# Passive Aggressive Husband just lays there



## Married2SameOleSame (Apr 25, 2021)

Is there real specialist we can go too? He's perfect, but if he doesn't get things his way, he just lays there. Like a statue. About 2 min. Done. And I can try and scrape an orgasm out of a mushy sausage. Sex every 6 months. Oh he's mad because we did it in our room. He wanted to do it in the dirty dusty autobody shop he has. Its smells like cat piss because the cat been pissing in there. I dated my husband for 11 years. Sex was perfect. The moment he said I do, it's been a trainwreck sex. I've tried sex outside in woods, in car, I'd have sex anywhere. But I'm not doing it in s nasty ass autobody shop that smells like cat piss and the occasional dead rat the cat has mutilated. It's not me. It's him. He's got some weird "mental" gene. Wears the same type clothes & colors everyday.. grey t shirt, light blue Jeans, tube socks, white undies. Maybe a grey sweatshirt in winter. Same exact model of workboots. By golly, ask him to wear tennis shoes or a slightly darker color denim, or a different color tshirt, and he gets agitated. When we dated, he wore a white tshirt, and we went on date nights. Since we been married, it's been weird. I can tell you exactly what he is doing every moment of the day. He's extremely habitual. 
*HELP ME! *
● WHAT TYPE OF SPECIALIST TREATS HIM?
Family Dr referred to Urologists. Urologist said testosterone low, but taking Testosterone will increase his risk of prostate cancer. He's already had every male family member get this. 
Is there a sex therapy Dr? Someone with an actual PhD? 
Is there some other medication that we might ask Dr about? 
****! Seriously... it's been 5 years of being like I'm married to an 80 year old man. We are mid 45's.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Could your husband be on the spectrum by any chance? Has he been tested for this?


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## Helping Hand (Sep 8, 2020)

Married2SameOleSame said:


> Is there real specialist we can go too? He's perfect, but if he doesn't get things his way, he just lays there. Like a statue. About 2 min. Done. And I can try and scrape an orgasm out of a mushy sausage. Sex every 6 months. Oh he's mad because we did it in our room. He wanted to do it in the dirty dusty autobody shop he has. Its smells like cat piss because the cat been pissing in there. I dated my husband for 11 years. Sex was perfect. The moment he said I do, it's been a trainwreck sex. I've tried sex outside in woods, in car, I'd have sex anywhere. But I'm not doing it in s nasty ass autobody shop that smells like cat piss and the occasional dead rat the cat has mutilated. It's not me. It's him. He's got some weird "mental" gene. Wears the same type clothes & colors everyday.. grey t shirt, light blue Jeans, tube socks, white undies. Maybe a grey sweatshirt in winter. Same exact model of workboots. By golly, ask him to wear tennis shoes or a slightly darker color denim, or a different color tshirt, and he gets agitated. When we dated, he wore a white tshirt, and we went on date nights. Since we been married, it's been weird. I can tell you exactly what he is doing every moment of the day. He's extremely habitual.
> *HELP ME! *
> ● WHAT TYPE OF SPECIALIST TREATS HIM?
> Family Dr referred to Urologists. Urologist said testosterone low, but taking Testosterone will increase his risk of prostate cancer. He's already had every male family member get this.
> ...


Does he watch porn nowadays or got addicted watching them ? Apart from sex life, does he care / love you ?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I'm not convinced that it's all him. You've said some things that sound possibly controlling and like you want to change him more than accept the person he is (who you married). 

I could be wrong, but you need to come back and answer the other posters and give a few more details, then people can give you better advice.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

LisaDiane said:


> I could be wrong...


Never happened


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Married2SameOleSame said:


> Is there real specialist we can go too? He's perfect, but if he doesn't get things his way, he just lays there. Like a statue. About 2 min. Done. And I can try and scrape an orgasm out of a mushy sausage. Sex every 6 months. Oh he's mad because we did it in our room. He wanted to do it in the dirty dusty autobody shop he has. Its smells like cat piss because the cat been pissing in there. I dated my husband for 11 years. Sex was perfect. The moment he said I do, it's been a trainwreck sex. I've tried sex outside in woods, in car, I'd have sex anywhere. But I'm not doing it in s nasty ass autobody shop that smells like cat piss and the occasional dead rat the cat has mutilated. It's not me. It's him. He's got some weird "mental" gene. Wears the same type clothes & colors everyday.. grey t shirt, light blue Jeans, tube socks, white undies. Maybe a grey sweatshirt in winter. Same exact model of workboots. By golly, ask him to wear tennis shoes or a slightly darker color denim, or a different color tshirt, and he gets agitated. When we dated, he wore a white tshirt, and we went on date nights. Since we been married, it's been weird. I can tell you exactly what he is doing every moment of the day. He's extremely habitual.
> *HELP ME! *
> ● WHAT TYPE OF SPECIALIST TREATS HIM?
> Family Dr referred to Urologists. Urologist said testosterone low, but taking Testosterone will increase his risk of prostate cancer. He's already had every male family member get this.
> ...


His problem is mental not physical. He needs to go to a psychologist. Since I'm assuming he will not go to one you might indirectly get him to one by insisting you both go to marriage counseling but then make sure your marriage counselor is a certified psychologist.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

OP your situation sounds like many posts here. Sex was fine before marriage and died afterwards.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

There are a lot of disorders related to disruptions in routine. I have a family member who is adverse to disruptions of any kind in their routine whether a schedule change to a change of clothes. Though it seems to me that wouldn't begin after marriage but you'd have seen some aspect of that prior to marriage. (Take that with a grain of salt, I'm not doctor). Sex every six months is far from normal, are you saying he's holding out for sex in the body shop? I couldn't quite tell from your OP. 

He'd benefit from some testing or counseling.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Married2SameOleSame said:


> Urologist said testosterone low, but taking Testosterone will increase his risk of prostate cancer. He's already had every male family member get this.
> ****! Seriously... it's been 5 years of being like I'm married to an 80 year old man. We are mid 45's.


From your post, problems seem more basic, like psychological or autism spectrum than low T. But, if that is the problem, the doctor would monitor his PSA while he is being treated. I had and was treated for prostate cancer, my urologist prescribed TRT and monitors with bloodwork every few months. If his family members all had it, he is at risk of it with or without TRT anyway.

To be honest though, your husband will need to WANT to fix these problems himself. You wanting him to fix them won't accomplish anything.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Sfort said:


> Never happened


Lol!!! Oh, it's happened (often!) -- we just haven't discussed enough topics!


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## admeliora (Apr 13, 2021)

I'd start by eliminating the possiblity of a depression/imbalance/medical issue. If that's been addressed (and you probably already had this conversation) I'd have a serious conversation about you wanting to improve the health and happiness of your marriage. I think as time goes by you have to think outside of the box( oh that's funny right there, get it?) to keep it from stagnating and he needs to figure this out if your marriage is gonna survive. I would say 2-3 times a week is normal-something seriously wrong here....no chance he's got something going on the side?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

He seems to only be doing it when he's not getting his way about something, so that's a bit different than just losing the sex drive.


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