# How do you ladies do it?



## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Since I've had kids, my body-image is not where I wish it was, at all. Not even close. 
There is so much talk about confidence & how attractive it is..I totally understand that.
Now, I am confident in WHO I am, which carries me a long way. But, how do I translate that into being confident about how I look?

I'm so frustrated right now because no matter how damn hard I work out, the parts the make me want to cry, won't change. Sometimes I feel locked in a prison of sorts & can't break free.
Really, that's what it's all about, feeling free...no self-consciousness. 

Are there things you ladies do or think to help in this area?? I still, to this very day, find it very hard to be seen naked. (It's like I want to close my eyes until I can run for cover.)
One thing to note- my self-esteem is good. This is solely about how I feel about the look of my body. It sounds so superficial, but it's very emotional.

Thank you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> . . . .no matter how damn hard I work out, the parts the make me want to cry, won't change.


I wouldn’t be surprised if some of those parts are actually, in the eyes of others, some of your best parts.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Confidence is partly self-acceptance. The more you are okay with yourself and show it, the more okay others will - usually - be with you as well.

I know women who are dumpy with stretch marks and scars, yet they are still attractive and sexy even when naked. It's their attitude about themselves and how they project it (personality). I've found myself attracted to some women I'd normally not look at twice, because they believe in themselves.

Now, as to how to develop it, I'm not so sure. It's a process to learn to accept yourself as you are, doing what you can to improve where possible, but not beating yourself up if it doesn't do what you want.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

karma girl....Just get special lingerie and teddies that cover whatever parts you don't like if you are going to be intimate with someone.

That is what I did when I felt the way you feel.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Thank you so much! ( : 

Those parts that won't budge of course are the parts most affected by pregnancy, boobs & stomach. 
Self-acceptance is so hard when it comes to this because I cannot accept myself in this body, it's been an impossible feat.
Prior to pregnancy, I never thought twice about my body. It was good, tight, nice.
After pregnancy, I have not been able to come to terms & accept the changes- I look nothing like myself. After 17 years you'd think I'd get over it. 

There are times when I don't think about it as much & then it doesn't matter as much.

As I'm reading here, I see how many men point out confidence as a #1 positive attribute.
I just wonder how to bridge the gap between how I feel about how I look & feeling confident in my body. 

Doesn't it look stupid for a woman to pretend to be confident in a bathing suit when really she looks crappy?

You always hear people saying, oh, she shouldn't be wearing that, etc..I imagine that happening. No, I should not care about what others think, but it happens. Besides that's what I say to myself about myself.

In regards to lingerie, I never wear it. I would not want to draw attention to anything: /
Isn 't it like putting chrome wheels on a beat up car? 

My husband talks about wanting me to wear a g-string bikini to the beach & I think he's gone mad. I have nightmares about situations like this!
It's nuts to think he'd want me to be seen in that situation. Yikes.

He knows my insecurities & I wonder if my sharing them with him, makes me less desirable. It sucks because I want him to know how I'm feeling but I don't want to be the little insecure 

Anyways, I'm rambling. I just wonder how in the world do I get confident about something I'm not confident about!?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

*the little insecure wife
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

My W looks fantastic at 44 and having one kid, and she still has body image issues. She doesn't want to be seen in the light, naked. I've told her time and again how sexy and beautiful and perfect she is, but none of that adds up for her, nothing changes within her.

She's always had some form of body dysphoria. It has its extremes. I've tried to tell her and show her how good she looks. 

In the end, nobody on the outside can make those changes within you. You have to make them for yourself.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Whenever I find myself thinking poorly about my body I go to Walmart.

View attachment 17505


And then I remember, that even a less than perfect body is loved by somebody!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Whenever I find myself thinking poorly about my body I go to Walmart.
> 
> View attachment 17505
> 
> ...


Wow, if you like butt cheeks she has four!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Wow, if you like butt cheeks she has four!


Some men like to fantasize about having two women. Problem solved!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

But seriously, even though that woman's pants are absurdly small for her, she still has the smaller waist size compared to her hip size. In the right pants, she could appear very feminine!

The point is, what women see in their bodies is not usually the same thing men see. Like the woman above, we see one thing, but her man sees enough meat to hang on for a fast ride!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Karma, I think you've posted about something similar before. If I remember rightly you have caesarean scars?

All I can tell you is what I told you back then.

My wife's tummy is no longer what it was, but there is nothing I like better than to lie in bed spooning my wife and running my hand on the tummy of the woman I love. The tummy of the woman who bore 4 children and by proxy 6 grandchildren for me.

And I'm sure your hubby is the same.


Obviously this sort of thing is easier to say than to realise but nevertheless it is true.

And lets face it, we all age, I do my best to remain young and active but time takes its toll on us all.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Be transparent with him, OP. I bet your dh loves your body just the way it is.

I am insecure about my body, too. But the parts I am most insecure about, dh loves. 

I saw a picture one time of a body part that I would like mine to look like, and dh said, sincerely, but that is what yours look like, jld! And I was shocked, and insisting how it wasn't, . But if it is to him, why am I arguing? 

Years of societal conditioning, I am afraid. Something else to work on . . .


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Hahaha...looks like massive cleavage! 
I was thinking about that the other day.
We are so good at picking ourselves & others apart, while guys, (in general) see the whole picture..or so I've heard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

karma*girl said:


> Hahaha...looks like massive cleavage!
> I was thinking about that the other day.
> We are so good at picking ourselves & others apart, while guys, (in general) see the whole picture..or so I've heard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's true! Listen to Wysh... He knows these things. As do most men. Unfortunately, some men don't say the things they know. Would you just melt if your man rubbed your tummy and said he loves feeling it and remembering your brings life into the world? It's all about what meaning you ascribe to what body part. Change your own message then your confidence builds,


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

'Tis true!


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

I have posted about body-image once before...good memory! 
Can you believe I still am working on it? I just want to get over it already!

I know my husband is accepting of me & loves my body. He always reminds me of how sexy I am to him. I love to hear it & I actually do believe him now. I guess that's where my progress lies.
I did not ever believe him before.

Now, it's my turn to convince my own self to relax about it & not feel so damn embarrassed all the time. Gaining confidence in this area is really tough. 
If I feel gross, confidence just disappears. Being a stupid perfectionist is horrible for this problem. : (
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

But why not cover the parts you don't like with lingerie or teddies? I mean, isn't that easier than going totally nekkid?

And Anon...I know men who would be like "BA BAM!!" looking at an azz like that. Just sayin'.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

I wish he would do that. Problem is, he knows I hate that part, so he avoids it. I think he thinks it's better because it doesn't draw attention to it.
In a way it's good, but I think if he DID touch me & say sweet things, I would melt into a puddle of tears..good tears.
It probably would dissolve A LOT of my own personal anxiety. 

I'm sorry, I know how shallow it sounds, but to lose your good body & your peace with your body at 18, (when our first baby was born) has made it a hard road for me to climb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

I could totally do that (lingerie) but my boobs are so damn small they look lame in any lingerie. I just look like I'm playing dress-up. : /
I wish I could do it though..but look good in it too!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> I wish he would do that. Problem is, he knows I hate that part, so he avoids it. I think he thinks it's better because it doesn't draw attention to it.
> In a way it's good, but I think if he DID touch me & say sweet things, I would melt into a puddle of tears..good tears.
> It probably would dissolve A LOT of my own personal anxiety.
> 
> ...


Hey! Don't worry it's only the most confident among us that don't have problems with self image.
I spent years as a youngster believing I was fugly. Most of us worry to a certain degree about the us we present to the world and our partner.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

That's true, I know I'm not the only one who has hang-ups..it's definitely nice to know I'm not alone! Unfortunately, I hold myself to a way higher standard than anyone else..meaning I can forgive many, many short-comings in others, but it's hard to do that for myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> I could totally do that (lingerie) but my boobs are so damn small they look lame in any lingerie. I just look like I'm playing dress-up. : /
> I wish I could do it though..but look good in it too!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok girl...I understand this is about how you feel about yourself.

But just let me state for the record....some of us love the smalluns'. Not everyone is into the bigguns'. And IMO, smalluns' tend to age better. 

I know that will not make you feel better about yourself...but it is truly my opinion.

All hail smalluns', The Itty Bitty T*tty Committee is alive and well!


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

: D...thanks Faithful Wife: ) 

One thing I can say, is that they are a major part of my sexual arousal..I heard being smaller, the sensitivity is greater? 
In my case, it's true that they are capable of loads of pleasure. 
So that, I love about them! Not to mention they nursed 3 babies very successfully: )

It's just how they look now! They don't sag, but they are sooo small!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BradWesley (May 24, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> But seriously, even though that woman's pants are absurdly small for her, she still has the smaller waist size compared to her hip size. In the right pants, she could appear very feminine!
> 
> The point is, what women see in their bodies is not usually the same thing men see. Like the woman above, we see one thing, but her man sees enough meat to hang on for a fast ride!


Yup - put the spurs to her and hang on for dear life!


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## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

karma*girl said:


> I could totally do that (lingerie) but my boobs are so damn small they look lame in any lingerie. I just look like I'm playing dress-up. : /
> I wish I could do it though..but look good in it too!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Guys perspective - T i t s are overrated. Sure, some guys really dig um, but by and large, there really aint much you gonna do with big ones that you cant do with little ones. 

As for the Lingerie - Then dont wear a bra. or get supper hot tank. Stop thinking about it as something you are lacking and think about it as something you have to learn how to emphasize properly. Some of the hottest women Ive seen have tiny ones...and I mean real tiny. 

so baby got back?? and he thinks you are sensitive about it?? but you want him to like it?? then tell him to smack it...seriously. 

One thing I didnt notice in your thread...you mention working out, but not diet. quite literally, working out is 30%, diet is 70%. Learn to eat right (if you dont already) and work out. You will tone nicely.

Last thing. Every imperfection i see in my wife's body remindes me of my kids and everything she gave up to bring them to me. Its more erotic then anything I can imagine. She knows it. So even with hers (and my) imperfect bodies...look out, we go at it!!!!


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Whenever I find myself thinking poorly about my body I go to Walmart.
> 
> View attachment 17505
> 
> ...


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

thanks I feel better too!


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

happi- thank you so much..very eye-opening! It's hard to imagine a post-baby body could be seen as erotic, or stimulating at all! 
There is so much out there to look at that is so much better, sometimes I just want to hand him, say, a Victoria's Secret catalogue & tell him I know he'd rather look at that anyway😯

I do watch what I eat as well, but nothing I do will change my problem spots.

But you're right, I should quit thinking of my boobs as a problem spot & play them up!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

karma*girl said:


> Since I've had kids, my body-image is not where I wish it was, at all. Not even close.
> There is so much talk about confidence & how attractive it is..I totally understand that.
> Now, I am confident in WHO I am, which carries me a long way. But, how do I translate that into being confident about how I look?
> 
> ...


I'm a male. I was wondering what area's are bothering you. While I can't give you a female viewpoint, I can tell you if there is a health and fitness solution for the issue.

Thing is if you were never a professional fitness star you can improve your body much better than it ever was before. If there are some small area's permenantly affected due to the child birth, the other area's can be significantly improved over what they were.


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

http://theshapeofamother.com/


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Well, my boobs are one issue..which I know there is nothing I can do to help.

Besides that, my stomach. I have a diastis from pregnancy which means my ab muscles are pulled apart from my belly button down😁
Plus, I have stretch marks, extra skin & scars from 3 c-sections. I'm a mess. 
My butt is generally good. I get complimented on that area the most. I do want to get rid of the cellulite I have though ..I'm working on that now. It's too stubborn. I hope people know that when a woman has cellulite, it doesn't mean she's a lazy person. I've seen comments like that..not so much here, but elsewhere. I work hard, but that is one part that barely responds. : /

(I weigh about 110 and am 5'3" if that helps any.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

karma*girl said:


> Well, my boobs are one issue..which I know there is nothing I can do to help.
> 
> Besides that, my stomach. I have a diastis from pregnancy which means my ab muscles are pulled apart from my belly button down😁
> Plus, I have stretch marks, extra skin & scars from 3 c-sections. I'm a mess.
> ...


You sound sexy as all get out. Love yourself, own what you got, relax and have fun trying to re-sculpt yourself.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I get this from Mrs Wysh quite often. Not lately as I think I've cured her of it.

I get the "What do you see in me etc."

I just told her she is my wife, I love her and I'd like to do her sexy body twice nightly every night. Although factors limit this in reality.

She eventually got the message!


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Oldfaithful said:


> The Shape of a Mother


I was gong to post this, but you beat me to it. I've been going to this site for years. I love it!


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Are your breasts smaller than they were when you and your husband got together?
If you are having trouble with your belly, you might want to cut out all processed foods and cut way back on grains and sugar. Add a lot of vegetables. See if you can get in nine cups of vegetables w/some fruit in that mix, per day. I drink a green smoothie every morning and that helps me get enough. This is how I shrunk my belly in the last year. I have only eaten whole grains for years, but it took cutting then to almost nothing and adding in lots of vegetables before my belly fat started to melt. I am 49 and look as good as I did at 35, maybe better. The combination of diet and exercise has done it for me.
Learn to appreciate your body for all it does for you. Treat it with care and appreciation rather than having an attitude that it's not good enough. It is good enough. It serves you well. If you take that attitude towards your body, it may help you to see it in a new light.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Miss Froggie, thank you so much for your very kind & caring words! When someone really understands, it gets me all emotional! 

I don't do a whole lot just for myself..mainly because I am taking care of my 3 kids, husband, house & my special needs kids that I teach/take care of at work every day.
I am sure if I focused more on myself, if would be beneficial..something like dancing always makes me feel so good. (I just don't do it very often.)

Working out is pretty much the only thing I do for myself. 
You're right too- this is much more about confidence in my existing body, rather than my weight or size. I am fine with my weight. It's my shape & my skin & my feelings about it.

Someone asked about my boobs when I met my husband- I was 15 & they were a perfect & perky B cup.
Now, 20 years later, they are deflated & almost non-existent. There is almost nothing to even push up into bra, no chance for cleavage.
My butt can take care of the need for cleavage! Haha!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Oh & I'm not on any contraception..my husband had a vasectomy about 7 years ago( :
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

It sounds like you need to love and appreciate your body and it may be beneficial for you to have a higher proportion of vegetables and healthy fats compared to grains in your diet. From what you are saying has happened to your body, it may be food related. It doesn't sound like it has as much to do with childbearing and breastfeeding. Although I have heard of some women whose breasts got smaller with breastfeeding, it's not a common issue. It sounds hormonal, which is often food related. The way most people eat these days can mess with how our body functions, including how it produces hormones.


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

I figure if he gets it up it's all ok. He keeps coming back for more, he must be happy with me. 

Does your husband have a perfect body?


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

He gets it up good, so I have no worries there.
He has a good body...not perfect I guess, whatever that might be. 
It's funny because I'll make one step forward - from feeling pretty good about myself & accepting of what I look like- then I see a very attractive woman with great parts that I only wish for, and then I
slide two steps back.

I know that I should not be comparing myself to others but that so close to impossible, really. I always wonder, if I looked like 'that,' would he be happier??
I know I would be!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

karma*girl said:


> He gets it up good, so I have no worries there.
> 
> He has a good body...not perfect I guess, whatever that might be.
> 
> ...



I highly doubt you would. You would just look for the flaws in that body I think. I think this is in your head, maybe some body dismorphic stuff. I don't think you are seeing an accurate picture of yourself.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Miss Froggie, I am so sorry you have had to endure all of that as you were growing up.. I want to give you a great big hug!
For every very difficult trial you've been through, it seems you have learned & grown and shifted yourself to a higher place, regardless of your past. 
Whew...That takes SO MUCH strength..
You sound like an amazing woman!! 
Thank you for sharing a very healthy perspective on my issues & for helping me see myself in a better, more truthful light.
Your strength gives me strength & I appreciate you taking the time to share your experience & thoughts with me. It really helps knowing someone truly understands.

It's such a challenge to see through the lies & illusions that are all around us in relation to how we should be feeling about ourselves. Talking with real women & who have lived real lives is something that counteracts all the negative. So again, thank you from the bottom of my heart! 
I am going to be easier on myself & more forgiving because that is really what I deserve. : ) xoxo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

karma*girl. You are 5'3", 110 lbs. That is a great weight, don't fret about the perfect body, it's not as if you are 40 lbs overweight.

Do think about a boot camp class or a learn to run class. Sure your body will never be back to what it was but the pump you get from these classes will make you feel sexier and will tone up some areas. Working out with light weights will tone you up as well.

Men don't expect the mother of their children to be perfect. I agree with the women here telling you to start wearing pretty bras and underwear. Hot pink, purple, blue, red, leopard print, black lace etc. are all colours men love to see on their ladies. Lose the granny panties. Get into the habit of matching your panties to your bra. You look better and will start feeling more confident. If your husband wants you to wear thongs, please wear them for God's sake. This isn't the 80's anymore and I recommend shaving everything if you already don't.

Let me know if that works.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

Karma girl, you're being way too hard on yourself. I've got 2 large drawers full of hot, sexy, ****ty lingerie and I'm no Elle McPherson. You've gotta work with what you've got. I admittently do not have any hangups about my body. I'm 47 and wore a bikini with tie up sides to the beach a couple of weeks ago. The top was underwire - got small boobs but at my age I need the support. When you look at yourself in the mirror, look at the whole package and smile big at yourself. Don't hone in on the parts you don't like. Your husband obviously thinks your attractive and sexy.

Pretty, colourful lacy bra & pants sets, teal, hot pink, red and turquoise with black lace camisoles, baby dolls (I don't wear them personally but would give you some stomach coverage) would look super hot on you and give you a psychological boost. I know you said you don't have as large breasts as you would like, but do you have nice nipples? A really tight tank (maybe a couple of sizes too small), would make your breasts look bigger and your nipples stand out. Throw your shoulders back and arch your back slightly when you strut across the bedroom to your husband.


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