# Found Text Messages the other day



## Confused Redhead (Jul 15, 2020)

I've been married for about half a year. Husband didn't cheat on me during our relationship before marriage. One time we broke up, and he messaged his ex, but didn't get together. She tried calling him on our wedding day, which is a holiday. She probably didn't know we were getting married, but it gave me an excuse to be pissed at her.

The other day, I tried to answer the phone while my husband was sleeping. He works nightshift, and we were expecting an important call. It turned out to be spam, but when I checked the call log, saw a bunch of sent calls to his ex. She would let it ring and then it would get sent to voicemail. So, yeah, that's the kind of **** she is, make no mistake. 

Then I looked at the texts. He was sending her these gross texts calling her his two hole princess, girl fox girl, whatever. He said "we almost have a house" and "I'm going to buy you the biggest ring." He's buying a house right now and I thought we were excited about living in it.

So, here's the history of his ex. She plays the waif and is manipulative. She goes by a name that's different than her birth name. She blew my husband on their first date, which he had told her he didn't want to do that. So, rape. He was saving it for marriage at the time.

She is a drug addict, an alcoholic, and a controller of people. She looks like his mother. She still has accounts with their picture and his last name, even though they were never married. They were together for seven years, no kids, even though she was pushing for marriage. She is also a criminal. She goes to the hospital all the time to pretend that she's dying, but unfortunately never gets around to it. Her mother killed several people at different times while cheating on her husbands by driving cars on cruise control while having sex. That bag didn't kill herself until she was finally old enough to where nobody wanted her ass. It took forever and too many people died. The justice system got paid off, probably blow jobs were in involved. Too many parents of children and normal families. This is why I **** shame, folks. They aren't exactly helpless.

Back to the story. She blocked all but two of his nasty texts. One was in a response to her going to the hospital. He had received a call from the hospital and asked her if she was okay. Unfortunately, she's still kicking around. So, she got two of his texts, but didn't respond to them. 

I asked him what would happen if she responded? He said he would just ignore it like he always does. So yeah, they like to play hot and cold apparently. 🙄 He said a couple of things. One was of his nightmares of her dying, which would be a dream come true imo. One was that he saw us as one person and it was how he coped after fights. She was usually a big part of our fights.

The reason I married my husband is because we really liked each other, had the same beliefs, compatable personalities, etc. But the biggest thing for me was how much he pursued me and really wanted to be with me. I accidentally saw his phone the first time we met in person and the alarm said "meet future wife". He was constantly doing things for me. Even when we were married I would say that he was a good husband, until I saw that. I trusted him, so this is hard.

He let me take pictures of the texts and show them to friends to ask their opinions. He seems remorseful and is willing to put in the effort to regain my trust. This is fairly open now, within our close circle, but hasn't gone beyond that. He watched me as I heaped abuse on his ex via text, and said that he just wanted me to stay. What I said to her was gross, and not true. I said I wanted for us to get together and for her to do humiliating sex acts while I watched. If she's going to use sex as a weapon, she can try me. I hope she ODs. I hope if this relationship ends, neither of them will end up happy. 

I may sound like a bitterbitch, but I think I have the right. I have done my best to be a good wife, even with my health issues. I trusted him enough to not sign a marriage contract, and he is worth a lot of money. Maybe I was too trusting, but I didn't think this was ever get to happen, even as it was happening.


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## Confused Redhead (Jul 15, 2020)

In case people thought sex was an issue, it was happening all the time.
He had nothing in there, made sure of it.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

First, you need to focus your anger entirely on the guy that promised to be faithful (not the OW).

Second, his texting is not about her (she was just accessible). He has deeper issues which if not addressed he will repeat with someone else.

Every spouse has a right to feel safe from infidelity. Your husband's behavior is a big fail (made worse because you're still newly weds). 

This is the easy stage of marriage - life just gets more challenging from here.

He needs to understand that those texts destroyed your trust in him. As a result of his decision to text her there is NO LONGER any basis for you to believe anything he says or his promises. 

Judge him only on his behavior. It gets better with time - but it will take years for you to fully trust him again (assuming he's willing to make the effort).

He needs IC to identify why; plus he has to not only be transparent - but he needs to avoid any situation that leaves you wondering about what he's up to (e.g., going out with the guys, travel). Unfortunately, it leaves you feeling like a prison warden (and that's another reason to be angry at him).


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

See if you can get an annulment.


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## Confused Redhead (Jul 15, 2020)

Robert22205 said:


> First, you need to focus your anger entirely on the guy that promised to be faithful (not the OW).
> 
> Second, his texting is not about her (she was just accessible). He has deeper issues which if not addressed he will repeat with someone else.
> 
> ...


Probably the kindest thing I've heard. Thanks.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Redhead, you have to demand a lot more of your husband. This is way past okay. This ex should not be in his life, at all. He needs to cut her off.

I mean, he is the one that is reaching out to HER. Why? And why is that okay? This isn't about her responses one bit. This is about your husband contacting an ex, for...some reason. To me, it sounds like he is not over her.

In your shoes I would MAYBE give him one last chance. Maybe. And in that last chance I would demand a full no-contact with this ex, ever again. One violation and I'd be calling an attorney.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

His ex maybe is a bad person,that’s why she is an ex now, but the problem you have is not with her, but with him. She is around because he wants her around.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Jesus. Yet another one who foolishly thinks her problem is the ex and not the sorry sack of **** she married.

You're so naive. Do you honestly think it was a COINCIDENCE that Pig Boy's ex just happened to call him on your wedding day? Seriously? Do you think that was a *coincidence*?



> *He let me take pictures of the texts and show them to friends to ask their opinions. He seems remorseful and is willing to put in the effort to regain my trust. *


Well, gosh and golly - how *big* of him. He's pretending to be remorseful (this ass-hole wouldn't know what remorse IS if you shoved it down his throat) and he's 'willing' to _make an effort_ to regain your trust. Gosh, what more could a girl ask for? 

*Why* are you settling for this **** show? Are you afraid you won't be able to have anyone in your life again, so you'll lower your expectations to ZERO, swallow your pride, and stay with this loser? I don't get it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She’s not the problem. He is.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

@Confused Redhead, please remember, the OW owes you absolutely nothing so your anger is totally misplaced. Why aren’t you angry with your new husband who has been communicating with this woman? Time for you to address the elephant in the room. Time to go scorched earth on your WH who has no boundaries at all


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

If you're looking to salvage the marriage, he needs to meet your demands:
1. Change his phone number
2. Have an open door policy with the phone or any social media
3. If he does have social media, delete it or block the ex. 

Stand your ground and do not make peace until he does all of the following.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I think you should do a reality TV show.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> See if you can get an annulment.


And hire this fellow:-


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