# Need some advice, this is long



## Boringmom_oh3 (Jul 21, 2015)

I just joined and would love some output. It's a long story, husband and i were together off and on from 16-19. We had a daughter at 17, he joined the active duty army at 19 and we decided to get married. We had a bad past, he WAS physically and emotionally abusive and treated me like dirt. Fast forward to us married before he left for basic training, I caught him texting a girl and he refused to quit when I asked him to stop, I wrongfully pulled the divorce cord to reel him back in and unfortunately he had a sexual affair with a younger female. I found out when he was in basic training and he denied it until right before ait. Ait he blew thousands on drinking and such, searched on Facebook for this girl many times, his reasons were, "you wanted to leave", " you pushed me there" and the list goes on. So by the last string I have I moved to El Paso Tx with him (first duty station) and found out again he was searching for her on top of the disrespectful, emotionally abusive words and turn around on me games. In june I ended up getting pregnant with twins (identical so tooootal surprise) and in Feb I found out he was texting her, and had been for three months, if I wasn't 33 weeks pregnant and super high risk I would've left. So leaving him with the knowledge that "when our twins turn 1 we are going to councelling and I still may leave". The entire year was hell, many many lies came out about the girl and my husband was very disrespectful and put me down constantly and is always trying to control me. So here we are today, I want to leave and have wanted to for a while now. I have been taking my time and now I feel I am ready to tell my husband I want to start the separation. We are still in el paso and he is going to another duty station in Oct and I have to decide by than whether we will move with him or if the kids and I will stay in Texas (move close to my brother) and he goes in. In therapy I've come to chose I will not give him another chance and I will not be able to move on in our marriage after everything. I have 0 trust in him, and may i add tgat since therapy he has done a total 360 and is kissing ass and it pisses me off to no end. What is some advice?


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## Jen02 (Jul 21, 2015)

I am sorry for you hardship. I am in the army. If what you are saying is true, what he is doing is not okay by army standards. You should be able to talk to his chain of command and they can place a no contact order on him which will prohibit him from talking to the other girl. In addition, the chain of command will make sure that he is providing his family with financial support if you separate prior to the divorce. As a soldier, he has to follow UCMJ. There should also be couple counseling on your base. The Army takes a very serious stance on Soldiers taking care of their family and doing the right things.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Jen02 said:


> I am sorry for you hardship. I am in the army. If what you are saying is true, what he is doing is not okay by army standards. You should be able to talk to his chain of command and they can place a no contact order on him which will prohibit him from talking to the other girl. In addition, the chain of command will make sure that he is providing his family with financial support if you separate prior to the divorce. As a soldier, he has to follow UCMJ. There should also be couple counseling on your base. The Army takes a very serious stance on Soldiers taking care of their family and doing the right things.


From a logistical and financial standpoint this might be true, but I think the bigger issue is her emotional health. Leave this man when he goes in October. Move closer to your brother.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

I agree with Second. Leave him and move closer to the people who will love and support you and the kids (ie. your brother). Build a life for yourself that does not involve your husband. Ensure child support.

His cheating ways will not change.


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