# I dont understand why he is so mad at me.



## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

Today as normal I sent my fiance a text message letting him know that I am safe at school. I know I wouldnt get a message back from him until around 11 when he wakes up. After my Biology 2 class my best friend wanted me to go to the dentist with her because she was scared and her boyfriend couldnt go. I went to be a good friend and she told me that my fiance likes another girl more than he is letting on. I trust my fiance more than anything in the world, but I still wanted to get his side of the story. When I finally got ahold of him around 12 I asked him if the rumor of him liking another girl was true and he got extreamly upset and irrated at me. He already said he doesnt and I went and asked him again. Maybe a wrong move on my part, but did he really have to get so upset with me. He sent me a text an hour ago saying "you dont trust me so how can you love me if you dont trust me" When I told him I do trust him and im sorry if I havent been showing it, he then send " You cant just flip from not trustin me to trustin me like that".

Why is he so mad at me I am trying everything I can to show him or tell him that I do trust him, but its so hard since he wont answer my calls (only called him 2 times) or answer my texts when I told him that I do trust him. 

How do I make sure he knows that I do trust him because I am at the point where I would do anything if he would just believe me that I do.

*Could it be a possibility that I hurt him when I asked him that question because I have already asked it before and he is trying to get me to think he doesnt believe that I love him or trust him to hurt me back?*


----------



## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

If my wife kept asking me if I liked someone else it would end up making me irritated. If you call him, leave a message, and let him call you back. It's tough to think that someone trusts you if you call constantly and acuse him of wanting to be with someone else.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I really dont know if he is trustworthy (although i would say he isnt) but the one thing i can tell you is his communication is manipulative. 



Smile_Jenny said:


> How do I make sure he knows that I do trust him because I am at the point where I would do anything if he would just believe me that I do.


This is what he wants to happen. Now the focus is on you. He says because you did xyz, you dont love him. His communication was manipulative because it deflects the focus of how you are feeling, to making you feel guilty for evening considering the idea. Now its you who is having to prove something. Its manipulative because he trying to control how you feel. I bet the next time you are suspicious you'll just let it drop. I bet you'll be afraid to approach him again. That's pretty much what he's going for, whether he knows it or not. 



Smile_Jenny said:


> Why is he so mad at me I am trying everything I can to show him or tell him that I do trust him, but its so hard since he wont answer my calls (only called him 2 times) or answer my texts when I told him that I do trust him.


Actually, you dont trust him. If you trusted him you would have never asked him about the other girl. But now he has you on the defensive. Now he can pretty much do whatever he wants and you cant bring it up, that is, you cant bring it up if you love him (his conditions).

What did he say the first time you asked him? Why did you ask him the first time? Has he shown any concern for how you are feeling?


----------



## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

When I first brought it up he was hurt that I would even think that. He seemed concered about how I was feeling that he would do what ever it took to make me feel better. Which wasnt much but his word. But the reason why this has started again is because she just broke up with her boyfriend, and is using my fiance to talk to. She has said that she wishes I wasnt around because she wants him. I know i shouldnt of brought it up but the friend who told me what she had told me twisted her words to make me believe what she said over him. Lets just say this I am very very gullable and emotional due to the pregnancy.


----------



## line6guy (Sep 21, 2008)

Just a suggestion here... When you wonder about something, how about not phrasing it as a question, which can be considered "cornering." Rather, just say "someone told me something funny..." then relate the story. Don't accuse unless you have proof. 

Really, a relationship has to be built on trust... Otherwise, it may not be a strong relationship.


----------



## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

Thank you Line6guy, your right I should of brought it up a different way. I do have proof that she did say what she did but that was because my mom had herd her. I do trust him and It takes alot for me to trust people because my father had cheated on my mom not once or twice but three times. I was raised not to trust people so I dont but now I trust him its hard on me. If that makes sence.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Smile_Jenny said:


> But the reason why this has started again is because she just broke up with her boyfriend, and is using my fiance to talk to. She has said that she wishes I wasnt around because she wants him.


If my H was talking to a girl like that I'd have my suspicions, too, and id talk to him about it until i felt comfortable with it. If he got angry, i'd try to find a different way to approach him. 

I know your fiance's anger is deflecting the issue, but it sounds like you are still worried about her being around him. Maybe the way you are approaching him isnt the best way, but dont ignore how you are feeling.


----------



## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

He wants me to meet her and maybe go shopping with her and get to know her better. They have been friends for three years, but not really good friends maybe more or aquantices (know I didnt spell that right) I told him maybe but I still would want him there or have one of his good friends there as well, mostly his good friend which is also my good friend and if this girl says anything our good friend will be there to be proof.


----------



## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Well this depends. Do you have a history of questioning him? Is this a first? How did you approach him? If he felt like you were accusing him, I could see his point or if he has reason to feel you do not trust him such as always doubting him. If this is a first and you didn't bring it up accusing him, well I hate to say it but those that are guilty defend by getting angry. Make you feel bad for asking when they are the one that is really doing wrong. I'm not jumping to conclusions, read the first part and be really honest with yourself. If he is unjustified in feeling you don't trust him then you need to look at the possibility he's acting this way because you have reason not to trust him.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Smile_Jenny said:


> He wants me to meet her and maybe go shopping with her and get to know her better.


definitely go meet her. why dont you want to?


----------



## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Smile_Jenny said:


> When I first brought it up he was hurt that I would even think that. He seemed concered about how I was feeling that he would do what ever it took to make me feel better. Which wasnt much but his word. But the reason why this has started again is because she just broke up with her boyfriend, and is using my fiance to talk to.


The first part of this is encouraging, he was concerned about your feelings. Second part is a red flag. Sorry may be my suspicious mind but my DH started his affair this way with another woman. She talked to him about her personal problems. I said it bothered me and he was hurt I didn't trust him. Turned out I had good reason. They developed an emotional attachment through this. I always knew she had a crush on him, just like this girl has on your boyfriend. Sorry but he's in the wrong here for spending so much time with her when he is engaged to you and you are pregnant with his child. He's being thoughtless and manipulative. But good communication is important here so don't accuse but be honest about how it bothers you and then LISTEN to him, really listen. Try to work it out through good communication. Good luck!


----------



## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

Now we have been trying harder to understand eachother more now that there are two babys involved. Just sitting here and thinking about this has made me relize when I have one of the two guy friends over ( i was best friends with before me and my fiance have started to date.) when there over and were just hanging out playing video games or doing homework cause one of them is my partner for my zoology class, my fiance somehow always comes over. Does that mean he doesnt trust me?


----------



## line6guy (Sep 21, 2008)

Smile_Jenny said:


> Thank you Line6guy, your right I should of brought it up a different way. I do have proof that she did say what she did but that was because my mom had herd her. I do trust him and It takes alot for me to trust people because my father had cheated on my mom not once or twice but three times. I was raised not to trust people so I dont but now I trust him its hard on me. If that makes sence.


When I said proof, I meant like more than second hand knowledge, such as what someone else said. What others observe can be slanted when told to you, even if the third person has the best intentions towards you, such as a friend. I meant more than just what someone said. Is this something YOU have noticed to. I'm not saying what you were told was wrong, but you have to make sure on these things. 

One thing to think about. I understand that you may have been "taught" not to trust. But, don't put that one someone else. I don't mean that to sound rude, because it will affect you. But your SO does not deserve to be distrusted because of what happened to someone else. You don't want to use blind trust, of course. But, you will find it is best to start with a "clean slate" rather than just assume because one person was not trustworthy, other's should not be worthy of trust. Unless, of course, they show themselves to be not trustworthy. (I'm speaking a bit from experience, by the way...)


----------



## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

Im not sure if this counts but at the start of our relationship he was hanging out with some friends and one was a girl, she had shot him with an air soft gun (pellit gun). Then she pushed him down on the gound and forced him down yeah hard to believe but i was there she is stong for a girl and about 150lbs heaver than my fiance. then she kissed him right in front of me but the thing that hurt was he didnt pull away or push away.


----------



## line6guy (Sep 21, 2008)

Was this girl the same girl in question? What does "at the start of the relationship" actually mean? How long has your relationship been? Sometimes, a thing happens that takes you by surprise, and it is not as easy to have a reaction quickly, but it is easy to think what the reaction should have been after the fact.


----------



## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

No the girl isnt the sameone. The realtionship has been off and on for 5 years but we stoped the on and off and just been on for 3 years and still going our annaversry is on November 8th.


----------



## sniffles1 (Oct 18, 2008)

you could have hurt him by asking but i have learned from experience with men or women who get confronted and they get irate then they are probably guilty! im sorry to say that if he is very conscious of your feelings and always loveable then i would say more likely than not you hurt him but if hes not really affectionate in the relationship i would say hes guilty and to watch but dont ask.


----------



## line6guy (Sep 21, 2008)

I think I have to agree with sniffles1. We always have to be careful about what other people say. I would go by what I know of the person I'm with, rather than what someone else says. Have you talked to him about this since? I mean, even just to say "hey, I may have approached the subject wrong..."


----------



## Smile_Jenny (Aug 18, 2008)

Yes I have talked to him since saying I did rush into that conversation with out fully thinking it through. He has forgeven me but he forgave me way to fast. Which is not like him. Tonight I felt the baby move for the first time and I was so excited i texted him because he was out with his friends and all i get is an ok back. I was devistated that I didnt text back when he called and asked if i was ok i said no you really hurt my feelings by just saying ok when I told you the baby moved, then he said i just dont get into that kinda stuff. Is it the hormones makeing me think its weird or is that really weird. Since he wanted the baby.


----------

