# May have bought myself a little more time...



## silveryposter (Jul 30, 2011)

Previously, I had asked wether to fight for my marriage or resign to my wife's insistence that it was over. There is a lot of detail over here if you're interested. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/29255-fight-resign.html

After doing some heavy thinking, and running a few things by my counselor, I decided to take a different approach. My wife and I sat down and I, very gently for the most part, told her that I was not leaving. I couldn't, for my own sanity, walk out on my children without knowing there was no possible way to make it work between her and I. Initially, she was furious, as we had "agreed" that we were done and I was going to plan to move out. However, I didn't really agree I just didn't want to rock the boat. She felt that I was reneging on a deal, and was threatening taking half her stuff if she wouldn't do what I asked. 

While it did get heated for the first hour, she did eventually calm down and we were able to talk. My request was that we attended MC together to, if nothing else, mend our relationship and build our communication. She did get a little hung up on the Marriage part of MC, since she has already decided that she was done, but after I changed it to Relationship Counseling, she understood a little better.

Two hours later, we had shared some laughs as well as tears and regrets. We connected and saw things clearer than we had in a long time. Since the birth of our first child, when I became a SAHD, I slowly but surely lost my man-card. My therapist brought up a great point which I then repeated: we had always been putting kids first, when sometimes you need to put your marriage first. We had forgotten to evaluate the family as whole. If we had recognized hat I was sinking into depression because I wasn't working or pursuing my education or any of the various things that made me ME, it would have made a world of difference.

Of course, since we feed off each other, she also sank and so we ended up sinking together. None of this was recognized between us before the last week. I very much regret that I didn't see it earlier, but all we can do is move from here. I am trying to get my wife to repair our basic friend relationship through MC.

Now to the Question...

Her concern is that I am going to try to force her to be married to me through MC. I have said that while it isn't impossible that we will come out on the other side wanting to be married to each other, it is extremely unlikely. She more than agreed, and is willing to do it for my peace of mind. Since we finally understand each other and may be able to make actual progress in MC, does anyone think that our marriage may survive?


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Absolutely, but you will have to make it happen


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## silveryposter (Jul 30, 2011)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Absolutely, but you will have to make it happen


Absolutely, however my wife does not respond well to any pushing, real or perceived, once she's made up her mind. It will have to happen naturally. Since I've got the physical part of Man Up under wraps, I've really been focusing on the emotional part. I am just hoping (probably shouldn't do that) that we can reconnect in a way that makes us emotionally attracted to each other again. Honestly, since going through all this, if things didn't change I would want to go our separate ways. It's just that, as I said, we understood each other and what happened for the first time in a long time earlier this week. It felt good and gave me what I hope is not false hope.

Regardless, I'm continuing my journey. I'll continue to be the best man I can be. I won't be asking anything of her beyond MC; we'll just have to see where it takes us.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Oh, you have a VERY good shot. My wife was DONE 10 months ago. We have now become extremely good friends and divorce is not even mentioned or talked about. Once the emotional walls start to come down for both of you, there is a rediscovery process. It takes extremem patience from you, but it is so worth it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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