# Divorce court & lawyers vs mediation



## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

It has been over 3 1/2 years since I told my wife for the last time that our marriage was not working, that I could no longer live w/o an intimate relationship. She refused to have intercourse for years complaining of dryness, refused to see a gynecologist for possible solutions, and ....

She said "if you want intimacy get a girl friend, if sex find a *****".

We had substantial assets at the time, lived in a house with several 100K of equity, etc.

We had a prenup and lived by its terms, keeping our funds separate, sharing costs, protected our retirement savings from each other,& protected her (likely) substantial inheritance from me. We did not have children.

She spent her earnings, I saved mine.

I asked her time and time again to find several mediators she trusted and liked and I would choose one of them.

So what does she do? She finds an expensive, aggressive lawyer who wants to ignore the prenup and fight it out in court.

The divorce took place in Fairfield County, CT, home of CT's gold coast, where a**holes like her atty charge $500 an hour and up. He promised her a substantial share of my 401K and IRAs. Did he get it? No - he lied through his greedy teeth.

Along the way she threw out my family photos, family mementoes, some of my woodworking tools, artwork, antiques, stereo gear, CDs and more. Trying to make the house unsaleable she and her mother turned the house into a pig pen, some rooms so filled with junk that one couldn't reach large portions.

The judge's decision last June mentioned her "highly selective memory" - seems she "forgot" answers to numerous questions whose answer might favor me, forgot if she had a lumpectomy or a mastectomy, lied about being fired from a job she held for 25 years, failed to comply with court orders etc. Between us the attorneys, vanished equity and travel costs we have spent close to $300K. Absurd! She ended up with nothing, and within the past 18 months lost two more jobs. Now she is unemployed, not quite 62, and sharing a house with her mother. They live in CT, and I hope they will have many miserable years together.

I don't know why the affectionate, caring woman I met in our 30s turned into the b****h from hell, whether it was her ANGRY mother who hated the ex's father, too many years in HS and college consuming LSD, amphetamines, mushrooms, MJ, and other illegal drugs or a genetic defect, but she is broken beyond repair.

My advice to all who read this is, before getting married, even if you know you will be together forever, find two lawyers, one for each of you, and pay for a prenup that will work for you, one that insists on mediation, and insists that if one of you refuses mediation, the plaintiff will pay up front for the defendant's attorney and all associated costs. Oh, and make sure you each have signed copies stored in separate safe deposit boxes. Her p*icklette of an attorney had the nerve to stand up in court and tell the judge that a faxed copy of the prenup wasn't valid - she hid the original.

In any case, I'm poorer in money but richer in spirit, now living in northern California and enjoying life with a wonderful, good but not perfect woman.

And if you don't have a prenup and your stb ex insists on a divorce, skip the lawyers and represent yourself. Once you sign a retainer your money is their money.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Glad you've moved on, moved away, and found someone WORTH sharing your time, your emotions, your life with! ENJOY!!!!


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