# The HD - LD dynamic at its best



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

In a sex starved marriage, the entire point - beginning - middle and end is this: Your "spouse" is not prioritizing YOUR needs. 

In a healthy marriage - your priorities are by default your partners priorities. Clearly you do lots of stuff because you want to. And very often you "want to" because it makes your partner feel loved. Totally healthy. 

Let me describe a different dynamic. I am the HD partner married to an LD partner. MOST of the sex in our marriage is driven by "my" lust and "her" desire to be a great partner. Of course I have learned how to touch her in a way that slowly gets her in the mood. Because she rarely starts out in the mood. But she "taught" me how to do that because she wants ME to be happy and feel loved. 

And with that dynamic in place the way this works is:
- I can read her really well. When she is tired, sad, anxious or just "off" I make it clear that "sex" is off the table and then go the extra mile to make her feel loved/good. Sometimes that is a massage/back scratch. Others just spooning watching tv.
- When we argue about sex it is most often from each others point of view:
W - What kind of night do you want tonight?
Me - (Realizing that guilt is warring with fatique within her) Lets watch tv and spoon. 
W - It has been months (this is her humor - it never gets past 7 days - and rarely past 5)
Me - I am just exhausted "faux yawn" (me completely extracting the guilt from her) - how about tomorrow darling?

At this point "most" of the time she just says "God I love you". But if she says in a sharp voice "Get undressed" - then all talking stops and we play. 

That said - she fully understands that "in general" sex is not an optional part of marriage. And every once in a while when her drive is especially low, she feels resentful about my higher drive. But that is the "2 percent" the other 98 percent is very positive for both of us.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

MEM11363 said:


> In a sex starved marriage, the entire point - beginning - middle and end is this: Your "spouse" is not prioritizing YOUR needs.
> 
> In a healthy marriage - your priorities are by default your partners priorities. Clearly you do lots of stuff because you want to. And very often you "want to" because it makes your partner feel loved. Totally healthy.
> 
> ...



Keep dropping gems Mem. Your posts are always good reminders as a married man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Thank you Blue. 




Blue Moon said:


> Keep dropping gems Mem. Your posts are always good reminders as a married man.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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