# Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I don't share a lot of personal intimate details on here anymore, but I am having an issue that occurs from time to time. Based on my sexual history, when I was younger, I really had no problems finishing. In fact, if I didn't sometimes take my mind to other places (baseball or John Goodman sitting on the toilet) I could be a little quick on the draw. These days though as I approach my mid forties. I am realizing that sometimes I just can't get there. Especially if I have done it once during the same day. This of course makes my girlfriend feel inadequate, and admittedly I am a bit frustrated with myself about it. To further clarify, finishing via oral was never easy for me, but it was always easily doable via PIV. These days there are no guarantees. If I have more than 2 or 3 drinks or I have popped once that day it may not happen at all. This issue doesn't effect performance otherwise, its just frustrating because I keep getting close and then it just stops. Eventually I just give up when it happens.

My question is, has this happened to any of you guys? Or for the ladies does your man have this issue? Very interested in remedies. My girlfriend thinks she needs to be sexier, but that really isn't the issue at all. I am getting a more concerned about it. Because at first it was once in a while, but I am noticing it happening more frequently. Sounds ridiculous, but I am thinking maybe we should have less sex? It never seems to happen the first time or two after I haven't seen her for at least two days. I don't really know what else to try. Any advice would be appreciated.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I’ve seen this occur with men over 40, usually it is due to fatigue or already having gotten off that day. I’ve seen it in some younger men too, in their case it was some kind of mental block. 

I know women can be sensitive, but I do wish women would educate themselves on how a mans body works and ways it changes over time instead of always doing the “I must not be sexy enough” thing. That makes the man feel even worse and also can make the problem worse!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Also wanted to say...obviously I can’t offer you any advice because I’m not a dude. But my ability to O has also changed post menopause so I can relate somewhat. In my case though, it just means I can go forever and it feels great forever. I personally love being with a guy who can also go forever. So what if he doesn’t get off, I probably won’t either. In the meantime we are having a great time with no pressure on either of us.

That’s not actually the case with the guy I’m currently (soon to be) back on with as he is younger and doesn’t have this issue except maybe if we went 3 times in a row. The third time he may struggle. I was going to say if you do get to the point of struggling to get off, for me it’s better to just stop. I don’t like seeing him struggling I only want to see him being happy about sex. Either stop, or just enjoy the thrusting for its own sake and stop “trying” to get off, that’s what I would prefer. 

Also of course the standard advice...only 1 drink before sex, and do not masturbate the days you know you are going to see her.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



ReformedHubby said:


> I don't share a lot of personal intimate details on here anymore, but I am having an issue that occurs from time to time. Based on my sexual history, when I was younger, I really had no problems finishing. In fact, if I didn't sometimes take my mind to other places (baseball or John Goodman sitting on the toilet) I could be a little quick on the draw. These days though as I approach my mid forties. I am realizing that sometimes I just can't get there. Especially if I have done it once during the same day. This of course makes my girlfriend feel inadequate, and admittedly I am a bit frustrated with myself about it. To further clarify, finishing via oral was never easy for me, but it was always easily doable via PIV. These days there are no guarantees. If I have more than 2 or 3 drinks or I have popped once that day it may not happen at all. This issue doesn't effect performance otherwise, its just frustrating because I keep getting close and then it just stops. Eventually I just give up when it happens.
> 
> My question is, has this happened to any of you guys? Or for the ladies does your man have this issue? Very interested in remedies. My girlfriend thinks she needs to be sexier, but that really isn't the issue at all. I am getting a more concerned about it. Because at first it was once in a while, but I am noticing it happening more frequently. Sounds ridiculous, but I am thinking maybe we should have less sex? It never seems to happen the first time or two after I haven't seen her for at least two days. I don't really know what else to try. Any advice would be appreciated.


I dated a man once who just told me flat out that if he had been drinking a beer or two or three, he wasn't going to be having sex. I appreciated his honesty and it was a simple conversation. Alcohol is definitely a libido killer for some guys. That makes sense if you research online how alcohol effects sexual performance. So, if you want to make that consideration - you can work it out with your girlfriend about if it's going to be a sex or alcohol evening so that the two of you are comfortable with making that decision.

My husband and I are older and we don't drink alcohol - at all. It's a health thing. I know what drinking alcohol does to the body - how the kidneys have to work hard to process it and, frankly, it's just not worth it. We like sex WAY BETTER. The social pressure to "Have a beer" and all the entertainment value surrounding alcohol - we just ignore it. We probably have fewer friends than people who drink but we don't really care.

As far as "finishing" - from this lady point of view - I consider his finishing something that is sort of my responsibility and my fun challenge. There have been times when he has had trouble finishing - but as I have discovered, he can be an avid masturbator and if that happens, he may have some trouble finishing or even continuing. My personal stance is that every person has a right to masturbate. If you have a partner, though, the ground rules for sex in that relationship work best if they are stated up front - and that includes "subject to change" because life throws curveballs (illness, surgery, life changes, etc.)

I'm not proud of this because I feel like I should be more mature than this - but we get into fights about his masturbation habits. It's fine if he masturbates - no guy needs permission to masturbate - but if that activity routinely interferes with having sex with me, that's a problem we need to talk about. My husband, who probably differs from your personality, tends to keep his masturbation activity to himself to try and hide it. Like most women, though, I'm extremely perceptive. He's a highly sexual guy who can orgasm in a range of 90 sec to 3 min. once he makes the decision to finish. If he's not able to finish at all - there's something going on with him - and it's usually that he's masturbating. 

In my experience, it's common for couples to have finishing issue *sometimes* - and I sympathize greatly with your frustration. It's really frustrating to be at a 7, 8 or even 9 and not be able to bring it all the way home. I will do my utter best to do whatever it takes for my husband to finish. I know a couple of other things that will cause a problem for him is: extreme tiredness OR he used to get anxious right before getting on a flight to go back overseas. So, anxiety or tiredness can make things really difficult, too.

As a woman, I have to avoid taking that personally if it's not related to anything like previous masturbation or drinking. It could be a health issue that requires a doctor appointment and PSA checks. Those are the big three that I can think of. It's important to be open and honest about whatever it might be - because, frankly, unveiling a health issue is cause for both people to have concern. Eliminating openly what has happened that day is really important. If you masturbated earlier, just say, so that a partner isn't worried about your health. If you both know that you want a sexy evening, don't pick alcohol or masturbation. If your woman wants sex in a day that you masturbated, then just tell her. Have an agreement of some sort about this so nobody gets pissed off. 

If I was your girlfriend, what I would welcome is an open/honest conversation that is prefaced with "You are the sexiest woman alive to me" and "I want to be understood because not finishing makes me feel really bad" and "none of this isn't your fault but I just want to talk about things I need to do to make for a great sexual experience" and "I want you and I both to feel loved and understood."

Literally, those are the things I want to hear the most from my husband. I would go to the moon and back for him if he could say those things so I can avoid telling myself scary (untrue) things - and those four statements take away the fear of having a crucial conversation about sex. 

Making a great finish for my husband is my personal challenge. I failed a few times recently, though, and I was baffled - thus why I spoke up when I saw your post. I mean, in one of those failures, I was on top of him talking nasty about every kind of dirty he loved while doing a grinding/twerking cowgirl which should have had him begging for mercy. I'm a sexy woman with a nice body, pretty hair and great skin. I think my husband is hot and tell him that often. 

But...he had been masturbating so he wasn't able to finish in spite of my efforts. Nobody needs permission to masturbate - but it helps to communicate that so the partner doesn't take the blame for the lack of finish. If a guy wants to masturbate and finds that it interferes with finishing - then it's fine to just use that partner encounter as a "focus on her" encounter. 

I wish there was more conversation about how to talk unthreateningly about these things. Sex is so personal, so vulnerable. More important than finishing is having a feeling of love and acceptance even when things don't go perfectly.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*

As I age, my interest in multiple go-rounds is certainly more on the wane. That's natural, especially after a stressful day at work followed by a few drinks.

My advice:

1. cut out the booze for a few weeks and see if that changes things.
2. drop some weight if you have some to lose. 
3. support your T production: lift heavy things, have a diet that supports it, cut out food that reduces it, and think sexy thoughts all day long.
4. cut out all porn/self-stimulation.
5. if you're feeling like you aren't going to finish, just relax. So what if you don't. Shift your focus to her, and her pleasure. Take the goal out of the picture.
6. surprisingly, a little bit of cannabis may help. Small amounts may boost testosterone, and mellow you both out regarding seeking performance rather than seeking pleasure. https://nationalpost.com/cannabis/s...m-and-testosterone-surprised-researchers-find

Look on the bright side... you're having sex with someone that wants to have sex with you!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Marduk said:


> As I age, my interest in multiple go-rounds is certainly more on the wane. That's natural, especially after a stressful day at work followed by a few drinks.
> 
> My advice:
> 
> ...


RH already knows what blessings pot can bring. Ha!

About the drinking....my thinking is, just abstain or only have 1 drink prior to sex, and then drink more after sex if you’re still awake and having fun.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*

There have been a few times I've had issues "finishing" but not too many; in general, it's either an intrusive thought that shouldn't be there or I started something I couldn't finish because at 63 3x in one day might be a bit much.

But, one thing that has worked when I got into trouble in this regard, is to stop. Just bring everything to a complete stop. Maybe keep things in place, but don't worry about it. Give it a couple minutes, take a time out and just talk about nice things, and almost 100% of the time things spring back to life shortly.

Do I worry about declining ability as I get older? Not too much, although you do get that mortality thing kicking in and you start thinking about not wasting the ability you presently have. 

The masturbation thing has pretty much gone completely away; there's really no need for it and, truthfully, once I stopped all porn viewing, there wasn't the need for release apart from my wife. Masturbation (by yourself) is not a substitute for the intimacy of shared sexuality, at least, not for me. It's just a thing. Feels good for a short while, but there's no "glow" afterward. There is nothing in the world I can substitute for embracing my wife after sex.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



ReformedHubby said:


> I don't share a lot of personal intimate details on here anymore, but I am having an issue that occurs from time to time. Based on my sexual history, when I was younger, I really had no problems finishing. In fact, if I didn't sometimes take my mind to other places (baseball or John Goodman sitting on the toilet) I could be a little quick on the draw. These days though as I approach my mid forties. I am realizing that sometimes I just can't get there. Especially if I have done it once during the same day. This of course makes my girlfriend feel inadequate, and admittedly I am a bit frustrated with myself about it. To further clarify, finishing via oral was never easy for me, but it was always easily doable via PIV. These days there are no guarantees. If I have more than 2 or 3 drinks or I have popped once that day it may not happen at all. This issue doesn't effect performance otherwise, its just frustrating because I keep getting close and then it just stops. Eventually I just give up when it happens.
> 
> My question is, has this happened to any of you guys? Or for the ladies does your man have this issue? Very interested in remedies. My girlfriend thinks she needs to be sexier, but that really isn't the issue at all. I am getting a more concerned about it. Because at first it was once in a while, but I am noticing it happening more frequently. Sounds ridiculous, but I am thinking maybe we should have less sex? It never seems to happen the first time or two after I haven't seen her for at least two days. I don't really know what else to try. Any advice would be appreciated.


This started happening to me pretty recently, maybe about a year now since I turned 45. My wife feels the same way your gf does. I talked to my wife about it, assured her that sex was still good whether I finished or not (to me finishing doesn't make or break the experience). I have a few drinks at night so I thought that might be the issue, but it happens in the morning too. I tried less sex too and that didn't work. I'm at a loss and I hate jackrabbitting her to finish cause I'm pretty sure she doesn't like that, especially after she's done and sensitive.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*

*I really do believe that the older a man gets up in years, the more that he comes to desire "quality" in sex, rather than sheer "quantity!"*


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



arbitrator said:


> *I really do believe that the older a man gets up in years, the more that he comes to desire "quality" in sex, rather than sheer "quantity!"*


I have heard that. I guess time will tell. Being honest though I still want it a lot. I think its just who I am, with that said I know testosterone levels drop over time. This relationship does still have the new feel to it. So we do want sex a lot. I am hoping its temporary. Definitely going to lay off the booze and ummm stop flying solo and see what happens.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I guess I am one of the lucky ones. I have not had this problem. Alcohol doesn't affect my performance either. But I will admit that my days of 3 or 4 times in a night are over. Though I will say that I feel sorry for the first person I date, been a long time. Hahaha


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> I guess I am one of the lucky ones. I have not had this problem. Alcohol doesn't affect my performance either. But I will admit that my days of 3 or 4 times in a night are over. Though I will say that I feel sorry for the first person I date, been a long time. Hahaha


How old are you though?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> Numb26 said:
> 
> 
> > I guess I am one of the lucky ones. I have not had this problem. Alcohol doesn't affect my performance either. But I will admit that my days of 3 or 4 times in a night are over. Though I will say that I feel sorry for the first person I date, been a long time. Hahaha
> ...


Late 40's


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Numb26 said:
> ...


Gotcha. And one other question. Have you been able to have all the sex you want with a woman who is totally into you and willing to do anything sexual with you?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> Numb26 said:
> 
> 
> > Faithful Wife said:
> ...


Forgetting everything else that happened with the STBXW, our sex life was very, very good (up until the last 2 month, that is). We didn't do everything but I was never left wanting. The only problem, if it could considered a problem, is that I was always up for more when we were done.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Numb26 said:
> ...


I can say there is a thing that occurs with men, even ones who can go over and over. Which is that when you do go over and over days or weeks in a row, there is an eventual moment when he will experience a hard time getting off. Which does not mean he’s not still enjoying it all and may still be hard. But after weeks of ruining each other on a daily basis, the male body does eventually experience this occasional inability to get off the 3rd or 4th time.

The one I’m talking about can go over and over day after day even with a condom. But eventually after the 10th day in a row, there will be one of those moments.

Doesn’t make any difference to me. Just give him 12 hours and we are ready to go over and over again.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



ReformedHubby said:


> I don't share a lot of personal intimate details on here anymore, but I am having an issue that occurs from time to time. Based on my sexual history, when I was younger, I really had no problems finishing. In fact, if I didn't sometimes take my mind to other places (baseball or John Goodman sitting on the toilet) I could be a little quick on the draw. These days though as I approach my mid forties. I am realizing that sometimes I just can't get there. Especially if I have done it once during the same day. This of course makes my girlfriend feel inadequate, and admittedly I am a bit frustrated with myself about it. To further clarify, finishing via oral was never easy for me, but it was always easily doable via PIV. These days there are no guarantees. If I have more than 2 or 3 drinks or I have popped once that day it may not happen at all. This issue doesn't effect performance otherwise, its just frustrating because I keep getting close and then it just stops. Eventually I just give up when it happens.
> 
> My question is, has this happened to any of you guys? Or for the ladies does your man have this issue? Very interested in remedies. My girlfriend thinks she needs to be sexier, but that really isn't the issue at all. I am getting a more concerned about it. Because at first it was once in a while, but I am noticing it happening more frequently. Sounds ridiculous, but I am thinking maybe we should have less sex? It never seems to happen the first time or two after I haven't seen her for at least two days. I don't really know what else to try. Any advice would be appreciated.


In my early twenties, I rarely even counted the first time. The GF / wife would know that the first time was a warm up for the main event happening a couple minutes later. In my early 40s, the first time counts (counted?) and if there is a second time it is for the process and "finishing" is a bonus. I think it is perfectly reasonable to tell your SO something like, "I really enjoy <activity/feeling> and I will do it as long as you are enjoying it and I'm capable but there's not likely going to be something tells me that I'm done. You're likely going to have to tell me to stop when you're done or not enjoying it anymore."


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



arbitrator said:


> *I really do believe that the older a man gets up in years, the more that he comes to desire "quality" in sex, rather than sheer "quantity!"*


I'll put a slight spin on that and suggest that the quality I seek is found in desire. As for quantity, I'd rather have it 3 times a week with lots of flirting and the song "anticipation" going through my head than more often but without passion or desire.

Obviously, my preference is for both.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Casual Observer said:


> arbitrator said:
> 
> 
> > *I really do believe that the older a man gets up in years, the more that he comes to desire "quality" in sex, rather than sheer "quantity!"*
> ...


I would always want quality over quantity, but I’ve found that with a good sexual match, it will always be both!

Though quantity varies a lot - sometimes it means 3 nights a week but several times each night. Sometimes it means every day once a day. Sometimes it means 3 nights a week only once per night, but each time lasts for hours.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Have you been taking any medication for depression? Some medications for depression make it nearly impossible to reach orgasm.

It can be really frustrating!


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*

Been a while since I had trouble finishing. Usually if it sex takes place to often. Not that I don’t enjoy it. 
Television does effect my desire, and performance. 

We can both be in the mood, but decide to watch a movie first, and all desire is gone. Feel too drained afterwards and frame of mind is all wrong. And that goes for any kind of movie or television. 

More so for me I think than her. Definitely dampens the desire. Worsens performance as well.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



Beach123 said:


> Have you been taking any medication for depression? Some medications for depression make it nearly impossible to reach orgasm.
> 
> It can be really frustrating!


In my 20s I hit a rough patch, and you are right. They can do that. I was on them for about six months and I noticed that after three to four weeks it wasn't issue anymore. It was the only other time in my life that this occurred.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



Faithful Wife said:


> Also wanted to say...obviously I can’t offer you any advice because I’m not a dude. But my ability to O has also changed post menopause so I can relate somewhat. In my case though, it just means I can go forever and it feels great forever. I personally love being with a guy who can also go forever. So what if he doesn’t get off, I probably won’t either. In the meantime we are having a great time with no pressure on either of us.
> 
> That’s not actually the case with the guy I’m currently (soon to be) back on with as he is younger and doesn’t have this issue except maybe if we went 3 times in a row. The third time he may struggle. I was going to say if you do get to the point of struggling to get off, for me it’s better to just stop. I don’t like seeing him struggling I only want to see him being happy about sex.* Either stop, or just enjoy the thrusting for its own sake and stop “trying” to get off, that’s what I would prefer.
> *


The part in bolded is what I initially had to explain to my girlfriend. Once I realize I am not going to get there, I certainly don't mind continuing, but...I still feel like she is "working" to make it happen. I basically just want her to stop working on it and just enjoy herself. At that point she should just think of me as a human sex toy that can keep going, or that she can turn off by saying she is done. It of course still feels good so I don't mind. Hopefully she reaches a point where she doesn't place blame on herself anymore.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*

Overall I think its something I am just going to have to learn to live with. But I do think there are things I can do to reduce the likelihood of it happening. I am certainly not going to turn this thread into a diary of every time I have sex, but because its relevant to the topic I will talk about last night.

We went out for dinner and I had three glasses of wine. Literally as soon as we got home she initiated. I told her I'm down but I probably won't get there unless we wait two hours. She was confident it wouldn't be an issue. Long story short I couldn't get there. But I did some things that made her happy. We watched a movie, and fooled around again. This time I was fine. Its definitely the alcohol. Not sure why but it seems even a small amount serves as a block. It looks like alcohol may be leaving my life for good unless I am having a few beers with the fellas watching a game. Its a no brainer, I'll take fulfilling sex over a glass of wine or a cocktail any day of the week. I'm just not sure why all of a sudden it causes this issue. Really glad pot doesn't cause this problem!


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



Faithful Wife said:


> RH already knows what blessings pot can bring. Ha!


Yep, I do know, and not ashamed to say it. Headed to Colorado for the weekend, it should be fun, its been legal for a very long time there. I've heard its somewhat comparable to Portland.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*

My ex had this problem and he’s in his 30s. He stopped masterbating and watching porn and that helped some. 
Also we noticed that if he waited for me to orgasm first there was a greater chance of him not being able to finish. When he had quickies he had no problem finishing.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*

I tried pot for the first time this past weekend. It's been legal here for a while but it still felt like I was doing something wrong. It took me a few hours to get up the courage to take a hit. But I finally did and ...what a disappointment!!! I got no buzz, no high, nothing from it, except...I climaxed way faster than normal, more like when I was in my 20's...but it was muted, nowhere near as powerful as usual. If it had been my usual just faster, wow. But I'd rather have my normal ones that take a little longer to get there. Alcohol causes me to never get there. 

I guess I'm just to old for that kind of stuff. Bummer.

ETA: To keep this on topic, my boyfriend occasionally has trouble finishing. It usually happens to him when he's stressed about something or has one too many drinks that evening. I've learned not to take it personally. Sometimes it's my first clue that something is bothering him. He always says the same thing..."I may not have finished but I sure enjoyed trying to get there" LOL


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*

Mid 40s. Happens sometimes. 

Seems to be when my wife is "extra excited". Not to be mean but it also seems to be as she has gotten older and after two kids...........Not as snug down there. So not sure if its a me thing or just lack of friction? Any tips from the ladies? Or guys?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Middle of Everything said:


> Mid 40s. Happens sometimes.
> 
> Seems to be when my wife is "extra excited". Not to be mean but it also seems to be as she has gotten older and after two kids...........Not as snug down there. So not sure if its a me thing or just lack of friction? Any tips from the ladies? Or guys?


Kegels


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



Numb26 said:


> Kegels


Yeah I know what those are. And I believe my wife says she tries to do them. Not really something I want to tell her to triple down on though. "Hey your Vag is really loose lately, could you do a lot more kegels to try to tighten that thing up"?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Middle of Everything said:


> Numb26 said:
> 
> 
> > Kegels
> ...


There isn't a real delicate way to bring it up, that's for sure


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



ReformedHubby said:


> The part in bolded is what I initially had to explain to my girlfriend. Once I realize I am not going to get there, I certainly don't mind continuing, but...I still feel like she is "working" to make it happen. I basically just want her to stop working on it and just enjoy herself. At that point she should just think of me as a human sex toy that can keep going, or that she can turn off by saying she is done. It of course still feels good so I don't mind. Hopefully she reaches a point where she doesn't place blame on herself anymore.


I'm somewhere between late middle age and "old" these days. Anyhow, yes it happens, and yes it is a common thing as men get older. And, yes, it does seem to create anxiety in women. If it bothers your gf, try explaining to her that she doesn't always have an O, so it doesn't mean anything when you don't. Also, explain that it is indeed common as men age, so it in no way reflects on how you feel about her. I think women are conditioned by society and by their own experiences to view a man's orgasm as the goal of sex. It is usually the final part of sex when he is done, so she thinks it means a failure if he doesn't finish. Like running a race but falling down before the finish line.

What is counterproductive is if she is working to please you during PiV while you're feeling pressured to finish. Your mind can start focusing on all of that instead of just being in the moment and enjoying the sensations. I would gently tell her that you want her to do what feels best for her, not try to make you finish. You'll have to reassure her regularly that you find her sexy and desirable (not a one-time job!). As women age, it seems their insecurities about their bodies get worse. And maybe as our libidos dip (lower T) they notice we don't grope them or say things all the time any more.

I think there is a connection between not finishing and ED, or at least with the normal aging and not being as hard as we used to be. And this is probably related to lower T among other physiological changes. Being really hard, having "a massive erection", feels great and sexy all by itself. On those nights when it is difficult to get or stay hard then the mind shifts to trying to get hard, which takes the brain away from the moment and into distraction. When I first tried an ED med it was a surprise how much sexier it was simply being really hard and not having to think about trying to be hard.

Which brings me to a suggestion of trying a light dose of an ED med. Generic Viagra is really cheap these days. Get one of those pill cutters and chip off 10% of one pill to see if it makes a difference for you. I really like Staxyn the best of all the different meds but it was crazy expensive. I haven't priced out the meds these days but last time I looked they were all stupid expensive except for the generic Viagra.

Your T levels will be higher in the morning. Try shifting sex to the am instead of the pm. What works for us these days is pm sex (I severely limit alcohol), and if I don't feel like I will finish in a normal amount of time then we stop PiV. Sometimes we continue other activities, sometimes we spoon and go to sleep. Then we usually try again in the morning, and nearly always I finish pretty quickly without any struggle. She gets to have fun twice per night, and so do I.

I have found, too, that my T levels go up and down over months or seasons. Maybe related to sunlight, exercise, and general mood?


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*

Thanks for the advice @Thor, I have experimented with ED meds before. My favorite is Cialis, if I am going on vacation I will get some. One pill usually works for days. I am not sure it makes all that much of a difference in erection quality, but it reduces recovery time to pretty much zero. With that said, with the issue I have now getting there a second time even when sober is a challenge unless I wait at around two hours. It sucks getting old!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*

"I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was"


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## cheapie (Aug 6, 2018)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



Thor said:


> Which brings me to a suggestion of trying a light dose of an ED med. Generic Viagra is really cheap these days. Get one of those pill cutters and chip off 10% of one pill to see if it makes a difference for you. I really like Staxyn the best of all the different meds but it was crazy expensive. I haven't priced out the meds these days but last time I looked they were all stupid expensive except for the generic Viagra


This. My husband started having issues with finishing in his mid 50s. Never, ever has a problem getting hard, but at times just couldn't "get over the hump" to orgasm. Of course I started blaming myself, which was stupid.

So, he had a talk with his doctor about it, who assured him that it's common as men age. He got a prescription for the generic version of viagra, and, problem solved. It's really cheap and he has found he only has to use a half pill at a time. The bonus is that it gets him extra hard and his orgasms are more intense.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



ReformedHubby said:


> I have heard that. I guess time will tell. Being honest though I still want it a lot. I think its just who I am, with that said I know testosterone levels drop over time. This relationship does still have the new feel to it. So we do want sex a lot. I am hoping its temporary. Definitely going to lay off the booze and ummm stop flying solo and see what happens.


I'm 54 and just started to get the half mast Harry. I have overcome it though. What I do is exercise. I do so for a few reasons. It is good for my heart and health, keeps the ding-a-ling going and I can go twice or more a day(wife tested)! 

I also drink 1-2 beers a day. 

Don't fly solo!


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## Lake life (Nov 18, 2019)

Something not mentioned is that a lot of men have some decrease in sensitivity using ED meds. I’ve noticed it before.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



Numb26 said:


> There isn't a real delicate way to bring it up, that's for sure


Does your wife ever complain about leaking urine when she coughs, laughs, sneezes, etc? If she does, advise her to get pelvic rehab which strengthens and tones the pelvic muscles. One main component of it is kegals. But, it teaches a women how to do them the right way. Because when most women do them, they are mostly contracting their abdominal muscles and not the vaginal walls. As she learns to do that correctly her Kegals will be more effective in the way you want them to be. You don't have to tell her all this, just say "a woman I know told me that pelvic rehab really helps that a lot!" and she'll do the rest. I used to work in an office that did it and it really did help lots of women. We told them to do the kegals during sex as it helps to have something to actually contract around.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



notmyjamie said:


> Does your wife ever complain about leaking urine when she coughs, laughs, sneezes, etc? If she does, advise her to get pelvic rehab which strengthens and tones the pelvic muscles. One main component of it is kegals. But, it teaches a women how to do them the right way. Because when most women do them, they are mostly contracting their abdominal muscles and not the vaginal walls. As she learns to do that correctly her Kegals will be more effective in the way you want them to be. You don't have to tell her all this, just say "a woman I know told me that pelvic rehab really helps that a lot!" and she'll do the rest. I used to work in an office that did it and it really did help lots of women. We told them to do the kegals during sex as it helps to have something to actually contract around.


If my husband told me "A woman I know told me that pelvic rehab really helps that a lot!" I don't think that would entice me into it AT ALL. I'd be, like, wtf are you talking to another woman about MY VAG? 

lol


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Middle of Everything said:


> Mid 40s. Happens sometimes.
> 
> Seems to be when my wife is "extra excited". Not to be mean but it also seems to be as she has gotten older and after two kids...........Not as snug down there. So not sure if its a me thing or just lack of friction? Any tips from the ladies? Or guys?


It's probably a combination of both. You're probably unable to get as hard as used to and she's probably not as tight as she used to be. 

Kegels can help some but if she's open to cosmetic surgery and you are willing to spend 10+k, she can get a vaginoplasty to restore tightness.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



Lila said:


> It's probably a combination of both. You're probably unable to get as hard as used to and she's probably not as tight as she used to be.
> 
> Kegels can help some but if she's open to cosmetic surgery and you are willing to spend 10+k, she can get a vaginoplasty to restore tightness.


Yeah I think I'll deal with age before we drop that kind of money. 

"Hey kids, no vacation this year and maybe not next year either. Gotta tighten up Mom's vag, so you know.":grin2:

Also a bit of exercise and or viagra/cialis to get me slightly harder would happen long before we drop that kind of coin on that. Lol.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Middle of Everything said:


> "Hey kids, no vacation this year and maybe not next year either. Gotta tighten up Mom's vag, so you know."<a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a>


"Sorry kids, no Disney this year. Mommy needs that VRS done." Haha


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



happiness27 said:


> If my husband told me "A woman I know told me that pelvic rehab really helps that a lot!" I don't think that would entice me into it AT ALL. I'd be, like, wtf are you talking to another woman about MY VAG?
> 
> lol


Good point...maybe stick with “hey, I read that...” 
instead. The advice is still good though :grin2:


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



ReformedHubby said:


> Overall I think its something I am just going to have to learn to live with. But I do think there are things I can do to reduce the likelihood of it happening. I am certainly not going to turn this thread into a diary of every time I have sex, but because its relevant to the topic I will talk about last night.
> 
> We went out for dinner and I had three glasses of wine. Literally as soon as we got home she initiated. I told her I'm down but I probably won't get there unless we wait two hours. She was confident it wouldn't be an issue. Long story short I couldn't get there. But I did some things that made her happy. We watched a movie, and fooled around again. This time I was fine. Its definitely the alcohol. Not sure why but it seems even a small amount serves as a block. It looks like alcohol may be leaving my life for good unless I am having a few beers with the fellas watching a game. Its a no brainer, I'll take fulfilling sex over a glass of wine or a cocktail any day of the week. I'm just not sure why all of a sudden it causes this issue. Really glad pot doesn't cause this problem!


I was kind of wondering if you would choose sex over alcohol. Alcohol is *okay* but I find it leaves me thirsty and a bit not feeling that great after it wears off. I don't like feeling even a little bit ill or off. I like feeling like I'm about to walk into a tournament - pumped up and energetic. Alcohol doesn't ever give me that. It actually causes the opposite to happen. 

Sex on the other hand makes me feeling amazing and, weirdly, it often makes me also want more sex the more often I have it. 

So, yeah, I really don't know what it is about alcohol that makes people praise and crave it so much. Pot, as long I don't have to smoke it, is a different thing altogether. As long as I don't have anything like driving or anything important to do, that's actually a much better alternative. Of course, that's not an easily available option for me since we're still in a backwards State.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I’m feeling pretty lucky... basically no loss in strength or sensitivity at age 50. Not a hardcore fitness guy either and only workout a couple days per week. No loss in interest in fact probably more interested than ever since it’s harder now to synch up with my wife since we are so busy. I do take longer to pee than I did- so I know something is going on down there.

I’m going to credit this to giving up porn and masturbation a couple decades ago. I’ve argued on here against porn and masturbation guys-maybe I’m right! I know this- sex with my wife is magical, wonderful, exciting and fulfilling and is my only sexual outlet.... maybe this is what God intended?

Some of the guys on here sound like spoiled children with their claim that it is a basic human right to masturbate... maybe it ain’t as healthy as you thought!


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*



CatholicDad said:


> I do take longer to pee than I did- so I know something is going on down there.


If you have BPH, daily Cialis will take care of that and take care of any ED issues to boot; I can confirm that it works. Other BPH medications (Proscar comes to mind, which is the same medication which prevents balding in Propecia) can cause or exacerbate ED by lowering your DHT levels.

Daily Cialis has been available as a generic for a while, which means that there are multiple manufacturers and the price has come down a lot. At my club store the cash price for a month of 5mg daily Cialis (the large size) is about $40. Moreover, certain conditions get you around the quantity limits. I get a full 30 pills for my generic co-pay based on my medical history.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*

And yes I've had that problem with finishing slower too. On top of the suggestions/ issues mentioned above, it's important to communicate to the ladies that slow finishing is not a reflection on your attraction to them, nor is it something wrong with the men except for normal aging.

IME, some women think that a failure and delay in climax, like needing ED meds, is caused by a lack of attraction.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

*Re: Do some of you men have a hard time "finishing" as you have gotten older?*

I have a little different take on this problem. When I was younger, I was very fat. Embarrassingly so. It robbed us of a little intimacy. Positions were sometimes comfortable, many were not. I found that I was hiding 2" under the fat. Now, I have lost a significant amount of weight, all of that saved up want is expressing itself. We are both 65. She is going through something called PMZ. (Post menopausal zing) where her libido is off the scale. (We were watching Kevin Smith's more recent videos where he was talking about his wife's orgasmic capacity-apparently if he blows from another room, she can orgasm.-we both looked at one another and that has become our little code-If I just blow out, she gives me a smile and if she nods, it means, lets get the F out of her and screw.) When I was younger I did have a minor problem with things happening early. A little concentration, sometimes counting slowly, and I seem to have overcome things. Our new normal is trying for the second go round. Not quite there yet. Not bad for a couple of sexy senior citizens.


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