# Multiple O alone or 1 with husband?



## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

I’m curious to see your response to this. Is it better to please yourself, multiple orgasms then having just one with the husband? She has 99% of the time a good orgasm. But this is only one...she coule have, like 2 or more I think. 

So I wonder if it’s easier for her to please herself, and a chore to have sex with me, more complicated and it involve someone else.

Note that we have sex close to once a week...sometimes we can reach two weeks. And that is fare from fulfilling my need, but I don’t complain.


What is your take on this?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Im just like your wife- i can have multiple O's on my own but maybe one with my H. 

It is not better doing it on my own, but sex can be very frustrating. The first time I O its just the beginning and there's a lot left but he can only go once and its over. Plus it can take me awhile to cum the first time and he cums really fast so that can be frustrating. I definitely enjoy sex more, i just wish it lasted longer and that i didnt feel pressured to cum quickly.


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## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

spelling


Blanca said:


> Im just like your wife- i can have multiple O's on my own but maybe one with my H.
> 
> It is not better doing it on my own, but sex can be very frustrating. The first time I O its just the beginning and there's a lot left but he can only go once and its over. Plus it can take me awhile to cum the first time and he cums really fast so that can be frustrating. I definitely enjoy sex more, i just wish it lasted longer and that i didnt feel pressured to cum quickly.


OK, so;

- Did you tell your husband that you would like to come more than once? 
(My wife tells me no, she likes to come at the same time as me, I'm not sure about this, I think she doesn’t want to worry me or make me fill like I’m not good enough, I don’t know...) 
- When you come the first time, does it take you long to come again?
Could you tell me exactly, the perfect scenario for you, perhaps my wife will be somewhat similar to this, I guess women in general would like it that way...


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I have one O either by masturbating or with sex. And if given a choice I will pick sex hands down everytime over masturbation. If it were better to please myself I probably wouldn't be married right now. I wouldn't trade multiple O's for a night with my H ever. He's hot and I love him.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I would rather have one big O with my husband. 

The emotional satisfaction is nothing can compare.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

I wish I could O regularly with my hubby, then I might actually want more sex and we wouldn't be fighting about it all the time. It has become a chore for me as it just never happens...and the more he wants me to have an O, the harder it is...ugh


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Any O is a good O whether it's just one or multiples.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Timy said:


> - Did you tell your husband that you would like to come more than once?


Not at first. At first I actually faked having orgasms and faked when I came. I told him i was faking and it was kinda upsetting for him. Recently I've told him sex can be frustrating because i _need_ to cum more then once. Its hard to say that to a guy, though, because it puts a lot of pressure on him, on us, and kind of takes the fun out of it. For me anyway. And now since he knows i can cum more then once he wants to make me do that, but its not that easy. I can see that he's trying and its kind of stressful, not at all romantic or sexy, so I usually fake coming more then once. Sometimes I tell him I don't want to come at all, that its fine if he just does. That's not entirely accurate, though. I kind of resent him for it...so complicated. 



Timy said:


> - When you come the first time, does it take you long to come again?


With him it usually does take some time. On my own its pretty quick. There has been maybe one occasion (in Five years) that i came easily the second time. 



Timy said:


> Could you tell me exactly, the perfect scenario for you, perhaps my wife will be somewhat similar to this, I guess women in general would like it that way...


The perfect scenario. Hmmm...i don't really know. I think it would have to involve another girl and maybe some toys, but that's just fantasy and we'd never really do it. In reality, I'm stumped!


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

When most woman masturbate they use a toy of some sort.. the vibe makes it happen very quick.. if we go at it manually it takes more time usually (at least its that way for me)

I guess I'm the only one that would choose my vibe over my hub.. but those who know my story know why. 

But I always have multis with the toys.. manually i stop at one, and i hardly ever had an O with my hub


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> When most woman masturbate they use a toy of some sort.. the vibe makes it happen very quick.. if we go at it manually it takes more time usually (at least its that way for me)
> 
> I guess I'm the only one that would choose my vibe over my hub.. but those who know my story know why.
> 
> But I always have multis with the toys.. manually i stop at one, and i hardly ever had an O with my hub


I'm not a big fan of vibes for this very reason. I used to use one when I masturbated and it got to where I then couldn't have an O without one. It took a while to learn how to O again without one.

I don't use a toy. I prefer to do it manually same as I would with my H.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Timy said:


> spelling
> 
> OK, so;
> 
> ...


Sounds like you have some insecurities in this department, No?

What matters is your wife not mine or anyone elses. Would you rather "spank it" 10x or have sex once?

I know the answer to that for me....you and the wife just keep talking and have fun........don't become obsessive if she didn't like sex or like you....you wouldn't be getting ANY!!


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## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

I’m not being fulfilled in this department. I’m just trying to understand the female point of view on this subject I guess. 

Personally, if I could reach multiple O and my partner wouldn’t be able to give me this, I might enjoy more masturbating then having sex. I would still have sex with the partner, but it wouldn’t come as naturally, it wouldn’t happen as often, and I wouldn’t tell not to hurt his felling.

Then again, I can be wrong. I’m a guy. That is why I’m asking the ladies.


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## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

Blanca said:


> Not at first. At first I actually faked having orgasms and faked when I came. I told him i was faking and it was kinda upsetting for him. Recently I've told him sex can be frustrating because i _need_ to cum more then once. Its hard to say that to a guy, though, because it puts a lot of pressure on him, on us, and kind of takes the fun out of it. For me anyway. And now since he knows i can cum more then once he wants to make me do that, but its not that easy. I can see that he's trying and its kind of stressful, not at all romantic or sexy, so I usually fake coming more then once. Sometimes I tell him I don't want to come at all, that its fine if he just does. That's not entirely accurate, though. I kind of resent him for it...so complicated.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It is complicated, and frustrating. Mastery in communication, patience and guidance is the key. But, easier said than done!!!!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Timy said:


> Personally, if I could reach multiple O and my partner wouldn’t be able to give me this, I might enjoy more masturbating then having sex. I would still have sex with the partner, but it wouldn’t come as naturally, it wouldn’t happen as often, and I wouldn’t tell not to hurt his felling.


I find this incredibly sad that you feel this way and I feel like saying shame on the woman on here for validating this very thought. Do you even know this is why you only have sex once a week? Or are you reaching for some reason?


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## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> I find this incredibly sad that you feel this way and I feel like saying shame on the woman on here for validating this very thought. Do you even know this is why you only have sex once a week? Or are you reaching for some reason?


Tring to understand, that's all. No, I do not know this... But, is it right at some level, or not at all?


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

to the women who dont O w/ their husbands , do these guys just climb on top and go at it, or do they at least try to eat some P? If so thats really pathetic! 

At this point I really dont even care about coming myself, I mostly like going down on my wife till she cums. Id actually prefer to keep going (she tastes pretty good)I love to hear her squeal but she says its too sensitive after she Os and she wants me inside. 

I like to change it up but my favorite is circular tongue action on the button, w/ 3 fingers inside, sorry if thats too graphic:scratchhead:


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## Tempted6119 (Apr 29, 2011)

I prefer sex with my husband than to having it alone. But many times when we're done and he leaves the room, I'll have another O by myself because I'm still wanting more. He does not go down on me and does not try to pleasure me unless he's in the mood as well. 
I have told him how much I like it when he goes down on me but that might evoke a one time response and then he doesn't go near it again.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Any O is a good O whether it's just one or multiples.


Agreed. I'd kill for just one with the husband, though.


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## Tempted6119 (Apr 29, 2011)

MGirl said:


> Agreed. I'd kill for just one with the husband, though.


If I left it up to him, I'd never have one. I have to push against him and put pressure on my Clit to achieve it. Just him doing his thing does not do it for me.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Timy said:


> Tring to understand, that's all. No, I do not know this... But, is it right at some level, or not at all?


Can't even imagine because I O easily so I prefer sex over masturbation. I prefer to get my H off, to enjoy his body, to have that intimacy. Masturbation for me is just about release like I've gotten horny and H is unavailable kinda thing. Not something I prefer over him.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Tempted6119 said:


> I prefer sex with my husband than to having it alone. But many times when we're done and he leaves the room, I'll have another O by myself because I'm still wanting more.


I've done this. Sometimes I didn't finish and sometimes yep I just want more. I wait till he goes to sleep and I sneak out and have another O by myself.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Tempted6119 said:


> when we're done and he leaves the room, I'll have another O by myself because I'm still wanting more. He does not go down on me and does not try to pleasure me unless he's in the mood as well.
> .


 That sucks! I cant belive some guys dont like going down, I musta been a lesbian in a former life:scratchhead:

Oddly enough my wife is not into BJs , ironic eh?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Timy said:


> It is complicated, and frustrating. Mastery in communication, patience and guidance is the key. But, easier said than done!!!!


It's much easier said then done, don't I know it! 

The best advice I can give you is monitor yourself constantly for resentment. That is the stuff that will kill your happiness. Trying to get rid of resentment reminds me of the scene from Spiderman III when he's under the church tower and battling to pull of the symbiont. Once he gets it off himself he has to do damage control with all those he wronged while he was possessed with it. Do everything you can to stay away from resentment.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Tempted6119 said:


> If I left it up to him, I'd never have one. I have to push against him and put pressure on my Clit to achieve it. Just him doing his thing does not do it for me.


So what's wrong with doing just that? It's what works for you.

a person cannot be passive about seeking joy.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

michzz said:


> a person cannot be passive about seeking joy.


Very wise words.


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## tiredofthis31 (Apr 30, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> I wish I could O regularly with my hubby, then I might actually want more sex and we wouldn't be fighting about it all the time. It has become a chore for me as it just never happens...and the more he wants me to have an O, the harder it is...ugh


this might help
I found while masterbating that if I lay in a piticular position I O much faster and easier. So then when I'm with my husband I make sure I'm in that same position. Once I have an O then he can do whatever position he wants and by the time he cums then I usually have another one or two. 
Just communicate, I might have problems communicating with him any other time but in bed we just click. We take turns pleasing each other.


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## tiredofthis31 (Apr 30, 2011)

If you can't O with your husband but you can masterbating, who says you have to masterbate alone? lay in bed together it's such a turn on for my husband.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> I've done this. Sometimes I didn't finish and sometimes yep I just want more. I wait till he goes to sleep and I sneak out and have another O by myself.


You make me laugh at myself. 

When I want another one, I will climb on my husband again and take advantage of his half soft half hard toy!  Wiggle wiggle wiggle, another bit O! Feels great!


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## Tempted6119 (Apr 29, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> to the women who dont O w/ their husbands , do these guys just climb on top and go at it, or do they at least try to eat some P? If so thats really pathetic!
> 
> At this point I really dont even care about coming myself, I mostly like going down on my wife till she cums. Id actually prefer to keep going (she tastes pretty good)I love to hear her squeal but she says its too sensitive after she Os and she wants me inside.
> 
> I like to change it up but my favorite is circular tongue action on the button, w/ 3 fingers inside, sorry if thats too graphic:scratchhead:


He will rub my clit with his fingers but even though I've told him I like him to go down on me, he doesn't.


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## Tempted6119 (Apr 29, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> I'm not a big fan of vibes for this very reason. I used to use one when I masturbated and it got to where I then couldn't have an O without one. It took a while to learn how to O again without one.
> 
> I don't use a toy. I prefer to do it manually same as I would with my H.


That is good to know. People have told me to get one since my husband isn't as interested as I am. I don't want to have that problem on top of everything else.


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## Tempted6119 (Apr 29, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> I've done this. Sometimes I didn't finish and sometimes yep I just want more. I wait till he goes to sleep and I sneak out and have another O by myself.


I'm so glad to know I'm not alone in this. lol :toast: to multiple O's.


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## Tempted6119 (Apr 29, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> That sucks! I cant belive some guys dont like going down, I musta been a lesbian in a former life:scratchhead:
> 
> Oddly enough my wife is not into BJs , ironic eh?


It does suck. lol Also that he rarely wants to have sex. It's been a source of frustration in our marriage for about 8 years now and I'm getting really tired of it. 
And I've offered him BJs but he says no. Yes, he is a man. ha ha ha
I don't know what his problem is, used to think it was me and really did a number on my self esteem. But I've come to believe that it's him. Still have to fight the self esteem thing though.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

magnoliagal said:


> I find this incredibly sad that you feel this way and I feel like saying shame on the woman on here for validating this very thought. Do you even know this is why you only have sex once a week? Or are you reaching for some reason?


Why say shame on someone for being honest? This board would be useless if people couldn't say how they feel. 

Not all men seem to care about the woman's pleasure. It might be b/c they just don't care, or they are too intimidated to work at it so they act like they don't care, or they just get lazy. It does not matter why if they don't communicate their own concerns; all she gets is an unsatisfying sexual relationship. That can easily contribute to marital troubles. Some women have even said that if they tell their man what they like, he'll avoid doing it. How's that for one's satisfaction in the marriage? 

It is a complicated issue and when one tries to communicate and gets nothing back in return, frustration and resentment build.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> I would rather have one big O with my husband.
> 
> The emotional satisfaction is nothing can compare.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

So, from what I can see. Masturbation is not better than having the real thing. And even if you do have multiple orgasms while masturbating, the one the hubby gives you is better. 

This brings me to think that with hubby, the orgasm is bigger, so no need for multiple? 
If hubby gives you one, after the big O, would you mind continuing? 

Thanks, being curious here :scratchhead:


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Timy said:


> So, from what I can see. Masturbation is not better than having the real thing. And even if you do have multiple orgasms while masturbating, the one the hubby gives you is better.
> 
> This brings me to think that with hubby, the orgasm is bigger, so no need for multiple?
> If hubby gives you one, after the big O, would you mind continuing?
> ...


I don't quite understand what you are asking. 

I usually cum first, after I cum, then it's my husband's turn to cum, and I really enjoy it. It feels like that my orgasm is lasting longer. That's why sometimes I want another orgasm because my husband arouses me again. 

But this is me. I don't know about other women.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

sisters359 said:


> Why say shame on someone for being honest? This board would be useless if people couldn't say how they feel.


Because this is different. This guy is feeling inferior because he can't give his lady multiple O's. He's competing with likely a vibe. How fair is that? No man is battery operated. Also he wants to pleasure her but she was dumb enough to imply he wasn't enough maybe?? Now it's haunting him. Then he comes here and the women basically validate it. So yes it bothers me.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Timy said:


> If hubby gives you one, after the big O, would you mind continuing?


What we do is I finish first then him. So of course he continues and I love every minute of it. He doesn't last long though if he did I probably would try for another one.


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## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> This guy is feeling inferior because he can't give his lady multiple O's. He's competing with likely a vibe. How fair is that? No man is battery operated. Also he wants to pleasure her but she was dumb enough to imply he wasn't enough maybe?? Now it's haunting him. Then he comes here and the women basically validate it. So yes it bothers me.


I’m not feeling inferior, and I’m not competing against a vibe. She didn’t use the vibe for over a month now, which I’m glad, with what I’ve read here on the effects of that. In my book, masturbation is a must for men and women, there are so many benefits, physically, mentally, and it helps to you understand your body better, how it reacts to certain things. That way, your better equipped to please someone else. 

I’m just trying to understand why my wife doesn’t want to come more than once with me. I would love to keep going. However, she tells me that she likes when we come together. And while reading the post, everyone’s comments, this brings other questions. 

I would love if my wife would open up on her sexual life, meaning that she feels comfortable 100% talking of all aspects. We could grow faster together. She’s not comfortable talking about masturbation, and when we have intercourse, I don’t think she’s letting herself go 100%.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Timy said:


> I’m just trying to understand why my wife doesn’t want to come more than once with me. I would love to keep going. However, she tells me that she likes when we come together. And while reading the post, everyone’s comments, this brings other questions.
> 
> I would love if my wife would open up on her sexual life, meaning that she feels comfortable 100% talking of all aspects. We could grow faster together. She’s not comfortable talking about masturbation, and when we have intercourse, I don’t think she’s letting herself go 100%.


Oh thanks for clarifying. I say keep trying. I'm not comfortable with opening up with all aspects of my sexual life to my husband either. And until I can let go 100% it's unlikely I'll ever have more than one O with him.


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## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> Oh thanks for clarifying. I say keep trying. I'm not comfortable with opening up with all aspects of my sexual life to my husband either. And until I can let go 100% it's unlikely I'll ever have more than one O with him.


I’ll keep trying!!! Do you have any suggestions that might help her to open up? I was thinking that we could start all over, our sexual life. That we only masturbate, together for the first week or month, and then we could move on to foreplay, no penetration. Once comfortable, we could move on to penetration. But we should keep the communication going while having sex ie, go slower, faster do it this way, fu..k me harder lol... I don’t know, does this make sense to get her to open up??? Or am I going the wrong way?


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Timy said:


> I’ll keep trying!!! Do you have any suggestions that might help her to open up?


All you need to know is for women the key is not in the nether regions it's in her head. Reach her there and she's yours.


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## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

Easier said then done. A women's head is not wired the same way as a men.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Timy said:


> Easier said then done. A women's head is not wired the same way as a men.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know. What I want from my husband before I can open up sexually is to feel safe. I need to trust him and I can say at the moment I don't. He's a great guy he is but I don't trust him. Little things over the years have caused me to put up small walls. The biggest problem is lack of intimate conversations. He doesn't know how to listen to a woman without getting defensive. If he can't do that then how can I tell him what I want in bed?


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Timy said:


> Easier said then done. A women's head is not wired the same way as a men.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Timy,

More all day foreplay. Start small, then build it up. Text her during the day. First tell her how hot she is dressed today. Then, wait a few minutes. Text her again, about how you want to see her naked later, because your really turned on. Then, start the dialog, but make it like a romance novel....lots of description and lots of steam. This should get your wifes mind organ working all day. Have kids? Tell her you are taking care of them tonight..or send them to grandmas house...because you are going to be the big bad wolf tonight. You are putting them to bed, whatever. You are making or picking up supper tonight. Make sure she has noting to worry about that night except getting it on with you. 

The trick to the texting is to start the dialog so it MAKES her curious. This opens up her mind.

Example....don't text..." I want you tonight..." right off the bat. Do this....

You..." I was thinking.....". ( the open endedness is the curiosity hook. Gets her interested.)
Her..."what?"
You." how hot you looked in your skirt this morning."
Pause for a response. If SHE doesn't respond..keep going.
You.." yes. It turns me on. You know what it makes me what to do...."
her..."yes...what?"
Then have some fun here. Be descriptive. Turn on her mind. Leave lots of open ended statements so she fills in the rest with her imagination.
At the end of your flirting...
"don't worry about dinner. Or the kids. I have that covered. I want you to just be concerned about putting on that sexy lengerie for me. See you after work! "
Her.." I can't wait!"

When u do this...your not asking. Don't ask her if it's ok if u do something. Just TELL her what you want to do to her and what you want her to do to you.

Have fun with this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

Thanks alphaomega, but I might try that once our relationship is better. We took a plunge yesterday. I caught her having fun in the shower a few days back. And she keeps denying, I did not tell her at first, but we had discussions on masturbation, and she told me that she did not masturbate, since our last argument on the subject of `our intimacy`. 6 weeks or more ago. So I let it slide for a few days. But not being intimate with her since April 22nd, I feel empty. So I told her how I felt, and the subject on masturbation came back. Being upset, I confronted her and told her that I caught her in the act. She still denies. So I must be imagining things...I don’t think so. So the big argument ended pretty rough yesterday morning. I told her later in the day that I was sorry for being that way with her, and continued to express how I feel when we are not intimate and when she doesn’t show me that she wants me or attracted to me. My love language is physical, and hers is words of affirmation and quality time. So I'll try to make sure all of her needs a meet. Hopefully, things will turn around.

Cheers for now.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Timy said:


> Thanks alphaomega, but I might try that once our relationship is better. We took a plunge yesterday. I caught her having fun in the shower a few days back. And she keeps denying, I did not tell her at first, but we had discussions on masturbation, and she told me that she did not masturbate, since our last argument on the subject of `our intimacy`. 6 weeks or more ago. So I let it slide for a few days. But not being intimate with her since April 22nd, I feel empty. So I told her how I felt, and the subject on masturbation came back. Being upset, I confronted her and told her that I caught her in the act. She still denies. So I must be imagining things...I don’t think so. So the big argument ended pretty rough yesterday morning. I told her later in the day that I was sorry for being that way with her, and continued to express how I feel when we are not intimate and when she doesn’t show me that she wants me or attracted to me. My love language is physical, and hers is words of affirmation and quality time. So I'll try to make sure all of her needs a meet. Hopefully, things will turn around.


Why is her having fun in the shower a big deal? I don't think it is.

Next time just hop in with her and ask her if she wants some help.

And stop apologizing so much. Too many " I'm sorry"s make you look clingy. Don't be sorry about your feelings. They are YOUR feelings and perfectly legit. Reserve the sorry statements for those times when you really need to say it.


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## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Why is her having fun in the shower a big deal? I don't think it is.
> 
> Next time just hop in with her and ask her if she wants some help.


It’s not a big deal, well it became a big deal because she’s denying, and I was upset and told her she was not being honest. I was actually exited for her, she always tells me that she doesn’t. So to know that she actually does it, is all good! 

But all is good now. I'll just keep the past in the past and forget. Hopefully, our intimacy, or her needing me will come with time. I`ll just concentrate on myself, working out and spend quality time with her. 

Cheers!


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Interesting tidbits from the ladies here. At the rip ole age of 37, i pace myself sexual, and when i can tell she's builiding up for an orgasm ( usually takes about 30 seconds for her to fully peak) then i time it that we come together. That's with her on top or bottom. Her on top has always been rough on, that position used to make it hard to not come fast, but i've willed myself to last longer, anyway, now i've gotten to the point where i can outlast her first, but i've never made it to her 2nd, atleast not that i know of.

Its funny how women's bodies changed, she's 34. When were in our 20's, i can remember her telling me she came 5x. But i could never tell by her reactions, i can definately tell now, which tells me that aren't as many obviously, but more powerful. Now if i only i could get us to have sex more t han once in a while


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## MandyLou (May 6, 2011)

It is better to have an O at the same time as the person you are with. Multiples aren't a big deal as long as you have the one. Don't get obsessed with outdoing yourself, it will only put pressure on her to have another one which will lessen the fun for both of you.


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## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

Thanks MandyLou, it makes sense. We have some work to do as you may have read in one of my last post. It’s been a rough week, relationship wise. We talk yesterday and I told, among other things that I would like to be intimate more often with her, like 2 or 3 times a week. She finds that a bit much, considering that she works long hours on Tuesday and Wednesday. So we’ll see. She will try, not to meet the number but more often..


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