# Friendship



## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

My divorce was finalized in April. It was pretty ugly. My ex cheated with his coworker , ect ect said he never loved me bla bla . Wouldn’t allow me to get all my belongings even after court. Ripped a battery out of my vehicle , his little friend has harassed me, he had his friends make face social media profiles to harassed me.I’ve now changed my phone number accounts everything . Ect It was pretty ugly. I guess I’m just trying to reason with why he has a problem with friends. We have a male mutual friend. Been friends all along time. I would never ask people to chose even in such a hostile situation. But he has. He doesn’t want him to remain friends with me. Any reasoning any one can think of?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ldziesinski said:


> My divorce was finalized in April. It was pretty ugly. My ex cheated with his coworker , ect ect said he never loved me bla bla . Wouldn’t allow me to get all my belongings even after court. Ripped a battery out of my vehicle , his little friend has harassed me, he had his friends make face social media profiles to harassed me.I’ve now changed my phone number accounts everything . Ect It was pretty ugly. I guess I’m just trying to reason with why he has a problem with friends. We have a male mutual friend. Been friends all along time. I would never ask people to chose even in such a hostile situation. But he has. He doesn’t want him to remain friends with me. Any reasoning any one can think of?


Massive insecurity. You really just need to continue to break all ties with him so you don't even get feedback about him. You are well rid of him.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Massive insecurity. You really just need to continue to break all ties with him so you don't even get feedback about him. You are well rid of him.


Massive insecurity on my part? At this point I wouldn’t doubt it lol . I was made to feel crazy for so long when I finally found proof I thought nah your still not right lol


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ldziesinski said:


> Massive insecurity on my part? At this point I wouldn’t doubt it lol . I was made to feel crazy for so long when I finally found proof I thought nah your still not right lol


No. On his.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Ldziesinski said:


> ..... Any reasoning any one can think of?


He is deeply ashamed of what he did. He can't admit to what he did, so he has created a "new reality" he wants to adopt and wants all his friends to adopt.

Your best course of action is to look at him and say to yourself that he is a flawed human being and that rather than learning from his mistake and accepting the consequences of his horrible actions he is denying what he did and surrounding himself with yes men who also deny reality. You are better off no longer being with him.

Good Luck. you will find someone else.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

Young at Heart said:


> He is deeply ashamed of what he did. He can't admit to what he did, so he has created a "new reality" he wants to adopt and wants all his friends to adopt.
> 
> Your best course of action is to look at him and say to yourself that he is a flawed human being and that rather than learning from his mistake and accepting the consequences of his horrible actions he is denying what he did and surrounding himself with yes men who also deny reality. You are better off no longer being with him.
> 
> Good Luck. you will find someone else.


I do feel glad to be free of him. Just wish our mutual friends weren’t in that position.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ldziesinski said:


> I do feel glad to be free of him. Just wish our mutual friends weren’t in that position.


Its a little like what happened to my husband with his ex. She got their friends on her side by telling half truths and skewing things. Oh and by omitting to tell them that she had met another man.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Yup. I'm gonna agree that it's massive insecurity on his part also. He needs to keep convincing himself that you're the bad guy, so he can't have any friends that get along with you because it pops that delusional bubble of his.

Don't dwell too much on it. It's always crazy-making with people like your ex. You also find out who your real friends are based on who they believe.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ldziesinski said:


> I do feel glad to be free of him. Just wish our mutual friends weren’t in that position.


It puts them in the middle and even worse than that, it will just keep the toxicity pipeline open if you insist on remaining friends with them.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It puts them in the middle and even worse than that, it will just keep the toxicity pipeline open if you insist on remaining friends with them.


I'm surprised any sensible mutual friend would want to remain friends with him if he's trying to force them to stop being friends with a person he's got a self-perpetuated negative image about.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Spoons027 said:


> I'm surprised any sensible mutual friend would want to remain friends with him if he's trying to force them to stop being friends with a person he's got a self-perpetuated negative image about.


I understand wanting to hold on to friends though. I lost a boyfriend and an 
old friend all at once, and it was pretty devastating. For it sounds so bad that she needs to make a really clean break from him and that means not leaving a gossip grapevine open to perpetuate unpleasantness or abuse.


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## Ldziesinski (Nov 18, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I understand wanting to hold on to friends though. I lost a boyfriend and an
> old friend all at once, and it was pretty devastating. For it sounds so bad that she needs to make a really clean break from him and that means not leaving a gossip grapevine open to perpetuate unpleasantness or abuse.


100% I’ve been thinking about just cutting those ties as well, but then I feel I’d be no better then him. I’ve just driven myself crazy trying to figure out why it would matter. It doesn’t to me .


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ldziesinski said:


> 100% I’ve been thinking about just cutting those ties as well, but then I feel I’d be no better then him. I’ve just driven myself crazy trying to figure out why it would matter. It doesn’t to me .


I don't recommend that you use him for your ethical yardstick. Do what you yourself feels is best and will leave a clear path for healing.


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