# A Forced Marriage



## snohomish (May 4, 2011)

Hello. I have a huge problem with my marriage and this is the first time I'm speaking about it. I'm in desperate need of help. I feel I should tell my story before I ask my question, so here we go.

I was pushed into my marriage when I was 19 and I'm now 22. I was pushed at a such a young age because I'm from a very religious family. I was not ready to be married and didn't really love my then-boyfriend. He was literally the first boyfriend I'd ever had and we were married 7 months after we first met. (Our 'courtship' last about 4 months.)

I told my parents over and over again that I wasn't ready, but no one really cared. I hold ultimate blame because I could have moved out or done something, but I was terrified. My parents tell me they did this to me because they were scared I was going to have sex before marriage. Bull****!!!!! My then-boyfriend literally lived 500 miles away!!! They told me I was so "horny" because I held his hand and gave him hugs the ONE TIME he came to visit me!!!

My then-boyfriend was not who he said he was. He told me he had a great job and I wouldn't have to work. I have a lot of mental problems and loved the idea of not having to work. He promised he would take care of me.

That was a huge f*cking lie. There was no job. He literally ignored me for the first one and a half years of our marriage. All he did (and continues to do) is play video games. His only aspiration in life is to get on disability. I have to carry everything - work, cleaning, cooking, and very, very basic chores. He won't even go to the car wash.

To a normal person, being responsible for these things may not seem like a big deal. The problem is that I'm mentally ill. I have severe bipolar and am extremely suicidal. I cannot take care of myself, let alone a big fat lazy baby. He lied to me, completely change my life, destroyed my dreams and all I get is a lazy "roommate" who sleeps all day and plays games all night. He barely talks to me, he takes responsibility for nothing and doesn't support me in anyway. 

To make matters worse, my best friend is getting married to a man that I once had strong feelings for. I could have fallen in love with him. He has a great job and when they marry he will support her. She is getting the life I want and will never have.

So my question is this: I want a divorce. Desperately. I fantasize about my freedom every day. I've talked to my husband and he knows how I feel. I know that deep down he loves me, and deep down I love him. But nothing - NOTHING - has changed. And it will NEVER change. 

I just can't take this anymore. I hate my marriage so much I want to die. I can't stand the idea of living this way forever. But the problem is that I know he will kill himself if I leave him. I'm scared to leave him. The one time I tried had terrible consequences. 

What am I supposed to do? Resign myself to this life? Kick him out? Tell him AGAIN I can't stand this? What am I supposed to do??


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## lunalady (Aug 11, 2010)

Hi snohomish, 
I was thinking for a while what to write here, you're in a really difficult position needless to say. I know how hard it can be to deal with bipolar alone (I have to live with it, too), not to mention the problems you are facing.
Your parents, together with your husband who was very deceitful, created the mess you are in. It would have been very hard for you alone to stop the current of events back then, at your age with your experience. 
I think it's time for you to make your life your responsibility, and your priority. Your husband, and what he does with his own life, is not your responsibility. He knew what he was getting you both into, and he probably isn't too happy with things the way they are now, either. I know it will be very hard to detach yourself from him, especially because he's showing suicidal tendencies, but it's essential you get a divorce as soon as possible. Your mental condition alone is hard enough to deal with, please don't get yourself further into problems.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

snohomish said:


> The problem is that I'm mentally ill. I have severe bipolar and am extremely suicidal.
> 
> So my question is this: I want a divorce. Desperately. I fantasize about my freedom every day. I've talked to my husband and he knows how I feel. I know that deep down he loves me, and deep down I love him. But nothing - NOTHING - has changed. And it will NEVER change.
> 
> ...


Are you on medication for your bipolar and suicidal tendencies?

Before you do or say ANYTHING more about divorce, make sure YOU are mentally and emotionally stable--on medication and/or in therapy so you can handle the challenge and stress of possibly ending your marriage.

Your post is chaotic--you know you can't take this, you hate it so much you want to die, yet you know he loves you and you love him, you know HE'll kill himself if you leave, and the consequences the last time were disastrous.

Do you fear he will hurt you if you try to leave?

AFTER you have stabilized yourself emotionally and mentally, you need to make a clear game plan.


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