# Need advice..insecure hubby? Or am I the probelm?



## denamarie1 (Aug 28, 2012)

Hello all...
Let me start off by saying that I grew up in a house with 4 brothers and my dad and mom. No sisters. My mom has stated that while growing up I was quite the tomboy. Now, I certainly like my girly things, but am not afraid to get my hands dirty. My dad realized this and got me a job at one of the big 3 doing line work. Ive been there 16 years. A very male dominated line of work. I have always been comfortable around the opposite sex. Its something ive just grown up around. I dont have any issues becoming friends with guys. Mind you, I dont have a truckload of male friends. I have one male friend, that I met at work when he started 2 yrs after me. This particular man used to live in another state and moved his family here because of the job. His childhood, he had alot of female friends...he had one sister growing up and was like me, used to and comfortable with being friends with the opposite sex. 
Now, I will be honest and say that when he first moved here, he didnt bring his family right away because he had to search for a house...and before he left to come here, he and his wife were having major issues at home and this job was suppose to be hopefully a new beginning. This guy came to work in my dept and he became friends first with some people I was mutual friends with...co workers, half women half men. While all of us were having lunch at work, this particular guy had told me , in public, around other people, that " he could really start to like me if we hung out more". Now, I dont know what exactly he meant by that, I assumed...but laughed it off and that was that. That was the one and only attempt on his part of anything more than "just friends". That one comment that was made in the weeks after meeting him for the first time. I never had any feelings like that towards him..never. Our group continued to hang out and have fun at work as buds...we all would go bowling, (no further attempts at anything inappropriate were ever made by this person) etc...on occasion...eventually, our group dissapated as people trassnfered , quit, etc. It was just me and my male friend left. Over the years as friends..I had married and gotten divorced (ex cheated on me) and my male friend was always there to help me out. He covered me at work if I had to leave (without the boss knowing) it was a difficult time and he helped me out immensely as did my best female friend. After the divorce, he helped me out with things at my house, if he came over (which was only a handful of times) he brought his kids, one time he brought his wife and kids. Hes always been respectful and kind, an honest to goodness friend that you knew always had your back. If he was a true snake, he had plenty of chances to take advantage of me during my seperation and divorce, but he did not. His wife had issues with me at first, understandably so...I felt horrible about that and wrote her a letter to say how much I respected her and their marrigage. She eventually was ok with me, we all would eventually go out together socially ( my other friends, my male friend, and his wife) we all had a blast...I like my male friends wife alot. I met my current H 6 years after being friends with this male friend of mine. I was open about all the interaction with my male friend , talked about work alot so obviously his name would come up...but we really were only buds...nothing like Ive been reading on here where the wife tells her "friend" hes got pretty eyes, or a nice butt, or sneeks around to spend time with him...This guy is like family to me. Like a big brother. He and his wife actually came out to dinner with me and my family for a bday dinner of mine one year. (this was pre-current H) 
My H cannot stand the guy. Hes said he thinks hes a snake in the grass...Iv now, been friends with this guy for 12 years. As a request from my H...he asked that we not contact outside of work...see or talk. Which we didnt do much of that anyways since we both have had busy personal lives...so it was easy to oblige him that request. But as time goes on...my H is more and more irritated by the whole situation. Ive been open as far as my inetraction with my friend but at a great cost to me...my H blows up at me for things that I dont see as a big deal. EX: I lost my keys at work one day...my friend waited around to see if I could find them , I could not, so he offered to give me a lift home, then later I would have my H take me to pick it up with my spare set. I called my H to tell him ehat was going on...(I work midnites, my H is days) He was on his way to work, I was coming home..he told me to wait there, and he would come get me. I thougt, thats silly, I have a ride right here, thers no reason for you to be late for work, and Im tired and want to get home...my buddy can give me a lift. My H was not happy about this..my friend drove me home and dropped me off in the street in front of the house. He waitied to make sure I got in the door before he took off. That was it. It was all very innocent. My H came home from work that day and made a beeline for me and just went off on me, claiming that he had told me before that he didnt want him over our house ever..I dont recall that conversation...but he was pissed, over something that I could not see the issue. So, becuase he over reacts in such an angry way and we fight over what I KNOW is nothing...I have deleted texts from my friend that I thought my H would flip out over. He found out about it...( I confessed) and told him what the texts were about...but he didnt believe me. It was just us making jokes about situtations at work that I thought he would read into. It was nothing. I was just trying to save us from a needless fight. I love my H dearly and went thru alot ( him breaking up with me after 4 months of dating for another woman because I used to be heavy and he was afraid I would get heavy again...insecurities? ) I stuck it out and nevr stopped loving him, never let anyone in my family speak badly of him after breaking my heart, cause I hoped we would be together again. And we are. I love him to death. I do all I can to make him happy...but this one issue is causing us grief. In a way, I feel Im defending myself as in..I was mentally abused and lead around like a dog in my last marriage..and do NOT want to even remotely go there again. My H has some controlling tendancies...that I try to live with...day to day little things, annoying, but not major...but now he wants me to switch from nights to days. To get away from this guy. I like my shift for many reasons ( ive been on nites for years) Ive always been a night owl...always...now I have to change that too. I feel like hes asking me to change alot...and im not asking anything of him. Ive decieded to do it...soon..but am not sure its the answer.  I think my H was insecure before this got to the stage it is right now, and insecure about more than just my friend...I understand the damage ive caused by lying about text messages..and there is nothing I regret more. I didnt help the situation at all, but Ive never had to deal with this sort of thing. My ex didnt have an issue with my male friend. So, I dont know how to handle it. I messed up. But I swear, there is absolutley nothig going on. Im well aware of the statistics of co worker affairs...I see it all over, all the time at work...but its not me. Ive been on the recieving end of cheating , and its not something I would wish on my worst enemy. Im not a cheater. This male friend, to me, is no different than any other friend. Someone I can count on if need be. I have lots of real good friends...he just happens to be one of the many. 
There is no lock on my phone...I dont try to hide it. He does look thru it from time to time. 
Advice?


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Your husband has sniffed a rival. That is all. Just look at the way you write about this guy. All qualities. Your husband is "controlling" and "insecure".

You deleted messages to hide them from your husband. You ignored him when he asked you to limit contact with this other fellow. He said he was picking you up and you preferred to ride with the other dude.

Oh, and you're naive if you think this other guy goes out of his way to help you out just out of goodness of his heart. Your husband for whom you pointed only negative traits knows what is going on this other dude's head. You apparently are completely oblivious to it. 

And, here is the gist of it. Your husband is uncomfortable with this guy for very good reasons. Now, if your husband is more important to you than this other male, what is your problem? If he is just one more friend why the drama? Is your husband more important to you than this guy or not?

Advice? Cut all ties with that work colleague. Your husband sees what you cannot.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Costa nailed it. My magic eight ball tells me you're ripe and ready for picking.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I agree with the previous two posts. You're oblivious to what your h is picking up on, but it's honestly there. Stop hanging out with your "friend". If you're having trouble doing so, a hard time choosing h over friend, then what does that say about where you are channeling your emotional energy? Invest your time and energy in your relationship with your husband because you're heading for heartache if you ignore what is obvious here.


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## t_hopper_2012 (Apr 17, 2012)

Does your husband work a day shift as well? If so, why haven't you jumped on the opportunity to switch from nights to days? It would give you and your husband a lot more quality time to spend together.

Perhaps this is an underlying source of your husband's feelings. 

"Day shift" = more time with your husband and less (no) time with your male friend.
"Night shift" = less time with your husband and more time with your male friend.

For six years, you have chosen to spend more of your waking hours with somebody that your husband sees as a rival. (And he is a rival, by the way. At the very least for your time and perhaps for your affection).


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

I've let friends go that I've had since childhood....for my husband. The bottom line is, you are married and your husband comes first. You shouldn't let other people come between you.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

costa200 said:


> Your husband has sniffed a rival. That is all. Just look at the way you write about this guy. All qualities. Your husband is "controlling" and "insecure".
> 
> You deleted messages to hide them from your husband. You ignored him when he asked you to limit contact with this other fellow. He said he was picking you up and you preferred to ride with the other dude.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Let's just say I am jumping on the bandwagon.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Ditto.

See a trend here?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Band wagon pulls up

Toffer hops on too


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The writing was on the wall when you first knew 

_he and his wife were having major issues at home 

How did you know that? You shouldn't know jack about his marriage.

While all of us were having lunch at work, this particular guy had told me , in public, around other people, that " he could really start to like me if we hung out more". Now, I dont know what exactly he meant by that, I assumed...but laughed it off and that was that. That was the one and only attempt on his part of anything more than "just friends". 

Putting out feelers to see if you were down for something more

His wife had issues with me at first, understandably so...I felt horrible about that and wrote her a letter to say how much I respected her and their marrigage.

You said it yourself 'understandably so.' Omg. Seriously if you had to go as far as to write her a letting explaining things to her after understanding her viewpoint, then you KNEW it was inappropriate. If you had better boundaries or respected her then you would have backed way off once you found out she wasn't into this situation.

...I have deleted texts from my friend that I thought my H would flip out over. He found out about it...( I confessed) and told him what the texts were about...but he didnt believe me. It was just us making jokes about situtations at work that I thought he would read into.* It was nothing*_

_If those texts were just "nothing" then you wouldn't have deleted them._

Your husband can smell this guy from far away. Don't try to play this like you don't know. You seem like a smart lady. From everything you have written, it's clear to see why your hub doesn't like this guy and why this guy's wife got a funny feeling about you and him. 

If you can honestly sit there and say you do not understand why, then you have Much. Bigger. Problems. I actually do not buy that yo uare so "oblivious" as some other posters have stated. I think you know fuoll well why your husband takes issue. I mean, just read everything I posted at the top. 

If I am EVER around another woman and get a sense she doesn't like me around her man, I back way the hell off. (And women can sense this in other woman--womanly intuition and all--which, on the flip, I wonder if guys can sense this about other guys? Can they?) It's the respectful thing to do. You, however, continued hanging out with them. 

This is about boundaries. What's more important? Your marriage or this dude? 

Now, I would talk to your husband about the other stuff and how it makes you feel because while he is spot on, you also need to feel not smothered. But you both need to show eachother through actions that you trust eachother.

Nip this in the bud NOW.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Wow. I love how the word INSECURE is thrown around. 

Insecurity is not feeling secure about a situation with NO BASIS FOR SAID FEELING an example of a man's insecurity- "My wife orgasms every time we make love, her toes curl, she exclaims right after "OMG LIFE COULDN"T BE BETTER"....but I worry that my penis is too small" THAT is being insecure.

There's another word for what your husband is....A REALIST!!!! 

Lets flip the switch.

Your husband has a woman at work who's become his "best friend". They talk about everything including your husband complaining about you to her. Maybe you didn't give him sex one night and he said to her "Dang I was horny, still am, and she was just cold". Then you want to meet him for lunch one day and instead you get things like "Oh no honey, I'm going out to lunch with Stephanie, sorry (this is your driving home thing)". Then there are text messages that this wonderful saintly Stephanie has been sending to your husband that he deleted BECAUSE HE DIDN"T WANT YOU TO SEE THEM...but honest...they were innocent and he shouldn't worry about it....So put that picture together (plus add in a bunch more things that were probably smaller that you with your radar up would pick up but he wouldn't mention). Exactly what would you be thinking about your hubby and his new BFF Stephanie?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

You said you have lots of friends so it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to keep this man to co-worker only & stop talking about him around your husband.

I believe you that you don't have romantic feelings for him, but you REALLY, REALLY LIKE HIM. You think he is awesome & wonderful.

It makes your husband feel insecure, having this friend causes marital problems whether you like it or not or feel it is not fair - doesn't matter to your husband, he feels what he feels.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Since you work nights you're probably asleep but I think your husband has a point. Even if you are virtueous WorkingonMe has a good point. You're ripe.

Your male friend may have never tried anything with you but a man's instinct in these situations should not be written off as insecurity. It could very well just mean your male friend has romantic feelings for you in addition to physical and he's wrestling with them. The biological imperative WILL eventually take over though. Its what we men do.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

OP,

Get the message yet? It's not him, it's ALL YOU!


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## Dewy (Aug 29, 2012)

you are in an EA and take it from a guy most of your guy friends would have sex with you if you gave them a chance. 

do you want to stay married to your husband? who is more important your guy FRIEND or your husbands feelings. you are not safe to be married to right n ow


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Dad&Hubby said:


> *Lets flip the switch.*
> 
> *Your husband has a woman at work who's become his "best friend". They talk about everything including your husband complaining about you to her.* Maybe you didn't give him sex one night and he said to her "Dang I was horny, still am, and she was just cold". Then you want to meet him for lunch one day and instead you get things like "Oh no honey, I'm going out to lunch with Stephanie, sorry (this is your driving home thing)". *Then there are text messages that this wonderful saintly Stephanie has been sending to your husband that he deleted BECAUSE HE DIDN"T WANT YOU TO SEE THEM...but honest...they were innocent and he shouldn't worry about it.*...So put that picture together (plus add in a bunch more things that were probably smaller that you with your radar up would pick up but he wouldn't mention). Exactly what would you be thinking about your hubby and his new BFF Stephanie?


Nail. Head. All of it.

In a lot of these situations the "flip the script" rule applies. How would YOU feel if you were your husband?

Probably not very good.


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## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

I think only half the OP's post has been read and responded to here. Is anyone reading the husband's actions? He once dumped her 'in case' she was going to get fat one day. He yells and screams at her over things he's unhappy about, instead of discussing them and working out a solution or compromise. He's showing NO respect to her whatsoever, but she's supposed to cater to his every whim to keep him happy and quiet?

To the OP I would suggest trying to go cold turkey with your friendship to this guy, let him know the situation and that you value his friendship but right now you're going to focus on your husband. Keep your transparency, but don't let your H walk all over you. I personally suspect that once he's lost this thing to rage about, he'll find something else to get worked up over and start demanding more and more restrictions from you, but if he magically turns into a loving, calm, respectful man overnight as soon as you give up your friendship, then it might be worth the effort to try that, because he IS your husband and should come before friendships.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Jane_Doe said:


> I think only half the OP's post has been read and responded to here. Is anyone reading the husband's actions? He once dumped her 'in case' she was going to get fat one day. He yells and screams at her over things he's unhappy about, instead of discussing them and working out a solution or compromise. He's showing NO respect to her whatsoever, but she's supposed to cater to his every whim to keep him happy and quiet?
> 
> To the OP I would suggest trying to go cold turkey with your friendship to this guy, let him know the situation and that you value his friendship but right now you're going to focus on your husband. Keep your transparency, but don't let your H walk all over you. I personally suspect that once he's lost this thing to rage about, he'll find something else to get worked up over and start demanding more and more restrictions from you, but if he magically turns into a loving, calm, respectful man overnight as soon as you give up your friendship, then it might be worth the effort to try that, because he IS your husband and should come before friendships.


Great point Jane. When people come on forums like this, my natural reaction is to look at what they're doing because that's what they have control over.

I think you have a great point and the OP can even take it a step further. She should dump the OM's friendship and then require her husband to go to MC and possibly even IC for him if he rages that much. When both people in a marriage are acting poorly to the other, it's hard to see where the problem starts and where it stops because it's invariably always a cycle.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

This is the kind of BS my W has pulled, and she could have written a lot of that 1st post. I've heard the classics...

-Ewww, he's like a brother.
-I'm a guy's girl! (similar to your "I'm a tomboy!" line)
-I've known him for years, and he has NEVER come on to me.

You're fooling yourself if you really think this "friend" doesn't want to get your legs in the air. In my W's case, after finding her old friend on FB after 20 years, the guy waited about a week before coming on to her. A "snake in the grass," to use your words, can wait decades before he makes his move.


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## Fightingtilltheend (Jun 15, 2012)

Since ive gone through this I might seem harsh.....but plain and simple...you are married...Your husband is suppose to be the most important man in the world to you...granted there is a difference in giving up your life for your husband because he is controlling but I do not think thats it. Ask yourself....what, who is much more important than your husband, marriage?


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

The three most common spin the blame descriptions by a cheater...

They are controlling
They are insecure
They are jealous


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Jane_Doe said:


> I think only half the OP's post has been read and responded to here. Is anyone reading the husband's actions? He once dumped her 'in case' she was going to get fat one day. He yells and screams at her over things he's unhappy about, instead of discussing them and working out a solution or compromise. He's showing NO respect to her whatsoever, but she's supposed to cater to his every whim to keep him happy and quiet?
> 
> To the OP I would suggest trying to go cold turkey with your friendship to this guy, let him know the situation and that you value his friendship but right now you're going to focus on your husband. Keep your transparency, but don't let your H walk all over you. I personally suspect that once he's lost this thing to rage about, he'll find something else to get worked up over and start demanding more and more restrictions from you, but if he magically turns into a loving, calm, respectful man overnight as soon as you give up your friendship, then it might be worth the effort to try that, because he IS your husband and should come before friendships.


I didnt miss that part. But personally I think people here are either lying or forgetting that husbands yell and generally act like asses sometimes. So it didnt really have an impact on my answer. I dont think the problem is his...I think it's more on her end. She just doesnt realize what goes on in our heads...both of them.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

OP, I ignored many of the things which causes your H grief.
Twenty years later, I found out that I was only a meal ticket.
If your H has a past where he battled infidelity, (his or his previous SO) then he can easily read something into your actions that isn't there.
Regarding his leaving you because he "thought" you might one day become fat, you should have dumped him on that premise, alone.


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

dena, I grew up in very similar shoes. And I'll say what you seem to refuse to: you don't view him like a brother. You're attracted to him, and if he made a bold physical move, you'd give in. I know. I had to break off a budding "friendship" because I sensed what could happen. My husband never said anything about it, but I could also sense his unease with it. Out of respect for us _both_, I cut the ties.

Woman up. Cut off contact. Then get yourself and your husband into MC.


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## Fightingtilltheend (Jun 15, 2012)

This is me said:


> The three most common spin the blame descriptions by a cheater...
> 
> They are controlling
> They are insecure
> They are jealous


Couldnt agree more...she hit all those points. Sometimes the cheater uses that to justify what they are doing. But they forget to look at themselves and maybe just maybe...their spouse is all those things..because it is a reaction to their spouses stupidity. LOL sorry...but Im going through this so a little peed off lol!


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

How long have you been married? My first thoughts are to change shifts for him and stop texting the guy. Then see if your husband finds something else about you to "focus" on. If he does, then I might think he's controlling, etc.


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## SilentAngel (Aug 29, 2012)

I would just say, if you were to turn the situation around and you were on the receiving end how would you feel and wouldn't you be expecting the exact same thing from your husband to do? Besides you said that you never had any feelings for this friend and your husband is not making an unreasonable request, he could have asked you to stop talking to him completely.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

yeah this wont go far/long


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

I was in a thread where it went off on a tangent about how men don't put that much effort into a friendship with a woman they didn't want to screw. It got kind of funny (Summary, Women: "NO WAY". Men: "WAY").

It got kind of funny in that we men won by default (we have the penis and the urges, women don't). It got pretty obvious who was right. What was REALLY funny was that most women had NO CLUE it was going on.

Sorry. I threw "funny" into a serious problem of yours too many times.

He LIKES you , likes you. You just don't know it. Your husband does.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

SilentAngel said:


> I would just say, if you were to turn the situation around and you were on the receiving end *how would you feel *and wouldn't you be expecting the exact same thing from your husband to do?


DING! Spot on.

Answer that honestly--how would YOU feel??? Nobody ever seems to answer that! Dang it!



MrK said:


> I was in a thread where it went off on a tangent about how men don't put that much effort into a friendship with a woman they didn't want to screw. It got kind of funny *(Summary, Women: "NO WAY". Men: "WAY").*
> 
> It got kind of funny in that we men won by default (we have the penis and the urges, women don't). It got pretty obvious who was right. What was REALLY funny was that most women had NO CLUE it was going on.


Ok, after spending so much time on TAM and having this Men/Women friendship topic come up so many times and not believing it (I was in the "NO WAY" camp), I actually tested out this theory. My guy friend of about 15 years and I (who I see every blue moon) decided to meet up for a bite to eat when he was in the city visiting. I told him I'd been reading a lot of material lately about men and women frienships and asked him the million dollar question: "Can men and women be just friends?" And he told me "I wouldn't have sleep with one of my friends unless there was something more..." and then there was a pause... "I'll be honest with you, Jelly. I'd have sex with you," he said very matter of factly.

I was like, F-CK. The men at TAM were right. And then I thought, Dear gawd... all these years--has he always wondered about sleeping with me? 

I haven't seen him since then, btw. Lol.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> DING! Spot on.
> 
> Answer that honestly--how would YOU feel??? Nobody ever seems to answer that! Dang it!
> 
> ...


Yes...he most certainly has. Sorry.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> DING! Spot on.
> 
> Answer that honestly--how would YOU feel??? Nobody ever seems to answer that! Dang it!
> 
> ...


:lol: Awesome. :smthumbup:

This is always such a mind-blowing moment for women when they come to this realization. Yeah, that friendly guy at the supermarket... he would bang you in a heartbeat. Your friend from college that you haven't seen in years but was always such a great listener... he would definitely jump your bones.

My wife had the same such moment of realization just a few years ago. I still think she doubts me. Ladies, do not doubt, that nice guy that you know... he wants to have sex with you.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

sandc said:


> :lol: Awesome. :smthumbup:
> 
> This is always such a mind-blowing moment for women when they come to this realization. Yeah, that friendly guy at the supermarket... he would bang you in a heartbeat. Your friend from college that you haven't seen in years but was always such a great listener... he would definitely jump your bones.
> 
> My wife had the same such moment of realization just a few years ago. I still think she doubts me. Ladies, do not doubt, that nice guy that you know... he wants to have sex with you.


Or he's in the closet looking for someone to come out to. My wife has had both types of male friends. She still holds out HOPING that a few of her male friends from the past were just friends and weren't looking for it to go further. But she's come around. There can be "friends" without something more going on, but definitely not best friends.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Or he's in the closet looking for someone to come out to. My wife has had both types of male friends. She still holds out HOPING that a few of her male friends from the past were just friends and weren't looking for it to go further. But she's come around. There can be "friends" without something more going on, but definitely not best friends.


My best friend in high school was a girl. She was pretty and fun, was always there for me and I was always there for her. She'd do anything I asked her to... except sleep with me. But she always knew I wanted to sleep with her. Never hid that fact from her. We're still friends to this day even though we're half a continent apart.

I don't want to sleep with her anymore though. My wife is hotter than her. :smthumbup:


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

OP is loooooong gone. Scared her off.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

In before the OP makes a second post in this thread...

Yes, pretty much spot on. Your male friend may be just that - a friend. However, you are choosing this male friend over your husband. What's more important to you, your friendship or your marriage?


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

I can't believe some of these posts. The OP has known this guy for **12 years**, and he put the make on her once, she turned him down, and they have been nothing but friends ever since - and yet her husband knows better than she does what his intentions are. ROFLOL - but with ironic laughter. 

OP, I fear that if you jump to your h's tune, there will be another request made of you in the near future, and another one, and another one .. just like you had to lose weight to be good enough for him. Now you have to lose your best friend. Controlling much?

Tell me, how does your h deal with your other friends and family members? Is his jealousy confined only to this guy.

I totally refute that your husband knows this guy's intentions better than you do. I believe that as a grown, mature woman, you are wise to his intentions, and he has proven himself to be a true friend.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

sandc said:


> :lol: Awesome. :smthumbup:
> 
> This is always such a mind-blowing moment for women when they come to this realization. Yeah, that friendly guy at the supermarket... he would bang you in a heartbeat. Your friend from college that you haven't seen in years but was always such a great listener... he would definitely jump your bones.
> 
> My wife had the same such moment of realization just a few years ago. I still think she doubts me. Ladies, do not doubt, that nice guy that you know... he wants to have sex with you.


So, men basically cannot be trusted, because they are nothing but animals looking for the next lay? 

Wow.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

LOL You heard it, right from the horses mouth. They are biologically wired that way......My husband agrees with a lot of men here on that...

Guess that's why I've heard so many women refer to men as dogs? LOL

J/K


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

janefw said:


> So, men basically cannot be trusted, because they are nothing but animals looking for the next lay?
> 
> Wow.


No, not true. SOME MEN, but not ALL MEN. I don't have any REALLY close female friends, because I don't need or want them. My emotional and sexual energy goes towards one woman...MY WIFE! I know better than to invest the energy that should be going to my wife into another woman. I have plenty of "female friends", a woman I'll comment to on Facebook, or chat with at parties etc, but no one I'm texting every day or calling at 1am.

But I will say I'm always looking for the next lay...Damn why does my wife have to be asleep right now


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

janefw said:


> I totally refute that your husband knows this guy's intentions better than you do.


THERE IS NOT A DOUBT IN MY MIND that her husband knows his intentions better than she does. Unless she knows his intent is to screw her. He's a guy, she's not.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

dixieangel said:


> LOL You heard it, right from the horses mouth. They are biologically wired that way......My husband agrees with a lot of men here on that...
> 
> Guess that's why I've heard so many women refer to men as dogs? LOL
> 
> J/K


Let's be clear about something. Both men and women have a pernicious side to their sexual natures. While men are hard-wired to take advantage of any sexual opportunity that comes their way (polygamous), women are hard-wired to mate with dominant alpha males (hypergamous). So while men may be dogs, women are their equivalent (female dogs). Men and women both cheat in equal proportions, they just do it in different ways and for different reasons.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

female dogs...*****es

LOL


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## Fightingtilltheend (Jun 15, 2012)

Regardless the woman has to find out truly if her husband is being controlling or not.....only she can answer that and we are only hearing one side of the story. If the husband is truly concerned then she might be doing something that she should not be doing...though not always the case. But it comes down to she needs to find out what is much more important to her...this so called friend or her husband....to me controlling is been taken way out of proportion here......example..."Honey I dont feel comfortable you hanging out with a bunch of single guys even though they are your friend at the bar...I trust you its them I dont trust" Controlling example...."Honey you are not going anywhere" I proceed to take the car keys lock the house where she cant get out and proceed to blow up the car lol lol!!!! That is controlling...Just like some previous posts...saying stuff like controlling(Not always the case because some are definitely controlling) Is usually just a dumb excuse to validate what the other spouse is doing...if it is not cheating....its pretty damn close..because they like the attention or playing with fire..


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