# All i can say is holy crap! Please help me!



## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well this is going to be quite long winded so please be prepared im 34 my wife is 24 we met when i was 30 she was 18 we have had a great relationship up until this point or so i thought we have a son who is the most precious thing in the world he just has that aroa about him that make everyone glow hes going to be 4 in december he is autistic and at tines this has been very difficult for both my wife and i to deal with not that we dont love our son but we dont quite understand what is going on with him we have always had a hard time talking in our relationship about anything we have been married for almost 3 years and would have celebrated our wedding aniversary on april 11th we have had our ups and down we fight just like any couple its never been phsycical no drugs no booze anything like that my wife has had two misscarriages in our realtionship one most recently withen the last 6 monthes we found this to be very hard on us as a couple we still havent been able to talk about it yet and still refer to it as "our other issue" we cant even use the word misscarrige in conversation she was very happy when we found out we were going to have another child we were scared agian just like any parents would be nothing out of the ordinary we were so happy about it started shopping for new baby things clothes etc etc... and then she lost the baby i saw a change in her that was not like my wife she turned into a monster we had gone on vacation in july had a great time got a strange call from some guy asking if she was single i was like wtf??? i asked about it was tols he was just a friend and let it slide but always kept it in the back of my mind fast forward to present day she moved out of the house about a month ago says she wants a divorce and has been staying at my sisters house and hits guy has been there everynight and i know hes been sleeping over she denys everything has been lying to me constatly and has been callous and cold come to think of it has kinda been that way since the phone call in july i know whats going on with this guy i have good reason to believe they are sleeping together but what the hell happened here? she just dropped everything like a hot potato and ran like hell i also have reason to believe that they may have been at least if not talking seeing each other on some level before my wife left in september i pay very close atteintion to everything what i want to do is get my wife back i know she cheated she wont admit it but my gut tells me so i want my son to not groww up in a broken home and i really do love my wifr i think alot of what is going on right now may be PPD anyone out there lend a hand and help me please!!!


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

you ask "what the hell happened here"...she changed 100% in your eyes...but did she really??? her emtional development includes marriage at 18 and losing a baby at what, 21 yrs of age??? individual counseling would do her wonders...the new guy might be an emotional band aid...you're not giving her something emotionally...figure out what that is, and give it to her...sound simple??? it's not, but is it worth the effort?? i hope so...


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

voivod said:


> you ask "what the hell happened here"...she changed 100% in your eyes...but did she really??? her emtional development includes marriage at 18 and losing a baby at what, 21 yrs of age??? individual counseling would do her wonders...the new guy might be an emotional band aid...you're not giving her something emotionally...figure out what that is, and give it to her...sound simple??? it's not, but is it worth the effort?? i hope so...



:iagree:

draconis


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

actually she just lost the baby recently at 24 about 6 monthes ago and yes i know i need to be more emotional i admit that and show her more support in that asspect i agree with everything you guys are saying i admit im wrong in some areas and this may be why things took the road they did


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

and sorry just to correct the situation so we arent all lost we dint get married untill she was 21 but yes i also agree with what you are saying jsut didnt want anyone to be cunfused about what i was trying to relay thanks for your insight


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

It does something to a woman when they lose a baby. It is inside her, so she is more emotional about it than a man would be. 
She also is having a hard time dealing with your son being like he is, but you and her have to know that your child could have so much more wrong with him, so you have to count your blessings there.
I do hope that you both can talk about your marriage together. She needs to talk more to get all the stress and pain out of her, then she can start to heal and feel better and work on her marriage. I do hope the best for you. Good luck with everything !


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

hi everyone thanks for your replies i was about to send my wife this email i wrote and wanted to ask everyones opinion about it i dont want it to sound to forward so would you guys please read it and let me know what you think?? i wont send it till i have some views on it....I was just here thinking and as a friend wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you as a person. and to let you know you've made me a better person because of the way you are. you have always been so caring and giving of yourself. and because of those qualities in you, you have shown me its okay to fix a computer for free, help an elderly person when needed, pull over to the side of the road and assist someone that was broken down in a car. and do all this and not expect anything in return. people would always say to me how can I repay you for what you have done to help? and because of your good qualities and your unselfishness the only thing I would say to these folks was you want to repay me?? please help someone else when they need your help that's how you can thank me for what I have done for you. all these things I would have never done out of that fact that I was shy and selfish before I met you. you opened up a part of my personality I never knew was there. and I just wanted to thank you for making me a better person by learning from your good qualities. 

your friend

name left out


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

That was nice, but actons always speak better than words do. It is always nice to write your feeling down, but it has to come through in your action towards her. If you want to send the email to her, I don't think it will hurt any thing by doing so. Good luck to you !


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

I was sitting here thinking and realized alot. its not how many times you say I love you its how you express it.

I have some ideas and wanted to know what you guys think. even though my wife isn't living with me right now she still is my wife and I have to show her even more now that I care than I did before. I thought about getting her a pass to a day spa so she could relax get her nails done. get a massage and leaving a note with the pass just letting her know I appreciate how she gives so much of herself on a daily basis to everyone and expects nothing in return, but in the note letting her know how much I love her endearing quality and just wanted to thank her for it in a special way.

idea 2 thought of buying a statue of an eagle and leaving a note with it saying "with you by my side I can spread my wings and fly higher than any mountain top thank you for who you are"

I just realized women need to know their loved not told,although its nice to hear someone say it on occasion. you have to show them you care. I could tell someone the moon was made of cheese but all their lives they have been told otherwise. if I could show you the moon was made of cheese and break off a piece for you that would be easier to believe than just telling you wouldn't it? let me explain what I mean by the moon cheese analogy.....take a rat for instance you have four tunnels and a piece of cheese, and you want to teach the rat to go down the tunnel with the cheese. so you place the cheese in tunnel number 4 and at first you have to prod the rat in the direction of the tunnel with the cheese in it. eventually he will go down the tunnel with the cheese. do this a couple of times with the rat then take the cheese away...which tunnel do you think that rat is going to go down the next time he's placed inside that box? why tunnel 4 of course!!!! why because that's the only thing he knows or has been tought.we program ourselves to become who we are based on things we have done in the past.we have to understand and except that change is okay.and that every relationship is different...don't ever base your currant relationship on your past ones. why you ask?? because if you failed in your relationships in the past..what do you think is going to happen this time around? it takes more than asking them what they want, they answer and you buy it for them its not the same thing as putting thought into it .example...would you like to buy a movie with your favorite actor in it??of course they are going to say yes!! that would be great! so you buy the film go home and watch it and have a great time doing so! ,but its not going to mean the same thing as if I had bought it.and left a note with it saying I was thinking of you.how much you enjoy watching films with your favorite actor in them.and wanted to say thank you for being who you are.

moral to the story?? either way she is going to enjoy them film, but how much more do you think she is going to enjoy that film every time she watches it knowing that it came from you with a thought and a smile? kind of very ironic in a way isn't it? its all about thought,emotion,time well spent,and dedication to your relationship. I think tonight I myself have seen the light at the end of a very dark tunnel!!

i am very sorry for such a long post this evening but I had some issues with myself I needed to come to grips with and a place to place my thoughts.... thank you guys for all your help! and I look forward to your replies..

CPT CONFUSED


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I cannot think of a better combination than appreciating the good your wife has brought to you as a person and truly appreciating her for the person she is and you seem to have a great handle on both...my best to you. I hope your wife comes around and sees all you have to offer.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well let me bring you all up to date here today i went to pick up my son for school like i always do every morning well today when i picked him up me and my wife got to talking and everything was going fine so i had remembered my wife saying not too long ago she had wanted to join the gym so as an idea i suggested it this morning and offered to pay for it things were going very well till my wife went to grab my sons jacket out of her bedroom and i noticed mans pants on the floor with boxer shorts still inside of them now tell me something why on earth would there need to be mans pants on my wifes bedroom floor if nothing was going on like she claims? so i bit my tongue and didnt even bring it up we drove to the gym signed up memberships and then i offered to take her to breakfast she accpeted and we drove along talking and grabbed something to eat we talked a little bit about our currant living situations and how since weve been apart money seems more tight we also talked a little about our marriage and how i was reading that thier are alot more people going through divorce in much stronger situations than us and more or less agreed with each other that we would put of our divorce and see where things happen to go from here. as we were driving my wife took the wrapper off of her straw for her drink and blow it at me we threw a few pieces of paper that i had in my car arouns at each other and laughed she then reached into the cd folder i have in my car and pulled out a cd and played now mind i have about 300 hundred cds in my car the one she chose just happened to have our weeding song on it and she played it. she didnt say anything just listened to the song?? what i cant seem to figure out this moring is why on earth out of having so many cds to chose from why she would pick this one and play it know that she might get some type of reaction from me? i said nothing ii just kept driving and didnt let it bother me we still talked and everything is still okay at this point as a matter of fact im going over there later to pick her up and drop her off at work. someone please help! what do i do now? just let it ride and have her fall on her face with this guy? or try like hell to get her home?

"you can not tell someone how to feel you have to let them fall........before you can pick them back up"

"people will always tell you the grass is greener on the other side of the the fence.... i say let them jump..... the only reason the neighbors lawn looks so much greener is because he has alot of dogs he lets fertilize it"


CPT CONFUSED


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

What can the love in my soul be compared to another wonderful soul which is so far and yet so close of my self? 
What can this symbiosis between two souls can be? 
What can love be when you feel you cannot sleep at night, that every drop of dew becomes a crystal in your heart, when every breeze of wind has magical meanings? 
What can love be when you feel that you want nothing more in this world that to be with the soul you love? 
But what can love be in other transcendental realities? What about our souls? 
Are our souls a waterfall, a true Niagara or a smile, a flirt of an angel? Are our souls a mere mood of a fairy or a lightening in a summer rain?
Our souls could be all of this and much more. But what really happens in that transcendental reality when we feel we are truly in love, that we love so much that it hurts? That the air in the room is unbreathable, that the sentimental, spiritual or physical distances kill us? What happens when dawn find us sadder than ever, looking for an excuse or an argument for the person we love so much, our Great Love? What are all these? What are the looks lost in the desert horizons of unfulfilment or those in the eyes that deeply loose each other in the others inside the souls?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Do you know what type of autism your son has?

Have you and your wife talked about what might be going wrong or what is on her mind lately?

draconis


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

my son is regressive ASD and no my wife has not really spoken to me about it i am a very positive person and tend to think my glass is half full as opposed to half empty so i myself had a very hard time dealing with his disorder and always hoping that there was a chance things would be okay with him also i dont think her recent miscarriage helped at all in the situation she is not really acting like herself latley she went right from being so excited about us having a new baby before the misscarrige to all of a sudden leaving saying she wanted a divorce to in the arms of another man whom she spends just about every day with at this point?? i know i should have been more supportive of her and her needs when these things happened but i became very selfish and tried to sort out the way i was feeling about what was going on with the misscarriage and our sons currant condition so i am to blame for that i just dont understand where this other chap comes into to play??


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well just wanted to keep everyone up to date on whats going on here my wife called me the other day and asked if i wanted to have coffee and go to the gym? something i had metioned us doing like 2 weeks ago i was kind of taking back by this and said sure that would be nice so we went and had a great time i spoke nothing about our situation just enjoyed her company and had a great time although i hurt like an SOB inside right now im not about to show her that im going to show her im happy hell i even thanked her for leaving me lol she asked why i said because it gave me time by myself to see the person i was and what i needed to change for me keyword here what i needed to change for "ME" i think she might see something in me she hasnt seen in a while some confidence and to be honest i think she liked it its so hard playing face but i know the only feelings that matter right now are hers until i can open that line of comunication with her things may not be as bad as i thought? well see ill keep you guys posted thanks for all your help guys!


THE CPT


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Is that a picture of your son? If so, you have one little angel there. Very beautiful child.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

CPT CONFUSED said:


> hell i even thanked her for leaving me lol she asked why i said because it gave me time by myself to see the person i was and what i needed to change for me keyword here what i needed to change for "ME"
> THE CPT


BINGO!!!!

tell me she's not gonna think about that...

the phrase that i've found effective is:

"i agree, i think YOU made the right decision (separation, whatever) for YOU...but i care too much to let ME not try to save US...so please don't be offended if I take steps to repair those things that YOU have identified as problems in OUR relationship...I want YOU to have the best ME I can give YOU."

good luck!

throw a prayer in once in awhile...God listens...and helps those that helps themselves!


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

and to aswer your question honey yes that is my sweet little angel riley who is going to be 4 in december hes my whole world!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I know we have talked so much through PMs, but I wanted to say that I think that it is great that you are working to make yourself a better person.

Your son is an angel.

draconis


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

your son is something else!

question: you have done nothing wrong, right? i remember you saying no booze, no drugs, no adultery, right? have you figured out the "me" connection to her going south yet? did you ask "what did i do?" this may confuse her, but you need to know what her feelings are on why she is where she's at.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

yup i sure do there was no emotional attachment from me and no comunication on any level about anything serious we needed to discuss i just kinda closed myself out to everything and no there was no booze druga adultry anything like that ive always been 100% dedicated to my wife in those regards i saw her today and it looked like she may have been crying a little bit you know how when woman wear eye makeup and the get the racoon eyes if they cry but strange thing is it wasnt from me i think she may be fighting with the boyfriend she asked if we could go for coffee tomarrow? hummm just have to see what happens i guess? hope is all i have right now !


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

you gotta find out why she chose another man to attach to. therein lies the answer to saving your marriage. you won't know what of you you need to work on until you know the answer to that. and understand, women will give the answer that thety think will end conflict, so be careful not to accept the first words out of her mouth. use phrases like "are you saying..." when replying to her answers. she may say ther reason she chose another man was because you don't communicate. "are you saying that i don't listen very well?" get a yes from her and you are done. it doesn't need to be an inquisition. if she says NO then ask another question pertaining to her answer. "are you saying i spend to much time trying to give you a solution rather than letting you just tell me about your issues?" you'll know the questions. just re-phrase what she has said and repeat it back to her in the form of a question. then guess what? YOU'RE COMMUNICATING!!!

good luck, and i mean that!


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

CPT CONFUSED said:


> and to aswer your question honey yes that is my sweet little angel riley who is going to be 4 in december hes my whole world!


Nice name, and I feel the same way you do about my kids too.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well guys heres the scoop you know how they say its not over till the fat lady sings? right now she has not even cleared her throat! today coffee with my wife went awesome! we talked and got most of our problems out in the open and now i know why she left and went south so here is what she said to me..

1)our biggest problem guess what NO COMUNICATION! shocker there

2) no emotion from me during difficult times i also agree to that

3)lack of quality time with our son she felt my job always came first im in retail management and yes i agree with her here also

4) no passion behind closed doors yup she right here also

5) and i never felt like i included her with regards to our finances and purchases for our home

well i think shes got me pegged all the way around knew all this right after she left and i began to think about everything

i did try to put my arm on her waist today and she did pull back away but thats okay because its been well over a month since we even came well withen 5 feet of each other but she said to me today you know why i had coffee with you the other day and went to the gym dont you? and why i also had coffee with you today too? i knew but i said no why?? she said because ive begun to see a change in you so things look pretty promising right now all i can do is keep on trucking! thanks for all your help everyone you all have been my rock to lean on id be so lost right now if you guys had not grounded me properly tommarow is a new day! i did ask her if she wanted to go to new hampshire for a drive next week sometime it was something we used to do every sunday and she said maybe so i will keep my fingers crossed! and i will keep you guys informed:smthumbup:


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

hey just wanted to let you all know i just found a cinema about 30 minutes from my house showing the movie "FIREPROOF" so im going to go tommarow after i get home from work by myself gonna head to the movie headstrong and with an open mind maybe it will teach me something about myself i dont know about? look like it could be rewarding! 

see ya all soon!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Look at joining a poety club, get up there and speak with thought and emotion.

Start to take you son out, and spend atleast 2 hours a day with him.



draconis


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

draconis said:


> Look at joining a poety club, get up there and speak with thought and emotion.
> 
> 
> draconis


drac---

you ever heard of "poetry slam" before? what a great outlet...

great suggestion!

google poetry slam, see what you come up with...it's so cathartic...kinda primal scream therapy. i might try that!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

We use to have a local coffee shop that had a poety night. Most there were not good but for a few minutes they shined in there own eyes, soul and heart.

draconis


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well guys just to update you all today i went to pick up my son after going to the gym so we could hang out whichfor the record ive had my son every day since my wife left she only get him when its time for him to sleep well me and my wife were chatting and she got pissed off because my mother in law came over for coffee the other day mind you the conversation had nothing at all to do with my wife its was about how i was doing well me and my wife were getting along great and she gets this text on her phone and all of a sudden her attiude changes full circle screaming crap like well she only your mom by marriage and i can fix that well we were out on the porch smoking a ciggarette and i saw her boyfriends truck go by the house lol gee i wonder who that text was from? lol well he kept driving so i went down the street waited about 15 mins and drove back around the block well low and behold who should be pulling up to the house but her boyfriend so i just drove by him honking and waving as i drove by lmmfao looks like this attempt shes been making as of late is nothing but a bull**** ploy to play the have my cake and eat it to game cuz it looks like now shes not sure what she wants well let me tell you daddy didnt raise no fool on this end of the rope and im not saying %^&* to her untill her head dislodges from her ass and she finds out what she wants to do ...hell i may even go out on a date at this point who knows if she isnt going to cherish our wedding vows than why the hell does it matter what i do at this point?

man and i really thought i was getting some where looks like back to sqaure one again oh well tommarrow is another day! talk to all you guys later

now im more confused than ever the 
CPT :scratchhead:


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

okay i had to share thisd with you guys cus i thought it was almost impossible to believe this i just heard through the grapvie that she went to the gynocoligist the other day whom she used to work for to get her leg xrayed because she fell down the stairs?? i was told she went to the ER she did fall but would they not have took an xray at the ER? lol and i did notice today she is about 20 lbs heavier than she was before she left and she has been farting around at least that i have been aware on some level since about the end of july?? so being that it is now november she very well could be pregnant? but come on an xray for your knee from the gyno?? damn does she really think im dumb enough to believe that?? well i guess well find out soon enough wether or not she is and i know if she is it isnt mine thats for sure we havent made love since the middle of july so d like to see how this escapade plays out...man i feel like i should be calling springer for a casting call... :scratchhead:


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

i have heard nothing yet mommy i just called to have her mom call me me and my mother in law have a great relationship i hope she can shed some light on this situation i love my wife dearly but could not and never would except if she had gotten pregnant from this jackoff my marraige would clearly be over at that point and it would be a damn shame at that!!! im doing okay i guess? taking things a day at a time im pretty floored right now and puzzled but i always bounce back! thanks for your concern:scratchhead:


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

We are here for you if you ever need us.

draconis


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

hey mommy thanks for your reply beleive me im trying to have an open mind about everything yes the weight gain could be from stress i agree on that but wouldnt a gyno have to give you a referal for a speical type of x-ray if you were pregnant? cuz i do know conventional x-rays systems can cause damage to a fetus and she said she also had an apt with her prior to the referal that same day she had fallen down the stairs at her house 3 days prior to this now if you were pregnant and you fell down the stiars you would make an apt to see if you were okay correct? we had gone to the gym a week before she fell and she was wourking out on all the machines some which you would not use if you were pregnant i know that for a fact we had been sitting at her house the other day and she just brought this information up out of nowhere she also said hey i weighed myself at the gym the other day i said really? i had noticed the gain earlier that week but didnt say anything i know how girls can get with a subbject like that she now weighs 177 lbs when she left me she weighed about 130 and has always been about the same weight the wholw time we have been together having my suspecions about it and figured she had opened the door for conversation i said jokely at least we know your not pregnant trying to see if i could get a reaction out of her and she actually responded as any person would if the had not been she didnt doge the question even laughed with me about it i even said jokely becasur if you were it would be emaculate conception damn i really dont know what to think one thing for sure if she is pregnant she wont be able to hide it gorever thats for sure!

thanks again

CPT


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

CPT,

Hi I just finished reading all of your threads and i'm sorry to hear the situation you are in with your wife. You have had issues but obviously gives her NO right to start an affair. Maybe she is the one who can't communicate, and you have to put your job in high priority if you want to eat. 

I would like to know how your son is doing? you said he has regressive autism? what does that mean? do you have a specific diagnosis? is it Asperger? classic autism? Pervasive Development Disorder? Rett Syndrome? is he verbal? can he say words? is he over sensitive to sound or under sensitive and creates his own sounds? what self stimulatory behaviors does he have? I may be able to really help you in dealing with him, but it will require effort if you are interested. 

Good luck...


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

hi martino thank you for your reply yes it is difficult right now but im a very strong person and im trying my best to get by day to day my son is Pervasive Development Disorder and im trying to learn all about what i can do to help him hes is my world and has always been things havent always shone the best light in my direction latley but hell isnt life a learning experiance? i would like to know all you have to offer on my sons condition because even if i cant reconcile with his mom it will make me understand how to be a better daddy to my son anyone can father a child but it takes a special person to be a dad ive focused myself more latley on what i can do to be a better person for my self because i cant influance my wifes choices or decisions those are hers to deal with all i can do is be a better person for me and my beautiful son so any help would be great 

thank you!

CPT


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Well PDD isn't regressive, it's a better diagnosis than Autism. I would explain to your wife that your son needs all the help and support he can get. At his age right now, all the intervention and one on one therapy you can get is critical to his outcome. I would check and see if there are any home or center based ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy clinics in your area and that they are licensed and degreed and of course if insurance will cover costs. Also be sure you have a clinical psychological diagnosis and not just one from the school district. Check your local county for any possible grants to help cover costs if you haven't yet. Again he is right at that critical age so do it soon. My son had three years of one on one and it made all the difference so I would suggest do it if you can.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

If you cannot get those services, start reading books by Lynn Koegel and Ivar Lovaas. Also forgot to mention, check into vitamins, high dose B vitamins with magnesium help developmentally delayed kids focus better. Good luck.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

thnak you my friend ABA is something he receives through school all week long he is enrolled in a great program in the town we live in through his school we are ontop of all his needs curantly but if you have any more in sight i would love to hear from you thanks for your replies


CPT


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

I can tell you this...public school's version and I mean any public school is laughable. If you don't believe me ask to see the behaviorism degrees of those giving the therapy. You won't find one. Good luck and I hope your wife grows up, you and your son deserve better. Don't let her sling all the blame on you...women are famous for this.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well guys just wanted to let you know im doing somewhat okay today ive decided to go to the gym today by myself to piss off some steam i have hopefully everything goes okay with the wife today ive been biting my tongue and just letting everything flow like nothing is wrong but damn its so hard voivod i bought the book the love dare yesterday so we will see how that goes ill keep you guys updated today wife said maybe we can grab a coffee today but dont know shes been acting kinda strange latley on again off again sometimes cold sometimes hot so i dont know what to think there? all i can do is hold the cards ive been dealt and play them at the right time i guess?

CPT


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

thanks for the reply mommy yes the gym has helped greatly keeps me from ripping the wifes boyfriends head off and crapping down the back of his neck sorry i have a habit of just telling it like i feel i just wish there was a away i could get through to her on some level this pain i feel right now is like nothing i have ever endured before in my life!this is someone i chose to be my life partner and kind of feel cheated in a sence that as soon as things really got tough she bailed on me and that hurts like hell sometimes i even sit here at night and question myself as to why i married this woman and then i realized i married her because i had unconditional love for her accepted her quirps big or small and built a great relationship with her dang i just wish we could have been better receptive of our communication skills then it wouldnt have gotten this far coulda, woulda,shoulda, i guess and just for the record the guy that invented the pharase "it only gets better" needs to be shot where he stands lol cuz it always gets worse before it gets better the only thing that keeps me from climbing the walls right npw is my son,you guys here on this forum and the gym so little bits of each of these things each day keeps me moving in the right direction and i thank u all for your help!

CPT


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Look at it like this, and don't shoot me.

Either be thankful it could be worse or know that this is the worst and it can only get better from here. 

Either way you need to make it through this for your son. 

draconis


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

spoken like a true wise man my friend thanks for the insight really had not looked at it in that light thanks for keeping me in the real world!

CPT


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well my friends i just wanted to keep you all updated as this episode of jerry springer evolves lol wow just got off the phone with my wife she had the nuts to ask me if she could use a chest freezer we bought together to use in the house with all the people shes currantly living with now my sister in law is one of them who left my brother mind you 1 week before my wife left me kinda odd there? a gay guy and my sister in laws 16 year old daughter who has her own issues damn what an eclectic display of personalities lol she was like we have a small freezer here and no place to put our food i wanted to say to her okay and i should ****ing care why? you dont seem to give two ****s about me but when you need something you call me? i wanted to tell her to **** off so bad!but i knew if i did that i was letting her get the upper hand is it wrong for me not to give a **** about the other people who i know on some level are the cause of why my wife isnt here right now? i know god forgives am i setting the wrong example? i even asked my wife so whats going on with us? and she said im not even thinking of us right now what the **** does that mean? is she avoiding the situation? i think so and i think she being very imature about everything right now does she just think that all this **** is going to go away? that one day shes going to wake up and poof everything is going to be ****ing randy dandy?? she doesnt have the slightest clue at this point and its really pissing me off! the longer she blows me off the more i seem to get pissed! and whats going to happen when she does finally come around? she might at that point pissed me off so much i tell her to take a walk! damn i wish she would realize that living in that house does not help our situation one bit and they only way we are going to get anywhere is for her to move out of there damn im not saying even move back into the house with me just out of that situation her mom came over today and had coffee with me and you would be suprised how much myself and my mother in law had been left out in the dark about alot of things!

lol looks like ill be going back to the gym before work tonight!!!!! urg!

thank god for the gym if not id be one of those guys you read about on the headlines of the newspaper! lol 



CPT


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

oh also before i forget my wife did metion to me that all she wants to do is be friends right now lmmfao sure whatever!!!! i should have told her i dont need antmore friggin friends i have all the real friends ill ever need right here in this forum


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

now remember, really all that transpired in her mind is she asked you for something and you said no. somewhere in your post you said something along the lines of "does she know how much she's pissing me off right now?" GOOD QUESTION. DOES she know??? maybe you should tell her in no uncertain terms how much she is infuriating you, and WHAT is pissing you off. it's okay to do that.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

oh trust me my friend she knows damn well how much her actions piss me off right now we even discussed it and you know what her response was? i really dont give a flying **** how you feel right now i know shes upset but damn still that harsh after two months? doesnt that seem a bit odd to anybody here? am i worng to think she might be a little stubborn and selfish right now and only thinking of herself?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

i told you before...you're a stronger man than me...my wife is killing me with kindness right now, and that's tough enough...i don't know how or where i'd be if she was being a b!#ch...


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well my friend i say screw it if she wants to live in the land of make believe than so be it hell maybe i can even ask to take her magical unicorn for a ride and while im at it maybe mr rogers might let me wear that warm blue sweater of his? lol damn i wonder what she is going to do when her whole world comes crashing down around her and she finds out that all that unicorn is nothing but a donkey in disguse wearing a dunce cap! and i thought about what you said and yes i do have a hell of alot of paitance i havent always been like that but learned that in life you never solve problems by letting them piss you off fully just take the bull by the horns hold on tight and hope the SOB runs out of steam soon! 

CPT

PS ill let you know if the unicorn is taking rides requests! :rofl:


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well today went okay me and my wife hung out and i thought it was legit till tonight when i picked her up from work when i was driving her home i noticed her boyfriends piece of **** truk broken down on the side of the road **** him he deserves it! and i said hey isnt that your "friends" truck im mean that is what she calls him just a friend lol i said i hate to see anyone broken doen on the road maybe we should go back and help him? she had me take her over to the grocery store to meet one of her roomates so they could shop so she says but when i got there they had alreay done all the shopping i was thinking okay odd? well they put my son in the car and i drove away watching as my wife called someone on her cell phone i was like humm thats odd too so i went around the block and parked in the mcdonalds and turned off my headlights i was trying to figure out why boyfriend was in this part of town low and behold i see the roomate pull away and drive off funny thing is my wife wasnt in the car so i waited and sure than **** the boyfriend pulls up he helps her get into the car but before that gives her a nice juicy kiss well **** onw i have the proof i need and called her cell phone and said hey sorry our son forgot his coloring book anf crayons in my car i had turned around to bring them to you but you were gone call me we need to talk well i tried to call her to my surprise no answer thats of course cuz she with him at the time so she texts me what a cowardly way to answer me lol she says what do you want to talk about? thing is now i can call the bluff do i let her know what i know now and say you pick him or me? or just call her and say just wanted to wish you the best of luck with everything and hang up and let the ***** wonder why ive changed heart so quickly?



CPT:scratchhead:


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well good day all my friends hope all is well with you guys just an update here we sold our house or i should say i sold our house and now i have less than a month to move damn things do get worse beforte they get better huh? wife does seem to be comming around a little more and we have been talking alot latley 3 hours the other day and about 6 just yesterday shes still very hesitant about wanting to persue a relationship with me but for some reason wont file for a divorce yet which has me perplexed she said i love the way you have commpletely turned around your relationship with your son and i thanked her and i said i would like to try and turn my relationship around with you also but ive felt you really havent given me that opertunitiy yet? she said she was very scared and did not want to get screwed over again and i told her two things can happen here when can have a worse realtionship now than we have ever had before or we can have the most furfilling marriage anyone could ever think of it woulde make you so happy your head would spin i also told her i didnt want to go through the rest of my life with all the what if questions if we didnt give it another shot at our marraige i said it wouldnt be fair to our son to her or to myslef making sure i was the last one on the list she said she would allow me to try to be friends like we were dating all over agian i said fine i said you should continue to live were you are living and i will live here for now because i still have to learn to be the man you need in your life and i didnt want to fall short by not putting all my effort into it 100% and that i wouldnt not be able to love and respect her the way see needed if i wasnt able to love and respect myself 100% and i told her i want all her needs to come first for the rest of her life she has agreed to put off divorce for now so we can try being friends agian i said thats great because any foundation for a good marraige has to be built on a strong friendship i guess what im asking from you guys is how to i grab the bull by the horns here and not fudge this up this is the only shot i have

please help!

CPT:scratchhead:


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Ask for a date night.

draconis


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

one step ahead of you my fine friend we have agreed to do this and she wants me to plan it all by myself with thought and effort i have something in mind that i think she will be very surprised by it i know i was when i thought of it she loves ben and jerrys ice cream and i thought hell why not take a drive to the factory in vt and take a tour?? i mean does that sound cheesy to you guys? i did want it to be romantic but how romantic can it be going to an ice cream factory? lol


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

i mean thought wolud most definatly be pyt into this trip a 3 hour drive there making sure our son was taking care of why we where gone and it wasnt a very overberaing place to hang out i just dont want to press the marraige thing right now the ice cream factory seeked very imparcial and just an idea to have a great afternoon and hang out with nothing hanging over our heads what do u guys think?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

CPT CONFUSED said:


> i mean thought wolud most definatly be pyt into this trip a 3 hour drive there making sure our son was taking care of why we where gone and it wasnt a very overberaing place to hang out i just dont want to press the marraige thing right now the ice cream factory seeked very imparcial and just an idea to have a great afternoon and hang out with nothing hanging over our heads what do u guys think?


i think it's cool. there'll be a lot of fun "backstories" that i'm sure the guide will tell about the ice cream and how they came up with the names, etc. but...

you'll be in the car for approximately what, 6 hours, that's a lot of down time to fill with conversation. that might invite some "heavy" talk rather than light chat. i think what might be best is light chat right now. do you disagree.

but yes, the ben & jerry's plant would be totally cool.

maybe the way to fill some of the dead air would be, on the way there, make an "ice cream word association" game up. y' know how b & j has all these famous people represented by ice cream. how about word associate all your friends with ice cream flavors, y'know vanilla...who's the most "vanilla" person we know....etc. this would build some esprit' de corp among you, kind of a bonding session.


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## Hurting08 (Oct 9, 2008)

You may want to find a spot along the way to take a quick break and break up the first 3 hours. Maybe visit a winery, or whole-in-the-wall cafe for lunch. As long as the day goes well, the ride home could be some nice conversation about the day.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

good morning all its been awhile things have been okay for me here we sold the house i settled into an apt by myself and am working on the things that i saw as problems i caused in my relationship with my wife been a real eye opener let me tell you she still spends about every day with this jackoff but ive learned not to let it get to me she has no power over me in that aspect anymore i just shrug it off although deep down inside i would love to beat his ass to a pulp! ive made the giant step to continue as my life would be if she wasnt around preparing my self for the worse just in case shes been talking to me more and more each day and our coversations have gone from being pissed off at each other to just conversations that have been very pleasant with manners included please and thank you and what not she has agreed to come over on wensday and ahve dinner with me and our son says its for his sake but somehow i dont fully beleive that comment i asked her yesterday morning what were the 3 biggest reasons you left? she said 1) no emotinal attachment to me for along time 2) we didnt communicate and 3) are you ready for the shocker this was pointed out the first time i posted her on the forum she feels she never had a chance to be a kid! said she wants to hang out with her friends and enjoy those times for fear she is losing out how do i accept this comment knowing its a bit to late to change the situation i mean we are married and do have a son and its not like i didnt let her go anywhere she came and went as she pleased just catching up with you all hope you guys can help


CPT


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

well hi all. hope everyones turkey day was awesome. mine was great. i went to my in-laws for dinner with my son. we had a blast.my wife was supposed to be there but chose to ditch us all and have dinner with the ******* boyfriend. thats okay we had a great time. wife did get pissed when she found out where i had dinner. she was like your taking my family away from me. i was like our son has grandparents also he needs to see its not fair to them because we have problems right now. not for them to see him.wish wife would really look at the bigger picture off everything rather than right in front of her face right now. she called me said she missed our son hes been staying at my apt since monday. now mind you she can see him anytime she wants. she called said i miss him. i said if you like i will bring him over so you can see him. she said no thats okay. im going to be going to the movies anyway i wont have time. i was like wtf?? nice way to treat your son on a holiday. what an ******* sometimes! thats okay the more time i spend with my son the stronger our bond becomes and i see a an awesome friendship with my little boy. i know now that my son doesnt have a father he has a daddy. anyone can be a father it takes a special person to be a daddy.im thankful that i caught my ******* ways now that he is young and not to old. my son is a real champ! and i will always be his headcoach! hope all is well with you guys. happy holidays!


CPT


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Good for you to focus on your son. He needs his dad.

draconis


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