# How do you show Appreciation & Respect after everything



## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

I have a question. I just red Respect & Love and it was quite interesting. It said that a man' most basic need is respect which I beleive is true. Lack of appreciation/respect I belive contributes to a lot of extramarital affairs by men.

My H of 31 years cheated on men and we are trying to rebuild and slowly it is working. The problem I have is how do you show appreciation/respect for someone that lied and betrayed you.

My H owes his own business and has made some very bad investments in the last year and it has impacted our financial situtation/business immensely. I think this attributed a lot to his affair as he runs from his problems from lack of coping skills. Now we need to pick up the pieces and start over. I am in it for the long haul but find how do I show respect and admiration for someone that has ruined us financially?

Any ideas, if I keep harping about these mistakes, it will just push him further away I'm sure.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I think the way is by letting him know you realize a bad investment is no indicator of his intelligence, that bad things happen and without risk there is no reward. Reinforce the positive in him and support him during the negative, a man can never ask for more than that, it is his true reward.

As to what makes a man cheat, I really have no insight as I have never been presented with the opportunity (or atleast I've never been receptive to one), but can tell you with certainty that same lack of appreciation/respect in her H definitely contributes to a lot of affairs by women too.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Regardless of what contributed to his affair, he didn't have much respect for you or the marriage to step out on it. 

As far as how do you respect and appreciate someone who has hurt you financially and emotionally with the affair, is time. Time is the only thing I really know of. If you are in it for the long haul, you both will need to learn mutual respect and appreciation for each other.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Does he feel he deserves respect and appreciation after what he has done? 

I think if he is truly remorseful for the affair and the finances, and he is working really hard at proving that to you, then you will probably gradually get that respect and appreciation back for him. I also agree it will take time. 

Does he also understand why you lost the respect and appreciation for him? Or does he expect for you both to just pick back up from where you left off before things went down hill?


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

thanks everyone for your opinions. I do agree that no he didn't respect me in anyway by doing what he has done but if I keep dwelling on the past, I have not much hope for a future.

Lon, you had some good advice. Yes, time is what we both need.

Caly Lily - I do beleive that he would just like to start over and in some ways I do too. Leave the heartache and stress behind us.

I know for my H, respect and admiration is something he really craves and I think I have been lacking in that respect in our marriage so I want to rectify that as it is obvious one of his basic needs to feel happy and content.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

Clinging said:


> I have a question. I just red Respect & Love and it was quite interesting. It said that a man' most basic need is respect which I beleive is true. Lack of appreciation/respect I belive contributes to a lot of extramarital affairs by men.
> 
> My H of 31 years cheated on men and we are trying to rebuild and slowly it is working. The problem I have is how do you show appreciation/respect for someone that lied and betrayed you.
> 
> ...


What do you do for a living?


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

Why does it matter what I do for a living? I'm in Human Resources.


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