# Trying to stay positive in the face of negativity



## Viper640

I'm new here and I'm been reading a lot of thing and talking to a lot of people about my relationship with my wife. I will try to detail as best as I can without involving or hurting anyone, namely myself. 

I am 27 and married for 3 years to a wonderful woman. For you to understand me and my situation, you need to know a few things about me. I have ADD and I am a geek and gamer. I was socially withdrawn in high school and most of my adult life, until I met my wife. We met on a online dating site and everything went from there. We got married a year and half later. And then we had our son nine months later. And our daughter 14 months after he was born. I lost my job three months before she was born. So you can see where this is going. We are in a financial situation and are having some relationship issues as well.

About 7 to 8 months ago we started getting distant, she started talking to her friends more and eventually to a male friend more then the rest. She was open about it and didn't try to hide it from me. But she kept going me the classic lines that make you wonder. " I'm not in love with you but still love you", "we are just friends". 

And that all was in January, since then I have taken a active approach to make It work. I want to make this work but she keeps telling me that she doesn't know what she wAnts. And she says she is having a quarter life crisis. She likes her freedom and I don't want to take it from her. We have made up a little more since our big talk and I feel like we can make this work, but I am still have doubts and insecurities.

I guess what I'm really asking for is some advice on how to stay strong and things I can do to build something new with her. I know what we had is gone, like the flicker of a flame but what I want to build is a fire, one that will burn for eternally. Keep in mind I'm a very positive person and this negative emotion is totally new. I want to find ways to keep us together not break us apart. 

I appreciate any help anyone can give. Thanks for everything.

Viper640


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## Hope1964

Buy some books and work on them with her. Not Just Friends and His Needs Her Needs are a good place to start.

Have you done any snooping to make sure she isn't doing more than you realize with this male friend?

You sound like a pretty good guy - I hope she isn't cheating on you


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## tacoma

You need to set some boundaries in your marriage.

No woman wants a man who will allow her to pursue another man.

She's already leaving you and you just don't get it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Viper640

Yes, I have done some snooping and that got me no where and made things even worse. Like I said I have been thinking and working at this for a month and a half. I even got to me the guy and we talked a good bit. He is about to get married and is not interested in ruining what we have going. 

The problems I have really stem from the fact that I'm home all day watching the kids and she is at work or out with her friends. I never get to see her and when I do I can't stop thinking about how what I can do/say to make this work or how to get her back. I realize I have been pushy and smothering her with all this talk, so I'm trying to a 180 without even realizing what it was or how to do it. The help I really want is what I can do to help her realize that I'm here to help her not hurt her. I'm just so lost and confused, women are such a mystery.

@tacoma - I don't think she is, if she was then she would have done something by now. I think this is more like she is lost and confused. Like she can't figure out what she wants because she is so frustrated at home. We have more issues, then I'm letting on to. But there is still hope, and she even said so.


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## tacoma

> And that all was in January, since then I have taken a active approach to make It work.


I bet you've been more loving, caring, emphatic, and much more helpful around the house haven`t you?



> I want to make this work but she keeps telling me that she doesn't know what she wAnts.


I don't know what she wants either but I`d bet a paycheck it's not a more loving, caring, emphatic, more helpful around the house kind of husband.



> And she says she is having a quarter life crisis. She likes her freedom and I don't want to take it from her.


Define "freedom" as you think she sees it.

What exactly don`t you want to take from her?


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## Viper640

You are right I have been all those things, and sometimes I don't think it helps. But I makes me feel better know that I'm trying and not watching it fall apart.

She defines her freedom as the ability to go out when she wants too and to talk to everyone she wants too. She also wants me to do all the housework and keep a clean apt. She basically wants a the good without the bad. 

Trust me, this may look bad for me, but like the title says I'm trying to stay positive, not break things up.

I don't want to take away her good feelings and leave her with nothing. She is under stress and needs a release, this may be a bad choice on her part, but it works. She can come home and deal with all our crap.

there is soo much going on in our lives, we are lucky to stay sane. I think god has plans but I hate waiting to find out what they are. I'm just glad, I can stay strong and not give up. That would be so easy right now.


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## tacoma

I understand your position but in all honesty the path you've chosen is the quickest path to the end of your marriage.

Your "positive" efforts are all seen by her as negatives.

Google "Married Man Sex Life" .... Read
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Viper640

Interesting, you may be on to something. I will be back after I read and think about it. Got a house to clean and kids to take care of first. Thank for all the advice.


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## kandlestick

Sounds familiar. I was in the same position at one point but you are handling it better than I. I got upset and left in a huff and called it quits, it was a bad move on my part. I refused to talk to her and went my own way. After about 3 months I grew up and talked to her and I realized how much I missed her.

Long story short we talked, became friends again, started dating again and the spark is back. I hope this gives you some hope. I applaud you for not giving up like I did.


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## Alpha

She wants to go out whenever she wants and talk to whomever while you stay put at home, clean, and watch the kids? What's wrong with that picture?


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## naga75

so, she "doesnt know what she wants"...
to me, it seems "what she wants" is a live-in housekeeper and nanny that she is "just friends" with, that keeps up the house and the kids while she goes out and does whatever she wants.
she is cake eating on you bro and you are letting her do it.
let me tell you how to fix it, maybe.
stop letting her treat you that way, because if you dont, she aint EVERRRRRR gonna stop.
and lemme tell you how to light that "fire" you are talking about:
stand up for yourself. it worked for me. WELL. and it works every time.


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## Viper640

Well, you all were right she was cheating on me. With that guy I mentioned too. I knew what was happening and I ignored it. All because I trusted her. Now we are separated. And she is living with her mom and I'm still here in the apartment with the kids. She wants a complete separation and wants to see other people. I tried to put on a tough guy look yesterday but now I feel like crap. She stayed up till 4:30 talking to some guy but she can't talk to me. Why? The whole problem is her communication. She can't tell me the way she feels and that's why this all happened. She said she didn't want me to quit my jobs. I told her two weeks in advance about both times, she had plenty of time to talk to me about them. I would have stayed and stuck it out for her, but she said nothing. And now she is gone and I'm completely alone. I read MMSL and I know now that I was just a good rebound. I made her feel good when she need to. I had this all planned out but now I feel like doing nothing. Why, is this so hard for me and so easy for her? Why am I the only one that is suffering? Everyone says to do a 180 and let go but how do you let go of something you gave your life up for? I have everything and she took her car and the Bluetooth speaker. Thts it. I should feel happy but I feel like crap. I have half of the tax money left but I still feel bad. I have it made but I'm In pain. I had hope but now it's all gone. Sorry to ramble. At least now we have something to talk about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964

I am so sorry  Read the CWI newbie link in my signature. There's also a thread around here somewhere called Just Let Them Go or something like that you might like. And come on over to the CWI forum - there's quite a few of us BS's over there, unfortunately. You aren't alone - everything you're feeling, we've felt too.

Right now you need to eat, sleep, breathe, and know that it DOES get better.

Also, you might want to get tested for STD's. And call a lawyer.


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## Viper640

Thx. i guess i should tell the whole story. then you can see why this all happened. 

our first child has special needs. we knew this when he was born because he always wanted someone to hold him and touch him. he couldn't fall asleep without the constant contact. and whenever he would wake up he would need someone to rock him back to sleep. i was always the one to do this but that never really mattered. it wasn't until he was in daycare that we found out he had a sensory problem. we got early intervention to help us and have had them for almost a year. it wasn't until January that we found out David has high functioning autism and ashpergers' syndrome. he has a hard time talk and communicating what he needs and wants and because of that he cry and whines alot. he also like to hit and take things from his sister, Danielle. she is almost two and is starting her tantrums when he does this. she cant stand to hear David cry and whine so she constantly gives in to him and as a result he is spoiled. 

she has never been patient like me with the kids and that might be because she works all the time. i have really held a job for a long time because she thinks i get bored with them. when we met i was working at my family's company. i had to leave there about a year after david was born. i left because it was getting to hard to keep family and work seperate. my dad was my direct boss and my aunt is the president. i was wearing too many hats in the company and it utamatly boiled down to me not making the company any money. i was too much of an admin and not enough of a tech. that didnt matter to her, she just saw it as a lost job. then i found a job under the table working for a friend. this friend was a PR (no offense to them just him.) he grew up in the city and because of it he had a very "colorful" language. i ended up doing much of the same things there that i did at the previous job. but the big difference was that i was payed under the table and wasn't getting paid enough for all that i did. we were getting pressure from all our debtors and he wouldnt give me a raise or help me at all. i was tired of him taking advantage of me and his constant swearing. so i told her several times about this and that i was thinking about quiting. the other thing that aslo occured the same time was danielle being born. i left in the beginning of april and she was born in june. so i was also thinking about her. willy wasnt going to give the the time off like i wanted to help her with the baby. so that was another reason why i wanted to leave. i told her all these things and she said nothing about her feelings. she never said that she wanted me to keep the job. if she did then i would have sucked it up and stayed. we continued to get by on unemployment until the beginning of last year. that when it ran out. the other thing that didnt help was me trying to get schoolwork done and take care of the kids at the same time. i asked her to help me but she never did. i got a job at radio shack in april last year and while that helped a little it also added more stress because it was retail and had screwed up hours. that made things worse. i quit in decmber because i was thinking about my family and how we could manage financially. but she never saw it that way. everything i have tried to do was to make her happy but now i know that all i did was make things worse. 

maybe there was too many factors in play and this was just bound to happen. i mean we haven't talked seriously in like 6 months and only in the past 2 did we have "talks". and we havent had sex since 6 months after Danielle was born. and that was difficult cuz she was in pain and afraid of getting pregnant again. so i got cut and then we had to wait more and then after that it was only twice and then she gave up on me. so i haven't had any in almost a year. 

im sure all this just created a torrent of feelings and emotions for her and thats why she gave up. i feel like i have tried to make this work. i do admit there was some periods i didnt do much too help or could have been apart of the problem. but i feel like i've been the loser all this time. 

even now shes not understanding of the situation. she seeks comfort from other people and not from me. it hurts to see the person you care so deeply about ignore you and not recognize your needs. many people here may feel that way and can say that but i really feel like the only person who can help me cope and deal with this is her. that probaly why marriage counslers work so well. it not about the counsler talking its about the couple hearing what the other has to say. that they seriously talk and find the real issues and find was to make things better. but she wont even consider it because she wont share her feelings. she has always had a hard time with that, but i can figure what she feels by the way she acts and responds. i have developed a extra sense to understand her without her talking and maybe that is me obsessing over her or why i cant let her go. but it doesnt matter because she doenst understand why this is so wrong. our bodies may be apart of the problem since we arnt attractive but we have been working on that. if the only thing we are missing is the physical connection and the feelings that go along with that then we should find ways to create that connection again. but she wants to find that feeling with someone other then the father of her children. i thought she still has some kind of feelings. she said that she didn't want to hurt me or break my heart. she kept repeating that. maybe that was her rationalization hamster but i think she was trying to cling to some kind of hope that things would work. and i think that somewhere deep inside she might want things to work. she puts up this no caring front so i will let her go. if there was a way to make things better i would persue it without giving it a second thought. but it just looks so hopless. 

i wish i knew what god was thinking when he planned this. i want to know what lesson we are supposed to learn and what he has planned. if only i knew that she wanted me back then i would try my hardest to change and make the best of this situation. we have spent too much time together, to loose it all over something so trivial. 

im done boring you all with my life story. i will try to reply as best as i can to any questions or comments. maybe if she read this, then i wouldnt have to talk or pressure her so much with my feelings. see ya all later.


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## Isuck

Well after reading the first post I was going to say she's cheating on you, but then you confirmed that! It sucks, but I've been there. You're at "stage one" of this. You want to make it work and cannot comprehend how your best friend and soul mate did this and now seemingly doesn't care. She cares, she is just using this new guy as a band aid for her real issues. 

Stage one sucks because you feel like crap. You want her back so badly but can't have her. She won't respond and you can't accept that. So the solution is simple, do the 180. Do it hardcore. She will notice. Maybe not right away but she will notice. You have to focus your kids and YOU right now. NOT her. She is in a fog and is not thinking straight. The only cure for that is time and no contact with her. Wandering spouses don't want a doormat to pursue them. You're a doormat right now. She knows she has you and she's comfortable with that, she's so comfortable she's going to seek out another man and doesn't care if you know or not. You're plan B at the moment. Don't let her think you're plan B.

You should give yourself some time, but eventually you need to move to stage 2. Stage 2 is where set a date when you're "done". Make it whenever you want. 1 month out, 3 months, 6 months, but set a date. Don't tell her that date, it's for you only. When that date arrives, you're "done" with her. 

Stage 3 is going to be you meeting other new people and realizing that there is more the one person on this planet who can be your best friend. You will realize that you are a good guy and other women do find you attractive and want to be with you. In this stage your confidence is going to return with a vengeance. You're going to find that there are days that go by where you don't even think of your wandering spouse anymore. You don't care what she's doing anymore. At this point Stage 4 usually kicks in.

Stage 4 is where you just enjoy life again. You're going to be happy for the first time in a long time and you're going to want to move on in a positive way from her. The old saying that "if you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours" seems to be true. But you are in control now and not the pursuer anymore. You're the distancer and your roles have reversed.

Stage 5 is where she "wakes up" and wants you back. You're probably dating a couple ladies now or one special one and she KNOWS this. Now you're not Plan B anymore to her. You're moving back to Plan A. She may realize that she wants YOU, not this other goofball who doesn't do it for her. At this stage, you're in the driver's seat. It's your choice whether you try with her again or keep going with your now happy life.

I don't know what stage 6 is yet as I haven't experienced it, but I have experience stage 1 to 5. There is light at the end of this tunnel. Just accept that you cannot convince someone to love you, they have to just do it. You can't force her back, you can't force anything, you can only control what you can control and that's you and your actions.

Keep your chin up.


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## Viper640

I'm so glad you said all that. I guess I was looking for some kind of hope or something. And you may have given it to me. I thank you for that. I still have to see her because of the kids and it seems like each time I think, see or talk to her I hurt and ache. I can't believe I feel this way. I felt like this when she told me she didn't love but this time it hurts a lot more. I never knew I could feel this way about someone. I don't want to feel like this, I want so much but I can't have it. You make it seem like I can get through it and actually make this a positive thing, like I want it too. Why does life have to bee this way. I wish I knew what she was thinking and feeling. I wish I knew what god was thinking when he made all this happen. I want our kids to have the family they Deserve. One thAt is united and is strong. I want to have a job that I can support my family and be happy with. I want to stop worrying about the mail and if its all bills we can't pay. I want to be content and satisfied. Not happy, we can have stress and problems. We can't run from them, but can't have soo much stress and soo many problems that we collapse under the pressure. Our house was made on sinking sand and not solid rock. I want a family I can be proud of and one that others can be proud of too. We don't have to look good or be sexy, just content. And I hope that all these things will eventually happen and I hope she realizes that. But even though deep down I'm in pain and can't stop thinking about her, I know that somewhere, sometime, something with someone happen that will make everything better. I just hope and pray that the someone is with her and my kids. I would hate to make them go thorough a divorce and either split them or have them taken from either of us. I have seen too many familes ruined by them and it just makes life so difficult. And I can't handle difficult. Not now and maybe not ever. 

Thanks for your words of wisdom. I am going to take them to heart and really live by them. If I can show her, the person she really married then maybe she will want to be together again. So thanks and I will talk to you all a little later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Isuck

Of course you go through hurt and ache when you see her, I did and I think everyone does. That's natural. You just need time to pass to help reduce those feelings, which will happen.

The good part about being a human is you can be whatever you want to be. It sounds very simple but if you're not happy with the way things are or the way they're going, then change them. Only you can do that. Don't rely on other people for your happiness. Don't wonder why other entities did this to you, just focus on how going forward you can change things to be the way you want them to be.

It's all in your head right now. Life goes on. Your kids will be fine as long as you're open and honest with them. Be there for them and put yourself first right now. Don't worry about her, she's a lost cause at the moment. Don't think about her or drive by her house or apartment or text her or call her and ask how she is. DO the no contact thing, it works not only for her but do it for YOU.


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## Viper640

I'm trying to not contact her but we still need to communicate to get all the stuff rearranged and talk about the kids. How do I no talk to her and still communicate effectively? I'm going to talk to my pastor soon. I'm trying to occupy my mind with little things and it seems to be helping but I still hurt and think about her. I see her and can't help but think about her feelings and everything. I'm trying to think positively about all this and not worry about the worst case scenarios. But I am a thinker by nature, I am constantly in thought and can't turn it off. Even when I go to sleep I can't stop thinking until I pass out from exhaustion. I keep thinking that once I hear her feelings and the reasons why this all happened, I'll be able to close and move on. But then I think that if I do hear that then I'm only going to question my decisions and the past. I know I can't talk to her or think about all this but it's just so hard not too. I still can't find that one thing to hold on to and that will pull me through this. My kids are helping and hurting at the same time. They constantly call her name and cry for her. I can't give them hat they want because I know I can't have it either. And it only makes the situation even worse. I'm going to try relearning the bass. This might help me pass the time and not think about her and this whole mess. I can't stand this, it should not have happened but for some screwed up reason god made it happen. My life has been hard and this only complicates it even further. I wish I had never pressed that damn button on eharmoney. Then I wouldn't feel so bad and wouldn't have to be stuck in this situation. Life would be so easy. Granted the kids wouldn't have been born but then I wouldn't have this enormous mountain of debt and people after me. I would probably have a real nice job and a ton of money. Not to mention a awesome looking car instead of this pos I'm sitting in. I ant so much but I can't have any I it. I'm stuck and I can't get out. My life sucks and I want out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## naga75

Thats a dangerous road youre looking down. 
Life sucks sometimes. Yep. I hate this crap i have to deal with. 
But you only get one, suck or not. 
And think of your kids, man. They need their pops. Trust me, my biological father checked out after he came back from vietnam...ended up losing my mom and us, drank himself to death while feelin sorry for himself every day. 
He died when i was 13. I never forgave him for not putting us first. 
So think about that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Viper640

There was actually one time that I thought about that, but I know that I'm to chicken to actually go through with it. I would be able to since I'd be thinking about it the whole time. Not to mention I not alone to do it. I always have the kids and I can't abandon them. Not like this. She already abandon them by making us go through this. But if she figures her $hit out and comes back then it will be alot better. Like I've said before I can forgive her for sleeping with another man. I'm not so stuck on that. But she needs to find the way and the truth before she comes back. I don't want her to come crawling back after this guy dumps her for the girl he's marrying. That's right, he getting married in June. Yeah, that should start a fire. You can start the heated, flaming comments, I promise to dodge them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jonesey

I´m sorry i know you are hurting

but you wrote

*this guy dumps her for the girl he's marrying. That's right, he getting married in June.*

Please tell you have exposed


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## keko

Find the girl this douche is marrying and tell her what's been happening behind her back.

She deserves to know the truth just like you, so do the right thing and talk to her ASAP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Viper640

Damn, I just wrote a huge post describing the last five months, then I went to another tab and its all gone! I guess god didn't want a detailed recount, so I'll try a short version.

My wife dumped the guy she was cheating on me with and is with a new guy, who has a son, is a bum with no job and is separated/divorced. She made everyone hate her including her own parents who are forcing her out of their house because of her actions. 

They wrecked the car she got with our tax refund and then a few months later traded in my car after I lent it to her to get a brand new versa. We talked about it before she did it, because the transmission was going to die any time. But I didn't know it was going to be brand new...

I found out via my own ways the truth of her affair and all that was said between them. A warning to those who are trying the same thing, it will hurt you to no end. It still hurts just thinking about it. But I found out she got pregnant but it was a ectopic and she had to have a miscarriage before it killed her. She somehow managed to hide it all but I still figured she was pregnant because I spent 18 months with her when she was so I just knew. And I'm not stupid, so she can't hide everything. And I found all sorts of good "dirt" besides that.

So now I stuck here with nothing and no one. Feeling so many things and not know what to do. I was never good with women in the first place so that's why finding someone else is so hard. And I have to deal with her at least once a week so I can ever forget her. 

I'm depressed and I'm lonely. I'm starting to get better but motivation only comes from something I have to do for her or for some else. I can't seem to find time with my kids at my heels all day and I'm stuck with no car. Any advice would be helpful, I'm past the worst but now I'm in the slump and can't find the light. All I want is someone to talk to and not my family, because they won't understand. 

I'm trying to find other people but no one seems to respond to my messages, it's like I scare them or something. I can't figure out a reason to push forward, besides the usual, for my kids. I'm disorganized and lazy and that comes from my add. I'm reading things but they only help so much. Let me know what you all think. Thanks for all the advice so far. Hope I don't stir the nest up that bad....


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## Alpha

Get a grip man. Yeah life can suck but you aren't the only one in this world with problems. 

When the sh*t hit the fan with me a year and a half ago, I found myself with a failing business and debt over $150,000. I spiraled, who wouldn't when you get caught off guard. But I've managed to slowly crawl out of the hole.

Since then I've been able to add new clients to the business and got myself into pretty good shape physically. I still have that weekly drink and cigarettes, but am slowly curbing everything.

Just yesterday the separated wife tried to ask a favor through a text message which I calmly ignored. She even had an acquaintance call me which I again calmly rejected. 

The point I'm trying to make here is that yes it sucks. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You don't need to drive quickly to get there, just take baby steps and go slowly and you will arrive. Just make sure though that you don't lose focus of the final direction.

Put it together!


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## Viper640

Thanks that helps, a little. I'm sure ill make it through it, I just want to know what I can do to make it easier or better. What can I do now to make it though the slump and get out of the rut. Thanks.


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## cdbaker

YEah you'll get through it man. It's tough though believe me I know.

I'm curious, where do things stand with the marriage? Have either of you begun the divorce process? Contacted lawyers? What are the parenting arrangements? If it isn't already over, do you want to save the marriage?


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## Unique Username

Viper...sounds like you need to concentrate on finding and attaining suitable income to support yourself and the children you made. You'll have to ask for help from Family to care for them while you are looking for work/and eventually at work. You need to take any spare time not used looking for a job and caring for your kids and your residence....to get out and be physical. Take the kids to the park and actually exercise and be with them. Find a counselor/Therapist there are many even in small towns and you can usually find them on a sliding scale...since you have teetered on the suicidal/depressed...immediate help is warranted.
You shouldn't even be thinking about dating or other women regardless of what your STBXW is doing. You don't have money or time or mental clarity to date anyone...it would be a disaster...besides you are still married right.

It is really hard to win back trust, it is even harder to earn back respect. From the outside looking in, it sounds like she lost respect for you when you lost your job. Seems this is the point when you relate things changed in your relationship. There certainly was a shift in your roles right....then since you aren't working she (rightfully) assigned parenting duties to you ..you were home. I'm sorry, I think you probably will never be able to fix this dynamic with your spouse.
Add to this that you can no longer trust her...she cheated.


Your situation after losing your job is reallllly similar to a great deal of women. This is a unique opportunity for you to see what Single Moms have had to deal with for decades; Un or Under employment, lack of car, isolated without friends, most of your interaction are with people under 2 yrs old....I empathize with you.
The only thing you can do is, get your ducks in a row. YOU are responsible to support yourself and to provide and protect your children. From what you've written you are the parent better emotionally and physically suited to raising your children. You said your oldest has special needs...so those need to be identified and you need a game plan for his ongoing needs...Start with his pediatrician to find out resources for whatever special needs he has. Sounds like you have lots of things to do to occupy your time. Don't waste time thinking about your "wife" you have yourself, your life and your and your children's future to work on.


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## Unique Username

OH, and you should shoot for Full Custody - her with designated "parenting time" and get child support from her for the kids she made. Only Fair...she chose the switcheroo of caregiving roles herself. 

Also...you can get subsidy for daycare from your local Dept of Family & Children. There are churches that offer "Moms" Day out, vacation bible school etc etc look for resources if you haven't yet attained legal counsel for your divorce, you can find places that offer help to women...doesn't mean they won't help you. Most states have a 211 its like directory assistance for social/community resources.

Good Luck.


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## Viper640

That's quite the kick in ass unique. I would have never worded it so colorfully. I do agree with alot you said. But some I don't. First, I agree I should see a counselor, not because I had suicidal thoughts, but because I need to talk to someone about all this and to sort the feelings out. That's what counsels and therapists do, they talk to you and want you to talk about your feelings. I took a course in psychology, so I understand what the therapist are after. But at the same time you can't learn enough from actual experiance and this one has really got me thinking. 

Like I told you all before my biggest problem is not what I should be doing and what my main focus should be. I already figured that out nine ways to Sunday and beyond. I have made lists of things to do and thought about them a hundred times. I am a thinker, not a do-er. And that is my issue. I want to do so many things but I can't find the motivation, willpower, reasoning, mystical force, whatever you call it that will get me moving and doing the things that I want to do. All I get done is a few things and when it is absolutely imperative that they get done, I do them. I am the worst because I put so much off and just waste the one thing I have, and that is time. 

So if anyone can offer some words of encouragement, tips to change my thought pattern, or some magic spell to kick my ass everyday. I would greatly appreciate it. 

And I also sorta agree that I should date other girls, but I can't agree about not talking to them. It gets so friggen lonely here and I can't talk to anyone at all. Parents and family don't count. I need social stimulation or I'll dry up and become the recluse that I once was, and that is not a pretty thing. So any thoughts on that would be helpful too. 

And lastly, if you want to ask questions about the divorce that's fine, but I hate the logistics of it and won't bother with it until I damn we'll ready for it. I need to sever myself from her before makeing it final. I want that to be last, not first. And I have contacted legal help, but they basically said that the only thing I should be worried about is custody, not alimony or child support. According to them I have the same if not higher earning potential then her and the court won't award me anything because I'm to lazy to go get a job. I wish the working world saw it like that. 

Thanks again to everyone who posts here and offers some words of wisdom, it may not seem like it but I take everything to heart and am happy to have the help through the tough and trying times. I hope everyone has a good week and can get through all their hardships and headaches. Talk to you all later!


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