# When you KNOW he's cheating



## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

My husband and I have been married a long time and in the last week I accidentally stumbled upon texts that he's been sending a friend of mine. Things like "I love you and miss you so much and can't wait to see you again" and quite a few naked pics of himself.
I confronted him and he says it's more of a fantasy to him that he doesn't love her that way. 
We got in a big fight and I told him he had to choose....a married woman with 2 kids under 10 or me.
the next morning he texts me at work and says the "friendship" is over. However, I'm still seeing messages on his facebook where she's trying desperately to see him again. I can't be 100% sure if he's still in contact because he's password locked his phone and keeps it with him 24/7.
Do I confront him again? I really don't want him to know that I can sorta spy on him. Or do I confront her...Since she *was* my friend?


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I would gather hard evidence and when you have proof, confront him and tell her to stay away.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Confronting him is one thing. Saying he will end the friendship is a good start. Regaining your trust is what seems to be missing at this point. Part of ending the friendship should mean 'no contact' ... if he wants to rebuild trust, he should be willing to leave his phone/computer unlocked and be willing to give you the passwords. If he is resistant to this, he may be taking the friendship 'under ground' rather than ending it.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

swedish said:


> If he is resistant to this, he may be taking the friendship 'under ground' rather than ending it.


This, unfortunately, is what I'm suspecting. Last month I was cleaning house and found her very large panties under his bed. I kept them and never said anything about it until I fumbled onto his texts between him and her.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Confronting him for a second time will probably be fruitless, as you no longer have the element of "surprise" I guarentee he has rehearsed a million explanations and done extensive "quality control" in his head about what he can get away with and how... after the initial confrontation, a DS that is reluctant to go "cold turkey" and end it starts "the game" and they become very good at it...

My vote would be "all of the above". Confront both of them, expose the affair to all of your mutual friends (you and OW's).. Blow it up!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Craggy456 said:


> This, unfortunately, is what I'm suspecting. Last month I was cleaning house and found her very large panties under his bed. I kept them and never said anything about it until I fumbled onto his texts between him and her.


Not to make light of your situation, but I had to laugh at this one.

Why not run those "very large panties" up a flag pole so he sees that you know still know about it. 

or mail them back to her with a note.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I've had a talk with my boss (who we share alot of advice between eachother) about confronting her. I composed a text to send her and read it to him and he thought I should send it to her and get right to the point. It went something like "I should only have to say this once> Stay away from my husband. You have your own wrecked marriage to fix AND your two children to think about. Stop trying to ruin my marriage"


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> Why not run those "very large panties" up a flag pole so he sees that you know still know about it.


:smthumbup:

I WOULD confront her!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

The OW is still married? Then, tell her husband. Confrontation usually works best when you have the proof in hand. I know I even had physical proof in hand and my estranged husband denied, denied, denied.

Good luck!


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Please Pay CLOSE attention...

Do not interact with her.

Demand that he stop the affair IN YOUR PRESENCE.

Speaker phone will work just fine.

1. she will get a rise out of your begging.
2. She doesnt care about you in the slightest.
3. She wont stop because YOU asked
4. She will think she still has a chance if it isnt HIS WORDS
5. YOU wont believe its over till you hear him tell her to screw off.
6. you cant repair the boat while its filling with water... youhave to believe that you are working with eachother.. ( SEE 6 )

Need more? let me know... I got up to 100 reason why you shouldnt deal with her at all. Make him get on the speaker phone, or you on one line.. and have him say : I CHOOSE MY WIFE - THIS ENDS NOW - I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. ( a few curse words would make sure she never comes around again)

This is from experience.

Your welcome


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Well after I sent her the text, I waited until around dinner time and sent her another saying "You could at least give me the courtesy of an acknowledgment that you understand"
She did what I thought she would do....she went crying to my husband again. My husband is actually on a business trip and when I told him that I was driving over toher place to confront her in front of her husband he quickly called her and told her "batton down the hatches, wife's on the way" 
I chickened out going over there because I was afraid they would call the police or something. 
So I drove around aimlessly for about 2 hours, my husband calling me every few minutes, which I ignored.
When I finally did talk to him he assured me that he de-friended her on facebook, deleted her #, things like that. I find out this morning while I'm at work he just changed all his passwords so I can't see that he's talking with her.
I've called my best friend (who is a lawyer) and we are meeting sometime this week to discuss strategy. I'm not going to take a lying cheating husband anymore!


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Finding the grandma undies - RED FLAG
Finding the flirty texts - RED FLAG
Him changing his passwords - RED FLAG

Methinks you have more than enough to move on from this relationship if you ask me. You shoulda confronted him immediately on the underwear, i know my wife would. The underwear and the texts to me is enough to establish a PA. You confront him and he still contacts this woman. It should have been ZERO contact after he tells her right in front of you that its over. And as a follow up prize, he has to relinquish ALL passwords to phone, FB, MySpace, Twitter, whatever to prove he's on the level. Him changing his passwords mean he's still up to no good.

As for chasing down the OW, to me that's pointless. The problem and the way to solve the problem starts and ends with your husband. Chasing her around, just infuriates yourself.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I"m of the feeling now that he will never change. He will continue to see this woman and try his damndest to keep it hidden from me. well, I've grown tired of it. I'm tired of feeling so angry and hurt all the time. 
He's growing into the attitude that I'm having sex with our roommate (who is almost my dad's age) to try and justify what he's doing.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It looks as though they are just taking this affair underground. It's time to expose this affair to others. Begin with the OW's husband.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Craggy456 said:


> Well after I sent her the text, I waited until around dinner time and sent her another saying "You could at least give me the courtesy of an acknowledgment that you understand"
> She did what I thought she would do....she went crying to my husband again. My husband is actually on a business trip and when I told him that I was driving over toher place to confront her in front of her husband he quickly called her and told her "batton down the hatches, wife's on the way"
> I chickened out going over there because I was afraid they would call the police or something.
> So I drove around aimlessly for about 2 hours, my husband calling me every few minutes, which I ignored.
> ...


Do you have a facebook account too?


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

JustAGirl said:


> Do you have a facebook account too?


Yes I do


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Craggy456 said:


> Yes I do


Are you and your H friends?
Can you see her?
Has she blocked you?
Do you have any mutual friends?

I agree w/everyone about collecting evidence and I just wonder if you can dig or get someone on the inside, you might can get some stuff from there....people just can't seem to keep their mouths shut on there. I know, I have de-activated my account! My H didn't have one, but certain ppl always commented on my status (and they were male) and no matter what was said, it would ALWAYS be taken (by someone) the wrong way.....time to clean out my friend list it seems! lol

Good luck sweetie....I'm so sorry


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Ya he and I are friends on facebook and he has deleted her as a friend but that still won't stop her from trying to send him messages or text him.
I've got more than enough evidence, her granny panties, printouts of all the emails and FB messages she's sent.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Craggy456 said:


> Last month I was cleaning house and found her very large panties under his bed.


Sorry I was rereading this thread when this like cracked me up:rofl:
The words very and large were what cinched for me haha.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Anyways, have him block her, then she can't send him messages, I am not sure about him being able to send her messages if he's the one doing the blocking. When I sent the EA woman a facebook message stating that I had found the txts between her and my husband and to stay away from my husband and my family, she blocked both of us, THANK GOD, I know she blocked him too because I am checking his fb profile daily to check that. Do you have access to his emails? I just finally got my husbands email pw today, only cuz I forgot about it. The phones gotta get unlocked for sure, so you may have access to it. The last couple of days I have been driving myself crazy wondering if they are txting each other and he's just deleting them before he gets home, even though I watched him delete her phone number off of his phone. Damn straight I still have her number, ready for if she tries to contact my husband again lol.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

He says he has deleted her # and defriended her but since he's changed his passwords and refuses to give them to me, I know he's BS'ing me again and he will continue to see her. I think it is time for me to confront her in person in front of her husband and ruin her marriage and lose custody of her children. I am meeting with my best friend (and lawyer) on Sunday for lunch and divorce strategies. I'm done trying to make this work


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

You can check detailed cell phone recors for her number. But honestly, he can get a prepaid at any store and hide the calls. Same for facebook and new email addresses. If he is not willing to be totally transparent, he is up to somehting


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I can't even get into his cell phone account online. I have verizon and he has ATT and he changed his password for that, too. So ya I know he's still messing around with her and is doing his hardest to hide it. He denies, denies, denies, but i'm not a friggin idiot. This is the 3rd, yes 3rd, time he's done this and he will never stop

Edit: Third time denying he was still seeing her. He may have cheated in the past, but I was never aware of it


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

8years, spot on. If he refuses, there is something going on. You aren't an idiot Craggy. It's like DUH!!!!!


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