# I want a dog...he doesn't



## lrj875 (Sep 17, 2016)

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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

15 Hypoallergenic Dogs and Cats - Health.com


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## Legend (Jun 25, 2013)

Get an outside dog.


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## lrj875 (Sep 17, 2016)

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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I think your husband has very valid reasons for not having a dog so you should cave on this one. Also, dog hair gets on everything so they would probably have reactions just by riding in his car. I have a dog that sheds very little but I'm sure it would still bother others that were allergic. If this was so important, you should have talked about it and resolved it before marriage. I'm sorry for you though. I'm an animal lover and I couldn't imagine my life without some sort of pet.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Depends how much you like your SIL. How often does she visit? 

The outside dog won't work if you live in an apartment. Personally, I've always thought dogs require at least a backyard. I think it's cruel to keep a pet inside all the time.

Are you planning to get a house at some point? Why don't you revisit the idea then? You can make certain areas of your house off-limits to the dog for entertaining. Really, she can't be THAT allergic; otherwise how does she deal with neighbours who have dogs in the backyard. She can't stop them.


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

Your H's loyalties should be with you, his family, * NOT *his sister or any member of his FOO, especially in your own home. Someone who doesn't live in your home should *NOT* be able to dictate to you. SIL doesn't visit your home now, when you don't have a dog so why should your H continue to deny your having a dog when he knows you have always wanted one.

Why has your SIL not had immunotherapy for her allergies, especially if they are so severe? It takes 2--5 years, depending on the severity of the allergy but improvement can be seen after only a few months. I had some serious allergies and went through immunotherapy and am now completely allergy-free (to those items).

A couple of sessions with MC (*NOT* a _happy-families-at-all-costs_ type) might help your H understand your SIL doesn't get to decide what goes on in your home. But adopt from a shelter, don't buy.

IamSomebody


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## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

When do you plan to start trying to have kids? Maybe get the kids first then a pet.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I think your husband's feeling are valid, dog hair is everywhere and it will be on your clothes so you probably won't be able to go to those family events, unless you bought new clothes on the way and changed in the garage.

If those type of allergies are hereditary, your future children could have them and then you would be heartbroken to have to get rid of a dog you had a few years before the kids were born.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Wow, that is a tough one. I think that YOU and YOUR family should be the priority. It's really said about his sister, but you should not have to sacrifice in your own home for her issue.

If you did have a dog, would you be a danger to her if you visited her and there was dog hair on you (which trust me, there will be.) What does she do now regarding exposure? Certainly she knows or works with people who have pets. Heck, if she goes out in public she could come in contact with someone who has a dog. Is she okay?

If you having a dog means she can't come to your house but you can still go to hers and other family gatherings, then I would get the dog. My point is that yes, it's unfortunate but I'm sure she understands the world is not going to revolve around her disability. Just like someone who has such extreme celiacs they can't take any chance that food they eat has come in contact with gluten, they still could not expect all their relative to keep their homes gluten free. 

Life is not fair and I would not deliberately pound a loaf of bread in front of the person with celiacs, or flaunt my dogs in front of the sister, but I would not expect my husband to put his sister ahead of me on such an important lifestyle decision. Though I understand his sensitivity, but it seems it could be explained to the family - this is just something we really want and we want to make it work where it doesn't hurt our relationship with you.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't understand why this is an issue at all? I don't get why someone who doesn't live with you would even factor into this decision? There's lots of options for her to still visit even if you have a dog - you can vacuum and wipe down surfaces in the main area, even get an air filter, they're not expensive...how does she manage in day to day life? What if she sits near someone in a public place who has a dog?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

lrj875 said:


> Just to clarify, since it may not have been clear in my original post: My SIL is so allergic, that even a hypoallergenic dog would be a problem for her. She would not be able to come into our home even with a hypoallergenic dog.


Then she needs to live in a bubble if she can't go where a dog has *ever* been before. That's so utterly ridiculous since there are very few places in this world where dogs have never been - outside of a business office, a restaurant or an operating room. It sucks to be her but it's *so* over the top that your husband thinks he has a right to make his family sacrifice everything they want in order to accommodate an occasional visit with his sister.

If she suddenly gets an allergy to soap, will he make you stop taking showers, too? Ridiculous.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Did you discuss pets before you got married? Did you think there might be an issue about this someday, given his family's allergies? Or did you avoid the topic and hope to raise it someday?

Regardless, you both have valid perspectives. Your husband may simply not like having pets in general, not just in this specific case, or it may not be a responsibility he wants, especially if he's never had pets before to know what's involved. If he's only seen the downside, and never personally experienced the upside, it's going to be a tough sell.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

What was discussed before you were married? Did he know dogs were important to you? Did you know about his sister's severe allergies? Why did a relationship with a non-dog guy with legitimate reasons he didn't grow up with dogs progress for 10 years knowing that dogs were extremely important to you?

You've already told us you live in a small apartment. Sister aside, what a culture shock to ask someone who has never had pets to suddenly share a confined space with one.

A lot of venom on this thread being directed at the sister who has a severe medical condition that is out of her control. Sister isn't dictating anything. Her condition is what it is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> It sucks to be her but it's *so* over the top that your husband thinks he has a right to make his family sacrifice everything they want in order to accommodate an occasional visit with his sister.
> 
> If she suddenly gets an allergy to soap, will he make you stop taking showers, too? Ridiculous.


With all due respect, the only thing over the top is this comment lol. 

The only thing that we know they can't come to an agreement on is getting a dog. He doesn't want a dog. For legitimate reasons. She wants a dog. Also legitimate. Don't paint the poor guy out to be some uncaring totalitarian who "makes his family sacrifice everything". He can't come to an agreement with his wife about getting a dog. No more, no less.

Some people are pet people, some people are not. There's no right or wrong in that. An equal sacrifice is asking someone to love with a pet than to pass on getting a pet
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> The only thing that we know they can't come to an agreement on is getting a dog. He doesn't want a dog. For legitimate reasons. She wants a dog. Also legitimate. Don't paint the poor guy out to be some uncaring totalitarian who "makes his family sacrifice everything". He can't come to an agreement with his wife about getting a dog. No more, no less.
> 
> Some people are pet people, some people are not. There's no right or wrong in that. An equal sacrifice is asking someone to love with a pet than to pass on getting a pet


Her reason for getting a dog trumps his reason for not wanting it. IMO he just does not want a dog and is using his sister as the excuse.

My brother & family had a cat. :cat: I was very allergic to (just) cats. As soon as I walk into a house that has cats I will sneeze and eyes water. So I would take lots of benedryl or not go there and meet him somewhere else. Very simple. I would never tell him to get rid of the cats nor expect him to not get cats because of me. I don't visit that often. 

BTW, dogs in small apartments are a no for me. They need a backyard. uppy:


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Sorry, I think they are on equal footing. Nobody is right or wrong, more valid or less valid.

Again I'm still curious as to what was discussed over the past ten years.

Another thought just to throw this out there too...

OP states they want to have children in the near future. As these severe allergies seem to run in his family, what happens if they get a dog, a year later have a baby and that baby is allergic?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Sorry, I think they are on equal footing. Nobody is right or wrong, more valid or less valid.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Then they find a good home for the dog.

i am a guy that got up early this morning because the dog pushed him out of the bed. Dogs are awesome.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> Then they find a good home for the dog.
> 
> i am a guy that got up early this morning because the dog pushed him out of the bed. Dogs are awesome.


But but but what about the commitment that we make to our pets 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> But but but what about the commitment that we make to our pets
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I would get rid of the baby, but that is just me.

Looks like OP did a delete and run.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: t*

@lrj875 What you did was not very helpful.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

*Re: t*

You have to expect that as a consequence of the site's deletion policy. There will eventually be a lot of these threads perhaps the norm for the site. It's a choice the owners made.


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## Sephirox (Sep 18, 2016)

Is this something that was recently brought up? This is a tough one, since a dog is a big commitment, and getting one without both of you guys agreeing can lead to serious resentment in the future. At the end of the day though, if he is not comfortable with getting a dog I don't think you should push the issue further.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Lets leave out the allergies for a minute. This could become a major issue, or more major than it already is because if you get a dog and your husband refuses to do anything to take care of it, it will cause a lot of stress in your relationship. And for heavens sake, do not get an animal and leave it outside in the elements chained to a tress or a dog house. Either do it right or do not do it.

If you are planning on having children soon, you might want to consider weaiting. Too many stories of dogs being abandoned because a new baby is perceived as a threat by the dog or the owners think that way.

But back to the original thing on this. Your husbands sister is not your spouse and your long term decisions and happiness should not be determined by her proclivities and likes or dislikes. Your husband married you. If he wanted to live with his sister he should be back at home.


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