# this is what I wrote Basically for my husband to see as well. plz tell me ur thoughts



## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

:scratchhead:
I have things in my life that I am not proud of by Any means. I have Committed Adultery. That was very low of me to do and not to mention something I would have never saw me doing to my husband. I can't believe I had let things go that far. That was a selfish thing to do to my Husband I let him down. He has done nothing but, be there for me and I know we had a problems but, There is No Excuse for what I have done to him. I will be forever sorry. my husband is my life & I want nothing more but, to take the pain and anger he has for me away. I wish I could say the right things but, I am not perfect.

Also I am alcoholic I didn't want to admit to that because, it would mean I had a problem and I wasn't ready to face the true. I drank for so many reason Such as feeling I failed as a person. I felt I let my parents down. I was mad because, All I wanted was to have a better childhood, Someone to call Dad. A mom who was not downing the bottle and fading my brother and I out of her life. I felt Abandoned and angry at the world . I let those thoughts eat me up inside. I Just couldn't understand why I was going threw all this after all my Childhood as I knew it was taking care of my mom & my brother. I grew up fast and I can't sit here and tell you that i had some great memories as a kid. they faded in the dark. I thought all this was happening to me because, I failed at something. so I beat myself up. I also drank because I was feeling Neglected from my husband it seemed he had better things to do most of the time such as video games it took a toll on me I know it sounds stupid but that game took over him he played alot of that game for sometime also we lacked Communication with each other I felt i was waiting on the side line to get time with him. I also felt worthless to him.I wanted nothing but, to have his Ation . I have so much love for him. he's my life Iguess you could say I wanted things to be perfect but, then again as we all know life is not perfect. I didn't mind him playing I just didn't want it to take so much of his time away from me. I wanted just to have our time as a couple without having to feel I was on a time clock and feeling bad for the time i was taking away from the game. I thought it was my fault that I couldn't get his ation .


and as far as some of my friends I have made some bad choices in that department. I had some bad Influences that I didn't need in my life. they did things my husband didn't like and I disrespect him as a wife and continued to be friend them because, I was to worried about hurting there feelings and not my husbands . I didn't put him first like I was suppose to . Hes suppose to come first before anyone else . 



and another thing I Didn't know how to love myself. I put myself down and didn't know who I was. 


So now for what I have done to my husband I am now paying for it. I am currently back Home in Washington and Separated from my Husband for the time being. to Work On myself and to learn how to love myself. & show him that I can be faithful and Sober. & love myself.

I am also working on my relationship with my mom. and I am loving the time I get to spend with her. I am proud of her for all she has over come . 

I am now giving my life to god and No longer wanting negative people in my life. And Bad influences, I want to better myself. I want to prove to my husband I can do this . and I want nothing more then to have my marriage back. it's a new chapter in my life. 

so here I go....


again Michael I am truely sorry and one day I hope I can have your trust back and for you to forgive me for what I have done. I love you so much . & thankyou for not leaving me and giving me another Chance at this


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

Fabulous first step. Congratulations. It takes a very big person to admit their faults...and an even bigger one to try and fix that.

There can be forgiveness here....none of us are perfect.

Good luck. God bless you....and know...in his eyes you are already forgiven.


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

Awesome!!! Keep up the good work and have faith in God.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

Thank you.. Yah I was proud after i wrote that. in 3 days it will be a month that i haven't drank =] like I said I am doing everything I can to better my life and my marriage.


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