# Invited to H's female friend's party and feel uncomfortable



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Me and my H have been invited to a party on Saturday. It is being held by an old female friend of his at her house. We have a lot of mutual friends and recently my H's best friend temporarily split with his W as he was having feelings for this woman.

The other thing is that many years ago before I knew my H, him and this woman had a make out session. They were both drunk one night at a bar and kissed. My H's best friend who liked this woman back then was horrified and they fell out for a short time.

This woman is nice. She's pleasant enough and friendly to me. I get the feeling she's always been wary of me in wondering how well matched me and my H are.

Anyway. Post my H's EA, I feel somewhat uncomfortable with the prospect of this party and him being round her. I have no reason to think anything would happen, her and his friend have an ongoing preoccupation with each other and my H hardly sees or speaks to her nowadays.

Since his EA it's been clear he can't have female friends but given they've known each other years but hardly see each other, I don't know whether to say I feel uncomfortable. I suppose the fact they've kissed previously makes me more conscious of feeling uncomfortable but I think if I say anything he'll tell me I'm being ridiculous.

Thoughts please?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Tricky situation. I would probably go and look hot and show people that my husband and I are a unit.

If there are other people there, I don't see it as a problem. If you don't go, and he still goes then I would be uncomfortable.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

This is a great opportunity for you.

Tell him it makes you uncomfortable.

You are entitled to feel this way, it's "normal". He has done this to you. these are the consequences of betrayal. 

His reaction should give you a good barometer of where you are in your reconciliation and the chances that it is genuine.

If he discounts, or dismisses your feelings... I'm very sorry.

If he acknowledges your feelings and shows genuine understanding or empathy... That would be a great sign.

Based on how he reacts, you can re-asses how you feel about going.


----------



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

I wouldn't be happy with him going by himself. It would definitely violate my boundaries. I like the idea of going and looking hot though!

I wasn't sure whether to mention my feelings or not. There has never been anything to make me think there's anything between them; however given what has happened with his EA, I would definitely now not be comfortable for them to ever be alone together. I haven't mentioned it simply because the subject has never arisen since his EA. She's loud but quite sensitive and also good looking and a handful of our guy friends like her. I guess I'm concerned slightly as my H is the "in-between" with her and his best friend and I worry she may start confiding in him privately and I wouldn't know how to deal with that. In short it wouldn't be acceptable but I would have no idea how to start that conversation... "Darling, you know that friend you've had since high school and long before you met me? Well I don't want you to be friends with her anymore... Because she's a GIRL." Can't think how I'd phrase that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Me, personally, I wouldn't say a darn thing. I'd just look hot, be amazingly friendly and show the world that I am an awesome, hot wife whose husband adores her.

Go shine!

You can voice your opinion about opposite friendships and talk about boundaries for your marriage. Since he's had an EA, he obviously has a hard time with boundaries so you aren't wrong in being concerned.

However, for tonight, I wouldn't say anything. It's a party. I doubt she'll glom onto your man.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Okay, I may be reading too much between the lines here, but WHs friend is separated because he has feelings for this woman and they have an ongoing "preoccupation"(?), and a lot of the guys like her? Was she having an EA/PA with the friend? And why does she not have a man of her own if she's so attractive? This woman has no problem poaching another woman's man, and would most likely do yours if your WH showed more interest. 

If you simply have no choice but to go, yes, I would say to look as hot as possible. Out vamp her or whatever it is you women do. Besides, we men do know that you women mainly dress to impress other women in these situations.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

For sure! I love dressing hot for my hubs when we go out, but if it was this situation, I'd up it a notch. Fun! have fun, OP, getting ready! Go all out. Tweeze, shave, curl, do it!


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Yeah...

I guess I thought about it. Since you guys are attempting genuine reconciliation and trying to build a sustainable trusting marriage that will last the rest of your lives... 

This is not the time to try to communicate and be honest with each other. 

You should just dress up all hot & sexy and pretend it doesnt bother you. Just bury those feelings of distrust, and fear. Now is a perfect time to be fake, communication and honesty are way over rated anyway. 

Just get over it. Those feelings will go away, just ignore them.

Enjoy the party. 

[/sarcasm]

lol.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Or she could make a big effing deal about this and make a fight for no reason.

People exist. You can't hide in your house afraid your mate will talk to another woman/man. You can't demand that they become shell ins.

This is a party. Many people will be there. It's not a double date or just going to this woman's house to hang out with her.

She could tell her husband she's a little uncomfortable because of his past with this woman and go from there, but jesus...


----------



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Okay, I may be reading too much between the lines here, but WHs friend is separated because he has feelings for this woman and they have an ongoing "preoccupation"(?), and a lot of the guys like her? Was she having an EA/PA with the friend? And why does she not have a man of her own if she's so attractive? This woman has no problem poaching another woman's man, and would most likely do yours if your WH showed more interest.
> 
> If you simply have no choice but to go, yes, I would say to look as hot as possible. Out vamp her or whatever it is you women do. Besides, we men do know that you women mainly dress to impress other women in these situations.


H's friend separated from his W partly due to having feelings for the female friend. Both my H and his male friend have known this woman way before I met my H. My H's friend dated her when younger. A while after was wgen my H made out with her.

She is dating one of the best friend's work colleagues. Perversely, H's best friend's W, after finding out why he'd moved out, said she refused to break up her friendship with this woman (they have grown close over the last few years) and now they are back together, H's male friend has to put up with seeing this woman when they all know the feelings involved (H's female friend has strong feelings back for his male friend.)

Twisted? Yes.

I guess I worry my H might get drawn in as the shoulder to cry on. I believe he's learned from what happened but we all know how these things can start... But being honest even if she only got drunk and saw him as a shoulder tp cry on in a purely supportive way, if I saw him hugging her or comforting her I'd go ballistic. That *definitely* would violate my boundaries. I'd be furious. How would you handle that even if it *was* innocent?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

No reason to make a big deal about it I say you take both pieces of advice.

Let your husband now he`s taking you into a situation that`s going to be a bit uncomfortable for you.
This way he`s sure to be on his best behavior and paying attention to your mood.

Then go to the party as that_girl has said and you`ll have a better chance of having fun.


----------

