# if money was tight



## LemonLimeDrop (Jan 20, 2014)

my husband and I got married 4 years ago at the time he lived with his parents. When we got married my parents allowed us to stay at there house to save up some money. He left me after 1 year and moved back to his parents house.( By the way he is 40 and im 27) We were separated for 3 years, on and off trying to work things out. He stayed at his parents house the three years we were separated. Never saved any money, has no savings or any type of future plans or goals. I been home with our 2 kids. My youngest is starting school soon and I am getting a certificate for a career path that im super excited about. So these passed 2 months we been "trying" again, and this weekend he said he wanted to move back in with me, at my parents. My mother already told me that will never happen again. She feels he needs to get his own place at 40. I told him, its not my decision and my parents wont allow it. I told him if he wanted to live with his wife and kids to bust his butt and get us a place. He says he doesn't have the money to move out. He works full time. He works 3 days a week, and has the rest of the time off.

As a MAN at 40 yrs old, if money is tight. would you live with your wifes parents, or would you bust your butt to give your family a home? I feel like he has no motivation to better himself or his life. He wants to live in my parents house forever.
im finally able to start working again, now that my kids are older. And he wants to get me pregnant again. But yet he cant give us a place to live, and complains about money.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Like I said in one of your other threads. He's a lifetime loser. 

And the only reason he wants to get you knocked up again is because it makes you dependent on him again. 

You're a fool if you let him back in your life without him demonstrating a history of proven actions. Like living on his own for a year. Counselling. Stuff like that.

C


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## IGSIMB (Dec 17, 2013)

never in a million years, how come a 25 yr old like myself can have saved up $10.000 and buy a car in a year after college and a 40 year old lives with his mum.. never in a million years i would spend a second with a guy like that


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## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

Do you enjoy being put in these situations? Sometimes we don't realize it, but our dysfunctions keep us in these types of abusive relationships. Forget about him, I think you should talk to a counselor to get a better understanding of why you make the decisions you make. You can't change him, but you can adjust yourself.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

You've been separated longer than you've been together, and you're entertaining the thought of having another child with him? Why on earth would you even consider bringing another innocent child into this mess?

Focus on your career path, get financially independent. And get on some birth control if you continue to be intimate with him. I agree with your parents on this one. Make it a goal for YOU to move out and get your own place for you and your 2 children. 

If he wanted to move out, he would. He's looking for a free ride. Don't give him one please.


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## Shazz1991 (Jul 31, 2011)

Hubby and I live with my mum and her bf - but we're much younger and saving for our own house. It's a small house so we're pretty much on top of each other - but we make it work because it'll be better for us in the longer run. There are some issues - which I might open a thread on.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think this has more to do with you getting your education/career training certificate. Oh, he's thinking about a place of his own all right, but it's on your dime.

I think you should stay with your parents, and enjoy your time with them as you get started on your career and path to your own financial independence (divorce included maybe...) Your parents are probably attached to your kids and vice versa. I don't think you need to be out on your own. Enjoy your family, but listen to your mother. If your H does want to have a relationship, it can be established without comingling finances and without living together. For starts, he could become more responsible to his kids, and pay child support and spend time with them (if you think that's healthy for them.)


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

40 years old and he still cant get his life together, thats sad, this guy is alost cause, he will never get his life figured out. Divorce him, take the kids and tell him if he wants to see the, again he can start paying child support and find a suitable home. If that doesnt motivate him to work more than 3 days a week, which btw isnt "full time", then i dont know what will.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lemon, you have about 6 threads on this topic pretty much. Try to stick to one thread.

Once again, your husband is a man-child. He will probably never change.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

LemonLimeDrop said:


> my husband and I got married 4 years ago at the time he lived with his parents. When we got married my parents allowed us to stay at there house to save up some money. He left me after 1 year and moved back to his parents house.( By the way he is 40 and im 27) We were separated for 3 years, on and off trying to work things out. He stayed at his parents house the three years we were separated. Never saved any money, has no savings or any type of future plans or goals. I been home with our 2 kids. My youngest is starting school soon and I am getting a certificate for a career path that im super excited about. So these passed 2 months we been "trying" again, and this weekend he said he wanted to move back in with me, at my parents. My mother already told me that will never happen again. She feels he needs to get his own place at 40. I told him, its not my decision and my parents wont allow it. I told him if he wanted to live with his wife and kids to bust his butt and get us a place. He says he doesn't have the money to move out. He works full time. He works 3 days a week, and has the rest of the time off.
> 
> As a MAN at 40 yrs old, if money is tight. would you live with your wifes parents, or would you bust your butt to give your family a home? I feel like he has no motivation to better himself or his life. He wants to live in my parents house forever.
> im finally able to start working again, now that my kids are older. And he wants to get me pregnant again. But yet he cant give us a place to live, and complains about money.


DH lived with his parents til he was almost 30.In that time he got a college education,saved nearly every penny he made after he found a job in his field (other than what he gave his parents to keep them from foreclosure),then bought and paid off a car.
I can tell you right now had he done absolutely nothing with his time living at home it would have been the most unattractive thing EVER to me.

Now tell me why is it your husband made it to 40 years old,still living with mom and dad, but has no savings,no career,no skills,NOTHING? How is that even possible?? 

You are 27 years old...you have ONE LIFE and you're throwing it away on a freeloader. What example does this set for your children? Who are they going to look at when it comes time for them to make important choices in their lives? Do you want them looking at this man or do you want them to see you getting out there taking care of business without him??

He's 40 honey.He isn't changing for anyone no matter what. He's comfortable sliding by on the dime of someone else. His parents are enablers who should have kicked his ass to the curb AGES AGO.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> You are 27 years old...you have ONE LIFE and you're throwing it away on a freeloader.


:iagree:


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

You keep starting new threads and keep getting the same answer no matter how you ask the question. The only conclusion I can draw is that you are using these "questions" to avoid doing what you know needs to be done.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

He was 36 and living with his parents when you met him. What did you think you were getting? It's hard enough to find a hard-charging man with traditional values but you're more likely to find a pineapple growing on a fig bush than to find such a man chillin' on his mother's couch at age 36.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

You can't change him but you can create a better life for you and your children. If you get back with this man, you're unlikely to get ahead in life and set a good example for your children. 

If he can't manage his finances whilst living at his mother's house, there's no way he's going to be able to help support his family.

Whatever you do, don't have another child with this man.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

LemonLimeDrop said:


> my husband and I got married 4 years ago at the time he lived with his parents. When we got married my parents allowed us to stay at there house to save up some money. He left me after 1 year and moved back to his parents house.( By the way he is 40 and im 27) We were separated for 3 years, on and off trying to work things out. He stayed at his parents house the three years we were separated. Never saved any money, has no savings or any type of future plans or goals. I been home with our 2 kids. My youngest is starting school soon and I am getting a certificate for a career path that im super excited about. So these passed 2 months we been "trying" again, and this weekend he said he wanted to move back in with me, at my parents. My mother already told me that will never happen again. She feels he needs to get his own place at 40. I told him, its not my decision and my parents wont allow it. I told him if he wanted to live with his wife and kids to bust his butt and get us a place. He says he doesn't have the money to move out. He works full time. He works 3 days a week, and has the rest of the time off.
> 
> As a MAN at 40 yrs old, if money is tight. would you live with your wifes parents, or would you bust your butt to give your family a home? I feel like he has no motivation to better himself or his life. He wants to live in my parents house forever.
> im finally able to start working again, now that my kids are older. And he wants to get me pregnant again. But yet he cant give us a place to live, and complains about money.


LemonLimeDrop I think your asking the wrong question. The right question is should you have chosen him to begin with. He was infact 36-37 living at home with his mom (his mommy to be more acurate). The answer is no. It was no then and it's proven to still be no.


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## Microwavelove (Sep 11, 2013)

At 40 years old this man has no plans to do anything other than what he is doing. Move on.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

When I got married my ex told me that we should rely on her parent's finances (rich girl) I said to hell with that, I have my pride as a man. It turns out some people either have it or they dont, so move on n find a man more worthy of your affection.

I admire women like you, but you deserve so much more
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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