# Acting out fantacy may have ruined my marriage



## Ed&Nydia (May 22, 2021)

Hopefully this helps someone. 
My wife and I have been married for going on 17 years. She was my first. And we started dating when I was 16, she was 18. She dumped me about a year later because I had become very jealous. We hooked up here and there for the next few years. One day she told me she was pregnant and that it was by her ex boyfriend before me. She asked me for money to get an abortion so I did. After that we did not see each other for a period of time. One night she called me and wanted me to come over. We ended up having sex and all I could think about was her having sex with her ex. To my surprise it was a huge turn on. I did not admit this to her till years later. We ended up moving in together and getting married. We now have 3 kids. Our sex life was always great until about a year ago. I told her that I wanted her to have sex with another man. She seemed uncomfortable with the idea but would talk about it during sex in an attempt to satisfy my fantasy. About 3 months ago she showed me a picture of her with semen in her mouth. She told me that it was from one of her massage cliants. Since then she sent me another set of photos. I was thrilled and enjoyed the new found adventure. All this new excitement has come with a price. Instead of improving our sex life, like how I had imagined. My wife has all but stopped having sex with me. She once told me while being intimate that she has been having sex with this man even before she had shown me the photos and that even though my penis size is adequate, that his satisfied her more because he is circumcised and the head of his penis is larger. I thought at the time she was just telling me these things to turn me on. And maybe she was. I know where this man works as he owns a business and that is the location that she has been providing the message for about 3 years. I have cought her lying about being there a few times and things just seem to be getting worse. I hope we can save our marriage. I am very much in love with her and don't want to loose her.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I don't think you have to worry about 'loosing' her as she is already 'loosened' up enough.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)




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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Maybe you can get circumcised too? Not sure how you can fix your head... actually both heads.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Ed&Nydia said:


> I told her that I wanted her to have sex with another man.
> 
> All this new excitement has come with a price. Instead of improving our sex life, like how I had imagined. My wife has all but stopped having sex with me.


So, you told her to have sex with another man and then she did. Now she's not as interested in sex with you because her needs are being met elsewhere by a man who is into actual real life sex with her rather than a fantasy. No surprise there.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Side note: if you want your anonymity, probably want to go ahead and make sure your profile photo and username isn't you because you can be identified using those things.

You open a can of worms when you invite outsiders into your marriage. Will she join you in marriage counseling? If not, would recommend you at least go see an individual counselor.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*You brought this onto yourself.
You did.

Now, it is time to extricate yourself from this mess.

You need to leave this woman.
Divorce her.

Not because she cheated, but because she does not have it 'in her' to keep both of you satisfied.
She has given up on you.

That is her choice, but not a choice a married woman can properly make.



*I believe she was always a cheater, and that she has finally rid herself of you sexually, but is happy to take whatever money and comfort that you provide.

The fact that she is an (likely illegal) massage therapist puts her out there for other men to enjoy and pay for.

She is obviously a paid sex worker.
She may have not started out as one, but she is now.

What did you expect would happen?

The penis size is likely a small part of her cutting you off. 
She said that to hurt you..


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

What may work to improve your sex life is for you, her and her "happy ending" businessman/client to do a split roast. Try to talk her into it Dawg.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

What would you like to hear from us? Your wife appears to be moving on. It happens sometimes with open or permissive marriages.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

All I can think of is -











Essentially in her mind you gave her permission to have a sexual affair, even told her you wanted her to. So she has and expects you to be happy for her like you said you would be. Not sure what you were expecting.

I guess a lesson you can learn from this is that life generally doesn't work like porn. If you want your wife to act like a porn star to get you turned on, she may just do that. The problem is then you end up married to someone who acts like a porn star.

Also - Using a selfie as your Avitar (probably not a good idea).

It's funny though how your picture looks like the face you would have made if you were in the middle of playing Russian Roulette in real life, the way you did with your marriage.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

_"I told her that I wanted her to have sex with another man. She seemed uncomfortable with the idea but would talk about it during sex in an attempt to satisfy my fantasy. About 3 months ago she showed me a picture of her with semen in her mouth. She told me that it was from one of her massage cliants. Since then she sent me another set of photos. I was thrilled and enjoyed the new found adventure."_

sounds like the classic cuckold/hotwife fantasy. you encouraged her. She sounded resistant, but you showed her the cuckold concept turned you on. that gave her full license to pursue it. Showing you that picture of her mouth verified with her that you were ok with it.

So what is the problem. you got what you wanted. It sounds like the humiliation part is not all that bad here (she is not making you dress as a girl and watch her with other men, etc). just go with it if you both are into it now. It IS a pandoras box that can not really be closed, once it is open. so navigate the ups and downs of it all as best you can. Since it is a sexual thing with you, maximize how kinky the situation gets. 

the percent of these sort of relationships that last a long time is small, maybe 25%, but you might luck out.

i have heard that a list of ground rules do help her to keep coming back to you. like limiting the number of times she can sleep with any one man (to keep them from "falling in love", and so on). i am sure there are plenty of hotwife forums out there where you can get technical advice on how to proceed.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

She was your first choice (only choice probably) and you were her safety valve when the other flings didn't work out? 

If it makes you feel better you'd probably be in this situation even if you hadn't said anything. Although, you definitely gave her a green light.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Nope. Pretty sure this won't help anyone elses marriage ... including your own, in any way, shape or form.

I get that cuckoldry is a big thing for a lot of guys. I absolutely do NOT get why. 

The idea that you choose to share the absolute, most intimate access with your marital partner with outsiders, and that is somehow supposed to make your marriage stronger?

You're kidding yourself. Taking the journey down this road ultimately sends the message to your SO that you don't value them, and ultimately, you don't really value yourself. You are either; sexually lazy, or effectively using your partner to facilitate some bizarre masturbatory fantasy, that I can tell you anecdotally after being in the trenches here for well over a decade; ends badly over 90% of the time.

Hope you figure things out.

Thread closed.


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