# ED problems?



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Men - how do us women not take it personal when you can't ejaculate from sex only? This has rarely happened in the morning. Usually, I typically have no problems, starting with a BJ and then finishing with sex but here lately - he's been having a hard time finishing in the morning. He says that it gets too hot and he feels dehydrated. This morning, he had to finish it himself (he didn't leave my side) but its still hard to not take it personal... 

Ladies - how do you handle these situations?


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Men - how do us women not take it personal when you can't ejaculate from sex only?


That's not a problem I have. That said the answer to your question, is for you to feel some empathy for your husband.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You shouldn't take it personally because it's usually not about you. Women have a hard time accepting that but it's the truth. It's on you to accept that or remind yourself of that, rather than making it all about yourself 🤷🏻‍♂️


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

bobert said:


> You shouldn't take it personally because it's usually not about you. Women have a hard time accepting that but it's the truth. It's on you to accept that or remind yourself of that, rather than making it all about yourself 🤷🏻‍♂️


I asked him if everything was ok - he just said that he doesn't feel well and he feels hot and dehydrated. We have our fun at night because he's drunk and can't finish and then we finish it in the morning but here lately, even mornings are hard?


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Anxiety may be a factor, or plumbing, or some other health issue.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Men - how do us women not take it personal when you can't ejaculate from sex only? This has rarely happened in the morning. Usually, I typically have no problems, starting with a BJ and then finishing with sex but here lately - he's been having a hard time finishing in the morning. He says that it gets too hot and he feels dehydrated. This morning, he had to finish it himself (he didn't leave my side) but its still hard to not take it personal...
> 
> Ladies - how do you handle these situations?


My wife doesn't orgasm from intercourse sex and I don't take that personally. She only does from using a toy.

If I let that bother me, things would be even more challenging than they already are.

Sounds like you should be happy he wants to have sex with you and work out all the mechanical details after that.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> I asked him if everything was ok - he just said that he doesn't feel well and he feels hot and dehydrated. We have our fun at night because he's drunk and can't finish and then we finish it in the morning but here lately, even mornings are hard?


It's a lot harder for me to finish if I have to pee, which is pretty common in the mornings. Has absolutely nothing to do with my wife.

Right now I'm on a medication that makes it a lot harder to finish and quickies would be impossible. That also has nothing to do with my wife.

If he has trouble finishing it's most likely on him. Whether it's from being hungover, having a porn problem, having performance anxiety, needing a health checkup, or any other number of causes.

It's hard on the man as well, and you turning it about yourself doesn't help.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

bobert said:


> It's a lot harder for me to finish if I have to pee, which is pretty common in the mornings. Has absolutely nothing to do with my wife.
> 
> Right now I'm on a medication that makes it a lot harder to finish and quickies would be impossible. That also has nothing to do with my wife.
> 
> ...


I didn't ask him if it was me - I just asked him if everything was ok and he said he wasn't feeling well....

He does watch a lot of porn. So that leads me to my next question - why does porn effect your sex life? 

TBH - We never really had this problem when he drank beer. He would have a hard time maintaining an erection but now that he drinks the seltzers - he can't get rid of it at night but mornings have always been fine until here lately.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> I didn't ask him if it was me - I just asked him if everything was ok and he said he wasn't feeling well....
> 
> He does watch a lot of porn. So that leads me to my next question - why does porn effect your sex life?


OP, you've just asked the magic question around here. 
Pandora's Box is now officially open! 😮


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Men - how do us women not take it personal when you can't ejaculate from sex only? This has rarely happened in the morning. Usually, I typically have no problems, starting with a BJ and then finishing with sex but here lately - he's been having a hard time finishing in the morning. He says that it gets too hot and he feels dehydrated. This morning, he had to finish it himself (he didn't leave my side) but its still hard to not take it personal...
> 
> Ladies - how do you handle these situations?





FloridaGuy1 said:


> *My wife doesn't orgasm from intercourse sex and I don't take that personally*. She only does from using a toy.


That about says it all, in a nutshell.

_A bird in one's hand is better than two in the bush._

The action starts in the mind, but if your male bird can't finish in the bush, he does so with his hand.

There are so many physical and mental factors involved here, I decline in explaining.

You need to bone up on male anatomy.

Quickly, there is a big difference in young men and their sexual response and that of older men.

It is a nervy subject, to discuss and to properly discharge.


_Are Dee-_


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> I didn't ask him if it was me - I just asked him if everything was ok and he said he wasn't feeling well....
> 
> He does watch a lot of porn. So that leads me to my next question - why does porn effect your sex life?
> 
> TBH - We never really had this problem when he drank beer. He would have a hard time maintaining an erection but now that he drinks the seltzers - he can't get rid of it at night but mornings have always been fine until here lately.


That heavy hand a-dikshun comes to mind, than to hand.

MBay-tion conditions the male sexual response, unnaturally.

Possibly, damaging the perk-innent nerve endings.

Dunno, I have seen no studies.



_Gwendolyn-_


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> He does watch a lot of porn. So that leads me to my next question - why does porn effect your sex life?


Here you go, I hope this helps.

*Psychology Today - January 1, 2022*

"*Evidence Mounts That Porn Doesn't Cause Erectile Dysfunction*
Critics charge that porn harms erections. Three recent studies show it doesn’t.

*KEY POINTS*

Porn critics contend that watching pornography increases men's risk of erectile dysfunction (ED). 
Three recent studies conclude that porn viewing has nothing to do with risk of erection problems.
When men suspect that porn might be harming their erections, three other reasons usually explain why: substances, upbringing, and time.
...

*The Three Reasons Men Mistakenly Think Porn Causes ED*
If porn doesn’t cause ED, what does? When men have trouble raising erections after viewing, the real reasons usually involve alcohol, sex-negative upbringing, and/or the refractory period:"


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> I didn't ask him if it was me - I just asked him if everything was ok and he said he wasn't feeling well....
> 
> He does watch a lot of porn. So that leads me to my next question - why does porn effect your sex life?
> 
> TBH - We never really had this problem when he drank beer. He would have a hard time maintaining an erection but now that he drinks the seltzers - he can't get rid of it at night but mornings have always been fine until here lately.


I've said this in other posts. I'm not one to say no one should be using porn, that is an individual choice. However, for some it can be an issue and I personally linked my porn use to problems with orgasm, and I'm not alone. The theory is it can desensitize you and you require a greater level of excitement to orgasm. If you throw masturbation on top of that you also have the potential of creating the need for physical stimulation that can only be achieved with your hand and not wife your partner's vagina. 

I stopped all porn use and after a couple of months everything was good to go. I also used a supplement, dopa mucuna, that supports dopamine production in the brain, which is part of what can be affected by habitual porn use. I only took that as a temporary stop gap. 

I can't say for sure that porn is your husband's issue, but it is worth a try. If he uses it a lot and for a long period of time it may take 2 or 3 months of cold turkey to see if it changes anything.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Personal said:


> Here you go, I hope this helps.
> 
> *Psychology Today - January 1, 2022*
> 
> ...


There is a difference between ED and DE (delayed ejaculation). I've had no problem getting an erection. The problem was I could go 30, 40 minutes or more of continuous stimulation and not orgasm. I can say for me personally, stopping porn use corrected this issue.


----------



## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Men - how do us women not take it personal when you can't ejaculate from sex only? This has rarely happened in the morning. Usually, I typically have no problems, starting with a BJ and then finishing with sex but here lately - he's been having a hard time finishing in the morning. He says that it gets too hot and he feels dehydrated. This morning, he had to finish it himself (he didn't leave my side) but its still hard to not take it personal...
> 
> Ladies - how do you handle these situations?


I'll give you a free lesson about men. When men are younger (teens to early adulthood), they cum with their penis; they could be thinking about baseball or their mom for that matter and still cum a few moments after they put it in. As men get older, it gets a little trickier. A lot of them have to cum with their brain (much like women) so if they're not focused, or their mind is on something else, it makes it very tough to finish. Moreover, if they concentrate really hard, but can't get there in that moment, it' lost. Think of your (woman) orgasm, as men get older, they're more like women as far as finishing.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> There is a difference between ED and DE (delayed ejaculation). I've had no problem getting an erection. The problem was I could go 30, 40 minutes or more of continuous stimulation and not orgasm. I can say for me personally, stopping porn use corrected this issue.


I might suggest it to him. Give up the porn for a while and see how it effects it. I've never heard of DE.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I'll give you a free lesson about men. When men are younger (teens to early adulthood), they cum with their penis; they could be thinking about baseball or their mom for that matter and still cum a few moments after they put it in. As men get older, it gets a little trickier. A lot of them have to cum with their brain (much like women) so if they're not focused, or their mind is on something else, it makes it very tough to finish. Moreover, if they concentrate really hard, but can't get there in that moment, it' lost. Think of your (woman) orgasm, as men get older, they're more like women as far as finishing.


That makes sense. There is a lot of crap going on. But then if he has to get himself off and all he's doing is laying there thinking about the girl that he seen in his last porn - he's still thinking...


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> I didn't ask him if it was me - I just asked him if everything was ok and he said he wasn't feeling well....
> 
> He does watch a lot of porn. So that leads me to my next question - why does porn effect your sex life?
> 
> TBH - We never really had this problem when he drank beer. He would have a hard time maintaining an erection but now that he drinks the seltzers - he can't get rid of it at night but mornings have always been fine until here lately.


So why take it personally then? He said it's about him, not you.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

bobert said:


> So why take it personally then? He said it's about him, not you.


Sometimes feelings aren't rooted in reason. 😔 That doesn't mean it's the guy's problem, though. I do NOT think the OP should ask if it's because of her. There's no good answer to that question.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

There are tons of reasons why he may not be able to finish -- stress, (performance) anxiety, too much porn, physical discomfort, etc.. If this happens ALL the time, he needs to see a Dr to see if there is anything physically wrong.

He SHOULD stop porn -- tell him to try that for a month and see if his finish is better.
If he wasn't feeling good, that could EASILY stop things from getting to a happy ending!


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

bobert said:


> So why take it personally then? He said it's about him, not you.


Would you tell your wife if it were her if you don't want to hurt her feelings?


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Would you tell your wife if it were her if you don't want to hurt her feelings?


I have, so yes.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

bobert said:


> I have, so yes.


How does that work? 'I don't like you anymore, I can't ejaculate because of you'?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> I didn't ask him if it was me - I just asked him if everything was ok and he said he wasn't feeling well....
> 
> He does watch a lot of porn. So that leads me to my next question - why does porn effect your sex life?
> 
> TBH - We never really had this problem when he drank beer. He would have a hard time maintaining an erection but now that he drinks the seltzers - he can't get rid of it at night but mornings have always been fine until here lately.


Porn greatly damages a man's ability to have normal sex with a real woman. Yes it will definitely be contributing to this. 
Ask him to stop. You will find a real difference if he does.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> How does that work? 'I don't like you anymore, I can't ejaculate because of you'?


Surely you're not thinking it's you.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Surely you're not thinking it's you.


92% of me isn't.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> 92% of me isn't.


I can dig that.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I can dig that.


Most of me is worried about him, but then the rest just wonders because of everything else.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Mr. Nail said:


> THIS
> 
> Fails to match THIS
> 
> Honestly, if I drank a bottle or three of low grade poison every night before bed, I would expect my body to stop functioning normally.


You aren't wrong. It have my moments of where I wonder what it is that he was thinking about


----------



## kh4OffRoad (9 mo ago)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Men - how do us women not take it personal when you can't ejaculate from sex only? This has rarely happened in the morning. Usually, I typically have no problems, starting with a BJ and then finishing with sex but here lately - he's been having a hard time finishing in the morning. He says that it gets too hot and he feels dehydrated. This morning, he had to finish it himself (he didn't leave my side) but its still hard to not take it personal...
> 
> Ladies - how do you handle these situations?


Have you two simply tried some simple thing first?? Like how about you have him not shoot any rounds off for a few days and then try again. I would also try to switch it up, see if something new brings him faster to O with PIV. Sometimes something very simple like: changing positions. Or you do something different with the carpet. Or leaving your undies on to and pull them to the side for him. Can make him not be able to resist and he will let go of the goods a little bit quicker. Worth a try, h*ll if nothing else you can say you had fun mixing it up! Good luck


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

In your thread about insecurities, your husband is worried that you’re going to the gym to meet men, he’s an alcoholic and smokes weed a lot. (in addition to porn)

I would imagine all of that would contribute to your sex life suffering the way it has been. I think if he stops all of those other things, you’ll probably see an improvement. It’s not like he’s living a healthy lifestyle. And it’s sad that it’s making you feel like it’s your fault, or you’re not enough. 

Does he want to be married? I think that some people just like _the idea_ of marriage but they want to live like they’re not.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> In your thread about insecurities, your husband is worried that you’re going to the gym to meet men, he’s an alcoholic and smokes weed a lot. (in addition to porn)
> 
> I would imagine all of that would contribute to your sex life suffering the way it has been. I think if he stops all of those other things, you’ll probably see an improvement.
> 
> Does he want to be married? I think that some people just like _the idea_ of marriage but they want to live like they’re not.


You aren't wrong. He does want to be married and he loves the idea of it. I think he just has a hard time doing it sometimes. Thank you for noticing all of my other posts. He has been doing a lot better at being a husband. There is just so much more to life that I don't entirely want to plant here but I think it does have an effect on our sex life and everything.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

BigDaddyNY said:


> There is a difference between ED and DE (delayed ejaculation). I've had no problem getting an erection. The problem was I could go 30, 40 minutes or more of continuous stimulation and not orgasm. I can say for me personally, stopping porn use corrected this issue.


I can go indefinitely if i am uncomfortably warm. I just tend to finally stop from exhaustion after she has had numerous orgasms. I get in my cardio and that is a fact. Don't do porn....mine is hormone related changes.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> You aren't wrong. He does want to be married and he loves the idea of it. I think he just has a hard time doing it sometimes. Thank you for noticing all of my other posts. He has been doing a lot better at being a husband. There is just so much more to life that I don't entirely want to plant here but I think it does have an effect on our sex life and everything.


Yea, we are all works in progress and there can be a million little things that pile up to create a big thing. Hope you can both work through it all. As long as he wants to be married and work on things with you, there’s always hope.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> Yea, we are all works in progress and there can be a million little things that pile up to create a big thing. Hope you can both work through it all. As long as he wants to be married and work on things with you, there’s always hope.


I mean to that. He comes from a divorced home of his mother and father and then his mother cheated on the man that raised him with the man that she's with now and I think this is his first real relationship since the split with the mother of his child that happened 12 years ago. He tries. I will give him that.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Divinely Favored said:


> I can go indefinitely if i am uncomfortably warm. I just tend to finally stop from exhaustion after she has had numerous orgasms. I get in my cardio and that is a fact. Don't do porn....mine is hormone related changes.


He's the same way. He will go until I'm good and then stop and we finish in the morning. But this time, he wasn't able to and had to use his hand and we've never had that issue which is what worried me.


----------



## Seems Like Yesterday (9 mo ago)

For porn one item to review is The great porn experiment by Gary Wilson on youtube.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Seems Like Yesterday said:


> For porn one item to review is The great porn experiment by Gary Wilson on youtube.


I will watch it


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> He's the same way. He will go until I'm good and then stop and we finish in the morning. But this time, he wasn't able to and had to use his hand and we've never had that issue which is what worried me.


This happens once In a while (using his hand) and I wouldn't worry about it unless it happens every time. Wishing you luck.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> I can go indefinitely if i am uncomfortably warm. I just tend to finally stop from exhaustion after she has had numerous orgasms. I get in my cardio and that is a fact. Don't do porn....mine is hormone related changes.


Heat does impact me too. And I know what you mean about going to exhaustion, lol. The DE was a blessing and a curse. It was kind of cool at times being able to go seemingly forever. There are more factors than just porn, but for me that was the big one.


----------



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

She claims it doesn’t bother her when I can’t cum or when I lose an erection - age, diabetes, ED - but it bugs the hell outta me.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> You aren't wrong. He does want to be married and he loves the idea of it. I think he just has a hard time doing it sometimes. Thank you for noticing all of my other posts. He has been doing a lot better at being a husband. There is just so much more to life that I don't entirely want to plant here but I think it does have an effect on our sex life and everything.


In case you missed it.

If you actually want a real solution to this, he would do well to visit a medical doctor and give up alcohol and other drugs.

*The Three Reasons Men Mistakenly Think Porn Causes ED*

"Alcohol and other drugs. Alcohol is the world’s leading cause of drug-related sexual impairment. As Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth, alcohol “provokes the desire, but takes away the performance.” The first drink is disinhibiting. Prospective lovers are easier to coax into bed. But if people of average weight drink more than two beers, cocktails, or glasses of wine in an hour or so, alcohol becomes a central nervous system depressant that interferes with erection in men (and sexual responsiveness in all genders). Meanwhile, many people lose their virginity while drunk, and then continue to mix booze and sex, including while self-sexing to porn. Try solo sex sober. You’ll probably experience much less difficulty raising erections—even if you watch lots of porn. Other drugs may also contribute to ED. Ask your doctor or pharmacist if any of the medications you take are among them."

*Viewing Sexual Stimuli Associated with Greater Sexual Responsiveness, Not Erectile Dysfunction*
Nicole Prause, PhD and James Pfaus, PhD


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Personal said:


> In case you missed it.
> 
> If you actually want a real solution to this, he would do well to visit a medical doctor and give up alcohol and other drugs.
> 
> ...


I did mention to him, the drinking, and he didn't disagree with me.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> This happens once In a while (using his hand) and I wouldn't worry about it unless it happens every time. Wishing you luck.


Thank you. We talked about it. He said he's been thinking entirely way too much. We are trying to make babies.


----------



## kh4OffRoad (9 mo ago)

Longtime Hubby said:


> She claims it doesn’t bother her when I can’t cum or when I lose an erection - age, diabetes, ED - but it bugs the hell outta me.


What have you done to treat it?


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Men usually their woman will think ED is because he isnt attracted. And despite the female protesting, as this thread shows, that is exactly what a woman is thinking. Round and round.

I noticed alcohol was mentioned morning and night


Personal said:


> the real reasons usually involve alcohol,


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> Men usually think that the female will think his difficulties are because he isnt attracted. And despite the female protesting, as this thread shows, that is exactly what a woman is thinking. Round and round.
> 
> I noticed alcohol was mentioned morning and night


Yes. And weed. 

We talked about it. He said that he is stressed out because we are trying to have a baby so that's what he thinks about when he's ready and then that kills it. He has no problem with staying erect. It's just getting the job done.


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Thank you. We talked about it. He said he's been thinking entirely way too much. We are trying to make babies.


How exciting making babies  I'm too old for that now and have 2 grown kids and 2 grandchildren lol.


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> How exciting making babies  I'm too old for that now and have 2 grown kids and 2 grandchildren lol.


Right!!! He said that he feels that all of the pressure is on him. I wish that he would just have fun with it. I thought weed was supposed to help you relax!


----------

