# How do I tell my wife she's no good at blow jobs?



## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Pretty straightforward question.

I love my wife and she loves me. She enjoys pleasuring me even if she doesn't enjoy the specific act of giving blow jobs. I try to give her direction while she's going down but it doesn't improve much.

She has some serious body-image issues, and she can be very self-conscious about sex. Sometimes I'll hurt her feelings I suggest ways to improve (on the other hand, that might be because I use phrases like "I'm suggesting ways for you to improve" like a dumb-ass).

She's got a hang-up with masturbation, so I don't feel like I can show her what I'd like her to do. And she's got a hang-up with any kind of porn--from Playboy on up--so I don't feel like I can show her instructional videos.

So how do I tell her how I would prefer to give me oral and: A) not hurt her feelings; B) not break her taboos; and C) get what I want?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Your wife is self conscious, not open to learning, and doesn't particularly like giving blow jobs.

Be grateful that she even tries; most women in that circumstances wouldn't even attempt. This is the best you're likely going to get from her, at least until (and if) she reaches a place inside herself where she opens up sexually.

My wife wasn't the best at giving head when she started; it sometimes too me over an hour to cum. But she loved having my co*ck in her mouth, so lots of practice made perfect. She was committed to the action for her own self, not just my gratification. If she was just doing it for me, and not her own enjoyment, I doubt she'd ever have improved much.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Unless she's a biter, I didn't know there was such a thing as a bad blowjob...


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

Perhaps my tastes are not as refined as others, but-in my book - there is no such thing as a "bad BJ."


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

One approach would be training through positive re-inforcement. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in awhile. When she stumbles on something you like, over-react with the reaction - telling her how good it feels, etc.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> Unless she's a biter, I didn't know there was such a thing as a bad blowjob...


I didn't want to go into specifics, but yeah, she was a biter. Probably because she prefers me to bite her (geez this is a lot of detail).


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Then why not say that you enjoy everything BUT the teeth. Just tell her your member isn't as tough as she is.


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

If there's biting involved, I hereby revoke my "no bad BJ" comment!


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

jaquen said:


> My wife wasn't the best at giving head when she started; it sometimes too me over an hour to cum. But she loved having my **** in her mouth, so lots of practice made perfect. She was committed to the action for her own self, not just my gratification. If she was just doing it for me, and not her own enjoyment, I doubt she'd ever have improved much.


The problem with that is that she can't go for very long without hurting her jaw (not to be a jackass about it, but I'm fairly thick). So they're never more than a few minutes. I have told her that I would love for her to get me off someday with just her mouth and hands. She said she would try, and I believe she means that, but it also hurt her feelings to know that she wasn't pleasuring me enough.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> Then why not say that you enjoy everything BUT the teeth. Just tell her your member isn't as tough as she is.


I have, but it's more than her being a biter. It can be kind of scratchy because she refuses to go down on me if I have any kind of lube on, even if it's flavored. She can't get the rhythm or the--for lack of a better word--"pressure" right; she pumps me like a shot gun.

Not to say that she's awful. The two major successes I've had is to get her to stop biting my **** head and lick the shaft more, which I enjoy more and she seems to be better at.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

jaquen said:


> Your wife is self conscious, not open to learning, and doesn't particularly like giving blow jobs.


I could have probably phrased that better. It isn't that she doesn't enjoy giving them, it's that she does it more for my enjoyment than hers.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I've been where you are, is what I'm saying.

Wife gave toothy blow jobs. I'm well endowed, so there were limitations on what she could do.

The only difference is that my wife enjoys giving blow jobs, on a purely sexual level, so she has an incentive to improve beyond just doing something for me. So she works around her limitations (i.e. no deep throating, worked through hand cramping), she improved her technique (more variety), and she committed to being better at giving the kind of pleasure that she was receiving from the act (no more teeth).

As far as the jaw thing, the only way for her to improve on that is to keep sucking through the discomfort. It's like exercise, the only way she's going to improve is to do it, and do it until her muscles get stronger. It's the kind of endurance work all of us have to put in in order to have sex beyond a few minutes.

Incidentally it would take forever for me to get off on a BJ alone. I need a BJ/HJ combination. That would indeed be a lifesaver for your wife while she adapts to strengthening those jaw muscles.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Just tell her she sucks...


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

One suggestion. Try to get her to masturbate while giving you a blowjob. I always find that the more aroused she is the better the bj, even though she always does her best in her mind.

After that I would work on it from the porn angle. How could she be good at giving blowjobs without any picture of what a good blowjob looks like? It's hard to become better at anything without watching people who do it better than you.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Can't she use her hand and her mouth on you simultaneously? Would that help?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

a half a$$ed bj or one you have to talk her into anit worth it!

JMHO.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

jaquen said:


> Incidentally it would take forever for me to get off on a BJ alone. I need a BJ/HJ combination. That would indeed be a lifesaver for your wife while she adapts to strengthening those jaw muscles.





southern wife said:


> Can't she use her hand and her mouth on you simultaneously? Would that help?


I may not have communicated that. I think I did imply in my first post that I was talking about the blow job portion of a BJ/HJ combo (large fries with that). That is what I mean, but I may have not communicated that clearly.

But you made me think of something that I hadn't really considered before. She's not really against masturbation, as such. I always thought that that was what she meant. She will masturbate me, but only as a transition. She has no problem with me masturbating her as long as I'm doing something else, too. But after 10 years of marriage, I have never seriously considered the thought about asking her to bring me to climax by giving me a HJ/BJ, and focusing more on the HJ. Less stress on her jaw, but still arousing to me.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

east2west said:


> One suggestion. Try to get her to masturbate while giving you a blowjob. I always find that the more aroused she is the better the bj, even though she always does her best in her mind.
> 
> After that I would work on it from the porn angle. How could she be good at giving blowjobs without any picture of what a good blowjob looks like? It's hard to become better at anything without watching people who do it better than you.


Sorry, but if I could get her to do either of those, I probably wouldn't be here in the first place.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> I didn't want to go into specifics, but yeah, she was a biter. Probably because she prefers me to bite her (geez this is a lot of detail).


_Biting? _ The bind moggles...


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> I have never seriously thought about bringing me to climax by giving me a HJ/BJ and focusing more on the HJ. Less stress on her jaw, but still arousing to me.


Well, my Rockstar friend, you have something to work towards. I just hope your wife will be onboard with the idea.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Cosmos said:


> _Biting? _ The bind moggles...


In her mind it was the equivalent of a penis hickey.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

I can see nibbling lightly, and IME, some men like that. But biting?


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

southern wife said:


> I can see nibbling lightly, and IME, some men like that. But biting?


It's not exactly up there with Lorena Bobbitt, but there were a couple times I wondered...

It was the opposite of pleasurable.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Sorry, but if I could get her to do either of those, I probably wouldn't be here in the first place.


I don't know, if a woman comes posting here about how her H is bad in bed and totally unresponsive to any feedback then he is automatically considered a total douche.

But if the unresponsive person is a woman then you are considered the lucky one to get anything at all.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> a half a$$ed bj or one you have to talk her into anit worth it!


Could you honestly say that you'd prefer to have no blow jobs over mediocre ones?


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Sort of odd you brought this up. I did the straight forward approach a couple weeks ago. What are you willing to lose and how good are you at coping with emotional drama?

First, yes, there are bad bj’s. Think of it like duty sex. I think about it in terms of “what do I like about them?” I like the visual. I like the dominant/submissive part. I like the teasing. I like that she gets off being in control and wanting to unselfishly bring me pleasure just because she can. 

My wife is only part way there. The technique is bad; Bare minimum of just putting it in there and expecting it will work with minimal action. Sort of the same idea that if she just lays there while I have sex with her, I’ll still get off... While true, it’s hardly rewarding for me. It can be better.

I’ve been working on myself to be a lot up front about how I feel and interpret stuff; Open book concept. So... It took a long time, but I finally grew a pair last time she offered. I told her how I really felt about her blowjobs. 

It went as expected. People are complex emotionally and have their own coping skills for dealing with criticism. Mixed bag emotionally; Understanding yet resentful at being called out at the same time. Sort of conflicted inside as far as I can tell. 

I learned that I can not reason or influence how she interprets or thinks about stuff unless she approaches me to ask for help. So, all I can do is react to her actions. Show gratitude for the things I like, and point out the stuff I don’t. I respond “in kind” (mirroring concept). So, when I told her ‘no’ the other day to some chore, she poked fun at herself that maybe if she gave good bj’s I’d be more willing. I ripped into her for that one; It is hard enough to criticize her for anything, but to do it knowing I risk losing that “special menu” was particularly hard for me. (Basically dumping the shame and guilt she was projecting back onto her). It also touched on a problem she has of treating sex like it’s a commodity or reward; Thus dragging into the bedroom a scorecard where things are ‘earned’. It wasn’t fun for me either telling her something that has bothered me for years and I’ve been too afraid to tell her knowing that her vindictive side and control issues might mean she’d stop offering at all simply because she knows I want them a certain way.

I will be curious when she might offer again. I can live without them as they currently aren’t rewarding. I’ve got nothing to lose just being honest about it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm pretty sure that if I criticized her bjs in any way, they would abruptly end. Tread very carefully....


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Unless she's a biter, I didn't know there was such a thing as a bad blowjob...


If only you could receive one from my wife, then your opinion would certainly change.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'll admit to giving bad head during my younger sexual years when I first became active.The thing that worked for me and didn't hurt my feelings was when my partner would tell me what he wanted/liked in that breathless sexy way.Sounds really dumb but it somehow took the sting out of being corrected.

"mmm baby I really love it when you do xyz..." or "it's so hot when you do this or that"

I guess throwing in the positive stuff cushions the suggestion part of the sentence.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I gave my wife directions on how to give a good BJ by something TCSRedhead posted on another thread about oral...it sounded like it would work for me, so I had her read it.
That's been close to two weeks ago and still haven't been able to have her try it.


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## nevergoback (Dec 5, 2012)

Go down on your wife, while you are down there, grab her hand gently and using your fingers, guide her fingers in small circles on her button. The next time she is blowing you, take her hand and help her cup your gnads, guiding her hand with your hand again. Tell her how good it feels while she is doing it with you helping, hopefully she will catch on. Help her do what you like instead of telling her what to do, sometimes the verbal educational moment can be kind of embarrassing or maybe degrading ... I'm not exactly sure. 
Also, perhaps you could help her with the reward of getting you off with only her mouth and hands by getting yourself close to the O then letting her take over.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

IndyTM said:


> I gave my wife directions on how to give a good BJ by something TCSRedhead posted on another thread about oral...it sounded like it would work for me, so I had her read it.
> That's been close to two weeks ago and still haven't been able to have her try it.


Do you think you could find the link to that? I'd like to read it.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I could try to find the link, but I just copied them and made a cliff notes page for my wife...here is a copy of it...



> When you first start, lubricate the entire shaft with saliva. Then use your hand wrapped around the shaft basically as an extension of your mouth. Move it up and down the shaft at the same pace and rhythm of your movements with your mouth.
> 
> As you are moving up and down on the head with your mouth, take your tongue and flick it along the shaft and head, then use it as a suction against the head as he gets more excited.
> 
> ...


Found it... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/60723-oral-sex-issue-2.html#post1210426


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

east2west said:


> I don't know, if a woman comes posting here about how her H is bad in bed and totally unresponsive to any feedback then he is automatically considered a total douche.
> 
> But if the unresponsive person is a woman then you are considered the lucky one to get anything at all.



This is a truism, but there are exceptions.

If a woman came on here and told us that her husband doesn't particularly enjoy giving her head, but he does it anyway for her, but he can't do it for long because his tongue gets tired, and he doesn't really like the smell of her vagina, then yes, I'd tell that woman she's lucky that he even tries on this one matter.

In fact I have. There was a thread about this. Of course I was out numbered and told by almost all the posters, male and female, that a man HAS to enjoy eating a woman out, or something is wrong with him.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

jaquen said:


> that a man HAS to enjoy eating a woman out, or something is wrong with him.


I was unaware of that rule 

oral sex is not the easiest and most relaxing thing in the world whether you're munching kitty or slurping shaft.Your face gets freaking tired after a while.depending on the position,your elbows get sore,your back starts cramping,and so on.It is not an activity meant for extended periods of time and I can see how there are those who find it unpleasant and don't want to do it often.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I was unaware of that rule
> 
> oral sex is not the easiest and most relaxing thing in the world *whether you're munching kitty or slurping shaft.*Your face gets freaking tired after a while.depending on the position,your elbows get sore,your back starts cramping,and so on.It is not an activity meant for extended periods of time and I can see how there are those who find it unpleasant and don't want to do it often.


:lol:

Damn getting old sucks! :rofl:


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I was unaware of that rule
> 
> oral sex is not the easiest and most relaxing thing in the world whether you're munching kitty or slurping shaft.Your face gets freaking tired after a while.depending on the position,your elbows get sore,your back starts cramping,and so on.It is not an activity meant for extended periods of time and I can see how there are those who find it unpleasant and don't want to do it often.


Yes, being on the giving end does come with some sacrifice, but since I enjoy kissing kitty, they are well worth it.
Last time, I hyper extended my tongue and tore the underside just a bit. Yep, it's painful, but is something I am willing to accept for my wife to receive pleasurable oral, where she has her most intense orgasms.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

southern wife said:


> :lol:
> 
> Damn getting old sucks! :rofl:


for real,it's crazy...*slurp,slurp...CRACK* omfg my back!!


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

jaquen said:


> In fact I have. There was a thread about this. Of course I was out numbered and told by almost all the posters, male and female, that a man HAS to enjoy eating a woman out, or something is wrong with him.


I think I remember this thread or participated in one like it (let's face it--we see a lot of threads posted with the same question on an almost daily basis). I disagreed with the majority then too.

Maybe my case is a jealousy thing. I love love LOVE everything about giving oral. I can easily go down for twenty minutes at a time, even after it starts to hurt my own jaw or get into an uncomfortable position. Maybe I'm jealous that I'm willing to put so much effort into her enjoyment when she doesn't seem to be trying to make as much effort for me.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> I think I remember this thread or participated in one like it (let's face it--we see a lot of threads posted with the same question on an almost daily basis). I disagreed with the majority then too.
> 
> Maybe my case is a jealousy thing. I love love LOVE everything about giving oral. I can easily go down for twenty minutes at a time, even after it starts to hurt my own jaw or get into an uncomfortable position. Maybe I'm jealous that I'm willing to put so much effort into her enjoyment when she doesn't seem to be trying to make as much effort for me.


I agree...after about 2 - 3 mins, my wife starts to complain about jaw ache or soreness.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

IndyTM said:


> I agree...after about 2 - 3 mins, my wife starts to complain about jaw ache or soreness.


2-3 minutes?well that's just not very nice.A long time would be anything over 15 minutes IMHO


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

there are men who don't like going down on a woman?!


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> there are men who don't like going down on a woman?!


No REAL men.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

whew


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

"If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face." 

That was a Carl's Jr. slogan a few years back. 

As for some advice, try side 69'ing with pillows to support your necks. It's simultaneous pleasuring with minimal effort and strain. I've learned that if your lady is aroused, she'll be more into pleasing you. When I 69 with my wife, she really gets into it and starts deep throating me when she's close to cumming.


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## Ina (Dec 3, 2012)

east2west said:


> I don't know, if a woman comes posting here about how her H is bad in bed and totally unresponsive to any feedback then he is automatically considered a total douche.
> 
> But if the unresponsive person is a woman then you are considered the lucky one to get anything at all.


Sigh.

E2W, I'm not sure this is the case here. The OP has not given her feedback. He is fearful of providing feedback because he is unsure of how it will be received and he does not want to hurt his wife's feelings. His posts don't show that she is unresponsive. They show that she is trying despite her issues. It seems she doesn't enjoy it, but does it anyway. 

OP, I think you've gotten some good advice here, so I'll just add, that i think all that can be asked of you is that you are sensitive and care about your W's feelings, which you clearly do. I know at times I've hurt my husband and he's hurt me. Then there is forgiveness. Sometimes communication doesn't go as planned. But you can't really expect a change without telling her what you like and sensitively communicating what you don't. I like that posts that focuses on what she does right (honey it feels good when you do it that way). 

As for the biting, you learn something new everyday. Depending on my mood, i think i can be rather sensitive, but i would hate to be spending my energy doing something that's causing the opposite of pleasure to my H. (honey, although i know you enjoy it when i bite you, when you do it to me is sometimes causes pain, can we try without it the biting, i do love it when you do . . .)


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Ina said:


> Sigh.
> 
> E2W, I'm not sure this is the case here. The OP has not given her feedback. He is fearful of providing feedback because he is unsure of how it will be received and he does not want to hurt his wife's feelings. His posts don't show that she is unresponsive. They show that she is trying despite her issues. It seems she doesn't enjoy it, but does it anyway.
> 
> ...


The OP said in his first post that he had given her the feedback and it hurt her feelings.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> It's not exactly up there with Lorena Bobbitt, but there were a couple times I wondered...
> 
> It was the opposite of pleasurable.


I do know where you are coming from regarding the biting btw, which is why I qualified my 'no bad BJ' statement by making biting an exception to the rule.

My fiancee gave me a few BJ's early in our relationship where there was some biting. I think she was trying to do some nibbling, which is fine in a playful way, but a few times it got a bit to hard. Then one time she did it WAY to hard. I felt it for a few days after. 

My immedaite reaction was to pull away and let her know that f%^&*(g hurt. While we still laugh about it now, she's also never bit me again. Scraped the shaft a few times sure, but that's ok really, as it's not near as bad and I know it's an accident. 

But yeah, if you're getting a BJ and your mind is focused on hoping you won't get bit in half, it's hard to relax and enjoy it.



IndyTM said:


> If only you could receive one from my wife, then your opinion would certainly change.


I'll take your word for it 

Let me just say that I am glad to have never experienced a bad BJ (even the one bad bite didn't stop me from getting finished off by a very sympathetic lover shortly after and with great pleasure to me :smthumbup and I highly doubt I ever will. So on the topic of bad BJ's, ignorance is truly bliss :rofl:


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I was unaware of that rule


I kid you not. It was hilarious. You can't make this stuff up. The OP came on and was upset because her husband doesn't like giving her head. His reasons were that he just didn't like her smell. 

The thread evolved (devolved?) into a general topic about oral sex on women. The general consensus was that men should like, all men should appreciate a woman's smell, regardless of how she smells, and that if they don't like it there is something wrong with them, and they're basically a big, sexual disappointment.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

jaquen said:


> I kid you not. It was hilarious. You can't make this stuff up. The OP came on and was upset because her husband doesn't like giving her head. His reasons were that he just didn't like her smell.
> 
> The thread evolved (devolved?) into a general topic about oral sex on women. The general consensus was that men should like, all men should appreciate a woman's smell, regardless of how she smells, and that if they don't like it there is something wrong with them, and they're basically a big, sexual disappointment.


Not to threadjack here, but while I do like it, I know what a bad smelling VJ can smell like and I can understand why some men would get one whiff of that and say 'No Mas' for a long time after (and yes, I know it goes both ways). To suggest a man is inferior because he doesn't get hungry at the smell of dirty quiff is retarded.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> I think I remember this thread or participated in one like it (let's face it--we see a lot of threads posted with the same question on an almost daily basis). I disagreed with the majority then too.
> 
> Maybe my case is a jealousy thing. I love love LOVE everything about giving oral. I can easily go down for twenty minutes at a time, even after it starts to hurt my own jaw or get into an uncomfortable position. Maybe I'm jealous that I'm willing to put so much effort into her enjoyment when she doesn't seem to be trying to make as much effort for me.


There is absolutely no equality in my marriage when it comes to oral sex.

My wife performs it on me, but I don't perform it on her. The reasons are varied, that wasn't the initial intention because I do enjoy the action in general, but the result is that we don't both perform this particular activity.

Hasn't hurt our sex life one bit. There are plenty of other avenues to explore.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

The thread evolved (devolved?) into a general topic about oral sex on women. The general consensus was that men should like, all men should appreciate a woman's smell, regardless of how she smells, and that if they don't like it there is something wrong with them, and they're basically a big, sexual disappointment.

I think that might have been my thread. I have had a lot of feedback like that on here. Long story short we figured out if I take a shower right before he's ok with it. He also found out he has some OCD tendencies. 

Anyhooo...sometimes I wonder if women phone it in hoping you will stop asking for it. Like if they do it badly it wont be worth it. I don't quite know what that means to shotgun you?
Maybe you could offer to play a sex game where you take turns and each one of you has to direct the other one how you want a certain act done. Or just tell her to pretend her mouth is her vagina and do the opposite of what you do when you are on top.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

this is what I'm doing re: my husband not being so good at oral sex. I'm shy about saying anything, and have made some suggestions in the past, but he kept doing what he was doing, like he knew better than me.

I got a book for me, "how to give a better BJ in 30 minutes," and a book for him, "She comes first," and I said, "I'd like us to learn new tips and techniques to try on each other."

Would if offend her if you put it that way?


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## Playthang (Dec 3, 2012)

I'm going to start with ... you don't ever tell her that! 
I think I understand your reasons for wanting to do so. 
I would go with maybe telling her out of the clear blue sky something like, "I love when you *_____* while you're (going down on me or whatever you want to call it). And then maybe throw in the whole biting thing. "The biting I could maybe do without" is better than you suck at sucking. Tell her what you want, but also remind her of the things that she does that you like.
In my opinion if she's doing it wrong she would probably want to know. I know I wouldn't want to do something that wasn't pleasurable to my mate or not right. Good luck to you!!


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## travellover (Aug 6, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Pretty straightforward question.
> 
> 
> She has some serious body-image issues, and she can be very self-conscious about sex.
> ...


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Maybe you could give her some direction 'in the moment'? While her mouth is busy, take her hand and guide it in a way that works for you and in a rhythm that is to your liking. 'That's really good baby - it feels so hot'. "just a little less teeth"

Another time, tell her (again, in the moment), how hot this is, how hot she looks doing this and that you'd love to see her play with herself. 

If she's got some body issues, sometimes the constant reassurance about how she looks during the act can really help. It doesn't matter how hot/fit, we ALL have something that we feel self-conscious about so keep that in mind.

Once she's getting the other areas improved and things are getting better, make sure to tell her that you're really liking this. Find out what you can do better for her. If she's really shy, ask her to email you something or a scenario she'd like you to play out for her. 

After you've built up some comfort having these conversations, if the teeth are still coming in to play, you can mention that the teeth (I'm guessing she doesn't realize she's sucking using the teeth) are uncomfortable.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Could you honestly say that you'd prefer to have no blow jobs over mediocre ones?


yes. I just can't enjoy a bj if its forced and women who are conjoled into giving usually do a poor job and don't take instructions well.or stop just at the wrong moment.

frustrating to say the least!


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

When you can't cum from her giving you a BJ (or it takes you forever), then she should be telling herself that she needs to do a better job. My wife is not a big fan of giving and says that it hurts her jaw after a short period of time. But when she does give me one, she can make me cum. She doesn't give herself enough credit when she says that she is not good at it.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I got a book for me, "how to give a better BJ in 30 minutes," and a book for him, "She comes first," and I said, "I'd like us to learn new tips and techniques to try on each other."
> 
> Would if offend her if you put it that way?


I like this idea. We're both readers. This is something that might work, and benefit both of us.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

My wife tried the suggestions this morning and BANG!!! within 5 mins I was a happy and satisfied man...thanks TCSRedhead! :smthumbup:


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

IndyTM said:


> My wife tried the suggestions this morning and BANG!!! within 5 mins I was a happy and satisfied man...thanks TCSRedhead! :smthumbup:


Awesome! I'll try this tonight and hope to join the Happy Man Club tomorrow.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

The thing that put me over the top was the fingers tickling/pressing the perineum.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

MarriedTex said:


> One approach would be training through positive re-inforcement. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in awhile. When she stumbles on something you like, over-react with the reaction - telling her how good it feels, etc.


This is the key IMHO.

I had previously been in a LTR that was mainly sexless. Oral was just not done. I was keen but no opportunity.

Now with my new partner we are both very much into all things oral. He was patient with my hesitation due to lack of practice in the past but I was super enthusiastic to catch up on practice.

The first few times he gave me nothing but positive feedback, by the 4th time he told me it was the best BJ of his life (he is in his 50's and has had lots of sex) :smthumbup:
I love giving him BJs now, I fanticise about it during the day and at times have jumped him when he gets home from work. 

So I say praise and give positive reinforcement even for the fact that she is willing to have a go. Tell her straight up about the biting but do it in a loving way and non blaming way. Be careful about the tone in your voice when communicating what feels good and what doesn't. A sexy, breathless voice is better than a demanding, criticising tone. Put some love into your communication, tell her that you love the fact that she is enthusiastic about pleasing you, it makes you feel closer to her. 

Practice is fun


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

east2west said:


> One suggestion. Try to get her to masturbate while giving you a blowjob. I always find that the more aroused she is the better the bj, even though she always does her best in her mind.


This is a very good idea, as long as she doesn't get totally distracted by her own hands. The masturbation gives her something else to focus on besides BJ mechanics. I do think that a good BJ requires good focus, but can get boring and even painful if there is TOO much focus or maniacal intensity -- rote up and down motion.

My wife focus on the excitement of giving a BJ, and usually gets aroused along with me. She may begin to play with herself; If I'm lucky, she even lets me join in. Things spiral along and sometimes she goes as far as having a screaming orgasm as she takes me in all the way. THAT is a wonderful turn on, hearing and FEELING those muffled screams. (I also love to be able to feel her internal pulsing as she finishes, which is a plus if she lets me help her along. I usually join her very shortly thereafter. )

I guess if one were to read between the lines here, it might seem that successful BJ requires some teamwork and communication. It's not simply a hydraulic up and down pumping motion, there is a give and take.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

During sex, go down on her, then tease her - but dont get her off yet, ask her how it feels, ask her if she likes this or likes that etc, poke her buttons. Get her aroused and vulnerable, then when it comes to your turn, reassure her moves as she touches you, then give orders. Tell her you need to be in her mouth, that you want to feel her tongue on... you know

You start off by showing her what it means to explore each other and push her buttons, then you let her push yours. After a while she should learn and get it


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

My husband is also thick/well-endowed and it's frustrating to not be able to go very long without my jaw aching terribly. I don't stop altogether but I have to take a quick break every few minutes.

I never had that problem before and considered myself very talented in that area. One of my ex's had never climaxed through oral in his life (and he was in his late 30's by then) but did quickly with me. He was actually stunned the first time it happened.

The other issue with my husband is that he just lies there quietly, which doesn't exactly inspire me. I've tried all my best tricks and just never get much of a response. He doesn't go for ball sucking, doesn't care one way or the other about the perineum thing. He's told me he just likes intercourse better but I wish I could get him off orally at least once in a while. 

I don't know why someone would get upset when given direction. I mean, everyone is different and we aren't born knowing what other people want. I have gotten to the point where I am very clear about what I like and don't like, orally.

Why would you want to waste time on a move that isn't doing it for your partner?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

pink_lady said:


> My husband is also thick/well-endowed and it's frustrating to not be able to go very long without my jaw aching terribly. I don't stop altogether but I have to take a quick break every few minutes.
> 
> I never had that problem before and considered myself very talented in that area. One of my ex's had never climaxed through oral in his life (and he was in his late 30's by then) but did quickly with me. He was actually stunned the first time it happened.
> 
> ...


If things don't work out between you and hubbie, I assure you that there will be a long list of potential spouses lined up waiting after they read this post.

Some of the poor brothers around here have been so deprived in this department that women like you sound almost like a mythical creature spoken of long ago...


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

pink_lady said:


> I don't know why someone would get upset when given direction. I mean, everyone is different and we aren't born knowing what other people want. I have gotten to the point where I am very clear about what I like and don't like, orally.
> 
> Why would you want to waste time on a move that isn't doing it for your partner?


I think women get upset because they (I'm just talking about the women who actually get upset when offered advice) are doing something they consider as a 'favor' or a 'treat' for their partner, so they shouldn't ask for anything more than what theya re getting. They tend to see this direction more as 'criticism', which it isn't. 

Men are just trying to poit out what they like, and the women seem to take it the same as if you said the Christmas present you got from them would have been better if it was a different color. 

A lot of women think you should just be happy it's tking place at all and just shut up and enjoy it or it won't be happening again.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

IndyTM said:


> The thing that put me over the top was the fingers tickling/pressing the perineum.


I have found that using a fingertip vibe on this area during a BJ can cause quite the response as well! :smthumbup:


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I haven't read the replies in this thread, but I can say from experience, that when I married my husband, I "sucked" at blow jobs. (No pun intended).

What he did *then* was *really* positively reinforce what I did well - no negative or instructional language at all. I learned on my own and now he says that I'm "awesome" at giving blow jobs.

I was vulnerable, like your wife, when I first started... And I likely would have balked at any sort of criticism at the time.

The keys are: be grateful for what she's doing, and not what she doesn't do.. And when she does something awesome, let her know! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Michael A. Brown (Oct 16, 2012)

Just talk with her and tell your concern and I think she will gonna understand it.


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