# Sleeping Arrangements



## muffin1983 (Sep 1, 2013)

Ok, wondering if anyone is in the same situation and curious to know what everyone does. My husband is a snorer but I have learned to sleep through it. I occasionally snore and when I do my husband wakes me if he happens to be awake. It has gotten so bad that he'll sometimes wake me up 3 times in the night to the point where I get paranoid about snoring and be woken up that I can't fall back asleep. I have expressed my displeasure with this as I have gone to work on many occasions sleep deprived. I have told him that it my snoring bothers him to go into the spare room and not to wake me or I will start sleeping in there on nights when I know I need a good night sleep. My husband is totally against this idea as he feels if we start sleeping in separate rooms, it will eventually lead to divorce. Years ago, he used to sleep on the couch due to a bad back and his sister told him if he continued to do so, it will lead to divorce. I disagree, I actually think sleeping separately could make things better as I won't have to sleep with deprivation as much.

On a side note, our dog also sleeps with us and I'm finding his presence has become unwelcome in the bed. He is 40 pounds and sleeps in between us. I feel that I can't get close to my husband and intimacy has gone downhill. For the past 6 months or so, we only seem to have sex every 10 days or so, and it's never really spontaneous as I'm the one kicking the dog off the bed and my husband takes that as a sign.

I have also expressed my displeasure with the dog sleeping on the bed and it seems to fall on deaf ears. My husband tells me if I don't like the dog sleeping on the bed to kick him off, however when I do my husband pleads to let him stay and tells me he can't sleep without him and then says, "Look how cute he is." Unfortunately I cave and let him stay.

The past few months I have been thinking about moving into the spare room during the week and sleeping with my husband on the weekend. I am getting tired of being woken up by my husband or waking up to a sore back because of the dog and him taking up so much space. My husband is against the idea but I feel I have no other option besides just dealing with the situation as is and expecting nothing to change. I should add that my husband usually gets a solid night's sleep and sleeps in until 830 or 9 during the week since he doesn't start work until 930 and we live very close. It's the opposite for me, I start at 9 but have to leave by 8 due to a commute. I usually wake by 650.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Stop saying you're going to do something and then failing to follow through. You're teaching your husband (and dog) that you're just all bluff. Kick the dog off the bed and stick with it. Or would your husband rather sleep with the dog rather than you?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Oh, and there are things you both could try as far as snoring goes. Losing extra weight, not drinking alcohol before bed, different sleep positions... Speaking as a former snorer. . My STBXW would "nudge" me in the ribs when I was keeping her awake. In my case, it was losing weight that fixed me. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

My h snores to the point I think the house is going to fall down. He travels (sometimes for a few months at a time) so I sleep alone most the time. I am a very light sleeper. When he would come home, neither of us would get any sleep. He would keep me awake with his snoring and I would wake him up several times a night to ask him to quit. He would eventually go looking for another place to sleep - the couch or one of the kids's rooms if they were gone. So I moved two of the kids together and gave him his own room.

It works good for us. He usually starts out in "our" room and when we get ready to sleep, he moves on. Sometimes he will still try to sleep with me, but it never lasts for long.

As for the dog - no way, get him off your bed.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

PBear said:


> Oh, and there are things you both could try as far as snoring goes. Losing extra weight, not drinking alcohol before bed, different sleep positions... Speaking as a former snorer. . My STBXW would "nudge" me in the ribs when I was keeping her awake. In my case, it was losing weight that fixed me.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: I also read where coffee is a big culprit to snoring. Still trying to get h off it to see if it would help.


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

OMG -- those are all things that can help with not snoring?!? 

No alcohol? No coffee? 

I'm screwed.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Get some ear plugs, kick the dog out and stand up for yourself. The dog is not more important than you.


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## KAM1959 (Aug 28, 2013)

Sleeping separately is no big deal. My wife and I have different bedrooms for multiple reasons. One is that I am a snorer myself but the other is I work, from home and usually late at night. Whereas she has to go to bed early because she gets up at 3:30 A.M. to start getting ready for work. So our opposite schedule makes sleeping together even more difficult. The only important thing is that you come together for intimacy and sex on a regular basis.
Now as far as the dog goes, he has got to go, if you continue to sleep together. He is just to big and it is like sleeping with an eight year old child. If you chose to have your own bedroom then if your husband doesn't mind the dog with him then he can go with him! but the dog must go.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

PBear said:


> Oh, and there are things you both could try as far as snoring goes. Losing extra weight, not drinking alcohol before bed, different sleep positions... Speaking as a former snorer. . My STBXW would "nudge" me in the ribs when I was keeping her awake. In my case, it was losing weight that fixed me.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, losing weight cured my husband's snoring also. His snoring was not terribly bad but after he lost 50 pounds in the last 5 months, I have noticed that it has been a long time since he has snored. I used to shake the bed to get him to shift and stop snoring. That worked sometimes but not always.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

I've been thinking of starting a "sleeping arrangement" thread, and I'm glad I found this discussion.

Our issues are not so much with the snoring, which seems to have ceased with hubs losing 30 lbs. 

With us, one of us will fall asleep on the sofa while watching TV. The other will go to bed. If HE falls asleep on the sofa, more times than not, he'll continue to sleep on the sofa ALL night.

If I fall asleep on the sofa, I'll wake up somewhere around midnight and go to bed. Hence, I'm sleeping alone............almost everynight. Some nights, he does come to bed, but in most cases it's about 2 AM. 

This has been bothering me lately. We've been married almost 10 years, and it's just getting worse. If I suggest we "go to bed together at the same time", he takes it as I'm telling him to go to bed WAY before he's ready. I'm tired around 9:30/10:00 and therefore go right to sleep. He can stay awake later than me on most nights.

In any case, I feel it's taken away some of our closeness and intimacy.


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## muffin1983 (Sep 1, 2013)

Thanks for the advice. Last night was the first time in a while where the dog didn't sleep with us. It was nice having more room.

Also working on the snoring - we are going to go the weight loss route.


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## Anastasia72 (Jun 9, 2013)

My husband and I slept in separate rooms for about 11 years. My daughter had trouble sleeping so I would lay down with her and just never got back up. Occasionally I would but husbands snoring drove me crazy.
He never liked it. He said he didn't get married to sleep by himself. I just wanted to sleep and didn't listen to his complaints. We still had sex a few times a week but he was still disconnected from me (so he says). 
He ended up having an affair and leaving me. We did eventually reconcile but one thing he wanted was to sleep together. It took months for me to get used to it again and would often lay awake for hours. Now two years later I go straight to sleep and our marriage is good.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

> On a side note, our dog also sleeps with us and I'm finding his presence has become unwelcome in the bed. He is 40 pounds and sleeps in between us. I feel that I can't get close to my husband and intimacy has gone downhill.


Many LD spouses who do not want to be bothered by their partners would pay serious dollars for such a dog... Maybe you should breed the dog :rofl:

Seriously, the snoring can be looked at by a doctor (sleep study, other techniques) and a root cause found and treated. There's all kind of medical reasons one snores. Also, a larger bed would allow extra space when dog is with you. We have a king size from back when our kids were sleeping with us for the first couple years and it has worked wonders. 

Intimacy was not an issue - move child to her room, then when done bring child back . No good way to do this to the dog but you could also kick the dog out as suggested. Or maybe train him/her to sleep on the floor?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

No dog, but otherwise the same situation in our house, with wife the primary snorer.

Most nights we start out in the same bed, and probably half of those nights I eventually relocate to the other bedroom. By the time she's asleep, it doesn't really matter to her where I am, but it sure matters to me. My day job requires my full brain to be engaged.

No harm, no foul. I'm there for the 1 night a week something other than sleep might break out, and gone by morning.


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## redamzcy (Nov 8, 2013)

My h snores to the point I think the house is going to fall down.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your snoring could be caused by sleep apnea. So the first thing you need to do is to see a doctor about getting a sleep test. 

If you do not have sleep apnea then you can pursue other things that help to stop snoring. There is a health reason for your snoring.

An important question here is that you have a health problem but are ignoring it. Why is this?

Now on to the dog. Dogs do what their owners allow them to do. Both you and your husband can have what you want with the dog. Just teach the dog to sleep on the other side of your husband. When you get in bed position yourself close to your husband. If you have to kick the dog out of bed to do this, then so be it. Then your husband can encourage the dog to come sleep at his other side.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

redamzcy said:


> My h snores to the point I think the house is going to fall down.


Get him to get a sleep apnea test.

Is he tired all the time?


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## Tiberius (Mar 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Get him to get a sleep apnea test.
> 
> Is he tired all the time?



Agree with EleGirl, someone I know was a big snorer, who went to the doctor and discovered the snoring was caused by polyps in the nose that were obstructing his oxygen intake.
This in return caused his heart to pump more, and his heart muscle became enlarged.

As for sleeping with the dog, I am sorry it is disgustingly unhygienic. The dog should sleep in his basket outside the bedroom.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

In our case, my wife snores an constantly moves around during sleep.
Always get her feet and arms tangled in between mine.
I am not a " deep sleeper " , the slightest movement , if the light in the room comes on, any sound can wake me.

Our arrangement is simple.
We always go to bed together, but I usually doze off long before her. By the time she starts to snore , I leave the bed , pull the cover over her, and head for the next room.
I usually wake very early , so I get to crawl back into bed to wake her in the morning time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> In our case, my wife snores an constantly moves around during sleep.
> Always get her feet and arms tangled in between mine.
> I am not a " deep sleeper " , the slightest movement , if the light in the room comes on, any sound can wake me.
> 
> ...


Has your wife been tested for sleep apnea? It's a serious health risk. She should be tested just to make sure she does not have this problem.

One of the reasons that she might move around a lot in her sleep is that sleep apnea disturbs a person's sleep and the move around trying to get the clear air passage they need. This is done while in a sleep state so they are not recall it when awake.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Has your wife been tested for sleep apnea? It's a serious health risk. She should be tested just to make sure she does not have this problem.
> 
> One of the reasons that she might move around a lot in her sleep is that sleep apnea disturbs a person's sleep and the move around trying to get the clear air passage they need. This is done while in a sleep state so they are not recall it when awake.


What you said there is pretty new to me, but it sounds probable.
She doesn't snore all night neither loudly, but in earlier times,I used to wake her up to " fix " her properly because her head and torso would be in an awkward position.

Sometimes when I get up to use the bathroom I go check on her and she's lying across the bed! It's a king size bed , so her body is still fully on the bed, but it all just seems awkward.

But thanks for the info, I'll check online for it, and seek medical help.


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