# Career Question



## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

This isn't a relationship question per se but it does affect my marriage and family.

Briefly, my H and I both work full-time making good money (I make six figures, H makes close to that). We have 2 boys, ages 9 and 5. I work 8am - 5pm Monday through Friday but with my 45 minute commute each way plus daycare drop-off, it's more realistically 7am - 6pm.

I haven't been happy for awhile in my career but I can't figure out how to change it. I like my job (mostly) and the people I work with (mostly) and I get paid very well. It would be next to impossible to find a better job closer to home and/or with more flexible hours. I would take a HUGE (50% or more) pay cut. The problem is that my kids are still young and I feel like I'm missing out on everything. Every morning/evening is a rush, I'm constantly stressed out getting everything done. I never get to go to their soccer/karate practice and it's really hard to even find activities that they can participate in around our work schedules. The only real time I spend with them is on the weekends. Plus I hate spending 1.5 hours in the car every day when I could be seeing my family, cleaning my house, grocery shopping, working out. I'm constantly battling my weight but when I'm not even home 11 hours a day, it's really tough to fit in regular exercise. 

And to be honest, some days at work are busy and some days I'm just "filling time" until 5pm when I could be doing other more productive things. It's very frustrating. 

So, the only options I can think of are:

1. Start my own at home business. Obviously there are lots of risks there. I might not make much money and it might take even MORE time. But at least it could be somewhat flexible and I could have control.

2. Ask my boss if I could work from home. This would really go against the grain of the company culture and they wouldn't like it at all. OTOH, they really don't want to lose me and to a certain extent, I could force the issue if I wanted (within limits).

I guess my question is - Did any other working moms transition to working from home? How did your boss take it? How do you handle it overall? Does it work well? 

Maybe the grass isn't greener? I don't know! Any advice?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I Talked my boss into a 4 day work week. Switched jobs twice to get closer to home. Ended up quitting and doing side work. Downsized my life dramatically so I could quit all together. This took 3.5 years after my first was born. I was determined to find a way to be with my kids more.

Meant giving up 63% of our income but it was totally worth it.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

My wife went from full time to half time. She was tortured and need to be more active as a mom. Her status in her job encouraged them to allow the reduction of hours. It allowed her to do more of what she wanted but she was still conflicted at times and you will need to deal with it even if you reduce hours.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

OP, companies are being more flexible these days. There are a few options you did not put on your list

Work from home part time and go to the office part time

Work 4 - 10's and have 3 days at home

Cut your hours to 6 hours per day - or even 4 - or just work 3 days per week and have 4 at home

Move closer to your work

As someone who has worked from home, it is harder than it seems. When you are home you see all the other things you could (should) be doing and WANT to do so that makes it tough to concentrate on work. Also, there are interruptions. When you are at work and talk to someone about a non-work related subject, you are still on the clock and are getting paid. But when at home it is easy to discount that time (at least it is for me because I don't feel honest charging for personal time when at home) and then you spend even more time working. So a 4 hour day becomes a 4.5 or 5 hour day.

I understand how you feel about your kids. You get one chance and when it is gone, it is gone.


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

If the stress is that unbearable, you may have to get out the scales and weigh out the pros and cons of a job change.

Can you do away with some extras in life for a few years to pursue the quality time you desire, then get back into your current career later in life?


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I started my own business and work from home, I probably work 20 hours more a week than my previous job of 60 hours... sometimes I work 16 hour days.

So.. yeah.. it's hard.. I'm actually back to working PT for a company and just doing this on the side. 

I don't have kids.

I would speak to your boss and try to figure something out so you're not so stressed. OR make a plan for the next 6 months- 1 year to SAVE as much of your salary as you can and look for another job closer to home. 

BTW totally sympathize with the commute.. mine was 1 1/2 - 2 hours ONE way!


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## Natalie789 (Aug 24, 2013)

I'm not a mom, but my husband and I have our own business and we work 24/7. We went almost a month without a single day off. I wish I had a normal 9-5 or 7-6.

Working for yourself has its rewards, but it's not as "flexible" as you would think.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Natalie789 said:


> I'm not a mom, but my husband and I have our own business and we work 24/7. We went almost a month without a single day off. I wish I had a normal 9-5 or 7-6.
> 
> Working for yourself has its rewards, but it's not as "flexible" as you would think.


That's one of my fears. I guess I feel like at least I would have more control over the hours but you're right, I might end up working way more just to make a living. There are hours I would spend working for clients but then there's also "unbillable" time like finding new clients, updating my website, billing my time, etc. 

At the same time, it's really the only way to have the freedom and control over my time that I just don't have working a "regular" job for someone else.


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## Natalie789 (Aug 24, 2013)

Another thing to keep in mind is that clients can be just as or more demanding as a boss. My husband's clients call in the middle of dinner, at 10 at night, etc. It's really annoying.

Could you try asking your boss if you could work from home 2 days per week? Or maybe you could work longer hours every day and then have a whole weekday off?


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Working from home is isolating. And working from home rarely comes with benefits such as health insurance, paid vacations, 401K, paid holidays. Most companies who have work from home employees play the loopholes in fed labor regulations and laws so that you are no longer afforded the same fringe benefits that you were doing the same job at the Brick & Mortar facility.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Natalie789 said:


> Another thing to keep in mind is that clients can be just as or more demanding as a boss. My husband's clients call in the middle of dinner, at 10 at night, etc. It's really annoying.
> 
> Could you try asking your boss if you could work from home 2 days per week? Or maybe you could work longer hours every day and then have a whole weekday off?


I've thought about asking my boss if I could work from home one or two days a week. That's an option but I fear that it would create a lot of tension at work. My boss would probably let me do it if it came down to losing me over the issue but he probably wouldn't like it and it might become an issue of everyone thinking I'm "goofing off" at home. Maybe I would just have to get over that.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

justonelife said:


> I've thought about asking my boss if I could work from home one or two days a week. That's an option but I fear that it would create a lot of tension at work. My boss would probably let me do it if it came down to losing me over the issue but he probably wouldn't like it and it might become an issue of everyone thinking I'm "goofing off" at home. Maybe I would just have to get over that.


I think the question is whether you would indeed be "goofing off" at home. I have a fairly lenient work at home policy for my staff, however I still expect the same performance whether they're down the hall or at their dining table. That means keeping the same hours, the same responsiveness and managing their time appropriately. That is to say, if someone is working at home to wait for the repairman, whatever time is spent dealing with the repair stuff should either be leave time or else made up. It isn't a license to run errands, hit the gym and run the carpool unless that can be fit into lunch breaks, etc. I hold myself and my staff to a higher standard when working offsite, actually. I can only imagine it would be more so if there isn't an established corporate culture for working at home.

I think you might have better luck negotiating a flex schedule or a reduction in FTE, although that still depends heavily on the company and its culture.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I think there are a lot of good options mentioned here. If you work from home, know that you are going to have to give it your ALL because those in the office may think you're goofing off. 

What about four 10-hour days? Or skipping lunch, eat at your desk and leave an hour early? Or negotiate a lower salary in exchange for 3/4 days or the 4-day work week. 

At your salaries you should have someone clean your house for you so your time at home isn't filled with mundane tasks.

Work in exercise by doing something with the boys. Make it a point to ride bikes with them or take a family walk after dinner every evening.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

As a mother of a 23 year old, my advice is to find ways to not NEED that salary and cut your hours in half so you don't miss out on your kids growing up. Surely you don't have $180,000/year in bills?


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