# For men: how to get your wife to be the lover you want and need..



## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

I just wanted to share my life experience..

I believe men have the power to turn a woman into the sexual goddess they want her to be. The key is to treat her as though she is the most incredible woman you've ever experienced. Point out her best features and let her know repeatedly how much you love them..even crave them. Let her know that pleasuring her is your greatest turn on. Women are not as visual. They seem to be turned on more by language / auditory stimulation. 

Women are bombarded by pictures of flawless perfection and can so easily become lacking in self confidence. I really believe that it can be turned around by the quality of her lover and the effort he puts into making her feel special!! 

We are only as good as our best lover...be that lover for your wife.. Self confidence is the most attractive feature..and remember you have the power to build your woman's back up!


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

(you can treat her like a goddess but if she isn't interested, she isn't interested)


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## Jimbob82 (Jun 29, 2012)

AGREE ^

I salute anyone who this is successful for - your woman obviously has the will and intent there!

I'm always telling my woman these things, and get the push off so many times. I've stopped barking up that tree to be honest, it's just excuse after excuse!


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

Yup....its like paying money into a deposit account....when the bank stops paying you any interest, you don't move banks but you certainly stop putting any more money into the account!


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## aussiechick (Jul 1, 2012)

Whatever you do don't have the conversation I just did.

Me. I think I could get a job at shooters
Him. Nah you couldn
Me. I'm not that bad.
Him. But you're not the girl next door kind girl.

Never want him to touch me again. Made me realise It's been quite a while between compliments. Funny thing is there isn't anything bedroom wise I haven't done for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aussiechick (Jul 1, 2012)

Hooters.. autocorrect
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

dixieangel said:


> I just wanted to share my life experience..
> 
> I believe men have the power to turn a woman into the sexual goddess they want her to be. The key is to treat her as though she is the most incredible woman you've ever experienced. Point out her best features and let her know repeatedly how much you love them..even crave them. Let her know that pleasuring her is your greatest turn on. Women are not as visual. They seem to be turned on more by language / auditory stimulation.
> 
> ...


there no one size fits all for women to become sexual.and some will never have the capacity to become so.

although this method os worth trying for the right girl/women.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

aussiechick said:


> Whatever you do don't have the conversation I just did.
> 
> Me. I think I could get a job at shooters
> Him. Nah you couldn
> ...


I don't blame you aussie!

I often tols my wife that she could get a job at a Go Go joint if she wanted to. The end result? Same old same old


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

T,
Are you as fit as she is? And does she define fit as a runner, or a lifter/boxer?

TE=Toffer;895893]I don't blame you aussie!

I often tols my wife that she could get a job at a Go Go joint if she wanted to. The end result? Same old same old[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JoeRockStar (Jun 5, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> I just wanted to share my life experience..
> 
> I believe men have the power to turn a woman into the sexual goddess they want her to be. The key is to treat her as though she is the most incredible woman you've ever experienced. Point out her best features and let her know repeatedly how much you love them..even crave them. Let her know that pleasuring her is your greatest turn on. Women are not as visual. They seem to be turned on more by language / auditory stimulation.
> 
> ...


I can say after 19 years of marriage that this does NOT work, at least it has not for my wife.

For example, my wife is somewhat overweight. This doesn't bother me in the least and I have stressed it to her eleventy billion times. I have told her she's beautiful so many times it would be easier to record it and just hit play over and over. I have asked to take pics of her in sexy outfits for my own pleasure since I love how she looks. When she makes an effort to look nice for whatever reason (it's very rare unfortunately) I all but fall over myself complimenting her. I have since STOPPED doing all this because it gets me nowhere and I feel like a chump. 

Pleasuring her IS in fact my greatest turn on. Jeez, even the porn I like to watch involves female orgasms. She has actually told me on countless occasions "I don't mind having sex but please don't try to make me come". :scratchhead: We actually refer to it as her "mowing the lawn" now from a conversation we had about it where I said to her "Jesus Christ, it's not like I'm asking you to mow the freaking lawn!" The truly mind boggling part is that if she's in the right mood (alcohol is almost ALWAYS required  ), she can have the most explosive orgasms I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing.

Sorry dixieangel, I could only wish your post was applicable to me.  My marriage or at least my sex life would be picture perfect if it did.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Everyone is different. But in my situation this is oh so very true.

I find that the more attentive my hubby is, the more I want him sexually, and the more I will do for him. I let him to anything he wants to begin with, but I don't personally enjoy giving bjs, but I'll do it. That being said, when he does show more affection and treats me super amazingly in bed...those are the times when I love sucking his c*ck. And even when I'm at work all I can think about is slobbering on it!!!!! Lol. Where as when he isn't as attentive to pleasing me in bed....I'm not as into bjs.

So yes. You are right!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

It really all depends... for some, giving compliments too easily may turn them off or make it feel insincere... or worse, may make them feel entitled. I made sure to pay my W lots of compliments and so she was pretty sure of herself when she decided to take it to some other guy who was a lot more confident in himself than I was. 

Even pickup artists will tell you, the way to get a woman to react a certain way is to demonstrate your higher value and even put them down a bit from time to time.

Not holding your spouse to certain boundaries and always putting her on a pedestal even when she is fitness testing you will certainly not make her into a goddess. It is give and take, but there is certainly nothing wrong with building her ego up a little from time to time - I think authenticity is the key.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> I just wanted to share my life experience..
> 
> I believe men have the power to turn a woman into the sexual goddess they want her to be. The key is to treat her as though she is the most incredible woman you've ever experienced. Point out her best features and let her know repeatedly how much you love them..even crave them. Let her know that pleasuring her is your greatest turn on. Women are not as visual. They seem to be turned on more by language / auditory stimulation.
> 
> ...




In my case,this is 100% true.

Early in our marriage she was always worried that she " didn't match up",because she was a virgin and I had lots of women before.
It caused tremendous problems and she found it hard to simply " let go" in bed. 
She always asked how she compared to those in my past ,some of them she also knew.
I realized that I had to take it very slow.
Almost every session started differently.Me giving her full body massages.. Or soapy massages in the shower etc etc.
Gave her entire body plenty attention , sensual comments on her lady parts.
Even when we were not having sex,I always made her feel sexy.
Afte a while it worked like magic.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Put her on a pedestal.

Worship the Goddess.

Grovel at her feet, begging for her attention.

Give up your own pleasure for hers.

Understand that the world treats her bad, and it is up to the man to make it better.

It is up to the man to give her self-esteem back.

When is the Princess making any effort in this? Or are the Surfs supposed to be happy just serving her majesty?

No thanks, I am a reformed nice guy. I insist on a partner that treats me as an equal and does not need to be worshiped. A person who is willing to work just as hard as I do in the relationship.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

5/10 when a guy manages to convince their wifes that they are better than they really are the wife realizes she can do better than settle for him 


Quite honestly, women don't get excited by guys that grovel at their feet. They feel desire for the guys that make THEM grovel.

Having said this, there are women (and men) with a low sex drive. There is little you can do about it. 


And take note that the OP is a woman... This is the usual crap they read about in women magazines but when it comes down to it just doesn't work. You'll get better game advice from your local womanizer, guaranteed.


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## ffp20 (Nov 13, 2011)

dixieangel said:


> I just wanted to share my life experience..
> 
> I believe men have the power to turn a woman into the sexual goddess they want her to be. The key is to treat her as though she is the most incredible woman you've ever experienced. Point out her best features and let her know repeatedly how much you love them..even crave them. Let her know that pleasuring her is your greatest turn on. Women are not as visual. They seem to be turned on more by language / auditory stimulation.
> 
> ...


I see you're a female............you think it MAY work for you. In reality it gives women the excuse to stay the way they are. That shows them they have their man hooked and they can slack off. Bad Advice. sorry to disappoint.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

ffp20 said:


> I see you're a female............you think it MAY work for you. In reality it gives women the excuse to stay the way they are. That shows them they have their man hooked and they can slack off. Bad Advice. sorry to disappoint.


Agreed. I think ALL woman want what they can't have. To some extent so do men, but it is much more extreme with women. 

That is all well and good in the beginning of all relationships due to the inherent insecurities normal with new love/lust; but there is a cataclysmic phenomenon that totally brakes this down. 

First: Women *SAY* they want a doting and attentive partner. What they really want is what they perceive is something they can't have or can be taken at any moment by all the other woman that want him. Most women don't even realize what subconsciously is driving their desire.

Then: Men (being the fixers; that take what is said literally) follow the advice that is *SAID* by women.

Ultimately: No one is happy

The cycle just needs to be realized, acknowledged and broken. That said, some women are happy with just having cats (they don't call them p*ssies by accident).

Like all things, there is an artful balance to this which you can play to your advantage and keep the woman in your life on her toes, excited and perpetually intrigued.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

FrenchFry said:


> I think it's pretty funny that a real woman is sharing her particular point of view on what actually turns her on and makes her feel sexual and a whole bunch of men are REAL quick to tell her she's full of ****.
> 
> Dixie, I agree with you. The times that I'm way more into my husband almost directly correlate with how sexy he makes me feel. It's all in the manner of conveyance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Like I said, I think it is a balance. I think woman certainly like to have their ego stroked by someone they find very attractive. Go too far one way or the other and it does not work. 

I think it is like woman saying they want peace, consistency, predictably, stability, etc. While that may be true as you need a basic sense of security, I think woman appreciate a bit of a challenge as well.

It is the whole conundrum with woman needing both a lover and a provider. Far to many men bucket themselves into one or the other; it is very easy, natural and comfortable for a guy to put himself in one role. The trick is being both. 

You can analogize it with the whole Madonna/wh*re complex.


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## JoeRockStar (Jun 5, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> I think it's pretty funny that a real woman is sharing her particular point of view on what actually turns her on and makes her feel sexual and a whole bunch of men are REAL quick to tell her she's full of ****.
> 
> Dixie, I agree with you. The times that I'm way more into my husband almost directly correlate with how sexy he makes me feel. It's all in the manner of conveyance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dixie's post probably ticked off a bunch of us because we've been there, done that, got the T-shirt, but seen zero improvement in our sex lives. Reading that was like rubbing salt in a wound, at least it was for me.

If the frequency of my sex life correlated to me doing the things she suggested, my **** would've fallen off from overuse by now.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Scroll down through this forum. 

Read all the posts by men who followed this path.

See how many of them have come on here in a sexless marriage. Sexless because there wasn't enough laurel wreaths laid and worship given to appease.

Real Men, with real opinions, and real experiences. Why discount their statements?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

i prefer to make myself feel like a sexual goddess and invite my SO along for the ride. 
I don't care what anyone else says,NO ONE can build your confidence and self esteem except for YOU.People can make you feel good and sexy but it's temporary.You'll ALWAYS need praise and compliments unless you feel sexy and beautiful all by yourself. After that,the praise and compliments will just be a wonderful bonus rather than something you depend on constantly.

For me,constantly receiving praise and compliments is a turn off.it makes the man look desperate and weak to me.It renders the praise and compliments meaningless after a while.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> Point out her best features and let her know repeatedly how much you love them..even crave them. Let her know that pleasuring her is your greatest turn on.


I was like this and it put me in doormatville.

If it worked on you, thats great but it seems to me (especially from reading here) that the key to a womans sexuality is there is no key.

Sure there are a few known no no's but everything else relies on so many variables.

Expressed mathmatically:

Men: A + B = C

Women: A + B^2 ((x/c)^4 - Y * Z/ D - M))^3


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

dixieangel said:


> I just wanted to share my life experience..
> I believe men have the power to turn a woman into the sexual goddess they want her to be. The key is to treat her as though she is the most incredible woman you've ever experienced. Point out her best features and let her know repeatedly how much you love them..even crave them. Let her know that pleasuring her is your greatest turn on. Women are not as visual. They seem to be turned on more by language / auditory stimulation.


First of all, dixieangel, thanks for sharing!! Now for all the guys who have criticized this post: First of all, I am a recovering "Nice Guy"...a real "people pleaser" so I get where some of you are coming from (ya...I know...I shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition...#@$* there I go again!!)

I have read the book (NMMNG) along with MMSL. I am working on these principles in my own life, so I get it. But I really don't see anything in her post that says, "put up with my crap," or, "let me treat you like a doormat." Being an Alpha male does not mean being an ass. What she is suggesting is Beta, yes, but there must be a healthy mix.

I also suspect that dixieangel has "words of affirmation" as one of her love languages (Google it if you want to know). That is one of my wife's love languages and it works on her. I do treat her as the most incredible woman I have ever experienced...come to think of it, she is the only woman I have experienced (married at 16 & 17; 40 years Sunday). I tell her that she is hot, but I also show it. She was trying on these awesome little shorts the other day and I had a hard time hiding my "excitement". 

So, go ahead and treat her like a queen...just remember you are still king.

P.S. So you think women are that hard to figure out? Two words: David Shade


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> I think it's pretty funny that a real woman is sharing her particular point of view on what actually turns her on and makes her feel sexual and a whole bunch of men are REAL quick to tell her she's full of ****.
> 
> Dixie, I agree with you. The times that I'm way more into my husband almost directly correlate with how sexy he makes me feel. It's all in the manner of conveyance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think there is too much of a good thing, and OP just hasn't come to realize that level yet.

If there is no sexual attraction towards the H in the first place, no amount of showering her with affection is going to win her over. But I suspect what she is saying is that when she has respect for him a little affection from him goes a long way.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

romantic_guy said:


> So, go ahead and treat her like a queen...just remember you are still king.


Amen


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

romantic_guy said:


> P.S. So you think women are that hard to figure out? Two words: David Shade


Also: Franco and David Clare

Must Read: Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man


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## ffp20 (Nov 13, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> I think it's pretty funny that a real woman is sharing her particular point of view on what actually turns her on and makes her feel sexual and a whole bunch of men are REAL quick to tell her she's full of ****.
> 
> Dixie, I agree with you. The times that I'm way more into my husband almost directly correlate with how sexy he makes me feel. It's all in the manner of conveyance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does he make u feel sexy by sending u flowers or by being an enthusiastic lover?????? ones beta, the other is alpha


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> I just wanted to share my life experience..
> 
> I believe men have the power to turn a woman into the sexual goddess they want her to be. The key is to treat her as though she is the most incredible woman you've ever experienced. Point out her best features and let her know repeatedly how much you love them..even crave them. Let her know that pleasuring her is your greatest turn on. Women are not as visual. They seem to be turned on more by language / auditory stimulation.


I think a point made by Romantic_Guy bears emphasis, this approach works when the woman's primary love language is words of affirmation. I think I've gotten results with my wife using an approach like what Dixieangel says and my wife's primary love language is words of affirmation.

My wife has always had a preference for 1 piece bathing suits. I recently gave a bit of thought to finding a bikini that would look good on her, and we haven't had a chance to go to the beach but she says she'll wear it, and after I got it she put it on for me and a good time was had.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Dixieangel,
Great comments. It's nice to hear people share what works for them.

Your comments speak of treating your spouse with respect. If you don't have respect for a woman, (or your wife who is a woman) then you might see the pedestal effect and have a mindset of trading sex for behaviors. (what's in it for me?) and it's common for people to have resentment about past behaviors.

But when you are only concerned with pleasing your partner, and making sure their needs are met, that's called being in love. It becomes a successful sexual rellationship when your spouse mirrors that back to you and also takes pleasure in pleasuring you.

The art of being more concerned about giving than asking "what have you done for me lately".

Of course, many of us on here are way past that. It's unrequited and more concerning to some of us to keep track of how we have been wrong, and what the spouse has not done.

I'm in that category most of the time. But I do recognize what you wrote, and I'm not so far gone to realise that it's true. Every word you wrote.


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## loveofmylife (Jul 10, 2012)

The best way to put it is "It's a two way street." If your man is building up your confidence (or at least trying to) then you need to do the same for him. As much as they hide their emotions, they still do have the same emotions and thoughts that women do.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

After reading some of those posts opposed to the OP's comments,it'sbecoming quite clear why so many men still scratching their heads.....

So how do you guys think the OM at work got into her pants without having to put up with her PMS and all her hormonal crap,in such a short time?

Look at EVERY SINGLE case of WW's infidelity and there is a common thread.
Hundreds or thousands of text messages and calls between WW's and OM, within a short space of time...
What do you think he was telling her?
well women are like that.
Men like to see them in sexy stuff.
They like to hear sexy stuff. I makes them feel _*desired*_ in more ways than one.
Ever since I was single I learned something.
Get into a woman's head,and you will always get into her pants.

Yes ,after marriage it can be a challenge to stay in her head........
But nobody ever said it was easy.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

JoeRockStar said:


> I can say after 19 years of marriage that this does NOT work, at least it has not for my wife.
> 
> For example, my wife is somewhat overweight. This doesn't bother me in the least and I have stressed it to her eleventy billion times. I have told her she's beautiful so many times it would be easier to record it and just hit play over and over. I have asked to take pics of her in sexy outfits for my own pleasure since I love how she looks. When she makes an effort to look nice for whatever reason (it's very rare unfortunately) I all but fall over myself complimenting her. I have since STOPPED doing all this because it gets me nowhere and I feel like a chump.
> 
> ...


I find this so sad, Joe. At least know you did your best to make your wife feel attractive and loved.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

It was not my intention to offend anyone. I am sorry if it appeared that way. I only wanted to share something that meant a lot to me...and changed my life for the better. I think it comes down to what caribbean man said...men like to see..women like to hear.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> After reading some of those posts opposed to the OP's comments,it'sbecoming quite clear why so many men still scratching their heads.....
> 
> So how do you guys think the OM at work got into her pants without having to put up with her PMS and all her hormonal crap,in such a short time?
> 
> ...


Ah this... I'm sorry, but i'll totally disagree. If you roam around sites or ask friends that have proven themselves very successful with women you'll see that it's not the compliments that gets you laid. It's what happens before that phase. 

There has to be an unconscious process (for the woman) where the man makes an approach and creates an idea in her head that he is a desirable lover and that he is above her league, although he is attentive to her. There are plenty of ways to do this and i'm not getting into that.

The phase where he compliments her openly is the opening of the door she already wants to cross. She doesn't cheat on her husband because of the compliments. She cheats because she has worked herself into a state of heightened desire and fantasy because she didn't think at first to make it happen.

The man then opens the door and she rushes to it. But this really cannot be used by a married man regarding his wife. The married guy cannot compete with the player that is new, isn't connected to routine and is, in fact, not "real" in a sense that she had to fantasize him.

This is why most women cheat. Not because their husbands were not complimenting them enough/paying enough attention. In fact that line is used even by women who are being showered in attention. Guys that place their women in pedestals get cheated on too and are surprised when it happens. And they have women accusing them of exactly not doing it enough. 

You see it's not that they didn't dedicate themselves to their partners. It's that simply put, a compliment from a non-husband other male is worth 100x more. You can say you love her and she looks pretty everyday and she will still find it more important to have that other dude that isn't her husband tells her that she is.

Now, lets think this through, if making a woman hot and feeling sexual with her husband was as easy as giving her a little of attention and complimenting her (or making the ultimate corny thing of offering flowers), would this part forum have half the posts in it? Seriously? Isn't that what "not getting any" hubbies do almost immediately after feeling the problem? Isn't that what our feminized media teaches men to do? 

What kind of idiot doesn't know that women always "talk about" the importance of attentions and... Well, read the OP text. 


It just so happens a married guy has to use much subtler means of getting it on with a willing wife (not going into that boring clinical once a week marked on schedule sex).

You talked about cheating. Lets go there. How often is it that a woman that is cheating and not having enough intercourse with her husband, is exposed and then suddenly has the urge to have sex with him all the time? 

What changed? He is still the same guy. He isn't more physically attractive. Certainly most men after being cheated on aren't placing the woman on a pedestal... So, what's going on there? What made her suddenly hot for the husband she had cheated on and even rejected his sexual advances?

The fear of loss. The possibility that he will soon leave her. The idea that he may not be there tomorrow. Apparently this gets these women in a totally different sexual mood. 

Want another example? Who hasn't heard of "making up" sex after a fight? Isn't that like the best sex a marriage can have at times? The reason? It makes the woman pitch in with her efforts too. She feels the need to get together with her man again. 

This always leads to the crux of it. When a man places his wife on a pedestal, he may, in fact, be limiting his chances of seeing an improvement in his sex life. Women see his groveling and pleaser attitude as an assurance that he is happy with her and she doesn't need to work for it. 

If you allow yourself to fall into this trap, you're basically screwed. And the more you give yourself the worse. How quaint is that?

If you allow your wife to get so comfortable that she doesn't even feel the need to have a sexual connection with you, then you can't complain about it. And sex is only one of the bad aspects of it.

And i would never advise you to put on some tantrum about it to your wife. It makes you sound weak and her desire for you will be lowered. 

It's a hard pit to climb from. 





> It was not my intention to offend anyone. I am sorry if it appeared that way. I only wanted to share something that meant a lot to me...and changed my life for the better. I think it comes down to what caribbean man said...men like to see..women like to hear.


Dixie i don't think you offended people. In fact, nothing you said was exactly new. I'm betting many of the guys having problems with their wives have heard all of that from a ton of different sources. It just rubbed some of them the wrong way, because they have tried that ad nauseam and it simply doesn't work. And like someone said, it is much more likely to land them in the doormat category than improving the chances of them having sex with their wives. I think they appreciate your intention.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Ah this... I'm sorry, but i'll totally disagree. If you roam around sites or ask friends that have proven themselves very successful with women you'll see that it's not the compliments that gets you laid. It's what happens before that phase.
> 
> There has to be an unconscious process (for the woman) where the man makes an approach and creates an idea in her head that he is a desirable lover and that he is above her league, although he is attentive to her. There are plenty of ways to do this and i'm not getting into that.
> 
> ...





Sorry chief.

I never said it was about putting her on a pedestal.
Rather its about seducing her,and making her feel desirable.

That is what OM does,and that is why most betrayed men are confused as to how the hell did this happen?

Sometimes wayward wife too ,is confused. You guys call it
" the fog ",dopamine , whatever.
The question is how come OM was able to get her brain to release
this 
dopamine ,get her body under his control and hard working , faithful husband can't?

Simple.
He told her what she wanted to hear. 
He puts her in a state of cognitive dissonance. Her beliefs / morals tell her one thing, but her body / feelings telling her something else.
It is the duty of every married man the get into the mind of his wife and find out what she desires. Find out what makes her tick.
The same way words can make her upset or mad, they can make her legs into jelly and get her wet with excitement.

Read this post:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/50468-i-need-taken.html

Some men could have sex with their wives in the night and for the entire day she would get a " rush " and excited ,just remembering it.
Others have sex with their wives and the next morning, all she can think of is how miserable her life is.


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

What you fail to understand, sir, is that having your wife desire you isn't compleltly in your hands. If your wife is not healthy emotionally, none of your ideas are going to work. Your ideas can work for a healthy and committed wife.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

joshbjoshb said:


> What you fail to understand, sir, is that having your wife desire you isn't compleltly in your hands. If your wife is not healthy emotionally, none of your ideas are going to work. Your ideas can work for a healthy and committed wife.




Actually I understand that her desiring me is not completely in my hands.Also emotional health is not an extenuating factor. She is after all, an adult.

If it were completely in my hands ,then it would be akin masturbation, me giving myself sexual gratification.
What makes it exciting to me is the fact that she can refuse. What makes it exciting to her is the " sweet surrender."
She wants to surrender,but she also wants other " intangibles."
Intimacy , Desire ,Emotional Validation and the list goes on.
Its comparable to a formula one performance car. Its built for speed,but needs regular " maintenance."


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

You again failed to understand!

Some ladies have baggage from earlier on in life. Perhaps they were molested. Perhaps they weren't treated well as children. Whatever the case is, none of your "tricks" will work on them. They need professional help, but THEY need to seek it.

So here you go. You can be the best lover and try your best and get not much in return - due to nothing you could have changed.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Sometimes wayward wife too ,is confused. You guys call it
> " the fog ",dopamine , whatever.


Not me, i never used that "fog" terminology. But yes, i've seen plenty of people on this board using it. Specially those guys and gals who have been cheated on. 



> I never said it was about putting her on a pedestal.
> Rather its about seducing her,and making her feel desirable.


Sorry to have misunderstood then.



> Read this post:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-mar...eed-taken.html
> 
> Some men could have sex with their wives in the night and for the entire day she would get a " rush " and excited ,just remembering it.


That's a good laugh... Yes, it's not always women at fault in this field. Many guys don't care or don't know how to please their wives. Take the op in that thread. It isn't exactly that she isn't getting enough sex, it's that the sex she is having isn't doing anything for her. Seen plenty of women wanting some rough sex and their hubbies being too "polite". Very common complaint actually. 



> Its comparable to a formula one performance car. Its built for speed,but needs regular " maintenance."


Good analogy there.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

joshbjoshb said:


> You again failed to understand!
> 
> Some ladies have baggage from earlier on in life. Perhaps they were molested. Perhaps they weren't treated well as children. Whatever the case is, none of your "tricks" will work on them. They need professional help, but THEY need to seek it.
> 
> So here you go. You can be the best lover and try your best and get not much in return - due to nothing you could have changed.




Josh,
I understand!
I posted here that my wife had serious passive aggressive issues!
We own a business and her passive aggressiveness caused me to loose lots of money in bad ,spiteful decisions on her part.
We ended up by Marriage Counsellor early in our marriage.
Turns out she had bad childhood issues.
And we worked through it.
There is no guaranteed , quick fix to any problem in marriage.
But there are guaranteed ,quick ways to loose your marriage and sanity.
It takes a lot of WORK.
No one size fits all!


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## JoeRockStar (Jun 5, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> It was not my intention to offend anyone. I am sorry if it appeared that way. I only wanted to share something that meant a lot to me...and changed my life for the better. I think it comes down to what caribbean man said...men like to see..women like to hear.


I didn't take any offense dixie, I only wish your post were true in my case.


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## Victorias (Jul 8, 2012)

aussiechick said:


> Whatever you do don't have the conversation I just did.
> 
> Me. I think I could get a job at shooters
> Him. Nah you couldn
> ...


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

Hey, thank you for that Caribbean Man. I think a disclaimer is is order for all of the husbands who read this and say "well, I did so much and got nothing."

The fact your wife worked on herself is amazing. Many wives - including mine - just refuse even to recognize the need to, and wouldn't go to a therapist. You are lucky in that sense.

Yes, I do agree with your point that it's much easier to loose a marriage and sanity then save them. I am trying to save.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

dixieangel said:


> It was not my intention to offend anyone. I am sorry if it appeared that way. I only wanted to share something that meant a lot to me...and changed my life for the better. I think it comes down to what caribbean man said...men like to see..women like to hear.


Dixieangel, you didn't say anything offensive. You have to remember this site is filled with people who have been hurt by their spouses. That hurt will color their replies.

Your advice is good in a marriage where both people are interested in having sex. If a man has a wife that does want to have sex with him and doesn't find it a chore, your advice may make her want it more or feel more secure or adventurous in bed with her man.

In some of these relationships though, the wife has little to no interest in sex. It's them, that's the problem, not always what their husband has or hasn't done. To me they are very selfish and aren't interested in meeting their husband's needs. In these cases your advice won't help. They just have no interest in sex and nothing seems to change that.

I'd also like to add that there are numerous threads on here about women begging for sex and their husbands having no interest. Since your advice was geared towards what men can do to get their wives more into sex, I concentrated my reply on low drive wives.

In a relationship where there are no major issues, I believe your advice is very good.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

hubby said:


> Agreed. I think ALL woman want what they can't have. To some extent so do men, but it is much more extreme with women.
> 
> That is all well and good in the beginning of all relationships due to the inherent insecurities normal with new love/lust; but there is a cataclysmic phenomenon that totally brakes this down.
> 
> ...


The above is totally true. I was the doting husband for 10 years. I worked the fulltime job, came home to the family every night, did chores, cooked meals, bought the wife random gifts, was romantic, great lover, great father and generally made it my lifes mission to give my wife the most pleasant and care free existance possible.

Then in January, got the "I'm not happy/somethings missing/I don't feel the same way about you/I don't know what I want/I've lost my libido/" speech. The only thing missing was the ILYBNILWY speech.

After crying, begging pleading etc.. for a couple of weeks I manned up and stopped putting up with crap.

I stopped all the a$$ kissing, the chasing, the worrying about her feelings so much etc...

Now shes happier than she's been in years.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

I do remember the years i was single and not in a relationship. I was dating. I asked other single women that had several men seemingly at their feet buying them gifts and taking them to nice restaurants. The women that didn't make much money but were always going on trips and being showered with attention from men. The answer they gave me? When a man calls you, don't answer--call him back later. When he asks you for a date, pretend you have so much to do but you will try to find time for him --next week! In other words, don't appear desperate and too interested. They will want you more if they have to work harder to get your attention. I saw that as "game playing" and didn't want to do it...but i'm sure there is truth to this. When it comes to material things, we do appreciate things more that we had to work hard and save money for. Maybe this type of approach works better for some.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

bubbly girl said:


> In some of these relationships though, the wife has little to no interest in sex. It's them, that's the problem, not always what their husband has or hasn't done. To me they are very selfish and aren't interested in meeting their husband's needs. In these cases your advice won't help. They just have no interest in sex and nothing seems to change that.


Yes exactly... however it's not that there is NO interest in sex (just not from their H, as some will find ways to cheat) its just that the attraction has already been lost and in many cases I see (from my personal perspective) the W has decided (selfishly IMO) to weld that tap shut so that no matter how hard the H may try in the future he will never be able to get through.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

Lon said:


> Yes exactly... however it's not that there is NO interest in sex (just not from their H, as some will find ways to cheat) its just that the attraction has already been lost and in many cases I see (from my personal perspective) the W has decided (selfishly IMO) to weld that tap shut so that no matter how hard the H may try in the future he will never be able to get through.


I'm sorry that happened to you Lon, but your case is only one of the scenarios. There have been women who post on here that they are very happy in their marriage....they just have no desire for sex and don't understand what the big deal is about. I can't relate to either scenarios. Sex with my husband is important to me. So is being desired by him.

I just wanted to touch on something you mentioned in another post on this thread. You said pickup artists will even tell you to put down women. I have to disagree with this. It's never ok to put down your spouse, man or woman. What I find attractive about my husband is that he would never stand for me putting him down. To me, that is very manly. Being a d!ck is not attractive. Being self assured and confident is.

That goes for both men and women. I had self esteem issues for a while and it was a huge turn off for my husband. Since I now have a healthy self esteem, our sex life has improved. I strongly believe that confidence is very sexy and will go a long way. It will even makeup for physical shortcomings.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Lon said:


> Yes exactly... however it's not that there is NO interest in sex (just not from their H, as some will find ways to cheat) its just that the attraction has already been lost and in many cases I see (from my personal perspective) the W has decided (selfishly IMO) to weld that tap shut so that no matter how hard the H may try in the future he will never be able to get through.


Yes, that is true is some cases.

Maybe I'm the pollyanna here, but I just have strong convictions that communication is a root cause of so many issues.

The average person does not read His Need Her Needs before getting married. 

How can you possibly KNOW that you are meeting your spouse's needs, in the way THEY understand them, unless you take the initiative to find out? 

Shouldn't you rule that out before you ASSUME that doing the dishes is meeting her needs, and therefore you should do a 180 and knock her down a few pegs so she submits to your advances in fear of being alone?

I read this a lot. "I did A, B, C and it didn't work". Therefore, go for the throat!! People are so unique. Their histories make us even more so unique. 

It's different if you do the work together, and find out that her need to feel connected enough to jump you on a regular basis is something you don't want to do, or you blow it off. I think that happens a lot too. In that case... well, what are you going to do? And how many posters will admit THAT on here? It's hard to accept it's something YOU might be doing. It's much easier to just say she's a cold fish and dump her. 

And maybe that is the right thing to do, because if you can't meet her needs in a way that brings out her soul, then NO you shouldn't be married. 

And by the time a lot of posters get here, they aren't willing to listen to what she wants. They are too resentful. And so is their spouse. 

Yeah, yeah... "I've asked her a million times and she won't tell me". Every time that is said, there is a woman saying "I"ve told you a million times and you won't listen". 

Communication. Without fear. 
Fear that your spouse will laugh at you, will not be able to meet that need, that they will leave you if you speak up about it. 

You can give someone 10 apples every single day. If they really really just want ONE orange, once in awhile, they resent the apples. They really do.


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## Double Trouble (Jun 5, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> I just wanted to share my life experience..
> 
> I believe men have the power to turn a woman into the sexual goddess they want her to be. The key is to treat her as though she is the most incredible woman you've ever experienced. Point out her best features and let her know repeatedly how much you love them..even crave them. Let her know that pleasuring her is your greatest turn on. Women are not as visual. They seem to be turned on more by language / auditory stimulation.
> 
> ...


:rofl:This can't be for real. To actual think you can make a generalized statement about all or any woman and think that this applies, you are living in a fantasy world. What works for 1 person doesn't mean that it will work for another. I am really happy that this obviously works for you Dixieangel but I have tried this with my wife and I am still trying to get her to open up after 27 years. Sorry, you are just wrong.....:nono:


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

bubbly girl said:


> I'm sorry that happened to you Lon, but your case is only one of the scenarios. There have been women who post on here that they are very happy in their marriage....they just have no desire for sex and don't understand what the big deal is about. I can't relate to either scenarios. Sex with my husband is important to me. So is being desired by him.
> 
> I just wanted to touch on something you mentioned in another post on this thread. You said pickup artists will even tell you to put down women. I have to disagree with this. It's never ok to put down your spouse, man or woman. What I find attractive about my husband is that he would never stand for me putting him down. To me, that is very manly. Being a d!ck is not attractive. Being self assured and confident is.
> 
> That goes for both men and women. I had self esteem issues for a while and it was a huge turn off for my husband. Since I now have a healthy self esteem, our sex life has improved. I strongly believe that confidence is very sexy and will go a long way. It will even makeup for physical shortcomings.


The reason I'm pointing out my case is not because its just one of the scenarios, yes not all women may cheat or leave, but I'm talking about fundamental attraction and how important that truly is as I found out and had no idea beforehand. That is what HNHN is all about really...

I'm also not saying its cool to put your W down, I agree it is not attractive to be dik, however my warning is that what works isn't simply what a woman likes, what I am saying is that the W following what she likes all the time, and being pleased all the time, building up her ego, WILL kill the relationship if it is one sided, and if a woman has the attitude that having to do anything for someone else is unpleasant then it is doomed. Without the confidence and self esteem necessary to keep her attraction anything he does for her instead of him is futile, so what is more important in the relationship is not keeping up your spouse's self esteem, rather keeping up your own and keeping the bond intact.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Lon said:


> The reason I'm pointing out my case is not because its just one of the scenarios, yes not all women may cheat or leave, but I'm talking about fundamental attraction and how important that truly is as I found out and had no idea beforehand. That is what HNHN is all about really...
> 
> I'm also not saying its cool to put your W down, I agree it is not attractive to be dik, however my warning is that what works isn't simply what a woman likes, what I am saying is that the W following what she likes all the time, and being pleased all the time, building up her ego, WILL kill the relationship if it is one sided, and if a woman has the attitude that having to do anything for someone else is unpleasant then it is doomed. Without the confidence and self esteem necessary to keep her attraction anything he does for her instead of him is futile, *so what is more important in the relationship is not keeping up your spouse's self esteem, rather keeping up your own and keeping the bond intact.*




While I agree with most of what you said,that last part has me a bit confused. I believe,and I may very well be wrong , that marriage calls for a couple to be interdependent. They must have each other's back. This calls for a certain level of maturity and understanding before marriage. 

Building attraction in a single woman towards you when you are single, and building attraction in your wife of 5 years upwards, are two completely different things. The fundamentals are the same but the latter is way more complex, and includes a man being brutally honest with himself.

When he is single,a guy can bluff his way around chicks,and their attraction builds automatically.Play the game right and his bed will always have different women.
After marriage,the real man comes out , because she calls all your bluffs ,and there is no "wingman "to cover your a$$.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

costa200;898748
[/B said:


> You see it's not that they didn't dedicate themselves to their partners. It's that simply put, a compliment from a non-husband other male is worth 100x more. *You can say you love her and she looks pretty everyday and she will still find it more important to have that other dude that isn't her husband tells her that she is.*
> 
> Now, lets think this through, *if making a woman hot and feeling sexual with her husband was as easy as giving her a little of attention and complimenting her (or making the ultimate corny thing of offering flowers),* would this part forum have half the posts in it? Seriously? Isn't that what "not getting any" hubbies do almost immediately after feeling the problem? Isn't that what our feminized media teaches men to do?


The above that is bolded is exactly what most women have a problem with...the thing that many of us complain about. 

There is a distinct difference between a husband sending some flowers and saying "You're pretty" vs. a stranger off the street approaching your wife asking them if there is any chance they are single (or whatever random pick up line or compliment).

'You're pretty' and some random flowers does not make an impact because it says nothing to a wife about how she makes her husband feel. It's lovely to hear, and it certainly lets us know that we are loved...but it has nothing to do with any kind of sexual spark. However, she knows, if she looked hot enough to make some stranger take a chance at picking her up, she must have created some sort of sexual spark in the other person.

*We don't want to be cherished...we want to be desired!* It's not that hard to understand! 

I don't want to hear that I am pretty, I want to hear that today I looked so hot to my husband that he fantasized all day long about pulling my skirt up, bending me over the bed and shlepping my brains out. I want him to walk behind me in a store, and then come whisper in my ear that I my hips have turned him on so much that all he can think about is getting me home and in bed. 

There is such a huge difference between the two, for the woman that wants to be there. If your wife doesn't want to be there, doesn't want the sex, doesn't want the relationship...this just won't work.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> I think it's pretty funny that a real woman is sharing her particular point of view on what actually turns her on and makes her feel sexual and a whole bunch of men are REAL quick to tell her she's full of ****.
> 
> Dixie, I agree with you. The times that I'm way more into my husband almost directly correlate with how sexy he makes me feel. It's all in the manner of conveyance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As pointed out, a lot of husbands have tried this and it has failed miserably. In fact it often has the exact opposite effect. Part of the problem is that she has to be WILLING to let him HELP her feel sexy. He can't MAKE her feel sexy.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> We don't want to be cherished...we want to be desired! It's not that hard to understand!


There is a huge amount of gentlemen that have trouble with that notion. And it really is dramatic, because the difference is fundamental.



> I don't want to hear that I am pretty, I want to hear that today I looked so hot to my husband that he fantasized all day long about pulling my skirt up, bending me over the bed and shlepping my brains out. I want him to walk behind me in a store, and then come whisper in my ear that I my hips have turned him on so much that all he can think about is getting me home and in bed.


Thanks for summing up what i'm doing right...


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Victorias said:


> Hmmmm....and most men are not the "Magic Mike" (the new movie in theaters) looking kinda guy either but.......they think there are and we let them think so.


Actually they don't think they are. But they want YOU to think they are. And even though they know you don't really think they are, they want you to care enough to pretend they are to try to make them think they are to YOU.


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## JoeRockStar (Jun 5, 2012)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> I don't want to hear that I am pretty, I want to hear that today I looked so hot to my husband that he fantasized all day long about pulling my skirt up, bending me over the bed and shlepping my brains out. I want him to walk behind me in a store, and then come whisper in my ear that I my hips have turned him on so much that all he can think about is getting me home and in bed.


And what happens when you try something like this and get a stunning rejection in return? I know I felt like a complete and total MORON when it happened to me.  I would not consider doing something like this ever again, the humiliation is too much to bear.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Drover said:


> Actually they don't think they are. But they want YOU to think they are. And even though they know you don't really think they are, they want you to care enough to pretend they are to try to make them think they are to YOU.


Working on a mind twisting kind of way :smthumbup:


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Drover said:


> Actually they don't think they are. But they want YOU to think they are. And even though they know you don't really think they are, they want you to care enough to pretend they are to try to make them think they are to YOU.


Yes! Romance!


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

That is not true for everyone. I do all those things for my wife and still only get the scheduled 2 days per week. We are in counseling about that now. It almost led to a divorce. It's still hasn't changed much, but we are actively in counseling. We'll see what happens.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

JoeRockStar said:


> And what happens when you try something like this and get a stunning rejection in return? I know I felt like a complete and total MORON when it happened to me.  I would not consider doing something like this ever again, the humiliation is too much to bear.


Like I said...it only works if she wants it. I can't tell you how to make someone want it that doesn't. Anyone that says they can...well, I reckon would be some sort of pro.

I understand about the rejection though...to put yourself out there, dress up in racy lingerie, to think about what your husband's reaction might be, how turned on you are going to make him...and then his only reaction is to say 'You look nice', or even worse, act like nothing is out of the ordinary at all...it's a giant slap in the face for a woman. I can't tell you how many times that happened (or something of a similar nature) during my marriage. I felt like an idiot, and it made me so mad to later on hear my husband tell me that he was irritated because our sex life had dropped off...wtf?! It's taken us a while to finally get a better understanding of what the other needs to see, hear and feel. That only comes with communicating, and a mutual desire by both parties to fix things.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

Originally Posted by Victorias 
Hmmmm....and most men are not the "Magic Mike" (the new movie in theaters) looking kinda guy either but.......they think there are and we let them think so.



Drover said:


> Actually they don't think they are. But they want YOU to think they are. And even though they know you don't really think they are, they want you to care enough to pretend they are to try to make them think they are to YOU.



It works both ways...we know we are not hot porn star sex kittens...but we want to think we make you feel that way. And if we think we made you feel that way...then we indeed feel like hot porn star sex kittens...And then want to act accordingly!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> The above that is bolded is exactly what most women have a problem with...the thing that many of us complain about.
> 
> There is a distinct difference between a husband sending some flowers and saying "You're pretty" vs. a stranger off the street approaching your wife asking them if there is any chance they are single (or whatever random pick up line or compliment).
> 
> ...



:iagree:

While you like hearing it , and you know how other men feel...
You want to hear it from HIM.......Because it does something inside for you.

Pity the guy who cannot understand this , and separate it from the other 
" issues."
His sex life would always be a downward ,confusing spiral.


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## J.R.Jefferis (Jun 27, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> I just wanted to share my life experience..
> 
> I believe men have the power to turn a woman into the sexual goddess they want her to be. The key is to treat her as though she is the most incredible woman you've ever experienced. Point out her best features and let her know repeatedly how much you love them..even crave them. Let her know that pleasuring her is your greatest turn on. Women are not as visual. They seem to be turned on more by language / auditory stimulation.
> 
> ...


Sounds pretty simple doesn't it?


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

JoeRockStar said:


> And what happens when you try something like this and get a stunning rejection in return? I know I felt like a complete and total MORON when it happened to me.  I would not consider doing something like this ever again, the humiliation is too much to bear.


Because for every woman who wants to be desired, not cherished, there's one who wants to be cherished, not desired. And another who wants something else entirely


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## floxie (Jun 22, 2012)

Sawney Beane said:


> Because for every woman who wants to be desired, not cherished, there's one who wants to be cherished, not desired. And another who wants something else entirely


Sawney, i agree. I would rather be cherished than desired. Because if i don't feel that i am being cherished by my husband, then his desiring me intimately just turns me off. But when i feel cherished, loved, appreciated, i am putty in his hand and WANT him to desire me.


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## JoeRockStar (Jun 5, 2012)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> Like I said...it only works if she wants it.


It seems the only way I can get my wife to "want it" is to completely detach myself from her for a couple of weeks. Then all of a sudden, she's the one instigating. Even then her idea of instigating is "hey it's been a while, wanna have sex later?" Oh boy, I'm hot now! NOT.  Makes me think of "hey we haven't had meat loaf in a while, want that for dinner?". It didn't used to be this way or our relationship would not have lasted its 20 year span.

I've noticed that I care less and less about it as of late. Don't know if it's bitterness, age, or my NMMNG training and it might actually be a good thing in a way. Still, I can't help but find it sad especially when plenty of couples we know are happily screwing like rabbits.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Sawney Beane said:


> Because for every woman who wants to be desired, not cherished, there's one who wants to be cherished, not desired. And another who wants something else entirely


OMG, Sawney Beane... this is so very true, isn't it !

Never really thought about it too much! I'm greedy, I want both!  But yeah, I think plenty want just to be "treasured"...that enough fills their cup.... without the strings of LUST following right behind.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

It's not so much about building my self esteem as it is meeting my insatiable need for words...when we first started dating he would go on and on and on about why I was so great and how wonderful I was and how beautiful I am. And I would get pages and pages of love letters....he would leave them under my windshield wiper on my car mail me flowers with various messages attached. I'm gushing bc my point is...the man laid it on THICK. It worked. He is good....and he still lays it on thick  Now when I need WORDS from him I ask him to give me a speech (our term - we both know what that means) and then he does and about halfway thru I tell him to stop talking and ..... me. Words, among other things, equal time in the bedroom. It just speaks to that part of me somehow (the part that wants to have sex).


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

costa200 said:


> 5/10 when a guy manages to convince their wifes that they are better than they really are the wife realizes she can do better than settle for him
> 
> 
> Quite honestly, women don't get excited by guys that grovel at their feet. They feel desire for the guys that make THEM grovel.
> ...


So this type of guy you speak of.....makes my feminist protective barrier come on full force. The guy the OP describes...makes me say, I'm yours...take me...feminism is bs! So ya....OP's version sure gets my husband laid.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

dixieangel said:


> I just wanted to share my life experience..
> 
> I believe men have the power to turn a woman into the sexual goddess they want her to be. The key is to treat her as though she is the most incredible woman you've ever experienced. Point out her best features and let her know repeatedly how much you love them..*even crave them*. *Let her know that pleasuring her is your greatest turn on*. Women are not as visual.* They seem to be turned on more by language / auditory stimulation*.
> 
> ...



My husband has always left me feeling like the most beautiful woman - like he only had eyes for me.. I never questioned his LOVE for me, not for a day....

*BUT*....he kinda failed on the "*craving*" part....in the verbal sense anyway. I so agree with what you say here....."_women are more turned on by language /auditory stimulation_". 

I did feel desired through his TOUCH (he is very touchy feely)... so I don't want to complain too much here....But yeah.....This thread explains where I feel my husband missed it with me. (We were both guilty though)

Looking back, I was trapped in "inhibitions".... embarrased for him to see my body in the light, pushed him away from oral sex, wanted a sheet over us... I feel had he used more of the VERBAL on me....lavishing / freely expressing his *insatiable WANT *of me -when he was feeling this way - instead of hiding it, silencing it ..... It could have upped my pleasurable excitement...hearing his voice say such things...how badly he wanted , craved....I would have trusted it somehow, if he teased me to reveal -little by little... but he just allowed me to go my inhibited way.... no gently pushing me/guiding me to new heights. 

We talked about this thread last night- cause I consider THIS one of our sexual blunders......as he gave me a zillion "I love you's"... but rarely if ever..... "I want you baby, I can't get enough of your body"...'I need you".... "I want to feel your hot body next to mine" - some of that sweet flirtatous in the verbal .... I KNOW he felt this way...so I asked WHY he never talked to me like this... 

....He explained he didn't want to come off like a "Player "-he felt there was a line of crossing into "disrespect".....I told him well he was too damn gentelmanly!! A little bad boy would have been Goooood here. Both of us inhibited ...the blind leading the blind... I looked at oral sex as Pornish and he looked upon HOT expressing of what he wants to do to me.... as PLAYERISH [email protected]#$%^^& 

I told him we were married !! He was simply "too quiet" of a Lover. I complained about this in the past...and he shut me up good by saying.. "My touch should have been worth a thousand words". True, but darn it, I still CRAVE some of that verbal....us women enjoy that ! 

Bummer bummer bummer, I love the man... Live & learn. He's gotten a little better anyway.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

And for some men...they've gotten to the point where they feel so tired of rejection for having tried EVERYTHING known to man and coming up short that they can't fathom "cherishing" their wife and start to "desire" others.

The cherish bank is going on empty.


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