# Sarcasm? What is it good for?



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Just curious as I met this person and she's attractive, but she's very sarcastic and its a huge turnoff. I guess there are different "levels" of sarcasm, but after awhile its just not very attractive. 

Anybody here stop or not even start dating because of this character trait?


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

If she's negative at THIS stage of things, just imagine how it would get once there's a relationship, problems, etc, thrown in the mix.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

hmmmm I suppose it matters what type of sarcasm we are dealing with here. Because my first thought was the humor type of sarcasm, which I frequently engage in and it's how my friends are as well. But there is also sarcasm in the negative sense that's more like griping, so I guess if it is that then that would get old real quick. Which is it that you don't like, the former or the latter type?


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## endoftether (Jan 2, 2014)

Humour in the funny sense is fine, it's the same as telling a joke effectively since no-one is insulted or harmed normally.
Negative sarcasm is something else all together.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

I used to be very sarcastic and quick-witted, but then one day had a revelation about how it must feel for others when everyone in the room was laughing at them due to something I said. I'd already had some major changes in my life that had made me more empathic and then having this understanding made me okay with avoiding sarcasm almost entirely. 

I notice that most people who say that they are really sarcastic are just hurt and express their pain by using sarcasm to avoid showing their hurts.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

Sarcasm is often a trait of passive-aggressive people. Run, Sanity, run.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

For me, it would depend on the object of the sarcasm. If it were directed at politicians or bureaucrats, for example, I'd probably find it funny. If it were directed at me or my friends or family, I'd probably have nothing more to do with them.

Sarcasm can be great at emphasizing a point, often with an element of humor, but it can also be toxic or hurtful - it all depends on how it's used.


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

Sarcasm will make her look more and more unattractive to you over time. 

If you decide to break things off I would suggest telling her exactly why you made that decision. She may realize it is a problem she needs to fix and will work on it OR she'll just say something sarcastic back and prove your point. Either way, it's a win-win for you.

It IS something that someone can stop doing if they remain consious of it and realize how destructive it can be. If she doesn't see it as her problem but rather everyone else's then cut bait and run!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Sanity said:


> Anybody here stop or not even start dating because of this character trait?


no but I've had to change my level of sarcasm to keep from ruining relationships. I realized I was doing it as a way to keep from being hurt.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

My hubs has this sarcasm you're speaking of. He and his friends communicate this way..............since high school. 

The entire first year or so of dating him, it was very hard to get along with him and often we'd fight. I thought he always had a chip on his shoulder or something. Sometimes it was negative and sometimes it was positive. I'd never met anyone like this before. 

Then it seemed to settle down and now we're sarcastic with each other. He feeds off of it more than me, and a lot of times, I don't see the humor in it anymore. We've been together 12 years, married for almost 10.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> no but I've had to change my level of sarcasm to keep from ruining relationships. I realized I was doing it as a way to keep from being hurt.


SB, are you my husband? :scratchhead:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

southern wife said:


> SB, are you my husband? :scratchhead:


 

apparently this is a common thing


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Sarcasm: The body's natural defense against stupidity.

Sorry, couldn't resist. But, in my line of work truer words were never spoken.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Thunder7 said:


> Sarcasm: The body's natural defense against stupidity.
> 
> Sorry, couldn't resist. But, in my line of work truer words were never spoken.


Are you a comedian?


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

southern wife said:


> Are you a comedian?


No, but my wife lists my sense of humor as one of the reasons she marries me. She thinks I'm funny.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I can be sarcastic, but not in a manner that anyone would find demeaning. I purposefully don't make comments about anything that someone might be insecure about. It comes off as being judgmental, and until someone has walked in my shoes, I wouldn't want them to judge me either. 

Sarcasm when discussing things like marital problems or other serious issues is completely unacceptable.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

Sarcasm you say? 

Well my wife and I are rather like the two old hecklers on the Muppets! It works well for us and was one of the things that brings us together humor wise.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

Here are the definitions of sarcasm:

the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really want to say especially in order to insult someone, to show irritation, or to be funny.

a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain 


a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual.

The words bitter, caustic, and pain suggest that this type of "humor" is the defense mechanism of an angry person.


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

No....I would never date or go out with anybody that is sarcastic.....because it hurts when you are being the object of sarcasm.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

Hmmm, best Dutch comedians are very sarcastic and I love it  As long as it's used for humor and not too personal, I'm a fan


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

I didn't realise how sarcastic I was. For me it was about making jokes, sometimes in inappropriate situations. It's a defence mechanism and I consciously try and limit my comments now - to a degree. Some sarcasm is fun.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

catfan said:


> Hmmm, best Dutch comedians are very sarcastic and I love it  As long as it's used for humor and not too personal, I'm a fan


But would you want to date one?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Hell, my entire family is pretty sarcastic. We do in a funny, teasing way, but there's no getting around that we're still talking about sarcasm. 

Probably around a third of my posts here are sarcastic.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

So if my date asks me where I want to go for dinner and I enthusiastically jump up and down and say ohhhhh let's go to Taco Bell...

that's not good. 
Haha, then okay, let's stay home and have a beer and sex.
If I jump up and down enthusiastically then is also not funny?

I think it's all in the context. Sarcasm is something that can only be shared with someone you are really intimate with or know very well, in that only that person or someone with his/her status can know if you are spouting, or not.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*My skanky XW is totally sarcastic. When we first met, it seemed to be more so in a humorous, teasing, but loving way. And there were a few moments back then where I seemed to get my feelings hurt a little bit about it; but she'd often offer up some small apology, saying that she was just that way. 

Now what really pissed her off was if I ever asked her to repeat something that she had just said, more especially if the TV or radio volume was turned up enough that I couldn't really hear her. You'd get this litany of sarcasm out of her each and every time and it eventually got to the point where I would just quit asking her any questions, period!

Funny thing, however, was that if I ever dished one of those zingers out to her whenever she asked me a question, she absolutely did not like it, even if I did immediately apologize. 

And the longer that we were married, the more commonplace the sarcasm became with her ~ sans the apologies, of course.

But to tell you the absolute truth, I do not miss her caustic verbiage in the very least; as for me to demean someone that I care about, or value their friendship, in an intentional and often hurtful way is just not part of my psychological make up!*


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Sarcasm? What is it good for?*



skype said:


> But would you want to date one?


If I didn't have a funny BF yet, surely!


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

catfan said:


> If I didn't have a funny BF yet, surely!


Is he funny or sarcastic? Getting each other's humor is very important for a successful relationship, but a sarcastic person can be very difficult to live with.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

skype said:


> Sarcasm is often a trait of passive-aggressive people. Run, Sanity, run.


:iagree:

From my experience , sarcastic people tend to be passive aggressive people who are unable to express their gripes in an acceptable way.

Just like people whose need to constantly use curse words to express themselves , whether its joy, pain, sorrow or whatever.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

There's a fine line between wit and sarcasm. There's also a big difference between the underlying message. I can't think any chronic sarcastic people that I've even remotely liked being around. 

And there's been a couple that have really rubbed me the wrong way over the years. That wouldn't be a problem now (because I'm so dam nice) but it used to be. When sarcasm has a tone of condescension that big vain in my forehead would quickly show . I've been more direct in responding in those cases.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> From my experience , sarcastic people tend to be passive aggressive people who are unable to express their gripes in an acceptable way.
> 
> Just like people whose need to constantly use curse words to express themselves , whether its joy, pain, sorrow or whatever.


I assure you I do not fall into this category. Yet, snark is my middle name.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> Just like people whose need to constantly use curse words to express themselves , whether its joy, pain, sorrow or whatever.



One of my daughter's professors in college curses about every 6th word. He's well respected in his field (design) married, with a young child, but he curses in awesome style. 

He's also very popular 

Sarcasm is good if one has good timing and delivery - most people don't...


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

The best sarcasm is self-directed. I do this a little. Light jokes about how great I am at a task at work, etc, when everyone knows I suck at some things. 

Too much, though, and I'm sure people would get the expression that I'm passing the buck....

Hey, I try....some things I just suck at! I do keep trying, but always have my backup guy there ready for me just in case I get too far ahead of my self....


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

alphaomega said:


> *The best sarcasm is self-directed.* I do this a little. Light jokes about how great I am at a task at work, etc, when everyone knows I suck at some things.


:iagree:

I am like that myself .
I've learned to laugh at myself and not take my self too seriously.
It helps take the wind out of self righteous people's sails . 
When they attack me, it basically has little or zero effect.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Sarcasm at work is the norm for us (lowlife male bonding), and it is funny and lightens the load no end.

But sarcasm in a relationship and with loved ones, well, that I won't do. It is like hitting and name calling: it means that one has a very limited capacity to solve a problem maturely and constructively. My maxim that I stand by to this day is "The bigger the mouth, the lower the I.Q."

Now, my family knows that I do use sarcasm, but it's usually reserved for politicians on the news (politically correct "do gooders" are a particularly favorite target of mine), but I will never do it out of spite to my W and D.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If everything needed a reason for being....


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## browneyes74 (Sep 1, 2013)

Sarcasm can and does have it's place I think.. I work in a very male dominated field, and so.. sarcasm, yes, does abound.. And I'm okay with that.. 

But yes, the key is to make fun of a situation, a common enemy, politics, etc.. not specific people.. unless you have a. established that type of relationship, b. know they can take it, and c. are willing to get it in return.. 

But, if you don't like it, then, no, you're not probably a good match, or if she takes it too far.. 

And yes, people know how to take it too far and to be especially nasty.. I'm rather enjoying cutting my STBXH to the bone on certain occasions when I can  B/c I CAN.. bwa ha ha.. :lol:


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I am like that myself .
> I've learned to laugh at myself and not take my self too seriously.
> ...


I have to use self directed sarcasm sometimes to help remove my butt from my shoulders.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)




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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

irony, sarcasm, self-deprecation......

I guess they are part of a continuum.

I just look at it from the point of view, is it possitive or negative. No matter how witty negativity can be, it can get overbearing with some people.

Younger people can get awy more often with sarcasm. Other people their age will see them as witty since they are insecure themselves. 

As we mature, we can decide on our own how much negativity we will put up with.


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