# Separated, pregnant and husband insists on naming baby after him???



## nursemama (May 27, 2012)

I've posted to this site before about my situation and got great feedback. I initiated separation in January due to fighting and his abuse of pain pills. We had been working on marriage and had ultimate goal of getting back together when he decided maybe I wasnt trying enough and time apart had been too long so on mothers day early morning he told me he found someone else and was done working on our marriage. So now I am pregnant and due end of august with what will be his first son. He has always wanted a son named after him and to make the baby a junior. I have been against it and said we could use his first name as a middle name and baby would still have his last name of course. It means the world to him he keeps saying etc.... but I dont know that I can name this child after his father under these circumstances. Am i being selfish? Thoughts and opinions please!!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

nursemama said:


> I've posted to this site before about my situation and got great feedback. I initiated separation in January due to fighting and his abuse of pain pills. We had been working on marriage and had ultimate goal of getting back together when he decided maybe I wasnt trying enough and time apart had been too long so on mothers day early morning he told me he found someone else and was done working on our marriage. So now I am pregnant and due end of august with what will be his first son. He has always wanted a son named after him and to make the baby a junior. I have been against it and said we could use his first name as a middle name and baby would still have his last name of course. It means the world to him he keeps saying etc.... but I dont know that I can name this child after his father under these circumstances. Am i being selfish? Thoughts and opinions please!!


If he's with PosOW, he has nothing to say about the name of the baby.

Going along with him (against your wishes) is doormat behavior.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Hell no, tell him to piss up a rope.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Maybe his 'new' POS OW would be willing to have a child with him and give it his name.....

Good luck. Sorry youre going thru this when you need him most.


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## nursemama (May 27, 2012)

I think the name thing is like an honor and not a right or entitlement and if he decided to be with another woman while we are pregnant and still married he kinda gave a lot of his right to his opinion up. He says him being with another woman should have nothing to do with naming of child and men and women will come and go from mine and his lives but him and I are linked forever with this child and the childs name shouldnt be decided out of emotion. I've stood up for myself all this time but his master manipulation has almost exhausted me. For now I'm avoiding contact and the subject, as I'm so emotional, hormonal, and stressed about the situation that the name is not my top priority to worry about. Thanks for feedback.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Oh for christs sake, what an insecure ass that he dreams of having his son named after him, and demanding that it happen. Tell him you would be happy to adopt a dog from the animal shelter and name it after him...much more fitting.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

tacoma said:


> Hell no, tell him to piss up a rope.


I hadn't heard that in forever! Piss up a rope! 
OP, he doesn't deserve that honor. When he gave up son at least 50 percent of the time and when he tore apart unborn baby's family with no regard, he lost that honor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Don't let him in when you are delivering and name the baby yourself.

He tells you on MOTHER'S DAY that he found someone else? Sorry.... But there was someone else all along.

What a POS.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nursemama said:


> I think the name thing is like an honor and not a right or entitlement and if he decided to be with another woman while we are pregnant and still married he kinda gave a lot of his right to his opinion up. He says him being with another woman should have nothing to do with naming of child and men and women will come and go from mine and his lives but him and I are linked forever with this child and the childs name shouldnt be decided out of emotion. I've stood up for myself all this time but his master manipulation has almost exhausted me. For now I'm avoiding contact and the subject, as I'm so emotional, hormonal, and stressed about the situation that the name is not my top priority to worry about. Thanks for feedback.


His wanting to name his son after himself is based no emotions. So his argument does not hold water.

Are you going to allow him to be at the birth?

Have divorce papers been filed? If not you should file ASAP so that he has no rights to be at the birth, etc.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

nursemama said:


> I think the name thing is like an honor and not a right or entitlement and if he decided to be with another woman while we are pregnant and still married he kinda gave a lot of his right to his opinion up. He says him being with another woman should have nothing to do with naming of child and men and women will come and go from mine and his lives but him and I are linked forever with this child and the childs name shouldnt be decided out of emotion. I've stood up for myself all this time but his master manipulation has almost exhausted me. For now I'm avoiding contact and the subject, as I'm so emotional, hormonal, and stressed about the situation that the name is not my top priority to worry about. Thanks for feedback.


When he asks, you can explain cake eating to him.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Conrad said:


> When he asks, you can explain cake eating to him.


Say, 'I was going to name baby after your but didn't think it would be fair to name an innocent baby 'Dirty Cheating A$$ hole'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea. Lots of "demands" from someone who is in NO position to make such demands. 

I would just tell him that I won't be naming MY son after a man I hope to never see again. No need for reminders. 

My ex wanted a son named after him. I was so happy when we found out we were having a girl. Problem solved. No way in hell was I going to give my child the name of the man that I knew was not going to be in our lives forever.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You might want to seriously start treating him according to the 180... see the link in my signature block below.

He is using your willingness to talk to you to pour salt on your wounds.

He's left you in a very difficult position. You need positive things and support now. Seek it from family and friends who actually care about you.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I guess I just don't understand the whole naming a son after me thing. My youngest shares my name as his middle name, but that was pretty much only because we couldn't come up with anything else  It was never a big deal to me, or anything I really ever thought about.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> he *decided maybe I wasnt trying enough* so on mothers day early morning he told me he found someone else and was *done working on *our marriage.


Why not throw all of your STBXH's cr*p back in his face?'

Nursemama: "I was considering naming MY son after his sperm donor, but then I *'decided maybe I wasn't trying enough' *to give him a meaningful name so on Mother's Day I found another name and I'm *'done working on'* MY son's name."



> He says him being with another woman *should have nothing to do with naming of child*...and *the childs name shouldnt be decided out of emotion*.


Nursemama: "You're right, you being with another woman *should have nothing to do with naming of child*, just as MY being with you IN THE PAST *should have nothing to do with naming of child*. Again, you're right; the child's name shouldn't be decided out of emotion. I'm afraid *naming him after you WOULD be based purely on emotion on YOUR part*. I guess when YOU can give birth to YOUR OWN SON, then YOU can name him whatever you please...without emotion, of course!"

"I have a beautiful name picked out for MY son. You can read it on his birth certificate when you sign it."

Then pick a name YOU like, keep it to yourself, make sure STBXH is not allowed in your delivery room (shouldn't be hard, you're the mama in labor and they want to keep you calm; since you're divorcing him...shouldn't be hard for hospital staff to comprehend), make sure your entire delivery team KNOWS that your STBXH dumped you at 6 months pregnant ON MOTHER'S DAY and that YOU and YOU ALONE will be naming your son (your STBXH is NOT to have ANY SAY on the birth certificate.) Trust me, they'll ALL be willing to help you out with putting the name YOU have chosen on his birth certificate. And, they might even be willing to let you snip a little more than just your son's umbilical cord (if you know what I mean!) :rofl:


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

No you aren't being selfish

And I don't think you should name your son for his father for other reasons. You have no way of predicting now what your son's relationship will be like with his father in the future and the name might end up a burden to him as well as you

Your ex simply has entitlement overload

So sorry you're in this situation. FWIW, I think it takes a special type of scumbag to cheat on and leave a pregnant woman.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

what a cheeky motherf*cker - tell him to 'get bent' as we say over here

he lost the right to make demands when he cheated on you


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Stand your ground. Even if you two were married and together, you should still be able to come to a compromise on this. He shouldn't demand that you name your son a certain name. It should be a compromise.

I think that your compromise of using his first name as a middle name is a good one.

My ex-husband started his affair when I was 9 months pregnant, and he left when my son was 9 months old. My son shares the same first name as his father--but, he goes by his middle name. (It is sort of a family tradition on my ex-husband's side). It is super confusing...and if I had it to do all over again, I think I would have switched his middle name with his first name.

But, at the time, I thought we were going to be together forever and a family forever. ...and i was trying to honor family traditions.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

_Nursemama: "I was considering naming MY son after his sperm donor, but then I 'decided maybe I wasn't trying enough' to give him a meaningful name so on Mother's Day I found another name and I'm 'done working on' MY son's name."

Nursemama: "You're right, you being with another woman should have nothing to do with naming of child, just as MY being with you IN THE PAST should have nothing to do with naming of child. Again, you're right; the child's name shouldn't be decided out of emotion. I'm afraid naming him after you WOULD be based purely on emotion on YOUR part. I guess when YOU can give birth to YOUR OWN SON, then YOU can name him whatever you please...without emotion, of course!"

"I have a beautiful name picked out for MY son. You can read it on his birth certificate when you sign it."_

****************************

If I may, there is nothing "Slow" about "Slowlygettingwiser"

These are absolutely perfect and I would strongly encourage you to use them. The look on his face will be PRICELESS.

You owe it to yourself.

Remember - emotionless.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You are not selfish, he is. I agree about filing. If you can't file for divorce, stop contact with him and do not tell him when you are in labor. Tell the hospital that you don't want him in there. Don't even tell them he's the father, just your ex. At the birth just sign the certificate yourself with the name you want. Honestly I wouldn't even use his name as a middle name, what an a hole.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nursemama (May 27, 2012)

Wow! Slowlygettingwiser - I love those comments and would be perfect words to say to him!! I've come to the conclusion that this man is a narcissist and I've been hit hard with his manipulation and lies, and the name thing is just another part of his narcissism. He has two daughters also that have his name intertwined with theirs. He also doesnt believe he cheated since we were living separately, which I quickly told him we were still married and seeing each other, working on our marriage with hopes to get back together. I found him on dating site after a huge fight and I knew he had spoke with women on this site and through facebook but he also told me he would delete all of this for his marriage....well he couldnt and he never did because he loved all the attention he received. Typical man and all his behaviors of lying, taking no accountability, justifying everything he does, blaming me, projecting all his bad qualities onto me, cheating, and caring only about himself and his needs lead me to believe more he is truly narcisstic and cant be helped. Once he met someone else he could lie to and pretend to love he dropped me like a hot potato when only hours before he was in love with me and spending time with me at our home. I was used and led on. He has a lot of nerve demanding the baby be named after him. He will pour on the niceness and charm when he does talk about it because he wants his way and says "why cant I have a girlfriend and be part of the pregnancy?" and "dont you want me happy". This man is absolutely insane and maybe even a sociopath with no conscience....not someone I want to name my child after.


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## nursemama (May 27, 2012)

in saying "typical man" i was more referring to a typical narcissistic man. I want no offense taken by men in general.


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## nursemama (May 27, 2012)

And no, nothing has been filed in the way of divorce. Either of us could file now but nothing can be finalized til after birth. I am a nurse in labor and delivery where I plan on delivering, and know if I decide to not allow him there for birth it will be easy to prevent. Just because he is father doesn't give him the right to be there especially if he has no respect for me.


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