# Not sure if I should laugh or be furious



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

So I'm sitting next to my wife while she's on the laptop, and she logs into her Facebook. There, in all its unwanted glory is a message containing a picture of one of her friends/former co-worker's penis. Followed by a few sentences of "Oh ****, I meant to send this to my girlfriend, I'm so sorry". This is not a guy she has any contact with in real life, now that they no longer work together. Seems to be the majority of people's FB friends, lol! They don't even talk on FB, it seems. No other messages from him other than this one.

My wife, who only saw a tiny part of the photo, but read the ensuing messages, figures it out quickly, and asks me to check, while she looks away. Yep. Penis.

She asks me to delete it, I say no prob, and also type a nicely worded message back to him, saying this is her husband. He responds immediately with more apologies, swears up and down it was an accident.

I say, straight up "BS, I've seen this game before. ____ is pissed and disgusted and asked me to delete it. She didn't even look at it." He apologizes again, says something about how he's not "that guy" and he'd never send pictures like that to an "older married woman" (I laughed at that one. Older?!)

I promptly deleted the messages and blocked him. Done and done.

So... I'm 50/50 on whether this really was an accident or not. I mean, it COULD happen, I suppose. That said, this is not an uncommon tactic for exhibitionists and the like, and I've heard of this happening before.

Thoughts?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

alexm said:


> So I'm sitting next to my wife while she's on the laptop, and she logs into her Facebook. There, in all its unwanted glory is a message containing a picture of one of her friends/former co-worker's penis. Followed by a few sentences of "Oh ****, I meant to send this to my girlfriend, I'm so sorry". This is not a guy she has any contact with in real life, now that they no longer work together. Seems to be the majority of people's FB friends, lol! They don't even talk on FB, it seems. No other messages from him other than this one.
> 
> My wife, who only saw a tiny part of the photo, but read the ensuing messages, figures it out quickly, and asks me to check, while she looks away. Yep. Penis.
> 
> ...



First thought: disgusting 

Second thought: this is the new flirting?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

aine said:


> First thought: disgusting
> 
> Second thought: this is the new flirting?


Apparently so..

He basically admitted that he sent the picture out... it was just an accident to send it to an older lady.

WTH????


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

alexm said:


> So I'm sitting next to my wife while she's on the laptop, and she logs into her Facebook. There, in all its unwanted glory is a message containing a picture of one of her friends/former co-worker's penis. Followed by a few sentences of "Oh ****, I meant to send this to my girlfriend, I'm so sorry". This is not a guy she has any contact with in real life, now that they no longer work together. Seems to be the majority of people's FB friends, lol! They don't even talk on FB, it seems. No other messages from him other than this one.
> 
> My wife, who only saw a tiny part of the photo, but read the ensuing messages, figures it out quickly, and asks me to check, while she looks away. Yep. Penis.
> 
> ...


Well, either he was lying or he wasn't.

He's a douche either way.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You told him off. I'd leave it at that.

He's a idiot. Why waste any more energy on an idiot?


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Used to work with a guy that would swipe your phone anytime you wasn't looking and take a photo of his junk. He also liked to bomb your government email account with some of the most horrid stuff imaginable. 

He finally got his comeuppance though. During training a guy swiped his ball cap, put it in his @ss crack and took a picture. The next time he caught him wearing it, he showed him. Got a case of beer for that one.

Moral of the story. Some weird @ss people out there.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

EleGirl said:


> Apparently so..
> 
> He basically admitted that he sent the picture out... it was just an accident to send it to an older lady.
> 
> WTH????


He DID say he meant to send it to his girlfriend. Clicked the wrong person, allegedly. (they don't have the same name).

I mean, I can see how it could happen. I've messaged the wrong person before. But the fact that it was what it was makes me take pause.

I mean, it's a thing, right? "Accidentally" send a picture like that to someone, so you can get off knowing they've seen your junk? It's the internet age equivalent of the guy in the raincoat.

And Gus, I agree with you - moron either way.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

EleGirl said:


> You told him off. I'd leave it at that.
> 
> He's a idiot. Why waste any more energy on an idiot?


I'm not pursuing it any further, not to worry. I told him off good, and he's now blocked, anyway.

And fwiw, my wife didn't even see the full picture, she made me look. You could just see the bottom part of the pic when she logged in, and it didn't look like anything. But what he typed underneath made it obvious, so she asked me to look and delete it without a second thought.

I made sure to mention that she didn't even see the picture - just in case that was his whole plan with this from the start.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Apparently, I hear it's the new flirting..in this day and age of laziness, if you get my point....

I would laugh. Laughter is always better. It's more healthy.

If I tried that stunt...a magnifying glass would have to be purolated out before hand... 


Yeah....I don't follow the new generation....


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yeah...

I just set myself up for a whack of jokes about size....

For the record....my monkey sex is awesome! For about six seconds....

I really gots to find myself a girlfriend....

My left hand is getting bored of monkey sex...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I would have informed him that I just forwarded his junk to his family and friends. I also would have offered my condolences on his size. Or I would have asked him if he was up for some male attention! LOL!! &#55357;&#56840;&#55357;&#56840;&#55357;&#56840;&#55357;&#56840;&#55357;&#56840;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

ConanHub said:


> I would have informed him that I just forwarded his junk to his family and friends. I also would have offered my condolences on his size. Or I would have asked him if he was up for some male attention! LOL!! ����������
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah. There was no making fun of it, unfortunately... 

What we should have done was send the picture to his girlfriend and said something like "I think this was for you". That way she could share in the embarrassment, or, if he was doing this on purpose, she could tear a strip off him.

Either way, nobody's really answered my question: do you think this was on purpose, or an accident?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

It was only on purpose if they used to have some kind of, any kind of relatinoship years ago, and he was now sniffing around. if he truly meant to send it to his GIRLFRIEND, why send it over a Facebook message, as opposed to texting it to her? (Why send a pic at all - I assume his girlfriend has seen it). Most likely, he meant to send it to a girl with a similar name to your wife, but not his girlfriend.

To be clear, nothing nefarious going on with your wife, obviously. If she was checking in to chat with her side dish, she wouldn't log onto the computer sitting next to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

It's a crock. Because instead of adding an "oops" explanation, you could at least delete the photo first (easy to do on fb) and send an apology just in case you didn't delete it fast enough.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I think I would have had some fun.....and replied (on wifes ID)....'Ummm nice...'

.....and see where it went. Played along with it for awhile possibly even setting up a date 50 miles out of town and not showing (obviously). Something like that!
Just have a laugh at his expense!

Reminds me...

'We' are three good ex school friends. Known each other 30+ years. two of us decided to play a joke on the other (single). We set up a fake 'adult' recruitment site/email. We 'targeted' him saying we would be shooting a film in the 'x' area (which was, of course about 5 miles from where he lived!).

Slowly slowly we reeled him in....good pay for half a days work and a bonus for those 'extra' shots etc. We even managed to get him to send some 'selfies'....hahahaha!
We invited him to a a nearby hotel for an interview but explained that looks, prowess weren't everything so he would also have to perform (we knew he hadn't been laid in ages!) etc.

Day comes, the two of us are sitting in the hotel lobby behind broad sheet newspapers. He walks in looking all ready for his 'interview'....we slowly lower our papers....'Oh you plucking bastards....'!!! Gotcha!

He was furious, we were laughing!

It took him a couple months to see the funny side of it!


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I'm not sure you can delete a Facebook message, after its sent. Once it's in their inbox, it's in there, I believe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> It was only on purpose if they used to have some kind of, any kind of relatinoship years ago, and he was now sniffing around. if he truly meant to send it to his GIRLFRIEND, why send it over a Facebook message, as opposed to texting it to her? (Why send a pic at all - I assume his girlfriend has seen it). Most likely, he meant to send it to a girl with a similar name to your wife, but not his girlfriend.
> 
> To be clear, nothing nefarious going on with your wife, obviously. If she was checking in to chat with her side dish, she wouldn't log onto the computer sitting next to you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh yeah, totally not thinking anything bad about my wife - not at all. She made ME delete the message, she didn't want to see the picture. I had to suffer through it...

The guy didn't do it blatantly on purpose, like "here's my d***, what do you think?" It was picture, then 3 separate messages apologizing, please delete it, meant for my gf, so embarrassing, etc. But for whatever reason (gut?) my first thought was "yeah right". This "accidental" exhibitionism is a thing, we've even seen it a little here on TAM. For whatever reason, some people seem to get off on others seeing their junk, and they think it's all good as long as they say "oops, wasn't meant for you".

I thought the exact same thing about the FB vs text. But I guess cell phones are a little less private, or easier for others around you to see?

I admit, though, that this has triggered me a little bit. Afaik my wife never had any sort of relationship with this guy - although she'd never have had reason to tell me, and I'm certainly not going to ask NOW. But if any of you know the old story about how my wife used to get flirty with her male co-workers (boundary issues) - he was one of them.

It's worth mentioning, too, that there were no other messages from/to this guy in her facebook. (remember, she made me delete the message, so I was able to see - wasn't snooping). It didn't appear that there has been any contact between the two of them, ever, at least on FB. That doesn't mean previous messages haven't been deleted, of course. My wife is one of those people who just doesn't delete any messages in her FB. Her inbox goes back to 2008 or so. That said, I know her password (and her mine), and we're often on FB with the other sitting right next to us. So I'm not concerned about that kind of thing.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I'm not sure you can delete a Facebook message, after its sent. Once it's in their inbox, it's in there, I believe.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, it can be deleted, at least from the recipients side of things. (I just checked, actually, and it's gone, with no apparent way to recover it).

FB is tricky like that. For example, I have some old (like 2007, 2008) messages in my inbox that were from people I'm no longer FB friends with. Because they're no longer on my friends list, their messages don't show up, but mine do, because I never deleted them myself. If they never deleted the messages on their side of things, they have their side of the conversation in their inbox.

Basically, both people have to go to their inbox and delete the messages separately, I believe. I imagine the whole conversation (or at least his side of it) is still in his inbox, until he deletes it.

What you're talking about, I believe, is if you unfriend someone and then block them (or they block you). Then all trace of them disappears, leaving only one side of the convo. If you don't block them, and only unfriend them, then the messages will remain, but how they appear depends on how that person set up their privacy. It could still have their name and picture, or if they're set to private, it'll say something like "facebook user".

If they're blocked or vice versa, then the convo disappears, from one side, anyway.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

askari said:


> I think I would have had some fun.....and replied (on wifes ID)....'Ummm nice...'
> 
> .....and see where it went. Played along with it for awhile possibly even setting up a date 50 miles out of town and not showing (obviously). Something like that!
> Just have a laugh at his expense!


Might have been funny, but my wife was not pleased with any of this, so I don't think she'd at all have been happy if I strung the guy along using her name, without her knowledge.

And I don't think I'd want this guy even thinking my wife was interested, even for a second, fake or not.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

SunnyT said:


> It's a crock. Because instead of adding an "oops" explanation, you could at least delete the photo first (easy to do on fb) and send an apology just in case you didn't delete it fast enough.


Are you sure you can do that, from within the messages? I know you can delete things you post on somebody's wall, obviously. But this was through the private messaging on FB. I'll have to test this out, but afaik, once you send a message, it's there and can't be modified. Like I said in the above reply, you can delete messages from your side of things, but I think the recipient has to delete it from their side, too. Going to go check...

*ETA - I had sent a picture to my step son the other day, so I tested this theory, and as I thought, it doesn't work. I deleted the photo from my end of things and verified. The photo no longer showed up in my conversation with him. I then logged in to his FB, checked the conversation, and the photo was still there on his side.

FB is kind of stupid that way, I find. It really does appear that once you send something to somebody in a message, it's there until THEY delete it. I suspect FB does that on purpose for some reason (ie. being able to prove threatening or harassing messages. The recipient has full control over what they receive, so somebody can't send a message that says they're going to kill them, then simply delete all traces of it).


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

alexm said:


> She asks me to delete it, I say no prob, *and also type a nicely worded message back to him, saying this is her husband.* He responds immediately with more apologies, swears up and down it was an accident.


This made me laugh. :rofl:

Good on you.

He was probably like, WTF! Hopefully that will teach him to keep his peter in his pants. 

Idk what the hell it is with the epidemic of dlck pics now. Seriously, unsolicited so much now and it's just plain gross to me. Who wants to send pictures of their genitals to others in the digital world where NOTHING is lost forever. 

I have a male friend of a friend who sent me pictures of his, fully erect one day. I guess he thought it was funny. I wrote back "WTF, man. Totally inappropriate." He was embarrassed (I hope) and apologized saying it was a joke. How is sending a picture of your genitals a JOKE? Nonetheless he never talked to me again.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Sorry should have quoted SunnyT

i don't think a user can recall a Facebook message that was sent to another user. You can delete it on your end but it will still be in the recipient mailbox. Once it is sent, it is sent. Could be wrong though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## earlyforties (May 3, 2012)

You could've manipulated/photoshopped the image and reduced his 'size' by half or quarter re-sent it back more publicly so his friends and family would see it, 'in error' of course saying 'no worries, it's an easy mistake to make. I think it's good that you have no hang ups about having such a small ****'.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Personally I would have told the guy I have seen more meat on the end of a fish hook. Then told him off with a fat DELETE when completed.


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## octaviaa (Mar 3, 2015)

This is exactly why I do not like facebook. Too many people are in your life, regardless if you realize it or not. At first it was a good way to get in touch with people you had not seen, and to see what was going on their lives. Over time it took on a sickness, people's morals have gone down the tubes, or they have become desperate for attention. In all actuality Facebook does not belong in a marriage - if the friends you have on there aren't supportive additions to your marriage and life, they don't belong as a friend. If you don't have them to dinner plus have a good solid friendship with them, they don't belong in your life. Prior to Facebook, people had real, deep friendships, and they shared their lives with people who supported them. 


It was no accident. You don't accidentally send a pic via facebook messaging.There's no way your wife's name is exactly his girlfriends name, and has a profile pic exactly like your wife's. He got caught by you, and lied. Plain and simple.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

octaviaa said:


> This is exactly why I do not like facebook. Too many people are in your life, regardless if you realize it or not. At first it was a good way to get in touch with people you had not seen, and to see what was going on their lives. Over time it took on a sickness, people's morals have gone down the tubes, or they have become desperate for attention. In all actuality Facebook does not belong in a marriage - if the friends you have on there aren't supportive additions to your marriage and life, they don't belong as a friend. If you don't have them to dinner plus have a good solid friendship with them, they don't belong in your life. Prior to Facebook, people had real, deep friendships, and they shared their lives with people who supported them.
> 
> 
> It was no accident. You don't accidentally send a pic via facebook messaging.There's no way your wife's name is exactly his girlfriends name, and has a profile pic exactly like your wife's. He got caught by you, and lied. Plain and simple.


I feel much the same way about FB, yet I do also see the value it has, as well. I do keep in touch with many people I WANT to keep in touch with, who otherwise I'm not able to in real life (different cities, countries, continents, etc.) Yes there are phones and email, but FB is much more comprehensive and can be accessed when you want, and people can choose to show others what THEY want.

Where I DO agree with what FB has become, is that 80% of most of our friends list is comprised of people we don't really talk to, co-workers (who we see at work anyway!?!?), former co-workers, our best friends in grade 5, etc. It's all really silly.

But yes, we all (especially women, it seems) need to pick and choose much more carefully whom they allow to see their private lives.

This is not the first inappropriate (for a marriage, at least) thing somebody has said or done to my wife on FB. It's definitely the first d*** pic, though.

Upon sleeping on it overnight, I actually decided to contact his girlfriend and let her know what's up. I told her her boyfriend said it was an accident, but thought she should know anyway, and that it really doesn't matter to my wife or I if it was accidental or not.

Bottom line, his girlfriend can decide if he's just a moron or a pervert. Either way, he horrendously invaded somebody else's privacy, accidental or not.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

> Bottom line, his girlfriend can decide if he's just a moron or a pervert. Either way, he horrendously invaded somebody else's privacy, accidental or not.


Exactly. And take it further...say your child was standing there as the FB page was opened? What has been seen can not be unseen.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Yeswecan said:


> Exactly. And take it further...say your child was standing there as the FB page was opened? What has been seen can not be unseen.


Yeah, that thought crossed my mind.

But in the grand scheme of things, if it WAS an honest to goodness (but stupid) mistake, I don't want to make things worse for the guy. I prefer to think the best of people, yet play it cautious when necessary.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Play it cautious and hold onto that in a file or somewhere. Then, if you are wondering, you can put things together and make your statement and protect yourself. I think you are correct in your assumption(did I use that word?), but time will tell.(and some careful vigilance)
It likely was a mistake and I appreciate you posting about this guy and how you handled it. Thank you.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Did you actually start another thread? You are worse than me at keeping things consolidated, dude.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

farsidejunky said:


> Did you actually start another thread? You are worse than me at keeping things consolidated, dude.


What?


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Oh, a couple of you mentioned I should have made a less-than-nice comment about his... picture. THAT wasn't going to happen. I'm a guy, who likes women, but that dudes girlfriend is lucky, lol!

Also, I haven't got a response to my message to his girlfriend, so either she's as embarrassed as he should be, or she's po'd!


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

I'd be airing on the side of him sending it on purpose and playing it off like an accident. 

You did the right thing by blocking him. 

Why send a **** picture thru facebook anyway? Why not just send it via text? 

Shady.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I would have laughed my ass clean off, played along until his intentions were clear, called him out and waited for him to delete my wife.

This stuff is comedic gold.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

alexm said:


> Yeah. There was no making fun of it, unfortunately...
> 
> What we should have done was send the picture to his girlfriend and said something like "I think this was for you". That way she could share in the embarrassment, or, if he was doing this on purpose, she could tear a strip off him.
> 
> Either way, nobody's really answered my question: do you think this was on purpose, or an accident?


No way to tell. If this man isn't known to your "older woman", then it is probably an accident. Otherwise, who knows?


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I am hardly on FB anymore so I don't even know if it could have been an accident, but I would think not. 

An ex of my H said she "accidentally" butt dialed him. They had not dated in 5 years and it's a little hard to butt dial with a smart phone these days. Especially when my H's name would be at the bottom of your contact list. But she messaged him on FB thereafter saying she was sorry (trying to get a conversation going).

So, I wouldn't believe that it was an accident.

However, I think you handled it well.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

id send a pic from the internet of a twelve incher and "mines better"


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Fishing with big bait!

Just like women wearing low cut tops. He was advertising! Bet he gets some hits also.

Goes like this send out the c0ck picture when someone responds apologize and hope for some small talk that turns into flirting!
Which turns into I always thought you were so pretty,cute smart funny.would you like to get a cup of coffee!

Might only work sometimes but it works more than you think it would!


The bad boy!!! Don't bored neglected wives fall for this ****. And don't there husbands who neglected their wives deserve it!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

He totally did it on purpose. Good on your wife for calling him out and letting you deal with this loser!

I got an unsolicited penis pic on FB a month or so ago. It was from a complete stranger, though. If someone I knew did that, I would flip out on him and make him feel like the complete douche bag he is. Women do not like those pics. At least not class women. I wonder when men will get that into their heads. The heads on top of their necks I mean.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I think more gals like pee-pee pics than you might suspect.

Alex, I still think my explanation was most feasible. (Cuz I'm so smart 

He meant to send that pic to someone that wasn't his girlfriend, but probably not your wife, probably some hoochie-momma with a similar name to your wife (think Anna vs Angela). He typed the name too quick and your wife's name loaded.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FatherofTwo (Dec 6, 2014)

This happened to my wife once and I didn't make a big deal out of it since the jerk who sent it is across the country. My wife's also a registered nurse so she's seen her fair share of penises while at work though not at that state ?? 

A few seconds after all this our two little boys came running into our rooms and jumped on us laughing ....... we thus enjoyed the rest of our evening and life moved on


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

alexm said:


> What?


This is me giving you sh!t for starting another thread after Turnera just busted your stones for it.

It was meant to rib you a bit. 

Lighten up, Francis.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I think more gals like pee-pee pics than you might suspect.
> 
> Alex, I still think my explanation was most feasible. (Cuz I'm so smart
> 
> ...


You may be right about that, but I'm still leaning towards him sending to her, specifically, on purpose.

My very first inclination with anything like this, is to try and judge whether it's actually possible in the first place (it is), and/or how difficult it would be to do accidentally.

Without over thinking this too much (seriously, I haven't!) I determined that yes, it is possible, however it would not be an easy feat to do accidentally.

When you consider all the facts involved, it's difficult to believe it wasn't accidentally-on-purpose.

- it's a penis pic, which is something I would imagine you take extra steps to ensure you are not sending to former co-workers, your mother, your 15 year old cousin, etc. If this were me sending this pic to my wife, I would make DAMN sure I triple-checked the recipient, that I didn't cc: somebody else, that I wasn't accidentally posting it to my wall, etc etc etc.

- It was through FB, not text, which seems rather unnecessary, as some others here have mentioned. People do access FB at work on occasion, or otherwise on a large screen, which is not easy to hide from people who are around. People don't generally check their text messages with somebody looking over their shoulder.

- This pic was sent to my wife, an attractive woman, whom this guy used to work with, which proves nothing of course, but the recipient just seems too perfect. Former co-worker, female, attractive, flirty, etc. Not to mention, they don't hang out in the same circles any more, therefore the potential of running into each other, or her telling anybody they both know, is slim. In other words: perfect target.

- The picture was just his junk, nothing to identify him with. Nothing my wife (or I) could send to all his friends or co-workers that he couldn't deny wasn't him.

- His response to me, when I typed back to him seemed a little over the top, referring to how he would "never send a picture like this to an older married woman". Like the fact that she's older (!!!) or married somehow proves it's an accident. Maybe it's just me, but if I was in his shoes, those two things would be irrelevant in my defense/apology.

- That doing this is not unheard of. I've heard of this happening, with "apology" included and everything. It's no secret this is a thing that people do, because there's plausible deniability. "OMG, that was meant for someone else, I'm soooo embarrassed, please delete this asap!".

And the worst thing about this that makes me think it wasn't an accident has to do with my wife, unfortunately, but that's the reality of it. I can't imagine anybody would do something like this on purpose, to a person they don't think they have a slight chance of them being receptive to it. My wife, years ago, did not have the greatest boundaries at work, and being the only woman there, wasn't unreceptive to mild innuendo and flirting. Harmless stuff, really, but she didn't come across as cold and unapproachable to the men she worked with. She often referred to her co-workers as "her guys", and was open to mild flirtation, which made her appear as though she was open. For her part, though, when the odd guy pushed the envelope too far, or crossed the line, she responded negatively.

Unfortunately, this adds to the "proof" that this was no accident, as this guy hasn't worked with her for several years now, and perhaps remembers her as being the type of woman who might possibly be receptive to something like this. As in, "he has a chance" that this won't backfire on him, or he may even get lucky.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I think you're overthinking this.

Even if he sent it on-purpose-by-accident he might just be an exhibitionist. It's possible he does this regularly and has sent the same pic to lots of different people.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

jaquen said:


> I think you're overthinking this.
> 
> Even if he sent it on-purpose-by-accident he might just be an exhibitionist. It's possible he does this regularly and has sent the same pic to lots of different people.


Yeah, but that doesn't make me feel any better!

As for over-thinking it, I disagree, somewhat. Yes, I'm a little caught up in this, but for good reason. There's a lot of solid advice on TAM about mate-guarding, and "how would you handle this or that?", and I believe this is one of those scenarios. I totally believe I handled it as well as I could, and I hope this guy is AT LEAST embarrassed to all hell, if not in some serious trouble with his girlfriend (as he should be, accident or not).

If it was on purpose, which I obviously lean towards, as do a few others here, then this was a violation of the worst kind. For my wife, obviously, but also for me. There's a huge difference between this type of thing happening by a stranger than an acquaintance/former co-worker. If it was a stranger, then we could sit here and say "that's gross" and move on. Because it's somebody my wife knows (knew) and they have mutual friends and acquaintances, it makes it "real", so to speak. The odds that we together will ever bump into him are slim. However that possibility does exist for her alone, as it's not a big industry that they work in.

I do have concerns, and rightfully so, about the character of somebody who could/would do something like this. If it indeed was on purpose, then he's obviously capable of seriously crossing lines, and clearly doesn't think very highly of my wife (if not women altogether) and probably thinks too highly of himself, for that matter. That's a dangerous combination to have, for anybody, let alone a man.

The reason most people, myself included, don't do this sort of thing is so so basic: I can't imagine having such little respect for another person, especially a woman, nor thinking so highly of myself that I make the assumption said person would want to see my d***, unsolicited. As in, my d*** is so nice, women will want to sleep with me just by seeing it, because women (or this woman in particular) are all like that. That scares me.

The thing is, I'm probably a little more sheltered than most. I'm not naive, and I know there are some strange people out there, including those that do things like this, but it's still shocking when it happens to you, if that makes sense. I've heard of this type of thing happening to others, and although disgusted, it's easy enough to just shrug it off as people being... gross.

I don't know... to me, it's definitely sexual harassment, and that's kind of the sticking point about this for me. My wife doesn't show her emotions that well, and I know it bothered her and she didn't want to see it (she didn't actually see the picture, she turned away before the whole thing was visible and made me delete it.)

To be fair, I barely mentioned it to her. I was obviously furious at the time and she knew that, but I didn't really address it with her until the next day, when I simply stated that I had a hunch it wasn't an accident. She basically said "who knows" and went about whatever she was doing.

I admit that it bothers me slightly that she didn't get a little more upset and/or addressed any of it with me, but I suppose it's more than a little awkward for her, despite her having nothing to do with it. Personally, I would be embarrassed if a female FB acquaintance of mine did something similar and my wife saw it. I would be embarrassed in front of my wife who would likely be wondering about my friend selection abilities and/or the character of the people I know.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I think you handled it fine. I wouldn't give it anymore thought if you your wife never gave you a reason to question her loyalty. Just chalk it up to dudes being horny.

You cut it off (forgive the pun) and he would never even dare to try again if it was on purpose.

Well done.


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## RespectWalk (Mar 16, 2015)

C'mon brother, you're a dude. You know it wasn't an accident. What you have to do is figure out if this was a first-time thing or if some sh*t is going on behind your back.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

RespectWalk said:


> C'mon brother, you're a dude. You know it wasn't an accident. What you have to do is figure out if this was a first-time thing or if some sh*t is going on behind your back.


Nah man, nothing going on. A whole host of reasons I say that, which I won't get into.

But yeah, I'm a dude, and I know this was on purpose. But my wife had nothing to do with it, I'm 100% certain of that.


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