# Throwing in the Towel



## stoomey74 (Sep 20, 2009)

So after my wife ignoring me for years, having an affair (though no confirmed intercourse) and ignoring me for even more years I am finally ready to just give up. I have moved out sort of, staying with a friend.

I have two step children who have no other father but me so I will still be involved in their lives.

My question or problem is why can I not just tell her that it's over? I just can't say the words I want a divorce. I don;t hate her, I just don't want to be married to her.

Why can't I say the words? Is something wrong with me?

Thanks


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

No, nothing is wrong with you. It is a Huge step once you say the words. It sounds like it's not something you really want, but your wife's indifference towards you is making you feel it's the only solution at this point. 

What do you think will happen if you say the words? Do you think she will step up and take it as a true wake-up call, or do you feel she will not fight it?


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

What about saying it in the context that you feel this way today but are willing to work on the marriage if it is salvageable?


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Ever think you don't want it over but want it better?? I am getting there in my relationship. Just exsisting isn't an option. As we get older we seem to look for more and not settle any more.. Why not give it some time away and see how distance feels..


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## stoomey74 (Sep 20, 2009)

I don't know if I have it in me to continue, I have left the home so that was a wake up call , but I feel that all my years of telling her i need to be a priority and I need to feel wanted will still be on deaf ears.

I am affraid to get hurt again as I have been over the last few years.

I just can't understand why I don't want to hurt her or I am affraid of her feelings. I seriously can not comprehend why I can't just say I'm out! How do I deal with these feelings? I truly no longer want to be married.

Thanks for the input.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Something tells me you do... I feel you are here to get some clarity on your situation.. I know how you feel.. I have 300+ posts on mine and it was a roller coaster. Summarize I been married 15 years. 2 kids. Wife has self-esteem issues and confidence along with depression. My marriage has been like a father daughter one. Where every thing had to go threw me to get done. Time wore she forgot to grow up into a women. thought it was me ran 5 years ago.. Did it again this past summer. Got her to stop running again. Now I am in your shoes.. While I am not to the point where you are I know how you are feeling. Wife is back but her old habits are still there. No changes. All I want to feel is my wife wants me and makes an effort to make me happy. I get the feeling that's your shoes. Your wife only takes all your affection and love but doesn't go out of her way for you. It is a hard road. I am sorry I don't have the answer for you as I am looking for the answer also. Yet I won't give up.. I know that person is there just have to find her.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Stop - stop talking. Start dating. I am serious. Soon you will meet someone who is kind and loving to you. And you will wonder - why did I waste ALL THAT TIME and energy on someone who did not really love me. 





stoomey74 said:


> I don't know if I have it in me to continue, I have left the home so that was a wake up call , but I feel that all my years of telling her i need to be a priority and I need to feel wanted will still be on deaf ears.
> 
> I am affraid to get hurt again as I have been over the last few years.
> 
> ...


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