# When do you tell your kids?



## Maximum0710 (Mar 22, 2018)

My ex recently told me that she was very sick and without getting into great detail said basically "I thought I would just tell you in case something happened" and was instructed that the kids didn't know about it and wanted it to stay that way. 
For starters I'm having difficulty believing the whole thing because I've been lied to before constantly and don't trust a thing that is said, but that's besides the point for this topic. 
I have mixed feelings about it all and wanted to know what everyone else thinks. Do you tell your kids that you're sick or don't you.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Maximum0710 said:


> My ex recently told me that she was very sick and without getting into great detail said basically "I thought I would just tell you in case something happened" and was instructed that the kids didn't know about it and wanted it to stay that way.
> For starters I'm having difficulty believing the whole thing because I've been lied to before constantly and don't trust a thing that is said, but that's besides the point for this topic.
> I have mixed feelings about it all and wanted to know what everyone else thinks. Do you tell your kids that you're sick or don't you.


Yeah, sounds like she's lying and trying to manipulate you into sympathy, or maybe she's depressed and feeling negative.

If it was real, telling the kids would depend entirely on their age and maturity level, and how much respect, if any, you still have for your ex's secrets and wishes.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

My kids are adults, so it's a bit different. I've shared my medical condition and test results with them since they were teens. But that is my information to share. In the US there are strict laws about medical information and based on those I would not share my wife's information with her kids. In your case it is an ex wife and you don't have any right to have that information, but it was probably smart of her to share it with you. Ethically you cannot share this information against her wishes. It is her information and her decision.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Maximum0710 said:


> My ex recently told me that she was very sick and without getting into great detail said basically "I thought I would just tell you in case something happened" and was instructed that the kids didn't know about it and wanted it to stay that way.
> For starters I'm having difficulty believing the whole thing because I've been lied to before constantly and don't trust a thing that is said, but that's besides the point for this topic.
> I have mixed feelings about it all and wanted to know what everyone else thinks. Do you tell your kids that you're sick or don't you.


*I'd suggest that you visit with her attending physician yourself, since you are her spouse, and accordingly, have every inherent right to know!

I would not even begin to tell the kids until such time that you get such verification from both your spouse; and as well as from their physician, and in the event of either a terminal or quasi-terminal illness, the medical options, as well as the course of action that has been planned as such! *


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Honor her wishes.

Keep your mouth shut. Later if your kids ask why you didn't tell them be honest and say she told me not to.


----------

