# Ladies, how often do you buy lingerie???



## Marriedand40

Hi Ladies!

I am just wondering, how often do you buy and/or wear lingerie?

I am one of those guys that isn't afraid of talking to women about what I like and I am not embarrassed of shopping at women's stores for her.

I mentioned this to my wife that my thing is I love seeing her in cute bras and cute underwear all the time. 90% of the time though she is always wearing the same 2 bras, white and beige. This is so old ladyish if you ask me.

Over the years I have bought her pink, leopard print, purple, black lace, and orange bras. ; etc you name it on Valentine's Day, Birthdays, Christmas etc. These are at the bottom of the drawer and hardly ever worn.

I had an ex girlfriend who's favourite store was Lasenza and she owned over 50 bras with at least 150+ pairs of sexy panties. I realise to some people that is excessive but to me it was a huge turn on, when we fooled around it was always so exciting to see what she was wearing underneath, it was always something different.

I mentioned this to my wife that I like a variety and even during an argument I told her about an ex years ago who liked to dress sexy (not all details but some) and had a huge lingerie collection.

What compels women to wear the old fashioned bras and plain undies? Most women say that wearing nice underwear and cute bras make them feel confident and sexy even though nobody sees it at work, etc.

Look at the teens and girls in their 20's, you always see them wearing tank tops with a cute bra underneath, they wouldn't be caught dead wearing white and beige bras.

Do women think there is an age limit or something when it comes to wearing nice bras and panties??? To me a women in their 40's and 50's wearing nice lingerie is a huge turn on to me.

Let me know ladies.

Thanks.


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## Cosmos

I own around 30 pairs of panties and about 10 bras. I buy new ones as soon as the old ones start looking tired.


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## Starstarfish

So at some point, you rubbed your sexy ex in your wife's face and are now curious why she isn't interested in your request about lingerie? And whenever you give her a gift it's self-serving that it's something she obviously doesn't want, but you buy hoping she'll use it - for you? That's not really a gift.

I mean, I always feel compelled to ask when people make statements like that ... if your ex was so great, why is she your ex? Also, what did your ex do for a living? Nice bras are like $50 each, so - she had a $2500 wardrobe of bras alone? Did she work at the store and get a discount? 

Teens and girls in their 20s don't have concerns about things like professional appearance. And I'm sorry, but wearing a skinny tank top so everyone can see your leopard print bra underneath isn't professional dress. Further, you can't wear a purple or an orange bra under a thinner or light colored shirt without anyone seeing it, which again, is not professional dress. And if you are a woman in a mostly male-oriented profession, you have to try even harder to be taken seriously, which includes not giving people hints of your underwear, lest they take that as some invitation. 

So no, it isn't that there's an age limit on sexy bras, but when you reach a certain age there are concerns above and beyond what is sexy. For example, I teach. I'm not wearing anything under my work attire that's going to possibly lead to any awkward conversations with students. "Hey, Mrs. X, nice bra." No thanks.

And there's a difference between "old fashioned bras and panties" and rainbow vomit storm.


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## Anon Pink

I LOVE bra/panty sets and miss wearing them! I can't wear bras anymore so the sets are a rare purchase. But when I buy them for my daughters I always get the bra and 2 panties not just one panty. I wear sexy nighties every night and always have, it is the way I was raised. I never knew other girls/women didn't until college when my nighties were made fun of. Wearing an over sized tee to bed means don't touch me tonight.

Maybe she needs to slowly grow comfortable with lingerie and bra/panty sets. They sell bridal wear, usually white but sometimes light pink. Buy her some bra/panty sets from bridal wear so she grows comfortable in sexy sets that are white or neutral. Then slowly move into bra/panty sets that have more color. I think going from granny panty sets to leopard might be too much of a jump.

In terms of lingerie, you can slowly get her into more sexy stuff by buying pengior sets. Filmy night grown with matching robe. You have to understand that her practical side prohibits her from buying something, like nightgowns, that she can't comfortably wear around the kids. Slip type nightgown in filmy fabric that are not overtly "come hither" in style and cut may make the transition easier.

My husband never buys my that stuff but at least I don't get in trouble for spending when I buy it myself.


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## Starstarfish

> Maybe she needs to slowly grow comfortable with lingerie and bra/panty sets.


Which probably isn't going to happen if he keeps bring up his sexy ex as the measuring stick of sexiness. 

And your wife needs more confidence, which is why no doubt she's asking you about being a "Yummy Mommy." Which you don't feel she deserves because of the hot women who work hard at the gym. 

In short, there seems to be a continual thing about comparing your wife to other women, letting her know that you are comparing her to other women, and then are confused about why she has no confidence in order to act or feel sexy.


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## Anon Pink

Starstarfish said:


> So at some point, you rubbed your sexy ex in your wife's face and are now curious why she isn't interested in your request about lingerie? And whenever you give her a gift it's self-serving that it's something she obviously doesn't want, but you buy hoping she'll use it - for you? That's not really a gift.
> 
> I mean, I always feel compelled to ask when people make statements like that ... if your ex was so great, why is she your ex? Also, what did your ex do for a living? Nice bras are like $50 each, so - she had a $2500 wardrobe of bras alone? Did she work at the store and get a discount?
> 
> Teens and girls in their 20s don't have concerns about things like professional appearance. And I'm sorry, but wearing a skinny tank top so everyone can see your leopard print bra underneath isn't professional dress. Further, you can't wear a purple or an orange bra under a thinner or light colored shirt without anyone seeing it, which again, is not professional dress. And if you are a woman in a mostly male-oriented profession, you have to try even harder to be taken seriously, which includes not giving people hints of your underwear, lest they take that as some invitation.
> 
> So no, it isn't that there's an age limit on sexy bras, but when you reach a certain age there are concerns above and beyond what is sexy. For example, I teach. I'm not wearing anything under my work attire that's going to possibly lead to any awkward conversations with students. "Hey, Mrs. X, nice bra." No thanks.
> 
> And there's a difference between "old fashioned bras and panties" and rainbow vomit storm.



Excellent points! 

But....

I am 50 and I don't give a damn about dressing conservative so I'll be taken seriously. Frankly, being overtly feminine AND having something worthwhile and important to say are never mutually exclusive! Men don't hide their masculinity in the work place so women shouldn't hide their femininity or be apologetic for not appearing gender neutral.

If a man can't handle a hint of cleavage while working with me, that's his problem, not mine. Women have boobs, no need to pretend otherwise.

Teaching or being around children is a whole different challenge. If a wise ass student makes an inappropriate comment, said student needs to be taught the consequences.


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## LivingAgain

I owned a few sexy bras and lingerie in the course of my marriage, but only wore them on special occasions, mainly because I find all of the frilly, sexy stuff UNCOMFORTABLE!

I am not built for cleavage revealing bras and tops...I have found some "everyday" undergarments that are pretty...good enough for me. Plus no one sees my skivvies these days!!


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## Mavash.

I don't wear sexy lingerie 24/7 because its expensive.

A good bra runs $50+ so I only have a few and yes they are neutrals.

Had a friend who always wore matching sets of bras and panties.

She also had a ton of credit card debt too.

Being in debt isn't sexy.

And yes the frilly stuff is highly uncomfortable.


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## Starstarfish

> If a wise ass student makes an inappropriate comment, said student needs to be taught the consequences.


Yeah, to be fair though, that's not really how it works. You'll get a talking to from administration before the student will get punished, for one of any of a thousand excuses why. I'm not going to threadjack and moan on that, but - sometimes you just have to know the limits at your place of employment, and that that's a YMMV kind of thing. 

(My mom works in a completely different thing and deals with the same BS, so maybe its a my boss sucks kind of thing.)


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## Marriedand40

Anon Pink:

Excellent points! 

But....

I am 50 and I don't give a damn about dressing conservative so I'll be taken seriously. Frankly, being overtly feminine AND having something worthwhile and important to say are never mutually exclusive! Men don't hide their masculinity in the work place so women shouldn't hide their femininity or be apologetic for not appearing gender neutral.

If a man can't handle a hint of cleavage while working with me, that's his problem, not mine. Women have boobs, no need to pretend otherwise.


That is an awesome answer. That is the type of confidence that is a huge turn on. 50 years old, is confident, wears nice bras with a bit of cleavage. I am sure your husband doesn't complain.

First off I know what bras cost since I've bought alot of them over the years for her and they end up at the bottom of the drawer. How would women like it if they bought nice dress shirts for their man and he keeps wearing plain white T-shirts?

With all the commericials and advertisments for pretty bras, I just don't understand why a woman would want to wear something so old fashioned when she sees other women wear sexy bras and panties and when they know that's what their man likes.

To me, it's a small request. Has any of you girls received bras and panties from your man??? Probably not alot of them. Her friends have even told me, "I wish my husband would buy me bras"


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## RedRose14

I buy lingerie quite frequently, I don't like to wear lingerie that's looking "tired". I have a mixture of everyday bras and pants and more enticing garments, basques, cami knickers, and a couple of crotchless panties which I surprise Hubby with very occasionally.

I am 45 and I probably own more pretty lingerie now than ever. It makes me feel good. I especially like cleavage enhancing bras because I've not got much in that department and I need all the help I can get

I don't spend excessive amounts on lingerie, I get a lot of bargains at TK Maxx which is my usual place for getting lingerie, and I get some online in the sales


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## alte Dame

First of all, I think it's a bad idea to be telling your W about how sexy you think one of your exes is. How would you feel if she went on about the sexy underwear of her ex?

Second, most women, of any age, buy white, beige, and black bras and panties because the colors are so practical - just the way men buy a practical range of colors for themselves.

Third, if your W prefers the white and beige, there are plenty of very sexy things in those colors that you could buy her & she just might wear. Victoria's Secret has lots of such offerings.


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## Giro flee

Why don't all women like lingerie? Because people are different. I don't buy lingerie because:

It's expensive
I'm not a girly girl
It's uncomfortable
Not always practical

I have worn a few outfits throughout the years but they feel like costumes to me. My husband prefers naked so this isn't an issue for us. He likes to reach over and feel skin, not lace.


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## tracyishere

Lingerie is a treat in my opinion. I only wear one if I'm setting the mood for something special.

I'll wear fancy undies and bra's often though despite the discomfort, because it drives me crazy to think about how excited my H will be when I'm getting ready for bed and "oh" what's that? 

I love that look!!


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## Shiksa

Just because the bra is her size doesn't mean it fits or comfortable. After I go shopping for bras, I need a drink, its that difficult to find one that fits and is comfortable. Maybe take her with you to shop and have her pick it out. The thought of my H picking out my undies, NOT. Its a personal thing and I know what works with my body. I LOVE lingerie and wear sexy but ok to be around the kids nightgowns every night.


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## EntirelyDifferent

Marriedand40 said:


> Hi Ladies!
> 
> I am just wondering, how often do you buy and/or wear lingerie?
> 
> I am one of those guys that isn't afraid of talking to women about what I like and I am not embarrassed of shopping at women's stores for her.
> 
> I mentioned this to my wife that my thing is I love seeing her in cute bras and cute underwear all the time. 90% of the time though she is always wearing the same 2 bras, white and beige. This is so old ladyish if you ask me.
> 
> Over the years I have bought her pink, leopard print, purple, black lace, and orange bras. ; etc you name it on Valentine's Day, Birthdays, Christmas etc. These are at the bottom of the drawer and hardly ever worn.
> 
> I had an ex girlfriend who's favourite store was Lasenza and she owned over 50 bras with at least 150+ pairs of sexy panties. I realise to some people that is excessive but to me it was a huge turn on, when we fooled around it was always so exciting to see what she was wearing underneath, it was always something different.
> 
> I mentioned this to my wife that I like a variety and even during an argument I told her about an ex years ago who liked to dress sexy (not all details but some) and had a huge lingerie collection.
> 
> What compels women to wear the old fashioned bras and plain undies? Most women say that wearing nice underwear and cute bras make them feel confident and sexy even though nobody sees it at work, etc.
> 
> Look at the teens and girls in their 20's, you always see them wearing tank tops with a cute bra underneath, they wouldn't be caught dead wearing white and beige bras.
> 
> Do women think there is an age limit or something when it comes to wearing nice bras and panties??? To me a women in their 40's and 50's wearing nice lingerie is a huge turn on to me.
> 
> Let me know ladies.
> 
> Thanks.


I bought some 'sexy' bras from Victoria's secret for the first time during their yearly sale this year... I'm in my 20s.
I've never done the whole 'skimpy tank over a bra' thing... I've always felt it's UNDERwear for a reason (and yes, the bras I did buy were neutral, because they were still pricy and I wanted to make sure I could wear them under _all_ my shirts).

I wore the same 'non-sexy' bras for years prior to the great V.S. purchase of '13 for the simple reason they fit well and were very comfortable. I never saw them as 'old-ladyish', and my partner prefers no bra to anything else. :rofl:

When you purchase things for your wife, does she have any say in what you get, or do you just randomly pop up with 'sexy' underwear for her? Because bras can be tricky, and just because they're her size does NOT make them comfy.


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## Starstarfish

> To me, it's a small request.


Just curious, if she requested you wear a black silk banana-hammock man-thong all day, would you?


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## Red Sonja

I require bras and panties that are sexy, comfortable and fit perfectly (the secret to comfort). Chantelle and Aubade are brands that have both qualities. Yes they are expensive but to me they are worth every penny. I replace them every year because the elastic starts to weaken after about a year of regular washing.

OP, white, beige and black are essential colors in women’s undergarments. I have other colors but those three are must haves.

Oh, and stop comparing your wife to your ex's whether it's only in your thoughts or verbally. Would you want your wife to compare your "johnson" size to those of her ex's?


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## Devotee

First post here! I'm 43, married for 16 years. 

I'm one of those with several each of the boring beige, white and black not so sexy bras. For everyday I want the practical and the comfortable. My husband never complains. 

BUT, I also have a handful of sexy bras and panties that I will wear once in a great while just for fun. Maybe that's why he doesn't complain. 

My husband and I both like sexy lingerie. Im not talking just bras and panty sets. I will buy something new three or four times a year. 

I agree that you need to stop talking about what your ex wore. Can be intimidating.


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## SunnyT

My H appreciates sexy lingerie, but I don't want him buying me bras. I usually end up trying on about two dozen to find one that fits...then buy as many as I can afford in that style. Cuz it sucks to have to do it again anytime soon! 

And yes, it's practical (colors) and comfortable stuff that gets worn most of the time. The sexy stuff is good and fun, but not for every day wear. It pinches, or doesn't support, or looks unprofessional under your top, etc... 

BUT...there's a drawerful here for weekends and date nite! Plus, H does buy me other things like the corsets, stockings, g-strings etc... win-win. 

And really, WOULD you wear a "girdle" (to hold you in and push things around) or the banana thong thing..... more often if W asked you to? DO you wear sexy undies?


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## always_alone

Starstarfish said:


> So at some point, you rubbed your sexy ex in your wife's face and are now curious why she isn't interested in your request about lingerie? And whenever you give her a gift it's self-serving that it's something she obviously doesn't want, but you buy hoping she'll use it - for you? That's not really a gift.
> 
> I mean, I always feel compelled to ask when people make statements like that ... if your ex was so great, why is she your ex?


Exactly. Lingerie is mostly uncomfortable, expensive, and silly. Why on earth would I put it on just to compete with some sexy ex? Honestly, I'd have told my SO that if she's so great, he should go back to her.


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## Marriedand40

I ask my wife what she wants me to wear and she says boxers. And I ask her how groomed she wants me, in regards to body hair, I try to look like she wants me to.

I just think that if your husband wants you to wear nice bras and panties than you should wear that for him. Telling her about my ex-girlfriend with the large bra collection was just to get her to start adding to hers. If they have bra and underwear sales (like 5 panties for $20), then why not go there and add to your collection and spice things up??

I never had a lingerie fetish until I dated my ex. She lived with her parents so that is why she had such a large and beautiful collection of lingerie. We even went to Lasenza together and I bought bras and underwear for her. That was hot!

I asked my wife if she wanted to go to Victoria's Secret together but she kind of blew it off.

To me there is worse things to ask your wife to do.


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## greenpearl

I always like to please my husband, so I wear lingerie for him daily. They are not cheap, at least $100 for a set. We usually go lingerie shopping together. I go lingerie shopping twice or three times a year. After some years, my collection is not bad. 

I don't think it's a good idea for men to buy lingerie for women. Because if they don't fit, it's wasting money. 

I agree that your wife should dress up for you, but not many women have this kind of concept and I don't think they like it either. Some women don't mind it though.


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## SimplyAmorous

greenpearl said:


> I always like to please my husband, so I wear lingerie for him daily. *They are not cheap, at least $100 for a set.* We usually go lingerie shopping together. I go lingerie shopping twice or three times a year. After some years, my collection is not bad.


  Greenpearl, so this is where you Splurge a little !
Though I think that's a worthy cause! 



> I agree that your wife should dress up for you, but not many women have this kind of concept and I don't think they like it either. Some women don't mind it though.


 I enjoy it... it makes me feel sexier... In my younger years - taking his excitement fully for granted....living like a "Little house on the prairie" woman....where sex wasn't exploding on my mind...I would only get the lingerie out when I was feeling REALLY LUSTY...it was always a sign of ..."are you ready baby -cause here I come" ... 

These days ...it's more of "it makes me feel good" / younger...vivacious somehow...and this puts me in an erotic mindset for some Lovin'...and it's great having him take it off...

I went on a Lingerie kick for a time, buying all sorts of things off Ebay, feeling I missed this part of turning my husband on over the years.....he never bought me anything... saying I was always "with him" and it's all going to come off anyway...but Geeze, that might have been fun to open!!

Some things were hit or miss on Ebay.. but it was worth it... they didn't cost much & I grew a pretty nice collection.


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## greenpearl

SimplyAmorous said:


> *Greenpearl, so this is where you Splurge a little !
> Though I think that's a worthy cause!
> *
> 
> I enjoy it... it makes me feel sexier... In my younger years - taking his excitement fully for granted....living like a "Little house on the prairie" woman....where sex wasn't exploding on my mind...I would only get the lingerie out when I was feeling REALLY LUSTY...it was always a sign of ..."are you ready baby -cause here I come" ...
> 
> These days ...it's more of "it makes me feel good" / younger...vivacious somehow...and this puts me in an erotic mindset for some Lovin'...and it's great having him take it off...
> 
> I went on a Lingerie kick for a time, buying all sorts of things off Ebay, feeling I missed this part of turning my husband on over the years.....he never bought me anything... saying I was always "with him" and it's all going to come off anyway...but Geeze, that might have been fun to open!!
> 
> Some things were hit or miss on Ebay.. but it was worth it... they didn't cost much & I grew a pretty nice collection.


Yes,  My husband likes me to look sexy, so I dress up sexy for him. We put our money together, so it's also his money, he doesn't mind spending money on my clothes. I am all happy about it. He also likes me to wear Chinese traditional gowns. I don't know if you know them or not. Here is a website which sells these. It's a store I usually go. https://www.facebook.com/No.1wincolor They make women look very sexy. They are not cheap either, $150 or $200 each. I have quite a few of those. 

I totally agree with you. When we put on sexy lingerie, we look much younger!  It's a very good feeling, isn't it? You have a very young heart.


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## DesertRat1978

Few things are in life are more beautiful than an attractive woman in form fitting silky lingerie. To see the shapely, curvy, soft body of a woman with silky lingerie is just eye candy that never loses its appeal. I find it strange that more men do not have an affinity for it. It can help your women feel more confident and take their mind off body image issues. Increased confidence leads to them being happier which usually translates to more passion in the bedroom. Most men would not say no to that.


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## julianne

I love lingerie, love the way it makes me feel and how it looks. Buy it ummmm, all the time  Actually had to buy something to store it in because a drawer is much too small.


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## Marriedand40

Wow! See that everyone!

Greenpearl and Julianne love lingerie, that's awesome! To me it's a win, win. You look great, you feel great and your husband loves it.

How big is your collection by the way ladies, just curious?? Can you come close to my ex with the 50+ bras and 150-200 pairs of panties!!

I remember when I was 19 and 20, only 20 years ago, most women didn't have the nice selection offered nowadays, black was considered risque back then. It was always white and beige most of the time and women with large breasts hardly had places to buy nice supporting bras. I remember women walking around would be jiggling all over the place because of a lack of support offered.

It's definitely a good decade to be a woman! Not perfect but better than previous generatations. At least now a woman can dress sexy without being judged as sleazy!


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## greenpearl

Marriedand40 said:


> Wow! See that everyone!
> 
> Greenpearl and Julianne love lingerie, that's awesome! To me it's a win, win. You look great, you feel great and your husband loves it.
> 
> How big is your collection by the way ladies, just curious?? Can you come close to my ex with the 50+ bras and 150-200 pairs of panties!!
> 
> I remember when I was 19 and 20, only 20 years ago, most women didn't have the nice selection offered nowadays, black was considered risque back then. It was always white and beige most of the time and women with large breasts hardly had places to buy nice supporting bras. I remember women walking around would be jiggling all over the place because of a lack of support offered.
> 
> It's definitely a good decade to be a woman! Not perfect but better than previous generatations. At least now a woman can dress sexy without being judged as sleazy!


I don't have that many. I usually throw away the old ones because my closet is not very big. A sales girl told me that a bra lasts six months. I try to make it last longer. I have more than ten bras and each bra has two matching panties. My husband insists me wearing matching underwear. The bras I have support my breasts very well. I think my breasts are still very firm because of good bras.


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## Anon Pink

On the subject of dressing sexy for your husband...

It always bothered me that he put on a suit and tie and looked so dashing and sexy...then left the house! As soon as he came home, it all came off in exchange for sweats and a tee, NOT dashing NOT sexy. 

So I felt like why should I bother when he doesn't bother.

Now I do it for me and me alone. I feel good when I feel like I look good, that's reason enough for me.


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## anotherguy

Anon Pink said:


> On the subject of dressing sexy for your husband...
> 
> It always bothered me that he put on a suit and tie and looked so dashing and sexy...then left the house! As soon as he came home, it all came off in exchange for sweats and a tee, NOT dashing NOT sexy.
> 
> So I felt like why should I bother when he doesn't bother.
> 
> Now I do it for me and me alone. I feel good when I feel like I look good, that's reason enough for me.


Holy crap. I do exactly this. Well, not sweats but certianly something that does not involve a tie. Casual.

Thankfully, DW doesnt make me feel like im not trying. When we get home from work we are both getting into more comfortable clothes. There is a time and place for everything.


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## Marriedand40

Like I said on prior posts it's a huge turn on for me.

It shows a woman's confidence and shows that she wants to look good for her man.

With new colours and styles coming out monthly, I encourage all women to update their collection every few months.

It will make any red-blooded male melt!

Hot Pinks are definitely my favourite!

:smthumbup:


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## PolluxStar

A few things the OP has said have raised some red flags. He started out by saying he really likes lingerie and comparing his wife to his ex. Bad enough comparing but later he says:



> I never had a *lingerie fetish* until I dated my ex. She lived with her parents so that is why she had such a large and beautiful collection of lingerie. We even went to Lasenza together and I bought bras and underwear for her. That was hot!


(Emphasis mine)

There's something very different about liking lingerie and having a fetish for lingerie.

Later he goes on to ask us this:



> How big is your collection by the way ladies, just curious?? Can you come close to my ex with the 50+ bras and 150-200 pairs of panties!!
> 
> With new colours and styles coming out monthly, I encourage all women to update their collection every few months.
> 
> It will make any red-blooded male melt!


He's asking us to provide fodder for his fetish which goes into a bit of creeptastic territory because we're not discussing his liking for something, he wants us to now be participants in it for his enjoyment. Ew.

Also, he seems to harbor a belief that all heterosexual men feel the same way about lingerie as he does, and that all women should feel the way his ex did with her kind of ridiculous collection of underwear. 

He is asking how often we buy lingerie (actually the "old fashioned" or old lady stuff is also considered lingerie, not just the "sexy" stuff.) 

First lesson: just because you have a fetish does not mean someone else has to fulfill your fetish, not even your spouse. You should have been clear that this was a huge part of your sexuality before you got married if it's so important that you're coming to a message board and asking women you don't know about what their underwear habits are. If you don't feel fulfilled in your marriage, be up front with your wife and stop harassing her to feel like she has to perform to satisfy your fetish. It's not fair to her at all.

Not every woman wants to wear frilly sexy stuff. It's very very uncomfortable for many women, it's expensive (we're putting food on the table and a roof over our children's heads here), and it is impractical. If someone wants to buy it and can afford it then great for her, but it's not an everyday common thing which you seem to think it is. I get the idea that because of ads you see on TV or movies and media you seem to think that 

1) Most women are walking around in sexy underwear

and

2) If they don't, they SHOULD (because you want them to and they're then obligated to oblige you despite how they feel about it.)

I see a serious lack of respect for your wife, for women in general, and women here. Maybe no one else does, but that's how I see the OP's post.

I will wear whatever underwear I want and I feel no need to tell you anything about it because it's not your business.


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## PolluxStar

A few things the OP has said have raised some red flags. He started out by saying he really likes lingerie and comparing his wife to his ex. Bad enough comparing but later he says:



> I never had a *lingerie fetish* until I dated my ex. She lived with her parents so that is why she had such a large and beautiful collection of lingerie. We even went to Lasenza together and I bought bras and underwear for her. That was hot!


(Emphasis mine)

There's something very different about liking lingerie and having a fetish for lingerie.

Later he goes on to ask us this:



> How big is your collection by the way ladies, just curious?? Can you come close to my ex with the 50+ bras and 150-200 pairs of panties!!
> 
> With new colours and styles coming out monthly, I encourage all women to update their collection every few months.
> 
> It will make any red-blooded male melt!


He's asking us to provide fodder for his fetish which goes into a bit of creeptastic territory because we're not discussing his liking for something, he wants us to now be participants in it for his enjoyment. Ew.

Also, he seems to harbor a belief that all heterosexual men feel the same way about lingerie as he does, and that all women should feel the way his ex did with her kind of ridiculous collection of underwear. 

He is asking how often we buy lingerie (actually the "old fashioned" or old lady stuff is also considered lingerie, not just the "sexy" stuff.) 

First lesson: just because you have a fetish does not mean someone else has to fulfill your fetish, not even your spouse. You should have been clear that this was a huge part of your sexuality before you got married if it's so important that you're coming to a message board and asking women you don't know about what their underwear habits are. If you don't feel fulfilled in your marriage, be up front with your wife and stop harassing her to feel like she has to perform to satisfy your fetish. It's not fair to her at all.

Not every woman wants to wear frilly sexy stuff. It's very very uncomfortable for many women, it's expensive (we're putting food on the table and a roof over our children's heads here), and it is impractical. If someone wants to buy it and can afford it then great for her, but it's not an everyday common thing which you seem to think it is. I get the idea that because of ads you see on TV or movies and media you seem to think that 

1) Most women are walking around in sexy underwear

and

2) If they don't, they SHOULD (because you want them to and they're then obligated to oblige you despite how they feel about it.)

I see a serious lack of respect for your wife, for women in general, and women here. Maybe no one else does, but that's how I see the OP's post.

I will wear whatever underwear I want and I feel no need to tell you anything about it because it's not your business.

Best advice is get a divorce and open a Victoria's Secret franchise. That way you can be near your beloved lingerie all day and get to see all the new "monthly" goods.


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## arbitrator

*Anon: I always thought that "oversized tees" of a good quality, and not of a worn-out, frumpy nature, were a definite signal for whoopie, more especially in my more innocent and formative years! 

Let me count the ways: They are sexy, very easy to raise up for accessibility purposes and are rather easy to remove entirely if the overriding mutual choice for finishing up is "skin on skin!"

Sorry, but IMHO, there is absolutely nothing sexier than a hot, bothered woman donning only an oversized tee! Just saying!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman

Every man is different - I had a boyfriend recently who WANTED me to wear his Ts to bed even though I had prettier things. As long as it's in good condition with a cute pair of undies underneath just swishing below the butt giving a peek I can see how that can be sexy. One that hangs like a sack with holes and stains (even if washed), however is NOT.

But, OP -

It's too late. You killed it by comparing her to an ex. Cardinal relationship sin from which there is no return. She has been made to feel inadequate and less than sexy, as if you need to decorate her to find her sexy. You are going to have to turn this ship around VERY slowly if ever.

To answer your question, I buy as needed. When they start looking sad, worn, discolored, etc. I personally DO like to match but that doesn't mean fancy always. I buy for my body - certain cuts look nicer both under clothing and without clothing. I don't wear pushups and don't like padding except a good smooth lined T-shirt bra for under more snug knits. And yes I own more neutral colors because I WEAR more light colors and don't want my underwear to take center stage. 

So while I do wear pretty things that match, they are somewhere between racy and granny.

How is your sex life otherwise? Maybe she doesn't want to tempt you any more than you already are. Maybe she fears you'll want sex more if she wears sexy things. Maybe she is insecure and doesn't feel she can 'rock' that look. You have more homework to do on her psyche than her body.

Give it a rest. MAYBE if you have a weekend getaway you can buy something pretty but I'd start out VERY slowly after some of the sting from your comments wears off. Start with something simple like a silky slip nightgown with a soft lace (not scratchy - feel it) trim in a blush pink or soft beige color that won't be in stark contrast to her usual stuff. Look for comfy and cute - i.e. beige cotton bikinis or maybe beige or white boy shorts with a bright colored trim. Things that are similar to what she currently wears but just a tiny bit sexier. You can't go from white briefs to hot pink thong - go from white briefs to white boy shorts or cheekies with a pink bow. 

Bras are very difficult to buy without trying them on. They all fit differently and can look great on the rack and awful on, or fit fine but FEEL awful - tight or scratching or cut in somewhere. So don't assume because she wears a M panty and a 36B that you can pick up anything in that size and it will fit or feel good.


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## Starstarfish

This last post seriously seems like an ad.


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