# We are apart !!!



## Hope for Me ? (Dec 28, 2011)

I am seeking to save my marriage as me and my wife are now apart. I have a strong feeling that she is seeing someone else but when I ask she replies absolutely not. 

We have two kids and she works long hours and the kids live with her and have a sitter. We are also separated because she lives in another city. 

Since we were apart we have been physical on a few occasions, but my problem is I cannot get i tour of my head that she is sleeping around and I get so upset while we talk that that is my only question to her. 

We have discussed divorce and she says nothing only that she will agree to a legal separation. However, over the past few days she is getting more and more distant, we only talk if I call and when I call the phone rings and and it is my effort to get an answer only after many tries usually to the reply, I am in a meeting I will call you when I am finished or I am busy, I will call you back. She rarely does call back. Our conversations usually go well, when there is an item that she wants to discuss otherwise they do not. 

Seems to me she has moved on and I am left with a lot of love for her and uncertain about what she wants, she is not willing to talk about nothing and seeing her is also difficult. 

What so I do ???


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Your feelings could be right. Cheaters alway lie.

Start checking records, texts, emails, phone calls.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

180 immediately!


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## Hope for Me ? (Dec 28, 2011)

As hard as it maybe for me.. I am seriously considering 180 ..


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Hope for Me ? said:


> As hard as it maybe for me.. I am seriously considering 180 ..


Do it for you. It is primarily if not 100% for you to become a stronger better you. You can't control them, only you.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You write nothing at all about the reason for your separation.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My H kept calling me and insinuating stuff like that.
I finally got tired of it.
When the W is innocent, which yours may be, repeated questions you need for your security might be emotionally abusive for her to listen to. Also, what is the timing of your calls? Are they timed to collect 'information'? What kind of messages do you leave, are they designed to make her feel guilty about not being there to answer your calls? 
Sometimes I would deliberately not answer my H's calls because he would call at a time when I would be in bed, it was like he was checking to make sure I was home. So I went back to sleep and my intention was I don't want to be troubled to have a conversation that interrupted my sleep that is designed to only get an answer to one question that won't be believed anyway. No woman wants to have a relationship with an insecure man. It's tiring and demeaning. She IS probably talking to you, you are not listening. This is an issue. If she is innocent of what you think, that makes you paranoid and insecure. At any rate, if I were going through what you are going through I would seek both therapy and an anti-anxiety treatment. Sorry, I mean it might be true, but if it is, then you're going nuts anyway, and if it's not, you're definitely behaving like an a**. The woman is working and trying to take care of her kids and deal with figuring out her half of a troubled relationship. If you're calling, and you don't have anything better to do, you're definitely not doing any soul-searching or whatever on your end. At least from her point of view. Getting other people's opinions in a cursory manner is just feeding your paranoia? Why would you want to do that to yourself!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The only reason for the seperation is for his wife to spend more time with her boyfriend and not feel guilty for her adultory.

It is very rare that someone leaves the stability and security of a marriage other then having that security blanket replaced. IMHO

Investigate, quitely and you will get many of your questions answered.

HNU has a valid point, so again investigate your wife and confirm HNU point of view. But make no mistake, you diserve to make sure you are not getting ripped off, and blind trust just makes it easier for this to happen.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I'm not aware of the situation regarding why the W is living separately. Women are not all of one category when it comes to work and finances. A lot of women will put their career as a high priority and feel that long-term there might be a balance between career and marriage, marriages can come and go, a husband can be unpredictable and not be a valid long-term investment when it comes to taking care of oneself long-term...and those women, depending on their work, need to go somewhere else in order to advance or earn. I would be very leery of saying a woman has left just in order to have a boyfriend. It would be very embarassing for a guy to decide that his wife is cheating when she is not, and only pursuing her work. My H has had to live elsewhere for work and I do not say it is because he wants to have a gf somewhere. It is accepted he has gone elsewhere to earn income. A lot of guys do it. What is to keep OP from going to where she is if he wants to? If he places physical proximity as a priority in the marriage, and she does not, he needs to take care of his priority. I hate it when women are demonized for taking care of themselves. Now, I admit I have a little bug up my butt on this point. I had a habit of going to the gym and when I went my H would constantly accuse me of having a boyfriend there. I did not. Certainly I had friends there but no boyfriend. So there I was, looking after my health and taking crap for it at home. Turns out he was paranoid about the situation because he was lying to me about his own behavior. So because he knew he was lying to me, he thought that I would do the same. 

Withough more details about the separation and the history of the relationship, it's hard to say what's going on. 

But either way, why be paranoid about it? Like all issues, if the way she is handling the communication during the separation is insufficient to support emotional health of her husband during the marriage, in a reasonable way, and he can't advocate to change it in a way that will change her behavior in terms of communicating, then that's the issue.

I have had a lot of experience with guys who when they're in relationships are clingy and suspicious and who want to IM me while I'm programming or working with numbers and relationships with these guys always turn out badly because they are insecure and bothersome and possessive with wild imaginations. Trust me, I'm a woman and I would always choose employment and my children over wasting my time with another guy. There are these things called hobbies, and friends...that people do in their spare time. Most women of substance, gainful employment and ability to be on their own, if they want a divorce, they get one! So if they aren't filing, you can be assured that they are very much interested in the marriage that they have, no matter what it might seem to the husband.


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