# Just asked for a divorce after 3 months



## mrs.jasmine (Mar 20, 2016)

This is the second post I have written here. The first was about how I've been married for three months 22 years old and he's 32 and how it's turbulent... everyone here was right. They told me to end it immediately and I didn't listen. I'm back in my father's home after my husband beat me up. I'm ok.physically. I've asked for a divorce. He said done.. just need some support right now. I don't know what to do


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Here's what you don't do. Don't beat yourself up emotionally because you didn't listen before. You know NOW for yourself why you need to do this. I know you feel urgency about it right now, as though getting a divorce quickly might signal the end, a resolution, of this relationship. But I would heal, if I were you. You say you're okay physically and I'm sure you are or will be, I don't doubt your word, but you need to heal your heart and soul. I also wonder if you feel some urgency because you fear you will change your mind or he will convince you not to go forward with the divorce.

My advice is stay at your father's, see a counselor, see a lawyer, and get the process started so you feel that you're making forward progress on legally and formally ending the marriage, but also keep working on your well being. 

And here's a cyber-hug (((((((((mrs. jasmine))))))))))))).


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

that was the hard bit. Just a matter of getting your feet back under you. You'll feel it's a bit hard getting your confidence back and getting back out into the world but this is normal so pace yourself but make sure you do so. Habits you create now are the ones that pay off well.
I've been through a relationship with big age difference and you really did escape a terrible fate. Since they were treating you badly then, you would have never been allowed to mature or grow-up in the relationship, and in the prime years of your life (30-45) you would have been living like a grump old person. Doesn't happen in all older relationships, but it does when the respect is asymmetrical (eg he already inflicts his frustrations on you). Very likely you just escaped a lifetime of always feeling inadaquate and unable to escape or change your circumstances. Perhaps now is a good time to look at making sure you don't depend on others for those feelings again.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Don't know what to say, at least you are away from him now. You really need a hug child....... So sending one to you..


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## mrs.jasmine (Mar 20, 2016)

My stepmum is furious I'm back in the house. It's like leaving one hell for another. My dad is confused and feels bad for me however he's been shouting at me trying to find some way to blame me for it. My passport and all my gold and papers are at his house. His mother called my dad blaming me as well. She wants us to fix things..I'm a mess. I screamed at my dad blaming it on his upbringing and left. I don't know what to do..I have no one. I just want to forget all this.I can't stop crying. Why could he no just be a good husband?


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Congratulations. You took your life back. Now keep it. Somehow. It will be hard, but you're only 22. A (very hard) life lesson. But you WILL grow from it. Good luck to you.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

I am really sorry that you were in a situation like that...abuse is really bad. You did well by taking care of yourself and getting out of there, so good for you! Now, get some therapy, get the divorce done, but make sure you document everything! Then focus on yourself and you will better your life.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

It's an awful situation, but look at it as a gift. Better this happened now while the stakes are relatively low. It could have come after you had a child together and you would never have been able to really break free and start over.

Get the divorce done ASAP. Have someone go with you to retrieve your stuff, police if necessary. Don't get too hung up on money or material. If you have to leave some of it with him, do it. Small price to pay for a fresh start.

Good luck.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

If you don't mind, what culture are you? I'm surprised at your parents' reaction of trying to blame you for this. Do you have anyone else you can stay with? Friends? Women's shelter? I hope you can find somewhere you feel safe.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mrs.jasmine said:


> My stepmum is furious I'm back in the house. It's like leaving one hell for another. My dad is confused and feels bad for me however he's been shouting at me trying to find some way to blame me for it. My passport and all my gold and papers are at his house. His mother called my dad blaming me as well. She wants us to fix things..I'm a mess. I screamed at my dad blaming it on his upbringing and left. I don't know what to do..I have no one. I just want to forget all this.I can't stop crying. Why could he no just be a good husband?


You say that you left your father's house. Where are you living now?

From here on out you need to concentrate on yourself. One think that you need to do is to go back to your father's house and get your passport, your gold and your papers.. and anything else that is yours.

Do your local banks have something like safe deposit boxes where you can store your valuables? You need to look into that.

Do not let your father's anger and yelling get to you. It's pretty typical in a lot of cultures for a woman to be blamed for leaving a marriage. Plus, I'll bet he has your step mother making his life hell to force him to kick you out.

You have a job right? So you can support yourself?


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

Do you have an update OP? Worried about you, because you said your husband beat you up. Glad you got out of there! Make sure you don't let him in and don't take him back! Focus on you!


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