# Lonely and Depressed



## frightenedofmarriage (Dec 6, 2009)

This is one of my first threads and my first as a married woman (been married about 3 months).

My husband spends no time with me. He sleeps, eats and hides in his office at his computer. We hardly share the same bed. We live in two different time zones.

It wasn't like this before- he used to make an effort. Then I lost my job and he had to work extra hours to pay the bills while I look for work (unemployment in my town is over 16%). He won't do any chores, not even the lawns. He can't even carry his own dishes to the sink, just leaves them on the table.

My clinical depression is getting out of control and I have been seeing a specialist- but the pills aren't doing much good. The specialist says they may take a month to work.

Meanwhile, I'm alone all day in a cold house (different hemisphere to the USA) trying to hold it together. I love him and miss him terribly and all he does is hide. I've told him I'm lonely and bored and he just runs away to his computer. He insists he loves me but he won't spend more than 2 minutes with me at any one time.

I'm depressed, I think he is. Is there anything I can do? I am sick of going to bed alone and waking up as he gets up to go to work.

I'm heartbroken.


----------



## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

I am not sure I am the best to give advice but here goes:

How many hours a day is he working? If he's paying the bills by sitting behind the computer all day then he really has no choice. He does have a choice to sleep with you, tell you he loves you and you should let him know that you need that just as much as you need the money to pay the bills, maybe more. Tell him and see how he reacts. Let him know.


----------



## OrangeDawn (Jun 15, 2010)

Frightened of marriage, I am new here too. Nice to "meet" you.  I am sorry for what you are going through. I am newly wed too, and I know how scary marriage can be.


----------



## marga88 (Jun 17, 2010)

Your husband is obviously a workaholic. He would always spend time working and can never do anything without it. This is a hard thing to live with, but your husband maybe just thinking to completely satisfy your financial needs and not the whole family. Which he is not really aware of. So, taking the first step to him realize that you are married that he's got responsibilities with you aside from providing financial support. If you can invite him for a short vacation and have the chance to talk with him heart to heart about your feelings he would probably understand. Or just a family outing will make a difference with his day. Let him realize that he is not alone. Let him see his real world, let him see that you are family. Let him know that you need him and that's the reason why you marry him. The best way to know about his feeling would be through him. Find a way to be able to lay down all these on the table and talk about it.


----------



## frightenedofmarriage (Dec 6, 2009)

My husband works 9 hours a day in a trade. His main hobby is computer design and he gets very 'into' the art he makes. He enters competitions and wins prizes. I'm proud of him for his achievements, I get left out when he's competing- and that is most of the time. He didn't take this hobby seriously until after we got engaged and the wedding plans were in full swing.

The issue is that he's not 'there'. I am trying to talk to him about it and it is getting a bit better- but then when he talks to me it's only about what he is doing. He is so immersed in himself that he doesn't think about much else.


----------

