# Flirting vs. Spontaneity



## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

I have a (semi-serious) question for the guys about Steak & BJ day. 

I happened to pull some steak out of the freezer last night, totally forgetting about the big "holiday" today. This morning I saw some silly references to it on facebook so I sent one to my H via email and said something like "Well, I already have the steaks ready, I guess I'll have to provide the rest of the festivities too ".

I got back an "LOL" but then he later said that I ruined the bj by announcing it ahead of time. This has come up before. I see this kind of reference as flirting with him during the day but if I say anything ahead of time, he sees it as me "planning" sex which he finds unsexy and it kind of ruins the moment for him.

I guess I should just take the hint and stop making references to sex ahead of time but I thought guys liked a little flirting/something to look forward to? Any other guys like my H?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wow...that would really bother me if my H said something like that.

Is your H sort of intimacy avoidant?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

We txt all day and often it is about sex, it's fun and sexy, cannot see what the problem is. You husband sounds like a real killjoy


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

As a man, I would like the hints and sexy thoughts from my wife during the day. That way, it would be a sexy distraction and something to look forward to. It would only build up my excitement for when I get home.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> Is your H sort of intimacy avoidant?


Not at all. He is very loving and affectionate and we have sex 2-3 times a week. He just feels like it ruins the moment if we talk about it ahead of time or if he feels at all like I'm trying too hard. It just throws me off a little because I don't know how to flirt with him or build up some sexual tension during the day (which women need) without making him feel like I'm scheduling "must have sex with husband" in my iphone calendar. I'm not really doing that at all! I'm just trying to let him know that I'm thinking about and wanting him.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

justonelife said:


> "Well, I already have the steaks ready, I guess I'll have to provide the rest of the festivities too ".


That text would have me leaving work as early as possible.



> I guess I should just take the hint and stop making references to sex ahead of time but I thought guys liked a little flirting/something to look forward to? Any other guys like my H?


Yeah, you probably should since he has this reaction.

I'd imagine most guys would have my reaction but...you aren't married to most guys.

We have to deal with the little quirks.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

justonelife said:


> Not at all. He is very loving and affectionate and we have sex 2-3 times a week. He just feels like it ruins the moment if we talk about it ahead of time or if he feels at all like I'm trying too hard. It just throws me off a little because I don't know how to flirt with him or build up some sexual tension during the day (which women need) without making him feel like I'm scheduling "must have sex with husband" in my iphone calendar. I'm not really doing that at all!* I'm just trying to let him know that I'm thinking about and wanting him*.


maybe just talk to him in those terms then. I will often txt something like "thinking of you" which is non sexual but I may well be thinking about the sex we had last night.

So simple stuff that isn't too heavy with a sexual overtone.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

So try surprising him with something sexy without the prior notice and see how that goes over. If he complains about that too then you have a problem. If it goes well, then you have a guy with particular tastes that differ from others.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

I Notice The Details said:


> That way, it would be a sexy distraction and something to look forward to. It would only build up my excitement for when I get home.


This is what I thought too but I think he sees it as too much planning. When I start to give him the bj or whatever that night, he'll feel like I'm just doing it because it was "expected", not because I was really feeling it in the moment. Does that make sense? Or maybe he just prefers to be surprised in the moment? I'm not sure.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

justonelife said:


> This is what I thought too but I think he sees it as too much planning. When I start to give him the bj or whatever that night, he'll feel like I'm just doing it because it was "expected", not because I was really feeling it in the moment. Does that make sense? Or maybe he just prefers to be surprised in the moment? I'm not sure.


No really that doesn't make sense.

When my wife sexts me it makes me feel like she's been thinking about me and about having me all day.

That's always an ego boost.

I don't get it either.
:scratchhead:


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

justonelife said:


> This is what I thought too but I think he sees it as too much planning. When I start to give him the bj or whatever that night, he'll feel like I'm just doing it because it was "expected", not because I was really feeling it in the moment. Does that make sense? Or maybe he just prefers to be surprised in the moment? I'm not sure.


He must just like to be completely surprised. Totally spontaneous. Sometimes that is good, but most of the time, it is good to look forward, to plan, to anticipate...to simmer on the sexy details.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Your hubby sounds like mine - he WAAAAAAAYYYY over-thinks things. My hubby doesn't mind the flirting, but he does think bj's are selfish for him to want since I theoretically don't 'get' anything out of them. He can't seem to wrap his head around the fact that giving them turns me on.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Your hubby sounds like mine - he WAAAAAAAYYYY over-thinks things. My hubby doesn't mind the flirting, but he does think bj's are selfish for him to want since I theoretically don't 'get' anything out of them. He can't seem to wrap his head around the fact that giving them turns me on.


I think a lot of men feel this way about BJ's. 

This week I have been really sick and very low on energy due to anemia. I also got my period so not feeling in the mood. I went to bed early as I could not even sit up due to the anemia, told him that while I would love to make him happy I just really was beyond exhausted.
He came to bed not long after and I just couldn't help myself, just the thought of giving him a BJ turns me on so I did it.
He said "thank you for doing that for me" I smiled and asked if he really thought I did it just for his benefit? 
I know he gives me oral for both our benefits.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

You have a steak & BJ public holiday?


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## mothugsta (Feb 22, 2013)

Holland said:


> I think a lot of men feel this way about BJ's.
> 
> This week I have been really sick and very low on energy due to anemia. I also got my period so not feeling in the mood. I went to bed early as I could not even sit up due to the anemia, told him that while I would love to make him happy I just really was beyond exhausted.
> He came to bed not long after and I just couldn't help myself, just the thought of giving him a BJ turns me on so I did it.
> ...


When she starts giving me a BJ, I often have the urge to want to stop her, because I want to have sex so badly. But I also want to let her finish me off. I have to learn to make a decision and go with it, because Ill often lose focus, while thinking about it. bleh. 

So I usually go with 5 minutes of BJ, turn it into sex, and orgasm 5 seconds inside he3r, then switch to her mouth quickly, for the duration of my climax. Its a win win.


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