# Day by day!



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Some of you are new here and for you it sucks. I know, I was there. But all I can tell you is that it gets better. Much better if you let it. Way better than it ever was before.

Everyday, now I realize more and more how much better off I am not being married to someone who didn't love me the way I needed to be loved, or wanted to be loved. Sometimes I am almost giddy over the possibilities I have now that I am in sole control of my life.

I never imagined in a hundred years I would be able to say that, especially early on.

But it is true. I now have more money than I ever had at any other point in my life. I make more money than I ever did at any other point in my life. I have more control over how I spend my money, what I spend my money on and who I spend my money on. Aside from the financial aspects. I also have complete control over my personal life. I can see who I want. I can travel wherever I want. I can watch whatever I want on TV. I can play my stereo as loud and as late as I want. I can sleep in, stay up late or take a nap whenever I feel like it. I have developed real personal relationships with my children based on who I am and who they are. I am no longer restrained by having to present a common front as part of a "we" that I often disagreed with. I can be honest with my kids in ways I never could before. I own my own house. I can decorate it however I want with things that mean something to me. 

I have had at least three major relationships in the two and half years since my divorce. And probably another three semi-major ones. Rather than be devastated that things didn't work out in them, instead I have learned from them. I have grown. I am confident in myself again. I KNOW I have value. I KNOW who I am and what I want. I could not say the same while I was married or right after the divorce.

I have a date tonight. I am looking forward to meeting this woman for the first time face to face (met her on Match) I have no expectations if anything will come of it or not. I don't know whether I will find her attractive in person, whether there will be any sexual chemistry, I have no expectations of having sex with her or having any kind of a long term relationship with her. But I do know it is new and I am excited. If it doesn't work out? So what, there are plenty of fish in the sea. 

I am optimistic for my future for perhaps the first time in all my life, if I am honest about it. Because I am now firmly in control of my life. I realize now that much of the unhappiness and discomfort of my life was because I had ceded that control over to my wife, my family, society or whomever. But now for the first time I realize that I AM in control. I can make whatever I want out of my life. 

So can you!


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Ynot said:


> Some of you are new here and for you it sucks. I know, I was there. But all I can tell you is that it gets better. Much better if you let it. Way better than it ever was before.
> 
> Everyday, now I realize more and more how much better off I am not being married to someone who didn't love me the way I needed to be loved, or wanted to be loved. Sometimes I am almost giddy over the possibilities I have now that I am in sole control of my life.
> 
> ...


Love this post thanks for sharing, I have been trying to focus on everything you just shared with us. Enjoy your date.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

MovingForward said:


> Love this post thanks for sharing, I have been trying to focus on everything you just shared with us. Enjoy your date.


Thanks. It is sad that some of my fellow "survivors" don't chime in to pay it forward to those following in our foot steps by posting about their recoveries.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Ynot said:


> Thanks. It is sad that some of my fellow "survivors" don't chime in to pay it forward to those following in our foot steps by posting about their recoveries.


I'm not a survivor yet I am still bobbing in the water but will be swimming free soon :grin2: I have read so many different stories on here and took something away from most so like people being active, I will be posting regularly for myself as a stress relief, to get some encouragement from time to time and to share mistakes I make and things I do right with the hope that it helps someone else going through the same thing in the future.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

MovingForward said:


> I'm not a survivor yet I am still bobbing in the water but will be swimming free soon :grin2: I have read so many different stories on here and took something away from most so like people being active, I will be posting regularly for myself as a stress relief, to get some encouragement from time to time and to share mistakes I make and things I do right with the hope that it helps someone else going through the same thing in the future.


Great! But one thing to keep in mind - you don't make mistakes. You only find new ways NOT to do something! Good luck moving forward, It is your chance to reinvent yourself. Don't try to be a better you. Instead become a new you!


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