# I am at a loss now...3 months of fighting to fix her mistake but now ready to give up



## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

I apologize in advance for the long post but I feel all the details are needed. This is all incredibly hard for me and I just cant seem to get past this. Excuse my language as well....the names are made up for the sake of clarity in reading this post. 

I need help.

Married my wife exactly 3 years ago, she has two kids that I love as my own. Things were always great in the bedroom and other than normal life issues with work, money ect….we get along well.. This last year has been rougher than most and we did drift apart a little but I never expected her to cheat on me. As I uncovered more and more details things just get more and more confusing and hurtful.

So last September my wife went to NY to visit her sick mother. While she was there she told me she had lunch with an old friend and I thought nothing of it. She was supposed to be there just one week but on the Saturday she was to fly back home, she was taken to the ER for a panic attack but turns out she suffered a mild heart attack. She was treated and released a few days later and I booked her a 1st class direct flight back home. During her stay in the hospital I was on stand by ready to drive the 21 hour trip to pick her up myself but she told me to sit tight and wait for the clearance to fly from the docs. She came home a few days later and was very distant and quiet. She DID tell me she wanted to reconnect with me but other than that we never got a chance to really talk. I figured between seeing her sick mother, her own recent health issue she needed the recovery time. Over the next couple of weeks I noticed she was texting and taking phone calls allot more than usual. She told me it was one of her old girlfriends from NY.

A few weeks later in mid October, we get into a huge fight and she storms out the house in the middle of cooking dinner. I tried calling her to ask where she was going and she refused to tell me and hung up. Since we all have Iphones I looked up her GPS location and she turned her location sharing off. This raised my red flag so I logged into our cell phone provider website to see if she called a friend or something and that’s when I saw that she called a local number the moment she backed out the garage. I also saw she was talking and texting to TWO different phone numbers over the past month or so. Long conversations till 2am on work nights while I was traveling for busniness and tons of texts through out the day. 

I knew something was up. I Goggled this local number and within seconds I found out this guys name and facebook profile. (lets call him sam) . I called her back asking who the f*#k is this guy and she told me just an old friend she used to work with and was catching up over the past couple of weeks because he’s moving out of state soon. When she got home at 1:30am that night I questioned her. She told me she called him because she was so upset over our fight but she never met with him. She said she went to go sit by the beach alone to think. One thing I did notice before she left the house but did not really pick up on at the time was that she grabbed something out of her dresser, went to the bathroom and then left the house. Turned out she had grabbed a fresh pair of panties. I accused of her seeing this guy, and she invited me to “check her body” for signs of sex but I was so mad I didn’t even want to touch her. Now that I think about it, I never once even accused her of f#*king anyone but she was the one who offered me to check her body for signs of sex. 


I asked her about the other phone number and she told me it was just the old friend she had lunch with while in NY (lets call him paul) and they were simply reconnecting. He was married with two kids of his own. I knew she was not being entirely honest with me about ether one of these two men so I moved myself out my own house the next day and went to stay with my family. We fought like cats and dogs for the next week. She was completely adamant that she was doing NOTHING wrong. Accusing ME of abandoning her and this was my plan all along. That I wanted to find a reason to accuse her of wrongdoing so I had a reason to divorce. She kept saying how she was doing nothing more than talking to two old friends who she’s known for 20 years and neither one of them would ever do anything to harm our marriage. 

After a few weeks of more fighting and her denying that she was doing ANYTHING wrong, we sit down one night and I ask to look in her phone and I discover she was actually sexting paul. The old “girlfriend” she was talking to was actually pauls number programmed her phone under a woman’s name. She of course deleted nearly all of the 2500 plus messages but I eventually found some very BAD nude photos on her phone she thought she deleted. She tried to deny sending the photos but I knew she was lying since the timestamps of when the naked photos were taken match up EXACTLY to what the phone records show a picture message was sent. She tried to tell me that this guy paul always had a crush on her and he was the one initiating the flirting/sexting and she only sent him a half shot of her ass to appease him. While we are actually having this conversation and her phone is in my hand he’s still texting her and sending flirty messages. I dial his number from her phone and when he answered thinking it was her, I let him have it and told him to stay the f*#k away from my wife and I even threated him I was so furious. She tried to downplay the whole thing and said the attention made her feel sexy but pauls advances were making her too uncomfortable and she was “breaking it off with him” She blames me for not paying enough attention to her over the past year but agrees to break off all contact with him at this point and she blocks his number. 

I knew she was still lying and hiding the whole truth so back to good old Google and in a few hours I find this guy, and his wife on Facebook. I message Pauls wife and tell her what I know at this point. She tells me Paul is a habitual cheater and liar and she’s not surprised. A few days later pauls wife emails me back…says she found my wifes dirty selfies hidden in some email account he had and she forwarded them back to me. I confront my wife with this proof and she breaks down crying saying it was all a mistake, she just needed the attention and is sorry. 

A few days later I discover an email written by her to paul just 10 days after she returned from NY asking him to look at flights for him to purchase and how she would have the extra cash to cover the hotel and rental car. She of course denies this and tries to dismiss it as simply “pillow talk” and they were toying with the idea but it would have never happened. 

Despite thinking it was just “sexting” and a few bad photos, despite seeing this email about potential flights back to NY and a hotel she would pay for, I decided to save my marriage and reconcile with her. During one very emotional night, she admits to me that paul was more than just an old friend. He was actually an old boyfriend she dated for about 6 months 20 years ago and the very same man she cheated on her fiancé at the time and got caught in bed with. I was shocked. Not only was this more than just a friend, but also this is a man she had cheated with years ago. She also admitted to me that he did in fact purchase plane tickets for her to go to NY but she was well on the way to breaking off the affair before I found out. I believed her.

I still did not move back home at this point but we began to talk, go on “dates” and we even started sexting each other. The makeup sex we had was amazing and at her suggestion, she even let me do a little fifty shades of gray thing with her one night as a form of “punishment”. I truly believe she was sorry for what she did and wanted to fix it all. Things were on their way to rebuilding our relationship and we were even discovering a new kinky sexual side to each other along with a deeper emotional attachment. 

Till one day in early December, I receive a message from pauls wife again. She tells me she was looking thru her own phone records and text messages and recalls one night back in September when my wife was in NY, paul never came home till 4:30 am. I look at her phone records again and sure enough, on that date, he was the last person she called at 10:30pm and the first person she texted at 5am the next morning. The call pattern that night was short, one or two min calls…the kind of calls you make to someone to say “hey im here now..where are you?” kinda call. This was the last night she was originally supposed to be in NY and the next morning is when she had her heart attack.

Once again, angry and furious, I confronted my wife and asked to her explain…She of course denies it all and says she only had lunch with him and since that was supposed to be the last night she was in NY, she was with her mother very late till 1:30 am. She even said she would prove to me that she was not with him….hours later she sends me a screen shot of a text from a very angry paul saying that they only had lunch and he was working and if I need to see his time slips to ask him. She later admits to me that she called paul and asked him to fabricate that text to show me. 

After doing some more data mining and looking at phone logs and GPS data….I uncover more lies The GPS data showed she was not at the hospital like she said but was actually driving to a local beach at 10:30pm . She FINAILLY admits to me that yes she did indeed see paul that night, met him at around 10:30 and did not get back home till after 3:30 am. She said she spent they night on the beach simply talking but the night did end in a long passionate kiss. She swears it was nothing more. 

I also discover that BEFORE I even had a clue anything was going on, she was researching a new place to live. I asked her about that very first night we had the fight and if she lied about meeting that guy sam and she said she did meet him but nothing happened as he was just a friend supporting her and they just talked. 

I read some old texts from sam to my wife and was heartbroken to see how she threw me under the bus saying those things like how this was ‘my plan’ all along and of course this guy is just nodding his head to agree with her. She was not even being honest with him about what she was doing with paul…she was making herself out to be the victim. 

At this point pauls wife and I are sharing as much info as we can because we both are searching for the truth. My wife says shes committed to regaining my trust so she agrees to give me all her passwords and lets her text messages be forwarded to my iPad. A day or two later I see a long angry text from paul pop up on my ipad to my wife saying how he’s not lying to protect her anymore and he asks her if I know about how he went down on her in the hospital while she was recovering from her heart attack, If I know about the guy she used to work with that she met that night and f#@ked him because he was moving away, if I know about how she asked him to make a fake text about his overnight shift to make me think they didn’t have sex. He says to her how even after 20 years she still lies about everything ect…….

I already knew the truth about the fake text she asked him to send her. She DID tell me that while she was recovering in the hospital paul came to visit her while she was sleeping and she woke up feeling his hand under the sheets and his head in her lap but she claims she pushed him away. I already have my thoughts about that first night she stormed out the house and called that guy sam. I knew all along she was lying about seeing sam that night and she finally admitted it and found it ironic paul mentions how if I knew she “[email protected]#ked him”???

I finally have enough and text paul myself directly and say “if you have something to say to me. call me directly!!” He does the next day. I could tell by his tone he’s scared of me and the stuff he says is just to disarm my anger. He tells me “you don’t know your wife like I do, I’ve known her for 20 years and she just lies about everything, when she got to NY she searched for me and wanted to have lunch and I have a letter she gave me to prove it” He tells me he will send it to me. I didn’t believe him at first but two days later, my phone starts ringing with texts of photos of this letter my wife wrote to him and gave him before she left NY. It was in her handwriting and based on the grammar and style, I knew it was authentic. 

What I read in the letter was truly heartbreaking and goes against the entire narrative she’s been saying for the past 2 months. She admits in the letter how when she arrived in NY she broadcast on her Facebook page how she’s back in NY and was hoping paul would contact her. How it was not an “accident” they met for lunch and how she’s got the same feelings for him she did 20 years ago. How she’s always loved him and she know he loves her, how she’s lived her past 20 years “safe and secure” but with people who don’t truly know her. She wrote how no one has ever touched her soul like he does. How she’s jumped on this train now and does not want to get off and cant say goodbye to him again. She also mentioned how “I let myself go with you last night”. 

Knowing how sexual my wife is and now knowing what kind of guy paul is I’m sure “letting go” was much more than just a passionate kiss. 

So now here we are at this point and she of course can’t deny writing that letter but she says it was just the overflow of emotions she felt that night and was not thinking clearly when she wrote it. She knows paul would never leave his wife and kids for her and the fact they live thousands of miles apart now nothing could ever come of this affair. She admits to me that IF she would have taken those tickets and fly to NY they would have had sex. She even said if she had spent another week in NY they probably would have had sex. She says the distance they had was a safety net. She says she knows now how much I truly love her after showing her how hard I’ve been fighting to save this marriage. She’s sorry and remorseful now for letting herself get caught up with him again. She does not want to let me go and says she willing to do anything to prove she loves me and eventually regain my trust. 

My problem now is I can’t believe a word of it anymore. If they did NOT have sex that night she was in NY how could she be so eager to make plans to see him again? To continue the sexting and send some very dirty photos? To actually go so far as to search out a new place to live even before I had a clue anything was going on? 

Like I mentioned earlier, before I had any proof she was adamant she did nothing wrong and was fighting me, bad mouthing me to all her friends that I abandoned her. Claiming, “I never cheated on you and never would” It was only after I found proof she turned her tone around and now is sorry. 

Was she trying to make me jealous? Did she really get caught up in this emotional thing and was so weak and let this guy back into her life like she says? Or does she really love him after all these years and living the past 20 year as a lie to herself and me? 

I told her at this point it does not matter to me if she had sex with paul that night in NY (which I believe in my gut she did!!). It does not even matter to me if she even had sex with sam (which I don’t think so but anything is possible at this point) 

What matters to me is how she tried to cover her lies over and over and after now seeing her love letter to him the whole thing goes so much deeper than a simple momentary lack of judgment and some racy photos. 

I still love her. If she were honest with me from the start I would have found a way to forgive her and move on. To learn the whole truth of HOW, the WHY and what probably REALLY happened is too much and I’m just lost now what to do. The thoughts and images in my mind keep playing over and over, I've been so depressed and not eating...my work is suffering. I know in my logical mind I should be getting a lawyer and filing for divorce but in my heart I can't give up and I hate it. 

Reading that letter she wrote to him, learning how she was already looking to move out before I found out about her affair changed everything for me. But she won't let me give up..she swears she knows how much I love her and she loves me and swears she's sorry and remorseful for her mistake. 

Thoughts? ideas? concerns? Someone want to slap me across the face to wake the f up and walk away from this??


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

Counseling or divorce!


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Does she have a job? She likes the financial security you provide.

Three years married? I've had food in my fridge longer than that.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

NoTowels said:


> I decided to save my marriage and reconcile with her.


Well this is the problem right here. 

Saving the marriage and reconciling was never your decision to make.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Sadly your wife is not just a liar but also a serial cheater.......right now you can't believe anything she says...so what you need is first and foremost the truth, to get that you should tell her that she needs to take a polygraph...you need to ask her if she has had sex out side your marriage and how many... start there...with fact in hand then make a decision but with all her liars you can't make heads or tail...but i woudl also sit her down and write everything down...and i mean everything...Sam...paul....anyone else


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

If this is real, then divorce her and find someone new. Way too many single, awesome women out there to deal with this CRAP!


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

jimrich said:


> Counseling or divorce!


She has agreed to that..Not sure I believe it it but its worth a shot. 



blueinbr said:


> Does she have a job? She likes the financial security you provide.
> She does but does not make nearly enough to continue living the way we do now...
> Three years married? I've had food in my fridge longer than that.


3 years...6 total? Short term I know. Remind me never to have leftovers at your place 


browser said:


> Well this is the problem right here.
> What do you mean??
> Saving the marriage and reconciling was never your decision to make.


What do YOU mean? is this not my choice to fix it or walk away??


Xenote said:


> Sadly your wife is not just a liar but also a serial cheater.......right now you can't believe anything she says...so what you need is first and foremost the truth, to get that you should tell her that she needs to take a polygraph...you need to ask her if she has had sex out side your marriage and how many... start there...with fact in hand then make a decision but with all her liars you can't make heads or tail...but i woudl also sit her down and write everything down...and i mean everything...Sam...paul....anyone else


I don't know if id go so far as to say a serial cheater but yes...shes done this in the past with the same guy. I honestly believe in my heart she's never done anything like this before, at least not with me, but at this point everything I thought I knew was wrong. Ive asked her those exact questions and she swears she never did anything like this before..my radar says to believe her too. Never saw any signs before of her cheating and I tend to have a pretty good sense of awareness. I knew the moment she got back from NY something was up when I saw how frequent she was texting and taking calls..I just didn't think it was to this extent.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Take your radar into the shop. It needs repair. 

What was she doing the 14 years between NY guy and you?

Honestly believe and honestly WANT TO believe are not the same thing.


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## Popcorn2015 (Sep 10, 2015)

NoTowels said:


> Married my wife exactly 3 years ago, she has two kids that I love as my own.


How old is she? How old are you? Do you have any kids from previous relationships? Do you two have any kids together?

Apologies in advance for these next two questions: How many women had you slept with before her? How many men do you think she slept with before you?


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Take your radar into the shop. It needs repair.
> 
> What was she doing the 14 years between NY guy and you?
> 
> Honestly believe and honestly WANT TO believe are not the same thing.


She was in a long term relationship with her kids father...he was abusive to her, stole..ect..., she was in a few other long terms but nothing ever as serious as us...Im the first person she actually married.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What is your age and hers? Did you have any relationships before her?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

"Ive asked her those exact questions and she swears she never did anything like this before..my radar says to believe her too. Never saw any signs before of her cheating and I tend to have a pretty good sense of awareness. I knew the moment she got back from NY something was up when I saw how frequent she was texting and taking calls..I just didn't think it was to this extent." 

No Towel...in your original statement you say you can't trust her and now you say you believe her...i understand you want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but i woudl suggest to you she has provided nothing but doubt...like the adage says "you can't be half pregnant" ...also have asked her to be tested for STD and yourself ? i still you can use the polygraph as tool to ask her to lay out the entire timeline....all you have is bits and pieces...you need her to write everything down and i mean everything and then compare it too the fact you and the OM wife uncovered. right now you should not trust her to even tell you if its day or night...that comes with with time and with heavy lifting on her end.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

Popcorn2015 said:


> How old is she? How old are you? Do you have any kids from previous relationships? Do you two have any kids together?
> 
> Apologies in advance for these next two questions: How many women had you slept with before her? How many men do you think she slept with before you?


We are both 44. I don't have have any kids of my own no. Both the kids are hers from long before...a teen girl and a teen boy

Me, 5 my whole life...was with one random girl as my first when I was only 15 then married my H.S. Sweetheart, divorced her when i was 30, dated a few other women in between her and my current wife. 

Her? Counting what she's told me about her past relationships, Id guess 6 or 7?

Why does that matter?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

NoTowels,

I'm sorry this happened to you, while we all want to believe the best about people we sometimes have to swallow some unfortunate reality.

Your best bet is a polygraph for your WW, have her first write out a detailed timeline of everything that happened, the polygraph will then determine if what she wrote was correct. Make her write it out not tell you what happened.

There is a chance that this OM was the reason her marriage to the kids father ended, I can't say for sure, but her exH may have been driven to abuse or a mental breakdown by her cheating on him. After the fact your WW rewrote history to make her the victim. Please speak with her exH it may be an eye opener for you.

You also need to track down the work, family, church, facebook, linkedin and friends of OM and then send out a massive exposure message, don't threaten or warn just gather your evidence make a nice PDF file and send it. 

Tamat


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

Xenote said:


> "Ive asked her those exact questions and she swears she never did anything like this before..my radar says to believe her too. Never saw any signs before of her cheating and I tend to have a pretty good sense of awareness. I knew the moment she got back from NY something was up when I saw how frequent she was texting and taking calls..I just didn't think it was to this extent."
> 
> No Towel...in your original statement you say you can't trust her and now you say you believe her...i understand you want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but i woudl suggest to you she has provided nothing but doubt...like the adage says "you can't be half pregnant" ...also have asked her to be tested for STD and yourself ? i still you can use the polygraph as tool to ask her to lay out the entire timeline....all you have is bits and pieces...you need her to write everything down and i mean everything and then compare it too the fact you and the OM wife uncovered. right now you should not trust her to even tell you if its day or night...that comes with with time and with heavy lifting on her end.


Perhaps I misspoke. What I meant to say was "I believed her" as in past tense. Before I discovered about the night they shared in NY and read the letter she wrote.. I believed her that it was just sexting and a few photos and the plans to fly to NY again was just an idea. 

I did mention the idea of taking an STD test and she blew a gasket. I found out today in fact the other wife herself just went for tests. Perhaps I should look into it as well. 

Ive written everything down in a timeline myself from my point of view....In fact..this original post was like 10 pages long...decided to spare the other users here all those details and cut it in half. 

HER problem is she's got a very bad sense of timelines. In fact...thats how I caught her in some of the lies...She told me she had her lunch early in the week when in fact it was the last friday she was there according to the texts and GPS records. She tried to prove to me she was still at the hospital that night by showing me a text from her family member she was staying with but did not realize the timestamp was 2:45 am proving she was already lying about where she was that night....She showed me the email about her inquiry into a new apartment saying how she thought we were over after I moved out but the date of that email was 4 days before I discovered a single thing so that proves she was already thinking of it before we even had our first fight. 

Do polygraphs really work?? How does one go about that?


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

TAMAT said:


> NoTowels,
> 
> I'm sorry this happened to you, while we all want to believe the best about people we sometimes have to swallow some unfortunate reality.
> 
> ...


Well she was never married to the kids father...but there IS a sordid history with him and this guy paul. After she got caught cheating on her finance with paul 20 years ago...they both moved down south together and lived for about 6 months. he was not pulling his weight, lazy or whatever so she asked him to leave..he refused so she employed the help of a co-worker of hers at the time to help physically kick paul out the house. years later this co worker would father two kids for her. 

this sounds like some crazy soap opera I know....but can't make this stuff up. 

I never thought about talking to him but might be a good idea. He lives in another state but they still speak on a basis he's still the kids dad and thats all. Im just not sure how receptive he would be talking about her behind her back to me about anything.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

I have a hard time believing they didn't have sex. I hope you get to the bottom of this and you find peace of mind.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

It's not that she is bad with timelines, she is bad with lying about her cheating. 

Seriously, you need to get checked for STDs. 

She blew more than a gasket.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Towels,

Polygraphs often work when the cheating spouse offers up more details on the way to the test or in the parking lot.

I encouraged you to talk with whomever you can find because it does not sound like your WW made a mistake but it's more like her entire life has been a lie.

Does she also lie about financial stuff?

Advise the OMW to get a polygraph for her H, look up some people who do it in her area.

I suspect your WW has been in "love" with OM even while she was with the father of her children.

Tamat


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Your WW knows the full truth, but as the saying goes a lie is like a piece of paper concealing a fire.

Tamat


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

From reading your story, what jumps out at me is that you are not now, nor have you ever been, her first choice. She wants her ex, BADLY! You should consider talking to her "abusive" ex husband and see what his side of thee story is. You have already seen that she lied about you to get her way. It may be that she cheated on her ex then labelled him as abusive to make her look better. We see that happen here a lot. 

I'm generally pro R, but in your case the cards are stacked against you. With a short term marriage, D is often the safe choice. If she cheated, perhaps with two people, at 3 years, what will she do at 10 or 20? 

Sadly, I really think you are just a security blanket for her and a fill in dad for her kids. It's a tough call, but I think I would get some legal advice then D.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

She's lying.

Dump her.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> She blew more than a gasket.


WOW..harsh but I suppose thats true.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

TAMAT said:


> Towels,
> 
> Polygraphs often work when the cheating spouse offers up more details on the way to the test or in the parking lot.
> 
> ...


Tamat, I'm going to look into polygraph services in my area. As far as the other wife and husband she tells me she's leaving him for good now..shes had enough of his cheating ways and if it were not for me bringing her proof she would have never known.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> From reading your story, what jumps out at me is that you are not now, nor have you ever been, her first choice. She wants her ex, BADLY! You should consider talking to her "abusive" ex husband and see what his side of thee story is. You have already seen that she lied about you to get her way. It may be that she cheated on her ex then labelled him as abusive to make her look better. We see that happen here a lot.
> 
> I'm generally pro R, but in your case the cards are stacked against you. With a short term marriage, D is often the safe choice. If she cheated, perhaps with two people, at 3 years, what will she do at 10 or 20?
> 
> Sadly, I really think you are just a security blanket for her and a fill in dad for her kids. It's a tough call, but I think I would get some legal advice then D.


The more I think about the more it makes sense I need to talk to the kids father but like I said..i don't know how responsive he would be to talking to me. I met the man once but other wise never had any connection to him. As far as the security blanket..of course I've thought that myself. They never really had a dad in their life and I have been more of a father to them in just the 6 years we have been together and I care for them as they are my own since I never had kids of my own.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

We care about you here. 

We will push back when you need to be pushed. 

None of this "perhaps I should look into it" stuff.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Serial cheats never change my friend. I'm sorry. I know you love her but she is fvcked up. For her to be a halfway decent wife for you, she would need years of intensive counseling to get to the core of her issues, and the whole time she will be at risk for more cheating. And she would have to want to change. 

Why should she? She's got good old dependable nice guy you holding down the Homefront while she goes out and feeds her need for external validation with other sex partners. 

Cut your losses and move on.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Polygraph for her?

Yes, she is poly. Poly-amorous.

For you, polygraph should be spelled polygrift. She is poly and a grifter.

You are wasting your time and our time. She is trash. A terrible mother.

She will change her behavior [just short of]..... when her heart really stops and certainly when they start shoveling dirt in her grave.

Not a minute short of that.

Get a new wife.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Her ex said it. She was a liar 20 years ago and she's still a liar. She cheated on her fiance, moved in with her AP, and I'd bet money she was already cheating with her co-worker turned Baby Daddy when she kicked the ex-fiance out. She didn't have some kind of mental break, she has an established pattern of this kind of behavior.

It's a real long story, byt my first marriage was a total sham. My exH screwed anything that would stand still long enough, lied like a rug, and was almost always the victim. Mostly, he was a victim of his own foolishness, but I digress. I also had affairs, but at least I was open and honest about it, yeesh. The marriage was ended by me 6 years and 2 babies in. Wanna know where we are now? 

I remarried and am deeply in love with my husband. I have never been unfaithful to him. We just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary and our 17th anniversary as a couple. I was a situational cheater. 

My ex? He bounced around woman to woman for a while, got remarried, and the only difference in his behavior is location and name of the wife he's beating and cheating on. He is a chronic liar and a serial cheater, full stop.

Your wife is NOT a situational cheater. She is a serial cheater. Her pattern seems to be to lie and cheat, leave the sap she's lying and cheating on, then blame him and make him out to be the bad guy. She's been doing this for 20 years. She isn't going to change now. 

Were I you, I'd expose her confirmed cheating to everyone, file for divorce, and go on with my life.

PS- She married you and not the any of the others because she's older and doesn't know how long she can keep reeling them in. She's going to try to keep you because she's not getting any younger and her health isn't so hot anymore, which lessens her value on the dating market. Things she should have thought about before cheating on you twice.


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## Popcorn2015 (Sep 10, 2015)

NoTowels said:


> Im the first person she actually married.


You're probably thinking that out of all these other guys she's lived with or slept with or had one night stands with, you're the first one she loved enough to marry.

Unfortunately, that is exactly the wrong way to look at it. The correct view is that, out of all the guys who have slept with her before, you are the first one who made the mistake of thinking she was marriage material.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> She's lying.
> 
> Dump her.


He doesn't sound like he has the courage to take that kind of advice. When your wife tells you to man up, that's as bad as it gets. He's still looking for reasons to "make this marriage work" even though she's a serial lying, serial cheating wh0re. She has him wrapped around her little pinky finger.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

becareful2 said:


> He doesn't sound like he has the courage to take that kind of advice. When your wife tells you to man up, that's as bad as it gets. He's still looking for reasons to "make this marriage work" even though she's a serial lying, serial cheating wh0re. She has him wrapped around her little pinky finger.




.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

NoTowels said:


> Tamat, I'm going to look into polygraph services in my area. As far as the other wife and husband she tells me she's leaving him for good now..shes had enough of his cheating ways and if it were not for me bringing her proof she would have never known.


What's really the point of a polygraph? Haven't the mountains of evidence you now have enough to convince you to run for the hills? You think she's going to change for you because she will suddenly see the light after 20 years of pining for Paul?


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> He doesn't sound like he has the courage to take that kind of advice. When your wife tells you to man up, that's as bad as it gets. He's still looking for reasons to "make this marriage work" even though she's a serial lying, serial cheating wh0re. She has him wrapped around her little pinky finger.


Im sorry but how does that help me?? How do you figure I don't have courage to take advice? 

when did I ever say my wife was telling me to "man up"?

Am I looking for reasons to not become another statistic? of course..but Im also looking for helpful advice on doing the right thing for me. As a short term marriage, my home being a pre-marital asset. The kids are not mine...I can walk away from this easily with very little too loose. If anyones got anybody wrapped around a pinky finger its certainly not me right now.

I know that as a fact, do you?

Your reply is not only rude and uncalled for but useless so thanks for nothing.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You appear to be looking for excuses to stay in this.

Deplorable situation you're in. The problem is you are keeping yourself there. 

You don't need a lie detector test. You know deep down what the truth is why waste the time and money?

You can't let go so you'll wander in this wilderness or you won't. It doesn't appear you can be helped much.

I hope you find your way but it doesn't seem like you really want to.

Good luck, you're going to need it.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

NoTowels said:


> Tamat, I'm going to look into polygraph services in my area. As far as the other wife and husband she tells me she's leaving him for good now..shes had enough of his cheating ways and if it were not for me bringing her proof she would have never known.


No Towels,

Sounds like OM wife is way ahead of you on what to do. Your wife is a serial liar and cheater and you have cuaght her without any guessing needing to be done. Now if this OM wife divorces him what makes you think for a minute when he is a 'free agent" that they will not reconnect again??? Because hes scared of you?? Not likely.

Not only should you be doing a polygraph now, you should be telling your wife that she will take one whenever you want one . That will do a few things:
(1) her initial reaction will tell you pretty clearly if she is still not telling the truth. My guess is she resembles Casper The Ghost when you demand poly, whether or not you ever intend on doing it
(2) it makes it clear to her that if she start it up with OM she will get caught .

Now you need to file for divorce because you can stop it anytime you want to. But that will give her a clear timeline and consequence that she has not hade before. You have been gaslighted for years and there is no reason for her to change the playbook as long as she continue to get away with it


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

NoTowels said:


> Im sorry but how does that help me?? How do you figure I don't have courage to take advice?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Ignore the bitter posters that failed in their marriages.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Ignore the bitter posters that failed in their marriages.


Might as well write off 95% of the membership then.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

browser said:


> Might as well write off 95% of the membership then.




Good point.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

NoTowels said:


> Im sorry but how does that help me?? How do you figure I don't have courage to take advice?
> 
> when did I ever say my wife was telling me to "man up"?
> 
> ...


I must have gotten the "man up" part mixed with another poster's situation. I apologize. 

As for the tone of my post: did YOU NOT ASK FOR IT WHEN YOU SAID THIS:



> Thoughts? ideas? concerns? *Someone want to slap me across the face to wake the f up and walk away from this?? *


Those are my thoughts. It may sound rude but you asked for that proverbial slap, did you not?

She trashed you in front of her friends. Translation: she doesn't respect you. There are wayward wives who cheat but would never trash their husbands in front of others. That makes your wife much worse than those other wives.

She was searching for a place to move to. Does that sound like she cares about the marriage at all?

She's cheated on at least two partners with this Paul guy. Does that sound like she wouldn't drop you like a bad habit if Paul says "yes" to her advances?

She's lied multiple times, she's cheated multiple times, and she's nowhere close to genuine remorse. There's nothing to fight for.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Ignore the bitter posters that failed in their marriages.


actually, I'm not bitter at all. I've just seen this story so many times but this time the OP asked for some tough love, so I offered it.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> I must have gotten the "man up" part mixed with another poster's situation. I apologize.
> 
> As for the tone of my post: did YOU NOT ASK FOR IT WHEN YOU SAID THIS:
> 
> ...


becareful2, you sir are 100% correct. I DID ask for the slap in the face. The "man up" comment did strike a nerve with me and if that was confused with someone else I will shake your hand and accept the misunderstanding. 

Im glad you picked up on the trashing me in front of her friends part...that was something really hurting me thru all this and of course she plays it out as "well I thought we were done already" 

The little fact she was already searching for a new place before I found out also speaks volumes to me.

I will defer everyone to the original title of my post, "ready to give up now"

I think I know what I need to do now.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

NoTowels said:


> We are both 44. *I don't have have any kids of my own *no. Both the kids are hers from long before...a teen girl and a teen boy
> 
> Me, 5 my whole life...was with one random girl as my first when *I was only 15 then married my H.S. Sweetheart, divorced her when i was 30*, dated a few other women in between her and my current wife.
> 
> ...


It matters because you're lack of experience is causing you to stay with this serial cheater. I would bet that her ex husband was cheated on and he was trying to shut it down and she calls that being abusive and controlling. Par for the course with WW. 

You're inexperience with woman caused you to put a ring on a woman that's obviously not wife material. I'm sure her # is WAY more than 6 or 7. Also notice that it doesn't end well for any man who tries to make an honest woman out of her. 

Why did you not have any kids with your wife? Did you want children?


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

NoTowels said:


> becareful2, you sir are 100% correct. I DID ask for the slap in the face. The "man up" comment did strike a nerve with me and if that was confused with someone else I will shake your hand and accept the misunderstanding.
> 
> Im glad you picked up on the trashing me in front of her friends part...that was something really hurting me thru all this and *of course she plays it out as "well I thought we were done already*"
> 
> ...


All that means is after the divorce, she will really trash you to her friends. 

Run your post count up to 30 so you'll have access to the private forum. There, read the thread by Lonely Husband to see what a genuinely remorseful wayward wife looks like. There are other examples but that's my favorite thread of what real reconciliation looks like. Your love for her is not enough to save your marriage, because she has to be all in, and she has to be relentless in her resolve to do the heavy lifting to help you heal from the roller coaster of emotions, the mind movies, the triggers, etc. Just three years in and no kids, be thankful she's shown you her true colors now rather than after you've had a kid or two. Like the scene from The Matrix where the operator said to the crew inside the matrix: "It's a trap, get out..."

edit to add: The "man up" comment should have been for *this thread* by lancaster.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> Ignore the bitter posters that failed in their marriages.


Bandit has helped more people on this forum over the years than you probably even know in real life. That being said, you yourself are an admitted cheater, so I think it would serve the OP well to understand from where your advice is coming.

It's people like you that create the bitterness in us betrayed spouses. We didn't ask for it. We just have to deal with it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She was divorced with two children.

Was Paul the reason she was divorced?

She may be a serial cheater. On ALL her partners.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Why would you continue to love someone who treats you this way?

You know who she is. Your choosing to stay speaks more to a brokenness in you than in her.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

So sorry all this happened to you. But you are lucky to be seeing her for what she is, only 3 years into the marriage.

She will fail any polygraph miserably. Her whole life is a cardhouse of lies. There is so much more about everything that she's never told you. You can spend the rest of your life chipping away at those lies, hoping you've finally got to the bottom of it, but in all honesty you'll never know.

You can find a decent loving woman and you'll eventually get over your wife. It takes time, but it's worth it.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

jsmart said:


> It matters because you're lack of experience is causing you to stay with this serial cheater. I would bet that her ex husband was cheated on and he was trying to shut it down and she calls that being abusive and controlling. Par for the course with WW.
> 
> You're inexperience with woman caused you to put a ring on a woman that's obviously not wife material. I'm sure her # is WAY more than 6 or 7. Also notice that it doesn't end well for any man who tries to make an honest woman out of her.
> 
> Why did you not have any kids with your wife? Did you want children?


I do know for a fact her ex slammed her down and broke her foot during a fight. Her daughter told me how she was the one to call 911 when she was only 6 because "mommy and daddy was yelling"

After her second child she had her tubes tied so thats why we never had kids of my own.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Career woman here and 37 years married (first marriage for the both of us). Neither husband and I have cheated. Neither one of us will tolerate disrespect nor infidelity. We know the consequences of our actions, should one of us decide to betray the other. 

You are only three years into the marriage and she has already cheated with the same man, Paul, that she has on and off affairs with. Paul is the love of her life and continues to pull her into his life. You will not win in this game. You need to see an attorney ASAP and be done with this drama. See a psychologist to set your mind in the right track. 

Sorry to see you in this situation.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

To all, 

To be clear, I am not in denial or wearing blinders as to what direction I need to go in. I know in my heart the evidence I have now is more than enough to pull the plug and walk away. Its just much easier for you guys (and gals?) to say from the comfort of your armchairs than it is for me to look into her and her kids eyes and say its over. 

I contacted her ex (the children's biological father) last night and he's willing to talk so we have a tentative phone call for later today. I never really thought to reach out to him before to get a better insight on her history from someone other that her and it might be interesting to hear his of the story. I have seen a few emails and texts from him in the past that he does respect me for being the father to his kids he was never able to be so Im hoping he can be honest.

Im not going to lie, I do still love her and her kids were a gift to me that I will hate to loose. On the other hand, Ive been cheated on in the past by a long term girlfriend and I swore to myself Id never let it happen again so this is my time to make good on that promise to myself. 

Thanks to all who took the time to slap me in the face. It hurts but I needed it.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

3putt said:


> Bandit has helped more people on this forum over the years than you probably even know in real life. That being said, you yourself are an admitted cheater, so I think it would serve the OP well to understand from where your advice is coming.
> 
> 
> 
> It's people like you that create the bitterness in us betrayed spouses. We didn't ask for it. We just have to deal with it.




I made no mention of bandit? or anyone else. 

I have seen several new posters run off in past several days due to harsh and bitter comments. I was giving OP general advice so that he doesn't leave. I responded to OP and his reaction to another post that HE found to be rude, harsh and useless.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

NoTowels said:


> she was taken to the ER for a panic attack but turns out* she suffered a mild heart attack. * She was treated and released a few days later and I booked her a 1st class direct flight back home. During her stay in the hospital I was on stand by ready to drive the 21 hour trip to pick her up myself but she told me to sit tight and wait for the clearance to fly from the docs.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I'm still confused. Did she, or did she not have a heart attack?

When people say things like "no one has ever touched my soul like.....", it had better be their marriage partner that they are talking about. That is a very, very intense thing to say.

I don't think you really have a marriage. The structure isn't strong enough.

Let Paul take care of her from now on.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Ignore the bitter posters that failed in their marriages.


Then why bother even posting a thread here?

Most of the advice givers here probably fall into that category and I am not excluding myself.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

NoTowels said:


> Im not going to lie, *I do still love her and her kids were a gift to me that I will hate to loose.* On the other hand, *Ive been cheated on in the past by a long term girlfriend and I swore to myself Id never let it happen* again so this is my time to make good on that promise to myself.
> 
> Thanks to all who took the time to slap me in the face. It hurts but I needed it.


Our post may seem overly harsh but their done to get you wake up. After you've read several hundred threads that seem to have the same themes you can already predict where things were and are most likely going to lead.

I'm sure you've had good times but this guy has a strong pull on your wife. She has destroyed other relationships for this guy. Probably more than she's told you about. With her being a single mom in her 40s still risking it all to sneak around with guy, you know she's not going to change for you.

Why didn't you have any kids with your prior long term wife?


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

@jsmart I thought he said girlfriend. 

There is something off with your wife or I mis-read one of your posts. Am I mistaken that she lived with Paul for six months and need help getting him to move out due to refusal to work and being lazy? This is her soul mate? You can't fix crazy. You can adjust to some degree but she seems well past that point.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

NoTowels said:


> To all,
> 
> To be clear, I am not in denial or wearing blinders as to what direction I need to go in. I know in my heart the evidence I have now is more than enough to pull the plug and walk away. Its just much easier for you guys (and gals?) to say from the comfort of your armchairs than it is for me to look into her and her kids eyes and say its over.
> 
> ...


NO TOWELS,

The thing you need to understand is that those of us sitting in our armchairs have ALL been right where you are. Some of us reconciled ( whatever that means), so of us divorced, and some of us are still in limbo like you. But here is a fact. When the just mentioned group , all with different stories, come to basically the same conclusion, the group is very rarely wrong.

Of course you have to make the decision, and unfortunately your wife has left you with no great choices here but you ARE going to have to choose at some point to live in an open marriage or play hardball. No one is trying to kick you while you are down. We are trying to tell you that you have a big time "cancer" in your situation and it has to be cut out one way or the other. Until she believes that there is no middle cake eating ground here this will continue.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> I'm still confused. Did she, or did she not have a heart attack?
> 
> When people say things like "no one has ever touched my soul like.....", it had better be their marriage partner that they are talking about. That is a very, very intense thing to say.
> 
> ...



She met with him the friday night BEFORE she was originally supposed to fly home. Saturday morning while saying her goodbye to her mom is when she had her attack. As a result..she spent 4 additional days in NY at the hospital. I forgot to mention she swung by his house on the way to the airport after being released from the hospital GPS logs say it was just a 28 min visit but still. 

She claims the words she wrote were just the overflow of emotions she was feeling after being with him that night....BS I know, they are powerful words...

Pauls 1000 miles away.....hes not going to take care of anyone but himself. His wife already told me they are breaking up and I doubt he's going to leave his kids behind and my wife won't relocate her and the kids to NY, and for what its worth, I think this time around my wife knows he's just a POS.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

jsmart said:


> Our post may seem overly harsh but their done to get you wake up. After you've read several hundred threads that seem to have the same themes you can already predict where things were and are most likely going to lead.
> 
> I'm sure you've had good times but this guy has a strong pull on your wife. She has destroyed other relationships for this guy. Probably more than she's told you about. With her being a single mom in her 40s still risking it all to sneak around with guy, you know she's not going to change for you.
> 
> Why didn't you have any kids with your prior long term wife?


My first wife was very focused on her carrier. I wanted to start a family but she was not ready. We eventually drifted apart



JohnA said:


> @jsmart I thought he said girlfriend.
> 
> There is something off with your wife or I mis-read one of your posts. Am I mistaken that she lived with Paul for six months and need help getting him to move out due to refusal to work and being lazy? This is her soul mate? You can't fix crazy. You can adjust to some degree but she seems well past that point.


No you read that correctly..20 years ago she did have him kicked out by the man who would eventually become her kids father..I actually spoke to him today..He does not recall exact details but his story goes pretty much inline with what my wifes been telling me. Paul was living with her, he thought the relationship was more than just a roommate/FWB thing..she wanted him out but he refused to leave. He said her and my wife started dating a few months later. If you ask me both Paul and my wife are F'n crazy


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Only you can make the decision to stay or go, as you are the one that has to suffer any consequences. You know she has cheated in the past, the question is will she cheat in the future? The best indication of future behavior is past behavior and so she is probably not a good bet. Still if you are willing to take the risk of another incident, then go for it dude. I think that you will need profession help with marriage counseling. Additionally, you need to set very firm ground rules, including access to all media and devices. She needs to be an open book and be completely honest and you have to be willing to accept the truth, even if it is tough. I think you are going to find reconciliation tougher than just a single act of forgiveness and will have bouts of anger and resentment. This is a normal thing, you just got to know that it will happen. I believe that most relationships can be repaired, if both parties work to fix the problems. However, you have to be honest with yourself and other and you can't do it by yourself. Best of luck to you and your family.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

NoTowels said:


> Pauls 1000 miles away.....hes not going to take care of anyone but himself. His wife already told me they are breaking up and *I doubt he's going to leave his kids behind and my wife won't relocate her and the kids to NY, and for what its worth, I think this time around my wife knows he's just a POS*.


WWs don't think clearly. If you think her knowing he's a worthless POS is going to stop her from cheating again, you're mistaken. Women rarely think logically when it comes to love. They're going to follow their "heart." Seen it so many times on-line and in real life. Woman chasing after complete losers tossing aside good men. Destroying their own kids' stable home chasing after their "soulmate." 

During times that she thinks clearly, she'll come to her senses and attempt to be a wife. Kind of fake it to you make it but the problem is that eventually they get pulled back in. Many WWs trying to R usually keep a window open for their AP to come back into their lives. That is your wife. This guy just keeps coming back. It didn't stop for her other men and it won't stop for you.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

NoTowels said:


> She met with him the friday night BEFORE she was originally supposed to fly home. Saturday morning while saying her goodbye to her mom is when she had her attack. As a result..she spent 4 additional days in NY at the hospital. I forgot to mention she swung by his house on the way to the airport after being released from the hospital GPS logs say it was just a 28 min visit but still.
> 
> She claims the words she wrote were just the overflow of emotions she was feeling after being with him that night....BS I know, they are powerful words...
> 
> Pauls 1000 miles away.....hes not going to take care of anyone but himself. His wife already told me they are breaking up and I doubt he's going to leave his kids behind and my wife won't relocate her and the kids to NY, and for what its worth, I think this time around my wife knows he's just a POS.


No, she doesn't. This guy and your wife are like Sharon Stone and James Woods in Casino. 

She will allow his memory to ruin every relationship she is in.

She does not get anything except she does not want this marriage to end while simultaneously not breaking contact with him.

FFS, I don't believe for a moment you have even 50% of the truth. And deep down, I think you know that as well, even if your heart doesn't want to believe it.

Look, man; I am pro reconciliation. I believe is smacking cheaters with reality hard enroute to reconciliation.

However...

Your wife is toxic. There is no reconciliation u til there is truth. You don't have it, and you will likely never get it from her. 

Proceed with her at your own peril.


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## Lauranie (Sep 17, 2016)

I’m so sorry dear, I know exactly what you are going through and it sucks. First thing I going to challenge you to do is to eat well and sleep well. Take care of you. You are punishing yourself and you have done no wrong. I did it too, but now it’s time to stop. Second is to contact the lawyer and get the divorce written up... that is a necessary step for both divorce and reconciliation. You already know she will rug sweep the affairs if there are no real consequences, show her its real.

Second step is no contact with OM EVER. Can you trust her to do that? Seeing that this has been her MO since before you were wed I think not. For that reason alone I don’t personally believe your marriage is salvageable. She has also shown blatant disrespect for you. This wasn’t a compartmentalized affair where she loved you and was just having some fun, no, this is a cancer. 

Whether you know it or not you are in mourning right now. You are mourning the death of your marriage, you are mourning life with the woman you thought you would grow old with. Mourning the dreams you made together. Mourning the love affair, you had and thought she had for you. You are seeing it all with different eyes and know now that some of that was a lie. Wanting to get all that back is normal. The fact that she is not physically dead makes it possible in your mind, these are ghosts of what could have been and what should have been. 

You cannot turn back the clock and unsee what you have seen, you cannot unknow what you now know. And no matter how bad you wish for it, you can never make anyone else feel the way you want or wish they could, to include love and remorse. 

Again, I'm sorry


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Your WW doesn't seem to realize that she is married. She is 'flirting,' 'sexting,' 'breaking up' with men, not to mention sending a 'half-shot of her ass' to an OM to 'appease' him. She seems to tell you these things as if they are reasonable explanations.

You seem like a very nice man and my heart goes out to you. At the same time, I have to question either her intelligence or her mental health (both?). This is someone who had extramarital sex in the hospital bed after suffering a heart attack. To me this goes beyond poor judgment into the territory of the unhinged.

I'm sorry for your pain. You say that you aren't prepared to stay with a cheating wife & I can certainly understand that. If you do wind up trying to reconcile, though, I would insist on a mental health evaluation. She doesn't seem all there to me.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

OP

If you don't divorce her this will continue. It's who she is.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Malaise said:


> OP
> 
> If you don't divorce her this will continue. It's who she is.


I don't want to agree with this. But then neither did her other partners whom she did this to, also.


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

Did you ever think that Paul is just a fantastic lay? I have one in my history. Current wife is a vanilla starfish in the bedroom. If my old flame weren't 2200 miles away, I'd be sorely tempted.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

NoTowels said:


> She was in a long term relationship with her kids father...he was abusive to her, stole..ect..., she was in a few other long terms but nothing ever as serious as us...*Im the first person she actually married*.


Well done you put a ring on that finger, now she gets to cheat on you repeatedly and lie. Vows mean nothing, your heart means nothing so what exactly is there to save?

Seems the other guy gets all the benefits except he doesn't have to divorce your wife or put up with her nonsense.

That ring on her finger is an albatross around your neck and her security.

But hey she gets to have a boyfriend and a husband. 

Good luck.


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

Are you SURE she had an actual heart attack???? 

You didn't write anything about her being scared in the hospital, worried, depressed about having the attack. 

People are usually very scared and worried as to WHY it happened, what's going to happen next, will they have another one, etc. etc. 

But the way you've described it, she's just carrying on as if she never had one. 

It's just very strange, or she's lying, or you've not included any of those details. 

Did you actually talk to the doctors? 



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I don't buy that heart attack story. Did you actually call the hospital where she was staying?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Anyone with a heart attack would be on blood thinners, and have follow up doctor appointments and tests. 

You just don't have a heart attack, go to ER, stay a few days in hospital, then go home and do nothing. 

If my wife had something like this, she would want me on next plane out to go help her. 

Fishy story. Easy way to check is to look at the hospital discharge papers. 

Whose health insurance was this under? The bill would be huge and the insurance would provide an Explanation of Benefits of what was paid.

ETA. I just re read the original post. After being with wife in hospital more than two dozen times and 100+ doctor appointments, i think the heart attack story is complete BS.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Statements from health insurance?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> I don't buy that heart attack story. Did you actually call the hospital where she was staying?


Anyone who had a heart attack and was hospitalized away from their home, would have been given instruction to see a cardiologist when they returned home immediately. Has the wife made any appointments? 

But the hospital story did buy her a few extra days with Paul - right?


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

Lauranie said:


> I’m so sorry dear, I know exactly what you are going through and it sucks. First thing I going to challenge you to do is to eat well and sleep well. Take care of you. You are punishing yourself and you have done no wrong. I did it too, but now it’s time to stop. Second is to contact the lawyer and get the divorce written up... that is a necessary step for both divorce and reconciliation. You already know she will rug sweep the affairs if there are no real consequences, show her its real.
> 
> Second step is no contact with OM EVER. Can you trust her to do that? Seeing that this has been her MO since before you were wed I think not. For that reason alone I don’t personally believe your marriage is salvageable. She has also shown blatant disrespect for you. This wasn’t a compartmentalized affair where she loved you and was just having some fun, no, this is a cancer.
> 
> ...


Lauranie, thank you for those words, you guess it right...im not eating, work is suffering ect...

She did break off all contact with him and have all her passwords to email and social media accounts. I even have her iPhone text messages forwarded to my iPad so I can actually monitor them in real time no matter where I am. I check the phone logs to see what voice calls she's making. She knows all this and is trying to be transparent now but its what she may still be hiding of course thats the issue. 

The disrespect she showed towards me is actually one of more hurtful things. Seeing how this is a "cancer" with her hurts even more.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

NoTowels said:


> Lauranie, thank you for those words, you guess it right...im not eating, work is suffering ect...
> 
> She did break off all contact with him and have all her passwords to email and social media accounts. I even have her iPhone text messages forwarded to my iPad so I can actually monitor them in real time no matter where I am. I check the phone logs to see what voice calls she's making. She knows all this and is trying to be transparent now but its what she may still be hiding of course thats the issue.
> 
> The disrespect she showed towards me is actually one of more hurtful things. Seeing how this is a "cancer" with her hurts even more.


Now all she has to do is buy a pay-as-you-go phone from WalMart and she's right back at it with Paul or anyone else because you think you have all bases covered.

The disrespect she has shown during your entire marriage makes me think she is not going to change her behavior overnight. Keep your eyes open. VAR in her car and if you notice her disappearing at home into another room - VAR there too. Your marriage has always had 3 people in it, you, the wife, and Paul.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

23cm said:


> Did you ever think that Paul is just a fantastic lay? I have one in my history. Current wife is a vanilla starfish in the bedroom. If my old flame weren't 2200 miles away, I'd be sorely tempted.


I thought about that but rather not. I'm pretty confident that the sex I provide for her is more than enough to sastisfy her in the bedroom. I may not have had dozens of partners but I do know how to take care of the ones I do. 

With that being said, my wife is far from "vanilla" in the bedroom, she loves sex as much as I do and is always looking to try new things, new places.

Interesting tidbit... in talking to my wife AND pauls wife, turns out he's somewhat of a "cuckold" kinda guy. he told my wife 20 years he wanted to watch her sleep with another man, told her the same thing during their recent stint and his wife told me he asked her to do the same thing multiple times over the coarse of their marriage. Wife also said he wanted her to paddle his ass raw and for her to urinate in his mouth..really sick stuff...... I KNOW my wife is not that kinky and does not respond well to being the dominant or "top" in the bedroom. If I wanted to turn her on all it takes is a full pulls of her hair and pushing her in the direction I want her to go (if you know what I mean) and seconds later she's putty. 

Does not make sense, nothing makes sense anymore.....


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Why would you even consider pursuing R with this woman. This short marriage should never have happened. She will always keep the door open for this guy. She's wrecked multiple relationships for this guy. 

She found a good guy to put a ring on it and accept her kid. Giving her a better lifestyle. Yet she risked it all. Think about it. She wanted this guy so bad she had sex with him in the hospital. 

She's going to lay low for a while. Sex you up and get you to put your guard down. In a few months, he'll be back in the pic. With her, you're going to be like a dad parenting a rebellious daughter who wants to run off with the bad boy. 

Is that all you think you can get? You're getting older and the thought of spending the rest of your days with a woman that will secretly pine for this POS is not the way to spend it.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

dianaelaine59 said:


> Are you SURE she had an actual heart attack????
> 
> You didn't write anything about her being scared in the hospital, worried, depressed about having the attack.
> 
> ...


Yes, she did..it was a very mild attack...to her it felt like a panic attack and after they did tests the chemicals in her system indicated the heart was stressed. They performed whats known as a "SVT" procedure. Insert a catheter thru her groin and up to the heart and burn some electrical thingys controlling her heart rate...A simple procedure compared to open heart surgery. Im sure the stress of seeing her sick mother all week (cancer) AND now starting this affair, she literally gave herself a heart attack.



bandit.45 said:


> I don't buy that heart attack story. Did you actually call the hospital where she was staying?


 Yes, the hospital along with other family members calling me every half hour giving me updates during her surgery. 



blueinbr said:


> Anyone with a heart attack would be on blood thinners, and have follow up doctor appointments and tests.
> 
> You just don't have a heart attack, go to ER, stay a few days in hospital, then go home and do nothing.
> 
> ...


Its not B.S. she's had these 'panic attacks" few times before but our doctors down here are idiots and passed it off as simple stress. In a messed up kinda way she's lucky it happened when and where it did in NY since its one of the best heart hospitals in the country. Doctors there knew exactly what it was right away and what needed to be done. 

As far as jumping on a plane to be with her that was not an easy option since I was home watching the kids. Besides, there was debate on if she would be able to fly home or not at all so I had my truck packed and ready to drive 22 hours to NY at a moments notice to be with her and drive her home and I would have had to drop the kids off with extended family to watch over them. 

I have the $80k insurance statements to prove it. Thankfully my insurance coverage is excellent so my co pay is a fraction of that. 



Malaise said:


> Statements from health insurance?


Tons of them yes. 



TDSC60 said:


> Anyone who had a heart attack and was hospitalized away from their home, would have been given instruction to see a cardiologist when they returned home immediately. Has the wife made any appointments?
> 
> She did, she was actually supposed to do a follow up appointment with a doctor in NY. I told her thats not gonna happen and it didn't. She found a local one and saw him just last week.
> 
> But the hospital story did buy her a few extra days with Paul - right?


Yep, she was there the whole time and thats when he visited her a few times.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

jsmart said:


> Why would you even consider pursuing R with this woman. This short marriage should never have happened. She will always keep the door open for this guy. She's wrecked multiple relationships for this guy.
> 
> She found a good guy to put a ring on it and accept her kid. Giving her a better lifestyle. Yet she risked it all. Think about it. She wanted this guy so bad she had sex with him in the hospital.
> 
> ...


The whole oral sex in the hospital thing is still iffy. According to HER, she woke up one night and his hand was under the sheets and his head in her lap, when she came to she pushed him away with a resounding WTF are you doing? He was just being a perv. According to an angry text I intercepted from him, he went down on her. 

I tend to believe her side of that story more than his. I remember her telling me how after a few days in the hospital bed she was dying to take a real shower and she even got in trouble with the nurses for getting up and going to the bathroom. Not to mention a hospital room is not exactly private. Her own mom was just a few floors down getting cancer treatment AND mom also happens to be a nurse who works at the same hospital so every member of the staff was checking in on them both all hours of the day and night. I doubt she would risk getting caught with some guy munching down on her not to mention not having showered in a few days...the whole thing sound fishy to me (no pun intended)


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

You sound like you live in the Deep South. I've done that 22 hour drive to NY. Not fun. Ok, the heart issue was valid.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> You sound like you live in the Deep South. I've done that 22 hour drive to NY. Not fun. Ok, the heart issue was valid.


 Yes. South enough for it to still be "south" but a couple more hours down and your back in NY if you know what I mean...lol

During that time she was in the hospital, I had my extended cab truck packed with a full tank of gas, a suitcase, a cooler full of red bull and a fold up mattress to sleep on and I even considered adult diapers to wear so I could drive straight up to NY only stoping for gas once or twice as needed. I also may not have mentioned I was recovering from a broken foot and was still on crutches during this time so travel by any means would have been hard for me but I was ready to go at the drop of a dime.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

NoTowels said:


> Yes. South enough for it to still be "south" but a couple more hours down and your back in NY if you know what I mean...lol
> 
> 
> 
> During that time she was in the hospital, I had my extended cab truck packed with a full tank of gas, a suitcase, a cooler full of red bull and a fold up mattress to sleep on and I even considered adult diapers to wear so I could drive straight up to NY only stoping for gas once or twice as needed. I also may not have mentioned I was recovering from a broken foot and was still on crutches during this time so travel by any means would have been hard for me but I was ready to go at the drop of a dime.




I used to live in NY so I know exactly what you mean. 

Putting all this hospital crap aside, you either knew or now know the type of person you are married to. 

The question is whether or not you can or want to stay married. 

The others are right in that she wont change. 

It seems you just want to forget about all this and stay with her. It's you life. But from what you described you are crazy to stay.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

NoTowels said:


> I apologize in advance for the long post but I feel all the details are needed.
> 
> Thoughts? ideas? concerns? Someone want to slap me across the face to wake the f up and walk away from this??


Run


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

I'm still amazed that she's not thinking now of "life" and "death", and pondering her mortality .... which usually makes people take stock of their life, what they have and appreciate, etc. 

Going into her groin, and zapping the heart, sounds like an electrical issue. Was it a rhythm problem?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> Anyone with a heart attack would be on blood thinners, and have follow up doctor appointments and tests.
> 
> You just don't have a heart attack, go to ER, stay a few days in hospital, then go home and do nothing.
> 
> ...


I was taken to hospital with a suspected heart attack and remained there for several days in the cardiology unit.

However, they discovered it was not a heart attack, but a heart condition, SVT, which is easily treated (usually) by drugs and pressure point manipulation. But no blood thinners, etc.

When did I have my first major SVT incident? During sexual intercourse with my wife.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

dianaelaine59 said:


> I'm still amazed that she's not thinking now of "life" and "death", and pondering her mortality .... which usually makes people take stock of their life, what they have and appreciate, etc.
> 
> Going into her groin, and zapping the heart, sounds like an electrical issue. Was it a rhythm problem?
> 
> ...


Sounds like SVT.

And to an idiotic and poor medic, SVT might be mistaken for panic attacks.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Your W went to *great* lengths to deceive you. I have read some very calculated plans but your W planning takes the cake here. Unbelievable. Do you truly want to spend the time from here on out wondering how you W could have been so calculating to deceive? 

Sorry this happened to you.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

NoTowels said:


> The whole oral sex in the hospital thing is still iffy. According to HER, she woke up one night and his hand was under the sheets and his head in her lap, when she came to she pushed him away with a resounding WTF are you doing? He was just being a perv. According to an angry text I intercepted from him, he went down on her.
> 
> I tend to believe her side of that story more than his. I remember her telling me how after a few days in the hospital bed she was dying to take a real shower and she even got in trouble with the nurses for getting up and going to the bathroom. Not to mention a hospital room is not exactly private. Her own mom was just a few floors down getting cancer treatment AND mom also happens to be a nurse who works at the same hospital so every member of the staff was checking in on them both all hours of the day and night. I doubt she would risk getting caught with some guy munching down on her not to mention not having showered in a few days...the whole thing sound fishy to me (no pun intended)


To me, if I were her husband, the mere fact that I was barred from the hospital and her OM was go and visit her? No way. No way would I ever get over this. This is a betrayal worse than the sex in my book. And her family probably knew about him and tolerated it? 

No.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

dianaelaine59 said:


> I'm still amazed that she's not thinking now of "life" and "death", and pondering her mortality .... which usually makes people take stock of their life, what they have and appreciate, etc.
> 
> Going into her groin, and zapping the heart, sounds like an electrical issue. Was it a rhythm problem?
> 
> ...


Funny, you mention that. The day after her attack, she called me saying how she was thinking how life was so short and fragile and that she wanted to come home and reconnect with me. Seeing her mom all week and watching her start her cancer therapy along with wifes own health issue is what brought that up.

It was a rhythm issues. Been having it for years now.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Sounds like SVT.
> 
> And to an idiotic and poor medic, SVT might be mistaken for panic attacks.


Thats exactly what it was, SVT. In the past two years she was rushed to the ER twice via ambulance and both times the "idiot paramedics" gave her nitro thinking it was just panic attacks.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> To me, if I were her husband, the mere fact that I was barred from the hospital and her OM was go and visit her? No way. No way would I ever get over this. This is a betrayal worse than the sex in my book. And her family probably knew about him and tolerated it?
> 
> No.


Who said I was "barred" from the hospital? I live in Florida, this all happened in NY and I was home watching the kids with a broken foot. The logistics of it all is what kept me from rushing up there immediately. If it happened locally I would have been there before I hung up the phone.

Her mom and an extended cousin is the only family up in NY. When he came to visit wife once he did visit her mom also and was cordial to him, this of course was before anyone knew what was going on. Weeks later I spoke to my mother in law and told her what was going on. A few days later the OM went to visit her since he works in the same campus and she told him to F#@k off and never talk to her daughter again. Mom in law is on my side.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

NoTowels said:


> Who said I was "barred" from the hospital? I live in Florida, this all happened in NY and I was home watching the kids with a broken foot. The logistics of it all is what kept me from rushing up there immediately. If it happened locally I would have been there before I hung up the phone.
> 
> Her mom and an extended cousin is the only family up in NY. When he came to visit wife once he did visit her mom also and was cordial to him, this of course was before anyone knew what was going on. Weeks later I spoke to my mother in law and told her what was going on. A few days later the OM went to visit her since he works in the same campus and she told him to F#@k off and never talk to her daughter again. Mom in law is on my side.


Ah OK, I had my geography messed up. 

But still, your wife should have told him never to come back after the first time. The fact that he came back again tells me she was okay with him coming around, as if he was your surrogate. That's cold. How many times did he come see her when her mom wasn't there? 

This shows complete disrespect towards you on her part.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> Ah OK, I had my geography messed up.
> 
> But still, your wife should have told him never to come back after the first time. The fact that he came back again tells me she was okay with him coming around, as if he was your surrogate. That's cold. How many times did he come see her when her mom wasn't there?
> 
> This shows complete disrespect towards you on her part.


I know it does. I even remember when she even told me how her "friend" came over and comforted her while she was recovering. Little did I know at the time who this friend was. They even talked about he would return the rental car for her to avoid paying for the additional days and I told her no simply because no one else was an authorized driver on the rental agreement. To me THAT is even more disrespectful she would even consider that. 

She does claim that "surrogate" thing for the whole affair. She says how he was there for her in a time of weakness and the fact that he's very persuasive does not help either. She says "you weren't there for me and he was so.....it just happened" I said that complete B.S! I was there for her at HOME WATCHING HER KIDS!

Her mom was there the whole time..she was starting therapy for her cancer treatment. That was the point of her whole trip to begin with. So the stress of her watching her mom begin chemo, cleaning out her apartment, handling insurance and paperwork ect.....left her in a state of weakness and vulnerable. No excuse I know..so does she I think.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

NT, how old is your wife? Give a range if you don't want to give exact age. 

And what is her weight/health status? 

Heart attack and young kids are rare unless she is overweight, poor health or has a genetic condition. Want to make sure you are not just a provider of health insurance and child care.

Can you say in no uncertain terms that she loves YOU, not just what you offer?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Don't buy into these excuses. I don't go out and screw someone just because my wife "isn't there for me" at some point.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> NT, how old is your wife? Give a range if you don't want to give exact age.
> 
> And what is her weight/health status?
> 
> ...


44, she's maybe 20 lbs over her ideal weight , other than this heart issue is in reasonably good health.

Im certain that she DOES love me...and the man I am for her kids..not just as a provider but as a dad. 

I do bring up the "provider" card and of course she dismisses it saying..."i don't need you for that..ive always taken care of myself ect..." Either she does not want to admit it to me, or she's in denial of just how hard things would be for her financially if she were on her own again. I think its a combination of both.


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## NoTowels (Dec 4, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> Don't buy into these excuses. I don't go out and screw someone just because my wife "isn't there for me" at some point.


Im not..Ive told her a thousand times there is no excuse for what she did.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Frankly Towel, i would sit down with her and place the cards on the table....so that she clearly understands your position in this, let's face it there is no relationship that is 50/50..and as i see it she tried to take the rains and this one and control it...so i would matter of factly lay it out for her

1. you own the house, her name is not on the deed and she and her kids live there because you are married to her, if she choses to go outside the marriage she and her kids are out. 
2. they are her kids and ultimately her problem...your not a baby sitter...if she thinks she can travel to "visit" family and leave you watching them while she is hooking up she is sadly mistaken because that will NEVER happen again
3. your money is your money, your insurance is your insurance if she decides that she wants to mess around then she has to do it on her own dime and her own insurance
4. her health is not what it was....and she thinks she can mess around you don't need her dead weight of health...i know sounds mean but like i said cards on the table
5. The only way you are willing to take her back...(because you love her...i guess) is if she does all the heavy lifting....and i mean all of it

because from what i seeing you should have all the cards....emotions aside...let's just talk hard facts..right?

so I have to ask...what is she bring to the talk. Because from what i am seeing she has a LOT of baggage.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

NoTowels said:


> 44, she's maybe 20 lbs over her ideal weight , other than this heart issue is in reasonably good health.
> 
> *Im certain that she DOES love me...*and the man I am for her kids..not just as a provider but as a dad.
> 
> I do bring up the "provider" card and of course she dismisses it saying..."i don't need you for that..ive always taken care of myself ect..." Either she does not want to admit it to me, or she's in denial of just how hard things would be for her financially if she were on her own again. I think its a combination of both.


Trashing you to her friends, looking for a place to move out, easily spreading her legs for the man she's pining for for 20 years...sexting him, lying to you, gaslighting you, hiding her secret affair,...yeah, that's not love. It's just not. My hunch is the more you're talking this out, the more you will subconsciously look for a reason to stay. She's told you she doesn't want you, and regardless if that's true or not, the fact that she says it shows once again, she doesn't respect you. She doesn't think that highly of you. She'll have no problem replacing you with another man who's desperate for a woman. It's just that right now, she doesn't want to uproot her kids and lose the comfort of the family environment that you provide. You're Plan B while her goal is and has always been Paul, her numero uno, her true love, her Plan A.

I'm not bitter and I'm actually pro-marriage, but for 95% of cases involving infidelity, I'd say get the heck out, throw the cheater to the curb and never look back. She hasn't even taken the first step towards having any kind of genuine remorse. I don't know about you but I wouldn't want a serial cheater to be the mother of my future children, should I want any. She's 44 but very emotionally and morally immature.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Why do some of you tolerate SO much in your relationships??  I'll never understand it. Is the fear of being alone for a little while that strong that you'd rather stay with a serial cheater/liar?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

NoTowels said:


> 44, she's maybe 20 lbs over her ideal weight , other than this heart issue is in reasonably good health.
> 
> Im certain that she DOES love me...and the man I am for her kids..not just as a provider but as a dad.
> 
> I do bring up the "provider" card and of course she dismisses it saying..."i don't need you for that..ive always taken care of myself ect..." Either she does not want to admit it to me, or she's in denial of just how hard things would be for her financially if she were on her own again. I think its a combination of both.


She is not the one in denial over her answer to this question.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> All that means is after the divorce, she will really trash you to her friends.
> 
> Run your post count up to 30 so you'll have access to the private forum. There, read the thread by Lonely Husband to see what a genuinely remorseful wayward wife looks like. There are other examples but that's my favorite thread of what real reconciliation looks like. Your love for her is not enough to save your marriage, because she has to be all in, and she has to be relentless in her resolve to do the heavy lifting to help you heal from the roller coaster of emotions, the mind movies, the triggers, etc. Just three years in and no kids, be thankful she's shown you her true colors now rather than after you've had a kid or two. Like the scene from The Matrix where the operator said to the crew inside the matrix: "It's a trap, get out..."
> 
> edit to add: The "man up" comment should have been for *this thread* by lancaster.


Forgive me for threadjacking, but can you give me a rundown of the highlights of what Lonely Husband's WW did and didn't do? Maybe certain pages I could jump through? I don't know his story and I don't know that I can read a 200-page thread in one sitting... or two, or three.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> Forgive me for threadjacking, but can you give me a rundown of the highlights of what Lonely Husband's WW did and didn't do? Maybe certain pages I could jump through? I don't know his story and I don't know that I can read a 200-page thread in one sitting... or two, or three.


A Cliff Notes version from me wouldn't do it justice. You should take the time and read, if only his posts while skipping the others.

He didn't need a lot of evidence but to read the OM's lips as he (the OM) said to her, "What's your husband doing here?" while at her company's party which LH showed up unexpectedly because he sensed he needed to. LH then walked up to her and whispered something in her ear and left. She felt darkness come over her and she chased him, literally and metaphorically, while he went dark for a while. He took their family heirloom marital bed out to the farm and burned it to the ground. Turns out, he had PTSD from the war and didn't seek help, but immersed himself in his company's work, and in doing so, he shut her out for over 5 years. That drove her to have an affair with her co-worker. When he came back home one Christmas night to talk with her, and told her about his PTSD, it broke her even more. She has been doing everything possible and more to make it up to him. She confessed and apologized to all her family members, and even confessed to their pastor. She never lied or gaslighted him after that encounter at the party. She took lots of shots to the ribs from all sides of her family as well as his family, and never wavered in her resolve to repair the damage she caused. Her family and inlaws all love and respect LH and they laid it in to her hard. Even her own daughter saw LH on the ground in pain and lashed out at her mother, calling her a wh-re. Lots of emotional exhaustion from their therapy sessions but she went through it all. She willingly signed a post-nup and even gave away her share of the millions in assets to charity, meaning if he divorces her now, she'd get nothing. She has been truly remorseful and has been showing him in both words and deeds that she's thankful he has given her a second chance. She sometimes wakes up early because she can't sleep, and cries in the kitchen over her transgressions. She has been humbled and never once complains about the heavy lifting that she has had to do to help him heal. What betrayed husbands wouldn't want their wayward wife to be like LH's genuinely remorseful wife. Wayward wives like her make great candidates for reconciliation, not wives like the OP's.

LH is one of the strongest betrayed husbands I've seen, and he didn't chase after a cheating wife. On the contrary, it was she who chased him, because he's a man of high integrity and has a backbone. He took swift actions and didn't need any PI to gather evidence for him.

Edit: she found his thread by chance and stayed up all night to read it. She cried and apologized to him in the morning after he woke up. He has forgiven her but it is now she who has a hard time forgiving herself. He comforts her and reminds her that he loves her. They truly love each other.

BTW, he got the OM fired and the guy is scared to death of LH.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

NoTowels said:


> Interesting tidbit... in talking to my wife AND pauls wife, turns out he's somewhat of a "cuckold" kinda guy. he told my wife 20 years he wanted to watch her sleep with another man, told her the same thing during their recent stint and his wife told me he asked her to do the same thing multiple times over the coarse of their marriage.


 Any chance she may have been grooming "Sam" for this role/part?
She's gaslighted and blameshifted you until you had evidence that she was in the wrong, then becomes "sorry". She's sorry alright. You'd be doing the wise thing to walk/run away from her as fast as possible to save you from the almost inevitable misery that will be in store for you if you stay with her. Good luck my friend.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So what is your plan?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> She is not the one in denial over her answer to this question.


For reals.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> For reals.


You need rials? I still have some from Oman that I picked up ~13 years ago.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You married a maniac.

Sorry.

You should probably cut your losses.

It sounds easier to get in your wife's pants than receive credit card offers.

She in no way resembles someone ready for a serious relationship.

Make sure you aren't overlooking a seriously damaged woman 
because of good sex and warm feelings.



sex or warm feelings.


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