# Is she going too far?



## yabudnick (May 7, 2014)

I've never posted anything like this before, so forgive me for any blunders.

I met my wife 8 years ago. We were best friends for two years, dated, got married a year and a half ago and now have a beautiful 13 month old son. When we met, I went through issues with depression and anxiety, untreated. She convinced me to see a doctor and get started on medication. The doctors told us that day that beginning new anti depressants can take years to figure out the right "concoction", and I could go through some ups and downs. My wife understood and promised she'd never leave and that she would stick by me forever. The five years that followed that appointment were a rollercoaster of emotional damage. Due to bad luck in our financial and job fields, I kept having to switch my medication so save money. I jumped around to almost 10 different types of pills. I had several instances of suicidal thoughts, crying, and punching walls. I had never threatened anyone but myself. I went through a phase where I would hurt myself, but I never had any desire to pose a threat to someone else. 

When I would go through these episodes, my wife would do what I ask, because I was always willing to try anything to get my mood to change. When nothing would work, she would cry and get upset with me for upsetting her. Each time over those years that we went through an episode, her reaction became louder and more angry. It got to the point to where I was pacing back and forward in our room trying to calm myself and she was holding our son, crying and yelling at me for slamming a door. I thought back to my therapist, who told me that when I feel like I'm losing control to step away, be alone, calm down, then return. But my wife wouldn't let me out of the room because she was afraid I would kill myself. I kept shaking, and she told me to "hit her" because she knew I wanted to. I jumped back, I said "NO! I would never!!" and she pushed her chest up against me, got and inch from my face and said "Do something.". Again, I jumped back and told her how shocked I was that she was saying this. Our son was in the room.

About a month ago, my wife's phone lit up with a strange looking text, which she quickly hid from me. I eventually convinced her (with a fight) to let me see her phone. I found several texts to another girl that she had known in college that were flirtatious. She admitted that she was in love with this girl and not with me. I had started new medication a few weeks earlier and had FINALLY felt like I had control, and thank God because this situation unmedicated would have killed me. I told her I was done and that I was leaving. Out of habit, I let loose a few clues that I was suicidal but tried covering them up. I was much more in control of my emotions, but I was destroyed and I had years of bad habits. I walked out, and drove away. I calmly drove to a friends house and ignored my phone for about three hours while I ignored everything, watching TV with my friend and got my head straight. Once I felt better, I saw my wife had called a bunch and left a lot of voice mails crying because she thought I was dead. I replied, but she seemed careless that I was ok. When I came back home, she had her dad come over. He was angry with me, but had "no idea" that his daughter had been seeing someone else. I went upstairs and we talked, she told me that it was my fault. She told me that she had gone through years worth of "emotional abuse" trying to help me heal that she stopped caring for herself and now she has zero self esteem. Now shes considering divorce. Ive spent 7 weeks now trying to save our marriage but shes refusing to see a counselor. Things started going better, but now she wants me to move out. She says she needs a break to figure out what she wants. She says shes concerned that our son will pick up on my depression, even though i'm now finally 100% better thanks to the right meds.

Im moving out tonight. She says we may work out, we may not. I have no idea if this really is what is right or not. Im so confused and numb. Any suggestions to save my family?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Why didn't you tell her dad the truth?
Why are you moving out?
Dude!


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

My stbx dealt with alcholism and depression. He also had a temper and would hit things when he was mad. Believe me it takes a toll on the people around you. At first i wanted to help him, then I got sad for him.. then the anger began because it was always about him and never about the rest of us. It felt like we had to tip toe around him so that we didn't make him mad or sad. Unlike your wife, I never strayed and had an affair but years of dealing with what i went through with him has made me want a divorce because i want more for myself!! 
The best piece of advice i can give you is; worry about fixing yourself first! You need to be happy with yourself before you can be in a relationship. Build your relationship with your son. Everything else will wall into place the way it should, when it should!!


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I would tell her I am not going anywhere and she is the one with the problems she can leave. I would keep your child with you. I would get a lawyer and move towards divorce. People don't need time when they are cheating. They need shown where the door is. 

Its up to them to fix themselves not you. Subjecting yourself and your child to a horrible person like this is not good at all. 

If she wakes up you can always stop it but seriously I would be more interested in taking care of your child than dealing with her issue.


I kept custody of my kids and kicked my xW out. She had a place to go. The OM and his family welcomed her right in. I filed and 21 days later we were divorced. 

Clay


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