# Time for a smile



## hairyhead (Oct 30, 2015)

Thought I would offer everyone a smile.

My wife was getting dressed and after getting some underwear from her drawer she closed it rather harder than intended and left the bedroom. When she went back she was suddenly very scared of a rather deep growl resonating throughout the bedroom and called for me. It sounded like a strange airlock in the plumbing. I started to investigate by opening taps and flushing the cistern but to no avail. She called our 15 yo daughter to help just when I worked it out. I had to chase them both out of the room whilst pretending to fix something under the sink.

Then I called my wife back and told her to find her vibrator...... which was at the back of one of the drawers and was vibrating off the wood and the chest was acting like a big bass speaker. Had us in fits of giggles and we had to think up a suitable lie for daughter although I think she had suspicions!


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

Oh, lighten up.

My family was VERY open about masturbation and sexuality. But at 15, the mental image of my mom's vibrator going off in the dresser drawer would have been a little TOO real for me.

Teenagers can't be treated like normal humans. They are a unique type of creature.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Those are the moments my wife and I live for with our teens...the opportunity to make them go Ewwwww  There has to be SOME sort of payback for all the crap they put us through


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> Those are the moments my wife and I live for with our teens...the opportunity to make them go Ewwwww
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ha! 

Maybe that's why my mom always told me awkward things about her sex life...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

NoSizeQueen said:


> Oh, lighten up.
> 
> My family was VERY open about masturbation and sexuality. But at 15, the mental image of my mom's vibrator going off in the dresser drawer would have been a little TOO real for me.
> 
> Teenagers can't be treated like normal humans. They are a unique type of creature.



The best is when you argue with your wife using some very colorful innuendos and double entendres. Meanwhile in the backseat of the car while doing 80mph down the interstate your teenage daughter yells, "JUST GIVE IT TO HIM MAMMA, daddy has actually been being very nice today!"


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

boltam said:


> I don't understand.
> 
> Why didn't you just say to both of them "It's just your mom's vibrator it accidentally turned on".
> 
> Masturbation is a natural thing, it's not some deep dark secret..


I once forgot and left a mini vibe under my wife's pillow (as I keep them hidden and nearby just in case). Our teenage daughter the next day jumped in bed to snuggle with her mom and found it. She immediately assumed it was a magic marker and fussed at her mom NOT to color in bed, because had she left it open that it would have ruined the sheets and everyones cloths. 

The wife did not correct her and apologized for coloring in bed and later told me the story and we laughed together!

Badsanta


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

A while ago my five-year-old accidentally found my rabbit vibrator. She was intrigued because it was funny-looking and hot pink, and she really wanted to know what it was.

"I don't know what is, honey. I found it somewhere, but I think it's broken. Hey, you want some ice cream?"


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

NoSizeQueen said:


> A while ago my five-year-old accidentally found my rabbit vibrator. She was intrigued because it was funny-looking and hot pink, and she really wanted to know what it was.
> 
> "I don't know what is, honey. I found it somewhere, but I think it's broken. Hey, you want some ice cream?"


yup. two years ago my then 5 year old found mine while packing things up for a move. same thing. pink. wanted to know what it was, if it was a toy.

well,...uh....sweetie? that's mommy's uh.......
let's go outside huh?
lol. so awkward.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

badsanta said:


> The best is when you argue with your wife using some very colorful *innuendos* and double entendres. Meanwhile in the backseat of the car while doing 80mph down the interstate your teenage daughter yells, "JUST GIVE IT TO HIM MAMMA, daddy has actually been being very nice today!"


Is *innuendo* a euphemism for* anal?*


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

badsanta said:


> I once forgot and left a mini vibe under my wife's pillow (as I keep them hidden and nearby just in case). Our teenage daughter the next day jumped in bed to snuggle with her mom and found it. She immediately assumed it was a magic marker and fussed at her mom NOT to color in bed, because had she left it open that it would have ruined the sheets and everyones cloths.
> 
> The wife did not correct her and apologized for coloring in bed and later told me the story and we laughed together!
> 
> Badsanta


Well, when used properly, it CAN mess up the sheets....


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Woodchuck said:


> Is *innuendo* a euphemism for* anal?*


No, we were talking about my wood that needed chucking. I drew you a diagram...


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

badsanta said:


> No, we were talking about my wood that needed chucking. I drew you a diagram...


Given the opportunity I will eat a beaver....


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

When I was self employed, I was working in the back yard of a house in a neighborhood. The lady that lived there had come out and was asking me questions about her yard and while I'm answering her, a little boy maybe 4 or 5 comes out of house and is pretending to be in a sword fight battle with another kid. It was then the lady and I noticed that the sword he was using was a very long double ended dildo that he Must have found in Mom and Dads room. The woman let out a shriek that was blood curdling and started chasing her son around the yard trying to get it off her kid. I started laughing and so did the six employees I had working with me. That woman had a look on her face that was one that I'll go to my grave seeing. I hope she had at least washed it before the kid started swinging it around.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

6301 said:


> When I was self employed, I was working in the back yard of a house in a neighborhood. The lady that lived there had come out and was asking me questions about her yard and while I'm answering her, a little boy maybe 4 or 5 comes out of house and is pretending to be in a sword fight battle with another kid. It was then the lady and I noticed that the sword he was using was a very long double ended dildo that he Must have found in Mom and Dads room. The woman let out a shriek that was blood curdling and started chasing her son around the yard trying to get it off her kid. I started laughing and so did the six employees I had working with me. That woman had a look on her face that was one that I'll go to my grave seeing. I hope she had at least washed it before the kid started swinging it around.


Well if it was a glow in the dark model with a vibe it would be a perfectly good replica of a light sabre....BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ....


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Woodchuck said:


> Well if it was a glow in the dark model with a vibe it would be a perfectly good replica of a light sabre....BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ....


 @Woodchuck you strike me as the kind of guy that would probably own a glow in the dark speculum. 










Not knowing what it was used for, you probably thought to yourself, "So this is what I need to help me unroll my condoms in the dark and help hold them open so I can finally be able to get one on!"


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

badsanta said:


> @Woodchuck you strike me as the kind of guy that would probably own a glow in the dark speculum.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


UGH BUSTED.......This is going to feel a little COLD...


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