# The last straw??



## fawkes (May 15, 2013)

My husband and I are considering divorce. This fall will be our 10 year anniversary. We have had problems our whole marriage. I would never say that I have been the perfect wife, but I do feel that many of the problems have been of his doing. We got engaged because I was pregnant. He had been out of his previous relationship only several months. When we were at my parent's house planning our upcoming wedding, I found him at my dad's computer reading email from her. I found out years later that these were her asking him to leave me and go back to her. After additional contact between them continued to make me uncomfortable I asked him to stop talking to her. He didn't. He said he would, but I would continually find texts, or long phone calls in the phone bill, or myspace messages. Each time he would begin by calling me crazy, saying I was imagining things. Once he was proven guilty (with phone bill or the like) he would confess, say he was sorry, and promise never to do it again. but he always did. This came to a head in 2009 when I discovered facebook mesages between them planning a weekend rendevous at a hotel while our daughters and I were out of town. We nearly split then, but I believed his promises to change. He used to lie about many other things as well, especially money. He would go out with his friends and say he would be home at midnight. But he would turn his phone off and show up at 4 am and claim he forgot or lost tract of time. He would say his phone died and he couldn't call me to let me know. He is in the military and I finally had enough during his deployment last year when we had many issues. He was in a relatively safe location, working basically a normal job. He had free time, and was even able to see some of the city where he was stationed. Well, I was home with an 8 year old, a 5 year old, and our youngest was only 4 months when he left. I would check the account to see $70 sushi dinners (which he claimed was only his food), $60 brunches (again for one??), and once charges at a hotel. This is an area known for it's prostitutes. All of his friends while there were young, (early 20's) and unmarried. He spent all the money in the account right before my birthday, and didn't even send me a card. The worst point was when I couldn't get groceries, because he had spent all of the money. We made it through and he promised that when he got home, all would change. It has been 6 months, and things are better. But little things do keep happening and I find myself blowing up about them like they are severe. For example, he arrived home an hour late after his softball game last night because he went out for a few drinks with friends. This is the 3rd time he has been late after softball in 2 weeks. I made him promise to call and tell me if he was going to be late after the first time. Though I would have thought that should be understood in a marriage. To call if you are going to be late should be a normal thing right? Especially if you are trying to rebuild trust. I flew off the handle and told him that maybe we should just get a divorce since he is never going to change. I feel so unimportant that he can't keep a promise to me. I just don't know what to do. I am not blameless in our marriage, I do nag, complain, act too needy, and generally irritate him. He feels that I am never satisfied no matter how hard he tries and that he can't "just change overnight". Am I wrong in thinking that he should have changed by now if he was going to? And am a overreacting??


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## colotnk (Feb 3, 2012)

You're not overreacting. If I were in your shoes, I would leave a long time ago. 10 years is way too long to put up with his behaviors. From what I heard, it's all negative. You have been constantly lied to and disrespected. Does he have a good side?

I understand it must be a tough decision to leave a marriage when you have 3 kids. My personal opinion is that yours was doomed from the very start. I really feel for you


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

How many more times are you going to believe his lies about changing? You are the only one present in this marriage. He isnt trying...it sounds to me like he wants to be single. He has already cheated, and it sound likes you rugswept it. I would also venture to guess he is STILL cheating. How much longer are you going to tolerate this?


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## some_guy_mn (Mar 4, 2013)

Time to go. No question.


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## belleoftheball (May 16, 2013)

You are not overreacting at all and I think you should get out of there as fast as possible. I am sorry this has happened to you and I wish you luck for your future.


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## hellokitty48 (Jun 9, 2013)

my husband love playing his video games on there you can meet all kinds of people.. well he has befriend a marry women i dont have a problem with them playing on the game together. the problem is he talks and text her one on one i have over heard him talking to her in a way that a person who is married should not be when i ask him about he gets a mad and say that they are just friends and she is married as well.. I ask not to be talking to her on a one on one basic and that he needs to respect her marriage.. well he cont to keep talking to her then he said he should be able to talk to whoever he wants . Wrong.. she calls him for computer help or help with others stuff she should be calling her husband for that she leaves back east we live in california.. well i thought he had stop talking to her. well last night something told me to check his email he has 3 accounts . he keeps his cell phone very close to him every where he goes that cell phone goes.. well had deleted the messages so i check sent messages and there they where they never type anything the body of the email always a subject. she told hey love you and he respond back me too... now i dont trust him at all. that was the last straw.. i told him he need to move out.. any one have any suggestions on this one. he told me was going to keep talking to her because she is his friend..


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