# Wifes work ethics



## mossimo (May 11, 2011)

OK, my partner is a HR professional, always flying around to different cities and overnighting. My issue is, that I have told her I am not happy with her sitting in a bar late at night talking to one of her managers. I believe that a married woman should not be sitting at a bar at the late hours of the evening. She says "Its for work" I say fine if there are two managers, but with one on one, drinking becomes intimate. 

She cannot see my point, and will not move on this, hence big rift in marriage.

I am prepared to leave her over this as I and all my friends, advise that a married woman should not be sitting with a guy late at night at a bar. What do you think? :O)

mossimo


----------



## chrisnixx (May 11, 2011)

i think you are overreacting.. maybe she gets bored of these trips and wants someone to talk to?? thats just my opinion though.. unless you have reason to believe anything is going on why worry??

i bet you would feel differently if the manager was a female...


----------



## mossimo (May 11, 2011)

She just loves male company, always has. She is the only female in her team.

I trust her, find it wrong that a married woman have drinks one on one with her other managers till late in the night. At what point does work end???

I have never sat in a bar till midnight with her during the week. And if I asked her to go out and do the same, she would never do it.

I am fine if it is a group, its just the one on one crap.

Mossimo


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I used to travel for a living with men. I did have dinner with them (better than eating alone and we only had 1 car). After dinner work ended and we went to our hotel rooms. Day over. I didn't drink because my employer frowned on it.

My husband would have thrown a fit if I stayed out till midnight drinking with anyone male or female on a regular basis. Wouldn't matter if I were out of town or in. And I have to say I happen to agree with him. So I'm with you but evidently I'm in the minority. Seems this type of thing is more widely accepted these days. We are old fashioned though.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I think it is very inappropriate for a married woman to drink with a man alone late at night. 

A lot of things can happen. 

And you have already told her about your concern, she doesn't do anything to change it but chooses to defend her inappropriate behavior, the only reason I can think of: She is ambitious, she wants to kiss the boss's ass, she wants a faster promotion.


----------



## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

She's pushing her boundaries and IMHO looking for something. Sorry


----------



## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

I can see both points of view.

I also work in a male dominated industry that revolves heavily around social drinking. I often find myself out drinking, being the only femal there. Also, i get along very well with one (male) member of my team and we often have lunch and drinks alone.

When you approach her about this behavior do you come across as a loving concerned spouse? or a father figure telling her what she can and cannot do?


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I see a lot of posts here about having a boundary involving a wife's friendships with men. I have been uncomfortable with the subject. I've never had the need for such a rule. Upon reading this topic I realized that I do have one Rule. It has been ingrained into my personality since I was 12 years old. Handed down from my father. And I am in the process of handing it down to my son. 

This is it. Never, never, ever be alone with a woman, unless you are in a committed relationship with her. Always take another adult with you if you need to visit a woman with out her partner. It is a safety rule more important than buckling your seat belt. 

I am a Male and a manager. I would never stay out late with any female employee, much less make it a habit. It looks bad, it is dangerous, It is unethical, it is unbusinesslike. If she wants to stay out late with her colleges of the same ranking, in a group of more than two, that would be OK, but the manager should not be there. By definition the Manager is Not "one of the guys". He holds the power over their careers. He can never do anything that might look like he is favoring one over the other. And being out till midnight with a member of the opposite gender, looks very much like favoring.

I fully expect that my wife does the same.

M N


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

mossimo said:


> She just loves male company, always has. She is the only female in her team.


:scratchhead:

Somebody just shoot me now. Please


----------



## boxer (Apr 30, 2011)

You trust her. That's nice.

Read some of the zillions of other posts on this forum, about guys who trusted their wives, and came down with all sorts of filthy stds or are raising some other man's kids. That is what you're setting yourself up for.

All women are, in fact, like that. Hope this helps.


----------



## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

Mossimo.....most hotels have internet access in their rooms - maybe after dinner she could go back to her room, make herself comfy and Skype or MSN video chat with you instead of sitting in a bar for company?


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi Boxer,

I'm also a trusting husband. For years I have heard bitter thrice divorced women say, "all men cheat". It really chafed me. Because I didn't. So I resent your generalization. I have become more understanding with age. I believe that all people have weaknesses. 

I agree that most women have similar needs, turn ons, danger points, etc.. These are exactly the reason we are able to apply general rules here. 

One of my most used mantras is: If there is no trust, there is no relationship. My wife works full time in a mixed gender crew. I don't feel the need to call her boss and ask if she has been doing any flirting. We respect each other and agree to basic safety rules like the one mentioned above.

Now Mossimo has a different problem. His wife disagrees with his safety rule. A ruler that this group, and probably most of the people in a western culture agree with. She is out there playing with fire, and he is the one likely to get burned. 

Does Mossimo trust her too much? No, he is worried, he has addressed thee problem with her. Every trip he is checking. But, she is an adult professional, he can't exactly enforce a "bed time" for her. 

I think the point of this question was to reassure Mossimo that he is not being unrealistic or even unusual in his request that she respect such a rule. Now how to get her to agree to common sense?

M N


----------



## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

It's nice to have trust but just make sure it's trust rather than denial.

As a female, I would never put myself in the position of being at a hotel bar late at night drinking with a member of the opposite sex. I just wouldn't do it. My H has no reason not to trust me and I'd never do anything to hurt him. However, I also refuse to put myself in a position where if a casual observer were to see me,they'd think I was having a secret affair with the man I was sitting with late at night drinking. 

She should realize if she didn't commit the actions that placed doubt, you'd have no reason to doubt her. Don't place the doubt and the doubt won't be there at all. simple. 

Sad fact but there are just some things that men and women should not do one on one if one or both are married to someone else.drinking together at a bar is one of them.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

mossimo said:


> OK, my partner is a HR professional, always flying around to different cities and overnighting. My issue is, that I have told her I am not happy with her sitting in a bar late at night talking to one of her managers. I believe that a married woman should not be sitting at a bar at the late hours of the evening. She says "Its for work" I say fine if there are two managers, but with one on one, drinking becomes intimate.
> 
> She cannot see my point, and will not move on this, hence big rift in marriage.


I don't see your point either. When I traveled for work, my boss and I frequently worked on our clients' stuff over dinner and/or drinks. My husband had this amazing thing... TRUST.



> I am prepared to leave her over this as I and all my friends, advise that a married woman should not be sitting with a guy late at night at a bar. What do you think? :O)
> 
> mossimo


I think you have to decide if your wife is trustworthy. Then I think before you get into another relationship you learn what a right fight is and how not to engage.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

JJG said:


> I can see both points of view.


This is a person whose marriage is going to work betcha.


----------



## boxer (Apr 30, 2011)

Mr. Nail said:


> Hi Boxer,
> 
> I'm also a trusting husband. For years I have heard bitter thrice divorced women say, "all men cheat". It really chafed me. Because I didn't. So I resent your generalization.


I'm sure you'll point out the hundreds of examples of "good women" who have rushed to condemn their cheating sisters for their loathsome, disgusting behavior, here on this forum. 

Any time you want to post the links to all those posts I have missed, I'm all ears. :smthumbup:

The reality is that the OP's wife is probably cheating. If he discovers proof and comes here for support, all the female posters will shame and abuse him, blaming the victim, as they do 100 percent of the time on this forum.

Here's a more relevant question: Men like you are the subject of some gender studies at this point. There's a debate as to whether to consider you (as a mangina) a third sex (like a Chinese court eunuch, who has emasculated himself for personal advancement) or a victim of Stockholm syndrome. What do you feel is more accurate?


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Well that was interesting


----------

