# When the OM is willing to fight for WW..



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

In these threads involving WW/OM, I usually state ad nauseum that the OM is just in it for some quick and easy tail and usually has zero interest in actually having a fulltime relationship with her. 

My personal experience and things I have seen in real life as well as countless infidelity threads is that once things get inconvenient or labor intensive for the OM, they usually scatter like roaches in the light. That is why informing the OMW, and even direct confrontation and doing anything legal to make it uncomfortable and inconvenient to the OM often results in the OM throwing the WW under the bus and exiting stage-left 9 times out of 10.

But what about that other 10% where the OM stands and fights for the WW?

My experience and personal observations in people I know IRL where this has happened, in every single instance it was the OM that ended up with the WW. 

I have no doubt there are exceptions out there, but in about every case I can think of, when the OM agrees to take the WW fulltime and stands up to the BH, the WW goes with the OM and usually sooner rather than later. 

Now I'm not saying that they have lived happily and healthily forever from that point on. But from what I have seen and experienced, if the OM stands and fights, he almost always wins. 

Have your observations and experiences been similar? 


If so or if not, why or why not do you think that is??


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

To be clear, I am talking about WW and OM. 

It has definitely NOT been my experience in reverse with MM and OW.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Because of my Ws personality and beauty she seems to attract men who have a fantasy of marrying her.

I think OM1 and OM2 would have fought for my W, but they knew the consequences of a frontal assault would be severe. From what I've seen they both have an idea of being with my W someday. So while they didn't fight they didn't give up entirely either.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

The closest I witnessed was an OM that really wanted the WW but he only got her because the BH dumped her like a bag of smelly fish.

He put up with a lot of crap to marry her though so he did have to fight for her even though he wasn't fighting the BH.

The BH was 10x the man the OM was and could have easily kept the cheating woman. She was pretty much destroyed in the divorce and clung to OM like a lifeline.

I believe they have probably been married for close to 10 years now.

We were friends with them, him more so than her, but after the divorce, we are only friends with the BH.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Let him have her. Seriously I never understood fighting so someone who discarded you like garbage. If you get her what do you win, a booby prize. Let them have each other. Once someone cheats on you their value in a committed relationship plummets to 0 best to accept it and move on. 

You can't make people love you!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Let him have her. Seriously I never understood fighting so someone who discarded you like garbage. If you get her what do you win, a booby prize. Let them have each other. Once someone cheats on you their value in a committed relationship plummets to 0 best to accept it and move on.
> 
> You can't make people love you!


That topic is probably worth it's own thread. 

As I have said before in other threads, hand her and her dirty underwear over to the OM and give him a list of the kid's dietary requirements and the schedule of their meds and a list of the times and places of all their activities and most OM are going to run screaming to their panic-rooms.

And I agree with your point.

But the instances i have seen where there is pick-me dancing and the OM is willing to go toe to toe, the OM has been the one ending up with the WW.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Let him have her. Seriously I never understood fighting so someone who discarded you like garbage. If you get her what do you win, a booby prize. Let them have each other. Once someone cheats on you their value in a committed relationship plummets to 0 best to accept it and move on.
> 
> You can't make people love you!


 That's my thought as well and it stands to reason if the OM "fights" for the WW he'd get her because: 
1) she's all into him at that point anyway and likely despises her husband
2) The husband really doesn't have much to fight for so why make a serious effort.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Some times love makes people do really crazy stuff. Things they normally would never dream of doing.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> But the instances i have seen where there is pick-me dancing and the OM is willing to go toe to toe, the OM has been the one ending up with the WW.


 Because pick me dancing is pathetic and the wife does not respect pathetic. I'd say it's more like the WW picked the OM, not the OM winning the WW.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Good riddance, I'd say!

I'd drop her like a hot rock and let her and the OM work on giving each other the clap!*


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> That topic is probably worth it's own thread.
> 
> As I have said before in other threads, hand her and her dirty underwear over to the OM and give him a list of the kid's dietary requirements and the schedule of their meds and a list of the times and places of all their activities and most OM are going to run screaming to their panic-rooms.
> 
> ...


Women tend to get much more emotionally invested in affairs. The om can do no wrong in their eyes so to speak. The game is essentially rigged. If the om does put up a fight he almost becomes the winner by default because he's "perfect". 

The couple of people I've known in these cases ironically have later regretted picking the winner because they chose wrong. Affair land turns into real life and Mr perfect isn't so perfect. I've known a couple of om who have "won" too and they realize later they didn't get the prize.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

You are dead on. That is the case in all I know of IRL.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

honcho said:


> The couple of people I've known in these cases ironically have later regretted picking the winner because they chose wrong. Affair land turns into real life and Mr perfect isn't so perfect. I've known a couple of om who have "won" too and they realize later they didn't get the prize.


Yeah, I am definitely not implying that it is roses and unicorns with the WW/OM living happily ever after. That's a whole other bucket of worms.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

I cant imagine how an OM would want a WW unless he were single. If you are an OM with a wife and kids, you are gonna get screwed 10 ways from Sunday, ditching your marriage, your life and running off with your side piece. Your old lady may drive you nuts and your side piece may have some qualities you like, but she has already disqualified herself as a LTR because of her infidelity with yourself. Rationally, she isnt worth not having a can to p!ss in!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> That topic is probably worth it's own thread.
> 
> As I have said before in other threads, hand her and her dirty underwear over to the OM and give him a list of the kid's dietary requirements and the schedule of their meds and a list of the times and places of all their activities and most OM are going to run screaming to their panic-rooms.
> 
> ...


Usually OM and the WW end up together because they fit in their brokenness. But most of the time when that happens the spouse has left the marriage long ago and didn't have the courage to tell her husband, or better yet tell him when she first started to think about leaving. But people like that are just not honest and really to passive to have really good relationships anyway. Again broken. 

As far as the BS though, this is like saying in the instances where a person has cancer and the patient doesn't brush their teeth why do you think that is. 

What is the relevance of any of that. The only part of any of this that is worth examining is the fact that the kind of person who does the pick me dance (for a long time) is usually the kind of person who gets cheated on. Because an extended pick me dance is a sure sign of codependency and cheaters need codependent people to finance their lifestyle. It's a symbiotic relationship. 

Again, you can't make someone love you. That should be the advice for all of this. Eventually to have a happy life you are going to have to get to the point where you decide to move on and then it's up to the cheater whether they are going to come along with you or not. Only then will you heal. 

One of the lessons I took from experiencing the pain infidelity was a big part of that pain was the loss of my agency. It makes sense really, when you meet someone that you fall in love with, eventually you commit to them. At is basic form when you are committing to them what you are doing is giving them a large investment and control in your agency. So it makes sense that when they cheat part of the pain is the loss of that agency. The only way to get that back is to take it back. That is really when you start to heal.

If you read the threads even the ones where at least in my mind people lives are miserably suck in a failed reconciliation, it's still pretty clear who has done this and who has not. The ones who have are always much better off. No longer are they sadly pining away for their spouse, no they are usually sad that they are stuck with their spouse. Most of the time they stay with them because of some outside reason like finances, kids, because of appearances or sadly some misguided person told them if they divorce they are going to hell (when their own Bible says the opposite I would like to point out!) The ones who took back their agency are just much happier. I don't think you can have an effective recovery without doing so. 

I say all that to say it's better just to ignore the WS and especially the AP (unless it's to protect their spouse, extracting a little pain doesn't hurt) and concentrate on getting the person who was betrayed to take their agency back. That's the only way it's going to work. In rare occasions the WS realizes they are going to be left behind and it may make them change. That's happened on here with @FoolishOne for instance. When her husband cheated (which I don't recommend though just for the reasons of ones personal honor) it was a stark realization to her that she was about to lose him. It finally felt real to her, she wrote it in her own words. She finally got the fact that her husband took his agency back and she has lost all stake in him. That is a good thing. 

We should not be in the business of "helping" the folks who come on here by giving them false hope and encouraging even a passive pick me dance. That is what we are doing when we give them advice on how to deal with the other man. The implication is that if you can win your wife back by chasing this guy away from her you will win HER back. "Pick Me Dance" We should be concentrating on the only thing they have control over, which is themselves. We need to be empowering them to take their agency back.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

honcho said:


> Women tend to get much more emotionally invested in affairs. The om can do no wrong in their eyes so to speak. The game is essentially rigged. If the om does put up a fight he almost becomes the winner by default because he's "perfect".
> 
> The couple of people I've known in these cases ironically have later regretted picking the winner because they chose wrong. Affair land turns into real life and Mr perfect isn't so perfect. I've known a couple of om who have "won" too and they realize later they didn't get the prize.


So True !!!

This one is playing out right now with a friend of ours. According to her in the beginning The OM was Mr. In Control , great job, King of ****, and had all his crap perfectly together. It would seem now that his life is out of his hands, job is terrible, things are not going his way and she just can't seem to get laid. Yet he is still the exact same guy.....


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Mr.Married said:


> So True !!!
> 
> This one is playing out right now with a friend of ours. According to her in the beginning The OM was Mr. In Control , great job, King of ****, and had all his crap perfectly together. It would seem now that his life is out of his hands, job is terrible, things are not going his way and she just can't seem to get laid. Yet he is still the exact same guy.....


Cause the problem is her. 

Why are you friends with this person again?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

sokillme said:


> Cause the problem is her.
> 
> Why are you friends with this person again?


I inaccurately extrapolated her situation into your line of thought .... but her situation is quite the same .....she is divorced.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Mr.Married said:


> I inaccurately extrapolated her situation into your line of thought .... but her situation is quite the same .....she is divorced.


Huh? Why do you call him the OM then?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

sokillme said:


> Huh? Why do you call him the OM then?


other man / another man .... my context was incorrect


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I seen this happen when a guys wife had an affair with another woman,got divorced and her ex husband actually gave her away at the wedding when she married her girlfriend.
Oh wait,that was on “Friends”.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Why would anyone want to get serious with someone that they KNOW is a lying, cheating skank??


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I cant imagine how an OM would want a WW unless he were single. If you are an OM with a wife and kids, you are gonna get screwed 10 ways from Sunday, ditching your marriage, your life and running off with your side piece.


I was thinking the same thing. A single man having an affair with a married woman and "in-love" with her is more likely to fight for her because he doesn't have anything to lose.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mr.Married said:


> So True !!!
> 
> This one is playing out right now with a friend of ours. According to her in the beginning The OM was Mr. In Control , great job, King of ****, and had all his crap perfectly together. It would seem now that his life is out of his hands, job is terrible, things are not going his way and she just can't seem to get laid. Yet he is still the exact same guy.....


And I'll bet that, by chance, of course, exactly the same thing happened to her husband!


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## Tell me more lies (Oct 10, 2018)

Just one question

Who would want to fight for a lying cheating skank in the first place?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Tell me more lies said:


> Just one question
> 
> Who would want to fight for a lying cheating skank in the first place?


Of course this is the healthy question to ask. 

But even on this site there are plenty of people (Men particularly) that have taken their wives back when no one thinks they should have.

Some of them are obviously weak, some of them it is hard to say. 

I am not saying that their is never a case where reconciliation is a possibility, I get that it can work. 

It would just never work for me. 

If a woman ever cheated on me, it would take .1 second to tell her to GTFO.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> Of course this is the healthy question to ask.
> 
> But even on this site there are plenty of people (Men particularly) that have taken their wives back when no one thinks they should have.
> 
> ...


I think that merits more discussion. Your perspective is yours and yours alone. Should we consider other perspectives when giving advice? I'm a one and done like you but everyone will tolerate something different. Life isn't so black and white as the text we use


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

PigglyWiggly said:


> I think that merits more discussion. Your perspective is yours and yours alone. Should we consider other perspectives when giving advice? I'm a one and done like you but everyone will tolerate something different. Life isn't so black and white as the text we use


You know, like I said, there are maybe some cases where R is a possibility. @FoolishOne is a prime example. She did a lot of the right things without even knowing what she was doing. But, it took her coming here, and listening to the advice, for her to understand what she SHOULD have done from the beginning. 

When I personally give advice, I consider the situation and frankly those, to me, are very black and white. 

You can tell when a WS get is and when they don't. Most of the time they don't. Men and woman that are weak, and actually hurting themselves are easy to spot as well. 

So no, I do not take other perspective into consideration when I give advice. That is for the OP to sift through. 

Plus, I am old enough that I don't give a **** in a lot of respects. 

But, for example, the men that come here and they have a skank wife that they "Love" and know that they "Love" them... No room in my mind for half measures.

That is just how I think.

One more thing... basically in most of the infidelity cases, the community knows what is going on from the first post. And we know from experience that if the OP can think clearly, for just a minute, they would file for divorce and take strong action whether they really want to divorce or not. 

We know that 1) this is the only chance to save the marriage and 2) if is does not work, then you have your answer and you should move on. 

This has been proven time and time again...

What about you????


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

BigToe said:


> I was thinking the same thing. A single man having an affair with a married woman and "in-love" with her is more likely to fight for her because he doesn't have anything to lose.


Yup. This was my case. My wife's EA partner was single. It was funny too, because early on, he wanted to help her (old friend of ours) with working through our marital issues, "not you guys!", then it evolved, then it became "but our love can't be buried or ignored". He didn't fight too hard though. She chose the marriage, and they went NC. He didn't keep reaching out to her. He left us alone. 

But yeah, if he was married, he would have gone away a LOT faster.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

PigglyWiggly said:


> BluesPower said:
> 
> 
> > Of course this is the healthy question to ask.
> ...


Not really, fighting for a cheating wife is less effective than filing and throwing her out, whichever way you are leaning. I see it over and over.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> If so or if not, why or why not do you think that is??


Some of y'all sound like you've got two men fighting over a prize that's already titled to one of them. Before I answer, just a caveat that my answer is contrary to any belief that either of the men determine outcome. Its like my cousins husband, Jon Paul DeLacroix, use to say, "Women control over half the money and all the poon tang". 

The answer is the same correct and simple answer I've given all along. When a woman cheats, she has little romantic interest in the guy she's cheating on. The OM or the husband ain't choosing her. She's choosing one of them. If the OM hung in there, she choose to be with him, whether it works out that way, nearly 100% of the time. The only reason she stays with the husband is because she lacks confidence that the OM will hold up his end of the deal. When you run off the OM, the only reason she's staying is because she has no better play to go. If an organization offered a WW $10 million to just ditch her BH rather than reconciling, what do you think most would do?


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## PreRaph (Jun 13, 2017)

When the OM is willing to fight for the WW, what do you do? You say, she's all yours! Take her away!!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

oldshirt said:


> I.
> 
> But what about that other 10% where the OM stands and fights for the WW?
> 
> ...


You're missing something. See, everyone talks about when the WW leaves the marriage for her AP. No one talks about when she doesn't because either no one knows or the few who do know keep their knowledge to themselves.

I had a total of three OM want permanent relationships with me. 

The first was J. We'd been friends for years, the sex was great, the conversation wonderful, we genuinely cared for each other and supported each other through some dark times etc. etc. Yet there was just something...missing. And he wanted marriage and children where I did not want to remarry or have more children at that time. So, I ended the affair.

The second was D. He'd been a family friend for many years. He was another great guy. Smart, fun to be with, life of the party, heart as big as Texas, known me almost all my life and was always there for me. I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him. So, that relationship ended, too.

The third was DH. Fell in love at first sight, he's perfect for me, yadda, yadda. Celebrated 19 years as a couple and 16 years married this month.

A few people know about J and D, but everyone knows about DH.

I know other women who could have left for OM and chose not to, but who did end up leaving on their own or with different OM later.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

MJJEAN said:


> oldshirt said:
> 
> 
> > I.
> ...


Does your husband know about these affairs? If so, has he remained faithful or was this some kind of open arrangement you both had? Cuz that is completely different.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Does your husband know about these affairs? If so, has he remained faithful or was this some kind of open arrangement you both had? Cuz that is completely different.


My exH was aware of some of my affairs and unaware of others until after I left him for DH.

My DH was aware I was married when we met and shortly after I told him that I'd had previous affairs.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Oldshirt, I agree. My observations is it's about 90 percent OM wins WW. The times I've seen that didn't happen

1-the affair was barely started.
2-the affair was stale, even affairs lose their lustre after a few years
3-WW has unusually strong reputation issues, all those close to her find cheating immoral.

Even in those instances, OM usually wins.

Some people are extremely loyal, but most discard the old to have the new. Once they get the new car, they have no desire to keep driving the old one.

In general, WW get caught up with the attention. Emotional connection. Feeling desired and feminine. Courted. Romanced. It is an escape, but that's what they had before they got married, they (mostly) didn't realize it would slow down. Everyone likes sex, but WW won't start with OM until the precursors are in place. Once affair starts, no comparison to BH who for an extended time doesn't even know he is competing. OM knows all about the competition, so he is way ahead by the time BH knows there is a competition. 

WH is different. Doesn't care about romance, wants sex. Will say the right things and do a few symbolic gestures to get what he wants. This is the majority of the time you read here, and hear from your friends and acquaintances.

Affairs are a kind of romantic/sexual relationship. Marriage is another kind. Dating another. Even meeting in a singles bar is a kind of relationship. Of course it's not 100 percent, but in the majority of these situations, isn't the guy racing to get sex, and the gal stepping on the brakes?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

No one wins when they are with someone that cheats, they just settle. And if they cheat themselves they are settling with themselves as well.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> My personal experience and things I have seen in real life as well as countless infidelity threads is that once things get inconvenient or labor intensive for the OM, they usually scatter like roaches in the light. That is why informing the OMW, and even direct confrontation and doing anything legal to make it uncomfortable and inconvenient to the OM often results in the OM throwing the WW under the bus and exiting stage-left 9 times out of 10.


I've never understood how a man could honestly feel good about himself *knowing* that the OM had to be *chased* away (by whatever means - kicking his ass or telling his wife) in order to 'win' back his lying, cheating wife. Who wants someone to stay with them by default?

Same with a betrayed wife. How much pride does she have to swallow in order to be OK with having 'won' her cheater back only because the OW dumped him and now she, the betrayed wife, is the cheater's only option? Why would anyone want to settle for that?

Honestly for me, if I have to force my husband into being with me by eliminating the 'competition,' then I'd be settling for precious little. If he can't treat me with the respect I deserve right from the get-go, then I don't want to be with him at all. Period.


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## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

I would have loved for the other man to confront me. I would have welcomed death, failing that, he would have been hurt or worse. She didn't have the guts. He didn't have the guts. Cowards. She waited for years to pass before gloating.

Truthfully, the outcome would have been bad for everyone involved.

In my mind, I already lost her.


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

Wow. Death over a relationship? Nope. Not worth killing, fighting, or begging over. Different mindsets abound.

I know guys who believe a woman is "theirs". They will keep her, fight to keep her, die, etc. They are the kind of guys you read about in news media who do crazy crap when the relationship ends. Cheating or not, they just can't let it go. 

There is no reason to fight OM OR OW. If, for some reason you still want your WS, if they don't absolutely slam the door, burn the bridge, burn and salt the ground on that illicit relationship, then end it. In my mind, if the AP is fighting, the WS had better be fighting a vicious defense like their future depended on it, because it would. You worked with the AP to screw me over, you better work 100x harder to prove yourself to me and even then, you might fail.


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## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

bigfoot said:


> Wow. Death over a relationship? Nope. Not worth killing, fighting, or begging over. Different mindsets abound.
> 
> I know guys who believe a woman is "theirs". They will keep her, fight to keep her, die, etc. They are the kind of guys you read about in news media who do crazy crap when the relationship ends. Cheating or not, they just can't let it go.
> 
> There is no reason to fight OM OR OW. If, for some reason you still want your WS, if they don't absolutely slam the door, burn the bridge, burn and salt the ground on that illicit relationship, then end it. In my mind, if the AP is fighting, the WS had better be fighting a vicious defense like their future depended on it, because it would. You worked with the AP to screw me over, you better work 100x harder to prove yourself to me and even then, you might fail.


No, you're right, I would not have fought for her but I would have fought to defend myself.

In most ways, I died when I found out. There really isn't a way for her to redeem herself to me, the person I thought I loved passed into somewhere else.


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## rv10flyer (Apr 26, 2018)

bigfoot said:


> Wow. Death over a relationship? Nope. Not worth killing, fighting, or begging over. Different mindsets abound.
> 
> I know guys who believe a woman is "theirs". They will keep her, fight to keep her, die, etc. They are the kind of guys you read about in news media who do crazy crap when the relationship ends. Cheating or not, they just can't let it go.
> 
> There is no reason to fight OM OR OW. If, for some reason you still want your WS, if they don't absolutely slam the door, burn the bridge, burn and salt the ground on that illicit relationship, then end it. In my mind, if the AP is fighting, the WS had better be fighting a vicious defense like their future depended on it, because it would. You worked with the AP to screw me over, you better work 100x harder to prove yourself to me and even then, you might fail.



Nearly, 45,000 suicides every year, 42% due to relationship problems. About 1,200 of those are murder-suicides, 93% of those against the WW. 

Why do BH go after WW vs going after OM?? 

The OM wants to be the tough, arrogant, loud-mouthed, testosterone-filled, POS....right up until he gets his @$$ busted by the BH. Then he decides to bail-out and claim the WW seduced him and ruined his life.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I have had one situation where the OM was desperately in love with the WW. The entire situation was almost like a bad movie. The guy did not understand stay away. WW was also not helping. I advised that he just dispense with them, he could leave with no consequence. Except, he was not willing to give an inch. Three weeks later, the OM was on crutches, and moving across the country. WW was busy looking into books for reconciliation. My client admitted that he did something highly illegal. My client and a number of his friends assaulted the OM. They had injured him quite severely. (this is the part where I was supposed to tell my client to either leave, or self report, which he did not) It was explained to OM that once healed sufficiently, he should leave, and never come back. The assault, and a recording of same, plus a vid of OM saying the sex was nice, but not worth this, was recorded for the benefit of the WW. The WW was made aware that her husband had ended her affair, and that her OM was blowing town. That shock brought her down to earth. Then, with that stark realization, she got put through a wringer. She had to go to her place of business, and admit to her coworkers that she slept with OM, wrecked his career and life, and that she could not work there any longer. She signed a post nuptial with draconian consequences. She had to admit to the affair, the humiliating aspects and her lowness to her mother, father and siblings. 

Two years later, his anger and resentment had not abated. He began an affair, invoked the post nup, and left her. We negotiated a minor change in custody, but, in conversations with her representatives I gathered that she lays all blame at her own feet. She chose an affair, and she never realized her husband was capable of the dark acts. She admits consequences never occurred to her.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Taxman said:


> I have had one situation where the OM was desperately in love with the WW. The entire situation was almost like a bad movie. The guy did not understand stay away. WW was also not helping. I advised that he just dispense with them, he could leave with no consequence. Except, he was not willing to give an inch. Three weeks later, the OM was on crutches, and moving across the country. WW was busy looking into books for reconciliation. My client admitted that he did something highly illegal. My client and a number of his friends assaulted the OM. They had injured him quite severely. (this is the part where I was supposed to tell my client to either leave, or self report, which he did not) It was explained to OM that once healed sufficiently, he should leave, and never come back. The assault, and a recording of same, plus a vid of OM saying the sex was nice, but not worth this, was recorded for the benefit of the WW. The WW was made aware that her husband had ended her affair, and that her OM was blowing town. That shock brought her down to earth. Then, with that stark realization, she got put through a wringer. She had to go to her place of business, and admit to her coworkers that she slept with OM, wrecked his career and life, and that she could not work there any longer. She signed a post nuptial with draconian consequences. She had to admit to the affair, the humiliating aspects and her lowness to her mother, father and siblings.
> 
> Two years later, his anger and resentment had not abated. He began an affair, invoked the post nup, and left her. We negotiated a minor change in custody, but, in conversations with her representatives I gathered that she lays all blame at her own feet. She chose an affair, and she never realized her husband was capable of the dark acts. She admits consequences never occurred to her.


Some of my customers at the dealership were members of one of the local motorcycle "clubs". They offered to help convince the om what a bad idea messing with my ex was. I know they'd done things like this before and hospital visits were quite common for om after such conversations.....


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

"Nearly, 45,000 suicides every year, 42% due to relationship problems. About 1,200 of those are murder-suicides, 93% of those against the WW. "
This is incorrect. 

50% of women murdered are killed by a former or current romantic partner. Those are CDC numbers, check it out. It has ZERO to do with her being a WW. it has everything to do with a possessive controlling or unstable man who cannot let go. Post breakup, post divorce, divorce on horizon, new relationship, etc., those killers can't let go. I used to be a prosecutor so I can tell you some stories. Some dudes just cannot let go. They are scary. Heard of a plenty of guys killing their ex and new boyfriend MONTHS and YEARS after the relationship ended.

Violence is NEVER an answer for cheating. Leave. Divorce. Go scorched earth in a divorce. No person belongs to another person. Ever. If the OM wants her, he can have her. Heck, if the OM had her, I don't want her. He or anyone else can have her. Sure, it is hard until you stop looking at it as a loss of someone valuable. Untangling those emotions is hard, but well worth it.

Whoever said OM "wins" is looking at this wrong. Wins what? Your possession? YOUR woman? Nope. She is her own being. I don't compete for love and faithfulness.


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