# cant stop caring



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Why can't I stop caring or wondering if my stbxw is thinking about me at all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> Why can't I stop caring or wondering if my stbxw is thinking about me at all
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's emotions. The battle is in our minds.

I know my stbxw (first time using that) does, but, more as a friend.

Learned today, that my stbxw separated from me emotionally/psychologically years ago. She and I are at different stages now.

It's easier for her to care, etc., but remain detached.


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## mike82 (Oct 24, 2011)

proud, i often wonder about this also. i try not to but i always ask myself pretty much daily " does she even care at all". i wonder how it is possible to spend that much time with someone( 9 years) and them not care. me and x wife did so much together and had so many fun nights and good times. i feel like i was very unique in the fact that i made her laugh often, i always had her laughing her ass off. i think she will miss that someday. its been six months for me since its all happened, and i ask myself alot i wonder if she misses me, misses us, misses our family and the life we had. i sometimes wonder if she wishes this never happened. then i snap out of my thoughts and tell myself she probrobly doesnt give two sh!ts about you mike.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I think a walkaway spouse is worse than a cheating spouse. At least with a cheating spouse you know why they left. Walkaways are a different breed... they leave you wondering why for the rest of your life with no answer.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

I can't stop either. I just sit here and wonder why on earth she would not care. She friggin loved me, I know she did. I just don't get it and not sure I ever will.

My STBXW is a walk away and cheater. She checked out months if not years ago (according to her) and had another man which is what allowed her to leave. 

She takes care of him in the way I always wanted her to take care of me. We were so happy I just can't understand. I guess she believes she has found her "true love" or whatever and knows now what it should feel like but it hurts so badly. I'm approaching 3 months and I still want to be with her every second. This is awful.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I think a walkaway spouse is worse than a cheating spouse. At least with a cheating spouse you know why they left. Walkaways are a different breed... they leave you wondering why for the rest of your life with no answer.


I agree. Mine is in MLC/walk-away and w/ that he maybe having an EA now...
I keep telling myself he wants this he can file and I can wait him out but it's so hard. I was just looking at "healing separation" where the goal is to get back together but he doesn't want to

My 4 yr old asked him to come home and according to the 4 yr old his dad was mad at him asking. My 4 yo also told him that mommy missed him, my son seemed upset by this when he told me about it like his dad got angry w/ him.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

@Mama,
My heart breaks for your son. Today on the way to school my 5 year old daughter again asked me why we are getting divorced, I told her "Baby I don't totally understand. Your mommy doesn't love me like she should." It's hard to explain to your children when you totally don't understand either.


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> I agree. Mine is in MLC/walk-away and w/ that he maybe having an EA now...
> I keep telling myself he wants this he can file and I can wait him out but it's so hard. I was just looking at "healing separation" where the goal is to get back together but he doesn't want to
> 
> My 4 yr old asked him to come home and according to the 4 yr old his dad was mad at him asking. My 4 yo also told him that mommy missed him, my son seemed upset by this when he told me about it like his dad got angry w/ him.


I bet it brought out the mama bear in you when he got angry with your 4 year old. I know with me, someone can hurt me all they want, and I'll try to find a way to forgive, but when they hurt one of my kids, we've got a real problem.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I think a walkaway spouse is worse than a cheating spouse. At least with a cheating spouse you know why they left. Walkaways are a different breed... they leave you wondering why for the rest of your life with no answer.


Yes!!!!!

So weird.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> @Mama,
> My heart breaks for your son. Today on the way to school my 5 year old daughter again asked me why we are getting divorced, I told her "Baby I don't totally understand. Your mommy doesn't love me like she should." It's hard to explain to your children when you totally don't understand either.


I've had this conversation. Even though we're not divorced yet. My stbxw and I are friends and we spend time together as a family, so it's hard for children to understand that we're just friends who can't live together.


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## OddFellow151 (Feb 16, 2012)

Jay - I think as kids get older they will appreciate that even though mom and dad are not married to each other anymore, they can still cooperate when it comes to matters regarding the children.

Proud - Have you read "The Truth About Children and Divorce" by Emery? It has a lot of great information on ways you can help your kids get through this difficult time.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Jayb said:


> I've had this conversation. Even though we're not divorced yet. My stbxw and I are friends and we spend time together as a family, so it's hard for children to understand that we're just friends who can't live together.


Jayb: I don't know your story, sorry. Does your stbxw have a OM? I've been trying to find someone who is in my shoes.
We are still doing the whole family thing and although the kids seem totally happy with mommy's house and daddy's house, I have to wonder how long this can go on.

I have never had anything remotely bad come out of my kids' mouths yet but I'm waiting for the day. I suspect it will come when her and the OM move in together.

@Proud: I am still with you man. This sux and I feel all the things your are feeling for your x.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I, too, am "friends" w/ the stbxh but don't know how much longer this can go on. He comes over often to visit with our son (16) and daughter (19) when shes home ftom school, but after his words this past weekend when he pretty much told me there will be no R, I've lost another part of my heart and can't seem to handle it when he's around. Last night when he was over he mentioned a trip he 's going on with a (male) friend in a couple months and it just totally hit me hard, like how dare you come here and brag about this after telling me just days ago that you have no life because you're so financially strapped by me and the kids. How f'ng dare you.

Sorry to rant on your post Proud, but thanks for listening


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

sd212 said:


> Jayb: I don't know your story, sorry. Does your stbxw have a OM? I've been trying to find someone who is in my shoes.
> We are still doing the whole family thing and although the kids seem totally happy with mommy's house and daddy's house, I have to wonder how long this can go on.
> 
> I have never had anything remotely bad come out of my kids' mouths yet but I'm waiting for the day. I suspect it will come when her and the OM move in together.
> ...


No. didn't have OM and doesn't have OM. My children adjusted. It's helped that my emotions calmed down during a few months of this. 

We talked about dating and introducing others into our children's lives. We both admitted not being ready for this.

In my case, it would make more sense if there were another man. I'm being dumped so that my wife can be single and independent.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This is all normal thought processes.

What you need to do is retrain your brain in its patterns.  It just takes time. It takes 30 days to create a habit in the brain. 30 days.


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