# What's my purpose in life?? Kinda long sorry.. worth the read...



## f'nidiotneedshelp (Feb 1, 2009)

I screwed up my marriage. I screwed up my standing in church. I screwed up being a good example for my kids. I have ruined our business. I have put us in financial ruin; I over spent and spent on things I never should have including prostitutes. I have possibly cost us our home, our vehicles and any future happiness. My wife says she loves me; she wants me here and wants our marriage to work. She honestly feels that it would be easier for her to move on without me, yet she tells me she wants me here. I'm confused, lost, hurt, and feeling hopeless. I'm not going to give up; I will continue to fight for this marriage for as long as it takes. How do I show her that? How do I show her it is only her that I want to be with? How do I get her to start trusting again? She has full access to my cell phone bill and records. I have cancelled my alternate email addresses that I had, and the only other accounts that I have are this and facebook, she has access to these as well. We have the joint email addresses now and she obviously has access there as well. 

I cheated on her, I lied to her. I lied about stupid things, and then I cheated. Why did I cheat? I don't know fully... I was financially failing us, I felt like a failure to her, a failure to my kids. I was on a jobsite where there was a 17 year old girl. She was continuously flirting with my guys and I, I made innocent comments, whereas my employees made not so innocent ones. I was walking into the house one day... she says "if you want through here you have to go through me" I placed my hands on her back and moved her out of my way. I found out soon after from the project manager that the family intended on filing charges on me for touching their daughter. Now I was really in a panic. Not only am I a failure to my wife and kids, now I'm going to have a criminal record. I knew, or thought I did, that when my wife found to about the charges, she was going to leave. I gave up hope. My foreman was bringing porn to work regularly, making comments about the girls. I started searching different things online, found escorts. I met with 2 of them. One gave me oral sex, and I just talked with the other one. She asked what I needed or wanted, I said just to talk, she asked "why not sex", I said "I love my wife, I can't do that". I told her my situation, and my feelings. She tried to convince me to talk to my wife. I didn't feel I could do that. I have a hard time communicating with those I love. I don't know why, I guess it's because in the past when I have, it has always ended up with negative results. I felt I was already in the most negative position I could be in, now I have lost myself respect too. 

My wife and I split up for 2 months. We got back together and decided we could reconcile. Now a month and a half, many good and bad days, later she says she thinks it would be easier to go on without me. She says she loves me, wants me here and wants our marriage to work, then she writes on a piece of paper that she's frustrated and that it seems like it would be easier for her to move on without me. What do I do? How do I do things better? I want her to know I love her. I want her to know I want to be here. I want her to see me be a good example for the kids. Tonight while I was cooking dinner she went to our room and was texting a guy she slept with on an NSA agreement (while we were separated). This really upset me; I went back to the kitchen without another word to finish dinner. Her comment was that she just wanted to see if he had any luck at the bar last night, "besides we haven't been getting along today so...” She is right it was a rough day, finances are killing us, we haven't had a job come in since Nov. we are both over stressed and at the end of our rope. We have been bickering all day; what to sell, what to keep, why should we sell that, why should we keep this? etc. "Besides we haven't been getting along today so..." What the hell? I have been ok with her talking to this guy because their conversations are always about him, his job or some new girl he met, never anything about them. Now tonight she doesn't know if she can ever trust me or fully love me again due to what I have done, I'm hurting inside as is. Now I hurt more. I started smoking again before we separated, after quitting for 3 years or so. I'm trying to quit again. I went from a pack or more per day to 2 cigarettes total per day. Can't seem to fully quit. Now she says since I have that "crutch" to fall on for my stress she is going to start going for a drink once a week so she has a "crutch" herself.

What do I do? How do I do it? What is my purpose in life? Am I a destined loser? Am I destined to be a failure? Am I destined to be unhappy? Someone please help me with the answers to this, I'm lost...


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

You have made some serious mistakes not only with your marriage but also with your life. Good news though, you are admitting you have some issues. That's the first step to getting help. Go see your doctor. Get a referral to a good psychologist or therapist. It's going to be a long road. Changes don't happen overnight. If you are truly sorry and want a happy future you'll heal yourself emotionally. Actions speak louder than words. Best of luck to you.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Wow a heavy read. I'm no angel but i'll say that you need to heal your marriage and strengthen the family unit first of all. Sounds like it is hanging by a thread. You need to take inventory on your life and your behaviors. Ever hear the saying: "If you keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting what you are getting?" we all are how we behave, I believe that. Replace an undesirable behavior with a more positive one. 

You've got an unhealthy sex addiction with lying and thieving STD infested *****s you need to over come right now and stop that.

You need to quit smoking because you want to first of all, your health, and the cost can't be helping you at all either. I tried patches and gums and Chantix but finally quit because I had every reason to not smoke and no valid reason to smoke any longer. You have to go through the withdrawl, it is tough but it will make you stronger. And if you gain weight, so be it, lose it later. I spent 5 nights sleeping on the couch coughing up junk and clearing my lungs, it was tough but you can do it. 

Take stock in your behaviors and impulses. Give yourself time to think over everything you do before you do it and weigh the long term consequences against the immediate gratification. Everytime you do this and choose the smarter behavior, you are putting one brick in the foundation of your new life. 

Good luck....

Martino


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Also visit: whyquit.org


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## f'nidiotneedshelp (Feb 1, 2009)

Thank you for your replies... I plan to see a psychologist... my wife has found a good psychologist that specializes in sex addiction, not positive that it's my issue, but it is a possibility. I am working on quitting my smoking issue, I'm doing pretty good I think but she still gets irritated if I say I need one. I understand that it is a nasty habit, but I have to work on breaking it and I don't feel any support from her on it, I just feel pressured that I need to quit or she won't be happy... I guess that should be motivation enough... I am going to talk to her a bit about this, I think that with her support after the smokes I have left I should be able to quit... I just need more support than frustration or anger about it. Am I wrong in this?


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## f'nidiotneedshelp (Feb 1, 2009)

I guess I can't blame anyone for not supporting me if I don't know what kind of support I need to help me to quit... I guess I just need to see my Dr. when I get some money and I'll see what kind of self help things I can find on my own to give up the habit.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Your wife has posted on here before. Can you get her to come back? Maybe have a dialogue?


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

F'in, 

Please read carefully since I took the time.

The problem is that you are leaning on your wife to help you quit smoking and now your doctor as well. Your wife can give you the verbal support and your doctor can give you support and medication. In the end it comes down to a negative habit that you and only you have to over come by yourself. That's what I learned any way. 

The book I read (can't remember name) showed two bar graphs. One was very short and it showed a man and a cigarette on top of the short bar graph that was only 5 minutes in length. It said something like: "Man desires short term reinforcement, so he grabs the cigarette and smokes it. 

Then the next graph was much bigger it showed a man at the beginning and a long graph, it showed that by not smoking over years the man is reaping all the benefits of LONG TERM REINFORCEMENT. Over years of not smoking the graph was filled with benefits like: healthier heart, lungs, circulation, reduced cancer risk, better control of himself, smell better, look better, thosands of dollars saved, relatives not getting second hand smoke, teeth being whiter, reduced chances of eye problems. I really saw the light. 

Quit now and spend $200.00 a month (or more) on yourself that you would have thrown away on cigarettes as a reward for yourself. Quit right now, not tomorrow. Don't do it because you HAVE TO, or you should do it...quit because smoking sucks and is a disgusting habit. Cigarettes are not your friend when you crave then smoke, you are only feeding the addiction. You will have to break the dependancy all by yourself cold turkey. 

-Martino


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

Hey there...I'm the wife (for those of you who don't know).

So here is my take...no I am not supportive of his habit in anyway. It is a blatant reminder to me of everything he has done to destroy our marriage. We had morals... standards... some very strict ones. He was in complete agreement with all of those morals and standards...at least as far as I knew. And then he went off the deep end...completely crazy in my mind. And now every time he wants to smoke leaves me and the kids at home, even just for the 5 or 10 mins it takes, so he can go indulge in his habit, it reminds me of everything that has happened. He comes back smelling like smoke...but happy and relaxed, and I think he is happier in that whole lifestyle. The lifestyle he chose over me and the children...the lifestyle he cannot have if he wants to be with me. 

I'm probably putting way too much weight on the smoking, but these are my feelings. I am still hurting so bad from everything that has happened...still feel like giving up sometimes....he should be helping me...bandaging my wounds...not the other way around. I will be as supportive as possible, and as long as I see improvement, I am all about encouraging him and cheering him on. But I cannot put on a cheery face when I kiss him and I smell the smoke on his breath. I cannot sincerely say, "Have a good smoke! See you in a bit!" It would be fake...I am disappointed every time the cigarette wins the 5 minutes instead of me. 

He was able to go from a pack a day to 2 a day, immediately when he cam back to me. Woohoo!!! Yeah!!! I was stoked! But now it has been a month and a half at two a day, with no signs of stopping!? Isn't it time to cut down to 1 a day for a couple weeks, then half, then a couple drags...till it's pointless and then stop!? I have never smoked...so I'm sure some of you read this and say I am being naive for thinking this way....I just want to see this sacrifice on his part, and a total and complete commitment back to me and our values.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Ok now that you are both here. I am not on either ones side. I am on your marriages side. First off, are either of you in contact with any other OM or OW outside of your marriage? Needs help, this is probably easier for you, since your outside relationships were that you basically used people without having a relationship. GROW THE F UP. You are an adult not a child. You obviously screwed up your last marriage. What, are going for round two? I want you to think of this. I want you to imagine your life backwards. Imagine you were 65 years old. And that you were remembering your life. What do you want that picture to look like. A series of meaningless ONS or a committed love relationship with someone that you've had a lifetime of joy and sorrow with (because you will have both). One where you look at your wife, someone you love so much that you no longer can tell where you end and she begins. Someone that you are so close with, that the most frightening thing you can think of, is her not next to you till the day you die. Someone you respect so much that she is the first person you ask an opinion of before you make any major decision above the importance of what brand of toothpaste you buy. Someone you think of before you do anything that would in anyway make her think less of you. Or would jeopardize any amount of closeness you have achieved over your life together. Someone you love so much. That material things such as possessions mean nothing in comparison to her happiness. 

The way you're going now your wife will hate you, and your kids will hate you. They will be much more likely to be crappy fathers and people if they follow your example, as you are now. Do you want them following in the footsteps you left so far? Kids of broken families are more likely to drop out, drink and do drugs, have sex earlier, and have babies out of wedlock. Is that a memory you want? And regarding the smoking, make a frigging statement to your wife of your commitment and quit it. Chew gum and exercise. Every time you get the urge do push ups and sit ups. She will be much more impressed with a six pack on the outside of your belly rather then inside it.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Now for you raising5boys,

Excuse me, but I must have missed the post where you came clean on having sex with some other guy while you are married to needs help. Since I didn't know, allow me to comment on that first. WTF were you thinking. One of you rolling in the gutter wasn't enough? His model of how to conduct his life was what you were shooting for? Was it revenge? And don't pull the crap that you were separated. That is BS. Until you sign the divorce papers, die, or bury his sorry a$$. You are a wife and a mother. Notice I didn't say HIS wife. Because at this point, the scumbag doesn't deserve to call you that. But the fact is YOU ARE A WIFE AND MOTHER. That was a position of honor you held, regardless of how needshelp conducted himself. You had the high ground. But you got needy, took your eye off the ball and crapped on your side of the marriage too. You were the adult in this situation.

So now you're getting marriage advice from the guy you cheated on your husband with. And enjoy letting him tell you about his latest conquests at the bar. At this point your husband can't really say jack to you other then how much it hurts him. He has no moral authority at this point. But I'll say it. End it now! I don't care if you think he has been a source of strength and support to you. If he was a real friend. He would have never had sex with you. He is an outside influence that is helping to destroy your marriage. You and him have willingly made a cuckold of your husband and created another mountain to get over in reconciling your marriage. I know you are interested in how well he does in picking up girls in bars and having sex with them. You should be more interested in how many girls he had sex with before he did you. Oh by the way, did you and your husband ever get tested for STDs? Or are you rolling the dice on that one too? 




It's time to cut bait or fish. Either you guys are serious about being together or not. You need to look at the faces of your children and ask yourselves if this is what they deserve. Is this what you want for their lives. YOU ARE THE MODELS FOR THEIR FUTURE MARRIAGES. THEIR ONLY MODELS. IS THIS THE TYPE OF MARRIAGE YOU WOULD CHOOSE FOR THEM? BECAUSE ITS WHAT THEY WILL BASE THEIRS ON. YOU NEED TO START HAVING THE TYPE OF MARRIAGE YOU WOULD WANT THEM TO MODEL THEIRS AFTER. ENOUGH JERRY SPRINGER. GET SERIOUS!

Maybe you two need to lose everything to find each other. Maybe starting over from scratch will allow you to do it right this time. A new beginning. A second chance. Any and every material thing in this life can be replaced. Aside from the love of God, the only thing that either of you will take with you when you die is the love that you have for each other and for your family. Live your life like that is the most important thing. Because it is.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

Thank you Initfortheduration. Some very wise words...for both of us. 

Of course I am going to defend myself a bit. I didn't say anything about my fling for several reasons. H (husband) said he wasn't upset about it since we were separated, and not just separated, but we were not even legally allowed to be speaking at that point in time. This has not been the typical separation where there is still communication. For over two months, not one word had been said by him as far as I'm sorry..or I still love you...or anything other than me hearing about his girlfriends from others and him flaunting his new loves on myspace. Him living, and sleeping, with his ex-wife....and taking my son there which he knew I would object to vehemently as her house is filthy and unsafe. I had gone out on a limb twice previously, and broken the restraining order. The first time, to check on my son when he was visiting his dad. My son was sick and away from his mother for the first time in 3 years...I felt I would rather face a judge and defend my position then worry about my son over the weekend. The second time was to ask for help with a broken water pipe that he had installed. My water had to be shut off at the street until I could get it fixed...so I called asking how to fix the pipe, and all I got was, "Call my lawyer if you need something, or call a plumber." My point is that if he was so upset over loosing me...why was there absolutely no effort to fix anything? I opened the door by breaking the restraining orders, why couldn't he, if he was so regretting what he did, just say someting, do something to make my life easier, anything?!? In my mind, it was because he was happy with his choices and had moved on. I was dying inside. The OM had nothing to do with my H other than I was destroyed and yes, I got needy, and had those needs met. The OM is this situation is truly nothing more than friends. We had talked for about a month and a half as strictly friends. He came to my house to do some work for me. There was a mutually attraction, and after the kids went to bed and went to asleep, things happened. I was wanting to be physical with a man for several reasons. I was looking for validation sexually. When H left, I read every email sent to other woman and the prostitutes asking for sex...saying he wasn't satisfied at home...saying his sex life at home was lacking...well, that had an impact on me. And aside from that, the bottom line is, I was horny as hell. After 13+ years of having sex 5-7 times a week, then nothing for2months,I gave into my carnal desire (toys can only satisfy for so long! ). Was it wrong for me to be with someone else? Yes...no doubt in my mind....were there reasons? Yes. I wanted a confidence boost, and I got it. The one definite benefit from doing what I did with the OM, is that I now believe my H when he says, ”It was just sex, there were no feelings.” Up until that night with the OM, I could never wrap my mind around the idea. I couldn’t comprehend it. Now I know it can be true, as I did it. But, let me tell you, sex without meaning is so much less enjoyable than making love to the one you truly love. 

I’m not proud of what I did. I lowered my standards, and now I have to face the consequences and guilt of that. I have no problem not talking to the OM. I usually only talk to him once a week via a few texts. He is nothing more to me than a casual friend. We don’t discuss anything about life, feelings, or anything else of meaning. It was a FWB (friends with benefits) situation, not a NSA one night stand thing. But even at that, the friendship was nothing more that casual. No deep meaning or connection. He was not a sense of support. He was just someone to chit chat with about nothing when I was lonely while my H was gone. Not a problem to stop. Consider it done.

As far as STD’s. I have been checked. Came back clean…and to be honest I was surprised based on what my H had done. He has not been checked, and I have been stupid enough to sleep with him unprotected since he came back. After 4+ years with him unprotected, it’s not easy to get used to that idea, and now I guess it’s too late if there are any concerns. I have been asking him to go in, but he is using money as an excuse (even though he can still buy those damn cigarettes!). 

Thank you again Initfortheduration. I really appreciate your perspective and input.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

raising5boys, because your husband said he doesn't have a problem with what you did with your friend, and now that you agree with him that what he has done is only sex. It says 3 things about your marriage. Neither of you respect it. Neither of you value it. Neither of you believe that it is anything special. What exactly are you trying to save? You have came back with a defense for your actions. Here is a question I want you to answer to yourself. Who's defending your marriage? You have justified your actions because you usually had sex 5 to 7 times a week. I am sure your vows had a caveat in them that allowed for adultery if you go without sex for 2 months. Can you please e-mail all of the wives of our military and let them know that they are now allowed to commit adultery because they have gone without sex for 6 months to a year. 

You said that you did not come out with the information about your ONS (because that is what it is, unless of course you cheat with him again) because..........(paste all your excuses here). If I may (and I hope for the sake of your marriage you can agree with what I am saying), you didn't mention it because you were completely crushed with shame and sorrow over what you did. The next morning did you look in the mirror at yourself, cover your face with your hands and weep? Or was it just another day? You tell me. Because if it was just another day, your heart is so incredibly calloused that your marriage will never, NEVER be what you desire. 

Let me explain what the proper response is. You couldn't sleep all night. You were completely racked with guilt. You couldn't believe that you could sink so low. The first thing you need to do is go and find your husband (It doesn't matter where he is or even what he may act like) You find him and fall on his shoulder with tears streaming down your face. You cannot breath well enough to speak in short sentences. you finally get it all out. His response (or what it should be) is that his tears start streaming down his face. And you are holding each other so tight that his tears fall on your face and start mixing with your tears. He confesses to you about how horrible a husband he has been and says that it should be him asking for your forgiveness. That because of his actions he has driven you into the arms of another man. You hold each other tighter. You can't let go of one another because if you do you know you would just start spinning out into space alone. You both finally get up the courage to look in each others eyes. You are expecting to see only hate. But you are surprised, because the only thing in his eyes looking back at you is love. That is what I wish for you. That is what I hope will burn the callous on your heart away. You may read this and think. What an incredible bunch of emotional crap. I hope not. Because If the outcome was tears of sorrow and forgiveness, I would say you have a chance. I'll be praying that's what happens for you.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

ugh...I should be getting ready for school, but I feel like I need to respond to this now. 

I am not saying that what I did was right in anyway...I am not saying that what he did or what I did was just have sex. I am saying that I could not comprehend before that night that is was even possible to have sex with someone and walk away without feelings. I know now, that a person can have sex and no feelings for the other person. You want to know how I was feeling...deep down inside? As I kissed that other man, I kept thinking of how bad I wanted it to be my husband I was kissing...as I had sex with that other man, I though of how much I missed my husband, I thought of how pointless it was to be doing what I was doing...I didn't enjoy that night....I forced myself into that night in hopes that I would feel something for someone else....that maybe if I felt something...anything for anyone else, I would stop loving my husband so much, that perhaps I would stop hurting so badly. After the deed with that man, I asked him to please do me a favor...I hated the idea of what I just did....I asked him to please just lay down on the bed and hold me. I could not stand the idea of just having sex and him leaving. He held me....in the same exact position my husband used to...and as he talked and rambled about nothing...I blocked out his voice and imagined it was my husband holding me. I cried silently and the man who was holding me was oblivious to my feelings. I wanted my husband...only my husband. The next morning....as I looked in the mirror, I thought what the hell did I do? Was that all a dream? Did I really do that? And the only thing that convinced me it did happen was the pain I felt...and the indescribable longing for my husband. I proceeded on with my day...I went to church, like every other Sunday....I was an emotional wreck. Everyone who saw me just assumed it was like every other Sunday when I was crying about the end of my marriage, and the loss of my husband. No one knew that this time is was for the loss of myself, and my values. 

As for the possibility of me telling my husband...that next day, was one of the days that my husband was out at his ex-wifes house with our son. I had already tried various times to talk to him (as I stated in the last post)....I did not believe contacting him with a confession was an option. Ironically, it was the very next night that we mutually broke the restraining orders, and the part in your last post about clinging to each other with a death grip, crying, confessing, apologizing...ect was almost exactly how it went. I never thought I would hear an apology from him, and I did. I saw the hurt and regret in his eyes. But even at that....I was the one who asked to talk that night, I was the one who put my arms around him, I was the one who kissed him and cried, followed by his crying. It was the first time in months that I even had a clue that he cared at all for me. It was the first time he expressed any sorrow at all over what he had done. It took me until the next day to tell him about the OM. I was embarrassed, ashamed, full of regret...I was still wondering if it was all real, or if it was just a dream. You have to believe that I hold marriage very highly. I should not of done what I did. Period. I did not think there would ever be a chance for my husband and I. As for the bit about the military wives. I would never cheat on my spouse just because he was gone and I couldn't have sex with him. I felt that all promises had been broken already. I didn't feel there was anything left to be committed to. If I had *ANY* hope that my marriage could be saved, I would of done anything and everything to save it. I had *NO* hope at all. I had no reason to hope. I am completely contrite and regretful of what I did with the OM. But there are contributing factors. The bottom line is...I was not strong enough...I put myself in a very bad situation when I knew what the most likely outcome would be. I was wrong, and I do and will continue to regret that decision.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I hope you weren't late for school. Thank you for sharing. I know it must have been painful for you. Often we are our own worst enemy. But I am encouraged on your part by what you have said.

Regarding needs. He started out this thread asking what his purpose in life is. I can answer that. To glorify God. That's it. That's what he and you were created for. Is there a men's group at your church? What your husband needs since he has reconciled with you (at least by what he writes). Is to reconcile with God. He needs to be involved in a men's group at church, where he can be held accountable for loving God and loving you.
God can redeem any situation. In fact he promises it. Romans 8:28 says "God causes ALL things to work together for good for those that love him. Those called according to his purpose" That means if you love the Lord. That even your adultery WILL be used for good by him. In fact based upon the contrition I've read in both your writings. I can see it all ready happening. Your husband has tried running his life up to now. How's that working for him? Please get him into a committed men's group. And bible study. I think if he truly turned his life over to God. That he has an incredible plan for you both. God bless you.


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## f'nidiotneedshelp (Feb 1, 2009)

Thank you init for the input... I am a member of a mens group at our church, I have plenty of support for my addiction. I just to get it into my head that I can quit this nasty habit. I have made a promise to my wife that when I finish the pack I am on that I will not pick up another one. I am going to become more active with my family. Doing more things outdoors, hiking, walking, things like that. I plan to find something that will keep me from wanting to pick this habit up again. I refuse to see myself in this place in my life ever again. I have inflicted much hurt, pain and heartache on everyone, including myself, and I refuse to do that again as well. My family is too important to me. I have acted very childish over the last few months, very selfish, I know this, and I am changing it. My wife found out about a good psychologist for me to see, I plan to see her when I get out next month. In case you haven't heard because of the charges that were placed on me I have to do 45 days. It's going to be VERY hard for me to be away from the family again, at least this time everyone will know where I am and that I DO love my wife and my family, and that I AM coming home afterwards. I think that if I put my mind to it, and with the support of my wife I can move forward without touching smokes again. I want my wife and kids to be happy with me being here. I know that this smoking habit I have is putting a wedge on our relationship, I have to give it up. I will have more time in the future with my family if I stop it now... it's hard though. It gives me a bit of a release from everyday stress... maybe if I give it up it will release a bit of it at home... I hope. My wife hates me smoking, my kids don't like it, I don't like it. Ya know what... I'm done... I'm not going to finish what I have.. I want her to see that she is important enough to me that I can give them up. I want her to know how bad I want to make her happy.... giving them up now will help to prove that... there's plenty of other junk food habits I can pick up instead.... my smokes are going in the garbage as soon as I finish this post. Thank You INIT for your insight and input... it is much appreciated.... and since I know my wife is going to read this this next sentence is for her.... BABY I LOVE YOU, I'M SORRY FOR THE HURT, PAIN AND HEARTACHE I HAVE CAUSED YOU AND THE BOYS.... FROM HERE ON OUT AND FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU AND THE BOYS.... I'M TRULY SORRY FOR EVERYTHING, BARE WITH ME AS I WORK THROUGH MY TROUBLES AND PROVE TO YOU THAT YOU ARE MY LIFE....


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Your recommitting is exciting. You have 45 days to clean up. Forget the junk food. 45 days of exercise can do a lot for you. It takes doing something 16 times to make it a habit. Start running, push up, sit ups. Focus on developing a program that you can continue when you get home. It will help relieve some of that stress from quitting smoking. Your wife must love you very much. Please be good to each other.


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## f'nidiotneedshelp (Feb 1, 2009)

Initfortheduration said:


> Your recommitting is exciting. You have 45 days to clean up. Forget the junk food. 45 days of exercise can do a lot for you.



I think you didn't get what the 45 days was about... I have to serve 45 days in the city jail for assault 4. Granted I only have to serve 2/3 of that but still. That's where the 45 days comes into play.. we don't get to do excercise or anything like that... just have a TV and whatever books I take in with me... but definately gives me time to forget about the habit... I know when I get out I won't have the urge to pick up another smoke.. I am grateful for the chance that I have to work on our marriage that's for sure... I DO have a special lady here... I plan to keep her forever and to cherish her with everything that I have...


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I think that we are all still trying to figure out what we are supposed to do with our lives right?


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## iwillsurvive (Mar 4, 2009)

sunflower said:


> I think that we are all still trying to figure out what we are supposed to do with our lives right?


So true. It's like everything that was our life is now not there or is tainted by what has happened, so we are sitting in this new place, with all these new emotions: hurt, fear, anger, insecurity, etc. and saying "Now what?". 

Even as we try to work through things I still feel myself saying that and wondering if it's the right decision. I can only hope that as we both keep working through things that eventually some of the painful parts pass and some of the better moments come in and make me see that the work we are doing means progress. I keep having hope that through all this that we come to love each other more and do everything to keep anything of this sort out of our marriages forever.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Even as we try to work through things I still feel myself saying that and wondering if it's the right decision. I can only hope that as we both keep working through things that eventually some of the painful parts pass and some of the better moments come in and make me see that the work we are doing means progress. I keep having hope that through all this that we come to love each other more and do everything to keep anything of this sort out of our marriages forever.[/QUOTE]

Oh you so hit it right on I feel that way to always thinking if he had feeling or admited that he did should I stay? Is that bad is there a differance in thinking you liked them or a crush vs love?


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

He is going on day 4 with no ciggerettes!!! I am so excited!!! I am so proud of him! I know this is hard for him, but it truly is helping me feel his love and commitment to us. It is something that is so visible and tangible...more than just words and promises for the future. A sacrifice for us that he has to think about make a constant effort about. 

Yeah for him!!! Yeah for us!!! Keep it up baby!!!


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I'm an ex smoker. Bench marks are 3 days 3 weeks 3 months. As I said exercise is the key. He may not be able to run. But he can do push ups and sit ups till he drops. Good luck


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

ya you all better quit with the new taxes WOW like 8 something a pack My husband has to quit we cant afford it!


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## f'nidiotneedshelp (Feb 1, 2009)

I'm glad that I quit.... I feel better, I smell better, and it feels better to me that my wife is more willing to kiss, hug, and cuddle me more... talk about a confidence booster.... thank goodness I had the courage to throw those damn things away... thank you baby.... I LOVE YOU!!!!!.... I won't give up on us EVER....


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Super Cute!


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## EddieJ333 (Mar 10, 2012)

Smoking is not the main trouble you have. I advise you to look for help in overcoming your habit to lie, and the sex addiction you've got. If you can fix the main troubles, for sure your wife will want to fix the problems and to live in peace at your side, even if you are still smoking. Then, you would look for help on the smoking habit, but for now it is a high priority to fix your main troubles. Don't waste your time neither distract yourself with minor problems.


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## EddieJ333 (Mar 10, 2012)

Women have strange ways of expressing what they want. Maybe the text she interchanges with that guy is her way to say that she wants sex from you, or maybe that she wants it in some other way. Think about your marital relations and in the troubles you should fix in relation to sex with her.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

This post is 3 years old.....


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

---->Zombie thread<----


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