# Is he being disrepectful



## Tainted Halo (Jun 14, 2012)

Okay my H and I are going through a separation, but we live in the same house until he gets the kids and I an apartment (hoping to be this weekend) my question is H still sends/receives texts and calls from his OW while we are in the house. Though he goes outside to smoke or use the restroom while he's texting or waits till the kids and I go to sleep then he calls this woman up. His phone is literally glued to his hand now he won't send it down if he gets up just to walk to the kitchen its in his hand or even to walk from side to the next of the room. I feel H is being a bit rude on this or am I overacting.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

He goes outside to use the restroom? Well there's your first problem  I know what you were saying, but I am not sure given the circumstances if it really is disrespectful. I know you are living in the same house, but you two are seperated right? WHat does being seperated mean to you? Would you feel better knowing he is doing it, but just not around the house? What if he went to the gas station to do it? WHat do you think will be happening when you leave?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How do you know that he is calling her after you go to sleep?


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## Tainted Halo (Jun 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> How do you know that he is calling her after you go to sleep?


Will I know the OW's number so it shows up on our cell phone logs a few after we lay down.


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## Tainted Halo (Jun 14, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> He goes outside to use the restroom? Well there's your first problem  I know what you were saying, but I am not sure given the circumstances if it really is disrespectful. I know you are living in the same house, but you two are seperated right? WHat does being seperated mean to you? Would you feel better knowing he is doing it, but just not around the house? What if he went to the gas station to do it? WHat do you think will be happening when you leave?


Makes me angry to know that he does that while the kids and I are here. After the little ones and I move out, he call as many hoe's as he wants. Guess I'm just really pissed off that my stbxh can't pull his head out of his ass and he is chasing a young woman that clearly is not a fit for him or my kids which this fiasco they have going on is turned into an emotional affair. And I know this because he and I had a discussion about the OW and asked if he had feelings for her and he said yes.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

If I remember correctly, you two had agreed to an open-marriage. It's hard to call his actions 'disrespectful' in that dynamic.

Of course he's being disrespectful, but he doesn't see it that way and is convinced that you don't see it that way either (open marriage = open marriage)

I think you need to pull away from him as much as possible. There's no incentive for him in respecting or pursuing you at this point. 

I'm sorry you're going through this.


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## Tainted Halo (Jun 14, 2012)

synthetic said:


> If I remember correctly, you two had agreed to an open-marriage. It's hard to call his actions 'disrespectful' in that dynamic.
> 
> Of course he's being disrespectful, but he doesn't see it that way and is convinced that you don't see it that way either (open marriage = open marriage)
> 
> ...


Okay we discussed the matter only, never happened


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Tainted Halo said:


> Okay we discussed the matter only, never happened


My mistake then. That's what I understood from your post.

There's almost no way of confronting him without making him defensive and perhaps verbally abusive. If you're up for it, then go ahead and confront him. You already know he's being unfaithful, and have agreed to separate. Until you're separated, there really is no 'rules' around his infidelity. 

I feel the respect was gone the moment you cheated on him the first time. I don't think he really felt much respect for you after that judging by the numerous affairs that he's had and the fact that you stayed with him.

The advice remains the same: Pull away from him for your own sanity and to also not allow him to disrespect you anymore. He should not know anything about your feelings from now on. He should receive no positive feelings from you. No love, no affection, nothing. He doesn't think he needs it. Let yourself find out if he really doesn't by depriving him of all that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Treat him according to the 180. And stop checking the cell phone logs. You are getting a divorce right?


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## Tainted Halo (Jun 14, 2012)

Yes, but I would rather work through this out.. I can forgive but not forget we've been together for 13 years and made through all ups and downs. But stbxh keeps saying is "Lets see what happens in six months" not sure if he wants to know what the relationship with his OW will go then make his decision. @ synthetic yes I should draw away from him. Just last night I got my shoes on grabbed my purse and keys and was about to walk out the door and he says "You're leaving and ain't going to tell me?" then he was like "Were you going?" I told him to the store and he asked "Why?" and I told him and he just nodded irritatedly. 

As soon as the kiddos and I get our own place I'm going to push him away as possible and only contact him when my kids need something. I think if he truly wants to work this out he'll come around if not well he can go get bent.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> I think if he truly wants to work this out he'll come around if not well he can go get bent.


That's the attitude.

He already knows you're more emotionally vested than he is, and he's taking full advantage of that fact.

It's time to become mysterious and distant. He should not have the luxury of seeing you in pain while knowing you still love him. I call it a 'luxury' because it really is one. Everyone enjoys being loved without giving back. It's human nature.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He's cake eating.

Must be nice.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is there anywhere you can go right now to stay until you can move out to your own place?

Or maybe you could just go to a hotel for a few days. Take your kids with you. Just leave him a note that you cannot do this and so you and the kids went on a mini vacation.

He's cake eating. Right now he still has you and her. If he realizes that he is really losing you, you might be able to put an end to the affair.


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## Tainted Halo (Jun 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Is there anywhere you can go right now to stay until you can move out to your own place?
> 
> Or maybe you could just go to a hotel for a few days. Take your kids with you. Just leave him a note that you cannot do this and so you and the kids went on a mini vacation.
> 
> He's cake eating. Right now he still has you and her. If he realizes that he is really losing you, you might be able to put an end to the affair.



I wished I could we have no money staying with stbxh's father so going to the hotel is out of the question. Went today looking for apartments today so hopefully this week I can get one place


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## Tainted Halo (Jun 14, 2012)

that_girl said:


> He's cake eating.
> 
> Must be nice.


Oh I know he is, doesn't see anything wrong with it but in due time counting my days


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Take a lot of deep breaths... slow, deep


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