# Hit a wall with therapy



## Alpinglow (Nov 12, 2015)

I have posted on here a number of times and my history can be found in my previous threads. That being said, after some progress with therapy over the last year, my wife and I seem to have hit a wall. Our day to day relationship is good, and we get along ok as long as we're not drinking (hurt and anger seems to come out when we do). That being said, my wife now tells me that when I try to be intimate with her, she feels like her brother is coming on to her. She says she cries all the time, and is frustrated that she can't give me what I need in terms of intimacy. She tells our counselor that she has an emotional wall that she has built between us because of 'all the hurt' that we have gone through. The hurt had to do with what she calls verbal abuse by me over our 9 year marriage. I have stopped that now for real and have made real changes in my life. Despite this, she doesn't seem to be able to engage in therapy either with our counselor or with her own to try to pull the wall apart. Feels like she has one foot out the door but just doesn't know what to do. How do I break down the wall and bring intimacy back into our marriage?


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## asdfjkl (Sep 26, 2015)

Well, I guess you will have to remain nice and respctful, enjoy the day to day relatonship and, well, wait.

She may come aound but I believe this will take some time. If you had been rude and abusive for 9 years this will have left deep scars. Wait for her to start intimicy. Maybe this will ease the pressure on her and make it easier.

asdfjkl


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## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

Went back thru your posts. Wow.....she had an affair, and convinced you that your actions were the root cause. Spin it any way you want, but that's the simple issue. You have no ability to make another person think or act a certain way. The term I have heard others use is "dance puppet, dance" which is her way of being in control of your actions, supposedly to convince her to act like your wife again. Her coming back to intimacy is up to her, and you have little to no influence. It just sounds like she is stringing you along until she has finished preparations to leave, 

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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

I was in a bad marriage for 10 years. Took a separation and 9 months living apart before the anger and resentment subsided. Don't think it would have if we kept living together. Had to have my space, clear of toxins, to heal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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