# Owned, in a bad way...



## sapphire (Jul 6, 2008)

Hello!
I am about to lose my mind...
I married my husband back in 2002, on NYE. We had, what I thought was the perfect relationship (knew one another for over 22 years)...little did I know.

He used me to get his daughter from his first marriage back in his home. Things were okay for the first few months but then all hell broke loose. She would never help out in the home or keep her room clean. She talked back to me , told me off and he pretty much did the same. He always took her side , no matter what. 

It has now been almost 8 years of marriage and she is now in her third year of University (thank God). However, the hell that was unleashed in our marriage over the years, has only turned (H) and I against one another to the point that we now live separate lives and have for the past 3 years, including separate bedrooms.
I work 7 days a week with my cleaning business and also have a full time job as a detailer for a local dealership.
We have never done anything together since we were married, no honeymoon, no holidays- nothing. He has and still does accuse me of seeing other men...(fat chance). He wont fix anything with regards to our home (which is in dire need of curb appeal, reno, etc). He spends all his time with his work buds, playing games on the pc, smoking pot etc....
He stays up late when I am in bed sleeping and sleeps all day while I am at work. 
He only comes to me for sex and when I ignore his requests, being that he ignores mine, he flips out.
We are never home together at the same time and when we are, I`m in my room and he is in the pc room or out in the back yard . He has ignored my birthday for the past 7 years, and our anniversary.
He even flipped out on me after my fathers funeral 2 years ago.

I am ready to walk away from this marriage. 
He wont talk to me and when he does, we fight.
He tells me I am not allowed nice things and says I spend my money on foolish things, like furniture for the house, a nice car (09 Pontiac G8) while he has a motorcycle, boat, charger R/T , Blazer,etc.

He treats his daughter like a wife, and me like the child. 
This is not what I signed up for when I said "I DO".
By the way, he is 44 and I am 41.

Should I just go on my way and leave this life behind?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

it certainly sounds like things are bad. have you really had no good times in the last few years? maybe you two could try counseling?


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Why did you wait so long to make that decision??? YES!!! Get the heck out of there!!! Find someone that will love you as you deserve! This idiot can't! Get out! Get out!


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I also have a stepdaughter that my husband treats like a queen, like she can do no wrong and needs all his attention, his money, and his love. It sounds like your problems are building, and have just become a bad habit. Does your husband even want to change or have a happy marriage with a wife that is present? Not talking or seeing each other can't possibly strengthen any marriage. Take small steps. Talk to him. Go on a date.


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## sapphire (Jul 6, 2008)

Blanca said:


> it certainly sounds like things are bad. have you really had no good times in the last few years? maybe you two could try counseling?



Blanca, Yes we did have good times over the years- before we were married, which is why I married him. Thats what I miss the most and want so desperately. His daughter is a spoiled little "B" and gets her way no matter what. She drove the iron between us and he just dug it in further each time.


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## sapphire (Jul 6, 2008)

dcrim said:


> Why did you wait so long to make that decision??? YES!!! Get the heck out of there!!! Find someone that will love you as you deserve! This idiot can't! Get out! Get out!


dc, I know what I should do but doing it right now is almost impossible. He wont even reply to my emails being that we can`t talk face to face. I tried having Friday evening to ourselves since she was out at a social, but instead he drove her there then stayed at one of his buddies place until he had to pick her up.
It`s always been everything for her and nothing for me. 
I`m starting to work more and spend later hours out at work to make some extra cash so I can pay down the line of credit to get out of here. I really need my own place.


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## sapphire (Jul 6, 2008)

Sensitive said:


> I also have a stepdaughter that my husband treats like a queen, like she can do no wrong and needs all his attention, his money, and his love. It sounds like your problems are building, and have just become a bad habit. Does your husband even want to change or have a happy marriage with a wife that is present? Not talking or seeing each other can't possibly strengthen any marriage. Take small steps. Talk to him. Go on a date.


Sensitive...I pity you also! I have been strong through most of this and just turned the other cheek etc, but after years of this- it finally gets to you. Sleeping patterns are worse than they ever were and I`m usually worn out from the long hours at work 7 days a week. His idea of changing is waiting until we are retired and I said like hell!!!!!! I plan on being out of his life completely in the next 6-8 months. Dont worry, I do make good money but also have a lot of debt due to this marriage and my own two kids ages (22 & 18) whom I helped through University and still am doing with my daughter. Their father disappeared when my oldest was 12.
My own father taught us to always hold our heads up, even in the worst of times and that I doing.... but now I`m slowly starting to bow my head. I wish he was still here to guide me through this.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Don't you bow that head, girl!  (That's your Daddy talkin...:smthumbup


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