# TRO and a tough piece to chew



## lilymoon (Jun 4, 2012)

Ugh. 
I had to phone the police early Friday morning after meeting with STBXH. This is the fourth time I phoned police to help me and our baby exit the scene. Again, they tell me they have enough to arrest him for harassment and DV, but I feel bad for the guy and don't want to see him in jail. I went to the courthouse that morning and filed a TRO for our baby and me.
I feel like a great big jerk for doing that to him (STBXH). I hate that it's Father's Day and he has not made attempts to see our son for supervised visits. I hate that our son is not going to spend time with Daddy today. I hate to think about what STBXH is doing right now - drugs, sex, fights, etc...
But then, I'm a bit relieved too because it's been so incredibly drama free since the TRO - it's been peaceful. Our son's behavior is settling down - a lot less meltdowns, a lot less kicking and hitting me and himself, a lot less rebellion. 
I never filed a TRO before. I hate that I felt I had too... I just wish it all was so different - I wish STBXH would get his head screwed on the right way. Ugh, I know, only people can change themselves. I feel for him. Letting go of someone you care about because of the choices they choose to make toward yourself and those who cannot help themselves - it's a tough piece to chew.
And now, every time I hear the police sirens, I worry that it's because of my STBXH.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You are doing the right thing. It's too bad you had to do what his parents did not. #1 care and #2 set limits. Kids pick up on everything. Your child feels safe now. If you can, maybe you will think about moving away and getting a fresh start where you don't have to worry so much about running into him or whether he visits or not. It sounds like if he did have visits, it wouldn't go too well from your child's perspective as child has been traumatized and cannot understand the new, supervised, safe situation very well. Child will just continue to be frightened and on edge. If there was a faciliator rather than just a supervisor, maybe. What you are doing now is probably the best thing you can do in terms of any kind of future outcome of your child's dad getting his life straightened out. Drugs are so nasty. They really change people. I don't know why people think that it's not going to affect them and that they can stay in control of their recreational use. You are a strong person, so you will be okay. I can see your reluctance to file charges, because nobody wants to think that the father of their child will be incarcerated or unable to work or be a parent or contribute support to a child. It's a bit like having to shoot yourself in the foot, in terms of giving up on dreams or the last hope. Of course, once people enter the legal system, sometimes things just get worse, because there's no real money out there for true rehab, just enforcement. He will have to want to change, and it's likely he'll just be angry and place blame elsewhere for a long while, until his buddies or coworkers set him straight or life just catches up with him and stares him in the face when he looks in the mirror.


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