# Foreplay options?



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I'm sorta running out of ideas.

My wife doesn't like to have any contact with her lady parts during sex except PIV, which she thoroughly enjoys. For about a million different reasons, I have been trying to figure out what possible foreplay options (specifically, foreplay that increases female sexual arousal) we have available to us given:

1. Oral is out - she's not interested
2. Delicate touching on the vulva (either uncovered or through any clothing) is tolerated for 15-30 seconds as a favor to me, but quickly becomes unwelcome and is not sexually arousing.
3. Ditto for insertion of any fingers or any more vigorous "handling"
4. There is a vanishingly small possibility that some sort of toy might be acceptable, but the idea has fallen pretty flat during discussion.

We have a WeVibe that we use frequently during sex, which works quite well, but only when used in conjunction with my thrusting. 

As the proud owner of a penis, I'm wondering if there are any women hereon who have any suggestions that perhaps I haven't considered.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Cletus said:


> I'm sorta running out of ideas.
> 
> My wife doesn't like to have any contact with her lady parts during sex except PIV, which she thoroughly enjoys. For about a million different reasons, I have been trying to figure out what possible foreplay options (specifically, foreplay that increases female sexual arousal) we have available to us given:
> 
> ...


Stroke the penis outside of the vagina over the clit and in between the vaginal lips to massage the clit. It will warm it up without you touching it with your hand.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

What about a naked massage, first giving then receiving? It can be fun if you agree to everything except for the fun parts.

Any other areas of her body (neck, ears, knees, fingers, etc.) where kissing or stroking turns her on?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> What about a naked massage, first giving then receiving? It can be fun if you agree to everything except for the fun parts.
> 
> Any other areas of her body (neck, ears, knees, fingers, etc.) where kissing or stroking turns her on?


"Turns her on" is not the phrase I would use. There are places she enjoys being touched and stroked, but as far as I know there is nothing on earth that gets her aroused except good ol' intercourse.


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## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

Have you tried a game? I use to love a couples game. nookie is one that I have tried. A shower or bath together.... Strip show? Im a very touchie feelie person so a massage works for me but if that doesn't work for her I guess finding other ways is needed. Maybe try read a page of erotica together lol


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Mine likes whiskers on the back of her neck - don't know why, but it always works to get her hot. So, I don't shave except right before going to work!


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Is she aroused by, erm, "situational enhancers" such as blindfolds, restraints, etc? What about running a silk scarf lightly over her body and talking dirty to her while she is blindfolded? Have you tried a massage candle? Watching porn together? Tantric sex?

Does she have erogenous zones--feet, back of neck, small of back, etc. where you could concentrate? 

If she likes PIV, would she allow you to use a dildo on her for some variety? 

That's all I got off the top of my head . . . but if I think of anything else I'll chime back in.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So...does these mean handcuff are out?

Are you looking to get her from 0-7 or from 4-9?

Your kissing must be out of this world since you aren't allowed to touch her breasts either. I don't know how she can become aroused enough to orgasm at all under such constraints.

She can tolerate her clit being stimulated by the we vibe but only during PIV, which leads me to think hands on genitals is the issue, not necessarily having her genitals touched.

Try a knee...maybe? Lube up your knee with a healthy dose of your favorite and rub it up and down. Course, you'll need to have real healthy joints... Maybe you could get her to ride your knee? You lay side by side with your knee between her legs and she rubs herself on your knee?

Sorry, that's all I could come up with but maybe someone else can piggyback on it.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Mine likes whiskers on the back of her neck - don't know why, but it always works to get her hot. So, I don't shave except right before going to work!


I thought you said "Men like whiskers on the back of their neck", I was going to say "that would feel gay".


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

What about just kissing/making out/mashing? That's always our foreplay.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Also I didn't want to hi-jack your thread so I put it up on "My Blog" thread in the ladies section...but I wrote a post about Hair Play and thought maybe it could be foreplay in your world.


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## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: Foreplay options?*



Faithful Wife said:


> What about just kissing/making out/mashing? That's always our foreplay.


Thats true. I do love a good make out session Even dry humping hahha clothes on teasing with the knee.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Try a knee...maybe? Lube up your knee with a healthy dose of your favorite and rub it up and down. Course, you'll need to have real healthy joints... Maybe you could get her to ride your knee? You lay side by side with your knee between her legs and she rubs herself on your knee?


Oh yes, I LOVE to ride my husband's thigh while we he lies on his back and I'm cuddled next to him. I just grind away. I used to joke that it would be handy if he'd have a second penis on this thigh. It would be double awesome if his leg was lubed up, too.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Very little is more sensual to me than having my hair brushed. It's a delicious sort of relaxing turn on.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Rowan said:


> Very little is more sensual to me than having my hair brushed. It's a delicious sort of relaxing turn on.


Ahhh I bet that would be lovely!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

GettingIt said:


> Oh yes, I LOVE to ride my husband's thigh while we he lies on his back and I'm cuddled next to him. I just grind away. I used to joke that it would be handy if he'd have a second penis on this thigh. It would be double awesome if his leg was lubed up, too.


That my version of initiation. But he messes up my rhythm when he tries to grind with me. Just be still dammit!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

GettingIt said:


> Oh yes, I LOVE to ride my husband's thigh while we he lies on his back and I'm cuddled next to him. I just grind away. I used to joke that it would be handy if he'd have a second penis on this thigh. It would be double awesome if his leg was lubed up, too.


They make a thigh strap on for exactly this.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> They make a thigh strap on for exactly this.


FW awesome! I did not know that!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Draw a hot bath for her with scented candles in the room. buy a few roses and pull the pedals off and sprinkle them on the floor. Put on soft music. Spread the rose pedals from the bathroom into the bedroom, even if it's just a few. Put a few pedals on the bed. 

Go in the bathroom after a few minutes and offer to wash her back with a nice soft warm cloth or her favorite luffa?.

Leave the bathroom after telling her how much you love her and gently kissing her face all over. Tell her you'd like her to come to the bedroom when she's done. 

Go to the bedroom and make sure there are scented candles lit for backlighting and soft music playing. Be dressed when she comes into the bedroom. Make sure you have just a little cologne on. Wear a nice shirt and some comfortable blue jeans. Make sure the sleeves of your shirt are rolled up a little and a couple buttons of your shirt are undone.

As she comes in, take her hand and kiss her cheek and guide her to the bed. When she sits, tell her how much you love her and kiss her hand. Kiss each finger and her hand, front and back kiss slowly and gently up her arms. Yes, both hands and arms. Kiss her softly, but don't tickle her, all over, feet, legs, tummy, but nothing sexual until you have kissed her all over. Show her that you love her body and want her. Kiss her lips and face all over, too. 

The rest is what is up to you and what she will allow. 

Just a thought or two. Good luck.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Read up on Tantric sex. Some of it teaches or stresses....how to make love to your partner without ever touching their genitals. The idea is making love to the whoooooooooole person and not just about PIV. 

I think it's sexy.... alot of different touching and stroking.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Sounds like you guys need some counseling, maybe with a licensed sex therapist.

My wife doesn't like it when I go straight for the goods. Usually during the foreplay phase we will touch each other so depending on where she is touching me is how I will touch her. If you haven't tried already just slow it way down and then see if you can build up to it.

If after your best effort to slow it down she still doesn't want you touching her there then something is wrong and she and/or you need therapy. Again, only see a licensed therapist.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Sucking on her fingers during PIV is hot hot hot.

I agree with other posts. Since she won't let you touch her with your fingers, massage her clit with your penis or your knee. Both are good options.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Thanks for the replies.

I'm well aware of the need for setting the mood. I give a foot massage to die for, and have many times spent 90 minutes on a good coconut oil whole body massage - I even bought the table with the electric heated sheet and face pillow. Hair brushing, candles, music, etc. ad nauseum. We have a jetted Jacuzzi tub that we use mostly for soaking and talking. 

These are what I consider gateway drugs for sex. They're the price of admission, the things that get everyone in the mood and ready to participate. Those are not the things I was asking for. Or were they, and I missed the point?

Sex for us allows simple intercourse as the only means of arousal. I don't mean the "let's get naked" kind of arousal, I mean the kind that brings you near(er) to orgasm. It's not working as well for us as it used to. I've lost some length and girth from a mild case of Peyronie's. She's been suffering from sciatica, so "Hop on Pop" is less frequent. "Pop on Top" orgasms are getting harder to come by too. Some of my personal satisfaction suffers when I have to spend most of my time trying to excite my partner via the same actions that I then have to fight against enjoying too much myself.

Hence the search for some other way to take some of the load off of my penis during sex.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

committed_guy said:


> If after your best effort to slow it down she still doesn't want you touching her there then something is wrong and she and/or you need therapy. Again, only see a licensed therapist.


So you're saying a woman who doesn't want to be touched that way needs therapy? That sounds a little harsh - if it brings you no pleasure, why would you want someone doing it?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Sucking on her fingers during PIV is hot hot hot.
> 
> I agree with other posts. Since she won't let you finger he with your fingers, massage her clit with your penis or your knee. Both are good options.


Allright, that's two votes for the thigh/penis one-two punch. I'll put that on the list.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Cletus said:


> So you're saying a woman who doesn't want to be touched that way needs therapy? That sounds a little harsh - if it brings you no pleasure, why would you want someone doing it?


You'r right I shouldn't generalize. From my experience and what I read it is normal to involve manual stimulation during foreplay.

If what isn't normal is ok for you two then have fun. But you asked what to do with an un-normal wife so you got my 2 cents.

Good luck.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

committed_guy said:


> You'r right I shouldn't generalize. From my experience and what I read it is normal to involve manual stimulation during foreplay.
> 
> If what isn't normal is ok for you two then have fun. But you asked what to do with an un-normal wife so you got my 2 cents.
> 
> Good luck.


Thanks, no offense taken. She's not normal, and doesn't even know it. But there are plenty of things some guys like that I don't much care for either, so I wondered about your reply.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> So...does these mean handcuff are out?
> 
> Are you looking to get her from 0-7 or from 4-9?


4-8. She really likes 9 to come from the ol' standby, and I'm OK with that. I'd like to be able to get close enough that 9 becomes inevitable when we switch. She's a highly orgasmic woman with an extraordinarily limited repertoire. 



> Your kissing must be out of this world since you aren't allowed to touch her breasts either. I don't know how she can become aroused enough to orgasm at all under such constraints.


'Tis a mystery. 



> She can tolerate her clit being stimulated by the we vibe but only during PIV, which leads me to think hands on genitals is the issue, not necessarily having her genitals touched.


That's not so clear. I have been asked infrequently during our marriage to slide a hand in to get her over the falls, so the idea of hands-on isn't repulsive, but it can only happen as a last resort. It's also a neat trick to manage when you're doing it missionary style and need to keep your balance. 



> Try a knee...maybe? Lube up your knee with a healthy dose of your favorite and rub it up and down. Course, you'll need to have real healthy joints... Maybe you could get her to ride your knee? You lay side by side with your knee between her legs and she rubs herself on your knee?


So I should take a knee? You calling me a quitter?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You are no quitter! 

Yes, I do think your wife has some hang ups, and yes, you and I have been round and round on this so I'll just respect your admirable loyalty to your wife on this.

Will she allow herself to have her bottom situated on the very end of the bed so you can stand up as you enter? This way you don't have to worry about one armed push ups!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> You are no quitter!
> 
> Yes, I do think your wife has some hang ups, and yes, you and I have been round and round on this so I'll just respect your admirable loyalty to your wife on this.
> 
> Will she allow herself to have her bottom situated on the very end of the bed so you can stand up as you enter? This way you don't have to worry about one armed push ups!


I've been more insistent on not taking the status quo for granted any longer the last year, which means we have tried a few things that were previously disallowed. That's how the WeVibe was discovered, and how I've learned that she really, really doesn't like getting touched during foreplay, and no, it's not completely psychological.

Haven't tried the standing next to the bed thing in a long, long time. It played to uninspired reviews then as having an uncomfortable angle of entry combined with a lack of necessary grinding surface for fun. Could be worth a revisit now.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I got exhausted and turned off just reading the things you have to do to set the mood.

I admire your perseverance.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I got exhausted and turned off just reading the things you have to do to set the mood.
> 
> I admire your perseverance.


Thank you. 

Just to be clear, I don't have to do any of those things every time, or even most of the time - just often enough to make the wife feel needed, nurtured, and loved.

Just the other day, I came home after work and said that I had one of those high arousal days, when everything just seemed to lead me to think about sex. She said "we should probably do something about that", so we did. She's not a monster. I feel a little guilty when it comes out that way.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Wife lies on her stomach or back legs slightly spread on bed, 

You put one leg between hers while kneeling. Your leg is mostly vertical which allows you to put light to medium pressure on her perineum which has a LOT of nerves. 

Works well with or without panties on. 

While in that position your hands are free to pleasure her. Your wife is shy, so thigh contact may be easier for her than finger contact. 




Cletus said:


> I'm sorta running out of ideas.
> 
> My wife doesn't like to have any contact with her lady parts during sex except PIV, which she thoroughly enjoys. For about a million different reasons, I have been trying to figure out what possible foreplay options (specifically, foreplay that increases female sexual arousal) we have available to us given:
> 
> ...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

MEM11363 said:


> Wife lies on her stomach or back legs slightly spread on bed,
> 
> You put one leg between hers while kneeling. Your leg is mostly vertical which allows you to put light to medium pressure on her perineum which has a LOT of nerves.
> 
> ...


I love this!

Cletus, this also carries a very overt and direct eroticism to it and as such I'm thinking this may be a stumbling block to her... If so, don't give up, just wait until she has gotten closer to a 6-7 and maybe she'll be more open to it.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I love this!
> 
> Cletus, this also carries a very overt and direct eroticism to it and as such I'm thinking this may be a stumbling block to her... If so, don't give up, just wait until she has gotten closer to a 6-7 and maybe she'll be more open to it.


Oh, 1 bonus point for considering the eroticism level. 1 demerit for the pointer, so it's a wash this round. There's still time in Double Jeopardy!

There's no way to get to 6-7 to try this without passing 0-5, which requires PIV - at which point, pulling out, rolling her over, and convincing her that a thigh on the taint would be a Good Thing is a jailable offense.

I'll probably give this a shot, but she has a low tolerance for any sexual orientation that isn't face-to-face (remember that kissing reference from earlier?) She'll soldier through doggie a couple of times a year for my benefit, but the point of THIS exercise is to get her aroused, not me. 

As always, thanks for the input.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

C,
I get your 'challenge'. 

Do you ever lie on top during foreplay straddling one of her legs with your legs, your thigh against her V?

If so, at the pointer maximum arousal you just slide onto your knees - with the implied focus being on her breasts. You and she can both pretend that you are focused up top while she is only vaguely aware of your thigh gently pressing her taint. Maybe best with panties on for her, and/or right after a shower. 

I would like to say, one man to another that you are approaching this situation with your wife with a lot of compassion. 

And despite her narrow comfort zone in bed, your wife clearly loves you and wants to please you. 

I am on the opposite side of this table. My W has a bunch of narrow comfort zones outside the bedroom, but is up for just about anything in bed. BUT - her vulvodynia is bad enough that intercourse stopped well over a year ago and from what I can tell is over for good. 

If I could choose either 'nothing but intercourse' or 'nothing but bj's ', I would pick intercourse in a heartbeat. 






Cletus said:


> Oh, 1 bonus point for considering the eroticism level. 1 demerit for the pointer, so it's a wash this round. There's still time in Double Jeopardy!
> 
> There's no way to get to 6-7 to try this without passing 0-5, which requires PIV - at which point, pulling out, rolling her over, and convincing her that a thigh on the taint would be a Good Thing is a jailable offense.
> 
> ...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

But but but...you asked for pointers! No fair!

MEM, so sorry about your wife. That must be horrible! Has she seen a PT that specializes in women's health? If not, might be worth a try.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

Well, I love all of points 1-4 in your original post. Standard foreplay I would have thought. So sorry for your situation. I may have missed this, but has your wife suffered any childhood trauma?

The scented bath, massage, candles routine would put me off to be honest with you. You sound like a patient and caring man.

I was going to suggest grinding against her from behind fully clothed standing up - but I see she is averse to anything but face to face. Has she shared her sexual fantasies with you? What about 'dirty talk' - I love it, my husband gets me to do all the talking though 

What if she had to take the lead one night and turn you on with foreplay - would seeing your pleasure arouse her? What about taking an icecube and icing her nipples then blowing on them, licking them even, if she will allow that.

Erotic literature/ literotica website - plenty of arousing stories on there catering to a lot of different fantasies.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Some of this will depend upon when you define the start of foreplay. My wife will not feel fully into sex if there are things pressing on her mind, and those things can range from putting on a dinner for a big get together/throwing a party, kid problems or even some of the more mundane things like having the house cleaned up. The hottest sex I have with my wife normally is made possible by getting things accomplished around the house first - fixing something, cleaning, etc. 

When it's time to go for it, my wife will respond to erogeneous zones being stimulated. However, for our best sex it occurs primarily when we're laying in bed facing each other and making out furiously. My wife will go wild not only from french kissing, but those types of kisses where I'll gently grab her lower lip with both of mine (not sure what you call that) plus kissing around her. She loves when we are intertwined kissing all over each other, straddling my leg and grinding on my, having my hands roaming about her back, rubbing her butt, squeezing her butt and caressing the back of the hamstring and butt while we're intertwined. When she's into it, it sort of feels like you're becoming like a pretzel...LOL. 

Also, having our parts touch each other - especially when I can get my head to brush/rub her opening to allow my precum to wet her lips where she'll start getting really wet - AWESOME!

The real key to unlocking my wife's inner porn star is her breasts. She has sensitive breasts, but if she's in the mood these are the keys to unlocking her wild side. 

Also, I'll kiss her all over her body as well. Sometimes I can drive her wild if I work my way down kissing from her lips, neck, breasts, stomach to the pubic bone, etc... Sometimes, it's not the right approach. My wife is generally not much into oral either way. She likes to be touched more than given oral.


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