# Need advice



## madamelibrarian (Apr 17, 2013)

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years. We eloped when we were very young- I was 22 and he was 26. It's always been a rocky relationship, but we love each other. But now things are starting to fall apart- and it's because of our pets.

When we were first married, I found a stray cat. I grew up in a pet household and love having them around. My husband did not. He didn't want the cat, so after trying to find it a home for a few weeks (during which time I got pretty attached), I took it to the shelter at his request. Afterwards I was upset (not that I complained to him, because I didn't), and he came to me and said, 'You love that cat, go back and get him.' So I did.

9 mos later, the cat is driving him crazy. It's a really good cat, just kittenish and kind of wild. Husband got angrier and angrier and less and less patient, until I finally decided I had to find another home for my beloved cat. It worked out ok, the new home was a good loving home, but I was devastated. I really loved that cat. I resigned myself to never having a pet again, because I never wanted to go through that again.

Fast forward 4 years, and husband out of the blue says to me, 'You should get a cat.' I say no, I'm never going to risk having my heart broken like that again. He argues and argues and promises up and down that he will never make me get rid of it again, and that if I bring a cat home it's there to stay, because we own our own house now, etc.

So, stupidly, I believed him. I went and adopted a kitten from the shelter. She was precious and we loved her. He loved her so much, he decided we should get a second to keep her company during the day. I was unsure about it, and voiced concerns that we got lucky with one that he could deal with, but he might not be able to handle 2. He actually pressed the issue! He even found the kitten he wanted to get! So we go to meet the kitten, and of course fall in love.

Fast forward 2 years, the kitten is a cat. He is a sweetheart, and of course I love him to death. But he has some behavior issues, lingering from a health problem (he sprays inside the house about 1x a week, after having a UTI). I'm committed to working with the vet to correct the issue, up to and including trying kitty prozac which we haven't tried yet. But husband is angry and frustrated again, and wants me to get rid of the cat. After promising he'd never make me do this again. My heart is breaking at the prospect. I'm considering separating. We do have some other issues, but this is truly the main one. Am I crazy to consider this over a pet? Has anyone else been in a situation like this? 

The problem is compounded by the fact that he's been out of work for about a year and is home with the cats all the time while I'm out working. Another reason this is such a Big Deal is that he doesn't want to have kids and got a vasectomy, while I was sort of on the fence. So the cats are like our kids to me.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

madamelibrarian said:


> My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years. We eloped when we were very young- I was 22 and he was 26. It's always been a rocky relationship, but we love each other. But now things are starting to fall apart- and it's because of our pets.



Maybe it's a good time to point out to your husband that without kids and without pets, a home is a pretty dry, sterile, BORING, place! If you two can't compromise on this issue, I don't think you are "crazy" to consider separating.

I grew up in a houseful of cats and other pets, and I loved it.

But I can understand his frustration if he's home with them all day and you are out. Do you live in an apartment or a house? Are these indoor cats? If so, then maybe consider turning them into outdoor cats and letting them spend half the day outside. Cats are smarter than you think, and if you slowly introduce them to the world outside, they find their way back with no problem. All of our cats went in and out as they pleased and it was not a problem. There's another bonus too - it also means you don't have to clean the litter box as often.


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