# Would you be upset if your friend said this to your wife?



## funnybunny29 (Apr 1, 2014)

One of my husband's friend commented that I have a nice figure and then told my husband not to leave me along in a room with him. My husband just laughed it off but I felt his comment was inappropriate. Am I overreacting? How would you feel if one of your friends said that to your wife?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would probably laugh it off as well, or come up with a comment that would make my SO blush. But that's the way I roll...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes you are overacting. Your husband laughed it off because he trusts you.

Does this person say stuff like that to you often? Or was it just this one time?


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

It's an awesome compliment. Enjoy it. 

But then never be in a room alone with the guy...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'd probably respond with "I'm going to keep you too apart for your own protection pal, cause my wife would eat you alive".


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## funnybunny29 (Apr 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Yes you are overacting. Your husband laughed it off because he trusts you.
> 
> Does this person say stuff like that to you often? Or was it just this one time?


No, he doesn't. My friends felt it was an inappropriate comment as well. 

He's married but his wife wasn't present. I would not be happy if my husband made the same comment to his friend's wife.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

funnybunny29 said:


> No, he doesn't. My friends felt it was an inappropriate comment as well.
> 
> He's married but his wife wasn't present. I would not be happy if my husband made the same comment to his friend's wife.


Did you say anything to the friend? 

If this is a one time thing, I would not make a big deal out of it.

If he does it again, replay that you are sure his wife will not be happy to find out that he's talking like that.


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## funnybunny29 (Apr 1, 2014)

I didn't say anything because I was quite shocked by his comment. I will definitely say something to him if there is a next time.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I don't see it as that bad, necessarily. But I can understand if it made you uncomfortable. If he says something like that again, come back with "That would be wonderful! I'll be sure to have the broom, dustpan, mop, bucket, and/or vacuum handy! I always love help with housework!"

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## funnybunny29 (Apr 1, 2014)

Maricha75 said:


> I don't see it as that bad, necessarily. But I can understand if it made you uncomfortable. If he says something like that again, come back with "That would be wonderful! I'll be sure to have the broom, dustpan, mop, bucket, and/or vacuum handy! I always love help with housework!"
> 
> I like this one. Unfortunately, I always think of responses like this well after the fact.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

The first time, I'd take it as a compliment. The second time, it would piss me off.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Consider it a compliment to your husband as well. As long as you don't hear questions about swinging, it's not that big a deal.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If I heard that my husband had said that to another woman when I wasn't around, I think it would piss me off though. He NEVER talks like that, so if he did it would be totally out of character and kinda creepy.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

funnybunny29 said:


> Maricha75 said:
> 
> 
> > I don't see it as that bad, necessarily. But I can understand if it made you uncomfortable. If he says something like that again, come back with "That would be wonderful! I'll be sure to have the broom, dustpan, mop, bucket, and/or vacuum handy! I always love help with housework!"
> ...


Well you have that response now, use it or something similar if he ever does that again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> If I heard that my husband had said that to another woman when I wasn't around, I think it would piss me off though. He NEVER talks like that, so if he did it would be totally out of character and kinda creepy.


I agree with this. From his wife's perspective this would be very upsetting.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You are overreacting and taking too much to heart. 

First of all, he made the comment with your husband present, in a way that he knew your husband would take lightly. That is the difference right there. If he had said that to you when your husband was not there then yes, it would have been inappropriate. 

You just got confirmation from another male other than your husband that you are a hot desirable woman. It should make you feel good.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

funnybunny29 said:


> One of my husband's friend commented that I have a nice figure and then told my husband not to leave me along in a room with him. My husband just laughed it off but I felt his comment was inappropriate. Am I overreacting? How would you feel if one of your friends said that to your wife?


If another guy said those words to me, depending on the overall tone and the way that he'd been looking at my wife, I'd probably inform him pretty quickly that, going forward, _*he should probably be much more concerned about him being in a room alone w/ me.*_

If I honestly thought it were a joke, though, I'd probably just laugh it off.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

I would feel proud that my wife was so hot...but would not send the two of you off to vegas together either!


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

I don't need my friend to tell me that my SO is hot. People know a hot person when they see one. Also, hot people know they are hot and don't need to be told.

It was, at best, a lame attempt to be funny. And showed poor taste.


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## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

funnybunny29 said:


> One of my husband's friend commented that I have a nice figure and then told my husband not to leave me along in a room with him. My husband just laughed it off but I felt his comment was inappropriate. Am I overreacting? How would you feel if one of your friends said that to your wife?


It is sexist and would both annoy and embarrass me which is exactly what he probably wanted to do. A compliment is "you look beautiful tonight" or "lookin good!".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Single guy we know complimented me in front of hubs. I also felt a bit awkward in the moment but hubs laughed it off and agreed with him. Maybe this dude's comment wasn't the smoothest but be glad that your husband feels secure within himself and your marriage.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

*Re: Re: Would you be upset if your friend said this to your wife?*



ThreeStrikes said:


> I don't need my friend to tell me that my SO is hot. People know a hot person when they see one. Also, hot people know they are hot and don't need to be told.
> 
> It was, at best, a lame attempt to be funny. And showed poor taste.


No ... we hot people definitely like hearing it.

Context.

There are couples I know I could say that with. and it would be seen in the proper light.

Others I would not, knowing it would be received poorly.

I think it is acceptable to express to your husband, or him, that it made you uncomfortable. 

Beyond that I just don't see this event being worth a lot of emotional energy.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

ThreeStrikes said:


> It was, at best, a lame attempt to be funny. And showed poor taste.


:iagree: If this happened again he would be getting moved off of the "friend" list.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

ThreeStrikes said:


> I don't need my friend to tell me that my SO is hot. People know a hot person when they see one. Also, hot people know they are hot and don't need to be told.
> 
> It was, at best, a lame attempt to be funny. And showed poor taste.


:iagree:

There are some thoughts you keep to yourself.
I don't mind people telling me my wife is hot or attractive.

But saying that you are interested in getting into her pants whether directly or by innuendo is extremely disrespectful to me, and making my wife uncomfortable.

I would respond by telling him that if ever he found himself alone in a room with her, he'd better make sure she came back out of the room the exact same way she went in...

And there is no room for " mistakes."


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

Yuck. Not my style at all. I'd avoid a guy who talked like that about me. My husband and I are very open with each other so I'd probably tell him I thought it was crass and made me uncomfortable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ThreeStrikes said:


> I don't need my friend to tell me that my SO is hot. People know a hot person when they see one. Also, hot people know they are hot and don't need to be told.
> 
> It was, at best, a lame attempt to be funny. And showed poor taste.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I agree. At best very lame. Context does matter. In some settings this would be a blatant come on with plausible denial. In others not so much.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is this guy the man who knows the woman you think you husband might have had an affair with?

If so, maybe it was his way of telling your husband that he has a beautiful/hot wife and should look no further?????


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> The first time, I'd take it as a compliment. The second time, it would piss me off.


There is complimenting. Then their is inappropriate remarks.

This so called friend is no friend.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Deejo said:


> No ... we hot people definitely like hearing it.


Right! I forgot about you, Deejo 

You're too sexy for your shirt....


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

Nothing to see here. Unless this guy has a history of being a player or banging other peoples wives.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'd be flattered unless I put too much effort thinking about it.

If I thought too hard about it then I would end up feeling insulted. My mind works that way if I dwell too much. It would take that little tic-tac sized lame comment and take it on the fast track to a major mountain of an insult

"wtf is that supposed to mean? Was he implying that I can't be alone in a room w/a man without cheating on my husband?? He must think he's some sort of gift to women if he thinks being alone in a room w/his friend's wife will make her automatically bang him out. what a jerk!"

ROFL

Don't dwell...you'll be way more peaceful


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

funnybunny29 said:


> No, he doesn't. My friends felt it was an inappropriate comment as well.
> 
> He's married but his wife wasn't present. I would not be happy if my husband made the same comment to his friend's wife.


Pick your battles. This one isn't worth a second thought.

He's a dude being a dude. I know that's wrong to say on these boards but there it is.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

My friends wouldn't say some sht like that to someone I was with. That's a typical bait, to see if your interested, to plant the seed of thought, and its a scumbag move, from an obvious lowlife. Yes it is insulting, and unless there was drinking involved I might be all up in homeboys face. 
No pass for lack of class...

Get new friends..


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

funnybunny29 said:


> One of my husband's friend commented that I have a nice figure and then told my husband not to leave me along in a room with him. My husband just laughed it off but I felt his comment was inappropriate. Am I overreacting? How would you feel if one of your friends said that to your wife?


I think I would have thanked him for the compliment and sweetly told him that SO knows that he wouldn't have anything to worry about - even if Friend found himself alone on a desert island with me...


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

funnybunny29 said:


> One of my husband's friend commented that I have a nice figure and then told my husband not to leave me along in a room with him. My husband just laughed it off but I felt his comment was inappropriate. Am I overreacting? How would you feel if one of your friends said that to your wife?


 OK. The $64.00 question. Was alcohol being consumed when this was said? 

I think he was paying a compliment and as long as he didn't say it while drooling or grabbing a hand full of your excitement then your OK but if it happens again then the guy needs to be told that it's a no no.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> My friends wouldn't say some sht like that to someone I was with. That's a typical bait, to see if your interested, to plant the seed of thought, and its a scumbag move, from an obvious lowlife. Yes it is insulting, and unless there was drinking involved I might be all up in homeboys face.
> No pass for lack of class...
> 
> Get new friends..


This is indeed not uncommon. ( PUA )


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Is this guy the man who knows the woman you think you husband might have had an affair with?
> 
> If so, maybe it was his way of telling your husband that he has a beautiful/hot wife and should look no further?????


Ohhhhhhhh.... missed that! Yea, if that's the one who knows the OW, this could be as Ele suggested. And could easily be why your husband laughed it off. Not saying it IS the reason, but it's plausible, if this man is friends with the OW...


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Shooboomafoo said:


> My friends wouldn't say some sht like that to someone I was with. That's a typical bait, to see if your interested, to plant the seed of thought, and its a scumbag move, from an obvious lowlife..
> 
> Get new friends..


Agree.

It is twofold.

It is a creative insult to her husband, and an underhanded way of stroking her ego. It's like telling a man's wife in front of him that you want to have sex with her. But in doing that, he's also saying to her that her husband is too dumb to realize what's his real intention.

He's also telegraphing to the woman what type of person he is and what type of woman he_ thinks_ she is.

.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

EleGirl said:


> Is this guy the man who knows the woman you think you husband might have had an affair with?
> 
> If so, maybe it was his way of telling your husband that he has a beautiful/hot wife and should look no further?????



Like I said, context ...

If the friend knows the circumstances of the infidelity, let me translate what he was really saying, which wasn't about you at all ... but about your husband. And was in fact likely a true compliment.

"Dude, you have a lovely wife, don't be a f*cking idiot."


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

If my friend said that to my wife I would be pi$$ed and would say something along the line of your crusin for a punch in the face!

if it was just a compliment he would have said you look nice today or something less sugestive. yep he was leaving the door open a crack to see your responce.


really don't like friends trying to compliment my wife in that way. probably wouldn't be a friend much longer. and when I got him alone I would read him the whats the fvck wrong with you.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I don't know...you sort of have to look at which message board your posting on. This place is hyper-sensitive to a conservative marriage structure.

If you posted this on a non marriage board most guys would tell you this is no big deal.


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## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

sinnister said:


> I don't know...you sort of have to look at which message board your posting on. This place is hyper-sensitive to a conservative marriage structure.
> 
> If you posted this on a non marriage board most guys would tell you this is no big deal.


I think it has to do more with feminism than a conservative marriage...for me it is just a really demeaning comment and in no way should be confused with a compliment.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Although slightly inappropriate, at least he said it in front of your husband. Have you recently lost weight, gotten your hair done a different way or were wearing a new outfit? Just wondering if that brought out a compliment that normally wouldn't be given.

I would make sure to NOT be alone with him, and if he makes any other overtures or comments I would tell him that he was making me uncomfortable with his flattery, to go compliment his wife instead, and walk away.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

In my mind it would also depend on the guy. Some guys have a history of being inappropriate. They don't seem to be able to self censor. If he's one of those I would just take as him being stupid again. 

If you felt it was more calculated you would quickly shut him down if you simply said, "Look...I think that comment was inappropriate".


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Lila said:


> Was he licking his lips suggestively and rubbing his nipples while telling you you have a nice figure?


Are there guys who actually do this? :scratchhead:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> *Although slightly inappropriate, at least he said it in front of your husband. * Have you recently lost weight, gotten your hair done a different way or were wearing a new outfit? Just wondering if that brought out a compliment that normally wouldn't be given.
> 
> I would make sure to NOT be alone with him, and if he makes any other overtures or comments I would tell him that he was making me uncomfortable with his flattery, to go compliment his wife instead, and walk away.


Really good point here. If this was a private comment then it would way inappropriate and creepy.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Lila said:


> LOL, God I hope not. I was hoping the  showed the sarcasm intended with that portion of my post.


It did...the visual just had me falling out of my chair laughing though.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Guess I would find it non offensive. I recently went out with my guy friends and they went on a bit about my GF. Found it a compliment to be honest but that's me I guess


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

OP it doesn't seem to really cross a line to me, I know Mr H likes it when other men compliment me and as long as it is within my boundaries then all good.

I currently have a situation going on that is so way over the line that it has really upset me. One of my collegues said to another, in my presence and two others that he caught the flu he has from me "it was her, the good looking one, she gave me the flu when we were making passionate love in the kitchen at work"  Sooooooo very inappropriate and upsetting. 

It was offensive to me and has upset both Mr H and I. Yours was a compliment, mine is sexual harassment, quite different events.


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

Holland said:


> OP it doesn't seem to really cross a line to me, I know Mr H likes it when other men compliment me and as long as it is within my boundaries then all good.
> 
> I currently have a situation going on that is so way over the line that it has really upset me. One of my collegues said to another, in my presence and two others that he caught the flu he has from me "it was her, the good looking one, she gave me the flu when we were making passionate love in the kitchen at work"  Sooooooo very inappropriate and upsetting.
> 
> It was offensive to me and has upset both Mr H and I. Yours was a compliment, mine is sexual harassment, quite different events.


So how did you handle it. Did you tell HR?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Stevenj said:


> So how did you handle it. Did you tell HR?


I am at a bit of a loss TBH. No I haven't contacted HR yet. There are two more work days for me until we go on a family holiday for a couple of weeks, my thinking is to keep my distance but if he says anything like that again I will have a response rehearsed. I am inclined to try and cut him off at the pass, tell him next time how inappropriate comments like this are and see what happens before taking it higher.
There were a few minor comments, incidents over the last month or so but this has escalated too far now.

How on Earth do people think it is OK to say something like that?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

funnybunny29 said:


> One of my husband's friend commented that I have a nice figure and then told my husband not to leave me along in a room with him. My husband just laughed it off but I felt his comment was inappropriate. Am I overreacting? How would you feel if one of your friends said that to your wife?


:scratchhead:

If it's a friend I'll take it as a compliment, if it's not a friend I'll be in his face unless wife stops me.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I'm surprised so many don't think this is a big deal. None of my friends would ever talk to my wife this way. They know better. In general we don't talk about the appearance of our spouses. The topic is considered off limits. Sure, we'll make comments like, "you're a lucky man" or something like that but we never go into details or specifics. We certainly don't make flirty comments either.

Honestly if I acted that way towards any of my friends wives I would lose a friend, and maybe even get punched in the face. They would expect the same from me. Its just our code. Our thought process on this is different than most on this thread. Perhaps this is just the culture of my southern upbringing. Interesting.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Are there guys who actually do this? :scratchhead:


Works 60% of the time ... every time.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

That's a feeler by an idiot. I would not let that camels nose under my families tent again. 

I would say "awkward comment. if I ever hear that again Ill shoot you in the ****. Didnt your mom tell you making comments about a married woman is tacky and rude or was she too busy sucking **** at the ***** house. Here is your coat, Have a good night." :rofl:


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

YupItsMe said:


> That's a feeler by an idiot. I would not let that camels nose under my families tent again.
> 
> I would say "awkward comment. if I ever hear that again Ill shoot you in the ****. Didnt your mom tell you making comments about a married woman is tacky and rude or was she too busy sucking **** at the ***** house. Here is your coat, Have a good night." :rofl:


I like your blunt response. I was starting to think I'm the only one that saw it this way. I mean that is my _wife_ you're talking about. My WIFE!!! There is just a whole other level of respect that should be there if you're really my friend.

Come to think of it my wife and I actually dropped one set of friends for something that wasn't even as bad as this. We were over at a couple's house for a cookout and the male host at one point mentioned that he preferred dark meat with a smile while looking at my wife. It was subtle but we were offended. I didn't want to cause a scene so I let it go. But we never hung out with that couple again. 

I'm not a complete stick in the mud. Conversation and joking around is cool. But anything flirty with sexual innuendo is off limits.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

I make friends easily so I don't need to hold on to a ****ty one. If I discover a friend lacks integrity or judgment I drop them like a bad habit. I'm not subtle about it. Standards are high and no apologies. I don't support bad decisions even if they are friends.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

"Not worried. Youve got about as good a chance with her as you do with me"
OPs husbands reply to his friend after friend makes that comment to OP

(Just wingin' it tonight.  )


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> Guess I would find it non offensive. I recently went out with my guy friends and they went on a bit about my GF. Found it a compliment to be honest but that's me I guess


How long have you lived with your GF and do you have kids together?


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Ninth commandment 

Thou shalt not covet they neighbors wife nor float feelers toward her to see if she is responsive or receptive to violating a few other commandments nor make tacky ignorant sexist objectifying compliments about her appearance or some such

LOL


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## Seawolf (Oct 10, 2011)

funnybunny29 said:


> One of my husband's friend commented that I have a nice figure and then told my husband not to leave me along in a room with him. My husband just laughed it off but I felt his comment was inappropriate. Am I overreacting? How would you feel if one of your friends said that to your wife?


My response: good idea, I'd hate to have to kill you


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Guess I would find it non offensive. I recently went out with my guy friends and they went on a bit about my GF. Found it a compliment to be honest but that's me I guess


What exactly did they say about her?

Was their comment as creepy as the guy's comment in OP? 

There are different levels of what's inappropriate. That's why you didn't make a big deal out of it , I guess.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I had a good friend who was just totally off the wall and the last thing he would do is do anything to hurt either me or my wife and one night he came over and brought this half of a ham that he had no room for in his freezer and gave to us.

My wife asked him how much she owed him and he said, "got any pictures of you naked?" she said "Noooooooooo" and he said, "Wanna buy some?" and she almost pissed her pants from laughing.

Now it all depends on whose saying what. With my buddy, I knew him most of my life and knew he was always joking around and that was his personality and no one took him serious especially my wife. To her, he was flat out nuts and a good guy.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

he is testing your boundries...there was more to that remark than just a stab at humor

its not your husbands place to set YOUR boundries, its your place...and you could have done it nicely

"dont leave me alone in a room with her"
"why?? my husband has NOTHING to worry about, especially with you" 

Or, just take a long look at him and say, nah, no thanks

you didnt set your boundries...he will probably test them again...maybe he just wants to kid around with a cool chick who can be one of the guys, maybe he wants to shag you rotten...either way, I personally dont like it...the nice figure remark is fine, Ive even told friends wives they looked hot when all dressed up, but have never nor would I make a suggestive remark that I would pork em if alone with them

he was out of line and you left the door slightly ajar, close it next time


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