# Can't erect with my wife



## ahxiii (Apr 25, 2020)

Hello!

I am a 27 male and I keep very good shape. I also talked with my urologist, so I should not have physical problem. I masturbate sometimes and recently, when we started the quarantine 2 months ago, it was hard for me to erect with my wife. Sometimes my wife has very high expectation (having sex at 2:00 a.m when I am sleeping) and I explain to her I just can not do it. But I find myself easily be aroused by porn (I know it's not really good for us), and I found my wife unattractive especially when we spend everyday together. Also she lost the period for 2 months for unknown reason. (100% she is not pregnant).

Does anyone have the same experience? Is there anything I can do?

Thanks!!


----------



## DTG (Mar 30, 2020)

Cut out the porn.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

ahxiii said:


> Sometimes my wife has very high expectation
> I find myself easily be aroused by porn
> I found my wife unattractive


This presentation says, to me, performance anxiety. Add to that finding your wife unattractive ? I think that's a combination which will surely give a guy ED. It's textbook case, you erect well with porn but not with your wife.

There is a reason why you don't want to have sex with your wife. You are physically ok, or you wouldn't erect with porn.

If you want to tell us what that reason is, we can help you. If you don't want to tell us, we understand.


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Stop watching porn. 
What does her period have to do with anything? 

Do you have a hard time getting it up for her all the time, most of the time, or some of the time??


----------



## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

You should really dedicate yourself to giving up porn- if you value your marriage. Speaking from personal experience- it jacks with your mind. Just consider how damaging it must be that you can get excited by images on a screen but not by the living, breathing woman you loved enough to marry.

Also consider how lucky you are next time you are with her. Engage all of your senses and focus on her-her scent, her taste, her touch... you’ve got to bring all of your senses back into the game. I think you’ll be climbing the walls if you quit relying on self pleasure and just turn to her as your sole source of sexual pleasure.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ahxiii said:


> I found my wife unattractive especially when we spend everyday together.


Well there's your problem right there


----------



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

What could your wife possibly do that you would think might cause her to be attractive to you. 
At 27 how long have you been married? Did you marry an unattractive woman? Why? Was she pregnant after a drunken sex session with you? Is she unattractive compared to the actors you see in porn? 
I agree with others that your sexual experience is currently totally unhealthy and it is affecting you in that you cannot have real sex, and affecting your wife in that she needs you to have sex with her but you are unable. 

A lot of men do have sex at odd hours. Mine certainly has sex in the middle of the night and regularly, (he is older than you). There is nothing wrong with that as long as it is agreed on. 
The quarantine has been very good for sex. Everyone has been relaxed knowing there is nowhere to go.


----------



## DeEva (Apr 28, 2020)

DTG said:


> Cut out the porn.


really helps


----------



## Visiting68 (Jun 29, 2020)

I am curious, those suggesting giving up the porn. Are you men or women? If you are a man, has it improved the sex with your wife?


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Visiting68 said:


> I am curious, those suggesting giving up the porn. Are you men or women? If you are a man, has it improved the sex with your wife?


This is an old thread, you should start a new one in order to get some good feedback. Your question seems valid and interesting. 

My thoughts on the topic would be that men use porn as a "stimulant" to enhance the self soothing practice of self pleasure. Take away the porn and you take away a man's ability to self sooth. Stress builds up and things get rather exciting in all sorts of sexual and nonsexual ways. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


----------



## Visiting68 (Jun 29, 2020)

That is a reasonable hypothesis, but did that work for you? Again it sounds good in theory, but does that pan out in reality? Want to chat with those who lost desire for sex with the wife, stopped the porn and that fixed the problem.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Visiting68 said:


> That is a reasonable hypothesis, but did that work for you? Again it sounds good in theory, but does that pan out in reality? Want to chat with those who lost desire for sex with the wife, stopped the porn and that fixed the problem.


You seem to have a solution in search of a problem. You think perhaps you have found the problem that matches your solution, but you just need to validate it. 

If you want to chat with people, start your own thread and be open do different perspectives. You will probably find wives that tell you that porn is not the problem and that there may be issues with shame and guilt. You will find men that swear that porn is the root of all evil and that it should be destroyed by throwing lava and brimstone at it. You'll get suggestions on how porn can improve a man's desire for his wife, and you will get people that swear only the opposite will happen.


----------



## Visiting68 (Jun 29, 2020)

Again, I was looking for the insight of men who lost desire for their wife, were watching porn, ended the porn and that fixed the problem. My guess is you are a woman that has a theory.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Visiting68 said:


> Again, I was looking for the insight of men who lost desire for their wife, were watching porn, ended the porn and that fixed the problem. My guess is you are a woman that has a theory.


Not sure if this helps as I do not have direct experience but there have been a number of cases talked about on here where it has helped.
It seems some people are susceptible to it jacking with their head.
Myself... I like porn as much as the next guy but I never relate that stuff to my wife ... never had any issue.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Visiting68 said:


> Again, I was looking for the insight of men who lost desire for their wife, were watching porn, ended the porn and that fixed the problem. My guess is you are a woman that has a theory.


And if you seriously want to explore this topic you'll have a better experience if you start your own thread on the subject. As has been mentioned by others. And if you seriously want to discuss.


----------



## Visiting68 (Jun 29, 2020)

Well the reason I posted it here is many above put forward the solution that the guy should stop watching porn. If he did that would solve the problem. I wanted to find out if they are speaking from experience and that actually worked or are just saying that is their suggestion.

My hunch is most of them providing that solution are not men and do not understand why married men usually turn to porn, and those who are men and suggested it probably did not have success with that "solution". 

So far none of them who gave that advice have responded, but they may in time. Give them a chance.

For the rest are you a man who lost a desire for your wife, turned to porn. It became an issue between you, then you stopped the porn and you became attracted to your wife?


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Visiting68 said:


> So far none of them who gave that advice have responded, but they may in time. *Give them a chance.*


The OP joined two months ago and has only ever made one post. I can guarantee you that in a year from now that status will not change. 

You are starting a conversation in what is known as a "zombie thread" because the OP has checked out of the conversation and will likely never return. Anyone else replying to the OP for which you want more feedback will only reply to the OP as that is the forum rules. What you are doing is called a "threadjack" in that you are using someone else's conversation to start your own. 

Start a new thread!


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Visiting68 said:


> Well the reason I posted it here is many above put forward the solution that the guy should stop watching porn. If he did that would solve the problem. I wanted to find out if they are speaking from experience and that actually worked or are just saying that is their suggestion.
> 
> My hunch is most of them providing that solution are not men and do not understand why married men usually turn to porn, and those who are men and suggested it probably did not have success with that "solution".
> 
> ...


START YOUR OWN THREAD WITH THAT TITLE, and those men will show up to answer. 

THIS thread has a totally different title, so NO men who can answer YOUR question are going to even be able to read it because your question is buried in this thread.

And just FYI...MOST of the people who said the guy should stop watching porn were MEN, including @badsanta, who you incorrectly assumed was a woman.

START YOUR OWN THREAD if you want answers to that question.


----------



## Visiting68 (Jun 29, 2020)

I explained how it was related to this thread in two ways in fact. One, the OP talks about how sex with his wife is not good and how porn gets him excited. That is at the root of my question. Two, I am following up on the responses of those above who provided a solution, which was to stop watching porn. I then specifically asked them a question. It has been a day. Less than 24 hours in fact. Maybe they will come back at some point when they get a notice of my response to them. If they don't after a week or so, maybe I will start a new thread, but I would like them to answer the question if they would.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Well, the other thing you should have done to increase your chances of them seeing your questions would be to "tag" them, with the @ symbol...like so... @Visiting68...that way, they would get a notification of your post being directed at them.


----------

