# The true psycho comes out



## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

It is six days until my final divorce. My stbxh has still been trying to get me back as of yesterday. Like I have said in previous posts, when nice doesn't work, he gets very mean. He proceeded to send horrible texts to me last night one after the other. Here they are...

8:19 I hate you and your fat ass daughter/son and the so called super star. I HATE U!!!!!!

8:19 Don't ever text me again you fake ass Christian.

8:23 I'm tell u it all

8:23 Hey Answer the phone

8:24 U want the truth call me

8:25 Truth is I fu#ked them all while we was married!!!! Still am!!

8:26 I was fuc#ing someone the night you left.

8:27 Hows that for the truth.

8:29 Ive never been faithful to you. U was just a piece of a## that I started falling for. Then low and behold I stop doing what I was doing. Due to I started falling in love with you. Wish I never met you.

8:30 Hows that for truth. I never messed with Liz. She was and is my friend.

8:31 Hello. Nothing to say.

8:32 U deserve all that has happened. Ur a mean and ruthless person Maybe one day someone will be your pet.

8:34 Now u know. That night we got back from Houston I was with her after u left, never was a flat. I was having hot a$$ sex. She is lots better than u can ever be.

8:36 I don't care for u no more. I truly meant that I love you live Ive been telling you. I stopped doing all the crap. Its why I asked for time to get myself help. It don't matter no more.

8:47 BTW Im going to go out with that young girl now. Oh yes I went out with Kortnee several times, dam^ that girl can kiss.

8:48 U want truth. there you go.

8:48 I did tell the truth abt Peggy today.

8:48 But man susan was something, Man a handful

8:50 BTW that was tracys suv. Yup did run her off for good. Like I said. Two words did it.

8:51 Last time she was here. U was right next to her at a red light. I was on phone with her.

8:51We laughed cause u didn't even notice.

8:52 Have a good life now. Ur right I was a bad husband.

8:56 Text me

8:56 Lay it out

9:07 Come on. Im waiting

9:31 Rumor has it woody caused the team to lose the last game. Prob did. He aint Sh!t.

9:33 Kyle was doing nothing woody wasn't at his age. Guess u taught him to cheat.

9:34 Its called sowing oats at that age.

At this point I changed my phone number. I forwarded some of the messages to my pastor who is supposed to be counseling him. He said that he had already caught him in several lies and that his whole persona changed when he did. Like he became a different person. He said he thinks he is either bipolar or schizophrenic and way beyond pastoral care. My pastor said he was also the chaplain for the PD here and that if my ex contacts me one time after the divorce, he will testify that he is dangerous and has been harassing me. 

This angers me and is so hurtful a the same time. I am physically ill.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

He's totally melting down.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Yes, he is and it is very scary.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

This is very much the sane way my ex h treated me. I was very young when I married him and young when I left. We did have a child together. 19 years have passed and his behavior is worse by a tenfold. He hasn't had contact with our child in years. 

Your doing a great thing to yourself by getting up and leaving. No one needs to he treated in this way ever. You know he'll never get better, so the best thing to do is forget about him. It's a good thing you changed your number. 

My ex h stalked me for a good year after I left. He also committed identity theft, so make sure you always have your drivers license and SS on hand. Also, I'd change banks too, if he's the type to get revenge.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I changed banks when I left. I'm supposed to have my court documents when I leave divorce court that day. I am planning on going straight to the social security office and Driver's license place and getting my name changed immediately. I want to be associated with him in no way anymore.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Yes, the court will notarize your documents. He will get a copy too. I didn't want my ex h in court. He had one of his gf's move in 3 days after I left, but he was going to contest against me in court saying he didn't want the divorce. I had to change the date 3 times due to him calling and finding out the date. Luckily I got in on a cancellation. Otherwise that darn divorce would of carried on longer and I would of had to fork out more money. I was the only one with a lawyer too, so it didn't cost him a dime.

There are so much better men out there. I met a really decent man that has the most respect for me.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I left because I knew he was cheating. So, a lot of this I already knew or suspected. Half of it I don't believe. In any case, it is very very upsetting. He is such a sick man. I am so ready for this to be over.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I'm in love...

Mu stbxh doesn't have a lawyer either. It so sucks that I have had to pay for this divorce when I'm not the one who CHEATED. He will be there on the day of court. My daddy is going with me. I am real nervous about it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Satya said:


> Reading those makes my heart ache for you. What a w4nker. It's shocking how low and inhuman people can be.


Emotions are primitive


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Wow what a lunatic. I am so sorry you had to endure this but so happy you are getting away from him.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Sounds like a keeper. Can't imagine why your divorcing him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

All of a sudden me breaking down, crying and pleading for my wife not to leave me is looking much better in my eyes. lol. Never did anything like this.

This guy sounds unhinged. Obviously can't handle his emotions and lashes out to hurt you as much as possible. I wouldn't be surprised that while some of what he says is probably true in some form, most of it is lies.


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## covenant (Feb 20, 2013)

oh my gosh! this is so terrible! I feel so bad for you!! I came on this site because my husband of almost 10 years thinks im cheating and I don't know what to do. I'M NOT. Good luck to you. you sound like a really nice girl and there is someone out there who really deserves you! God Bless!!!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Betrayedwife said:


> I'm in love...
> 
> Mu stbxh doesn't have a lawyer either. It so sucks that I have had to pay for this divorce when I'm not the one who CHEATED. He will be there on the day of court. My daddy is going with me. I am real nervous about it.


Good luck! I went with my lawyer only. The only family member available was my mother and she was watching the baby. 

I was only nervous that my ex h would be there since he was out to get revenge. I have no idea how many women he had slept with, but they were coming out of the woodwork telling me they had been with him. I wasn't upset at all, just happy to be out of such a crappy marriage. I was worn down by the abuse too. 

It sounds like your getting out fairly early in the marriage like I did. I learned a very good lesson from that whole ordeal and what to look for in future relationships. My ex got away with well over $10,000 in my name. Some of it was identity theft and other fraud towards me. Plus he barely paid $200 monthly in child support. I'm so glad that chapter is long passed. It's been 19 years since my divorce. My credit has been restored for some time now.

You'll be so relieved once this is done. Hopefully your ex h will leave you alone soon. He's very insecure with mental instability. My ex h has diagnosed bipolar and narcissism.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Well my stbxh SHOULD be diagnosed with something. I swear I never did anything but support him and be a good wife. I let him run all over me...and for what? Even though I know that some of what he says in the texts isn't true, much of it is. They are things I've always known but couldn't prove. I mean, afterall, the reason I left is because I knew of three women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

How often do you respond to his texts?

Please forgive me if I'm wrong but it appears that texts were sent in both directions until very recently.

That's on you as much as it's on him.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Yes we did communicate some before this. Even so, there was absolutely NO reason for these texts. He just hasn't been successful in getting me to come back to him so he got real mean. I beg your pardon, but just because I communicated with him, does not mean that this is on me. I didn't deserve these texts. Really? How can you say that? Maybe I shouldn't have been talking to him at all. But I sure as heck didn't deserve this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> Yes we did communicate some before this. Even so, there was absolutely NO reason for these texts. He just hasn't been successful in getting me to come back to him so he got real mean. I beg your pardon, but just because I communicated with him, does not mean that this is on me. I didn't deserve these texts. Really? How can you say that? Maybe I shouldn't have been talking to him at all. But I sure as heck didn't deserve this


There's no reason to be communicating with him on a personal nature if you're headed for divorce. As tensions heat up due to the stresses of impending divorce and significant life changes, this sort of meltdown is almost inevitable and largely preventable by moving on with your life and not maintaining the dysfunctional contact.

You are partially to blame for the retribution you are receiving by perpetuating the contact. Yes you should have cut him off a long time ago.

Better late than never.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I realize I should have cut of contact completely a long time ago. Not that I didn't try. I even blocked his number.did u know that if you send a picture by text message then it still goes through because its multimedia and not simple text? In any case, I realize I set myself up for this but I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve for him to cheat in the first place. Ill be [email protected] if I am going to take responsibility for his cheating or hateful messages.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Well all communication is cut off now. My number is changed. I have no intentions of speaking to him before or after divorce court. He is dead to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Good move betrayed. I'm sorry you are dealing with this and I wish you strength.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I for one think his rant is hilarious...lmfao! Yes it humors me...I laughed out loud and continue to do so...:rofl:

He's grasping at straws...pissed off...egged on or not ...so what...
he hates his life and it's showing...HA! His fked up ways of life has just come full circle and he has realized he has lost his wife and his family because he couldn't keep his lil weenie in his pants...what a loser...his being a head case is showing...he's going nutz and I for one think its funny! 

Funny at the stings and names and the cheating...no...of course not do not misconstrue (and I don't think you are rather I'm sure your getting my point

At a few points in your other threads you himmed and hawed about wondering if you were doing the right thing...making the right choices..because he wanted to get back with you etc etc...and putting the pressure on etc...it was just a few days ago I think at that right? 

My point is...this to me would just bring some big time clarity to me...the guy is a nut. A lying cheating nut. There is no question you pursuing a divorce and getting away from is is indeed theee right choice here... 

Dude needs a strait jacket... and a couple shots of Haldol. He is realizing he will be alone...he can dip his weenie all he wants but he will never ever have a fulfilling life because he is not capable! 

He's driving himself crazy...and I for one think it's funny..he's actually miserable...awesome. And in lashing out trying to hurt you...you simply chose to not let it...you got to be numb by now...you've already decided to leave...so...do what you have to to move on and heal yes...but realize...he is one messed up mo' fo'...

again...he's cracking up...bravo!


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Yanno Stella I am numb. The last text I sent to him, which Im sure sent him off into this rant was, "you are dead to me". I didn't respond after that. It took me a little bit to get home and change my number, so that is why he had the opportunity to send so many texts. 

The statement, "you are dead to me", is exactly how I feel. Yes, it upset me to see those texts. It upset and angered me, but more than anything it strengthened my resolve. To hear my pastor (who is a licensed therapist) tell me that he has caught him in several lies and that his whole persona changed when he confronted him was confirmation. To hear the pastor say that he has some major mental illness was confirmation. Mike can be so manipulative and convincing. To have him say these things to me and to hear what my pastor said to me was actually just what I needed.

My lawyer called me this afternoon. Mike was calling him for a copy of the paperwork, which he already has. I don't know what he is up to but I hope he doesn't try any BS to delay this divorce. I told my lawyer that I had about 30 texts where Mike admitted to having multiple affairs during out marriage and separation. My lawyer said that was a very bad move on Mikes part. How stupid can he be?

I'm glad he is losing it. Now, maybe he has a small glimpse of what my life has been like with all the lying and cheating. He is the one who deserves everything he gets. F#ck him.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> Yanno Stella I am numb. The last text I sent to him, which Im sure sent him off into this rant was, "you are dead to me".


Unecessary and instigatory.

You're as much to blame for this back and forth drama as he is.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

totamm said:


> Unecessary and instigatory.
> 
> You're as much to blame for this back and forth drama as he is.


Oh big f'n deal..she responded...she reacted...you've never done that before? Paleese! 

She didn't say she wasn't responsible. She said she had enough...everyone and I mean EVERYONE has to partake in their 'whatever' to come to some realizations. 


The guy is a dirt bag ..a psycho one at that...if she felt like getting a dig or two in at him...so be it...she will be done when she is dam good and ready...just like you...me...and anyone else...

And since she changed her number...


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## Ametista (Feb 7, 2013)

I hope you take a photo of your phone with those texts on it (unless there is some other way to save them, I don't know of any but I have never really tried).

The fact that he is sending you evidence of how messed up he is worries me. He has to know that he is just handing you proof that he is wacked?????

You poor thing, I am so happy for you that he will be in your rear view mirror soon.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

True, I never should have talked to him past the 13th of November when I left. It was hard not to at times. I did block him, but he managed to get through anyway. The reason that it was hard is because I left a man that I loved. I had to walk away from my life. That was hard. He had me so screwed up in the head that I was suicidal. So...I didn't break complete contact. I couldn't. I wasn't ready. I wasn't strong enough. I didn't banter back and forth. I just made that comment to him because of some of the stuff he started saying. The comment I made was just how I felt. He was finally nothing to me any more. 

Through all the manipulation. Through all the lies. I can move on. It has taken me three months, but I am finally there. Yes, the divorce is around the corner, but I am finally strong enough to say ENOUGH. 

No, I should have never talked to him all these months, but I did on and off. I wasn't ready to let go. Maybe some people understand this, and some people don't, but it is where I have been mentally. I am much stronger now.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> No, I should have never talked to him all these months, but I did on and off. I wasn't ready to let go. Maybe some people understand this, and some people don't, but it is where I have been mentally. I am much stronger now.


I understand. I really do. 

I'm simply pointing out that you're not acting in your own best interests by continuing to engage him and placing all the blame on your psycho ex when you say and do things that continue to trigger him which results in further backlash. 

You're only hurting yourself and perpetuating the grief and anguish, which of course is doing you no good whatsoever. 

It appears that you've grown stronger and hopefully this time it really will be the end of the back and forth, because every time you relapse it just sets you back in your healing. 

And if you ever do need to file harassment charges as you mentioned in an earlier post, you are weakening your own case by continuing to respond to him. The first thing his defense attorney will ask him is whether or not the communication is all one way.

Think about that the next time you are about to impulsively react to one of his texts.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Betrayedwife said:


> It is six days until my final divorce. My stbxh has still been trying to get me back as of yesterday. Like I have said in previous posts, when nice doesn't work, he gets very mean. He proceeded to send horrible texts to me last night one after the other. Here they are...
> 
> 8:19 I hate you and your fat ass daughter/son and the so called super star. I HATE U!!!!!!
> 
> ...


What an *******!!!! He is angry because he has no control over you anymore and he cannot handle it. You did the right thing filing and changing your number. I know it hurts but this man sounds unstable and like a grammatically incorrect moron! You deserve happiness, not someone who hurts you because he's not getting his way. Btw he absolutely makes no sense. He says "I don't care about you, but I have always loved you"? He needs to quit contradicting himself. He sounds like a complete jackass!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

This is what happened today...my stbxh saw my 20 year old son this morning at a gas station and shot him the finger. Him and my son got into it but nothing happened physically. Thank goodness.

No, in case you are wondering, I have not had any contact with him. I am soooo done and counting down the days until I can change my name.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Tell your son not to engage also. No one should be. 
Nothing is worth it. Nothing.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

You can't win an argument with him anyway. There is no point. Him shooting my son the finger just shows immaturity. I tell my kids not to talk to him or give him the time of day. Mostly to protect them. My son is 20 though and has his own mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> You can't win an argument with him anyway. There is no point. Him shooting my son the finger just shows immaturity. I tell my kids not to talk to him or give him the time of day. Mostly to protect them. *My son is 20 though and has his own mind.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Very true, regardless of what you say he will make his own decisions ... your ex might end up not liking it.

When I was 21 my mother and brother came back from a family get together very upset. This was shortly after my father passed away. Apparently an Uncle of mine (married into the family) started running his mouth off on my brother.

I called that "Uncle" and set him pretty straight, he didn't talk to any of my family for years afterwards but that's what happens when you overstep your place. We now play nice at family gatherings, mostly for the grandchildren and younger kids. No reason they need to see that tension.

Your ex will burn his bridges all on his own, you won't have to lift a finger or say a thing.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I am pretty sure he already has burned his bridges. My family has taken their share of verbal abuse from him, and they have watched what he did to me. My daughter was there last summer when I couldn't get out of bed because my sadness was overtaking me. My parents knew that he was isolating us. 

They have all had enough. Even his own daughter doesn't want anything to do with him. Her last text to me was that he was sick and needed help. All I do know is that I have five more days....


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> You can't win an argument with him anyway. There is no point. Him shooting my son the finger just shows immaturity. I tell my kids not to talk to him or give him the time of day. Mostly to protect them. My son is 20 though and has his own mind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yea..mine is 21. I hear ya...


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

course my daughter is 27...she thinks she has the world by the ballz...lol


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

All I know, is that if a man did to my mom what he has done to me I would be very, very angry...back when I was 20, no one could have controlled what I would have done with that anger. I just don't want my kids in trouble because of him. That would be the last thing I want to see happen. They are precious to me and I just think he is trying to get to me through them.

Manipulation didn't work. Cruelty didn't work...let's go after the children....sick.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Sorry your going through all this, you deserve better in life and the truth is a lot of people do here.After reading through all this seems to validate that much more why getting out of this relationship is the right thing for you to do.All this crap he has been sending your way just really shows what a tormented soul he is,sounds like one of those borderline personality types.Keep your head up you have a lot going for you in life.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Four days!!!! Did you hear that??? Four days!!!!

Yesterday was good and bad. I am having some major problems with my knees. I have a disease that is greatly aggravated my stress. It has manifested in my knees the past 6 months. Yesterday, I could hardly walk. After work I went and had them both drained and steroid shots in both. (3x for one knee and 4x for other in past six months). I was really down. I can handle the physical and I can handle the emotional, but when they are both together, I don't handle it so well.

When I got home, there was a check in the mail for a scholarship from college that paid yet another part of my graduate degree. That means my first 2 classes are completely paid for!!!!!! This morning I still feel a little pain in my knees, but I could probably do a flip. (Not going to though because I am kinda clumsy and I don't want to hurt anything else).

AND.....I only have four more days!!!!!


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Good for you on the scholarship! I'm sure that once this divorce is over with that your stress will be down and you will be doing better.-Keep us posted.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This is how you know you did the right thing. He just keeps reminding you.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Yes, ma'am. I know some of the things he said were true, but most weren't. Even so, why would he want to hurt me so badly? He is the one that cheated on me. I am not the one who ended this marriage. Yes, I moved out. Yes, I filed for divorce. I am not the one who caused this. I just had enough. I had to drag myself out of deep depression after several betrayals and say that I am worth more than this. He was going to be my death. He almost was. Not any more. The divorce is on Tuesday. I am so ready to be done with this.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Yesterday was very emotional. Tomorrow is my divorce. I woke up yesterday feeling like I was preparing for a funeral. What is wrong with me? This man has done such unspeakable things to me, yet I mourn for this marriage. This should be easy...this letting go, but it's not. I threw away the dress that I was married in last night. It means nothing to me any more. The whole wedding ceremony. Just lies. It was lies before we got married and has been lies until now. 

He never loved me. He was crap to my kids. So, why do I even give the slightest dam^? Why am I not ready to RUN to the courthouse and sign papers? Why does this still hurt? Maybe because I am a decent human being with feelings and cannot fathom how anyone could do what he has done to another person.

On another note, I start my class for my master's degree today. It will take me 18 months. I am hoping that this will keep me preoccupied while my mind adjusts to all of this. Maybe when the 18 months are over, I will be ready ti move on.


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

Betrayedwife said:


> Even so, why would he want to hurt me so badly? He is the one that cheated on me.


You've just answered your own question.

He's the one who cheated, he's the one who acted like a Grade A **** and he's the one who wrecked your marriage. He knows that he behaved very badly and dishonoured you but he can't accept responsibility. He is angry at himself, but he can't accept that so he turns his anger on you. He's just lashing out like a madman.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

So....I'll be in divorce court in 14 hours. I am assembling my divorce cake for my divorce party and drinking wine. This feels more like preparing for a funeral and the dinner for the family afterwards. I just can not believe it has come to this. I can't believe he did this. Sick [email protected] Such a sick f#ching [email protected]


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I don't want to see him tomorrow with that smug look on his face. A$$hole. There is no way that he will EVER see me broken. He will not get that satisfaction. I will not cry. I will not show sadness. I will look determined AND an abosolute knock out. I want the last image that he has of me to be, "damn that woman is HOT". He needs to know that he screwed up a good marriage with a good woman who was WAAAYYYY out of his league. He screwed it up for FAT FKG UGLY WHO&ES. Let him lay in the slop...I am moving on. He will never see weakness in me ever again. Only strength and courage. That is what he will see. Screw him.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

This is the S**t I like to hear !!!:smthumbup:

Empowerment
Dignity
Confidence

Your ex will NEVER find another person like you.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Divorce is like a death.

Mourn it. And then, like any death, it will get better in time.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

So...my divorce was final Tuesday. He acted like a prick and tried to take my daughters car since she has caused SO much trouble the past few months. I told him he would not talk about my daughter. I said that this divorce was not her fault but rather that he couldn't keep his **** in his pants. He ended up giving me her car but continued harassing me all the way to the county clerks office. I just looked at him and told him he was dead to me. On the way out of the county clerks office, he called my dad a jackass,(my dad came to support me). My dad just waved goodbye and smiled. 

I immediately went and changed my SS card and DL. When I got home, apparently the newly ex husband had left a broken and smashed picture of us in the front yard.

I am so glad this is over. No more will he control me. No more will he hurt me. As of right now, I am completely in control of my life and it is pretty damn good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

I wrote this a week or so ago.



totamm said:


> There's no reason to be communicating with him on a personal nature if you're headed for divorce. As tensions heat up due to the stresses of impending divorce and significant life changes, this sort of meltdown is almost inevitable and largely preventable by moving on with your life and not maintaining the dysfunctional contact.
> 
> You are partially to blame for the retribution you are receiving by perpetuating the contact. Yes you should have cut him off a long time ago.
> 
> Better late than never.


Your response to my posts on this matter and several others along those same lines were as follows:



Betrayedwife said:


> Well all communication is cut off now. My number is changed. I have no intentions of speaking to him before or after divorce court. He is dead to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Betrayedwife said:


> I realize I should have cut of contact completely a long time ago.


Then, as you were leaving the divorce court, you say the following:



Betrayedwife said:


> I said that this divorce was not her fault but rather that he couldn't keep his **** in his pants. He ended up giving me her car but continued harassing me all the way to the county clerks office. I just looked at him and told him he was dead to me.


You just can't help yourself.

As I said before, you perpetuate the problem, you continue to instigate him and then play the victim when he reacts.

The divorce may be over but the rest of it? The dysfunctional ongoing conflict between the two of you?

Not in the slightest.



Betrayedwife said:


> As of right now, I am completely in control of my life and it is pretty damn good.


It takes more than a new SS card and driver's license to be in control. Get a grip on your emotions and stop reacting to them.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

totamm:

Just who do you think you are? You have no posts of your own, yet you feel free to barge in on everyone else's posts. 

You have no idea what my life has been like....and he!! yes, when he is once again trying to take something from my kids in divorce court because he blames EVERYONE but himself for this, then, yes, I will sure as he!! say something. I am soooo sorry if you think I should have just kept my mouth shut while he berated my daughter and blamed her instead of taking responsibility for multiple affairs...and tried to take her car to boot. I don't call that stoking the fire, I call it standing up for myself FINALLY. 

Maybe you don't get that. Maybe you don't understand what it is like to be beaten down almost to death and finally be able to stand for yourself and your kids. I guess, according to you, I should still continue to take it.

It doesn't matter anymore anyway. There has been no contact other than court and there will not be. As for your information...I do have a grip on my emotions. I am not stuffing them down anymore. I am not having anymore "dysfunctional contact". I guess that is what you call standing up to a bully. If that is what it is then that is what it is. 

And for your further information, I am in control. Completely in control. It took me 2 years of silence while the [email protected] isolated and abused my family. That's what silence got me...abuse. Now, NO I will not be silent any longer. I will stand up and I will NOT ever allow that to happen again. He is "dead to me". Completely. Maybe you just don't get that either. In any case, stay off my post and keep your comments to yourself. Better yet, start your own thread and figure out what is wrong with you.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

totamm:

Also, in your quote, you insinuated that I made those comments to him as we left courthouse about not being able to keep his ++++ in his pants. No, it was right before court, when we were with the attorneys and he was trying to take my daughter's car because she supposedly has caused us so much trouble over the past few months. I said what I said because I was not going to let him blame my very good and well behaved daughter for our marriage problems. Get your story straight. It was him that continued to harass me throughout the courthouse. I ignored him and then I did finally tell him he was dead to me. Really? What do you expect me to do? I think that comment was pretty minor considering that he was calling me a ***** and everything else under the sun. It was my way of telling him that he has no effect on me anymore. 

I kept quiet for two years. I did what I was supposed to do. I was a good wife. I followed his lead. I never crossed him. All I got was cheated on. So yes, I have been VERY angry. I have a right to be. If I have said a few things, oh well, I can assure you anything I have said in the past month was well deserved.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

I wasn't going to respond because you requested I no longer comment on my thread yet you continue to make posts directed to me so let me say one final word before I bid you farewell.

Although you refer to him as a psycho, you don't seem to realize that you are dealing with a potentially dangerous person and the situation continues to be volatile. 

He left a smashed picture of the two of you in your backyard for crying out loud!

The best way to deal with such an unstable person is to back off, say nothing and at the very least, don't say things that can trigger him to do something violent. It's not a matter of being right or getting the last word or being tough and standing up to him. It's a matter of defusing the situation because you really don't know what he's capable of especially given the emotional trauma that goes along with the demise of a marriage and the finality of divorce. 

This sort of thing happens _all the time._ 

Just don't want to be reading about you (or your children) on the news.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

totamm said:


> I wrote this a week or so ago.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

BW - it sounds like you have finally found your "voice" with your X and are now setting boundaries. This is new behavior for him and he is acting out in anger and spite in an effort to bring you down.

I believe totamm is reaching out to you out of concern and offering advice on how to move past the current situation without putting yourself or your family potentially in harm's way.

I agree with you that some things need to be said and now you have said them. From now on, NC sounds like the best plan to avoid any dangerous reactions and also eliminate the emotrional turmoil that this man obviously creates for you. 

My suggestion is to document and report any violent actions from him to the police and let them handle any future situations.

Best of luck to you and stay strong!


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