# Faking it...



## ChuckCanuck (Dec 15, 2012)

What is the point of making plans with the S/O's family when it all feels like a farce?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WHy does it feel like a farce?


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## ChuckCanuck (Dec 15, 2012)

Why? Wow, what a can of worms that question opens. S/O and I are barely talking, no intimacy, no sex. got the "I love you but...no in love" talk.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Are you on good terms with her family? Do you have children?


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## ChuckCanuck (Dec 15, 2012)

Yes. They have no idea how bad things are. Yup, 2.


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## BrownEyedGirl84 (Dec 12, 2012)

Maybe she's scared of how her family will react to your relationship troubles? She's not ready to tell them?


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## ChuckCanuck (Dec 15, 2012)

I have No doubt about either of those, for all the posturing about how bad things are, she's willing to stick her head in the sand for a day?

I switch sides of the fence on this about how hurt I am or how angry i get because she is unilaterally making decisions that will affect both of us.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'd say go and enjoy everyone else. Let your children enjoy their extended family. The love between you and your children is not a farce. The love between her family, you children and even you is not a farce. It's your wife... so let her deal with the farce she's creating.

You and your children should enjoy the visit and the holiday.

You will need her family on your side so going is important for you.


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## ChuckCanuck (Dec 15, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I'd say go and enjoy everyone else. Let your children enjoy their extended family. The love between you and your children is not a farce. The love between her family, you children and even you is not a farce. It's your wife... so let her deal with the farce she's creating.
> 
> You and your children should enjoy the visit and the holiday.
> 
> You will need her family on your side so going is important for you.


I wasn't thinking of keeping the kids away, I just didn't know what the point of myself going was. As far as needed her family on my side... I highly doubt that. I guess it's my experience that in-laws side with their own.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you don't go, tell the inlaws why


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## ChuckCanuck (Dec 15, 2012)

recent_cloud said:


> this has little to do with the holidays
> 
> you wish the holiday to be
> 
> ...


Pretty deep, RC. I wasn't suggesting the "holidays" were responsible, just wrestling with the eventual fantasy of normalcy I'm going to have to participate in next week. Don't get me wrong I'm the furthest thing from a grinch. Like many, I'm dealing with emotional demons that I'd just as soon not have - now or any other day of the week.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

I can relate- I am dreading Christmas eve with the in-laws- who are not people I would EVER choose to hang out with. Husband and I are not speaking and all I can think about is separation.

I'll be heading for the bar as soon as we get there.


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## mdnuojame (Dec 24, 2012)

They have no idea how bad things are


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Most family functions are farces. People "pretending" to love people they secretly can't stand. 

This year will be the second year I have NOT attended xmas eve and my family is furious with me. Let's see, if you miss me so much, why don't they call me more? Why don't they stop by? Oh yeah, I have always had to come to them and then fake a smile and look at my watch all night. 

I am the oldest and always took on responsibility of making sure my parents got things their way, even at my own expense. I was the "good daughter." But with being a good daughter comes a terrible price. My own identity and trying to escape kicking and screaming. 

You gotta do what makes you happy. Be around people you want to be around. No one should be forced. That is why I dislike the holidays. The obligations. Save yourself the resentment if you can. It will eat you alive.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

ChuckCanuck said:


> Pretty deep, RC. I wasn't suggesting the "holidays" were responsible, just wrestling with the eventual fantasy of normalcy I'm going to have to participate in next week. Don't get me wrong I'm the furthest thing from a grinch. Like many, I'm dealing with emotional demons that I'd just as soon not have - now or any other day of the week.


Good post Chuck! I understand every word you wrote. People who have never had to wrestle and fight within THEMSELVES have no idea how hard it is.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> This year will be the second year I have NOT attended xmas eve


I'm glad for you, Endless! I hope you had an enjoyable holiday season!

I understand from Dolly Stanford that you live in the same metropolitan area I do, so you're undoubtedly digging-out tonight! Stay safe!


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