# Head is swimming... any one else?



## needanepiphany (Feb 11, 2013)

I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for almost 6. We have a beautiful 2 year old son (light of my life!) 

A year ago, I found very inappropriate text messages on his phone about booty calls and hooking up with a co-worker. When I asked him about it, he said I was taking it out of context and it wasn't what it looked like. I asked him to end this friendship. He agreed. Shortly after, I found out that he was talking to her on Myspace. I confronted him again, told him he needed to pick his friend (whom he had only known for 6 months) or his wife. He apologized over and over, and said he would delete any possible way for her to contact him. Of course, then I found out he had created another email address so he could talk to her secretly. 

I lost it. It had never crossed my mind that I should be questioning his trustworthiness. This red flag lead me to check his email, where I found a response to a sex ad on craigslist. So I used his email address to sign into craigslist, where I found over 50 posts, posted over the course of the last 5 years. When confronted about all of this, he ardently denied any wrong doing. Said someone "hacked" his account and was using his email account to post ads on craigslist. I personally find this idea to be ludicrous. The ads contained personal information about his appearance, some even including his phone number. He still vehemently denies that he ever did it. 

On New Years Eve, he was really pushing me to go out with my friend, as I rarely ever go out. Pushing to the point suspicion. I soon found out why. On New Years Eve, he had created a profile on untrue.com (a site designed specifically for those who wish to cheat) stating that he was in a sexless marriage and was looking for discreet fun. Sick of his denials and unable to really prove that he had done anything wrong, I created a profile myself and used it to send him messages. He immediately responded and suggested over and over that we should meet up and hook up. One night, he left to go meet up with this imaginary woman. He sent a message that said "just left my house. where do u want 2 meet?" and I said "on your front porch. come home. we need to talk." He took a while to respond, then pretended not to know who I was. When he came home, he tried to make it seem like I was the one who was wrong. And I admit, I was wrong to be sneaky. I was just sick of catching him doing things, then being made to feel like I was wrong. He insisted that it was stupid for me to even think these things. After all, hadn't he lived his whole adult life for us and for the future of our family? 

I told him I wanted a divorce. 

Now we both have been approved for our own respective apartments, both set to pick up our keys this Friday. We have discussed the joint custody of our son, child support, and the splitting of our assets and our debts. Today, he called me on my lunch hour at work to ask me if I am really sure. Because he has never admitted or accepted any fault, he "doesn't understand why [he] is losing [his] family." I care about him, and it pains me to hear him hurt, but I don't think I can ever trust him.

I suppose the purpose of this post is to look for anyone who has had a similar experience, as well as to vent it all. It certainly is a mouthful! Please, if anyone can relate, or even if you can't and you just have something to share, please do


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Your husband cheated on you, lied to you, and emotionally manipulated you to make you feel like the bad guy when he was cheating on you throughout your marriage. 

Honestly your husband sounds kind of like my Dad, although he's not nearly as careless as your H. You're filing for divorce I take it right?


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Tell him you dont want to stand in the way of him talking to any other woman he wants to, he obviously doesnt value you or your marriage. 

Even if its hard to do I think you must move to the apt.....in time, maybe he can win you back but for now you have to show him you wont tolerate being treated like this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Good for you for not believing his lies and manipulation!!! As hard as it is, you are doing the right thing.

Your husband is a picture perfect example of an unremorseful cheater. A perfect example of someone who will probably never be monogamous.

Do not back down - you took a stand, the RIGHT stand. Good for you.

It is too bad these cheaters have no idea what they're losing.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Adulterers deny lie deny and become pathological liars to the point they believe their own lies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Man. I know what you are going through. Move on. I tried R for over a year and all she did was lie and cheat and I thought we were doing fairly well. I was totally wrong and even bought a new house a few months ago and now I am broke on top of it. It hurts. I would be married 30 years in June and she was the love of my life and became a 2 dollar *****. 

Don't try to figure it out and let him hurt. Mine begged me not to leave and I felt sorry for her and believed her.

Move on and try not to think of what if, or what could be.


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## Calling All Angels (Jan 3, 2013)

First, I have to say I'm sorry for what has happened to you. Your H will never admit to doing anything wrong and it's good you getting out now. A lot of us didn't find out until 15 or 20 years later and several kids. I must commend you on your quick thinking and getting solid proof. I wish I would have thought of that, BRAVO! Keep moving forward and don't feel sorry for him, he put you in this mess. You will find a lot of encouragement and kindness here from others  Hugs to you...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You know what you found and that his has lied over and over again.

He has met with other women and had sex. He's been doing it all along. 

Have you gone is for STD testing yet. You need to. Picking up casual sex partners on craigslist and cheating sites is high risk behavior. Most who do this stuff do not even use condoms. Please get tested if you have not done so already.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

needanepiphany said:


> Sick of his denials and unable to really prove that he had done anything wrong, I created a profile myself and used it to send him messages.
> 
> And I admit, I was wrong to be sneaky.


You think it was wrong to be sneaky?

It was brilliant.

You're fighting a war, you're just doing it better than he did.

He actually seems rather thickheaded and honestly, not all that bright. He left tracks all over the place for you to easily find.


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## HMMMM NOW WHAT? (Jan 15, 2013)

I completely understand what you are going through. I have been trying to work through my H calling, texting escorts on craigslist. My H says he has never met up with any of these escorts that he has been contacting for at least two to three years. I also found a profile for him on Plenty of Fish...it was very detailed yet he said he made it that day and never revisited it. My H has a lot of the same crazy ass responses your H has. I haven't been able to prove that he has indeed had sexual relations w. these escorts but I know what I know and its sooooo crazy! Please check out my thread for more details. You can send me a private message also if you would.like to talk more. Sorry this is happening to you and your son.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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