# I am so Tired and Hurt



## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

Hello everyone,

I am 28 Father of 3 children. I have read a few threads about how we all try to deal with our cheating partners. I wanted to add yet another depressing story to the books. 

I have known my wife since I was 15yrs she was 19 at the time. I was always told I matured early then most. I had a rough life for sure so that might have pushed me to loving someone sooner. We had our first child and lived together already when I turned 16, then married soon as I turned 18 so this was really quick relationship. 

Now Skipping a few years now I am 28 she is 32 the real story begins. She has been unfaithful to me for 4yrs now. I was told by her the first year it started and I thought we could continue working it out for our kids. Then the next year same thing happens, seems to happen once every year now. I love her so much I just allowed it, few months would pass and I just forget about it things looked good and then BAM again just never ends.

Well this year I stopped, got smart got evidence and even with being told about her cheating acts in the past from her own voice is nothing compared to pictures, emails, webcam etc. many many things. I am so hurt right now, my children mean everything to me. I am by no means a horrible man to have this put apon me. I am just way to forgiving and I try to understand why things happen. But this it I have no answer to give myself.

My wife is/was/will again cheat on me with her manager. This guy has nothing compared to me. Just looks like some bum. His myspace pictures just show he is just a drunk and major flirt to all women not just my wife. I confronted her about 3weeks ago and told her to stop or get the hell out of our house. She begged me in a way I have never seen her before that she will fix it "Give me some time" well not to play myself stupid I put recording software on her laptop and cell phone to send me emails of all the BS she was doing. 

Well last week it happened I told her to leave while I was in my office reading all these emails being sent basicly live updates of what she was doing in the other room on her laptop I couldn't take it anymore. I asked her to leave and she did. I didn't want to hear anymore more from her. Well this time I spoke out and told her brother and mother. I never spoke to anyone about the other times and just left it inside me.

Well many things have happened since last thursday but right now she is back in my home.. I only do this because I do not want my kids to cry themself to sleep because they worry for her. I ask her what she is planning to do. We spoke calmly (I read crap loads of advice here and other sites on "How to's") I cannot say that I don't hate her but I can still say I love her.

But here is the kicker to all this... during our late talk I have known for the longest time she just blocks any sexual wants from me and just really clueless on my feelings to her. After some talk I ask if she really did have sex with this last guy, and she says no. But I ask if that thought was still in her head even after what she was about to lose with myself kids and the family. And she said yes "I want to feel him" this was just a serious stab to my heart and soul. I was feeling my anger rising. And I just turned around and she tells me well you wanted the truth don't you? 

This is after I even talked to this "MAN" and he knows she is married and knows me. He totally backed out and wanted nothing to do with her, hence he is really scared since I know who he is and thinks I would do something to him. What a puss. 
AND SHE STILL WANTS HIM AFTER THAT!? She heard the recording when him and I spoke! How in the world can one be so clueless and loveless?

Well after not letting my anger get the best of me I leave for the night. This is now monday morning. She tells me she is going to put the 2weeks in at her job and quit. Now she does not tell me what she wants to do about me exactly. Nor do I want to push her into more "feelings" but can a woman really stop the desire to be with a man after all what she said and done to me? Can I trust her? Should I trust her? I think if I give it one more shot I will not be able to take the next blow of heartache and fear the worst. I am not a stupid man of killing myself but damn... after all these years my only thing I truly have is my kids... but if we divorce my lawyer told me she will mostlikely win even with the proof I have in our state we would only be listed as devorice and only thing i would get more is more of the estate.

Anyway just got called in, got to go. I just feel that I am just going for another ride and dunno if I should do it once again. Only reason is her family says I need to work it out but they don't know that I been a faithful and loving man through all these past years and they were totally clueless.

Please give me your 2cents!

PS any grammar or spelling please forgive I didn't have time to proof read it all!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

She continues to do this because you enable her. She won’t stop. Can you trust her? No! Should you trust her? No! While you love your kids what kind of environment are they being exposed to. Do you want them to think cheating is OK? Do you want them to thing enabling is OK. Sooner or later they’ll find out. Take the hit, leave her and find some one deserving of you and your qualities.


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## DB in PA (Feb 25, 2009)

I agree strongly with amplexor! At this point no matter what she will tell you it would be a lie, and you will not be able to trust her...it will eat away at you slowly like cancer. If you care for the children, leave. They are smarter than many parents give credit, and by now they "fel" that something is wrong. If you have the physical evidence, then things are on your side. Make sure to have a written plan before leaving! If you do not plan well, you could loose many$. Plan with the children once the break up occurs. They will need you the most. Make sure they know and understand that it is nothing that they did. That you do not bad mouth you ex to or in front of them. They will be hurt the most from this and will need the most care that they have ever received.
DB


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## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

Thanks for the quick reply,

Let me ask real quick, you say I enable her. Can I stop this some how? Do I need to be the ass I was to her when she wouldn't have dreamed to do this to me?

Only reason I think I have given up my balls is because after my step-mothers passing 4yrs ago I became weak. I had no one to get advice from anymore. So I know now that I felt that my wife was also my only mom/friend. Had to make her happy. 

But now I just don't want to see her win with the kids and me being left out on the street alone. I have no family while she has everyone brothers sisters etc. My 2 sisters and birth mother passed when I was very young and my father left me when it happened with my grandmother, then my Aunt took me in as her only son. But still was rough... after she passed I was clueless. 

got to get back to work, will check up a bit later

thanks for the reply


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Every time you took her back you enabled her. Tell her your done and stick with it. She has no respect for you or her marriage. End it and move on.


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## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

Thanks for the reply Amplexor

It is painful to think about not having my kids around all the time to see them grow up and need help with homework and waking me up in the middle of the night because they are scared or want an early morning breakfast. 

All those little things of having someone depend on you is really all I live for anymore. I have no one to depend only myself.  So if i go out there on my own it feels like its only going to be harder on me and my feelings. 

I know you are right about just packing up and leaving, its not like I can't or don't have the means to do so. But so far down inside me when I look at her all I feel is worry in what she will do without the little guidance I provide for her. Bills esp, and with the kids she doesn't do well with them she has no idea on the expenses we have total.... My oldest son is a rebel to her and really likes to piss her off on the littlest things. The way I see it he isn't doing it because he wants to it just comes out that way. With me he is very respectful and listens more then most children about homework, school, cleaning the house and watching his brother and sister. 

So if i leave them all I see is myself hurting them all in different ways. Leaves me SO SO confused and scared. 

Now with her quitting her 6-7yr job to try to change her life around. Will leave me with even more worry that if I do try to work it all out I now have to work even more hours to make up what money she would bring in and not to mention the less time I will be around my kids. Just seems no matter what the outcome is I am still the bad guy and the one that has to suffer even more.

Damn this is so unfair on so many levels.... 


What steps do I need to do to not feel this pain inside and just maybe move on? Seems to be no answer out there.. how did any of you guys that read this move on? How do you find the courage to face the world alone once again? How do you let the love of 14yrs just fade away? The wonderful memories the laughs all for nothing. 

I hate this all!


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## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

Just quick question, is her quitting her longtime job, a good way to restart and allow her to focus on what she is truly giving up? Or is this just some kind of hidden bull to keep me around even more? 

do note that all her cheating did come from co-workers/customers


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

While I hate to see any children go through a divorce the situation with your wife is unhealthy for them and you. She has already stated in your mind that she will cheat again. They will find out eventually and in the mean time you will go through the same suffering and pain again and again. If she is unwilling to honor her vows, you, your marriage or herself I couldn’t imagine staying with her. While I understand and commend you for your concern with the welfare of your kids you have the moral high ground here. You’ve tried to salvage the marriage and have lived in a situation that most could not bare. You can still be a wonderful father to your children with out living in the same home.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Unless you work out of the home. Don't let her quit her job. She is a serial cheater. She will have affairs right and left if not occupied during the day. You know this will happen. She cannot be trusted. She can never be trusted. Do not leave the house. That is abandonment and you lose any custody battle for sure. You cannot control her by staying. All you can do is destroy your life and your kids. Look like she said to you. She "wanted to touch him". She has no conscience at all. She does not care if whether you stay or go. She will continue what she is doing. All you can do is sit down and tell her. 

"Look, this is who you are. You cannot change, you will never change. Think about the kids for a moment. After we divorce, you are going to go crazy. All the restraints will be off of you. You will want to do anyone you please. Think how this will effect the kids. I know you love them. But you will resent not being able to go out when you want to. Especially when the kids need their sleep at night. The only other option you have is to bring these men home with you. You can imagine how destructive that will be to their little lives. Having a parade of men in and out of their lives. I am asking you to think about them. You can be selfish and keep them, while they see their mother descend into a life of sexual immorality. Or you can show you love them by letting me have custody. Don't answer now. But think about it. Think of what you are going to want to do once you don't answer to me at all. Let the kids live with me, keep your job and you can live however you want. You can see the kids anytime you want, but you can't have them around these men, who you really don't even know yourself. Please consider this."


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## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

Initfortheduration: thanks for the reply

I said almost exactly that to her the 3rd night. Told her she needed to leave the kids with me and just leave. You know what she did agree cried her eyes out saying I was right and that I would be better off without her and the kids would be happy with me. 

It almost happened too, she went to her room started packing some basic clothes then her mother and sister went to talk with her. And she told them exactly what we had agreed on doing. For her to leave the kids with me and keep everything while she slowly moves out with her "Lover" or where ever she planning on moving to. WELL... her mother and sister beg me to not let her go that it will hurt the kids more and that she needs another chance to do right. Well.. they do not know about the other times because I had to much pride to tell anyone. So that night she did leave either way. Calls me back about 10pm wanting to come home. Well honoring her mother and sisters wishes I said fine we can work something out in a few days....

So what you basicly said I did and it did get through to her but I dunno what to do now.... Also I do work from home, I do leave the house for a few hours a day to go do some of my work so I am not always 100% home. 

Here is what is currently up in the air. 

1. she put the 2weeks in so she can focus on our family, take over drop off and pick up of the kids, help them with homework and FINALLY FEED THEM SOME REAL FOOD!  I hate cooking and I can only do the basics or go to fast food so this will be good for all. 

2. her current state of mind is still to not approach me, she starts nothing with me, no kiss, no hand holding, no sitting with me, we sleep apart in the bed. No "I love you" or "I want you" I can understand this can take time but even the smallest would so greatly calm my heart. I read why this happens but damn why don't people ask for forgiveness or at least act like they want to be forgiven.. 

3. I told her when she does quit we can do things we could never do before.. basicly give her a bright light at the end of the tunnel. I say, maybe we will go buy some bikes and go bike riding while the kids are at school, at this beautiful park that I been wanting to go to myself. Maybe now with her having no job we can take those family vacations. Finally go visit our family we have that we never go see lol and above all we can both eat right hit the gym again and build something from there.

I want to work this out just 1 final time. I took that vow to love her for better or worse for the rest of my life I cannot just give up. I look at her and still think she is the most beautiful woman I have ever meet. She has a sexyness that I truly love and desire for the rest of my live. Just so you know she is not some supermodel woman, but to me she is 

I just want her to break that ice she has on me and finally see the man that wants her and will help her forever. 

Well anyways, currently I am keeping busy, making sure the kids are happy and trying my best to not feel any hate right now and try to work it all out. But she can say some things that imo only a completely lost person would say or consider and then other times I see what she is trying to do to make a change in her life.. she is to confused right now but I think after all that has happened with her family knowing and myself finally not keeping my mouth shut and her quitting her job, she is still smart enough to let me go if this is what needs to be done or find what she needs to do to be a mother and wife..

I can only wait for now... either outcome is fine by me I will move on if I have to. Things are much more clear to me. I just have to bring myself to give her one final chance to make up her mind. Its now or never I tell her because if she does some ****ed up **** later... well ... haha lets just say it won't be so pretty next time :lol:


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

First thing I thought of when she said she would quit is that she is preparing herself to get spousal support in the event of a divorce.

Be careful around her, you seem the type to be moved by a wife's tears. You need to develop the skill to discern the difference between genuine emotion and calculating crocodile tears.

If you and your cheating wife are to have any chance of reconciliation and moving forward it must be done with the help of a trained professional marriage counselor.

Her ability to lie and deceive you and to cheat is complete. She pulling back from her favorite coping mechanism will be difficult.

Hang in there, this ride is only beginning.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Oh loveless, you should have stuck with her moving out. You have enabled her and her infidelity your whole marriage. Her family (all men haters) have convinced you to let her stay for the children. Your wife and them will have a good laugh over coffee and she will say "dodged a bullet there. Thanks for talking to him and convincing him to let me stay" . 

She has admitted to you that she wants to phuck other men. She basically will stand in front of you tear your heart out eat it front of you, and then ask what's the matter? The tears came because you finally acted. Now you have turned around and reinforced her cheating once again, this is not the last time. You know it won't be the last time. 

She will not touch you or kiss you or tell you she loves you YET. She will end up giving you affection and sex, but it will happen in her timing. This will allow her to take back control in your marriage. Which you apparently will give her. Because you will be so thankful that she is finally loving you again. She will tow the line for awhile. But then a new neighbor will move in. Or she will see the new checker at the store. Or the coach of your kids soccer team will be "hot" looking. Then 6 months from now, or a year from now, you will find a web cam movie with her having sex with them. She will look like she is on cloud nine in it. And you will have a stake driven through your heart again. 

Your self esteem is out the window right now. She has cuckolded you with several men. She has come home to you after having given oral sex to her manager, she strolled up to you and gave you a hot french kiss, and thought in the back of her mind. "I wonder what he would think if he knew I just came back from going down on my boss? Hows it feel giving him head by proxy, honey?LOL."

You have imagined a scenario of bike riding, and long walks and rekindling love with the woman you married. But that woman is not the person you believe she is. In reality she is cruel, deceitful, and yes even sadistic. She has prove to you over and over again what you can expect from her. 

In closing. As I suggested (and as you initially did), she needs to go. You and her agreed it is whats best for you and the children. But you were both weak. She agreed with you because she knows that this WILL happen again. There is no question in her mind. Please for the welfare of your children, and your mental health, tell her to leave. If not we will be going over this same issue on this board a year from now. I know this has been harsh. But I may be the only one in your life speaking the truth to you at this point. Take care of yourself and your kids.


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## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

minor update.

What should I say.. you are all right about just about everything... 

I am to confused to do anything but work and not think about it. She has quit her job and has given more attention to the kids and the home (I do like this very much) but there is nothing coming from her for affection or wanting forgiveness. Even a fake "I love you" would be great to hear but she has not even said that. I guess to some point is better then another lie.

I cannot touch her without her finding some way out of the moment. A kiss on the neck does nothing for her she just continues moving on, we have slept in the same bed and "Snuggled" till we well asleep not one word said. She grabs my hand and places it on her tummy and holds my hand there. So I not let it accidently slide down or up  She tries very hard to fit perfectly in my grips but not one thing more... what does this mean....

I can say I am more and more getting over all this and not so in love with her.. I told her this and I asked "How do we end this the right way, I need out of this" She said I thought we are going to be working on the family. She did quit her job and start loving the kids more... but I am looking for a way out of all this... Not to say I want anything from anyone honestly but I have not really thought like that in some time.. I do want to be with her still but how can I be sure things will be better?


I am to confused to make any sense... I just want her to love me once again.. we had so much fun.. sigh... I dunno.

Can anyone make any sense on how I feel?


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## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

Oh yea...

"Please give me more time, I think I just need more time to find love for you again, I want to love you..."

what the hell does this mean?


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Loveless, 

You need to move on. You need to tell her that it's not about her loving you again. It's about the multiple affairs she has/is/will have. You have to be brutally honest with her. Tell her I'm sorry but you don't deserve anymore chances. Every year for the last 5 years you have spread your legs for whoever you pleased. You didn't care that you were destroying me. All you cared about was the other man. Well you have succeeded in killing my love. The affair that you had or are having with this scumbag proves that you can't ever be trusted again. He is so beneath contempt as a human. He is a womanizer and a drunk, I confront you with your betrayal and what is your response? "I want to feel him" . How do I live with that? 

It's simple, you are still young you can find someone that deserves you. She is a done deal.

Remember what I posted before.

She will not touch you or kiss you or tell you she loves you YET. She will end up giving you affection and sex, but it will happen in her timing. This will allow her to take back control in your marriage. Which you apparently will give her. Because you will be so thankful that she is finally loving you again. She will tow the line for awhile. But then a new neighbor will move in. Or she will see the new checker at the store. Or the coach of your kids soccer team will be "hot" looking. Then 6 months from now, or a year from now, you will find a web cam movie with her having sex with them. She will look like she is on cloud nine in it. And you will have a stake driven through your heart again.

If she stays she will warm to you and everything will be fine for a while. But she is a stay at home mom now. How long till she gets an itch again? And has all day to scratch it.


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## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

you are correct in what you say. I will have to think it over and see what ends up happening. I will keep this thread alive as long as I can remember to post here.

We will see what happens even if a year passes I will find this post once again and post the outcome

thanks for the advice and anyone else reading please post what you think as well.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Loveless. You need to come here and read your posts. You need to remember how you felt at the time of your discovery. You need to act. not wait. Otherwise. See you in another year and another affair for her.


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## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

Update:

Well after much talk talk talk talk I got her to leave. (Temp 2months) I sent her back on to Mexico. To hopefully see what she is willing to give up for just these flings. I do feel lonely not seeing her around. And honestly I am kinda scared/worried that I might want her if she does want to be with me after the rehab 

But in the next 2 months I have some goals I want to finish just so when the day she does come back, I will be ready to move on or at the least I will know what is true and what is fake.

1. is lose this minor fat i have built up after being so weak and self hating.

2. change my kids additudes that they have been kinda wild lately because of the little attention we would give them.

3. Show her I do not need her what so ever if it should come to that.(this is hard to think but i know i must prepare) 

4. Fix up my home and not work so super hard. Make time for the kids since I am the only one to take care of them

5. maybe find me a NSA friend? i dunno about this but what do you all think? would it be wrong? I think if I did it.. it be only while the kids at school and not take me away from them, I think it would just get me ready for worst case.... I dunno so if you are reading and kept up with the crap I been dealing with should I?


So yea... FREE MAN? lol or Not? haha 

Final thoughts is I am sad, but I can see myself happy without her here right now. But down the line I dunno if I would just fail once again when and if she does come back.

:smthumbup: BUT I DO HAVE MY KIDS!!! THIS IS A WIN FOR ME ALL THE WAY! :smthumbup:



Loveless


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Loveless,

Don't be so down and out, you are now free to destiny.

I was a professional, after divorce broke, living in a down the hallway bathroom boarding house slopping hamburgers.

Then the cuteess of all HS cheerleaders said "hello" the rest is history over 2 decades ago.

Don't be down, destiny may have some pleasant surprises for you my friend.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

This is great news. Now there is some consequence to her actions. My only concern it that she will be cheating the whole time she is away. Where did she go in Mexico? Is she a citizen of Mexico? I would still divorce her. The problem is, you can't trust her out of your sight, work on your relationship with your kids. Get your ducks in a row and then have her served when she returns.


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## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

RE: reidqa

I had such an encounter yesterday. Young girl... was fun to get my flirt on she even asked for my number instead of me asking for hers. 

I go to subway so much we just started talking. Just felt great to feel that freedom.

Initfortheduration:

She is from Mexico but is now an American Citizen, went to school here and the whole 9 yards. She is with her family down there that think I am the best man on earth. We just went down there not to long ago and they love me  they have no idea what is going on besides her mom that is now down there with her too. So I am sure it will come up, but my wife is very private so I expect her mother to say something eventually to everyone..

Her brothers and sisters look down on divorce and out of like 12 kids non of them have got a divorce or remarried. But my wife is the youngest of all of them so the American life style really corrupted her imo.



I took the whole day off yesterday to fix up the house and garage/shed. Lots of old memories/items about to find its way to the trash later this week  Today I do have work to do but some reason I have a serious lack of desire to make money/work this week... need to get back to work 

I will check on this later, final question should I just stick with flirting and nothing more or should I not be doing that either? What if something more ends up happening with someone else should I go after it? Or Should I just wait to see what ends up happening with my wife? I am confused I have about 8hrs to myself every day. Gets lonely.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I would not complicate the situation at this point. I think you need to shed yourself of her. She is no good. She thinks she is entitled to these affairs. Read Reidqa story, You are in the midst of this. Divorce her, take the kids. Look, I know I would never....ever, be able to forget the fact that she said this to me. 



loveless said:


> But I ask if that thought was still in her head even after what she was about to lose with myself kids and the family. And she said yes "I want to feel him" this was just a serious stab to my heart and soul. I was feeling my anger rising. And I just turned around and she tells me well you wanted the truth don't you?


This was absolutely inexcusable. And her response "well you wanted to know the truth". She is so smug about it. Let the rest of the family know just how many men she has had. They need to bring all of their pressure to bear on her. 

If I may make a suggestion. I would tell her mom to let absolutely everyone in the family know what she has done. Complete exposure. You have to be bold. Tell the mother EVERYTHING. Tell her complete exposure is the only possible way of any reconciliation. Why? Because based on the last four years and how many men she has had, and the fact that even after discovery, she told you that she still "wanted to feel him" she is unrepentant. Tell her that she needs the families help in this, because you have no power over her. Tell her she is a serial cheater and has an affair every year. Your wife needs to feel such shame and disgust over what she has done, that it will sear into her mind the consequences of what she did. 

When she comes back, do not let her back in the house. Make her stay with her mother (tell the mom this is a condition that is non negotiable, if she is not willing to do this, you will divorce her daughter immediately, tell her you know that this is tough for her, and you're sorry. But that's the way it is). If you are considering taking her back (I wouldn't). She must work on wooing you and winning you back. And I mean for months or even a year. This has got to be THE MOST DIFFICULT THING SHE HAS EVER DONE. Force her into sex addiction classes. And into individual counseling. Be confident, be happy, be everything she finds attractive. MAKE HER ACHE FOR YOU AND HER FAMILY. If you sense that she is not committed to reconciliation 110%. Divorce the cheating skank. 

Remember, the tramp was holding sex back from you, while she gave it to that POSOM drunk she worked for. If she does not fall passionately, and madly back in love with you. If you have any idea that she is not taking this seriously, or if she says "I don't know if I feel that way about you anymore" Divorce her immediately and take the kids. YOU MAKE THE RULES.


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## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

Thanks for the advice Initfortheduration, you have made total sense from the start. And not just tell me what to do but you give reason with it as well. its a good feeling to have someone out there give me some advice and not feel as if you are saying it for another reason. Like family around here being all upset and telling me what I should do, I just cant trust them.

Again thanks for your help. 

Quick update. She called me today to see how we the family are doing without her. She asked a few questions.
"How are the kids", Fine. 
"How are you?" Fine.
"Are you behaving yourself?" Just doing the best I can by myself.
"Yes or No" Like I said just taking care of business.
"ok, well did the kids cry at all?" Nope, not a single tear.(this is true btw)
"Really?" Yup
"Can I talk to them?" Nope.
"Why not?" Because you will not have to deal with them after you hang up.
"ok, well are you taking care of them" AT THIS POINT I WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING SINCE I TAKE CARE OF THEM EVERYDAY.... I told her... Of course.

Then she speaks how long the days seem and how she misses the kids.(Fails to say she misses me) So I just continue to act hard to her and just say things are fine and we still got 2months till summer time(The time I asked she stay away till) 

She kinda stays silent most the time, so I said well I better hang up before the phone bill gets to high.

"Alright well take care of them" Yup.
"Take care of yourself" ok.

Bye.
Click.

This was earlier today... then I read what you said and it helps me feel better because I don't want to be an ass to her but I guess that is what she wants a real jerk. Why can't women just love a kind heart... 


Well thanks again. I will check on this again later!


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

loveless said:


> Thanks for the advice Initfortheduration, you have made total sense from the start. And not just tell me what to do but you give reason with it as well. its a good feeling to have someone out there give me some advice and not feel as if you are saying it for another reason. Like family around here being all upset and telling me what I should do, I just cant trust them.
> 
> Again thanks for your help.
> 
> ...


Next time she calls and asks "are you being good?" Joke with her. And tell her "well she said I was good?" If she freaks. Tell her it was a joke. Then tell her the reason why she is so worried about you cheating, is because of what is called "projection". She projects on to you what she herself would do in your position.......cheat. You need to talk to her mom. And ask her to keep her on a short leash. No partying. If you find out she is using this as a vacation to party and screw guys. You will meet her with divorce papers. 

YOU CALL THE SHOTS. 

But don't cheat. You want to keep the high ground.

AGAIN, CANCEL HER ACCESS TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS!


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## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

UPDATE!:

Day 10. She been gone.

Well its been hard, at times it has been harder then I thought it would be. Not really missing her but its now 110% all on me to make sure the family is well.

I get no outside help. So some things start to fall behind then I bust all the next day to catch up, then something else starts to fall behind, over and over its just hard to time it all down right.

Slowly things are fitting in better but it should work it self out soon enough.

Positives!
I have lost 10lb! I have started p90x workout so I have this as one of my goals! Eating habits are much different then before. I wake up with more energy and currently VERY sore haha arms hurt so bad! My cuz has joined me on this so we won't let each other fail so this goal is already done really even tho we have another 80+ days to go! 

Kids seem to be alright with the new rules and their additudes are much better and in a few I am going to visit with my 2 boys teachers and I will see how they are doing in school. But the surrounding family still can't see that they are currently better without their mom. I can see a huge change.

I guess I will update more later i need to head out time is going to fast these days!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

loveless said:


> I have lost 10lb! I have started p90x workout so I have this as one of my goals! Eating habits are much different then before. I wake up with more energy and currently VERY sore haha arms hurt so bad!


Hey I do that too :smthumbup: Its an awesome workout. The first time I did the arm workout I actually had a hard time just turning the steering wheel. i was so sore!

i think its great how well you are doing. I admire that you havent let this whole ordeal drag you down, but rather you are doing much better. I hope you keep it up and I hope you meet a women that deserves you.


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## loveless (Mar 4, 2009)

thanks blanca

yea the other day i could hardly turn the wheel too without some pain lol

I was going to tell the kids WALK haha, but my oldest son took care of me best he could since i could hardly bring a cup to my mouth to drink lol he gave me message on the arm OMG it hurt but that icy/hot stuff helped the pain go away sooner... and now.. today is arms again  took me almost a week to get over it haha

back on the subject a min...

I talked with my wife last night... texting me to call her since i can call her free. and where she is at we have no long distance. BLOWING UP phone haha.. Well she texts me telling me i need to call her asap important etc.. well i finally call her and I say what?

"I heard something" -Wife
"Oh yea what?" -Me
"I need to talk to (oldest son, no names)" -Wife
"why" -Me
"I just need to talk to him" -Wife
"Well he is not here, what do you want"(he was outside) -Me
"I heard something, about you" -Wife
"oh?" -Me
Finally after 10+min 
"I was told there is a truck parking outside on the road every morning and leaves in the afternoon" -Wife
I started to laugh inside, but after advice from initfor.. I decided to play with her.
"Well I guess you caught me" -Me
"WHAT?" -Wife
"What do you want me to say?" 
"The truth, who is it going to the house everyday, I am here to try to work it out and you over there doing YOUR THINGS" -Wife
"What things?"
"You know" -Wife
"No I do not know, what are you talking about"
"Who truck is it?" -Wife
After good 10+ I told her.
"Well its (Cousin Name Here)"
"Yea right" -Wife
Well my cousin was with me and I told him to say whats up and that he comes over in the morning to play xbox360 and help out with the house etc.. all BS he come to workout with me from 9-12 this I have not told her yet.
"Whats up" -my cuz
"Fine." -Wife


Finally.
Well it was fun to play and piss her off. But I do not get it. I still hear her talk is all BS and I still do not think she will ever change. I did tell her that to some point and that when June comes things might be totally different and that right now she is losing a very good man for her fantasies. 

She hung up on me, right before she said you always making me feel bad.

I didn't call back, but I did speak like she had lost me already.


What makes me think this is she said "I am slowly thinking about what it means to be married and having a family, after seeing my sisters, and other family here just working to make it for their family." I don't like that coming from her for some reason sounds fake and just BS I wanted to say "SLOWLY WTF" Show you the back side of my hand right now slap some sense into you lol j/k




Note to the readers. I am starting to forget about her to some point, I still know I am married but if she was to come back right now I know 100% I wouldn't want her to be with me. I just do not care what she is doing anymore.

Will this change or continue to get worse once June comes?



If this is all confusing very sorry lol just trying to let you know whats up. Feels good to just post if even if no one reads it hah..

Loveless


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