# Discussing your age with others...



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

So this lady I met at a dog park we have been talking for a few times a week at dog park when we see each other..

A while back she was talking about age and she said she was 62 and I told her my age that I just turned 50...no big deal. Last night she brought up age again in relation to menopause and when you start and I said I have not had any symptoms yet but my sister was telling me that she started about age 54 so chances are I have about 4 years left So she said wow you are only 50 and I said how old did you think I was and she said I thought you were around 55 and I thought who says that...I would never tell someone to their face that I thought they were older than the age that they are. I did not say anything but thought after who says that to someone?? 

Am I being over sensitive? She seems to be hung up on age, her age mainly, as she is always talking about how she is 62.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

highwood said:


> Am I being over sensitive? She seems to be hung up on age, her age mainly, as she is always talking about how she is 62.


I don't think you are - it was a rude thing to say. I consider myself somewhat socially clueless, and even I know that. 

Feel the freedom to simply smile and not comment the next time she brings up age.


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

May I suggest you work into the conversation, a paraphrase from Sir Francis Bacon: "I will never be an old woman. To me, old age is always 12 years older than I am.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

23cm said:


> May I suggest you work into the conversation, a paraphrase from Sir Francis Bacon: "I will never be an old woman. To me, old age is always 12 years older than I am.



Love it!!!


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

We use to always say...I'm old enough to know better but young enough not to care.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Yes, what she said was impolite but maybe it was just a slip. If she says it again, calmly comment that isn't very polite. If she wants to go on about her condition(s) it's probably fine to let her talk, but don't tell her more than you're comfortable saying wrt your condition.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I always think of a good comeback afterwards


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

highwood said:


> I always think of a good comeback afterwards


The next time she mentions that she is sixty two ask her has she had a hard life.😈


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> The next time she mentions that she is sixty two ask her has she had a hard life.😈


OMG that would be epic!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

If I'm reading posts correctly, I'd say she didn't remember you told her you were 50, in first encounter. Or I'm perhaps not reading as it's intended. 

Then yes, next, she guessed older than actual, a sometimes social faux paux.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If I'm reading posts correctly, I'd say she didn't remember you told her you were 50, in first encounter. Or I'm perhaps not reading as it's intended.
> 
> Then yes, next, she guessed older than actual, a sometimes social faux paux.


That would be fine if she forgot but this is the line that is to be honest, pretty insensitive. "So she said wow you are only 50 and I said how old did you think I was and she said I thought you were around 55"

If it were me I would just shrug my shoulders and from there on out just say hi and wave and avoid any further conversations.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

stillfightingforus said:


> That would be fine if she forgot but this is the line that is to be honest, pretty insensitive. "So she said wow you are only 50 and I said how old did you think I was and she said I thought you were around 55"
> 
> If it were me I would just shrug my shoulders and from there on out just say hi and wave and avoid any further conversations.


Exactly how it went down...all I said was because my sis started at 54 I was still four years away and that is when she said your 50 and seem surprised by it so that is why I asked her how old she thought I was....that is when she said 55.

I can't imagine myself saying to someone at work when I hear their age wow I thought you were older. Who does that??? I am ticked at myself that I didn't say something back to her. I almost think it is a deliberate attempt to put me down...because she always goes on about how she is one of the older ones. Which I find weird, like who cares about age, we are at dog park!!!!!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Or at 62.... she's less concerned about niceties. It may or may not make her to crusty in attitude to continue, or as you see fit.
When I'm 62, I may be more direct, I don't know until I'm there. In six years btw. 😎


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It's all relative I guess. 
For more data, if helpful....when I was 22 co workers and women thought I was 25. At 25 women thought I was 29. At 50 women thought I was 45 (getting better).

But all misperceptions helped my career and dating. I was out of college at 20. Training others at 23. International travel 23 to 34. Suit and tie all career. Consulting engineer 25 to 35. 
At 24, once got a 24,000.00 raise because I acted and looked the part. But also knew my stuff, so to speak. I could fill the position when opportunity knocked. *Cool, because this was before many present HR PC rules to follow.

Dating wildly 16 to 23. Married at 23. Kids at 24. And so on.
Blessed, in same career with expanding specialties and continued education.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

highwood said:


> Exactly how it went down...all I said was because my sis started at 54 I was still four years away and that is when she said your 50 and seem surprised by it *so that is why I asked her how old she thought I was*....that is when she said 55.


It's best never to ask questions you aren't prepared to hear the answers to. I would have simply said, "Yep, 50!" with a big smile and continued the conversation in another direction. I would never have asked her how old she thought I was. That sort of thing is pretty much always going to go in some unexpected direction that has the potential to leave one or more of you offended in some manner.

I also don't ask small children how old they think I am, if they like my outfit, or anything else regarding my age or appearance. Children and old people are generally pretty unfiltered and prone to blurting out the first thing that comes into their minds. It's often not anything you'd really want to hear unless you have a stellar sense of humor and very sound self-esteem.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Rowan said:


> It's best never to ask questions you aren't prepared to hear the answers to. I would have simply said, "Yep, 50!" with a big smile and continued the conversation in another direction. I would never have asked her how old she thought I was. That sort of thing is pretty much always going to go in some unexpected direction that has the potential to leave one or more of you offended in some manner.
> 
> I also don't ask small children how old they think I am, if they like my outfit, or anything else regarding my age or appearance. Children and old people are generally pretty unfiltered and prone to blurting out the first thing that comes into their minds. It's often not anything you'd really want to hear unless you have a stellar sense of humor and very sound self-esteem.


True enough! LOL though, I don't really view 62 as "old" but I get what you are saying!


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

When I don't want to talk about age or consider the question to be inappropriate, I always lie ridiculously BIG---either I'm only three, was three when I married, etc. or the reverse by adding 20 years to my age---always with a smile on my face.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

sunsetmist said:


> When I don't want to talk about age or consider the question to be inappropriate, I always lie ridiculously BIG---either I'm only three, was three when I married, etc. or the reverse by adding 20 years to my age---always with a smile on my face.


LOL...I like that, I should either add 10 or delete 10...so either I am 40 or 60.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

With her seeming to have a slight obsession with age, she may be fishing for compliments. So when she says she is 62, she wants people to say, wow you dont look it. She then tries to make others feel bad by saying they look older than they are. 

I remember one lady after asking the age of my children, saying 'you are very well preserved'.I said thanks.....I think. Never heard it put that way before.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Rude!!!


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I've noticed that women that are sensitive about their age related appearance themselves are often the worst offenders when it comes to this behavior. Its sad really. I've seen women literally gaslight women in their circle of friends, telling them they look older, pointing out "defects" etc, to the point that their friends start getting injections and work done. Its really messed up.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

highwood said:


> …..and I said I have not had any symptoms yet but my sister was telling me that she started about age 54 so chances are I have about 4 years left


Seriously??

I thought you were a dude!

Just goes to show ya not everyone who is calm and rational is a guy.

PS, (I really should pay more attention, it seems.)

PPS, (I hope you're not offended!)

PPSS, (There are other high post count members here whose gender is still a mystery to me, lol)

PPPSS, (Ok, I'm done)


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Sounds like her filter malfunctioned. Yeah, it was a cringey remark.

However, I gotta say, I cant imagine getting that upset because a senior I barely knew misjudged my age.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

You asked the question and it was her responsibility to be honest.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> I've noticed that women that are sensitive about their age related appearance themselves are often the worst offenders when it comes to this behavior. Its sad really. I've seen women literally gaslight women in their circle of friends, telling them they look older, pointing out "defects" etc, to the point that their friends start getting injections and work done. Its really messed up.


It is messed up, but also foolish for the other women to allow one persons opinions to influence them so much that they have botox or surgery. Who would want a friend like that anyway?


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> It is messed up, but also foolish for the other women to allow one persons opinions to influence them so much that they have botox or surgery. Who would want a friend like that anyway?


Its hard to explain, but in the upper middle class and upper class the social structure is very much like high school. There are queen bees and mean girls, and everyone wants to fit in. Life really isn't so far from what you'd see on a real housewives reality show.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

ReformedHubby said:


> Diana7 said:
> 
> 
> > It is messed up, but also foolish for the other women to allow one persons opinions to influence them so much that they have botox or surgery. Who would want a friend like that anyway?
> ...


Eh, I was a country club debutante. It's still a choice to mountain or molehill.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Rowan said:


> It's best never to ask questions you aren't prepared to hear the answers to. I would have simply said, "Yep, 50!" with a big smile and continued the conversation in another direction. I would never have asked her how old she thought I was. That sort of thing is pretty much always going to go in some unexpected direction that has the potential to leave one or more of you offended in some manner.
> 
> I also don't ask small children how old they think I am, if they like my outfit, or anything else regarding my age or appearance. Children and old people are generally pretty unfiltered and prone to blurting out the first thing that comes into their minds. It's often not anything you'd really want to hear unless you have a stellar sense of humor and very sound self-esteem.


Exactly.


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## Justinian (Mar 7, 2015)

My son just turned 50. We look a lot alike, and we are often asked if we are brothers.

Seems to bother him more than it does me.


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## SarcasticRed (Feb 21, 2018)

It was rude of her...she should know by now not to tell anyone over the age of 21 that they look older. Under 21, some people like to be told they look older and don't like to be mistaken for younger.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Why just last Thursday, Methuselah and I got into a pi$$ing contest as to who was older ~ Well, when he realized how old that Ol' Arb was, he hung his head and sauntered away with his tail tucked 'tween his legs!*


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Over the weekend, I bought some wine. The checkout person asked for ID. I thanked her for making my day 😄


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

ReformedHubby said:


> I've noticed that women that are sensitive about their age related appearance themselves are often the worst offenders when it comes to this behavior. Its sad really. I've seen women literally gaslight women in their circle of friends, telling them they look older, pointing out "defects" etc, to the point that their friends start getting injections and work done. Its really messed up.


This is so true, unfortunately. I was in the grocery store a couple weeks ago and ran into an older lady that I know who was there with her daughter (who’s my age) and young grandsons. This woman goes to church with me and has always been very nice. I stopped to say hello and one of the boys said I looked pretty. I smiled and said thank you. When I started to walk off the older lady mumbled “She always looks young and pretty, it’s sickening.” 
I was very shocked and a little hurt. It didn’t feel like a compliment at all.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

*I was very shocked and a little hurt. It didn’t feel like a compliment at all.

*

Gee, I, on the other hand, WOULD have considered it to be a compliment. Of course, maybe that depends on her expression and body language. Congrats on always looking good.


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

Yes. She was very rude. 

I always like to follow something like that with, "Geez, don't spare my feelings there." In a semi-sarcastic tone. Let's them know right away they stepped on my toes without holding it in and letting it fester. 

Sorry that happened to you.


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

sunsetmist said:


> *I was very shocked and a little hurt. It didn’t feel like a compliment at all.
> 
> *
> 
> Gee, I, on the other hand, WOULD have considered it to be a compliment. Of course, maybe that depends on her expression and body language. Congrats on always looking good.


Ha! She only sees me occasionally at church or out in public. I certainly don’t look perfect all the time. We are on our way home from the lake right now and I’ve got tangled hair and a slightly sunburned face. 

It was more of her tone of voice than what she said.


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## MZMEE (Apr 17, 2018)

I find that when people get in their 60s, age seems to be an issue for some reason. Take it from me who's husband just turned 63 (I'm 48). It's like he is so concerned about age no matter what I say. 

The key is to LET IT BE HER ISSUE. She has some hangups for whatever reason. Yeah it was a little rude to say what she said but some people just have no filter. The key is to know who you are no matter what people say. Don't take it personal.

At this point it sounds like she is just someone you see at the dog park. Not a close friend so it's up to you to determine the progression of the friendship. If she is going to be annoying to you concerning age...cut it off before she gets too close and move on.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

MZMEE said:


> I find that when people get in their 60s, age seems to be an issue for some reason. Take it from me who's husband just turned 63 (I'm 48). It's like he is so concerned about age no matter what I say.
> 
> The key is to LET IT BE HER ISSUE. She has some hangups for whatever reason. Yeah it was a little rude to say what she said but some people just have no filter. The key is to know who you are no matter what people say. Don't take it personal.
> 
> At this point it sounds like she is just someone you see at the dog park. Not a close friend so it's up to you to determine the progression of the friendship. If she is going to be annoying to you concerning age...cut it off before she gets too close and move on.


Very true!


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I was looking at some site online about regular (non celebrity) women who look younger than their age and all the ones that were around my age (50) look good for their age but do not look younger than 50. So I thought who are these women that claim they are 50 and everybody thinks they are in their 30s...because even when someone looks great at 50 or 55 or 60 they do not often look 10 years younger.

Even when I look at women I work with who are in my age range...they do look their age but some look better or worse depending on how they have taken care of themselves. One lady is 49 but is at least 50 lbs over weight and looks unhealthy and another one is 52 and looks great however the one that looks great also looks her age.

I don't know anybody who is 50 and people think they look 30 or even 40.

While hiking yesterday I met up on the trail with some lady that I don't really know that well but I know that she owns a fitness studio...anyway she was trying to guess my age??? which to me was weird but she was eager to yak about all of her knowledge about perimenopausal women and how I should NOT be doing kickboxing because it causes injuries and how I should stick to hiking. She said to me let me guess you are 52/53 and I said no 50, this was when she rattled on about how kickboxing causes injuries and how hiking is best for perimenopausal women. 

I kicked myself after because I thought I should have said no I am 65

It was an odd conversation.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

highwood said:


> I was looking at some site online about regular (non celebrity) women who look younger than their age and all the ones that were around my age (50) look good for their age but do not look younger than 50. So I thought who are these women that claim they are 50 and everybody thinks they are in their 30s...because even when someone looks great at 50 or 55 or 60 they do not often look 10 years younger.
> 
> Even when I look at women I work with who are in my age range...they do look their age but some look better or worse depending on how they have taken care of themselves. One lady is 49 but is at least 50 lbs over weight and looks unhealthy and another one is 52 and looks great however the one that looks great also looks her age.
> 
> ...


I have had many comments over the years from different people saying that I look young for my age and that I cant possibly have children the age of mine etc . The last one was about 2 years when a pharmacist was doing a check on my prescription medication. He looked down at my age on the form and said, 'good heavens you don't look 60',(as I was then). He seemed truly shocked. 

I don't wear make up, have botox or dress younger than my age, so its not something I am making the effort to do, but I do have good skin, partly from mums side of the family who all have good skin, and partly because I avoid siting in the sun.I barely have a wrinkle at 62 and my 2 aunts who recently died at age 85 and 93 still had pretty good skin. My cousins on mums side are all older than me, and they are look similar to what they did 30 years ago. 

There are people who look younger than their age and those who look older, some try too hard by having botox or face lifts or wearing lots of make up to hide wrinkles, but some are just naturally young looking. That's life.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Yeah botox usually does not look great down the road. There was a woman on Dr. pHil show last week and she got alot of botox and she looked weird.

I think that in terms of looks that your looks stay to a certain extent but you just look older but can still be nice looking, if that makes sense!

So you can be a great looking, 30-40-50-60-70, etc. old as you age. However obviously a nice looking 60 year old is not going to get the same attention from 30 year old guys that the 30 year old would get


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

highwood said:


> Yeah botox usually does not look great down the road. There was a woman on Dr. pHil show last week and she got alot of botox and she looked weird.
> 
> I think that in terms of looks that your looks stay to a certain extent but you just look older but can still be nice looking, if that makes sense!
> 
> So you can be a great looking, 30-40-50-60-70, etc. old as you age. However obviously a nice looking 60 year old is not going to get the same attention from 30 year old guys that the 30 year old would get


Thank goodness for that, I wouldn't want attention from men younger than my children!!!
However 50 year olds can look 40. 60 year olds can look 50 etc.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Met a lady today who never got told to stop sunbathing Sunblock is your best friend. Most people are surprised when I tell them I’ll be 50 in the Spring. 

I’m sure most have seen this photo of a career truck driver floating around the Internet but I’ll post it again:











Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Met a lady today who never got told to stop sunbathing Sunblock is your best friend. Most people are surprised when I tell them I’ll be 50 in the Spring.
> 
> I’m sure most have seen this photo of a career truck driver floating around the Internet but I’ll post it again:
> 
> ...


You are right the sun is so damaging. Fortunately I have never been a sun worshipper and I live in the UK, so I haven't had much sun damage. I remember when I went to Oz 11 years ago with my husband who is Australian. I saw so many older people whose skin was just terrible, and not just on their face.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

This thread is a reminder of why I generally like dogs better than I like people.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> This thread is a reminder of why I generally like dogs better than I like people.


I like dogs and people.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

I like dogs. People will do if there are no available dogs 🤣


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

highwood said:


> So this lady I met at a dog park we have been talking for a few times a week at dog park when we see each other..
> 
> A while back she was talking about age and she said she was 62 and I told her my age that I just turned 50...no big deal. Last night she brought up age again in relation to menopause and when you start and I said I have not had any symptoms yet but my sister was telling me that she started about age 54 so chances are I have about 4 years left So she said wow you are only 50 and I said how old did you think I was and she said I thought you were around 55 and I thought who says that...I would never tell someone to their face that I thought they were older than the age that they are. I did not say anything but thought after who says that to someone??
> 
> Am I being over sensitive? She seems to be hung up on age, her age mainly, as she is always talking about how she is 62.


Of course you'd be bothered by her rudeness. If you aren't able to let it roll off you like water off (you know the rest of the phrase), decide that you are going to handle that kind of thing better next time...meaning take care of yourself.

Why don't you practice saying exactly what you are thinking with a laugh? Had someone said something like that to me, I would have said, "Well, that hurt!" If I felt particularly playful, I might quickly add, "Were you trying to do that?" You can say it laughing, or without too much levity, so you don't come off as aggressive, but matter of fact.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Some people are just mean. They have something going on in their lives, or their head, and they take every opportunity to find the (perceived) weak spot and poke. They want to always figure out a way (usually by a put-down) to take the (perceived) upper hand.

You can't change them, but you can trust yourself to be your own advocate.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LeananSidhe said:


> This is so true, unfortunately. I was in the grocery store a couple weeks ago and ran into an older lady that I know who was there with her daughter (who’s my age) and young grandsons. This woman goes to church with me and has always been very nice. I stopped to say hello and one of the boys said I looked pretty. I smiled and said thank you. When I started to walk off the older lady mumbled “She always looks young and pretty, it’s sickening.”
> I was very shocked and a little hurt. It didn’t feel like a compliment at all.


Just be grateful that you are not her!


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Araucaria said:


> Of course you'd be bothered by her rudeness. If you aren't able to let it roll off you like water off (you know the rest of the phrase), decide that you are going to handle that kind of thing better next time...meaning take care of yourself.
> 
> Why don't you practice saying exactly what you are thinking with a laugh? Had someone said something like that to me, I would have said, "Well, that hurt!" If I felt particularly playful, I might quickly add, "Were you trying to do that?" You can say it laughing, or without too much levity, so you don't come off as aggressive, but matter of fact.
> 
> ...


Love this...yes be my own advocate! Next time I will brag about myself and how I take care of myself instead of leaving those conversations feeling disheartened and insecure! Unfortunately at kickboxing you don't see too many 50 plus year olds doing kickboxing so I am pleased that I love it and do it 5 times per week!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Rowan said:


> It's best never to ask questions you aren't prepared to hear the answers to. I would have simply said, "Yep, 50!" with a big smile and continued the conversation in another direction. I would never have asked her how old she thought I was. That sort of thing is pretty much always going to go in some unexpected direction that has the potential to leave one or more of you offended in some manner.
> 
> I also don't ask small children how old they think I am, if they like my outfit, or anything else regarding my age or appearance. *Children and old people are generally pretty unfiltered and prone to blurting out the first thing that comes into their minds. *It's often not anything you'd really want to hear unless you have a stellar sense of humor and very sound self-esteem.


How did I miss this gem the first time around? lol

Yeah, children have yet to develop their social filters and we old people know the value of time as ours is getting shorter every day so we tend to bypass our filters and cut right to the point. Given, we ever had filters. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.:grin2:


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

highwood said:


> Love this...yes be my own advocate! Next time I will brag about myself and how I take care of myself instead of leaving those conversations feeling disheartened and insecure! Unfortunately at kickboxing you don't see too many 50 plus year olds doing kickboxing so I am pleased that I love it and do it 5 times per week!


Well how about you stop worrying what others think, don't brag, because that sort of shows insecurity as well, and just enjoy your life. One benefit of aging is that I just don't care what others think. At 62 the only person's opinion I care about is my husbands and he seems pretty happy.:smile2:


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Sometimes when I am caught off guard by a thoughtless comment, I just chuckle and say "Ouch!" or "Yikes!" It just sort of comes out. It does have the intended effect most of the time though.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Well how about you stop worrying what others think, don't brag, because that sort of shows insecurity as well, and just enjoy your life. One benefit of aging is that I just don't care what others think. At 62 the only person's opinion I care about is my husbands and he seems pretty happy.:smile2:



I agree totally with this


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

highwood said:


> Love this...yes be my own advocate! Next time I will brag about myself and how I take care of myself instead of leaving those conversations feeling disheartened and insecure! Unfortunately at kickboxing you don't see too many 50 plus year olds doing kickboxing so I am pleased that I love it and do it 5 times per week!


You don't have to brag on yourself, that can leave you feeling just as bad. Just be genuine, and honest, with kindness. Sometimes people need to hear the truth about their comments, but not in an overly done drama filled way.

My MIL used to put me down in similar ways as the lady you met at the park. After a few times of that, I bragged on myself to try to show her she was wrong. That made me feel worse.

Eventually I realized that she put me down because she felt badly about herself. Not that she wanted what I had, but she just needed to always feel superior, no matter the circumstance. Now I pity her and am able to just let her (stupid) remarks go without comment, whether positive or negative. I don't need to prove myself to her, nor do I need to show her how shallow she is. I have more important things in my life to do than that.

However you respond to meanness, be true to your own values.


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