# Awkward Sex



## oops215 (Jul 2, 2012)

My husband and I have had a rocky relationship for the past year (or longer I'd say) But, now after all that.... I feel like sex is sooo awkward. He has brought up to me that he wants me to be more creative in bed many, many times. But, I don't feel comfortable initiating anything new. I told it's fine if he does, but I'm not going to. He won't leave me alone about it and it's just making me feel more and more awkward. 

Our other issue is that we hardly ever kiss because I don't like the way he kisses. He knows, I've told him what I don't like about it. He sticks his whole entire tongue in my mouth and does circles and then wonders why I don't do anything when he does it.... I can't freakin' do anything when he's doing that.... it's like an over invasion of my mouth. At this point though, the kissing thing is kind of on the back burner because sex is so weird...

This is all super annoying....... anyone?


----------



## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Well...I had the same complaint with my wife. For 20+ years I can't recall a single instance when she instigated anything. And our times in bed were very vanilla. I got really bored after about 10 years and then we had kids, she focused on them and not me, and now we're getting divorced.

I know us guys have our issues...but I really don't think women truly understand just HOW important sex is to men. Simple, simple little things could've saved my marriage. But not having sex is non-negotiable.

Maybe you can find something on the internet about "good kissing" to show him? And maybe force yourself to try something a little new? Baby steps.


----------



## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

Hi Oops
It seems you can communicate well together but there is no new action on either side. Do you know why that is, is there a lack of ideas (on how to kiss or be creative)? Have you tired showing him how you like to kiss?

Has he elaborated or showed you what he considers creative?


----------



## oops215 (Jul 2, 2012)

I am willing to do other things that he wants to do sex-wise.... I don't turn him down if he wants to change things up. I like to have sex- but I was pretty inexperienced with it before him so, I don't know. 

I told him what I didn't like about the way he kisses me, so he just stopped kissing me all together.... great solution.


----------



## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

I think you are in the best position to show him how you like to be kissed. Make it into a game, fun, smile at the situation if you can to make it easier to move forward.

There are lots of sites online which will give you ideas into different sexual acts and fantasy role play. I assume you have seen them, if not then search online for adult sites.


----------



## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

The internet is your friend. You can find all the info you need on the particulars of how to do something. If you don't know how, learn. I don't mean that in a bad way but like with my wife, if she doesn't know how to do something (cook, clean, sex) then she just says to herself "Oh well, I won't ever know how to do that." She would never try to learn and it just made her stay immature all the way to now, in her 40's.

Don't sit around and watch this happen! YOU be the proactive one! Hopefully he'll see you trying and do the same thing himself.


----------



## Little Bird (Jan 16, 2012)

There's some gold in your situation; TEACH him how you'd like to be kissed. It will be a very fun, sexy game and he'll love it.

You kiss him, then have him kiss you back the way you just showed him.

I think the reason he won't "leave you alone" about it is because he WANTS you to initiate something new. If it makes you uncomfortable, start small. Start with some sexy lingerie, or maybe an 'outfit' (costume-esque) --- all you have to do is wear it and show up, and he'll take the lead if that makes me more comfortable. The point is, you need to show the effort and desire to want to have great sex with him.

Flirt with him outrageously as well. You can drive him nuts with banter and simple touches


----------



## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

oops215 said:


> I am willing to do other things that he wants to do sex-wise.... I don't turn him down if he wants to change things up. I like to have sex- but I was pretty inexperienced with it before him so, I don't know.
> 
> *I told him what I didn't like about the way he kisses me, so he just stopped kissing me all together.... great solution*.


Then you kiss him the way YOU want to be kissed and maybe he'll buy a clue. You know he's just a little butt hurt right now, but he'll be alright when he stops pouting.


----------



## heartsdelight (Apr 2, 2012)

Hit up cosmo's website. There's lots of tips. Make it a game. Keep things light. My husband and I have awkward sexual moments sometimes but we laugh and call each other out and it helps us bond.


----------



## J.R.Jefferis (Jun 27, 2012)

I think wherever there is love and trust these things are easily overcome. We should remember that the quality of a couple's sex life is a reflection of the quality of their overall relationship or marriage. The mistake many couples make is to think that if they solve the problems they may have in their sex life, everything will be fine. However these problems are generally a reflection of greater issues in the relationship or marriage that don't have to do with sex. Rather than trying to fix the issues related specifically to sex, couples would do better to address the greater problems within their relationship. Once these are addressed and improved, the quality of their sex life will almost always follow suit.

JR


----------



## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

J.R.Jefferis said:


> I think wherever there is love and trust these things are easily overcome. We should remember that the quality of a couple's sex life is a reflection of the quality of their overall relationship or marriage. The mistake many couples make is to think that if they solve the problems they may have in their sex life, everything will be fine. However these problems are generally a reflection of greater issues in the relationship or marriage that don't have to do with sex. Rather than trying to fix the issues related specifically to sex, couples would do better to address the greater problems within their relationship. Once these are addressed and improved, the quality of their sex life will almost always follow suit.
> 
> JR


Do you think those others issues are always obviously to even the person with the issue? I liked your post because I agree that intimacy is hardest when there are others problems on the scene, but I wonder if those problems are always addressable.


----------



## J.R.Jefferis (Jun 27, 2012)

Henri said:


> Do you think those others issues are always obviously to even the person with the issue? I liked your post because I agree that intimacy is hardest when there are others problems on the scene, but I wonder if those problems are always addressable.


Of course not, not only are they not always obvious, it is actually quite uncommon for them to be obvious to a couple. Also, it is so easy for people to say that a bad sex life is the problem rather than admitting that there are deeper structural problems in their relationship. These deeper problems are usually tough to address and that is why couple's keep them under the surface and then simply blame everything on bad sex.

JR


----------



## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Sometimes I want to stick my whole tongue in my girls mouth so she can suck it like a small penis.

Sometimes I just want to touch lips and feel her softness. 

Sometimes I want her to stick her tongue in my mouth, as much as she can so I can see she wants me. She wants my germs. She wants me to know she is into me.

Sometimes I want our tongues to softly touch, barely moving them past our own lips. 

Moods and times. Explain to him what you want, how you want it. COMMUNICATION.

Conquer kissing then we can talk about your sex issue.


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Let him know that when he gets you worked up into a lather you'll want his tongue in your mouth but you have to get to that point. You can't start out sex like it's a wildfire. It has to smolder first and then build into a wildfire. Just get aggressive one day and tie him to the bed. Tell him you are in charge of sex that day (or night). Then do what you want to him. Kiss him the way you want, force him to enter you at your own speed by sitting on him. If he starts to stick his tongue in your mouth pull back, tell him he's being naughty and then tell him to keep his tongue in his mouth until tell him different. But be sure to let him do it eventually. In this way you can literally train him what you like.

And then next time you do it, blindfold him. He'll never know where you're going to touch him next, it will drive him crazy. Then let him do that to you. Sex should not be awkward especially in a marriage. But sometimes both partners have to learn to completely give up control during sex.


----------

