# Is he cheating?? I’m devastated



## Strawberry1984 (Dec 27, 2020)

Hi, 
I’ve been in here before. My husband filed for a separation. In my country you can’t get an immediate divorce when you have small children together. You must have 3 months period to reconsider, it is called. 
He filed for a separation. But he KNOWS that I do not wish to separate/divorce. Only today again I reminded him. My wish is to save our marriage. Now, he started going out much more than ever before. He usually says it’s with business partners which I have accepted - I don’t really have a choice. Today he attended my nephews bday, and he seemed to have had a great time seeing my family - he said he joined cause he wanted to be with our kids. Yet, the majority of the time was spent speaking to everyone. He told me he would be going out tonight. He had dinner plans with my best friends husband and a bunch of his friends. All nice and good guys. My husband (yes he legally still is my husband!) went for dinner and brought his car with him. I assumed he would be home at normal hours…like, 01.00 am or 02.00 am. 
I woke up at 03 am only to discover that he wasn’t in bed with me. Yes! Not only is he still living here with me, but he is even sleeping in the SAME BED AS ME!!!
I’ve been awake since 03 am and at 04 I sent him a text. No reply. Sent him another at 04.30. No reply. Texted my friends husband, also no reply, yet his messenger was listed as “active 2 hours ago” at 04.30. So I assume that it might be due to him sleeping….

Anyway, called my husband 3 times, no answer!
It’s 06.30 am soon! I’ve been up since 03, and only had 1.5 hours sleep (due to the kids)

I am so hurt, I am so sad and so frustrated!!! Where is he..where has he been all night!?! Knowing how I feel about the divorce, and knowing that it would destroy me if he would cheat (it’s cheating, cause we aren’t by law separated yet!) then I can’t get my head around why he would do such thing to me!!? 😥😢😢

Moreover, he keeps telling me he has small children that wakes up at 07 am usually! Meaning in 1 hour! Leave my feelings aside; what kind of behavior is this to stay out all night and all morning, without consideration to that he has kids that needs him the day after..he obviously assumes that I am anyway just with them! His behavior doesn’t add up..we are in a process of figuring out the splitting of the kids, and he wants them as much as possible…but that is so far out with a careless behavior like this!

I am so damn hurt..I really do not know what to do when I’ll see him! I feel like giving him the biggest kick in the butt out of here!! I am so devastated!
I can’t see any other reason for him staying out, unless it’s because he met someone and is sleeping at her place! Just writing it makes me want to throw up! It’s pretty impossible that he (without alcohol in his blood (he took the car) would be staying out for 9.5 hours, just chatting, with these friends of my girlfriends husband, all people he doesn’t know..and without drinking. Plus, he’s not much of a drinker anyway. So I really can’t see any other reason but a woman!

What’s your take on such situation!?


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You may not want a divorce but the end of a relationship always defaults to the one who wants out. It sucks but that is the reality. 

His words & his behavior -- staying out all night & not responding to your calls -- are telling you that he's done. You need to accept that your marriage is over because he wants it to be over & there is nothing you can do to change that. Get your life together & figure out your next steps.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Go online and check your phone bill. That’s a quick easy way to see if something is amis.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Strawberry1984 said:


> how I feel about the divorce, and knowing that it would destroy me if he would cheat


You are not initiating a divorce, and you will not be "destroyed" if he cheats. You cannot control other people, only you. Your wish may be to save your marriage, but you cannot do this alone. Your husband does not want his marriage "saved". He wants it to end.

Do not give your husband "power" in your life. The reality is, his cheating will do absolutely nothing to you which you don't allow it to do. My WW blamed ME for her adultery. Initially, I believed her, that she cheated because I was somehow deficient. It took me months, but I finally came to the realization that it was NOT ME who caused her cheating, that was entirely her own choice. It was not any deficiency I had which caused anything. I was a faithful, sacrificial, hard-working, loving husband. Nothing. No trait I had, no trait I didn't have, had anything whatsoever to do with her adultery. That was caused by her own sin toward her God, toward her husband, toward her children, and her own innate selfishness.

These things are also quite the truth of your husband, his choices, his actions. Find yourself the meanest, most ruthless, son-of-a-***** lawyer in town and rip his gonads off financially. Then go live yourself a good life with a loving and sacrificial man who wants you for his wife.


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