# What Did I Do Wrong?



## Woes (Dec 17, 2011)

Hi folks,

Long story short, my new wife got extremely upset last night when I said I was going to go to my toddler cousin's 4th birthday party which amounts to pizza, cake and would take about 3 hours.

She said she couldn't go because it's a Monday night and the party is to early. She asked if I would still go and I said I wanted to go. 

She got irate and started telling me how I don't think she's important because I'd go without her, that I'm choosing the birthday party of her and that I don't think she's #1 in my life. And all because of me saying I want to go to the birthday party for my toddler cousin
.
She said there would be all girls. That I would be flirting with one of them which I had showed pictures of our new house to (which she got upset about) which I have absolutely no interest in. I'm married and take marriage as a serious thing. I'd never in a million years do anything to betray or make my wife feel insecure, unloved or un-anything for that matter.

I shot back with "I don't ever tell you that you can't do things", "If I can't go somewhere because I'm working or can't make the time, I never say don't go", when you want to talk or help your side of the family in any way I do not get in the way." And pointed out how she talks bad about people in my family when the people she talks bad about do nothing but kind things for her. That's not always the case, but it happened several times!

I've even spoke in frustration about having to go to one to many events at some point because they were one after another and she threw that in face as if I speak poorly of people often.

If I take to long getting home, she won't talk to me. But she can walk in whenever she wants. I'm supposed to let her know every move I make and she barely ever lets me know anything.

I just want to go to my little cousins birthday party without pissing off my wife and I really don't know why she's even upset. She's taking it so far that she's saying things on the lines of "you still have time if you want someone different" and so on.

I ask her what she's actually upset at and she talks about secondary things that have nothing to do with the initial birthday party fiasco. She says I said "all these bad things" about her. 

All I said was that she shouldn't be jealous over a little kids birthday party, that she has nothing to worry about, that her words about my family are not always nice, that I don't interfere with her helping, communicating or going to see her family even though its vary far away.

I'm a non-confrontational guy, I'll do my best to avoid conflict but when it comes to being treated like I don't have a choice and if I make the "wrong" choice which isn't even threatening to her, that I'm in trouble, well, that's just not cool.

I mean what gives? What did I do? I love my wife dearly, she truly is #1 in my life and she's the greatest girl I've ever met but I'm not going to stop loving my cousins, I not only want to go to the birthday but also feel it's appropriate to go. It's not like my friend's cousins son that's having a birthday. It's my cousin for God's sake!

I'm am trying to find fault in what I said, what I did because I'm truly interested in knowing how I went wrong and what I did wrong so I know the real score but I'm not seeing it. Yeah I could have not mentioned the way she had talked bad about people or that I don't get in her way or that I don't restrict her but really? I can't go to my toddler cousins birthday? What on earth is threatening her?

If she read this, she'd say I was attacking her. She'd point out all the things I missed or failed to mention which I really can't think of any.

And what would I ever say to my parents, my cousins which are the parents, that my wife won't let me go because she's not able to go? I can't even think of how'd I'd say that! I'd look like A: I didn't care. B: Like I was under my wife's rule. C: A complete wimp. D: I'd feel completely horrible.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't. And damned anyway because I "THOUGHT" about going.

For the love of God, someone help me understand!

-Woes


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

My advice would be to go, it's not a boys weekend away or stag night where she would be woried about whats going on. If you dont go you will regret it also she will have hold over where you go and what you do which isnt right. I respect the fact that you dont want to upset your wife but for her to get upset about you going to interact with your family makes no sense dont let her win and take control. On the night of the party let her know that you are going and give her some time to get ready in case she changes her mind and if she dont let her know that it wont be the same without her.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

It's a guilt trip...a control thing. Go. She will still be there when you get back.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Ridiculous. If she wanted to be there, she would be. She just doesn't want YOU to be there for whatever reason. Do not cave to her.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

She sounds a bit insecure. Perhaps she is one of these women who feels that she doesn't truly deserve anything good in her life, and when something good does happen (i.e., marrying you) she starts to look for "flaws", something that justifies her feelings of doubt. So she feels that you going alone is a harbinger of more ways you'll "treat her like trash".

You did nothing wrong.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

She wants to keep you under control. I had something similar a friend of mine (not a close one), was stabbed and in hospital and my wife wouldnt let me go to visit him (someone she didnt know at all). I cant advise you what to do, but its definitely not for all the reasons you have given.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> It's a guilt trip...a control thing. Go. She will still be there when you get back.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: Let her throw her fits. You're doing nothing wrong.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Your wife is very jealous. She's very inscure of herself. Go and have fun. I don't understand why she doesn't go with you. I do agree that's a bit controlling too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Tell me-does she give you the old "You're just like all the other jerks I've known"?

And then you alluded to how she can "walk in any time". If you ask her where she was, does she immediately shout you down, or say that you're too insecure and don't trust her?


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