# Motivation



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Argh... inspirations come to me like flashes ever since I decided to take a back step at work and concentrate on an entirely new field.

Ideas, so many ideas that I am confident would work and I could learn to do... opportunities just dazzling in my eyes. When I was married, I lunged at opportunities like a starved wolf, now post-divorce, post-alcoholism, post-self-awareness... I found happiness, inspiration, yet lacking in something that I had never expected I would have trouble finding.

*Motivation.*

I remain responsible to my family and to my work. But my dream project, or 'life's work' so to speak. The motivation is gone. I realised this after I broke up with my GF not too long ago, but I thought it was a passing thing and I was processing what needed to be processed. But...

How am I not motivated? I look at the task I set out for myself, and yes, it's no trivial task. Perhaps I'm biting more than I can chew? Yet that never fazed me in the past. Why now? It makes me wonder if ex-wife, daughter and circumstances early in our marriage was simply imperative to my success.

But now... with no longer any interest in relationships, finances stable, family being taken care of. I simply lack the urgency. 

How does one find motivation? How do you find it?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In many ways I would have envied you the chance not to have to do those things when I was left with 3 children to care for alone. I longed for someone to come and help and take over the finances and responsibilities that I had day to day, while trying to deal with a life that had fallen apart and three very hurting children. Those 6 years were awful, how I coped I will never know except that my faith helped, and I would have given anything to have had a few weeks or even days break from it all.

So how about you enjoy the fact that you don't have the pressures and responsibilities that so many have. Be grateful for the time and space that you have, and don't be hard on yourself. I am sure that the motivation will return in time if that is what you want.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It's been six months, that's too long.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Really? Is that all I can do? Just wait for motivation?

You know it reminds me of this story people tell me about a man who achieved everything he wanted, and once he did, he killed himself. I don't want to be that man! Thankfully I have my daughter as a safety net to maintain a purpose in life.

But I don't want her to be the only fallback, the only reason to keep going. I still have many aspirations, I just lack the motivation nowadays to work hard to achieve it. I want/need the motivation 

If not, I may waste the remainder of my life spoiling myself and probably grow so soft and useless I will lose everything I have accomplished. Not to mention I've already made the huge risk of trying to whammy into a new field. I'm getting too comfortable... and lazy.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I never said to be lazy, but 6 months is nothing. It takes far longer than that recover after a marriage break up. 2-3 years is more likely.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> ...If not, I may waste the remainder of my life spoiling myself and probably grow so soft and useless I will lose everything I have accomplished.


And why do you want that not to happen?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I divorced years ago, but broke up with my ex-GF 6 months ago. I am not sad about it, I am glad, and the experience allowed me to become more self-aware.

My issue I do not believe is affected by divorce, not directly. The issue is without urgency, the NEED to do things, I can't really seem to find the motivation to do it. To find the reasons it's easy, to find the inspiration it's easy... but to motivate myself to not just want to do it, but to actually DO it.

How does one find that self-motivation?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Laurentium said:


> And why do you want that not to happen?


Because I like my current lifestyle.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Finding self motivation usually involves knowing that the pathway you are heading in life is the one you want to be on. For me, I'm trying to live my life as role model to my kids and show them how a strong/confident man goes through life with meaning and purpose. I do that by being professionally successful, physically fit, maintain good relationships with my friends/family, and being actively involved in my community. So, if I feel like I'm lacking motivation I just go back to thinking about my purpose and then realign my actions towards it. If there are things that I'm not motivated to do it is usually because they are distractors and not something that truly defines how I want to live my life. 

RD, what is it that you envision for your life? What really defines you and what do you see yourself having accomplished in 40 more years. Try to use that to steer yourself in the direction you want to go and motivation will naturally develop.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Because I like my current lifestyle.


Huh- who knew?

I'm thinking co- morbid on a spectrum within the confines of that "red line " 

That silly little insurance deal.

Oh!

Charlie Manson was teetering on that spectrum train called Redline to Hell.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

All you need to get motivated is to be honest with yourself and acknowledge what motivates you. Then use that as leverage against yourself. 

What are you trying to find motivation for? 

Try giving someone something that you will really want back, with the agreement that they are to give it away or destroy it if you dont accomplish XYZ by whatever date you decide on. 

Basically, the only way to get it back would be to accomplish your goals.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bananapeel said:


> Finding self motivation usually involves knowing that the pathway you are heading in life is the one you want to be on. For me, I'm trying to live my life as role model to my kids and show them how a strong/confident man goes through life with meaning and purpose. I do that by being professionally successful, physically fit, maintain good relationships with my friends/family, and being actively involved in my community. So, if I feel like I'm lacking motivation I just go back to thinking about my purpose and then realign my actions towards it. If there are things that I'm not motivated to do it is usually because they are distractors and not something that truly defines how I want to live my life.
> 
> RD, what is it that you envision for your life? What really defines you and what do you see yourself having accomplished in 40 more years. Try to use that to steer yourself in the direction you want to go and motivation will naturally develop.


I've been in business for a long time and only recently taken a back step to try another field, to develop an industry that is very weak here in my country. I also enjoy the challenge as it develops one aspect of my brain that I have not developed as well as other aspects; creativity and art. At first I enrolled in university, but found that not only did they fail to provide me with the tuition I was expecting, but my other responsibilities made it difficult to fully commit. So I decided to study online. But without deadlines... it seems it requires more self-motivation than I actually have within me.



As'laDain said:


> All you need to get motivated is to be honest with yourself and acknowledge what motivates you. Then use that as leverage against yourself.
> 
> What are you trying to find motivation for?
> 
> ...


Argh... that works, but I hate being dependent on people. Besides it's crossing the line between self-motivation and motivation. I want to have the former.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> I've been in business for a long time and only recently taken a back step to try another field, to develop an industry that is very weak here in my country. I also enjoy the challenge as it develops one aspect of my brain that I have not developed as well as other aspects; creativity and art. At first I enrolled in university, but found that not only did they fail to provide me with the tuition I was expecting, but my other responsibilities made it difficult to fully commit. So I decided to study online. But without deadlines... it seems it requires more self-motivation than I actually have within me.
> 
> 
> 
> Argh... that works, but I hate being dependent on people. Besides it's crossing the line between self-motivation and motivation. I want to have the former.


So, there is a term we throw around in the army, when we dont feel like doing PT or finishing a ruck or some such thing, but we want to accomplish it because we need to...

False motivation. 


There really is no such thing. Are you motivated enough to do what works or aren't you? 

It really is that simple.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

As'laDain said:


> So, there is a term we throw around in the army, when we dont feel like doing PT or finishing a ruck or some such thing, but we want to accomplish it because we need to...
> 
> False motivation.
> 
> ...


Well, marriage and parenthood motivated me to succeed financially, I needed to accomplish it, is that considered false motivation too? Even so, it was useful.

I am now financially free, comfortable, but still lack the appropriate finances to become a producer and do NOT wish to involve investors and shareholders in my new undertaking. I want to do it the hard way, I did the easy way before in my business and now I regret it. So that takes work, and motivation - and in my case, self-motivation. Yet, it seems my financially free lifestyle and sloth has become a hindrance.

Guess the answer to your question... perhaps I'm not motivated enough. I want that to change.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Self motivation might be better termed self manipulation. 

How can you manipulate yourself to become less complacent with your current situation? 

Either you can change your current situation, or you can change the way you think about it. I find that the two usually happen Simultaneously, however. When you change one, the other changes with it.

If your actions are driven your emotions, then i say good luck to you. Your emotions are just reactions to your situation and your way of thinking. If you want to reproduce the emotions that spur you into action, then put yourself into situations that trigger your emotions to drive you.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

As'laDain said:


> Self motivation might be better termed self manipulation.
> 
> How can you manipulate yourself to become less complacent with your current situation?
> 
> ...


You are correct, and I have considered those options. However I'm hoping for a better alternative than committing financial suicide - risking my daughter's future - simply to motivate myself to work on my personal project.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My journey is getting frustrating, had a conversation with a very talented artist, asked her what keeps her motivated. Her first answers did not suffice, passion, inspiration. I dug deeper. Support. When someone looks at her work and tells her she has to finish it, to feel appreciated, congratulated... motivated.

Recall... my own recent creative work, hell what a piece of sh-t. Yet people liked it, even if they didn't I suspect, pushed me to finish it, and I did. Recall... pressure, deadlines, expectation, disappointment... Motivation.

Conclusion: Can't have the good without the bad?

Expectations, I share my work with no one. Not even my daughter. Not yet, only once it's of some redeemable quality. Hmmm...

*continues to contemplate*


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

You are falling into one of the worst traps for the sociopath.

Boredome. Be wary of it. While you can drive through fires that others cannot, you will nuke your life when you get bored.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Boredom is the devil's workshop. Biblical, but I like it. A quote I heard once, and adopted it straight away.

Not to worry, I'm not one to sit on my hands, usually. All I need now, is motivation.

Yet it would seem that urgency, perhaps in the form of deadlines and expectations, is the only cure for my astonishing lack of self-discipline at present. Bah!

I lack the knowledge and ability, I have to study, I need motivation to study. What is motivation? "someone looks at her work and tells her she has to finish it, to feel appreciated, congratulated... motivated." Support? People?

EDIT: Thought of depending on people to motivate me disgusts me. With ex-wife and daughter it was more responsibility than motivation, as I wanted to be responsible. It was a choice. This... I can't do.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bah! My mind is racing in every direction looking for answers to a question that seems only to elevate a human condition: That self-motivation is slowly becoming more like a myth.

Please tell me I am mistaken.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Bah! My mind is racing in every direction looking for answers to a question that seems only to elevate a human condition: That self-motivation is slowly becoming more like a myth.
> 
> Please tell me I am mistaken.


Its a simple decision. You are looking for a way to change how you feel before changing what you do. It wont work. 

Dont feel motivated? Do it anyway. Self motivation is simply the art of changing your situation and your way of thinking in order to accomplish your goals. Some people do it by adding things to their activities that helps them feel motivated, such as music, smiling for no reason, etc. Some people do it by putting themselves in places where they feel pressured, and some just do it because they said they would, despite not really feeling like doing it at all.

Anything you can do that causes you to get stuff done IS self motivation.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I tried forcing it, self-discipline, mind drifted off. I sat for hours and produced nothing. Creative work... not my strength, that's why I want to do it.

*sigh*

Correct... it is a decision, not a mystery. I know the solution. I refuse it. Pressure and expectations. I want another one... hmmm...

*sigh*

There are none.

Fine, but I'll think I'll slack off a little while longer. It's because I can.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Nothing wrong with that. 

As for creative work... you probably have moments where you seem so manic that you can create entire new systems in your head, so effortlessly that it seems almost to be against your free will to do, or not do so. 

Inspiration in lightning flashes, so to speak. 

Am i wrong? If not, you might like to know that it is possible to trigger those moments. Just recreate the emotional state you are normally in when it happens.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, once the inspiration hits, sometimes it's like throwing all these ideas in the air, and sometimes I spend hours putting it all together into one solid piece until I pass out. If I take a break from it or interrupted, or pass out I lose it, all the inspiration falls down, and have to spend time throwing it all up again.

But lately I noticed many days in a row, the inspiration, but mostly motivation, is weak, and I just go "meh, fk it, I'll do it later", because I can.

Before I decided to go the online route, a fellow student said he didn't expect to learn from the university, but he went because of the discipline and deadlines the projects enforced. He said he has none.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

RandomDude said:


> Because I like my current lifestyle.


This is why 

I'll spare you all the details of my life story (it's boring, anyway), but I used to be highly motivated.

A number of events occurred in a 10 year span that, I would say, put life in perspective for me. Started with my father's passing, ended with my divorce. A number of less-significant things in between.

I wouldn't say, at all, that I became jaded. The opposite, in fact. It occurred to me that the things I was chasing, and motivated about and for (ie. career, money, etc.) were largely unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

And TBH, it dawned on me at some point that a portion of my motivation was due to me wanting to be successful to show other people I could be. I'm not saying that is/was the source of your motivation, but it's fairly common.

I don't want to speculate too much here, but I would say that if you like your current lifestyle, then it's not the lack of motivation that irks you. Rather, it's the feeling that you've "given up" that does.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

alexm said:


> This is why
> 
> I'll spare you all the details of my life story (it's boring, anyway), but I used to be highly motivated.
> 
> ...


Hmmm... perhaps, unsure.

Ex-wife insulting me by insisting that we accept her parent's money for our first home motivated me to prove both of them wrong. Besides, I wanted my revenge on her. I wanted to break her, for her at my feet. Revenge, oh how succulent it was, and all I had to do, was succeed. The promise... I told my daughter she will have a better life, a new life, a life free of divorce, abandonment. Promise broken. Divorce. I failed. But never will I abandon her. Motivation to succeed in marriage, gone.

Motivation to take a backseat at my business, all work with no pay off. Money means nothing to me, I persisted only because of the trust my employees placed on me for their jobs. I still persist...

Motivation to take up study... mostly boredom.

Perhaps my motivation is just... weak, and unlike other aspects of my brain, I am unable to switch it on or off.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Perhaps it isn't motivation but simply impatience.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ynot said:


> Perhaps it isn't motivation but simply impatience.


? Please explain


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

To answer your question - how do I find it?

Well, with getting paid, I'm largely purpose-driven and seeing a direct outcome/impact of my actions propels me. And then, the reality of meeting my personal responsibilities also motivates me to action. Again, there's a direct link between actions and purpose (the personal purpose includes paying bills/mortgage). Gratitude becomes part of that mix too. 

Sometimes with a creative hobby I can leave it to last minute. I have speculated reasons why I do this. However what I notice, every time, is that once I start I'm compelled to continue. There's a drive to continue.


Maybe take some quiet time to write down, be honest with yourself, what's holding you back and what's keeping you from being motivated with this particular thing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> Sometimes with a creative hobby I can leave it to last minute. I have speculated reasons why I do this. However what I notice, every time, is that once I start I'm compelled to continue. There's a drive to continue.
> 
> Maybe take some quiet time to write down, be honest with yourself, what's holding you back and what's keeping you from being motivated with this particular thing.


Right now I'm thinking I maybe distracted with alot of other thoughts in my head clogging up my cognitive processes. The last time I worked on my project I worked 16 hours until I passed out, couldn't stop, I had the inspiration and I didn't want to let it go! 

Now I sit and stare. :|


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

I'm with @alexm. I think motivation is overrated. 

Lots of things are motivating, passion, fear, desire, anger, need, hunger, love.

IMHO, you can't really conjure these things out of thin air, you need to actually feel them. And some of them, when you do feel them, are probably best not acted on. 

For me, creative output has always worked in fits and starts. 

Sometimes it's just really really important to sit and stare at the scenery.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

alexm said:


> This is why
> 
> I'll spare you all the details of my life story (it's boring, anyway), but I used to be highly motivated.
> 
> ...


This.

RD, have you ever taken a look at the inside voice that is speaking to you when you consider what you "should" be doing?

Does it actually belong to you, or another?

If it is another, who is it?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I would also like to add this.

Motivation is not nearly as important as discipline. Discipline is doing what needs to be done even when it is the last thing we want to do.

What I have found is that discipline carries me through the times that I have no interest in doing a task.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Nope, it's all me, I want to learn new skills that I didn't learn in the past. It's what I feel I should be doing, but I'm not, because I'm lazy I think, or distracted, or something.
Besides, it's for my future too, I still have responsibilities in a business that I no longer have any interest in, I want to start anew in a new field and be strictly sole trading.

If it was another person's voice, I doubt I would have this issue considering I would be driven by expectations and having a reputation to keep.

Sadly, I know what I have to do, I just can't be fked. Wondering about organising some deadlines, or something. Meh I dunno.

Right now still sitting. And still staring.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Nope, it's all me, I want to learn new skills that I didn't learn in the past. It's what I feel I should be doing, but I'm not, because I'm lazy I think, or distracted, or something.
> Besides, it's for my future too, I still have responsibilities in a business that I no longer have any interest in, I want to start anew in a new field and be strictly sole trading.


IMO, while you think about the next chapter in your life, be sure that your scope has a very wide view and includes ideas that are outside of your comfort zone. One mistake that people make when they are in your current situation is that they limit their choices to things that they are already familiar with. Look for life-changing stories that others have experienced to get your imagination into high gear.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Steve1000 said:


> IMO, while you think about the next chapter in your life, be sure that your scope has a very wide view and includes ideas that are outside of your comfort zone. One mistake that people make when they are in your current situation is that they limit their choices to things that they are already familiar with. Look for life-changing stories that others have experienced to get your imagination into high gear.


Well, starting on an alien field is outside my comfort zone. Maybe I'll find the motivation on new years. See what happens. Can't believe it, this year just sped through for me.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

there are IC's who specialize in this kind of stuff (some are called career coaches). that would be an option. Another would be to find a mentor. When I have had good mentors in the past, they really helped me overcome obstacles by providing differing perspectives and being able to be objective.

Good luck RD.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> Nope, it's all me, I want to learn new skills that I didn't learn in the past. It's what I feel I should be doing, but I'm not, because I'm lazy I think, or distracted, or something.
> Besides, it's for my future too, I still have responsibilities in a business that I no longer have any interest in, I want to start anew in a new field and be strictly sole trading.
> 
> If it was another person's voice, I doubt I would have this issue considering I would be driven by expectations and having a reputation to keep.
> ...


Your choice is between doing something you *should* be doing and something you no longer have any interest in? No wonder you're sitting and staring. Time for something new!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

wild jade said:


> Your choice is between doing something you *should* be doing and something you no longer have any interest in? No wonder you're sitting and staring. Time for something new!


:|

I don't get it.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Unless you are doing it out of pure duty, "should" is not a very great motivator.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

wild jade said:


> Unless you are doing it out of pure duty, "should" is not a very great motivator.


What is the solution? Finding something new? I have barely even started with this new thing, don't want to give up on it, nothing else really interests me really.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Lots of potential solutions:

If you find the new thing really interesting, then maybe it's just a matter of patience. Success doesn't happen overnight, and creativity often need percolation time.

Or it may be a matter of trust. It's easy to let your ego get all wrapped up in it, with fear of failure or fear of criticism or fear of not measuring up stand in your way. 

Or maybe you picked the field just because it's "cool" and you're discovering your heart isn't in it? In which case, it probably is time for something new. 

Those are just some ideas. Lots more possibilities.


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