# Do most men cheat?



## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Not trying to be sexist. Just seems to be way more prevalent than I originally thought in my social circle.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I don't want to say most but since it happened to me I seem to hear a lot of stories & don't fool yourself - there are a lot of women cheaters too. Unfortunately I think its a statement on how people don't respect marriage any more.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Don't know if it's just that I'm reading stories from other guys, but it seems I'm seeing a lot of stories about women cheating.

As far as me, I've never cheated in any relationship I've been in.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Poeple cheat! I ahve been around this forum long enought to know that is sex doesn't matter.

Any one can have a moral compass, just like anyone can lie, cheat and ruin lives!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Back in the day, it was the traveling salesmen knocking on the door of the lonely cheating house wife to sale her a vacume cleaner, and the husband executive cheating with the secretary.

These days its the lonely house wife going on face book looking up old boy friends or criags list for hook ups and husband getting a happy ending at a parlor or live sex chats on the internet.


It always been around and it doesn't matter if you are a female or a male....if they are broken, they will look else, instead of taking the hard road and bailing out with honor.

I guess its easier for a spouse of any sex, to lie and decieve instead of facing a crappy marrige and getting out!


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## RegretfulGuy (Apr 29, 2013)

Its extremely hard for a man not to cheat when he sees/feels something he likes. Women cheat too.

People are human. Sexual stimulation and temptation can be overwhelming at times.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

I know women cheat too. I just happen to know several men who seem to think it's acceptable to have a side piece. 

I also know men I could never imagine cheating, but recent events have shaken my beliefs. None of my female friends admit to cheating. But a few of my guy friends do. Just a question, not an accusation.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

bravenewworld said:


> I know women cheat too. I just happen to know several men who seem to think it's acceptable to have a side piece.
> 
> I also know men I could never imagine cheating, but recent events have shaken my beliefs. None of my female friends admit to cheating. But a few of my guy friends do. Just a question, not an accusation.


Women are better at keeping it a secret for one. I think this is changing though. A woman found to be cheating these days has less to worry about than women did many years ago. The changes in society over the past so many years has increased opportunity and reduced consequences.

Plus it depends on what you consider cheating. I think if you include EAs / unfaithfulness you may get some dramatic numbers compared to just PIV sex.

I mean is a wife who partys with the boys on GNOs and hides an EA from her husband a cheater? To me she is. Even if she does not have PIV sex.

I have also found that this changes from one group to another.

A fan of Huxley you are.


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## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

I believe current research show women are more likely to cheat than men.

Lots of men cheat. Lots don't. Sadly I do think it is quite prevalent amongst both sexes.

Any time I catch myself thinking all women are like my stbx, I look around TAM and slap some sense into myself.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Personally I would have put men far worse growing up but I'd put women far worse now. And they're extremely sneaky about it.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Women didn't cheat as much as men in the past because they didn't have as much opportunity and paid a higher price if they got caught. 

The statistics I have seen still show men cheating more than women, but the gap is closing. 

TAM is not a microcosm of society. Many people come here because their partner has cheated. It may be that men are more likely to seek help on an anonymous forum than women. Whatever the situation I don't think that you can extrapolate the trend on TAM to the general population.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Unless it's a homosexual affair, most men need a woman to cheat with...therefore if most men cheat, then so do most women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

SomedayDig said:


> Unless it's a homosexual affair, most men need a woman to cheat with...therefore if most men cheat, then so do most women.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Or many women have more than one affair partner, whereas men have a lower hit rate. In fact, the UK Adultery Survey 2012 found that women who cheat had an average of 2.3 lovers against an average of 1.8 for male cheats. 

It is just easier for most women to score.


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

I think that maybe a more intersting and relevant question, if we're going to compare the sexes, is whether men and women cheat in the same way.

Just to play Devil's Advocate, here is a hypothesis for anyone to either agree with or shoot down:

_Men are more likely to give way to short term temptation and to have one night stands or short term affairs that are mainly based (as far as the man is concerned) on sex rather than on emotional needs. Women are more likely to have longer term affairs that are more about an emotional connection with the AP rather than being purely about sex_.

Plenty of exceptions to that, of course (men who have EAs, women who have one night stands). But exceptions don't necessarily disprove the hypothesis. 

The interesting follow-on to the hypothesis, if it is true, is to ask whether men's affairs are more or less likely to crater a marriage than women's affairs.


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## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

Thats very interesting actually. If we are talking pure stereotypes, you may have a point. Sex is more likely to be just sex to a typical man I would think.

The reason women seem to be cheating more theses days seems so often to come back to social media. A typical woman seems to cheat based on an emotional rather than physical need. Its so easy for people to form inappropriate emotional bonds through facebook and the like.

I wouldnt say a mans affair is more or less likely to torpedo a marriage.. but i would say a EA whether turns PA or not is more likely to do so than a simple sex thing.

Honestly though, I think its thin ice to get to much into generalisations. Plenty of affairs of all types around here with male and female pos spouses.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Another thing that has changed is that cheating has become much more acceptable for women today. A you go girl attitude. Many will figure the husband just did not pay attention to her. Alos it is much more acceptable for women to put themselves into riskier behavior. If the husband objects he is beaten down by a chorus of being called jealous, insecure and controlling. Many women are under peer pressure to assert thier independence to prove that she does not need her husband permission, that he is not her dad and he does not own her. It's her body and her decision what she does with it. And the feeling that it is ok to have lots of male friends. Statistically this can result in a huge shift in the numbers.


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## thisSux (Jan 8, 2013)

The thing that intrigues me more is are there people who cheat when a relationship is genuinely good and if so why?


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

thisSux said:


> The thing that intrigues me more is are there people who cheat when a relationship is genuinely good and if so why?


Our relationship had not been good (for me) the past couple of years. At the time I felt I was being taken advantage of. Now I'm realizing the situation became very co-dependent. 

I feel like some of his friends are immature and thought it was cool he had the EA/PA because the girl was super young and "hot." It just sucks that on your wedding day you feel so in love and filled with potential and then - well, you know the rest. 

I agree, I would like to know why this happens. But I feel like STBXH doesn't even know why he did it. He seems very lost, confused, and alcoholic. Today he posted a picture on social media that said breakfast and it was a bottle of hard liquor and fruit juice. ????

Right now I'm not feeling like it's most men who cheat - but most people in general. Is there like this accepted secret society of cheaters??


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Sorry - only read the thread title and not the responses.

But no - not all men cheat.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Yes men do cheat, just *NOT THIS GUY!*

I've been cheated on by every ex in the past, including the ex wife. It hurts to say the least, but it hurts less knowing that it's not my fault and it was their final decision. I didn't cause it or create a cheater, I simply found a relationship with someone who was less likely to accept responsibility and work on relationship problems like an adult. 

What hurts far more than the cheating its self is realizing that the trauma from the relationship opens up old wounds from childhood. In my case I was parentified as a child and ended up having a strong need to take care of a woman in order to feel loved. Once I got that shocking realization, I no longer went after these damsels-in-distress and found myself in relationships with women who weren't going to take responsibility for their own happiness. 

You don't actually make anyone cheat, just like you don't actually make anyone into a murderer. Of course everyone has it already in them, but some people have weaker wills are more likely to rationalize how they can get away with it instead of focusing on the consequences. I've had plenty of chances to cheat myself, and some of those women were just so beautiful and kind, but I don't have it in me to be that guy who f*cks around on a relationship or rationalizes sleeping with committed women like a rapist or child molester rationalizes away his crimes. 

Just because the opportunity is in front of you and you can possibly get away with it, it doesn't mean you should do it. And I've seen enough stories here to know how affairs don't make happy relationships with tons of trust, they ruin lives, careers, and destroy happiness and trust.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Northern Monkey said:


> I believe current research show women are more likely to cheat than men.
> 
> Lots of men cheat. Lots don't. Sadly I do think it is quite prevalent amongst both sexes.
> 
> Any time I catch myself thinking all women are like my stbx, I look around TAM and slap some sense into myself.


Nope, women are not more likely to cheat. Men cheat at a rate of about 2-3% points higher then women.

But you have to figure that for every man who cheats, there's a woman. So the numbers are most likely very close.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

thisSux said:


> The thing that intrigues me more is are there people who cheat when a relationship is genuinely good and if so why?


Yes there are people who cheat even when their marriage is good. Why? They are broken people. They don't care about their vows. There is the old saying "what the wife/husband does know does not hurt them". Some feel entitled. Some feel that everyone does it and so they will not be left out. Some are psychopaths and only use people for their own gain.. to include their spouse.


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## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

I may have misremembered I guess Ele. 

All I know for sure is I never have, never would and would not condone someone else doing so for any reason.

Plenty of times its ok or even good to get out of a relationship, but to me, no matter how bad, its not ok to go behind your partners back.

I am not one of a kind, we exist. Same way there are plenty of women that aren't manipulative selfish cows like my stbx.

Don't judge half of humanity on what you have been sadly exposed to. I refuse to let stbx make me blind to the amazing, strong but caring women out there. That would be her winning afterall.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I don't think most men cheat, but many do. I have a cousin who cheats/cheated/cheats... He is never home home and always hanging on other women. He got a woman pregnant that wasn't his wife. My ex h likes to cheat as well, he's a serial cheater. I have a couple neighbor men that have cheated on their wives.

Luckily I have a faithful husband that I fully trust. I've personally never met a woman who's actually cheated on their husband. I did have one neighbor looking at other men while married, but she's now divorced. She never cheated on her husband, but I wouldn't doubt it would happen if the opportunity was there.

There are those men and women who are faithful too.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Marital Infidelity



> statistics from a national survey indicate that 15% of wives and 25% of husbands have experienced extramarital intercourse. These numbers increase by 20% when emotional affairs and sexual relationships without intercourse are included. Another source, The Monogamy Myth, authored by Peggy Vaughan, approximates that 60% of husbands and 40% of wives will have an affair at some time in their marriage.


Others sources indicate that in the younger age groups female have now caught up with the men.

And that most cheating is never discovered.

I think women are much better in keeping secrets than men, so there may be more women than men having affairs these days.

These statistics are about marriage, but these day's most people start in living together and LAT relations, so maybe statistics there are totally unknow to us, and may have even more shocking numbers.

I guess that in practice there will be Bell Curves applying to culture, religion, social cirles, character, life experiences etc. The combined effect of all these Bell curves give the statistical probabilities for ones own case.

So it may be you are in a group where cheating is seldom, or in contrary an accepted behavior.

If women are indeed so good in hiding their affairs, then we men are really in trouble these days....


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

And here some astonishing info from your armed forces...





Harden1313 said:


> There are divorce stats but the stats for infidelity are hidden and buried. We would never know. Anecdotal evidence suggests that it is rampant. The average I have gotten and I would suggest with my own experience as an Air Force vet would be 75-85% of people in the military who have deployed have cheated on their spouse with another deployed military member. It is so common no one even says anything anymore.





Entropy3000 said:


> I have not read this whole thread but being young and in them military and married means almost for sure there will be some form of infidelity. Now before you attack me understand that the pressures on families are almost impossible for those to understand who have not been there. It is way easier to be deployed and not be unfaithful than to be home and be faithful.
> 
> I am not talking only about PAs but they are rampant.
> EAs are almost a given.
> ...


I am afraid in these reports people can see the EA/PA's because of then nature of the military, and they happen mostly because of the circumstances the people are in.

But it shines a light on us all about who we are as human beings...I'm afraid morality is not our strong point.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

bravenewworld said:


> Not trying to be sexist. Just seems to be way more prevalent than I originally thought in my social circle.


Most Men: Yes
All Men: No


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

See_Listen_Love said:


> Marital Infidelity
> 
> 
> 
> statistics from a national survey indicate that 15% of wives and 25% of husbands have experienced extramarital intercourse. These numbers increase by 20% when emotional affairs and sexual relationships without intercourse are included. Another source, The Monogamy Myth, authored by Peggy Vaughan, approximates that 60% of husbands and 40% of wives will have an affair at some time in their marriage.....


It really depends on the article, the date it was published, the region, etc. For example, from:

_Source: Associated Press, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy
Research Date: 9.8.2012

Percent of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had	57 %
Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had	54 %_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Northern Monkey said:


> Any time I catch myself thinking all women are like my stbx,


Might be the scariest concept I've ever read about.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Might be the scariest concept I've ever read about.


Why, they're not really happier?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

The stats lean towards both sexes being about the same, these days. Takes two to tango, so to speak. But I think it boils down to very few people out there in the world repsect the sanctity of ANYTHING these days, let alone marriage. It's like a badge of sexual accomplishment in the world of bad wolves to knock off someone else's SO. People getting some sick validation from putting pain in someone else. 

Ugh, I hate the world.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Ceegee said:


> Why, they're not really happier?


Just mean and petty.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I wouldn't worry too much about all these scary statistics, it's good to keep in mind but you can kinda tell those who are strong in their personal convictions and those who aren't over time. Let people earn your trust, and there are good people out there.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I cheated on a girlfriend when I was 19. 

I am 41 and have never cheated since.. But two of the last 3 people I have been with over the last 20 years have including my stbxw.

So I would like to say...no men are not programmed to cheat...and through my circle of friends and their friends it is mostly the woman that cheats not the male.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

15 years with my stbxw and I never once cheated. Nor did I cheat in any previous relationships.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

bravenewworld said:


> I know women cheat too. I just happen to know several men who seem to think it's acceptable to have a side piece.
> 
> I also know men I could never imagine cheating, but recent events have shaken my beliefs. None of my female friends admit to cheating. But a few of my guy friends do. Just a question, not an accusation.


I think in your circles this may be true, but this is far too small of a sample to make the assumption that the greater percentage of men cheat. 

Maybe I over think, but to have to keep two women happy at the same time makes my head hurt. I would rather spend my energy and time keeping my wife happy, content, or whatever adjective you wish.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

drerio said:


> I think in your circles this may be true, but this is far too small of a sample to make the assumption that the greater percentage of men cheat.
> 
> Maybe I over think, but to have to keep two women happy at the same time makes my head hurt. I would rather spend my energy and time keeping my wife happy, content, or whatever adjective you wish.


King Solomon had 750


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> King Solomon had 750


And, I don't understand what I am supposed to glean from this reference given the topic?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

drerio said:


> And, I don't understand what I am supposed to glean from this reference given the topic?


Was an attempt a humor.

Sorry I missed the mark.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Was an attempt a humor.
> 
> Sorry I missed the mark.


Sorry, I am not the sharpest arrow in the quiver. Got it.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> You have a steady and a side. I've seen it. The side wants to get the guy, but she doesn't know he's already seeing someone steady. The steady usually doesn't know about the side.
> 
> The guy I know that did this felt justified. He said, "I'm not married." He also figured it worked out well when the steady wasn't in the mood for sex.
> 
> ...


I guess I am very naive or maybe I represent the minority. Just as well, I love and respect my wife too much to think about such rubbish.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

Never cheated on any woman in my life, ex wives or girlfriends. Opportunities were there a few times, but as soon as I realized what kind of situation I was in, I removed myself and learned to not get in those situations without my wife at my side again if possible.

I know that there are woman with stronger morals out there, I just have to find one. And take more time getting to know her.


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## Democritus (May 10, 2013)

I've made many mistakes during my 10 year marriage, but cheating was never one of them - in fact, given how important honesty and commitment and loyalty are to me, I never even considered it.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

I was lucky enough to meet my wife (soon to be ex) when I was 17 and she was 15. We were both each other's firsts, and I took my vows seriously six years after we met. Nine years into marriage and I think my wife started to realize that she missed out. Unfortunately for me, she lost weight, I helped her with her style and she was getting a lot of attention from other men. She gave in and got herself emotionally attached to someone and eventually cheated (with a married man). Yet, although our marriage had some issues, I never even considered it. I was proud of the fact that I got it right on the first try - that I was saved from experiencing the heartache of bad relationships and breakups. I can now safely say that I definitely wish I had experienced all that garbage BEFORE getting married, not to end a 15 year relationship. Now I don't even know where to go from here, all I know is marriage, and I was 100% faithful to my wife.

Unfortuntaley, I don't think there is a definitive way to know if most men cheat. I think that it's probably more than 50%, so in that respect, I think it can be said that they do. I'm sure the main reason it's a smaller number for women is that married men cheat with unmarried women more than married women cheat with unmarried men. I don't have any evidence for that, but since it takes two and the numbers are not the same, this is probably why.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

No, I am sure they have the same predisposition without considering the gender.

I have not have a close female friends in some years, but when I was in college I had more female friends cheaters than males, almost all my female friends had cheated on her boyfriends or have begin new realtionships by cheating with the new boyfriend, while my male friends just two were cheaters, one was a serial cheater, and the other had no problem cheating but he did not seek women, if the opportunity was presented he just used to took it.

also i remember that my buddies in college liked to expend weekends inm other in other friends houses drinking and watching games on tv, while women liked to go to night clubs and bars, you tell in which situation a person is more prone to end cheating.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

No, I am sure they have the same predisposition without considering the gender.

I have not have a close female friends in some years, but when I was in college I had more female friends cheaters than males, almost all my female friends had cheated on her boyfriends or have begin new realtionships by cheating with the new boyfriend, while my male friends just two were cheaters, one was a serial cheater, and the other had no problem cheating but he did not seek women, if the opportunity was presented he just used to took it.

also i remember that my buddies in college liked to expend weekends inm other in other friends houses drinking and watching games on tv, while women liked to go to night clubs and bars, you tell in which situation a person is more prone to end cheating.


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## huebnem (May 8, 2013)

Well, in the military I can tell you that the number of women that cheat is greater than the number of men. I cannot lay the blame on either side however...

In the civilian world, many people have pointed out that women are quickly closing the gap on how many of them cheat because women have a greater chance at becoming more financially stable on their own. I sit at plenty of bars when I am off duty...I just sip beers and watch people. It is pretty disturbing that I see more women with rings on the prowl and scoring hits...WAY more women...that may just be the area I am in though.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Most people cheat, both men AND WOMEN


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## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

Always reminds my of classic "Golden Girls" scene.

Rose- "Why do men cheat?"

Dorothy "There are 2 trains of thought. The first is that men are evolved from a genetic pool that they simply cannot help themselves."

Rose "And the other"

Dorothy "Men are scum"

Gets me everytime!


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Most people cheat, both men AND WOMEN


I really hope/wish/pray that the above is not true. That said, I am open to the possibility it might be. 

I've read a lot of articles lately about how "outdated" monogamy is and that polyamory is much more realistic. But I don't eventually want a monogamous relationship because "society ingrained it into me" but because I genuinely like that idea of forming a special bond with one person. Hell, I've had the same best friend since preschool!

One day I hope I meet someone who says they also believe in the value of monogamy - and actually means it. I know I'd survive if I got cheated on again, but the thought makes me a bit queasy. :circle:


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I hate it when you hear most men cheat. Some men do, but definitely not most.

I have a faithful husband who i trust with my life. For me personally if i really believed he had it in him to cheat then i really would not have married him.

I was with my 3 older boys dad for 7 years, and i never really once thought about marriage, I loved him, but never felt i wanted to marry him, do not really know why, he was just more interested in his friends, and playing computer games and being out the house. I stayed with him for the sake of the kids, BIG mistake. I found out he cheated, he said the once, but i am sure there were more times than that.

My husband is totally committed to our marriage a totally different person to my ex.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

So no one has the balls to look up some facts? No wonder people still believe in Bigfoot. 

http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Why-Men-Cheat_2

The study author found that 1 in 2.3 men cheated. That's less than 50%. 

So there you go. 

I suggest many of you look up statistics and something called "bias selection"

What you can say is "for every man who cheats there is a complicit partner on the other side"


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