# It's that season.



## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Five years on the 11th of Dec. 

Five years ago my life as I thought it was imploded. And some here know the rollercoaster reconciling has been. Personal and vicariously. 

Things that I learned from (MY) wayward. (everyone's WS is a little different)


I did NOTHING wrong in my husbands actions to cheat. As to his why's no matter how hard he tried it took YEARS to understand the why's. Your spouse can work night and day trying to figure it out but sometimes you cant see through your own bull----. It literally took him being in a mental facility three times for more than a month at the longest. Two weeks the other times. It takes drugs for him to think clearly and act reasonably. My HUSBAND was the "why".

Now as to me being here? why stay through all that? Well certain amount of co-dependence that has been logistically hard to surmount. Health conditions that cleaved me to him even when I had times of desperately wanting out. 

But here I am 5 years. It is now.... they say three to five years to recover. It has now been the full measure of that time. I stumbled across (not looking for it) his confession letter yesterday then another odd thing from one of his OTHER women, and you know what? I felt nothing. No trigger. No fear. no anger. 

I am no longer fazed by it because I know now without angst that I was not the problem. I never was. 
No matter how bad he spoke of me, what terrible thing he said about something I was insecure about it does not matter. 

I know a good many things about myself the last 15 years of my life. I have faced many hardships, infidelity was BY FAR THE HARDEST. But I no longer feel the pain I once felt even as recently as two years ago. 

As to love. I love him... I care about him. He takes moments and will touch me, or rub me lovingly. I can tell he is very much romantically engaged and lately I am warming up to him more. I don't fear being hurt again. If he cheats I know why. I wont put up with it, but it's good to know that I will not be crippled by pain or indecision if that time came. This is why I know I am healed. 

Ladies and gents... 
Year one was hard... 
Year two was harder...
Year three was hell and I didn't want to hang in there, 
Year four was more of that hell . It was a waking nightmare that came with some harsh answers, that lead to healing. 
Year five, I get it. 


It no longer has a hold on me. 
I'm free of infidelity.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Thank you for sharing this with us.


----------

