# Love of my life vs Mother in Law



## confusedcristina (Dec 8, 2015)

I'm with the guy I want to grow old with. We have been together for 10 years 8 of which his mother lived with us. 8 years that I would constantly complain about her being at our house. Finally the s#;% hit the fan and she ended up moving out after a heated argument and a year after she moved out hes wanting to bring her back because he promised his grandmother he wouldnt leave his mom alone... His mom lives 2 minutes away and we see her weekly .... What do I do? She's not "alone" and I knw for a fact that I'm not ok with her living with us... Ps she's in her late 50s works and can definitely hold her own... The lady still goes out clubbing! Suggestions?


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Oh my. You put up with your MIL living with you for 8 years. For that, your husband should be eternally grateful.

Sorry, but no. Just say that you're not going to live with her anymore. Don't be afraid of losing him. If he's worth it he'll understand and cut the cord.

If he doesn't tell him to go live with her as he is clearly a momma's boy.

It's bad enough that she lives two minutes away. I'm always astounded by these dysfunctional mothers who can't let their sons go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

confusedcristina said:


> I'm with the guy I want to grow old with. We have been together for 10 years 8 of which his mother lived with us. 8 years that I would constantly complain about her being at our house. Finally the s#;% hit the fan and she ended up moving out after a heated argument and a year after she moved out hes wanting to bring her back because he promised his grandmother he wouldnt leave his mom alone... His mom lives 2 minutes away and we see her weekly .... What do I do? She's not "alone" and I knw for a fact that I'm not ok with her living with us... Ps she's in her late 50s works and can definitely hold her own... The lady still goes out clubbing! Suggestions?


Stand your ground.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Don't let him get away with this. It's ridiculous.


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## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

OP, we lived with my MIL for SIX MONTHS and I wanted to jump off a bridge. OMG...you are a saint. If your MIL is well enough to go CLUBBING, then don't give in. She is right around the corner, so you guys are CLOSE enough. It would be one thing if she was ill, had a terminal disease, etc. but she is well. How would your husband handle it if your mom or dad lived with you guys for eight years? I'd lay odds he would be singing a different tune....!


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You call her your mother in law, but refer to your guy as someone you are together with.

If you are not married what you should do is move out and let him live with his mommy for the rest of his life and be happy.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Dang. After sh!* hit the fan and she moved out, he still wants to bring her back? 

Say no and keep saying no.

I lived with my MIL, BIL, SIL, BIL's wife and BIL's kid for 4 years. Sh!* went down many times and my husband and his siblings still refused to sell the house and get separate places, because they all wanted to be together with Mommy. So now, they are together with Mommy...but I'm not in the picture. THANK YOU LORD. If you have to walk away from a toxic situation, then you have to walk away from a toxic situation!


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Let him know, NO WAY in Hell. 

She lives nearby and is in good health, she can live alone. She probably loves living alone so she does not have to report to your H.

Tell him NO. His mother needs to enjoy living by herself without him butting into her life. And you need your H to yourself without anyone else being around.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Oh dear God...NO NO NO NO NO!!!!

I can no more fathom parents who can't let go of their adult children, than adults who want to live with their parents! Wtf???


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The guy is missing his mama. He never cut the apron strings. She will always be his #1 and you'll be taking a number. Let him go (bet he moves in with mama).


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

confusedcristina said:


> I'm with the guy I want to grow old with. We have been together for 10 years 8 of which his mother lived with us. 8 years that I would constantly complain about her being at our house. Finally the s#;% hit the fan and she ended up moving out after a heated argument and a year after she moved out hes wanting to bring her back because he promised his grandmother he wouldnt leave his mom alone... His mom lives 2 minutes away and we see her weekly .... What do I do? She's not "alone" and I knw for a fact that I'm not ok with her living with us... Ps she's in her late 50s works and can definitely hold her own... The lady still goes out clubbing! Suggestions?


Tell your husband to cut the umbilical cord.


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## confusedcristina (Dec 8, 2015)

Its funny my mom lived with us for a month and it was totally temporary as she moved to another state just to be closer to us but with no intentions at all of it being a permanent thing. I heard sooo many complaints from him in just that short period ( I secretly enjoyed everything that would happen to bother him) ... It was a short and sweet taste of what I have dealt with for 8 years!) He couldnt deal with my mom so would flat out ignore her until she moved out. She lasted less then a month in our house. It was upsetting I know my mom is a tough cookie to swallow... but I felt given the circumstances and him knowing for a fact that it was a very temporary living situation I thought he should have handled it better knowing that I can played stepford wife with his mom and nag to him about her on the down low to him without hurting his mothers feelings so that things wont be weird between me and her.


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## confusedcristina (Dec 8, 2015)

Hes a good guy and a good son. I just feel that his mother is using his grandmother to her advantage... And him being the great son/ great grandson that he is ... he allows that to get in his head and has a guilt trip on him that he has to care for his mom, Or that she's alone and defenseless in this world.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He's a good guy and a good son; just not much of a good guy when it comes to his relationship. Stop making excuses for him. He is the one wanting mama to move back in - not her.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

You have to grow your marriage for you two and your future.

Looking after Mum, doesn't mean treating her like a child, with room and board etc. It's checking in on her occasionally, phoning once a month to say hi, having a decent job so when she gets old/ill that there's decent care.

He owes you and your marriage to at least let you have your own marriage - not to both of them.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

confusedcristina said:


> Hes a good guy and a good son. I just feel that his mother is using his grandmother to her advantage... And him being the great son/ great grandson that he is ... he allows that to get in his head and has a guilt trip on him that he has to care for his mom, Or that she's alone and defenseless in this world.


Your husband has never learned proper "boundaries" in relationships ..(but this would make sense as his Mother should "know better" -her being boundary-less herself) .... he has allowed others to GUILT him into helping / doing.. when in reality.. he should be standing up for his "now family" and offering other alternatives to his mother.. and leaving the ball in her court... 

Sure he can be a good son & help her move, for instance, into a lower cost apartment.. . but when his well abled clubbing Mom is pushing to infringe on your marriage, your privacy... your home.. well he needs to wake up.. 

He needs to get a hold of the wisdom in this book.. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life: Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend, : Books



> Have you ever found yourself wondering:
> 
> • Can I set limits and still be a loving person?
> • How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?
> ...


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## Troubled_Times (Dec 13, 2015)

confusedcristina said:


> I'm with the guy I want to grow old with. We have been together for 10 years 8 of which his mother lived with us. 8 years that I would constantly complain about her being at our house. Finally the s#;% hit the fan and she ended up moving out after a heated argument and a year after she moved out hes wanting to bring her back because he promised his grandmother he wouldnt leave his mom alone... His mom lives 2 minutes away and we see her weekly .... What do I do? She's not "alone" and I knw for a fact that I'm not ok with her living with us... Ps she's in her late 50s works and can definitely hold her own... The lady still goes out clubbing! Suggestions?


I can't even stand my in-laws staying overnight never mind for 8 years, I think your husband needs to man up and stop being a mummies boy


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