# Porn is different now. Potential Problem



## mrbluestars (Mar 2, 2014)

my wife and i have a fulfilling and erotic sex life. On occasion...about once a month...she asks me to orally stimulate her while she views porn. This is incredibly hot! i'd bet any man would kill to be me and I am veeeeery grateful for her.

I occasionally masturbate to porn alone, but I'm a man and I do so to orgasm as soon as possible. I just want to get to sleep or back to whatever I was doing. No music, candles...etc. The object is to get off. Period.

My wife watches a woman have sex with many men....gang bangs. This is very hot for her. I'm all in!!

One day, me wife discovers that I had watched porn. No big deal. But she says that I have hurt her deeply and that I've betrayed our marriage. I explain that I did it because she works nights and I was lonely. It only lasted a minute or two. No way to console her.

A few months go by and she wants to watch porn again while I do my thing for her. She says that "I imagine that it's me. I want to be that girl. That's what gets me off!" I had no idea. I actually thought that it was the same for us both. I thought she was getting off by "watching", just like I do.

I dont want to share my wife and I would not allow other men to have her. I dont want to be a bummer now...with some new sexual limitation. But I really dont want to do this act anymore now that I know she's not thinking of us.

Any advise?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

mrbluestars said:


> One day, me wife discovers that I had watched porn. No big deal. But she says that I have hurt her deeply and that I've betrayed our marriage. I explain that I did it because she works nights and I was lonely. It only lasted a minute or two. No way to console her.


Honestly, she sounds wildly insecure. Unfortunately, there's no easy cure for that. 



> A few months go by and she wants to watch porn again while I do my thing for her. She says that "I imagine that it's me. I want to be that girl. That's what gets me off!" I had no idea. I actually thought that it was the same for us both. I thought she was getting off by "watching", just like I do.
> 
> I dont want to share my wife and I would not allow other men to have her. I dont want to be a bummer now...with some new sexual limitation. But I really dont want to do this act anymore now that I know she's not thinking of us.
> 
> Any advise?



Yes, and here *YOU* are the one who sounds insecure. Fantasy is fantasy. Unless you think she is actually planning on participating in a gangbang, don't take her fantasies personally. *It's not about you. *

How about this: your wife agrees to let you enjoy your porn, and you agree to let her enjoy hers? Would she really argue with that?


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

If that's what she's fantasizing about then i think you should leave it at that. You're doing a wonderful job doing your thing while she watches her porn.

Allow her to enjoy herself and she should be very grateful to you without any of the drama IMHO. Not all fantasies are to be brought into reality


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So if she wants to fantasize "just to get off" that's not okay, but if you want to view porn "just to get off" "because you are a man and want to orgasm as soon as possible" that's okay?

Are you honestly always thinking of your wife every time you masturbate with porn? You aren't ever visually imagining the other women?


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Since watching gang-bang porn is hot for her and she obviously has an interest in this activity, I frankly think was a bit naive for you to think that she didn't fantasize about herself in this middle of it all.

As others have said, it doesn't mean she would do it in real life. 

This might be shocking to think that she likes thinking about herself in that position but why don't you go with the fantasy and tell you exactly what she "wants" and why. Of course, if this is a big turn off for you, then you shouldn't do it but if it takes you out of your comfort zone a bit then maybe this is an exciting thing. By participating with her (and being turned on) in watching this kind of porn, you must generally like the theme or at least be OK with it so this kind of play might be exciting for you.

Maybe you'd like her looking into your eyes and telling you exactly what she wants from a group of guys. Maybe this side of her sexuality is a bit shocking for you. Certainly it's taboo and you can decide if it's "taboo-exciting" or "taboo-don't-go-there"


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Maybe she's upset about your porn because you do it without her? Or were you hiding it? You're sharing intimacy with her while she watches.....that may be the difference in her eyes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

As long as it's fantasy, then no one gets hurt. If she in the future asks if she can be the woman in a gang bang, then you have a problem. 

A fantasy when it's in your mind always has a happy outcome because you control it so everything is fine but it's a different story when it becomes reality because you no longer have the control and the outcome is different.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

She has a double standard - it's okay for her to watch, but it's not for you. I'd call her on this, and not help her with her requests given her lack of tolerance for your needs.


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## mrbluestars (Mar 2, 2014)

*Comment from original poster*

All,

I have to thank you all for your helpful responses. You are all correct and I way off base here.

Her fantasies are hers and I should never intrude on them. I was wrong to dislike her claim that I was betraying her and then almost identically claim the same.

The only matter is that porn stays for both, or porn leaves for both. I think marriage should be a place where your life and liberty increases, not decreases. Sure....it's a weird thing to see your wife getting off to porn now that you know she's not fantasizing about "watching another couple"....she's fantasizing about being the woman getting "fu#####....but that's going to have to be ok with me. I dont want her to view her marriage of a place where she's constrained becasue it will bleed over into other arenas of the relationship.

Besides, what woman watches porn (about 90%) and lets their husband know (about 20%) and wants them to take an open role in their sexual fantasy (about 0.000000001%).

Please pardon the temporary insecurity and thanks for the advice!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

This seems to be kind of a fine line and to me, if she is using it as a simulation, building arousal watching, that is fine, but if I am actively being replaced in her mind, that I am physically getting her off, but to her, I am actually someone else, I have no interest in being anyone but me, and no interest in simply being her masturbation tool, or stand in because she can't have who she really wants.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I agree with Sam above. I'm thinking she might not be so happy with giving you oral while you watch some young hottie and imagine the mouth your feeling is the the girl on the screen and not your wife. I think porn in a marriage if fine but in this case it not bringing you two together its her removing herself from you.


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