# I cheated....



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

I cheated on my man, but it was online so I didn't really class it as cheating, but now he has left me because he classed it as cheating. I don't know what to do, how can I get him back and prove to him that I won't ever cheat again??, how do I prove I have changed?? Please Help Me.


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Wow I guess you should have clarified what he considered cheating b4 you did it. How long were you together? You really never thought that he would have a problem with it?


----------



## hurtbyher (Nov 19, 2009)

RWB said:


> You never had a Physical Affair and he left you? I would of welcomed an Emotional On-Line affair if that is all my wife had done. To those that say it is just as bad or worse... You are living in a fantasy.


:iagree:
Very true. When it becomes physical the knife cuts much deeper and the wounds take longer to heal, if they ever do...


----------



## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Sounds like your relationship was lacking in communication and intimacy if you needed to "carry on" online and he left you because of it. Get off the commuter, let him know that you are done conversing with men online, let him know that you had a misundestanding and pledge never to let him down again.
Goodluck


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Thank you all for your comments.
I wasn't with him for that long but I had fallen for him deep.
I just wish I cud let him know how sorry I am and that I won't do it again. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone before. How can I prove I won't do it again??, because he said thaat my word means nothing anymore, reason being, when we were together, he asked me if there was anything he should know and I told him there wasn't anything. I didn't tell him about this person online because I knew it would hurt him if he found out and I didn't want to lose him.


----------



## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

I would hope you can work something out, what are the other issues building up to this. I at this point my life would be easier if my wife's affair was just a one night stand. It is the emotional aspect that is putting everything to the test. If she had not developed an EA which led to the PA, I think the EA is more damaging than a short simple it was only sex PA. As crude as that sounds. Good luck.
Its a rough road.


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

I know it's a rough road, I have been without him for quite a few months now and it's killing me, I cry everyday,I cry myself to sleep, I miss him so much, I just don't know what to do to get him back,, Any ideas??


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Give him time, and try to work on yourself. To me, it makes no difference if it was a PA or EA, they are still As. He probably thinks the same way I would-The fact that you looked outside your relationship is a sign that you think you can do better than him, that you displayed a willingness to go through with it, and that you know that you are capable of getting another man. The thing that would really bother me is, okay, now it was a little "fling" online, with a guy whom for all you know is a 13 year old or someone else just playing with you. What are you going to do when you meet a real flesh and blood man who you know is better than him- better looking, has more money, is more confident, successful, understands you better...?
I have to say, I know you're sorry, and I do sympathize, but I really don't blame him for his feelings. You have to give him time, and you can't force someone to forgive you, he has to WANT to.


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

I knew the bloke very well, I went to school with him, I have known his since I was 11/12. No one can ever be better than my ex.


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

I really don't know what to do, , I love my ex so much. He's agreed to be mates with me at the moment, and we're kind of close. Maybe I could try and work on being mates and build it back up to a relationship, I don't know,. I know deep down, he still loves me, I can see it in his eyes, he's just scared of getting hurt again,,I don't know how to make him see that I'm not a cheater anymore. Anyone got any ideas as to what I can do??


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Lick your wounds and try to be a better person for him if he returns- or for your next partner.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

xBaby-Louisex said:


> I just wish I cud let him know how sorry I am and that I won't do it again. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone before. How can I prove I won't do it again??, because he said thaat my word means nothing anymore, reason being, when we were together, he asked me if there was anything he should know and I told him there wasn't anything. I didn't tell him about this person online because I knew it would hurt him if he found out and I didn't want to lose him.


It sounds to me as if you say you're sorry, but is that being sorry for the act of being unfaithful, or is it sorry that you got caught? I'm not trying to be antagonistic but actually asking, because if you love him so much and were thinking of him and all that--why would you cheat online? 

What reason does he have to believe you won't do it again? What has changed? What changes did you make? What protections have you put in place to keep yourself faithful? What does being faithful even mean--it sounds like you thought having online sex with okay so what about sexting? Spending time all day on the cell with another man? My guess is that part of the reason he doesn't believe you is that other than your promise that "it won't happen again" nothing else has changed that he can observe. Furthermore, in the past he might have believed your promises because he had no reason to doubt your honesty, but now he has GIGANTIC reasons to doubt your honesty! So he trusts you just fine--he trusts you to lie to get what you want. 

So if you REALLY and TRULY want him to believe you are sorry for not guarding yourself and keeping yourself only for him, then show him the things you've changed. Have you deleted that secret email account? Given him the passwords to all your emails and accounts and cell phone so he can "check up" on you and verify that you're being honest? Have you deleted that other guy as your FB friend and as a contact in email? Those are concrete things that will show your BF that you are serious and have really changed. Promises do not show that. 

Next, I know it won't be rosie to hear this, but when he asked you if there was something he should know, and you lied to him "because it would hurt him" that's baloney. Not only do we know that, but he does too! You lied because you wanted to continue and cared about the fun online more than you care about him. If you cared about him, you would have been tempted by the online fun but thought: "Oh wait--that would hurt <him> and I wouldn't do that to him." Even if it started innocently--like an online friendship--at some point it became obvious that it was inappropriate, and if you REALLY loved <him> you are a grown woman and you would have said "WHOA! I'm with <him> and he trusts me. I'm not doing this!" So it's reasonable for him to not believe you and not trust you....because you are still thinking of YOU and not him...and your words and actions do not match (or at least "did not"). Your words said "I love you and there's nothing to worry about" and your actions said "I love me and am willing to hurt you so I can have some fun." SOOOOO...if you want him to believe you and trust you, you need to get your words and your actions to match. If you love him, let him tell you how much this hurt him. Let him ask you questions and even if it is embarrassing answer honestly and fully. When he cries or is mad, let him have those feelings. Show him, with your actions, the changes you've made...and if you've made none, then don't expect him to just "believe you."


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Unfortunately, it's going to be hard to show someone you've changed when they don't want to be around you, or simply be suspicious of you.


----------



## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

xBaby-Louisex said:


> Thank you all for your comments.
> I wasn't with him for that long but I had fallen for him deep.
> I just wish I cud let him know how sorry I am and that I won't do it again. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone before. How can I prove I won't do it again??, because he said thaat my word means nothing anymore, reason being, when we were together, he asked me if there was anything he should know and I told him there wasn't anything. I didn't tell him about this person online because I knew it would hurt him if he found out and I didn't want to lose him.


Well I guess you’ve discovered that deception, your online cheating, followed by lies, your denial of your online cheating is never a good thing. For me emotional honesty is always the way to go and has far less damaging consequences than being dishonest. But you’ve learnt that life lesson and believe me it is a good lesson to learn for any future relationship you may be in.

You have lost your credibility and integrity with your man. He obviously puts a very high premium on those qualities to the point where he loves you but will not live with you. If I’ve read correctly he’s known you for a very long time. So maybe he’s seen a pattern of dishonesty from you and decided to live without you in his life. If he has seen that pattern of behaviour I very much doubt there is anything you can do to prove to him that you will live with personal credibility and integrity. Once we lose those things in a person’s eyes there is probably nothing to do that will recover them.

Bob


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Of course, not to get your hopes up, but there is the possibility that he is just trying to make you suffer before he comes back. I, myself, would give another chance, but not until I was certain that she wouldn't pull this again.


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Hey, just thought I'd give you an update...., last night, my ex admitted to still having feelings for me. And I could tell all night that he wanted to kiss me. The past few times when we have met up, it's been with mates, but last night, it was just me and him, and things were great, but nothing apart from him admitting to still having feelings for me happened, but hey, I guess it's a start, I've just gotta try and stay strong and try and build it all up to a relationship again, I know he's keen, but he's just scared I will hurt him again. It's going to take time for him to realise I won't do it again, but to be honest, I love him so much, I don't think time will be much of a problem. He's calmed down now and he isn't angry anymore, he told me 'I'm Done With Being Angry Now'. So what I'm going to do is take things really slow and gradually build it up to a relationship, then I will give him all the love I possibly can, and be completely faithful.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Best of luck to you, hope it works out in the end!


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So have you addressed what cheating means to both of you, and why you were looking for a relationship online in the first place? Just curious...

C


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Another update...., mine and his mutual friend who is a girl has just screwed things up with me and him yet again, she brought up what I did to him in the past on my facebook and he read it and now he's stressed again and is now drinking down the pub,.


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

How do I get this mutual friend off my case??, apparently she wants to hit me...., and both me and my ex have agreed to gradually distance ourselves away from her because she honestly isn't worth the bother, She's one of those types of girls that is loud, and loves attention, she would do anything to get noticed, she really does my head in, I just don't know how I can get her off my case because I can't have a fight with her because to be honest, I am not a fighter, I have always been the one to walk away, and if I hit her, She could do me for assult, same as if I grabbed her arm if she swung it at me because she's the type that would lie to the police to get someone else in trouble, problem is, if I got in trouble with the police, there could be a possible chance that I can't work with children,anyone got any ideas on what to do about this jealous girl??


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Sounds like a typical "big mouth and little brain to back it up" person. There is no talking sense to a bully. Maybe you and your guy could have a united front, and NC with her, for the both of you.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Perhaps you should both also quit FB as well. Online "infidelity" started this, and continual social networking is adding another problem to the mix.


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

What does NC stand for??, and me and my guy are going to give up on her, she's treated both of us like crap, he told me earlier that he wants nothing to do with her anymore, and to be honest, if he gives up on her, I defo will. She came up to me and was trying to provoke me to hit her by saying stuff about my pst and what I did to my ex and that my ex likes her and that she was thinkin of giving him and her a go. She was saying all of it and watching my every reaction, she was saying it to her little brother. I wanted to smack her and to be honest, I was acually shaking with anger, but then I thought 'What's the point??, I'm just going to get in trouble and I might not be able to work in a nursery anymore, she isn't worth it', so I kept calling her childish and telling her to grow up. Before this girl came up to me, one of my mates walked past and talked to me, and she told me, if this girl says anything at all to me then to record it on my phone, which is exactly what I did because then I would have proof of her saying the stuff, most of it you can hear but because we were by a road a few cars went past and you couldn't hear what she was saying. But you can hear her clearly say 'I think she needs a good kick in to be honest'. About me. So she's buggered if she does do anything because I have the recording of her saying that on both my phone and laptop, I could just give it to the police. She has already been on bail for smacking someone apparently. My guy wants to hear the recording and then wants me to send it to him so that everytym she tries talking to him, he can play it and really pee her off, haha. Thing is, when she walked up to me today, she said 'Don't worry, I'm not going to say anything nasty', but she went against it, she was constantly dissin me and sayin stuff about my ex and my past just to wind me up. I have about 10 minutes of recorded evidence. All I want to do and am going to do from now on is concentrate on getting my man back. She's just jealous because he doesn't like her anymore. She's meant to be about a year older than me but she really doesn't act it. She really does my head in. I don't know what to do. Any ideas??


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Another update...., The girl wanted to sort stuff out with me and be mates, I told her where to go and now she has blocked me on facebook, haha.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Looks like things are going in the right direction!

And, NC means "No Contact"-treat her as if she was dead to you.


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Yeah well my ex wants nothing to do with her, so I'm giving up on her, If I see her, I won't talk to her. At least now, I can concentrate on what really matters- me and him, and building our friendship into a relationship again. I will stay faithful this tym, Because this time, I have completely changes, and I have spent the whole tym since he left me to make sure I have changed.


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Another update...., me and my ex had a 'discussion' last night via msn, and he says me and him are just friends and that nothing will happen, but when we meet up, the way he is with me seems the complete opposite, I really don't know what to do,:-(, How do I prove to him that I'm not a liar anymore??, I'm always completely 100% honest with him and I try n prove it but he still doesn't believe I'm not lyin bout certain things, it's really annoyin me, :-(. I don't know what to do, any ideas??


----------

