# So much pressure on a new marriage...



## trucked (Aug 11, 2010)

OK So my situation may be a little "strange" here, but I'll try to explain it as best I can and I hope someone can give me a little advice.

I'm 27, my wife is the same age. We just married last month. We haven't been together for that long (a year), but we have been good friends for a lot longer than that. I wouldn't have thought to get married so soon, but life has its ways of changing plans.

Anyway we're from Canada, and we want to move to the United States. In fact, I have found a company down there who will sponsor me. She wants to go to law school down there, and is working on her LSAT for October as well as preparing applications, etc.

Before we got married she quit her job to work on studying, applications, and all that... I'm fine with that. I said I would do what I can to make sure she's comfortable. I don't make a lot of money, but I do OK. Enough to support two people, anyway.

So fast forward to now, I have told her before that I want to work some contract hours (as a programmer, I can do this and make a good chunk of change for a relatively low number of hours) - she initially fought with me about it but eventually her dad convinced her that if I need to work then I need to work. I had a couple of contracts lined up but then they got pushed back several weeks and she's now getting angry with me because she feels she has to put her lifestyle on hold and I'm "not making any sacrifices". Remember, she was working before we got married and I said I would do what I can so she can study and be comfortable.

Anyway these are circumstances outside my control; I had a reasonable expectation for doing these contracts this month but in both cases some legal stuff came up and now they've been pushed back. In the mean time I'm going to look at some shorter term contracts to try and make some more money quicker.

But I'm not sure really what to do... I feel like the whole thing is a big mistake doing so much at one time. Getting married, working on law school, going to a new country.... I am just starting to feel overwhelmed and lost because even though I'm the one working and I'm trying to work with the company in the U.S. to get us there and I'm trying to find contracts to make a little extra money she insists I'm not doing anything....

Edit: I should add that I really love my wife more than anything and I just want to make her happy and start a life with her...but this whole ordeal feels like it's putting too much pressure on both of us.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Just so I am clear, she quit her job to study for the LSAT's and applying to law schools here in the States. You are trying to find the best paying contract job that will sponsor you two to move. You feel overwhelmed by the thought of moving to a new country with a new wife and tremendous resposibility as the sole provider for you two and yet she says that she doesn't feel like you are making any sacrifices?!?! 
First off, does she have ANY idea how much law school costs in this country? Even the "cheap schools" cost upwards of $20,000a year and she will have 3 years of schooling. The best schools cost upwards of $35,000 to $45,000 a year and NONE of this includes books, "technology fees" and just about every other fee you could think of.
If you are willing and actively trying to get the best paying job in this country to help support her in her dream......how in the WORLD does she not think you are sacrificing? :scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Get a piece of notebook paper, draw a verticle line down the middle.

Write your name on left, hers on the right.

List an estimate of the time each of you spend working at a job, studying, doing housework---AND leisure time.

Don't quibble about the exact number of minutes. Just hours. Round down on leisure time, round up on work done.

Add up each category.

If I were to venture a guess, the time spent on leisure time will NOT be equivalent and she will not like this exercise.

In your wife's mind the time you spend working doesn't count as a sacrifice. Her dad gets it, he doesn't want to pay for her law schooling!


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

It sounds like money is running out or already has. Am I right to think money is behind the frustration? It doesn't sound like she deals well with disappointment, but I don't know if she expects you to draw blood from a rock. I think you both are overwhelmed, and she is taking her frustration out on you. I understand the plan and that going to law school will benefit you both in the future, but she is not contributing to the situation right now except to make it worse. She just wants to go along with her end of the plan while you jump through hoops to stay afloat.


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