# how many DWs are overweight?



## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

I'm wondering about the correlation between weight and cheating. Is your wife overweight and if so, did she cheat and was it a pa or an EA? If EA, was it over the net or in person? Did an EA turn into a PA?

Likewise if you cheated, is your wife ow?
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## scdmack (Mar 2, 2011)

I'm quite fit. I go to the gym 5-6x a week, I lift, do cardio and eat right. Always have. I've been told I look like a personal trainer, yet my wife had an EA early this last year on me. With a guy that weighs 130 lbs. and doesn't take care of himself. 

She is of avg build. 

Hope this helps with whatever research you are conducting.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I know three women that cheated (all PA's). They are all tall, thin and blonde. Their husbands were just average looking guys. They cheated with other average looking guys.

No correlation between weight and cheating. Like many others have said before it's more complicated than that.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

I am guessing that the difference is weight equals EA.
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## DoveInTheMud (May 25, 2011)

Emotional Trauma is best weight loss program for me!

How can I eat when everything inside of me is churned up? When I lost control over life as I knew it, have been treated like scum, how would I not turn that into part self-punishment and control by withholding food from myself?

Eating provides me with much comfort, but I feel I would not deserve that comfort and I would hate myself more. By starving, I am gaining control, proving the world that I am a beautiful woman, while also indulging in self-damaging behaviour.

When I learned of my husband's cheating 8 years ago, I developed a mild eating disorder and ate way less and went to the gym like crazy. I lost about 40 lb over the course of 4 months.
I realized it was a problem when I looked at the scales and felt dissapointment of nearly having reached my goal weight as this would mean that I would have to slow or stop the controlling, masochistic behaviour.

I recently learned of his wayward ways again a few months and have lost another 10 lb .... less this time because I didn't have a gym membership and we both depend on my job, so I can't afford to be too light headed during the day.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think weight is irrelevant. Both my exH and I were the DS' and we are both in really good shape, before marriage, during marriage, and after marriage.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Sorry dove. Is he still cheating?
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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Geeez DoveintheMud. Virtual hugs your way.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

ClipClop said:


> I'm wondering about the correlation between weight and cheating. Is your wife overweight and if so, did she cheat and was it a pa or an EA? If EA, was it over the net or in person? Did an EA turn into a PA?
> 
> Likewise if you cheated, is your wife ow?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I willing to bet that whatever the national average is for being overweight is what percent of cheating/cheated people are overweight

IOW, I don't think it matters too much


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I wouldn't say "weight" has much to do with it at all. Maybe for some people I guess, however I do think "appearance" does play an important factor. I have seen many "BBW" that are very attractive looking because they have great style, and have some really nice features or just look comfortable in their skin. I have also seen some that call themselves BBW, and while they may put big in B, I wouldn't call them BW.

Now I realize I am being shallow and some of these factors are out of a person's control, but I'm a perfectionist and looks do count (not saying I'm the best looker either) - I just notice EVERY physical flaw a woman has, some flaws make a woman much more approachable to me (I realize I've got some kind of psychological disorder in this regard) some are genuinely interesting, most I can tolerate and some flaws obviously can be repulsive. I made the mistake of having this discussion with my wife when she was prying for info to justify her affairs, even though my W was a little O/W I didn't mind, her stretchmarks are something I dearly love because it reminds me she is the mother of my child, but some of the things that go along with being O/W (bad eating habits, flatulence etc) were severely repulsive and I tried to overlook it but pretty sure she saw through it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

My DW is not over wieght, still very fit(model back in the day) in addition she didn't "affair down", she "affaired younger".
What is the deal with the couger/MILF craze that the young guys have these days. It seem alot more previlent then back in my day.

I'm 45
cheating wife 41


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Porn.
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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Nude, so yes


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

The woman my H had an EA with was pretty chunky...OTH I am in great shape...work out 3 days a week.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I am fit and curvy. 103 pounds and 28EE trim, muscular, only body fat is where it counts. Never withheld, gave H tons of space for his rock and ice climbing and military obligations, spent time with him when he wanted (often on a moment's notice), gave him the benefit of the doubt when it came to him staying 'friends' with his ex's and he still cheated and lied to me.

He is trim but he talks about his poops all the time and has to spend loads of time working out so as not to get fat. He was developing a pudge last time I saw him.
I think his brain is overweight, whatever area has to do with sex.

The primary OW I heard is tall and fat. But that's what he said, so who knows. In his memory, at least she was lanky. The other women he kept on a string are old (we are 47, they are 70!) one he describe as trashy and anything goes the other as frigid. But with him, who knows, could have been the other way around, he's not known for truth-telling. 

Not real sure why he cheated on me. He had everything a guy could want, I wasn't even high maintenace. When I found out he was cheating and lying, I did quit my (Ivy League) contract/telecommute job but still had restraint not to be high maintenance. (I only developed self-esteem recently, seems like his absence had a play in that.) 

He would want me to wear thrift store clothes and not to wear makeup and not to have my hair done. I complied because he seemed to be very insecure if I dressed up at all. I still went to the gym so despite all that was pdh. I look about 30 not 47. He has gray hair (including the nose and ear hair) and he never 'trimmed down there' farted, did not wear underwear, and barely dressed up. Yep, I loved him because he was a decent honest guy. LOL. Without that and without the good trustworthy intimacty (sexual sort), he has nada going for him. I can earn more than he can in half the time, even after brain damage.

I never cheated, never even THOUGHT about it. Did not even look at another guy with any sort of interest in that area of thought until after he slipped it in me unprotected after we'd agreed to always use a condom until he got his vasectomy and was cleared. His loss! Some nice guy's gain.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Mind boggling. His low self esteem lead him there. But his choices, all I can say is desperate.
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I look about 30 not 47. He has gray hair (including the nose and ear hair) and he never 'trimmed down there' farted, did not wear underwear, and barely dressed up. Yep, I loved him because he was a decent honest guy.


I know that wasn't mean to be funny but I :rofl:

Homemaker, you deserve so much better. And keep dressing up hot.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hmmm... My wife was overweight, but aside from her body image / self esteem issues, that had no bearing on my decision to cheat. Eventually, I lost all physical attraction for her, but that happened as a result of the emotional disconnect.

My affair partner was maybe a little overweight, but nowhere close to my wife. 

Oddly enough, if asked I'd say my ideal partner's body type would be petite/athletic. Yet my current GF would still fall into the overweight category, about the same as my wife. Not sure what that says about me.

FWIW, I'd put myself in the slim/athletic category, after losing weight about 2 years ago. That put a dent in my wife's self esteem, which likely contributed to the demise of our marriage. At least, that's my theory.

C
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PBear said:


> Hmmm... My wife was overweight
> 
> My affair partner was maybe a little overweight, but nowhere close to my wife.
> 
> my current GF would still fall into the overweight category, about the same as my wife. Not sure what that says about me.


It says you're chasing the ghost of your wives past.

Kidding.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> It says you're chasing the ghost of your wives past.
> 
> Kidding.


Hmmm. Hope not! . My GF may have the same height and weight as my stbxw (maybe 10 pounds lighter), but that's about where the similarities end, as far as I can tell. The wife was sweat pants, t-shirt, flip flops, coffee server... GF is high heels, business suits, interior decorator...

Ah well... 

C
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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

While I don't think this means much, it's interesting to hear people's stats on this.

My wife (who had an EA) is very pretty, Asian, but stocky. Fit in some areas, but thick around the middle, and certain parts are pretty worn from childbirth, if you know what I mean. When she's "right", she looks really hot. When she's not, she looks chunky. 

I am a foot taller than her (6'2") and weigh 185-190 lbs. That sounds better than it looks. With clothes on, I look quite good. With the shirt off, I look a bit out of shape, but not fat.

The OM is really short, only 5'4", and she likes tall guys. But, he's very fit, buff, muscular. 

She said it was never about that, of course. But she did say that over their 20 year friendship there was a mutual physical attraction at times. They just never "went there" physically.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PBear said:


> Hmmm. Hope not! .


:rofl:

Reminds me of a story: 

Divorce attorney tells his female client: 

"If you ever want to see me again, date someone like your ex."


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Pbear, is it your GF that wants a 3-some?
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

ClipClop said:


> Pbear, is it your GF that wants a 3-some?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes. Why, you volunteering? 

C


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I know that wasn't mean to be funny but I :rofl:
> 
> Homemaker, you deserve so much better. And keep dressing up hot.


I was so involved with NOT judging him for lack of looks or social graces or diction or appropriate conversation/adolescent choices of entertainment, that I guess I overlooked the obvious. It's okay, I didn't give it away for free, though I'm sure I could have earned 11K much more easily doing something else, say, cashiering at the supermarket 5 hours a week for the same amount of time that we've been together. :rofl:

I've become a feminist, against my will.
My grandmother although dead has finally had her way.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

No, Pbear. I'm not into women and I'm not into men who want threesomes. Sorry. I know you aren't commuted so you are free to experiment. Even if I were not, it isn't in my moral code. I would probably enjoy MMF but I couldn't use a 3rd person like that, even if they didn't feel used. I know I would be using them and I can't do that to someone else. The cases where everyone is in a relationship with one another I guess is different but I can't really fathom it. I'm jealous and territorial and insecure. Not 3some material.

Did you choose o/w or was it simply opportunity? And why did she go for a married man? Was she married?

I'm also curious if o/w women are the pursued or the pursuer. Were they trolling or did they simply find opportunity?

I know self esteem factors in. I really want to know if in the age of the internet if o/w women are more prone to EAs than PAs. IOW, is it less likely for these EAs to go PAs because they are afraid to really be known. 

I know in the internet age SAHWs are in danger of EAs and PAs. Often trading down for attention. If the woman had been thin earlier and gained. Ate they mote likely to seek an internet EA? 

How many thin wives start net relationships vs o/w wives.
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

O/w = overweight, right? Not Other Woman?

So to try to answer your questions... I didn't specifically chose overweight. My AP wasn't really what I would consider overweight, but she wouldn't have been considered thin. She was separating at the time we met, and was actively looking. She wasn't specifically looking for a married guy, but that didn't matter to her one way or the other. Although in the end, she decided she needed more than I could give her, as a married man. I have no idea if she traded up or down; I never dwelt on her guy.

For my GF... Even though I know her weight, I would never guess that's what she weighs. She carries it very well, and has incredible fashion sense, which she uses to emphasis what she wants, and de-emphasis what she wants. She was looking for someone when we met. In fact, she had a very clear idea of what she was looking for.

Neither of these two women were SAHM's. My GF has never had kids, my AP had been working full-time for awhile.

Some observations... I believe all three of us have been damaged by being rejected by our spouses. My AP due to her BF refusing together married. My GF and I due to rejected sexual/intimacy advances. I didn't realize how bad I was till I realized I could simply NO take a compliment from my GF without somehow trying to deflect it. However, I would say my wife had by far the worst self esteem out of the four of us. She had always had self esteem issues. As far as the Internet goes, I'm going to say it's simply leveled the playing field between men and women. Women who are unhappy with their relationships can very easily "hang a shingle" and see what kind of interest they get. Heck, this website has any number of sexually unsatisfied , beautiful ladies. And thin beautiful women are just as often rejected by their spouses.

Having said all that, I'll repeat what I've said in the past. Regardless of how bad the marriage is or how often a spouse is rejected, the decision to cheat rests entirely on the cheating spouse. I'm ok with answering questions, although it's obviously based on my personal situations

C
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## I.T. Guy (Oct 7, 2012)

My ex was big. I did cheat, but it wasn't because of the weight.

She belittled me all the time, and I couldn't get her to do anything physically active with me. We argued all the time (at first). By the last few years, no arguing. No talking except for what was needed. Couldn't stand her.

Woman showed up at my office. Told me nice things. I was weak, and fell for it. Not immediately, of course.

I regret it. Should have got a divorce first. Never thought I would do such a despicable thing. Never will again. The O/W was thin, but older, and not that attractive. This was a decade ago. But still, this kind of thing has a long half-life.

if you aren't happy - divorce BEFORE you even find someone else. Don't use someone else as the leverage to leave. 

But still, I'm very, very happy to no longer be married to my ex.


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## Abstract Annie (Sep 13, 2012)

I was o/w when my H started his EA (caught it just before it turned physical, a meeting had been planned), I'd had a baby one week prior. I'm usually quite fit though. The other woman was twice my size, so it had nothing to do with weight.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Used to be a very unhealthy size 2 and 105 lbs at 5'7". Now i am a healthy 148.6 lbs and size 9.. i am still 5'7" lol.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I think personality can account for a lot. Particularly in situations where there is repeated interaction.

My finance's EA, whom he dated before he met me, claimed herself on a social media site that she would like to loose _(sic)_ 50 pounds before she turned 30. My fiancé said that he never found her attractive.

OTOH, he said that he thought I have a hot face and a hot body.


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## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

XW was thin... I am not fat at all - she cheated on my with a complete overweight @$$clown.

Go figure, right? she used to harp on my about my weight, even one day told me that my stomach hung over my belt (which it doesn't even come close) because her head believes what it wants. Thats why I never worried about the guy - there would _never_ be any attraction, right? go figure.
Weight has no correlation to anything. 

WS will do what WS want to do, all sane logic removed.


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