# Trying to move on. WW still hanging tight.



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

As some of you know I started divorce stuff a year ago.
She signed the first papers 6 weeks ago.
She left the house in January.
She texted me last night "One day I will tell you everything"
Why does a wayward do a thing like this? 
Can a BS not move on with their life without more pain?


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Still trying to exert control over you.

Tell her you are not interested anymore.

Even better....do not respond.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

StillSearching said:


> As some of you know I started divorce stuff a year ago.
> She signed the first papers 6 weeks ago.
> She left the house in January.
> She texted me last night "One day I will tell you everything"
> ...


Tell her by text that the knowledge that she is out of your life is all you need to know.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

StillSearching said:


> As some of you know I started divorce stuff a year ago.
> She signed the first papers 6 weeks ago.
> She left the house in January.
> She texted me last night "One day I will tell you everything"
> ...


Brother, it's still early. As it is with me being in the process of Divorce. The pain may never go away but sort of in the way the pain of a death never goes away. It subsides a ton and the happiness of new things override it and you have all the new memories. 

One Day I will tell you everything = let me tell you some more $$it about how my new warped mind thinks and how I can continue to assuage guilt from myself and think I am a good person by giving him this altered truth about why it didn't work, etc, etc.

I am looking forward to the day when WW is gone from the house. Now that the kids have been told, it's a bit of a relief to me and that's off of my shoulders. I can handle the rest, which is guiding them through this process when they are with me on my days and armed with what they need when they are not. 

It's not mean if you ignore her, it's not, it's necessary! I have a feeling my STBXW thinks I will eventually be friends with her, she said that to me face to face and to her family members that she hoped we could be friends in the future. NO, friends are loyal, friends are trustworthy amongst each other and friends would not do what these 'people' would do to us.

I'm setting up a way so that I will only have to communicate with the STBXW through the calendar app and emails, etc about kids schedules. Other than that, once this is final, any calls, texts, etc will be deleted. 

Harness the anger for good!


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

StillSearching said:


> As some of you know I started divorce stuff a year ago.
> She signed the first papers 6 weeks ago.
> She left the house in January.
> She texted me last night "One day I will tell you everything"
> ...





Simple, tell her that day will never come, she isn’t strong enough to tell you the truth anymore then she wasn’t strong enough to keep her legs closed. Now turn your phone off and smile.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Do you want to know everything? Is there something which may change your life, perhaps a suspected OM in your circle of friends/family?

I went through an arc where at first I wanted to know everything. Then I actively did not want to know. Pain avoidance. Now I'm back to curiosity, but it isn't to prove anything to her. I truly don't care to say "I told you so" to her. Maybe it is more of wondering how many of my hunches and suspicions were correct.

I believe there is very much more that I don't know about, but it really does not matter any longer. She is out of my life. As people say, she is just somebody I used to know. It is amazing how distant it feels even though it has been less than 2 yrs since I moved out. Finding out details beyond what I already suspect would likely cause new pain for a while, so despite my curiosity it would be best if she didn't reveal anything beyond what I already know or suspect.

My advice is as the others suggested, either ignore her or tell her you no longer care.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Exactly right. Your pain will subside, when you stop allowing her to inflict it on you.

Why? Because of the same reason they have affairs in the first place. They enjoy a sense of "power", and a sense of being "desirable" to an OM. It is a thumb-her-nose-in-your-face .... when the reality is, her self-assurance and confidence are at an all-time low.

You should assure her that you are not waiting for "one day", because, basically, you not only don't give a rat's a$$ about "everything", you couldn't possibly care less about "anything". Her tushie is GONE, and that makes you exceptionally happy..... you are delighted that you no longer have to invest your time, your money, and your efforts into someone who isn't worth the powder it would take to blow her to hell.

You are also overwhelmingly gratified to know that she has the POSOM, because she, and he, so richly deserve each other.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Tell her to write a trashy novel about it and mail it to you for some good bathroom 🚽 reading or in case you run out of toilet paper.

Better yet, get yourself done up to the nines and get your picture taken out with a beautiful woman.

Send it to her and tell her you will tell her everything someday....


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

StillSearching said:


> As some of you know I started divorce stuff a year ago.
> She signed the first papers 6 weeks ago.
> She left the house in January.
> She texted me last night "One day I will tell you everything"
> ...


Probably because your stbxw thinks you care. Tell her there is no need. You already know the ending.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Thor said:


> Do you want to know everything? Is there something which may change your life, *perhaps a suspected OM in your circle of friends/family*?
> 
> I went through an arc where at first I wanted to know everything. Then I actively did not want to know. Pain avoidance. Now I'm back to curiosity, but it isn't to prove anything to her. I truly don't care to say "I told you so" to her. Maybe it is more of wondering how many of my hunches and suspicions were correct.
> 
> ...


I highly suspect this is true.
The way she is giving me everything I want and has not hired a lawyer and does not what to go to court.
I feel like she is protecting someone...
But I'm focusing on a better future without her.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

StillSearching said:


> She texted me last night "One day I will tell you everything"



Simply tell her not to bother, that you don't care anymore.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

fightingforus said:


> One Day I will tell you everything = let me tell you some more $$it about how my new warped mind thinks and how I can continue to assuage guilt from myself and think I am a good person by giving him this altered truth about why it didn't work, etc, etc.


Yep. Exactly. Let me have some time to think up some more LIES about how this is "all your fault"....

My WW said to me, that if she were me, she would be ashamed that everyone knows that I didn't "take care" of my wife.....

Dear God, did I ever have a good laugh about that one.... I told her that I had absolutely no reason to be ashamed at all. In fact, the one who SHOULD BE ashamed is YOU. You are the one who broke the vows you made before God and witnesses. You are the one who brought extreme hurt not only to your husband and your children, but also to another unrelated whole family.....the only thing that "everyone knows" is that YOU are a lying, adultering, sack of $hit. And, "one day", your MAKER is going to ask you WHY you have done this....you may be able to lie to me, to our sons, to our church, to our family, and to others, but I can guarantee that THIS answer you will be required to give will only contain truth.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

StillSearching said:


> As some of you know I started divorce stuff a year ago.
> She signed the first papers 6 weeks ago.
> She left the house in January.
> She texted me last night "One day I will tell you everything"
> ...


Stop magic thinking about her, she is a very broken person who cheated on you repeatedly. You response should have been, "at this point it dosen't matter. We are both moving on."

Look forward to better stop looking behind.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

stillfightingforus said:


> Brother, it's still early. As it is with me being in the process of Divorce. The pain may never go away but sort of in the way the pain of a death never goes away. It subsides a ton and the happiness of new things override it and you have all the new memories.
> 
> One Day I will tell you everything = let me tell you some more $$it about how my new warped mind thinks and how I can continue to assuage guilt from myself and think I am a good person by giving him this altered truth about why it didn't work, etc, etc.
> 
> ...


You find some decent person who is a healty presence in your life and the pain will be gone. You may look back and be embarrassed.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

StillSearching said:


> As some of you know I started divorce stuff a year ago.
> She signed the first papers 6 weeks ago.
> She left the house in January.
> She texted me last night "One day I will tell you everything"
> ...


Text back, "Nah i'm good, take it to your grave, along with your guilt and shame. I'm not looking back"


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You'll never know the real truth and you don't need her spin on it. 

Ignore her.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

StillSearching said:


> I feel like she is protecting someone...



Absolutely....HER. This is easily discerned, because adulterers don't care about others, only themselves.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

StillSearching said:


> As some of you know I started divorce stuff a year ago.
> She signed the first papers 6 weeks ago.
> She left the house in January.
> She texted me last night "One day I will tell you everything"
> ...


2 words":

"Too Late"


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

StillSearching said:


> As some of you know I started divorce stuff a year ago.
> She signed the first papers 6 weeks ago.
> She left the house in January.
> She texted me last night "One day I will tell you everything"
> ...



Your reply.

TL, DR, DGAF.

Then go silent.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Openminded said:


> You'll never know the real truth and you don't need her spin on it.
> 
> Ignore her.


So true.
Maybe she will speed this D up, but it's like a convicted killer who tells the court. "If you cut my sentence I'll tell you who else I killed"


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

StillSearching said:


> So true.
> Maybe she will speed this D up, but it's like a convicted killer who tells the court. "If you cut my sentence I'll tell you who else I killed"


Instead think of it like your dead, no need to allow her to keep stabbing you.


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

Tell her to take it to the grave. It’s her cross to bear...not yours.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Check your phone bill. You don’t need her in the loop. Keep that cut off


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

"No details needed. I've moved on."

Or, better yet, 

"Who's this?"


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

I will say this, if it is someone you still see or view as a friend it is worth knowing after the divorce is final and settled mostly in your favor. You would not want them to meet your next spouse or SO, besides doing their spouse or SO a favor for the good of humanity.

Tamat


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

TAMAT said:


> I will say this, if it is someone you still see or view as a friend it is worth knowing after the divorce is final and settled mostly in your favor. You would not want them to meet your next spouse or SO, besides doing their spouse or SO a favor for the good of humanity.
> 
> Tamat


I think your right.
But I don't want to go pain shopping anymore.


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## Quality (Apr 26, 2016)

StillSearching said:


> I think your right.
> But I don't want to go pain shopping anymore.


It's good you came here to talk about it versus your gut instinct to almost auto-respond to her by habit.

She reaches out because she's in withdrawal from you. Good or bad...you two have "danced" for a long time.

Withdrawal effects you too. Your brain comes up with rationalizations and justifications, just like hers to communicate and touch base with each other along with "what if" and "likley scenario" fantasies that favor reaching out and communicating just one more time and once again after that. Then you'll be mad, annoyed or just ok with "no contact' for a few weeks until the cycle repeats and there is the next 'last thing' that just has to be discussed.

White knuckle it. 

Not your monkey. Not your circus.

If someone you both have known over the years is or was involved in any manner and they are still around in your life, I think you're more likely to get the truth {and maybe an apology} if you simply ask or discuss it with them face to face in the coming years than anything she might tell you. Heck, she's more likely to expand or throw shade on mutual friend such that you distance yourself from them so SHE can keep the friendships herself or just be self-satisfied at the successful manipulation. Waywards love traffic directing buses to run over everyone but themselves. 

Your STBXW has your email, cell phone and knows your address. If she wants to tell you her version of 'the whole truth" she's free to do that without you saying anything. She's not more or less likely to give it to you should you respond or not. 

If you still feel you HAVE TO play nice because she's caving in the divorce case but matters aren't fully settled yet and she could still get nasty. One or two word responses like "sure", "gr8", "yes", "no", "no worries" or a thumbs up or down emoticon works too. Then if she snaps back about your brevity or rudeness - you text "driving".


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

Are you sure that the kids are all yours?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ButtPunch said:


> Still trying to exert control over you.
> 
> Tell her you are not interested anymore.
> 
> Even better....do not respond.


That and she’s prepping her victim narrative.

She realizes that she’s a broken person but that’s only because whoever did whatever to her and blah blah blah.


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## hoblob (Mar 28, 2018)

Isn't she a serial cheater. I assume there is a ton out there that you don't know. She is clearly a really broken person. No need to engage. She never tried fixing herself over the course of your marriage. A minority learn from their mistakes, a majority don't.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

StillSearching said:


> I highly suspect this is true.
> The way she is giving me everything I want and has not hired a lawyer and does not what to go to court.
> I feel like she is protecting someone...
> But I'm focusing on a better future without her.


Ok, there is possibly reason for you to have the information. The problem is the process to get that info. You don't want to give her power or satisfaction in this. Even if you are curious and perhaps have some suspicions, the best play is to act as if you don't care. Meanwhile, assume your suspicions are correct, and cut that person out of your life if you can.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

If she’d banged a friend or family member I’d want to know. Other than that she could keep it to herself.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

StillSearching said:


> As some of you know I started divorce stuff a year ago.
> She signed the first papers 6 weeks ago.
> She left the house in January.
> *She texted me last night "One day I will tell you everything"*
> ...


No she can't move on. She needs to reconstruct history in her mind so that she is not an evil person.

MY suggestion is that you just let it go and not respond or respond with a vague "thanks, I look forward to the future."

Then tell yourself that she is still the mother of your children and even is she has done terrible things she has blessed your life with those children and that one day when they get married, your children will want both their biological parents at their wedding. So don't mess that up for your kids.

Other than that, just rejoice in that you are free of her and that you really do look forward to the future without her.

Good luck.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

I would be more of the mind to give a throaty laugh. Maybe even a buzzkill meme. Examples given. Feel free to adhoc or whatever.....

"Bwhahahahaha, Like even!" 

"Seriously you are so gross.."


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@StillSearching

If you feel a need to respond you could try this:-

"Would this confession help me or would it help you?

"If me, tell me now, don't stretch it out.

"If confessing would help you, don't bother me with it, see a priest."


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Anything she tells you will be a lie at worst and a truncated half-truth at best. 

Answer her with silence. Ghost her.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Oh PLEASE like you could believe a single syllable 
That comes out of her mouth. Her being cryptic is soooooo cliche. Y-A-W-N.

Don't respond - regardless of your response, it would be ego kibbles.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

drifting on said:


> Simple, tell her that day will never come, she isn’t strong enough to tell you the truth anymore then she wasn’t strong enough to keep her legs closed. Now turn your phone off and smile.


 ^This is perfect.^ 
Either that or crickets.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

You could send her this to mess with her mind!!!


https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/..._Fqfq_--WKbwNPGMguqcJDgrXnundHI6ve0etpwyb6-N7


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Delete her text so you can forget about it.

She is in the past now and should stay there.


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## TheBohannons (Apr 6, 2018)

You put up with it for 15 years. That's the type of guy you are. If it is in your heart to take another skillet upside your head, then please respond. Otherwise, send a simple reply that states.

Not interested.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> If she’d banged a friend or family member I’d want to know. Other than that she could keep it to herself.


I’m with Gus on this one.....

I would definitely want to know if a POSOM was a friend or relative.......because that dirtbag would have to be removed from my presence forever......

And I definitely would never want an unknown rat lurking around my life when I had another relationship.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

You don't need the aggravation. Tell her to do you a favor and drop dead.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

90% of the replies her say "Tell her, text her, reply"

Isn't that the whole point of divorce and separating? Not replying, not having to put up with the BS anymore?

You're going to get this. The fishing texts, the chain yanking posts of social media, the comment meant to evoke a reaction.

Why are you trying to reason with crazy?

She said I will tell you everything...wtf does that mean? Why does it matter.

Go ahead and text back or reply and set yourself up for a lifetime of little messages meant to **** with your life.

You're getting rid of her, why play games?


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

StillSearching said:


> She texted me last night *"One day I will tell you everything"*


SS,

At this point, "so what", that train left the station a long time ago. 

Really, stop now, let your Lawyer to all your talking.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Ignore her completely!!! She is just trying to mess with your mind and still have control over you. 

Your only reply to you should be 100% silence!


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