# Beware of the Counselor



## OnTheBrink (Dec 4, 2011)

I know this site seems to be sponsored by counselors, so this post may not be that well-received. But I feel the need to get this message out, as I am very dissatisfied with the individual counseling I've received for issues in my marriage. I ignored some warning signs and excused some bad advice to continue with my counselor mostly because he was already up to speed on my situation and I didn’t want to start over. (somewhat like sticking with a bad marriage I guess)

Specifically, he tries to influence me to stay in a bad relationship. What I mean by that is not that he encourages me to stick with my marriage which is bad, but that he discourages me from leaving but instead of providing tools to help fix it attempts to “stir the pot” similar to what he accuses the divorce lawyers of doing. Interestingly, lawyers are held to a much higher standard and can lose their ability to practice law if they engage in unethical behavior in their position. Who is keeping the counselors accountable?

For a specific example, when I told him I decided to try separation he paints a picture that it will surely lead to divorce and then exaggerates the financial implications of divorce. I knew they were exaggerated at the time, but it still caused me to have second thoughts and change my course of action. Now I’ve finally employed a temporary separation, but under much less ideal circumstances. Recently I’m talking with him about my thoughts on how to make the marriage work, and he starts painting divorce as a more attractive option.

I understand that he has no actual power and ultimately I am responsible for the decisions I make. That being said I have decided that I will no longer give him the opportunity to influence me. He can not be trusted as an advisor. Unfortunately, as a side effect, this now has me turned off on the idea of seeking more marriage counseling. Again, there are going to be good and bad people in any profession, and I do think people should seek counsel early for marital problems. They should just do so with a careful eye – knowing that counselor's are doing this for their livelihood and that your continuing to come back is in their financial best interest. For my marriage though – things have gone too long and too far. We have been through enough counseling and such to know what is needed. We just have to decide for ourselves what will be best for us and our children. I can’t risk at this point, someone else stirring the pot and confusing the issues.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Not every counselor is going to be a good match for you. My first marriage counselor did more harm than good. I actually ended up in individual counseling, in part, due to him. My individual therapist was a perfect match for me. You may want to look for another therapist.


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