# Why do the US divorce laws cause me to consider killing myself?



## u84six (Jul 20, 2017)

I know I would never do anything like that, but it's tough not to feel this way. Here's my situation:

I've been married for 14 years. I'm in my 50s and my wife is about 15 years younger than me. Everything was ok for about 8 years, then we started drifting apart. She decided to stop pursuing a career and just didn't feel like working. I tried to help her get out of her funk (lots of encouragement, paid for extra schooling, etc). Then one day I just had enough and decided to get a divorce. At this point, we were just roommates anyway. I didn't really expect the financial situation to be this bad and it's killing me. Here's our status and the end deal:

Status: no kids, she's 15 years younger than me, she has a college degree, I have a a GED. She gave up on her career and I've been working my butt off since I was 16 years old.

- I bought my house 6 years before we were married, the court is still going to give her half of the equity of the home. The housing market is at an all-time high, but I don't want to sell this house (because where would I go?). The only way I can keep the house that I bought is to buy it back from her and pay for it all over again (half the equity equals what I've already paid for it 20 years ago). Ugh!!

- She has little in her retirement plan (because she didn't work much), I have a few hundred thousand. The court is going to give her half of my retirement. This means that if she does in fact start working after divorce, she'll be much better off than I am when she's my age, and I will need to recoup my losses in a shorter amount of time. Ugh!!

- She has nothing in her savings account (we have joint savings and I have my own), and I have $100k in mine. The court is going to give her half of that. Ugh!!

- Since she's not working, she's eligible for alimony. The court could demand that I pay her $3000 per month for 8 years (or until she gets a job. But why would she?). Ugh!

So in the end, the court is awarding the unproductive, non-tax paying citizen an award as if she hit the lottery, and I lose so much that I won't even be able to recoup my losses because I'll be struggling just to pay her alimony. I'll basically be living out of my car, probably lose my job, and then it will be tough for me to find an equivalent job because a recruiter won't even look at a resume with just GED.

How is any of this fair? What happened to equality? And I live in a state that pushes for equality more than most!!

I feel like jumping off a bridge. :frown2:


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

You need a better lawyer!


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## Quality (Apr 26, 2016)

The judge might think it's creepy that you were at the onset of your marriage a 36 year old man marrying a 21 year old girl. He/she MAY believe you signed up to be her sugar daddy and now you need to follow through on the deal.

YOU are the one that filed ~ why you didn't slowly move your cash around conveniently before dissolving this is beyond me. Plenty of men in your position take trips to Vegas where they conveniently succumb to an out of control gambling habit.

Not that that's an honest way to go about it but it sure beats being raped by her and her attorney {who you are likely paying the bill for too}.


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## u84six (Jul 20, 2017)

I've already been through 5 lawyers. 3 of them, I didn't take after the free consultation. The 4th one I fired after a month. And now I'm on my fifth. The last one charged me $150 just for sending her an email!


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Quality said:


> The judge might think it's creepy that you were at the onset of your marriage a 36 year old man marrying a 21 year old girl. He/she MAY believe you signed up to be her sugar daddy and now you need to follow through on the deal.
> 
> YOU are the one that filed ~ why you didn't slowly move your cash around conveniently before dissolving this is beyond me. Plenty of men in your position take trips to Vegas where they conveniently succumb to an out of control gambling habit.
> 
> Not that that's an honest way to go about it but it sure beats being raped by her and her attorney {who you are likely paying the bill for too}.


Unless you have recipts they just say your hiding money.and if the judge thinks your hidding money then your ass will really be butt hurt


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

u84six said:


> I know I would never do anything like that, but it's tough not to feel this way. Here's my situation:
> 
> I've been married for 14 years. I'm in my 50s and my wife is about 15 years younger than me. Everything was ok for about 8 years, then we started drifting apart. She decided to stop pursuing a career and just didn't feel like working. I tried to help her get out of her funk (lots of encouragement, paid for extra schooling, etc). Then one day I just had enough and decided to get a divorce. At this point, we were just roommates anyway. I didn't really expect the financial situation to be this bad and it's killing me. Here's our status and the end deal:
> 
> ...


You have to remember your life is worth more then material things. I get that you worked hard for them, but where there is life there is hope.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

u84six said:


> I've already been through 5 lawyers. 3 of them, I didn't take after the free consultation. The 4th one I fired after a month. And now I'm on my fifth. The last one charged me $150 just for sending her an email!


If you fire every lawyer that charges for an email you'll run out of lawyers. They all do it like it or not. 

Divorce and fair should never be in the same sentence, yes it's gonna cost you and nearly every divorce one of the parties is going to take a bath. It also only get's worse the longer you stay married. If you feel divorce is the only solution at this time then cut your losses and work the best deal you can. It's all you can do really.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Cheaper to keep her. Old maxim, still bears repeating.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Taxman said:


> Cheaper to keep her. Old maxim, still bears repeating.


That's what my spouse keeps telling me...


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

that's the screwing you get for the screwing you got


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## Stang197 (Aug 31, 2015)

The laws are this way because women out vote men. Not much you can do except share your story as much as you can and try to convince as many other males as possible to vote and to not ever get married. At the very least get a prenup.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Really, your lawyer sucks. I won't even go into detail because most of those penalties you described, a good lawyer would not stand for. You have no children, there's no reason for her to be staying home and not working. Why the heck should you pay her alimony if she's able bodied and with the education to get a job? 

You're being taken for a ride, sir.


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## pattyreed2011 (Nov 28, 2016)

Go to avvo.com

Sent from my SM-G550T1 using Tapatalk


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