# Should I continue to wait on the Lord...or am I crazy?



## ohsobless

I got married in 2004, separated in 2006. Stayed in close contact with my husband until 2010. After that we difted a part.
I never dated but he did have a few sexual encounters that he told me about, said he felt guilty, and wanted to tell me about it. Well that was in 2009. Since we separted we are getting a divorce, and I still haven't dated or have been with a man. Now he is getting married next year and as for me...still waiting for the divorce so that I can move on with my life. I am upset with God because since I'm not divorce that I can't date or be with a man (in that way). But my husband has meant someone, moved on with his life and I'm just stuck! I've got to admit this out loud that I'm still in love with my husband, and I was the one to ask for the divorce long before he meant this person. I had my reasons but they were not reasons enough to get a divorce. I know that's not giving you much to go on, but it is too long and drawn out to go into. Let's just say that our step children didn't give us much of a choice! 

My point is that I'm lonely, I can't do anything to change what is happening in his life...only want the best for us both. I'm jealious that I'm stuck being alone until the divorce. To be honest, I don't want a divorce, but things are what they are. I've meant someone and would really like to date him, and maybe SOMEDAY, give myself to him. I've explain to this deacon of a church, how things are in my life. He seems to understand, but thinks that I am taking the issue of dating way out of proportion. So for now I will only see him once and a while as a friend. That's not so bad but it's been over four years since I've been with a man, and it's starting to get on my LAST nerve! It wakes me up at night, thinking of my husband with this woman, and me left hugging my pillow. The two of them making plans for their life together, and I'm making soup for one! I know I shouldn't think about what's going on in his life because I'm only making things up in my mind about the two of them, and I don't really know for sure how things are...besides it's really none of my business. But he has what I want, a realionship!!! God help me!!!! We were best friends long before we married. Now I can only pray for him and HER because my husband and I are not divorced yet...so I pray for their souls. I must admit that I asked several times for this divorce, even made up tha I was interested in someone else and wanted to get on with my life. Even then he didn't want to divorce even after the separation. Why did I lie!!!!

I'd confessed to the Lord my sins, had prayed about getting back together with my husband! But I gave up hope, after finding out that he recently met someone and was getting married after the divorce, (paper work still haven't been done). It took him 5 years of asking me to marry him before I said yes. Three years of not wanting to divorce me even after I had him to leave the house. I guess I got what I was asking. Now I want my husband back but it is too late. I just didn't want our children (step children) to continue to argue about where we all should live...his state or mine. My husband and I moved around to so many places before we got married to suit the children, and it is because of them, I had to make a decision. Anyways, he's back in his small town were it all begain with his childdren. I'm here in this big city with my children. Too much time has lasped between he and I. I use to think that there was nothing to hard for God. But things are the way there are I guess for a reason. I'm just soooo sick of being lonely. Any advice from my faith believing sisters or brothers?


----------



## ohsobless

Is my question that hard is is that no can help me?


----------



## marksaysay

What you can't do is change your husband but what you can do is change you. I don't anything about your spiritual life, whether you are Christian, catholic, etc. What I can say is you have to use your time away from him to develop your relationship with God. A lot of time has passed and things may not look good, but understand that God has not been caught off guard by it. 

You should also be using this time to address the part you played in the breakdown of your marriage. Use this time to grow personally so that you will be a better wife for your current husband or for whomever comes after him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous

I am not a faith believing sister in the sense you may want , but I think I am pretty sound minded & decently moral , though some may argue that point. I think you made a grave grave mistake in lying to your husband about things that were never true...



> I must admit that I asked several times for this divorce, even made up tha I was interested in someone else and wanted to get on with my life. Even then he didn't want to divorce even after the separation. Why did I lie!!!!


WHat you are facing in life *NOW * likely would have never happened had you been honest from the very beginning.

YOu said this ...


> I'd confessed to the Lord my sins, had prayed about getting back together with my husband!


If I was YOU, I would at the very least....go to him and confess what you did here, so he knows the whole truth, as your husband, and not divorced yet, yes, this is very VULNERABLE, maybe even a little RADICAL but ...you have remorse for doing it. 

Some would say...go say a prayer (like you have), give a confession*. I am for the confessions being to the one we wronged and misled more so*. It doesn't mean in any way he is going to come back to you, and ditch this new woman but at the very least he will KNOW the truth to why it all fell apart, the missing peices.... it could make all the difference in this world !! Do you really know, do you not want to set the record straight ? That would be crying out within me -IF I was walking in your shoes. 

....WHat if he would rather have YOU over this woman, what if he has always wanted YOU but has given up because YOU pusehd him away. Oh how sad it would be !!! I think we all owe each other that much when we are married- the TRUTH, raw, real, vulnerable, all of it - If we divorce, we should have NO unanswered questions about the why's. 

I can understand your longing to be held at night , and pain over being alone. Not sure what to tell you there, your beliefs forbid any kind of lustful thinking, touching outside of marraige so it is what it is.... and that is VERY LONELY indeed. 

If it were me, I would choose happiness over ridgid beliefs. I would not allow myself to be entangled with a man who was using me of coarse, but to be alone with a man who I am interested in, who may someday become my future husband, I would in no way hinder that -if I was in your shoes. But of coarse there is going to be an awful lot of temptation there , so set your boundaries FIRM and walk in them. You will have to pray for much strength there of coarse.


----------



## cb45

I agree with SA on this pt of being upfront & honest about what u did/lied about that may have led to his finding another girl. cant hurt to try as both a
last ditch effort to "win" him back (tho' u may be too prideful
for that...hmmm), OR...just to set the record straight and 
maybe him too(?).

i feel sorry for u tho' as i know how loneliness feels and how
bad it can mess up yer thinking/decision making process both
now & in the future. u best get right/tight with Jesus honey
or else u gonna make a mess of yer life, and someone elses
too if u LET loneliness RULE yer decisions. easier said
than done, i know child, i know.

TO me, our love for Jesus is all thats going to save us from 
alot of heartaches in this life (but not ALL heartaches).

Pray for Jesus' strength to manifest itself in yer life ASAP.
dont wait!

shalom yeladeem.


----------



## metta

ohsobless,

I agree with the above reponses. If you believe you did something wrong in the past, probably the next step for you would be to do what you can to put it right. Otherwise, it may haunt you for a long time and undermine your happiness from inside.
You may not get your husband back. And based on the amount of time that lapsed and the fact that your husband found someone else, it would probably be unreasonable to hope to get it back.

But at least you can do your best to let your husband knows about what really happened. This will bring you some peace of mind, and will allow him to have a better understanding of what happened...

Kind regards


----------



## allisterfiend

your crazy. if there is a god, and Im pretty sure there is not he most definately does not care. otherwise you would have heard from him a long time ago.


----------



## freshstart

This is tough but I agree with the others who said you should atleast try and confess to your husband that you did not tell the truth. Also, you said you are lonely (an trust me I can relate, I am in a marriage and have been lonely for some time now) but you said just because your divorce is not finalized, you have to wait for another man...on the flipside, either way when you find a new man you would still be considered an adulterer an make him an adulterer (either way) unless you get back with your husband (which I will pray that happens) so maybe you should try to find a companion (not necessarily physical) but someone who you can confide in and who can comfort you in your time of trouble. I am sorry you are going through this. This is exactly why I fear a asking for a separation/divorce but I am miserable in it and I will probably be miserable out of it...so I try to patiently wait...but best of luck to you.


----------

