# I thought every man...



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

...loved to masturbate and watch porn. :scratchhead:

My husband tells me that he does not need to masturbate because he has a sexy wife who enjoys lovemaking. He feels that porn is a bad substitute for the real thing and my hubby hates fake boobs. 

I wouldn't mind if my husband masturbated or watched porn, as long as it didn't cause problems in our bedroom. I am not one of those women who would be offended by her hubby watching porn; I enjoy watching it myself!

What do you think? I wonder if my husband is being honest.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth...You're one of the lucky ones, my dear, I'd trade places with you anytime, as I'm still dealing with the fallout from my husband's preference...which is not me.

What a problem this has caused us...all due to his selfishness.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husband jokes he struggles to keep up with me (and yes so far he is) so no he isn't masturbating. Now porn he'll watch it with me but not by himself.

I think your husband is being honest.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

My guess is he is pretty honest...and if he doesn't so what?

Everyone likes what they like.....so if you both are happy....dont worry about it. 









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

My H doesn't watch porn or masturbate much. He could and I wouldn't be offended.. But there was a time when he went overboard with porn, so I imagine he knows his personal boundary with it now and he chooses to not watch it (alone). Can't say we will never run into that issue again, but for now its pleasant.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I think all you girls are just sooo cute.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I used to be a daily porn user when I was in my marriage. But that was because my wife held the purse strings of our sex life, and was a bi-weekly to monthly drive. Since leaving and being with my GF, and we're both good with daily sex whenever possible (and not "vanilla sex" at that), I only really watch porn with her, and have masturbated once (I think) in the last year. I would much prefer sex with her than DIY.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

tacoma said:


> I think all you girls are just sooo cute.


cute or naive? lol.

ETA: I'm sure my H sneaks a peak at porn without me and masturbates more than he let's on, but its not interfering at all with his desire for me or his performance... I can live with that


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> My husband tells me that he does not need to masturbate because he has a sexy wife who enjoys lovemaking.


I would have to totally agree with your husband. My wife and I both enjoy sex and have a very satisfying sex life. Why would I need to masturbate?

My personal opinion is that porn starts to come out in relationships that do not have that satisfying lovemaking side. Men (typically) are not getting the fullfilment and stimulation they need and turn to porn to fill the void. Usually coupled with masturbation to ease the ache.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tacoma said:


> I think all you girls are just sooo cute.


Ahhhh, Tacoma, dear, you and I have had this discussion a time or two. 

Unless one counts HBO series Game of Thrones and True Blood as porn... as well as videos captured of our own escapades on our cell phones as porn, my husband doesn't view it either. In addition, he doesn't masturbate either. I wouldn't care if he masturbated, as long as I got sex as often as I like. 

He says he doesn't, don't assume he is lying. If it wouldn't bother you if he did, don't freak out if it turns out that he does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

And if he is lying, I'm sure you'll find out someday...but I'm sure he isn't.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

when my exf would visit here from australia i would never masturbate, didnt need to in the least.

havent watched porn in the last several years.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I'd like to believe he's being honest and he could be.

How many men though DO ADMIT that they view porn and masturbate to their wives and girlfriends? 

I may be wrong, but I bet that number is very low...

But, until you have any evidence otherwise, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it and take him at his word.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> What do you think? I wonder if my husband is being honest.


Masturbation is to real sex with a loving partner what chewing gum is compared to Christmas dinner.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> ...loved to masturbate and watch porn. :scratchhead:
> 
> My husband tells me that he does not need to masturbate because he has a sexy wife who enjoys lovemaking. He feels that porn is a bad substitute for the real thing and my hubby hates fake boobs.
> 
> ...


Well, if he is getting his hands full in steamy sex then he doesn't need substitutes. I'm also like that? Is that a problem? 

And, since you don't mind if he actually does it, then you're fine either way. Plenty of women around who would love that.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

When my sex life with my spouse returned, I lost the urge to watch porn and masterbate.. I guess I'm wired that if 'the real thing' is available, I don't need the substitute.

Disclaimer; By 'available' I do mean sex without strings attached like the old 'checklist' where I had to barter, trade or earn it. And it also isn't 'duty or obligation' sex... she's willing and enthusiatic.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I think he could be totally honest, especially if you are giving him all he needs. I am finding that, as I get older, I want to "save it" for my wife unless our schedules keep us apart. Oh, and by the way, I also am not a fan of fake boobs. My wife (even at 56) has the most perfect set of B-cup breasts! I am reminded of the line from "The Princess Bride" that says, "There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a pity to damage yours."


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I don't think he is lying. It sounds like you keep his plate full. There are guys who don’t masturbate. I grew up thinking that masturbation is an OK healthy thing to do. I love sex and the sensation it gives me. I agree with the notion shared by others that there is no substitute for partnered sex. Having sex with you sole mate adds to the intensity and intimacy. 

I don’t agree with some of the implications here that “if you have a healthy sex life than you should not ‘need’ to masturbate” These sentiments seem to drip and ooze with too much judgement, guilt and “shoulds” for my taste. 
Personally (and I think this applies to many men and some women) masturbation and/or porn offers a variety that is relatively benign. 

I was raised Catholic but, my parents raised me to believe that masturbation and adult material was a natural thing. I love my body and my wife loves hers. I think there is no reason why men and women should not feel comfortable with self-pleasure. I also think that some ways solo sex can be more physically intense since there are no distractions and or compromises.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> ...loved to masturbate and watch porn. :scratchhead:
> 
> My husband tells me that he does not need to masturbate because he has a sexy wife who enjoys lovemaking. He feels that porn is a bad substitute for the real thing and my hubby hates fake boobs.
> 
> ...


My husband says the same thing. I dunno??? I've never seen porn on the computer. He's not a computer person either, he'd rather spend time with the kids and I.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

If you are having sex with a adventurous, fun, attractive woman almost daily, why would one bother.....

Unless you have a predilection not fulfilled in the bedroom, no reason to if you are getting all the sex you want..... Unless to learn new technique.....


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> I wouldn't mind if my husband masturbated or watched porn, as long as it didn't cause problems in our bedroom. I am not one of those women who would be offended by her hubby watching porn; *I enjoy watching it myself!*


To me it sounds more like you're looking for a reason to watch with your husband. Out of curiosity, how does your husband feel about you watching occasionally?


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Ehh. I'm not really into film porn. Once in a while, I do like to READ some, tho'. I do like masturbating (hard to break nearly twenty years of habit) but not so much where I'd let it jeapordize my relationship... and, frankly, it's 10x better with her. I generally only do it when I feel neglected in that dep't.


I recall once that my SO was chatting online with a dude that she was WAY too close to (a story for another time). It was late on a sunday night, and I was flipping thru channels as she was typing away. The local public access sometimes has a bright bulb who puts on porn (oh, so clever), and I was like' "Hey, porn!" I got tired of it after a couple of minutes, and went on to something else after the novelty wore off.

Evidently, this got them to talking about it. Her (way too close and out of line and if I had belonged to a website like this five or six years ago, my response would've been worlds different) friend must've asked her to ask me what kind of porn I liked. Put off that they were apparently having this disscussion, I replied that I preferred written porn.

Dude called me a liar, 'cause I'm a guy, and therefore am "visually driven."

I replied that I didn't like being called a liar, and that I didn't really get off on watching dead-eyed broads doing whatever they could for money (I feel much less harsh about more positive pornography where both parties actually appear to be having a good time) and that I had grown up in a household where I had much more access to written porn than static pictures or videotapes (not entirely true- I was just mostly grossed out by heavily made-up 80s women lowering their boundaries for cash) so it was natural that I preferred it.

Some dudes don't like porn... or at least, what instantly springs to mind when you think of porn. Female positive/sex positive porn is certainly okay by me... just not something I seek out all of the time. If she wanted to watch some on her own or together, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Wow, this thread grew quickly.

Dr. Rockstar, we have made love with porn on the television before. It added visual stimulation which was intense but we only made porn during sex a one time thing. My husband doesn't mind if I watch porn as long as it does not replace sex with him and it isn't too often. 

I suppose my beliefs about men and porn are an example of how pervasive and misleading stereotypes can become. It's just like men who think all women need romance to enjoy sex.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I'm a guy, and I never understood the attraction of porn in a marriage, unless they are looking at it together. When i was younger, it held a fascination for me to check out a few movies, but it just never drew me in as a frequent viewer. I don't know how to describe it, it was just a feeling of "been there-done" that. Aside from looking at a couple of movies together, the thought of it didn't even cross my mind when I was married. Heck, i don't even look at it now. 

So, I personally don't find you're husband's comments unbelievable, especially since you two have a good marriage.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Maybe I'm a chick struggling in a man's body. Porn doesn't do much for me, never has, no interest. To me it's soulless, mechanical. I mean how many variations on a theme can there actually be?


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

My hubs stopped watching a while ago- hasn't in 6 months or so, according to him.
He said it's not that difficult to do, but he wasn't addicted either.
My respect for him grew, knowing this..
I'm not against it totally myself, but he said he wasn't thrilled that I watched it without him, so we both quit. 
Not watching is no big deal to him, (us!)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Maybe I'm a chick struggling in a man's body. Porn doesn't do much for me, never has, no interest. To me it's soulless, mechanical. I mean how many variations on a theme can there actually be?


Maybe that's what it is with me. It just seemed like if you've seen one, you've seen them all.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

^^^ U guys are very refreshing..we hear so much about guys & their porn habits- it's good knowing that porn need not be a necessity in life
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WEDDING_PLANNER1964 (Aug 14, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> ...loved to masturbate and watch porn. :scratchhead:
> 
> My husband tells me that he does not need to masturbate because he has a sexy wife who enjoys lovemaking. He feels that porn is a bad substitute for the real thing and my hubby hates fake boobs.
> 
> ...


Hmm, interesting. Well, you are either in the stages of marriage where you two can't keep your hands off each other and are having great sex ALL the time, or your husband is telling a little white lie. 

Look the thing is, ALL men (aside from the VERY religious types whom don't believe in sex for pleasure) LOVE masturbating. However, some men feel that it is something to be embarrassed about. Some may even feel like enjoying self satisfaction is emasculating or a "weakness". This is silly and it's just male insecurity. There is nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself and it can be quite liberating. 

If you think this might be the case, I would suggest mutual masturbation. Pleasure yourself and tell him to start pleasuring himself, look into each others eyes -- this can be incredibly intimate and erotically electrifying. Watching each other climax is a TRULY wonderful experience that I feel all couples should try.

With all that said, it could be that your husband just does not enjoy masturbation because he hasnt found the right niche of pornography. I have a link to a website that has HUNDREDS of very specific niches of pornography, however I am still new here and unfamiliar with the forum policies on such material. Send me a PM if you would like the link to the site, all of the content is free and streaming. 

Cheers Mate


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

I don't really know if my husband watches porn or has his "happy time", he says he dosent so.....

I don't check either or ask him about his time spent alone. 

We have sex a lot, so if he is than as long as its not replacing me, don't care.


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## WEDDING_PLANNER1964 (Aug 14, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> I don't really know if my husband watches porn or has his "happy time", he says he dosent so.....
> 
> I don't check either or ask him about his time spent alone.
> 
> We have sex a lot, so if he is than as long as its not replacing me, don't care.


Thats a healthy attitude to have! Im sure your husband does enjoy masturbating but its not as good as sex so as long as you two are maintaining an erotic relationship, things should be good.

Cheers Mate


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

WEDDING_PLANNER1964 said:


> Thats a healthy attitude to have! Im sure your husband does enjoy masturbating but its not as good as sex so as long as you two are maintaining an erotic relationship, things should be good.
> 
> Cheers Mate



You know what, I wanna take that back, he does watch porn. 

He bought a new camera just so he could tape us. 

I assume he has fun with it later. We just made one last night


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

WEDDING_PLANNER1964 said:


> Hmm, interesting. Well, you are either in the stages of marriage where you two can't keep your hands off each other and are having great sex ALL the time, or your husband is telling a little white lie.
> 
> Look the thing is, ALL men (aside from the VERY religious types whom don't believe in sex for pleasure) LOVE masturbating. However, some men feel that it is something to be embarrassed about. Some may even feel like enjoying self satisfaction is emasculating or a "weakness". This is silly and it's just male insecurity. There is nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself and it can be quite liberating.
> 
> ...


Sigh.... not all men masturbate. I am not naive either. My husband HAS in the past. When we met, we lived 1000+ miles away from each other and called daily. We had phone sex. Before we met, he had viewed his dad's porn. It disgusted him and he hasn't viewed any since. 

We have been married 12 years... no porn on any devices we carry around. No porn on the computers. None on the TV. We are together nearly 24/7. Only time apart is when he goes to appointments or I go shopping. My dad is with him for the appointments. The kids are with him at home. So, no. None viewed at all. And, no desire to do so. 

He has no desire to masturbate. None. I even encouraged it a few times. He was adamant. You can believe what you want. But *I* know MY husband! And trust me.... he LOVES sex for pleasure, not just procreation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

C3156 said:


> I would have to totally agree with your husband. My wife and I both enjoy sex and have a very satisfying sex life. Why would I need to masturbate?
> 
> My personal opinion is that porn starts to come out in relationships that do not have that satisfying lovemaking side. Men (typically) are not getting the fullfilment and stimulation they need and turn to porn to fill the void. Usually coupled with masturbation to ease the ache.


I'd say that's not how it is with me. Believe me, I have the most satisfying sex life I've ever had. And it has actually caused me to sometimes masturbate more. We'll have outstanding sex, and the very next morning I may do it while she lays next to me and takes part. And again in the afternoon some times. We have a great sex life, but the "orgasm inequality" sometimes leaves her satisfied for the evening, while a few hours later I'm ready to go again. She may have anywhere from typically 5 to 10 to my one. 

Now, part of the reason my sex life with my W is so completely fulfilling is because of this. She may not be in the mood the morning after such a session, yet I am. So I take care of it. With her there if she's available. And half the time, I don't get too far with it before she's suddenly in the mood again! And if she's not, that's okay. I get to satisfy my urge, with her, and bond with her. Much more satisfying and bonding than "sneaking one in" in the shower or when she's out of the house. We both love it.

As for the porn, we watch it together maybe about half as much as I watch it on my own, which isn't too often. But she generally knows when I do on my own. I'm very forthcoming with it, and have nothing to hide with this woman. 

All this has lead to a situation where I feel like I "want" to do these things sometimes, not "need" to do them. Huge difference. One is extremely satisfying and makes her the sexual partner of my dreams...the other would make her my exW, the sexual partner of most mens nightmares.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Early in my marriage I had my ex W convinced I was not into porn/masturbation either. I never even really had to lie about it, she just assumed, but I did give off non-verbal communication (body language and facial expressions) to help keep her off the scent.

Until she discovered I did it a lot when she wasn't around. It was a real betrayal when she found out - I quit pretty much cold turkey (would find the occasional less gratuitous erotic outlet to alleve the compulsion) and I think she really did trust that I was off of it - of course years later when she was in her affair she flung it all back in my face, I suppose she never really did reconcile over it after all.

So ladies if your H really is honest and is having only you to fulfill all his sexual needs, then great, but if you find out its a lie don't hold on to the grudge it really is something you can truly work past if you both are willing, then if you get past it leave it behind you.


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## WEDDING_PLANNER1964 (Aug 14, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> You know what, I wanna take that back, he does watch porn.
> 
> He bought a new camera just so he could tape us.
> 
> I assume he has fun with it later. We just made one last night


Oh my! Sounds like you two have a very good sex life. My wife and I have also dabbled in making our own porn, how exciting it is! Definitely not for everyone and it can be a little bit awkward watching yourself back but some of the best sex myself and my wife have had has been watching ourselves on the big screen. It's a little bit self indulgent but man does it get my loins burnin like brimstone!

My wife is a bit of an exhibitionist too and she uploaded some of our homemade porn to one of those "tube" sites. If thats something you're in to I would suggest doing it.. something very arousing about knowing that strangers are getting off to your intimacy!

Cheers Mate!


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## WEDDING_PLANNER1964 (Aug 14, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Sigh.... not all men masturbate. I am not naive either. My husband HAS in the past. When we met, we lived 1000+ miles away from each other and called daily. We had phone sex. Before we met, he had viewed his dad's porn. It disgusted him and he hasn't viewed any since.
> 
> We have been married 12 years... no porn on any devices we carry around. No porn on the computers. None on the TV. We are together nearly 24/7. Only time apart is when he goes to appointments or I go shopping. My dad is with him for the appointments. The kids are with him at home. So, no. None viewed at all. And, no desire to do so.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry I wasn't presuming to know about the inner workings of your relationship. I was merely offering some advice. If you say your husband doesn't enjoy masturbating, I believe you. Having not met every single man on Earth, I believe I can't speak for absolutely all of them. However, in my 48 years I haven't met a single man who in the company of other men would deny enjoying masturbating... that's all I'm sayin.

Anyway, if you would like to get your husband into masturbation, try mutual masturbation. I cant recommend it enough! Let me know if you want the link to that website.

Cheers Mate


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

The thing is, many men would say they do masturbate, when in the company of other men. I know men talk. My husband told me about a lit of shop talk when he was working at a dealership. Women talk too. Just because a man will say he does something when he is with a bunch of other men, doesn't make it true. There are a lot of things he said in those situations, which I knew to be half truths and embellishments. The most important thing is that we know each other.

Regarding mutual masturbation... no thanks on the links. If he ever expresses interest in that, I will be happy to do it. Til then, I will stick with penetration, oral, and handjobs. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WEDDING_PLANNER1964 (Aug 14, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> The thing is, many men would say they do masturbate, when in the company of other men. I know men talk. My husband told me about a lit of shop talk when he was working at a dealership. Women talk too. Just because a man will say he does something when he is with a bunch of other men, doesn't make it true. There are a lot of things he said in those situations, which I knew to be half truths and embellishments. The most important thing is that we know each other.
> 
> Regarding mutual masturbation... no thanks on the links. If he ever expresses interest in that, I will be happy to do it. Til then, I will stick with penetration, oral, and handjobs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is true. I suppose everyone puts up some kind of front depending on what the social situation requires. Anyway, I'm sure you know more than anyone else what he likes. 

Sounds like you have a good relationship though. Keep each other happy.

Cheers Mate


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My guess, knowing my husband like the back of my hand, is that he will always enjoy looking at naked women ...their body is ART, arousing and beautiful... his porn preferances is so very tame, he doesn't even want to see the man.... he downloads these beauties onto this huge harddrive, I always joke with him what the point of this is...as he doesn't even masterbate to any of it, he waits for me always.... but yet, this is a hobby of sorts. 

When the day comes that he looses this interest , I will know his Testosterone is getting too low, and he might need Treatment. This has just always been a part of who he is..... he is a wonderful wonderful husband and I am KOSHER with his veiwing.. .when he has his computer time. 

Truth is... he masterbated up to 4 times a day before we met, that is all he cared to do, he was a shy geeky kid who didn't play sports but had a collection of 300 Playboy magazines, I kinda laugh thinking about this, wish I could go back in time and be his mistress back then!

But he told me when we got together...after a few months... when I started touching him -his words "putting my hands down his pants"- he STOPPED masterbating all together....he then felt it was MY place from then on, he was totally devoted to me emotionally /physically - my pleasure and "waiting for me" was how he felt it was supposed to be. He even compared masterbating while married - as cheating (his words not mine)... I just kinda looked at him -like what -that's crazy !! Then I told him I was a cheater then, funny conversation we had 3 yrs ago about all of this (for the 1st time).... who knew.

So I have the rarest of men, still likes to look at it --but he won't touch himself ! He wouldn't have anything left these days anyhow!! ... but even still -he likes a little womanly variety.

I am happy he enjoys what he does, if he was a strict conservative and judged MY enjoying it -it would not sit well with me at all... I have no desire to watch it without him (well for a time -the temptation was there).. but now we watch it together, I have found it very enjoyable, he seems to get off on watching ME watch it. 

We are rather strange in some ways I guess. But it works well.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

> So I have the rarest of men, still likes to look at it --but he won't touch himself ! He wouldn't have anything left these days anyhow!! ... but even still -he likes a little womanly variety.


I admit, I've done this a bit. I'll look, obviously, as I download things for us to watch together. And I'll get RAMPED UP!!! :rofl: There were days and years (unfortunately) with others, where I knew my only release would be on my own. With my W, I can mostly wait for her, and she'll be on the receiving end of some sexual tension! BUT, and this is a big "but", I can feel the same "tension" by watching her or thinking about being with her. And she virtually never is unwilling when I am willing. We're human, and we love and understand each others sexuality. And it's an awesome thing.


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

I suspect things are alot simpler...

The more sex the man has with his wife, the less he will masturbate...possibly to the point of having no need or desire to do it atall.

The less sex a man has with his wife the more he will masturbate.

I'm not talking about sex charged 16yr old doing it 3-4 times a day (come on guys....don't deny it!) I'm talking about a husband being 'allowed' sex once a month but needing that 'release' maybe once/twice a week.
So he sorts himself out...because no one else will!


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

> I suspect things are alot simpler...
> 
> The more sex the man has with his wife, the less he will masturbate...possibly to the point of having no need or desire to do it atall.
> 
> The less sex a man has with his wife the more he will masturbate


You are partly right in my circumstance. I masturbate less now than before perhaps, but I have far more orgasms. But it's not a lot less. When we have really hot sex (which is often), sometimes the first thing I'll do when I wake (or even an hour after our sex) is masturbate...and have nothing on my mind than the night or hour before.

The "need" is less. The "desire" to do so is more. Because I'm constantly turned on by my wife and our sex life. She's not suffered a lick because of it.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

C3156 said:


> My personal opinion is that porn starts to come out in relationships that do not have that satisfying lovemaking side. Men (typically) are not getting the fullfilment and stimulation they need and turn to porn to fill the void. Usually coupled with masturbation to ease the ache.


Don't agree with that at all. When I was celibate, I seldom ever watched porn, or used fantasy; I masturbated typically just for the physical pleasure. 

But once I got married, the more sex we have, the more porn I tend to consume. Having frequent, regular, GOOD sex just makes me more horny in general.

Everyone isn't using porn to "fill a void", or "ease the ache". It just seems that many posters on this board go waaay overboard when discussing porn. It's not a problem area for everyone.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I've never been in a relationship with a man who's heavily into porn. I've watched it and didn't like it - same with my partner. We both feel that there's no substitute for the real thing, and that includes masturbation.

I'm not a great believer in this "all men" or "all women" thing, either. I spent years wondering why I was so 'different' because I didn't do/think/like many of the things that "all women" supposedly do/think/like, and I'm sure there are lots of men who might feel the same. Of course there's a difference between men and women, but I don't think it's as great as some would have us believe...


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> The thing is, many men would say they do masturbate, when in the company of other men. I know men talk.


Well, no, that really isn't how typical male "shop talk" goes. Of all the things a man might feel pressured to lie about in a chat with a bunch of other men, masturbation really isn't typically on the list. Why would grown men feel the need to lie to other grow men about how much, or little, they masturbate? If we're among a group of men we do not trust with our truths, we tend to lie about things like how much money we're making, our career prospects, and how much vagina we're getting. There isn't some universal male rule that one has to be jerking off, so if a man finds himself pressured to lie about jacking off during some shop talk, that is VERY atypical.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I think the "stages of marriage" thing is nonsense. I know quite a few couples who have been married for 10+ years and have a hot sex life, especially the couples where their kids have grown up. 

I've been with my husband for nearly six years and living together for almost four. Sex was one of the things we discussed heavily before we married. We agreed that sex is too important to ignore. I love going to bed with my hubby-such a treat. 

I don't like the idea of masturbating in front of my husband and I would rather not watch him do the same. Just a personal preference; I simply don't find those acts arousing.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

jaquen said:


> Well, no, that really isn't how typical male "shop talk" goes. Of all the things a man might feel pressured to lie about in a chat with a bunch of other men, masturbation really isn't typically on the list.....


Yes. Even though most men do it from time to time, casually announcing that fact to another man would imply a range of uncomplimentary things including but not limited to:

Social ineptitude / Low social status
Unattractiveness
Inability to establish / maintain a relationship with a woman
Inability to satisfy a wife / Wife who is disinterested in sex
Defective / Unusually small male organ​
Men like to talk to friends and acquaintances about the things they're either happy about or proud of. Masturbation is just not one of those things.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Well, no, that really isn't how typical male "shop talk" goes. Of all the things a man might feel pressured to lie about in a chat with a bunch of other men, masturbation really isn't typically on the list. Why would grown men feel the need to lie to other grow men about how much, or little, they masturbate? If we're among a group of men we do not trust with our truths, we tend to lie about things like how much money we're making, our career prospects, and how much vagina we're getting. There isn't some universal male rule that one has to be jerking off, so if a man finds himself pressured to lie about jacking off during some shop talk, that is VERY atypical.


Maybe so. I do recall an incident where they talked about frequency of sex. Most of the married men were saying they rarely got any. By that, they said once every couple weeks or so. My husband was accused of lying because we had sex more often. They did turn to discussing porn and he mentioned he never watches it because he has no need to. His words, not mine. 

Anyway, while they may not have discussed masturbation itself in the shop, I know men who have discussed it, saying "if he says he doesn't, he's lying".... it's comments like that one that build suspicion (if the spouse is not comfortable with it for whatever reason), resentment, etc. 

Anyway, my point is that I know him. He knows masturbation won't bother me. I know he has in the past. But, he says he doesn't do it, so I don't press it. If he did, I'm OK with it... I'd just wonder what he's thinking about because I know there is no material here, so... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

southbound said:


> Maybe that's what it is with me. It just seemed like if you've seen one, you've seen them all.


That's how I feel about sex in general. We've had sex hundreds of times. Done it once...Sex holds no interest for me whatsoever. He does the job when we have sex & I 'return the favor.' But, I would rather be doing something constructive or relaxing to ME. We have resolved the issues we have, but there is no emotional component for me. It makes him feel close to me, but I don't feel closer to him. I am sexed out. Part of me wishes he would go back to being more interested in porn so I didn't feel like I had to have sex all the time. Porn usage & other things led me to where I am emotionally. Count your blessings, my dear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

i ask my bf if he ever misses watching it, he says no...
but deep down i think he would like too.

but if this is true for you then i am happy to hear it!!


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

I applaud women who don't feel like the wet place he sticks his penis after getting worked up looking at pics of other naked women. Yes, sometimes screwing for the sake of screwing is useful & fun. In the end, isn't that just a few steps above a hand or hooker anyway? You don't need the shackles of marriage for that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Cosmos said:


> I'm not a great believer in this "all men" or "all women" thing, either.


:iagree:

Statistics vary widely depending how the question is asked and what age group is surveyed. There's a big difference between "Have you ever masturbated" and "How many times have you masturbated in the past six months." And that percentage starts to drop dramatically as you age. Once men turn 35, the percentage of men who masturbate regularly (let's say at least once a month) drops to somewhere between 45-70%, depending on who did the research.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> Men like to talk to friends and acquaintances about the things they're either happy about or proud of. Masturbation is just not one of those things.


I would definitely agree with this, in most cases. Personally I have a lot of friends, most of them men, and of all the friends I have the only two I discuss masturbation with are two of my best friends on planet Earth. With them no subject is off limits, including any and all talk about every aspect of our sexual lives. But that's two among many. And I have unusually deep running male friendships where we talk about lots of things, including our struggles, fears, and problems, and still masturbation doesn't enter into conversation with 99% of them.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

honeysuckle rose said:


> That's how I feel about sex in general. We've had sex hundreds of times. Done it once...Sex holds no interest for me whatsoever. He does the job when we have sex & I 'return the favor.' But, I would rather be doing something constructive or relaxing to ME. We have resolved the issues we have, but there is no emotional component for me. It makes him feel close to me, but I don't feel closer to him. I am sexed out. Part of me wishes he would go back to being more interested in porn so I didn't feel like I had to have sex all the time. Porn usage & other things led me to where I am emotionally. Count your blessings, my dear.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In this post you blantatly say that you're putting out for the sake of your husband, but have no emotional attachment to said sex. You don't find sex with your husband to be a bonding experience at all. You just lay there and let him get his rocks off.

Yet in this post...



honeysuckle rose said:


> I applaud women who don't feel like the wet place he sticks his penis after getting worked up looking at pics of other naked women. Yes, sometimes screwing for the sake of screwing is useful & fun. In the end, isn't that just a few steps above a hand or hooker anyway? You don't need the shackles of marriage for that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You talk about screwing for the sake of "in the end" is just a few steps above a hand or a hooker, and that one doesn't need the "Shackles" of marriage for that.

Uh, isn't your behavior in the first post exactly like you describe "hookers" and "hands" to be in the second post?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Statistics vary widely depending how the question is asked and what age group is surveyed. There's a big difference between "Have you ever masturbated" and "How many times have you masturbated in the past six months." And that percentage starts to drop dramatically as you age. Once men turn 35, the percentage of men who masturbate regularly (let's say at least once a month) drops to somewhere between 45-70%, depending on who did the research.


I know my husband has masturbated in the past. He states that he does not feel the need for it now and masturbation will never replace lovemaking with me. 

My husband is 38, so you may be on to something here.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Something else I don't think many consider when contemplating the whole "masturbation vs. sex with the spouse" thing.... It is FUN, and it is DIFFERENT. 

I'd always before preferred sex with a woman to masturbating. Then, I started having performance anxiety ED issues. Sometimes lovemaking to completion, or even lovemaking at all, was not possible. But Oh, My, God....the fun we had. Masturbating. Mutual masturbation. Exhibitionism masturbation (with each other). Oral sex. All of that. Then my performance anxiety subsided, and was not an issue. And we started screwing like bunnies to the exclusion of all else for a while. BUT, I and we missed the variety of what we had been doing when I was having problems. It is kinky. It is fun. It is different than just making love every time. It was something we'd not really done with other people. 

Now, given our preferences, we'd likely make love every time. But we don't. We went back to doing all these different things that excited us then. They excite us still. And we still make love via intercourse more than most I think. But it is heavily supplemented with masturbation together, masturbation alone while the other watches and takes part, and alone completely with free and full disclosure of when, how, what we were thinking about, etc. It is an incredible spice to add to our lovemaking. It helps keep the boredome at bay. I'd wager there's not but a day or two a week where we each don't orgasm (oftentimes twice or more in a day), and we make love maybe 3 times a week, give or take. Neither of us has ever had as much fun not only in the bed together, but also being so open about what we do when we're alone. I love that my W now has such a high sex drive that she masturbates often. I can assure you, it's not because I'm not giving her enough in the bedroom, but rather that it is so good for her, she thinks about it and gets turned on by it extremely often. Same goes for me. And a lot of our visual and mental turn ons have nothing to do with intercourse, but rather the other things we share together and while alone.

It's awesome. I swear I have the most amazing wife on the planet. I love the variety, so does she, and I'm going to make sure we keep the variety.


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

I enjoy"ed" watching porn until I met my wife. Then I just didn't feel the need. I am very attracted to my wife and like your husband, if I feel the need to watch porn, I'll buy her toys, outfits, or subtly hint at role play. My wife is more than what I need sexually so I don't (now) watch porn and I don't feel the need to masturbate. I do on occasion masturbate, but usually with the help/supervision/ or approval of my wife, and we have and will in the future watch adult movies together. Our sex life is VERY hot in my opinion, and I get more pleasure out of making her get off than me getting off. If we have sex and I don't make her cum before I get mine, I'll go to oral/toys/hands until she either; gets hers too/or I'm ready to go again so I can satisfy her.

I don't think it should be an issue if he doesn't do either of those.


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## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

I watched porn regularly but I've cut down on significantly since getting married. Can't really watch porn if you're doing it all the time with the wife. Only time it comes out is when she's away.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

donny64 said:


> It is kinky. It is fun. It is different than just making love every time. It was something we'd not really done with other people.
> 
> Now, given our preferences, we'd likely make love every time. But we don't. We went back to doing all these different things that excited us then. They excite us still.


This reminds me that all of us see our sexual time together in such different lights. You guys seem to differentiate "making love" from the "other" stuff you do, like mutual masturbation and oral sex. For us, that's all consider "making love". For us a complete sex or love making session is whatever sexual activity(ies) we engage in, done to completion. So sometimes we can end up having a lot of sex, and then suddenly realized that it's been awhile since we specifically had vaginal intercourse.



Biscuits said:


> I get more pleasure out of making her get off than me getting off.


Ditto this. It makes for VERY satisfied wife. A lot of times my wife will just want to pleasure me specifically, like just giving me a blow job to completion because she loves to suck my ****, and get me off, but then I can't keep my hands to myself and I end up getting her off a few times before I do. And when we're finished she always says "That was NOT suppose to happen! I just wanted to please you!" :rofl:


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I think there are two separate questions here?

Masturbation?

Porn?

Porn, no problem with it, unless it interfers with sexual intimacy, which we've had some problems with in my marriage. But porn itself, hell I watch it alone myself, no big deal.

Masturbation - another issue entirely. I masturbate when we don't have sex and even when we do--it feels good and sometimes I need the release and he's in bed or sick or whatever. 

He probably masturbates too and I don't have an issue with it as long as it doesn't affect our sex life. If it does, then different story.

I do think excessive porn use can become addictive and affect the intimacy between a couple, I've had issues with that in my relationship.

But, even when we were mating like bunnies in our early days he still looked at porn (in magazines and videos) just because he likes too. I don't think one always equals the other, sometimes yes - always, no.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

It is not the porn so much as the variety men like. Porn is just a safe way to get sexual variety without causing a lot of collateral damage. This need for sexual newness and variety is burned into male DNA. Some are better at resisting the urge than others but every man has it. Sure, when a relationship is new the urge for some "strange" can be temporarily put aside but once the bloom comes off the rose the lure of the variety will again become strong.


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## Jester (May 7, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> ...loved to masturbate and watch porn. :scratchhead:
> 
> My husband tells me that he does not need to masturbate because he has a sexy wife who enjoys lovemaking...
> 
> ...What do you think? I wonder if my husband is being honest.


As a man myself I would say he's being honest to you. When I was in the first years of marriage with my wife I would'nt need porn because just like your husband I had a "sexy wife who enjoys love making". Now though I'm not getting any and I masturbate almost daily.

Anyway back to the point, I don't think many men NEED porn when their wives are up for some sweet love (almost) every day,2days. But that's porn though, some men still like to masturbate in their free time (porn or no porn) no matter how much sex they get, thats just how we are.

As your husband says it he really finds you attractive and porn is not interesting enough to look at compared to you, so there you go.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My husband doesn't care for porn or masturbating. 

Not *all* men are anything. People never believe him or myself that he isn't into it. He's never been into it and has some fundamental issues with porn. Oh well. We know he isn't.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

that_girl said:


> My husband doesn't care for porn or masturbating.
> 
> Not *all* men are anything. People never believe him or myself that he isn't into it. He's never been into it and has some fundamental issues with porn. Oh well. We know he isn't.


It's ok, TG. I am in the same boat. Most times I get "he's lying". Who cares, really? The only people who matter in this are him and me. We know the truth, that's all that matters.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Studies have shown that the majority of men masturbate, not that virtually every single man in the world masturbates.

I don't know why it's so hard for some to believe that there are men who have no interest in self pleasure. There are exceptions to every rule.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

When I was with my ex, I didn't even have the time to watch porn. She was all over me pretty much 24/7. 

My girlfriend before her was really insecure about herself and I essentially gave it up to reassure her.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Not saying I haven't masturbated but it's not something I want or need to do. Might be the Catholic guilt associated with it. LOL


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## Gorky75 (Aug 22, 2012)

Masturbation is a 2 out of 10, compared to 7-10 out of 10 for sex. So I tend to wait for sex. In general, I do not do it. If I do, there are issues going on with sex in the relationship.

So no, not all guys do.


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am happy he enjoys what he does, if he was a strict conservative and judged MY enjoying it -it would not sit well with me at all... I have no desire to watch it without him (well for a time -the temptation was there).. but now we watch it together, I have found it very enjoyable, he seems to get off on watching ME watch it.
> 
> We are rather strange in some ways I guess. But it works well.


What a wonderful relationship, Simply! Shared playtime is great!


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