# Marital Infidelity with married partner prior to relationship start



## notagain3 (Aug 11, 2012)

So I guess I'm the product of my wife's marital infidelity in my last marriage. I'm appalled that a person could enter into an affair with a married partner. I'm currently in a 2 year relationship with a woman that I thought was near perfect for me. Last evening at dinner she confided in me that she had an affair while separated from her husband with a married man. It really threw me for a curve. I could hardly look at her. She justified her actions with he paid attention to me. She said that her husband had not made her feel like a woman for such a long time. I don't know what to do. I'm so in love with her but I really have questions now. What should I think, what should I do?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

This seems a common theme - you don't confess something you are a liar, you do you are untrustworthy anyways. There's no winning there.

Would you be more upset if she hadn't told you and you'd found out later? She obviously thought that at this stage of your relationship she could confide the truth in you. Perhaps you should appreciate her honesty. 

Why does the OM being married make a difference or not to how you feel about the situation? If she'd had an affair and the OM wasn't married, it would have been fine? If she was separated, but not divorced she was still indeed, married herself, wasn't she? Why are you placing all the blame on her, and not equally on the OM - he was indeed the one "actively" married, wasn't he? 

Your girlfriend is divorced, obviously you knew something had gone wrong there - what did you think it was? 

If you have questions, you should discuss them with her, and talk about it. You should be honest in saying it gives you concerns. If you want this relationship to work, perhaps consider going to talk it through with a counselor.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Discuss it with her. If you can't get over it within a week, then I'd say let this one go. (Yes, even though you are so in love with her.)

If you can't get over what she revealed now.. You won't get over it in the future. You will keep going back to this conversation in your mind.. years down the road & you will wonder if she has it in her to cheat on you. 

If you are insecure about her feelings for you, your mind will come back to this time & time & time again. It will cause fights & rifts in your future.

Again, if it doesn't bother you after a week , great!!.. But if you're not over it... seems like you probably never will be. 

** Sorry** that is just my opinion.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Huge red flag. I'm sure her H has a different version of the same story. Having an affair with a married man instead of someone single should tell you something about her. And she doesn't even feel bad or regret it!! You should seriously re-evaluate the relationship.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

There is no right or wrong answer with what you should "think or do." It's ultimately up to you. I would just be honest with her with what is going through your mind and how you are feeling. Communication is key.


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## ReturnOfTheKitty (Aug 11, 2012)

You should walk away.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Long term marriages have their ups and downs. I would be concerned that she was justifying it with an I needed attention excuse. Before you continue talk to her. Find out how she felt about what she was doing to her husband and the other mans wife.

If she continues to justify then I personally would walk away. If things hit a low in the marriage I'd be worried she'd do it to me.

If she really felt bad about her actions and the reactions her actions caused then see what you can deal with.

Why did she confess this to you? Was it because she felt bad about it? Only you and she know the answer to that.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

HaHa Lady Frog, you and I posted almost the same thing at the same time.

And Jello exists for wrestling.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Run forrest RUN!!!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

notagain3 said:


> So I guess I'm the product of my wife's marital infidelity in my last marriage. I'm appalled that a person could enter into an affair with a married partner. I'm currently in a 2 year relationship with a woman that I thought was near perfect for me. Last evening at dinner she confided in me that she had an affair while separated from her husband with a married man. It really threw me for a curve. I could hardly look at her. *She justified her actions with he paid attention to me. She said that her husband had not made her feel like a woman for such a long time. *I don't know what to do. I'm so in love with her but I really have questions now. What should I think, what should I do?


Wow. This would be a severe disappointment. Very hard to just turn off those feelings but hey. Be thankful. You dodged a bullet. Run away.

Since you already were married to a cheater you should do everything in the world to avoid marrying another cheater. We should learn from our experiences.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Starstarfish said:


> This seems a common theme - you don't confess something you are a liar, you do you are untrustworthy anyways. There's no winning there.
> 
> Would you be more upset if she hadn't told you and you'd found out later? She obviously thought that at this stage of your relationship she could confide the truth in you. Perhaps you should appreciate her honesty.
> 
> ...


Being an affair partner of a married person is an indication of very low character. So her cheating with a married man is a double down whammy.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

My views on dating changed. I think of it as a person auditioning for the perfect part in my life. You are not married to her, have no children. I would run. Run away as fast as you can. Chalk up the two years as a learning lesson that you wouldn't accept infidelity if the person isn't remorseful and find another.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Writer said:


> My views on dating changed. I think of it as a person auditioning for the perfect part in my life. You are not married to her, have no children. I would run. Run away as fast as you can. Chalk up the two years as a learning lesson that you wouldn't accept infidelity if the person isn't remorseful and find another.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

This is exactly correct. Dating is fun but it is an audition. Next .....


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

keko said:


> Run forrest RUN!!!


LOL!!! First hard chuckle I've had in quite a while :smthumbup:


But Keko is right.......... just run. 

You'll walk/run thru the next relationship so much better without those danged leg braces anyway!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

And did you ask her, how she was going to treat you differently when you didn't please her?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Shaggy said:


> And did you ask her, how she was going to treat you differently when you didn't please her?


Her honesty is commendable, but her continued justification of the situation is troubling. 

So I would ask her what shaggy suggested..


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

You got cheated on, you know the drill. This one at least was honest about it. But if she is still justifying that crap you know what to expect. As soon as she is bored with you she will find a new man and then rationalize some bullsh*t excuse on the why. 

I've observed women with cheating behavior and they seem to find excuses for it after they are already cheating and not before. That's why many guys only hear the complaints AFTER they find out about the affair. 

Just find another woman before you get done over again.


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