# My husband had sex with two prostitutes



## seekclarity (May 25, 2011)

Long story short, my husband had sex with two prostitutes this Tuesday morning. I found out because he did not sleep at home After he got home and gave me his story I went through his phone, I found a list of phone calls which later on he confessed where made to an escort service. After I pretty much made him confessed to me about the escort service he kept denying he had sex with anyone. His initial story was he chicken out and just paid a prostitute when she got there and nothing happened. 

We have a 14months old daughter. It was hard to talk about what he had done with her around. I took her to my friends house for an hour or so yesterday so we could talk. After that I went out the whole day with my girlfriend and daughter. We left the conversation but staying we would be honest with each other.

After I came home I took a nap and woke up around 12:30am since then I've barely slept. We talked since that time until 5am this morning. He confessed to me he did had sex with two prostitutes. He tells me this is the first time he's done something like this. He used condoms for oral sex and intercourse. He says he was trying to fulfill a desire to have sex with two women, that it wasn't what he expected, that he was looking for true desire, passion which he did not find in this experience and he feels is lacking in me. 

We do have a strong relationship, we cherish what we have. We've been together for 11 years and married for the last four years. We've practically grown up together. We have been trying to improve our sex life the last couple of years. We took therapy several months ago. Since we don't have insurance anymore we stopped the therapy which was helping us a lot. I have my own issues I've been trying to work on.
As I write this I do realize there is a lot more involved but I guess I just wanted to find out people's thoughts.

I do feel this is a relationship that is worth fighting for. Where do you even start to get over something like this? I just keep picturing him having sex with these two women. The saddest thing is I thought and I felt our sex life has been improving in part due to the unpredictability that having a 1 year old gives you but at the same time in my eyes forced us to be more creative.

Thoughts, ideas, people that have been in this situation, how do you get over this? is it even possible to recover trust?


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Get back into therapy ASAP, especially if you feel it helped. Why do you no longer have insurance?


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## seekclarity (May 25, 2011)

I'm not working and he does not qualify for insurance through his job, so right now we don't have insurance


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As a wise man once said in here... Therapy is cheaper than two households... Or legal fees... Or pretty much anything else related to divorce or separation that you can think of.

It's also likely cheaper than two hookers...

C


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## seekclarity (May 25, 2011)

We have an appt with our old therapist tomorrow. I'm trying to pull myself together for my daughter. She already seems to perceived what is going on.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I'd like you to entertain the idea that you don't have a strong relationship at all. He had a secret desire to have sex with two women and did it knowing that it put you at risk for an STD, humiliation and pain. What is your definition of a good relationship? Secrete's and lies means you do not know your husband the man he appears to be seems to exist on your imagination. 

He cares more for the pleasure of a selfish, un nesasary fantasy that provided maybe 15 mins of pleasure. He had plenty of time to rethink it and abandon the project if he thought about the danger he put you into his relationship and the stability of his 14 month old child. 

A man who is so consumed with a sexual fantasy that he is willing to risk so much is a fool, with little control, or empathy for the people he is supposed to love and protect. In essence he is not much of a man. 

Woman up. Put childish fantasies of man as knight in shinning armor - there is no such animal. You happen to have the misfortune to have the worst of the lot - a man who has the control Of a teen aged boy and the character of a cheating selfish idiot. This is the man you have hitched you future onto. I don't believe you know the full truth, he very well may not have used a condom and he may have done this before. 

Woman up means you see reality and withdraw your trust and your dependence on such a man. You are at considerable danger of contacting a disease. Cheaters lie lie lie - they are really not concerned for any one but themselves. Get tested for STD's and take control of you life. He is of such a character that he is likely to wait for a few years till you think he is safe and do it again. 

Woman up means you call him when he tries to blame you not having the right kind if sex with him. How in the world do you entertain the idea that you are at falt for him sleeping with two prostitutes? What he is telling you is that he regards women including you to be sexual objects for his pleasure and if you dont give him what he wants you take the consequences of being replaced by another vigina or two.. Is he worth you becoming a porn star so he does not cheat. Does he expect you to let other women in the bedroom so he does not cheat? 

Woman up, if he has no respect for you at lest have respect for yourself and stop being sympathtic to his BS. He can have all the funky sex he wants but not in a relationship with you. If he thinks he is justified in using you not doing what he wants aw an excuse to cheat then cut your losses so you dont degrade yourself in sevice to sexual porn fantasies. 

I dont know how you can contemplate staying in a trusted intimate relationship with such a man. How do you risk having sex with him how do you ever give him pleasure again knowing that is all he finds your use to him. And not even to express to him what he has done astounds me. Wake up protect and value yourself and have relationship only with trustworthy man who protects you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mswren7 (May 8, 2011)

Catherine602, excellent post. I loved it.


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## seekclarity (May 25, 2011)

Thx Catherine602 for your thoughts. I'll try to address some of the points you raised.

A strong marriage relationship to me means having someone you can count on as a friend, companion, lover someone you can be yourself. I feel i have that with him. I strongly know and feel I could not have chosen a better father for my daughter than him. 
He has messed up BIG TIME. Certainly he has put us all at risk, a condom could have broken. He could have contracted something. 

Certainly at least consciously I have no fantasies of a prince or anything like that. I do have to say that I had the hope we would grow older together but I see that as the hope in every marriage.

I do have doubts about this being his first time. I'm not buying that. I do have my guard up for what he tells me. By no means I see myself dependent on him. I'm very independent person.

We will get tested for STD's. One of the things we got out of therapy is that we both realized we had issues that were affecting our sexual life. 

Thanks for pointing this out: "How do you risk having sex with him'. I don't know what else he has not told me and just the idea that he could have contracted or might contract something scares me to death. We have a beautiful daughter that needs the best from us.

We will see our therapist today. I can't even get pass the idea that this was really his first time and last. I'm stuck there so I don't even know if you can possible get over that. If there is no trust there is nothing and he certainly has broken my trust.


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

A relationship between two people is for the two people to decide. 

Firstly, you are about to go into "I'll do anything mode" aka plead, beg etc. Make him work to get back into your relationship. How you decide to do this will be dependant on you and the respect you have for yourself. Don't make yourself feel like a prostitute to win your husband back into your arms. 

He's the cheater, the terrible disgraceful situation that he has chosen, calculated in fact and he has left you a myriad of health and STD checks; the terrible, terrible pain and hurt is going to be longlasting. He's the one to do all the work to win you back, not you. 

Value yourself, your child and let him have a taste of life without both of you. It should be his wake up call; it is for him to seek help about his betrayal to his wife and his child. 

Don't try to pretend to be some porn babe for someone who doesn't care about your sexual health. His actions shows that he didn't care about your life or if your child was left motherless. 

Whatever you do and decide, honesty to yourself is always the best policy.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

mswren7 said:


> Catherine602, excellent post. I loved it.


I was about to say the same thing. Excellent!


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> I'd like you to entertain the idea that you don't have a strong relationship at all. He had a secret desire to have sex with two women and did it knowing that it put you at risk for an STD, humiliation and pain. What is your definition of a good relationship? Secrete's and lies means you do not know your husband the man he appears to be seems to exist on your imagination.
> 
> He cares more for the pleasure of a selfish, un nesasary fantasy that provided maybe 15 mins of pleasure. He had plenty of time to rethink it and abandon the project if he thought about the danger he put you into his relationship and the stability of his 14 month old child.
> 
> ...


above is quoted for epic truth.

Anything else I could say, or virtually anyone else would say to you would be mental mastrabation. 

Catherine covered this topic dead nuts, nail on the head.

Print her reply, Carry it with you. It should be your personal gospel.

[/close thread]


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## seekclarity (May 25, 2011)

We met with our therapist today. We will meet with him weekly to work on our own sexual issues and our sexual relationship. I was happy to know that the therapist pretty much echoed a lot of the issues that came up during our last couple discussions and my own analysis. It would be not fair to our relationship and our daughter not to work on our own issues. Who knows where this would take us. But I know that dealing with this head on, we'll leave each of us in a better place. 

Thanks everyone for your posts.


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