# how to break the news?



## niki_fang (Jan 13, 2013)

My boyfriend got me pregnant in high school, and we have been together since; however, we barely knew each other back then. The more I DID get to know him, the less I really wanted to be with him. It was quite the contrary for him, though, and he says that he can't live without me... and that's the thing, I know it's true. I practically take care of him as if he were a child. He wakes up when I get him up, I lay out his clothes, do his laundry, make all of his meals, run his errands, do the shopping, take care of our daughter, pick up his mess... it goes on forever... all the while i'm also a full time student and part time tattoo artist. Needless to say, I don't love this man... in fact most days I can't hardly stand him... but I have grown compassionate towards him and it pains me to see him hurt. He is fully aware of my unhappiness in our relationship but is convinced that he can change enough to fix it, though I know I just simply don't love him and he isn't the man for me. over the past couple years i have grown to love someone else, however, and he has recently told me that the connection is mutual. He is PERFECT for me to a T and I feel confident that I will never get this kind of chance for happiness again. My biggest dilemma is trying to find a way to make it all work. I want to be with this other man and am way too good to cheat on the father of my child. I don't know how to break it off with him either though... I already tried once and he came back in pieces on my doorstep swearing he would do anything to have another chance (and my dumb ass let him cry on my shoulder). Now I really want to end it for good and go on with my life. I know that this will be what is best for me and for my little girl (considering she doesn't need to be raised in an unhappy environment)... i guess i just need help with how to break it to him gently and then not bend when he falls on his knees in tears....


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I was that guy. The girl I was with was doing all the same things for me though happily we didn't have a child together. I didn't know then but she felt the same way as you do. One day she told me we were done and she didn't want to see me any more. I was crushed and felt like my world had ended.

I think you need to just tell him you need to move on and so does he. You'll still have to share custody of your child for the rest of your life. But it's just best to rip the band-aid off.

Here I am 30 years later. I married the love of my life and have been happy for 25 years with her. I don't know what happened to the girl that dumped me. 

All this to say that he'll be alright. And thank you for not cheating on him. Read a few stories here and you'll see why. Cheating robs you of far more than it would rob your boyfriend.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are you and he?

How long have you been together?


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## niki_fang (Jan 13, 2013)

thanks  that actually helps getting a veiwpoint from the other side....


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

And one other thing. Yes, I really hurt for a while, I hated her for a while but you know what? It was really the kick in the a$$ I needed to get my life in gear. It was a great motivator for me to better myself to show her what a great guy she was losing. The thing is, had I stayed with her I never would have been that great guy. I would have been a lifelong loser. We were toxic for one another and didn't realize it.

All this to say is that this may be the greatest favor you ever do him. No guarantees, your mileage may vary and all that but in my case it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Best of luck, hon.


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## behappy123 (Jan 5, 2013)

Having a relationship end when one person still wants to be in it can be crushing. That being said, you cannot sacrifice your happiness because you are afraid to hurt his feelings. And you certainly cannot stay with someone just for the sake of your child, especially if you never loved him to begin with. 

My advice to you is to rip the band aid off as soon as possible. DO NOT let it continue to get drawn out because that will give him false hope. 

His reaction is only showing that A. he loves you and B. he is very insecure and cannot wrap his head around the fact that you can't make someone love you. 

It may hurt at first for him but someday, he will be able to move on and find the love of his life too.


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