# Deal breaker or not? Your SO saw prostitutes while together.



## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

Hello,

I originally posted this on Ladies' Lounge but I wanted to repost on the General Discussion page... If you've seen this post already, please ignore.

If you have time, your feedback will be greatly appreciated. 

Thank you..


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies...nt-other-seeing-prostitutes-while-dating.html


Hello everyone,

I want to keep my long story short.
My husband and I may soon go through a divorce.
I thought we were getting started with the process but we decided to give it a shot for 3 more months and see if things improve by then.....

He already discussed the possibility of us splitting with his family so I hesitantly shared the news with my family.
You can read the long version of my story/ conflict with my husband regarding finances/ differences in spending habits/ him being extremely materialistic etc + betrayal/ lies in my previous threads....

One of my biggest no no was that 10 months into our marriage, I discovered that my husband was trying to hook up with a prostitute as recently as 2 weeks before he proposed to me (which is only about 16 months ago from now....). I was devastated one day after he took off drunk driving...... although I fully admit I was in the wrong to do this, something in my gut made me want to go through his iPad.... There it was. I found evidence that he had texted 2 different prostitutes 2 weeks before he proposed to me but also while we were in long distance relationship, he had clearly gone to see several... OUCH..... IN ADDITION, when contacting the 2 he texted before proposal, he used a picture of him THAT I TOOK from one of the summer festivals we went to which we always fondly talked about, admiring how much fun we had.......
The cherry on top I found out later as I googled those phone numbers is that they were transgender female prostitutes.........

Anyway, when explaining to my parents, I explained we have been having trouble with differences in value i.e. finance but also what pushed me off the edge was discovering infidelity when we clearly discussed that we are mutually exclusive..... I omitted the part that the infidelity was with prostitutes, etc.

My parents some how have concluded that he was probably dating me and someone else and that I should just let it go as he clearly chose me over the other person.... They also have advised I need to give him more slack with his love for shopping etc, because he does work hard and have been providing well enough (we live in a beautiful luxury condo, we haven't gone without, etc)..... However, it is not that I haven't been working by choice. My work visa wasn't issued until end of 2017 but we also moved from west coast to east in January. The job hunt really began in FEB2018. Besides those points, I am deeply bothered that my parents are shunning me for going through his things and violating his privacy. My point is, if there's anything to hide such as infidelity etc, even if I am 100% in the wrong for going through such thing, it makes it x600 million times worse that he had betrayed me by seeing someone and most of all, putting his and my health at risk as they were sex workers...

I wonder if my parent's attitude will change if I let them know they were prostitutes he was seeking. I just think about all the diseases he risked himself AND me AND it is illegal after all. For me, people that pay for sex is basically a deal breaker..... So far, I feel as though everyone thinks I am being difficult and unreasonable. ESPECIALLY my husband. I think he is at the end of the rope with me not being able to forgive and struggling with the infidelity I discovered in addition to all the other problems we've had thus far..... My parents only JUST found out that we were having marital problems and because I'm giving them a very filtered version of the story, they think that I am being unreasonable and should give him more of a fair chance and be more understanding......I'd like to hear your opinions on what your thoughts are if you were in my shoes: You've only been married for 15 months. You find out 16 months ago, your now husband was seeking to pay for sex. Some of them transgender.

Thank you..


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## gtsanchez (Sep 26, 2010)

I would say that this is a definite deal breaker. He is clearly a very flawed individual. You will never be able to trust him if you do go through with it, and you will likely face the same issues with him seeking out this type of sexual activity throughout your relationship. In my opinion, you should save yourself the heartache and end it.


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this betrayal and all of these difficulties with your husband. I really can't imagine being in you situation .

My first question to you is why do you seek your parents' understanding in the matter? You don't need their approval or understanding to recognize that this behaviour is unacceptable for you (or anyone, for that matter!). I would just let that part of the problem go because you can't control other people's opinions of you.

Instead of asking what others think, ask yourself. When you think about his cheating on you with prostitutes, do you get a sick feeling at the bottom of your stomach? When you think about your future together, do you feel that same feeling in your stomach? Our bodies can send us a lot of information that, if we take a minute to tune into it, we'll know something is not right. How do YOU feel about his infidelities? 

Personally, I would NEVER, EVER be with a man who has slept with a prostitute. That's just a huge deal breaker for me. I think it's gross and indicates their lack of appeal to women, which is a huge turn off. Why can't you get a willing woman to have sex with you? What is SOOOO wrong with you that you simply can't for the life of you find a woman who might want to have sex at one point? And in your situation, he was probably already having sex with you so that makes it even more disgusting.

I wouldn't give this man any more chances....goodbye to him and hello to a new life where you can welcome people who value you as a human above all !


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

Just tell your parents the truth. It isn’t your shame, it’s his. Based on all you described in your first thread and the fact that he was very much unfaithful to you, it seems like you are making the right decision. But if you decide to stick it out with him it can’t be because your parents want you to. It has to be because it is 100% what YOU want. Don’t do anything because it will make someone else happy. This is about what is best for YOU.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Tell your parents the real story. Since it's considerably different from the one you told them, they may react very differently 

Prostitutes would certainly be a deal breaker for me. Interesting they were transgender.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Your husband is a dog, get rid of him.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Yep.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Without a doubt.
Yes, it's a deal breaker.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Deal breaker. In spades. Tell your parents the truth.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Absolutely and I would move on!! You won't be able to trust him..


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Yes. I'd never be with a man I knew had been with a prostitute. Even before he ever met me.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Dealbreaker


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

It was a deal breaker and I moved on.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

1. Yes, a deal breaker.
2. Wow, to me the real shame of all of this is the "shunning" by the parents. That's a loss you have to live with. The husband can be history. I would be very, very careful about exposing personal details to them in the future. They seem like the kick you when your down type.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear OP;

Nothing is a deal breaker, unless YOU WANT IT TO BE SO.

I want that to sink in. 

I have been married for over 46 years to the same woman. We have had ups and downs. I have come very close to divorcing the woman I love. What I have leaned from my marriage and the observation of other people, especially during and after marriage counseling is that marriage is suppose to be a long-term commitment. 

If what he did is in your mind a deal breaker, then divorce him. If you aren't completely sure, then try marriage counseling to figure out if you can forgive him, if he is remorseful and if you think you will ever be able to trust him again. Some women with the right marriage counseling and the right repentant husband might be after to reconcile their marriage, others would not. That is something you need to figure out.

Good luck.

Oh and just as an aside, "....that they were transgender female prostitutes.............." Not only do you need to get yourself tested for STD's, but you need to be absolutely sure about safe sex with this clown at any time in the near to distant future. If you do decide to take him back have him enroll in one of those John Schools that police departments run in most big cities to make guys that frequent prostitutes understand the horrors of what they are doing and what they are risking.


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## KungFuJoe (Apr 10, 2018)

Well...I'm going to go against the grain here and say.

Deal breaker.

/s


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Why did you decide to give him three more months?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Hell to the Yes that it's a dealbreaker!

Why on earth would I ever want a relationship where I'd be prone to sharing a hooker's "cooties?"*


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Therelocatedwife said:


> I'd like to hear your opinions on what your thoughts are if you were in my shoes: You've only been married for 15 months. You find out 16 months ago, your now husband was seeking to pay for sex. Some of them transgender.


If it was me, I would be horrified, grossed out, and in shock. I'd also feel betrayed-beyond-betrayed. I would have no trust whatsoever for a man who would do this. 

Okay, so you had fun once upon a time. That was then. This is now. Has it occurred to you that the great guy he let you see was an act? Because no man who is REALLY a good guy would be paying trannies for sex.

I would have been gone and filed for divorce like yesterday. I'm sorry, but you have been duped. And, for the life of me, I cannot fathom why you would be clinging to the so-called "good times" the two of you had. His disgusting dalliances with prostitutes would seal it for me. 

Please get into counseling and find out why you have no self-esteem. I mean, you even ask in your post if this is a deal breaker. Seriously - you NEED to ask this????? Why would you spend another second with such scum????


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Openminded said:


> Why did you decide to give him three more months?


This is the real question.

It could be she wants time to make her divorce planning so she can spring it on him or it could mean she has feelings for him that she needs to explore or she wants to better understand if he has remorse and will not do anything like that again..

Either way she really should talk to him about the whole thing to the point that she understands him better. 

I wish her luck.


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

Young at Heart said:


> This is the real question.
> 
> It could be she wants time to make her divorce planning so she can spring it on him or it could mean she has feelings for him that she needs to explore or she wants to better understand if he has remorse and will not do anything like that again..
> 
> ...




Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for all your feedbacks. Some of them are very hard to swallow but I am very grateful for everybody's honest inputs. I really wouldn't know what I have done without you all and without this forum.
I've been on the edge for so long and not been able to share all the details with anybody. Everyone's support here has made a tremendous impact. I am truly thankful.

I went to see a counsellor today and I only got 40 min with her. Is this normal?
I've never really seen therapists or counsellors before so I was also surprised with the way she was in general. She didn't show any empathy nor sympathy and was very matter of fact and basically conveyed it is my fault for staying with my husband.
She basically said "What in the world is wrong with you to not have walked away by now and know that NOBODY deserves what he has done to you" (re transgender prostitutes etc).

I am starting to really come to peace with the fact that leaving this marriage is the best for me and also him. I can't see myself ever trusting this man again and hate to feel paranoid about all the diseases I could potentially contract and household savings spent on sex workers + unnecessary and plentiful of luxury items. He also deserves a stable happy home and with what we've gone through so far, I don't think I will be able to give that to him and nor will he.
I must have been stuck in the denial and bargaining stage this whole time and really just hanging on to all the good memories and ideas I've had with+of him (I know, this part sounds so pathetic to most people), and also over-caring about him (i.e. his family lives in Europe so him and I are both away from our family, he has depression, traumatic past with his own father, etc).
My counsellor straight up pointed out to me that this train of thought is co-dependency and that I must focus on what makes ME happy. She also thinks that at the end of the day, I am the one that is trying to fit him into my ideals + expectations of how I want him and this marriage to be while he is at the end of the day, just who he is.

I also now recognize there's a lot of work I need to do for myself in general. I come from a very privileged childhood but with a father who was never present in my life.....Parents aren't divorced but he was just emotionally and also physically absent for as long as I can remember because his career was the number one important thing to his life.... I believe I am a fit and attractive individual but I always fell for the first male who gave me the care and attention I craved so much (always calling me, texting me, somewhat resembled my father in a sense of appearing succesful, etc). If they had this trait, I think I was always able to be blind on any red flags and I think I have to spend the next decade at least to figure myself out as I am clearly terrible at picking the right person for me, and I probably don't know exactly what I want because I am learning now that material things and luxurious things do not have much meaning to me.....

3 months is what he suggested that we try. One of the reason is because we just moved to the east coast from west. We discovered we can't file divorce papers unless one of us has been a resident here for 6 months total.... Another reason is that because I am a non-US citizen with a pending legal status in the USA, unless my travel authorization is granted (paper work in progress, which should also be granted in about 3 months time), if I do leave the USA, my application will be considered abandon which will almost permanently end the possibilities of us living together and having a life together in the US - IF some miracle happens and we decide we do want to stay married...3 months give or take will also allow me to plan my next move, etc.

There will be more updates I'm sure. In the meantime, please continue to share with me any inputs, wisdom, life experiences. I guess at the end of the day, what hurts the most is someone who I blindly trusted and loved turned out to be capable of such betrayal and full of skeletons in the closet... Most of you may just say that I did't know him well enough..... but I'm sure some may have experienced something similar. All in all, if you have anything more to share/say, please keep em comin! 



Also would like to add..... that I have been completely depressed, angry, ashamed, embarrassed with where things are headed, felt hopeless and unmotivated for way way way too long. I absolutely also feel like the biggest idiot for marrying someone who evidently turned out to be someone I didn't know or expect to be. I blame myself so much for all of this..... So if you have any tips on how I can stop bathing in all of this negativity, it will be great. Or how YOU got out of such a low, I will really appreciate it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Therelocatedwife said:


> I went to see a counsellor today and I only got 40 min with her. Is this normal?


Yes, they generally book appointments in one hours blocks. 40-45 minutes to talk to a patient/client and then 15-20 minutes to make notes and then review things for the next patient.



Therelocatedwife said:


> I've never really seen therapists or counsellors before so I was also surprised with the way she was in general. She didn't show any empathy nor sympathy and was very matter of fact and basically conveyed it is my fault for staying with my husband.


It's not the job of a counselor to give you empathy and sympathy. That’s what your friends are for. Her job it to help you navigate your issues and help you find a way to fix them.


Therelocatedwife said:


> She basically said "What in the world is wrong with you to not have walked away by now and know that NOBODY deserves what he has done to you" (re transgender prostitutes etc).


Actually, that is her empathizing with you. She said that “NOBODY deserves what he has done to you". That is empathy.
The rest of is just the truth. Your husband is 100% responsible for his bad behaviors. But you are 100% responsible for putting up with it, staying and letting him treat you this way. It’s a hard fact, but it’s one that you need to face.
Some counselors will just listen to you talk and not say much of anything. At least your counselor is one who will give you some good, solid feedback.


Therelocatedwife said:


> I am starting to really come to peace with the fact that leaving this marriage is the best for me and also him. I can't see myself ever trusting this man again and hate to feel paranoid about all the diseases I could potentially contract and household savings spent on sex workers + unnecessary and plentiful of luxury items. He also deserves a stable happy home and with what we've gone through so far, I don't think I will be able to give that to him and nor will he.
> I must have been stuck in the denial and bargaining stage this whole time and really just hanging on to all the good memories and ideas I've had with+of him (I know, this part sounds so pathetic to most people), and also over-caring about him (i.e. his family lives in Europe so him and I are both away from our family, he has depression, traumatic past with his own father, etc).
> My counsellor straight up pointed out to me that this train of thought is co-dependency and that I must focus on what makes ME happy. She also thinks that at the end of the day, I am the one that is trying to fit him into my ideals + expectations of how I want him and this marriage to be while he is at the end of the day, just who he is.
> I also now recognize there's a lot of work I need to do for myself in general. I come from a very privileged childhood but with a father who was never present in my life.....Parents aren't divorced but he was just emotionally and also physically absent for as long as I can remember because his career was the number one important thing to his life.... I believe I am a fit and attractive individual but I always fell for the first male who gave me the care and attention I craved so much (always calling me, texting me, somewhat resembled my father in a sense of appearing succesful, etc). If they had this trait, I think I was always able to be blind on any red flags and I think I have to spend the next decade at least to figure myself out as I am clearly terrible at picking the right person for me, and I probably don't know exactly what I want because I am learning now that material things and luxurious things do not have much meaning to me.....
> ...


So you start out real strong with “I am starting to really come to peace with the fact that leaving this marriage is the best for me and also him. I can't see myself ever trusting this man again” and by the end of the above part you talk yourself into the idea that you might still work it out with him.
How about this, if you cannot leave for 3 months for legal/practical reasons, you work on the details of filing divorce on the first day that you can. And in the mean time you do not work on your marriage, instead you are roommates. NO sex, nothing between you.
Get the book “Codependent No More” because you need to read it.

Codependency is when a person puts their own wellbeing aside to cater to the bad habits of their spouse. What happens is that the codependent person is spending all their energy trying to control their other person to get them to stop their bad behavior. Stop it. He’s responsible for his own bad behavior. You need to focus on yourself and how you will get away from this horrible situation with a lying, cheating, emotionally abusive spend thrift.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> So you start out real strong with “I am starting to really come to peace with the fact that leaving this marriage is the best for me and also him. I can't see myself ever trusting this man again” and by the end of the above part you talk yourself into the idea that you might still work it out with him.
> 
> Get the book “Codependent No More” because you need to read it.
> 
> Codependency is when a person puts their own wellbeing aside to cater to the bad habits of their spouse. What happens is that the codependent person is spending all their energy trying to control their other person to get them to stop their bad behavior. Stop it. He’s responsible for his own bad behavior. You need to focus on yourself and how you will get away from this horrible situation with a lying, cheating, emotionally abusive spend thrift.


If I could like this a million times, I would. I am the poster child for codependency. And, yes, you are rabidly codependent. This man is a bum. I'd bet the farm that he pulled a bait-and-switch. I married someone like this. We had great times together. Then we got married. Uh, not so great after the wedding ceremony. 

You deserve so much more than this. Now you need to value yourself enough to cut your losses. 

Ele is spot on with her assessment of your counselor. My take is you are approaching counseling in typical "codie" fashion and expecting the counselor to fulfill your expectations. Codependent expectations are not in sync with a healthy dynamic. All I can as is I hope you will get this horrible man out of your life as soon as it is legally feasible.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, this should be a dealbreaker. My Older Sis was in the same situation as you, but they had two children by the time she discovered that her husband was seeing prostitutes. Like you, she discovered that her husband had an affair & told my parents. My parents advised her to stay because she had two very young children and he was a physician. He provided them with a very posh life. So she stayed in a shaky marriage, but kept quiet about it.

On her tenth year of marriage, she was informed by her physician that she contracted STD. She went through a grueling series of treatments. Her experience prompted her to divorce her husband. She could possibly have died, leaving her children without a mother.

Divorce your husband. He has endangered your life. I believe he will do this again. It is best to cut your losses early on and without children. Tell your parents the real truth. Sorry you are here.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Any cheating or attempts to cheat is a deal breaker for me. I don't see how you can trust a man who did this.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

It would be a deal breaker for me. I would never respect a man who paid someone for sex. It is disgusting, lacking in self respect, disrespectful of women (even if the women in particular have no self respect anyway) and just....yuck! Same for a guy who had FWB or FBs.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Therelocatedwife said:


> Hi everyone,
> I also now recognize there's a lot of work I need to do for myself in general. I come from a very privileged childhood but with a father who was never present in my life.....Parents aren't divorced but he was just emotionally and also physically absent for as long as I can remember because his career was the number one important thing to his life.... I believe I am a fit and attractive individual but I always fell for the first male who gave me the care and attention I craved so much (always calling me, texting me, somewhat resembled my father in a sense of appearing succesful, etc). If they had this trait, I think I was always able to be blind on any red flags and I think I have to spend the next decade at least to figure myself out as I am clearly terrible at picking the right person for me, and I probably don't know exactly what I want because I am learning now that material things and luxurious things do not have much meaning to me.....


OP, it may help for you to read about EMS (early maladaptive schemas). They are basically patterns of behavior that result from one or more of the following 5 emotional needs not being met during childhood:

1. Secure attachments to others (includes safety, stability, nurturance, and acceptance)
2. Autonomy, competence, and sense of identity
3. Freedom to express valid needs and emotions
4. Spontaneity and play
5. Realistic limits and self-control

Your temperament suggests that the needs described in #3 were not adequately met during your childhood. Hence you would have difficulty with one or more of the following schemas:

Schema #12 - Subjugation
Schema #13 - Self sacrifice
Schema #14 - Approval seeking/recognition seeking

Here's a snippet on these EMS that may add some clarity:

"Domain IV: Other-Directedness
The patients in this domain place an excessive emphasis on meeting the needs of others rather than their own needs. They do this in order to gain approval, maintain emotional connection, or avoid retaliation. When interacting with others, they tend to focus almost exclusively on the responses of the other person rather than on their own needs, and often lack awareness of their own anger and preferences. As children, they were not free to follow their natural inclinations. As adults, rather than being directed internally, they are directed externally and follow the desires of others. The typical family origin is based on conditional acceptance: Children must restrain important aspects of themselves in order to obtain love or approval. In many such families, the parents value their own emotional needs or social “appearances” more than they value the unique needs of the child.

The Subjugation schema is an excessive surrendering of control to others because one feels coerced. The function of subjugation is usually to avoid anger, retaliation, or abandonment. The two major forms are: (1) subjugation of needs: suppressing one’s preferences or desires; and (2) subjugation of emotions: suppressing one’s emotional responses, especially anger. The schema usually involves the perception that one’s own needs and feelings are not valid or important. It frequently presents as excessive compliance and eagerness to please, combined with hypersensitivity to feeling trapped. Subjugation generally leads to a buildup of anger, manifested in maladaptive symptoms (e.g., passive–aggressive behavior, uncontrolled tempter outbursts, psychosomatic symptoms, or withdrawal of affection).

Patients with the Self-Sacrifice schema voluntarily meet the needs of others at the expense of their own gratification. They do this in order to spare others pain, avoid guilt, gain self-esteem, or maintain an emotional connection with someone they see as needy. The schema often results from an acute sensitivity to the suffering of others. It involves the sense that one’s own needs are not being adequately met and may lead to feelings of resentment. This schema overlaps with the 12-step concept of “codependency.”

Patients with the Approval-Seeking/Recognition-Seeking schema value gaining approval or recognition from other people over developing a secure and genuine sense of self. Their self-esteem is dependent on the reactions of others rather than on their own reactions. The schema often includes an excessive preoccupation with social status, appearance, money, or success as a means of gaining approval or recognition. It frequently results in major life decisions that are inauthentic and unsatisfying."

It should be interesting for you to ponder your response to your therapist's approach. From the outside, it seems in line with schema #14. In much the same way you placed so much emphasis on the opinion of your parents who suggested you stay in the situation, despite your own feelings about your situation. Similarly you failed to share with them the details of your husband's use of prostitutes. Your concern over appearances/opinions of others is causing you adopt and suffer with shame that is not yours to bear. 

The consequences of your husband's poor choices are his to bear and are not a reflection of who you are. When you own the shame/disappointment of his actions, it inhibits your ability to make the rational decision to allow him to suffer the consequences of his actions. The conflict here is that you are so concerned with the opinions of others and placing your husband's needs above your own that if you stay you're forced to live with the shame of his actions+the shame of staying with someone with poor values whereas if you leave you're also concerned about the disapproval of your family+opinions of others.


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Yes, they generally book appointments in one hours blocks. 40-45 minutes to talk to a patient/client and then 15-20 minutes to make notes and then review things for the next patient.
> 
> 
> It's not the job of a counselor to give you empathy and sympathy. That’s what your friends are for. Her job it to help you navigate your issues and help you find a way to fix them.
> ...



EleGirl,

Thank you for breaking down my response and guiding me through. I found my counsellor to be a little harsh but I think that bluntness was exactly what I needed right now. She also recommended that I read the book "Too good to leave, Too bad to stay" so now I've downloaded the book you've recommended me and this other book. 

I love the suggestion you've made to me on how to spend the next 3 months. What's difficult now is that we've reconciled on Friday and agreed to see how the next 3 months goes... So ever since, I've been on my *work on marriage* mode (I know, stupid me but I'm ALWAYS the one that caves in after a fight or argument), so things have been going way better than it has been.... The only thing is that I KNOW my husband and I are both thinking at the back of our minds like "I wonder how many days this will last for...."......

I also noticed that ever since we had our brink of a divorce fight last week, the iPad which he used to share the password (he agreed to share all passwords for all his devices including gmail, phone, laptop, iPad, etc ever since I found out about the prostitutes as part of the deal on working on rebuilding trust) was changed. I don't think he changed it because he was going to find a prostitute after that explosive fight when I left to spend the night at the hotel, but more so to communicate with his mother about what's been going on (did I mention he is EXTREMELY close with his mother? He also even has a joint account with her - when he denied to have one with me, and when his mother lives all the way in Europe....he OF COURSE hasn't told her that root of my "moodiness" as he calls it is because of his infidelity with transgender sex workers..)......(I also haven't checked his other devices like gmail, laptop, phone etc to see if he changed passwords on EVERYTHING. So far, I know he did on his iPad...). Ever since, he never owned up to it by saying "I am not sharing my passwords with you", but said "We all deserve a little privacy",completely dismissing the fact that I agree with that but in my view, he's lost that right since his betrayal....... I feel like I am back at square one and it makes me convinced again that he has something to hide...(most of you are probably thinking "DUUHHHH??")

Anyway, I am sure I will bring this up soon when the time is right and my guess is he will be on the defensive and I bet there will be another argument....  But maybe that's a good thing... the final cue to pull the plug maybe...

Thank you again EleGirl. Will keep you posted.


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

Prodigal said:


> If I could like this a million times, I would. I am the poster child for codependency. And, yes, you are rabidly codependent. This man is a bum. I'd bet the farm that he pulled a bait-and-switch. I married someone like this. We had great times together. Then we got married. Uh, not so great after the wedding ceremony.
> 
> You deserve so much more than this. Now you need to value yourself enough to cut your losses.
> 
> Ele is spot on with her assessment of your counselor. My take is you are approaching counseling in typical "codie" fashion and expecting the counselor to fulfill your expectations. Codependent expectations are not in sync with a healthy dynamic. All I can as is I hope you will get this horrible man out of your life as soon as it is legally feasible.



Prodigal,

Thanks to you too. I love your comments. They are very straight to the point and so honest, and you are looking out for my best interest. I appreciate you sharing your life experiences and how you've managed to get yourself out of a very similar situation. You are totally right about my "codie" attitude I had towards my counselling session. I also wasn't too sure what to expect to be honest. Never really had one before but reflecting back, I am glad it was not a pity fest which I thought it would be in the beginning while I was in the state of "why is this happening to me, poor me....". 

So if you consider you've gone through a codependency stage before, will you please share with me how you got yourself out? If you have that tendency, how do you ensure you don't get back into something similar in the future? Also, what I find the most difficult, and as PATHETIC as it sounds, I can't stop functioning in a way that if he is nice to me, or does something as little as bring me a cup of tea - to - plan a nice dinner out, etc, I end up allowing myself to stay with him, that stupid "thinking back about all the good memories" state and try to find ways and reasons I should stay.....of course, this train of thought doesn't last. I always end up snapping back out of it or I'm reminded again that he is not someone I can spend the rest of my life with, and not a great man I think he is/ want him to be...How did you stop yourself in the past from justifying your partner's bad behavior?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Therelocatedwife said:


> I would also would like to add..... that I have been completely depressed, angry, ashamed, embarrassed with where things are headed, felt hopeless and unmotivated for way way way too long. I absolutely also feel like the biggest idiot for marrying someone who evidently turned out to be someone I didn't know or expect to be. I blame myself so much for all of this..... So if you have any tips on how I can stop bathing in all of this negativity, it will be great. Or how YOU got out of *such a low*, I will really appreciate it.


'Such a low', as this, is the key to getting better.

Since you are at the Nadir, the bottom point of the forward swinging pendulum, things can only get better, go higher.

It has already started to get better. You came her and had your views and your head cleared.

The only thing that you could have done different was waiting a little longer. You married him, this fool.

Shame on him. What a selfish man.

I look at it this way.....
What did you gain, what did you lose?

You gained perspective, you learned that most people live for themselves.

You learned what it means to be married.

You learned that when someone loves you [as much as or more] than themselves, they will live for you.
Do right by you.

You learned this lesson, this tragedy with your husband, your marriage,* quickly.* It did not drag out for years upon years.

You can easily start over, once your legal status gets settled.

You are not damaged physically. 

You are wounded mentally, and the mind, minds itself.



What did you lose?

You lost him. Him out of your life. Soon

You are not alone. 
Some fifty percent of marriages fail. 
Fail, often for good reasons. Yours is a good reason.



TRQ-


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

Roselyn said:


> OP, this should be a dealbreaker. My Older Sis was in the same situation as you, but they had two children by the time she discovered that her husband was seeing prostitutes. Like you, she discovered that her husband had an affair & told my parents. My parents advised her to stay because she had two very young children and he was a physician. He provided them with a very posh life. So she stayed in a shaky marriage, but kept quiet about it.
> 
> On her tenth year of marriage, she was informed by her physician that she contracted STD. She went through a grueling series of treatments. Her experience prompted her to divorce her husband. She could possibly have died, leaving her children without a mother.
> 
> Divorce your husband. He has endangered your life. I believe he will do this again. It is best to cut your losses early on and without children. Tell your parents the real truth. Sorry you are here.



Roselyn, 

Thank you for sharing your story with me and I'm so sorry for your sister. I hope she is ok now and has found happiness since moving on. What I'm very curious about is did she tell your parents that he was having an affair and omit the fact that it was with prostitutes (like I did)? If so, how long did your parents not find out and would you say that had they known the truth that he was sleeping with prostitutes, their suggestion to stay would have been different?

I know everybody is telling me to go with what's important to ME and not my parents' opinion but I can't help but wonder how it was for your sister's situation. 

Also, based on what your sister has told you, was there any remorse from her ex husband? Especially after DDay? Even before I met my husband, I thought anybody who pays for sex is absolutely disgusting and lacks in ethical/moral thinking + behaviour. I'm starting to think that the JOHNS don't quite think so. They think it's a service they pay for so they might think it's just as bad as smoking a joint maybe???
Since DDay in OCT2017 and confrontation in NOV2017, I demanded that we have couples' counselling as I had no idea how in the world I can go on in this marriage, betrayed so early on in what I thought was going to be an exciting start to a new life and starting a family.....I also thought HE needed help. HOW IN THE WORLD did he think it was ok to seek for sex from transgender sex workers before asking a girl to marry him 2 weeks later??? I thought there was something deeply wrong with him. Narcissism? Extreme selfishness and lack of ability to think about other people's feeling, being reckless and risking both our lives and health, etc, etc. 
So in March he FINALLY arranged marriage counselling but ONLINE marriage counselling (rolling eyes), which I am finding to be totally useless....Anyway, his comment around it was "All I can say is that I am sorry and I don't know what else to say". The other thing is, he was even lying to the counsellor about how many times he's actually done this when I KNOW based on the iPad messages that I read that these tendencies had been happening from at least a few years prior to what he claims.....(to the counsellor he said he used to just only message as he was curious and has since only had sex with prostitutes twice.).....

Anyways, thank you Roselyn. I am almost there. I just need to walk away and will keep you and everyone updated. It's just so hard at the same time because at the end of the day, he IS the man I loved and probably still love. But you're right. I deserve better.


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Any cheating or attempts to cheat is a deal breaker for me. I don't see how you can trust a man who did this.




Diana7,

Agree and that was my number one policy from forever ago. Honesty, respect, kindness, and integrity, are some of the things I value the most in life. Being cheated on was probably my biggest fear in life and it happened to me. I KNOW that I can't trust this man or even respect him again. But then there's that side of me, who loved him, and who wants to believe this is just a bad dream and forgive him..... I am completely traumatized and I know what is best for me would be to leave him... I think me coming to this forum and getting everyone's help is the process I need myself to go through to feel strong enough to say goodbye.


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

Araucaria said:


> It would be a deal breaker for me. I would never respect a man who paid someone for sex. It is disgusting, lacking in self respect, disrespectful of women (even if the women in particular have no self respect anyway) and just....yuck! Same for a guy who had FWB or FBs.




Araucaria, 

Couldn't agree more!!! I've felt that way about about men and prostitutes for 600 years. It was just so far far farrrr beyond my moral consciousness to ever even consider dating a man like that, let alone marry one. What's further upsetting is I had jokingly asked my husband whether he had paid for sex before on numerous occasions while we dated, because the topic came up in conversations randomly (I was talking about some of my male colleagues who I KNOW used sex services - I worked in investment banking with lots of men with power+money, yes, ew+gross). He always said "No way" and flat out denied it. We also had been on the topic of cheaters, infidelity, etc while we dated and he knew how opposed I was of cheaters and liars. He used to also always assure me "You would always know when I'm lying because I am a horrible liar". I now know - I was conned to the maximum. Blindly trusted this man who I clearly didn't know.

But you know what, reflecting back, there were other red flags. I just missed them or chose to believe he was just joking. These were after we were married but I remember I was disgusted to hear about someone cheating and he laughed and said "What if she never finds out?". The other one was we used to have sex few times a week and this one week, we hadn't had any......I laughed and apologized how I wasn't in the mood as I was feeling bloated, and he laughed and said "Well, if you are not available, there are always other means.....".

SO YEA. I don't know how I can trust again. I am traumatized and ashamed of myself. I blame myself too for getting myself into this mess. I have to be very careful for the rest of my life going forward....


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I would say it's a dealbreaker because it's an indication of his moral values. Do not look at this as a single fault. Rather, look at it as indicative of what type of morals he has. So even if you can somehow get past this current issue, there will likely be many such issues going forward in your relationship. In my experience, people like him can clean up their act in the short term, but they will always revert to who they are at the core. It will be work for him to be a better man, and sometimes he will tire of doing that work.

As for your parents, they may never understand. They may come from a culture where married people stay together no matter what. They may expect you to forgive him for this any any future indiscretions he may have as well. However, they may not have the same expectations from him. They may think all the failings in the marriage are your fault and that it's up to you to patch things up. Hopefully that's not the case, but you may have to choose between making them happy and being happy yourself.


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> OP, it may help for you to read about EMS (early maladaptive schemas). They are basically patterns of behavior that result from one or more of the following 5 emotional needs not being met during childhood:
> 
> 1. Secure attachments to others (includes safety, stability, nurturance, and acceptance)
> 2. Autonomy, competence, and sense of identity
> ...




Keke24,

Thank you for your very detailed analysis. You just blew my mid. I will be reading up on EMS for sure and if you have any tips on how to treat someone like above, please share with me where I can find this info..
I feel like what you've posted above makes sense of everything I've experienced so far in my life (I just turned 30 this year).....And I am also starting to see a pattern in the relationships I've had with men and also people in general.

So much of above is completely spot on with me: 1) My excessive emphasis on meeting other people's needs rather than my own 2) Self sacrifice 3) Being a people pleaser 4) Deep insecurity like I don't deserve anything good in life 5) Extremely high expectations for myself and my husband, etc etc the list goes on.....In the end, I always feel like people don't treat me as good as I am to them, and I get so exhausted and hurt. I thought I was maybe a bit of an introvert but reading about this makes me think there might be something deeper...

I also would like to add a bit more details as I have a feeling I also fall into several others in EMS based on a quick read I just had.......
Since I was very young, my family moved around countries as my father had executive positions in a corporate world to manage companies abroad. It was a life of privilege and luxury but reflecting back, it definitely had a long term impact on who I am today.
By the time I was going to University, I had gone to 10 different schools, as of now I've lived in 7 different countries, and I moved within a school/cities/countries every 2 to 3 years my entire life until I started university.

During most of this, my father was too busy for anyone of us in the family, while my mother and I also had a hard time connecting. Her way of discipline was old school -slap in the face until I had a nose bleed was normal (everybody, please don't get me wrong. My parents and I get along great now. I love them to bits and they love me too, they are wonderful people and I respect them immensely.). 

Looking back, I now recognize so many of my friends I've had since I left home at 18 and started uni would tell me how hard on myself I am, and that I have every quality to feel more confident (education, physically fit, background, etc). I also remember my boyfriends often crying out that all they want for me is to be happy when we get in arguments...... Therefore, so much of what you've posted regarding EMS seem to make a lot of sense to me......

I always thought things happen for a reason and now I am starting to even think that while what's happened with my husband is horrible and there might be something wrong for him to have done that to me, maybe I am just as deeply flawed......and that this is all happening because I need to truly learn who I am to reach true peace and happiness...

Thank you so much and if you have additional comments/feedbacks, I will be most grateful.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Therelocatedwife said:


> I know everybody is telling me to go with what's important to ME and not my parents' opinion but I can't help but wonder how it was for your sister's situation.


But the thing is, unless something has changed in the past couple of days, your parents don't know the truth...because you can't bring yourself to tell them the truth.

So they think he had another girlfriend when he was also pursuing and supposedly exclusive with you. Therefore, they think maybe you should give it another chance.

But if they knew the actual truth, that he has hired trans prostitutes, do you really think they would be saying you should give him another chance?

You can't lie to someone, let them form an opinion about the topic, and then expect to understand or know their actual opinion. They can't form one because you haven't told them the truth.

However - you know exactly what they WOULD say if they did know the truth. That's why you didn't tell them. You are still more concerned about your image in the eyes of others (most especially your parents) than you are about protecting yourself from unwanted harm that is being hurled at you.

This is a very unhealthy thing and will cause you more and more pain. 

The counselor you saw who didn't let you cry on her shoulder, but instead told you that your situation is a result of the choices your have made - and therefore, if you don't like the results, the power is in your hands to change your choices - she actually acted appropriately to your situation. If instead she had shown a lot of sympathy and "oh poor dears" toward you, she would have been doing you a dis-service and it would be tacitly encouraging you to stay in the position you are in right now.

I'm not saying you should necessarily tell your parents the whole story. Just don't expect to hear their actual opinions, because you haven't.

If you were my daughter and this had happened and you didn't tell me the whole story, I would wonder what in the heck was going wrong in your head and what do I need to do to stage an intervention and get you the hell away from him.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Therelocatedwife said:


> So if you consider you've gone through a codependency stage before, will you please share with me how you got yourself out? If you have that tendency, how do you ensure you don't get back into something similar in the future?


I don't consider my codependency a stage; I consider it a condition that is a part of who I am. It's the result of my upbringing. And, believe me, my parents were clueless when it came to parenting. I got into Al-Anon in 1996 because I was married to an alcoholic. Through that, along with loads of counseling, I was able to learn self-respect, how to set and enforce boundaries for my own well-being, and how to recognize when I was having a "codie" moment. Although not as common, there are CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) meetings. I also attended those for a number of years. 



Therelocatedwife said:


> How did you stop yourself in the past from justifying your partner's bad behavior?


I learned to love myself more.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Therelocatedwife said:


> Araucaria,
> 
> But you know what, reflecting back, *there were other red flags. I just missed them or chose to believe he was just joking. *These were after we were married but I remember I was disgusted to hear about someone cheating and he laughed and said _*"What if she never finds out?"*_. The other one was we used to have sex few times a week and this one week, we hadn't had any......I laughed and apologized how I wasn't in the mood as I was feeling bloated, and he laughed and said _*"Well, if you are not available, there are always other means.....".*_
> 
> SO YEA. I don't know how I can trust again. I am traumatized and ashamed of myself. I blame myself too for getting myself into this mess. I have to be very careful for the rest of my life going forward....


Non cynical people want to believe the best about people. Now that you know you were lied to and taken for a fool, you will hopefully wonder how a seemingly decent person could even think such a thing, much less say it out loud.

The second one wouldn't have upset me, as long as I know he preferred me over his own hand. How would have though a married man was eluding to live women...prostitutes?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

My comments will be inside your quote in blue.


Therelocatedwife said:


> EleGirl,
> I love the suggestion you've made to me on how to spend the next 3 months. What's difficult now is that we've reconciled on Friday and agreed to see how the next 3 months goes... So ever since, I've been on my **work on marriage* mode *(I know, stupid me but I'm ALWAYS the one that caves in after a fight or argument), so things have been going way better than it has been.
> 
> ... The only thing is that I KNOW my husband and I are both thinking at the back of our minds like "I wonder how many days this will last for...."......
> ...


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, my sister did not tell my parents nor siblings about the prostitutes who my ex-brother in-law used. She only told us of an affair. It only came to light when she had to go to the STD treatments and needed assistance to care for her children. If my parents have known about the prostitutes, I'm 100% sure that they would have told her to leave.

There was no remorse from my ex-brother in law. He felt entitled as he was the breadwinner. My Sis gave up a career to care for 2 children. He fought hard in the California courts and the divorce was not finalized until a year passed. My Sis ran out of funds and my folks had to mortgage their home to pay for her court costs. My Sis went back to school & became a lawyer, got the house, children, vehicles, alimony and got her life straightened out. My folks got repaid. My Sis never remarried & children all grown up now.

I hope you can move on and quickly. You are without children and for this, you are lucky.


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> 'Such a low', as this, is the key to getting better.
> 
> Since you are at the Nadir, the bottom point of the forward swinging pendulum, things can only get better, go higher.
> 
> ...



SunCMars,

Your response has truly touched me. I have even copy pasted to my note pad so I can refer back to it when I'm feeling down. It helps me feel extremely positive despite the current mess I am in.

Thank you so much for your wise comments. You've absolutely made my day


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> But the thing is, unless something has changed in the past couple of days, your parents don't know the truth...because you can't bring yourself to tell them the truth.
> 
> So they think he had another girlfriend when he was also pursuing and supposedly exclusive with you. Therefore, they think maybe you should give it another chance.
> 
> ...


Faithful Wife, 

You are totally right. So far, I haven't been able to come forward to my parents about the truth so I should not let their feedback consume me as they certainly don't have the entire picture.

You and others have helped me realize that I am caring too much about what other people think. I think it's in a way to protect myself as I am truly ashamed and embarrassed. But also because of the love I still have for him.....I don't want my parents to think any less of him....Keke24 also pointed out that I likely have a deeper issue such as EMS, which I would be reading into to figure out how in the world I have allowed myself to be in this mess. However, I now recognize that I've always had this tendency to self sacrifice, prioritize other people's needs at the expense of mine, low self-esteem, my parents opinions always mattered too much, etc. So I am grateful in a way that you guys pointing this out to me is allowing me to have a deeper look into myself. Feel like I almost got the online intervention! haha.

Anyway, lots of work to do, I agree. But thank you so much for your honest feedback and helping me open my eyes more.


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## musicftw07 (Jun 23, 2016)

Araucaria said:


> My comments will be inside your quote in blue.
> 
> 
> Therelocatedwife said:
> ...


Fantastic post. This is all great advice.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Him changing his passwords just means he's going to take his screwing around farther underground. That is a very bad sign. If he doesn't comply, his ass needs to be kicked right the heck out.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Therelocatedwife said:


> Keke24,
> 
> Thank you for your very detailed analysis. You just blew my mid. I will be reading up on EMS for sure and if you have any tips on how to treat someone like above, please share with me where I can find this info..
> I feel like what you've posted above makes sense of everything I've experienced so far in my life (I just turned 30 this year).....And I am also starting to see a pattern in the relationships I've had with men and also people in general.
> ...


I'm glad you've found this information helpful OP. It was quite the eye opener for me when my psychologist shared it. Schema-focused therapy exists to tackle individual schemas that one may struggle with. You can run a search to see if there are any cognitive behavioral psychologists specializing in schema-focused therapy who can provide specialized counseling for you. It may seem overwhelming but you have already begun the journey through the first step - awareness.

It's important to understand OP that your struggle with these schemas is not a reflection of you as a bad person, it is a direct reflection of poor parenting. Your internal defense mechanism are probably going a little haywire now because you feel the need to defend your parents like you did in the bolded above. Recall that Domain IV EMS occur due to the following:

_The typical family origin is based on conditional acceptance: Children must restrain important aspects of themselves in order to obtain love or approval. In many such families, the parents value their own emotional needs or social “appearances” more than they value the unique needs of the child._

Whether subconsciously or not, the fact is that at least one of your parents placed their needs above yours. Throughout your childhood you have been conditioned to believe that you have to protect your parents emotionally, you have to behave a certain way to avoid bringing shame to the family, that your emotions/feelings take a backburner to your parents'. This makes it difficult for you as an adult to be objective about their faults and the mistakes they made during their childhood. It makes it difficult for you to think back to all the times you felt rejected, unloved and abandoned as a child. Because throughout these childhood events you were made to feel that these emotions were not valid instead the focus was probably on you realizing how lucky you were to have a life of privilege and luxury.

I grew up in a very abusive home, having to run to grab hold of my father and beg him to stop after hearing him threaten to kill my mom, level abusive. Despite my upbringing, up until I started counseling a few months ago, I was convinced my mom was one of the most caring persons I knew and I looked up to my father. Only now am I coming to terms with the fact that these folks sucked butt. They were terrrrrrrible parents. My aunts recently requested a family meeting with my siblings and I because they wanted to share their experience as sisters to an abused woman, apologize for failing to do more to help us and figure out how to be more supportive to us now. My mother advised me that I would be bringing shame to the family if I chose to participate in that meeting and share any details of the abuse that occurred. A year ago I would have felt guilty hearing that from my mom, today I recognize that it is another example of her conditioning me into placing her needs/social appearances above mines, another example of her invalidating my feelings, another example of her manipulating me into bearing the shame and suffering the consequences of her actions.

It is important to be able to recognize the ways in which your parents demonstrate ignorance of these five crucial emotional needs:

1. Secure attachments to others (includes safety, stability, nurturance, and acceptance)
2. Autonomy, competence, and sense of identity
3. Freedom to express valid needs and emotions
4. Spontaneity and play
5. Realistic limits and self-control

Only then can you avoid repeating their mistakes and subconsciously compounding the emotional abuse that your child will be exposed to. Otherwise, your future son/daughter will have to deal with grandparents who will put their needs above his/hers and their mothers, and a mother who's subconsciously overcompensating for needs that went unmet during childhood and inadvertently repeating the cycle of emotional abuse that she was exposed to.

I encourage you to read up more on EMS and make an attempt to write down examples of the ways in which your parents failed to meet the needs listed above during your childhood. It will chip away at that pedestal you've placed your parents on. You do not owe your parents your admiration, that should be earned. There's a lot more to parenting than providing food and shelter.


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

Therelocatedwife said:


> Hello,
> 
> I originally posted this on Ladies' Lounge but I wanted to repost on the General Discussion page... If you've seen this post already, please ignore.
> 
> ...



UPDATE!!!

Everyone, thank you so much for your continued support.
I am happy to update you that we are 100% taking the steps to divorce now. The ticket back home is now booked, my belongings packed away, and I will fly home in 2 days. I feel excitement and hope for the first time in a really long time. It took so long but feels so liberating to finally acknowledge that what my husband did with prostitutes behind my back are unforgivable, and his spending habits and moral values in general are not compatible with mine. 
My parents are giving me the full support in this decision and I am truly grateful. I also will not share the details with his family or friends, and will be leaving in peace.

I am a little worried and scared about what the future holds, but I know the power is in my hands.

So grateful for this platform. Thank you all so much and hope your day is going well. x


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Therelocatedwife said:


> My parents are giving me the full support in this decision and I am truly grateful.


This is wonderful news! You must be so relieved to have your parents support. 

Obviously, it's sad that the relationship didn't work out as you hoped, but it's clear you have learned a lot by going through this experience. I'm confident that your future will be much brighter. No doubt you will meet a lot of toads along the way, but I'm sure you'll now be better able to spot which one is really a prince.


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

wilson said:


> This is wonderful news! You must be so relieved to have your parents support.
> 
> Obviously, it's sad that the relationship didn't work out as you hoped, but it's clear you have learned a lot by going through this experience. I'm confident that your future will be much brighter. No doubt you will meet a lot of toads along the way, but I'm sure you'll now be better able to spot which one is really a prince.


Thank you so much for your continued support wilson


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Therelocatedwife said:


> UPDATE!!!
> 
> Everyone, thank you so much for your continued support.
> I am happy to update you that we are 100% taking the steps to divorce now. The ticket back home is now booked, my belongings packed away, and I will fly home in 2 days. I feel excitement and hope for the first time in a really long time. It took so long but feels so liberating to finally acknowledge that what my husband did with prostitutes behind my back are unforgivable, and his spending habits and moral values in general are not compatible with mine.
> ...


The fact that you sound relieved is a great sign that you are doing the right thing. I'm so happy for you OP, this was a long time coming.

Best of wishes and kudos to you for following through what could not have been an easy decision. Seriously, clap yourself on your back for standing up for your self-respect.


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> The fact that you sound relieved is a great sign that you are doing the right thing. I'm so happy for you OP, this was a long time coming.
> 
> Best of wishes and kudos to you for following through what could not have been an easy decision. Seriously, clap yourself on your back for standing up for your self-respect.




Keke24!!!!!! You're my angel. Thank you so much for your support. I will be working on myself tons going forward to have more confidence and respect for myself so I don't end up in these relationships in the future... Not that I will be looking for a really long time. I am at the airport now and I am worried about what the future holds but I will keep my chin up. I hope you take care too x


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