# Am I Delaying the Inevitable?



## Abstract Annie (Sep 13, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for 7 years this year, but living together for a total of 10 years. We have 3 kids, two of which have a learning 'disorder', and the other has a high IQ which has a whole other set of problems. Life in this house is full-on.

My previous posts from a few years ago will give you some insight on how things were back then, but in short; my husband had an emotional affair online just after I gave birth to our third baby. I found out about the affair just before it became physical, and we did our best to save our marriage. Fast forward another year, and we have a good sex life, but not a good emotional/communicating life. My husband was bordering on sex addiction, and our lives in general were very stress-filled. We made the decision together to move back to my old home town in the country. When we told his family, they were very upset, and he sided with them saying it was all my idea...which was a boldfaced lie. Things became very strained again, and even though he had decided he didn't want to move anymore, we had already put the wheels in motion and it was a done deal. A week into the move and he had a new job in town, and things were cruising along well, except for the fact our sex-life started to wain, and even general physical connection started to drop off - no holding hands anymore, no arm around the shoulder, no kissing or hugging. 

Twelve months here, and he applied for another job closer to our old home...in secret. This job, while slightly higher in finances, meant a lot of travelling to and from, and a lot of work away from home. He lied about his whereabouts when he went to the interview, and I knew nothing until he was actually accepted, and he had to tell me. I was upset, these kind of things are something that should be discussed as a couple, in my opinion, but it was a done deal. Since then he is travelling all the time, and the intimacy is getting less and less. When I try and talk about our marriage, he insists he loves me, but will never say so unless asked. He has zero affection, and we have had sex once in 2 years...and that was nearly 11 months ago. Today I found out my sisters father-in-law passed away, and I got some bad news from the doctor (I need surgery), I know my husband is busy at work, so I texted rather than called. He never replied. I then saw he had been on Twitter, liking pictures of scantily dressed women. Years ago I wouldn't have battered an eye, but now it feels like a slap in the face. Rightly or wrongly, I confronted him about it, and ended up with a text tirade about how "abusive" I am. I'm frustrated as I go out of my way to make sure the children respect him, and that he takes the more traditional male role in the family. I forgive and forgive when he makes me feel unwanted. I've gotten to a point where The only reason I am still in this relationship, is because he can't cope with the children on his own. He would have them weekends and school holidays, and he can't go 2 hours without screaming at them, and literally scaring them. I don't know what to do. Do I live the rest of my days in a loveless, borderline emotionally neglectful marriage because it's the lesser of two evils for the children, or do I walk, and try and pick up the pieces every time he has the children? I'm so tired of trying to be a good woman, and treat my husband with love and respect, only to be treated like an annoyance, a mosquito that needs to be flicked away with the brush of a hand.


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## growing_weary (Jul 23, 2017)

I feel like you might already know the answer to this. He's not giving it his all into recovery and it's only going to get worse.


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## Abstract Annie (Sep 13, 2012)

growing_weary said:


> I feel like you might already know the answer to this. He's not giving it his all into recovery and it's only going to get worse.




Most days I feel like I know the answer. Then I think about the kids going through a separated household, and figure I can grit my teeth and bare it. It's getting harder though; he's becoming more distant by the day, and all I've ever wanted is to be loved. Money doesn't matter to me, otherwise I would have married differently, it's all about that bond, a bond I don't think we'll ever have again, no matter how hard I try.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Can you bear to forever feel the distance in your marriage? To not feel loved? To not have sex? 

Plenty of people do choose to live that way -- but not everyone can deal with that year after year, decade after decade. It's a difficult life.


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