# Help, can't understand men



## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

Growing up without a dad and no siblings either I missed out on being around men. My best friend as a kid was a boy, but only till 11 years old, so not sexually.



I really have a hard time dealing with male sexuality. Porn, nudity on tv, fantasies, looking at other women, the ideal woman, etc. I don't even know what my question is.



Please help me understand men and sexuality, as it's really undermining my self worth.



I feel really I should be like petite girly sexy girls and I'm not.

I'm blonde, tall, independent, not girly, 7 years older than my partner.



Thx for the user guide to men, I hope LOL 😁


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

My partner had a homosexual experience as a late teen, a FWB for 4 years, porn and strip clubs in his past.

I don't feel enough for his desires nor believe I'm all he wants.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If that is you on your avatar...you have nothing to worry about. You're cute as the d!ckens....

Why all the weirdness with your partner?

TESTOSTERONE. 

Couple that with poor boundaries and too much exposure to porn and you have a partner who needs to seriously work on himself and his boundaries. HE is the one with the issues. Not you. Quit beating yourself up.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I would suggest googling the book "Married Man's Sex Life". It is fairly cheap and has pretty good explanation of how men's sexuality works.
Yes, I know not everyone agrees with its prescriptions for how men should behave toward women, but that wasn't the question.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

D!ckens made me look up Charles ****ens and well, haha 😆


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

@technovelist: What is the writers name?


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Bandit is correct in that testosterone is a powerful hormone. It can wreak havoc on adolescent young men. The problem, which seems to be your partners issue, is that as we mature we must learn to curb our hormone driven urges and desires. Some of us unfortunately never grow up enough to gain this control. Perhaps your partner will, in time, mature into a man but it seems currently he his still being driven by his hormones and women are the candy to his kid (kid in a candy store). You are not the problem and if/when he matures or if you find someone else more mature, you will see this is true. Being a man is more than just growing facial hair, any male of sufficient age can do that, being a man entails much more including knowing how to treat, and be with, a lady.

Also the fact that you are physically 7 years older than he is also problematic in that women mature earlier than men and that means he is quite a ways behind you on the maturation scale. Perhaps express your concerns to him about your feelings of inadequacy and see if he is mature enough to understand and modify his behavior. It is worth trying. Good fortune to you.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

catfan said:


> @technovelist: What is the writers name?


Athol Kay.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

I'm 42 and he's 35. I do look younger and feel a lot younger too. Indeed testosterone might be the cause of things I don't understand. I just didn't experience this growing up. 

Being in a relationship with a man for almost five years now is still hard. I just don't understand how to fulfill all he wants.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

catfan said:


> Growing up without a dad and no siblings either I missed out on being around men. My best friend as a kid was a boy, but only till 11 years old, so not sexually.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Here goes.

Most guys have high sex drives HD and could have sex every day and multiple times a day. We re built on testosterone which makes us bigger, stronger, more muscular and of course sexual.

Ladies knows this and wear clothing to show their curves even more, makeup to show their beauty even more, etc. Result is us guys look, drool and want even more sex.

Myself, I love a tall woman because I'm 6 ft 2.

An independent woman is also fantastic because she is my equal then and not a needy child.

There is no ideal man or woman. Just be true to yourself.

If you don't like men drooling over you, dress more professional in a sexy way. If you love men drooling over you, dressing with less clothing, revealing and shows those curves more gets you that extra attention.


Both take the 5 love languages quiz separately and then compare the results. You will know how to relate to each other much better.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

How many guys have you had relationships with? You are certainly NOT in a good spot right now to learn about MEN...A man with a Bi-background will send you a lot of mixed signals...

Jeff Foxworthy once described a male's proprieties as "I wanna see something naked, and a beer" That just about covers it....

It is hard to read about relationships....It is best learned by experience....My wife and I had an extremely sexual relationship.....I learned a lot about a mans sexuality one day....

We had already had sex 3 times that morning, and as I was driving to work I spotted a hot girl walking down the sidewalk, and my head swiveled around to OHHH WOW....NOT 20 MINUTES AFTER HAVING MY 3RD REALLY GOOD ORGASM.....

I realized then that there would never be ENOUGH sex, and realized there was no point in looking for ALL the sex.....I think every guy comes to that realization sooner or later

Porn is JUST entertainment...Enjoy it with him or forget it....

Strip clubs....I have been to a couple....My attitude may not be typical, but my take was....This is fake sex, I will be having real sex in a couple of hours....

I have found that I have no TYPE when it comes to women...Very tall, short, curvy, thin....They all have their own sexual persona...If they dug me, I dug them....Don't dwell on physical BS....

Have you ever had sex with a guy that really rocked your world?

Everyone deserves that experience....Luckily I was the one for my wife...After 2 months of dating, she found out in about 5 minutes, and announced very vocally that she was in love.....She was not expecting it, and it was her first "OH SH-IT moment in our relationship....

Feb 2nd will be 50 years....


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Catfan,

Don't try to understand men. There's no secret formula. We're all different.

Spend your time instead understanding yourself and becoming comfortable with yourself. Then find a man that wants you for who you are.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
First and most important, there are over 3 BILLION men. Don't try to understand men, try to understand the particular man you are interacting with. Any attempt to think of men as being alike will just lead to inconsistencies and confusion. Same for tying to understand women of course.

About the only common thing I've seen for almost all men is that they like being respected and valued - but that it true of almost all women as well. 


OK on to specifics: 
Porn / nudity: Many men (but not all) enjoy porn or related things. They do view it differently from each other:

Some see it as a amusing, arousing thing, no bearing on reality. Sort of like a woman using a vibrator. I think this is harmless. For all intents and purposes all men DO masturbate, (as do most women) an porn as an occasional aid seems harmless to me.

Some men see it as reality, and they can develop very bad ideas of what real sex should be like. This can be a big problem for your sex life.

Some men become addicted, watching all the time and ignoring their partners. This is disasterous - like any other serious addiction.



Next: not all men are attracted to the same thing. Some men (like me) are attracted to a wide variety of women - I think many women are beautiful. I can't compare the to each other, its like asking your favorite food: Steak? Cheesecake? Fresh cherries? They are all delicious in different ways and can't be compared.

Some men are attracted to traditional forms of beauty. Some really appreciate it. Others I suspect really are showing off to their friends. (look what I have).


My advice is to find someone who appreciates YOU. If that isn't who you are with, find someone else - they are out there.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> If that is you on your avatar...you have nothing to worry about. You're cute as the d!ckens....
> 
> Why all the weirdness with your partner?
> 
> ...


This.

Seriously cat, you aren't the issue. Your man isn't behaving well.

You are plenty attractive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

About to be singles on TAM. Nice
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

catfan said:


> I'm 42 and he's 35. I do look younger and feel a lot younger too. Indeed testosterone might be the cause of things I don't understand. I just didn't experience this growing up.
> 
> Being in a relationship with a man for almost five years now is still hard. I just don't understand how to fulfill all he wants.


Maybe he needs to work on fulfilling you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

CatFan, 

Men like dogs, and chicks.

That sounds sexist or cheeky, but read between the lines.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

catfan said:


> @technovelist: What is the writers name?


I highly suggest that you not get that book. It's a PUA (Pick Up Artist) type book that teaches men things like women lose their value as they age while men's value increases. And that's some of the milder stuff in the book. It might describe some men, but hardly all men.
If you think you are confused now, you will be much more confused after reading the book.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I highly suggest that you not get that book. It's a PUA (Pick Up Artist) type book that teaches men things like women lose their value as they age while men's value increases. And that's some of the milder stuff in the book. It might describe some men, but hardly all men.
> If you think you are confused now, you will be much more confused after reading the book.


Thank you. I second this motion. Under no circumstances, DO NOT get this worthless book.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I highly suggest that you not get that book. It's a PUA (Pick Up Artist) type book that teaches men things like women lose their value as they age while men's value increases. And that's some of the milder stuff in the book. It might describe some men, but hardly all men.
> If you think you are confused now, you will be much more confused after reading the book.


Interesting, because I agree, though we are usually at opposite ends. I think the book is primarily a sales-focused attempt at over-generalization. He actively tries to convince most men they are "nice guy" failures, while trying to appeal to the rest not to fall into the trap.

Mostly, I'd never take advice from a guy that looks like Vince Masuka from "Dexter".

Author:
The MAP Coaching Team | Married Man Sex Life

Vince (the loser wannabe sex troll from Dexter)
C.S. Lee as Vincent Masuka in Dexter


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

catfan said:


> Growing up without a dad and no siblings either I missed out on being around men. My best friend as a kid was a boy, but only till 11 years old, so not sexually.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


i can't speak for all men, but i'm willing to bet $100 bucks this is SO not true.

get that out of your mind pronto and embrace who you are!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Forest said:


> Interesting, because I agree, though we are usually at opposite ends. I think the book is primarily a sales-focused attempt at over-generalization. He actively tries to convince most men they are "nice guy" failures, while trying to appeal to the rest not to fall into the trap.
> 
> *Mostly, I'd never take advice from a guy that looks like Vince Masuka from "Dexter".*
> 
> ...


I can't unsee this now.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

OK, I just have to point this out. First Athol Kay, then Vince Masuka, and now the baby in the picture from the front page.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/home-page-feature-news/296106-you-ready-kids.html


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