# Please give me your opinion.



## A.Issue.My.Husband.Has. (Jul 24, 2012)

I am trying to get my Husband on board with me having a weekly 'My Night' to go out with who I choose. His issues are:

1, My date nights should be when plans are made with female only friends. 'Ladies night' and not be made a firm weekly 'My Night'.

2, If plans are made where its going to be a co-ed group there that he should me invited.

3, Tonight I said I was going out with my cousin Sean for dinner. My Husband feels as it it Family that he should have been welcomed to join us.

Is my Husband right or wrong?


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I don't see his requests as intrusive. There isn't a right or wrong here, its his boundaries. Why is it a problem for you?


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## docj (Jun 18, 2009)

Ill be honest with you. We Americans are very disrespectful of marriage. Its not wrong for hubby to feel ok with u out with females but suspicious of group.mixed dates. YOU ARE MRRIED. BEHAVE LIKE A MARRIED WOMAN. This American belief that i should do what i want whe n i wat and how i want amd no one should tell me otherwise, is a.philosophy from hell. In life we are answereable to someone. . A parent, a teacher a boss,.and in marriage a spouse. If its a date with cousin Sean thats okay. But where its you Sally, Sue,Samanth,Steve, Sam and Scott why wouldbt your husband be concerned?
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## docj (Jun 18, 2009)

Keep this up and you will not be married long. What message are you teaching the kida by disrespecting their fathers request. Reasonable request. If a man asked this question.id answer the same way.
This is very selfish. And we have become very selfish as a nation. Its me me me. If people dont wanna act married then dobt get married and make your spouses miserable and end up wkth brkken homes.n hearts. This selfishness in America is disgusting. We throw fits when we dont get our way. . If u are hanging out with co eds on weekly dates who are single thats a problem. If they are ma rried too tha ts a prkblem. Prlblem is you or some or all of you wanna date and not have gour spouses there. Friends who dont tell theor friends to respect their marriages r not real frkends. This is tough love im giving. What is hapenning on thos co ed dates that your spouses cant be there???? When family time allows it he says u can go out with the girls. Thats vwry reasonable. You are behaving like a 12 yr old.
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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

I.HaveA.Question said:


> Is my Husband right or wrong?


He is SPOT ON! :iagree: 

Wise man


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

docj said:


> We Americans are very disrespectful of marriage....
> ....This American belief that i should do what i want whe n i wat and how i want amd no one should tell me otherwise, is a.philosophy from hell


This is a feminist concept not an American concept. I hope you can distinguish between the 2.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

He is quite right.

You're on a very slippery slope and it'll turn into weekly motel meets without a warning. If you value your marriage and husband you should minimize these night outs without your husband.
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## docj (Jun 18, 2009)

Excuse my typos. Its my i phone. But i think you catch my drift. Why has it become fashionable to disrespect marriage? I believe this stems from kids permitted to back talk or queation authority. Get what they want. And carry this into marriage. Men show your wives love and they will respect you. Women respect your husbands and they will love you. Women offcourse love being respected. But primarily show her love. That shows you respect her n she will in turn respect you. Women respect your husband. No man wants to be disrespected. Respect him and in turn he will love you. Why would you expect love from your husband if you cant respect him? Keep putting this weekly dates as very important issues. One day when you are divorced ,.kids thru a broken home, all the heartache,.I CAN BET YOU NONE OF THIS CO EDS N GIRLFRIENDS will be there. You wanna get to go out weekly with whoever when u want. Become single. Dont put your family through this caise of your aelfiahness. Grow up.
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## docj (Jun 18, 2009)

Blue laser you used the word i was afraid to use. FEMINIST. I was talking to an older lady whos daughters are 18,21,25 and she home schooled them. Taught them right. These gkrls cook clean n are very respectdul. We were talking about how the stupid silly feminist movement has made men so weak and ckwardly and how women think its so sexy and kool to do what they want without a care in the world s to who they hurt.
Yes like one poster said, soon it will be you demanding weekly nights out. Sounds to me like you are cheaging already, emotionaly or and physicaly. I hope its not assurance u want from us,.cause u wont get it. This is sickening
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

bluelaser said:


> I beg to differ. This is a feminist concept not an American concept. I hope you can distinguish between the 2.


i dont believe this.
lots of men have this same problem, and yes, its a problem in a healthy relationship.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I.HaveA.Question said:


> I am trying to get my Husband on board with me having a weekly 'My Night' to go out with who I choose. His issues are:
> 
> 1, My date nights should be when plans are made with female only friends. 'Ladies night' and not be made a firm weekly 'My Night'.
> 
> ...


His requests don't seem unreasonable to me. Why don't you want him to come along?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Sorry, but I side with your husband. If you want to be single and go out with whoever you want, with wherever you want, on your terms, then *be single*. This isn't appropriate and I would be wondering why I would want to be married to you. I know that is not the answer you want. Good luck. I think you will need it.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

enoughisenough said:


> IMO, the problem is the 'going out with whoever you like' including male friends who aren't relatives. Otherwise I don't see the problem if you want to have one evening a week to go and do something like
> -see a movie
> -go shopping
> -visit girlfriends
> ...


i agree with this as long as you pick your friends wisely as in marriage friendly and dont choose to hang out with toxic women.


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

Spouses should have things they do on their own. It's healthy for you to be your own person and have your own interests. After all, its really the deep things that are important to have in common, not topical things.

Most thursday nights I have a group where we just chat in Spanish and about Spanish, both native speakers and advanced learners. He's welcome to come, but shies away bc he wants me to have my own thing. Granted, half of the group are twice my age, but I have a thing about spending time with dumb people... I don't. I also have class on a primarily undergrad campus at least one night a week. I'm sure I could find plenty of trouble, but that was lame 6 yrs ago, and still is.

He's got his own things, he smokes cigars and goes to hip hop shows. I'm invited too, except I hate smoking and a lot of those shows are on a weeknight, and nobody can get their act started til 1a, and I have to work.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

I.HaveA.Question said:


> I am trying to get my Husband on board with me having a weekly 'My Night' to go out with who I choose.


 With “who you choose” is another way of say with no boundaries. All married people need to observe boundaries. You should too. From your husband’s point of view I would consider the fact that you are even making such a statement a big red flag.



I.HaveA.Question said:


> My date nights should be when plans are made with female only friends. 'Ladies night' and not be made a firm weekly 'My Night'.


 Wow, you actually want him to allow you to go on “date nights” with men included. He also wants time with him to be a priority so he does not want there to be a firm your night only. His request are reasonable, yours are not. Another red flag.



I.HaveA.Question said:


> If plans are made where its going to be a co-ed group there that he should me invited.


 If there is a coed group activity why would you not want to invite your husband to go? Yet another red flag.



I.HaveA.Question said:


> Tonight I said I was going out with my cousin Sean for dinner. My Husband feels as it it Family that he should have been welcomed to join us.


 Again, why is it you do not want him to go with you on family things? Red flag again.



I.HaveA.Question said:


> Is my Husband right or wrong?


 Red flags all over. From your husband’s point of view I would be very worried about my marriage to you. Your husband is spot on right and your are completely wrong. If your husband posted this on this board instead of you, people would be telling him that his wife does not appear to understand what it means to be married and wants to be free act like a single woman.

I have a question for you. Be honest with yourself when you answer this question. Do you really want to be married?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

enoughisenough said:


> True.
> 
> When I was home with young children for many years running and no-one to give me a break I used to, maybe a handful of times a year, go out one day of a weekend to see a movie or do something alone (to be honest I usually went to the library and read all sorts of books). I feel like, in reading the responses here, that most people would think I was on a slippery slope or something when it was completely risk free.


It's not about having alone time. Read the OP first post. She wants to have a date night where she goes out without her husband on her own terms. The conditions he propsed where totally appropriate in my book and her desires are not.


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i dont believe this.
> lots of men have this same problem, and yes, its a problem in a healthy relationship.


Agree  

Its about mutual respect. Didn't mean to blame the fairer sex.


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

docj said:


> Blue laser you used the word i was afraid to use. FEMINIST...........


So you decided to blame all Americans?


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

enoughisenough said:


> When I was home with young children for many years running and no-one to give me a break I used to, maybe a handful of times a year, go out one day of a weekend to see a movie or do something alone (to be honest I usually went to the library and read all sorts of books). I feel like, in reading the responses here, that most people would think I was on a slippery slope or something when it was completely risk free.


 You are reading the posts wrong. What you did sounds very reasonable and would fall completely within the boundaries proposed by the OP's husband.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

enoughisenough said:


> IMO, the problem is the 'going out with whoever you like' including male friends who aren't relatives. Otherwise I don't see the problem if you want to have one evening a week to go and do something like
> -see a movie
> -go shopping
> -visit girlfriends
> ...


I agree. No two people are together all the time. People have things they do like, a movie, golf, the library, the gym, etc., but wanting to be with male friends and the husband feeling shut out is the problem. 

i must live farther back in the country than I thought. I notice there are several posts over time about hanging out with friends of the opposite sex. That is considered really taboo where I'm from. I can't name a single couple who does that or that would find it acceptable. I never see anyone who is married out with a "friend." I think it is asking for problems.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Tell you what, if my partner made this... demand/request/tantrum (choose what applies) my relationship with her would be on step from over. She would be in the emotional doghouse from that day and my trust in her would suffer a major hit.

You're a lucky woman if you even get your husband discussing this. He isn't stopping you from having friends, he is even ok with you going on with girlfriends only (bit naive of him if you have toxic friends). He asks to be there is there are guys on the mix. What is wrong with that?

Or a more sensible question is, why don't you want your husband around when you're going out in a mixed group? What does the presence of your husband stops that you want to happen? I can't really think of a legit answer to this that doesn't involve inappropriate behavior for a married woman.

This is the 21st, if you can't handle being married don't be. I'm pretty sure that with the current situation (woman/proper man ratio) your husband would have no trouble getting a woman who has no issues having him on her side in public.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Clearly the OP didn't like the answers she received! Not another post...


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## still.trying (Jul 27, 2012)

He obviously feels left out! Why can't he join you? You don't want to spend time together? Is he smothering you? He sounds insecure about something, what is it?


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## Mr Bixby (Jul 25, 2012)

KanDo said:


> Clearly the OP didn't like the answers she received! Not another post...


I noticed the same thing lol
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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Getting called out is no fun. Sometimes it has to be done.


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