# Should I continue to wait on the Lord...or am I crazy?



## ohsobless (Aug 8, 2011)

Got married in 2004, separated in 2006. Stayed in close contact with my husband until 2010. After that we difted a part.
I never dated but he did have a few sexual encounters that he told me about, said he felt guilty, and wanted to tell me about it. Well that was in 2009. Since we separted we are getting a divorce, and I still haven't dated or have been with a man. Now he is getting married next year and as for me...still waiting for the divorce so that I can move on with my life. I am upset with God because since I'm not divorce that I can't date or be with a man (in that way). But my husband has meant someone, moved on with his life and I'm just stuck! I've got to admit this out loud that I'm still in love with my husband, and I was the one to ask for the divorce long before he meant this person. I had my reasons but they were not reasons enough to get a divorce. I know that's not giving you much to go on, but it is too long and drawn out to go into. Let's just say that our step children didn't give us much of a choice! 

My point is that I'm lonely, I can't do anything to change what is happening in his life...only want the best for us both. I'm jealious that I'm stuck being alone until the divorce. To be honest, I don't want a divorce, but things are what they are. I've meant someone and would really like to date him, and maybe SOMEDAY, give myself to him. I've explain to this deacon of a church, how things are in my life. He seems to understand, but thinks that I am taking the issue of dating way out of proportion. So for now I will only see him once and a while as a friend. That's not so bad but it's been over four years since I've been with a man, and it's starting to get on my LAST nerve! It wakes me up at night, thinking of my husband with this woman, and me left hugging my pillow. The two of them making plans for their life together, and I'm making soup for one! I know I shouldn't think about what's going on in his life because I'm only making things up in my mind about the two of them, and I don't really know for sure how things are...besides it's really none of my business. But he has what I want, a realionship!!! God help me!!!! We were best friends long before we married. Now I can only pray for him and HER because my husband and I are not divorced yet...so I pray for their souls. I must admit that I asked several times for this divorce, even made up tha I was interested in someone else and wanted to get on with my life. Even then he didn't want to divorce even after the separation. Why did I lie!!!!

I'd confessed to the Lord my sins, had prayed about getting back together with my husband! But I gave up hope, after finding out that he recently met someone and was getting married after the divorce, (paper work still haven't been done). It took him 5 years of asking me to marry him before I said yes. Three years of not wanting to divorce me even after I had him to leave the house. I guess I got what I was asking. Now I want my husband back but it is too late. I just didn't want our children (step children) to continue to argue about where we all should live...his state or mine. My husband and I moved around to so many places before we got married to suit the children, and it is because of them, I had to make a decision. Anyways, he's back in his small town were it all begain with his childdren. I'm here in this big city with my children. Too much time has lasped between he and I. I use to think that there was nothing to hard for God. But things are the way there are I guess for a reason. I'm just soooo sick of being lonely. Any advice from my faith believing sisters or brothers...heck or anyone else?


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