# Is this infidelity?



## britchick85 (May 31, 2016)

This weekend my husband of one year (well, one year this weekend!) went on a friends stag do (bachelor party!) to Berlin. 

First warning sign - the day after he arrived it popped up on my facebook that he had added an American woman as a friend. If she wasn't American I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but as we are from the UK I did wonder how he knew her. I looked at her profile and lo and behold she was in Berlin at the same time. This really bothered me but I tried not to dwell too much as I wanted to trust him.

Got home that evening and I went and found his I-pad as I wanted to use it. What I think he forgot was that his text messages sync to his I-pad and I saw he had also been messaging this woman.

Now, there was nothing overly incriminating in it, but he messaged her the previous night at 1.30am in the morning asking "Are you OK x", and then the following day he messaged her quite a few times asking if she was in Berlin, then in the evening he was asking if she was out and about, where she was etc. So, clearly, wanting to meet up. His phone was very low on battery so the next message I seen was him sending a screenshot of her contact details to a friend he was with - obviously so he could continue contacting her once his battery had died.

I was so upset sat at home on my own, obviously assuming the worst.

Anyway - fast forward to him returning home the next day. I didn't want to bring it up without knowing more - so I waited until he'd gone outside for a cigarette and looked on his actual phone (as ipad only syncs imessahes, which only work when connected to internet). There was nothing else on there.

So, I asked him who this woman was and he was obviously surprised.

Long story short, he was apologetic for how it made me feel but said he did nothing wrong, it was just a nice group of girls and they wanted to meet up with them the following night. He said they didn't even meet up with them. He also made up some BS story about one of the women having his friends jumper so they wanted to get it back.

Am I wrong for being so so hurt about this? I don't think he slept with her or anything, but he swapped numbers with a woman on a night out and went out of his way to try to see her again. He is a married man. 

How would anyone else feel??

Also, please don't judge that I snooped on his messages. This is not something I would normally do but alarm bells were ringing.


----------



## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Your concern is reasonable. How old is your husband? Why a batchelor party in another country? 

I think the whole hole idea was dumb to begin with, and was asking for trouble and now it as found it in your marriage. It is time fir your husband to grow up and remove his head from his butt. 

Do you have each other's passwords? If not, why not. You are sharing each others bed, home, bathroom and bodies but passwords are to personal? 

He has hurt you by bringing uncertianity into your marriage. It is 2x4 time on your part. One of the characteristics of a successful marriage is two people knowing how to fight.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Since your H was initially deceptive in his  modus operandi , insofar as making this out-of-country "trip," his original lie by omission to you, in and of itself, was nothingmore than good, old-fashioned deception!

Now for a mathematics equation:

D = I​

In layman's language, always remember that Deception = Infidelity! Plain and simple!

No one secretly travels away to some foreign venue to "meet up" with an opposite-sex person, under the guise of a lie and summarily keeps their pants on! If you believe that, then I'd be most happy to sell you a foot bridge from Long Beach to Australia!

And as far as how you came to find out about this "inadvertent" deception and betrayal of his, do not be overly concerned regarding "ethics" in the matter, greatly keeping in mind that, "all is fair in love and war!"

That is simply the "checks and balances" within a marriage!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Yes. And why did you mention the time of 1:30AM? Because you know it's shady as hell. 

Asking her is she was ok is a BIG RED FLAG. Means something between them.

Your husband lost any and all right to have any female friends. He lost all right to any locked password on electronics. 
The woman needs to be BLOCKED as well as anyone from the group. And going forward you need to tell him this will be the last time he ever crosses a boundary. If you don't lay down a heavy hammer now then forget it. 

Now, you blew this opportunity but you could have typed a message on his ipad and see how she responded  I'd snoop and see what he's sent her after you talked to him about it, assuming he did not delete it.

Most likely scenario? He shagged her. I'd bet a pay check on it


----------



## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

You should not feel sorry for checking his phone and other accounts. You are Married to him so there is no "privacy invading". 

Maybe he did cheat,maybe he didnt but he definitely crossed boundaries. He is married man so why did he go out with girls to have some fun! 

What bothers me so much is that you two are only married for one year and he goes to separate vacation. Would be much better for both of you if he took you with him. You could have a nice time and maybe five-ten years down the road you could laugh about your time spend together. 

Talk with him and let him know his behaviour is hurting you. Ask him how would he feel if he was in your shoes!

Stay strong.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Be smart said:


> You should not feel sorry for checking his phone and other accounts. You are Married to him so there is no "privacy invading".
> 
> Maybe he did cheat,maybe he didnt but he definitely crossed boundaries. He is married man so why did he go out with girls to have some fun!
> 
> ...


*Provided that "actions speak louder than words," it's so much more than apparent that he just doesn't give a rats a$$!

That is, only until such time that he gets caught! And then his only remorse is not really his cheating regimen, but much rather that he got caught red-handed at it!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## britchick85 (May 31, 2016)

Thanks all for your replies! I guess I agree with what everyone has been saying!

John A - we are both 30 and have been together since we were 17 (so only just coming up to one year anniversary but we have been together for 13!).

Re: going away and why would he chose to do that, well it was his good friends Bachelor party and it's pretty common in the UK to go abroad.


He has not messaged this girl since, and he deleted her - because I asked - from Facebook. 

What he was saying was that they all jjust chatted and they were a nice group of girls so they swapped numbers to meet up the following night. He genuinely seems to be believe that this is OK. I absolutlely went mental (obviously) and said it was totally inappropriate and hurtful and he needs to remember that he is a MARRIED MAN now. We're not just 2 kids casually dating.

He apologises, but it's more "I'm sorry I've hurt you" rather than "I am sorry for what I did"


----------



## britchick85 (May 31, 2016)

Also, we do have each others passwords/pincodes etc. so he's unbelievably stupid to think I wouldn't find out.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

At best, he got a little smitten with some girls he and his mates met while out and about. Made him feel like he was single again. Not cool, obviously, but it is what it is.

I also assume his Facebook indicates that he is married? Or at the very least it has 17 years worth of photos of the two of you. I'm not sure a man who's looking for a side chick would be adding her on Facebook, where everything is there to see.

I wouldn't be too worried about this, OP, but I would be upset at the lack of boundaries.

Side note - for those of you North Americans who are making a deal out him leaving the country for a bachelor party, realize that mainland Europe is very well connected and people often travel to other countries for even just weekends. It's not only affordable, it's extremely easy to do. You can fly from London to Berlin in less than 2 hours for probably $100 US or so. No different than a weekend trip to Vegas.


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Is this infidelity ? Not likely, but not impossible either. Definitely poor judgement on his part and very loosey goosey boundaries on both your parts.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

JohnA said:


> Your concern is reasonable. How old is your husband? Why a batchelor party in another country?
> 
> I think the whole hole idea was dumb to begin with, and was asking for trouble and now it as found it in your marriage. It is time fir your husband to grow up and remove his head from his butt.
> 
> ...


People in the UK often go to foreign countries for stag/hen does. Best not to read anything into that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Be smart said:


> You should not feel sorry for checking his phone and other accounts. You are Married to him so there is no "privacy invading".
> 
> Maybe he did cheat,maybe he didnt but he definitely crossed boundaries. He is married man so why did he go out with girls to have some fun!
> 
> ...


It wasn't a separate vacation it was a stag weekend for a friend who is getting married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

He has cheated or is cheating. Your suspicions are all correct.


----------



## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

Adding to Facebook wasn't all that odd, but swapping numbers was a huge boundary violation.

I don't think that married people should be creating those kinds of direct lines of contact with people of the opposite sex unless it is for the normal course of business.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He might not have cheated. THIS time.

But he may in future. Sorry. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> He has cheated or is cheating. Your suspicions are all correct.


Before I started reading all these stories on infidelity, I would have said this is jumping to conclusions. And, it is. Yet, it seems like a very good jump to me, based on what I have read.
A married guy and his friends do not just hangout with a group of "fun" girls unless there is more going on.
MY GF would not like it one bit and would be correct that it is inappropriate.

Maybe OP should start cultivating some " fun" male friends to hang out with and see how this guy likes it.


----------



## britchick85 (May 31, 2016)

That's OK MattMatt I appreciate everyone's honest opinions! 

I think for me unfortunately, even if I chose to believe him, the sheer fact he swapped numbers with someone at all is just really hurtful.

Maybe I should have mentioned earlier, it wouldn't be the first time something like this has happened (messages, but no concrete evidence of actual physical cheating) so probably won't be the last. Always before we were married. Must be daft to think he wouldn't do it now he's got a ring on it - a leopard can't change his spots!


----------



## britchick85 (May 31, 2016)

Thank you Maxo - I think if it was the first time it had happened I would have thought I was over reacting. But unfortunately its not, it's happened about 4 or 5 other times in the course of our 13 year relationship.


----------



## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

britchick85 said:


> Thank you Maxo - I think if it was the first time it had happened I would have thought I was over reacting. But unfortunately its not, it's happened about 4 or 5 other times in the course of our 13 year relationship.


NO spouse would like this and there is something wrong with a man who does not understand this.
Typically, this type of person uses the "best defense is an offense" technique and tries to turn things around on you with the old " your mind is in the gutter" deal or " just because you would not be able to resist temptation, do not project your propensities on me " types of arguments.
Ask him if you can start hanging out, while you are out of town, with a bunch of "fun guys". His is full of shyte and is trolling.


----------



## britchick85 (May 31, 2016)

The thing is, I am such an easy going wife, and person in general. If I had found out inadvertently at some point that they had spent some time chatting to a group of women I wouldn't have thought much of it. But it's the swapping numbers / adding her on facebook and trying to meet up the following evening that was hurtful/wrong/inappropriate/disrespectful, and this also made me think he was going to try it on with this woman.


----------



## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

britchick85 said:


> This weekend my husband of one year (well, one year this weekend!) went on a friends stag do (bachelor party!) to Berlin.





arbitrator said:


> *Since your H was initially deceptive in his  modus operandi , inasfar as making this out-of-country "trip," his original lie to you, in and of itself, was nothingmore than good, old-fashioned deception!
> 
> [SNIP]
> 
> ...


It was a friends stag (bachelor) weekend and she knew about it in advance nor did he "secretly" travel away to a foreign venue to ""meet up"" under the guise of a lie.

I don't believe that anyone flies to Berlin, or any of the popular eastern European destinations for that matter, to have a fun lads only weekend. If he went for the stag weekend it should have been with his friend and not taking the opportunity to chase girls he met while there. 

However you completely changing what the OP wrote in an attempt to escalate the thread to something else doesn't help anyone here.


----------



## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

britchick85 said:


> Thank you Maxo - I think if it was the first time it had happened I would have thought I was over reacting. But unfortunately its not, it's happened about 4 or 5 other times in the course of our 13 year relationship.


You've let this behavior go 4 or 5 times already? I'm afraid you need to look inwards here. Why do you think it's OK for him to behave like this with no consequences? 



britchick85 said:


> The thing is, I am such an easy going wife, and person in general. If I had found out inadvertently at some point that they had spent some time chatting to a group of women I wouldn't have thought much of it. But it's the swapping numbers / adding her on facebook and trying to meet up the following evening that was hurtful/wrong/inappropriate/disrespectful, and this also made me think he was going to try it on with this woman.


I think you may be right. Now what are you going to do about it. There is a big difference between being "an easy going wife" and being a doormat that he can trample on and disrespect. Being on a stag weekend doesn't mean he's single again, it should mean that he is the one to keep somewhat sober and ensure that the groom gets home safely.

I know that many stag weekends go abroad (I'm an ex-pat Brit) but very few stag weekends went to Amsterdam to study the canals and windmills or to Berlin to pay respects at the remains of the wall he should have left with the dire consequences of his actions echoing in his head.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> He might not have cheated. THIS time.
> 
> But he may in future. Sorry.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now begins the year or two detective action..re-action.

He brought the mistrust to your marriage.

Do not think, for a moment, that he has NOT done this sniffing and grooming with OTHER women, prior to this incident
His pump is primed and ready to squirt...into the inter-changeable VeeJay. Yes, I said it. There are women on TAM that believe this to their core. I agree.

I hate this. I have seen this behavior for over 55 years. Many men and women are loyal..many are not. 

What are the latest fidelity stats? One large one says that 22% of men will cheat at least once in their marriage. Women are at 14%.

In these polls some people will never admit the sordid truth. The numbers are likely higher. What incentive would there be to tell the pollster the truth? 

Truth, [that is admitted to] has a way of coming back to you. It really is better to keep quiet. Hence the inaccuracy of this type of polling.

Me, I would add ten points to each gender. Especially, if an emotional affair [EA] is factored in.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

WonkyNinja said:


> It was a friends stag (bachelor) weekend and she knew about it in advance nor did he "secretly" travel away to a foreign venue to ""meet up"" under the guise of a lie.
> 
> I don't believe that anyone flies to Berlin, or any of the popular eastern European destinations for that matter, to have a fun lads only weekend. If he went for the stag weekend it should have been with his friend and not taking the opportunity to chase girls he met while there.
> 
> However you completely changing what the OP wrote in an attempt to escalate the thread to something else doesn't help anyone here.


*Yes or No!

Was there not the least presence of "deception" in his rationale for having to make this trip, presenting it as an innocent guy get-together, then giving off the aura of the possibility of playing hanky-panky from his covert FB, whereby he gave and received his contact info with this woman?

Trust me, that act, in and of itself, is certainly not indicative of inviting her over for tea and crumpets, even with you present!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Maxo said:


> Before I started reading all these stories on infidelity, I would have said this is jumping to conclusions. And, it is. Yet, it seems like a very good jump to me, based on what I have read.
> A married guy and his friends do not just hangout with a group of "fun" girls unless there is more going on.
> MY GF would not like it one bit and would be correct that it is inappropriate.
> 
> Maybe OP should start cultivating some " fun" male friends to hang out with and see how this guy likes it.


I've seen it so many times. It's textbook. When it comes to cheating, when there's smoke, there's always fire. I wish it wasn't that way but it's not. If a spouse is concerned enough even to come here and ask then there's a 99.9999% chance there is cheating going on. I'd say 100% but I'm still a .0001% optimist. :grin2:


----------



## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> I've seen it so many times. It's textbook. When it comes to cheating, when there's smoke, there's always fire. I wish it wasn't that way but it's not. If a spouse is concerned enough even to come here and ask then there's a 99.9999% chance there is cheating going on. I'd say 100% but I'm still a .0001% optimist. :grin2:


Yes it is amazing how betrayed spouses that were never, historically, jealous or suspicious, suddenly develop these feelings. And, some folks actually believe that a betrayed spouse, when acting on these, has just , magically, changed into a nutty, paranoid, jealous spouse, when nothing in his or her background would indicate a proclivity for this.
The WS, typically, uses the betrayed's doubts about what he or she is perceiving to augment the gaslighting, as well as to aid the cheater in the inevitable smear campaign that will take place to the WS's friends and family: " See, he/she is a jealous, paranoid, suspicious spouse, so , I had to get out. Fortunately, and coincidentally, I just happened to run into the new love of my life within days of the separation."


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

britchick85 said:


> Thanks all for your replies! I guess I agree with what everyone has been saying!
> 
> John A - we are both 30 and have been together since we were 17 (so only just coming up to one year anniversary but we have been together for 13!).
> 
> ...


Honestly?

Throw him out. 

He's still acting 17 and not 30.

Or do you want to deal with this at 40?


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Whether it's 'infidelity' or not isn't really the point here. Personally, I would call it infidelity, but others might not. I mean, he texted her an X, right? That's a kiss. And in cheatspeak, when someone kisses an AP it almost always means they had sex too. Anyway.

He acted in a manner that was totally inappropriate for a married man. The fact he seems sorry only that he got caught isn't good either. You and he need to have a VERY serious discussion about what exactly being married entails. I also suggest the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

britchick85 said:


> That's OK MattMatt I appreciate everyone's honest opinions!
> 
> I think for me unfortunately, even if I chose to believe him, the sheer fact he swapped numbers with someone at all is just really hurtful.
> 
> Maybe I should have mentioned earlier, it wouldn't be the first time something like this has happened (messages, but no concrete evidence of actual physical cheating) so probably won't be the last. Always before we were married. Must be daft to think he wouldn't do it now he's got a ring on it - a leopard can't change his spots!


Oh! Oh, bu**ery Bo**ocks! 

A little entitled prince.

I think you need to threaten to rearrange the princeling's crown jewels. 

I wonder if counselling might help? Though He'd have to admit to what he'd done before this could have a chance of working.

You might need to get checked for STDs. And tell him you are getting checked in order for him to see how he has destroyed your trust in him.

And check out the idea of a lie detector.

Or have him exposed as a love rat on the Jeremy Kyle Show?


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

My husband goes on trips abroad with the lads twice a year. 
He has never swapped numbers & added girls on FB, the reason he doesn't is because he knows if any crap like that happens, there will be consequences, serious consequences. 


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Do you have a guy corworker you can start texting a lot? Make it obvious to your husband your doing so. Nothing sexual but enough to make your husband have to ask you about it. Then you can stop because once he asks you already know he's concerned....

While it sound childish, this is a VERY effective method. Mirroring this kind of behavior is the only way to get the message across.

The whole, "how would you feel if I did it" thing doesn't work. Let them feel the pinch and do it right back to them.

DO NOT back off on the zero female friends boundary. You need to spell it out. Your marriage needs ironclad boundaries. He sess you as in comfort mode.



britchick85 said:


> Thanks all for your replies! I guess I agree with what everyone has been saying!
> 
> John A - we are both 30 and have been together since we were 17 (so only just coming up to one year anniversary but we have been together for 13!).
> 
> ...


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

WonkyNinja said:


> It was a friends stag (bachelor) weekend and she knew about it in advance nor did he "secretly" travel away to a foreign venue to ""meet up"" under the guise of a lie.
> 
> *I don't believe that anyone flies to Berlin, or any of the popular eastern European destinations for that matter, to have a fun lads only weekend.* If he went for the stag weekend it should have been with his friend and not taking the opportunity to chase girls he met while there.
> 
> However you completely changing what the OP wrote in an attempt to escalate the thread to something else doesn't help anyone here.


Yes they bloody do! And Madrid. And Dublin.

And do some men chat up women on hen does at these venues? Sadly, some do.


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Yes they bloody do! And Madrid. And Dublin.
> 
> And do some men chat up women on hen does at these venues? Sadly, some do.


You wouldn't believe what I've seen some women do on some hen do's  

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

If this happend to me and my Lady went to hen party to another City or another Country then proceed to talk with some man,swap phone numbers,add him on facebook I would be so mad and she will have to do a lot of explaining.

If she tried to blame me because I am "control freak" I would help her pack her bags. 

Just ask him how would he react if you do all of this things. 

You have poor boundaries and only talking with each other could help you. He is immature and still dont know what Married life is,sorry.

Stay strong.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

britchick85 said:


> The thing is, I am such an easy going wife, and person in general. If I had found out inadvertently at some point that they had spent some time chatting to a group of women I wouldn't have thought much of it. But it's the swapping numbers / adding her on facebook and trying to meet up the following evening that was hurtful/wrong/inappropriate/disrespectful, and this also made me think he was going to try it on with this woman.


Yes, when you put it in chronological order like this...your H was on the hunt.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I might tend to believe him if it weren't for the 'are you OK?' message.


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

britchick85 said:


> Now, there was nothing overly incriminating in it, but he messaged her the previous night at 1.30am in the morning asking "Are you OK x", and then the following day he messaged her quite a few times asking if she was in Berlin, then in the evening he was asking if she was out and about, where she was etc. So, clearly, wanting to meet up. His phone was very low on battery so the next message I seen was him sending a screenshot of her contact details to a friend he was with - obviously so he could continue contacting her once his battery had died.
> 
> Am I wrong for being so so hurt about this? I don't think he slept with her or anything, but he swapped numbers with a woman on a night out and went out of his way to try to see her again. He is a married man.
> 
> ...


Career woman here, 36 years married (first marriage for the both of us), & dated my husband when I was 18 in college. My husband has never cheated on me as I would not tolerate it. I would be gone if he ever did. He knows the consequences and he has the same outlook as I have. So, rules for him goes for me as well.

Your husband has a high interest in this woman. He asks "are you ok"? What did he do? He texts her many times and left a contact number for her to reach him. He also ask for her whereabouts. There is more to this relationship than what meets the eye. 

You have grave reasons to be concerned. You are only married one year. Be diligent in your observations. He's not telling you everything. I am sandwiched between two cheating brothers. My advice to you is to trust your guts..."Where there's smoke, there's fire!".


----------



## britchick85 (May 31, 2016)

Thanks once again everyone. Nothing more has been mentiojned this week - I don't have the energy to hear the BS and he carries on as normal. Guess I need to bite the bullet as I can't go on living under a lie. I actually think I might feel better if he just said he did have feelings for her and he was sorry? But the rubbish about just being a nice girl and not being attracted to her-pull the other one.


----------



## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

This is your opportunity to build a good foundation for your Marriage but remember you cant do it by yourself. It takes two and if he refuses to talk with you then you know where you stand.


----------



## tryingpatience (May 7, 2014)

What he did was out of line. He's opening doors and you just don't do that in a committed relationship. Your gut is telling you something. You better follow it or you'll have regrets. Also, if he doesn't understand how hurtful it is then there are boundary issues in your relationship.


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

britchick85 said:


> Thanks once again everyone. Nothing more has been mentiojned this week - I don't have the energy to hear the BS and he carries on as normal. Guess I need to bite the bullet as I can't go on living under a lie. I actually think I might feel better if he just said he did have feelings for her and he was sorry? But the rubbish about just being a nice girl and not being attracted to her-pull the other one.


The first year in our marriage, my husband & I attended a wedding whereby, I could visibly see that he was attracted to one of my friends. He even commented on how unusual she looked. Like you, I bit my tongue, but never took my husband to parties where that friend was present. I sacrificed that friendship to keep my husband in place.

That stayed in my mind for 36 years! This year, I spoke to my husband about that incident. He said that he was sorry that I was hurt. He justified that he made the comment to make me feel good about my friends. BS! I took many courses in marriage & family counselling. The roving eye of young men cannot be taken for granted! He was 24 years old at that time; now 60 years of age.

Just to let you know, I do not attend bachelorette's parties nor my husband in bachelor's parties. We relegate that to single folks. My husband has been the best man for my younger brother. In respect to me, my brother did not hold a bachelor's party.

We are married now for 36 years and neither has cheated. This is because we remove ourselves from situations where we are tempted to cheat. You must lay the foundation of a strong marriage. Your husband cannot be trusted in bachelor's parties as demonstrated by his actions. Lay your boundaries now!


----------



## affaircoach (Jun 4, 2016)

I certainly think you did the right thing by confronting the situation. Too many warning signs: overseas on business trip, facebooking another woman, 1:30am, and text messages.

As someone who has personally gone down this same road, it may be innocent at first but it later could turn into a full blown affair.

Going forward, I believe you should both talk about it, be transparent and set appropriate boundaries which might include password access, looking at phone, etc.


----------



## DeadEyedSuburbanite (Apr 19, 2016)

Your husband's actions are dodgy as hell. Have you asked him how he would feel if the situation was reversed? I can't imagine he would like it much if you did this.


----------



## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Polygraph.... 

I feel you are rugsweeping. That will only open you up to more/worse pain later. 

Good luck Honey.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

britchick85 said:


> Also, we do have each others passwords/pincodes etc. so he's unbelievably stupid to think I wouldn't find out.


did you keep her name and contact. Contact her and see what happened, a married man doesn't fix 'dates' with another woman. Don't let him off so easily.

Tell her you are pregnant - the sympathy card


----------

