# Old girlfriend pictures, some naked



## Elane (Jul 15, 2014)

Didn't mean to, but found a large box of old pictures of my live in boyfriend's former girlfriends and wife. Some naked. 

I am actually very mad. Is that crazy or what? I am not a keeper of pictures or letters, so I have no frame of reference as to why him would want these things from women that have all either cheated on him or dumped him. 

My exhusband and I had nothing like this, so really I have no idea if I'm being silly or not. But I can't stop thinking about it. It's a huge box, and no I did not look at everything. But enough that I truly wish I had never opened the box. 

We moved recently, I was opening a lot of boxes. Has nothing to do with snooping. He does not know I found them.

Edited to add: I am afraid I might act quirky tonight when I see him. Should I tell him I found them, or leave it alone.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Elane said:


> Didn't mean to, but found a large box of old pictures of my live in boyfriend's former girlfriends and wife. Some naked.
> 
> I am actually very mad. Is that crazy or what? I am not a keeper of pictures or letters, so I have no frame of reference as to why him would want these things from women that have all either cheated on him or dumped him.
> 
> ...


I have pictures of ex's. I think I got rid of the ones from pre-marriage when I was married and my ex asked me to. I still have nudes of my ex. I think I keep them because I'm a guy and I like naked pictures of women.....that's probably not a good answer though.

I think it's fair to be angry, but I also understand why he would have them.

Not sure how I would react if my current GF asked me to ditch them. I probably would but easy to say that since it hasn't happened.


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## Elane (Jul 15, 2014)

I have no plans to ask him to ditch the contents of the box. Then again that's off the top of my head, maybe it will eat away at me until I do ask him. I really don't know. Just found them yesterday.

Either I can live with him having it or not. He made the choice to keep them, he must get something out of it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I have photos of former gf's and my ex, but got rid of the naked ones long ago. The photos of my ex will someday go to our son. The rest are just part of my history, to help remember my past someday. I won't get rid of them, and would be very offended if asked to do so. If I still had nudes of exes, then I'd probably be willing to get rid of those, but no others.


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## Elane (Jul 15, 2014)

Over three years together. And no he didn't forget about the pictures. The box was packed inside another box that had current items in it. I'm sure he had no idea I would unpack that box.


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## Elane (Jul 15, 2014)

I guess I want to know how to unsee them!!


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

OP, there might be a good chance he doesnt know he has them or at least thinking about them. I too at one point at some old pics that i had stored away. Not that this makes sense but i didnt want to toss them out thinking someone could see them etc (like i said does not make sense) so i boxed them up. I totally forgot about them till years later we were moving and they were buried in a old tote.

Either way this seems like it will stay on your mind so you might as well talk to him about it. Chances are he will say toss them.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Last time I moved I found a whole stash of pictures I'd taken for/with an ex AGES ago. I'd happily get rid of them, but frankly I'm not sure how to do it in a way that I can't come up with a way they could be "discovered" or "compromised". So, I still have them tucked away because I can't come up with an alternative. Totally, totally not going to just dump those in with the garbage! Maybe it's the same kind of situation? I mean if you had to really explore to find them in the first place, it's not like he's keeping them on the mantle, you know?


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## Elane (Jul 15, 2014)

COGypsy said:


> Last time I moved I found a whole stash of pictures I'd taken for/with an ex AGES ago. I'd happily get rid of them, but frankly I'm not sure how to do it in a way that I can't come up with a way they could be "discovered" or "compromised". So, I still have them tucked away because I can't come up with an alternative. Totally, totally not going to just dump those in with the garbage! Maybe it's the same kind of situation? I mean if you had to really explore to find them in the first place, it's not like he's keeping them on the mantle, you know?


I didn't actually have to explore to find them. I simply unpacked another box they were in. A box he packed when we moved.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I have a large box of momentos from my past life. I don't rummage through it often AT ALL, but I like to have it. Some of that stuff is old love letters, etc. I would probably throw them out when I get around to rummaging again. In the next 5 years or so. LOL!

The main part of that box is just HAVING it. Was this box you found NOTHING but pictures of exs? Or did it have other stuff too? Unless you ask him, there is no way of knowing how important it is to him or what..... I wouldn't be mad, but ask him about it.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

I think you are getting increasingly unhappy in this relationship. Now it's a box of old photos? If this is setting you off, maybe you should talk to him about backing off the relationship.


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## Elane (Jul 15, 2014)

Yes Revamped. But the box has nothing to do with his excessive phone usage.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Are you sure you want this relationship to work?


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

_I am actually very mad
I am not a keeper of pictures or letters
My exhusband and I had nothing like this
He made the choice to keep them, he must get something out of it.
And no he didn't forget about the pictures.
I didn't actually have to explore to find them. I simply unpacked another box they were in. A box he packed when we moved._

OP i think your comments above clearly indiacate this is bothering you so as to if you should bring this up to him is pretty simple. Keeping this to yourself is only going to create tension which could lead to bigger issues. Be honest and tell him this is not cool with you and that you would appreciate him not having this around. Put the ball in his court. His response to your request will tell you everything you want to know about your relationship.


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## Elane (Jul 15, 2014)

I do want it to work, and I fully intend on being happy and getting my needs met as well. 

Why Revamped? Why do you ask?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I don't understand people, why would one want to keep pictures of their ex? 

To have them while in another relationship is very disrespectful and inappropriate.

I have a feeling it's something that probably never came up as part of boundary discussion etc.

Bring it up to him and tell him how you feel. His action should be to toss that crap right into garbage (but don't ask him to do so, see if he does it himself)

I will say that feeling you have right now must suck, I can totally relate to that.......keep it cool when you talk to him, maybe a smile on your face. Remember it will be as difficult to him as it is to you.


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## Elane (Jul 15, 2014)

Eagle3 said:


> _I am actually very mad
> I am not a keeper of pictures or letters
> My exhusband and I had nothing like this
> He made the choice to keep them, he must get something out of it.
> ...


Hey Eagle - I'm try to write succinctly, often comes across as cold. It is bothering, that's why I posted.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Eagle3 said:


> _I am actually very mad
> I am not a keeper of pictures or letters
> My exhusband and I had nothing like this
> He made the choice to keep them, he must get something out of it.
> ...


Not sure I would go as far as saying"everything you need to know about the relationship".

But his response will tell the OP the level of care for OP and his feelings on the subject. 

OP, if he "doesn't get it" you can also ask him how he would feel if he found naked pictures of YOUR Ex stashed in your box?

Sometimes we need a "nudge"....


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

DoF said:


> I don't understand people, why would one want to keep pictures of their ex?
> 
> To have them while in another relationship is very disrespectful and inappropriate.


So you erase your past every time you have a new relationship? That seems to be asking a lot.

To the OP, can you please explain the location of the pictures relative to other things and the box itself. It is not clear to me exactly where they were and how you know that he knows all about them and has intentionally kept them.


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

DOF, my reasoning is that if she tells him her concerns and he refuses to toss them and keep the pics than that would be telling her there is a concern issue in the relationship. If he explains something else why he has them as others have said why they have old pics and says he understands and gets rid of them, no harm and would show the OP he cares etc.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

It just seems that this is a minor annoyance and you're actually quite angry. That's been the crux of most of your posts.

You just seem way more of a laid back person in most of your answers. But when it concerns him, I can sense your blood pressure level rising.

So, are you sure you want to be with this guy?


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

OP, sorry my post came across as me thinking you were cold. Was not my intention. I was just saying in your original post you were asking if you should say something to him or not. I was just showing that it looks like you know that answer and to talk about it and not have it fester to something bigger.


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## Elane (Jul 15, 2014)

Tall Average Guy said:


> So you erase your past every time you have a new relationship? That seems to be asking a lot.
> 
> To the OP, can you please explain the location of the pictures relative to other things and the box itself. It is not clear to me exactly where they were and how you know that he knows all about them and has intentionally kept them.


We recently moved. He packed this large box with items from his closet and guest room. Mostly it was blankets, a few books, and this other fairly large box of photos. Boxes we packed were clearly labeled with our names and what room they were to be placed in in the new house. We spent a LOT of time before moving ditching truck loads of old items. I would bet my eyeball he knew that naked pic box was there. The larger box was sitting amongst other boxes waiting to be unpacked and put away.


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

Maybe some people would say this is crazy and I should not destroy another person's property, but I know what I would do. I would take the nude photos out and burn them. I don't really care about normal photos of anybody. Nude photos?? THAT is disrespectful and I wouldn't even wait one second to get rid of them.


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## Elane (Jul 15, 2014)

Ok Revamp The phone issue was out of control. This box of items was a total surprise. I am laid back usually, but there are limits. THis is one of them.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Elane said:


> We recently moved. He packed this large box with items from his closet and guest room. Mostly it was blankets, a few books, and this other fairly large box of photos. Boxes we packed were clearly labeled with our names and what room they were to be placed in in the new house. We spent a LOT of time before moving ditching truck loads of old items. * I would bet my eyeball he knew that naked pic box was there. *The larger box was sitting amongst other boxes waiting to be unpacked and put away.


Thanks. Now why would you say the bolded part above?

Not trying to be snarky, just want to understand your position. Because when my wife and I moved, we spent a lot of time getting rid of old stuff. But we did not go through the boxes of pictures that we had. It would have been far too much effort for too little savings of space. So we through them into boxes.

I am not saying he did not know they were there (I have no idea). But I can construct a pretty plausible scenario in my head where he forgot all that was in there and just threw a box of old photos into another box. 

So why do you think that could not be the case?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Interesting to see the other side of this. Anyway, if I were asked to erase my past, that would show little concern for me as a person. I would resent the request, frankly. I would see it as controlling and indicative of petty jealousy, and a bad sign for the future of this relationship. Even if the photos meant relatively little to me, being asked to trash them strikes me as wrong. I don't think I'd trash my past even for my wife (not that she'd ever even ask), much less a girlfriend.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I guess I want to know why these photos bother you. Does he look at them much? Does he compare you to these people? Does he criticize how you look and mention someone from his past? I doubt it very much. If he looks at them every other year, I'd be surprised.

Would you also expect him to throw out old vacation photos? How about his high school prom photo? What if he had a date in that photo - is there nothing special in that memory for him, or is it that there could be that makes you uncomfortable? Is he likely to be so nostalgic that he tries to find any of these people again? Really, what is the problem?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I had a similar situation with my wife. Every year about the same time, there is a local motorcycle ride in weekend. My wife, then girlfriend, would become edgy, irritable, sullen about the same time. She would drop off of facebook during that time as well. I finally asked her what was up with that, and after a little prodding, she produced a box of pictures. They were of her ex husband at the ride in in various states of sexual activity with other women. Quite graphic in nature. She had saved them because she wasn't ready to let go of the hurt he had caused her. We had a long talk about that. I did not ask her to get rid of the pictures, but I did let her know that I could not continue in a relationship where her ex husband still held her emotionally captive. I was not willing to share her emotionally with her ex husband.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I don't understand the argument that naked pictures somehow constitutes your past and keeping them is fine. Are you going to pass them on? What purpose do they serve but to get you off?

If your wife knows you have these and is ok with that then good for you, but OP doesn't like it. I wouldn't like it. It's like telling someone that they should be ok with lots of talking about exes because it doesn't bother you. Some people are ok with it and some aren't.

I would ask him why he feels the need to keep, naked pics, and that maybe you should ask your exes for some nice big c0ck pics, because why should you forget about your past? Or maybe you should keep the nice vibrator you used with your ex because it's part of your past. If you don't like it bring it up; if he turns it into you snooping that will tell you a lot about hood concern for what bothers you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

I have pictures of old girlfriends. Actually, my mother is the one who saved them from my old room at home. She just gave them to me about three years ago. My wife did not care. Of course these pictures are from about 30 years ago as I have been married 26 years. I put one picture in particular in my night stand - it is the one of my first love. I debated about doing this but I decided that I wanted to keep it where I could find it easily. I have looked at it maybe twice in the last few years - and one of the times I showed my wife so she could see what this girl looked like. Of course with the technology now-a-days, I can just go on Facebook and see what she looks like today so it’s not like throwing the picture away would do any good.

I can tell you one thing for sure; I would not give up any of my old pictures for someone who was not my wife. If my wife asked me to get rid of them (which she would not by the way) I would certainly do what she wanted but would not be too happy about it as this would really put up some red flags about the status of our relationship.

Now about the naked pictures - now that would be something to have - wow!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

He has naked photos of past partners.
He has other behavior issues.
He may be the type who is attached to his past in a good way, he may be the type who keeps pictures of naked ex's around just to bug you.
In either of these scenarios you do not have the kind of relationship with him where you can discuss any of this meaningfully and it seems to be a struggle to get your needs met.
If all of this is unacceptable to you then you have choices.
The good thing is you just moved, so everything is organized and could be re-packed easily.
I'd rather be the person posing for naked photos than the one having to be worked up over them in a relationship.
Either a guy is going to look out for your feelings in a relationship, or he's not. If he's not you can advocate for your needs but it would be better to not have to become one's on favorite charity cause on the home front?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

My wife found one of my ex-wife. Had totally forgotten about it and it was stuck in an old journal that I had written when I was dating her. Was nothing, just topless, and couldn't even see anything.

She was furious, but I had honestly forgotten all about it. I felt like crap and destroyed the picture immediately.

I felt like crap about the whole thing to be honest.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

COGypsy said:


> Last time I moved I found a whole stash of pictures I'd taken for/with an ex AGES ago. I'd happily get rid of them, but frankly I'm not sure how to do it in a way that I can't come up with a way they could be "discovered" or "compromised". So, I still have them tucked away because I can't come up with an alternative. Totally, totally not going to just dump those in with the garbage!


You can get a small shredder at Target or Amazon or wherever. They're useful for old financial docs and stuff, too.

OP, just ask him to get rid of the naked pictures. You won't be able to rest until you do. 

Let him keep the rest of his photos as memories. I would never get rid of old pictures because they are MY history and I am one of those people that likes to keep mementos of my life.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all. 
Just my $.02
I look back on past relationships with a pleasant nostalgia. I never had any pictures, but if I had, it would hurt to throw them away. I'm very happy with my relationship now, but that doesn't mean that I was unhappy before, or that I want to forget. 

Recently very long ago GF posted some old pictures of herself on her FB thread (nothing naughty at all). One of them was from when we were dating. Seeing her as I had remembered here all those years ago brought a smile to my face. Nothing erotic, I didn't want to try to hook up with her or anything, it just brought back some happy memories.

To the OP, you can ask him to throw them out, but even if he agrees, he may resent it. It is sort of setting yourself up in competition with those memories when no competition existed. He is with you now not them. He might be tempted to keep just one - and they you might find out and things could blow up. 

BTW: I'm only considering the pictures, not anything else that might be going on in the relationship.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Pictures are one thing. Naked pictures are another story entirely. Tell him you ran across them.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

It is worth communicating to him how you innocently stumbled across them and that they bother you. He either is going to respond well or not.

You def. cannot force or coerce him to ditch them, but you _can_ set the boundary that you won't be staying if the pictures aren't destroyed. Sure, it creates a crisis to the situation that maybe you aren't prepared for, but I think this will act as a pretty good litmus of your boyfriend's commitment level...something you deserve to know so you can make some choices.

If you try to sublimate all of this, it will only result in a far greater sense of insecurity about your future.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Tell him you stumbled upon them, that you wouldn't mind him keeping the g rated pics but you find it disrespectful for him to keep nude photos of exes in the home you share.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Forcing someone to get rid of their past by getting rid of pictures? BS. Your past is in your mind. Your soul. Not some clutter you keep in beyond forgotten boxes.

Very few THINGS should hold places like that in your heart. My dad's baseball glove, a plaque of my grandma's that my mom gave me, my wedding ring. Thats about it. The rest is stuff.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Some of the responses are like these are the usual, everyday pic. They aren't. They are naked pics. Huge difference. Why would he still need naked pics? I know why, because he's a guy and he's visual blah blah horse sh!t. 

There's porn for that.

He has memories of having sex with these people. The ONLY reason for keeping NAKED pics of past people is to remember....well the NAKED LOOK AND FEEL of that person. 

If he wanted to simply remember his past...the chick can be wearing a shirt and shorts then keeping the pics wouldn't be as disrespectful as keeping naked ones.

If they had just started dating, my opinion would be totally different regarding NAKED pics. But they are 3 years running now.

OP tell him you're bothered by the naked photos, because you are. See what he says/does.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

staarz21 said:


> Some of the responses are like these are the usual, everyday pic. They aren't. They are naked pics. Huge difference. Why would he still need naked pics? I know why, because he's a guy and he's visual blah blah horse sh!t.
> 
> There's porn for that.
> 
> ...


But the past is the past doncha know...


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## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

Let him know that you found them and find them hurtful. Good communication in any relationship is the key to success. If he is a decent guy - he probably would have forgotten about the stash. If he is a smart guy - he will destroy them immediately.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think I might need electroshock therapy if I ever have a partner again. I have a very good memory. Don't need any photos. The memories aren't going to go away with the photos, or the problems. Then what will OP do, try to find out if he is thinking about the ladies in the photo and the sex he had with them? 

You can get rid of photos, but the underlying issues are still there.
Everyone has memory and history. Photos are just one aspect of that. Either people are okay with their present, and their state of being together, or they are not.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> But the past is the past doncha know...


Not when your keeping tokens of it in the present.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

tiggyblue said:


> not when your keeping tokens of it in the present.


Bingo!!!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Suppose a person would have kept the photos, but the ex got to them first, or they were lost/burned/ruined in some way, or put in storage/kept elsewhere. 

So that the current partner was unaware of their existence, ever.

But the owner of the photos would have kept them if they were able. Same person, different disposition of photos. Does it make a difference? Probably if I had photos of some of my ex's I would want to keep them. I'd probably classify them sentimentally among things like a photo of my first real road bicycle or my favorite childhood cat, but that's beside the point. 

Am I a different person just because I don't have the photos? Nope, I'm the same. Just that it will never come up in a future relationship because I don't have the goods in possession. Only in memory. But I would have them if I had any foresight in my youth!


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

I love the "i didnt know what to do with them" excuses. Too funny. 

Trash. Shredders. Fire. Tons of options. 

If you are keeping photos of your ex, you know damn well why you are. I hate this playing dumb thing. And if your spouse is keeping nudes of his or her ex, theres a reason. Ask, but tread lightly as it could spark a reaction.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

BostonBruins32 said:


> I love the "i didnt know what to do with them" excuses. Too funny.
> 
> Trash. Shredders. Fire. Tons of options.
> 
> If you are keeping photos of your ex, you know damn well why you are. I hate this playing dumb thing. And if your spouse is keeping nudes of his or her ex, theres a reason. Ask, but tread lightly as it could spark a reaction.


I honestly didn't. So this is possible.

I had snapped this pic when I was 19 or 20 when I started dating my ex.

I tucked it into my journal, and filled it up that year. Tons of stuff were stuck in there -- pics of my buddies, concert tickets, that kind of thing.

Got stuck in a box and I honestly forgot about it. She found it, asked if she could read it, I shrugged and said "sure."

Then the **** hit the fan. I was mortified for my wife and felt guilty about the whole thing.

My wife tore it up on the spot and I was cool with that.


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

I have no nude pictures but I have a box of stuff from my ex-wife. My girlfriend has seen this box because it is marked in my garage "THE ENEMY LIVES HERE." LOL. Since my divorce over a year ago I've probably looked in the box once when I threw something else I found in my house in the box (some regular photos - I had nothing past PG13, ever). 

My girlfriend would never ask me to throw out the box, I'm sure. I am more of a jealous type. She's told me she has a box 'somewhere' too. I am not sure if she becomes my wife what I will think about that box, myself. 

So this is a tough one for me. I think the R rated pictures are not cool and need to be thrown out. The rest, I'm a bit conflicted. I might throw out most of my box on my own, simply because I want to get rid of crap, and my previous relationship was crap. Maybe a few specific items such as the wedding picture and album. But for example at first I kept some love letters (relatively PG, ie non sexual) from early on. I see no point in keeping or reading them, so when I get to file that box away, those are going straight in the trash, whether or not my GF cares or not.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Pictures are history. No need to erase history. What would be unacceptable would getting new pictures.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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