# Sexual dreams for the HD wife not getting any!



## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

I've stopped masterbating because its become very saddening for me, so rather I thought avoiding all sexual activities would help decrease my desires but man was I wrong! It's now haunting me in my sleep! 

Every night for almost two weeks I've had vivid highly sexual dreams with almost everyone I know or work with. Sometimes I'm not participating but rather its just going on all around me. Sometimes I'm the main event! In my dreams I've now slept with my boss, my co workers. My brother in law, my husband many times, my ex too many times! My assistant and my sons teacher lol This is crazy!

Has this happened to anyone else? I've never really had dreams like this before what is going on? (Besides the obvious fact I need to get laid :rofl


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm going for, "you need to get laid Big Time!"


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I'm going for, "you need to get laid Big Time!"


Ya well that's not gonna happen unless pigs fly by my window with a chunk of frozen hell in their paws, even then I have a better chance at the lottery! Sigh!


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## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

Show your husband this thread.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm 51. Been married for 29 years. Get out now. This will not get better. You will end up hating him and worse, hating yourself for wasting so much time.

"But how can I leave a good man over something as unimportant as sex?" 

Because sex is very important. It is the glue that hold us together and makes us feel connected, loved, cherished and wanted. Each passing year you will lose a little bit more of yourself and by the time you realize just how much of your life you've thrown away hoping things would get better, not to mention the time and your youth that you can never get back, the resentment will eat away at whatever good will you have.

Life is too short to accept less than full effort to love.


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

Anonymous Person said:


> Show your husband this thread.


He knows I tell him and sometimes I guess I'm vocal and wake him up lol! He's just not into sex! Nothing I can or can't do will change that! Been down that road it's pointless. The sex he can give me is pity mechanical shut her up sex! 

I lay naked in bed next to him every night he rubs my body for hours because it makes me feel good that's the most connection he can give. 

I stopped masterbating because its too painfu of a reminder of what could be! 

Now my dreams haunt me!


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I'm 51. Been married for 29 years. Get out now. This will not get better. You will end up hating him and worse, hating yourself for wasting so much time.
> 
> "But how can I leave a good man over something as unimportant as sex?"
> 
> ...


I think about it often believe me I do. But is it fair to leave a person who can't physically bring themselves to have sex? What if I was in an accident and was rendered unable to perform those duties would that be grounds to leave me? Isn't marriage supposed to be forever? His lack of desire or drive is not his fault it's his age his hormones his health who knows? But can I destroy the heart of a good man and father simply because he can't bring himself to want to have sex? I just don't know?


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## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

confusedgirl123 said:


> I've stopped masterbating because its become very saddening for me, so rather I thought avoiding all sexual activities would help decrease my desires but man was I wrong! It's now haunting me in my sleep!
> 
> Every night for almost two weeks I've had vivid highly sexual dreams with almost everyone I know or work with. Sometimes I'm not participating but rather its just going on all around me. Sometimes I'm the main event! In my dreams I've now slept with my boss, my co workers. My brother in law, my husband many times, my ex too many times! My assistant and my sons teacher lol This is crazy!
> 
> Has this happened to anyone else? I've never really had dreams like this before what is going on? (Besides the obvious fact I need to get laid :rofl


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

confusedgirl123 said:


> I think about it often believe me I do. But is it fair to leave a person who can't physically bring themselves to have sex? What if I was in an accident and was rendered unable to perform those duties would that be grounds to leave me? Isn't marriage supposed to be forever? His lack of desire or drive is not his fault it's his age his hormones his health who knows? But can I destroy the heart of a good man and father simply because he can't bring himself to want to have sex? I just don't know?


Your husband is not a good person. Good people don't make their spouses feel like dirt.

Emotionally fulfilled
Romantically fulfilled
Sexually fulfilled

^ The 3 foundations of a fulfilling relationship. Cross one out and your marriage is not where it should be.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

No, I have never dreamed about sex that much and have never really tried to go without self service. 

"..he rubs my body for hours because it makes me feel good.."

He's not giving you sex when he touches you? Or manual orgasms are not as good as intercourse?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

confusedgirl123 said:


> I think about it often believe me I do. *But is it fair to leave a person who can't physically bring themselves to have sex?* What if I was in an accident and was rendered unable to perform those duties would that be grounds to leave me? Isn't marriage supposed to be forever? His lack of desire or drive is not his fault it's his age his hormones his health who knows? But can I destroy the heart of a good man and father simply because he can't bring himself to want to have sex? I just don't know?


Under a few conditions, yes it is fair.

They haven't researched the actual causes and drag their feet or outright refuse to do so.

They haven't or hesitate to try treatment options, for any and all reasons. "I'm afraid of the side effects so I won't try" would be the same as refusal. T therapy does not equal a death sentence so stop acting like it does!

The refuse or hesitate to take remedial steps to ensure the benefits of the activity lost, ie orgasms and emotional connection, are maintained via other avenues. IOW, manual stimulation, the use of toys are replacements for a man's erection and can be employed without the use of pills, creams or pumps.

Frankly, there are other members her who have had prostate cancer and rely of penile pumps to have sex with their wives. I don't understand why your H is guard his precious erection so well since he never actually uses it? What's the friggin point?


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

confusedgirl123 said:


> I think about it often believe me I do. But is it fair to leave a person who can't physically bring themselves to have sex? What if I was in an accident and was rendered unable to perform those duties would that be grounds to leave me? Isn't marriage supposed to be forever? His lack of desire or drive is not his fault it's his age his hormones his health who knows? But can I destroy the heart of a good man and father simply because he can't bring himself to want to have sex? I just don't know?


Not being able to have sex due to this is different then not having sex because . . . well we dont know why. 

Up to him to find out why


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

confusedgirl123 said:


> I think about it often believe me I do. But is it fair to leave a person who can't physically bring themselves to have sex? What if I was in an accident and was rendered unable to perform those duties would that be grounds to leave me?



I don't recall mention of an accident severing vital parts of your hubby - age and lack of time is something we all deal with as well. So, assuming that he is reasonably healthy I would step back and assess.

Think of the mental reasons he may not want sex. Is he feeling pressured? Does he associate with people older than him? Is that a recent change? Is it a sudden change?

I buy the "lack of desire" in both men and women, especially men, about as much as I buy mortgage backed securities... There's all kinds of ways people block sex in their minds,

I wonder if a test could be devised to see physiological reaction of a man eyeing (oops observing) a gorgeous woman in some neutral setting. Culturally some of us are conditioned better than others, I'm sure I'll be ogling the nurses in my hospice in a couple decades :rofl: but then I grew up in a not so prude country across the pond... 

Try to identify issues, inhibitions, resentments, and other factors impacting his desire... Don't accept it as "normal".


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Under a few conditions, yes it is fair.
> 
> They haven't researched the actual causes and drag their feet or outright refuse to do so.
> 
> ...


He would argue that if I wanted sex he would give it but I grew very tired of mechanical obligatory pity sex so I stopped all together trying to encourage him to keep trying to want to do it. It feels like for me trying to force a kid to eat broccoli just not worth it. The magic isn't there with him mentally for what ever reason his P can work but what's the point? There is no emotional connection in mechanical sexual release. 

I gave up trying to work around his LD and his rejection so maybe I'm the bad guy here? Maybe he should leave me? 

I have amazing sex for 10 years before he and I married, I've been the object of sexual desire for a long time before he and I committed to each other. When I was so strongly sexually desired by my ex partners everything else fell short. Great sex but lots of baggage that came with HD or ND men. 

He feels so terribly guilty about his LD that he over compensates on other areas tremendously. Not saying that a balance can't exist out there, even with him perhaps, I just don't know how to achieve it because I can't bring myself to initiate or be sexual with him because of the rejection that could follow or one good round leads to expectations on my part after. 

So I avoid it at all costs now!


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> No, I have never dreamed about sex that much and have never really tried to go without self service.
> 
> "..he rubs my body for hours because it makes me feel good.."
> 
> He's not giving you sex when he touches you? Or manual orgasms are not as good as intercourse?


I would say 1 out of the 14 nights he did, for an average of 2 times in a month, that's the extent of his desire level. 2 times a month is adequate for him. 

If I asked him for manual orgasms he would oblige but I don't bother because pity/obligatory sexual encounters are not worth it for me. If he doesn't get turned on enough to want to do more with me, while I'm obviously willing, naked, turned on next to him then its not worth it for me. I used to all the time ask him to, and eventually I just felt like chore. 

I know its not me, I know I'm sexy, I'm sexual, I'm a very giving lover, I have have brains, its him, its physical, or mental or both, but I've exhausted all my means to make this sexual relationship between us work. It just doesn't.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

confusedgirl123 said:


> I think about it often believe me I do. But is it fair to leave a person who can't physically bring themselves to have sex? What if I was in an accident and was rendered unable to perform those duties would that be grounds to leave me? Isn't marriage supposed to be forever? His lack of desire or drive is not his fault it's his age his hormones his health who knows? But can I destroy the heart of a good man and father simply because he can't bring himself to want to have sex? I just don't know?


It is funny how I think exactly the same way including the accident case.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I think ED pills work very well even for men that do not strictly have ED. Individual men probably react very differently to the chemicals but they greatly increase my lust during sex to the point that I am 52 and feeling like I am 20 again. Except instead of sex lasting 3 minutes I can go for as long as she can stand it. 

For me it is not that I really need them -I could complete my required function without them they just make the experience much better. I do not know anything about my T level and how that effects desire.


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

Anonymous Person said:


> Your husband is not a good person. Good people don't make their spouses feel like dirt.
> 
> Emotionally fulfilled
> Romantically fulfilled
> ...


No, those may be the foundations for a fulfilling relationship for some, but those are not my pillars. 

We have everything I've always wanted in a relationship except sex. When I've had sex and romance in relationships all the other areas fell short. I guess since he's not a sexual male he's able to focus on other areas of his life and makes up for my unhappiness in the lack of sex department but going way over and above in other areas. 

He has no desire, if I wanted sex he would oblige me, but I don't want obligatory sex. Its just not worth it for me anymore. He's very romantic and loving, he does things that most men wouldn't, for instance he carved "I love you xxx" in a thing of wax that sits on the table where I keep my keys. In the summer he spray painted a massive rock where we were vacationing with his name heart mine. He constantly puts himself before me . He just doesn't want to be as sexual as I do. I can't destroy him because of that.


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> I think ED pills work very well even for men that do not strictly have ED. Individual men probably react very differently to the chemicals but they greatly increase my lust during sex to the point that I am 52 and feeling like I am 20 again. Except instead of sex lasting 3 minutes I can go for as long as she can stand it.
> 
> For me it is not that I really need them -I could complete my required function without them they just make the experience much better. I do not know anything about my T level and how that effects desire.


We've talked about ED pills, because my ex used to use them even though he had not ED issues and it greatly increased the experience for him as well. When I was actively pursuing trying to make the sex between us better that was one of my suggestions. He for some time did take a natural form of it "Enpulse" I think it was called and we were having sex probably 4 times a week, he was initiating more, he was way more into it. But he stopped asking to renew the script and since he never asked I never pushed it. I got the sense that I was forcing him to take them, or perhaps he didn't like it, because why wouldn't he ask to renew. I did mention the last time he went to the doc "hey babe, maybe you should ask for a sample of Viagara and we could see what kind of trouble we could into this weekend" and he shrugged and said "ok" and never asked. This was around the time that I was coming to terms with giving up trying to have a sexual relationship with him anymore. It wasn't the last straw, but it was very close to the last for me.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

confusedgirl123 said:


> No, those may be the foundations for a fulfilling relationship for some, but those are not my pillars.
> 
> We have everything I've always wanted in a relationship except sex. When I've had sex and romance in relationships all the other areas fell short. I guess since he's not a sexual male he's able to focus on other areas of his life and makes up for my unhappiness in the lack of sex department but going way over and above in other areas.
> 
> He has no desire, if I wanted sex he would oblige me, but I don't want obligatory sex. Its just not worth it for me anymore. He's very romantic and loving, he does things that most men wouldn't, for instance he carved "I love you xxx" in a thing of wax that sits on the table where I keep my keys. In the summer he spray painted a massive rock where we were vacationing with his name heart mine. He constantly puts himself before me . He just doesn't want to be as sexual as I do. *I can't destroy him because of that.*


But you can allow him to destroy an extremely vital part of you?

You still haven't divulged why he has no sex drive. If you think his lack of sex drive is normal, you're wrong. If you are trying to rationalize it as a personality quirk, you'd be wrong again. If you think you can't have a great relationship that includes great sex, you are selling your happiness for parts.

You get what you settle for.


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

kitty2013 said:


> It is funny how I think exactly the same way including the accident case.


:smthumbup:


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Maybe he is just to shy to ask his doctor on his own. Also they used to be more expensive but the cost has come down recently and I find that I only really need 1/4 of a V tablet a full one can actually make it more difficult to finish. 

I am not saying every guy will have the same reaction as I do. I love sex and would like to do it as often as possible so my attitude about sex may be very different than his.


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

Accipiter777 said:


> Not being able to have sex due to this is different then not having sex because . . . well we dont know why.
> 
> Up to him to find out why


Right, I agree with you 100% It's up to him. I refuse to continue to try and make him better, make him desire more, give him options on how to fix him, its exhausting, he would go along with everything to try to make me happy, but he's just not into it. He can be into the mechanical release at the end, obviously, but that's not intimacy for me. 

He is akin to the wife who would just roll over and let her husband do it so he will shut up and go to sleep. 

That to me is not worth it. So I don't bother anymore and since I don't bother, he has no desire or very very low desire, we dont have sex. Not sure how he feels about it. But at least I don't feel rejected, or constantly questioning myself and my ability to be a woman and turn on man.


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> But you can allow him to destroy an extremely vital part of you?
> 
> You still haven't divulged why he has no sex drive. If you think his lack of sex drive is normal, you're wrong. If you are trying to rationalize it as a personality quirk, you'd be wrong again. If you think you can't have a great relationship that includes great sex, you are selling your happiness for parts.
> 
> You get what you settle for.


I don't know yet if I can allow him to destroy that part of me. I'm not sure what the future holds. I do know if I told him tomorrow I needed to have an active sexual life he would allow me to do what ever I needed to do to keep me in the marriage because he can't give me what I need. He would also let me leave if it was too much for me in the end, but I know me leaving would destroy him he has loved me for 20 years hard core. 

A big part of the lack of sex drive is age, he will admit, but before age became a factor he was always not into it. It takes a lot of mental for him to work up to having sex, the mental is exhausting at times, and in the past he would have hard times achieving orgasms with partners, this is not the case with us, I worked very hard to learn his body and I've very good at making him achieve one. He's affected by sensory over load and sex is a major cause of that, its very hard for him. There is no pill or therapy that can fix that its not a quirk, its the way his brain is wired. 

Before I used work really really hard to keep sex a vital part of relationship and he obliged for the most part, he also rejected a lot too. It just become so much work for me now, there is nothing natural about it. Its is exhausting work and its more of a turn off then a turn on. So I don't even bother.


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

john117 said:


> I don't recall mention of an accident severing vital parts of your hubby - age and lack of time is something we all deal with as well. So, assuming that he is reasonably healthy I would step back and assess.
> 
> Think of the mental reasons he may not want sex. Is he feeling pressured? Does he associate with people older than him? Is that a recent change? Is it a sudden change?
> 
> ...



We've already identified what it is. He's not normal to begin with in the sex department, he is very over stimulated by it, it is mentally exhausting for him to do it, he requires a lot of mental energy to go into having sex and achieving orgasms through sexual encounters, I worked around that for years. I had to work hard to ensure he was ok, then we could have a somewhat normal session of love making. Then throw in age, he does not get as hard, he does not have the desire at all. He will oblige, but I don't want obligatory sex.


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## NovellaBiers (Dec 11, 2013)

confusedgirl123 said:


> I've stopped masterbating because its become very saddening for me, so rather I thought avoiding all sexual activities would help decrease my desires but man was I wrong! It's now haunting me in my sleep!
> 
> Every night for almost two weeks I've had vivid highly sexual dreams with almost everyone I know or work with. Sometimes I'm not participating but rather its just going on all around me. Sometimes I'm the main event! In my dreams I've now slept with my boss, my co workers. My brother in law, my husband many times, my ex too many times! My assistant and my sons teacher lol This is crazy!
> 
> Has this happened to anyone else? I've never really had dreams like this before what is going on? (Besides the obvious fact I need to get laid :rofl


Are all your co-workers males then? What kind of job is that you do if I may ask?


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## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

You need to do whatever it takes.

Why post? To vent?

Whether he's checked?

How about letting him read this thread?


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

Anonymous Person said:


> You need to do whatever it takes.
> 
> Why post? To vent?
> 
> ...


My OP was about sexual dream manifestations lol not really about him but he's well aware of our issues there's no point in showing him this you can't change your brain wiring. He will try his best to meet my needs if I showed him this as per every other time I had enough but again I don't want sex or love making out of obligation so I've stopped wanting/needing to do it with him because its just not natural to me. Like I said before its like forcing a two year old to eat veggies, they will eat it but they will hate every second of it.


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## confusedgirl123 (Oct 7, 2013)

NovellaBiers said:


> Are all your co-workers males then? What kind of job is that you do if I may ask?


Lol yes I'm in oil and gas by day and I'm a volunteer fire fighter the male female ration is 30:2 lol I also work with my husband, the men give me lots of attention and he loves that! Boosts his ego at work his coworkers drooling over me. It bothers me tho because I really only want his attention lol


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## pinotnoir (Jul 13, 2013)

Yup, that's about where I am right now. Totally agree.
:iagree:


Anon Pink said:


> I'm 51. Been married for 29 years. Get out now. This will not get better. You will end up hating him and worse, hating yourself for wasting so much time.
> 
> "But how can I leave a good man over something as unimportant as sex?"
> 
> ...


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