# still working together!



## frozensprouts (Aug 1, 2009)

Hi
my husband I are are back together and in counseling together, and I really like the counselor we are seeing- she is really helpful.

My problem is that my husband still works everyday with the girl he started having his affair with ( he is in the military, and he is her boss where they both work. He is due to be deployed in a month for seven months, so he won't be around her then- the unit where they both work won't move either one of them). I hate that he sees her every day. He does let me know every day what type of "contact" he has had with her, as he says that way I will know what is going on. everyday he tells me that there will be "nothing going on' between the two of them, and he is spending pretty much of his "non-work" time at home with me, and we seem to be getting along really well. But, even though I know he is trying really hard to help build trust, I still can't fully trust him, and that makes me really sad.
How long does it usually take before someone can start to feel that they have to stop constantly worrying that their spouse will decide to leave again? It make sme feel ill to think of the two of them working together!


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

You're kidding. The unit won't move either of them? Is this what he says or ?? 

Have you talked with his CO?

I can't answer your bigger question. I have no idea. I'd never trust again but that's just me.


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## frozensprouts (Aug 1, 2009)

" Default Re: still working together!
You're kidding. The unit won't move either of them? Is this what he says or ??

Have you talked with his CO?

I can't answer your bigger question. I have no idea. I'd never trust again but that's just me. "


His trade in the military is "short traded" right now, which means that they have too few people for the positions that exist, and once one is filled, the CO's don't want to let them go ( the same is true for her).
He did find out yesterday that he is definately going for a two week session of briefings, etc. in another province, and then getting deployed in about six weeks and will be gone for seven months. I don't like him being away, but at least he will be away from her ( she has already moved on to somebody else, so hopefully she'll be a non-issue when he gets back.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Frozensprouts, I am so sorry to learn of your situation. I too would be very upset if my DH worked with an ex-lover. In fact I insisted that mine change his job (he previously traveled) to work locally, which he did, even though he and his ex-lover did not work together.

We had been married for more than twenty years at the time of his affair, and I trusted him more than virtually anyone. I basically had no rules, boundaries or limitations for him. I certainly do now, though.

In my previous marriage my XDH was a serial cheater. It never mattered where we lived, he cheated. He was in the USMC for three years and we were married for seven years. I finally realized he was never going to change and I refused to put up with the cheating anymore and divorced him. He remarried and promptly began cheating on his new wife, who put up with it until he died. (yes, she knew) They had been married for almost twenty-five years.

Take Care, Hon - I wish you the very best.


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