# At my wits end with husband! HELP!



## Blondie73104 (Sep 16, 2011)

Sorry for the long post in advance. I'm writing on here because I'm at my wits end and talking to friends and my parents is proving to be pointless, because it just makes them angry and in turn makes me more angry as well. My husband and his family had two dogs before we started dating. We didn't live together before getting married. When we did get married he moved in (of course) and one of the dogs came with him. The dog is a massive Victorian Bulldog, who is three years old. This was never discussed. I did not want to make an issue of it, I have never owned pets and never had the desire to own one. I wanted to give the dog a chance. Over the past year the dog has chewed up my kids shoes (I have two girls from a previous relationship), pooped and peed in our living room, hallway, both girls bedrooms, at the foot of our bed, in the basement, on expensive luggage, on piles of dirty clothes and everywhere else around the basement. He has ruined rugs and destroyed my couch and loveseat to the point that the couch looks disgusting. He isn't supposed to go on furniture, but if you're not paying attention to him every second, he jumps up on it, drooling and shedding all over. He pees on patio furniture, poops in the driveway, and jumps in flower beds and pees on them as well. We now have to pull several bushes out because he killed them. I recently had to buy a spray to hook up to the hose and clean the patio because it smelled of dog urine so bad. He also uses the kids playhouse and sandbox as his personal toliet. Before my husband moved in, my father helped me re do my kitchen. We laid down a new floor and painted the wood work, etc. The dog has scratched the floor with his long nails, my husband won't cut them because "the dog doesn't like it and he doesn't like doing it", and has also scratched the windowsill up. The dog has been an issue from the first month he got here. We have tried to talk about it several times and my husband constantly defends the dog. He refuses to discipline the dog. I end up cleaning up all these messes and even bathing the dog because my husband won't and he smells so aweful. (He claims the dog has sensitive skin). We have made the transition from the dog sleeping in our bedroom, which wasn't working, to him sleeping in a HUGE pen my husband constructed for him in our basement. The dog doesn't like the pen and will ram against it and whine when he's placed in it, so my husband will usually sit downstairs with the dog and falls asleep on the couch in the basement, with the dog... I am now 8 1/2 months pregnant with our child. On Mother's Day a neighboor brought over cookies she had baked for me. As I opened the door to let her in, the dog charged the door and started going nuts, I pulled the dog back by its coller so it won't knock the neighboor over or run out the door. My husband stormed out of the bedroom and screamed "don't ****ing treat my dog like that just because he isn't yours"...all of this in front of the neighboor. Needless to say, I was very upset. I recieved no apoligy and my husband sat in the basement sulking with the dog. Two days go by and we are arguing about the dog again. I tell him I want the dog gone and that it's getting to be too much. My husband was in the basement and I was at the top of the stairs in the kitchen. We were arguing back and forth. The dog races up the stairs and starts barking and jumping towards me and then on me...I screamed for him to get off or for my husband to get him off me. This went on for a good two minutes of the dog pouncing on me...I pushed the dog off of me and dragged him by the coller to the back dog and tried to put him outside, by this point the dog was trying to ram his way back inside, causing the outside door to break. My husband just stayed in the basement letting this all go on. I'M 8 1/2 MONTHS PREGNANT!!!! He just was yelling stop hitting my dog, which I was not, the dog was jumping on me and scratched my legs up. This was the final straw. I couldn't believe my husband defended the dog and not me. I called his mother and had her come and get him and the mutt. Over the next two days we talked about setting boundries for the dog, I said I wanted to get rid of him or have his parents take him back. He agreed to the boundries of the dog being put in the basement pen or outside. That lasted for 24 hours and the dog was back roaming the house doing whatever he pleased. We are now at the point where I told my husband that it's me and his son, or the dog. He does not understand why I don't want the dog in the house anymore...the dog attacked me, hello?!?!? I don't want to wait around for it to go after one of the kids or the baby. I clean up after it and I've worked too hard to let the house be destroyed any longer. Am I out of line here? My husband keeps defending the dog and makes the same empty promise to take better care of the dog (he's said this about 100 times over the past year)...am I being harsh? I don't want to deal with these problems anymore... I don't understand what the attatchment is to the dog. He's ruining our marriage. Should I take the dog to the pound? Should I call my inlaws myself and see if they will take him back? Sidenote: a year before we started dating my husband lived in Chicago with a friend and the dog was left at his parents house, so what's the issue now? Help? Advice? My parents and friends are angry at my husband because they see the way the dog has been ruining the house I worked really hard for (I was a single mom before and it took a lot of savings to purchase the house) and now with the dog jumping on me... Thanks!


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

Don't stress too much right now. Take care of your pregnancy first of all... That is the most imp thing, right?

As for the dog... How about his parents? How is your relation with them? Do they see the issues caused by the dog in your marriage? Have they talked about taking the dog back?

Other than dog related issues do you have any other problems with your husband. You mention he shouted at you in front of the neighbor, does he shout at you in front of others at other things as well? Does he loose his temper otherwise as well?

Also a general note since this is your first post.. if you break your post into paragraphs it would be easier for people to read.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I get a chuckle (not really) out people that put their love for an animal over the safety of their family.

It's irrational. It's like letting your dog french kiss you, putting it in a purse or pushing it around in a doggie stroller. It's a dog!

Stick to your guns. You're completely in the right.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I agree with you, Blondie. The dog has to go. Your husband should NOT have let him jump all over you, clawing and scratching. The dog is NOT trained, that much is obvious because he does what he wants when he wants... Now, if he INSISTS that the dog stay, tell him he has to train him. PERIOD. I, however, wouldn't go that route. Been there, done that. Care of the dog STILL fell to me, tho it was supposed to be HIS dog! Your safety and that of your baby are WAY more important than the dog. Now, if you can get his parents to take him back, and if your husband is willing to work with him/train him THERE, see if that would work. Otherwise, he should talk to friends about taking him... animal shelter as a LAST resort. But, yea, a lot of things need to change with this animal!


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## Gemwas (Apr 26, 2012)

As much as what your saying is rational and understandable, By the lack of discussion and setting out boundries from day one you totally let this situation occur, and by letting it occur you have just as much responsibility for sorting it out as your Husband does. 

He obviousley loves that dog, which is why he kept his mouth shut and hoped that the discussion did not take place, he hoped he could move him on in quietly and everything would be OK, and now that its not, hasnt got a clue what to do.

There is so much help out there for problem pets with behavior issues you describe, it just takes responsible and caring owners to find that help. Shutting him in the basement or outside is not acceptable and will just make his behavior worse!! This approach is likely to be welcomed by your husband and will throw a really good light on you for trying to work through this with him instead of him having to feel like you just hate his dog, stopping the arguments and bad feeling between you both.

To be fair to your husband and your marriage you need to make you position very clear and stick with it, if you cant find any middle ground that is fair to you, your husband and the dog then the poor thing needs to go to people that have the time, patience and level of fitness to deal with a dog that needs all of them, and by your description of him.This dog does.


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## Gemwas (Apr 26, 2012)

Oh! and er...If the dog goes under a stormcloud, thats got resentment and further marital problems written all over it.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Gemwas said:


> As much as what your saying is rational and understandable, By the lack of discussion and setting out boundries from day one you totally let this situation occur, and by letting it occur you have just as much responsibility for sorting it out as your Husband does.
> 
> He obviousley loves that dog, which is why he kept his mouth shut and hoped that the discussion did not take place, he hoped he could move him on in quietly and everything would be OK, and now that its not, hasnt got a clue what to do.
> 
> ...


I dunno. You have a point about setting the limits from jump. But it's been a year of constant turmoil where her husband clearly knows what the problem is and as an adult should be to seek a resolution for the safety of his wife, step daughters and unborn son. After a year of arguing I think it's on him to realize the dog has to go.

Letting your dog crap all over the house is disgusting. You're right to about training. But wouldn't that be someones first thought as soon as he saw his dog taking a dump all over the house? I think he thinks it's fine.


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## Blondie73104 (Sep 16, 2011)

Thanks for the advice so far! I'm going to stick to my guns with this one. My husband has been trying to be extra nice, but I know that's because he wants the dog to stay. I like the idea of the dog staying at his parents and him working with him there...which honestly I doubt he will do. I am very close with his parents and they are aware of the issues that the dog has been creating. I know that it's lack of training and that is my husbands fault. I've tried several things in order to get the dog to turn its behavior around, but my husband is never on the same team; underminding me everytime I try to put rules in place. As for the poster who asked if we have other problems, we do, put this dog is usually the main source. My husband has always been a VERY spoiled person, this coming from his own Mother's mouth... She said he would of made a perfect only child. I can't get him to do anything around the house without a fight. From taking down Christmas lights, to cutting the lawn, all of this puts my husband out. Now a month ago, our van broke down. We have the money to take care of it, but my husband has been sitting on the issue. After I have the baby, which could be ANYDAY!, I will be unable to leave my own house, because I cannot fit my kids into the other vehicle we have. I don't know anything about motors and shouldn't have to figure out this issue too. The van is sitting up on a hoist in a friend's garage waiting to be repaired...my husband just needs to get up and get the part. (He recently started working from home and has the time to do these things!) ARGH! I'm so frusterated.... Thanks for the advice everyone!


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## Gemwas (Apr 26, 2012)

Think the problems more with your husband than the dog. If he is like this now..whats he going to be like with parenting?

If an animal at 3 years old is still crapping in the house, thats a sign of health and / or anxiety problems.Or just serious lack of any positive attention and training and I feel really really sorry for him.Any dog owner will tell you that with regular walking and positive reinforcment, that doesnt happen past being a young pup.

Blondie, you sound really Tired, angry and totally negative towards the man you just married and in turn he sounds utterly selfish , and you should really be questioning wether bringing a baby into this is the right a responsible thing to do.

If I found myself in your situation, i would be asking him to leave with his pooch for the time being, while you ring your mum and dad and get their help while you have a baby. Because trust me honey, you will feel so much better with mum and dad about than you will with this man at the moment if he is really behaving like you say he is. You can only be a doormat if you lay down for people to walk over you.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

First off I agree that your husband should just get rid of the dog as he has no idea how to properly care for animals on top of the dogs behavioral issues. Not to mention training a dog takes consistency and discipline, neither of which seem to be a real strong suit for your husband (hope he's not the same way with your child when he/she gets older) 

He needs to learn that owning a pet entail so much more than giving it love.
I'm a pet groomer by trade with three dogs of my own and a toddler. The dogs are well trained, I'm working on the toddler lol. Anyways heres a few things a responsible pet owner should be doing to make sure their pet is happy healthy and well trained.

1. Walk your dog daily ( some dogs have more energy than others do adjust your walk accordingly, some digs even need two longer walks or one long walk and one long play session to keep their energy in check.)

2. Feed your dog decent food at least but the better the food the healthier the dog. Also a lot of dogs get skin issues due to allergies in crappy dog food full of dye and corn BS. ( higher quality food also means they eat less and poop less too!) 

3. Bathe your dog and trim its nails regularly( if the dig has sensitive skin you can pick up a hypoallergenic shampoo at a pet store , I've owned an English bulldog who needed monthly baths as well as a good cleaning of the flaps in his face to prevent smells and gross skin conditions that can happen to bulldogs who aren't well taken care of.

As far as nails go I can't tell you the amount of people who don't understand how painful it is to not trim their pets nails regularly. Painful for the dog because as the nails grow, more pressure from the weight of the dog will cause pain and can eventually cause permanent foot deformities. As a pet groomer I've seen so many messed up paws from this, also paws curling around and growing through the paw pad due to neglect. A good rule of thumb is if the nails touch the floor when the dog stands, it's time for a nail trim. FYI it takes quite a while and frequent grooming visits to get super long nails back in to shape. but it benefits the dog and owner both substantially because long nails are hell on human skin and painful hell for the dog who walks on them. (If you can't trim them yourself take him somewhere)

4. Train your dog with at least the basics. The basics being. Sit, stay, come, potty training, and generally not to be a nuisance(like jumping all over everyone) this is the hardest thing your husband would have to do to make his dog a wanted member of the family. I suggest treating it like a puppy again and feeding it at the same two times every day and taking up water after a certain time at night to prevent night time piddle breaks in the house. I also suggest he take his dog to a real dog trainer consistently since he can't even teach his dog the basics by himself. Crate training is a great idea , just remember it takes time and consistency. Crate training can take a couple weeks to get the dog used to its new situation. I could go On For days about training but I suggest you show him this post or get a good basic dog book for him.

Tell him if he is to keep the dog he has to do all these things any responsible pet owner would do. And if he fails to do this then you will be left with no choice but to get rid of the dog. Bad dogs come from bad owners, period. 

Remember...
-You didn't sign up for this
-This dog has harmed you and could easily harm your child accidentally(due to poor doggie manners) or intentionally (due to lack of training and even lack of exposure to small children)
-getting rid of the dog doesn't make you a bad person, in fact if you can find it a good rescue for bulldogs they will retrain it and give it to a home with people who will care for it properly(this is a best case scenario of course, but lots of bulldog rescues exist in my neck of the woods)
-If your husband was say your 15 year old child and took care of the dog in this manner, would the dog have been out of the house without question??
I ask this because your husband reminds me of a teenager, as he wants the benefits of having a dog without the responsibility involved. I don't normally condone just giving up on a dog like that but I'm guessing even if your husband decided to properly card for your dog it wouldn't last long anyways so...

Do yourself a favor, your unborn child a favor heck your home a favor and the dog a favor by finding it a better home.


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## Blondie73104 (Sep 16, 2011)

Wow MrsOldNews! Thank you! I think I will print this out and show it to my husband... First, I've tried to take the dog for a walk on several occasions. My husband hids the leash saying "Nikko doesn't do good on walks". This is a lie, because I know his Mother walked the dog nightly! He thinks the dog will over power me... I'm sure I'm able to handle it...I'm 5`7 and 170 lbs when not pregnant, I'm not a wimp. He's never gone on a walk in the past year, and that's due to my husband not letting me or taking him! I've also told him about the feeding. He bought the dog a GIGANTIC bowl and fills it with food for the dog to gorge out on. The nails are a huge issue. I've been scratched so many times and yes I do feel bad for the dog because they curl over to the floor...he's even broken his nails more than once causing them to bleed... If you love a dog why wouldn't you want it to be comfortable? I've even said that I would do it, but once again the nail clippers went "missing".... I am very tired and angry with this situation. I think that the dog needs to find a new home, because like other posters have said he isn't taking care of the dog and YES I did NOT sign up for this. I'm not a mean, cruel person, I just value my home and the people in it and am sick of the disrespect. Thank you again!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I have two large young dogs (90lb doberman and 80lb golden/shepherd mix) and they would act the same way if my H and I let them! 

It takes consistentcy, crates, daily trianing and lots of exercise just so they are manageable on a day to day basis. My H and I work full time but have no kids and it is still quite a chore to manage these dogs. I couldn't even imagine trying to do this being pregnant and with other kids in the house. 

If he really loves the dog and wants to keep it he HAS to adopt some basic animal care taking skills. If you guys dont' have a crate, I highly reccommend it too. It really helps with housetraining and gives a place to securly keep the dog when needed (like when guests come over). Your idea of daily walks will also help manage some of the pent up energy. 

It's going to take alot of work, especially since the dog seems to run the house now. It will take EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY to implement rules and boundaries and be consistent or the dog will not really get any better. It should be a part of the family. If that can't happen and if your H won't do anything to make the situation better, maybe the dog should find another home. But it does seem like your H doesn't seem to want to take any responsibility to make the situation better


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## Gemwas (Apr 26, 2012)

Your Husband is being very selfish, and actually very mean. To you your family and the Doggy.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

I seriously, seriously doubt that this is about the dog.

_"When we did get married he moved in *(of course)*"_

What's the "of course" about? What are you trying to say? Was your husband less financially well off than you, not as ambitious as you? Why did he move in (of course)?

_*talking to friends and my parents is proving to be pointless, because it just makes them angry *_

How is your husband ever going to have a normal relationship with your family and friends after you painted him as crazy? Whatever your problems are with your husband, demonizing him to your friends and family is NOT going to help you get him to agree with you. He will dig in his heels even further. Give him the ultimatum and you might not like what he chooses.

Your post was not that long, but what little you posted makes it obvbious that there are other issues at the real root of this problem. I suggest going to marriage counseling, not to talk about the dog, but to talk about your relationship.


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## Blondie73104 (Sep 16, 2011)

Will Kane:
I wrote of course, because of course we would live together after being married...in no way was I trying to state that one of us is financially better off than the other. Finances are not our issue. My family and friends love my husband, they are upset that my husband is acting in the way that he is. Thanks for the advice???


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Blondie,

Your only complaint seems to be about the dog.

Your husband's behavior regarding the dog is so extremely horrible that nobody would believe it if they saw it on a reality TV show. Completely over the top.

You say he lived apart from the dog in another city for a year.

I assume you thought he was a pretty normal guy before you married him.

I also assume that you have no major complaints other than the dog.

Yet his behavior regarding the dog is almost certifiably nut-house crazy.

Given that scenario, my take is that your husband is using the dog as a way to take out his resentment, anger, hurt - I don't know what, but something - on you. There is something, somewhere in the relationship that is causing the behavior. I don't think it is about the dog.

Also, in my opinion, there is no way you could describe your husband's insane behavior with that dog to your friends and family and expect them to ever look at your husband the same way again. It will affect your relationship with your husband and with your family and friends going forward.

Also, to me, there is a difference between "we got married and he moved in" and "we got married and he moved in (of course)"; the "of course" adds a hint of resentment in my opinion, like "we went out and I paid for dinner (of course)."

You came here looking for advice, I'm not trying to be mean or argumentative, but that's how I see it.

My advice is to get marriage counseling. If you really think it's really about the dog, your husband needs to see a therapist.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Blondie- I kind of agree with Will Kane. It seems like there are some bad dynamics running through your marriage.

As you describe things, your husband is being very unreasonable with respect to the dog. 

Based on what you have written, it sounds like neither one of you has a very good handle on matters canine. Although it sounds like you actually have a better handle on how to work with a dog than your husband does.

So here are some suggestions and observations for you to consider.

You might consider sitting hubby down and explaining that certain things need to change or else Nikko the dog is moving in with the Grandparents. Know in advance what changes need to happen, and WRITE THEM DOWN! Things like "Nikko must be walked once every day, and I'll do it, but you can't hide the leash." Or "Nikko and YOU need to attend basic obedience classes to learn some commands and bowel control."

With respect to Nikko charging you and bouncing around, I would like to humbly point out that if he wanted to attack you, he would have bit you. Bulldogs are "bite and hold" animals- he would have latched on and not let go. So please understand that even though you may feel like he was attacking you, he was not, based on the way you described it, actually acting with nearly as much aggression as he is capable of. When dogs attack, they don't goof around- they go for maximum damage. So I just don't think he was attacking you.

Its okay to be worried about how he will do with the baby. He does not have a sense that your husband is the "alpha," so there is some question as to how he will do with the baby. Generally, dogs like a bulldog do well with little kids.

Don't listen to the lady talking about her 90 pound Doberman- she only thinks she has a big dog, because she doesn't have a 203 pound English Mastiff like some people do. My wife was very concerned about how our mastiff would do with a baby, and he does fine. The worst he has done has been to get slobber on my son's hand as he is feeding him milkbones.

Consider getting Nikko snipped. That will take some of the vigor out of him and probably make him quit pissing everywhere.

All of these actions will basically allow you to get better control of Nikko and inhibit his behaviors that you find objectionable. As another poster noted, bad pets are a result of bad owners, which your husband currently qualifies as being.

In the mean time, it really does sound like you and your husband have some problems that are not being addressed besides the dog. You paint him out to be a whiny selfish little b*tch, with you being nothing but reasonable. There is no such thing as a reasonable 8-1/2 months pregnant lady. For the sake of everyone involved, I urge you to get some counseling going with your husband to reduce the anger between you.

If all else fails, keep a stick handy to clobber the dog and the husband as necessary


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I have three large dogs. Two are over 100lbs. The smaller one is 55 lbs. They are not prefect and get rambunctions much in the way 5 year old kids will. But we do not have the distruction, filth and chaos with all three dogs that you describe with one dog.

I agree with the others. The issue here is that your husband has not put the time into learning how to train his dog and get things under control. You and your children would also need to learn some things about how to 'train' a dog.

It's a good idea of the dog going back to his parents and you telling him that when the dog has learned to live in a home and he has learned to have his dog groomed and behaving correctly you will consider having the dog back. This puts all responsibility on your husband.

You could even make the dog training a family activity that would bring all of you closer as you all learn now to deal with a big dog who has no idea what is expected of him right now.

BTW, the sleeping arrangement for the dog is not good. Dogs are pack animals. They should sleep near their pack. There are metal crates that can be more portable. Teaching the dog to sleep in the crate near family is a good way to keep the dog feeling like he's not abandoned. 

My dogs all sleep where they choose in the house now (we used crates when they were young). Mostly they sleep where they can guard our bedrooms... they like to keep an eye on our family while we sleep. Their vigilance has kept our family safe a few times.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Sounds like there's some kind of weird power struggle going on here. He won't take care of the dog and hides things so you can't? 

The dog is the least of your problems. Although, as your husband is being neglectful and cruel to it, the best thing old be to send it back to his parents' place, if. They'll take it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blondie73104 (Sep 16, 2011)

Thanks for the advice everyone. Underneath it all, there is a power struggle going on and I'm not sure why. My husband and the dog are now staying at his parents house. The dog charged me again. Like the one poster stated, if they wanted to attack, they would. Even though the dog did not latch onto me, I still do not want an animal around myself or my family that is displaying this type of aggressive behavior. My husband thinks that I want everything to be my way. I'll admit, I'm hormonal and emotional right now being pregnant. I'm a neat freak and l like things to be in order. My husband is a good guy. There are so many qualities that I do love about him and appreciate. This is our first year of marriage and I've had people tell me it is by far the hardest. Someone stated that the behavior is unbelievable and over the top. I'll agree with that, because it is and that's why I'm sitting here right now in my home, alone... 

I don't understand the power struggle. I don't mean to paint my husband as a whiny ***** (like someone said), but he is really being that way over a dog. I personally have never had dogs myself, but in the past have lived with dogs, big dogs like this one. The lack of training is the issue. I hope we can come to some type of resolution.


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## Posse (Jan 30, 2012)

It is a shame to see a dog like this when 20 minutes of training 2x a day and constant correction of bad behavior could eliminate these problems inside of three weeks.....probably 2 weeks.

Dogs, like kids, like spouses, need boundaries and consistent correction of good behavior and praise for good behavior.

If your husband can't control a dog, how can he expect to properly raise a child?


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

Blondie73104 said:


> Thanks for the advice everyone. Underneath it all, there is a power struggle going on and I'm not sure why. _*My husband and the dog are now staying at his parents house.*_ The dog charged me again. Like the one poster stated, if they wanted to attack, they would. Even though the dog did not latch onto me, I still do not want an animal around myself or my family that is displaying this type of aggressive behavior. My husband thinks that I want everything to be my way. I'll admit, I'm hormonal and emotional right now being pregnant. I'm a neat freak and l like things to be in order. My husband is a good guy. There are so many qualities that I do love about him and appreciate. This is our first year of marriage and I've had people tell me it is by far the hardest. Someone stated that the behavior is unbelievable and over the top. I'll agree with that, because it is and that's why *I'm sitting here right now in my home, alone...*
> 
> I don't understand the power struggle. I don't mean to paint my husband as a whiny ***** (like someone said), but he is really being that way over a dog. I personally have never had dogs myself, but in the past have lived with dogs, big dogs like this one. The lack of training is the issue. I hope we can come to some type of resolution.


*I feel OP's husband should take care of OP right now no matter who is right or wrong in the dog issues. He should not be staying with the dog at his parents house! OP is 8 1/2 months pregnant!!* Dog issues can be postponed for later... 

OP, When is your husband planning to come back from his parent's house? If you are alone and he is planning to be away for few days etc, call your parents, friends or someone for company. I don't know what advice to give you right now, apart from 'take care of yourself and don't fret over dog issues for some more time'. If OP's husband would have been the one posting on TAM I would have had more to say.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

WTF??? Your HUSBAND left with the dog even though you're pregnant? 

And OP you are incorrect about the first year of marriage being the hardest...it's the easiest! It's the honeymoon phase. He should be kissing your feet.


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## MLady10 (Jul 1, 2012)

I have had dogs through out most of my life, have been working with children for 13 years, and have a 10 year old step daughter and currently 2 dogs . I understand your frustration with your current dog situation. Believe it or not, dogs and children seem to learn and gain respect for "parents" in very much the same way. Rather than give your hubby an altimatum, sit down and discuss expectations for the dog's behavior and divide responsibilty for care of the dog, as you would for your kids. Take into consideration your husbands attachment to the dog. When dogs are trained properly and good relationships are formed, they do become part of the family. You still have time to take control because your pup is still young.

First and foremost, stay calm. Keep in mind, dogs, like young children, function best on a schedule. Follow through is key in teaching children and dogs what expectations are. While most children will respond to verble cues, dogs respond better to body language. Stand your ground. Dogs are pack animals and each pack has an alpha. Right now, it sounds like you pup has taken that role. In order to gain your role as "pack leader", you have to set expectations for the dog, especially with children in the home. 

If he jumps (which is not attacking, but trying to dominate), push him down or turn your back to him and give him a consistant command ("off" or "no"). Praise him with a treat or scratch between the ears immediately after he has all 4 feet on the ground. Each time he does it, repeat the process. If the jumping become to much at the moment, physically, but gentley, push the dog down to the floor so that he is sitting or laying down. Simply by standing over him for a few seconds, will begin to give you the the authoritative role. Also, take 5 or 10 minutes a day to teach the dog to sit, lay down and stay. Remembering that each time the dog complies (with or without your "help"), to immmediately praise him. 

I would also suggest kennel training your dog. Chose a crate that allows the pup enough room to stand, turn around, and lay down comfortably. The crate should never be used for dicipline, but should become a "safe place" for him. Introduce the crate with treats and favorite toys, starting with a few minutes at a time. Place a dog bed or blanket in the crate too. This area becomes like a dogs "den." If he crys or barks while in the crate, ignore the behavior and let him out as soon as he is quiet for a 5 or 10 seconds and lavishly praise him with treats, petting, or play time. This should also be the place he goes when your not home, cannot watch him consistantly, and at night for bed. 

I understand that it is not easy to want to develop a positive relationship with the dog, but it seems that is might save your marriage and a dog can become a cherished part of the family. Include your family in training the dog so that the 
"leader" role can be distributed to all of you. 

Good Luck!


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