# That little voice in the back of your head



## RPosie (Aug 2, 2008)

I've always doubted something about my husband's and my relationship, but could never put my finger on it. We've loved each other, had our ups and downs as any relationship does, but made it through 10+ years together.

Recently, it hit me. It was like a critical mass - and now I don't know how to proceed. The little voice in the back of my head was always trying to tell me something but I was too ignorant to hear it - or it just wasn't the time to know it. Now it seems like it is because it hit me like a wrecking ball.

He's got some uphill battles to conquer (don't we all) and I feel like he is holding me back. I feel hopeless about our marriage, even though we are going to a counselor and working on things. 

How do I take the next step ... How do I move on?


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

What is the next step? Does he know you are ready to seriously change your situation? Is he part of that change or does he have the option to be part of it if he changes your dynamic?

How is MC going for you two? What are the issues in your marriage? Do you see then as fixable?


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

How is he holding you back?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RPosie (Aug 2, 2008)

Anx, Sanity, thanks for the replies.

That is exactly the question - what is the next step? Waiting, I guess, to see if he holds up his end of the bargain. He has and knows he has the option to be part of the next step, as we've discussed it in depth at MC. It's just so frustrating because we've done this song and dance for a year now - I want to live a much simpler and healthier lifestyle and there are certain things he claims he's willing to do but it doesn't change though he swears it will. 

I'm tired of being lied to. I'm tired of living with someone who doesn't respect me, who calls me an @hole if I make him uphold one of his never-ending promises. It's just become so apparent that all he really cares about is himself and perhaps I should stop judging that and do the same myself....i.e. go our own ways.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Nothing is holding you back but YOU. You choose to let him derail you, and then you blame him for it. That is not fair. Quit blaming him for your failures.

None of that excuses his lying or verbal abuse, of course, but do not confuse the issues.


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## RPosie (Aug 2, 2008)

sisters359 said:


> Nothing is holding you back but YOU. You choose to let him derail you, and then you blame him for it. That is not fair. Quit blaming him for your failures.
> 
> None of that excuses his lying or verbal abuse, of course, but do not confuse the issues.


Well sisters359 - that's just a little bit harsh, wouldn't you say? I mean, thanks for taking the time to reply and all - but seriously?

Yes I need to be more firm with my boundaries, but why isn't he to blame for 'derailing me' as you put it, in the first place? Because I wasn't firm enough, it's my fault? Marriage, if you are familiar with it, means making sacrifices, it means making negotiations that sometimes you aren't 100% on par with.


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