# First time in my life i actually FELLFORIT



## DayzDevine (Dec 14, 2021)

So my husband and I have been together for almost 4 years now and I won't deny it was love at first sight. He swept me off my feet so quickly and was everything I had always wanted for my husband. We fell on some extremely hard times in the first year and finally got life together a year and a half ago. We have a great apartment now and both have wonderful jobs. Since we moved in though the relationship has definitely changed. From the very first time we were together he always had me lay on his chest we slept like this every single night prior, but since the first night here he has cuddled without me without me asking him first or pushing myself at hum which gets harder and harder as more time passes. We also haven't been intimate other than twice. I have done sexual favors for him of other kinds but never receivallanything in return. I have been trying. ill mention things a few times a week and I have bought many new lingerie outfits. I even put some on a week ago and tried modeling them for him but got no reaction at all. This week I put on one and laid in bed beside him while he was watching porn on his phone... Hoping for Some kind of attention actually any little bit at all would be great at thus point I have been trying over and over again and I do everything for him .. I really hate to admit it but I just do whatever needs to be done to avoid any more tension. I have tried even extremes to get some affection... I feel like we're just roommates. He was everything I ever wanted for the first month or so and I've been trying to get back there ever since


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Look up “bait and switch”. This is what you are a victim of. Also if he’s watching porn every night he’s probably masturbating a lot, that’s not going to help you either.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

No decent man with any integrity would watch porn while his wife lay beside him with a sexy nightie on.
I wouldn't put up with it. His sexual focus is on the porn not you. Sorry.


----------



## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

You need to put your foot down and ban the porn. It is draining his energy, which should be focused on you.


----------



## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

I am not trying to be rude here: Porn and masturbation. 
He's getting to high states of excitation through that. 
As long as that persists, he'll have a lot less interest in you. 

Porn wrecks the brain. People have to stop. Then their brain returns to normal. 
I'd know. That happened to me.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

DayzDevine said:


> Hoping for Some kind of attention actually any little bit at all would be great at thus point I have been trying over and over again and I do everything for him .. I really hate to admit it but *I just do whatever needs to be done to avoid any more tension*. I have tried even extremes to get some affection... I feel like we're just roommates. He was everything I ever wanted for the first month or so and I've been trying to get back there ever since


This is your biggest mistake with him -- you cannot be afraid to create tension and deal with the conflict of being VERY honest and open with him about what you need and expect from a monogamous relationship. The longer you allow him to stay in his comfort zone of ignoring you, the more resentment you are allowing to build up in yourself about him, and the more damage is being done to your marriage. So if you want to save your relationship, you MUST advocate for your own needs with him, and communicate openly and bravely.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

DayzDevine said:


> So my husband and I have been together for almost 4 years now and I won't deny it was love at first sight. He swept me off my feet so quickly and was everything I had always wanted for my husband. We fell on some extremely hard times in the first year and finally got life together a year and a half ago. We have a great apartment now and both have wonderful jobs. Since we moved in though the relationship has definitely changed. From the very first time we were together he always had me lay on his chest we slept like this every single night prior, but since the first night here he has cuddled without me without me asking him first or pushing myself at hum which gets harder and harder as more time passes. We also haven't been intimate other than twice. I have done sexual favors for him of other kinds but never receivallanything in return. I have been trying. ill mention things a few times a week and I have bought many new lingerie outfits. I even put some on a week ago and tried modeling them for him but got no reaction at all. This week I put on one and laid in bed beside him while he was watching porn on his phone... Hoping for Some kind of attention actually any little bit at all would be great at thus point I have been trying over and over again and I do everything for him .. I really hate to admit it but I just do whatever needs to be done to avoid any more tension. I have tried even extremes to get some affection... I feel like we're just roommates. He was everything I ever wanted for the first month or so and I've been trying to get back there ever since


I don't mean to be rude or insensitive here.... but (which negates everything that comes before it Iknow).

when you put on the lingere and laid down. Did you simply state, " hey put that away and play with a live girl, i"m right here".... "or I see you are feeling sexy come over here, you don't need porn".

YOu can get more direct and more forceful like " I don't like it when you watch porn and ignore me"

I know putting on lingerie is a pretty good signal but not talking or communicating isn't good. He either didn't know you were open for sex or chose not to have sex with you. Wouldn't you like to know for sure which? And why? It doesn't have to be a hostile conversation.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DayzDevine said:


> So my husband and I have been together for almost 4 years now and I won't deny it was love at first sight. He swept me off my feet so quickly and was everything I had always wanted for my husband. We fell on some extremely hard times in the first year and finally got life together a year and a half ago. We have a great apartment now and both have wonderful jobs. Since we moved in though the relationship has definitely changed. From the very first time we were together he always had me lay on his chest we slept like this every single night prior, but since the first night here he has cuddled without me without me asking him first or pushing myself at hum which gets harder and harder as more time passes. We also haven't been intimate other than twice. I have done sexual favors for him of other kinds but never receivallanything in return. I have been trying. ill mention things a few times a week and I have bought many new lingerie outfits. I even put some on a week ago and tried modeling them for him but got no reaction at all. This week I put on one and laid in bed beside him while he was watching porn on his phone... Hoping for Some kind of attention actually any little bit at all would be great at thus point I have been trying over and over again and I do everything for him .. I really hate to admit it but I just do whatever needs to be done to avoid any more tension. I have tried even extremes to get some affection... I feel like we're just roommates. He was everything I ever wanted for the first month or so and I've been trying to get back there ever since


This won't change unless he is willing to change and that sounds unlikely. Sex twice in a 4 year "marriage" and he lays next to you in bed while you wear sexy lingerie? You are roommates sharing a bed. How often did you have sex prior to marriage? He has zero respect for you. Honestly I wouldn't even call him a real man. I mean seriously, he laid in bed next to his wife wanting sex and instead he watches porn? Why would you let him treat you like that? Did you say anything to him?

First an foremost, DO NOT get pregnant. It won't fix the marriage. It will only complicate things and bring an innocent child into it.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Those whose eyes are hooked on Porn are prone to lose sight of that real flesh.

Make some ultimatums. See how he reacts.

If you see no meaningful change, and only receive some temporary, some pity sex, then boot his pitiful buttocks out.

Divorce, then start anew with someone who seeks mostly with their hands, then their hard twanger, lastly their blinkers.




_Lilith-_


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> I don't mean to be rude or insensitive here.... but (which negates everything that comes before it Iknow).
> 
> when you put on the lingere and laid down. Did you simply state, " hey put that away and play with a live girl, i"m right here".... "or I see you are feeling sexy come over here, you don't need porn".
> 
> ...


You are of course right that she should be direct about her desires, but what kind of man lays next to his wife, in bed, while she is wearing sexy lingerie then just goes about watching his porn? He is absolutely broken and doesn't sound like he should be married. 



I'm going to bet we never hear from the OP again.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’d get rid of him. It couldn’t get much worse.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You are of course right that she should be direct about her desires, but what kind of man lays next to his wife, in bed, while she is wearing sexy lingerie then just goes about watching his porn? He is absolutely broken and doesn't sound like he should be married.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm going to bet we never hear from the OP again.


I agree it is egregious. However, how to we know that he knows she wanted sex? How do we know what her version of lingerie is?

I think I have a very good marriage but I know we didn't always and still don't communicate about sex in a completely open way. Shortly after I decided to make sex in my marriage better, more and such.. I realized my husband had this way of 'initiating' by rubbing my shoulder once we were in bed. BEFORE that I didn't realize this was initiation. So I flat out asked him how often he'd ideally like to have sex. When he replied, 'daily'. I could have been knocked over with a feather because he had never initiated daily. I had no idea. Needless to say we have a lot more sex now.


Just read he was everything you wanted for a month. Why would you get married if he wasn't still everything you wanted. Or was he everything you wanted during courting then only a month of marriage?

I'd flat out ask him to quit the porn. What tension? Do you two fight frequently and about what?


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

DayzDevine said:


> I feel like we're just roommates. He was everything I ever wanted for the first month or so and I've been trying to get back there ever since


You need to give him an ultimatum for what you need to feel loved or be willing to leave. 

If he is agreeable, you will likely need to schedule basic maintenance sex at an agreed upon frequency. You then need to use that to work on the skills needed to bond mutually and learn how to create a few sparks where there are none. Be realistic that it will be a long road ahead with a few steps forward and then a few steps back along the way. 

Badsanta


----------



## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

While there are a lot of doofuses out there, it's hard to imagine any guy needing a verbal invitation for sex from a woman in lingerie next to him in the bed...I dunno...I can't really buy the "he didn't know" theory....

Here is the bottom line, as I see it, and sorry in advance to the OP...

_Sounds like he was never sexually attracted_... Guys are not machines as some women like to think...For many of us a willing woman just isn't enough to spur action...I get it that some guys will eff a warthog, but many others have definitive criteria for sexual attraction and can't "just fake it"....

I do find it harsh and bizarre that he would be watching porn right in front of her while she is laying there....That is very unusual I would think... Most guys in that situation would probably rub one out in another room while she is in the shower or sleeping....or not home....And I will also say that if real sexual attraction was there, the porn wouldn't replace her...If anything, all it may do is "warm him up" so to speak...

I also think the idea of maintenance sex or duty sex is probably the most dreadful thing I can think of...Eww....lol...This aint taking the car in for an oil change or clearing the leaves out of the gutters...This is sex....it's supposed to be spontaneous, energetic, desirous, fun, etc....not mechanical and scheduled... yikes...

OP...I think you have to get to the bottom of why he doesn't find you attractive sexually...Most guys will never tell a woman because it's really crushing and something you never recover from...But if he's only going after you on V day and your birthday, then there is something drastically wrong...I could say he's lost any drive, that does happen, but if he's watching porn, then the drive is there....

Sadly, I don't think this ends well... My best to you...


----------



## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

FFS.

How does this happen? I swear, TAM just throws me for a loop. How do men that would prefer watching porn end up with a woman that lies in bed with lingerie on all the while ignoring them? What in the actual F? How is this even possible? Don't get me wrong, I will use porn as a tool as I see fit, but my wife can shut that crap off ANY TIME. I'll take the real deal 100% of the time. No question. 


OP, the vast majority of men in the world would be like me. They would prefer the real deal every single time. The fact that you go out of your way to attract the attention of your husband puts you in high demand by quality men. I suggest divorcing this broken guy and leave him to his porn. There are plenty of quality men out there that would love to treat you correctly.


----------



## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

LATERILUS79 said:


> FFS.
> 
> How does this happen? I swear, TAM just throws me for a loop. How do men that would prefer watching porn end up with a woman that lies in bed with lingerie on all the while ignoring them? What in the actual F? How is this even possible? Don't get me wrong, I will use porn as a tool as I see fit, but my wife can shut that crap off ANY TIME. I'll take the real deal 100% of the time. No question.
> 
> ...



Ok...but you are obviously sexually attracted to your wife and have probably a normal relationship..... If this guy isn't, then none of what you are saying really applies....Sure, there are people out there both sexes that will willingly have sex with others they don't find sexually appealing, but not everyone falls into that category...

I mean, for all we really know, this woman is 500 lbs and doesn't bathe regularly...Or maybe she has a general attitude that has the guy completely turned off...When people come on here and give a scenario, then I can't see how people can't consider all the other possibilities other than "what's effing wrong with him"...If everything is so great with her, then the question really becomes what is it that is making this guy ignore her in the sack?

It then begs the question, if he isn't into her, then why does he continue to stay married to her? Truth is, she had all the issues after month one, when most couples can't get their hands off each other...But people do this all the time(stay in a bad marriage)...Laziness, complacency, whatever... Or maybe he is planning an exit and not telling her about it...For all we know he already has another woman he is effing already...Seemingly endless possibilities... No disrespect to anyone, but all this talk about how a guy isn't a real man if he doesn't eff a willing woman, takes none of what he is thinking or feeling into account... it's sometimes not that simple...02


----------



## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> Ok...but you are obviously sexually attracted to your wife and have probably a normal relationship..... If this guy isn't, then none of what you are saying really applies....Sure, there are people out there both sexes that will willingly have sex with others they don't find sexually appealing, but not everyone falls into that category...
> 
> I mean, for all we really know, this woman is 500 lbs and doesn't bathe regularly...Or maybe she has a general attitude that has the guy completely turned off...When people come on here and give a scenario, then I can't see how people can't consider all the other possibilities other than "what's effing wrong with him"...If everything is so great with her, then the question really becomes what is it that is making this guy ignore her in the sack?
> 
> It then begs the question, if he isn't into her, then why does he continue to stay married to her? Truth is, she had all the issues after month one, when most couples can't get their hands off each other...But people do this all the time(stay in a bad marriage)...Laziness, complacency, whatever... Or maybe he is planning an exit and not telling her about it...For all we know he already has another woman he is effing already...Seemingly endless possibilities... No disrespect to anyone, but all this talk about how a guy isn't a real man if he doesn't eff a willing woman, takes none of what he is thinking or feeling into account... it's sometimes not that simple...02


Damn. Now you have me scared. Do they make lingerie for 500lb women?


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think this could be a porn problem -- and now it's your problem because from watching porn, he now prefers you simply service him. Stop doing that!


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

DayzDevine said:


> So my husband and I have been together for almost 4 years now and I won't deny it was love at first sight. He swept me off my feet so quickly and was everything I had always wanted for my husband. We fell on some extremely hard times in the first year and finally got life together a year and a half ago. We have a great apartment now and both have wonderful jobs. Since we moved in though the relationship has definitely changed. From the very first time we were together he always had me lay on his chest we slept like this every single night prior, but since the first night here he has cuddled without me without me asking him first or pushing myself at hum which gets harder and harder as more time passes. We also haven't been intimate other than twice. I have done sexual favors for him of other kinds but never receivallanything in return. I have been trying. ill mention things a few times a week and I have bought many new lingerie outfits. I even put some on a week ago and tried modeling them for him but got no reaction at all. This week I put on one and laid in bed beside him while he was watching porn on his phone... Hoping for Some kind of attention actually any little bit at all would be great at thus point I have been trying over and over again and I do everything for him .. I really hate to admit it but I just do whatever needs to be done to avoid any more tension. I have tried even extremes to get some affection... I feel like we're just roommates. He was everything I ever wanted for the first month or so and I've been trying to get back there ever since


Play him at his own game.
Do a hard 180 on him. Look up the 180.
Start doing your own thing, going out with friends, not letting him know where you are. Dressing up nice. Stop throwing yourself at him. Sleep in another room, now and again.
If he notices, then tell him he has treated you badly and you wont stand for it. If he doesn't notice, then he has lost interest, is more into porn or even someone else.

Has anything else changed in your marriage. Why did you fall on hard times, is there any financial infidelity?
You should note that the love haze wears off after some time, are you being a little too sensitive?


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Or she's his beard. I can't think of anything else.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Are you actually married? How long have you been living together?


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Something is broken with this man.

I was dead tired yesterday, got into bed and almost immediately fell asleep. 

My wife came to the side of the bed, “Are you sleeping?” I said well not now, and then I could see she was DTF. Sex > exhaustion. Totally worth it x10000. 

Wife shows up ever in lingerie and I am going to enjoy it fully.

Your man seems broken. Before you kick him back I think it’s worth asking him what’s going on in plain language.


----------



## DayzDevine (Dec 14, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> So your husband must be really something for a girl 16 years his junior to randomly show up to have him do her. Or, she doesn't attract single men her own age or she is actually attracted to you and he is just incidental? You don't mention your ages but if she is mid twenties then you are both late thirties? When you had threesomes before and he wasn't allowed to have sex with her, was it just you and her with him watching?
> 
> You have created a situation with your husband it will be difficult to move away from. Expectations raised in his mind. You say you are beautiful and plenty of men are attracted to you. So what about your husband is so great you are willing to take the scant scraps he is giving you?





hamadryad said:


> Ok...but you are obviously sexually attracted to your wife and have probably a normal relationship..... If this guy isn't, then none of what you are saying really applies....Sure, there are people out there both sexes that will willingly have sex with others they don't find sexually appealing, but not everyone falls into that category...
> 
> I mean, for all we really know, this woman is 500 lbs and doesn't bathe regularly...Or maybe she has a general attitude that has the guy completely turned off...When people come on here and give a scenario, then I can't see how people can't consider all the other possibilities other than "what's effing wrong with him"...If everything is so great with her, then the question really becomes what is it that is making this guy ignore her in the sack?
> 
> It then begs the question, if he isn't into her, then why does he continue to stay married to her? Truth is, she had all the issues after month one, when most couples can't get their hands off each other...But people do this all the time(stay in a bad marriage)...Laziness, complacency, whatever... Or maybe he is planning an exit and not telling her about it...For all we know he already has another woman he is effing already...Seemingly endless possibilities... No disrespect to anyone, but all this talk about how a guy isn't a real man if he doesn't eff a willing woman, takes none of what he is thinking or feeling into account... it's sometimes not that simple...02


----------



## DayzDevine (Dec 14, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> Ok...but you are obviously sexually attracted to your wife and have probably a normal relationship..... If this guy isn't, then none of what you are saying really applies....Sure, there are people out there both sexes that will willingly have sex with others they don't find sexually appealing, but not everyone falls into that category...
> 
> I mean, for all we really know, this woman is 500 lbs and doesn't bathe regularly...Or maybe she has a general attitude that has the guy completely turned off...When people come on here and give a scenario, then I can't see how people can't consider all the other possibilities other than "what's effing wrong with him"...If everything is so great with her, then the question really becomes what is it that is making this guy ignore her in the sack?
> 
> It then begs the question, if he isn't into her, then why does he continue to stay married to her? Truth is, she had all the issues after month one, when most couples can't get their hands off each other...But people do this all the time(stay in a bad marriage)...Laziness, complacency, whatever... Or maybe he is planning an exit and not telling her about it...For all we know he already has another woman he is effing already...Seemingly endless possibilities... No disrespect to anyone, but all this talk about how a guy isn't a real man if he doesn't eff a willing woman, takes none of what he is thinking or feeling into account... it's sometimes not that simple...02





DayzDevine said:


>


----------



## DayzDevine (Dec 14, 2021)

DayzDevine said:


> View attachment 81224


This is a picture taken of me .. Really me within the last six months or so


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Probably shouldn't post a pic of you, but point taken, you aren't some kind of hairy troll, lol.

How was your sex life prior to marriage. Has it really been as infrequent as you say for your entire relationship?


----------



## DayzDevine (Dec 14, 2021)

So many questions to answer.. Not sure where to start.. So yes he was Mr right during courtship and then only a month.. I do initiate things sometimes but due to our past and present situation I am so nervous to be rejected.. Because it has happened so often.. What did someone call me his beard?? Wth does that mean?


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DayzDevine said:


> So many questions to answer.. Not sure where to start.. So yes he was Mr right during courtship and then only a month.. I do initiate things sometimes but due to our past and present situation I am so nervous to be rejected.. Because it has happened so often.. What did someone call me his beard?? Wth does that mean?


I'm still pretty skeptical that he will come around, but you can try. If nothing else you may learn something for your next relationship. Check out these articles on desire, initiating and rejection. It would be good if you could get him to read them too.









Responsive vs spontaneous desire - Uncovering Intimacy


Yesterday I wrote about arousal non-concordance and how sometimes our body’s arousal doesn’t match up with our mind’s arousal. How it can be that your mind might want sex, but your body isn’t ready. Or the opposite can happen. Unfortunately, this confuses a lot of women




www.uncoveringintimacy.com












Desire vs. willingness - Uncovering Intimacy


Yesterday I promised I’d write a post on desire vs. willingness, because, again, this is a topic I’ve mentioned many times, but never devoted a post to. Our society teaches us that we shouldn’t have sex unless we desire it. In movies, both of the




www.uncoveringintimacy.com












Does your spouse have permission to arouse you? - Uncovering Intimacy


I get a lot of emails from husbands and wives who get rejected for sex frequently. They often want to know how to initiate better, how to arouse their spouse, how to turn them on and get them interested in sex. However, in a lot




www.uncoveringintimacy.com












Being more skilled at rejection - Uncovering Intimacy


Want to know how to reject your spouse in a way that doesn't hurt their feelings but ensures they don't ask for sex again? Become more skilled at rejection.




www.uncoveringintimacy.com












Being more skilled at initiation - Uncovering Intimacy


Do you use skillful initiation in your marriage? Don't know? You might want to check out this post to see if you can improve how you initiate sex.




www.uncoveringintimacy.com


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

DayzDevine said:


> What did someone call me his beard?? Wth does that mean?


A beard is a weird term for a woman that a gay man marries so he appears to be straight to the outside world. 

I’m not sure how that term came about.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

If he is laying in bed watching porn and rebuffing your advances, that is a pretty bad sign. 

My suggestion is to think what you would do if he was getting with another woman and giving her all his personal time and energies while rejecting you. 

Think of what you’d do in that situation - and then do that.

Because for all practical purposes there isn’t really any difference between neglecting you for porn vs neglecting you for another woman. 

Treat porn as another woman and treat him as a WH because for all practical purposes, that is what this is.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

DayzDevine said:


> So many questions to answer.. Not sure where to start.. So yes he was Mr right during courtship and then only a month.. I do initiate things sometimes but due to our past and present situation I am so nervous to be rejected.. Because it has happened so often.. What did someone call me his beard?? Wth does that mean?


A beard is a man or woman who marries somebody who is homosexual and gives them cover to appear as a heterosexual, usually for professional or family reasons.
It was used as a slang word starting in the early 20th century.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

DayzDevine said:


> Picture


You look fine. A normal heterosexual male would not be turned off by how you look in the least.


----------



## DayzDevine (Dec 14, 2021)

Thanks everyone for taking the time to share thoughts and advice .. So just an update I found a message to another mutual friend of ours the other day that simply said '' I miss you so badly'' he has always flirted with her and I know he thinks shes attractive but this isn't even close to innocent he hasn't said he missed me at all or taken the time to text me anything even remotely close to that.. I'm already self conscious and depressed and to make the matters worse she's only 24 has a great body and never had kids .. I told him about it and he acted like it wasn't a big deal and I was just being jealous.. I told him I was honestly disappointed and fed up and I deserved better. He messaged her while sitting next to me for hours and didn't say a single word. Where do I go from here??? I'm so lost and empty inside I know I have to be treated better than this


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DayzDevine said:


> Thanks everyone for taking the time to share thoughts and advice .. So just an update I found a message to another mutual friend of ours the other day that simply said '' I miss you so badly'' he has always flirted with her and I know he thinks shes attractive but this isn't even close to innocent he hasn't said he missed me at all or taken the time to text me anything even remotely close to that.. I'm already self conscious and depressed and to make the matters worse she's only 24 has a great body and never had kids .. I told him about it and he acted like it wasn't a big deal and I was just being jealous.. I told him I was honestly disappointed and fed up and I deserved better. He messaged her while sitting next to me for hours and didn't say a single word. Where do I go from here??? I'm so lost and empty inside I know I have to be treated better than this


So he isn't interested in sex with you, not in general. He has the hots for other women. What does that say you should do?


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

DayzDevine said:


> Thanks everyone for taking the time to share thoughts and advice .. So just an update I found a message to another mutual friend of ours the other day that simply said '' I miss you so badly'' he has always flirted with her and I know he thinks shes attractive but this isn't even close to innocent he hasn't said he missed me at all or taken the time to text me anything even remotely close to that.. I'm already self conscious and depressed and to make the matters worse she's only 24 has a great body and never had kids .. I told him about it and he acted like it wasn't a big deal and I was just being jealous.. I told him I was honestly disappointed and fed up and I deserved better. He messaged her while sitting next to me for hours and didn't say a single word. Where do I go from here??? I'm so lost and empty inside I know I have to be treated better than this


Every time you speak to him and tell him how much this is hurting you, you are feeding his ego and narcissism.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I think you don't have kids and your husband is a dud. What do you think you should do? Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life?


----------



## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> You look fine. A normal heterosexual male would not be turned off by how you look in the least.


Thanks so much for that it was much needed


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

DayzDevine said:


> Thanks everyone for taking the time to share thoughts and advice .. So just an update I found a message to another mutual friend of ours the other day that simply said '' I miss you so badly'' he has always flirted with her and I know he thinks shes attractive but this isn't even close to innocent he hasn't said he missed me at all or taken the time to text me anything even remotely close to that.. I'm already self conscious and depressed and to make the matters worse she's only 24 has a great body and never had kids .. I told him about it and he acted like it wasn't a big deal and I was just being jealous.. I told him I was honestly disappointed and fed up and I deserved better. He messaged her while sitting next to me for hours and didn't say a single word. Where do I go from here??? I'm so lost and empty inside I know I have to be treated better than this


So sorry you are going through this. This guy could be on the spectrum of narcissism and is engaging in triangulation. Read up on narcissist characteristics.
Are you able to leave him?
Start doing the 180 on him, act as if he is not there. Tell him if he wants to miss other women, then ask them to cook, do laundry etc. for him for you sure wont
Then live accordingly.
Do you have your own money? your own job?
Go and see a lawyer and really consider divorcing this man, it will not change and he clearly has no respect for you.
Start going out to gym, with friends etc. He is firmly in control now cause you care more than he does, the 180 will help you to detach. Playing the pick me dance with him is not going to work.
I bet he is already cheating.
Tell your family and friends what is going on also. Out him about the texting younger women. this **** flourishes in the dark and he is pretending you are the crazy one and its no big deal, you make sure everyone else knows, that will burst his bubble. If you want to save a relationship with him, then be ready to lose it.


----------

