# Wife had online affair- She wants me to have one too.



## Joseph5 (Jul 13, 2013)

I would like to get some advice. I have posted a few topics about what has been going on in my marriage already. My wife had an online affair using skype, and says that it never was physical. She did stop the affair a couple of weeks ago and hasn't been online with him since. I know this because I have been getting an update from her computer daily. 

She says that she is sorry she hurt me but doesn't think what she did was wrong since it wasn't physical. She has even told me that I should have a online fling. She says that way I would have the experience also and that it would actually benefit us. That I don't understand what the experience is like because I haven't done it. That it's just a online fantasy world. 

I wouldn't even know where to go online or how to start one to begin with. I would like to get some advice on what you think about this and what you would do? Thank you.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I think she wants you to do it so her guilt is alleviated.It would be a mistake to do this and I think you know that.It isn't just an online fantasy world no matter what she says.If it was "just" an online fantasy world it wouldn't have been kept from you and you wouldn't have to monitor her now.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you listen to or tried any of the advice from your other threads?

You wife had an affair, an affair in which she sexually excited another man, and in which she was sexually aroused and finished.

It doesn't matter that their body parts didn't rub together, what entirely matters is that she engaged in sexual activity with another person.

The act releases PEA chemicals in the brain which is what gives you the feeling of love for the other person. 

So it doesn't matter that they didn't rub body parts together, she chose to betray you.

She also threatened to leave you, if you stood up to the OM or exposed him for the scumbag he is. That was yet another betrayal of you.


You having your own cheating partner, and cheating isn't going to fix your marriage, or deal with the fact that in your wife's internal value system and priorities, betraying her vows and engaging sexually with another man was A-OK.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sounds like rugsweeping to me, she's not even sorry she cheated! Wow!! Look back to your other threads please reread them. You have all this help and great advice! why oh why are you still allowing her to treat you like this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Oh boy are you in trouble.

I might suggest MC but looking at your other threads suggests you have already been given valid advice, go back and read it all again.

Sorry you are in this world it sucks but you are the only one who can change it!!!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Joseph5 said:


> I would like to get some advice. I have posted a few topics about what has been going on in my marriage already. My wife had an online affair using skype, and says that it never was physical. She did stop the affair a couple of weeks ago and hasn't been online with him since. I know this because I have been getting an update from her computer daily.
> 
> She says that she is sorry she hurt me but doesn't think what she did was wrong since it wasn't physical. She has even told me that I should have a online fling. She says that way I would have the experience also and that it would actually benefit us. That I don't understand what the experience is like because I haven't done it. That it's just a online fantasy world.
> 
> I wouldn't even know where to go online or how to start one to begin with. I would like to get some advice on what you think about this and what you would do? Thank you.



Your wife had an EA (emotional affair) and cheated on you.

Now to justify her cheating, she wants you to do the same and so she can say you did it too.

If there was something emotionally lacking in your marriage, she should of communicated this with you, talks and marriage counseling.

Don't even start down the path of EA.....then PA.......then 3 some......sure, it will benefit your marriage because at that point you don't have a real marriage anymore.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

If you buy into her insane logic, you are not being very smart.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

why didn't she just skype with you? Did you ask her that?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Joe... can I call you Joe? Look, Joe, it's not worth it. She says she wants you to do it because then you'd know how she was feeling...but so will she. She will know how you feel, knowing what she did. I'm speaking from experience. She's saying this now, because she doesn't want to acknowledge that what she did was WRONG. She doesn't want to acknowledge that what she was doing is CHEATING. I thought I wouldn't care if my husband was speaking to another woman the way I was speaking with a guy "friend". Yes, I said "friend" because in reality, he was the OM. There was never any physical contact, but it was cheating, just the same. And then... I learned about my husband's OW. Same situation, only online for both of us. It doesn't change that we hurt each other, deeply. Yes, we're in a better place now... but that hurt is still a part of the marriage. While I understand WHY he did what he did, it doesn't change the fact that it was just as wrong for him as it was for me. He and I agree on that. It's something that will ALWAYS be there, no matter what we do. It's not worth it. Don't do it.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Hicks said:


> If you buy into her insane logic, you are not being very smart.


It's called "fog". It all makes sense to her.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Uh she showed her naughty bits to another dude right?
When screen caps of your wife naked show up how are you going to feel?
When screen caps of you show up this will make it better?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I think she wants you to do it so her guilt is alleviated.It would be a mistake to do this and I think you know that.It isn't just an online fantasy world no matter what she says.If it was "just" an online fantasy world it wouldn't have been kept from you and you wouldn't have to monitor her now.


This is it, right here.:iagree:


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Joseph5 said:


> I would like to get some advice. I have posted a few topics about what has been going on in my marriage already. My wife had an online affair using skype, and says that it never was physical. She did stop the affair a couple of weeks ago and hasn't been online with him since. I know this because I have been getting an update from her computer daily.
> 
> She says that she is sorry she hurt me but doesn't think what she did was wrong since it wasn't physical. She has even told me that I should have a online fling. She says that way I would have the experience also and that it would actually benefit us. That I don't understand what the experience is like because I haven't done it. That it's just a online fantasy world.
> 
> I wouldn't even know where to go online or how to start one to begin with. I would like to get some advice on what you think about this and what you would do? Thank you.


..

Does falling in love with someone online seem stupid to you?

I mean, how desperate and starved for attention would you have to be, to get emotionally involved with a screen full of keystrokes....

It is about 3 steps below 1-900 phone sex...

For your wife to offer you the opportunity to keyboard cheat too is beyond bizarre....I would go to "coping with infidelity" get all the SOP for EA's and move forward from there....

The offer almost convinces me it was a PA...

I would suggest a poly graph...

the woodchuck


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> ..
> 
> *Does falling in love with someone online seem stupid to you?
> 
> ...


Ummmm.... slight threadjack here.... but that's how I met my husband. That's how some others on this forum met their spouses. Tread carefully when addressing such relationships. 

Yes, she cheated. Yes, it was an EA. Sadly, her offer isn't as far-fetched as you may think. Someone who doesn't see emotional infidelity as "really cheating" would easily make such an offer.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Have her read Not Just Friends by Shirely Glass (you too!)

Do NOT fall for this ploy of hers.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

If she's encouraging you to do what she did,then it doesn't appear that she's all that sorry in my opinion.What do you think would be next on her agenda if you took her up on her offer? What do your own values say?


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## Joseph5 (Jul 13, 2013)

Thank you for all of the comments. I've told her every time that the subject has come up that I have no interest in having a fling online. That the only women that I would ever need in reality or fantasy is her. I'm not going to have any type of fling. I just wanted to see if other people would feel the same way as I do. As for the advice I have done a lot of the things that have been suggested to me in the other threads.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Ummmm.... slight threadjack here.... but that's how I met my husband. That's how some others on this forum met their spouses. Tread carefully when addressing such relationships.
> 
> Yes, she cheated. Yes, it was an EA. Sadly, her offer isn't as far-fetched as you may think. Someone who doesn't see emotional infidelity as "really cheating" would easily make such an offer.


It's one thing to get on a hookup site if you are single, but for someone in a committed relationship....Just too weird..


the woodchuck


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> It's one thing to get on a hookup site if you are single, but for someone in a committed relationship....Just too weird..
> 
> 
> the woodchuck


Weird or not, it does happen. It's not always on "hook up sites" either. I never went to one. I met my husband through an online friend. I met the EA OM online, and it remained online. It does happen that it never goes physical. Be that as it may, the OP has stated that he's not going to take her up on her offer. I think that is a wise decision.


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