# The Porn Perception . . . would like to know what others think



## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

To start off, I'd like to say that I'm not one of those women who dislikes porn (not that I watch it - used to with my hubby until he got weird about it). Initially when I found out my husband was looking at porn it was kind of a drop in my heart, because he swore and swore and swore that he hated it and never had the need for it. And this was when I was telling HIM that I didn't find a problem if he had to look at porn every once in a while. So that's why there was the drop. Its like I was telling him it was okay, and he did his best to convince me that it was something he despised and thought was disgusting and dirty. But then he forgot to clear the history on our computer and when I went to type in a web address, my drop box had a lot of "porn xxx" type stuff below it. He was totally busted. He apologized, but you know, he's a guy. I told him not to apologize for watching it, apologize to me for lying about it. 

So, my question here, I guess, is at what point does casual porn looking become an addiction? or at least what are the signs? Anyone know. Recently my husband has started to join these sites and 'pay' for membership along with paying for downloads etc. Now, I don't have a problem with him browsing, but there was a flag that went up when I found 4 sites that he decided to register to. I only know this because he left his stupid emails open. He's always rushing off so he had the 4 different emails with his "thanks for joining, here's your password" msgs open. 

Now, idk what to think. Its not like financially we have the money for him to be splurging on monthly memberships to porn sites etc. But its not just that. The thought is okay, so now he's going to pay to see "better" things (?), pay to download them, put them on his hard drive etc, and then what? What comes after that when it wears off, do men/women normally start looking for "adult friends" online to have actual encounters with (online or in person). I just want to know what I might expect from all this. Porn is one thing, but it seems that free porn is no longer enough. 

My worry stems from the fact that we live in separate cities. Just convenience wise for now, my job, his job, kids etc, its best that way. I'm closer to all of our family and have all the kids. I understand his 'want' to watch it, but am worried it may be starting to branch out into something else. 

Any suggestions or advice?

(I didn't know where to post this - I am not yet at the point where I feel like its infidelity (if there's such a point) and I just didn't know if I should post it here or in the Sex in Marriage thread)


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

You have a problem. First get checked out for STDs as a precaution. Do it now.

What are the Next steps on the rocky route to DDay via obsessive porn usage

1) H Register on site 
2) Exchanges email addresses with others on porn site
3) Exchange Mobile numbers
4) EA 
5) PA
6) Enter into your life turmoil and pain
7) Everything in your life turned upside 


Women should be wary of a porn using husband and certainly not be to accepting of porn in the way that you have given him your acceptance...the green light.

Online porn viewed when you are not present can mean your man is not 100% present in your relationship. You are sharing his gentials, not as an exclusive couple, not even in a triangle with another woman (not yet) but, with multiple women on the internet.

With interactive webcams "membership" could be seen as nothing other than paying for sex i.e. prostitution. How would you know if the women receive a percentage of the "membership" if a ring is operating on a site owned by dodgy operators. All of this activity can be happening in your own home. 

There are "membership" sites where one can find women where their photograph is super imposed on a google street map so one can easily find out if their neighbour in the next street is available for illicit trysts. Often the women don't know that this can be done with their uploaded photographs. All this done at the click of a mouse. 

Some sites have been accused of prostitution rings operating within them. What better to mix in with the crowd with genuine people looking for a mate. 

It is for this reason no woman should allow porn unless she is in total agreement knowing what can happen and in control of any online viewing. Addiction can easily follow. For some addicts, the interaction is very real just like star struck teenagers that become obsessed with their star. Your man may become obsessed with the activity too.

When a " membership" is paid it is for introductions so you have a problem. Either get a PI onto him or check it out urgently. Not all internet introductions are prostitute related but let's face it, it is much easier to get a "membership introduction" as opposed to trawling the streets looking for a particular hooker when it can be done in the comfort of one's home.


Seven charged with using Craigslist to run prostitution ring - Craigslist, porn - PC World Australia

'Adult Friend Finder'? Something tells me this isn't just porn. [Archive] - Straight Dope Message Board

Adult Friend Finder: Is It Really Involved In A Scam?

Start checking your telephone bills, cell bills and copy them and anything else that can provide proof before tackling the issue but be careful sexually until you know what you are dealing with. 

You need to act swiftly to save your marriage; it may already be too late if his mind and body is elsewhere and you may already be on the path to dealing with the very painful journey of infidelity.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

Or he is horny and wife is not around or is not in the mood to give any.......


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

Lazarus said:


> You have a problem. First get checked out for STDs as a precaution. Do it now.
> 
> What are the Next steps on the rocky route to DDay via obsessive porn usage
> 
> ...


holy crap!

how did you go from someone watching porn (and paying for it) to a full blown affair with std's?

yes his body and mind may be somewhere else. they live in different cities! why can't the guy watch porn and take care of his own sexual needs without the automatic assumption that the next stop is hookerville?

could you be any more controlling? does he have to restrict his masturbation to only when she says he can and then she has to listen on the phone?

if the marriage needs saving, they should figure out how to live in the same house.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Married&Confused said:


> holy crap!
> 
> how did you go from someone watching porn (and paying for it) to a full blown affair with std's?
> 
> ...


Men can masturbate without porn, and so can women. it's really not that difficult.

Porn is a huge problem and one of the top issues now being put before marriage counselors, It is not something that should be dismissed. It is as destructive as physical infidelity. I personally view it as being unfaithful and don't think there is anything wrong with asking men to not use porn, just as there is nothing wrong with expecting men not to cheat.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

Syrum said:


> Men can masturbate without porn, and so can women. it's really not that difficult.
> 
> Porn is a huge problem and one of the top issues now being put before marriage counselors, It is not something that should be dismissed. It is as destructive as physical infidelity. I personally view it as being unfaithful and don't think there is anything wrong with asking men to not use porn, just as there is nothing wrong with expecting men not to cheat.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## once_bitten (Mar 28, 2011)

Boy, this is one that I can answer because I've been dealing with it for 15 years of my marriage. I just this last weekend posted about my husbands PA that I caught him in with his hands right in the cookie jar. I've listened to his begging and pleading that he loves me and wants to fix this. On my way to try to start healing I looked at the computer history in an attempt to give him credit, that I was not going to find anything. I wanted to find that he has been faithful at least where he has never been faithful in the past. Guess what? Two minutes into looking through the history I found 14 porn sites!!! I have not looked into his history in probably 2-3 years and have made it to where it clears out the history every 20 days to save room on the computer. 

So, IMO, eventually the porn isn't enough. When that drug doesn't do it anymore, they go to the heavier drugs. So, yes porn does hurt!!


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Bigwayneo said:


> Or he is horny and wife is not around or is not in the mood to give any.......


Exactly.

Laz, that was so funny.. man. When i saw " GET TESTED FOR STD'S" I thought... "What is this guy doing, screwing the library computer?"

If you have a problem with porn, then you need to talk to him about that but I wouldnt get tested for digital herpes just yet. Start having some conversations about it. I mean no guy wants to explain why he is whacking uncle pete, but if he is not getting any of the goods, it shouldnt be rocket science. 

I am a loyal spouse, so maybe we need some input from a porn watching cheater. :scratchhead:


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## HungUp (Feb 26, 2011)

While I knew that some people thought porn was ok and some didn't, I never before realised how strong some peoples views were against it.

Only my opinion here - I think there is a big difference between viewing a bit of porn when the need arises with or without a partner being present, and paying for webcam sex and getting into the other paid for services. There's is plenty of free stuff which should satisfy most desires (I personally NEVER go online for porn).

I work away from home and I must confess I have needs even when I'm away from home. So does my wife (unfortunately she went a bit far - nothing to do with porn though!). While it is not a regular occurrence, we have put on a dvd for a bit of fun 'together' (a waste of time really as she barely gets past the introductions before she's all over me - much fun though!). She even has her favourite dvd for when I'm away, but of course she says she rarely watches it/them . I actually like the thought of her enjoying herself and if the porn adds to the thrill then so be it. 

My point is, it's not only men who view porn. I've been asked by my married friends to borrow dvd's for their wifes to watch with them (not good when I give the wrong disks!). So is it right to label ALL porn wrong?

Edit: After re-reading I thought I'd better add that no, I do not have a vast library of porn, and I also do not enjoy anything which I cannot comfortably watch with my wife. She has access to ALL the disks I have (other than the ones my friends wifes won't return  ).


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## Simon Phoenix (Aug 9, 2010)

My view is rather simple; if you are paying for it, you have a problem. With all the free stuff out there on the net, there really is no reason for anyone to buy memberships for anything. And yes, webcams and the other kinky stuff is a bit much.

But if you are not paying for it and watching it because the S/O isn't in the mood to give you any, the person should not be condemned for it. But if live sex at home is being passed up for Memorex, that is an entirely different story..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Syrum said:


> Men can masturbate without porn, and so can women. it's really not that difficult.
> 
> Porn is a huge problem and one of the top issues now being put before marriage counselors, It is not something that should be dismissed. It is as destructive as physical infidelity. I personally view it as being unfaithful and don't think there is anything wrong with asking men to not use porn, just as there is nothing wrong with expecting men not to cheat.


If you believe that 90% of men view porn, or use a more conservative estimate of 50%), you are implying that 50-90% of marriages are being destroyed because of it. I just can't make that leap of faith.

Even if we agree that it is a major issue in front of marriage counselors, you would have to convince me that porn is the issue and not a wife's intolerance of it and her controlling attitude that isn't the real issue.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

The real issue isn't porn anyway, its something more deeper going on in the relationship, especially those who prefer it to their spouses. Porn is a symptom, not the cause.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> If you believe that 90% of men view porn, or use a more conservative estimate of 50%), you are implying that 50-90% of marriages are being destroyed because of it. I just can't make that leap of faith.
> 
> Even if we agree that it is a major issue in front of marriage counselors, you would have to convince me that porn is the issue and not a wife's intolerance of it and her controlling attitude that isn't the real issue.


You would have to convince me that the real issue isn't that men seem to think they have a right to buy women. 

You would have to convince me that the issue isn't that men watch porn and then wonder why doesn't my wife measure up?

You would have to convince me that the women in porn look like the average woman and that most men would love it if their wives regularly and often secretively and dishonestly got hot and orgasmed over young men with giant penis's.

You would have to convince me that watching porn enhances the connection between people.

You would have to convince me that watching someone else naked doing things that only intimate partners should be doing together is a good thing.

You would have to convince me of and tell me the difference between prostitution and porn. As one is just prostitution filmed.

You would have to convince me that it's OK to commodify and buy and sell women.

You would have to convince me that no young women are taken advantage of or harmed/drugged/ abused in the making of porn.

You would have to convince me that porn makes men into better lovers and communicators.

You would have to convince me that women are of no consequence and their suffering doesn't matter.

You would have to convince me that you would be fine if your wife/ mother/ sister or daughter went into the porn industry or else that would make you a huge hypocrite.

You would have to convince me that after watching porn men do not compare their wives and lovers to what they have seen.

You would have to convince me that porn is harmless.


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## HungUp (Feb 26, 2011)

Syrum

Have you ever heard of 'The Chippendales' and plenty other male groups?

Women are as capable of ogling young hunks aswell as men ogle beautiful women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Syrum said:


> You would have to convince me that the real issue isn't that men seem to think they have a right to buy women.
> 
> You would have to convince me that the issue isn't that men watch porn and then wonder why doesn't my wife measure up?
> 
> ...


Some of your points are valid, however with the number of men (and women) who view porn, I can't see how it can be blamed on the destruction of an equal number of marriages.


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## once_bitten (Mar 28, 2011)

While I don't find any stimulation in it I think porn can be used in ways if agreed up in the marriage. BUT, in my case my husband is a sex addict. Porn has had a huge impact on our marriage in the past. He doesn't watch it because he is lacking in the physical intimacy department, he always got more than any other married couple we know personally. At least the ones with kids, jobs and life. He watched it because he couldn't help himself. An alcoholic can't go to the bar night after night and not expect to relapse. My husband can't get on the computer night after night without expecting the same relapse. It has effected our sex life in that he has delayed ejaculation. Not only am I expected to have sex with him on a consistant basis but I'm also expected to be able to take time off of work to do it. I work 3rd shift and honestly it is the only time that we could do it with any privacy so it has to be done on my lunch hour. I've been called out on it by my boss (I work at home but do have a clock to punch and accounts I'm expected to be signed in on). I had to go through the embarrasement of explaining my situation to my boss. YES, I blame porn for a lot going on with me and while my husband made a conscious decision to cheat, I can't help but wonder if it was because all the of the sudden the porn wasn't enough. He needed to take it to the next level. 

Porn can ruin marriages!!


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## hapagirl (Apr 6, 2011)

I agree with you on this when you said 'It has effected our sex life in that he has delayed ejaculation. Porn can ruin marriages.'
I noticed it too over time I thought it was just his DNA. There definitely is link from porn, masturbation and delay ejac. When my H tried to stop the porn and masturbation he had early ejac problem.
I don't think you should compromise. Its like telling a drug addict he can smoke pot but don't inhale.

There are three main reasons why people turn to pornography: to see their fantasies acted out, to avoid intimacy in a relationship, and simply to aid masturbation. One of the key features of addiction, some psychologist says, is the development of a tolerance to the addictive things. In this case more porn. 

I personally don't like the idea that my spouse is thinking and lusting over a stranger when he got his partner in his bed and how could that be honoring me as his wife. Making me feel like I am not enough. How can this help any marriage bed. 

If you men think you are not progressing in the some level of porn addiction I dare you to stop it cold turkey and see if you are not craving it or tempted to see it again. I know men are wired very different than us females.

I met some of these poor women who are forced to do this for living and believe me they are not enjoying it.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

HungUp said:


> Syrum
> 
> Have you ever heard of 'The Chippendales' and plenty other male groups?
> 
> ...


Yes I sure have heard of them and know that there are no where near as many male strippers as female ones. No where near as much porn made and geared towards women as men. Main stream porn is in fact now over whelmingly geared towards male pleasure only, with women deriving pleasure only from the excitement of males, and just getting f&^(ed, not receiving real pleasure. 

Women sure are capable oggling young hunks, but I have noticed that most women tend to want an actual loving connection along with a sexual one, no not all women. But men are specifically being socialized away from that loving connection, and porn adds hugely this problem. Then couples wonder why there is such disconnect, and men are asking why can't my wife just give me sex? WHY? 

Umm perhaps because you are now missing the crucial ingredients due to a steady socialization and diet of treating women like sex objects and not people.


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

On many "subscription" adult find a friend sites, funny how it is only women's photographs that come up on google street maps and not men!

For some men, it is intrigue initially, then it becomes habit, then it isn't enough and therein follows the "subscription" service and a raft of other "services" where it moves to the next level, sex with a stranger, an EA to PA. Meanwhile back at home, an innocent party often none the wiser just thinks her husband likes the odd bit of porn.


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## MariaR (Apr 4, 2011)

There is such a thing as a Rule and the Exceptions to the Rule. If it's occasional and for "entertainment" then that's one thing. When it's ongoing then it's a personality trait, it the nature of him, it's his character. 

I have friends who smoke pot... even those with kids. I know they are good people and don't judge their character. However, I know who I am and my tolerance/intolerance for things, and that would be a dealbreaker. Someone I would not want to marry or stay married to.

I am on my 2nd marriage and "discovered" with each that their "Exception" of looking at the occasional nudie picture was a much bigger problem. It is about addiction, betrayal and feeling deceived. 

It is like if I had a work-spouse, a flirtation, an emotional affair. If it's in the imagination and is strictly a fantasy, that's one thing. But it's about him "wanting" to be with someone else. That, in my book, is a form of cheating. I don't think he'd appreciate my justifying any form of cheating.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Syrum said:


> Women sure are capable oggling young hunks, but I have noticed that most women tend to want an actual loving connection along with a sexual one, no not all women. But men are specifically being socialized away from that loving connection, and porn adds hugely this problem.


And yet, from all footage I've seen and first-hand descriptions that I've heard from women I know...women at male strip clubs are far rowdier and much more flagrant with their wandering hands, hooting and hollering at the beefcake. Meanwhile, men at female strip clubs tend to be more reserved, quieter and, if the stereotype is to be believed, fall for the dancers' "she's REALLY into me" approach.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Grayson said:


> And yet, from all footage I've seen and first-hand descriptions that I've heard from women I know...women at male strip clubs are far rowdier and much more flagrant with their wandering hands, hooting and hollering at the beefcake. Meanwhile, men at female strip clubs tend to be more reserved, quieter and, if the stereotype is to be believed, fall for the dancers' "she's REALLY into me" approach.


I have been to both, I have witnessed bad behaviour at both. I do know statistically that women are less likely to visit a male strip club or view male strippers then men and if they do they do it far far less often. 

I also know as a woman and from talking to other women, that often their behaviour is reactionary to society and men. I am not saying it is true of all women, but women sometimes get sick of being treated like pieces of meat, and they get tired of their husbands acting this way towards women, so in a sense it's payback. in all likelihood, the women are not looking at these men thinking I want to F&^% him. if a woman engages in a fantasy it is much more in depth then that. They are usually making a lot of noise, with not much going beyond that.

Does that excuse it? Nope! I do not support females seeing male strippers either, to me it's commodification and wrong. 

But we all know the scales are not the same and it's no justification for men to treat women like products and not people.


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## once_bitten (Mar 28, 2011)

You know, I can honestly say that while I thought the ONS was the worst thing he could ever do to me, I honestly think the porn hurts the most. I've dealt with this during the most trying times of my life, new babies, pregnancy, job changes, financial issues and this one so happened to coincide with a change in pastors at our church, so that is his excuse this time. 

I told him last time that this was it. I've had it with the porn, his choice, the porn or me. I'm tired of having to compare, always feel inferior to his fantasy life. Everytime my self esteem gets less and less and I have to psych myself out for sex and become this mindless wh*** for him to try to make him happy, fail, feel worse about myself, round and round. 

The only difference is now I can put a sure name to what I've suspected for years, my husband is a sex addict. So, I throw my "in sickness and in health" out the window or stick with him and we all get treatment. It is not just us now, we have 5 of us effected by his actions. On one hand I don't want my daughters growing up thinking you should be a doormat to your husband, on the other I want them to know that marriage is precious and that you fight it thick and thin to make it work, not just go for the easy way out, and yes, divorce is the easy way when it comes to this. 

Honestly, I'm still unsure what I'm going to do. I can honestly say I love him, unconditionally. I honestly never thought I could feel that way for anybody but my kids but I think I have proven I have it for him. My first therapy appointment is tomorrow and in time I hope to at least be able to figure out what I want. 

You know what, I'm more selfish now. I get to give myself more fully to God because I don't have the guilt anymore, the resentment of SEX!! I never realized how it effected me, always thinking it was MY fault. I would have sex with my husband and literally pray that God would make it over with, pray that He would just make him finish. I faked it, made all the noises and motions because that is what he likes, tried to make it exciting, but I wasn't there. I was somewhere else, pretending to be someone else so I could protect my own feelings. All this for an hour or longer, before finally realizing that no matter what I do I cannot make him finish. (I imagine much like the women staring in his favorite films have to do.)

I guess if anything this is freeing to me. Sure, I still feel like crap, my husband had an affair, not with a screen but with a live woman. He touched her, felt her, went inside her; but to know that it has nothing to do with me FINALLY, what freedom I feel. Maybe I can start caring about myself now that I don't have to compare my 3rd shift, exhausted body that birthed 3 children, 1 cesarean section that left me scarred with adipose tissue that won't go away without surgery I cannot afford. Maybe I'll start fixing my hair and makeup more often, go out and buy new clothes, now that I realize it is for ME!!! I've let porn control my life for about 18 years and I'm resolved now to take control.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Only a woman would compare male masturbation to female masturbation. They ain't the same thing no where near that is like a man saying I passed a kidney stone therefor I know what a woman feels likes in labor. How about we make a deal you don't assume you know what it feels like when I am whacking my pud and I won't assume what its like to force a 9lb baby out of a ten centimeter whole.

Most men watch porn for visual aid. Most men detest masturbation but due it for stress relief and to clear their head. We don't havemuch in the way of artificial toys P.P. feel like cheap rubber and our hand feels like well our hand not someone elses hand (despite the stranger) it still feels like our hand or a lump of some rubbery material. Compare that to the plethora of toys marketed for women. You guys have physical aids we have visual aids. 

Either way if you are getting some you tend not to do it. I know I masturbate not in an attempt to releasemyself froma relationship but because I feel my sexual needs are not being met and its better for me to go watch a video then go out on the town or be aggresive torwards my SO because I need to get off. Most women with B.O.B.s say much the same thing. They use it when they aren'tbeing pleased enough to stay faithful or to be more crazy in bed with their significant other.

As for my daughter being in Porn. I love her I would advise her against itand no I would rather she not be in porn because yes it is a drug riddled industry not to mention I imagine going to free porn site x 18 years and seeing her there......ewwwwwwwww.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Niceguy13 said:


> Only a woman would compare male masturbation to female masturbation. They ain't the same thing no where near that is like a man saying I passed a kidney stone therefor I know what a woman feels likes in labor. How about we make a deal you don't assume you know what it feels like when I am whacking my pud and I won't assume what its like to force a 9lb baby out of a ten centimeter whole.


A kidney stone is not giving birth so lets not compare apples to oranges, however we are comparing orgasms to orgasms.

You do not know how alike they are, and I find your POV very offensive. And what are you trying to say, that the male orgasm is so powerful that I couldn't possibly understand your need for porn? Because I really don't understand your point. I love sex and I love to orgasm, and I do it all the time. I would say I have a higher drive then some men. I am not asuming to know what an orgasm is like for your, but your argument seems to be that it's so powerful you can't care about women while doing it? or that you have to watch porn, and I'll never understand. My guess is the men who care about women and who don't watch porn won't get it either.:scratchhead:



> Most men watch porn for visual aid. Most men detest masturbation but due it for stress relief and to clear their head. We don't havemuch in the way of artificial toys P.P. feel like cheap rubber and our hand feels like well our hand not someone elses hand (despite the stranger) it still feels like our hand or a lump of some rubbery material. Compare that to the plethora of toys marketed for women. You guys have physical aids we have visual aids.


I prefer sex to masturbation too. I'm not really again sure of your point?
Toys feel like rubber in my hand too, and let me tell you nothing can replace the feeling of a penis. I don't use toys though I use my hand and my imagination. Toys feel like toys to both men and women.


> Either way if you are getting some you tend not to do it. I know I masturbate not in an attempt to releasemyself froma relationship but because I feel my sexual needs are not being met and its better for me to go watch a video then go out on the town or be aggresive torwards my SO because I need to get off. Most women with B.O.B.s say much the same thing. They use it when they aren'tbeing pleased enough to stay faithful or to be more crazy in bed with their significant other.


my sexual needs are not currently being met right now either, but I will not go out and exploit people nor participate in anything that commodifies women, so i can get my rocks off.

To be more crazy in bed?:scratchhead:



> As for my daughter being in Porn. I love her I would advise her against itand no I would rather she not be in porn because yes it is a drug riddled industry not to mention I imagine going to free porn site x 18 years and seeing her there......ewwwwwwwww.


Exactly. And eeeww to the men who go there and use other peoples daughters for this purpose.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Syrum said:


> A kidney stone is not giving birth so lets not compare apples to oranges, however we are comparing orgasms to orgasms. Amale orgasm is completley different then a females orgasms
> 
> You do not know how alike they are, and I find your POV very offensive. And what are you trying to say, that the male orgasm is so powerful that I couldn't possibly understand your need for porn? My point is you neither have no idea how alike or unlike they are. You are a woman trying to tell me how I work. I find that offensive Because I really don't understand your point. I love sex and I love to orgasm, and I do it all the time. I would say I have a higher drive then some men. I am not asuming to know what an orgasm is like for your, but your argument seems to be that it's so powerful you can't care about women while doing it? or that you have to watch porn, and I'll never understand. My guess is the men who care about women and who don't watch porn won't get it either.:scratchhead:
> obviously you missed the point where I said I do it so the baby batter doesn't clog my brain. Let my SO stand around nude for me and I will gladly obstain from porn. I don't think of her as an object I just know my sex drive and hers don'tmatch not to the point of a sex addict but I am pretty close
> ...


I will say I agree with you on some points. Most porn is shoddily ran is exploitive of the females and the industry needs to be controlled better. More and more porn is becoming exactly what you say it already is and it gets sicker and sicker. The industry does need to be monitored better.Yet who am I or you to say no to someone else saying that want to be payed for having sex? We are no one we are not their parents we are not their SO's if they have one.You can condem porn all you want but to paint everyone who participates in it whether making it or watching it with such a broad brushjust seems wrong. I may not be Christian but from what I have seen Jesus loved the prostitutes they seemed to be some of his favourite people to help and he never once admonished them.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Ok I'm going to post just because the original poster asked when it can be considered "normal" porn use.. and when its considered an addiction.

My story is kind of simular to the OP.. My husband and I, back before we were married, watched porn together, mild stuff. He had magazines and I knew it, and he didn't hide them. Honestly that stuff didn't bother me.

How did I know it had turned into an addiction? I'll tell you...

1. He started to hide it. Most addicts when they are doing something they know they shouldn't, will cover their tracks or be descreet. Mine started deleting the history in our computer. And hid credit card statements and such from me.

2. His desire for you becomes minimal to his addiction. Meaning, you could be laying there naked waiting for him, yet he is sitting on the computer viewing pornography.

3. The "drug" or porn of choice, changes. Like many addicts they progress. Like a drug addict might start out with Pot, then end up taking acid.. then heroin.. and on and on and on. They are looking for something to give them the best and quickest fix. With my husband, it was softcore porn (which i had no problem with) then it became threesome and orgy porn, then it was BDSM. And they may try to get you to do things they see in porn that make you feel uncomfortable. be wary of the "if you love me you would do this for me" line.

4. They don't even realize whats going on around them when they are "into" it. They detatch... with my husband I told him one day, I was going to run to the store quick.. wouldn't be gone longer than 15 minutes. I left him home alone with our 2 year old daughter. He saw the oppritunity to "get his fix".. when I walked in the door I saw him, staring at the computer watching porn.. with our daughter sitting in his lap. He said he didn't even realize she crawled into his lap.

That was the last straw for me.. I did leave him for fear that he would lose control and hurt our children. But, I'm either glutten for punishment or just plain stupid. I took him back, and am now stuck back where i was before after falling for his "i can quit" schtick.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

hapagirl said:


> If you men think you are not progressing in the some level of porn addiction I dare you to stop it cold turkey and see if you are not craving it or tempted to see it again. I know men are wired very different than us females.
> 
> I met some of these poor women who are forced to do this for living and believe me they are not enjoying it.


Way to call every man on the planet out like that...


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