# Just can't deal with it anymore.



## Ryley01 (Jan 2, 2009)

I have been married for 8 years, this is my second marriage and we have 3 kids. I am a stay at home mom and he runs a successful business,and has a very active social life too, I might add...he goes out a lot.He plays soccer, is on two bowling leagues, and goes to the casino when he feels like it.He goes out for long stretches and leaves me with no money do do anything, as I have no access to the bank accounts.I feel ridiculous asking for money, and try not to do so, as I do have a small job babysitting my sister's 4 kids.He wants me to quit this job.I have a problem with the going out because he comes home late and makes a lot of noise, usually because he has been drinking...I have to be up at 6:30am to get children off to school and start babysitting at 7:10am.He turns lights on, cooks, and watches t.v. loudly.If I ask for him to be quiet, (or how about stay home and help me deal with OUR 3 children) he freaks out on me and says he'll go out if "damn well wants to" because he " has a job". I know he provides for us and my children have a lot...but...we have nothing in common...I find him loud, and obnoxious.On the weekends when I need a break from a busy week with kids, he has poker parties inviting up to 14 guys and girls who make so much noise, that the kids or I can't go to sleep until 2 or 3 in the morning.These people arrive at 6 pm and it just goes on and on.Am I being silly about wanting to leave this guy?This has been going on for years..I'm here for the kids at this point. He spends no time with the kids and we do nothing together anyway...I just don't want to leave for the wrong reasons.Thanks for taking the time to read this!


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## abirdoutofitscage (Dec 28, 2008)

Wow! Thats just not acceptable you need to get a move on from this guy pronto..just reading that pissed me off...I totally understand staying for the kids (I posted a question earlier about when you should and shouldnt) but in this case I would not stay, I'd take my kids and be out of there.


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## cmmcafee (Dec 28, 2008)

you live on life, you should be happy. your children will probably be better off..and then he can spend that money supporting you through child support...but keeping or getting a job first is very important, you have to be able to support yourself for the most part... it seems that he feels he can control you because he "pays" for you to live. You want a partner, not a boss or someone who thinks he can control you.

my H is similar, he thinks because I stopped working to be home recently, that now he can do what he wants and tell me what to do and I do everything! and it is NOT right. I do not care who you are, it doesn't have to be 50-50 but, you need someone who cares for you and who will want to spend time with you and the children.
good luck. i know it is hard, but youll be stronger and better off by leaving then staying and being unhappy.


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## Ryley01 (Jan 2, 2009)

Hey, thanks to both of you for replying to my post.I think I have pretty much made up my mind to leave, and I have been putting money away for this purpose.I think the the turning point was last week when he had one of his poker party things and one of the girl "friends" he had over was drunk and banging around and talking loudly at 2 a.m....and when I asked him about that later..(I don't get involved with these poker things..I stay upstairs with the kids the whole time from 6pm to when ever they decide to be done) he told me to "mind my own business" about "his friends' behaviour" and to "stop being a loser"....that made me pretty pissed off, and it strengthened my resolve to get out of here. I think the kids and I would be somewhat happier away from his constant outbursts and late night lifestyle, I think I should leave just in order to get a good night's sleep!


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Oh honey....take your children and get some peace and quiet. No one should live like that. And any true father would not do that to his children. No one should have to live that way....and these children don't have a choice. Take them somewhere they can live peacefully and have a good nights sleep...every night!


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## Runsalone (Dec 27, 2008)

MsStacy said:


> Oh honey No one should live like that. And any true father would not do that to his children. QUOTE]
> 
> Not that Im one to be listening to , but I wanna try and contribute something positive to this site as well.......
> 
> ...


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Sorry, late post...DUMP this SOB!!! Kick him out!! Live your life and with your kids. He will soon learn if with/out is what he wants...and that will be your answer. 

I'm so sorry, girl...this just isn't right...


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Ryley01, he sounds like a mega-jerk.... I wouldn't tolerate that either. If you really feel you need to leave, I'd say go for it. That is an abusive situation, he's not thinking of your needs, your kids, or how his actions affect anyone else. Also, it's important to think what kind of example he's setting for your children... that kind of uncontrolled partying and drinking and staying up till all hours, is something kids in college do, not grown men, with a wife and family. He sounds very selfish. Protect your kids... good luck


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## printer (Feb 7, 2009)

I too almost have the same problem except its my wife that does what you state and im the one at home.


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## Ryley01 (Jan 2, 2009)

So.Here I sit alone with the kids asleep while I write this, husband out again after half -heartedly telling me he'd be home in an hour.That was 4 hours ago.The only difference tonight is that when he walked out the door,I didn't care. I have already made my decision, and it is that I will not remain in a marriage where I am not respected. This has been a long time coming,but he completely ignores my pleas for any change, so I am sure he will be either infuriated when I do take a hike, or happy that he can continue his partying behavior.
Also, I received very good advice from everyone who answered my post, and for that, I am most appreciative! Thanks to all.


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

WOW! What a horrible situation you are in!! I dont know why he would say those things to you or put you thru all that. He sounds like he only cares for himself. I never come home drunk because i dont want the kids to see or hear me in that condition. Kudos to you for trying to keep your kids away from this by keeping them upstairs. 

I admit though i am curious as to WHAT is going on at these parties. I cant believe after the children are asleep that you never go down to take a peek. i would be wondering if the banging around was someone, mainly my husband, having sex!!!

But really if you tried talking to him and he doesnt think he is doing anything wrong (not just to you but to your children--i mean they learn by what they see, isnt he worried that they will act like that too?) then you need to move on. Get a job, and a babysitter, and look for a house or apartment. and make it so when you do leave, all you have to do is walk out the door. i would leave first then worry about all the paper work.


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## Ryley01 (Jan 2, 2009)

HI MrsVain, thanks for the reply.Yeah, I really have become quite indifferent to his antics as of late, and I plain just don't like the guy.I have been carefully planning this on and off for a while and every penny that I can afford goes into this fund! My kids and I deserve way better and I am determined to provide that for us. Hope things are going well for you also!


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

i really cant say if divorce is the right answer. but if you try every thing and he doesnt respond and he continues to treat you this way, then it is better for you and the kids to get out.

good luck


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

how you doing lately?


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## div2wice (Sep 18, 2008)

This is upsetting. He is clearly controlling you. He has a low self esteem and for some reason controlling you makes him feel more like a man.
I'm going to be honest, you need separate from him. Do not quit your babysitting job, that will give him even more control over you. Start putting some money away, asking for money for groceries, but not spending it all and putting the rest, etc.
You have as much right to that money as he does, if you were divorce he would likely have to pay you spousal support (because he refuses to allow you to work) along with child support.
Separating will be hard financially, but you cannot go on allowing him to run your life, and not be a father to those kids.


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