# Lost and confused



## Meela (Sep 20, 2021)

Lost and confused but not sure how. My ex left and returned with divorce papers. Which made me wonder if he ever cared for me in the first place. Immediately after the divorce he remarried. And to make a long story short she recently passed away. After he knew that I knew he asked me out for drinks. Not sure why, I invited him to see my new home he excepted but did not come. He is not allowing the kids to see me unless he says and today his mother called. On one end I am wondering if this is a game but on the other I am just hoping that we can come to a mutual ground of parenting and work together. And since we were together over 10 years I still love him but know that the relationship is beyond damage and he has moved on. What do I do? What am I missing?


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Honestly he doesn't sound like anyone you should want back. He's probably just feeling sorry for himself. If you want to work out something with the kids you get an attorney as long as they're also your kids.


----------



## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Meela said:


> He is not allowing the kids to see me unless he says


How did he get 100% custody?
Normally the woman needs to be criminal or a druggie to lose custody.


----------



## Meela (Sep 20, 2021)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> How did he get 100% custody?
> Normally the woman needs to be criminal or a druggie to lose custody.


He did not, we had an order which was apart of the divorce and due to covid he is not allowing me to see them. So I really haven’t seen my kids since covid started. I have gone to the police and to the courts and nothing has happened nor changed. This is what I mean when I say this is like a game. I feel like in this situation since he initiated the divorce it is and has been all about what he wants. I had tried to initiate the divorce prior to it and he would not allow us to be apart by giving me room to breathe and think. He would follow me or come by my moms house the next day and say we need to talk the kids etc.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

What does the lawyer say about you not being able the see the children? How much do you normally have them for?


----------



## Meela (Sep 20, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Honestly he doesn't sound like anyone you should want back. He's probably just feeling sorry for himself. If you want to work out something with the kids you get an attorney as long as they're also your kids.


The lawyer said file papers, which also seems like another game because he is getting what he wants and I am pushing papers and my kids only see what they see. I went to my son’s school and finally got the secretary to call him to the office he would not stop hugging me. I wanted to cry in front of everyone because I knew I would not see him again for a while. I had them every other week which was court ordered based on what he wrote in the divorce. It was difficult he moved 40 mins away and I was helping take care of my mom who was sick and has since passed away and working overnight. We are suppose to go to court in a couple of months. I think he is going to get everything he wants. One of my biggest fears is that my kids are going to look back on this and say what I didn’t do and how they had to deal with this or bring up anything from now that I can’t change or help. The legal system seems rigged.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Meela said:



What am I missing?

Click to expand...

*Your pride and dignity, for starters.

And this whole "I haven't seen my kids since before Covid started" doesn't pass the sniff test. Covid "started" around February 2020 or so. That was a year and a half ago. You have every excuse in the book for why you haven't seen your kids, starting with, "HE dictated this and HE dictated that in the divorce papers" as though you're some kind of helpless victim. You live in the US, not some country where they respect cows more than they do women (at least we haven't been bungled in that direction...yet).

I'm thinking you need to get your **** together. You're talking about some lying cheating POS who YOU claim has held your kids back from you since Covid began and you're talking about how you "love" him?????? He's screwed you over with your own kids for a year and a half and here you are, 'loving' this worthless ass-hole?

The legal system may be "rigged" as you claim, but I find it hard to believe that this guy lives 40 minutes away and you haven't been able to see your kids in a year and a half, and NO courts or family service offices will help. Nope, don't believe it.

Your biggest problem is you need to get your **** together and stop 'loving' some vile POS from afar who hasn't shown you an OUNCE of respect or care in years. Litereally YEARS.

Find your dignity and find your self-respect. And get your **** together.


----------



## Meela (Sep 20, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Your pride and dignity, for starters.
> 
> And this whole "I haven't seen my kids since before Covid started" doesn't pass the sniff test. Covid "started" around February 2020 or so. That was a year and a half ago. You have every excuse in the book for why you haven't seen your kids, starting with, "HE dictated this and HE dictated that in the divorce papers" as though you're some kind of helpless victim. You live in the US, not some country where they respect cows more than they do women (at least we haven't been bungled in that direction...yet).
> 
> ...


Whether you believe it or not what I am saying is true. I have gone to his home, I have gone to the police, I have solicited the courts on a number of occasions. Just because you are a butt does not mean you have the right to notate a post in any manner. You must be a miserable hag who has to name herself “she still got it” so she can believe it. I am not here to bash nor to be bashed. The way I feel is the way I feel. I never said I was in love with him, could not live without him. I was honest with what I posted. Did you find your situation in what I wrote? Did it bring back some kind of memory that caused you to lash out like a child or are you a child?


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Meela said:


> The lawyer said file papers, which also seems like another game because he is getting what he wants and I am pushing papers and my kids only see what they see. I went to my son’s school and finally got the secretary to call him to the office he would not stop hugging me. I wanted to cry in front of everyone because I knew I would not see him again for a while. I had them every other week which was court ordered based on what he wrote in the divorce. It was difficult he moved 40 mins away and I was helping take care of my mom who was sick and has since passed away and working overnight. We are suppose to go to court in a couple of months. I think he is going to get everything he wants. One of my biggest fears is that my kids are going to look back on this and say what I didn’t do and how they had to deal with this or bring up anything from now that I can’t change or help. The legal system seems rigged.


He's not going to get everything he wants if you get an attorney unless there is some reason you are unable to be reliable such as addiction or alcoholism. You need to step up and file papers and not rely on whatever attorney he has hired to determine your fate and the fate of your children.


----------



## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Meela said:


> Lost and confused but not sure how. My ex left and returned with divorce papers. Which made me wonder if he ever cared for me in the first place. Immediately after the divorce he remarried. And to make a long story short she recently passed away. After he knew that I knew he asked me out for drinks. Not sure why, I invited him to see my new home he excepted but did not come. He is not allowing the kids to see me unless he says and today his mother called. On one end I am wondering if this is a game but on the other I am just hoping that we can come to a mutual ground of parenting and work together. And since we were together over 10 years I still love him but know that the relationship is beyond damage and he has moved on. What do I do? What am I missing?


He's using you. He doesn't want to be alone and he doesn't have to do any emotional work because he knows you still have feelings for him. He's throwing out the line and hoping you will take the bait. Don't be his standby girl. You deserve better than he has ever given you.


----------



## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Meela said:


> The lawyer said file papers, which also seems like another game because he is getting what he wants and I am pushing papers and my kids only see what they see. I went to my son’s school and finally got the secretary to call him to the office he would not stop hugging me. I wanted to cry in front of everyone because I knew I would not see him again for a while. I had them every other week which was court ordered based on what he wrote in the divorce. It was difficult he moved 40 mins away and I was helping take care of my mom who was sick and has since passed away and working overnight. We are suppose to go to court in a couple of months. I think he is going to get everything he wants. One of my biggest fears is that my kids are going to look back on this and say what I didn’t do and how they had to deal with this or bring up anything from now that I can’t change or help. The legal system seems rigged.


40 minutes? My husband drives an hour each way to work and back 6 days a week. If your kids were that important to you, you'd be driving it every weekend and had papers filed the day he said you couldn't see them. Your children will never forget you didn't fight for them and you will never get the last 2 years back. Instead you meet up with their father because "you still love him" even though he is supposedly keeping them from you.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You are leaving out some detail that you don’t want known because it will cast you in a bad light.

What is that detail ?


----------

