# Does Counseling really work?



## kstark1 (Jan 1, 2008)

My ex husband and I got back together 6 months after the divorice. That was almost 3 years ago and we were married for 3 year before that. There are very few people outside of family and very close friends that know that we are divoriced. 

My heart is very heavy right now and I know we are in serious need of help once again. I realize that I have my own faults and short comings, that I really do try to work on, but Im not perfect. 

I have a 9 year old from a previous relationship, that is considered MY son, and we have a 6 year old together as well. We just came back from a vacation from Florida (the first family vaca ever) and all I could think of when I was there was how I had to figure out how to get out of this mess I have gotten myself into this time. The kids had fun, except when my oldest who asked why he was so mean and didnt like me. Im glad that his father truly loves him and his stepmother thinks of him as her own.

I have talked to him about counseling and sometimes he agrees to and sometimes he doesnt want to. I was in counseling before the divorice and the counselor spoke to him once and said things that he didnt want to hear and that was the last of that. I really want to try and get him to go, or once again go myself and eventually bring him into it, but I have read some things online ( yes, I know, not always trusted information) that inreality marriage counseling in whole does not fare good statistics, so I wondered if there might be some insight on whether it works.

I have looked at the online tutorials on mending a marriage and our history and problems are way too complicated for those bandages.

Im deperate to get into someone to talk to them, because talking to him about the way I feel just ends in more hurt feelings, I feel that a mediator might be good. 

Once again, if anyone has any opinions on this please let me know...


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Okay lets be realistic.

People who go to marriage counsiling go as a last ditch effort to save there marriage. Most 99.9 wouldn't make it anyways. If counsiling can save just 5% is it worth it?

The biggest problem is most counsilors are not trained properly in the physcology of marriage. Some of them are great. But like choosing a doctor you need to shop around for one that is right for you.

Most good ones will help you to build he blocks you need for a healthy relationship. Things like communication.

Unlike doctors and psyciatrist they do not need to be certified the same way. However some states require them to have a masters degree and many require being certified.

draconis


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## debrajean (Dec 27, 2007)

You BOTH have to want counseling. It can't be just you trying to save your marriage. If he is unwilling to try and fix what's wrong (you and him) then he may not be as committed as you. At the very least, if you do decide to seek counseling w/out him, at least you'll be able to see how your behaviors and reactions to certain situations may help defuse volatile discussions. Good luck.


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