# Parental Alienation Stories Thread



## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

Hi am currently fast becoming a victim of parental alienation.

First of all I will say this, I am extremely dissapointed that this sort of behaviour is not condemned in the courts.

I know it's hard to prove but providing you as a male or female methodically take notes in diaries, keep text msgs, emails etc and all relevant evidence pertaining to this sort of behaviour I have read court cases won on it.

The second thing you need to know is that it will cost A LOT of money to try and fight this sort of thing in court. Upwards of $50,000.

Here's a little bit of my story so far.

The ex is saying things such as:
Your son doesn't want to see you anymore
He wants to tell you he doesn't love you anymore
He wants to tell you he doesn't want to see you anymore.

And beleive it or not my son is even saying it nearly word for word on the phone to me

Is this something a 6 year old child would really say you ask??

He refuses to talk to me on the phone at all now. 

The ex. whispers demands into my daughters ear when she's talking to me on the phone. Fortunately my daughter hasn't quite been turned against me yet but she does say things which are obviously directives coming from the mother.

What the Alienator also does is constantly talk badly about the other parent, constantly belittling them and making out they are a bad person. 
My experience is my children are saying: "Mummy said you will go to jail if you break the law"

Mind you I've never had anything to do with police, courts or jail in the past.

I have ALWAYS ensured both my children talk to their mother on the phone and I have NEVER spoken a bad word about their mother to the children when they are in my company

My son is also saying things to me such as, 
"I don't have to talk to you if I don't want to"

This behaviour is insidious, mind numbing and and it's purest form, child abuse. 

How can one turn their child against the other parent for no reason? 

Now that I am a victim of this behaviour, I now know it is as REAL as the air we breath. 

Anyone got any stories to tell on Parental Alienation? 

Anyone got any tips on how to deal with this?


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I would like to hear more about this too. My ex H is not doing this but the woman he is with right now is doing this to her ex H big time. Our son is only 23 months old but the OW's kids are much older and I am affraid that if my ex stays with her she may try to convince my ex to do the same thing with our son.


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

Not sure of your situation, but I have a 6 yr old son also and I never bad mouth his father infront of him, and yet a 6 yr old will suprise you, they are so smart, my stbx calls at least 10 times a day to talk to him for 10 seconds, my son actually says when the phone rings and i say its daddy, he says he calls to much. half the time my son wont pick the phone up. its not that he dont love him, hes just a pain in the ass. my son knows how to dial his dads number and when I tell him to call his dad he refuses. I cant force him, I want him to have a relationship with his father, but they know who is priority, his dad would blow him off all the time, he lives 10 minutes away and son would call him and ask him to take him swimming in his pool and he would give him an excuse. kids dont forget these things. I am sure you prob see your kids as much as possible. And its a shame if your wife is putting things into their heads. my stbxh mother did that to her sons, and boy are they f ed up to this day for it. they have 0 respect for anyone. I think parents in pain dont think of the effect this has in the future. like my ex mil put herself first during her divorce very selfcentered, never bothered with the kids it was all about her feelings, and now i see the selfcenteredness with my ex. its sad that most dont think of these things, I went the opposite of ex mil seeing how her son turned out. I will always be there for my son, I will never disrespect stbx infront of him. I cant im imagine my son treating his wife and children the way his father treats us.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

How newly divorced are you?

Do I think you should accept this? Absolutely not. But, were this happening to me, my reality is that I don't have 50K to try and make the court mandate that my ex stops talking badly about me.

My suggestion? Just give it time. She wants to hurt you - through the kids. Don't take the bait.

Kids are going say what they are told. What they say is seldom what they actually feel in their heart.

Simply prove her wrong in your interactions with them. Smother them with calm, loving, support. What they see or feel from you will always outweigh what your bitter ex wants them to feel for you.

Be their dad. Don't be their mom's adversary. If she is blatantly disregarding or undermining the parental agreement, then document it. But don't call the house multiple times a day trying to talk to your kids to convince them you aren't a monster. Doing so simply feeds into her bullsh!t.

Explain to them what is going on without attacking your ex. If they feel safe with, and loved by you, whatever she has to tell them they will innately know is crap. They may roll with it because they don't want to p!ss her off, and you really can't blame them.

Deal with your kids, not your ex.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

You can sue her in small claims court for this, for emotional distress to the children, and on behalf of the children, up to $5000 depending on the state, if you are joint legal custodian.

Of course, the burden of proof is on you and I'll admit, I am only going off of watching Judge Judy and other judges (who have real courtroom experience in adjudicating cases) but it appears the courts don't have a lot of patience for women who interfere in the father's parental plans. An astute judge knows that women are often b***y when it comes to having their kids have access and influence from the fathers. Even the most demure and classy of women will often turn into lowest class woman during divorce.

It's only $5000, but I think it would send a message to your ex-wife if you got a ruling in favor of you.

To me, it would be worth the $50.00 filing fee and even if you lost, that alone would send a message and embarrass her in public for her behavior (if it's true - we are only getting one side).

PS: I added this on. . .I am not an attorney, but I think rather than spending $50,000, you could visit a family attorney for $250-350/hour and verify what I said and ask him to give you perhaps a couple of case law references to go in armed with. You tell the small claims judge you visited a family atty. but you couldn't afford to be represented so you are doing it pro se but he/she wanted you to be aware of these "case laws" with regards to your rights. You can then go in as the plantiff looking well informed, advised, and serious about this.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Deejo said:


> How newly divorced are you?
> 
> Do I think you should accept this? Absolutely not. But, were this happening to me, my reality is that I don't have 50K to try and make the court mandate that my ex stops talking badly about me.
> 
> ...


:iagree: 

It sounds as though you have younger children. My children are teenagers and I'm having struggles too. I've even got a thread going about the "fun parent". At least that isn't coming into play with yours. I would think you can hold your own with the younger kids by simply always being there for them. Surely you get to spend time with them--make it quality time.


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## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

I have a 27 month old son and once his father is done with his military training, he will file for divorce.

This might come as a surprise to you. I never said anything bad about his father and his extra-marital affair. His father wants to borrow him from me for two months next year. Well, technically, we are still married because he has not filed.

I told my son his father wants to have him and Mommy will give him to Daddy for two months next year. Without me saying anything about his Dad, my son said "NO." He said "don't want." "Bad Daddy." To think that I never said anything about what is going on between his dad and myself.

I guess kids even at a young age can already discern things their own way.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

No, they can't discern things their own way, dantraph. This may be a hard pill to swallow but your two year old doesn't care if your father screwed every last one of the Rockettes and he doens't care if you screwed every last one of the Philadephia Phillies.

To a 2 year old, that does not make a difference whether they should want their Daddy or not. 

Now, if Daddy isn't around and then all of the sudden he is around, I get it that a 2 year old doesn't want to go with him.

But you are mistaken that your two year old is making some kind of character judgment on his father.

I watched a video on divorce through the state and it was very good actually (mandated parenting class).

Anyway, they profiled 4 couples going though divorce with kids. What struck me was one couple, the father got the son every other weekend.

Well, there were two sides to this. The mother was getting flak from his son on his weekend that he told her he didn't want to go. I beleived her that that the son (about 12) said this to her and she was dealing with that.. He probably wanted to be with his friends and not have his life disrupted. So, you can imagine, she didn't encourage him to visit his father.

The father had a legitimate gripe because when he showed up, the son wasn't ready to go, was going about his thing, and he felt slighted on the parenting plan. 

Now, I don't think the mother was saying anything bad to teh kid about the father. . .just didn't want to confront the son for a disiplined parenting schedule. 

Finally (in true video format), the mother told him it was important that he spend that time with his father and maybe even took it a step further in that she said, "I need a break" to the son. The video showed them enjoying their every other weekend together.

That's why I know there are two sides to this.

If the woman is whispering in the kid's ear, "Your father doesn't love you", that IS child abuse, plain and simple. Emotional child abuse. IF she's being uncooperative with regards to the parenting plan. . .well, that's another problem that I suppose is understandable, even if not condonable.

I know this for sure - every woman has a PYSCHO B***H gene and every man has a OAFISH JERK gene and I don't put it past any woman to have this gene activated in a time of divorce. My stb-x is the most classy of ladies and one day my son hurt his ankle before soccer and I said I would examine his foot and adjust it if necessary so I went to his home, picked him up, brought him down to my office for 10 minutes, and brought him back.

Mind you, he was home alone latchkeyed.

Well, when their mother came home and she found out she had left the house for 10 minutes with their father (gasp! horrors!), you can bet they all clammed up as they knew "they were in trouble" for consorting with the enemy.

I finally told her on the phone that if she didn't act so controlling with regards to them all of the time maybe they wouldn't walk around in fear of you. 

I can tell I got to her because she started to get all angry and hung up.

Point is, I don't doubt this alienation is happening and the OP asked to share stories and this is a typical one of mine. But control has always been a serious psychological problem with her and she is losing it; that's the nature of divorce.

The problem is I think you'll find a "civil remedy" (small claims) an easier option than the family courts with trying to reach the level of proof you need to demonstrate this. I imagine that the OP is right - the cost of proving something like this to the satisfation of family courts would be staggering.

I'd sue her in small claims if the behavior continues. In fact, I would 


A. Consult with an attorney for an hour to discuss this plan of action and see if it's feasible.

B. Send a legal demand letter that the behavior ceases. Tell her she is causing the children emotional distress. Don't threaten to sue but send it certified and return receipt.

C. If she doesn't get her act together, I would record phone calls, texts, etc. and bring a small claim against her.

And do it again. And again. And again. Til she gets the message on how to behave civilly.


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## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

Thanks, Scannerguard! 

Well, you might be right. It was just an assumption on my side.

My son probably does not care about me or his dad. It is probably a good thing that we are ending our 4+ years marriage while our son is still young.

Thanks for sharing about the small claims.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Just don't validate him when he says, "Bad Daddy!" That's all. 

As far as the 2 month flipflopping, I know that's hard. I hope something easier can be arranged so you both want your son to go and he does too.

Yes, I would say the younger, the easier it is on the kids. Of course, I hate to see a marriage ending but I wish you well.


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## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

Scannerguard said:


> No, they can't discern things their own way, dantraph. This may be a hard pill to swallow but your two year old doesn't care if your father screwed every I know this for sure - every woman has a PYSCHO B***H gene and every man has a OAFISH JERK gene and I don't put it past any woman to have this gene activated in a time of divorce. My stb-x is the most classy of ladies and one day my son hurt his ankle before soccer and I said I would examine his foot and adjust it if necessary so I went to his home, picked him up, brought him down to my office for 10 minutes, and brought him back.
> 
> I finally told her on the phone that if she didn't act so controlling with regards to them all of the time maybe they wouldn't walk around in fear of you.
> 
> ...


Totally agree with comments about the two year old, sorry DANTAPH but unless the father is physically abusing him/her then I highly doubt that the claim by him/her and "Bad daddy" would hold water in any child psychologists opinion. 

Also Scannerguard, you are right on the money with the controlling thing.

My ex wants to control everything to the point of abusing me for petty little things which involve the kids, ie/ If they don't go to bed till 9pm instead of 7:30pm she gets irate and starts abusing me telling me the kids are always sick, run down because they stay up late(on weekends)

And yes the more control she loses the worse she becomes.


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