# Does being known as a cheater prevent a waywards from having future relationships?



## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

I would never date a cheater. Because if you will cheat on your family, why would'nt you cheat on a boyfriend.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Cheaters have a remarkable ability to spin things to favor themselves and there are plenty of people who believe them.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Yup. You won't pat a kitten that has already bit someone.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Lets assume everyone knew.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

I did, once, in college. She was a friend before we started dating and I knew she had busted up with a long-term boyfriend under shady circumstances.

When we started dating, I probed for the full reasons behind that break-up (there were lots of rumors in our social circle) and she confessed that he had dumped her after she cheated on him. She rationalized her infidelity a little bit but for the most part, admitted that she had handled their issues poorly and wished she had just ended it. The acrimonious break-up had created a rift between their families (she had known said BF since they were kids) and she basically acknowledged that it had caused a lot of hurt. She teared up when talking about her parents giving her the "I'm-so-disappointed-in-you" speech.

I was cautious but I didn't have to be; her experience sent her in the other direction and she was pretty anti-cheating. As far as I know, she was 100% faithful. I think she was terrified to risk that kind of injury again.

Just like any other facet of a person, I believe you just have to do a risk-assessment on these things. If you are in a position to date a known cheater, what kind of cheater is it? One who agrees they made bad choices? Or one who is defiant and blames it on the other person? If I am ever on the dating market again (God forbid), I won't discount a cheater on that basis alone, without knowing more of the circumstances. Granted, if they tell me and do nothing but offer excuses, then exit Convection, stage left. If it is more akin to my previous experience, I'd be tempted to give it a guarded attempt, and just keep my eyes open. But this is different for everyone. If it's a deal-breaker up front, then that's what it is.

That girl and I didn't last and mutually ended it a few months later, though we remained acquaintances until I graduated and lost touch with her. She was a good person, who made immature, bad decisions. But she seemed to get the hurt and pain involved, so I would hope her one bad choice didn't doom her to a lifetime of loneliness. I also get this may not be representative of all cheaters in future dating lives. My $0.02.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Not everyone is the same some people learn some don't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My ex-husband actually uses it as part of his pick-up routine. 

_My ex-wife was so defective, so frigid, made my life just so lonely and miserable, that I eventually just couldn't take it anymore. She drove me into the arms of another woman! I just couldn't help it. I was so wounded that I just needed someone to love me._ 

It makes the ex out to be the problem, makes him seem very sympathetic, and dismisses the cheating as a one-time deal brought on by his desperately cruel situation. And, if she hears his wife left him for cheating, he gets points for already having been so vulnerable and honest - and sadly remorseful - about his painful past. What he isn't telling them, of course, is that he was a serial cheater throughout the marriage. His "confession" is simply an updated variation of the same "please save me from my evil wife" line he used to hook his AP's when he was married.

And, yes, he uses it because it works.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Rowan said:


> My ex-husband actually uses it as part of his pick-up routine.
> 
> _My ex-wife was so defective, so frigid, made my life just so lonely and miserable, that I eventually just couldn't take it anymore. She drove me into the arms of another woman! I just couldn't help it. I was so wounded that I just needed someone to love me._
> 
> ...


I worked with a guy like this years ago. He cheated because his ex was "lazy, fat, ugly, didn't work, used him, didn't contribute", etc. One day, his stunningly beautiful ex walked through the doors to our office dropping off some paperwork regarding their children that she needed him to sign. She handed me the paperwork (I was the receptionist) and said if he had questions to let her know but that she would be in surgery for the next 3 hours so unavailable during that time frame. I was young and stupid so I blurted out "Oh, wow. I hope everything goes well for you and your recovery". She looked at me totally baffled and said "I'm the surgeon and everything will go just fine".


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

_*Does being known as a cheater prevent a waywards from having future relationships?*_

Nope. Brad and Angelina are still going strong. Fact is, anyone can have a future relationship.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

There are different sorts of cheaters. Not all of them are bad people or bad partners in all future relationships. What is universal about cheating is that it always involves the loss of self respect. A woman no longer feels attracted to her husband. Perhaps he has disappointed her profoundly. Nonetheless, her decision to cheat means that she has to sink to compete with whatever his shortcomings were. Thus, the need to rewrite the history of the relationship.

For men who cheat the loss of self respect is little different. He may love his wife but want sexual adventure/conquest. When he lies to his wife about where he has been, he turns her into the i
unwitting victim of his deceit. Who can treat his SO like this without becoming a jerk?

After someone has done these things, do they say never again?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Depends on if she learned from her mistake and taken responsibility for it if so then yeah but I would keep my guard up.


old habits die hard


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## raven3321 (Sep 25, 2013)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I worked with a guy like this years ago. He cheated because his ex was "lazy, fat, ugly, didn't work, used him, didn't contribute", etc. One day, his stunningly beautiful ex walked through the doors to our office dropping off some paperwork regarding their children that she needed him to sign. She handed me the paperwork (I was the receptionist) and said if he had questions to let her know but that she would be in surgery for the next 3 hours so unavailable during that time frame. I was young and stupid so I blurted out "Oh, wow. I hope everything goes well for you and your recovery". She looked at me totally baffled and said "I'm the surgeon and everything will go just fine".


Wow....just wow.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

MattMatt said:


> Not everyone is the same some people learn some don't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And what's scary about that is they'll all claim they learned how awful it is. You can't easily separate those who tell you what they think you want to hear from those who tell you what they really believe.

What you do know is a wayward is/was quite adept at lying and omitting.


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## KeepingUpAppearances (Jul 14, 2013)

Nope, because a cheater will always attract the type trash that would go into a relationship with someone that is already in one.

It's the one who was cheated on the ends up damaged and insecure in dating.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

I am sure a cheater can have future relationships.

Just not with me.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Nope it doesn't. It might limit the type of people they can enter into relationships with, but it will not hinder their ability to enter and have them in the future. Cheaterville and the other like websites, show that they are able to enter into relationships again and again, as you see several that have entries from more than one betrayed person. 

People only see and believe what they choose and want to.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

illwill said:


> I would never date a cheater. Because if you will cheat on your family, why would'nt you cheat on a boyfriend.


How would you know if they never told you?


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

I really can't see by stbxw telling her potential future partners (read "victims") that the reason the marriage ended was because she was a skanky wh*re that cheated with a lowlife loser. Somehow I think that's a small detail the cheater will conveniently leave out.

Sadly I look at almost all women as cheaters. I know it's wrong, but what can I say. She damaged me good. I don't trust any of them. That being said, I would never get involved with a woman I knew to be a cheater.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Healer said:


> Sadly I look at almost all women as cheaters. I know it's wrong, but what can I say. She damaged me good. I don't trust any of them. That being said, I would never get involved with a woman I knew to be a cheater.


Yes. This worries me. I will probably just ask the ex of the future relationship. 

Or listen to any red flags. 

I guess I will probably be hypervigilant which would get tiresome quickly for the guy. Since he will know my history, he will have to be patient. It is just my piece of baggage now.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Being the Ex Bs wouldn't be around to defend themselves and lay out the full truth a cheater would always spin it in their best interest, h3ll most of them try to make it your fault anyhow so you know they would continue with that story.
In a nutshell sure a cheater can have future relationships it's just doubtful they would ever tell the truth to their new SO so they wouldn't know they were damaged goods.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

> Does being known as a cheater prevent a waywards from having future relationships?


Nah, there are still people out there that think it won't happen to them.

I will never date a cheater if I know about it. If I find out about it after dating, then it will leave a sour enough taste in my mouth that the relationship might not end right there and then, but would deteriorate after that.


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

Most people are so blinded by infatuation with a new lover that they don't care. If they do, they will just accept any explanation and only see their side.

My wife put down her exes so much early in our relationship that I am now pretty certain they are all great guys I would probably want to hang out with.


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Cheaters have a remarkable ability to spin things to favor themselves and there are plenty of people who believe them.


Yep. STBXH's latest GF knows that he was cheating on me and she still wants to be with him. Of course he's told everyone that I'm Satan. Oh well..... the people who fall for their **** will find out sooner or later....but they will... cause I trust that they suck.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Does being known as a cheater prevent a waywards from having future relationships?

No. Some will have learned and straighten out. Others will just continue to cheat.


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