# Started love dare



## Solars77

I'm on day 5 of the love dare and so far, I have gotten nothing from my wife. I am going to keep going, but wow, it is a struggle. I will NOT give up. I dont care how long this takes.


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## Solars77

Solars77 said:


> I'm on day 5 and so far I have gotten nothing from my wife. I am going to keep going, but wow, it is a struggle.





Solars77 said:


> I'm on day 5 and so far I have gotten nothing from my wife. I am going to keep going, but wow, it is a struggle.


H E L P!!!!!!!


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## Personal

Okay I’ll bite, what the hell is a love dare?


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## Solars77

It is a 40 day dare. Each day has a task. I will NOT be easy. I reccomend you watch the movie Fireproof.


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## Personal

Sounds dull, maybe you should get a puppy.


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## Solars77

Personal said:


> Okay I’ll bite, what the hell is a love dare?


Its a 40 day challenge to help with your marriage. From the movie Fireproof


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## anchorwatch

If you explain what prompted you to start this you might get some feedback.


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## Diana7

What has led you to do this?


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## Solars77

I am a hard headed polish guy that has a very small tools box to deal with feelings. I am trying my hardest NOT to be my Father. Ill add more later. I love my wife and 2 children. There was infidelity of sorts. I just want my wife to know that I would do anything to get back to the way we were. I am trying.... really trying. Though she has a wall up and not taking anything I have to say seriously. I love her with all my heart and I know I have caused this, but I want to make it right and try to AS CLOSE of the man she wants me to be and the man I want to be.


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## st5555

Solars77 said:


> I am a hard headed polish guy that has a very small tools box to deal with feelings. I am trying my hardest NOT to be my Father. Ill add more later. I love my wife and 2 children. *There was infidelity of sorts.* I just want my wife to know that I would do anything to get back to the way we were. I am trying.... really trying. Though she has a wall up and not taking anything I have to say seriously. I love her with all my heart and I know I have caused this, but I want to make it right and try to AS CLOSE of the man she wants me to be and the man I want to be.


The phrase "There was infidelity of sorts" stood out for me. It sounds like you are saying you were kind of unfaithful, but not really. Some might say it's typical cheater whitewashing/minimizing/downplaying. If this is the attitude you present to your wife, then no wonder she's not onboard. 

If you own what you did to its fullest and try and see it from her perspective, perhaps then you could move forward.


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## Blondilocks

Days 1-4 are what most people do on any given day of the year. It doesn't make you husband of the year material.

So, your plan to get back on your wife's good side isn't as easy or going as well as you had thought it would, eh? Perhaps, you could get some counseling to figure out why you did what you did rather than resorting to another guy's plan to improve his marriage.


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## Girl_power

You can never go back to the way things were before infidelity. It changes you.


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## Solars77

We are in counseling. This was reccomended to me by my therapist.


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## Solars77

Blondilocks said:


> Days 1-4 are what most people do on any given day of the year. It doesn't make you husband of the year material.
> 
> So, your plan to get back on your wife's good side isn't as easy or going as well as you had thought it would, eh? Perhaps, you could get some counseling to figure out why you did what you did rather than resorting to another guy's plan to improve his marriage.


I know it's not going to be easy. Nowhere in my post did I ever say it was.


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## Blondilocks

Solars77 said:


> We are in counseling. This was reccomended to me by my therapist.


It sounds like you're in couples counseling. What about individual counseling for just yourself?


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## Solars77

Girl_power said:


> You can never go back to the way things were before infidelity. It changes you.


I know. I have been told.


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## Solars77

Blondilocks said:


> It sounds like you're in couples counseling. What about individual counseling for just yourself?


I do that also.


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## Blondilocks

Solars77 said:


> I know it's not going to be easy. Nowhere in my post did I ever say it was.


Then why are you frustrated after just 5 days?


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## Solars77

Blondilocks said:


> Then why are you frustrated after just 5 days?


I am easily frustrated at this point in time mostly because I'm laid off and have been for 3 months. Kids don't listen. Money. The usual things that would make this harder.


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## Blondilocks

Solars77 said:


> I am easily frustrated at this point in time mostly because I'm laid off and have been for 3 months. Kids don't listen. Money. The usual things that would make this harder.


How about you explain what you hope to get out of this thread. What is it you're looking for here?


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## Solars77

Blondilocks said:


> How about you explain what you hope to get out of this thread. What is it you're looking for here?


I hope to fill my "emotional tool box" with better tools. Learn to be more
sensitive to her feelings, listen more, talk less and be more supportive.... to start.


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## Diana7

What exactly have you been doing that led you here? Its very hard to make comments if we dont know what has gone before and how much of this is you and if she has any issues that need dealing with as well. 
The fact that your wife is still with you is encouraging, at least she hasnt divorced you.


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## Solars77

She has a rough abusive past with her father,low self esteem. Trust issues. I have the problem that I dont have much compassion, listening skills are horrible, im still kinda selfish, but working on that. Also, I am, sorry for the lack of a better phrase, emotionally retarded.


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## Blondilocks

You're going to have to spell out what you did that sorta constitutes infidelity, I'm afraid.


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## Diana7

Solars77 said:


> She has a rough abusive past with her father,low self esteem. Trust issues. I have the problem that I dont have much compassion, listening skills are horrible, im still kinda selfish, but working on that. Also, I am, sorry for the lack of a better phrase, emotionally retarded.


So she has trust issues anyway and then you cheated?


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## Openminded

When infidelity is involved, it can take years to recover from — and sometimes not even then. Don’t try to fast-forward through the process.


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## Personal

Is this a sorry you got caught thing? Since all you're doing here is trickle truthing, which doesn't bode well for how honest you are with your wife.


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## ConanHub

If you want to be a better man, be a better man. You will benefit personally and your family will benefit as well as anyone associated with you. The love dare isn't bad but don't think it is some magic trick to make everything better. It gets clueless people to start behaving like a loving spouse should so go with it without expecting anything in return.

Be good to her and your children because it is good. Develop integrity and do what is right for righteousness sake.
I am curious if you are a Christian?


The love dare is Christian in origin so I'm wondering.


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## Imagirl

No real advice but thanks for making me aware of the love dare. Strong relationships are ones where the effort never stops and I am going to suggest to a friend's that we both do it for our men. I love loving my guy so this is great!


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## Mr. Nail

She did not fall in love with, marry with, have children with, the man you are trying to reinvent yourself as. If she wanted to be with a different kind of man, she would be.


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## Solars77

ConanHub said:


> If you want to be a better man, be a better man. You will benefit personally and your family will benefit as well as anyone associated with you. The love dare isn't bad but don't think it is some magic trick to make everything better. It gets clueless people to start behaving like a loving spouse should so go with it without expecting anything in return.
> 
> Be good to her and your children because it is good. Develop integrity and do what is right for righteousness sake.
> I am curious if you are a Christian?
> 
> 
> The love dare is Christian in origin so I'm wondering.


YesRoman Catholic 


ConanHub said:


> If you want to be a better man, be a better man. You will benefit personally and your family will benefit as well as anyone associated with you. The love dare isn't bad but don't think it is some magic trick to make everything better. It gets clueless people to start behaving like a loving spouse should so go with it without expecting anything in return.
> 
> Be good to her and your children because it is good. Develop integrity and do what is right for righteousness sake.
> I am curious if you are a Christian?
> 
> 
> The love dare is Christian in origin so I'm wondering.


I'm a non practicing Catholic


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