# books



## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

suggestions? I am planning to go to the library to find some good reading to help repair may marriage after my EA. I would much rather read a book than a website..any suggeastions? I read one book called Learning To Be An Adult In Loving Relationships and it was really good. Now I'd like to find more to read.
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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by Gottman helped us a LOT. It's not specifically for post-infidelity but has great exercises.

5 love languages
Post Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD)
Those two are all right too.

I see His Needs Her Needs recommended on here a lot - I haven't read it so I don't know what it's about.


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## gardensparrow (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi there~

Just caught your post and I wanted to jump on here and mention a couple books I've come across that you might be interested in. One is titled _Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity_ and the other is _Torn Asunder: Recovering From an Extramarital Affair._ They cover both physical and emotional affairs and how you can rebuild a marriage after such difficult circumstances. And, from talking with other couples during my time at Focus on the Family, I've heard a lot of good feedback on both of them. So, you might want to check them out online or at the library. Just FYI!

Well, I hope you find some good material that will help you restore your marriage! Praying for you!


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

thanks!
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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

"Not Just Friends."


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

"Not just Friends" is a great book.

"His and Her Needs"


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

I second (third?) His Needs Her Needs and its companion Love Busters. Also Dr. Harley has a third book out called Surviving An Affair. All good. Seven Principals for Making Marriage Work was excellent as well. And the 5 Love Languages was great as well. Not Just Friends is good if you need to work on boundaries with men, especially in the workplace. I'm a bit of a book worm. I don't think there's one book out there I haven't read. If there is, I'll have it read before summer. You should start with those.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

I had the 5 languages book many years ago and read it..can't find it now..it was ok
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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

CantSitStill said:


> I had the 5 languages book many years ago and read it..can't find it now..it was ok
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My wife's love language is acts of service. When she brings me a cup of coffee without me asking for it (not that I ever do ask for it) then I know it means more to her than the simple act itself. Consequently I go out of my way to do things for her because I know she'll appreciate it a lot. My love language is touch. She knows I have to touch her a lot. It doesn't have to be sexual. So we're always holding hands, hugging, stroking hair, etc. When she takes my hand it just gives me so much pleasure. We've learned to communicate in non verbal ways better because we know what is important to the other person.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

I thought the cleaner the house was the happier he would be..he thought all his hours he worked was it..sadly I didn't realise he needed to be told how much I appreciate him working so hard and he wanted me to be more touchy feely and well at the time I didn't give it much thought like I do now. We do so much more now for eachother..we had no communication.. I would run out the door every time we had a conflict. Now we cant stop communicating, cant stay away from eachother and ar always trying to think of little ways to make the other happy.
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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

Downloaded "just friends" and I really like it so far....
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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

CantSitStill said:


> I thought the cleaner the house was the happier he would be..he thought all his hours he worked was it..sadly I didn't realise he needed to be told how much I appreciate him working so hard and he wanted me to be more touchy feely and well at the time I didn't give it much thought like I do now. We do so much more now for eachother..we had no communication.. I would run out the door every time we had a conflict. Now we cant stop communicating, cant stay away from eachother and ar always trying to think of little ways to make the other happy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Appreciation is one of the 10 needs in His Needs Her Needs. It sounds like that would be high on his list. I hear you on the communication front. Sometimes I get frustrated when my wife and I go to bed. We end up talking for hours and I'm tired the next day. Then I think what the alternative is and I smile and get another coffee.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Ingalls said:


> Downloaded "just friends" and I really like it so far....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's eye opening. It really helped my wife and I solidify our boundaries.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

My therapist had me read a book called How To Be An Adult In Love Relationships..dang cant remember who wrote it but it was so good and basically it's about the 5 As -appreciation, acceptance, allowing, affection, and attention..really good and perfect for me, I'll have to look up who wrote it but I took notes and related to so much of what it said.
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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

CantSitStill said:


> My therapist had me read a book called How To Be An Adult In Love Relationships..dang cant remember who wrote it but it was so good and basically it's about the 5 As -appreciation, acceptance, allowing, affection, and attention..really good and perfect for me, I'll have to look up who wrote it but I took notes and related to so much of what it said.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Was it this book?

_How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving_ by David Richo

Amazon.com: How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving (9781570628122): David Richo, Kathlyn Hendricks: Books


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Yes that it!
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## naperken (Feb 21, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> It's eye opening. It really helped my wife and I solidify our boundaries.


Wife and I are reading it now and I agree. She especially found the part on how workplace affairs start uncanny in describing hers.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

The author of "How To Be an Adult In Relationships" is David Richo. Your therapist must have Bhuddist leanings. Mine, too.


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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

CantSitStill said:


> I thought the cleaner the house was the happier he would be..he thought all his hours he worked was it..sadly I didn't realise he needed to be told how much I appreciate him working so hard and he wanted me to be more touchy feely and well at the time I didn't give it much thought like I do now. We do so much more now for eachother..we had no communication.. I would run out the door every time we had a conflict. Now we cant stop communicating, cant stay away from eachother and ar always trying to think of little ways to make the other happy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Communication, I am realizing after TAM, is so important. We sat on different ends of the couch last night and I couldn't get two words out of my H. We had a decent weekend so it really hurts. I don't know if he is re-thinking our relationship, money, kids, work....some sort of conversation would have been nice. Even if it was about the dog!!!


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Ingalls said:


> Communication, I am realizing after TAM, is so important. We sat on different ends of the couch last night and I couldn't get two words out of my H. We had a decent weekend so it really hurts. I don't know if he is re-thinking our relationship, money, kids, work....some sort of conversation would have been nice. Even if it was about the dog!!!


Get a squirt gun. Whenever he starts ignoring you...squirt him. It works on our cat.


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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> Get a squirt gun. Whenever he starts ignoring you...squirt him. It works on our cat.


:lol: :lol: :lol: I like idea!


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Ingalls said:


> :lol: :lol: :lol: I like idea!


My wife just texted me from work so I'm posting for her.

Morrigan: When Beowulf used to stay quiet and I wanted him to talk I would place a penny in front of him. He'd look at me and ask what it was for and I said "for your thoughts. Now since I already paid for them I want them now!"

Beowulf: I added the quotation marks and the exclamation point for her.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

I think that is cute 
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