# Is It Me? Am I Crazy?!!!



## P.O.'d and Hopeless (Nov 8, 2015)

Hello. I am new to this and this is my first post but I'm am sitting here trying to figure out if I am the one who is going overboard or loosing it?! My husband just got up and left our house and told me that he was going to the "gas station" only because his ex-wife texted him and said the following: "Is there anyway you can go somewhere and call me now? I know you just gave me grocery money yesterday...but my car battery is done...it cuts out almost everytime...im now waiting on roadside assistance at a grocery store. Is there anyway you can get me a battery today?!" Every 2 weeks it's grocery money, last month it was getting the brakes fixed on her car, and the month before that it was she needed a new dryer. In September it was $1200.00 because she was 3 months behind on her mortgage. I can go on and on......They have 5 kids together, 3 of which are over 20 years old and have jobs (2 give her money all the time because they still live at home) PLUS she works full-time at a hospital. Their youngest 2 of the 5 are ages 15 and 16 and the 16 year old works part-time too. Anything she asks for, my husband NEVER says no, not even sometimes!!! I have discussed rationally and have fought with him about it till I was blue in the face. He used to still sleep around with her in the beginning until I caught them red-handed but I don't think that still goes on because he knows I don't trust him when it comes to her because of it. 

But he still lies from time to time and it bugs the heck out of me!! He still does things for him and she is EXTREMELY manipulative and needy! I told him he enables her behavior and that is the reason she still does the things she does. She calls on him as though they are still married. I told him this and he says that I'm overreacting and it's not like that. He claims he "feels sorry for her". She even texts him asking if they can "talk" because "she is soon depressed". It makes me wanna throw and/ or gouge her eyes out! Oh and did I mention that whenever he does any of these things he does, he tries to keep it a secret. And also, it keeps the two of us apart (like a secret woman situation). I am not allowed to go with him when he is doing any of these things that he does for her, he doesn't talk to me around her or answer my calls or vice versa, and when she comes to our house to pick up money, he has her meet him at a local store or come to an alley behind our house where there is no visibility, so I won't know she's here. I have told him about this so many times but nothing works. He plays dumb like I don't know what I am talking about or I am re-acting like some emotional woman and I don't even get emotional. It doesn't matter what I say or how I say it. So my question is ladies and GENTLEMEN as well, am I crazy?! Should I not be bothered by this?!

Sincerely,
P.O.'d and hopeless


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You should be. I think you are being a bit naive to think they are not carrying on an affair still.
Did he cheat on her also?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Does he have a set amount that he gives her monthly for child support?

Why did they divorce?


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## sydalg (Nov 8, 2015)

So he is your husband and you can't be around when he deals with the ex? I wouldn't have allow this to happen from the very 1st time. Everything my husband talked about with the baby mamma or when meeting her to picking up his daughter I have been always around. From before we were even married. At some point she was creating so much drama that from that day on all the back and fwd. was done through me.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You're not crazy. He's acting like a scum bag and spending family resources on his ex-wife. He's sneaking around with her. Do you have children with this man? Can you support yourself? Because I'd be very tempted to hefty bag his crap and deliver it to the ex-wife. After you've put some itching powder in his drawers.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I agree with the others, you are not the crazy one. Has he said why he still feels obligated to her? I would not trust them alone, he already cheated on you with her. I would have a hard time staying with a man that was at his ex wife's beckon call.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

You are crazy for putting up with it.


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## CarlaRose (Jul 6, 2014)

Dang, I hate it when someone beats me to the punch, but ButtPunch surely did.

Yes, it IS you. Yes, you ARE crazy. You must be out of your mind for putting up with this crap. When you let people walk all over you, they are going to continue to walk all over you.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

P.O.'d and Hopeless said:


> He used to still sleep around with her in the beginning until I caught them red-handed but I don't think that still goes on because he knows I don't trust him when it comes to her because of it.


Yes, you are crazy.
What's wrong with you?
Why are you married to him, knowing he slept around with his ex-wife while married to you?

He's enabling her but YOU are enabling HIM.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

This is ridiculous. If you don't have children with him, hand him divorce papers and tell him he can go back to her.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

ButtPunch said:


> You are crazy for putting up with it.


QFT.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Tell him you are moving out, so you can call him every day for money....See how that sits with him...


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

A normal progression is...

- Date
- Marry
- Divorce
- Pay amounts set forth by court order
- Discuss best interests of children as reasonably needed.
- Ignore all other requests and BS from ex.
- Rejoice when court ordered payments end.

Anything outside that is Bovine Scat.


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## RayJakeman (Jun 23, 2015)

He is still in love with her. You are seeing the money contribution and not the emotional one. She knows it and exploits it. That she throws some sex in there is without question.


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

Sounds like your average "money for sex" situation to me. Maybe I'm crazy


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Your husband only gets to have ONE wife...you or her. I was in a similar situation, and he chose HER. Make him choose and get on with your life accordingly.


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## karazy (Aug 31, 2015)

YOU ARE CRAZY!!!!

Why are you still married to this guy and why have you put up with this at all?????????!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

WTF????

No way would I tolerate this!! No way in he!l!!! Nor would my husband do it...

He needs to cut this [email protected] out right now or you need to divorce him.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

frusdil said:


> WTF????
> 
> .


This says it all.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> Anything she asks for, my husband NEVER says no, not even sometimes!!! I have discussed rationally and have fought with him about it till I was blue in the face. He used to still sleep around with her in the beginning *until I caught them red-handed but I don't think that still goes on because he knows I don't trust him when it comes to her because of it.*


Reading what you are dealing with.. I honestly don't know HOW in the world you have lived with this ...you are at a breaking point - should have been "Deal breaker" breaking point from the moment you caught him with her.. Your husband & his ex have ZERO boundaries with each other.. and insist it will remain this way.... 

This is *total disrespect* to YOU, his wife, his marriage NOW..... The ex knows just how to keep manipulating him to keep him close so you & he will be remain at each others throats.. she knows what she is doing.. there are plenty of men who'd be willing to come to her aid.. but she is boundryless and wants HIM back.. 

Given this replaying history /what you have shared.. your hands are completely tied , he isn't going to listen to you, he's already shown that loud & clear... all you can do is.. *Leave him*...he then must make his choice.. 

Though curious.. what caused their break up ...that's alot of children there.. Who cheated on who ??


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Is he using pooled funds to pay her all this money? Because from the way it sounds, you are the OW in this situation and he's having a grand time trying to buy or re buy her love with your money.

He's leaving the house at whim to see her. I'd assume they are still cheating.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

P.O.'d and Hopeless said:


> I am not allowed to go with him when he is doing any of these things that he does for her, he doesn't talk to me around her or answer my calls or vice versa, and when she comes to our house to pick up money, he has her meet him at a local store or come to an alley behind our house where there is no visibility, so I won't know she's here. I have told him about this so many times but nothing works.


"Husband, the next time you see her without me being present, I am moving out. Your choice."

I promise you, it will work. One way or the other.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Do you have children with him? If not, you should leave, or at least threaten to do so (and mean it). He doesnt love you as much as he loves his ex-wife, if he loves you at all.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Many men marry just because they 'need' a female in the house taking care of them - a replacement for their mother. Sounds like you were his convenience.


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