# Repeated Infidelity



## chickmann (May 29, 2009)

HELP!!!! I am reaching out to all of your for your independent advice. My wife (38) cheated on me with a 27 year old cop she met. When I confronted her on my suspicions she told me they were just friends and that I was controlling and jealous. I suspected an affair when I saw the cell phone bill and saw 1,300 voice minutes back and forth with this guy and 5 pages of text entries. I also found her in the basement at 2:30 am on the phone with him. We went to a counselor and she told the counselor that she was lonely because I don't romance her anymore (even though I told her she was beautiful and that I loved her daily). During this time I got a call from the cop's fiance who hired a PI to have them followed and had "hard proof" of an affair. Our couselor told me not to see this hard proof because it would set back our progress. 

We got passed all that and had a stronger more loving relationship. Eight months later she was online engaging in cyber sex with strange men that after 3 months turned into her meeting a dead stranger at a hotel where they spent 5 hours in a room. Of course, she said they were only talking but he told me they had sex about 5 times during the day. 

Now she wants me to forgive her again but I don't think I can trust her ever again. I have filed for divorce but haven't figured out how to tell the kids yet. 

MY QUESTION...... Has anyone ever successfully repaired their marriage after repeated infidelity? Thanks for your thoughts!!


----------



## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

You're wasting your time and you're a fool to believe that anything will change...

Make an exit plan and get out...you will save yourself a lot of frustration and heart ache in the long run.

Abuse, addiction and adultery are the three biggies when it comes to filing for divorce...

Don't spend another minute wondering what if, what might be, what could be...

Sorry to say but your wife is a skeezer...be done with her.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


----------



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Well they say once a cheater, always a cheater. That may not be true all of the time; but, when it's been demonstrated - you have to believe it. 

My xgf cheated on me twice and at one point (between cheats) I told her that she likes the attention. She agreed. I wish I had bailed at that point but instead lived to have it done to me again. If you want the story, go find my thread in the general discussion area. 

You're not going to get what you want (might even get something that you don't want - an STD!). Quit fighting yourself and bail; don't prolong the pain. And, yes, it will hurt.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

chickmann said:


> MY QUESTION...... Has anyone ever successfully repaired their marriage after repeated infidelity? Thanks for your thoughts!!


Unfortunately its not about repairing the marriage but about her repairing herself. With out serious counseling for her to understand and end this behavior that will never happen. He is taking huge risks with her health and with yours. You gave her multiple chances and she failed. Time to move on.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

:iagree:

She has clearly made some bad choices and turns it around by calling you

controlling
jealous
unromantic
I don't think so. I think she obviously enjoys the excitement of meeting someone new. To be able to sleep with a stranger she met online is scary if she were single, but within the context of marriage and family, she would need some independent counseling to figure out why she is capable of being so reckless. Until she deals with that, I'm afraid your options are limited.


----------



## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

Swedish.

I am shocked this post coming from you.

Why are they bad choices for her could be quite acceptable.

I have stated one the bounds of marriage has been broken all bets are off this is for a woman or man.

Again shocked at your post.

Yes hubby your options are limited as she has the excitement of stangers to make love it. No match for your love in sexual terms.


----------



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Johnamos...I'm surprised at your response to Swedish. I think she's right on. 

The OP's wife was WRONG! And he needs to close her out of his life. Swedish was only stating the obvious. She's a serial cheater. I know of this first hand, too.


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

She is a serial cheater. Divorce her asap. Cancel all joint bank accounts and CCs. No sense in financing her screwing other guys.


----------



## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Johnamos...I'm surprised at your response to Swedish. I think she's right on.
> 
> The OP's wife was WRONG! And he needs to close her out of his life. Swedish was only stating the obvious. She's a serial cheater. I know of this first hand, too.


D,

It was a response to another post where "swedish" feelings everything is rosy and supportive. I simply posted facts although painful.

I agree with the last 2 posts, and while some (stress some) relationships can survive an affair the vast majority is smothering ruins.

Oh but we all must smile.


----------



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Ok, Johnamos...I may have missed something...not trying to cast aspersions!  

Nope, DON'T have to smile. I say what's on my mind...if others don't like my responses, don't ask the questions.


----------



## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

D,

You post very wisely having been reading yours.

Peace.


----------



## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

Your wife has serious issues that come out in the form of infidelity. Let her sort it out. She needs therapy BIGTIME. Meeting a stranger in a hotel room?? Has she no thought for her personal safety. Definitely, problems with her. At the very least separate and she can take the initiative to help herself. If not, divorce seems like the only way to go. HUGS. Take Care of yourself. You deserve better.


----------



## chickmann (May 29, 2009)

I want to thank all of you for your posts. I have filed for divorce but in CT you have to wait 90 days before actually moving forward with the divorce. I reached out to all of you on this website to get good independent thoughts and I did. The only person who knows about this is my mother-in-law and although she was cheated on and it ended in divorce she wants me to stay with her daughter yet again after this last round of cyber sex and meeting a strange man in a hotel. I can't do it. I wish it were day 90 right now..... Thanks again...


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

You're making the right decision. Be prepared for her to freak out. She will most likely promise you anything to give her another chance. She will not want to let her security go without trying to manipulate you into "just one more chance". What kind of wife has sex for 5 hours with a stranger and then comes home with who only knows what kind of STD. She is a real skank. You need to stay strong and bail. Prepare yourself financially and be thankful that you don't have children. We're here to support you. Let us know what happens.


----------



## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

You did the right thing! There are plenty of available women out there who won't treat you like this.


----------



## ImBroken (May 18, 2009)

It dosn't sound like she wants to change. You are making the right decision. Cut all ties with her. Everything is in your favor.
Good Luck. You are not alone.


----------



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yeah, the right thing. Keep on trucking! Get clear...get on with your life. It WILL hurt, it won't be quick. But the sooner you start, the sooner you'll be better. I'm so sorry for your pain!


----------



## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

:iagree:with everything everyone has to say. Just keep posting it helps and everyone is here to help. Stay strong and know this will pass, before you know it you will wake up one day and go what the heck Im FREE


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I am in agreement with the gang, run from her she is toxic.


----------



## chickmann (May 29, 2009)

Thanks again for the additional posts. I do need to stay strong through off of this. We actually do have kids and we need to still tell them about all of this. I am seeing a counselor today to help with this and have a meeting with the school psychiatrist to find out the best way to communicate this. I agree that there is very likely someone out there who is better for me but of course that is hard to imagine right now. Wish I owned a crystal ball.....


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

God bless you mother in law, but the only reason she wants you to stay together is that she doesn't want the cheating daughter with her at home. Can you imagine the triggers that she will be experiencing every time she sees her daughter. Not your problem. Does she work?


----------

