# Medical problem (Lichen Sclerosus)



## oldpeculiar (Jan 17, 2016)

Hi TAM, been lurking for a bit but have now plucked up the courage to post about a problem I can’t see discussed much on these pages 

Around 18months ago my wife started having problems with sex becoming uncomfortable, after waiting it out then a few trips to the doctor she was diagnosed with Lichen Sclerosus (or sclerosis) a skin condition that affects the genitals causing white or red patches that are sensitive and sore and can result in scaring. It’s not a condition that goes away but can be controlled through topical steroids and skin creams. After a regular course of steroids it’s under control for her and could be considered fairly mild compared to the other women on the facebook group she’s joined. 

As you can imagine this has had quite an impact on our sex life and I’m seeking ways to work around this and give her as much satisfaction as possible, this is made more difficult by a number of other hang ups she has regarding sex in general. Here’s an overview of the main ones:


General aversion to her own body. She has never masturbated (which is itself infrequent) through direct contact but always through clothes or with a toy. This makes her very self-conscious about many things, especially receiving oral as despite my best efforts to convince her otherwise in her mind she can’t quite get over the fact that I’m doing something she view as rather yucky. Having to apply the creams she now has to use was a big shock to her and she’s had real trouble dealing with this.


Responsive desire. Aside from a couple of days each month my wife is not usually that interested in sex without some persuasion. Once she’s in the mood she enjoys sex and used to orgasm happily but it takes a fair bit of initiation on my part before she decides she’s interested. Now however that sort of initiation works far less as she’ll frequently decide she’s too sore or her head’s not in the right place etc. leaving me frustrated and horny and her simply frustrated. 


My wife prefers to orgasm with PIV, preferably simultaneously with me. The emotional contact is important to her orgasm. PIV is can be difficult or sore for her now – and understandably it doesn’t take a lot to put her off. I can make her 'O' by hand, but usually just before she’s ready she’ll want me to stop and switch to PIV then not reach ‘O’ because she’s too sensitive, whilst I’m then worried about hurting her. Again resulting in frustration all round.



Has anybody had similar problems that they’ve had to deal with and/or have suggestions for how to manage this?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

oldpeculiar said:


> Has anybody had similar problems that they’ve had to deal with and/or have suggestions for how to manage this?


Diagnoses aside, your wife sounds fairly normal. *Anxiety* can also make intercourse painful even after her medical problems have been fully resolved. 

I would recommend trying coconut oil as a personal lubricant and engaging in slow/tantric PIV lovemaking. Do NOT focus on making her orgasm, put all your attention on making her feel loved. If she orgasms great, if she does not orgasm, that is still great as long as she feels loved and an emotional connection during lovemaking.

How should the two of you measure the quality of your lovemaking? It should not be based on the strength and duration of an orgasm. It should be based on a sense of still feeling loved and accepted even if your traditional lovemaking is not readily attainable. 

Regards,
Badsanta


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

I've spoken to a girl friend of mine, who has LS. Showed her your post. 

Here's what she had to say. 

As far as the physical, you can look into vaginal dilators. These will help in stretching her vagina, to counteract the tightness that will be going to occur. This will reduce the tearing from PIV. Along with A LOT of non water based lube (like coconut oil. Water based lube dries out, works great to begin with, then worse than nothing, according to my friend).

However, it's the mental aspect she (my friend) was more concerned with. From what you've written, she thinks (and I agree) your Wife has issues with a) sex, b) her own body. She's very uncomfortable with her lady parts. This will only get worse now she has LS. Applying the steroids is not a pleasant experience. Stinging, burning, itching. Having to apply them somewhere she doesn't even like (ie "down there") is even worse. And she may well avoid applying the cream, which is going to do her no good. 

My friend STRONGLY advises your Wife seeks out professional help. Yes, I mean a sex psychotherapist. The good news is she can be referred by her GP. 

What has happened to her, is happening to her now, requires a lot of support. From you, her GP, Gyno, a therapist, and support groups.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I have this condition (LS). Let me first say that when it flares up, this skin condition is absolutely EXCRUCIATING. The pain is so out of proportion to the seemingly "minor looking" irritation. A series of small "paper cuts" and irritated patches appear, and the pain is beyond ridiculous. Clothing (panties, jeans) is almost unbearable, and showers are out of the question. Mine is well controlled with topical steroids and a very clean Paleo diet. Eliminating food intolerances is HUGE in controlling this, as it is an autoimmune condition.

Having said that, I completely agree with @DayOne. I have a very high sex drive, and lichen sclerosus in no way affects my attitude towards sex. Even when I have a flare up (which is rare) I find plenty of other ways to please my partner, and he finds plenty of other ways to please me.

Your wife is very uptight about sex. She obviously has body image hangups, probably going way back to childhood. This has nothing to do with LS. A visit to a qualified sex therapist is in order.

*NOTE: LS can cause permanent atrophy in the female genital tissues resulting in very painful sex (permanent due to atrophy) if not well controlled. It is very important to use the medication as prescribed and make dietary changes to reduce inflammation. LS is a progressive disease and must be controlled to avoid permanent atrophy.

You might want to check out my thread Strict Paleo diet for A/I issues?? where we are discussing getting A/I conditions under control through dietary changes.


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## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

I don't know if this would help, but found this post online:

Lichen Sclerosus cured - but it took work..Thread discussing Lichen Sclerosus cured - but it took work.

She should stay away or limit stuff that is inflammatory to the body...white flour, sugar, alcohol etc. and possibly gluten. Has she had her thyroid checked, and also check bloodwork for antibodies to her thyroid? You can google it.

Also... acupuncture might help if she was ok with it.


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## oldpeculiar (Jan 17, 2016)

Thanks for your comments, we have been using coconut oil - it’s pretty much essential now, maybe try applying some ahead of time? We’re pretty loving and supportive to each other, it helps that both of us are big on physical intimacy (hugs, snuggles, backrubs that sort of thing). 

As for her body issues that’s a bit trickier. I don’t believe she would consider seeing a therapist, she wouldn’t believe there’s anything they could do to help plus she doesn’t really see it as that much of a problem for her. 

Diet wise my wife has been on the 5:2 diet for some time (very successfully, she’s dropped from a UK size 16 to an 8) which cuts out or reduces most of the foods mentioned in the Paleo plan, this hasn’t made any difference so far. She feels there maybe be more of a hormonal element particularly as she suffers from a pretty irregular cycle. Hormonal treatments affect her blood pressure though and so are not an option at the moment. The consultant even went so far as to offer a hysterectomy, my wife was pretty surprised by that.


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