# Wife started / hid smoking e-cigs.



## FlyingDad

My wife dropped a bomb on me and told me out of guilt she started smoking ecigs (former smoker 9 yrs ago), and has been using "alot" for about 6 months. I went on a stress spiral, this toppled my already full plate. I pleaded to quit, as she has been lying to me about charges, questioning my whereabouts, very secretive with purse, which is new. Im the most honest guy there is, work hard, and alot to give stay at home wife and 2 kids a good life, nice car, family vacations and fun, HOUSE CLEANER, massage club, I call it the princess life, I enjoy lovign and doing for my family and others. I put everyone before myself which she points out. She does not do it in front of the kids, I asked her to quit, as her habits become the third wheel, like theres a motive to everything now to get alone time.. to smoke all day. I had found the cartridges and had no idea what it was, but never questioned it, i trust(ed) her 100% no doubt. I felt dumb..

I've asked to quit out of love for me, as Id do anything for my wife.. She agrees I would and she would do the same for me, but...im not quitting, I enjoy it
big deal ; get over it ; just let it be and I might quit ; but I really enjoy it ; Ill smoke all day, when or if I do, im not announcing it ; its not something I want to do all the time (when I'm around), but I really enjoy it

This all really overloaded me, not sleeping as I cant believe the woman i love with all my heart and treat, and love like a queen, can be so selfish. Am I wrong??


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## PBear

What's your concern with the ecigs? 

C


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## 6301

Your making a bigger deal out of this then most guys do when they find out their wives were the only woman at a orgy.

She has a habit of smoking cigarettes but at least it's the e cigarettes. Lighten up friend.


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## Happilymarried25

I think you are overreacting, it's not like she is doing drugs. I don't think it's a big deal as long as she doesn't do it around you or your children.


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## EleGirl

I agree with the others, you are making way too much out of her using ecigs.

You married her knowing that she is a smoker. She quit for a while but has apparently found that she could not sustain that. Thank goodness she started with ecigs and not cigarettes.

They are much cheaper than cigarettes and they are not any where near as bad for a persons' heath.

I know several smokers who have switched to ecigs. After a couple of months on ecigs they can taste food again, they lose the smoker's cough, they can breath better. 

It is not reasonable to expect your wife to stop smoking as a proof her love for you. It has nothing to do with her love for you.

My big concern in your post is that you seem to feel that you do everything for your wife and she does nothing, or next to nothing for you. Why is that?


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## tacoma

FlyingDad said:


> This all really overloaded me, not sleeping as I cant believe the woman i love with all my heart and treat, and love like a queen, can be so selfish. Am I wrong??


I know ecigs are supposed to be harmless and can be helpful for people trying to quit (my wife has had some success with them) but I believe for someone who is a former smoker they're a bad thing.

She has gone 9 years without a cig and now latches onto ecigs.
It could lead her into picking up smoking again.
That's pure speculation on my part since vaping is so new in this context there isn't much data but it's my perception.

I also notice when I go with my wife to get new cartridges/flavors the people in that shop seem even more addicted than smokers to cigs.

It's weird.


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## richie33

She should quit. Its funny how advice changes on here when people do not think something is a big deal. Its causing the OP stress....plus he is paying for it.


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## EleGirl

richie33 said:


> She should quit. Its funny how advice changes on here when people do not think something is a big deal. Its causing the OP stress.


Yes she should quit. Everyone who smokes should quit.

But, people become addicted to nicotine for a reason. There is something off in their brain chemistry.

I've smoked cigarettes. Usually it was with friends in the dorm or going out to party. I'd enjoy one cigarette or half of one. But the I would not want one for months and months. Nicotine does nothing for me. 

But for some people it helps them constraint, stay awake, etc. If she is smoking it's because the nicotine makes her feel better.

She could switch to chewing nicotine gum. I know a woman who has being using nicotine gum for years to get the hit without the smoke.

If the OP makes her quitting smoking to be all about whether or not she loves him... or because she has to quit because he think he does more for her than she does for him.. he is going to lose that battle.



richie33 said:


> ...plus he is paying for it.


Are you suggesting that as a SAHM she should no money that she choses how she spends it? Should her husband ok every penny she spends?

Is she not doing things for him, their children and their marriage as well?


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## richie33

I smoked for 22 years and i quit for two people....my sons. OP has the right to expect his wife to quit. 
She wants to keep smoking, fine, she should go out and get a part time job to pay for her addiction.


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## FlyingDad

Thanks for the feedback folks, Seems I'm expecting a bit much asking her to quit for me, I will take that into consideration when I put off my desires to do something for her or her family. My original disappoinment was that her and a friend (who is influencial) got ecigs for an outing I sent them on together, just to have fun, but after almsost 9 years, why would you just pick it up for fun, E or not, it could lead right back to cigs? I was told originally its only when the kids stress her out from fighting. Ends up its about 2 cartridges a day sometimes, to much free time perhaps. Almost 6 months of lies to cover it up I felt I didnt deserve. She enjoys it, ill drop the topic, and keep loving her.


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## FlyingDad

She quit originally for my son. Now we have 2, the oldest still occasionlly says good job not smoking mama.


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## EleGirl

FlyingDad said:


> Thanks for the feedback folks, Seems I'm expecting a bit much asking her to quit for me, I will take that into consideration when I put off my desires to do something for her or her family.


Do you normally punish your wife for things she does and/or does not do?



FlyingDad said:


> My original disappoinment was that her and a friend (who is influencial) got ecigs for an outing I sent them on together, just to have fun, but after almsost 9 years, why would you just pick it up for fun, E or not, it could lead right back to cigs?


What most likely happened was that she figured an ecig was harmless. So she tied it. Then she got re-hooked on the nicotine. No ecigs do not lead back to cigarettes. Most people go the other way, from cigarettes to ecigs. Most people I know to gave up cigarettes for ecigs say that now they cannot stand cigarettes, they stink and taste nasty.




FlyingDad said:


> I was told originally its only when the kids stress her out from fighting. Ends up its about 2 cartridges a day sometimes, to much free time perhaps. .


It’s hard to say whether or not 2-3 cartridges a day is a lot. It all depends on the level of nicotine in the fluid. They sell fluid with different levels of nicotine so that a person can reduce the level over time.


FlyingDad said:


> Almost 6 months of lies to cover it up I felt I didnt deserve. She enjoys it, ill drop the topic, and keep loving her.


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## EleGirl

FlyingDad said:


> She quit originally for my son. Now we have 2, the oldest still occasionlly says good job not smoking mama.


How old are your children?


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## FlyingDad

11 and 3


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## Engneer

FlyingDad said:


> Am I wrong??


In my view...Y E S !!!!!

U r 100% wrong. The smell is bugging you I'm sure...


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## FlyingDad

I do not punish her, I do put off a lot to do for everyone else including giving her plenty of free time, which I do not get. Maybe I feel entitiled to more than I should. Its not a punishment, just putting myself first.


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## Engneer

Please give elegirl a STANDING OVATION...whoever she is. :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Engneer

FlyingDad said:


> Its not a punishment, just putting myself first.


I don't know if u mean to come across as you do, but that is SO JUDGEMENTAL.

Cut her some slack. She sounds like a great mom and good wife. Give her some flowers and thank her instead of being a judgmental douche bag that looks for sympathy.


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## scatty

You will not do anything for her or her family now? Wow. That should inspire her to quit for sure. I quit smoking 20 yrs ago, but once in a while my hubby will buy me a pack of smokes because I enjoy smoking. It's not something I'm proud of, but it relaxes me.

If you can't accept it, just separate. She has to WANT to quit, and a critical spouse isn't likely to inspire her to do so.


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## HuggyBear

PBear said:


> What's your concern with the ecigs?
> 
> C


I guess you mean besides the issue that it is an addictive drug which has some correlation with disease in humans and actual CAUSAL effects of disease in animal studies?



6301 said:


> Your making a bigger deal out of this then most guys do when they find out their wives were the only woman at a orgy.
> 
> She has a habit of smoking cigarettes but at least it's the e cigarettes. Lighten up friend.


She started smoking these YEARS after quitting smoking, and she HIDES them and was lying about them... If I read this section of the forum correctly, this display of "logic" is analogous to "He's just looking at porn a few hours a day, it's not like he's out cheating with real women."



Happilymarried25 said:


> I think you are overreacting, it's not like she is doing drugs. I don't think it's a big deal as long as she doesn't do it around you or your children.


Wait... a e-cig contains a purified extract of nicotine, mixed with who knows what the unregulated Chinese companies that produce them choose to add for "flavor". YES, IT IS A DRUG, a drug many people have more trouble kicking than heroin or cocaine.

I would ask, or try to find out why she started back up. There's probably some reason that you have yet to discover. People who start using tobacco or nicotine after many years of having quit are typically self-medicating - approximately 4 out of 5 schizophrenics use nicotine to "get by". Another problem is that it seems like you're paying for them, if not directly with your money, then indirectly, by allowing her the time to just sit around and vape poison.


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## PBear

HuggyBear said:


> I guess you mean besides the issue that it is an addictive drug which has some correlation with disease in humans and actual CAUSAL effects of disease in animal studies?
> 
> 
> 
> She started smoking these YEARS after quitting smoking, and she HIDES them and was lying about them... If I read this section of the forum correctly, this display of "logic" is analogous to "He's just looking at porn a few hours a day, it's not like he's out cheating with real women."
> 
> 
> 
> Wait... a e-cig contains a purified extract of nicotine, mixed with who knows what the unregulated Chinese companies that produce them choose to add for "flavor". YES, IT IS A DRUG, a drug many people have more trouble kicking than heroin or cocaine.
> 
> I would ask, or try to find out why she started back up. There's probably some reason that you have yet to discover. People who start using tobacco or nicotine after many years of having quit are typically self-medicating - approximately 4 out of 5 schizophrenics use nicotine to "get by". Another problem is that it seems like you're paying for them, if not directly with your money, then indirectly, by allowing her the time to just sit around and vape poison.


First off, I was asking the OP why he had a problem with it. But thanks for throwing in your two bits... 

Second, many things we enjoy are not healthy for us. Alcohol kills brain cells and destroys your liver. Obesity is a major issue. E-cigs, relatively speaking, don't seem to be such a big deal. Plus, the users stink much less... 

Third, I personally DO think porn is much less harmful than having an affair. But I raise that not everyone feels the same way, which is why I asked the OP what his problem was with the E-cigs. 

C


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## lonelyhusband321

OP - I just don't see this as being a really big thing.

E-cigs were basically invented to help "real" smokers. I think Ele hit the nail on the head.

If she were sneaking two packs of "Marlboro Reds" a day, that would be different. She would be on a fast track to death.

I DO see where you're coming from about hiding it from you, but maybe she just didn't want all the drama that apparently was really on the horizon.

Talk to her about the trust part and I'm sure you two will get through it - IF neither of you make it a "marriage-breaker".


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