# He didn't want any, I did, not he wants it and I don't?



## Mittens (Jan 9, 2010)

Alright, so a little background...
H and I have been together for almost 4 years, married since October, but we lived together for 3 years previously so it wasn't a huge adjustment or anything. Outside the bedroom we have an amazing relationship / marriage - he is my best friend and makes me laugh and smile every day.
I truly am lucky in so many ways to be fortunate enough to have such a great relationship.

Hubby was transferred to a remote oil town in Northern Alberta about 2 years ago and it was very isolating / un-welcoming, etc etc. We got through it, but shortly afterwards he lost his job and became depressed.

While he was depressed he didn't really have a sex drive, and I most definitely did. I did lingerie, nice dinners, sex games, hitting the adult store for vibrating tongue ring, head cream, etc etc etc to no real avail.. or not more than once a month avail..
He had taken up drinking and developed some nasty, hurtful habits while doing so...

So finally I had just given up trying and was sick of getting rejected.

Fast forward about 8-9 months, and H gets laid off. 

Hubby has quit drinking, started working out, worked on anger management, being more positive, and outside the bedroom we have been getting along better than we have in the past 2 years. Honestly, even with him being laid off, we laugh all the time, get enjoyment out of ordinary, every-day things, go out and have an amazing time. I don't remember the last time we had an argument and we have never been the bickering type. We are very much all about just talking things out in a constructive manner. 

Hubby has lately started hinting at wanting to have sex, or making comments about he ______ and he must need sexual release, etc etc... (hinting he wants to have sex)

Only problem is - I have absolutely no urge to sleep with him.
I don't really want to be cuddled all that much, and not really even into kissing at the moment....

I have no idea what happened.

I'm just 'blah'... I normally have a super high sex-drive, so it's really strange. Not to mention I am absolutely and completely in-love with my husband, I just have no urge for physical contact in a sexual way...

I should mention in a lot of ways we are sexually un-compatible(ish).
Meaning - He's fairly straight to the point, plain-jane, vanilla kind of sex, although it is still *absolutely fantastic*when it happens, albeit without much or any lead-up really, and I am more into passion, his assertiveness, give and take, dominance / submissive, etc etc....

To his defense also, I have never really told him other than some comments when we first got together about what I actually like sexually, as he never really paid attention I just stopped saying anything...

I'm just not really sure what is going on with me..

Him and I are pretty in-tune with eachother and especially the past few days / week he keeps asking me what's going on, what's wrong, and I can tell he's starting to get a little frausterated because the only response I have for him is the truthful one of - "I honestly, really don't know".

Is there anyone out there that has had similar situation(s) and could offer advice?


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## Ted (Mar 2, 2009)

I can't say that I went through the same situation other than my wife had depression and that and the meds for it really lowered her libido for a time.

But If there is no underlying emotional roadblock or resentment to make you lose desire, I would suggest seeing a doctor to see if its medical. There are many things that could cause it: your thyroid, hormones, depression, or something else. A Doctor might be able to offer some insight.

Good Luck.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

Maybe you could say something like "I'm really just not feeling it right now. But it might turn me on if we did ABC.", for whatever ABC is that would turn you on. Maybe now he's more ready to listen and pay attention.


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