# Hub cheated and had a child. What to do now?



## 6kids&donecounting (Mar 22, 2012)

I just found out my Hub had an affair that apparently started as emotional but ended up physical. He says It was only the one time but she ended up pregnant and waited 3 years to tell him and thats when he told me everything.

I feel so lied to and as though I can't even trust the fact that he said it was only once (well just one night but twice that night) because if it wasn't for the child he wouldn't have told me at all. He's also a musician so he spends alot of late nights in the studio and I'm questioning all those times when he didn't come till morning. So now I'm like :scratchhead: What to do now? Is it worse that there's a child or is it just as bad either way? We've been togeather for 9 years and have 6 children togeather, is this enough to destroy our family? We have other problems but they can be fixed, but this is something I will be constantly reminded about because the fact is that there is now a person that will be is our lives forever.

Lost & confused


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Sorry.

Read the newbies link.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Has a paternity test been done on the OC (other child)? If not, he needs to get that taken care of or he's going to be subjected to having his wages garnished to meet the child support obligations, if any.

Now as far as the affair is concerned, please take some time to do some serious soul searching to determine whether or not you are capable of giving him another chance. Is his affair a deal breaker for you? There are some people who can and some who can't continue with the marriage after an affair and none is better than the other. But no matter what you decide (reconciliation or divorce), please seek some counseling with a trained professional with experience is helping victims of infidelity.


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## 6kids&donecounting (Mar 22, 2012)

He hasn't done the test yet but he has strong genes and he says she looks like one of our other children.


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## thrway214 (Feb 24, 2012)

sorry you are here. 

you will find a lot of good advice and knowledge on this site. just know that you cannot and should not do much in the early days. do not make any decisions when emotions are running high. take the time to process and express these emotions. let them subside a bit before you ask yourself serious questions about how to proceed. 

your primary goal right now should be to take care of yourself.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

thrway214 said:


> *your primary goal right now should be to take care of yourself.*


I agree 100%. Your well being is paramount not just for your sake but for your children's sake as well. This forum is great for offering betrayed spouses much needed emotional support but can't take the place of a professional counselor or therapist trained in dealing with marital infidelity who can help you heal from the traumatic ordeal.


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## 6kids&donecounting (Mar 22, 2012)

Thanks alot, I have a session scheduled next week but I just wanted to see if I could get some outside perspective on the situation before then. My mind is reeling........:banghead:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

What is your WH doing to be worthy of another chance? Has he committed to being totally transparent and being accountable for his whereabouts? These two are essential if you choose to give reconciliation a chance.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

I wish I could offer more suggestions. I could not.

The guy is married to you and has 6 kids with you. He has an affair and has a baby with another woman. He would not have revealed it to you had it been not necessary!

3 years big time.

Get yourself counseling. Stay strong.

It will take a lot of time for you to come out of shock, pain.

Sorry once again. TAM is there for you.


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

Hey, so sorry for you to be going through this! Too bad your H didn't tell you right after it happened. Hope you have a good support system to help you though the next few days. 

Even if the child looks like him, he needs a test--esp. if he is to pay support. 

Good luck to you and I hope you can work it out.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Maury T.V. show) and a DNA test. It is funny (I am not trying to make light of the situation) but the point is that the mother says the baby looks like the person who she says is the daddy.

Maury DNA Paternity ("That test is wrong Maury!!!") - YouTube

Get a DNA test. Only way to tell.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Seek immediate legal help regarding your state's child support laws. If she files first against him, she may be "first in line" for his paycheck even though you're his wife.


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## 6kids&donecounting (Mar 22, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> Maury T.V. show) and a DNA test. It is funny (I am not trying to make light of the situation) but the point is that the mother says the baby looks like the person who she says is the daddy.
> 
> 
> 
> Get a DNA test. Only way to tell.


Yeah a littlt humor towards a bad situation helps. But getting a test is #1 on my list of thing he has to do to even consider reconciliation.


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## 6kids&donecounting (Mar 22, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> I wish I could offer more suggestions. I could not.
> 
> The guy is married to you and has 6 kids with you. He has an affair and has a baby with another woman. He would not have revealed it to you had it been not necessary!
> 
> I especially find it hurtful that he would not have said anything had the OW came forward with the child. I feel like how can I trust anything he says. I have no idea if he's being truthful about if he had any other incendents although he say no.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

What you are now facing is having the other child, and his lover in your life for the next 15 yrs--(You said child is 3 yrs old, right?)

Can you handle having your H, split up like that----that is if he does his duty by his lover's child.

He is gonna have to see her, and talk to her, as is probably already happening------you don't really want your H., to waste needed family finances, with atty's should he try to avoid his support duty

You may just wanna think hard about the future---specially if your H., has cheated with others, as in his coming home early in the mornings

Real question is how do you handle 6 kids, if you decide to leave, or do you stay in a bad mge., cuz you can't leave---I sure as he*l wouldn't make any more babies if I were you---JMHO.


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## 6kids&donecounting (Mar 22, 2012)

jnj express said:


> What you are now facing is having the other child, and his lover in your life for the next 15 yrs--(You said child is 3 yrs old, right?)
> 
> Can you handle having your H, split up like that----that is if he does his duty by his lover's child.
> 
> ...


That has been one of the main things on my mind and 15 yrs is only the minimum of course he'll have to have contact with them for the rest of her (oc) and her life. I don't want him to have any contact with the OW, the child is innocent in this and didn't ask for this so I would not have him neglect her at all, but I know the OW being in our lives also is unavoidable. He has told me that he is going to do his duties, that should avoid any of the legal issues. But we have alot of things like that to sort as still as this is all still fresh. He says he has not been with anyone else besides this woman, I'm still not sure what think about that my trust level right now is way below sea level.

I have been thinking about what I would do if I left alot, how I would handle 6 kids by myself and things of that nature and honestly I feel like I'm stuck. Sometimes I feel like I'll never find anyone willing to deal with my baggage and that I'll be alone for the rest of my life. Also financially I would be in a bad place also because his check now split 7 ways (well 8 with alimony) would'nt help anyone. I'm still very torn as far as that goes but I don't think that my feelings above are really what would keep me with him if I were to stay I think it would be that I truly am still in love with him and regardless of how disgusted I feel towards him now all I want is for him to hod me and tell me evrything will be ok .


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You want your H---who treats you like you are nothing---who obviously thot more of having sex with his lover, in preferance to you, and his own flesh and blood kids---who totally disses you---you want him to hold you and love you

You know what, he knew what he was doing---he knew there would be no consequences, he knew you would do nothing, more than grovel!!!!!

Do you have one ounce of any kind of respect for yourself---If not, well enjoy your life with your cheating H, enjoy his conversations and time he will spend with his lover/X-lover whatever she is these days

You may never find a man to take you with your 6 kids---but you can still go on, in life, and you do have friends, and family that will help---yes you would have a hard life ahead of you---but at least you would be able to look at yourself in the mirror.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Others have said it well.

First thing is to take care of yourself, and kids.

Prayers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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