# Tips for a successful marriage



## jerwings

hello all,
My wife and I have been married for 30 years this may. We got married at age 19. We have been through more things than 10 couples put together. We have been through every financial situation possible,....we have been through death of all 3 of our children,.........we have moved 7 times,.......we are now in the same house for the last 24 years. The best advice I can give is communicate with each other ALWAYS. Good or bad,...keep the communication line always open. Be faithful to your spouse,....love your spouse UNCONDITIONALLY...........always speak the truth,.........always pray,........Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Always forgive,......your heavenly father always forgives you.


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## Lazarus

Thank you for sharing this here. If someone communicates but finds the other spouse listens but doesn't want to act what would you suggest?


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## Confused-Wife

What if you just plain don't get a long? What if you can never find that balance and that happiness?

How long were you married before it got easier? Does it ever get easier?


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## Wifejones

I posted this on a blog and my new blog (The Real Wives recently; it was well received: 1. Stop thinking of divorce
• If every argument has you thinking of divorce or separation, your thoughts are putting your marriage at risk. You are thinking negatively based on prior disagreements even before the next argument begins. Get it out of you mind now! 
• Start refreshing your mind after the argument is over and is settled. If you can not let it go, ask your spouse if the two of you can discuss your issues related to THAT argument. Stick to those issues only (no old stuff). Be clear about your feelings but remain calm.
• Don’t even go to statements like “this is hopeless” or “why do I try?” those type of words send clear messages to your partner even if you “didn’t mean it that way”. Think before speaking!
• Your mouth is speaking for your mind and if your mind is constantly thinking “DIVORCE” or divorce is a possibility, eventually your mouth will speak it.

2. Stop, listen, and comprehend
• Stop talking and listen to your spouse. When they talking, don’t! Listen to them completely and fully understand their point. 
• While listening do not interject with “your side”. Wait for “your turn” and be patience. Sometimes interjections cause the wrong words to be used: confusion and frustration do not mix well
• Comprehend their words: do not come up with your own definition of their argument. Understand the language they use and use the understanding to comprehend their information. In other words ask “what did you mean by that?” if you did not understand. 

3. Love on purpose (from a very good source)
• A great woman I know always says “love on purpose”. Think about that, what we are suppose to do this with everyone around us and we forget that one simple instruction.
• Love your spouse each day on purpose. It is like brushing your teeth each morning, after each meal and at night before you go to bed; it should be done for healthy teeth! So, for the healthy marriage you seek, remember to love on purpose. Send him a text message, email, write a note and stick it in a pocket, send flowers, or just a simply kiss and hug combo. Just make sure that as a daily routine, you let your spouse know they are loved by you!


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## marksaysay

Wifejones said:


> I posted this on a blog and my new blog (The Real Wives recently; it was well received: 1. Stop thinking of divorce
> • If every argument has you thinking of divorce or separation, your thoughts are putting your marriage at risk. You are thinking negatively based on prior disagreements even before the next argument begins. Get it out of you mind now!
> • Start refreshing your mind after the argument is over and is settled. If you can not let it go, ask your spouse if the two of you can discuss your issues related to THAT argument. Stick to those issues only (no old stuff). Be clear about your feelings but remain calm.
> • Don’t even go to statements like “this is hopeless” or “why do I try?” those type of words send clear messages to your partner even if you “didn’t mean it that way”. Think before speaking!
> • Your mouth is speaking for your mind and if your mind is constantly thinking “DIVORCE” or divorce is a possibility, eventually your mouth will speak it.
> 
> 2. Stop, listen, and comprehend
> • Stop talking and listen to your spouse. When they talking, don’t! Listen to them completely and fully understand their point.
> • While listening do not interject with “your side”. Wait for “your turn” and be patience. Sometimes interjections cause the wrong words to be used: confusion and frustration do not mix well
> • Comprehend their words: do not come up with your own definition of their argument. Understand the language they use and use the understanding to comprehend their information. In other words ask “what did you mean by that?” if you did not understand.
> 
> 3. Love on purpose (from a very good source)
> • A great woman I know always says “love on purpose”. Think about that, what we are suppose to do this with everyone around us and we forget that one simple instruction.
> • Love your spouse each day on purpose. It is like brushing your teeth each morning, after each meal and at night before you go to bed; it should be done for healthy teeth! So, for the healthy marriage you seek, remember to love on purpose. Send him a text message, email, write a note and stick it in a pocket, send flowers, or just a simply kiss and hug combo. Just make sure that as a daily routine, you let your spouse know they are loved by you!


This is great stuff. I wish my wife or stbxw could read this. It won't do much good at this point but it's still good stuff. Thanks for the post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rough Patch Sewing

I think that tough times come with life in general. What a blessing to get to encourage, love and honor someone through it all.

Great Post!

My wife and I are currently going through a rough patch financially, but our marriage is stronger than ever because we love, listen and encourage each other.


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## mmiller1234576

very inspiring thanks for sharing. I could use things right now like this


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## momforcalm

Love this thread. Love "love on purpose." personally, I try to see the long range effects of an argument. Usually doing this points out how insignificant the issue really is, and I can stop being mad. On the Grand scheme, who does the dishes isn't worth breaking up my family. and the more I let the "little" things go, the more those little things are addressed of their own accord. Its remarkable how often that happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## skitterend

Wifejones said:


> I posted this on a blog and my new blog (The Real Wives recently; it was well received: 1. Stop thinking of divorce
> 2. Stop, listen, and comprehend
> 
> 3. Love on purpose (from a very good source)


Completely agree. Married at age 21 and have been married almost 30yrs. Love is much more of a mind than most realise. I love my wife more every year we have been married. 
Respect and grow each other.
We started with the rules -never walk out- Thats like divorce.
Never consider divorce as an option.
Absolutely no abuse from either party allowed-that is same as walking out and divorce.
No-one forces the other to do anything they don't want to do.
If many arranged marriages can work out, it is up to individuals to make it work.
The principle is we are one team for life.


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## Daniyah

I love this thread! I am a young newlywed and this is so inspiring! Thank you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lindsayscott4u

jerwings said:


> hello all,
> My wife and I have been married for 30 years this may. We got married at age 19. We have been through more things than 10 couples put together. We have been through every financial situation possible,....we have been through death of all 3 of our children,.........we have moved 7 times,.......we are now in the same house for the last 24 years. The best advice I can give is communicate with each other ALWAYS. Good or bad,...keep the communication line always open. Be faithful to your spouse,....love your spouse UNCONDITIONALLY...........always speak the truth,.........always pray,........Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Always forgive,......your heavenly father always forgives you.


You certainly share a wonderful relationship with your partner. After all the trials in your relationship, you managed to deal with it together and you must really found the keys to a successful marriage because the problems you mentioned can easily shake the foundations oif a relationship.
Kudos to your partner because it will definitely take enormous effort coming from both sides to withstand the tests that you have encountered. I wish you the best and I truly hope that your tribe will increase!:smthumbup:


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## Wifejones

Check out my latest blog post related to Pre-Marital counsel...Real Wives


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## risha

FANTASTIC! Thanks for sharing tips!


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## anealka

Jerwings and Skitterend, congratulations. Being married for 30 years is something to be proud of. Thanks for sharing those valuable tips. I've been married for 15 years and looks like we have a long way to go. Marriage has its ups and downs. Personally, I think both parties have to work together and trust each other to ensure the marriage lasts.


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## Lavender&Lace

jerwings said:


> hello all,
> My wife and I have been married for 30 years this may. We got married at age 19. We have been through more things than 10 couples put together. We have been through every financial situation possible,....we have been through death of all 3 of our children,.........we have moved 7 times,.......we are now in the same house for the last 24 years. The best advice I can give is communicate with each other ALWAYS. Good or bad,...keep the communication line always open. Be faithful to your spouse,....love your spouse UNCONDITIONALLY...........always speak the truth,.........always pray,........Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Always forgive,......your heavenly father always forgives you.


Great post. You been through so much but you are still together. That's awesome!


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## michael.mcdade84

I am about to get married, on this forum for tips and suggestions!


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## janesmith

when i get annoyed or angry at him, i run through my mind all the ways he is a fabulous, awesome, talented, smart, loving, thoughtful, sexy individual and how wonderful being his wife feels, I invite in balance. In balance, there are no extremes of emotion and I can think. I can choose how I want to feel. I dont have to get angry. I can chose to let go. I can chose what to focus on. I chose to focus on what a pretty awesome man this dude is......most of the time


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## ihaveacupcake

Wifejones said:


> I posted this on a blog and my new blog (The Real Wives recently; it was well received:...
> ...3. Love on purpose (from a very good source)
> • A great woman I know always says “love on purpose”. Think about that, what we are suppose to do this with everyone around us and we forget that one simple instruction.
> • Love your spouse each day on purpose. It is like brushing your teeth each morning, after each meal and at night before you go to bed; it should be done for healthy teeth! So, for the healthy marriage you seek, remember to love on purpose. Send him a text message, email, write a note and stick it in a pocket, send flowers, or just a simply kiss and hug combo. Just make sure that as a daily routine, you let your spouse know they are loved by you!


What if you do this but the other party doesn't acknowledge it or reciprocate it? How do you bring it to their attention... or should you? I feel like if I do point it out then if he starts it wont be genuine, it will be like I forced him into it. I feel like he would already be doing it if he "wanted" to and I don't know if I should just accept that that isn't who he is or point out that it is important to me. Any advice is helpful, thanks! Great post btw.


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