# Husband's in a rut. How can we rekindle the spark in our marriage?



## Hope38 (Aug 27, 2010)

For awhile now and about once a month (for some reason) my husband mentions separation. He mentions not being happy then we talk and he then seems better. He has highs and lows. He's 40 yrs. (in case it matters)

After much discussion, he doesn't seem ready to leave. He mentions our relationship as comfortable and feels like it's missing something. I believe that finances, busy lifestyle, kids are putting a damper on our relationship and instead of dealing with these issues, he blames the marriage. We've been married 13yrs and have had our ups and downs. Over the years, he's put me through so much but I've kept a positive attitude and keep fighting to keep our marriage together. We are best friends and according to him, loosing that isn't worth a marriage break up. But, it's still missing something. I'm also becoming resentfull because I've worked so hard to keep our marriage together all these years and this once a month surprise (mention of separation) is making me anxious. 

What can we do to rekindle the spark in our marriage ? We know we should spend more time without the kids, continue to communicate our feelings, we're even planning a weekend away but still needs more...

I would appreciate any advice! 

Hope


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## ladtbug81 (Aug 31, 2010)

I am much younger and have not been married as long but at one point my husband was the same way. We saw a marriage councelor for a bit and she really helped. Gave us some tools and ideas and those helped. 

But we didnt stick to going and are continuing to have problems. So if you go try to stick to it. We started out once every two weeks then every month. But we found that every month or every other month worked for us. It gave us time to try the new technics then go back and discuss the outcomes later.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

hmm...well, if he does it once a month, it really shouldn't be such a surprise anymore. I would take a look at the circumstances surrounding it. Is it the same day each month? Is it around your time of the month? Do you have a fight or an argument right before this happens? I'm thinking something is happening that triggers it. Not only that, but I would think that since you talk and he no longer wants to leave, that this is not so much that he wants to leave but that he is unhappy and this is his way of expressing that. He's having trouble communicating. 

I definitely think counseling is the way to go here. You need a professional who can help draw him out, figure out what's making him unhappy and how to resolve it, and help him get the communication skills to actually talk to you instead of throwing out statements about wanting to leave.


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