# The chronically sarcastic husband



## Veronica Jackson

He is getting on my last nerve. I'm a student, a mother (from another relationship), unemployed and My husband is always making cutting remarks (especially in front of other people).

He would says things like:

When he had roommates: "When they used to live here, the house was spotless and dinner was made every night."

On Valentine's Day (in front of about 6-7 people): "Are you paying for your dinner? Where is all of your money?"

When he bought groceries the day his houseguest arrived, he said this right in front of everyone: "This is the last time I'm buying groceries, I'm tired of buying groceries, next time YOU are buying them." 

The top rack of our dishwasher keeps coming undone (without much force), 2 days ago it came loose again as i was putting the dishes in, he and or houseguest came home and he saw what happened. "What did you do to that dishwasher now?"

Finally, anything that goes wrong in the house "Why did you do that for?"

I used to be able to handle this like a champ but lately, I've been "shutting down" and becoming non-responsive and shrug it off. But inside, I am really hurt and feel like crying and am afraid even to talk to him. He is constantly throwing cutting remarks.


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## MarkTwain

So let's here the other side of it...
How have you been treating him for the past 12 months?


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## Margaret

And then does he say "oh I'm just kidding"


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## Veronica Jackson

MarkTwain said:


> So let's here the other side of it...
> How have you been treating him for the past 12 months?


I don't do sarcasm


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## Veronica Jackson

Margaret said:


> And then does he say "oh I'm just kidding"


Yep, then accuses me of not having a sense of humor.

I'll laugh when something is funny, but he does this all the time and sometimes I can't tell if he is just joking around or is being serious.


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## MarkTwain

Chikki Jaxun said:


> I don't do sarcasm


I think you just did...

But seriously... what I meant was, have you been treating him badly at all. Does he have any complaints of his own that mirror yours?


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## Margaret

Chikki Jaxun said:


> Yep, then accuses me of not having a sense of humor.
> 
> I'll laugh when something is funny, but he does this all the time and sometimes I can't tell if he is just joking around or is being serious.



OMG are we married to the same man. If I've heart it once I've heard it a thousand times "you have no sense of humor"


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## Margaret

MarkTwain said:


> I think you just did...
> 
> But seriously... what I meant was, have you been treating him badly at all. Does he have any complaints of his own that mirror yours?


I know this is not directed at me since it's not my post but I know when he's not getting enough, it gets worse.

How freaking childish.

I don't wanna give any becaue I feel belittled.

How's that for a chicken and egg situation!


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## MarkTwain

Margaret said:


> How's that for a chicken and egg situation!


You said it


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## Veronica Jackson

lol

I treat him like a king, the house is tidy, he gets home his spot on the sofa is always ready for him. I'll cook a meal if there is something to cook.


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## Margaret

Chikki Jaxun said:


> lol
> 
> I treat him like a king, the house is tidy, he gets home his spot on the sofa is always ready for him. I'll cook a meal if there is something to cook.


Same here. My husband never had it so good. 

I feel like a *^%$& maid sometimes.


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## Veronica Jackson

I'm just damn tired of the sarcasm and I'm tired of being a housewife. I used to work all the time, now that we live in this small town jobs are really hard to get. I've sent out about 6 resumes this moth so far and I'm dying to get the hell out of this house.

I want to be able to contribute a lot more money to this house but it is challenging. I only make a pittance being a student. (I'm studying computer programming).


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## MarkTwain

OK, I'll come to the point... he sounds like he is sexually frustrated, but hasn't got the guts to spell it out.


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## Veronica Jackson

Margaret said:


> Same here. My husband never had it so good.
> 
> I feel like a *^%$& maid sometimes.



Exactly, he just leaves his mess where it is and I have to clean it up constantly. Yeah sometimes I wont but that's because I may have a heavy assignment due or I'm too damn tired.

I feel bad about my situation and it makes me feel powerless. Once we went out and somebody overheard the way he talked to me and was gonna take him outside.


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## Veronica Jackson

MarkTwain said:


> OK, I'll come to the point... he sounds like he is sexually frustrated, but hasn't got the guts to spell it out.


He gets sex all the time, that department is no problem at all. Sometimes he doesn't give it up enough.


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## MarkTwain

Chikki Jaxun said:


> Sometimes he doesn't give it up enough.


I'm from the UK, can you explain that phrase?


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## Margaret

MarkTwain said:


> OK, I'll come to the point... he sounds like he is sexually frustrated, but hasn't got the guts to spell it out.


I think that is the exact case in my house. Hubby wants it 3-4 times a week. I'm good with once a month. But when we were dating it was 7 times a week.

What happened to me? Well life took over. That is normal. But I do want that intimacy back.

What do you do when he is frustrated and you want to provide it but every night you are like "i'm too tired" and just go to bed. Or you feel stupid putting on something sexy because you are in the aftermath of a fight. 

How do you get that ball rolling again, so to speak. Things are super tense right now so I have to clue where to start....


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## Margaret

Chikki Jaxun said:


> He gets sex all the time, that department is no problem at all. Sometimes he doesn't give it up enough.



I get turned down... but I never turn down.... (though I will yawn a lot if I can tell he's feeling in the mood and I'm not).


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## MarkTwain

Margret, I already wrote somthing in your thread:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/4149-wits-end.html

So perhaps I should continue there?
(otherwise I'm going to get confused )


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## Veronica Jackson

MarkTwain said:


> I'm from the UK, can you explain that phrase?


he gets frigid


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## MarkTwain

Oh, you said "give it up", I guess that was a typo for "get it up"?


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## MarkTwain

Semen Retention would help that, but it might make his sarcasm worse... Oh dear.


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## Veronica Jackson

MarkTwain said:


> Oh, you said "give it up", I guess that was a typo for "get it up"?


He should, I'm friggin hot!

I can't understand my husband. perhaps he was raised "old school" where his mother quietly took her husband's constant put-downs.


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## MarkTwain

OK, so let's go into this... is there a difference in mood between the days when he gets it up, and the days when he doesn't? How often does he fail to get an erection?


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## Veronica Jackson

the erection isn't the problem, he just is "not in the mood" sometimes. His mood seems always the same, he's a tough read.


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## MarkTwain

I meant the mood between you. Also what about your mood?


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## dude

Chikki: from a man's perspective, it could be a few things. As men get older, the drive goes down some. 

Some of us guys don't have urges as much as we did when we were 18. 

It could also be about the repetitiveness of the act. With lotta guys, it's fresh and exciting at first so they want it a lot. Then after hundreds of times later, going through the motions over and over, it becomes tedious. At that point, attractiveness is really about playing around with fantasies and things like that, and what turns him on about your personality.

It could also secretly be an wee-wee problem...if that makes any sense. 

Hope I've given some good insight.


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## Veronica Jackson

Sarcasm at it again, grrrr. 

I just have to find ways to deal with this crap. He gets under my skin and I have to find ways to make sure I can fend off these passive aggressive attacks.

He was a loving husband until our house guest came back. His tone changed and it sounded so awful that I can't help but feel terrible afterward. I hate it when he acts that way in front of his friends because I feel defenseless.

Please, somebody help me in this crap. I need to find a good way to deal with this childish behavior because I just feel that it is destructive to our relationship.

btw, I can't talk to him about it so we can rule out that approach.


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## Veronica Jackson

dude,

thanks for the insight I found your post to be the most helpful when addressing the sex issue. Perhaps a break from his mundane task may prove helpful. In the meantime, it wouldn't hurt to go window shopping for lingerie for inspiration.


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## MarkTwain

Chikki Jaxun-

I feel for you. There is no reason for you to put up with his sarcasm. You could try asking if something is bothering him. Wait until he is at his (relatively) most relaxed, perhaps after a hot bath.

But first and foremost, if you have searched your own heart and can't find anything you are doing to create it, then out of love for yourself you should not put up with it. The moment you hear a bad tone, you should tell him off.

You sound like me in that you are tone sensitive. In other words you are primarily an audio person. If he is not an audio type he may think he is cleverly masking his annoyance by not always saying nasty things - but you of course pick up the tone, and know his disdainful mood straight away.


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## moogvo

That is not sarcasm... that is just being an A$$. My wife and her family are all sarcastic and easily cross the line over into "jerk" territory. What you have to do is to stop rolling over and playing hurt and dead when he pulls that crap... Have a come-back that will put him into his place. Tell him that he doesn't have the right to talk to you that way.

tell him that "The butler shouldn't have to buy the groceries". Maybe you should tell him that if he would get out his man tools and fix the broken dishwasher like any other man, then it wouldn't fall apart.

Stand up for yourself! If YOU don't respect you, then HE won't either!

What we have here is a classic case of one not seeing any value in what the other one does to contribute to the house.

My wife is the bread-winner (but not by much) and if she made a habit of belittling me, I would make a habit of her being single.

~Moog


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## Veronica Jackson

^^you are right!

I was thinking about his jerk comments last night. Here's the deal, I have problems getting a job to fit my mother hours so he decided that I should work for him managing the books for his business, so I met wit his accountant and learned what I had to do.

He is opening the mail last night (for the business) our house guest is present, he then blurts out that whats in the mail is none of my business and to keep doing nothing all day as per usual. I was like wtf! I clean this massive house, take care of my own children, keep his papers in order, cook meals, go to school do homework and assist my children with their assignments. when his son comes here to visit, he basically hangs out with me.

I'm definitely getting my spine back and thickening my skin, I think its time for a reality check. 

Mark,

As far as asking him what is wrong, been there done that. No results.


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## Veronica Jackson

Alright. Step 1. If jerk husband won't listen, perhaps he will read so I have sent him an email of an article of the effects of sarcasm on a relationship. I have bolded some key phrases so he will get the jist of the message without reading the entire article.

Does Sarcasm Belong in Our Relationships? 
The FrogBuster: A Girl's Guide for Survival in the Dating Swamp 

What is sarcasm? The dictionary calls it a sharply ironical taunt or gibe; a sneering or cutting remark. It's a popular form of joking because of its seemingly fun interaction. It seems fun, witty, shows a bit of brilliance on the part of the one who delivered it. It can also create an atmosphere of competition as one remark often generates a response of equal or greater brilliance. This interaction is sometimes called playful bantering. 

We watch sarcasm constantly on our favorite sitcoms. Perhaps because we see it so often, we may be tempted to insert sarcastic remarks itself into marital and family interactions. But does sarcasm belong in our relationships? 

The greater brilliance of sarcasm is often in the cutting aspect. Once you understand that, you’re not far from understanding that sarcastic remarks aren’t as innocent as they may seem. 

A sarcastic remark among friends does not seem that harmful because it's a joke, after all. Right? But there may be real harm underneath the joke. *Cutting words uttered with a sugar coating of humor can cause deeply hurt feelings. The one receiving the remark is left to wonder if the deliverer really thinks what he said. And the usual conclusion is that he does. *

An uncle watching an animal show about the big-beaked toucan turns to his teen nephew and says, "Look — there's your twin." All in the room laugh because of course nobody has a nose as big as a toucan's beak. But the nephew is left to wonder, “Is my nose really big?” He becomes self-conscious about the size of his nose from that point on. The uncle, on the other hand, didn't think a thing of it because everybody laughed. He was actually quite pleased with himself for making such a quick-witted quip. Would he have thought so highly of himself if he knew how it made his nephew feel? 

Sarcasm can also cover true feelings a person has about another. For example, you may have a negative feeling about your spouse or child. You want to express your feelings but are not brave enough to do it directly so instead you say it sarcastically — with a touch of humor. Your spouse or child is left to interpret your "true" feelings, and this usually has a negative effect on the relationship. 

The term sarcasm comes from the Greek word sarkasmos, which in turn derives from the verb sarkazsein, meaning, "to tear the flesh." It may be that sarcasm originated as a metaphorical idea that someone who uses sarcasm is "cutting up" the person that is the target of the remark. Indeed, sarcasm is a "tearing," not of the flesh, but of the feelings. Is this what you want in your relationship: torn feelings under the disguise of humor? 

Two illustrations from The FrogBuster: A Girl’s Guide for Survival in the Dating Swamp based on true stories, show the effects of sarcasm further: 

Cathy had a brother, whom she adored. One day as she and her brother were working out he told her in a joking brotherly way, "You sweat pretty for a fat girl." It may seem like a silly statement because Cathy was not at all fat. But it left Cathy wondering, “Did he mean I'm pretty, or that I'm fat?” Because of this nonsense statement, Cathy had a fat complex throughout her high school years and early adulthood. 

Parents and partners who issue a steady stream of sarcastic remarks can expect injuries. We are not saying to stop all playful interaction, but interaction that is cutting, especially when delivered as a joke, should be removed from your playful arsenal. If your loved one tells you that you offended them with your remark, or that it bothers them, respect that and stop. Don't be too proud to apologize, even if your remark seems like no big deal to you. 


Just remember we reap what we sow. *In marriage, sarcasm is one of the things that can kill love and a family*. Some parents are able to dish out sarcasm but get upset when their children treat them sarcastically. The children see the parents as hypocritical. And, as we can see from our actual examples, sarcasm can have lasting effects for years to come — all under the guise of humor. 


*If you interact in a sarcastic manner, and if you want to see your relationship improve, try removing the sarcasm from your interaction. *It is one of the fastest ways to see improvement in marital interaction. You may find changing such interaction takes constant effort. It does for most people. Just remember, the next time you go to deliver a sarcastic remark, before you say it, think of the possible outcome. Ask yourself if you want the tearing part of the comment to have the effect on your loved one that it probably will have. If not, the remark would be better off left unsaid. There are plenty of healthy ways to fit humor into your marriage and relationships without the tearing of emotional flesh. Another interesting outcome of not using sarcasm anymore is you will begin to notice how often others use it. If you start to observe others' use of sarcasm you will be amazed at how often sarcasm finds its way into our interaction. It may give you some insight into how much you have been using it without even realizing it. 

*Make a conscious effort to break the sarcasm habit and watch your relationships improve.
*


My words to my jerk husband.

Yep, I am offended by your sarcasm as you take it to levels that scream jerk. Doing when we have house guests is unacceptable. If you have a problem, we should talk about it.


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## MarkTwain

Chikki Jaxun-

I think you did exactly the right thing. But you have to keep doing it. Don't let up until you get a sorry.


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## Veronica Jackson

Oh yes I do believe I have. My backbone is recovering very very fast. 

His response to it was that he doesn't need the drama right now and that he has some issues with me as well. I completely understand and respect that and should have told him to read that email before he comes home from work.

I'm looking forward to our talk later on, seems that this approach really worked for me. I just hope I can handle any cutting remarks he may dish out. I ain't perfect either and there are two sides to the story, his needs to be heard. Using the passive-aggressive approach doesn't work for us.

So I sent another email...

ok lets get something clear before you come home. 

1. I am not being dramatic, I'm just simply stating how I am feeling..which is frustrated.

2. I understand that you are under alot of stress so perhaps this isn't the right time to deal with this. Nonetheless, it must be dealt with.

3. I feel helpless that I can't help you more financially but am willing to do whatever I can to be here for you as your wife.

4. The past few weeks has been a roller coaster for me and I won't deny it, it is something you are ill-equipped in dealing with which is fine. I've dealt with this **** before. Its something I can deal with on my own. I'm not a total issue girl. I can handle it.

5. I understand that guys have a thicker skin for sarcasm but please understand that right now maybe not the best time to dish it all out. Believe me, my skin is getting thicker by the second so I won't be that emotional mess that I've been. This is a crucial part of the process.

6. I apologize for making you look at that email, but perhaps I should have said read it over before you come home. 

7. I love you more than I ever loved anybody in my life.

carry on.


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## Veronica Jackson

I might add...

He's a Leo.
I'm an Aries.

we are madly in love. but grrrr does he ever grind my gears.


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## moogvo

Well, it seems to me that you ARE employed... You are handling the books for his business... That in itself is a job. Does he pay you for it?

It also seems that you are the butler for the household. Butlers are typically reserved for the wealthy and come at a high price. Are you being monetarily compensated for THAT?

I am a guy and even I know that he is a jerk. Leave the housework and his books undone for a few weeks and see how much he thinks you are worth!

"Sorry dude... you'll have to wear your cleanest dirty underwear today."


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## MarkTwain

moogvo said:


> "Sorry dude... you'll have to wear your cleanest dirty underwear today."


ewww


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## Veronica Jackson

moogvo said:


> Well, it seems to me that you ARE employed... You are handling the books for his business... That in itself is a job. Does he pay you for it?
> 
> It also seems that you are the butler for the household. Butlers are typically reserved for the wealthy and come at a high price. Are you being monetarily compensated for THAT?
> 
> I am a guy and even I know that he is a jerk. Leave the housework and his books undone for a few weeks and see how much he thinks you are worth!
> 
> "Sorry dude... you'll have to wear your cleanest dirty underwear today."


I don't get compensation, writing little programs for school is time consuming and tedious enough that my nerves of steel have become nerves of rubber. 

As a matter of fact I gave up hitting him up for cash his response is always "J..SUS!", had to borrow 5 bucks from my daughter for gas money to drive them to their fathers this past Sunday. My gears are grinding.


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## moogvo

Again, remember that your contributions to the house and to him earn you the right to have the things you need. You are not a charity case or a beggar. You deserve to be taken care of on the same level that you take care of him. Being the "Domestic Partner" is harder than any other job I have ever had. Believe me, you more than earn your place and anything you need.

This guy isn't your dad and you are not asking to borrow the car. He is your husband and it is his responsibility to make sure that you are provided for. You are not "hitting him up for money" Everything is community property, up to and including the money.

Don't be his door mat!

~Moog


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## MarkTwain

Chikki Jaxun-

May I give you a tip?
There are plenty of things that could be improved in your marriage with your husband's help... But I can see you don't want to appear a nag. 

This is a tip I learned from business: Pick just one thing. The most important thing, and campaign for that. When you get that one thing well under way, pick a second thing and so on. Never ever ask for more than 3 things at once.

But really, if you just pick one thing, you have more of a chance of "winning", and less of a chance of appearing a nag.


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## Veronica Jackson

We still haven't talked seriously but I can definitely can tell there is a more humble tone. We spoke briefly about GM then it was off to sleep. (I'm still awake  ) I do hope he takes this time to reflect on what I emailed him before we have that conversation as I didn't push the issue tonight. When it comes to conflict I'm definitely going to take my time to heal from my wounds.

Mark, 

What I hope to gain out of this is more respect from him. It would make my life more tolerable if he didn't portray me as a thorn in his side. I am tired of being the butt of his jokes. 

Moog,

You will be happy to know I let the dishes sit in the sink tonight and I didn't cook a darn thing. 

This forum is so helpful and all of you are very considerate for reading my sorted life. Sadly, I really wouldn't have had the strength if it wasn't for this forum. I really need to get out with my friends and family more.


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## MarkTwain

Chikki Jaxun said:


> Mark,
> 
> What I hope to gain out of this is more respect from him. It would make my life more tolerable if he didn't portray me as a thorn in his side. I am tired of being the butt of his jokes.


May I suggest you focus on this and this alone. Go back to cleaning the house, because you will only be giving him ammunition. If you do everything "right" and make this one demand that he respect you and stop the sarcasm, you have every chance of getting somewhere.


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## moogvo

I can only speak from my own personal experiences... When I treated my ex like the hired help, she stopped doing the laundry, making dinner and doing the domestics. I have to say that it got my attention rather quickly.

I felt as though I was making the money and that my job was done. I felt that everything else should fall on her to do up to and including being my slave for free.

Having been the "aggressor" in this situation, I only know what grabbed MY attention. When I would come home from work and ask what we were having for dinner, the answer was "Whatever you get up and go make". That didn't last long!

It also gets old wearing your "Cleanest pair of dirty underwear" rather quickly. I didn't see the value in what she did and no amount of words were going to change that, but a good visual aid took care of things really quickly!


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## Veronica Jackson

MarkTwain said:


> May I suggest you focus on this and this alone. Go back to cleaning the house, because you will only be giving him ammunition. If you do everything "right" and make this one demand that he respect you and stop the sarcasm, you have every chance of getting somewhere.


I couldn't stand the dishes and yes you are right, I just didn't want to hear the complaints. However, I strategically cleaned around the dishes and the pop bottle he left in the LR and the food trash on the counter.


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## Blanca

Most people who are overly sarcastic tend to have low self esteem. Your H is trying to push you down, and its working. im going to also guess he unconsciously hates himself for doing it. but he justifies it because he's hurt by you (he claims) so he wants to 'get even'. 

I think if it was me and my H wouldnt listen to me when i asked him to stop, i would start to avoid him. he certainly would not get his clothes washed or dinner made.


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## Veronica Jackson

Update:

Today I finally talked with him. I told him that when he makes sarcastic remarks its just plain mean. Also, I reminded him that making the dumb remarks in front of guests not only embarrasses me, but it does the same with him and makes other people uncomfortable. I said "think about it, you don't wanna look like a jerk to all your friends do you?" He agreed.

Oh yeah, I demanded he bring me chocolate today. I'm PMSing and it will do him good to protect himself. lol


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## moogvo

That is funny! (The PMSing)

This is good news that he is responding to you in the way that he is. Has he ever told you that he agrees in the past, or is this new? Have you ever been this direct with him before?

Way to go! Keep us posted!


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## Veronica Jackson

I've been direct with him before in the past but somewhere along the way we disconnected. We've been together for 2 years and have been through hell and back.

I had to look back at the tings he told me and one of them being that he is attracted to strong women. I had to then remember what was strong about me and summon the beast from within. My gears were grinding and so were my teeth. I became the hulk.

The strategy I used was to ensure that he has no choice but to agree and that his behavior is destructive to our relationship. To make sure he knew where I was coming from, the email about sarcasm was my power. 

We've been inseparable since and the honeymoon is back on!


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## tnyn01

Most sarcastic people are covering for some area in there life where they are lacking. I would start getting even by making comments of my own. Next time he says something about paying for something, you can say "you owe me after your performance in be last night. In fact, where's my change." When he gets a taste of his own medicine and doesn't like it, then you can talk to him and tell why you did it and I'd bet this would prevent further occurrences. Just be careful not to become him while doing this. You don't want him to stop and then you become the sarcastic one.


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## GirlinTX

Chikki Jaxun,

How are things going with your husband now? I hope he has changed. There is no reason for anyone to be treated the way he has treated you. You are his wife and for him to act like you're a thorn in his side is totally unacceptable.

I can relate somewhat because my husband has serious arrogance and "tone of voice" issues. I'm starting to think he is missing the social skills gene because he truly doesn't seem to understand why certain things are/are not acceptable.

For example, the other day I slipped in our kitchen and hit my knee on the baby gate that closes off one side of the kitchen. The gate is there for our dogs who hang out in the kitchen when we are gone. His reaction was to heave a big sigh because he hates it when he has to fix the gate. As I'm limping back through the kitchen, he says nothing to me. 

I let him know that I was NOT happy about his not asking me if I was ok and only caring about the hassle of putting the gate back up. He said to me "Well, if you were hurt, I figured you would have told me." He doesn't understand AT ALL that it's appropriate to ask someone who has injured themselves if they are ok. It's normal behavior to do so.

I have many other examples. It's just so difficult. We have talked about it many, many times and he has acknowledged the behavior and agreed to change, but it never lasts. After four years of marriage, I'm ready to throw in the towel. I'm tired of his sarcasm and his lack of attention to my emotional needs.

Tonight, I asked him if he was going to take the vegetables we got for his friend over to his friend's house and his response "Well, not right now I'm not..." Any other person would have said "I'm planning on dropping them off tomorrow" or what have you, but not my husband. 

Living with him is almost like some kind of weird Twilight Zone episode. When I am out in the world at work or at school, people respond normally to inquiries, they ask how I'm doing...I do the same. With my husband, it's the total opposite. I'm tired of trying to explain appropriate behavior to him. I'm done with it. 

Thanks for listening.


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## martino

If you make comments back to him you would be validating and reinforcing his behavior. I would simply ignore him until he does say something positive then reply to that. Let every sarcastic comment roll right off you with no effect at all.


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## recent_cloud

"I used to be able to handle this like a champ but lately, I've been "shutting down" and becoming non-responsive and shrug it off. But inside, I am really hurt and feel like crying and am afraid even to talk to him. He is constantly throwing cutting remarks. "

i can't think of a circumstance where you should ever have to 'handle this like a champ'.

you need to read your descripton of your relationship as quoted above, and then read it again.

think: what does 'i used to be able to handle this like a champ' say about where you are: you are in an adversarial relationship fueled by the fears of those involved.

you ask for advice from strangers, and so that is what you receive.

you are in a power struggle.

and the best way to win a power struggle is to not engage.


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## GAsoccerman

I don't know I am married to jersey girl, the sarrcasm comes with the territory.

When the Bill came if I said to my wife, "where is your money?" she would have replied with, " I spent it on a real man this morning!" or something to that nature.

The only way to comabt it, is to serve it back hot. Not cry about it.


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## 827Aug

The sarcasm can be tough problem to handle. I put up with that for years with my estranged husband. I have now been in individual counseling for many months and have covered this problem. In my estranged husband's case, it is attributed to his narcissistic personality disorder. The counselor says it can't be fixed at his age. He wouldn't dream of "fixing" it anyway--he is very proud of how well he can dish out the sarcasm. Over time the sarcasm can be very damaging to you and others. It shouldn't be taken lightly.


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## Veronica Jackson

Sarcasm can be hurtful and I think of it how it makes the other look like an idiot. I also learned that he jokes around alot and at times, hits below the belt. Its not that hard to ignore, I've become very skilled. I've also become skilled in dishing it right back as if a battle of wits. It's playful banter. However, when he hits below the belt I stop and say "thats unfair" then I walk away recover then come back full force. I let him know that he went too far and he acknowledges it now.

The conclusion, overly sarcastic people look like dumb mannerless, neanderthals. *Le sigh* my heart bleeds for them. not.


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## GAsoccerman

well the thing is there is a time for it and a time not for it, my wife and I joke around alot and tease each other.

It really is a matter of what the couple is comfortable with. I been with my wife long enough to know when I can play around and when it is time to be serious.

apparently you hubby never learned the fine line to playful banter between you two and insulting you infront of your friends


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## Veronica Jackson

^^You're right, he doesn't know the fine line and he's ignorant in that manner. Nowadays, instead of welling up and feeling like crying I take a few breaths and call him out on his behavior. He's in my school now.


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