# Sex.... quality over quantity?



## PAV7879 (Jun 9, 2011)

My fiance and I have been together for 4 and a half years... I am 27 and he is 29..

At the beginning of our relationship, the sex was pretty constant as with most young couples just starting to date - at least once every time we saw each other. It gradually reduced as we moved in together a year and a half later and became more settled in our relationship. We now probably have sex 2-3 times per month. 

I absolutely love him more than anything and our relationship is perfect to me in every other way.. he is my best friend. When we DO have sex, it is amazing...extremely intimate...and extremely pleasing to both of us. It is the best sex both of us has ever had with anyone else and we have both verbally expressed that to one another many times.... 

So why is this happening so infrequently?? I don't get it.... he tells me he is tired... feeling self conscious about his body.... or some other excuse along those lines. I don't think I have an extremely high sex drive either - but I start to get antsy around the 2 week mark, and that's when I start feeling upset and a little bit unwanted. I feel like he is the guy and there must be something wrong for him not to want to do it more often... especially considering how great it is?! 

Should I just accept the infrequency since the quality of the sex is so good and every other aspect of our relationship is great? Or is this a precursor to other problems down the road... Sometimes I think I worry too much about what the "normal" amount is and am comparing us to other couples.... Ahhh.. I'm confused....


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Don't accept it.

Speak up.


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## freeshias4me (Dec 4, 2007)

But don't nag or whine... maybe just take the initiative... soft music at times, back rub, soft kisses...

My hubby only wants it every 3 or 4 WEEKS!!! And sometimes, at the beginning of the marriage already, when you're an insecure bride, no less. He's got just a naturally LOW sex drive to begin with, and then he's depressed on top of it all. 

The only thing that works for me pretty much 100%... While he's sleeping, start slowly giving him a hand job, or BJ 

Men get lax, too...When they know they "have the woman"...there's no working to keep her, so to speak... the hunt and catch is done.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

quantity IS quality. The more you do it the more you want it and the better it gets. Don't let it slip away!


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

You can have quality sex often.

What else is going on with him. Maybe he has a medical issue?

You need to get to the bottom of it, because feeling unwanted and un sexy isn't good and will lead your relationship to nowhere good.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Don't accept it.
> 
> Speak up.


:iagree: Non-confrontationally, but directly address it in as supportive and cooperative a manner as you can. Work together to get the bottom of it; whatever it takes. Perhaps just a low testosterone level... not his fault, and readily fixable. Do not accept a non-conclusion, you both are entitled to it.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

*Re: Sex....quality over quanity?*

could be medical. you say he is self conscious about his body. is he overweight? has he been to a doctor lately?

are you waiting for him to initiate or do you take the bull by the horns when necessary? while sex is good for you two, is it vanilla or can you spice it up?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Your needs aren't being met so you need to tell him that. Sex and libidos do change over time and then some more. Sometimes it's high, sometimes not as high but 2 times a month is hardly nothing, IMO. 

You're not even married yet!


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## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

*Re: Sex....quality over quanity?*

My suspicion from what you say is that he is feeling a little bit like he isn't good enough, or that you don't really desire him. He sounds to me like he is self conscious and wanting to please you in every way he can, but you know how it can be..... always the doubt in his mind. Prove him wrong.

Try being the aggressor occasionally. Jump him when he is least expecting it and don't take no for an answer. Be animalistic instead of demure, sink the fangs in a little, scratch the hell out of his back. Go a little wild on him every now and then, the added spice and that sort of desire from you will perk his interest up again.

Making love, as women like to call it, the sensual, soft, gentle creation that is the coming together of two souls.... yada yada yada...... it really isn't the 'thing' for men all the time. Lose the silk sheets, body rubs, loving caresses and rut like wild hyenas every now and then. That will keep a man coming back for more. 

Women want to be shown they are loved and desired, and we are generally fine with that, but we men also want to know we are wanted. We just want it shown in a different way to women! simples.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

> Try being the aggressor occasionally. Jump him when he is least expecting it and don't take no for an answer. Be animalistic instead of demure, sink the fangs in a little, scratch the hell out of his back. Go a little wild on him every now and then, the added spice and that sort of desire from you will perk his interest up again.


Do this. Men love this!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

My husband was like this and I hate to say it but it got worse way worse before it got better. It steadily declined down to about once every other month. Now I'm not saying this is what is going on with your husband but in my case mine was being passive aggressive. He wasn't happy with me even before we got married but felt trapped with no way out. And yes sex was great when we did have it. So that is not an indicator of what is really going on in his head. I heard every excuse for why there was not much sex and they were all wrong. It was me. And yes it started declining after we moved in together. Do not get married until you figure this out one way or another. It won't magically get better it usually gets worse.


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## Stuckinarut (Oct 11, 2010)

nader said:


> quantity IS quality. The more you do it the more you want it and the better it gets. Don't let it slip away!


Think I might go with this piece of advice


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I keep telling that to the cops who pull me over for speeding.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You be the aggressor. Have sex in different places, and different positions. Making love is great, but sometime a good ole F--k is what he wants. If he says he's tired, tell him great then I'll do all the work.

I bet deep down he is kinky, and doesn't want to express it. He sees you as the good girl, who never would do what he is thinking. He may think if he tells you, you may think less of him.

Talk with him about it, try exploring.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Read the book, THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES , Gary Chapman 

~sammy


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