# No foreplay for her



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Hi guys. DW and I have a pretty standard routine for sex. Sometimes oral, sometimes manual, sometimes PIV. The common these is that is always about me. There is no foreplay for her. 

There was some mutual foreplay when we first met. At some point she basically started turning down oral and it was just straight to sex. She has always struggled to achieve an orgasm and that is why we just stopped trying. The problem, I guess, is I feel selfish. Some it is ego for me to as it would be nice to get her off sometimes. 
includes masturbation, a few 20+min oral sessions and maybe one or two times PIV when we first met. 


I can probably count the number of orgasms she has had on two hands. That includes masturbation, a few 20+ mins or oral and once or twice during PIV when we first met. 

She just says it is what it is and she is happy to connect when we have sex. However, I can't help but have some negative feelings about it sometimes. Should I take more responsibility being creative and increasing her desire? Is it her responsibility? Should I encourage foreplay more? Sometimes I even wonder if she is secretly attracted to women or I just don't do it for her. 

Looking for any suggestions. I am willing to out in the work 😉. 

Thanks!
Jason


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I will tell you this, the more focus you put on her having or not having an orgasm, the less likely she will be to have one. It would likely make her feel self-conscious and might take it as a criticism. Best way for a woman to orgasm is to learn to give herself one in private. If she's already tried that and it's just not happening, then best to stop worrying so much about it. If, however, she has not had the privacy to do that, she should make sure she gets it.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I will tell you this, the more focus you put on her having or not having an orgasm, the less likely she will be to have one. It would likely make her feel self-conscious and might take it as a criticism. Best way for a woman to orgasm is to learn to give herself one in private. If she's already tried that and it's just not happening, then best to stop worrying so much about it. If, however, she has not had the privacy to do that, she should make sure she gets it.


Thanks for the advice. It makes sense but it is a bit hard for a partner's ego to accept I guess. She struggles to have an orgasm by herself. She tries maybe once or so every month if she gets really worked durring sex. She has an O less than a quarter of the times she tries. Even then it takes her so long she is sore/tender for a day or two. I think it is a mental struggle to free her mind and lose control.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

hubby said:


> Thanks for the advice. It makes sense but it is a bit hard for a partner's ego to accept I guess. She struggles to have an orgasm by herself. She tries maybe once or so every month if she gets really worked durring sex. She has an O less than a quarter of the times she tries. Even then it takes her so long she is sore/tender for a day or two. I think it is a mental struggle to free her mind and lose control.


Has she tried a vibrator?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Well, it is her personal thing. And I've noticed on these type advice boards that it's the men who are most bothered by their women not orgasming, so I guess it really is something about the ego, plus just caring about her, but honestly, I don't know any woman who fret about it too much unless their man just can't function at all. She may just not be as sensitive. And yes, it's possible she has some childhhood/parental shame attached to sex or something like that giving her a mental block. I think most women need to really relax and zone out (I'm sure some don't, though) to orgasm, so relaxation and not having to be aware someone is "waiting on you" or worrying about their intensive efforts could be enough to keep her from relaxing and zoning out. The more she thinks about it, the less likely she is to do it, honestly.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Diana7 said:


> Has she tried a vibrator?


Yeah, she has at least five.


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## Imagirl (Aug 17, 2020)

Is she says she's ok with it... Believe her. I orgasm but for me it's WAY more satisfying to see him finish. If I had to pick one of us is pick him, hands down.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Imagirl said:


> Is she says she's ok with it... Believe her. I orgasm but for me it's WAY more satisfying to see him finish. If I had to pick one of us is pick him, hands down.


Intersting outlook. I almost feel the same way.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

hubby said:


> Yeah, she has at least five.


Ok and even with them it doesnt work?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I agree with the above poster that says don’t focus on it too much because it will push her away. 

You can’t decide what you want for her if that makes sense. If it’s driving her crazy and she wants help she will talk about it with you. It seems she doesn’t care about it. 

I get that it’s frustrating because there is nothing better than giving your partner pleasure and seeing that. But unless SHE wants to change things, there is nothing you can do. I would just keep doing what your doing. Try to go down on her. Try touching her differently, if she pushes you away then you stop.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Diana7 said:


> Ok and even with them it doesnt work?


Maybe 1 out of 4 times. Granted, that is what I know of. She could be doing it more often and more scussful but I doubt it.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

hubby said:


> Maybe 1 out of 4 times. Granted, that is what I know of. She could be doing it more often and more scussful but I doubt it.


You are getting hung up on the wrong thing. Of course you want to please her but she is responsible for communicating that to you. Don't make this into a big problem or you may end up getting no sex at all.


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