# Newlywed Financial Problems



## sammyoliver864 (Mar 22, 2014)

I have only been married for less than 3 months. While we dated, I was expressive about bills and making sure they are covered. My husband has had issues with work and money. Now I'm here trying to cover bills on top of all the crap that keeps happening for him now that he is working. Well, since money is my biggest problem, and he wants me to trust him. So I expressed that he should take over the finances. Pay all the bills and I only give him 1/2 my pay instead of the other way around. Bc he's not even really contributing half. So how do we split everything? How do we make things better? 

Financial security has always been important to me bc I have a small child. He tells me he thinks money is materialistic and petty. So why does paying the bills have to be petty? He kept going on and on about getting cable, so we got cable and now we have a luxury. I feel like I am damned if I do, damned if I don't!!! 

Please help me. This is a big important thing for me and I feel disrespected in regards to these importance. Doesn't help that when I express rent being paid, he tells me something else needs to be paid instead. Why do I keep having to sacrifice while he's getting everything????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

sammyoliver864 said:


> I have only been married for less than 3 months. While we dated, I was expressive about bills and making sure they are covered. My husband has had issues with work and money. Now I'm here trying to cover bills on top of all the crap that keeps happening for him now that he is working. Well, since money is my biggest problem, and he wants me to trust him. So I expressed that he should take over the finances. Pay all the bills and I only give him 1/2 my pay instead of the other way around. Bc he's not even really contributing half. So how do we split everything? How do we make things better?
> 
> Financial security has always been important to me bc I have a small child. He tells me he thinks money is materialistic and petty. So why does paying the bills have to be petty? He kept going on and on about getting cable, so we got cable and now we have a luxury. I feel like I am damned if I do, damned if I don't!!!
> 
> ...


Too many people get married without working out big issues such as finances. Did you think that this issue would just work itself out? If financial security is so important to you, I don't understand why you would choose a man who has "issues with jobs and money." :scratchhead:

I believe that the spouse who earns more should handle more expenses. It is only fair.

Your husband sounds like he doesn't understand priorities. You _always _need food and shelter before "something else" is paid for.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

I can't imagine having separate finances from my wife. My check and my wife's checks go into a joint account. Every payday my wife and I sit down together and pay bills. Our bills are written on a large desk calendar. The amount of each bill is written on the due date. There is no arguing about bills, it's right there in black and white, hard to dispute it then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

sammyoliver864 said:


> I have only been married for less than 3 months. While we dated, I was expressive about bills and making sure they are covered. My husband has had issues with work and money. Now I'm here trying to cover bills on top of all the crap that keeps happening for him now that he is working. Well, since money is my biggest problem, and he wants me to trust him. So I expressed that he should take over the finances. Pay all the bills and I only give him 1/2 my pay instead of the other way around. Bc he's not even really contributing half. So how do we split everything? How do we make things better?
> 
> Financial security has always been important to me bc I have a small child. He tells me he thinks money is materialistic and petty. So why does paying the bills have to be petty? He kept going on and on about getting cable, so we got cable and now we have a luxury. I feel like I am damned if I do, damned if I don't!!!
> 
> ...


If he wants you to trust him, he needs to be trustworthy. Someone who comes up with something else that needs to be paid when the *rent* is due? If you don't pay the rent, you won't have access to the cable connection, electricity, water, or whatever it is he thinks is more important.

Try to catch him as soon as he gets paid and bring up the rent. Tell him you don't want to pay for it by yourself. 

Keep your finances separate for now. Him spending his own paycheck on crap is better than him spending both of your paychecks on crap.


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## Pinkpetal (Jan 2, 2014)

Paying the rent on time so as to keep a roof over your child's head should be a priority. Your H thinks money is materialistic and petty, but then spends it on something like cable? Unfortunately he doesn't sound very mature. 

But you're married. The burden of bills should be shared with your partner. At only 3 months in I wouldn't be settling for this situation any longer. Write out a budget and allocate certain bills that your husband is required to be responsible for each week/month. He will probably complain, but you really need to expect this from him. Don't back down on it.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

It sounds like he's not ready for the responsibility of managing the finances. Why don't you do this. You should each have an individual account, and one joint checking account. Have 50% of each of your checks deposited into the joint account, and pay all bills out of that account. For the first few months, you should sit down and go through the bill-paying process with your husband. Show him how much you're spending and how much you are collectively making. If you can't afford all of your bills, then luxuries (cable) are going to need to go. Once he's got the bill-paying down, and understands where your money is going, talk about goals - saving for a house, paying off debt, emergency fund if you don't have one, etc. Maybe you guys should enroll in the Dave Ramsey money course together? A lot of people like his methods.

Good luck.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Letting him manage the finances after what you've said sounds like shooting yourself in the foot.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

You each come into the marriage with your gifts. It sounds like you are better at managing finances than your husband. Not sure why giving it up to him would be the best solution.

You two need to have a "state of the union" conversation so you both are on the same page as to what your budget it is. Perhaps your husband is avoiding the whole financial thing because he feels shame around the lack of his contribution.


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## appletree (Oct 9, 2012)

It sounds that you are better at finances. And if your husband has problems at his work then it's even worse. If you haven't got Scottish ancestors you might be better of making a plan each month/fortnight or whenever your payday is. Simply a spreadsheet with what comes in rent and fixed costs etc. Here you can discuss which fixed costs you could ditch (i.e cable TV) and then comes expenses which are variable like food clothing etc. After that is covered you allocate some sort of pocket money for both of you, that is for treats, books etc.
You can do that with joint accounts or with separate accounts.
If he says money is petty and greedy then you can say that his expenses for his "needs" are greedy too.
Important is that you work together and you work out what your basic needs are (i.e you can spend $200 on food a month or $2000, both is possible)


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

How long did you know him before getting married?
Is the child his?
Some men date and marry women who have a kid because they know that the mom will always provide for their kid. They want to be under that same umbrella. And they always figure, if things get tight, they can get financial assistance because now there is a kid. You just wait until you get your first tax return, and his name is on it and he has to co-sign it, but most of the return is due to your work and your deduction for your child. Bummer.

This is why I won't get married. I'm too responsible. And there are too many little boys out there who look like men but just want a mommy to take care of them so they can keep acting like babies.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Honestly, I would demand that his paycheck be automatically deposited into the checking account so you have access to it. Set up a separate account that he will have 'spending money' in. Trust me, this won't get better.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

John Lee said:


> Letting him manage the finances after what you've said sounds like shooting yourself in the foot.


x2

You both need to do the finances together IMO. You need to watch him closely and make sure at the very least he contributes 1/2......

Also set up some "spending rules". For example "anything over $100 needs to be approved by both" or something along the line


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## Counterfit (Feb 2, 2014)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> How long did you know him before getting married?
> Is the child his?
> Some men date and marry women who have a kid because they know that the mom will always provide for their kid. They want to be under that same umbrella. And they always figure, if things get tight, they can get financial assistance because now there is a kid. You just wait until you get your first tax return, and his name is on it and he has to co-sign it, but most of the return is due to your work and your deduction for your child. Bummer.
> 
> This is why I won't get married. I'm too responsible. And there are too many little boys out there who look like men but just want a mommy to take care of them so they can keep acting like babies.


I have to 100% agree with this......almost every single male friend of mine dreams of dating and getting married to a single mother. They talk about it all of the time; I frankly get tired of listening to them go on and on and on about how they fantasize about dating a single mom.......some even talk about how they aspire to date and marry a single mother who has multiple children. One single male friend of mine has what he terms as his "Mount Everest of Single Mother Dreams".......his goal is to date and marry a single mother who has multiple children from different fathers. The fun would just never stop.........

All of my friends are bored with dating single attractive women who have hot bodies and who are free to do whatever they want to do..........they dream of snagging a single mother with stretch marks.


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

sammyoliver864 said:


> I have only been married for less than 3 months. While we dated, I was expressive about bills and making sure they are covered. My husband has had issues with work and money. Now I'm here trying to cover bills on top of all the crap that keeps happening for him now that he is working. Well, since money is my biggest problem, and he wants me to trust him. So I expressed that he should take over the finances. Pay all the bills and I only give him 1/2 my pay instead of the other way around. Bc he's not even really contributing half. So how do we split everything? How do we make things better?
> 
> Financial security has always been important to me bc I have a small child. He tells me he thinks money is materialistic and petty. So why does paying the bills have to be petty? He kept going on and on about getting cable, so we got cable and now we have a luxury. I feel like I am damned if I do, damned if I don't!!!
> 
> ...


My wife and I have the perfect relationship, I make all the money and she spends it. We both contribute equally to the finances.


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