# Marital Separation & Loneliness



## maemayon (Mar 10, 2010)

Me and the kids will be moving in with my dad in a couple of months during my separation from my husband. I've written on here before about being in contact with an ex-bf but that's tangential really.

How do you deal with loneliness, anger of being stupid enough to marry the guy even though you had misgivings, frustration over being 36 and not knowing if you'll ever find love again.

I feel old, washed up, broken, stupid, ugly, sad, frustrated, angry, hurt...


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

The loneliness sucks - but I think other people here have encouraged me to look at it as "time to myself." You get to do what YOU want to do.

And I don't think people are washed up and finished at age 36. I'm 38 and I don't feel that way. I'm surprised at how many people our age - who have been married 10 or 15 years - find themselves single again. I'll be honest - I'm still hoping things work out in my case and don't "want" to be single, but I also feel like I'm young enough to find something again if we don't get back together.


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## larniegrl (Oct 7, 2009)

I've gone through the stages of grief...over and over again. Sometimes, I think I've made it through and then I look around and say "Gosh, I'm depressed again." Most days are better than others. You have to find an outlet that gets you out of bed in the morning, and something that keeps you grounded during the anger. 

1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse, no crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss. 

2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce. 

3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back. 

4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal. 

5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. 

I tend to go through it over and over again. It does get better with space and time, but don't expect to be able to bounce back into another relationship. Take time to heal, time for yourself and your family.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I know this will come off sounding like I'm making a joke, but I'm not.

I feel like I've had a real moment in each of those stages in just the last two days.


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