# My gf thinks my niece and I are flirting.....



## trailwalker (Apr 24, 2013)

My girlfriend thinks my niece is flirtatious and has a crush on me. 

A few months ago i posted a photo on facebook where i was holding a cigar. The only thing you could see of me was just a few fingers and the cigar. My niece (who lives 1000 miles away in another state) commented, "you could be a hand model." First of all this is my 30 yr old married niece we are talking about here. Neither I nor any of my family has that level of inappropriate behavior. Second, i explained to my gf that we had all in my family been big Seinfeld fans. And that statement was from one of the episodes. Thirdly it really seamed to me that comment by my niece was plainly just meant to be funny and nothing more.

However, it has been IMPOSSIBLE to help my gf understand his plain, simple reality. Second to this I mentioned a while back that I wanted to skype my niece so i could chat with her 2yr old daughter, my great-niece. Well, now my gf has totally misconstrued this as an attempt for me to get in touch with my 30yr old niece and "flirt" or something like that. 

My question is: ow can i help my gf understand reality here? How can i assure her there is no inappropriate behavior going on?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Your girlfriend should become your ex gf. That's sounds crazy to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You GF may be the type to always see zebras because she was once run over by a zebra. It is very difficult convincing someone like that to see a different reality. You can't, not really. Youve explained, you reassured, you've probably even shown her other examples but she clings to her version...there goes that zebra again.

Give it one last shot, tell her this is the LAST time you will hold this conversation. tell her if she brings it up again, she will need to talk with a professional about what she sees dead people!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, there is something wrong with your gf. Find a new one.


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

Other than the hand thing, what else has your gf said about your nieces actions? Or was that the only thing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trailwalker (Apr 24, 2013)

ubercoolpanda said:


> Other than the hand thing, what else has your gf said about your nieces actions? Or was that the only thing?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A few other things. Last January I had a week long work meeting back in the state I'm from where my family lives. I stayed over the following weekend for my Mom's birthday. My niece took my mom out for lunch on the Friday I was finishing my meeting and coming over to her (my mom's) house. When hearing this my gf responded something like, "what a coincidence your niece just happens to be there when you arrive..." I explained to her they already had plans for her birthday lunch. AND Friday is usually the day when my niece visits my mom. 

But my gf won't accept this. She feels my niece is "always" around when I go back home. 

Also, because of my gf constantly focusing on the cigar photo comments and continually bringing it up as if it's the center of our life, I deleted the photo and comments. Close to that time I also became fb friends with my niece's husband with whom I have been normal friends with for many years. My gf now suspects that I also feel my niece's comments were inappropriate and didn't want her husband to find out she was "flirting" so that's why I deleted it. AH! It just never ends.....


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

trailwalker said:


> Also, because of my gf constantly focusing on the cigar photo comments and continually bringing it up as if it's the center of our life, I deleted the photo and comments. Close to that time I also became fb friends with my niece's husband with whom I have been normal friends with for many years. My gf now suspects that I also feel my niece's comments were inappropriate and didn't want her husband to find out she was "flirting" so that's why I deleted it. AH! It just never ends.....



This is jealousy bordering on pathological. And guess what? If she doesn't get help, it will only get worse after you get married. Decide right now how you want to live your life.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

You should turn it around on your girlfriend. Start making ****y sarcastic comments about your niece, really get her goat.

If that doesn't work then lay down the law and tell your girlfriend that if you hear anymore commentary about you and your niece that you'll give her something she'll really be sorry about.

Don't let her manipulate you like this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have interactions with any other women? If so how does your gf react to that?

How about at work?

How old are you and your gf? How long have you been with her?


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

this is just the beginning of her illogical jealously. this is the focus of your life? her obsession with her fabricated imagination and putting you in the position of having to spend time and negative energy defending yourself from this baseless accusation is just a drain on your personal life and your relationship. If you stick it out with her, you will be spending a lot of time appeasing over and over and over again her misguided and misplaced jealously. She wants to control you and must like to hear you proclaim your loyalty to her. SHe is out of control on this and I'd be worried what else she'll have you jump through hoops for to keep her at peace. She's going to lose you. Does she know that she might be driving you away?


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## star2916 (May 21, 2013)

I am the Crazy girlfriend here. And before you all go crazy on me, maybe you all should read my post, which I do not know how to post the link here, but it was just posted this morning under the name of Star2916. 

The reason I am a bit paranoid about his niece is because not this particular post he is referring to, but others were she is borderline flirting with him and when her husband become a friend of my boyfriend on FB all these comments that he thinks were innocent, he deleted them. 
Also, because our history of so many women in the whole relationship, which he claims they are just friends. 

I may be touchy when it comes to other women being so intrusive in my relationship with him, but I am not pathological at all. He should take responsibility about not making me feel safe in this relationship because he is a flirt.

English is not my first language, please understand my different way of writing.

Thank you,
Star2916


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## star2916 (May 21, 2013)

And yes, he should find a new Girlfriend, because I do not stay with people that do not play fair.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

star2916 said:


> I am the Crazy girlfriend here. And before you all go crazy on me, maybe you all should read my post, which I do not know how to post the link here, but it was just posted this morning under the name of Star2916.
> 
> The reason I am a bit paranoid about his niece is because not this particular post he is referring to, but others were she is borderline flirting with him and when her husband become a friend of my boyfriend on FB all these comments that he thinks were innocent, he deleted them.
> Also, because our history of so many women in the whole relationship, which he claims they are just friends.
> ...


Any details about these situations with other women?

I have to admit hon,even being a jealous woman myself,accusing a man of being flirty with his niece is pretty out there.
It seems like you've got a lot of trust issues that need to be resolved before you can have a solid relationship with anyone let alone your current boyfriend.


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## star2916 (May 21, 2013)

I am not sure how to link my post here, but I know you could see it if you click on my name.

I am a mature, well balanced person that has a very clear definition what boundaries shall be in a relationship with other people. The problem here, is he has none and it appears, any of his friends that he chooses to associate have also any.
By the way, there are many cases of family members being flirtatious with each other.. I am sure you have heard of that before?
I am not saying they are having an incestuous relationship, but her comments were obviously borderline flirtatious. To the point that he deleted these comments when her husband become a friend of his in FB.

And yes, there are multiple other women in his repertoire, but I am not going to get into it. Let him have his field day against my crazy personality here. I wouldn't want to take that away from him.


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## star2916 (May 21, 2013)

One more thing,
I have learned that there's always two sides of any history.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

Funny, I thought you were here to tell your side of the story.

Instead, you're taking potshots at him. 

....something's up.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

star2916 said:


> I am the Crazy girlfriend here. And before you all go crazy on me, maybe you all should read my post, which I do not know how to post the link here, but it was just posted this morning under the name of Star2916.
> 
> The reason I am a bit paranoid about his niece is because not this particular post he is referring to, but others were she is borderline flirting with him and when her husband become a friend of my boyfriend on FB all these comments that he thinks were innocent, he deleted them.
> Also, because our history of so many women in the whole relationship, which he claims they are just friends.
> ...


You are being completely absurd. This man needs to run far, far away from you.


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## ravioli (Jan 23, 2013)

I don't know...these type of situations are tricky. I'd be willing to bet that the girlfriend isn't crazy, and there is some truth to her statements. The boyfriend may need to tone it down a bit. If the niece was fat and ugly, I'd bet the they wouldn't be so chummy. But I'm more apt to believe the boyfriend thinks the niece is attractive. Not that he wants to have sex with her but prettier women no matter what relation gets more male attention.
To just write the woman off in this situation is not totally fair. There are many factors that come to mind.

Do you guys live in a rural, suburban or urban area?

How many years apart are you from your niece?


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Most junior high relationships just don't last. However old you may be on the calendar, you're bickering like a couple of teenagers. If this is how you act in public, I can't imagine what could be so rewarding about this relationship that makes hanging on to it so desirable.


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## Row Jimmy (Apr 15, 2013)

Let her go TW


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

There's two sides to every story. Fortunately she has also posted her side...http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/78090-totally-confused.html

Perhaps she's not the crazy jealous woman he has painted her.


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## trailwalker (Apr 24, 2013)

Aunt Ava said:


> There's two sides to every story. Fortunately she has also posted her side...http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/78090-totally-confused.html
> 
> Perhaps she's not the crazy jealous woman he has painted her.


Why have you guys interpreted my words of STAR as her being "crazy" or "jealous...?" I find it quite interesting someone might get to that standpoint without me ever using those words myself. NO WHERE in any post did I use either of those words. The reply's however have mentioned something to that affect.


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## star2916 (May 21, 2013)

That is because you are not giving the total story on it.
But hey, let them sacrifice me in the Cruz.... hehe ....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

trailwalker said:


> Why have you guys interpreted my words of STAR as her being "crazy" or "jealous...?" I find it quite interesting someone might get to that standpoint without me ever using those words myself. NO WHERE in any post did I use either of those words. The reply's however have mentioned something to that affect.


You did not use the words. Your OP on this thread clearly was written to lead the reader to believe that your girl friend is unreasonably jealous. So you put the thought in the readers heads.


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## star2916 (May 21, 2013)

Aunt Ava, thank you so much for taking the time to read my Post. I really appreciate your sense of fairness .... a rare quality ...


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## star2916 (May 21, 2013)

And yes, that " niece" only comment was not it .... she has other comments were he is in a swing suit and she comments : "Nice" and when he posts pictures of him and his brother, the other uncle, and says, " oh How I wish I could be there " and when she comments, " I have the BEST uncle in the World" and when she comments " Do you want me to pick you up, so I can show you around where to find good wine " All this time, for 2 1/2 years, She never, never, commented on a picture of us. She only talks about how he misses him and when is the next time he, her and daughter's favorite person, is going to visit. 

And it is not ok, when I told him that she was being a little bit to close, considering that she is married, Christian and all, but the day he become friends with her husband all these comments were deleted, and he lied about deleting them until I left him a month ago, when he came and told me he deleted them. To me it shows " these comments were not going to be totally accepted by her husband ???? " Hum ....... Yeah, I am totally paranoid .... he did not delete them for me, but ah .... He has to make sure " she was " protected and maybe protecting his own [email protected]@s? You tell me ....


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I read the other linked thread...I cannot believe you two are so old, you sound like petty 15 year olds here. I agree with whoever posted that you two are NOT COMPATIBLE.


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## star2916 (May 21, 2013)

I totally agree. 3xnocharm.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

star2916 said:


> And yes, that " niece" only comment was not it .... she has other comments were he is in a swing suit and she comments : "Nice" and when he posts pictures of him and his brother, the other uncle, and says, " oh How I wish I could be there " and when she comments, " I have the BEST uncle in the World" and when she comments " Do you want me to pick you up, so I can show you around where to find good wine " All this time, for 2 1/2 years, She never, never, commented on a picture of us. She only talks about how he misses him and when is the next time he, her and daughter's favorite person, is going to visit.
> 
> And it is not ok, when I told him that she was being a little bit to close, considering that she is married, Christian and all, but the day he become friends with her husband all these comments were deleted, and he lied about deleting them until I left him a month ago, when he came and told me he deleted them. To me it shows " these comments were not going to be totally accepted by her husband ???? " Hum ....... Yeah, I am totally paranoid .... he did not delete them for me, but ah .... He has to make sure " she was " protected and maybe protecting his own [email protected]@s? You tell me ....


I can understand you not liking your bf having a lot of female friends. But you are completely wrong in thinking that any of those things his niece posted are wrong or flirty.

And why would her husband not accept them? It’s friendly, loving talk between family members. 

After my experience with my ex who dated people he met online and who kept many of them as friends after we became exclusive, engaged and then married, I would never again be exclusive with a guy who does not end all contact with all his other girlfriends and ex’s. In today’s age of dating using internet dating sites, it’s very common for guys to string along several women and lie up a storm to keep relationships with several women. 

You do not live with this man. You have no idea what he’s doing when he’s not with you. With the way he ‘fast talks in circles’ to try to make you ignore your concerns I’d dump him.

A man who loves a woman does not keep a string of ex-girlfriends around as friends. It just does not work that way.


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## Mark72 (May 26, 2012)

It's amazing how these two stories are actually the same... The perception and presentation of truth is pretty loose


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

star2916 said:


> I am not sure how to link my post here, but I know you could see it if you click on my name.
> 
> I am a mature, well balanced person that has a very clear definition what boundaries shall be in a relationship with other people. The problem here, is he has none and it appears, any of his friends that he chooses to associate have also any.
> By the way, there are many cases of family members being flirtatious with each other.. I am sure you have heard of that before?
> ...


If you're this controlling with a boyfriend, what would you be like if you two were married? 
:whip: :whip:

@Trailwalker - If you think she is worth the bother, show her the "George Costanza, Hand Model" episode ....or even the "She Has Man-Hands" episode. Not that seeing those episodes will change her mind, but that way you can at least end your relationship on a funny note. This one sounds a little like my ex, and my advice is to "Run, Forrest ...RUN!!"


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## Jamie.11 (Feb 20, 2013)

Your GF has some serious issues that need to be settled. Talk to her about this. She might have somethings she needed to unload so as not for it to be diverted on you and your niece. Assure her.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

TrailWalker,

This is a giant red flag. Women like this will try to cut you off from anything they deem a threat and make you miserable especially if you are the sociable type. Dump the GF and find yourself a more emotionally mature and healthy partner. Not worth it.


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## star2916 (May 21, 2013)

Terry, Sanity and Jamie .... you should read both parties, in fact, they are far more than two here, going on for 4 years. Before you make an comment and trash people's personalities. If I am going to make an comment in any thread, I certainly will read both sides. This is supposedly a respectful BLOG . In the end .... guess what I was right and you guys are far ...... not invested enough to make a comment.


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## star2916 (May 21, 2013)

Hopefully, you will learn from this Thread, not to make a quick decision if you are going to play Counselor.
God Bless All of us.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

star2916 said:


> Hopefully, you will learn from this Thread, not to make a quick decision if you are going to play Counselor.
> God Bless All of us.


Star hate to burst your bubble this one is a zomber.
But I agree with you.


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## star2916 (May 21, 2013)

I know it is a " zomber" but I see it all the time. Thanks Tom67.
Specially, since I was one of the "parties"


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Closing this thread... Please don't bump up very old discussions.


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