# Am i being selfish?



## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

My wife works 40-50 hours a week as an Engineer and recently she decided she wants to teach class part time at a school, about 10 hours of time commitment. We dont need the extra money in fact she will probably make less because she will have to cut back on her hours at her fulltime job, which pays many times more than a teaching position. Her reason for wanting to take the part time job is because she thinks it will be fun.

She is already stressed out working 40-50 hrs at her job i dont know how she will be able to handle another 10+ hours of another job.

She got mad at me when I said i dont think its fair that she spends that much time at work and when she does come home she just falls alseep on the couch. I work a fulltime job too and i already make dinner every night, do dishes, laundry, take care of the dog, etc... 


Am i being selfish wanting her to work less hours and help out more around the house?


----------



## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

Not overly selfish. Wanting more help around the house is not selfish. You said she probably has to cut back on her FT job to accommodate the teaching. So will she really be working that much more? Or is this about the money?

You said she is stressed at work and that she thinks the teaching will be fun. So that sounds good for her.


----------



## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

pb76no said:


> Not overly selfish. Wanting more help around the house is not selfish. You said she probably has to cut back on her FT job to accommodate the teaching. So will she really be working that much more? Or is this about the money?
> 
> You said she is stressed at work and that she thinks the teaching will be fun. So that sounds good for her.


Our combined income is six figures so im not concerned about the money, for me free time is more valuable.

She will probably go from 45 hrs at her current job to 40, so she would only be working maybe 5 more hours total per week. I just feel like thats a hour or more ever day i have to cover for her household chores and i basically have no free time as is.

I want to support her decision to take the extra job but at the same time im frustrated because i dont want to give up my free time for her to take a job she doesnt NEED.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Why does she want to teach? I work a lot too (one full time and one part time job) but I'd really love to teach college part-time. In my case, I'll be retiring from the PD and the Army in about eight years. My goal is to have a part-time job teaching so I don't collect dust around the house. Studying and learning is fun for me and a teaching job would force me to do both. I don't want to grow old and only have Wheel of Fortune to talk about.
I guess before anyone could know if her idea is a good one, they'd have to understand why she wants to do it. In the long run, it might turn out to be beneficial to you both. In her case, she probably misses academics, too. She's an engineer, so she's spent a lot of time in school. Maybe if she could explain what "fun" means to her in this case.


----------



## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

Toshiba2020 said:


> Our combined income is six figures so im not concerned about the money, for me free time is more valuable.
> 
> She will probably go from 45 hrs at her current job to 40, so she would only be working maybe 5 more hours total per week. I just feel like thats a hour or more ever day i have to cover for her household chores and i basically have no free time as is.
> 
> I want to support her decision to take the extra job but at the same time im frustrated because i dont want to give up my free time for her to take a job she doesnt NEED.


I think you are justified in expecting more help & more of her time. I might be reading between the lines, but sounds like there is an imbalance in the household responsibilities to start with. And this is just another straw so to speak. Obviously you are not happy with the status quo and she should be willing to work with you on that.


----------



## hbgirl (Feb 15, 2011)

It might not be that you want more of her time and help but HOW you told her, tone of voice, time of day, etc. It's not selfish to want help from your spouse.


----------

