# Lots of Resentment and maybe depression



## chorio1111 (Mar 3, 2010)

Okay well i thought i'd give this a try, just need some advice. I've only been married for 7 months however i lived with my husband for 3 years before we got married. He is a very type A personality, always has to be right, you can never disagree with him he gets soo mad sometimes. He is in school for his Phd and I work fulltime. I never complain about him being in school I know he is pursuing his dreams and support him being in school. There have been so many arguments that i feel like i always just let things go and forget about it, let him be right, cause i know he's not gonna change his mind. I think that i've done this so much it's turning into resentment and i'm just hating him more and more. When we argue it's always something petty, he has a tone (which he doesn't recognize) that makes me feel so small, like he is scolding a child or i'm so stupid. And to defend myself i tend to yell when we argue, I've tried to keep from yelling, even though i think i am not yelling he says i am. It's like i have to yell at him cause he doesn't listen to me. His stubborness gets in the way. We do the whole name calling "stupid" "a-hole" "you can't do anything" "your fat", There's been a couple of times that he's gotten physical one time he threw something at me, the next time he put his hand over my mouth to shut me up. 
So lately i've noticed that i don't want to get out of bed, lay in bed for like 12+ hours don't want to go anywhere, do anything, don't want to go to work, just sit at home watch tv. I don't talk to anyone about it cause i'm embarrassed. If I try to talk to him about it I know he'll just say i'm too sensitive and won't take me serious and just blame it on me. I guess I just need some advice, I will be going to counseling at my job, they offer it free. I told him i was going to counseling and he said "Are you pregnant?" (by the way i'm not)


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## bravo99 (Mar 2, 2010)

Please don't let him smack you around. Kudos for going to counseling. It doesn't sound like a safe place for you. You have a job and can take care of yourself. If he won't work with you and a counselor to change for your safety, get out. You shouldn't be treated that way. Has this been the whole time you've been together or is it worse since you married? I don't know if people can change. Good luck


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

chorio1111 said:


> When we argue it's always something petty, he has a tone (which he doesn't recognize) that makes me feel so small, like he is scolding a child or i'm so stupid. And to defend myself i tend to yell when we argue, I've tried to keep from yelling, even though i think i am not yelling he says i am.


this sounds like how my H and i used to talk. at the heart of it, for me, was that i did feel stupid around him. so when my H talked to me that way, i thought he was making me feel stupid, when in reality, i already felt stupid and his tone just brought out my vulnerability. 

of course it makes you angry. your fear is that you are stupid and now the one person that was supposed to love you and make you feel good, now makes you feel like crap. 

I have worked on my inferiority complex around him. I avoid some topics. But mostly i realize he was not making me feel stupid- i felt stupid and so i couldnt see his behavior for what it really was. 

It does of course put an emotional divide and lessen the love in the relationship. but welcome to being in a relationship. that's how it goes. we are imperfect and it affects the ones closest to us the most. 

and as far as the fights escalating, try to walk away before it gets that bad.


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