# Seperated and seeking unbiased, helpful advice, please



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

It's been 2-1/2 weeks since my husband and I seperated and as the title reads I am looking for an unbiased perspective. Before you read any further, taking a cue from Muskrat, I am only looking for helpful advice as I am totally commited to doing whatever I can to salvage my marriage. If you feel the need to tell me divorce is my only answer - please go elsewhere as divorce is not what I'm here for.

So, as I said, it's been 2-1/2 weeks... I'll give you the background story and I apologize in advance as this will most likely end up being more of a novel than a simple post. Oh - and I suck at grammer/spelling and am notorious for run-on sentances/paragraphs - so be warned!

My husband and I have been married for 2 years - together for about 10, literally living together since the first day we started dating and have known each other for 15 years. We did take a break 7 years ago due to an PA on my part. At the time (and I am not trying to make excuses, more trying to explain what led to this in the first place. I know my actions were inexcusable, selfish and downright horrible and I was lucky to be forgiven in the first place) we were dating for 3 years and for about a year prior to this happening I began to feel neglected. I felt as if his friends and his time with them were more important than I. I also felt that I was bearing the responsibilty for everything, and when I say everything - I mean it. He would at the time give me money to pay bills, more often than not it was not enough money to cover his share and I would have to cover the remaining amounts. So bills and their paying was all handled by me. Housework - all done by me. Yardwork - all done by me. Maintaing vehicles, home repairs - what I was capable of was done by myself and if I was not capable my family or friends would help me out. I began to resent him for the lack of help/support/whatever you want to label it and I stupidly went in search of someone who told me all the things I wanted to hear and who seemed to actually enjoy my prescense. What began as an EA led to a PA. Please know that I was NEVER in love with the OM but relished the attention he gave me. my husband (boyfriend at the time) eventually discovered the affair and moved out of our home for 3 months to clear his head in an attempt to resolve not only our issues with our relationship but to give each other the space to resolve our own personal issues on each side that led to the affair. After he left I resigned myself to become the best possible girlfriend I could ever be. I did everything and everything I could to make sure he would return home and that when he did our relationship would be better than ever. I once again took on the role of all round caretaker (for lack of a better phrase) that I had resented - I didn't care, at that time I wanted my boyfriend back no matter what and hoped that after the horrible expierence I brought on us that we would both learn and grow/change from it. I thought we would so I kept on waiting.

The years went by and we seemed to be closer than ever (thou looking back I guess that may not have been the case). We decided we would get married - sadly the day was slightly marred by my RX addicted father running out of his fix and having to be taken to a rehab facility, do you ever wonder if some things are a sign of more trouble to come?

I thought we were happy as husband and wife. I am an introvert while he is an extrovert and we seemed to balance that out nicely - once again, so I thought. While I did not feel he was helping me with household related things as much I thought he should, he himself thought he was even thou I voiced my concerns multitudes of times. Slowly it seemed as if we started to drift apart and naievly I thought this was normal, just a bump in the road of marriage, but I guess not. 

Earlier this year he started to drift more and more. He rarely called or texted me, started going out to the bar with his friends and not inviting me, when not going out with his friends he would constantly have them over to our house till very late in the evening/early morning hours leaving us with almost no time together for ourselves. I voiced my concerns in light hearted ways - afraid of pushing him away further. 

In June I had an accident which dislocated my elbow, tore all the ligaments at the elbow and broke a small piece of the bone off. At first the Doc didn't think the injury too severe and it wasn't until 3 weeks after the injury occured that the Doc took back his original diagnosis and said I may have to have surgery to repair the injury and either way, with or without the surgery I would loose a vast majority of the movement in that arm. At this time I was unable to do even the simplest of things, I couldn't even fasten my own bra let alone cook, clean, do yard work or work on vehicles and let my husband know that I really needed him to step up and help me - which he said he had no problem doing. Well, nothing got done. Barely any help was given - it got to where he was agitated by my waking him to fasten said bra so I could go to work. In one way I guess this was a good thing because it pushed me to get my arm back to normal without surgery (for we have no insurance). After 7 weeks I was back doing everything I was doing before, either using only one arm or dealing with the elbow occasionally dislocating - here is where my resentment began to bloom.

It was also at this time when my husband came to me and informed me he thought he was having a midlife crisis. I was very skeptical to this as he is only 31 and I 30. He told me he wasn't happy with how his life was turning out. He didn't want to live in the area, was unhappy with what little money he made and the fact that he felt like he constantly mooched off of me. I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said no. I asked him if we were going to be ok - he said he hoped so. I asked what I could do to help make the situation better - he said he didn't know if there was anything I could do. He said he felt like we hadn't been connected emotionally for a long time, that I didn't give him the affection he needed - emotional or physically. Not knowing what to do I just decided to march on. We decided we would have one dedicated date night a week, just the two of us and keep "working" on it from there.

Our first date night a female friend (who has her own boyfriend) of his called at 9pm and asked that he go with her to pick someone up from the airport with her 2 hours away. I foolishly told him to go, half using stupid women's reverse logic and half knowing that if he didn't go he'd be talking/texting with her on the phone the remainder of the evening. He left to go with her even after I told him how much I didn't want him to go.

After this and despite my feelings of resentment for various things I once again poured myself into doing everything I could for our relationship. Instead of giving what I thought was 100% I tried even harder. It got to where the last 2 months we were together were admittantly the best of out relationship. Then I looked at the cell phone bills.

Both of our phones were in my name. I didn't opt for detailed billing so I didn't pay attention to who we were talking to. I noticed that we were starting to go over our minutes and were starting to use up all of our rollover minutes. I expressed to him that I thought me needed to upgrade our plan and let him know that I was going to do so. A week later I logged on to our account and noticed 90% of all minutes were being used by him calling the same number. I thought prehaps the number was his sister as she likes to call him constanly. When I asked who it was it turned out to be the same girl he left me on our first date night to hang out with. I was sick. I went off. I saw how he spent a majority of his time constanting talking to this girl when he would barely call me. And if he wasn't talking with her then they were texting. He assures me this girl is just a good friend and that he would never/has never slept with her (this I truely believe as that is not who he is). He tells me that this girl is a destroyer of men and he would never want to date her. He also tells me that they have talked/texted this much on and off for the last 2 years since we were married. I told him I thought this was the deserved karma for what I had done to him.

This argument lasted 3 days culminating with him deciding that it would be best if we seperated. He says that it's noy just her that is out problem, she is merely a symptom. He tells me that I have been the best wife that anyone could hope for, that I never gave anything less than 110% (his own works). He tells me that it's mostly him - that he doesn't understand why he treats me the way he does and that I don't deserve to be treated this way.

I didn't know what else to do. He wanted space to figure himself and our marriage out. I was scared that if we remained together that me being there would somehow make it worse. I told him that a seperation was not what I wanted, that I took a vow of "for better or worse" and that when times were worse a married couple was supposed to work even harder together to fix it. I gave him what he wanted but not in the way he expected. I think he expected me to kick him out but I didn't. I left. I packed all my things (99% of the furnishings and household items I brought into our relationship - he brought the 2 tv's). I took everything, minus the couch, a desk, a cabinet, a vacuum, a set of plates, cutlery and pots and pans - some because I could easily replace them if necessary and some because they just wouldn't fit into the storage locker I rented. I moved in with family 3 days before our 2nd marriage anniversary and have been with them ever since.

He said we would meet on Tuesday evenings and try to work things out and hopefully from there we could start "dating" again. He said he doesn't want a divorce - that he hopes we come out of this husband and wife 2.0 version. When I left he said he would call me every day. That lasted 4 days. A few times he called and I was admittantly angry and purposefully/childishly ignored his phone calls. 

We met on the 1st Tuesday (our anniversary) to go out to dinner, during which I found out the following day that he and the girl were texting back and forth during. 

We met last Tuesday to go over bills and the money he owes me. I got my name off of our rental lease and all our utilities put solely in his name. We never had a joint bank account so that wasn't an issue. The only thing that remains in both our names is the car insurance. We discussed a payment plan for him to repay me and just kind of "hung out" for a while afterwards.

When I was leaving I told him that I missed him and he said he missed me, too. He also told me that I could call him anytime to talk. That was almost a week ago and he's answered 1 of the 4 times I've called.

So, that's where we are. I see him again tomorrow and know not what to expect. I hate not knowing what he's doing or thinking. I'm scared that he's going to forget about me. I'm scared that he might decide that his life is better off without me. I'm not one who easily lets people in and I'm scared I'm going to lose the person I love the most. I already feel like my heart is gone. I've taken my wedding ring off as I don't feel right wearing it when he seems more invested in a relationship (be it extremely close friends) with a woman other than myself. I'm scared I'm acting like a hypocrite being so upset with their relationship after what I did to him 7 years ago. I'm just so very scared.

If you've made it this far in reading, thank you. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this - I knew it would be a novel.

Please, if you have any positive thoughts, opinions, suggestions or whatever, please post them - I appreciate whatever you can give me.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

First off congratulations on coming here asking for help instead of dealing with this on your own, blaming yourself and such.

I'm going to give it to you straight and save you a lot of trouble. Your dealing with a husband who reuses to be a husband or meet you half of the way, and wants to leave you to his dirty work while he's with another woman. He wants to divorce you for a life of partying and sleeping around, correct? C'mon, Eternal. 

Is this really a man you want to be picking up after and doing his share of chores while he skips out on paying the rent, or bills, or for his phone, or for medical bills, or ANYTHING for the next twenty years? You don't need this man to be happy, it sounds to me like you figured that out with the first PA.

And don't beat yourself up for the PA. You admitted to your faults and took responsibilit to improve your relationship. In my book that makes you a very good woman. BUT I don't see a lot of change in him since he "found himself" while taking a break. If anything he kinda phoned it in and then let himself get depressed again and left you to deal with the dirst work while he chased after instant gratification in bars and around other women.

The sooner you see tha you can do A LOT BETTER, the sooner you will feel better and realize this man is making you miserable.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Eternal Embrace
> 
> He tells me that this girl is a destroyer of men and he would never want to date her. He also tells me that they have talked/texted this much on and off for the last 2 years since we were married. I told him I thought this was the deserved karma for what I had done to him.
> 
> ...








The least your husband is doing is an EA (Emotional affair) betrayal.
*
You are weak because you are still beating yourself up over your PA of 7 years ago. . You are every scared that you may lose him so you are compromising.*


This man, your husband, is in desperate need of accountability. You took a step in that direction by moving out. However, you want and need him more than he does you and that puts you at an disadvantage right now. He is not suffering enough consequences to stop his addiction. Yes he has a type of addiction, *that addiction is that he is getting an emotional high or a sexual high or both from the OW.*

He says things that indicate that he knows that he is wrong but he has not stopped with the EA with the OW. Always remember that actions always speak louder than words. *Do not trust words, trust actions only!*

Advice? The advice that I give you is that you impose as severe consequences (for accountability) on him as you can without those consequences being hate or revenge based. When you are in an addiction it takes a real hard jolt to get you to consider changing. Right now he is trying to have it both ways. He is keeping you on the line as a backup and is getting his fix from the OW.

If I am wrong about your husband and the other woman (I doubt that I am, but possible) then your husband wants to change his life style and that does not include you to any great degree. In either case you cannot have a successful marriage under either circumstance.

Here is what I see so far. You are in an emotional trap; you are so needy that you will compromise in thought and action because you are desperate. You are a good woman with a good conscience but you are weak and that is not going to help your situation. *As hard as it may be you need to go on a diligent plan to build YOURSELF up body, mind, and spirit*. I know that is not what you a want, you want relief from the emotional torture that you are having. You are not going to get relief by being weak and your husband is also getting weaker. Two weak people cannot break an addiction. When you get stronger you will be able to help your husband with accounatbility and respect for you and himself. *When you have accountabilty and respect in a relationship you have very good tools for building a successful marriage.*

When you get stronger you will start to eliminate some of your compromises because they are based on your quilt about your PA 7 year ago. I am glad that you have your relatives and hope that they will lift you up. In addition, *I hope that you tap into your spiritual life and realize that you are forgiven and are a very valuable person, with or without your husband*.

If you are not able to impose enough or any consequences to help add accountability to your husband then you must be willing to suffer the separation until you get stronger and let time go by to see if your husband will grow up and get away from his s addiction.

I realize that the help that you may get on the internet is not enough to get you in a lot better shape. I would recommend that you get all help that you can, make sure that the help you get has your best interest at heart and not have some other motive. I will also suggest that you get the book LOVE MUST BE TOUGH, HOPE FOR A MARRIAGE IN CRISES, by James Dobson PhD.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Nsweet said:


> First off congratulations on coming here asking for help instead of dealing with this on your own, blaming yourself and such.
> 
> I'm going to give it to you straight and save you a lot of trouble. Your dealing with a husband who reuses to be a husband or meet you half of the way, and wants to leave you to his dirty work while he's with another woman. He wants to divorce you for a life of partying and sleeping around, correct? C'mon, Eternal.
> 
> ...


Nsweet - thank you for your input - you really hit the nail on the head with your perspective. 

You're right on many counts - the only thing is he has repeatedly told me that he doesn't want a divorce - he *says* really wants us to work things out but he thinks to do so we have to start from scratch. I do hope this is really the case and that he's not stinging me along. But as Mr Blunt pointed out so correctly "actions speak louder than words."

I realize that while cutting him so much slack in his responsibilities did nothing to make him want to be the man he should be at the same time I was brought up that if you love someone you do what you can to help them out. Hindsight is always 20/20 and with that I can see that my actions did nothing to help either one of us.

You know, at one time we did have a really great relationship and I think that's what I'm clinging to - hoping that one day maybe we can get that back. After reading yours and Mr Blunts replies I am now starting to tell myself "I love him, I want him, but I don't need him" and I will leave it at that until he can prove to me in actions that I am more than just a doormat/2nd mother to him.

Again, thank you for your input but whats more - *thank you so much for your words of support* I really have beat myself up over my PA - and you're right - I owned that sh!t and came out what I think to be a better person because of it. I consider myself living proof that people can change (he is a firm believer that people do not which maybe some of his problem) and I am very proud that I can represent that.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> The least your husband is doing is an EA (Emotional affair) betrayal.
> *
> You are weak because you are still beating yourself up over your PA of 7 years ago. . You are every scared that you may lose him so you are compromising.*
> 
> ...


Mr Blunt - thank you, too, for your input - you really do live up to your screen name and I respect that!

I tried to highlight in red what in your post hit me the most.

I am compromising. I truely am. I recognize this with the help of the above replies (and Divorcecovenant's even thou his disapeared for some reason) that I am codependant upon my husband. I wasn't always like this but after 10 years it is what I came to be. And in being that I did compromise what I felt our marriage deserved in exchange of not rocking the boat and possibly pushing him away so to speak. 

I agree that he does need accountability and I will admit I am both torn and confused (for lack of a better word) on this. I am torn because as you pointed out - right now I AM weak. I'm afraid and have always been afraid that if I were to hold him accountable it would push him away - that and the fact that he likes to tell me verbatim "you knew who I was when we got together". I did know but I foolishly hoped that our love and relationship would make him want to step up and grow up. I'm confused because I don't know what else I can do to hold him accountable. When I left (which I will admit I did leave for him to give him the "space" he says he so needed) I took 99.5% of everything in that house (it was all mine anyways and I didn't trust him or his friends to take care of it), I got my name off the lease, off all joint bills minus the car insurance and dropped his line off of my phone plan. Right now the only other things I can think of doing are going complete NC except for our Tuesday nights when we're supposed to get together and "work" on our relationship. And other than that I guess I could quit taking our dog to see him on Tuesdays (that might sound trivial - but we have no human children together and thus considered our dog (the dog I take care of, buy everything for, pay for everything for - always have since we got her 6 years ago). Do you have any other suggestions as to how else I can hold him accountable, please, I'm open to anything...

I really do like how you reminded me to trust actions, not words because you're right, all he has given me are words. From now on I plan to keep that in mind.

Also, as I replied to Nsweet - I am now working on telling myself that while I do love him and I do want to be with him, I do not *need* him.

Thank you again for your advice and input and more for your kind words. 

After our meeting tonight I plan to post an update tommorrow.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> By Eternal Embrace
> I am now working on telling myself that while I do love him and I do want to be with him, I do not need him.
> 
> Do you have any other suggestions as to how else I can hold him accountable, please, I'm open to anything...


Yes, I do have another suggestion. Write the letter that is reprinted below in blue and get strong enough to not need him in order to have a good life.

I am reprinting below just a few pages of the book that I recommend for you.


*Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis 
By: Dr. James Dobson
Tyndale House / 2007 / Paperback*

Responses to an Unraveling Marriage
When a marriage unravels, one partner is less concerned about the prospect of divorce while the other is terrified by it.
by James Dobson, Ph.D.


The Reality
The standard approach to marriage counseling is to teach husbands and wives how to revitalize unhealthy relationships and help them work through their conflicts. *Unfortunately, such advice assumes that both parties are equally motivated to work on their problems. That is rarely the case.*

Typically, when a marriage is unraveling, there is one partner who is less concerned about the prospect of divorce, while the other is terrified by it. At its worse, as in cases of infidelity, the drifting member often has little desire to engage in counseling, except perhaps as a pretense to lessen guilt or criticism. He or she may have decided already that the relationship is over.
It has been my observation that the way the committed partner responds at that vital juncture will determine whether the marriage will survive or succumb. I'll explain why in a moment.


The Pain of Rejection
Only those who have been rejected by a beloved spouse can fully comprehend the tidal wave of pain that crashes into one's life when a relationship ends. Nothing else matters. There are no consoling thoughts. The future is without interest or hope. Emotions swing wildly from despair to acceptance and back again.


Nothing in human experience can compare with the agony of knowing that the person to whom you pledged eternal devotion has betrayed your trust and is now involved in sexual intimacies with a "stranger". . . a competitor . . . a more beautiful or handsome playmate. Death itself would be easier to tolerate than being tossed aside like an old shoe. 


If one word must be selected to describe the entire experience, it would be something equivalent to panic. Just as a drowning person exhausts himself or herself in a desperate attempt to grasp anything that floats, a rejected partner typically tries to grab and hold the one who is leaving. This panic then leads to appeasement, which destroys what is left of the marriage. 


What Went Wrong?
Let's look for a moment at the other half of the relationship — focusing on the individual who wants out of the marriage. What secrets lie deep within the mind of the woman who has an affair with her boss, or the man who chases the office flirt? Surprising to some, the desire for sex is not the primary motivator in such situations. Something much more basic is operating below the surface. 

Long before any decision is made to "fool around" or walk out on a partner, a fundamental change has begun to occur in the relationship. Many books on this subject lay the blame on the failure to communicate, but I disagree. The inability to talk to one another is a symptom of a deeper problem, but it is not the cause itself.

*The critical element is the way a husband or wife begins to devalue the other and their lives together*. It is a subtle thing at first, often occurring without either partner being aware of the slippage. But as time passes, one individual begins to feel trapped in a relationship with someone he or she no longer respects. 

Now we begin to see why groveling, crying and pleading by a panic-stricken partner tend to drive the claustrophobic partner even farther away. The more he or she struggles to gain a measure of freedom (or even secure a little breathing room), the more desperately the rejected spouse attempts to hang on.


Let the Trapped Partner Out
*Hope for dying marriages is likely to be found in the reconstruction of respect between warring husbands and wives.* 


Opening the Cage Door
Perhaps it is now apparent where the present line of reasoning is leading us. If there is hope for dying marriages, and I certainly believe there is, then it is likely to be found in the reconstruction of respect between warring husbands and wives. That requires the vulnerable spouse to open the cage door and let the trapped partner out! All the techniques of containment must end immediately, including manipulative grief, anger, guilt and appeasement. Begging, pleading, crying, hand-wringing and playing the role of the doormat are equally destructive.
There may be a time and place for strong feelings to be expressed, and there may be an occasion for quiet tolerance. But these responses must not be used as persuasive devices to hold the drifting partner against his or her will. 
Groveling techniques increase the depth of disrespect by the escaping spouse.


The Right Message
If begging and pleading are ineffective methods of attracting a member of the opposite sex during the dating days, why do victims of bad marriages use the same groveling techniques to hold a drifting spouse? They only increase the depth of disrespect by the one who is escaping. Instead, they should convey their own version of the following message when the time is right:


"John ( insert name of husband) , I've been through some very tough moments since you decided to leave, as you know. My love for you is so profound that I just couldn't face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me, who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, it is a severe shock to see our relationship begin to unravel. Nevertheless, I have done some intense soul-searching, and I now realize that I have been attempting to hold you against your will. That simply can't be done.

As I reflect on our courtship and early years together, I'm reminded that you married me of your own free choice. I did not blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe. It was a decision you made without pressure from me. Now you are doing things that say that you want out of the marriage, and obviously, I have to let you go. I'm aware that I can no more force you to stay today than I could have made you marry me. You are free to go. If you never call me again, then I will accept your decision.

I admit that this entire experience has been painful,* but I'm going to make it. God has been with me thus far and He'll go with me in the future.* You and I had some wonderful times together. You were my first real love and I'll never forget the memories that we shared. I will pray for you and trust that God will guide you in the years ahead."

Setting Your Spouse Free
Slowly, unbelievably, the trapped spouse witnesses the cage door vibrate just a bit, and then start to rise. He can't believe it. This person to whom he has felt bound hand and foot for years has now set him free! It isn't necessary to fight off her advances — her grasping hands — any more. 

"But there must be a catch," he thinks. "It's too good to be true. Talk is cheap. This is just another trick to win me back. In a week or two she'll be crying on the phone again, begging me to come home. She's really weak, you know, and she'll crack under pressure." 

It is my strongest recommendation that you, the rejected person, prove your partner wrong in this expectation. Let him marvel at your self-control in coming weeks. Only the passage of time will convince him that you are serious — that he is actually free. He may even test you during this period by expressions of great hostility or insult, or by flirtation with others. But one thing is certain: He will be watching for signs of weakness or strength. The vestiges of respect hang in the balance.


Eternal Embrace

*I admire you!*
You have taken a very strong stance by separating and that takes courage. You have remained faithful to your husband for 7 years even though he has hurt you. You have bent over backwards trying to please your husband and you take by bluntness and ask for more information as to how you can help your husband be more accountable. That is a lot to admire in a woman that has been hit so hard and has been weakened.

One last thing, you know that you committed one of the biggest marriage killers of all time 7 years ago. You have shown the last 7 years that you are truly remorseful and have improved. That adultery 7 years ago IS NOT THE ISSUE NOW!!!

You are a good woman that has been forgiven by God. You husband and you need not try and use a forgiven act as an excuse to allow these current actions that are marriage and love killers. *God has forgiven you NOW IT IS TIME FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND TO FORGIVE AND GET WITH THE CURRENT ISSUES.*

I hope that your husband grows up and sees that you are the one he married and you are the one that is worthy of his love, not some other woman that is so selfish that she is flirting with a married man.

Your husband is dead wrong and is in desperate need of accountability and showing some respect. He may or may not change his free will mind. *In either case it is very important that you get stronger body, mind, and spirit so that you can be strong enough to not need him to go on and have a good life.*


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> Yes, I do have another suggestion. Write the letter that is reprinted below in blue and get strong enough to not need him in order to have a good life.
> 
> Eternal Embrace
> 
> ...


Mr Blunt,

Thank you again for all of the information - it is and will continue to be so extremely useful and most of all it makes perfect sense even thou those thoughts and actions would have never dawned on me.

I do plan on purchasing that book ASAP as what little you posted to me has me intrigued.

Most of all, thank you for your kind words - I have been mentally beaten down a great deal and to read those words from a perfect stranger really means so much to me.

I did take that letter and rewrite it to my wording while keeping the same message and integrity to it. After reading it in your posting it really hit home for me. I did give it to my husband last night and asked that he read it after I left so he could reflect on it's message on his own.

Once again - thank you so much for everything, and please continue to provide your input/advice along the way as I contiue to post!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

So last night me and the husband met for our weekly Tuesday night get together to "work on things".

After reading Mr Blunt's last post to me what he posted really made a lot of sense. While I admit his suggestions did have me slightly worried that was only because a small part of my mind was/maybe still is wanting to compromise with my husband in an effort to keep him close to me. Don't worry thou - the realistic mind (don't know a better way to put it right now) majority won out and kicked the small compromising mind's butt!

Mr Blunt suggested I rewrite and give my husband a version of the following letter:

"John ( insert name of husband) , I've been through some very tough moments since you decided to leave, as you know. My love for you is so profound that I just couldn't face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me, who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, it is a severe shock to see our relationship begin to unravel. Nevertheless, I have done some intense soul-searching, and I now realize that I have been attempting to hold you against your will. That simply can't be done.

As I reflect on our courtship and early years together, I'm reminded that you married me of your own free choice. I did not blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe. It was a decision you made without pressure from me. Now you are doing things that say that you want out of the marriage, and obviously, I have to let you go. I'm aware that I can no more force you to stay today than I could have made you marry me. You are free to go. If you never call me again, then I will accept your decision.

I admit that this entire experience has been painful, but I'm going to make it. God has been with me thus far and He'll go with me in the future. You and I had some wonderful times together. You were my first real love and I'll never forget the memories that we shared. I will pray for you and trust that God will guide you in the years ahead."

As I said, my mind (and heart) was a bit concerned at first because my initial reaction was that in giving my husband that letter I would only push him away farther, and also as I said my rational mind won out... What exactly did I have to lose in giving my husband that letter? NOTHING!!!! I realized that in giving him that letter not only was I releasing him and giving him the space he requested but in giving him that letter I would also be empowering myself! I would be saying "this is it, I'm giving you want you want with no further qualms and in doing that I'm letting you know that I will no longer be your doormat, I do love you and want to be with you but know that I will be perfectly fine without you!" I do feel that giving him that letter was just another step in me taking my power back - another step towards becoming the woman I once was and am sure I can be again - with or without my husband - and that is a wonderful feeling!!!!! THANK YOU MR BLUNT!!!!!!!!!!

So... a quick (as quick as this novelist can make it!) recap of our meeting last night...

I had texted him earlier yesterday to make sure we were still on to which he replied yes and asked that I call him when I got home from work to figure what time to get together. When I got home from work I talked with my family about my day, had myself a small ****tail (as I am sometimes wont to do) to unwind, had dinner with my family and filled them in on the awesome advise I had been getting here - which they were really excited to hear and happy that other people were telling me what they, too believed. After dinner (about 6:30, I get home from work a little before 5:30) I then texted husband and asked if 7 would work. He said yes and asked if he should come over or if I would go to his (previously our) house - I told him I'd come over as my mother's very large and sweet dog has since taken it upon herself to want to attack my husband (please know this dog has NEVER EVER acted like this towards ANYONE EVER BEFORE and I know she's only doing so because dogs pick up on humans feelings and she feels she is protecting me from my husband, we DO NOT reinforce this behavior and are attempting to correct it). Anyways, I showed up about 5 after 7 and he wasn't home yet, his roomate let me in (my husband did insist I keep my keys to the house but I refuse to use them as I do not recognize that place as my home anymore) and I texted husband "7?" to which he called and said he was 1/2 a mile away heading to the house. I told him I was in his room waiting (they don't really have any furniture and his room only has a couch, no bed, so there I sat). I didn't even snoop thru anything as I would have previously done but I realized "you know what, I don't care, it's none of my business." He got there and commented on my new clothing - I did go on a major shopping spree this weekend and pretty much got myself the new wardrobe I'd been wanting forever but couldn't afford because my extra money had been spent bailing him out - but since those days are done I decided I'd reward myself. He asked if I'd like to accompany him and his roomate to dinner since he was hungry and broke and his roomate was fronting him money to eat (looks like somebody else is picking up the slack now, huh?). I told him yes and off we went. We pretty much made small talk. He was texting to someone a few times on the way in and out of the resteraunt but I paid no attention nor did I wait for him to finish - I just continued walking without him acting as if it/he wasn't worth my waiting. After their dinner we returned to his house and my huband and I went to his room to sit on the lone couch and proceeded with small talk. He asked about our dog who I didn't bring with me - I could tell he was upset about me not bringing her. He asked about what I'd been up to, I told him about work, my family, friends that were coming in from out of town and my shopping (shopping because he kept commenting on how much he liked everything I was wearing - I always thought looking good was a good revenge... petty maybe but I don't care cause I look and feel good!) another petty thing maybe but I did make a point of showing him the new ring I purchased to replace the spot my wedding ring had previously occupied (right now with how things are going and his whole EA I refuse to wear that ring as I feel it is not me and our marriage that he is dedicated to so why should I wear something that represents it? I don't think I should and honestly wearing it makes me feel like a joke) he really liked the ring but I'm pretty sure I saw some dissapointed in his eyes realizing that my wedding ring was no longer there. He told me some of friends had told him to tell me hello, I asked about said friends. He told me one of his friends is planning on coming in from out of town for a big Halloween thing (mixer, horror movie showing & zombie walk) at the end of the month - he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to go but when I said that it sounded like something fun he asked if I wanted to go with him - I told him I'd think about it. We continued on with small talk, I'll admit I did slightly make a point of checking the time on my phone periodically and just before 8:30 I told his I was leaving. He _seemed_ suprised that I was leaving so early and stood up kinda blocking my way out of the room hovering around me, I made my way around him and walked out of the house to my car and he followed me the whole way. Once I got to my car he asked if he could hug me and I told him yes. He embraced me in a long and tight hug, I commented that he smelled good (I did always love his aftershave) and he told me he made sure to shave today. I let go of the hug before he did. I told him I'd get in contect with him next Tuesday to arrange a time to meet up to which he replied he would contact me this Friday to get me money he owes me (he's on a monthly payment plan with me to pay back all his debt to me) and promised he would not forget to do so. After that I just said bye, got in my car and left. I should point out that I gave him the letter when he first got there, he asked then if he could read it - I told him later, when we got back from dinner he asked again if he could read it - I told him he'd have to deal with the anticipation and read it later.

So that was the night. I knew my explination wouldn't be quick! Sorry - just trying to get everything in there!

I'll add that yesterday I did print out a lot of info on EA's, what they are, how to recognize them and how to deal/recover with/from them. I plan on giving this info to him at next week's meeting and request that he read very careful over the info (he is in COMPLETE denial that what he has with the OW is an EA) between next weeks meeting and the following weeks meeting. My plan for Tuesday after next is to lay it on the table - tell him that besides our other problems the EA has to end and if he can not end it then I am done and want a divorce. I don't think that's unfair. I don't think I should be expected to live in the shadow of another woman and I believe that if he truely did/does love me then telling him he needs to end the EA or our marriage is over is in no way askig too much.

So there you have it! Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Do you think me giving him the ultimatum is too much too soon? Anything?


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

So, oddly enough he called me twice last night...

Since we seperated 3 weeks ago he'd only called me a total of 3 times before... wonder if that letter had anything to do with it.

Oh - and no, I did not answer either time - nor did he leave a message...


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

*Re: Seperated and seeking unbiased, helpful advice, attempting 180*

So, it's been an eventful past few days...

Found out Thursday afternoon that H and posOW took a day trip out of town the past Sunday.

After that I did some digging and found out that posOW and her boyfriend broke up last Tuesday (wonder why???!!!) - the funny thing is that posOW's boyfriend is her and H's manager at work, how that must be akward!!!

So upon these revelations I wrote H another letter saying I would no longer tolerate his behavior, that as of the letter he would no longer see or hear from me except for convos about our joint financial matters. Told him he wouldn't see our dog again either (hey, we have no kids - our dog is our kid). Also stated that if his and posOW's relationship remained as is then he would leave me no choice other than to file for divorce next year (in our state you have to wait and year and a day). I also included a print out of "Mid Life Crisis for Dummies" and an info printout detailing EA's and PA's and the effects they have on a marriage.

I was all proud of myself and gave him the letter Saturday evening and what do I go do??? I get _slightly_ intoxicated that night and decide it's an awesome idea to text him at 2:30 in the morning!!!!
I texted him sweet dreams, tell posOW goodnight for me and to give her hugs and kisses for me!!!
He replied with "No, but I'm not gonna answer sh!tty a$$ texts. You can think whatever you want. Good night."
Did I stop there??? NO!!!! I replied with "Whatevs. Just remember it's still adultery till xx/xx/xx" -the date we can file for divorce.

Jeez!!!! What was I thinking???? I was totally going for the 180 and instead ended up with my foot in my mouth!!!:scratchhead:

So as of yesterday the proud feeling is gone. I of course haven't heard from him at all and I feel like emotional poo! I miss him so much and want to contact him but after my drunken texting have decided to start over with the 180 and go TOTAL NC (except concerning finances) and from now on if I decide to once again get hammered I'm gonna make sure I have a friend hide my phone...


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Don't beat yourself up, girl. We all fall short, sometimes.

Learn from it, and do better.

Alcohol and cell phones don't mix well, by the way.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> Don't beat yourself up, girl. We all fall short, sometimes.
> 
> Learn from it, and do better.
> 
> Alcohol and cell phones don't mix well, by the way.


Thank you! That's what I'm trying to do - learn and do better!:smthumbup:

And thanks for the cell phone advice, too! Next time me and Jose Cuervo get together my cell phone is soooo not invited!!!


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Thank you! That's what I'm trying to do - learn and do better!:smthumbup:
> 
> And thanks for the cell phone advice, too! Next time me and Jose Cuervo get together my cell phone is soooo not invited!!!


LOL!

I did the same thing, right after STBXH left me. I got trashed (thinking it would make me forget about the BS) and sent him, like, 15 text messages in the span of an hour. 

Epic fail.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> LOL!
> 
> I did the same thing, right after STBXH left me. I got trashed (thinking it would make me forget about the BS) and sent him, like, 15 text messages in the span of an hour.
> 
> Epic fail.


I feel ya!

One thing thou - and I know it may not be good - but after sending those messages I did fall asleep with a sh!t eating grin on my face!


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Were you still grinning the next morning?


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> Were you still grinning the next morning?


Unfortunately, no...


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

After feeling all bummed the last 2 days my anger is starting to return...

Sons of Anarchy is my fav tv show... there's an episode (Season 3, Episode 1 "SO") and at the 50:19 mark the main character Jax totally curbstomps this guy who had just pulled a drive by at the wake for a memeber of the MC - I've watched these 50 seconds REPEATEDLY, on and off, for the last few days - does that make me a bad person wishing I could do this (and not be totally locked up for it) to my H and the posOW??? I choose to think not!!!:rofl:


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> After feeling all bummed the last 2 days my anger is starting to return...
> 
> Sons of Anarchy is my fav tv show... there's an episode (Season 3, Episode 1 "SO") and at the 50:19 mark the main character Jax totally curbstomps this guy who had just pulled a drive by at the wake for a memeber of the MC - I've watched these 50 seconds REPEATEDLY, on and off, for the last few days - does that make me a bad person wishing I could do this (and not be totally locked up for it) to my H and the OW??? I choose to think not!!!:rofl:


Hahahahahahaha! 

I would do it to STBXH's OW, but her teeth are already bad enough.

:rofl:


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Well done you are doing brilliantly and being so strong. Don't worry about the drunken Txts. Just put it behind you and move on. You have been given so great advice from Nsweet and Mr Blunt. You are doing everything you possibly can. Just stay strong.
Sending you a virtual hug x

Ps the 'tough love' approach eventually snapped my H out of his A fog. We are now 7 months into a very successful reconciliation. If its meant to be then it will be!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Well done you are doing brilliantly and being so strong. Don't worry about the drunken Txts. Just put it behind you and move on. You have been given so great advice from Nsweet and Mr Blunt. You are doing everything you possibly can. Just stay strong.
> Sending you a virtual hug x
> 
> Ps the 'tough love' approach eventually snapped my H out of his A fog. We are now 7 months into a very successful reconciliation. If its meant to be then it will be!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


daisygirl - thank you sooo much for your kind words and support!!! And the hugs - I def need those right now!!!:smthumbup:

I'm doing all I can to stay strong but sometimes it's just really hard...

I'm so happy for you that things worked out between you and your husbdand!!! Half the time I'm hoping things do work out and the other half, like right now, I'm not sure they ever will. If you don't mind me asking - how bad did things get with the A between you and your husband? I mean, did you always know there was hope for you two?:scratchhead:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, the anger is set to stick around today...

This morning before I left for work I got word that my H's car was parked at a house in the front of the neighborhood I now live in.

Well, I knew at one time his posOW lived in the neighborhood but was not sure if she still did...

So I took it upon myself to drive down the street I was told my H's car was at... well, needless to say the posOW does still live in the neighborhood and that was exactly where H's car was parked!!! (I don't think I could insert enough angry faces to properly portray my rage right now!!!!)

Well, I have been trying to give my H the key back to what was once our home (it is now soley his) - I got out of my car and stuck said key to his windsheild with a peice of gum I was chewing (hey, I forgot tape!!!) on his car right in the line of sight of the driver so he would not miss it.

I then texted him when I got to work saying I needed the key he has to my mother's house (which I've been asking him for but he keeps forgetting - not worried about him breaking in to her house or nothing, I honestly don't think he would and if he did the 85lb. Doberman behind her door that hates him would take him out), the remote for my surround sound (that he also keeps forgetting) and the remaining balance on his monthly debt payment to me this evening. I don't consider this breaking the NC because I did tell him that the only contact I would have with him would be concerning our joint financial matters - however, sticking the gummed up key to his windshield is probably another matter - but I just couldn't help myself!!!! 

My question is - what makes men so freaking stupid!!!?????

I feel as if this just another slap in my face!!! As I said, I'm really raging right now, but I am trying to calm myself telling myself that neither H or the posOW are worth it and I keep repeating angelpixie's signature to myself "pain is inevitable - suffering is optional..." I just hope those words help me make it thru the day without doing something stupid like letting him get the better of me!


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Eternal,
Things got pretty bad. My H had an EA with a co worker. We had a false R, he moved out, then I discovered it was still going on. The A also became physical for a short time.
I always knew that there was hope for us. Even on my darkest days. I went through hell, started moving on without him, but never gave up hope.
The A was so out of character for my H. We had been married 17 years and I'd never seem him so much look at another woman. I knew that he wasn't happy and he knew what he was doing was wrong. It took me a long time to start letting him go and to start implementing my own version of the 180 but eventually it worked. When he realised I was moving on without him and was beginning to enjoy my life again he eventually snapped out of his A fog and finnished it.

I also believe my H had some sort of mini breakdown or MLC.

All or situations are different, but I'm sure the pain feels the same. It's a terrible time. You sound very strong and are doing all the right things.
I never gave up hope, but I also made it clear that I wouldn't be waiting around for him forever. 

Good luck xx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Eternal,
> Things got pretty bad. My H had an EA with a co worker. We had a false R, he moved out, then I discovered it was still going on. The A also became physical for a short time.
> I always knew that there was hope for us. Even on my darkest days. I went through hell, started moving on without him, but never gave up hope.
> The A was so out of character for my H. We had been married 17 years and I'd never seem him so much look at another woman. I knew that he wasn't happy and he knew what he was doing was wrong. It took me a long time to start letting him go and to start implementing my own version of the 180 but eventually it worked. When he realised I was moving on without him and was beginning to enjoy my life again he eventually snapped out of his A fog and finnished it.
> ...


Thank you again, daisygirl!

Your H sounds kinda like mine in that the A was with a co-worker, the never looking at another woman before and the MLC part too. 

I think a lot of the problems my H has he misdirects the blame on to me. He's not as successful as he hoped to be by this time in his life while I am. I never rubbed my sucess in his face and have always been there to support him and do anything I could to help him but I still think he resents me for it.

I'm trying not to give up hope - I sooooo do not want to give up hope for I love this man so dearly - but at the same time the things he is currently doing just break my heart again and again. So I am trying to be strong and am trying to figure out how best to move on.

You know, I always told everyone that I considered my H to be the best human being in the world. The most selfless, caring, generous person that I knew and that because of this it made me want to be a better person in life, too. Then all this happened - I feel like a fool because as you have probably expierenced - it's as if my reality and perception of life have been shattered.

I will continue to fight the good fight thou! If not for our marriage - then for myself!!!!:smthumbup:


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Well, I have been trying to give my H the key back to what was once our home (it is now soley his) - I got out of my car and stuck said key to his windsheild with a peice of gum I was chewing (hey, I forgot tape!!!) on his car right in the line of sight of the driver so he would not miss it.



:rofl:

_*In my best Carrie Underwood voice*_
*"Maybe next time he'll think, before he cheats."*


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi EE sorry you are here but welcome to the club. It sounds like the EA is now a full blown PA and i wouldnt be surprised if it has been a PA for sometime now. I admire your courage and sticking to your guns so to speak, I would also use this time to take care of yourself maybe start exercising or working out developing other new hobbies reconnecting with old friends of the same sex and or meeting new friends. The bright side is that you no longer have to support him which should be a relief a good healthy relationship tends to be balanced between both partners give and take it sounds as if out of guilt you have been giving giving all you can stand and he has been taking this is truly a lopsided marriage and to correct it would require both partners wanting to reach a common goal and both working towards that goal. It looks and sounds like you are doing all the lifting in my opinion I feel that life is to short to put up with unacceptable behavior from anyone. Their are plenty of other decent folks out their to have a relationship with if this does not work out and ps no more drunk dailing or texting lol 


Good Luck


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> _*In my best Carrie Underwood voice*_
> *"Maybe next time he'll think, before he cheats."*


:rofl:

Haha!!! Good one!!!

And thanks for inadvertantly reminding me to get that song off iTunes so I can add it to my "Vent" playlist!!!!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> Hi EE sorry you are here but welcome to the club. It sounds like the EA is now a full blown PA and i wouldnt be surprised if it has been a PA for sometime now. I admire your courage and sticking to your guns so to speak, I would also use this time to take care of yourself maybe start exercising or working out developing other new hobbies reconnecting with old friends of the same sex and or meeting new friends. The bright side is that you no longer have to support him which should be a relief a good healthy relationship tends to be balanced between both partners give and take it sounds as if out of guilt you have been giving giving all you can stand and he has been taking this is truly a lopsided marriage and to correct it would require both partners wanting to reach a common goal and both working towards that goal. It looks and sounds like you are doing all the lifting in my opinion I feel that life is to short to put up with unacceptable behavior from anyone. Their are plenty of other decent folks out their to have a relationship with if this does not work out and ps no more drunk dailing or texting lol
> 
> 
> Good Luck


In The Wind - thank you, too, for your support and encouragment.

In reading your post you seem to have gotten the exact idea of what my marriage was.

I am working on reconnecting with old friends and in time I'm sure I'll make new.

I do plan on starting to excersise more - right now there's not much of a point other than toning I guess since all the stress caused by this situation has caused me to lose about 10 pounds last time I checked... don't know if that's a good or bad thing but I choose to take it as a good thing!:smthumbup:

I also want to get back into old hobbies such as writing - I used to love to write and was pretty good at it...

I will say, not having to worry about supporting him is a HUGE weight off my shoulders - so huge I took myself on a shopping spree weekend before last and got myself and entire totally hot looking new wardrobe - so that felt really good - as does H's reaction whenever he sees me in said hot new wardrobe!!! Yeah - see what you're missing H!!!!!!:rofl:

H does still owe me a good chunk of change for all the times I fronted him money to get his butt out of situations - ie broke down car... He says he's not gonna screw me outta that $ but based on his recent actions I can't believe a word that comes from his mouth... guess I can always get it back in a divorce settlement? If not I guess it's not too high a price to pay to be rid of some lying scumbag, right???

And trust me - I will be taking evryone's advice on ditching my cell phone the next time I decide to imbide - you don't have to worry about that one!!!! Hahaha!!!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Oh... and just so you know - H has yet to contact me after my text this morning requesting key, remote and my $... suprised? No!!!!


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

EE sometimes its just best to say good riddance and move on, your right the best way to tell if they are lying is if their mouth is moving. your situation sounds similar to mine except my ex wife was yr husband anyway we got divorced and with in a few years i remarried We celebrated 12 yrs of marriage this past summer, i am so happy that i pulled the trigger on my first marriage cant say i dont miss the drama as well. 

the best revenge is a well lived life so if thats the decision you make is to D then i would suggest using this experience as a learning experience and move on I tell my friends what used to take 10 hits on the head with a brick now only takes 3 if that makes sense and again 

Good Luck


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> EE sometimes its just best to say good riddance and move on, your right the best way to tell if they are lying is if their mouth is moving. your situation sounds similar to mine except my ex wife was yr husband anyway we got divorced and with in a few years i remarried We celebrated 12 yrs of marriage this past summer, i am so happy that i pulled the trigger on my first marriage cant say i dont miss the drama as well.
> 
> the best revenge is a well lived life so if thats the decision you make is to D then i would suggest using this experience as a learning experience and move on I tell my friends what used to take 10 hits on the head with a brick now only takes 3 if that makes sense and again
> 
> Good Luck


In The Wind,

I will admit that there is a teeny tiny part of me that is hoping for a R but my mind is telling my heart "look at what this dude keeps on doing to you - this isn't love and if it is than it's not the love you want or deserve!!!!" Then said mind hits said heart a bunch of times - maybe 10 and with a brick!!! Haha!!

I am stoked to hear of people telling me about actually having an R after an A but I am just as stoked to hear stories like yours where you went thru crud in your 1st marriage only to come out much better with your 2nd marriage!!! Congrats to you!!!


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Qupte of Eternal Embrase
I will continue to fight the good fight thou! If not for our marriage - then for myself!!!! 

I also want to get back into old hobbies such as writing - I used to love to write and was pretty good at it...



*VERY VERY good EE!*

Your mind and heart are going to battle like a tiger vs a lion. The battles will be brutal and could be especially hard if he has a bit of remorse and gets sentimental on you. Don’t cave in; but hold him to full accountability actions for a good length of time.

Your knees will tremble, your heart will ache, but he must be completly broken and humble and prove his change with lots of actions for a long time. You husband is like a heroin addict; he is driven with his selfishness to get his fix and rational talking will not change him. Consequences and him truly addressing his issues is the biggest part. He is a dishonest, selfish person that is acting like a man with no integrity or character. Until he fully realizes that and accepts it, then takes ACTIONS to change, he is hopeless.

Back to you EE
The only thing that you have any control over is your decision to get better and to take the actions to get better. You have mentioned your old hobbies, EXCELLENT!!! Now make sure you get your little butt in gear and DO IT!!

*You will need to fill your body, mind, and spirit with positive things that will prevent you from thinking about your husband.* You have taken a BOLD step and have given him a possible boost to help him stop his betrayal adultery and other selfish acts. If he ever gets his head out of his AZZ he will realize that your actions are leaning him in the area of accountability and respect. Those two things MUST be present in order to have a successful relationship or have self respect for yourself.

*I told you in an earlier post to build yourself up body, mind, and spirit and you have started to do that. This is absolute vital! If you do not do that you will eventually crumble and compromise and never reach the kind of life that you want.* It I still possible that he will really change from the inside out but that CANNOT become your focus. You must keep improving yourself because that is what will make you better with or without reconciliation. Your husband has dug himself a huge hole and it will be very difficult for him to get completely out.

There are better shoulders to lean on than on Jose Cuervo’s shoulders. He is a very nice instant relief but somehow Jose just brings a little bit of shame after the relief. Tell José that he did come in handy for the moment but that you have some issues to deal with that he is not cut out to handle. Give him a pat on his fanny and send him on his way

EE I am going to give you the nickname of Ms Rocky. I want you to get your butt up after you get knocked down and come out a winner. You have taken several steps just like a winner and I want to congradulate you.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> *VERY VERY good EE!*
> 
> Your mind and heart are going to battle like a tiger vs a lion. The battles will be brutal and could be especially hard if he has a bit of remorse and gets sentimental on you. Don’t cave in; but hold him to full accountability actions for a good length of time.
> 
> ...


Ahhh, Mr Blunt! What a welcome sight to my thread this morning! Your post has definately made me smile - thank you!!! I was hoping you might be checking in!

You are right about my heart and mind battling - my heart whispers in one ear all the good memories and the few sweet things H did before I went NC (NC not counting my drunken text slip up...) and my heart tells me that maybe it wasn't _that_ bad and I'm just overreacting and throwing everything away but just as quickly and right thankfully, too - my mind comes back with a "_wtf! b!tch, please!!!!_ Quit kidding yourself, you know what it's come to and never should you let anyone treat you that way! Suck it up!!!" So, I'd have to say I'ma bigger fan of my mind right now than I am my heart!!

And do not fret! This girl *will not* fold so easily - I will not fold at all!!! While I admit I am holding out a hope for R, however small it may be - but for that R to even possibly come about my H will have to prove consistantly and constantly for a very great period of time that he is a changed man. Without that change there is nothing to work on and no hope for a future for us together.

I continue to work on rebuilding myself and am learning to accept that I have no control over what he does with himself. I have no control over his actions, intentions, thoughts or feelings - nor are they any of my concern now. My concern now is solely on myself and the actions _I_ need to take to crawl myself out of this hole and emerge as the best person I know I can be for _myself_!

And thank you for your concern with Jose, I do apprecaite it as I do _all_ of your advise. While I admit I do like to have a couple weekend ****tails that night I let H and my heart get the better of myself and my judgement (please no that I am passing no blame - what I did was on me and I own that) and imbided too much. And you're right, along with the hangover it left only left me with shame all too soon after the relief faded. Please do not worry - I promise Jose is not and will not be a crutch. I have learnt my lesson and I now move on.

And thank you so much for that totally awesome nickname!!!! I love it!!! It truely brings a smile to my face... and thank you for the congrats as well!!! Rest assured I *refuse* to let H and his actions to bring me down any further for right now the only way left for me to go is up!!!!

EE
aka "Ms Rocky"


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

So little update as to last night...

As you know after yesterday mornings key incident I texted H that I needed the $ and a couple of my other things from him and would like them that evening.

All day I never heard a peep from H... I did however see him traveling south with one of his friends on my way home from work... the look on his face seemed to be one of shock as he took in the scene of me driving north, music blaring (Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" - thanks, again, SCSweety81!!!:smthumbup on repeat and me singing along with the lyrics at the top of my lungs!!!! Note: I did not look directly at him - this was thru my peripheral vision but still I swear I saw a mixed look of shock and horror - but then again, that could just be me...

I then texted H once I got home saying that I'd appreciate it if he could drop the requested off before 10pm...

Well, of course, and totally NOT to my shock mind you, he never contacted me or dropped the stuff off!

See, I know my H _thinks_ knows me better than anyone and therefore I know he _thinks_ he knows how to push my buttons (Oh silly H, those days are sooooo over!!! I am working on becoming a brand new and even better chick!!!) so I'm sure his lack of response and blatant disregard of my request was an attempt to p!ss me off and not to mention I assume that he might still be a little butt hurt over my drunken texts and maybe the key display, too...

But alas, and I was soooo uber proud of myself, I did not fall back - I did not regress!!! The old me would have blown up his phone with angry vicious texts demanding he get his sorry butt in gear, and admittedly there of course would have been many profanities accompanying those texts but last night - nope!!!! 

I simply said to myself directed at H: "Well played sir, well played. But you have another thing coming... or not coming should I say!" 

I refuse to give into that past behavior (and on that note I should also point out that instead of simply leaving my key on his car as I did yesterday morning - my old self totally would have pulled a Carrie Underwood on his car and probably posOW's as well... hey, I told you I used to be a wild child and I meant that in every sense of the phrase but also realize that phase was over 10 years ago). H, posOW and the whole situation is soooo not worth getting myself worked up over!!! Instead what I experienced was a new feeling... a calm feeling - now make no mistake, that clam was laced with anger - but only slightly as if that anger was like an undercurrent. It was almost like the feeling you get, you know, the proverbial "calm before the storm," but no storm ever came for I did not let it!!!

I realize, slowly, I am beginning to experience a sense of peace. Oh, I do not fool myself thou, I know my emotions will continue to run the gamut for some time to come but how I react to those emotions will contribute towards defining who I am and who I am becoming.

I'm not *that* girl anymore... I am changing. The dogs days are over!!!!


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> So little update as to last night...
> 
> As you know after yesterday mornings key incident I texted H that I needed the $ and a couple of my other things from him and would like them that evening.
> 
> ...


So little of how we "feel" has to do with how they act.

We can choose to give them power over our emotions or not.

Pretty liberating when you figure it out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Good for you, chick!

It's empowering to feel proud of yourself!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, on leaving to work this morning I once again saw H's car parked outseide posOW's house... jeez it sucks when the rat-b!tch lives in the front of my neighborhood!!!

Kinda pi$$ed, but not suprised. You know, you get that agrivating twinge in the pit of your stomach (and no, I'm not talking about gas!). Well, instead of getting more angry I've decided to do a few things today...

At lunch I'm gonna try and calls posOW's X that she broke up with last week and see what insight he has on the situation - that is all dependant on if I can get ahold of him.

After that I'm totally changing the iTunes password for my account, see we shared an account that is in my name. Last week I changed it only so H wouldn't make anymore purchases, he hadn't done so since I left, but, you know, JIC. Little did I know in changing the password it not only didn't allow him to make purchases but it locked him out of every app and update on his iPhone making the phone pretty much useless other than for making calls! Well, H started texting, whining about not being abale to use it and blah, blah, blah... well, I was dumb and felt bad so I gave him new password.

I don't consider changing the password again to be spiteful. As Mr Blunt recommended - H needs to have consequences and I consider this one of them. A girlfriend of mine recommend a good password - one that if I had to give to H he would totally get the point on how I feel about him... use your imagaination, I'm sure you might be able to figure it out - hint: it consists of him preforming a sexual act upon himself, plus a few #'s and characters...:smthumbup:


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

I love the password idea! Do it. 

Do you know the OW?


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> Do you know the OW?


I don't know her personally but I do know who she is.

She works w/ H. posOW's XBF is also their manager.


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> I don't know her personally but I do know who she is.
> 
> She works w/ H. OW's XBF is also their manager.


And H still works there??

OW's XBF must be a dumbass.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Talked to posOW's XBF...

It was so nice to talk to someone direrctly related to the situation who could confirm that my suspicions were not crazy or unfounded.

He said he's felt the same way as I have concerning H & posOW's relationship and had even confronted posOW about it while he was still dating her. Interestingly enough posOW broke up with her BF a week after I moved out of my and H's home.

posOW's XBF also said that many of the people he works with and his friends have had the same suspicions as the both of us had.

Like me he doesn't think/hopes it hasn't become a PA (neither of us have caught anyone in the act as all both of has is a lot of circumstantial evidence) but he does agree with me that it is def an EA and that is not fair to either one of us.

posOW's XBF said he plans on confronting my H tonight (since he and H were/are supposed to be friends). Said that even if my H doesn't admit it at least the XBF will at least feel better being able to speak his piece and let H know how messed up it is for a friend to do that to another friend. XBF said he'll get up with me after he talks with H if he hears anything new.. XBF also said he was going to talk to posOW about it too but I could care less what she has to say and XBF said posOW would most likely lie about anything and do what she could cover her tracks.

You know, I was honestly hoping that maybe H and I could find a way to get thru all this sh!t eventually. That afert time we could both learn from our mistakes, move on, R and we could both grow together stronger but I fear after contacting XBF my H will never speak to me again and all hopes of any possible R are out the window...

Hey, even Rocky had his bad days...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Fear isn't the way to go.

It's not the slightest bit attractive.


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> You know, I was honestly hoping that maybe H and I could find a way to get thru all this sh!t eventually. That afert time we could both learn from our mistakes, move on, R and we could both grow together stronger but I fear after contacting XBF my H will never speak to me again and all hopes of any possible R are out the window...
> 
> Hey, even Rocky had his bad days...


It's comforting to know I'm not the only one that still holds on to the hope of R, sometimes. 

I can't wait to get to the stage where I LOL at the mere mention of R.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

>>after contacting XBF my H will never speak to me again<<

It's more likely he will start to respect you.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Fear isn't the way to go.
> 
> It's not the slightest bit attractive.


I know. And trust me, when/if he talks/sees me I will pull up my big girl britches and not show one ounce of that fear to him. I reserve that display for TAM and TAM alone. I will not engage in a fight. All answers will be kept as short and to the point as possible. I will do my best to show absolutely no emtion.

I've actually been reading Spun's thread (I'm currrently in the middle of it) and have noticed a lot of your replies, Conrad and I really like the advise you give to Spun and have been implimenting it in my own situation. Exposing the A/contacting the posOW's XBF was an idea I got from you on that very thread.

And I will continue to stay that course - but I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> It's comforting to know I'm not the only one that still holds on to the hope of R, sometimes.
> 
> I can't wait to get to the stage where I LOL at the mere mention of R.


You and me both girlie!!!:smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> >>after contacting XBF my H will never speak to me again<<
> 
> It's more likely he will start to respect you.


That's what I'm hoping will happen!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

So only got a text late last night from posOW's XBF saying he learned nothing new and that he guesses it is what it is. He also thanked me for talking to him yesterday cause he really thought the thoughts he was having about my H's and posOW's behavior were XBF being crazy.

I texted XBF back this morning and asked if he talked to H, thanked him for talking to me and confirming I'm not crazy as well and told him if he ever needed someone to talk to about it he now has my #. It was early when I texted him so I didn't get a reply as he's probably still sleeping. Don't know if he will text back or not thou.

I really do feel bad for the XBF. I mean yeah, I might have to see H's car parked outside posOW's house from time to time but posOW's XBF works with both of them! He has to see that sh!t at least 4-5 days out of the week and for 3-12 hours at a time. Poor guy. At least I don't have to see it no where near as much. And whats worse is my H was supposed to be his friend whereas I was never friends with posOW so i had nothing to lose there.

So this moring I proceeded to change the Itunes password. For those of you that don't know, if you do not have the password it pretty much makes your iPhone a paper wieght. You can only make phone calls from it and texts. No email, no music, you can't use or update any apps you bought or any of the apps that came preloaded on the phone. So suck on that H! Hopefully his OW has an iTunes account he can mooch off of!!!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

So I guess all there is left for me to do is contact a lawyer to draw up a legal seperation agreement?

I really do want an R but I just don't know if that's going to happen.

Should I contact a lawyer just in case to draw up the agreement and protect myself in case this does go completely south?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

EE,

Point of order.

When you refer to her, she's "posOW", not simply OW.

We prefer truth in advertising in this forum.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> EE,
> 
> Point of order.
> 
> ...


My apologies. In no way did I mean to mislead anyone. I will refer to her as posOW from now on. 

What is the difference thou? I take posOW to mean "Possbile Other Woman." 

Is she still a posOW when I see her phone number reoccuring in his phone statements (ie 53 calls to her # in one weekend), or when they're spotted together frequently by other people and not just me, when I see his car parked in her driveway @ 7am and the hood is cool to the touch, when he has her pick him up from what was our house on the night I'm packing to move out? 

Please don't take my questions as rude - I'm just looking for clarification.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

piece of shix = pos


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> piece of shix = pos


OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!:rofl:

Well, that makes me feel *A LOT* better!!!!

Here I was thinking I had totally broken a major rule and offened people on the forum!!!! Silly, silly me!!!

Thank you for setting me straight!!!

If you notice, I did go back and edit all my threads, changed all mentions from OW to posOW...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Eternal Embrace said:


> OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!:rofl:
> 
> Well, that makes me feel *A LOT* better!!!!
> 
> ...


As you read here, you'll see posOW gets around.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> As you read here, you'll see posOW gets around.


The sad thing is, I have read and I have seen! I truely thought it always meant "Possible!"

Jeez my head is awful thick sometimes...:scratchhead:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Forgot to mention something I did last night before I went to bed...

Even after talking with posOW's XBF I was suprised I was still missing H and hurting that it's no longer me but the posOW that is his priority now...

Now, as some of you may know, I do a lot of reading, books, articles, this site and one thing I saw a few times mentioned in helping you get over STBXH/W was to get a journal, so that's just what I did. Actually I got it a couple weeks ago but had yet to open it.

Open it I did. I then proceeded to write a numbered list, numbering and expressing every way H has let me down, lied to me, every crappy thing he has done since we seperated. In a short time I had 35 items on that list - and not one was a repeat, trust me, I checked! 35 times H has been a d0uche and that's just in 29 days!!! I have yet to start chronicling all the lame sh!t from before I moved out!!!

In anticipation of the pages it would take to list said "lame sh!t" I then flipped about 30 pages forward in the journal and began to just write everything in my head. My thoughts about the day, my thoughts on the convo w/ posOW's XBF, the helpful comments and advise I get from you guys here, what I want to do with my life and how I plan on dealing with all this crud!

And I tell you, it felt good! Not only did I feel some weight lifted off my shoulders but I was relaxed enough (writing really is cathardic) that when I did put my pen down to go to sleep - I was out! 

I plan on trying to write a little bit in there each day. And I plan on adding to my "D0uchy things my H did/does" list as I see fit. I have a feeling that that list will help me in the time to come, not only to recognize and in some way hold H accountable for what he did/does but to also remind myself what a d0uche he is on those nights that I feel myself longing for him.

So yeah, a journal - I totally recommend it!!!!!


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> By Eternal Embrace
> 
> So I guess all there is left for me to do is contact a lawyer to draw up a legal seperation agreement?
> 
> ...



EE
You gave him the opportunity to choose and he did. You cannot allow him to crap on your self respect. *No relationship is worth having if there is no respect or trust. Your husband has violated both!*

GET A LAWYER AND DRAW UP THOSE LEGAL PAPERS

You will be helping yourself and maybe even him in a few ways:

1	You cannot allow him to disrespect you and violate the trusts that are absolutely essential for a relationship. Getting legal papers drawn up will show him that you are not a door mat and that if he is going to force the issue then you will give him his consequences that he has worked so hard for.

2	Legal papers DO NOT in any way prevent reconciliation in the future if both want it.

3	Your husband is under an emotional addiction and needs a hard jolt to give him a chance to get some of his integrity back

4	There is a saying in addiction and it goes something like this
When the pain of keeping the addition going is more than the pain of starting to get correct then there is hope. NOT allowing your self to be treated as a door mat will give you strength.

5	Your husband will learn to respect you one way or the other. He could have respected you because you are a good woman but now he will learn to respect you because your attorney and the laws will tell him what he has to do whether he likes it or not.

At this point he has forced you to stand up or be knocked down. He will find out that Ms. Rocky gets up after being knocked down and will not accept being defeated. Yes you are in great pain and bloody but up you came and now he will see that Ms Rocky will give him what he has forced you to do. Your husband is like Mr. T (Clubber lane—RockyIII) in that he has lost his good judgment and went wild attacking your marriage and you. Now he is starting to get exhausted and all you have to do is do the right thing and be patient until he runs out of steam. In the end you will win.

EE aka Ms. Rocky
You gave him the letter and the chance for him to regain respect and trust but he threw it into the sewer by going to the OW. You showed strength by opening your heart and offering him another chance. Now you will show him that you have self respect and that you can be trusted to NOT let him think that you are a door mat. 

I am going to reprint a few lines fro the Book Love Must Be Tough as I think it fits your situation:



> “let me say that there is nothing risky about treating oneself with greater respect, exhibiting confidence and poise, pulling backward, and releasing the door on the romantic trap. The positive benefits of that approach are often immediate and dramatic. Loving self-respect virtually never fails to have a salutary effect on a drifting lover, unless there is not the tiniest spark left to fan. Thus, in instances when opening the cage door results in a spouse's sudden departure, the relationship was in the coffin already. I'm reminded of the old proverb that says, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't come back, it never was yours in the first place." There is a great truth in that adage, and it applies to your relationship with your spouse.”


There maybe still some hope that your husband will have a change of heart and spirit and come back to you. Then It will be up to you to accept him or not. However, there is no hope without trust and respect.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> EE
> You gave him the opportunity to choose and he did. You cannot allow him to crap on your self respect. *No relationship is worth having if there is no respect or trust. Your husband has violated both!*
> 
> GET A LAWYER AND DRAW UP THOSE LEGAL PAPERS
> ...


Mr Blunt - you always seem to give me that reality check when I need it, thank you. If I am Ms. Rocky then you are def my Mickey!:smthumbup:

What you wrote is right. And the qotes from the book are as well. I did read it but I've been reading so many damn self help books lately I think my brain is turning to mush... maybe it's time to take a short break and let the brain absorb.

What hit me the most was the "if you love something set it free..." quote. To me that was the bottom line. If he wants to come back he will but in the meantime I need to suck it up and stand up for myself, damn it! 

I have looked into getting the seperation agreement, mainly because I'm afraid if we divorce he'll come after me for alimony. He said he wouldn't but he's made it more than obvious that I should not believe one word that comes from his mouth. 

So, it's gonna run me about $600 - that's something that will take me a little bit to save up for, but I think I can swing it in the few weeks as I have an extra payday in Novemeber. I could always put it on the CC but I'm trying really hard not to rack up anymore debt on that as it is.

Thanks again, Mikey, for telling me like it is. I haven't been a big fan of sugar coating for some time!


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

What's the latest, woman?

How did it go when he came over to return the things?


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Weekend update...

Took my mother out for an amazing dinner Friday night - figured the both of us deserve it!!!

Saw H on the road on our way to the restraunt and I did not look his way, my mom was cute thou and asked if I wanted her to give him the finger!!!:rofl: I told her I appreciated the thought but no, he wasn't worth it and asked her just to ignore him, too - which she did... gotta love your protective mama's!!!

Saturday morning I did text H and asked if he ever planned on getting $, key and remote to me. He replied that he did but he was still saving up enough $ to give to me but would drop key and remote off either right before he went to work or right after he got there. I asked that it be before as I had plans for the evening. H replied he was having to get his car fixed so he wasn't sure what time he would make it.

Well that turned into him not showing up, calling or texting at all. Am I surpised? No. Am I p!ssed? No. What am I you ask? Amused. I find the whole situation very comical as I only see it as him being chicken sh!t! He's proving to me what a coward he is that he can't even come and drop and damn key off!!! Seriously???!!!! Whatevs!!!!

As you can see, I did not let it ruin my night. I went out flounder giggin' with some guys I work with and had the best night in I don't even know how long! I can't even remember the last time I laughed so much, so long and so hard - it was just a great time being out there with people who knew me and the situation and just let me be me (one of the reasons I love coming here, too). We had an ok night of fishing, we got 6 flounders total - 4 of which I gaffed!!! I dubbed myself "The Flounder Queen" while the guys joked about who got to walk in the water next to me so I could help them spot the fish!

I must say (and to those of you out there that are against hunting and fishing - and there's nothing wrong with that, that's your choice - but I am all for it so you might wanna quit reading) there is something VERY therapeutic in picturing your H's face on a flounder right before you shove a spear thru that fish!!!! The guys told me before we headed out on the water tat I'd "feel better after I killed some sh!t" and boy they were right!!!!:rofl:

Spent yesterday recouping from the night before (got back to the dock @ 2:30am - wasn't in bed till 4am). Was quite sore from walking miles and miles thru knee deep water, holding a spot light and climbing in and out of the boat... so the day was spent on the couch popping Aleve!!!

Did text H and told him I had some things I needed to discuss face to face with him this week if possible (was thinking I'd be nice and give him a heads up about me filing for legal seperation as well as looking in to suing posOW for Alienation of Affection - God bless my state's antiquated laws!!! But whatevs!!!) and once again got no reply.

I took to my journal, I've been trying to write in it at least a few times a week and everday I do seem to add to my "Things I hate about H" list - also very therapeutic!!! I added the following:

"H is no longer my H - just some guy I'm married to."

"I don't even know this man anymore. He's become a lying, deceptive, self rightious (well, he was always self rightious) person who preaches empathy but fails practice it. He has become a man who screws over his friends and wife with no regard of the pain he inflicts. He's purely narcissistic and that is not the man I married."

So yeah, that's where I'm at right now...


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> "H is no longer my H - just some guy I'm married to."


Love this. It's exactly how I feel.

I'm glad you had a great weekend. I need to move to the coast so I can go "giggin". 

Btw, I'm jealous of NC's AOA law. I read where one NC woman was awarded over a million dollars from her husband's mistress. That is what I call happily divorced.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> Love this. It's exactly how I feel.
> 
> I'm glad you had a great weekend. I need to move to the coast so I can go "giggin".
> 
> Btw, I'm jealous of NC's AOA law. I read where one NC woman was awarded over a million dollars from her husband's mistress. That is what I call happily divorced.


Thank you!!!

Yeah, not sure how far I'll get with the AOA but I figured it's worth the threat to put a little fear in her behind!!! Besides, I know posOW is broke anyways (before I left H was telling me how she was having a problem coming up with $ for a reatiner in her child custody case) but it can still put a smile on my face!!!:rofl:

But hey, if I do get that million dollars (doubtful, but we can all dream...) I'll buy you and me both some houses on the coast and we can go giggin' anytime!!!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Hey EE

Do not bother with the AofA matter and just focus on your separation.

Get that done so your year counter starts ticking. It also shows your H that you ate not kidding around with him nor taking his behavior lightly.

Another point, keep your meeting about marriage matters or finances.

Do not tell him that you are legally starting the separation. Just tell him that you will be starting the process.

A little shock to him will be good for him.

So far I like the actions you have taken.

No matter what your H needs to grow up.

And you cannot do that for him.

By the way, the posow sounds like a real beauty. He really is acting pretty stupid getting involved with her.

But people always Affair down. 

Keep posting.

HM64


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Oh yeah.

Try this song out.

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Hey EE
> 
> Do not bother with the AofA matter and just focus on your separation.
> 
> ...


Well thank you very much, HM64! 

I do appreciate the "atta' girl" comments very much - keeps me from thinking I'm a deranged psycho!!! 

But I cannot take all the recognition for my actions as what I have done so far has been due to the totally awesome advice and insight from so many here on this site. TAM has really been a livesaver!:smthumbup:

You're most likely right about about abaondoning the AOA stuff, I doubt I would have really persued it (as posOW is broke it would just be a waste of more $/time on my part) but I would take pride in ruffling her feathers... I'm not gonna lie!

I will take your advise and tell H I'm looking into starting the LS process thou - thanks, cause I honestly wasn't sure how I was gonna go with that convo.

And have no fear - for I'm gonna keep posting till my little heart is content!!!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Oh yeah.
> 
> Try this song out.
> 
> YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.


Funny story about this song...

My H told me when it first came out how much he liked it - I could never stand it except for the part sang by Kimbra.

H tells me how much he loves the song - my response...
"Why? All it's about is some whining loser who obviously treated his girl like sh!t and now he wants to cry about how she dropped his a$$???!!! Sounds like dude got what he deserved if you ask me!!!"

H never mentioned that song again...:rofl:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Holy sh!t - I just remembered that today makes one month since I moved out - I mean I thought of it this morning while in the shower for a sec but it never reoccured to me again today till a little while ago while I was listening to the following:

Grooveshark - Free Music Streaming, Online Music

and realized that this was the first time since I moved out that I could sing along to this song with a big ol' smile on my face - I guess cause the song has taken on an entire new meaning for me rather than the mournful meaning it used to hold...

So anyways - that must be some sort of progress - and that makes me smile even more!!!!:smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Finally got ahold of my dhH (D!ckhead Husband) last night.

Sent him the following text:
"Dude, seriously, do I need to contact the Sheriffs so they can mitigate a meeting or what? I appreciate a good comedy but my sides are already killing me!"

Got an almost instant reply of:
"We can meet anytime you want. Want to tomorrow?"

I replied:
"Depends - are you gonna show up?"

He says:
"You could just come over."

And I:
"I accept that. Be there tomorrow evening 8pm."

And he:
"K."

So hopefully I'll get my sh!t tonight, but I'll be honest and say I am sooooo not holding my breath.

But if all does go as planned (and pigs fly, I win the million $ lottery and become the next Vouge cover girl) I'll get my stuff and let dhH know that I'm starting the process of LS. 

I'm still on the fence of bluffing and telling him the lawyers say I have a very good case for suing posOW for AOA (this is a total bluff, I haven't spoke to anyone about it nor would I waste my $ on posOW's broke ass) just to put a bee in their bonnet but haven't decided...


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Finally got ahold of my dhH (D!ckhead Husband) last night.
> 
> Sent him the following text:
> "Dude, seriously, do I need to contact the Sheriffs so they can mitigate a meeting or what? I appreciate a good comedy but my sides are already killing me!"


:rofl:

So, he's easily frightened, huh? Nice.

The AoA talk would probably scare the hell out of him, but then again, he probably doesn't really care about her, so I doubt he'll be too antsy to protect her money (or lack, thereof).


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> So, he's easily frightened, huh? Nice.
> 
> The AoA talk would probably scare the hell out of him, but then again, he probably doesn't really care about her, so I doubt he'll be too antsy to protect her money (or lack, thereof).


I know, right???!!!:rofl:

Now you see why my sides are killing me from all the laughing I've been doing!

I'm telling you - I hope I do get to see his dumba$$ and lay it out for him - I'm as excited as if it were Xmas day!!!

Today's track list persists of the Rolling Stones Hot Rocks Disc 1, excluding "As Tears go by" and "Let's Spend the Night Together"

Totally jamming "Play with Fire" thou!!!:smthumbup:


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

EE

Just make a list of what you need to get from him and your place.

Do not waste your time n the OW.

She is not the issue. He is.

Get your stuff, lay out your future for him.

Tell him not to **** around on the bills or paperwork.

Then leave.

And rock it out loud all the way home.

Do not waste a tear because he is not thinking straight and has not been for a while.

It is time to take care of you now.

HM64


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> EE
> 
> Just make a list of what you need to get from him and your place.
> 
> ...


Oh HM64, the voice of reason you are! Thank you. 

Thinking about it - you're right. She's not worth my time - or the sh!t on the bottom of my boots! 

So I'll abandon the idea of bringing up the AoA in real life - but I might still save it as an imaginary movie to play in my head so as to give myself a good chuckle from time to time - but only for a bit, I'll try not to dwel too long on it!

I will keep convo calm, cool, straight and to the point then be on my way. I won't waste anymore time on him than is absolutely necessary. 

I hope I don't tear up thou - that's a possibility I've been dreading...

I think I'll probably jam "Before He Cheats" on the way there and the way home as I'm sure that'll help keep any possible tears at bay!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

EE,

Just do the best you can.

It is all we can expect of ourselves.

Just remember it is your time and on your dime.

Get what you want out of the meeting.

Nothing less.

Have a great night and be strong. Stay focused.

HM64


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Tonight I plan on having HM64 on one shoulder whispering "Be strong and stay focused" while Conrad sits on my other shoulder whispering "Fear is not attractive"...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Tonight I plan on having HM64 on one shoulder whispering "Be strong and stay focused" while Conrad sits on my other shoulder whispering "Fear is not attractive"...


Cool

Firm

Dispassionate


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

That's my plan.

Thank you, Conrad.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

In a soft whisper right behind your shoulder I am saying 

"Be strong and Stay focused!".

Good Luck
:smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> In a soft whisper right behind your shoulder I am saying
> 
> "Be strong and Stay focused!".
> 
> ...


Oh HM64, I got your message as I was literally starting my car to go talk to STBXH. I really needed your comment at that very moment - thank you so very much. 

As you can tell it was a very short convo. 

I got my things, he still doesn't have the remainder of his monthly debt payment to me - says he'll have it in the next few days...

I told him the reason I was there was to let him know I would be meeting with a lawyer in the next week to begin the process of filing for a LS. 

He needed to smoke a cigg after I said that. 

Outside he was quiet for a bit then explained that he'd put some of his belongings on Craigslist to sell to get me my $. 

After we finished smoking we went back inside. I told him unless he had anything to say that I said what I needed to tell him, that I didn't think it was an appropriate thing to discuss over the phone and therefore wanted to tell him to his face.

He asked me what I wanted him to say and I told him nothing. 

He walked me outside and I asked if he'd be getting up with me Friday about the $ which he said yes. I said ok and got in my car. 

He just leaned against his roomate's car and said nothing. Just watched me go. 

I didn't get emotional while I was there. I stayed calm and detached. I said nothing about the posOW. I did ask him if he got my key which he said yes and that it took him a while to get the gum off his windshield. 

Since I've gotten home I've only shed one tear. But I'll admit that I currently feel as if I'm holding back a dam full of them. 

I took to my journal list and added #45) when I told him I would be filing for LS he didn't even fight for me. He had nothing to say. 

I hurt so bad right now. It's almost as if my heart has been broken again thou I will admit it's nowhere near as bad as when it first happened the day I moved out. 

I just don't understand how someone I gave my life, my love, my all to could so easily let me go. It's not supposed to happen like this! After all the sh!t he's put me thru, everything, not just the EA (possible PA) it's supposed to be me that watches him leave! I'm supposed to be happy to rid my life of that pain but instead here I am - tears streaming down my face (sorry, I'm trying my best to hold them back) feeling like a huge piece of me has been ripped out of me. I hate this. Why do I love him so much? Why does he care so little? Life is so not fair - sometimes it just down right sucks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Hey EE,

Love does suck. Take it from a guy with the same woman 26 years (married 20 this Nov.).

*But as much as it sucks it can be so great.When you are with the right person. *

And from what you have told us it really sounds like your H has to grow up and be a man.

I know you look back on when you cheated and wonder if this is part of the consequences. But you know what, you rose to the occasion, beat yourself up and came back out the other side the woman you want to be.

I do not think your H came with you on that ride.

Somewhere he got off to smoke a cigarette, lost his place and missed the ride.

It is ok to cry. I am sure he is sad too. Because he knows he is going to lose you. But that is his choice. He took that decision away from you.

Maybe he will wake up. Maybe he won't.

But remember this, you can be a survivor. You have already been at this stage in your life. 

Or you can be a winner. And the winner is the person who conquers their own fears, is not afraid to love and refuses to let anything or anyone hold them back.

Go find that person that will take the ride and hold you so tight that they will not ever get off that ride with you through life.

That is what true love is all about. Believe me when I say i know about the ride.

And I am still learning about this ride everyday and the challenges it brings to me on a daily basis. But when you have the right partner these challenges can be overcome and you both share in that success.

Go cry and tomorrow wakeup knowing what you have to do.

Peace.

HM64


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Embrace,

Is your focus on him, or you?


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Ok Ms Rocky (EE)
This is Mickey

You know that in this championship fight you will have a hell of a fight. You just got knocked on your AZZ! Now get up come to your stool, rest a bit and listen to your friend.




> By EE
> I'm supposed to be happy to rid my life of that pain but instead here I am - tears streaming down my face (sorry, I'm trying my best to hold them back) feeling like a huge piece of me has been ripped out of me


You gave yourself to this man. You opened up your heart to him and he stepped on your heart. You gave him the opportunity to take his foot off of your heart and help you make the relations better; he refused. That hurts, that is pain.

You have to let go of the emotional connection that you have with this man---that equals pain.

You wonder why he does not fall apart because he is losing a good woman. That equals Pain.	He has made a free will choice to become hard and selfish. You had nothing to do with that!

A huge piece of your heart has been ripped from you---that equals pain

You still have a bit of scar over your PA and that equals pain. 

The bottom line is that you tried to salvage this relationship and he refused. You have a choice. You can get up off the floor and realize that you are going to be in pain but that you gave it 100% and he is the one that refuses to keep your affections for him. The other choice is that you can let your pain keep you from coming off the Stool and getting back in the fight. *Cry your eyes out, get some rest, do something for yourself, remember that you will get better and then get back up Rocky!!!*

After you stand up and fight for what is right and take legal action he may come to his senses and want to reconcile. That may happen or it may not but you have to keep getting yourself in shape so that you can make it with or without him. That is the key thing for you to concentrate on. *You cannot allow your emotional health to be in the hands of the man that has crushed your heart!* Your emotions will take a hit but you can survive and get a LOT better. In fact if you keep getting up after being knocked down you will win in the end.

You are not the only one that has had their heart stepped on and you are a woman that has the ability to do as millions of others have done and that is to recover and have a good life.

*I know that you wnat something for your bleeding emotions but right now you are in a bloody street fight and you have to put your emotions aside for a while in order to save them.*


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Hey EE,
> 
> Love does suck. Take it from a guy with the same woman 26 years (married 20 this Nov.).
> 
> ...


Thank you HM64 for your kind words.

You and your wife are so lucky to have been together so long and to each have someone who knows what true love is really about.

You're right, I put my all into this relationship while STBXH stood on the sidelines. And there was/is nothing I can do about that as it is solely his decision.

I want to be the winner you speak of, I want to find that person you speak of who will stay on the roller coaster with me and I keep telling myself that one day I will, after I have healed and learned from this experience and have bettered myself. I know they're out there and one day we will find each other.

Some tears are still here this morning - I think some of them are from last night but the others are from being so touched by the kind words that I found here this morning from you and others. Thank you, again.

I know what I have to do.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Embrace,
> 
> Is your focus on him, or you?


Thank you, Conrad.

It is/was on him.

I know it should be on me and I'm working on that as I type.

You know, when I read your comment I picture you off to my side saying "Suck it up and put your big girl britches on!" and that makes me smile.


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

We all get knocked down, girl, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Now, get up, pick up the pieces and download "I Will Survive". Let Gloria school you, this morning. 

Hugs, honey!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> Ok Ms Rocky (EE)
> This is Mickey
> 
> You know that in this championship fight you will have a hell of a fight. You just got knocked on your AZZ! Now get up come to your stool, rest a bit and listen to your friend.
> ...


Mikey, I'm starting to think that you are like some fairy godfather - boxing/relationship trainer! You always show when I'm down and need encouragment the most - thank you so very much!

You're right, I have a lot of pain over him, the relationship, and a bit from my past PA (with the PA I do think since coming here I have taken giant steps towards forgiving myself for that and that's thanks to people like you) - but I have to let it go.

I need to let it go and take pride in the fact that I took what I was dealt and gave my all to better every aspect of it. I gave it my best and that's all anyone can expect to give.

I will rise - it may be slowly, it may take some time - my I *WILL *rise. I will dust myself off and get back in the ring. My future and well being lies in no one else's hands but mine.

STBXH may want to recoincile one day and he may not - either way it does me no good what so ever to wait around on him. It's time for me to live completely for myself and check those emotions at the door. It's time for me to keep on keeping on! 

Thank you again, Mikey, you are a good friend.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> We all get knocked down, girl, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
> 
> Now, get up, pick up the pieces and download "I Will Survive". Let Gloria school you, this morning.
> 
> Hugs, honey!


Thank you, Sweety!

Downloaded and listening to Gloria as I type.

Thank you for making me smile this morning, I really appreciate it!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

So, STBXH did email me last night about 20 minutes after I left.

He said he didn't know what to say while I was there and still didn't. He doesn't want to see me hurting and not being with me hurts him, too. He's not sure where to go with this. Said he didn't think being in a realtionship w/ me when he wasn't there 100% w/ his feelings is worse than seperation (more on that to follow). Stated as I had said in a previous letter that I did not force him to marry me - he married me cause he wanted to and doesn't regret it. That for the most part we were really happy and he's sorry he sh!t all over that as it wasn't his intention. Says he is doing me a disservice by staying in a relationship with me with the doubts he has. That he knows nothing he can say will make it better, that his 1st instinct is to hold me and try and make everything better but he can't do that. The thought of me in pain kills him and he wished he could've been the H I had intended him to be. He says he's not sure how to piece any of this together. That the news of a LS hurts but he chose this path and has to deal with it's consequences. Says for what it's worth he apologizes and he never meant for things to end up this way.

I did respond, which I'm sure I'll catch hell for...

I asked if he typed the "not thinking being in a relationship with me when he can't be there 100% in his feelings is worse than a LS". I told him it would be a while before we'd be able to file for D as I'm not sure what day the courts go by here - the day I moved out or the day I file LS. Told him as I have stated before that I will not stand idly by waiting for him to choose between another girl/life and me. Nor did I deserve to be treated that way. I told him again that if before D was final he decided he wanted to be my H again we could possibly discuss it but to know that I am moving on just as he is. I closed it telling him that the really painful thing is the realization that I don't even feel as if I know him anymore. That he is not my H - just some guy I'm married to.

He responded by editing his comment to "I think being in a relationship with you when I can't be there 100% in my feelings is worse than the seperation."

So that ladies and gents is where it stands. I'm going total NC except for collecting my debts payments from him and possible interactions concerning the LS. We still have our car insurance combined - guess I'm gonna have to look into getting that split up, too.

Playlist for today is the Horrorpops with a some of Gloria's "I will survive" thrown in (thanks again, Sweety).

This one keeps making it onto repeat thou...
Horrorpops - Keep My Picture! - YouTube


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Too much talking dear.

"I'm not ok with ANY sort of relationship with you as long as you are involved with posOW"

And then... SILENCE


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Too much talking dear.
> 
> "I'm not ok with ANY sort of relationship with you as long as you are involved with posOW"
> 
> And then... SILENCE


Duly noted.

Will proceed as so!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Feeling a bit better today, yesterday was hard - I'll admit that.

It helps me to focus on some realizations I've made...

1) Why be hung up on someone who doesn't even care to fight for you marriage?

2)Why stay hung up on someone who clearly isn't the person you thought they were - esp when this "new" version of them is not someone you would ever want to assocaite with to begin with?

3) Being hung up on someone that "was" is just plain living in a fantasy world. That person that "was" is dead and doing anything but holding on to the memory of them hinders my own healing process. (I guess this could go hand in hand with #2)

4) His loss is and will be my gain.

5)Through out it all I have come to be the bigger person in this. (I'll admit I wasn't in the beginning - but thanks to support and info gained from those here on this site I have become the bigger person - thanks guys!!!!:smthumbup

So I continue to focus on the above. I'm not going to fool myself and say there won't be moments when I'm down again - but I think I'll be ok and be able to work thru it as long as I keep focusing on the above as well as myself!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

"There's an old saying, "That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger".
I don't believe that. I think the things that try to will make you angry and sad. Strength comes from the good things. Your family, your friends, the satisfaction of hard work. Those are the things that will keep you whole. Those are the things you hold onto when you're broken."
-JT


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, put in a call and left a message for lawyer I want this afternoon...

Looks like I've got this LS ball rolling, folks!

Now she just needs to call me back...

Oh the an-tici......pation!!!!


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

I envy your strength, girl.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> I envy your strength, girl.


Oh Sweety, thank you. 

But to be honest, I'm not sure if its strength or rage that plows me ahead right now. Like I told you earlier, only the person themself can decide how much they can and will take.

It takes 2 people to make a marriage work and looking back I now realize that I was the only one clocking in, so to speak, for a long time. 

I gave that man-child my life, my love, my all - and this is how he repays me? So I refuse to let him make me feel like a fool any longer especially when I never deserved this. 

Please don't get me wrong, there is still a piece of me that hopes for a R but I'm preparing myself for the reality that I see as enevitable. 

I do this because it helps protect me and makes me feel like I'm taking power over my own life by no longer letting him string me along. And I'd be lying if I didn't say that hope it serves as a wake up call to him maybe it will be - maybe it won't. 

Either way, I'm an awesome chick who deserves better than this guy has given me. And if he won't give me the love and adoration I deserve then I can continue to move on and hopefully find the man that will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Embrace,

Is he still upset about your PA?


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> By EE-Rocketta
> Well, put in a call and left a message for lawyer I want this afternoon...
> 
> Looks like I've got this LS ball rolling, folks!


Rocketta does not just talk the talk she walks the walk with ACTIONS!!!

CONGRADULATIONS Rocketta!!

You proved again that you value yourself enough to not be stepped on!!


Mickey


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Embrace,
> 
> Is he still upset about your PA?


I know there's a part of him that will always be hurt over my PA. Over the years he would occasionaly make a snide comment to me about it.

When the current sh!t hit the fan I made the comment to him that I believed what was happening was my deserved karma for what I had done - he told me that my PA had nothing to do with it but did admit that my PA had caused him issuses he was still dealing with.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> Rocketta does not just talk the talk she walks the walk with ACTIONS!!!
> 
> CONGRADULATIONS Rocketta!!
> 
> ...


Awwww, thanks Mikey!!!

I, Rocketta, will continue to keep on keeping on!!!:smthumbup:


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Eternal Embrace said:


> I know there's a part of him that will always be hurt over my PA. Over the years he would occasionaly make a snide comment to me about it.
> 
> When the current sh!t hit the fan I made the comment to him that I believed what was happening was my deserved karma for what I had done - he told me that my PA had nothing to do with it but did admit that my PA had caused him issuses he was still dealing with.


What were the circumstances surrounding it?


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> What were the circumstances surrounding it?


You mean why did I persue the PA?

If so, I persued it because at that time (and a long time leading up to it) I felt that H was totally neglecting me. I voiced my concerns of him seeming to never have time to spend with me while he would be busy going out with friends or having his friends over the house to the wee hours of the morning. Don't get me wrong - I support having and hanging out with friends outside of the marriage but this felt as if he was purposefully trying to exclude me. He also neglected all his portions of duties around the house (as in just stopped doing anything). I also felt as if he heaped all financial responsibilities on to me - not providing with his portion of bill payments, etc.

I pretty much felt as if I was nothing more than a bank for him.

I know you'll probably say he didn't do anything I didn't let him get away with (been watching you on Sweety's thread) and you're right. But I had voiced my concerns repeatedly to no avil.

Then an EA began with a coworker who gave me the attention I was desperately seeking and after about 5 months of an EA it progressed into a PA which lasted about a month before H found out. Upon him finding out about it I ended things with the coworker, coworker ending up leaving the company shortly after. 

H moved out the day he found out about my A and was gone for 3 months. We spoke during that time and worked on our issues (or so I thought) and he returned home.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Lawyer just contacted me - meeting with her is set for Monday @ 9:30am - was told everything should be really cut and dry seeing as how we owned no property together and had no kids - guess they don't count the pup... well, I won't tell the pup that!


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Lawyer just contacted me - meeting with her is set for Monday @ 9:30am - was told everything should be really cut and dry seeing as how we owned no property together and had no kids - guess they don't count the pup... well, I won't tell the pup that!


:allhail:

You are a force to be reckoned with, EE!

Do yo thang, girl!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> :allhail:
> 
> You are a force to be reckoned with, EE!
> 
> Do yo thang, girl!


Thank you, thank you! (While I take a bow!)

I'm doing what I can!


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Let us know how the meeting went!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> Let us know how the meeting went!


Urgh!!!

Well Hurricane Sandy came thru this weekend - she ahsn't entirely left yet... we didn't even experience real hurricane conditions or anything - it's been more like a nor'easter and not even a bad one at that!!!

Anywho - I go to the lawyer's this morning and lo and behold - they're closed!!! No call or nothing!!! I am ticked since I took time off work to go do this and like I said - it's not even a bad storm!!! I mean, jeez - the local Xmas shop is open!!! How come the lawyer isn't???

Once I calm down I'm gonna put in a call and leave a message ssaying I came, I saw and got nothing done - but in a lot nicer terms...

Did break down (no tears or anything like that, I guess just thinking about the lawyer) and texted STBXH yesterday and asked if he honestly thought there was hope for us. He said he didn't know and that he didn't want to have the convo over text. I told him I wasn't ready to have that discussion face to face which he said he understood. He then just kept telling me to be safe in the storm cause it turned out to be a lot worse than he thought and to let him know when I wanted to talk.

So yeah, I kinda took a step back... but I'm still gonna meet with the lawyer. I spent the rest of the night invisioning my own personal Prince Charming (who is totally not my H - more so some imaginary guy in my mind) who would never do the douchey things STBXH did, loves me for who I am and who I totally can't keep my hands off of!!! Hey! A girl can dream, right??!!!


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Boo to the lawyer!

I was wondering if you guys got slammed by Sandy. It's good to know you didn't.

I think it's positive that he wants to talk face-to-face. Mine hides from that. How long have you guys been separated? (I suffer from severe amnesia )

Girl, I constantly daydream about my Prince Charming, and his name is Clay Matthews. It's too damn bad Andy Reid is more attainable, in real life.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> Boo to the lawyer!
> 
> I was wondering if you guys got slammed by Sandy. It's good to know you didn't.
> 
> ...


Well, had to leave work early cause the wind switched to the west and the road out of the town was flooding over... So hopefully things will be better in the morning!!!

We've been seperated since 9/22/12. Idk what to think about him being open to talking about things. It makes me feel good but on the other hand it doesn't - if that makes sense. I'm not getting my hopes up or anything - I'm continuing with business as usual. I just don't seeing him ending his "friendship" with posOW, for things to progress with us he'd have to end all contact and find another job for me to feel comfortable. And knowing him I just don't see that happening. He has a serious lack of motivation - with anything!

So yeah, for now I'll continue with my day dreams of Ryan Hurst!!!! Haha!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Then tell him exactly that:

"I'm not ok with us discussing anything (except divorce) as long as posOW is in the picture"


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Then tell him exactly that:
> 
> "I'm not ok with us discussing anything (except divorce) as long as posOW is in the picture"


That's what I was thinking. 

Honestly thou - I have a feeling this is gonna be the "it's totally over and done" talk when/if it does happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Eternal Embrace said:


> That's what I was thinking.
> 
> Honestly thou - I have a feeling this is gonna be the "it's totally over and done" talk when/if it does happen.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How much worse off will you be if that happens?


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> How much worse off will you be if that happens?


No more worse off at all. I think it might be a blessing really. 

I'd rather have the talk and know and be certian it's over and done with rather than having some small fleeting hope that maybe it might work. 

If I knew 100% that our marriage was irretrievable I think that fleeting voice would carry her a$$ and I could totally be at peace with moving on since I would have no questions unanswered. I guess I'm looking for closure...?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Closure is ok if you get it.

Your H is sitting on the fence or in another relationship already.

So your meeting and conversation will probably be brief and the talking short with no conclusion or closure.

But what do you have to lose.

See your L. Get the process started.

And continue to work on you.

Please realize that some BS's never recover from their spouse's Affair. He probably never did. So what did he do? He went and made the same poor choice you did.

It sucks.

The key is to learn from it. Forgive yourself. Forgive him.

And move on.

The key to forgiveness is to not make these same mistakes in your next relationship.

And EE, make sure the next guy is mature enough to pay his own share of the bills and hold down a job. 

The man boy just does not seem capable. 

Good Luck and let us know how you make out.

HM64


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Closure is ok if you get it.
> 
> Your H is sitting on the fence or in another relationship already.
> 
> ...


Thanks, HM64.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up about closure - I'd really rather it just be him maning up and telling me either "yeah, we can work on this" or "no, done is done."

I have come a long way in forgiving myself for my A and I'm also working hard on trying to fogive him - that will take some time thou. I believe I could more easily forgive if their relatyionship was about sex but it being emotional - that really stings, esp since it started soon after he put a ring on my finger and took his vows. 

Either way, I continue to work on myself and this discussion between us will not happen for a few weeks - right now I am incapable of even looking at him so it's gonna take some time.

Rest assured thou - I will update as soon as the convo takes place.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, it seems STBXH has another hurdle to jump...

He has 2 jobs, 1 is seasonal and is about to end very soon. His other job appears to have flooded in the storm. Not sure how bad but before high tide last night someone sent me a pic of STBXH's work place and it looked as if there was at least 1-1/2' of water inside and that pic was taken before 2 more high tides.
I sent pic to STBXH and asked if he had seen it and got no reply - which I usually don't when he's hanging out with posOW...

I would be lying if I said a part of me wasn't thinking that this is some sort of karma for the both of them but mostly I do feel bad - for him, posOW can go to hell. I know how devestated I would be if my work place had been flooded and damaged in the storm - I don't know what I would do.

In other news, I have yet to hear back from lawyer - not sure when to except to either as some patrs of the town are immpassable due to flooding caused by major ocean overwash. Hopefully lawyer made it out ok - I know her office is fine as it is highly elevated and I was there peering into to the empty office yesterday morning...


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> I sent pic to STBXH and asked if he had seen it and got no reply - which I usually don't when he's hanging out with posOW...


In the beginning of my separation, when I couldn't leave him alone, that used to piss me off more than anything! I always knew when he was with IT, because he wouldn't respond to a text.



Eternal Embrace said:


> In other news, I have yet to hear back from lawyer - not sure when to except to either as some patrs of the town are immpassable due to flooding caused by major ocean overwash. Hopefully lawyer made it out ok - I know her office is fine as it is highly elevated and I was there peering into to the empty office yesterday morning...


It's pretty pathetic they haven't even offered up any correspondence to clients that had an appointment.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> In the beginning of my separation, when I couldn't leave him alone, that used to piss me off more than anything! I always knew when he was with IT, because he wouldn't respond to a text.


Oh, I know! It really irks when when I think about all the times we were together and posOW would text or call him and he'd jump to answer when I was sitting right there - but now he can't even give me the time of day??? Whatevs - he can have fun hanging out with his little crack baby look-alike!




SCsweety81 said:


> It's pretty pathetic they haven't even offered up any correspondence to clients that had an appointment.


I second this as well, I handle all the appointments with customers concerning the company I work for and I made sure to notify people that "hey, it's awful nasty out there - we're gonna have to reschedule." And I don't even get paid the $300 consult fee that these folks are charging!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> I would be lying if I said a part of me wasn't thinking that this is some sort of karma for the both of them but mostly I do feel bad - for him, posOW can go to hell. I know how devestated I would be if my work place had been flooded and damaged in the storm - I don't know what I would do.


 Your a better person then me. Some of the stuff I've wished upon my ex and especially her boyfriend are pretty bad. Though I haven't made my way down to the voodoo shop on Bourbon street yet. "Buy one curse get the other half off!" 



Eternal Embrace said:


> Oh, I know! It really irks when when I think about all the times we were together and posOW would text or call him and he'd jump to answer when I was sitting right there - but now he can't even give me the time of day??? Whatevs - he can have fun hanging out with his little crack baby look-alike!


 That's the worst. Drives me batty when my Stbx gets a text then hops up and runs to a secluded place to jump on the phone and chat it up with the OM. I would never do that to someone unless I hated them or had no shame at all. Still can't figure out which of those two are my wife. Probably all of the above.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Your a better person then me. Some of the stuff I've wished upon my ex and especially her boyfriend are pretty bad. Though I haven't made my way down to the voodoo shop on Bourbon street yet. "Buy one curse get the other half off!" .


Thank you, but I am in no way a better person than you as I have wished countless bad things on the two of them - what makes us better people is not following thru with said bad thoughts - having the restraint that others (like my STBXH & posOW) did not.



NoWhere said:


> That's the worst. Drives me batty when my Stbx gets a text then hops up and runs to a secluded place to jump on the phone and chat it up with the OM. I would never do that to someone unless I hated them or had no shame at all. Still can't figure out which of those two are my wife. Probably all of the above.


Speaking from my own personal expierence when I had my A years before we were married - I had no shame. I blamed all my problems on STBXH and thought myself justified in my actions. It took me a long time to realize that I was just running away from my problems instead of confronting them like a person should. In having no shame I had no guts either. I feel now that if I had the audacity to do such a hurtful thing I should have the guts to be upfront about what I was doing. And I suppose I _thought_ I did hate him at the time - but I didn't, I now see that deep down I hated myself at the time for what a coward I had become... if any of that makes any sense at all...


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Speaking from my own personal expierence when I had my A years before we were married - I had no shame. I blamed all my problems on STBXH and thought myself justified in my actions. It took me a long time to realize that I was just running away from my problems instead of confronting them like a person should. In having no shame I had no guts either. I feel now that if I had the audacity to do such a hurtful thing I should have the guts to be upfront about what I was doing. And I suppose I _thought_ I did hate him at the time - but I didn't, I now see that deep down I hated myself at the time for what a coward I had become... if any of that makes any sense at all...


 Wish you and my wife could have a heart to heart. I think she is doing the same thing. Blaming me for her actions. If anything I was too sweet to her and we didn't have many issues. We just drifted apart and I didn't do enough to keep her close to me. Instead she started going out partying a lot then I guess once she met this other guy it was over for me and our marriage. I'm just so devastated even thinking about it.
Feel like I will never recover from this.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Wish you and my wife could have a heart to heart. I think she is doing the same thing. Blaming me for her actions.


Hindsight is always 20/20, my dear. And it took me a _long_ time to even accept that hindsight. I'm sure one day, even if she wants to admit it or not, that deep down your wife will feel the same. But then again, maybe not - some people refuse to accept the things that make them uncomfortable with themselves.



NoWhere said:


> If anything I was too sweet to her and we didn't have many issues. We just drifted apart and I didn't do enough to keep her close to me. Instead she started going out partying a lot then I guess once she met this other guy it was over for me and our marriage. I'm just so devastated even thinking about it.
> Feel like I will never recover from this.


Sometimes I feel the exact same way - that we drifted apart and I didn't do enough, but again, I look back at the situation and realize it takes 2 to make a marriage and 1 person can't be expected to carry the whole load.

My STBXH did the same thing - started going out and partying (even thou he used to tell me how much he hated me partying back in the day causing me to stop all said partying)) and found someone else whom he believes he has "more in common with" (I guess pi$$ing on people's lives is a real bonding moment for some folks...) so I'm left to my own devices.

NoWhere, I promise, it will get better for you. The healing may not be swift by no means but each day you will slowly regain a little bit more of yourself and your happiness. And I'm sure it'll be a whole lot easier when you're out of that house.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> Wish you and my wife could have a heart to heart. I think she is doing the same thing. Blaming me for her actions. If anything I was too sweet to her and we didn't have many issues. We just drifted apart and I didn't do enough to keep her close to me. Instead she started going out partying a lot then I guess once she met this other guy it was over for me and our marriage. I'm just so devastated even thinking about it.
> Feel like I will never recover from this.


https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

Have you read this book?

You need to.

Letting some woman walk on you like this indicates a serious lack of self respect.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf
> 
> Have you read this book?
> 
> ...


Too late already read it. I had self respect. This situation just took it all away.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

NoWhere said:


> Too late already read it. I had self respect. This situation just took it all away.


Melanie Beattie's "Codependent No More"

Amazon.com: Buying Choices: Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

If you can't afford the $1.25 for the used copy, I'll buy it for you.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I was going to read something on that subject next. I really took very little from No More Mr Nice Guy. Some of the traits fit, but the book really didn't offer many answers other then pointing out the flaws and the philosophy behind the syndrome then saying go to a group therapy or talk to a 'safe' person. However I got the jest of it.

I'll definitely be checking out that book though. Couldn't hurt.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, the good natured side of me won out yesterday afternoon and I texted STBXH telling him I was sorry about his year round job getting flooded out in the storm and asked if the owner was going to keep the employees on to clean it up after the county figures out how to get all the flood water out of there (owners having employees do clean up is a typical thing where we live as it keeps the employees working so owners don't have to lay them off and face higher UI taxes). He said no one had called him but he had heard the owner was planning on hiring a cleaning company. I asked if the storm at least generated some work for his other job to which he replied that it did but most of the work is ocean side and totally unaccessible for the time being because of flooding and roads being washed out. STBXH then went on to tell me how he only had a little over $100 and needed to put minutes on his phone or it would run out, that rent was due in 2 days as is the water bill.

As I said yesterday - I do feel bad for the dude. So I offered advise telling him the rent had a 5 day grace period and the water could be paid late with the addition of a small penalty fee. He spoke of selling more of his things to get the money and apologized for not having paid me his entire debt payment this month, that he was really trying and once he got backing working steady at his seasonal job he should be able to get back on his feet. I then stupidly offered to loan him $60 till Friday when he gets paid (I spent 10 years being gf/wife and mother - it's a hard to break habit that I obviously still need to keep working on) I also told him I wanted to go over a few things concerning the seperation agreement before it got put in writing and about how my appointment with the lawyer got cancelled (I guess seeing as how they STILL haven't called me back) cause of the storm. He texted back to just let him know when I wanted to talk. I tried texting back to tell him it could be handled over the phone but my phone was being wonky (only with him thou - it was texting/calling everyone else just fine - maybe my phone was trying to give me a sign) either way the text would not go thru to him so I called and left a message on his phone when I got outta work (I was suprised that my voice was so chipper when leaving said message concerning the seperation agreement...). 

Well, I never heard anything back from him. I don't know if his phone did get cut off, if it was because of the cell problems we're having down here cause of the storm or if he just plain didn't call me back. I suspect the latter.

I didn't let him piss me off thou. If anything I got pissed with myself for offering to help him - which totally makes no sense to me as a part of me had been anticipating being able to relish the moment he fell flat on his face when I wasn't there to help him.

As far as the lawyer - I have no idea what is up. I've called and left messages and I'm assuming they have yet to open back up after the storm. I know I could always contact another lawyer but I was thinking...

We don't own any property together or have any kids. Now, the state I live in is an equal equity state thou. What I was thinking of my writing up my own seperation agreement detailing his debt to me and payments to be made, saying that both of us are satisified with the posessions we have retained since me leaving, stating he would never come after me for alimony/spousal support/or my earnings, have him and I both give up any rights to each others vehicles (like I said, it's an equal equity state therefore even thou his name is not on the title of my ride he's still entitled to half of it if he gets a wild hair up his bum - I however have no interest in the deathtrap he drives), also have it state that neither one of us is resposible for any debt incurred after my date of leaving and also including that it would fine if either of us chose to date (not that I want to date/be with anyone else right now or for the forseeable future but I'd like to have the option if someone VERY special arrises). So yeah, put all that stuff in writing, add our John Han****s and have it notorized - how does that sound?


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> We don't own any property together or have any kids. Now, the state I live in is an equal equity state thou. What I was thinking of my writing up my own seperation agreement detailing his debt to me and payments to be made, saying that both of us are satisified with the posessions we have retained since me leaving, stating he would never come after me for alimony/spousal support/or my earnings, have him and I both give up any rights to each others vehicles (like I said, it's an equal equity state therefore even thou his name is not on the title of my ride he's still entitled to half of it if he gets a wild hair up his bum - I however have no interest in the deathtrap he drives), also have it state that neither one of us is resposible for any debt incurred after my date of leaving and also including that it would fine if either of us chose to date (not that I want to date/be with anyone else right now or for the forseeable future but I'd like to have the option if someone VERY special arrises). So yeah, put all that stuff in writing, add our John Han****s and have it notorized - how does that sound?


I thought about doing that, too. There are websites that "quiz" you on the details and automate a separation agreement, for about forty bucks. I wonder if they're reputable?

I'm impressed that he responded to the text, yesterday. That's a step, huh? 

You know these re-re's have to feel like the biggest d-bags, ever. How do they sleep at night?


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> I thought about doing that, too. There are websites that "quiz" you on the details and automate a separation agreement, for about forty bucks. I wonder if they're reputable?


I didn't even know about the online stuff so I just went looking - the ones I found that seem legit run around $160 but that's still way better than the $300/hr the slack a$$ lawyer was gonna charge me an hour. Only prob is I don't know exactly how it'll lay everything out (like his monthly debt payments to me) without going ahead and paying for the service - so I'm still on the fence of wether to draw something up myself or not...



SCsweety81 said:


> I'm impressed that he responded to the text, yesterday. That's a step, huh?
> 
> You know these re-re's have to feel like the biggest d-bags, ever. How do they sleep at night?


Yeah, I was impressed with his text responses too, that is until ol' yellow belly couldn't answer the phone for whatever reason. The 1/2 a brownie point he earned was quickly striken from the record!

As far as them feeling like d-bags - you know, I honestly don't think they do. I think that they've feed themselves their justifing lies so much that none of this really bothers them - and when it actually does start to bother them a bit they turn tail and run - hence ol' yellow belly (I like that nickname, I think he'll be keeping it:rofl. And that, my dear, is how I presume they sleep at night!

It's whatevs thou - at least I know I'm a better person (who has no trouble what so ever sleeping at night) because of all this crap I'm having to wade thru!!!:smthumbup:


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> I didn't even know about the online stuff so I just went looking - the ones I found that seem legit run around $160 but that's still way better than the $300/hr the slack a$$ lawyer was gonna charge me an hour. Only prob is I don't know exactly how it'll lay everything out (like his monthly debt payments to me) without going ahead and paying for the service - so I'm still on the fence of wether to draw something up myself or not...:confused


I'd recommend you consult with a lawyer. You should be able to get everything pretty cheaply if you and your spouse agree on everything. My divorce was about $950.00. Your spouse will split this with you.

Those online sites only ask very bare info then send you the forms. You still end up having to fill out a ton of other info. Usually including financial statements, mortgage info, bank info, Taxes etc. Then you have to get everything notarized, signed etc. Then submit them to the court.

You can basically get those same forms cheaper from your local county courthouse. The problem with those forms is if anything is done wrong or questionable the judge will deny the divorce and you're back at square 1. Also they may not have the proper legal phrases to prevent a spouse coming back and objecting to something later or wanting to change things and other legal safe guards a lawyer might recommend adding.

IMO it is worth the money. You are going through enough and don't want to get screwed or have to run all over town, file and refile etc. Plus the whole process is a pain. 

Its good to at least get a lawyers advice. Just call around and get rough estimates on how much the whole process will cost.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I'd recommend you consult with a lawyer. You should be able to get everything pretty cheaply if you and your spouse agree on everything. My divorce was about $950.00. Your spouse will split this with you.


Yeah, see, in my state the seperation agreement alone runs anywhere from $900-1400 theu a lawyer and I do know you can add the addendum that the other is responsible for 1/2 the fee but what good is that when dude can't even come up with his own rent money?

The divorce itself will run you even more - it's the norm around here to have to put down at least a $3000 reatiner for the divorce.

Damn beach price gouging I tell ya, once anything comes across our bridge the price goes up 200% of it's normal value no matter what it is!!!

Hint to all - unless you're a millionaire - NEVER live on an island!!!



NoWhere said:


> Those online sites only ask very bare info then send you the forms. You still end up having to fill out a ton of other info. Usually including financial statements, mortgage info, bank info, Taxes etc. Then you have to get everything notarized, signed etc. Then submit them to the court.


I figured they onlt asked the bare minimum - that's why I was a tad put off by them and was leaning more towards writing our own thing up myself - we have no mortage and never even shared a bank account.



NoWhere said:


> You can basically get those same forms cheaper from your local county courthouse. The problem with those forms is if anything is done wrong or questionable the judge will deny the divorce and you're back at square 1. Also they may not have the proper legal phrases to prevent a spouse coming back and objecting to something later or wanting to change things and other legal safe guards a lawyer might recommend adding.


The getting the papers from the court itself seems like a better option to me acutally - and seeing as how in this state you can't file for divorce for a year and a day (in my case that would be 9/24/13 -ha! the day before our 3 year marriage anniversary) and the fact that I work litterally 5 minutes from the court house doesn't really seem like a big inconvenience for me time or effort wise.



NoWhere said:


> IMO it is worth the money. You are going through enough and don't want to get screwed or have to run all over town, file and refile etc. Plus the whole process is a pain.
> 
> Its good to at least get a lawyers advice. Just call around and get rough estimates on how much the whole process will cost.


I truely appreciate all of your advise thou, NW, thank you. 

I guess when it comes down to it thou I'm a square peg/round hole type of gal - I'm hardheaded and never seem to take the path of least resistance. Plus I have enough debt as it is right now and adding to it just because of that d0uche just leaves an extremely unpleasant taste in my mouth - that is unless he wants to contest something in which case I can have him on the hook for half of my personal debt, it being an equal distribution state and all!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> The getting the papers from the court itself seems like a better option to me acutally - and seeing as how in this state you can't file for divorce for a year and a day (in my case that would be 9/24/13 -ha! the day before our 3 year marriage anniversary) and the fact that I work litterally 5 minutes from the court house doesn't really seem like a big inconvenience for me time or effort wise.


 I never understood some of the laws. A divorce is hard enough to get through and it seems the Govt wants to make it harder on couples by having so much red tape, legal briefs, wait periods etc. Its kind of like they want to stress people out more and cause them to hate each other. :scratchhead:

On the other hand in most places you can file and get married in a day. Should require marriage classes and other Pre-therapy sessions to get a marriage license then maybe we wouldn't have so many divorces.

In my case I called around for lawyers and though they told me the price per hour (outlandish) I requested a rough estimate of the whole thing. Found the lowest price and me and the wife sat down and within 15-30 minutes gave our info. Came back later and each signed it and now its already submitted to the court. Almost too easy.

I'm not sure why you would have to put down a retainer if its not contested and both spouses agree on everything. Usually you just pay a small fee to the court to submit the papers and the judge signs it after the waiting period. Unless of course something is contested and it goes to court.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I never understood some of the laws. A divorce is hard enough to get through and it seems the Govt wants to make it harder on couples by having so much red tape, legal briefs, wait periods etc. Its kind of like they want to stress people out more and cause them to hate each other. :scratchhead:
> 
> On the other hand in most places you can file and get married in a day. Should require marriage classes and other Pre-therapy sessions to get a marriage license then maybe we wouldn't have so many divorces.


Exactly!!! On both counts!!!

Like I said, here you gotta wait 366 days to divorce - but I can damn sure as heck go down to that courthouse, get a marriage license any day (with no blood work, pre marriage classes, nada at all) and be married that same afternoon!!!!:wtf:


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Exactly!!! On both counts!!!
> 
> Like I said, here you gotta wait 366 days to divorce - but I can damn sure as heck go down to that courthouse, get a marriage license any day (with no blood work, pre marriage classes, nada at all) and be married that same afternoon!!!!:wtf:


It is 366 days to divorce so the attorneys make money.

Stop being nice to him.

And you can try the forms but using an attorney is a safer way to D knowing the process will be one correctly.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> It is 366 days to divorce so the attorneys make money.
> 
> Stop being nice to him.
> 
> And you can try the forms but using an attorney is a safer way to D knowing the process will be one correctly.


1) I agree

2) I will (learnt/learning my lesson the hard way)

3) I agree again


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Urgh... slightly frustrated this morning...

So STBXH was supposed to contact me Tuesday evening to go over some stuff with the LS agreement - never heard from him.

So I text him yesterday reminding him to which he replies that he was at work at that moment but would call me later to go over it - never heard from him again. Am I suprised, no.

I once read on here about X's to "not trust anything they say and to only trust about 70% of their actions" and this just keeps going thru my head... so what's it mean when he pretty much lies to me in our convos then proceeds to do nothing??? That he's a big immature man-child???

I'm frustrated because one of the reasons STBXH gave me for him needing space was so he "could man up and take care of his responsilbilities" well - he's obviously gotten nowhere in that department!

But on the bright side of things I am getting to go out with a really nice guy tonight (NOT a date - just hanging out with a friend) for some sushi and drinks and talk (which will be totally different than the STBXH sitting across from me at a restaurant with his head shoved up his iPhone's a$$ that I've become accustomed to over the last 10 years) so I am excited for that!!!:smthumbup:


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

EE

Going out with a friend is cool but keep it friends for now.

Nothing wrong with it helping the self esteem but keep it friends until the wounds are healed.

Finish your business with the man child. Yes his head is up his butt. No new news there!!!

And a word of advice for tonight???

-Keep the conversation light.
-Do not let your pending breakup be the main point of conversation.
-Keep it friendly and keep being the standup, strong mature -woman you have displayed on TAM.

That way you can have some fun and really laugh for a change.

Enjoy your sushi!


HM64


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> EE
> 
> Going out with a friend is cool but keep it friends for now.
> 
> ...


Thanks, HM64 for the advice and the compliment! I appreciate it!

Don't worry - nothing but friends right now - and for a long long time!!!

Honestly, even the thought of a relationship with anyone scares the poo outta me right now. I have a lot of things/issues I need to work thru with myself right now to become a better person for myself.

I've known this guy for a while - we work in the same industry so that's how we met and that'll give us some stuff to talk about. Plus he knows whats going on with me and man-child so he knows to stay away from that subject!

I'll admit I am scared that I'll go off on some crazy rant about the man-child esp after the update I'm about to post but I believe I can make the conscious desicion not to let man-child ruin my night - all thoughts of him will be set aside.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Sent an email to man-child this morning saying what info I needed from him for the LS...

He called me shortly after saying I could've just told him I needed to talk to him!!!??? WTF??? I did that! Which of course, I told him I had then he was all "oh... must've slipped my mind..." Yeah, ya think???

Anyways, I told him I said all I needed in the email which was about getting a list together of all the property he was keeping and listing the current value of those things which he was cool with at first. In the email I also told him it would be easier just to generate something rather than having a lawyer do it due to the expense of the lawyer and both of us being responsible for 1/2 the cost - at that he balked saying he couldn't afford to pay for a lawyer so I explained our other options of drafting something and having it notorized. He seemed cool with that. I then told him that was all I needed. Well, he then started getting all defensive saying repeatedly that he didn't see a need for the LS anyways, that he had no intention of screwing me over. I informed him that this is something I want to protect myself and to make sure he didn't come after me at a later date for alimony or spousal support. He kept saying there is no need for the LS that he wouldn't screw me over and I just lost my temper. I didn't yell or anything like that I just told him that I no longer trust him nor do I know who he is anymore or what he's capable of. To which he started saying that he's never screwed me over... wrong thing for him to say at that moment. I then replied by telling him he screwed me over in our marriage by leaving me and running into the arms of posOW (should be posOG since she's almost 10 years younger than him). I should have just hung up on him a long time before hand but I foolishly let him get the better of me. After a bit more bickering I calmy told him that the LS is something that I want and to please get me the info asap. He said we would, just not tonight as he had to go over to his mother's (I think this is BS, he's supposedly been over to his mom's 3x in the last week, a place he NEVER wanted to go while we were married cause his family is all drama - but you know, whatevs, his social calander is no longer my concern) but he would try to get to it this weekend. I told him thank you and hung up.

This exchange was a few hours ago, I've calmed down considerably since then. I know I need to get my focus off of him but at the same time I just keep asking myself "where does this dude get off?"  

I want to move on - I'm trying to move on - there is no hope for any kind of R as long as he has any contact with posOG (whom I don't see him giving up - and whom it seems he's isolated himself with) so why can't he just have the common decency to give me what I want and go away???


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

:birthday:

So the above is totally me this morning - minus the whole birthday part cause it's not my birthday (we really need some partying smilies!!!) - but I feel like celebrating and having me a nice slice of cake too cause STBXH finally conceeded to letting me have the separation agreement I want!!!

:smthumbup: x's like a million!!!!!!

So we did decide to forgoe the lawyer since neither of us have the money for one right now (and having no children and only a couple assests aquired since marriage) and instead are going with a document I've gotten of the net... today I will work on filling it out during my down time at work - I just need STBXH to give me a time when he's free to be able to meet and get it notarized!!!!

I am so stoked right now - you don't even know!!!

You know, I had hoped for an R in the beginning but I have since realized that was only due to my own codependency upon him. I've spent the last 7 weeks stepping back from the situation (with a lot of help coming from you folks here, advice given to me and your own stories - THANK YOU!!! as well as books and a ton of innner contemplation) and seeing it for what it really is.

I have been unhappy in my marriage for a long time. I think now that I was unhappy before we even got married but I foolishly hoped that the marriage would fix things. Well, we all know how that went! So yeah, that was very stupid of me.

I gave my life, my love and my all to someone who was unwilling to do the same. I expected him to change, to become the H I thought he should/could be but I have since learned that you can not change anyone except yourself. A person has to change because they want to and that is something that my STBXH is unwilling to do.

I often felt slighted in our relationship, felt that I was putting in my 100% while he failed to even clock in for years. I thought that if I gave a little bit more, made things a little bit easier for him that things would click for him but they never did. I also realize that that is not my fault - his own happiness starts with himself - not me.

I realize now that we have entirely different veiws as of how to approach/handle life - views that can never be compromised - and that's ok. It's better we both accept that now while we're still relatively young than for it have happened much later in life after we had gone thru more unnecessary suffering.

I did a horrible thing to our relationship way before we were married and I own that but I have forgiven myself for it - I hope one day STBXH can find it in his heart to forgive me too as it is evident that despite what he has said that he never has forgiven me.

He did (continues to do) a horrible thing during our marriage, something that he refuses to admit but cannot be denied. I now work on the task of forgiving him for that as well.

Life is too short to spend it unhappy. Life is too short to settle for someone who is not going to love, treat or respect you for the awesome chick/dude that you are. I want to live life to the fullest, with or without someone - but if I do find that someone I will take the lessons I had learned from this dying relationship and use them to help me be a better person for myself and whom ever I might end up being with in the future - to be able to have the happiness I know I deserve.

I'd would be lying if I said that this complete turn around I have done in the last seven weeks doesn't scare me. It does. But I think it's a good thing. 

I used to have a take no sh!t attitude. I used to be vivacious, I used to grab life by the ba!!s and settle for nothing or no one. Over the past 10 years that girl I used to be became lost - or maybe she went into hibernation - either way I've missed that girl for such a long time. But I feel her - she's coming back!!! She's stretching her legs and dusting off the cobwebs - I feel myself becoming "me" again and I am so so so happy.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

You are getting back in touch with yourself and realizing only "You" can make yourself happy.

As the old you returns we call the new you Eternal Embrace 2.0!!!


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

I'm happy for you, sweet girl!

Can't wait to get on your level!


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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

EE,

I just finished reading your painful story, and it brings to mind all the emotions and drama I got through but never thought I would. My heart goes out to you.

If I may, though, I'd like to throw in my two cents and let you know what finally turned things around for me.

Practicing the wisdom of restraint works wonders but requires a lot of self-control. And doing things to get a reaction is very obvious to one's spouse.

He is getting what his ego wants/needs from OW and drama and anger from you. He needs to feel that he misses you, and he seems to be avoiding you, so...

It is easy for OW to be glowing in the light when he tells her all that you're doing and saying. She feels she's winning and probably commenting along the way. Argh!

Your spouse may seem less attractive to her when you let go and give up the fight. Happens all the time.

This is not necessarily the end. My husband returned when I finally let go and gave the impression that I had someone else that could become more than a friend but that I was taking it slowly. Sushi guy? 

So try to be calm and go about your life. Be a bit of a mystery. Don't say too much. You may be over him, but you'll have your dignity.


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Foolmeonce - interesting advice, thanks for sharing. 

Eternal - I'm so happy that you are doing so well. Keep us updated on your journey


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> You are getting back in touch with yourself and realizing only "You" can make yourself happy.
> 
> As the old you returns we call the new you Eternal Embrace 2.0!!!


Yes, getting back in touch with myself is a beautiful thing!

And if I could change my screen name to EE 2.0 - I totally would!!!:smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> I'm happy for you, sweet girl!
> 
> Can't wait to get on your level!


Awww, thanks baby!!!

And don't worry, you will one day if that's what you choose. Everyone has their own path that they take at their own speed and I promise you will find yours darlin'.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Honestly, even the thought of a relationship with anyone scares the poo outta me right now. I have a lot of things/issues I need to work thru with myself right now to become a better person for myself.


:iagree:

Glad I'm not alone there. Scares the Bejeezus out of me.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

FoolMeOnce said:


> EE,
> 
> I just finished reading your painful story, and it brings to mind all the emotions and drama I got through but never thought I would. My heart goes out to you.


Thank you - I do appreciate that.



FoolMeOnce said:


> Practicing the wisdom of restraint works wonders but requires a lot of self-control. And doing things to get a reaction is very obvious to one's spouse.


Very wise words. But I hope you don't think what I'm doing is to get a reaction outta him - what I've done I have done out of a desire for myself to let go and heal. 

The letters I wrote him in the beginning - yes, I was looking for a reaction/return from him and I got nothing. It hurt but I accepted it and decided to move on from there. I had a couple setbacks but moving on is the path I want to follow.



FoolMeOnce said:


> He is getting what his ego wants/needs from OW and drama and anger from you. He needs to feel that he misses you, and he seems to be avoiding you, so...
> 
> It is easy for OW to be glowing in the light when he tells her all that you're doing and saying. She feels she's winning and probably commenting along the way. Argh!


:iagree: I couldn't have put it better myself. I really try to take the high road in all of this but the drama/anger does come out from time to time - like last Friday for instance or when first found his car outside her house. But please understand it came mostly from frustration with him for not wanting to have a separation agreement (well, not the time i stuck the key to his windshield - that was done out of afnger and pain). I truely do not know the man he has become - this new man he is is not the man I shared 10 years with - so I feel I don't know what this new man is capable of (cause I would've bet good money the man I knew would've have never pulled the antics he is currently pulling) and therefore I want to protect myself in case the new STBXH decides later on down the line that he wants nothing more than to take me to the cleaners.

And I am sure posOW is just totally basking in all this - but that/she is no longer my concern. She can have him. I see it as his loss and not mine. I'd rather have nothing with STBXH than settle for less.



FoolMeOnce said:


> Your spouse may seem less attractive to her when you let go and give up the fight. Happens all the time.


:iagree: with you again! And I will put good money on that statement! From what others have told me (including her XBF) she is a major drama queen/pot stirrer/attention wh*re - but again, she is no longer my concern. Nor is STBXH really. They've chosen their path and I truely do wish them luck (honestly, that is in no way went to be sarcastic). My focus is on me and what I need/deserve to make me happy.



FoolMeOnce said:


> This is not necessarily the end. My husband returned when I finally let go and gave the impression that I had someone else that could become more than a friend but that I was taking it slowly. Sushi guy?


I'm very glad things worked out for you and your H - that's not something I hear a lot of. But see, I really believe this is the end for me and mine. I don't think I would feel right with an R just because he might get scared knowing about Sushi guy (who _really_ is just a friend, I won't lie - Sushi guy would be an excellent person to be with but even then that would be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down the road). I guess in my mind I see it as STBXH let me go and as much as it hurt at the time I believe in the long run it is for the better. Being removed from our relationship allowed me to step back and realize all the faults (for lack of a better word at the moment) in our relationship. I mean, not only what he's done or what I've done but it has allowed me to see that we both have changed, we both want different things/types of people in our lives that neither of us can provide/be for the other. That's what I focus on now - and it doesn't hurt, I accept it and am glad to be given the opportunity to start with a new clean slate. We might have been meant to be at one point and time but that was long ago and not who we are anymore.



FoolMeOnce said:


> So try to be calm and go about your life. Be a bit of a mystery. Don't say too much. You may be over him, but you'll have your dignity.


I will. Thank you for all of your insight, I really do appreciate it. It always means a lot to me for someone to take time from their day to weigh in and give me their advice - thank you!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

lostinspaces said:


> Foolmeonce - interesting advice, thanks for sharing.
> 
> Eternal - I'm so happy that you are doing so well. Keep us updated on your journey


Thank you Lost! And don't worry - I plan on keeping you all apprised of my goings on!!!:smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Glad I'm not alone there. Scares the Bejeezus out of me.


Of course you're not alone in that! I bet there are tons of people in our situations that feel the exact same honey!

I think the thing to focus on thou is to not let that fear overcome you - one day we're gonna have to step out of our cocoons and get back in the groove... one day...


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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

Did you say something about STBXH taking a large cash advance? I thought I saw that in a post, but I can't find it now. If so, why is he broke so soon after?

BEWARE! The interest rate on those is exorbitant! All the more reason for you to get some legal paperwork going. Don't let him smooth talk you out of that.

He thinks he has you wrapped around his finger still because you are a loving, giving and sweet person.

Please, please DO NOT feel sorry for him and give him money. In fact I wouldn't feel sorry for him if his workplace had washed away completely! Had he stuck with you, you could weather any storm together.

And btw you weren't married when you had an "affair."  No vows were broken.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

FoolMeOnce said:


> Did you say something about STBXH taking a large cash advance? I thought I saw that in a post, but I can't find it now. If so, why is he broke so soon after?
> 
> BEWARE! The interest rate on those is exorbitant! All the more reason for you to get some legal paperwork going. Don't let him smooth talk you out of that.


He did get cash advances - but they were from me out of my personal bank account. Thank you for worrying thou. I am still worried about not getting my cash paid back but at least I don't have to worry about any rising interest rates going along with that.

He's always broke! He was never responsible with money - he spent it as quick as it came in. Plus he never had any ambition and just took whatever jobs he could to "just get by". He has no savings - no nothing!



FoolMeOnce said:


> He thinks he has you wrapped around his finger still because you are a loving, giving and sweet person.


You hit the nail on the head, sweetheart! He did think that a couple months ago - I'm sure his attitude has changed since then thou. See, when you said before that he's avaoiding me (which you are right on that count) I think it's for 2 reasons: 1) He doesn't want the separation agreement at all so he chooses not to deal with it if he can so he can continue to string me along and keep me as his plan B 2) he's starting to realize that I am no longer wrapped around his finger and that he's gonna have to face the music and deal with this situation - which is something he does not like to do - he's always been one to run away from confrontation of any kind.



FoolMeOnce said:


> Please, please DO NOT feel sorry for him and give him money. In fact I wouldn't feel sorry for him if his workplace had washed away completely! Had he stuck with you, you could weather any storm together.


:rofl: Thank you! I try not to feel bad about his work getting flooded but that sorrow is more from growing up on a barrier island and the unity you feel with the people who live on the island - we all really band together when bad things such as hurricanes come and we help and support each other. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'd feel the same sorrow for Joe Blow who I don't know if his work washed away, too. But mark my word, I only feel but so bad for STBXH cause he has another job that he's still able to work at currently!



FoolMeOnce said:


> And btw you weren't married when you had an "affair." No vows were broken.


Thank you, again. I tell myself the same thing many many times but for now I still harbor some regret over my actions - like I said, I've forgiven/working on forgiving myself for those actions every day.


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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

Could we be married to the same guy?

He's going to cycle back through to you, I'm pretty sure. My H went through three rebounds (rarely successful relationships, btw) in eight months before cycling back to me. If not for a young child involved, he'd be in my rearview mirror.

Good for you! Sounds like you're coming from a place of strength, the best of all the scattered emotions. You'll change from day to day unless you've actually hit the point of no return. That's what we ladies do 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

FoolMeOnce said:


> Could we be married to the same guy?


Could be! I've read on various threads here what seem to be the descriptions of what might be my STBXH's long lost and unknown twins!!!



FoolMeOnce said:


> He's going to cycle back through to you, I'm pretty sure. My H went through three rebounds (rarely successful relationships, btw) in eight months before cycling back to me. If not for a young child involved, he'd be in my rearview mirror.


Other people have told me the same thing and it could happen - I really doubt it thou as my STBXH is probably the most self righteous SOB I've ever met so...



FoolMeOnce said:


> Good for you! Sounds like you're coming from a place of strength, the best of all the scattered emotions. You'll change from day to day unless you've actually hit the point of no return. That's what we ladies do
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks! I'm trying!!! I think I am very close to the point of no return if not already there - the mere thought of STBXH pretty much just makes me sick!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, got the LS papers all filled out nice and pretty - now need to get with STBXH to look over it and make sure he's cool with everything...

Was hoping to be able to meet him last night as I want to get this thing put to bed asap but was told he was going out of town on a "job" yesterday afternoon and returning Monday or Tuesday... odd, he's never gone out of town on a job before but at the same time - whatevs!

After he ok's everything I just need to schedule an appointment with the notary and we are good to go!

Wish I could've gotten everything done this week but I guess one more week won't kill me... I hope!

I will say I am ready for the weekend thou - it's been a long, depressing and stressful week at work and I am ready for it to be sooooo over!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> I will say I am ready for the weekend thou - it's been a long, depressing and stressful week at work and I am ready for it to be sooooo over!!!


 You and me both. Try and treat yourself to something nice and enjoy the weekend!

Hopefully soon this will all be behind you. :smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> You and me both. Try and treat yourself to something nice and enjoy the weekend!
> 
> Hopefully soon this will all be behind you. :smthumbup:


Thanks, NW!

I did have a good weekend! Other than the crazy power outage that had our whole island on blackout Friday night (so weird, we didn't lose power once during Hurricane Sandy or the subsequent nor'easter but we lose power on a regular ol' Friday night???) I spent it hanging out with friends, catching up with out of town friends on the phone and doing a little cold weather clothes shopping - somehow a nice pair of knee high boots on sale always seems to perk me up!

But alas, it's back to work today and it already seems like it's gonna be another long and depressing week at work... the kind of week that just drags out so slowly... well, here's to watching the minutes tick by!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> somehow a nice pair of knee high boots on sale always seems to perk me up!
> 
> But alas, it's back to work today and it already seems like it's gonna be another long and depressing week at work... the kind of week that just drags out so slowly... well, here's to watching the minutes tick by!!!


 Nothing sexier then knee high boots :smthumbup:

I know what you mean about work. Another long week that will seem to drag on. At least it helps keep your mind off things. I'm actually terrified of the week after. I'm off all week and it will be hard to keep myself busy that long. I know I need to find stuff to do and places to go to meet people, but have no clue where to start. I'll probably just end up sitting around with the puppies cleaning stuff over and over like this previous weekend.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Nothing sexier then knee high boots :smthumbup:


My sentiments exactly!!!



NoWhere said:


> I know what you mean about work. Another long week that will seem to drag on. At least it helps keep your mind off things. I'm actually terrified of the week after. I'm off all week and it will be hard to keep myself busy that long. I know I need to find stuff to do and places to go to meet people, but have no clue where to start. I'll probably just end up sitting around with the puppies cleaning stuff over and over like this previous weekend.


Idk how it is where you live but on my tiny island we have a website that details goings on in the community - like activites/get togethers during the day and special happenings at night... I figure if this tiny community has one yours might as well - that is unless you live in the sticks or something... (and I'm not knocking the sticks - I love me some peace and quiet, too!)


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Let's see the boots!

I'm a shoe wh0re.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> Let's see the boots!
> 
> I'm a shoe wh0re.


Haha!!! I'm not wearing them today - but tonight maybe I'll take a pic and grace ya'll with their presence!!!

I love the shoe wh0re comment - I call myself a boot wh0re!!!:smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

Today is gonna be a good day folks!!! Hell - if all goes as planned it's gonna be a great freakin' week!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I can barely contain my excitment!!!!

STBXH is back in town and we're meeting tonight to go over the LS agreement!!!!! (Picture me dancing at my desk while I'm typing this cause that is sooooo exactly what I'm doing!!!!!)

Also, I spoke with our bank and they will have 2 notaries on duty the rest of the week so we are more than welcome to come in and get our LS sgreement notarized!!!!

So, fingers crossed, by the end of this week I'll be a mostly free woman!!!! Hells yeah!!!!! I say mostly free since there's still the whole pesky edivorce thing to file next fall but on that day friends - there will be margaritas for all - my treat - you just gotta come to the island!!!!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> :smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:
> 
> Today is gonna be a good day folks!!! Hell - if all goes as planned it's gonna be a great freakin' week!!!!!
> 
> ...


EI

The islands sounds nice when there are no hurricanes around.

The drinks sound better.

Keep moving forward and be the better spouse as usual, calm, collective around him.

That let's him know you are in control. Less BS that way.

Good Luck

HM64


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> EI
> 
> The islands sounds nice when there are no hurricanes around.
> 
> ...


Thanks HM64!

They are quite nice minus hurricanes!!! And I have to agree with you on the margaritas as well!

Don't worry - I will maintain my composure this evening - I got all my happy dancing out on here anyways!


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Thanks HM64!
> 
> They are quite nice minus hurricanes!!! And I have to agree with you on the margaritas as well!
> 
> Don't worry - I will maintain my composure this evening - I got all my happy dancing out on here anyways!


You must update, afterwards.

I'm anxious FOR YOU! :rofl:


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I wish I could sit on the beach right now and have a few drinks.


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I wish I could sit on the beach right now and have a few drinks.


Come pick me up, Friday, NW. 

We'll go to EE's island for the weekend.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Don't tempt me


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> Come pick me up, Friday, NW.
> 
> We'll go to EE's island for the weekend.


Come on down ya'll!!!:smthumbup:

I will warn thou - you'd like it more in the spring/summer when it's warmer... these north winds this time of year chill you to the bone!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

So skinny dipping in the ocean is completely out then correct? 
I wouldn't ask, but when alcohol is involved..


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> So skinny dipping in the ocean is completely out then correct?
> I wouldn't ask, but when alcohol is involved..


:rofl:

Well that all depends on the amount of alcohol consumed!

In my younger days I was known to down a 12 pack and hop right in in the middle of the winter!!! Hey - after all that beer I felt pretty warm!!!

Oh to be young again...


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> :
> 
> Oh to be young again...


 You and me both. Though we are young at heart and that is all that matters. Minus of course the flawless perfect bodies like people in their early 20's. Ok now I feel old again. :scratchhead:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> You and me both. Though we are young at heart and that is all that matters. Minus of course the flawless perfect bodies like people in their early 20's. Ok now I feel old again. :scratchhead:


I really shouldn't complain - I'm only 30 and aren't you about that age, too?

I hear ya on the young flawless bodies thou I must say this whole separation thing and the stress it's caused has lost me about 12 pounds - so I guess there is some sort of silver lining!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> I really shouldn't complain - I'm only 30 and aren't you about that age, too?
> 
> I hear ya on the young flawless bodies thou I must say this whole separation thing and the stress it's caused has lost me about 12 pounds - so I guess there is some sort of silver lining!


 Maybe we should market a new weight loss plan. Get dumped and divorced. Lose weight!!! 

And no I'm a little bit older then 30. Not saying how much more. I know after a certain age pimps tend to dump the old ones for fresh ones and I need the work


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Maybe we should market a new weight loss plan. Get dumped and divorced. Lose weight!!!
> 
> And no I'm a little bit older then 30. Not saying how much more. I know after a certain age pimps tend to dump the old ones for fresh ones and I need the work


:rofl: on both points!!!

Don't worry - as long as you produce dollar bills I won't replace you!!!


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

You're right about going through a separation/divorce. I lost about 10 pounds through my separation. Silver lining is im going to the gym more and my 6 pack is coming along nicely


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

legiox said:


> Silver lining is im going to the gym more and my 6 pack is coming along nicely


 I wanted to do that too, but they wouldn't let me drink beer in the gym. So I had to leave the 6 pack outside in the car. Bummer!


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I wanted to do that too, but they wouldn't let me drink beer in the gym. So I had to leave the 6 pack outside in the car. Bummer!


:rofl:

The beer goes in your sports bottle, NW.

Gah...you're a rookie!

Haha.


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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

EE 2.0,

I'm happy for you that you seem to be in good spirits. Have you two met up yet?

I hope you wore your new boots and subtly looked smokin' hot!

How about a visit to one of your long-distance friends and then having them come visit you? Make sure to have him stop by to say hi to them and serve him up a glass of champagne. Do this!

Even if you're done, he has to see what he's missing.

In three months his new relationship will start showing true colors. She's very young and no doubt acts it.

Good thing he had a job out of town for a few days; hopefully now he will be able to pay you some money. And hopefully he gets himself together. He probably feels he's not good enough for you, and he's probably right!

Hang in there, sista girl! You can do this.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

FoolMeOnce said:


> EE 2.0,
> 
> I'm happy for you that you seem to be in good spirits. Have you two met up yet?
> 
> I hope you wore your new boots and subtly looked smokin' hot!


We did meet up - he was late meeting me at his house and get this! He rolls up driving posOG's car! But that was a good thing - seeing that didn't even make me mad, at all! Instead - I laughed! I take that as a very good sign!

Alas, I didn't wear my new boots but I did wear a pair of flat knee high boots that are new to him - I looked good, I assure you! He was also extremely envious of my new leather/greaser motorcycle jacket telling me how awesome it was and how he wished he had one - my response? "I know."



FoolMeOnce said:


> How about a visit to one of your long-distance friends and then having them come visit you? Make sure to have him stop by to say hi to them and serve him up a glass of champagne. Do this!


I would but... my girlfriends are the _feircely_ loyal type and each one of them would like nothing more than to tear him a new one, cut him up into little pieces then dispose of the remains in a crab pot! I keep telling them he's not worth good bail money!!!:rofl: Gotta love your girls thou!!!



FoolMeOnce said:


> Even if you're done, he has to see what he's missing.
> 
> In three months his new relationship will start showing true colors. She's very young and no doubt acts it.


In a way, albeit some small way, I think he's already starting to see that - thou I doubt he'd ever admit it. But then again, that may be his guilt - I'll expand in my next post detailing the meeting.



FoolMeOnce said:


> Good thing he had a job out of town for a few days; hopefully now he will be able to pay you some money. And hopefully he gets himself together. He probably feels he's not good enough for you, and he's probably right!


Ha! Yeah, thats what I thought, too - but he's still broke as a joke! He says he should have some $ for me by Friday but I'll believe it when the cash is in hand!!!



FoolMeOnce said:


> Hang in there, sista girl! You can do this.


Thanks, girlie! I really appreciate it!!!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Ok, so last night...

As I mentioned to FMO, STBXH was late meeting me at his house and when he did arrive he rolls up driving posOG's car. As I also stated I was in a way pretty stoked about that because 2 months ago had I seen this it would have tore my heart out and wrecked me to pieces - but last night... nope! I was laughing my butt off before I got outta my car (good thing it was dark and my windows are heavily tinted)!

Seeing him didn't even bother me one bit. Didn't make me ache or anything. I am more in the mindset I guess to just get this over with. This was the first time I'd seen him in 3 weeks and the time apart continues to do me wonders - it makes/lets me know that I am just fine without him, better even. I don't have the stress of taking care/bailing him out of anything or wondering if he's gonna come home at night - it's a truely wonderful thing to know that what he does no longer concerns me at all.

We went in his house and his roomate was suprised to see him - I've been told by numerous people (NOTE: I have not asked anyone to keep tabs on them and have told preople repeatedly that I do not care in the least what he's doing but these people seem to feel the need to report back to me...) he doesn't stay at his house at all barely. Oh, well, hope posOG is keeping him warm!:rofl:

Went into his room and broke out a copy of the agreement for him to review. Told him to read it slowly and carefully and let me know of anything he didn't agree with. He went over - not very slowly or very carefully... I don't mean this like I hid something in there to screw him over I mean this more in the way that if it was me I would've taken my sweet time and digested it all.

The only thing he seemed to get a hair up his butt about was a part saying that the money he owes me must be repaid my 9/24/13. Two things: the LS agreement supersedes any previous agreements we have in place, essentially that means it renders our payment agreement null and void. Well he mentioned at least 3 times that I could only enforce the payment agreement if we were to get divorced. This struck we as odd, his words "if we get a divorce." (Ummm, hey buddy, I want a divorce, duh!!!!!) To which I told him each time he said this "yes, but I would like the money repaid by 9/24/13 because that is the day I WILL be filing for divorce and I'd rather not have to take you to small claims court."

He doesn't have to work today so we're hopefully supposed to meet at the bank sometime this afternoon to get everything notarized. Not sure what time as he's supposed to go pick up his car from his mother's house 70 miles away today and he's not sure when he'll get back - but promised he'd call on his way back into town.

We talked some, I was cool, calm and even pleasant! I was very proud of myself!! He kept admiring my new motorcycle jacket saying how much he liked it and asking where I got it. I knew he'd drool over it - that's why I wore it!!! Ha!:rofl:

I then proceeded to collect some CD's and DVD's I'd left there, he got me a bag to put em in and insisted I double bag it, calling me "babe" which I know was a slip up. He kept pointing out movies he thought I should take and counldn't understand why I left them. Same with cd's - some were missing from their cases and he kept saying he'd search around the house for them. He also got together some books I'd left and offered to drop them by my house tonight (I told him I had some stuff going on and wouldn't be home - a lie but my fam def does not want him anywhere on their property at the moment) so he said he'd try to remember to bring them when we met today.

He spoke to me a lot about his family, they've always been pretty screwed up and always have mad drama going on so he gave me all the latest updates. I mentioned nothing of my goings on thou. 

He walked me to my car and insisted on carrying my bag of goodies then talked a while about the job he went out of town for and his other flooded out job and the repairs the company was having to do to get it opened back up. I finished my cigarette, got in my car and told him not to forget to call me on his way back into town today and carried my little butt home.

Overall I am very pleased with how things went down. Like I said, seeing him had pretty much no effect on me. I will admit I had a little pang there but that was more for the man I thought he used to be - and still, even that didn't last too long.

My only problem after that was getting to sleep last night... I swear I felt like a kid on Xmas eve waiting for Santa!!! Knowing/hoping today I will get the present of a notarized LS which I want sooooo much!!!! :smthumbup:


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

That is one thing I won't miss. Sitting up wondering if my wife was going to come home each night. No matter how upset and angry I would get everytime a car light would hit my front windows I would jump up all happy thinking she was finally home! Only to find out it was someone turning around or just rounding the block.

Of course I know now she was shacking up with her boyfriend. Oh I'm sorry I mean he's just a guy friend that she ran to every night and sat on the phone for 4-5 hours every night when she was home. Nope nothing going on there. :liar:

Anyway sorry for making this about me. Yet again. I'm extremely happy for you EE. It sounds like it couldn't of gone any better without him dropping to his knees and begging for you to take him back. If that happens you better whip out the phone and video it. Would make a great Youtube video!!


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

That is awesome. Good for you. I am glad that you are starting to detach more from him. It must be a nice feeling not caring about what he thinks, does or says. Soon I will be there. Now I have to find some article of clothing that will make her upset.......


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Hermes said:


> Now I have to find some article of clothing that will make her upset.......


 I thought the same thing when I read that. Its easier I think for a women to dress sexy then a man. That could just be my utter lack of fashion sense speaking there.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> That is one thing I won't miss. Sitting up wondering if my wife was going to come home each night. No matter how upset and angry I would get everytime a car light would hit my front windows I would jump up all happy thinking she was finally home! Only to find out it was someone turning around or just rounding the block.
> 
> Of course I know now she was shacking up with her boyfriend. Oh I'm sorry I mean he's just a guy friend that she ran to every night and sat on the phone for 4-5 hours every night when she was home. Nope nothing going on there. :liar:
> 
> Anyway sorry for making this about me. Yet again.


Not at all!!! Absolutely no worries, my darlin'! We're all here to help each other and lend an ear to the venting.

Actually I identified very much with what you wrote above - that was me, too. One time I even woke up at 6am to find him not home but he had told me the nieghborhood he was gonna be hanging out in the night before when he left and was supposed to return in a "couple hours" - I actually got in the car, still in pj's with pug in arms and drove around that neighborhood for 2 hours trying to find him, calling him, texting him - worried something bad had happened to him - I'd even called the jail and the hospital. He finally picked up my call when I was heading home and had the nerve to yell and scream at me for trying to find him and "blowing up his phone." I now pretty much know he wasn't in that neighborhood but more likely had stayed at posOG's house... And all the times in the months before I left that he'd not come to bed and fell asleep on the couch because he was "reading some interesting articles on his iPhone and just passed out" I now know those interesting articles were the HUNDREDS of texts he and posOG were exchanging nightly after I went to bed.

You're totally right - those are things I will NEVER miss!!!



NoWhere said:


> I'm extremely happy for you EE. It sounds like it couldn't of gone any better without him dropping to his knees and begging for you to take him back. If that happens you better whip out the phone and video it. Would make a great Youtube video!!


Thank you so much, honey!!! 

And when/if the day of him dropping to his knees does come (I'm soooo not holding my breath on that one thou!!!) I promise to video it and make sure you're the first one I send the link to!!!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> That is awesome. Good for you. I am glad that you are starting to detach more from him. It must be a nice feeling not caring about what he thinks, does or says. Soon I will be there. Now I have to find some article of clothing that will make her upset.......


Thank you!

It is quite nice. I'll tell you what helped me get there - it was something I saw Conrad post somewhere, or maybe it was my Mickey who posted it here, about trusting nothing that the STBX said and then only trusting about 70% (maybe even less) of their actions - as actions speak louder than words.

So I figure why get myself all bent about about the actions and words of a liar? It's not worth it!!!

As far as finding that article of clothing - I'm availble for hire as a shopping assistant as well - that's goes for you, too, NW!!!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Ahh EE

You have such a refreshing new ocean breeze about you.

It sweeps out the old stale air and brings in the new fresh sea air.

And yes your Ex does belong in a crab pot because the dude cannot even equal you financially and pay you what he owes you.

I only have one more suggestion you to go with your new life and kick ass wardrobe.

Ready for it.....


*Quit smoking.* You are too young and it will save you a small fortune as well as your health and looks down the road.

Do I sound like I have 3 daughters now???:rofl:

Have a great day and keep the new outlook on life. It suits you.

HM64


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

I'm stoked for you, darlin'! 

I'll bet his mind was wandering something FIERCE, today, on that 70-mile ride.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Actually I identified very much with what you wrote above - that was me, too. One time I even woke up at 6am to find him not home but he had told me the nieghborhood he was gonna be hanging out in the night before when he left and was supposed to return in a "couple hours"


 Well after my wife got her DUI she only would come home at about 6am so she could get ready for work. her excuse was she didn't want to drive drunk. Also every night she left to go out she would say "I promise I'm not going to be out late tonight" Usually followed by "I love you" and "You're such a great guy for letting me go out without complaining"...

As far as your guys reaction to any sexy outfits you wear, Like leather jackets and high heel boots. In order to gauge how effective they are I will need high resolution pictures to carefully examine and study. I'm also good at rating lingerie for women. Which is a service I will provide free of charge


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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I thought the same thing when I read that. Its easier I think for a women to dress sexy then a man. That could just be my utter lack of fashion sense speaking there.


NW - Small changes are all that's necessary. Like how about a new hairstyle and that scruffy look the guys are wearing. That and a couple new pairs of jeans and a couple new style of shirt goes a loooong way. Not suggesting you be something you're not, but maybe re-invent yourself. Be the new you. Let the yourself and the rest see the new, improved version! Sexy confidence!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I need all of that. I probably need a Stylist maker over person. Like I said I've never been a really good fashion person. Not to say I don't buy new clothes and like wearing them. Just not always good at picking out the right stuff. Usually things look better in the dressing room at the store then when I get home and put them on.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> *Quit smoking.* You are too young and it will save you a small fortune as well as your health and looks down the road.
> 
> Do I sound like I have 3 daughters now???:rofl:
> 
> ...


Thank you, HM64!!! 

And yes, you do sound like you have 3 daughters!!!

It's cool thou - maybe if more people hounded me to quit I'd ditch the bad habit!


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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

EE 2.0,

He's cycling back! Ten years plus is a long time. Unless he has been a serial cheater I wouldn't dismiss the thought that these are growing pains and insecurity from your tryst in the past.

He wouldn't accidentally call you "babe" if he was serious about someone else. That was not a slip. And neither was showing up in her car.o

Don't cave in! If you reconsider being over him, make him work hard to be with you. I know it's early for that advice, but I had to put it out there. Beware of the "pangs" you feel. Your indifference is challenging and attractive! They like the chase. I know this is farthest from your mind, but do not sleep with him.

Even if your BFFs are livid with him, they can still put on their "fun" face while he stops by. When he hears about your visit to them and then them coming to visit you, he will long to be a part of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> I'm stoked for you, darlin'!
> 
> I'll bet his mind was wandering something FIERCE, today, on that 70-mile ride.


I bet it was, too!

He wouldn't even look at me when we were at the notary... oh well, didn't hurt my feelings!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> It's cool thou - maybe if more people hounded me to quit I'd ditch the bad habit!


 I quit for almost 3 years until all of this happened to me. I plan to quit again. Its not easy, but once you set your mind to it nothing can stop you.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> As far as your guys reaction to any sexy outfits you wear, Like leather jackets and high heel boots. In order to gauge how effective they are I will need high resolution pictures to carefully examine and study. I'm also good at rating lingerie for women. Which is a service I will provide free of charge


:rofl:

Funny you mention the pics thou - I still owe Sweety a pic of my new boots!!!

Unfortunately for you I have yet to go lingerie shopping... I'll keep you posted thou!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Funny you mention the pics thou - I still owe Sweety a pic of my new boots!!!
> 
> Unfortunately for you I have yet to go lingerie shopping... I'll keep you posted thou!


 :rofl:

I have a feeling you would get a 10 rating for every picture. I grade on curves. oops.. I mean on a curve. Sorry possible Freudian slip there?


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

FoolMeOnce said:


> EE 2.0,
> 
> He's cycling back! Ten years plus is a long time. Unless he has been a serial cheater I wouldn't dismiss the thought that these are growing pains and insecurity from your tryst in the past.
> 
> He wouldn't accidentally call you "babe" if he was serious about someone else. That was not a slip. And neither was showing up in her car.o


He might be then again he might not. His only problem is that there is nothing for him to cycle back to!



FoolMeOnce said:


> Don't cave in! If you reconsider being over him, make him work hard to be with you. I know it's early for that advice, but I had to put it out there. Beware of the "pangs" you feel. Your indifference is challenging and attractive! They like the chase. I know this is farthest from your mind, but do not sleep with him.


Excellent advice! But do not count on me reconsidering any time soon if at all. And I assure you - there's no way in hell I'm gonna be sleeping with that him - besides, if I did it would technically void our separation agreement!



FoolMeOnce said:


> Even if your BFFs are livid with him, they can still put on their "fun" face while he stops by. When he hears about your visit to them and then them coming to visit you, he will long to be a part of it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I love my girls to death, and they would most often do anything for me - but reigning in their anger towards him would be pretty much impossible - that's just how they are. They never thought he was good enough for me to begin with and are already seriously discussing having a divorce party for me... sweet silly girls!

And as far as him visiting my friends if they came down to see me - he knows how they are too and I would be suprised if upon learning of their arrival if he didn't vacate the island immediately! He's like that - can't stand to face anyone who might possibly have a less than stellar opionion of him.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I have a feeling you would get a 10 rating for every picture. I grade on curves. oops.. I mean on a curve. Sorry possible Freudian slip there?


You're so sweet - Freudian slips and all!!!:smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

And if ya'll can't tell (plus I've been itching to type it!!!!)...

As of 3:20pm EST today - I am officially separated from my STBXH!!!:toast:


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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> He might be then again he might not. His only problem is that there is nothing for him to cycle back to!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


If your family won't let him on the property and your friends never liked him anyway, I suppose they don't want him in your life to begin with. Either they're right about him or your feelings for him didn't matter, but I'm sure they would want what makes you happy. Either way he's shut out and knows it. Sounds like you're done with his bs and on the right path to find yourself and happiness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

FoolMeOnce said:


> If your family won't let him on the property and your friends never liked him anyway, I suppose they don't want him in your life to begin with. Either they're right about him or your feelings for him didn't matter, but I'm sure they would want what makes you happy. Either way he's shut out and knows it. Sounds like you're done with his bs and on the right path to find yourself and happiness.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My friends and family just saw how I pretty much supported him emotionaly and financialy for 10 years and are pretty livid that the way he repaid me was by having an A that started one month after he married me 2 years ago and still continues to this day. 

My feelings did matter to my friends and family - they're bit their tounged until they bled after I left STBXH and they continued until they saw me getting over it and being pissed instead of sobbing - I guess then they felt safe in showing their true feelings...:scratchhead:

But yes, I am done with his BS - I tolerated it for far too long and life is too short to spend it with someone so unappreciative.

Now is my time!!!:smthumbup:


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

My friends and family loathe mine, too.

But, wait...

So, your asshat has been with posOG for almost two years?


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Thank you!
> 
> It is quite nice. I'll tell you what helped me get there - it was something I saw Conrad post somewhere, or maybe it was my Mickey who posted it here, about trusting nothing that the STBX said and then only trusting about 70% (maybe even less) of their actions - as actions speak louder than words.
> 
> ...


That is a great point! I may call you on that shopping assistant role.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> But, wait...
> 
> So, your asshat has been with posOG for almost two years?


Yup. Needless to say I felt like quite the blind idiot...

When I found the phone records right before I left I had been suspecting something for about 10 months prior - but I thought I was just being an insecure/jealous chick. Now that I know what I know I'll be trusting my BS sensor a lot more in the future.

When I confronted STBXH about the phone records his words were "I know it looks really bad, I swear it's not what you think, if it makes you feel any better we've (him and posOG) been talking like this for the last 2 years!"

Them "talking like that" well, here's ana example: in a less then 72 hour period (from a Friday evening to early the following Monday morning) they called each other 65 or so times - that same Monday morning she texted him, ho, about 30 some times in less than 3 hours!

He's never owned up to how much he hangs/hung out with her - but we live on a small island which is kinda like a double egded sword. People here can keep real good secrets when they feel they need to but now that said people have seen the sh!t hit the fan I'm just hearing all sorts of interesting stories about STBXH's and posOG's trysts.

I don't do Facebook but one of my girls does - she told me this past weekend how on STBXH's timeline he had listed our marriage 2 years back - one month later is when he friended posOG and the shenanigans began.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Eternal Embrace said:


> And if ya'll can't tell (plus I've been itching to type it!!!!)...
> 
> As of 3:20pm EST today - I am officially separated from my STBXH!!!:toast:


He and posOG now have each other.

Wait until he finds out what that really means.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> He and posOG now have each other.
> 
> Wait until he finds out what that really means.


Exactly.

And I will sit back with my bag of popcorn and enjoy the show!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Hermes said:


> That is a great point! I may call you on that shopping assistant role.


You and me both. I need a women to give me a make over!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> You and me both. I need a women to give me a make over!


Hey, there's no better time than the soon to be present!

With all the Black Firday/Xmas sales that are gonna start next week I'd be sure to find ya'll some nice threads - and most likely on sale, too!

Let me know and I'll pencil ya'll in!


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## FoolMeOnce (Oct 16, 2012)

Being a hopeless romantic, I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt. But with all that you've brought to light, I think he's a total schmuck and should be voted off the island!!!

Sushi anyone?


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

FoolMeOnce said:


> Being a hopeless romantic, I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt. But with all that you've brought to light, I think he's a total schmuck and should be voted off the island!!!
> 
> Sushi anyone?


:iagree::rofl:

I wish I could vote him off!!! Saw his dumba$$ this morning while I was getting gas, he pulled in in his work van and I just smiled, finished pumping, hopped in my car and went on my merry way!

And... I will be seeing Sushi Guy again this weekend! I'm excited... BUT don't worry - I am taking things super duper mega slow with this. It is nice thou to hang out with someone with common interests and who actually listens to (and rememebers) what I say (STBXH never did pay attention to me, sometimes in the middle of me telling him about my day or something I would just stop and he wouldn't even notice...).

It's really dissapointing when I think back on the last year with STBXH. He really had no interests in anything I did. But to be fair - nor did I with he. He would have rather me sat on the couch with him and his buddies while they played whatever PS3 game till 4 in the morning and ignore me (I am not a gamer girl - not knocking anyone who is - it's just not my cup o' tea). That was until he started going out every weekend, not inviting me along and not coming home till sometime the next morning.

Then he'd give me crap cause, well, I admit it, I'm a ******* at heart - don't let all the tattoos fool ya! I'd wanna go learn to hunt/shoot, go out on the boat, go fishing, get out and do anything... I had a motorcycle for a couple years, a small one that didn't take to the windy coast very good so I never felt comfy on and he'd give me crap about riding it. I then had the opportunity to buy a much larger bike that I did feel comfy riding but alas could not because I was scared I'd need that $ to bail him outta something else.

One of the things that pi$$ed me off the most was when he told me I spoke like a hick. I'll admit, I have a slight Hoi Toide accent - but really??? Whatevs - at least I'm not a total d!ck!!!

Ok - sorry about the rant... I just started and couldn't stop...


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

So I had a great weekend... even dispite STBXH deciding he's not gonna be making his monthly debt payment to me, but then again I wasn't suprised as it is a day ending in "y"...

Hung out with my girlfriend on Friday night, nice and pleasant with no unexpected black outs from faulty power lines!:smthumbup:

Spent Saturday morning doing my weekly running around and grocery shopping. Also started on the Xmas shopping - seems I need to jump start the Xmas shopping as the day is just around the corner... then spent the afternoon napping as my precious little pug dog found it absolutely necessary to wake me up @ 5:30am Saturday morning and refused to let me go back to sleep!

Saturday evening I went out with Sushi Guy to dinner to a nice little local restraunt that I'd heard awesome things about and was not disappointed - I love me some fried oysters!!! Went back to his place and watched some Denzel movie I'd been wanting to see but was totally let down after I did see it - guess all of Denzel's works can't be as good as fried oysters, but oh well! After the movie and some pleasant conversation I carried my little butt back home and concluded the evening with the fam and some margaritas - very yummy - and Sweety's toast!

Sunday was good - my usual lazy laundry and nail painting day where I catch up on all my DVR programs... did go to a small party for a bit at a friend's house. Had a good time and was proud of myself as going out to parties isn't something I normally do but I figured - hey, what the hell? I'm glad I did go thou - I met some nice people which is always a plus!

So, back to STBXH... Friday was supposed to be his 1st new reduced debt and car insurance payment under our newly improvised Separation Agreement. Texted him to let him know I was home and when I'd be leaving for girlfriends - never heard from him. I also tried calling him before I left - nada. Texted him Saturday and still recieved no reply. Texted him this morninng to remind him that the document he signed ables me to sue/ and or have his wages garnished and cancel his car insurance in the event of non payment even before we get divorced... finally got a reply from him about 3 hours later saying he's not trying to dodge me but he has no money, he owes the water bill, light bill and is late on rent and the realty company is gonna be starting eviction proceedings against him tomorrow - that boo hoo he's gonna be homeless and penniless. That he's gonna give me money as soon as he can and he's not trying to screw me over but if I feel the need to sue, garnigh or cancel then he understands and won't hold it against me.

Really????!!!! Way to play the victim, buddy!!! Fact is, he's not man enough to tell me none of this to my face or even over the phone - that he can only reply when I bring up legal action. Fact is, he wanted the separation and now he's crying cause he's in seemingly dire straights??? Fact is - he ain't gonna be homeless - hello!!! I have to drive past his posOG's house everyday to get to my house and I can plainly see that he's pretty much taken up permanent residence at her place. Fact is - McDonald's is hiring so if that lazy a$$ was a real man he'd get up off posOG's bed and go get whatever job he had to get to pay his bills. 

Fact is, all of his above actions serve as excellent reminders of why I neither need nor want this man-child in my life anymore.:smthumbup:

While it sucks not getting the money he owes me at the moment (I'll just have to be patient and most likely wait for a judge to order him to pay me when the divorce goes thru next year) it is quite refreshing to know that the only contact I'll have to have with him from now on is the monthly past due notices I'll be emailing him so I have a record of his knowledge of the unpaid debts for a judge!:smthumbup:


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

So, what's going on with Sushi Guy?? 

He sounds awesome.

Hey, go over to my new thread and listen to the song I left for ya.

It's pretty badass.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> So, what's going on with Sushi Guy??
> 
> He sounds awesome.


Well, Sushi Guy was a Captain on a SF yacht my company works on - I've known him for about 1-1/2 years. The boat was litterally right outside my shop's back door so I'd talk to him from time to time when he was in from fishing or working on the boat. He would also come in occasionally with cheese for my pug (her favorite food) which caused her to run out and try to find him on the dock and in turn caused me to run into him more often.

After he quit Captaining that boat he took another job in the next town but would still stop in to say "Hi" every now and then. He knew about my problems in my marriage - never pressed for info - just listened but when he found out I had left STBXH he started popping by my shop more often. 

I finally asked him if he wanted to hang out around the beginning of this month. We've since been out 4 times. We go out to dinner - or I should say he takes me out to dinner every time and refuses to let me pay or even leave a tip/ which is a real change (anytime I wanted to go out with STBXH it was always me who paid). Since we work in the same industry we have a good deal to talk about (STBXH never cared for my line of work) and Sushi Guy actually listens to and retains everything I tell him (STBXH could never even maintain the info of what day it was). 

SG also has his sh!t together. Rents his won place, has his own working vehicles that he maintains, has a steady and pretty impressive job, and a few more accolades I could add but if I did I might as well just give you his full name and address!!!

He really is awesome, a bit goofy - but it's endearing and makes me laugh. I'm taking it slow with him thou and he seems to understand as he is pretty much the definition of "Southern Gentleman" (I say pretty much as everyone has their rough edges).

My biggest fear is eventually getting into a relationship again (eventually - not soon... and any relationship for that matter) and being let down again, you know? STBXH seemed like an angel in the beginning and now, well, he couldn't be farther from one. I guess it's the old saying thou "nothing ventured, nothing gained"? It's just hard not to have my guards up. I mean, I know I'm an awesome chick who deserves nothing but the best and I refuse to settle for anyting less from now on... but I guess it's the fear of investing time into something and that something turning out to be a waste of time that has my head kinda twisted. Does that makes any sense???:scratchhead:



SCsweety81 said:


> Hey, go over to my new thread and listen to the song I left for ya.
> 
> It's pretty badass.


I jammed that album all last night and this morning - I love it!!!

Twilight Galaxy really reminded me of my marriage thou...

I really like Gimme Sympathy - thou I must say I'd rather be the Rolling Stones than The Beatles! Just my personal preference!!!


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

He sounds awesome. I am so happy for you. I am glad that he is understanding about taking it slow. He seems like a real good guy.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

I'm so happy for you, doll face.

Have you worn those new boots for SG?


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> He sounds awesome. I am so happy for you. I am glad that he is understanding about taking it slow. He seems like a real good guy.


Awww, thank you!

He is understanding - plus he's kinda new to the whole relationship thing too seeing as how he spent his 20's conquering the world and his ambitions left him little time for romance...

Huh, a guy with ambitions??? Never thought I'd find one on this island!!!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> I'm so happy for you, doll face.
> 
> Have you worn those new boots for SG?


Thank you, babygirl!

And yes I have! I still keep meaning to post pics of them for you - I'll write a note on my hand to make sure I do it tonight!!!

Was thinking of you this weekend thou - went Xmas shopping for my neice and got her some of those light up Sketchers shoes... well, Rack Room always has that BOGO 50% thing going on so I just had to get me a cute pair of heels... they've yet to have been worn thou!

Crappy pic - but here you go!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

I'm sure not to forget now!!!!


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Oh, I heart you for that picture of your hand! :rofl:

Girl, those shoes are *BAD ASS*! 

I bought these, last night, and I am ITCHING to wear these girls.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Why thank you, I aim to please!

Babe - I love the ones you bought!!! So sexy!!!! Perfect for a night out on the town!!!:smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Damn, wish I could wear shoes like that. I'd fall right on my face! LOL


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> Damn, wish I could wear shoes like that. I'd fall right on my face! LOL


Practice makes perfect, doll.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Practice makes perfect, doll.



:iagree:

That's what I keep telling my mother! Every time she sees me in my boots or high heels she gets this look of sheer horror on her face followed by the question "aren't you afraid you're gonna fall??!!"


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Ooo, arm tats!

I want more tats


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Ooo, arm tats!
> 
> I want more tats


Oh, yes sir!!!

Tune it tomorrow for when I finally post Sweety the pics of my new boots - I'll try and make sure my arm tats are visible!

And I always want more tats...

Figured out a way to get the $ for the coverup of STBXH's astrological sign on my forearm... planning on selling my wedding bands! I figure hey, I'm never gonna wear them again nor do I want to and it'd be a shame for them to just sit in their box forever... plus I thought it was quite fitting!


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> And I always want more tats...


Bring your cute butt down the road and go get one with ME! 

I want another one, like, yesterday.





Eternal Embrace said:


> Figured out a way to get the $ for the coverup of STBXH's astrological sign on my forearm... planning on selling my wedding bands! I figure hey, I'm never gonna wear them again nor do I want to and it'd be a shame for them to just sit in their box forever... plus I thought it was quite fitting!


Don't sell 'em, woman!

Save the diamond, at least, so SG (or whatever lucky bast*rd gets you) can trade it up.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Bring your cute butt down the road and go get one with ME!
> 
> I want another one, like, yesterday.


You know, I have been hankering for a trip down to Mrytle Beach - didn't get to go this year but my friend and his wife just got back from there and I'm so jealous. Don't know where you're at in relation to MB but if/when we do get together we can hit that spot up - I know there's plenty of tat shops there!



HappyKaty said:


> Don't sell 'em, woman!
> 
> Save the diamond, at least, so SG (or whatever lucky bast*rd gets you) can trade it up.


Ha! I would - but I tell you what - my engagement ring has an itsy bitsy small diamond and my wedding band has like 8 smaller than a pin head diamonds - the main stone in that is an onyx. I'm not b!tching about them - I picked them both out and loved them very much but the white gold is worth more than keeping the rings... Plus - if I ever do get hitched again that lucky bastard will have to start with a fresh set of rings on his own! I should have known it was a bad sign when I had to front STBXH with the money to buy both the engagement ring and my wedding ring... 

Hindsight, my darlin', is always 20/20!!!:rofl:


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> You know, I have been hankering for a trip down to Mrytle Beach - didn't get to go this year but my friend and his wife just got back from there and I'm so jealous. Don't know where you're at in relation to MB but if/when we do get together we can hit that spot up - I know there's plenty of tat shops there!


I'm about three hours away.

Totally worth that short drive, though.




Eternal Embrace said:


> Hindsight, my darlin', is always 20/20!!!:rofl:


Jesus Christ.

Don't I know?!

I should've found Mr. Right, the first time.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> I'm about three hours away.
> 
> Totally worth that short drive, though.


It's about 7-1/2 hour drive for me - but again, totally worth the drive!

Ok - time to start saving $ for a vaca!!!



HappyKaty said:


> Jesus Christ.
> 
> Don't I know?!
> 
> I should've found Mr. Right, the first time.


Ain't that the truth - sad thing is the ones who actually came before STBXH were even worse than him! Which explains why they never lasted long at all.

I guess once you get to your 30's common sense and good judgement finally starts kicking in, huh?


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> It's about 7-1/2 hour drive for me - but again, totally worth the drive!
> 
> Ok - time to start saving $ for a vaca!!!


Game on.





Eternal Embrace said:


> I guess once you get to your 30's common sense and good judgement finally starts kicking in, huh?


Apparently so.

Can you imagine going into our 40's with such losers?

Btdub - 

Any idea when your D will be final?

If mine can't get rushed, it'll be around September.

We should have a super bad divorce party.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Can yo
> 
> 
> HappyKaty said:
> ...


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

And finally for HK, after much wait...










Trying to get a decent pic of these b!tches was hard! Not enough light in my house, couldn't stand them up by themselves when they're not on, and trying to bend over while wearing them to take a pic - yeah, not smart!

Up - you'll have to head over to my gallery and see the tattoos...


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Hotness!

I need some new boots.

Some new BROWN boots.

Those ones are perfect.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Got em 2 weeks ago at Belk aka "The store of Southern Shopping" but they had the same boots in brown... I think the make was New Direction...

Ohhh!!! Wait!!!!

Ok- found em on the website, tried to paste the link but it's not cooperating so...

Belk.com - go search the women's shoes, select boots, for brand select "ND New Directions" - when the list comes up they're the Sofia Boot and they have them in brown - on sale 50% off for $39.50!!!

Who hearts ya, baby???


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Got em 2 weeks ago at Belk aka "The store of Southern Shopping" but they had the same boots in brown... I think the make was New Direction...
> 
> Ohhh!!! Wait!!!!
> 
> ...



Hot ass boots - ordered.

Word.

Oh, I heart you!


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

I love that your journal has evolved into discussion of shoes Eternal. If that isnt healing I dont know what is! 

=)


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

lostinspaces said:


> I love that your journal has evolved into discussion of shoes Eternal. If that isnt healing I dont know what is!
> 
> =)


Not just shoes, but HOT SEXY SHOES!!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Well thank you both very much!

Sometimes all a woman needs is a sexy pair of shoes to lift her spirits from time to time!!!


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> And finally for HK, after much wait...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 nice ! I can also see Spaz's little doggie bed in the pic. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> nice ! I can also see Spaz's little doggie bed in the pic.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you!

Yeah, the little puppy bed that she never sleeps in - she's taken my queen size bed over as her own! I'm sure you're plenty aware of the surprising amount of space a small dog can take up!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Thank you!
> 
> Yeah, the little puppy bed that she never sleeps in - she's taken my queen size bed over as her own! I'm sure you're plenty aware of the surprising amount of space a small dog can take up!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wouldn't know. Mine snuggle right up against both sides of me at night. I have to crank down the air because their little bodies put off so much heat. Lol
Hope your thanksgiving is going better then mine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Happy Thanksgiving, EE!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Happy Thanksgiving, EE!


Awww, thanks AP!

Sorry for the delay in replying... after Thanksgiving morning I took a sabatical from the computer... and by sabatical I mean spent the holiday eating too much, hanging out with friends and spending too much money on myself and not Xmas presents!!! Oh dear... time to get my priorites back in order - but really - who can resist a good sale???!!! 

I did manage NOT to purchase any boots thou - so that's progress!!!


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> I did manage NOT to purchase any boots thou - so that's progress!!!


Baby steps.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Happy Monday, babe! 

Do you have a Facebook?


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Happy Monday, babe!
> 
> Do you have a Facebook?


Hey there, babydoll! Just got off your thread!

I do have it but never do anything with it... I set it up and left it hanging forever - the only time I really used it was to stalk STBXH and posOG.

Come to think of it... I only have 1 friend on there!! Haha!! How pathedic am I???:rofl:


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Hey there, babydoll! Just got off your thread!
> 
> I do have it but never do anything with it... I set it up and left it hanging forever - the only time I really used it was to stalk STBXH and posOG.
> 
> Come to think of it... I only have 1 friend on there!! Haha!! How pathedic am I???:rofl:


Not at all. I only created a facebook after this crap with my wife happened. I was the person that was adamant that I would never join that site. talk about pathetic.:scratchhead:


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Hey there, babydoll! Just got off your thread!
> 
> I do have it but never do anything with it... I set it up and left it hanging forever - the only time I really used it was to stalk STBXH and posOG.
> 
> Come to think of it... I only have 1 friend on there!! Haha!! How pathedic am I???:rofl:


You?

Pathetic?

Psh! 

Whatevs.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

So... hey, you guys wanna be my friends #2 and #3???

Hermes - I'm totally like you - I was always "FB is the devil!!!"

Actually I relate with that H and W in the car commercial - you know, the one where their daughter is at home cracking out of FB and she's all like "my parents only have 9 friends... how sad!"
Those parents would soooo be me!!!


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> So... hey, you guys wanna be my friends #2 and #3???
> 
> Hermes - I'm totally like you - I was always "FB is the devil!!!"
> 
> ...


I agree. I only the friends on FB that I have because they kept asking my sister about me. She was finally able to say that I had a FB and the swarm of friend requests came in. 

I will shoot you a pm with my FB info.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

I won't give mine out personally.

But if the right person is asked.

They can give it away.



Its like a treasure hunt!


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

LOL, Up! You're getting sassy of late.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Isn't he thou?

So feisty!!!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> I won't give mine out personally.
> 
> But if the right person is asked.
> 
> ...


Careful there, Up!

I've been known to give Sherlock Holmes a run for his money!


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Careful there, Up!
> 
> I've been known to give Sherlock Holmes a run for his money!


Random clues often turn up in the oddest places, huh?


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Random clues often turn up in the oddest places, huh?


I often leave clues in the most enjoyable of places.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> I often leave clues in the most enjoyable of places.


Hmmm... seems I'll have to find someone sweet to get it!


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Hmmm... seems I'll have to find someone sweet to get it!


I see what you did there.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

She is already on to you up.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm completely lost here.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I'm completely lost here.


:rofl:

Bless your heart.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I'm completely lost here.


It's cool - I'm attempting to stalk Up and he _thinks_ he can be shifty...


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> She is already on to you up.


What can I say.

I leave tantalizing crumbs.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> It's cool - I'm attempting to stalk Up and he _thinks_ he can be shifty...


See.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Once she has you as a facebook friend she can use GPS and other tools to hunt you down. :woohoo:


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

I am going to have to join in on this hunt now.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Once she has you as a facebook friend she can use GPS and other tools to hunt you down. :woohoo:


Someone beat her to that.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Once she has you as a facebook friend she can use GPS and other tools to hunt you down. :woohoo:


Which is *precisely* why mine is private. 

Stalkers = Bad, mmmkay?

(Except for EE )


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Someone beat her to that.


Someone is stalking you?

How frightening that must be!


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Did you just do a Mr Mackey mmmkay on me? 

Personally I'll accept any female stalkers right now. Its the male stalkers that scare me. Unless of course the female stalker is like Glen Close in Fatal Attraction. Then I'll pass.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Which is *precisely* why mine is private.
> 
> Stalkers = Bad, mmmkay?
> 
> (Except for EE )


I was about to say!

But then again... when you hear that tapping on your window late at night - I SWEAR it's not me!:rofl:


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Did you just do a Mr Mackey mmmkay on me?
> 
> Personally I'll accept any female stalkers right now. Its the male stalkers that scare me.


I did hit you up with Mr. Mackey. 

ANY female stalkers?

You sure about that?


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Personally I'll accept any female stalkers right now. Its the male stalkers that scare me. Unless of course the female stalker is like Glen Close in Fatal Attraction. Then I'll pass.


:rofl:
I promise I'm not a bunny boiler!!!


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> :rofl:
> I promise I'm not a bunny boiler!!!


 :lol: :rofl: That is just too funny.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Did you just do a Mr Mackey mmmkay on me?
> 
> Personally I'll accept any female stalkers right now. Its the male stalkers that scare me. Unless of course the female stalker is like Glen Close in Fatal Attraction. Then I'll pass.


It's the internet.

Technically I could be whatever you want me to be.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Which is *precisely* why mine is private.
> 
> Stalkers = Bad, mmmkay?
> 
> (Except for EE )


I would be fine with you or EE stalking me......If up wants to stalk me, to have a beer, I am fine with that too....


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> It's the internet.
> 
> Technically I could be whatever you want me to be.


Uh oh UP just took this thread to an 11

**sorry about all the movie references**

I'm fine with anybody stalking me at this moment, but if I start hearing heavy breathing and panting outside my window I'm calling the cops! Unless of course its EE or Katy then I'll just open the window


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> It's the internet.
> 
> Technically I could be whatever you want me to be.


All i see is Sephiroth when I think of you......damn video games. ruining my imagination...


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> It's the internet.
> 
> Technically I could be whatever you want me to be.


What. 

The.

Fvck?


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Uh oh UP just took this thread to an 11
> 
> **sorry about all the movie references**
> 
> I'm fine with anybody stalking me at this moment, but if I start hearing heavy breathing and panting outside my window I'm calling the cops! Unless of course its EE or Katy then I'll just open the window


Damn Spinal Tap. I still love Back to the Future where he turns the speaker to 11. Great scene.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Uh oh UP just took this thread to an 11
> 
> **sorry about all the movie references**
> 
> I'm fine with anybody stalking me at this moment, but if I start hearing heavy breathing and panting outside my window I'm calling the cops! Unless of course its EE or Katy then I'll just open the window


Or, if you hear heavy breathing and panting outside your window and it's EE *and* Katy, you'll just come out the window.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Or, if you hear heavy breathing and panting outside your window and it's EE *and* Katy, you'll just come out the window.


i can not like this enough.....


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> All i see is Sephiroth when I think of you......damn video games. ruining my imagination...


Sephiroth.

Love him.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Urgh, so I am now officially back to believing FB to be the devil.

Ok, so, it's my own fault I decided to look up and block posSTBXH and posOG so I got to see all the happy little pictures they have with each other posted all over their sh!t.

My fav was the adorable one of them embracing with big smiles while that d0uchebag sports the damn Misfits Better Dead than Red shirt I bought him right before I left.

Well, I think it's time I burn his fav Danzig Evil Live and Cold Snap 9 shirts I have hiding somewhere in storage... burn em and then get my disgusted focus off him.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Urgh, so I am now officially back to believing FB to be the devil.
> 
> Ok, so, it's my own fault I decided to look up and block posSTBXH and posOG so I got to see all the happy little pictures they have with each other posted all over their sh!t.
> 
> ...


OR...

Post a picture of you and SG.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Urgh, so I am now officially back to believing FB to be the devil.
> 
> Ok, so, it's my own fault I decided to look up and block posSTBXH and posOG so I got to see all the happy little pictures they have with each other posted all over their sh!t.
> 
> ...


 I can only imagine how angry and upset this would make me. I blocked my STBXw on FB weeks ago and never looked back. I say take his shirts and burn them. If you are feeling particularly evil box up the burnt remains and ship them to him then text him and tell him his shirts are on the way. :smthumbup:


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Thanks, guys. 

Right now I have no pics of me and SG - and I'm not really sure about posting them if I did, still pretty early to put that out there - plus I blocked both posSTBXH and posOG so it's not like they could see the pics anyways, right?

And NW, I do like your idea - I was actually kinda thinking the same thing, but my idea also included rubbing pug poo all over em before I set fire to them (that way it could be a gift from both me and Spaz!). I wouldn't even have to spend the $ on shipping as posOG lives, um, 7 streets up in my neighborhood - have to pass it everyday to go anywhere and it's evident posSTBXH has taken up residence there.

But alas, posOG thrives on drama so that is not something I'm going to give her. Plus, it's not healthy for me to be thinking of ways to retaliate seeing as how neither one of them is worth my oh so precious time.

It just, ow. That's about all I can say. And it's stupid for me to feel like that - this mixture of hurt and anger. I know what a pos both of them are but at the same time I'm like "really?, you two suck!"

Well, at least I'm not posOG's XBF, poor guy has to see them everyday at work like that - I can't imagine what that must be like.

I will ask everyone a little favor thou - if you come to find yourselves on my island - don't purchase any Papa John's Pizza. Or you can - just make sure you stiff the delivery drivers in the Ford or Saturn!


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

He delivers for Papa John Pizza? How old is this guy?


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Thanks, guys.
> 
> Right now I have no pics of me and SG - and I'm not really sure about posting them if I did, still pretty early to put that out there - plus I blocked both posSTBXH and posOG so it's not like they could see the pics anyways, right?
> 
> ...


He's a loser.

And she's stuck with him.

You, on the other hand, have a future of endless possibilities.

I know triggers can sting, but at this point, at least logic takes center stage.

I'm proud of how far you've come, babe.

Re-read the first page of this thread and revel in your badassness.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> He delivers for Papa John Pizza? How old is this guy?


Oh thank you so much, NW!!! That so made me burst out laughing!

To answer your question - almost 32.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> He's a loser.
> 
> And she's stuck with him.
> 
> ...


Awww, thank you baby! That means a lot to me.

I think I'll go read that page now...


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

I am so proud of you. You are an inspiration to a lot of us. keep up the good work. You are truly awesome.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Just remember, he is her problem now. 

Was he really that great? Well if he was, he wouldn't have cheated. 

Sit back and laugh about how screwed up he is to jump "head over heals" in love with another woman after being married. You know it doesn't work like that...time for self reflection and growth is needed or the same mistakes of the relationship will repeat themselves. 

So just know eventually they are going to implode. Whether its in 6 months or 6 years...it will happen. 

And good job on blocking on FB. I went through and blocked mine immediately when I saw "suggested people you may know" and his pictures showed up. Then I went and blocked all of the people on his friends list and his fiance's list as well. Oh and his coworkers.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Oh thank you so much, NW!!! That so made me burst out laughing!
> 
> To answer your question - almost 32.


 Wow he must have a lot of ambitions in life. What a man! Maybe soon he can advance to cheese grater or dough mixer 

No offense to anyone out there who is a delivery guy, but if you're almost 32 and its not your second job you really need to reflect on your life and where you are headed.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

So.

You gave up on the treasure hunt?


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> So.
> 
> You gave up on the treasure hunt?


small sabbatical. you know EE wont quit.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> I am so proud of you. You are an inspiration to a lot of us. keep up the good work. You are truly awesome.


Thank you very much, darlin'! Words like that really lift me up!!!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> Just remember, he is her problem now.
> 
> Was he really that great? Well if he was, he wouldn't have cheated.


You're right. If he really was that great there are a great deal of things he would have done differently.



vi_bride04 said:


> Sit back and laugh about how screwed up he is to jump "head over heals" in love with another woman after being married. You know it doesn't work like that...time for self reflection and growth is needed or the same mistakes of the relationship will repeat themselves.
> 
> So just know eventually they are going to implode. Whether its in 6 months or 6 years...it will happen.


Spot on, once again, my dear. And I can already see it, too - mainly in the way he pretty much moved in with her the day after I moved out - we started out the same way - on a Tuesday morning we became official and that Tuesday night he came over and never left! I know I have problems with codependancy that I am working on but really - he is the definition.



vi_bride04 said:


> And good job on blocking on FB. I went through and blocked mine immediately when I saw "suggested people you may know" and his pictures showed up. Then I went and blocked all of the people on his friends list and his fiance's list as well. Oh and his coworkers.


Ohhh... I just blocked him, her and his BFF - I didn't even think to go running down their friends lists! Thanks Vi!!!:smthumbup:


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Wow he must have a lot of ambitions in life. What a man! Maybe soon he can advance to cheese grater or dough mixer
> 
> No offense to anyone out there who is a delivery guy, but if you're almost 32 and its not your second job you really need to reflect on your life and where you are headed.


Still laughing!!!

And unfortunately for him - it's not his 2nd job - that's his year round job!

Maybe if the two of them do end up together for the long haul they can tie pizza boxes to their bumpers after the ceremony since they're both delivery drivers!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> So.
> 
> You gave up on the treasure hunt?


*NEVER!!!!*

I assure you after a couple more replies and the finishing of some work orders I will be back on the hunt!

You can hide... just not forever...


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> small sabbatical. you know EE wont quit.


That's right!

It's called dedication, folks!!!


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Maybe if the two of them do end up together for the long haul they can tie pizza boxes to their bumpers after the ceremony since they're both delivery drivers!


OMG no? Your putting me on! You can't make this stuff up. :rofl:

Wow low wages, long hours and discounts on pizza & breadsticks. Man do they have a future together.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> OMG no? Your putting me on! You can't make this stuff up. :rofl:
> 
> Wow low wages, long hours and discounts on pizza & breadsticks. Man do they have a future together.


:iagree:

Serious as a heart attack, my darlin'!

And yes, pizza is free - breadsticks I think still cost em a little bit - they're only living in the lap of luxury but so much!:rofl:


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I can hear it now:

"Forget the nice house, furniture, extravagant vacations, diamond and gold encrusted gifts, financial security. I can get you a free 3 topping pizza!"

Wow what a catch!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I can hear it now:
> 
> "Forget the nice house, furniture, extravagant vacations, diamond and gold encrusted gifts, financial security. I can get you a free 3 topping pizza!"
> 
> Wow what a catch!


:rofl:

Oh, I heart you!!!


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

EE

No burning his shirts. Stop looking on his FB page or the ***** I mean POSOW!

Stay cool, calm and dispassionate......

Wasn't someone just congratulating Hermes on getting up to the 50,000 ft view?

I think you should join him. The view can be quite lovely from there and your emotions get to level out from the lack of oxygen as well. He might like the company.....

And the tats looked beautiful but painful. 

Have an awesome day!

HM64


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

EE -- 

Take anything he left behind and sell it for whatever you can get for it. Then put it in your vacation fund. You deserve it!

Clears his sh!t out of your place, and gives you good memories to replace the bad ones.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Wasn't someone just congratulating Hermes on getting up to the 50,000 ft view?
> 
> I think you should join him. The view can be quite lovely from there and your emotions get to level out from the lack of oxygen as well. He might like the company.....


EDITED to remove a remark in bad taste.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> EE
> 
> No burning his shirts. Stop looking on his FB page or the ***** I mean POSOW!
> 
> Stay cool, calm and dispassionate......


Duly noted. I shouldn't have to waste good lighter fluid anyways...



happyman64 said:


> Wasn't someone just congratulating Hermes on getting up to the 50,000 ft view?


Yes... I think I know which people were giving congrats, too... 



happyman64 said:


> I think you should join him. The view can be quite lovely from there and your emotions get to level out from the lack of oxygen as well. He might like the company.....


Gosh darn it, I think I will. To hell with this back tracking!!! Hey Hermes - got room for 1 more???



happyman64 said:


> And the tats looked beautiful but painful.
> 
> Have an awesome day!
> 
> HM64


Thanks, babe, for all the above! 

And the tats, thanks! I tell everyone - they're painful - till you go numb from it!

And I will have an awesome day - I hope you do the same, HM64!


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Wasn't someone just congratulating Hermes on getting up to the 50,000 ft view?


 Is this some kind of mile high club I was uninformed about? 

**edit** oh wait 50,000 feet is like the 9.5 mile high club. I don't even want to know what goes on there.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> EE --
> 
> Take anything he left behind and sell it for whatever you can get for it. Then put it in your vacation fund. You deserve it!
> 
> Clears his sh!t out of your place, and gives you good memories to replace the bad ones.


Ha! Thanks, AP!

It wouldn't be a long list of things to collect as he didn't have much...
2 shirts
1 pair headphones 

I do like the headphones so I claim them as mine. Shirts can just go in the garbage.

I'll just save for the vaca on my own - and keep on making better memories without him!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> I would like some company. Katy, me, up and spun want to have a party......


Then count me in, darlin', cause I'm coming!!!:smthumbup:


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Is this some kind of mile high club I was uninformed about?
> 
> **edit** oh wait 50,000 feet is like the 9.5 mile high club. I don't even want to know what goes on there.


Why??? Ya scared???

Don't worry - I'm sure they'll take easy on your first time!!!


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Why??? Ya scared???
> 
> Don't worry - I'm sure they'll take easy on your first time!!!


I'm keeping my feet, and everything attached to them, firmly on the ground. 

So yes I'm scared.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> I would like some company. Katy, me, up and spun want to have a party......


Take this for what you will.

I found it arrogant to openly select posters and classify them in such a way.

Myself being included.

"Those who don't know say they know. Those who do, don't."

50,000 feet is a great place to be when boundaries are being tested and observing the actions of those around you.

You'll be missing out if you never "come down" from it.

The smallest trip will also send you flying off a cliff rather then simply scrapping your knee 

Something easily healed.

I am glad and very proud that you are headed down the right path because you are.

From personal experience alone I know how hard it can be to finally "get there".

I also know first hand how hard the fall is as well. Many here saw it time and time again.

Be excited for your progress, its a great achievement, no doubt.

Being humble feels even greater in the long run.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Take this for what you will.
> 
> I found it arrogant to openly select posters and classify them in such a way.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much, Up. 

I must say - you are quite the philosopher!

I'm pretty much almost over it now I just can't believe seeing something as trival as their pages (I mean, come on, I knew they were together... just hadn't seen it with my own eyes) messed me up so bad.

I, too, am proud of the progress I have been able to make (thanks in large part to everyone here for their help) but to be triggered like that - over that, it's frustrating. I can drive past their house everyday and be all "meh, whatevs..." so I just didn't expect my reaction at their pics to be so crazed.

So I'm getting back in the mindset today of "his loss - not mine" as well as the tried and true "good luck with that, honey!" 

The focus is coming off of them and back where it belongs... ME!!!


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

You're such a smart girl!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Ok, so FB does get some recognition now...

In my searching (yeah, yeah, still ain't found you, Up!) I did find my pretty much long lost younger 1/2 brother...

Our pos biological father (obvs we have different mamas) ditched us 24 years ago and I haven't seen him since nor really knew where he was - other than suspecting the state he lived in.

So, it took some courage but I messaged him. Kept it as short and sweet as I possibly could... told him I was his 1/2 sister, about remembering his mom and sister and telling him I'd really like to talk to and get to know him but that I would understand if he was weirded out and wasn't comfortable with it.

I guess I just wait and see if he responds. Trying not to get all amped up about it and plan on taking a cue from Katy - if he doesn't respond - his loss, not mine.

Still, I'd be lying if I said my fingers aren't crossed...


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

You classify it as trivial but it plays on you a lot more than you want to admit.

There is nothing wrong with admitting the worst at times.

What you don't want to do is define yourself by it.

Faking it to make it within yourself isn't healthy.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Ok, so FB does get some recognition now...
> 
> In my searching (yeah, yeah, still ain't found you, Up!) I did find my pretty much long lost younger 1/2 brother...
> 
> ...


That's AWESOME, chick!

I'm uber proud of you!


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Me too! That takes a lot of guts to do. Good for you. Really. Keep it up. You have improved SO much already.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Ok, so FB does get some recognition now...
> 
> In my searching (yeah, yeah, still ain't found you, Up!) I did find my pretty much long lost younger 1/2 brother...
> 
> ...


This is good.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Take this for what you will.
> 
> I found it arrogant to openly select posters and classify them in such a way.
> 
> ...


Up. Thank you. You are absolutely correct. I did not mean for it to come off that way, and I agree 100% with what you are saying. Consider it edited.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Awww, thanks for the encouragement on the brother search, ladies and gents!

I kinda feel like I'm butting into his life after so long but at the same time - nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I'm gonna be patient in waiting for a response (if I get one) since by looking at his page he just welcomed his 2nd child into the world last week...

Was it Conrad who said "expect nothing and you'll never be disappointed"? Either way - I'm going with that and Katy!


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> Up. Thank you. You are absolutely correct. I did not mean for it to come off that way, and I agree 100% with what you are saying. Consider it edited.


I know that wasn't your intention and you have every right to express yourself.

Hell you could've told me to go blow chunks and I would have accepted it as is.

Lol.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Hey I just got this crazy FB message out of the blue about some chick who's my half sister? Weird? Huh.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> I know that wasn't your intention and you have every right to express yourself.
> 
> Hell you could've told me to go blow chunks and I would have accepted it as is.
> 
> Lol.


I could have, but the simple truth is that you were/are correct. It was an unneeded statement, especially since I called out others in it, not just myself. 

Had I thought you should blow chunks, I would have told you so.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Awww, thanks for the encouragement on the brother search, ladies and gents!
> 
> I kinda feel like I'm butting into his life after so long but at the same time - nothing ventured, nothing gained.
> 
> ...


Exactly. Do not go into anything with the expectation of getting something in return. Giving with expectations, or expecting anything other than your happiness from yourself, is a first class ticket to emotional hell.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> You classify it as trivial but it plays on you a lot more than you want to admit.
> 
> There is nothing wrong with admitting the worst at times.
> 
> ...


Very, very, VERY true.

I guess I just take it as another punch to the gut seeing them all happy. And don't get me wrong, I am happy, I've done a lot more outside my comfort zone and with my life than I had in the 10 years I spent with him. It's just having to finally see it that sucks. It's like 10 years and he's over me that quick - after all I did for us, him, our marriage.

I have a bad habit of compartmentalization. I just lock sh!t up and tuck it away. I did it when my biological father left, when my crazy RX addicted father went, well, crazy and left and now it would seem I'm doing it with STBXH. It's my go to defense mechanism. That would be where faking it till I make it comes in for me - I tuck the bad crap away instead of dealing with it head on like I should.

I think it's high time I dusted of my journal and started letting some of this sh!t go - in a much more healthy and positive manner...


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Hey I just got this crazy FB message out of the blue about some chick who's my half sister? Weird? Huh.


OMG - Where have you been all my life????!!!! If only I had known it would be this easy!!!

Hold on - you already hinted you were a couple years older than me... I'm looking for younger...:scratchhead:


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Very, very, VERY true.
> 
> I guess I just take it as another punch to the gut seeing them all happy. And don't get me wrong, I am happy, I've done a lot more outside my comfort zone and with my life than I had in the 10 years I spent with him. It's just having to finally see it that sucks. It's like 10 years and he's over me that quick - after all I did for us, him, our marriage.
> 
> ...


 I'm terrified of seeing my ex with the posOM. I don't think I could handle it. I'm so proud of how strong you are here! 

And don't worry about the father thing. I've seen my pos father 3 times in my life. Just enough to realize how much of a piece of worthless garbage he is. I'm sure a lot of that plays into my issues as well.



Eternal Embrace said:


> OMG - Where have you been all my life????!!!! If only I had known it would be this easy!!!
> 
> Hold on - you already hinted you were a couple years older than me... I'm looking for younger...:scratchhead:


 Yeah, but that would be freaky wouldn't it! I hope he messages you back!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I'm terrified of seeing my ex with the posOM. I don't think I could handle it. I'm so proud of how strong you are here!


Thanks, babe, but I don't know how strong it's considered when the sight instantly deflated me.



NoWhere said:


> And don't worry about the father thing. I've seen my pos father 3 times in my life. Just enough to realize how much of a piece of worthless garbage he is. I'm sure a lot of that plays into my issues as well.


Oh I know! Both my dads are huge steaming piles - I actually adopted my best girl's dad as my own - which is good cause he claims me as his, too! 

I should have a big neon sign plasted above my head that reads: Daddy Issues!!! But at the samn time I think I see that that's where a great deal of my codependancy comes from - the not wanting to be left, trying to do everyting I can to please a man so he won't leave, etc..



NoWhere said:


> Yeah, but that would be freaky wouldn't it! I hope he messages you back!


:iagree:


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Do you ever listen to Lana Del Rey?

I effing love her, but I just heard "Off to the Races", for the first time.

Oh. Em. Gee.

Amazing!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Do you ever listen to Lana Del Rey?
> 
> I effing love her, but I just heard "Off to the Races", for the first time.
> 
> ...


Never heard of her - I'll def check it out thou!


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Do you ever listen to Lana Del Rey?
> 
> I effing love her, but I just heard "Off to the Races", for the first time.
> 
> ...


What style is it? You have recommended some good stuff, so interested to see if I would like this....


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Hermes said:


> What style is it?


It's alternative/chamber pop.




Hermes said:


> You have recommended some good stuff, so interested to see if I would like this....


Well, I don't make a habit of listening to crap music.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> It's alternative/chamber pop.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well, little miss sassy pants.....


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Hermes said:


> Well, little miss sassy pants.....




For reals, though...

She's kinda weird, but she has an incredibly unique voice that I like.

Check her out.

Don't blast it too loud at work, as some of her songs were obvi written by a mental case.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

She's messed


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> The Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
> 
> She's messed


Whatevs. 

You know you downloaded it.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Whatevs.
> 
> You know you downloaded it.


The YYYs?

I love them


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> The YYYs?
> 
> I love them


Haha!

I'm sorry, babe.

I thought you were saying Lana was messed up because she said "yeah, yeah, yeah" too much.

:rofl:

Blonde, I tell ya.


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

I love the yeah yeah yeahs. Lately I have been on a C.C.R, clap your hand say yeah and feist kick. 

I will have to look up Lana..


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

CCR holds a special place with me.


----------



## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> CCR holds a special place with me.


Don't come round tonight

There's a bathroom on the right...;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> The YYYs?
> 
> I love them


Now I so have "Y Control" stuck in my head...


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

I constantly find myself drumming Maps wherever I am.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> I constantly find myself drumming Maps wherever I am.


Well, thank you for changing up the playlist in my head!

Maps is another one that gets easily stuck there...


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

i have had this stuck in my head for days:

AWOLNATION - Sail - YouTube

wub wub wub....


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Hermes said:


> i have had this stuck in my head for days:
> 
> AWOLNATION - Sail - YouTube
> 
> wub wub wub....


My FAVORITE!


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> My FAVORITE!


did you ever watch this:

Cool Break Dancing Yoga - YouTube


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Maps is another one that gets easily stuck there...


It does have that quality, which is unfortunate for me, because posSTBXH played it over and over during one of his EA's.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Hermes said:


> did you ever watch this:
> 
> Cool Break Dancing Yoga - YouTube


Sick!


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Sick!


i know. that is my new goal. i already joined a yoga class. I can put my legs behind my head, so I am already on my way.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> i have had this stuck in my head for days:
> 
> AWOLNATION - Sail - YouTube
> 
> wub wub wub....


Holy hell!

I love this!!!!:smthumbup:

Downloading.... NOW!!!!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> It does have that quality, which is unfortunate for me, because posSTBXH played it over and over during one of his EA's.


I hear ya...

It just makes me think of all the times STBXH had me play rock band with him - I had to sing - and we must've done this song a billion times.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, after licking my wouonds from STBXH and posOG's lovey dovey flattering FB pics the last few days and slowing getting over it as much as I can...

Today is gonna be a better day!

I'm totally stoked cause I just registered to take a welding class at my local CC!!!:smthumbup:

It starts Janurary 8th and runs thru the end of April - 2 x's a week, 96 hours total - so it'll give me something to focus on!! Hooray!!!

Plus - if I complete 80% of the course (um, I hope to be able to complete the whole damn thing) I have a chance at becoming a certified welder doing STICK, MIG and TIG!!!!:smthumbup:

I'm pretty much a tomboy and love to mess with things and get dirty so I'm really freakin' excited - plus if I can certified it'll allow me to have a trade to fall back on other than tyranical office manager.

What with the economy the selling of custom yachts has gone down tremendously. I love the boating industry and have worked in it bascially since I got out of HS - it would kill me to leave it, so I figure this way maybe I can learn this trade and if need be (fingers crosssed there'll be no need) I can find another job doing welding for boats. The CC also offers a class in Ship Fitting/Welding Steel vessels- so if I enjoy and pass the first class I think I'll look into that as there is a naval ship yard a couple hours away...

Oh - and I wanna give a shout out to AP cause she's the one who inspired me to get my butt out there and look for something more to do to better myself. It's not STFC or PDA (I looked and can find NONE anywhere near me) but it's still something I'm interested in and I can now say with pride that I am taking another step forward to better myself - for myself!!! Thank you, AP, your courage and tenacity knows no bounds and those are qualities I, too, want to have!!!


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

I am SO incredibly proud of you, babe!

You rock, like nobody's business!

Don't get too busy, though.

We have to get tattoos AND have a girl's weekend (which Vi and Angel should fly down for). 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> I'm pretty much a tomboy and love to mess with things and get dirty so I'm really freakin' excited -


 Am I the only one who finds that a huge turn on. 

Maybe I need help. Oh wait I already know I need help so I'll just go with it. 

Anyway you know I'm proud of you EE for getting out there and doing new things. Maybe if I need some wielding on my car I can call you up and get a discount rate!!

By the way Katy love the avatar. You ever actually seen that movie?


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> I am SO incredibly proud of you, babe!
> 
> You rock, like nobody's business!
> 
> ...


Well, thank you!!!

But don't worry about me being too busy... the class is only on Tuesday and Thursday nights - I'm all your's for tattoos and girl's weekends!!!


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Am I the only one who finds that a huge turn on.


:rofl: 



NoWhere said:


> Maybe I need help. Oh wait I already know I need help so I'll just go with it.


Well your going to get the help you need for other things but I've found that most guys do like a chick that can hold her own so I don't think you need therapy for that one!



NoWhere said:


> Anyway you know I'm proud of you EE for getting out there and doing new things. Maybe if I need some wielding on my car I can call you up and get a discount rate!!


Thank you for the praise! I am def trying! As far as your car goes - lets make sure I can actually do the welding 1st - don't want your ride to become some piece of abstrct art because of my hands!!!


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

That is awesome. Welding class sounds fun. I would say good luck, but you got this.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Thank you for the praise! I am def trying! As far as your car goes - lets make sure I can actually do the welding 1st - don't want your ride to become some piece of abstrct art because of my hands!!!


 I have a feeling you will be a natural at it. Sounds like to me you are one of those people who is good at anything they try to do.


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> That is awesome. Welding class sounds fun. I would say good luck, but you got this.


Thank you so much, babe!

The only thing I'm worried about is accidentally burning some of my arm tattoos... doing the MIG and TIG shouldn't be a problem but the STICK welding gets messy and has the potential to burn thru clothing even when wearing gloves and whatnot...


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> I have a feeling you will be a natural at it. Sounds like to me you are one of those people who is good at anything they try to do.


Maybe... except for Roller Derby! I wasn't even really skating when I broke my elbow - I just kinda had a gravity check and fell on my a$$! Thank goodness for wrist gaurds thou or it could've been a lot worse!!!:rofl:


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> - I just kinda had a gravity check and fell on my a$$!


:rofl:

Seeing as how my feet have no concept of walking on ice, I had a gravity check in Kansas, last year.

I don't know how painful a broken elbow is, but a broken ass bone is pretty terrible.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

That is awesome, EE!! We have a college here that teaches welding and other vocational stuff, and believe me, I've been tempted more that a few times to take classes there. I had a good friend that left her job here when her marriage ended several years ago and became an electrician. She was in her 50s. My dad told me over thanksgiving about a female friend of his who was laid off as a flight attendant, and was trained to install insulation. She's really busy now that housing is starting to pick up. She worked Thanksgiving and made double time and a half! Sure as hell beats being a job for over 10 years and still just missing the cut-off for food stamps. 

You go, girl! I might join you somewhere down the line! If Katy does, too, AND we get you into a dance class of some kind...

It'll be like a real-life FLASHDANCE!! :rofl:


----------



## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Seeing as how my feet have no concept of walking on ice, I had a gravity check in Kansas, last year.
> 
> I don't know how painful a broken elbow is, but a broken ass bone is pretty terrible.


O.M.G. - all the Roller Girls told me to beware of a broken ass bone cause how long it took to heal and the pain so when I had my fall I stuck my arm out behind me to cushion the blow so as not to break my ass bone! Saved the ass but ended up with an elbow that dislocated and when it did it tore all the ligaments in the joint and when they tore they literally ripped a piece of bone off with them... the bone is still chilling in there somewhere! 

And it was pain, buddy! For a good couple months - it was fully healed at the start of this month but is still sore, I just don't notice now, I guess. 

You never realize how lucky you are to have 2 working arms until you're down to 1! But you do find creative ways to do things!


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Welding by day:










Dancing by night:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> That is awesome, EE!! We have a college here that teaches welding and other vocational stuff, and believe me, I've been tempted more that a few times to take classes there. I had a good friend that left her job here when her marriage ended several years ago and became an electrician. She was in her 50s. My dad told me over thanksgiving about a female friend of his who was laid off as a flight attendant, and was trained to install insulation. She's really busy now that housing is starting to pick up. She worked Thanksgiving and made double time and a half! Sure as hell beats being a job for over 10 years and still just missing the cut-off for food stamps.
> 
> You go, girl! I might join you somewhere down the line! If Katy does, too, AND we get you into a dance class of some kind...
> 
> It'll be like a real-life FLASHDANCE!! :rofl:


Awww, thank you!!!! I'm super stoked about it and I'm a firm believer that chicks can do anything they put their minds to - hell, my own mother can give Bob Vila a run for his money!

I hear ya on the food stamps thing - that does suck.

Here on the island the cost of living is so ridiculously high and other than boating, housing and waitressing all the other jobs around here pay pretty much nothing so I figured it's best to have something to fall back on - plus I'm slightly artistic so I could always weld for fun, too!

I'm always open to more company! And if you find me a STFC I swear I will make you my honorary Fairy Godmother!!!:smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Oh, AP!!!!

I love, love, love the pics!!!!:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

So, it's been a while... just a warning... :rant:

I don't know but things just feel weird with the Xmas season and all. Really weird cause it doesn't really feel like Xmas to me at all. It's not that I'm having a hard time knowing this will be me and STBXH's 1st Xmas apart - we never really spent them together anyways, he would go to his fmaily and I to mine.

Lately thou I feel like I'm filled with this anger towards him - and I don't know why. I can feel it thou - in my chest, this anger that if I saw him I'd just wanna smack the ever living sh!t outta him... is this normal?

I don't miss him - this weekend I was going thru drawers and found a copy of the last letter I wrote him telling him I was done with him, that he'd left me no choice other than to file for D and wishing him and posOG the best in life. Re-reading that letter didn't get me upset - if anything it made me feel good that I had finally stood up for myself. After finding that letter thou the search was on - I scoured my room for anyting having to do with him, pictures, cards, notes, his 2 fav tshirts I still had - I looked thru it all, felt no pain, just the anger, and I threw it all away. Out of sight - but not completely out of mind.

The only things I can figure that's got me all worked up is... 

1) my friends telling me how he's playing Daddy to posOG's little girl, dropping the child off and picking her up from school with posOG like they're one big happy family. This when the douchecanoe never wanted a child while with me. But to be fair - I didn't want a child while I was with him either - the way I saw it was I already had a walking, talking 32 year old child who couldn't care for himself. Now I'm away from him and I don't know if it's just crazy horomones or what but I'm all "damn it, I do want a kid but even if I had one today I'd be 50 by the time the kid made it outta the house!" I feel like I'm being stupid about the whole thing - so I probably am.

2) The fact that when I was leaving he told me he needed this time to "grow up and learn to take care of himself so he could be a better man" for me. Yeah, yeah - at the time I thought he was sincere - after a couple weeks passed I realized he was blowing smoke up my a$$ so he wouldn't feel so bad about what he did/was doing. But even with that realization it still pisses me off that he can't pay me back the $ he promised nor can he even give me a heads up that he won't be making a payment, that he got evicted from what used to be our rental house together (I do believe he only made 1 rent payment after I left), but even that doesn't really matter being as how he's so completely codependant that he pretty much moved in and has been living with posOG since the night I moved out. I guess, bottom line, it's his damn lie that is pissing me off - but why???

I know some, if not the majority of it, is causing I'm allowing myself to put my focus on him - even when I know he doesn't derserve it. I thought getting rid of all the stuff having to do with him would help, and help it did, but you just can't get rid of memories or thoughts. I don't even focus on memories of him - I just keep focusing on what a POS he is and how one day he'll occupy his own special place in hell!!! I think about how his life is complete and utter sh!t right now, even if he doesn't see that - which he probably doesn't - but I and a great majority of our acquaintances do. And I know I don't want him back, I can't even stand the sight of him - but being as how I never see him that works out in my favor.

Urgh, I'm just plain pissed! I think what started all of this was when I tried to remove him from our car insurance policy last week. Apparently I can't do that until our divorce is final - so I have to wait until pretty much October of next year to be completely rid of him. He doesn't even pay me the $20 per month for his portion of the damn car insurance! WTF??? How pathedic is that???!!! So I'm still left wiping his a$$ until then???!!! Complete bullsh!t!!!


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

First off, I'm so proud of how far you've come, in such a short time.

I always go back and read the first few pages of someone's thread, and it never ceases to amaze me.

I think it's natural to feel some anger towards a walk-away spouse, especially if you haven't forgiven them. 

Your ex has put you through the ringer, and you have every right to be pissed at him, as long as its not consuming you. But, I think you're well aware that even being angry with him is giving him too much of your focus and emotion. He doesn't deserve it. He deserves nothing from you, except complete indifference. Personally, the only way I could attain indifference was by forgiving him, first, and then forgiving myself for being his doormat. And PS, forgiving myself was a lot harder than forgiving him.

EE, I had a really hard time with the baby thing. In fact, I think it's what kept my focus on a failed marriage, for so long. The thought of my ex helping someone else raise a child got to me, but the fact that I was 31, with no children, really played with my emotions. At times, I still get worked up about it, but I know that it'll all work out, one day. Right now, though, I am beyond thankful I never had children with my ex. That, in itself, is proof that everything happens for a reason. I'm glad you didn't procreate with your douchecanoe, too, because you'd be tied to him a lot longer than October 2013. 

Try to forgive him, dear. Otherwise, your emotions will be held captive to his sorry ass. 

You're such an amazing chick, with so much to offer. 

Don't give him an ounce of your energy.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Thanks, babydoll, for all of your kind words. 

You're right - I owe the man nothing and I do need to work on forgiving him, my problem there is I have no idea where to start...? I have 10 years of resentment just built up and I have no clue of where/how it should go. And that also goes kinda hand in hand with the forgiving myself thing when what I really wanna do is bang my head against the wall and be all "how could you be so stupid!!!???"

How do I even go about beginning that? I honestly have no clue. I have so much anger towards him - how do I let that go?

And I, too, am glad I didn't procreate with his dumbass - I guess it more goes into me thinking "well, damn, I wasted the best years of my life on that fvcktard." Yeah, the last thing I would've needed was another person to raise at the time! And I guess at the same time it kinda digusts me him acting like this child's dad - I mean, really, who the hell is he to be a role model and raise a kid? The child could probably teach him a lesson or two on how to properly live life...


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I know we shouldn't allow ourselves to be consumed with our ex's, but I'm finding it rather hard myself lately. Probably because its Xmas and this is the 1st Xmas alone. I seem to go days where I'm mostly fine, but then it all hits me hard like it just happened. As much as I try, I find myself at moments feeling completely lost and just missing her. Everywhere I look is a memory that just sneaks its way into my mind and torments me. Just doesn't feel like Xmas to me. Usually Xmas makes me happy and jovial. This year I just dread all the time alone, no presents under the tree and just have a overall empty feeling.

I know this doesn't help you EE. I wish I had the right things to say and do to make you forget this guy and be content and happy right now, but I don't. I do agree with Katy though. You are a amazing person and as a spokesperson for the opposite sex I can say any man would be overjoyed just to have your attention for a few minutes. The guy you describe sounds like a total loser and way beneath you. You deserve everything you hope and pray for this Xmas and Santa needs to get off his a$$ and deliver the goods!

When all is said and done I truly hope you have a Merry Xmas and I hope the New Year brings with it a flood of optimism and hope for a bright future for you. Throughout this whole ordeal for me, whenever I felt messed up or anxious you were always there with a kind word or a 2x4 to straighten me out. Me: A total stranger.

I think this speaks volumes about how great a person you are and what a beautiful heart beats beneath that chest of yours. There are a lot of cold, ruthless and self centered people out there and you are not one of them. Anger and hate doesn't suit you. Let it go for your own sake.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> How do I even go about beginning that? I honestly have no clue. I have so much anger towards him - how do I let that go?


For me, positive reinforcement in IC, juxtaposed with his repeated maniacal behavior, forced me to realize I was living a lie.

Once I realized I was lying to myself to hold on to a fantasy, it became more about me, than anything.

At that point, I didn't care about what he was doing, or what he'd done.

All I knew was I didn't want to hold myself captive any longer.

That's when I started going to IC twice a week and begging her to challenge me. 

I pulled out all the stops and found the root of my problems - my core issues.

I discovered they didn't begin with my ex, but that I allowed him to exacerbate them.

I wasn't forced to marry a piece of sh*t, but I chose to do so.

There were red flags all over the place that I failed to acknowledge.

How could I be so mad at him, for something I allowed him to do?

He was always the same person, but I was hellbent on making him the man I wanted him to be.

That wasn't his fault. It was mine.

When you really, truly own your own failures, forgiving him will be the easiest thing you've ever done, because you will understand its no longer about him, but yourself, instead.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Santa needs to get off his a$$ and deliver the goods!


Ha! I've been thinking/wishing the same thing for a while now!



NoWhere said:


> When all is said and done I truly hope you have a Merry Xmas and I hope the New Year brings with it a flood of optimism and hope for a bright future for you.


Thank you, darlin' - I truely wish the same for you as well - we deserve it after this last year, damn it!



NoWhere said:


> There are a lot of cold, ruthless and self centered people out there and you are not one of them. Anger and hate doesn't suit you. Let it go for your own sake.


And thank you, again. You're right - the hate and anger doesn't suit me - I just have such a hard time letting it go - I feel like if I do it's just one more thing I'm letting him get away with.

Maybe this will be my New Years resolution - cause Lord knows the quitting smoking thing never sticks! - to practice the art of letting go completely...


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> For me, positive reinforcement in IC, juxtaposed with his repeated maniacal behavior, forced me to realize I was living a lie.
> 
> Once I realized I was lying to myself to hold on to a fantasy, it became more about me, than anything.
> 
> ...


See - I wish I could afford some IC!!! I think I know what some of my issues are and like you said above - I know damn well they didn't start with STBXH but I did allow him to make them worse.



HappyKaty said:


> I wasn't forced to marry a piece of sh*t, but I chose to do so.
> 
> There were red flags all over the place that I failed to acknowledge.


:iagree: Yump, yump - same here!!!!



HappyKaty said:


> How could I be so mad at him, for something I allowed him to do?
> 
> He was always the same person, but I was hellbent on making him the man I wanted him to be.


That right there is something I need to work on. I know I allowed him to do many things in the hopes that one day he would wake up and magically be the man I thought he could be. Funny, cause even he told me a time or two that I knew who he was when I got together with him. Now that he's gone and I'm seeing and hearing the things that are going on with his life it only serves to reaffirm that he'll never be the man I need.



HappyKaty said:


> When you really, truly own your own failures, forgiving him will be the easiest thing you've ever done, because you will understand its no longer about him, but yourself, instead.


That's where I need to get to - what I need to work on. Owning my own sh!t, I guess would be the best way for me to put it.

Thank you for the insight, babygirl, you've given me some stuff to chew on!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Eternal.

Caring about yourself is the first step.

When you start to realize that all the hate, stress and mind wanderings do YOU absolutely no good.

The feeling of being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

It's not until you hit that point that you can truly start owning your mistakes and move forward.

Without self awareness, the "you" that you really want to be will continue to battle the delusions of the past.

That's where all the confusion comes from.

The feeling of "why can't I "get it" like they do?".

You have other methods to get a hold of me if you need to.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

EE

You are doing great.

Patience.

Thank God you never had children with butthead.

I think he owes you the money and should not be allowed to get way with that. But only if contact does not bring you down or get you more upset.

Enjoy Xmas with your family.

Life will get better one you have him out of your life for good.

HM64


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

EE, I've read your thread though yesterday and it had such an impact on me and really inspired me to start living instead of waiting for the H toward ip, if ever he does. You're a real inspiration and your attitude is just the tonic I need. xox


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Chopsy said:


> EE, I've read your thread though yesterday and it had such an impact on me and really inspired me to start living instead of waiting for the H toward ip, if ever he does. You're a real inspiration and your attitude is just the tonic I need. xox


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Chopsy said:


> EE, I've read your thread though yesterday and it had such an impact on me and really inspired me to start living instead of waiting for the H toward ip, if ever he does. You're a real inspiration and your attitude is just the tonic I need. xox


I feel the same EE.I had the same good feeling on reading this thread.Me too am getting divorce,there is no tears for HIM but just for being assoiciated with a PIECE OF CRAP like HIM ever.:smthumbup:

goog luck.Merry christmas and a very happy new year to all of you!!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Chopsy & jmb123...
Thank you both for your kind and awesome words! They really mean a lot to me - and to read that the situation I'm going thru and how I'm handling inspires people, well, that's just wow! Thank you both again very much!!! You've really made my day!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Chopsy & jmb123...
> Thank you both for your kind and awesome words! They really mean a lot to me - and to read that the situation I'm going thru and how I'm handling inspires people, well, that's just wow! Thank you both again very much!!! You've really made my day!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How you doing ee?


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> How you doing ee?


Hey, cutie!!!

Been doing good - was busy at work this week what with wrapping everything up for the year end... now I have the next week and a half off to do... well... nothing!!! Except Thurday - still gotta go in and do payroll and order an a/c for a customer in Venezuela...

Got all the Christmas shopping done - still procrastinating on the wrapping - cross your fingers for me that I'll get it done tomorrow!!!

I've been working on taking my focus off STBXH - it seems to be getting better as much of my anger has subsided... for now. I'm sure there'll be times when it decides to rear it's ugly head again but for now I've just decided to recognize when and what I'm doing as far as focusing on him and pretty much just change the subject in my mind. Does that make any sense? :scratchhead:

I am excited thou - I'd mentioned before about wanting to join the local gun range and it seems I am getting closer to doing so. Filed my "Permit to Purchase" applications with the local sheriff's office yesterday - permits should be ready on January second!!! Today I'm going with a friend to local shops to go window shopping and once the permits go thru I plan on taking a ride out west of here to a huge gun shop to purchase my handgun. Along with the window shopping today I'm hoping to find a nice shotgun - a bunch of friends have been trying to get me into skeet shooting and I'm all for it!!!

I'm trying to go out and do things for me that I haven't been able to do the last 10 years. What with the welding classes next month D) and getting into the target and skeet shooting I'm pretty freakin' stoked. I'm happy to go out and find new things I'm good at - or at least want to be good at! 

So yeah, busy day today - already got regular running around done this morning... window/shotgun shopping this afternoon and then me and SG are supposed to be getting together this evening to grab something to eat and hopefully I can convince him to watch the movie Lawless - I've been wanting to see it forever. I have to admit thou - I need to find some time to sneak a nap in there as the little Pug Nuggs decided to wake me up very early this morning and not even Dunkin' coffee could wake me up...


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Hey, EE! Sounds like you've got a lot of good things ahead. You did sign up for the welding classes? Yay!! You've got to give updates on how they go. 

Good luck on getting your wrapping done. I'm still cleaning, and shopping, and crafting...and haven't started baking yet. 

Oh, well, some people will get Happy New Year presents instead of Christmas presents. 

Take care, sweetie!!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

AP - you best get on that baking - I'd hate to be camping out in my igloo without any of your tasty baked goods to munch on!!!

Yup, welding classes start on the 8th - 2X a week all the way till April 25th! I'm super stoked - just hoping I don't make an ass is myself!!!

Yeah, gift wrapping has never been my thing, I'm always putting it off till the very last minute... On day I'll learn thou... Maybe!!! 

Well, I hope you get all your projects done, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!!! Take care, babe!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

You are awesome! You sound like you are doing great. I love your new hobbies.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

So how is the wrapping going? 

i know what you mean about the focus. I think of the ex for a second and then do something to change my focus. The good news is you can recognize when you are doing it. 

I saw your christmas presents on facebook and love them. 

Have a great day!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Ha! Wrapping is now done minus two presents that are supposed to arrive in the mail tomorrow. Did I ever mention how much I totally hate wrapping presents - cause I do. 

Yeah, I got my focus in check today for the most part. Getting ready to go to a memorial for an aquaitance who passed early this week - good chance STBXH will be there and I'm not too bothered about the possibility of seeing him. If I do it'll be the first time seeing him in 1-1/2 months. And I'm all "whatevs."

I love my new presents, too! I'm itching to get out there and break 'em in!!!

Hope your day is going good, babe!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, went to the memorial and I was right... STBXH showed up with posOG.

I'd already been there a while when he walked in and made a line for me - I don't what he was thinking - he comes up to me and the first words outta his mouth are "I'll have you that money I owe you after Christmas." I admit my heart was pounding cause I really didn't expect him to say anything to me - but the pounding subsided quickly. He then proceeded to ttell me how one of his employers screwed him over and blah, blah, blah - nothing was ever STBXH's fault, you know?  I just nodded my head and went with it.

STBXH's best friend was really close with the guy who passed away and it'd been 3 months since I spoke with the best friend so naturally once we saw each other (best friend, we'll call M, and I have known each other since freshman year high school - and well, he is STBXH's friend so I saw him almost everyday up until the split) we just talked and talked and talked. I noticed STBXH standing off on the other side of the room killing time - after about 25 minutes STBXH came up and told me he was getting ready to leave to which I just gave one nod of the head - he gave M and akaward hug and went out the door which M and I were standing by... well, about 2 minutes later posOG sticks her head in and grabs M's attention, tells him to come by to hang out with her and STBXH later - posOG then turns on her heel and leaves. M turns to me, shakes his head and says "I cannot fvcking stand that girl. I make STBXH call and ask permission from me before his brings posOG to my house. Nobody can tolerate her." That. Made. Me. Smile.

It seems kinda petty to me that STBXH's friends not liking posOG makes me smile - but it does - make me smile. And I'm not bothered by it. I felt like posOG was going to replace me but she obviously didn't and can't - that makes me warm. Meanwhile M, who lives literally right around the corner from me, assures me I didn't lose him in the divorce and to come over and hang out whenever I wanted - and hey, bring the pug!

M also went on to say how he wasn't suprised STBXH lost the house and everything a month after I left, how STBXH was just making the biggest mistake being with posOG and how it would never last between the two of them - to which I agreed. The kicker thou was when M made the comment that STBXH "was the very definition of codependant and no relationship would ever work out for him until he gets right with that." That realy made me smile.

It's weird, cause I kinda feel like I've been proven that I'm not crazy. It feels really good to know there's people directly related to the situation that are all "wtf, idiot!?" too...


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

I don't know how you do it, EE, but I give you mad props.

Had I been in your shoes, when posOG stuck her head in the door, I probably would've punched it.

Your ex is such a craptastic POS, and apparently has grown some balls in the past couple of months.

Since when does he take the initiative to talk to you?

Oh, I know...he couldn't stand seeing you talk to anyone else, so he had to make himself the center of your attention.

What a child.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Way to go EE.

As always you are "ever the lady"

Make sure Dufus makes good on paying you.

Have a great Xmas with your family.......

.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> I don't know how you do it, EE, but I give you mad props.
> 
> Had I been in your shoes, when posOG stuck her head in the door, I probably would've punched it.
> 
> ...


Well thank you, darlin'!

Yeah, him coming right up to me surprised the hell outta me, too! He was probably afraid I'd say something to him in front of his friends - which I totally wouldn't have, that was so not the place to discuss that. I was even more surprised he told me he was leaving - I don't remember "care" being written anywhere on my face...

PosOG - well, that bothered me less than seeing him. I'm sure the new found knowledge I had of his friends not liking her helped - kinda reiterated the fact to me that she wasn't worth my time. She's gotta live with herself - I'm lucky to not have to acknowledge her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Just stopping by to wish you a Merry Christmas, EE!! Hope you're doing OK.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Thank you, AP!

Doing good - it is a little wierd - our 1st Christmas not together, and knowing he's out there celebrating it with his "new" family... yeah, kinda weird feeling. That on top of this dream I had this morning where in the dream I confronted and went off on a posOG about taking my H (in the dream thou it wasn't his posOG - the chick in the dream was some girl we used to hang with in high school...). I woke up remembering the dream and instanstly thinking of HM64's comment yesterday (that I loved) about me being "ever the lady" - I had to smile to - I guess I'm a lady in public and just go off on people in my dreams! 

Oh well, it's a new era of Christmas's - so I'm making the most of it and my time off! Getting ready to go see my 2nd family in a bit after having an awesome steak dinner with my 1st family... one of my closest friends comes in tonight from outta town so we'll be spending time together this week then M and I are supposed to go see some Django Unchained sometime this week... so yeah - it's gonna be a good time!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Way to go EE.
> 
> As always you are "ever the lady"
> 
> ...


I tried replying to this yesterday, HM64, but my phone started to hate me...

I love, love, love the "ever the lady" comment - you don't know how much that made me smile - and still is!!!

I'll try and make sure Dufus pays me - honestly, I believe it when I see it - or we can wait for the courts to take care of it next year... either way I'm so not holding my breath!!!

I am having a good Christmas with my fam's - I hope you are, too, darlin'!


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

I really feel, the POSGL should not be the one who is to be despised ;She may or may not be a bad person;depends on what the STBXH told her ;It was the STBXH who is actually the one who wronged you!!He is the real POS here!!!

GOod that neither of them bothered you in any manner.

Merry Christmas and a Happy happy new Year.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> I really feel, the POSGL should not be the one who is to be despised ;She may or may not be a bad person;depends on what the STBXH told her ;It was the STBXH who is actually the one who wronged you!!He is the real POS here!!!
> 
> GOod that neither of them bothered you in any manner.
> 
> Merry Christmas and a Happy happy new Year.


Merry Christmas and happy new year to you as well, babe!

I see where you're coming from with it not being all her fault - and I'm not saying it is either. If I was to lay out what I think it would be that it is all 3 of our faults to some point. Mine for not recognizing and addressing problems in my marriage like I should have. His because - well, that doesn't need much explanation... And hers as well for being someone who went from wanting to be my friend to being someone so low they thought it was ok to start a relationship with a married man. But like I said, that's just how I feel - everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Sorry EE, I missed it somewhere that the POSG was your shame- in- the -name- of -a- FRIEND;She is now sure to rot in HELL along with that dirtbag ,the STBXH;

And le us not blame ourselves for not being able to address the problems in our marraige;Atleast we did not tun away and cheat!!


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

I meant run away and not tun away


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

It's cool, sweetie. 

She was never my friend - she just tried really hard to be for the longest time but I never had a good feeling about her, it was like my gut was telling me to beware... So I guess she just decided to get cozy with my STBXH instead. 

I do agree thou - at least I didn't run away from our problems. I recongnized them too late, but I did try my hardest to remedy them when I did. 

I believe we all learn from mistakes, not just our own but even other people's mistakes around us. That's what I'm trying to do - learn from all of this, move on and be a much better person after all this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Merry Christmas, doll face!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

EE

You made me laugh reading about your dream.

Keep being "Ever the Lady". I am disappointed that I was not in your dream however! Lol.

And those dreams mean something so think about it in your spare time.

I hope your Xmas's are awesome.

Keep dreaming. Because I promise you one day when you wake up you will be in a much better place in your own life.

Make it happen girl. The sky is the limit when the boat anchor is gone.....

HM64


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

> I do agree thou - at least I didn't run away from our problems. I recongnized them too late, but I did try my hardest to remedy them when I did


. 

You might not have been too late. I think your STBXH was already gone. It takes two to fix things. And he is very immature.

The guy cannot even pay you back the $$$ he owes you, how the heck could you expect him to work on your marriage.

He is a boy, you need a man.

There nothing wrong with that understanding.

But that is just my guess.

You take care of you!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Thanks, HM64! I'll keep working on those dreams - maybe if I recite your name a bunch on times before I doze off then you'll be in them, too!!! 

Well, it seems that my Christmas vacation is to be a demonstration on my part of showing that I can constantly be "ever the lady" and not go off the deep end and give into my dreams...

Had a great day yesterday with my families - got home around 10pm - decided to chill and watch some Netlfix (for those of you who haven't seen The Devil's Rock - don't bother!!!) anywho - watching said craptastic movie when I get a text at 11:30pm and guess who it was from...? STBXH.

He texts that he wasn't sure if I would want to hear from him on the holiday, tells me merry Christmas and that he hopes I had a really good day.

:scratchhead:

I, of course, am all "WTF, dude? Of course I didn't wanna hear from you today - or any day for that matter unless it ends up being the lucky day that you do actually have my $ in hand!!!" 

I waited about 10 minutes before rounding up my not so lady like thoughts and texted back "Thanks, had a great day. Hope you did, too. Merry Christmas."

Urgh. I really liked the last 1-1/2 months where I didn't see or hear from him at all - now it's 2x in 3 days... 

So onto today... I headed to Walmart this morning to see if I could find me a gun cleaning kit. Day after Christmas - our Walmart is packed. Who, pray tell, do I come within striking distance of? posOG. I said nothing. Yes, I made eye contact for the look of horror and the view of her mouth hitting the floor were simply much too much for me to resist witnessing. Still - other than admiring the view I continued on and said nothing. Well, nothing until we were out of earshot, as I was with my mother - then I asked her if she "saw the mousey looking b!tch in white cause she's STBXH's new girlfriend?"

Ever. The. Lady.

That's how I roll!!! :smthumbup:


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Well, nothing until we were out of earshot, as I was with my mother - then I asked her if she* "saw the mousey looking b!tch in white cause she's STBXH's new girlfriend?"*


:rofl:

I. Love. You.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

It would have been ladylike to walk up to her (with the gun kit in hand) and tell her nicely that STBXH owes you money and that you are getting impatient.

Then you should have said it WaS nice hearing from him on Xmas with a big smile on your face.

Then you should have wished her a Merry Christmas and skipped away........

Kill them with kindness I always say.

Have a great dream tonight! 

HM64


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, it's been a bit...

Started my welding class last night - I was so excited, still am - but no welding yet! We just spent the night going over safety stuff and being shown around the classroom as to where everything like tools, supplies, safety gear is located. It's a really nice setup they got going over there, the building/classroom is only a couple years old and pretty fancy - much more fancy than the back of my shop where I work and have been playing around with some stick and mig welding with the help of the guys I work with - they're so supportive and patient with me!  It looks like Thursday night we'll start welding in the class. There's 10 people enrolled, 3 of which have taken welding classes before so they're ahead of the game and one guy who I swear looks exactly like Elijah Wood which is very distracting - not cause I find Elijah Wood attractive or anything but more because I just have some insane urge to call him Frodo - I know, I'm weird... There's an older chick in the class too who said she used to weld like 10 years ago, she seems nice. Then of course all the rest are dudes but I expected that. I was a tad dissapointed thou cause the course outline read that if you completed 80% of the class then you'd be eligble for certification - well, that certification turns out to just be thru the school - not an actual welder certification - for that you have to sit for some 6 hour test, 1/2 written and 1/2 welding, I think it costs like $500 to take and then get this - it expires if you haven't done any welding in 6 months! I would like to get certified but not sure what I can do to stay certified... But all in all I like the class so far - I'm just anxious to get to the actual welding part instead of the talking part. We're gonna be focusing on stick welding for the first 7 weeks cause it's the hardest then move on to the Mig and Tig. Like I said, the guys I work with have been letting me play around with it during our lunch hour and I love it - the hour goes by so fast! I'm not that good at it... yet! I move my stick too fast so I don't get a nice bead going but I do a little better every day - the first day I tried it I kept getting my rod stuck to what I was trying to weld instead of making an arc but it just taked time. The teacher is reallt encouraging, too - so that helps.

I finally got out to our local shooting range this past Saturday to play with my new Christmas presents. Target shooting is very relaxing, I must say, in releaving built up tension. I ran almost 100 rounds thru my .380 and about 30 thru my shotgun - we got started on the skeet range late or else I'd have run much more thru the shotgun as I favor her more than the pistol. I do have a nice green bruise on my upper arm from where I got a bit over zealous on the skeet range and didn't butt her up to my shoulder - oh well, lesson learnt and now I have this cool bruise that when people ask I can be all "yeah, that's just from firing off my 870 Wingmaster - nothing serious..." I'm hoping to get back out there again this Saturday - I'd do it every Saturday if I could but then buying all that ammo would put me in the poor house! I did purchase a memebership thou so I can go as much as my little heart desires! I must note thou that claning guns is nowhere near as fun as firing them! Doing it for the first time took me about 2 hours for fully breaking them down and a very good cleaning...


Other than that I've just been keeping busy at work and hanging out with my few friends. Nothing has really changed/happened on the STBXH front. Of course I still haven't seen any money out of the lazy ba$tard - even after he approached me over the holidays and told me he'd have it to me after Christmas - guess I should've asked for a more solid date of payment from him... cause you know, 4th of July is after Christmas so maybe that's when he plans on finally making his payments to me???!!! 

Still having some weird dreams thou... Monday night's dream featured me strangling him and posOG (who in the dream still wasn't actual posOG but that other girl again I went off on in the last dream I mentioned... odd, very odd) so I take it that I still have some anger issues to resolve there. Please don't think I'd actually strangle them, I mean, the thought is nice but I have morals people! And niether of them is worth good bail money anyways!!!

Oh, and as a note, SG (the guy I've been seeing when time permits) will be moving to SC in about a month and a half. He'd been talking about finding another job as he hates his current one (I have no idea why - it's an awesome job IMHO) so I'm not really suprised. I did think I'd be kind of down about it but I'm really not. SG is really nice but I think he's one of those people who when it comes down to it aren't really happy with themselves and choose to go searching for something to make them happy instead of trying to find the happiness within. Does that make any sense? I know what I'm trying to convey in my head but I don't think it's coming out on the keyboard correctly... :scratchhead:

I don't know - this dating/seeing people thing is weird. I've been out of the game for soooo long!!! I'll admit, a part of me does want to be dating someone but at the same time I'm kinda "meh..." about the whole thing. Plus it's kinda hard for me to find someone in my area - turns out most country boys are kinda intimidated and/or not attracted to a chick with tons of tattoos - but hey, their loss! I'll find someone one day. I think the thing that bothers me thou is the fact of STBXH having posOG - and I know that's NO reason what so ever for me to go get involved with someone just because they're together - it just makes me frustrated that he has some relationship (be it based on severe codependancy) and I do not. I guess I just need to see ithem as what they really are - 2 sorry excuses for people who are in a relationship that is gauranteed to backfire eventually.

Well, that's about it for now... pretty much a novel I've written, I know! I'll make a point to check in on Friday at let you know how my first real welding class goes... cross your fingers I don't catch the place on fire!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> I don't know - this dating/seeing people thing is weird. I've been out of the game for soooo long!!! I'll admit, a part of me does want to be dating someone but at the same time I'm kinda "meh..." about the whole thing. Plus it's kinda hard for me to find someone in my area - turns out most country boys are kinda intimidated and/or not attracted to a chick with tons of tattoos - but hey, their loss! I'll find someone one day.*I think the thing that bothers me thou is the fact of STBXH having posOG - and I know that's NO reason what so ever for me to go get involved with someone just because they're together - it just makes me frustrated that he has some relationship (be it based on severe codependancy) and I do not. I guess I just need to see ithem as what they really are - 2 sorry excuses for people who are in a relationship that is gauranteed to backfire eventually.*


[email protected] girl - similar thoughts have been floating around my head lately. My ex is MARRIED - not even just a GF but a brand new fricken wife. But him being married does get me frustrated. Even though I KNOW it's b/c he can't be by himself, I KNOW its b/c he has a need for constant ego kibbles, I KNOW its b/c he has abondonment issues...I know all of this. But its still brings me down a little bit. 

I'm sure its b/c I know I want to get married. I want to be someone's wife. I want to have someone special to share my days with. I know their relationship is superficial or whatever since they have known each other around 5 months total. Maybe I just imagine their marriage being the type of marriage I want and that is what brings me down. I know its not, I know my marriage ideas and values are WAY DIFFERENT than the ex so I just wish my head would stop f*cking with me sometimes....lol. 

And EE, I do have to say you are one kick @ss chick. Firing range? Welding?? Love it.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> [email protected] girl - similar thoughts have been floating around my head lately. My ex is MARRIED - not even just a GF but a brand new fricken wife. But him being married does get me frustrated. Even though I KNOW it's b/c he can't be by himself, I KNOW its b/c he has a need for constant ego kibbles, I KNOW its b/c he has abondonment issues...I know all of this. But its still brings me down a little bit.


1st off - the "ego kibbles" - brilliant line and I am so stealing it! Sounds like our ex's were cut from the same cloth... But yours being married and only knowing each other for 5 months - damn, that must be hard to swallow - I think I'd be even crazier than I already am if that was my STBXH's case. Kudos for you thou for handling it well - recognizing their relationship for what it really boils down to even with the annoying thoughts going thru our brains!



vi_bride04 said:


> I'm sure its b/c I know I want to get married. I want to be someone's wife. I want to have someone special to share my days with. I know their relationship is superficial or whatever since they have known each other around 5 months total. Maybe I just imagine their marriage being the type of marriage I want and that is what brings me down. I know its not, I know my marriage ideas and values are WAY DIFFERENT than the ex so I just wish my head would stop f*cking with me sometimes....lol.


:iagree: That's me, too!!! I know I wanna be married and want someone to share my life with. I know what they have in the end is built upon pure BS and what I want would be something much more solid but the mind - well, it's a powerful thing that loves to mess with me!



vi_bride04 said:


> And EE, I do have to say you are one kick @ss chick. Firing range? Welding?? Love it.


Thank you so much, vi! I really am trying to get out there and do things I have an interest in (things I let STBXH hold me back from) and enjoy them as much as I can. Plus I've found both of them help with relieving stress and help keep my mind off the non to pleasant thoughts!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> 1st off - the "ego kibbles" - brilliant line and I am so stealing it! Sounds like our ex's were cut from the same cloth... But yours being married and only knowing each other for 5 months - damn, that must be hard to swallow - I think I'd be even crazier than I already am if that was my STBXH's case. Kudos for you thou for handling it well - recognizing their relationship for what it really boils down to even with the annoying thoughts going thru our brains!


Well I actually stole "ego kibbles" from Chumplady. She has a great blog and this article really helped me come to peace with my ex and his NPD traits....its a good read! Ego Kibbles

Lets see, 5 months is the current time frame they have known each other unless he was involved with her way before I even found the chat logs with a different woman...

I moved out the last week of June 2012, he was engaged by Oct 3rd (gotta love FB). Our divorce was final on Dec 6, 2012 and he was married on Dec 22, 2012. He did mention meeting someone in Aug to me around mid-Sept and if that is true, he "fell in love" with her not even a month from when he broke into my house begging me back. Yes, it did fvck with my head for a couple of months. He was keeping it such a hush hush secret with everyone and I KNOW didn't want me to find out. Fvcks with my head even more as it makes me wonder how long he really has known her and if it went further back into our marriage than I realize.....thats what drives me crazy. Did he know her in 2011? Was the EA I thought he was in with a coworker not even the right person I accused him of? ugh...

Anyways he sucks and its obvious has no sense of self to jump into such a serious relationship 2 weeks after his 8 yr marriage is officially over. 



Eternal Embrace said:


> :iagree: That's me, too!!! I know I wanna be married and want someone to share my life with. I know what they have in the end is built upon pure BS and what I want would be something much more solid but the mind - well, it's a powerful thing that loves to mess with me!
> 
> 
> Thank you so much, vi! I really am trying to get out there and do things I have an interest in (things I let STBXH hold me back from) and enjoy them as much as I can. Plus I've found both of them help with relieving stress and help keep my mind off the non to pleasant thoughts!


Same here!!!! My photography, dogs, dancing, how I eat....just simple things that the ex always talked down to me about or said were stupid or thought were dumb. I would like to try some new things and have thought about *maybe* trying a firing range. Guns freak me out so maybe learning how to shoot one will help me get over my fears. I have increased my travel about 200% since I left. I love to travel. The ex did not. That is really helping me get out of my shell, meet new and different people and get comfortable being alone. I go to Cancun next month all by myself...going to be an adventure for sure but a total life changing experience I feel. Definitely going to use it for a "soul searching" type trip. 

Funny how much and fast things change in a year. Last Feb, the ex and I had a 10 day vacation in Hawaii. If you would have told me I would be traveling to Cancun, by myself, as a 32 yr old single gal a year later I would have thought you were nuts. Not only would I NOT have done something like that, but thinking I would be divorced from my husband...no way. 

Heres to living life, EE! :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Hey, EE -- go, YOU!! :smthumbup: I was wondering when the welding class was going to get started. Sounds awesome. If I ever get my house, I'm sure it will have to be a fixer-upper, so I'll probably have to invest in some wiring classes or some such. I'm sure I'll just fit that in with everything else, haha.

And I totally understand how you and vi feel, too. Logically I know about all the dysfunctional things with Chinless and Trampire, but that little feeling creeps in once in a while saying "Well, hey, if they're so messed up, and they still found each other and seem so happy, what the hell does that say about you, sitting there alone? Pretty much backs up what you know he tells people about the break-up." -- and I don't even know what he tells people, but I imagine it's not flattering to me. :rofl:

I _know_ that appearances are deceiving -- I've been in that exact same situation with that exact same man. I know that what appears to be 'happiness' with them isn't real, and won't last. But while I don't ever really want to get married again, I'd really like to have someone special to share parts of my life with. And I'd like to think that's _more_ not _less_ possible or likely with all the work I've been trying to do on myself. It does get me down if I think about it, so I try to just not think about it.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

You rock, EE!

I love reading your updates!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> Yes, it did fvck with my head for a couple of months. He was keeping it such a hush hush secret with everyone and I KNOW didn't want me to find out. Fvcks with my head even more as it makes me wonder how long he really has known her and if it went further back into our marriage than I realize.....thats what drives me crazy. Did he know her in 2011? Was the EA I thought he was in with a coworker not even the right person I accused him of? ugh...


That is exactly 1/2 my damn problem! I keep finding more things out or just finally connections between things he said or did and then I'm all "ohhhhh... so that's what that was really about" shortly followed by "damn, I must've been freakin' blind!!!" And that, I don't know if I wanna say it makes the whole thing hurt more - it doesn't really hurt, it's more like some sinking feeling that makes me realize he so isn't the person I thought he was and he hadn't been that person for a long time even before I left. I think the most disapointing thing was I had put him on this pedestal and thought he was the best person I had in my life when in all actuality he turned out to be the most toxic person in my life - and that's saying a lot because before him I dated some real low lifes!



vi_bride04 said:


> Anyways he sucks and its obvious has no sense of self to jump into such a serious relationship 2 weeks after his 8 yr marriage is officially over.


Yump! Same with mine!!! I find it sad that my ex didn't even take the time to process what went wrong in our relationship before practicaly moving in with posOG the week after I left. But not sad on my part - more like pity for him that he continues to rug sweep and knowing that as long as he continues he'll never find true love and happiness.




vi_bride04 said:


> Same here!!!! My photography, dogs, dancing, how I eat....just simple things that the ex always talked down to me about or said were stupid or thought were dumb. I would like to try some new things and have thought about *maybe* trying a firing range. Guns freak me out so maybe learning how to shoot one will help me get over my fears. I have increased my travel about 200% since I left. I love to travel. The ex did not. That is really helping me get out of my shell, meet new and different people and get comfortable being alone. I go to Cancun next month all by myself...going to be an adventure for sure but a total life changing experience I feel. Definitely going to use it for a "soul searching" type trip.


I knew you travelled a bunch and I admire you for that - I wish I had the funds to do the same cause there's tons of places I would love to go. And it's so refreshing to do the things you've always wanted to do that they didn't or they talked trash on - it gives me the feeling of "See, I can do this without you and it's f'n awesome!"

If you *maybe* get into going to a range - go with a friend who is familiar with or has a variety of guns to introduce you to. That way you can shot different arms and see what you're most comfy with. I have a tiny automatic pistol and a huge pump action shotgun - I prefer the shotgun thou just cause of the sheer bada$$-ness of it. Everything fires differently/has a different kickback so there's no telling what you may be comfortable with. And some ranges actually have courses that teach you gun safety and handling, too.



vi_bride04 said:


> Funny how much and fast things change in a year. Last Feb, the ex and I had a 10 day vacation in Hawaii. If you would have told me I would be traveling to Cancun, by myself, as a 32 yr old single gal a year later I would have thought you were nuts. Not only would I NOT have done something like that, but thinking I would be divorced from my husband...no way.


You don't know how many times that exact thought of things changing so fast has gone thru my head these last 4 months. It's crazy and it just goes to show you how true that damn header is at the top of the page...



vi_bride04 said:


> Heres to living life, EE! :smthumbup:


Hells yeah, babydoll!!! All the way!!!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Hey, EE -- go, YOU!! :smthumbup: I was wondering when the welding class was going to get started. Sounds awesome. If I ever get my house, I'm sure it will have to be a fixer-upper, so I'll probably have to invest in some wiring classes or some such. I'm sure I'll just fit that in with everything else, haha.


1st - Thanks, AP!!! So far, it is awesome - and with the practicing at my shop with the guys (even if only for an hour a day) I can see myself getting a tiny bit better every day and it makes me feel soooo good!!!

2nd - I don't know how you do it with your schedule - I am convinced you have some secret machine that extends all the hours in your day so you can accomplish more than us mere mortals!  I think you'd rock an electrical class thou - the place I work actually specializes in marine electrical/mechanical and while I've picked up a few things over the years I still have a big fear of getting bit by 250VAC! Which is kinda dumb on my part cause what I'm doing now could pretty much burn a hole thru me!



angelpixie said:


> And I totally understand how you and vi feel, too. Logically I know about all the dysfunctional things with Chinless and Trampire, *but that little feeling creeps in once in a while saying "Well, hey, if they're so messed up, and they still found each other and seem so happy, what the hell does that say about you, sitting there alone? *Pretty much backs up what you know he tells people about the break-up." -- and I don't even know what he tells people, but I imagine it's not flattering to me. :rofl:
> 
> I _know_ that appearances are deceiving -- I've been in that exact same situation with that exact same man. I know that what appears to be 'happiness' with them isn't real, and won't last. But while I don't ever really want to get married again, I'd really like to have someone special to share parts of my life with. And I'd like to think that's _more_ not _less_ possible or likely with all the work I've been trying to do on myself. It does get me down if I think about it, so I try to just not think about it.


That right there sums it up! I mean, I know there were things I did wrong in our relationship - things I could've done differently but it was he who made the ultimate betrayal and it's like he's been rewarded for it! I just keep on telling myself that the more I work on myself the better I'll be for the next person I commit myself to while the two of them will most likely crash and burn and never learn anything about themselves. It'll continue to be a vicious cycle for the both of them - me, not so much... I hope!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, last night was the official start of welding in my welding class - totally f'n awesome!!! Welding could be a good career for me as I'm one of those people who is naturally always cold and I tell you what - the heat from working with that stuff warms you right up! I was sweating my buns off last night! But then again, being that hot in the summer having to be covered up as to not get splatter on you... that might not be too fun - I imagaine it'd be something like this: :FIREdevil:

It was somewhat different than what the guys at my work have been teaching me in that the entire table was grounded instead of just the metal I was welding on so that was tricky - I kept trying to start my arc but would get my rod stuck and when I tried to yank it free it would pull up my metal and arc straight thru to the table! Good thing it's loud in there or else the whole class would have seen my mouth for the sailor that it is! Oh - and I accidentally sparked my arc on the vent hood attached to my table... I told you it was tricky!!! All in all I had a good time, I did get frustrated some but I didn't let it discourage me... the other chick in the class got really frustrated, packed up and left like 1/2 and hour early... I can't wait for next week thou - I even got me my own auto-dimming welding hemet, complete with flames on it that end in little devil tails - totally awesome!!!

On another note, kinda weird, out of the blue an ex of mine called me yesterday... haven't seen or heard from him in a long while as he's a commercial fisherman so he's always fishing up and down the east coast. Turns out he ran into my brother while in port in SC over the holidays and found out I was single again... We dated for a brief while like 11 years ago till my brother ran the guy off (him and my brother used to be BFF's and us dating didn't sit right with my brother, that and the fact that guy is 10 years older than me... gotta love huge ******* overprotective big brothers!!! No, seriously - you have to love them!). Anyways, now were supposed to go out to eat to catch up on Saturday night - that is only if I'm not tired after spending the day at the firing range again...


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Awesome update, EE!! Although, I might have to think twice about going into welding myself. I've been a really warm person all my life (Not looking forward to menopause, lol), so I'm sure welding in the summer time would be pure hell. Too bad. 

But hey, I hope you have fun with the ex! Maybe big brother will be a little less protective this time around -- after all, he could have hidden the news that you were single again.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Tired from shooting???

Any lady would be tired yanking on those hot, stuck rods all day!!!

Don't hurt yourself 

HM64 

Sorry EE, I couldn't resist.......


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Awesome update, EE!! Although, I might have to think twice about going into welding myself. I've been a really warm person all my life (Not looking forward to menopause, lol), so I'm sure welding in the summer time would be pure hell. Too bad.


See - when I read and see pics about the weather up your way and the snow - which is soooo beautiful but us southerner's rarely get it - I always think "gosh, that would be nice - but I'd be _real_ cold!!!" 



angelpixie said:


> But hey, I hope you have fun with the ex! Maybe big brother will be a little less protective this time around -- after all, he could have hidden the news that you were single again.



Thanks!

Ha! Yeah, I actually couldn't believe my brother told him - I was all like "hmmm, what are you getting at here bro?"


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Tired from shooting???
> 
> Any lady would be tired yanking on those hot, stuck rods all day!!!
> 
> ...


:rofl:

Now worries at all! I was describing it to someone earlier today and was all "yeah, then it got stuck and I had to jerk the rod off really hard!"  Then I realized what I had actually just said...


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

And see, I was strictly thinking about welding. :biggrinangelA:


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hmmmm... had a good weekend - spent Saturday afternoon down at the firing range again! Ran about 120 rounds thru my pistol - and I must say I am quite the natural at it!!! I was really dissapointed thou that I was unable to practive with my shot gun - there's a local remote control airplane club that comes down to the range to fly their planes and when they do it's over the skeet range - well, they're supposed to call ahead but did not this time and there I was with 50 slugs, a box of clays and nowhere to shoot ... oh well, at least I got to use the pistol and I tell you what - that is one heck of a stress reliever - even when I got home and had to clean the gun I was all sorts of peaceful, I know, I'm wierd, huh? 

Saturday night with my old ex (not STBXH - someone I dated before him...) I don't even know how to describe it... It'd be a long time since I'd seen him and even longer since I hung out with him. He was actually on a reality tv show for a few seasons about commercial fisherman and the way he was on the show - urgh, I couldn't even watch it cause he was such a d!ck to his crew and the other fishermen - which I called him out on when we went out only to have lesson in the harsh um, reality of reality tv - I mean, I knew reality tv was rigged but jeez, I had no idea it was that bad!!! Anywho - I never went into it thinking of it as a "date" - I had asked to get together and catch up (I guess in the future I'll have to more bottom line about these things) big mistake cause dude totally thought it was a date. We went and got something to eat, he proceeded to get slightly intoxicated while I was the responsible one only having a couple beers since I was driving. I guess he expected me to get wasted cause he kept saying "aren't you gonna get drunk?" um, no, I'm not. I guess I can't blame him cause when we did date - 11 years ago when I was a wild child - I totally would have so I tried to explain to him that I wasn't the same person from back in the day but I guess he had a hard time believing that...???:scratchhead: He was nice thou and told me he knew places other than the range where I could shoot my shotgun and he'd be happy to show me where. Things got a little weird thou when he was telling me about getting his boat back in the water (she's currently hauled out for repairs) and leaving to go fishing down in Florida for the next 3 months. I asked him if he'd be coming back up here at all and he said he could fly in if "I wanted him to" or he could just fly me down there and rent a condo for me to stay at... again :scratchhead: - moving way too quick for me here - esp since I didn't even consider this a date... He told me throughout the evening how good of a time he was having with me which good for him - I'm glad he was - I however was kinda put off, he left all the descions for the evening to me with pretty much no input from him almost like I was supposed to be entertaining him, at times during our conversations it was like he was totally turning me out for the Bears game even thou he hates football and at other times he kinda made me feel like a kid when talking to him (I guess the 10 year age difference is a lot more apparent to me now). He wanted to know an awful lot about STBXH whom I really could care less about discussing. He then made it a point to make sure I knew that this was the 1st date he'd been on since him and his fiancee broke up in May (again - I never thought this was a date, damn it!!!!). Oh - and the drama that surrounds this dude - yeah, no thanks. It was drama back in the day but you think, hey, 11 years later he's older and maybe doesn't get into all that drama - WRONG!!!! Urgh, I just wanted to get out of there. Oh and another thing that urked me - I guess he could tell I wasn't having that great of a time so he kept saying things like "I know I'm boring but it has to beat staying at your family's house..." Yeah, I live with my family now out of convenience on both our parts - my family is awesome and it's more like living with an older sister, I can stay home and have an awesome time with them or I can go out and do my own thing - actually they perfers me to go out but still - don't be ragging on that sh!t - I had a better time with them last Saturday night than I had with him this past Saturday night so sit on that and twirl, bub! 

Ok - sorry about the vent but I had to get this off my chest. I guess in the future if I plan on hanging out with someone I should be more clear on what my definition of "hanging out" really is. And I also guess I've realized that some books are best when the remain shut - that they're not really worth a second read - even if that read is to just see if you can be friends again. It just frustrates me so much cause I'm one of those girls who gets along better with guys, I'm a tomboy and it's frustrating when you can't hang out with them cause they're automatically expecting way more than you're wanting to give...


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Saw the house me and STBXH rented was available again on the rental website yesterday...

Looking at the pics of it and thinking of all the memories we had there - good and bad - really shook me and still is. It hurts seeing that way more than I ever thought it would.

Makes me want to contact him, makes me want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, makes me want to scream at him and ask him is he really that happy now?


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Hey EE,I am sorry .It happens to me as well.Something from the past makes me suddenly go back and I feel as if things were not bad and we could be together,But then I do a reality check.And I feel that I did not deserve the disrespect that had been shown to me towards the end;The kind of indifference and coldness that I had felt suddenly chnages the warm memories into vapour ;And I am back;Happier that I have ME myself with me and the entire life ahead;THE NEW CONFIDENCE that I NEED NO ONE or NOTHING to be happy,a new sense of POWER;Along with the PRIDE that I did not STOOP so low as to cheat;AND atleast I had THE GUTS to own up to my share of wrong doings;I WISH him well like I would for anyone on this PLANET but not like someone who is my own;

SO all I want to say is that,there are so many of US who are feeling that WAY;So Cheer up!!Do not want him for he does not deserve to be WANTED or SHAKEN up!!
I do not reply to your posts but then I do follow them;Makes me feel glad to see you moving on;I know it sad and tough,but then that is what will makes us stronegr and better.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Saw the house me and STBXH rented was available again on the rental website yesterday...
> 
> Looking at the pics of it and thinking of all the memories we had there - good and bad - really shook me and still is. It hurts seeing that way more than I ever thought it would.
> 
> Makes me want to contact him, makes me want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, makes me want to scream at him and ask him is he really that happy now?


Do not call him or talk to him.

You wanna know why?

Because any answer that comes out of his mouth would be a lie.

How do I know?

Because that guy does not know if he is coming or going, happy or sad.

Patience EE.

Focus on you, not him.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Thank you very much, ya'll!

Sometimes I need that boot in the a$$ to remember he's not worth feeling so crappy over - that the past is the past and done is done.

jmb, a reality check is what I need to give myself - I need to go back and re-read this thread or my journal and remind myself of the total sh!t he put me thru. I guess not having contact with him sometimes makes me forget that stuff... Thank you for checking in on me & thank you for the kind words.

And HM64 - you're so right - it would be lies that came out if I did contact him. The same BS he's been spouting for God only knows how long. If I did contact him (which I will not) I'm sure I'd just end up feeling even more crappy than before.

Patience - it's never been my strong point but I continue to work at it!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Thank you very much, ya'll!
> 
> Sometimes I need that boot in the a$$ to remember he's not worth feeling so crappy over - that the past is the past and done is done.
> 
> ...


This was true of me as well. Distancing myself in the beginning helped me to forget what had happened, and then when there were friendly contacts, or things that provoked memories, BAM! That's how some people get hoovered back in. Keep reminding yourself, EE, and you will get through this. :smthumbup: (eventually, it will become automatic and you'll be able to put the journal away.  )


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> This was true of me as well. Distancing myself in the beginning helped me to forget what had happened, and then when there were friendly contacts, or things that provoked memories, BAM! That's how some people get hoovered back in. Keep reminding yourself, EE, and you will get through this. :smthumbup: (eventually, it will become automatic and you'll be able to put the journal away.  )


:iagree:

Thanks, babydoll!!!

And that's what I'm gonna do! Keep on keeping on - reminding myself that is!

Maybe it'd be easier if I posted a pic of him on my wall at work with giant red letters that read "this guy sucks and stomped your heart into the ground" - but then I'd have to look at him everyday and never get any work done what with the dart throwing that I would be doing to said picture...


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I wouldn't recommend a photo (unless you have a pest problem at work and it would help keep them away :rofl, but I used to post little sayings reminding me what he did in places where DS wouldn't see, like inside a high cupboard door, etc.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

:rofl:

You're too right! While we do have a small rodent (mainly mice) problem in the winter time I'd imagine not even the mice would deign hanging around STBXH!!!

I do like the posty note idea thou - that would come in helpful! Thanks, doll!!!


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Hey EE! How you been?


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> Hey EE! How you been?


Well hello there, darlin'!!!

1st off I must say - love love love the new ink - I'm sooooo jealous!!!

Anywho - SSDD here, baby. Not much doing. Well, that's a lie - I've been staying pretty busy what with work, class and my llittle social butterfly self. Class is going good - my boss even brought me in a project he wants me to weld for him - I will be the Dr. Frankenstein of air compressors after it is complete, I plan on starting the grinding today at lunch at see how far I get.

Have been enjoying my guns as much as I can - my only problem now is the shortage of ammo on my little island. Found one hole in the wall store last weekend that still had ammo, paid 2x as much per box for the stuff then got to the range and I'd say a quarter of it was bad...  I will say thou - that new 9mm is a dream! Oh how I love to fire her - not as much as my 870 but pretty close! I guess I'll lay off the ammo for a while and maybe save for the tattoo coverup I so desperately want...

Hanging out with friends as much as I can... had a great time this past weekend thou I did end up slightly intoxicated (and by slightly I mean "awww hell, I'm twisted") but I blame that on the shine...  The weekends go by faster than anything - what with having to do my running around, getting to the range and then bouncing around between friends but I'd rather it be that way than sitting still, I swear - when I have to sit in the house the minutes tick by like hours!

Not much new on the STBXH front. Had a text convo with him last week about money - of course he doesn't have any to give me, the only thing he had to give me was some giant sob story (during which I caught him in 3 lies) so I pulled a line from the book of Conrad and simply told STBXH that his "inconveniences are not my problem." Just typing that made me smile from ear to ear! Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait till we file taxes to get anything out of his broke a$$ - and that's nothing new!


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Well hello there, darlin'!!!
> 
> 1st off I must say - love love love the new ink - I'm sooooo jealous!!!
> 
> ...


Hey cutie. 

Thanks! It is no where near done. 3 x 4-6 hour sessions in and I still have at least 15 hours left. I will say this, though, the ink makes me look FAR more muscular than I am. I LOVE IT!

You are awesome. I need to learn how to weld. I think it would be fun to start repairing medieval weapons and armor and things like that. I applaud you on that. I can solder, but never tried welding. Seems like the same concept just a much bigger scale.

I love your 9mm. It is gorgeous. I need a new one. I have my .38 special, but I want something else. I am not a fan of bigger guns (assault rifles, etc), but I would like a Mossberg HS12. There is no shortage here of ammo. Miami is full of it. I carry my .38 with me whenever I go to Miami. You make a wrong turn and you are in a BAD neighborhood.

Have you ever thought of playing paintball? I think you would love it. I absolutely love it. 

What did you expect to happen when you drink the 'shine? Ps, I love the 'shine. There is no where to get any here. When I lived in Nashville, I could get it anywhere. 

Your stbx just sucks. I love your answer, though. What a douche.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> my boss even brought me in a project he wants me to weld for him - I will be the Dr. Frankenstein of air compressors after it is complete, I plan on starting the grinding today at lunch at see how far I get.


Why do I get this vision of you manically screaming "It's ALIVE!!!..It's ALIVE!!!!"


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hermes said:


> Hey cutie.
> 
> Thanks! It is no where near done. 3 x 4-6 hour sessions in and I still have at least 15 hours left. I will say this, though, the ink makes me look FAR more muscular than I am. I LOVE IT!


Sooooo jealous!!! Those are some serious sessions, too! My biggest piece was only 9 hours - 2 x 4.5 hours and it took me about 2 weeks before I was ready to go back for that second session to finish it up. My next plan is to get STBXH's Taurus symbol on my arm covered with this heat shaped lock with two skeleton keys criss crossed behind it... and I want little skeleton heads on the top of the keys... I took it from one of my fav bands Alkaline Trio - their music has really gotten me thru some tough times! 



Hermes said:


> You are awesome. I need to learn how to weld. I think it would be fun to start repairing medieval weapons and armor and things like that. I applaud you on that. I can solder, but never tried welding. Seems like the same concept just a much bigger scale.


Well thank you, sweetie! It is a lot like soldering - esp the TIG welding where you have to hold the rod in one hand and burn it down with the torch. We're still focusing on STICK right now but like I said, my boss brought in a project for me, he basically wants me to weld supports onto an air compressor tank so he can put a new motor on it then weld up all the piping - I got started on that yesterday at lunch with the MIG welder (which is a lot easier than STICK and TIG...) and I did have some splatter go down my sweatshirt thou and now my little elbow is burnt up...  but hey, that's my fault, I was using mechanic's gloves instead of the big bulky welding gloves... 



Hermes said:


> I love your 9mm. It is gorgeous. I need a new one. I have my .38 special, but I want something else. I am not a fan of bigger guns (assault rifles, etc), but I would like a Mossberg HS12. There is no shortage here of ammo. Miami is full of it. I carry my .38 with me whenever I go to Miami. You make a wrong turn and you are in a BAD neighborhood.


Yeah, my daddy always said the same thing about Miami - they used to host IBEX which is a big boat builder convention he used to go to and he always made sure he carried while down there. 

Thank you for the compliments on my 9mm. I love her, too. She's really light and fires soooo smooth. I couldn't stand shooting my .380 afterwards - actually thinking of trading the .380 in on something else now... 

The shortage of ammo up here really bl0ws, I'm too lazy to drive 40 minutes to go get some up the road so maybe I'll lay off the handguns and stick to my shotgun for a bit - that way I can save up for my new tattoo...



Hermes said:


> Have you ever thought of playing paintball? I think you would love it. I absolutely love it.


Actually I have. Years ago a bunch of us would go after work to some woods down the road and have at it. It was a really good time - I can't remember why we even stopped thou...



Hermes said:


> What did you expect to happen when you drink the 'shine? Ps, I love the 'shine. There is no where to get any here. When I lived in Nashville, I could get it anywhere.


I know, I know...  See, a reason for you to make a trip to NC!!! Not only do we have local stuff but you can even buy some legal at the ABC store - it's called Midnight Moon, comes in regular and different fruit flavors - depending on which one you get the proof varies from 70 to 100. I'm partial to the Apple Pie flavor... The website says it's available in 48 states... maybe your's has it...?



Hermes said:


> Your stbx just sucks. I love your answer, though. What a douche.


Don't I know it! But knowing it now makes every thing much easier. You know, it sucks enough what he did to me and our marriage but now when I see his friends and hear how he's treating them, too, it just floors me. He is not a person I like be associated with at all!


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> Why do I get this vision of you manically screaming "It's ALIVE!!!..It's ALIVE!!!!"


Oh I'll so be screaming that when the project is finally done and I get that b!tch fired up!!!


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

How are you doing EE.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

Hey, cutie!

Been doing alright. Not much new going on. Continuing the classes - which I'm still having lots of fun doing plus I get to enjoy the added benefit of all the heat from welding warming me up after long days spent shivering in my shop at work - like right now - my hands are ice!!!

I am getting a tad anxious thou knowing I'll soon have to be dealing with STBXH and our taxes... I can only guess how many ways he's gonna hold things up, screw things up or just be a general pain in my a$$, you know? I should really take the focus off of him/that but gosh darn it, I need that freakin' money!!!

I also think I'm gonna take a sabatical from dating... In the last 4 months I spent one month seeing a guy who was nice but it turned out is not happy with himself and the poor chap thinks money will fill the hole inside of him - yeah, good luck with that. The other 2 dates I've been on were, geez, I don't think I even have words for it... other than maybe disaster. Seriously dissapointing. I've even thought about dating sites but I don't know, maybe I'm paranoid but they just seem kinda sketchy to me... So yeah, I've decided to take at least a 3 month sabatical from dating - one month for every guy I've so far wasted my precious time with!


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Eternal Embrace said:


> Hey, cutie!
> 
> Been doing alright. Not much new going on. Continuing the classes - which I'm still having lots of fun doing plus I get to enjoy the added benefit of all the heat from welding warming me up after long days spent shivering in my shop at work - like right now - my hands are ice!!!
> 
> ...


Good to hear from you EE :smthumbup:. And so nice that you enjoying your classes.

Also please do not feel bad about the dating stuff.Its life.Let us try to enjoy every bit of it ;Maybe in the process of meeting new people you will end up having very good trustworthy friends .I mean take it easy.Give time to yourself without worrying and getting disaapointed.Living life a day at a time.I am doing the same.Have thrown away my worries and trying to live by each day.

Ya I understand the anxiety that comes with dealing with the ex.I feel the same.But I guess when the time comes we will be good and take care care of us well.So all the best with getting the money back


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Hey EE!! Good to see you again, and that you're still keeping on with the welding. Be sure to post a pic of your project when it's done! :smthumbup:

And I share your feelings about taxes this year. I was sooooo hoping we'd be divorced by the end of the year so I wouldn't have to worry about filing married again this year. But no such luck.  Oh well, at least I know that this will FOR SURE be the last time. That will help me get through it. Onward and upward, girl!!


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