# I'm so dang weak.



## Sunshine33 (Aug 4, 2012)

A week ago my husband told me he didn't know if he wanted to be married anymore. He pretty much said anything and everything to tear apart our entire relationship, both past and future. I was blindsided, shocked, hurt, devastated.. You name it. I cried, begged, pleaded, threw out anything I could think of and all the things we could do and I could do to save our marriage. He told me he needed to do some "soul searching" and figure out what he wants. But agreed to counseling. 

He is in the Marines and we live on base, we have one car and it is his. He bought it with OUR savings after arriving here, and before I got here. It's in his name, I'm not even on the insurance. I am 3000miles away from any friends and family. They are coming here in 4 weeks and already bought their tickets.

Recap of this week.. He went out Friday night until 4 am with his single friends.. Saturday he stayed out until 3 only because I texted him at 230 saying I couldn't do this anymore. He came home and didn't say a word. Sunday he said he was staying in the barracks (dorm rooms for single Marines) but came home at 2am saying he couldn't sleep and wanted a snack and the guys had been drinking to get drunk. Monday.. He says he isn't going to the barracks anymore, instead I make dinner and he waits until after I ate to eat dinner. Watches me eat alone. Doesn't say anything to me the whole night and then goes to bed. Tuesday he reads my journal and I wrote that if he doesn't know if he wants to be married, he shouldn't live with me in our home he should go to the barracks. So he decides he is going, but says he can't get a room and comes home at 11pm reeking like liquor, holding back tears, telling me he just wants a hug and then goes to bed...

And then last night happened. He left at 7 saying he was going out with is co-worker (male) for his last night out at chili's. He NEVER came home, didn't call, didn't text, nothing. Just never came back. So of course, the pathetic person that I am, I stayed up all night. He came home at 6 to get ready for work and I just lost it. Crying, asking WTF.. He said he didn't think staying out and not letting me know was disrespectful to me.. That I could have called or texted him to find out where he was if I wanted to know so bad.. And that because I wrote I wanted him to stay at the barracks, that is what he did and said he didn't think I cared. 

My heart is literally breaking. Mid freak out, I asked him if he wanted to be married and work on this or if he wanted a divorce. And he said about 10 times he didn't want to do this right now. But the uncertainty and unknowing is killing me.. Killing me. So finally he said "fine, I don't know but that is why I'm going to counseling but if you want an answer right now then fine yea I do." which obviously made me cry hysterically and look so pathetic. I am trying so hard to be strong but I just feel so bad. So heartbroken. 

How can I let him know I care about him while being strong for myself?? I just want this to stop so badly. I am in my own worst nightmare. 

sorry for the long post I am just so devastated, feeling hopeless, and Feeling so f'n alone.


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## Archon (Jul 13, 2012)

Sunshine, I truly feel for you. It must be very difficult to live completely away from family and friends and now have all these doubts and worries. What might help us is if you could shed any light on why he told you he wanted a divorce at the time he did so. What was the state of your relationship up to that point?

He shows big signs that he needs help (Individual Counseling at the least). The fact that he's drinking every night and staying out might be his way of pushing you to leave, making the decision for him.


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## Sunshine33 (Aug 4, 2012)

It wasn't bad but it wasn't the most amazing thing either. We had happy moments and argued about things like me not working and him giving me a hard time about using the car when I had to. But being home, I took care of everything here. Laundry, meals, grocery shopping, I packed our stuff for our move out here, unpacked, and then when he wanted to move to a different house I re-packed and moved everything except the big furniture by myself. And unpacked everything myself too. I am just beside myself.


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## Sunshine33 (Aug 4, 2012)

The sad thing is, I'm a few weeks away from receiving 30k from a car accident and then this arguing about the car and me having no transportation will be over.


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