# Will my ex come back?



## Lonergal (28 d ago)

We broke up a month ago cos he cheated and going through depression. He said it was simply casual and he said he doesnt have any feelings for the girl. When I first confronted him, he said he didnt plan on leaving me if hadnt caught and was undecided to breakup after I found out. But then when I learned more details about the cheating, he ended it and he said he doesnt deserve a second chance tho I said I was willing if he would tell me his issues with me that led him to cheat. He wouldnt say at first so I still text him 2x a week for closure and he seemed annoyed and said that we’re done and has lost feelings.

But few days ago he finally opened up about his issue with me and misunderstanding in our relationship. he said that I seemed to not understand how hard life is for him right now. Like I was insensitive. That may have led him to seek attention somewhere else. 
Hes been ranting about life for the past 2 months. He just graduated and he went abroad to find work. He ended up at a housekeeping job which he despises. Maybe he got a wounded ego. Cos in his home country he is a pilot but unemployed. I have always been there for him to cheer him up but maybe the stress was too much for him. 
I apologized to him for making him feel that way. I then told him that I understand his situation and to focus on his healing. He then said, “let me be for now. Thanks for everything”. Is there still a chance? Cos he said “for now”
But I stopped messaging already after I apologized


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

It isn't your fault he cheated. That was all on him. That's how he decided to handle his life. Now that he knows you'll blame yourself for it he'll just keep doing it.


----------



## Lonergal (28 d ago)

Yeah he seems to have low self esteem or poor stress management. But what do you think of his last statement? He said “for now”. Did he mean we are not totally done?


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

He cheated and you’re apologizing. Ugh. 😔

You deserve better. Everyone has stress. Every relationship has misunderstandings. If you take him back, he’ll do it again. He’s not married to you and already cheating.

You deserve better.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He’s the only one who knows whether you’re really done or not. Keep in mind he may always cheat whenever he thinks aren’t going his way. Better that you move on.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Lonergal said:


> Yeah he seems to have low self esteem or poor stress management. But what do you think of his last statement? He said “for now”. Did he mean we are not totally done?


Most cheaters want to hang on to everyone they're having sex with as long as they're not putting up too much of a fuss about the others.


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

It’s definitely over, read all the breakup lines (there are quite a few!) and reasons and all you’re seeing is ‘for now’ and grabbing onto that. He’s told you quite a few lines that really say, it’s over. 

So stop being really nice and supportive because he’s definitely breaking up and doesn’t want to hear from you anymore. I think he’s even told you to leave him be, which also means stop contacting him. 

Sorry, you’ll be ok. Don’t embarrass yourself anymore he’s moved on.


----------



## Lonergal (28 d ago)

Luckylucky said:


> It’s definitely over, read all the breakup lines (there are quite a few!) and reasons and all you’re seeing is ‘for now’ and grabbing onto that. He’s told you quite a few lines that really say, it’s over.
> 
> So stop being really nice and supportive because he’s definitely breaking up and doesn’t want to hear from you anymore. I think he’s even told you to leave him be, which also means stop contacting him.
> 
> Sorry, you’ll be ok. Don’t embarrass yourself anymore he’s moved on.


I see. I thought he was maybe reconsidering now that he finally opened up and we have talked our issues through. Just wish he hadnt said “for now”. But I hadnt contacted since and finally gave him space. Thank you


----------



## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

You are young...just walk away or you will always be plan B


----------



## lmucamac (4 mo ago)

Some more important details like how long you’ve been together and your age range, would be helpful. It sounds like your both young and have a lot to learn about relationships. It’s time to move on. Find someone who wants to be with you.


----------



## Greatdayforbay (3 mo ago)

The question should not be "Will he come back?"

The question should be "Why would I want him to?"

He didn't cheat because of your problems, he cheated because of his. Do not make his problems your problems. You need to value yourself before you try to put value on this relationship. Understand that you deserve better than someone who would cheat on you and then say it's because you don't understand how miserable he is. Misery, by the way, that is caused by his choices, not yours. 

Find someone worthy of you, then worry about whether you are worthy of them.


----------



## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

It sounds like you want him back. I understand because you still love him.. it sounds like he is going through depression.. he needs help from a therapist. He won't be any good to you if he doesn't figure out his issues first.. how long do you plan on waiting for him?


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Why would you keep begging for scraps?

That sends the message that you're low value. But you're not ....you're much higher value.


----------



## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Lonergal said:


> We broke up a month ago cos he cheated and going through depression. He said it was simply casual and he said he doesnt have any feelings for the girl. When I first confronted him, he said he didnt plan on leaving me if hadnt caught and was undecided to breakup after I found out. But then when I learned more details about the cheating, he ended it and he said he doesnt deserve a second chance tho I said I was willing if he would tell me his issues with me that led him to cheat. He wouldnt say at first so I still text him 2x a week for closure and he seemed annoyed and said that we’re done and has lost feelings.
> 
> But few days ago he finally opened up about his issue with me and misunderstanding in our relationship. he said that I seemed to not understand how hard life is for him right now. Like I was insensitive. That may have led him to seek attention somewhere else.
> Hes been ranting about life for the past 2 months. He just graduated and he went abroad to find work. He ended up at a housekeeping job which he despises. Maybe he got a wounded ego. Cos in his home country he is a pilot but unemployed. I have always been there for him to cheer him up but maybe the stress was too much for him.
> ...



Until you learn to demand better treatment, men are going to string you along and treat you like trash, and you’ll accept it for much longer than you should. Having self respect doesn’t mean someone won’t mistreat you, it means that you don’t tolerate it.


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

He might come back but the better Q is why do you care? He's a cheating selfish liar who is blaming his cheating on you. 

Honey, the best thing that can happen to you is he walks away from you & never looks back. You will have a lifetime of this if you take him back.


----------



## Canadiana (1 mo ago)

Lonergal said:


> But what do you think of his last statement? He said “for now”.


You're reading far too much into that one phrase. 

It's a meaningless couple of words that he likely gave no thought to when he added them to the end of his sentence. And it sounds as though you deserve a heck of a lot better anyway.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Lonergal said:


> _*I apologized to him for making him feel that way. I then told him that I understand his situation and to focus on his healing. He then said, “let me be for now. Thanks for everything”. Is there still a chance? Cos he said “for now”
> But I stopped messaging already after I apologized*_


Good lord. Find your DIGNITY.

You've let this POS blame you for HIS scumbag behavior. Not only that, but you're actually WAITING for this poor, poor _*victim*_ to "heal" from the horrible "trauma" you apparently caused him.

OP - find your dignity. Find your self-respect, find your pride, and for the love of ALL that is holy, find your dignity. If you had these things I promise you, you sure as hell wouldn't be blaming yourself for the actions of some lying grown man nor would you be treating him like he's some kind of 'victim.'

Just stop.


----------



## Tiddytok5 (8 mo ago)

Lonergal said:


> We broke up a month ago cos he cheated and going through depression. He said it was simply casual and he said he doesnt have any feelings for the girl. When I first confronted him, he said he didnt plan on leaving me if hadnt caught and was undecided to breakup after I found out. But then when I learned more details about the cheating, he ended it and he said he doesnt deserve a second chance tho I said I was willing if he would tell me his issues with me that led him to cheat. He wouldnt say at first so I still text him 2x a week for closure and he seemed annoyed and said that we’re done and has lost feelings.
> 
> But few days ago he finally opened up about his issue with me and misunderstanding in our relationship. he said that I seemed to not understand how hard life is for him right now. Like I was insensitive. That may have led him to seek attention somewhere else.
> Hes been ranting about life for the past 2 months. He just graduated and he went abroad to find work. He ended up at a housekeeping job which he despises. Maybe he got a wounded ego. Cos in his home country he is a pilot but unemployed. I have always been there for him to cheer him up but maybe the stress was too much for him.
> ...


Not your fault for his behavior, his actions or what he may be going through in life.

This guy doesn't have any feelings for you and is likely looking for someone to enable him and coddle him.

He wants to contribute to a woman devaluing herself, and believing that he's the best that she can do, and what she deserves...

So she'll wind up staying, taking his meds, and catering to him.

This is why he's annoyed and fed up. 
So far (I hope not) you haven't volunteered for the position that he wants a woman to fill. 

You haven't fallen into his "trap."
(I hope that you never will)


I highly advise you to terminate all contact and communication with him. 

Block and delete on everything.

Don't initiate or respond to any contact.


Perhaps therapy would be beneficial.

It's obvious that you have low to non existent self esteem and respect 


..... because of this post...

And ...
.. because you haven't let go of him.



Elevate your self esteem. Learn to love and respect yourself.


Leave him alone completely.

The more you stay, the more heartbreak you will endure.

Work on yourself first before getting involved with anyone else again.

He isn't genuinely interested in you.
He isn't the only guy in the world.

There's billions.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

You realize that he turned the cheating all back as being YOUR fault -- YOU were insensitive, YOU didn't care that his life was so hard, etc. etc. etc. BS, BS, BS.
His cheating is HIS FAULT completely, not yours. You didn't "drive" him to cheat. YOU wanted to know what YOU did to cause that -- NOTHING. I think perhaps you need to look at yourself in terms of self-esteem if THAT was your thoughts with him -- that you caused it. His own character flaws are what caused it.

Forget the "let me be for now" -- the correct statement is "let me be" . Don't bother with this awful person any more -- block, work on your self-esteem so that you don't automatically blame yourself for the faults of others, and move on...


----------



## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Lonergal said:


> We broke up a month ago cos he cheated and going through depression. He said it was simply casual and he said he doesnt have any feelings for the girl. When I first confronted him, he said he didnt plan on leaving me if hadnt caught and was undecided to breakup after I found out. But then when I learned more details about the cheating, he ended it and he said he doesnt deserve a second chance tho I said I was willing if he would tell me his issues with me that led him to cheat. He wouldnt say at first so I still text him 2x a week for closure and he seemed annoyed and said that we’re done and has lost feelings.
> 
> But few days ago he finally opened up about his issue with me and misunderstanding in our relationship. he said that I seemed to not understand how hard life is for him right now. Like I was insensitive. That may have led him to seek attention somewhere else.
> Hes been ranting about life for the past 2 months. He just graduated and he went abroad to find work. He ended up at a housekeeping job which he despises. Maybe he got a wounded ego. Cos in his home country he is a pilot but unemployed. I have always been there for him to cheer him up but maybe the stress was too much for him.
> ...


Sorry, but this guy sounds like an absolute loser, WTH do you want him back and WTH did you apologise to me.
Cheating is a choice never a mistake and a partner is never to blame for their partner cheating.
*He said he doesnt deserve a second chance.*
Totally agree with him.
You know the score if you take this guy back and if you do I can only wish you good luck.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

No.


----------



## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

The bigger question is...why do you want him to come back? Get rid of this dunce. Life is full of stress...now you'll worry for the rest of your life that he'll cheat if there's ever any stress? That's no way to live. This husband is full of excuses. I think it's time for you to get with someone who can cope with life in a normal way.


----------

