# Why can't I move on?



## Almostthere (Oct 31, 2010)

Hi
Will try to keep this brief, my H had an emotional affair that he ended 3 years ago, it was for 2 years with a friend of mine who was also his best friends wife, however due to social reasons he stayed in contact with this woman. I did not. Six months ago due to reasons that had nothing to do with me or the affair he cut all contact with her.(She did something that offended him.)
This still causes me alot of pain and grief and I can't help but feel that he chose her over me when deciding to remain in contact with her. She was aware of the pain and grief her actions caused me and they were both aware that I wanted him to have no contact at all.
I cant understand why this all still bothers me when he finally has cut her off, except that it peeves me that he cut her off for reasons other than the affair.Should I just be happy and move on?
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Advice would be appreciated.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Get thee to marriage counseling. You are not ready to forgive him yet.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Almostthere, 

I say just count your blessings, you don't know for sure, maybe he just realized who and what kind of person she really is......
I think anyone that has had a spouse will always have some level of doubt and hurt........
My therapist says that I should stop trying to solve problems that aren't solvable, I spend time trying to make sense of what happened for what reasons, he said it is pointless and a waste of my life........You can't make sense of someone else's decisions...
If you truly want to be happy and not carry this burden around with you the rest of your life you have to move on and know that he is with you and that is what he CHOSE to do..........this is the only thing that should make sense to you........I say forget about her and start being happy with your husband.........life isn't perfect but you can make it as good as you can for yourself.............but that's your decision........and that makes sense for you........


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## moeman (Aug 12, 2010)

I'm in the same exact situation with the exception of my wife having the EA and some difference in timings that you mention in your post. I, too, cannot get over it although all of my three therapist so far have suggested that I do so. It's a normal feeling and I believe it must be that we somehow love our mate otherwise we wouldn't have cared. I am hoping that time will resolve the issue. For me it has been only four months.

all the best,
M.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Almostthere said:


> Hi
> Will try to keep this brief, my H had an emotional affair that he ended 3 years ago, it was for 2 years with a friend of mine who was also his best friends wife, however due to social reasons he stayed in contact with this woman. I did not. Six months ago due to reasons that had nothing to do with me or the affair he cut all contact with her.(She did something that offended him.)
> This still causes me alot of pain and grief and I can't help but feel that he chose her over me when deciding to remain in contact with her. She was aware of the pain and grief her actions caused me and they were both aware that I wanted him to have no contact at all.
> I cant understand why this all still bothers me when he finally has cut her off, except that it peeves me that he cut her off for reasons other than the affair.Should I just be happy and move on?
> Has anyone been in a similar situation? Advice would be appreciated.


You don't have to compare yourself with her. Why down grade yoursel? She was just a woman he didn't really care. He didn't choose her over you, otherwise he would have divorced you. Sometimes men wanted cut contact but the women didn't want to draw a clear line with men.


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

Apology accepted on the other thread. 

I used to have a dream/nightmare that my wife was having sex with someone else and I would yell at her to stop and she would ignore me, then afterwards she would not see what the big deal was. Indifference to your pain is what hurts so much. 

Talk to him about it and do some counselling.


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## Almostthere (Oct 31, 2010)

Thanks all for replies, was having a really crap day of it yesterday, funny after all this time there are still days when it becomes overwhelming. Other days everything is back to normal.
Hey Moeman am so sorry to hear that you are going through something similar. Good luck.


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