# Separation and Finances



## Gypsyrose (Jul 7, 2009)

We’ve been married for nearly seven years and this weekend I packed him, his two dogs and his computer and sent him back to his mom. Boy did that feel good! He has emotional and physical problems and has not worked in three years, but has not done much about getting disability either. He got nervous last year and started paying the Visa with the MasterCard and ran us into bankruptcy. Oh joy. Until then I thought he had been doing a good job managing our finances and I guess he was until he got more mentally ill and couldn’t handle it and didn’t let met know.

We made it one more year with the agreement that he worked for me. I make good money and he would be the househusband in charge of cooking and cleaning. Well, he would do less and less until I couldn’t stand it any longer and then we’d fight and he’d get busy again. He never really did much, our basement is a junk pile of crap gathered to take to the dump but never having made it there. Finally I just said I’d had enough and it was time to go home to mom. We’d had this discussion before and he called her and knew he could go back. He said he was afraid to go because he didn’t want to be one of those weird guys living in their mom’s basement. I told him it was up to him what he wanted to be, but if he wanted to stay with me he had to get his act together and at least make some attempt at cleaning house. I’m not a clean freak but I don’t want to find enough dog hair under the couch to knit a Pomeranian either.

I don’t think he will want to come back. I am willing to bet that having no responsibilities is going to be a lot more enticing than returning to a house where he actually has to get off his butt. All this being said, I feel the need to protect my money. He is an honorable man – but in the past he allowed a bad therapist to turn him against me, which tells me that he can be influenced by someone he trusts. I’m positive his family will demonize me and I don’t want him to get talked into cleaning out our joint savings and checking accounts. 

Has anyone dealt with this problem? I think I should get a separate account and put money into the other one so he has access to it, sort of like an allowance. I think he is too ill to work, but more than too lazy to fight for his disability. He needs my insurance so I’m not planning to divorce him. I’m pretty sure they’d want me to pay alimony and I think an allowance might be cheaper. 

I’d appreciate any thoughts on this as I’ve only been separated since Sunday and haven’t had time to do much research on it.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

I think you're right...if you're not planning on divorce then set up an account for him and place money in there for him. Make sure he doesn't have access to your other account though...keep things separate as best as you can.

Hopefully things will get sorted out...but starting to separate things will make it easier if they don't.

Preacher


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## butterfly77 (Jul 7, 2009)

I don't have much experience in this...but I do know documentation is very important here, especially if you think alimony will be involved. Get your own account and leave him an allowance but keep track of what you give him.


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