# Suddenly she is mad



## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

I have been married 34 years to a woman I love madly and deeply.

For my entire marriage I have been in contact with my ex-girlfriend. Once the romance died, we became friends. Two years after we broke up. I met my wife. Besides my love for my wife, I think she is the sexiest and most beautiful woman in the world. I tell her this every day.

On EXG birthday and Xmas I send her an electronic card /short email telling her what is going on with me and my family.

She does the same for me. 

My wife knows I do this and her husband knows does the same.

In addition when my wife and I travel back to my old-home town, EXG and I meet for coffee. I always invite my wife and she invites her husband to join us. They never come. On the last visit EXG showed me the pictures from her daughter's wedding. This was three years ago.

*Other than the above there is absolutely NO contact: no facebook, no skype, no nothing.*

Suddenly my wife is getting upset about this. To make her happy I am going to tell my ex-girlfriend no more cards.

Did I cross any lines? Was this improper contact?

WWHT


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Not saying something is up, but the CWI section is full of stories of ex's getting back together or the "old flame" never did die.

If things were "ok" before, do you know why the change now?

The reason for the change may be very important.

For me, I would cut all contact with ex's and focus on the immediate family. That's just me though.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

I don't know what may have triggered it. Perhaps she discovered TAM and is thinking about it in a new light. More seriously perhaps she notices something in your recent behavior or the ex that is causing her concern and seem like red flags. You are doing the right thing to respect her boundary and that in itself will prove to her that you care. 

You didn't do much with the ex anyway so I would just let it drop.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

Doesn't really matter if she never had a problem with it before, because she does now. You have the right idea here: cut ties with the ex to help your situation at home.

SH


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

whowouldhavethought said:


> Did I cross any lines? Was this improper contact?


If you are telling the truth, this was not improper contact. 

After *34 years* this is a problem??? That's one hell of a long time. 

Have you tried simply asking her why it's suddenly an issue now? That matters, because if there's another underlying reason, then she's going to start getting mad about other things even if you cut off contact with the exgf.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Maybe it always bothered her but she reached a tipping point? Can you think of anything that may have upset her lately? Have you had what could be construed as a friendship with a new woman? Said something about exgf that might be considered by your wife as indicative of continued feelings? 

None of this has to be reasonable in your mind. Think of any recent occurrence have set her off no matter how benign it seems to you. Has anyone in your social circle or family recently D or involved infedelity? I agree it's important to find out what she is thinking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

whowouldhavethought said:


> I have been married 34 years to a woman I love madly and deeply.
> 
> For my entire marriage I have been in contact with my ex-girlfriend. Once the romance died, we became friends. Two years after we broke up. I met my wife. Besides my love for my wife, I think she is the sexiest and most beautiful woman in the world. I tell her this every day.
> 
> ...


Since it was all above board for decades and your W has apparently been OK with it all this time, surely nothing improper occurred. But something has occurred in your wife's thinking that may have changed her view. Could be something unrelated and this is the manifestation. You two should talk...


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## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> Maybe it always bothered her but she reached a tipping point? Can you think of anything that may have upset her lately? Have you had what could be construed as a friendship with a new woman? Said something about exgf that might be considered by your wife as indicative of continued feelings?
> 
> None of this has to be reasonable in your mind. Think of any recent occurrence have set her off no matter how benign it seems to you. Has anyone in your social circle or family recently D or involved infedelity? I agree it's important to find out what she is thinking.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have absolutely no idea what is going on.

1. No new friendship with any woman.

2. Only two mention of ExGF in past 30 days. One was telling her I was sending her a birthday card.

3. I mentioned to wife that I was sending an email to a bunch of friends that I was undergoing major surgery next week. When she asked to whom, I gave her a list of 10 friends that also included ExGF.

4. No one to the best of knowledge had recent infidelity or divorce.

WWHT


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Major surgery. Perhaps she tolerated this ex friendship so as not to make waves. Women often say nothing about the little things that bother them in a relationship. All of the litt le things and up to one blowout. The man in her life is totally taken aback. 

The concern about your surgery, the fear that you may not recover may have upset her. Sharing the news with the ex may have seemed to elevate her to a level of importance that your wife was not aware of. 

She went from someone you sent birthday cards, to someone important enough to inform about a personal thing. She was placed among your close family a nd friends. Does that ring true? It's not reasonable but in a way I understand her reaction. 

Why was it so important to tell the ex that you were having surgery? Why not wait until you your usual update to let her know you came through surgery well? 

You thought of the ex at a time of great stress when a person usually thinks of the people they love the mos. So think, why did you tell her now? 

There may be more there than you are willing to admit. Did this the ex break the relationship off? Was she the one who got away? Did you ever regret not having married her? 

If the contact was so infrequent why was she on your mind before major surgery?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Major surgery. Perhaps she tolerated this ex friendship so as not to make waves. Women often say nothing about the little things that bother them in a relationship. All of the litt le things and up to one blowout. The man in her life is totally taken aback.
> 
> The concern about your surgery, the fear that you may not recover may have upset her. *Sharing the news with the ex may have seemed to elevate her to a level of importance that your wife was not aware of. *
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Yes, this makes perfect sense. If I were his wife, I'd be wondering exactly that. Why is this woman on the list?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

whowouldhavethought said:


> Besides my love for my wife, I think she is the sexiest and most beautiful woman in the world. I tell her this every day.


You tell this to who? Your wife? If your wife, that is pretty much letting her know she has competition, in my book. If it's the Ex, you are in contact more than you suggest. I don't understand why this is coming up now after all these years, but perhaps the upcoming surgery has her feeling worried and bringing the Ex into it is making her more worried?


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## mtn.lioness (Oct 29, 2013)

norajane said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Yes, this makes perfect sense. If I were his wife, I'd be wondering exactly that. Why is this woman on the list?


I agree, that would hit a nerve.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Hmmm thought about this more. Maybe this will help because it may be what your wife is thinking. Her upset may not be out of right field.

This woman seems very important to you. So much so that instead of just not contacting her, you are adding more drama by telling her "no more cards." 

It's like you are breaking the love relationship a second time. You will have to tell the ex why, discuss your wife and your relationship, and apologize for your wife. 

Just stop sending her updates and seeing her when you are in town. If she ask why tell her that you are recovering and concentrating on time with your wife and family. 

I have a tendency to overthink things so please don't be insulted by the following but do consider it. 

Why are you wasting emotional energy on this unimportant woman that you contact so infrequently.  Especially at this time? Is the ex on your mind a lot? Fantasies? You may have more problems than you think.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Just the fact that you are on this site asking why should be somewhat of a signal to you. At the end of the day your beautiful, sexiest woman of earth of 34 years has made a reasonable request that you cease contact with someone of the opposite sex. My suggestion.......comply immediately and move on.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

OP, I'm of two minds about this but here's the pivot point to me: how important is this to your marriage? It's an old GF you contact twice a year, not a close friend or family member - in other words, at least two tiers below your wife in terms of importance. If it makes your wife uncomfortable, you should cut off all contact. If she's usually pretty loose with worrying about where you are and what you are doing (AKA trusting you), then this is even more important, as it obviously is enough for her to voice concern when historically she doesn't. (If she is constantly placing demands on your conduct, then there are other issues here, but you didn't indicate as such.)

Now having said that, the corollary action is to ask her flat out why this bothers her so suddenly. You don't need to be accusatory or aggressive about it but do not let her worm out of the question either. Get to the bottom and root out the feelings, lest this fester and turn into something worse. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Best o' luck.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Count your blessings that your wife tolerated this for 34 years - that's 34 years longer than I would have.

Isn't there an expiration date on ex-girlfriends/boyfriends? Oh, yeah, the day you marry someone else. The fact that neither your wife nor her husband ever joined the two of you to catch up should have given you a clue.


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## dontbeused (Nov 15, 2013)

whowouldhavethought said:


> I have absolutely no idea what is going on.
> 
> 1. No new friendship with any woman.
> 
> ...


Sounds like your W had security at one point and now finds herself insecure. Age, she got fat, hormonal change, who knows, something changed, and I doubt it was anything you did according to what you have written to us. Talk to her about what happened.


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## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

Figured it out, I think. Last night I noticed her handwriting had changed markedly in the past week. A week ago, good readable cursive. Now it goes at an angle and is unreadable. When I asked her to look at her writing and asked her what had changed, she said they were the same.

Talked to the family neurologist and he said to take her to local emergency room. She would be checked out to see if she had *another* mini-stroke. The ER decided to keep her overnight. The doc saw her this morning and said she also had some minor vision changes: can't see as much out of the left eye and does not know it.

So at CT-Scan has been ordered. But he said he thought she suffered another stroke.

Thanks one and all.

WWHT


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Wow. Wishing you both well and her a full recovery.


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## Boottothehead (Sep 3, 2013)

Omg. Keeping you in our collective thoughts. Thank god she has such an attentive spouse.


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## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

This would be her second stroke, if it is. One of the things I did not say in the messages is that we are oldsters. She and has been ever since the day I first laid eyes on her, the most beautiful and sexiest woman in the whole world. Over our entire marriage there has never been one serious fight. I have always had her back and she mine. The trouble is age is catching us with us.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I am so sorry your wife is ill. Bless you both and I hope she comes this and your surgery is successful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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