# Clingy, Caring, Creepy, Confused. Part 1



## getoffme (Feb 18, 2010)

This is my story, although Ive already given numerous advice to others but because my username was a little too obvious and I have a feeling my guy is spying on me I had to change my identity.

My story is way complicated, it has 3 phases, at this point Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde is an understatement. 

Phase 1 
I was 29 yrs old when I met my guy online, right away we became inseparable. At 6 months he moved in with my brother and I to my house. I had finally found the man of my dreams. He's so loving, romantic, and considerate, cooks, cleans, never have to ask him twice for anything. Always at home. He's generous, is totally in love with me.... the problem is he's too in love with me. He became my shadow, followed me everywhere around the house. He got upset when I made plans w/out him which was almost never cause hed make me feel guilty. He pretty much just wants it to be just us, and at the house we were constantly locked up in my room. Literally locked in.
He gets mad if I do favors for people. All of a sudden he develops road rage, comes out with racist remarks even against his own kind. I realize he's not a nice person. When I tell him he's smothering me and the other things he gets very defensive and threats to move out, later he'd apologize and give me certain space until my next outing. My only true escape was when I pretended Id have to go to the bathroom, that’s the only time I had to myself and I slowly took away the showers together. I felt I had lost a bit of my identity. I no longer felt I was that independent woman and couldnt remember the last time I left the house saying Id be right back. He just wanted to be with me all the time. He'd even stay in bed waiting for me to wake up! At that time he'd have my toothbrush with toothpaste on it ready, at first this was all very cute and I figured it would fade with time, but its been 4 years, now I just want to do things myself. Sex was amazing but he wanted it every night, and i was not up for that, yeah sure at the beginning, but if we skipped 2 nights he'd find a way to make me feel guilty or he'd be really moody. The pressure was constantly there which just turned me off, and made matters worse.

And I'd also lost the relationship I had with my live in brother who's my best friend. We'd run around the house with codes to meet in the kitchen in 10 minutes. That wasn’t the life I wanted to live, but this was the man I wanted to be with. On our 1st year anniversary he pops the question. And I wrapped in excitement with the hope he'd change said YES, after the excitement wore off I began to have my doubts. I wanted to see how life was under our roof, since he claimed he did not feel fully comfortable living in my house and that’s why he'd rather stay in the room, he also used the excuse to say he didn't feel comfortable staying at home if I was not home, therefore I could only go out if he had plans, he was 36 years old at that time, there is no reason why I had to find him a babysitter or activities to keep him busy, He did have a life before me, and he put his friends aside, he says its different cause we were under my roof. My brother is afraid he's very controlling, and feared that we'd never see each other after I marry. I began having panic attacks,anxiety attacks, grinding my teeth which led to a root canal and start thinking he might be responsible. We talk and I express my frustration.

Phase 2.....We moved out and I put my house up for rent. Some stress is taken off but we move into a tiny apt temporarily while he begins the search to purchase a home. The apt is soo tiny I never feel I can really get away from him. Now I begin to suffer from UTI's and bladder problems, we constantly argue, again I bring up the smothering, he hardly lets me spend time with my brothers, we dont have any visitors due to the tiny apt Im stressed and tell him to buy a house he can afford on his own in case things dont work out between us. He no longer pressures me with sex and lays off a bit. At this point there is so much tension that we both have doubts, He tries to buy a house far away from my job and friends and I tell him I wont have it. Finally we find a house to both our likings.

Phase 3....Murphys law, we move to now HIS house and he gets laid off! Since its HIS house all of a sudden he has HIS rules. He wants no visitors (more like my brothers and my friends), no loud music, which I hardly blast music. Everything must be super clean, all of a sudden he's Monk. Curtains are to remain closed, I love the sun! So me being an idiot agree to his [email protected]#king rules but figure if I dont like them I'll leave. 
So Im feeling more like a roomate than a partner and its really getting to me. Im so stressed my bladder problems come back, which kills our sex, regardless Im sooo mad, each time I think of it I get worked up. I cant sleep. I decide to break it off but its been 3 MONTHS that he's been unemployed and I have a big heart. His unemployment checks pay the mortgage and I decide I will wait for him to find a job to leave BUT I break down, he pisses me off, finally invites one of my brothers and not the other after 4 months of living in the new home. I tell him everything including that I plan to leave him, he gets upset, he cries, he begs says he'll change, that he wants to change, that he doesnt want to turn into his father, suggests we go to couples therapy but I dont budge. Night falls and we're still talking, thinking we'll continue in the morning, all of sudden he gets up at night cuz he cant sleep, I feel him walking around, in my paranoia I hear a knife being pulled out of the butcher block and so I call him back to the room and tell him we'll work things out and go to counseling. 
He finally comes to bed and I get up to go the bathroom, as I look over to the kitchen I see the knife on the counter. I confront him and now Im terrified. He says he'd never hurt me, he was gonna hurt himself. I dont sleep all night. Nor the next night. I sleep thru my lunches at work to catch up on my zzzzzz, he knows im afraid and tells me not to fear. I really dont fear for myself although maybe I should, but Im really scared for him. Well a month has passed since then bringing us up to the present, we've gone back as if nothing ever happened but alot of changes have been made. He opens the curtains, he says i can have anyone over , whenever , he's not as anal, he's kissing up big time. Yesterday he had a successfull interview and we r keeping our fingers crossed. I will be leaving the country for a month to visit my family with my brothers. Fortunately my guy cant go cuz of the job situation. I still dont want to marry him and I know for sure I dont want to have a baby with him. My biological clock at the age of 33 next month is ticking in my ear, and I can only hit the snooze button for so long. I dont want him to hurt himself and hoping that after my vacation I will be able to try this once again. Leave him. But what if by the time I get back he still doesnt have a job? Then what? Help! I havent told anyone about the knife til now, I dont want anyone making matters worse or worrying about me. Any insight would be helpful!


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

When you go away for a month can you tell your brothers exactly what you've told us here? From what you've said they care for you very much and might be able to help you find a true perspective on what sounds to me like a really obsessive man.


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## kissycupcake (Feb 9, 2010)

So strange, I felt like I was reading about my life when I was reading your post. I know exactly how you feel, I am going through the same kind of thing, except you were smart enough to see the signs early on in the relationship, he sounds just like my husband and my husband is an emotionally abusive person. Don't make the same mistake I did and marry him. I didn't see those warning signs that you saw, I just thought wow he is great, I dated him for almost 8 yrs and have been married to him for 2 1/2 miserable yrs. Same thing he didn't work lived off of me for the 2 yrs we were married and now that I want out he wont leave. I know exactly how you feel I don't sleep or eat, when he comes near me I have anxiety attacks. My best advice to you is to get out while you still can, anybody deserves to be happy alone rather then miserable with somebody. You can't worry about him you have to do what is best for you. I think the knife thing is just a way of guilting you to stay with him, he won't really hurt himself. Best of luck to you, remember do whats best for you!


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## getoffme (Feb 18, 2010)

Thanks for responding, I told one of my friends today about the whole knife incident. I tried not to so that I don't worry anyone and people wont judge me if I carry this out a little longer til I have a more established plan. He didnt get the job, so the hunt is still on. In addition to this he sneaked up on me and saw I was on this website and started questioning me. Whether I was dissapointed that he didnt get the job. Also mentioned couples counceling once again. I dont know if he thinks I'm still gonna leave him when he gets a job, or if I've gotten comfortable and am planning to work things out.


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