# Husband is constantly groping me



## TealDaisy (Feb 17, 2020)

My husband constantly gropes me. Every time I walk by him, give him a hug, walk up the stairs ahead of him, cuddle, get anywhere near him- he always gropes me. It really bugs me. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but all he says is “would you rather I wasn’t attracted to you?” And “most women would love that”. Absolutely nothing changes. Any advice?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You might need to read 5 love languages together.

I grope Mrs. Conan every day, several times a day and she has become accustomed as well as reciprocal.

He might need to improve his classiness and grace with you and you might need to get a little more rubber meets the road with your husband for you both to connect.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

TealDaisy said:


> My husband constantly gropes me. Every time I walk by him, give him a hug, walk up the stairs ahead of him, cuddle, get anywhere near him- he always gropes me. It really bugs me. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but all he says is “would you rather I wasn’t attracted to you?” And “most women would love that”. Absolutely nothing changes. Any advice?


What exactly is the problem? I don't get it.

My husband and I grope each other, all the time lol.


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## TealDaisy (Feb 17, 2020)

frusdil said:


> What exactly is the problem? I don't get it


That is the only time he pays any attention to me. It would be nice if he could just kiss me or have an actual conversation with me without trying to stick his hands down my pants.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TealDaisy said:


> That is the only time he pays any attention to me. It would be nice if he could just kiss me or have an actual conversation with me without trying to stick his hands down my pants.


Do you two spend any time together, just the two of you.. quality time?


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## TealDaisy (Feb 17, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Do you two spend any time together, just the two of you.. quality time


No. I invite him to do something with me and he just says “no thanks” and is on his phone all night texting his friends and drinking.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TealDaisy said:


> No. I invite him to do something with me and he just says “no thanks” and is on his phone all night texting his friends and drinking.


That explains why you are having issues with this. You two really have no relationship.

You are a stay at home mom (SAHM), right?

I just reread your other thread. Your problems go beyond his grouping you. Is there any way that you can get into individual counseling? I think you need help in figuring out how to handle this and perhaps how to end this relationship. From what you said before, your husband has no interest in making any changes to improve things.


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## TealDaisy (Feb 17, 2020)

I work full-time as a nanny. Yes, we have many issues. Every time I feel like I have enough courage to talk to a lawyer or leave, I chicken out because I keep hoping he’ll change I guess. I signed up for online counseling, But stopped before paying. I’m just scared to face reality I suppose. I know you’re right though. I need to just go through with it


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TealDaisy said:


> I work full-time as a nanny. Yes, we have many issues. Every time I feel like I have enough courage to talk to a lawyer or leave, I chicken out because I keep hoping he’ll change I guess. I signed up for online counseling, But stopped before paying. I’m just scared to face reality I suppose. I know you’re right though. I need to just go through with it


You really need to do the counseling. Don't do it with the thought that you are leaving him. Do it with the idea that you are looking to improve your life. 

if you need some support to help you stay with the counseling, we can do that for you here.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

TealDaisy said:


> That is the only time he pays any attention to me. It would be nice if he could just kiss me or have an actual conversation with me without trying to stick his hands down my pants.


Ah yes, I see why you have an issue with it now, I wouldn't like that either.

Are you the lady with the thread about the husband who doesn't support her job? Your husband sounds like a knob, sorry.


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## TealDaisy (Feb 17, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> You really need to do the counseling. Don't do it with the thought that you are leaving him. Do it with the idea that you are looking to improve your life.
> 
> if you need some support to help you stay with the counseling, we can do that for you here.


Thank you so much, that really helps. This is all just so scary and emotionally draining. I’m going to finish signing up for counseling now


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Let me ask you this if he never changed and his current behavior will stay the same would you still stay? Never stay expecting someone ‘s behavior to change. 
Now counseling is an option but only if he understands that this is your last straw....if he goes with an open mind to fix this relationship than good but if he thinks the problem is with you than save your money and call a lawyer.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

TealDaisy said:


> No. I invite him to do something with me and he just says “no thanks” and is on his phone all night texting his friends and drinking.


Sounds to me like that's the real problem, not the groping.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Let me ask you this if he never changed and his current behavior will stay the same would you still stay? Never stay expecting someone ‘s behavior to change.
> Now counseling is an option but only if he understands that this is your last straw....if he goes with an open mind to fix this relationship than good but if he thinks the problem is with you than save your money and call a lawyer.


I think fir now they are talking about her individual counseling. Which she very much needs so she can put her food down.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

The caveat to this advice is if he is groping you like you are some kind of water balloons or something. Reading more of this thread maybe he is. Then he needs to grow up, but lets assume all is not lost and he is more mature then that.

So you need to deal with the issue. From the way you make it sound it's not the groping it's that you don't feel emotionally close to him and you need that to want to be frisky with him. So where YOU are wrong is that you are not communicating THAT to him. What you are communicating is that you don't like his touch and you find his desire for you to be annoying. I'm not saying you mean to do that, I am saying you are communicating that. By the way I also do get the fact that being pawed all the time can get annoying, but it's important that you are careful here. Most men feel rejected if you are continually forcefully pushing his hands away and acting like his very natural desire for you is gross or something he should be ashamed of. Yes there is a time and place but most guys would say the time is a lot and in lots of places. And as you have seen from posts on this thread lots of women like and appreciate it. That being said it sounds like a lot of this comes down to emotional connection.

Here is the thing from a guys point of view touching our significant others gives us intense pleasure and even has a calming effect, it's not unlike the kind of rush you might get when you pick up a baby or a puppy. It's not the same but let me explain. You know that feeling you get where you see something cute just want to hug it and squeeze it? So it's not exactly the same, but that almost visceral, what they call lizard brain, response you get that overwhelms you, that almost chemical reaction, THIS is the intensity and raw desire men feel for women. It's very real and very primal, and that is a good thing. Let me tell you when that goes away sooner or later most guys do too. So you want to make sure you always cherish and help nurture that. Both of you just need to figure out a way to understand how your actions are making each other feel but also what those actions mean coming from your spouse.

The problem is he is probably a little immature, and you have every right to want to have an emotional connection to him. I suspect you want to know that you are more then something he squeezes to feel good. This is where YOU are right and he is wrong. But it's also what you need to communicate.

Look if your man came on here, and we have had men like your husband on here before I would say this. She needs to feel emotionally close to you, that means you need to talk to her, you need to pursue her, you need to make her feel pretty and desired. Valued. You need to make her feel like you are putting out effort and that being able to touch her like no one else can is not something you take for granted. Generally speaking just like a guy needs to touch his girl, the girl need the guy to talk to her to cherish her because both things make them feel close to one another. His girl needs to know that he is emotionally connecting and taking care of her. That he appreciates her. Seduction is also something he should work on. There is something to be said for building up desire, for making it fun and sexy. But you both need to be free enough and feel emotionally safe enough to learn what sexy means to each other, and to be vulnerable in that way.

I am assuming this is the problem, and your annoyance at his touching of you is just a symptom. This is a pretty common problem in marriage and between sexes. Actually if you guys can get it together both and feed each others nature it can turn into an engine that keeps your marriage strong. But what it takes is communication, and since you are the one who is upset it's up to you to communicate your needs effectively even if he is a little slow. You have to say it in a way that he understands but also that entreats him not shames him. Not - "would you get your hands off me" more "Is this all I am to you, just something to make you feel good? Sometimes you make me feel that way." This will be the test to see if you married the right man. If he is he will be willing to work with you on this, and if he is smart he will want to.

Good luck.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I always hated the groping too. It always felt disrespectful instead of playful or endearing. 

Off to read your other thread...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Ok in reading your other threads, it’s confirmed your H is a nasty selfish alcoholic POS. The way he is IS NOT your fault. 

Make a plan and divorce him.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

3Xnocharm said:


> Ok in reading your other threads, it’s confirmed your H is a nasty selfish alcoholic POS.


I always wonder what it means, when someone puts different parts of their problem into separate threads.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

sokillme said:


> The caveat to this advice is if he is groping you like you are some kind of water balloons or something. Reading more of this thread maybe he is. Then he needs to grow up, but lets assume all is not lost and he is more mature then that....


So after reading your other post - (Finding posts you started with the new interface seems way to hard by the way unlike the old one where it was one button) - my last post above is good advice for someone who's husband is clueless and where mutual understanding plus some work is needed, not for an alcoholic husband who doesn't contribute much.

There needs someone reasonable to work with.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Laurentium said:


> I always wonder what it means, when someone puts different parts of their problem into separate threads.


It means they need to save drama and bandwidth and just lawyer up.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


TealDaisy said:



“most women would love that”.

Click to expand...

*He's a special kinda stupid, ain't he?

I really don't know anyone - male or female - who likes to be pawed at every single time they walk past their spouse. Your husband's an idiot with no self control and tries to act as though the problem is YOU, not him.

Oh Jesus, I just skimmed some of the other posts in this thread and see this guy is a drunken bum and this is only* one* of the many issues you have with him.

Why on earth are you choosing to STAY with an alcoholic? He's your ONLY option?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

TealDaisy said:


> My husband constantly gropes me. Every time I walk by him, give him a hug, walk up the stairs ahead of him, cuddle, get anywhere near him- he always gropes me. It really bugs me. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but all he says is “would you rather I wasn’t attracted to you?” And “most women would love that”. Absolutely nothing changes. Any advice?


My W loves me to grope her. Why do no care for it?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Nothing wrong with a good groping, but I'm seeing all the comments about H being a mean alcoholic. 

Two different circumstances.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Yeswecan said:


> My W loves me to grope her. Why do no care for it?


My wife & I grope each other.
If I don't grope her, she thinks I'm mad at her.
Just one of the sacrifices I make for a happy household>😊


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

Having it happen to me in the circumstance you just described, I would start to find it demeaning....like you're being lowered to nothing more than his personal piece of ass. 
It would tell me a lot about his mindset towards me and I would proceed accordingly.


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## TealDaisy (Feb 17, 2020)

VibrantWings said:


> Having it happen to me in the circumstance you just described, I would start to find it demeaning....like you're being lowered to nothing more than his personal piece of ass.


That’s exactly what it feels like. I don’t think it’s the type of groping that everyone is imagining. He will come up behind me and basically stick his finger up inside me through my clothes as fast as he can so i can’t stop him. If I tell him that my breasts are sore he will come up later and squeeze them hard.. it does not feel loving the way that he does it, and I feel like he does it sometimes just to show me that he can.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

VibrantWings said:


> Having it happen to me in the circumstance you just described, I would start to find it demeaning....like you're being lowered to nothing more than his personal piece of ass.
> It would tell me a lot about his mindset towards me and I would proceed accordingly.


If he isn’t bonding with you, or building you up as a woman in other areas within the relationship, this is exactly how it makes you feel. I can remember with my XH2, he had this annoying habit of shoving his hand in my crotch when I’d get in bed. I hated it. I told him this. He’d do it anyway. Sometimes it was his segueway into boring no-foreplay sex. (As if a hand in my crotch was supposed to instantly turn me on...) I stopped lying on my back when I’d get into bed, and would instead ball up on my side with my back to him. I hated feeling like I had to do that and I know it wasn’t a nice thing for him either. But goddam. Have some respect. If he’d been more affectionate and kind OUTSIDE of the bedroom then it may have been less of an issue. Couples who have a good rapport and playful bond play grabby grab and it’s fun for them.. when it’s done and the one person feels disrespected then that’s not ok. 


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

TealDaisy said:


> That’s exactly what it feels like. I don’t think it’s the type of groping that everyone is imagining. He will come up behind me and basically stick his finger up inside me through my clothes as fast as he can so i can’t stop him. If I tell him that my breasts are sore he will come up later and squeeze them hard.. it does not feel loving the way that he does it, and I feel like he does it sometimes just to show me that he can.


Holy crap. Girl you need to get out. 


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

TealDaisy said:


> ... I feel like he does it sometimes just to show me that he can.


Time to show Lover Boy that he CAN'T do this. You need to get out of this relationship. What he's doing is disrespectful, mean-spirited, and showing an utter lack for your boundaries. TIME TO ENFORCE YOUR BOUNDARIES.

Dump this loser like radioactive waste. He's beyond disgusting. Seriously.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

And you are with him because?


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## TealDaisy (Feb 17, 2020)

Openminded said:


> And you are with him because?


I have a really hard time leaving because I really worry about having to leave our daughter alone with him.
I also married him and I don’t take my vows lightly at all. I promised to stay through good times and bad.. that probably sounds really dumb, because I know he isn’t upholding his vows, but I still struggle with it.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

TealDaisy said:


> He will come up behind me and basically stick his finger up inside me through my clothes as fast as he can so i can’t stop him. If I tell him that my breasts are sore he will come up later and squeeze them hard.


Thanks for clarifying.

I'd classify that as domestic violence, and I'd suggest that there is a danger of the violence getting worse. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. At some point he may hit you. You need to think carefully about where you will draw the line.



TealDaisy said:


> I have a really hard time leaving because I really worry about having to leave our daughter alone with him.


Yes that sounds like a bad idea. Talk to someone professional about your options.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

TealDaisy said:


> I have a really hard time leaving because I really worry about having to leave our daughter alone with him.
> I also married him and I don’t take my vows lightly at all. I promised to stay through good times and bad.. that probably sounds really dumb, because I know he isn’t upholding his vows, but I still struggle with it.


“Bad times” is job loss.. family deaths... illness... not mental, emotional and physical abuse. He has broken his vows to YOU. He doesn’t deserve your loyalty or your respect, he hasn’t earned it. 

Document everything that goes on daily, especially his drinking and his abuse. Courts will not look well at that and most likely your daughter wouldn’t get stuck having to spend time with him. It’s very likely he wouldn’t want to have her anyway, judging by his behavior. Make a plan and get you both out of there. 


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

TealDaisy said:


> No. I invite him to do something with me and he just says “no thanks” and is on his phone all night texting his friends and drinking.


I think the groping is not the problem it is the lack of attention and neglect of your relationship that is the problem for you. It is hard to be intimate with someone who doesn't put you as a priority but seems to prioritise his buddies and his drinking over you. Tell him this. H I am attracted to you and don't mind the groping but I am not booty call, I am your wife and you give me no attention only when you want action. I am neglected and feel that I mean little to you, therefore I do not find your groping attractive in any way and I am not inclined to be intimate with you or put you as a priority when you put your drinking and buddies as a priority. I have tried to engage with you and include you in my activities but you show no interest. If this does not change our marriage is headed for trouble.

OK, I have not read the other thread some are referring to here, but it sounds like your H is really a n uncouth philistine and you seriously need to get help and consider dumping him.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

TealDaisy said:


> That’s exactly what it feels like. I don’t think it’s the type of groping that everyone is imagining. He will come up behind me and basically stick his finger up inside me through my clothes as fast as he can so i can’t stop him. If I tell him that my breasts are sore he will come up later and squeeze them hard.. it does not feel loving the way that he does it, and I feel like he does it sometimes just to show me that he can.


Hmm, yeah, that's a dominance move. It doesn't feel sexy and loving because it's not loving and it's not even really about sex. It's about expressing his dominance over you. He knows you don't like it, and some part of him is enjoying both causing you embarrassment and discomfort and _knowing_ that he can. He's marking his territory. He might as well just pee on your foot.

OP, your husband is an emotionally abusive alcoholic. One with some rather nasty control issues. My advice - as someone who was once married to an emotionally abusive alcoholic with nasty control issues - is that you get out as quickly and safely as possible and file for divorce.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TealDaisy said:


> I have a really hard time leaving because I really worry about having to leave our daughter alone with him.
> I also married him and I don’t take my vows lightly at all. I promised to stay through good times and bad.. that probably sounds really dumb, because I know he isn’t upholding his vows, but I still struggle with it.


Why would you leave your daughter and not take her with you? 

No thoughtful person has an easy time with divorce. You have to weigh your options and the context of his disrespect. Everyone has an obligation to protect the innocent, that is a societal obligation, because when we allow people to disrespect and abuse others unchecked we diminish ourselves and society in general. This is partly why marriage has fallen out of favor and why marriages continue to fail in such large numbers. We have not treated the bond with the importance and responsibility it deserves. Some marriages are an abomination and need to end. (Not saying yours is that bad, but from everything you say no one would argue it's great.)

Part of all of that means it's wrong to stay in a marriage where there is abuse and disrespect. This should at least be a part of your decision making. You should also look up long term effects with children of alcoholics. I wonder if you have any experience with that as well. Maybe you are even enabling him by protecting him from consequences. 

The point is sometimes there is a moral obligation to leave and you are actually doing the morally wrong thing by staying. You should at least consider this. 

Again you have a moral responsibility to protect the innocent, even if the innocent is you.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TealDaisy said:


> That’s exactly what it feels like. I don’t think it’s the type of groping that everyone is imagining. He will come up behind me and basically stick his finger up inside me through my clothes as fast as he can so i can’t stop him. If I tell him that my breasts are sore he will come up later and squeeze them hard.. it does not feel loving the way that he does it, and I feel like he does it sometimes just to show me that he can.


Being extremely generous I would call this gross, that ain't grouping. Before you do that I would think there is a lot of preliminary flirting and playfulness going on or something you guys have talked about as part of your dynamic. To just do that is like I said "gross".


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

That’s not groping. It’s abuse. He likes hurting you. Make a plan and get out.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

TealDaisy said:


> That’s exactly what it feels like. I don’t think it’s the type of groping that everyone is imagining. He will come up behind me and basically stick his finger up inside me through my clothes as fast as he can so i can’t stop him. If I tell him that my breasts are sore he will come up later and squeeze them hard.. it does not feel loving the way that he does it, and I feel like he does it sometimes just to show me that he can.


Yes, that's creepy. That goes beyond playful spouse groping.
I would fast track getting your resources together for an exit.
Explore all resources for domestic violence victims in your area and utilize them.
See if you can get referral to a divorce attorney from them that has expertise in DV cases.
You need to do what is best and act in the best interests for the safety of you and your daughter
Best of luck.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Don’t ever become financially dependent on him.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Holy crap. This is not the kind of sexy hands-on-your-spouse stuff - this is outright abuse.

It sounds like he's been a big problem for a long time, and this is a symptom and not the root cause. I think you need to leave.

Quickly.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

I'm wondering if there are still people reading who find this behavior charming. No one has a right to shove his hand up into you without your permission whether you're married to him or not. He gets off on sexually abusing you....makes him feel "powerful". Personally, I think it makes him a desperate piece of **** but what do i know?


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

TealDaisy said:


> My husband constantly gropes me. Every time I walk by him, give him a hug, walk up the stairs ahead of him, cuddle, get anywhere near him- he always gropes me. It really bugs me. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but all he says is “would you rather I wasn’t attracted to you?” And “most women would love that”. Absolutely nothing changes. Any advice?


Would you prefer behind for his attention. You could all him to time it down. Be grateful that he is attracted to you. Many women here are lucky to even get a high when they ask.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Ed3n said:


> Would you prefer behind for his attention. You could all him to time it down. Be grateful that he is attracted to you. Many women here are lucky to even get a high when they ask.


I'm guessing you haven't read any of the other posts in this thread.

From the OP:


TealDaisy said:


> That’s exactly what it feels like. I don’t think it’s the type of groping that everyone is imagining. He will come up behind me and basically stick his finger up inside me through my clothes as fast as he can so i can’t stop him. If I tell him that my breasts are sore he will come up later and squeeze them hard.. it does not feel loving the way that he does it, and I feel like he does it sometimes just to show me that he can.


"Grateful" is about the LAST word I'd use to describe how the OP should be feeling, considering the guy is an abusive alcoholic ass-hole.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

TealDaisy said:


> That’s exactly what it feels like. I don’t think it’s the type of groping that everyone is imagining. He will come up behind me and basically stick his finger up inside me through my clothes as fast as he can so i can’t stop him. If I tell him that my breasts are sore he will come up later and squeeze them hard.. it does not feel loving the way that he does it, and I feel like he does it sometimes just to show me that he can.


WTF... imagine if he said 'my balls are sore..' then later you went up and kicked him in them?

Has he always been this way in your relationship? Regardless, personally I'd be telling him to cut that shet out - and heading out the door.


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## Bilbo115265 (Apr 24, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> You might need to read 5 love languages together.
> 
> I grope Mrs. Conan every day, several times a day and she has become accustomed as well as reciprocal.
> 
> He might need to improve his classiness and grace with you and you might need to get a little more rubber meets the road with your husband for you both to connect.


I grope my wife a lot she says ok just grab her boobs in a store


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## Katrina Young (Nov 8, 2021)

My fiance groped me all the time and I loved it. Nipples, crotch,boobs, ass...his hands were constantly all over my body. Lately, he has stopped and I am worried, hope he isn't groping someone else's. I love being his sex object, I love that he objectifies me and yet loves me so truly. 
Why do you women not like it?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Katrina Young said:


> My fiance groped me all the time and I loved it. Nipples, crotch,boobs, ass...his hands were constantly all over my body. Lately, he has stopped and I am worried, hope he isn't groping someone else's. I love being his sex object, I love that he objectifies me and yet loves me so truly.
> Why do you women not like it?


Because we're actual women.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

I think the OP and Katrina should switch husbands... 

p.s. I only mildly grope my wife and not in public... mostly...


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## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

TealDaisy said:


> My husband constantly gropes me. Every time I walk by him, give him a hug, walk up the stairs ahead of him, cuddle, get anywhere near him- he always gropes me. It really bugs me. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but all he says is “would you rather I wasn’t attracted to you?” And “most women would love that”. Absolutely nothing changes. Any advice?


Develop
I will pat my w on the backside sometime its ok, other times she slaps my hands away and says STop that.
She dresses /undress in the bathroom does not want to be touched. Hides her body from me. Says it the way she was raised /weapons grade b s this started ten years ago


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Deguello said:


> Develop
> I will pat my w on the backside sometime its ok, other times she slaps my hands away and says STop that.
> She dresses /undress in the bathroom does not want to be touched. Hides her body from me. Says it the way she was raised /weapons grade b s this started ten years ago


That must be torture to deal with! I have probably felt and seen my wife's milk cannons nearly everyday for at least the last year 🤣. It's like the first time everytime lol


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## Myself Being Myself (10 mo ago)

TealDaisy said:


> My husband constantly gropes me. Every time I walk by him, give him a hug, walk up the stairs ahead of him, cuddle, get anywhere near him- he always gropes me. It really bugs me. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but all he says is “would you rather I wasn’t attracted to you?” And “most women would love that”. Absolutely nothing changes. Any advice?


Gee, my husband does the same thing. And he says that same things your husband does. I think it must be about respect because I know that is a problem in my marriage. Personally, I think it's a combination of: (1) the way Christianity teaches men to treat woman as their subordinates, (2) the way sexual activity is presented on TV shows and other "media", (3) my husband's general deafness to words such as "Honey, here's what I'd really like, please."

I used to enjoy my husband's sexual overtures. He used to like to cuddle too. But as he has aged, he has changed into some sort of cave man. The sweet young man I married seems to have disappeared (along with his thick head of dark hair, lol.)

Here's an example of what happens with my husband. Whenever I stop to give him a hug or scoot over to sit closer to him on the sofa, he responds by grabbing my crotch, buttocks, or breasts. Just goes straight for the sex zones when what I really want is a lovely hug in return or an arm around my shoulder accompanied by a smile, or maybe even a peck on the cheek, neck or lips. I try to steer him by sweetly laughing and saying, "Oh, could you scratch my back, it's sooo itchy," or something like that. I don't want to repel him because I do love him, but it's like he has given up on the idea of foreplay and sees me as some easily-available sex toy that he can squeeze whenever he pleases. Like I'm not a woman with feelings. I have often tried the approach of teasing him to get him to stop, by playfully saying, "Hey, Buster, you can't just grab for the goodies! Give me a hug/kiss." His pat retort is to laugh and say, "Well, I paid for these boobies." Squeeze, squish. (No, I don't have breast implants. He means that he has supported me financially during the time when I was a stay-at-home mother with our four kids.) Also, after years of squeezing my breasts like they're made of Play-Doh and hearing me say, "Hey, don't squeeze so hard...that hurts!" he still seems totally surprised. "Oh does it? I'm sorry." 

How does your husband treat you when it comes to foreplay? Does he think that his anytime groping is actually foreplay? My husband's idea of foreplay these days is "Hey, my cannons are getting full and I was wondering if you could help me with that tonight?" He seems to think this is cute. (Me internally: Yuck. Eye roll.) And after we have sex, he rolls right over and grabs his cell phone. Or starts whispering in my ear about the magic of electric car batteries. Pure romance.

And during sex, he never opens his eyes to look at my face. But he will look at our "nether regions". Also, he is very indelicate about "revving up my engine". He thinks that my "very special place" is like a button that he should just keep toggling until the motor is cranked up. (Cue the romantic butterflies, haha.)

My husband seems to think that once you've been married for awhile foreplay is not really necessary. He wasn't always like this or I wouldn't have married him. We've been married for 40 years and his weird "grab her by the p***y" behavior has morphed from actual foreplay at appropriate times with whispers of "I love you" followed up by satisfying sex...well that was quite a long time ago, in our pre-children years and when the kids were young. But as the years went by, he became more and more preoccupied with his job and less interested in me as a person. I think he may have fallen into a pattern that his mother described to me as part of her "sex talk" not long before our wedding: "You know, even when I'm very tired, I know that there's one more job I have to do before I can go to sleep." Apparently, his father was a "wam, bam, thank you mam" kind of guy too. At the time I thought, "Oh that's horrible. I could never treat sex like a job. I love him sooo much." (Bless that dewy-eyed 20-year-old girl who I used to be. Sigh.)

After the birth of my fourth child, my post-natal bleeding was continuing longer than usual. Three weeks after giving birth, my husband felt he could wait no longer to have intercourse with me again--he insisted and cajoled and guilted me into doing it even though I expressed very clearly that I didn't feel ready until the bleeding was finished. I gave in and got through it, uncomfortable though it was. Writing this, I'm wondering why I didn't push back harder? Probably just sheer exhaustion. With my husband, it is most often easier to just give in rather than risk starting a war that he is just going to win anyway.

Looks like I need to read the replies to your post. I wish you luck with this problem. We all deserve to be touched in a way that feels good.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

It's all about a complete lack of respect. When a man says he "paid for you," that tells you everything you need to know about how he sees you. You're a thing, not a person, and no one deserves to be treated with such blatant disrespect. That some men do so with such glee and brag about it is disgusting and proves that the disrespect is not unintended.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Scott's Wife said:


> After the birth of my fourth child, my post-natal bleeding was continuing longer than usual. Three weeks after giving birth, my husband felt he could wait no longer to have intercourse with me again--he insisted and cajoled and guilted me into doing it even though I expressed very clearly that I didn't feel ready until the bleeding was finished. I gave in and got through it, uncomfortable though it was. Writing this, I'm wondering why I didn't push back harder? Probably just sheer exhaustion. With my husband, it is most often easier to just give in rather than risk starting a war that he is just going to win anyway.


😱 😱 😱 😱 😱 You should have kicked him right between the legs. Then the very next day walk up to him, grab his grapes and say I want sex now and don't be a biotch about it. 🤣


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## Myself Being Myself (10 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> 😱 😱 😱 😱 😱 You should have kicked him right between the legs. Then the very next day walk up to him, grab his grapes and say I want sex now and don't be a biotch about it. 🤣


Haha. You are right that I need to learn how to stand my ground. I'm currently working with a therapist on finding my voice and gaining a sense of personal autonomy and power.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Myself Being Myself said:


> Haha. You are right that I need to learn how to stand my ground. I'm currently working with a therapist on finding my voice and gaining a sense of personal autonomy and power.


I hope you succeed, because your husband is gross and you deserve better. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TealDaisy said:


> That’s exactly what it feels like. I don’t think it’s the type of groping that everyone is imagining. He will come up behind me and basically stick his finger up inside me through my clothes as fast as he can so i can’t stop him. If I tell him that my breasts are sore he will come up later and squeeze them hard.. it does not feel loving the way that he does it, and I feel like he does it sometimes just to show me that he can.


It's abuse the way he's doing it. And it's abuse that he does it when he knows you hate it. You have to leave this guy.


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