# Marriage dilemma



## MrMont (2 mo ago)

OK, so this is a bit of a complex scenario, but here goes...

Me and my now spouse met online originally and got married almost two years ago.

We got into the relationship pretty quickly and we have a lot in common, there was also always a lot of affection and we have said we love each other etc.

One of the main motivators to getting married was so that we could be together and that I could move to his country so that we could give the relationship a shot.

I now live in the US and have been here for just over 12 months, but last week my spouse confronted me and explained that he now feels unsure of the relationship and whether the married life is right for him.

In response to this I was obviously distraught and explained that I felt the opposite...he responded by saying that due to my response he felt differently about things and was willing to give it more time.

However now I am left in a state of constant low mood and fear for the future.

I obviously made a big sacrifice moving to a different country and want to make things work, but at the same time I'm slightly in self preservation mode.

No way do I want to apply pressure or attempt to force someone to change their mind, but I am also aware of the power dynamic...I'm the one in the foreign country, on his health insurance and living a certain lifestyle.

I'm also scared of approaching the topic myself out of fear of what I will hear.

How would you approach this situation?

I am happy to answer anything else you may find relevant.

Thank you


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

FIRSTLY what was the reasons he gave you that he now feels unsure of the relationship and whether the married life is right for him. ? 

"I obviously made a big sacrifice moving to a different country and want to make things work, but at the same time I'm slightly in self preservation mode. "
As we don't know where you came from we don't know if it was a sacrifice or not , but if you can not keep commination open may be he is right ,


----------



## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

What reasons has he given to you as to why he feels this way ?


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

MrMont said:


> OK, so this is a bit of a complex scenario, but here goes...
> 
> Me and my now spouse met online originally and got married almost two years ago.
> 
> ...


OP I tend to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

Assuming that you and hubby can’t find a way to make this work, are you getting prepared? Do you have a job, are you able to live by yourself and be ok?

He has told you about this problem, there is a good chance it won’t get better. So prepare for it, get a bank account and make sure you’re ready to live alone.

As far as approaching him about the status of things, hold off on that until you evaluate your preparedness. When you have the conversation, it could be the catalyst for him to tell you its not happening. So make sure you’re ready for that news before going to him.

In the mean time, be yourself. Don’t be timid or shy or worry all the time. And don’t try to be super-wife. If it’s coming then it’s coming and you can’t change his mind for him. Just be yourself and if he wants to stay together then you’ll know it’s for _you_ and not some super-human version of yourself.

As others have said, the reasons he’s wanting to end it could be important. Important in the sense of your own mental health and healing after you split (assuming the worst). Ending the marriage after only 2 years is kind of suspicious, like he is up to no good with someone else. So why did he tell you he wanted to end it?


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Here him out & address his concerns if you can. 

That said seek out a divorce attorney who is familiar with immigration laws. If you married to get to the US there are legal support obligations codified by federal law over & above any potential entitlement to alimony which cannot be waived. Once he realizes how much a divorce will cost him he might be more willing to get MC & work on the issues.


----------

