# Divorce?..?



## KEH (Apr 21, 2010)

Ok so my husband and i will have been married for two years in july... that is if we make it that far... Im so ready to just give up and walk away, at the same time I know that i love my husband and I truly do want things to work out between the two of us. Not to mention we have a one year old son together.
We met three years ago and totally hit it off... We had almost everything in comon... or so i thought, and we had an instant attraction to one another. Little did i know that he was actually putting up a front to make me like him... turned out he is actually nothing like he pretended to be to get me to fall for him. It was six months into our relationship and I had decided that he wasnt good for me and that i needed to end the relationship... but then I found out i was pregnant. Now i'm stuck in a dilema... To make a long story short we both decided to get married and to do it before the baby was born. I had told myself that it was for the better for the baby and i really did like him a lot so i decided to make it work. I was four months pregnant the first time i caught him looking at pornography. I just walked in on him and it was on the tv. I was completely startled and didnt know what to say. so i just went back to bed and didnt say anything... didnt sleep all night!... The next day all i could do was cry and finally i said something to him about it and he completely denied it! So not only is he betraying me but he is also lying straight to my face. Well i pondered on it for a while and told myself that maybe he really was just flipping through the channels so the next month i married him anyway. Well about two months after we married, i found the password to his myspace... Turns out ALL he was talking to was girls, girls, and more girls. Then i found a message where he had invited a girl to come hang out at his best friends apartment with him... mind you he didnt have a job at the time and i did. Well i confronted him about it and he said that they had been friends since middle school and that was all it was, they never had anything romantic together and i had nothing to worry about. When i asked him how come I had never been invited to come over to his friends and hang out he had no comment though... After this i caught him looking at pornography again... I didnt have any hard core evedince to put in his face showing him that i definitely saw it so he denied it again... Well when i was eight months pregnant I caught him looking at it again but this time it was in the history on his computer so i made him come to the computer and then pulled it up right in front of him... Now mind you all the while prior he had been telling me that he doesnt look at porn and that he would not hurt me like that and telling me how im too beautiful and he doesnt need that... This time he was apologetic and promised and swore to me that it would NEVER happen again. I believed him. He told me that it had nothing to do with me and that he did still find me attractive and blah blah blah all the crap men feed us to make us belive them just so they can get us to shut up and move on ya know. Well after countless fights and arguments... Our son was finally born This took my mind off of what my husband was doing and had me completely focused on our new baby boy... For a little while things seemed great... But after the newness wore off he started acting annoyed with me again and like i was just a hassle for him... We have fought so bad that i actually called the cops on him one time because he pushed me against the wall and then wrapped his hand around my throat like he was going to choke me. These fights went on for so long that i packed up my stuff and my sons stuff and we went to my dads. I only stayed there for three days but it was like those three days all i thought about was him and he couldnt have cared less. He didnt have time to talk to me, he had invited his friends to come over and grill out, and when i came home i found a bottle of lotion and a balled up hand towel beside our bed on his side... So I was extremely upset because I wanted to come back and work things out but he didnt seem to care either way. Well just recently he got a blackberry phone... instantly my mind went to pornography.. he has the internet in the palm of his hand and i would never see what he was doing or looking at... i started getting a bad feeling when he wouldnt leave his phone out of his site... once i had found his myspace password he stopped getting on it, once he got this phone he created a face book that i dont know the password to... so im not only worried about him looking at porn, but who is he talking to behind my back as well... Well turns out my "feeling" was right... i had convinced him to let me play a game on his phone (of course he was sitting right beside me) and i looked on his brpwser at his history... Porn.... Of course... I was so devestated... We had just watched a movie called Fireproof about a month before this and i told him how much it meant to me when the husband destroyed his computer and left a note saying I love you more... The sad thing is I wasnt surprised when I found it this time... Just really pissed off... Here we are having sex two and three times a month.. at my request... and turns out it's because he is using these other women to get off to... Isn't it supposed to be my job to supply my husband with his sexual needs...?... i mean he wouldnt be ok with me getting romanced and affection from another man... Anyways, this time he admitted to me that he has a problem and that he would be willing to get help for it... This was a month ago and still he has done nothing he promised... he still has the blackberry and has gotten no help... He still acts cold towards me and we still have a lousy sex life... It makes me feel like he's cheating on me... I sometimes want to cheat on him just to get him back... i never would but i shouldnt be having those feelings... What the heck do i need to do...


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## lola_b (Aug 28, 2009)

My husband watches porn (and I do too) and I don't mind at all, I think almost all men masturbate to porn...isn't it almost the normal thing to do?

But also, it doesn't affect our sex life and since your husband's affects yours, I think he may need to see a sex therapist. I think you also need to (calmly) discuss why he would rather watch porn and get off, than to have sex...maybe he has a lower libido...maybe since having a child, he thinks it's now "wrong" to have sex for pleasure?? Just tell him to be honest and DO NOT over react to what he tells you (even if it hurts your feelings). If he does have a sex addiction, you will need to show him you care and you support him getting help. He may not have gone to a sex therapist yet because he might think it's embarrassing. Tell him you will attend with him if he would feel more comfortable.


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## KEH (Apr 21, 2010)

I mean im sure lots of men look at porn, however i am not ok with it and he knows that... I feel like if it's ok for him to meet his own sexual needs with the help of porn stars and other women then it should be ok for me to meet my emotional needs with the help of other men. Of course he would never be ok with that and therefore i would never do it. I know several married couples who look at couples porn together and that's one thing, but to do it in private behind your spouses back and lie to their face about it is completely wrong. Especially the stuff i found that he was loking at. Porn thats designed for couples to spice up the sex life is one thing but just nasty dirty porn is disgusting and in no way shape form or fashion should take my place in my husbands sexual life. I have talked to him about it but he treats me like my feelings are just annoying and can simply be brushed off.


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