# not ready for a sexless marriage.



## kibeth (Dec 5, 2011)

I hear a lot of complaints about guys having to jump through hoops to get intimate with their wives, but I have the opposite problem. I have always been a woman with a reasonably high sex drive. I enjoy being innovative, giving blow jobs, trying new things and the like, but my husband couldn't care less. He never initiates sex, almost always turns me down when I try to initiate anything more than a kiss on the cheek and always just explains that he's tired from work when I try to talk about the issue. 

We have been married for four years. The issue has always been there, but it has gotten particularly bad in the last few months. I am a 27 year old athletic blond. I always make a genuine effort with my appearance and I always try to do things that I know my husband will enjoy, but it doesn't seem to matter. (I've never known a guy who would consistently turn down a spontaneous after work blow job) I've tried everything, I would appreciate for any advice you have to offer.


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## Screenp2 (Dec 4, 2011)

You're 27.. my best friend of 45 IS your hubby.. he has no desire to have sex and he and his wife have been battling this for 10+ yrs. She has an open marriage and he only has to 'take care of her' when she returns from a deployment. For 2 weeks before she gets home..he's a miserable person because he knows he has to have sex with her. 

I don't get it but that's him.


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## kibeth (Dec 5, 2011)

Screenp2 said:


> You're 27.. my best friend of 45 IS your hubby..


I understand that lack of sexual drive can be an issue as a man gets older, but it seems much more rare in a younger man. Is that just a misconception?


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## Cupcake37 (Nov 19, 2011)

Hi,

I just wanted to say that I am in a smiliar situation to yourself and you are not alone! I know that probably doesn't help much.....I am 37 and my husband is 41 but he has never really been interested in sex. I posted a message a few weeks ago as I do feel like I can't carry on like this but don't know what to do. I have two young children and really don't want to leave him. Do you have children? Have you tried talking to him?

Good luck and you are not alone
hugs
XXX


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

*and always just explains that he's tired from work when I try to talk about the issue. *
Does he have this excuse every night. In other words is he working every single day. I dont think talking is the answer. Perhaps he doesnt like you being 'innovative'. You say it has always been there so why did you marry him or did you only find out afterwards.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, the statistics I have seen from medical research indicate that about 1 out of 5 men have lower libidoes.

Solutions for Low Libido in Men

In a younger man you would expect that he would have a healthy drive. Has he ever had a comprehensive health check-up, including checking his testosterone and thyroid levels? Low levels of those can both cause tiredness and low libido.

Does he have any drive at all - does he masturbate at all? Some guys, unfortunately, divert their drives in to other avenues besides sex with their wives.

Is he on any kinds of medications that could affect him?

What is his emotional health like? Is he depressed? Does he get anxious? Does he feel pressured?

Is he able to perform all right when you do have sex?

Is he willing at all to acknowledge that this is an issue in your marriage and try and work it out? Because, there are still a lot of ways that you can generate intimacy within a marriage even if actual intercourse isn't on the table as often.

Best wishes.


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## mrspink (Oct 17, 2011)

I know where your coming from im 20 and my husband is 21 and its the same way! its frustrating. The only thing you can do is explain you are not happy when the physical aspect of your relationship. But talking can only go so far. Obviously you said you have been trying and turned down. maybe he has another issue in his life that is leading to this. When my husband is stressed sex is the furthest from his mind. Maybe try a massage? something to get him relaxed and more in the mood.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

SOunds like you dont have to be ready for a sexless marriage, you are in one. No amount of talking will get you any sex, trust me. In fact, it will get you less sex. Enchantment knows of a link for the thermometer and marriage, there are hots (like you and me) and then colds like our respective husbands. Trying to talk to husbands who are cold actually makes them colder even though it doesnt make any sense to us hotter people.

I thought I found the solution a few weeks ago, bc it seemed to work, but really hubby just needed to fill his sex tank for the next famine It was the most sex we ever had since we married (4 times in 3 days) including the honeymoon when we only did it twice... when he wanted and he of course turned me down when I wanted it! I began posting from Costa Rica on our honeymoon bc I was so upset... had to change user name bc he figured out who I was before.

Anyway, there are lots of outcomes, but only a few ladies on here have gotten to a place where they are ok. I had an affair bc my husband was outright refusing to have sex for over a year and using it as punishment (withholding it if I didnt make the coffee or a bed etc), and telling me HE could have sex with anyone and I would never know (after only being married 2 months and right after the 2nd time I had ever said no to him for sex since we had met... bc my kids were right outside the door). This other guy simply fulfilled the few little fantasies I had that I wanted so desperately to try with husband, but he wouldnt (and believe me he is well equipped and able for the task... he is more of a sex freak than he thinks I am and brought me into that and I happened to like it and got my imagination going and then he shut down).

So, the only advice I can give is to definitely NOT talk about it and dont ask for it either... both of those will lead you down the road to despair. You dont seem as bitter about it yet, so perhaps you can salvage something.


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## Screenp2 (Dec 4, 2011)

kibeth said:


> I understand that lack of sexual drive can be an issue as a man gets older, but it seems much more rare in a younger man. Is that just a misconception?


He's been like this as long as he can remember and has always had a low sex drive. Is it rare.. I'd say so as I've never met another male who has a sex drive as low as his.


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## husband1987 (Dec 13, 2011)

Why do mismatched libidos end up together? I'm a 24 year old husband and my wife hasn't wanted to have sex since we were engaged (two years ago, married barely 1 year). She makes herself (I assume) about every month and a half. I can't fathom a guy turning down sex, even if he is horrible at it. I would do anything for spontaneity and variety. Talking hasn't helped, nothing has helped but nothing has changed since before our engagement. I've even worked my butt off to get into body building shape and try genuinely, without expectation of return, to make her life easier. Nothing. I now hate watching her romantic movies and shows with her because I'm sick of watching people live the life I wanted; a romance with passion.

Oh, and massages won't help. Nothing helps. It seems now that she never wanted it and now doesn't have to do it (she has actually indirectly told me that).


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