# comments on mens bikini or nude viewing habits



## lifeisbetterthanalternat (Apr 24, 2012)

I have been reading many posts as it relates to porn think it is a complicated issue. I have stopped looking at "hardcore porn" because of my wife's objections. I still enjoy the bikini, topless variety even if it is just the sports illustrated swimsuit stuff or more tame stuff. 

I have noticed that some men take the position “all men do it and women should get over it”. While this may have some elements of truth...it is hardly helpful to the women that are hurt by men’s solo, visual pursuits, even if we believe this to be the case. Men should be a little understanding as most women hold the notion that they are expected to be beautiful and be the solo cause of our arousal. Understandibly, us being aroused by another women (even the images of another woman) can be threatening. It is also based upon some lack of understanding. This is a topic that will likely cause misunderstanding/hurt but, perhaps some mutual understanding and respect can help mitigate some of the problems this matter causes. Some of the problem is that women equate men looking at other women for arousal/release as indicative of the following:.

1)	An indication that we are not happy and would rather be with someone else. 
This is not true, I have been in a number of relationships (including my marriage) where I am very happy, attracted to them. Happy with our sex, etc. 

2)	That we want to be with the person in the picture/video. 
Perhaps this is true of some men but, for me..I don’t think “wow..I want to f#%% her” I just thing “nice boobs, butt, and pretty face (all or some of these) and these visuals arouse me. Men can separate the sex (or in this case the body parts) from the women connected with them. 

3)	Men who do this are more likely to cheat. 
I think EXACTLY the opposite. If my wife is secure with herself and makes her sexy. Insecurity is largely a turn off. Furthermore, if my wife allows me to relieve myself with the use of visuawith relatively little consequence) that would likely make me less likely to seek novelty in more potentially dangerous, hurtful ways. 

I had purchased Magic Mike for my wife. She went to see it with her girlfriend and molested me when she came home. Occasionally, we will watch it she get aroused but, feels we should not “need this sort of thing. I would love to be able to enjoy porn with her. Hell, I would watch ANYTHYING if it got her motor running. If she wants to get her jollies (alone or with me) while she looks at/ thinks of a shirtless Chatem Tanning (or other partially clothed or naked man) that would fine with me.

I guess my question is if there is a way to make my wife feel more secure so she is not threatened by this.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Most women don't look much like the photoshopped photos of "hot" women. Some of us are insulted that our partners spend all kinds of time looking solely at airbrushed body parts for arousal purposes, because, duh, we can't look like that, ever, as we are human and not photoshopped. Then we wonder how our men can possibly be attracted to us since we look nothing like their preferred photoshopped body parts. We feel like they must be grudgingly settling for our ordinary body parts, and they really want the photoshopped ones they look at to masturbate to. And that makes us feel so very unsexy that having sex becomes less appealing.

Maybe men want to defend their photoshopped babes as meaningless so that it can be accepted by their wives, but if they want to understand their wives, they need to try to understand how they feel instead of dismissing their feelings as wrong.

I usually don't care about this stuff, but my SO doesn't waste his time on photoshopped masturbation materials. If he did, I'd care a lot.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

norajane said:


> Most women don't look much like the photoshopped photos of "hot" women. Some of us are insulted that our partners spend all kinds of time looking solely at airbrushed body parts for arousal purposes, because, duh, we can't look like that, ever, as we are human and not photoshopped. Then we wonder how our men can possibly be attracted to us since we look nothing like their preferred photoshopped body parts. We feel like they must be grudgingly settling for our ordinary body parts, and they really want the photoshopped ones they look at to masturbate to. And that makes us feel so very unsexy that having sex becomes less appealing.
> 
> Maybe men want to defend their photoshopped babes as meaningless so that it can be accepted by their wives, but if they want to understand their wives, they need to try to understand how they feel instead of dismissing their feelings as wrong.
> 
> I usually don't care about this stuff, but my SO doesn't waste his time on photoshopped masturbation materials. If he did, I'd care a lot.


:iagree:


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## WhitsEnd (Dec 5, 2014)

Some thoughts on this from an evolutionary anthropological point of view...

Chimps and bonobos, our closest relatives, are not monogamous at all. If we indeed shared a common ancestor there is plenty of reason to think that monogamy has been a recent development with possible cultural rather than biological roots. Kind of like planting seeds in the ground, tending to them, and then harvesting them was unnatural at first but ended up becoming something very advantageous to our species. Monogamous societies are going to be more socially equitable than societies where a few wealthy men (or women as in some cases) have multiple spouses while the poor are lucky just to have one. Socially equitable societies, where everyone has some sort of voice/the vote/whatever are going to be a lot more stable. With that being said, if you think about our hstory, a majority of cultures as recently as Bible times were not strictly monogamous. Most wealthy men had more than one wife while many younger and poorer men had none. In medeival times the concept of courtly love evolved which idealized romantic affairs outside of ones own marriage. Also,there seems to be a correlation in nature between testes size and monogamy/polygamy. It might be totally unromantic but humans fall in the polygamous category.

Humans are also visual creatures. Sight is our primary sense, as opposed to say hearing or smell. Men are naturally programmed to be interested in partners that give off an impression of good health and fertility. The details may change from time to time, such as men preferring women with more weight in eras and regions where food is difficult to come by, or slim women in eras and regions when the opposite is the case.

Why do I bring this up in a topic about men looking at other women? I think it's important to understand the science behind the way we act. I hope that this doesn't offend anyone. I'm still not 100% sold on the idea myself as I'd like to believe that the earth is only so many thousands of years old and that men are only like this due to sin nature, but there does seem to be a lot of scientific evidence for polygamy being more instinctive than monogamy.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

*Re: Re: comments on mens bikini or nude viewing habits*



lifeisbetterthanalternat said:


> I don’t think that the answer “all men do it and women should get over it” is helpful to the women that are hurt by men’s solo, visual pursuits, even if we believe this to be the case. Men should be a little understanding as most women hold the notion that they are expected to be beautiful and be the solo cause of our arousal. Understandibly, us being aroused by another women (even the images of another women) can be threatening. It is also based upon some lack of understanding. This is a topic that will likely cause misunderstanding/hurt but, perhaps some mutual understanding and respect can help mitigate some of the problems this matter causes. Some of the problem is that women equate men looking at other women for arousal/release as indicative of the following:
> 
> 1)An indication that we are not happy and would rather be with someone else.
> This is not true, I have been in a number of relationships (including my marriage) where I am very happy, attracted to them. Happy with our sex, etc.
> ...


So what's the mandatory "SIM" question? 

C


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