# New here feeling a little lost!!



## Libby smith (Dec 15, 2021)

Hi everyone…I’m new to this kind of place,just starting with hello!…brief background of what brought me here…married with 6 kids…I found out 5 weeks ago my husband has been having affairs (many and at least one was for a year or more,) since we started dating over 20 years ago…I know it sounds ridiculous I don’t know.any time I had worries he shut me down and lied and would get angry that I was doubting him.
But then I found a second phone it was all there…
It’s been a tough time for me and the kids…all of my friends have husbands etc so feeling a little out of things.and trying to figure out how my husband kept up this second life for so long and how I allowed him to I guess brainwash me for so long.
Any advice on moving forwards or just a hello would be lovely.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Hi Libby
How awful for you to find that out. What are you doing about it now?


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## IrishMarriedMan (Dec 16, 2021)

Libby smith said:


> Hi everyone…I’m new to this kind of place,just starting with hello!…brief background of what brought me here…married with 6 kids…I found out 5 weeks ago my husband has been having affairs (many and at least one was for a year or more,) since we started dating over 20 years ago…I know it sounds ridiculous I don’t know.any time I had worries he shut me down and lied and would get angry that I was doubting him.
> But then I found a second phone it was all there…
> It’s been a tough time for me and the kids…all of my friends have husbands etc so feeling a little out of things.and trying to figure out how my husband kept up this second life for so long and how I allowed him to I guess brainwash me for so long.
> Any advice on moving forwards or just a hello would be lovely.


really sorry you were treated like that. 
Trust when broken in heart breaking.
Most married couples have shared friends and unfortunately they tend to side with one or the other if you break up.
also some of female married friends might see you as a treat if no longer with hubby and may not be as freindly.
This behaviour I have witnessed with female friends and unwarranted


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Nice people give the benefit of the doubt. Really nice people can't even conceive of hurting someone this way, so they refuse to see it even if it's in their face. I'm very sorry. I hope you have a backup plan.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Welcome!

Tell your whole story. Get it off your chest. If nothing else, it is a catharsis for what your going through.
You will find many understanding people here having gone through what your going through now.


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## Libby smith (Dec 15, 2021)

IrishMarriedMan said:


> really sorry you were treated like that.
> Trust when broken in heart breaking.
> Most married couples have shared friends and unfortunately they tend to side with one or the other if you break up.
> also some of female married friends might see you as a treat if no longer with hubby and may not be as freindly.
> This behaviour I have witnessed with female friends and unwarranted


I was left wondering about two of my friends I havnt heard from since 2 days after it all happened…maybe this is the reason.I’m sad if it is that they would ever think that way about me tho


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Libby smith said:


> I was left wondering about two of my friends I havnt heard from since 2 days after it all happened…maybe this is the reason.I’m sad if it is that they would ever think that way about me tho


Any "friend" that sides with a man that had multiple affairs while having a wife and 6 children at home is not really a friend. 

What is the status of your marriage? I assume you've confronted him with the evidence. What was his response?


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## Libby smith (Dec 15, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Hi Libby
> How awful for you to find that out. What are you doing about it now?


I am still trying to get my head sorted out tbh…it’s so much to work through.he has moved out of course but this is hard on the kids.I would never take him back though…couldn’t ever because of the extent of this and also how he treated me aside from all the cheating etc.it’s such a mess.
I’m working on myself and trying to undo some of the damage he caused and always be a good person.and mommy.


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## Libby smith (Dec 15, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Any "friend" that sides with a man that had multiple affairs while having a wife and 6 children at home is not really a friend.
> 
> What is the status of your marriage? I assume you've confronted him with the evidence. What was his response?


I took screen shots enough to show him so that he couldn’t lie anymore….there was so much on there so I just took as much as I could…of course he couldn’t deny it.he has narcissistic personality disorder I believe so the problem is I don’t think he can ever truly be sorry.he never loved me clearly and I actually wondered this often thru our marriage because of how he was with me.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Libby smith said:


> I took screen shots enough to show him so that he couldn’t lie anymore….there was so much on there so I just took as much as I could…of course he couldn’t deny it.he has narcissistic personality disorder I believe so the problem is I don’t think he can ever truly be sorry.he never loved me clearly and I actually wondered this often thru our marriage because of how he was with me.


It is always easy to start seeing all the signs after D-day, hindsight. Try to be strong for the kids. You have a houseful, are any of them old enough to help ut or do you have family to help you through all this? Also, a lawyer?


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## IrishMarriedMan (Dec 16, 2021)

Libby smith said:


> I was left wondering about two of my friends I havnt heard from since 2 days after it all happened…maybe this is the reason.I’m sad if it is that they would ever think that way about me tho


look that says a lot more about your friends insecurity that it does about anything about you.
you have enough to deal with without worring what they mad or may not think.
in time you will know who your true friends really are


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## Libby smith (Dec 15, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> It is always easy to start seeing all the signs after D-day, hindsight. Try to be strong for the kids. You have a houseful, are any of them old enough to help ut or do you have family to help you through all this? Also, a lawyer?


It’s just me…my family are all in the uk…but I have some good friends I think.and I feel I am strong enough to get thru this mess I just need to make sure my kids come out of it as best can be…be happy adults in their futures.
Our eldest now lives back in England working and studying but ages are from 4 thru 15 living at home.it’s a mixed bag of emotions tbh…
I’ve never known such a place as this where people are so kind and helpful I am so happy I tried it…Thankyou.


IrishMarriedMan said:


> look that says a lot more about your friends insecurity that it does about anything about you.
> you have enough to deal with without worring what they mad or may not think.
> in time you will know who your true friends really are


I actually went out for a quick bite to eat and drink this afternoon with my friend from the neighborhood,first time I went out in many years without my kiddos.was super nervous but I actually had a lovely time with her!I think I need to relearn who to trust and just take baby steps in a way?…Thankyou so much for being so kind and wise.


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## IrishMarriedMan (Dec 16, 2021)

Libby smith said:


> It’s just me…my family are all in the uk…but I have some good friends I think.and I feel I am strong enough to get thru this mess I just need to make sure my kids come out of it as best can be…be happy adults in their futures.
> Our eldest now lives back in England working and studying but ages are from 4 thru 15 living at home.it’s a mixed bag of emotions tbh…
> I’ve never known such a place as this where people are so kind and helpful I am so happy I tried it…Thankyou.
> 
> I actually went out for a quick bite to eat and drink this afternoon with my friend from the neighborhood,first time I went out in many years without my kiddos.was super nervous but I actually had a lovely time with her!I think I need to relearn who to trust and just take baby steps in a way?…Thankyou so much for being so kind and wise.


well fair play to you the easiest thing to do when hurt and betrayed is to wallow in misery.
Loss of marriage is like grief as losing a love but the sooner you get out there the easier it is.
best thing you can do for yourself is learn who you are and what you want.
Go out catch up with old freinds and foster new ones and your confidence as an independent woman will grown
Baby steps and the journey of a thousand miles begins wit the first step.
so proud of you. You go Girl


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## Libby smith (Dec 15, 2021)

IrishMarriedMan said:


> well fair play to you the easiest thing to do when hurt and betrayed is to wallow in misery.
> Loss of marriage is like grief as losing a love but the sooner you get out there the easier it is.
> best thing you can do for yourself is learn who you are and what you want.
> Go out catch up with old freinds and foster new ones and your confidence as an independent woman will grown
> ...


Thankyou so much for this…your words have helped me a lot today…so much.Thankyou…


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## IrishMarriedMan (Dec 16, 2021)

Libby smith said:


> Thankyou so much for this…your words have helped me a lot today…so much.Thankyou…


not at all Libby we all go through bad patches in life and when some one has betrays us we often loose confidence in ourselves and start to see and feel negatively about people situations and things.
but then when like you you meet a good friend and it can be as simple as coffee and chat.
just nice to see things can be nice and normal with time and the right outlook


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Libby, please make sure you get with a lawyer to make sure you get custody/child support, alimony, assets, etc. all figured out. The sooner you do that, you will have a plan so things won't seem so nebulous..


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

jlg07 said:


> Libby, please make sure you get with a lawyer to make sure you get custody/child support, alimony, assets, etc. all figured out. The sooner you do that, you will have a plan so things won't seem so nebulous..


Go to the top five lawyers and have free initial consultations with them and choose the best one for you and your children.


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