# I am so lost!



## jumpman09 (Dec 12, 2010)

My wife and I are in the military. She deployed 2 weeks ago. The Friday before she deployed we did our car registration and she asked about taxes. I told her it looks like we will be filing married, but single because we had not time left before she left. She was pissy about that, but she did not plan accordingly and we started arguing. During this she says if this is how I am trying to win her back it's not working. 

Later I invited her to see the dogs before she left. She was on the couch and I asked her if she could write a note stating that she wanted the divorce (filed joint). She said, "no and why do I want that." I told her 5 years down the road I do not want to look back and say the Joint divoce paperwork is where I gave up. She told me that she did not give up on the marriage. I was shocked and said, "if you did not give up and I did not give up why are we getting a divorce?" She said, "Sometimes marriages don't work out (been married 16 years)."

Is she playing with my emotions, hinting to me to chase after her or is she confused. I know that I am.

Can a marriage end if both people don't give up on it?


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Could it just be nerves of deploying?


----------



## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

She doesn't want to think of herself as a failure so she's putting all the blame on a "thing", that thing being "the marriage" and it seeming to be a matter beyond anyone's control, as in these things just sort of happen and it's no one's fault, and in a way that's sort of true. People just grow apart, I believe human beings are capable of serial monogamy but with time limits much shorter than say, 15 to 20 years. It just..gets.. old. 

Don't look into it anymore than that, she's not looking to suddenly tear up the divorce papers and jump right back into your arms.


----------



## jumpman09 (Dec 12, 2010)

Mam- could be, but it's no where dangerous. 

hisfac- growing apart is part of love. It's a cycle. Our marriage issues are fixable if she wants to fight for it. I retracted my signature and put everything in her court. I emailed her and told her that I didn't want to make any assumptions so I asked her one final time does she want a divorce. 1 week later no answer, you think she would at least tell me what she wants from me. She told our friend the reason we are getting divorce was because we were both miserable last year and something had to change.


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

jumpman09 said:


> Mam- could be, but it's no where dangerous.
> 
> hisfac- growing apart is part of love. It's a cycle. Our marriage issues are fixable if she wants to fight for it. I retracted my signature and put everything in her court. I emailed her and told her that I didn't want to make any assumptions so I asked her one final time does she want a divorce. 1 week later no answer, you think she would at least tell me what she wants from me. She told our friend the reason we are getting divorce was because we were both miserable last year and something had to change.


- Remote tours still make people nervous (I've been there).
It also might be giving you an 'out' if you wanted or maybe she wanted an 'out' the tour allows for excuse. Her getting pissy and then deploying just makes me think that... 

Marriage definitely has it's ups/downs and is very cyclical - it just takes two people (not always at the same time) to work on it, but being apart can help/hurt a marriage.


----------



## jumpman09 (Dec 12, 2010)

Mam- She is in Kuwait for 6 months. We have spent a lot of time apart since she came into the military. I don't know what is going through her head. All her actions with the marriage seems illogical and immature. She says one thing, but her actions show another. She is 34 hanging out with mid 20's single people. I am pretty sure that they are giving her advice. Even when I gave her the courtesy of telling her that I pulled my name from the paperwork she did not respond. I don't know why she is ignoring me or is she thinking things over. All I know is she recieved the last email from me for a while. I need to continue improving myself. I will always be there to pick her up when she falls.


----------

