# "opposites attract", Not!



## sissyphus (Feb 1, 2012)

whoever coined that phrase should be boiled in oil and shot. My wife and I are complete opposites. We don't share the same interests, I'm somewhat organized, she's completely the opposite. doesn't take responsibilities for her actions, but blames me, says that I have the issues. The reason that I stay, you might ask? we've been together 30+ years and I've gotten somewhat more tolerant of her. Plus, I feel guilty, because of the kids. I do care for her because of the longevity of the relationship and we've been through some trying times. maybe I do have issues. just venting, thanks


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

sissyphus said:


> whoever coined that phrase should be boiled in oil and shot. My wife and I are complete opposites. We don't share the same interests, I'm somewhat organized, she's completely the opposite. doesn't take responsibilities for her actions, but blames me, says that I have the issues. The reason that I stay, you might ask? we've been together 30+ years and I've gotten somewhat more tolerant of her. Plus, I feel guilty, because of the kids. I do care for her because of the longevity of the relationship and we've been through some trying times. maybe I do have issues. just venting, thanks


It depends on the trait in question. Some opposites are not conducive to stable relationships. For instance, partners should be similar in how they handle money. They should have similar views on spirituality. They should share philosophy on parenting. 

...however...

opposites can be complimentary, dovetailing into a seamless whole, the yin and the yang.

For instance. I'm gregarious and outgoing. My wife is quiet and introspective. We fit perfectly. The most successful couples I know fit this dynamic. Two highly outgoing people together will struggle as they compete for airtime with each other. Two shy people will have difficulty coming together in the first place, and once together will really struggle sustaining the relationship (these are generalizations, there are exceptions, but in the aggregate, they are true more often than not)

I'm a risk taker. My wife is extremely risk averse. She keeps me grounded and I get her to stretch herself once in a while. We're greatly enriched by each other. 

So when people say "opposites attract," I generally take it to mean they're referring to those opposites which can be beneficially complimentary, not the ones that can tear a relationship apart.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I blame Hollywood for this. She is a kick-boxing champion and extreme-sport fanatic, he is an investment banker who loves the opera, and somehow after a rocky start their romance works out perfectly in the end.

People don't need to be identical to have a good relationship, but there needs to be a lot of common ground its not going to work out well.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

uhtred said:


> I blame Hollywood for this. She is a kick-boxing champion and extreme-sport fanatic, he is an investment banker who loves the opera, and somehow after a rocky start their romance works out perfectly in the end.
> 
> People don't need to be identical to have a good relationship, but there needs to be a lot of common ground its not going to work out well.


This usually takes a good driving-at-night-while-crying montage to pull off.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

But clearly they do attract, at least sometimes, because you married each other. 

The saying doesn't specify that you're happy together..... only that they can attract. I suspect that has to do with the whole complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses thing.

Just consider that marital unhappiness isn't usually one sided. If you're unhappy dealing wth her then she's probably unhappy dealing with you.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Opposites attract but so does flypaper...


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Let me elaborate.

There's opposites and there's opposites. If you're from the same general culture, any differences are not going to be major in the grand scheme of things. One likes country, the other likes opera type. 

The moment you add drastically different cultures to the mix all this goes out the window, because trivial things in your culture may not be in hers, and vice versa. You take nothing for granted. You're operating on reduced information to begin with.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

john117 said:


> Let me elaborate.
> 
> There's opposites and there's opposites. If you're from the same general culture, any differences are not going to be major in the grand scheme of things. One likes country, the other likes opera type.
> 
> The moment you add drastically different cultures to the mix all this goes out the window, because trivial things in your culture may not be in hers, and vice versa. You take nothing for granted. You're operating on reduced information to begin with.


There are no cultures as different as opera and country! I could marry a Democrat with less friction than a country fan:redcard:


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> It depends on the trait in question. Some opposites are not conducive to stable relationships. For instance, partners should be similar in how they handle money. They should have similar views on spirituality. They should share philosophy on parenting.
> 
> ...however...
> 
> ...


Your' best post, to date, my friend. Thanks!


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

john117 said:


> There's opposites and there's opposites. If you're from the same general culture, any differences are not going to be major in the grand scheme of things. One likes country, the other likes opera type.


There is no way I would choose to have a relationship with someone who likes country music or opera music (which is slightly more tolerable).


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

sissyphus said:


> whoever coined that phrase should be boiled in oil and shot. My wife and I are complete opposites. We don't share the same interests, I'm somewhat organized, she's completely the opposite. doesn't take responsibilities for her actions, but blames me, says that I have the issues. The reason that I stay, you might ask? we've been together 30+ years and I've gotten somewhat more tolerant of her. Plus, I feel guilty, because of the kids. I do care for her because of the longevity of the relationship and we've been through some trying times. maybe I do have issues. just venting, thanks


I always took this to mean opposite looks attract. Like dark men like blonde women. Light men like dark women.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> There are no cultures as different as opera and country! I could marry a Democrat with less friction than a country fan:redcard:


My mother was an avid opera afficionado. Dad preferred my country's most annoying folk music. They did well despite lots of differences.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Personal said:


> There is no way I would choose to have a relationship with someone who likes country music or opera music (which is slightly more tolerable).


Listen to this and tell me it's not awesome.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: &quot;opposites attract&quot;, Not!*



Personal said:


> There is no way I would choose to have a relationship with someone who likes country music or opera music (which is slightly more tolerable).


From opera to Nightwish... Not much of a difference 

https://youtu.be/VTPXvE6o3LY


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

john117 said:


> My mother was an avid opera afficionado. Dad preferred my country's most annoying folk music. They did well despite lots of differences.


I suspect I'd have much greater tolerance for you country's folk music than American country.

But I get you. In fact, I share almost nothing musically with my wife and it's never an issue.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

*Re: &quot;opposites attract&quot;, Not!*



john117 said:


> From opera to Nightwish... Not much of a difference
> 
> https://youtu.be/VTPXvE6o3LY


Ewww, I think I need to fumigate my ears after hearing that.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

sokillme said:


> Listen to this and tell me it's not awesome.


Vomit!


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

sissyphus said:


> just venting, thanks


Sometimes it's nice to vent.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Personal said:


> Vomit!


:crying:


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)




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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I suspect I'd have much greater tolerance for you country's folk music than American country.
> 
> But I get you. In fact, I share almost nothing musically with my wife and it's never an issue.


The gap between my parents and their success, and the spectacular failure of my brother's marriage despite growing up 10 houses apart kind of made me ignore the chasm in my own marriage...


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: &quot;opposites attract&quot;, Not!*



Personal said:


> Ewww, I think I need to fumigate my ears after hearing that.


Sounds a lot better in the audio lab at work...


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Listen to this and tell me it's not awesome.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixrje2rXLMA
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fYvVRLPVcs


It's not awesome. (at least the Parton)

Actually that's a great example to use on a TAM thread. Our protagonist is begging the OW not to take her man. Most TAMers would say that even if she gets Jolene to wave off, she's won nothing. She's only succeeded (probably temporarily) in keeping a man who is easily seduced away. She deserves a man who loves and honors her first and foremost, above all others. Anything less is settling and she deserves better. He has poor boundaries -- she should file.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

*Re: &quot;opposites attract&quot;, Not!*



john117 said:


> Sounds a lot better in the audio lab at work...


Nothing can fix that kind of broken.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> It's not awesome. (at least the Parton)
> 
> Actually that's a great example to use on a TAM thread. Our protagonist is begging the OW not to take her man. Most TAMers would say that even if she gets Jolene to wave off, she's won nothing. She's only succeeded (probably temporarily) in keeping a man who is easily seduced away. She deserves a man who loves and honors her first and foremost, above all others. Anything less is settling and she deserves better. He has poor boundaries -- she should file.


I always think that as well, let her have him Dolly. Doesn't mean it's not a great song. The guitar lick is brilliant.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

*Re: &quot;opposites attract&quot;, Not!*



john117 said:


> From opera to Nightwish... Not much of a difference
> 
> https://youtu.be/VTPXvE6o3LY


I love me some Nightwish! Tarja's definitely got a set of pipes. Too bad she left the group, but her replacement, Floor Jansen, is no slouch.

Actually, I'm a fan of the whole symphonic metal genre. I've seen Within Temptation in concert multiple times.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

sokillme said:


> I always think that as well, let her have him Dolly. Doesn't mean it's not a great song. The guitar lick is brilliant.


As a guitarist, I find very few country licks to be brilliant. The entire genre would be a barren guitar wasteland if not for Roy Clark, Glen Campbell, Jerry Reed, and Chet Atkins. Vince Gill could really play as well, too bad he sings so much--needs to follow Zappa's advice: "Shut up and play yer guitar!"


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> As a guitarist, I find very few country licks to be brilliant. The entire genre would be a barren guitar wasteland if not for Roy Clark, Glen Campbell, Jerry Reed, and Chet Atkins. Vince Gill could really play as well, too bad he sings so much--needs to follow Zappa's advice: "Shut up and play yer guitar!"


The ones you mentioned are some giants though. Glen Campbell was the man.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

sokillme said:


> The ones you mentioned are some giants though. Glen Campbell was the man.


Yeah, Glen had a wonderful voice and that's what made him famous. Few people know what a master he was with his instrument. You have to see him live to fully understand.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Glen and Roy playing Ghost Riders in the sky.


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## wringo123 (Mar 8, 2015)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> As a guitarist, I find very few country licks to be brilliant. The entire genre would be a barren guitar wasteland if not for Roy Clark, Glen Campbell, Jerry Reed, and Chet Atkins. Vince Gill could really play as well, too bad he sings so much--needs to follow Zappa's advice: "Shut up and play yer guitar!"


Keith Urban can hit some licks on the gitaur but don't care much at all for most of neo-country. I do love Chris Stapleton though.

Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


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## sissyphus (Feb 1, 2012)

john117 said:


> Let me elaborate.
> 
> There's opposites and there's opposites. If you're from the same general culture, any differences are not going to be major in the grand scheme of things. One likes country, the other likes opera type.
> 
> The moment you add drastically different cultures to the mix all this goes out the window, because trivial things in your culture may not be in hers, and vice versa. You take nothing for granted. You're operating on reduced information to begin with.


is that like in certain cultures you don't shake or eat with your right hand, because that's the hand you use to wipe your butt?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

sissyphus said:


> is that like in certain cultures you don't shake or eat with your right hand, because that's the hand you use to wipe your butt?


No, these are known cultural stereotypes and for the most part manageable. I'm referring to things like deep rooted dislike of sex or men or family or dating - after growing up in a very male dominated society where girls aren't quite as equal as boys.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

sissyphus said:


> The reason that I stay, you might ask? we've been together 30+ years and I've gotten somewhat more tolerant of her. Plus, I feel guilty, because of the kids.


How old can these 'kids' BE if you've been married 30+ years? That's SUCH a lame excuse.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

sissyphus said:


> whoever coined that phrase should be boiled in oil and shot. My wife and I are complete opposites. We don't share the same interests, I'm somewhat organized, she's completely the opposite. doesn't take responsibilities for her actions, but blames me, says that I have the issues. The reason that I stay, you might ask? we've been together 30+ years and I've gotten somewhat more tolerant of her. Plus, I feel guilty, because of the kids. I do care for her because of the longevity of the relationship and we've been through some trying times. maybe I do have issues. just venting, thanks


I'd give it another thirty and if she doesn't change then start thinking about divorce.😜


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Opposites often attract -- but they don't necessarily sustain. 

My husband and I were very much alike in many ways -- we were the envy of our friends because they thought we had the "perfect marriage" (gag) -- but we still divorced eventually because, no, we definitely didn't have anything close to a perfect marriage -- no matter how similar we might be in certain ways. Obviously, there's no guarantee.


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## sissyphus (Feb 1, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> How old can these 'kids' BE if you've been married 30+ years? That's SUCH a lame excuse.


 they're young men, both still living at home. I just feel guilty about the " for better or worse" thing. I remember my parents fighting. But they still stayed together. Maybe your right. I'm in a bi-racial marriage. Most everyone on my wife's side is separated where as every one on my side is happily married. I'm Asian american, but the Asian part stresses family as being very important.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

My husband and I are polar opposites. He's a geek through and through  Maths genuis, science, loves sci fi and coding and all that jazz. He's a terrible communicator (he tries but not successfully, lol). Quiet and shy.

I'm hopeless at maths, hate sci fi, love English, history, I love to talk - dad used to say I could talk underwater with a mouth of marbles, lololol. 

We never agree on things like colours when we redecorate, I'll love a particular style of house, he'll hate it, bahahahaha.

He's pro choice, I'm pro life.

But we work. We work SO well together. Our values on the big things - marriage, love, respect, parenting etc. are the same. We respect each others views even when we disagree.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

frusdil said:


> My husband and I are polar opposites. He's a geek through and through  Maths genuis, science, loves sci fi and coding and all that jazz. He's a terrible communicator (he tries but not successfully, lol). Quiet and shy.
> 
> I'm hopeless at maths, hate sci fi, love English, history, I love to talk - dad used to say I could talk underwater with a mouth of marbles, lololol.
> 
> ...


Wonderful! Thanks for sharing. A perfect example of the differences in which things work well as opposites and which things require agreement for relationship longevity.


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