# Husband has gang bang fantasy



## Stellastar (Jun 21, 2012)

My husband of only 7 weeks has fantasies of me in a 'gang bang scenario'. He is a seemingly straightlaced formerly single father. I didn't realize he watched porn until recently and sends me porn featuring a certain girl who resembles me who is always with multiple men. He has repeatedly expressed a desire for me to do this while he watches. Or for me to go out somewhere (gym, massage) give oral sex and have sex with multiple men and then he kiss my mouth with the ejaculate or lick the ejaculate from my private parts.-- I didn't think I wa a prude but this is mind-boggling to me. This turns him on either he embellishing on his fantasy or me telling him of past lovers. Talking about this is very stimulating to him and is the only way he has been able to reach orgasm with me. He has said over and over that he is serious about setting up a situation with multiple men, and asks me if I want it -- but then he will go back on it -- only to ask again and saying he could set it up--- My question is this a common fantasy to want to share one's wife like this?


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

I think it's common to share uncommon fantasies with your wife. But making fantasy reality is a whole other ball game. Have you told him point blank you're not interested? If so what was his response? Also the fact that he can only get off to this thought is VERY disturbing in my mind.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow, I'd feel highly devalued. It's one thing to have the fantasy, it's another to want to set it up for your wife ....and only 7 weeks married?? Oye.

Porn can, and usually does, divide a couple. not all couples, but more often than not, it does. I'm sorry you are going through this


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

It's becoming a more common fantasy because more and more men are addicted to watching this sort of porn.

I don't think watching porn is immoral anymore than having a drink is, but understand that your husband probably watches 10+ hours a week of porn, a lot of this sort. He's basically become sexually calibrated to this level of stimulation and can't get off without it.

Your basic options are (1) demand treatment for him, (2) just walk, or (3) try it out. I believe (1) is the best option.

I would just be completely blunt with him that you aren't going to have sex with other men and if you did, it was because you were leaving the marriage. Plus it's unacceptable to spring this on you immediately after the wedding. He needs to seek help NOW, or it's all over.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I agree with the above posts... and with the.. it's one thing to have fantasies.. but another to make those fantasies a reality. If your uncomfortable with it.. let him know. You do NOT have to lower your standards on yourself to please him.


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## Stellastar (Jun 21, 2012)

Another issue, is now he won't touch me at all. It's so many things going on, I was trying to divide each issue separately so I'd have a better chance of sorting them out in my mind. But I didn't know if this current situation was related to the fantasy. We had a discussion over something very trivial... just a small issue about proper terminolgy that really had nothing to do with us as a couple which was kind of interesting... but made him feel insulted and now he won't touch me.. even when I try to seduce him he gets annoyed. *sigh*


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

Are you sure he is heterosexual?


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## Stellastar (Jun 21, 2012)

I definitely thought he was when we got married.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would disagree about the number of marriages that are torn apart by porn. It's no different than any other "negative" behavior; it's only a problem when the spouses can't come to am agreement on what's acceptable. Like alcohol, smoking, etc. Many couples use porn together with no issues at all, and it can spice up their relationship.

Your husband, though... He's got a fantasy that's getting dangerously close to an obsession, since it's the only way he can get off. Fulfilling his fantasy is a dangerous thing, and has a very high risk of destroying your marriage. And I say this as someone who has been to a sex club with his GF, and had a threesome... These things can only work when both people are comfortable and secure in their relationship, and when the communication is VERY good. And your marriage doesn't seem to qualify for that.

When did you find out about the porn, and about the fantasy? The porn may not have driven the fantasy; he might have had the fantasy first and then found the porn to match. How was your sex life before finding out about that? How long did you date before getting married? How have you responded when he talks about your feelings on this fantasy? What have you told him?

C


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Do you feel like he did the right things before marriage and is starting to let the crazy out now that he's got you tied down? I'm getting that kind of vibe here. If that's the case he really needs to see someone about all his issues not just the porn related ones. I'm sorry you're going through this, it must be so overwhelming and stressful. Does he seem to care about the impact his feelings have on you or is he more concerned about himself?


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I'm wondering if your husband isn't harboring some latent homosexual feelings. I can't keep my hands off my wife even if I'm mad at her. Him wanting to lick the ejaculate off your lips (both sets) just feels kind of gay to me. Sorry folks, that's just my opinion.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Ahh....Geez.What is it with guys (other than myself) Here we go again.

BAD IDEA!!!! DON'T DO IT!!! IT WILL END YOUR MARRIAGE!!!!

nuff said.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Your husband would really benefit from therapy to dig into why he has these feelings. I mean this very seriously. This isn't a simple thing he is into, it's become an obsession that he needs to visit to have sex. That's really crossing the healthy fantasy line. He needs professional help or otherwise this will tear your marriage apart.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

I hope you kept the receipt.


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## Stellastar (Jun 21, 2012)

The marriage is over. I know this sounds unbelievable. I'm sure people make up stuff like this al the time. But my husband came down here to argue with me about me having the light on and wasting electricity, even though I'm sitting in the room. Used that as an excuse to call me inconsiderate and selfish. And said I had left a knife on the counter which meant I had no concern for the welfare of his children. He then 'divorced' me three times by saying he divorces me. This subject of the fantasy never came up, but... I'm thinking erratic behavior... crazy fantasy... I really don't know how to put it together.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Is he Muslim?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Is he Muslim?


I was wondering that too.


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## Stellastar (Jun 21, 2012)

Yes, he is.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

He did not suddenly have these fantasies or start watching porn. He did the bait and switch. He presented himself as a good man to lure you in and then revealed his real agenda. He thought you would want to stay married to him no matter how he used you. He has a very serious mental . problem. Sadly his mind is worpped by porn. When you did not go along, he decided to try and get another sex object. Hopefully the next woman will have him committed. 

Mark this up to experience. There may have been signs before marriage that should have made you walk. You are lucky to get out so easily. Why did he divorce? I am concerned about his children. How old are they? Any girls that are preteen or teen? Can you talk to your Iman or his wife, if you trust them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

He's sounds very erratic. I would get out immediately and just file. I believe the situation may be unsafe for you.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, Stella. Getting out quick in this case is getting off easy. I'm sorry that you are going through such a painful thing, but you will be so happy in the future that you got out after only 7 months. This was a very bad situation.


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## CondorTX19 (Jun 19, 2012)

I hope his children are safe esp. if he has a young daughter, well on second thought his son as well. Get as far away form him as possible. ASAP.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

creepy


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

two words Porn addict. Tell him to cut out the porn and get help. Then you prepare to divorce this guy b/c if he can't get these crazy fantasies out of his head he will seek fulfillment elsewhere. You will probably see him detox. But this is a full on addiction.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

badbane said:


> two words Porn addict. Tell him to cut out the porn and get help. Then you prepare to divorce this guy b/c if he can't get these crazy fantasies out of his head he will seek fulfillment elsewhere. You will probably see him detox. But this is a full on addiction.


Terrible advice. This is about way more than porn. She needs to leave. Quickly, before he gets crazier.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

In simple words. This is abuse and he's nuts. Get out now before you get hurt.


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## cent130130 (Nov 6, 2011)

Wow, he's definitely watching a lot of porn and needs professional help. 7 weeks in to the marriage...? My advice... get the H--- out.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

sandc said:


> I'm wondering if your husband isn't harboring some latent homosexual feelings. I can't keep my hands off my wife even if I'm mad at her. Him wanting to lick the ejaculate off your lips (both sets) just feels kind of gay to me. Sorry folks, that's just my opinion.


Agree 100%, something just off about that.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Stellastar said:


> The marriage is over. I know this sounds unbelievable. I'm sure people make up stuff like this al the time. But my husband came down here to argue with me about me having the light on and wasting electricity, even though I'm sitting in the room. Used that as an excuse to call me inconsiderate and selfish. And said I had left a knife on the counter which meant I had no concern for the welfare of his children. He then 'divorced' me three times by saying he divorces me. This subject of the fantasy never came up, but... I'm thinking erratic behavior... crazy fantasy... I really don't know how to put it together.


Uh he is a different person than you met when you married, annulment would be a better word, especially to bring up the above mentioned issues, I would look into that seriously... no one accused you of making anything up.... How long did you know him before you married him?


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Especially this early on, this sounds like major trouble and unhappiness coming your way. He waited until you were married to bring this up? He thinks he has you trapped now.

This fantasy borders on "sick" to me. But that's just me. I have thought, RARELY of my W with another man. How would she act? What would she do? But many? Can't do it. It is a remote, rare fantasy that I KNOW would be every bit the relationship killer it would be if she were to have sex with another man behind my back. And my fantasy stays just that, fantasy. I would NEVER suggest such a thing to her outside of sexy play fantasy talk. 

Smart people with self control do not act on every deviant thought we may have! We know it can't end good, so why even think about it?

Deviants want to...need to act on it for the thrill of the moment, cost to marriage and their "loved one" be damned. 

If this is what he wants, he needs to find someone who also wants that. They are out there, he just needs to find one, and not pull the "bait and switch" routine on someone who's not into that.

You need to tell him while you understand this is a fantasy on some level for him, it should remain that, and if he wants it to be more, he married the wrong woman.

I had a female friend a while ago. It started this way with her husband. First he talked about her with other men. Then essentially bullied her into acting on it "and trying it just this once". Then he kept it up. More men. It progressed from him requiring her to call him and leave the phone on when she was sleeping with other guys so he could listen in, to him being in the same house when it was happening, and finally installing hidden cameras in their bedroom so he could watch. At each level, she resisted, but caved in because she "loved him". Last I heard from her, his latest goal, spoken seriously to her (he argued with her about it trying to bully her for weeks) was for her to have sex with her teenage biological son (his step son) while he watched. The subsequent reporting of this situation to child services ended our friendship.


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## klarson27 (Apr 11, 2012)

Does the idea turn you on?

If it doesn't then tell him to pound sand.. Can't believe he's looking for something like this after 7 weeks of marriage!

Honestly, if it turns you on then go for it! Sounds like it can't hurt your marriage since it sounds like its over anyway!! Make it an exotic experience and see what happens.. Maybe you'll meet your next husband during the gang bang. ; )


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## Stellastar (Jun 21, 2012)

No, this doesn't turn me on. I've always thought of sex as a one on one experience. And I'm not even very impressed with the common male fantasy of two or more women and one man. Since I've posted I had a chance to go out and talk with his ex wife. she said that he was using porn with her and it was making her uncomfortable. And the weirder part (at least to me) was that she said they rarely had sex. Not just when the marriage of five years started going bad but from day one. Her thought: he was jacking off by himself to porn.


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

Have you left him yet? 

Your husband sounds like a _loony_. I'd worry less about "helping" him, and more about excising him from your life.

You mentioned the marriage was "over" earlier. I hope this means you ran the _hell_ away from this guy.

Good luck, in any case. And be safe - he sounds like a real creeper.


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## Stellastar (Jun 21, 2012)

donny64 said:


> Especially this early on, this sounds like major trouble and unhappiness coming your way. He waited until you were married to bring this up? He thinks he has you trapped now.
> 
> This fantasy borders on "sick" to me. But that's just me. I have thought, RARELY of my W with another man. How would she act? What would she do? But many? Can't do it. It is a remote, rare fantasy that I KNOW would be every bit the relationship killer it would be if she were to have sex with another man behind my back. And my fantasy stays just that, fantasy. I would NEVER suggest such a thing to her outside of sexy play fantasy talk.
> 
> ...


This is all very scary. I think I ignored a lot of red flags because I thought I loved him... or because he said he always had my best interest at heart. But I definitely have my limits. What on Earth did he think he would accomplish by having me come down here and then not even wanting to spend time together or go anywhere. Not giving me a key to the place, or a few hangers to hang my things on. But apparently he loves me soooo much he is even willing to share me with another man.. simply for my pleasure???? He seemed to have no concept of us as a newly married couple doing anything without the kids... when they were with their mother. Apparently he was so incensed over me having eaten a couple of the old strawberries that he had said he was saving for his son's special graduation breakfast (This was a reason he gave for divorcing me.) he couldn't think to do anything with me.

I was hurt and devistated over this experience. Now I just want to get out. I was ready to go to a women's shelter but he told me to stay and he would help me find a place and a car, as I am basically a prisoner out here in the suburbs. Sex is not an issue as he doesn't touch me anymore, and I am relieved. But I'm not sure how long he will drag his feet.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

run, run, run away. I was married to a freak. thank god I took myself backpacking for two weeks in the mountains, got my head straight and realized that he was the crazy / lunatic and not me (that's what they do: try to convince you it's YOU.) losing that loser was the best thing that ever happened to me!! I am 12 years happily married now to a great guy.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

If my partner had fantasies about sharing me with other men, I'd prefer he kept them to himself. Firstly, it would never happen and secondly (but most importantly), it would make me feel devalued.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Porn viewing is not an issue as long as it does not interfere with your sex life. Since it is interfering there is a big problem.

It sounds like your husband has developed a serious porn addiction... and his addition is to some seriously disturbing things.

When a man becomes addicted to porn he wants less and less to do with real women.
There are techniques used to stop this sort of addiction. The basic idea is that a man has to stop using porn all together It takes 2-3 months for them to return to wanting sex with a live women. 

The person who can help you and him with this is a sex therapist. But first he has to admit that he has a problem. It might take you threatening to leave him, and even moving out to get him to finally face his problem.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh, also, if your husband is a fan of gang bangs, tell him to submit himself to it. I'm sure he could find a group of sick men who are willing to do that.

Wonder how much he'd like it if he was the target of such abuse?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

OP, the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the 'victim' decides to leave. It's a really bad idea to let him know that you're leaving him - just leave. Go to a women's shelter.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Call a women's shelter. They will send someone to pick you up. They can even send a police escort if you are in danger.

been there, done that.


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## Stellastar (Jun 21, 2012)

I didn't realize. He overheard me when I told the police I was going to the women's shelter. And I'm still here. Besides the fact, he is most always home, as he works from home. His ex-wife says she is not even sure what he did for a living, but he always worked from home.

Yesterday, he did have me watch his daughter while he went to the store with his son. Which I find odd, considering what he told the police.

Anyway, I do intend to leave, I want to be gone by the end of the month. He is being cordial and says he'll help, since I don't know much about the city.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Comon **** fantasy.


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## michague (Oct 28, 2012)

Hey, I'd like to add something to this debate, I'm not sure if action has already been taken or not. It concerns me that all the people with "answers" simply say leave the man concerned. This may be the best course of action, but a deeper understanding of the meaning of the man's bizzare requests is needed. 
The man was a single father, so there was another person in his life that he had deep feelings for?
Also he is a Muslim? Is there certain traditional values within religion that sanction the union of two people and the production of children? 
Yes..... The relationship was fine up until the point of marriage, except there were some red warning signals that you chose to ignore because of your love. There is no further information on these so nothing more can be said.
When people marry, the truly religious might do so with a traditional ideal, that their partner is virginial and virtuous, a maiden. Men especially are more likely to think this way. Your husband thought or thinks of you in this way, that you have this quality, and perhaps he thought of the mother/ mothers of his children in a similar manner. What event happened that caused this man to become a single father?
It's important to take this into consideration because it forms the basis of this pattern of thought. This man most likely would have wanted the mother of his children to remain that way and a family to be built in the traditional way. When the seperation occured your husband was most likely scarred.
Pornography is a bit like advertisement, it can put ideas into your head. The man watched some "gangbang" movies and took note. With a traditional mindset the idea of a woman being "gangbanged" is quite degrading. and the man would equally think this way. Your husband wanted you to be degraded, in front of him as a witness with his involvement.
He wanted you to feel that you had degraded yourself, in essence taking away what you would consider important about yourself, your marriable qualities. You were to no longer feel virtuous and that was his control. 
Was the man comfortable and confident of his own sexual ability? He was most likely insecure, unsure and uncomfortable with his ability to keep you satisfied in that area. 
This is a possible explanantion and not an endorsement of such behaviour.
With this control, your husband would keep you locked up in your commitment, an attempt at a long term solution. Online pornography has some twisted and perverse reprocussions.


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## michague (Oct 28, 2012)

Oh, and it's worth mentioning that your husband would have found it increasingly difficult to trust you. Both religion and easily accessible pornography are hugely relevant factors in this. Utah has the highest rate of online pornography "consumption" in the US.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Michague,
The op stoped posting in June, I sure hope she is ok.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Atholk said:


> It's becoming a more common fantasy because more and more men are addicted to watching this sort of porn.


I don't think the porn comes first. Internet porn is developed by seeing which videos are popular and producing more of them. It reflects taste rather than creates it. I could watch 10 thousand fisting videos and never develop a taste for it.

OP, this is not an unusual fantasy by any stretch. Many men are into this sort of thing and probably a few women too. Variants of this fantasy have been around for thousands of years and can be seen depicted in ancient hindu erotica and were written about by Marquis de Sade and others.

CONTENTdm Collection : Item Viewer

I am assuming that you are not interested in doing this? It would be hard to imagine doing this in a safe way. Your husband has probably been obsessing about this for years and it will be tough for him to get over it. If you are going to indulge him on a fantasy level you could use dirty talk and toys. If you are turned off by this and don't want to indulge him in any way, and that is perfectly reasonable considering he didn't reveal this fantasy before you got married, then he will have to stop ejaculating to this at all, for a reasonable length of time. He will adapt eventually if he just denies himself for long enough. Good luck.

OOPS DIDN'T SEE THAT THIS WAS A RESURRECTED THREAD. SORRY.


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## NotATherapist (Nov 4, 2012)

This entire thread looks to me like it the OP was more likely a male writing it to explore his fantasy in a pseudo-real world scenario. Clues are the forum name chosen (likely the porn star she is being compared with), the level of unrealistic drama in their home life that feeds the subject matter, and the biggest indicator being that the OP goes from being at least somewhat interested in the original post when s(he) says that the husband backs out of it at the last minute... This indicates to me that if it were genuine, the OP had agreed to participate and it was the husband was the one to withdraw the offer.

It appears to me that the OP is actually the husband writing, and is using the role reversal to attempt to understand his obsession. If that is the case, the level of judgement expressed on here has probably increased his shame, and added to his confusion.

If my intuition is correct, it does not necessarily mean he has latent homosexual desires as much as it is likely he is dealing with feelings of inadequacy exacerbated by watching too much porn. Likely his wife has shown interest in participating which has added to his conflict. 

I went thru something similar, and my wife and I have done a few things over the past year that both improved and added conflict to our marriage. Overall, the net effect of the extreme level of communication it fostered has been very positive. 

I know the thread is old, and likely the OP has long since moved on... but in case s(he) is still around, or there are others dealing with this conflict, I have configured my account to allow internal emails, and offer my offline assistance in expressing understanding of the circumstances. Feel free to contact me.


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

Stellastar said:


> No, this doesn't turn me on. I've always thought of sex as a one on one experience. And I'm not even very impressed with the common male fantasy of two or more women and one man. Since I've posted I had a chance to go out and talk with his ex wife. she said that he was using porn with her and it was making her uncomfortable. And the weirder part (at least to me) was that she said they rarely had sex. Not just when the marriage of five years started going bad but from day one. Her thought: he was jacking off by himself to porn.


He sounds like an ass... and you're better off without him.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

This thread may be DOA, but this guy sounds like a wack-a-Doo to me. I have no desire for my wife to blow or bang another guy, let alone witness it or clean up the mess with my tongue. 

Am I going out on a limb by saying wanting to taste another Guys load is gay? I've never licked up my own, but I can get that to a certain extent. But creampieing and snowballing another dudes cumshot is freaky.


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## Open up now let it all go (Sep 20, 2012)

NotATherapist said:


> Clues are the forum name chosen (likely the porn star she is being compared with)


That's pretty weird eh, well noticed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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