# Social media and marriage



## MZMEE (Apr 17, 2018)

*How is social media affecting your marriage/relationship?​*
All in all we are good with social media. Neither of us are overly active (we are both over 40). But one thing annoys me about my husband. Anytime I get on FB he always (well most of the time) makes it a point to say "were you on FB" or "I saw you were on FB". It makes me feel like he is "clocking me" or something. I think he thinks I am doing something. I have told him a zillion times I use FB mainly as a news paper. Just reading the news feed and liking what I like. But I don't have conversations with people. It is annoying more than anything because I don't understand why he feels he needs to mention it to me all the time. You see I am on...why mention it? What? You think I will lie about it?

So this made me ask the question above. I just want to see how social media affects others.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

We both use social media with no issues.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Is he on FB too or no?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

And so it continues ... Your husband doesn't trust you. From the first time you posted here, you have made that clear. 

Call it paranoia, some unresolved issues, or whatever. Why do you stay with someone like this?


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I see several problems. Social media has made it easier for married people to form emotional attachments to members of the opposite sex. This forum and many others are filled with such stories. It also seems to be the cause of friction such as asking why your husband has so many girls following him or why someone posted pictures of him with another woman just hanging out. Then there are those who just out and out use it for cheating. No paucity of those kind of stories.

I tried the various forms of social media, but all I got was the boring details of everyone's life, things they found funny but I did not, information that had no relevance to me, pictures of everyone's kids who are all geniuses and everything they do is so cute and smart. I found myself reading and looking at things with only a few things of interest. Then the arguments should someone disagree with what you say. I deleted all of my accounts and life has been much better. If it is important, I will hear about it from other sources.

The sad part is that both men and women can prey on those who are unhappy with their relationships at the time. They lend a shoulder to cry on and always offer support and agreement. The problem is that often there are ulterior motives there and therein lies the problem. Sharing emotions online and getting support from those who really only know one side of the story, can end up causing problems.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MZMEE said:


> *How is social media affecting your marriage/relationship?​*
> All in all we are good with social media. Neither of us are overly active (we are both over 40). But one thing annoys me about my husband. Anytime I get on FB he always (well most of the time) makes it a point to say "were you on FB" or "I saw you were on FB". It makes me feel like he is "clocking me" or something. I think he thinks I am doing something. I have told him a zillion times I use FB mainly as a news paper. Just reading the news feed and liking what I like. But I don't have conversations with people. It is annoying more than anything because I don't understand why he feels he needs to mention it to me all the time. You see I am on...why mention it? What? You think I will lie about it?
> 
> So this made me ask the question above. I just want to see how social media affects others.


I haven't read your other posts. Has there been cheating in your relationship or in either of your histories?

How long have you been married? Is this your first marriage or his?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. Mrs. Conan and I both do social media and she is a little insecure and more jealous than I. She has full access to my accounts and checks up on me with regularity.

It is a little stifling but I really love her so it is what it is.

She even worries about me hooking up with the hot babes of TAM! LOL! 

I'm strictly monogamous and have given her no worries since our first year of dating but she has a hard time letting go of negative feelings.

Her first and second marriages were filled with deceit, pain and infidelity from both her and her husbands.

We are close to our 23rd anniversary with nearly 27 years together and she still feels what she feels.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

My wife is on FB constantly. Its her looking glass into the world I guess. I post stuff like family pics and vacations and such. But I probably spend 20 mins total a week updating my page and seeing my "friends". 

And yes, I did check hers to see if the OM was on FB. He was not. But I didn't announce to my wife that I do keep a sideways glance all the time.....

The APP that my BIL got caught with was WhatsAPP. His AP was using it at home and her husband caught her. Then the husband came after the BIL... lol 

But, most people around agree that WA is the APP that cheaters use.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

We both use it with no issues. I'm more active on it than he is though.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I love social media, but for me it's about research and making connections with others who share my quirky interests.

I don't think I've ever posted about private or family things, though I do have photo albums of my children.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Shoot, i haven't logged into facebook in... months now. 

I keep forgetting facebook exists.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

For someone with good boundaries, common sense, and a life outside the internet, social media is not typically a problem.

When it becomes a problem, it's about the person using it, not the program/object itself.


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## Texican (Jan 11, 2012)

I have never been on facebook or twitter or any thing other than internet....

Wife does facebook to keep up with folks.

I think it is a good thing. We have been married near to 37 year so maybe it is just us.

People make fun of us for calling it a car phone....


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

We both don’t do FB, it’s not that we don’t trust each other. Wife was stalked IRL, in pre internet days, and just didn’t want put her/us out there. 

I’ve been known to occasionally share a picture of my dinner on Instagram, it’s no big deal.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

My husband doesn't do them, he isn't interested. I use facebook just for family and those close friends I know very well. In fact most of my good friends aren't on it. He never checks what I am doing.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

We are both are FB users. G does it for readying and the market place. I use it for staying in touch with family and old friends. I don’t talk about my life with old friends however. Normal just a like here and there. I asked him to get rid of old girlfriends and he said no problem, it was only one lol. 

I am on this site and G knows about it and can read what I post.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

It is the biggest part of why we are separated. As he ignored me and our marriage and spent all his time on FB, we tried to save the marriage to no avail we are in the process of divorce now.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Interesting of you to post this because we were just having this discussion today!!! How weird is that? 

When my husband and I got married we were early fourties and he had never been married. He is gorgeous (IMO) and a nice guy, no kids, works hard, so he had dated a lot...broke a lot of hearts...because he knew what he wanted and had no intention of settling. So some women"left behind pining" definitely happened. When we first started dating he got A LOT of texts from girls, but he immediately told them all he was dating someone now. They dwindled fast and went away. We fell in love pretty fast and very deep. Complete commitment was nearly instantaneous.

I looked at his friends list on FB and it is very heavily women. Not to mention some of them he has had sex with. He seems totally oblivious about it, and doesn't seem to care about anybody on there other than a few HS guy friends. How do I feel about his friends list? I don't like it. I said so. He immediately said not a problem, and that he has been intending to cut who he has on there down to basically nothing. He literally never posts, he only reads the news feed. 

Do I have something to worry about? I don't think so, but if it makes me uncomfortable, I am very happy that he immediately said he will remove anyone and everyone I don't want on there. He said would even close it, that it is irrelevant to him. 

In blatant honesty I do want him to remove most of the women. I told him so (I speak very frank, as all my friends on here know lol). At any time one of them could IM him and who knows! At the same time, I don't want to police him, as I don't have a reason too. He deserves to have his FB and use it appropriately as it appears he always does. Just like I do. And yes, I've checked. We both have full access to each other's devices and all passwords. Anyone can sneak. Anyone can also screw up. 

TAM has made me parinoid no doubt about it, but it has also made me so much smarter and aware. I enjoy social media, and think it is a big part of staying in touch with my friends and family all over the world. I also know it can be extremely dangerous, and I have random men trying to IM me every day. So if a person wanted to sext or have an EA it would be insanely easy. Not cool.

So that is my answer...


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

A couple months ago I ended a six-month relationship with a guy who was cheating on me with his 'best friend' who was married. After the breakup I was able to connect a lot of dots, one of which was that I found out that they were communicating via Messenger without being Facebook friends. By communicating on Messenger, the OW was leaving no trace on her phone bill, and she could deny that she is communicating with my ex on Messenger because, Hey, they aren't even Facebook friends! I also noticed that some of her Facebook posts were public, and these posts were directed at my ex; he could read them without being on her friends' list. She used social media (in this case Facebook) to carry her affair without leaving a trace on the phone bill.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

coquille said:


> A couple months ago I ended a six-month relationship with a guy who was cheating on me with his 'best friend' who was married. After the breakup I was able to connect a lot of dots, one of which was that I found out that they were communicating via Messenger without being Facebook friends. By communicating on Messenger, the OW was leaving no trace on her phone bill, and she could deny that she is communicating with my ex on Messenger because, Hey, they aren't even Facebook friends! I also noticed that some of her Facebook posts were public, and these posts were directed at my ex; he could read them without being on her friends' list. She used social media (in this case Facebook) to carry her affair without leaving a trace on the phone bill.


I hope you told her husband.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

We both use social media (me quite a lot) and we both have access to each other’s accounts and passwords. I have gone through her accounts and she is aware of it (and sometimes not happy about). I’m not sure if she has gone through my accounts, but I don’t really care if she does. There is nothing to hide.


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

The Middleman said:


> I hope you told her husband.


I did. He didn't believe me and accused me of so many bad things.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

coquille said:


> I did. He didn't believe me and accused me of so many bad things.


Regardless, you did the right thing. If you had proof you should have sent it to him. I pity that fool.


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

The Middleman said:


> Regardless, you did the right thing. If you had proof you should have sent it to him. I pity that fool.


I did not have proof. I found out about their way of communication in retrospect, after I dumped my ex. I suspected that they were using something other than text messaging for their communication, and I thought about Messenger, because my ex was so secretive about his Facebook account. He even had fingerprint identification to access his phone, so nobody other than him can have access to that phone. 

After the breakup I went to check the OW's FB account and everything she had posted publicly made sense to me then. Today after I posted in this thread I went to check her FB page: She changed the privacy and NOTHING shows up now. She either went underground with my ex, or her H found some traces of her affair.


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