# starting all over



## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

What if you could just start all over with your spouse? What would you change?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Hindsight is 20/20 so I would change the things I know I screwed up.

Doesn't mean it still wouldn't end in divorce but maybe not.

I have learned from my life a little here and there and if I ever meet another woman and get involved hopefully I can learn from my mistakes. Not real sure what the futue holds though. Scary for sure.


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## outoftheblue_1 (May 12, 2012)

I would get counseling for me. I realized through this divorce that i do have anger and abandonment issues. But my STBXW has a big problem lying. It still wouldnt of worked out unless she went and saw someone but she is selfish, stubborn and has to much pride.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

In my case, absolutely refuse to sign the prenup and greatly stand up to her wealth and her aire of aristocracy more! But, given that regimen, I would greatly feel that that might actually be the quickest recipe for an even shorter marriage, if any at all!


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

As tempted as I am to answer, I will not respond to the question with reference to my ex-spouse. It would only serve to poke at a wound that's healing and entertain fantasy. No thanks. 

I would rather consider what I'd change as I move forward. That would include not losing touch with myself and my own needs, and knowing the difference between _needing_ someone and _*needing*_ someone, meaning letting too many of my needs be met by another person or a relationship. 

I've felt connected with a few women in my life, moreso than with my ex-wife. I want to be with someone who can lead an authentic life, a good communicator, a kind soul, and someone witih a spark... an edge. What would I change? Not settling for anything less. Not looking for perfection, but a good connection. 

There a woman at work with whom I have an amazing connection. We get each other. When we walk in the hallways and chat, we're together... really together. As a friend commented, we're kindred spirits. However, she is married, and I respect that and she does too. Point is, that's the type of chemistry I know exists, and that is kind of exciting.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

sadwithouthim said:


> What if you could just start all over with your spouse? What would you change?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would have been more mindful of how things were going. I would have encouraged us to be more active in the relationship. We got lazy in working at it... I have learned my lesson for my next relationship.

But I don't want to think about it. I am ready to move and there's no way I'd take him back now.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

There are only 2 real times I would change if I could. One was three years ago when I found out my stbxw was emailing her ex about how much she regretted the way she ended things with him. I've recently come across the emails and I can't believe I ever let her come back in the first place. I should have let her drown in her self pity back then.

The other time was when she asked to come back 4 days after she left me in March. Once again I should have let her waste away with her decision. Instead I let her come back and all it did was strengthen her resolve.

Sadly these are now bitter learning experiences. Ones that have taught me to not trust myself with another person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

IC for her from the very start. Casually dating for a much longer time. Finding my own place. IC for myself.


DISREGARD FEMALES, ACQUIRE CURRENCY


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> I would have been more mindful of how things were going. I would have encouraged us to be more active in the relationship. We got lazy in working at it... I have learned my lesson for my next relationship.
> 
> But I don't want to think about it. I am ready to move and there's no way I'd take him back now.


agree with this.

plant the seeds, cultivate the grass, maintain it.

At that point theres no way in hell "the grass is greener.."!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

arbitrator said:


> In my case, absolutely refuse to sign the prenup and greatly stand up to her wealth and her aire of aristocracy more! But, given that regimen, I would greatly feel that that might actually be the quickest recipe for an even shorter marriage, if any at all!


Safe to say you'd cut down on the shix sandwich diet?


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

I would have been stronger, stood up to him more and not allowed him to control me.
I would have fought harder against his jealousy & insecurities and not let myself gauge my happiness based on his.
In short I would be less reliant on him for my emotional wellbeing. 

Oh yeah, and I would have put aside all the money I spent on him - I would have quite a nest egg instead of his debts!!

Ah well, we live & learn
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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