# Can't take it anymore!



## blessed18 (Jun 4, 2018)

Hello everyone! Some of you may remember me posting about my marriage but today, I am writing about my SS! I have been having issues with our relationship since the beginning! He has always been spoiled by his family, leading him to go into a downward spiral of issues! His attitude is horrible towards all of us, and even in school. The end of school is in a couple of days and he was just expelled and we don't know if he will be able to go to school next year! This issue with school is really really serious and DH has been doing nothing but babying him, no punishment, no discipline, or anything. I have tried throughout the years to be a mother to him (his mother hasn't been in the picture), but I feel I keep getting blocked by their family with disciplining him. His b-day was yesterday and DH took him shopping, bought him gifts, and celebrated his b-day like everything is normal! We have other children and DH pays more attention to SS than the others. He's acting like they are friends instead of father and son! DH wants to indirectly blame me for not treating him the same but when I do, it's an issue so, I am like a rock in a hard place. I do for him as I do for the others but with him being the oldest and not doing what he suppose to do and always getting in trouble, how can I just ignore that and not handle him accordingly? This has been an issue for over 10 years but this one takes the cake. We don't even know if he passed this year and he got expelled this week, has to go to court, got a charge and he's being treated as if nothing happened. I refuse to let my other kids think that, that's ok and they still need to be taken care of. I am the only one that cares about the kids and tries my best to make sure they are on the straight and narrow. DH lets his son do whatever because DH isn't mature and he wants to live his life without responsibilities. As long as the kids are out of the way, he can keep doing what he does. Am I wrong for not wanting to make this marriage work anymore? I hate to give up but what more can I do? Legally, he is not my child! I can't allow that around my kids. I need all the advice I can get! Thank you in advance!


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

blessed18 said:


> Legally, he is not my child! I can't allow that around my kids


Correct, and correct. You have given yourself the very advice I would have given. Assume complete responsibility for that which is yours, and NONE of the responsibility for that which is not.



blessed18 said:


> DH lets his son do whatever because DH isn't mature and he wants to live his life without responsibilities.


You need to get out of the way. Allow the FULL WEIGHT of your husband's responsibilities to crash firmly down upon HIM. Not you. Stop enabling.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

You have no power in this situation because you are not the parent. By the way, this is one of the reasons why second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages. Sorry, but only you can decide if you can live with this situation because it is not going to change unless your husband comes to realize that he is damaging his son.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

blessed18 said:


> Hello everyone! Some of you may remember me posting about my marriage but today, I am writing about my SS! I have been having issues with our relationship since the beginning! He has always been spoiled by his family, leading him to go into a downward spiral of issues! His attitude is horrible towards all of us, and even in school. The end of school is in a couple of days and he was just expelled and we don't know if he will be able to go to school next year! This issue with school is really really serious and DH has been doing nothing but babying him, no punishment, no discipline, or anything. I have tried throughout the years to be a mother to him (his mother hasn't been in the picture), but I feel I keep getting blocked by their family with disciplining him. His b-day was yesterday and DH took him shopping, bought him gifts, and celebrated his b-day like everything is normal! We have other children and DH pays more attention to SS than the others. He's acting like they are friends instead of father and son! DH wants to indirectly blame me for not treating him the same but when I do, it's an issue so, I am like a rock in a hard place. I do for him as I do for the others but with him being the oldest and not doing what he suppose to do and always getting in trouble, how can I just ignore that and not handle him accordingly? This has been an issue for over 10 years but this one takes the cake. We don't even know if he passed this year and he got expelled this week, has to go to court, got a charge and he's being treated as if nothing happened. I refuse to let my other kids think that, that's ok and they still need to be taken care of. I am the only one that cares about the kids and tries my best to make sure they are on the straight and narrow. DH lets his son do whatever because DH isn't mature and he wants to live his life without responsibilities. As long as the kids are out of the way, he can keep doing what he does. Am I wrong for not wanting to make this marriage work anymore? I hate to give up but what more can I do? Legally, he is not my child! I can't allow that around my kids. I need all the advice I can get! Thank you in advance!


Well, you married someone who is a bad role model. You didn't say how old your son is, but sounds like it's too late to me. 

I wouldn't stay with someone that immature. At least if you lived separately, if your son ever came visit, you could insist it was by your rules, but realistically, he'll just stay with his dad. However, if his dad got him and had to do everything for him, all the work, etc., his tune might change too. Your husband might grow up a little if it all fell on him. 

I'm sure your husband won't do family counseling, but that is all that I could suggest beside divorce and seeing if that spawned any changes, but it might not at all.

And don't start thinking that a new man will have some influence over him, because he won't and it won't be his job to even struggle with him and he will be hated by both husband and son. Until your son is out of the house on his own, you will likely be on your own.


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