# 28 Male, almost total drop in sex drive



## mace85 (Mar 12, 2012)

Hi all. I am a long time lurker, but rare poster. I am a 28 year old guy married to an amazing 28 year old woman. We have been married for just under 5 years and together for over 10. I can honestly say that even though the marriage hasn't been absolutely perfect, and we have had the typical fights that couples do, it has always been worth the effort we have had to put into it. Pretty much immediately after we were married, what I assumed to be a back injury from responding to a call at one of my jobs turned out to be a tumor on my spinal cord. My wife was a full time microbiology student but still managed to be at my side every night after my surgery, and home consistently every free second she could be while I was recovering and through follow up treatments. It was the ultimate test of a marriage, and pretty much immediately after it started. 

Here is some background. My wife is has an average build, with some great *uh hum* assets. She isn't obese by any stretch, but not stick thin, or has a runners body. I only say this for context, as I enjoy her body and wouldn't ask her to change anything. I find her sexy, and am in touch enough with reality to understand that the female form seen on TV is utterly unattainable for a real person with a life. She danced (ballet) for years until she was sidelined with an ankle injury. And is heavier than she used to be, which upsets her. She also had an eating disorder when she was young (preteen to early teens) in which she wouldn't eat for days. I met her at 15 and she was 90 pounds, but active, and eating well. 

I am now a full time student. I have worked full time consistently since I was 16 and went took college courses intermittently through the years. I worked full time while she got through two bachelor degrees. In the last year I was injured at work by a patient and had some time off. I had planned to reduce my work load when I got back to full duty, to continue school. But by the time I was cleared my boss had lost two more guys to injury and told me I had to continue full time. My wife and I spoke about it, and she told me to leave my job. She said it was her turn to work while I finished my education. 

When I started going to class full time I decided to get evaluated for ADHD by a psych doc. I kinda struggled with it since I was a kid, but was never treated. I honestly didn't even believe was a real disorder. But once a treatment plan was worked up, my life and ability to function has improved 100%. Things at school improved, as well as at home. Behaviors that I didn't even realize were there changed. I did more to help the household because I realized that I could take 5 minutes to load/unload a dishwasher and not get behind in my other obligations. I was also able to actually pay attention to my wife when we were having a conversation without struggling. This in turn alleviated most of the things that we used to fight about. Things are overall good! 

I was always a HD kinda guy, the one that would always want it, and scour the interwebs for new things a couple could try. Nothing too extreme, but I would try to expand my sexual knowledge to make sex better. She has been at times LD to average, and we have always had trouble talking about sex. She seems to have a hang up with talking about fantasy or desire, or even admitting that she had them. But the sex was good. I just felt that if I had things I wanted or enjoyed, she must too, and I want to know what they are so I can try to give them to her. I still think she is working through some body issues from her earlier years. She weighs more than she ever did, but still is at or below average for her age and height. She's still sexy as hell, sexier probably than she was 10 years ago. The body fat she has now is in all the fun places that fat goes to on a healthy woman. 

However recently my drive has dropped to absolutely zero. In the last month we had sex 2 times. Both were initiated by her asking. Everything worked as it should. It did take a bit longer for me to get erect enough to make it happen though. 

I have no idea why this is happening. I read a bunch of other threads and ruled out the usual suspects. our relationships great, perhaps better than ever. I am physically attracted to her, I even prefer her current physique more that when I first met her. I don't consume porn. I don't ever drink. I left a high stress job. But even though I am not a porn user I lately have been viewing some to see if I get any kind of physical response, and I don't. Masterbation is down. Sometimes I start, but get bored and don't continue. I don't think it's depression, I don't have the lethargy or notice any mood differences in the other aspects in my life. 

I really want to have more sex. My wife has noticed this change and it's hard for her. She naturally assumes that my lack of interest is due to her not being attractive enough, which is not the case at all. Regardless of my lack of drive, I still think of the things I would love to do with/to her all the time. I am not sure what to do here.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

Are you on any medication? Maybe check into it with your doctor if you are and see if they could cause issues like this?


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Are you impotent if she goes down on you?

If you go down on her does it arouse you? 

Have you asked her how often she would like to do it? Once a week is pretty normal for a lot of people after 10 years. I'm NOT saying for everyone, but weekly is enough for a lot of couples. 

Maybe make a commitment to do it weekly, even if you are not 'horny', and see if you can get back in the groove to at least a regular pattern of sorts. If you don't make the effort, I think there will be big trouble ahead for the marriage. Don't wait around for your libido to return, start making out with her. Or you will have a very unhappy wife.

Also a few toys in the bedroom help too to change things up.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you had your testosterone levels checked? 

C


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## mace85 (Mar 12, 2012)

indiecat said:


> Are you impotent if she goes down on you?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



No real impotence, just slow to respond. Once things start, everything works fine. If I were to go down on her an erection is a non-issue. Toys are already around. Have been for a while, prior to this. And the number may be average, but it's much lower than it used to be, with a sudden drop.


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## mace85 (Mar 12, 2012)

EntirelyDifferent said:


> Are you on any medication? Maybe check into it with your doctor if you are and see if they could cause issues like this?



Yes. Vyvanse, and I have read that it makes people hornier! Hence my confusion.


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## mace85 (Mar 12, 2012)

PBear said:


> Have you had your testosterone levels checked?
> 
> C



No. But I am on a student health plan and these docs only really want to treat the sniffles and STD's. I am not convinced that they would write for that lab work. It's a very backwards healthcare system at my school.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I was in a similar situation. If my wifee didn't want sex, maybe 1x month, I lost interest, had some issues getting it up and having an orgasm. But when having sex say 3x week, no issues. Use it or lose it like any muscle. Plus when having sex on a regular basis. it boosts your test levels, getting you more in the mood. This is like a circle. Lots of sex means higher test levels and in the mood more. Low amounts of sex means lower test levels and not in the mood much, even though you could still have sex.

There's physical exercise like weight training 5+ days each week. Raises test levels, gets everything up and running and flowing.

Try a natural test booster with a lot of Tribulus Terrestris in it. This will get you in the mood big time. Many lab tests to prove this too but it will not raise your test levels like many claim, only sex drive.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> I was in a similar situation. If my wifee didn't want sex, maybe 1x month, I lost interest, had some issues getting it up and having an orgasm. But when having sex say 3x week, no issues. Use it or lose it like any muscle. Plus when having sex on a regular basis. it boosts your test levels, getting you more in the mood. This is like a circle. Lots of sex means higher test levels and in the mood more. Low amounts of sex means lower test levels and not in the mood much, even though you could still have sex.
> 
> There's physical exercise like weight training 5+ days each week. Raises test levels, gets everything up and running and flowing.
> 
> Try a natural test booster with a lot of Tribulus Terrestris in it. This will get you in the mood big time. Many lab tests to prove this too but it will not raise your test levels like many claim, only sex drive.


The actual act of sex is HUGE, especially for a male.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Rule out a physical issue, including testosterone. How's your health otherwise? Weight? 

C


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I'm with PBear on this. My husband's previous doctors kept saying it couldn't possibly be low testosterone because he's only 32. Well, I finally got him to use the health angle, pointing out other things that testosterone is needed for. His current doctor said he didn't think it was that, but to humor me, he said ok, we'll check it. Low and behold, his level was 177 (give or take a few points, but definitely lower than 180). His doctor was shocked! He's been getting injections for the last few months. If you are concerned about whether or not the doctor will order it, point out that there are other things testosterone is used for in the body, and you want to make sure it's where it belongs.


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## mace85 (Mar 12, 2012)

PBear said:


> Rule out a physical issue, including testosterone. How's your health otherwise? Weight?
> 
> C



Weight, more than it should be, but going down. Otherwise no changes or health issues. I am starting to consider the low testosterone issue a good candidate.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

ADHD meds can reduce your sex drive.





mace85 said:


> Hi all. I am a long time lurker, but rare poster. I am a 28 year old guy married to an amazing 28 year old woman. We have been married for just under 5 years and together for over 10. I can honestly say that even though the marriage hasn't been absolutely perfect, and we have had the typical fights that couples do, it has always been worth the effort we have had to put into it. Pretty much immediately after we were married, what I assumed to be a back injury from responding to a call at one of my jobs turned out to be a tumor on my spinal cord. My wife was a full time microbiology student but still managed to be at my side every night after my surgery, and home consistently every free second she could be while I was recovering and through follow up treatments. It was the ultimate test of a marriage, and pretty much immediately after it started.
> 
> Here is some background. My wife is has an average build, with some great *uh hum* assets. She isn't obese by any stretch, but not stick thin, or has a runners body. I only say this for context, as I enjoy her body and wouldn't ask her to change anything. I find her sexy, and am in touch enough with reality to understand that the female form seen on TV is utterly unattainable for a real person with a life. She danced (ballet) for years until she was sidelined with an ankle injury. And is heavier than she used to be, which upsets her. She also had an eating disorder when she was young (preteen to early teens) in which she wouldn't eat for days. I met her at 15 and she was 90 pounds, but active, and eating well.
> 
> ...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Vyvanse is excellent for focus and energy levels. 

It can reduce your sex drive. 

That said I have a suggestion, initiate sex even when you don't feel desire. It is very likely that touching and being touched will get you hard quickly and the sex will be very good. 

This is called 'responsive desire' and it works well for many folks.


QUOTE=mace85;6637545]Yes. Vyvanse, and I have read that it makes people hornier! Hence my confusion.[/QUOTE]


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

What did your doctor say about the tumor?


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I would think that if the desire went down at the time you started taking these meds that probably says something about the meds.

Otherwise there could be other health issues. 

I do find the topic interesting in that you had the desire not only for sex but also ways to make it better. 

Of course I can see that you can't control your own need for sex when it is a medical condition but I guess I do not quite understand how that effects your need to make your wife happy. 

So you have the ability to get an erection but you don't initiate why?
I would have to think that you have had to do things in your life that where not your first choice but you did them because someone was counting on you.

Sorry, I am not intending to accuse you but just trying to understand what you are experiencing.


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## mace85 (Mar 12, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> What did your doctor say about the tumor?



The pathology was inconclusive. Lost one or two nerve roots, but no idea what they did. Tumor had become encapsulated by cystic membrane so the working theory is an immune response had responded to it. Unsure of the spread though. Follow up brain to sacral spine MRIs twice a year for 6 years and then annually for 10-15 years to check for regrowth/new lesions.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

PBear said:


> Have you had your testosterone levels checked?
> 
> C


My thought and question exactly! If you are not thinking about sex....and craving sex in your mind....your T level could be low. It is worth getting it checked out.


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## mace85 (Mar 12, 2012)

usmarriedguy said:


> I would think that if the desire went down at the time you started taking these meds that probably says something about the meds.
> 
> My first thought, however these issues occurred a good bit after the meds started. However I know Vyvanse is a "pro-drug" and the effects can take a while to show. I am considering switching to another medication to see if the issue changes. This was kind of my prime suspect.
> 
> ...


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## mace85 (Mar 12, 2012)

Part of my dynamic, and I am sure it's the same for most couples out there, is that often there aren't enough hours in the day. It's hard to get everything done, and still have time for intimacy. I do think that if my low drive isn't the result of low-T or medication side effects, then this has a large part to do with it. 

I would love to engage in morning sex, or random sex through the house in the course of the day. Part of that is my wife seems to only prefer sex in the evening right before bed. I am not sure why, she says it's because afterwards I want to fall asleep, which is usually true. 

However yesterday morning I woke her up, took out the dog and got our morning stuff done, and had her get back into bed. We managed two back to back sessions, which we haven't done in a long time. And it was in the morning, which is even rarer. Sometimes I think that just talking about the difficulty to people helps make the situation better. Although I am still looking to get back to my baseline.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I would think that she can compromise on time of day to make it easier for you since she is the one who is asking for more. Maybe this is mostly just over stress.


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