# Damsel in distress play



## runningman1 (May 7, 2012)

I havent done this with my wife and cant bring it up as I am embarrased

Does anyone else feel bad or "dirty" over their fantasies and is it normal to feel this way ? I suppose mine are not as bad as some but I still feel so very guilty


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

there are fantasies that i could see feeling guilty about, this isnt one of them


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## runningman1 (May 7, 2012)

Okeydokie

You are right I know I shouldnt feel guilty not sure how to bring subject up


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

its tough to do. the risk that it would be met with rejection and or mockery is there. i only brought up one of mine with my wife once, and she laughed (its nothing too far out of line), so thats it, no more.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

runningman1 said:


> Okeydokie
> 
> You are right I know I shouldnt feel guilty not sure how to bring subject up


I don't think you should feel guilty about this fantasy. Just broach the subject of fantasies, and see what hers are. Then when she asks about yours (or when you talk about yours), just start off with saying that you are a bit shy about this but.... and just say it.

If she's uncomfortable with anything just calmly and lovingly figure out why. Just treat the whole thing with love, and if it's meant to be she'll say yes.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I don't know what that is. I googled it and there was a link back to here....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lol my guess is that its some sort of roleplay fantasy?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

diwali123 said:


> I don't know what that is. I googled it and there was a link back to here....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Damsel in distress - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Jump to fetishes 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

some of my fantasies are pretty damn dark - there is a difference between a fantasy you would be happy to play out and others that should be locked in a box forever heh heh

this is a pretty easy one to broach I think, talk about it first and see how she feels, you have to get past the embarrassment or feeling like a pr*t!


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## runningman1 (May 7, 2012)

I must approach her about this

But its difficult to tell the one you love you want them in Lingerie stockings and heels tied up or tied to a chair and silenced

Would you find this weird I am anxious of making a fool of myself !!


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## Seawolf (Oct 10, 2011)

You need to man up. She may laugh, she may say no, but if you make it clear it is all in good fun and just want to try it out, I think you'll be successful. It may take you several attempts before you get a yes though, so be strong and vulnerable to her. Combine it with telling her that you want to do this WITH HER because while other men may fantasize about other women, she is your fantasy and you want to see her in these different roles with you. How can she really say no to that?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Its not weird. My hubby told me about his fantasy when we were discussing sex one day. So I know what he wants to do and I have kept an open mind about it but I'm still deciding if I would be comfortable and brave enough to do it or not. So, when you tell her I'm sure she will consider it for a bit before deciding. You can even give her the option to think it over as long as she wants. That's what my hubby did anyway lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## runningman1 (May 7, 2012)

Thanks all bit new to all this but must tell her and yes I must "man up"

Approach the subject carefully is the best approach I had a previous girlfriend years ago who actually told me she wanted to be tied up and gagged !! what a turn on that was !!

Will let you know how I get on !


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

What is wrong with that fantasy? I think you are way too hard on yourself. 

I am just starting to have a lot of fantasies did not have many before now. I do feel inhibited and a little bad about them. I don't tell my husband because of that. My problem is that I was a devout Catholic while growing up. 

I was thought that even thinking of something sinful was a stain on my soul. I got the feeling that God could see my thoughts and judge me for them. I know that not true but can't get rid of the feeling. 

Is your problem religious like mine?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I like the fantasy and don't think it is far out. Sounds like fun thanks for sharing. I hope that helps you to be more confident. Even if your wife does not like it please know that there is nothing wrong or dirty at all.


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## runningman1 (May 7, 2012)

Catherine

Thanks - you into that ?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I would be turned on by that, I wish my husband had fantasies he would share.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## runningman1 (May 7, 2012)

Thanks all

I have had this fantasy for years I must approach it. This is a major turn on for me


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I would do it gladly. I like mild restraint - necktie on wrist tied to bed. I am a little inhibited. So you see if it appeals to me it should not rise eyebrows of an inhibited woman who is a little bawdy. (my iPhone corrected my mis spelling of bawdy to nasty. Smart iPhone) ;8}.

I hope you get to do it.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

not weird at all - hot!! I wish my H had wanted to do that to me


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## runningman1 (May 7, 2012)

its a no go bought subject up really nicley and calmly but she says she is just not into being tied to a chair or tied up and gagged at all. Ah well back to once every 6 weeks missionary lights out fluffy up to the neck nightie

Dont get me wrong I did not just say "I want to tie you up" i gave her the scenario of light restraints and damsel in distress stuff - it was her that said "I dont want to be tied up and gagged I am not into that" May I also point out this is just what it is fantasy DID stuff never in a million years would I hurt my precious wife this is just mild bondage that is all

Thanks for your input and ladies - thanks for your input and your husbands/boyfriends are lucky lucky men I must accept that I will never fullfill this fantasy, I am begining to feel that sex is not important to her at all or certainly not anything I suggest. Can only go back to fantasis of the last girl I was with eho loved it and that was nearly 30 years ago


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

Running....sorry you didnt get what you would like....it wasnt exactly unreasonable.

Hate to tell you this, but if you are genuinely 'once every six weeks missionary, lights out...'.....see you back here in afew months time; 'Thinking of separating'...'She ignores me sexually'....etc.

I hope you havent got children.....if you havent and are thinkiing about having them...PLEASE think very very carefully indeed before.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Jump to fetishes
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


so am I the horse, the dragon or St. George?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> so am I the horse, the dragon or St. George?


:lol::lol::rofl::rofl:


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

runningman1 said:


> its a no go bought subject up really nicley and calmly but she says she is just not into being tied to a chair or tied up and gagged at all. Ah well back to once every 6 weeks missionary lights out fluffy up to the neck nightie
> 
> Dont get me wrong I did not just say "I want to tie you up" i gave her the scenario of light restraints and damsel in distress stuff - it was her that said "I dont want to be tied up and gagged I am not into that" May I also point out this is just what it is fantasy DID stuff never in a million years would I hurt my precious wife this is just mild bondage that is all
> 
> Thanks for your input and ladies - thanks for your input and your husbands/boyfriends are lucky lucky men I must accept that I will never fullfill this fantasy, I am begining to feel that sex is not important to her at all or certainly not anything I suggest. Can only go back to fantasis of the last girl I was with eho loved it and that was nearly 30 years ago


Well at least you let her know exactly what you would like to try. She may surprise you by going along with it later on down the road. Either way you told her so she will probably be mulling it over from now on and may change her mind later.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

But don't hold your breath.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Did sound like she was leaving the.door open for acting out without restraints. She could close her eyes and put her hands behind her back. How does does that sound. Would that satisfy you enough?


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

Why not try writing out your fantasy, either as a story featuring your wife, or with completely different characters. Give it to your wife when you think she might be open to being a bit racier. See what her reaction is to your story. It would be a good way to open up the conversation. 

Personally, I would be so turned on if my husband opened up and shared something like this, I would have a hard time not jumping him right then and there!


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Oh OH!!! here's an idea!!! Get her fifty shades of gray!!! Who knows... she may be more open after reading it... you should see the commercials lol.


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## runningman1 (May 7, 2012)

WOM -I wont mate !!

Catherine - thanks but would rather not as this is only half way and I would want more

ILO - I tried that by text once text her my fantasy of seeing her in lingerie stockings and heels she seemed excited and said she would do it, that night she went o bed and I followed 20 mins layer when I got intpo bed she just had her usual flanalette pasion killer on saying she didnt have time to put them on !!

I do give up honestly I cant keep going on about this I am embarrasing myself. But one thing has come of this from the replies from the ladies my fantays of seeing my wife in lingerie and heels seeing her bound and gagged playfully is not abnormal at all and some womaen can see that

By the way have two kids one living away and the other is still here but hardly ever home she is 18.

But I have a laptop and an internet connection for lifes little kinks. I would do anything for her sexually even if I didnt enjoy it - but if it made her happy great. Thought life was give and take


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Don't give up. I think Dean is right, start off with little steps don't talk about it just do little things with confidence then expand. If she is reluctant just be relaxed and stay in a playful mood. 

I think you need to look within a bit. I detect a hint of shame maybe more than a hint. The fact that you thought such a mild fantasy was unusual is surprising to me. 

Find our why you thought that. You wife's view of sex is her view. You have a wider view and that does not make you unusual. 

If you feel more certain that you are normal I think that will have an effect on your approach and your wife's reaction. You may be too hesitant and she may not be confident that you will protect her from feeling foolish or a failure. Think about her and how to make it good and safe for her. Think of other things that require small changes and try those first. 

The damsel fantasy may be too big a leap. What else have you in mind? Don't be wimpy and give up.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

I think many people, not just women, are a little afraid to come out about their fantasies. And if and when they do, it's best not to dwell on it or turn it into some big conversation, but rather take note of it, and then try to facilitate it for them to some degree...without jealousy, insecurity, or excessive curiosity.

My W not long ago admited that she'd always had a fantasy about being with two guys. She could never act on it, but it's a fantasy. I dropped it, until last week when we were laying in bed, and I put on a very tasteful and well done erotic video of a woman having two men. We watched it. When I could see she was getting horny, I started to touch her. I followed that up by not, as we usually do (lovemaking), but instead bringing out a dildo. I used it on her while she used her hands and mouth on me. She had several explosive orgasms, and I had one really good one too. After we were done, I never said a word to her about it. She knows, and I know what it was that made that encounter so exciting for her (and me). No need for discussion and doing so might have only made her reluctant to do so in the future. Some things are better left unsaid...even if they're acted on to some degree. Fantasies are mostly private. Sharing those private fantasies with someone is awesome. Belaboring the point on a touchy or somewhat embarrassing subject, well, not so much. Like I said, we both "know" what that was about, and we are both okay with that. No need to rip it apart and disect it.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I could enjoy this too in a heartbeat but my wife is claustrophobic so I wouldn't push it. Don't get me wrong she is up for what ever i want and bless her heart she would suck it up and do it if I asked but how much fun could it be for me if she was freaked out and not enjoying it to.


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## runningman1 (May 7, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Don't give up. I think Dean is right, start off with little steps don't talk about it just do little things with confidence then expand. If she is reluctant just be relaxed and stay in a playful mood.
> 
> I think you need to look within a bit. I detect a hint of shame maybe more than a hint. The fact that you thought such a mild fantasy was unusual is surprising to me.
> 
> ...


A breakthrough !!

Last night my wife asked me if I wanted her to put on her stockings and heels ! I told her if it made her uncomfortable not to but she said she wanted to !! The sight of my wife in black stockings and 5 inch heels was amazing and emotional it was almost to much for me. Emotional because at last there was a brakthrough, not just because she wore those things but because she wanted to. We talked about it and she was not embarrased and actually said she felt sexy - and she looked it

I have been waiting for 23 years for that moment but when it came it was all a bit to much and was overwhelming. Lets hope it a new begining - the bondage stuff - I am not going to push it at all its up to her.

I feel our sex life may have changed last night - thanks all that have helped


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

:smthumbup::lol:

But...


> I am not going to push it at all its up to her.


 No, it's not. Find gentle, non-threatening, non-judgemental ways to reassure her that what she has done for you has rocked your world. She'll want that reassurance that you found it incredibly hot, and do not think of her as being "silly" or "szlutty". That was not easy for her. This time. Make it easier for her next time... and "easy" in the long run. It is a process. A simple "you know babe, I cannot get the other night out of my mind...I appreciate you, your efforts to please us, and appreciate how we are so much, I can't begin to tell you" can go an incredible amount of distance to reassure her and show your appreciation for (and complete acceptance of) what she's done for you and herself. 

You're headed down a great road. Let her know that without being a perverted azz, and I think you'll get some great responses that will only better you both as a couple.


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## runningman1 (May 7, 2012)

Donny I meant I am not going to push her on the bondage stuff. It took a lot on her part to accept the Stockings and Heels thing - we need to take things slowly - so not going to risk what we have achieved by pushing for to much to soon - but I will go about it gently I have planted the seed she knows I want that but time will tell

I told her last night she looked increadable and thanked her for trying it she said she felt sexy and said I might wear them all the time !!


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

runningman1 said:


> I told her last night she looked increadable and thanked her for trying it she said she felt sexy and said I might wear them all the time !!


You're headed down a fantastic road. Keep it up!


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## FormerNiceGuy (Feb 13, 2012)

runningman1 said:


> we need to take things slowly - so not going to risk what we have achieved by pushing for to much to soon - but I will go about it gently I have planted the seed she knows I want that but time will tell
> 
> I told her last night she looked increadable and thanked her for trying it she said she felt sexy and said I might wear them all the time !!


Two things:

I highly recommend that you read Arousal by Michael Bader. He talks about fantasies and what they tell us about ourselves and our partners. I think it will help you to feel comfortable with yours.

I would also read The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida. Your response to your wife's question about the lingerie was caretaking and could have turned her off. I am not suggesting you push, but clearly stating your desires is an important part of healthy intimacy in a relationship.

Congrats on the progress!


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

That is amazing! I smiled so large to think about how emotional and special that must have made you feel. As mine has dropped barriers, I have been in your shoes and know how remarkable that can be.

As suggested, make sure to spend a good amount of time positively reinforcing how special she made you feel by doing that for you. Tell her how spectacular she was to you, how her confidence in doing that for you was intoxicating... The more desired she feels, the more confidence she gains, the more likely she will be to start pushing the wire with you! It's a huge sense of power for her to learn that she can illicit that kind of reaction from you. By giving her that power, you will be paving the way to the kind of sexual relationship you covet.

And don't give up on that story! Texting is not the same as a well written story left on her pillow one day!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I'm so happy for you. Keep going forward and let her know she made your day. Don't say it too often so she does not get used to it and stop hearing. 

Every once in the while say it. Every once in the while do something special if she keeps going in the right direction. If she stops, stop the extra stuff. It not tit for tat it is giving as much as you get. That keeps things even and lessen resentment. Resentment is a love killer.


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