# Disorganized wife



## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

Have any of you had luck coming up with a system to really manage the household? My husband does plenty and sometimes he does more then me so it isn't that I have to do it all. The kids want chore charts to earn money but we do them for awhile and then get busy and stop checking them off or enforcing. Basically we get it done eventually but there is no routine or system and it seems like the house is never as organized or neat as it should be (which I don't think it needs to be perfect but we ALL function better when things are looking nice and in their proper place). We spend to much time getting it back in order rather then maintaining order. I know this would help our lives as parents, our marriage, our jobs, everything but I just can't seem to get a system or kick my butt to keep up with it. Tried flylady and it was too tedius for me. Any ideas?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Dont know how old you kids are, any system has to be geared for their age.

Here's what I did. Lowered standards! Seriously! It's great having a tidy and perfect home and all, but when it's all said and done, no one looks back and thinks, gee I wish I had spent more time keeping a clean home!


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## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Dont know how old you kids are, any system has to be geared for their age.
> 
> Here's what I did. Lowered standards! Seriously! It's great having a tidy and perfect home and all, but when it's all said and done, no one looks back and thinks, gee I wish I had spent more time keeping a clean home!


Oh, I seriously agree with you about not having superneat standards. For us though when there are piles of laundry lying about or dishes piling up or we can't find the things we want it just seems like it drags everyone down and becomes a time waster. The kids are elementary to middle school so they have the ability to help and want to but like any kids they needs some follow through from parents to make it a habit. I really want to give them the gift of knowing how to keep a reasonable level of cleanliness and organization to their personal space but haven't mastered it myself:scratchhead:


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## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

Zanne said:


> Are you looking for other systems or plans? Or just inspiration? I've done flylady as well - too many emails. Although the one good lesson I learned from her was the benefits of a clean kitchen sink - very motivating!
> 
> Are you on Pinterest? Lots of good info there. Like most people, I have an organization board there too.
> 
> ...


I am definitely up for both inspiration and practical ideas and will check out the links you posted. thanks! I know for my kids it is really a lifeskill that I am not teaching them (my Mom while she kept up with things didn't have a super organized home either and taught us nothing-I went to college not knowing how to do laundry and today struggle to keep a house). I do work full time as does my husband. Everything is so much mentally happier after the house is cleaned (more often done by him then me). Even our love life improves when there is not all the physical 'stuff' cluttering and creating mental clutter!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I ignore their rooms for the most part. We use the "I cook you clean" rule for meals. No one leaves the kitchen until everything's put away. I used to have a laundry day, rent chick flicks and foreign films no one would watch. In the AM everything got washed and dried and I spent the afternoon folding and watching movies. 

Saturday is chore day, vacuuming, bathrooms... When they were younger we piled all their bedroom crap and they stood at the top of the stairs and caught what we tossed up to them. Then they had to put it away.

Middle school, give them a list of what you want done before they go to the movies, to the mall, or to a sleepover for both Friday and Saturday.

I think the big picture though is teaching them to "see" their own mess. And that's a long process.


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## Urban (Mar 29, 2013)

Every night, about 15 minutes before bedtime, we do a sweep of the house putting things back where they belong. 

I also do 1 hour/half hour bursts and challenge myself to see how much I can get done, that way I don't feel like housework eats up all my time.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

wifeiam said:


> Have any of you had luck coming up with a system to really manage the household? My husband does plenty and sometimes he does more then me so it isn't that I have to do it all. The kids want chore charts to earn money but we do them for awhile and then get busy and stop checking them off or enforcing. Basically we get it done eventually but there is no routine or system and it seems like the house is never as organized or neat as it should be (which I don't think it needs to be perfect but we ALL function better when things are looking nice and in their proper place). We spend to much time getting it back in order rather then maintaining order. I know this would help our lives as parents, our marriage, our jobs, everything but I just can't seem to get a system or kick my butt to keep up with it. Tried flylady and it was too tedius for me. Any ideas?


Maybe you could pay someone to do a deep cleaning every other week. Let them do that for a month or so then show the kids how much money they could have made if they had done the work themselves.

Also, I've found it helpful in my own life to seriously limit new objects that enter the house. The amount of clutter accumulating can become a serious distraction.


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## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

Thanks for the good input everyone. Even just now I had about 15 minutes to just work on straightening up and I just sat there and did nothing. It is like I am kind of paralyzed by indecision over what to do as there is so much or I feel like why bother, it will hardly make a dent and then there is still so much more to do. It makes me feel kind of depressed and incompetent. I would like to be one of those women that grab the bulls by the horn and orchestrate a plan to get this fixed. 

One thing is we have a really big house, if we move again we will get smaller because while a big house looks like a good idea it is easy to forget you have to keep that big house up! We are pretty good about not having too many possessions and we are always going through and donating stuff. It is like I need to make a list of what needs to be done each day to keep up and just develop some good habits about putting stuff away in its proper place and things like that.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

wifeiam said:


> Thanks for the good input everyone. Even just now I had about 15 minutes to just work on straightening up and I just sat there and did nothing. It is like I am kind of paralyzed by indecision over what to do as there is so much or I feel like why bother, it will hardly make a dent and then there is still so much more to do. It makes me feel kind of depressed and incompetent. I would like to be one of those women that grab the bulls by the horn and orchestrate a plan to get this fixed.
> 
> One thing is we have a really big house, if we move again we will get smaller because while a big house looks like a good idea it is easy to forget you have to keep that big house up! We are pretty good about not having too many possessions and we are always going through and donating stuff. It is like I need to make a list of what needs to be done each day to keep up and just develop some good habits about putting stuff away in its proper place and things like that.


For Christmas I bought my wife a roomba. If you're not familiar with it, it's a robotic vaccuum that will find it's way around your house and vaccuum everything. Before we go to bed we simply get everything off the floor but not necessarily put away. So, we put the kitchen table chairs on the table, throw anything laying around the living room on the couch, etc. When we wake up we at least have a clean floor. It makes the next step of putting everything away a little less intimidating.


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## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> For Christmas I bought my wife a roomba. If you're not familiar with it, it's a robotic vaccuum that will find it's way around your house and vaccuum everything. Before we go to bed we simply get everything off the floor but not necessarily put away. So, we put the kitchen table chairs on the table, throw anything laying around the living room on the couch, etc. When we wake up we at least have a clean floor. It makes the next step of putting everything away a little less intimidating.


We have looked into an auto vacuum, don't mind the cost if we are sure it would work. Do you love your model? Can you share what model it is and whether you recommend that one? Thanks!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Can you find some other, non-routine chore for your budding capitalists? Having them earn their own money is great but you're talking about normal housekeeping chores. You don't get paid to do them and neither does your husband. Your little Robber Barons need to learn that keeping your own house straight is just an expected part of being a civilized human being. I'm thinking a little car detailing, maybe some weed pulling, but getting paid to wash dishes they just stuffed their faces from? Don't think so. 
My dad was great at teaching basic living skills. He'd tell us what to do and if we wanted to keep living, we'd comply.


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## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> Can you find some other, non-routine chore for your budding capitalists? Having them earn their own money is great but you're talking about normal housekeeping chores. You don't get paid to do them and neither does your husband. Your little Robber Barons need to learn that keeping your own house straight is just an expected part of being a civilized human being. I'm thinking a little car detailing, maybe some weed pulling, but getting paid to wash dishes they just stuffed their faces from? Don't think so.
> My dad was great at teaching basic living skills. He'd tell us what to do and if we wanted to keep living, we'd comply.


haha, love the last line! Yes, there are certain things they already do because they just have to (emptying dishwasher, trash, that kind of thing). Just saying they would be willing to do more too and they want to earn money and I want them to so they can learn to manage it (we do where they use part for giving, part for saving, part for spending). I know that when a lot of women complain about the house it is that they have to do it all. Here the problem is more me and us lacking as a family a plan or leader in the management of the home.


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

wifeiam said:


> We have looked into an auto vacuum, don't mind the cost if we are sure it would work. Do you love your model? Can you share what model it is and whether you recommend that one? Thanks!


*Buy a Roomba, one on the upper end of the scale ($400ish). They are awesome!!*


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

They maybe rather than assign kids specific daily tasks, you could assign weekly (or monthly) zones and each child would be responsible for whatever specific tasks were associated with that zone. One kid gets kitchen, one gets living room, etc. You could modify the tasks for a given zone according to age and ability if there is a wide disparity among your kids. It'd be a lot simpler to say Johnny has bathrooms all week rather than itemize twenty possible chores. 
Want to be fun about it, you could give the kids important-sounding titles to go with their zones. The kid assigned kitchen/dining room can be the Head Chef or Mess Sergeant. The kid assigned to take out the trash could be Chief Sanitation Engineer. Bedroom detail could be Housekeeping Inspector.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

wifeiam said:


> We have looked into an auto vacuum, don't mind the cost if we are sure it would work. Do you love your model? Can you share what model it is and whether you recommend that one? Thanks!


I have the iRobot Roomba 650. It should cost in the neighborhood of $400. We are very pleased with it.


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## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> I have the iRobot Roomba 650. It should cost in the neighborhood of $400. We are very pleased with it.


thanks so much, I am going to to amazon and look for that model. Did you have to buy extra accessories or is this all in one package?


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## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> They maybe rather than assign kids specific daily tasks, you could assign weekly (or monthly) zones and each child would be responsible for whatever specific tasks were associated with that zone. One kid gets kitchen, one gets living room, etc. You could modify the tasks for a given zone according to age and ability if there is a wide disparity among your kids. It'd be a lot simpler to say Johnny has bathrooms all week rather than itemize twenty possible chores.
> Want to be fun about it, you could give the kids important-sounding titles to go with their zones. The kid assigned kitchen/dining room can be the Head Chef or Mess Sergeant. The kid assigned to take out the trash could be Chief Sanitation Engineer. Bedroom detail could be Housekeeping Inspector.


I actually did this last night! My son who already takes out the trash became the 'sanitation engineer' and he sure had an extra bounce in his step as he did his job. I am going to try to expand on that concept.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

A dry-erase board with the days of the week and everyone's names creating a grid. 

Choose things they can do every day like set the table, clear the table, etc. Assign it to ONE kid vs. rotating (gets too difficult to manage). 

I have a bench by the door with hooks over it. (I only have one but...) Each kid has hook for coat and book bag and bench under for misc. stuff like sports equipment or trombone case, etc. Homework gets done and bookbag hung back up ready to grab next morning.

Have a laundry basket for each kid - maybe color code handles with duct tape. At the end of every day after dinner but before bath (if that's your routine) each kid gathers up all of their stuff lying around and takes it to their room, puts those things away, loads up the basket with things that need to LEAVE the room (dirty clothes to laundry, empty juice box to kitchen trash). Empty baskets are then stacked in designated place before bedtime routine. 

That way everything is done every day.

White board - start by figuring out what each kid can do (3 kid example)

Weekly: 
youngest sets table; feeds dog 
middle kid loads dishwasher; walks dog
oldest kid washes things that don't go in dishwasher; takes out trash

No one watches TV, plays video games or gets cell phone until all of the chores are done. They will push each other to finish so they can have their fun.

When you do laundry, put everything in their color coded baskets. Since they MUST be emptied every night, let them decide when to do it. That way they feel in control and like you aren't hounding them. But you could always reward them for doing it promptly with a fruit juice popsicle or taking over one chore for them that week - just erase "load dishwasher" from by their name on Monday and put it by yours. 

In the summer we had something assigned every day. Monday I had to vacuum the living room while my sister dusted. Tuesday I had to mop the bathroom floor while sister had to wipe counter/sink and scrub toilet. Wednesday it was family room, Thursday it was kitchen. I always had the floors and my sister always had the surfaces (she is handicapped so she could do all of that sitting). I ironed, she folded.

Once you decide what works best for your family, it will be easier but I think a visual reminder is necessary so I always love my dry erase board.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

wifeiam said:


> thanks so much, I am going to to amazon and look for that model. Did you have to buy extra accessories or is this all in one package?


It pretty much had everything we needed. The only accessory I can think of is that they sell a virtual wall to keep it out of places, it comes with one.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Oh another technique a friend uses is clipboards on hooks on bedroom doors. Each kid has a clipboard with a pen on a string and a chart with a list of everything they *might* need to do that day. Before bed they have to check off: homework done, dirty clothes in hamper, clean clothes put away, etc. Before bed time kiss goodnight, Mom checks the list. The kid puts check marks in the box by each chore or "N/A" by things they didn't need to do (i.e. homework on a weekend). Then at the bottom Mom puts a sticky star. On the fridge is a sheet of paper with star 'values'

10 IN A ROW = gets ice cream after dinner Saturday
30 IN A ROW = gets a chore-free day of choice
50 IN A ROW = gets to choose what we have for dinner or picks a restaurant if eating out
100 IN A ROW = a reward like a new video game cartridge for video game, a new baseball glove, etc. 

There are also penalties - if they don't get a start that day no biggie. If they don't get a star 2 days in a row, then they lose 5 stars.


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## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

Thanks for the great ideas everyone. I am going to try to implement these this weekend. We started already telling them nobody leaves the kitchen til everything cleaned up. That helps and gives more family time! I love to hear what is working for everyone else. After taxes we are also going to get the roomba.


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## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

Thanks for the recommendation for the Roomba. We got one last weekend and I have been running that thing nonstop! It is awesome. Now if only I can find a robot to do other cleaning tasks!


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