# H



## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

hello


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

sofia.ac said:


> Hello there, I’ve been in a long distance relationship for about 9 months, he has visit me several times and we are soon to be engaged. Since we met he said was a doctor and turns out I just found out he’s a nurse. What should I do or say? I’m so afraid to confront him and I’m worry about how many more things he might lied about. I don’t care if he’s a bus driver, doctor, chef etc, I do care about him lying all this time, I don’t understand why, I need advices please


He's probably ashamed to be a nurse.
Many men in traditional societies have a sense of shame to be in a traditional female occupation and there is the possibility that he has been shamed in past relationships by women who look down on him for being a nurse.
My response would be tempered as to his ambition.
Does he want to be a doctor and is he working towards that?


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> He's probably ashamed to be a nurse.
> Many men in traditional societies have a sense of shame to be in a traditional female occupation and there is the possibility that he has been shamed in past relationships by women who look down on him for being a nurse.
> My response would be tempered as to his ambition.
> Does he want to be a doctor and is he working towards that?


Thanks for your response, I’m being honest, I don’t know if he’s working towards that, I just found out few minutes ago. All he said was he was doing residency.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

sofia.ac said:


> Thanks for your response, I’m being honest, I don’t know if he’s working towards that, I just found out few minutes ago. All he said was he was doing residency.


That's what you have to find out.
For some, nursing is a transition job on the way to becoming a doctor, because there is a ton of training that nurses get that are really helpful in their future training as a doctor.
You also have to weight this one lie vs his overall character. A single act of failure in his character does not mean that he is an overall unreliable dude. 
He shouldn't have lied, because he could have termed it different. "Right now, I am a nurse, but I am working towards becoming a doctor." That would have been better.


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> That's what you have to find out.
> For some, nursing is a transition job on the way to becoming a doctor, because there is a ton of training that nurses get that are really helpful in their future training as a doctor.
> You also have to weight this one lie vs his overall character. A single act of failure in his character does not mean that he is an overall unreliable dude.
> He shouldn't have lied, because he could have termed it different. "Right now, I am a nurse, but I am working towards becoming a doctor." That would have been better.


Yes right it might be the case, the only way for me to know is asking him, I am a very compassionate and understanding person and I take lies very personal, if he lies in small things, he can lie about big things too. What would you do if you find out your significant other lies about her/his career?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Lying about your job to your potential fiancé is quite serious, it’s not a small thing.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

sofia.ac said:


> Since we met he said was a doctor and turns out I just found out he’s a nurse. What should I do or say? I’m so afraid to confront him and *I’m worry about how many more things he might lied about. *I don’t care if he’s a bus driver, doctor, chef etc,* I do care about him lying all this time*, I don’t understand why, I need advices please


Have you caught him in any other lies?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

sofia.ac said:


> Yes right it might be the case, the only way for me to know is asking him, I am a very compassionate and understanding person and I take lies very personal, if he lies in small things, he can lie about big things too. What would you do if you find out your significant other lies about her/his career?


It all depends on the context of his lie and why he lied.
If the person lied to me about their occupation because of deep personal shame, it might be ok because they are responding to people from their past as to how they were treated in their situation. Maybe he had a past girlfriend who left him deep wounds because he wasn't a doctor. I can't blame somebody for responding to their deep wounds.
I would make it clear that I wasn't ashamed of them being a nurse, but do not lie about anything else.
My ability to be in a relationship with them is going to depend on their integrity.

I knew a girl from the Philippines. She was doing the same thing, giving me the impression that she was a better off Filipino than she was. She took fake pictures of her television and houses and other things, that gave me the impression that she was better than she was. I finally went out to meet her and it turns out that she was quite impoverished, even by Philippine standards. She was ashamed of her poverty and couldn't bear to tell me that until I saw how she was living and it could no longer be denied. I told her that I was not ashamed of her being so poor, but don't lie to me in the future about anything. I've since helped her buy some land and build a house and she has a small business that lets her get by financially. It wasn't shameful to me that she was so poor, but she was reacting deeply to the shame that existed in her culture.


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

Cynthia said:


> Have you caught him in any other lies?


Honestly no! Sometimes he avoids my questions and answers after 3 times me asking him, for example, one time he went on a supposedly work training on a weekend, did not respond my calls, very late text responses and I asked him where are you, where is the training at, and did not respond until like 2 weeks later when I asked again “hey you never told me when was the training at” then he responded


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> It all depends on the context of his lie and why he lied.
> If the person lied to me about their occupation because of deep personal shame, it might be ok because they are responding to people from their past as to how they were treated in their situation. Maybe he had a past girlfriend who left him deep wounds because he wasn't a doctor. I can't blame somebody for responding to their deep wounds.
> I would make it clear that I wasn't ashamed of them being a nurse, but do not lie about anything else.
> My ability to be in a relationship with them is going to depend on their integrity.
> ...


Now that I remember he did mentioned once, he dated someone from work, from the hospital (he doesn’t work there anymore) and he caught her dating or having something with a doctor, so I kinda get maybe why he’s been pretending he’s a surgeon when he’s not. Thanks for sharing that experience, I come from a humble family, he does too, he mentioned he’s the only one in his family that haves a degree. I truly love him and want him to show me his truly colors, I guess I need to know him more to marry him.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

sofia.ac said:


> Now that I remember he did mentioned once, he dated someone from work, from the hospital (he doesn’t work there anymore) and he caught her dating or having something with a doctor, so I kinda get maybe why he’s been pretending he’s a surgeon when he’s not. Thanks for sharing that experience, I come from a humble family, he does too, he mentioned he’s the only one in his family that haves a degree. I truly love him and want him to show me his truly colors, I guess I need to know him more to marry him.


If that's the only lie he told you, I could probably let that slide by, as long as that is the only untruth he told you.
Definitely get to know him better., to ensure that he is being truthful about other things.


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> If that's the only lie he told you, I could probably let that slide by, as long as that is the only untruth he told you.
> Definitely get to know him better., to ensure that he is being truthful about other things.


Thank you so much for your answers 🙌


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sofia.ac said:


> Hello there, I’ve been in a long distance relationship for about 9 months, he has visit me several times and we are soon to be engaged. Since we met he said was a doctor and turns out I just found out he’s a nurse. What should I do or say? I’m so afraid to confront him and I’m worry about how many more things he might lied about. I don’t care if he’s a bus driver, doctor, chef etc, I do care about him lying all this time, I don’t understand why, I need advices please


How did you find out that he's a nurse?


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

EleGirl said:


> How did you find out that he's a nurse?



I was looking for pictures of his house on google and I found a page where I found his full name, profession and address, then searched it on LinkedIn and yeap he was there and I saw his full CV as well. I honestly searched his name on google before and nothing came up until now


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

sofia.ac said:


> Thank you so much for your answers 🙌


I would suggest you be very cautious about getting engaged to someone who can lie to you like this on serious matters.

It may be as others suggested and it’s more embarrassment than anytihg but I would advise you slow down the engagement process until you are certain he is not lying about other things.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

sofia.ac said:


> I was looking for pictures of his house on google and I found a page where I found his full name, profession and address, then searched it on LinkedIn and yeap he was there and I saw his full CV as well. I honestly searched his name on google before and nothing came up until now


Good job.


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I would suggest you be very cautious about getting engaged to someone who can lie to you like this on serious matters.
> 
> It may be as others suggested and it’s more embarrassment than anytihg but I would advise you slow down the engagement process until you are certain he is not lying about other things.


I am definitely taking the advice, thank you !!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It doesn't really make sense to lie to a woman, about his vocation, that he plans on marrying.

You actually should confront him about it and get to the bottom of it.

You can let him know up front that you are wanting him regardless of what he does but lying to you is a real concern.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> It doesn't really make sense to lie to a woman, about his vocation, that he plans on marrying.
> 
> You actually should confront him about it and get to the bottom of it.
> 
> You can let him know up front that you are wanting him regardless of what he does but lying to you is a real concern.


Or she can tell him upfront that lying is a dealbreaker.

I recommend you don’t get engaged this isn’t a mistake it’s deliberate deception. In addition being long distance you have no idea what else he has lied about.

what if he’s lying about dating other people? The medical profession is full of unfaithful people.

I’d seriously have to rethink anyone that straight up lied like that. Marriage is about trust.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

sofia.ac said:


> Thanks for your response, I’m being honest, I don’t know if he’s working towards that, I just found out few minutes ago. All he said was he was doing residency.


Residency means one is already an MD not working towards it. Could he be a Nurse Practitioner, that is in between an RN and an MD, they can treat and prescribe, still not a doctor. Are you sure you are getting engaged soon? He might play this game with multiple women. Men who lie to get women like this are a lower form of man that should be avoided. Confront him about it and find out what is going on.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

sofia.ac said:


> Hello there, I’ve been in a long distance relationship for about 9 months, he has visit me several times and we are soon to be engaged. Since we met he said was a doctor and turns out I just found out he’s a nurse. What should I do or say? I’m so afraid to confront him and I’m worry about how many more things he might lied about. I don’t care if he’s a bus driver, doctor, chef etc, I do care about him lying all this time, I don’t understand why, I need advices please


You have a big problem. You are now doubting everything he says and wondering what else he has lied about. This is a reasonable concern to have.



sofia.ac said:


> Honestly no! Sometimes he avoids my questions and answers after 3 times me asking him, for example, one time he went on a supposedly work training on a weekend, did not respond my calls, very late text responses and I asked him where are you, where is the training at, and did not respond until like 2 weeks later when I asked again “hey you never told me when was the training at” then he responded


He is unresponsive to your reasonable questions. This is a huge red flag.



sofia.ac said:


> I was looking for pictures of his house on google and I found a page where I found his full name, profession and address, then searched it on LinkedIn and yeap he was there and I saw his full CV as well. I honestly searched his name on google before and nothing came up until now


Didn't you know his full name before? This seems extremely odd.

This situation is sounding more concerning the more you tell us.

I don't think you ought to trust him based on these things, not only about his lying about what he does for a living.


You have a big problem. You no longer trust him.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Liars lie. You only know the tip of the iceberg. Dating is a tryout. He failed. Dump him now or you’ll regret it later.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> Or she can tell him upfront that lying is a dealbreaker.
> 
> I recommend you don’t get engaged this isn’t a mistake it’s deliberate deception. In addition being long distance you have no idea what else he has lied about.
> 
> ...


I'm quite tired and I totally missed that angle. (Tips the hat.)

Too many red flags for comfort.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

sofia.ac said:


> Now that I remember he did mentioned once, he dated someone from work, from the hospital (he doesn’t work there anymore) and he caught her dating or having something with a doctor, so I kinda get maybe why he’s been pretending he’s a surgeon when he’s not. Thanks for sharing that experience, I come from a humble family, he does too, he mentioned he’s the only one in his family that haves a degree. I truly love him and want him to show me his truly colors, I guess I need to know him more to marry him.


Wait a minute, he's pretending he's a -surgeon-? In that case, the notion that he's jumping ahead a bit and is simply a nurse-but-doctor-in-making doesn't fly as far.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yeah, he went for top of the doctor pile with his choice — surgeon. I don’t see that somehow coexisting with even a NP. Sounds like a deliberate lie, unfortunately.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sofia.ac said:


> I was looking for pictures of his house on google and I found a page where I found his full name, profession and address, then searched it on LinkedIn and yeap he was there and I saw his full CV as well. I honestly searched his name on google before and nothing came up until now


Have you met him in person? If so, how much time have the two of you spent together, in person?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Honestly, nurses rock and I would much rather work with most of them (as an emergency medical technician) than most doctors.

I'm not slamming doctors but nurses are generally so much more capable and better to work with them most doctors in fast life and death situations.

Nurses have my respect.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Honestly, nurses rock and I would much rather work with most of them (as an emergency medical technician) than most doctors.
> 
> I'm not slamming doctors but nurses are generally so much more capable and better to work with them most doctors in fast life and death situations.
> 
> Nurses have my respect.


The cardiologist, who I love, didn’t hold my hand while they put in my husbands pacemaker. Anyone who says nursing isn’t a serious profession or something “silly for girls” can go F themselves. That’s the work. That’s real medicine, helping people. It takes strength to help someone through something like that. “Girl’s job”? Damn right.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

TexasMom1216 said:


> The cardiologist, who I love, didn’t hold my hand while they put in my husbands pacemaker. Anyone who says nursing isn’t a serious profession or something “silly for girls” can go F themselves. That’s the work. That’s real medicine, helping people. It takes strength to help someone through something like that. “Girl’s job”? Damn right.


As an EMT, I had a much better rapport with nurses when it came to immediate life and death situations.

As they are trained today, I would trust my family's health and well being to them easily.

For the vast majority of health problems, nurses are the go to health professionals.

I do not disrespect doctors at all but they are quite a bit distanced and specialized these days unless you get someone who has "lowered" themselves to a clinic and interested in local people.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> As an EMT, I had a much better rapport with nurses when it came to immediate life and death situations.
> 
> As they are trained today, I would trust my family's health and well being to them easily.
> 
> ...


The cardiologist saved my husbands life. He is a wonderful man. But the idea that nurses aren’t worthy of respect is frankly, enraging.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> The cardiologist saved my husbands life. He is a wonderful man. But the idea that nurses aren’t worthy of respect is frankly, enraging.


And don’t get me started about hospice nurses. Those folks are angels on earth pure and simple. They are the strongest and most compassionate people I’ve ever met.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Massive red flag for me.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

sofia.ac said:


> Hello there, I’ve been in a long distance relationship for about 9 months, he has visit me several times and we are soon to be engaged. Since we met he said was a doctor and turns out I just found out he’s a nurse. What should I do or say? I’m so afraid to confront him and I’m worry about how many more things he might lied about. I don’t care if he’s a bus driver, doctor, chef etc, I do care about him lying all this time, I don’t understand why, I need advices please


HUGE red flags. 1st you barely know this guy & you are using the word "engaged" after only 9 months. Just no. You can't go from LDR to engaged / married. You need to be in the same place & date conventionally for a while before you think seriously about marriage. Stop jumping the gun. 

If you were not LDR he could not have maintained this lie. Personally I couldn't get past the lie. If he is lying about this -- something so simple to verify -- he must think you the fool to be so brazen. It's also evidence that you can't believe anything he says. Do you really want to spend your life questioning everything your partner says to you?

I think you need to break up. I don't see how this can work. Trust is gone. Without trust you can't have a healthy relationship. Think about it. You would have loved him no matter what but he didn't trust you enough to be truthful. 





sofia.ac said:


> I truly love him and want him to show me his truly colors, I guess I need to know him more to marry him.


No, you think you love him. 9 months long distance means you barely know him. You can't marry him because he has shown you his true colors. He is an untrustworthy LIAR. Do you honestly think you can build a good future on that foundation?


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> It doesn't really make sense to lie to a woman, about his vocation


Unless he works for the CIA.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

sofia.ac said:


> Honestly no! Sometimes he avoids my questions and answers after 3 times me asking him, for example, one time he went on a supposedly work training on a weekend, did not respond my calls, very late text responses and I asked him where are you, where is the training at, and did not respond until like 2 weeks later when I asked again “hey you never told me when was the training at” then he responded


I want to pick up on this also, alongside the lying about his profession. Do I understand correctly that he went on a work training weekend, but did not respond to you for 2 weeks?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

That you would get engaged to, and claim to be in love with, and actually get engaged to a oerson you barely know and have basically had a “virtual” relationship with…,…., Is not healthy. Never marry someone you don’t really know, and until you’ve spent lots of in person time with them, met their family and friends, it’s crazy to consider it.

Of course he has lied to you and hidden things from you about his life. That’s what someone in a virtual relationship does. Marry someone you actually know. All you know about this person is what they tell you. And you’ve already found out he will lie.

my vote is to dump him for good.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

All that being said, his self-authored LinkedIn profile, and the info you found online is not "truth", it could easily be outdated or incorrect. You have to ask him.


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## Trustless Marriage (Mar 1, 2021)

He could have told you that to get in your pants quicker. Some guys are users and once they are done with you they are out the door. I hope this is not the case. But who knows - maybe he is married too! You can't trust long distance relationships. How many times have you visited him? If zero maybe there is a reason. If you ever watched Cheaters on TV, if the guy is always visiting you and never him that's a red flag. 

When my wife was younger and dating, she was being used left and right but she couldn't figure it out. In fact one time she went to visit her boyfriend at his apartment because he wasn't answering his phone. His roommate answered the door and said that he moved out and left the state. Didn't even tell her lol. The moral of the story is that you need to confront him. Pay attention not so much to what is being said but what ISN'T being said. Ask lot's of questions about himself that you hadn't asked before. Good luck!


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

So, if I were you, I would just ask him about it, and I wouldn't let him get away with not answering my question. You said that he has a habit of doing this, which really isn't a good communication skill at all. If you're planning a life with someone, you want that person to be open and honest, and you guys need to be able to open up and speak freely to one another.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

sofia.ac said:


> Hello there, I’ve been in a long distance relationship for about 9 months, he has visit me several times and we are soon to be engaged. Since we met he said was a doctor and turns out I just found out he’s a nurse. What should I do or say? I’m so afraid to confront him and I’m worry about how many more things he might lied about. I don’t care if he’s a bus driver, doctor, chef etc, I do care about him lying all this time, I don’t understand why, I need advices please


What good will confronting him even do. You know he did it and is a liar, so simply do not marry him and break off the engagement. There is nothing worse than a chronic liar. That will only be the tip of the iceberg. If he will lie about that, he'll lie about anything and everything. If he's that status conscious, he'll be going into debt living above his means to keep up the illusion and be a financial disaster. He'll lie when he has affairs, of course, needless to say. He's probably lying right now about being committed to you. He is probably talking to lots of women on the internet. You know he is a scammer, so please use your head and break off with him. Don't go having kids with a chronic liar.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

If someone lies about something that doesn’t matter (like being a male nurse, which no one cares about) then what else is he lying about? If a person lies about little things, they lie about big things too. (In general, I’m sure someone will pounce and talk about little white lies like “yes you look pretty in that” or some such. This is a new relationship and he’s lying already about something unimportant, it erodes trust).


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> If someone lies about something that doesn’t matter (like being a male nurse, which no one cares about) then what else is he lying about? If a person lies about little things, they lie about big things too. (In general, I’m sure someone will pounce and talk about little white lies like “yes you look pretty in that” or some such. This is a new relationship and he’s lying already about something unimportant, it erodes trust).


100% this.
Lying about what my occupation is, no matter the reason why, is not a small thing.

Which begs 2 questions
1. Why lie?
2. What else is he lying about?

Eyes wide open OP. Don't trust him.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Ursula said:


> So, if I were you, I would just ask him about it, and I wouldn't let him get away with not answering my question. You said that he has a habit of doing this, which really isn't a good communication skill at all. If you're planning a life with someone, you want that person to be open and honest, and you guys need to be able to open up and speak freely to one another.


If he doesn't answer your questions and he lies to you, it's not a real relationship. He is developing a fantasy bubble that you have engaged in with him. You cannot have a healthy relationship without healthy communication.

If you were my daughter, I'd tell you to call him up and break it off, then block him, and move on. Living with someone that treats you this way would be hellacious.


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Residency means one is already an MD not working towards it. Could he be a Nurse Practitioner, that is in between an RN and an MD, they can treat and prescribe, still not a doctor. Are you sure you are getting engaged soon? He might play this game with multiple women. Men who lie to get women like this are a lower form of man that should be avoided. Confront him about it and find out what is going on.


I definitely want and need to confront him, I’m waiting for the right moment, I feel scared and hope this is the only lie…


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

I


Cynthia said:


> You have a big problem. You are now doubting everything he says and wondering what else he has lied about. This is a reasonable concern to have.
> 
> 
> He is unresponsive to your reasonable questions. This is a huge red flag.
> ...


 I have always known his full name and always searched on google and social media about him and I swear nothing came up!! This time I searched for his address on google and this website showed that yes his the owner and his occupation, I was shocked and still can’t believe it


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

Yes


EleGirl said:


> Have you met him in person? If so, how much time have the two of you spent together, in person?


 Yes we met after 2 weeks of constant calls and video calls, he visits me every 2-3 months and we spent at least 4-5 days together each time, he have met my parents as well, he introduced his mother by video call as well


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

I 


Cynthia said:


> If he doesn't answer your questions and he lies to you, it's not a real relationship. He is developing a fantasy bubble that you have engaged in with him. You cannot have a healthy relationship without healthy communication.
> 
> If you were my daughter, I'd tell you to call him up and break it off, then block him, and move on. Living with someone that treats you this way would be hellacious.


I haven’t tell my friends or even my mother who’s my best friend cause I feel embarrassed by the fact he’s been lying in my face 


MarmiteC said:


> I want to pick up on this also, alongside the lying about his profession. Do I understand correctly that he went on a work training weekend, but did not respond to you for 2 weeks?


We talked during that time everyday per normal and I just waited a good moment to ask him where the training was and he responded but never send me pictures of it …


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> Yeah, he went for top of the doctor pile with his choice — surgeon. I don’t see that somehow coexisting with even a NP. Sounds like a deliberate lie, unfortunately.


right! I’m reading all the comments and I feel like throwing up, I want to ask him now and confront him, I just lost a very close family member last night and I haven’t been able to sleep I feel in deep pain for my loss and for the truth I found out, I feel like confronting him now is not the best for my heart, can’t describe how it feels


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I understand your embarrassment, but he's the one that did wrong, not you. Please tell your mother and your friends. They won't be mad at you.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Oh dear, I'm sorry for your loss.

The pain you are feeling is from a broken heart from the loss of your loved one and from your world being turned upside down due to his lie.


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

Cynthia said:


> I understand your embarrassment, but he's the one that did wrong, not you. Please tell your mother and your friends. They won't be mad at you.


Thank you dear, will do, do you think it’s better to confront him by phone call or ask him now that he’s working by text and wait for a respond?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

sofia.ac said:


> Thank you dear, will do, do you think it’s better to confront him by phone call or ask him now that he’s working by text and wait for a respond?


Wait until you have his full attention. Make it a phone call, so you can hear his voice and he yours.
But I also think you should tell your mom and close friends first. You need their love and support.


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## sofia.ac (10 mo ago)

Cynthia said:


> Oh dear, I'm sorry for your loss.
> 
> The pain you are feeling is from a broken heart from the loss of your loved one and from your world being turned upside down due to his lie.


Thank you so much, and yes I feel my heart I’m my stomach, took the day off of work cause I can’t work like this, and I feel if I confront him now I might feel worse 😔 I actually asked him this morning by text if he was a nurse and I deleted the message after I found out my loved one passed out this morning, I’m like I can only deal with one thing now, what a timing!


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Hugs to you. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. It's okay to feel this bad. It's part of the process of working through these hard things.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

sofia.ac said:


> Yes we met after 2 weeks of constant calls and video calls, he visits me every 2-3 months and we spent at least 4-5 days together each time, he have met my parents as well, he introduced his mother by video call as well


Still not nearly enough interactions to be talking about marriage. Slow your roll. 




sofia.ac said:


> right! I’m reading all the comments and I feel like throwing up, I want to ask him now and confront him, I just lost a very close family member last night and I haven’t been able to sleep I feel in deep pain for my loss and for the truth I found out, I feel like confronting him now is not the best for my heart, can’t describe how it feels





sofia.ac said:


> Thank you dear, will do, do you think it’s better to confront him by phone call or ask him now that he’s working by text and wait for a respond?


First & most importantly I am sorry about the death in your family. Put the emphasis where it belongs: there. 

Second do not confront him. Confront is such a horrible, destructive concept. It's what cops do to suspects. You want to have a discussion with him. 

Before you even start down this path do a bit more digging. Assuming you a in a place that licenses both doctors & nurses, go to the government run websites for the boards for the respective professions & type his name into both. See what comes up. If you find a nursing license but not a medical licenses you have incontrovertible proof that he lied. So what's the point of continuing with a liar? No vomiting needed. Steel yourself to the cold truth. End it & move along. Confrontation won't fix this because you can't ever trust him again. 

I suppose sending a text that simple says 

You lied about being a doctor. I'm done​
would be OK. You aren't going to do that thought. You foolishly think this can be salvaged. If you that is your goal, text is the worst medium possible. This is such a hot, emotional & volatile topic. You will need all the non-verbal cues which will be lost over text & even phone. In person would be best but video will suffice if that is all you can muster with the distance. You have to be able to look in his eyes when you talk to him about this. Does he look remorseful or is it another line of BS he's throwing at you?


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

sofia.ac said:


> Hello there, I’ve been in a long distance relationship for about 9 months, he has visit me several times and we are soon to be engaged. Since we met he said was a doctor and turns out I just found out he’s a nurse. What should I do or say? I’m so afraid to confront him and I’m worry about how many more things he might lied about. I don’t care if he’s a bus driver, doctor, chef etc, I do care about him lying all this time, I don’t understand why, I need advices please


Dump him. Or date another year. No sex, and no comingling money, and don't live together.
He didn't think he was worthy of you. Watch for future questionable things, observe, see if he can pull an adequate man frame. Time will tell if he is your king or pauper. He will tell if you are a high value woman. Are you?


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

How are things @sofia.ac?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

He is hiding a lot. Nurses don’t take weekend training sessions where they can’t have access to their phones. 
It’s one thing if he came clean about his lie, it’s a whole other thing that you had to find out. I am telling you, he is lying and hiding about way more. 

He is 100% not husband material! 

You don’t deserve this. You shouldn’t have to snoop around your future husbands back to get simple information, like what he does for a living. 

If I were you, I would be furious. I wouldn’t worry about how to confront this issue. It’s a huge issue. I would be mad, aggressive, and blunt about it asap. Because if you really think about it, there is no good reason to lie this late In your relationship, especially since you guys talked about marriage. 

Dump him. It’s inexcusable. How can you trust him after that. He couldn’t even answer where he was that weekend right away. It doesn’t matter what he is hiding, what matters is that THAT behavior is not going to cut it. It doesn’t matter what his reason is.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

sofia.ac said:


> I definitely want and need to confront him, I’m waiting for the right moment, I feel scared and hope this is the only lie…


He is located far away, he could be lying about many other things. The lie he told you is no small matter. I think it is time to reconsider this relationship.


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