# short and declining marrige



## confusedb (Jan 7, 2009)

I have been married about a year and three months and we were together for roughly five years before that. When we got married things were pretty good then six months latter things start going down hill. I know this is some what of a common story. She starts not caring about herself letting her self go and eating unhealthy and just getting lazy not want to do anything or go anywhere. She has some health problems that she takes some meds for that have side affects but all she dose is see more doctors to give her more meds to counteract those side affects. I have asked her several times to go off of them all but the important ones which is only maybe two. Her friends and family all agree with me and tell her also. Don't want to sound like a jerk but I work a lot of hours so I depend on her to do many things around the house. She cooks some dose laundry and takes care of the the animal. Now I don't need a mother figure in my life I am pretty self sufficant. I can cook and do laundry but it would be nice if i could get her to clean the house maybe once a month. I don't ask to much from her I pay all the house bills for the last 3 years so she could get her bills paid down and after 3 years I am not impressed. She has no drive to better herself to try to make more money or get a better job. And socialy Is a whole nother story. She has always been kinda shy not good around new people and i have asked repeadly for her to work on this. Now after 6 years she still has a tough time around my friends hell when we go out with her friend I get along better. Now recentaly meet another woman who I have kinda befreinded (not cheating on my wife)
and she has cofidance and is good with people and makes good coversation. She is just fun to be around she is down to earth and much like me in ways. She works alot to make ends meet and is good with money from what i can tell . Can anybody just give me some direction. I love my wife but I don't know how much longer I can take it. I am still younger If i decide to get divorced i would rather do it sooner than latter. I don't want to be trapped in a bad relationship 10 years down the road. Starting to think I made the wrong choice.


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## meina (Jan 7, 2009)

hi,
i think if you really love her very much, then she should respond and u both should figure it out through communication. but sometimes some habits are our limitations, we cant change them or we dont want to change them like being soical or unsocial. so you can well analyse what is the problem of your wife. 
wish you best of luck. 
take care of your and your better half .


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## Misha (Jan 8, 2009)

*Well, first she is your wife and you courted her before being your spouse, when you got married you both promise a vow "for better or for worst till death do you part.. right" If she got some health problems you might as well talk to your wife what is wrong with her , or even cared asking why is she that way, cause if you love somebody you must be aware to your love one, you don't mention if you two got kids already, in any manner the problem that i see is that you don't talk to each other effectively or one of you just don't listen. Cause if you love some one you'll make a way to work things out "NO MATTER WHAT".. Or you got somebody on your head that's why you see her on her bad sides on your latter days.. You're not cheating ("YET") but you're giving it (temptation/the other girl) a way through you by comparing your partner which is not healthy.. In your situation, 60 % percent of your story tells you're the one whose making it worst by driving your attention to the other girl than taking time to manage your wife's troubles and needs as her husband.. Maybe she just needs you to be more open and speak up and work it all out..And it's a shallow reason to say it's just she does not know things and got lazy would make you're marriage go down to drain.. There's is a maybe behind that, think about what you must have done to make her that way.. THink on both of your sides, in solving a situation you must consider thinking on both ends not on one end only.. In some reason communicating is still the best solution and also a good listener as well, if you two talk listen to each other and accept the things that is wrong from both of you and fix those mistakes, help each other to be reminded and guided all through out those adjustments. That is the reason why some marriage last long, they fix things than making worst.. Cause marriage is all about adjustments and working things out for the sake of your family..*


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## confusedb (Jan 7, 2009)

Over the years we have been together I have realized I have a comuicationn problem as much as she has a social problem. And I have worked on it gotten better but when it comes to bad things like this it hard to start this conversation. And my wife worked on her social problem and got better but now has regressed back to were she was if not worse. I know I need to sit down and talk to her about it but its hard to prepare for that conversation(arguement) I don't like to fight.


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## Misha (Jan 8, 2009)

confusedb said:


> Over the years we have been together I have realized I have a comuicationn problem as much as she has a social problem. And I have worked on it gotten better but when it comes to bad things like this it hard to start this conversation. And my wife worked on her social problem and got better but now has regressed back to were she was if not worse. I know I need to sit down and talk to her about it but its hard to prepare for that conversation(arguement) I don't like to fight.



I'am also been married and we are almost for 10 yrs but then it happened to me and my husband the problem is i know how to communicate to him but he never tend to admit what is wrong with him he always points a finger to me even though its most of the time it's his fault and i never gave up though he was a toxic man before that's how it was having a toxic man.. But then i never gave up of course cause i love him and our children as well and i love our family.. Everynight i cried and prayed hoping he will realized i'am always here to stay even he talks so painful i always stayed and now progressively he was talking to me and open about what he was feeling and what he wanted us to do to improve our relationship. We are working it out until now and we were able to express what we feel to each other when we got a chance and kept on reminding ourselves the family we created from the very start we don't want it to fall down just by any lame reason for our own individual sakes.. Cause we realized we are bonded and we should work things out always cause nobody can, and it is all about Us. And he reconsider now how painful i get from him when he talks dirty to me when i suppress myself of talking back for him not to get hurt. Understanding your partners feeling is always a big point in a relationship because marriage is not only about YOU alone it's about BOTH of you to care about and to your family/siblings if you have kids. . I hope you got my point..


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## confusedb (Jan 7, 2009)

Well last night was the big talk I sat her down with not tv no phone just no distractions. And told her some of the things I may say won't sound good but not to take any of it personal and I don't say these things to hurt her. We talked for about 2 hours bout the things that are bothering me and her. I hurt her that I let this bother me for so long with out saying anything and that she had no clue of any of this. And she thought we were doing really good. And when I told her that I was looking into counseling for myself she just broke down because I said that I would never go to any type of counseling. So I hope we are on the right track and thing will get better.


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## Misha (Jan 8, 2009)

confusedb said:


> Well last night was the big talk I sat her down with not tv no phone just no distractions. And told her some of the things I may say won't sound good but not to take any of it personal and I don't say these things to hurt her. We talked for about 2 hours bout the things that are bothering me and her. I hurt her that I let this bother me for so long with out saying anything and that she had no clue of any of this. And she thought we were doing really good. And when I told her that I was looking into counseling for myself she just broke down because I said that I would never go to any type of counseling. So I hope we are on the right track and thing will get better.


 Well its good to here that atleast you've tried to fix things between you and her cause its a very big deal making an effort.. I can see how it hurts to be told about the truth but in a sense that would and should make things improve and be understood.. See she is not aware, its a good thing you've told her your side and the problem you're having cause it will hurt us much if we will be ignored and let it be and the solution would be so tragic if we will only think of our own needs. It is very important to realize when we got married the vow we made is to be together through thick and thin, and the only solution i have in mind is keep on fixing and repairing things that has been a problem as long as we don't let ourselves see other men/women or getting another partner was never a solution to me.. Cause if i would get another man in my life because of a bad experience from our marriage, i don't know if the next one will be a good one.. Nobody is perfect so , one way or another i see it so senseless to go over and over, it's pointless .. Cause everyone got flaws you know and you will get through those adjustments again from the beginning if you'll gonna have another new person (AGAIN) in your life. I'd rather not to get married again and guide my kid alone, cause i don't want my kid to get confused and mess her/his life because of my own needs i see it not a good idea .  I just shared you my thoughts .. and good luck for both of you..


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