# Why emeralds are expensive and the book you have to read (if you're a guy)



## IH8theFriendZone (Mar 14, 2011)

OK...I'm going to write an op-ed here for what it's worth. I haven't explained my story yet on here and that's fine...I will eventually. Suffice it to say, here's a quick one-liner about me:
_I'm a nice guy who married a girl who dated a-holes and would give it up for them by the truckload; with me, we had a good amount of sex until we got married, and it went downhill until after we had kids, then it was as though my role in her childhood dream of becoming a mother was fulfilled... now if I would just be so kind as to take out the trash and drop her package off at the post office and generally just stay the f--k out of her way while expecting nothing from her yet remain interested in every detail of her day..._

My situation is progressing toward the positive as I crucify who I used to be (I have intense self-loathing regarding my past and who I used to be...I'm sick and f--king tired of being a nice guy and getting trampled and shafted) and I want to share some thoughts:

Most of you know why diamonds are so expensive. Actually, emeralds are the most expensive gem per karat weight in the world. But just to hit my point, I'm going to say why: because they're hard to find. Period. Dot. It's because they cannot be easily acquired that their value goes up. Emeralds are the most expensive because they're the rarest gem in the world. And this is why women generally are attracted to alpha males...anywhere from the confident, strong, and determined alpha to the cheater, the liar, and the abuser -- these men are harder to acquire. It's the same reason why Sharon Stone's character in Casino kept crawling back to her jerk boyfriend played by James Woods instead of throwing herself at the feet of her multi-million dollar earning husband played by Robert DeNiro...DeNiro's character was at her beckon call; Woods' character played by his own rules and she had to earn him.
If you're the nice guy like me, women gain interest in you because you're nice. Then, generally speaking, they become bored with you because you're nice. It's human nature...the achievements we find most rewarding are those that were the most difficult to accomplish. If you're easy to get, you're just as easy to dispose of and of little value. But if you're present, but not quite attainable, you provide a critical ingredient to many women: a thrilling, fun, and potentially rewarding challenge. And there's a name for this: it's called "cat string theory." I'll explain in a second.
I bought a book a short while ago that I read cover to cover. I should have read it again and taken notes it was so good, but I ditched it because the title alone would have thrown my wife into a fury. It's a book entitled, "The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artsts," by Neil Strauss. It's the true story of a timid, geeky, nice guy who goes on to become universally recognized as the world's greatest pickup artist. And in detailing his story, he also details how he picks up women. Why on earth did I get this book? Not to have an affair. And not to pick up chicks. But to pick up my wife. Any man in this forum who has a wife who is disinterested in sex, IMHO, must read this book. If it won't work in your marriage, then it will certainly work after you're divorced.
In the book he explains being the alpha male and all its concepts. But two things I want to explain further here are "c o c k y funny" and the aforementioned "cat string theory."
****y funny is what it sounds. It's an edge and an aura of confidence mixed it with humor. I don't know a single woman who doesn't like a good sense of humor. And almost all women like a man with confidence. Mix the two together and you get ****y funny...a man who can use a sense of humor that sometimes you're not quite sure if that was a joke or a putdown...a compliment or an insult (and kind of a funny one at that). It is, by it's very nature, a lure and an instrument of social dynamics that is meant to establish attraction by making yourself feel difficult to attain and/or interpret. 
Some of you like MEM have mentioned to keep your humor, your happiness (not letting anger enter your persona) while being a little bit playfully emotionally unavailable or difficult to attain. This is kind of the essence of ****y funny. The book explains it, and details many true story examples of how it works. 
Cat string theory I can explain to a T. It works like this (and encapsulates my wife and every other woman I've known perfectly): dangle a string just out of a cat's reach and the cat will go apesh!t trying to grab it; but give the string to the cat and it'll toy with it for a few moments, then get bored and walk away. This is the essence again of why women find men who are a challenge often irresistible.
If you're easy, you're boring. If you're a difficult one to pin down, mysterious, and ****y with a good, playful sense of humor, it's MUCH easier to generate interest and attraction in you.
Not quite the expert here...still learning. But I wanted to share because it has helped me a lot in my transformation.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I agree with you in some areas, but not the whole post. 

Women who want everything and pursue perfection are just not practical, they are usually being bitten by those alpha males badly. They want money, they want rich men, and they want those rich men to focus on them only. Yes, rarely happens. 

People usually become bored with the stuff after they have owned it. If you had a BENZ, how long could you keep the exciting mood? If you are able to, after a couple of years, you want something new and more flashy. It is sad that a lot of people have the same attitude towards marriages now, never content. 

Playing hard to catch works for some people, but what about after they catch it. Marriages are not that simple, men and women who play hard to catch usually end up with nothing. 

Being honest, trustworthy, appreciative, respectful, hard working are qualities we should obtain. If the immature people don't appreciate us, somebody who knows how to be appreciative will be grateful when they meet us. Humor IS important in our lives because we need to laugh regularly. One big quality my husband owns is he can always make me laugh easily. He does it on purpose so he can see me smile, he puts effort into it. 

Some religions are great to help people obtain good qualities and peace, really wish people don't just stay away from them. You may not need to become one of them, but their wisdom is what we really need to use to find peace in life. 

View life a kind of university and we never get to graduate from it! I know it clearly now, I know I can never stop studying. About life, about people, about myself!


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## IH8theFriendZone (Mar 14, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> I agree with you in some areas, but not the whole post.
> 
> Women who want everything and pursue perfection are just not practical, they are usually being bitten by those alpha males badly. They want money, they want rich men, and they want those rich men to focus on them only. Yes, rarely happens.
> 
> ...


I agree with you...I think the main point, or at least something important to emphasize is that you can't stagnate. Even in an otherwise healthy marriage. And I think nice guys tend to stagnate very quickly. Keeping mobile and even a bit unpredictable, maintaining true direction toward yourself and your goals in life and a touch of independence I think is the main thing and is a good way to keep attraction fresh. It's a good way of not just handing the string over to the cat.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

IH8theFriendZone said:


> I agree with you...I think the main point, or at least something important to emphasize is that you can't stagnate. Even in an otherwise healthy marriage. And I think nice guys tend to stagnate very quickly. Keeping mobile and even a bit unpredictable, maintaining true direction toward yourself and your goals in life and a touch of independence I think is the main thing and is a good way to keep attraction fresh. It's a good way of not just handing the string over to the cat.


A husband and a wife both have to work hard to obtain each other's love! 

Yes, don't just give it to the cat! I think that's what people say about unconditional love. After you are married, you should love that person unconditionally no matter they are good or not, no matter they are giving or not. I don't think that's a right attitude for people to have. If they don't work, then don't eat!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Suggest you create a copy of this over in the Men's Lounge. Interesting stuff...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

IH8theFriendZone said:


> But just to hit my point, I'm going to say why: because they're hard to find. Period. Dot. It's because they cannot be easily acquired that their value goes up. Emeralds are the most expensive because they're the rarest gem in the world. And this is why women generally are attracted to alpha males...anywhere from the confident, strong, and determined alpha to the cheater, the liar, and the abuser -- these men are harder to acquire. .


I am happy that you said "generally" cause it is NOT always true. 

I have a dear close girlfriend, (smart, beautiful thin blonde, good job, faithful, great mother) but gullable, who won the heart of this type of man (confident strong charming Alpha alright), I would say the "Mystery method" and "the Game" are his 2nd languages. The dangling of the carrot -he knows this brilliantly. 

Marraige lasted about 8 yrs, his cheating almost the whole time. She divorced him finally. She was so pi**ed at him for the pain of all his affairs, even with neighbors, she changed her last name back to her maiden name. 

And would you believe he weasled himself back into her life, in her bed, he is THAT GOOD, she is in love with him all over again. The emotional roller coaster never ends. She calls ME crying when he walks all over her, throws his charm around, the carrot dangled yet another time. 

I Never realized the DAMAGE this ALPHA LOSER did to her psyche until I tried to fix her up with a male friend & her sharing some other dating experiences with me, she is pathetically paranoid. Now she sees ALL men as TOXIC, she is incapable of trusting any men to be genuine before her. I really think she needs a therapist. 


I just want to say something here. These men are NOT any better than other men. If you base your getting a woman (which I know is not what YOU are doing) on these methods, and continue "the game", it will only have you found out anyway down the road. 

I can understand the benefit of learning effective FUN 
methods to gain some initial interest, we could all use better communication skills, but after this, I think people should BE and act who they are. Anything less would be worthless to me personally. 

Gullable women fall for these things, not smart women. 



IH8theFriendZone said:


> It's the same reason why Sharon Stone's character in Casino kept crawling back to her jerk boyfriend played by James Woods instead of throwing herself at the feet of her multi-million dollar earning husband played by Robert DeNiro...DeNiro's character was at her beckon call; Woods' character played by his own rules and she had to earn him..


 I didn't see the movie, but I bet this was also a TOXIC relationship and all bad for the woman. Am I right? 




IH8theFriendZone said:


> Not quite the expert here...still learning. But I wanted to share because it has helped me a lot in my transformation.


 Please be very careful not to turn into a complete A-hole in this process/transformation. You are already judging people's VALUE on picking up women, with very harsh critism. 

Some not so Alpha Males have Beautiful fullfilling marraiges. To speak like this is to trample all of them. 

I think you have so much pen up frustration and disdain from your own personal story & struggle, you have become critically "biased". 

Don't throw all the Good to the dogs.


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## IH8theFriendZone (Mar 14, 2011)

SA...thank you for your thoughts. I'm genuinely trying to become a better man. I am totally beta all the way. And I'm not trying to reduce my good qualities, but rather increase the alpha qualities that I lack...exactly like what Atholk wrote in my post on the definitive alpha thread. I don't want to become an a-hole. In truth, I do have intense self-loathing because I do not feel loved and I feel if I were a better person I would get more affection, emotionally and physically, from my wife. As such, I just want to feel wanted. I want to know that I turn her on. Sadly, and this is a real problem of mine, I want her to feel towards me the way she felt towards her ex boyfriend...passionate and head over heels for.
I do not get this feeling from her at all. I get the, "you're my best friend" and the, "you're the father of my children." But I do not get the, "you're my lover," and the, "you make me feel in love."
I hate it. I absolutely hate it. And it consumes me.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I think the key is that you don't turn into an Alpha Loser as SA put it so eloquently and turn it around to hurt your wife or other women and that you use it for the betterment and enjoyment of your relationship with your wife. 

I'll add that it is a flaw in human perception that we want the rarest emerald rather than what is beautiful around us. It's not a strength or staple in human nature, it's rather been cultivated and upheld by societies. I don't agree with it.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I'm not sure using murderous mobsters and their drug addict wives behaving badly is a really good illustration of male/female interaction in healthy relationships.

But if you want to show the extremes of sociopathic behavior, sure.


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## IH8theFriendZone (Mar 14, 2011)

It may be a flaw in the perception of humans in general, but it describes my wife to a T...cat string theory. She wants what she can't have and then when she gets it she becomes bored with it very quickly.
As someone else noted on another thread, this would all be SO much simpler if there weren't kids involved.



Trenton said:


> I think the key is that you don't turn into an Alpha Loser as SA put it so eloquently and turn it around to hurt your wife or other women and that you use it for the betterment and enjoyment of your relationship with your wife.
> 
> I'll add that it is a flaw in human perception that we want the rarest emerald rather than what is beautiful around us. It's not a strength or staple in human nature, it's rather been cultivated and upheld by societies. I don't agree with it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I googled it - *Cat String Theory *explained here :

Cat String Theory | Social & Dating Coaching | Attractology


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