# Healing..now interested how the process goes for us both



## DADX2 (Oct 29, 2013)

So I have been seperated for a month. Divorce is filied and will go quick we have no kids , no alimony. She left because of my co dependent ways after 9 years. No blame we had a great run tried to fix it but by the time we seeked professional help she was done. Im healing alot better than I was, im done begging for her back. I closed the book. Now my question is this. Since she was checked out and is in "party girl" mode, at any point will she go Oh S&*^ or will she hit her wall and freak out and crash down. Im not hoping for it or waiting in the wings im just curious how the other side of the fence is when they checked out. Further more she was a great step mom to my boys and wants to stay on the radar with them as long as they want it and so does her family. Where does that leave me as a friend to the family and her now? As she said it will have to happen organically, but any tips on that direction?


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## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

DADX2 said:


> Since she was checked out and is in "party girl" mode, at any point will she go Oh S&*^ or will she hit her wall and freak out and crash down.


It's hard to say. She may just move on without you.

P.S. I'm codependent too. My ex has not made any moves to re-establish anything.



DADX2 said:


> Where does that leave me as a friend to the family and her now? As she said it will have to happen organically, but any tips on that direction?


"Organically??" Seems to me she is saying that unless you are biologically related, you are not a part of her family now.

Now is a good time to work on yourself. Do what is right for you. Take a class. Workout. Make new friends. Get involved in things you like. Sit back from what she is doing/not doing. You will be a better person for it.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

You can sometimes tell if they have moved on completely or not, depending on how "separated" from your life they are. My ex showed she had second thoughts at the very beginning, but as time passed, she grew colder and colder. I don't think she will ever look back at this point. It's possible your STBX will go through stages of doubt, regret, fear etc. I think if it got to the point where I was the one who left, I would FORCE myself to think the absolute worst of the ex and distance myself as much as I could emotionally, whether they deserved it or not, simply to justify my actions and make it so there no second guessing at any stage - so don't be surprised if she never shows any of those emotions to you in any way.

Personally, unless you REALLY want to remain in the lives of her family, I would try to move on. Otherwise, if you were not really tight to begin with, it gets awkward (at least that is where I am at, I thought her family loved me as their own, but they stopped communication immediately and entirely). Now, as for the kids, that might be different. You and your STBX were together for 9 years, so I'm not sure how old your kids are, but she has been a part of their picture probably a good percentage of their lives. Time will tell, but ultimately it's her that will choose to remain in their lives or not.


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