# Please help me - should I leave?



## kristen0203 (Mar 2, 2013)

Ever since we got back from our honeymoon, my husband has consistently chosen his friends over me. Numerous times he has decided it was important to see a friend, changed my birthday celebrations so that he could go to a bachelor party, etc. The worst of it was when he was out with his friends one night, and I had to go to the hospital (for a pre-existing condition). I couldn't get a hold of him, and when I finally did he came to the apartment before I left. I ended up not going because I was feeling a bit better, but he took my insurance card out with him because he wanted to go back to drinking and wanted to make sure that I HAD to contact him if I wanted to go to the hospital. 

After that, he told me that he would spend some time 'focusing on us' (that was last week), but this whole week he was working very late and couldn't even come home for dinner. Finally, on Friday he tells me he is going out with friends and I'm invited. When we got to the restaurant, a guy that had sexually assaulted me in college was sitting at the table with a group of my husband's friends. When I told my husband why I was uncomfortable, he gave me his keys so that I could drive home. He did not come back with me. Then, he promised he wouldn't drink and would be home early, but he still isn't home and I'm sure he's drinking. I won't be able to tell him any of how I'm feeling tonight (not that he doesn't know).

I don't feel like my husband has my back. I feel like he is trying to act like he will be there for me (and maybe wants to - hence taking the insurance card with him), but he still cares about his friends more than me. 

I feel so alone. I always change my plans for my husband, and I try to be there for him, but I don't feel like he is there for me at all. In fact, he makes me feel like I don't deserve for him to be there for me.

I want to leave him. I can't stand feeling this unimportant, but I don't have the financial ability to leave him. He makes tons of money as a lawyer, and I'm starting a small startup and do not have the money for an apartment. 

What should I do? Should I stick it out even though I feel like I'm totally worthless, or should I leave him and get a job (and give up on my 3-year dream that is just starting to work out?)


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## Smudgecat (Feb 22, 2013)

I am in a similar position only 26 years invested. It never got any better even with all the pleading and begging I did. I am still invisible.

I hope you can Get Through to your DH.

Sorry I can't offer any advise, but I am so close to walking out.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

If he's out socializing with a guy he knows sexually assaulted you then there is something wrong with him,not you.Imo you and he should be the #1 priority in each others lives and especially if its early in your marriage.He's not single anymore.More importantly you're not worthless and I would let him know how you've been feeling.


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## brightlight (Feb 18, 2013)

kristen0203 said:


> Ever since we got back from our honeymoon, my husband has consistently chosen his friends over me. Numerous times he has decided it was important to see a friend, changed my birthday celebrations so that he could go to a bachelor party, etc. The worst of it was when he was out with his friends one night, and I had to go to the hospital (for a pre-existing condition). I couldn't get a hold of him, and when I finally did he came to the apartment before I left. I ended up not going because I was feeling a bit better, but he took my insurance card out with him because he wanted to go back to drinking and wanted to make sure that I HAD to contact him if I wanted to go to the hospital.
> 
> After that, he told me that he would spend some time 'focusing on us' (that was last week), but this whole week he was working very late and couldn't even come home for dinner. Finally, on Friday he tells me he is going out with friends and I'm invited. When we got to the restaurant, a guy that had sexually assaulted me in college was sitting at the table with a group of my husband's friends. *When I told my husband why I was uncomfortable, he gave me his keys so that I could drive home. He did not come back with me.* Then, he promised he wouldn't drink and would be home early, but he still isn't home and I'm sure he's drinking. I won't be able to tell him any of how I'm feeling tonight (not that he doesn't know).
> 
> ...


Sorry, but your husband sounds like a douche bag for doing that. 

How old are you both? I am guessing you are youngish. 

If you really love him then try to work it out. But have heart, life is long and you can find someone who truly values you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He took your health insurance card so that you could not go to the hospital w/out him? Really? Do you have your card back? Get the card and make copies of it. The hospital will take a copy.

He spends no time with you, tries to deny you health care, and parties with someone who sexually assaulted you. Why are you still there?

Do you have friends or family who you can go stay with?

Do you have access to a joint account, or does he control all the money as well?


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