# visitation and changing the routine



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

A while back a regular poster here mentioned the word impute to me in a thread regarding child support.. I wanted to give credit but I could not find that thread.. But it was on this forum L.A.D..

Simply it took a year but I used the wording and requested the judge to impute a judgment against my ex wife and she did..

Here is the deal now.. 

For the last 2 1/2 years my Ex wife would drive my youngest to school every day and pick him up on the 2 days ( monday and tuesday ) that she had him.. She would also make lunch for him 5 days a week..

She just now informed me that as of monday she will be working 8 to 3 and will not be able to take or pick up my son from school or of course make him lunch because she will not be picking him up..

She also stated she will be changing her visitations to the weekends and bringing him home on Sunday.. She meant EVERY Weekend.. So it would be friday after school to sunday.

He is 10 years old.. The impression I have from my son is he really finds it boring there and he does not like the other man.. He has no interaction with this other man and vice versa. 

He clearly stated to me prior to any of this happening that he did not want to change his days with his mom and especially NOT the weekends.. 

Mind you we do not do something every weekend but we do thing from time to time.. And he told me himself he doesn't want to go on the weekends because he doesn't want to miss out on the possible fun here and he does have fun here.. Brother, Dog, Uncle, Grandma and dad. On saturdays we usually go to a diner with the GF and her kids.. He comes when he wants to.. He tells me he misses the dog when he is gone.. We talk and text on the 2 days he is gone.. 

His mother barely reaches out to him on the other 5 days.. 

I told him if he didn't want to do weekends that his mom could drive him home before going to work.. Mind you he would have to get up a bit earlier on monday and tuesday but he could come home and then someone here would take him to school. 

She didn't like that as it inconvenience her. I didn't give a sh!t and told her if he wanted to do weekends then he would have changed long ago AND if he wanted to do weekends he would not have mentioned that to his mother and that she should look at the BIG PICTURE here and realize he just doesn't want to spend the weekends there but just doesn't have the balls to tell her.. Again because he is 10..

I know off the bat the judge would not award her visitations EVERY weekend as its the only free time for either of us.. In the end I know my ex does not have a leg to stand on because the court imputed money against her so they already believe that she didn't want to work.. 

*SO now here is the question.. *

Could the court force her to not change the routine and continue to pick up and drop off the child as she was doing for years past.. Basically she made this conscious choice and now her reneging caused him anxiety.. Or at least make it her issue to arrange the pick up and drops offs..

Basically her mentality atm is I cannot do this so you need to figure this out.. 

Mind you, I can do it and I am working on the arrangements to take him too and from school .. I'm just not going to give her the satisfaction of thinking she can just drop this ball and I will handle it..

I don't like when she does this sh!t.. 

It echos back to when she wanted a divorce.. She wanted the divorce but didn't want to do anything but go fvck her BF.. I was left with doing all the work and paying for it out of my pocket.. All she did was complain about it.. 

Something tells me the judge can force her to do it and not to cause unwanted stress on the child..

Yes, I am being a d!ck and douchey but I don't burden her with my issues and child care problems.. I just handle it with me and my family and GF.. 

Mind you we have 2 kids together and she only see's the youngest and has not seen the oldest in almost 3 years now..


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

The first question is your child's welfare, not leveling old grudges. If you think weekends are important, then keep them.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

What is in writing in your custody agreement? If I were you, I would insist she stick to that agreement. If she wants to change the agreement, it's on her to come to you with a proposal that the two of you can negotiate - and for her to be willing to actually negotiate rather than just tell you how it's going to be. If she's not willing to do that, then she will just have to go to court to get the custody agreement changed. And I don't think a judge is going to award the non-custodial parent, especially one who doesn't see her older child, visitation every weekend unless the custodial parent agrees to that. 

Why doesn't she see your older child?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Parents don't get to change a complicated visitation schedule because they want to. Either you two agree (which means you actually get to have input as to what works for your household, too), or the court dictates. And I think you're right, she would not get every weekend from a court. The court can absolutely deny her requested change if its not in the child's best interest. Why the change in her house? Was this something she requested, if so, too bad for her.

If you two can't agree it is on her to file a motion for modification with the court, you don't have to agree.

Having said all that, it seems to be a real issue for you son. Could you tell the ex to start with every other weekend, and one weeknight? That would give her time with her son-which is her right and obligation, and give you some time with him as well. It would also more closely resemble what he's been used to.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Sorry ahead I know my answer will be more frustrating


You really will only know when you go back to court and find out. Family courts are a bit like the Wild West. They have guidelines they have to follow for alimony and child support but when it comes to child custody it can be anything goes. Because we have to enforce these custody orders I have seen hundreds of them over my career. Some of them are well written and others border on the obsurd. I have seen hand written notes,into the margins, exceptions to the rules for certain days of the week or month or whatever.

So the only way you will find out if the original order can be upheld is to run it through the courts and find out. Course to do this you have to start by telling the X that you will be following the original court order and not modifying it, then wait for her to go to court and file the change since she wants it.

Keep in mind this is likely to start world war three with her. I understand your aggravated and frustrated, I have an X wife to who puts all things above her kids, but in the end this will upset your kid...is that worth this when you say you can accommodate this?
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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Every weekend is bullsh!t. No way should you agree to that.


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