# A question for Men!



## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

Men I need your help.
It's been months since my wife and I had sex. For 14 years sex has always come about me asking and asking her for sex. Usually I would go months without it. Once in a while I would get sex a few times in one week but that was short lived. MY WIFE DOES NOT ENJOY SEX.... except when I give her oral (she loves that) and cum real fast. Unfortunately for her, it takes me a long time to cum. So, here I am, in a sexless marriage. Unemployed. Feeling like a total loveless undesirable loser. 

I understand I post many question in this forum. Guilty as charged. But I do try to listen what people tell me. Currently I am reading No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Glover. For some reason it's taking me forever to get through the book. I have problems focusing sometimes.

As a man, what would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you go talk to a divorce attorney? Would you seek counseling?


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> As a man, what would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you go talk to a divorce attorney? Would you seek counseling?


I wasn't exactly in your shoes, but I did wake the F up about 5 years ago and realized that I had work to do on myself. You need to reclaim your sack. A few things you may want to try:

-Finish the NMMNG book. Read it again, and do the exercises. Check out the NG forum.
-Since you can't focus, go get tested for ADD.
-Get a job. Any job that brings in a check, just to get a little victory under your belt. Keep searching for the better job you want.
-Read MMSL and run the MAP.
-Hit the gym, buy better clothes, get a better haircut.
-If your W isn't interested in s*x, stop pestering her for it. Take care of your own needs if you feel the urge.
-Work on yourself for a good 6 months, and then evaluate your situation. Maybe your W will feel some attraction towards you, or not. Go from there.


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## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

Did your wife ever like sex? It sounds like she only did it out of obligation. Does she like giving you oral? It doesn't sound like it.

Is she a girly girl?? Does she like getting dressed up? Does she like wearing sexy lingerie? Doesn't sound like it.

Is she on any medication? Sometimes prescription medication kills your sex drive.

I had a girlfriend that after 4 months of dating, she admitted that she doesn't like sex and she only gave me BJ's because that's what a girlfriend is supposed to do. She admitted it was because she was inappropriately touched by a older relative when she was a child and feared intimacy. It was quite sad.

She had beautiful hair and nice outfits but she wore granny panties and didn't shave her pubic hair. This was very odd to me and I finally mentioned to her that "girly girls" do this etc.

She broke up with me saying that she'll never be a sexual person and she needs counselling before pursuing any relationship.

Sometimes people have prior baggage in thier childhood that they never get over.

Counselling might help you two but only if she is willing to open up.

Every married couple needs sex, I think everyone here on this site would admit that.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> As a man, what would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you go talk to a divorce attorney? Would you seek counseling?


I was thinking advice on what you should do was already given in your other threads, but not sure. IMO, it might be best to seek IC for yourself and maybe a professional can better help you with what you need to do or try.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Women don't want sex with guys they don't respect. Counseling MAY help you. Divorce won't get you laid though, at least long term. Because other women will likely feel the same way. 

So your solution? Work on yourself. Until you can respect yourself, nobody else will. Not your child, not your wife... And see where things go after that. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

PBear said:


> Women don't want sex with guys they don't respect. Counseling MAY help you. Divorce won't get you laid though, at least long term. Because other women will likely feel the same way.
> 
> So your solution? Work on yourself. Until you can respect yourself, nobody else will. Not your child, not your wife... And see where things go after that.
> 
> ...


Well said. And it's the truth. I will get the respect I deserve. Things change now.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Get a job and other things will fall into place.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

1) Get a job
2) Stop asking for sex


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

You asked what would we do if we were in your shoes. So I'll answer from that perspective. If it were me I would have filed for divorce after year one. Everyone is different, but I can't understand people that stay in sexless relationships for over a decade. To me they aren't really in relationships. This is just my opinion though. There are guys on here that have found ways to justify two decades in sexless relationships. I just can't understand it. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Its all up to you.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Seriously, get a job. Put all of your energy into that. No healthy woman is attracted to a sad sack. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do some thing about your situation. Stop asking questions, reading books, analyzing, etc. Take action already. What the hell are you waiting for?

The only thing you are a victim of is yourself. Think about it, but not for too long.

Damn it, cut the excuses and get a job already. If you want your wife to view you as a man you have to start acting like one. Right now you sound like a bratty child.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

As everyone has said, get your act together. You have been given lots of good advice on all of the threads you start. However, you don't seem to follow through on any of it. Start actions now. Stop wallowing in self pity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

It's obvious from your other thread that you have a victim complex, and you take every "rejection" as confirmation. You need to work on that, but in the meantime, take concrete actions to better your situation. Devote several hours every day to your job search, and devote an hour every day to getting real exercise (this will also help you perform when you get a job interview AND make you more attractive to your wife). It's easier to work on your "issues" when you're strong.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

*Good advice everyone. Thank you!*



zookeeper said:


> Seriously, get a job. Put all of your energy into that. No healthy woman is attracted to a sad sack. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do some thing about your situation. Stop asking questions, reading books, analyzing, etc. Take action already. What the hell are you waiting for?
> 
> The only thing you are a victim of is yourself. Think about it, but not for too long.
> 
> ...


*Get a job already? Do you know how many job interviews I went on? I even went on the same job interview many different times with the same company. You obviously know nothing about how hard it is for a middle aged white man to get a job out there!! Unreal. And yes, I am even looking for jobs below my level of experience. Unreal how people like you can judge people like me even in this horrible economy. Unreal!
*


Marriedand40 said:


> Did your wife ever like sex? It sounds like she only did it out of obligation. Does she like giving you oral? It doesn't sound like it.
> .


*My wife had a pretty nice sex drive before we were married. In fact, she loved it!!! She kind of liked giving me oral sex then to. Not anymore. She can barely give it. She has excuses like her hands are hurting. Yes, really. She stopped liking sex the night we got married. REALLY!!!! Sure, she liked sex since then. But I ALWAYS HAD TO BEG.*


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> *Good advice everyone. Thank you!*
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Boo hoo. There are plenty of jobs out there, sorry if they are beneath you. When my employer suddenly went out of business a few years ago, I immediately found a new job. It resulted in about a 40% pay cut and a humiliating drop in responsibility. I took it and made it work. A few years later, I have a much better job and am making more that I ever have. You're BS lines about not knowing what it's like out there don't get much traction with me. I've lived it. There are guys from my industry that have been out of work for 5 years or more. They make the same bogus claims you do, that there are no jobs and it is impossible to find anything. Baloney. Those of us that show a little initiative have proven that wrong.

Get a job at Taco Bell. Costco. A car wash. Wherever. I was at Home Depot today and they are hiring for numerous positions. Oh wait, you're too good for that, right? No wonder your wife has no respect for you. Excuses are a poor substitute for action.

Two choices here. You can keep whining, do nothing and watch your wife either divorce you or cheat, or you can actually show some character and get a damn job. Show your wife you have some shred of responsibility, drive and self-worth.

So, why don't you tell us what you really want? Are you looking for help or do you just want another place to whine? I won't bother responding to you any more if you're just here for pity.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

zookeeper said:


> Boo hoo. There are plenty of jobs out there, sorry if they are beneath you. When my employer suddenly went out of business a few years ago, I immediately found a new job. It resulted in about a 40% pay cut and a humiliating drop in responsibility. I took it and made it work. A few years later, I have a much better job and am making more that I ever have. You're BS lines about not knowing what it's like out there don't get much traction with me. I've lived it. There are guys from my industry that have been out of work for 5 years or more. They make the same bogus claims you do, that there are no jobs and it is impossible to find anything. Baloney. Those of us that show a little initiative have proven that wrong.
> 
> Get a job at Taco Bell. Costco. A car wash. Wherever. I was at Home Depot today and they are hiring for numerous positions. Oh wait, you're too good for that, right? No wonder your wife has no respect for you. Excuses are a poor substitute for action.
> 
> ...


*You clearly have a chip on your shoulder. You don't know what kinds of jobs I have applied for. You don't know what pay cut I have been willing to take. You just come on here attacking me with your macho self aggrandizing attitude and judge me. Oh well. That's your right I suppose.*


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> *You clearly have a chip on your shoulder. You don't know what kinds of jobs I have applied for. You don't know what pay cut I have been willing to take. You just come on here attacking me with your macho self aggrandizing attitude and judge me. Oh well. That's your right I suppose.*


Ok, I'm done with you. Keep making excuses. Good luck.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

zookeeper said:


> Ok, I'm done with you. Keep making excuses. Good luck.


*Thank you for not abusing me anymore.*


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You do know that zookeeper was simply giving you some tough love correct?

Now I don't know how it is where you live, is it a small town? What are your qualifications? What transferrable skills do you have? Etc etc


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> You do know that zookeeper was simply giving you some tough love correct?
> 
> *Now I don't know how it is where you live, is it a small town? What are your qualifications? What transferrable skills do you have? Etc etc*


*

I know what tough love is. And I invite it. What ZK was giving me was some macho ignorant self righteous ranting. I don't need it.
Yes, I know I need a kick in the ass. I know that. And yes, I know I fall into the victim role. I also know when I don't have to take an attitude from someone with his tone.

I live in a busy area where there are many jobs. I would guess I have many transferable skills. I have a BA. I have years of experience in various fields.*


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well if you invite a kick in the ass, you can't complain when that kick comes with a boot mate. Chill, try not to see it as that, he was trying to inspire and encourage you, even with a boot.

Now you say you are in a busy area with many jobs, you have many transferrable skills, and a BA, and years of experience. Why are you still out of work? Why are your applications rejected? You mentioned you have gone for many interviews, how do you carry yourself in them? How do you respond their questions?

Also, are you registed with job agencies? Not only will they help you but they can also work on your interview skills.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Well if you invite a kick in the ass, you can't complain when that kick comes with a boot mate. Chill, try not to see it as that, he was trying to inspire and encourage you, even with a boot.
> 
> Now you say you are in a busy area with many jobs, you have many transferrable skills, and a BA, and years of experience. Why are you still out of work? Why are your applications rejected? You mentioned you have gone for many interviews, how do you carry yourself in them? How do you respond their questions?
> 
> Also, are you registed with job agencies? Not only will they help you but they can also work on your interview skills.



*I am an older worker. I am in my early 50s. And my resume is very scattered. I suppose they see me and wonder why I have not lasted at any job for a long time. That's another problem. I can be witty at job interviews. I can also be very nervous. I can show my anxiety on my face. I should look into doing mock job interviews somewhere this week. I think I will look into that.*


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> *I am an older worker. I am in my early 50s. And my resume is very scattered. I suppose they see me and wonder why I have not lasted at any job for a long time. That's another problem. I can be witty at job interviews. I can also be very nervous. I can show my anxiety on my face. I should look into doing mock job interviews somewhere this week. I think I will look into that.*


Another thing I suggested when you first started posting your job woes was to get a job coach. Other people suggested following up with the people you interview with to find out why you're not being hired. What have you done as far as improving your interview issues?

C


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah mock interviews are a good starting point. For me I never had problems with interviews after my experiences in direct marketing - where I was selling products to customers face to face. It took alot of confidence and at times, also a poker face. Interviews are no different; you simply have to sell yourself.

Sign up for job agencies, they can organise mock interviews for you and also guide you in improving your ability to sell.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> *Good advice everyone. Thank you!*
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'd have to live under a rock to assume it's easy to get a job these days, but what are you going to do, give up? I don't know how many job interviews you went on. How many did you go on? Ultimately, there's only one number of job interviews that matters -- the number it takes to get yourself a job. Maybe you grew up in a time when it was easier to get a job, and now you're having a hard time adjusting to just how much effort it takes.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

John Lee said:


> I'd have to live under a rock to assume it's easy to get a job these days, but what are you going to do, give up? I don't know how many job interviews you went on. How many did you go on? Ultimately, there's only one number of job interviews that matters -- the number it takes to get yourself a job. Maybe you grew up in a time when it was easier to get a job, and now you're having a hard time adjusting to just how much effort it takes.


You could relocate yourself to a place where there is more jobs of the type your seeking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

manohman-I think the common answer I have seen in your multiple threads is ironically for you to man up. You hate that answer. Can't get you laid if she does not hold you in high regard.
You need to be attractive to her and you are not, if you were, you would at least get the sex her libido would allow. Instead you get zero, and that is b/c she would rather do anything at the end of the day then you. Change that. Start the 180 process and read a book already. 
BTW - no one wants to hire someone that can't even finish a book that might help them get laid.
good luck


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

*I had a very interesting dream about work last night. Funny how lucid a CPAP machine can make you dream with enough oxygen to the brain. Yes, I have sleep apnea. Perhaps that has added to my woes.

Here was my dream. I dreamed I got a job! Yes, a job! When I went on the job I was trying to type something into a iPad tablet for one of the people who hired me. I was having a hard time typing in the Pad and was getting flustered. The woman laughed and said "oh, you're so funny. You're either to the right (hot) or to the left (cold) but you're never centered." THAT SAYS A LOT ABOUT ME!!! I'm never centered! I think this fact about me adds to my problems in my marriage, in getting or keeping a job!!!

By the way, to answer a few questions, I don't hate the answers given to me about manning up. And I have been on many, many, many job interviews.*


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I think the same reason things are not going well with your wife, and lack of sex, etc, are the same reasons you might not be getting these jobs you are applying for. I think its all in the attitude and self confidence or lack there of. IMO all these things are tied together.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Sometimes the issue IS your wife, and theres not a darn thing you can do about it. I lived the last five years of my marriage sexless, thinking I was "hanging in there" and "doing what any good husband would do, giving her time, making room, working on myself." Then I got the talk. The one where she said she didnt love me anymore. 
Im not a troll or an abusive person, I may have lost a lot of respect by not earning as much or more than she, and the "fun times" that could be afforded with that, were applied to her sense of how good our marriage was. Oral was most times, out of the question. She felt it was degrading to her. She didnt mind receiving though, by any means. I was always up for it, treated her like she was sexy even with the extra 75lbs that removed all physical attraction for me. Her attitude was what really ruined things for me, and at what point I finally just gave up, and decided to quit pursuing. 
It seems that only opened the doors to an affair, and I lost my family. 
The biggest part about life for me has come down to how I feel about myself. Which is not very good, and at 41, I am having a really hard time getting anywhere. My job doesnt pay for half of what I do, but as you said, in this economy, what can a person do?
I guess we just keep trying. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, because if we give up, we betray ourselves and our opinion of ourselves, and I have to be able to live with myself. Its about all I am down to, nowadays.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Sometimes the issue IS your wife, and theres not a darn thing you can do about it.


*That is so true!!!*


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Sometimes the flipside of a victim complex is entitlement -- "I should get a job just because I apply. Someone should be paying me just for showing up. My wife should be having sex with me just because I exist." So the "victim" side is "I'm not getting what I deserve, life is unfair to me, life sucks."


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Reincarnation of a previously banned user.

Thread closed.


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