# Mid-life Crisis Perspective for Ladies



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Not sure if this should be posted in the Ladies forum, since that is the intended audience. . .I'll let the moderators decide if it's a better fit there.

There have been a couple of threads circulating on worry about a husband's midlife crisis, as defined as usually hitting around the big Four Oh. Sorry. . .64 years old is NOT a midlife crisis and I have to say, neither is 32 years old. I could buy 35 maybe.

So. . .that's for starters. . .let's get a correct diagnosis.

I think a fear out there may be (and it's a reasonable fear). . .

Q: Will Hubby's Midlife Crisis lead to him leaving me? Or destroying the marraige?

A: No to the first. A Maybe to the second question but probably not unless he gets really, really erratic.

I speak to this being a guy in a midlife crisis now. I am recently divorced at 41 years old and I think any observer would have to ask, "Did he have a midlife crisis that led him to leave his wife to relive his missed youth now by sleeping around?"

A: No. I left my wife because she was miserable for 10 years and I was miserable. Whether it was me that caused her misery or not, well, that's debatable and probably unsolvable. After I left her, now that I am all alone, NOW, I am having my midlife crisis.

But I am confident I didn't just pick up and move out on a whim that I could "trade down" for a 28 year old hottie.

What I think women fail to see sometimes is how deep a place our wives have in our hearts. YOu are not easily replaced. Yes, sure. . .we could sleep with other women. . .but fantasize about them being our wives? MY GOD! HADES NO! Our brains just can't do that. Women, as far as I can tell, are wired opposite. . .they can get all into fantasizing about the white picket fence, 2.4 kids, and family dog with other guys. . .I hate to say it. . .you are wired differently in that a husband can be more easily replaced (or more easily fathomed) in your hearts. It's the sex thing that holds you back. You just can't give that away as easily because it's one of your most valuable commodities.

What SimplyAmorous wrote is poignant. . .when we hit our midlife crises, your husband's need you to go through it with them a bit. Get a little, just a little crazy with him. Indulge him without overindulging him.

If he wants a motorcycle. . .did you know places let you rent them? I know Harley does. The same with boats. I always say renting beats buying with anything with motors. YOu want a boat? Tell you what? Rent a boat for 2 weeks, sit on the dam boat for 2 weeks and if you still want the boat after 2 weeks, buy the boat. I'll tell you what. . most men are sick of the dam boat after 2 weeks. They just have to find out for themselves. Let them find out for a rental fee vs. buying and then the thing breaks and becomes a money pit.

A midlife crisis is inevitable for a male in many ways because as Grandma said, "No man is worth a damn until age 40." Well you get there and you (and others) say to yourself, "Hey, I've got 2 pennies to rub together, I still got it going on, and here I am. . .running little Susie to the dentist?"

It's the quintessential battle within between Family Man and Playah. Nicholas Cage did a good job in the movie Family Man with that. I recommend all women watch that and watch Nicholas Cage throw a fit when his wife tells him they can't afford that business suit he wants in front of the salesman.

In conclusion, I think the best "quick cure" for a mid-life crisis is the communication of "I hope you are happy with what you have created up til this point - a wife who adores you, kids who love you, and a house with a mortgage on it." Let him reflect on it and decide he is happy with what he has.

Good luck.

And please don't disturb MY midlife crisis.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I think a man goes through many changes in their lives, up to puberty, after puberty, teenager, young man, middle aged man, old man etc. etc. Most men navigate those seasons and changes without even thinking about it. And at the same time rarely do those life changes become a crisis.

But the mid life change can become a crisis because by the time of mid life men have real responsibilities, essentially others who are dependent on them. And because of that the man can’t just answer “the call of the wild” in the same way they did when they were a youngster, teenager or young man. They can’t “just change their life” unless of course they drop all responsibilities and just ****** off to pastures new.

So the mid life change often becomes a crisis for the man. He often just does not know what to do for the best for all concerned and because he “can’t move forward”, because he feels stuck he will often get depressed. And he’s depressed because he feels things will never change and doesn’t like the look of his future.

But then again some men’s mid life change never turns into a crisis.

Bob


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

That's fine Scanner as long as he is just as supportive of his wife when she inevitably has hers.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I find that men who married very young, out of a sense of duty tend to have the worst mid life crises. I also notice this with women.

When I was in university, one of my professors went back to school and divorced her husband when she had a midlife crisis. She freely admitted it.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

We call those 'starter marriages' now.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Halien said:


> My wife has them every month, and sends me to the store to buy pads. I support her, but mostly I hide when she gets her hands on the china.
> 
> Only kidding here!!


It's very interesting to me that when a man reaches a point of being totally irresponsible, it is chalked up to being a MLC and women should just go along with it, in fact encourage it. Yet, when a woman does the same it is viewed in unfavorable light. She's 40 not 20, who does she think she is? 
So a man gets a pass at acting like an idiot as some universal term and we all smile and nod but a woman doesn't get the same luxury?
If we are talking about re-thinking our lives and trying to come to grips with being "mid life", let's give us all a path. A path to stupid.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> We call those 'starter marriages' now.


:rofl: Well my "starter marriage" lasted 42 years till I was 61!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> It's very interesting to me that when a man reaches a point of being totally irresponsible, it is chalked up to being a MLC and women should just go along with it, in fact encourage it. Yet, when a woman does the same it is viewed in unfavorable light. She's 40 not 20, who does she think she is?
> So a man gets a pass at acting like an idiot as some universal term and we all smile and nod but a woman doesn't get the same luxury?
> If we are talking about re-thinking our lives and trying to come to grips with being "mid life", let's give us all a path. A path to stupid.


That's simply not true.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I'm not sure we get a pass. It's a buffoonish stereotype everyone laughs at. For women they made whole Television Networks about it.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Well of course it's different for man than a woman.

Men and women aren't the same.

Ya silly!

A woman doesn't reach age 40 and say, "Gee, is this all there is?" When they are with me, they would just naturally assume they've reached the pinnacle of human existence, no?

You gals have menopause after all. . .


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