# my heart is hanging off a cliff-waiting to fall



## str8insane (Jan 30, 2012)

My entire marriage is a shame..
I married a wonderful,loving soul mate.he made me feel emotions & happiness that i've never had in my life.
I was sexualy abuse as a child.so i never trusted noone nor was open to relationships until he came along.
We've been married for 14yrs now-no children.
Military life thou.alot of moving..deployments.
Up until 3 yrs ago i still had butterflies everytime i saw him..we never faught nor had ever spoken one ill word to each other.=but after his 3rd deployment he became very withdrawn,making smart comments towards me.very hurtful words.the compliments stop completly..he started being on his laptop till wee hours of the nite,each time his cell would ring he would go into the bathroom-close the door..tell me it's work calling..but i knew he was lying cuz it was a weekend..even on holidays..i asked him str8 out if he was having an affair.
He looked right in my face,& said ''are you crazy hun???..
So i let it go.in the 14yrs i've never went thru his wallet or personal belongings,i've never questioned him on his where abouts..i fully trusted him 100%..well that changed last year..he was sent to another country/while there he was spending massive cash..he stopped calling everyday/when he did call he would only be on like 5 mins..my inner gut kept telling me he was up to no good./so i knew his email name/not his password.
So i hacked it & what i saw made me have a panic attack.
My wonderful hubby was having multiple affairs with women..he was great at it...each time the army would send him off for training in a diff state he would meet women & stay in hotels with them..he even had a necklace from 1 lady/which he showed me & told me he got it in iraq from a child.he lied to me..but the new 1 he has now i think he is fallen for her..i found that he buys her things/made a fake facebook account for her/has a youtube account for her with all these sex videos..in 1 month he spent 4,000 on her..i also found all the pix of them in bed/but what really is killing now is the video i just found last month of him & her having sex..i am so lost i cant think.all he keeps telling me is he is sorry.he wants this marriage..i dont..he has not gave me one reason why???..can anyone who has cheated on their wife please help me understand why men do this when they have a loyal beautiful fit wife at home..i do everything for this man..i even asked him was it me or am i not pleasing him and he is saying this had nothing to do with me at all..he told me he loves me more then life but he was lonely when he is not home..i asked him did he even think of us and he told me not that when he is with her he doesnt think of us at all..i asked him about my name on his arm..did she asked an he said yeah i told her it was my daughters name..ummm/// he dont have a daughter.he said its easy to lie to get laid..i really need someone to talk too..i cant talk to none around me..he is a high ranking soldier..i dont want to harm his job by seeking help..any advise would be a blessing..thank you..


----------



## Allybabe_18 (Dec 24, 2011)

First off, I am so, so, so very sorry to see u here & read ur circumstances. I can not really give u much insight into why ur husband wud do this & how u can move forward thru this as my story is very different. I will suggest u stick around here & do some reading as so many ppl have been down the path of infedelity on both sides, as the wayward spouse & the betrayed spouse. Someone can help you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Cheaters cheat because they are no good selfish a$$holes. It has nothing to do with you. It is an ego trip. Even the celebrities chat on their super hot model gfs. They do it because they can and chose to.


----------



## str8insane (Jan 30, 2012)

Thank you guys so much..what is causing me so much mental is the fact he lies to my face.did so much stuff with this woman,my husband didnt even dance at our wedding cuz he told me he didnt know how too but he goes to another country for 12 months deployed & is at the club everynite with her where she works & dances with her plus buys her nice things..in one of the pix i found on his digital camera from the hotel she was wearing his jersey i bought him..and yeap-he gave it to her.he spent our anniversary with this woman & the entire month of our wedding mean while he sent me flowers.but when i caught him i cleary asked him was this what he wanted cuz i'm woman enough to walk away,for him to make up his mind.but he tells me ''no hun i love you''...she doesn't mean nothing..really???...i find it hard to believe any male would do even half of what my hubby did for this woman & it didn't mean nothing as he claims..but the most vital words that tore my heart up was when he told me i was never in his mind,and he was someone i never knew by his actions..just by what he was writting to her and the songs he was sending her was immature.i gave him seperation papers but he wont sign them.he told me he would kill himself first before he allows me to leave him.so i'm at a lost.i love this man more then i could ever imagine..but i truly feel if i allow him to stay he will continue to be a cheater


----------



## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

This guy is a serial cheater.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

*he is a high ranking soldier..i dont want to harm his job by seeking help..any advise would be a blessing..thank you.. *

I have over 36 years in the military and your husband makes me want to puke. *Expose him and his affair to his commander.* He is a disgrace. He is treating you like crap. There are many of us in the military who worked for men like your lousy husband or have soldiers like him work for us and it is not a good situation. 

Adultery is still a punishable offence in the military. 

Get tested for STD's.

Do not say I don't want to harm him. He has done great harm to you and who knows what gift he may have already given you and you may be symtom free.

A soldier who cheats on his wife is scum. What about loyalty, integrity, selfless service, respect, duty, honor and personal courage? He as a leader is suppose to live by these values everyday he puts on his uniform as well as when he is off duty. Part of leaadership is leading by example in words, deeds and actions. He is not fit to lead. He betrayed you. He lied to you. He cheated. I would not want him next to me in combat as I could not trust him if I knew what he did.

He has disgraced his uniform, the service and you.

I do not know you but you are the type of woman I would have loved to have known and been married. Because the way you describe yourself, it is the wife I thought I had.


----------



## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Do you have friends you can confide in? It really is horrible that you had to find those movies of those 2. It's bad enough when one knows there H cheated and with whom, the mind movies play over and over, but to actually see it, my goodness..... My H says he wants our marriage to work also. He is selfish, self-centered and narcissistic. When I trigger (It's been a little over 3 months since D day) my H flips out. So I told him if he does it again I am gone period. First he cheats on me for a year or more then when I trigger he pulls the sh*t he pulls. He becomes defensive and all like I am the bad one for triggering..... These men are nothing but low life scum of the earth. They will get their just rewards in this life or the next. I am still with my H and really don't know why. We have had a terrible marriage. He has been horrible selfish and all else throughout our marriage then he cheats and I am still with him..... I don't know why I stay. I do know that I used to be a very strong woman and now am a coward of sorts. But I am waking up, and the old me is returning slowly by slowly. He continues to be an ass well so long buddy. If your H treats you bad as mine does then walk sister. Don't look back and take him for all the military can offer you. And yes tell his commanding officer for sure. He has hurt you and dishonored all.....he deserves what's coming.....


----------



## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

> I don't know why I stay.


Nor do I.



> I do know that I used to be a very strong woman and now am a coward of sorts.


I don't think you're a coward. You have co-dependency issues. The familiarity of the marriage is keeping you there. As you stated, you have to find "yourself" again- your _individual_ self. This person got lost within the confines of the marriage. This also applies to the original poster. 



> If your H treats you bad as mine does then walk sister. Don't look back and take him for all the military can offer you. And yes tell his commanding officer for sure. He has hurt you and dishonored all.....he deserves what's coming.....


YUUUP!


----------



## str8insane (Jan 30, 2012)

Thorburn thank you for your kind words..it means alot to me to hear positive words.the only reason i havent contacted his commander was my lawyer told me if i did that i would be hurting myself in divorce court.something about alimony & support.i don't know ive never been divorced or in this mess before.all i know is now his army buddies are telling me all kind of stuff.one of his best friends is so mad becuz he never knew my hubby was cheating.i just was told also while he was in ft.sill at training for 30dys he flew some woman in & spent 4dys with her in a hotel.i'm totally floored right now with so much hurt.i do everything for this man i mean everything.i feel now this is why he did this to our life.he knew as long as i didnt know i would continue to treat him like the king.so now he is playing this mental game with me talking crazy..did i mention he is now in afhganastan..i've already heard about the affairs that go on over there too..you will not believe what he told me today when he called..i told him how i was waiting for him to come home so we could sign the papers..he laughed & told me that i wasnt leaving him becuz if i was for real i would not be talking to him..so i replied back & said..no...this just shows how mature i am by being upfront & not sneaking behind the back.thats the difference between me & you..wow did that shut him up real quick..lol..


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Support and alimony are usually dependent on your spouses income, so if you hurt that, you hurt your support later. You'll have to decide what's more important to you, I guess.

c


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I would call Military One Source 1.800.342.9647. You should be entilted to their services. You can look at their webpage online. Military One Source is confidential for military members and family members. They can assist you with anything including legal, couseling, even if your washer breaks. You will talk to a live human being. Counselors will be at least at the Master's level and they tend to be very good. they can also set you up for services locally. Keep in mind that they will not know your local folks so they may not always recommend the best only those folks in their data bank.

You should be entitled to legal help from the military and I would seek another legal opinion. In my state assets are divided up equally. Alimony is decided by a judge. In my case my attorney told me that we can recuse a judge until we find one who is husband friendly, one who has a track record of taking the side of the one who's wife cheated on them and one who has a track record of not granting alimony to a cheating spouse. your situation is opposite mine.

I would follow your attorney's advise. If they tell you not to report your husband then don't. I would want to nail this guy to the wall but unfortunately there are other factors to consider, and finances are a big part of your situation. 

Take care of yourself. You can't control your husband.


----------

