# What Makes a Relationship Work Part 1 (Communication)



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

What Makes a Relationship Work Part 1 (Communication)



I will say what I have always said, you need to communicate well in a relationship for it to work well. Open communication can build the foundation for a great relationship. But communication is more than just talking to your partner. Communication cannot only strengthen what you have, but the lack of it often spells doom for a relationship.



The most important thing to a marriage or relationship was Communication by 42% It beat out love, romance, kindness, sex, matching libidos, support & understanding, money, similar religious beliefs, laughter, morals, trust, in-laws, faithfulness, and having fun.




Most people think that communication is just about talking. It isn’t just talking, it is being able to listen to your spouse or partner too. It really doesn’t matter how well someone talks if the other doesn’t pay enough attention to what is being said. Patience is a virtue to listening. Don’t cut off what people have to say to make your point “more right” than theirs. Listening helps intellectually and emotionally in relationships. Listening helps to build trust since your partner knows that you hear their worries and concerns.



Often we say things without uttering a word. How our bodies move are tell tale signs to things we are not saying. Does the person look you in the eyes? That is a clear sign they are interested yet if the same person is looking down it can mean they are uncomfortable, below you, or feel unworthy. After all the eyes are the keys to the soul. As I could do an entire section on body language maybe I will touch on this at some other time.



Knowing if someone is right handed or left handed can help you figure out how to better communicate with your partner. Right handed people are logical thinkers. Using logic makes more sense to them. Left handed people use the right side of their brain more and are normally the creative/abstract thinkers. It is easy to paint a picture of what you want them to know than expect them to understand because it is common sense.




Through communications you need to set boundaries. You can only set boundaries if you can speak well and listen well. Boundaries and knowing what your spouse thinks is acceptable and can save you from having to have relationship repair.

You have to accept what your partner is saying as the truth and respect their opinion. You can’t just give lip service to something and expect them to continue to communicate with you if they have no faith in you.

Through communication you need to share what is going on with you, within you and even the mundane things. If your partner isn’t interested in the various parts of your life then it might be a sign of things to work on. Now don’t expect the wife to be interested in the dual over head cam you installed in your car but she should at least share in your excitement that you did it.




Through communication you can repair a damaged relationship. 



Most arguments are not because people disagree but rather they can't or will not compromise or they can't understand what the other wants.



Good negotiations can be a win-win and further helps with communication later on, plus builds trust. Getting too emotional can often sabotage any discussion because it can come across as weakness, rage or manipulation. That is not to say that you can’t discuss emotional needs however.

Arguing is the worst way to try to get a point across. Most of the time you escalate your voice and try to trump what the other person is saying so that in the end you say hurtful things just to get your point across even if you don’t really mean it.



Be careful of baiting. These often get short term effects but tend to wear out their welcome. “If you loved me you would…”



Avoid the pitfalls of communication where you think you can read the other persons mind. Taking what you or they are saying for granted. Blaming your significant other for the break down of communications, after all you can start to fix it whenever you want to start to put the effort back into it. Never use threats of physical violence, or act in rage. Never agree to things you don’t want to do. Never try to act like a psychologist and figure out their problems. Sometimes they just need someone they can vent to. 



If things are getting heated take ten minutes away. Collect your thoughts and what you really want to say. Maybe you need to say it slightly different so they will understand.



I have always said each person can communicate in 1001 ways. You need to find the best one for your significant other. Furthermore help them to be able to find the best match for you.



Never stop trying a different way of learning to communicate.



draconis


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