# Low self esteem in men



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I know all about low self esteem in women and how it presents and what it looks like, but I don’t know much about low self esteem in men. What does it look like? What makes you feel good and bad? Do men with low self esteem prefer women to pursue them? Do they choose women who aren’t as attractive?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

(Bugle music here!)

I don't know, but an interesting topic.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> I know all about low self esteem in women and how it presents and what it looks like, but I don’t know much about low self esteem in men. What does it look like? What makes you feel good and bad? Do men with low self esteem prefer women to pursue them? Do they choose women who aren’t as attractive?


I think low self esteem in men manifests itself in two different ways. The first way is a man with low self esteem tries to build himself up at the expense of others. Usually by becoming domineering and possessive. The second way is that men with low self esteem will become fawning and submissive.
The first case is the classic abuser, who beats and berates women (and men if they think they can get away with it) in their life. The second is the classic Nice Guy who gives and gives hoping for something in return.
I think in both cases they find women who are attracted to them so by default I think to a degree they prefer women who chase them or at least accept them as what they think is the best alternative. So a co-dependency of some sort develops.
A man or any person with real self esteem chooses a mate they are attracted to and vice versa. A man, or any person with real self esteem simply lives their life and if someone wants to come along for the journey they are fine with it. If not, they always know the next person might, so they don't stress about it


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> I know all about low self esteem in women and how it presents and what it looks like, but I don’t know much about low self esteem in men. *What does it look like?* What makes you feel good and bad? Do men with low self esteem prefer women to pursue them? Do they choose women who aren’t as attractive?


One of my friends growing up had extreme low self esteem when it came to dating, but awkwardly when a girl was into him he would be like, "no way am I dating her as her butt is too fat!" And the girl in question had the kind of sexy big butt that would make most guys go crazy. 

When he lost his virginity it was because he got into a fight and beat up by some girl's ex-boyfriend. She felt very sorry for him, took him back to her place to nurse on him, and gave him a pity f***. 

To this day he has never been in any real relationships. He keeps to himself and does extreme sports. He could probably get any woman he wants, but when I talk to him about it he just gets angry and says that women are a liability and cost too much. No way does he want to get tied down to having babies, a mortgage and crap like that. 

So what does it look like? A man that has convinced himself that a woman would just mess up his life and umm NO, he will have none of that! In other words a self fulfilling prophecy of loneliness. He might date you and hang out a few times, but just don't try talking about a future together! 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think men are a lot less likely recognize their low esteem that women are theirs and that its more likely to be evidenced as aggression and anger. 

On the bright side, the 4wd truck, sports car, and high end watch industry would be in real trouble without it. 

Society puts very unreasonable expectations on men just as it does on women. (I don't want to get into "which expectations are more unreasonable", but both are very bad).


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Low esteem in men is when their water has gone cold.
The heat of vaporization is regularly below 40.66 C., never attaining 100 C.

This comes with depression. Not having enough steam to get moving.

Becoming lethargic, showing continuous procrastination.
Being sad, having no goals, their sexual desires dropping off.

Feelings of worthlessness.
Marked lack of interest or pleasure in all things.

These men allow others to walk over them. Not fighting back. 
Not in person, maybe fighting back only in private.

Sometimes being passive aggresive.

They usually have difficulty with employment. Changing jobs often for spurious reasons.
Or getting let go for lack of effort, not following instructions, not putting in enough work.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Humans are too complex to fit them into a nice neat little box so easily. Some traits may be more common than others, but insecure men can come in all shapes and sizes.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Humans are too complex to fit them into a nice neat little box so easily. Some traits may be more common than others, but insecure men can come in all shapes and sizes.




Yep...and most of them are on POF
🤣


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Yep...and most of them are on POF
> 🤣
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I've read this over and over and I can't figure out what POF is. 

Just saying, I've not had the greatest self esteem and possitive outlook on myself. Nothing posted so far describes me at all.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

"One of my friends growing up had extreme low self esteem when it came to dating, but awkwardly when a girl was into him he would be like, "no way am I dating her as her butt is too fat!" And the girl in question had the kind of sexy big butt that would make most guys go crazy. "

You just described 95% of the frustrated single men who post in dating forums lol


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I've read this over and over and I can't figure out what POF is.
> 
> Just saying, I've not had the greatest self esteem and possitive outlook on myself. Nothing posted so far describes me at all.


POF is “Plenty of fish” it’s a hookup site.
You are more likely to catch a different type of “seafood” if you use it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Unlike women, men will rarely let you know when their self-esteem is suffering or is under fire!

With rare exception, most men just choose to suffer in silence, all while displaying a steel facade!*


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Unlike women, men will rarely let you know when their self-esteem is suffering or is under fire!
> 
> With rare exception, most men just choose to suffer in silence, all while displaying a steel facade!*


I had a self esteem issue a while ago.
I thought someone else was as perfect as me.
But I was wrong........😜😜😜


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> I had a self esteem issue a while ago.
> I thought someone else was as perfect as me.
> But I was wrong........😜😜😜


*And don't you dare ever think of changing anytime soon ~ Love you, Brother!*


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## Real talk (Apr 13, 2017)

I think it manifests itself solely through how we identify with women. Like through putting them on pedestal and equating what you can do for women to your worth and value. Holding women to no standards and not expecting anything from them while feeling you owe them everything exemplifies low self worth.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Girl_power said:


> I know all about low self esteem in women and how it presents and what it looks like, but I don’t know much about low self esteem in men. What does it look like? What makes you feel good and bad? Do men with low self esteem prefer women to pursue them? Do they choose women who aren’t as attractive?


That madame, is a really great question to pose. Seriously.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Real talk said:


> I think it manifests itself solely through how we identify with women. Like through putting them on pedestal and equating what you can do for women to your worth and value. Holding women to no standards and not expecting anything from them while feeling you owe them everything exemplifies low self worth.


 I think this is a mantra that the red pill caricature of men espouse in order to give them an excuse to treat women like crap. Obviously no one should put a woman on this high pedestal of perfection. But honestly, I don't see a lot of pedestals on forums. Just saying


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I also think that men don’t even realize they have low self esteem.


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## Real talk (Apr 13, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> I think this is a mantra that the red pill caricature of men espouse in order to give them an excuse to treat women like crap. Obviously no one should put a woman on this high pedestal of perfection. But honestly, I don't see a lot of pedestals on forums. Just saying


And this is the beta male mantra that paints anything that goes again vagina worship as "red pill" to validate their lack of masculinity.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Real talk said:


> And this is the beta male mantra that paints anything that goes again vagina worship as "red pill" to validate their lack of masculinity.


Could you expound on this? I'm not exactly sure what you mean. I also want to apologize for my naivete, but I don't know what the "red pill" concept means. I'd really like to know.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

A man's foundation for self-esteem is built long before he's actually a man, in my opinion. And women absolutely play a role ... but certainly not in a romantic sense. Mothers, grandmothers, teachers, etc. contribute to where a man starts the journey of where he sees himself fitting into the world and how he goes about making his way.

I think that first part is pretty evident to just about anybody. What I do think men should talk about more, and take some responsibility for, is also that pivotal role in shaping, contributing to, and role-modeling what a well integrated, responsible, man with self-respect, who operates via a fundamental code of conduct looks like. Maybe I am growing extraordinarily old fashioned in my age ... but many young(er) men simply no longer interact directly with one another as peers, or with older, established male role models. We just expect that a well adjusted, man will somehow emerge via osmosis?

To my mind, self-esteem is a continuum, not a state. It isn't static, and it's certainly subject to change.

I actually think defining self-esteem for a man, can mean wildly contrasting things depending upon who you are speaking with, and what's going on their life.

I also don't necessarily think that lack of success, interest in, or interaction with the opposite sex is a _defining_ aspect of self-esteem for a man; unless or until it becomes so.

I have a friend that has been single his entire life. He has only dated for extended periods on several occasions in the over 40 years I've known him. I know the man well, nothing wrong with his sense of who he is. He has flat out said, "I don't have the patience for a relationship, and after seeing a number of you guys (our friends in common) get divorced, it only confirms my belief."


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Prodigal said:


> Could you expound on this? I'm not exactly sure what you mean. I also want to apologize for my naivete, but I don't know what the "red pill" concept means. I'd really like to know.


Here you go: https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-red-pill-philosophy 

The link has better explanations than I can give, but I'll try anyway. There are also subsets of red pill such as MGTOW that requires it's own investigation. 

The red pill is basically just a philosophy that originated based on a line from the movie "the matrix" and it is based on the theory that women have higher value/more power in society than men and the way to even that value is for men to recognize it and make a different set of choices that doesn't overvalue them (i.e. don't put them on a pedestal). The term red pill vs blue pill goes back to whether you want to open your eyes and recognize what is really going on and accept the negatives associated with it, or whether you'd choose to pretend it doesn't happen and be happier. The philosophy also heavily incorporates the alpha/beta mindset that was based on animal social hierarchy, and may or may not be directly applicable to humans. 

If you have the time I'd recommend reading the book called "The Rationale Male" and it explains red pill theory, female dominance in society, and ways that some men are reacting to it. 

There is a lot of value in understanding the philosophy and seeing it work in society. Part of it is factual and part is exaggerated. There are also different ways to use the information and for some people they choose the better parts to improve themselves and others choose the worse parts to manipulate interrelation dynamics in their favor. Read/watch Tom Leykis (especially Leykis 101) and you'll see the negative applications of the red pill but read/watch Corey Wayne and you'll see the positive applications from the same theory. I personally apply techniques from both of these people, depending on the situation and my goals. 

The way this applies to self esteem is a lot of the men that identify as alphas are claiming to have higher confidence and self esteem than those that are betas. Whether alphas or betas have high or low self esteem is really it's own question.

End of T/J


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## Real talk (Apr 13, 2017)

Bananapeel said:


> Here you go: https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-red-pill-philosophy
> 
> The link has better explanations than I can give, but I'll try anyway. There are also subsets of red pill such as MGTOW that requires it's own investigation.
> 
> ...


Thanks for this. I've never treated any woman wrong or with disrespect, just stopped putting them on a pedestal and moving their needs and wants ahead of mine. Red pill doesn't equate to being a ****, it means having self worth.


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