# Decision Time



## Alexander1 (Apr 25, 2013)

Good Morning!

First of all, many thanks for reading my message, your comments and advice would be much appreciated!

I will try to keep it as short as possible:

Im 38 years old and have been married for almost 6 years. Im English, my wife Mexican and we have a near 3 year old boy who is the apple of my eye. We live in Monterrey, Mexico.

Even before the marriage, i had serious questions over whether it was the right decision. At the time, i was in love with my now wife but she has a teenage daughter who was intent on making things difficult for us despite my best intentions to make a happy home. As far as violence, slamming the car door on my hand, very discreetly saying rude things to me when no-one was around.... it was difficult. Anyway, i managed to ride the storm as (i believe) i am a very loyal person, i believe in the virtues of marriage and am prepared to work hard at it, but a tense atmosphere in the house is not nice after a day at work.

Anyway, she (the teenage daughter) has now left the house and is living elsewhere and seems to be happy enough.

Early in the marriage, it was obvious we had some serious cultural problems. First up, my wife doesnt speak English and my Spanish was "ok" but not great (love conquers all right??) We have a big difference in educational background, up-bringing expectations of responsibilities in a marriage. To this day, my wife has made no effort to learn or speak English.

I (think) im romantic, i like attention to detail, flowers, gifts, vacations etc and im very ambitous with my job so that we can progress as a family and live well.

This is where the buck stops: My wife is zero romantic, zero details etc. Many times i have actually had to ask her "do you love me?" as i dont feel or see anything whatsoever.

Example: On my birthday, we went to the Mall. i was hoping that i would recieve something nice, doesnt need to anything expensive, just something that she had thought about and bought with love. So, we leave the Mall, nothing... on the highway, we pass a book store, my wife asks to stop. She goes in and comes out 2 minutes later with a book on Salmon Fishing and says "happy birthday" lol this was at 11pm having spent the whole day in the Mall. (i dont like salmon fishing)

Like i say, zero details, i dont see or feel any of her love.

Next up, on a day-to-day basis i work long hours, from 5am to 8pm and when i get in, sometimes there is not even a sandwich prepared for me. We have a maid and a nanny so there isnt any excuse that there is no time to do anything. Im not an old fashioned husband who expects his wife to be at home in the kitchen all day, but i dont think its unfair that there might be a nice meal to come home to...???

So, to cut a long story short, i had reservations before the marriage, but went ahead with it. I (believe) my wife wants for nothing and is living a very good life-style, certainly one she has not lived before and is giving virtually nothing in return.

My main issue is we have a 3 year old boy who, ofcourse, i love more than the world. Im scared if i divorce, he will be influenced by my wife and her families level of expectation / morals / education and that i cant protect him or help him develop as well. ok, this is a horrible thing to say regarding my wife, but she comes from a very, very poor back-ground.

Finally, im sick to death of dragging my wife along. She doesnt show any motivation to be better or that as a family we progress and leaves literally everything to me. 

Example: right now, i am considering buying a property. Its going to cost every cent i have, plus my parents are going to loan the difference. On Tuesday, i was running around like a head-less chicken gathering the paper-work as well as working and i was missing the marriage certificate. I asked "do you have it" to which she said "yes, will get it later" i asked her if it was possible she could do it now (the cupboard was 2 metres from where she was sitting) and she said "nooooo i will do it later" Anyway, i had to leave as i had a meeting and she got angry with me that i was obsessing over the certificate. I explained i wanted to do it today as 1: very motivated to get in done and excited for the project and 2: the next 3 days are busy at work and i dont have time. Still nothing.

Throw on top of this the fact that my father (who is here on vacation) gave us half (over $150,000) and she did not even say "thanks"

Anyway, it feels SO de-motivating to be with someone like that.

So, to conclude: after 6 years of the above, im really sick of it. Am tired, drained and i dont really love my wife anymore. But i am worried about my son and that he will be ok. We have tried counselling etc and she isnt interested.

What do i do??? Its one of those things, where its not "so bad" in that its not violent, abusive or anything too off the wall.... its just love-less.


The only bit im missing, as my friends tell me, is to get some pants and tell her i want a divorce but i want to make sure i have explored every avenue and got several opinions first.... it feels like i have tried everything and have got nothing left to give.

Many, many thanks in advance for your comments and i am extremely grateful for all your advice!!

Take care,


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