# Would you have moved on?



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

I mean moved on as in forgiven-parked.....
three-plus years ago my OH discovered I had masturbated when he was upstairs sleeping in another room because I had a cold. It was, honestly, not being horny merely wanting to get to sleep. Needless to say a lot's gone under the bridge since then but it still comes up. Trust (his ex caused him huge problems in that dept & I said I couldn't tell a lie so when I did, once, about one subject - the masturbation - all hell broke loose) I don't try to defend myself on the lying/trust stuff, I just wonder how long it's going to take & what it's going to take to get past/over it. Our engagement broken off (ring in bank box), much much more. Sometimes I think he's moved on, then something happens and it comes up again. 
I've probably shortened this too much to make sense but I'd welcome thoughts anyway, & I'll fill in anything anyone wants more on.


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

When you lie to someone your breaking that perfect trust they have for you. With time he might forget but you have lied to him , no matter what it is you have lied. That puts the thoughts in his head if your lieing about anything else. =/


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## denisa (Mar 9, 2010)

I AGREE WITH Carefulthoughts LIE IS NOT GOOD IN THIS SITUATION 

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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Let me get this straight. You masterbated while in a separate bed (for a legitimate reason) and it nearly ended your engagement? THREE YEARS later and it's still an issue? Am I missing something?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Yes it is time to move on. To another partner.

Either your lies are more abundant and bigger than having masturbated, or his trust issues are more abundant and bigger than you are ever going to be able to overcome.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

cody5 said:


> Let me get this straight. You masterbated while in a separate bed (for a legitimate reason) and it nearly ended your engagement? THREE YEARS later and it's still an issue? Am I missing something?


Well clearly there's a whole bunch more happened in our lives than that, but on that subject I've told most.... he might say I neglected to mention that we had a kind of 'pact' (because we were living apart by necessity for quite some time) that neither of us would, and that I did & he didn't....he'd also raise my previous sexual history, which he's never got to grips with; he'd point out that shortly after getting engaged - nb it's definitely not on now! - my sex drive dipped hugely.... That's trying to put his thoughts without mentioning any of my own. 
Were my lies more abundant? Well unless you call not mentioning something a neighbour/friend told me she might be pregnant, because she at that point she didn't know, that later caused a ruck too; but unless you call that lying, no I've never lied about anything else. 
Ex-wife fooled him into thinking they were trying to get pregnant whilst continuing to take the pill, & had an affair (which he subsequently did) so trust yes is a big thing for him. I understand that, I just don't know at what point it might come back, or what I have to do to achieve it.


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## Croaker (Feb 20, 2010)

I'd say you need to have a really big, frank, up-front discussion with him.

First of all, he needs to let it go. You had a cold, you needed some relief, you wanted to get to sleep, and you never did it again. It's a little crummy, but whatever.

Second of all, you should show him you're sorry. Ask him what would make up for it, and do it, willingly...but you're only required to do it once. You screwed up once, you make it up to him once. Get a stripper pole, wear a schoolgirl outfit, whatever he's been wanting to do that you've not been wild about.

After that, he needs to drop it, forever. Or he wears the skirt and dances around the pole.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

So you had this pact--but you weren't even separated anymore, right? And you lied about it--the one active lie you've told, something said only to avoid confrontation (the typical reason people lie; the other is to gain an advantage--both are equally wrong). And he CHEATED in a previous relationship, but you are the one who is untrustworthy?

Yes, it is time to move on, as deejo said, to someone else! Clearly he has control issues, among other things. He's crossing boundaries. Why should EITHER of you attempt to control the other's sexuality when it does not involve 3rd persons? Are you not allowed to have fantasies or erotic dreams, too?

As for the neighbor being pregnant-he is totally off the mark there. That was not your information to share. Keeping quiet about something that is a) not yours to share and b) not certain, is simply common practice among adults with healthy boundaries. If he is all bent out of shape about something like this, then he has very unrealistic expectations. 

Maybe give him one last chance, like Croaker suggests. If nothing else, you'd have fun one last time.


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## Doc Savage (Mar 16, 2010)

Bail out quick, too much baggage on this plane. If he is still living for what he preceives where afronts to him by his ex then he needs to have some alone time to get over it; 5 years alone time with a psychologist.

BTW I love it when my ol lady masturbates, saves my knees, legs, back all that work, plus she likes when I watch. Me too!


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