# Is this normal?



## KristyJSF (Jun 21, 2015)

I can NOT handle when my husband is upset. If he gets frustrated at the littlest thing it stresses me out and I try to fix it though I know I can't. He has slight anger issues as far as just letting things get him angry too fast. But really I am the one making myself feel like I have to walk on eggshells because if he gets slightly dissapointed (even if he's not mad at me specifically), I get really tense. 
So this is my latest and I can't sleep now: It's my birthday weekend. I've never been to a casino before. There is one about 40 minutes away from home and another one 1.5 hours away from home. So I decided we should go to the one furthest away from home and get a hotel room and make a true "night away" out of it. We got there pretty early, spent the 200 we had planned on bringing in, and we were done by 8. Of course we didn't make any money which was to be expected, but of course my husband got irritated and quickly walked out after the last 20 was spent. He then mumbles about how stupid it was that we got a hotel and now we "have to be bored and stuck in a room and we spent 100 more on this hotel than if we would have gone to the closer one." We are well off financially so it's not a big deal to me, but he is PISSED now that we spent 300 dollars total in a weekend and wouldn't even speak to me in the hotel room. Went to sleep early. I can't handle this. I'm at the point of shaking and I feel immense guilt for doing this for my birthday. Is it normal to HATE your husband being upset this much? Like if he is not happy, there's no way I am.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea, it's normal to hate a person who acts like that.

The casino's around here where I live have things you can do besides gambling and going to your room. For example, they have a night club area with a band or dj depending on the day of the week. Did that place of some thing like that?

Your husband sounds abusive to be honest.

Is everything always about him?

You start out in your post sounding like you have a problem because you cannot handle his anger.. like it's a fault. It is not. It's a good thing that you cannot handle that kind of mistreatment by him. Walking on egg shells is a normal reaction to anger that makes no sense. It means that you have no idea when and what will set him off so you are constantly walking on egg shells trying to figure out how to prevent his outbursts.

Abuse is about control. This type of anger/abuse is used to maintain control. As long as you are walking on eggshells you are focused on him. And he can manipulate you as he pleases. 

How often does he have these outburst?

Look up the term "cycle of abuse". See if that sounds like what's going on with you and him. A lot of the literature on cycle of abuse will talk about domestic violence. So if there is none, just know that the cycle is the same whether there is any violence or not.

Also, is he ever violent? Does he hit you, push you? twist your arms, etc? throw things? break things? pound on the furniture? Put holes in walls?

ETA: my suggestion is that you find an organization that give counseling and support to victims of domestic abuse and you into counseling.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I agree with @EleGirl. I don't think that you're the one with the problem here.

Please take her suggestions, and look into the counseling for yourself. Hopefully, your husband can get some counseling and/or anger management to help him be a better person and partner.


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## Love Pandy (Jul 20, 2015)

Your husband sounds very selfish first off! Heck it's your bday weekend and seems like instead of making it enjoyable for you, he rather stress you the he!! out. You probably need to seek counseling for yourself so that you can learn to ignore his foolishness. He likes that you go out your way when he is upset to try and please him. One day when he gets mad try acting as if it doesn't bother you! Stop fueling his fire! Let him worry about what you are thinking for a chance. What happens when you try to talk to him?


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