# Two Articles one on a healthy sex life with low libido partner and a second about asexual love relationships



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I saw two interesting articles. The first was about low libido people with thyroid conditions and some of the statements sounded much like things my wife might have said at the low point in our marriage. How to have healthy sex life with low libido partner



> My main goal in sex now is just to be intimate with Victor, though—to physically express love for him. If I get an orgasm out of it, then that’s great. I don’t feel the need for that the way a lot of people do. I sometimes feel like I’m letting Victor down as a partner because I feel like I so rarely have, or am willing to devote, the energy for sex and we have that intimacy so rarely.


My wife felt at times that she was a sexual failure and ashamed of herself. With the help of a sex therapist we worked through those feelings and negotiated a frequency of sex we can both live with. One the most helpful things I did prior to sex therapy was show my wife a segment of David Schnarch's Book that described how all aspects of marriage involve a low desire partner and a high desire partner. One marriage partner will have a low desire for lots of children and then other will want more. One partner will want to watch lots of Sunday (and other days) football on TV and the other will not be able to stand watching football on TV. One partner will want chocolate ice cream for dessert every day and the other will hate chocolate ice cream, but maybe we willing to have vanilla ice cream once a week. As Schnarch said, this is typical in marriage and marriage is all about compromise. The same is true about sexual frequency in marriage. There is no one "right" amount of children, ice cream, or sex in a marriage and because there is not a right number, there is not a "broken" partner that needs to be fixed. Understanding that she was not in need of being "fixed" by a sex therapist helped her accept seeing one.

The second article is a bit more nuanced. Being in a relationship with an asexual



> This is my first relationship. I do sometimes have sex with my partner. You know Cosmopolitans—they serve them everywhere. I don’t know why people keep raving about it, it is not that great. You try it out but you would never stand in a queue for it, or spend all your money for it for an Instagram photo. Sex is like that for me.
> 
> I am not like sex negative. It is just not on the top of my list. I often joke that if James Bond was asexual, the villains’ plan would always fail.
> 
> ...


My wife is not asexual, but she does have a low libido. It is not due to a medical reason. However, we have found a way to keep the intimacy alive in our marriage.

My post is because I read so often about one partner complaining that their spouse doesn't give them the love they need and should they divorce their partner. 

I wanted to post a couple of articles that look at such situations from the other partner's perspective and help provide insights into how they have or are trying to make their relationships work.

I hope someone who feels that they are not getting the sex they deserve reads these articles to get an idea of what their partner might feel like.

Good luck


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