# Which support group did you join besides TAM?



## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

I’m curious to see which support people signed up for outside of TAM.


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## CrapMan (7 mo ago)

SI


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I was on SI for a while until I got kicked off. Too much coddling and reconciliation on that site. I was also on a FB group for divorced dads. Now, it’s just TAM (when I’m not banned).


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Lostinthelight said:


> I’m curious to see which support people signed up for outside of TAM.


I used to be on Surviving Infidelity...but that site caters to cheaters. Oh they pretend like they are there for betrayed spouses, but since the site founder is an excuse making cheater herself, waywards are given a huge pass, and they even have their own section where they can feel safe and BSs are banned if they chime in with something they don't like, but no same section where BS's can escape the WW blameshifting bulls***.

So Surviving Infidelity is garbage.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

CrapMan said:


> SI


What is SI?


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## The IT Guy (Oct 17, 2020)

I have two other forums I use besides TAM. I dabble a few times once or twice a week, but that's about it. TAM is my main forum.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Lostinthelight said:


> What is SI?


Surviving Infidelity.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

Works said:


> Surviving Infidelity.


Thank you!


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Lostinthelight said:


> Thank you!


I was on it briefly... until I realized, like someone else said, they cater more to the cheater...


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Works said:


> I was on it briefly... until I realized, like someone else said, they cater more to the cheater...


Yup, a few of the trolls that were banned here as of late would find it heaven on earth over there.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

i was on rebbit but I found it too hard to find the right page , it is huge and every type subject


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## Reluctant Texan (5 mo ago)

I used to post under another name here but lost the login info & no longer use the email account I registered with. But anyways, people suggested to me that my wife (at the time) was a pwBPD. I started posting on BPDfamily.com at their recommendation.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

I just paid a short visit to SI again after many years.. I like it here better, and the layout as well.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

Reluctant Texan said:


> I used to post under another name here but lost the login info & no longer use the email account I registered with. But anyways, people suggested to me that my wife (at the time) was a pwBPD. I started posting on BPDfamily.com at their recommendation.


It’s difficult to see and understand what’s truly wrong with our partner. I’d never heard of that website.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Works said:


> I just paid a short visit to SI again after many years.. I like it here better, and the layout as well.


That place is a cesspool for rugsweeping and instant forgiveness. Ever notice how many d days are on most of the BS’ tag lines? It’s a joke.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

I used to be a member of Loveshack but I walked away from that site a coupe years ago for personal reasons. I don't recommend them.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Assholes anonymous.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> That place is a cesspool for rugsweeping and instant forgiveness. Ever notice how many d days are on most of the BS’ tag lines? It’s a joke.


I didn't check for too long, but will do so again now.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Works said:


> I just paid a short visit to SI again after many years.. I like it here better, and the layout as well.


I still read SI once in a while but I enjoy the freedom of expression here on TAM. It’s a bit more rough and tumble here but SI feels “clunky” and the regular posters like to hear themselves talk too much for my taste.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> Assholes anonymous.


Ok is that a joke or does this really exist?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lostinthelight said:


> Ok is that a joke or does this really exist?


I am the founding, and only, member that I know of.😉


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Lostinthelight said:


> Ok is that a joke or does this really exist?


It exists. Just go to the barbarians house every other Thursday night. And bring a bat. 😁


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> It exists. Just go to the barbarians house every other Thursday night. And bring a bat. 😁


Hah!


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

I found a drafted note to a forum that my STBX wrote and I honestly wondered which forum he would write to. Of course he didn’t mention that he’s cheating or the crimes he committed. Just that he’s a victim of a controlling woman.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Lostinthelight said:


> I’m curious to see which support people signed up for outside of TAM.


Before this I participated in the M.W. Davis website, but ultimately in addition to the M.W. Davis books, I recommended other "books" like Glover's NMMNG and Chapman's 5LL, or horror's Gottman's Art and Science of Love, so I got kicked off. They didn't want anyone suggesting competition. The moderators were also getting pretty up in your face about special expensive telephone counseling sessions to people who were struggling. When I got banned (I logged on as a guest to find), some folks there suggested I come to this website, which it did and haven't looked back.

I was also on Glover's website, but there were too many men who seemed to think that loosing their Nice Guy card involved being a jerk to women, sort of red pill followers. The advice (at that time) was nothing I cared to read or contemplate. I really felt they didn't understand what Glover was saying at all.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


RebuildingMe said:



I was on SI for a while until I got kicked off. Too much coddling and reconciliation on that site.

Click to expand...

*OMG I agree with you - they are *so* pitiful, aren't they?

They have members who have been there 15 or 20 years because they stayed with their cheaters and want the world to know how 'successful' wreck-conciliation can be. LOL, one of those longtime fools spewing the reconcilliation mantra actually stayed with her cheater husband after she'd discovered he'd had a 7 YEAR AFFAIR.

How much of your damned dignity do you have to swallow to continue clinging like grim death to someone whose **** all over you for 7 years running? Dang, that's a whole new level of desperation I never knew existed. Just pitiful.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I was reading stuff on DB (Dead Bedrooms) for a while, when I was having similar problems. But I was never a member - too depressing, even for me!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> I was reading stuff on DB (Dead Bedrooms) for a while, when I was having similar problems. But I was never a member - too depressing, even for me!


That sounds depressing!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> OMG I agree with you - they are *so* pitiful, aren't they?
> 
> They have members who have been there 15 or 20 years because they stayed with their cheaters and want the world to know how 'successful' wreck-conciliation can be. LOL, one of those longtime fools spewing the reconcilliation mantra actually stayed with her cheater husband after she'd discovered he'd had a 7 YEAR AFFAIR.
> 
> How much of your damned dignity do you have to swallow to continue clinging like grim death to someone whose **** all over you for 7 years running? Dang, that's a whole new level of desperation I never knew existed. Just pitiful.


The WS get treated with kid gloves. If you are direct with them, you get banned. The majority of BS over there are women. If you look at their tag lines, a lot of them have multiple d days. Some are divorced, most aren’t. Their spouses have cheated several times with several women but they keep chomping down on the sh$t sandwich hoping to push through. If I found TAM before SI, I wouldn’t have been in limbo for 3 years and wasted those prime years.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> I was reading stuff on DB (Dead Bedrooms) for a while, when I was having similar problems. But I was never a member - too depressing, even for me!





RebuildingMe said:


> The WS get treated with kid gloves. If you are direct with them, you get banned. The majority of BS over there are women. If you look at their tag lines, a lot of them have multiple d days. Some are divorced, most aren’t. Their spouses have cheated several times with several women but they keep chomping down on the sh$t sandwich hoping to push through. If I found TAM before SI, I wouldn’t have been in limbo for 3 years and wasted those prime years.


i agree that TAM has been a godsend to me also. As I sit here, the last 3 days that my STBX and I will live under the same roof. It’s a sad ending but I’ve know this was coming for many years.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> That sounds depressing!


well, yes... people in totally sexless marriages... no action for years... and I thought I had a bad marriage!


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

We all end up on TAM after SI bans us lol. That site is straight up depressing, glad I got banned. Bunch of beta men trying to coddle their cheating wife. Too much talk and excuses and not enough action on that site.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

TAMaholics Anonymous. For those of us on TAM way to often.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Longtime Hubby said:


> TAMaholics Anonymous. For those of us on TAM way to often.


🙌

Present...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

SI is pretty much deserted. Posters and mods can't figure it out. They updated the site a while ago and it hasn't been the same since. It used to be very busy.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> The WS get treated with kid gloves. If you are direct with them, you get banned. The majority of BS over there are women. If you look at their tag lines, a lot of them have multiple d days. Some are divorced, most aren’t. Their spouses have cheated several times with several women but they keep chomping down on the sh$t sandwich hoping to push through. If I found TAM before SI, I wouldn’t have been in limbo for 3 years and wasted those prime years.


The problem I have with SI is the hopium is strong. They talk about the "affair fog" after NC. Be patient with your WS, they are mourning thier AP... HAHA, if you are mourning your AP, give me the APs address and I'll drop your ass off along with your suitcase. Shake his hand and tell him "no returns allowed". The affair fog is such a copout, the BSs however are foggy as hell...

They always talk about blameshifting. However the BSs blameshift from their own WS to the AP, like the AP was the one that made the vow. They openly fantasize about maiming the AP meanwhile treat their own WS with kiddie gloves...

Also don't agree that madhatters that have revenge affairs somehow get lumped into the wayward category. How does a BS having a one night stand after finding out your spouse has been having an affair for years somehow the same? Then you are just a POS wayward that BSs use as a punching bag. It's effed up.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> OMG I agree with you - they are *so* pitiful, aren't they?
> 
> They have members who have been there 15 or 20 years because they stayed with their cheaters and want the world to know how 'successful' wreck-conciliation can be. LOL, one of those longtime fools spewing the reconcilliation mantra actually stayed with her cheater husband after she'd discovered he'd had a 7 YEAR AFFAIR.
> 
> How much of your damned dignity do you have to swallow to continue clinging like grim death to someone whose **** all over you for 7 years running? Dang, that's a whole new level of desperation I never knew existed. Just pitiful.


How awful. Was it for money? Why on earth would she stay? I can’t imagine taking another woman’s leavings like that. I would hate myself.


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

I just came across LoveShack.org, what’s wrong with these people? Many apparently are the other woman/man and encouraging their cheater partner to leave their spouse.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Lostinthelight said:


> I just came across LoveShack.org, what’s wrong with these people? Many apparently are the other woman/man and encouraging their cheater partner to leave their spouse.


I believe that’s a site for cheaters and how to get away with it. Or maybe that’s Reddit. One of them. Truly God awful.


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## Reluctant Texan (5 mo ago)

drencrom said:


> I used to be on Surviving Infidelity...but that site caters to cheaters. Oh they pretend like they are there for betrayed spouses, but since the site founder is an excuse making cheater herself, waywards are given a huge pass, and they even have their own section where they can feel safe and BSs are banned if they chime in with something they don't like, but no same section where BS's can escape the WW blameshifting bulls***.
> 
> So Surviving Infidelity is garbage.


yikes. sounds like the site's owners/mods have made a career out of cheating/getting cheated on. I can imagine it's toxic as hell.



Lostinthelight said:


> It’s difficult to see and understand what’s truly wrong with our partner. I’d never heard of that website.


Yeah, I got a lot of bad advice here before a few people chimed in that there were likely deeper mental issues going on, and "establishing physical dominance" or "reading No More Mr. Nice Guy" were not going to solve my domestic problems. They would conversely just make them worse. Same with other maxims of common sense, like "all couples fight" "it takes two to tango" or "happy wife, happy life."

What if the wife is not capable of being happy because of deep seated abandonment issues and childhood abuse? What if she picks fights as a measure of emotional control? What it the wife is devious enough to steer marital counseling to a counselor she "vets" to ensure she can manipulate him or her, and will shield her behavior from scrutiny?

Following the well-meaning advice from family and friends in such cases just drives you further into an abusive relationship.

So BPDfamily is a helpful site if you're dealing with a BPD/NPD or other behaviorally disordered partner or family member. There are others there who've been through truly awful situations and therefore provide much more informed advice to those still in the midst of it. But I appreciate TAM of being the first place I turned to help identify the issue.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

ACoA, a few decades ago, for a few months at most. Eye opening, supportive. In person. Well worth the time.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Lostinthelight said:


> I just came across LoveShack.org, what’s wrong with these people? Many apparently are the other woman/man and encouraging their cheater partner to leave their spouse.


A couple years ago, the site owner basically cleaned house over there and either banned people he didn't like or just deleted their posts until they stopped bothering. I was one of them. Moderation too heavy handed there by far.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Enigma32 said:


> A couple years ago, the site owner basically cleaned house over there and either banned people he didn't like or just deleted their posts until they stopped bothering. I was one of them. Moderation too heavy handed there by far.


I was on loveshack, yes, got banned there because they protected a real hussbag named Lizzie60.

My all time favorite, which is now closed down, was chatcheaters.com They didn't take s*** off of cheaters and OW/OM. My handle there was Muffinman. I tried looking for archives just to remember some of the smackdowns I threw down, but can't find any.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

“Hussbag”. 😂😂😂😂😂


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Young at Heart said:


> I was also on Glover's website, but there were too many men who seemed to think that loosing their Nice Guy card involved being a jerk to women, sort of red pill followers. The advice (at that time) was nothing I cared to read or contemplate. *I really felt they didn't understand what Glover was saying at all*.


Yeah, that is a problem on that site.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I used to be on Athol Kay's discussion board until it closed. I think it might have been called marriedmansexlife dot com

I'm not even certain he's still alive


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

drencrom said:


> I was on loveshack, yes, got banned there because they protected a real hussbag named Lizzie60.
> 
> My all time favorite, which is now closed down, was chatcheaters.com They didn't take s*** off of cheaters and OW/OM. My handle there was Muffinman. I tried looking for archives just to remember some of the smackdowns I threw down, but can't find any.


I was on LS for a long time and everything was fine until the owner, Paul, came back after being hands off for so long. He is a woke liberal and will just delete posts by anyone who isn't. My membership is still active over there. I just don't go there anymore except if I need to reference something I might have posted years ago. 

The big drawback to that besides that one thing is it's just not as much fun because you can't post photos or videos or music or anything. Like it would be super easy to just make a new forum if you didn't want to buy space for all that fun stuff.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I looked at a few other places but quickly figured out the others pretty much sucked. Despite the few crybabies that come around I like that we all can call each other out on crap and no one runs off butt hurt. The gender split is pretty good and it isn’t a “divided sexes” environment. People who are willing to help themselves get a lot of support but the eternal no hopes get 2x4s.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> I was reading stuff on DB (Dead Bedrooms) for a while, when I was having similar problems. But I was never a member - too depressing, even for me!


I dabbled in that forum for a bit. Too many there advocate for cheating rather than ending their current relationship first. 

I can't get on board with that. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> SI is pretty much deserted. Posters and mods can't figure it out. They updated the site a while ago and it hasn't been the same since. It used to be very busy.


I have noticed that as well. What mods have you discussed this with over there?

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

farsidejunky said:


> I have noticed that as well. What mods have you discussed this with over there?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


I created an account on LoveShack as I was certain my H was on there, yes, that wasn’t very mature. But then I posted saying (under a woman’s post that seemed a little too familiar) she was having an affair, with a married man, she’s also married, etc. All of the details fit my H and his gf, so I posted “I’m the wife who knows her H is having an affair, and in reading their messages to each other, they’re both egging each other to divorce their spouses” so Lo and behold, I receive a warning that my post was removed as I cannot shame others. Well hello, why is that website encouraging people to leave their spouses to be with their gf/bf? Honestly, I don’t know what I wanted to accomplish but it irked me to read this woman’s post.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

farsidejunky said:


> I have noticed that as well. What mods have you discussed this with over there?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


There is a thread in the WW section titled "It is very quiet". I don't post there.


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## So far so good (7 mo ago)

I have been on SI for many years. What made me quit is the attitude one of of their "guide" to protect and excuse cheating women.

For example, in the waywards section, a cheating wife is asking for help on how to fix herself. The guide basically tells her that her H must be mentally ill if he can’t get over just one BJ…. Really?


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> “Hussbag”. 😂😂😂😂😂


Well, she is.😉


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