# Always Late



## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

Okay guys, I say a lot of great things on here about my fiance and I try to answer posts too. I think I need a little help.

We don't have much time. Because of custody arrangements and constant long commutes back and forth, we basically have every other Saturday night to go do something. She is very often late. I have repeatedly talked to her about it. She is still late. Tonight I even said we need to leave by a certain time (which is way earlier than we needed to leave) and it didn't work. This is so frustrating.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Either she's really busy and doing her best to squeeze you into what little time she has or spending time with you is not a priority.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Has she always been like that?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

She IS busy, but she procrastinated to do. She did nothing pressing. I guess that means that spending time with me is not a priority. I scarfed down my dinner (now I have an upset stomach), didn't even finish putting my laundry away so that I could be on time. She was on the computer. To make it worse, I didn't realize how behind she was and she offered to make my dinner so that I could get in the shower and be on time. Why? It makes no sense.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

It's called bad manners. If you have to be somewhere at a certain time, then you make an effort to be ready to go. I can understand that sometimes things happen and through not fault of your own you will be late but to make a habit out of it is plain and simple bad manners. Let her know about it and if she can't be ready in time then leave her behind and maybe next time she'll give a better effort.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Share your heart with her, LL. Let her see your emotions. Use active listening. That, along with your transparency, should prompt her to share her heart with you, and good communication should result. 

Good luck.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I have met people who think being late is cute or their thing, "oh I'm always late, he,he,he" Pisses me off, it's nothing more than rude and inconsiderate. What can you do about it? Not much, but it's an easy thing for her to fix, if she cares to.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Yep, it's just inconsiderate. My step-daughters are chronically late. They even bicker with each other about who is "later". Which to me is moot. Late is late. BUT... my H is never later and calls them on it all the time. Their mom is also chronically late. 

We don't wait on them. We leave without them, they meet us there... it never bothers them though, they are used to it I think.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Yes it is annoying. One of my close relatives is late for everything. His line is 'a busy man is never on time', which is doubly rude as it implies the other people do not do enough.

Some people, though, seem to have a very poor sense of time. I know my wife consistently misjudges how long it will take to do something. I have learned to factor up so if she says 'it will take five minutes' I know it will take half an hour. I am used to it and she is beautiful and sweet so I forgive her. It is not intentional on her part, just part of her deeply-embedded optimism.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

tryingtobebetter said:


> Some people, though, seem to have a very poor sense of time. I know my wife consistently misjudges how long it will take to do something. I have learned to factor up so if she says 'it will take five minutes' I know it will take half an hour. I am used to it and she is beautiful and sweet so I forgive her. It is not intentional on her part, just part of her deeply-embedded optimism.


Lol. I guess we all learn to accommodate our partner's shortcomings. All that give and take stuff.


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## Sun Catcher (Dec 6, 2013)

There are two kinds of people, those on time and those late. We are both in the former group. I couldn't live with someone in the latter. 

I will wait for someone once and that is it. I hope it works out for you and she comes to understand how important being on time is. As others have said above, make it clear what the problem is and see if it can be avoided.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My name is NextTimeAround and I am a late person.

Life happens even when you're rushing to your next appointment.

I do my best to prioritise. When I'm on someone else's clock (being paid), I'm on time. When I am not, well, there is some prioritisation. To be on time ALL THE TIME would stress me out.

Just last week, my hairdresser was 30 minutes late. So I was 30 minutes late on my way to meet my brother and SIL for dinner.

What would you have liked for me to do? Cancel the appointment and wait another month for her? Get out of the chair with wet hair and hair color chemicals on it in December weather? 

I also find that those Punctuals can have a holy than thou attitude and don't ladle their venom in a fair manner. For example, I was travelling with a (former) friend. We were renting a cottage and agreed with the owner that he would come at noon to check us out. So of course, I cleaned up what I needed and decided at 11:50 to have lunch ie, eat the leftover food before we threw it out. So (former) friend gets in my face says, in sing song child voice "I'm not going to eat lunch so that I can be ready for the owner when he comes."

The owner was 20 minutes late due to traffic, fair enough. We gave ourselves adequate time to get to the airport. But I don't recall (former) friend getting pissy with him. And we're paying HIM!

Perhaps, I should quote the Bible here. "let the one without sin cast the first stone." 

If 10 or 15 minutes really upsets you THAT much, then yes, dump her sorry ass and find someone else who is at least as punctual as you AND hopefully, for your sake., NOT MORE!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

SunnyT said:


> Yep, it's just inconsiderate. My step-daughters are chronically late. They even bicker with each other about who is "later". Which to me is moot. Late is late. BUT... my H is never later and calls them on it all the time. Their mom is also chronically late.
> 
> We don't wait on them. We leave without them, they meet us there... it never bothers them though, they are used to it I think.


My husband is never late, I am never late...we are the type , that if we are late, you know something happened... and it can be worrisome.. we always call-when we know we won't be on time (got held at work, change of plans, etc)... our kids have also picked up our punctual habits, our daughter wants to be everywhere near 10 minutes early.. even to gymnastics practice...

I do my best to work within the time frames that are set - to be respectful to other people...and I think it is respectful to do the same.. *to the best of our ability.*. of course unfortunate things happen...

For instance... lady husband works with, yesterday, ONE MINUTE late on the time clock.. why... bad roads.....The Boss...took away one of her sick days for that....(not sick but some other name I forget now)..... he had the power to give it to her (with in the 1st 7 minutes or something husband said)..... but NO..he just isn't a nice man.... Sh** happens sometimes...and we need to be gracious... 

But when it's every single time, this is habitual learned behavior....the excuses start wearing very thin.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

If you find it frustrating now, it is going to be WAY more frustrating when you're married. Think about it.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

Maybe you should start leaving without her. Leave her a note and tell her you couldn't wait. I know sometimes things come up and it makes you late but I don't understand being late all the time. 

I have broke up with a boyfriend because they were always late. I felt I wasn't important enough to them to be on time at least once in a while.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

There's being late on occasion & then there's being late on a chronic "I don't care enough" basis.
If someone cannot or will not, make better plans, so that they're not late, then stop making plans with them.
No one needs to squeeze in so many plans that they're constantly late.
Sure, they maybe flippant about how this or that happened to them causing them to be late, but you have to ask yourself, why is it that THEIR time is more important than your own?
To me, chronic late people are full of self importance who feel a sense of entitlement, that they can do whatever they want, regardless of whoever they keep waiting. 
You have to ask yourself if this is a habit you can live with.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Just be brutally honest with your fiancée. Say something like, "Fiancee, it really bothers me a lot when you're late. It feels like you think your time is more important than my time. Or the things you do are more important than the things I do or the plans we have. It makes me feel unimportant to you...like you're not excited to spend time with me. 

I'm bringing this up because I'd like you to make a tremendous effort to be on time starting today. If you're not sure how long something will take (like on your computer) then get ready FIRST and THEN you can get on your computer (it's not like you're going to get dirty and sweaty. When I show up, you'll be ready to go and can just log-off or 'save' your work or whatever and we can leave.

From now on when we have plans to do something, I am SERIOUSLY going to leave ON TIME. If you are NOT ready, then I guess I will be doing the activity alone. I'm not doing this to PUNISH you, I'm doing it because I'm tired of not feeling important."

See what she says. And the next time you have plans, actually LEAVE ON TIME - even if it means leaving without her. And, no!, don't bother having her meet you at the restaurant...that will just become another bad habit with her. Either go home or go to a different restaurant. If your plan is to go to the Steakhouse and you leave and she shows up 20 minutes late at the Steakhouse how has that improved the situation? It hasn't taught her to feel the consequences of chronic lateness. If it's a movie, choose a different movie or a different theater...don't let he just join you late because she's "so busy".


JMHO


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