# Is cheating the norm now?



## huebnem (May 8, 2013)

I am 6 months into my tour in Korea and I have had alot of time to reflect. Every duty station, deployment, and mission all I hear and see is an increasing number of people treating sex and relationships like a game.

It has happened to me and it happens to many others. I try to tell myself that it is just the military and I should look elsewhere but to be honest, all I got from civilian womem was the same thing.

Am I just blowing things out of proportion? At this point I am against dating in almost any form because as a mechanic I will refuse to start a project if I think it's doomed. That spread into my personal life and my friends pointed out that I don't work well with females and just kinda brush them off.

My divorce really didn't get me as down as I thought it would...I think. She cheated anx I shut it down which seemed fairly simple. I was mostly mad that her family ruined my lawn.

I'm also not saying that only females are cheating. I head these other males talk at the smoke pit and it is disgusting. Females even join the conversation and don't tell them to shut up. I can't help but wonder if our society has just not taken proper action against infidelity. It's a huge offense in the military which isn't stopping anyone. Ot also seems lile alot of times the victim is harassex and turned into the bad person!


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

Not surprising since marriage and divorce has replaced dating, or at least that what it seems like.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Seems like it.

Sucks, huh?

And yes, men are cheating just as often as women. After all, w/ whom do you think the men are cheating?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Perhaps if we stigmatized infidelity the same way we stigmatize lion hunting, there would be less infidelity?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

huebnem said:


> I am 6 months into my tour in Korea and I have had alot of time to reflect. Every duty station, deployment, and mission all I hear and see is an increasing number of people treating sex and relationships like a game.
> 
> It has happened to me and it happens to many others. I try to tell myself that it is just the military and I should look elsewhere but to be honest, all I got from civilian womem was the same thing.
> 
> ...


It is getting pretty bad but the military has outrageous levels of infidelity and promiscuity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

In my job, MANY Patrol cops cheat.. 

I know one woman ( cop ) who is gonna marry another cop.. She is fvcking a guy I know and someone else.. But she also makes her BF swing because she wants d!ck.. 

He tells her why get married.. Because she wants a kid.. He tells me she fvcks to get what she wants at work.. 

For a guy like me it is very disheartening.. She in her 30s.. So if she was in her 40s and divorced with a kid.. This might be the woman I am trying to meet on some OLD site that paints herself as a loyal woman with high morals.. 

This utterly scares me.. I mean it really honestly puts me in a panic.. I wish I was making this sh!t up..


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Hardtohandle said:


> In my job, MANY Patrol cops cheat..
> 
> I know one woman ( cop ) who is gonna marry another cop.. She is fvcking a guy I know and someone else.. But she also makes her BF swing because she wants d!ck..
> 
> ...


Damn.

That slore doesn't need to be in a relationship of ANY kind, whether it be husband/wife, parent/child, or whatever.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

The Middleman said:


> Perhaps if we stigmatized infidelity the same way we stigmatize lion hunting, there would be less infidelity?


Ha! Only until there's no one left for anybody to actually cheat on...


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I think certain jobs/lifestyles seem to attract cheaters more than others. Military/L.E. among them. Firefighters are also notorious for it. Any job that requires extended travel--you're going to see a lot of it. You have to keep in mind that while that behavior might seem to show up a lot among the people you are currently associated with, it's not across the board.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Well this why guys are finally starting to wake up to the fraud of marriage...
Men in today's world are doing this. There is a movement going on called MGTOW and what is happening is that men are boycotting and marriage. As a woman what would you do to fix this problem and make dating and marriage more beneficial to men?

MGTOW Forum: Going Your Own Way


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

It does looks this way. It like a spiral of civilization. You can see parallels on moral behavior tracing from Roman Empire till present time. Cheating was also present through times. The difference is only in the way how it was discussed. Some times it was taboo to talk about it, other time it is like a badge of honor. Nothing really changed, after all, we are part of animal kingdom. Some specimens have not graduated yet to higher beings. Now it all depends on personal moral grounds.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> Perhaps if we stigmatized infidelity the same way we stigmatize lion hunting, there would be less infidelity?


How I would love to go there.

LOL


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Japan is even worse.
Guys are finally checking out.
You make all these BS laws that screw men they are saying see ya.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

tom67 said:


> Well this why guys are finally starting to wake up to the fraud of marriage...
> Men in today's world are doing this. There is a movement going on called MGTOW and what is happening is that men are boycotting and marriage. As a woman what would you do to fix this problem and make dating and marriage more beneficial to men?
> 
> MGTOW Forum: Going Your Own Way


I had not heard of MGTOW, so i searched it and found this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVbR1oI_200

Bat.
Sh!t.
Crazy.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

tom67 said:


> Japan is even worse.
> Guys are finally checking out.
> You make all these BS laws that screw men they are saying see ya.


Not gonna get any better either.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> In my job, MANY Patrol cops cheat..
> 
> I know one woman ( cop ) who is gonna marry another cop.. She is fvcking a guy I know and someone else.. But she also makes her BF swing because she wants d!ck..
> 
> ...


You can't be the only one that knows this.

Not in law enforcement but I confront that crap wherever I see it.

Peer pressure can be a beautiful thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I did 40 years in the military. In Iraq several officers were courts martialed for adultery in my unit. Our commander was a tough infantry officer. Prior to our mission in Iraq one of our other brigades went to Iraq. I knew the brigade commander from the time we were both 1st Lieutenants. He made it up the ranks to Colonel and I lost my commission due to an administrative oversight (no fault of mine) and I became a Master Sergeant. I had to deal with his sexual harassment when we were Lieutenants and when I went to the generals (he was a general's aide), they protected him and reassigned the three females who came to me with complaints of sexual harassment. When he was in command in Iraq it took 54 complaints to have him removed. The last incident was when he called a captain into his office and ordered her to have sex with him. She turned around and walked out and due to the higher command in Iraq turning a blind eye, she called a general in the states and all the complaints could not be ignored when the captain (who is a friend of mine) threatened to take all the 54 complaints to the media. He was relieved of command in disgrace.

I have seen the best in soldiers and I have seen the worse. When I was in Iraq it was difficult to hide. Lower ranking soldiers had video equipment and recorded officers misdeeds. I actually found it funny when a soldier came to me with a video and asked what they should do. I sent them to the brigade XO (an officer I knew from the time I was an officer). He took speedy action.

The brigade commander would joke with me saying "The Thorburn Mafia strikes again". He called it that because soldiers felt comfortable coming to me and I would send the soldiers to the XO. 

When we were stateside the brigade commander became the Division Chief of Staff and we would often talk and laugh about some of the antics we had to deal with in Iraq. He had a good morale compass but was a tough SOB.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You don't tell the females to shut up.

How big of you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

3putt said:


> How I would love to go there.
> 
> LOL


Please do ... That's why I put it out there.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> I had not heard of MGTOW, so i searched it and found this.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVbR1oI_200
> 
> ...


Easy now he's Canadian but he's okay:wink2: kidding
Sandman eh try this one

Try Turd Flinging Monkey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl6pgsM45vI


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'd love to watch it, but my gynocentric oppressor is making me take my daughter (someone's future gynocentric oppressor?) to martial arts so she can learn to kick some guy in the nuts.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> I'd love to watch it, but my gynocentric oppressor is making me take my daughter (someone's future gynocentric oppressor?) to martial arts so she can learn to kick some guy in the nuts.


Okay oppressive sh!tlord.:rofl::rofl::toast:


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> Please do ... That's why I put it out there.


Not around here.


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

yes cheating is a norm these days.
people are all about being independent. gone are the days of join accounts.

But the truth is you can tell if a person is a cheater dead on. your just denying it.

We always chose the Bad Girl/Guy.
cause bad people are just exciting.

The Golden Rule of My Generation!
"CHEAT FIRST!"

-----------------------------------------
Here's the Ultimate MGTOW

ALL YOU BETRAYED MEN. HOW TO DEAL WITH WOMEN. CHEATED BY ONE WOMAN
I WILL CHEAT ON ALL OF WOMEN! NO MERCY!

If you want a war on women Justin Wayne is your guide.

https://www.youtube.com/user/JustinWayneDating


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

3putt said:


> Not around here.


Ha!
Picture protesting a cheater's business, place of work or home with the same frenzy that the animal rights activists are doing right now to that dentist. Posting their nude selfies on line like the lion photos. Should do something to curb cheating, don't you think?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> Ha!
> Picture protesting a cheater's business, place of work or home with the same frenzy that the animal rights activists are doing right now to that dentist. Posting their nude selfies on line like the lion photos. Should do something to curb cheating, don't you think?


Go back to AT FAULT divorces.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> Ha!
> Picture protesting a cheater's business, place of work or home with the same frenzy that the animal rights activists are doing right now to that dentist. Posting their nude selfies on line like the lion photos. Should do something to curb cheating, don't you think?


Hey, you said that, not me. 

I get myself in enough trouble around here as it is.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I think there has always been cheating. For centuries married men have had mistresses on the side. I don't think it's anymore prevalent now than back then. When I was a kid in the 70's I remember several friends of my parents splitting because of cheating, always the men. My dad had an affair in the 80's. My FIL had an affair in the 60's. It's alway been around.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

The Middleman said:


> Ha!
> Picture protesting a cheater's business, place of work or home with the same frenzy that the animal rights activists are doing right now to that dentist. Posting their nude selfies on line like the lion photos. Should do something to curb cheating, don't you think?


I had an employee a few years ago that was cheating and as the great rumor mill is the news spread around town. It's a retail environment and sales in her department increased significantly with guys trying to impress her buying all sorts of stuff acting like big shots trying to score a date with her. So much for protests.

I can't think of more than a couple of people who haven't cheated or been cheated on. The stigma is gone in our society and the lack of consequences just makes it too easy.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

honcho said:


> The stigma is gone in our society* and the lack of consequences just makes it too easy.*


That's pretty much it right there.


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## huebnem (May 8, 2013)

The problem is there are actually consequences for cheating...enforcing them is another matter. They Army will take your career...but from my experience with my divorce and others you pretty much need a video of them having sex and then confessions from both parties.


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## huebnem (May 8, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> You don't tell the females to shut up.
> 
> How big of you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I never said that...

I didn't expand on that point but the problem we have created is that even females don't call out the males on the nasty **** they talk about at the smoke pit. It can be really disgusting and degrading...

Go ahead call men out for behaving like *******s...but either reread statements or ask for clarification before talking ****. 

Don't get mad or hurt if I seem upset...but my job has me trying to lead soldiers and keep them in check so I deal with a lot of their BS every day. I am currently trying to get one kicked out or at least punished for underage drinking and sexual assault.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

huebnem said:


> I never said that...
> 
> I didn't expand on that point but the problem we have created is that even females don't call out the males on the nasty **** they talk about at the smoke pit. It can be really disgusting and degrading...
> 
> ...


Uhhh... how about kicked out, prosecuted, convicted, and incarcerated?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

3putt said:


> That's pretty much it right there.


I have no problem being judgmental and stigmatizing them, even if I'm a mob of one. They will know that I think that they are dirt. Now please excuse me, I'm planning a safari.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> I have no problem being judgmental and stigmatizing them, even if I'm a mob of one. They will know that I think that they are dirt. Now please excuse me, I'm planning a safari.


LOL


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Cheating is certainly common but there's a mindset that makes is common thus there are red flags to show you who is more likely to stray. Military is probably higher than civilian.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

huebnem said:


> I am 6 months into my tour in Korea and I have had alot of time to reflect. Every duty station, deployment, and mission all I hear and see is an increasing number of people treating sex and relationships like a game.
> 
> It has happened to me and it happens to many others. I try to tell myself that it is just the military and I should look elsewhere but to be honest, all I got from civilian womem was the same thing.
> 
> ...


In recent years, the statistics are that about 20% of married men cheat, and about 17% of married women cheat.

I do think that there is more cheating going on with those around the military as the environment makes it easier.

If you do not work well with women, that's not a good thing. What does cheating have to do with the working with women?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hardtohandle said:


> In my job, MANY Patrol cops cheat..
> 
> I know one woman ( cop ) who is gonna marry another cop.. She is fvcking a guy I know and someone else.. But she also makes her BF swing because she wants d!ck.. ..


She makes her BF swing? Really???? Now that's pretty funny. How does she make him do this? He swings because he wants to. If he did not want to he would not swing. Let's at least put the responsibility for his own behavior square on his shoulders.




Hardtohandle said:


> He tells her why get married.. Because she wants a kid.. He tells me she fvcks to get what she wants at work..
> 
> For a guy like me it is very disheartening.. She in her 30s.. So if she was in her 40s and divorced with a kid.. This might be the woman I am trying to meet on some OLD site that paints herself as a loyal woman with high morals..
> 
> This utterly scares me.. I mean it really honestly puts me in a panic.. I wish I was making this sh!t up..


The same goes for women who want faithful husbands, it's scary out there. That's why taking a relationship slowing is a good idea. 

Date and don't get sexually involved until you know who the person is. Do not married for at least 2 years. 

Most people do not cheat.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

My h is military. He's cheated twice. Once while TDY and once on a deployment. I have been suspicious of other infidelities on his part on several of his other deployments (7 deployments in the last 10.5 years, with each being 6 months long). However, I've had no proof. 

The two women he cheated with knew he was married and said they specifically were looking for married men. They did not want to deal with having a relationship. They said their job is stressful enough, a relationship would just complicate their lives more. So...they decide to complicate someone else's. Nice, huh?

Anyway, like you said, people will go out to the pit and talk about who they had sex with and where. Each deployment location has a known "f*cking area". It's nasty. For those of us who are loyal, it sucks. I have the same outlook you do. I'm not very optimistic about relationships any longer. If my H and I end up in divorce...I sure as hell will not be out there dating anyone. I can get just as much satisfaction from my vibrator without it lying to me.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Most people do not cheat.


I have a hard time believing this even if statistics say otherwise. 

When I think of all the people I am close with, they have all cheated or been cheated on.

I think that's why when I told my closest friends about my husbands sex with strangers and prostitutes, they were all like "meh, go to counseling, you should be grateful that he wasn't in love with someone else and it was just sex." 

I think cheating is common place. I was also in the military and it is just as bad in the civilian world.

I used to travel a lot for work and it is common in business travelers too. I could not go anywhere without getting hit on by the locals and especially other travelers because they knew my situation somehow. Eating dinner alone in a suit and wearing a diamond ring. I guess that screamed lonely married women on a business trip - try to pick me up! lol Funny thing is the spouses at home play too. Mine did.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

where_are_we said:


> I have a hard time believing this even if statistics say otherwise.
> 
> When I think of all the people I am close with, they have all cheated or been cheated on.
> 
> ...


I used to travel for work also and you get to the point where you can spot them a mile away in the hotel bar or restaurant.


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## huebnem (May 8, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> She makes her BF swing? Really???? Now that's pretty funny. How does she make him do this? He swings because he wants to. If he did not want to he would not swing. Let's at least put the responsibility for his own behavior square on his shoulders.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


That brings up another point though. Even if most people don't cheat I think that because most of the stigma is gone that we have created a caustic environment. I think it is partly filled with paranoia and mistrust and the other part is that we have created an environment where if it doesn't involve you that you shouldn't say anything.

I think I am seeing that here. I was the only person that told my friend to stay with his fiancée and not cheat with this other girl. I told him not to drink underage either. He and others told me to stay out of his business. Well, a few months later he cheats, while drunk underage, and the girl calls rape which sets off a whole new chain of events.

We don't say anything anymore...and **** gets out of hand. While we shouldn't get too involved I think that having come to accept certain sexual liberties as the norm we have created an environment where sexual assault is just a thing that happens that we deal with later instead of taking a proactive approach. It makes sex into a tool or a game.

I certainly may be wrong...but at least with the picture I get in my dealings this whole idea of "let them be" is starting to branch out into other areas. Nothing is sacred and people are taking that mentality too far. Even if only 20% of the population has a certain mindset is can affect everyone.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

gosh , should I even think about to date or remarry ?

does it help if the guy I think who may date me had been cheated on by his wife 5 years back ? so he wont cheat on me ?


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## huebnem (May 8, 2013)

tripad said:


> gosh , should I even think about to date or remarry ?
> 
> does it help if the guy I think who may date me had been cheated on by his wife 5 years back ? so he wont cheat on me ?



This isn't a kind of "all hope is lost" thing. I just wanted to see what people thought. I still have hope for the future but I do think that this is an issue that needs to be addressed before it happens rather than dealing with the messy aftermath. 

I may be scatterbrained at the moment considering it's 120 out because the humidity here is pure hell...but still...recent events and discussions in my small circle caused me to branch out.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Of course here on TAM, we are focused on infidelity in M and relationships.

But I actually think the issue goes FAR beyond that in society.

We are in a crisis about ACCOUNTABILITY in nearly every aspect of life.

*Bankers lose TRILLIONS through fraudulent loans?...Not their fault, no CEO's lose their jobs.

*Police shoot unarmed suspects, even young kids like the 12 year old in Cleveland?.....almost none are prosecuted.

*No one finds WMD in Iraq?.....Not a single person in government/intelligence loses their job, much less prosecuted, despite causing a war that has killed hundreds of thousands.

And I could go on and on....there is almost no area of life where the same pattern isn't repeated.

NO ONE takes responsibility for their f*ck ups anymore....and worse, society and government institutions do almost nothing to hold anyone accountable.

And don't even get me started on the collection of buffoons we call politicians, and I don't care WHICH party they come from.

We are in a systemic and society wide crisis....is it any wonder that individual citizens are abandoning accountability, loyalty, and honest behavior as well?

The idea of 'owning your sh*t'....which my father hammered into me as a kid....is becoming a very rare phenomena.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Hey D 
Stop the heresy ACCOUNTABILITY


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"Hey D
Stop the heresy ACCOUNTABILITY"

lol....yeah....most people look at you in horror or like you're crazy if you mention it to them.

Then they follow that look up with a lengthy, self-justifying, blameshifting diatribe about how they were basically forced to make the choices and take the actions they did.

It's always someone else's fault (or some freak accident they could never have foreseen), they are not to blame, and there is no way they should suffer any consequences for their choices.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

huebnem said:


> I am 6 months into my tour in Korea and I have had alot of time to reflect. Every duty station, deployment, and mission all I hear and see is an increasing number of people treating sex and relationships like a game.
> 
> It has happened to me and it happens to many others. I try to tell myself that it is just the military and I should look elsewhere but to be honest, all I got from civilian womem was the same thing.
> 
> ...



Speaking of service people did you see this Military vet catches his Active Duty Marine wife and ?Jody? red-handed, sparking social media frenzy

And his go fund me with more info Divorcing and my ship is sinking... by Brian May - GoFundMe

When I was in you would see it from time to time hell my bro caught his tech sgt in bed with his first wife cheaters can be anywhere even in your own home


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I'm sorry but I really think that we have reached the point in time that our family and domestic relations courts could now literally give a rat's a$$ about the subject of spousal infidelity occurring within a given marriage ever since the advent of "no-fault divorces!" The divorce rate has continually reached all-time highs and seems to be ever more spinning out of control ~ getting far, far worse before it ever starts to get better!

These domestic relations courts are so overburdened that they press for settlements in almost all of their cases!

And with the future looking as bleak as it does, accusing a spouse of infidelity in open court as leverage in a lawsuit is fastly on its way to being a thing of the past!

Sad but so true! They will just continue to let spousal infidelity reign supreme! And in doing so, what is the lesson that they're teaching to our youth, and to society in particular?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> "Hey D
> Stop the heresy ACCOUNTABILITY"
> 
> lol....yeah....most people look at you in horror or like you're crazy if you mention it to them.
> ...


You forgot blaming all problems on whatever disorder of the month is trendy...we are a nation of excuses.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

huebnem said:


> That brings up another point though. Even if most people don't cheat I think that because most of the stigma is gone that we have created a caustic environment. I think it is partly filled with paranoia and mistrust and the other part is that we have created an environment where if it doesn't involve you that you shouldn't say anything.


I’m a lot older than you are so I have a much longer perspective of this.

Society as always had a sort of unspoken rule that you don’t get involved. If you know someone is cheating, gossip all you want. Just do not tell the spouse. This is especially true when the cheater is the husband. After all boys will be boys. It used to be very very common that men cheated. It was expected that they would most likely have a mistress (single woman). In the past a woman was not very likely to leave a man who cheated because she had no way to support herself. Early 1900’s and before .. if a woman left her husband.. he got custody of the children and kept all assets… to include any sole property that she brought into the marriage. So men had no real incentive not to cheat.

So now the playing field is more equal.. the same consequences sexist for men and women who cheat.. well except that women are still far more likely to stay with a husband who has cheated. Men are more likely to divorce a wife who cheated.


huebnem said:


> I think I am seeing that here. I was the only person that told my friend to stay with his fiancée and not cheat with this other girl. I told him not to drink underage either. He and others told me to stay out of his business. Well, a few months later he cheats, while drunk underage, and the girl calls rape which sets off a whole new chain of events.
> 
> We don't say anything anymore...and **** gets out of hand. While we shouldn't get too involved I think that having come to accept certain sexual liberties as the norm we have created an environment where sexual assault is just a thing that happens that we deal with later instead of taking a proactive approach. It makes sex into a tool or a game. .
> 
> I certainly may be wrong...but at least with the picture I get in my dealings this whole idea of "let them be" is starting to branch out into other areas. Nothing is sacred and people are taking that mentality too far. Even if only 20% of the population has a certain mindset is can affect everyone.


Some things have changed. But a lot has not. People looking the other way has always been the norm.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I’m a lot older than you are so I have a much longer perspective of this.
> 
> Society as always had a sort of unspoken rule that you don’t get involved. If you know someone is cheating, gossip all you want. Just do not tell the spouse. This is especially true when the cheater is the husband. After all boys will be boys. It used to be very very common that men cheated. It was expected that they would most likely have a mistress (single woman). In the past a woman was not very likely to leave a man who cheated because she had no way to support herself. Early 1900’s and before .. if a woman left her husband.. he got custody of the children and kept all assets… to include any sole property that she brought into the marriage. So men had no real incentive not to cheat.
> 
> ...


You know what has changed in a nutshell
Sticks and stones may break my bones - Idioms by The Free Dictionary
Yep.
Names are harassment now comrad worker.


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## huebnem (May 8, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Uhhh... how about kicked out, prosecuted, convicted, and incarcerated?


If it was that easy I would do it. However, due to the military court process, DC being involved in everything we do, and the fact that it take 30 pages of paperwork just to take a 4 day vacation it isn't that easy to do. 

I am not saying it is right and I wish it would change but that how it is. Sometimes, the best you can do is just make sure that their career can't progress and let them get out after a few years with an Other than Honorable discharge...


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Long ago in "polite Southern Society," as dictated to me by my grandfather, (Yeah, Ele ~ I'm even more ancient than you are!) if a man were summarily found to be cheating on their wive's, it was not uncommon for either the upstanding men of the community, some often wearing white uniforms, to "come visiting the perpetrator" in the wee hours of the night and take him out to impress upon him both psychologically as well as physically, that he was not behaving up to community standards for a church going family man, whether he was drinking, gambling, fighting or cheating on his wife and children! 

Conversely, if a woman were found to be cheating, she was more often than not privately or publicly disgraced within the community.

In this day and age, as I've previously intoned, the legitimate court system could absolutely care less if infidelity is an issue within any marriage, as they most often want immediate consummation and completion of the dispute, with trial not being considered a viable option, as opposed to other such options as mediation and arbitration which places just as much, if not more money into the awaiting pockets of the litigating attorneys than the trial process would ever provide.

The only vestige of anything remotely identified as being quasi-legal that wants to know about infidelity within a marriage, might possibly be the plethora of "Divorce Court" TV programming, Dr. Phil, or even Jerry Springer and their minions!

Today's society could absolutely care less if anyone cheats anymore ~ unless, of course, that they are the ones who are being cheated on by their very own spouse!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

My FWW is a school teacher. Before she cheated on me, my attitude about cheating was "someone else's issue". I really never knew how bad it was in the school system. Admins with teachers, teachers with teachers, teachers with the parents of the kid their teaching.

20% Stat? Makes me think what my brother says (he's a Doc) when he asks personal questions to his patients. 

How many days a week do you exercise? 6 Doc... divide by 2.
How many drinks a day? 2 Doc... multiply by 3. 

20% is a joke.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Is cheating the new norm? Well it must be, it happened to me, so everybody must be doing it, right? I don't think it is the new norm, but rather maybe coming to light more often now. I think it also has to do with what society is preaching importance to. Marriage was considered sacred, you were shamed if you got a divorce. However, I believe that to be a bad approach, some cases of divorce are what I consider to be justified. Cases of abuse the marriage should be given divorce without shame to the victim. 

My parents had a good marriage, then a bad marriage, and now a good marriage. They separated, worked on the marriage and then got back together. Marriage takes an effort from both spouses, good communication skills, and vulnerability. Your spouse needs to be your best friend, your lover, and your companion for life. I entered my marriage this way, but allowed myself to get comfortable. In many ways I let my marriage down, my spouse down, myself down, and I will not let that happen again. 

My WW did the same, but took her pain to someone else, then my marriage was officially dead. I was raised that you put effort in your marriage, respect, value, and pride in what you both built. I failed in many ways, but each way I failed the marriage could have been repaired. My WW failed the marriage also, but her affair made the damage so great, repair was not an option. 

Infidelity damaging, destroys, and kills the persons and marriage involved. The marriage has to be rebuilt, from the ground up, nothing from the marriage can be saved. The people involved are essentially killed as well, you change and you have no choice. The marriage can be rebuilt, but can this be done successfully? Can you love your spouse after you change? Will your spouse love your changes? If you accept and love the changes can you rebuild from the destruction, or is it too much? 

The single most key factor of a marriage is trust. After infidelity trust is gone, communication can still exist without trust. But the communication is more simple, not vulnerable as it was before. Without trust you won't open fully to your spouse, which causes damage to the marriage. I struggle with reconciliation as I don't trust my WW to the extent I feel I should. I will never blindly or fully trust her again but I can trust more then I do now. The problem is that it's so hard to earn trust back.

Marriage doesn't seem to have the value, respect, and reputation it once had. It doesn't appear to be respected as when times get tough people just say lets get divorced. The reputation that marriage is for life has definitely faded. The value you place on marriage seems to have fallen faster then the strength of the US dollar. No longer does it seem to me that people value the marriage, at times I feel people think marriage is disposable. 

The fact that marriage has lost value is sad, the fact that infidelity occurs is even worse. I am teaching my boys that you respect, protect, value, and take pride in your marriage. That you communicate, be vulnerable, and trust your best friend and lover. I will teach them about relationships before marriage, and that you date one person at a time. 

So is cheating the new norm? Or is it that we think differently about marriage then before?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Cheating and all the rest stem from one basic problem, maturity. I am unsure if we even realize what the word means. We look to government and society to administer retribution to those who commit offenses, why? the only people who should be exercising discipline are parents. Once an individual has matured they should self govern from that point on. However, since maturity is not occurring, the government, society, employers, law enforcement, school teachers and any and all others must assume the roll of parent. This is problematic in that those who are relegated to act as parents are themselves too immature and lacking in understanding to adequately perform their task.

The US constitution states in the preamble the role of government as prescribed by our founders. It does not include controlling the people by legislating every aspect of our daily life. As we slide farther and farther into the abyss of immaturity the government, schools, corporations and the like are trying to force individuals to act maturely by coercion, threats and intimidation. This simply will not work because the disciplinary effect of those methods are only as good as their enforcement and then only when the perpetrator is caught. Self governance is the only viable way to sustain an advanced society and that is not possible in the absence of mature, rational thinking adults, something our culture is in dangerously short supply of currently.

We have become a world of children whose primary objective in life is our own pleasure and gratification. We advise people with WSs to "set boundaries" and "demand transparency", in other words, to behave as parent since the WS is incapable of governing themselves. This is not sustainable long term. We must focus our attention on the family and the instruction and tutelage of our children thereby assuring that they actually mature into viable, productive members of society. This is the only way to insure our advancement as a people and to turn around the current societal trend towards narcissistic behavior.

If we cannot accomplish this refocusing of our efforts on the family and the subsequent maturing of our children, then cheating will indeed be the new norm along with all the other vices resulting from the lack of individual accountability. Government and society can only sustain order until they too loose viability as the decadence proliferates. It may already be too far gone.


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## CTPlay (Apr 26, 2015)

I would like to add NC, that I maintain in addition to the values of governing oneself through maturity, modern society has seemed to remove the importance of community. 

In small, less developed communities, your actions, words, and intentions, were always in the presence of your neighbors. What you did, how you treated others in the community, how you helped the community, had real consequence and gains on you personally. You needed your neighbors to survive. It starts with family, reinforced by friends, governed by community. Micro to Macro social support. 

Today, I would argue your physical survival doesn't necessarily depend upon your neighbor, your friends, or even your parents. 

I'm not saying we need to go back to a Amish way of life. The human race is moving forward which is awesome, but it seems to have unintended side effects. 

Today, I think that economic consequences are far scarier then social ones.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

“The obvious effect of frivolous divorce will be frivolous marriage. If people can be separated for no reason they will feel it all the easier to be united for no reason.”


― G.K. Chesterton, The Superstition of Divorce




This was 100 years ago.....


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

DifficultyFacingReality said:


> "Cheating" has been the norm for a very, very long time. For centuries, men have cheated on women and women have cheated on men. FOR CENTURIES. What's different today is what becomes of the "cheated on in marriage".
> 
> The women's movement was about (1) freeing women from the slavery of marriage, (2) the sexual liberation of women and (3), most notably, the destruction of the patriarchy (the destruction of men).
> 
> ...


Now that's one helluva first post. Hard to argue with as well.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

DifficultyFacingReality said:


> Thanks. I was hoping to make a splash. I fully expect to be banned in short order. Tis OK. I'm usually banned after my first post.


Why would you want to be banned? Or is that you KK?


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

3putt said:


> Now that's one helluva first post. Hard to argue with as well.


I doubt it's really his "first" post.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> I doubt it's really his "first" post.


Read my follow up post.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

3putt said:


> That's pretty much it right there.


If society held more people accountable for bad behavior they would be less of it

Lets bring back the Scarlet A

55


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

DifficultyFacingReality said:


> Is KK Klue Klux without the Klan? I don't get it...
> 
> I don't want to be banned, but many of you will come to regret my presence. They always do.


No, KK would mean KingwoodKev. The delivery sounds awfully familiar.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

DifficultyFacingReality said:


> Is KK Klue Klux without the Klan? I don't get it...
> 
> I don't want to be banned, but many of you will come to regret my presence. They always do.


You sound fun. Ride the line but don't cross it. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

DifficultyFacingReality said:


> Is KK Klue Klux without the Klan? I don't get it...
> 
> I don't want to be banned, but many of you will come to regret my presence. They always do.


Why would we regret your presence? Sounds like you intend to be a pain.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

just got it 55 said:


> Dude you can't say that:banhim::banhim:
> 
> :smile2:
> 
> 55


LOL, that's got to be Kingwood.

Damn!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It seems we were visited by a particularly juvenile troll. I've cleaned up the thread and deleted about half the posts.

Can I ask a favor? Please do not quote offensive posts. Instead report the offensive post. If you quote it... a moderator has to both delete the offensive post and your quoting of it.. which often means the mod has to read through the thread looking for the quotes. All posts from a troll can be deleted and the troll banned in action/command. But deleting quoted posts is a one quote at a time thing.

Thanks you all 

Carry on..


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