# If cheating is addictive - what turns cheaters around?



## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

A thought occurred to me today - everyone compares cheating to addiction - if such is the case then what gets a person over it? In my case, my ex moved in with her affair partner and therefore should have all the "crack-cocaine" she desires. If it is an addiction, this will only escalate her addiction to him - how do they eventually get off the addiction? Just curious.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's a choice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Airbus (Feb 8, 2012)

The addiction that people talk about is the dopamine high you get when falling in love. I'm quite sure that many who jump the fence because they think the grass is greener, end up sadly disappointed.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

aids,herpes,VD in general.

getting fat and ulgy,being kicked to the curb,

but in all reality I don't think many of them ever turn around. if they knew they wouldn't get caught they would still be cheating.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

As Airbus said, the "addiction" isn't to the cheating itself, but to the chemical rush that cheaters experience as a result. Cheaters who successfully break the pattern basically find other, hopefully more acceptable, activities to achieve that same "high."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Rock bottom breaks addictions. When you kill the fantasy and force reality in their face the "high" dies along with their relationship.


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## ChangingMe (Oct 3, 2012)

FWW here. For me, it was getting caught and seeing what the results of my actions actual were (husband nearly left me, and still isn't 100% he's not going to, losing my kids part of the time, nearly losing my job, etc.). It was enough to snap me out of the fog and break the addiction in one quick swoop. 

From what I read though, even when the WS leaves for the AP, that relationship tends to unravel fairly quickly, since once the realities of day-to-day life are applied, the affair is much less enjoyable and exciting. During the A, you don't have to deal with regular stressors, such as paying bills, getting along, regular stuff that a couple has to handle. It's all fun and excitement and surreal. Take away those elements, and you're left with a relationship that will need actual work, plus you have the added bonus of knowing you both cheated, so now you have to be concerned about whether each of you will cheat on each other.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Grayson said:


> As Airbus said, the "addiction" isn't to the cheating itself, but to the chemical rush that cheaters experience as a result. Cheaters who successfully break the pattern basically find other, hopefully more acceptable, activities to achieve that same "high."
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: Exactly.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> A thought occurred to me today - everyone compares cheating to addiction - if such is the case then what gets a person over it? In my case, my ex moved in with her affair partner and therefore should have all the "crack-cocaine" she desires. If it is an addiction, this will only escalate her addiction to him - how do they eventually get off the addiction? Just curious.


It depends on what is the root cause of his cheating. 

If he's normal, perhaps it only boils down to choice. 

If the cheater is not normal, by pscyh manual standards, there is not much you can do. 

For example if he has a personality disorder, or if he has a lesion on his frontal lobes or an infarction that somehow effects impulse control, the cheater may not be able to control their sexual impulses and urges.

Some personality disorders can be difficult to diagnose. 

PDs are spectrum disorders that run from mild to pathological.

Hence a mild PD may be very difficult to diagnose, but a pathological one would be easier.

This is a good question for you MC. She will likely explain all the issues to you.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Psychobabble aside, what it boils down to is that the cheater has to choose to change. If you liken it to an addiction, the addict has to WANT to change.


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

Divorce. She can't cheat if she's not married. 

Once you're no longer invested in her personal life in any way, then she's just in another mundane relationship.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Cheating isn't addictive. Getting away with it is addictive.


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## The bishop (Aug 19, 2012)

The whole thing is a big fantasy world that only you and your AP live in. You two are sharing this "life" that no one else knows about. The AP knows the true you, you know the one who is sneaking and lying. Each time you two are together, you feed the high..... All of a sudden the gig is up, and now, that life is reality. That is if you get caught of course.

That in its self usually wakes people up.... Some people still don't want to let it go. 

It is a fake relationship, once it starts getting real..... 9.5 out of 10 times it dies. Some cheater turn around others go chasing for that high again... Just like anyone who had to deal with some type of addiction, some recover, some don't.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Why do you continue with a cheating partner? Is this not your choice?


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