# Not sure what to do at this point.



## Lady003 (Sep 3, 2008)

So i guess i'll begin with our story. (sorry in advance for a long post)

So I met my husband in the summer of ’04, but I had started dating someone else. So in upset he stopped talking to me for about 6 mnths. My current relationship at that time was horrible. He cheated, lied and left me homeless. My lease was up I had nowhere to go, my job didn’t pay enough for me to live on my own so I thought the best thing to do was move back home with my dad, which was across country. My dad promised he’d send me money but it would take some time. Out of the blue my husband calls and wants to catch up on how things had been. I asked to move in with him until I would figure things out and he said it was fine. By the end of ’04 my relationship with that guy had completely ended dramatically. My husband was there for me, gave me advice and everything. He really became my best friend. By Jan ’05 we started dating and it was so beautiful. Life was splendid, everything was so perfect. My husband was doing well in racing and i was on top of my game in modeling. So, we planned to get married in Nov of that year, but in Aug we found out I was pregnant. So we eloped that same month for insurance to cover the pregnancy. We thought no big deal since we already planned to be wed anyways. The first few months of the pregnancy out Dr told us not to have sex because of complications I was going through. So basically the whole pregnancy we stopped any sexual acts. Which fyi, before the pregnancy our sex life was superb. Now it was haulted. After our daughter was born, life continued and we were loving the family life. But I was unemployed with a wandering mind. I had nothing to do except sit at home and hate life. I became depressed and needed out. My husband helped me through everything and eventually life was great again. We got a new home, and started a new life. I started working for my previous boss. It was a lot of ups and downs, but we stuck through them. We focused a lot on the family, but I think it started lacking with each other. He focused a lot on his car and I was always taking care of our daughter while he was in the garage tending to his performance mods on his car. It’s his passion, he raced professionally and I understood, but didn’t agree. We fought a lot and I told him numerous times to get rid of his car and focus on the family. He didn’t listen and things just escalated. We were no longer intimate, no longer speaking like we used to. Then summer ’07 he gets into a terrible wreck in his beloved car. (wasn’t his fault someone ran a light to make a left and cut in front of him). For a couple months after that it was as if we were newly weds again. We didn’t want to miss anything with each other. That ended and it was back to arguing and then it felt like I was alone although he was there. Sex was once or twice a month, we barely spoke about anything. Then at work I became friends with some great people. I started going out and enjoying myself. After a couple months a guy I worked with was into me and I missed that feeling of being wanted. I succumbed to temptation and ended up cheating on my husband. Not worth is whatsoever, by the way. But It made me realize how much I love my husband. The next couple months were ok, but nothing much changed. The way things are now is not what I wanted things to be. I wanted to divorce many times and told my husband, but we always talked it out and resolved issues, but then it just kept getting worse and now it’s like living with a good friend and raising a child together. I am tempted again with a friend of my husband’s who recently divorced. And I needed to talk and share my story and get some help. I don’t know if I should tell my husband and try to resolve things or what. I don’t want to end up cheating again. Is this something married people go through or am I just special, lol. Now my husband loves me more than anything and would NEVER think of another woman. He’s 8yrs older than me. But I’m more of the guy type girl. I have a guys mentality so to speak. My husband is laid back and very relaxed and I’m more aggressive and outgoing. I feel like if we seperated maybe we would realize whether or not this was meant to be. Evryone we know keeps telling us we're prefect for each other, but idk if i agree. I want something different and i don't know what to do at this point, I need some help!


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## hope01 (Sep 8, 2008)

Sounds like you first need to be truthful to yourself on what you want...the married life or the single life.... you cannot have both.
You need to know who you truly are, and where you are truly the happiest. Becasue at the end...it is you who will be in that place and YOU will be the only one there when things don't work out.

Bottom line is that you need to really think things through and make the right decision based on yourself, who you are and what you want in life.... we cannot find happiness if we do not follow what is right in our hearts.... Good Luck!


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## Lady003 (Sep 3, 2008)

i'm not sure what i want really tbh. I remember how life was like when i was single and i wasnt happy. My personality and attitude has changed since i've been married though and it seems that i am more confident. I like the stability of marriage, but i think it may be the commitment part that scares me. Before i got married the longest relationship i had was only a couple months and here i've been married 3 years. I think i may be fearful of commitment in some fashion. idk. I love my husband, but idk if i'm completely "in love" with him as i once used to be. 

I think i do need some time to figure things out, it's just hard to find that when i'm always with my husband taking care of our daughter or working. I thought of getting away and staying with friends for awhile until i could clear my head and realize what i'm wanting, but i don't want to leave my daughter. I think that's the biggest part that keeps me home.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Jesus said, "I would rather you were hot or cold, but not lukewarm"!


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## Lady003 (Sep 3, 2008)

well my husband and i talked it out tonight, let the grandparents babysit and just took time to communicate. It was needed and i think it helped to a degree. We both agree that the passion in our relationship is lacking. Although this isn't a new conversation, it has come up before. So i wouldnt be too surprised if nothing gets fixed, but i figure this is the last time i want to have that conversation. it gets old and repeated. Same things over and over. I'm willing to see if this time things are different and i'm hoping that they get better.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

You don't really sound like you have made up your mind one way or the other to me. You either take the bull by the horns, or...

But you seem to be waiting for "manor from heaven".


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