# where do they get the nerve???



## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

Just wondering - where do these spouses who unilterally chose to leave, have affairs and stomp all over their families get the nerve to actually act hostile and put out when the "dumpee" has an important question about the kids or the finances??? 

My H left in October and is now apparently living like a pig in sh$t, going out with his new gf, drinking, and acting like an irresponsible teenager. I don't bother him, stalk him, try to contact the OW, nothing. My plan is to just keep the contact to the absolute minimum and deal with him seeing the kids as best as possible. I want nothing to do with him at this point. So, when I text to say that I have an important question and I get a "what"; "okay" answer I want to bash his skull in. Those snotty, short, one word answers piss me off, as though I have no business bugging him when he's the one that left me with all the major responsibilities. Is he insane?? Where does this come from?? He left. What if my important question was about one of the kids? And this jackass wants joint custody? I ask again, where does he get the nerve?????!!!!!!!


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## Gilgamesh (Dec 15, 2010)

My situation was a little different to urs....i got kicked out and my wife kept my daughter...and she then started moving another man in etc etc....
But i really do know how the one word answer feel....i would text something like, i am working today so i cannot see my daughter would i be able to get her tommorro instead and if so what time?
you know what her response was? yes....just yes...no time...nothing else...no yes thats fine...it hurts down to the core and pisses u off...
There is no answer to where do they get the nerve....they just do it...maybe they have mixed feelings or are just plain trying to piss us off....quite frankly the no contact thing only works so much...at the moment...my family is organising when to pick up my daughter etc, so i have absolutely NO contact with my ex...this wont be possible for everyone...
When it comes to ur kids....you want to be nice...even tho the break up has ruined u...and when the ex doesnt act nice it only makes it so much worse...when the kids are young, its harder...because they can ask to goto mummys or daddys but its upto the parent that has them....you cannot legally do anything unless the kids are in danger...no matter wether they cheated on u or anything like that...We just have to put up with their ****...it hurts us as adults...but we cant show that to our children....it will make them take sides later on. Just be the best parent u can be with what you have to deal with. If the ex pisses u off, then dont contact them unless its an emergency....if ur ex husband wants to see his kids...get him to make the effort, if ur kids ask to see ur ex husband, get them to call him or just say he is busy to ur kids...yes this may make them take sides...but if the ex actually does care about the children, they have to make the effort...
as for the finances? the ex will not help u....plain and simply....they legally will have to pay child support...but thats it...they dont have to pay anything else...and they wont even bother trying to help u...it hurts and makes it tough i know...but theres nothing u can do about it


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

blownaway said:


> Just wondering - where do these spouses who unilterally chose to leave, have affairs and stomp all over their families get the nerve to actually act hostile and put out when the "dumpee" has an important question about the kids or the finances???
> 
> My H left in October and is now apparently living like a pig in sh$t, going out with his new gf, drinking, and acting like an irresponsible teenager. I don't bother him, stalk him, try to contact the OW, nothing. My plan is to just keep the contact to the absolute minimum and deal with him seeing the kids as best as possible. I want nothing to do with him at this point. So, when I text to say that I have an important question and I get a "what"; "okay" answer I want to bash his skull in. Those snotty, short, one word answers piss me off, as though I have no business bugging him when he's the one that left me with all the major responsibilities. Is he insane?? Where does this come from?? He left. What if my important question was about one of the kids? And this jackass wants joint custody? I ask again, where does he get the nerve?????!!!!!!!


Blownaway, the WS are not thinking rationally. They are having an affair. You will see all kinds of behaviour. Sometimes you will question if they have split personality. I could almost tell when my ex h was with her. He just would not answer the phone calls even if they were about our son(which is why I would call him anyways once the affair was out in the open). You have to be absolutely ready for anything and everything. Sometimes they will act really nice, you will almost think the A is over. It is a huge rollercoaster that drains you emotionally. Trust me even after the D I still try to get off of it. But it can be done!


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

I guess it's just amazing to me that someone could choose to trade in their family and then have the balls to act as though we're bothering him when there is a question about something important. You're right though - he probably was with her and wanted to show off about how dismissive he could be with the "old" version. In my book, he is not thinking at all. He could care less. He bought the kids one gift a piece with a few "little things" on the side. Never even asked if there was something special they asked Santa for. Naturally. That's because mom takes care of all the gifts and the preparation to make sure the Christms is special for them. I cannot believe what a LOSER he's turned into. I want off this nightmarish ride. How do I get off the ride????????


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## willpowerwoman75 (Dec 27, 2010)

my mind wants to go one way and I know in my heart that's not the way I need to go. I'm 28 married my husband is 27 sgt. marine with PTSD which found out it's off the charts and is getting a increase on his disability. We've been married for 4 yrs. together for 6yrs. and we've got a wonderful little boy. we've been separated since nov.16th 2010. as of 16th of next month will be 2 months that we've been separated and it sucks. So there couldn't handle divorce cause that is just too much to handle. And some people just need to realize that divorce is just too much for people to handle more less separation.
our son 4 yr. birthday is coming up and our 6yr. ann is coming up of being together but it feels like we probably won't be able to celebrate that because we're separated. what a way to spent the holidays.  don't one weather to be sad or happy. talk about mixed feelings on that. I want and need to trust my husband even though he trust me. and he thinks that I don't trust him. the way I see it is that if I didn't trust him then 1. I wouldn't take our son to a babysitter ( family member) for a little bit and leave my husband and my old classmate at our house with eachother. 2. I wouldn't let him going down to missouri to have guys night out and afterwards I found out from him that she was there. A guys night is just the guys no girls. and if I didn't just him then I wouldn't have said to got pick her up and take her home and come back. How can he say that I don't trust when I've shown him that I do. This woman has issues of her own and can't even handle her own issues but instead puts her nose else wheres where it doesn't belong. 
He understands why I'm clingy but doesn't know how to deal with it so he asked my soon to be sister in law at the time of why I'm so clingy and how do I deal or handle it. It's one thing to have a 3 or 4days or so of space from eachother but it's completely different and stupid to have month of space from eachother.


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