# devestated



## kittykat1b (Oct 8, 2010)

I'm posting because I'm looking for some advice. I met my huband when I was 15 & he was 16. We have been together since then. We broke up a few times but always got back together. We got married 8 yeas ago. We were together 18 yrs in total. He had what I consider to be an online affair three years ago. That in intself was hard to deal with but the fact that itwas with a much younger, vey close relative of mine tore me to pieces. I lost a lot of close family memebers because of what happened. I threw him out and he went home. We are living abroad. He begged to come back and we have 4 kids so i let him after 5 months, but i dont think i should have. I wasnt ready and i didnt try at all to make it work. I couldnt forget what he had done. He was supposed to take it slowly and move out andtake any kind of work , but he didnt and i was left supporting us all. I was very resentful. In all other ways he tried very hard to make it upto me. after nearly 3 years of this i told him he would have to o looke for work at home. A few weeks after he had gone he was begging to come back but I said no. I said i didnt feel i'd get over what he had done and that he should have worked whilst he was here. I more or less told him it was over. I was happy with my decision, but a lot happened a close realtive died and i began thinking about the kids and how in lve we were before his online relationship. Even afterwards we still on occasion had amazing times.I asked him to come home after about 8 weeks and was devestated to find out that he was already with some1 else. We have been seperated nearly 8 months now.. We dont talk at all. There have been txts and emails. He has rarely seen kids, he is not sending money. He went through a stage of being completely indifferent to me, turning his phone off, refusing to talk about anything, His response to any question was we are seperated. I know that we are, but he still has responsibility towards kids. So anyway now we dont contact each other much. He does seem to initiate contact tot get some sort of reaction so he can tell me again not to contact him. Lately though, when he e-mails or txts it is always full of anger. It's like he hates me, he thinks I have someone else also. I am so hurt that i was so easily replaced after all that time and cant believe that such a good father has just completely turned his back on his kids. The last time ispoke to him i told him no further contact, that he wont be able to see kids if he cant be a proper father. He contacted me after this by an abusive e-mail, but i didnt respond. The thing is he did love me alot, i know it, how can you just get over it like that. I loved him, but not as much after what he did and I am finding it soo hard to get over. I am devestated. I cant imagine what life will be like now. I'm just lookin for advice if anyone can see what is happening with him. urely it's not normal to completely cut off like that when you have children. U dont turn your back on tem just because you are seperated. We are not even in the same country and it really does feel like a death to me or ven worse because it is his choice not to come back to us., to his kids. Also looking for advice on ways to cope with the situation


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

It says a lot about his character that he is not standing up for his children and trying to be a good father. Is this really the kind of man you want to pine away for?


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## kittykat1b (Oct 8, 2010)

well to be honest it is totally out of character for him.Healways was a good father he was a stay at home dad. That is why I find it all so difficult to understand. I'm not pining for the person he is now, more the person that i thought he was. I am also very angry at the effect all of this is having on my children and at the way I have been left with all the financial responsibility. But yes I still miss him. I lived with him since I was 18 and the house feels soo empty it's unbearable.


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