# 7 year itch?



## L'sMom (Dec 31, 2010)

Hi!
My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years, together for 8. Here's just a brief overview of what happened. After being married a year and a half he joined the Navy and was in it for 4 years. He was deployed 4 times, ranging from 4-7 months. We have a son who will be turning 4 shortly. After leaving the Navy he was unemployed for a little over a year, got hired to do his dream job, which unfortunately took him away from home once again. He left at the end of July and has been home a total of two weeks, not at a time. He finally came home for Christmas and will be here for another week before he gets send somewhere else. 
When he started a new assignment at the beginning of November, I noticed changes in him, he didn't call as often, said he was just busy and fell into bed right after work. I didn't want to be pushy so I left him alone, which was probably a mistake. I went to Germany for a little over a week and then we had a rough Thanksgiving when he came home for a whole 48 hours. A couple of weeks later he talked about going to snowboard but never told me, hey, I'm going. So he left and forgot his phone. He doesn't know my number by heart because it is saved in his phone. Excuse? Maybe. I was worried sick, called the place he was staying at through work and had them check on his room and car. Room empty, car gone. I am the kind of person who always envisions the worst possible scenario so I was freaking out and finally looked up his phone records and called the last person he contacted. Turns out it's a female coworker. She was nice, told me she'd look out for him.
When he finally called, I lost it, of course, with all these emotions built up. He got mad that I called someone at his work, told me he was "just a busy guy" and that made me angry because he has a family that cares about him and he doesn't seem to care. He told me to stop stalking him! I left him alone, since he didn't want to talk to me, he texted me the next day that he'd been thinking and we should separate. I don't want to, of course.
After some naughty investigations I found out him and the coworker had started texting the day I left for Germany and had been texting quite frequently, she heard more from him than me or his son. There were phonecalls, too, long ones, including an hour when he was here, the day after Christmas. 
When he finally came home it took him 3 days to finally bring things up and that he still loved me but was unhappy with himself. I felt like I had to let him go, I got emotional, now I read I shouldn't have done that. Oh well. We didn't come up with any terms, he was super nice, fixing my shoes and actually letting me know when he got somewhere save. He's staying out at our trailor at his mom's now. She's not there with him.
Yesterday he came by to do laundry and he said thanks for letting me do the laundry, I thought that was silly, it's still his place. I tried to talk to him to find out what his expectations are from me and from the separation but I didn't get a clear answer, except for that he's not divorcing me yet because he wants me to find someone else first. Makes NO sense to me! Why would I stay married until I find someone? Makes me feel bad that he thinks he needs to hold onto me like that before someone else can take over. I think I can be quite independent, but I did rely on him for support, which I don't think is wrong to expect from your husband. Anyways, after talking to his friend, who's been helping me not go crazy, I found out him and the coworker actually made a plan to hook me up with that said friend! What the heck is going on? It used to be that my husband got mad when his friends looked at me, now he tells them, go have sex with my wife, you'd make her happy??? I don't know what to think. I don't know who to be mad at. Of course, I am thinking she is putting stuff in his head, and he can be quite the story teller, so when he tells her things about me, she won't get the right picture, cause he's mad at me anyways...Will a separation help? I am getting so upset with him, I'd love to not have him around, but there have to be rules, especially since he is still the father of our child. I also don't think that sleeping with others during separation is acceptable. I think maybe he just doesn't want to use the term "leave" so he's not the bad guy? Separation sounds like it's mutual, but it's really not.
Anyways, I guess there are not that many questions and this is long. Any input is appreciated


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## akcroy (Dec 23, 2010)

Sorry to hear of your situation. I'll be frank and keep it short - seems like there's a lot of drama being dragged into all this by your husband and his female coworker. By waiting for you to move on before he does, your husband is showing signs that he cares about your well-being, although not enough to prevent him from having an affair behind your back. However, in any case makes no sense at all that he's trying to hook you up with his friend who apparently is trying to help you out... (are you sure this is true, that he's trying to get other men to have sex with you in an effort to make you happy?) 

My advice: stand your ground - firmly - and proceed towards a divorce. Whether or not you're going to engage in a sexual or emotional relationship with someone other than your spouse during separation is your choice to make. But don't expect your husband to act/feel the same.

Hope this helps. All the best.


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## marriedyoung (Dec 23, 2010)

It could also be that he's hoping if you have someone else he won't feel as guilty about having cheated on you.


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