# Miserable :-(



## Hygienist (Sep 15, 2015)

I'll try to be brief. Been married for 19 years, together for 26. My husband has BipolarII Disorder, but is pretty controlled now. We've been through hell and back with his illness. I love him dearly, but I'm not "in love" with him anymore. We have sex maybe 5x a year. We don't really talk much anymore. We've grown apart so much that we don't seem to enjoy much of the same things anymore. I love to socialize and travel, he's somewhat of a social phobic. He doesn't make much money with his work, because he can't hold down a real job. We have no children because of his disorder (our choice), but now I regret it. I wish I had a family and a man who adores me. I'm generally a cheerful person and people say they like to be around me. I'm lost.


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

Can you share some more psych history regarding your husband


When was he diagnosed?

Any past psychiatric hospitalizations? And if so, how long ago?

What behavioral, mood or thought troubles needed to be controlled and now are controlled?

And what psychotropic medications does he take if any?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

My brother is bipolar and has five kids. They overwhelm him so much with their drama (in both the good ways and bad) that he does not have time to be the center of attention with crazy behavior and get rich quick schemes. Overall a big family kind of keeps him stabilized and down to earth. 

His bipolar episodes now come across as overprotective tempter tantrums at grandparents on both sides on how they need to behave better around his kids! He does have a point because my mom does not make them wear seatbelts or use car seats because she grew up in an era when nobody cared. When he sees his five-year old being dropped off without a car seat, my brother goes fu¢king apesh!t and cusses them out!!!! Provides family drama for us all to chuckle about!

If you are not too old for kids, it could be a topic of discussion. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hygienist said:


> I'll try to be brief. Been married for 19 years, together for 26. My husband has BipolarII Disorder, but is pretty controlled now. We've been through hell and back with his illness. I love him dearly, but I'm not "in love" with him anymore. We have sex maybe 5x a year. We don't really talk much anymore. We've grown apart so much that we don't seem to enjoy much of the same things anymore. I love to socialize and travel, he's somewhat of a social phobic. He doesn't make much money with his work, because he can't hold down a real job. We have no children because of his disorder (our choice), but now I regret it. I wish I had a family and a man who adores me. I'm generally a cheerful person and people say they like to be around me. I'm lost.



You've arranged your life around your husband and his illness. You've been his caregiver. You've not even been his lover, though you don't mention why sex is so rare. Now you're taking a look around you and wondered what you've done to your life? Where did it go? 

So now you're going to enter a stage in which you will become selfish rather than selfless. That's a normal reaction too. You're hitting a mid life crisis in which you second guess every life changing decision you've ever made and all the decisions you made that were based on being a good wife, being a good and selfless giving woman will be scrutinized.

Please make an appointment with a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. You don't have a mental illness but you do need help in wading through the feelings a mid life crisis will crash upon you.

It's possible to recapture the love you once had for your husband, but only if you really want to do that.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Anon Pink hit it on the head. However, if you go through the process of questioning what you want and decide starting over is the direction you want life to take, it might be too late to have children of your own although there are older men who held off and would like to adopt and there are certainly men out there who have grown children who can be a part of your life, especially once grandchildren come into the picture.

But I think Step 1 is to figure out if this is a temporary feeling, if you can reconcile those feelings and remain in your current relationship and still grow as a person, or if you have to pitch in the towel and start over.


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