# Letter to the EX??????



## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Ok,

Most of you know my story, if not, please read, quite interesting!! I have not talked to my ex-wife since I had to move out August 2012, only by text about the house and finances. I have done alot of thinking, alot of self examanation, etc. I am feeling the urge to send a letter to her letting her know several things she did to utterly destroy me and things I know I did wrong. She cant get over the fact that I will not speak to her and not be her friend. I feel I want to lay out the reasons why to her. 
I know in my head the answer in "NO" she will not care and it will make me look needy or not detached. I am torn, I feel like she got away with murder. I have so much to say that I didn't get to say then.
I dont know, whats everybody's thoughts???
Thanks


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Dont ****ing do it. Move on. Betrayal is a piece if cake for **** bags. Its not hard to get away with lying to someone that trusts you and to use them for security while they go out and selfishly **** it up because it the easier road than fixing a marriage. 

The outcome of your fooloshly sending a letter will be another chance for her to kick you in the balls by not giving a ****.

DONT DO IT


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

When you say you know in your "head" you should not send it, that's your rational/logical voice trying to reason with you. The other voice suggesting you send it is your emotions which in this case is trying to sabotage what the right thing to do is. 
Instead do this:
Write your letter. Go out in a secluded area and read it aloud. You can yell it out at the top of your lungs if you want. Then burn that mother****ing letter. 

A letter that you want to send is utterly iseless and will fall on deaf ears to a person who has checked out of your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Movingon_ (Feb 13, 2013)

Don't do it brother. What would it change? She knows the pain you are in. She decided her life was better off without you in it. Give that to her. I know, I was/am in the boat you are. I have thought about letters, texts or late night phone calls with soft music playing in the background but have not done any of them. Just stop. Don't do it. There are no answers for the questions people like us have. We deal with the pain, put one foot in front of the other and wait for death as we feel that will be our only salvation. It sucks. No one has the answer but this letter is far from a right answer. Like someons above said, write it, read, burn it.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

BAD IDEA!!!!!
If you reach out to her right now I promise she will do one of three things.... #1either try to suck you back in and call the shots for you to take more abuse, #2 Blame you for all of her problems/problems from your marriage, or #3 tell you how wonderful her life is without you trying to make you jeakous. Either way she will not respect you if you try to patch things up or try to contact her for the possibility of being friends later on.

She needs to feel like she lost someone great by cheating and learn from life that good men willing to put up with her sh!t are underappreciated and hard to come by, while jerks may be fun and are everywhere but the are easily replaced even bigger jerks. Her loss man! Same goes for women like her, when you find a better woman who loves you and doesn't make you feel like you're responsible for her happiness..... Dude, you're going to find women like your ex wife are a dime a dozen and you really can do better than a relationship with an uncaring loser and cheater of a wife.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

By all means write it. By all means post it here. Don't, under any circumstances, send it to her!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

that would be to nice let her stew about it. it will bother her the rest of her life.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

LostOneForGood said:


> I have done alot of thinking, alot of self examanation, etc. I am feeling the urge to send a letter to her letting her know several things she did to utterly destroy me and things I know I did wrong. She cant get over the fact that I will not speak to her and not be her friend. I feel I want to lay out the reasons why to her.


If you keep picking at a scab the wound will never heal. Is there a point to sending her a letter? What will it really accomplish? She won't give a damn, except to feel the satisfaction of knowing that you still care. You'll just continue to feel like crap. 

So yeah, write the letter if you must but don't send it to her. You make a far greater statement by saying and doing nothing.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Thanks Everybody, I knew I could count on all of you for the swift kick in the pants I needed!!! I am writing the letter, only to get it out and then I will share on here, so I can get it out in the open. 
I guess I am having the 6 month breakdown (not sure of that is real, but sounds good) I have been up and down so much, last month it was remembering all the bad, this month is all the good. I gained a stye and a twitch in my eye when all this went down, then it went away, now both are back now. My thoughts are like a line from a newer song... He'll love the way you shine and so Did I.... When she was good, she was good, when she was bad, she was bad.... 
I also remember a saying I once heard... Don't be upset when you see your ex with someone else, remember we were taught to give our used toys to the less fortunate....


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Or...... Every time you see a pretty woman like your ex just realize that some man, somewhere, is sick and tired of dealing with her sh!t. 

Now that person is you, you know why she's with him and exactly what he's in for in the future...... But don't try to rescue him. Some people need to learn a lesson or two on their own from experience.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

LostOneForGood said:


> I also remember a saying I once heard... Don't be upset when you see your ex with someone else, remember we were taught to give our used toys to the less fortunate....


:rofl: <-----That was literally me after reading this. Thanks!


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

LostOneForGood said:


> I am feeling the urge to send a letter to her letting her know several things she did to utterly destroy me and things I know I did wrong. She cant get over the fact that I will not speak to her and not be her friend. I feel I want to lay out the reasons why to her.


You can send it, who cares what she thinks?

Truth is she won't read it and then suddenly the lights will come on and she'll feel really bad. If she was that receptive then you'd still be with her.

What will happen is that she'll skim it and think "That poor sap never got over me".

If that's the impression you want to give her then by all means go drop it in the mailbox.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> By all means write it. By all means post it here. Don't, under any circumstances, send it to her!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


^^^ AGREE ^^^

I've written several letters (well, saved them in a Word Doc anyway, lol). 

It feels good, very cathartic. I re-read them occasionally (that feels good, too), but I wouldn't send them to my stbx for all the tea in China. 

What's the point? She doesn't give a tinker's damn.

And now - neither do I. That feels good too. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

FOL, picking a scab, good analogy. I have to keep that in mind too. Its like I can't get approval from anyone else except my ex. And I keep trying. Hence, the scab picking, my wounds won't heal until I do. Good reminder


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Listen to your logical side and not your emotional side. At least when it comes to actually sending it. Write it if it will make you feel better. But definitely don't send it.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

You can go ahead and write the letter, but do NOT send it to her. Instead, put it away in a shoe box or some place safe, then after a time take it out and read it and compare how you were feeling then with how you are feeling later on in life.

I had written several letters to my X, but I had never sent them. Instead I had collected them all into a box. I have read some of them recently, and all that I can say is WOW! I can't believe that I was like that! My divorce is going on two years now, and I have seen a change in myself, especially after reading some of my letters that I had written a year ago, two years ago, even just six months ago.

Quite a few counselors are all for you writing yourself a letter, for this helps to expel the trapped feelings that are otherwise going to eat away at your insides. A counselor had asked a friend of mine to write a letter to herself from another person's perspective. This seems to be a huge eye opener to some.

Listen to your head, it is telling you the right thing to do. Absolutely DO NOT give her any more ammunition than what she already has. She will be able to kick you in the nuts harder and faster if you did. Do not relinquish your control over to her, for if you do you will surely regret it later in life.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

Thanks rem, That I will definitley do!!! I think it might help. 

I am sitting here 6 months after I basically had to leave our new home and the town I knew for the last 12 years. I am still very angry, bitter and just overall crappy!!! I did the gym thing, joined TAM (best thing I did by the way) stayed busy as I could, helped build a new hospital, etc.. I am feeling truly like I have no idea Who the Hell I Am??? I feel like I have been dropped off a plane into a desert with no map and no one around.... It seems like all I do is start over, I get to a point of accomplishment and BAM!!! it gets snagged out from under me.. Just like when the Ex dropped the bomb on me, we Finally got to where we wanted, then Nope, all Hell broke loose, didnt even know who I was looking at or talking to anymore!!!!

I dont even know what direction to go anymore... I knew her for 6 years before we got together.. When do you know when you know someone, or is it like I have always said, "When dating its your representative, when it becomes long term, the representative gets re-assigned.."

I've always agreed there is one person you never really get over... This is my one... Even though what she said and did to me was pure "Evil" She's in my thoughts everyday.. I told her "I would Die for her" Never said or even felt that for anyone other than my family in my life!!! I look at our friends who are married and i know things they have been through... Most I know had "knockout dragouts" infidelity, alcholism, abuse, etc and they are still together!!! Their isnt one thing that should have caused this divorce, except she is immature, selfish, cold, emotionless and just simply "Evil" 

I know not every one is like that, but when you feel and just know you have the one, how many times can this happen??? I mean How many "The Ones" are there???? One is "Singular" so that means if you feel that person is the "One" then thats that, right??? Instead it should be, "Well, she could be One of the Ones" Can you really trust anyone??? 

The one song that sums me up right now is "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins...


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Oh hell, I sent my stbxh an email explaining exactly what his infidelity did to me. Did he get it???? No...because he is a cheater and a liar. He is a narcissist who pretends to care, but doesn't. It was a waste of my time...and yours.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I've come close to sending my EX letters from how she made me feel to what was the final reason I pulled the plug and divorced her. Glad I never did. She doesn't deserve my heart-felt feelings anymore. 

And I can relate to the EX "not getting it". Damn that's an understatement. Haha
One thing that has been difficult for me is co-parenting our kids. She has pulled some dirty tricks and like a fool, when I respond and put my foot down (so far so good, right?) I end up explaining to her why her choices are detrimental to the well-being of our kids. My explanation is not only a waste of time, it opens up pandora's box to allow her hamster to get going. Not good. 
She never gets it, and never will.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

If you want to blow some steam off, write it to us on the forum. That way you get some relief, take the high road and won't do something you'll regret.

Just a thougt bud, lean on the good people of the forum.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

Our ex's must all be the same person! LOL!

Some of our X's will never get it. They are in a self-denial mode where they're right and everyone else is wrong, even if it's staring them straight in the face. They are blinded by their own self-justification. My X is still being vindictive, even after two years. But once she learns that I have a new, more loving and meaningful relationship, I KNOW that she will blow a gasket. Oh well, I am a better person, I have moved on. She is still chasing her knight in shining armor and giving herself in any way to win them over, even if it's for the wrong reasons.


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## LostOneForGood (Jun 4, 2012)

You know, that is one thing that I am holding on to that gives me any pleasure!!! I know my Ex is seeking a "Fantasy World" and it doesnt exist!! She always said she hated the word "Reality", well I can only forsee and huge dose of her unfavorite word for her.. :smthumbup:
I know right now she is having a blast, Freedom, Vegas, I'm still paying for half the house, etc... When she has to get her own place and has to take over half the debt, I see things changing and man do I hope "Reality" shows up like a hurricane and wipes her ass with the floor!!!!

I know a letter is a bad idea, I know taking the high road and no contact is best for me, I know she wouldnt care and somehow twist it... But How the Hell do you ever get closure??? Do you say " I did all i could, it wasnt meant to be so "F" it!!!! I was trying to find some pics of just me to show some friends and holy crap, I came up with like 5 that didnt have the ex in it, 12 years worth, Geeeeezzzzz!!!!!

Idk how someone can just wipe away everything like washing mud off a car. She has ditched all our good friends for a bunch of band groupee losers, she once told her best friend, that She (the friend and I) were the only people she trust her life with. Well, she hasnt talked to the friend in 7 months and well you know what the hell she did to me, so what does that say???? 

Can I get a WTF???????????????????


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I don't know what to tell you about dealing with the memories. It is flat out devastating. Everyplace you go, everyone you see, they all trigger memories and what was once a good thing is now a source of pain and possibly embarrasment.

I wrote some letters, and some of them were not very nice. But they were for me and never intended to send.

As hard as it seems, all of us have to begin the process of replacing the old memories with new ones. 

Force yourself to get out and enjoy life. You might get lucky and make new friends, find a new hobby or help your fellow man.

Good luck. I know your pain with a WAW on our 22nd anniversary. I am going to live a great life and put the memories in perspective over time.

Peace.


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