# Is my Husband Changing His Mind About "D"?



## Mslady1 (Jul 1, 2010)

On Friday my husband and I appeared in court for what we "thought" was going to be a "mediation" conference. 

Turns out it was aa "trial setting" conference to proceed with our Divorce!


Prior to entering the courtroom we sat with each other, talked, and laughed for about 20 min's which is not consistent with a couple going through a divorce. Especially since he filed after discovering my A and we have not spoken with each other in over 2 months.


Upon entering the courtroom and realizing that we were not going to see a mediator I think we were both confused and somewhat disappointed. 


When we approached the bench, the judge set our trial date. THEN...my husband proceeded to tell the judge that he/we were confused. My husband went on to explain to the judge that he/we were under the impression that we would be meeting with a mediator in hopes of settling outside of court. 


The judge proceeded to tell him that we would not be meeting with a mediator and that a trial date is now set for August 12. The judge also asked my husband why is he wavering in his decision to move forward as this case has cost the courts time and money?? 

My husband responded and said that he was just confused and obviously misinformed and had no choice but to accept our trial date. 


After my husband and I walked outside the courthouse we were both confused and disappointed that we did not get to see a mediator and I think nervous about our upcoming trial date. To be honest, I was hoping to see a mediator to see if it was possible to work on our marriage through couples counseling before Divorce proceedings but I now realized that was NOT going to happen here.


Since he'd mentioned that he was hungry ealier I asked if he wanted to go to lunch and he said yes right away and suggested a local restaraunt. 


During our lunch we talked more and did a lot of catching up on each other's families, our lives, etc...After lunch he took me for a ride in his new truck that he is very proud of I might add I think we "ended" on a good note and I am optimistic at this but scared to get hurt because I've tried so many times to get our marriage back on track during our separation only for him to take me on a painful roller coaster ride. Which given our history I can't say I blame him.


Anyhow, when we returned from taking a spin in his new truck he walked me to my car and held out his arms to welcome a hug from me. As I went to hug him I asked, "So you are still going to divorce me, huhh ??" He didn't respond he just laughed a little. So after we hugged I asked him again (while smiling) if he was still going to divorce me. 

He then responded and said, "WE'LL TALK." At that time I didn't ask again. I got in my car and said thanks again for the lunch while remaining pleasant.

To say the least this was not a typical behavior for a soon to be "Divorced" couple. Driving home I couldn't help but scratch my head while trying to make something of it. 

I'm still not quite sure what to think of it .Any thoughts or suggestions out there? 

I'm curious to see if other folks out there have experienced this type of behaviour during divorce proceedings?


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

The only advice that i can give is to give time time. If you really don't want to divorce him tell him that instead of giving hints. Trust that you will be fine with or without him if he decides not to change his mind. If you divorce forgive him, that's been the best advice i can give based on my experience. By letting go of resentment, doubts, sadness, and wish them the best is how we will heal and find peace. I wish you the best in this journey 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Neverwouldhave guessed (May 5, 2010)

I think many couples divorce because neither party can swallow their pride and say how the REALLY feel. What do you have to lose? Absolutely nothing! If you really want to try to reconcile, wait a few more days and if he hasn't contacted, you I would suggest you send a well thought out letter. Mail it or give it to him in person. That way, you'll never wonder "what if ?"


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

So if you want to mediate, you get a mediator, you make a property division, if you have kids you have a written parental plan, you have support issues agreed upon you have all the paperwork filled out and present it to the judge he looks at it decides if it is fair and if he agrees with it he grants you a divorce. Its like an out of court settlement at least here it is.

Now if you decide you want more time to consider reconcillation I dont know the steps you go through for that. 

As for this being typicial I dont know if there is such a thing as typicial I know Xs that remained best friends after divorce and I know Xs that hated each other after divorce and many different shades inbetween the two extremes for different people.


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## nealy49 (Jul 11, 2010)

Your situation sounds like mine. We can be together and laugh and have a great time. Just enough to get my hopes up. A few days later, he'll say or do something to cause me to crash and burn. Four days ago on what would have been our 10th anniversary, he called to say he still loves me and then no effort at working on a relationship. This has been the cycle for the past 4 1/2 months. I feel like I'm a toy to be played with and then thrown into a corner. 

Any advice? I think a total timeout for a few weeks might help both of us see things clearer.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

nealy49 said:


> Your situation sounds like mine. We can be together and laugh and have a great time. Just enough to get my hopes up. A few days later, he'll say or do something to cause me to crash and burn. Four days ago on what would have been our 10th anniversary, he called to say he still loves me and then no effort at working on a relationship. This has been the cycle for the past 4 1/2 months. I feel like I'm a toy to be played with and then thrown into a corner.
> 
> Any advice? I think a total timeout for a few weeks might help both of us see things clearer.


Have you told him what you want and expect from him? He amy think he did something awesome by remembering your anniversery and telling you he loves you. Sometimes men dont know what a woman wants and sometimes a woman expects a man to be mind reader(please note the usage of the words may and sometimes)


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## Zulu (Apr 16, 2010)

This is so true, men are neither mind readers nor very good at picking up hints etc... we are probably notoriously bad... you need to let him know. It seems he may possibly be wondering...


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