# Drama Never Ends



## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Just as I'm for real making some progress she lets me know that her and the OM are over. Didn't say she wanted _me_ back or anything this time but wanted me to know she had for real ended it with him.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me think about things again.

I still love her and miss her but am acutely aware of the fact that she doesn't even want to get back together and I've grown quite a bit myself away from wanting her back.

Can anyone think of anything I should do? One last chance at saving this...


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

Keep on keepin on. Let her do the leg work and if she proves enough to you that she is 100% into working on the marriage AND at that point YOU still want the marriage, then both of you work your asses off to make it work. Otherwise, keep on working on YOU and keep your chin up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Didn't she just sort of came back but left afterwards few days ago? Don't get your hopes high. 

Have her come to you and try to fix it, otherwise you know what she is going to do, again.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

keko said:


> Didn't she just sort of came back but left afterwards few days ago? Don't get your hopes high.
> 
> Have her come to you and try to fix it, otherwise you know what she is going to do, again.


Yep, that's exactly what happened. She "came back" but went back to him w/in 24 hours. No hopes or expectations from me for sure. She hasn't given me anything to hope for or anything this time... I'm just asking all my best friends here b/c I know you will steer me in the right direction :smthumbup:


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Make her chase you.

Quit talking.

Have her put forth her "proposal"

And, it should not/must not be "business as usual"

You'll know if she's serious by what she says/does.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

FWIW, she is a WAW at heart so I'd say it is done. I wish she would make a damn case but she never has. Argh!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

sd212 said:


> FWIW, she is a WAW at heart so I'd say it is done. I wish she would make a damn case but she never has. Argh!


Go silent.

If she approaches you, tell her you'll listen.

Don't lead the discussion.

You'll know by what she says.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

sd212 said:


> Yep, that's exactly what happened. She "came back" but went back to him w/in 24 hours. No hopes or expectations from me for sure. She hasn't given me anything to hope for or anything this time... I'm just asking all my best friends here b/c I know you will steer me in the right direction :smthumbup:


You never know but if she truly comes back and show's remorse, you might want to look into having her sign a postnuptial agreement which she would lose everything and no spousal support as a condition.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Her family really loves me and hates the decision she has made. I talked to 4 of them today (they all approached me) and they went out of their way to tell me how much they are thinking of me and want this to change.

It would be stupid to ask them to talk to her, right?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

sd212 said:


> Her family really loves me and hates the decision she has made. I talked to 4 of them today (they all approached me) and they went out of their way to tell me how much they are thinking of me and want this to change.
> 
> It would be stupid to ask them to talk to her, right?


Ridiculously stupid


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Do. Nothing.

Say. Nothing.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

My in laws talk to him about it without my solicitation. They are like your in laws. Sad, disappointed. When they approach him, he gets super defensive and angry. I think it just makes things worse and makes him shut down even more.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Wildflower3 said:


> My in laws talk to him about it without my solicitation. They are like your in laws. Sad, disappointed. When they approach him, he gets super defensive and angry. I think it just makes things worse and makes him shut down even more.


AND... if she were to find out he asked?

sd212 - with that said, I COMPLETELY understand the temptation.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

sd212 said:


> Her family really loves me and hates the decision she has made. I talked to 4 of them today (they all approached me) and they went out of their way to tell me how much they are thinking of me and want this to change.
> 
> It would be stupid to ask them to talk to her, right?


I'm in the same boat. My ex's family love me very much, and feel bad about the decision. However, ultimately they want their daughter/sister/niece to be happy, and ultimately, I'm just a guy.

Like Conrad, I understand the temptation, but really... it's a no-brainer. Don't.

Your wife's actions will tell you what her words cannot. I wish you well. For example, a month ago my ex claimed to be "undecided". We've been separated for 4 months now. Her actions tell me it's over. A bitter pill I am still swallowing, but each week is slightly better than the next. I am not sharing this to discourage you, just to emphasize that communication will be much more than what she ever says to you.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

Key word of the day.

Remorse. 

If she doesn't have, don't put that damaged heart back in her hands.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Traggy said:


> Key word of the day.
> 
> Remorse.
> 
> If she doesn't have, don't put that damaged heart back in her hands.


No way to say it better.

If she's a emotionally broken person (bad childhood, etc.), there's likely no sign of remorse - nor will there be.

It will all be sd212's fault.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

sd212 said:


> Yep, that's exactly what happened. She "came back" but went back to him w/in 24 hours. No hopes or expectations from me for sure. She hasn't given me anything to hope for or anything this time... I'm just asking all my best friends here b/c I know you will steer me in the right direction :smthumbup:


Honestly, I doubt you could ever trust her again. I think it was pretty mean what she did, when she came back, and then went back to him. Look, it's going to hurt, but you're basically second choice, she knows you're a decent guy, and is playing you.

Move ahead and don't rush anything, keep detaching yourself, and if you see real change, I mean earth shattering change, then you can decide if you would R.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Don't talk to her.

Don't think about her. 

Don't think about talking to her. 

She and the OM are just going through a rough patch. I predict she'll be back with him in a week. 

Leave her family out of it. You're the one who married this vampire. Don't drag others in your mess. This is your problem to deal with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

SD: Like Bandit said I think she's just going through some problems with OM and may be back with him in no time. Don't get your hopes up. I think it's best for you to divorce her. That way she knows you are really ready to move on with your life. If she really breaks up with OM for good let her go through the loneliness and not having someone just like she left you. Then wait and see. Don't settle for less. Don't give in until she shows you REAL remorse. Let her be the one chasing you. And don't make this mistake I made when I got back with STBXW after we separated last year. Don't rush things or put pressure on her. If you two get back together let it be because she misses you and really want to fix things by regaining your trust and putting YOU FIRST. Good luck man.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Lifescript said:


> SD: Like Bandit said I think she's just going through some problems with OM and may be back with him in no time. Don't get your hopes up. I think it's best for you to divorce her. That way she knows you are really ready to move on with your life. If she really breaks up with OM for good let her go through the loneliness and not having someone just like she left you.


This is really interesting. I think she's legit about ending it w/ OM but I had not thought about the idea that she might go through something akin to what I did. I wonder if she will be lonely or just simply fill her life with some new crap.
*We've signed, just awaiting the day with the judge.* She's got about 30 days so we will see what happens.

I wish she would get her damn head straight and realize what she's doing. I miss her so f*cking much sometimes.
I sure am doing well though compared to a few months ago. She seems pretty convinced that we are not meant to be but who knows, her mind changes daily at this point.

I'm glad I've gotten off the roller coaster for the time being.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

bandit.45 said:


> Don't talk to her.
> 
> Don't think about her.
> 
> ...


Some women really enjoy it when the "guys are competing for me"

Don't lose sight of this.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

SD: I can tell you from personal experience that one never knows what can happen in the future. First time I separated from STBXW I thought I'd never go back with her. Then came me finding out about her thing w/ OM and I stupidly went back to her. I got so crazy emotionally. It's like I realized I didn't want to lose her or my family. 

Even if she says she doesn't think you guys will get back together you never know. All I can tell you is to really meditate about the things that have gotten you here. What things you have to change in you to live a happy life with her if you end up together. But I tell you ... one thing you have to really pay attention to is her motives for wanting to get back together if she decides to go that route. Don't settle for being the guy she went back to after OM didn't work out. If she is back with you make sure is because 1 she loves you 2 have gain respect for you 3 (very important) is committed to you forever, will not cheat again and will work hard to build trust again.


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## gear1903 (Apr 2, 2012)

sd212, i'm in the exact position you are in - wife says she's given up the OM, i believe her, but regardless, she doesn't want to R right now. we've worked out a no-fault divorce (which we can in my state) and are doing an inventory of our stuff to see how to divide it up (which is taking some time). everday she seems to switch b/w being totally cool w/ the D and breaking down in tears. it hurts me so much, b/c like you i'm always holding out hope. however, as ppl here are saying, she hasn't asked to R, so i'm moving on w/ the filing. i don't think she will fully gain the desire to R until she has had months, maybe years, of searching for herself. it kills me to let this go, but i've done everything i can and we are just so exhausted.

i dont know what other advice i can give than stay strong until she asks to R. you cannot change her mind right now, she has to be the one to come back and ask to R. then you can decide what is best for YOU.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think the rough patch with OM was when she came back the 1st time. They're probably broken up and it will be a matter of time when she gets a new guy. This is her life now, going from guy to guy.

You will beable to tell, she will wants to get close, then she will be distant, then close again, then distant. Yes her new life going from one relationship to another.

You will be best served to distance yourself when she is in between boy friends.

I could be wrong, but give it a year, I may be proven right. Follow through with the divorce, and let her behavior be your guild, not her words.


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