# WW cannot decide wether to Reconcile



## SkyIsCrying

Hello, this is my first post. DDay was 22 June when my WW called on facetime and told me that she had cheated one time. I started looking at the phone records and saw that the affair had been going on for about 6 weeks. After asking for the whole truth, she gave me details that seem to match what the phone records were saying. We have been married for 7 years, no kids and both Active Duty Military. Paving the way for the affair is the fact that we just had been/still are separated by military orders. Leading up to the affair we had both been having issues with the separation and didn't talk that well about it, and that I know she had been feeling attracted to the OM, who is her boss. She still works there, but will be moving in a week to an area that is a few miles away and will not have any reason for further contact. I plan on asking for a written NC when I go to visit next week. 

She tells me that OM is not a factor in the decision to reconcile or divorce, but I don't know if she is being honest with me or even herself. She seems remorseful, but she recoils at the mention of reconciliation. Around 4 weeks after DDay, and 2 weeks after visiting with her during the 4th of July, we decided to get a divorce. 2 days later she called and said she thought it was a rash decision and she thought we needed time to figure out what we want. Im not sure that I can forgive enough to move on, and have been trying to work on me (180) to get through this.

I am ok with waiting for a while, I do not want a divorce, but I need to know that she knows why she cheated, why she didn't come to me with feelings of loss and attraction for another person, and that she is remorseful enough not to do it again. I agreed to the divorce because I dont want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me and only me. 

She says she doesn't know if we can ever trust again, if she can get over the guilt of what she has done, and if she can be happy with me ( a reference to the problems we were having before the affair). 

I have been looking at phone records and bank accounts, I haven't been able to get into her email. I asked once and she told me she would give me the password, but was hesitant because she has transcripts of her and the OM's text messages as insurance against OM's Wife incase she tries to alter the messages to get them in touble at work. I dont want to read those messages so I didn't pursue the email connection. I don't really think that she is still in contact with him in any other way than work, but I am not sure. 

Most of the time she is very receptive to my questions, my anger and my sadness, but it is like pulling teeth when I ask questions about her state of mind. I wonder if she is still in the fog. 

So, ultimately, should I be patient and give her the time she says she need to decide between reconciliation and divorce? Or should I see the indecision as a decision in itself? Thanks for reading.


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## tom67

OM and your wife are playing with fire with the UCMJ. Some COs don't care but they do not want anything tarnishing them.
IMO don't wait for her to make a decision make it for her and divorce.
She at the very least is stringing you along.
Sorry you are here.


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## tom67

You may want to ask a moderator to transfer this thread to CWI.
You will get more feedback.


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## tom67

Her not giving you the email pw is because they are still in contact and/or if you saw the content you would divorce her.
There should be total transparency for any r to be possible.


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## PBear

The weak approach is the least likely approach to a successful reconciliation, IMHO. All you're doing is teaching her what she can get away with. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## toonaive

Consult an attorney, file for divorce. As said before, the weak approach will not work. Your WW needs to see what she is loosing in you, to ever come close to wanting you back. Otherwise, she will never rebuild her respect for you. Your WW's decision to cheat was hers alone.


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