# I feel like my wife doesn't love me



## desiretobehappy (Jul 8, 2014)

I am 43 years old and have been married for 17 years. My wife and I were a great couple. When we were younger, I felt like she really loved me. We did everything together. We had great sex, like most everyone does at the beginning. I am a cuddler and we did that a lot as well. She was great. Even after our first child (who is now 13) I always felt like she was in love with me. We have always had some ups and down through the years. We both have our slight issues but nothing that good communication can't fix. Our daughter is 9 years old. Even after she was born, I felt like my wife still loved me. However, I started notice the only time she would touch me or be affectionate was after a few drinks....

.( I'll fast forward ti llabout 3 years ago and the present)

Presently, my wife will never touch me, will never say she loves me and most of the time completely ignores me. I've talked to her about it and she says she doesnt like to kiss and doesn't like me touching her. I annoy her and I feel she has no respect for me. Its been very hard. I love her. I am passionate and she isn't. Crazy thing is about month ago after she came home after a few drinks she basically jumped me and the sex was great. The next morning she acted like it didn't happen. I was so confused. I want to go out on date without the kids and she has no interest. I am lonely. She doesnt like sleeping in the same bed with me. I am in shape and other women find me attractive yet she just doesn't show any interest towards me. All I do is get upset and my self confidence is suffering. I don't want to live like this any more. I love her and my kids but I want a healthy relationship with someone. I feel like a have a lot to offer. My wife just takes me for granted. I am unhappy and want more. I can go on and on.....I don't know what to do


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Does she stay on her smartphone a lot? Anything that you can remember suddenly different about your sex life?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Maybe she is cheating. Check the cell phone bill. 

Why stay married?

Read MMSLP.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

"Crazy thing is about month ago after she came home after a few drinks "

with who? obviously the first thing is to follow all the 'catch a cheater' advice here at TAM. At least to remove that possibility from your mind.

" I annoy her " how so? too clingy? too wimpy?

any other resentments? do you do your share of work with the house and kids? are you working? shower daily? how do both of you spend your time in the house?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Read this book asap: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 | MMSL Primer | By Athol Kay | Married Man Sex Life


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## desiretobehappy (Jul 8, 2014)

She's not cheating. Her whole life is our kids. She did have can emotional affair over email about 3 years ago but blamed it on depression. The guy was hitting on her and she enjoyed the attention. He was much older to. I check the phone. Nothing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does she work outside the home?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

How did you check?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

A emotional affair means she fell out of love with you and checked out of the marriage.

What was done to reconnect and rebuild?


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## desiretobehappy (Jul 8, 2014)

I found an email thread on her email. She didn't think it was that big of a deal. I did and she ended it fast because I was pissed. She just isn't very affectionate and told me so. Nothing I can do. Every 6 months we are good...then the next 6 she's cold especially in the summer when she is home with our kids


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Read the book.


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## desiretobehappy (Jul 8, 2014)

OK. I will


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Read Bagdon

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

If I understand then, you did nothing about the EA, except demand it stop. You didn't address why it happened, and you have chased her about for more affection since. Well now you know that's not going to work. Stop chasing her. You can't change her, without changing what you'll accept. Since you are here in the D section, you must be ready for change. 

Remember D only ends a marriage, it doesn't address the reasons the marriage is not working. Those reasons will carry on to the next relationship if not addressed. 

Here are some reads you can start on today. Read them, see where you stand before your next move. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Robert Glover; No More Mr Nice Guy

Has either one of you pondered marriage counseling?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Sir, I think you have all the issues right.
--You know your wife does not love you.
--You don't realize that it's tied to the EA but now you are being told this.
--You know you want a fulfilling sexual relationship with a woman.
The only thing you are lacking is the courage to offer your wife the choice to be that woman or to step aside.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

All this started when she had the EA? It does not sound like you R. Read about what R is. If you got no true remorse and no atonement than you are rig sweeping. She might still be in contact with OM. cheaters lie and they unusually don't give up OM/OW easily. The affair just goes underground. 

You will have to investigate. One other thing, in your case, you can't take D off the table. She is sure you will not leave no matter how she treats you. You have to come from a place of strength or this will be your relationship for the rest of your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why doesn't she respect you?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## desiretobehappy (Jul 8, 2014)

Catherine602 said:


> All this started when she had the EA? It does not sound like you R. Read about what R is. If you got no true remorse and no atonement than you are rig sweeping. She might still be in contact with OM. cheaters lie and they unusually don't give up OM/OW easily. The affair just goes underground.
> 
> You will have to investigate. One other thing, in your case, you can't take D off the table. She is sure you will not leave no matter how she treats you. You have to come from a place of strength or this will be your relationship for the rest of your life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

desiretobehappy said:


> She's not cheating. Her whole life is our kids. She did have can emotional affair over email about 3 years ago but blamed it on depression. The guy was hitting on her and she enjoyed the attention. He was much older to. I check the phone. Nothing.


So she already has cheated on you, and now is showing one of the MAJOR red flags of a cheater which is to shun the BS sexually and emotionally.

I really think you need to start investigating because it sounds like there may be someone else.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

barbados said:


> So she already has cheated on you, and now is showing one of the MAJOR red flags of a cheater which is to shun the BS sexually and emotionally.
> 
> I really think you need to start investigating because it sounds like there may be someone else.


Totally 100% agree. Investigate.


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