# Heartbroken and devastated over separation... Help!



## Djspark999 (Jul 14, 2015)

My wife and I have been together for nine years, married three. 
She's Canadian, I am a Brit and we live in Spain. I have family in Canada and after a vacation there in 2012 we decided we could emigrate there. I was hoping for kids and a house and some stability. 
I suggested that we move to another city in Spain where she could get a better job for a year and where she had a wider social circle, where we would wait for our visa. I went to working just part-time. 
About six months after moving there, she said she had changed her mind and didn't want to go to Canada after all. I was in 'a bit of a funk' with the whole situation as my job was very boring and I was struggling to find another ai also had few friends while her social circle was expanding. Her change of mind over emigration put some strain on the relationship as did my 'funk' and we went to see a councillor. The upshot was that she didn't want to leave Spain for the time being and I would make more of an effort to find new friends and activities. I used to play a lot of sport, but a serious back injury curtailed that. I joined. Comedy club a writing club and and started getting our a bit more. In December last year, she said she had changed her mind again and wanted to go to Canada after all. I was ecstatic and we talked about kids and all the stuff I (and I thought we) had dreamed of. I had back surgery in February and about three weeks after that she told me that she had changed her mind again, and didn't want to leave. Shorty after she got a promotion. We were both seeing a councillor separately and in mid-May she said that it was over, she was emotionally shot and felt that we had grown apart. I was devastated. 
I have been doing amatuer radio for a while which I love, so I decided to come back to the UK and study an MA in radio. We lived in the same apartment for a couple of weeks, which was hell. She was very sad and crying, as was I. We have met up a couple of times, and she was sad once and angry with me the next, blaming the whole thing on me for 'checking out' the marriage back when I was in my 'funk'. 
It's been a couple of weeks since last contact and I am still suffering. I love her so much and miss being with her. I am so confused by everything, splitting up with the the woman I love, moving, studying again at 37. I feel like the cogs in my head just won't shut up and I am so scared of the future, and not being with her anymore. I just don't know how much more of the this emotional see saw I can take. 
Any advice? I'm sure she still has feelings for me and I still love every fibre of her being, for so long, it was just so good.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

So, she refused to move to Canada, but said OK to moving to UK with you? Then, once there, you lived together for a few weeks but now you're not?


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## Djspark999 (Jul 14, 2015)

No sorry, I will be returning to the UK alone.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Detach and work on you. Whether it works out or not, you will be mentally healthy for the next step of your life. A stable relationship is not guarantee nor does marriage provide security for a lifetime partner. So, the only part of this equation you control the variable is yourself. You have a potential of changing the outcome of the equation, but nonetheless, you do not control the other variable that is your wife.

Btw, she is keeping you on the fence so she has the time to make up her mind. She is keeping you hooked. It keeps one partner attached long enough so the other person has the option of time, choice, and control.

As always, here on TAM, she is cheating! A lil bit of humor here, but you need to figure out if she is attached to another as well, or she likes her prospects and you could be a hindrance to that. Once someone shuts away from you, they are not going to be open, so you may need to do some sleuthing.


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