# We HAD the TALK!!



## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

Ok so I confronted my husband this weekend. I couldn't bare to keep my feelings all bottled up from him any longer. My apologies for the LONG thread...

I started w the drugs. Asked if he ever did X since we've been together (8 years). He said no NEVER. I told him I found it in the laundry and he knew exactly which outing it was from (a party in July) and said it was his friends and he was holding it for him and did not take any. BULL****!! 1) I know for certain that he did it in April in Vegas b/c my best friends brother was with tem and told us they did it. 2) he sounded like a teenage child - it wasn't mine, I was holding it from someone...

Then I asked him if he gambles. He said that I knew he always dabbled in it but it' small wagering. I told him that I have found numerous betting sheets and newspaper clippings with all kinds of writing (+/-, $ amounts, #'s) and he said it's nothing major - it's him and two friends (one I know the other I did not recognize the name) that place weekly best and split the earnings - that he only makes a $100 or so here and there. I told him that I had his shets checked and that he's a pretty heavy gambler. I told him he has a problem and should admit to it and he just yea yea'd me - "yea, I have a problem, uh huh"...

Next I brought up the girls, the EA's. I asked him if he met anyone on a particular night that he kept telling me only his friends GF was out with her sister yet I know his friends GF's friends were out too (about 8 girls). I told him I knew he got one of thier numbers and asked why and he told me it was innocent she saw he had a blackberry and so did she so she wanted his BBM. I again asked for what reason he said I talked to her once. I asked if they ever hung out - he said no. When I mentioned I found her on FB and and found out she lives in FL so that's probably why - he says "she comes up to NY from time to time"

Brought up the teenager that worked for him - he said no way did he ever touch her she's a little girl and a virgin... I saw the texts where she asked if they were still on for hanging out the day I left for a girls weekend trip. When I came back I saw a text from her 3 days after this planned event asking my husband for advice b/c she had cheated on her BF of 1 month and didnt know if she should tell him/break up... (see other threads for details)

Brought up another girl - he had no clue who I was talking about. I told him I knew she went to his shop. Still played clueless. He started to get a little defensive.

He told me if I have all this STUFF on him then why am I with him. Mind you he was tucked into bed listening to me rant - remained calm. Did not become agitated nor did he tell me to F' off like he usually does.

I told him I straight out don't trust him that I never got over what he did to me 3 years ago.  I told him I started to see a tehrapist about 2 months ago. He kept saying he didn't do anything with her but I kept saying "sure, you hung out with her like 7 times, nothing went on"... continued to say he didn;t do anything. He admited to that situation and getting the girls BBM but denied everything else. I got in his face and said "of all the things I have confronted you with, I know for certain that you are lying to me about one thing (the X)" - he continued to deny it all. I said this 2 other times during our confrontation and told him to look me in the eye and rememeber that he's lying to me.

I asked him if he felt we had a weird relationship b/c we are awesome around family an friends but hardly say 2 words to each other when we are alone, out to dinner, in car, at home on couch. he agreed. Said it's borning. Also realizes we should be conversing more and we don't. He interacts w so many ppl day to day but never has anything to tell me, never asks me about my day.

I asked him if he thinks we should seperate he said I shouldn't go through life living on the edge. That I should be happy. I asked if he's rather he single he said he wasn't sure but he does miss his freedom and would be out every nigth if he wasn't married. When I heard that I felt like a light bulb went off, I told him I think I got the answer I needed b/c I would nto have expected an answer like that since he runs a business and has that resposibility. 

What's your take on this? I feel he was waiting for me to bring this up b/c he wants out but doesn't want to be the one to end it and would ratehr be teh victim (I told him this). 

Yesterday, he came home from work, I really didn't want to look at him. When our eyes did meet he made this stupid smirk he does whenever we have fought like he's laughing - like I wasn't seriosu about anything I said. I then asked him if he was ok and he said yea, I'm fine you? I started to tear a bit and I said not really he tells me I really don't want to get into this now we haev a party to go to. I stopped tearing and told him I believe what I do and we have problmes. I told him soem one his responses were liek talking to a teenager (as if I was his mother confronting him about soemthing). He said he understood why I felt that way. He then said he'd go to counsleing if I was really going - I told him it's for real, I have receipts (he thought I was kidding about therapy?!!). I asked him what he thinks we can achieve from going to therapy and he said he wasn't sure but that I should be happy. 

I realyl dont think it's worth working otu this relationship. I think we got married for the wrong reasons. I think we were both too young and want different things in life. I can't trust him and feel that he will only continue to lie to me and carry on the way he wants to. He had nerve to tell me I'm too easy with him yet I told him when we first met he made it clear he does what he wants and wants no one to ever control him. Anytime I'd object to something he did or wanted to do he'd blow up at me!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

And exactly HOW does he know that the teen is a virgin? Sounds like he is having SERIOUSLY INAPPROPRIATE talks with her.


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

I know! Among the other inappropriate things.

Sounds liek he wants out, no?


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## geo (Oct 29, 2010)

wow, that is one heck of a dirty laundry list...
glad you got it out though, you probably needed to get that out for your own sanity.


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

I sure did geo. I just can't stand living so suspiciously. I can't stand around being taken for a fool any longer. I am too good for that.


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## cayest (Feb 4, 2010)

It sounds like you ave considered all the factors. You guys are young, you don't have any children - my advice would be for you to cut your losses! I once stayed in a relationship for far too long because I never caught my boyfriend red-handed. I had all the circumstantial evidence in the world, but I felt like that wasn't enough (and he would also lie to me). In the end, my instincts should have been all I needed to walk away. He later confessed that he cheated throughout our relationship. Trust your instincts - your unhappiness, alone, is grounds for calling it quits.


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

thanks cayest - that's exactly how I feel and what I am afraid of - hanging in there and later finding out he lied about stuff or goes back to his ways. He did 2 things to me that I told him many times would hurt me and he just continued to do so w/ no regard: take me for a fool and taking advantage of my trust. This has been going on for far too long. I look back and out our entire 8 yr relationship into question. Guess I was blind or didn't want to believe it was happening to me...


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Anonny123 said:


> thanks cayest - that's exactly how I feel and what I am afraid of - hanging in there and later finding out he lied about stuff or goes back to his ways. He did 2 things to me that I told him many times would hurt me and he just continued to do so w/ no regard: take me for a fool and taking advantage of my trust. This has been going on for far too long. I look back and out our entire 8 yr relationship into question. *Guess I was blind or didn't want to believe it was happening to me..*.


No need to feel bad about that, at least you had the sense about you to do what you know you should.

I've been hanging around like a sad broken little girl clinging to every hope that something is going to change.

Kudos to you!


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

Thanks CL. I reached a point where I am realizing I deserve better. My feelings for him have also changed as a resukt of this and that is why I don't think I can stick around any longer. I know he's willing to change and he's making efforts but I think my love and respect for him died out a while ago. I should be happy that he's seeking therapy now but I feel indifferent...


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