# What is it's purpose....?



## Justme D (Oct 21, 2013)

Hi guys,

I've been married for 11 years now and my husband likes to look at porn. I honestly do not understand the hype... Why do you watch it? Is it a learning tool; fantasy what! My body is not bad..I have curves in all the right places so sometimes this makes me feel like he's not into me. Then I find myself warranting the attention of other men. Could someone please help me to understand....please!


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

There are about a million threads around here on porn already and we still don't have the definitive answer to this. It seems to be different for different guys, but I think what it boils down to is that that's just the way guys brains are wired. If naked women are available to look at, they look at them. If it's important to their mate, and they care enough what their mate thinks, or if they decide for themselves it's a bad idea, then most are able to resist the urge, but it seems that the default for most guys is to look.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Speaking as woman who didn't understand the allure myself.. UNTIL I had a sex drive explosion (in Mid life) and porn suddenly became *ELECTRIC* to me...I felt like I stepped into the mind of a young raging hormonal teen male...it's all I wanted to set my eyes on...we rented it for a time...it was a lot of fun! 

I've read a few books on Hormones, and *Testosterone*...Men have 10 times PLUS more over women (our LUST hormone)...highest levels in their younger years..... and studies in the male brain show more activity in certain areas -over women...you simply will never "get it" unless you are a man... (or possibly experience the brain Hi-jack I seemed to have)...

Now if he is using it OVER YOU, has some sort of addiction where Porn is interfering with his daily life/ activities..... all of this is not healthy for a marriage -and he may need help....but that doesn't seem to be your question/ situation .... 

It is a rare man who doesn't slip a little porn now & then, even if they are his convictions. One of man's greatest battles >> Every religious man worth any salt knows this - why such books have been written >> 

Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time ...

My husband is very satisfied with my body, our sex life, heck I am more creative than he is [email protected]#$ But he still likes to look , he is almost 50 and this has not changed in 31 yrs being together.. before we met he had 300 Playboys under his bed.. as far as I am concerned, when he looses that desire, he is ready for Testosterone Replacement Therapy.. so happy he is still kicking !

We save all our orgasms for each other.. this works for me!


----------



## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Because they can. That is the answer. It's naked women. Do we really need to ask why they look? Some men take it too far. Some don't. Most of the time (not all of the time), women find it a turn off and they lose self confidence and that results in loss of sex drive or desire for the H. Other times, lack of sex and desire for the H is the reason they turn to porn. Some men need variety and that is the way they get it without cheating. Some are curious. Some learn new positions and such. Some do all of the above. It's different for every guy. If you have an honest guy, ask him what his preference is in porn. If it's something you can do more of, do it. If not, decide if it's a deal breaker for you and proceed from there. Either he will slow it down or give it up...or he won't. 

It really just depends on the guy. 

Search the forum for porn threads. There are plenty of them.


----------



## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

You posted this in the "no-drive" thread in the Ladies Lounge:



Justme D said:


> I just turned 39 and earlier I had no sex drive and really wasn't affectionate BUT now it's like my body has exploded...


These are probably related. If you've been low/no-drive for some time, he's finding an outlet somewhere.

Even if you had a wild, slamming sex life, he may still want to look at porn. It's fantasy, it's turn-on. Does he neglect your needs because of it? Is it causing him trouble, like he's obsessed or compelled to view it in public or on work computers? Do you have a moral opposition to it?

If the answer to any of those is "yes," then you need to have a clear conversation with him. If the answer to all that is "no," then don't worry about it too much.


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

To the OP, is his porn use something you are ok with or not? I see people come here and say they don't mind the porn use but then complain about it. Chances are they are
not ok with it, and that is their right as it is yours if you are not ok with it. Have you asked him to stop? The more I read about porn issues in marriage and hear of how their spouses 
use it regardless of someone's feelings, the more I'm convinced they are with the wrong person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

what is everybody's definition of porn?

i like looking at pictures of naked women when they're solo. don't make it a habit, but used to do it occasionally. I would go to non-porn sites that just have pictures with some revealing or naked shots. is that porn?

i generally think of porn as pictures or (especially) videos of people have kinky sex.

as a guy, i think i get the attraction to porn, although it's very hard to articulate. men are very visual; that's all i can think of.

just for me personally, i don't like to see videos of people engaging in sex. mainstream movies with sex scenes don't turn me on at all.

only pictures of revealing or naked women


----------



## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

When our sex life was healthy, I rarely looked at it. When I did, it was not because I was replacing my wife with a fantasy. It was because I had sex on the mind and also because it is fun. There were times when I would look at it thinking that the wife was not in the mood but then get the hint that maybe she was up for it. I would drop what I was doing and gladly take the wife. It did not always work but the point is that the porn never infringed upon our time together.


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Justme D said:


> I've been married for 11 years now and my husband likes to look at porn. I honestly do not understand the hype... Why do you watch it? Is it a learning tool; fantasy what! My body is not bad..I have curves in all the right places so sometimes this makes me feel like he's not into me. Then I find myself warranting the attention of other men. Could someone please help me to understand....please!


It depends on what you mean by porn. Pornography is by definition, sexually explicit. I honestly don't understand what the attraction is in watching other people engage in sexual acts.

If you're talking about the beauty of the human body, specifically, the depiction of the female form, (Which even gay men appreciate) I think it ultimately comes down to the male fascination with lines and shapes. 

It's not that women don't like these things too. It just doesn't seem to affect them in the same way. I've never in my life heard a woman remark that the lines of a jet fighter or race car or thoroughbred horse are somehow, "Sexy." On the other hand, I've heard many men say that and it wasn't because they wanted to have sex with airplanes, cars and horses. I think it's because mentally processing the sleekness and curves of the form somehow tickles that part of the brain. 

When you take into consideration that none of those things even begins to compare to the female body, you get an inkling of what the 'draw' is here.


----------



## Boogiemaster (Oct 11, 2012)

Why do men watch porn when they have a good looking wife?

Why do wife's watch male strippers when they have a husband?

Its just something to watch and its not a case of not loving our wife's .


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

As a woman I don't have an issue with my partner watching porn, I watch it too sometimes. I am a visual person and very HD and only watch porn to rev my engine, the end result is always having sex with SO or if he is not here I have some "me" time. It is all good.

I have no interest in controlling my partners life, mind or porn watching, he is a grown man and his own boss.
However we have a very good sex life, if it was the case that he was watching porn and not meeting my needs we would have a big problem. As it is he watches less porn now because of our sex life, he came from a marriage that had become sexless and he watched porn to fill that void.

We have plans to go to a live sex show together soon and then get a hotel in the city for the night


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

"What is its purpose?"


For some people the purpose is to use a substance to not deal with life and connect with their partner. Emotional detachment from a person comes to mind. Substance, as in, anything such as alcohol, drugs porn, gambling etc, to escape from whatever.


----------



## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

For me, the only time I reverted to porn was when my (now XWW) started ignoring my needs to a point where I couldn't take it anymore. 

After being repeatedly rejected for such a long time and our sex life becoming an obvious duty for her, I looked for stimulation on the internet. I would have much rather had her. I wanted her but it was obvious she didn't feel the same for me. She was full of excuses. It was a gradual decline over the years and after 3 children. Things got so bad that I would actually fantasize about having sex with my own wife. How sad is that? 

Porn was a last resort to satisfy my own needs, and a poor one at that. It was an escape to a world where a woman actually wanted me…a fantasy. 

A while later I found out she had been cheating on me for about 2 years. 

Yes, I divorced her…and then he dumped her.


----------

