# Marriage Issues



## wishingaway

I don’t have anyone to talk to about this so here goes. So for one here for the last few years my husband has wanted to be more adventurous in the bedroom. One scenario in particular that I completely don’t feel right doing but I feel like if I never fulfill this fantasy that he’s just going to recent me and just be angry that I won’t even try it. Aside from this apparently I’m not adventurous in general either. And if it weren’t for him we would never get out of the house in his words. Which I don’t feel is true. There’s plenty of things I’d like to go out and do but his job keeps him so tired all the time and most weekends he doesn’t want to go anywhere. And we have a little one with no one we know to babysit even if we did want to go have a date night. I just feel like the blame for everything that’s wrong is put on me. I can’t fulfill his fantasies and I’m boring. And yes I am a very chill person, an introvert, and I’m not big on doing dare devil things for fun but now it’s causing issues. I’m sorry that jumping out of planes and riding roller coasters isn’t my idea of a good time but that’s just me. Why is that so wrong? But there’s plenty of other adventurous things I’d be totally up for. The main issue is the sex stuff. He really wants to try this one fantasy and basically have an open marriage. I want the exact opposite. He’s the only man I’ve been with and I want that to always remain the same. To me that’s incredibly special. I can’t imagine myself having sex with another man. But for him it’s a turn on. We always talk this issue out when it comes up and are trying to work it out, but the weight is just always resting on me and I don’t know how to better help him. Part of me just wants to do it once and never again but I would be so disgusted with myself if I did it. Plus he would just want to make it a regular thing. This is just something I never thought I would deal with in our marriage and I feel like if something doesn’t happen or change that it’s going to fall apart and that’s the last thing I want.


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## Andy1001

So he wants you to have sex with other men. Does he want to watch,believe me eventually he will. 
Any man that wants his wife to have sex with someone else is basically a pimp. While not financially gaining he is gaining emotionally. 
He needs to be kicked out for a while,maybe a long while.


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## personofinterest

You have the right NOT to invite anyone else into your bedroom.

The end.

Period


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## NobodySpecial

Now is a great time for marriage counseling.


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## wishingaway

Yes he wants to watch and maybe both of them please me at the same time. For whatever reason it’s a turn on for him. Even just me flirting with a guy would turn him on. He said years ago he would’ve said hell no to this kind of idea but he’s been thinking and thinking about it and now it’s a full blown fantasy. 



Andy1001 said:


> So he wants you to have sex with other men. Does he want to watch,believe me eventually he will.
> Any man that wants his wife to have sex with someone else is basically a pimp. While not financially gaining he is gaining emotionally.
> He needs to be kicked out for a while,maybe a long while.


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## wishingaway

👍🏻



personofinterest said:


> You have the right NOT to invite anyone else into your bedroom.
> 
> The end.
> 
> Period


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## BioFury

wishingaway said:


> I don’t have anyone to talk to about this so here goes. So for one here for the last few years my husband has wanted to be more adventurous in the bedroom. One scenario in particular that I completely don’t feel right doing but I feel like if I never fulfill this fantasy that he’s just going to recent me and just be angry that I won’t even try it. Aside from this apparently I’m not adventurous in general either. And if it weren’t for him we would never get out of the house in his words. Which I don’t feel is true. There’s plenty of things I’d like to go out and do but his job keeps him so tired all the time and most weekends he doesn’t want to go anywhere. And we have a little one with no one we know to babysit even if we did want to go have a date night. I just feel like the blame for everything that’s wrong is put on me. I can’t fulfill his fantasies and I’m boring. And yes I am a very chill person, an introvert, and I’m not big on doing dare devil things for fun but now it’s causing issues. I’m sorry that jumping out of planes and riding roller coasters isn’t my idea of a good time but that’s just me. Why is that so wrong? But there’s plenty of other adventurous things I’d be totally up for. The main issue is the sex stuff. He really wants to try this one fantasy and basically have an open marriage. I want the exact opposite. He’s the only man I’ve been with and I want that to always remain the same. To me that’s incredibly special. I can’t imagine myself having sex with another man. But for him it’s a turn on. We always talk this issue out when it comes up and are trying to work it out, but the weight is just always resting on me and I don’t know how to better help him. Part of me just wants to do it once and never again but I would be so disgusted with myself if I did it. Plus he would just want to make it a regular thing. This is just something I never thought I would deal with in our marriage and I feel like if something doesn’t happen or change that it’s going to fall apart and that’s the last thing I want.


I'd advise you to stick to your guns. Inviting someone else into your marriage isn't something that can be taken back. Besides the fact that if you do invite someone else in, you're really only married in name.

Marriage is an exclusive live-long relationship, and you're right to persist in it remaining so.

Your husband needs to cut down on the porn. It's absence will help him extract his head from his butt.


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## NobodySpecial

wishingaway said:


> Yes he wants to watch and maybe both of them please me at the same time. For whatever reason it’s a turn on for him. Even just me flirting with a guy would turn him on. He said years ago he would’ve said hell no to this kind of idea but he’s been thinking and thinking about it and now it’s a full blown fantasy.


It sounds like he puts waaaay to much pressure on you to be something you are not to "please" him, bedroom or not. This is not your thing, so fantasy it should stay. In fact, broaching the subject of how to have fun/sex/whatever NOT be all about him wouldn't be a bad idea.


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## NobodySpecial

Andy1001 said:


> So he wants you to have sex with other men. Does he want to watch,believe me eventually he will.
> Any man that wants his wife to have sex with someone else is basically a pimp.


Sigh


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## attheend02

Andy1001 said:


> So he wants you to have sex with other men. Does he want to watch,believe me eventually he will.
> Any man that wants his wife to have sex with someone else is basically a pimp. While not financially gaining he is gaining emotionally.
> He needs to be kicked out for a while,maybe a long while.


I don't agree... 

But if the OP is not comfortable, then if he can't deal with that then he shouldn't be married.

I had those fantasies, but decided they were unimportant in comparison to my commitment.


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## niceguy47460

Don't do it if he keeps on you about it tell him you will divorce him


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## 269370

I don’t get it. Many men’s lives seem to get ruined when they find out their wife slept with someone while other men fantasise about it. What’s going on?
Can’t we put the first lot of women together with the second lot of men and be done with it?

Is it the same as (some) women having rape fantasies? Take something that’s taboo/one’s worst nightmare and make it into some sexual thing?


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## wishingaway

If only I knew.... I wish that’s how things worked. Just put those types of people with each other. Except... he used to be that way but something has changed. 🏼 At this point I wish sex just wasn’t that big a deal. Let’s just do without it except to procreate. 😒



InMyPrime said:


> I don’t get it. Many men’s lives seem to get ruined when they find out their wife slept with someone while other men fantasise about it. What’s going on?
> Can’t we put the first lot of women together with the second lot of men and be done with it?
> 
> Is it the same as (some) women having rape fantasies? Take something that’s taboo/one’s worst nightmare and make it into some sexual thing?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Diana7

Committing adultery is a terrible idea and he is being very selfish pressuring you to do something that is so wrong. 

Its hard to see how this marriage will work if he doesn't realise how vital faithfulness is and start treating you with respect.


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## x598

I am very sorry. I don't have any good advise for you.

I agree his sexual stupid ideas are way over the line.

as for not trying some other thrill seeking stuff....well (most) guys love that stuff so maybe it wouldn't hurt to step out a little and share some of it.

but the bigger issue is the completely unrealistic sexual demands. hold your ground on that one but believe it has the potential to ruin your marriage.


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## BioFury

wishingaway said:


> At this point I wish sex just wasn’t that big a deal. Let’s just do without it except to procreate.


That mindset is not going to get you very far in relationships. If that's really how you feel, you should stay single.


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## 269370

wishingaway said:


> If only I knew.... I wish that’s how things worked. Just put those types of people with each other. Except... he used to be that way but something has changed.  At this point I wish sex just wasn’t that big a deal. Let’s just do without it except to procreate.



Well, I wouldn’t be 100% honest if I didn’t mention that I had some of those thoughts myself. (Hotwife fantasies). I don’t know where they are coming from. All I can say is that I don’t like them (intellectually) and I keep a lid on them. I would never ask my wife to do anything like that with an actual real person. Nor do I think I would like it if it actually happened for real.

I know that I never had them before and it’s a recent thing (after my wife had kids or so).
I wonder where they come from; I have a feeling it is something biological and to do with getting older (I’m 39) and perhaps in the past, nature needed us (older men) to make space for younger men, to impregnate our still fertile females with fresher semen?
Or perhaps it’s like coping with rape: over thousands of years, we had to watch younger, stronger and more dominant males take our females by force and we made a thing out of it, to cope with it better?

No idea. Either way, it’s a very bad idea (to open up a marriage). And I include any kind of ‘polyamorous’/non monogamous nonsense in it. Well not the idea itself, just that in practice, these things rarely work out well for everyone involved! At least not without some kind of price to pay.

Are you happy with regular sex with your husband? Or do you find he pesters you too much/too often for it? ‘Cos I think the quickest/most reliable way to slap out the ‘stupid’ out of a man’s mind is to just keep having sex with him, if you can manage it.


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## wishingaway

It’s not really how I feel. I’m just upset. I love sex just as much as the next person but sometimes I’m just sick of how everything is so oversexualized.



BioFury said:


> wishingaway said:
> 
> 
> 
> At this point I wish sex just wasn’t that big a deal. Let’s just do without it except to procreate.
> 
> 
> 
> That mindset is not going to get you very far in relationships. If that's really how you feel, you should stay single.
Click to expand...


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## wishingaway

It’s amazing the similarities between you and my husband. He’s 30, we have a child and he even used the exact word lid as in taking the lid off this fantasy and being honest about it. 

I have no clue as to why it’s such a desirable thing. 

He used to shun the thought but the more he thought about it the more he wanted to do it. So to me it just seems like the line of right and wrong has been blurred and all morals have gone out the window. As is society in most cases. Our sex life is great. It’s funny cuz I even joked about having a challenge to where soon as I’m off my cycle that we have sex everyday until my next one. (This was after a huge break through we recently had) 



InMyPrime said:


> wishingaway said:
> 
> 
> 
> If only I knew.... I wish that’s how things worked. Just put those types of people with each other. Except... he used to be that way but something has changed. 🏼 At this point I wish sex just wasn’t that big a deal. Let’s just do without it except to procreate. 😒
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well, I wouldn’t be 100% honest if I didn’t mention that I had some of those thoughts myself. (Hotwife fantasies). I don’t know where they are coming from. All I can say is that I don’t like them (intellectually) and I keep a lid on them. I would never ask my wife to do anything like that with an actual real person. Nor do I think I would like it if it actually happened for real.
> 
> I know that I never had them before and it’s a recent thing (after my wife had kids or so).
> I wonder where they come from; I have a feeling it is something biological and to do with getting older (I’m 39) and perhaps in the past, nature needed us (older men) to make space for younger men, to impregnate our females?
> Or perhaps it’s like coping with rape: over thousands of years, we had to watch younger, stronger and more dominant males take our females by force and we made a thing out of it, to cope with it better?
> 
> No idea. Either way, it’s a very bad idea (to open up a marriage). And I include any kind of ‘polyamorous’/non monogamous nonsense in it. Well not the idea itself, just that in practice, these things rarely work out well for everyone involved! At least not without some kind of price to pay.
> 
> Are you happy with regular sex with your husband? Or do you find he pesters you too much/too often for it? ‘Cos I think the quickest/most reliable way to slap out the ‘stupid’ out of a man’s mind is to just keep having sex with him, if you can manage it.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...


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## wishingaway

I can definitely see trying to be more adventurous in doing more thrilling things. I have a couple things I really REALLY don’t want to do but I haven’t plenty I’d be willing to do. 

I think that’s what gets me so emotional and upset over this. I feel like he’s gonna run this to the ground until I ultimately have no choice but to do it or walk away. And I’ve expressed that to him and he says he wouldn’t ever push it that far. 



x598 said:


> I am very sorry. I don't have any good advise for you.
> 
> I agree his sexual stupid ideas are way over the line.
> 
> as for not trying some other thrill seeking stuff....well (most) guys love that stuff so maybe it wouldn't hurt to step out a little and share some of it.
> 
> but the bigger issue is the completely unrealistic sexual demands. hold your ground on that one but believe it has the potential to ruin your marriage.


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## BioFury

wishingaway said:


> It’s not really how I feel. I’m just upset. I love sex just as much as the next person but sometimes I’m just sick of how everything is so oversexualized.


That's understandable :smile2:



wishingaway said:


> I can definitely see trying to be more adventurous in doing more thrilling things. I have a couple things I really REALLY don’t want to do but I haven’t plenty I’d be willing to do.
> 
> I think that’s what gets me so emotional and upset over this. I feel like he’s gonna run this to the ground until I ultimately have no choice but to do it or walk away. And I’ve expressed that to him and he says he wouldn’t ever push it that far.


I would recommend giving him an emphatic "no". Kindly, but firmly, relate to him that you aren't comfortable with the idea of opening your marriage, and that you will never entertain doing so. Ever.

This will help him "kill" the idea. In that now, before the idea has time to grow into a tree, he has to choose between you and it. I would strongly encourage you to not allow any hope to remain that his fantasy will ever take place. As long as hope remains, the idea will grow deeper roots. Nip it in the bud by letting him know it's not going to happen, and mean what you say, and it will help him stop thinking about it.


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## wishingaway

That’s the thing. I’ve told him every single time that I wouldn’t be okay with it but give it a couple weeks and he’s bringing it up... again.

Side story here.... so there was one time that we got onto Whisper together (he’s known for using this app but not myself) to anonymously get people’s perspectives on it sense I refused to do it. (This is a ladies group so I’m going to include natural woman bodily functions, so if you’re a guy and get grossed out, too bad cuz this is called Lady’s Lounge *shrug*) So we’re on it talking to strangers for a while and I’m debating it over in my head but still very against it and obviously my husband is aroused and we start to fool around afterwards and come to find out I’m super wet, so now he thinks I’m totally into it but won’t admit it. I mean we were talking about sex so obviously I’d be a little wet. I was also ovulating and my fellow women know how the plumbing works during that time. Now in all honestly, the THOUGHT of it can be arousing but I instantly feel dirty after having the thought. And I would never actually do it. But I think that one time has got him doing all the preparation work to go through with it but I’m still very much against it. 



BioFury said:


> wishingaway said:
> 
> 
> 
> It’s not really how I feel. I’m just upset. I love sex just as much as the next person but sometimes I’m just sick of how everything is so oversexualized.
> 
> 
> 
> That's understandable <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_smile.png" border="0" alt="" title="Smile" ></a>
> 
> 
> 
> wishingaway said:
> 
> 
> 
> I can definitely see trying to be more adventurous in doing more thrilling things. I have a couple things I really REALLY don’t want to do but I haven’t plenty I’d be willing to do.
> 
> I think that’s what gets me so emotional and upset over this. I feel like he’s gonna run this to the ground until I ultimately have no choice but to do it or walk away. And I’ve expressed that to him and he says he wouldn’t ever push it that far.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> I would recommend giving him an emphatic "no". Kindly, but firmly, relate to him that you aren't comfortable with the idea of opening your marriage, and that you will never entertain doing so. Ever.
> 
> This will help him "kill" the idea. In that now, before the idea has time to grow into a tree, he has to choose between you and it. I would strongly encourage you to not allow any hope to remain that his fantasy will ever take place. As long as hope remains, the idea will grow deeper roots. Nip it in the bud by letting him know it's not going to happen, and mean what you say, and it will help him stop thinking about it.
Click to expand...


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## BioFury

wishingaway said:


> That’s the thing. I’ve told him every single time that I wouldn’t be okay with it but give it a couple weeks and he’s bringing it up... again.
> 
> Side story here.... so there was one time that we got onto Whisper together (he’s known for using this app but not myself) to anonymously get people’s perspectives on it sense I refused to do it. (This is a ladies group so I’m going to include natural woman bodily functions, so if you’re a guy and get grossed out, too bad cuz this is called Lady’s Lounge *shrug*) So we’re on it talking to strangers for a while and I’m debating it over in my head but still very against it and obviously my husband is aroused and we start to fool around afterwards and come to find out I’m super wet, so now he thinks I’m totally into it but won’t admit it. I mean we were talking about sex so obviously I’d be a little wet. I was also ovulating and my fellow women know how the plumbing works during that time. Now in all honestly, the THOUGHT of it can be arousing but I instantly feel dirty after having the thought. And I would never actually do it. But I think that one time has got him doing all the preparation work to go through with it but I’m still very much against it.


Then I would gently and firmly tell him that he's continued to bring this up again and again, and your answer is still, and always will be, no. I would then add that you won't discuss opening up your marriage with him again, and that if he brings it up, you will not respond.

Then, if he brings it up again, don't respond. Ignore the topic completely.

That said, do not tell him you will ignore the topic, if you don't have the will to follow through. As any inconsistency on your part will just make the problem worse.


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## Diana7

BioFury said:


> Then I would gently and firmly tell him that he's continued to bring this up again and again, and your answer is still, and always will be, no. I would then add that you won't discuss opening up your marriage with him again, and that if he brings it up, you will not respond.
> 
> Then, if he brings it up again, don't respond. Ignore the topic completely.
> 
> That said, do not tell him you will ignore the topic, if you don't have the will to follow through. As any inconsistency on your part will just make the problem worse.


I agree with this. 
If you have said no then there is no way that he should keep on and on about it. Its so disrespectful and unloving of him. 

Say one final time, I am not going to commit adultery, its bad for me, its bad for the marriage and that is my final word. I am going to remain faithful to my marriage vows no matter what. Please don't pressure me ever again on it. 
If you can't accept that then I am not the right woman for you. 
If he does bring it up again, ignore him and walk out of the room.


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## Spicy

You are being too nice. Say and do whatever it takes to have a final conversation about this. Make sure he is very clear that he better never bring up the idea again to you, unless he is ready to sign divorce papers.


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## OnTheFly

BioFury said:


> Your husband needs to cut down on the porn. It's absence will help him extract his head from his butt.


Afraid so!

Ask him how he feels 10 seconds after he cums from masturbating to cuckold porn.

If he’s honest, he’ll say shame and disgust. Now, tell him to imagine how exponentially worse it’ll feel happening in real life.

If he balks, and says it’s still a turn on, his brain is seared to reality.


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## 269370

wishingaway said:


> It’s amazing the similarities between you and my husband. He’s 30, we have a child and he even used the exact word lid as in taking the lid off this fantasy and being honest about it.
> 
> I have no clue as to why it’s such a desirable thing.
> 
> He used to shun the thought but the more he thought about it the more he wanted to do it. So to me it just seems like the line of right and wrong has been blurred and all morals have gone out the window. As is society in most cases. Our sex life is great. It’s funny cuz I even joked about having a challenge to where soon as I’m off my cycle that we have sex everyday until my next one. (This was after a huge break through we recently had)



I meant ‘keeping the lid’, as in keeping it a fantasy. 
My wife is different in that i think if I pushed for something, eventually she will give in and i can be a real pain in the behind if I want something. This particular thing, i know it will end badly and be the end of us so while it is amusing to think about, it isn’t gonna happen (because I won’t let it). It doesn’t mean we can’t include the fantasy version of it in our sex life together. (Which she finds very stimulating even though she won’t admit it, but I can tell).

There have been things we tried where she said beforehand she is not going to enjoy it and she will just be doing it for me, but I could tell that during it, she was actually enjoying it even more than me (well, her body definitely was. She said that afterwards, she still felt bad about. If that happens a few times, I would stop pushing for it). This disconnect between body and mind, I always found weird but I noticed that my wife is not the only one who says one thing (with their brain) and feels a very different thing (with her body). I haven’t quite figured out how to navigate it and what to listen to more....I seem inclined to listen more to her mind for now as this seems to be the right thing to do, generally speaking...Or maybe it’s the idea of finding some form of shame and humiliation arousing in itself.

Anyway, that’s besides the point: don’t do it.
If you do do it, it’s likely that eventually you will do it with a partner that you will develop feelings towards (involuntarily) and your husband will become insecure and eventually it will blow up (there were a number of cases on TAM where this exact thing happened). This kind of thing is self-destructive in its nature and perhaps only 2% of couples can practice it successfully (my guess) so why risk it. Especially if you have a kid.


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## 269370

wishingaway said:


> I think that’s what gets me so emotional and upset over this. I feel like he’s gonna run this to the ground until I ultimately have no choice but to do it or walk away. And I’ve expressed that to him and he says he wouldn’t ever push it that far.



Maybe instead of saying that you don’t feel like doing it, tell him that you did some research about it and figured that most couples who do it, do end up ruining their marriage in the end, whether they want to or not, no matter how carefully they approached it. And that you thought about it but felt it was much too risky to involve anyone else and that he needs to think about protecting the family.

Although to be honest, not having another person inserting themselves into you should really be reason enough but maybe his lizard brain doesn’t get it. Perhaps the fear of loosing you will.



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## 269370

wishingaway said:


> That’s the thing. I’ve told him every single time that I wouldn’t be okay with it but give it a couple weeks and he’s bringing it up... again.
> 
> Side story here.... so there was one time that we got onto Whisper together (he’s known for using this app but not myself) to anonymously get people’s perspectives on it sense I refused to do it. (This is a ladies group so I’m going to include natural woman bodily functions, so if you’re a guy and get grossed out, too bad cuz this is called Lady’s Lounge *shrug*) So we’re on it talking to strangers for a while and I’m debating it over in my head but still very against it and obviously my husband is aroused and we start to fool around afterwards and come to find out I’m super wet, so now he thinks I’m totally into it but won’t admit it. I mean we were talking about sex so obviously I’d be a little wet. I was also ovulating and my fellow women know how the plumbing works during that time. Now in all honestly, the THOUGHT of it can be arousing but I instantly feel dirty after having the thought. And I would never actually do it. But I think that one time has got him doing all the preparation work to go through with it but I’m still very much against it.



Oh ****....this is scary now but exactly the same thing happens with my wife in very similar circumstances...She gets noticeably more wet and horny and it is confusing in those instances: perhaps you can tell me what it really means? Why would someone be really wet about something that they are SAYING they are grossed out about!! Why does that happen??? I don’t get it!!! And what is the take away message, for a guy?
She says she is only reacting that way because she can feel how much it turns me on but I think this is a bull**** excuse for not wanting to own responsibility for one’s own feelings! I just don’t know!


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## WorkingWife

wishingaway said:


> The main issue is the sex stuff. He really wants to try this one fantasy and basically have an open marriage.


NO. Absolutely not. Tell him "that is NEVER happening. If I ever have sex with another man it won't be while I'm married to you. And NO you do NOT have my permission to screw around. If you actually let me, your wife, have sex with another man, I would lose all respect for you and no longer be able to be married to you. Likewise if you were with another woman."




wishingaway said:


> This is just something I never thought I would deal with in our marriage and I feel like if something doesn’t happen or change that it’s going to fall apart and that’s the last thing I want.


I'm really sorry, but your husband is a selfish, manipulative creep. He doesn't care at all if you ever jump out of an airplane or ride a roller coaster. He is trying to make you doubt yourself in all ways so you will step up in the one way he really wants and let him screw around.

If you go along with his destructive fantasy you will hate yourself and then him and your marriage will fall apart.
If he keeps pushing you for this and you don't go along, eventually your marriage will fall apart.

I'm really really sorry. You may be in a no win situation. But giving into his "fantasy" would be a major mistake you would regret the rest of your life. Letting another man who you don't even want screw you to make your husband happy? NO. HELL NO.


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## Laurentium

wishingaway said:


> Side story here.... so there was one time that we got onto Whisper together (he’s known for using this app but not myself) to anonymously get people’s perspectives on it sense I refused to do it. .... So we’re on it talking to strangers for a while and I’m debating it over in my head but still very against it and obviously my husband is aroused and we start to fool around afterwards and come to find out I’m super wet, so now he thinks I’m totally into it but won’t admit it.


So is there any possibility that you could use this as a *fantasy* element in your sex life? *If you are willing and choose to*, perhaps the two of you could share a "third person" fantasy without involving any real third person?


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## NobodySpecial

InMyPrime said:


> Maybe instead of saying that you don’t feel like doing it, tell him that you did some research about it and figured that most couples who do it, do end up ruining their marriage in the end, whether they want to or not, no matter how carefully they approached it. And that you thought about it but felt it was much too risky to involve anyone else and that he needs to think about protecting the family.


This is that absolute truth when one person is pressured into it. This Does Not Work Well. When a person caves on this thinking well that will finally be done, they find a new normal has been established. They learn the opposite of what you want. I gave you this uncomfortable thing as a gift because I love you (and you are a pain in the ass) is not on the radar at all. They learn, I push hard enough, and I get what I want. And push for the next, and the next, and the next thing you Just Don't Want follows.

But the big issue, IMO, is not to do or, obviously, not to do this one thing. Even if/when you put this one issue to bed, there will be another. And your feeling that you will either give in or he will leave is a horrible place to be. I would feel wholly un-cared for. 

I don't know if my experience, and my feelings on it, parallels yours to any useful degree. But I will share in case it does. I was with someone who pushed and pushed and pushed, and reasoned and logic-ed, and pushed... for the things he wanted. He did not HEAR at all my PoV. It was like dealing with a sales person who only wanted to counter and close. What had once been a wonderful, warm and great relationship with copious amounts of red hot sex turned into me dreading being near him. And it was not like there was some just standard bullheadedness going on. He Just Did Not Know how to listen to another person. He would say out of one side of his mouth that he never wanted to do anything I did not want to do, but then continue to PUUUUSSSH. When I gave in, he concluded that I wanted it to. Then would get annoyed when he could sense me being hesitant about it. And push harder. 

I am no longer with that man. He thought he would do anything to keep me. The one thing he just could not do is listen and hear. He contacts me every few years still upset that we are not together. Ugh. 

I was not married to that guy. You are married to this guy. That is why I suggest marriage counseling. If anyone can help him understand working together for the two of you rather than pushing you for what he wants it is a detached third party.

I am sorry you are dealing with this.


----------



## NobodySpecial

InMyPrime said:


> Oh ****....this is scary now but exactly the same thing happens with my wife in very similar circumstances...She gets noticeably more wet and horny and it is confusing in those instances: perhaps you can tell me what it really means? Why would someone be really wet about something that they are SAYING they are grossed out about!! Why does that happen??? I don’t get it!!! And what is the take away message, for a guy?
> She says she is only reacting that way because she can feel how much it turns me on *but I think this is a bull**** ex*cuse for not wanting to own responsibility for one’s own feelings! I just don’t know!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I was just about to say, independently, that being with your very turned on partner is very arousing when I read that your wife feels the same way. The you dismiss her honest communication as BS. And an excuse. Pffffft.


----------



## NobodySpecial

wishingaway said:


> I can definitely see trying to be more adventurous in doing more thrilling things. I have a couple things I really REALLY don’t want to do but I haven’t plenty I’d be willing to do.
> 
> I think that’s what gets me so emotional and upset over this. I feel like he’s gonna run this to the ground until I ultimately have no choice but to do it or walk away. And I’ve expressed that to him and he says he wouldn’t ever push it that far.


Seems to me he already IS pushing it that far.


----------



## 269370

NobodySpecial said:


> I was just about to say, independently, that being with your very turned on partner is very arousing when I read that your wife feels the same way. The you dismiss her honest communication as BS. And an excuse. Pffffft.



Not a dismissal (you are so quick to judge; I don’t know if you noticed, but I wrote clearly that with her, I’m neither pushing her into things she SAYS she feels bad doing anymore nor complain that she won’t do them). 

I’m just expressing my confusion (here and not towards her) between what she is telling me and what her BODY is telling me (both are not in sync, it seems). And asking if anyone can explain what’s going on or what she REALLY means.

I don’t believe you can fake horniness or being turned on by something! You can certainly fake enjoyment and even APPEAR as if you are eager to try something but the body is not going to fool anyone when it comes to it. That’s why they do lie detector tests (which don’t always work but presumably whoever does them, takes the bodily response more seriously than the verbal response!). Does it make sense? Perhaps you can’t relate to it because your body and mind are always in perfect sync.

For example with me, I will ADMIT that hotwife stuff DOES turn me on (as a fantasy) but I won’t be doing it because I know it won’t end well. This is precisely how I feel and how my BODY feels about it (=synced).

There was only ONE instance that I can recall that my mind was not in complete sync and that’s when my wife decided to have a very early abortion. But even there, my mind was telling me this was wrong at the time but also at the same time, that I should support her decision since she should know what is best for her when it comes to these things. In the end, it almost killed me and I regret for not listening to my instincts/body more...It was like something within me came up to the surface like never before and just overpowered all my rational thinking, when I realised that the thing we call our mind, is just a little monkey who thinks he is in charge of driving an elephant. Whereas in reality (deep down) the monkey’s job is just to rationalises whatever it is our instincts/body wants. Anyway. Sorry for the ramble. Just explaining where I am coming from.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## NobodySpecial

InMyPrime said:


> Not a dismissal (you are so quick to judge;


Um. Not sure what bull**** excuse sounds like to you. But boy does it sound like a dismissal to me!



> I don’t know if you noticed, but I wrote clearly that with her, I’m neither pushing her into things she SAYS she feels bad doing anymore nor complain that she won’t do them).
> 
> I’m just expressing my confusion (here and not towards her) between what she is telling me and what her BODY is telling me


And she told you why her body reacted that way. What a pisser for you it isn't exactly why you want it to or how you would think.


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## Laurentium

InMyPrime said:


> Oh ****....this is scary now but exactly the same thing happens with my wife in very similar circumstances...She gets noticeably more wet and horny and it is confusing in those instances: perhaps you can tell me what it really means? Why would someone be really wet about something that they are SAYING they are grossed out about!! Why does that happen??? I don’t get it!!! And what is the take away message, for a guy?


There is some science saying that many women lubricate when they are shown a film of monkeys having sex. It doesn't mean they want to have sex with a monkey. The take away is that people are complicated, and arousal and desire are not the same thing. And things that we enjoy in fantasy are not always pleasant if they happen in real life.


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## 269370

NobodySpecial said:


> I was just about to say, independently, that being with your very turned on partner is very arousing when I read that your wife feels the same way. The you dismiss her honest communication as BS. And an excuse. Pffffft.



It’s also not quite how you depicted it...I don’t know how to explain it without being a bit more graphic but when I talk her through one fantasy or another as a foreplay, she has no way of knowing whether I’m actually aroused or into it. 

I can tell she is aroused by the scenario itself (for example forced/forceful sex with a stranger). This aroused her even before I ever knew I had a bit of a hotwife thing going on myself...So it’s not even clear whether chicken or egg came first. And I don’t think she’s doing any of it to ‘please’ me in the first instance; she is not that kind of person. 
She will SAY that she is doing it to please me but I can TELL she’s sometimes more into it than me.
Maybe OP can explain the mechanics of it since there’s no reason to say something to ‘save face’ which is otherwise difficult if you do it in real life.
Though there’s a chance she’s not same as my wife but it’s still interesting to understand it a bit better what’s really going on.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370

NobodySpecial said:


> Um. Not sure what bull**** excuse sounds like to you. But boy does it sound like a dismissal to me!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And she told you why her body reacted that way. What a pisser for you it isn't exactly why you want it to or how you would think.



Ok, never mind.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370

Laurentium said:


> There is some science saying that many women lubricate when they are shown a film of monkeys having sex. It doesn't mean they want to have sex with a monkey. The take away is that people are complicated, and arousal and desire are not the same thing. And things that we enjoy in fantasy are not always pleasant if they happen in real life.



Ok, that’s closer to what I’m getting at. But at what point do we know what is enjoyable in fantasy only and what is enjoyable in real life? When we salivate over certain foods, it’s because we actually want to eat that particular food?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Laurentium

InMyPrime said:


> There was only ONE instance that I can recall that my mind was not in complete sync and that’s when my wife decided to have a very early abortion. But even there, my mind was telling me this was wrong at the time but also at the same time, that I should support her decision since she should know what is best for her when it comes to these things. In the end, it almost killed me


That's an awful thing to happen. I hope you have had a chance to mourn it. My own belief is that you should listen carefully to what your body instinct is telling you (the "elephant") and take it carefully into account, but in the end the rational mind ("little monkey") has to decide. In this case, I guess maybe your choice was not abortion versus no abortion, because you probably could not stop it. Your choice was support her, or go against it and probably end the relationship.


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## Laurentium

InMyPrime said:


> When we salivate over certain foods, it’s because we actually want to eat that particular food?


Yeah, if you salivate over something, but you know it's going to cause a big allergic reaction if you eat it, (like a person with Crohn's looking at a slice of cake).

I don't want to thread-jack. I guess my main message to the OP is don't do anything you really don't want to.


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## 269370

Laurentium said:


> Yeah, if you salivate over something, but you know it's going to cause a big allergic reaction if you eat it, (like a person with Crohn's looking at a slice of cake).
> 
> I don't want to thread-jack. I guess my main message to the OP is don't do anything you really don't want to.



Yes BUT then you would say “I really WANT some chocolate cake but can’t/shouldn’t have it”. Instead of “I hate the thought of chocolate cake”.

Anyway, my thing may be a bit different from OP’s husband in that I think it is more the thought of other men salivating over her (which they do) but only me, who can have her. It’s more a competitive rather than a cuckold thing. The cuckold thing might be too advanced for me..I was going by her physical responses only, I would think she was into gang bangs, sex with strangers, rape fantasies etc. All a bit over my ‘pay grade’.


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## 269370

Laurentium said:


> That's an awful thing to happen. I hope you have had a chance to mourn it. My own belief is that you should listen carefully to what your body instinct is telling you (the "elephant") and take it carefully into account, but in the end the rational mind ("little monkey") has to decide. In this case, I guess maybe your choice was not abortion versus no abortion, because you probably could not stop it. Your choice was support her, or go against it and probably end the relationship.



It was complicated (I did a thread about it). I could have stopped her physically, at least. There were other considerations (3 kids we already have that she didn’t think she could handle if we had a 4th one..). I didn’t think ‘Sophie’s Choice’ could possibly ever be a real life situation until this happened. Anyway, sorry OP. I will shut up now.


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## NobodySpecial

InMyPrime said:


> Ok, never mind.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I guess, OP, my thinking behind responding to this PoV is that I hope you don't infer there is something bull**** about YOUR experience here.


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## Blondilocks

Odds are that if you followed through with his request that it would not turn out the way he fantasized and then that would be one more thing he would blame you for.

Advise him that every time he brings up the subject that he kills a little more of your love for him. It is disrespectful of him to continue to hound you. And, men talk about nagging wives. geez. 

He wants to get out of the house and do something thrilling? Fine, agree on a thrill that you can manage and tell him that as soon as he lines up a babysitter and overcomes his tiredness that you'll be happy to accompany him on his adventure.


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## NobodySpecial

Blondilocks said:


> Odds are that if you followed through with his request that it would not turn out the way he fantasized and then that would be one more thing he would blame you for.


Read This Again. @wishingaway I have some experience with this. I cannot tell you how many men have lost their minds in our bedroom when they pressured their wives into such as this (unknown to us until that moment!) and then lost their minds when their wives actually enjoyed it. Or accepted it. Or did not put a firm (gatekeeper style) stop to to it. That is a cat that is hard to put back in the bag.




> Advise him that every time he brings up the subject that he kills a little more of your love for him. It is disrespectful of him to continue to hound you. And, men talk about nagging wives. geez.


Bingo, must be the front row.



> He wants to get out of the house and do something thrilling? Fine, agree on a thrill that you can manage and tell him that as soon as he lines up a babysitter and overcomes his tiredness that you'll be happy to accompany him on his adventure.


There is another thing he can do. Find thrill seeking buddies elsewhere. Not every activity need be with ones spouse. Thank goodness since DH LOVES photography, and it bores me to tears. I love group fitness, and it makes him feel dirty.


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## 269370

NobodySpecial said:


> I guess, OP, my thinking behind responding to this PoV is that I hope you don't infer there is something bull**** about YOUR experience here.



I am sorry this word triggered you: can I just reiterate (gently) that neither me or OP’s husband is your ex.



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## NobodySpecial

InMyPrime said:


> I am sorry this word triggered you: can I just reiterate (gently) that neither me or OP’s husband is your ex.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That's weird. I am not triggered. Your experience rings no bells with me.


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## jsmart

So your husband wants the mother of his young child to be sexually used by other dudes while he watches. You know those sick ideas are planted in his head from watching too much porn. It has warped his brain from what a healthy man would do, which is treasure his wife and mother of his kid; to protect you from strange men having their way with you. Have you asked yourself where does it end? With the mother of his kid being gang banged? 

We've had so many threads about this very subject. It never goes well for the guys wanting this. The wife doesn't feel loved. She'll quickly go through several men, until one of them clicks with her. He'll say the magic words, "I would never share you" Boom gave over for the husband.

I recommend a hard no. If he can't accept it, then it may be time to D. Why stay married to a man who's voyeuristic fantasy is more important than his family. Don't debase yourself by going down this path. You will not like what you see in the mirror. 

I'm going to be honest, with a husband like yours, the long term survival of your marriage doesn't look good. Why emotionally scar yourself by going down this path for a marriage that has a high failure rate. The dating market is flooded with divorce's in their 30s with a young child, don't add gang bang experience and high notch count to the list of obstacles that a future (correction) MR Wishingaway has to overlook.

Sorry @Nobody Special. I incorrectly had you as the OP.


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## Blondilocks

jsmart said:


> So your husband wants the mother of his young child to be sexually used by other dudes while he watches. You know those sick ideas are planted in his head from watching too much porn. It has warped his brain from what a healthy man would do, which is treasure his wife and mother of his kid; to protect you from strange men having their way with you. Have you asked yourself where does it end? With the mother of his kid being gang banged?
> 
> We've had so many threads about this very subject. It never goes well for the guys wanting this. The wife doesn't feel loved. She'll quickly go through several men, until one of them clicks with her. He'll say the magic words, "I would never share you" Boom gave over for the husband.
> 
> I recommend a hard no. If he can't accept it, then it may be time to D. Why stay married to a man who's voyeuristic fantasy is more important than his family. Don't debase yourself by going down this path. You will not like what you see in the mirror.
> 
> I'm going to be honest, with a husband like yours, the long term survival of your marriage doesn't look good. Why emotionally scar yourself by going down this path for a marriage that has a high failure rate. The dating market is flooded with divorce's in their 30s with a young child, don't add gang bang experience and high notch count to the list of obstacles that a future Mr Nobody Special has to overlook.


You might want to edit your last sentence as she isn't the OP.


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## Yeswecan

wishingaway said:


> I don’t have anyone to talk to about this so here goes. So for one here for the last few years my husband has wanted to be more adventurous in the bedroom. One scenario in particular that I completely don’t feel right doing but I feel like if I never fulfill this fantasy that he’s just going to recent me and just be angry that I won’t even try it. Aside from this apparently I’m not adventurous in general either. And if it weren’t for him we would never get out of the house in his words. Which I don’t feel is true. There’s plenty of things I’d like to go out and do but his job keeps him so tired all the time and most weekends he doesn’t want to go anywhere. And we have a little one with no one we know to babysit even if we did want to go have a date night. I just feel like the blame for everything that’s wrong is put on me. I can’t fulfill his fantasies and I’m boring. And yes I am a very chill person, an introvert, and I’m not big on doing dare devil things for fun but now it’s causing issues. I’m sorry that jumping out of planes and riding roller coasters isn’t my idea of a good time but that’s just me. Why is that so wrong? But there’s plenty of other adventurous things I’d be totally up for. The main issue is the sex stuff. He really wants to try this one fantasy and basically have an open marriage. I want the exact opposite. He’s the only man I’ve been with and I want that to always remain the same. To me that’s incredibly special. I can’t imagine myself having sex with another man. But for him it’s a turn on. We always talk this issue out when it comes up and are trying to work it out, but the weight is just always resting on me and I don’t know how to better help him. Part of me just wants to do it once and never again but I would be so disgusted with myself if I did it. Plus he would just want to make it a regular thing. This is just something I never thought I would deal with in our marriage and I feel like if something doesn’t happen or change that it’s going to fall apart and that’s the last thing I want.



The answer is NO. Tell you H to go find some respect for you. Some therapy is in order as well.


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## NobodySpecial

jsmart said:


> So your husband wants the mother of his young child to be sexually used by other dudes while he watches. You know those sick ideas are planted in his head from watching too much porn. It has warped his brain from what a healthy man would do, which is treasure his wife and mother of his kid; to protect you from strange men having their way with you. Have you asked yourself where does it end? With the mother of his kid being gang banged?
> 
> We've had so many threads about this very subject. It never goes well for the guys wanting this. The wife doesn't feel loved. She'll quickly go through several men, until one of them clicks with her. He'll say the magic words, "I would never share you" Boom gave over for the husband.
> 
> I recommend a hard no. If he can't accept it, then it may be time to D. Why stay married to a man who's voyeuristic fantasy is more important than his family. Don't debase yourself by going down this path. You will not like what you see in the mirror.
> 
> I'm going to be honest, with a husband like yours, the long term survival of your marriage doesn't look good. Why emotionally scar yourself by going down this path for a marriage that has a high failure rate. The dating market is flooded with divorce's in their 30s with a young child, don't add gang bang experience and high notch count to the list of obstacles that a future *Mr Nobody Special* has to overlook.


OP NobodySpecial is me. Married 25 years. Happy as all get out. Poly. Mr Nobody Special is not someone I have any interest in replacing ever. If you want this to be a The Woes of Open Relationships thread, that's cool. The truth is, even if YOU liked the notion, the way your husband is playing it is Wrong, Wrong and Dangerous. This is not about philosophy of marriage. This is about you and your husband.


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## She'sStillGotIt

wishingaway said:


> Yes he wants to watch and maybe both of them please me at the same time. For whatever reason it’s a turn on for him. Even just me flirting with a guy would turn him on. He said years ago he would’ve said hell no to this kind of idea but he’s been thinking and thinking about it and now it’s a full blown fantasy.


The old hot-wifing fantasy. 

The suggestion to get marriage counseling ain't going to *change* what turns your husband on, sorry, but it's not going to change his sexual desires. It's a fantasy/fetish of his and sadly, he's an arrogant SOB who comes across as someone who thinks he _*deserves*_ whatever he wants in life, and you're the one standing in his way of getting it.

Honestly, don't be surprised when you eventually find out one day that he's started scoping out swinger sites and/or alternative lifestyle hookup sites looking to be the 3rd in someone else's MFM situation, or looking to attend parties where a single male may be welcome in a group, etc. And more than likely, you may find out he's gone way past the state of just looking into it. 

Someone as arrogant and self-entitled as he is will simply find a way *around *you, is all. Sadly, I've known more than one guy just like him and that's exactly how they managed to fly their freak flags anyway - with other like-minded people while their wives remained blissfully ignorant.


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## jsmart

NobodySpecial said:


> OP NobodySpecial is me. Married 25 years. Happy as all get out. Poly. Mr Nobody Special is not someone I have any interest in replacing ever. If you want this to be a The Woes of Open Relationships thread, that's cool. The truth is, even if YOU liked the notion, the way your husband is playing it is Wrong, Wrong and Dangerous. This is not about philosophy of marriage. This is about you and your husband.



Sorry @Nobody Special. I incorrectly had you as the OP. I edited my earlier post.


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## NobodySpecial

jsmart said:


> Sorry @Nobody Special. I incorrectly had you as the OP. I edited my earlier post.


No worries. Shall I respond to your post with how wrong you are?  Just kidding. It won't be helpful to the OP.


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## She'sStillGotIt

wishingaway said:


> ... so there was one time that we got onto Whisper together (he’s known for using this app but not myself) to anonymously get people’s perspectives on it sense I refused to do it.


You know in my last post how I said don't be surprised when you eventually find out one day that he's using swinger hookup sites and/or alternative lifestyle hookup sites?

This Whisper app is basically a place to interact with others, sharing HIDDEN texts and photos, and talking about all the taboo things you can't discuss at Sunday dinner. And if you think for one second that people on this app aren't hooking up left and right and using it to sext with each other, you'd be very very wrong. Why does a married man even HAVE this app on his phone?

I *knew *he was shady. I knew it.

OP, I think you've only seen the tip of the iceberg with this guy. I'm willing to bet he's got a lot more 'apps' you don't know about on that phone of his. I think your too-sweet and too-trusting nature is getting you steamrolled by this guy.


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## wishingaway

After a lengthy talk which took up an entire day yesterday and his brief mentioning of suggesting I talk to the guy he has lined up today while he’s busy at work, I told him I just couldn’t do it and now he’s pissed because “I never want to try anything”. I seriously think our marriage might be over.... 💔

Taking the day off from talking because of this and we both have busy days today.


----------



## NobodySpecial

wishingaway said:


> After a lengthy talk which took up an entire day yesterday and his brief mentioning of suggesting I talk to the guy he has lined up today while he’s busy at work, I told him I just couldn’t do it and now he’s pissed because “I never want to try anything”. I seriously think our marriage might be over.... 💔
> 
> Taking the day off from talking because of this and we both have busy days today.


He LINED SOMEONE UP??? What a douche.


----------



## personofinterest

BioFury said:


> wishingaway said:
> 
> 
> 
> At this point I wish sex just wasn’t that big a deal. Let’s just do without it except to procreate.
> 
> 
> 
> That mindset is not going to get you very far in relationships. If that's really how you feel, you should stay single.
Click to expand...

I love sex, but if I had a husband pushing this crap, I'd feel the same way.

Let's not focus on this one thought out of context.

This isn't HER priblem.


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## personofinterest

NobodySpecial said:


> wishingaway said:
> 
> 
> 
> After a lengthy talk which took up an entire day yesterday and his brief mentioning of suggesting I talk to the guy he has lined up today while he’s busy at work, I told him I just couldn’t do it and now he’s pissed because “I never want to try anything”. I seriously think our marriage might be over.... 💔
> 
> Taking the day off from talking because of this and we both have busy days today.
> 
> 
> 
> He LINED SOMEONE UP??? What a douche.
Click to expand...

Yep

OP, this is NOT your issue or problem. It is 100% his.

I'm so sorry.


----------



## BioFury

wishingaway said:


> After a lengthy talk which took up an entire day yesterday and his brief mentioning of suggesting I talk to the guy he has lined up today while he’s busy at work, I told him I just couldn’t do it and now he’s pissed because “I never want to try anything”. I seriously think our marriage might be over.... 💔
> 
> Taking the day off from talking because of this and we both have busy days today.


You never want to try anything? Ha. If I were you, and you're squared away financially, I'd go get some massive 8 inch strap-on, and be waiting for him with it on when he gets home. I bet his excitement will be palpable.

"Bend over honey. You'll love it!"


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## uhtred

OP. 
Many people have all sorts of fantasies, but its important that they realize that not everyone shares the same ones and that not all fantasies can be fulfilled. I think its OK to *ask* .. once, but when a partner has indicated that they don't want to do something, that should be the end of it. (maybe a repeat ask every few years is OK).

It is worth thinking about whether there is a way to fulfill his fantasy in a way that is OK with you. For example could you video yourselves role playing it where he dresses up / pretends to be someone else? Then he can watch later? 

I'm generally a fan of humoring minor fantasies. Eg if he wants you to wear a schoolgirl outfit, or you want him to dress up as a pirate, where is the harm. But a fantasy that involves other people is a huge deal, and not something that should be done unless both are comfortable with it. (same for bondage / domination games where the sub doesn't enjoy).



For other things - again is there some compromise in "adventure". Jumping out of airplanes is a long way from roller-coasters. Is it possible to stretch a little ,or are you already doing that? 

What is he doing for you in all this? Is he up for your fantasies in bed (whatever they are), and is he happy do other things that you enjoy in life?


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## uhtred

The thing is he might. Some percentage of men who want to see their wives with other men are into it for the submissive feeling it gives them. 




BioFury said:


> You never want to try anything? Ha. If I were you, and you're squared away financially, I'd go get some massive 8 inch strap-on, and be waiting for him with it on when he gets home. I bet his excitement will be palpable.
> 
> "Bend over honey. You'll love it!"


----------



## BioFury

uhtred said:


> The thing is he might. Some percentage of men who want to see their wives with other men are into it for the submissive feeling it gives them.


So tell him lube is for real men. See how he processes that, lol.


----------



## jsmart

wishingaway said:


> After a lengthy talk which took up an entire day yesterday and his brief mentioning of *suggesting I talk to the guy he has lined up today while he’s busy at work*, I told him I just couldn’t do it and now he’s pissed because “I never want to try anything”. I seriously think our marriage might be over.... 💔
> 
> Taking the day off from talking because of this and we both have busy days today.



He's lined up someone to bang you? Just like that. "Hey wishingaway, I'm busy at work, can you go talk to this guy?" Really? 

Do you know where his path leads to? You performing increasing wanton acts to satisfy his insatiable appetite for your debasement. It will start off with a threesome with one guy, then real soon he'll want to add a 3rd because you know why. The number of men having you will increase because he'll want variety. I'm not exaggerating. Within a few months there could easily be a dozen men who had their way with you.

I have a strong suspicion that this is not what you signed up for when you married him and started a young family. This man is not worthy of you. I suggest you quickly getting your financial ducks in a row, to move on. You have a young child to protect. When your baby kid looks into your eyes, what kind of mother do you want him to see?


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## dpoohclock

The sharing of fantasies is one thing, pushing the spouse beyond their interest and even going so far as to set something up for real and then being mad when they decline?!?!! yeah that's a mess. 

Ok, I have some prior experience in this realm, and I can safely say that a very high percentage of people who have this sort of fantasy and try to act on it end up not being able to handle it or handle the effects from it. 

Like others have said, once that cat is out of the bag it's very hard to put back in, and unless the 2 people in the marriage both readily agree beforehand AND are capable of handing the issues that arise (there are always issues with open marriages in the beginning), it's a no go. 

Many of us have all sorts of fantasies, and that's fine. The thing is, a large portion of the time they should stay as fantasies. 

Acting it out amongst yourselves is one thing, bringing actual live other people into it is completely another, and one that most couples cannot handle. 

So, for the OP, I would suggest standing your ground, and either resolving this with counseling, lots of discussion, or whatever depending on if he can realize that it's not good for you.


----------



## uhtred

That was not an acceptable thing for him to do. 

If this other guy contacts you, just tell him that your husband did not have your permission at all for this, and that you have already made it clear to your husband that you had no interest in this.


There are lots of possible fantasies, and telling your partner about your fantasies is fine. The key is that they are *fantasies*. It may turn out that a couple happens to share a fantasy - and that is great if it happens. Most of the time though couples don't share fantasies, and so they don't get to do them. This is something that non-selfish people recognize and accept. 

I'm saying this as someone who believes in going to reasonable efforts to please one's partner in bed. There are lots of "harmless" fantasies and sure, great to play along. Bringing in a 3rd person though is NOT harmless. Its something that is a huge deal for many people and its not at all unreasonable for you to not want that.


Personally I've never understood this fantasy -that doesn't make it "bad", but I don't think its nearly as common as some people think.








wishingaway said:


> After a lengthy talk which took up an entire day yesterday and his brief mentioning of suggesting I talk to the guy he has lined up today while he’s busy at work, I told him I just couldn’t do it and now he’s pissed because “I never want to try anything”. I seriously think our marriage might be over.... 💔
> 
> Taking the day off from talking because of this and we both have busy days today.


----------



## BioFury

wishingaway said:


> After a lengthy talk which took up an entire day yesterday and his brief mentioning of suggesting I talk to the guy he has lined up today while he’s busy at work, I told him I just couldn’t do it and now he’s pissed because “I never want to try anything”. I seriously think our marriage might be over.... 💔
> 
> Taking the day off from talking because of this and we both have busy days today.


Also, be aware that if he did indeed "line someone up", then he has most likely shared any nude or semi-nude pictures of you with said guy.


----------



## Chaparral

There have been lots of situations like this in the coping with infidelity section. Sharing becomes one on one with the wife falling for one of the other men. Subconsciously, I think, the woman gets the message her husband doesn’t really love her. After all, we all know real men don’t share their wives. Just the opposite. 

If I were you I would accept the fact your husband isn’t normal, doesn’t love you, and he’s an ass.

Move on.


----------



## 269370

wishingaway said:


> After a lengthy talk which took up an entire day yesterday and his brief mentioning of suggesting I talk to the guy he has lined up today while he’s busy at work, I told him I just couldn’t do it and now he’s pissed because “I never want to try anything”. I seriously think our marriage might be over.... 💔
> 
> Taking the day off from talking because of this and we both have busy days today.



This doesn’t seem right...It shouldn’t be about whether you are a sexual prude or not (which you obviously are not), it’s about the fact that this might irreversibly damage your family for good...Have you told him that? And is he prepared to risk it anyway? In which case it might not be such a bad thing if this is over. His **** might be taking (and talking) over his brain.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## jsmart

BioFury said:


> Also, be aware that if he did indeed "line someone up", then he has most likely shared any nude or semi-nude pictures of you with said guy.



Oh whip. I didn't even think about that. There's a very high chance that he showed this dude some pic of you to entice him.

Speaking of pics, he will most likely want to make videos of the sessions to enjoy later. You don't want one of those to end up on a porn site. Imagine 15 years later, your then teen finding porn of his mom being used by multiple men.


----------



## uhtred

While he might post them, there are so many porn vids that the odds of being recognized are small. And kids - when you were young what were the odds of your looking for videos of someone your mother's age? 



jsmart said:


> Oh whip. I didn't even think about that. There's a very high chance that he showed this dude some pic of you to entice him.
> 
> Speaking of pics, he will most likely want to make videos of the sessions to enjoy later. You don't want one of those to end up on a porn site. Imagine 15 years later, your then teen finding porn of his mom being used by multiple men.


----------



## personofinterest

uhtred said:


> While he might post them, there are so many porn vids that the odds of being recognized are small. And kids - when you were young what were the odds of your looking for videos of someone your mother's age?
> 
> 
> 
> jsmart said:
> 
> 
> 
> Oh whip. I didn't even think about that. There's a very high chance that he showed this dude some pic of you to entice him.
> 
> Speaking of pics, he will most likely want to make videos of the sessions to enjoy later. You don't want one of those to end up on a porn site. Imagine 15 years later, your then teen finding porn of his mom being used by multiple men.
Click to expand...

yeah, because the fact that they might be hard to fund makes it TOTALLY okay...

smh


----------



## jsmart

uhtred said:


> While he might post them, there are so many porn vids that the odds of being recognized are small. And kids - when you were young what were the odds of your looking for videos of someone your mother's age?


Ok, I concede on your point that teens are not likely to be looking at an older women being tag teamed by older dudes. But what about a neighbor, someone at work or a parent or teacher at your kids' school? 

I could see it now: neighbor down the block. "OMG. Hey honey, look at this, isn't that wishingaway from down the block?" Or at the teacher's lounge. "Hey, check out what I found last night, it's a video of little Johnny wishingaway's mom."

With the sheer volume of videos out there, I know it's very unlikely that it would be found but is that's a risk Wishingaway wants to take.


----------



## personofinterest

jsmart said:


> uhtred said:
> 
> 
> 
> While he might post them, there are so many porn vids that the odds of being recognized are small. And kids - when you were young what were the odds of your looking for videos of someone your mother's age?
> 
> 
> 
> Ok, I concede on your point that teens are not likely to be looking at an older women being tag teamed by older dudes. But what about a neighbor, someone at work or a parent or teacher at your kids' school?
> 
> I could see it now: neighbor down the block. "OMG. Hey honey, look at this, isn't that wishingaway from down the block?" Or at the teacher's lounge. "Hey, check out what I found last night, it's a video of little Johnny wishingaway's mom."
> 
> With the sheer volume of videos out there, I know it's very unlikely that it would be found but is that's a risk Wishingaway wants to take.
Click to expand...

Not to mention doing it without her knowledge or consent is just WRONG


----------



## Yeswecan

wishingaway said:


> After a lengthy talk which took up an entire day yesterday and his brief mentioning of suggesting I talk to the guy he has lined up today while he’s busy at work, I told him I just couldn’t do it and now he’s pissed because “I never want to try anything”. I seriously think our marriage might be over.... 💔
> 
> Taking the day off from talking because of this and we both have busy days today.


Your H is a dope. Your H has no respect for you. Start talking D. You deserve better.


----------



## uhtred

Didn't say it was OK, was trying to allay fears that she might already be all over the internet with friends sniggering behind her back. Some would be really traumatized by the thought. 

There are laws against doing this, so if she dose fine out she can have him prosecuted. 





personofinterest said:


> yeah, because the fact that they might be hard to fund makes it TOTALLY okay...
> 
> smh


----------



## uhtred

And illegal, at least in the US. I don't think anyone implied it was OK



personofinterest said:


> Not to mention doing it without her knowledge or consent is just WRONG


----------



## 269370

wishingaway said:


> Side story here.... so there was one time that we got onto Whisper together (he’s known for using this app but not myself) to anonymously get people’s perspectives on it sense I refused to do it.
> So we’re on it talking to strangers for a while and I’m debating it over in my head but still very against it and obviously my husband is aroused and we start to fool around afterwards and come to find out I’m super wet, so now he thinks I’m totally into it but won’t admit it. I mean we were talking about sex so obviously I’d be a little wet. I was also ovulating and my fellow women know how the plumbing works during that time.



One thong I forgot to ask: why were you ‘debating it’ in your head and talking to strangers about it, if you decided it was not for you? Just wondering if (by mistake) you may have sent him mixed signals somehow about it?
I think it’s perfectly ok to not want to do stuff you don’t want to do and it’s not ok to be pressurised into something but you also need to be clear with him about your boundaries and be consistent about it, so that he doesn’t get the wrong idea or some kind of hope that when you say no, you actually mean yes...It’s very important he gets this.



wishingaway said:


> Now in all honestly, the THOUGHT of it can be arousing.


Why? If I may ask. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## wishingaway

He wanted me to just picture it and see if I would like it. He brought it up again and was like here, let’s tell people on whisper how you feel about it and get some others perspective. So we read their comments/messages and I thought about it and how I would feel about it basically. If I thought at any level I MIGHT enjoy it. But I know I wouldn’t in the end. 

Other than that I’ve been pretty consistent on my feelings and saying no. But now he’s on the edge of he really wants to do this and he’s getting anxious to do it I guess. I mean there was a time we were in the middle of sex and he directly spoke the scenario to me for me to imagine it and my body language completely changed. I tended up and he could tell. Afterwards he said after seeing that he knows I’m too uncomfortable with the idea. All the times before he’s dropped it and said ok and let it go. But it’s a freaking constant subject that keeps coming up. I cried in front of him once when he brought it up and he said no more, he’d stop mentioning it. And now he’s just becoming this total jerk about it. 

Why... well if you’re straight, and your SO isn’t around but you’re horny, lets say you’re one that watches porn and you put on some freaky stuff. Girl on girl, guy on guy, gang bang.... whatever. It still gets the job done cuz it’s sex and dirty right? But the fact remains that you’re not gay and you would never partake in such actions. Just like someone else commented, a woman can watch monkeys having sex and get wet but it doesn’t mean she wants to have sex with monkeys. Hope that makes sense.




InMyPrime said:


> wishingaway said:
> 
> 
> 
> Side story here.... so there was one time that we got onto Whisper together (he’s known for using this app but not myself) to anonymously get people’s perspectives on it sense I refused to do it.
> So we’re on it talking to strangers for a while and I’m debating it over in my head but still very against it and obviously my husband is aroused and we start to fool around afterwards and come to find out I’m super wet, so now he thinks I’m totally into it but won’t admit it. I mean we were talking about sex so obviously I’d be a little wet. I was also ovulating and my fellow women know how the plumbing works during that time.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> One thong I forgot to ask: why were you ‘debating it’ in your head and talking to strangers about it, if you decided it was not for you? Just wondering if (by mistake) you may have sent him mixed signals somehow about it?
> I think it’s perfectly ok to not want to do stuff you don’t want to do and it’s not ok to be pressurised into something but you also need to be clear with him about your boundaries and be consistent about it, so that he doesn’t get the wrong idea or some kind of hope that when you say no, you actually mean yes...It’s very important he gets this.
> 
> 
> 
> wishingaway said:
> 
> 
> 
> Now in all honestly, the THOUGHT of it can be arousing.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Why? If I may ask.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...


----------



## wishingaway

It’s funny cuz he actually said I could be a prude at times. Well EXCUSE ME for having morals and certain things I believe in! EXACTLY!!! I have told him that. But now he’s thinking if anything having an open marriage could even make our trust stronger because of how much we’ve strengthed in the previous years of our marriage. So yeah he’s willing to take that risk. But in these types of things you really can’t know for sure what might happen even with the best intentions. 



InMyPrime said:


> wishingaway said:
> 
> 
> 
> After a lengthy talk which took up an entire day yesterday and his brief mentioning of suggesting I talk to the guy he has lined up today while he’s busy at work, I told him I just couldn’t do it and now he’s pissed because “I never want to try anything”. I seriously think our marriage might be over.... 💔
> 
> Taking the day off from talking because of this and we both have busy days today.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This doesn’t seem right...It shouldn’t be about whether you are a sexual prude or not (which you obviously are not), it’s about the fact that this might irreversibly damage your family for good...Have you told him that? And is he prepared to risk it anyway? In which case it might not be such a bad thing if this is over. His **** might be taking (and talking) over his brain.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...


----------



## She'sStillGotIt

OP, you have 6 pages of replies from various members and you cherry pick *one* post to further explain the Whisper scenario but don't acknowledge any of the other pages of posts or answer the questions being asked. 

I'm confused as to exactly what type of advice you're really seeking. Are you just venting?


----------



## anchorwatch

Madam, your selfish husband is obsessively trying to manipulate you into something you don't want to do. 

That is not the sign of someone who respects you or protects you. 

You have a right to feel safe and be respected in a relationship. 

I'm sure you know or you will find out soon that his behavior will destroy your relationship. 

Stay strong to yourself and your values. That is what is important in life. 

Best


----------



## wishingaway

Well I have a toddler to take care of all day and yesterday I was busy and didn’t have a ton of time to reply to each post. I’m venting and wanting to get advice about it, which I have, and I can agree with the majority of what’s been said so far. 



She'sStillGotIt said:


> OP, you have 6 pages of replies from various members and you cherry pick *one* post to further explain the Whisper scenario but don't acknowledge any of the other pages of posts or answer the questions being asked.
> 
> I'm confused as to exactly what type of advice you're really seeking. Are you just venting?


----------



## attheend02

wishingaway said:


> Well I have a toddler to take care of all day and yesterday I was busy and didn’t have a ton of time to reply to each post. I’m venting and wanting to get advice about it, which I have, and I can agree with the majority of what’s been said so far.


It sounds like you may be allowing him to coerce you into his point of view (just a feeling).

I don't believe from what you describe that he has your best interests in mind. Stay strong to your core values and boundaries.


----------



## Blondilocks

I'm guessing you've figured out that what he wants has nothing to do with you. He couldn't care less whether you would enjoy it or not. You're just a body that he and whatever jerk he's trying to impress can use. He can get himself a blow-up doll and keep it in the trunk of is car for those times he finds himself conversing with a like-minded jerk.


----------



## wishingaway

He’s a very head strong (no pun intended) person and he can come off as controlling to strangers when actually we’re always on the same page. Except for this one thing obviously. A long time ago he told me he can be a good manipulator, gave me a couple ways he’s accomplished it in his past. That should’ve been a huge red flag for me but he was never that way with me. But now it’s really starting to be that way in this situation. I feel completely disrespected at this point. I’m really hoping he’ll open his eyes about all this and we can save us but I’m just mentally preparing myself if he doesn’t at this point. 

Thank you. 



anchorwatch said:


> Madam, your selfish husband is obsessively trying to manipulate you into something you don't want to do.
> 
> That is not the sign of someone who respects you or protects you.
> 
> You have a right to feel safe and be respected in a relationship.
> 
> I'm sure you know or you will find out soon that this attitude will destroy your relationship.
> 
> Stay strong to yourself and your values. That is what is important in life.
> 
> Best


----------



## wishingaway

attheend02 said:


> wishingaway said:
> 
> 
> 
> Well I have a toddler to take care of all day and yesterday I was busy and didn’t have a ton of time to reply to each post. I’m venting and wanting to get advice about it, which I have, and I can agree with the majority of what’s been said so far.
> 
> 
> 
> It sounds like you may be allowing him to coerce you into his point of view (just a feeling).
> 
> I don't believe from what you describe that he has your best interests in mind. Stay strong to your core values and boundaries.
Click to expand...

I agree. He’s trying to give me all these ideas and trying to talk me into it. And maybe I have let it go too far but no matter how many times I’ve said no he just goes back to watching threesome porn and thinking about it with me.


----------



## wishingaway

Blondilocks said:


> I'm guessing you've figured out that what he wants has nothing to do with you. He couldn't care less whether you would enjoy it or not. You're just a body that he and whatever jerk he's trying to impress can use. He can get himself a blow-up doll and keep it in the trunk of is car for those times he finds himself conversing with a like-minded jerk.


His fantasy is to see me enjoy it and see how I like being with another man. My husband is the only man I’ve ever been with. So to him it would be a turn on seeing me explore another guy and see how much I like it. To him I guess I’ve “missed out” by not having a ton of sex before we got together. He and I have extremely different ideals about sex.


----------



## Yeswecan

wishingaway said:


> His fantasy is to see me enjoy it and see how I like being with another man. My husband is the only man I’ve ever been with. So to him it would be a turn on seeing me explore another guy and see how much I like it. To him I guess I’ve “missed out” by not having a ton of sex before we got together. *He and I have extremely different ideals about sex.*


That's an understatement. Don't let your H wear down. Stick to what is right in your mind.


----------



## attheend02

He's concerned about what "He" has missed out not what "you" have missed out.

Don't let him throw it on you.


----------



## Yeswecan

wishingaway said:


> I agree. He’s trying to give me all these ideas and trying to talk me into it. And maybe I have let it go too far but no matter how many times I’ve said no *he just goes back to watching threesome porn and thinking about it with me.*


Understand that porn watching is an addiction. I strongly recommend you advise your H he needs help.


----------



## Blondilocks

wishingaway said:


> His fantasy is to see me enjoy it and see how I like being with another man. My husband is the only man I’ve ever been with. So to him it would be a turn on seeing me explore another guy and see how much I like it. To him I guess I’ve “missed out” by not having a ton of sex before we got together. He and I have extremely different ideals about sex.


And, I'm telling you that this has *nothing *to do with you other than being a vehicle for him to get his rocks off. It is all about him, him, him.


----------



## notmyjamie

jsmart said:


> With the sheer volume of videos out there, I know it's very unlikely that it would be found but is that's a risk Wishingaway wants to take.


Don't be so sure. A friend sent me a picture once. She got it off a website that displays the pictures Disney has to delete from their ride photos as they are not suitable for public viewing. No idea how she found it. Anyway, she sent it to me with a caption saying "hey...doesn't this naughty girl look just like you!!? HAHAHA" and she did look like me. Because she is my cousin. The picture was obviously taken on her honeymoon. She had pulled her shirt up on Splash Mountain exposing her breasts on the way down. I can't ever unsee that. Ugh.


----------



## Blondilocks

Have you considered that it may be the other male that your husband is really interested in?


----------



## 269370

wishingaway said:


> His fantasy is to see me enjoy it and see how I like being with another man. My husband is the only man I’ve ever been with. So to him it would be a turn on seeing me explore another guy and see how much I like it. To him I guess I’ve “missed out” by not having a ton of sex before we got together.



How considerate...
I think you need to somehow make him understand that no matter how much and how well you and him imagine it in your heads, the reality is likely going to be VERY different.
Can you find some other alternative fantasy that is similar but doesn’t involve an actual extra physical person in your bedroom? 
There’s just too much that can go wrong.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## jsmart

wishingaway said:


> His fantasy is to see me enjoy it and see how I like being with another man. *My husband is the only man I’ve ever been with*. So to him it would be a turn on seeing me explore another guy and see how much I like it. To him I guess I’ve “missed out” by not having a ton of sex before we got together. He and I have extremely different ideals about sex.



Porn has wrecked your husband mind up. He has a wife that has not known another man. Instead of treasuring you for that, he wants other men defile you for his entertainment. 

I'm going to assume that if you're discussing these topics that you've already given him anal and given BJ's to completion, which is more than a LOT of women allow their husbands, yet that is no longer enough. Now he wants other men release in your body and for you to swallow other men so he can be entertained. 

Answer this question to yourself, How can a loving husband want the lips that kiss his child good night to be swallowing other men? How can he want the uterus that his child was created in to be splashed by other men's sperm? That strange men spray their semen on the breast that fed his child?


----------



## 269370

wishingaway said:


> He wanted me to just picture it and see if I would like it. He brought it up again and was like here, let’s tell people on whisper how you feel about it and get some others perspective. So we read their comments/messages and I thought about it and how I would feel about it basically. If I thought at any level I MIGHT enjoy it. But I know I wouldn’t in the end.
> 
> Other than that I’ve been pretty consistent on my feelings and saying no. But now he’s on the edge of he really wants to do this and he’s getting anxious to do it I guess. I mean there was a time we were in the middle of sex and he directly spoke the scenario to me for me to imagine it and my body language completely changed. I tended up and he could tell. Afterwards he said after seeing that he knows I’m too uncomfortable with the idea. All the times before he’s dropped it and said ok and let it go. But it’s a freaking constant subject that keeps coming up. I cried in front of him once when he brought it up and he said no more, he’d stop mentioning it. And now he’s just becoming this total jerk about it.
> 
> Why... well if you’re straight, and your SO isn’t around but you’re horny, lets say you’re one that watches porn and you put on some freaky stuff. Girl on girl, guy on guy, gang bang.... whatever. It still gets the job done cuz it’s sex and dirty right? But the fact remains that you’re not gay and you would never partake in such actions. Just like someone else commented, a woman can watch monkeys having sex and get wet but it doesn’t mean she wants to have sex with monkeys. Hope that makes sense.



What kind of advice/feedback were you getting on whisper? I’m curious. This will be pretty one-sides here. Though for good reasons, most of the time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 269370

jsmart said:


> Porn has wrecked your husband mind up. He has a wife that has not known another man. Instead of treasuring you for that, he wants other men defile you for his entertainment.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm going to assume that if you're discussing these topics that you've already given him anal and given BJ's to completion, which is more than a LOT of women allow their husbands, yet that is no longer enough. Now he wants other men release in your body and for you to swallow other men so he can be entertained.
> 
> 
> 
> Answer this question to yourself, How can a loving husband want the lips that kiss his child good night to be swallowing other men? How can he want the uterus that his child was created in to be splashed by other men's sperm? That strange men spray their semen on the breast that fed his child?



Wow. You have really _thought_ about it 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Chaparral

Tell your husband you looked it up and most women that do this end up leaving their husband for one of the bulls he sets them up with. Men that don’t share.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

I hate to say this, but if he is wanting to bring other people into the marriage sexually (open, him watching, wtf ever it may be) and you dont want this, this is going to eventually end your marriage. DO NOT ignore or give up your principles or beliefs just because he wants this, because you will be miserable. Just know that if he is serious about it, that you need to be prepared for the end.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Blondilocks said:


> And, I'm telling you that this has *nothing *to do with you other than being a vehicle for him to get his rocks off. It is all about him, him, him.


Read this again. Then print it out. And read it again. Then send it to yourself in a calendar reminder so you can... read it again.


----------



## SunCMars

...


----------



## AttaBoy

I was "inches" from where your husband is last summer. Reluctant wife, and me with some warped image of what it could mean for our marriage/sex rut. 
I snapped out of it and I am so glad I did. I my only advise would be to tell him to wait, six months or a year, and to review his motivation and desire without bringing it up to you. He is processing something and thinking this is the answer. 
I still don't know exactly what motivated me, but it came from a dark place in my sense of myself as a man tripping over my giving nature. I am 100% sure if I had brought the guy I was selling her on home my marriage would have imploded.


----------



## AVR1962

DO NOT do the open marriage thing!!!!! I am assuming you and your husband are very young. He had plenty going on in his mind but there is no need to let it play out in reality.

My ex wanted the same. I did not oblige him so he started cheating on me and that ended the marriage. he remarried and carried on the same interests. She did agree to indulge his fantasies and have a second partner in the bedroom. He ended up having an affair with her and that finally ended that marriage.

I personally thoughts on this, just from what I have dealt with, is don't waste your time. His interests lie some where else and it is not solely with you. You would better best off to leave the marriage and I do not like to suggest that unless I feel it is the only way to deal with the situation. he will not change. he loves ladies and is addicted to thought of being with yet another lady.


----------



## sunsetmist

He has told you he is a master manipulator--who wants to live with that person? I do not understand several YEARS of discussion on this. What are you doing that encourages him to persist?---continuing to debate the topic? Do you really love the person he has become?

As has been suggested, warn him one last time--SAY NO MORE DISCUSSION! Then walk away-refuse to interact with hm. His view of sex and marriage will ALWAYS be different from yours.

IMO, your marriage is headed for divorce. He has likely already defiled your vows in one way or another. He may slow demands down for a bit, but then come on again full-steam. Do not give in to a man who values his sexual desires more than his wife, his family.

I would show him divorce papers (pull from internet) and ask what is more important to him and ask for an honest answer--you deserve this. However, this is me--I regret with all my being staying in an abusive relationship too long. To me you are in an emotionally abusive relationship!


----------



## Blondilocks

AVR1962 said:


> DO NOT do the open marriage thing!!!!! I am assuming you and your husband are very young. He had plenty going on in his mind but there is no need to let it play out in reality.
> 
> My ex wanted the same. I did not oblige him so he started cheating on me and that ended the marriage. he remarried and carried on the same interests. She did agree to indulge his fantasies and have a second partner in the bedroom. He ended up having an affair with her and that finally ended that marriage.
> 
> I personally thoughts on this, just from what I have dealt with, is don't waste your time. His interests lie some where else and it is not solely with you. You would better best off to leave the marriage and I do not like to suggest that unless I feel it is the only way to deal with the situation. he will not change. he loves ladies and is addicted to thought of being with yet another lady.


It isn't another lady he wants to bring into the bedroom. It is a man.


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## 269370

Blondilocks said:


> It isn't another lady he wants to bring into the bedroom. It is a man.



This sentence should be immediately followed by this:







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## AVR1962

Blondilocks said:


> It isn't another lady he wants to bring into the bedroom. It is a man.


Oh my word! Is this thread even real???


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## Blondilocks

AVR1962 said:


> Oh my word! Is this thread even real???


Yes, Dorothy. You're not in Kansas anymore.:wink2:


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## AVR1962

My question to OP, is why would you stay in something like this? How is this good for you? What are you getting from him that makes you want to continue a relationship with this person? How are you feeling about you.....do you feel he is the only one who can love you or are you afraid to be on your own? What lines do you draw in the sand (boundaries) that would make you end the relationship? Is this not one of them?


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## Ff27

Are you sure he isnt curious himself? If hes into watching another guy or even joining in , whos one to say he might not want to also try it? 

If you want to spice it up and just keep it between u 2, just look up sex swings,slings,restraints,cuffs things like that


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## SecondWind

I feel sorry for you that your husband is such a creep. He's been watching too much porn. He is going to cheat on you eventually because of his sick fantasies.


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