# I don't know if to stay



## India83 (Feb 9, 2014)

I don’t really know when to start but I’m so miserable at the moment I would like to hear what you think. I don’t think I can go on any longer.
I have been married for nearly 6 years and I have two kids. I went out with my husband for a very short period of time before we decided to get married and soon after we got engaged I got pregnant. I always had a high sex drive and my husband claims to have high one as well. I was only 24 years old when we got married and my husband was only one year older therefore I believe we were quite immature and made mistakes but nothing major. I found it very hard when I caught him watching pornography when we were together for very short time and had sex every day. He also lied to me about a few non sex related issues that were quite major and it completely ruined my trust. I moved on from it as I always balanced things and he is a good person and there were things that I really appreciated about him. When our first one was 8 months old I found out I’m pregnant with the second child. Our sex life drifted away a little bit and I admitted recently that I neglected my husband’s needs during that time. When the second was on her way I was already resenting him for lying to me, for watching pornography despite of him knowing how I felt about it and back then. I like to believe that I was a good wife, caring and loving, he always had everything ready for him, not much responsibilities around the house. There are many small pieces that eventually took us to the place we are now. We didn’t talk, when I was on my maternity leave he was angry that I demanded his attention. He wanted time for himself. I was tired and I was still supposed to be ready and willing to have sex with him. My husband likes variation and he was quite selfish when it came to this part of our life back then however it changed recently when he started reading more and working on making it work between us. There was time when I wanted to spice the things up, used to buy nice underwear, used to dress up for him however I heard once that it is difficult to find me attractive when I cooked all the time. I stopped doing these things. It is probably worth to mention that despite of two kids, I kept myself in good shape and I turn heads around. We fight only about one thing constantly – sex. It is never enough for him. This problem keeps coming back. If it is not quantity, it is lack of variation, when I’m selfless and trying to satisfy him, I’m not passionate enough, when I’m forthcoming and trying to do what can please him, he tells me he is tired of telling me what he wants and I should do it without asking because I know what he likes. It feels that I can never catch up with him. The problem is that my husband can only do it once per day and has problems with long performance and can lose his erection easily. I want him to be happy and I completely pushed my needs away. There are many other factors – he stopped looking after himself two years into our marriage and I was angry that he had all these expectations towards me but never applied them to himself. I was bitter for so long and started resenting him and the only thing that kept me going was kids and finances. It was and it is really difficult. All other aspects – we are a team. We do get along and he is a fantastic father. I’m exhausted. I don’t think I can make him happy and when we argue about it we keep hurting each other and the nastiest things are said that I then really regret. My friend told me that there is no point to stay together only for kids’ sake. I don’t want to break this marriage because I know it will be devastating for kids, they adore him.


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