# Of course....but maybe...



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Thread name inspired by Louis CK....Love this guy.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkjmzEEQUlE

This is not really an issue in my life, but something I've been thinking about as my kids mature (and even bring it up to us).

Topic at hand: Marijuana

Wife and I like to vaporize (we don't smoke) occasionally. We used to smoke it but it just smelled too much (clothes/body) and also we noticed Vaping has produced much better results/cleaner feeling etc.

Our children never really knew, well, they had an idea as they got older but we never communicated about it and always did our best to hide it.

Anyways, about a year back our daughter wanted to do it (she is 15, friends have been talking about it/doing it etc) and we did our best to educate her on the subject and simply recommended that "she is too young and should wait until 18 and possibly 21"

Recently we noticed that they know and they communicated it to us. We told them "half truth" and said that wife has severe chronic pain and I have chronic disease (both of which are true) and it helps us. 

In reality although it does help my deal with her chronic pain and it does have value for my disease (I just don't need it....yet and current meds are taking care of my issues).

Anyways, it was a nice excuse if you will.

But now I've been thinking about this entire situation. And I'm wondering, is there a certain age where parents should introduce their children to MaryJ? 

I kind of feel weird cause we don't really drink (maybe once every few months) and our family has a history of alcohol abuse AND DEATH. Yet we already let our children sample beer in the past (once or twice) and we don't find anything wrong with that (again, even though we are not big drinkers).

But I can't possibly take the same approach with weed. Mostly because it is illegal (well now it's legal for medicine in my state).....but it still seems "taboo" within our society? 

Many of you might have noticed that I'm very anti "society" or "following the herd" type of a person. 

My wife threw out an idea to let my daughter have a toke when we go to a concert, but we both felt she was still a bit too young (16). And we also obviously don't want her to communicate this to her friends or brothers either.

So I guess the question is, is there EVER a time? 

We both feel that MaryJ is WAY less harmful than Alcohol.....even caffeine/cigs. 

But we also realize the dangers of MaryJ for young adult (memory, brain changes) and let's face it, even though I feel that I'm a responsible adult and a great father, I know plenty of folks that were just ****ty people thanks to weed.

I'm thinking 21 and continue to educate our children. We do a LOT of education when it comes to Alcohol, Pills and hard core drugs (heroin/coke/crack/meth)....and weed as well.

Just wanted to get people's feeling on the subject and general advice.

Thanks in advance


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

This still seems like rather taboo subject it seems. 90 views and no bite.

:scratchhead:


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

I'm not so sure it's taboo anymore. Judging by the other threads here people are firmly on one side or the other on this issue. Some that agree to partake have no issues doing it with their kids. 

I got nothin advice wise, just not my lifestyle. You seem to have a plan of when you feel your child is ready for that. Seems reasonable.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

DoF said:


> This still seems like rather taboo subject it seems. 90 views and no bite.
> 
> :scratchhead:


It's been discussed so much that people may be worn out by this topic. there's plenty of threads that you could go back and read though. 

Personally my H and I have no desire to ingest any substance that gets us "high" so naturally we are going to teach our daughter the same. I think we can make a very good case for steering her away from it, but time will tell.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

committed4ever said:


> It's been discussed so much that people may be worn out by this topic. there's plenty of threads that you could go back and read though.
> 
> Personally my H and I have no desire to ingest any substance that gets us "high" so naturally we are going to teach our daughter the same. I think we can make a very good case for steering her away from it, but time will tell.


I did some searches but couldn't come up with much. Let me check some more.

Do you drink? How do you approach alcohol?

That gets you "high" or drunk too, it's a substance.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

DoF said:


> I did some searches but couldn't come up with much. Let me check some more.
> 
> Do you drink? How do you approach alcohol?
> 
> That gets you "high" or drunk too, it's a substance.


We don't drink. Not even beer or wine. Husband's little niece killed by a drunk driver who got off because she "ran into the street" after a ball. So he and his siblings and parents don't drink at all because of it.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I love the Louis CK title. He's one of my favourites! 

I am pro-legalization/decriminalization for marijuana but anti the concert toke with your teenage kids idea. Four or five years from now when she's an adult, it won't matter if you imbibe with her as she'll be grown but right now it might matter a lot. 

I think there's a difference between letting your teenage kid taste alcohol on a holiday or up at the cottage. My teen-aged nephew is permitted one beer when camping and I think it's fine. 4 oz of wine or one bottle of beer nursed slowly over a few hours isn't going to get him drunk. However with pot, if you don't smoke it regularly, you can get high off of one toke. 

I think one of my mom's stances on things was that if she let us do certain things at home - we wouldn't do it out there on the streets or with friends. Or at least she could supervise us and make sure we were safe... this was a total farce, no matter how well intended. My sister became a drug addict and I went to college because we are who we are.

Although I had sometimes smoked pot with my friends, I lost a tremendous amount of respect for my mom when she smoked it with me as a young teenager. I was still civil, respectful but inside, the esteem I had for her as a mother and the authority figure in my life diminished considerably and it never came back. I faked it well but even years later, that straw that broke that camel's back could never be removed.

One would think it'd be "cool" and even my friends - whom I did tell thought my mom was awesome for letting me smoke pot with her, I felt really sad about it. I wanted her to care enough to tell me that there were rules for kids in our home and where the line was but it appeared that there wasn't one. Instead of feeling accepted, I felt like she didn't give a crap about what I did. 

In typical teenage fashion, I threw temper tantrums, nagged, begged, goaded her into letting my invite my friend over to smoke some pot but no matter how insistent about it or indignant I was - I didn't want her to say yes. That's something that came with immediate hindsight that night when we were all sitting around the table rolling a joint. It's also something that years later, I've never forgotten. I wanted her to stand her ground and say "no" but she didn't. 

I'm not naive as to think that your daughter won't smoke pot anyways. A lot of kids drink and smoke pot outside of the home as part of their teenage rites. I sure did. I am enlightened enough to know through experience that whether you say yes or no to her won't make much of a difference on what she does outside of the home/your supervision. If she wants to smoke pot she is going to find a way to do it. Still, that doesn't mean that you and your wife need to be the ones to offer it up to her.

My advice would be not to include your kids while they are kids/teens in pot-smoking or drinking (I know you said you rarely drink). Treat it like alcohol and that it's for adults. They might gripe, moan, complain or throw fits about it but I think they'll respect you more for it throughout their lives for setting boundaries for them when they're kids. You're a parent - you're not on her level and their needs to be a separation, you can't be her friend.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Miss Taken said:


> I love the Louis CK title. He's one of my favourites!
> 
> I am pro-legalization/decriminalization for marijuana but anti the concert toke with your teenage kids idea. Four or five years from now when she's an adult, it won't matter if you imbibe with her as she'll be grown but right now it might matter a lot.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your post. I think it sounds great and what you wrote is definitely on my "angel"side as well.

It's probably more appropriate to hold off for now. 

Just continue education etc. I also agree what you said about amounts, this is something that I try to nail into my kids heads, what it takes to lose total control of yourself and be in a vulnerable situation.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

I don't smoke but did as a teenager. My 15 year old son, while living with his grandparents became a daily smoker and has gotten in a bit of trouble with the law for various things. So next week he goes back to court to let the judge know that he is going to skip actual sentencing because he volunteered for "Recovery Court" in which he has to drop 3 times a week, attend a weekly court session, and counseling. 

Now, before this happened, I knew he smoked and he had gotten in trouble at the school for smelling like weed. They called the cops out and asked me if I knew he smoked. I said "Yes. But I don't condone, contribute, or allow it in/near my home. I do not give him any cash EVER, if he needs something, I buy it for him. I search his room regularly and he is not allowed to walk into my home intoxicated." The school called CPS on me with the charge of neglect because I "let" my child smoke. When CPS showed up, I just laughed. I looked at the caseworker, told her the same thing and asked what I was supposed to do. The child is a foot taller than me and 15 years old. He doesn't have anything to take away from him... was I supposed to bend him over my knee? Then the charge would be abuse! The caseworker said she agreed with me, as long as I wasn't providing it, the charges were unfounded. Case closed.

I have told him of the dangers, of the loss of developing brain cells. He points out that I smoked weed for the majority of my teenage years and still graduated college with honors. I can't really counter. I know that as soon as his case is closed, he's going to start smoking again. I hope he doesn't, but I'm not holding my breath. I know that today, 4/20, his friends and he partied their a$$es off as a "farewell tribute" to his days. But he sobered up and changed his clothes before coming anywhere near his younger siblings. What's a parent to do? 

So OP, I wouldn't suggest smoking with your underage child, but kudos to you for the open mind!


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

I've got a different perspective on this issue. To your core question, my response would be, don't do it. The law is that they can't smoke-out under 21 anywhere, so why teach them to flout the law? Alcohol is somewhat different, in that there are situations where a kid drinking, such as religious services, and socially with an extended family may make sense. But, you wouldn't want to explain to your mother or aunt that you're doing pot with your kid, would you? Plus, what kid wants to get high with their parents?

Here's my different situation. I have a son, now 18, who has had issues with pot since he was 15. He has been busted for possession of paraphernalia and has used pot to self-medicate for some diagnosed mental health issues. I've been the guy in his face about it, and, to my shame, made his issues worse by nearly kicking him out of the house. We came to an accommodation...he needs to not do it at the house (he doesn't drive), and not flaunt it.

Fast forward to today. We live in Colorado. It's still not legal for him until he's 21, although he's saving to get a medical card ($300+) which would make him legal. I smoked pot in college and wanted to try it again, when it became legal for me here. So, I've tried it and like it. Only on weekend nights, and only when he's not around. 

So....he smokes. He knows it and I know it. Because I've been such a harda$$ about his smoking, I can't be the hypocrite and let him know that I use. So, my 18 year old, for whom it isn't legal, can pretty much smoke all he wants, and I, for whom it's legal, can't do it openly.

Karma is a B...


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I will teach my daughter to follow the law first and foremost. If the stuff ever becomes legal then we'd have a different conversation. Neither my H nor I have ever drank or done drugs. I'm very against the stuff because there is a history of drug/alcohol abuse in my family, too.


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