# Help, no longer attracted to my husband



## Anonymous1977 (May 31, 2013)

We have been married for 7 years and I am no longer attracted to my husband in the least, he isnt overwieght or ugly , he is very handsome and a great father to our three year old, he is also a fantastic husband, and really goes out of his way to show me he loves me, wich is why this is so so so hard.
Over the years our sex life has slowed to a crawl, mainly my fault, because my sex drive is gone.....(with him) I find myself wanting to stray more and more. ( I dont) but it's very very hard.

He keeps telling me that i am cold to him and I dont touch him enough, and I probably dont, but when I do he says it seems forced wich it does. and I know it, when we do have sex it's just to make him feel better, but the whole time I cringe when he touches me. Even when he grabs my butt or says somethign sexual i just dont want it. if we could live togethor without having to sleep with eachother it would be perfect but One, thats not healthy and two I LOVE SEX, wich is why this makes it even weirder, I knwo I just keep hurting him and he keeps asking if there is someone else but there isnt, I just dont want to be romantic anymore with him, help, Im so tired of breaking this poor guys heart. I do love him but I lost THAT romantic love years ago.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

You posted this in the wrong pro marriage forum if you're not a troll. Would you be more attracted to him if he was a inconsiderate womanizer who tied you up in bed and acted like he owned you? That is the $64k question.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So what do you want? Why do you think you're no longer attracted to him? Were you at one point?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Oh...you're wanting to stray but you're not attracted to your husband but your sex drive is low?

Are you asking us to tell you what we think?


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## Anonymous1977 (May 31, 2013)

Enginerd, uh no.
PBear, I want to divorce but i just keep hoping we can work it out, yes I used to be attraced to him sexually, but I was always more attracted to his personality than his looks.


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## Anonymous1977 (May 31, 2013)

my sex drive with my HUSBAND is low, not in general


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Anonymous1977 said:


> my sex drive with my HUSBAND is low, not in general


That's kinda my point.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And so what are you doing to "work it out"? It's not going to magically fix itself. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Okay, I'll bite. You are married to a handsome man who is a great father and shows you he loves you, but he doesn't turn you on sexually at all. However, you love sex. You just don't want to have sex with him.

Perhaps you are someone who enjoys a partner when they're "new" because you get a high from the romance. After seven years of marriage, the newness and passion has worn off for you.

Marriage is hard work. It sounds like you don't know how, or have any burning desire, to invest hard work into bringing the spark back into your marriage.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

In other words...when it comes to your husband your sex drive is low. But...ohhhhh...the Land of Unicorns and Rainbows looks so pleasant this time of year, and if there was just someone else that you could pleasure and be pleasured by, things would be just grand(iose).

Divorce your husband - poof. You are now free to roam about Never-Never Land.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

He's too good of a man and it's dampened your sexual desire for him.

I'd suggest counselling, you have no good reason to break up a marriage. What might have to change is the way you look at the picture. Your still operating from your old single person mindset.

What if all the things that your husband does for you can raise your desire and attractiveness for him. It can. It just matters how you look at it.

Also part of curing your problem is having sex... If you know he's handsome and your brain is telling you that it's not attractive, and he loves you - love him. The action of it, not "feeling hot" for someone...


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You got the next guy picked out yet?


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## Malcolm38 (Dec 25, 2012)

The best thing you can do for him would be to either put the work in to fix your issues or to let him find someone who will appreciate him.


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## NikkiNikki (Jun 1, 2013)

This is what I don't like. The op doesn't need any negativity. Maybe a positive critism but not mean. 
I feel the same way as anonymous1977. I did leave my husband. We were apart almost 2 yrs. I went on many first dates,,very few 2nd dates. Lol,they all seemed worse or were scared off by the number of children I have . The dating scene has changed so much in 12 yrs. men expected sex first date. Text u instead of calling, anyway,, whole other topic.
I took him back,for,god and for the kids. 
But I too am not attracted to him. I hate when he touches me. I dread sex. I loathe tongue kissing. i feel bad, after 4 kids, he is still very attracted to me.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

OP:

There's a difference between not feeling a strong attraction to someone and "cringing" when you have sex with them. You say your husband is good looking and an excellent father and husband. While I can understand that without a certain sexual chemistry you could find sex with him boring, how exactly does it make you "cringe?"

Take a close look at yourself and be ready to be brutally honest. I suspect that you're in the throws of the seven year itch. You're bored with the life of wife and mother, you see all sorts of images in popular media of just how hot and exciting life is (total BS, BTW) and you resent your husband for the lack of excitement in your life. 

People now seem to feel so entitled to immediate gratification and don't think that they should ever compromise or settle for anything less than whatever silly image they see in a movie or TV show. How about trying some MC to see if you can find a way to get the spark back. It won't be the same as it was early on, but it can be much more satisfying. Life wears us all down, small children even moreso. Now is the time to put more effort into your marriage, not less. 

Or, just throw away what sounds like a great man because you have to feel the intense heat of a new man right now. Up to you. If you choose this path, at least divorce first. Don't put your husband through the pain of infidelity first.


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## SweetDee47 (Jun 1, 2013)

I feel ya...I just posted a similiar post as well....he sounds like a good guy and treats you well...I would think long and hard before walking away....good guys are rare so I'd try real hard to work things out....and I disagree with other posts saying that you don't sound like you want to work things out....obviously that isn't true or you wouldn't have asked for help on here....


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Anonymous1977 said:


> We have been married for 7 years and I am no longer attracted to my husband in the least, he isnt overwieght or ugly , he is very handsome and a great father to our three year old, he is also a fantastic husband, and really goes out of his way to show me he loves me, wich is why this is so so so hard.
> Over the years our sex life has slowed to a crawl, mainly my fault, because my sex drive is gone.....(with him) I find myself wanting to stray more and more. ( I dont) but it's very very hard.
> 
> He keeps telling me that i am cold to him and I dont touch him enough, and I probably dont, but when I do he says it seems forced wich it does. and I know it, when we do have sex it's just to make him feel better, but the whole time I cringe when he touches me. Even when he grabs my butt or says somethign sexual i just dont want it. if we could live togethor without having to sleep with eachother it would be perfect but One, thats not healthy and two I LOVE SEX, wich is why this makes it even weirder, I knwo I just keep hurting him and he keeps asking if there is someone else but there isnt, I just dont want to be romantic anymore with him, help, Im so tired of breaking this poor guys heart. I do love him but I lost THAT romantic love years ago.


This is a fairly common experience in the female population. It's called "the Seven Year Itch." Basically, your husband doesn't have enough sexual alpha to keep your attention. He's lacking in the arschloch department and doesn't flirt with other women in your face (as he should). If you want to stay together, which you should for the sake of your daughter, you need to help him learn how you wish to be treated. Share this link with your husband.

Yes, there is hope.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Machiavelli,

Switching up into this mindset and way of life will ensure the woman/women in your life stay attracted to you? It seems like it's not as "good" treatment, so would you really do some of these techniques on someone you love?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Anonymous1977 said:


> We have been married for 7 years and I am no longer attracted to my husband in the least, he isnt overwieght or ugly , he is very handsome and a great father to our three year old, he is also a fantastic husband, and really goes out of his way to show me he loves me, wich is why this is so so so hard.
> Over the years our sex life has slowed to a crawl, mainly my fault, because my sex drive is gone.....(with him) I find myself wanting to stray more and more. ( I dont) but it's very very hard.
> 
> He keeps telling me that i am cold to him and I dont touch him enough, and I probably dont, but when I do he says it seems forced wich it does. and I know it, when we do have sex it's just to make him feel better, but the whole time I cringe when he touches me. Even when he grabs my butt or says somethign sexual i just dont want it. if we could live togethor without having to sleep with eachother it would be perfect but One, thats not healthy and two I LOVE SEX, wich is why this makes it even weirder, I knwo I just keep hurting him and he keeps asking if there is someone else but there isnt, I just dont want to be romantic anymore with him, help, Im so tired of breaking this poor guys heart. I do love him but I lost THAT romantic love years ago.


OP, 
I will assume that you want to fix the problem,hence your plea for help.
You emotions seems a bit mixed up and confused.

I believe that this problem can can be fixed , but you must first be willing to work on yourself and your marriage.
There may be other issues contributing to your confusion / lack of attraction to your husband , and a professional marriage counsellor should be able to help.

Take care.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

OP do your husband a favor and divorce him. You are not built for marriage. Let him find another wife that doesn't get bored so quickly when things lose the "new car smell".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

Does your husband know that you don't have any sexual feelings towards him? 

How are you trying to work things out? 

If you've got the idea of "straying" in your head, then most likely it will end up happening I'm afraid. 

I really think you should divorce your husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Send your husband over here. Your desire for him can be reignited. We will re-Alpha'ize him, and along with his handsomeness you will recognize him to be a very desireable sexual partner in any of his environments....


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

NikkiNikki said:


> This is what I don't like. These op doesn't need any negativity. Maybe a positive critism but not mean.
> I feel the same way as anonymous1977 many first dates,,very few 2nd dates. Lol,they all seemed worse or were scared off by the number of children I have . The dating scene has changed so much in 12 yrs. men expected sex first date. Text u instead of calling, anyway,, whole other topic.
> I took him back,for,god and for the kids.
> But I too am not attracted to him. I hate when he touches me. I dread sex. I loathe tongue kissing. i feel bad, after 4 kids, he is still very attracted to me.


I am so afraid of meeting people like you and "Anonymous1977" as I am dating again. What a poor attitude you and her have about marriage. I apologize if I offend you but u said you are the same way as Anonymous1977. 

Anonymous1977 has great husband and a great family but oh she's thinking about breaking the man's heart and ripping apart a family all because she wants. Marriage should be respected. When you married this man, you took on responsibility to love and care for just the same as you chose to bring kids into the world. You should love him the same as you love your kids. If you wouldnt leave your kids, you shouldn't leave your husband.

You are responsible for the way you feel now. If you lack the passion and desire - then get it back. Put in work for crying out loud with marriage counseling and self counseling. Be a good example to your children - not a failure.

Don't go down the same route as NikkiNikki - you see the dating issues that she have.

While i am dating and I meet someone like NikkiNikki or someone who has walked out on a marriage only because they didn't feel it anymore - I will run dar away from that person. That person is a failure to me because they gave up without trying. I know it would happen to me. I wouldn't want any part of it.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

treyvion said:


> Send your husband over here. Your desire for him can be reignited. We will re-Alpha'ize him, and along with his handsomeness you will recognize him to be a very desireable sexual partner in any of his environments....


How about you alphatize her and make her more desirable as well lol. Sounds like people want superhumans these days.

She may not be marriage material - but she can be if she decides to learn and put in work


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

NikkiNikki said:


> This is what I don't like. The op doesn't need any negativity. Maybe a positive critism but not mean.
> I feel the same way as anonymous1977. I did leave my husband. We were apart almost 2 yrs. I went on many first dates,,very few 2nd dates. Lol,they all seemed worse or were scared off by the number of children I have . The dating scene has changed so much in 12 yrs. men expected sex first date. Text u instead of calling, anyway,, whole other topic.
> I took him back,for god and for the kids.
> But I too am not attracted to him. I hate when he touches me. I dread sex. I loathe tongue kissing. i feel bad, after 4 kids, he is still very attracted to me.


Wow.

Just....wow.


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## NikkiNikki (Jun 1, 2013)

The topic is about not being attracted to husband anymore. I did not give the reason I left him. He was mistreating me and allowing his children, my step children, who I had 24/7 for 8 years to not listen to me, and lie about me to his family to the point where his family stopped talking to me. I had 4 children for him and he never really helped witht them, in essence , I was taking care of all 6 kids by myself. That is why I left him. I took him back after 18 months. He started helping out more, giving me, me time and other stuff. His daughters apologized to me after their real mom rejected them. But the damage is done. The attraction to him is gone, the love is gone. I care for him. I'm just here for the kids, and God. I have not cheated and don't think about it. But I am no longer attracted to him. He says I treat him more like my brother than my husband.


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