# Do you worry a lot?



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I've always been a worrier, and by that I mean that I think of the worst case scenarios happening, and then I worry over them. And they usually never happen. I pray when I feel myself getting stressed over things, but this worry, it's not normal.  My friends and fiance try to comfort me about the things I worry over, and it helps, but I marvel at how they don't worry like I do. My fiance just handles things as they come, whereas I'll just worry over things that likely won't happen. My dad is the same way as my fiance. Do men handle worry differently? 

Things are great in my life, in all areas honestly, but I tend to worry about something bad happening. If I had to pinpoint where the worry stems from, it's that. 

How do you handle stress and worry? Do you ever worry and how do you stop worrying? I appreciate any advice you might have.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I don't think it has anything to do with men vs women. My brother was the ultimate worrier of our family. He definitely got it from my mom. 

I worry, but it doesn't consume me especially about things that haven't happened. I worry about getting sick. I'm not sure why but I've always thought that I will someday and it'll be serious (I know, it's dark stuff). I think losing my father and watching my sister go through breast cancer brought this on. 

I worry about the end of my marriage. It's mostly fear driven. On that one, I'm just prepping myself emotionally by worrying. This definitely keeps me up at night at times. 

Other than these 2 items, I don't think I'm too much of a worrier! 

I think that acceptance and trying to live by the day helps me. I found that I would get overwhelmed by thinking too much in the future. If I just take 1 day at a time, I'm much more mellow.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

I worry excessively. 

I'm enjoying Eckhart Tolle ATM - he calms me down when my worries start to turn into anxiety




I distract myself by playing a computer game, cleaning, studying, (anything that is going to redirect my thoughts)
I get out and do something, meet up with other people and talk about THEIR worries. Change the situation. 
If possible I do something about the thing I am worrying about before it gets to a point of anxiety. Sometimes worry prompts us to be pragmatic.
I stay away from situations or conversations that trigger worry. Sometimes we tend to wind ourselves up by placing ourselves in stressful situations or hanging out with negative people. The school playground was full of neurotic mothers triggering each other.
When things get bad my husband medicates me with a night out at the theatre to watch a stand up comedian. There is something about belly laughing that makes me forget my worries.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Have you seen a therapist or doctor about this? Some worry about certain things is normal, but it sounds like you are beyond that. Does it run in your family or do you have depression?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> I don't think it has anything to do with men vs women. My brother was the ultimate worrier of our family. He definitely got it from my mom.
> 
> I worry, but it doesn't consume me especially about things that haven't happened. I worry about getting sick. I'm not sure why but I've always thought that I will someday and it'll be serious (I know, it's dark stuff). I think losing my father and watching my sister go through breast cancer brought this on.
> 
> ...


Not worrying about the future, and just enjoying every day is what I *try* to do lol You touched upon something, my grandmother on my dad's side died last year, and I was very close with her. It took me a while to just want to be social, etc. last year. I wonder if the holidays remind me of her, and even though I love the holidays, I miss her. It's a reminder. And maybe that causes me worry in other parts of my life. Thank you for sharing this with me!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Those that worry have imagination.

Those that worry have depth.

Those that worry have anxiety.

Those that worry have an active memory. The Man on the Wall is their alter-ego.

Those that worry do not repeat the mistakes made in the past. 
.....................................................................................................................................

They are the past that never died. They [try to] guard the future from the past. 

The past that keeps on giving. Keeps on giving the fears that keep on materializing.

Ground Hog Day is Worriers "Labor Day", Ad Infinitum.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I have a type A personality so I tend to overthink things (I view life like a game of chess where each potential move has a series of possible consequences and I tend to think about those). Instead of worrying excessively I think about potential problems and their solutions and make sure that I have everything in place should something unfortunate happen. For example, when I first started my job I was worried about whether it was permanent, so I got integrated in an essential way and made sure to get along with my boss. When I was concerned about what would happen to my kids stability should I have an untimely demise I went out and hired an estate attorney to make sure that everything was in place for my kids to be taken care of. When I was married I was very committed to being a great husband so that I could try to prevent a bad relationship (this failed but not due to things on my end). I understand that not every problem is predictable, but I do my best to live a good life and take reasonable steps to help things go the way I'd prefer. 

What specifically do you worry about and is there some action you can take to conquer your concerns?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Have you seen a therapist or doctor about this? Some worry about certain things is normal, but it sounds like you are beyond that. Does it run in your family or do you have depression?


Yea, that's just it, the things most people worry about, I don't. lol ''Normal things.'' I tend to have ''what if'' thinking a lot, and I think I know where it comes from. My dad and I used to argue a lot, and he is somewhat demanding and intimidating at times. We have mended our differences which is great, but sometimes, situations will trigger me back into my childhood and I'll see shades of him in other people in my life, if that makes sense. My only concern with seeing a therapist is I don't want any medication for this, I want a natural way to stop doing this. I work out, pray and eat healthy - so it's really perhaps retraining the way I think about things. Not letting the future overwhelm my present.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

peacem said:


> I worry excessively.
> 
> I'm enjoying Eckhart Tolle ATM - he calms me down when my worries start to turn into anxiety
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss-mAjeWvUU
> ...


I'm sorry you worry, too, but glad I'm not alone lol 

Appreciate the video! I pray and meditate, and also work out a lot, and all those things help. I don't worry 24/7, but ''what'' I worry over is what bothers me. I tend to worry over losing my fiance, or my job, or friends, or my parents. It's not something I think about in that way though, it's more that something else will trigger those worries to come on, if that makes sense.

I agree, laughter does work, and worrying over dumb things can be funny, if we really think about it. lol ((thank you))


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Bananapeel said:


> I have a type A personality so I tend to overthink things (I view life like a game of chess where each potential move has a series of possible consequences and I tend to think about those). Instead of worrying excessively I think about potential problems and their solutions and make sure that I have everything in place should something unfortunate happen. For example, when I first started my job I was worried about whether it was permanent, so I got integrated in an essential way and made sure to get along with my boss. When I was concerned about what would happen to my kids stability should I have an untimely demise I went out and hired an estate attorney to make sure that everything was in place for my kids to be taken care of. When I was married I was very committed to being a great husband so that I could try to prevent a bad relationship (this failed but not due to things on my end). I understand that not every problem is predictable, but I do my best to live a good life and take reasonable steps to help things go the way I'd prefer.
> 
> What specifically do you worry about and is there some action you can take to conquer your concerns?


I like these ideas! So actually thinking of a potential ''problem'' and then coming up with a solution so you don't worry about the problem because you're taking care of the problem before it might happen. I honestly don't do that lol But, I'm going to try that.  TY!!


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

*Deidre* said:


> I'm sorry you worry, too, but glad I'm not alone lol
> 
> Appreciate the video! I pray and meditate, and also work out a lot, and all those things help. I don't worry 24/7, but ''what'' I worry over is what bothers me. I tend to worry over losing my fiance, or my job, or friends, or my parents. It's not something I think about in that way though, it's more that something else will trigger those worries to come on, if that makes sense.
> 
> I agree, laughter does work, and worrying over dumb things can be funny, if we really think about it. lol ((thank you))


I worry about my husband dying (which makes him laugh because he assures me he definitely will do just that one day), I worry about my children A LOT even though they are doing fine, I worry about upsetting or hurting people and ruminate over conversations I have had (did I say the wrong thing?). 

There is very little worth worrying about when you think about it. But sometimes worry can be a good thing - we look after our health, put money aside for the future, it makes us appreciate the time we have with our nearest and dearest, we make new friends, learn new skills, plan for the worst case scenario....


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

*Deidre* said:


> Yea, that's just it, the things most people worry about, I don't. lol ''Normal things.'' I tend to have ''what if'' thinking a lot, and I think I know where it comes from. My dad and I used to argue a lot, and he is somewhat demanding and intimidating at times. We have mended our differences which is great, but sometimes, situations will trigger me back into my childhood and I'll see shades of him in other people in my life, if that makes sense. My only concern with seeing a therapist is I don't want any medication for this, I want a natural way to stop doing this. I work out, pray and eat healthy - so it's really perhaps retraining the way I think about things. Not letting the future overwhelm my present.


Or not letting the past cloud your present. Our childhoods have an enormous influence on our lives. You mentioned being triggered back to your childhood so maybe there is some anxiety coming from that. Just a thought.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Or not letting the past cloud your present. Our childhoods have an enormous influence on our lives. You mentioned being triggered back to your childhood so maybe there is some anxiety coming from that. Just a thought.


It is definitely from my childhood, the triggers. Going back to when my dad was very strict and said hurtful things. We have a really good relationship now, which we mended all of that last year. I've forgiven him, but the worry that those times in childhood caused, lingers. I'm not meaning to complain, it helps to get objective opinions about this.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Have you ever tried meditating? It is such a great way to deeply relax. Check out youtube, 1000's of different guided meditations for all sorts of issues. 10 minutes a night before bed can really make a huge difference on your outlook.

I am not really a worrier, my issue is negativity and find great peace when I meditate regularly.


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

I tend to worry too. I think I've gotten a little better with it, but sometimes it sneaks up on me. I definitely worry more than my husband does. Good to know I'm not alone 

This is a pretty good article I found online.

How to Stop Worrying: 9 Simple Habits


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> Have you ever tried meditating? It is such a great way to deeply relax. Check out youtube, 1000's of different guided meditations for all sorts of issues. 10 minutes a night before bed can really make a huge difference on your outlook.
> 
> I am not really a worrier, my issue is negativity and find great peace when I meditate regularly.


 Yes! I meditate a lot, actually...combined with prayer. It helps so much, and for the rest of the afternoon/evening or whenever, I'm fine. Until the next day. lol My fiance talked with me about this last night and said that he wants to help me come up with solutions for my worry. He thinks that much of my worry is the same worry, just processed differently every other day. He said that I'll get past my worries if I have solutions for them, should those worries happen. He's a police officer, and he probably has reason to worry, but I guess it doesn't really get us anywhere. Thank you for your thoughts!



MSalmoides said:


> @*Deidre* I came from a family of worriers and my mother was a boss at it. I was a huge worrier early in life but my career experience taught me two things that I now take to heart:
> 
> - Over 95% of what we worry about never comes to pass and was a waste of mental energy
> - When things that worry us do happen, if we exercise a little patience they usually work themselves out; again wasted energy
> ...


I love the second one especially, the first I've heard a bunch lol So exercise some patience, and things will work out. And it's wasted time worrying about it.

Your mom was a boss 'worrier.'


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> Have you ever tried meditating? It is such a great way to deeply relax. Check out youtube, 1000's of different guided meditations for all sorts of issues. 10 minutes a night before bed can really make a huge difference on your outlook.
> 
> I am not really a worrier, my issue is negativity and find great peace when I meditate regularly.


I've been wanting to try meditation. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I come from a family of worriers. My dad and grandmother (his mother) are/were (my grandmother has passed) great worriers, to the point that my mother mocked both of them relentlessly behind their backs (my mother's a winning personality, to be sure). As they've aged, my parents seem to have switched roles. My mother is much more of a worrier now, and my father seems much more laid back.

The way they worry and what they worry about is very different. My father worries for the safety and security of his loved ones, the same way my grandmother did; my mother worries about money and making sure that Christmas and other holidays are perfect. I think this shows what they really care about in life.

I tend to take after my father in this way, and try to temper any worries that are similar to that of my mother, because most of what she worries about doesn't really matter, anyway. When I take after my dad, I remind myself that my loved ones are competent adults who can take care of themselves, and if they need help, they will let me know. 

The worst worries are over things I can't control. I worry about my work the most, because my boss can be unpredictable in his behavior and reactions to things, etc, which causes me a lot of stress. When these worries begin to get to me, I do my best to distract myself. Sex helps a lot, lol! But music, reading, a good movie, getting lost in a project... these things help.

My other "bad" worry--because of being in emotionally abusive relationships with my XH and my mom (she's a winner!)--is I worry about every little interaction in the beginning of a relationship. As in, "Why hasn't he texted me all day? Has he decided he doesn't like me anymore?" and things of that ilk. Wondering if his bad mood is because of me, if he's quiet it's because he's trying to figure out how to end things, etc, etc. All of this results in my emotions careening wildly, which is what I've grown used to, due to my previous relationships. (So it takes me a LONG time to get comfortable and feel secure in, well, pretty much any relationship.) And I question EVERY [emotional] reaction that I have now, because I have a really hard time distinguishing legitimate emotional reactions from Pavlovian responses conditioned by my previous relationships--so now I wait before expressing any reaction at all, usually a few days, so I can distinguish between the two, and act on my REAL reaction, rather than a conditioned reaction. (Again, takes me a long time to get comfortable enough to express this stuff, and it takes a very patient person on the other end.)


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MSalmoides said:


> Yes, she was!
> 
> And yes, exercising patience is a powerful, powerful skill. We are taught that we must "take action" to fix a problem, but many times taking no action and letting the situation work itself out is the best approach. Think "The 180" I've read about here. But for worriers, it's hard to distinguish when patience is in order. That, too, is a skill.
> 
> ~MS


Many of the things we worry about tend to sort themselves out on their own


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MSalmoides said:


> Nicely done!
> 
> ~MS


Thanks. I try, but it's not always easy!

Luckily, Real Estate (my beau) is very patient with me... because he realizes that I must be a very patient woman to deal with all of his baggage! :smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Bananapeel said:


> I have a type A personality so I tend to overthink things (I view life like a game of chess where each potential move has a series of possible consequences and I tend to think about those). Instead of worrying excessively I think about potential problems and their solutions and make sure that I have everything in place should something unfortunate happen. For example, when I first started my job I was worried about whether it was permanent, so I got integrated in an essential way and made sure to get along with my boss. When I was concerned about what would happen to my kids stability should I have an untimely demise I went out and hired an estate attorney to make sure that everything was in place for my kids to be taken care of. When I was married I was very committed to being a great husband so that I could try to prevent a bad relationship (this failed but not due to things on my end). I understand that not every problem is predictable, but I do my best to live a good life and take reasonable steps to help things go the way I'd prefer.
> 
> What specifically do you worry about and is there some action you can take to conquer your concerns?


I very much relate to this post... this is how I THINK.. I wonder if it's a temperament thing.. I know I am a strong J for judging, explained here :



> J = *Judging Characteristics*
> 
> Plan many of the details in advance before moving into action.
> 
> ...


 I take my worry and ask myself.. WHAT CAN I DO TO prepare for this -in case the worst happens ? Is there anything I can do NOW to prevent this fear from coming upon me (or our family)?

Yes... this has "Over thinking" tendencies with it... but I've never felt this was all bad... this allows us to think ahead for every possible *pitfall* that could come our way.. if there is any action to take to lesson those risks.. this alleviates my mind .. feeling I am doing all I can in any given situation.. 

I also calm myself with statistics.. generally what we worry about.. the probable statistical chance of it actually happening is very small.... 

I have found praying about something can help too, whether there is a God, if he hears me.. I'd like to believe so...







...I recognize my humanness...watching the news, we are reminded daily - life can be taken in the next breath, a car accident could wipe out an entire family....it's a sobering thought.... None of us are immune.. 

Worry is primarily based on fear and uncertainty. It's the anxiety caused when we think we might lose something important to us, like our job, a relationship...We're afraid feeling we are losing the ability to control a situation, anxious about the future, afraid of losing a dream..

After we have done all we can to lesson our risks.. then it becomes counter productive to drown ourselves in worry, it's just wasted energy at that point.. would be nice to be able to shut our brains off!!

This past year.. we were very worried my husband would be laid off (one by one his co-workers were)... we took 2 actions to do all we could.. I took a job with health benefits to cover our family (in case he was)... while he needed to get a CDL license so he wouldn't be the next guy on the chopping block, we didn't care how much it would cost...time was of the essence! (He was feeling the pressure!).... thankfully our kids Bus driver talked to the owner , they took my husband under their wing...he didn't need the added School bus endorsement .. but that's Ok... he passed the test a couple months later...a sigh of relief... He still might get laid off tomorrow.. but for now.. we did what we could...


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> I've always been a worrier, and by that I mean that I think of the worst case scenarios happening, and then I worry over them. And they usually never happen. I pray when I feel myself getting stressed over things, but this worry, it's not normal.  My friends and fiance try to comfort me about the things I worry over, and it helps, but I marvel at how they don't worry like I do. My fiance just handles things as they come, whereas I'll just worry over things that likely won't happen. My dad is the same way as my fiance. Do men handle worry differently?
> 
> Things are great in my life, in all areas honestly, but I tend to worry about something bad happening. If I had to pinpoint where the worry stems from, it's that.
> 
> How do you handle stress and worry? Do you ever worry and how do you stop worrying? I appreciate any advice you might have.


Here is what helps me. Accepting that yes something bad will happen, yes it's going to happen that is life. Try to make your self strong enough that you know you can survive something bad happening. That will give you confidence and less fear. You're young and just starting out so a lot of this comes with experience. A great example of this has been for me is that I never fear cheating, I went through it once and survived so I know I will again. Also you need to have a core inner strength and contentment that doesn't come form circumstances, people and things. All of those things can and will change, so don't hold on to those things like they won't, appreciate them for what they are in the moment. Again I think some of all this comes from experience and age.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I'm INTJ, but very borderline on the I vs E.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

*Deidre* said:


> My fiance just handles things as they come, whereas I'll just worry over things that likely won't happen. My dad is the same way as my fiance. Do men handle worry differently?


I've found that to be the case overall in my life experience... (DISCLAIMER: I AM SPEAKING IN GENERALITIES. YES I KNOW THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS.)

Men tend to think more logically about a situation which puts us at ease. Women tend to think more emotionally so "feelings of worry" tend to impact them more.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

@SimplyAmorous - that is excellent advice!! What tends to happen is I get locked into fear thinking, which my fiance told me is largely what worry is about. Fearing something. So, if I can do as you and others here suggest, try to think the fear through...is the fear warranted? What can I do to offset whatever it is I fear from happening? Fear can paralyze you. It's funny, I can give others advice when THEY'RE worrying.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

BetrayedDad said:


> I've found that to be the case overall in my life experience... (DISCLAIMER: I AM SPEAKING IN GENERALITIES. YES I KNOW THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS.)
> 
> Men tend to think more logically about a situation which puts us at ease. Women tend to think more emotionally so "feelings of worry" tend to impact them more.


Yea, I can see that, and sure, there are exceptions. I can think logically, but also if I'm honest, with my emotions. My fiance thinks logically all the time, and shows his emotions in different ways. But maybe men do worry, but don't share it as openly as women?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@SimplyAmorous I'm an INFJ. I do find that planning and preparing for things that I worry about does help me to worry less, or eases the worry and makes me calm.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

*Deidre* said:


> But maybe men do worry, but don't share it as openly as women?


That's a fair statement. I mean EVERYONE worries to some degree but it affects certain people more than others.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MSalmoides said:


> I'm a recovering ENTJ. I get it!





Bananapeel said:


> I'm INTJ, but very borderline on the I vs E.


My husband is also a J..(he's an ISFJ)... he's always been a very "safety conscious" man.. takes every measure to avert any dangerous situations for any of us.. gotta have the best winter tires for driving, any hint of bad brakes.. he's on it...

Once we had a DEP guy over to see if our land would qualify for a "Reclamation"... we have 50 ft highwalls on our property..... here we were on top of one of these highwalls...and we come across this FIRE PIT , really nice.. here it was our kids who built this ...very close to the edge.. where someone could fall 50ft to their death.. The Geologist assessing our property took a picture of this & told us finding that just raised our chances because this posed a danger to children... 

When he left... we immediately jumped in our truck, drove to Lowes & bought 200 ft of fencing/ posts ...came home & started putting it up.... I wouldn't have been able to sleep knowing a kid might fall off the cliff trying to get up there... ([email protected]#).... especially seeing HOW they got up there, a couple feet away from the cliff while climbing, a little dirt gives away.. a misstep - YIKES! .

Kids, of course will shrug this off, they are invincible...we worry too much & all that.. they were upset we took away their natural view...but yeah... it had to done.. that became our mission for the next week, then I didn't really think about it anymore.. they could climb up there all they want - next worry.. what if they set the woods on fire [email protected]# We actually hauled a # of gallon waters up there -just in case ... 

Not long after.. a bunch of them were having a party up there in the dark... so yeah.. It was good we put it up!


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

So maybe worry is very natural, like a natural response to something about to happen, or to get you to prepare. Maybe without that sense of stress/fear/worry, we might not be so quick to get something done. Or we might just push off important things. But to just worry for the sake of it (like I do sometimes) is what is a time waster, and doesn't add anything to your life. Except sleepless nights lol 

My fiance said something pretty insightful the other night when I was talking about a typical worry, that he has heard over and over lol he said ''maybe you think you are doing something by worrying, but you're not.'' Meaning, maybe worrying over a situation will cause us to sometimes feel like we care about something or someone, but worry with no action, is just wasted energy. 

You've all been really helpful, thank you.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I am not much of a worrier, and likewise stress doesn't really take hold of me. I don't think this is male/female, in my case just my personality. I have a rather positive outlook so that helps keep any sort of worrying to a minimum. As well, I view stresses as just another challenge, and tend to just focus on the things that I have control over. My W is the opposite, which is one area I think she gravitates towards me with since I can usually help talk down some of her worrying/stress (my junk in the trunk doesn't hurt either  )


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Fear can drive us as much as it can halt us. Perhaps the sweet spot is being able to acknowledge the fear, examine it, without being fearful of it. Or something like that.

My mother is a worrier and has anxiety. I can share good news with her and it quickly turns into something to be worried about. The anxiety is veiled with care - that she has experienced such things and wants me to be aware of them too as a precaution. She can spiral from the simplest of scenarios. Sharing that my friend asked me to do her bridal flowers for her (I'm a hobbyist), took all of 10 minutes before she was warning me about getting sued because the flowers wouldn't be what they wanted and that I ought to decline. It took therapy for me to realize how she turns what are typically pleasant things to the negative. And then how to deal with that; telling her straight how I felt and/or accepting she can't be that person for me. Strangely, she can also be my biggest supporter too. As for the bridal flowers, despite self-doubt and nerves about my skill level and wanting it to be good for my friend (not the reasons my mother raised), the flowers turned out beautifully and most importantly, friend was thrilled. And conversely to my mother's imagination, I had wedding guests asking for my business card wanting to book me, thinking I was a professional florist. 

Growing up with my mother, navigating through her anxiety, had an effect though. At times when I feel 'worry' I purposely push myself beyond it. Other times though, my thought patterns can go a negative path. My husband is quick to catch that - particularly when I don't realize I'm doing it. He has inner fear that drives him to an extent but seems to have a healthy respect for what it is. Otherwise, he's very much in the present, dealing with things as they are. 

I felt worry when he was talking of becoming a volunteer firefighter. It was a path he was taking so I figured I needed to get okay with it. And he helped me with that by including me as much as possible, sharing the support and training and approach. I trust him and the crew know what they're doing and look out for each other. I can't worry when he's on call-outs; it's pointless and not helpful to him or to me. When he arrived home late not so long ago, covered in smoke, I greeted him with a herbal tea and shared a shower to wash him off. That's how I can be supportive. He needed his turnout gear laundered and I felt slight concern/worry about messing it up and was inspecting it afterwards with an eagle eye. Taking a deep breath, realizing and dealing with what's immediately in front of me, is helpful.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> I am not much of a worrier, and likewise stress doesn't really take hold of me. I don't think this is male/female, in my case just my personality. I have a rather positive outlook so that helps keep any sort of worrying to a minimum. As well, I view stresses as just another challenge, and tend to just focus on the things that I have control over. My W is the opposite, which is one area I think she gravitates towards me with since I can usually help talk down some of her worrying/stress (my junk in the trunk doesn't hurt either  )


lol

Opposite attract, as they say.  My fiance is so good at getting me to think logically instead of with only my feelings. I just don't want to wear out his patience.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> lol
> 
> Opposite attract, as they say.  My fiance is so good at getting me to think logically instead of with only my feelings. I just don't want to wear out his patience.


I think it's good to have a balance of the two. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Reading and posting on this blog TAM is addictive.

Reading the sad stories [here] makes all of us cynical, suspicious, maybe paranoid.

Boo!

The imagination is a terrifying thing. Eh?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> lol
> 
> Opposite attract, as they say.  My fiance is so good at getting me to think logically instead of *with only my feelings*. I just don't want to wear out his patience.


You are a lady.

That is the way they build them.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> I've always been a worrier, and by that I mean that I think of the worst case scenarios happening, and then I worry over them. And they usually never happen. I pray when I feel myself getting stressed over things, but this worry, it's not normal.  My friends and fiance try to comfort me about the things I worry over, and it helps, but I marvel at how they don't worry like I do. My fiance just handles things as they come, whereas I'll just worry over things that likely won't happen. My dad is the same way as my fiance. Do men handle worry differently?
> 
> Things are great in my life, in all areas honestly, but I tend to worry about something bad happening. If I had to pinpoint where the worry stems from, it's that.
> 
> How do you handle stress and worry? Do you ever worry and how do you stop worrying? I appreciate any advice you might have.


*This is not scientifically founded, but I do feel that it does seem rather inherent that women, as a general rule, do have the propensity to over-worry, moreso than their male counterparts!

I don't quite know if it is something that is just gender specific or even of a hereditary nature, but both of my X's, and most of my female relatives, as well as my friends, always seemed to thrive on worrying about things that bothered them; while the males in their lives were always, almost to a fault, just rather laid back and calm about those negative things that were going on within their own personal domain! *


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

It is better to "worry" then "war-ye", Eh?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Well, I'm happy to share that the thing I've been worrying about, I dealt with it today, and ...I'm no longer worried about it. lol It is something having to do with work, I kept feeling down about it yesterday, worrying over it. Today, I made some small goals and achieved them and the worry is gone. 

I can do this! :smile2:

Now...what else can I find to worry about? Hmm....:scratchhead:

Just kidding!!


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> Reading and posting on this blog TAM is addictive.
> 
> Reading the sad stories [here] makes all of us cynical, suspicious, maybe paranoid.
> 
> ...


You know, I actually think being on TAM has had the opposite effect on me. But I was (and still am) pretty far down the cynical / suspicious / maybe paranoid road before I came here lol.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *This is not scientifically founded, but I do feel that it does seem rather inherent that women, as a general rule, do have the propensity to over-worry, moreso than their male counterparts!
> 
> I don't quite know if it is something that is just gender specific or even of a hereditary nature, but both of my X's, and most of my female relatives, as well as my friends, always seemed to thrive on worrying about things that bothered them; while the males in their lives were always, almost to a fault, just rather laid back and calm about those negative things that were going on within their own personal domain! *


lol ''thrive'' on worrying 

I'd say that despite my worry, people think I'm pretty easy going lol But, it's because I internalize my worries...which I'm working on changing. And today was a good first step. 

I like your posts, TY for commenting


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

*Deidre* said:


> Well, I'm happy to share that the thing I've been worrying about, I dealt with it today, and ...I'm no longer worried about it. lol It is something having to do with work, I kept feeling down about it yesterday, worrying over it. Today, I made some small goals and achieved them and the worry is gone.


This is positive! Well done!

After I left a toxic work environment, one of my colleagues (a young guy) was on the receiving end of some of that work crap. Whereas I asserted myself - he won't; too shy and lacking confidence. It knocked him for six. He told me he hadn't gotten out of bed all weekend as a result of worrying about it. I instructed him to stop looping Radiohead, get dressed, get out and grab a coffee. I suggested he speak with a doctor / professional if he hadn't bounced back by the following week. He sent me a text that week saying he'd been to the gym and was starting to feel better. 

Movement is great... whether that's mentally, emotionally or physically... keeps us going forward. And sometimes reaching out to others for support can inspire that movement. Good job, Diedre.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

heartsbeating said:


> This is positive! Well done!
> 
> After I left a toxic work environment, one of my colleagues (a young guy) was on the receiving end of some of that work crap. Whereas I asserted myself - he won't; too shy and lacking confidence. It knocked him for six. He told me he hadn't gotten out of bed all weekend as a result of worrying about it. I instructed him to stop looping Radiohead, get dressed, get out and grab a coffee. I suggested he speak with a doctor / professional if he hadn't bounced back by the following week. He sent me a text that week saying he'd been to the gym and was starting to feel better.
> 
> Movement is great... whether that's mentally, emotionally or physically... keeps us going forward. And sometimes reaching out to others for support can inspire that movement. Good job, Diedre.


Thank you so much! I'm very relieved lol and also happy that I didn't let worry overcome me the past few days, and this thread helped! It is kind of crazy when we think about it, that we sometimes create our own problems, when in reality, things end up working out. My fiance points out that ''if'' things don't work out as you might want them to, you'll deal with it, and figure something else out. So I'm starting to think more like that.

I'm glad your colleague is feeling better! Yes, it's funny, I take care of myself by eating right/working out, but really getting a handle on worrying is just as important.


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