# He told me he doesn’t love me anymore and he wants a separation.



## Nixyrie (Dec 4, 2020)

He told me 2 days before thanksgiving. Weve been together for 17 years and have 4 children. It’s only been a week and I am tired of the roller coaster of emotions. He seems to be so confused. He wants us to be friends but one min he says something like what if we get back together and the next he’s talking about how I need to be open to move on in the future. He swears he’s not seeing anyone but I believe there is someone in his ear because he’s not acting himself at all. He says he needs to build his life but he calls to make sure I’m eating, sleeping etc. I’m ok during the day but nighttime is so hard. I feel like he expects me to be like whatever but it’s hard. I can’t sleep have no appetite and can’t focus on my studies. I know this won’t last forever but this is hard I still love him and would do whatever it takes to fix my marriage. Unfortunately I can’t be the only one fighting.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He’s cheating. I would see an attorney.
You’ll eventually find out about some woman. He’ll say “it wasn’t physical”. He’s a liar. Then he will start to rewrite your marital history and tell you he never really loved you and she’s his “soul mate”...

Whatever you do, don’t beg or plead. Be strong and boot him in the hardest way possible. That in itself will be the best way to deal with this, whether you want him back or not. Because a cheater feels even more valued and better than their betrayed spouse when their BS begs them to come back.

I’d give him no options and see an attorney and have him out of your life as fast as possible. Then you can heal. And do NOT confront or ask him if he’s cheating. Cheaters always deny, even when caught red handed. Put a VAR in his car and you’ll have answers in a few days. Wait until you have irrefutable evidence and hand him actual divorce papers at the same time.

I’m sorry your husband is a lousy cheater.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He’s trying someone else out. You’re Plan B in case Plan A doesn’t work out.

I know this is difficult but forget about him for now and focus on taking care of you.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Hire a PI to follow him and get proof. then make sure to not confront him until you and the lawyer have spoken.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@Nixyrie ,

If my spouse told me he no longer loved me and wanted a separation, I would say tell him “Well that’s your choice. I choose to be with a faithful, loving, honorable life partner and that’s no longer you. So enjoy single parenting the four kids, home schooling them all by yourself while trying to work . I’m taking one month to myself to figure out my life and how I choose to move on. Do not contact me—I’ll be seeing an attorney. Bye.”

He’s not confused. He wants you to keep the kids and house and responsibility while he sees someone else on the side to see how it goes. NOPE! It’s easy really: is he a person who will honor his promise to you or not? If not, you don’t want a partner who’s dishonorable. If so, he’ll stop this nonsense and put effort into his commitment to you AND his children.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Nixyrie said:


> He told me 2 days before thanksgiving. Weve been together for 17 years and have 4 children. It’s only been a week and I am tired of the roller coaster of emotions. He seems to be so confused. He wants us to be friends but one min he says something like what if we get back together and the next he’s talking about how I need to be open to move on in the future. He swears he’s not seeing anyone but I believe there is someone in his ear because he’s not acting himself at all. He says he needs to build his life but he calls to make sure I’m eating, sleeping etc. I’m ok during the day but nighttime is so hard. I feel like he expects me to be like whatever but it’s hard. I can’t sleep have no appetite and can’t focus on my studies. I know this won’t last forever but this is hard I still love him and would do whatever it takes to fix my marriage. Unfortunately I can’t be the only one fighting.


Your H is cheating. I suggest you advise your H that you are contacting a lawyer to begin D. And to actually contact a lawyer. Know your rights. If your H will not crap and get off the pot...do it for him with a serving of divorce paperwork.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Pack your kids an overnight bag and drive them to wherever he is staying and drop them off. Then take off for a few days. Let him get a feel for what parenting 50/50 will be like. If nothing else, it will put a kink in his romantic interludes and you get a few days of rest.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Yup, my ex did the same thing. It's the whole ILYBIANILWY. It means he's cheating. Sorry.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Your stronger than you think. This is just the tough part right now, you will get through it! Just love yourself, and know you deserve better. This too shall pass.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Yeah, he's cheating. Make it clear you are not up for being friends. Stop acting like his wife so he can see what that's going to be like. Stop fixing for him or anything.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Nixyrie you can't fix what you didn't break.

You can, however, see a lawyer and make a new life for you and your children. We'll be here for you, so please stick around at TAM.


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## SadOne1974 (Nov 10, 2020)

So sorry this is happening to you. Sending prayers and good vibes your way. Honestly I would say let him go. As I’ve learned recently you have no control over your spouse and what they do. As for him being so wishy washy for me it’s all or nothing. There is no living in limbo and taking time to “think”. You are either in a marriage or not. You are either 100% committed to fixing things or not. He is out. He as left the marriage. You may never know if he’s cheating or not but just going by what he’s said to you it seems like he’s checked out. Now you have to decide how to react. You can wait around and give him time and space to come to his senses which may or may not happen or you can move on with your life. Decide what you are worth and determine how much time u want to spend waiting on him and make a plan. Best of luck and Merry 🎄 Christmas


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> Your stronger than you think. This is just the tough part right now, you will get through it! Just love yourself, and know you deserve better. This too shall pass.



This times a million. 

Go ahead and make him move out. Get a lawyer quickly. 

The longer you wait only gives him time to improve his plans to leave you on his terms.

Open a sep checking account, ensure you have credit cards only in your name, build some credit in the background.


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