# How men treat their mothers?



## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Not sure if any of it is connected, but have heard that if you see how a man treats his mother is how he will treat his wife.

If a man disrespects and mouths off, says mean things to his mother, why would he treat his wife any different?

If he has always been babied and his mother did everything for him, will he expect his wife to continue the "mother" role?

This is not an assumption of ALL men. My H is hateful and mean to his mother. Can say a lot of hurtful things to her.. and it took a few years, but does it to me now as well. Tries to say that he's "just joking" after I get upset at him for it and say that it hurts my feelings. Then gets pouty about it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think it depends on the dynamics of the mother and son.

Hubs' mother beat him, tried to run him over with the car, cut him with a broken bottle, threatened to kill him, told him he was a piece of crap his whole life....and he never has anything bad to say about her. He avoids her, but sometimes he picks up the phone, however she only calls for money.

She's a rude betch. If I ever meet her (never met), I will scratch her eyes out. The stories i've heard...omg. She was 17 when she had him...and has mental issues but that's no excuse. The abuse he suffered at his parents' hands brings me to tears.

And even so, he's very gentle and loving. He's amazing.

How did your husband's father treat his (your husband's) mother? I think THAT has a HUUUUGE effect on how boys think of women...depending on what their father taught them by example.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with this in most cases. If a person has not learned to be respectful to their parents, they are not going to be respectful to their spouse. It's pretty basic.


Too bad his mother did not smack him down a long time ago.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Hmmm. If I mouthed off to my mother my Dad would put me on my ass......and I'm 40.


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## mrsamazing (Feb 9, 2012)

Clearly you know the answer to your question. I'm guessing this is the tip of the iceberg for you. I hope you decide not to put up with it. It doesn't get better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I think it depends on the dynamics of the mother and son.
> How did your husband's father treat his (your husband's) mother? I think THAT has a HUUUUGE effect on how boys think of women...depending on what their father taught them by example.


His father cheated on his mother, more than once. I think one was a long ongoing affair... 
His dad died when he was like 18. His mother is a very sweet person. She's hilarious and I love being around her..


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

I think there is some truth to it, however I think it depends on the situation. There are many men who were treated a certain way by their mothers and they do the opposite of how they treat their wives. For example, my husband appears to be afraid of his mother. I don't mean scared shaking in his boots, but he can't talk to her about certain things. According to him she was critical of him growing up and caught a lot of her anger towards him that she had towards his dad. However when it comes to me, he has no probably telling me a thing or two. I often wonder if the way he treats me is really how he feels sh should treat his mother. He sure has taken things out on me in the past , and I haven't done anything but be there for him.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Numb in Ohio said:


> Not sure if any of it is connected, but have heard that if you see how a man treats his mother is how he will treat his wife.


My Grandmother ALWAYS told me this over & over, she used to talk to me alot about love, being careful not to marry too quick, to play the feild before I settle down.....AND THIS.... I swear this played in my head when I met my boyfriend/now husband.... sitting back mentally observing how they interact, how he respects his mother, how he talks about her........and he passed with flying colors... 

And exactly as I was told, he treats me like a treasured gift to his life... I couldn't have a nicer man. He wouldn't do anything to hurt me. 

I agree with it -for the most part...unless the Mom is an ogre, really screwed up mentally, is controlling, is bitter etc ...(example That Girls hub's mom -that is over the top!)

But if we are talking about a loving healthy minded Mother, I feel it speaks volumes.... My sons all treat me wonderfully , and I can even be a bit brash with them at times, not as sweet as my husband's mother by a long shot.... I know they will make fine husbands... just like their dad.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Numb in Ohio said:


> Not sure if any of it is connected, but have heard that if you see how a man treats his mother is how he will treat his wife.
> 
> If a man disrespects and mouths off, says mean things to his mother, why would he treat his wife any different?
> 
> ...


I think its a bit like saying "If he acts like an a$$, then well... he is an a$$" No big secret or amazing litmus test. If he treats people badly, unfairly, disrespectfully... even he own mother... then yes.. I'd say its pretty it is much guaranteed that wll be how he treats his wife as well as everyone else whenever a confrontation comes up.

"Just Joking". Sounds like he is a coward as well. Trying to mitigate the damage and relieve himself of any responsibility after the fact when he realizes he is being a jerk. Yeah.. everyone is overreacting.. it was only a joke. Putz.

Sorry. I have very little patience for self-centered, entitled, a$$wipes who lack any kind of self control and then deflect an 'pout' when they are called on indefensible behavior. Tell him to grow up and maybe think about someone besides himself once in a while.


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## rundown (Mar 21, 2012)

Just like almost anything in life it is a case by case basis.

I haven't talked to my mother in 2 years. What is under the surface of that is, both her and my father constantly disrespected my wife and treated her two children like ****. This happened many times over a long period of time with many warnings on my part too them. I will never speak too them agian. This being said I treat my wife great and she will be the first to tell you that.

The problem with this is if I where no longer with my wife anybody who uses this generalization would look at me as unfit. The better test would be to look at how he treats all people and make your decision based off of that.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Numb in Ohio said:


> ... and it took a few years, but does it to me now as well.


Enough said.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

rundown said:


> Just like almost anything in life it is a case by case basis.
> 
> I haven't talked to my mother in 2 years. What is under the surface of that is, both her and my father constantly disrespected my wife and treated her two children like ****. This happened many times over a long period of time with many warnings on my part too them. I will never speak too them agian. This being said I treat my wife great and she will be the first to tell you that.
> 
> The problem with this is if I where no longer with my wife anybody who uses this generalization would look at me as unfit. The better test would be to look at how he treats all people and make your decision based off of that.


I disagree that anyone who used this this 'test' on you would look at you as unfit. You have a very good reason for not talking to your mother. It shows that you put your wife before your parents... which is a very good sign.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

My husband loves his mother, but is very, very conflicted about her... He wouldn't say anything mean - or positive - to her, about her. 

Before I met her in person, he was very hesitant about us meeting. He described her as "not right" explained how her personality was inconsistent - how she'd recently found God and changed.

Later I'd find emails he'd sent to his best friend, describing her far worse - overbearing, insane, crazy, etc. Words he might now use to describe me... Only he puts me down to my face.

Say anything bad about her, though, and he will come to her defense.

Personally, I like his mom. A LOT. I've found her to be extremely sweet, compassionate, open-minded, and yes, well, a devout Christian. Nothing wrong with that, if that's your thing. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I think you have to look at the whole family dynamic to see what shapes someone. And then you have to consider if they've done any personal growth work. My parents are mental cases and we are estranged but I'm the nicest person you'd want to meet. But I've made a conscious decision to NOT be like my parents. Your husband however doesn't sound like he has any awareness of his own behavior and how it's linked to how he was raised.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I wonder too, if sometimes how a man sees how his father treats his mother might be a good indication too, although maybe not always.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Yes I do think that the husband/wife relationship can mimic the son/mother relationship. I have often thought this about my now husband and previous serious relationships as well. Considering his mom is his first relationship with a woman it would make sense that it would serve as the training wheels for future interactions with the opposite sex. (FWIW, I think the same applies to women and their father/daughter relationship.) 

My MIL is a very caring person but can be very overbearing and judgmental at times. My husbands developed coping technique is to shut her out and share almost no personal details of his life with her. He rarely says more than a few words to her and never about anything beyond the superficial like the weather or news. I see that he must figure if he leaves her no information, she has nothing to judge and nothing to comment on. And this is how he now treats me - whenever I try to have a real conversation with him he shuts down and stops the conversation in its tracks. Somewhere along the way I have been lumped into the category in his brain that is dangerous to talk to and I see him employing the same defense tactics with me that he uses on his mother. Feels great... 

As a contrast my father was a very demanding and outspoken person who taught me to fight fiercely for what I want and what I believe in, and I would often have to approach him ready for a battle of the wills in order to feel that my opinion would be heard. He pushed me to stand up for myself and I learned the art of negotiation from having to do it with him. So I approach my husband, the one afraid to be judged, with fists up expecting combat and ready for the boardroom which scares him away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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