# Time for myself? (married with child)



## terrance (Feb 8, 2010)

First I'd like to apologize if there are numerous other threads on the subject. I am married with child and I feel that my wife and I need a better system for scheduling or understanding our needs to have some free time alone. I would love to hear other's systems, rules, or insight on the subject. 

A little background... My child is a year and 1/2, and the Mrs. and I have been married 5+ years. Our work schedules are typical--busy until 6 or so on weekdays. The weekends are free and we seem to get at each others throats every weekend without fail. Here's the problem: My wife wants me at home with her or doing something fun with the family. If a buddy calls me or if I just want to get away for a few hours or even into work last minute, I can't go because it is not planned and the wife feels deserted with the child. 

So every weekend, I sit around the house depressed that I can't have some free time to myself and have no motivation to plan a family outing. The times that I do treat myself to time alone are always accompanied by an angry wife when I get back. My wife plans everything, so when she goes for her free time, she always reminds me that I already okayed it 3 weeks ago. 

It's not that I think anything is unfair, I know I need time with my wife and child, but I feel that I have lost every bit of my freedom.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

What if its planned that the 3rd Saturday night of every month is your night - to do as you wish....AND that you get 2 hours in a row on a Sat or Sunday each weekend to do your own thing. The same would go for her. If she's a planner then plan. It doesn't have to be that you are going to be somewhere but just that the time is there. You can even let your friends know and start planning around that as well.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

There's a book called Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S. that you can order at Help for Men, Mentor for Men, Men's Groups, Relationship Advice, Life Coach. It fits your situation. I really recommend it.

And I agree that, for now, you sit down with her and say "I love you like crazy, but I have to have some time for myself. I propose that, one Saturday each month, I have a morning, an afternoon, or an evening off to be with my friends. Also, I'm going to take care of our son for the same amount of time one time each month, and I expect YOU to go do something for yourself. We can't survive if we don't have personal time."


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