# Wife wants non-intercouse 4some with best friends



## Bnu (Mar 20, 2013)

My wife and I have been happily married for 4 years. No real fights everything is great. We have two beautiful girls together. In the past year and a half we have become extremely good friends with another married couple. My wife and the woman have developed a crush on each other. My wife and her think it would be fun if they made out while us the husbands had sex with them. They asy nothing other than making out. My wife says she has no interest in the husband and it would be better if it were the 3 of us. This obviously would never happen. Just interested in opinions.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

I would watch this crush if I were you. Sounds to me like your wife and her friend may have already escalated this so called crush. IMO, bringing a 3rd or 4th person into your marriage could be the end for you. I could never understand why anyone would bring more people into the marriage, of course they claim it is just sex.

Do you honestly think they just want to make out. Before you konw it they will be going down on eachother. If I were you I would consider this a HUGE RED FLAG!! Just my opinion of course.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

I don't think watching and not participating (or at least masturbating) would be very fun for me.

The thing that interests me is why you would say "This would obviously never happen." Why wouldn't it? You're wife and her are interested in the idea enough to bring it up to you (and the other husband I assume). But the _way_ they're bringing up (i.e. they get to make out while you and the other hubby stand by and watch) seems weird to me. 

I generally try to not be the one to shout "Affair!" But to me it sounds like they've made out a couple times already and are looking to legitimize it (first it's you watching behind closed doors, then it's in public because "what's the big deal, we're only making out? Nothing dirty about that," to you and the other hubby have to find roommates and your sharing custody with your ex-wife and her new wife.


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## Bnu (Mar 20, 2013)

Thanks, I agree and they have kissed after I expressed my disinterest in the matter. Behind my back no less. Claim they didn't know how serious I was about it. My wife says I am taking this to seriously. She will never do it again now that she knows how serious I am about it.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Bnu said:


> Thanks, I agree and they have kissed after I expressed my disinterest in the matter. Behind my back no less. Claim they didn't know how serious I was about it. My wife says I am taking this to seriously. She will never do it again now that she knows how serious I am about it.


This is not at all surprising. Time to take action OP, she is cheating on you.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Speaking as someone who has a semi-open LTR... You're venturing into dangerous waters, and you better make damned sure you can swim. 

Personally, I wouldn't do this with a couple that you're close friends with. The chances of it blowing up in your face is too great. I doubt you'll get much support in here on your post...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Your wife is saying she'd prefer just you, her and the girlfriend. The girlfriend probably told her hubby the same thing. Don't be surprised if you find out that your wife has already had a 3sum with the girlfriend and the girlfriend's husband. You might be the only one who's left out.

FYI these "friends" are no friends of your marriage. If you let these people continue to sniff around, they will have your wife (assuming they haven't already).


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## Bnu (Mar 20, 2013)

I explained if she wanted to explore her sexuality that in time I may be ok with a threesome with someone there are no attachments with and no contact after.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)




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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Bnu said:


> My wife and I have been happily married for 4 years. No real fights everything is great. We have two beautiful girls together. In the past year and a half we have become extremely good friends with another married couple. My wife and the woman have developed a crush on each other. My wife and her think it would be fun if they made out while us the husbands had sex with them. They asy nothing other than making out. My wife says she has no interest in the husband and it would be better if it were the 3 of us. This obviously would never happen. Just interested in opinions.


This is a type of soft swap.

But your wife wanting another sexually is bad enough.

You need to stop their affair. Your wife needs to go NC with the couple.

Wait. I can hear a train whistle.


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## Bnu (Mar 20, 2013)

what is a soft swap?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I really think you're in over your head. If you and your wife aren't on the same page and don't have rock solid, open, and honest communication, this is likely to end really badly. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Bnu said:


> what is a soft swap?


Sex with your normal partner while in the room with another couple also having sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Madman1 (Oct 24, 2012)

Never do this! It will change your marriage forever. I could point you to threads here (if I could find them again) they never end well.

But you have a bigger problem, you wife is already unfaithful in her heart to you . Your marriage is in trouble!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

This will not end well either way now

Your wife is already involved in an affair whether you want to believe it or not

Did you know she was bisexual when you married her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Interesting. So, is this something you are not interested in, or something that alarms you? Does this cause you to rethink your boundaries or those you place on your wife? I think the fact that she brought it up to you is important to explore what she wants, why she wants it and what she hopes to get from it. Also, how do you put this jeannie back in the bottle if it doesn't turn out well?

What subsequent conversations have you had with your wife?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Bnu said:


> Thanks, I agree and they have kissed after I expressed my disinterest in the matter. Behind my back no less. Claim they didn't know how serious I was about it. My wife says I am taking this to seriously. She will never do it again now that she knows how serious I am about it.


Not all people feel that two women kissing is cheating. Obviously, you do feel this way and now that you've made that clear your wife can respect that boundary. 

Actually, regarding two women... The Orthodox Jews and some fundamentalist Christians don't see lesbianism as wrong in any respect. Seeing as how women lovers aren't in the bible and all. I even saw one web site written by a fundamentalist Christian who talked about inviting his wife's lesbian lover into the bedroom and how it wouldn't be adultery so long as the husband only touched his wife, and the "lesbian lover" only touched the husband at the same time and place the wife touched him. Way to get your freak on Mr. Minister!

I have two very dear close life long friends and we joke around about being lesbians together once we all move into a retirement community, but actually inviting one of them into my bedroom with my H... I think this would not be wise or a good thing for him. Our friendship is too strong and he'd be marginalized. However, if he asked for something like this...maybe...


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Bnu said:


> My wife and I have been happily married for 4 years. No real fights everything is great. We have two beautiful girls together. In the past year and a half we have become extremely good friends with another married couple. My wife and the woman have developed a crush on each other. My wife and her think it would be fun if they made out while us the husbands had sex with them. They asy nothing other than making out.


But all four of you are in the room at the time? What does the OM say about this plan? Have you spoken to him about it?



Bnu said:


> My wife says she has no interest in the husband and it would be better if it were the 3 of us.


This may be what OW told OM and they may have already had a 3 some with your wife. It could be they're just bringing you on board with the soft swap to defuse the potential problems. It happens a lot, amazingly.



Bnu said:


> This obviously would never happen. Just interested in opinions.


It may have already happened, just with OM and OW and your W.



Bnu said:


> Thanks, I agree and they have kissed after I expressed my disinterest in the matter. Behind my back no less.


See what I mean? And the probably "kissed" _before_ they brought it up with you, you just haven't learned that yet. 



Bnu said:


> Claim they didn't know how serious I was about it.


BS. Time to go 007 on your wife and this couple. Be very cool about everything from here on out Ask OM if they mentioned it to him and get his thoughts. My guess is he knows all about it and has already watched or show, maybe nailed your wife. He'll act like it's all news to him, otherwise why didn't he sound you out? 



Bnu said:


> My wife says I am taking this to seriously. She will never do it again now that she knows how serious I am about it.


Tell her you thank her for putting the marriage and your concerns first. Then be all cool and happy and never mention it. Meanwhile, you need to start monitoring with a couple of VARs, GPS, etc. How do they keep in touch? What phone does your wife have?



Bnu said:


> I explained if she wanted to explore her sexuality that in time I may be ok with a threesome with someone there are no attachments with and no contact after.


She will take this as an almost Okay, which her rationalization hamster will say is good enough. Be cool and monitor the heck out of them. Call OM.



Bnu said:


> what is a soft swap?


Usually it means everybody is naked, kissing, fondling, oral, toys. No vaginal or anal penetration by the various penes.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

BNU,

I seriously hope you have established new boundaries and are looking for new best friends.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Bnu said:


> Thanks, I agree and they have kissed after I expressed my disinterest in the matter. Behind my back no less. Claim they didn't know how serious I was about it. My wife says I am taking this to seriously. She will never do it again now that she knows how serious I am about it.


This isn't clear enough, but raises red flags regardless.

The "behind my back" part trips the alarm bells, and the minimization (you are taking this too seriously) plus playing dumb (I had no idea how seriously you were opposed)... that points to someone very eager to rationalize behavior they know is wrong.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Remember the show Friends? Remember his Ross's wife wanted a threesome with this girl she met at the gym.

He's you.

Your wife has said, sure ill stop, but hey babe you know what would be even better than my stopping? Even better would be me getting to do what I wanted to do, but now with your permission.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> This is a type of soft swap.
> 
> But your wife wanting another sexually is bad enough.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I can actually hear the train receding into the distance.

OP, if your W and her friend are at the stage where they're talking about making out in front of you and her H, you can bet they've already been rehearsing their act. Women don't talk like this to one another unless they've already 'dabbled.'

Time for your W's affair to end.


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## drake06949 (Jan 12, 2013)

I'm I the only one who feels sorry for the two kids in this family. Total disaster.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> My wife and I have been happily married for 4 years. No real fights everything is great. We have two beautiful girls together. In the past year and a half we have become extremely good friends with another married couple. My wife and the woman have developed a crush on each other. My wife and her think it would be fun if they made out while us the husbands had sex with them. They asy nothing other than making out. My wife says she has no interest in the husband and it would be better if it were the 3 of us. This obviously would never happen. Just interested in opinions.


Would this be any different if it was another man instead of a woman? If both of you are happily married then why is your wife having a crush with another person? Why does your wife wish to have sexual contact with someone outside the marriage? 

-Your wife has developed an emotional/physical attraction with another person and has plotted together to get both husbands on board with there extramarital relationship.

-Your wife has already exchanged bodily fluids with another person behind your back and now wants permission to do it in front of your face. 

-Your wife has suggested it would be better to have a threesome with just you and her friend. I bet her friend is saying the same thing to her husband about your wife. 

I guess getting some coffee or going shopping with the "friend" has a whole other meaning now. I wonder how "happy" your marriage would be if you ask your wife not to spend time with her girlfriend anymore. 

Threesome, foursomes or whatever will only create jealousy, deceit and resentment. Protect your marriage from this nonsense for your marriage and children's sake. Tell your wife what does she value more, the extra marital relationship that she has already participated in behind your back or your happy marriage with 2 children?


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Please set good boundaries and protect your marriage. If you don't she will lose respect for you and you will have opened the doors to something that could break your marriage.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

Bnu said:


> what is a soft swap?


Actually, the answer to this is a little more complex than was posted above.

A soft swap can be a lot of things, with escalating amounts of interaction.

Same-room sex (you have sex in the same room as another couple, who have sex)
Girls only swap (the girls interact, while the men watch and then everyone has sex with their normal partner)
Make-out swap (swap with other couple for kissing, cuddling, touching through clothes, then back to normal partners for sex)
Strip swap (swap with other couple for kissing, with fondling & clothing removal, then back to normal partner for sex)
Intimate swap (swap with other couple, allowing intimate touch - fingering, hand-jobs, etc, but not oral - then swap back for sex with normal partner)
Oral swap (everything, including oral sex allowed with other couple - but no PIV)

So, lots of different 'levels' as it were, all of which can be considered 'soft' - i.e. they stop short of full sex.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Bnu, I have to agree with all that the guys say here. Its no coincidence that your W is now asking for a girly night in front of you. The really must have tried out some sort of sexual activity already so that they know how the land lies. The potential for the other guy to be involved already is very high, even if he's only been allowed sexual contact with his W whilst you W plays with her as well or hes been present watch. The idea your W has brought o the table is very well formalised. Shes admitted to a little making out, which in cheating tearms is a softener for we've had sexual contact but will not admit to it. Its really cheating as vows are clear "foresaking all others" and not "foresaking all men but women is ok". 
This is alrady a full blown affair and it seems you are deep down really worry about this else why ask for advice from a forum.
You need to gett o th truth on all levels and make sure your are getting it as well. Id certainly get out to see the other H without your W knowing in advance and put in some good old detective actions. I suspect that his story will not be as clinical as your W and if he finds out that his W is happy to have a threesome without him he may well react accordingly.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sounds like your wife figured out that shes a lesbian.


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## forevermemorable (Oct 19, 2012)

I think a lot of posters have posted right on information...to which I wholeheartedly agree with them. I wanted to throw another voice out and say that I see a marriage collapsing right before my eyes. Its just a matter of months.

Your wife is going to have to make some hard choices and I fear for you bro...because it is a bad place to be. You see, if you stand your ground and tell her that what she is doing in unacceptable in your marriage, she is forced to choose this gal friend or you. That is what it comes down to. You cannot have a marriage that works when their is infidelity. And yes, infidelity can take place with the same sex! Don't be deceived into thinking how hot it is that your wife is shacking up with another women. This other gal is killing your marriage, which you do not realize it.

Maybe your wife has missed the college years of fooling around and exploring and if she has, she is now open the door to pandora's box. In fact, she has already opened the door and it is going to be a hard one to close. Pandora's box is not just filled with the fantasies your wife is exploring, but all sorts of wickedness and debauchery.

This best couple friend HAS got to go! There is no ifs, ands, or butts about it!

Stop pondering what it would be like if you were involved in a threesome! I am glad I missed out on that growing up and I have been attacked with those same thoughts. But I reject those thoughts and do not give place for them to take root within my mind. You can do the same thing. Do whatever it takes to save your marriage, because it is in jeopardy! Listen to the other voices that have responded to you in this thread...good advise. Listen to that still small voice of reason, understanding, and wisdom in your head telling you right from wrong. You came to this forum and posted your thread because you know deep down that something is off...it is now your job to head to those who have responded with sincere wisdom and understanding. You can do it!


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Your marriage is already in trouble. If you want it to completely end, just continue the way you are going. There is much more going on behind the scenes here.


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## Centurions (Jan 31, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Your wife wants to sleep with that woman but doesn't want to cheat on you.

Don't let her do this, unless you're ok with her and this woman having sex when you're not around.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Go a head and do it. I look forward to your posts on the divorce section.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

It appears that the OP has disappeared?


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

didnt hear what he wanted to I guess, or maybe he got the wake up call about a three way without him


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## kandlestick (Feb 17, 2013)

Do it!


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Lordhavok said:


> didnt hear what he wanted to I guess, or maybe he got the wake up call about a three way without him


He probably got better advice at "Talk About Swinging" forum.


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