# Aging taking a toll in bedroom



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Okay, as I age - turn 62 later this year - I've noticed it takes more "inspiration" to get hard and stay hard in the bedroom. I have ED and the little blue pill does work. But I still need more physical stimulation and now some mental stimulation. I sometimes have to whisper stores in pillow chat during foreplay with my wife. Usually fantasies that involve her or me or both of us with other people. Am I alone in this? Or do you guys also find yourself needing more to get revved up? My wife enjoys the stories, but she seldom adds details other than a setting like a secluded beach, which is fine. Do you have advice on how to best keep the fires burning? I worry how age 65, 70, 75 etc. will be. Thanks in advance.

Oh, and happy Father’s Day if that applies


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Okay, as I age - turn 62 later this year - I've noticed it takes more "inspiration" to get hard and stay hard in the bedroom. I have ED and the little blue pill does work. But I still need more physical stimulation and now some mental stimulation. I sometimes have to whisper stores in pillow chat during foreplay with my wife. Usually fantasies that involve her or me or both of us with other people. Am I alone in this? Or do you guys also find yourself needing more to get revved up? My wife enjoys the stories, but she seldom adds details other than a setting like a secluded beach, which is fine. Do you have advice on how to best keep the fires burning? I worry how age 65, 70, 75 etc. will be. Thanks in advance.
> 
> Oh, and happy Father’s Day if that applies


I'm about a decade younger, but I've always assumed that as I got older and had penile dysfunction, that I would adapt to more cuddle time and manual stimulation.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

jonty30 said:


> I'm about a decade younger, but I've always assumed that as I got older and had penile dysfunction, that I would adapt to more cuddle time and manual stimulation.


Thanks. Those seem to help.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'm about 5 years older, and those same issues apply. We seldom talk fantasies, but now is when a wife who often initiates and enjoys mutual foreplay really helps keep things going as the years pass. IMO, occasional erotica or porn can also help jump start a session when the mood doesn't come spontaneously.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Few older men will brave these rough waters that you are inviting them onto.

With them on their TAM boards, openly riding atop the building waves, stark naked, for all to see.

Those that do comment _positively_, are healthier than most, lucky as hell, or shriveled, lying boners.

Hmm.




_Gwendolyn-_


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Married but Happy said:


> I'm about 5 years older, and those same issues apply. We seldom talk fantasies, but now is when a wife who often initiates and enjoys mutual foreplay really helps keep things going as the years pass. IMO, occasional erotica or porn can also help jump start a session when the mood doesn't come spontaneously.


She seldom will initiate, but is a willing partner at times. That helps. She's not a big fan of porn, limits that to twice a year, so i choose movies wisely, lol


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I'm about a decade younger but do notice some lack of my soldier standing at full attention if the wife is not into it. I typically wake up with an erection (yeah that still happens as I guess I am "young" enough") but if the wife isn't responsive or isn't touching, talking, or acting interested back, I will loose my full strength along the way. Many times that "morning wood" gues unused.

If initiate later in the day, its pretty much the same thing. I can be ready but if it takes more than 15-20 minutes of foreplay and she isn't touching back or anything, I fade.

Not saying its HER fault of course but I do notice the times she shows some interest certainly helps. Maybe thats normal? Once we get started I am OK to finish but if there isn't reciprocal interest its tough to keep it going.

I have also used a **** ring occasionally with some very good results. There is one drawback that might be a little TMI to share but lets just say when you cum, you REALLY cum!


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

we need a tee shirt for this club


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

OK 73 here. One myth is that viagra produces an instant erection. If you read the directions it recommends about 1/2 to 1 hour of mental or physical foreplay prior to sex.

**** rings are great.

Reliving in your mind some of the best sexual experiences of your life while the minute tick by. Then starting foreplay with your spouse to provide you with mental stimulation, works for me.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Do you have advice on how to best keep the fires burning? I worry how age 65, 70, 75 etc. will be.


I'm 58 and so far everything is functioning fine physically (knock on Woody!) But I can tell that things are not the same as even a handful of years ago.  Not just in erectile capacity but in my overall libido and attitudes and values etc toward sexuality in general. 

To be frank, some of those changes I think are positive. And some not so much. 

While I wish I had some glamorous and sexy advice like some kind of herbal formula or secret elixer or magic sexual technique that makes everything work like a 21 year old,,,, the truth is that the primary key to sexual functioning is probably general health and condition. 

So instead of secret herbal elixers from the orient, the most important things are probably things like cutting out nicotine (a vasoconstrictor) and cutting out alcohol (which can give 19 year olds limpys), Getting good exercise to keep the vascular system open and flowing well. 

Porn and spanking can be a double edge sword. If you do have an active and consistent love life, it would probably be best to not spank and let the tank and the energies build up. 

But on the other hand, woodies can be a bit of a use-it-or-lose-it type thing and it is good to get those blood vessels open and the pipes flushed out somewhat regularly. I don't know what the manufacturer recommended drain-and-flush interval is but off the top of my head, I would say a good weekly flushing of the pipes whether that be through partnered sex or or DIY will help keep things working. 

In speaking of porn, I know some will disagree with me on moral and religious grounds, but I think porn can have it's place if used together as a couple and isn't one person wasting their energies alone in the shadows. It can be extra stimulation and motivation if watched together while getting things warmed up or playing in the background. There is even a whole genre of amateur and homemade porn that is geared towards regular mature people with love handles, stretchmarks and receding hairlines. I personally think it can be healthy to see mature people having an enjoyable, sex-positive attitude and remaining sexually active at all life stages and to show there is no expiration date on erotic pleasure and connection. You will have to follow your own moral compass on that one. 

And finally I think one of the biggest things we can do as get on in the years is to keep an open mind and be willing to change and adapt on what we think "sex" is and to be willing to shift our attitudes and beliefs so that we are not so penis and PIV-centric in our sexualities. 

PIV is one single act and the realm of sexuality is an entire galaxy of thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and activities. To put it bluntly, if your entire sexual repetoire is centered around getting a hard penis and sticking it into your partner's vagina, both of you are going to be very disappointed and frustrated. The day will come where neither of those things will work. If you allow that to spell the end of your sex life, your sex life will end. 

But if you can learn to shift gears and engage in and enjoy other modalities, Sex and pleasure and eroticism can last to the grave.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> To put it bluntly, if your entire sexual repetoire is centered around getting a hard penis and sticking it into your partner's vagina, both of you are going to be very disappointed and frustrated. The day will come where neither of those things will work. If you allow that to spell the end of your sex life, your sex life will end.
> 
> But if you can learn to shift gears and engage in and enjoy other modalities, Sex and pleasure and eroticism can last to the grave.


Oh, I want to add one more thing to this above. Vaginas and penises are the same tissue and come from the same stem cells. At a certain stage of fetal development hormones cause the male penis to evert and develop externally while other hormones cause the female vagina to continue to develop internally,, but they are the same tissues and function the same physiologically. 

As women go through menopause, they can experience ED at the tissue level and do not reach full engorgement of the vaginal erectile tissues and have atrophy and thinning of the vaginal walls and tissues as well as significantly less moisture and lubrication of vaginal canal. 

This can make PIV very uncomfortable or even painful for the woman. If she isn't able or willing to openly discuss these changes or how to adapt and modify sexual practices and techniques, she may turn off of sex all together and become sex adverse and reject all sexual activities all together and it essentually becomes another sexless marriage and another statistic. 

As we age and go through different life stages, we need to have open communication and be willing to adapt and modify. 

If we continue to think like college kids and try to get it up, get it in and get it off as quickly as possible, we are going to spend the later stages of our lives sexless.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Oh, I want to add one more thing to this above. Vaginas and penises are the same tissue and come from the same stem cells. At a certain stage of fetal development hormones cause the male penis to evert and develop externally while other hormones cause the female vagina to continue to develop internally,, but they are the same tissues and function the same physiologically.
> 
> As women go through menopause, they can experience ED at the tissue level and do not reach full engorgement of the vaginal erectile tissues and have atrophy and thinning of the vaginal walls and tissues as well as significantly less moisture and lubrication of vaginal canal.
> 
> ...


Thank you for the well written and thoughtful advice. Yes, we are adjusting - hello, Astroglide - and do other things than PIV. I’ve told her it’s good we are not in a rut. That would be so boring. Variety is king. We have Adult Movie Night twice a year. She indulges me. But I think she does enjoy some scenes, ;-). Adapting is so important.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Max.HeadRoom said:


> we need a tee shirt for this club


Worn inside out!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Many men want to go down swinging.

Yeah, but,this is not what most men had in mind!


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## Rooster2015 (Jun 12, 2015)

Try Butea Superba. You can order through walmart. You’ll thank me later.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Am I alone in this? Or do you guys also find yourself needing more to get revved up?


No, not alone. Before I started HRT, was beginning to need more to get "revved up". After HRT, hugging the wife can rev things up. 


Longtime Hubby said:


> Do you have advice on how to best keep the fires burning? I worry how age 65, 70, 75 etc. will be.


IMO keeping the fires burning requires both partners to actively keep putting wood on the fire. And the more they stay engaged with one another 24x7, every day of every week, the brighter the fire burns. Never let the sun set angry with one another. And I am not just talking about sex. We like one another. We like being together and doing things together. Like working on a jigsaw puzzle. Or pulling weeds. Jogging together. Shoppng for groceries together. Reading the bible together. Talking, walking, holding hands, going out for lunch. None of those activities has anything to do with intimacy, but it keeps us close with one another,. talking, holding hands.

And I honestly believe that the more a couple engages in intimacy with one another, the more they want to engage. If a couple neglects that, it is easy to fall into a pattern where they are together less and less. As we age and have more health problems, aches and pains, it is easy to just blame it on age and acquiesce to letting the fire die down and eventually extinguish. So we make an effort to be intimate with one another every day. I know people cringe at scheduling sex, but it has worked for us for a very long time. These days, our time is 4-5 in the afternoon, illness and appointments not intervening. And when we wake in the morning, we have a routine if we don't have other activities scheduled. We both have an expectation, and anticipate being together. So make time for intimacy IMO is key.

Finally, don' t worry about what is coming down the road. We never know when today is our last on this planet. Enjoy the time you have today. Worrying, especially about your performance can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ask me how I know. I have passed the three milestones you mention. No issues so far, I will meet whatever comes in a month, or year or decade when the time comes.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Worn inside out!


so true, just my way of saying that i can relate.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

51 and no issues yet but I'm taking what's being discussed in.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> 51 and no issues yet but I'm taking what's being discussed in.


My kids are older than you!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Rus47 said:


> My kids are older than you!


Well damn!😉


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Just another thought I would throw in is to stay as *active* and fit as you can manage. I am no Charles Atlas ( that shows how old I am), but exercise every day, avoid junk food, keep the BMI on low side of normal. Quit smoking decades ago. @Longtime Hubby if you have any habits that would affect your overall health, do what you can to lose them.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

No, you're not alone. 67 here and have the same issues except the blue pills do not work for me. We're still having sex 2-3 times each week. I agree with @Rus47 that it is important to exercise. I'm in the gym three day a week, 5 days in the winter. Hardcore porn is also a no go for us but the wife does enjoy the "hard R" type movies so I went on Ebay and bought all of the Red Shoe Diaries DVDs and some mainstream movies like "9 1/2 Weeks, Wild Orchid, and Body Heat. We never get to see the entire movie. We get out a lot and spend at least one night (or afternoon) each month in a hotel. We have recently reintroduced role playing into our life and do that about once every couple of months. Summertime holidays are especially fun. We have a pool and lots of privacy so the holidays are spent poolside, wearing very little and spending the entire day playing and napping. Had sex three times on Memorial Day. (Already looking forward to the 4th of July.  I think the key is to take care of yourself and to get a little more creative to keep things fresh.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> 51 and no issues yet but I'm taking what's being discussed in.


I'll be 60 in a few months. So far so good, all the plumbing still works phenomenally. 

I do stay active, exercise, eat well. I have high hopes for the future. That said medically we're all a phone call away from a dr that could bring unexpected grief. 

So my advice is appreciate every day as a gift.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I'm about a decade younger but do notice some lack of my soldier standing at full attention if the wife is not into it. I typically wake up with an erection (yeah that still happens as I guess I am "young" enough") but if the wife isn't responsive or isn't touching, talking, or acting interested back, I will loose my full strength along the way. Many times that "morning wood" gues unused.
> 
> If initiate later in the day, its pretty much the same thing. I can be ready but if it takes more than 15-20 minutes of foreplay and she isn't touching back or anything, I fade.
> 
> ...


Ring a good idea. And, yes, a more enthusiastic partner helps a lot


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Rus47 said:


> Just another thought I would throw in is to stay as *active* and fit as you can manage. I am no Charles Atlas ( that shows how old I am), but exercise every day, avoid junk food, keep the BMI on low side of normal. Quit smoking decades ago. @Longtime Hubby if you have any habits that would affect your overall health, do what you can to lose them.


I exercise daily


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Young at Heart said:


> OK 73 here. One myth is that viagra produces an instant erection. If you read the directions it recommends about 1/2 to 1 hour of mental or physical foreplay prior to sex.
> 
> **** rings are great.
> 
> Reliving in your mind some of the best sexual experiences of your life while the minute tick by. Then starting foreplay with your spouse to provide you with mental stimulation, works for me.


On the blue pill 4 years. Yep, need the prelim time. No instant hard. Thanks for advice


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> On the blue pill 4 years. Yep, need the prelim time. No instant hard. Thanks for advice


Daily cialis 5mg worked for me better than viagra. But since HRT need no help from either. I dont have any blood flow problems


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> appreciate every day as a gift.


Every day feels like a gift.😉


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## Alittlelost57 (May 8, 2019)

About to turn 65 and everything works well enough, though I notice some changes, like taking a minute to get ready and mainly that it takes a while and sometimes greater stimulation for me to finish. Staying fit helps. A willing and usually quite enthusiastic partner helps. Masturbating less also helps. I think the reason I take a while comes from playing solo too often. Way into too much info territory, but if I go several days in a row on my own, I'm pretty much abusing myself by the 2nd, 3rd day. That can make sex relatively less stimulating. If I show a little restraint the beginning and the ending both seem more natural.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

SunCMars said:


> Few older men will brave these rough waters that you are inviting them onto.
> 
> With them on their TAM boards, openly riding atop the building waves, stark naked, for all to see.
> 
> ...


I'll brave those waters.

I have notable issues since doing chemo for colon cancer. The pills don't work reliably yet. It still works, but not like it used to. One of the chemo agents is very toxic to the nervous system. After each round, I couldn't touch or drink anything cool for a week (that typically lasts a few days). After the last of eight rounds (six months) I had chronic neuropathy. The other symptoms are tingling feet and numbness in my fingertips. Also I have some general weakness and fatigue, and bathroom issues.

Yes it sucks, but it is what it is. Any lady I date (I'm currently single) will have to be understanding of that. Based on my experience in the two years since finishing treatment, some will be turned off by my limitations and some are very accepting. It bears repeating that ladies are looking at the whole package and enough of them like what they see.

My life is good otherwise - great job, friends / family, can enjoy myself now that my kiddo is older and more independent - this matters a great deal. I've survived the passing of my eldest child, my divorce, and rebuilding my career after a long layoff. I am very likely to beat this 2.5 years in; I'll get past the side effects and be happy just like before.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

DTO said:


> I'll brave those waters.
> 
> I've had issues since undergoing chemo for colon cancer. Even those pills don't work reliably and they might never. It still works, but not like it used to. In layman's terms, the chemo used for colon cancer is very toxic to the nervous system. After each round, I couldn't touch or drink anything cool for a week (that typically lasts for a few days, don't know why it affected me more). And after the full 8 rounds (six months) I had chronic neuropathy. The other obvious symptoms are tingling feet and numbness in my fingertips, some general weakness and fatigue still, and bathroom issues.
> 
> Yes it sucks, but it is what it is. Any lady I date (I'm currently single) will have to be understanding of that. Based on my (admittedly limited) experience in the two years since I finished treatment, some will be turned off by my needs / limitations and some will happily work within them. My life is good otherwise - great job, friends and family, have the time to go do for myself now that my kiddo is older and more independent; no doubt this contributes to my good outlook. I've survived the passing of my eldest child, my divorce, having to rebuild my career after a long layoff, and am likely to survive cancer long-term. I'll get past the side effects and be happy just like I've done before.


Man, you have been through a lot. Here is to you and your recovery!!!


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Has anyone had success modulating HRT ? As in slowing things down? 

For me, the blood numbers seemed to take quite awhile to stabilize after changing injection amount and/or frequency. Am due for next appointment in a few weeks and contemplating trying to reduce from 150 to 100 mg with the doctor's approval. I always like to use minimum needed medication of any kind.

I would be OK if libido tapered off some. But, I don't want to lose ground gained already.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Man, you have been through a lot. Here is to you and your recovery!!!


I don't dwell on it, but you're right. The roughest of those - easily - was the three years my son battled cancer; I was the one who did all his medical appointments, a good chunk of his hospital stays, paperwork, referrals, etc. and stayed up with him when sick at home, all while holding down a FT job and still being there for my family.

Now if you read my other stuff and say "he seems kinda harsh" you know why I don't really accept the excuses of "it's too hard" or "there isn't time".


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Okay, Viagra does not cause erections. It opens up the blood vessels that supply blood to the erection, but the arousal comes from elsewhere.

I think that what the OP describes is from low testosterone. The chemical dance that goes on in our bodies is complex and simple HRT may or may not work. 

I will be discussing this with my urologist. 

Look up videos on Sex Hormone Binding Globulin. Testosterone cannot be carried in the blood so it is transported by SHBG. SHBG does not like to give up testosterone.

The reason I am not sure about HRT is that my testosterone recently went up 30%, but my SHBG went up 25% and out of the normal range while my bio available testosterone remains below normal. Would HRT just cause the SHBG to increase to lock up the additional testosterone? Dunno.

I am 77 years old, randy as hell, but think I'm at about half libido as I need to think for a few seconds some of the time and have involuntary erections another part of the time. I am looking at this from the viewpoint of someone who has been temporarily castrate and experienced how things operate.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

DTO said:


> I'll brave those waters.
> 
> I have notable issues since doing chemo for colon cancer. The pills don't work reliably yet. It still works, but not like it used to. One of the chemo agents is very toxic to the nervous system. After each round, I couldn't touch or drink anything cool for a week (that typically lasts a few days). After the last of eight rounds (six months) I had chronic neuropathy. The other symptoms are tingling feet and numbness in my fingertips. Also I have some general weakness and fatigue, and bathroom issues.
> 
> ...


Good luck and health to you. I had cancer at 42 and again 43-- almost 51 now-- and had intensive radiation along with a couple rounds of chemo. The chemo is definitely a powerful, and often destructive thing. They hype is real, but I would never fully understand if i hadnt gone through a couple rounds myself.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I'm a senior citizen now and ever since I greatly upped my excersize level around 2015, I haven't had any problems.
Last time I had a disfunction with my wife was around 2014.
Prior to that, and even as a young tyke in my 30s and 40s I would have occasional problems.
Wasn't in very good shape.
At least for me, vigorous, really vigorous excersize is the key.


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