# Having a tough time



## armyguy54 (Jan 31, 2012)

So I'm deployed right now and have been for the past 7 months. My wife started having a tough time with the deployment around month 3 and started talking about seperation. Well she changed her mind and things were going ok. Last month she started acting wierd and finally admitted that she had a one night stand with another man who is also in the military but currently back home and not deployed. She has cheated on me before but I stuck around because at the time I felt like it may have been partially my fault for her going outside our marriage. Well to make a long story short she is now pregnant by the guy she cheated with. She said it happened in Nov. I couldn't talk to her for a couple weeks because I just didnt know how to think. Well she wrote me a email saying she is so sorry and ashamed and wishes I would rethink divorce. I don't think I could deal with raising another mans child and I am not the type of person to ask for an abortion or for her to give the baby up because I know she has wanted a child for a long time. I really thought about it and I just can't do it. I think I still love her and I don't want her to be sad but I feel I should end the marriage. How do I tell her? Why do I feel so depressed when I think of leaving her and putting her out alone? She wants to be there when I come home in a couple months how do I tell her no. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Any advice would be great.


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## Bugz Bunny (Nov 28, 2011)

In this situation divorce is the best choice for you...The kid would be a constant reminder of deceit,humiliation and and there is always a posibility that the OM wants to be a part of his OC life...

And it was not a ONS...it was longer and she wanted separation/divorce because she thought that the OM is a better choice than you...The OM probably dumped her and now she wants you to rethink the divorce beacuse she needs a meal ticket...

Dont be a second choice to anyone and especialy not to people like your wife that never respected you...

Man up,respect yourself and file for divorce...find yourself a women that will respect you and won't cheat on you while you are working to make a better life for both of you...


You deserve better


Good Luck


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

So sad. This is the third such story about the WW getting prego while the BS servicemember is deployed. 

You're afraid to tell her you want to end the marriage after she's been banging some dude and got prego? Seriously? You feel for her because you're deployed. You may not feel the same way when you rotate home and see her belly swollen from carrying an OMs child. That will be a constant visual trigger of what she did to you and your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Find the POSOM's commander and bust his ass. He'll then be financially responsible for the baby. And the fact is, she got the idea in her head that she could do better than you-what will she do next time you're deployed?


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

The chances of her falling pregnant from a one night stand are minimal. This woman is playing you...and you are worried about hurting HER feelings?


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## armyguy54 (Jan 31, 2012)

Yea you guys are right I shouldnt feel bad for dumping her.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Sorry the see you here.

Personaly im all for forgiving once. And try to reconcile.
But forgivr twice? No chance.To big slap in the face .
And also you cant put up bigger display of
What they really think of you and the marriage.

So i really dont care what the say.Or what reason´s 
The say.. Sorry honey for doing this again to you.
But it occured to now. That its probobly
One of the reason , i had a concrite sandbox to
Play in as a child.kinda reason..

But given the fact that yor wife already cheated once.
Forgiven.And you to moved on.

And now this?

Walk away ,and never look back…

Now you sadly know the reason for the sudden 
Request for a divorce.. This i can promise you
Was hardly a case of a one night stand..

Contrery to popular belives it is not as easy as
People think to get pregnent on a once shoot deal

Its more rear then anything…But it happens clearly..

She garentued got dumped,and trying to get back with you.

Ask your self.What changed for her? What so diffrent?
Why set on divorce? And also NO protection WTF

What her plan to show you it´s worth it for you??

Remeber she has cheated before.Why another chance.

Personaly think you reconcile from most affair´s
Even when wife get´s pregnent.The child in it self
Is rearly a issue..There are husband´s that have donet that.

But majorety walks away.. You seriusly should be one of
Them.. Sometimes you get screwed so bad.that no matter what

It´s best to get out of dodge.. Your situation is one of them..

And finally

What ever you do. *DONT SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE..*

Not even if you are "willing"to trying to work it out..

You will get stuck with child support ,otherwise..

On the odd chance it would work out. You can allways
Adopt.. but seriusly man walk way..

And also report OMto the chain of comand..

Sorry man. But WTF are women/wife thinking
Of the time the can cheat. The do it when the are in
Harms way..unbelivible.. Another reason to leave dodge..

Best of lock CHAMP


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

*She has cheated on me before but I stuck around because at the time I felt like it may have been partially my fault for her going outside our marriage.*

It was never your fault..Dont ever think that..

I mean what the excuse this time??

People that end up cheating.It always on them.

No matter the amount of lame as excuses


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Absolutely divorce her. She has cheated before on you and you forgive and this is your reward. She gets pregnant by another guy. She did not even care enough to use protection. My guess is that I seriously doubt it was just one time. Enough is enough. Good luck.


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## aaroncj (Nov 10, 2011)

So sorry to hear of your situation. You most certainly don't own any of her affair. Like others have suggested, for your own mental and emotional well-being, you need to move on. 

I know it will be tough if you still love her, but clearly whatever relationship you have with her is toxic. 

The only thing I would suggest is to make 100% certain that this can't be your child before you take action. Not sure of the timing of your deployment but I know from experience that early in a pregnancy it's not always easy to pinpoint the time of conception. If you were around in October, might there be a chance it could be yours?

Best of luck to you and thank you for your service.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

aaroncj said:


> So sorry to hear of your situation. You most certainly don't own any of her affair. Like others have suggested, for your own mental and emotional well-being, you need to move on.
> 
> I know it will be tough if you still love her, but clearly whatever relationship you have with her is toxic.
> 
> ...


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Ask her if she would be willing to terminate the pregnancy, only then you could look at R, even then, there's a very low chance, she's cheated on you twice already that you know of.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

Ask her if she wants to come over and kick my mom's dog while she's at it.

ONS... my ass, it was a ONS.

I say you 86 her ass.


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## shesatitagain99 (Apr 18, 2012)

I think, what goes around comes around. Take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if you deserve anything better.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

ArmyGuy,

Thank you for your service!

Your wife has been disloyal to you before.

And you stuck with her after the first affair.

She should have done the courtesy of sticking with you on this next deployment.

You obviously do not mean much to her, show her the same courtesy.

File for divorce. You deserve better.

Good Luck and Keep your head down my man!!!

HM64


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

gotta love how many ONS end up in pregnancy on TAM

it's likely it was trickle truth and she's been having regular sex with OM


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Sad.

She seems to have had many ONS with the same guy for several months! How could she allow herself to be getting pregnant with ONS? Unbelievable.

Is there anything OP could do but to file for divorce?


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