# Husband doesn't want sex or affection after upsetting time



## loz (Sep 23, 2012)

We've been together for five years and alays had a very healthy sexlife (around 4 times a week most weeks) but last December he had a huge falling out with his daughter fromhis previous marriage and to cut a very long story short, she doesn'y come here anymore and they don't see each other. 

He has shown all the signs of going through the grief cycle and for the pastcouple of months has been going through the "anger" and "depression" stages in alternate. During this time he has gone off of affection altogtehr. I do understand and I've tried to be patient but I feel so un-loved. Starved, in fact.

I told him how I felt and for a coupleof weeks we were fine but he has now stopped making the effort again and I am so unhappy. 

I'm starting tothink about leaving and can't rememeber what it was that we had that was good. It seems to have died. He is a very very good man - loyal, reliable, patient... but the passion has died. I've tried going back to basics; wearing nice underwear, making sure we get time alone, cooking anice meal, creating a romantic atmosphere etc but I've had allthe knockbacks I can take now. He said that when I am like that it comes across as though I am needy, which turns him off even more 

His ex wife always said he was a cold man. He said that it was just that he didn't love her, and so didn't show her any affection. I beleived it because of how affectionate we were together but now I wonder if that is just his modus operandi when things go wrong in his life.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

It sounds to me like he needs some therapy. I dont think he is withholding affection because of you, I think his grief had just taken over everything he feels and thinks. I dont see you guys getting your normal relationship back until he is able to come to terms with what has happened with his daughter.


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## loz (Sep 23, 2012)

3Xacharm said:


> It sounds to me like he needs some therapy. I dont think he is withholding affection because of you, I think his grief had just taken over everything he feels and thinks. I dont see you guys getting your normal relationship back until he is able to come to terms with what has happened with his daughter.


Sadly, he won't do counselling. He had one session but hasn't had another one and says it won' work. I'm a huge advocate so it's very frustrating, but you can't force someone to beleive.


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