# Any advice would be greatly appreciated



## Jadedhubby (Oct 17, 2017)

First Post

I will attempt to keep this as brief as possible.

Background:
17 years of marriage

I have had indiscretions about 3 years ago in which I was texting and sending pics to another female, nothing psychical. I was completely honest about this when asked, an I moved out for 30 days. We worked through it, and things were great.............until.

She has had one incident in the past that I was aware of in which she was sending pics to another guy, we talked about it and moved on. This was approximately 10 years ago, so prior to my incident.

Things were going great, and then I started to pick up small things that made me think something just was not right. I attempted to talk her and asked if everything was good. I was told that everything was more than good, we kept digging. The signs continued to show themselves. I began to look and located a number that she was texting very regularly. Like more regularly than she was texting me. I confronted her about this, and she said it was a guy at work and all the texts were work-related. I asked to see the texts and she said she had deleted them. I was assured that there was nothing to worry about and that everything with us was great. 

She stopped texting the number almost completely, which if it was work related would not have happened. This arose my curiosity to the validity of the number, an was it assigned to the actual person that she said it was. I continued to try an find out who the number belonged to.

In my searching, I located a correspondence of her from ten years ago that literally shook my world. In this correspondence, she detailed that she was having sex with someone in their office, and referenced that this had been going on for quite some time now. Also adding that it fizzled out and he has moved on to someone else, and how big of a douche he was. Then she starts in on a new guy that she had met, explaining that she goes to her best friends house every Thursday night to see him. Her best friend since childhood lived in our neighborhood at the time. She even explains that the four of them have drinks, and then she an her new man go to the bedroom for some fun time. An goes into detail about how big he his and how he really knows what to do with it. States that she hopes that it continues because right now it's her "alternate therapy". I cant explain the emotions that ran through me when I read this, I was completely floored. I attempted to remind myself that this was ten years ago, but I just could not keep it shoved down.

I brought it up, in vague terms just asking her if she had ever slept with the men ( i named them), and she denied everything. We have discussed it a few more times, and she continued to deny anything happened. I am trying my best to move on, and get past this, and I am doing relatively well with that. Although the words that she used continue to beat around in my head. Since these discussions between she and I have happened things have been great with us. 

Where do you go from here, will this ease in time?


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Divorce.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

You you know she is a cheater and lied to your face about. She deleted those texts because she dd not want you to read. She has a toxic friend who smiles to your face while enabling your wife in her home to enjoy another mans intimacy. You read her own words. 

So far with no effort you have found 2 men. There are more no doubt that she will never admit to. 

What advice do you need? Your choice if you want to stay married to that.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

She will not admit to anything she doesn't absolutely have to. Print the correspondence you found and keep it. If you can't live with the fact that's he had sex with other men during your marriage, she cheated on you with other men and liked it then just leave her now. Don't waste miserable years before your hit rock bottom. She's obviously not worth your love. She's also a liar in addition to a cheater. She will not tell you the truth. Do not trust the words she tells you, trust the words she wrote at the time she was cheating. I couldn't live with that knowledge.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Undeniable proof when presented is all you need. Present your W with what you found.


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Two affairs including one that's confirmed long term and sexual? I think you know who you're married to, it's up to you to decide whether you can accept being married to a serial cheater and liar. She won't change more than likely. This wasn't one brief indiscretion, this is deception and cheating over the entire course of your marriage.

There are likely many other indiscretions, even one night stands. If you have kids, DNA test them, and get an STD check and ask her too also.


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## dawnabon (Mar 11, 2017)

Run. 

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Confront with what you know and file for divorce.

Make physical AND digital copies of your evidence.


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

GusPolinski said:


> Confront with what you know and file for divorce.
> 
> Make physical AND digital copies of your evidence.


I think every state in the US is now no fault divorce making the evidence useless. In fact it can put him in legal trouble depending on how he obtained it.

In today's day and age I would be wary of confronting with the evidence, too many stories of men and women being charged with crimes for taking texts or emails off a partners phones.

In court they won't care even one bit about infidelity, it doesn't matter in divorce anymore.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

marriageontherocks2 said:


> *I think every state in the US is now no fault divorce making the evidence useless.* In fact it can put him in legal trouble depending on how he obtained it.
> 
> In today's day and age I would be wary of confronting with the evidence, too many stories of men and women being charged with crimes for taking texts or emails off a partners phones.
> 
> In court they one care even one bit about infidelity, it doesn't matter in divorce anymore.


Incorrect.

Additionally, just because a given state has a no fault option doesn’t mean that divorce can’t be filed citing infidelity — you just have to meet a certain burden of proof.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Friend, your wife is a serial cheater. 10 years ago, now, and all those other times you didn't catch her. You have enough evidence. She doesn't have to confess for you to know.

Reconciling with a serial cheater who continues to lie will just lead to more misery for you. She's shown you who she is. Believe her. Divorce is the only sensible option.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

So your wife is a serial cheater and you're trying to get over it?

Sounds like you're affraid. Why?

You only know the "tip of the iceberg"


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## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

Jadedhubby said:


> First Post
> 
> I will attempt to keep this as brief as possible.
> 
> ...


 I dont see anywhere on your post that you love her. It seems like you are suffering from a very valid form of PTSD. Please know this... you will never get over it, especially because of what she said about therapy and penis size. You would have to be a superhuman to forget. Please Move on. Care to share more? So you had an indiscretion first?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Holie smokes, you married a repeat offender. You cheated, but she is way ahead of you in that department. 17 years is a long time to be played the fool. Open up the marriage and start cheating to catch up on her and up one on her when you have built a new nest elsewhere. Present her the divorce papers along with the proof of 10 years ago. Life is a biotch, and it's time for her to pay up!

All morbid jokes aside. Let this woman go and get her jollies without your last name being soiled all over town! Divorce and move on to, more honest pastures!


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Jadedhubby said:


> We have discussed it a few more times, and she continued to deny anything happened. I am trying my best to move on, and get past this, and I am doing relatively well with that. Although the words that she used continue to beat around in my head. Since these discussions between she and I have happened things have been great with us.
> 
> Where do you go from here, will this ease in time?


There's another current thread about a husband whose wife recently told him that she got paid for sex a few times before they met and when she was very young. Your case is completely different. I understand that you want to get passed this, but I think that eventually you'll realize that it will never stop tormenting you.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ok.

So she f'd at least two men 10 years ago and kicked you out of the house for texting 3 years ago?

She is doing something suspicious again?

Your first mistake was picking up a lizard from the sewer and marrying her.

Your second mistake was staying with the poop 💩 lizard after she behaved like poop eating lizards do.

Climb out of the toilet 🚽 you are living in with this vile creature and take a long shower before trying to date a human this time!

P.S. Don't forget to flush!


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

So she tells you it was "just correspondence" 10 years ago, but you find out that "just correspondence" means sex with two different guys. Today she tells you it's "just texting". So how many guys is it this time, and how many have there been in the past 10 years? You're in an open marriage--she just didn't bother to inform you.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Jadedhubby said:


> First Post
> 
> I will attempt to keep this as brief as possible.
> 
> ...


Your wife is a serial cheater, you are a cheater. Marriage and cheaters do not mix. Get a divorce.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

JH,

You asked for advice, first except the facts.

Fact... You're married to a Serial Cheater.
Fact... You know less than 25% of the real story.
Fact... Serial Cheaters will not stop, short of a massive Train Wreck.
Fact... Short of some "Nazi" style truth serum interrogation, you will never know how deep the rabbit hole goes.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

So she and her buddies joke with each other about her cheating, **** size, and what not? Have her served at work, and ghost her! Just do it and leave her lying ass behind. Come on man! You don't have to settle for a waste of flesh like that.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Jadedhubby said:


> First Post
> 
> I will attempt to keep this as brief as possible.
> 
> ...


? What do you want?

Your wife is a cheater and form what you found has been doing it for over ten years. 

She is still doing it. Her bf was helping her to do it along with her husband. Show her what you found and say deny this then. What you found with this recent texting is the same MO as ten years ago. Don’t be a fool. 

Confront with the proof of ten years ago. 

Tell her that it is clear as a bell she is doing the same now. 

Say she has one chance to come clean about everything this one time or you are divorcing her. 

Make it seem you know what is going on now and you will be comparing what you know to what she tells you. 

Don’t walk away from this unless you are ok with your wife screwing other men behind your back.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Why in the h*ll are you just ‘trying my best to move on, and get past this’?

She won’t even admit what she has done and you are desperately rugsweeping her affairs and attempting to act like the M is fine.

Get out of denial and start following the advice that many of the best and most experienced posters have already given to you.

Kick this remorseless serial cheater to the curb HARD.....and move on.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> *Undeniable proof when presented is all you need. Present your W with what you found.*


*... along with a move out date and divorce papers! 

She’s not even to the point of trickle-truthing you! Just boldface lying her a$$ off is more like it!

And do be sure to get checked out by your MD for the presence of any possible nasty STD’s!*


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I think I would just file for divorce.you know in your heart shes been sleeping around for years.
If she asks why just say you know why don't insult me with this act of bewilderment.

Go dark and just eliminate her from your life


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Polygraph!!!!!!


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

JH,

Time to quit lying to yourself. Do you know how a Serial Cheating Wife works? I've seen it first hand.

They have a single affair for all the regular reasons... bored, wanting attention, longing for youth... all that same crap. But affairs have a shelf life and generally end when the OM gets tired of playing the games or finds a hotter married woman to f--k. 

A few months pass, another OM is lined up when your W starts to give the signals she "likes" him. These SC wives have a great capacity to compartmentalize their actions. They feel that no one is getting hurt as long as they keep it secret. The classic dual life. 

Months turn to years. 1 OM turns to 5. Nasty Bad!


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