# Attn people with good/great sex lives



## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I realize that many people who come to this site may have serious problems with sex and their marraiges and it may not be quite appropriate to have these same people comment on questions like:

How can my wife have 25 orgasms a night
or 
I "only" get sex 4 times a week...
or 
Whatever 

If I am a sexually frustrated person it may seem trivial to read these types of posts and may not respond in a similar fashion to people who are in like themselves. 

Don't get me wrong this forum is great but, sometimes i wonder if there is a forum that lends itself more to people who want to somehow enhance their sexlives rather than "fix" one that is materially broken. 

Is anyone aware of such a forum? 

Thanks for readin my longwinded post.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Who do you think is more likely to help someone with a screwed up sex life, someone else who has the SAME problem or someone who actually has a good sex life?

Actually I have found the MOST helpful people are the ones who temporarily had a bedroom ice age and found a way to recover from it and they now have good sex lives. 

If your goal is to vent and find others in your sexless situation with whom you may commiserate, you don't want highly sexed people to post. If your goal is to learn and problem solve than you very much DO want highly sexed folks around. 





tjohnson said:


> I realize that many people who come to this site may have serious problems with sex and their marraiges and it may not be quite appropriate to have these same people comment on questions like:
> 
> How can my wife have 25 orgasms a night
> or
> ...


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Who do you think is more likely to help someone with a screwed up sex life, someone else who has the SAME problem or someone who actually has a good sex life?
> 
> Actually I have found the MOST helpful people are the ones who temporarily had a bedroom ice age and found a way to recover from it and they now have good sex lives.
> 
> If your goal is to vent and find others in your sexless situation with whom you may commiserate, you don't want highly sexed people to post. If your goal is to learn and problem solve than you very much DO want highly sexed folks around.


:iagree:


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

I'm not even sure what you're asking...


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Janie said:


> I'm not even sure what you're asking...


Me neither, and to hell with my wife ... I want 25 orgasms a night.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MEM11363 said:


> Actually I have found the MOST helpful people are the ones who temporarily had a bedroom ice age and found a way to recover from it and they now have good sex lives.


I like this, I like this alot.  Sometimes I feel down right guilty on this forum because we have recovered what has been lost, too many barren years of what could have been. It was never anywhere near an Ice age, but definetly lacking in comparison to what we have now. 

This very question , even though a little hard to understand, I have thought about quite a bit myself. In fact, I have looked for other boards out of curisity, even posted on one the other day a question about "Does having ALOT of sex Begat even more sex? " not really wanting to put it on here cause it may feel like a slap in the face to others struggling. I did not take the time to read some of the threads on there, but once I started to get answers, it was very clear, again, most were struggling with Mismatched Libitos, alot of resentment. 

I would venture to say, you will probably find MORE upbeat Sexual / Learning / Spicing threads on singles sites, as it is so much easier to move on once the sex stops or becomes stagnant. But in my quest, I have found so little regard for monogamy or even being responsible with sex, it turned me away.  I do love the serious & helpful nature of this forum. 

And I thank you Mem , for pointing out there is a place & purpose for even the things I may share. Something compels me to stay here & read, and share. I would hate to think it is all just a waste of my time.


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## Willow (Jun 17, 2010)

As someone who has recently started to hear the dripping noise of the ice starting to melt, before I add more I'd like to thank Mem and SimplyAmorous for not just those above here but for many great posts that I have found inspirational and motivational. 

I think if you make sure your thread title is clear then people will decide for themselves whether it is relevant for them to participate in the thread. 

So what do you want to ask?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Willow said:


> So what do you want to ask?


Seriously Willow, my questions about sex are ENDLESS. Not because I don't know the answers - I pretty much DO -because I read so much & have learned tons. I just LOVE & never tire of hearing others stories/ experiences, I simply adore the topic of Sex/ Intimacy/ Relationships/ Pleasure/ Romance. My profile name does speak of what I AM - at heart. 

When I am in my rocking chair 80 yrs old, I don't want to look back & say "Da**, why did we never try that !!". So long as it is monogomous & just us, why not!! 

I see value in hearing how others interact, and seriously, we ARE ALL SOOOO darn different. Those differences make it ever more interesting to get varied answers. I am convinced there is generally less black & white answers to fix every situation, but we learn little by little, like an ongoing puzzle , from others around us. Personally, I think I am "out of the box" in comparison to many women out there. The normal mold was broken with me. 

Even Me & MEM have had a few private Pms, he kinda jumped on me one day on a thread & I felt I had to redeem myself to some degree, cause I had the upmost RESPECT for what he says on here, ALWAYS noticed his posts & I was somewhat bothered he looked at me THAT way! So off I went to ask him about it. From a few small pm's, I have learned , what works for him -with HIS wife, would NEVER work for me personally. IT would royally tick me off ! But at the same time, I do NOT disagree with him at all, as his advice WOULD work for the majority of women out there. ...... His wife dislikes too much closeness, doting, he needs to give her JUST enough space to have her "wanting" him, to not lavish too much attention. I personally ADORE being doted on, I want that closeness -always. It enriches me , and makes ME feel more loved, I do not find it stuffy or want to run from it. 

So even with many many relpies, things can be learned , tried, explored but noone has all the answers to any particular dilemma here. We need to know ourselves and seek to know our spouses deeply. 

I still won't put that question on this forum, but I will supply the link here Does Having ALOT of sex begat MORE sex?*-*Marriage - This one poster kinda jumped on me- still waiting for him to come around & get a feel for understanding where I was -at that time.


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## Willow (Jun 17, 2010)

Wow, thank you for that link. I am rather gobsmacked as there seems to be so many similarities in our stories, except that my marriage has been close to ending over it- at the time I thought it was collapsing because of everything BUT sex whereas in fact now I wonder if the sex issue caused the rot everywhere else. Like you if my H had explained about the 'need' and had said how much he wanted it I would have taken action whereas all he ever made was occasional very sarcastic remarks about how awful our sex life was; these were part of a long series of complaints about everything and anything too so got a bit lost in the general noise. 

We're still not out of the woods but our sex life is better than it has ever been. I have always been 'active' in our sex life, and enjoyed it tremendously. I used to instigate sometimes, rarely said 'no' whereas now I initiate alot- more than he does- and never want to say no! I'm also getting better at clearing space for us to have 'alone' time in the house, ensuring I have reciprocal arrangements with friends for kids, visits to grandma etc... something glorious about weekend afternoon sex )this weekend thanks to some scheduling that I'm rather proud of we managed saturday and sunday afternoons. I am still grinning). I wear great lingerie all the time and same for nightwear- I often shower in the evening and change into my nightwear for the last hour or so before we go to bed and that seems to work for him!

I am 44 and he is 46, we've been together 15 years. I too wonder from time to time about when our drives will fade but just now I am concentrating on enjoying the moment. I also feel that I have so much more to learn. I'm a bookworm too so any good recommendations for hotting things up further would be appreciated!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

SA,
I have great respect for you. You have made your marriage the happy place it is. Your H is lucky. 

Willow,
You are reaching into your H's head in a way that is irresistable. I imagine he is falling back in love with you. 

The two of you are poster children for reawakening the magic. 






SimplyAmorous said:


> Seriously Willow, my questions about sex are ENDLESS. Not because I don't know the answers - I pretty much DO -because I read so much & have learned tons. I just LOVE & never tire of hearing others stories/ experiences, I simply adore the topic of Sex/ Intimacy/ Relationships/ Pleasure/ Romance. My profile name does speak of what I AM - at heart.
> 
> When I am in my rocking chair 80 yrs old, I don't want to look back & say "Da**, why did we never try that !!". So long as it is monogomous & just us, why not!!
> 
> ...


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## Willow (Jun 17, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> SA,
> I have great respect for you. You have made your marriage the happy place it is. Your H is lucky.
> 
> Willow,
> ...


Thank you Mem, I truly hope so. I don't get much in the way of feedback from him but last night he got angry and went to the spare room because I had gone up to bed before him and was asleep. Resolved by me going to find him at 3am, a brief rant from him followed by a good session of what he had been hoping for! I know it sounds a bit messy but at least it seems there is something at home that he wants - that is a huge step forward from 2 months ago.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

I'm not exactly sure what the OP is looking for either. But if you are looking for people with really tough and often unfixable sex problems in their marriage you might try the I Live in a Sexless Marriage discussion group at Experience Project — Personal Stories about any Life Experience.

The group is huge, more than 10,000 members. Pretty much any questions you have can be answered there.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

To clarify I have things pretty darn good/great but, think things can always improve. I was trying to find out if there may be a more appropriate place to ask questions about (for example: how to get my wife interested in erotica, toys or other fantasies/explorations when others posting are struggling to get sex less more than once a year or are dealing with cheating etc. From the responses this is as good a place as any. 

I guess what I am hearing and internalizing is that there are varying degrees of sex "problems" and readers/posters will need to understand/respect that the guy/lady who is not happy with 5x week for example or really wants to have anal sex is a problem to them just as the person who is sexually starved has a problem that legitimately belongs in this section/forum.

Thanks mem for pointing out the astute/obvouis. Sometimes it is that which is most overlooked. Thanks to others too who contribute to this forum.


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