# husband crossed the line



## lup22 (Jul 28, 2014)

This morning me and my husband of 6 years got into an argument. He blocked me from leaving a room so I barley shoved him in the chest to push pass him. Next thing I know he wrapped his hands around my neck and slammed me onto the bed. I started screaming at him then he smacked me across the face. After he felt bad about it and walked outside with his pistol saying he was going to kill his self. It took me a few min to calm him down. He has never hit me before he has been emotional and verbally abusive. He has pulled a pistol on his self quite a few times. He is bipolar and is off meds. I just don't know what to do. He refuses to get back on meds he says he doesn't fill like his self. He is a great husband and fathers when he is his self. Just totally lost just needs some advice


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

why oh why, is the pistol still in the house? if he is pointing it all around every time he gets mad, that's gotta go.

you need to get out of there until your husband gets the help he needs. has he ever had the gun out around the children? if so, you need to get them out of there today. 

he needs to go back on the medication, pronto. Has the doctor tried to adjust the meds? it takes a long time to dial in the right amount and type sometimes.

protect your children.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This is not ok.

Ever.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

And you didnt call the police WHY??


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The situation has obviously escalated from what it was. 

Why is there a gun in the house?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The gun is BAD news. I mean, all of it is, but the gun is not good. He's like a ticking time bomb. Especially with children in your house.

Abuse always escalates.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> And you didnt call the police WHY??


Ever heard of suicide by cop? If he's outside waving a gun around and she calls the cops odds are someone's going to end up dead, probably him. Theoretically calling the cops is the right thing to do but I don't think she handled the situation when it happened all that badly if she managed to talk him down.

The gun needs to be secured off-site, no question about that, and lup22 and kids need to get away from him until he's back on his meds and stable. If he's come off his meds before then it needs to be a permanent split.

If lup22 won't take the steps needed to secure herself and her children then CPS needs to be brought in to remove the children.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

You need to get that gun out if the house. NOW. Either that or get yourself out of the house till he agrees to get rid of the gun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It sounds like a very serious situation, and given his actions, I think he could be involuntarily commited for treatment of his mental health issues.

Talk to the police when he is not around, and ask for advice and help with this, or call a mental health hotline for advice. This is dangerous, and you should not take chances!


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Howdy Lup,

Mind you I am a huge gun rights advocate but this is not an appropriate environment for someone to be in possession of a firearm – for any reason.

Minimally – I’d say guns are out of the house and the old man needs to go back on his medications. No other reason but what you have just described as the case in point. And this needs to happen immediately.


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## lup22 (Jul 28, 2014)

Just so you all know my child was never in any danger. Since she was born this is the first time he had the gun out. She was not home at the time. And all guns have been locked away as of an hour after this happened. I am the only one that has a key and it is hidden.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

lup22 said:


> Just so you all know my child was never in any danger. Since she was born this is the first time he had the gun out. She was not home at the time. And all guns have been locked away as of an hour after this happened. I am the only one that has a key and it is hidden.


Not good enough, the guns needs to be off site. Anyone with a drill can get through a lock in short order. Get a friend or relative to secure the guns for you and don't tell him where they are. 

It's not just the guns though. He had his hands on your throat, from there he's just one mad impulse away from squeezing your life out. You and your child need to get away from him at least until he's back on his meds and stable.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lup22 said:


> Just so you all know my child was never in any danger.


She may not have been home THAT time but you say he is verbally/emotionally abusive so no doubt, she has experienced it. 

You also say this isn't the FIRST time he has involved the gun or threatening to kill himself. Now he's pushing you around, strangling you, pulling guns.

NOT good.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

s


lup22 said:


> This morning me and my husband of 6 years got into an argument. He blocked me from leaving a room so I barley shoved him in the chest to push pass him. Next thing I know he wrapped his hands around my neck and slammed me onto the bed. I started screaming at him then he smacked me across the face. After he felt bad about it and walked outside with his pistol saying he was going to kill his self. It took me a few min to calm him down. He has never hit me before he has been emotional and verbally abusive. He has pulled a pistol on his self quite a few times. He is bipolar and is off meds. I just don't know what to do. He refuses to get back on meds he says he doesn't fill like his self. He is a great husband and fathers when he is his self. Just totally lost just needs some advice


He is a danger to himself and others. You are doing him no favors by not reporting this to the police. Here in CA, they will do a "5150" on him which is an involuntary psychiatric hold for 72 hours. They will then get him back on his meds.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

what was the argument about? I know some people will say it doesn't matter, and to some degree that is right, nothing excuses violence.

however, context is important in avoiding future escalations. we all get mad, sometimes real mad. what was it about and how did it escalate so out of control?


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

OP

locking gun up NOT sufficient. may depend on where you live but how hard would it be for him to buy another one? am guessing not hard at all.

Take your children and get away from him. I'd say stay in touch with him but go stay somewhere temporarily and don't tell him where. then follow some of the good advice here on how to get the police/authorities involved. sounds very serious. Leave TODAY!


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## mpgunner (Jul 15, 2014)

"he has been emotional and verbally abusive" - the core of what became physical abuse - it is sooner or later.

Unless there is a core/big/motivated life change ==> GET OUT!

Statistics are not in your favor when there is anger/abuse. Ask a cop.


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## mpgunner (Jul 15, 2014)

nuclearnightmare said:


> OP
> 
> locking gun up NOT sufficient. may depend on where you live but how hard would it be for him to buy another one? am guessing not hard at all.
> 
> Take your children and get away from him. I'd say stay in touch with him but go stay somewhere temporarily and don't tell him where. then follow some of the good advice here on how to get the police/authorities involved. sounds very serious. Leave TODAY!



I'm an avid gun owner/shooter but guns and anger do not mix. Knives/baseball bats also don't mix with anger.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

One of you is going to end up dead. Which parent do you prefer stays around for your child?? Stop making excuses for him.


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## mpgunner (Jul 15, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> One of you is going to end up dead. Which parent do you prefer stays around for your child?? Stop making excuses for him.


Sadly, I total agree with this statement and have seen this come true.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Fun fact: threatening someone with a firearm gets you charged with aggravated assault. Putting your hands around their throat will get you charged with attempted murder. Primarily because if someone is choking you, it's reasonable to assume they want you dead. Not a threat, but a promise sort of deal.

Now, both charges are felonies, but one has a heck of a stronger sentence. 

In all seriousness though, what you need is a plan for how to deal with a situation like this. I would strongly suggest contacting a local domestic violence agency to work up a plan to keep you and your child safe.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

One day it could be the case that your daughter will be there when you are fighting. And maybe she will try to get between you. And maybe he will be holding a gun "just as a threat". And maybe that gun accidentally goes off. Think about that.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

I'm not sure what you're really asking here.

You know the right thing to do is for you and your child leave this very seriously violent situation. So why are you still there?

Do you think you can control him or his behavior? You know you can't. If you could, he'd be on his meds.

The only thing you CAN control is you. So...what's stopping you from leaving?


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Remove the gun from the house. Call your local YWCA chapter and get into some counseling. They can put you in touch with other resources that can help you -- like shelters if it comes down to it. There is also likely a resource to help you plan an escape plan...

If I were you, I would also call the cops... you need it documented. The DA will likely press charges, and a RO will likely be issued. Most abusers have a very difficult time doing it once they have started. My exH would strangle me until I blacked out. I stayed with him for 8 more years. It is something inside of them that they need to deal with.... and most don't (or can't). Please protect yourself and your kids. There is so much help out there, but you have to ask.


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## lup22 (Jul 28, 2014)

I was able to talk him into getting back on his meds or at least go talk to a therapist. The guns are gone except one and it is hidden he does not know where it is. I plan on staying for now cause I really don't have anywhere to go.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

See, it's answers like this that makes people just shake their head in disbelief. Ok, that was Round One that you posted. You haven't even told us if it's happened before. What I CAN tell you, it will happen again. Maybe even worse next time.

I can't believe you have ANY gun in that home. If he doesn't find it, you sure know where it's at. You WANT this danger. You're thriving on it.

When you say there's no where for you to go, I seriously challenge that thought. I think ANYWHERE is preferable besides staying there.

The gun isn't the issue. The issue is neither one of you are RESPONSIBLE to have it.


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## lup22 (Jul 28, 2014)

The reason the gun is in the house is because my husband is gone a good bit and there have been several houses near by broken into in the past few months. When the homeowners are home.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Yer kidding, right?

You have SERIOUS issues with your husband choking and hitting you and you're more worried about a tv being stolen?

Again, what type of answers are you seeking here?

You won't leave, won't get rid of firearms in the house, nor call the police when imminent danger is present....


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Revamped said:


> Yer kidding, right?
> 
> You have SERIOUS issues with your husband choking and hitting you and you're more worried about a tv being stolen?
> 
> ...


I don't think she's worried about the tv so much as the fact that these are home invasion robberies, not just burglaries. Not worried about protecting stuff, worried about protecting herself and child. Doesn't change anything though, if anything makes it more urgent to GTFO.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

lup22 said:


> I was able to talk him into getting back on his meds or at least go talk to a therapist. The guns are gone except one and it is hidden he does not know where it is. I plan on staying for now cause I really don't have anywhere to go.


In spite of what happened, it sounds like you are on the right track. Some people will still criticize you because they are alarmed at what your husband did, and nothing short of divorce and putting him in jail will satisfy them. However, it disturbs me that you say "back on his meds or at least talk to a therapist". That sounds like he might not go back on his meds.

Bipolar people can be extremely frustrating and there is no reasoning with them when they are on one extreme end or the other. You can't trust him to do this on his own. Sure he'll agree to anything, he'll agree to take his meds and go to therapy now, when he's in his depressed period. But when he's in his manic period, he won't give a damn what anyone thinks or says. So he needs the meds to make sure he doesn't get there. 

Keep up with this program - BUT if he backslides, refuses to go to therapy or stops taking meds, then get the hell out of the house. Pronto. Not just for your physical safety, but for legal protection too. Even if he kills himself, who do you think could be blamed if he actually does it? YOU.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Theseus said:


> Some people will still criticize you because they are alarmed at what your husband did, and nothing short of divorce and putting him in jail will satisfy them.


In this instance, yes.

There is NEVER an reason to think that domestic violence is excusable.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Revamped said:


> In this instance, yes.
> 
> There is NEVER an reason to think that domestic violence is excusable.


Of course it's not excusable, no one is arguing otherwise. The issue here is which remedy is most appropriate for this situation.


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