# Divorce or give another chance?



## DeeDee41 (Mar 21, 2013)

Hello all,

I am new here and have been seperated now since last June. I met my husband about 5 yrs ago on a dating website. He seemed like the perfect guy, a devout Christian, generous, considerate, honoring, trustworthy, and non judgmental. After 3 yrs being in an exclusive relationship I got pregnant and we got married. During those 3 yrs. we broke up several times. I had found he was addicted to viewing pornography and this really bothered me. He also had done other things like find old flames on FB to reconnect and lots of flirting on line with them. We stayed together and I get preganant at 40 yrs old and we get married. I move in and the same problems continue, constant viewing of pornography on his phone and computer and on top of this I had to deal with his 16 yr old son that was terribly disrespectful to me. One would think that your spouse would correct their children if their rude to their significante other, this was not the case. Over and over I was treated like garbage by this teenager with no consequnce for his behavior. At 5-6 months pregnant I found he contacted an attractive escort by calling her from his phone and she reponded back by text asking if he was ready for a good time. He responded back saying the womens name with a question mark and saying yes. When I confront him with this he said it was for a bachlor party he wanted to plan for his 40 something yr old friend that was getting married. I find this disgusting! After our son is born things are good for a short time, but then he goes on Adderol and becomes a golf fanantic. Golfing 3-4 times a week and sometimes lying saying he was working when in fact he was golfing. I had enough one night after I caught him in another lie and just blew my lid. It got very ugly and I left. I have not returned and have gotten my own apartment. Now months later we are still talking. I am so confused. He makes promises of changing, to be a better husband and this makes me hopeful and consider going back. He also expects change in me, that I control my anger when I get upset. It's hard to do this when he is such a repeat offender. My parents and siblings can't stand him because of everything I have told them, things he has done. I don't know what I am doing. Do I give this man another chance or do I just move on? We both fight so much. He frustrates me and I him. I need an outsiders opinion. 

Thank you in advance for your time reading this,
Dee


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

It sounds like he has already had a number of chances. You broke up a few times. In addition, liars will not stop lying. His addictions/obsessions bother you, and his values (escort) differ from yours. What would you tell a good friend in the same situation?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Which fears tell you not stay?? Afraid to be alone?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DeeDee41 (Mar 21, 2013)

Not to stay because I am tired of fighting and afraid of the same things continuing to happen and wasting more time. Afraid to go back in fear of what my parents will say. 

Afraid to go because I don't want to be alone yes, but I am was also a stay at home mom so really can not afford to be on my own. I have a job now, but it is temporary and when it's done I don't what I will do. He has already said if we divorce I get nothing and since we have only been married such a short time I am entitled to nothing.


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## Love2326 (Oct 31, 2012)

Oh Wow. Dee, I'm sorry you're here. Don't be afraid of divorcing him because of what ANYONE will say. Do whatever you feel is best for YOU. It's time you think about YOU. He certainly made himself a priority in the marriage, so why can't you? 

Also, I will be so bold as to say: don't be afraid of divorcing him because of money. I am a divorce lawyer. You had the child when you were married, you didn't work because you had to take care of the child, you are now a full-time mother and he has been supporting you. You will get child support and will probably get alimony. I don't know what state you're in (it depends on the laws of your state), but he is trying to scare you. Don't let him. You have to know what your rights are. Don't believe that you will get nothing just because he TELLS you that! It's a scare tactic. 

See a lawyer, talk to people, find out your rights.


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## DeeDee41 (Mar 21, 2013)

I don't mind saying I live in Fl. He already owned his home before we met. He says that because his home is a homestead I have no rights to it and because we haven't been married for 6-7 yrs I wouldn't be entitled to anything. He says you have to be married over 6 yrs to get alimony. I have no money to retain a lawyer to see if this is true and feel helpless. He also wants joint custody and says in that case he wouldn't be responsible to pay me child support since it's 50/50. He owns his own business so only claims what he likes as far as what he makes. He's a liar and a fraud. I know he makes more than he claims, but because it's his own business he just says this is what he made and it is very little. With me now working it actually would be I show making more than him.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How did you support yourself before you got married?

C


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## DeeDee41 (Mar 21, 2013)

I had worked on and off as a catastrophe adjuster. When we got married I was called on assignements, but they were out of state and he did not like that so I stopped working and told the comp I worked with that I no longer would be taking on any assignments.


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## Love2326 (Oct 31, 2012)

He doens't know what he's talking about. He's probably referring to "permanent" alimony in FL. But I'm talking about temporary alimony. He's wrong. You can probably get something and maybe even stay on his medical insurance for a short period of time. Here's the statute: 

Statutes & Constitution :View Statutes : Online Sunshine

Also, I dont know about FL, but in my state, you may be able to have him reimburse you for your attorney's fees if you show that you can't afford your own. Some lawyers will be willing to do your case on the basis that they will be paid their fees from him at the end of the case. 

Go to legal aid. Go to a low income free legal service. See if they can assign you a "pro bono" attorney who will volunteer their time to help you for free. Also, many solo lawyers will consult with your for free (I do that). It can't hurt to call some lawyers. Firms will charge you a lot, but try a solo practitioner or a small partner law firm. Do it. Protect yourself. It's your turn now. Don't be bullied.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

DeeDee41 said:


> I don't mind saying I live in Fl. He already owned his home before we met. He says that because his home is a homestead I have no rights to it and because we haven't been married for 6-7 yrs I wouldn't be entitled to anything. He says you have to be married over 6 yrs to get alimony. I have no money to retain a lawyer to see if this is true and feel helpless. He also wants joint custody and says in that case he wouldn't be responsible to pay me child support since it's 50/50. He owns his own business so only claims what he likes as far as what he makes. He's a liar and a fraud. I know he makes more than he claims, but because it's his own business he just says this is what he made and it is very little. With me now working it actually would be I show making more than him.


If you divorce, wait until it's final and then turn him in to the IRS. 

I can't stand tax cheats. Especially if they then turn around and vote liberal.


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## Pops001 (Feb 10, 2013)

Love2326 is correct you absolutely need professional legal counsel and there are services out there that will help you. You know he's a repeat lair yet you speak as if he's being honest about legalities, I'm fairly confident he's lying about that too.
I think it would be wise not going back with him until you talk to a lawyer and pulling yourself together, your going through a lot right now. Also I would strongly suggest individual counseling that is free in your area. Talk to your Dr. he/she can point you in the right direction. You're angry, hurt, confused, scared and have a young baby. Counseling will help guide you in a way of feeling confident in making your difficult decisions and confident in yourself. I believe you need more than this site.....there's a baby involved.


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