# Is fantasizing normal during sex?



## manchild (Nov 9, 2009)

in brief I am 46 decent bod, my wife 44 very nice slim figure, we got married last October and we both love each other very much

it is our first marriage for both of us, that is to say we've both been around the block quite a bit

as you can imagine from my experience I've had my share and I'd venture the body count up somewhere in the low 100's

I'm smart enough not to ask her body count

but this is about me not her

the thing is she is always ready, all I have to do is kiss her and she starts to puddle..........hey I am not complaining but remember, I'm not 18 any more so she can clearly be ready each and every night..........me I'd like a break now and again

so how much does it suck telling her I need a break, because it is like a slap in the face or an insult to her beauty........thank goodness for my kockring (sp) 

so it seems now to get hard and stay hard I've got to fantasize about scenarios, the first night we wound up in bed when we met in a foreign country and the tension was high........then I digress to some other woman...........sometimes younger.........sometimes older (hey I love all women!) 

but this scares me as I find that I have to concentrate on making it in a different fanasy each time..........sometimes I imagine I am a huge man and she is coed as I plough into her sometimes I fantasize that she is the woman next door to me when I grew up

I am worried that this is cheating but on the other hand if I don't and I can't make love with my wife that too is cheating.......I want to be there for her but I am a little scared where this is all going

so men and women of this forum, have you ever been there and how do I deal with this?

Help!!!


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

Fantasizing is completely normal. Sounds to me like maybe the two of you should talk about your fantasies. H and I did this at first outside of the bedroom... although we didn't stay out of it for long when we opened this topic, that's for sure. Having this kind of dirty talk has helped us to deepen our intimacy together well beyond just the sexual realm. So I think it's quite healthy.


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## manchild (Nov 9, 2009)

yes but fantasizing about old GF's? I worry that I'll start needing to do it more often

what is the way I can start to fantasize about my own wife? 

and sharing this with her? really?! I am really worried that once I go there I won't be able to put the toothpaste back in the tube and she'll be wondering where my thoughts are during sex, i.e. with her or with anotter woman


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

I do it. I always have basically the same fantasy. I never fantasize about another man, but my own husband saying things to me and treating me in a way he would never actually do. 

I don't think I want the fantasy every to materialize, I just like to think about it.


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

Ahha, I think there is a hidden question in here. Fantasizing during sex is not cheating. The fact that you talked about asking for a breather in between sessions hurting her feelings etc... due to your age. Let me ask you a question, and please dont take it in the wrong way, Im not judging. Do you feel in any way insecure about that desire of yours to take a break in between sessions? That it might make her pack up her bags and find someone who can, or that she wont think you are man enough? Does it make you feel you have lost some of that studliness that you had a few years ago? You may need to create those fantasies because you are feeling insecure and its inhibiting you a bit... dont blame you! With a track record like yours, you have a rep to maintain... but not really. I can understand feeling bummed when Im with my man (when we do) and it takes me longer than it used to. When we dont use it (which we havent been) I lose it... and it makes me feel inadequate to myself, not to him. Its like, God Im getting old... but then I just take a breather and try a new way and it happens. 

If you all had a routine that was every night, and you just all of a sudden say no once in a while, she may wonder why. Do you think you could tell her that its hard for you to say this but that you feel like you are getting tired out and its not her because she is beautiful and sexual and you want to please her, but that you dont know if you can maintain the every night routine anymore. 

Would you be open to doing other things on those nights off?

Unless she is only in the marriage for the sex, she should be open to your concern. No need to bring up the fantasizing as I dont think that is the real issue.


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

Or it could be that you have just realized that you settled down with one woman for the rest of your life and you need the fantasies to keep it up... I hope its what I mentioned in my other response to you. If its this second option, you may have abigger issue to think about ... whether or not you are right to be a one woman man or not. In that case, you would be cheating, but not cheating on, your wife. Think about it.


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

I often / usually fantasize and need it myself to get some real enjoyment. Not saying I cannot get off otherwise but to make it the best I need some wild thoughts. One issue I have is that I used to be a womanizer and there was always a woman I was cheating with, trying to cheat with, whatever and I liked these "real" situations to get excited. Now I am fully committed to being faithful in this marriage so I don't have any "real" stuff going on. This makes it harder for me to have a good fantasy but I am sure it is worth it in the end!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Wife and I are both 47 - together for 21 - married 20. Her desire now sometimes outpaces mine. I have tactfully told her that I do not desire sex every day. And truthfully she does not either. But sometimes she gets crazy for a week and then it is every day or more. And - well - that is too much. 

So I have explained this to her and she knows it is about ME not about her. At first she seemed to think I was losing desire for her but that is so not true. My body is just not revved to the same RPM it was at 40/30.....




manchild said:


> in brief I am 46 decent bod, my wife 44 very nice slim figure, we got married last October and we both love each other very much
> 
> it is our first marriage for both of us, that is to say we've both been around the block quite a bit
> 
> ...


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I like to pretend I'm Brad Pitt - is that OK??


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## Dryden (Jan 5, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> I like to pretend I'm Brad Pitt - is that OK??


That should be OK. If you start pretending your Angelina Jolie... there may be an issue.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Angelina scares me. I'm Brad during the Jennifer Aniston period.


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## cliffy (Jan 14, 2010)

You need to sit her down and talk to her about the matter,i think she would understand than carrying the burden....would be more better shared with her i think you both will find a solution to it rather than thinking of the other way round.

Your Ideal Guy Or Lady


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## ilvhearts (Jun 19, 2009)

I am 40's, married 20 years and I constantly fantasize about my ex b/f. He has been on my mind a lot and i cant seem to get him out of my head.

Do any of you have this problem. I mean 24/7 fanatasy


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

I did when I was in my last marriage... mostly when I was pregnant. For me, it mean I wasnt fully over my ex, felt like I made a mistake breaking up with him... wished Id given it more of a chance. BUT, when I sat down and really thought about it, I thinkI missed the highly sexual nature of that relationship the most as that was what lacked the most in my last marriage. Oh God, before I die, please let me experience some hot sex again! LOL...

You have some unresolved feelings or guilt over that past relationship... OR something is highly lacking in your current relationship. Married 20 years and still fantasizing 24/7 about the ex is a problem you need help to get it out of your head or understand it better so its not so all consuming. Best of luck!


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## Andre2000 (Jul 2, 2009)

Cialis....good for 36 hours?


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