# How many marriages end with an affair? (POLL)



## stupidGuy (Jul 13, 2012)

I set up this poll to get an estimate about how often when a marriage ends asymmetrically (one of the spouses decides to abandon the marriage while the other doesnt) there is a third person involved.
From my experience there is many people that do believe that there is nothing going on and then after 10 pages of discussion it still is the case that there was a OM/OW...so please only check the "I know for a fact that there is no affair going on" if you really know it i.e. as a result of thorough surveillance or if you are the "walk away spouse" yourself.


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## boxhead201 (Jun 8, 2012)

My wife abandoned me and had an EA with one of her MIL's doctors. My marriage is over.


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## stupidGuy (Jul 13, 2012)

please vote


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

In my case there was nothing going on (and yes, I did a very thorough job to make sure). However, even so, there was a lot of confiding in friends rather than me, and a distinct change away from her traditional friends and a gravitation towards those who would more readily validate her decision (i.e. other still single divorcee crowd). So perhaps you could say an EA with friends....all the stuff she should have been telling me (if she wanted to even really try with the marriage) she told other people instead.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think the cheating was the end game but not actually why we divorced. There were SO many other issues.


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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I think the cheating was the end game but not actually why we divorced. There were SO many other issues.


I absolutely agree. For my wife it is a symptom of a much deeper issue related to her self-esteem. She hops from one relationship to another due to her inability to face her internal problems. Looking outside for a solution within.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As JB said... There was an affair (mine), but it's not the reason the marriage ended. My wife never knew I cheated, and I had ended the affair before deciding to end the marriage (and I did not connect with an AP after the marriage ended).

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

I think EA definetly....but not always PA. 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stupidGuy (Jul 13, 2012)

I know, more often than not the affair is rather a symptom than the reason. Still, I am just interested in how often an affair happens when or shortly before a marriage breaks down. just trying to get some idea on how people function in those situations..


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I always hesitate to post in your thread because I don't want to start a reply like this:

Stupid,

I think.....


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## shakeitout (Jul 31, 2012)

My STBX had a confirmed EA and PA in the past but it was swept under the rug. I discovered another EA in June and he insisted it never became a PA but I'm unsure. He was also in the beginnings of a EA last year but he broke off contact with her before it ever really got anywhere once he found out she was the workplace's bicycle (everyone got a ride) and she was just using him (started asking to borrow money and wanted him to co-sign on a car for her).


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

After I discovered my STBX's affair, he asked for a divorce.


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## BronteVillette (Jun 16, 2012)

Wasn't aware of infidelity until late into the separation. In beginning, STBXH played it off as if he needed space and I shouldn't give up hope. Then, after a while he confessed he was seeing someone. I found out on my own that it had been going on well before he even gave me the ILYBNIL speech. Only recently (year separation), he admitted it was true and that was only when I called him on it.


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## goingthroughpain (Aug 16, 2012)

For me, the PA wasn't actually a big deal. What bothered me was the EA.

I remember when my stbxw got the job she had been working very hard towards. I had helped her with her presentation, resume building, rehearsal, what to wear, etc. All told, we probably spent about 10-15 hours just working for her to get that job.

The day of the interview, I tell to call me the second she finds out if she got it. It turns out, she contacted her mom first, her EA next, and then another friend (who was a pretty close to being an EA) before I was called. Why those people? Because she didn't want to share her joy with me.

I was furious when I found out a few weeks later. In retrospect, that was pretty well the surest sign that she wasn't wanting to be with me anymore.

My conclusion: Affair can be symptomatic, but it also contributes to marriage breakdown. If you're willing to have an EA or PA, your heart's not in it anymore.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Very sad statistics! Very Sad!


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

:


sadwithouthim said:


> Very sad statistics! Very Sad!


:iagree::iagree::iagree: It _IS_ Sad!


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## stupidGuy (Jul 13, 2012)

I was expecting a good share of "affair confirmed" but that just blows me away...lets see how these numbers evolve...

btw, this is a good poll to direct people to who got some kind of "the love is gone" speech out of the blue but still believe that there is no affair (for "sure") (like I was)


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## stupidGuy (Jul 13, 2012)

> I always hesitate to post in your thread because I don't want to start a reply like this:
> 
> Stupid,
> 
> I think.....


yeah, my nick is kind of ...well stupid..  just call me sg or guy or maybe dude ..


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