# Is my wife lying?



## Becomingaware (Sep 20, 2018)

When my wife of 14 years and I dated , I noticed little lies she would tell her mom about where she was going or who she was with. She didn’t want her mom to worry so she lied and while it bothered me (I was open about everything) I knew they were little white lies.

Over the course of our marriage she has told me little while lies...sometimes I knew, sometimes I didn’t. Around the 11 year mark she lied about going to daytime lunch massages with a female colleague. I only found out because the bank called me over a delinquent payment. I called her and asked if she had been for a massage and she said no. Asked when she last went, was told it was so long ago she couldn’t remmeber. So I went to the bank, called the massage place and found out she was there 4 days prior and a week before that, and twice the week before that. I asked again, hoping she would be honest but she wasn’t. When I showed her the evidence she said there was a mistake, then later confessed that she went...but blamed me. It was my fault she hadn’t said anything about it because “I was going through a lot at work and she didn’t want me to feel worse knowing she was out enjoying herself while I was hard at work”. I felt hurt because I was never invited. I felt betrayed because she felt the need to hide it, and angry because she lied to me....we moved on.

Last year she let me borrow her phone and I found female/female porn on her phone. Looking at porn didn’t bother me even though she never wanted have sex...like once every 6-8 weeks, sometime longer. In all, there were 5 pages open. Over the course of 8 weeks, I tried to step up my game but nothing worked. I checked her phone two more times during this period and found new/different videos opened all of the same category. During that time, I asked if she ever watches porn and tried to get her to watch it with me...nothing but denial.

It all kind of came to a head when I Opened her phone and showed her what I discovered. She blamed the kids, accidential clicks, you name it...she had no idea how or why it was open. Concerned about what else she might be lying about I asked if she having an affair. She wouldn’t answer....she was mad as hell then asked me...you think I’m having an affair. I said, all indicators are pointing that direction and she screamed, “I AM, WITH WOMEN”. I was speechless because I never expected that all I could get out was “when” and she replied, NEVER, I LIED.

I can’t recall much after that but we went a day without speaking...then she approached me and told me she was looking at porn but never had an affair.
She told me she said it for the following reasons:
I was accusing her of watching F/F porn so she thought I was implying she was having an affair with a women. She was angry that I could accuse her of such a thing. She was confused...and about 5 other reasons, none of it made sense. Her reason changed every time we talked about it.

Over the last year, lots has happened. We started communicating more than ever, had more sex (nightly) for months on end...but we also became guarded. She wouldn’t talk about threesomes and said the topic is off limits. That made me upset...not that it was off the table but that there is something in our marriage we can’t talk about...

Recently I found a ton of “so and so winked at you”, “so and so wants to connect”....all from hookup sites, all from women. When I asked her about it she blamed me...said it was from a year ago when I was searching for her online. But I was never on the sites she’s getting mail from.

If this were you and you really didn’t set it up; wouldn’t you request a password and delete the profile. I told her, there is no way a search engine went in, created an account, verified the account through email, set up a profile for F/F...and all of that had to happen for her to start receiving emails.

I’m at a loss. Her sexuality doesn’t bother me. I wouldn’t care if she said, I’m bisexual. But she won’t. I know she told me more lies and that the lies will never end because she will always shift the blame. I don’t have any friends to talk to about this and could really use some advice. Would you stay, leave, go to counseling? Do you think she had an affair and is lying about it...I mean why say you did, then say you didn’t?

Has anyone been on the receiving or giving end of this? How did you cope? What did you do that worked? What is something I shouldn’t do? Sorry for all the questions but the lies are eating me up because I can’t distinguish between her truth and her lies anymore.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I will use your quotes.



> all indicators are pointing that direction


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

There is no trust and no respect in the marriage... so you really have no foundation for the union.

She's left you with no solid way to havea healthy/happy marriage.

What do you plan to do about it? You can't force her to be honesty. You want to stay married to a known liar?


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

She's lying her tail off. 

I think you have to start snooping.

She doesn't appear to be tech savvy, check her browser history, monitor her email and her texting.

If you have an idea that she may be up to something in a given time/place, see if you can catch her out there.


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## Becomingaware (Sep 20, 2018)

Thanks Beach. It feels so good just to have a place to discuss this. You’re right. The foundation is gone and it’s left me empty. I don’t want to split my family apart and we’re not in the best of places financially. I know staying together for the kids is the wrong reason. I also know what we did discover over the past year was true happiness in a weird sort of way. The challenge has been maintaining that happiness which has become increasingly difficult with so many walls and no foundation. She says it’s the way I react that keeps her from being honest. I’ve never physically abused her but since this started, we both have a tendency to hurt each other verbally when we fight. It’s the things that are said during those arguements that have raised the walls. I don’t want to leave...I want her to just be real with me but I’m realistic in knowing that may never happen. I’ve had this conversation with her and she tells me over and over that she never had an affair and can’t answer any differently because it’s the truth. Then something comes along like all the email messages and causes me to second guess my first instinct.


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

Becomingaware said:


> Thanks Beach. It feels so good just to have a place to discuss this. You’re right. The foundation is gone and it’s left me empty. I don’t want to split my family apart and we’re not in the best of places financially. I know staying together for the kids is the wrong reason. I also know what we did discover over the past year was true happiness in a weird sort of way. The challenge has been maintaining that happiness which has become increasingly difficult with so many walls and no foundation. She says it’s the way I react that keeps her from being honest. I’ve never physically abused her but since this started, we both have a tendency to hurt each other verbally when we fight. It’s the things that are said during those arguements that have raised the walls. I don’t want to leave...I want her to just be real with me but I’m realistic in knowing that may never happen. I’ve had this conversation with her and she tells me over and over that she never had an affair and can’t answer any differently because it’s the truth. Then something comes along like all the email messages and causes me to second guess my first instinct.


The 'happiness' you describe over the past year could be to do with something other than yourself.

My ex was bi-sexual. Didn't make a difference to me, I held her to the same standard as I would a straight woman. Anytime she expressed interest and what would I think about it, I just said 'yeah, you can do it, bit you ha e to share and watch me be inside someone else.' That shut her up pretty quick.

Regarding the lying, some people can do it without a moment's hesitation. Even when confronted with solid evidence. They will blatantly deny deny deny, believing that if they do it enough (and the recipient and soft enough) the other person will believe it. And yes mine was a compulsive liar.

I'm not married, but have watched enough ****storms go down to see that some people do not take marriage vows seriously. They just want their day as a princess/prince and the status so they don't have to put in the effort now that they have 'hooked' someone for life.

As for your instincts, trust them, they never lie. Your body and (subconscious) mind are picking up things that you can't explain logically. Trust it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Cheating or not (and it sounds like a real possibility), she’s WAY too comfortable with both lying _and_ blameshifting.

Maybe start with GPS in her car.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If you saw as many men as we have lose their wives to another woman you would not be encouraging her about threesomes or anything else.

Did you find her profile on the hook up sites? What did it say? 

Find a GPS and put on her car. Also get the Sony model voice activated recorder that costs about 60$ and Velcro it under the dash or seat. Thouroughly check out her phone bill. Look for numbers under the wrong names and numbers contacted a lot. 

She had basically cut you off until you started asking about an affair. That sounds like she may have been in love with someone else. 

Who did she say she went to the massage with. How an you verify that. She could have a girlfriend and/or a boyfriend.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Becomingaware 

This is how your wife sees herself:









This is how she really is:









She is lying to you because lying is part of her nature.

As Scrooge said: "An ant is what it is, and a grasshopper is what it is" and your wife is what she is, a liar.

I would suggest counselling, marital and individual, as your wife needs help before her lying ways destroys her family.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The first fact is she's a habitual liar. 

If she won't become a truthful person to you, her husband, shes saying clearly the foundation is washed away. Sadly it may be best to ask her to leave.

Too many red flags.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Chaparral said:


> If you saw as many men as we have lose their wives to another woman you would not be encouraging her about threesomes or anything else.
> 
> Did you find her profile on the hook up sites? What did it say?
> 
> ...


The massage therapist could be her AP?
The massage therapist is likely a woman.

Just a woman, any woman will do in a pinch. 
Good enough for her pinching erotic imagination.

She enjoys women, loves it when they touch her, rub her.

Look at the Red Flags flying.

Take one of those flags, the one waving in your face.
Press it to your nose, smell the perfume.
The perfume of lust dripping from it.

This is no lie.

Yes, she does lie, lies under women.




The Typist I-


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

You know the answer to your question.

I’m sorry

Be strong and good luck


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

I don't know it sounds like you've ignored some pretty *big *red flags in regards to your wife. Also, habitual liars, I don't care how small the lies are, are simply that. Liars. You married a liar. You knew you married a liar. You know she's lying to you now. I'm sure on some level you knew everyone here would tell you she was lying. And if liars will tell small lies, they will tell big lies.

Anyway sorry you're here. Wish I had some better advice but one thing I would advise you to do is to stop talking about her cheating and bringing it up. All she's going to do is lie to you and cover her tracks even harder. You're going to have to find out what she's up to on your own. Might not be easy, there are a lot of people who don't feel comfortable spying on their spouse, cheating or not. But you're probably not going to get the truth from her directly, maybe not ever. If your wife is the liar you say she is, she's probably only going to admit to what you can prove. And she'll still probably try to spin that.

I know you say money is tight but maybe you should look into private investigators in your area.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I have a story about a women, not unlike your wife.

I spent most of my life in the Army and its Reserves.

There are many lesbians and bi-sexual women in the military. The reasons are convenience, time away from home, away from prying eyes.
And other reasons, of course.

One of my friends and colleagues was an officer, one rank above me. She was very private, never flirty, always professional. We got along fine.
We talked about many things, some personal, none out of bounds.

Our Headquarters was located in an old armory, one rented out by a civilian owner.

At the close of business that drill weekend, it a Saturday where almost everyone went home, went to dinner, went somewhere.

There were a few getting prepared for the next days activities, that was me.

I had changed into jeans and a sweatshirt, socks, no shoes.

We were getting ready to audit a subordinate unit. I wanted to see what the last findings were and whether they had made any progress.

The old records were in the basement in an unlocked cage.

This armory was huge, the basement was very large.

It had cages at the other end of it, where gear was stored and secured. That is where I headed.

When I went down the stairs I noted that someone had left the lights on. Just a few.

I was in my socks, was in some other place in my mind and just not very alert to anything.

As I got near the cages, I could hear noises, sounded like moaning and groaning. Whispering.

I walked up to one cage, the door was not padlocked but was shut. There was a tarp over the door to keep people from looking and knowing what was inside. 
Only two people had access to the keys to those cages, the SSG Supply Sergeant and the Company Commander.

Opening up the door, it was she, the supply sergeant. 
And she, my colleague, my married officer friend.

Both were naked, laying on top of a bunch of sleeping bag pads. There were sex toys scattered around.

They both screamed, I backed out and said, "Excuse me". 

I then went into the other unlocked cage and got the paperwork I was seeking.

They dressed quickly and left, left the building, not a word said to me that day.

At first formation, my officer colleague told me, "We need to talk".

I nodded and after formation we went outside to talk. She was in tears.

I know her husband very well, we served in another unit for over twenty years. She knew this.

She begged me to keep quiet, saying it would ruin her career, her marriage; the Supply Sergeants career, the Supply Sergeants marriage. 
Yes, both were married. 


Exposing her and the SSG would taint our unit, the Army Reserve.
I had no intention of saying anything. I told her this and why.

She was relieved, but only on the surface.

About two months later, there were rumors floating about these two. It was obviously not from me. From someone in civilian life that suspected something of their friendship.
People were asking questions.

Both, approached me and offered me 'anything' I wanted to keep quiet. I knew they wanted to drag me into the scandal to keep me from talking.

I again assured them that I would keep silent and told them I had no desire or interest in pursing anything more, whatsoever!

Here is a thing I kept under wraps about my old unit male friend and colleague. Her husband.
He later became a womanizer.

In the beginning he was a loyal husband, yet, he always complained to me that he had to beg for sex.

I did not tell her what I knew. She was a secretive liar, the best I ever saw.

You can remove most anything from a man, from a women.
You cannot remove their real sexuality, not once realized and consummated.



Just Sayin'


[THRD]


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Well, she has displayed an ongoing history of lying. She apparently lies any time it suits her and she doesn't you or others to know what is truly going on. She's openly done it to you. Why would anyone lie about going to get massages? You knew she had had some previous massages why lie about some of the new ones. 

Truthfully I have no clue what is going on with her but yes, I clearly think she lies to you and you definitely DO NOT know everything. 

I suspect she is into women and there is a lot you don't know. 

It doesn't sound like you've ever confronted bluntly and told her all the instances you know she lies (going back to mom) and that you can't trust her because total honesty is something she's not given and that you two can't go on like this with her lying to you and that you don't trust her. 

You never really know where you stand when you are with a liar.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

Lying is a deal breaker. Unfortunately you have a child plus you financial constraints on what you do next

Can you afford counseling? If not, there may be some self help books or maybe you could talk to your minister.

People are complex and lie for different reasons. Maybe when you catch her in a lie (stay calm) ask why...and go from there.


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

I guess you have to decide if you want to walk, or find out more before you decide to walk or not.

She ain't gonna tell you the truth. 

Find the standard evidence gathering post in the infidelity forum and read it. 

You'll get the information you need if you settle down and investigate.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> I have a story about a women, not unlike your wife.
> 
> I spent most of my life in the Army and its Reserves.
> 
> ...



Pretty low that you kept that from the husband....your "friend". You should have told him immediately so he could make any decision he needed to based on truth.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

My take is that it doesn't really matter the lies, sneaking, blameshifting, etc., eventually later on in life the most likely outcome will be: she leaving you for another woman; so I think that it should matter to you if she is into women.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I think your wife is a lesbian, not bisexual. But the real question is why do you care if she's lying now? You know she's a habitual liar so whether it's a lie today or a lie tomorrow won't change anything. You just have to decide how you want to deal with it. 

BTW, I dated a woman whose best friend was in a long term lesbian relationship. Her husband didn't know his wife was gay and accepted a sexless relationship as normal because he liked the family life. His wife liked the security he provided and the income (e.g. new boat, new RV, fancy vacations, nice house, etc.) so she kept up the charade for the money. Totally F'd up in my mind but they both accepted it as part of their marriage.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

_"Totally F'd up in my mind but they both accepted it as part of their marriage."_

I guess she did accept it as part of their marriage. She got what she wanted and he simple went along with and paid for the lifestyle. You shold have gave the old boy a talkin to and reminded him that with her girlfriends in proximity, he can negotiate the sexless part in his favor. Kinda hard to believe he knew nothing. Scavengers leave tracks.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

hinterdir said:


> Pretty low that you kept that from the husband....your "friend". You should have told him immediately so he could make any decision he needed to based on truth.


You did not read 'carefully'.

They were both cheaters, he was a womanizer.


There is more to this story. I went to one of the units reunions. Her unit, not his!!

Both husband and wife were now retired from the Army Reserves, both in their early sixties?

Both husband and wife approached me. She gave me a hug, he shook my hand.

Later, the wife caught me alone and 'really, really' hugged me, she thanked me for saving her life.
She told me she would be forever grateful. That I never told anyone about her affair with the Supply Sgt.

A half-hour later her husband came up to me and said that when he found out I was working alongside his wife in this unit, he was really nervous that I would blab that he was a cheater.

He told me his wife had wonderful things to say about me. About me being all professional, no bad things ever said.

Right before we went about our way, he told he was ever grateful that I never told his wife that he was a cheater.
With multiple women, oh, yeah!
He said they were in a really good spot now.
That they were now very happy. 

I talked to the units former First Sergeant. I asked him about the Supply Sergeant, why she was not here, where she was?

He said she got a divorce, moved out of state, got a job in the Texas National Guard.
He then said she was a lesbian, the husband found out and divorced her.

He then laughed, said he did not have a clue until it all came out. He told me he gave her a good NCO ER. a good review.
She was a good soldier. Then he made the typical jokes about lesbians.

I acted surprised and kept my mouth shut.

Exposing his cheating wife to her cheating husband would not have served anyone justice.
Justice has come and gone with these two.

Tit for tat.

**** tit for that cheater dik


Or, so it seems.....


[THRD]


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

VladDracul said:


> _"Totally F'd up in my mind but they both accepted it as part of their marriage."_
> 
> I guess she did accept it as part of their marriage. She got what she wanted and he simple went along with and paid for the lifestyle. You shold have gave the old boy a talkin to and reminded him that with her girlfriends in proximity, he can negotiate the sexless part in his favor. Kinda hard to believe he knew nothing. Scavengers leave tracks.


Nah, not my problem. I wasn't friends with him and only met him one time. I personally think that if he was married and was OK with never having sex with his wife (for whatever the reason) then that is his decision to make.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

faithfulman said:


> I guess you have to decide if you want to walk, or find out more before you decide to walk or not.
> 
> She ain't gonna tell you the truth.
> 
> ...


The standard evidence gathering post...

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Cheating is cheating. It doesn't matter whom it is with.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Yes she's lying. There's much more you don't know. Keep digging and stop tipping your hand too early.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It's tragic all around. On a humorous note, you could have a threesome, ride that train, then D when you're bored and prepared.

Not really I suppose, but again a humorous thought.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

She is lying through her teeth....

IMO, you have two options here.....

Continue on as you have this past year, knowing she is a woman who has A’s on you with other women, and just pretend to be oblivious (aka rugsweep).....but know that this lack of truth and intimacy between you will ALWAYS remain in your M from this day on.

Or confront her with the following (but you had better be ready to follow through if your WW will not confess and open up)....Tell her:

“Wife....I love you dearly, and truly want to make our M work.....But I cannot stay M to a woman that I feel continuously lies to me.

We MUST get to the point where we can be completely honest with each other, no secrets or lies......or I do not feel I can continue in this M.”

Lay out your demands in a calm and clear way, without resentment or anger......but be FIRM that the lies and secrets must stop if you are to remain and work on building a happy M with her.

It is a risk.....but as many here say, sometimes to save a M, you have to risk losing the M......

The only other option you have is to learn to be a good ostrich and bury your head in the sand.

Good luck.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Lol dude. Wife is at a massage parlor, looking at girl on girl porn, you fight and can’t get a threesome out of it. My first wife when the way of the gay and never was I like, well, at least I can get two chicks at once. She is gay, you just want a threesome...go your separate ways.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

The obvious is, you don't mind her lying, cheating, or using you for her security blanket. You don't mind her being herself with others and an actor with you. You don't want a woman who wants you. Maybe there is a fear of responsibility, if a woman did want only you and no other man? I don't know. You can figure that out, if you want. 

You won't changer her by anything you do. She is who she is. She might be able to learn to lie less, but that's only if she wants to try. She doesn't. It works very well for her. 

Doesn't it? 

Maybe it works well for you, too? Since we can only really consider you and what you post, I think you should take a look at why you want this type of relationship and whether it is truly worth it or dragging you down.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

She is disloyal. A betrayer. You know this already. There are many forms of disloyalty, only one of which is having sex outside of the marriage. For some reason people ignore all the non-sex disloyalties and betrayals. They stay in a very unhappy marriage, torturing themselves because they don’t have proof of sexual infidelity, yet they are well aware of all these other very bothersome infidelities to the marriage.

You don’t have to have proof of a PA. She lies to you, she deceives you. She is not loyal to you or the marriage. If she hasn’t had sex outside of marriage yet it is only a matter of time. Her mental model of marriage is not the same as yours!


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Herschel said:


> Lol dude. Wife is at a massage parlor, looking at girl on girl porn, you fight and can’t get a threesome out of it. My first wife when the way of the gay and never was I like, well, at least I can get two chicks at once. She is gay, you just want a threesome...go your separate ways.


Sometimes if the wife's gone completely gay, the girlfriend(s) swing both ways. Earlier years I was involved in a couple of situations like that in FMF with the F and M working on the F. If the wife wants to stay married, and you're not unhappy just sitting on the bench, the girls will make it work with the bi chick in the best of both worlds.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

@Becomingaware you need to feed this beast or it will fizzle out.

Let us know how things are progressing, or the opposite.

This blog is brutal, but helpful.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

She's lying. The girl she went on the massage with that's her affair partner. You need to seperate all joint accounts and take her of your Credit Cards and File for Divorce.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Any update OP?


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## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

Coming from someone that was cheated on, once trust is gone, it's over with. No amount of snooping is going to make things better. Catching her red handed will not make things better. Even if she comes clean about everything, in the future, you'll always wonder what she's doing behind your back, who's texting her, what she's doing when you're not around, etc. Either you agree to be in an open relationship or you move on. Took me a while to move on but there is a better life after a D.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

" later confessed that she went...but blamed me. It was my fault she hadn’t said anything about it because “I was going through a lot at work and she didn’t want me to feel worse knowing she was out enjoying herself while I was hard at work”. I felt hurt because I was never invited."



Speaks volumes...She lied, then blameshifted. Red flag and probably enough evidence for dismissal. She is obviously, sexually confused. But she is also embarrassed by this as well. Therefore, no communication...

But the part about your marriage vows and such. She broke them. Period. "Forsake all others". "Honor and cherish". 

She kept gassing you along becuase, again...She's confused and you are the stable "port in the storm". But you are not her equal and cherished partner...Sorry, but it's true. You could trying counselling, but probably you will find yourself with a gay wife that is on the way out the door once she realizes her meal ticket is soon to be revoked.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

SF-FAN said:


> *Even if she comes clean about everything, in the future*, you'll always wonder what she's doing behind your back, who's texting her, what she's doing when you're not around, etc. Either you agree to be in an open relationship or you move on. Took me a while to move on but there is a better life after a D.


 And the biggest problem is even if she told you everything, you have no way to know that. You're accepting the word of a liar. You will never be able to trust in what she says again. Sounds like you never could, to begin with. It might be everything. It might be the tip of the iceberg you will never know.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

You can always go the route of trying to get proof -- GPS the car, VAR's in the house/car, and keystroke loggers on your pc. If you can grab her phone, there are other software things you can add there as well (someone can pipe in with the good software packages these days).

If you have enough funds, you could have a PI follow her for a bit as well.
Without actual proof, this will drive you crazy.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

she might just be a habitual liar. Some people are like that....they choose instinctively to lie, instead of telling the truth, even on small things that do not matter at all.

If you still love her, i would suggest some counseling for her...to try too get to the bottom of WHY she chooses to lie about almost everything. Maybe there is some way to change her


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> she might just be a habitual liar. Some people are like that....they choose instinctively to lie, instead of telling the truth, even on small things that do not matter at all.
> 
> If you still love her, i would suggest some counseling for her...to try too get to the bottom of WHY she chooses to lie about almost everything. Maybe there is some way to change her


Really? People can't be expected to change.

In fact, they are expected to not change.

She lies because she can! And she's had no consequences for lying.

If you don't like it then leave her knowing she's not changing.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Either she is bi or lesbian, whatever. But what I'm reading from this is that she's ashamed of it. 

You may want to express to her that you support who people are, no matter what, and that you'd love her no matter how she felt about women. But that you can't be in a marriage with a wife who is always hiding who she is and lying to you. I think an open conversation about this, making sure she feels safe about the topic, is the only way you are going to get to a resolution. Otherwise, she'll keep being ashamed, keep hiding these urges and feelings, and keep lying to you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Any updates, @Becomingaware? How are you coping?


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> hinterdir said:
> 
> 
> > Pretty low that you kept that from the husband....your "friend". You should have told him immediately so he could make any decision he needed to based on truth.
> ...


SunCmars I didn't know you were in the military. Interesting story you related. Maybe we should start a new section for military infidelity stories. I have numerous ones.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

I would be concerned about everything you have told us. 

My XWW used to secretly look at F/F Porn while playing with her power tools. It didn’t raise any red flags at the time but in retrospect, It should have. It turns out she was cheating on me with another dude but they used to share their favorite porn with each other. My XWW’s favorite just happen to be F/F. 

Also, one of XWW’s best girlfriends left her husband and children of 15 years, for another woman.

You never know who someone is really is.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Everybody here thinks she's lying. It looks like lying is a lifestyle for her.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Becomingaware said:


> When my wife of 14 years and I dated , I noticed little lies she would tell
> 
> Over the course of our marriage she has told me little while lies...sometimes I knew, sometimes I didn’t.



You are in a situation you created yourself by accepting this. Maybe you should just keep lying to yourself.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

WasDecimated said:


> I would be concerned about everything you have told us.
> 
> My XWW used to secretly look at F/F Porn while playing with her power tools. It didn’t raise any red flags at the time but in retrospect, It should have. It turns out she was cheating on me with another dude but they used to share their favorite porn with each other. My XWW’s favorite just happen to be F/F.
> 
> ...


This tells me that your wife swings both ways, that she prefers men, sometimes women in a pinch.

Since she was getting male attention, she made up for the female deficit by looking at F/F porn to scratch that itch not receiving attention.

Her, and her lady BFF were likely engaged....dis-engaged.

Occasionally.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Folks, the OP hasn't posted in a month. How about letting him respond before taking this any further?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Becomingaware how are you? How's it going?


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