# Adulterous women and pedestals



## Nostromo (Feb 8, 2014)

Disclaimer: Obviously there are some men that fit the mold of this just as well, but this thread is specifically about female adultery which while equally immoral and devastating is not identical to male adultery in regards to why it happens or the mindset of the those who commit it, at least in my opinion. 
BTW I may ramble a little bit so please cut me some slack.


Many have speculated or outright stated that the reason so few female adulteresses ever accept 100% of the blame for their affair/s and always have to throw out that dreaded "but" after every instance of accepting blame is due to their inherent narcissism/selfishness. Which is I believe an understandable conclusion, but I wonder if it is something more complex than that. Women, or at least women in the west are frequently placed on moral pedestals in our society. They are thought to be the "better half", they're the ones who are typically expected to place the good of their families over their own wants/needs/desires.

Women are generally seen as more sensitive to the feelings of others and are believed to be the more nurturing of the species.
Children are just assumed by society and often the courts to be better off with their mothers as opposed to their fathers regardless of the specific circumstances of the individual case. 
So when a woman fails at putting her family above herself and gives in to her own carnal nature at the expense of the very people whom she is expected to care for and protect, I wonder if the guilt they feel is so overwhelming that they simply cannot bring themselves to face the full reality of what they've done.
It would mean admitting to themselves that they have permanently lost the "moral high ground" they were born into by virtue of gender.

It's almost like they have to hold on to their justifications as if its their only proof of their "innocence". They cling to it like a lifeline to the shore. It reminds me of an abusive parent arguing with their grown children that they never really abused them when they were younger or better yet a grown child on their therapist's couch blaming their parent for all of their own flaws. It's not ignorance so much as denial, even so far as to deny the existence of their own free will. Its self preservation, to take absolute responsibility for their greatest moral failing in life is too overwhelming for them to bear so they fall back into the role of "helpless victim" where they feel most comfortable.


Your thoughts or opposing views are more than welcome and I won't even threaten to report you to the mods.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

There's a point where you start to realize that people justify everything they do.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> There's a point where you start to realize that people justify everything they do.



Yes, men and women. All of us. If we didn't we couldn't get out of bed and function. Justifying gets one through the day.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

My ex said she failed her family. 

That's a statement of fact, not culpability.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

And what's your definition of a pedestal?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Nostromo said:


> Many have speculated or outright stated that the reason so few female adulteresses ever accept 100% of the blame for their affair/s


Where are you getting this information from?


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Where are you getting this information from?


He's talking about the BH population on TAM.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

staystrong said:


> He's talking about the BH population on TAM.



Well that's certainly representative of society.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

hooray for generalities about the sexes


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

So women are inherently narcissistic and selfish?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Actually, I've found that most folks I've talked with seem to assume that betrayal is a consequence of poor treatment of the wayward spouse.

I've found that to be true with men, almost more than women. Women seem to be more disapproving than men. Many times though, it's for slightly differing reasons. 

TAM is not necessarily representative of the general population in my circle of contacts, small as it is. 

It seems one has to be nearly perfect in their marriage to avoid blame. If one can step back from their feelings, they can understand those thoughts. It seems based in emotion and justified with logic. 

But then, isn't love based in emotion and justified with logic?

I hear justification in nearly every interaction between humans that I know. Again, it's a small circle of interaction.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> So women are inherently narcissistic and selfish?


they're all wh0res, except my mom, she was a saint


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)




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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Oh goody, a gender fight. I do think I understand what Nostro is getting at. Just stand back for a bit and look. Murder, rape, violent crimes, and crime in general is not 50/50, there is not gender equality. What is equal is the capability to do such things. So, if we all the same, why is it so different?

My thoughts are more like Nostro’s. Different expectations and thresholds of right and wrong based purely on gender. And speaking in *purely general self-held beliefs*, I think women have farther to fall as far as ‘purity character traits’ and sort of know it. Men have accepted we’re pigs, so it’s sort of funny to me that we strive to not be that; Sort of seeing ourselves as how much better we are than that baseline. I think a lot of women accept they are angels, so they reflect how far they’ve dropped… Just that little perception changes everything. So you hear a “but it was just two times” to attempt to minimize/quantify how low they’ve come. Men tend to point how far they’ve come in other areas “but I was a good provider, didn’t abuse my wife, etc..” to dismiss where they suck. 

And yes, everyone is an individual, but I’m a judgemental society labeling prick… (see the acceptance of the pig in me?!)


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

Nostromo said:


> Women are generally seen as more sensitive to the feelings of others and are believed to be the more nurturing of the species. Children are just assumed by society and often the courts to be better off with their mothers as opposed to their fathers regardless of the specific circumstances of the individual case.


I am not sure what the source of your rant is, but I can guess. The above quotes are true in most cases - there are always exceptions - but in general, women are more sensitive. Study after study have shown that children need both parents to be actively involved in their lives for the best emotional health. I am a man who went through a divorce and there are times I feel the resentment of some of these things that you have touched upon. I quickly come back to my foundation and realize something very important - all human being are selfish and sinful but they don't all express that selfishness the same way. Men and women are fundamentally different. Anyone who says differently are simply rejecting the facts and burying their heads in the sand. 

I am sorry for the pain that you have experienced. It saddens my heart that there are so many marriages that end in divorce. We have bought into the consumer mentality that says we should have what we want and have it now. We think that we can just trade in our current spouse and find something better. Worse yet, some spouses are so mistreated by their partner that they would rather be alone then to continue in that situation. 

My heart is broken as a result of losing my family, but I was a very selfish and bad husband. It took the jolt of losing my wife for me to be broken and change, but it was too late for her. My heart goes out to those who are hurting and experiencing this kind of pain. To those who are in a bad relationship - put forth the effort now to change. Love is about commitment to meet the needs of the person who you are married to. Divorce and adultery are not possible when that is taking place. Blessings on all who read this!


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Almostrecovered said:


> hooray for generalities about the sexes


Yippeee! Yes, more generalizations! The man/woman ranters just need to stop. Its getting old.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

damn limbic systems


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Is that the one with the pole that keeps getting lower? Oh that's limbo. Sorry.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> Is that the one with the pole that keeps getting lower?


take it to the ED thread


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

hahahaha


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Is that the one with the pole that keeps getting lower? Oh that's limbo. Sorry.


My pole keeps getting lower all the time. Damn gravity.

Oh wait, that's a good thing


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I was waiting for someone to post something like this:

http://youtu.be/iTKj_Vd5_Bk


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Actually, I've found that most folks I've talked with seem to assume that betrayal is a consequence of poor treatment of the wayward spouse.
> 
> I've found that to be true with men, almost more than women. Women seem to be more disapproving than men. Many times though, it's for slightly differing reasons.
> 
> ...


I'm not going to really slant against women, but I do want to add. In this day and time it is kinda like women against the "evil men", where all men get lumped in. It's the good men who suffer while the evil men benefit even more. So it's always in the back pocket to have the "blame the man" excuse. They will usually be excused for it, and it's an easy out.

It's nothing to really fight, accept the way it is.

I had a female friend that I hadn't seen in a while.

I was messing around getting close to her and her sister was like "her boy friend is a lot smaller than you, you could crush him". And it wasn't even like that. But I have to wonder what kinda things get said about me behind my woman...


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> they're all wh0res, except my mom, she was a saint


the ones who cheat and don't put their family first are. I think that is what this thread is sayin.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

@ treyvion, 

I've heard some of them about myself. Usually, it's a dollop of truth in a gallon of assumption.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> @ treyvion,
> 
> I've heard some of them about myself. Usually, it's a dollop of truth in a gallon of assumption.


I'd love to hear some about myself to get the ratio of truth to assumption.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

treyvion said:


> I'd love to hear some about myself to get the ratio of truth to assumption.


Well, based on your profile pic, you like to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women. What a a-hole preaching a totally misogynic perception with anger issues! Wouldn't shock me if you had mommy issues and an abusive childhood.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

hahaha that ain't right. That's two gallons per dollop.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

What is the source for all of these assumptions? Well, the golden radio of course! One must always listen to the golden radio while riding the dark tricycle.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Nostromo said:


> Disclaimer: Obviously there are some men that fit the mold of this just as well, but this thread is specifically about female adultery which while equally immoral and devastating is not identical to male adultery in regards to why it happens or the mindset of the those who commit it, at least in my opinion.
> BTW I may ramble a little bit so please cut me some slack.
> 
> 
> ...


I've always felt that often counseling is partly to blame.

Most women betrayers I know that go to counselors are told that had an "affair of the heart", or "mid life crisis", or "had to find their self identity", or "strayed", "made a mistake"... and that somehow it will make their marriage stronger. Almost as if it's something chic to do. It is the counselor's job to make their client feel better about themselves and, to me, this is a mistaken way to go about it.

When betrayers/betraying is soft pedaled like this it creates in and of itself a certain level of justification that undercuts the true measure of damage done.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

What's the golden ratio and the dark tricycle?


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## Nostromo (Feb 8, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> hooray for generalities about the sexes


You jest but I believe generalities exist because they are generally true, it's how they form in the first place because so many people have noticed them repeatedly they become "common knowledge" so to speak.
For example not all Asians are good at math but if you go to a math conference you can expect to run into a lot of Lee's and Chan's. It's general but it's not absolute and I didn't claim otherwise.


WorkingOnMe said:


> So women are inherently narcissistic and selfish?


I believe you've misunderstood my post twofold, I was referring to what many BH's claim, not my own belief and I was specifically referring to adulterous women who blameshift not all women or even all adulterous women.


WorkingOnMe said:


> What is the source for all of these assumptions? Well, the golden radio of course! One must always listen to the golden radio while riding the dark tricycle.


I have no idea what this means.:scratchhead:

Thanks everybody for the responses.


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

I thought that said pedicures...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

2ntnuf said:


> What's the golden ratio and the dark tricycle?


Lowe's sells it out of the backroom.... shhhh...

_Oh.. and for those who didn't get the joke it was 'the dark triad' of character traits to get laid and the 'golden ratio' is some body shape thing I think_


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## Nostromo (Feb 8, 2014)

staystrong said:


> And what's your definition of a pedestal?


 Women tend to be viewed by society as being more "innocent" than men. There was a time I believe that this was at least somewhat true but we are very quickly moving to a point in our culture where women are just about on the same level as men in regards to immoral behaviors. e.g. adultery, child abuse & abandonment etc.



staystrong said:


> He's talking about the BH population on TAM.


Precisely, I was referring to the way many BH's on TAM view WW's who blameshift.


Racer said:


> My thoughts are more like Nostro’s. Different expectations and thresholds of right and wrong based purely on gender. And speaking in *purely general self-held beliefs*, I think women have farther to fall as far as ‘purity character traits’ and sort of know it. Men have accepted we’re pigs, so it’s sort of funny to me that we strive to not be that; Sort of seeing ourselves as how much better we are than that baseline. *I think a lot of women accept they are angels, so they reflect how far they’ve dropped…* Just that little perception changes everything. So you hear a “but it was just two times” to attempt to minimize/quantify how low they’ve come. Men tend to point how far they’ve come in other areas “but I was a good provider, didn’t abuse my wife, etc..” to dismiss where they suck.


Spot on, you put it more concise than I could especially the part I highlighted in bold. Maybe you could proofread all my future posts so more people will understand what I'm trying to get across. I can only pay you in these thumbs up:smthumbup: emoticons though.


thatbpguy said:


> Most women betrayers I know that go to counselors are told that had an "affair of the heart", or "mid life crisis", or "had to find their self identity", or "strayed", "made a mistake"... and that somehow it will make their marriage stronger. Almost as if it's something chic to do. It is the counselor's job to make their client feel better about themselves and, to me, this is a mistaken way to go about it.


I agree with you, this is a massive part of the problem. I know it's not exclusively a female problem but I do believe women are more inclined to seek out counseling in general and specifically the "shoulder to cry on" form of counseling that is so rampant nowadays. 
And of course there are many counselors who are in the business of band aids rather than vaccinations. It's so foreign to my thinking that somebody would pay good money to sit and listen to a person tell them exactly what they want to hear. "Yes, your mom was horrible. Tell me more about that.":lol:


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## Nostromo (Feb 8, 2014)

Racer said:


> Lowe's sells it out of the backroom.... shhhh...
> 
> _Oh.. and for those who didn't get the joke it was 'the dark triad' of character traits to get laid and the 'golden ratio' is some body shape thing I think_


I see, thank you for explaining this. I don't completely subscribe to the alpha/beta type stuff or at least not the common "cure" for it. I do think there are a lot of husbands BH or not who passively allow there wives to run their entire life and abdicate their role as "head of the house", but I don't think six pack abs and a Ed Hardy shirt is gonna fix that.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Nostromo said:


> For example not all Asians are good at math but if you go to a math conference you can expect to run into a lot of Lee's and Chan's. It's general but it's not absolute and I didn't claim otherwise.
> 
> 
> 
> .




Sexist AND racist! Awesome go for the trifecta and say the Jews wandered the desert for 40 years looking for a quarter


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

They wouldn't stop to ask for directions.


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

LMFAO
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nostromo (Feb 8, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> Sexist AND racist! Awesome go for the trifecta and say the Jews wandered the desert for 40 years looking for a quarter


I think you may be a little too sensitive for this whole internet thing. Here's a ball in a cup you might enjoy.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

> You jest but I believe generalities exist because they are generally true, it's how they form in the first place because so many people have noticed them repeatedly they become "common knowledge" so to speak.



"All generalizations are dangerous, even this one."
- Alexandre Dumas


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I think women have more of an entitlement complex by nature than most men, and as such feel more justified when they venture outside the marriage.... Essentially the rationale that their needs were not being met seems like enough to many. 

Plus, I think most women by nature are stubborn and learn to detach over time, slowly... so by the time they do something, it has often been a long time coming. 

Funny... as communicative as women are, there are some of us that really like to internalize and bottle things up... hoping that our man will be able to intuit our needs. I have learned the hard way that this is not the case, and as such, have the pleasure now of learning to ask for what I need and establishing the boundaries, to ensure that I have a better shot at having them met. And it is a crappy and hard thing to have to learn mid-life!


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Nostromo said:


> I don't completely subscribe to the alpha/beta type stuff or at least not the common "cure" for it.


The alpha male not only refuses to be push around but will exit the scene when the female makes the first sign of putting him second to anything, including kids. The alpha male does not go after woman. He let the woman choose him and hence she starts with and maintains a high romantic interest in him.
The beta male usually feels its an honor that a "babe" chose him and he starts out being grateful she choose him feeling he's the luckiest guy in the world.. The woman has usually got involved with the beta because she has yielded to her belief and training that the guy is good husband material. She starts out by being attracted to his ability and willingness to provide a good home and be a good father rather than for her romantic interest in him. Before long, she feel empty and her life a waste as the wife of someone she was never really attracted and now sucks the life out of her. This culminates into, "my wife is a gorgeous brick house and she's cheating on me." That boys and girls is the long and the short of it.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Pepper123 said:


> I think women have more of an entitlement complex by nature than most men, and as such feel more justified when they venture outside the marriage.... Essentially the rationale that their needs were not being met seems like enough to many.
> 
> Plus, I think most women by nature are stubborn and learn to detach over time, slowly... so by the time they do something, it has often been a long time coming.
> 
> Funny... as communicative as women are, there are some of us that really like to internalize and bottle things up... hoping that our man will be able to intuit our needs. I have learned the hard way that this is not the case, and as such, have the pleasure now of learning to ask for what I need and establishing the boundaries, to ensure that I have a better shot at having them met. And it is a crappy and hard thing to have to learn mid-life!


My wife not only needed me to read her mind, she was putting up a front of being perfectly happy.. so I would have had to see through that mask first, then I'd have been able to start to figure out the rest... I got one confusing 'talk', that I chalked up to PMS, but in hindsight, she was already cheating on me at that point. I think that talk was more for her, to say she tried, asked for MC etc.. I bet her boyfriend at work had great insight into her needs that weren't being met.

Here's a good example of one of my wife and my, marriage problems. She said I never wanted to walk with her, or do anything with her. I asked why for the last couple months before I discovered her affair, we were doing things together and I was going for walks with her. I pointed out that it was because she had been asking me to go. She actually said "want to go for a walk?" So I knew she wanted to go for a walk with me, it felt good to be wanted for a change. When she was in the early days of her affair, when she'd want to sneak out and probably text her new lover.. I'd get a 'I'm going for a walk, be back in an hour' and she'd leave. Does that sound like someone that wants to go for a walk with you, or someone that wants some time alone? I figured she wanted to go for a walk alone, or she would have asked if I wanted to go. I would have loved for her to ask, but she was giving off such "I need time alone" vibes, that I picked up on it.. eventually to the point where it became the norm.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> The alpha male not only refuses to be push around but will exit the scene when the female makes the first sign of putting him second to anything, including kids. The alpha male does not go after woman. He let the woman choose him and hence she starts with and maintains a high romantic interest in him.
> The beta male usually feels its an honor that a "babe" chose him and he starts out being grateful she choose him feeling he's the luckiest guy in the world.. The woman has usually got involved with the beta because she has yielded to her belief and training that the guy is good husband material. She starts out by being attracted to his ability and willingness to provide a good home and be a good father rather than for her romantic interest in him. Before long, she feel empty and her life a waste as the wife of someone she was never really attracted and now sucks the life out of her. This culminates into, "my wife is a gorgeous brick house and she's cheating on me." That boys and girls is the long and the short of it.


My wife and I dated when we were 16 and 17.. she had a crush on me from when she was 13, had her friends tell me she thought I was cute. They never mentioned that she thought I was a good potential provider and good husband material. I rode a huffy that was stuck in 10th gear and had no brakes.. I used my foot to stop. I liked to party and was almost passing high school. I was a bad boy, I had lots of girlfriends from when I was young and I never felt like it was a huge deal to get a pretty girl to like me. I married my wife after we dated for about 7 years.. I was pushed around a bit in first grade, by second grade I learned how to defend myself. 

Alpha males get cheated on too.. don't fool yourself into thinking that reading the macho mans guide to the universe will somehow magically protect you from a cheating spouse.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Yep, there's always someone with a little more money, a little better jokes, just a little better at listening, and anything else you want to add. Sometimes, it's more a choice to love than easy.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

As long as we can blame the victim and glorify the perp, it's all good...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> Yep, there's always someone with a little more money, a little better jokes, just a little better at listening, and anything else you want to add. Sometimes, it's more a choice to love than easy.



And many affairs also "affair down"

I guess we're screwed all over


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> And many affairs also "affair down"
> 
> I guess we're screwed all over


I had forgotten this fact. We don't know what, "better", looks like to someone else. We only know what we think, looks better. 

I don't think this is gender specific, at all. I think we each have something we realize at some point we are truly looking to find, and when we think we've found it, we become unhappy with what we have. It seems easy to get and keep that new person, because of dopamine within them. 

So, the choice of breaking up rests on emotion, and the, chance, that we have found what we want. 

I've not strayed, however, it is the reason we all go married to that person in the first place. Isn't it? We took a chance. We made the best choice we could with what we knew at the time. Then, life and reality, hormonal changes, jobs and money, and most importantly, someone made themselves look like a better choice and...here we are.

In the end, we cannot say we made a bad choice at the time. Life changes us and circumstances. By life, I mean all things external to our little world which come in contact with us, that we have no control over. That's everything, except ourselves. Isn't it?

So, there is no recipe. There is no guarantee. There is only hope and doing the best we can with what we have at the time. 

I think that's true, anyway. It hurts though, cause we wanted the fantasy we built in our heads about that spouse and the life we had together. The, "love", we had for them blinded us to signs that all was not well. We thought they would tell us, if they weren't happy.

They didn't want it to be fixed. That's why they didn't say a thing. They made up their own mind for themselves without our input. We gave them more honest input by them, not talking about it with us, at least in their minds. 

All somewhat of a guess, I do think it's fairly accurate. 

Once the justification starts, it can't be stopped easily. It's such a big step for them, they have to believe even distorted truths, to keep their, "sanity". 

Just thoughts for consideration, I don't know for certain.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

russell28 said:


> don't fool yourself into thinking that reading the macho mans guide to the universe will somehow magically protect you from a cheating spouse.


I've been around too long and seen too much to be that naive. Some spouses will cheat regardless of who they married. I'll still be will to bet the ratio of beta to alpha men with cheating spouses is better than three to one.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

*Sv: Re: Adulterous women and pedestals*



ThePheonix said:


> I've been around too long and seen too much to be that naive. Some spouses will cheat regardless of who they married. I'll still be will to bet the ratio of beta to alpha men with cheating spouses is better than three to one.


So what do you say Phoenix, if I don't want to play game or PUA, or thump my chest like a gorilla, I should expect to be betrayed by my spouse?

Don't you have any advice for those who just wanna be themselves? Or are they just fvcked and need to learn how to cope with being screwed over?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

*Re: Sv: Re: Adulterous women and pedestals*



cpacan said:


> So what do you say Phoenix, if I don't want to play game or PUA, or thump my chest like a gorilla, I should expect to be betrayed by my spouse?
> 
> Don't you have any advice for those who just wanna be themselves? Or are they just fvcked and need to learn how to cope with being screwed over?


All men can do is make better choices in relationship partners.

Every military base has a population of women who will take advantage of and not really care about the soldier, they warn you about these women going into the military. It's like this in real life too.

It's up to you to find someone with values who is a good "help mate", and I don't mean helping themselves.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> I've been around too long and seen too much to be that naive. Some spouses will cheat regardless of who they married.


I've seen an advanced couple who are both very selfish. So they do nothing to help each other out, will never give each other an advantage, are adversaries in their personal space but it works out for them.. They are much happier this way. And of course cheating or whatever else outside of this space is ok by them.




ThePheonix said:


> I'll still be will to bet the ratio of beta to alpha men with cheating spouses is better than three to one.


I agree with this. Some women with selfish Alpha men will eventually cheat to get some good sex, because the most selfish Alpha male will only satisfy himself with the females body, she won't get anything out of it unless she happens to upon his way to climax.


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## MrsDraper (May 27, 2013)

Wait - did that first post have a point?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> I've been around too long and seen too much to be that naive. Some spouses will cheat regardless of who they married. I'll still be will to bet the ratio of beta to alpha men with cheating spouses is better than three to one.


By this sites standards I am definitely an alpha guy, which by the way I hate that word, and I was cheated on. Also according to many I should have been the one to cheat since the stereotype is all cops cheat 

But in my experience and I will say it again......Cheating isn't a gender issue but one of character. Cheating is a choice not something that happens to us because of the bad behavior of the other spouse. We all make choices every day but clearly what choices people make vary.


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## Nostromo (Feb 8, 2014)

MrsDraper said:


> Wait - did that first post have a point?


Which part did you take offense to?


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