# Anybody got divorced at 60 and really regretted it?



## Impy2 (Dec 9, 2017)

Posted on here before. Still stuck in a sexless marriage. My wife and i get on really well but i just don't love her that way. I'm 60 and don't want to hurt her but it's killing me inside stuck in this situation. Everyone tells the grass always looks greener on the other side but they don't have to live this way. Advice needed please. Anybody else moved on at this age and it was a good move?


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Impy2 said:


> Posted on here before. Still stuck in a sexless marriage. My wife and i get on really well but i just don't love her that way. I'm 60 and don't want to hurt her but it's killing me inside stuck in this situation. Everyone tells the grass always looks greener on the other side but they don't have to live this way. Advice needed please. Anybody else moved on at this age and it was a good move?


You first asked for advice 12/17--then 7/18.. You married rather hastily after meeting online. Step-kids are a problem--resented. You don't desire her sexually, don't even want to cuddle. Your finances are a concern, we don't know about hers. Yet, you don't leave because you don't want to hurt her. Hurt is relative at some point. If everybody tells you the grass is always greener, it sounds like you have discussed this a lot?--with others only?

As mentioned in another thread, she must recognize that there are problems. You both have been married previously. *The future is likely to go downhill unless y'all decide to do some work on this marriage.* Now is the time for action of one kind or another. Sorry for your misery. What did you like about her before you were married?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

when I was contemplating dissolving the marriage when we ran out of kids (30 years), My thought was that if I regret it, I won't have to regret it long. of course I wasn't thinking about green grass. I was thinking of unhappy married versus an unknown level of happiness single. I can't advise you on dating in your sixties. I'm still on the 50 side of 60.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@Impy2 Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about the fact that you have wasted 4 years of your wife's time. She deserves a man who is into her and who loves her, and you ain't it. Staying longer and continuing to lie to a woman who deserves better is worse than staying because you "don't want to hurt her." 

You're hurting her, regardless. Stop wasting her time and do it now, instead of waiting and wasting who knows how many more years of her life while you pussie foot around, hemming and hawing about what YOUR chances at dating will be at age 60.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Impy2 said:


> Posted on here before. Still stuck in a sexless marriage. My wife and i get on really well but i just don't love her that way. I'm 60 and don't want to hurt her but it's killing me inside stuck in this situation. Everyone tells the grass always looks greener on the other side but they don't have to live this way. Advice needed please. Anybody else moved on at this age and it was a good move?


*Me!

But RSXW was busy sleeping with everybody else in the great State of Texas!

Good to get away from her ~ but alas ~ rich, heartless, skanks can ruin you financially in a divorce court setting!*


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I was in my 60's when I divorced. My only regret is not getting out sooner.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

It might depend on where you live; how much you like to get out and socialise if you're looking for companionship post divorce.


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## Impy2 (Dec 9, 2017)

Thanks for the replies. Yes i know I'm going from one thing to the next. I decide to go and then change my mind. Then a couple of months later i think it should go. I even went to a good fortune teller recently. Firstly i don't believe in them but I'm not so sure now. I told her nothing of my circumstances. She could see a split and a new beginning. She could see me sorting out finances and going to a solicitor and then court. 
Sometimes i think maybe i have depression as i keep changing my mind. It is unfair to my wife and you will be tired listening to me. Sorry to keep posting for the same advice.


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

Imply2

I haven't read your other posts, but you mentioned sorting out your finances. Are you staying with your wife for financial reasons? If so, get your money situation figured out, and stop using her, and being miserable because you aren't getting laid. 

You can find lots of reasons why you stay, but if you are honest with yourself you know exactly why you're not leaving. As my grandpa used to say "What's stopping you, the lead in your a**, or the fear in your heart?" So, why are you still with a woman you don't want to be with?


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I counsel everyone over 50 to be careful. Be SURE you can survive being single and be SURE that leaving is your only option; that you have done everything you can to work out whatever the issue is because it's VERY difficult to find someone that is "perfect" at this age. Over 50 dating is a different world, completely. People tend to be settled in their lives and are more apt to want you to fit into theirs, than them fit into yours. Everyone in the 50+ crowd brings history, baggage, and expectations to the table which makes developing a relationship factors more difficult than when we were kids and brought nothing but ourselves.

You have only been married in this relationship four years so certainly you must remember what it was like to date over 50. Online dating sites are notoriously deceptive. Many women post photos of themselves from 10-20 years ago because they know what they look like now. She’ll post her status as “divorced” but not that she’s been divorced 3 or 4 times. Does that give you confidence that she’s a good partner? I saw one woman that classified herself as “widowed” only to find out that was her FIRST marriage. She had married after that, had children, and divorced that second partner. So she wasn’t lying but not an accurate depiction of her status either. From my own experience, a high percentage of older women do not really want a relationship, they want to date. They want dinner, flowers, and to be doted on. And guess what, they have a green grass fantasy also and will dump you in a second for the next guy that they think has a greener lawn than you do. Online dating is a crap shoot, it’s like picking a partner out of a police lineup. You have no idea who that person really is or what their history is, until you dig for it. With the preponderance of artificial grass installed in the over 50 dating world, it’s no wonder people get fooled into thinking the grass is greener out there.

I have read your previous messages and it’s clear that you are in a sexless marriage because of you, not your wife, but you haven’t stated why you are not attracted to her sexually. So let’s find out directly, why? You had sex with her before marriage? You were sexually compatible? You didn’t marry her just for her money, did you? Do you really think any other woman is going to side with you over her grown children? You had better get use to the idea that blood is thicker than marriage. 

The fact that you are rejecting your wife sexually after only three years of marriage, and perusing dating sites, speaks to the shallowness of your decision making. You obviously did not make the right decision when you married your wife, but the problem is that you are likely to repeat that bad decision making in the future. What you are likely to find out on the playing field, is that you are only compatible with women that also made bad decisions selecting partners in their lives also. Now you have both parties who make bad decisions, making a decision that is probably a bad one for both of you. But captivated “in the moment” believe that anything is possible and THIS time will be different. Uh huh.

The women that make good decisions, care about their own life having as little disruption as possible, and are searching for a long term partner are likely going to ask you “how many times have you been married” and want to know why each of your marriages failed. You’re answer, “I tired of her sexually after a couple of years”. At least you’ll get a last good look at their ass as they walk away.

My advice, work on your issues. Based upon your contributions here, you haven’t even approached your wife about your issues regarding sex. You sound like you have fallen into the “grass is greener” trap which is both intoxicating and delusional. Don’t let it fool you or consume you. Are their valid reasons for leaving a marriage? Of course there are and I’m not saying people shouldn’t. However, do it because you have exhausted all options to make your marriage work.

I am 60. I was forced into the dating world through widowhood and unfortunately I know it well. THINK very carefully before pulling that divorce trigger.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

I think it depends on you!! Which has been mentioned above. I was just talking with someone about this-- He has some friends who are divorced-- all around 55-60. I asked how they are doing-- he said some are ok and some are miserable. I think if you are type A-- social lots of friends, hobbies, happy with yourself whether your with a bunch of ppl or by yourself for a while with no issues-- then fine think about divorce if you can afford it-- remember we are living much longer these days. But if your one that doesn't do too much--then it might be wise to stay married to have that companion around. Not sure I would divorce just because you want to date and have sex-- it's a gamble!! I don't know all the details BUT I would stay married and focus on you.. The way your feeling could pass.

I say this because the last 4 or 5 years I have went thru cycles in my marriage as well. I absolute HATED him, I visited lawyers, looked at places for myself.  Then this would pass and we got along.. Then I was into therapy and wanted him to go with me which he refused and I got frustrated again. So I focused more on kids--- and took a couple trips with my sisters and then one with friends. It goes on and on. Right now, for some reason, (ha ha) I'm as happy as can be--- getting projects around the house done, cooking more, etc... So if I would've divorced years ago, I think I would've regretted it. YES I think about what's it going to be like in my 60's with spouse--- yes it's kinda scary BUT as long as I do what makes me happy, we should be OK.


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## Impy2 (Dec 9, 2017)

Well I think that is me pretty well told off. I think I haven't maybe explained my situation too well. I'm really quite a good person. Just married to the wrong person. Best leave you all in peace. Thanks for listening.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I am 67 but not divorced. However just for fun I had looked at the implications of divorce when I turned 60. Short version is that my wife would not have enough money to live on without going to work and drastically reducing her lifestyle. I too would suffer economically but due to my skill set, I can make a lot of money off the books and could do much better than her. Right now I get my full Social Security benefit and my wife gets half of mine. Had we divorced I still would get my whole benefit but my wife only would get her half. My benefit would barely pay for retirement. My wife’s would not cover more than a few months of expenses so from a pension/SS viewpoint, divorcing at 60 would be disastrous.

Even worse is medical problems and the need for someone to care for us. My wife already underwent major surgery and was confined to bed for 3 months. I took care of her during that period. Getting outside help would have been outside of her budget and at 60, she would not be eligible for Medicare. As we get older we realize that we need each other or our quality of life as well as safety goes downhill real fast.

My sister divorced at 59. Her husband is a singer and had little money. To keep the house she had to write him a check for $30,000. She thought she was smart because she got a new boyfriend before she divorced but what she did not know or count on was that she has no claim to her boyfriend’s State Pension as that goes to his ex wife as does any of his life insurance. Then the problem got worse. A year later he had a bad stroke and is getting worse. She has to care for him. He no longer can work and gets disability to which she has no claim. Once he dies she gets nothing and since she rarely worked, her entire income would be $600 a month from Social Security. 

Basically she only has the equity in her home to sustain her if her boyfriend dies. To get it means selling it and moving into an apartment. She cannot go into a smaller house since she is already in a small house and so she would rent at close to $2000 a month for a “decent” apartment. More for a good one in NYC. So her decision to divorce at 59 was not a good one and she is only realizing it now. She is also stuck at home caring for her boyfriend at a time she though she would be enjoying her retirement, going on cruises and traveling. 

I live among 150,000+ retired people and we all know how important it is to have a spouse. Memory goes as does physical strength and other old age problems. You need someone because living on your own is only good when you have no medical problems. Once you do it get very lonely with no one to care for you but a nurse. Medicare only pays for so many days of nursing care before they do not pay anymore. The saddest people here are the widows and widowers. They are lonely and often drink to excess daily. They have no one to nag them to see a doctor when ill and therefore wait too long to seek medical attention. Just two doors down our divorced neighbor was found dead in her home. She was dead for a week before she was found. They said it was a heart attack and had someone been there to call 911, she probably would have lived as most here do.

Find a way to get along because 60 is not the time to divorce.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Vinnydee said:


> I am 67 but not divorced. However just for fun I had looked at the implications of divorce when I turned 60.



You sure know how to have fun!



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

inmyprime said:


> You sure know how to have fun!
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Two smart things to do is to marry a woman closer to your age and closer to your wealth (or more).

If you're hoping for one those pretty fertile young things, she's going to clean you.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Financially secure both of us, no issues. Only real issue was a guarantee that she'd fund her share of 2.5 more years of medical school for dd2. That was taken care of, the McMansion has finally sold, etc. 

There are times it works out well mostly because money is not the issue.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

while the posts about the hardships of dating and the challenges of aging and the benefits of partnership obviously have merit; Some of the posts seem to imply that "any" relationship is better than not being coupled at all. 


what it does not take into account is some people and some relationships are toxic and one is better off on their own vs being yoked to those people/relationships. 

Only the person in the hot seat can determine if it is detrimental to remain in the relationship vs on their own but if upon legitimate scrutiny they determine that remaining in the relationship will cause more harm and more angst, then dissolving the relationship is the more prudent course.


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## Impy2 (Dec 9, 2017)

Surely staying in a relationship in case you get sick can't be good. That's really using somebody.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Impy2 said:


> Surely staying in a relationship in case you get sick can't be good. That's really using somebody.


It's not using someone if it is a two-way street and each helps the other in their times of need. 

That is what a partnership is and is one of the tangible benefits of being partnered. 

What you need to determine is whether your relationship is toxic to the point of you being better off on your own even if you do not find someone else that is any better. 

If you can honestly say that you would be better off on your own than with her, then dissolving the marriage would be in your better interests.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> Impy2 said:
> 
> 
> > Surely staying in a relationship in case you get sick can't be good. That's really using somebody.
> ...


Is we are talking about the OP, it IS pretty much using her. He says he "doesn't love her that way", isn't attracted to her, and doesn't even like to cuddle with her.

But might stay in the marriage in case he gets sick??

How is that a partnership?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Chiming in with one more thought. It certainly IS possible to "love someone that way" and be attracted to your partner even at very advanced ages. Want to be close, to cuddle with them.

So yeah.......... it *really really really is* just using someone if you feel NONE OF THOSE THINGS for your spouse and are staying just so you have someone to potentially care for you if you get sick.

****!


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