# Can friends ruin your relationship?



## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

Has anyone ever had the problem with their significant other's friend coming on to them? And if so has anyone given in or told your significant other about their best friends coming on to you?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

A long, long time ago, one of my friend's wives came on to me very hard and strong. I just shut her down and didn't say anything to anyone.
My wife knows about it now, but at the time I didn't tell her. I stopped it and didn't see any need to cause any trouble.

I think that if it were to happen again, I would let my wife and friend know right away.


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## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

isnt weird how the people we trust most, go against us?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My bf's EA told him to dump me so that they could date each other. He turned her down, of course, but I think that is key information.

For one, my bf avoided all situations in which to introduce us despite the fact that he kept framing her as a good friend. So he may have decided that she would be a loose cannon around me.

I have to admit if I had experienced any rude behaviour from her and then later find out that "offer" she made to him, I would be furious. 

I don't think she ever wanted to date him in the traditional sense, I think she just liked having him around as a eunuch guaranteed to solve her attention needs.

And I don't think friends can ruin marriages simply by making a pass at one of the marriage partners. Any time, one spouse puts the needs --even non-sexual ones-- of someone else above those of their spouse, well, you have a problem.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I've had two of my husband's friends come too close for my comfort zone. One friend grabbed my hand to hold it(he was single) and another friend put his arm around me(he had a revenge affair on his wife). 

I was not happy about either since my husband and children are only allowed in my personal bubble and to touch me. This was probably nothing, but I do think it was uncalled for. I never told my husband either. I quit hanging out with his friends.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*needaunderstand* said:


> Has anyone ever had the problem with their significant other's friend coming on to them? And if so has anyone given in or told your significant other about their best friends coming on to you?


I can't say me or my husband has ever had this problem.... all of our friends, his & mine ....immediately became "our friends" when we became a couple...they are just really good hearted people... they all know how very close we are ....like glued to each other's hip. 

They also know how I tell my husband every living thing under the sun....that transparency thing...so they wouldn't even go there if the thought entered their mind.... I am not the type to fall for anything -unless I wanted it too... and I wouldn't betray a good man like that. I would respect him enough to never lie. 

2 of my Gf's would love to clone my husband so they could have one .....but it is all in fun joking.... never a real Pass. Even though he is more passive than the average man, I know he would put a stop to that. And he tells me EVERYTHING also... which we both hold very very dear. 

As it should be. I would WANT to know, he would want to know. If he didn't share and I found out later... he would be in the doghouse. Just cause. I don't need my feelings spared...that would tick me off! 



> Can friends ruin your relationship?


 My answer... Only if we allow them. The beginning of every slippery slope leading to this place is...the temptation to keep secrets from our spouse. Once you reveal it, it changes the whole dynamic of the situation.... it looses it's "power" even.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Would never happen because I'm not my wife's friends type.

And to be quite honest I dont really have "friends". And that's by choice.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

To answer your question - no, true friends will not ruin your friendship. A number of fake people will. It's unfortunate. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

*needaunderstand* said:


> Has anyone ever had the problem with their significant other's friend coming on to them? And if so has anyone given in or told your significant other about their best friends coming on to you?


I haven't had H's friends coming on to me. He doesn't have a very large friend circle and the ones he has are pretty decent guys. 

However, if such a thing was to happen .... my response would depend on the extent of their "coming on to me". If it is something vague or subtle (e.g. flirting etc) initially I would try to send them very clear signals that such a thing is not allowed or going to be tolerated. I would try to do that using the general body language and facial expressions to encourage them to "back off"

If that doesn't work or if the extent of their coming on crosses the line of decency (e.g. touching etc) I would certainly involve my H since he is the one that signed up to protect me from jerks, even though they might be his friends. I would be careful in conveying what I need to convey, and thereafter would expect my H to trust me on this and take the appropriate actions such as staying away from the inappropriate friend.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Good Dog, are you the BS in your relationship?


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## Good Dog (Mar 28, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> Good Dog, are you the BS in your relationship?


Yes, indeed.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

*needaunderstand* said:


> Has anyone ever had the problem with their significant other's friend coming on to them? And if so has anyone given in or told your significant other about their best friends coming on to you?


Early in my marriage, I had one of my wife's few close friends invite me to her apartment to "Do my thing". She was my wife's bride's maid. I turned her down. I didn't tell my wife until years later. With in a year or so the tension ended their relationship. At the time I felt too uncomfortable to tell her. Now I see that was a mistake. Later she confided to me about how bad she felt, about how the relationship ended. That's when I told her that, her friend was not a friend. Needless to say she was hurt by the betrayal.

Tell him. It won't ruin your marriage.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

We've never had this problem.

I do feel the need to say that other people can only ruin a marriage if you allow it. 

Anyone who threatens our union is left out of our life.


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## Glenn Quagmire (Jun 13, 2012)

It flat out amazes me that people still assume men and women can be friends.


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## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

so it really just depends on the bond and trust you have with your partner. they cant affect you, if you dont allow them to. you also gotta know who you are letting into your life. pick the right kind of friends to suit your lifestyle. i have family i wouldnt trust, but i know stangers that i could not have to think twice about. im thinking it depends on the person. but nobodys perfect, and that itself is a scary fact.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

*needaunderstand* said:


> *so it really just depends on the bond and trust you have with your partner.* they cant affect you, if you dont allow them to. you also gotta know who you are letting into your life. pick the right kind of friends to suit your lifestyle. i have family i wouldnt trust, but i know stangers that i could not have to think twice about. im thinking it depends on the person. but nobodys perfect, and that itself is a scary fact.


that's too abstract for me. Plus, no one has talked about how to spot a barracuda before you befriend one.

I would rather just go step by step with things. If someone starts acting "funny", around me and my partner, I will not beat myself up for not choosing the right friend. I will just simply get rid of him or her.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

Glenn Quagmire said:


> It flat out amazes me that people still assume men and women can be friends.


Giggity!


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## piggyoink (Apr 10, 2012)

I just talked to a woman last night on the phone. She told me she cooked supper with her friend and that friend's boyfriend. This is normal. We're friends.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Glenn Quagmire said:


> It flat out amazes me that people still assume men and women can be friends.


They not only assume it, they know it through long experience.

And when you get out of high school, you'll figure that out, too.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

*needaunderstand* said:


> Has anyone ever had the problem with their significant other's friend coming on to them? And if so has anyone given in or told your significant other about their best friends coming on to you?


If my SO told me that this happened,I wouldn't be calling him a best friend to me or our relationship period.He would be gone.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Ruin? Nope, not really... It takes two to tango. I had one of my wife’s friends getting rather ‘inappropriate’ with me; Like flashing me, asking me if this polish dog was about the same size, looking for ways to get me to comment on her breast, etc. She even asked me if I liked her naked pics knowing I’d run across them from one of my wife’s girl’s pool parties and asked me to photoshop some for her (my wife btw had me upload and send them to her earlier that month... apparently she cares so little she’s ok with me seeing her topless friends sunbathing)... She was also doing this in front of my wife (whom I’d discovered having affairs a few months prior to all this).. So, yes, I played along outside my comfort zone just to get a reaction out of my wife. And to my shock, my wife did nothing to ‘mark me’. 

After the party ended, I really let my wife have it. I mean seriously, who lets their friend do this with their spouse? How screwed up is my wife to allow that to happen under her roof? How freaking loose are my wife’s boundaries if flashing your boobs at a guy isn’t something ‘wrong’?. It was nearly another deal breaker moment because it made me feel totally unwanted by my own wife to actually not mind some girl practically begging me to do something. 

If you can’t tell, I’m still pissed that I actually had to have a conversation with my wife that she really should have been livid about that situation and that I really did want her to fight for me... Ugh!!!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Racer said:


> Ruin? Nope, not really... It takes two to tango. I had one of my wife’s friends getting rather ‘inappropriate’ with me; Like flashing me, asking me if this polish dog was about the same size, looking for ways to get me to comment on her breast, etc. She even asked me if I liked her naked pics knowing I’d run across them from one of my wife’s girl’s pool parties and asked me to photoshop some for her (my wife btw had me upload and send them to her earlier that month... apparently she cares so little she’s ok with me seeing her topless friends sunbathing)... She was also doing this in front of my wife (whom I’d discovered having affairs a few months prior to all this).. So, yes, I played along outside my comfort zone just to get a reaction out of my wife. And to my shock, my wife did nothing to ‘mark me’.
> 
> After the party ended, I really let my wife have it. I mean seriously, who lets their friend do this with their spouse? How screwed up is my wife to allow that to happen under her roof? How freaking loose are my wife’s boundaries if flashing your boobs at a guy isn’t something ‘wrong’?. It was nearly another deal breaker moment because it made me feel totally unwanted by my own wife to actually not mind some girl practically begging me to do something.
> 
> If you can’t tell, I’m still pissed that I actually had to have a conversation with my wife that she really should have been livid about that situation and that I really did want her to fight for me... Ugh!!!


Interesting post. It now makes me think back to certain situations and whether I reacted proportionately correctly to them. 

Not aware of a woman flashing her boobs at my partner.


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

I have had a bunch of my owns friends come on to my bf, needless to say they aren't part of our lives. I know I can trust my man, but some people will try anything to get what they and I don't trust them. My bf avoids those sort of "friends" because it makes him uncomfrtable, we are honest to each other and thats what matters, we both are willing to end any friendship that interfers in any way.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

it was my friend, and she didnt ruin the relationship per say...but she didnt act very friendly.

she would call and start in on how we were sitting there doing nothing...

we were taking advantage of the system...

when is "he"--my husband, then boyfriend--getting a job...

when are we going to stop living with my mom...

im calling CPS on you....

i dont see why i have to be friends/cordial/friendly to "him"....

you met me first--no, i didnt....

she would call 50 times a day, and want to know every thing that went on in our house. i just stopped telling her things. she had no idea we had our own apt...

she also had no idea that husband--baby daddy--had worked the entire time me and her were friends--3 years.

she would call and say something stupid, and he and i would laugh..because she didnt have the right to know any thing.

my friend would call and just unload, how much i should be grateful for her being my friend, no body would put up with me being with some guy who wouldnt support his family....

i heard daily how we were losers who didnt have our own place, we were losers mooching off the system, we just kept on having kids, our life was pathtic, and one day, when if we could...we can be as great and have as much money as she does...

so, its not like she destroyed anything, and i cant blame others actions...but it dosent feel very good when your best friend says the most hurt full things to you...that kinda sh!t just dosent leave your mind when you hang up the phone.

my husband hatted her, and when me and this friend met up 2 years later, she started with the same crap, like we were standing still. maybe she just had to put me and my family down to feel better about her own useless life....

i ended the "friend ship" 3 months after it restarted. i havent missed her at all...although i did see her in a store 3 years later, but i didnt wave to talk to her. so im good, and i know that a great friend accepts you, faults and all.

if you are not interested in their views, and cant just say, well thats them....walk away from the friendship. so, im really understanding of my friends, and they can live however they want...a long a they are my friend, and i theirs.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

oh, the best part...other than when she would call, and brag about going to the movies with her boyfriend, and how sorry she felt because we had to get movies from blockbuster rent one get one...

cause, yall cant afford how i live, and how i do things big...

she liked to brag about going to the mall with 400 dollars, and that was just some extra money we had laying around...oh you dont have cable, i do...we even getting satalite...you cant even afford regular cable...

of course, if i said we bought a movie..i would hear no end of it, you on aid, you do not get to buy movies, or go out to eat, or buy anything else other than food..and pay rent...

next week it starts all over again. these are some of the things i can remember that actually came out of her mouth....

"i feel guilty if i just cut you off.."

"you got that baby i worry about..."

"what will happen to you if i stop being in your life..."


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## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

RACER...wow that was really messed up. Are you still with that wife? nobody deserves to feel unwanted. i have a friend who read the post and she told me that she did the same thing to one of her exboyfriends, (which is totally wrong) and that she did it because she felt guilty about cheating on him, and that by getting him in a bad situation, she could feel better about herself because she wasnt the only one. so that when he found out and brought up her cheating, she could just bring up the incident and make it look like not only did you do this, but you did it in front of my face. and said she would claim that it made her depressed, so she shut down and thats why she never reacted. needless to say they are no longer together and she says she regrets it, but it made sense at the time. I hope you feel better about what happened to you.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

*needaunderstand* said:


> RACER...wow that was really messed up. Are you still with that wife? .


 Yes, still with her. Massive marriage problems and whatnot, but still slogging through it.

How it ended up. My wife, being the mentally damaged monkey she was at the time (coming out of the fog of her affairs) of coarse started accusing me of ‘encouraging’ her. I owned what I did, which was basically not setting a boundary with her friend. So, she went off and complained about it to another friend; who had the same sort of situation happen to her husband with this girl. Then the henhouse lit up. “The girls” sat down with this one girl and told her ‘hands off’ of their boyfriends and spouses. Next time I saw her, she wouldn’t come within 20 feet of me...


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

My wife and I were introduced by a very good friend of mine. Unbeknownst to me, over the years he began coming on hard to my wife, really pursuing her. My wife never told me about it. After we got married, I found out by random chance, along with a few other things she'd hidden from me.

Hiding that almost tore our marriage apart, because by not telling me about it, my wife turned one problem into two: Not only was my "good friend" trying to have an affair with my wife, but my wife's hiding it from me planted strong seeds of doubt in my mind as to her motives.


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