# Personal grooming, and sex impact & appeal



## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

Has this forum addressed the topic of personal grooming and impact on sex? 

My wife thinks men should be "hairy" and it is just natural, so she is not in favor of any man-scaping, and almost acts of if the idea of it is a turn off. I have no issue with her having an opinion and being confident in what she likes and does not like, but sometimes too much pubic hair is not overly comfortable. I am fine with her not wanting it trimmed too short (picky...I know....not fun), but when I even do a minor trim, she seems to act disappointed. Same with my chest hair. If it starts coming out the top of my shirt, I trim it. It has nothing to do wit her, it is because I dont like it.

I dont ask her to groom in any particular way. She does what she feels is best for her.

I feel stuck, that if I do any cleanup of any kind, she acts less sexually attracted to me. 

Do other women feel that passionate about it one way or another? Assuming hygiene is always good, does hair grooming have that much impact on the sexual appeal? 

I know I have opinions on female grooming that I think some ways are sexier than others, but I never feel negative or turned off by any style. 

Do I just give in and follow my wife's preference? It would not be the end of the world for me, it just seems a bit petty an odd to have minor adjustments to body hair have any impact at all on how she views me? I would TOTALLY understand if I was stubble and it hurt her during sex, or was doing something extreme, but in my case, I am just talking about a minor trim to keep things in check. 

Any advise from the ladies? Is this type of things that big of a deal? I asked a male friend of mine this weekend, and he said his wife is insistent that he has zero pubic hair. Nothing wrong with zero pubes, if that is what people are into, but again, seemed odd to me that it was such a huge thing for both my wife and his...each having very specific expectations.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Ahhh shoot.

Maybe this can go both ways, depending on m/f answering but I'll say groom it the way you like. 

I'll admit I like DWs a certain way although I'm not insistent on it.

Probably a double standard to be tossed about somewhere.


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Ahhh shoot.
> 
> Maybe this can go both ways, depending on m/f answering but I'll say groom it the way you like.
> 
> ...


but if DW's happens to not groom in your preferred way, I assume it is not a turn off, just not necessarily what you prefer?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

And you're right, it's not a turn off, just a preference. Like chocolate or vanilla ice cream. I like both but will have vanilla 99% of the time. But like chocolate very much, too.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Here is my question... does her actions change when you have long or trimmed body hair or is it Just her verbally telling you things? 

Do you see a difference in the amount of times she initiates or gives you blow jobs? Because it’s one thing to verbally suggest or complain, and it’s another thing to flat out stop doing something because you don’t like their grooming.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I would tell her that it hurts your feelings that you doing something to make yourself more comfortable makes her act the way she does. Turn it around on her and let her see it from your point of view. Does she eschew 6 inch high-heels (they hurt my feet), to-the-waist hair (long hair gives me headaches), etc?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Married_in_michigan said:


> My wife thinks men should be "hairy" and it is just natural, so she is not in favor of any man-scaping, and almost acts of if the idea of it is a turn off. I have no issue with her having an opinion and being confident in what she likes and does not like, but sometimes too much pubic hair is not overly comfortable. I am fine with her not wanting it trimmed too short (picky...I know....not fun), but when I even do a minor trim, she seems to act disappointed. Same with my chest hair. If it starts coming out the top of my shirt, I trim it. It has nothing to do wit her, it is because I dont like it.
> 
> I dont ask her to groom in any particular way. She does what she feels is best for her.
> 
> ...


My answer to preferences or wants in a marriage really depends on how much it matters to each of you. In other words, is this the hill you want to die on. Will being manscaped have a bigger effect on you or her? If being natural is a deal breaker to you, then tell her so and ask that she not bring it up again. But just because it's your deal breaker, doesn't mean she has to force herself to like it. She may well find it unattractive enough that she loses sexual attraction to you. Her preference is not any more or less petty than any preference you might have with regards to her appearance. It's what you find attractive and changing that is going to affect your attraction to that person.

Is there an ability for compromise on this issue? Can you let it grow out a little so that it's not gone but it's not natural length?


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Married_in_michigan said:


> Has this forum addressed the topic of personal grooming and impact on sex?
> 
> My wife thinks men should be "hairy" and it is just natural, so she is not in favor of any man-scaping, and almost acts of if the idea of it is a turn off. I have no issue with her having an opinion and being confident in what she likes and does not like, but sometimes too much pubic hair is not overly comfortable. I am fine with her not wanting it trimmed too short (picky...I know....not fun), but when I even do a minor trim, she seems to act disappointed. Same with my chest hair. If it starts coming out the top of my shirt, I trim it. It has nothing to do wit her, it is because I dont like it.
> 
> ...


Seems a compromise is in order. Sometimes you trim it some...keep it neat. Sometimes you grow it out for her. She just has to deal during the times you trim it. I do not like beards. My wife likes the way I look when I grow it out some. I might grow it out from time to time for her but for most of the year it is clean shaven.

BTW, we loved our visit to St. Joseph, South Haven and Frankenmuth.
Are you upper or lower peninsula?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Married_in_michigan said:


> Is this type of things that big of a deal? I asked a male friend of mine this weekend, and he said his wife is insistent that he has zero pubic hair. Nothing wrong with zero pubes, if that is what people are into, but again, seemed odd to me that it was such a huge thing for both my wife and his...each having very specificexpectations.


Am a lady. For me, yeah, it's that big of a deal. I find man-scaping a total turn-off.


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

hinterdir said:


> Seems a compromise is in order. Sometimes you trim it some...keep it neat. Sometimes you grow it out for her. She just has to deal during the times you trim it. I do not like beards. My wife likes the way I look when I grow it out some. I might grow it out from time to time for her but for most of the year it is clean shaven.
> 
> BTW, we loved our visit to St. Joseph, South Haven and Frankenmuth.
> Are you upper or lower peninsula?


I guess, after consideration of all the replies, it is not a huge deal to just let it grow. I may still sneak a trim of chest hair on occasion (I hate when it comes out the top of my shirt), but I will leave the rest the way she likes it. Its not even the length that she has issue with....she thinks it is not sexy for a man to groom hair at all. Its the act of doing it, that is a turn off for her. She feels a "man should just be a man" and let things go natural


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> Am a lady. For me, yeah, it's that big of a deal. I find man-scaping a total turn-off.


thanks for the feedback. I want my wife to find me attractive, so I will just leave the hair alone


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

hinterdir said:


> Seems a compromise is in order. Sometimes you trim it some...keep it neat. Sometimes you grow it out for her. She just has to deal during the times you trim it. I do not like beards. My wife likes the way I look when I grow it out some. I might grow it out from time to time for her but for most of the year it is clean shaven.
> 
> BTW, we loved our visit to St. Joseph, South Haven and Frankenmuth.
> Are you upper or lower peninsula?


I am lower peninsula (suburb of Detroit), but also love the Michigan west coast


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Married_in_michigan said:


> Its not even the length that she has issue with....she thinks it is not sexy for a man to groom hair at all. Its the act of doing it, that is a turn off for her. She feels a "man should just be a man" and let things go natural


Vigorously nodding in agreement with your wife.



Married_in_michigan said:


> I am lower peninsula (suburb of Detroit), but also love the Michigan west coast


Dude, I'm from SE MI. Lived here all my life. It's freakin cold here 2/3 of the year. Of course she likes a warm furry man! 😄


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

TMI from me.

I am manly man and my body hair is like flowing woven steel.

Apparently when I man-scape, the flowing woven steel that frames my junk so nicely turns into a burning torrent of pins and broken glass.

My SO has forbidden any man-scapping as she doesn't like her body to be steel wooled during sex.

Could that be the reason your wife doesn't like you to man-scape?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Hair conditioner isn't just for the hair on your head. Just sayin'.


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> Vigorously nodding in agreement with your wife.
> 
> 
> Dude, I'm from SE MI. Lived here all my life. It's freakin cold here 2/3 of the year. Of course she likes a warm furry man! 😄


that is true, as we live in SE MI...lol

After hearing the feedback, I will just stay with what she likes. I think I was just a bit taken back by it, so vented a bit on TAM. If I told her to shave a certain way, and that I was not attracted to her if not, it would not go over well. She is fine with hearing my preferences, but more as a request, not a negative turn off. 

Oh well....you have to do stuff sometimes, just to keep your spouse happy. As the HD partner, I surely dont want to do anything that takes away her interest in sex.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I don't like bare men looking like Jared Kushner. I wonder if he has any hair down south. Very unattractive to me. 

I like hair in all the manly places. I don't need any manscape. The only thing I don't feel attracted to is a hairy back. Other than that, I don't mind a hairy man.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

"Bird don't make nest in bare tree" James Bond


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Numb26 said:


> "Bird don't make nest in bare tree" James Bond


As played by Sean Connery with his gorgeous chest pelt. nomm nommm


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

MJJEAN said:


> Vigorously nodding in agreement with your wife.
> 
> 
> Dude, I'm from SE MI. Lived here all my life. It's freakin cold here 2/3 of the year. Of course she likes a warm furry man! 😄


Right on the doorstep of dem Buckeyes!


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

snerg said:


> TMI from me.
> 
> I am manly man and my body hair is like flowing woven steel.
> 
> ...


tmi huh?

Again with the acronyms everyone is understood to get. 
WSIAOOL 
FBAA
Instead of saying the actual words....I just decided to turn my thought into acronyms.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> I don't like bare men looking like Jared Kushner. I wonder if he has any hair down south. Very unattractive to me.
> 
> I like hair in all the manly places. I don't need any manscape. The only thing I don't feel attracted to is a hairy back. Other than that, I don't mind a hairy man.


What about attachment trimmings....running an attachment through to make 1.5" inch hairs .5" or something like that?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Married_in_michigan said:


> I guess, after consideration of all the replies, it is not a huge deal to just let it grow. I may still sneak a trim of chest hair on occasion (I hate when it comes out the top of my shirt), but I will leave the rest the way she likes it. Its not even the length that she has issue with....she thinks it is not sexy for a man to groom hair at all. Its the act of doing it, that is a turn off for her. She feels a "man should just be a man" and let things go natural


Just for a little humor - to let things go natural - how does the W feel about deodorant or toe nail clipping ?


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

hinterdir said:


> What about attachment trimmings....running an attachment through to make 1.5" inch hairs .5" or something like that?


Untrimmed hair has a soft texture. Freshly trimmed hair pokes and feels like sand paper. 

I don't mind hair.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Married_in_michigan said:


> I want my wife to find me attractive, so I will just leave the hair alone


If your wife has no problem putting hairy testicles in her mouth, I'd leave it hairy.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I'm not a fan of men being shaved down to look like 10 year old boys, but a neatly groomed man is always a plus.

Never deprive yourself of *basic* personal hygiene just because your wife "prefers" a bushy mess. Never compromise your own needs *solely* to pander to someone who 'punishes' you by being less interested in sex just because you wanted to make your region a little neater. Jesus, it's YOUR body so stop allowing her to dictate what you DO with it.


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm not a fan of men being shaved down to look like 10 year old boys, but a neatly groomed man is always a plus.
> 
> Never deprive yourself of *basic* personal hygiene just because your wife "prefers" a bushy mess. Never compromise your own needs *solely* to pander to someone who 'punishes' you by being less interested in sex just because you wanted to make your region a little neater. Jesus, it's YOUR body so stop allowing her to dictate what you DO with it.


All I ever did, was minor trimming. I have never been a fan of out of control hair. I never went bald. I agree with you, that I dont want to feel someone else is telling me what to do with my body, but at the same time, I want a lover who is sexually attracted to me, and if I know something I do is a turn off, I have to consider what implications are to me.


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## desiresmore (Oct 15, 2013)

I think it’s fine for everyone to have preferences, but I also think it’s a bit petty and somewhat controlling to enact negative consequences of some sort of that person’s preferences are not adhered to. 

Back when my wife and I were first starting to see each other naked, she had a wild, untamed bush. It was new and exciting at first but I quickly found several drawbacks that I didn’t like, such as having hairs stuck in my teeth after oral play which isn’t very sexy at all! I hinted and asked that she try trimming and it fell on deaf ears for a long time. Then out of nowhere she started trimming and keeping things nice and neat. Not only did it look better in my opinion, it also had a number of other benefits. Such as no more hair stuck in my teeth during oral play, during her period it’s a little less messy and easier to manage, etc. but never in those years of the full bush did I ever treat her differently or insist that she conform to my preferences. 

Sadly, she never had any preferences for me, but I always just did what I thought looked and felt best for my body.

It sounds like she has some control issues honestly, maybe some sort of hint of a dominant streak?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Unless it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban I don’t see what you’re bothered about.


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## MMH (Jul 19, 2018)

Married_in_michigan said:


> Has this forum addressed the topic of personal grooming and impact on sex?
> 
> My wife thinks men should be "hairy" and it is just natural, so she is not in favor of any man-scaping, and almost acts of if the idea of it is a turn off. I have no issue with her having an opinion and being confident in what she likes and does not like, but sometimes too much pubic hair is not overly comfortable. I am fine with her not wanting it trimmed too short (picky...I know....not fun), but when I even do a minor trim, she seems to act disappointed. Same with my chest hair. If it starts coming out the top of my shirt, I trim it. It has nothing to do wit her, it is because I dont like it.
> 
> ...


She’s a lucky girl that you’re so conscientious about personal hygiene! I have to beg my husband to clean himself, let alone shave!!! Or brush his teeth! When we were dating, he was great about it. Nowadays, he’s like ...whatever. Anyhow, it’s a turn off. Not sure what your lady’s hang up is, but maybe it’s a cultural difference 
Good luck


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

hinterdir said:


> tmi huh?
> 
> Again with the acronyms everyone is understood to get.
> WSIAOOL
> ...


TMI





LMGTFY


For all those people who find it more convenient to bother you with their question rather than search it for themselves.




lmgtfy.com





SO





LMGTFY


For all those people who find it more convenient to bother you with their question rather than search it for themselves.




lmgtfy.com






These are vague (being that you just created them):
WSIAOOL We Sit in an oblong Oval Lake
FBAA Fear Before Absolute Aardvarks

Am I close?


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## Marriednatlanta (Sep 21, 2016)

I could get a full body wax and it would go unnoticed


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

this story for me seems to go on and on and on....,.

My beautiful wife has been asking me to have a beard for a while now. I have worn a beard a few times over the years, but not my normal grooming. She often mentions that she finds beards sexy.

So......I grew a beard.....wife told me she liked the way it looks.....wife now tells me every day how "picky" it is.....I shave the beard this morning....she tells me she liked the beard.

I think she likes the visual of a man with hair, but does not like what comes along with that. A no-win situation....


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## desiresmore (Oct 15, 2013)

Wow that is quite confusing, talk about mixed signals. I have no advice but I can certainly sympathize.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Married_in_michigan said:


> this story for me seems to go on and on and on....,.
> 
> My beautiful wife has been asking me to have a beard for a while now. I have worn a beard a few times over the years, but not my normal grooming. She often mentions that she finds beards sexy.
> 
> ...


My wife is the same. There however seems to be a magical beard length that is not too short and prickly nor too long and tickly. 

I would say it falls right in between 1/8" and 1/4" and just feels soft to the touch. 

It is kind of like Goldie Locks and the three beards. Heaven forbid I go to kiss my wife and my beard tickles her nose and makes her crinkle her toes.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Married_in_michigan said:


> All I ever did, was minor trimming. ......... I want a lover who is sexually attracted to me, and if I know something I do is a turn off, I have to consider what implications are to me.


Count yourself lucky if this is the most serious sexual issue you have to work out in your marriage. In fact, just do what she wants as if this is your most serious issue you have no real problems. Otherwise focus on the serious issues.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Married_in_michigan said:


> I think she likes the visual of a man with hair, but does not like what comes along with that. A no-win situation....


Husband grew a beard for me. It's hot. Until it's not hot. Like when we kiss and a hair pokes my nose or when it get's a bit too long or has been trimmed too short and the hair feels rougher. So, what you're looking for is the beard sweet spot where it's full and manly, but the hairs are long enough to be soft to the touch. Conditioner helps. I think there are even some beard conditioners out there, but most guys I knew who discussed grooming rituals seemed to just use regular hair product daily.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Not crazy about the visual of just a mustache but a neat beard is fine. A smooth face a great too. 

But I like body hair on a man. It's just.....rugged. Men with shaved chests or genitals are a turn off for me, though if you just have a naturally hairless chest that's ok. I do have my limits though so trimming would be fine with me, but i think it's nice to consider your partner's preferences as long as its not uncomfortable, you don't hate it, and its not creepy. 

But it is helpful to consider texture changes with grooming. It has been pointed out that this can result in course hair that scratches, and pretty much nobody likes stubble.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

I look at this from a very different perspective. How awesome it is that his wife gives feedback on what she likes. Ask for MORE (feedback). This is so much better than "do what you want" or "fine with me. Whatever." 

It's fine to have the freedom to do what you want with yourself, but for some of us, it's even better to have a spouse that tells us what does it for him or her. How many of us feel like we're operating without a roadmap, even after years of marriage? How many of us have asked our spouse what they like, what they dislike, and not had a meaningful response?

I think OP is a very lucky guy.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Married_in_michigan said:


> Has this forum addressed the topic of personal grooming and impact on sex?
> 
> My wife thinks men should be "hairy" and it is just natural, so she is not in favor of any man-scaping, and almost acts of if the idea of it is a turn off. I have no issue with her having an opinion and being confident in what she likes and does not like, but sometimes too much pubic hair is not overly comfortable. I am fine with her not wanting it trimmed too short (picky...I know....not fun), but when I even do a minor trim, she seems to act disappointed. Same with my chest hair. If it starts coming out the top of my shirt, I trim it. It has nothing to do wit her, it is because I dont like it.
> 
> ...


I think most women would not be wanting more body hair. Less if anything. But it takes all kinds. Since you're hairy that is probably why she was attracted to you. I think most women would be put off by it and want you to trim and or shave. But she's the one in your life. 

I don't think you should cave into her though about making yourself look good in clothes and not have hair hanging out everywhere because you know you do have to have a job and get out in public and not everyone is the hair freak she is.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Just be comfortable. However you need to do it to be comfortable yourself. If someone wants you uncomfortable for their own pleasure, I think that says a lot about their true feelings for you.


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## Chaotic (Jul 6, 2013)

I'm a woman, and I guess I never thought this stuff was that big of a deal. My guy's grooming is interesting to me (aw, you're growing a beard? I love it! Aw, you shaved it? Look at your handsome clean-shaven face!) but I don't feel strongly about it one way or the other. It would annoy the crap out of me if he were that picky about my bodily grooming choices, and so it doesn't occur to me to be that picky about his.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Simple.

I trim things the way I like it, we're fortunate that's the way she likes it too. 
Btw I'm not in the hairy bear category. Do have a short beard and mustache. 

She must trim things things the way I want her to, happily that's what she likes too.

Or I'll tie her down and do it myself. At my leisure. Thoroughly enjoying myself and creating her enjoyment too. Which we do at times anyway, she likes that also.

Come to think of it, this whole situation works out quite well for me.

Nevermind. 😉😉👍👍😎😎


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Married_in_michigan said:


> this story for me seems to go on and on and on....,.
> 
> My beautiful wife has been asking me to have a beard for a while now. I have worn a beard a few times over the years, but not my normal grooming. She often mentions that she finds beards sexy.
> 
> ...


My wife also loves the look of a beard, but doesn't like to be poked by it when kissing or doing other such things.

Use beard oil. It solves the problem entirely.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> My wife also loves the look of a beard, but doesn't like to be poked by it when kissing or doing other such things.
> 
> Use beard oil. It solves the problem entirely.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


good suggestion.....why didn't I think of that. lol


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I can say "when doing other things" is when the W says she really really likes the beard.

Likes the additional texture in tender areas....


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