# Got drunk and told hubs' cuckold fantasy. Now what?



## nandosbella

I made a huge drunken mistake about a month ago... So drunken, I'm not entirely sure everything that happened. My husband was out of the country for about a month visiting family. While he was gone we would text for hours on end every day, but mostly about sex. Our communication improved imensly during this time. Although he did inform me he had a really really really strong cuckold fantasy. We talked about this fantasy day after day, hur after hour. Why he wanted it.. why I didn't want it... blah blah blah. The point is he infected my brain with this fantasy to the point where I became obsessed. 

The last thing I wanted was for him to feel like I wanted to be pleased by another man. So back to the drunken mistake part... I'm pretty sure I told his best friend about it. In such a way that I suggested that I would only do it with someone we trust. Wink wink. I may have also sent a picture of my naughties. In my defense I made the initial contact but it was only to make sure they had not coordinated for the friend to pick him up from the airport thru text, and he started blowing up my phone. I knew I was too smashed to talk which is why I texted. 

So he's been back for 2 weeks and saw said friend 2 days after he got back. Ever since he's been super distant, ignores me mostly, claims nothing is ever wrong. Im 95% sure this friend spilled the beans, but can't say anything. And he's not saying anything. .. I'm sure he's embrassed both by my drunken behavior as well as telling an embrassing fantasy. Any advice appreciated, guys!


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## PBear

Stop drinking?

C


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## tom67

:slap:
You are going to have to give him time on this one.
Put yourself in his shoes he is wondering what else you did while he was gone.
Don't know what else to say.:scratchhead:


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## nandosbella

I already stopped drinking. I only drank on the weekends, but I definitely don't want to make anything worse. Thanks.


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## the guy

Wait a minute.....this guy fantasies about sharing his old lady and then OP goes off and tells their guy friend .....WTF.

Do what "normal" folks do and find some strange!

Seriously....their called fantasy for a reason and OP took it into reality!


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## the guy

Its been said...what folks say when their drunk, is what they really mean.

Girl you and your old man need to sit down and face this head on ....start by setting some boundaries, expectations and reassurances that this kind of thing won't happen again unless both parties are on the same page.


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## tom67

the guy said:


> Wait a minute.....this guy fantasies about sharing his old lady and then OP goes off and tells their guy friend .....WTF.
> 
> Do what "normal" folks do and find some strange!
> 
> Seriously....their called fantasy for a reason and OP took it into reality!


:iagree:
I think he was joking but I tell you whenever someone brings up open marriage or this cuckold crap it never ends well.


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## the guy

tom67 said:


> :iagree:
> I think he was joking but I tell you whenever someone brings up open marriage or this cuckold crap it never ends well.


I won't even loan a tool out much less loan my old lady out! But then again I keep my tools locked in the shed. 

Hum....

Back in the day I wish I had a bigger shed


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## Philat

nandosbella said:


> The point is he infected my brain with this fantasy to the point where I became obsessed.


So whose fantasy is it really, at this point?


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## over20

nandosbella said:


> I made a huge drunken mistake about a month ago... So drunken, I'm not entirely sure everything that happened. My husband was out of the country for about a month visiting family. While he was gone we would text for hours on end every day, but mostly about sex. Our communication improved imensly during this time. Although he did inform me he had a really really really strong cuckold fantasy. We talked about this fantasy day after day, hur after hour. Why he wanted it.. why I didn't want it... blah blah blah. The point is he infected my brain with this fantasy to the point where I became obsessed.
> 
> The last thing I wanted was for him to feel like I wanted to be pleased by another man. So back to the drunken mistake part... I'm pretty sure I told his best friend about it. In such a way that I suggested that I would only do it with someone we trust. Wink wink. I may have also sent a picture of my naughties. In my defense I made the initial contact but it was only to make sure they had not coordinated for the friend to pick him up from the airport thru text, and he started blowing up my phone. I knew I was too smashed to talk which is why I texted.
> 
> So he's been back for 2 weeks and saw said friend 2 days after he got back. Ever since he's been super distant, ignores me mostly, claims nothing is ever wrong. Im 95% sure this friend spilled the beans, but can't say anything. And he's not saying anything. .. I'm sure he's embrassed both by my drunken behavior as well as telling an embrassing fantasy. Any advice appreciated, guys!


You were to smashed to "talk" but you could "text"...:scratchhead:


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## couple

Regarding the friend, just forget about it. If it comes up in any way, stick to the position that it was just a joke. A bad joke caused by drunkenness but just a joke. Don't get caught in the trap of serious analysis. If this molehill starts to turn into a mountain, just apologize for a bad and stupid joke. that's it.

For the cuckold fantasy that you both now have, you need to talk that out and explore it more to understand both of your feelings on it. everyone is different but I would be very careful about taking it to reality.

Why is he giving you the silent treatment? Maybe now that he's back face to face with you, the nature of the text conversations that you've had embarrasses him now. As I understand it, you have not really talked about this before he left for his trip so this is the first time he's had to face you since you've shared these very intimate thoughts.

Or, if you let him know that you would/could be with another man, he may have been taken back by this and feels shocked and threatened that you would want this. Strange but I think these things can cause confusion and mixed feelings in men and men need to be careful what they ask for in this area as they may be surprised by the response. So maybe he knows in his head that you did nothing wrong in exploring his fantasy with him but in his heart he feels a little betrayed that you 'want' to be with another man (even if in fantasy only).


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## Jellybeans

Give it a whirl and let us know how it turns out.


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## Jellybeans

Not sure what's with all the vagueness.



nandosbella said:


> I'm pretty sure I told his best friend about it.


You either did or didn't. Own it. 



nandosbella said:


> In such a way that I suggested that I would only do it with someone we trust. Wink wink. I may have also sent a picture of my naughties.


Cheating.



nandosbella said:


> . Im 95% sure this friend spilled the beans, but can't say anything.


Maybe he showed your husband the "naughties" you sent him.

My bet is the friendship between you guys and this friend is forever changed. Your husband probably thinks you want to fck his friend. 

Be careful what you wish for?


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## clipclop2

You know what you did. Talk to your husband. I'm surprised he didn't freak out on you for it but he probably feels guilty that he caused the problem. He also probably thinks you are a liar because you said you didn't want this. He also thinks you are into his friend. And his friend now thinks your husband is a ***** who wants to share his wife with other men.

And you never crossed boundaries like this before? I would find that difficult to believe.


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## Caribbean Man

nandosbella said:


> 1] *I made a huge drunken mistake about a month ago... So drunken, I'm not entirely sure everything that happened. My husband was out of the country for about a month visiting family. While he was gone we would text for hours on end every day, but mostly about sex. Our communication improved imensly during this time. Although he did inform me he had a really really really strong cuckold fantasy. *
> 
> 2] *We talked about this fantasy day after day, hur after hour. Why he wanted it.. why I didn't want it... blah blah blah. The point is he infected my brain with this fantasy to the point where I became obsessed. *
> 
> The last thing I wanted was for him to feel like I wanted to be pleased by another man. So back to the drunken mistake part... I'm pretty sure I told his best friend about it. In such a way that I suggested that I would only do it with someone we trust. Wink wink. I may have also sent a picture of my naughties. In my defense I made the initial contact but it was only to make sure they had not coordinated for the friend to pick him up from the airport thru text, and he started blowing up my phone. I knew I was too smashed to talk which is why I texted.


Based on what I've read here your husband seems to be pulling a classic passive aggressive bait and switch move on you , and you fell for it.

He probably had a change of mind or was ashamed of revealing that fantasy to you , so he's mad that you went ahead and did what you did.

But you are also culpable because imo, you seem to have acted on the opportunity with haste. Your actions don't seem to add credence to the idea that you weren't interested in his cuckold fantasy.

Based on what you said communication seemed to have been a problem before this issue 
But only open, honest communication can fix this.


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## Jellybeans

clipclop2 said:


> And his friend now thinks your husband is a ***** who wants to share his wife with other men.


Ok so TAM blocked the star word. What was it? I want to know!


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## clipclop2

Poosy


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## Jellybeans

Oh. LOL.


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## Wolf1974

Jellybeans said:


> Ok so TAM blocked the star word. What was it? I want to know!


The female party zone


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## nice777guy

OP needs to put everything on the table with H - including the inappropriate pics that were sent. Get everything out in the open instead of "wondering" what the friend may or may not have told your H.


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## Hicks

Your husband led you down this road.


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## nice777guy

Hicks said:


> Your husband led you down this road.


Only if he said "Hey - why don't you talk to my buddy about setting this up when I get back - and maybe send him a few dirty pics too."

They were discussing a fantasy.


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## Acorn

You wrote: "So drunken, I'm not entirely sure everything that happened."

I believe you.

Based on that, I'd recommend you stop excusing your behavior based on what you think happened and start owning the things you know you did while you were drinking.


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## clipclop2

A husband shared a fantasy with his wife. His wife how shared it with a third party after denying she we would be into it. She drinks to blackout. The third party was a friend of the husband. It included pictures.

You really think her husband is to blame? Did he tell her to do this?

I would hate if my husband had this fantasy to begin with. But if I were her husband I would wonder what other boundaries she has violated especially while drunk.


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## Vision_

I was going to comment on how dumb your husband is for bringing up something like this with you, but after reading your post over again it just sounds like you really want to bang his friend.

If you weren't into the idea from the beginning no amount of talking would make you "obsessed" with it now. You should fess up.


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## DoF

#1 - stop drinking

#2 - do NOT use texting or IM for communications unless it's short and sweet. Call thru Skype if you have to/face to face. you said it yourself, your communication was poor but it has "improved" over texting? Think about that for a bit.

#3 - you made a HUGE mistake by a) sharing this stuff with his friend and b) going behind his back to do so. You need to go to him IN PERSON and apologize for that behavior and assure him it will never happen again.

#4 - start communicating face to face and have a serious conversation about all of this

I would HIGHLY recommend that you do NOT involve any other people into your relationship. As you can already tell, 2 people is hard enough, adding more = adding fuel to the fire.

It takes a VERY strong willed couple to pull this off, and even then MOST fail.


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## Lon

Your H wanted to share his fantasy with you, but you went and made it real. Reality is completely different than fantasy, and if you actually care about your marriage and spouse, fantasies like his have no place in reality.

I hope you and him get past this and accept the lesson you have both learned in order to strengthen your marriage going forward.


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## vellocet

> Got drunk and told hubs' cuckold fantasy. Now what?


Hey, he is the one that brought it up. Its like wanting to bungee jump, you don't, but you give in. Then when you are both on the platform and its 1, 2, 3......you jump, he doesn't.

So if you are wondering about him getting mad, its on him as far as I'm concerned.

Telling his friend? Well, another matter I suppose, but again, its his fantasy. 

Why do people do this to themselves?


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## DoF

vellocet said:


> Hey, he is the one that brought it up. Its like wanting to bungee jump, you don't, but you give in. Then when you are both on the platform and its 1, 2, 3......you jump, he doesn't.
> 
> So if you are wondering about him getting mad, its on him as far as I'm concerned.
> 
> Telling his friend? Well, another matter I suppose, but again, its his fantasy.
> 
> Why do people do this to themselves?


Some people can't live without a problem, if there isn't one, they create it.


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## Lon

*Re: Re: Got drunk and told hubs' cuckold fantasy. Now what?*



vellocet said:


> Hey, he is the one that brought it up. Its like wanting to bungee jump, you don't, but you give in. Then when you are both on the platform and its 1, 2, 3......you jump, he doesn't.
> 
> So if you are wondering about him getting mad, its on him as far as I'm concerned.
> 
> Telling his friend? Well, another matter I suppose, but again, its his fantasy.
> 
> Why do people do this to themselves?


Talking about a fantasy does not mean that one necessarily has any intent to act it out in reality.


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## Coffee Amore

Isn't your husband a Pakistani Indian? Did you tell this to one of your husband's Indian or Pakistani friends? I'd think that adds even more humiliation for him to have a conservative friend know this fantasy.


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## Gabriel

Sober sex is far superior.


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## lifeisbetterthanalternat

Sorry this happened...
MY .02

I am not a big fan of sharing any fantasies that involve other people as it sets a stage to make crossing over into the area of infidelity seem OK. This is true if the fantasy becomes real or not on some level. 

That said...your going to his friend was messed up and violated his trust on so many levels. If my wife did that i am not sure i could get over it. 

If my wife had a fantasy of being with another women and i texted her friend about this and told her....

I am not buying that you don't know what you said...i thought you said you texted him...and btw wouldn't you be able to see the pictures you texted....and you make it seem so innocent... "i only texted him to see if he was going to pick him up at the airport...so did it go:

ok..so your not going to pick him up...

BTW my husband wants to watch me F... a guy..are ya in? .we trust you. 

Sorry...I smell BS here. 

OK so to my wife.."oh honey i tripped and my D### fell inside her LOL. 

I am not sure you are being honest with yourself or strangers on a forum....I suggest you get in touch with the truth before you try and "sell" it to your husband. 

When you woke up the next day why didn't you call the friend and do damage control? Sounds like you wanted the friend and are now backpeddling now that the hubby is pissed. 

You need to come clean and sit down with your hubby. Expect that forever his relationship with this guy is changed....good luck.


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## Catherine602

You have to take responsibility for yourself and your action. If you think about it, you made the first decision to put your self in this position when you were sober. You took the first drink to loosen your inhibition. If you really want this then do it. But I don't think you do. You are not protecting yourself by entertaining this fantasy. Love has nothing to do with being used for a sexual fantasy. You see that your husband will not love you more for fulfilling his fantasy. 

What usually happens is that the reality does not match the fantasy and he will not only not talk to you but he may leave you. You have no boundaries and you need to learn to make one of them a resolution to be responsibility for yourself and your choices. No one will protect you from regret shame and disrespect. Don't blame this on your husband. It's all on you because you did not put a stop to talking about this, getting pissed and propositioning this friend. 

Do you think that you and your husband may not have enough love for each other to keep each other focused on your marriage. Thinking about bringing other people into your marriage weakens your connection with your husband. Put a stop to this and try to connect in an intimate way. If you can't, then if may be best to find more compatible partners.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vellocet

Lon said:


> Talking about a fantasy does not mean that one necessarily has any intent to act it out in reality.


Sorry, but if a woman of mine tells me its her fantasy to f*** another man while I watch, her disclaimer of, "but that's just a fantasy of mine, I wouldn't actually do it" isn't going to fly with me.

That's the thing. Someone can make their fantasy known, in the event their partner is up for it. But puts that disclaimer in there in case they are not. If their partner is willing to let them fulfill their fantasy, great, if not, the disclaimer is supposed to protect them??

I don't care if its fantasy or they intend on trying to actually get it to play out. If you have a fantasy, keep it to yourself.


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## doubletrouble

I druther have my gal dream up fantasies about me. I'd gladly help her with them.


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## SadSamIAm

I agree that you can have a fantasy without wanting it to actually happen.

I rarely look at porn, but when I do, I sometimes search for 'cheating wife'. I guess that must be a 'fantasy of mine'. But there is no way in hell that I would want my wife to cheat on me.


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## nice777guy

Lon said:


> Talking about a fantasy does not mean that one necessarily has any intent to act it out in reality.


And certainly doesn't justify her sending the pics!


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## nandosbella

The fantasy is definitely not mine. This particular friend is very sweet, but is not at all physically attractive in my opinion. I would never consider anything like this if it weren't constantly being shoved in my face all the time. This is something he would talk to me about for hours on end, day after day for a month straight. I've never expressed interest in the lifestyle, I in fact started many arguments because he kept bring it up again and again and I just got sick of it all. But when you start figuring out logistics, where and how you would find this other guy... me going on dates with this other guy.... doesn't that suggest he wants it as a reality? It's been way more than just dirty/pillow talk.

I think we all have fantasies. .. so how do you know which ones are ok to come true and which ones arent? People role play and dress up all the time? And do it in weird places, post themselves online... I mean the list goes on.... im not defending myself by any means... im ashamed of what I did... I would have never answered his calls if I were in my senses.


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## vellocet

nandosbella said:


> I think we all have fantasies. .. so how do you know which ones are ok to come true and which ones arent?


Easy, if you think your sig other will think that carrying out your fantasy is cheating, then its not ok.

If I was in a committed relationship with a woman, and she told me about any fantasy that involved doing anything to another man, the door is thataway -->



> I in fact started many arguments because he kept bring it up again and again and I just got sick of it all. But when you start figuring out logistics, where and how you would find this other guy... me going on dates with this other guy.... doesn't that suggest he wants it as a reality?


That's why I said he can't complain, it was his fantasy.


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## doubletrouble

nandosbella said:


> The fantasy is definitely not mine. This particular friend is very sweet, but is not at all physically attractive in my opinion.


Yet you sent him pics of your naughty parts?


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## aug

I wonder why your husband has such a fantasy. It's my belief that most men are not interested in sharing their wife.


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## nandosbella

I read a lot about it after he told me..... it's a mentality they develop because they don't feel they satisfy their wives in bed, so they like to see them satisfied by someone else.... as long as they're included in the interaction. Humiliation and being degraded are also common in these individuals. It's pretty common from what I read. On both sides... the husbands and the bulls (other guy) have a whole sub-culture... scary...


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## Buckeye82

What an interesting thread to finally have my first post. ****'ing is actually more common than you might think. Swinging is too. The fantasy of it, oddly, is very common. 

I would never share my wife, gf, etc. That being said though, I have participated as the extra guy with a married couple, and have been invited back to join them again. The husband watched everything, was always there for every step of it, and was the one who told his wife, a long time friend of my family, to get in touch with someone she wanted to be with and could trust to keep a secret. They're swingers, he isn't a **** in case you were wondering.

That is more or less where you made your mistake. He didn't ask you to find someone. From what I've read of the cuckold culture, it's still a mutual agreement that the '****' can stop at any time. But yes, there is humiliation associated with it, some of it being the wife withholding sex. The fairly common theme I've noticed is that most of the men think of themselves as small, and as such unable to satisfy a woman.


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## clipclop2

So this is really something that should be treated in a healthy manner with therapy and not sexual activity that weakens the marriage and further strengthens the incorrect ßelf concept of the man that is behind the fantasy.


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## murphy5

Catherine602 said:


> Don't blame this on your husband. It's all on you because you did not put a stop to talking about this, getting pissed and propositioning this friend.


I disagree. her husband talked her into this mindset. Multiple times he brought up his cuckold fantasy. She did not want to think about it, but he kept bringing it up and she was alone (him far away on a trip), probably was masturbating, and started to think more about it. 

He planted the seed, and is now pissed that it grew into a tree? 

Yeah she could have rejected the idea. But she thought she was given a hall pass. 

And she did NOT actually screw the guy, was waiting for her husband to come home to talk it thru further before proceeding. 

The husband probably would have been happier if she waited for him to get home to plan how to be cuckolded. Or maybe he would have backed away and told her it was only a fantasy. But...he is FAR from blameless here.

Under these unique circumstances, I believe she did nothing wrong (in a cheating sort of way). If they want to actually go thru or not with the cuckolding...that is up for the two of them to discuss.


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## murphy5

nandosbella said:


> The fantasy is definitely not mine. This particular friend is very sweet, but is not at all physically attractive in my opinion. I would never consider anything like this if it weren't constantly being shoved in my face all the time. This is something he would talk to me about for hours on end, day after day for a month straight. I've never expressed interest in the lifestyle, I in fact started many arguments because he kept bring it up again and again and I just got sick of it all. But when you start figuring out logistics, where and how you would find this other guy... me going on dates with this other guy.... doesn't that suggest he wants it as a reality? It's been way more than just dirty/pillow talk.
> 
> I think we all have fantasies. .. so how do you know which ones are ok to come true and which ones arent? People role play and dress up all the time? And do it in weird places, post themselves online... I mean the list goes on.... im not defending myself by any means... im ashamed of what I did... I would have never answered his calls if I were in my senses.


don't be ashamed. He DOES sound like he really wants to try the cuckold thing out. Maybe he is just embarrassed about the actual details. Maybe you want to try role playing it with him. Get all dressed up, sexy, go to a bar. Have him meet u there, but pretend he does not know you at all. Have him seduce you, and take you to a hotel room for sex. Then come home, and tell all about the "strange man" you just wild had sex with. play the cuckold role to him, and see if the role playing was sufficient to satisfy him. It just might work, without you needing to actually screw another guy.


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## Lyris

Did your husband ever tell his parents that you and he were married?


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## clipclop2

She listened to him go on for hours. Tell me when the last time any of you indulged your. SO in talk that you found distasteful and let it go on for hours.


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## murphy5

I agree, he definitely wanted it as a fantasy. Probably masturbated about it running in his head. 

The real question is, now that the bull is knocking on the door, will the **** answer it?


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## nice777guy

clipclop2 said:


> She listened to him go on for hours. Tell me when the last time any of you indulged your. SO in talk that you found distasteful and let it go on for hours.


Who found it distasteful? They were chatting and sexting with each other - the FANTASY was turning them both on.

Go to the Sex in Marriage forum. So many people with so many fantasies - afraid to open up because they might be judged harshly by their spouse. Ever wondered how many of these people's spouses may have also felt the same way about the same fantasy - but both were afraid / ashamed to discuss it?

However - I still think her sending the pic was wrong and she needs to discuss this with her Husband. Maybe he won't care - but I'm guessing it will seem different to him now that she's added an element of reality to it.

I've wondered how awesome cliff diving might be - but that doesn't give anyone the right to push me off a cliff. "Well - you said it would be cool - remember?!?"


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## Accipiter777

Fantasy is just that... NOT real. my wife and I have shared various fantasies... doesn't mean either one of us should pursue it. Sharing ones fantasy is not a "hall pass" to indulge it.


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## Lordhavok

If he's pi*sy about it now, how will he act when the other guy starts slinging some c*ck to you? It pretty evident that this is one instance that just needs to remain a fantasy and thats it. Dont do it if you value your relationship.


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## murphy5

it might just be part of his fantasy. He tells you he changed his mind, while you refuse to back down and head out the door for wayward sex! then come back and humiliate him more, tell him how it went, how big the other guy's **** was.... A lot of the cuckolding fantasies are central to humiliating the husband in various physical and mental ways. Some guys are actually forced to dress as a girl for their wives to fulfill the fantasy. 

Who knows what is going on in HIS mind now...it could be ANYTHING. he may totally want it, but not be able to say so. He wants HER to take control.


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## Haiku

nandosbella said:


> I made a huge drunken mistake about a month ago...
> 
> The point is he infected my brain with this fantasy to the point where I became obsessed.
> 
> ...
> 
> I'm pretty sure I told his best friend about it. In such a way that I suggested that I would only do it with someone we trust. Wink wink.


Advice? Stop drinking and cease with the blame avoidance.


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## 6301

nandosbella said:


> I already stopped drinking. I only drank on the weekends, but I definitely don't want to make anything worse. Thanks.


 I don't know how it can be any worse. You not only tell his friend his fantasy, but you send the guy naked pictures. 

I'll be honest. Stop blaming the booze. I can't tell you how many threads I've read about people not being able to hold their booze and making a ass out of themselves or in this case taking a picture of you bare assed and giving it to his friend. Good way to wind up out on the curb.


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## clipclop2

She said she wasn't into the fantasy and tried to blame this on him NG. 

So OP, have you talked to your husband or are you slinking around hoping this all goes away?


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## nice777guy

clipclop2 said:


> She said she wasn't into the fantasy and tried to blame this on him NG.
> 
> So OP, have you talked to your husband or are you slinking around hoping this all goes away?



If she wasn't into it why did she send the pics?

Well - she thinks she sent the pics.

Really not wanting to be over critical and run OP away. Into it or not - she needs to discuss everything that happened with Hubs. Certainly don't want him finding out from his friend.


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## omgitselaine

Well hubby and I hung out last night with his buddies and their girlfriends and got very tipsy.

This thread was on my mind with each drink and shot I had thus ummmmmm I'm happy to say NO I didn't send any naughty pictures of myself and NO I did not chit chat with any of Joe's buddies revealing any intimate details of our sex life wheeeeeeeew !!

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Buckeye82

clipclop2 said:


> So this is really something that should be treated in a healthy manner with therapy and not sexual activity that weakens the marriage and further strengthens the incorrect ßelf concept of the man that is behind the fantasy.


I would imagine so, yes. Sorry for not responding early, busy weekend.


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## Buckeye82

omgitselaine said:


> Well hubby and I hung out last night with his buddies and their girlfriends and got very tipsy.
> 
> This thread was on my mind with each drink and shot I had thus ummmmmm I'm happy to say NO I didn't send any naughty pictures of myself and NO I did not chit chat with any of Joe's buddies revealing any intimate details of our sex life wheeeeeeeew !!
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


LOL, were you afraid that would happen?


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## murphy5

you guys seem to be thinking this husband is a normal guy, who had some fantasy that he never wanted to actually fulfill. I disagree. He WANTS the cuckolding to happen. All this advice to not send pictures, not drink anymore, etc is of little help. The guy is already off the reservation. He wants to be cuckolded. He is just acting unpredictable and irrational because...he IS irrational.

I think it is all in the OP woman's court now. Either she agrees to this and screws the other men, or tells her husband to shut up and never bring it up again. But sending the pics, and telling other men about it to see if they are interested is EXACTLY what her husband wants.


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## johnnycomelately

murphy5 said:


> you guys seem to be thinking this husband is a *normal *guy, who had some fantasy that he never wanted to actually fulfill. I disagree. He WANTS the cuckolding to happen. All this advice to not send pictures, not drink anymore, etc is of little help. The guy is already *off the reservation*. He wants to be cuckolded. He is just acting *unpredictable and irrational *because...he IS irrational.


You are making some bold assumptions about what is normal and rational. I think if we have learned anything since Kinsey it is that there is no such thing as normal. 

If the husband has cold feet, she should stop. If it is something she can't see her self doing, she should say so. If they are both on the same page, they should go for it. There is nothing irrational nor abnormal about this situation. It is just a kink, a kink with risks that both have to think about, but just a kink after all.


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## nandosbella

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nandosbella

Neither of us has brought up the subject, but things are improving. There has been no more of this awful conversation. Sex life is getting back to "normal"... before this whole concept was introduced into our lives. Hopefully the angle of reality that I introduced into our lives made us both realize that iit's not something we really want to do. I think the first reply I got on this thread was the most helpful. Just gave it time and patience. Part of that mentality is that he doesn't feel he deserves me or that he's not "good enough", so I've been super attentive... super affectionate... super compassionate. And he's been opening back up to me. 

Thanks Murphy for your educated input. I think in many cases - yes communication is important, but knowing your spouse and reading body language and being there without being asked... offering the right support and reassurance just because you know your partner needs it is way better than forcing your partner into an uncomfortable, awkward and embarrassing conversation they really don't want tohave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately

nandosbella said:


> Part of that mentality is that he doesn't feel he deserves me or that he's not "good enough", so I've been super attentive... super affectionate... super compassionate.


That is not always the case. There are many different forms of this kink and many different reasons for it. Unless your husband has said that he feels inadequate you can't assume that he does. Tiger Woods had cuckold fantasies and it is hard to imagine him feeling inadequate.


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## 6301

murphy5 said:


> you guys seem to be thinking this husband is a normal guy, who had some fantasy that he never wanted to actually fulfill. I disagree. He WANTS the cuckolding to happen. All this advice to not send pictures, not drink anymore, etc is of little help. The guy is already off the reservation. He wants to be cuckolded. He is just acting unpredictable and irrational because...he IS irrational.
> 
> I think it is all in the OP woman's court now. Either she agrees to this and screws the other men, or tells her husband to shut up and never bring it up again. But sending the pics, and telling other men about it to see if they are interested is EXACTLY what her husband wants.


 Ok. Let say for the hell of it your right. Now If he wanted to be cuckolded, then he would have gone over the plan with his wife, made some ground rules made sure she was OK with it and then put the plan in motion and one of them being finding a guy she would be turned on too.

The last person I would assume they would pick would be his friend or anyone they knew fore fear of it getting out in public.

This didn't happen. It was a drunk woman sending a naked picture of herself without letting her husband know. That is planning or discussing, it's stupidity.


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## clipclop2

This marriage will not last. You betrayed him and honestly believe you can rug sweep.

You are immature and don't have the guts for marriage. And drinking again. Brilliant.


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## cuchulain36

If you're husband is driving you towards a cuckold relationship I'm not certain why he would be mad about this situation? If he's pestering you to cuckold him and you take action to do so that's probably on him. Maybe I'm confused here?


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## cuchulain36

6301 said:


> Ok. Let say for the hell of it your right. Now If he wanted to be cuckolded, then he would have gone over the plan with his wife, made some ground rules made sure she was OK with it and then put the plan in motion and one of them being finding a guy she would be turned on too.
> 
> 
> 
> The last person I would assume they would pick would be his friend or anyone they knew fore fear of it getting out in public.
> 
> 
> 
> This didn't happen. It was a drunk woman sending a naked picture of herself without letting her husband know. That is planning or discussing, it's stupidity.



You're acting like the OP knows how to begin a cuckold type relationship, and is experienced in this matter. I mean if the husband is pestering her over and over about cuckolding him it may get convincing and intense to her. she may have seen the opportunity arise and taken a chance. And honestly looked to please her husband. IMO once you start bringing in additional people into the marriage bed you can't be surprised at anything that happens, you know you're playing with fire.


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## TRy

nandosbella said:


> I'm pretty sure I told his best friend about it. In such a way that I suggested that I would only do it with someone we trust. Wink wink. I may have also sent a picture of my naughties.


 You sent your husband's best friend a picture of your "naughties" while your husband was out of town. This has nothing to do with your husband's fantasy, and has everything to do with your fantasy of enjoying the power of having your husband's best friend get off as he looks at this picture of you; the power of knowing that every-time that he sees you in the person he might be fantasizing about you with your husband standing right there without a clue. The fact that you say that he is not that attractive, increases your power over this other man. This is called cyber sex. You cannot keep this fact a secret from your husband. I would be really bad if your husband found out about this from anyone but you. Tell him right now.


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## Catherine602

nandosbella said:


> Neither of us has brought up the subject, but things are improving. There has been no more of this awful conversation. Sex life is getting back to "normal"... before this whole concept was introduced into our lives. Hopefully the angle of reality that I introduced into our lives made us both realize that iit's not something we really want to do. I think the first reply I got on this thread was the most helpful. Just gave it time and patience. Part of that mentality is that he doesn't feel he deserves me or that he's not "good enough", so I've been super attentive... super affectionate... super compassionate. And he's been opening back up to me.
> 
> Thanks Murphy for your educated input. I think in many cases - yes communication is important, but knowing your spouse and reading body language and being there without being asked... offering the right support and reassurance just because you know your partner needs it is way better than forcing your partner into an uncomfortable, awkward and embarrassing conversation they really don't want tohave.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are closing this chapter too soon. Believe me, your husband is that same. He will try and talk you into some other sexually risky (for you) but orgasm producing (for him) situation. You haven't changed either. You coddle a man who does not love you enough to protect you from harm. It will take a few more humiliating and degrading experiences for you to realize that you are being used. 

While you are reassuring your husband that he is good enough spend some time reassuring yourself. You have absolutely no self protective instincts when it comes to men. You seem to think that you need to prove love by allowing yourself to be used sexually to makes the man happy. You need to learn when to say "hell fvcken no, I own this body, not you."


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## nandosbella

Aaaand now I remember why I left this forum a year an a half ago. It's nice to get a different perspective on things, but it's just not worth digging through people's mean, arrogant, rude and uneducated comments to get to the one or two posts that are actually helpful. Thanks to the few that were helpful, and to everyone else... grow up!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lyris

So I guess no, he hasn't told them then


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## bigbearsfan

nandosbella said:


> Aaaand now I remember why I left this forum a year an a half ago. It's nice to get a different perspective on things, but it's just not worth digging through people's mean, arrogant, rude and uneducated comments to get to the one or two posts that are actually helpful. Thanks to the few that were helpful, and to everyone else... grow up!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So in other words you just came here looking for validation from the people who you think agree with you and to hell with us who don't.
So don't go off on people who disagree with you. *Your the one who screwed up*.....so may be you should stop drinking, talk to your husband and stop sending and texting om/ husband's friend and take your own advice and grow the hell up!


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## murphy5

she did not screw up. Her husband gave her a hall pass to cuckold him, and all she did was send a few pics and text. 

It IS important to understand the whole enchilada, AND the potential consequences. She got that list! But we should not be judgemental about her final decision.


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## cuchulain36

murphy5 said:


> she did not screw up. Her husband gave her a hall pass to cuckold him, and all she did was send a few pics and text.
> 
> 
> 
> It IS important to understand the whole enchilada, AND the potential consequences. She got that list! But we should not be judgemental about her final decision.



I agree her husband was in her ear begging for her to cuckold him, he has to know where that can lead. It seems like the husband put this train on motion.

This fantasy has it's roots in science; if a male suspects his woman of cheating he will experience extreme arousal and his semen much more potent in an attempt to overpower the possible invading semen. In most cases any male who catches his woman cheating while devastated is also extremely aroused. 

But there's fantasy and there's reality and obviously having your wife find someone to regularly screw while telling you how much better he bangs her than you is a bad idea for longterm health of the marriage.


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## river rat

I suggest that you read Dr. Michael Bader's book "Arousal." He has a good deal of insight into where fantasies originate, what they mean, and what they don't mean. Available from Amazon.


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## 6301

murphy5 said:


> she did not screw up. Her husband gave her a hall pass to cuckold him, and all she did was send a few pics and text.
> 
> It IS important to understand the whole enchilada, AND the potential consequences. She got that list! But we should not be judgemental about her final decision.


 When your married, you don't go off and do something without talking to your spouse especially something like this.

If that were the case then they would have sat down and decided who they would send the picture to and who they wanted to come over and amuse his wife while he did his thing.

There was no discussion. She did it without his knowledge or say so. Granted, she was drunk but still when it comes to sharing your partner, there has to be ground rules and be agreeable to both parties.

But in all honesty, it's water under the bridge and they have some serious problem to get out in the open and solve it before the marriage gets flushed down the toilet.


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## bigbearsfan

6301 said:


> When your married, you don't go off and do something without talking to your spouse especially something like this.
> 
> If that were the case then they would have sat down and decided who they would send the picture to and who they wanted to come over and amuse his wife while he did his thing.
> 
> There was no discussion. She did it without his knowledge or say so. Granted, she was drunk but still when it comes to sharing your partner, there has to be ground rules and be agreeable to both parties.
> 
> But in all honesty, it's water under the bridge and they have some serious problem to get out in the open and solve it before the marriage gets flushed down the toilet.


:iagree: Exactly, No where did he give her the hall pass to move forward, she did it on her own!


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## murphy5

you might want to read some cuckold stories. The fantasy is a humiliation thing for the husband. The wife does not "ask permission", she tells her husband what she is going to do. Some extreme forms of it cut the husband off completely from PIV sex, slap a chastity belt on him so he can not masturbate without permission, etc. 

Like I said, you are thinking of this guy as a fairly normal dude. If he wants the cuckold lifestyle, it can get pretty far into la la land.

Technically, the only thing the OP did wrong is to not tighten the husband's chastity belt when he complained!

And BTW, this is NOT cheating. He gave her numerous permissions to proceed. So many, she got tired fending him off. lol


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## clipclop2

Why would anyone want to read these fantasies or even speculate about what the husband did or didn't give her permission to do when she isn't adult enough to even speak to him about what she did?


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## bigbearsfan

murphy5 said:


> you might want to read some cuckold stories. The fantasy is a humiliation thing for the husband. The wife does not "ask permission", she tells her husband what she is going to do. Some extreme forms of it cut the husband off completely from PIV sex, slap a chastity belt on him so he can not masturbate without permission, etc.
> 
> Like I said, you are thinking of this guy as a fairly normal dude. If he wants the cuckold lifestyle, it can get pretty far into la la land.
> 
> Technically, the only thing the OP did wrong is to not tighten the husband's chastity belt when he complained!
> 
> And BTW, this is NOT cheating. He gave her numerous permissions to proceed. So many, she got tired fending him off. lol


:scratchhead: WTF, did you read something different than the rest of us in the OP opening. No where did she say she told him what she was going to do, no where it was approved to move forward, she sent naughty texts and sent naughty pics to the best friend. So how the hell is that not cheating? 
And don't go off about him being in a fantasy. He is pissed and thats not what he wanted apparently and talking about a fantasy and giving permission is two different things, she screwed up and cheated, now he is pissed and marriage is damaged.


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## DoF

bigbearsfan said:


> :scratchhead: WTF, did you read something different than the rest of us in the OP opening. No where did she say she told him what she was going to do, no where it was approved to move forward, she sent naughty texts and sent naughty pics to the best friend. So how the hell is that not cheating?
> And don't go off about him being in a fantasy. He is pissed and thats not what he wanted apparently and talking about a fantasy and giving permission is two different things, she screwed up and cheated, now he is pissed and marriage is damaged.


To be honest, regardless of what happened, it was just a matter of time until further damage was done or the end.


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## murphy5

what are you guys reading? Here is what I see:



nandosbella said:


> we would text for hours on end every day, but mostly about sex. ..... Although he did inform me he had a *really really really strong* cuckold fantasy. *We talked about this fantasy day after day, hour after hour.* Why *he wanted it*..


sounds like a **** to me!:rofl:

I was not "why he had this fantasy", it was "why he _wanted_ it". in no where was Role Playing mentioned, which would have kept it a fantasy only.

hey I could be wrong. But I think not.


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## 6301

murphy5 said:


> what are you guys reading? Here is what I see:
> 
> 
> 
> sounds like a **** to me!:rofl:
> 
> I was not "why he had this fantasy", it was "why he _wanted_ it". in no where was Role Playing mentioned, which would have kept it a fantasy only.
> 
> hey I could be wrong. But I think not.


 If he wanted his fantasy, then don't you think that it would have been much more enjoyable for this guy.................if he was there to watch it?

He texting his wife over the computer. Fat lot of good being cuckolded if he isn't there right?

She jumped the gun either through drunken stupidity or just not thinking to wait for him to come home.

She made a mess of things and honestly, this is what happens when you take fantasy from your head to reality. Lots of trouble.


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## clipclop2

I think this is Murphy's fantasy.


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## alexm

murphy5 said:


> don't be ashamed. He DOES sound like he really wants to try the cuckold thing out. Maybe he is just embarrassed about the actual details. Maybe you want to try role playing it with him. Get all dressed up, sexy, go to a bar. Have him meet u there, but pretend he does not know you at all. Have him seduce you, and take you to a hotel room for sex. Then come home, and tell all about the "strange man" you just wild had sex with. play the cuckold role to him, and see if the role playing was sufficient to satisfy him. It just might work, without you needing to actually screw another guy.


I'm wondering if it's because OP took the reigns on this that he's not happy.

Perhaps HE wanted to be the one to select the OM. Maybe he already has somebody in mind.


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## lenzi

nandosbella, I don't think you are entirely to blame for this debacle but you definitely share in some of the responsibility.

As others have said, he started it, you took it to the next level.

Isn't that what a caring, loving wife is supposed to do? Sure maybe you didn't exercise the best judgment, but you tried to do what she felt he wanted, and you cannot be held at fault for that.

My suggestion:

Continue to talk it out, find out if he wants this to continue to exist only in his head and if not, then what's the next step?

More importantly. Quit drinking. Immediately and completely. You obviously cannot handle it.

Oh, and if he DOES want to turn this fantasy into reality, I'm free on Sundays. 

Kidding!


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## murphy5

clipclop2 said:


> I think this is Murphy's fantasy.


yeah, but as the bull!


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## cuchulain36

Sharing your wife or cuckold fantasies are very common. Penthouse forums does them almost exclusively because it was the #1 requested fantasy. 

The idea of my wife cheating is terrible, but fantasizing on this topic does grease my wheels a bit I won't lie. I would never do it in real life though, too dangerous, I don't think people can keep sex and love separate forever.


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## DoF

cuchulain36 said:


> I don't think people can keep sex and love separate forever.


Some people can have sex for years and never develop feelings for ANYTHING.

And some are simply incapable of not getting emotionally attached etc.

Personally, I have very little value for sex with someone I have 0 feelings for. It's completely worthless, actually it's actually something I don't think I can do or would ever want to do.

But that's just me.


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## johnnycomelately

murphy5 said:


> you might want to read some cuckold stories. The fantasy is a humiliation thing for the husband. The wife does not "ask permission", she tells her husband what she is going to do. Some extreme forms of it cut the husband off completely from PIV sex, slap a chastity belt on him so he can not masturbate without permission, etc.


There is as much variation in the 'cuckold' theme as there is in any other fantasy. Many are not into being humuliated nor any form of denial.



murphy5 said:


> Like I said, you are thinking of this guy as a fairly normal dude. If he wants the cuckold lifestyle, it can get pretty far into la la land.


There is nothing abnormal about this fantasy. According to some sources it is the second most request porn genre after 'youth'. It has an evolutionary basis and its existence has been recorded for hundreds of years. 



murphy5 said:


> Technically, the only thing the OP did wrong is to not tighten the husband's chastity belt when he complained!
> 
> And BTW, this is NOT cheating. He gave her numerous permissions to proceed. So many, she got tired fending him off. lol


No doubt it can get extreme, like anything, but that doesn't give her carte blanche. He was brave enough to open up to her and I think she should treat him with care and respect. She was wrong to do what she did. Having a particular fantasy doesn't give your partner the right to do something behind your back. Most people in this lifestyle take deception to be just that, deception.


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## JCD

clipclop2 said:


> A husband shared a fantasy with his wife. His wife how shared it with a third party after denying she we would be into it. She drinks to blackout. The third party was a friend of the husband. It included pictures.
> 
> You really think her husband is to blame? Did he tell her to do this?
> 
> I would hate if my husband had this fantasy to begin with. But if I were her husband I would wonder what other boundaries she has violated especially while drunk.


More than that. Since he was out of the country for so long.


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## slimstickums

It sounds like you may want to do it more than you think. Sending the pic of your naughties pretty much sends the message. I think your hubby was a shocked that you started the communication, even though you said you were not into it.


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## Keepin-my-head-up

Some people can do the cuckold thing and still have a great marriage.
Maybe not anyone else's idea of a great marriage but in their own minds, a great one.

In the end, that is all that matters.

I say go for it, have a cuckold, maybe swing and thn full on orgy.
Talk about what your rules are before and definitely talk about everything after.

Yes, I have a kinky brain and cannot help it.
I also can admit that I would be the jealous type and wouldn't be able to do it.

But I am not everybody and definitely not someone with the intestinal fortitude that could.


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## Thound

the guy said:


> I won't even loan a tool out much less loan my old lady out! But then again I keep my tools locked in the shed.
> 
> Hum....
> 
> Back in the day I wish I had a bigger shed


2 things I won't loan out. 1. My car.2. My wife, because someone is liable to throw a rod in either one.


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## WorkingOnMe

This is a good example of why my fantasies are all secret. Especially from my wife. I don't trust her or anyone else with my inner thoughts.


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## jld

WorkingOnMe said:


> This is a good example of why my fantasies are all secret. Especially from my wife. I don't trust her or anyone else with my inner thoughts.


Well, if I could not trust Dug with every last thing inside my heart and soul, we would not be together.


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## WorkingOnMe

jld said:


> Well, if I could not trust Dug with every last thing inside my heart and soul, we would not be together.



Aw, it's sweet that you would think that. Pretty sure Dug's not the one is be worried about in your relationship though. Even I'd likely trust HIM with some of my inner thoughts.


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## Lyris

If I don't tell my husband my fantasies, how is he going to make them come true


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## Duguesclin

WorkingOnMe said:


> Aw, it's sweet that you would think that. Pretty sure Dug's not the one is be worried about in your relationship though. Even I'd likely trust HIM with some of my inner thoughts.


So you would trust me more with your fantasies than you would with your wife. This is pretty scary.

It is a tragedy that many couples are not open to each other, including when it comes to sharing fantasies.


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## WorkingOnMe

Duguesclin said:


> So you would trust me more with your fantasies than you would with your wife. This is pretty scary.
> 
> 
> 
> It is a tragedy that many couples are not open to each other, including when it comes to sharing fantasies.



I think you're more trustworthy than your wife.


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## Duguesclin

WorkingOnMe said:


> I think you're more trustworthy than your wife.


My wife is just fine. I am not sure why you have such a problem with her.


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## WorkingOnMe

Duguesclin said:


> My wife is just fine. I am not sure why you have such a problem with her.



She has back stabbed and attacked me many times, falsely gaining my trust and then using it against me. Anyway I mostly ignore her until she attempts to engage me.


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## Duguesclin

WorkingOnMe said:


> She has back stabbed and attacked me many times, falsely gaining my trust and then using it against me. Anyway I mostly ignore her until she attempts to engage me.


I am amazed she has so much power over you.

My wife is direct and I like it. Life is much simpler that way. 21 years with her and I have never had these problems, WOM.


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## lenzi

WorkingOnMe said:


> She has back stabbed and attacked me many times, falsely gaining my trust and then using it against me. Anyway I mostly ignore her until she attempts to engage me.


Given that she attacks you, falsely gains your trust, uses it against you and backstabs you I can't help but wonder why do you stop ignoring her when she attempts to engage you?

You enjoy this sort of treatment?


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## Thound

My wife's fantasy is me cleaning and mopping then rubbing her feet right before she goes to sleep.


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## JCD

Lyris said:


> If I don't tell my husband my fantasies, how is he going to make them come true


Be that as it may, I doubt you would want them put out on the internet even under your anonymous name, much less told to someone near and dear to you in the flesh.

And even if you don't mind, it seems her husband has a different opinion.

But good for you in having an open sexual dialogue with the hubs. She clearly does not.


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## murphy5

Thound said:


> My wife's fantasy is me cleaning and mopping then rubbing her feet right before she goes to sleep.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

THAT is what she _tells_ you. BUT, what she really wants is for you to grab her, yank her panties off, push her onto the kitchen table, and do her like she once saw in an internet porn movie!

fantasies are seldom told, they are privately thought, and wished for.


----------

