# :(



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

OB said this pregnancy, more than likely, will end in a miscarriage. 




And I had to find out the weekend of Mother's Day.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

C2W i'm so sorry 
I really hope they're wrong (it happens).
I will be praying for you & your husband.


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## Big Dude (Feb 24, 2013)

I am so sorry.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Sorry to hear that C2W ((hugs))

Did they explain why?


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Sorry to read this c2w... so sad for you.
What's happened?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Oh honey, I'm so sorry! *hugs*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How sad. (((((hugs)))))

How far along are you?


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Thanks everyone. 

At the first OBGYN appointment, the OB tried to see the heartbeat through the vaginal ultrasound but couldn't. She said I was probably off on the dates I gave for my last period, because if my dates were right it would have put me at nine weeks, and she said she should have been able to hear/see the heartbeat by that point. 

She sent me in for a blood test to see my HCG levels. The first one showed levels high enough for another ultrasound. I had an abdominal ultrasound and a second vaginal one, and still nothing. OB called me back and said, based on the level of HCG they found in the first test, they should have been able to see/hear the heartbeat. I had another blood test, and the HCG levels went down by 5,000. I've had a third test but I don't have the results yet. 

She said there's a chance that the fetus is growing outside of the uterus, so they'll keep monitoring the HCG levels in my blood once a week, but the chance of it being this are highly unlikely...especially since the HCG levels have already gone down. 

I've been a mess all weekend. And to add insult to injury, this was also the weekend my husband and I are babysitting our 3 month old nephew. 

Heart, meet knife.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Oh no. I'm so sorry. What a sad sad thing to hear this weekend.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

TiggyBlue said:


> C2W i'm so sorry
> I really hope they're wrong (it happens).
> I will be praying for you.


I'm trying to hold out at least a little hope, but in my heart I don't feel it. I greatly appreciate the prayers, Tiggy. Thank you. Pray for my husband too, please. He's not an emotional person and I'm worried that he'll just stuff down what he feels and not deal with it. He's really sad too, but hasn't wanted to talk about it.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

walkingwounded said:


> Sorry to hear that C2W ((hugs))
> 
> Did they explain why?


OB said that, more than likely, the sperm met the egg and fertilized it, but everything after that stopped. She said it's a common occurrence, but that didn't make me feel any better at all.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> I'm trying to hold out at least a little hope, but in my heart I don't feel it. I greatly appreciate the prayers, Tiggy. Thank you. Pray for my husband too, please. He's not an emotional person and I'm worried that he'll just stuff down what he feels and not deal with it. He's really sad too, but hasn't wanted to talk about it.





> I will be praying for you & your husband.


Fixed it, sorry about that.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Can you send your nephew home? You don't need that extra stress right now.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I am so sorry, makes me cry. Aloha.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Lyris said:


> Can you send your nephew home? You don't need that extra stress right now.


No. His parents are at the beach. They're on their way home now, cause brother in law works tomorrow, but last night was _hell_. I'd had less than three hours of sleep the night before, and last night he got really fussy and I couldn't figure out why. And he slept less than the night before, so I had...about an hour and a half of sleep. I had an emotional break down and asked my husband if we could get someone to watch him for a little bit, but as it was one in the morning, he said no one would take him. 

I've never had to stuff my feelings for so long in my life. I usually don't stuff...I deal with them as I feel them, which can be bad, but I'm not good at ignoring my feelings. So right now I am on a rollercoaster.

Hopefully it won't be more than an hour before hubs and I can really sit and talk and cuddle and I can just bawl my eyes out.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

I am so sorry. I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Three months is way too young to be left for two nights. I'm very sorry you had to do that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If the fetus is growing outside your uterus, then the concern right now is your health more than anything. Take care of yourself.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Yes Elegirl is right. Any bad pain or bleeding, straight to the hospital.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

So sorry.
Thinking of you both
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sorry to hear, it must be hard sitting and waiting. Sending you virtual icecream and hugs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

So very sorry to hear this Created2write...just take time for yourself...maybe pick up a book at the Library on Miscarriage to wade through this at this time.....I hope you and your husband can talk about it.... grieve together...being your 1st... just makes it so much more difficult to go through...

You are beyond the Ectopic if it was *in* the tubes (that is generally up to 8 weeks along).... but if partly in the tubes and the uterus..the time frame is a little longer at 12 to 16 weeks... it's a very urgent thing - I would assume your next visit you will have more answers..and are under good care. 

So sorry . 



> Ectopic Pregnancy - Causes, Symptoms, Treatment, Diagnosis
> 
> 
> An ectopic pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg implants itself outside of the uterus. Ectopic pregnancies usually occur in a fallopian tube (called a tubal pregnancy). Occasionally, the egg may lodge itself in the ovary, and more rarely, in the cervical canal or the abdominal or pelvic cavities. The fertilized egg doesn't usually grow into a recognizable embryo and can't be transplanted into the uterus.....
> ...


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Sorry to hear this, very sad.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

How very sad. I'm so sorry.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Thanks again. Hubs and I are alone now. No nephew to watch. Man, having him over was the single worst thing that could happen the very weekend we find this all out. He was adorable and there were moments where I genuinely felt happy to have him there, but for the rest...the lack of sleep, the crying for no reason, changing his diapers every hour to two hours because he won't stop crying if there's any urine in his diaper, the fussing, the not being able to eat because the baby screams the moment you walk away...when the only thing I want to do is cuddle up to my husband and cry until I fall asleep. 

We're going to go dip into the pool and try to relax. I have a headache that feels like the front of my face is about to split open. No bleeding yet, though. I have had mild abdominal cramps since about a week after I found out I was pregnant but they haven't been severe. No worse than my period. If it gets worse, though, I definitely will go in to the hospital. 

And mable, I only got through this weekend by munching on ice cream.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I am so very sorry to hear this C2W, my thoughts are with you.

At 12 weeks during one of my pregnancies I had a missed miscarriage, it is a devastating thing to happen. Huge hugs to you and your DH.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Mine was at 12 weeks as well. You are right, Holland. It was devastating. 

C2W, if you opt to go through the miscarriage naturally, rather than a D&C, you will have increased cramping. You will also have heavier bleeding than you have with your periods. Yes, if it gets excessive, get to the ER immediately. Again, I am so sorry hon.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

I'm so sorry, honey! Big big BIG hugs to both of you today!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope he is wrong, C2W...


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear this CTW. Prayers and hugs to both of you that this turns out OK.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Wow, worst mother's day news ever..
Talk about bad timing!
Sorry to hear that.
I have never been through anything near this , but I know how much it meant to you.

May God grant you the strength and courage to come to terms and recover in one piece.
Best wishes to you and your husband in the future.

[ PS;_ Hope it does not affect your relationship negatively_.]


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

So sorry to hear this C2W. I've been through it twice and it is one of the most awful things a woman can go through. 

One of Mother Nature's compensations, puny though it is, is that after a MC, most women experience a period of heightend fertility. I conceived my son two weeks after my second MC. I understand that you and your DH tried so hard for this baby 

Once again, so sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

I can't imagine the pain you're going through right now. Others are right...take care of yourself. You will get through this. You and your husband have my prayers.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

C2W,

Never give up hope!

My wife was told the same thing about her pregnancy with our second child and he's now 19

She also had gone through 2 miscarriages before the birth of our first child


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I wasn't going to click on the "" face but now that I did... =/
Sh-t, was to be your first too wasn't it? 

I'm so sorry, but hang in there, not all hope is lost.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Yeah, it was our first. 

Hubs and I are doing well, as far as our relationship goes. We talked a lot last night and I feel like we're closer than before. 

For the other women here who've been through this, when you first found out about the possibility of miscarriage, did you start focusing on other things? Thinking up other goals/ambitions? I've been like, religiously dedicated to swimming everyday. And I've been thinking about going back to school, finishing my AA, and getting a certificate in phlebotomy. And I can't get either out of my mind...swimming and school. Which is hilarious, because I'm not a strong swimmer, and I've _never_ been interested in a medical job. 

It does feel good to have other goals to push toward. After this disappointment, it's nice to feel like life really does go one and hubs and I can still be really happy, even without a baby on the way.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I had a miscarriage and a still birth of twins in the 6th month.

I had no warning on either. The pain just started and I went to my doctor and ended up in the hospital immediately.

Good.. keep the swimming and school on your thoughts. Do not stop your normal activities. If you start to get pains... call your doc.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

C2W - I'm so sorry, my heart goes out to you and your husband.

I had no warning with my miscarriage - I'm not sure if it's easier or harder to know. I would think it might be a good thing for you to be able to focus on other things right now until you're ready to face all of the emotions that will come over you.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)




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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I'm feeling really motivated right now. Sad and emotionally...unsure, but still motivated. I'm a little over a year away from finishing my AA, and it's only that much because I need to review my math. And then the Clinical Lab Assistant Certificate will be another year. So...two years away from a job as a phlebotomist...sounds really awesome right now.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I'm sorry Created. My heart is with you.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

So, so sorry, C2W. Maybe, just maybe there will be a miracle.

My prayers are with you either way. Glad you and your hubby are comforting one another and that you have been able to take your mind off of it for right now.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

So sorry to hear this C2W. You're in my thoughts.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am so very sorry to hear this too. My thoughts are with you guys.


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## Lovinghusband32 (Dec 4, 2012)

You guys are in our prayers!


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Created2Write said:


> Yeah, it was our first.
> 
> Hubs and I are doing well, as far as our relationship goes. We talked a lot last night and I feel like we're closer than before.
> 
> ...


I remember a very similar experience making career goals after a miscarriage (but they were interrupted by another pregnancy).

So sorry for your and Jason's loss, C2W


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I've had the exact same type of miscarriage, CW2. It happened only a few years ago too. For me it was a surprise that I was even pregnant as we had not planned it. I've always found focusing on the future very helpful. I'm a person who makes to-do lists and bucket lists. Focusing on what I could do short-term and long-term always helps me to get my mind off current problems. Sometimes when something so huge happens to us, our minds go into this holding pattern where we can only think of that bad thing that happened. Exercising, focusing on things to do in the future..that gets me out of that pattern of thinking.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> I'm feeling really motivated right now. Sad and emotionally...unsure, but still motivated. I'm a little over a year away from finishing my AA, and it's only that much because I need to review my math. And then the Clinical Lab Assistant Certificate will be another year. So...two years away from a job as a phlebotomist...sounds really awesome right now.


I'm so very sorry to hear about your miscarriage, but it's great to be thinking about other goals and continuing on with everyday life. A phlebotomy job would be great and there are many openings for the position all over the place. Take care.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Thanks coffee and anonymous, and thank you again everyone. Still no word for sure about how things are going. I'm preparing myself for the worst, but hoping for the best. Either way, I have plans for the future and am taking strides to make those plans happen. My goal is that, within two and a half years, I'll have a job in phlebotomy.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm sorry. It's very hard to bear with a miscarriage. But you are young, so give yourself time to grieve (very important - don't skip that part) and try again.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> For the other women here who've been through this, when you first found out about the possibility of miscarriage, did you start focusing on other things? Thinking up other goals/ambitions? I've been like, religiously dedicated to swimming everyday. And I've been thinking about going back to school, finishing my AA, and getting a certificate in phlebotomy. And I can't get either out of my mind...swimming and school. Which is hilarious, because I'm not a strong swimmer, and I've _never_ been interested in a medical job.
> 
> It does feel good to have other goals to push toward. After this disappointment, it's nice to feel like life really does go one and hubs and I can still be really happy, even without a baby on the way.


Yes, it's quite normal to focus on the future, and on goals that you can definitely achieve - I don't know if that makes sense? What has happened is an unfair, freakish blow, and it naturally gives some women a sense of lost control (along with many, many other feelings). I remember thinking why me? Why couldn't I do this perfectly normal, functional thing? So, as soon as the process was "over" - like you I had an internal scan which showed no heartbeat - and they had done a D&C, and after I had done crying and crying and crying .. then I started planning all kinds of crap. Seriously. There was still lots of crying and sadness and grief, but I could see achievable things in my future that wouldn't be just snatched out of my hands the way that the pregnancy had been. 

I don't recall if I did any of those things that I planned, but I did - 8 years later or thereabouts - carry a pregnancy to full term, at the grand old age of 37, and that kid is now 13.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Firstly, hi Jane!! It's been a while since I last saw you here!



janefw said:


> Yes, it's quite normal to focus on the future, and on goals that you can definitely achieve - I don't know if that makes sense?


It makes perfect sense, and just answered the question that has been burning in my mind: why phlebotomy, and why _now_? After everything else I'd planned to do after my AA...personal trainer, teacher, nutritionist, back to personal trainer...Never have I thought of doing anything in the medical industry. But now I see why it popped into my mind: it's achievable. Only a year of schoolwork after my AA, and with my AA finished, a handful of the classes I need will already be done...I won't need a massive amount of student loans...It's something that I know I could do and be really good at...And there are a lot of places I could apply for work. 



> What has happened is an unfair, freakish blow, and it naturally gives some women a sense of lost control (along with many, many other feelings). I remember thinking why me? Why couldn't I do this perfectly normal, functional thing? So, as soon as the process was "over" - like you I had an internal scan which showed no heartbeat - and they had done a D&C, and after I had done crying and crying and crying .. then I started planning all kinds of crap. Seriously. There was still lots of crying and sadness and grief, but I could see achievable things in my future that wouldn't be just snatched out of my hands the way that the pregnancy had been.


Makes sense, tool...pursuing things I can control like swimming, my health and my education/career. 



> I don't recall if I did any of those things that I planned, but I did - 8 years later or thereabouts - carry a pregnancy to full term, at the grand old age of 37, and that kid is now 13.


Awesome.  Thank you so much for this post, Jane. Seriously. It means a lot. I haven't really _grieved_ yet as I still don't know for sure if we're going to lose the baby or not. I had a nightmare about it last night...so I'm really anxious, just sitting and waiting for the results from my latest blood test. So I'm in a kind of emotional limbo where I'm not sure what to feel. Your post really has helped me see beyond this situation. So, again, thank you.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I just started bleeding...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Oh sweetie....I hope your hubby is there with you.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

No, he's not. He's at work. He won't be home for a good two hours.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I just spoke to my husband. He's on his way home. For those who believe in prayer, I'm asking for you to pray. For those who don't, I'm asking for your thoughts. I am a mess. I had it together until my mom called, and then I just broke down. 

Thank you all for your kind words and support. <3


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You have my thoughts, my good wishes, and my hope for your strength to get through this. Damn those hormonal punches are just terrible sometimes!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I'm all about prayer....I'm on it now. Poor girl, hang in there.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

((((hugs))))

I hope you are doing ok. This is hard. The waiting and not knowing.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Oh honey, you have our prayers. *hugs* sweetie.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Thinking of you and your husband. I hope you're not alone now.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Please continue to support and care for one another. I'm sorry to hear this.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Thinking of you and your husband C2W, take care of each other.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I'm so sorry C2W.

Hopefully if you do have complications it won't happen but once. There's been plenty of women in my family who have miscarried and gone on to have between one and six kids. And I've had friends who've done the same now with their second and third children. 

Keep your head up, Dream Weaver


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Thanks everyone. The bleeding has turned to occasional spotting, so I'm not sure what it means...I'm going to contact the OBGYN office today.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Hang in there....let us know.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Thinking of you, C2W...


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## Sennik (Feb 15, 2011)

Created2Write said:


> OB said this pregnancy, more than likely, will end in a miscarriage.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I am truly sorry to hear this. Thoughts and prayers to both you and your husband. 

As a father who has lost a child to a miscarriage 14 years ago the pain is still there from time to time. I take solace knowing that in the not too distant future I'll get to meet him/her along with seeing other loved ones that went along before me, and in enjoying the three that *did* make it with no complications.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

It's a rotten deal, Created. My wife and I have been through it twice, and I know it's hard. There's hope, though. We have been blessed with several kids.

I'm sorry you're hurting.


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

I'm so sorry.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage. We had a heartbeat on the ultrasound and I had continued spotting. At the next ultrasound the heartbeat was gone. That little baby will forever have a special place in my heart, and I believe I will one day be pregnant again in heaven.

Whether the pregnancy was expected or not, it is a profound loss. Just wanted to share that I had three healthy babies after that miscarriage. I know it doesn't help ease the pain right now, but hope for the future always helps me recover. Said a prayer for you.


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

I am sorry you have to go through this. I had one nearly 2 years ago, and I know how much of an emotional rollercoaster it can be. It is very common early on and lots of women go through it. Doesn't make the pain any less, I know, but it helped me to remember that I wasn't alone in the experience. Take care.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I've had consistent bleeding. OB said that it definitely looks like we lost the baby. 

We're doing okay, though. Still grieving, but getting to a place of moving forward.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> I've had consistent bleeding. OB said that it definitely looks like we lost the baby.
> 
> We're doing okay, though. Still grieving, but getting to a place of moving forward.


Again really sorry to hear about this... Aloha.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I'm so sorry C2W.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

My heart goes out to you.... I'm so sorry.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I'm getting to where I'm ready for life to get back to normal. For a few days I barely ate anything at all, and now I'm back in the kitchen making yummy healthy food for hubs and I. And we're going to the gym today, for the first time in over a month, so I have things to look forward to. My allergies are KILLING me, but I'm hoping that'll change soon. 

Thanks again for your prayer, thoughts and well wishes. The situation has been really horrible, and it's not over just yet, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I'm so sorry created2write,

You know this could have all happened for the best too. You can slow down now and take time to get your life situated and "nest" for another baby, and really just enjoy yourself before complicating things and stressing your fairly new marriage. You're going to have a baby sometime, but later. You have the rest of your young adult life to live before you bring children into it. Write your books!


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

Wow, sorry this happened to you, C2W. Hope you and your husband are well and okay through this.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Thanks so much, Nsweet. That's what I keep telling myself: everything happens for a reason. I firmly believe that about everything in life, even the trials. There are so many things we want to do...I want to go back to school, I want to travel...so those are things my husband and I are really looking forward to.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Thinking of you and H.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Created2Write said:


> I've had consistent bleeding. OB said that it definitely looks like we lost the baby.
> 
> We're doing okay, though. Still grieving, but getting to a place of moving forward.


{{{HUG}}}


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

You know I was just thinking, this could be one of those situations that ends a potentially bad marriage before it's too late, or one that strengthens your marriage beyond all belief. If your husband can be there for you during the grieving process now and see you through these hard times, 'Husband of The Year'. And if you can show your support even though you're grieving and remember this when you're struggling later on, it's a match made in heaven.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

So so sorry to read this. Glad you are feeling a little more normal.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

My husband has been very supportive. He knows me really well. He's grieved with me, without wallowing in negativity. Which is a reminder I need, and am so grateful for. He's been patient and loving and helpful. I love him so much.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

We lost our third child this way. I don't know that we ever truly dealt with that.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I just saw this, C2W. I went through this exact thing at the same point in my pregnancy. I'm so sorry. I know how sad this is. Go easy on yourself, and know that your hormones (and the emotions that go with them) may remain wonky for a while. It's just part of the normal process. ((Hugs)) to you. 

If you're working and you're close to any of your co-workers or your supervisor, you might want to tell someone you trust, just in case you need a break once in a while. I was very lucky in that my boss and co-workers were very helpful to me. I hadn't told them I was pregnant, but when I was needing to go to extra appointments, and I was getting emotional, I thought I should tell someone. Actually found out that a couple of them went through it, too, so they were very understanding.

I don't know if this will help at all or not, but my Ob/Gyn told me that if an average woman isn't on birth control, it's very likely that she'll have a mis like this sometime in her life; and that many, many women do have one, and many don't even realize it, especially if they're not very regular. That there's no reason to believe you won't be able to conceive again because of it. 

I hope you and your H can be there for each other, and that you start feeling better soon.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> Thanks so much, Nsweet. That's what I keep telling myself: everything happens for a reason. I firmly believe that about everything in life, even the trials. There are so many things we want to do...I want to go back to school, I want to travel...so those are things my husband and I are really looking forward to.


You know what my chief, a father of 3, and his wife as well as 20-30 other fathers in the Navy and their wives told me after I married. They all said, "Wait!". Every single one of them told both my ex wife and I to wait and enjoy our 20s before thinking about kids. 

And these were couples in not only military marriages but submarine marriages. It's like the second highest divorce rate behind SEALS They were a little more honest than most parents and told me how they were miserable and wished they had waited to have kids, but managed to be happy, they also said they missed the quiet.:rofl: 

I have to say, I'm glad I took their advice because if I didn't I would have gone through a horrible custody battle with a controlling ex. And so divorce and not having a baby together was for the best.

You're what 26 or 27 from what you told me before? That's a perfect age to go through school, finish partying and drinking with your husband before you're forced to settle down, maybe take a few romantic vacations together, and just live it up. You're not planning on having a dozen kids are you? So you could wait and have a kid in your 30s and be one of those moms that doesn't look like they hate their own children, for ruining "what could have been".


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Nsweet said:


> You know what my chief, a father of 3, and his wife as well as 20-30 other fathers in the Navy and their wives told me after I married. They all said, "Wait!". Every single one of them told both my ex wife and I to wait and enjoy our 20s before thinking about kids.
> 
> And these were couples in not only military marriages but submarine marriages. It's like the second highest divorce rate behind SEALS They were a little more honest than most parents and told me how they were miserable and wished they had waited to have kids, but managed to be happy, they also said they missed the quiet.:rofl:
> 
> ...


I'm 24, husband is 25. And we don't party, but we do like our free time. I do like to drink, and so does he, but we do so usually with just the two of us. It's been ages since we've actually gone to the bar. lol. And no, we're not planning on having a dozen kids. Four, at the absolutely most.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Sending healing thoughts you way, C2W. Take it really easy at the gym, won't you? Your body's going through a lot.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I'm so sorry, sending hugs and more gym sabotaging icecream your way. I been eating plenty as my grandmother passed away last week on my birthday


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Didn't go to the gym. Tuesday I started bleeding really heavily with blood clots that were huge. I freaked out because no one told me that this was normal at the end of the miscarriage process...but I was fine. The bleeding seems to be nearly over at this point, and I'm feeling a lot more normal.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Glad to hear you're feeling more normal C2W. Is your doc having you go back in to see him/her in a day or two after this?

Take it easy during the recovery process, ok?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Keep hanging in there, C2W....keep focused on the positive and on your love for your husband. I'm sure he is also very affected. I hope you both have good support.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Oh God, C2W. I am so sorry. I obviously will never know what it's like to have a child slip away from my body, but I did lose a child at 18 to miscarriage, when I wasn't anywhere near ready to be a father, and yet I was still devastated.

You are in my prayers and my thoughts. I pray, eventually, your heart mends and your dreams of having children come true.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Yeah, we go back in three weeks to see the OB again. And they're still doing blood tests on me once a week to monitor my HCG levels until they're below 5,000 and also to make sure I don't have any infections. 

I'm taking it easy. We're going to the gym today(the bleeding has nearly stopped), but I'm only going to walk on the treadmill. I've been eating healthy and drinking a lot of water and I feel good physically. 

We're moving into a house this fall, and I start school again in the winter, so I'm really excited about the future. And my husband has been SO supportive. I love him so much.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Keep hanging in there, C2W....keep focused on the positive and on your love for your husband. I'm sure he is also very affected. I hope you both have good support.


We have great support. My parents and his parents have been there for us every step of the way. I love them all very much. I'm blessed to have a great relationship with my MIL and FIL. I call them mom and dad.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

So sorry to hear about this, Mrs C2W. I am praying for your speedy recovery.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

So, things seem to be getting back to normal. The heavy bleeding with clots is mostly over, the really bad cramps aren't as consistent. I'm still really tired and don't have much energy, but I've been getting my appetite back and each day I have more energy than the day before. I've been spending time reading, which I love more than any other pass time, and I'm really enjoying that. Feels more normal. And I'm getting things ready for school in winter term 2014. 

Oh! And, something super fun, hubs and I are planning a trip to Scotland in about a year and a half, and I am super excited about that. I've never been outside of the USA, not to Canada or Mexico or anything, and the UK is someplace I've been dying to see since I first read Jane Austen. So, I am excited out of my mind. I have a lot to look forward to. I'm getting inspiration to write some more, which I haven't had in months, and I feel like life is getting back on track. 

I'm still struggling with feeling guilty over the miscarriage. It took about two weeks before I realized that I blamed myself for what happened, and since then it's been one heck of a rollercoaster ride of emotions trying to let it all go. I'm not there yet. But I'm getting closer.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

It takes time - don't force it any faster. I had times of relief thinking it was for the best and times of guilt for feeling that way. It was hard to see babies at times too.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

It's not your fault C2W, you know that. 

You're body just wasn't ready to have a baby so soon, but you did get pregnant in the first place which means you can do it again. To be honest with you I think it's better that it happened this way instead of getting all the way through to delivery and finding out you gave birth to a stillborn or a baby that died of SID. That would just be too heartbreaking. 

I can't exactly know what you're going through and I can't pretend to, but I know how you're going to hurt for a while, there's no doubt about that. The only thing I can tell you from first hand experience with soul crushing depression is to stay with that feeling and explore your own emotions, maybe write down what you're feeling or record your thoughts on a voice recorder. 

Don't try to bury your feelings in other distractions, you'll be the better able to help yourself if you keep working on those feeling and try to find out exactly why you're depressed. Is it disappointment in not living up to some goal you had your heart set on, or is it some form of self hatred for not being "perfect"? Only you can tell, and btw it's going to take several attempts to go over and over what you're feeling until you reach that "Aha!" moment.

Also when you stick with your depression and give yourself the freedom to feel sad without feeling bad about it, it's kind of freeing. You take away your depressions power over you and realize it's going to pass when you're ready and you have complete control over it. You won't feel like sh!t for crying indoors on a beautiful day when you realize "Hey, I can be as sad as I want or as happy as I want. I'm right either way!".

Then eventually you'll reach the "Moment Of Clarity" where you feel fine for a few moments, when you reach that summit take note of everything you have to be appreciative for. You're a beautiful woman with a good man that's been there with you the whole time, and you have a gift for writing that I haven't seen in a while. If you wanted too you could write volumes over this and..... OMG that's it! 

You can use this tragedy to your advantage and pour your heart into your writing. Create a masterpiece that moves others so well and brings your audience to tears and joyful bliss as you recover and your story develops. It's better to work on it now before you lose it, at least developing characters and plot summaries, but you'll still be able to connect with that feeling later. 

You're going to be ok C2W. And FYI, my grandparents with to Scotland a couple years ago on one of their annual trips around the world. It's very pretty with lots of cool old structures and castles, but also chilly.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Nweet, thank you. You're awesome. This last weekend I bought a beautiful journal specifically for my feelings, secret thoughts and pains, poetry, etc. One thing this experience has definitely given me is a new found desire to write, and to express myself through the written word. It's been difficult because I bawl every time I sit to write something, but it's also offered me a sense of clarity about why I feel what I feel. I actually have a short story running around in my mind that parallels this experience.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> Nweet, thank you. You're awesome. This last weekend I bought a beautiful journal specifically for my feelings, secret thoughts and pains, poetry, etc. One thing this experience has definitely given me is a new found desire to write, and to express myself through the written word. It's been difficult because I bawl every time I sit to write something, but it's also offered me a sense of clarity about why I feel what I feel. I actually have a short story running around in my mind that parallels this experience.


Good! Write it, write everything you can and pour your hear into it. Use this experience to boost your creativity and either write something you can send out now, or keep it with you and use that for inspiration in the future. I'm thinking you could write something like "Are you there God, It's me Margret" with your experiences losing a child and the experiences of several other women. It's not a bad way to go to say what you have to say and try to help others. That's also part of the 180, helping others. 

I also didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to offend you, but you are going to be so beautiful after this. Not that you aren't now. Think about it, no more strange cravings or weight gain, no breastfeeding so they stay the same, and no stress eating or sleepless nights with the baby crying. So you could actually bounce back physically very quickly and even plan ahead on fitness and diet for your next pregnancy. You get what I'm saying?


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> OB said this pregnancy, more than likely, will end in a miscarriage.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Sorry to hear that. My wife and I had 2 miscarriages, the last one happening right before Christmas. Merry fu&%!ng Christmas.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Nsweet said:


> Good! Write it, write everything you can and pour your hear into it. Use this experience to boost your creativity and either write something you can send out now, or keep it with you and use that for inspiration in the future. I'm thinking you could write something like "Are you there God, It's me Margret" with your experiences losing a child and the experiences of several other women. It's not a bad way to go to say what you have to say and try to help others. That's also part of the 180, helping others.


I would love to write something that other women could be blessed by, whether it be a fictional parallel to this experience, or more of a non-fiction kind of story, or just a bunch of ramblings of my feelings, thoughts, struggles, conclusions, and triumphs. Poetry has always been kind of my fallback for when I'm feeling a lot of emotions, but don't know how to express those feelings in prose. 

I've also rededicated myself to reading more. It calms me, soothes me, and inspires me to write. 



> I also didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to offend you, but you are going to be so beautiful after this. Not that you aren't now. Think about it, no more strange cravings or weight gain, no breastfeeding so they stay the same, and no stress eating or sleepless nights with the baby crying. So you could actually bounce back physically very quickly and even plan ahead on fitness and diet for your next pregnancy. You get what I'm saying?


Thanks.  I totally get it. I've already lost a few pounds, and with how physically taxing the miscarriage process was, I definitely want to be as healthy and strong as possible before trying to have another baby. I also want to be emotionally and mentally and spiritually healthy, and while I'm making progress in those areas, I'm not there just yet. Hubs and I might be going to the gym tonight, and I'm excited to sweat.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

coupdegrace said:


> Sorry to hear that. My wife and I had 2 miscarriages, the last one happening right before Christmas. Merry fu&%!ng Christmas.


 I'm so sorry to hear that!


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> I would love to write something that other women could be blessed by, whether it be a fictional parallel to this experience, or more of a non-fiction kind of story, or just a bunch of ramblings of my feelings, thoughts, struggles, conclusions, and triumphs. Poetry has always been kind of my fallback for when I'm feeling a lot of emotions, but don't know how to express those feelings in prose.
> 
> I've also rededicated myself to reading more. It calms me, soothes me, and inspires me to write.


Don't be so quick to rule yourself out before you've written anything. I've seen books written by women for women that were mostly handwritten letters, internet posts, and drawings with every grammatical error left intact. I remember one about anorexia that included everything high school girls had to say, from how ugly they felt despite being told they were pretty, to losing teeth and hair, etc. It wasn't writing itself that made it so powerful, it was the real life experience you get from reading it. 

Have you considered joining any groups for grieving and loss of children? I know they're out there, usually they're held in churches or places you can meet for free (with donation of course). I'm thinking you could go there once or twice, get a few numbers from other women for support, and talk with them daily or several times a week. Get yourself a support network and female friends who can do more than sympathize, ones who can empathize and help you one on one directly.


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