# Observation / Question



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

So many posts in this section have so much history to them.

Am I correct in guessing that this is a very long stage for most people?


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## feelingblue (Sep 30, 2009)

Depending on the state you live in, it can be very long. In my state it must be at least 60 days from the time you file until it can be final. Mine will end up being more like 10-11 weeks because of the holidays.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I guess I was referring more to the time between saying "maybe we should try just separating and still work on things" to the time of "ok, let's end this."

Having trouble with patience right now. Wish I could read my wife's mind to find out if she's serious about working on our marriage or if she's just dragging out the inevitable.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

boy...do i know how you feel! i am so sorry that tou find yourself here!

my h is the same way...hes in hes out...

he is in a mlc right now...any worse idk.

we have been separated for almost 4 months and it is killing me...
i want nothing more than to work things out!

i have started no contact, it has only been 6 days so i really dont know what to make of it.it is VERY hard for me...

I will say patience is one of the keys...i did alot wrong and when i thought things were getting better...i was only pushing him further away...


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## vgbk (Oct 13, 2009)

Its been 5 months of separation for me but we still had so much contact that it felt so confusing to me. Now I think I have to start the no contact phase its gonna be so hard like for lost1234 . Like you I think I have also pushed him away. Not being able to let him go and trying so hard to make him stay has only made him resent me more. So what I have to do is work on patience and not behaving on what my emotions are driving me to do.
I think in the beginning he just wanted to separate to try to figure things out but he is leaning more and more to feeling that maybe he is better this way.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

VGBK,

Get a copy of Divorce Remedy by Michelle Weiner-Davis. She wrote Divorce Busting - but DR is more of a practical guide. Also a website with online community. SOme here have mentioned this to me before, but I just got the book and have been going online there reading posts. There is a lot help and ideas on what and how to do things. Talks about all kinds of situations. just my .02


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

What about Love Must be Tough by Dobson. Have seen that referenced here, but then read a review that it was more applicable to life in the 1950s than today's society.

We are still moving my wife out, and we wanted to decorate the xmas tree as a family. A few last things to move tomorrow - and the tree is done - so hopefully this weekend we'll actually start this.

Therapy appointment on Tuesday. Hopefully Therapist can help us set some ground-rules.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It can be a long stage. For me it was almost a year. But the process continues. 

Tough Love or Divorce Remedy are good guides. Many of the no contact ideas are similiar.


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