# Single Men & The Married Woman



## CuriousAngel (Apr 1, 2014)

Can someone answer me as to why the single man sees married women attractive? Or approachable? Is it that they sense the woman is unhappy in her current relationship? Or they think they can be the knight in shining armour? What is there to gain? Can a single man have a platonic relationship with a married woman? When I say a single man I mean the man can be dating, have other women friends, plays the field, etc.?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I foresee this being a long thread. 

(Runs off to put on a pot of tea).


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Short answer... Easy no strings sex. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

There's a thread about this exact topic in CWI.Take a look at those responses.


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## Pufferfish (Sep 25, 2013)

CuriousAngel said:


> Is it that they sense the woman is unhappy in her current relationship? Or they think they can be the knight in shining armour? What is there to gain? Can a single man have a platonic relationship with a married woman? When I say a single man I mean the man can be dating, have other women friends, plays the field, etc.?


If the woman is unhappy in her relationship, it just makes her easier game. 

As for the shining armour thing, you are assuming that the guy gives a cr*p about her well being. Of course he doesn't, otherwise he wouldn't be grooming her. 

The gain is obvious - free sex without commitment. Because the whole deal already irresponsible, there is no responsibility. That's why there are a whole slew of stories where the other man forgoes stuff like protection. Get pregnant or contract a STD? It's her tough luck and her problem to deal with lest her husband finds out. 

Platonic to a point perhaps. I read somewhere that typical men more often than not hang around women for one reason and one reason only. I happen to agree.


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## CuriousAngel (Apr 1, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> There's a thread about this exact topic in CWI.Take a look at those responses.


Can you please post the link to the post please?


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

CuriousAngel said:


> Can someone answer me as to why the single man sees married women attractive? Or approachable? Is it that they sense the woman is unhappy in her current relationship? Or they think they can be the knight in shining armour? What is there to gain? Can a single man have a platonic relationship with a married woman? When I say a single man I mean the man can be dating, have other women friends, plays the field, etc.?


I think as humans it registers to us if someone is attractive regardless of their relationship status. How we handle it is a whole different matter. 

Regarding the shining armor comment that is off base in opinion. If a single man is pursuing a married woman its because he wants to get laid. He only appears to be a knight in shining armor because she probably told him everything her husband is doing wrong.

Can he be friends with a married woman. Absolutely. Just not my wife...


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## CuriousAngel (Apr 1, 2014)

Pufferfish said:


> Platonic to a point perhaps. I read somewhere that typical men more often than not hang around women for one reason and one reason only. I happen to agree.


Well I guess I am just lucky because I have 2 particular male friends (one married, one single) and nothing has ever happened in the 3 years I have known them.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

CuriousAngel said:


> Well I guess I am just lucky because I have 2 particular male friends (one married, one single) and nothing has ever happened in the 3 years I have known them.


That's an odd way to put it. Why would anything happen?


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## CuriousAngel (Apr 1, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> That's an odd way to put it. Why would anything happen?


I guess I was saying it in that matter because of what Pufferfish said. Typically men more often than not hang out with women for one reason and one reason only. Also you, yourself, mentioned that a single man that hangs out or talks to a married woman is wanting/looking to get laid. I agree that the odds are in that favor, but, it has not happened to me with the two males friends I forementioned.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

CuriousAngel said:


> Can someone answer me as to why the single man sees married women attractive? Or approachable? Is it that they sense the woman is unhappy in her current relationship? Or they think they can be the knight in shining armour? What is there to gain? Can a single man have a platonic relationship with a married woman? When I say a single man I mean the man can be dating, have other women friends, plays the field, etc.?



Single men see an easy lay with no repercussions in a married woman.

She isn't going to be storing crap all over your bathroom sink, she isn't going to be spending the night, she isn't going to be *****ing about you staying out late etc..etc..

A single man can of course be platonic friends with a married woman.
Not MY married woman but someone elses certainly..


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

tacoma said:


> *A single man can of course be platonic friends with a married woman.
> Not MY married woman but someone elses certainly..*


Ughhh....this topic makes me feel like such a neanderthal. In the area of the south I grew up in, it was even considered disrespect to walk into a married man's house if his wife was home alone. On the flipside a woman wouldn't walk into her friend's house if the wife wasn't home.

Admittedly though I have allowed it in the past because the guy resembled Patton Oswalt, but even that came back to bite me because he developed "feelings". We've pretty much decided its just not good for us.


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## CuriousAngel (Apr 1, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> Admittedly though I have allowed it in the past because the guy resembled Patton Oswalt, but even that came back to bite me because he developed "feelings". We've pretty much decided its just not good for us.


I'm confused a little bit here..are you male or female? The way you stated "he developed feelings" makes me think you are female. On the flip side, he could have developed "feelings" for your wife and you are male. :scratchhead:


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## CuriousAngel (Apr 1, 2014)

moyechua said:


> There's a thread about this exact topic in CWI.


I'm trying to find the thread.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

CuriousAngel said:


> I'm confused a little bit here..are you male or female? The way you stated "he developed feelings" makes me think you are female. On the flip side, he could have developed "feelings" for your wife and you are male. :scratchhead:


He developed feelings for my wife (he was also married though). My wife is a super nice person and they actually spent a lot of time together because of the mutual activities of our children. I'm definitely the jealous type but when I saw him my attitude was "meh, that would never happen". A mistake on my part.

Some men can misread the intentions of a woman. Just because she was nice to him and I work twelve hour days at a minimum, he got it in his head that my wife was married to some workaholic dude that wasn't giving her enough attention. Basically he was in a one way emotional affair with my wife. Just a cautionary tale. Just because you don't have bad intentions it doesn't mean that your friend doesn't.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Because there are known methodologies for boundary pushing and eventually bedding attached females. Google it. Its sickeningly simple.
1) Lower STD risk
2) IF she gets preggers there is a likely sucker to raise your kid for you and foot the bill.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> *Because there are known methodologies for boundary pushing and eventually bedding attached females. Google it. Its sickeningly simple.*
> 1) Lower STD risk
> 2) IF she gets preggers there is a likely sucker to raise your kid for you and foot the bill.


I have to ask. It does seem at least to me that a lot of the men here tend to believe that pick up artists have a lot of power. For whatever reason I'm a skeptic. Do you think a high percentage of happily married women would fall victim to "game"? Just curious. Actually thinking about starting a thread on it.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I have to ask. It does seem at least to me that a lot of the men here tend to believe that pick up artists have a lot of power. For whatever reason I'm a skeptic. Do you think a high percentage of happily married women would fall victim to "game"? Just curious. Actually thinking about starting a thread on it.


Great Point!!

I think one could fall victim to "game" if she is not being fed at home. I posted my story in the opposite sex friends thread. I was that wife that was vulnerable to an affair..the OM was married though and not single. A couple REALLY has to feed their spouses sexual and emotional needs.....give your spouse the full glass of water so they don't have to go looking a a dribble from someone else....


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## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

ReformedHubby said:


> I have to ask. It does seem at least to me that a lot of the men here tend to believe that pick up artists have a lot of power. For whatever reason I'm a skeptic. Do you think a high percentage of happily married women would fall victim to "game"? Just curious. Actually thinking about starting a thread on it.


Happily married? Maybe. Maybe innocent flirting, etc. but once it goes to the next level, I am not to sure. Unhappily, yes, the temptation is greater if they are not getting their wants and needs met at home.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

A single man can have no intention of pursuing a married woman, yet still have things in common as friends. I think it is just as common for married women in these situations to pursue the man, especially if there are problems at home. They will pursue A man if they have motivation to do so, and not pursue a man with whom they are already friends, if he does not meet their fundamental criteria.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> I think it is just as common for married women in these situations to pursue the man, especially if there are problems at home. They will pursue A man if they have motivation to do so, and not pursue a man with whom they are already friends, if he does not meet their fundamental criteria.


This is pretty common in my experience.

I don't know many men who will actively pursue a married woman simply because the possibility of rejection is so high.
Generally if a man is pursuing a married woman it's because he's been given signals that she's receptive.

Being married myself I have far more married women hit on me than single women.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Because there are known methodologies for boundary pushing and eventually bedding attached females. Google it. Its sickeningly simple.
> 1) Lower STD risk
> 2) IF she gets preggers there is a likely sucker to raise your kid for you and foot the bill.



3.) Thrill of the catch
4) Men are smart enough to know that most married women do not get "proper" attention from thier husbands, thus they are easy bait.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

BostonBruins32 said:


> 4) Men are smart enough to know that most married women do not get "proper" attention from thier husbands, thus they are easy bait.


But then that can be changed, right?


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

jld said:


> But then that can be changed, right?


can be changed. I just have heard on here and in real life that "my husband never tells me I'm beautiful" or "my husband never wants to go out and do something".

I'd honestly say the odds of bedding a married woman are better than a single woman. A married woman is like that crappy team that makes the super bowl. That team is just happy to be there (wife happy to have attention). The single woman is more likely still seeking something specific.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

ReformedHubby said:


> I have to ask. It does seem at least to me that a lot of the men here tend to believe that pick up artists have a lot of power. For whatever reason I'm a skeptic. Do you think a high percentage of happily married women would fall victim to "game"? Just curious.  Actually thinking about starting a thread on it.



It depends on your attitude.
I don't know any man who thinks of himself as a pick-up artist who has any actual luck with women.
I know many men who know how to put forward an attitude that women are drawn to.
These men are the actual pick-up artists but don't think of themselves that way.

I was just reading a thread in the relationship forum on Reddit.

This girl asked her boyfriend if it was ok with her going to lunch with her Ex.

In this free for all relationship culture we have going on now this puts the guy in a basically lose-lose position.

If he tells her he's not comfortable and asks her not to go he's labelled as controlling.
If he tells her he's ok with it he's taking a chance on being cuckolded.

This guy used classic pick-up techniques to let her know she shouldn't even consider dating an Ex (even asking was pretty self-centered on her part)

He told her go ahead, have a nice lunch.
(Pick-up:Confidence, disinterest)

Then the next time his Ex e-mailed him wanting to see him (she was doing this often but he was blowing her off) he agreed to breakfast, then texting, then going to her B-Day party.
(Pick-up: Pre-selection)

This of course was killing his girlfriend but she feared asking him to stop out of a perception of hypocrisy.
She set the precedent.
(Pick-up: Unspoken neg)

He used these concepts to teach her a lesson and drive her closer to him.

A week ago his girl was so comfortable that she thought nothing of asking her man if she could go on a date with an Ex.

This week she's out of her mind with jealousy and her perception of her man is that she can't live without him, she's terrified she's going to lose the best man she ever had.

Maybe not nice but very effective.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

BostonBruins32 said:


> I'd honestly say the odds of bedding a married woman are better than a single woman. A married woman is like that crappy team that makes the super bowl. That team is just happy to be there (wife happy to have attention). The single woman is more likely still seeking something specific.


This is also my experience.


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## SirLoin (Mar 24, 2014)

CuriousAngel said:


> Well I guess I am just lucky because I have 2 particular male friends (one married, one single) and nothing has ever happened in the 3 years I have known them.


It's not totally luck. You certainly have some control. However, propinquity is an established element of mate selection. Basically, you're attracted to the men you spend time with. If you're spending time with men you shouldn't be attracted to, you're risking developing an inappropriate attraction.

Look at it in terms of risk. You could insist that you're an excellent driver. But, if you drive on bald tires, you're at higher risk. If you drive 100mph, you're at higher risk. If you drive drunk, ditto. If you do all of the above, plus other risky behavior, you will likely have an accident sooner or later.


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## SirLoin (Mar 24, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> I have to ask. It does seem at least to me that a lot of the men here tend to believe that pick up artists have a lot of power. For whatever reason I'm a skeptic. Do you think a high percentage of happily married women would fall victim to "game"? Just curious. Actually thinking about starting a thread on it.


I think it depends on one's definition of game. Some believe that it's a simple script of pick-up lines that proponents guarantee will result in a same-night lay. Some believe that it's nothing more or less than appealing to the sexual/romantic preferences of women.

I think relatively few women are vulnerable to a scripted pick-up. I think most women are vulnerable to a man who appeals to most of their preferences.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

BostonBruins32 said:


> can be changed. I just have heard on here and in real life that "my husband never tells me I'm beautiful" or "my husband never wants to go out and do something".
> 
> I'd honestly say the odds of bedding a married woman are better than a single woman. A married woman is like that crappy team that makes the super bowl. That team is just happy to be there (wife happy to have attention). The single woman is more likely still seeking something specific.


I guess my point was that if married women are so vulnerable to affairs, because they are being taken for granted by their husbands, maybe the husbands could step up and change that. 

Women are always being told that men need sex, but men need to understand that women need attention. And just like many men don't like duty sex, women want some customized, made to order attention, too.

Not saying you are lacking here, just married men in general, if married women are so easy to lay.


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## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

SirLoin said:


> It's not totally luck. You certainly have some control. However, propinquity is an established element of mate selection. Basically, you're attracted to the men you spend time with. If you're spending time with men you shouldn't be attracted to, you're risking developing an inappropriate attraction.
> 
> Look at it in terms of risk. You could insist that you're an excellent driver. But, if you drive on bald tires, you're at higher risk. If you drive 100mph, you're at higher risk. If you drive drunk, ditto. If you do all of the above, plus other risky behavior, you will likely have an accident sooner or later.


Ok, so basically what you are saying is that she has to decide wether it is worth the risk of having friends of the opposite sex -vs- the potential of the attraction factor being inappropriate?

If she has been friends with these 2 males for over a couple years (one married, one single) and nothing inappropriate has taken place by this time in their relationship, don't you think the guys know that nothing ever will?


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