# Kids affectionate to me and not wife



## Who Knew (Feb 21, 2013)

My wife and I are in the process of repairing our marriage. During this time I'm trying to help her figure out why I get all the affection from our 7 and 9 year old girls. They also give me all the thank you's even for things that my wife does for them. 
She is affectionate to them but not towards me. She also bends over backwards for them all the time. I am more strict with discipline, but in a loving way. This is something that she is extremely jealous of and is causing us problems. 
Yesterday was my 9 year olds b- day and my wife went to extremes to make it a nice day. When we all met at dinner with my parents both my kids ran past my wife, hugged me then went and sat down. My wife went into the bathroom and cried. 
I have a post here with details of our relationship but don't know how to link it. Thanks for reading.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Maybe they see how your wife treats you and is trying to compensate with their love (and punish her by withholding their affection). Kids can tell what's going on.

If you are working on the marriage, make sure you show outward signs in front of the kids that you two love each other. If their behavior threatens your reconciliation, you have to pull them aside and tell them they need to show the same respect and love to your wife as they do to you.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

To add to what Chris said, another part is the difference in parenting style you mention. With you the kids know exactly where they stand. Your strength and leadership is something they feel. The result is that you are the anchor that they can count on. I'm going to guess that your wife is not consistant, does not follow through on boundries and consequences and is quick to negotiate and appease. You love in a way that builds character in you kids. Your wife loves in a way that ruins them. 

Obviously a lot of speculation on my part and may not totally apply but these things do seem to be true in general and its amazing how kids can sense this.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

Daddy's little girls..

That's just how it is and for your wife to get all upset about it is rather shortsighted and well.. rather dramatic.

She needs to understand this is just a phase and not take it so personally.

Is she a drama queen?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

northland said:


> Daddy's little girls..
> 
> That's just how it is and for your wife to get all upset about it is rather shortsighted and well.. rather dramatic.
> 
> ...


Hate to burst your theory but I have a 7 and 9 year old. Both girls.

They are just as affectionate with me as they are with my husband.

It's not a phase.

Something else is wrong.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

This happens in my house as well.

I honestly think it's a respect thing.

My wife enables and jumps when my daughter needs something.
My wife will take her disrespect to the point that I have to reel the girl in when she gets out of line with my wife (My wife won't correct her) she'll just take it.
I hold her accountable for dealing with her own stuff.
I take no **** from her and she knows better than to try and give me any.

I am first to be acknowledged first to be greeted and the one she's always clinging to.

However my daughter doesn't withhold affection from my wife, it's just always secondary and lessened with her.

Yours seem to be entirely withholding from her and there has got to be a reason for that.
Maybe they perceive your wife is the source of troubles in your family/marriage and are acting accordingly.

I think you have a somewhat normal daddy's girl situation here exasperated by your wife's enabling and whatever is going on in your marriage.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

They do not respect the wife.


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## LoveMy2Boys (Apr 16, 2013)

Did she ever bad mouth you to them? Maybe they resent her for disrespecting their daddy?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> Maybe they see how your wife treats you and is trying to compensate with their love (and punish her by withholding their affection). *Kids can tell what's going on.
> *
> If you are working on the marriage, make sure you show outward signs in front of the kids that you two love each other. If their behavior threatens your reconciliation, you have to pull them aside and tell them they need to show the same respect and love to your wife as they do to you.


People say that stuff all the time. There was a lot of stuff going on in my family and the wider family, I didn't get it until I was older.

Where does this idea come from?


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## Who Knew (Feb 21, 2013)

Sorry it's been so long but figured I'd update. My wife and I are doing much better, and she is now in ic. They have discussed boundaries, and not giving in all the time. 

I believe her changes along with our improvements have led to more affection for her. She still shows me no affection even in front of the kids. My opinion is that is standing in the way somewhat. Thank you for your replies. I continue to work on me, us and our family. Good luck to you all and have a nice Christmas.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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