# Completely BLINDSIDED and now lost



## VinceMO (Jul 5, 2016)

I have been in a tailspin for over a week now and even at 52 years old I honestly do not know what to do, so heres the long story made short.

I met Sara last summer. I had been single for several years after a divorce from a 20 year marriage. When I met Sara I thought I had hit the lottery ..shes beautiful, 51, well educated with an MBA, the list was endless. We fell in love over the next 8 months and were married 7 months ago. This was the 2nd marriage for both of us. I thought I was in heaven.

Very soon after we married though my wife started exploding with bouts of anger over seemingly minor issues like something as simple as forgetting milk at the store or not making the bed. And I mean EXPLODING with outright rage ..lashing out with slaps, kicks, throwing things, breaking things, I was even punched across the jaw so hard it dropped me to the ground. Last week was the final straw when she threatened to kill herself with pills. When I tried to grab the bottle out of her hand she bit me on the arm so hard I ended up needing two stitches. Her daughter finally talked her into a voluntary walk-in psychiatric observation facility. Shes been there now for the past 5 days and has since been diagnosed with Schizophrenia and bipolar depression.

The bombshell to this story came two weeks prior to all of this when I found out that Im not her 2nd husband like she told me. Her father informed me that I am in fact husband number 6. When I confronted her with this, she denied everything and demanded that I 'get out of her house' (we live in a condo together). 

The other bombshell was that she also apparently forgot to mention that shes been arrested twice as an adult, once for fraud so deep that she faced a 10 year prison sentence if payment arrangements could not be made to pay back the corporate theft. She also has no MBA so shes apparently lied about her education as well.

So here I sit wondering - how is someone supposed to deal with something as insane as these series of events? I would never leave because of her medical condition but then again I cant just stand still and take physical violence, not to mention the lying about felony arrests. I would never hit back of course but I cant just stand still and absorb physical attacks while not knowing whats coming at me next.

Any and all opinions are welcome ..what would you do?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Divorce her.


And if there is a next time, take your time and do your due diligence.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Divorce her.
> 
> 
> And if there is a next time, take your time and do your due diligence.



This.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

You fell for a bait-and-switch, although I don't think it was the fault of either one of you. You thought you were marrying someone sane, and you didn't, although apparently she was just sane enough to put up a good front, for a while.

So you come to find that you're married to a violent and otherwise abusive nut job. I can't imagine how horrible that must be, but I also can't imagine even trying to make this marriage work on any level.

I'm very sorry.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

She doesn't have BOTH Bi Polar Depression AND schizophrenia. Either one alone, however, is bad enough. Those things tend to run in families, the way they're accurately diagnosed is by the symptoms (Which are vastly different from each other), and also family history. Who in her family has this and what was their history like? But I digress...

Your wife is very sick, and the symptoms and those recently revealed behaviors are the result of her mental illness. Two questions: What she looks like when properly medicated. And her family's withholding all that other info about her from you.

The woman you fell in love with is still in there, she's just being overwhelmed by her illness. The question is can the doc get that genie back in the bottle? 

I'd wait until she's stabilized on the meds and see what she looks like. Then, you can begin to address all those other bombshells and see where it goes and how you feel.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

VinceMO said:


> I have been in a tailspin for over a week now and even at 52 years old I honestly do not know what to do, so heres the long story made short.
> 
> I met Sara last summer. I had been single for several years after a divorce from a 20 year marriage. When I met Sara I thought I had hit the lottery ..shes beautiful, 51, well educated with an MBA, the list was endless. We fell in love over the next 8 months and were married 7 months ago. This was the 2nd marriage for both of us. I thought I was in heaven.
> 
> ...


What Married But Happy said : Divorce.

You'll have to sleep sometime, with a ticking time bomb next to you.


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## tripod (Jun 18, 2016)

It won't get better. It will get worse. I speak from experience. Annulment. Or divorce. You're 52. No time to spend fixing someone else. You're about to start needing maintenance yourself.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You can get an annulment at 7 months of marriage. She perpetrated a fraud on you when she told you that you were her 2nd husband - not to mention all of the rest. She has family who can look after her. Get out like the house is on fire.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

With her history (6 Broken Marriages, a criminal record) and the latest events with you, change is not happening. 

I don't imagine that anyone would tell you more than get yourself a divorce lawyer to end the marriage and a counselor for your mental wellbeing. 

*You are not her husband. You are her latest victim. Run, Forest, run!*


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

VinceMO said:


> I have been in a tailspin for over a week now and even at 52 years old I honestly do not know what to do, so heres the long story made short.
> 
> I met Sara last summer. I had been single for several years after a divorce from a 20 year marriage. When I met Sara I thought I had hit the lottery ..shes beautiful, 51, well educated with an MBA, the list was endless. We fell in love over the next 8 months and were married 7 months ago. This was the 2nd marriage for both of us. I thought I was in heaven.
> 
> ...


it was a fraudulent marriage. under those circumstances, you have every right to leave. many states, most religions, even the most strict, allow for annulment under those circumstance. morally you have every right and in fact every obligation to leave.

you can still try to help in whatever way you can, but you better protect yourself and leave for your own safety and sanity.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Divorce her and move on. You were blind sided all right. She is not your problem, you were lied to. She is good at that. 

You fill find someone else, but make sure you check her "credentials". 

Education and marriages/divorces are easy to verify; cuckoo nuts is a heck of a lot more difficult.

Run away from this whack job at the speed of light. :wink2:


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

End it...like yesterday. 

She is abusive. She is a liar and a criminal. You don't have any obligations to her. You are the just the latest in a long line of dupes.

Walk away and let her family clean up her mess.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

If you had a son who was in this exact same situation, what would your advise to him be?

My guess is you'd tell him to leave, correct?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

VinceMO said:


> Her father informed me that I am in fact husband number 6.


The fact that FIVE previous marriages failed indicates that she is not really marriage material. 

Unless you really like the idea of being her caregiver and supporting her emotionally, financially, & medically for the rest of your life, you should move on. 

Who should bear that burden. Her father and/or husband number 1. Otherwise they are just running away and passing you the buck!

Badsanta


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

I'm sorry you're in this situation. 

Go to YouTube search for "The Dangerous Women" channel by Roy Sheppard & see if the symptoms match. 
There is a lot of information there about women, marriage & personality disorders. 

Whether you decide you stay married to this woman or not, is up to you. 
Make sure you get all the information you can about her illness & go from there. 
She may be a completely different person once she's had proper medical treatment. 
Living with someone who has a mental illness can be very tough & will require lots of patience, understanding & empathy. 






Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

VinceMO said:


> I have been in a tailspin for over a week now and even at 52 years old I honestly do not know what to do, so heres the long story made short.
> 
> I met Sara last summer. I had been single for several years after a divorce from a 20 year marriage. When I met Sara I thought I had hit the lottery ..shes beautiful, 51, well educated with an MBA, the list was endless. We fell in love over the next 8 months and were married 7 months ago. This was the 2nd marriage for both of us. I thought I was in heaven.
> 
> ...


Have the marriage annulled. Sue for fraud. You are not her savior, look up codependency.


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## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

Your wife is not a good person.....she is a good actress. You fell for a non existent persona. Divorce quickly. .this is likely to get worse.....ask her ex husbands.

Sent from my SM-T230NU using Tapatalk


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Your wife has serious mental illness. Even if she did get on meds, got the dosages adjusted for her chemistry, and started acting like a proper wife, you have no guarantee she will stay on her meds. The reality is that a lot of schizophrenics and depressives go on and off their meds. Usually, because they think they are cured, don't like how the meds make them feel, or are experiencing side effects. So, realistically, even if she does get meds to make her sane-ish, she can and probably will revert back at any time.

She has a criminal record involving fraud. I don't know about all states, but in my state marital assets can be seized and used as restitution for crime. If she were to commit a crime as your legal wife, you could very well lose everything.

She is physically abusive and, due to the nature of her illnesses, she also has the potential to be very dangerous.

She has been married 6 times and lied to you about it. This says that 5 other men loved her enough to marry her and then had to gtfo. It also says that she has had serious problems for a very long time. Meaning, no one can fix her and she is unlikely to be able to fix herself at this late date. 

Talk to a lawyer. Get an annulment if you can and a divorce if you cannot.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

@VinceMO, You were blindsided because you were naive about people with such issues. That's why you trusted her a face value. Read this blog, it's a start... Shrink4Men ? Helping men break free from abusive relationships


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> Your wife has serious mental illness. Even if she did get on meds, got the dosages adjusted for her chemistry, and started acting like a proper wife, you have no guarantee she will stay on her meds. The reality is that a lot of schizophrenics and depressives go on and off their meds. Usually, because they think they are cured, don't like how the meds make them feel, or are experiencing side effects. So, realistically, even if she does get meds to make her sane-ish, she can and probably will revert back at any time.
> 
> She has a criminal record involving fraud. I don't know about all states, but in my state marital assets can be seized and used as restitution for crime. If she were to commit a crime as your legal wife, you could very well lose everything.
> 
> ...


Yea, think about that. 5 dudes fell hard enough for her to marry her. I'm sure the didn't want to bale either but had to for their safety. This woman sounds downright dangerous. A quick annulment should be possible under these circumstances.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Dude, you need to run, far and fast! She is a liar on top of being an abuser, save yourself.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

I must ask - why did her father not let you were #7 BEFORE you married?

Perhaps he thinks you would finally be the one to deal with all of her mental health issues, and not her family?

You need to get out of this now. She is not what you thought she would be as a wife. Just like the other five husbands.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Rule of thumb.. never never never marry someone this quickly.. surely you met some of her friends / family during this 8 month courting whirlwind.. and NO ONE.. not a soul gave you any hints to her past , her history ?? Really.. they all wanted you to be the next chump.. or she conveniently kept you away from everyone who knew - till she had her hooks in you ?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> Divorce her.
> 
> 
> And if there is a next time, take your time and do your due diligence.


I'll add in this day and age why would you marry so quickly?:surprise:


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
I must concur that it would be prudent to nullify the marriage in whatever manner available and move on. It is regrettable but the alternative is a life that will become unbearable.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Hmmm, where's OP?

Yeah, I'd stay and fix her. If I were as crazy as she is. Otherwise I'd just probably politely disappear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Don't let your guilt make you stay. You were swindled.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Oh my, what a mess.
Divorce and don't look back.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

VinceMO said:


> I have been in a tailspin for over a week now and even at 52 years old I honestly do not know what to do, so heres the long story made short.
> 
> *I met Sara last summer. *I had been single for several years after a divorce from a 20 year marriage. When I met Sara I thought I had hit the lottery ..shes beautiful, 51, well educated with an MBA, the list was endless. *We fell in love over the next 8 months and were married 7 months ago. *This was the 2nd marriage for both of us. I thought I was in heaven.
> 
> ...



You've somehow known her for 15 months but met her last summer. 

In the remote chance that any of this is real, just divorce her. And FFS use any one of the background check services that you can do from the comfort of your home for a few dollars on the next person you get serious with. I checked out my dog sitter better than you did your second wife.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

kristin2349 said:


> You've somehow known her for 15 months but met her last summer.
> 
> In the remote chance that any of this is real, just divorce her. And FFS use any one of the background check services that you can do from the comfort of your home for a few dollars on the next person you get serious with. *I checked out my dog sitter better than you did your second wife.*


Glad to know I am not the only one who is more careful about who I let watch my dogs than some people are about who watches their kids! uppy:


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## rileyawes (Jun 28, 2016)

If you really don't want to leave her, all you can do is have her committed. Otherwise, she could really hurt herself as well as you. She might kill you. That is a real possibility. She is dangerous. If you want to keep taking care of her, or keep benefiting from the sane parts of her, I suppose you could use your insurance to pay for her facility and visit her when she's lucid. I wouldn't live with her, though. I've said this before, but I think it bears repeating: she might kill you!!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need to employ my free to use technique. The RAQ manoeuvre.

Run Away! Quick!

Do it now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> You need to employ my free to use technique. The RAQ manoeuvre.
> 
> Run Away! Quick!
> 
> ...


Is that the abbreviated IRAQ procedure? (I Run Away, Quick!)


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Unicus said:


> She doesn't have BOTH Bi Polar Depression AND schizophrenia. Either one alone, however, is bad enough. Those things tend to run in families, the way they're accurately diagnosed is by the symptoms (Which are vastly different from each other), and also family history. Who in her family has this and what was their history like? But I digress...
> 
> Your wife is very sick, and the symptoms and those recently revealed behaviors are the result of her mental illness. Two questions: What she looks like when properly medicated. And her family's withholding all that other info about her from you.
> 
> ...


I slid half way down the "Sorry-for-Her-Slope" until I realized that she was a serial liar and deceiver. I dug in my heels and stopped any more loss of altitude.

I am all for forgiveness and empathy....but not THIS.

Too much skeletal past. These bones cannot be digested even by fluoroantimonic acid.

You owe her a medical "send-off" and empathy.....Nothing more.

Once she is in your rear-view mirror, you can forgive her trespasses.

She had enough mental-control to smoke your mirrors and your common sense. This is devious and yes.....selfish. 

Sorry for your painful situation.

Break your lease or sell your property....get away from her. 

Divorce.

A victim of murder may be in the news.....and you will be mourned.


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

Wow. That's just nuts. People rarely change. Leave her or settle in for an insane ride. You could very well end up in jail or physically harmed.


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