# my husband hates my children



## DaytonaNative

I have been with my husband for 6 years. I have a grown daughter who is married and expecting a baby and my other daughter is 9 and lives in my home with us. My husband doesnt care for my son in law (he feels his job is not worthy of his respect -SIL works as a host at a restaurant), but my son in law takes care of himself and my daughter and able to pay his bills and does not ask us for money. He has two sons, one grown and lives overseas while the other son, I had to help take care of since he was 15 and came to live with us, until he grew up and moved away. 
If i ever say anything about my daughter and son in law, its met with all kinds of put downs about them and how much of a loser my SIL is. I had to remove my hubby from my facebook page because if i ever posted a photo or anything, he would write unkind things about them on my page. My 9 year old daughter and he, have no relationship, he shows her no love and only addresses her when he has an issue with her. The other day, my 9 yr old told me that she wanted to kill herself and it devastated me. I feel that the lack of love on his part and the turmoil between him and i over my kids affects her. He wants me to love and accept his children but he staunchly refuses to accept or care for mine. It is tearing me apart as I feel my children are a big part of my life and I cannot even share anything about them or talk about them with him. I feel they have never done anything to him to deserve his mean behavior and his son did hurt me many times but I always found it in my heart to love, forgive and accept him even when he was not kind to me. I am at a loss and I feel like this is the beginning of the end of our marriage. Is it possible to have a marriage where you never share anything about your children with your spouse? Its bad that my younger daughter lives with us and has to endure his negativity, he curses a lot and is very racist and never has hardly anything nice to say about anything. I am beginning to wonder why I ever fell in love with this man. He can be very charming but if i had seen this side of him, I would have turned tail and run before we ever really got mixed up with one another.


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## greeneyeddolphin

Your 9 yr old wants to kill herself and you're confused about what to do? 

Your children are not just a big part of your life, they should be pretty much the most important thing in your life. 

He is constantly putting them down, he's got your 9 yr old thinking death would be better than living with him, you feel like you have love his kids but he makes no attempt to do the same for you. What exactly is there to love about him? I'm not trying to be mean, I really want to understand exactly what it is that you love about him. 

I would never be with someone who couldn't accept my children. I'm very fortunate in that not only does my boyfriend accept my children, but he loves them as though they were his. I fall even more in love with him when I see him interact with them. If he treated them the way your husband is treating your kids, we'd have been through a long time ago. 

I could never be married to someone that I could never talk about my children with. I couldn't be married to someone that I couldn't feel comfortable sharing anything and everything with. If you can't talk to him, what's the point of being with him? Just seems pointless to me.


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## 4sure

Take your daughter to counselling NOW. Her well-being, and the need to feel safe is your responsibility. 

He is hateful, so he projects his hate unto others. It's none of his business what his SIL chooses to do for a living. I wouldn't give a rats butt about him. Your 9yo needs help. Do not allow her to suffer, do not lie to yourself and say it can't be that bad. YES IT IS.

You've seen the ugly side of him. it's not to late to turn tail and run.


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## Orion

atruckersgirl said:


> Your 9 yr old wants to kill herself and you're confused about what to do?
> 
> Your children are not just a big part of your life, they should be pretty much the most important thing in your life.
> 
> He is constantly putting them down, he's got your 9 yr old thinking death would be better than living with him, you feel like you have love his kids but he makes no attempt to do the same for you. What exactly is there to love about him? I'm not trying to be mean, I really want to understand exactly what it is that you love about him.
> 
> I would never be with someone who couldn't accept my children. I'm very fortunate in that not only does my boyfriend accept my children, but he loves them as though they were his. I fall even more in love with him when I see him interact with them. If he treated them the way your husband is treating your kids, we'd have been through a long time ago.
> 
> I could never be married to someone that I could never talk about my children with. I couldn't be married to someone that I couldn't feel comfortable sharing anything and everything with. If you can't talk to him, what's the point of being with him? Just seems pointless to me.


:iagree: with everything above. DaytonaNative, when I read your post my two thoughts were 1) Why are you even hesitating to act since your daughter is being driven to suicide and 2) Is there ANYTHING redeeming about your hubby?

My feeling is that you are hesitating because you might not want to be alone. What you have in your husband is a dime-a-dozen. You can find a mean, racist, negative guy anywhere. You need to realize that you and your daughter deserve SOOO much better than this. Good luck.


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## disbelief

No matter how or why your situation is at this point ensure your daughters well being first. Typically a nine year old will not be out to kill themselves if she is saying it though it can be a cry for help. I do not know your life situation. Many kids say it end up in counseling and learn why they cant say it but either way make sure she is good. Someone who is really going to commit suicide will have a plan. 
So take care of your daughter and you and then if you want to save your marriage that will take a good amount of counseling. Good luck.


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## major misfit

Ok..ATruckersgirl said exactly what needed to be said. She speaks the truth. 

What is it going to take for you to realize that you need to get your child and yourself away from this man? He is going to keep hammering and hammering away at her until she's lost to you. You CAN lose your kids in many, many ways. You're going to have to trust me on that one. 

You are a package deal. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I have a 10yo son..and my SO is not his biological father. He has co-parented this child with me. He calls him his son, and believes it with all his heart. This is the only kind of man that should be acceptable to you. If my SO were to treat my son in the ways you've described here, I can state emphatically and with full confidence that he would be history. No second guessing that one. Your child comes first. FIRST. 

You can't have a life with someone and not talk about your children. Not possible. Honestly, your husband sounds like a mean, nasty, bitter man who would be better off alone. He's not fit for anyone as he is now. Maybe he can be charming..so what? Ted Bundy was charming, and look at what he did. You really need to leave this man, and not look back. There are waaay better men than this out there in the world.


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## turnera

I would NEVER stay with a man who treated my daughter that way, and who created such unhappiness in her. Even if he was her bio dad. Kids cannot protect themselves. It's your responsibility to do so; choosing to stay with a man, for whatever your reason is, while he treats your family this way is ... well, I just can't imagine it.

fwiw, the WAY he treats your children is a big fat red flag on his true personality.


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## turnera

btw, what you are describing is probably an abusive relationship. If you need any more convincing, read some of Patricia Evans' books.


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