# Does this warrant a divorce??



## keke201718 (Nov 16, 2017)

Hello, 

I have been thinking of divorcing for a few years. I just cant seem to pull the trigger.

Please let me know your thoughts on my marriage. 

We have been together for 7 years, married for 6. TRIED to make a blended family work. 
Kids were 11,9 and 7 when we married. I have one son ( now 19) and his two girls are now 
17 and 15. We had about 3 GREAT years where everyone got along, and had a lot of fun.

The first huge problem was a conflict I had with his mother. We bought an older car (15 years old) from his mother for my son to learn to drive with. Husbands mother informed him that MY son was not to drive that car and it was to be SAVED for his girls (her grandkids) to drive- still 3 more years away. Needless to say I was beyond pissed and didnt go to her house for Christmas the next month. Husband went with his girls,had a great time and came home with a ton of gifts for them. His mother didnt send any gifts back for my son and I- no biggy. But when I asked my hubby about it, he said...Well, my mother took care of my girls and that is all that matters to me! Needless to say, I was pissed again. We ended up selling the car ( instead of letting it sit for 3 years) my husband thought since we sold the car, all was fine. That was a huge source of conflict for us and continues to be. I still do not speak to his mother as she has done more things thru the years to let my son and I know we are not part of the family. My husband lets her get away with it and just hopes it all goes away.

2nd biggest issue, his kids are now constantly lying, stealing and manipulating. I have to hide any make up that I dont want stolen. Have to lock my bedroom door or things go missing all the time. Among the things they have stolen, Money, old coins, laptop..the list goes on. They are lazy kids that will never wash a dish or sweep a floor. My husband just says, I tell them to, but they dont do it. We have the kids Mon-Thursday, so I avoid the house until its time to come home and go to bed.

3rd issue..we have NO sex life! Husband gained 50 pounds in the first few years of being married ( he wasn't thin to begin with) he has low testerone and just doesnt do anything to make himself healthy. Its been about a year and a half since I have had my own bedroom ( he snores non stop too). His low testerone ( he is 52) and my lack of interest now because of all the crap I feel I put up with and he cant get or keep an erection, makes for no sex life.

Last issue to speak of .. A few weeks ago I found a note from his oldest daughter about how she was miserable at our house, hated it, was bored to death there and how much she HATED me. I figured she didnt like me, but the only reason for her to hate me was because I call her out to her dad on all the bull**** she does.

I could go on and on, but I just want to know what you all think. We have done counseling, couples counseling, counseling with the kids, all of it. I just feel like I have checked out and am over all the drama and bull****. I am not perfect and have a lot of blame as well, but I feel like I have nothing left to give.

Any thoughts? Suggestions?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

1st question: Do you love him?

2nd question: Do you even want to stay married to a man who is a wimpy father to his children, overweight, impotent, snoring, slob of a man who lets his mother and his children treat you badly?

3rd question: Have the two of you ever had on going couple's counseling? All these issues need to be addressed. If he refuses to come to a middle ground with you, then you really need to think about how much longer you are willing to be miserable.


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## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

This is no way to live. If you're sure you've done all you can (and it sounds like it from your post), then I agree it's time to seriously consider your options, including divorce


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Yes, in my opinion this warrants a divorce. 

Your family really isn't "blended" at all, your mother in law sounds ghastly, and your husband has no interest in having a healthy sex life/marriage with you. Not to mention he's let his health go, he hasn't cut the apron strings from his mother, and his kids hate you.

It sounds pretty awful. Personally I would have been out of there a long time ago.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

No one can answer for you if you should divorce.

But given what you wrote I would not blame you. Start getting your ducks lined up .save some cash.get your tax returns together ete etc.

Just in case.wink wink!

Good luck


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## keke201718 (Nov 16, 2017)

Ugh, the I love him,,but def NOT in love with him. 

We tried counseling, a few years ago and nothing changed. 

Thank your for your thoughts!


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Yes, grounds for divorce. He sounds pathetic...but i wonder, what has suddenly light a fire under your ass? Do you have someone waiting in the wings so to speak. DO NOT engage in anything extramarital until the plug is pulled on the marriage. (that is if there is another relationship waiting around for you to pick up)

Do not waste time, this is not a healthy environment for you, your son, or his dysfunctional girls. Sounds like they have little princess syndrome. Might as well let him keep raising those girls alone before you need to be raising their grandchildren or dealing with fighting their legal battles. Plus, you never need to talk to the MONSTER in law. 

I cant see a negative here from leaving him. You care for him, but this is not love. Love makes you want to suffer through things to stay with them because life is better with them. This is not better.... GET OUT.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

keke201718 said:


> Ugh, the I love him,,but def NOT in love with him.
> 
> We tried counseling, a few years ago and nothing changed.
> 
> Thank your for your thoughts!


I was going to say the situation sounded really bad and divorce worthy, but if you love him and want to be with him maybe try counseling. Only you love him, but aren't in love with him, and already did take a crack at counseling. So, yeah, I think divorce wouldn't be unreasonable at this point.

Just curious, is he on testosterone replacement? We are all chemical engines. If my understanding is correct, many men with low T pretty much check out emotionally and physically due to lack of energy, lack of drive, generally being a bit numb inside. The sex could return with testosterone replacement. His spine where his kids and mom are concerned might make a reappearance, too. If he's already on replacement hormone and still gives zero ****s or is unwilling to go to his doctor and get replacement hormone, then there isn't anything more you can do.


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## keke201718 (Nov 16, 2017)

In response to threelittlestars... as to what has lit a fire under me??

I really think it was the letter I just found with his oldest daughter saying how much she hated me. I really had NO idea. Now I do and I do NOT want to wait three more years for his youngest to leave the house. Nothing extra maritial going on, it really is just time to get out.

Thank you!!


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Of course she hates you. You are the only one setting boundaries with her. Did you love her before you read that letter? Is there a chance that she is just a hormonal, immature, selfish teen who might grow up someday and recognize that you were doing the right thing in setting boundaries?

How long/many times did you and your husband go to counselling? Not that there is a magic number, but 3 times is not the same thing as once a week for a year.


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## keke201718 (Nov 16, 2017)

Araucaria, 
UGH! I guess she does hate me because I would always tell her dad when something was missing/stolen. I would guess she is hormonal and very immature as well. 
I have been to counseling a few times through the last few years. If I had to guess, maybe 20 sessions. My husband and his girls, maybe 20 sessions total for all of them combined. 

Thank you for your input!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, you have good cause for a divorce. You say that you love him but are no longer 'in love'. I can see why. 

What are the things standing between you and a divorce? Do you have a job? Do the two of you own a house together?


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## keke201718 (Nov 16, 2017)

Hello EleGirl, 

I would say the only thing holding me back from a divorce is that he doesnt want one. We have a house together but we would need to sell it. I have a good job, so after the house is sold, the bills would be manageable. 

Thank you!


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Go see a good family law attorney and weigh all of your legal options!

From your standpoint, I’d say that this marriage may well have already run it’s course!*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

keke201718 said:


> Hello EleGirl,
> 
> I would say the only thing holding me back from a divorce is that he doesnt want one. We have a house together but we would need to sell it. I have a good job, so after the house is sold, the bills would be manageable.
> 
> Thank you!


Hi keke,

Well, he cannot stop you from getting a divorce. He is clearly not happy. I can think of two things that might be going on. 1) He does not want a divorce because he does not want to split assets and pay child support. or 2) he's simply does not care about much of anything and it would take too much effort to get a divorce. Way too easy to just stay with the status quo.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Hi keke,
> 
> Well, he cannot stop you from getting a divorce. He is clearly not happy. I can think of two things that might be going on. 1) He does not want a divorce because he does not want to split assets and pay child support. or 2) he's simply does not care about much of anything and it would take too much effort to get a divorce. Way too easy to just stay with the status quo.


*Ele: While rationale No. 2 makes sense, the “child support clause” of rationale No. 1 definitely does not, primarily because that since they didn’t have kids together, he can’t be legally held up to the standard of paying for their child support!

From my observations, I’d just have to say that the bastard greatly sounds like he is just lazy, self-serving, “has himself a birdnest on the ground” and because of that convenience, is rather reluctant to offer up any discernible change!*


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Do you live on Elm Street? Cause you sound like you’re living a nightmare on Elm Street. Get out while you can.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Get out. Go get laid too. Life is way too short to put up with that BS and NOT get sex! Seriously, what's the point of living? 

He's lazy, fat, and stupid. Go find a better guy. Are you in great shape, attractive? If not, start working on it and you'll be in a much better place 6 months from now.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

His daughter hates you. He has long since checked out of the marriage. 

Time to go.


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