# How Do I?



## onelonelymom (Feb 3, 2010)

How do I tell my husband it is over, that I want a divorce? How do I tell him I am tired of going to bed alone at night, how do I tell him that I feel he doesn't want me anymore? How do I tell him that I can't sleep at night because I am worrying about him looking at porn and masturbating instead of wanting to be with me? How do I tell him that I am questioning my love for him? How do I tell him that I feel like he is cheating on me, but can't find any evidence? How do I tell him these things?
I am not a mean person, never have been. I hate the thought of hurting someone, but I can't live like this. I just can't. I have to think about me and my daughter, I have to think about her having a happy and unstressed mommy. I want to be/feel happy, I want to be/feel loved and right now I sure don't feel it, haven't for quite some time now. 

Thank you for letting me write/type this out. :cat:


----------



## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

I understand all these thoughts your having but what I have not heard is . Have you spoken any of these to him? I know my wife kept all her thoughts in her head and when we seperated she said she was trying to work past some things but she never was working on them with me which involved me.

He might not honestly know something is wrong. Have you been hiding your emotions from him? Do you sexually approach him or do you expect him to always come after you ? Maybe he thinks you going to be early before him means your not interested in him ; therefor might be an excuse why he looks at porn and masturbates.

Sorry just throwing some thoughts out there. Hope you got room for them lol sorry ><


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You just tell him.


----------



## onelonelymom (Feb 3, 2010)

Careful thoughts: I have told him how I feel and he claimed that we would fix it, but we aren't, same thing, nothings changed. I almost feel like he wouldn't care if I left, almost like that is what he is wanting. Also, I always iniate the sex, never him. A few times now when I have tried he throws my hand off of "him" and that is it, rolls over and says or does nothing, other times he doesn't act interested at all. I try to no end with no luck. We are down to sex maybe once a month, if that. I don't know what to do or what to say anymore, other than we are through. Thank you so much for your reply.

Turnera: short and sweet and to the point and yet so true. Thank you!


----------



## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Wow he sounds like my wife. Literally. The only thing I can gather out of my situation is there is someone else or they have some issues deep down they have not been able to deal with. Your comment on " he claimed he would fix it , but we aren't" Well my wife's "issues" Yea she has been working on them for 1 year and she hasn't been able to move past them. The only thing is I don't know who she was working on them with cause it sure wasn't me. Wife had an EA going (which me looking at the phone record brought our marriage to an end) 

Honestly you don't deserve to live that way. I know I was made to feel worthless for no reason and I am sure you feel the same way. Go ahead and tell him.


----------



## Alexsky (Mar 21, 2010)

You said that he had a problem with looking at porn and masturbating? That sounds like a biological porn addiction, as that is what i recently found out i had. I didn't realize how selfish I was, until I realized my addiction. I was focused on my feelings, and not of my wifes. I am currently doing everything I can in my power to win my wife back. But it took me going to a sex addiction therapist to find out. my wife had been trying to tell me, and now i can clearly see all the times she had. I had not paid attention to her feelings. Now the only difference is that I was the one that always had to try to initiate the sex, as she never wanted to have sex with me, as I used to always either try for more, or for something she didnt want to do. 
so what she ended up doing is what is called sex anorexia, where she would withhold love and affection from me... maybe your husband is suffering from that as well. I would try to see a sex addiction therapist togethor, and see what they say.
i hope that helps


----------



## onelonelymom (Feb 3, 2010)

Carefulthoughts: I have thought that is someone else, but I can't find any proof. He works with a lot of female (he's the only male server), so that in itself makes me nervous. I have talked to a lot of the girls and they say he acts like himself. They have told me that he massages their shoulders and things like that, but he won't do that with me. I am at a loss as to what to do. I have tried to talk to him, til I am blue in the face and it doesn't seem to matter to him. I left a few weeks ago and we talked about how I am feeling and I decided I would come back and see if things could be fixed, but nothing has changed, everything is the same. I feel my only option at this point is to get out, that is the only thing. I do feel worthless, very much so. I am sorry you went through that with your wife. Thank you so much for your help and your replies, I really do appreciate it. :cat:
Alexsky: I have told him that I thought he had a problem and he denied it. I told him if I caught it/him again (I am still finding the history deleted on the computer, I swear he thinks I'm stupid), I was gone and was going to put him counseling, but he won't hear of it. He refuses to go to counseling, he thinks it is pointless, so that is a no go. I feel like I am resenting him for this and that is why I can't stay any longer. I am tired of the sleepless nights and wondering what is wrong with me. I am at a loss. Like I told Carelessthoughts I see my only option right now is leaving and getting out. I was hoping when I left a few weeks ago, it would "wake him up" but I don't think it did at all. I really don't think he cares at all. I try to be affectionate to him and he just shrugs me off, like I'm a burden. I'm rambling, sorry. Thank you so much for your help and your reply. :cat:


----------



## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Well 1lonelymom I will say some prayers for you tonight. I know how bad it hurts and it won't go away any time soon. I have to stop daily to pray that He gets it off my mind.


----------



## onelonelymom (Feb 3, 2010)

carefulthoughts:
Thank you so much for the prayers. Reading my past posts...to me...it seems like my mind is made up and I will keep praying. I really do want to thank you for your replies and help, they have really helped me out a lot. Thank you!


----------



## del88 (Mar 24, 2010)

Just tell him. Sometimes writing your thoughts out beforehand helps. You can talk to him and let him read your letter as well. When my wife and I have major issues, we always write ourt issues down and read it before we begin to discuss it verbally. Good Luck.


----------

