# Swinging



## nosocks (Sep 30, 2012)

Do you think that bringing a third person into a couples sex life can ever work.Why does it work in some marriages to be swingers or cuckold.What are the pros and cons.Any advice appreciated please .:scratchhead:


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

No, no idea, I just see cons from my pov.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

What is it with English woman, is sex an escape for every day life? I am asking, really? Please reply.David


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

I have been to York, kind of sucked.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

DavidWYoung said:


> I have been to York, kind of sucked.


Kind of vacuous thing to kind of say and kind of nothing to do with the thread.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

DavidWYoung said:


> What is it with English woman, is sex an escape for every day life? I am asking, really? Please reply.David


 wha???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Not that I have first hand experience, but reading your other post I would strongly recommend that you don't go down this road. If it is not something you really want to do and you are not acting from a position of security and strength it is highly likely to be a disaster.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

My wife and I tried this once many years ago. I won't bore you with the story but suffice it to say our marriage almost did not survive the event. This is almost always the husbands idea as it was in our case with the wife just going along with it. I advise you not to do this. PM me if you'd like more info on our experience.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

In a Marriage Bed - Two's company, three or more's a crowd.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Go to a website called the[ swingers board] if you want the real info on good and bad from people who know not on here.If you are asking on here then you know in your mind you don't want to do it.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

heavensangel said:


> In a Marriage Bed - Two's company, three or more's a crowd.


FFM or MMF when you are single it can be pretty hot  i would be very happy to have sex with another woman if i found her attractive  My estrange actually suggested MMF i actually considered it, he was livid it was a **** test 

I had this really strange guy on a dating site that wanted to be cuckold for me and he didn't give up, he just wanted to take care of me but didn't want sex, weird.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

JMO but I don't think it something I could do. I think anytime someone really wants to do or try something regardless of what it is, they will try to make it ok in their mind anyway. Their pros will always try to outweigh the cons.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Don't do it.


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

nosocks said:


> Do you think that bringing a third person into a couples sex life can ever work.Why does it work in some marriages to be swingers or cuckold.What are the pros and cons.Any advice appreciated please .:scratchhead:


If I saw my husband having sex with another woman I'd vomit.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I feel once you're married the intimate bond and the things you do with your spouse should be sacred. There is nothing sacred about swinging.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

nosocks said:


> Do you think that bringing a third person into a couples sex life can ever work.Why does it work in some marriages to be swingers or cuckold.What are the pros and cons.Any advice appreciated please .:scratchhead:


I think it takes a specific type of couple to be able to do this without having it blow up into something horrible.

most people can't do it and be successful. I think it depends on what you're into and whether or not you married someone who is into exactly the same thing. 

I'd say don't do it because I feel it cheapens the marital bond.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

That lifestyle is not for me, but I must say that almost everyone I know IRL that swings or has 3-somes are ALL huge partiers...so that may be why it seems to 'work' for them. Honestly? I don't think it really even works for them, hence the substance abuse...JMO.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Oh, and FWIW, I also know quite a few who have reformed their ways...and they ALL hate discussing their past lifestyles. It's like they've all tried to erase it from their existences. Doesn't sound like much fun to me.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I definitely do not understand the cuckold thing. How could any woman respect a man who would be ok with doing that? Especially the more gross aspects such as clean up duty.

And swinging in general does not interest me.

I would have thought that there was a heightened risk of STD's for a start.
I have no interest in sharing my wife.

It may be silly and insecure of me but can you imagine how you would feel as a man if the other partner had a huge great dong and was able to perform like a porn star on steroids.

If it is for a better sex life, even though I may have started later than some I would much rather concentrate on making myself a better lover and introducing new experiences into our relationship by myself.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

nosocks,

I really hope (but doubt) that this is your idea. Your husband has a very tame and manageable fetish that he's managed to F up and let you feel self consious about. Adding this to that already volatile mix will lead to disaster.


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## Randy52 (Oct 15, 2011)

It MAY work for SOME couples, but the downside is far too great if it does NOT work out.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I did some Googling and came up with this post on a forum dedicated to one particular alternative sexual lifestyle:



> Last week, my divorce was finalized. If any of you remember reading my previous posts, we had a great start to 2012, but in the end, she couldn't handle the freedom and we realized all the things that was missing from our marriage. She started lying and hiding things from me, staying out way longer than she said she would, and was with guys when she said she wasn't.
> 
> In the end, this was a blessing, because things were missing from our marriage. We got together early in life, and didn't know how a marriage should operate. We didn't have much in common, and were living in denial, even before hot wifing came into our marriage about a year ago. If we didn't take the HW plunge, we would have realized our issues later in life, and we wouldn't have been able to get a new start with someone that really makes us happy.
> 
> So for those that are looking into, or hoping to convince their wives to take up the lifestyle, make sure your marriage is working properly, or else the same may happen to you. I'm not sure how often I will be on this message board, because I will keep the lifestyle in theory only with my current girlfriend, but if anyone has questions, I will try to log on and answer them when I can.


Now granted this is someone from the hotwife lifestyle. But it just goes to show you that inviting other parties into your marriage can lead to disaster. Note that OP loves this lifestyle but won't do it any more. He wants to keep this one.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

York is bloody awesome!

swinging - meh, not for me
Dolly doesn't share


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Is it worth risking your marriage to someone you love to find out? Is it worth risking the time and effort you and your spouse have devoted to each other? 

I hope it is not but, it is your life. I cannot personally understand how it could be anything but bad for a marriage between two adults. I am not saying I have not thought about it in the past. I am saying I came to the conclusion that I loved being married to my wife much more than I wanted to explore some fantasy involving including another person in our bed.

Good luck.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I thought about it. Tried it. Almost lost my marriage because of it. 

You all have to decide if it is worth it to you.

It isn't to me.

Fantasies are one thing, reality bites.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

This is one of the things my exh wanted; even pursued it to the point of verbal abuse because I would not allow it into our marriage. Took it for 9 years until finally speaking up for myself. Our D was final 18 yrs ago and he's still alone.....searching for the one who's willing to give him what he wants. 

If your H is pushing you to do this, please stand your ground. I'm so glad I did not give up my dignity to do something I would have regretted later. DO NOT DO NOT do this!!!


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

Why would a man want his wife to have sex with another man or a woman want her husband to have sex with another woman ? If a man everyone was single and had no love for any one involved and it was a pure lust thing that would be more understandable but to to that with some on you love, , , , C'mon Really ! ! !


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

ok despite a majority of people arguing against the lifestyle i m actually a swinger and heres the post that i had mentioned earlier about how we progress towards the "lifestyle"



the liberal one said:


> Me and my wife had been engaging in a threesome for the past 2 years.
> 
> Initially my wife had propose me that i m allowed to have sex with a man (due to the fact i m bisexual *http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/60580-im-bi-sexual-husband.html *) to satisfy my sexual urges that she can't fulfilled.
> 
> ...


ok before engaging in swinging there are lots of requirements

NOT everyone can do it, even if they had the guts to swing it can failed easily and crack your marriage.

The barriers and maintenance of being a swinger are strict
-same sex drive and a good sex life (spicing up your sex life is not a reason to swing, if its so then it will fail)
-rules, LOTS of rules in detail if you need to (that includes no kissing, sex in the same room, etc)
-back-up plan (just in case if one of the spouse had broke the rules, for example: cease all swinging activity immediately)
-safe sex (condoms, condoms, condoms, pills, pills, pills)
-both spouses wants to swing (most failed swings are because one of the spouses are reluctant and thus creates resentment and break-ups) 
-both spouses need to have a serious chat on swinging not like bedtime chat (need a paper and a pen to write your feelings, boundaries, desires, rules and discuss what you had wrote in great detail)
-both spouses must be really secure with themselves and had confidence on your spouse having "fun"
-communicative (both must have down-to-earth communicative skills to express their feelings to each other in *detail*)
-open-minded (spouse need to see that swinging is just treating sex as a sport like soccer, hockey, cricket, etc)

i can go on and on with the list forever, YES it is possible to swing and people had actually done it for decades and still love each other.

Remember, swinging does not fix a bad marriage (it accelerates your divorce) but it can be an excellent icing for a good, secured, communicative marriage and can tighten the bond together between the spouse.

Why people criticize swinging? Its because people had actually ignore the "basic" requirements for swinging or people that had failed to maintain it. Thus swinging is a risky two-sided sword and only you can control which side of the sword going to aim at.

explanation over NEXT


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

I guess that it depends on the couples, but personally I don't believe in it. You never know if there's someone that really can capture your partner's interest. And then we humans always have favorites, they can hardly love more than one people equally. So how can I be sure if my partner might someday get very interested in someone we met, and then it becomes his favorite?

Maybe you can safe proof it with many rules, but I don't really believe it's 100% safe. I don't think that anyone should be criticized for what they like, although I won't agree it when they say that it's safe with rules, even for the most open minded people.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Dunno, maybe it's just me but if you add too many rules to sex then the sex just isn't that fun. You're always wondering if you broke one of the rules.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

lilith23 said:


> Maybe you can safe proof it with many rules, but I don't really believe it's 100% safe. I don't think that anyone should be criticized for what they like, although I won't agree it when they say that it's safe with rules, even for the most open minded people.


everything has risk, whatever you do theres a level of risk where it can run amok but without risk theres no excitement 



sandc said:


> Dunno, maybe it's just me but if you add too many rules to sex then the sex just isn't that fun. You're always wondering if you broke one of the rules.


some couples gradually shorten the rules if they feel comfortable with either spouses. i saw some couples with open marriages had one rule : no surprises


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## Jack29 (Oct 20, 2012)

An ex girlfriend of mine (short time story) gave me some clues that she might be into threesomes. She didnt say anything direct but shed admit to stuff like "id go to a party and pick a guy and get naked with him privately" or "sometimes ive seen porn with other persons in the room" or shed ask me "would you be ok if you had sex and there was someone else than me in the room" and other tiny bits of clues.

I ran for the hills and never looked back or regretted it. During the last talk we had i handed it to her that i wasnt OK at ALL with her behaving like a slvt but she never accepted any guilt for herself or accepted that did anything wrong! Its just sad. I hope shes not behaving even worse now!

On a second thought she was the type of woman who craved for the attention of everyone present, i wonder if theres some relation to it!


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

the liberal one said:


> everything has risk, whatever you do theres a level of risk where it can run amok but without risk theres no excitement


Of course some people might find risks exciting, but wat I wanted to say in my last post was that many rules might just make it seem safer but in fact risking with swing is still risking, you can't really safe proof it completely.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

lilith23 said:


> Of course some people might find risks exciting, but wat I wanted to say in my last post was that many rules might just make it seem safer but in fact risking with swing is still risking, you can't really safe proof it completely.


thats why i try to eliminate as much risk as possible by going to brothels not swinger clubs, choosing prostitutes not internet hook-ups read the previous post on my experience on swinging in this thread, i had try to minimize as much risk as possible (whether health issues or emotional issues)

p.s i must admit even if i had gone to a great extent to reduce risk, there's always risk but atleast both of us do not regret it and play by the rules


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