# Hi. New here. kinda lost



## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

I know, sounds like im just waking up and falling out of bed, walking without looking!

I just wanted to say "hi" and that i found these forums on google. im going through a pretty bad time to some extent and no matter what I do or no matter what people "expect" me to do or be, its never enough. 

people are also too quick to judge and treat each "type" of person, or gender, the way they want and if its their own gender then they treat them better - makes no sense. 

im an equalist and a fair person - thought I would just get that out the way.

i know it sounds like im all over the place but i guess, i just need a place to "talk" and for some real and true, non judgemental advice. thats all I ask for. simple really, not complicated or difficult. 

lets just say, i feel lost and been made to always feel something that im not. always know what I want but then only to every time get slapped back telling me i dont know anything when I clearly do.

sorry for the ramblings!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

s'up?


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

welcome


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Not too sure what kind of advice you'd like. Care to give some specifics?


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

Thanks all for the warm welcome. seems like everyone is on the couch looking at me like a theorpy session  haha.
i dunno. i mean im done with the whole dating thing. I dont date endlessly or a "date" person but a relationship person. there is a difference. im a little old fashioned and dont do the whole "go from one to the next".

i havent been touched in literally 7 years because of society is today. very... unfair maybe? too picky or maybe people are trying to "aim" for something that does not exist?
I never get a chance really. im just not "pretty" or "hot" or anything like that. im just a human. confident (to some extent but I am not one of those over confident and arrogant people), successful.

its like i know what i want. always have done. always been told to treat people with respect and dignity and you will get treated the same. that its not about what you look like but rather how you are as a person and the connection.

its difficult to explain but hope you understand maybe?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Ok, In a very non-judgmental way... What the He11 are you asking? Answers are generally better if preceded by a question! ;-)


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Welcome to the pit of despair. (just kidding) 

We are all there with you, pal.


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

haha. thats funny. 
anonymous or not still, its just trying to explain MY view but no one seems to accept but jump straight to conclusions etc...

but yes angel, you are correct. more than upset. just lost, confused and beaten for a very long time (not weeks or months. much longer).


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Wow, There are no conclusions in this thread except your!.... This is a very supportive forum with people that have seen it all. If you want advice, you'll need to give some input; but, I'm guessing you really aren't here for advice........

Good luck


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

The path to enlightenment lies not in seeking the answer but in enjoying the question grasshopper.


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

in what way? 
i dont really go for looks but rather the personality. im a human. i can walk and talk and it doesnt mean only attractive people can do that.
i think im ok looking. but have a very attractive inside if that makes sense.
i dont play games or have time to waste either. that just isnt me. too many games as you may know today


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Are you smoking pot? You thoughts are all over the map. Focus, and ask us one question. These folks want to help you but you have to ask a clear question.

Let me help you start... How do I ... ?


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

no i dont do drugs or drink....sorry! 

im just saying no one seems to want me at all. there is always someone "better and attractive" and to be left behind.
no time to give to explore each other and connect. makes sense??


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

ah ok, im sorry.
I just came here for some support in some way, for some sanity check. 
just that i dont know why i never get a fair chance or any interest. how can I get "interest"? I want a relationship, but no one seems to want to even attempt to get to know me at all because either they dont have the time or they only want someone who is so much more physically appealing. 
looks arent everything but thats my view.


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

thanks.
well thats the thing though. we are born however we are. cant change that. i cant change the way i look, the color of my skin and so on and so fourth. ive always worked on myself but only so much i can do. its not always the person (i.e me) that is "at fault" ya know?  only so much you can do but again no one is perfect. no one should justify what is a "pass" or a "fail" or anything in between. there is no committee.

people are just so quick to dismiss. its a fact. also people make it unnecessarily complicated. again there is no need for that. living and being like this isnt good and then you always hear "i cannot find that decent man/woman" but they are there, they just act like a disease if you arent attractive physically. sorry, its how i feel! cant help it. i do have feelings


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

I don't know where you are looking, but today, the online approach seems dominant. Take stock of yourself. What are your strengths and desires? Are you making yourself as attractive , both physically and otherwise as you can? No one is going to be interested in you if you can't express a coherent thought, are unkempt or present yourself as undesirable. The most beautiful thing a person can wear is a smile and the second most attractive characteristic is a little confidence. If you need some help, hit a styling salon or see a life style consultant. For a few dollars you can get some advise on making the best of what you have. I don't know your sex; but as a man, I know that my physical appearance is only a tiny part of my attractiveness. How I engage with a potential partner, the art of listening, the ability to carry a conversation and inject a little humor, the willingness to discover who a potential partner is (almost everyone loves to talk about themselves, if you give them a little encouragement). People are also interested in hearing about your experiences. 

Work on yourself and I'm confident you will see more success


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

thanks KanDo. I appreciate that.
i know my strengths and that always shows. confident? yes but not arrogant or ****y or over confident however it doesnt help when people put you down for no reason...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Physical attractiveness is only one aspect. Having similar interests and possibly similar backgrounds is another. Just meeting a variety of people is important. Attitude and personality are also important. And are you turning down prospective partners that maybe you don't find attractive?

Nobody here is judging you, but we have no way of telling you why you can't find someone with the limited information you give. But at 44, and being what I would consider "average looking", I've managed to find someone who takes my breathe away with both her looks and personality. So it is possible!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

you must be the very last lucky few ones PBear  trust me on that.
its all about looks. nothing but looks. anything else? nope because of a silly standards or checklist system.

i deserve to be loved and the other way around as I have alot to give. i "earned" that (if it makes sense). working hard and so on and so fourth. isnt every person entitled to something personally? i dont ask for much really. i dont. im simple and basic
i guess another night of sleep on my own. haha. thanks all. lets see what tomorrow brings... if anything.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Lostandfound,
I think maybe you're hanging out with the wrong people. Believe me there are a lot of nice men out there that are looking for nice women. Attitude is a remarkable beauty enhancer. You need to feel beautiful on the inside and it will begin to show on the outside. Maybe stop trying so hard to find someone and start trying harder to just enjoy your life. Take up a hobby that really interests you. You're more likely to meet someone else with a common interest. You're more likely to bond with someone who has a common interest beyond "hey, he's cute." Are you giving the ugly guys a chance? If my wife didn't give one ugly guy a chance, I wouldn't be married right now. 

One last point, it took quite a few back and forth communications to understand what your need was. Do you think this vagueness might also be present in your relationships? Like maybe they don't know what you want from the relationship so they give up?


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

you understand that it's not really a checklist or a conspiracy right? It's genetic programming. People - you included - are hard wired to be sexually attracted to healthy specimens of our species. Mating with the healthiest ensures a strong gene pool - it's why in many animals males fight for the right to mate with the female - only the strongest genes go forward. 

However, people have evolved to more than just procreate so today there is much more to a relationship than "attraction" but it is still there and a part of all of us. Some people are blazing hot and complete idiots or dullards, some people hit every branch of the ugly tree when they fell out but have the keenest intellect, charm and wit. It's humanity. 

The only thing I'll guarantee is that the only sure fire way NOT to find someone to have a relationship with is to withdraw and start contemplating your naval about why you're alone. 

Don't assume everyone has an agenda.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

eons ago when I was a car salesman we had a saying

"there's an ass for every seat"

same thing applies to love/dating


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> The path to enlightenment lies not in seeking the answer but in enjoying the question grasshopper.


"Suck it, sensei." (Mary Shannon, In Plain Sight, USA Network)

Sorry, sigma1299, I couldn't resist after you 'grasshopper' comment! :rofl:


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

well its how i feel. 
poor mans attitude? well.... someones gotta care and be real! but i know what you mean.

nevermind. ill just stay alone for the rest of my life, since it already feels like it. literally. but then those people shouldnt moan and complain they cant find someone decent.

their loss. not mine. i tried. they didnt, they were making it even more awkward and unreal.

and this is another thing... people dont want to listen to what the victim (me would you believe) is saying. 

nevermind. i knew it was a mistake to even think people care. something I was brought up to believe in. so really, dont see why we have things like marriage or relationships. it makes no sense. 

prostitutes seems the way (yes, seriously)

but no. im not like that. i have morals and ethics and respect. but seems most dont these days. 

ok... i get it. no hope for the ugly guy. why bother. its a disease. may God help those "pretty women" who have seen an ugly guy for literally 3 seconds....ewwww.... get them the medical care on the house...quick *rolls eyes*

cant help how I get made to feel....
let this thread die in peace. like me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Your self pity and "woe is me" attitude isn't going to reel prospective mates in...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

You're right no one cares - that's why were all here spending our time trying to help people we've never met and never will. Because we don't care, because we don't want to help someone else with the benefit of the scars we've gotten. Nope - no one here that cares. 

You can lead a horse to water....


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

blind people want dates also.maybe thats the route you should take.

I will agree the more hansome a guy is the more opprountinies hes has not only in women but in job choices as well.


I think your low selfesteeem is creating more problems for you than you think.

lose some weight keep yourself clean and positive and work on you people skills. 

don't know what else to tell you. But I will tell you that I have seen many very pretty women with less than average looking mates.

walk the walk talk the talk and keep on plugging.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

...how come I feel like I'm in the Hundred-Acre Wood???


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

In my opinion, confidence and positive attitude outweigh physical beauty as far as attraction is concerned...although that probably evolved over time for me.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

We all have to play the cards that life has dealt us. Sure, pretty people have an easier time attracting others, but they still face the same problems that the rest of us do in maintaining a relationship.

Look at Rodney Dangerfield, Danny DeVito, Mayim Bialik. Do you think that they sat around bemoaning their fate? No, they made use of their sense of humor, confidence that they had something to offer, and the courage to persevere to get what they wanted.

My husband said that the ugliest guy in his college fraternity had the most dates of anyone in their house because he was not afraid of rejection. He just kept asking girls out until he found ones who said yes.

It is easier to have pity parties than to put yourself out there. This is your life. What are you going to make of it?


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

You have developed lot of negative attitude, bitterness and resentment towards 'pretty women' whom you wish to date, and few of whom might have rejected you in the past. Few things to ponder on in addition to the excellent advice you received so far...

If you go out with the face of Brad Pitt and the attitude you have right now, you would still be turned down by the women. When I was looking around in the world of arranged marriages, I remember I rejected a person who was a stud, university topper.. but he just wouldn't stop cribbing. For the half hr that I met him for coffee I ended up with a severe headache! No body likes to be in the company of a cry baby. Be a man and stand up for what you are instead of criticizing others for their choice. 

So what if you were rejected few times, you seem to have formed a rock solid negative perspective about the whole system. Who says good looking guys or girls are not rejected? Dating is a choice, everybody has the right to choose and you should not take it so personally if you were turned down by few. 

On similar lines, I am sure you have your selection criteria as well... Have you dated or tried to date someone who is not pretty? Someone who is decent, has values but not a great face? And in such cases were you rejected as well? I ask this because if you expect other women to see you for your character and values, are you doing the same as well?

As most point out ... a SMILE, some CONFIDENCE and a great ATTITUDE is sure to get you the girl you desire! Start off by making those changes in yourself. You can also revisit your own selection criteria. 

Also, have you tried websites such as match.com (the serious ones)? I think those websites might be helpful since they display lot of your info including your pic, details etc. and if someone contacts you (or accepts your contact) from the website they are more likely to move forward and its not so much of a guessing game. As Hitch mentions at that point you just need to make sure you don't mess it up.


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## darthRG3 (Apr 23, 2012)

One can re-invent themselves many times in their lives. If there is something you don't like about yourself, be proactive. You can't really change who you are, you can however change what you are.


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