# The lie that killed it.



## texastest (Apr 30, 2010)

edit


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

Her lying to you about her money situation was wrong, and you have every right to be upset about that. 

But your statement "She knew I would never marry her if she had money problems big money problems." bothers me a bit to be honest. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, or a moron but why would money ever into the picture of marriage if you actually love someone? 

You sound a LOT like my brother-in-law. He stresses himself out something fierce about money all of the time. In my mind there is a difference between being cautious with money and being almost solely focused on money. What use is life or even having money if the majority of the time all you can focus on IS the money? It becomes the golden calf so to speak. 

But, maybe as well you may need to re-think your position on money and make sure money ISN'T your sole object in life. That being said, I don't know you and all i've ever seen of you is this one post so for me to even ATTEMPT to pass judgment would be wrong. 

The above is just a possible suggestion, not a judgment.


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## texastest (Apr 30, 2010)

Your point is well taken. But by staying another 15 years after the lie, kinda proves money was not all I cared about. But I came in here to say that the lie is what crushed me not the money.


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## hubby_Mike (Apr 26, 2010)

Yeah that's a big huge lie, not one worth of divorce I think. If she is helping support the family then seems like u just need a debt reduction plan. 

Now if u married her for 150k you thought she had shame on you. If u love her, that lie should not break bank. At best she needs to say something like I am sorry for stringing u along I do what can to clean up the dept. 

Lastly if were so gung ho on making sure she was financially stable why did u not ask her for a credit report it would have shown the bad debts and potential issues. 

Just my 2 cents
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## texastest (Apr 30, 2010)

LOL, thats a new one. I never heard of asking someone for a credit report before proposing.


But, maybe a very good idea.


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## texastest (Apr 30, 2010)

Also my point is that the lie kinda killed the love too. It is just like having cheating spouse. Some people can forgive and move on, while others can not.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

texastest said:


> Also my point is that the lie kinda killed the love too. It is just like having cheating spouse. Some people can forgive and move on, while others can not.


Yes/No in my opinion. We all lie about something, and anyone who says they have never lied, well that's a lie too!! 

I think forgiveness is always the best path. The issue IMO is not the lie itself, but if the person is willing to own up to their mistake, fix it and never let it happen again. We are imperfect people, we cannot be expected to be perfect. We have to allow ourselves to forgive people, because when we are the ones who messed up, we want the same acceptance allowed for us. 

To leave no room for redemption? I'm just personally not okay with that. Everyone deserves a chance to redeem themselves from mistakes they have made in the past. It's when they have had a chance to redeem themselves and either don't, or do it again that I personally feel it's okay to move on.

But again, that's just my personal opinion on the matter...


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## texastest (Apr 30, 2010)

Crypsys said:


> Yes/No in my opinion. We all lie about something, and anyone who says they have never lied, well that's a lie too!!
> 
> I think forgiveness is always the best path. The issue IMO is not the lie itself, but if the person is willing to own up to their mistake, fix it and never let it happen again. We are imperfect people, we cannot be expected to be perfect. We have to allow ourselves to forgive people, because when we are the ones who messed up, we want the same acceptance allowed for us.
> 
> ...


I wish you had not said this. Really I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because the money problems have continued through the entire marriage, I had to get a separate checking account so her crazy spending would not make the mortgage payment bounce and so on. In her own account she bounced check over and over and even had her son run to the mail box to hide the banks overdraft notices so I would not see them. She has even been arrested for a bad check.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

texastest said:


> I wish you had not said this. Really I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Because the money problems have continued through the entire marriage, I had to get a separate checking account so her crazy spending would not make the mortgage payment bounce and so on. In her own account she bounced check over and over and even had her son run to the mail box to hide the banks overdraft notices so I would not see them. She has even been arrested for a bad check.


Yeah, that's bad, really bad. With that little piece of background info, I can see why you would be frustrated and hurt. When someone refuses to acknowledge a problem and at least try and work on it, it's next to impossible to get anything done. 

Have you been able to ever get her to see anyone about these spending habits she has?


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