# What does your initation look like?



## Ihateusernames (Oct 8, 2015)

I mean you know, like how do you initiate? 

Do you magic lamp? A lil rubbin' down there and expect for there to be sparks? 
Neck nibbling? 
Go straight south? 
Back rub? Head rub? Foot rub? 


Oh, yeah, I'm new.  
20 + yrs married, same guy. 3 kids. He loves BDSM in various forms. I've gone along with it. At times enthusiastically, other times like ughhh. He wants me as Dom, which is difficult, unless I've had afew drinks LOL. At which point, meh, okay. I've always said "get me drunk who knows what'll happen". I'm pretty sure that I could totally rewrite 50 shades and make it better. I should try.... 
BUT 

For the longest time he inititated the most. Lately he's tired and grumpy (work and stress) and I'm the one intiating, which I'm not that great at because I'm usually tired too. And so it usually amounts to rubbage and sometimes a lil toy action.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Mrs.MarriedDudes standard form is to tell me to take may pants off, or some variation of the same. 

Or she'll pull me towards bedroom, office, wherever by my junk.

She has never been shy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Say, babe, you DTF?


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## Ihateusernames (Oct 8, 2015)

Oh I like that. Very demanding. Strip and let's go.


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## Ihateusernames (Oct 8, 2015)

Cletus said:


> Say, babe, you DTF?



Uhhh what's dtf? Should I google? LOL


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Ihateusernames said:


> Uhhh what's dtf? Should I google? LOL


Urban dictionary is your friend.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

*Multiple threads on the same subject. (Violation of TAM rules)

Pick one and stick with it.

Otherwise, mods will delete one of them.*


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I used to initiate by throwing a huge passive aggressive tantrum and then using guilt in every possible form to eventually get her to become receptive for sex.

After wearing out that routine I eventually had to come up with some new ideas, but I still can't believe how many years that approach worked. 

Now, I just hire a maid to clean the house and once she leaves and everything is sparkling and smelling like fresh laundry out of the dryer, I grab my wife and tell her its time to make it messy again! But I make sure to have the coconut oil and vibrator preemptively hidden in an easy to grab spot.

Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> *Multiple threads on the same subject. (Violation of TAM rules)
> 
> Pick one and stick with it.
> 
> Otherwise, mods will delete one of them.*


This move works too on my wife by the way!

I call it the "fog of sexual initiation" in that she gets confused with my multiple fronts, and then I make my move!


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Some how we always start off with a foot rub, that of course requires the removal of her pants and undies, sort of an extended foot rub that seems to make her feet feel better the closer the rubbing gets to her bottom...Go figure...


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## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

With the new term that has come to light and having young ears listening in, I tell my partner I want to "watch Netflix and chill" haha its the easiest way to get him to bed and some privacy. 

If no kids are around though, depending on where he is and what he is doing I might just start nibbling his ears or rubbing him up. If he is asleep I generally just go straight for a blow job. 
He gets the hint


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

After 44 years of marriage, lots of money spent on a sex therapist and a clear agreement as to frequency, communication is fairly efficient. 

Me: a foot rub to see where it leads, a back rub to see where it leads, honey I want to feel close to you tonight, or crawling into bed naked.

Her: I want to snuggle, would you rub my back, do you want to have sex tonight?

Then foreplay, etc.


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## Ihateusernames (Oct 8, 2015)

Cletus said:


> Urban dictionary is your friend.



OOOH Down To Farm! Gotcha! lol 

I'm banking that one. :grin2:


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## Ihateusernames (Oct 8, 2015)

badsanta said:


> This move works too on my wife by the way!
> 
> I call it the "fog of sexual initiation" in that she gets confused with my multiple fronts, and then I make my move!


:rofl::rofl:


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## Ihateusernames (Oct 8, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> *Multiple threads on the same subject. (Violation of TAM rules)
> 
> Pick one and stick with it.
> 
> Otherwise, mods will delete one of them.*


I love the replies on this discussion, but you're right, there are two other discussions on here. I hadn't seen there were two others. I saw the one specific to a poster's so. But didn't see the other one about initiation. 

Totally okay with keeping the discussion on those two:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/294714-who-initiates-love-making.html


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/294394-how-initiate-sex-ld-wife.html

Leave it to me to muddle it up! 
:toast:


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Ihateusernames said:


> I love the replies on this discussion, but you're right, there are two other discussions on here. I hadn't seen there were two others. I saw the one specific to a poster's so. But didn't see the other one about initiation.
> 
> Totally okay with keeping the discussion on those two:
> 
> ...


I thought you asked a unique question not covered specifically in those other two threads. Maybe someone just got a little sand in her clam.


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## Ihateusernames (Oct 8, 2015)

Cletus said:


> I thought you asked a unique question not covered specifically in those other two threads. Maybe someone just got a little sand in her clam.


Ahh I just don't wanna muck it up. I'm new! I cause problems wherever I go. I'm a bad bad girl. > LOL


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

I have two approaches. The first I call the "Zero to sex in 2.5 seconds" approach. We're sitting on the sofa watching tv or something when all of a sudden I lean over, put an arm around her and start kissing, groping, fondling, etc. That approach rarely works.

The second approach is pretty much the exact opposite, very tentative and wishy-washy and lacking confidence, the "Stealth Approach" I guess you can call it. I start off with the slightest hint of physical affection, and if she seems to be interested I escalate slightly, then a little more, for as long as she acts interested. The second I get the feeling that she's not into it and my affection isn't welcome or wanted I back off and drop it. This method doesn't work very well either.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Butt massage.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I just ignore her, look at her, smile, don't smile, touch her anywhere, done touch her.

She still wants some sex.

If I want her to go from zero to 100 in a second, I walk out naked or partially.

I would love for her to initiate with a bj. She would probably get her way more often.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

intheory said:


> Sounds great.


I never said it was great, it's just what I do because I don't know any better.


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## Want2babettrme (May 17, 2013)

badsanta said:


> This move works too on my wife by the way!
> 
> I call it the "fog of sexual initiation" in that she gets confused with my multiple fronts, and then I make my move!


I've always said "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with [email protected]"

When I was married I'd usually say "Do you want to have a date tonight?" If she was in the mood she might say "If we can get the kids to bed at a reasonable time tonight maybe we can do something."

Once when the kids were in half-day preschool she called me at work and said in a very flat voice "The kids are at school. Come home and we'll have sex." Wow, how romantic.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Well since you are Female I'll share how Mrs. Nail initiates. I really don't bother any more, it's much easier just to tell myself no.

3 days in advance, Cooks dinner.
2 days in advance, 2 or three Shoulder touches.
1 day in advance, Touches butt, but claims it doesn't mean anything.
Day of, Changes mind, has headache, or is tired.

I must say I do like a slow build up. But it spoils it when you know it isn't going anywhere.

_follow up: I managed to strike early on "day of" this time. Caught her early before she had time to develop headache. Overcame changed mind._


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

"do you want some honey time?"

"I was hoping you would ask!"


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Ihateusernames said:


> I love the replies on this discussion, but you're right, there are two other discussions on here. I hadn't seen there were two others. I saw the one specific to a poster's so. But didn't see the other one about initiation.
> 
> Totally okay with keeping the discussion on those two:
> 
> ...


No!! @Ihateusernames... That was totally MY bad! Sooooo sorry... I posted my asinine comment on the wrong thread. Leave it to ME to muddle things up! (What a way to welcome a newcomer, huh?) But @badsanta managed to turn it into useful advice anyway! 

So let me start over... Welcome to TAM! :smthumbup:

_(**happy as a clam now slinking away out of embarrassment...*)_


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

Scene: Bedroom - in bed H is sleeping. I'm horny and not sleepy.

Me: get out of bed, close and lock the door, undress and toss clothes on floor, crawl back in bed, take Hs boxers off and mount him.

Wham, bam, thank you.....sir....

fall out of bed (because shaky legs), redress, unlock door, climb back into bed, pass out.....

ETA: I don't normally initiate. My good 'old standby for encouraging sex is not wearing panties to bed. No panties = green light


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Well, a few nights ago, I was waiting for my wife to come into the room after putting our daughter to bed. As soon as she got in bed and cuddled up to me I went to "full attention" which she noticed right away lol. I then proceeded to jump her :grin2:

Otherwise, I usually just give her the look below, which takes care of everything :wink2:


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