# I think it's time to move on...



## Lovey011 (Mar 9, 2013)

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 13 years and married for almost 4 years. Over the last 3 years I have posted randomly on this forum about how to make it work. Our relationship has lacked intimacy and connection for several years now. His non-existent libido and lack of communication have made me feel isolated and unloved. We have been to doctors regarding his health and marriage counseling with absolutely no improvement. In the last several months I have realized one thing. 

I think I'm done. 

This is so hard and when I finally feel resolution in my decision I get flooded with guilt. I know my husband loves me, he would spend the rest of our lives the way we are, but I can't. 

I want more. 

We have a appointment with our therapist today and I think I may have the courage to finally say I want out. I'm nervous and confused but I feel myself becoming colder and meaner towards my husband and that's not who I want to be. If anyone has any helpful advice I would really appreciate it.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Two pieces of advice. First, you say you THINK you're done, so screw up the courage to be honest and say how you feel. And secondly, prepare to waver in your decision, and re-think, because sometimes saying things out loud relieves the pressure and we find ways to try to work towards a solution. It may not happen, however. It may be that you say it out loud to the therapist and you go from "I think I'm done," to "I'm sure I'm done." But be honest with your husband. It sounds like you've done more than your fair share of being open to solutions, so you may find that you are relieved to accept you've done all you could, all that's within your control.

And I think it is compassionate of you to feel guilt since your husband loves you so much, but I think guilt is appropriate only if you've done something wrong. You sound like a nice person and a decent human being, so I wish you well. Keep us posted.


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## Imovedforthis (Dec 18, 2015)

I don't think that being upfront with him will make you start being colder and mean towards him. 
I think that NOT being honest about how you feel with him will make you colder and meaner towards him. You'll just slowly start to resent him more. So I would suggest being upfront and tell him. 

Would you still want to be with him if he changed all the things that annoy you? 

I think you should just sit him down and tell him how you are feeling. I tell my husband.. All the time. Ok maybe not all the time, but he is always aware when I am not happy in our marriage. There are no surprises over here. I tell him why, tell him I can't live like this forever etc etc.... 
He always responds nicely and we talk about things and how things can change to help things at the moment. I usually feel a little better after the talks. 
So just tell him... Maybe he will change some things, maybe he won't.. either way he will know you had felt this way if you do choose to leave him. 


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Lovey011 said:


> ...I get flooded with guilt. I know my husband loves me, he would spend the rest of our lives the way we are, but I can't.


When I finally realized my wife had walked, she had been checked out of our relationship for 15 YEARS or so. Imagine what happened to me when that kick in the gut happened? 

MY PAST CHANGED!

Yes, you read that correctly. Imoveable, unchageable carved in granite, but it still changed. It was all a lie. 

And the kicker? I was almost 50. 3 kids heading straight into college. Fatter, balder, older, angrier than I was almost 20 years ago when she could have set me free. But she didn't. And here I am today. No prospects of ever finding love again.

Oh, and imagine how miserable SHE'S been these 15 years or so.

It would have killed me at the time. But I'd be happy now. So would she.

Staying for the kids is bad enough. Staying for your husband just makes zero long term sense. For either of you.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/69167-crossroads-need-help.html

It's approaching the three year anniversary of your first post on the subject. Think you'll actually DO something by then?

Time to set him free.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

First thing you should do is to attend your appointment with your husband and address your concerns. Also, have a private talk with your husband to tell him how you feel and what has been bothering you. Is he a good man to you? Does he usually make you happy? Maybe he will be willing to help make it work. Please come back to update!


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