# Need Advice



## Zhon (Apr 18, 2012)

I got divorced in 2009. We had a son that was two years old. I got re-married in 2010 and normal visitation orders kicked in when my son was three. Now my son is 4, and mostly my pickups with him go pretty rough - he just doesn't want to go with me and he acts like he doesn't like me. He will cling to his mommy like he is fear of is life - but after being nice and talking to him he eventually gets loaded up in the car and goes without a battle. Naturally everything is peachykind afterwards. He spends the weekend at Daddy's place and has a great time and I take him back to his mom's house with clean cleans, well fed and rested. Next time - it's the same thing all over again. 

I'm not on the best terms with my EX - anything said in disagreement with her idea's or plans pretty much pisses her off and leads to nothing. We have different ideas about discipline, how the child should eat, what they should eat - and the list goes on - the only thing we can agree on is to disagree and the only reason why I'm allowed to see my son is because i had to fight for it in the custody orders. She gets plaid a very nice child support payment every month - and the medical expenses are split 50/50 - I'm never late paying any bill owed to her. 

The last time I went to drop my son off -she met me with her mom and a couple of "big" guys from her family and she engaged in an arguement with me after our son went inside. This confrontation made my wife get out of the car to come to my defense and it only escalated from there. My wife and I ended up walking away because it was just a pissing contest - the arguement was over the last pickup and she was upset because it took to long - and my response was bascially if you didn't coddle him and hold him and play his game the pickups would go shorter - I told her (and have told her before) that on pickups she should bring my son to the front door and then close the door and walk away. And then the arguement begin to "you can't tell me what to do!". I could go on but I think that makes the point.

So it left me thinking - 15 more freaking years of this crazy woman!! No way - I just wanted to sign over my rights and tell her I would not be picking up my son anymore. I can't do that - it's my responsibility to be a good father to my son - not his friend- but a Father because no one else is going to be there for him. 

So how can I better deal with her? How can I get my son to show her that he actually likes me when I go pick him up and he doesn't run to her like he is scared of me? 

There is also these sports she keeps signing him up for that fall on my visitation weekends - and she makes me feel like dirt if I insist on taking him and missing his sports? (we live 50 miles apart) So I end up giving up my Friday night with him and pick him up Saturday morning after his game. 

Her sister came to me and told me she doesn't approve of the way she is parenting our son, but tells me she can never take my side and she is "sorry". 


I have issues when I have him sleeping at night. He wakes up crying sometimes and I go in his bedroom to ask what is wrong - and he says he wants to sleep with mommy. - I have confronted her about this issue - and she gets real defensive and told me I have no clue of what goes on in her house. I have had informal sessions with child counslers that have concluded that he does sleep with his mommy still - and he will be five in June. When I give him baths he talks sometimes about taking showers with mommy and how he doesn't like the water in the shower because it feels funny. 

I do not want to spend my life in a never-ending court battle with her. I don't have much money - thanks to my divorce it financially ruined me and a bankruptcy saved what little money I had left. I don't have the financial resources to fight her in the Texas Family Court System. What should I do?


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

Zhon said:


> I got divorced in 2009. We had a son that was two years old. I got re-married in 2010 and normal visitation orders kicked in when my son was three. Now my son is 4, and mostly my pickups with him go pretty rough - he just doesn't want to go with me and he acts like he doesn't like me. He will cling to his mommy like he is fear of is life - but after being nice and talking to him he eventually gets loaded up in the car and goes without a battle. Naturally everything is peachykind afterwards. He spends the weekend at Daddy's place and has a great time and I take him back to his mom's house with clean cleans, well fed and rested. Next time - it's the same thing all over again.
> 
> I'm not on the best terms with my EX - anything said in disagreement with her idea's or plans pretty much pisses her off and leads to nothing. We have different ideas about discipline, how the child should eat, what they should eat - and the list goes on - the only thing we can agree on is to disagree and the only reason why I'm allowed to see my son is because i had to fight for it in the custody orders. She gets plaid a very nice child support payment every month - and the medical expenses are split 50/50 - I'm never late paying any bill owed to her.
> 
> ...


I don't think your son is scared of you. Developmentally, the preschool years are notorious for separation anxiety and fear with change and routines. It will get better as he gets older. As for your wife, I'm no help, I'm certainly not in a good relationship either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## specwar (Apr 14, 2011)

The best fix for separation is fun. Build positive memories with your son. Play catch with him regularly with a nerf ball and as he gets older with a real ball. Teach him to cast a child rod and reel. Take him camping or build a fire and sit outside and catch fireflies. Building memories is the only cure for your relationship with your son.

With the wife all you need to do is pick your son up. Ignore the sniping and be polite and treat her like you would any random woman on the street. Your son as he gets older will realize who is on the right side of that issue on his own. Good character always wins in the end.


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