# Simple Question



## Needtodecide (Sep 19, 2015)

What is the avg/ expected amount of sex for a married couple? Curious to know what people think so I have a better idea. Thanks


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

More than none. Less than too much.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
It really is a tough question because it is not at all uniformly distributed. There are couples who have sex at least daily. There are some that essentially never do. 

Based on lots of discussions I would say that a few times a week is common. I would say that more than 1/day is uncommon and that less than 1/month is uncommon. 

There are many couples where one or both do not get the amount of sex that THEY would like and that leads to a great deal if unhappiness.


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## Needtodecide (Sep 19, 2015)

I am at least two yrs out, and counting. My MIL lives a depressed OCD life, and now my wife in her late 40s does the same, she has slide out of shape and we do literally nothing together. I workout a Lot, and my drive has not slowed at all. 

Fell I am a slow leaner, but this seems to be a deal killer.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Needtodecide said:


> I am at least two yrs out, and counting. My MIL lives a depressed OCD life, and now my wife in her late 40s does the same, she has slide out of shape and we do literally nothing together. I workout a Lot, and my drive has not slowed at all.
> 
> Fell I am a slow leaner, but this seems to be a deal killer.


sounds like your wife has some personal issues that counseling might help and the two of you seem to have relationship problems. The lack of intimacy is only one manifestation of those problems.

No doubt you can look up what the average frequency for sex is among married couples online and probably find that further defined by lots of variables. Applying that to your specific situation does little to nothing.

The bottom line, based on what you've shared, is that she has zero interest and you have medium to high interest. The frequency for sex for the rest of the world has little bearing on your situation.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

According to the Catholic Church, at least once a week is considered minimum expectations.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I divorced my ex largely because of a sexless marriage (that being about 10x a year or less). There were other issues as well, which you also seem to be experiencing.

Anyway, I moved on to a far better relationship in every way. The key thing is to be compatible in many ways, and one of the more important is sexually. By that, I mean in terms of frequency, quality, and range of activities. Some couples will be very satisfied with once a week, some with three times, and some may prefer once or twice a day. It's very individual, but if you match then it won't be a source of conflict or dissatisfaction. Of course, you need to maintain the relationship quality in other ways for the sex to remain good - you can't take each other for granted. Our frequency is probably well above average at 6 to 10x a week even after 15 years. Yes, we've slowed down over time.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> I divorced my ex largely because of a sexless marriage (that being about 10x a year or less). There were other issues as well, which you also seem to be experiencing.
> 
> Anyway, I moved on to a far better relationship in every way. The key thing is to be compatible in many ways, and one of the more important is sexually. By that, I mean in terms of frequency, quality, and range of activities. Some couples will be very satisfied with once a week, some with three times, and some may prefer once or twice a day. It's very individual, but if you match then it won't be a source of conflict or dissatisfaction. Of course, you need to maintain the relationship quality in other ways for the sex to remain good - you can't take each other for granted. Our frequency is probably well above average at 6 to 10x a week even after 15 years. Yes, we've slowed down over time.


DAMN! That's very impressive after 15 years.
I consider myself HD but would get worn out after all that.
We've been married 24 years and we average around twice a week.
Sometimes that's too much for me. I abstain from masturbation so that I am peaking with the wife.

For me, I prefer quality vs. quantity. Although I believe quantity goes down with age and quality goes up.

Anyway. Good for you!


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

Common thought is about 2-3 times per week. But everyone is different. There is a spectrum low, average, and high drive. Stress, fatigue, and lack of time can also play a role but hopefully for not too long.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Agreed with everything said here especially what Maneo said about the need for counseling etc.

As to the question?

I'd say anything from daily to once a week. Anything less than that (not due to health reasons) and most marriages would have at least one of the partners having a problem with not enough sex.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

It seems generally accepted that less than once a week is not enough, although there are many of those (me included) who would be lucky to get it that much.


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## Sarantonio (Sep 24, 2015)

Enough sex is when both parties feel satisfied. 

Simple enough.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Married 21 years. Sex happens 5-6 times per week.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Needtodecide said:


> What is the avg/ expected amount of sex for a married couple? Curious to know what people think so I have a better idea. Thanks



All depends on the hubby and wifee.

If both are HD, then sex almost every day and multiple times a day.

If both are LD, then maybe 1x month is okay and only once.

If one is HD and the other is LD, then a middle ground has to be met out of love and kept no matter what.

That means the HD comprises from sex every day to maybe 3x week and the LD compromises from sex 1x month to 3x week.

That's a 50/50 compromise. What I've experienced is at first Mrs.CuddleBug did the 3x week sex and then soon afterwards its back to 1x month and she is again clueless and sees nothing wrong with this. So the HD spouse is the one who does all the sexual compromising down to almost nothing. Not 50/50, more like 90/10.

Take care of your HD spouses needs, mainly men, and you'll have a very happy, faithful guy who will bend over backwards for his woman. Kill the sex to minimum and he won't do much for her but she'll still say, if you only did this or that more, I might be in the mood more.........we've all heard that a million times.:grin2:

When you get married, you are to take care of each others needs as your own. If you don't, stay single.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Agree with others that the right amount depends on individual needs.

That said, in judging whether you should settle for what you've got vs what may be available in the wider world, general frequency among married couples is relevant.

I think it is pretty reasonable to expect at least 2-3x per week in a healthy marriage.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Average frequency is not relevant to how much sex you should or will have within your current marriage. That depends on your desired frequency and your current spouse's desired frequency and how the negotiation ends up if those frequencies are far apart. Far apart desire is one of the more frequently encountered marital difficulties, and one of the major causes of divorce.

Average frequency IS relevant to the chances you can find someone else whose desired frequency is close to your own. If you desire sex 1x or 2x per week, a relatively high percentage of people desire a similar amount and you should not have to compromise much on the other characteristics you are looking for in order to find a partner who desires about the same amount of sex. If you want sex 1x per month or less, or 1x per day or more, a smaller percentage of the population is likely to have the same desire as you, so you are more likely to either have to compromise on other attributes or spend more time "hunting" to find someone who matches your level of desire.

But people are out there at just about any place on the spectrum, and you are well advised to wait to marry until you find someone whose level of desire roughly matches your own. No couple is perfectly matched in all areas. Pick something besides sex as the area where you have to agree to disagree. Anchovies on pizza. Where to vacation. Colonial or ranch. Almost anything besides sex is better to have as the one thing you simply cannot agree on.


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