# Figuring out what technique gets your wife 'off'



## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Hi, 

I am hoping to get some advice on how to satisfy my wife more. I've had many sexual challenges many of which stem from an abusive past that she had to endure. As a result she is rather repressed when it comes to her own sexual expressiveness. Slowly however we are making good progress from nearly nil years of sex to more regular - this change took a lot of patience and effort on both sides. So now that I am seeing more regular sex as well as more willingness from her to talk about it - I've also been experimenting with techniques. 

Recently in an attempt to last longer myself, I tried using a technique that involves almost no 'stokes' - since as most guys know that long strokes make it really difficult to last. So the method is to basically thrust in deep and then sort of push back and forth with out letting it come out at all. This causes (I think) a lot of pressure against her exterior as both pelvises are in immediate contact. What I noticed is that she responded by getting into it much more than usual - I also noticed more lubrication and over what seemed to be a very enthusiastic response.

Perhaps I'm just imagining things - but can any women her attest to sex that involves less thrusting in and out being satisfying? What about men who know how to make a woman go wild - does it always have to involve lengthy stokes of the ole in-n-out? 

Just wondering as my wife does not like to really give out instructions.

Please divulge!
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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Sounds like you're describing a technique, can't remember the name, where the man keeps his pubic bone touching the woman's clit area. As you rock upward and backward, your pubic bone if putting pressure on her clit, the right amounts of pressure with the right speed of rocking, which your penis is inside... Hell yeah baby!


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Yeah that's what I'm doing - I like it because I can last much longer due to less motion on the shaft - a the rubbing is happening on my pubic hair zone and I can focus on sort of massaging the vulva and surroundings - I want to know women like this and want to hear from other people's experiences !
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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

PINK? Here! Yes!


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Anon pink - you are a woman yes? Is that a satisfying motion where all this pressure is applied this way? Aside from recognizing this technique I want to know f it really works well !
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## justfabulous (Feb 9, 2014)

Kendal, you were kind enough to give some *very helpful* feedback to my recent *"Men, How Do You Like to Be Touched?"* thread (thank you - that was exactly the kind of input I'm looking for - perfect!), so I'll return the favor. (In a way, you and I are in similar boats, with spouses who "don't give out instructions"). 

_*"*Perhaps I'm just imagining things - but can any women her attest to sex that involves less thrusting in and out being satisfying? What about men who know how to make a woman go wild - does it always have to involve lengthy stokes of the ole in-n-out?*"*_

Yes, I can indeed attest to that - most definitely. The technique you describe is very stimulating for a woman and, I find, sensuous. Years ago, before we were married, my husband picked up a copy of my Cosmo magazine, read about this technique, and of course tried it out with me the first opportunity he got! This remains part of his repertoire to this day, and thats fine by me . Its a very nice way to mix things up a bit. It does provide some very direct stimulation in just the right spot. Personally, I find this is good when done very slow and sensuously, and if you're looking deeply into her eyes at the same time, it can, for her, really establish that amazing feeling of connectedness that takes sex to a whole new level. This has a less frantic feeling to it, and more conducive to making that deep emotional connection - feels more like making love than having sex, if that makes any sense to you. This could also be part of why she is responding well to this, apart from the very direct physical stimulation its providing her.

Like with just about any "technique", though, you can't really rely on this one approach all the way through (at least that wouldn't work for me, but then again everyone's different), but if you do it when you're hoping to bring her closer to climaxing it can be most pleasant
_
"does it always have to involve lengthy stokes of the ole in-n-out"_

No, absolutely not. Definitely mixing up the tempo, depth of thrusting etc, all within the same encounter keeps it exciting - within reason, of course. Along those lines, you can do something rather similar to something you suggested in the thread I started - either when you're just entering her, or at any time along the way, rather than "lengthy strokes of the old in-n-out", spend a few moments just teasing her with the tip of your penis, keeping it just barely inside her, make shallow strokes, keeping the tip of the penis moving while its just barely inside her. And vary the tempo on this too - some super-slow and sensuous movements working their way up to a bit of a faster tempo still with just the tip before thrusting all the way down again. This can actually be awesome after some deep thrusting, and has the potential to get a woman really worked up, but there should already be some excitement on her part to build upon _before_ you do this. 

Its great if you're able to read her responses and avoid switching it up when she's really loving something you're doing; dont change it up just for the sake of changing it up, but rather to keep building up to that crescendo.

My husband and I are in our mid 40s and he consistently (right up to the present) has the ability to "make [me] go wild" since we were 18 - and it definitely does not always involve "lengthy in-n-out strokes". As a matter of fact, as I think about it now, I think when I first really felt the deeply emotional side of sex, and discovered it could be so much MORE than just recreational fun, it was when he was going, slow, sensuous and staying deep inside me with _shallow_ sensuous strokes as opposed to lengthy thrusts. That's something else you could try. We were staring into each other's eyes and suddenly it felt like our souls had connected. After that sex was never the same for me again. Prior to that I'd always felt a tinge of guilt and shame at some point during sex (raised Catholic, and although we were deeply committed, we were unmarried at the time) - but after that particular experience, I discovered, no, this isn't shameful, this is the most beautiful, loving thing I have ever experienced. I mention this since you mentioned your wife has issues which resulted in some repression, and while I was never abused, I did have issues related to my Catholic upbringing and the "good girl syndrome" which left me feeling much more repressed than I was after that epiphany.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Sounds like you're describing a technique, can't remember the name, where the man keeps his pubic bone touching the woman's clit area. As you rock upward and backward, your pubic bone if putting pressure on her clit, the right amounts of pressure with the right speed of rocking, which your penis is inside... Hell yeah baby!


Sounds like the coitial alignment technique better known as CAT
One of my favorites
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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

We sometimes do the opposite (don't know if that is the correct word) of this.

We do cowgirl and she lays flat on me once inserted and really grinds into me while I give her some fairly lewd encouragement.

I actually get very little out of it but it gets her off in minutes.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

justfabulous said:


> Kendal, you were kind enough to give some *very helpful* feedback to the thread I started (thank you - that was exactly the kind of input I'm looking for - perfect!), so I'll return the favor. (In a way, you and I are in similar boats, with spouses who "don't give out instructions").
> 
> _*"*Perhaps I'm just imagining things - but can any women her attest to sex that involves less thrusting in and out being satisfying? What about men who know how to make a woman go wild - does it always have to involve lengthy stokes of the ole in-n-out?*"*_
> 
> ...


Dayum! My H just left for work. 

Kendal: everything mentioned in her post works and works well!

Don't forget the french kissing, caressing, and stroking. And lots of squeezing in the after-play.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> We sometimes do the opposite (don't know if that is the correct word) of this.
> 
> We do cowgirl and she lays flat on me once inserted and really grinds into me while I give her some fairly lewd encouragement.
> 
> I actually get very little out of it but it gets her off in minutes.


My wife does this too! She will start out in cowgirl and then lays flat on top while inserted. Then she uses her feet to thrust upward. It turns me on because I feel her pubic hair brushing up against me.
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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

My wife seems to really like the slow start like justfabulous described some.

For my wife there is series of muscles and I spend time going past each one. Start by just inserting the tip with tiny strokes just pushing in slightly. I can feel the first muscle contract and just bump up against it as if you can't get in any further. Then after a bit of that just push the tip past it back and forth slowly. 

For my wife just past that first muscle is her g-spot and she seems to like it when I angle it up as if I am trying to poke the front wall. 

Then just work slowly further in using the same slow series. Once you get past that first muscle the other ones are not as distinct. 

Once I get it fully in she also likes what you are describing. Really short strokes or I might describe it more like I am in all the way but I am going to try to go in further. 

We use the position where I am standing on the side of the bed so that I can hold her legs or wrists and really push myself into her as hard as I can without any in/out motion. (although make sure you are not going to hit her cervix)

You need a break you can pull out and rub it against the clit and then start over. You can vary that some -put in a long stroke every once in a while or whatever but we always build up starting very slow and ending fast.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Yes, what you are describing is exactly how my GF likes it. Long deep thrusts are usually not going to bring a woman to orgasm, in my experience. But grinding your pubic bone or shaft against their clit is pretty reliable for me. Of course with my XW that didn't work and the only thing that did was manual stimulation either alone or during PIV. All women are different. 

The fact that you're paying attention to find out what she likes is a great sign. Keep up the good work.


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

I remember reading an article a long time ago, it was about how men who are not circumcised tend to stay in deeper and make shorter strokes. I'm pretty sure I was on the peaceful parenting website, there are lots of links there. 

I will agree that this feels good because it's making contact both deep inside makes it feel more intense and it works on the outside places as well. 

I agree with what justfabulous wrote about reading responses, that's really important.


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Just fabulous - thanks for the great advice. The last time we went at it, just before your advice I noticed my wife coming out of her shell - it's strange - each time seems better than the last and it seems to be that we are just maturing. The usual repressive queues I get from her seem to be fading - she opted to try another position last time which totally caught me by surprise. Sex seems to be so much better now that she is letting her barriers and inhibitions down and at the same time, I am less of a horn dog and that seems to help immensely as in the past she could sense my uncontrollable urges. A lot of it seems to come down to maturity - there's less stress involved and more simplicity and enjoyment. Keep us posted if you tried the techniques I suggested on your other thread - just remember - guys like to feel you lose control and want them. Pretend his unit is the most delicious desert in the world and you should be good to go !
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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

My Dh moves his penis side to side in the doggy position. I loove it. He goes really slow almost like a circular move. It makes me really wet and keeps him very hard.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

KendalMintcake said:


> Just fabulous - thanks for the great advice. The last time we went at it, just before your advice I noticed my wife coming out of her shell - it's strange - each time seems better than the last and it seems to be that we are just maturing. The usual repressive queues I get from her seem to be fading - she opted to try another position last time which totally caught me by surprise. Sex seems to be so much better now that she is letting her barriers and inhibitions down and at the same time, I am less of a horn dog and that seems to help immensely as in the past she could sense my uncontrollable urges. A lot of it seems to come down to maturity - there's less stress involved and more simplicity and enjoyment. Keep us posted if you tried the techniques I suggested on your other thread - just remember - guys like to feel you lose control and want them. Pretend his unit is the most delicious desert in the world and you should be good to go !
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My wife does not have the abusive issues your's has, but certainly was fully indoctrinated in the "good girls don't" school of sex ed. So we had to work through a lot of the same things. 

In my experience, good experiences both in and out of the bedroom results in more attempts. By that I mean both that it was good in the bedroom and that you still loved and respected her outside the bedroom. As I showed her that being that way does not change things for the worse, she became more willing to try things herself and more opening to trying things that I suggested. Your progress looks good.


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