# Husband had affair with Nanny...the Saga continues



## heartysoul (May 21, 2009)

Hi All! Some of you may remember my story. In a nutshell, about 5 months ago I found out my husband was having an EA with our nanny. The day I found out was the last day either one of us has talked to her or seen her. My husband and I have been dealing with the issues straight on and our marriage and family has been getting stronger and stronger. A huge part of the credit goes to a lot of your advise and stories.

Needless to say, today is our 5 year anniversary. It's been haunting me because obviously, although we're doing well, I still am angry and hurt. I dread thinking about the vows we made 5 years ago because right now I feel like they were just a bunch of BS! So, we decided not to celebrate with anything big. (Please keep in mind that before I found out about the affair I was planning a huge celebration party plus a trip to Hawaii for the week. I canceled it all when I was pissed.)

Well, this morning I woke up in a great mood and frisky and I JUST GOT REJECTED! Our physical relationship has been going strong and I can't remember being rejected except when he was having his EA. He had a bad day at work and he told me not to take it personally. At first I didn't, but now I can't help but think did he talk to her yesterday? Is there more to this than just being a bad day? Am I going to be duped again? And yes, I don't want to celebrate but please I'm a girl. I still want a little something to say hey "thanks for marrying me" AND "staying to work this out through all this drama!" etc., etc.

I'm just scared of being hurt again but don't want to keep bringing up the affair. Aaagh.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Did he tell you he had a bad day at work before or after?

You're afraid to believe him. I can understand that. Did he tell you about his day, why it was bad? 

Did you share with him what you've told us here? The things that went through your mind? If not, do so. Let him comfort you. Go to him for that comfort. 

You aren't bringing up the affair, per se. You are telling him what you are thinking. You aren't accusing him of anything. You're just saying how you feel. If he's going to recover his marriage, he has to accept that this is part of the healing process. And you're going to have to allow him to comfort you. He's the only one who can.


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

:iagree:


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## heartysoul (May 21, 2009)

You guys were all right and again really help me stay focused on my own feelings and goals. Dobo, I was thrilled to see your response because you have really been a great support through all this and helping to keep my family together. Our two kids need both of us and I give you guys some of the credit for me being strong enough to handle this.

In fact, he really did have a horrible day and actually brought up the rejection to me first. We were able to talk through it and recognize that we're able to talk about our feelings without feeling judged, which is really nice. He also validated my feelings and said he appreciated that I didn't let myself go too crazy analyzing it. Needless to say, we had an extremely fun anniversary weekend and laughed a lot. I'm proud to say we're doing better everyday.

Thank you all again!


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