# Married less than 1 year - Already want out!



## FamilyDude (Jan 23, 2013)

Long story short - I made a huge mistake by rushing into a second marriage. When I started dating my second wife, I can't explain how awesome it felt to be loved again. I had previously been devastated after my wife of 13 years left me.

My wife has 4 kids between the ages of 4 and 15 from her first marriage. Initially, I'd thought that I could handle 4 step kids but it is SO much more difficult than I'd anticipated.

My wife isn't working even though she said that she would after getting settled. Financially, we are sinking fast. Anyway, I'm finding myself totally overwhelmed and outnumbered. I realize my mistake in rushing into this marriage but I don't know what to do. Do I ride it out and get counseling or call it quits?!? The step kids have already been through hell and I'd hate to put them through another divorce, but I wonder if it would be better now than years down the road? My wife and I are always bickering and it is driving me nuts.

Input would be appreciated. Thanks!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why wouldn't you at least TRY counseling? You don't have to give it "years", but it seems your family deserves a chance. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

As someone who was the one dumped after less than one year into a blended family marriage...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE try to work on things first! It takes a lot of time to get everyone working together. YES, its hard. But you love your partner, (right??) and isnt she worth putting forth the effort to at least TRY to make it work? My 15 yr old daughter was shattered when my husband divorced me, well, divorced US, essentially. We had barely gotten settled into our new home and found ourselves tossed out.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Getting counseling doesn't mean you have to stay in the marriage.
And it doesn't mean you have to leave the marriage.

It means you two TALK about your problems, find a resolution for your problems, make a workable plan for your problems, and step forward into that plan. Now your plan may involve remaining married, or it may involve getting a divorce. But it is a multi-step process.

The sooner you two get started on counseling, the sooner you'll be able to address your issues in a responsible manner.

Don't COMPOUND the problem by repeating the SAME MISTAKE: You moved too quickly into the marriage without thinking it through, without considering all the aspects/ramifications. Don't move OUT of the marriage TOO SOON without thinking it through, without considering all the aspects/ramifications. 

Learn the lesson: Look BEFORE you leap.


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## FamilyDude (Jan 23, 2013)

Yes, I love my wife and she is worth the effort. I'm just finding that she has way more issues than I was aware of. Her ex is an arse and has really done a number on her, emotionally. I'm not sure she'll be able to work through some of this stuff without years of professional help. Anyway, I appreciate the sound advice and isight. It has helped me put things in perspective. I will definitely seek counseling.


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## 82Baby (Jan 18, 2013)

@familydude, I hope that you seek counseling and not give up on your marriage. Remember your vows and the promise you made before God, " for Better or for Worse". Maybe you think your at your Worse right now, but work extra hard to make it Better.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

FamilyDude said:


> Yes, I love my wife and she is worth the effort. I'm just finding that she has way more issues than I was aware of. Her ex is an arse and has really done a number on her, emotionally. I'm not sure she'll be able to work through some of this stuff without years of professional help.


Doesn't she love you enough to try to surmount her past? She wanted to marry you, she wanted your future, to be with you in it, is it too much to ask for her to make an effort to face herself and let that baggage go?

I only comment because after hours of talks it turns out my wife of 10 years STILL has hang ups and issues all stemming back to her first boyfriend. And in ALL THIS TIME, *MY* love, *MY* affection, etc were not enough to eclipse his memory. It's as though he is still there. And it kills me that I have wasted ten years of my life in the shadow of another man.


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