# Highschool sweethearts, falling out of love with my husband?



## Sunshine365 (6 mo ago)

My husband and I have been together since we were 17. We had troubles even early on, he was very jealous and could be emotionally abusive and sometimes even physical. But young and in love. He joined the military and we stuck through it. He became very jealous and would get drunk and go out with friends, but I never really got the college experience because he hated if I went out and it just made it not worth it for me. He went thru alot being in the military, which I cannot fault him for, and we had some rough patches. Again, emotional and some physical abuse, anger issues. But again, stuck by him. Fast forward we've been together almost 19 years now with two kids. Marriage has been super strong, he's my best friend and I know he loves me. He's always done things I don't agree with or rub me the wrong way, but I'm a people pleaser and let things go.so we don't fight. I don't say what I want and just appease him. Whenever an issue comes.up I just walk in egg shells and try not to piss him off more.
It feels like all our decisions are what he wants and focus on his interests. We do things he likes to do, like focusing on hunting and camping and he wants to live in the woods away from people. We literally just moved across the country, because he wanted to, not that I am not happy we moved, but he initiated the idea. He's never happy in his job and always wants to move on. He has a terrible temper and can be short with me and the kids. Sometimes I hate how he deals with them. 
Anyways! I'm venting. Long story short, we've moved to a new state and he recently let out the fantasy of watching me have sex with another guy. We toyed with the idea seriously and it made me really start thinking about it. Then all of the sudden he got upset because I was showing genuine interest, and was worried I'd leave him. I do not want to cheat.on him, I love and respect him enough to not to that. But this has made me start thinking, am I fulfilled and genuinely happy in my marriage? The idea of flirting and dating and being with other guys genuinely interests me. I feel like I missed out on dating and that stage of my life because I've been with him since I was so young. 
Am I out growing my.marriage? I've realized I love my husband and he's my best friend, but our marriage feels like being best friends with benefits. Sex has been good and bad,.for years it was my end not interested, but recently we're fine. But it's just not exciting or satisfying for me. I don't find him very attractive anymore, his personality irritates me, he doesn't show any affection at all, and I've realized I just let it go because he's what I'm used to and content with. Is that enough to make a happy marriage? Am I just craving attention from other guys because I'm not getting what I need from my husband? I'm extremely confused and upset and terrified. I just needed to vent and ask for any advice. Thanks!


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

I think you are tired of being a second class citizen in your own marriage & always doing things his way. You love him but you aren't crazy about the way he treats you & after 2 decades that is starting to grate on you. 

I'd introduce a small change for you. Do something you like because you want to regardless of what he thinks. By small I mean cook a meal that he's not crazy about; wear some jewelry or clothing he doesn't love (not flashy, overtly sexy just not his cup of tea. For example my husband like solid colors but I prefer prints so I wear prints. In my shoes you'd wear solids because it is his preference. So I'm encouraging you to wear a print). If he's not already a member encourage him to join the American Legion or VFW & start getting involved with them. You will meet the wives & SOs so you can make friends. He'll be comfortable because everyone is military. Then you will have somebody to talk to & eventually may be able to work up to them encouraging him to get help or MC.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Wow.

He is mental and really needs help. It doesn’t sound like you would be safe if you try to leave. You need to talk with a local women’s shelter for so help and guidance.

Never let him hit you again.

Do you have family you can visit or stay with?

Do you have a job?

I am curious if asking you to **** other guys in front of him was a test to see your reaction.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Yes, romance and lovemaking would regain that missing spark;
if you coupled with other worthy men.

But, only after divorce.

Life after divorce will then get more difficult in other respects.

There are always trade-offs.

May every good person meet their worthy partner!


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

If this man is your best friend, you need more friends. He has been physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive to you. You have to walk on eggshells to avoid angering him, yet it still happens. He’s not angry because of you. He’s angry all by himself. He’s never satisfied and keeps moving you around on his happiness seeking journey. Now he’s asked you to have sex with another man, so he can watch, as if you are his possession.

I’m sorry to say this, but I believe you have been brainwashed somehow to believe that you are the problem. Your waning love for him is not because there is something wrong with you, it’s because something is wrong with him. The reason it’s coming up now, is because he has given you the idea that you might actually have choices other than him.

Do not cheat. Not only is it wrong on many levels, but he might kill you.

I understand that this is hard to recognize, because you’ve been manipulated and controlled by an angry, scary man for most of your life, but it’s time for you to start learning what is and is not okay.

I recommend that you play it safe and keep your eyes down while you figure out how you’re going to escape from this madman.

@EleGirl, do you have any recommendations for her?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Out of curiosity, why are you posting the exact same starting post as your other thread?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Seek counseling for yourself. You have described an abusive, unstable man who is playing mind games with your head. He has to have control and you have learned to dance his dance. Time to value yourself and realize you deserve to be treated better.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

So your other thread was titled "Attraction flizzing out?" 
Well, after reading THIS thread, it's like no sh-t! 

Wow! 

I'm sorry, but I see all the signs of a broken woman here. Please seek counselling.


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