# Not wanting your wife or partner on your social media



## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Hi. I’m trying to get the male perspective here. If you knew not to request your spouse as a friend on Facebook or Instagram because you knew they wouldn’t want you on their feed, does that always mean something negative?
My spouse has a few younger family members of mine on his friends list and my brother but declined my mom, dad and others. He even has some of my friends he knew personally. He’s never posted a picture of me or mentioned me and has posted a few pictures of our children but not up until a few years ago and it’s either our daughter because she’s gifted and it brought him attention or our son and him-he loves our son but treats my daughter differently.
He had lots of females on his friends list some married, some not. I was astonished by how many. Once I mentioned he his his friends list. Other things have happened in our marriage but I would like anyones take from a male point of view of possible reasons why he wouldn’t ever make mention of me or friend me. Oh also, what are your thought on him never giving me the code to his phone our entire relationship? Married 27/together 23 and even at a time when kids were little and I said just give to them in case of emergency. and lastly, him pretending to not know someone a female that is a Facebook and Instagram friend and whom he works with when I asked him and then eventually said,”yeah I know her, she’s a nice person, she’s really nice and she’s dating a guy at work , he’s cool and she used to date this other guy but yeah, oh yeah I know her.” I asked does she have kids? Has she been married, oh yeah, she’s divorced and has kids.” Thoughts on any or all? Thank you! I’ve lived in so much chaos I’m still trying to justify stuff and would like input. Ready to leave but he seems so afraid for me to and says he loves me and it makes me feel sorry for him.
Thanks guys!


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

I know you are looking for male perspective here, and I'm female, but honestly this scenario wouldn't sit well with me.

I have no issue with a partner wanting some independence and individuality, but if I'm such a part of their life, I would expect to be present in every facet, including on their facebook page.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

The reason you are not allowed on his social media or to have his password for his phone is he wants to appear single and if he’s in contact with other women you can’t check his phone. 
I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been cheating throughout your marriage and I’m amazed that you allowed him to behave like this without repercussions.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Wife and I have account together. Don't give opportunity for impropriety to have a place. If anyone wants to message the other spouse then it can read by both. Open books.

Same time I do not accept friend requests from women that are not friends of both of us. I have employees that give me hard time because I did not accept their requests on FB. I do not even friend some family if I do not agree with their values.

She will not approve a friend request from men unless they are family or church family and she will bring it up to me first for approval.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

it does seem odd that he does not want you on there. 
husband should be proud of his wife. 

but i am not up on such things, i might look at fb once a month, and only because some email alert goads me to do it


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It really shouldn't be an issue. W can be on any social media I'm on.

Which is purposefully small list, because I'm on PC all day, so I don't even check all things when phone chirps.
Phone rang as we were fooling around yesterday, W asked if I wanted to see who it was, I told her no, I'm busy. You're my priority for now 😘.

If its important, they'll call back. That phone doesn't rule my life.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

He's wanting to appear at least somewhat available and that you are not a significant part of his life. I am sorry.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Confusing post. Is he refusing to Friend you on Facebook? Or are you just having an issue that he won't let you log into his account?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

NotSure74 said:


> Hi. I’m trying to get the male perspective here. If you knew not to request your spouse as a friend on Facebook or Instagram because you knew they wouldn’t want you on their feed, does that always mean something negative?
> My spouse has a few younger family members of mine on his friends list and my brother but declined my mom, dad and others. He even has some of my friends he knew personally. He’s never posted a picture of me or mentioned me and has posted a few pictures of our children but not up until a few years ago and it’s either our daughter because she’s gifted and it brought him attention or our son and him-he loves our son but treats my daughter differently.
> He had lots of females on his friends list some married, some not. I was astonished by how many. Once I mentioned he his his friends list. Other things have happened in our marriage but I would like anyones take from a male point of view of possible reasons why he wouldn’t ever make mention of me or friend me. Oh also, what are your thought on him never giving me the code to his phone our entire relationship? Married 27/together 23 and even at a time when kids were little and I said just give to them in case of emergency. and lastly, him pretending to not know someone a female that is a Facebook and Instagram friend and whom he works with when I asked him and then eventually said,”yeah I know her, she’s a nice person, she’s really nice and she’s dating a guy at work , he’s cool and she used to date this other guy but yeah, oh yeah I know her.” I asked does she have kids? Has she been married, oh yeah, she’s divorced and has kids.” Thoughts on any or all? Thank you! I’ve lived in so much chaos I’m still trying to justify stuff and would like input. Ready to leave but he seems so afraid for me to and says he loves me and it makes me feel sorry for him.
> Thanks guys!


The only valid reason I would not want my wife on my social media or to know the passwords on my phone is if she took it upon herself to delete or misuse information on my phone or social media accounts. Otherwise there is no good reason for a spouse to not have access to their mate's information.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

MarmiteC said:


> I know you are looking for male perspective here, and I'm female, but honestly this scenario wouldn't sit well with me.
> 
> I have no issue with a partner wanting some independence and individuality, but if I'm such a part of their life, I would expect to be present in every facet, including on their facebook page.


I appreciate your feedback. I felt that way I guess too comfortably about the independence and individuality but the fact that he doesn’t acknowledge he’s married nor had he ever posted a picture of me ever or anything is odd to me. Thank you for commenting.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Andy1001 said:


> The reason you are not allowed on his social media or to have his password for his phone is he wants to appear single and if he’s in contact with other women you can’t check his phone.
> I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been cheating throughout your marriage and I’m amazed that you allowed him to behave like this without repercussions.


Thank you so much for the response. My counselor was shocked about the Facebook and Instagram thing and that i didn’t have his passcode. Shocked. She didn’t specifically state he wanted to appear single but that’s the vibe I got. I know, it sounds pathetic but he is a bit scary at times or had been until I left once not too long ago and very intimidating and I just lost myself and got stuck. I’m working on myself now. Thank you.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> Wife and I have account together. Don't give opportunity for impropriety to have a place. If anyone wants to message the other spouse then it can read by both. Open books.
> 
> Same time I do not accept friend requests from women that are not friends of both of us. I have employees that give me hard time because I did not accept their requests on FB. I do not even friend some family if I do not agree with their values.
> 
> She will not approve a friend request from men unless they are family or church family and she will bring it up to me first for approval.


I love this! Thank you so much.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> it does seem odd that he does not want you on there.
> husband should be proud of his wife.
> 
> but i am not up on such things, i might look at fb once a month, and only because some email alert goads me to do it


I agree. I would think he would be proud to have me as his wife. If I was him I would be especially knowing all I deal with. Thank you for responding!


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> It really shouldn't be an issue. W can be on any social media I'm on.
> 
> Which is purposefully small list, because I'm on PC all day, so I don't even check all things when phone chirps.
> Phone rang as we were fooling around yesterday, W asked if I wanted to see who it was, I told her no, I'm busy. You're my priority for now 😘.
> ...


I love this too. Thank you-you’re spot on in my opinion. In other words he could look through my phone, my messages etc. it wouldn’t matter to me.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> He's wanting to appear at least somewhat available and that you are not a significant part of his life. I am sorry.


Thank you so much for responding and since my counselor seemed so shocked about this when I told her oh he never wanted me to request him and even if I had he would have not accepted. Thank you for being kind.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Gabriel said:


> Confusing post. Is he refusing to Friend you on Facebook? Or are you just having an issue that he won't let you log into his account?


Oh no I would never try to log in to his account and I never all these years friend requested him. He wouldn’t have accepted. He does not state he’s married nor has he ever posted pictures of me or ever acknowledge me as his wife or having a wife period on social media. 
He’s account was never public in some ways but I could see the pictures he posted and all the friends he had. Most are his family and females from work, and wherever else.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

jonty30 said:


> The only valid reason I would not want my wife on my social media or to know the passwords on my phone is if she took it upon herself to delete or misuse information on my phone or social media accounts. Otherwise there is no good reason for a spouse to not have access to their mate's information.


Totally understand that. I would never want his login information. I was stating he never wanted me to friend request him and if I had he would not have accepted. He doesn’t state he’s married or post family pics or not one picture of he and I for all these years. His account is private but somehow I see pictures and I used to see a ton of females as “friends” but after I asked him about it he made it to where no one can see his list of friends. Well, I guess so I can’t see. Thank you for responding.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

male perspective:
This kind of post in the men's section is pretty much a trap. Any thing a man says will be wrong.
Helpful mans perspective:
Real men don't have Instagram accounts. Real men don't have active Facebook accounts.
Advice to men:
Facebook will hurt your marriage.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

NotSure74 said:


> Oh no I would never try to log in to his account and I never all these years friend requested him. He wouldn’t have accepted. He does not state he’s married nor has he ever posted pictures of me or ever acknowledge me as his wife or having a wife period on social media.
> He’s account was never public in some ways but I could see the pictures he posted and all the friends he had. Most are his family and females from work, and wherever else.


If your H would not accept your friend request on Facebook, you have a real problem.

My wife and I have separate accounts, and we both have "friends" on social media that the other don't know, both male and female. But we are "friends" and can see the comments, likes, posts, etc. it's no big deal. But to have a private account that your spouse cannot see??? That's messed up.

He's either cheating on you, or wants to.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Mr. Nail said:


> male perspective:
> This kind of post in the men's section is pretty much a trap. Any thing a man says will be wrong.
> Helpful mans perspective:
> Real men don't have Instagram accounts. Real men don't have active Facebook accounts.
> ...


Thank you.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Thank you!


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Gabriel said:


> If your H would not accept your friend request on Facebook, you have a real problem.
> 
> My wife and I have separate accounts, and we both have "friends" on social media that the other don't know, both male and female. But we are "friends" and can see the comments, likes, posts, etc. it's no big deal. But to have a private account that your spouse cannot see??? That's messed up.
> 
> He's either cheating on you, or wants to.


Thank you for responding.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Mr. Nail said:


> male perspective:
> This kind of post in the men's section is pretty much a trap. Any thing a man says will be wrong.
> Helpful mans perspective:
> Real men don't have Instagram accounts. Real men don't have active Facebook accounts.
> ...


Thank you for your response.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I dunno...could be nothing, or could be something....

Maybe it's just me, but back when I had a FB acct, mostly due to the hobbies I enjoy, there wouldn't be a single day without several posts that displayed scantily clad and sexy women in ad's and posts.,draped on Harley's, boats, cars and even hawking construction equipment...heck even fishing equipment....Not only that, several of my guy friends would often post memes of hot AF women. and jokes and such....I couldn't care less if some woman I had on my friends list(only had a few) saw it, if they didn't want to see it they could unfriend, but I wouldn't want female relatives, my own mother, or absolutely not a significant other to see it...Its embarrassing and potentially hurtful...

I wasn't familiar with all the rules of FB, maybe if I saw it, they wouldn't? I dunno...Most of this stuff is just part of being a guy I suppose, and unless you want to be a complete tight ass, it's hard to avoid...Additionally, you see guys with shared FB accounts with their wives, , you immediately assume that guys wife has his balls in a jar...May not be right, but that's the general consensus....

All that said, the way you described it, makes me believe he is trying to hide from you more than the random stuff I mentioned earlier in the post...I could be wrong, but just going by what you say, its the feeling I am getting...


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> I dunno...could be nothing, or could be something....
> 
> Maybe it's just me, but back when I had a FB acct, mostly due to the hobbies I enjoy, there wouldn't be a single day without several posts that displayed scantily clad and sexy women in ad's and posts.,draped on Harley's, boats, cars and even hawking construction equipment...heck even fishing equipment....Not only that, several of my guy friends would often post memes of hot AF women. and jokes and such....I couldn't care less if some woman I had on my friends list(only had a few) saw it, if they didn't want to see it they could unfriend, but I wouldn't want female relatives, my own mother, or absolutely not a significant other to see it...Its embarrassing and potentially hurtful...
> 
> ...


I appreciate your response and going in depth on your reasoning. Thank you.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mrs. Conan has full access to all my social media accounts and it is occasionally annoying because she has sometimes asked me who so and so is in an accusatory manner. I alay her consternation by talking to her and letting her know I don't know who the hell just tried to follow me and I certainly am not following anyone I'm not related to or friends with that she knows.

Regardless, it's better that everything is above board and open to scrutiny.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Mrs. Conan has full access to all my social media accounts and it is occasionally annoying because she has sometimes asked me who so and so is in an accusatory manner. I alay her consternation by talking to her and letting her know I don't know who the hell just tried to follow me and I certainly am not following anyone I'm not related to or friends with that she knows.
> 
> Regardless, it's better that everything is above board and open to scrutiny.


I completely agree and thank you very much!


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Julie is the center of my life. I would not think of not acknowledging her.

As for the "balls in a jar" remark above, I find that living these macho male stereotypes causes men to miss out.


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Julie's Husband said:


> Julie is the center of my life. I would not think of not acknowledging her.
> 
> As for the "balls in a jar" remark above, I find that living these macho male stereotypes causes men to miss out.


I’m happy for you guys. I hope to have a love one day. Thank you.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

NotSure74 said:


> I’m happy for you guys. I hope to have a love one day. Thank you.


Your hubbies actions are hinky as hell in my book.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

OP, as a man that sort if did some of the things your H is doing for various reasons, I will say this. I think your relationship is in the tank, a letter has already been sent to you, and you don't want to open it. I know why he is doing various things, and none of them are good. 

You need to prepare yourself for severance, then provide him with the ultimatum. Either change status to married, add a pic of your entire family together, or GTFO. 

I will tell you, with my 2nd ex, I most certainly did not give her access to my stuff because she literally would comb the sand to try to say I was cheating or how dare I talk to another female that happens to be a life long friend and classmate. In that case, I shut her down for being too intrusive, BUT our pictures together were on my page. 

Not adding certain family members I can totally get. I don't have my parents or brother on mine!!!!! Why? Because I don't need judgments from everyone over what I chose to post. They are all nosy.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You should have passwords to all his stuff, he should friend you and have a picture of you on his social media pages. He’s wrong and you’re right. Very simple. Fb is terrible for relationships


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

bobsmith said:


> OP, as a man that sort if did some of the things your H is doing for various reasons, I will say this. I think your relationship is in the tank, a letter has already been sent to you, and you don't want to open it. I know why he is doing various things, and none of them are good.
> 
> You need to prepare yourself for severance, then provide him with the ultimatum. Either change status to married, add a pic of your entire family together, or GTFO.
> 
> ...


Thank you for commenting!


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## NotSure74 (May 26, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> You should have passwords to all his stuff, he should friend you and have a picture of you on his social media pages. He’s wrong and you’re right. Very simple. Fb is terrible for relationships


Thank you for commenting.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Are you able to see his Facebook? I mean it is possible that someone just wants an outlet where they can honestly gripe about their life or be honest about things without getting in trouble with their wife and maybe doesn't want to be proper for the elder relatives. I would never have allowed either of my parents on any of my social media. 

Of course it is entirely possible that he is just trying to appear single to keep his options open and could be cheating or can't stop looking. 

Unless there's already been someone caught cheating I'm not really for giving out your password to anyone. You have to have more trust than that to stay in a marriage I think. Dr Phil recently said he thought I was going too far to have to share your passwords. But if someone has been caught cheating and you're trying to rehabilitate the marriage then it is absolutely necessary for transparency.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

He wants those other women to think he's single. I wouldn't be surprised if he's cheating!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

ah, don't worry, face book will be bankrupt in another year or two, so all this will go away


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## Homospaniel (2 mo ago)

I'm a man and I want to say that it looks very suspicious, I think he definitely has secrets.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Why are you still with this guy? You said he drinks too much and abused you? He most likely cheats and doesn’t acknowledge your existence. What do you like about him? He’s mean and a liar to boot.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

NotSure74 said:


> Hi. I’m trying to get the male perspective here. If you knew not to request your spouse as a friend on Facebook or Instagram because you knew they wouldn’t want you on their feed, does that always mean something negative?
> My spouse has a few younger family members of mine on his friends list and my brother but declined my mom, dad and others. He even has some of my friends he knew personally. He’s never posted a picture of me or mentioned me and has posted a few pictures of our children but not up until a few years ago and it’s either our daughter because she’s gifted and it brought him attention or our son and him-he loves our son but treats my daughter differently.
> He had lots of females on his friends list some married, some not. I was astonished by how many. Once I mentioned he his his friends list. Other things have happened in our marriage but I would like anyones take from a male point of view of possible reasons why he wouldn’t ever make mention of me or friend me. Oh also, what are your thought on him never giving me the code to his phone our entire relationship? Married 27/together 23 and even at a time when kids were little and I said just give to them in case of emergency. and lastly, him pretending to not know someone a female that is a Facebook and Instagram friend and whom he works with when I asked him and then eventually said,”yeah I know her, she’s a nice person, she’s really nice and she’s dating a guy at work , he’s cool and she used to date this other guy but yeah, oh yeah I know her.” I asked does she have kids? Has she been married, oh yeah, she’s divorced and has kids.” Thoughts on any or all? Thank you! I’ve lived in so much chaos I’m still trying to justify stuff and would like input. Ready to leave but he seems so afraid for me to and says he loves me and it makes me feel sorry for him.
> Thanks guys!


I used to run an expats group here in Chiang Mai, Thailand and have a facebook page for the group and why I needed to be on facebook.
I have a facebook profile set for friends only, not public mostly for the purpose of seeing what my friends and family members are up to these days.
I never place any personal information about myself or family on facebook. I have in a relationship, no birthday date and only that I`m from London now living in Chiang Mai, Thailand.
I mostly post funny videos on there and photos and that`s it.
My wife has never been and is not interested in having any social media accounts. My wife can see my facebook profile at anytime on my PC and if she were on facebook of course I`d be proud to have her on my so-called friends list.
A cousin once told me, never put anything on there that I`d be ashamed of my parents seeing, good advice.
As for Instagram, that media is becoming known as a hookup site and I would not open an account on there. In-fact it is said that young women on Instagram is a stepping stone to having an OnlyFans account.
I have 162 so-called friends on facebook or fakebook as I describe it. Family members ex-coworkers and friends, male and female of different ages even my daughter. But it means nothing.
I cannot think of any reasons why your husband doesn`t want you on his facebook and instagram, except if he is up to no good and into activities that he wants to hide from you. That in my opinion is the only logical explanation.
One thing you could try is to open a fake facebook account as an attractive young women, see if he friends you on there and tries to hookup with you, a honey trap or if you have a female friend or family member your husband doesn`t know that could friend him, flirt and see if he takes the bait.
But I can tell you, if my wife had social media accounts and refused to friend me on those, there would be a hell of a row.
I have no idea if your marriage has been rocky or still is, but you could try what I have suggested and then decide your way forward.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

This is a zombie thread. OP hasn't been on it in almost a year.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

"Oh, dear!" says Zombie Cat. "This zombie thread has been accidentally reanimated. Let's shut it down."


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