# Convection and Lady Convection, Home At Last



## Convection

We put the band back together.

(See this thread for backstory. The tl;dr version is that we were physically, not maritally, separated on and off for almost four years for career reasons, which are done now.) 

My lovely bride and I have been back together permanently for about three weeks. Things are going well. Affection? Check. Laughter? Yeah. Working well together? Pretty much. Sex? Passionate and frequent. We had one unruly argument, which in three weeks is about normal for us.

I get this is the honeymoon phase of a "new" relationship, and that challenges remain. Both of us have already noticed habits the other has picked up in our apart time. Nothing bad, mind you, just things we do differently than from before - which unfortunately, includes how we communicate our thoughts and issues. Sometimes, I think we're talking past each other. We recognize the issue and are working on it. So far, we've been able to talk things out. As we get into the house repairs and renovations, we have a lot of stumbling blocks remaining. We'll work it out, as long as we keep talking to each other.

Just before our journey back from my old duty location to our home in AZ, we had our 16th anniversary. We celebrated by cleaning out my old apartment. I'm such a romantic.  We did have a nice dinner that night and we had a good trip.

Lady Convection is big on Acts of Service. As an artist, she tends to let her art area get - well, she says, "disorganized." I say, "messy enough to get her through the first round of case screenings on Hoarders." So, yesterday, I helped her clean up and organize one of her art stations. It took a good four hours to get all the supplies organized, cleaned, cataloged, and put away and I kept right on working even when she got tired and had to sit for a bit. For the past 24 hours, every time she has walked past the set-up, she stops and smiles, and comments about how great it is to have everything put away and easily findable. When she does, if I can move fast enough, I slip up behind, wrap my arms around her, give her a kiss on the cheek, and whisper that I was happy to help her get it straight. The two times I have done this, she just melted in my arms. These opportunities are pure gold for us, building a love reserve against the hard times.

I'll keep journaling here off and on. Maybe someone will either see our success and benefit or see us making a mistake and avoid the same. Heaven forfend, I may even take a bit of advice.

Otherwise, life is good. Grilled pork chops and homemade cole slaw for dinner.


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## Dredd

Glad to hear things are going well. Keep us updated


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## SimplyAmorous

Convection said:


> *Lady Convection is big on Acts of Service.* As an artist, she tends to let her art area get - well, she says, "disorganized." I say, "messy enough to get her through the first round of case screenings on Hoarders." *So, yesterday, I helped her clean up and organize one of her art stations. It took a good four hours to get all the supplies organized, cleaned, cataloged, and put away and I kept right on working even when she got tired and had to sit for a bit. For the past 24 hours, every time she has walked past the set-up, she stops and smiles, and comments about how great it is to have everything put away and easily findable. When she does, if I can move fast enough, I slip up behind, wrap my arms around her, give her a kiss on the cheek, and whisper that I was happy to help her get it straight. The two times I have done this, she just melted in my arms. These opportunities are pure gold for us, building a love reserve against the hard times.
> *


Those 4 hours of help really filled her Love Tank to overflowing...and she is giving you many returns ... 

You and Lady C's Mid Life Honeymoon is off to a great start ...

With all the home repairs....compromise will be so important here...Both expressing what you want, why you want it...weighing the pros and cons together.. then (hopefully) going forth together ..not one twisting the others arm, or going ahead of each other.. .both feeling heard... this will go a long long way.


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## Convection

Well, here I am.

Today, holds two specific meanings for Lady Convection and I. Twenty years ago today was my first day of active duty in the Air Force. As of today, 1 Jul 2014, I am now officially retired (been on terminal leave since mid-May) and a full free agent. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up but I am tired of being a meteorologist.

Eighteen years ago though today, something else happened. It was my first date with Lady C. I call it a date but really we just talked on the phone well into the night. We knew each other as friends before that but after that night, we were pretty much inseparable. It was only two weeks after that night that she first told me she loved me. She moved in with me a few months later and the rest is history.

Fast forward 18 years.

We're still working on the house. Never ending problems with the contractors trying to screw us and doing substandard work. Life with my son and his family living nearby have been interesting but he has been a big help on dealing with the house (he is 10x more intuitive about construction than I will ever be). It's good to see my granddaughter, she really is awesome. My folks are happy to have me only a few hours away for good now, as the military has kept me more distant for two decades.

Lady C and I? Good, for the most part. The stress of the house has worn on us and we've had a few more fights. We've both been tired and cranky. Plus, after living on your own, especially as you get older, it is hard to readjust to living with someone. We're doing okay with it. Our sex life has been on a sine wave; we go through a few days of awesome connection and then a week or more of nothing. Basic intimacy (hugs, kisses, hand holding) has not suffered. I know I need to keep trying to make that intimate connection, even when both of us are worn out and not in the mood. Lady C tells me to just make my move when I want some and she will respond but I can see much of the time that she is exhausted and I hate to put that on her - or worse, have her do it from obligation. I am probably handling it wrong but if it goes on too long, she'll say something more direct. Shrug. These times happen and they will get better.

My mind has been a little blank for the last few days, just dealing with the effects of the stress. Lady C noticed and told me I am not smiling as much. Neither of us is laughing like we normally do, either. We're going out of town for the weekend to see some family, so maybe that will be a good break to get away from the trouble here. We're also going for a long walk this morning and I am going to forbid any house talk during the walk, just to see if we can get us laughing again.

I know the house troubles will pass ... that's just life. I actually feel better just journaling about it here. We're fine, just working through things. I'll update again soon.


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## Coffee Amore

We did a major remodel of our house about nine years ago. It took 5 months to finish everything. I never want to go through that again. 

I love the quote in bold (She and I are in this together, no matter what happens...two against the world...). That's how I feel about my marriage too. We're a team. Us against the world.

Your post reminds me of the lyrics from Shania Twain's song "You're Still The One..."

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen 
Look at what we would be missin'

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong


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## Convection

Thank you, CoffeeA. That's been our motto for some time now.

And Lady C likes that song.


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## skype

Glad things are going well on the home front. The jet stream is sure to bring highs and lows, but you two seem to have figured out how to communicate effectively, and you care about each other's needs, so I forecast clear skies ahead. 

My attempt at meteorological humor sucks, but I do enjoy reading your story.


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## Cynthia

Convection said:


> Well, here I am.
> 
> Our sex life has been on a sine wave; we go through a few days of awesome connection and then a week or more of nothing. Basic intimacy (hugs, kisses, hand holding) has not suffered. I know I need to keep trying to make that intimate connection, even when both of us are worn out and not in the mood. Lady C tells me to just make my move when I want some and she will respond but I can see much of the time that she is exhausted and I hate to put that on her - or worse, have her do it from obligation. I am probably handling it wrong but if it goes on too long, she'll say something more direct. Shrug. These times happen and they will get better.


If she is telling you to make a move on her, then make that a priority. It doesn't have to be at night. We make time for what is important to us.


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## SimplyAmorous

Convection said:


> Thank you, CoffeeA. That's been our motto for some time now.
> 
> *And Lady C likes that song*.


A classic...When I hear this on the radio, I turn it up full blast and sing my heart out, if he's there beside me...I grab his hand, give him a ...I think he'd like me to lower the volume just a little...but he puts up with me ...it's a great song..floods you with memories..



> * Convection said*: We've both been tired and cranky. *Plus, after living on your own, especially as you get older, it is hard to readjust to living with someone*. We're doing okay with it. Our sex life has been on a sine wave; we go through a few days of awesome connection and then a week or more of nothing. Basic intimacy (hugs, kisses, hand holding) has not suffered. I know I need to keep trying to make that intimate connection, even when both of us are worn out and not in the mood. Lady C tells me to just make my move when I want some and she will respond but I can see much of the time that she is exhausted and I hate to put that on her - or worse, have her do it from obligation. I am probably handling it wrong but if it goes on too long, she'll say something more direct. Shrug. These times happen and they will get better.


Reading your story puts a new spin on what it must be like for those living apart for long periods of time, you get into habits and a way of life...it really is a Re-adjustment that needs worked at..even these things that you'd think would come naturally.. you'd be so excited the duration is over, finally I am HOME with my love... 

The biggest contractor Job we ever had...was knocking out a wall where our steps were to the upstairs .. opening it up... adding spindles to the steps .. and a spindled banister upstairs with 2 windows on top of each other for more light to shine down in our kitchen...









Not paying attention when they were working upstairs..(but how could I).... I was dismayed how much higher the banister was when they finished...(new guidelines)....I couldn't sleep that night ...just didn't like how it looked.... the contractor would have charged us another $100 to cut it back......so we decided to tackle it on our own ...we did fine.. (took a couple hours)...

I liked the original height... Us women can be so particular...

So when will all this contracting be done and your house all back to yourselves ? this will surely have you on less "edge" -it can be stressful - I am sure. I've heard so many stories to not build a house together..." DANGER.. it can cause divorce !"


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## Forest

We built a new house on our farm 5 years ago. This was near a small town in the area I grew up and I used a carpenter (David) that I also grew up with. He was the boss, I was the helper. I self contracted all the concrete, electrical, HVAC, plumbing and drywall. David and I did all the rest. Best year of my life. Lived in a camping trailer.

For me, the key was the small town. The local lumber yard was/is the best in the world to deal with. Thru my carpenter, I was able to get contacts with the best guys around for all the work. In a small town, these men live by their reputations, and wouldn't be around long if they weren't good. I never signed a single contract, and also never had a single problem.

I guess what I'm getting at is to find someone you trust, hopefully at a smaller lumber yard, and get recommendations in a chain reaction.

And don't forget Youtube. You can learn to build or fix anything there!


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## SimplyAmorous

Forest said:


> *And don't forget Youtube. You can learn to build or fix anything there!*


Had to laugh reading this... anything our oldest son tackles these days.. he tells me he learned it on You Tube....

"You Tube Mom, don't you know!...EVERYTHING is on there !" he'll say.


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## Convection

I agree, this rebuilding effort has been the biggest challenge we have ever had in our marriage, including months of separation from my military service. We're still here plugging along. Some days are better than others. Both Lady C and I hope we never have to deal with another contractor for the remainder of our long lives.

But that's life, right. Even though the house is a mess, things between us are good right now, so I am going to enjoy it. No telling what tomorrow brings.


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## Convection

I'm still here, stumbling around in the night.

We finally got things settled with the contractor and got him out of our lives. One of the sub-contractors is being an ass about things but it's under control. Now I just have to pay these chumps from our insurance settlement and never see them again. House work is still proceeding but now my son and I are doing the rest of the work, or contracting a few things directly. I hope we will move back in at the end of Sep (and we better, since our rental lease is up) and finish up the last projects while we huddle in the one finished bedroom. 

Lady Convection and I are doing pretty well. Stressed, tired, worried about the rebuilding, etc, etc. We were fighting a lot for a while there and it ended about the last time I posted on this thread. I had a mild episode - basically a seizure and blacked out, scaring the hell out of her. A quick ER visit followed. Blood work, MRI, etc, came back clean. The doctor chalked it up to stress and flu, which I had (I was on the way to the bathroom to lose my lunch when my brain had a BSOD and had to reboot, resulting in me hitting the floor).

Since then, things have been better. Aside from not wanting to get stressed and risk a recurrence (there has been none), I am also tired of arguing with her. So pretty much, I have been working to defuse arguments before they even start. Whenever I feel something getting contentious, I stop, take a deep breath, and ask myself if it's going to matter if I don't fight. For someone with a quick temper and who is worn and stressed, it's difficult but getting easier. Lady C recognizes it and says I have only raised my voice a few times since my blackout. We've still had some sharp disagreements but fewer of them and there seems to be less tension, even with the house troubles.

On top of that, Lady C has pain management issues (stem from a succession of car accidents from years ago, which she never 100% recovered from) and those issues have been flaring up a lot more this summer, which is normal; heat and more activity results in more muscle swelling and pain. I try to mitigate it as much as possible, by doing things for her and letting her rest when necessary. It does impact our sex life, which fluctuates based on how she's feeling. Some weeks are better than others (this last week was very good). I need to get her back to a pain management specialist ... Lady C is just the worst at taking care of herself medically but she'll go if I prod her enough.

So any success to report? Other than my ongoing struggle with my temper (which is a "two-steps-forward, one-step-back" challenge), I guess it is just a normal marriage. It's full of stress and struggle but we still make each other happy.

In the end, that's what matters to us.


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## Cynthia

I was in a car accident years ago that I never fully recovered from. A couple of years ago I read a book called Pain Free and did the exercises in it. I wrote about it here: Pain Free, by Pete Egoscue: A Review | The Feminine Review: Homemaking, Family and the World
It might help you wife. My injuries were about 30 years old and it made a huge difference for me.


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## Convection

Thank you, I will check that out!


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