# Have you ever been in appropriately propositioned



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

By "improperly", I mean the either you were married / in a committed relationship, and / or you knew the other person was. By "propositioned", I mean someone making it clear beyond a reasonable doubt that they wanted sex with you in a situation where it would have been reasonably possible for you to do so and not get caught. 

I'm not asking anyone if they gave in to the temptation (and please don't say), just if they have every been given the offer. 

I'm curious how often people are subjected to temptation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes, a lot when I was younger.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

uhtred said:


> By "improperly", I mean the either you were married / in a committed relationship, and / or you knew the other person was. By "propositioned", I mean someone making it clear beyond a reasonable doubt that they wanted sex with you in a situation where it would have been reasonably possible for you to do so and not get caught.
> 
> I'm not asking anyone if they gave in to the temptation (and please don't say), just if they have every been given the offer.
> 
> I'm curious how often people are subjected to temptation.


*Way back in the oilfield days of the 1980's and earlier in the early 1970's as a college frat-rat; both by much older women!

I took a pass both times!*


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Only once for sure, once someone started hinting that way. I'm not often in situations where its likely to happen.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Yes several times although it hasn't happened for a few years now.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

It happened quite a bit when I was in my 20s. Not so much in my 30s, but then again I've spent as much time in my 30s single (divorced) as I have spent married. And I went out much more in my 20s to bars and other places where that seems to happen. In my late 20s and early 30s, I never went out--I spent all my time working or in grad school/studying. What precious spare time I had, I spent being ignored by my now-XH.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Yes, it started when I was 14 ... no I wasn't married but I still consider it inappropriate because of my age vs. their age (grown men). It still happens once in a while to this day.

Strangely enough, it always happened more frequently while visiting or living in Europe, which I have done regularly for my entire life.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

All the time when I was younger. Sometimes, I would even be with my boyfriend, and if/when he'd go out of eyesight or earshot had guys trying to get me to ditch him in favour of them.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I was inappropriately approached a lot after I got married. Secretaries, women I met on public transportation, women at conventions and hotel bars during business trips, friend's wives, and more. Seems that once you get married, make good money and get buff in the Army, girls want to have sex with you. What is surprising is that even though I was in a non monogamous marriage, I never had sex with a woman when I was away from home. Mostly played with others with my wife and a lot of women do not take you seriously when you invite them home to join you and the wife in bed.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Yes of course, haven't most women?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I was 14 or so, she was in her mid 30s, attractive, but really severely mentally ill.

She scared the **** out of me, to be honest.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

In a hotel in Rotterdam an English woman who I had never met walked up to me and offered to pay me to spend the night with her.
I was at a table with my parents at the time.My dad asked her how much would she pay,My mom nearly killed him.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Yes, many times, and it seems it started happening even more the first few years after I got married. I never gave in to the temptation, however. I learned to not put myself in that position anymore, thankfully, so it is extremely rare now.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

It happened very often starting from my early teens. My girlfriends and I worked on mastering the "eff off face" when it started happening accompanied by the unwanted touches on the arm/shoulder/hand etc while we were out partying. Very effective, I practice it to this day.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm a reasonably attractive woman who has worked in a male-dominant industry since my early 20s, so of course I have. It happens less often these days, due likely to the facts that I now spend less time in the field than in years past, have gotten very good at deflecting that sort of open interest, and am now 40.


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## AussieRN (Mar 28, 2013)

Male in a female dominated field here. Over the years a few very blatant and a few more subtle.
Great for the ego sometimes but mostly it just makes working with that person weirder.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Quite often actually. I'm 6' 3" 245 lbs and do security work on the side at concert venues. I get propositioned sometimes 3-4 times a night, either to meet up with them after the shows or sometimes they want to do me "A favor" to get backstage. And although yes, I have thought about it at times, I have never taken any of them up on it.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Since I've been married? No, not really. I talk about my wife a lot, don't go to bars or dancing, and generally don't place myself in a position to be hit on. Most of my free time is with my wife. Plus, I own my business and work from home. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> I was 14 or so, she was in her mid 30s, attractive, but really severely mentally ill.
> 
> She scared the **** out of me, to be honest.


This. 

I have been propositioned a few times. However, on nearly all of them, you could just sense the crazy.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I think this is a good discussion because what one thinks is inappropriate and improper may differ.

How friendly is too friendly? Is flitting inappropriate? What is considered friendly and flirting? 

I find it funny because I've witnessed this interaction many times when a guy is talking to a women, and she appears like she is flirting, and then they stop and he is like "oh I could sleep with her if I wanted", or "I can have her If I want" type of talk. I find it hilarious because they are so overly confident. There are times when I'm in a good mood and I'm laughing and joking and the guy is just funny and they probably think "they have me", when in reality I just love to laugh and your funny. 

So my opinion is... yes men "flirt" with me when they know I'm married. At a certain point if it gets too far I ALWAYS find a way to mention my husband. To me, that is like telling the person I don't want anything to happen between us. There are times when I'm talking to a married guy and it may appear we are "flirting" but we're just flirting and that's it. It's not serious. I'm a nurse, this happens a lot because we work with many attractive men and women.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I've only been flat-out propositioned (inappropriately) three times that I can think of: by a housewife 20 years older than I was at the time, by a woman I discovered was a hooker, and by a man.

None of them were particularly tempting.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Aside from being frequently propositioned by the TAM mods?

Not including the times i have been hit on, only to realize I am the one hitting on my image in the mirror ....

Back in college when I had a gf (eventually my W), had my manager (male) at Blockbuster Video hit on me (told everyone he had a dream and I was dessert, his BF would call the store to check up on me, etc...). Been a few other instances (with both men and women), but in general I am never really in a position to even be hit on if there was even any sort of interest.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Aside from being frequently propositioned by the TAM mods?


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

uhtred said:


> By "improperly", I mean the either you were married / in a committed relationship, and / or you knew the other person was. By "propositioned", I mean someone making it clear beyond a reasonable doubt that they wanted sex with you in a situation where it would have been reasonably possible for you to do so and not get caught.
> 
> I'm not asking anyone if they gave in to the temptation (and please don't say), just if they have every been given the offer.
> 
> I'm curious how often people are subjected to temptation.


First, I have not given into the temptation, but lots of times all the following while married.

I was walking from my hotel to a local restaurant once at a conference and a "lady-of-the-night" came up to me and asked if I would like a "date and a good time."

I was going down an elevator once packed with a group of farmers wives visiting Chicago for a Christmas shopping expedition, when one of them asked me if I would like to join them for dinner and possible a nightcap afterwards.

I was sitting on an airplane next to a pretty young bank worker, when we started talking. At the end of the flight she told me that if I wanted to leave first as she had no one to go home to. She then said that she was tired and was going to get a hotel at the airport and charge it to her company. She would love for me to join her for drinks, dinner and some fun.

I was providing testimony before a state legislative field hearing on increasing funding in schools for children with disabilities. After I made my presentation a MILF, came up to me and told me I was really impressive and asked if we could have coffee. Her body and her body language were pretty impressive.

I had an interesting massage and the masseuse asked if I would like any extras, like maybe a BJ. (Never went back to that massage parlor)

I once,right after work while dressed in nice business clothes, went to a junkyard to buy a part for my truck and the woman clerk who wrote up the sale, called me cupcake and asked if I wanted to maybe stick around until she got off work in a few minutes, then go somewhere for a drink.

There are more, but this should give you an idea.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

This is why we need good sensible boundaries with the opposite sex, so that the opportunities for this to happen are rare. 

As for me, I was far far too busy bringing up three children from the age of 21 to meet or be interested in meeting other men. LOL. 
Anyone who would ask a married or committed person for sex is beneath contempt in my opinion.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> This is why we need good sensible boundaries with the opposite sex, so that the opportunities for this to happen are rare.


Although I agree that boundaries are necessary, it is not like everyone here is asking to be hit on each time. A lot of times it is out of one's control (i.e. work, out with friends, at the gym, in the dressing room at Old Navy, etc...).


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> Since I've been married? No, not really. I talk about my wife a lot, don't go to bars or dancing, and generally don't place myself in a position to be hit on. Most of my free time is with my wife. Plus, I own my business and work from home.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


That's the same with my husband.We work from home and do a lot together. If you stay away from bars, clubs etc where people who are looking for casual sex go, then its far less likely to happen. 
If my husband has to stay away in a hotel for work, he will chose a small bed and breakfast type place, and will just go out for a long walk in the evening and wont hang around in bars (he doesn't drink anyway). There are many ways we can avoid this happening to us.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Although I agree that boundaries are necessary, it is not like everyone here is asking to be hit on each time. A lot of times it is out of one's control (i.e. work, out with friends, at the gym, in the dressing room at Old Navy, etc...).


Yes but that's why you need boundaries, to reduce the likelihood of it happening, and if it does happen you already have those personal boundaries in place to nip it in the bud. 
So if you dont spend time alone with someone of the opposite sex, then they wont have that opportunity to ask you.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Thats the same with my husband.We work from home and do a lot together. If you stay away from bars, clubs etc where people who are looking for casual sex go, then its far less likely to happen.


I've also been told I have a "resting ***** face", so that probably part of it too. I always look lost in thought. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Yes but that's why you need boundaries, to reduce the likelihood of it happening, and if it does happen you already have those personal boundaries in place to nip it in the bud.
> So if you dont spend time alone with someone of the opposite sex, then they wont have that opportunity to ask you.


Why are you assuming this is all about spending alone time with someone of the opposite sex only? You could easily go out with a group of friends and get hit on. Then there are work situations, etc...

Yes, there are times people put themselves out there to be hit on, no doubt, and IMO poor boundaries. However, there are many other instances where this is not the case.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Why are you assuming this is all about spending alone time with someone of the opposite sex only? You could easily go out with a group of friends and get hit on. Then there are work situations, etc...
> 
> Yes, there are times people put themselves out there to be hit on, no doubt, and IMO poor boundaries. However, there are many other instances where this is not the case.


I said that it can reduce the times it happens by sensible boundaries and thinking about the places you go and who you go with.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> I've also been told I have a "resting ***** face", so that probably part of it too. I always look lost in thought.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


LOL

My husband is a very clever men whose mind is often on his research work. I suspect he often wouldn't even notice if a woman was hitting on him.:grin2:


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Aside from being frequently propositioned by the TAM mods?


I though you said you would keep that on the DL...

Dammit...


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Nope, I'm too damn ugly. And, even if I were, I am too clueless to get it. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I'm probably the minority here but I find nothing wrong with light flirting. I have boundaries and I always put them in place, but I like a little flirt here and there.


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## WhiplashWish (Mar 20, 2017)

Sometimes. Usually when alcohol is around and the numbers are either really small (2-4) or really big (20+). I guess that leaves 5-19 as the safe numbers for spouses...


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I'm probably the minority here but I find nothing wrong with light flirting. I have boundaries and I always put them in place, but I like a little flirt here and there.


I own a gym,a very big one.I only bought it about eight months ago and I have over fifty female employees.They flirt all the time with me and the customers, I don't pay much heed.Nine of them have offered to have sex with me,not hinting or flirting,they have offered me everything from a blowjob to full sex and the worst thing is they all know my girlfriend and know she is pregnant.It's all a power game they want to be the one who ****s the boss.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> I own a gym,a very big one.I only bought it about eight months ago and I have over fifty female employees.They flirt all the time with me and the customers, I don't pay much heed.Nine of them have offered to have sex with me,not hinting or flirting,they have offered me everything from a blowjob to full sex and the worst thing is they all know my girlfriend and know she is pregnant.It's all a power game they want to be the one who ****s the boss.




Interesting, the gym I go to, I've never experienced flirting. But, then again I'm the old ugly guy (50s) surrounded by 20 and 30 year olds. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Ikaika said:


> Nope, I'm too damn ugly. And, even if I were, I am too clueless to get it.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


^This. 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Ikaika said:


> Interesting, the gym I go to, I've never experienced flirting. But, then again I'm the old ugly guy (50s) surrounded by 20 and 30 year olds.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


I travelled a lot all over the world for years living in hotels and I tried to workout every day.I honestly think I was flirted with at almost every hotel gym I ever went to.I wasn't misreading the situation because when I was single I would hook up with these girls all the time.Nothing sexier than getting physical with a physical trainer.lol.I don't think it's any coincidence that my gf is a former gym owner.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

No but I wish that I was (maybe we can make that another classification above). I spend my time nowadays being ignored by wife.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Yes but that's why you need boundaries, to reduce the likelihood of it happening, and if it does happen you already have those personal boundaries in place to nip it in the bud.
> So if you dont spend time alone with someone of the opposite sex, then they wont have that opportunity to ask you.


A stronger person can be out in the world, living life, working, socialising and have inbuilt boundaries and morals. Hiding yourself away from the world seems to imply that the internal boundaries and morals are fairly flimsy and not to be trusted.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EllisRedding said:


> Why are you assuming this is all about spending alone time with someone of the opposite sex only? You could easily go out with a group of friends and get hit on. Then there are work situations, etc...
> 
> Yes, there are times people put themselves out there to be hit on, no doubt, and IMO poor boundaries. However, there are many other instances where this is not the case.


I too wonder why some think this happens only when a person puts themselves in position to be propositioned.

Some people just act inappropriately, no matter how appropriate the other person is acting.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

katiecrna said:


> I'm probably the minority here but I find nothing wrong with light flirting. I have boundaries and I always put them in place, but I like a little flirt here and there.


I agree with light flirting to an extent.

But this thread is about propositioning which is not light flirting. :wink2:


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## BradWesley2 (Jul 15, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> I was 14 or so, she was in her mid 30s, attractive, but really severely mentally ill.
> 
> She scared the **** out of me, to be honest.


Reading your post Matt, and I had some scenes from Fatal Attraction, flash past my eyes.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Agreed, and light flirting is fun. I view light flirting as making the other person think that you desire them, but without ever saying so or ever suggesting anything specific. 




katiecrna said:


> I'm probably the minority here but I find nothing wrong with light flirting. I have boundaries and I always put them in place, but I like a little flirt here and there.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Often while in uniform. Once even by a porn star.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> I own a gym,a very big one.I only bought it about eight months ago and I have over fifty female employees.They flirt all the time with me and the customers, I don't pay much heed.Nine of them have offered to have sex with me,not hinting or flirting,they have offered me everything from a blowjob to full sex and the worst thing is they all know my girlfriend and know she is pregnant.It's all a power game they want to be the one who ****s the boss.


Its so sad that so many care nothing for your partner and baby.:frown2:


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

uhtred said:


> Agreed, and light flirting is fun. I view light flirting as making the other person think that you desire them, but without ever saying so or ever suggesting anything specific.


If you are married or in a relationship then I see it is completely disrespectful to the partner. If the one you flirt with is married the same applies. 
I would never treat my husband that way, nor he me.

This thread isn't talking about flirting though, but about a specific proposition for sex.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I too wonder why some think this happens only when a person puts themselves in position to be propositioned.
> 
> Some people just act inappropriately, no matter how appropriate the other person is acting.


 My point was that we can all act in a way that protects us and our marriage/relationship or not. I have always had strong boundaries in place with what I would or wouldn't do in relationship to a member of the opposite sex. I have seen far far too many marriages and people destroyed by people getting too close to another person and having no boundaries.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Constantly. And I don't react well to it, I never have. It greatly offends me that men ignore my wedding rings. I have my ring on my left hand, and my parents gold band on my other hand. So they don't even have the excuse of being confused on the hand. Plus it happens on trips when they know darn well I am with my husband. I remember one guy was so bold as to ask my H where I was one evening and that he was wanting to see me and proceed to tell him what a great personality I have and how beautiful I am.  H and I were both shocked on that one. How does a guy get the gall to go to your husband about that? Pisses me off. H says most women would like the attention. Instead I become furious. It is so disrespectful.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Spicy said:


> Constantly. And I don't react well to it, I never have. It greatly offends me that men ignore my wedding rings. I have my ring on my left hand, and my parents gold band on my other hand. So they don't even have the excuse of being confused on the hand. Plus it happens on trips when they know darn well I am with my husband. I remember one guy was so bold as to ask my H where I was one evening and that he was wanting to see me and proceed to tell him what a great personality I have and how beautiful I am.  H and I were both shocked on that one. How does a guy get the gall to go to your husband about that? Pisses me off. H says most women would like the attention. Instead I become furious. It is so disrespectful.


It IS very disrespectful, I agree with you. If a man flirted with me he would get the cold shoulder. Its does show what sort of people they are though, ones who do not respect other peoples relationships or marriages, so I would have nothing to do with them.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Interesting. I find having someone flirt at me to be flattering. On the few occasions that I've been propositioned, I've found it very flattering - even when it was a guy......






Spicy said:


> Constantly. And I don't react well to it, I never have. It greatly offends me that men ignore my wedding rings. I have my ring on my left hand, and my parents gold band on my other hand. So they don't even have the excuse of being confused on the hand. Plus it happens on trips when they know darn well I am with my husband. I remember one guy was so bold as to ask my H where I was one evening and that he was wanting to see me and proceed to tell him what a great personality I have and how beautiful I am.  H and I were both shocked on that one. How does a guy get the gall to go to your husband about that? Pisses me off. H says most women would like the attention. Instead I become furious. It is so disrespectful.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

uhtred said:


> Interesting. I find having someone flirt at me to be flattering. On the few occasions that I've been propositioned, I've found it very flattering - even when it was a guy......


And I think that is the norm. I'm not sure why my attitude is the way it is. If I was single it wouldn't bother me, but it just completely offends me when they know I'm married.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> My point was that we can all act in a way that protects us and our marriage/relationship or not. I have always had strong boundaries in place with what I would or wouldn't do in relationship to a member of the opposite sex. I have seen far far too many marriages and people destroyed by people getting too close to another person and having no boundaries.


I too have always had strong boundaries. It has not stopped men from making inappropriate advances/propositions. They were the ones who were inappropriate, not me.

For example when I was 22 and married, my boss started coming into my office to tell me about his wet dreams about me. And he would do things like massage my neck while doing it. I told him not to do it. That did not stop him. I needed the job because my husband had brain surgery. I was the only one working and we had thousands in medical bills to pay. I never could find a replacement job and eventually went into the Army to get away from it.

While in the Army my commanding officer decided that he was as in love with me and hounded me. There was nothing I could do except keep him at bay. I was assigned to often to drive officers around Europe. And some of those officers came on to me all often. Again there was not thing I could do to stop their words because in those days the military did not care about such things. I did not lead them on and was able to keep a distance so all of this went no where.

And those are only a few of the times I was propositioned by married men or men while I was married. The difference is that I did not stay locked up at home hiding from society. I have had an active life and thus have been around a lot of people. Some of those people were jerks who made inappropriate advances.

The idea that this only happens because the person being propositioned is asking for it is nonsense.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

katiecrna said:


> I find it funny because I've witnessed this interaction many times when a guy is talking to a women, and she appears like she is flirting, and then they stop and he is like "oh I could sleep with her if I wanted", or "I can have her If I want" type of talk. I find it hilarious because they are so overly confident. There are times when I'm in a good mood and I'm laughing and joking and the guy is just funny and they probably think "they have me", when in reality I just love to laugh and your funny.


Yep there's a big difference between frivolous flirting and explicit offers. My default position when a woman or even a man (since that sometimes happens) flirts with me, is they're just having some meaningless fun. Sure on some occasions it might be a fishing expedition, yet the fact is for the most part it's nothing more than just wanting to feel good with no intent at all.

The only time I have thought other women have wanted to have sex with me, is when they have made a very explicit pass or in a matter of fact way have asked me to have sex with them.

For example a few years ago, I was out shopping with my wife when this gay man started flirting with me. Flattering though it was, I'm heterosexual and in a monogamous marital relationship with my wife. Yet I certainly don't think he necessarily wanted to have sex with me, nor did I think his flirting was an offer of sex either.

Whereas when I was playing SAHP when our daughter was 1 and our son was 4, I made friends with this woman at a kids playgroup. She was attractive, married, our sons liked each other and we got on as well.

The weirdest thing about being a man taking my kids to playgroup, was the few other men that were there just seemed weird and effeminate to me. I just couldn't relate to those other men at all, yet I had absolutely no problem making friends with some of the other women.

Anyway that led to an invite to hers for a playdate, which saw her dressed somewhat loosely (imagination was not required) when I arrived (which surprised me). I then presumed she would get changed, yet instead she showed me her house and her bedroom where she offered, yet I turned her down so she just shrugged and got changed. I stayed a while longer cause our kids were still playing and subsequently didn't catch up with her again.

Likewise a few months into my exclusive relationship with my wife, she and I started effectively living together at hers. Although I did maintain my own address in shared housing elsewhere (where I kept most of my stuff) till we got married, lest my wife go through more drama with her mother who had already taken umbrage with her atheism. For the last 18 months I formally lived two doors away, which is where an attractive Japanese woman who was a new house mate propositioned me.

It was the first time I had been there for many weeks, when she started talking to me and asked if she could look at my music collection. So I showed her and after a short while, I could tell through the buzz in the air and her behaviour and the way she was in my space a bit that she was wanting. She then clumsily offered me sex, and then following being turned down wasn't happy about the rejection. Then as a consequence of that, she also claimed I must be gay to not want to do it with her (my wife thought the gay claim was funny). Yet there was no harm since nothing happened, plus she didn't do anything wrong since she didn't know I was with someone else and had only just met me. 

Fortunately for the Japanese woman she found a guy that lived across the road who was was up for it, so she got the sex she was after.

If I were unattached or in a non exclusive sexual/marital relationship at the time, without hesitation I would have had sex with them and some of the others who offered as well.

At the end of the day though since I choose not to cheat on my exclusive sexual partner and former partners, I have had no trouble turning down all explicit offers to stray.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

TX-SC said:


> Since I've been married? No, not really. I talk about my wife a lot, don't go to bars or dancing, and generally don't place myself in a position to be hit on. Most of my free time is with my wife. Plus, I own my business and work from home.


I also spend a lot of my free time with my wife, yet that isn't always the case since she has her own interests as do I. Plus I sometimes travel for work so that I can cover some event, while my wife sometimes goes away to attend work conferences.

Since you mentioned dancing, back in 2002 I was away for a few months in another state doing a suite of back-to-back Army courses with male and female military and government civilian personnel. Although I had my weekends off, I only went home for a few days on one occasion during that time.

During that time I went to pubs, nightclubs and shops with my friends and colleagues and sometimes got drunk and even danced (dragged reluctantly onto the dance floor) with some of the women from my unit who I was on one of those courses with. At no point during that time did I make a pass at any of them, nor did any make a pass at me. At the same time my wife knew about the dancing and all the rest. Since although I couldn't tell her what I was doing on course, I could tell her what I was doing in my own time when not working.

That said I think my relationship with my wife, has benefited from me not having to regularly go away for weekends, through weeks and a number of months at a time. Which happened to be the norm through our first 8 years together.

These days I frequently go out with my wife and less frequently catch up with my other male and female friends.

At the end of the day if I am going to cheat on my wife I will choose to do exactly that, since I don't want to cheat on her I don't.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Aside from being frequently propositioned by the TAM mods?


Farside has never propositioned me, what makes you so special?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> This is why we need good sensible boundaries with the opposite sex, so that the opportunities for this to happen are rare.


I don't think men and women need to be separated at all.



Diana7 said:


> As for me, I was far far too busy bringing up three children from the age of 21 to meet or be interested in meeting other men. LOL.


My wife and I only have two children together with the first of them being born when my wife was 30 and I was 29. I also have another that was born when I was almost 20, who is now also married.

Funnily enough my wife and I have both played stay at home parent with my wife doing it for two years, while I did it for three. In our experience bringing up two children has so far been fairly easy. Plus when playing SAHP both of us had plenty of time to socialise with others.

Outside of variously being SAHP's for a while, with the other working full time, we've both always worked.

That said my wife and I are certainly looking forward to the day, when our kids move out of home.



Diana7 said:


> Anyone who would ask a married or committed person for sex is beneath contempt in my opinion.


I don't think think they're all beneath contempt at all. Some people sometimes ask for or offer sex to people who are married or in exclusive sexual relationships. without knowing the person so propositioned is married or exclusive.

For example I seldom ever wear my wedding ring, while my wife wears hers variously half the time. So unless such a person knows us, they're not going to presume we're married absent our rings.

Plus if someone doesn't respect their own promise of exclusive and or marital fidelity, I don't see any reason why others should feel they need to respect it either.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> That's the same with my husband.We work from home and do a lot together. If you stay away from bars, clubs etc where people who are looking for casual sex go, then its far less likely to happen.


I think what makes it less likely to happen, is being a person who is not inclined to cheat on their partner.

If access and opportunity is the only thing holding someone back, it's more just a matter of when.

We all have the capability, it's intent that causes problems.



Diana7 said:


> If my husband has to stay away in a hotel for work, he will chose a small bed and breakfast type place, and will just go out for a long walk in the evening and wont hang around in bars (he doesn't drink anyway). There are many ways we can avoid this happening to us.


When my wife goes away for work she has stayed in motels, fancy big city hotels and beachfront resorts with no say at all as to where she is staying.

She also goes for walks as well and has even called me while walking on a beach in balmy weather. While I've been at home in the middle of winter, just to gloat and tell me how tough it is for her.

That said she does attend conference dinner activities and the like, since it benefits her professional standing. Plus it also offers her some opportunities to help establish interagency initiatives and cooperation.

These days when I go away, I tend to stay in nice through moderate hotels and motels. Or I stay in the accommodation that my host provides, like air force barracks and similar accommodation. Plus I've also called her from a beach to gloat as well.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Yes but that's why you need boundaries, to reduce the likelihood of it happening, and if it does happen you already have those personal boundaries in place to nip it in the bud.
> So if you dont spend time alone with someone of the opposite sex, then they wont have that opportunity to ask you.


Asking is not the issue.

If someone is inclined to avail themselves of such offers, they're already inclined to cheat on their partners in the first place.

If you need to impose all sorts of boundaries upon yourself in order to ensure that you don't cheat on your partner, it is highly likely you (as in the generic you) are inclined to cheat on your partner.

If the person in the exclusive sexual relationship or marriage, doesn't respect their own relationship and partner/s enough to go off reservation behind their back. No one else should feel obliged to respect their relationship either.

The only people responsible for relationship infidelity are the people who promised fidelity to one another. If I cheat on my wife it will exclusively be my fault and responsibility alone. Just as it would be my wife's exclusive fault and responsibility alone, if she cheats or has cheated on me.

If some people feel they can't help themselves for whatever reason, non-monogamous marriages and sexual relationships relationships are a better options than monogamous ones.

At the end of the day monogamy is a choice, if someone wants to remain monogamous they will act accordingly. If they don't want to remain monogamous they will make other choices.

I have no problem at all with adultery (which is sex outside of marriage). On the other hand I certainly do have an issue with sexual infidelity against me. Since sexual, infidelity cannot occur without an egregious breach of promise and some deceit.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

katiecrna said:


> I'm probably the minority here but I find nothing wrong with light flirting. I have boundaries and I always put them in place, but I like a little flirt here and there.


Yep some occasional light and very frivolous flirting is cool, both my wife and I have no problem with such banter.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I'm kind of stunned at how many people on here have actually been outright propositioned. I guess I live in a different culture. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Spicy said:


> Constantly. And I don't react well to it, I never have. It greatly offends me that men ignore my wedding rings. I have my ring on my left hand, and my parents gold band on my other hand. So they don't even have the excuse of being confused on the hand. Plus it happens on trips when they know darn well I am with my husband. I remember one guy was so bold as to ask my H where I was one evening and that he was wanting to see me and proceed to tell him what a great personality I have and how beautiful I am.  H and I were both shocked on that one. How does a guy get the gall to go to your husband about that? Pisses me off. H says most women would like the attention. Instead I become furious. It is so disrespectful.


The type of guy who would do this works on the basis that eventually some woman will agree to sleep with him.Even if he hits on five hundred woman before scoring he will feel it's worth it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I too have always had strong boundaries. It has not stopped men from making inappropriate advances/propositions. They were the ones who were inappropriate, not me.
> 
> For example when I was 22 and married, my boss started coming into my office to tell me about his wet dreams about me. And he would do things like massage my neck while doing it. I told him not to do it. That did not stop him. I needed the job because my husband had brain surgery. I was the only one working and we had thousands in medical bills to pay. I never could find a replacement job and eventually went into the Army to get away from it.
> 
> ...


Where did I say that anyone is asking for it? I merely said that we can minimise the chances of it happening by having clear boundaries. We cant stop it happening at work for example as you stated. My husband faced a lady at his work when he was in his first marriage who had just had a relationship break up and was giving him far too much 'attention'. He just remained cool and polite and got his head down with his work and eventually she got the message, and not long after she moved to another job. 
What you faced was sexual harassment.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

uhtred said:


> By "improperly", I mean the either you were married / in a committed relationship, and / or you knew the other person was. By "propositioned", I mean someone making it clear beyond a reasonable doubt that they wanted sex with you in a situation where it would have been reasonably possible for you to do so and not get caught.
> 
> I'm not asking anyone if they gave in to the temptation (and please don't say), just if they have every been given the offer.
> 
> I'm curious how often people are subjected to temptation.


More times than I can remember.

By one of my mother's friends when I was 15, by two married women at the same time (one holding her baby), while sitting on a bench in the California redwoods with my youngest son on my lap and my wife sitting next to me. The last one was by a female park ranger that was on duty with an older male partner.

Pretty bold.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Where did I say that anyone is asking for it? I merely said that we can minimise the chances of it happening by having clear boundaries. We cant stop it happening at work for example as you stated. My husband faced a lady at his work when he was in his first marriage who had just had a relationship break up and was giving him far too much 'attention'. He just remained cool and polite and got his head down with his work and eventually she got the message, and not long after she moved to another job.
> What you faced was sexual harassment.


It hapoens even at home, Diana. My parents used to live a couple blocks away from us, and had an older lady living with them. This woman has been part of our lives since I was a baby (my godmother when I was Catholic). Mom and dad had to go somewhere one weekend, and asked me to stay with her during that time. One of their neighbors decided it would be a good time to try to hook up with me. Never mind that I had been married for over a decade by that time, and have three children. Never mind that I showed ZERO interest in him, in all the times I would visit my parents. I turned him down, flat. 
My point is that you will get the inappropriate propositions, no matter how much you think you minimize the chances. And it even happens in places you believe you are safe from such things.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> More times than I can remember.
> 
> By one of my mother's friends when I was 15, by two married women at the same time (one holding her baby), while sitting on a bench in the California redwoods with my youngest son on my lap and my wife sitting next to me. The last one was by a female park ranger that was on duty with an older male partner.
> 
> Pretty bold.


What did your wife say to that????


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Personal said:


> Farside has never propositioned me, what makes you so special?


Let's just say this helps ... :wink2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> *This is why we need good sensible boundaries with the opposite sex, so that the opportunities for this to happen are rare.*
> 
> As for me, I was far far too busy bringing up three children from the age of 21 to meet or be interested in meeting other men. LOL.
> Anyone who would ask a married or committed person for sex is beneath contempt in my opinion.





Diana7 said:


> Yes but that's why you need boundaries, to reduce the likelihood of it happening, and if it does happen you already have those personal boundaries in place to nip it in the bud.
> * So if you dont spend time alone with someone of the opposite sex, then they wont have that opportunity to ask you.*


The reason why you are getting the responses you have seen, just look at the bolded statements. It comes across where you are basically saying that if you are getting hit on, it is essentially part of your fault for putting yourself in that situation (you even word it that as long as you have sensible boundaries any such opportunity would be "rare"). Many folks here are saying that is not the case, they go about their normal lives and have been hit on. Unless you believe once in a relationship you should lock yourself in a room and avoid any situation whatsoever that would involve you interacting with another adult who isn't your SO or family, it is going to happen. To me, it is not about getting hit on, no matter how often it happens, it is how you handle it that matters the most.

As well, you keep bringing up opposite sex, I have been hit on by gay dudes, and trust me, I have not led them on in any way, shape or form to warrant it (I know, hard to believe when you look at my avatar and the pic I just posted in my post above lol).


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Personal said:


> Farside has never propositioned me, what makes you so special?


Lolz.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> The type of guy who would do this works on the basis that eventually some woman will agree to sleep with him.Even if he hits on five hundred woman before scoring he will feel it's worth it.


This is why I never feel even remotely flattered or tempted by some guy hitting on me. Most cases, he's just looking for somewhere to stick it, and anyone will do. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.


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## SuperConfusedHusband (Mar 19, 2017)

I have been a shy and kind of chubby guy my whole life and to be honest I ignored all the signs of somebody making a pass on me IF they did it. I honestly cannot tell because I was super blind to sex all together. I can only recall a couple of times.

I was 25 and with my girlfriend and I went to a university study group one time. There was this one girl that stayed late with me. When we were alone she started asking me all sorts of questions about my gf...and then out of the blue she just got up and kissed me on the mouth. I vividly remember I sat there like an idiot, staring at the floor for some time, my head was spinning and she said: "It's ok, no worries". Then she asked me if I wanted to spend the night at her home because her parents were gone.

It stirred a whole bunch of things in me, I was confused and didnt know what to do since I wasnt in love with my girlfriend, which bothered me a lot (I should be right???). Still, it didnt feel right, it didnt feel like even if I stayed and went home with this girl I would have been ok with it, and potentially have fun. I knew it would have been a disaster and then, because I was a nice guy, I would have definitely broken up with my gf out of guilt (which I did anyways no long after this incident).

Once I was single again after about a year, I called this girl up and asked her to meet me. We did, but she had moved on to another guy and wasnt interested in me anymore. Perhaps I disappointed her lol.

Lesson #1 lerned: some girls will make a pass on you for many reasons, some very superficial reasons (I like your body...lets do it but I dont give a dam about you), some more profound reasons (I'm in love with you and known you as friend for 5 years).

The second time was very weird. I was 29 SINGLE and had these 2 female friends fro a long time. I was the one that would always make sexual innuendos and trying to sleep with them to no avail. Then I decided to move to a different country for work and was waiting for paperwork to be completed.
When I told these 2 friends I was going to move, they came onto me very strongly, and I had sex with one who at that time had a boyfriend. Thinking about it now I ask myself "what the heck was that"? They both clearly rejected me for years, and now that I told them I was going to leave they both want me in bed??? I felt somewhat manipulated.

Lesson #2 learned: people can like you sexually but might reject you if the situation is not right (aka they dont want to lose the friendship). Once they knew I wasnt going to be there for them anymore, the sexual part can come out (I guess...)


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Yup, pretty much my whole life.

Like someone else said, I too don't find some mouth-breather looking for a little action on the side flattering in the least.

One time, this OLD married guy hit on me (I was all of 30 at the time). Mr. Smarmy said to me, "damn....if I were only 20 years younger...." and I replied, "what - then you'd be old enough to be my grandfather?" What a douche canoe.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I lived with my two lesbian friends for a few years and with one of them for a lot longer.I never touched either of them and they behaved likewise.A while after they moved the older one Sam rang me and asked me could we have a serious talk and I said sure.She told me that her and Ally(my long term friend) had been trying to adopt a baby but to no avail and it was suggested they get artificial insemination so one of them could get pregnant.She said they didn't really fancy this idea and seeing as I was the best looking guy they knew and I was very smart,would I consider having sex with them both until one of them got pregnant.I was shocked and didn't know what to say,after a few seconds I heard an explosion of laughter,she had me on speaker and about a dozen other girls including Ally were listening.I still to this day don't know what my answer was going to be.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

katiecrna said:


> I'm probably the minority here but I find nothing wrong with light flirting. I have boundaries and I always put them in place, but I like a little flirt here and there.


Light flirting is fun and harmless with good people.:grin2:

My wife and I openly do it with family and friends.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> What did your wife say to that????


By that time we were working together well in our relationship and had been married about 6 years, together for 10.

She was very familiar by that time with unwanted attention from women.

We just looked at each other and smiled. I said "I don't know honey. Do you think I should sleep with her?" We both started grinning and giggling. The park ranger didn't repeat the proposition but kept smiling at me confidently. Pretty interesting.

I was a very pretty boy between the ages of 16 or so to early thirties.

Now, at 46, the unwanted attention has fallen off quite a bit.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

How did you know she was a porn star? Really just curious. 



Wolf1974 said:


> Often while in uniform. Once even by a porn star.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Those are all serious harassment cases, I'm very sorry that happened. 

I had been thinking of flirting / seduction, not harassment when I posted this, but I can see how the boundary might be fuzzy in some cases. Any attempt to seduce someone when you are in a position of power has a great risk of being harassment. 




EleGirl said:


> I too have always had strong boundaries. It has not stopped men from making inappropriate advances/propositions. They were the ones who were inappropriate, not me.
> 
> For example when I was 22 and married, my boss started coming into my office to tell me about his wet dreams about me. And he would do things like massage my neck while doing it. I told him not to do it. That did not stop him. I needed the job because my husband had brain surgery. I was the only one working and we had thousands in medical bills to pay. I never could find a replacement job and eventually went into the Army to get away from it.
> 
> ...


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If we put aside harassment, I think flirting involves actions, sometimes subtle, on the part of both. I don't know you or your behavior, but is it possible that you don't respond, or shut-down attempts at mild flirting? 






Ikaika said:


> I'm kind of stunned at how many people on here have actually been outright propositioned. I guess I live in a different culture.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

For people who get propositioned, how often has it been appealing, someone that if you weren't in a relationship you would have wanted to sleep with. 

In my case it was someone I was attracted to, and she probably picked up on that.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Ikaika said:


> I'm kind of stunned at how many people on here have actually been outright propositioned. I guess I live in a different culture.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


You're not the only one. I'm a woman and reading this thread makes me feel like I live on another planet, forget different culture. It's so foreign to me. 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

As a guy, I'm also surprised. I'm in my 50s and have been propositioned only maybe 3 times (1 was clear the others fuzzy) by women. (and twice by men). 

It probably depends a lot on how / where you socialize.



Lila said:


> You're not the only one. I'm a woman and reading this thread makes me feel like I live on another planet, forget different culture. It's so foreign to me.
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Lila said:


> You're not the only one. I'm a woman and reading this thread makes me feel like I live on another planet, forget different culture. It's so foreign to me.
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


Selective memory ... or am I not recalling correctly a few questionable comments by some members here when you posted a few pictures :wink2:


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

uhtred said:


> As a guy, I'm also surprised. I'm in my 50s and have been propositioned only maybe 3 times (1 was clear the others fuzzy) by women. (and twice by men).
> 
> It probably depends a lot on how / where you socialize.


Maybe but I live in big metropolitan city and I go out to bars and clubs with and without my husband, always have. I can't recall a single time someone 'propositioned' me. 

Now I have been out with my bombshell friends and siblings when this has happened to them. Can't say they were too happy with the situations which makes me think I'm not missing much. 

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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

uhtred said:


> For people who get propositioned, how often has it been appealing, someone that if you weren't in a relationship you would have wanted to sleep with.
> 
> In my case it was someone I was attracted to, and she probably picked up on that.


Wasn't even close to anyone I would have been attracted to. 🤢

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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Selective memory ... or am I not recalling correctly a few questionable comments by some members here when you posted a few pictures :wink2:


I'm not sure I'd call that propositioning though. That was just.......creepy. {shivers}. 

I guess I'm visualizing someone who just walks up to someone else and insinuates through language or action that they want to have sex. Am I assuming correctly? 

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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Lila said:


> I'm not sure I'd call that propositioning though. That was just.......creepy. {shivers}.
> 
> I guess I'm visualizing someone who just walks up to someone else and insinuates through language or action that they want to have sex. Am I assuming correctly?
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


You mean a dude walking up to you and doing this :smile2:










Honestly, I take propositioning to mean more then just someone coming up to you and flat out saying they want to bone you.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> You mean a dude walking up to you and doing this :smile2:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Lol, not like that. They can be subtle about it. A drink, chit chat, flirting, get comfortable enough to proposition. 

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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

If we are limiting this to inappropriate it doesn't happen all the time, but when it does its super obvious. For me it only happens when I am alone, never when I am with a group of guys/people. I guess women feel more comfortable putting them self out there if no one but you knows??? Once I was in a bar and a woman came up to complimented me and asked if I was married. I said yes, she then asked if I was happy, I said yes. She then grabbed my inner thigh and said if I was your wife I would worship you. Once I was at a conference, a woman came up to me quickly kissed me on the cheek, handed me her business card and said I love black men. Another time a neighbor told me that her and the other moms talk about me, said they call me the black ken doll and that I probably rock it in bed. Another time my next door neighbor who knows my wife came up to me and said "nice car" its striking, like you are. While that was mild in comparison she knows my wife. So yeah....it does happen. With that said....I am starting to think its the vibe I put out.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

EllisRedding said:


> You mean a dude walking up to you and doing this :smile2:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 There is a woman in my spin class who has been damn aggressive in propositioning me, she has actually come up behind when I have been bent over my gym bag and grabbed me and dry humped me like Jim Carry is doing in your video clip! Shes an attractive fit woman 12 years younger than me...and married! She has licked my neck (I have the picture), she constantly makes comments during class of the things she wants to do to me, and I mean vulgar comments. She uses the excuse she had a traumatic brain injury as a kid so has no self control. 

I would certainly label her advances as inappropriate.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

uhtred said:


> If we put aside harassment, I think flirting involves actions, sometimes subtle, on the part of both. I don't know you or your behavior, but is it possible that you don't respond, or shut-down attempts at mild flirting?




Or I'm just clueless. In the culture I grew up, it is common to greet a close friend or relative of the opposite sex with a kiss on the cheek. This is not considered sexual, it is just a greeting. So, aside from some women literally telling me she wants to f*** me, I probably would not catch the subtle hints. As I said, maybe it is just cultural for me. 


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

uhtred said:


> For people who get propositioned, how often has it been appealing, someone that if you weren't in a relationship you would have wanted to sleep with.
> 
> In my case it was someone I was attracted to, and she probably picked up on that.


None of the married women appealed to me because committing adultery never appealed to me.

There have been several single women that I would have been going at it with in a heartbeat.

The park ranger was very hot!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

uhtred said:


> How did you know she was a porn star? Really just curious.


Was years ago and she is/ was a famous recognizable star from the 90's early 2000. They, much like authors, tour adult stores for autograph signings . She was in town doing so and was followed here from another city by a stalking fan. We were called to her hotel because he showed up there and scared her. We arrived but couldn't find him. I waited and escorted her to another hotel so he couldn't find her. That's where it happend but alas I was married at the time so no go.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Lila said:


> Lol, not like that. They can be subtle about it. A drink, chit chat, flirting, get comfortable enough to proposition.
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


I think what happens, sometimes people get too hung up with looks. Obviously looks can help (duh, right lol), but I think as well a lot of it has to do with the situation and how you carry yourself. I am rarely ever in a situation where someone could even hit on me if they wanted to. Likewise, I probably don't carry myself in a way in a social situation that would really have anyone flocking to me or noticing me over anyone else. 

I would guess that for those who do get hit on, whether it is welcomed or unwelcomed, there is a part of them (whether large or small) that does appreciate it in terms of their ego / self worth.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> I think what happens, sometimes people get too hung up with looks. Obviously looks can help (duh, right lol), but I think as well a lot of it has to do with the situation and how you carry yourself. I am rarely ever in a situation where someone could even hit on me if they wanted to. Likewise, I probably don't carry myself in a way in a social situation that would really have anyone flocking to me or noticing me over anyone else.
> 
> 
> 
> I would guess that for those who do get hit on, whether it is welcomed or unwelcomed, there is a part of them (whether large or small) that does appreciate it in terms of their ego / self worth.




I think people under the age of 50 get hung up on looks.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Ikaika said:


> I think people under the age of 50 get hung up on looks.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


I always picture those retirement homes as a free for all of scandalous sex and orgies >


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> I always picture those retirement homes as a free for all of scandalous sex and orgies >




One can only hope... as long as it ends (the orgy) before 4pm dinner. 


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Ikaika said:


> One can only hope... as long as it ends (the orgy) before 4pm dinner.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro


Plus, you have to work it around Bingo as well.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

uhtred said:


> By "improperly", I mean the either you were married / in a committed relationship, and / or you knew the other person was. By "propositioned", I mean someone making it clear beyond a reasonable doubt that they wanted sex with you in a situation where it would have been reasonably possible for you to do so and not get caught.
> 
> I'm not asking anyone if they gave in to the temptation (and please don't say), just if they have every been given the offer.
> 
> I'm curious how often people are subjected to temptation.


Yes, I've been propositioned many times while known to be seriously dating and while married to both my first husband and my DH. I did accept some offers when in my first marriage, but have remained faithful to my DH.



uhtred said:


> For people who get propositioned, how often has it been appealing, someone that if you weren't in a relationship you would have wanted to sleep with.
> 
> In my case it was someone I was attracted to, and she probably picked up on that.


I'd say maybe 60% were guys I was physically attracted to.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Plus, you have to work it around Bingo as well.




Absolutely 


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Likewise, I probably don't carry myself in a way in a social situation that would really have anyone flocking to me or noticing me over anyone else.


I often think that I would have made an excellent spy for this very reason. 

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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I'm sociable (sometimes to my sons embarrassment at the gym), I just don't ever recall that sociability resulting in an outright proposal. 


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Lila said:


> I often think that I would have made an excellent spy for this very reason.
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


My W and I both prefer to people watch. Or... if there is a dog I will be the one of the floor petting them lol


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> I always picture those retirement homes as a free for all of scandalous sex and orgies >


That depends


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> That depends


Interesting choice of words lol


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

uhtred said:


> Those are all serious harassment cases, I'm very sorry that happened.
> 
> I had been thinking of flirting / seduction, not harassment when I posted this, but I can see how the boundary might be fuzzy in some cases. Any attempt to seduce someone when you are in a position of power has a great risk of being harassment.


In the 1960's and 1970's, not one cared about what is called harassment today. It was simply propositioning. There was no way anyone would have done anything if I had reported those things.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> I think what happens, sometimes people get too hung up with looks. Obviously looks can help (duh, right lol), but I think as well a lot of it has to do with the situation and how you carry yourself. I am rarely ever in a situation where someone could even hit on me if they wanted to. Likewise, I probably don't carry myself in a way in a social situation that would really have anyone flocking to me or noticing me over anyone else.
> 
> I would guess that for those who do get hit on, whether it is welcomed or unwelcomed, there is a part of them (whether large or small) that does appreciate it in terms of their ego / self worth.


It always gives my ego a lift if some seriously hot woman flirts with me but this has caused problems with my gf so I stopped flirting or even answering.
Try this for bare faced cheek.I was on the verge of breaking up with my then fiancée and we were meeting to talk things over,we had arranged to meet for lunch and the "best friend" who was covering for my fiancée messaged me to tell me if things didn't work out she would call over to my house if I wanted to talk or "something".This was her best friend,who was supposed to be her bridesmaid and she was also the assistant manager at my fiancées business.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I have honestly been hit on since I was a teenager, it always surprises me because when it comes to looks I'm nothing special. When I was single I didn't consider anything inappropriate, and that included married women (yes, shame on me). If I was in a relationship or when I was married I just laughed off the propositions, but yes I have been hit on by women who knew I was married or already had a girlfriend. 

One thing I did consider inappropriate even when I was single was my buddies ex girlfriends hitting on me, I just couldn't go there. Couple of reasons, one it just wasn't right, but ethics aside there was no way I was putting my mouth any place one of my buddies had his pecker.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Not in recent years, that I can think of.


These days, it's just harmless banter. Most recent was caving with hubs. I was petrified but determined. After observing the guide's footing, he turned and suggested (me being shorter) another rock I could consider. There was a sizeable spider hanging there so I opted for the path he took instead. This was too big of a stretch for me, it took me doing so to realize this and I froze, with a somewhat scary drop below me. He told me to let go of the rock (whah?!) and grab his hand. I had no other option but trust him. He took my full body weight and pulled me up onto the new rock. With a laugh, he told me if we hurried we could run away together and leave hubs behind. He continued with this kind of banter. It dawned on me afterwards he'd use playfulness to keep me laughing and serve as a distraction to my fear.

I had a work provider jokingly banter on the phone the other day. Second time we'd spoken and I was asking if he'd be so kind to.... [he interrupted at this point] and said 'Arrange a limo to pick you up for a dinner date? Absolutely!' I replied, 'I don't need all that fuss, just a confirmation email of the order would be great!' He laughed and made another comment at which point I told him I was married and wanting to get home. Confirmation instantly received.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I somehow read "accidently propositioned"

Now that would be a story!


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Yes, I have. 

One time was when my husband and I first started dating and a friend of his hit on me. Later I found out that this guy did this a lot with his friend's girlfriends. I'm not sure why he remained in the group for so long.


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## Mrs.Sav (Mar 13, 2014)

Spicy said:


> Constantly. And I don't react well to it, I never have. It greatly offends me that men ignore my wedding rings. I have my ring on my left hand, and my parents gold band on my other hand. So they don't even have the excuse of being confused on the hand. Plus it happens on trips when they know darn well I am with my husband. I remember one guy was so bold as to ask my H where I was one evening and that he was wanting to see me and proceed to tell him what a great personality I have and how beautiful I am.  H and I were both shocked on that one. How does a guy get the gall to go to your husband about that? Pisses me off. H says most women would like the attention. Instead I become furious. It is so disrespectful.


Spicy, I'm with you on that. When I was younger and more naive, I didn't realize how offensive it was until a decade later - with experience under my belt. I once had an ex-bf ask if he "could kiss me" while we were hanging out as friends after being broken up for nearly 2 years and I immediately took offense to that as I knew he was in "that phase" where he was simply sleeping with anyone that had a pulse (being friends, he even told me about his conquests). I therefore knew it was a proposition and it wasn't an attempt to get back together. issed:


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

When I was 19 and single, a married woman (24 years old) propositioned me. I wish I would not have slept with her. I was young and stupid.

About 5 years ago I was propositioned by a woman that knew I was married. I turned her down. She was hot! But I am a committed married man.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I am not sure how to respond to this poll. I'll try to say this as best as I can, but my gaydar is completely broken and I think people are just being really nice. Then my wife pulls me to the side and explains that I have a gay guy seriously hitting on me and like everyone in the bookstore has been giggling about it. 

I'm not joking or being a troll about this, but it happens to me a lot.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Yes, but have always said no. I'm surprised it happens whilst wearing an engagement ring now, but I guess for some people, it doesn't matter if you're in a relationship/married.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lila said:


> Maybe but I live in big metropolitan city and I go out to bars and clubs with and without my husband, always have. I can't recall a single time someone 'propositioned' me.
> 
> Now I have been out with my bombshell friends and siblings when this has happened to them. Can't say they were too happy with the situations which makes me think I'm not missing much.


One of the rare times I was at a bar with a friend, was around the time I joined TAM. I was feeling down; marriage was in question at the time. As the night rolled on, friend was enjoying herself. I looked like a Debbie Downer and completely uninterested. The bar tender offered to take me home and put a smile back on my face. Obviously, I turned him down. There was no temptation on my part. Friend said 'Don't even go there..' She didn't need to say it but I appreciated her looking out. Before we left, he approached again and said something about respecting I didn't want to leave with him but if I found myself in a different circumstance, even a few months' time, that I could find him working at a certain restaurant and he'd take me out. I told him that wouldn't happen. Coincidentally, another friend invited me to have lunch at that restaurant. Eh, I suggested we go elsewhere.

I'm no bombshell. He could have had his pick of patrons. 
Maybe he felt there was a challenge? who knows, who cares. And no, you're not missing out on anything. 


My husband told me he was propositioned by a colleague years ago at a work function. She was tipsy, he stays sober. He put her in a taxi and came home.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Maybe he saw something very attractive in you. Lust and love are entangled for many people.




heartsbeating said:


> snip
> I'm no bombshell. He could have had his pick of patrons.
> Maybe he felt there was a challenge? who knows, who cares. And no, you're not missing out on anything.
> snip
> .


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Yes, but have always said no. I'm surprised it happens whilst wearing an engagement ring now, but I guess for some people, it doesn't matter if you're in a relationship/married.


Some guys will see your being engaged as a challenge.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> Some guys will see your being engaged as a challenge.


I've heard this from a few of my married friends, that they've been approached more since getting married. What a sad world, eh?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> I've heard this from a few of my married friends, that they've been approached more since getting married. What a sad world, eh?


This is a bit off thread but I will tell you anyway.I used to live with a gay girl called Alison,she is also my best friend.When we lived together we would always go out together at night and then later she would go to a gay bar or club.Once she left I would get hit on immediately,sometimes by absolutely stunning looking women.A poster on tam called it preselection and apparently it is well documented.If a woman sees a guy with a beautiful woman she feels he must have something going for him and wants it for herself.I often wondered does the same apply to men or is it that a woman who is engaged or married may agree to a no strings attached hook up.


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## ScottishGirl1998 (Dec 19, 2015)

I have been a few times since getting married, and once recently which surprised and creeped me out considering I am quite obviously pregnant!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> I've heard this from a few of my married friends, that they've been approached more since getting married. What a sad world, eh?


Such people who go after married and engaged people are despicable.


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## ScottishGirl1998 (Dec 19, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Such people who go after married and engaged people are despicable.


I absolutely agree. Psychologically it is quite simple why they do it and why they get a thrill from it, similar to thieves who steal a car and enjoy joy-riding it, knowing it belongs to someone else.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Yup, before I met my wife, during one of my less overweight periods, I dated a woman ten years older (31 at the time). Found it interesting that her girlfriends were fairly free with the propositions. When we broke up, I took a few of them up on it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ScottishGirl1998 said:


> I absolutely agree. Psychologically it is quite simple why they do it and why they get a thrill from it, similar to thieves who steal a car and enjoy joy-riding it, knowing it belongs to someone else.


Often they dont even want the person, they just want to know they can get them to do what they want and be in their control. They also have no moral values or integrity at all. :frown2:


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## ScottishGirl1998 (Dec 19, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Often they dont even want the person, they just want to know they can get them to do what they want and be in their control. They also have no moral values or integrity at all. :frown2:


It's like some sort of sick "challenge" to them. But at the end of the day, it takes two to tango and if all married women remained monogamous to their husbands, there would be no men like that as they would have no women to manipulate.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Often they dont even want the person, they just want to know they can get them to do what they want and be in their control. They also have no moral values or integrity at all. :frown2:


A whole lot of them are simply immature and don't see relationships as more than fun and entertainment.

I don't think all of them have malevolent intent even though they are playing with fire and trying to destroy lives.

They just don't perceive it that way or are just shallow and selfish.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ScottishGirl1998 said:


> It's like some sort of sick "challenge" to them. But at the end of the day, it takes two to tango and if all married women remained monogamous to their husbands, there would be no men like that as they would have no women to manipulate.


I agree but some of them can be incredibly persistent. Thats why I believe strongly in good wise boundaries with how we act with the opposite sex. The less opportunities we give to these people the better.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ScottishGirl1998 said:


> It's like some sort of sick "challenge" to them. But at the end of the day, it takes two to tango and if all married women remained monogamous to their husbands, there would be no men like that as they would have no women to manipulate.


Ummm.....

Man here and been the unrealized "challenge" to quite a few predatory females.

Pretty gender neutral subject.


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## ScottishGirl1998 (Dec 19, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> Ummm.....
> 
> Man here and been the unrealized "challenge" to quite a few predatory females.
> 
> Pretty gender neutral subject.


That is very true, it can work both ways!


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> Ummm.....
> 
> Man here and been the unrealized "challenge" to quite a few predatory females.
> 
> Pretty gender neutral subject.


Spot on, just by reading this thread you can clearly see this is a gender neutral topic. 

Unfortunately, what happens for many, they see a challenge in getting someone that is already taken. Moreso, I think the appeal is getting someone who is taken but likely unhappy, figuring that is an easier catch if that person (male or female) is vulnerable. If you are craving attention/affection that is missing in your relationship and someone on the prowl senses that, you better believe they see you as ripe for the picking.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

ScottishGirl1998 said:


> I have been a few times since getting married, and once recently which surprised and creeped me out considering I am quite obviously pregnant!


I've had that happen as well. When I was obviously - hugely, massively, "are you having twins, dear?" - pregnant with my son, there was a guy at a company my firm works with frequently, who propositioned me. He's apparently one of those folks (I've known a couple) who just finds pregnant women sexy. But, yes, it squicked my 20-something self right out! 

Then there was the co-worker of my then-husband who propositioned me at a party at our home. He worked with my husband every day, but cornered me up in my own kitchen to ask if I were happily married. He went on to say that if I ever decided I wasn't happy, or just wanted some fun on the side, he'd be more than happy to oblige me. With the gift of hindsight, I'm pretty sure he knew (as I did not at the time) that my husband was a serial cheater and just assumed I was fair game. 

Most of the other times I've been propositioned while I was in a relationship happened at work. I have a fairly high-level position in a commercial construction trade company. Getting whistled at and cat called by construction workers on the job site was just a routine part of my 20s and early 30s. The newer generations of guys seem to feel it's much less acceptable to do that than the older guys did. Plus, I'm a bit older and most of the field guys we regularly work with know and respect me. But, honestly, most of the overt offers have come from project managers, site leads, engineers, architects, owners, and other folks in the more white-collar end of the business. I think that just my presence in what they considered a male domain signaled to some that I must be available.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Rowan said:


> I've had that happen as well. When I was obviously - hugely, massively, "are you having twins, dear?" - pregnant with my son, there was a guy at a company my firm works with frequently, who propositioned me. He's apparently one of those folks (I've known a couple) who just finds pregnant women sexy. But, yes, it squicked my 20-something self right out!


I wonder how much of this for the guy trying to hit on a pregger has to do with 1) no need to worry about pregnancy (even throw caution into the wind as far as needing condoms) and 2) the idea that pregnant women with their raging hormones are ready to jump anything ... Given the change in their body and probably feeling a little insecure with their body image, just butter up these ladies with some nice compliments is all it takes... There are definitely people out there that have fetishes for pregnant women as well...


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## ScottishGirl1998 (Dec 19, 2015)

Rowan said:


> I've had that happen as well. When I was obviously - hugely, massively, "are you having twins, dear?" - pregnant with my son, there was a guy at a company my firm works with frequently, who propositioned me. He's apparently one of those folks (I've known a couple) who just finds pregnant women sexy. But, yes, it squicked my 20-something self right out!


I'm not quite at that stage yet (30 weeks), but in addition to that one proposition I have had some strange looks. Obviously some of that is due to my age (I'm 18 but have been told I look about 15!), but there have been a few times recently that I've had what I can only describe as "creepy old men" staring at my belly and looking me up and down. 

It is indeed one of those "fetishes", and personally I find it weird!!


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## ScottishGirl1998 (Dec 19, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> I wonder how much of this for the guy trying to hit on a pregger has to do with 1) no need to worry about pregnancy (even throw caution into the wind as far as needing condoms) and 2) the idea that pregnant women with their raging hormones are ready to jump anything ... Given the change in their body and probably feeling a little insecure with their body image, just butter up these ladies with some nice compliments is all it takes... There are definitely people out there that have fetishes for pregnant women as well...


That makes sense. Still makes my skin crawl though!


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ScottishGirl1998 said:


> That makes sense. Still makes my skin crawl though!


Next time they give you a creepy look, you know what to do


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## ScottishGirl1998 (Dec 19, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> Next time they give you a creepy look, you know what to do


Haha! Yeah, I've been tempted!! :laugh:


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## naturepeacelove (Mar 20, 2017)

Yes. Dude was super creepy and I told him over and over I was married. He and I had both been drinking -(not together, it was a club situation and he saw me from a distance) and he clearly wasn't picking up my hints. Kept asking for my number, saying he was married too but it wasn't wrong to be friends, blah blah blah. I could tell he was lying from the get go. Do men really think we are that dumb?


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