# Coupon on first date?



## Kimberley17

*Coupon on first date??*

I'm newly divorced and am getting back into the dating scene. I met a guy for lunch for the forst time and he used a coupon. I thought it was tacky. What do you all think?


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## SunnyT

It depends.... I'm thrifty/cheap, so if it's done in good humor, but not in a Rainman kind of way I might be alright with it. 

But really, if it's not alright with you, don't see him again.


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## PHTlump

Kimberley17 said:


> I'm newly divorced and am getting back into the dating scene. I met a guy for lunch for the forst time and he used a coupon. I thought it was tacky. What do you all think?


Saving money rather than spend it needlessly on you? How gauche. 

Next time, demand to go dutch.


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## COguy

There's so much potential downside vs upside, that he clearly isn't good at impressing people.

No one would do that math in their head and go, "eh, it's probably worth the risk."

That means he's cheap.

You could cut him some slack if he said something like, "This is bad, I know, but I had it and I'm not just going to throw money away."

My eyes would be super wide open though...


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## PBear

Personally, I can't imagine using a coupon. I'd chose a less expensive place for dinner if money was that tight. Or was this at McDonald's? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08

How dare he save money!


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## synthetic

*Re: Coupon on first date??*

LOL! I don't know why this made me laugh out loud!

To be honest, depending on how old you are, judging people based on their financial habits on a first date could be quite stupid.

He used a coupon to save money. Good for him. Shows his priority is his own well being. People like that are far more balanced than someone like myself who goes out of his way to please women. Just sayin'...


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## badbane

Maybe you are just picking a nit. If everything else on the date went well why would that bother you? It isn't like he made you pay.


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## Kimberley17

COguy said:


> There's so much potential downside vs upside, that he clearly isn't good at impressing people.
> 
> No one would do that math in their head and go, "eh, it's probably worth the risk."
> 
> That means he's cheap.
> 
> You could cut him some slack if he said something like, "This is bad, I know, but I had it and I'm not just going to throw money away."
> 
> My eyes would be super wide open though...


He did ask if I mind if he uses a coupon and I said sure, go ahead. What was I going to say? No? But at that point the damage is done. I just thought on a first meeting/date it shouldn't have been used. He said he found it in his car on the way over... yeah, right.


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## Kimberley17

badbane said:


> Maybe you are just picking a nit. If everything else on the date went well why would that bother you? It isn't like he made you pay.


I am going to see him again regardless. I just wanted opinions. If I'm being honest it was a turn off.


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## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Coupon on first date?*



Kimberley17 said:


> He did ask if I mind if he uses a coupon and I said sure, go ahead. What was I going to say? No? But at that point the damage is done. I just thought on a first meeting/date it shouldn't have been used. He said he found it in his car on the way over... yeah, right.


If he was paying, he shouldn't have even needed to ask you how he went about it and to be honest, it's rather sad you don't seem even grateful for the free meal and company.

This smells of control and entitlement issues.


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## MambaZee

I would only have a problem with it if it was coupon for "buy one Whopper, get one free." Otherwise, hey, the economy's tough, I wouldn't mind.


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## angelpixie

On a first date? I have mixed feelings on this. I LUUUUURV me a good deal, and would be so OK with a guy using a coupon IF I knew it was because he was smart with his money and not that he was so tight that he'd never want to go anywhere or do anything. I don't know if that would be apparent before a first date. 

I get what you're saying, Synth. I guess it's not the coupon use, it's the reason for the coupon use. If you didn't know much about the person beforehand, I'd be curious to find out his attitude and would probably use it as an opportunity to ask him some questions. But now that I think about it, I wouldn't write it off as tacky right off the bat.


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## Kimberley17

06Daddio08 said:


> If he was paying, he shouldn't have even needed to ask you how he went about it and to be honest, it's rather sad you don't seem even grateful for the free meal and company.
> 
> This smells of control and entitlement issues.


OMG, chill out. I am seeing him again which obviously means I enjoyed his company. Isn't that what this forum is for to get input from others? Some of you are so quick to attack. I still think it was tacky.. sorry, just how I feel.


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> On a first date? I have mixed feelings on this. I LUUUUURV me a good deal, and would be so OK with a guy using a coupon IF I knew it was because he was smart with his money and not that he was so tight that he'd never want to go anywhere or do anything. I don't know if that would be apparent before a first date.


That's really the tricky part...

For most people, I think, an attitude of "this coupon let's me take you to a place I normally wouldn't be able to afford" would be okay, for example, or an attitude of "this coupon let's us do something extra on the date in addition to this meal" likewise.

But when someone uses a coupon with intent of putting in a minimum required effort for the least possible expense... That's not cool.


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## Kimberley17

angelpixie said:


> On a first date? I have mixed feelings on this. I LUUUUURV me a good deal, and would be so OK with a guy using a coupon IF I knew it was because he was smart with his money and not that he was so tight that he'd never want to go anywhere or do anything. I don't know if that would be apparent before a first date.
> 
> I get what you're saying, Synth. I guess it's not the coupon use, it's the reason for the coupon use. If you didn't know much about the person beforehand, I'd be curious to find out his attitude and would probably use it as an opportunity to ask him some questions. But now that I think about it, I wouldn't write it off as tacky right off the bat.


I don't know his financial situation but he is an attorney and appears to do pretty well for himself. It was for $10 off LOL.


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## mablenc

I think it's ok but, not on the first date, unless you are a teenager under parents income, or still in school. Can you tell us what type if place it was and of he makes a decent living?

When you date it's about trying to make an impression, I would still see him to know him better. He may have been nervous too, or he likes to save, which can be a good thing on the long run.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

My bet is that this was a sh!t test by him. A lot of guys get tired of they type of woman who expect the guy to foot the entire bill of dating. 

So upfront he's telling you that he's frugal and if you don't like it, there is no need for a second date.

He can pay for the meal any way he wants. IMHO it's wrong of you to object to how he pays for the meal that you ate (and got for free).

If I had a date do this I'd take it as a clue to bring up how dates are paid for. My rule is that if he invites, he pays. If I invite I pay. And we should both ask each other out about 50% of the time. There are times when I'll agree to go Dutch.. it's usually a spontaneous thing when this happens.

If the person asking pays, then they can chose to have the date a place that they can afford. And they can pay for it any darn way they chose.


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## mablenc

Kimberley17 said:


> I don't know his financial situation but he is an attorney and appears to do pretty well for himself. It was for $10 off LOL.


We posted at the same time, In this case I think he's very frugal  lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TiggyBlue

I'd think it was funny, it really wouldn't bother me at all.


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## Kimberley17

mablenc said:


> I think it's ok but, not on the first date, unless you are a teenager under parents income, or still in school. Can you tell us what type if place it was and of he makes a decent living?
> 
> When you date it's about trying to make an impression, I would still see him to know him better. He may have been nervous too, or he likes to save, which can be a good thing on the long run.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The bill was $27 and the coupon saved him $10.


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## Pbartender

Out of curiosity, would you feel the same if he was taking advantage of non-coupon savings? There's a comedy club not far from me, for instance, that gives local people free admission on Thursday nights... There's still the usual two-drink minimum, but it saves about $25 a person to get in.


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## Kimberley17

EleGirl said:


> My bet is that this was a sh!t test by him. A lot of guys get tired of they type of woman who expect the guy to foot the entire bill of dating.
> 
> So upfront he's telling you that he's frugal and if you don't like it, there is no need for a second date.
> 
> He can pay for the meal any way he wants. IMHO it's wrong of you to object to how he pays for the meal that you ate (and got for free).
> 
> If I had a date do this I'd take it as a clue to bring up how dates are paid for. My rule is that if he invites, he pays. If I invite I pay. And we should both ask each other out about 50% of the time. There are times when I'll agree to go Dutch.. it's usually a spontaneous thing when this happens.
> 
> If the person asking pays, then they can chose to have the date a place that they can afford. And they can pay for it any darn way they chose.


I didn't object but I've never had that happen before on a FIRST date. It caught me off guard. He came off as cheap and I took it a little personally although I probably shouldn't have.


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## Mavash.

This topic was discussed on a local radio station here recently.

General consensus was no not on a first date.

I agree.

I'm all for being frugal and love coupons but not on the first date.

At least let me get to know you before you show me your cheap side.


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## Kimberley17

Pbartender said:


> Out of curiosity, would you feel the same if he was taking advantage of non-coupon savings? There's a comedy club not far from me, for instance, that gives local people free admission on Thursday nights... There's still the usual two-drink minimum, but it saves about $25 a person to get in.


On a first date probably... It's not the money it's making the impression I guess.


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## mablenc

Kimberley17 said:


> The bill was $27 and the coupon saved him $10.


That will make a great story to tell the grandchildren! I am with Elegril, I would pay for icecream for example if he payed for dinner. And only agree to regular prices restaurants at first. You need to see him again and keep us posted 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

Kimberley17 said:


> I didn't object but I've never had that happen before on a FIRST date. It caught me off guard. He came off as cheap and I took it a little personally although I probably shouldn't have.


What you might want to do is have a money talk with him sooner than later.

He might be generous but frugal.

Or he might be a very un-generous person.

I love generous but frugal.

Will not tolerate un-generous people.

Find out which he is.


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## GTdad

Mavash. said:


> This topic was discussed on a local radio station here recently.
> 
> General consensus was no not on a first date.
> 
> I agree.
> 
> I'm all for being frugal and love coupons but not on the first date.
> 
> At least let me get to know you before you show me your cheap side.


I'm all about saving a buck when I can, but I think I'd try a little harder to make a good first impression.

Now, granted it's been 30 years since I've been in the world of dating, so give my advice the weight it deserves, but I think I'd give the guy another chance. It was off-putting, sure, but probably shouldn't be a deal-killer.


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## Kimberley17

EleGirl said:


> What you might want to do is have a money talk with him sooner than later.
> 
> He might be generous but frugal.
> 
> Or he might be a very un-generous person.
> 
> I love generous but frugal.
> 
> Will not tolerate un-generous people.
> 
> Find out which he is.


How do I find that out?


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## arbitrator

As long as he's discreet about it and tells you about it prior to doing it, I don't really see a problem with it!

Being economical doesn't necessarily equate to being a tightwad!


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## EleGirl

I have a brother who has been divorce of a while now. He's a great guy but he will not date because he cannot afford to put on the show that a lot of women expect.

He has a good job and a good living. But his ex lied up a storm in the divorce and got away with it. After 3 years he has still not crawled out of the financial hole she put him in. It will be a long time before he has enough cash flow to play the impress the chick game.

He won't date because of this. I'm sure that there is a non-judgmental woman out there for him. But he does not even want to start dating because it's one more hassle he does not need in his life.

He's an attorney. But the fact is that you have no idea what his financial situation really is like.


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## Kimberley17

arbitrator said:


> As long as he's discreet about it and tells you about it prior to doing it, I don't really see a problem with it!
> 
> Being economical doesn't necessarily equate to being a tightwad!


He was not at all discreet and did not mention it until the bill came. It was a scratch off coupon so the server had to scratch it off to see what his savings was LOL. It was $10. My impression is now that he is cheap. As I said I am still going to see him again. Oh, and I did offer him money and he said absolutely not..


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## SunnyT

Communicate! 

Play that word association game.... like "sausage or pepperoni?" "tp under or over?" "steak or seafood""save or spend?" "gold or silver?".... see if he ALWAYS chooses the cheaper option. Sneak in the money stuff. 

Just keep your eyes open. It may be that he is cheaper than you can appreciate.


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## Kimberley17

EleGirl said:


> I have a brother who has been divorce of a while now. He's a great guy but he will not date because he cannot afford to put on the show that a lot of women expect.
> 
> He has a good job and a good living. But his ex lied up a storm in the divorce and got away with it. After 3 years he has still not crawled out of the financial hole she put him in. It will be a long time before he has enough cash flow to play the impress the chick game.
> 
> He won't date because of this. I'm sure that there is a non-judgmental woman out there for him. But he does not even want to start dating because it's one more hassle he does not need in his life.
> 
> He's an attorney. But the fact is that you have no idea what his financial situation really is like.


You are right I do not know. In your brothers case I think it should be discussed upfront and any decent woman would understand. It's not really a big deal that he used a coupon but just kind of in bad taste on a first date IMO.


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## EleGirl

Kimberley17 said:


> How do I find that out?


Think of a line of questioning.

A person who is frugal but generous will find ways to get the things and do the things that you both want. He's do it even if it means using coupons, $$ off deals, etc. He both you and him to have good things in your lives. He will not resent you for your wants and needs unless they are truly unreasonable.

A person who is not generous will be stingy with everything and resent you.

My son's father is not a generous man. It causes real problems in our marriage. He had no problem spending my money. But if anything ever came up that needed his money, he was cruel and resentful. He made a comment before me married that no woman will ever get her hands on his money. I should have paid attention to that... the sentiment and tone of his voice was the clue. I was far from a gold digger. I brought as much financially to the relationship as he did. There was no need for him to make just a nasty comment to me. I should have run.. I was stupid and stayed.

Talk about relationships, talk about money. Talk about money in relationships.


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## BWBill

So how many dates do you need to have before coupons become acceptable?


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## KalmAndKollected

Bad taste on a first date?

I wish people would just be who they are, and not pretend to be someone else on a first date. Because IMO, "making an impression" in this context is faking who you are. Just be honest with him and tell him he was tacky. Then he can sidestep you to someone more appreciative.


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## In_The_Wind

Kimberley17 said:


> On a first date probably... It's not the money it's making the impression I guess.


Kim this logic is well try this ~ Do you want a false impression or a truthful impression ?? I would prefer the truth myself !!! I would be willing to believe that he is just being frugal versus being cheap example my father in law is divorced from MIL , anyway FIL is extremely wealthy but you would never know it just by looking at him or his clothes or the vehicle that he drives , He is a Farmer so he wears overalls alot, drives a 20 year old ford truck, etc has a bank account worth well into 7 figures I tease him about his old truck and dating he said if a gal would not go out with him in a 20 year old truck then he wouldnt want anything to do with her. Does this make sense ???


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## mablenc

Kimberley17 said:


> He was not at all discreet and did not mention it until the bill came. It was a scratch off coupon so the server had to scratch it off to see what his savings was LOL. It was $10. My impression is now that he is cheap. As I said I am still going to see him again. Oh, and I did offer him money and he said absolutely not..


Did he have an a huge smile on his face after he was told $10 off? Or did a happy dance? The can be a cue 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi

Totally tacky.

Probably means he's got no money.

Red flag for sure. If you marry this guy financial problems will be your downfall.


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## Pbartender

Kimberley17 said:


> On a first date probably... It's not the money it's making the impression I guess.


So, what you want is for someone to go to extra effort at the beginning to make themselves look good... Instead of acting like who they actually are from the very start?

_"If you have assumed a character beyond your strength, you have both played a poor figure in that, and neglected one that is within your powers."_ *- Epictetus*


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## mablenc

Pbartender said:


> So, what you want is for someone to go to extra effort at the beginning to make themselves look good... Instead of acting like who they actually are from the very start?
> 
> _"If you have assumed a character beyond your strength, you have both played a poor figure in that, and neglected one that is within your powers."_ *- Epictetus*


$27 dollars is not making an extra effort in my opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic

Kimberley, you're admitting to inviting dishonesty into your life with open arms. Later on tonight, when you're going to bed, spend a few minutes thinking about this. Perhaps you should find out why you feel this way.

Don't get me wrong. You're no exception. Everyone does this to a degree, but then again, why not be exceptional? At least try.


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## Mavash.

It's like interviewing for a job. You show up with you best suit on. Later once you've got the job then you can relax a bit.

First impressions are huge.

This guy has come off as cheap and he may be just wise with money.

This wouldn't be a deal breaker for me but I'd sure be observing. 

Frugal is fine cheap is not.


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## Pbartender

mablenc said:


> $27 dollars is not making an extra effort in my opinion.


I never said it was. I was saying that's what she wants... She wants a guy who pretends to be a better person than he actually is on the first date.

We've all been taught that. When you first meet a person, we are all supposed to be on our best behavior in an effort to convince them that they like us more than they actually should.

So, we all end up starting relationships based on falsities... both ours and theirs. We have to spend time and effort trying to figure out if that person is really a giving, generous person, or were they just faking it to make a good first impression to get us hooked in. And we have to spend time and money trying to maintain our own "good first impressions" long enough in the hopes that we can hook them in return.

It's disingenuous.

It's a waste.


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## EleGirl

lenzi said:


> Totally tacky.
> 
> Probably means he's got no money.
> 
> Red flag for sure. If you marry this guy financial problems will be your downfall.


There is a good book.. "The Millionaire Next Door", it's a good read.

A wealthy person is very likely to do exactly what her date did... because in this country most wealthy people accumulate their own wealth. They do it by being frugal. Someone who spends a lot of money is more likely to have financial problems.


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## Pbartender

EleGirl said:


> There is a good book.. "The Millionaire Next Door", it's a good read.
> 
> A wealthy person is very likely to do exactly what her date did... because in this country most wealthy people accumulate their own wealth. They do it by being frugal. Someone who spends a lot of money is more likely to have financial problems.


The average millionaire drives a used car that was two to five years old when they bought it.


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## Kimberley17

BWBill said:


> So how many dates do you need to have before coupons become acceptable?


Good question. Maybe once you're exclusively dating.


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## Kimberley17

Pbartender said:


> I never said it was. I was saying that's what she wants... She wants a guy who pretends to be a better person than he actually is on the first date.
> 
> We've all been taught that. When you first meet a person, we are all supposed to be on our best behavior in an effort to convince them that they like us more than they actually should.
> 
> So, we all end up starting relationships based on falsities... both ours and theirs. We have to spend time and effort trying to figure out if that person is really a giving, generous person, or were they just faking it to make a good first impression to get us hooked in. And we have to spend time and money trying to maintain our own "good first impressions" long enough in the hopes that we can hook them in return.
> 
> It's disingenuous.
> 
> It's a waste.


So, you're saying that if someone doesn't use a coupon they are a better person?


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## Kimberley17

Mavash. said:


> It's like interviewing for a job. You show up with you best suit on. Later once you've got the job then you can relax a bit.
> 
> First impressions are huge.
> 
> This guy has come off as cheap and he may be just wise with money.
> 
> This wouldn't be a deal breaker for me but I'd sure be observing.
> 
> Frugal is fine cheap is not.


Great post! This sums up my feelings exactly!


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## Pbartender

Kimberley17 said:


> So, you're saying that if someone doesn't use a coupon they are a better person?


No.

I'm saying that if someone does use a coupon they aren't necessarily a worse person.

More importantly, I'm saying that regardless of whether you are on a first date, or have been in a fifteen year relationship with someone... You should be who you are. You shouldn't have to try to be someone you aren't just to get someone to like you. And you shouldn't expect others to be someone they aren't in order for you to allow yourself to like them.

We all already played that game far too much when we were in high school. There's no reason to keep it up now that we're adults. Life's too short to waste time on that sort of crap.


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## Kimberley17

Pbartender said:


> No.
> 
> I'm saying that if someone does use a coupon they aren't necessarily a worse person.
> 
> More importantly, I'm saying that regardless of whether you are on a first date, or have been in a fifteen year relationship with someone... You should be who you are. You shouldn't have to try to be someone you aren't just to get someone to like you. And you shouldn't expect others to be someone they aren't in order for you to allow yourself to like them.
> 
> We all already played that game far too much when we were in high school. There's no reason to keep it up now that we're adults. Life's too short to waste time on that sort of crap.


I kind of think you are looking at this way too deep. I would never want someone to be someone they are not, however, there are things people reserve for once they know someone better. For instance, do you burp or pass gas in front of someone the first time meeting them? I highly doubt it. But once you're a little more comfortable ....

He's not a horrible person for using it but I still look at him with a little less respect. Tacky is the only word that keeps coming to mind.


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## mablenc

I think that while dating we try to get people to like us enough and of it turns into something else they can over see our imperfections. So, you want to show you good side before you flaunt your bad side. We all have flaws, we just have people who can love us over them. 

Same with job interview, you are not going in showing them your bad habits, they know you are not perfect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

Kimberley17 said:


> I kind of think you are looking at this way too deep. I would never want someone to be someone they are not, however, there are things people reserve for once they know someone better. For instance, do you burp or pass gas in front of someone the first time meeting them? I highly doubt it. But once you're a little more comfortable ....
> 
> He's not a horrible person for using it but I still look at him with a little less respect. Tacky is the only word that keeps coming to mind.


If you look at him with less respect for using the coupon then you really should not go out with him again. That's your first impression. People seldom get over their first impression.

How did you meet this guy?


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## ntamph

EleGirl said:


> There is a good book.. "The Millionaire Next Door", it's a good read.
> 
> A wealthy person is very likely to do exactly what her date did... because in this country most wealthy people accumulate their own wealth. They do it by being frugal. Someone who spends a lot of money is more likely to have financial problems.


Great point. That book is my financial Bible. It doesn't really go into the technique of earning and accumulating but it drills the correct mindset into you (the book is kind of repetitive but it makes its point very well).


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## JrsMrs

Mavash. said:


> This topic was discussed on a local radio station here recently.
> 
> General consensus was no not on a first date.
> 
> I agree.
> 
> I'm all for being frugal and love coupons but not on the first date.
> 
> At least let me get to know you before you show me your cheap side.


Absolutely.
I am actually very frugal as well and all for managing money intelligently. I would think nothing of it at a later date, but not on a first date.


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## EleGirl

Is the use of a coupon on a first date a buzz-kill for romance? - San Jose Dating Advice | Examiner.com

Is It Okay to Use a Coupon on a First Date? | Budgets Are Sexy

First Date: To Coupon or not to Coupon? —eHarmony Blog


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## COguy

Kimberley17 said:


> I kind of think you are looking at this way too deep. I would never want someone to be someone they are not, however, there are things people reserve for once they know someone better. For instance, do you burp or pass gas in front of someone the first time meeting them? I highly doubt it. But once you're a little more comfortable ....
> 
> He's not a horrible person for using it but I still look at him with a little less respect. Tacky is the only word that keeps coming to mind.


I was literally going to post the same thing. We all fart, but you don't do it on the first date. That's just common knowledge.

If someone farted on the first date and wasn't like, "OMG I am so embarassed I can't believe that happened." You'd think the person was a social reject.

That's how I feel about someone using a coupon on a first date. It's socially taboo so why would you do it as your first impression? The only answer I can think of is that the person is so obsessed with frugality that they couldn't let it go. And that's the kind of person I would be watching like a hawk.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Coupons are great! I think it's fine, even for a first date. 

A turn off would be an excuse for not paying at least his own and you getting stuck with the bill. I've been there.


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## BWBill

Admittedly it's been a while since I've dated, but when I first started I did try to spend money and make a strong first impression. The problem became stepping down from that after the first couple of dates. An expensive first date set future expectations.

Dating became easier when I made the first date modest.

The coupon thing is interesting and I understand Kimberley's objection. My only point is that backing down from that first impression can be very tricky.


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## Chelle D

*Re: Coupon on first date??*



Kimberley17 said:


> I'm newly divorced and am getting back into the dating scene. I met a guy for lunch for the forst time and he used a coupon. I thought it was tacky. What do you all think?


Nope, I don't think it's tacky at all. Let him be the man he is. If he's frugal & uses coupon's, and you're the type that likes to just blow money & not care at all about saving... then isn't it better to know right off that you two won't mesh well?

I'd rather have a man take me to fast food local place with a coupon as a first date.. and then maybe for a very special occasion to a nice restaurant... Rather that, then to have him spend too much at a fancy restaurant on a first date, and then expect same or better later... just to find that each date further keeps going downhill... Just because he wanted to get that great first impression rose.


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## Kimberley17

EleGirl said:


> Is the use of a coupon on a first date a buzz-kill for romance? - San Jose Dating Advice | Examiner.com
> 
> Is It Okay to Use a Coupon on a First Date? | Budgets Are Sexy
> 
> First Date: To Coupon or not to Coupon? —eHarmony Blog


Great articles. Thanks! Interesting debate.


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## scatty

I would be less concerned about the coupon than how he treated the waitstaff and how much he tipped.


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## Kimberley17

BWBill said:


> Admittedly it's been a while since I've dated, but when I first started I did try to spend money and make a strong first impression. The problem became stepping down from that after the first couple of dates. An expensive first date set future expectations.
> 
> Dating became easier when I made the first date modest.
> 
> The coupon thing is interesting and I understand Kimberley's objection. My only point is that backing down from that first impression can be very tricky.


This wasn't an expensive restaurant. The total bill was $27. Now that I think about it he didn't order a soda only water so maybe he is cheap! I'll see what happens on date 2.


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## NextTimeAround

I would have paid more often on dates, but my experience is that the money a guy saves by going out with me, he turns around and spends it on another woman. 

Well, let him use that coupon on a date with another woman as well.


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## Chelle D

$27 for a lunch would be a great first impression where I live.

Hell, even the $17 for a lunch for two - that's a lot better scale that what I ever got.


I still say... let him be who he is. Judge him by how well the conversation flows, how he handles talking about sensative issues, how he treats others around him on the date. Is he totally oblivious to them? 

But then again... Being totally oblivious could be bad 1) - lack of observation skills, tact for others... or good 2) He was so blinded by your beauty/presence that he almost was rude.

Was he polite & courteous? Again good 1) has good manners & would treat you the same or could be bad 2) He wasn't "into you" at all & spent more attention on others.. just biding time until the date was over.

Geesh, I'm glad I don't have to go back out into the dating pool! Ever. !


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## Kimberley17

scatty said:


> I would be less concerned about the coupon than how he treated the waitstaff and how much he tipped.


No idea how much he tipped but I was wondering if he tipped on the total before the coupon or after LOL. I had no way of knowing!


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## badcompany

I think it was a s**t test coming from a lawyer.
For a more average joe like myself I wouldn't care about a coupon. 
I like to mentally bank the savings and use them for something else I couldn't normally afford. 
If I ended up dating again, I would likely say to myself I have X-amount to take my date out to dinner, and if the coupon bumped that to be able to hit a nicer place all the better.
There are some "date for food" women out there unfortunately. A woman I went to school with, did this to myself and 2 of my guy friends from school a few years after we graduated. She always named the place we always paid and she was always a cold fish(like no peck on the cheek, no arm around her at a movie, nothing). I was guy 3 though and when she mentioned who guy 2 was I called him to catch up and got the scoop so I didn't get fleeced for too many meals.


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## ThreeStrikes

Kimberley17 said:


> *he is an attorney*


Sums up this entire thread


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## EleGirl

I just remember one date I was on. it was one that we agreed to pay for our own meals. 

So when it come time to pay he has a coupon.. says his meal was free and I need to pay for mine. Now that's an ungenerous cheapskate. IN my way of thinking we split the bill.


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## COguy

EleGirl said:


> I just remember one date I was on. it was one that we agreed to pay for our own meals.
> 
> So when it come time to pay he has a coupon.. says his meal was free and I need to pay for mine. Not that's an ungenerous cheapskate. IN my way of thinking we split the bill.


Wow.....I'd like to meet these people.


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## Maricha75

Kimberley17 said:


> *This wasn't an expensive restaurant. The total bill was $27. *Now that I think about it he didn't order a soda only water so maybe he is cheap! I'll see what happens on date 2.


Sorry, but for me? That would be expensive. Not overly expensive, but expensive, nonetheless. $13.50/person (average) is more than I could see spending for lunch. But that's just me. Buy me a veggie sub at Subway or veggieburger at BK and I'm fine. Less than $10 each. Coupon on the first date? I'm glad to be the odd woman out here. I see nothing wrong with using one, whether $1.00 or $10 off a $27 bill. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, nor would I view it as tacky. Save the money for something else. But that's JMO.

Oh and the soda? Really? What difference does that make? There are a lot of people who don't drink soda...or tea...or coffee.... Not drinking soda doesn't make someone cheap lol.


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## hambone

*Re: Coupon on first date??*



Kimberley17 said:


> I'm newly divorced and am getting back into the dating scene. I met a guy for lunch for the forst time and he used a coupon. I thought it was tacky. What do you all think?


There are two ways to accumulate wealth. 

1. Earn more money than you can figure out how to spend!'
2. Control your spending and get as much mileage out of each dollar as you can.

Ben Franklin said, "A penny saved is a penny earned". IOW a penny saved is one less penny you have to earn..

That was true in his day. It's not true any more. We have income taxes and such. Today. A penny saved is like 1.20 pennies earned. 

Some people seem to think the more money you spend on something is an indication of how you have money to burn!! IOW.. you're RICH!!!! My way of thinking is if you spend more than you have to spend on something... you're stupid!

That's enough about economics.

If it bugs you... date someone else! Someone who throws money around like he's got a ton of it... someone who will never be able to accumulate wealth... 

My experience is that someone who always has a new cars and spends money like they are rich.... they miss one day of work and the bank comes get's all its' stuff. 

I choose to not live like that...

OK.. I lied.


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## KanDo

Hmmm. Now this is just my opinion, but to judge someone negatively because they used a coupon seems ridiculous. It says nothing about their generosity or even their financial success. The only thing it tells you is they have an ounce of frugality and an ounce of forethought.

Whole thing is silly.


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## hambone

EleGirl said:


> I just remember one date I was on. it was one that we agreed to pay for our own meals.
> 
> So when it come time to pay he has a coupon.. says his meal was free and I need to pay for mine. Not that's an ungenerous cheapskate. IN my way of thinking we split the bill.


If I take a woman out for a date... it is ALL on me. She's not paying for anything...

Maybe I'm just old fashioned.


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## TiggyBlue

hambone said:


> If I take a woman out for a date... it is ALL on me. She's not paying for anything...
> 
> Maybe I'm just old fashioned.


Or you have a lot of coupons lol


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## hambone

TiggyBlue said:


> Or you have a lot of coupons lol


LOL I've never used coupons on a date... I"m talking about back when I was single and dating. But, when the wife and I go out... yeah, we use coupons. 

My wife uses coupons ALL the time...


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## Caribbean Man

hambone said:


> If I take a woman out for a date... it is ALL on me. She's not paying for anything...
> 
> Maybe I'm just old fashioned.


:iagree:

That's how I know it to be.

My wife, before we were married would sometimes take me out on a date, and she would pay for everything.
Whenever I took her out back then, I paid for everything.
Whenever we go out now, I still pay for everything.
I have absolutely no problem with that.

Long ago when things were hard , if I didn't have money, I simply packed a picnic basket and took her to the park, which was walking distance.
Those were some of the best dates we ever had before marriage.


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## Blondilocks

Some people are couponers and some aren't. That wouldn't haven't bothered me as it doesn't represent anything other than money.

When we were first married, my husband was embarrassed with my using coupons at the grocery store - until I showed him what we could buy with the savings. After that even he was ripping them out of the paper.

You think it was tacky on a first date and it's okay that you think that way. Don't be afraid to whip out your own when it's your turn to treat.


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## hambone

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> That's how I know it to be.
> 
> My wife, before we were married would sometimes take me out on a date, and she would pay for everything.
> Whenever I took her out back then, I paid for everything.
> Whenever we go out now, I still pay for everything.
> I have absolutely no problem with that.
> 
> Long ago when things were hard , if I didn't have money, I simply packed a picnic basket and took her to the park, which was walking distance.
> Those were some of the best dates we ever had before marriage.


If a woman asked me out... I'd let her buy the tickets to the event... I'd still pay for the meal or other ancillary expenses.


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## treyvion

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> That's how I know it to be.
> 
> My wife, before we were married would sometimes take me out on a date, and she would pay for everything.
> Whenever I took her out back then, I paid for everything.
> Whenever we go out now, I still pay for everything.
> I have absolutely no problem with that.
> 
> Long ago when things were hard , if I didn't have money, I simply packed a picnic basket and took her to the park, which was walking distance.
> Those were some of the best dates we ever had before marriage.


Why style and my natural style is the man does not always pay. The man would pay for initial dates, but if a female is really enjoying you and respects your time and attention, she will actually plan dates where she covers it, if she is a financial earner. It doesnt' work out 50/50, but it's not 100/0 either. Something like 70/30.

If you guys where dating, inviting you over for dinner could be part of a date as well and you could do it for her too. It shouldn't always be the man spending money, because it could be someone abusing the old rules and taking advantage of a guy because she knows he will pay.


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## pink_lady

Someone probably already said this but - I always try to go dutch on first dates - usually the guy will refuse. It's always an awkward thing though- do other people still just expect that the man will pay? 

What was the guy like on the date other than the coupon?


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## Kimberley17

pink_lady said:


> Someone probably already said this but - I always try to go dutch on first dates - usually the guy will refuse. It's always an awkward thing though- do other people still just expect that the man will pay?
> 
> What was the guy like on the date other than the coupon?


I offered to pay for mine and he said no. I liked him enough for a 2nd date. I don't think there's any lomg term potential for other reasons but I'm not lookimg to get serious anyway.


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## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Coupon on first date?*



Kimberley17 said:


> OMG, chill out. I am seeing him again which obviously means I enjoyed his company. Isn't that what this forum is for to get input from others? Some of you are so quick to attack. I still think it was tacky.. sorry, just how I feel.


Oh I agree, your opinion is just as valid as anyone else's. Clearly. My opinion simply differs, if I wish to use a coupon to save money and I am to be judged for it ... well then, in a cab they go.

Saving $10 here and $15 there adds up, as a single father of 2 I learned early on that one can increase the amount of outings by reducing the cost of them. Not only that, it increases money available for the times that are really worth sending on.

Although, if someone is to ask you a question, why not be honest in your reply? On a side note, I'm rather "chilled out".


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## Wiserforit

Kimberley17 said:


> He's not a horrible person for using it but I still look at him with a little less respect. Tacky is the only word that keeps coming to mind.


High maintenance red flag. 

It doesn't make you a horrible person, but it's tacky. The need to put on airs. 

Pay more money (him, not you) just to prove what, exactly? That he accept you having no consideration for his money? Good for him. 

Please be honest with him about this. Tell him you think less of him because he used a coupon.


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## Unique Username

What do you care if he used a coupon? He paid for the date right.....

such a small thing, and no I wouldn't think it tacky.....I would have paid with the coupon and not let you see it...none of your business anyway since he paid for the date...

Worse would be going dutch...then yeah possibly cheap dude

Even worse...being taken on a first date to a fast food shack (unless you are a teenager)

Truly, though, if you have little red flags..if something seems amiss...if what a date says and his actions don't match up....you are probably correct and go with your gut.....remember people tell or show you who they REALLY are..you just have to look and listen.

Just try not to compare a new person with your ex...it isn't fair and you may miss out on some terrific people



It matters not what any of us think....


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## Unique Username

My Mother always said...

"Watch your pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves"


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## 06Daddio08

Unique Username said:


> My Mother always said...
> 
> "Watch your pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves"


..... they got rid of the penny here ... what do I do ... WHAT DO I DOOOO??!!?!?!? The dollars, they're too young to die!


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## EleGirl

hambone said:


> If I take a woman out for a date... it is ALL on me. She's not paying for anything...
> 
> Maybe I'm just old fashioned.


Over a long term dating relationship I think it's reasonable for a woman invite a man on a date and cover the expenses.

For example if she invites you over for a dinner at her place, are you going to insist on paying for the groceries for the meal?


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## EleGirl

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> That's how I know it to be.
> 
> My wife, before we were married would sometimes take me out on a date, and she would pay for everything.
> Whenever I took her out back then, I paid for everything.
> Whenever we go out now, I still pay for everything.
> I have absolutely no problem with that.
> 
> Long ago when things were hard , if I didn't have money, I simply packed a picnic basket and took her to the park, which was walking distance.
> 
> Those were some of the best dates we ever had before marriage.


The dating part of this is what I'm talking about. Sometimes a woman likes to spoil her guy. So let her. 

Good dates do not have to cost a lot of money. You are right about that.


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## EleGirl

Kimberley17 said:


> This wasn't an expensive restaurant. The total bill was $27. Now that I think about it he didn't order a soda only water so maybe he is cheap! I'll see what happens on date 2.


I missed the soda comment when I read this earlier. Some people do not drink soda. Soda is not good for a person. So maybe he's health conscious or maybe he just likes water. 

This is being a bit overly judgmental, really.


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## Maricha75

06Daddio08 said:


> ..... they got rid of the penny here ... what do I do ... WHAT DO I DOOOO??!!?!?!? The dollars, they're too young to die!


Then you move up to nickels.


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## Is It Just Me

COguy said:


> ...We all fart, but you don't do it on the first date. That's just common knowledge.
> 
> If someone farted on the first date and wasn't like, "OMG I am so embarassed I can't believe that happened." You'd think the person was a social reject.
> 
> That's how I feel about someone using a coupon on a first date. It's socially taboo so why would you do it as your first impression? The only answer I can think of is that the person is so obsessed with frugality that they couldn't let it go. And that's the kind of person I would be watching like a hawk.



I agree with this.


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## JustSomeGuyWho

All I know is that coupon or not ... if I divorce then between alimony and child support, I might not be able to afford to date for awhile. Coupons will be my friend. I'm in IT at a senior level so I make a good salary but I've already taken a few initial passes at the financials ... and it isn't pretty.


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## Caribbean Man

EleGirl said:


> *Sometimes a woman likes to spoil her guy. So let her.*


Yup.

I've learned from experience.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Our whole family orders water. Soda at restaurants is plain gross. Even the tea is iffy. Plus water is very healthy to drink.

If you've made up your mind with this guy, maybe a second date isn't such a good idea? 


My husband paid for everything on our dates, he even used coupons for thinks like the zoo or rock climbing. I think it's great that my husband takes saving money serious. He is not a cheapskate to where I'm denied things I really like(kitchen tools) and he really thinks about our future and saving for retirement. I do not work either, so my husband still pays 100% for everything.

Good luck with whatever happens.


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## Unique Username

I'm old school I suppose....

First meetings are always in public, neutral place - preferably daytime...coffee or other nice beverage...I have zero problems buying my own beverage if I arrive before my date....if after then he should ask what I'd enjoy and buy it......If he doesn't then this will more than likely be the first and last meeting.

I've never gone on a date to simply get a nice meal or drinks out of it.
It isn't my problem if he had previous dates who were gold-diggers or out for just the free entertainment. If a date were to expect me to pay for the date....he isn't someone I would have any interest in.
I also don't order the most expensive thing on the menu....I kind of gauge by what date is choosing and then choose something in same price range/or the same thing if it looks tasty. And I could care less if he uses a coupon or not.


I expect doors to be opened, chair to be held, coat to be taken and favorable comments about my appearance. (If he doesn't find me attractive he can certainly show some decorum and mention that I have pretty eyes or You look nice this evening kinda thing) lol

I'm already financially disadvantaged (EH perpetual UNDER employment keeps his support payment ridiculously low) and there is no such thing as Alimony/Spousal Support in my state and in order for me to NOT have my child ever in daycare...I've made sacrifices so that he would have a Mother who is available for all school functions/field trips etc.....

I have zero desire to date anyone that is not going to improve my situation should we enter an LTR/Marriage. Same as I wouldn't CHOOSE to date someone that has illnesses/addictions/severe mental issues etc. Since I CAN choose - I choose. 

just my 2 cents worth (and yes I'm watching them as we still have pennies here)


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## arbitrator

From friends of mine who are in the restaurant business, coupons are issued for three primary reasons: (1) it's a new business, or one under new ownership, that is using the coupons as an inducement to build up a new clientele, and (2) there may be a certain segment of the serving day in which the ownership wants to improve its sales, and (3) for studies/analysis of particular new dishes or products that the restaurant is trying out.

The restaurant fully expects its clients to use those coupons, or to forward them along to their friends or family members who may be unfamiliar with that restaurant. Using a coupon either habitually or even occasionally does not make a person a miser or a "tightwad." 

The only defense to that would be someone of less than average financial stature that could ill-afford to dine at that particular restaurant under ordinary circumstances.

If you're too ashamed to utilize those coupons or be around someone who does, then the next time you're in a pharmacy, don't bother to pull out your prescription discount card. And when you're in the grocery or department store, don't bother to pull out your coupons there as they might think that you're a loutish tightwad trying to shave bucks off of your bill!

And greatly provided that you have the bucks, then just choose to hang out or date members of that socio-economic status who does have those bucks, and you certainly won't be embarrassed!

But please don't ever let the world see you using those coupons anywhere ~ they may erroneously think that you're disadvantaged!


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## Cosmos

I don't know why he drew your attention to how he was paying, OP. That I would find a bit off putting... Other than that, if someone is paying for something for me, it's none of my beeswax how they do so (providing it's legal).


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## Deejo

I showed up for a breakfast date having forgot my wallet. I got there first and made the realization.

She showed up and I let her know. Even gave her the out under the circumstances. I only ordered coffee. We had a great time talking. I knew there wouldn't be a second date although I asked for it anyway in order to make up for my faux paux.

People are funny. First impressions are lasting, and depending upon your perspective your impression may vary.

No doubt I looked thoughtless and irresponsible.

I tried to approach it from being honest and owning my stupid mistake.

You have an impression of this guy based upon his behavior at your lunch. Odds are you may have had a different impression of him prior to meeting, given that he's an attorney.

Impressions matter.

I had another date where the woman kept me waiting for nearly an hour. It was at a wine bar, so I didn't let the time go to waste. When she did show up she offered a lukewarm apology. With that, I knew there wouldn't be a second date. When the bill came, I offered to cover my portion ... and she looked like I spat in her eye. 

Only rule for dating, and particularly first dates, is be true to yourself and trust your gut.

Was he at least a good kisser?


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## Emerald

1st date = 1st impression.

Coupons = frugal.

I don't feel it is "tacky" to use a coupon because coupons are so widely used today everywhere. My "1st" impression of this man is he is frugal.


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## Deejo

Emerald said:


> 1st date = 1st impression.
> 
> Coupons = frugal.
> 
> I don't feel it is "tacky" to use a coupon because coupons are so widely used today everywhere. My "1st" impression of this man is he is frugal.


Now see, my first impression is that he's a D-bag because he's an attorney. 

We could both be right ... or not.


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## CrazyGuy

I did not bother reading all comments. 

First disclaimer, I do not use coupons, but I do shop around.

Using a coupon on the first date tells me he is 1) Confident enough about exposing his real self. 2) Finically thoughtful, perhaps saving for the future. Personally I think paying less for the same items is smart. It allows extra money to go on more vacations, newer car, bigger house. Like others have posted you have to find out if he is being cheap or just smart with his money. Would you prefer some broke dude with lots of bling that pays for food with a snap card?

On the other hand, if he asked you if this bothered you and you lied about it.... That tells me something about you. You are presenting an image that is not you. If you would have said "yes it bothers me that you are using a coupon" it could have opened a dialog. He could have explained why he was using a coupon and then you would know more about him and this thread may not even be here. It could have been a test to see if you are a high maintenance gal.

Anyways, poor communication is a relationship killer and you already started miss communicating on your first date. So why not be honest with him and just tell him "you know what that did bother me." Start the dialog and find out if you two click or not. Save both you and him some time and money,  unless you are too shallow to do this.


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## Emerald

Deejo said:


> Now see, my first impression is that he's a D-bag because he's an attorney.
> 
> We could both be right ... or not.


LOL

Perhaps a broke attorney? or rich because he is frugal? oh the mystery......


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## CrazyGuy

Forgot to say I also order water. Soda makes me get the jitters and then I sweat. Yeah I am a dork, but I am not ashamed of myself.


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## Chelle D

CrazyGuy said:


> On the other hand, if he asked you if this bothered you and you lied about it.... That tells me something about you. You are presenting an image that is not you.


Great Point!..... 

She does need to fess up to him, so they can talk about it & see if they will mesh well or not. Unless she's really not looking for a relationship. She's just looking for dating fun.
Which, from her posts... that sounds like the way it is.


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## that_girl

Coupon on dates is more for in a relationship.

First date? No. That's laughable and he is cheap.

However, first dates, go dutch. That's just my opinion.


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## CrazyGuy

that_girl said:


> Coupon on dates is more for in a relationship.
> 
> First date? No. That's laughable and he is cheap.
> 
> However, first dates, go dutch. That's just my opinion.


But that is being even more cheap.


----------



## that_girl

CrazyGuy said:


> But that is being even more cheap.


To go dutch?  

As a woman, I like to go dutch. Especially on the first lunch date. I dunno. Doesn't feel cheap to me. Feels empowering.


----------



## VFW

This is an odd subject, but interesting none the less, so I will throw in my 2 cents. First those of you men that think you are old fashion, don't worry modern women still don't like paying for dinner. If they get asked out on a date they expect you to pay. Oh they may offer, but they don't mean it at all. The only time they will pay is if it is your birthday and don't even expect that either. Now they will cook for you, which to me is even more special than taking you dinner. 

Secondly, all of you see that using a coupon is cheat for a first date and he failed the test of first impressions. Have you considered that he is testing you to see your impression? Maybe he is trying to weed out the gold-diggers? I wonder what impression you made on him?


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## CrazyGuy

that_girl said:


> To go dutch?
> 
> As a woman, I like to go dutch. Especially on the first lunch date. I dunno. Doesn't feel cheap to me. Feels empowering.


As a guy if I say lets go dutch it could be perceived that I am cheap. Some women will think "what? I am not worth it."

Personally I think way too much thinking is done on any of this. When I want to be serious I want to be friends first. I do not buy my regular friends food all the time so why would I buy somebody I don't even know food? Now if I just wanted action and a fun meaningless relationship I would just throw money around, but that is not the type of person I am.


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## that_girl

I was saying to the woman, the OP, to just pay her part on a first date. I didn't say anything about a man mentioning it or asking for it.


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## CrazyGuy

that_girl said:


> I was saying to the woman, the OP, to just pay her part on a first date. I didn't say anything about a man mentioning it or asking for it.


Bing, light bulb just started to glow. Sorry.


----------



## that_girl

CrazyGuy said:


> Bing, light bulb just started to glow. Sorry.


lol It's ok.


----------



## Convection

Good grief, terrible rush to judgement in both directions around here.

Do you have any idea of the guy's financial situation? Is he escaping a from a marriage where he financially destroyed? Bad investments? Law partnership went under? Mother in the hospital and racking up tremendous medical bills? Or did he pull out a roll of $100s when it came time to pay and still used a coupon? What does he drive? Something less showy but reliable? Does he dress nicely but in less-expensive clothing? Do you know where he lives? Nice neighborhood? Cheap apartment?

I remember dating on a budget. If I had $27 to spend on a girl one night and that was it, I would do whatever I could to stretch it out: coupons, free cover-charge, avoiding valet parking, whatever. If using a $10 coupon meant I could spend the extra $10 on a round of putt-putt, or movie tickets, or Starbucks on the patio to keep the date going, bet your *** I would have used it. Who gives more: the guy who is strapped, has $27 and spends every penny on her? Or the guy who spends hundreds, when he could have dropped thousands without hurting his bank account? Not saying this happened but providing another perspective.

Treat this as it is: just a data point. If it's a one-time moment of frugality, don't let it bother you. If it is a trend, then it what it is, and so is he - and you can decide based on that.


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## Phenix70

Deejo said:


> W*as he at least a good kisser?*


I was wondering the same, the impression I'm under from the OP is that she's putting out there that she expects her date to do XYZ, well, what did SHE bring to the table?
It goes both ways.


----------



## Shaggy

Kimberley17 said:


> I offered to pay for mine and he said no. I liked him enough for a 2nd date. I don't think there's any lomg term potential for other reasons but I'm not lookimg to get serious anyway.


I think you are way out of line getting upset about a coupon. Really, you'd blow off another person because they used a coupon as part of payment? 

Why exactly is that wrong? It's not at all being cheap - cheap would be only ordering the cheapest thing, or going to a less than nice place because they didn't want to spend $$ on the better experience.

Cheap, would have been the food court at Costco..

All he did was use a payment method available to him. 
What if he was friends with the mgr and the mgr comped him the meal? Would it be cheap to accept?

Are you truly believing that its ok turn away people for trivial things like how they pay ?

What about if he pays with a discover card instead of American Express?

More relevant is did you disclose your history to him? Including having had an ltr affair on your ex? That seems a lot more substantial as a thing to evaluate a potential relationship on than how they paid for a meal.

Btw, when you find someone who you want a relationship with, you really need to be honest with him about your history of cheating. It's wrong to hide something major like that from a person who'd also be considering a long term relationship with you.

I'm not saying on the first date, but when you get to a relationship where you'd be exclusive with someone, you should fully disclose that side of yourself, it's an important part of who you are and what your values are, and something's a committed partner has a right to know before they commit to you.


----------



## arbitrator

CrazyGuy said:


> Forgot to say I also order water.


One of my restaurant buds informs me that a lot of eateries will begin charging a small fee for water, primarily because it takes nearly as much employee time and effort to be able to serve it to their patrons as it does with the premium beverages.

He even said that some higher scale restaurants are already doing it!


----------



## that_girl

Yea. If he had those financial issues, ex wife trouble, divorce issues, I wouldn't continue dating him anyway. Maybe later after he has his crap figured out.


----------



## Shaggy

On the flip side, when on a first date and the girl wants to knock back a few of those $18-25 fancy mixed drinks , and have you pay for her buzz while she sits there talking all about herself , well that's a no second date right there.


----------



## that_girl

Which is why it's good to just pay your way, as a woman.

There's no obligation, no feeling of anything other than a first meeting with someone. 

And I've never had an 18 dollar drink  HA!


----------



## Deejo

FIRST DATE for crying out loud.

All this back and forth about communication, being an open book and getting to the heart of the matter. Really? With someone you have known for 40 minutes?

Cripes ... how many first dates have you people been on?

It bugged her. She is under absolutely NO obligation to say to this guy she is meeting for the first time "I'd prefer if you didn't use a coupon, because it makes you look cheap, and makes me feel like an after-thought."

To go on a date looking for something to carp about is a pretty strong indication that you shouldn't be on the date. 

Gotta tell you, I left a relationship because the woman was WAY too free with money. She struggled to pay bills and keep her home up, but constantly chose to buy clothes, buy tickets to concerts and shows,go on getaways, eat out etc.

Is there anything wrong with any of that? No, there isn't.

Other than it didn't fit with my circumstances or choices I would make were I in the same situation.



She's giving him another shot.


----------



## Chelle D

Deejo said:


> Cripes ... how many first dates have you people been on?


Um, in the past 24 years... None.

Before that, maybe 10-15 at most.

True, I don't ever remember having one of them use a coupon.. but, it was a different world 25 yrs ago... And I was only in my early 20's. 

Don't think I had formed opinions about men enough to know to be offended by money issues on a first date. I was more worried about if I was going to let him kiss me on a first date.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Deejo said:


> Cripes ... how many first dates have you people been on?


45 years old (46 next week) and I can think of *two times* my entire life I have been on something I would call a "first date" and both of them were in high school. 

My relationships have never evolved like that.


----------



## FUEGO

*Re: Coupon on first date??*

Why would it be tacky? I understand why you would be like wow, but to me it shows he's smart and conscious about his money. Could be great if you get serious later on.


----------



## Wiserforit

EleGirl said:


> For example if she invites you over for a dinner at her place, are you going to insist on paying for the groceries for the meal?


No, but if she buys food with coupons I’ll be angry.


----------



## Wiserforit

Deejo said:


> Gotta tell you, I left a relationship because the woman was WAY too free with money. She struggled to pay bills and keep her home up, but constantly chose to buy clothes, buy tickets to concerts and shows,go on getaways, eat out etc.
> 
> Is there anything wrong with any of that? No, there isn't.
> 
> Other than it didn't fit with my circumstances or choices I would make were I in the same situation.




I spent a LOT of time overseas, which meant a lot of first-time meetings. This was on my list of immediate deal breakers.

This sense of entitlement is easy to spot right away in someone. It would be hard to hide the look of contempt OP says she has for this. I’d sure pick up on it. You don't even have to speak their language to see this in a person. 



> She's giving him another shot.


The entitlement view. I wouldn't take a second shot and it isn't a big deal. If she wants someone who is too good for coupons, no problem.


----------



## Maricha75

Wiserforit said:


> No, but if she buys food with coupons I’ll be angry.


Sorry? I hope that was sarcasm.


----------



## PieceOfSky

OP, you and your date are probably not compatible. His coupon use bothered you, so be it. It didn't bother him to use a coupon, so be it. If it is a trivial thing in your mind, then why not being it up and talk about it with him? If it seems like it says something about deeper differences, then why not bring it up and talk about it? My guess is you value different things at this point in your lives.

And why say yes to a second date, without disclosing your dislike for what he did? Do you hope if you keep quiet he will turn into someone who sees coupon use on first dates the same way as you? That seems very unlikely to happen.

There are plenty of men who would feel the same way about this as you do. Why don't you tell him no for the second date, and tell him what it was that did not click for you. Then, you will be free to find someone you click better with, and he will to. Everyone wins.


----------



## that_girl

Wait. Where did you go on the date?


----------



## Wiserforit

Maricha75 said:


> Sorry? I hope that was sarcasm.


Yes, exactly.

Would we call her "cheap"? No, we'd say she was wise with money and would count that as a desirable trait in a woman or man.


----------



## Unique Username

Shaggy called her on her Infidelity in her marriage so I doubt she comes back to post.....or who knows

I'm now completely bored with this lol

I'm off to clip coupons


----------



## Maricha75

Unique Username said:


> Shaggy called her on her Infidelity in her marriage so I doubt she comes back to post.....or who knows
> 
> I'm now completely bored with this lol
> 
> I'm off to clip coupons


Ooooh! Ooooh! Meijer has 10/$10 + 11th item free next week! 
:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:


----------



## treyvion

that_girl said:


> Which is why it's good to just pay your way, as a woman.
> 
> There's no obligation, no feeling of anything other than a first meeting with someone.
> 
> And I've never had an 18 dollar drink  HA!


You can't defend all women because of greedy ones
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Samayouchan

Kimberley17 said:


> He did ask if I mind if he uses a coupon and I said sure, go ahead. What was I going to say? No? But at that point the damage is done. I just thought on a first meeting/date it shouldn't have been used. He said he found it in his car on the way over... yeah, right.


Does it REALLY matter? I mean, its his money. Not like he asked you to PAY for your meal and he then paid for his own and used a coupon.
LOL WHAT DAMAGE are you talking about that was done?????? It's not like you spent your money.


----------



## that_girl

treyvion said:


> You can't defend all women because of greedy ones
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Defend?

:rofl: Ya'll don't listen.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

*Re: Coupon on first date??*



Kimberley17 said:


> I'm newly divorced and am getting back into the dating scene. I met a guy for lunch for the forst time and he used a coupon. I thought it was tacky. What do you all think?


 Haven't taken the time to read the responses to this question...

But .... I would NEVER NEVER NEVER find this tacky.. I would think he was *thrifty* and to me, this is *WISE* in this day & age where everything costs more than it should - I use coupons... heck, what our large family eats is around BOGO's and when I get coupons for restaurants... I am more likely to go there... 

Nothing worse than a man who is in a pile of debt trying to impress women who are looking for Mr Whine & dine them in class. 

I would pay my own way on the 1st date, wouldn't expect any man to pick up my tab and I'd probably suggest a place where I had a coupon ! Miss Tacky here. 

He paid for you...a blessing..where is the gratitude. Geez... some men can't win, even when they pay a woman's way !


----------



## seasalt

Kimberly,

My mom used to tell this story, my father would never confirm or deny it. They met at a church dance in 1944. After the dance he took her to a diner for a cup of coffee. No Starbucks then, coffee was $.05 a cup with free refills. She found out later when he encountered some friends that he had earlier won $300 (more than a month's wages then) in a crap game. They were married for 62 years. She never did say whether she got pie with the coffee.

Just sayin"

Seasalt

P.S. My wife and I live comfortably and are traveling away from home five or six months out of each year, we go on three or four cruises each year and I love using coupons whenever and wherever I can.


----------



## that_girl

Coupons in a relationship is awesome.

Coupons on a FIRST DATE. Holy crap, people. :lol: First date. Not married forever....not dating. First date.

It bugged her. So move on.


----------



## 2ntnuf

Kimberley17 said:


> He did ask if I mind if he uses a coupon and I said sure, go ahead. What was I going to say? No? But at that point the damage is done. I just thought on a first meeting/date it shouldn't have been used. He said he found it in his car on the way over... yeah, right.


I have to agree with what COguy said that made you respond this way. 

I just wanted to bring up one serious thing that popped into my head and then one joking.

First, the serious one:

Something to think about. Why did you tell him it was okay? You say here, what was I going to say? No? I say yes absolutely be honest with him and tell him in bothers you a little. Then, cut the date short or get out of it right there. You then respect yourself and your boundaries instead of pushing beyond what is comfortable. Listen, whether he is cheap or frugal has nothing to do with it. You want a man you can get along with and be happy with. Obviously he isn't right for you. First date and you have a problem. Just be done with him.

Secondly:

Did he get Park Place or Indiana Avenue? I've been looking for those.


----------



## treyvion

that_girl said:


> Defend?
> 
> :rofl: Ya'll don't listen.


Explain
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Wiserforit

Kimberley17 said:


> I offered to pay for mine and he said no.


Missed that before.

So you used your "date" coupon. That's cheap, yeah!. 

Got an opportunity to save money, and cashed in. Tacky.


----------



## Kimberley17

that_girl said:


> Wait. Where did you go on the date?


We went to a restaurant called Big Bowl


----------



## Kimberley17

Wiserforit said:


> Yes, exactly.
> 
> Would we call her "cheap"? No, we'd say she was wise with money and would count that as a desirable trait in a woman or man.


This is an entirely different situation


----------



## Kimberley17

Unique Username said:


> Shaggy called her on her Infidelity in her marriage so I doubt she comes back to post.....or who knows
> 
> I'm now completely bored with this lol
> 
> I'm off to clip coupons


What does my infidelity have to do with this topic?? And mentioning isn't going to scare me off. please...


----------



## Kimberley17

seasalt said:


> Kimberly,
> 
> My mom used to tell this story, my father would never confirm or deny it. They met at a church dance in 1944. After the dance he took her to a diner for a cup of coffee. No Starbucks then, coffee was $.05 a cup with free refills. She found out later when he encountered some friends that he had earlier won $300 (more than a month's wages then) in a crap game. They were married for 62 years. She never did say whether she got pie with the coffee.
> 
> Just sayin"
> 
> Seasalt
> 
> P.S. My wife and I live comfortably and are traveling away from home five or six months out of each year, we go on three or four cruises each year and I love using coupons whenever and wherever I can.


The topic is using a coupon on a FIRST DATE not ever ... I'm not opposed to using coupons but I maintain my opinion that on a first date it's tacky..


----------



## Chelle D

Wiserforit said:


> No, but if she buys food with coupons I’ll be angry.


OMGosh... Thanks for the chuckle!


----------



## Thundarr

Moderation is the key to success in life. First date coupon seems like an extreme though and it seems tacky to me too. Not because saving money is bad but because everyone knows you have to make a good first impression else you won't have the change to prove how awesome you are. Coupons, farting, belching, scratching, bossing, etc on a first date would be a quick trigger for a lot of people to move on to someone else. Maybe if things go well then later on he'll find a nice cubic zirconia ring for you since they are cheaper. Occasional dining at nice places may be out of the question unless you find a coupon. Maybe he'll have a firm grip on assets. Of course he could be the opposite of this but you only have what you've seen to go on.

Sure it's only a first date but when determining chemistry and compatibility for future dates, you have to imagine a future with the person or just think they're smoken hot. If he's going to pull out the coupons on first dates then he better be easy on the eyes.


----------



## Kimberley17

Thundarr said:


> Moderation is the key to success in life. First date coupon seems like an extreme though and it seems tacky to me too. Not because saving money is bad but because everyone knows you have to make a good first impression else you won't have the change to prove how awesome you are. Coupons, farting, belching, scratching, bossing, etc on a first date would be a quick trigger for a lot of people to move on to someone else. Maybe if things go well then later on he'll find a nice cubic zirconia ring for you since they are cheaper. Occasional dining at nice places may be out of the question unless you find a coupon. Maybe he'll have a firm grip on assets.
> 
> Sure it's only a first date but when determining chemistry and compatibility, you have to imagine a future with the person.


I don't see a future but there will be date #2. And someone asked earlier and yes, he was a good kisser which sealed the deal for a second date for me.


----------



## Chelle D

Well Kimberley17, I'll say this:

The second date should show some more light. If he's just a plain tacky person, or has no sense of social graces, it should come out soon enough.. by the third date at least I'd think!.

But , the second date.... If he commits other tacky acts of social graces.. then you've got your answer. If he's a great character of a man, that should come out soon enough as well.


----------



## Wiserforit

Thundarr said:


> Coupons, farting,


We aren't twelve year olds. This is an adult forum. Is this the best you can do in terms of an argument? A coupon is a fart?


----------



## Samayouchan

So, since you've said there will be a date #2...who's paying? LOL j/k. =3


----------



## GetTough

Mavash. said:


> It's like interviewing for a job. You show up with you best suit on. Later once you've got the job then you can relax a bit.
> 
> First impressions are huge.
> 
> This guy has come off as cheap and he may be just wise with money.
> 
> This wouldn't be a deal breaker for me but I'd sure be observing.
> 
> Frugal is fine cheap is not.


I'm not comfortable wearing a suit and tie to interviews any more and I feel even more ridiculous dressing up extra-special for a first date. I've tried both once or twice and it just feels wrong in the gut. It's dishonest and it's sucking up.

Be yourself! 

The trick is not to raise your standard for the interview or first date above your regular standard. Raise your regular standard instead!

Don't define yourself or attempt to make a special impression according to others expectations of you. Live up to your own expectations of yourself on a regular basis.


----------



## that_girl

Yes. By all means, be yourself.

However, on a first date, it's no harm, no foul, if another date didn't come from being yourself. Someone else will lap that up later on  Everyone has someone who is ga ga over them.

I am myself on dates. I have an active stomach though. Can't help it. I won't be farting on the first MANY dates. lol. Maybe not even until we're cohabitating hahaha...

I need to go back and see where this date was...


----------



## that_girl

treyvion said:


> Explain
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wasn't defending anyone.

I just said that for me, I like to pay on first dates for myself. I don't know the man and he doesn't know me or owe me dinner and the such.


----------



## that_girl

And there are sly ways to use coupons.

If the OP offered to pay and he said no, then just busted out a coupon, that is weird.

Better to say, "Ok, you can pay, but I have this coupon if you wanna use it." I dunno.

My first dates are usually just coffee though. If it's good, it can move on to lunch/dinner...but I like my first dates to be rather quick if I'm just meeting them for first time.


----------



## BjornFree

Maybe he's not the problem. Maybe you are the problem OP. Ever considered that? I say this after reading your other threads. 

I just don't understand why you're complaining. If you didn't like him you don't need to date him anymore. You just had a free meal and your're complaining about him using a coupon to pay for the food you ate? Wow.


----------



## GetTough

Unique Username said:


> I'm old school I suppose....
> 
> First meetings are always in public, neutral place - preferably daytime...coffee or other nice beverage...I have zero problems buying my own beverage if I arrive before my date....if after then he should ask what I'd enjoy and buy it......If he doesn't then this will more than likely be the first and last meeting.
> 
> I've never gone on a date to simply get a nice meal or drinks out of it.
> It isn't my problem if he had previous dates who were gold-diggers or out for just the free entertainment. If a date were to expect me to pay for the date....he isn't someone I would have any interest in.
> I also don't order the most expensive thing on the menu....I kind of gauge by what date is choosing and then choose something in same price range/or the same thing if it looks tasty. And I could care less if he uses a coupon or not.
> 
> 
> I expect doors to be opened, chair to be held, coat to be taken and favorable comments about my appearance. (If he doesn't find me attractive he can certainly show some decorum and mention that I have pretty eyes or You look nice this evening kinda thing) lol
> 
> I'm already financially disadvantaged (EH perpetual UNDER employment keeps his support payment ridiculously low) and there is no such thing as Alimony/Spousal Support in my state and in order for me to NOT have my child ever in daycare...I've made sacrifices so that he would have a Mother who is available for all school functions/field trips etc.....
> 
> I have zero desire to date anyone that is not going to improve my situation should we enter an LTR/Marriage. Same as I wouldn't CHOOSE to date someone that has illnesses/addictions/severe mental issues etc. Since I CAN choose - I choose.
> 
> just my 2 cents worth (and yes I'm watching them as we still have pennies here)


There is a big difference between expecting courtesy and expecting someone to suck up. That can quickly become an abuse of female power with weak men. I think that is degrading to those men. Lots of men won't tolerate being a lapdog and rightly so, in my opinion.


----------



## GetTough

CrazyGuy said:


> I did not bother reading all comments.
> 
> First disclaimer, I do not use coupons, but I do shop around.
> 
> Using a coupon on the first date tells me he is 1) Confident enough about exposing his real self. 2) Finically thoughtful, perhaps saving for the future. Personally I think paying less for the same items is smart. It allows extra money to go on more vacations, newer car, bigger house. Like others have posted you have to find out if he is being cheap or just smart with his money. Would you prefer some broke dude with lots of bling that pays for food with a snap card?
> 
> On the other hand, if he asked you if this bothered you and you lied about it.... That tells me something about you. You are presenting an image that is not you. If you would have said "yes it bothers me that you are using a coupon" it could have opened a dialog. He could have explained why he was using a coupon and then you would know more about him and this thread may not even be here. It could have been a test to see if you are a high maintenance gal.
> 
> Anyways, poor communication is a relationship killer and you already started miss communicating on your first date. So why not be honest with him and just tell him "you know what that did bother me." Start the dialog and find out if you two click or not. Save both you and him some time and money,  unless you are too shallow to do this.


:iagree: I think this post makes some strong points.


----------



## 2ntnuf

GetTough said:


> :iagree: I think this post makes some strong points.


I agree too. I had to go back and see where I quoted from. I thought maybe I read that and stole his idea. They were so close. LOL

Nah, never read that far. Stopped after I read the one I quoted.


----------



## PieceOfSky

Kimberley17 said:


> I don't see a future but there will be date #2. And someone asked earlier and yes, he was a good kisser which sealed the deal for a second date for me.


If you don't mind me asking, why would you go out with him if you thought his behavior was tacky and don't see a future? Do you plan to let him know that it seemed tacky to you?


----------



## alte Dame

This would have made me smile. It's definitely original.

When my H and I first started dating, he invited me to dinner at his place. He cooked a nice meal & then plopped a plate of Oreo cookies on the table for dessert. Cheap? I didn't think so. It made me laugh.


----------



## Entropy3000

Have not read the entire thread. Let me get this clear. The guy pays for the meal and there is an issue? How he chooses to pay is no ones business but his. I mean why did you not pay? LOL.

He should not have asked you. He should have just settled the bill.

I have no idea whether I would use a coupon or would not. I would not give it a second thought frankly. If that matters then we have no future anyway. If someone is into me they would not care. More importantly they would not notice. Does Morton Steak House even have coupons?

This all said, my wife handles he couponing ... Not likely I would have one if I was single again and going on a date.

Now if his date was really cool, she would have at least provided the coupon if she is not paying. LOL.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Thundarr said:


> First date coupon seems like an extreme though and it seems tacky to me too. Not because saving money is bad but because everyone knows you have to make a good first impression else you won't have the change to prove how awesome you are. *Coupons, farting, belching, scratching, bossing, etc on a first date would be a quick trigger for a lot of people to move on to someone else*. Maybe if things go well then later on he'll find a nice cubic zirconia ring for you since they are cheaper. Occasional dining at nice places may be out of the question unless you find a coupon. Maybe he'll have a firm grip on assets. Of course he could be the opposite of this but you only have what you've seen to go on.
> 
> Sure it's only a first date but when determining chemistry and compatibility for future dates, you have to imagine a future with the person or just think they're smoken hot. If he's going to pull out the coupons on first dates then he better be easy on the eyes.


Comparing coupons with Farting Thundarr.... that is a low blow to the frugal minded. 

I can see where you are coming from- to a point... I guess I am just not this shallow, or would jump to silent conclusions about someone over this. 

I am one of those people who feels we need to just BE who we are.. . me and mine are both thrifty...this doesn't mean he'd buy a cubic zirconia by any means... 

This idea that people who are thrifty is automatically cheap in all other ways is a misconception.... We are not this way.... we have given lump sums of cash (as high as $500) to friends in need - as a gift, never expected a dime back, we don't live in a cardboard box.... because we managed $$ so well...this has allowed us to buy what we want -when we want...never borrow, pay cash for every vehicle (only buy used though)... put down near half on our dream house 6 yrs into our marriage.... I think he spent TOO much on my rock... and even without a career on my end, we were debt free by our last son. 

If my date whipped out a coupon on the 1st date...it would be a nice *conversation piece* to learn more about him...that is all I would see... if he farted, I'd probably laugh- it would break the tension & ask if he needs Beano, we'd have a lively engaging conversation.... I guess I'd make a hell of an easy date. 

If he started talking about all the wreckless things he has done in his past, however, trying to humor me, I would probably find him an idiot. Character and responsibility would be something I'd be looking for... I see using coupons under being responsible with money .... I guess we are all different.


----------



## life101

Pbartender said:


> I never said it was. I was saying that's what she wants... She wants a guy who pretends to be a better person than he actually is on the first date.
> 
> We've all been taught that. When you first meet a person, we are all supposed to be on our best behavior in an effort to convince them that they like us more than they actually should.
> 
> So, we all end up starting relationships based on falsities... both ours and theirs. We have to spend time and effort trying to figure out if that person is really a giving, generous person, or were they just faking it to make a good first impression to get us hooked in. And we have to spend time and money trying to maintain our own "good first impressions" long enough in the hopes that we can hook them in return.
> 
> It's disingenuous.
> 
> It's a waste.


:iagree:

After reading this thread, and reading some of the responses, I am going to make it a point to use a coupon on every first date from now on. That's going to be a good test.

Thanks for posting.


----------



## life101

Convection said:


> Good grief, terrible rush to judgement in both directions around here.
> 
> Do you have any idea of the guy's financial situation? Is he escaping a from a marriage where he financially destroyed? Bad investments? Law partnership went under? Mother in the hospital and racking up tremendous medical bills? Or did he pull out a roll of $100s when it came time to pay and still used a coupon? What does he drive? Something less showy but reliable? Does he dress nicely but in less-expensive clothing? Do you know where he lives? Nice neighborhood? Cheap apartment?
> 
> I remember dating on a budget. If I had $27 to spend on a girl one night and that was it, I would do whatever I could to stretch it out: coupons, free cover-charge, avoiding valet parking, whatever. If using a $10 coupon meant I could spend the extra $10 on a round of putt-putt, or movie tickets, or Starbucks on the patio to keep the date going, bet your *** I would have used it. *Who gives more: the guy who is strapped, has $27 and spends every penny on her? Or the guy who spends hundreds, when he could have dropped thousands without hurting his bank account?* Not saying this happened but providing another perspective.
> 
> Treat this as it is: just a data point. If it's a one-time moment of frugality, don't let it bother you. If it is a trend, then it what it is, and so is he - and you can decide based on that.


Quoted for truth. Now, where can I find a woman who thinks like that?


----------



## TiggyBlue

I guess where my family/I lived tight for so many years that not using a $10 coupon is the same as setting a $10 bill on fire or putting it down the drain, even when you do have some money it seems kinda imbecilic not to use it.
I'm not sure if I think there is a tacky way for someone to pay for someone else's meal ( I know going dutch was offered but he did end up paying it).

Oh bringing a jar of roaches to put on your plate at the end so he can refuse to pay, that I would find tacky.


----------



## PBear

My POV is that you can use the coupon when dining with friends or family. Using it on a first date is apparently either a test or cheap/frugal. And I guess I wouldn't be in those categories. While I respect those people who are focused on saving a buck, that's not necessarily my personality. Not that either of us are wrong, but it's just not my focus. Especially on a first date. The focus should be on getting to putting each other at ease and getting to know each other. 

C


----------



## Convection

TiggyBlue said:


> Oh bringing a jar of roaches to put on your plate at the end so he can refuse to pay, that I would find tacky.


That's tacky because it's *dishonest*. That tells you something much more negative about the person than the use of a coupon does.

Cool convo, lot's of good points all around.

Kim, you said you have a second date lined up. Maybe just keep this in the back of your head and see where it goes from there? Could be indicative of a trend or it could have just been a one-time thing.


----------



## Caribbean Man

This thread has really been an interesting one for me.
In our country we don't have coupons , but I think there is some sort of discount cards , [ my wife has some ] where money is transferred to by merchants when you shop at their businesses.
Magna rewards gold is one such card. It can be used to offset the cost of diners at restaurants etc.

Anyway , from my experience , when there is genuine attraction and chemistry between two people , simple stuff like what this guy did don't really matter.
Just being with the person is all that matters.
So whether the date was low budget or fancy and impressive, _" it's all good."_


----------



## Thundarr

Wiserforit said:


> We aren't twelve year olds. This is an adult forum. Is this the best you can do in terms of an argument? A coupon is a fart?


Actually twelve year old would be more likely to take two words out of context from a hundred and spin it into snark and condescension. Do you really think that's what was said in over a hundred words? 

Yes I think it's tacky to use a coupon on a first date as did K17 and you don't think it's tacky. I also think there's a long list of other things that you avoid on first dates but are fine once you get to know someone.


----------



## Thundarr

Who knew coupons would be such a hot topic? It makes sense though. A lot of people (me included) use coupons, buy things on sale, hits the early bird to get better price at a nice restaraunt, etc.

This thread is too full of offended hearts though. I'd bet most everyone offended about the "coupons being tacky on first date" notion haven't actually used a coupon on a first date or had a coupon used on a first date (sure someone has). That's because we all know things can be misread on first impression and we simply avoid it.


----------



## Blondilocks

The coupon question seems more fitting for those starry-eyed people who have not yet experienced the walk down the aisle. Will he/she be the ONE?

For older people, this isn't their first rodeo. Expectations may need to be altered.


----------



## Phenix70

Entropy3000 said:


> Have not read the entire thread. Let me get this clear. The guy pays for the meal and there is an issue? How he chooses to pay is no ones business but his. I mean why did you not pay? LOL.
> 
> He should not have asked you. He should have just settled the bill.
> 
> I have no idea whether I would use a coupon or would not. I would not give it a second thought frankly. If that matters then we have no future anyway. If someone is into me they would not care. More importantly they would not notice. Does Morton Steak House even have coupons?
> 
> This all said, my wife handles he couponing ... Not likely I would have one if I was single againand going on a date.
> 
> *Now if his date was really cool, she would have at least provided the coupon if she is not paying. * LOL.


Did that on my 1st date with my H, we went to the movies, which I paid for & dinner, which he paid for. 
I had my Entertainment coupon book with me & we used it.
To this day, we're all about using coupons when we can when we go out.

OP, there have been some very valid posts regarding you lying to your date when he asked if it was ok for him to use the coupon.
Why did you lie to him, why were you not honest?
You thought he was a good enough kisser, hence a 2nd date.
But if you don't see it going beyond that, why are you leading him on?


----------



## Paradise

This entire thread just bothers me. People debating over how the man chooses to pay for a date! It is his money! Plus, he didn't even know what was on the coupon. It was one of those scratch-off things!!! Would it have been better if he only got $1 instead of ten? I'm sorry, but if a lady had a problem with how I pay for a date then that would be a deal breaker for me! 

You know, come to think of it, if a lady had an affair in her past relationship that would be a deal breaker for me as well. And I would be really upset if I spent money on a lady for several dates that didn't see any potential in the relationship. 

To the OP, just make sure on the 2nd date you disclose some information as well. Maybe he will be the one that doesn't find it worth the hassle.


----------



## DaytoDay

I don't find it tacky at all! In fact, I find it incredibly sexy that he could be so authentic and confident in who/what he is that he didn't feel the need to be/act anything other than exactly who he was. He even wrapped in courteous behavior, being sensitive to you and your thoughts on the matter. He exposed himself in an open and honest way, allowing you the opportunity to make an informed decision about whether you like him, as he really is, without pretense or show. What an incredible gift from a virtual stranger! 

It's unfortunate you couldn't offer him the same courtesy and be honest with him that you thought it was tacky.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Kimberley17 said:


> He was not at all discreet and did not mention it until the bill came. It was a scratch off coupon so the server had to scratch it off to see what his savings was LOL. It was $10. My impression is now that he is cheap. As I said I am still going to see him again. Oh, and I did offer him money and he said absolutely not..


 If he was seriously Mr El cheapO Creep-O..he would have taken your money when you offered...He didn't. Smile .... try not to look upon him with distaste. 



EleGirl said:


> A person who is frugal but generous will find ways to get the things and do the things that you both want. He's do it even if it means using coupons, $$ off deals, etc. He both you and him to have good things in your lives. He will not resent you for your wants and needs unless they are truly unreasonable.
> 
> A person who is not generous will be stingy with everything and resent you.
> 
> My son's father is not a generous man. It causes real problems in our marriage. He had no problem spending my money. But if anything ever came up that needed his money, he was cruel and resentful. He made a comment before me married that no woman will ever get her hands on his money. I should have paid attention to that... the sentiment and tone of his voice was the clue. I was far from a gold digger. I brought as much financially to the relationship as he did. There was no need for him to make just a nasty comment to me. I should have run.. I was stupid and stayed.
> 
> Talk about relationships, talk about money. Talk about money in relationships.


Excellent post, don't Pre-judge people... I am as frugal as they come but I'd never be anything like what was described here, neither would my husband...the motivations behind one's thriftiness speak volumes..is it to bless your life & others..being responsible so we don't have need to depend on anyone or borrow ....or is this person before you a MISER /a Scrooge before the 3 Ghost visits....



lenzi said:


> Totally tacky.
> 
> Probably means he's got no money.
> 
> Red flag for sure. If you marry this guy financial problems will be your downfall.


 Many who SUCK with $$ generally have no care about coupons...they live off of their credit cards for all their eyes can, the aftermath is too often debt collectors, needing to borrow. 



Kimberley17 said:


> This wasn't an expensive restaurant. The total bill was $27. *Now that I think about it he didn't order a soda only water so maybe he is cheap!* I'll see what happens on date 2.


 Love these automatic labels ..we always get water...I was a water date back then to.. 



CrazyGuy said:


> Using a coupon on the first date tells me he is 1) Confident enough about exposing his real self. 2)* Finically thoughtful, perhaps saving for the future. Personally I think paying less for the same items is smart. It allows extra money to go on more vacations, newer car, bigger house. Like others have posted you have to find out if he is being cheap or just smart with his money. *






> On the other hand, if he asked you if this bothered you and you lied about it.... That tells me something about you. You are presenting an image that is not you. If you would have said "yes it bothers me that you are using a coupon" it could have opened a dialog. He could have explained why he was using a coupon and then you would know more about him and this thread may not even be here. It could have been a test to see if you are a high maintenance gal.


 I wanted to post something like this, but you beat me to the chase Crazy Guy.. well done. :smthumbup: So it seems we have both of them pretending at this point.. didn't he say he FOUND the coupon in his car or something (I forget -read it quickly)...most likely he is hiding the truth on that too....since he is aware some women have a stick up their butts over something this silly.... then her not being honest with him... Oh my...the games people play to impress. 

To the OP...If this lasts... into months , where your hair can be let down..and coupons won't be taboo in your eyes..... I dare you to come forth and let him know you posted this thread & how you really felt...and that only his kiss got him a 2nd date. Maybe you will have learned something through this - and can even laugh about it. 



Entropy3000 said:


> Now if his date was really cool, she would have at least provided the coupon if she is not paying. LOL.


 I would do this! 




> *Thundarr said*: This thread is too full of offended hearts though. I'd bet most everyone offended about the "coupons being tacky on first date" notion haven't actually used a coupon on a first date or had a coupon used on a first date (sure someone has). That's because we all know things can be misread on first impression and we simply avoid it.


 I am not offended at all really.. I just take a completely opposite view .... I would seriously praise a man for whipping out a darn coupon.. Wouldn't make no difference at all if this was a 1st date or not.. it would open the dialog... and No, I wouldn't want to be dating SCROOGE.... so there is a dividing line, of course. I just wouldn't pre-judge this as tacky in any way. 

Not long ago...we were at Burger king getting our family those 50 cents ice cream cones.... this young guy cashier strikes up this conversation with us-he noticed we had an OLD $10 bill- how he saves them, and silver dollars...shows us some in his register... I went on praising him how he is a wise young man.... Probably a little overboard even... but ya know.. that's what I thought.. if more young people saved money like that - in their youth, they wouldn't get in such a damn mess financially in later life...causing them all sorts of stress & heartache...yeah, even if he works at a Burger King.... It just kinda made my day to see a young person with that forethought... I also thought to myself... some young girl will be very lucky to grab hold of him!


----------



## that_girl

It was just a coupon. If she doesn't like it, then she should just give him 1/2 the money for the dates or say nothing because it was a FIRST DATE. The fact that she is going on a 2nd date is interesting, but not my problem.

And not everyone who goes on dates and pays full price are living off credit cards and hiding huge debt


----------



## EleGirl

life101 said:


> Quoted for truth. Now, where can I find a woman who thinks like that?


I think that there are a lot of women who think like that. Many of us on this thread have.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

that_girl said:


> And not everyone who goes on dates and pays full price are living off credit cards and hiding huge debt


 Of course not ....Though we have a GF like that, she lives it high on the hog and she is loosing her home, credit cards all maxed out, but she eats at the finest restaurants! She was always inviting us out with her... (thankfully she was able to move in with her BF...so save herself). 

I was responding to Lenzi's post that spoke anyone who uses a coupon on the 1st date is totally TACKY...Broke for sure... RED flag, and will spell financial ruin... Neither = truth ....it could go either way.


----------



## Wiserforit

Thundarr said:


> Actually twelve year old would be more likely to take two words out of context from a hundred and spin it into snark and condescension. Do you really think that's what was said in over a hundred words?


Not what I think. It's what you did. 

You didn't stop there either, you listed belching and a number of other equally idiotic comparisons. 

Do you have an argument that speaks to coupons instead of farts, belching, etc?


----------



## Wiserforit

Thundarr said:


> I'd bet most everyone offended about the "coupons being tacky on first date" notion haven't actually used a coupon on a first date or had a coupon used on a first date (sure someone has). That's because we all know things can be misread on first impression and we simply avoid it.


God, what facile reasoning. On average, adults in the US dine out five times a week. So this is on the order of a billion a week. There is some tiny fraction of that number in coupons available. Most people aren't using coupons because there isn't a coupon for every place you want to go every night of the week. 

There also is no difference between a coupon or a two-for-one pizza night or ten cent beer Wednesday, girls get in free day, military or senior discount, or whatever deal the place is having. 

I understand the need to deceive people that comes from the low self esteem crowd. They want to conflate courtesy and polite behavior with wasting money. 

Wasting money is not courteous, nor polite. It is stupid. It is the same mentality that gets you into the kind of debt Americans are carrying.


----------



## OnTheRocks

So Kimberly17, are you still glad you cheated on your ex H? I see the entitlement complex is still going strong...


----------



## Entropy3000

Phenix70 said:


> Did that on my 1st date with my H, we went to the movies, which I paid for & dinner, which he paid for.
> I had my Entertainment coupon book with me & we used it.
> To this day, we're all about using coupons when we can when we go out.
> 
> OP, there have been some very valid posts regarding you lying to your date when he asked if it was ok for him to use the coupon.
> Why did you lie to him, why were you not honest?
> You thought he was a good enough kisser, hence a 2nd date.
> But if you don't see it going beyond that, why are you leading him on?


I love this! It shows team work. Willing to partner. That shows someone you want to be with them. That is it not just a free dinner, movie or whatever. Nice.


----------



## life101

EleGirl said:


> I think that there are a lot of women who think like that. Many of us on this thread have.


I know. I was being silly. 
My own mother and maternal aunts are like that.


----------



## that_girl

Five times a week?

HOly crap! No wonder so many people have health issues.

I go out about 2 times a month. LOL.


----------



## Kimberley17

OnTheRocks said:


> So Kimberly17, are you still glad you cheated on your ex H? I see the entitlement complex is still going strong...


I feel entitled because I thought it was tacky to use a coupon on a first date? I'm sorry, I don't see how you came to that conclusion. And what does my affair have to do with anything? It's very unhealthy to go through life so bitter. I feel sorry for you..


----------



## PBear

that_girl said:


> Five times a week?
> 
> HOly crap! No wonder so many people have health issues.
> 
> I go out about 2 times a month. LOL.


I rarely cook for myself, and I'd compare my "health" to anyone else's gladly. You can eat out and eat healthy. Financially though, it's not healthy. 

I asked my SO what she would have thought if I pulled out a coupon on our first date. Her initial response was it was a little tacky. But if it was presented as "Hey, I just got a coupon for this new place, and I've been wanting to try it!", it would have gone over ok. But in general, it wouldn't have been a positive.

Seems it comes down to two camps... Frugal and "not so much". Nothing wrong with either position, you just have to find your match. Like animal people and non-animal people, I guess.

C


----------



## Kimberley17

Entropy3000 said:


> I love this! It shows team work. Willing to partner. That shows someone you want to be with them. That is it not just a free dinner, movie or whatever. Nice.


I can see dating him for a while but it doesn't have long term potential.


----------



## PBear

Kimberley17 said:


> I can see dating him for a while but it doesn't have long term potential.


You've said that a couple of times, but why do you say that? And why date him at all, then?

C


----------



## Maricha75

that_girl said:


> Five times a week?
> 
> HOly crap! No wonder so many people have health issues.
> 
> I go out about 2 times a month. LOL.


Less than that for us. We don't have coupons for any restaurants to make it worth going. 

I'm only half joking though. It's true that we don't have coupons for the restaurants we would go to. But it's also true that going out is way too expensive. I'd say we go out, or get take out or something like that...maybe once every three months? MAYBE that often.

As far as Thundarr's assumption:



Thundarr said:


> Who knew coupons would be such a hot topic? It makes sense though. A lot of people (me included) use coupons, buy things on sale, hits the early bird to get better price at a nice restaraunt, etc.
> 
> This thread is too full of offended hearts though. I'd bet most everyone offended about the "coupons being tacky on first date" notion haven't actually used a coupon on a first date or had a coupon used on a first date (sure someone has). That's because we all know things can be misread on first impression and we simply avoid it.


Well, there's a flip side to that. Some cannot even afford to go to a restaurant, even on a first date, without using a discount or coupon or the like. I stand by my assertion that I would not find it tacky. I would even PREFER that less money is spent.


----------



## Wiserforit

PBear said:


> You've said that a couple of times, but why do you say that? And why date him at all, then?
> 
> C


Isn't that obvious? Free dinner and whatever else she can scam off him.


----------



## Entropy3000

Kimberley17 said:


> I can see dating him for a while but it doesn't have long term potential.


Then why bother?

Third date is sex ... right?

So where was dinner BTW? You were ok with where the date was but not that they had a scratch off coupon.


----------



## Entropy3000

Maricha75 said:


> Less than that for us. We don't have coupons for any restaurants to make it worth going.
> 
> I'm only half joking though. It's true that we don't have coupons for the restaurants we would go to. But it's also true that going out is way too expensive. I'd say we go out, or get take out or something like that...maybe once every three months? MAYBE that often.
> 
> As far as Thundarr's assumption:
> 
> 
> 
> Well, there's a flip side to that. Some cannot even afford to go to a restaurant, even on a first date, without using a discount or coupon or the like. I stand by my assertion that I would not find it tacky. I would even PREFER that less money is spent.


You know if I took a date out and spent a couple of hundred dollars and had any kind of a discount I would use it. 

Now the real issue is this.

The important part.

Did he tip based on the original price of the meal.

At least the scatch off was $10. It could have been a free happy meal.

I think this thread is hysterical. While I do want to put my best foot forward, I for sure want to be myself. Now if we got a dollar off per tat my date had and I had her showing hers tats ... then that just might be tacky. If the scatch off got me a free lap dance ... then that might be tacky.


----------



## Fozzy

Coupon on a first date.


Don't do this.


----------



## Shaggy

Lets bring this back to a true tam discussion,

1. Did he use the coupon as a test of you? Perhaps he's running his own evaluation to see how you'd react,

2. Perhaps he's married and his wife would notice the extra amount, so he had to use the coupon to cover himself?

3. Next date put a var in his car so you can catch him talking to his coupon partner 

4. Don't confront too soon, you don't want him hiding the coupons and going underground.


----------



## Kria

Kimberley17 said:


> I can see dating him for a while but it doesn't have long term potential.


What's the point then? You have a problem with his first date coupon usage and you already don't see long term potential with him. Why waste anymore of this man's time?

I hope he knows where he stands with you and that he is on the same page. If not then you are being fraudulent with him.


----------



## alte Dame

Shaggy said:


> Lets bring this back to a true tam discussion,
> 
> 1. Did he use the coupon as a test of you? Perhaps he's running his own evaluation to see how you'd react,
> 
> 2. Perhaps he's married and his wife would notice the extra amount, so he had to use the coupon to cover himself?
> 
> 3. Next date put a var in his car so you can catch him talking to his coupon partner
> 
> 4. Don't confront too soon, you don't want him hiding the coupons and going underground.


You should demand that he go NC aka 'no coupon.'


----------



## life101

Shaggy said:


> Lets bring this back to a true tam discussion,
> 
> 1. Did he use the coupon as a test of you? Perhaps he's running his own evaluation to see how you'd react,
> 
> 2. Perhaps he's married and his wife would notice the extra amount, so he had to use the coupon to cover himself?
> 
> 3. Next date put a var in his car so you can catch him talking to his coupon partner
> 
> 4. Don't confront too soon, you don't want him hiding the coupons and going underground.





alte Dame said:


> You should demand that he go NC aka 'no coupon.'


:rofl:


----------



## Wiltshireman

Having just got back from the USA I found that coupons and their use seemed endemic.

We were given vouchers where ever we went, the airline gives you vouchers for hire cars. The car hire company gives you a tourist map full of adverts for local restaurants / attractions each with an offer coupon. The lobby at the hotel or apartment complex has a stand full of leaflets and books of discount codes. The theme parks have upgrade your ticket offers.

We did take advantage of a few off them (10% off the bill / kids eat free). My wife was happy for me to get the discounts as it meant we eat out more frequently than we otherwise would have so there was less cooking / clearing up to do at the apartment. 

(I admit to not having read all the reply’s on this thread of if my point has been raised before I am sorry.)


----------



## PBear

Wiltshireman said:


> Having just got back from the USA I found that coupons and their use seemed endemic.
> 
> We were given vouchers where ever we went, the airline gives you vouchers for hire cars. The car hire company gives you a tourist map full of adverts for local restaurants / attractions each with an offer coupon. The lobby at the hotel or apartment complex has a stand full of leaflets and books of discount codes. The theme parks have upgrade your ticket offers.
> 
> We did take advantage of a few off them (10% off the bill / kids eat free). My wife was happy for me to get the discounts as it meant we eat out more frequently than we otherwise would have so there was less cooking / clearing up to do at the apartment.
> 
> (I admit to not having read all the reply’s on this thread of if my point has been raised before I am sorry.)


I suspect this didn't all happen on your first date, though...

C


----------



## Thundarr

Maricha75 said:


> As far as Thundarr's assumption:
> 
> 
> Well, there's a flip side to that. Some cannot even afford to go to a restaurant, even on a first date, without using a discount or coupon or the like. I stand by my assertion that I would not find it tacky. I would even PREFER that less money is spent.


I've been married for a long time so when I think of first dates, I'm thinking of me many years ago or of younger people dating now. With that said, it wouldn't have made sense to me to take a first date to a place I couldn't afford to eat at even once.

That flipside btw wasn't related to any assumption I made. The assumption I made yet didn't articulate well apparently is that I think everyone's getting offended at something so tiny and it's a hypothetical situation for most of us who are not dating anyway. Ok I would think it's tacky to use a coupon on the first date and you wouldn't think it's tacky. That doesn't provide some magic key to our psyches. It's one little idea out of thousands. Surely there's better topics to get offended and angry at each other about.


----------



## Thundarr

Kimberley17 said:


> I can see dating him for a while but it doesn't have long term potential.


Kimberley, I guess everyone thinks you should set at home and watch little house reruns instead of dating. You have several "why bother" comments as if he has to be your one true love or you just can't go on a date with him.


----------



## OnTheRocks

Kimberley17 said:


> I feel entitled because I thought it was tacky to use a coupon on a first date? I'm sorry, I don't see how you came to that conclusion. And what does my affair have to do with anything? It's very unhealthy to go through life so bitter. I feel sorry for you..


It shows a pattern. Yes, an entitled princess would be mildly offended by a man using a coupon on a first date. I agree with those that said it could be a sh!t test by him. Being a lawyer he's probably dated a lot of princesses, so he's trying to weed you out ASAP.


----------



## Kimberley17

Wiserforit said:


> Isn't that obvious? Free dinner and whatever else she can scam off him.


You're a joke and I feel sorry for your wife. It's pretty sad you are going through life so bitter. You are reading wayyyy more into things. It was just a question. Love how you think you know me just bc I had an affair..


----------



## Kimberley17

OnTheRocks said:


> It shows a pattern. Yes, an entitled princess would be mildly offended by a man using a coupon on a first date. I agree with those that said it could be a sh!t test by him. Being a lawyer he's probably dated a lot of princesses, so he's trying to weed you out ASAP.


Mostly this forum is great but some of you people on here are so darn bitter it borders in unreasonable. There are a lot of women and men who feel using a coupon on a FIRST DATE is a bit tacky. Obviously, you are one of the tacky ones who would do it. And we have a 2nd date tomorrow .. I wouldn't tell him it bothers me as I see no reason to. I was more taken aback than anything.


----------



## Kimberley17

Thundarr said:


> Kimberley, I guess everyone thinks you should set at home and watch little house reruns instead of dating. You have several "why bother" comments as if he has to be your one true love or you just can't go on a date with him.


I know right. I just got divorced but I'm supposed to be looking to jump into another serious relationship. Dating is dating .. I just can't get used to all the negativity and attackers on here from the bitter people. It's so useless..


----------



## Kimberley17

PBear said:


> I suspect this didn't all happen on your first date, though...
> 
> C


People.. I am NOT opposed to using coupons. I just don't think the first date is the time to whip one out. My opinion.


----------



## PBear

Kimberley17 said:


> People.. I am NOT opposed to using coupons. I just don't think the first date is the time to whip one out. My opinion.


Hey, I'm on your side! . I was commenting on his post about a holiday trip and using coupons that were provided as part of the package. And I doubted a trip like that was a first date thing. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Wiltshireman

Kimberley17 said:


> People.. I am NOT opposed to using coupons. I just don't think the first date is the time to whip one out. My opinion.


There are worse things he could have "whipped out" on a first date than a coupon.

I do think that "first dates" like "first impressions" should require from us all that extra effort, better planning.
It has been nearly 20 years since my wife and I got married so I am very out of touch with modern "first date" protocols but I thought of them like "job interviews" my chance to impress so there would have been no chance of me using a coupon and a good chance of a healthy tip for the staff if the meal / service was good.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

We all are entitled to our opinion. Whether or not the coupon was tacky or not. Not everyone who agrees with using the coupon is bitter. Yes, there is plenty of negativity on this site, but there is a lot of positive and good advice as well. The good outweighs over the bad. 

Good luck in future dating. Personally I think dating in general just plain sucks.


----------



## golfergirl

I find this thread totally bizarre. It's like people are angry at OP for her feelings on this coupon. To the point they are calling her a user and other horrible things. I think that is tacky, calling someone down for their opinion over something so stupid. Entitled princess? Really? I think she behaved politely. I don't think he did anything wrong either. I also don't think she sees it as an infraction not worth a second date. So to say she's using him for meals and outings or fraudulent for not making a stink is just cruel and ridiculous. She was taken aback. Dating etiquette over the years talks about first impressions. She wondered why he took the chance on the coupon because really, some people are taken aback by that. I wear yoga pants, no make up and hair in a pony tail at home quite often. Am I misrepresenting me because I wear skirt, heels and do my hair for an outing? 
I read this thread last night and really was thinking badly of the OP, but the mob mentality must have been getting to me. Would I be taken aback by coupon use on first date? I don't think so, but I would probably wonder if my date was into me because the average joe, my generation wouldn't chance it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## OnTheRocks

Kimberley17 said:


> Mostly this forum is great but some of you people on here are so darn bitter it borders in unreasonable. There are a lot of women and men who feel using a coupon on a FIRST DATE is a bit tacky. Obviously, you are one of the tacky ones who would do it. And we have a 2nd date tomorrow .. I wouldn't tell him it bothers me as I see no reason to. I was more taken aback than anything.


I probably wouldn't use a coupon on a first date, but the only part I think is tacky (unless it's true) is the cheesy excuse about finding it in his car on the way over. 

Your snarky comments about the $27 total bill for the dinner, or the fact that it was a scratch off coupon for only $10 off, are way more tacky than him using the coupon.


----------



## Hicks

This is one data point.

If you date him for a time, you will find out if he is cheap, or you will find out that he is frugal yet generous.

There is no way to tell what he is like from one date.


----------



## Maricha75

Kimberley17 said:


> You're a joke and I feel sorry for your wife. It's pretty sad you are going through life so bitter. You are reading wayyyy more into things. It was just a question.* Love how you think you know me just bc I had an affair..*


Well, that particular point, the fact that you, as far as I have seen/read, have no remorse for cheating on your husband.... Sorry, that says more than you might think, Kim.



Kimberley17 said:


> Mostly this forum is great but some of you people on here are so darn bitter it borders in unreasonable. *There are a lot of women and men who feel using a coupon on a FIRST DATE is a bit tacky. Obviously, you are one of the tacky ones who would do it. *And we have a 2nd date tomorrow .. I wouldn't tell him it bothers me as I see no reason to. I was more taken aback than anything.


There are also many men and women who see nothing wrong with it. That's what some of us have said. I think it's a bit more tacky to say "yeah, ok, that's fine" then come on a forum and gripe about it... but that's JMO. You just met this guy, right? You know virtually nothing about him? Hos background, how he was raised? This very well may be something that was a normal part of his upbringing. When you have virtually nothing, you save where you can... even if you CAN afford not to, often it is so ingrained that it's an automatic response. Maybe this is not the case with him. Maybe he IS cheap. Maybe it WAS a sh!t test. But please, do not throw us all into that category just because some of us WOULD use coupons, even on first dates, if our funds were lacking otherwise.



Kimberley17 said:


> I know right. *I just got divorced but I'm supposed to be looking to jump into another serious relationship*. Dating is dating .. I just can't get used to all the negativity and attackers on here from the bitter people. It's so useless..


No, you're not. At the same time, I think it's a cheap shot, very tacky, for someone who cheated on her spouse to be complaining (and yes, you have complained...to the point that you actually called the man cheap because he chose water, a healthy drink, over soda during the meal) that a man is cheap/tacky for using a coupon on a date. Again, JMO.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

I would find it cute.Endearing in a way.Likely I would have laughed and made a light joke to loosen up the initial weirdness of it since let's face it,coupon usage on a date isn't very common.I don't think it's tacky but then again,I also don't think the man should always have to pay simply because he wants to spend time with a female.


----------



## Thundarr

ScarletBegonias said:


> I would find it cute.Endearing in a way.Likely I would have laughed and made a light joke to loosen up the initial weirdness of it since let's face it,coupon usage on a date isn't very common.I don't think it's tacky but then again,I also don't think the man should always have to pay simply because he wants to spend time with a female.


I think K17's feeling of initial weirdness is why she thinks it's in bad taste (definition of tacky). I'm not sure why she got slammed for 15 pages over it.


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## LonelyinLove

Fiscally responsible.

I would be impressed.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Thundarr said:


> I think K17's feeling of initial weirdness is why she thinks it's in bad taste (definition of tacky).


I wouldn't argue her feelings based on the uncommon nature of the situation.
I wouldn't call it tacky but if she feels it's tacky I guess he'll have to find a way to live with that or don't date her.


----------



## Kobo

lmao. A man not worried about a second date... Has Kimberly all confused, Head spinning. "He's cheap and tacky but I'll give him another shot." Better watch out


----------



## Entropy3000

Actually I think it bizarre that in this world of equality that it is assumed the guy pay for everything period.

If a woman does not make enough money to impress me why would I bother going out with her?

She could pay for the pre dinner drinks at the least. or maybe if I pay for the first date she take me out on the next.

This is not Mad Men times you know. Is it not tacky to expect the guy to pay for everything?

Why can't she pick me up. Bring me flowers. I do not want to feel like a cheap piece of meat. I suppose if the sex is good I could bend my rules.


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## Entropy3000

A couple working out a pre-date agreement.


----------



## Kobo

Entropy3000 said:


> Actually I think it bizarre that in this world of equality that it is assumed the guy pay for everything period.
> 
> If a woman does not make enough money to impress me why would I bother going out with her?
> 
> She could pay for the pre dinner drinks at the least. or maybe if I pay for the first date she take me out on the next.
> 
> This is not Mad Men times you know. Is it not tacky to expect the guy to pay for everything?
> 
> Why can't she pick me up. Bring me flowers. I do not want to feel like a cheap piece of meat. I suppose if the sex is good I could bend my rules.



I for one have never had a problem being used like a cheap piece of meat but that' just me.


----------



## Entropy3000

Kobo said:


> I for one have never had a problem being used like a cheap piece of meat but that' just me.


I want to be romanced and swept off my feet. 

She needs to ravage me.


----------



## Kobo

Entropy3000 said:


> I want to be romanced and swept off my feet.
> 
> She needs to ravage me.


You're such a princess


----------



## Entropy3000

Kobo said:


> You're such a princess




In all seriousness, what I am saying is that this needs to be a two way street for me. Before I was married, it was this way. I can certainly play the in charge chivalrous guy and treat my lady with style. But I expect the reverse as well. Way back when I did not have to chase so hard. I was just myself. Speaking somehwat hypothetically the women I know are professionals. They have their own money and means. They are the types that would love to take an active role.

Dazzle me lady. It is a dance.

So this is the challenge I am throwing down.

( Go Navy )


----------



## alte Dame

When my H and I were dating (35 years ago - groan), we just naturally split everything. He was a poor assistant professor & I was a poor grad student. Why should I expect him to foot the bill for me? And that was a long time ago.

I don't think it's at all tacky that this man used a coupon. I would have found it endearing and interesting. Fair and open mind vs. blind judgement is what is animating this long thread, in my opinion. I am in the camp that believes it is not generous to judge someone negatively, even in a small way, for something like this.


----------



## Acorn

Thread has me thinking about my recent first date...

I suggested two restaurants, mentioned jokingly that I had a coupon for the second choice, and she said "Well definitely the second then."

Many dates later, we often have fun looking through restaurant coupons on a given Saturday night and picking our restaurant based on which coupon looks best.

I must have gotten very lucky.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

Call me crazy, but I think it would be fine to use a coupon to help pay for a meal. Now, I think it would go over the edge if he had a whole slew of different coupons for the restaurant and tried to influence what you ordered in order to save a lot of money. I'm talking on the first date here.


----------



## Entropy3000

Now if she was willing to hear a sales pitch about property in Arkansas perhaps it could be a business expense.

Or even better maybe this could be a free meal that was earned during the last date with a different woman.

They might remark, oh you changed the color of your hair ...


----------



## Kimberley17

Maricha75 said:


> Well, that particular point, the fact that you, as far as I have seen/read, have no remorse for cheating on your husband.... Sorry, that says more than you might think, Kim.
> 
> 
> 
> There are also many men and women who see nothing wrong with it. That's what some of us have said. I think it's a bit more tacky to say "yeah, ok, that's fine" then come on a forum and gripe about it... but that's JMO. You just met this guy, right? You know virtually nothing about him? Hos background, how he was raised? This very well may be something that was a normal part of his upbringing. When you have virtually nothing, you save where you can... even if you CAN afford not to, often it is so ingrained that it's an automatic response. Maybe this is not the case with him. Maybe he IS cheap. Maybe it WAS a sh!t test. But please, do not throw us all into that category just because some of us WOULD use coupons, even on first dates, if our funds were lacking otherwise.
> 
> 
> 
> No, you're not. At the same time, I think it's a cheap shot, very tacky, for someone who cheated on her spouse to be complaining (and yes, you have complained...to the point that you actually called the man cheap because he chose water, a healthy drink, over soda during the meal) that a man is cheap/tacky for using a coupon on a date. Again, JMO.[/QUO
> 
> What does cheating on my former spouse have to do with thinking using a coupon on a first date is tacky? I don't see the correlation so please enlighten me. I wasn't saying he was cheap because he ordered water. I was analyzing if perhaps he is considering he ordered water. And by the way, Prior to meeting we have gotten to know each other a little and he is not financially hurting and he was brought up with money, HOWEVER, I am not saying he should be spending his money on me. This is not about how much money. It was the principal of the sitaution of using a coupon on a first date. I still think it's odd. We are going out again tomorrow and I will offer to pay once again.


----------



## Kimberley17

Acorn said:


> Thread has me thinking about my recent first date...
> 
> I suggested two restaurants, mentioned jokingly that I had a coupon for the second choice, and she said "Well definitely the second then."
> 
> Many dates later, we often have fun looking through restaurant coupons on a given Saturday night and picking our restaurant based on which coupon looks best.
> 
> I must have gotten very lucky.


Sorry, but that is a totally different scenario. Had we discussed it beforehand I would have said the same thing. It just caught me off guard. Especially that he asked if I minded if he used it shows that he knew it wasn't a typical first date thing to do. It really doesn't matter. I just wanted people's thought on the subject. I like him to see him again (tomorrow) and I'll take it from there.


----------



## Entropy3000

Is It Okay to Use a Coupon on a First Date? | Budgets Are Sexy


----------



## Wiserforit

Kimberley17 said:


> You're a joke and I feel sorry for your wife. It's pretty sad you are going through life so bitter. You are reading wayyyy more into things. It was just a question. Love how you think you know me just bc I had an affair..


You have a lot of stock manipulative plays, none of which are impressive.

Like claiming that you feel sorry for people or that they are bitter. Ad hominems are what children do. Name-calling, no better than saying "You're a poopy butt"

When you have requested opinions and then hurl numerous ad hominems at people who disagree with you, this is a key insight into a person's character. It is a form of ambush - invite opinions then attack people as if they were doing something wrong by answering the question you asked of them. 

We also learn from personality analysis how vitally important observing seemingly trivial behavior is. That's because even the most pernicious sociopath is busy camoflaging nearly everything they do with noble intentions.

They let their guard down where they think it doesn't matter, or have not learned yet what kind of insight it reveals about them. 

So of course a manipulative person minimizes the importance of something reflecting negatively on them. But if it is so damned unimportant, then why go to the trouble of starting an internet forum discussion on it? Talk about actions contradicting words!

What delicious hypocrisy! We're reading way too much into something that was so unimportant to you that you both started and continued participating in vociferously for sixteen pages.


----------



## NextTimeAround

Well, sadly, my experience in dating has been when I have chosen or agreed to the more reasonable option, I was later called, in some way, a cheap date. 

I don't get it.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Wiserforit said:


> You have a lot of stock manipulative plays, none of which are impressive.
> 
> Like claiming that you feel sorry for people or that they are bitter. Ad hominems are what children do. Name-calling, no better than saying "You're a poopy butt"
> 
> When you have requested opinions and then hurl numerous ad hominems at people who disagree with you, this is a key insight into a person's character. It is a form of ambush - invite opinions then attack people as if they were doing something wrong by answering the question you asked of them.
> 
> We also learn from personality analysis how vitally important observing seemingly trivial behavior is. That's because even the most pernicious sociopath is busy camoflaging nearly everything they do with noble intentions.
> 
> They let their guard down where they think it doesn't matter, or have not learned yet what kind of insight it reveals about them.
> 
> So of course a manipulative person minimizes the importance of something reflecting negatively on them. But if it is so damned unimportant, then why go to the trouble of starting an internet forum discussion on it? Talk about actions contradicting words!
> 
> What delicious hypocrisy! We're reading way too much into something that was so unimportant to you that you both started and continued participating in vociferously for sixteen pages.


:rofl::rofl::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Entropy3000

First Date: To Coupon or not to Coupon? —eHarmony Blog

eHarmony says no to coupons. LOL. So this is where this "stuff" comes from. I would want a woman who was more of a free and independent thinker.


----------



## Acorn

Kimberley17 said:


> Sorry, but that is a totally different scenario. Had we discussed it beforehand I would have said the same thing. It just caught me off guard. Especially that he asked if I minded if he used it shows that he knew it wasn't a typical first date thing to do. It really doesn't matter. I just wanted people's thought on the subject. I like him to see him again (tomorrow) and I'll take it from there.


I hope the next date goes well. I am just surprised how negatively everyone is looking at this.

At the very minimum, he took a risk and exposed a bit of himself knowing it could possibly be interpreted as tacky. He showed some honesty and vulnerability and he let you see a part of himself. How you judge it (or if you choose not to judge him) is totally up to you.


----------



## Wiserforit

Entropy3000 said:


> eHarmony says no to coupons. LOL. So this is where this "stuff" comes from. I would want a woman who was more of a free and independent thinker.


And in the closing sentence she said she knew that thrifty people were going to ignore her and use their coupons anyway, resulting in finding a better personality match. So she said that was fine. In conclusion, she contradicted herself and said that people should do whatever their personality dictates. 

She also resorted to the same tactic we saw here with people exaggerating and making ludicrous comparisons. In her case saying "what's next" telling the date to take a bus home? Well no, there is no "next" thing. We are discussing a coupon not telling your date to take a bus home, or farting in her face. 

It comes down to being forthright about what kind of person you are. Here is a guy with the intelligence and drive to finish law school who also demonstrates thrift. That is a combination that spells an enormous retirement fund. 

She isn't going to be the woman benefiting from that because she is the woman who prefers to burn his money sheerly for the sake of her vanity. He's going to figure that out eventually despite lying to him about how she felt on coupons and trashing him to other anonymous people.


----------



## Kimberley17

Wiserforit said:


> You have a lot of stock manipulative plays, none of which are impressive.
> 
> Like claiming that you feel sorry for people or that they are bitter. Ad hominems are what children do. Name-calling, no better than saying "You're a poopy butt"
> 
> When you have requested opinions and then hurl numerous ad hominems at people who disagree with you, this is a key insight into a person's character. It is a form of ambush - invite opinions then attack people as if they were doing something wrong by answering the question you asked of them.
> 
> We also learn from personality analysis how vitally important observing seemingly trivial behavior is. That's because even the most pernicious sociopath is busy camoflaging nearly everything they do with noble intentions.
> 
> They let their guard down where they think it doesn't matter, or have not learned yet what kind of insight it reveals about them.
> 
> So of course a manipulative person minimizes the importance of something reflecting negatively on them. But if it is so damned unimportant, then why go to the trouble of starting an internet forum discussion on it? Talk about actions contradicting words!
> 
> What delicious hypocrisy! We're reading way too much into something that was so unimportant to you that you both started and continued participating in vociferously for sixteen pages.


Um, it was a bit more than people disagreeing with me. They were downright berating me for how I feel about the subject. Still don't know what my past infidelity has to do with anything but whatever.


----------



## Kimberley17

Wiserforit said:


> And in the closing sentence she said she knew that thrifty people were going to ignore her and use their coupons anyway, resulting in finding a better personality match. So she said that was fine. In conclusion, she contradicted herself and said that people should do whatever their personality dictates.
> 
> She also resorted to the same tactic we saw here with people exaggerating and making ludicrous comparisons. In her case saying "what's next" telling the date to take a bus home? Well no, there is no "next" thing. We are discussing a coupon not telling your date to take a bus home, or farting in her face.
> 
> It comes down to being forthright about what kind of person you are. Here is a guy with the intelligence and drive to finish law school who also demonstrates thrift. That is a combination that spells an enormous retirement fund.
> 
> She isn't going to be the woman benefiting from that because she is the woman who prefers to burn his money sheerly for the sake of her vanity. He's going to figure that out eventually despite lying to him about how she felt on coupons and trashing him to other anonymous people.



"She isn't going to be the woman benefiting from that because she is the woman who prefers to burn his money sheerly for the sake of her vanity." - OMG, really?


----------



## PBear

Wiserforit said:


> And in the closing sentence she said she knew that thrifty people were going to ignore her and use their coupons anyway, resulting in finding a better personality match. So she said that was fine. In conclusion, she contradicted herself and said that people should do whatever their personality dictates.
> 
> She also resorted to the same tactic we saw here with people exaggerating and making ludicrous comparisons. In her case saying "what's next" telling the date to take a bus home? Well no, there is no "next" thing. We are discussing a coupon not telling your date to take a bus home, or farting in her face.
> 
> It comes down to being forthright about what kind of person you are. Here is a guy with the intelligence and drive to finish law school who also demonstrates thrift. That is a combination that spells an enormous retirement fund.
> 
> She isn't going to be the woman benefiting from that because she is the woman who prefers to burn his money sheerly for the sake of her vanity. He's going to figure that out eventually despite lying to him about how she felt on coupons and trashing him to other anonymous people.


How did you go from her saying something was slightly tacky to her burning through her retirement funds for vanity?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr

There's a lot of hatred and "likes" attached to it in this thread that has nothing to do with coupons on a first date.


----------



## Maricha75

Kimberley17 said:


> What does cheating on my former spouse have to do with thinking using a coupon on a first date is tacky? I don't see the correlation so please enlighten me.




tack·y 2 (tk)
adj. tack·i·er, tack·i·est Informal
1. Neglected and in a state of disrepair: a tacky old cabin in the woods.
2.
a. Lacking style or good taste; tawdry: tacky clothes.
*b. Distasteful or offensive; tasteless*

What does cheating have to do with calling coupon use tacky? Hmmm... I think it's *tackier* to cheat, then call someone tacky for using a coupon. That's the correlation. Well, actually, cheating is more than tacky, but I think you might get the point.... maybe.


ETA: That's the only correlation I can come up with for ANYONE bringing it up in the first place (and I only mentioned it in response to another response).


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Thundarr said:


> There's a lot of hatred and "likes" attached to it in this thread that has nothing to do with coupons on a first date.


After reading the thread and seeing OP's attitude I have to say the disdain shown here is likely because she represents a lot of what's wrong w people today. Blatant snobbery. It's all over the place and shows a bit too much in these replies from her. 

She should just delete the thread since it's not big deal to her and she has decided to give this ghastly tacky man another try to impress her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OnTheRocks

As stated several times, the correlation is entitlement. IMO


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## Fozzy

It might also depend on who asked whom on the date. If I asked a lady out, I'd expect to be the one paying, and I wouldn't think about using a coupon on a first date (first impressions and all).

That being said, if she asked me out with the expectation that she was paying (a man can dream), I wouldn't think twice about offering HER the coupon.


----------



## Wiserforit

PBear said:


> How did you go from her saying something was slightly tacky to her burning through her retirement funds for vanity?


Friends of manipulative study will see you resorted to changing her wording to "win" an argument dishonestly.

She did not say *slightly* tacky. That's you being manipulative, and if it weren't important to you sticking that minimizing word in there, you wouldn't have done it. 

The second issue - if you can't understand that saving money requires saving money, then it cannot be explained to you. It is HIS money, not HER money we are discussing saving so you either mis-worded your put-down or didn't read the post correctly.


----------



## Starstarfish

I'm really amused how $10 can make all the difference in how someone is perceived. That spending or not spending a mere $10 says that much about someone else. Maybe he wants to save that $10 and donate it to Feed the Children, or tithe it church, or who knows what. 

The only really tacky coupon story I've heard on this thread was using a BOGO to weasel out of paying even your portion of the reduced check. Now -that- is tacky. Even if a friend of mine pulled that, I'd tell them it's a dillweed move. 

But honestly - if a coupon fundamentally changes your perception of someone that strongly, I'd honestly question what you may be looking for in the relationship - honesty or appearances?


----------



## PBear

ScarletBegonias said:


> After reading the thread and seeing OP's attitude I have to say the disdain shown here is likely because she represents a lot of what's wrong w people today. Blatant snobbery. It's all over the place and shows a bit too much in these replies from her.
> 
> She should just delete the thread since it's not big deal to her and she has decided to give this ghastly tacky man another try to impress her
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Again, someone jumping from "slightly tacky" to "blatant snobbery"... Hyperbole much?

Not sure why this has to be such a polarizing emotional issue... If you want to use a coupon, use a coupon. I still think it's tacky and not something I personally would do on a first date, but that's just me. If you do it and your date loves the idea, great for both of you. If not, then there's nothing wrong with either of you, but depending on how strongly you both feel about it, you may not be a match. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear

Wiserforit said:


> Friends of manipulative study will see you resorted to changing her wording to "win" an argument dishonestly.
> 
> She did not say *slightly* tacky. That's you being manipulative, and if it weren't important to you sticking that minimizing word in there, you wouldn't have done it.
> 
> The second issue - if you can't understand that saving money requires saving money, then it cannot be explained to you. It is HIS money, not HER money we are discussing saving so you either mis-worded your put-down or didn't read the post correctly.


You're right, she did say tacky originally. I'll stand by the rest of my post though. And I'll admit to misquoting her in my latest post too.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi

Wiserforit said:


> Friends of manipulative study will see you resorted to changing her wording to "win" an argument dishonestly.
> 
> She did not say *slightly* tacky. That's you being manipulative, and if it weren't important to you sticking that minimizing word in there, you wouldn't have done it.


Oooh, smooth catch right there!

He did twist the wording of the original post to support his own argument.

That much being said I think it's extremely tacky to whip out a coupon on a first date, especially for a mere $10.

It basically screams how important $10 is to the guy and that says he's either cheap, or doesn't have all that much money.

He is NOT saving that $10 to donate to abused animal charities or starving ethopians, that's for damn sure.


----------



## captainstormy

Granted I didn't read all 17 pages of this before posting, but IMO it's possibly a test by him.

When I was still dating and trying to find the right woman I had all kinds of little tests that I would do that would help me know if this was the kind of girl I could get along with long term.

I never did a coupon on a first date but that could be a good one. One of my favorite ones was to pretend my door clicker didn't work. So I had to open the passenger door with a key and let her in. You'd be surprised how many women wouldn't even reach down and push a button for to be able to get into the drivers side door.

Or doing something like asking her to pick the place for dinner to see if she's the kind of girl who's just going to fleece you for a $40 piece of chicken and doesn't really care who's buying it for her.

Nothing that would really ruin the flow of a date, but possibly give you some insight into her mind so to speak.


----------



## lenzi

captainstormy said:


> When I was still dating and trying to find the right woman I had all kinds of little tests that I would do that would help me know if this was the kind of girl I could get along with long term.
> 
> I never did a coupon on a first date but that could be a good one. One of my favorite ones was to pretend my door clicker didn't work. So I had to open the passenger door with a key and let her in. You'd be surprised how many women wouldn't even reach down and push a button for to be able to get into the drivers side door.


So if she didn't hit the door button there'd be no second date?

Wow.

I can only imagine how many good potentials were discarded because they might have reasonably thought that if the clicker didn't work the electric locks might not work either.


----------



## bilbo99

There are certain things you just splurge for. If the date goes well and I like her, I buy and I don't use a coupon. It sends a message. When you really get to know each other coupons are fine. On the first date it is just lame.


----------



## Blondilocks

Who would have thought that such an innocent little thing as a coupon could generate enough hyperbole to make a politician proud.


----------



## treyvion

bilbo99 said:


> There are certain things you just splurge for. If the date goes well and I like her, I buy and I don't use a coupon. It sends a message. When you really get to know each other coupons are fine. On the first date it is just lame.


Well it does send a message of "I don't have to show out".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thundarr

Blondilocks said:


> Who would have thought that such an innocent little thing as a coupon could generate enough hyperbole to make a politician proud.


I know. It's like a religious or political debate. I now know to watch out for religious, political, coupon, OSF, and history matters threads. The coupon topic is a surprising addition.


----------



## Coffee Amore

Thundarr said:


> I know. It's like a religious or political debate. I now know to watch out for religious, political, coupon, OSF, and history matters threads. The coupon topic is a surprising addition.


:rofl:


----------



## SimplyAmorous

alte Dame said:


> When my H and I were dating (35 years ago - groan), we just naturally split everything. He was a poor assistant professor & I was a poor grad student. Why should I expect him to foot the bill for me? And that was a long time ago.
> 
> I don't think it's at all tacky that this man used a coupon. I would have found it endearing and interesting. *Fair and open mind vs. blind judgement is what is animating this long thread, in my opinion.
> 
> I am in the camp that believes it is not generous to judge someone negatively, even in a small way, for something like this*.


Just wanted to say....excellent insight to why this thread continues alte Dame :smthumbup:. 

Chances are those who find it *tacky* are more on the "well to do" side... Not all of us live like that... Thankfully we've never had to live "Paycheck to paycheck" because we have used coupons , rebating....and watched carefully how our $$ was spent...$10 here and $10 there ...this adds up! 

So for us...coupons of any sort is something to praise... 

Of course this man was a Lawyer, he hardly needed that coupon.. don't know his motives ...
(a test for the women he dates...he is donating elsewhere, just very frugal or Mr Miser)....interesting though, figures a thread like this would stir so much interest.


----------



## Holland

We are big coupon users, well I am as I have the time to find and buy them. We have lots of weekends away, dining experiences etc with coupons.

But I have to be honest and say that I would find it tacky on a first date.


----------



## pink_lady

SimplyAmorous said:


> Just wanted to say....excellent insight to why this thread continues alte Dame :smthumbup:.
> 
> Chances are those who find it *tacky* are more on the "well to do" side... Not all of us live like that... Thankfully we've never had to live "Paycheck to paycheck" because we have used coupons , rebating....and watched carefully how our $$ was spent...$10 here and $10 there ...this adds up!
> 
> So for us...coupons of any sort is something to praise...
> 
> Of course this man was a Lawyer, he hardly needed that coupon.. don't know his motives ...
> (a test for the women he dates...he is donating elsewhere, just very frugal or Mr Miser)....interesting though, figures a thread like this would stir so much interest.


Also are we remembering that the OP said she tried to pay for her half of the bill and the attorney date refused? I sort of doubt the guy is 'really frugal' or 'in a bad financial situation'. But if he was, why not just go dutch, as OP originally suggested to him? It's weird to magnanimously say 'oh no no, I'll pay' and then whip out a coupon. Unless he was never going to be at that establishment again, it's not like he had to use it on that particular evening.

It's not about the actual $, it's just odd, and comes off as either socially unaware or slightly dismissive to the OP. On a first date, you are judging and weighing everything the other person does. There's no escaping that. Most of us have kept dating people we shouldn't have, and are trying to find the red flags earlier.


----------



## pink_lady

Wiserforit said:


> And in the closing sentence she said she knew that thrifty people were going to ignore her and use their coupons anyway, resulting in finding a better personality match. So she said that was fine. In conclusion, she contradicted herself and said that people should do whatever their personality dictates.
> 
> She also resorted to the same tactic we saw here with people exaggerating and making ludicrous comparisons. In her case saying "what's next" telling the date to take a bus home? Well no, there is no "next" thing. We are discussing a coupon not telling your date to take a bus home, or farting in her face.
> 
> It comes down to being forthright about what kind of person you are. Here is a guy with the intelligence and drive to finish law school who also demonstrates thrift. That is a combination that spells an enormous retirement fund.
> 
> She isn't going to be the woman benefiting from that because she is the woman who prefers to burn his money sheerly for the sake of her vanity. He's going to figure that out eventually despite lying to him about how she felt on coupons and trashing him to other anonymous people.


Think you're projecting a tad. If the OP was a heinous gold digger just dating the guy to "burn through his money" she wouldn't have offered to go dutch at the get-go.

Also, I think we're losing site of the real point of the thread. It's not about using a coupon. It's about using a coupon on a FIRST DATE. Those are two different things.


----------



## that_girl

I live paycheck to paycheck and find it tacky 

Which is why I'm in the camp of everyone just paying their own way the first couple dates.

Wait...he's an attorney? lol. Wow.

I dunno. First date? No. And it's really just a matter of what you like or don't like, if he doesn't date her again, oh well. First date--- not 20 year marriage.


----------



## Thundarr

SimplyAmorous said:


> Just wanted to say....excellent insight to why this thread continues alte Dame :smthumbup:.
> 
> Chances are those who find it *tacky* are more on the "well to do" side... Not all of us live like that... Thankfully we've never had to live "Paycheck to paycheck" because we have used coupons , rebating....and watched carefully how our $$ was spent...$10 here and $10 there ...this adds up!
> 
> So for us...coupons of any sort is something to praise...
> 
> Of course this man was a Lawyer, he hardly needed that coupon.. don't know his motives ...
> (a test for the women he dates...he is donating elsewhere, just very frugal or Mr Miser)....interesting though, figures a thread like this would stir so much interest.


I don't think that's driven the thread at all. By the way I haven't intended to offend couponers. I'm one too. But imagine the friendly back and forth had this thread been started in social by any well liked TAMER.


----------



## Thundarr

Holland said:


> We are big coupon users, well I am as I have the time to find and buy them. We have lots of weekends away, dining experiences etc with coupons.
> 
> But I have to be honest and say that I would find it tacky on a first date.


That's my thought as well. For me a first date is where you attempt to make someone think you're into them (unless you're not). Using a coupon feels like I'd be saying something less than that.


----------



## that_girl

Thundarr said:


> That's my thought as well. For me a first date is where you attempt to make someone think you're into them (unless you're not). Using a coupon feels like I'd be saying something less than that.


Yea. For the people who think "oh he's just showing who he is"...that's great and all, but if that was the case for people to really do that when on a date for the FIRST TIME with someone, then no one should dress nicely, put on makeup...or even shower if you don't normally shower every day. Hell, why even bother using table manners 'cause I just eat on the couch most days. 

lol. If this is the type of person you want to attract, that's awesome. It's not someone I would continue to date....and that's my choice.


----------



## Maricha75

pink_lady said:


> Also, I think we're losing site of the real point of the thread. It's not about using a coupon. It's about using a coupon on a FIRST DATE. Those are two different things.


And some of us have stated we see nothing wrong with using a coupon on a FIRST DATE. We don't see it as tacky. Obviously, there are some who do. Hell, I'd even give him a coupon if I had one. Not because he can't afford it, but because if it's not used, it is just a waste of paper. As far as not having to use it that afternoon (it was lunch, not dinner)... Don't know. If it expired that day, then yes, it would be a use it or lose it. Still, I just don't see it as tacky, whether first date or tenth. JMO...and Kim DID ask for opinions. She got opinions from both sides.


----------



## that_girl

Maricha, I wouldn't mind if you used a coupon on our first date. Not that we'd have a first date :rofl: but if we did. ...I wouldn't judge.


----------



## that_girl

Using a coupon on the first date – dealbreaker or good financial savvy? | Dimespring

lol. I find this conversation interesting. I wish I had a coupon right now for some ice cream.


----------



## Maricha75

that_girl said:


> Maricha, I wouldn't mind if you used a coupon on our first date. Not that we'd have a first date :rofl: but if we did. ...I wouldn't judge.


LOL Well, I'd have to date girls for that to happen and, well.... sorry hon, I'm just not into girls. 

But, to address your statement before mine, regarding getting dressed up, etc... See, I don't wear makeup, so I wouldn't be putting any on just for a date... if we're going to Olive Garden or something more pricey, I would wear clothing that "fits", but I'm not going all out for it. It's just not who I am. No makeup, no jewelry (except my wedding set), etc. 

But then, I wouldn't be comfortable in any high end restaurants anyway. "High end" for me WOULD be Olive Garden... and I only go there with coupons.


----------



## ladybird

A man that uses a coupon!! WOW! You don't see that very often.. Me being a coupon queen myself, he's a keeper =) At least he is being responsible with his money! 
I have to beat my husband to use a coupon that i give him. HAHA


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## treyvion

Somebody has a coupon strategy for high end restaurants?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame

treyvion said:


> Somebody has a coupon strategy for high end restaurants?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OK, so sign on to rewards programs with credit cards like Amex or Visa. Then use your reward points for certificates or gift cards for the high-end places. With mine, I can cash in points for Amex cards that are loaded with a particular sum. A date would never know that you used a coupon (not that there's anything wrong with that, of course...).


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## golfergirl

Can't wait to hear how next date goes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

alte Dame said:


> OK, so sign on to rewards programs with credit cards like Amex or Visa. Then use your reward points for certificates or gift cards for the high-end places. With mine, I can cash in points for Amex cards that are loaded with a particular sum. A date would never know that you used a coupon (not that there's anything wrong with that, of course...).



Good tip.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kimberley17

golfergirl said:


> Can't wait to hear how next date goes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OK, something weird is going on. For our date tomorrow he originally suggested lunch and I accepted. Spoke with him today and he suggested picking up food and having a picnic. Great. I loved that idea. He then sent me a text asking if I just wanted to forego the food and just talk?? I am really not sure what to think. The coupon use on the first date made me feel kind of less special. Can't really explain it and now this?!?! I like the conversations he and I have but I think this is turning weird. Thoughts??


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## that_girl

He's broke.

Or not really into you.

Or both. Just wanting company.

Either way, what does it matter? You barely know him. That's the beauty of dating....nicely saying no thanks.


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## treyvion

If your good for all this your good long term material, maybe thats what hes after.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

bilbo99 said:


> There are certain things you just splurge for. If the date goes well and I like her, I buy and I don't use a coupon. It sends a message. When you really get to know each other coupons are fine. On the first date it is just lame.


I think some guys have to worry about this and others do not. If you have to worry about this maybe your confidence is not what is should be. I mean seriously ... why would a guy even worry about something this petty?


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## Entropy3000

Thundarr said:


> That's my thought as well. For me a first date is where you attempt to make someone think you're into them (unless you're not). Using a coupon feels like I'd be saying something less than that.


If you are into them they will know it. They should not even care about something this small. They should already feel you are into them by the time the check arrives. They should be anticipating spending more time with you by them. IF they are not really inot you they will nitpick and they are not worth the effort anyway. Most women know well in advance if they will or they won't.


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## Entropy3000

He sounds flaky to me.

But is it not your turn to treat him? Where are you taking him to lunch?


----------



## life101

Kimberley17 said:


> OK, something weird is going on. For our date tomorrow he originally suggested lunch and I accepted. Spoke with him today and he suggested picking up food and having a picnic. Great. I loved that idea. He then sent me a text asking if I just wanted to forego the food and just talk?? I am really not sure what to think. The coupon use on the first date made me feel kind of less special. Can't really explain it and now this?!?! I like the conversations he and I have but I think this is turning weird. Thoughts??


He is out of coupons.


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## golfergirl

Tell him your turn to treat - you have 2 can dine for $7.99 mcDonalds coupons you are dying to try out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr

Thundarr said:


> That's my thought as well. For me a first date is where you attempt to make someone think you're into them (unless you're not). Using a coupon feels like I'd be saying something less than that.





Entropy3000 said:


> If you are into them they will know it. They should not even care about something this small. They should already feel you are into them by the time the check arrives. They should be anticipating spending more time with you by them. IF they are not really inot you they will nitpick and they are not worth the effort anyway. Most women know well in advance if they will or they won't.


Right but me paying for that first date with a coupon likely means I'm not into her.


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## Starstarfish

I guess I have a unique view on this, my husband and I long-distance dated before indeed our "first date" so, I already knew he was into me given that he drove 12 hours cross country to come see me. 

Would I see it differently if this was a "cold show?" The couponer in me wants to say no, but - I've had a rather limited number of "first dates" so - who knows if when it really came to it, I'd think differently about it. 

I still think there are way tackier things than using a coupon though. Asking you if you want to have something to eat, then switching to a picnic, then switching to "hey let's not buy food" I'd say says more about this guy than the coupon thing. If nothing else that he seems kind of indecisive.


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## Acorn

I can't help but think this thread is entirely about a guy who is not very good at the dating game. The guy is giving OP a weird gut feeling, even though her behavior is a bit confusing herself as she continues to tell the guy that his weird dating ideas don't bother her, right before coming here to admit those very things really do bother her or at least give her a bad impression.

OP - offer to pay for a date that would make him feel special and lead by example, enjoy the date he thought up for you, communicate your wants/needs of what an acceptable date looks like, or politely decline further dates. It doesn't matter what any of us think - those are your choices.

His coupon use and odd dating choices are not a reflection of you but of him, and you are likely going to get more of the same if you continue. (Unless you can be honest with him and tell him these things bug you.)


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## Ceegee

I can't believe there's already 20 pages to this thread in only 4 days. 

All about using a coupon. 

We are an analytical bunch aren't we?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Is he picking up food from the grocery store vs a restaurant? 

If so, it could be that he is health conscious. I'd much prefer fresh fruit and vegetables along with homemade food vs restaurant food. If he's preparing the entire meal, great! This sounds like a fabulous date! Picnics, especially overlooking a body of water is really awesome. Well, for me it is.

My hubby and I went on several picnics. I do not like restaurant foods since they are high in calories and you don't know how clean your food is they are serving you. Perhaps they dropping your food on the floor then picked it right up to put back on your plate. They could of scratched somewhere, continued to prepare your meal and so on. I hate eating out, it's gross. I prefer eating the foods we prepare. 

My husband used a coupon our first date. We went to the zoo. It was $8 off and he never asked if I cared. I didn't care or think twice about it. We went rock climbing the same day before dinner. It was an awesome date. Our dates included many physical activities. We hiked a lot too, some were 4 mile treks. These were things we both enjoyed. We still use coupons, especially traveling. Our last trip to Hawaii cost us both no more then $700, including airfare. We had a beautiful Oceanside room with a full kitchen, a car, and were busy everyday sight seeing. We've been to Disney twice with the kids and it wasn't much more then our Hawaii trip. My husband travels to Alaska nearly every year bringing me back 40lbs of fresh wild salmon.

Our saved money goes into the bank for our retirement. We want to be comfortable once my husband decides it's time to retire. My husband paid for nearly all our dates. He used coupons every time they were available. Our best dates were hiking, then eating picnic style lake view. Or we'd cook meals together in his home. While dinner was cooking, we'd play card games.

I was really into my husband and he felt the same about me. He wasn't the first man I dated after my divorce. I wasn't aware of his income, nor did I care. I knew he was the man I was going to marry for the second time after the 3rd or 4th date. It's been 14 years and our life together is wonderful.

Good luck finding mr right. . I would personally pay attention to his character and how he treats you and his family.


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## PieceOfSky

Kimberley17 said:


> OK, something weird is going on. For our date tomorrow he originally suggested lunch and I accepted. Spoke with him today and he suggested picking up food and having a picnic. Great. I loved that idea. He then sent me a text asking if I just wanted to forego the food and just talk?? I am really not sure what to think. The coupon use on the first date made me feel kind of less special. Can't really explain it and now this?!?! I like the conversations he and I have but I think this is turning weird. Thoughts??


Ask him why. No need to wonder.


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## MarriedTex

Thundarr said:


> Right but me paying for that first date with a coupon likely means I'm not into her.


I agree with Thundarr. The guy here is probably as lukewarm on her as she is on him. Good for a couple dates, a couple rolls in the hay and then move on. 

Like OP, maybe guy sees no long-term future and is simply trying to get to Date 3 as cheaply as possible.


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## weightlifter

Tacky date 1. Now once some exclusivity is agreed its smart. He should not have to prove his willingness to spend money only quality time.

Are you feeling any warm fuzzies or nervous about dating? Seems like you are trying to like someone you might merely tolerate.


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## treyvion

I don't think all dating should be about putting on a style show. You may not want to do that all the time. You can date for whatever reason you want, and the coupon dater is going to draw some observations and communication.

Perhaps this guy was looking for someone who respected saving money, and wasn't looking to put on a big show with perfectly presented dollar bills like a casino player. He wanted someone who enjoyed the good time, and also was comfortable being more frugal. He may have wanted to weed out the free riders and overly judgmental ones.

If that was the purpose I would say the date was a success.


----------



## captainstormy

lenzi said:


> So if she didn't hit the door button there'd be no second date?
> 
> Wow.
> 
> I can only imagine how many good potentials were discarded because they might have reasonably thought that if the clicker didn't work the electric locks might not work either.


I'm no means saying that you dump the girl to the curb and never look back if she doesn't do one thing right.

I think it's normal for men and women to have small little tests like that while dating. It might not be something you do concisely but you probably do it.

I've had more than one girl I dated mention to me in passing that many of the guys that took them out didn't open doors for them on dates and they never called them back. Obviously those were tests for those girls.


----------



## Blondilocks

Kimberley17 said:


> OK, something weird is going on. For our date tomorrow he originally suggested lunch and I accepted. Spoke with him today and he suggested picking up food and having a picnic. Great. I loved that idea. He then sent me a text asking if I just wanted to forego the food and just talk?? I am really not sure what to think. The coupon use on the first date made me feel kind of less special. Can't really explain it and now this?!?! I like the conversations he and I have but I think this is turning weird. Thoughts??


He didn't wow you on the first date, you don't see a future with him and now he wants to un-invite you to lunch and get right to bending your ear. Don't you have something better to do, like wash your hair?


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## treyvion

Blondilocks said:


> He didn't wow you on the first date, you don't see a future with him and now he wants to un-invite you to lunch and get right to bending your ear. Don't you have something better to do, like wash your hair?


And the guy may have perfect financial situations, cars paid off, house, perfect credit, good relationships. 

It may have been the most perfect long term relationship partner, blown off because he didn't feel a need to display "pizzaz".


----------



## Blondilocks

The guy may have all those things. The fact that his behavior elicits thoughts such as tacky and weird indicates he is most likely not the perfect long term relationship partner for the OP. 

"Pizzaz" is subjective. Some women find pocket protectors attractive.


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## Deejo

Yeah ... But the kissing was good.

It all balances out. Dating isnt about friggin coupons - it's about tongue wrestling and then of course the sex.

Lets leave the coupon out of the equation for now and just focus on the sex. How about we speculate about that instead? Seem more reasonable?


----------



## ScarletBegonias

If he knows how to use his fingers and tongue during sex,he can use all the damn coupons he wants at restaurants.


----------



## Deejo

*Re: Re: Coupon on first date?*



ScarletBegonias said:


> If he knows how to use his fingers and tongue during sex,he can use all the damn coupons he wants at restaurants.


See? Now we're getting somewhere.


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## Mavash.

ScarletBegonias said:


> If he knows how to use his fingers and tongue during sex,he can use all the damn coupons he wants at restaurants.


A cheap ass isn't exactly a turn on.

Dated one like this attorney and I dumped him after a few dates.


----------



## PBear

Deejo said:


> Yeah ... But the kissing was good.
> 
> It all balances out. Dating isnt about friggin coupons - it's about tongue wrestling and then of course the sex.
> 
> Lets leave the coupon out of the equation for now and just focus on the sex. How about we speculate about that instead? Seem more reasonable?


Changing the subject to sex will likely cool this thread down... 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Unique Username

Originally Posted by Kimberley17 
OK, something weird is going on. For our date tomorrow he originally suggested lunch and I accepted. Spoke with him today and he suggested picking up food and having a picnic. Great. I loved that idea. He then sent me a text asking if I just wanted to forego the food and just talk?? I am really not sure what to think. The coupon use on the first date made me feel kind of less special. Can't really explain it and now this?!?! I like the conversations he and I have but I think this is turning weird. Thoughts??"



Because you are only a booty call


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## ScarletBegonias

Mavash. said:


> A cheap ass isn't exactly a turn on.
> 
> Dated one like this attorney and I dumped him after a few dates.


A man who makes money should also spend it freely in order to be attractive to women?

I guess all our differences in opinion makes the world go round. 
Relationship skills and bedroom skills are too important to me . I don't think I could toss a man away for being a cheap ass if he is a good man and gives me the things I need that aren't money related.
I have my own income for spending. 

Besides,who knows what background these men had. If they grew up with frugal parents and were taught to save every tiny bit wherever you can save who am I to look down on him? At least he's not out keeping up w the Joneses and living beyond his means creating problems the rest of us have to deal with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## VFW

Kimberley17 said:


> OK, something weird is going on. For our date tomorrow he originally suggested lunch and I accepted. Spoke with him today and he suggested picking up food and having a picnic. Great. I loved that idea. He then sent me a text asking if I just wanted to forego the food and just talk?? I am really not sure what to think. The coupon use on the first date made me feel kind of less special. Can't really explain it and now this?!?! I like the conversations he and I have but I think this is turning weird. Thoughts??


Sounds weird to me, I think I would bail and look elsewhere.


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## Thundarr

ScarletBegonias said:


> A man who makes money should also spend it freely in order to be attractive to women?
> 
> I guess all our differences in opinion makes the world go round.
> Relationship skills and bedroom skills are too important to me . I don't think I could toss a man away for being a cheap ass if he is a good man and gives me the things I need that aren't money related.
> I have my own income for spending.
> 
> Besides,who knows what background these men had. If they grew up with frugal parents and were taught to save every tiny bit wherever you can save who am I to look down on him? At least he's not out keeping up w the Joneses and living beyond his means creating problems the rest of us have to deal with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ScarletBegonias said:


> A man who makes money should also spend it freely in order to be attractive to women


A man who is giving in the bedroom is usually giving EVERYWHERE.

A man who is stingy and cheap is more concerned about how many dollars he has than pleasing a woman sexually.

Experience: I've dated and worked with many cheap men.

There is frugal and there is cheap. I'd date a frugal man but not a cheap one.


----------



## Maricha75

Mavash. said:


> A man who is giving in the bedroom is usually giving EVERYWHERE.
> 
> A man who is stingy and cheap is more concerned about how many dollars he has than pleasing a woman sexually.
> 
> Experience: I've dated and worked with many cheap men.
> 
> There is frugal and there is cheap. I'd date a frugal man but not a cheap one.


And it has yet to be absolutely established that the guy is cheap, rather than frugal. Using a coupon, EVEN ON A F'N FIRST DATE, doesn't automatically throw someone into the category of "cheap".


----------



## treyvion

Mavash. said:


> A man who is giving in the bedroom is usually giving EVERYWHERE.
> 
> A man who is stingy and cheap is more concerned about how many dollars he has than pleasing a woman sexually.
> 
> Experience: I've dated and worked with many cheap men.
> 
> There is frugal and there is cheap. I'd date a frugal man but not a cheap one.


Who said it was a "cheap" date. Perhaps it was an excellent meal, but he paid for it with coupons.


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## Entropy3000

life101 said:


> He is out of coupons.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Best answer yet.


----------



## Entropy3000

Thundarr said:


> Right but me paying for that first date with a coupon likely means I'm not into her.


That might be true for you. But it would not be for me. She would not even realize it if I did. I would not give it a second though and she would not either.

But did the guy tip on the original amount? if not then he is a cheap @$$hole.


----------



## Entropy3000

Mavash. said:


> A cheap ass isn't exactly a turn on.
> 
> Dated one like this attorney and I dumped him after a few dates.


I guess it comes down to why you are dating and what you are looking for.

Realize that there are some men who want a woman who might be more interested in him than his pay check.

I thought things have evolved past this? Maybe not.

Why would a guy want to date a woman who was a cheap ass? Pun intended? Not at all. So it is about a guys money? I see. LOL. I guess his sex rank went down.


----------



## treyvion

Entropy3000 said:


> I guess it comes down to why you are dating and what you are looking for.
> 
> Realize that there are some men who want a woman weho might be more interested in him than his pay check.


No way... This day and age that wouldn't be allowed.


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## Entropy3000

So all else equal ... A guy who is very generous and maybe even lavish with a woman on a first date may end up having sex sooner than a guy who is less lavish but perhaps a better guy period. wait, maybe by definition a better guy has more money ... hmmm. 

I do know guys who go this way. They lay on the show very heavy right out the gate even if they have to borrow the money to impress the woman with his money and status. Borrow a friends impressive car. Borrow some Panther Bits for cologne. This is to get into her pants the fatsest way possible. Let her think she is a princess.

Then there are guys who perhaps are more interested in the longer term and actually hope for a relationship.

It seems that there is an expectation that dating a man of a certain status like a lawyer will demand that he play the part. I can see how it might be dissapointing from a Cinderella perspective to have Prince Charming use a coupon.

Wow. Were are the feminists now? Crickets.... LOL.

If the focus on the guy is around this aspect it means he is lacking elsewhere. And I do not mean his TAM memeber but ... maybe I should. 

Look if a man pays for your dinner and shows you a good time and you seem to have a connection, ask yourself what are you lacking that you would care if he uses a coupon? Just saying that a guy like this is lacking in bed is way past absurd. Really? A guy who throws away his money lavishly is a better lay? NFW. That is an insult. The guy sounds insecure. Perhaps he is very vain. A typical insult where someone cannot think of a reasonable way to belittle a man so lets attack his bedroom capabilities. Not based on anything real. He used a coupon. Oh my. What a lousy lover he must be. UFB.

I am glad we are all equal now days. LOL. Glad women do not need a man's money.

Hey I doubt I would use a coupon. But not for this reason. I am far from cheap. I guess when I was younger I was such a good lay women bought me dinner. LOL.

Am I overly entertained by this shallowness. Oh hell yes I am. I am thinking that it is now a good tactic for guys to use a coupon on the first date to weed out the tacky ones.


----------



## Deejo

Kimberley17 said:


> OK, something weird is going on. For our date tomorrow he originally suggested lunch and I accepted. Spoke with him today and he suggested picking up food and having a picnic. Great. I loved that idea. He then sent me a text asking if I just wanted to forego the food and just talk?? I am really not sure what to think. The coupon use on the first date made me feel kind of less special. Can't really explain it and now this?!?! I like the conversations he and I have but I think this is turning weird. Thoughts??


Dude's a douche. Move on, coupons and kisses be damned.

Or text him back and tell him you expect a goddamn picnic, with wine, 3 kinds of cheese and a baguette. You will bring glasses. Make it clear if he can't make that happen that he needs to let you know ASAP. Then dump him.

I cringe when I hear wishy-washy crap like this.


----------



## Phenix70

Kimberley17 said:


> OK, something weird is going on. For our date tomorrow he originally suggested lunch and I accepted. Spoke with him today and he suggested picking up food and having a picnic. Great. I loved that idea. He then sent me a text asking if I just wanted to forego the food and just talk?? I am really not sure what to think. The coupon use on the first date made me feel kind of less special. Can't really explain it and now this?!?! I like the conversations he and I have but I think this is turning weird. Thoughts??


Wow, I'm offline for a day & this thread explodes!
OP, were you two going to do lunch during the week?
Sounds like he's still testing you. 
Or maybe his schedule is overbooked & instead of telling you that, he's trying to squeeze in a date w/ you.
Because if all he wants is a chat, you can do that anytime on the phone, no need to meet in person.
Let him know that you two can reschedule for another time when you two can have a date & offer to pay.


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## Entropy3000

Some men reach a point in their life where they are interested in being wanted for themselves and not just their wallet or what they can do for you. These guys tend to be very successful professional men who can be exceedingly generous. Who can be thoughtful, giving and very passionate lovers.

Now this guy probably is a douche ... if he exists at all.

But I am telling you it gets old when you are just seen for your status and or your money. I have seen this with some very successful people. Many of these guys become very lonely because they become very unsure that they are desired for who they are as a person.

I do think this is Darwinian. But it works both ways.
After a while the guys get tired of dating women who are only interested in a free meal or two. How cheap is that?


----------



## Starstarfish

> Wow. Were are the feminists now? Crickets.... LOL.


Some of us already said this wasn't a game ender. And when female posters have called out the OP, it didn't really go in our favor. There are self-reported male posters saying using a coupon on a first date is "tacky" and indicating all of the things it obviously implies about the guy too. So - apparently, its not just women who have these strong feelings against coupons or first date etiquette or whatever. 

So let's not punish all self-identifying feminists as not speaking up - some of us have. Well - I mean, I don't want to speak on some of the female posters behalves on their political views, but - some women here feminist or otherwise have said using a coupon wouldn't bother them. And for me, I've had a grand total of 5 first dates, so my opinion stems from a rather limited sample base.  



> A guy who throws away his money lavishly is a better lay?


I'm sure Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark would agree with this statement. 

But seriously, if you determine whether you are going to sleep with a guy on the first date by what car he drives up in or whether he not he uses a coupon the issue lies with you, not him. 

I missed it though - where in the thread did someone bring up whether or not coupon use = bad sex skills.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Thundarr said:


> I don't think that's driven the thread at all. By the way I haven't intended to offend couponers. I'm one too. But imagine the friendly back and forth had this thread been started in social by any well liked TAMER.


Heck they are probably making fun of it there now, I am too lazy to waste my time -looking to find out. 

There is also this silly notion that those of us who may not be offended by a damn coupon may not wear make up or not bath, or wear sweats...probably a load of comparisons on here... just because I personally may be more tolerable over something ...I consider rather small ...withholding the judgement...until I got to know someone better... by no means = some of us would be lax on a 1st date... or do any of these things...

In reality, I would be more careful to JUDGE my own behavior over my dates...until things became clearer to me.

If I was a RICH man and I had too many women taking me for a ride on my generosity...because of my Profession expecting whined & dined on the 1st date... I'd do all the little *tests* I could to weed those type women out.


----------



## Starstarfish

Obviously, we've discovered the most simple of those tests, SA - use a coupon.


----------



## Entropy3000

Starstarfish said:


> Some of us already said this wasn't a game ender. And when female posters have called out the OP, it didn't really go in our favor. There are self-reported male posters saying using a coupon on a first date is "tacky" and indicating all of the things it obviously implies about the guy too. So - apparently, its not just women who have these strong feelings against coupons or first date etiquette or whatever.
> 
> So let's not punish all self-identifying feminists as not speaking up - some of us have. Well - I mean, I don't want to speak on some of the female posters behalves on their political views, but - some women here feminist or otherwise have said using a coupon wouldn't bother them. And for me, I've had a grand total of 5 first dates, so my opinion stems from a rather limited sample base.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm sure Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark would agree with this statement.
> 
> But seriously, if you determine whether you are going to sleep with a guy on the first date by what car he drives up in or whether he not he uses a coupon the issue lies with you, not him.
> 
> I missed it though - where in the thread did someone bring up whether or not coupon use = bad sex skills.


Mavash's comment about cheap guys like this ... implied this.

And before any feelings are hurt. Ooops too late, Mavash is one of my favorite posters. I do get what she infers. But wow.

Oh I get the whole deal. I also hear you. I would never go over the top on anything. 

My heroes!! Bruce and Tony. :smthumbup:

I love your post BTW. Seriously.


----------



## Entropy3000

Starstarfish said:


> Obviously, we've discovered the most simple of those tests, SA - use a coupon.


Someone needs to write a book on this!!!


----------



## Maricha75

Starstarfish said:


> I'm sure Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark would agree with this statement.


Fictitious people don't count. 
Sorry, but reality being Donald Trump or men like him... yuck. No thanks. I'll take the decent guy who works as a dishwasher at a pizza place and uses a coupon to Applebee's for $10 off over the former. 



Starstarfish said:


> I missed it though - where in the thread did someone bring up whether or not coupon use = bad sex skills.


The last couple of pages, it switched over to sex. And it was brought up that a stingy man (implying someone who uses a coupon on that first date...aka "cheap") is bad in bed... but one who would fork out the cash and go all out on that first date would be a good lay. Before anyone gets his or her panties twisted, I said IMPLIED, not outright stated.


----------



## Entropy3000

Cheap Date Ideas for Men


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## Entropy3000

Emotions: 10 Men Women Date Before Settling down! | GLees










The Cheap-O
He asks you to go halfsies on the first date. By the third date, he tries to persuade you to Dine and Dash. Or worse, use coupons. He needs to learn that money comes and goes. Too bad you left him a long time ago.


----------



## Thundarr

Entropy3000 said:


> That might be true for you. But it would not be for me. She would not even realize it if I did. I would not give it a second though and she would not either.
> 
> But did the guy tip on the original amount? if not then he is a cheap @$$hole.


I have to agree that not tipping on the full order is something I judge as cheap or really naive (no... it's cheap). Being rude or condescending the server would actually halt the conversation in it's tracks. So yea coupons are small potatoes compared to those.


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## that_girl

:rofl: This is all so silly.

I've stopped dating a man because he looked like he walked out of 1983. I'm sure people stopped dating me for stupid shet too.

Who cares. What I don't like is how he's changing the next date to just talking. Ooook....not even coffee? Wow. 

Then again, I pay my way.


----------



## that_girl

Entropy3000 said:


> He sounds flaky to me.
> 
> But is it not your turn to treat him? Where are you taking him to lunch?


Should get a coupon for Subway. Buy one, get one.

He can have the "get one". I'll have the soda. Horrible. 

Who asked whom out? That person pays


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## Starstarfish

> I've stopped dating a man because he looked like he walked out of 1983


Man, now I just want to know - was he wearing a red leather jacket a la Thriller, a "frilly shirt", aviator glasses, or a mullet?

Hell - was he wearing all of them at the same time?


----------



## that_girl

He had these jeans....I don't even know. And white aerobic shoes (like my dad's), and socks that slouched. He wore these shirts with elastic band waists....had just a mustache....and aviator sunglasses. It wasn't that he liked this style, but was still IN the style (he was 14years older than I).

He was a great guy to hang out with, but I just couldn't date him.


----------



## Entropy3000

that_girl said:


> Should get a coupon for Subway. Buy one, get one.
> 
> He can have the "get one". I'll have the soda. Horrible.
> 
> Who asked whom out? That person pays


With the right woman, this would be pretty great really. Dare I say fun? 

But I do think there should be parity in the meal. Good point.

And yes I agree who ever asked the othe rout should pay by default. That said, when discussing a next date, there is nothing wrong with the woman taking the guys out at some point. Perhaps a place she enjoys. He gets to experience a favorite place of hers.

--------

So how soon can the guy offer to cook for her at his place?


----------



## Entropy3000

Ok so, when is it ok to share a dessert?

-------------

I like Japanese Habachi. Would this be ok for a first date or is that a second / third date? Too many distractions?


----------



## luv2luv

Entropy3000 said:


> I guess it comes down to why you are dating and what you are looking for.
> 
> Realize that there are some men who want a woman who might be more interested in him than his pay check.
> 
> I thought things have evolved past this? Maybe not.
> 
> Why would a guy want to date a woman who was a cheap ass? Pun intended? Not at all. So it is about a guys money? I see. LOL. I guess his sex rank went down.


I think it's a reach to say that people who want generous boyfriends do so with the intention of using them.

I wouldn't date someone who was cheap simply because it would limit how I want to live my life. I want to be able to go to the restaurants I like, expensive or not if I can afford it. I will easily treat men at those restaurants when I know they aren't nickle and diming me. I don't want to not be able to restaurants and places I can afford because the other person can't find a coupon for that place. Or if I treat at an expensive place, they try to treat at McDonald's. Stinginess is unattractive in all relationships 

I have a close friend who splits checks not evenly but down to the cent. I go out with her less. I am a vegetarian (mostly) so m food is almost always less but having to split down the cent annoys me, and I know she is completely comfortable letting me overpay when I spend less.

So yes someone being cheap matters and it is a complete turn off, EVEN if you don't intend to use the other person 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75

Entropy3000 said:


> With the right woman, this would be pretty great really.
> 
> Dare I say fun?


Agreed! Let's go!

Wait...TG, didn't you already ask me out?


----------



## Wiserforit

Entropy3000 said:


> So all else equal ... A guy who is very generous and maybe even lavish with a woman on a first date may end up having sex sooner than a guy who is less lavish but perhaps a better guy period. wait, maybe by definition a better guy has more money ... hmmm.


Depends on the girl. I suppose there are women who feel they need to have the guy pay some minimum amount before they will screw him. Hookers, for example.


----------



## Deejo

I'm going to start using these coupons on my first dates, will let you know how they work out.


----------



## bbird1

Ok let's look at this. He saved a few dollars on a meal. If he is like me maybe he is a saver. I didn't get to the financial state i am in now being spendy. I put 1 child through college cash and have the other twos college money saved, we own our home and vacation home cash, have money in the bank, our retirements are secure and that was a first important thing for me a house in order financially.

I would use a coupon when i have them. But honestly to save money and ensure the meal was good i'd have gone with a picnic on a first date and prepared everything myself.


----------



## Entropy3000

luv2luv said:


> I think it's a reach to say that people who want generous boyfriends do so with the intention of using them.
> 
> I wouldn't date someone who was cheap simply because it would limit how I want to live my life. I want to be able to go to the restaurants I like, expensive or not if I can afford it. I will easily treat men at those restaurants when I know they aren't nickle and diming me. I don't want to not be able to restaurants and places I can afford because the other person can't find a coupon for that place. Or if I treat at an expensive place, they try to treat at McDonald's. Stinginess is unattractive in all relationships
> 
> I have a close friend who splits checks not evenly but down to the cent. I go out with her less. I am a vegetarian (mostly) so m food is almost always less but having to split down the cent annoys me, and I know she is completely comfortable letting me overpay when I spend less.
> 
> So yes someone being cheap matters and it is a complete turn off, EVEN if you don't intend to use the other person
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So you would understand if I would expect a woman of quality to treat me as well. To be able to take me to the finer places. I would not want a chinzy woman after all. 

It is a shades of gray world. Fifty? Saying one is using or not using someone can be rationalized in all sorts of ways.

It might indeed be better for a man to date a woman of significant means. I see this now. He would be less concerned with being used just for his money. Together they could go to finer places with more style. They could go on more trips together as well. Indeed. A man could get used to that.

I do not think it cheap for example to use miles to bump up to first class. That is not cheap. I get the counting pennies thing. But we should not equate using discounts, miles or even coupons. It IS less likely I would have coupons in my Bentley than in my Corvette for example.

So I think it is ok for a guy to want a generous girlfriend. Gifts are nice.

I depend on the kindness of strangers.


----------



## bobbieb65

Wiserforit said:


> Depends on the girl. I suppose there are women who feel they need to have the guy pay some minimum amount before they will screw him. Hookers, for example.


Don't forget strippers and lap dancers


----------



## Entropy3000

Maricha75 said:


> Agreed! Let's go!
> 
> Wait...TG, didn't you already ask me out?


 A 3-way at subway ....

I think there is a coupon for that.


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## bobbieb65

Maybe he wants to meet to tell you face to face that he's unemployed and lacking in the funds department...would explain the coupon on first date.

Just to be safe, make sure you meet with him at a public place where people are around...not an isolated area in a park


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## Maricha75

Entropy3000 said:


> A 3-way at subway ....
> 
> I think there is a coupon for that.


Think mine may cost the least anyway.... Veggie sub.


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## luv2luv

Entropy3000 said:


> So you would understand if I would expect a woman of quality to treat me as well. To be able to take me to the finer places. I would not want a chinzy woman after all.
> 
> It is a shades of gray world. Saying one is using or not using someone can be rationalized in all sorts of ways.
> 
> It might indeed be better for a man to date a woman of significant means. I see this now. He would be less concerned with being used just for his money. Together they could go to finer places with more style. They could go on more trips together as well. Indeed. A man could get used to that.


I believe you are being facetious but I happen to agree with the sentiment. Don't get me wrong, I don't think people should be stupid with their money , but if you can easily afford $50 then don't quibble over it being $52. I would be the same way if I was picking up the extra $2. If you trust the other person to not be cheap , over time it evens out. 

And for someone who makes 30k, after expenses, a $27 meal might be generous and for someone who makes 70k, it might be cheap. It's all relative. So no I am not saying that people shouldn't date poor people, but cheap people are a b*tch to live with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

He could have invited her to his place. He lives with his mom. She could make meatloaf for them.


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## Entropy3000

Maricha75 said:


> Think mine may cost the least anyway.... Veggie sub.


More for me then.

In fact I would buy the house a round of subs!!! Because I am that kind of a wild and crazy generous kinda guy.

I actually have increased the amount of red meat I have been eating. I cut too much of it out.


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## BrockLanders

Full disclosure: I didn't read this entire thread.

Being turned off by a guy saving over 33% of his bill because he had a coupon is ridiculous. There is no room for argument here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

Sure there is. that's the beauty of dating. You get to pick and choose.



Maybe they should date for MONTHS and start planning a wedding! haha. no. It bothered her. Now his weird requests for 2nd date is bothering her. NEXT.

All these people who say "ooh the honeymoon stage is in the beginning!" This sure as hell isn't that.


----------



## Maricha75

Then again, maybe he has an account here, or lurks and he saw this thread so thought he'd test her to see if the OP was, indeed, her.


----------



## that_girl

hahaha that would be funny.


----------



## Wiserforit

From lunch to picnic to just talking?

Well, tell him you prefer sex at your apartment and when he shows up say you changed your mind and want to shop for shoes with him instead.


----------



## weightlifter

Wiserforit said:


> From lunch to picnic to just talking?
> 
> Well, tell him you prefer sex at your apartment and when he shows up say you changed your mind and want to shop for shoes with him instead.


Oh that is EVIL. I love it.

Then again OP gets torn up here enough.


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## that_girl

Not even shop for shoes at a store. Just online. On my phone.


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## SimplyAmorous

luv2luv said:


> I think it's a reach to say that people who want generous boyfriends do so with the intention of using them.
> 
> I wouldn't date someone who was cheap simply because it would limit how I want to live my life. I want to be able to go to the restaurants I like, expensive or not if I can afford it. I will easily treat men at those restaurants when I know they aren't nickle and diming me. I don't want to not be able to restaurants and places I can afford because the other person can't find a coupon for that place. Or if I treat at an expensive place, they try to treat at McDonald's. Stinginess is unattractive in all relationships
> 
> I have a close friend who splits checks not evenly but down to the cent. I go out with her less. I am a vegetarian (mostly) so m food is almost always less but having to split down the cent annoys me, and I know she is completely comfortable letting me overpay when I spend less.
> 
> So yes someone being cheap matters and it is a complete turn off, EVEN if you don't intend to use the other person
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Simply put...people have different pre-conceived expectations and priorities....and that's well and good....so many live with high debt today and think nothing of it....for me, that is very unsettling..I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. 

Some look more to how someone lives... is it a 1st class lifestyle, hotel, restaurant...some look for the deeper things, what a person is made of....

I am NOT turned off by being frugal.. I am compatible with these types (so I keep repeating myself on here).... a Scrooge Miser is different...he would be cold, callous and treat everyone like dirt...maybe give a lump of coal for christmas too. 

The truth is....I would likely dig to learn how much debt a guy was in...if I started dating.... I'd not give a 2nd date, or a 3rd date if/when I learned he couldn't live within his means...or had high credit card debt of any kind....

Why a coupon, for me, would be a great conversation starter...it would give me a crack for these type of questions ! to learn a little more about him. YES...bring it on, whip it out !

If he made BIG BUCKS...and was still in debt, shiny new car, lavish lifestyle...I'd find that even more mismanagement..

Wouldn't care how low income he was, or what kind of car he drove....he could be a Garbage collector for all I cared...what type of restaurant also wouldn't matter to me...I'm really not a Princess....a sweet country picnic lunch would do me dandy ...I am pretty easy to please with the simpler things in life... but I am awfully choosy in other areas.... 

At the end of the day, it comes down to different priorities....that's what makes the world go 'round.



> *bbird1 said*: Ok let's look at this. He saved a few dollars on a meal.* If he is like me maybe he is a saver*. I didn't get to the financial state i am in now being spendy. I put 1 child through college cash and have the other twos college money saved, we own our home and vacation home cash, have money in the bank, our retirements are secure *and that was a first important thing for me a house in order financially*.
> 
> I would use a coupon when i have them. *But honestly to save money and ensure the meal was good i'd have gone with a picnic on a first date and prepared everything myself.*


 Now THIS would impress ME !!


----------



## that_girl

It just depends on what the OP thinks.

Maybe she's at a point in her life where she just wants what she wants.

I know that at this time in my life, I want someone as my partner. I'll use coupons at the market, for clothes, shoes, haircuts, pizza...whatever. On a date? Nope. And I ain't high rollin. 

I'll use the coupons in those areas so I can afford a date. Dang.


----------



## treyvion

BrockLanders said:


> Full disclosure: I didn't read this entire thread.
> 
> Being turned off by a guy saving over 33% of his bill because he had a coupon is ridiculous. There is no room for argument here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If this guy used a coupon for a great date, AND tipped generously ontop of it. Pettiness would not see that the guy put together an excellent date.


----------



## Mavash.

I married a BROKE police officer so I don't care about a man's money. For 10 years I was the breadwinner. It didn't matter because I loved him.

That said he's the most generous, giving man I've ever met. He's the type of man to give you the shirt off his back if he thought you needed it.

Now lets compare and contrast my husband to the cheap man I dumped. That man made a great salary, had minimal bills (he lived with his single wealthy father), and yet he lived as though he were on the brink of poverty. He's like my FIL who was also wealthy. That man wouldn't even buy necessities like toothpaste unless he had a coupon for it.

I'm a woman of balance. I'm wise with money but I don't see the point of hoarding cash for no purpose. I also don't want to play mother may I with my spending or be told to buy generic toilet paper if I don't like it.

I have a friend married to a well to do but cheap man. She has to ask permission to get a soda at the gas station. That's too cheap in my opinion.

No you guys are right we haven't decided why this guy is acting like this but my gut says he's cheap. My only other explanation is that he's broke but seeing as he's an attorney I don't think that's it. I'm a CPA and I've worked with male cpa's that were like this. They moaned and complained about how much women cost and I don't mean big items I mean little things like the cost of a decent shampoo.

I run from men like this. It's not about the amount of money in his bank account it's the scarcity, stingy, attitude that I don't like. Use a coupon don't use a coupon I don't care it's the bigger picture that I'm concerned with.


----------



## Entropy3000

Mavash. said:


> I married a BROKE police officer so I don't care about a man's money. For 10 years I was the breadwinner. It didn't matter because I loved him.
> 
> *That said he's the most generous, giving man I've ever met. * He's the type of man to give you the shirt off his back if he thought you needed it.
> 
> Now lets compare and contrast my husband to the cheap man I dumped. That man made a great salary, had minimal bills (he lived with his single wealthy father), and yet he lived as though he were on the brink of poverty. He's like my FIL who was also wealthy. That man wouldn't even buy necessities like toothpaste unless he had a coupon for it.
> 
> I'm a woman of balance. I'm wise with money but I don't see the point of hoarding cash for no purpose. I also don't want to play mother may I with my spending or be told to buy generic toilet paper if I don't like it.
> 
> I have a friend married to a well to do but cheap man. She has to ask permission to get a soda at the gas station. That's too cheap in my opinion.
> 
> No you guys are right we haven't decided why this guy is acting like this but my gut says he's cheap. My only other explanation is that he's broke but seeing as he's an attorney I don't think that's it. I'm a CPA and I've worked with male cpa's that were like this. They moaned and complained about how much women cost and I don't mean big items I mean little things like the cost of a decent shampoo.
> 
> I run from men like this. It's not about the amount of money in his bank account it's the scarcity, stingy, attitude that I don't like. Use a coupon don't use a coupon I don't care it's the bigger picture that I'm concerned with.


I agree cheap people ... whatever gender are not worth our time. We do want generous. Man or woman.

But using a coupon does not make someone NOT generous is my point. People who are smart with their money, can be more generous. This said we all have the right to judge anyone anyway we so desire. But if you judge me to not be generous because I used a coupon ... you messed up big time.

My gut says this guy has issues. How did she meet him? Is he her divorce lawyer? The guy is probably a douche. But there was a judment that using a coupn made him tacky. The inference is that this is a general statement. I find it tacky to receive a meal bought by someone else and care how they pay for it. I just say thank you. But that is just me. These people gave each other something way more valuable to each other. Their time. Their focus. That is what is meaningful. 

Much if not most of my comments have been tongue in cheek as while there is a real issue on the table I think we should also be somehwat light hearted about this. But I also agree that at some point it hits a nerve with me. First off I am all for judgment. We do need to be making judgments. We do need to be observing and gathering data so we can make informed judgments. We also have the right to judge anyone potential mate in anyway we choose. We are not hiring someone to work t the mall for the summer ... as critical as that may be. People date for all sorts of reasons. Those reasons are their business. Men and women are not exactly the same. But we hear cries for equality. Cool. I still believe in chivalry because I am a guy and I choose to. If a VP is dating lets say a teacher ... then obviously one of them is going to have more financial means. Yes it is just as easy to fall in love with someone with money.

I have never been divorced. Knock on wood. I think many men and many women would naturally be carrying some baggage after this. Some are beat down and others are entitled. I do have compassion. Hopefully there is not a lot of resentment for one another while dating. By either sex. Guys may be put off by women who do not just put out because they were in a sexless marriage. Women may have scrimped and saved during their marriage and want a man with means. Both are looking for what may be a fantasy. Idunno. Fix thyself first.

But again, anyone has the right to feel anyway they wish. A generous heart is a requirement IMO. How you decide that is up for debate.

How important is the watch a man wears? I do not have an expensive one. Many men do. I get it. I think a man should treat himself. How about his car? The way he dresses. His status. Wow, this was all discussed on the sex rank threads. But in all seriousness, I agree that generosity is a trait of a quality man.


----------



## SadSamIAm

The coupon might have been a test.

If I had a bunch of money and was having to date, I might be leary in regards to motive. 

Does she want me because of me or because of what I have? 

Since you agreed to a second date, I am guessing you passed his test. A gold digger would have ditched him for using the coupon, which is what he might have been trying to find out.


----------



## Mavash.

Using a coupon on a first date is a yellow flag to me.

Not a deal breaker just something to be mindful of as dating continues.

For example I'm not a drinker nor do I want to marry a drinker and on my first date with my husband he had two beers.

Yellow flag.

Turns out he's just a social drinker and so I did in fact marry him.


----------



## Mavash.

SadSamIAm said:


> The coupon might have been a test.
> 
> If I had a bunch of money and was having to date, I might be leary in regards to motive.
> 
> Does she want me because of me or because of what I have?
> 
> Since you agreed to a second date, I am guessing you passed his test. A gold digger would have ditched him for using the coupon, which is what he might have been trying to find out.


I'd totally go out with a man again who used a coupon because I'm not into a man's money.

I would totally pass this test because I'm NOT a gold digger.

I'd however want to know is he stingy or just concerned I'm after his money. This test goes two ways.


----------



## Maricha75

Mavash. said:


> *Using a coupon on a first date is a yellow flag to me.*
> 
> Not a deal breaker just something to be mindful of as dating continues.
> 
> For example I'm not a drinker nor do I want to marry a drinker and on my first date with my husband he had two beers.
> 
> Yellow flag.
> 
> Turns out he's just a social drinker and so I did in fact marry him.


Ok, I can accept "yellow flag". But more on the side of intrigued, curious, rather than thinking it tacky.


----------



## Sanity

Cheapness and sex aren't friends on the first date unless both are really desperate. A broke man has no business asking another woman out anyway lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Sanity said:


> Cheapness and sex aren't friends on the first date unless both are really desperate. A broke man has no business asking another woman out anyway lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Funny.


----------



## Kimberley17

SadSamIAm said:


> The coupon might have been a test.
> 
> If I had a bunch of money and was having to date, I might be leary in regards to motive.
> 
> Does she want me because of me or because of what I have?
> 
> Since you agreed to a second date, I am guessing you passed his test. A gold digger would have ditched him for using the coupon, which is what he might have been trying to find out.


I seriously just think he's not all that experienced with dating.


----------



## Wiserforit

Sanity said:


> Cheapness and sex aren't friends on the first date unless both are really desperate. A broke man has no business asking another woman out anyway lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I almost never took a woman out in the traditional "date" sense. Fishing, hunting, camping, running, hiking, motorcycling... Probably talking an average of under five dollars. 

It was never out of being broke. I don't really like doing a dinner/movie thing. 

Someone mentioned McDonalds in derision. What a wonderful time with kids! They have a playground, ice cream, and free wifi. That would be a fine first date if one of them or both has kids. Oh, and I have gotten plenty of McDonald's coupons. If you are at any of these fast food places, make a report on the service while you are in there and the regional manager people will send you coupons. I do that when the service is either good or bad and when it is good I have them call the manager from the back and tell them in front of the service staff. That always goes over big with everyone.


----------



## Holland

For those that think it weeds out the gold diggers, you may be partly right but you are not totally right.

I am so far from a gold digger and am a wealthy woman. I do not need a man's money and probably have more than most of the men I have dated. 
And these day's the fairer folk do have the capacity to earn their own you know.

I just think a coupon is tacky, simple. It has nothing to do with gold digging. It is more a sign of a lack of style to me personally. Can't see anything wrong with putting in some effort to impress a date, this is from both sides.

I would also say he is unskilled at dating. The norm I found was to discuss payment of the bill before the date so both people knew what was expected and their was no awkwardness at the end.


----------



## Entropy3000

So a broke guy should search out wealthy Cougars? Is this what I am reading?

I would not need a coupon if my female date was paying. Dazzle me. Show me how equal you are. I think that would be great.


----------



## samyeagar

Mavash. said:


> I'd totally go out with a man again who used a coupon because I'm not into a man's money.
> 
> *I would totally pass this test because I'm NOT a gold digger.*
> 
> I'd however want to know is he stingy or just concerned I'm after his money. This test goes two ways.


All things about safety and blah blah blah aside, my STBW invited me over to her house and she cooked me dinner on our first date. 

She did it for a couple of reasons. The main one was that she did not want me to spend one penny on her. We had known each other for a little while before this, and spent hours talking about everything under the sun. She knew just how badly I was used as an ATM by my ex-wife and did not want to come off that way in the slightest. She also didn't have the money to afford a nice dinner out for the two of us, so she cooked dinner for me.


----------



## Holland

Entropy3000 said:


> So a broke guy should search out wealthy Cougars? Is this what I am reading?
> 
> I would not need a coupon if my female date was paying. Dazzle me. Show me how equal you are. I think that would be great.


If that was in reply to me then I don't know what the hell you are reading??? :scratchhead:


----------



## pink_lady

Entropy3000 said:


> So all else equal ... A guy who is very generous and maybe even lavish with a woman on a first date may end up having sex sooner than a guy who is less lavish but perhaps a better guy period. wait, maybe by definition a better guy has more money ... hmmm.
> 
> I do know guys who go this way. They lay on the show very heavy right out the gate even if they have to borrow the money to impress the woman with his money and status. Borrow a friends impressive car. Borrow some Panther Bits for cologne. This is to get into her pants the fatsest way possible. Let her think she is a princess.
> 
> Then there are guys who perhaps are more interested in the longer term and actually hope for a relationship.
> 
> It seems that there is an expectation that dating a man of a certain status like a lawyer will demand that he play the part. I can see how it might be dissapointing from a Cinderella perspective to have Prince Charming use a coupon.
> 
> Wow. Were are the feminists now? Crickets.... LOL.
> 
> If the focus on the guy is around this aspect it means he is lacking elsewhere. And I do not mean his TAM memeber but ... maybe I should.
> 
> Look if a man pays for your dinner and shows you a good time and you seem to have a connection, ask yourself what are you lacking that you would care if he uses a coupon? Just saying that a guy like this is lacking in bed is way past absurd. Really? A guy who throws away his money lavishly is a better lay? NFW. That is an insult. The guy sounds insecure. Perhaps he is very vain. A typical insult where someone cannot think of a reasonable way to belittle a man so lets attack his bedroom capabilities. Not based on anything real. He used a coupon. Oh my. What a lousy lover he must be. UFB.
> 
> I am glad we are all equal now days. LOL. Glad women do not need a man's money.
> 
> Hey I doubt I would use a coupon. But not for this reason. I am far from cheap. I guess when I was younger I was such a good lay women bought me dinner. LOL.
> 
> Am I overly entertained by this shallowness. Oh hell yes I am. I am thinking that it is now a good tactic for guys to use a coupon on the first date to weed out the tacky ones.


I'd like to point out...again...that the OP suggested they go dutch, the date refused her offer.

Would also like to point out...again...that the coupon thing is not about money, it's about the impression it makes/ message it sends to the person you're on a date with. I use restaurant.com coupons all the time, but it would be bizarre to make a big point of paying for my date's dinner and then whip one out on a first or second date. 

Of course you're going to judge everything your date does on a first meeting- because it's *all you have to go on*. As grown adults, both people obviously realize this.

Posters going on about using coupons regularly in your 18 year marriage...that's completely irrelevant to the question at hand.


----------



## pink_lady

Entropy3000 said:


> Some men reach a point in their life where they are interested in being wanted for themselves and not just their wallet or what they can do for you. These guys tend to be very successful professional men who can be exceedingly generous. Who can be thoughtful, giving and very passionate lovers.
> 
> Now this guy probably is a douche ... if he exists at all.
> 
> But I am telling you it gets old when you are just seen for your status and or your money. I have seen this with some very successful people. Many of these guys become very lonely because they become very unsure that they are desired for who they are as a person.
> 
> I do think this is Darwinian. But it works both ways.
> After a while the guys get tired of dating women who are only interested in a free meal or two. How cheap is that?


And I get tired of 60 year old obese men messaging me because I have long blond hair and big boobs, assuming I'll abandon all my physical preferences and be interested in 'dating' them because they have a good job. Uh, no.


----------



## soulsearch

*Re: Coupon on first date??*

I grew up dirt, dirt poor, so using a coupon in front of someone I was trying to make an impression on would not happen. For me, there are just certain things I struck from my life because of growing up the way I did, so that would be the only reason. If I'd needed to use the coupon, I never would have went there. I would have taken the date a different direction, like a picnic or something. 

I realize I'm a bit odd in this, as I also don't like discussing financial matters with anyone, and my wife and I never say "we can't afford it" in our kids hearing. If we don't have the money, we tell them we've chosen to spend our money on things that are more important. 

My other peeve- "I'm/we're broke".... That was my parents mantra, and my wifes parents as well. I don't believe either of us has ever uttered those words.


----------



## pink_lady

Starstarfish said:


> Some of us already said this wasn't a game ender. And when female posters have called out the OP, it didn't really go in our favor. There are self-reported male posters saying using a coupon on a first date is "tacky" and indicating all of the things it obviously implies about the guy too. So - apparently, its not just women who have these strong feelings against coupons or first date etiquette or whatever.
> 
> So let's not punish all self-identifying feminists as not speaking up - some of us have. Well - I mean, I don't want to speak on some of the female posters behalves on their political views, but - some women here feminist or otherwise have said using a coupon wouldn't bother them. And for me, I've had a grand total of 5 first dates, so my opinion stems from a rather limited sample base.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm sure Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark would agree with this statement.
> 
> But seriously, if you determine whether you are going to sleep with a guy on the first date by what car he drives up in or whether he not he uses a coupon the issue lies with you, not him.
> 
> I missed it though - where in the thread did someone bring up whether or not coupon use = bad sex skills.


The problem is that a lot of people on TAM have these hysterical 1967 ideas of what a 'feminist' is. Just a tad out of touch.


----------



## Starstarfish

All I've got to say is this thread makes me glad I'm married. 

Otherwise, I may have whipped out a coupon on a date at some point, and been totally boned. 

(Or not boned, depending on how you look at it.)


----------



## Thundarr

Entropy3000 said:


> So a broke guy should search out wealthy Cougars? Is this what I am reading?
> 
> I would not need a coupon if my female date was paying. Dazzle me. Show me how equal you are. I think that would be great.


Sure why not. If he's broke then he can find a woman who'll pay for him but he will have a small dating pool. Isn't that how it often works anyway. The thing is using a coupon on the first date sends the "I might broke" signal. A smart man or woman won't judge on that one thing though. So if the date doesn't care then great. It sounds like some here at TAM wouldn't think twice about it and others think it's tacky.

Right or wrong, men shrink there dating pool dramatically when expecting to be taken care of. Much more so than women.


----------



## PieceOfSky

Kimberley17 said:


> I seriously just think he's not all that experienced with dating.


I know the type. We're not all all bad. 

If that's the case, then he would likely appreciate directness when something makes you feel uncomfortable, confused or concerned. FWIW.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Sanity said:


> Cheapness and sex aren't friends on the first date unless both are really desperate. *A broke man has no business asking another woman out anyway lol.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Which is probably why a lot of guys who should get divorced just suck it up and deal with it.


----------



## Prodigal

I see the Great Coupon Debate of 2013 continues to rage on ...

Personally? I don't have any strong bias towards coupon versus non-coupon.

The thing that caught my attention is OP'ers date wants a second date to "just talk." WTF?!?!?

The picnic idea sounded like a nice, inexpensive way to relax, talk, and enjoy the great outdoors on a leisurely afternoon. He brings the beverages, she brings the main course, and they split the dessert ... JMO.

But to just talk? Bare bones? No coffee to sip in a cozy corner of a coffee shop? Just sit and talk .... on a second date???

Sorry ... but it just sounds weird to me. And the coupon? Doesn't sound nearly as weird or cheap or date-challenged compared to a guy who just wants to talk. 

Don't get me wrong; I'm all for a spirited debate or a meeting of the minds. But on a second date, I'm in the we're-getting-to-know-one-another status. Nothing too pithy. 

I dunno ... maybe I'm just an old broad who is out of the loop.


----------



## that_girl

It's funny how people who think those of us who find coupons on first dates "Tacky" to be a golddigger. 

I married a man who, along with my income, live paycheck to paycheck. Money isn't a big deal to me, bills get paid, we have what we need. I was a single mom for 7 years, I can budge the shet out of any amount of money I have.

That's not the point.

The point is first date. I prefer to pay my way, and if a man doesn't like that, then so be it. But if a man asks me out and takes me out, and uses a coupon, I'd be like, "wtf"? I dunno.

Just me. When I date, I want a good match-- and this wouldn't be it.


----------



## bbird1

I find it funny women want a man who can provide for them which means he has money. But yet this guy was smart and saved a few dollars on the meal and people jump on him?

A penny saved is a penny earned. I have gotten to my point of financial stability by being frugal. This by no means is cheap but when i can save a few dollars great more money in the bank for the future.

I will never fully understand women. /smh

Maybe the guy is having financial issues right now. Maybe like MANY americans he has taken pay cuts in recent years. Maybe he was downsized and is now working in a field at a lesser job than he is capable? Maybe he is attending college to reeducate himself so he can obtain a better job. But you will never know throwing your stones. I am almost ashamed of this thread.

Here is my advice ask him. Do you always use coupons when you can? If yes why might I ask? If its to save a little money I'm sure he will tell you.


----------



## Thundarr

bbird1 said:


> I find it funny women want a man who can provide for them which means he has money. But yet this guy was smart and saved a few dollars on the meal and people jump on him?
> 
> A penny saved is a penny earned. I have gotten to my point of financial stability by being frugal. This by no means is cheap but when i can save a few dollars great more money in the bank for the future.
> 
> I will never fully understand women. /smh
> 
> Maybe the guy is having financial issues right now. Maybe like MANY americans he has taken pay cuts in recent years. Maybe he was downsized and is now working in a field at a lesser job than he is capable? Maybe he is attending college to reeducate himself so he can obtain a better job. But you will never know throwing your stones. I am almost ashamed of this thread.
> 
> Here is my advice ask him. Do you always use coupons when you can? If yes why might I ask? If its to save a little money I'm sure he will tell you.


It's not that sinnister. Most dates gauge interest level by the effort put into little things during the date. Things like wearing decent clothes that aren't tattered and cleaning out the car so there's no trash or clutter in the floor board are common. The woman making her self up to look pretty is common. Paying for the meal or going dutch and tipping appropriate and being polite and courteous is common.

I think all that's being said is that using a coupon on the first date isn't common and it would make people wonder if the guy (or girl) cared very much about how the date went. I don't think it's throwing rocks, or shaming, or shameful. It's just an opinion.


----------



## bbird1

The posts calling him cheap is the hurtful things. Maybe he is not cheap but knows how to save...ect..

Also she said the date went well because she is going on a second one but the coupon thing. So what not everyone has the same customs. For me the coupon would not be a red flag. The other things you named might be. Messy car, messy unkempt clothing, unclean person. Yes those are flags. Those suggest they have little self respect. Even when i was dating my car was clean, i might have only had jeans and a polo shirt but they were clean and pressed, no holes ect..

So this is more what I am talking about so he used a coupon get over yourselves.


----------



## Chelle D

Okay, I'm trying to skim thru....

Did Kimberly17 ever come back & say how the second date went??? If so, can someone direct me to the page number?

I saw where she said he changed the second date suggestion a couple times to the point of just talking. Did anything further come out of it yet?


----------



## ManOhMan2013

*Re: Coupon on first date??*



Kimberley17 said:


> I'm newly divorced and am getting back into the dating scene. I met a guy for lunch for the forst time and he used a coupon. I thought it was tacky. What do you all think?


*Yes, it's tacky. This guy is a cheapskate. This is the tip of the iceberg! I'm sorry for being so negative. But I have known these types of people. They can't help it. They are cheap! Perhaps frugal is a nicer way of putting it. If he's this "frugal" on his first date it will only get worse. Sorry. But that's how I feel. He will FOREVER be counting pennies every step of the way!!! BUYER BE WARNED!!! LOL*


----------



## that_girl

bbird1 said:


> So this is more what I am talking about so he used a coupon get over yourselves.


Nice. I don't need to get over myself  I just wouldn't continue dating him. Simple.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Suppose the guy was well dressed , neat and clean, had proper manners , treated her respectfully, made her laugh, smile and she felt comfortable with him.
Suppose he did everything perfectly on that first date , except that he paid with a coupon.

Would it still be tacky?

That , IMO is the real issue.

She's not compatible with this guy. 
No use adjusting her * expectations * to meet him.
Maybe she should find a man who can afford and is willing to pay with his credit card on the first date

And maybe he would find a sweet girl who's really into him., and loves him for what he is.

No complex, differential calculus there!


----------



## that_girl

A credit card? :rofl:

How about people date within their means.


----------



## Caribbean Man

that_girl said:


> A credit card? :rofl:
> 
> How about people date within their means.


Well , that's my point!

She could get a man who can afford her, so she won't be offended by how he pays.

He could get a woman who appreciates him for who he really is, and not how he pays.

Yes, first impressions are lasting ones. There are many things we can _falsely_ judge people by.
But that's on the person doing the judging and not the one being judged.


----------



## that_girl

Yea. That's just what dating is for. Just because people have a date or 2 or 3 doesn't mean they are getting married or should accept everything about that person.


----------



## Caribbean Man

And I agree.
But we need to be careful about the standards we use to judge people.


----------



## that_girl

I guess.

But people can have different standards. Have your own and let other people have theirs. Not a big deal.

Everyone has expectations and comfort levels in dating. I don't think the OP should try to feel better about this just because some people say so. Who cares. She didn't like it, so move on. Someone will like it and he will be happy.


----------



## Caribbean Man

And that's why I said that maybe the OP should find a man who's up to her * standard.*

I'm pretty sure this guy is not going to pay with coupons for the rest of his life.
Did I read that he's studying law?
Who knows? A couple years from now he just might be able to help her if she's having a second divorce.

The way we treat people in life,
Always come back to help or haunt us.


----------



## that_girl

How did she treat him badly? She didn't demean him and laugh or scoff. She wasn't a betch to him. But it bothered her. Oh well. Lots of things bother people. Doesn't mean we're being mean.


----------



## Caribbean Man

I never said she treated him badly...
But if she was in his position , how would she feel if he told her or hinted in some way that she was below her standard because of her unfortunate, temporary,economic position?

See?


----------



## BjornFree

*Don't judge me! I'm not a golddigger. But, you're still a cheapskate.*


----------



## Starstarfish

Unfortunate is all in how you look at it. 

I still want to know what restaurant is giving out $10 coupons, I want to get in on some of those.


----------



## Wiserforit

pink_lady said:


> I'd like to point out...again...that the OP suggested they go dutch, the date refused her offer.


Which sure was cheap on her part. Bad form. She should not have taken advantage of a free meal offer. The hypocrisy meter is pegging red here. 



> Would also like to point out...again...that the coupon thing is not about money, it's about the impression it makes/ message it sends to the person you're on a date with.


Your side of this keeps insisting it is bad form and sending some awful message without stating the reasoning. The reasoning behind thrift is crystal clear. So please would someone actually get beyond mere assertion and explain what exactly is this "bad form" and message being sent?




> I use restaurant.com coupons all the time, but it would be bizarre to *make a big point of paying for my date's dinner *and then whip one out on a first or second date.


Here we go again - the need to exaggerate, to fabricate something completely absent from the story - to make an invalid point.

Not one word has been uttered saying this guy made a big deal out of paying for her dinner. People that have strong points don't need to change the story. 




> Of course you're going to judge everything your date does on a first meeting- because it's *all you have to go on*. As grown adults, both people obviously realize this.


Not much about meaningful personality traits for this guy was mentioned by OP other than that he completed law school. Instead, just the coupon. 

THAT is what's bizarre. People that are not crassly superficial look at things like educational attainment, job history, interests, religious preference, political orientation, future plans, etc. and just about all of that got filtered out except for the coupon, which was only objected to for _how it appeared_, and specifically because it meant _he spent less money on her_. 




> Posters going on about using coupons regularly in your 18 year marriage...that's completely irrelevant to the question at hand.


No it isn't. People that are too afraid to be themselves on a first date - sure. They automatically assume everyone else is just as afraid. 

It matters a great deal to me whether someone puts up a phony appearance in the beginning and does something different than what they normally would do.


----------



## that_girl

Who cares?

If you'd date him, then that's great.

Other people wouldn't. OH well.


----------



## that_girl

And first impressions don't matter? :lol: People fool themselves.


----------



## treyvion

Ive seen plenty of people I didnt know were as fine as they are. Didnt make me one difference.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kimberley17

Guys, it's a moot point. After our 'talking' date #2 I told him we aren't a good fit for one another. We met at our lunch hour and sat and talked. Again, I thought it was tacky to ask me to meet for lunch and then renege on the actual lunch. Had it been after the lunch hour I can see it but at lunch hour no way. We are not suited for each other and IMO he needs to learn how to treat a woman.... So.. on to the next one..JUST MY OPINION. YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOURS BEFORE SOME OF YOU START ATTACKING!!!


----------



## Deejo

Well done.

But dont think for a moment that people are going to let a little thing like you not seeing the guy anymore stop the great coupon debate of 2013.


----------



## Holland

I thinking of getting the ex a coupon from the kids for Fathers Day coming up. We have known each other for over 20 years so it should be fine.

I tend to not spend more than $50 for Fathers Day for him so for that I should be able to get a nice dinner out for him and the kids or tickets to an event. He doesn't need or want "stuff" so dinner or an activity works well.


----------



## Holland

I'm thinking of getting the ex a coupon from the kids for Fathers Day coming up. We have known each other for over 20 years so it should be fine.

I tend to not spend more than $50 for Fathers Day for him so for that I should be able to get a nice dinner out for him and the kids or tickets to an event. He doesn't need or want "stuff" so dinner or an activity works well.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

samyeagar said:


> All things about safety and blah blah blah aside, my STBW invited me over to her house and she cooked me dinner on our first date.
> 
> She did it for a couple of reasons. The main one was that she did not want me to spend one penny on her. We had known each other for a little while before this, and spent hours talking about everything under the sun. *She knew just how badly I was used as an ATM by my ex-wife and did not want to come off that way in the slightest. She also didn't have the money to afford a nice dinner out for the two of us, so she cooked dinner for me.*


Love your post Samyeagar ! I could see me doing this so easily... It truly is more about the concern of the other person, given their personal circumstances, also shows some good communication before getting together..

... Impressing someone is just not the same as what you describe here... I see more  in this...which is more the type of things I personally look for... someone "skilled" at dating would not necessarily impress me either.


----------



## Wiserforit

that_girl said:


> And first impressions don't matter? :lol: People fool themselves.


Captain obvious. 

What's bizarre is thinking only one side knows this. The side harping on what bad form it is has thus far not actually explained what it is that makes it bad form or offensive. 

"First impressions matter" is not a REASON why this makes a bad first impression. It's proof to me the people saying it don't actually know why it makes a bad first impression. And plenty have given testimony it would be a good impression based on demonstrating thrift. 


I cry foul on leaving off all of the information about what made these two incompatible in the opinion of the OP from the first date. Because those were obviously important, and if she concluded they were incompatible on that basis, then logically so did he. 

Looked doomed from the outset on reasons not having much to do with coupon use.


----------



## tennisstar

I had a similar experience several years ago. On the first date, the man used a coupon, even though I offered to pay or go Dutch. I decided to not pass judgment and continued to date him for a few months. During that time, coupons ruled our dating life. If he was paying (I paid about half the time), he would only agree to go to restaurants where he had coupons. Sometimes these were places I didn't want to go, but if I suggested another place and he didn't have a coupon, no way. After a while, it started bothering me. I was fine with him being frugal, but it got to the point of cheap. The final straw was one evening when we went to a burger joint and he insisted we share a burger to save money. I told him I wanted my own burger and was fine paying for the meal, but he insisted we share. I was done after that. I didn't want to spend my life with a cheapskate.

I think some of you are confusing the whole deal of using coupons on a first date versus with a longtime partner or spouse. Totally different things. I think first dates are about making impressions and using a coupon doesn't do that well. I'm not saying to be fake....but using a coupon on the first date just seems to give off the wrong impression. 

For those suggesting the OP is a princess etc, she said she offered to go Dutch. I think some of you are jumping to conclusions based on your own bad experiences.

Like I said, I'm all for using coupons. My husband and I use coupons all the time. They are a great way to save money. But on a first date....sorry, reminds me of the cheapskate I dated. And before anyone calls me a princess, entitled, etc, I am married to a man earning much less than I and I share our money with no regard to who earned it. I've always paid half the time when dating years ago and never felt a man owed me dinner or anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bbird1

*Re: Coupon on first date??*



ManOhMan2013 said:


> *Yes, it's tacky. This guy is a cheapskate. This is the tip of the iceberg! I'm sorry for being so negative. But I have known these types of people. They can't help it. They are cheap! Perhaps frugal is a nicer way of putting it. If he's this "frugal" on his first date it will only get worse. Sorry. But that's how I feel. He will FOREVER be counting pennies every step of the way!!! BUYER BE WARNED!!! LOL*


Ask my wife who would tell you frugal is not cheap nor bad. We own our home and bought it cash, my kids all have college funds and not a single NEED of hers has gone unanswered. 

There is a big difference between NEEDS and WANTS and we have talked about all her wants and she has agreed some were not worth the expense while others she desired. We take vacations to ANYWHERE she wants to go and no expense is spared for creature comforts ever. We do not fly first class because it's not worth the money for most flights. Except when traveling long distances like to Hawaii, China, Europe we flew first class for those (longer than 6 hours). However the brand new BMW? She got a used one with 12,000 miles on it for half the price. Is that cheap? No it's wise. Let some other fool throw away their money on new and lose half the cars value in 24 months. 

Her retirement is secure. She is a stay at home mom but I saved in an IRA and a ROTH IRA as well every year the maximum plus that you are allowed. She will never worry about finances ever because I have cared for that at every turn. I would not be a MAN if i allowed my loyal stay at home mom and I leave her with nothing if something happened to me? Not on my watch.

(And by the way she choose to stay home and that is the most important job any mother can do. It's also generally the most thankless because other women are like you don't work? In reality you work harder than they do generally speaking.)

Never judge a book by the cover. You will miss the golden story just beneath it. I say to those who say RUN! Your mistake enjoy the beating from mister bad boy or the financial destitute from mister throws it away needlessly. Saving 10% or more on a meal first date or not is not cheap but wise. Saving money for tomorrow is frugal but it is also wise that the ant saves his money where the grasshopper plays and wastes his.


----------



## Caribbean Man

*Re: Coupon on first date??*



bbird1 said:


> *Never judge a book by the cover. You will miss the golden story just beneath it.*


My point exactly.
Had I judged my wife by her initial, outdated , beliefs, I would have missed out on a lifetime of happiness.

BTW. Your wife sounds like mine. 
She's the frugal one, I'm the one who loves to take risks. [ We own a business.]
She hates debt but because of that, we're debt free, and still live a comfortable life.


----------



## Holland

*Re: Coupon on first date??*



bbird1 said:


> Ask my wife who would tell you frugal is not cheap nor bad. We own our home and bought it cash, my kids all have college funds and not a single NEED of hers has gone unanswered.
> 
> There is a big difference between NEEDS and WANTS and we have talked about all her wants and she has agreed some were not worth the expense while others she desired. We take vacations to ANYWHERE she wants to go and no expense is spared for creature comforts ever. We do not fly first class because it's not worth the money for most flights. Except when traveling long distances like to Hawaii, China, Europe we flew first class for those (longer than 6 hours). However the brand new BMW? She got a used one with 12,000 miles on it for half the price. Is that cheap? No it's wise. Let some other fool throw away their money on new and lose half the cars value in 24 months.
> 
> Her retirement is secure. She is a stay at home mom but I saved in an IRA and a ROTH IRA as well every year the maximum plus that you are allowed. She will never worry about finances ever because I have cared for that at every turn. I would not be a MAN if i allowed my loyal stay at home mom and I leave her with nothing if something happened to me? Not on my watch.
> 
> (And by the way she choose to stay home and that is the most important job any mother can do. It's also generally the most thankless because other women are like you don't work? In reality you work harder than they do generally speaking.)
> 
> *Never judge a book by the cover. You will miss the golden story just beneath it. I say to those who say RUN! Your mistake enjoy the beating from mister bad boy or the financial destitute from mister throws it away needlessly.* Saving 10% or more on a meal first date or not is not cheap but wise. Saving money for tomorrow is frugal but it is also wise that the ant saves his money where the grasshopper plays and wastes his.


Are you seriously saying that people that prefer to not use coupons on first dates are likely to be abusive and financially inept? Come on, now that is a long bow to draw. Too funny.


----------



## Thundarr

We're probably all thinking of different scenarios anyway.
- First date with someone you already know? Use a coupon. Not a big deal.
- First date with someone you don't know yet? Don't use a coupon.

At least that would be a determining factor to me.


----------



## bbird1

Caribbean Man said:


> Suppose the guy was well dressed , neat and clean, had proper manners , treated her respectfully, made her laugh, smile and she felt comfortable with him.
> Suppose he did everything perfectly on that first date , except that he paid with a coupon.
> 
> Would it still be tacky?
> 
> That , IMO is the real issue.
> 
> She's not compatible with this guy.
> No use adjusting her * expectations * to meet him.
> Maybe she should find a man who can afford and is willing to pay with his credit card on the first date
> 
> And maybe he would find a sweet girl who's really into him., and loves him for what he is.
> 
> No complex, differential calculus there!


She basically inferred the rest was fine because the date 'went well until" the coupon that is. So yes this is all about the coupon and not his clothing, hair, car, anything. Basically the way I take it is all else was fine except.


----------



## bbird1

*Re: Coupon on first date??*



Holland said:


> Are you seriously saying that people that prefer to not use coupons on first dates are likely to be abusive and financially inept? Come on, now that is a long bow to draw. Too funny.


No but a person may use a coupon for a reason and others prefer to maintain an image that maybe above their ability to pay. I knew many guys who used to go on dates, pay everything but they also lived hand to mouth. 20+ years later they are still hand to mouth every last one of them. Are all this way? Nope again books and covers. I am pointing out the obvious she might be missing out on a great catch or her instincts maybe right. But her ONLY complaint about the date was the coupon. I find that judgmental and tacky.


----------



## bbird1

Thundarr said:


> We're probably all thinking of different scenarios anyway.
> - First date with someone you already know? Use a coupon. Not a big deal.
> - First date with someone you don't know yet? Don't use a coupon.
> 
> At least that would be a determining factor to me.


And if i had been one of your dates you'd have missed out on a life of financial security. /shrug

Your lose judging the book by the cover. /smh


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Thought I'd ask my husband this question the other night ..... he told me he WOULDN'T use a coupon on the 1st date ... he understands that could leave an unfavorable impression on a woman's mind. 

Me , however, being the date, would think nothing at all of it whipping one out and insisting it be used. 

I know him well enough to know -he'd give his last dime to a girl he was crazy about... he took me shopping at the Mall for clothes not long after we met...a little to impress ..sure...but it was more because he felt I wasn't being treated right at home..... He was very good to me ...I didn't take advantage of that..If we'd go out to eat, I would always be careful to get something low price...even though I didn't have to... I remember feeling very cared for.


----------



## samyeagar

SimplyAmorous said:


> Thought I'd ask my husband this question the other night ..... he told me he WOULDN'T use a coupon on the 1st date ... he understands that could leave an unfavorable impression on a woman's mind.
> 
> Me , however, being the date, would think nothing at all of it whipping one out and insisting it be used.
> 
> I know him well enough to know -he'd give his last dime to a girl he was crazy about... he took me shopping at the Mall for clothes not long after we met...a little to impress ..sure...but it was more because he felt I wasn't being treated right at home..... He was very good to me ...*I didn't take advantage of that..If we'd go out to eat, I would always be careful to get something low price...even though I didn't have to... *I remember feeling very cared for.


My STBW is very much the same way. I'd give her every last penny I have because she is such a good steward of everything I give to our relationship, material and emotional.

ETA: I wouldn't use a coupon on the first date either, and my STBW...yeah, she'd be the one to take it out and tell me to use it


----------



## SimplyAmorous

samyeagar said:


> My STBW is very much the same way. I'd give her every last penny I have because she is such a good steward of everything I give to our relationship, material and emotional.
> 
> ETA: I wouldn't use a coupon on the first date either, and my STBW...yeah, she'd be the one to take it out and tell me to use it


Of course! I am so not surprised by this...the parallel continues.....Your posts always make me  Samyeagar !


----------



## GA HEART

This is funny! I actually giggled! 

I suppose I can see both sides of the coin......but personally, I feel like the first impression was already probably not the best for this to bother you, OP. Because I guess I can't understand how an awesome date would come to a screeching halt if a man whips out his.......COUPON! LOL!

But if I already was feeling annoyed by him, I would probably let that annoy me too. *shrug*


----------



## Chelle D

I can imagine some of you single folks out here posting in the "great coupon debate of 2013"... Are you all gonna try this?

See if He/She dumps you on a first date because of the coupon? (post replies what happens if you do!)

Of course, I'm not talking about a coupon that says "Good for one free xxxxxx" (Kiss, hug, dance, massage, oral, sex act... etc)


----------



## Wiserforit

tennisstar said:


> I think first dates are about making impressions and using a coupon doesn't do that well.


A relentless stream of people who are incapable of explaining WHY it is a bad impression. 

Everyone knows it was a first date. Pretending others don't know that is proof that an intelligent conversation is impossible with them. They're talking to some imaginary idiot instead of you.


----------



## that_girl

I think it would just make me wonder what the person is cheap about or what they choose to use coupons on.

I couldn't be with someone who used coupons for everything...meaning, if they didn't have the coupon, they wouldn't do what we wanted to do. 

That's just me. Saving money is great. But some things are worth the extra bucks.


----------



## that_girl

I think it would just make me wonder what the person is cheap about or what they choose to use coupons on.

I couldn't be with someone who used coupons for everything...meaning, if they didn't have the coupon, they wouldn't do what we wanted to do. 

That's just me. Saving money is great. But some things are worth the extra bucks.


----------



## Thundarr

bbird1 said:


> And if i had been one of your dates you'd have missed out on a life of financial security. /shrug
> 
> Your lose judging the book by the cover. /smh


I don't think I'm judging anyone else. I'm just choosing my own conduct. I would feel awkward using a coupon myself on the first date with someone I didn't already know so I wouldn't use one. If my date was paying however and decided to use a coupon then I'd assume they thought it was normal. Probably wouldn't think twice about it.

But yes I personally would choose not to use a coupon on the first date with someone I didn't already know if I were paying.


----------



## Thundarr

SimplyAmorous said:


> Thought I'd ask my husband this question the other night ..... he told me he WOULDN'T use a coupon on the 1st date ... he understands that could leave an unfavorable impression on a woman's mind.
> 
> Me , however, being the date, would think nothing at all of it whipping one out and insisting it be used.
> 
> I know him well enough to know -he'd give his last dime to a girl he was crazy about... he took me shopping at the Mall for clothes not long after we met...a little to impress ..sure...but it was more because he felt I wasn't being treated right at home..... He was very good to me ...I didn't take advantage of that..If we'd go out to eat, I would always be careful to get something low price...even though I didn't have to... I remember feeling very cared for.


I wanted to like this comment more than once. Your husband just wanted to make sure you knew he thought you were special. He didnt' want to send any mixed signals. At least in his mind he felt like using a coupon on the first date might have sent a mixed signal (I'm speculating that). That's pretty much my thoughts on it as well. When single, if I went on a date then it was because I thought the date might be a person who would become special to me. Of course that becomes apparent at some point but only if there's a second date and third, etc.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Thundarr said:


> I wanted to like this comment more than once. Your husband just wanted to make sure you knew he thought you were special. He didnt' want to send any mixed signals. At least in his mind he felt like using a coupon on the first date might have sent a mixed signal (I'm speculating that). That's pretty much my thoughts on it as well. When single, if I went on a date then it was because I thought the date might be a person who would become special to me. Of course that becomes apparent at some point but only if there's a second date and third, etc.


Well we skipped the coupons, eating out, even the car.....What was *our 1st date*......me sneaking out on back country roads - to meet him & ride our bikes to his little town, hoping no one would see me..... I met his parents & I got to eat sauce & Meatballs at their dinner table..... they were so nice to me/ treated me like part of the family.... and I remember thinking to myself.. his dad was Kinda Cute... and those meatballs was the best I ever tasted.


----------



## Wiserforit

that_girl said:


> I think it would just make me wonder what the person is cheap about or what they choose to use coupons on.
> 
> I couldn't be with someone who used coupons for everything...meaning, if they didn't have the coupon, they wouldn't do what we wanted to do.
> .


So you can't bring yourself to ask when you wonder? You make the worst assumption possible instead?


----------



## Thundarr

SimplyAmorous said:


> Well we skipped the coupons, eating out, even the car.....What was *our 1st date*......me sneaking out on back country roads - to meet him & ride our bikes to his little town, hoping no one would see me..... I met his parents & I got to eat sauce & Meatballs at their dinner table..... they were so nice to me/ treated me like part of the family.... and I remember thinking to myself.. his dad was Kinda Cute... and those meatballs was the best I ever tasted.


You ate at "mom and pops" family restaurant. How could you not fall for this guy .


----------



## Holland

Wiserforit said:


> A relentless stream of people who are incapable of explaining WHY it is a bad impression.
> 
> Everyone knows it was a first date. Pretending others don't know that is proof that an intelligent conversation is impossible with them. They're talking to some imaginary idiot instead of you.


Yeah, I'll play. For me, I want to know a guy can afford a certain lifestyle. One that isn't frugal due to need. A man that is frugal because he chooses is fine, but if he has to be frugal because he cannot afford a similar lifestyle to me, well he is of no interest to me. Honest enough?

ETA and if he is playing a silly game to see if I am not just after his money then he is of not interest to me. Not interested in tests or game playing.


----------



## Caribbean Man

lol,

I don't think I would even want a first date with a woman who was only interested in seeing if I could afford a " certain lifestyle."

On our first date, my wife took me out and she paid.
She spent just about $10.00 on that date.
We walked to the venue and walked back.
The venue was a nearby produce market , and she bought grapes , bananas and watermelon.
It was a Saturday night, and we sat on the bleachers in the playing field and had a great evening.
Every , single time I go to that fresh produce market now, I remember our
" first date."
She was very frugal.
Today , 18 years later she still is frugal, and we can afford to 
" live a certain lifestyle."
In fact,
We are living that lifestyle.


----------



## bobbieb65

Maybe he wasn't that into her so he used the coupon knowing that it might not be received well and would end things there. Then, when he asked for a second date and to his surprise she said yes, that's when phase two began. Why would a guy who liked someone ask them out for lunch on their 2nd date??? Don't you start with lunch and move onto dinner, not the other way around.

When she accepted the lunch date that's when he started to scale it back to just "a talk". An inexperienced dater, I think not. After all, he was letting her down easy....or should I say making it easier for her to reject him.


----------



## lenzi

bobbieb65 said:


> Maybe he wasn't that into her so he used the coupon knowing that it might not be received well and would end things there. Then, when he asked for a second date and to his surprise she said yes, that's when phase two began.


Quite the theory.

If he wasn't into her why not just say to her, "You're very nice but I didn't feel a click" rather than go to all that coupon trouble and asking her out for yet another date?



bobbieb65 said:


> Why would a guy who liked someone ask them out for lunch on their 2nd date??? Don't you start with lunch and move onto dinner, not the other way around.


Maybe he had a free afternoon in an otherwise busy schedule?

I wouldn't necessarily 'start with lunch and move onto dinner'. 

I usually start off with a quick first meetup that doesn't even qualify as a meal or a date because of all the deceptive people out there, but if we click, the second date can be virtually anything.


----------



## Wiserforit

Thundarr said:


> Your husband just wanted to make sure you knew he thought you were special.


Right. So he spent zero, had his parents both buy and prepare the food, and made her ride a bike. You can't get any cheaper than that. 

I am feeling an awful lot of beta out of the guys who are too afraid to use a coupon. 

The irony is that it seems to be coming from those that like pick-up artist propaganda where instead of making the woman feel special, you put her down; attack her self esteem with neg theory; make her jealous by flirting with other women, etc. 

My impression is that it is the fear of how you will look, not concern over the woman being made to feel special. Namely, the fear of looking like you are poor. That fear is being covered in noble intentions.


----------



## Wiserforit

Holland said:


> Yeah, I'll play. For me, I want to know a guy can afford a certain lifestyle. One that isn't frugal due to need. A man that is frugal because he chooses is fine, but if he has to be frugal because he cannot afford a similar lifestyle to me, well he is of no interest to me. Honest enough?


Look how irrational that is. You spend over an hour with someone on a date, that you also know some things about beforehand (nobody said BLIND date). 

It takes very little time in casual conversation to know a person's educational background and work. It is one of the very first things we learn about people, before we even date them. 

Instead of taking that straightforward information directly, it is all ignored in favor of this coupon use, as if the coupon was better information than knowing whether he was a brain surgeon vs. an unemployed, uneducated loser.


----------



## COGypsy

To me, a key element of dating is the wooing. Making each other feel special. Busting out a coupon on the first date implies that you are more concerned with saving money or getting a deal than in pleasing your companion. I base that on the admitted assumption that one is selecting the restaurant based on having a coupon and/or making selections based on the terms of the coupon, rather than on the preferences or interests of their date. 

It seems to me that it would be kind of like inviting someone over for a homecooked meal and making Hamburger Helper. Sure, Hamburger Helper may be a perfectly suitable weeknight quick dinner, but it conveys an impression of throwing together something at the last minute. Again, I am admittedly making the assumption that one who invites someone else for dinner has the skill to at least make the hamburger into a meatloaf or spaghetti and meatballs rather than adding meat and water to a box of preservatives.

If you really want to use that coupon, make a second date is my advice.


----------



## Maricha75

bobbieb65 said:


> Maybe he wasn't that into her so he used the coupon knowing that it might not be received well and would end things there. Then, when he asked for a second date and to his surprise she said yes, that's when phase two began. *Why would a guy who liked someone ask them out for lunch on their 2nd date??? Don't you start with lunch and move onto dinner, not the other way around.*
> 
> When she accepted the lunch date that's when he started to scale it back to just "a talk". An inexperienced dater, I think not. After all, he was letting her down easy....or should I say making it easier for her to reject him.


Both dates were lunch. They didn't go out to dinner. And I can see 1st and 2nd dates both being lunch, very easily, if accommodating busy schedules.


----------



## Thundarr

Wiserforit said:


> Right. So he spent zero, had his parents both buy and prepare the food, and made her ride a bike. You can't get any cheaper than that.
> 
> I am feeling an awful lot of beta out of the guys who are too afraid to use a coupon.
> 
> The irony is that it seems to be coming from those that like pick-up artist propaganda where instead of making the woman feel special, you put her down; attack her self esteem with neg theory; make her jealous by flirting with other women, etc.
> 
> My impression is that it is the fear of how you will look, not concern over the woman being made to feel special. Namely, the fear of looking like you are poor. That fear is being covered in noble intentions.


I think he did what he was able to do at the time. Sounds like they weren't driving yet so I'm not sure why you even brought it up as a point. Maybe you didnt' read her prior post.

I don't understand why you're trying to antagonise everyone. Seems like you're angry at anyone who hasn't changed their opinion based on your argument or you've decided fear is the only reason someone would avoid FDC (yea it's worthy of an acronym after this many pages). I'm sure you understand people make personal choices for more reasons than fear. Respect for things we consider respectful for example is one.

Somehow you've linked beta, PUA propaganda, putting women down, attacking self esteem, jealousy, flirting, and fear to using a coupon on the first date. Maybe you have some ax to grind that's not really thread related. Feel free to PM me and just say what you think. I'll PM you back in kind.


----------



## Holland

Wiserforit said:


> Look how irrational that is. You spend over an hour with someone on a date, that you also know some things about beforehand (nobody said BLIND date).
> 
> It takes very little time in casual conversation to know a person's educational background and work. It is one of the very first things we learn about people, before we even date them.
> 
> Instead of taking that straightforward information directly, it is all ignored in favor of this coupon use, as if the coupon was better information than knowing whether he was a brain surgeon vs. an unemployed, uneducated loser.


You asked a question and you don't like the answer. I'm not going to change the answer to suit anyone but me.

It isn't irrational at all, it is just another piece of the puzzle when getting to know someone. Just because i have different criteria for a partner than you means absolutely zero except we have different criteria. I am very happy with my criteria.


----------



## Wiserforit

Holland said:


> You asked a question and you don't like the answer. I'm not going to change the answer to suit anyone but me.


I do not wish you to change your opinion. 

I noticed you did not address the fact we both know things about the person before we go out with them (like occupation) and that we spend a whole date getting to know them even better. Occupation is vastly more informative on income than a coupon is. Or whethe they have an ex-wife with seven children implying heavy child support payments. 




*Thundarr* I have said exactly what I think. I do not wish you to change your opinion either. This is recreation to me. 


I agree with not dismissing irrational human behavior. Some people look upon other religions as irrational, stupid, and even evil. But saying so while in the home of a relative, business associate, political ally or whatever would be foolish.


----------



## bunny23

I think with the recession and the whole deal sites phenomenon the coupon isn't that big of a deal.

Most people, even if not totally strapped for finances, are trying to save some money and be secure.

I would rather date a guy who uses coupons then someone who puts everything on a credit card that they will not pay off.

Did you maybe just feel a bit weird just because you are not used to men doing that? Or maybe a bit guilty that you could've gone to a cheaper place instead?


----------



## Holland

Wiserforit said:


> I do not wish you to change your opinion.
> 
> *I noticed you did not address the fact we both know things about the person before we go out with them (like occupation) and that we spend a whole date getting to know them even better. Occupation is vastly more informative on income than a coupon is. Or whethe they have an ex-wife with seven children implying heavy child support payments. *
> 
> ..........


Yes I agree about knowing things before going out, occupation etc and that is all important information. I did say to me the coupon (which of course is all hypothetical talk as it has never actually happened to me) is just another part of the puzzle, another piece of information. 

I think being frugal is a good trait, I am and so is my partner. The difference in my world is between a man that is frugal because he has to be or because he wants to be.


----------



## Thundarr

bunny23 said:


> I think with the recession and the whole deal sites phenomenon the coupon isn't that big of a deal.
> 
> Most people, even if not totally strapped for finances, are trying to save some money and be secure.


Good point bunny. Adapting to the current times is important. I was first dating in the early eighties and then again in the early nineties. That was pre-2008 and recession and a lot of other stuff.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Thundarr said:


> Good point bunny. Adapting to the current times is important. I was first dating in the early eighties and then again in the early nineties. That was pre-2008 and recession and a lot of other stuff.


When my wife and I were dating, our country was in deep recession.
Everyone , even the well to do was frugal because they had to be frugal.
That's why I think I can understand the young man's position.

With my wife and I, now we can afford and sometimes do spend upwards of US$200.00 on a dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Times change and people can change with the times.


----------



## Is It Just Me

This may possibly be the most circular and strange thread I've ever seen in all my time of lurking on TAM. That's saying a lot!


----------



## Deejo

*Re: Re: Coupon on first date?*



Is It Just Me said:


> This may possibly be the most circular and strange thread I've ever seen in all my time of lurking on TAM. That's saying a lot!


And its got nothing to do with penis size, anal sex or threesomes. I can't figure it out either.

Here is what we do know. Captain Coupon decided he didnt want to spend a dime on the second date ... and that was the end of that.

Everything else is bias and projection. Not that theres anything wrong with that ...


----------



## Maricha75

Deejo said:


> *And its got nothing to do with penis size, anal sex or threesomes.* I can't figure it out either.
> 
> Here is what we do know. Captain Coupon decided he didnt want to spend a dime on the second date ... and that was the end of that.
> 
> Everything else is bias and projection. Not that theres anything wrong with that ...


Give it time. Nearly every thread breaks down into those "discussions".


----------



## Caribbean Man

@ Dejoo.,

Lol, " _Captain Coupon_..":rofl:


----------



## Starstarfish

I realized now that apparently "Use a Coupon" wasn't one of the tips in "How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days."


----------



## Maricha75

Starstarfish said:


> I realized now that apparently "Use a Coupon" wasn't one of the tips in "How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days."


Well, no, but then, they were compiling a list of things girls do that turn the men off. The men were doing things to woo a girl. Coupons, apparently, weren't on anyone's radar then.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Maricha75 said:


> Well, no, but then, they were compiling a list of things girls do that turn the men off. The men were doing things to *woo a girl*. Coupons, apparently, weren't on anyone's radar then.


I'm guessing this isn't what you had in mind ...

Ric Flair woo off - YouTube

Just thought I'd sink this thread to even lower levels, lol


----------



## tennisstar

Wiserforit said:


> A relentless stream of people who are incapable of explaining WHY it is a bad impression.
> 
> Everyone knows it was a first date. Pretending others don't know that is proof that an intelligent conversation is impossible with them. They're talking to some imaginary idiot instead of you.


Really? I relate an experience I have and because I didn't explain my viewpoint as you saw fit, you attack? I expressed my opinion. You are certainly entitled to yours. I didn't put yours down, but you had to spout off about the lack of intelligent conversations and idiots. What the heck?

So let me explain...I think using a coupon on a first date conveys it isn't anything special. I would like to think of a first date as special and something to remember. 

I think you have the right to your opinion, but I believe the rules of this site prohibit users from attacking each other. Wise, that seems to be your MO on these forums. I'm not sure why, unless we are all idiots and you have to make sure we know that. People can have different opinions and disagree respectfully.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chelle D

Deejo said:


> And its got nothing to do with penis size, anal sex or threesomes. I can't figure it out either.
> 
> Here is what we do know. Captain Coupon decided he didnt want to spend a dime on the second date ... and that was the end of that.
> 
> Everything else is bias and projection. Not that theres anything wrong with that ...


Okay, I'll bite. So, HOW large was this coupon???
Was it so big that he was overcompensating for a small.... 

Or just a wee little cheap coupon, and user was very confident that the size of his shlong would make up for the meager amount of money spent on the date?


----------



## Caribbean Man

Here comes the equalizer.

Lets flip the script.
Suppose the OP was a man and the " Captain Coupon " was a woman.
Let's say she invited him out on the the date and paid with a coupon.

What would that say about her ?
Would it be view in the same way?
Would it be a good indicates that she was a cheapskate , and that he should avoid her?


----------



## Starstarfish

See, but then I begin to debate - is the problem the coupon, or the fact that he let her know she was going to use one? IE - is it the coupon use itself or the knowledge of the coupon use?

It's like that question - is something only illegal if you are caught?

If he's simply slid the bill of the table, put his credit card inside, slipped the coupon in there (most restauarants use those leather credit/bill holder things) and gone on his way. Maybe the mistake here wasn't the coupon, it was being "Beta" and asking for permission.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Starstarfish said:


> See, but then I begin to debate - is the problem the coupon, or the fact that he let her know she was going to use one? IE - is it the coupon use itself or the knowledge of the coupon use?
> 
> It's like that question - is something only illegal if you are caught?
> 
> If he's simply slid the bill of the table, put his credit card inside, slipped the coupon in there (most restauarants use those leather credit/bill holder things) and gone on his way. Maybe the mistake here wasn't the coupon, it was being "Beta" and asking for permission.


:iagree:

Hence the need to do a " comparative analysis."


----------



## Kimberley17

I can't believe this thread is still going. He also had his money and credit cards in a rubber band rather than a wallet. I thought that was odd. Date number 2 was the end as we are not a good fit and not for the coupon use. We just aren't right for each other.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Ok.
But I also keep my money and cards in a money clip.
I have a very expensive leather wallet that was bought for me, but I've never used it because I hate wallets.
But that's just me.

Some men just don't like wallets. They tend to bulge.


----------



## Kimberley17

Caribbean Man said:


> Ok.
> But I also keep my money and cards in a money clip.
> I have a very expensive leather wallet that was bought for me, but I've never used it because I hate wallets.
> But that's just me.
> 
> Some men just don't like wallets. They tend to bulge.


I can totally understand using a money clip but a rubber band?? And he also had a mickey mouse cell phone cover. Am I nitpicking now? I'm happy there won't be date #3. I'm not for him..


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Kimberley17 said:


> I can totally understand using a money clip but a rubber band?? And he also had a mickey mouse cell phone cover. Am I nitpicking now? I'm happy there won't be date #3. I'm not for him..


Ok, a mickey mouse cell phone cover is just plain weird.


----------



## RandomDude

LOL funny thread

No wallet? Where does he put his coins?


----------



## SoxFan

First dates are all about first impressions. The use of the coupon can give the impression to some people that you are cheap but maybe to others that you are a good steward with your money.

Not using a coupon would not seem out of the norm to a date where using one could turn some people off so I'd have left it in my pocket especially on a first date.

Seems like there were enough red flags with this guy for Kimberly to cut him lose so maybe the great first date coupon debate can end.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Kimberley17 said:


> I can totally understand using a money clip but a rubber band?? And he also had a mickey mouse cell phone cover. Am I nitpicking now? I'm happy there won't be date #3. I'm not for him..


Well if you just didn't click with him then no problem in moving on.
But what I'm saying is the criteria you are using to judge him may not be a good or a fair one, and it may sabotage your future dating and relationship prospects in ways you might never know.

My wife bought me an iphone years ago , and she also bought a cover with a rainbow of cotton candy colours because she thinks its "cute" just like hers. I kinda like it too. What does my cellphone cover say about me?

See?

If he paid with cash or credit card, and had a Farrari cellphone cover , what would that have " earned " him?

See again?

Dating is much more than outside appearances. It's about getting to know that someone on the inside.
Even though you don't end up being with that person, at least you would have made a friend.
The chemistry and sex are just the icing on the cake , not the cake itself.


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## Maricha75

RandomDude said:


> LOL funny thread
> 
> No wallet? Where does he put his coins?


:scratchhead:

Coins? In a wallet? Maybe wallets are different there... my husband's wallet will NOT hold coins. Coins go in his pocket.


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## that_girl

Maybe he didn't have a coupon for a wallet or money clip. lolol.


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## RandomDude

Maricha75 said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Coins? In a wallet? Maybe wallets are different there... my husband's wallet will NOT hold coins. Coins go in his pocket.


:scratchhead:

Last time I did that the coins end up being dropped randomly here and there everytime I sat my ass down somewhere...

And after a while the coins got heavy enough to make a hole in my pocket and drop down my pants!


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## JustSomeGuyWho

I think of it as a secret savings account for my kids. When it's time to clean under the couch, I lift it up and tell the kids ... pickup everything and the coins are yours.

_Posted via *Topify* using Android_


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## Chelle D

Maybe if he would have foregone the rubber band... The "bulge" in the pants (even from a wallet) might have been a deciding factor for date #3.... hmmmmm... 

Oh, maybe not..... That buldge might be a roll of coupons in his pocket!LOL..


"Hey Honey,.... are those coupons in your pants, or are you glad to see me??"""


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## Kimberley17

that_girl said:


> Maybe he didn't have a coupon for a wallet or money clip. lolol.


Now that's funny!!!


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## treyvion

Chelle D said:


> Maybe if he would have foregone the rubber band... The "bulge" in the pants (even from a wallet) might have been a deciding factor for date #3.... hmmmmm...
> 
> Oh, maybe not..... That buldge might be a roll of coupons in his pocket!LOL..
> 
> 
> "Hey Honey,.... are those coupons in your pants, or are you glad to see me??"""



Well honey, i didn't want to alarm you. But some get worried.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

Starstarfish said:


> See, but then I begin to debate - is the problem the coupon, or the fact that he let her know she was going to use one? IE - is it the coupon use itself or the knowledge of the coupon use?
> 
> It's like that question - is something only illegal if you are caught?
> 
> If he's simply slid the bill of the table, put his credit card inside, slipped the coupon in there (most restauarants use those leather credit/bill holder things) and gone on his way. Maybe the mistake here wasn't the coupon, it was being "Beta" and asking for permission.


I agree. The guy did not need to hide anything, but the faux paux is drawing attention to it. Asking if what he was doing was ok in this case was weak.


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## PBear

I'm in the group that can't believe this thread is still going on. But here's my take on why it's tacky.

To me, using a coupon says to my date "I kinda like you and wanted to have a nice dinner with you. But if I didn't have this coupon, we'd be eating down the street at McDonald's instead of here. Because that's all a couple of hours in your company is worth to me."

I'm fine with saving money and being financially responsible. But you only get one chance to make that first impression, and I would make the effort to show my date that she's special to me. And I never had that many "first dates" that it was that big a deal to splurge a little. If the extra $10 is going to make that big of a difference in your balance sheet at the end of the month, you've got bigger issues than whether your date thinks you're cheap or not. 

C


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Kimberley17 said:


> I can totally understand using a money clip but a rubber band?? And he also had a mickey mouse cell phone cover. Am I nitpicking now? I'm happy there won't be date #3. I'm not for him..


The rubber band wouldn't bug me, but the Mickey Mouse phone cover would. I'm all for supporting likes and hobbies that I'm not fond of, but cartoon characters just plain bug me. Especially along the lines of Mickey Mouse and the Muppets. Especially if they wore clothing of the characters too.

Good luck finding mr. right for the future. Dating sucks period.


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## Chelle D

Hey .... Kimberley17 (or anyone that want's an "out")..

Okay, so we now know... If you're out on a first date, and you can already tell that it's going south.. that you know you don't want to put in the effort to put out a good first impression...

Keep a good supply of coupons on hand.. So, you can say "OH!, I have a coupon for that... I found it in my car on the way over!" Just so that you can give a bad first impression & get out of dating that person again.


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## Entropy3000

PBear said:


> I'm in the group that can't believe this thread is still going on. But here's my take on why it's tacky.
> 
> To me, using a coupon says to my date "I kinda like you and wanted to have a nice dinner with you. But if I didn't have this coupon, we'd be eating down the street at McDonald's instead of here. Because that's all a couple of hours in your company is worth to me."
> 
> I'm fine with saving money and being financially responsible. But you only get one chance to make that first impression, and I would make the effort to show my date that she's special to me. And I never had that many "first dates" that it was that big a deal to splurge a little. If the extra $10 is going to make that big of a difference in your balance sheet at the end of the month, you've got bigger issues than whether your date thinks you're cheap or not.
> 
> C


I guess some guys need to worry about this. But she is getting my full attention. My time and my focus. I am picking up the tab. If she is into me she will not care one bit. Also if it matters to her, she needs to get over herself anyway and is not really the kind of woman I would care to date. Too petty. Entitled even. My time and attention is what I am bringing. If it is make or breal based on something like this I say good riddance. She should be so taken with me that she would not care. Ego? Perhaps. But I am being pragmatic.


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## Entropy3000

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> The rubber band wouldn't bug me, but the Mickey Mouse phone cover would. I'm all for supporting likes and hobbies that I'm not fond of, but cartoon characters just plain bug me. Especially along the lines of Mickey Mouse and the Muppets. Especially if they wore clothing of the characters too.
> 
> Good luck finding mr. right for the future. Dating sucks period.


I find all of this added information entertaining and quite hard to believe.


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## Caribbean Man

Chelle D said:


> Hey .... Kimberley17 (or anyone that want's an "out")..
> 
> Okay, so we now know... If you're out on a first date, and you can already tell that it's going south.. that you know you don't want to put in the effort to put out a good first impression...
> 
> Keep a good supply of coupons on hand.. So, you can say "OH!, I have a coupon for that... I found it in my car on the way over!" Just so that you can give a bad first impression & get out of dating that person again.



I'm wondering if coupons could also come in handy for those pesky door to door salesmen / saleswomen.
lol,before they start just ask;
_" Do you all accept coupons for that?"_


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## Maricha75

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Last time I did that the coins end up being dropped randomly here and there everytime I sat my ass down somewhere...
> 
> And after a while the coins got heavy enough to make a hole in my pocket and drop down my pants!


Deeper pockets cure that random coin dropping. Just saying.

As for the coins getting too heavy...wtf are you doing? Carrying around $40 in coins??? If you only have a dollar or two in coins, it won't make a hole in your pants... unless they were cheap pants admit it, you bought them on sake with a coupon, didn't you?  )


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## pink_lady

Caribbean Man said:


> My wife bought me an iphone years ago , and she also bought a cover with a rainbow of cotton candy colours because she thinks its "cute" just like hers. I kinda like it too. What does my cellphone cover say about me?
> 
> See?


Your *wife* bought you the cotton candy rainbow iphone cover. What a professional adult male chooses to seek out and purchase for himself is different than what a wife buys for her long-time husband because she thinks it's cute. Just sayin'.


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## that_girl

Mickey Mouse on a grown man's phone is creepy.

He either lives in momma's basement, tries to lure kids with it....or both.

I dunno. I just see that lol.


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## that_girl

It also tells me his mindset. Professional? Not unless he works for Disney.

Oh, he could also be gay. I mean, I know a couple of gay men who LOOOVE Mickey Mouse.


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## Maricha75

pink_lady said:


> Your *wife* bought you the cotton candy rainbow iphone cover. What a professional adult male chooses to seek out and purchase for himself is different than what a wife buys for her long-time husband because she thinks it's cute. Just sayin'.


Or if a young niece said "Get this for Uncle 'Tom'!"... and you use it out of obligation.


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## Chelle D

Oh for goodness sake. Maybe he's a cartoonist by profession, and Walt is his role model & Mickey his fav character.

Soooo... many reasons. 

However.. there's that first impression factor setting in................


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## SugarMonstaa

Lol, a little tacky but not a deal breaker unless he constantly had my cousin's issue.

Every time we'd hang out she'd always make me search for coupons first....


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## Is It Just Me

If there is not a TAM 'Thread Hall of Fame' forum already, there should be made one so this thread could go into it.


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## Chelle D

LOL..

Next time hubby takes me out on a date (ha ha ha ha ha when???) Should I make a coupon that says

Half off ... One free xxxxxxx... 
(Does that mean he only gets half a job?)

Or buy one, get one free?....Hmmm. Of course, I'm 23++ years past the first impression rose.


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## hereinthemidwest

Honest happend to me. A guy asked me out to a local smoke house. Yum I ordered pulled pork sandwich served with slaw and icewater with lemon mine 7.80. He gets FULL rack of ribs two beers throughout the meal and our conversation. I know it was over 20.00

The bills comes he asked me for HALF the bill. I told him I pay for my meal. Smallest bill I had was 20.00 he takes it out of my hands and I was speechless. And he didn't even give me my change back! TRUE STORY First and LAST date. Think he may of road the short bus.


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## that_girl

Too bad you didn't have a coupon.


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## JustSomeGuyWho

hereinthemidwest said:


> Honest happend to me. A guy asked me out to a local smoke house. Yum I ordered pulled pork sandwich served with slaw and icewater with lemon mine 7.80. He gets FULL rack of ribs two beers throughout the meal and our conversation. I know it was over 20.00
> 
> The bills comes he asked me for HALF the bill. I told him I pay for my meal. Smallest bill I had was 20.00 he takes it out of my hands and I was speechless. And he didn't even give me my change back! TRUE STORY First and LAST date. Think he may of road the short bus.


Wow!


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## Interlocutor

WTF, there are still dudes out there that pay the whole bill??? Damn...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

It's the opposite of the person who has to tell you the price of EVERYTHING they've ever bought. Omg. "Like this watch?" "Yes. It's nice." "45.99 on sale". "Uhhhh....ok." 

I hate that too.


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## 2galsmom

No way. Good bye Mr. Coupon. I had one of those, I kid you not! He took me to Burger King and brought a coupon and that was to influence what I could order.


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## JustSomeGuyWho

Maybe he had a matching Mickey Mouse coin purse to go along with his cell phone cover


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## Chelle D

Just checking in to see how the "Great Coupon Date Debate" was going???

I need to find a coupon & take my hubby out!!!!!!!


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## Roselyn

Definitely no coupon on a first date. Simply tacky. There would be no second date for me. Best of luck to you.


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## kristin2349

This is a hilarious zombie thread! If a guy took me to a place that accepted them and used one, I would leave it at that date and pay for my part of the discounted meal. I'm all about being financially responsible but that is too [email protected] much.


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## TRy

Roselyn said:


> Definitely no coupon on a first date. Simply tacky. There would be no second date for me. Best of luck to you.





kristin2349 said:


> This is a hilarious zombie thread! If a guy took me to a place that accepted them and used one, I would leave it at that date and pay for my part of the discounted meal. I'm all about being financially responsible but that is too [email protected] much.


 I would not use a coupon on a first date, but that is because I know just how self entitled many women are today. It is not good enough that the guy pay the bill, but how the guy pays the bill matters LOL!!! As an FYI, my wife sometimes finds coupons that we use at some very high end resultants (yes she is a keeper), and the food tastes just as good as the food given to people without coupons. Now that I think about it, maybe guys should always pay with coupons on the first date as a way to weed out the self entitled ones.


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## Mr.Fisty

kristin2349 said:


> This is a hilarious zombie thread! If a guy took me to a place that accepted them and used one, I would leave it at that date and pay for my part of the discounted meal. I'm all about being financially responsible but that is too [email protected] much.



Great idea! I love me some of those buy one meal and get the other one free. I know a certain mr. that is getting a free meal tomorrow! I hope she brings her wallet!


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## arbitrator

* As long as your date has some working knowledge that you are going to make use of a coupon, or if you discreetly make use of it with the restaurant management, even without your dates knowledge, exactly what difference does it make?

After all, those restaurants are printing up those coupons as well as putting them out on cell phone apps in order to try their best to generate both new and repeat business!

Let's face it! It is not being cheap! Legitimately used, it is being thrifty!*


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## SimplyAmorous

TRy said:


> I would not use a coupon on a first date, but that is because I know just how self entitled many women are today. It is not good enough that the guy pay the bill, but how the guy pays the bill matters LOL!!! As an FYI, my wife sometimes finds coupons that we use at some very high end resultants (yes she is a keeper), and the food tastes just as good as the food given to people without coupons. Now that I think about it, maybe guys should always pay with coupons on the first date as a way to weed out the self entitled ones.


 

I am a woman .. a frugal one at that and I FEEL EXACTLY AS YOU DO.. my posts on this thread reflect that.. its funny because my husband , having brought this subject up -when this thread was ongoing... . anyway.. HE WOULDN'T use a coupon -as he said it would look tacky, he wouldn't want a woman to think he was cheap.. 

But for me....I can think of FAR worse things that would bother me .. in fact. I would see it as a "conversation piece" ... sure the idea would present itself that maybe he is a miser.. but on the other hand... some people are NOT miserly , can even be generous but like to save anywhere they possibly can (this is basically ME).. 

In fact.. if I had a coupon in my purse...I'd offer it to him to save on the meal !...Heck yeah!....so why in the world would I get upset that he used one. .. this seems so God awful trivial to me.. but Yeah.. I'm not normal I guess ....I am also one who insists on water every time we eat out. I'd be a cheap date.. I wouldn't even care if we went out.. it's so much more about the conversation.. the laughing, the chemistry... not the wining & dining, or how he pays for a meal... 

It would look bad if he canceled saying he was broke.. but not using a coupon.. :smile2:


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## EleGirl

I know I said this earlier in the thread, but will repeat.

If the guy is paying for the bill, it's none of my business how he pays it.

However, if he made a big deal about the coupon, I would that that as a sh!t test. I don't have time or energy for that. 

Oh, an I reserve the right to discretely use coupons when I pay for dates.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening
IMHO, the point of a first date is to meet someone and to show them an enjoyable time. Exactly how you pay for dinner, or what dinner costs doesn't see relevant. If I were to date anyone other than my wife, the place I would take them is a wonderful but inexpensive ethnic restaurant near me. The food and service are wonderful, the decor interesting. I would be trying to show that I know how to have an enjoyable / romantic evening, not trying to show off how much $$ I had (as if an expensive dinner were an indication of wealth anyway). If I had a coupon, I'd have not problem using it - but would tip on the full amount.


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## HammersTan

Once I texted with the girl on TenderMeets.com | The Online Dating Website that Really Works and won a coupon in a good cafe for the first dating offline, it was very nice


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## Yeswecan

Nevermind


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## Tdbo

I know this is a zombie thread, however.......
I understand why this woman was divorced
I'll but her ex has a better life now.


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## EleGirl

Zombie thread - closed


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