# Please help me understand this man (if possible I'd like to hear from men on this)



## kansaslove (Feb 27, 2014)

I'm pretty new here and I won't beat around the bush. 

Met a guy online almost four weeks ago. Things were slow in the beginning, then came Valentines day, he surprised me at my work place with a dozen red roses and a dinner date. The dinner date was followed by a sleepover at his place.

Then during the work week, we won't see each other. Last weekend came and things were great. Monday he sent a very thoughtful message. That was the last message. So, I did not text him Tuesday. Then I asked him today via text if how he is doing and if I can invite him on a date this weekend. I'd like to take him somewhere I know he'd like and said NO and did not text or say anything other than flat NO. What is that all about? I don't get it. 

I am frustrated because I am truly starting to like him and now I am not sure where he stands at the moment.

Any thoughts from guys would be appreciated. I felt like men can shed more light on this. 

Thank you.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Did the sleepover include sex? If so, was it earth shattering? Good? Mediocre? Believe it or not, the answer to that question is important.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

How long has it been since he sent the txt of just "No"? If he's blowing you off he may have moved on. If he likes you he would talk more and date more. 

It maybe that he is honestly busy but it sounds like you got played for booty.


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## kansaslove (Feb 27, 2014)

Yes, there was. So was last weekend and I know he was very pleased. I don't think it has to do with sex at all. I just want to get the feel of whether you think what we started has just ended or is there any potential at all on this. As I said, I am really starting to like very well.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

kansaslove said:


> Yes, there was. So was last weekend and I know he was very pleased. I don't think it has to do with sex at all. I just want to get the feel of whether you think what we started has just ended or is there any potential at all on this. As I said, I am really starting to like very well.


I don't think it was about sex either. I know I have blown off a few women because I didn't like them as girlfriends but I was ok with just having sex. If he liked you he still be acting interested especially if sex was involved. Don't take it personally just move on, keep dating.
Is this the first time you screwed someone and didn't get a boyfriend out of it? Sorry if it is but it is common. Keep dating you'll meet someone special eventually.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

Maybe try keeping your pants until you know he likes you. The internet will give you a false since of security. It's not real until you've dated them, talked to them face to face. He's probably working as many women as he can. Just sayin. I could be wrong.


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## kansaslove (Feb 27, 2014)

Thank you. It is just weird that in a span of one week, he would just do a 180. I thought after the flowers, the gifts, the meeting of friends, there was something. I guess I should've not given any meaning to those gestures. Been a while since someone has shown me those gestures.




Gonnabealright said:


> Maybe try keeping your pants until you know he likes you. The internet will give you a false since of security. It's not real until you've dated them, talked to them face to face. He's probably working as many women as he can. Just sayin. I could be wrong.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

kansaslove said:


> Thank you. It is just weird that in a span of one week, he would just do a 180. I thought after the flowers, the gifts, the meeting of friends, there was something. I guess I should've not given any meaning to those gestures. Been a while since someone has shown me those gestures.


Hmm, sounds like you did everything right really. Sorry it didn't work. I wouldn't call him. Play hard to get. If he does and don't sleep with him again. He has shown his cards. You've seen him for what he is now. You know what your getting into. It should fun, romantic and you shouln't be coming here to ask about it. Your gut never lies.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

kansaslove said:


> I'm pretty new here and I won't beat around the bush.
> 
> Met a guy online almost four weeks ago. Things were slow in the beginning, then came Valentines day, he surprised me at my work place with a dozen red roses and a dinner date. The dinner date was followed by a sleepover at his place.
> 
> ...


You met him online. And he sees you on weekends, when convenient. Have you considered whether or not he's got a wife or a girlfriend? It's possible that that significant other intercepted your text...and promptly put an end to it...with a big fat NO.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

it sounds weird, it certainly does not sound like your regular player, if he introduced you friends and other close to him and still contacted you after the sex escapade with a message it sounds like he was kind of involved until that moment, I wonder if you did something that could have pissed him off, something like posting something in face book with a male friend, or some kind of response that could have make him rethink his involvement with you


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## kansaslove (Feb 27, 2014)

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate all your thoughts on the situation.

John1068, I don't think there is a wife. He is divorced with two kids. Maybe, a gf. How would I know.

Manticore, I have no facebook and from my recollection all I said via text and I hope he'll have a nice day at work and that was followed by a date invitation from my end.

Well, perhaps, it is time to move on...I still believe that the one for me is somewhere out there.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

kansaslove said:


> Well, perhaps, it is time to move on...I still believe that the one for me is somewhere out there.


This dance we do with the opposite sex can be quite perplexing and frustrating. Patience is critical. Go with the flow - as easy as that is to say, I know it's harder to put into practice. 

Conceive of the idea that you can get by without a man, and then it'll be easier to not be so disappointed when one doesn't work out. Your man IS out there, it can take some time to find him...


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

I believe in being direct with stuff like this, so in your shoes I'd call (don't text) him. If he blows you off or doesn't return your call, you have your answer.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

kansaslove said:


> I'm pretty new here and I won't beat around the bush.
> 
> Met a guy online almost four weeks ago. Things were slow in the beginning, then came Valentines day, he surprised me at my work place with a dozen red roses and a dinner date. The dinner date was followed by a sleepover at his place.
> 
> ...


It's possible that he was just really busy but wanted to get back to you right away? Regardless, the ball is in his court now, so if he wants to see you, he'll contact you, and if he doesn't, on to the next one.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Gonnabealright said:


> Hmm, sounds like you did everything right really. Sorry it didn't work. I wouldn't call him. Play hard to get. If he does and don't sleep with him again. He has shown his cards. You've seen him for what he is now. You know what your getting into. It should fun, romantic and you shouln't be coming here to ask about it. Your gut never lies.


:iagree:


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## Applejuice (Feb 21, 2014)

I feel for you kansas, if you're anything like me, you're probably more concerned about the inexplicable stone wall than the possible loss of a burgeoning romance.

If I were you, I'd forget seeking closure, he clearly doesn't warrant it. Irrespective of his motives, I can't see any reasonable justification for such a blunt response. If he'd been exceptionally busy, he could simply have waited 'til a more convenient opportunity in which to reply or he could have texted 'crazy busy - call soon'.

Meh, keep your chin up Kansas ((hugs))!


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Seems like a lot of work just to get you in bed. I think it's about something else too. I like the advice to move on though. Clearly you're not going to have trouble dating.


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