# A Letter To Soon To Be Ex-husband That He Will Never Get



## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

I needed to do this for final closure. We had 7 years of mostly happiness in our marriage in my eyes. I used to enjoy the way you look at me. I used to enjoy all the time we spend doing nothing. I used to enjoy all the time that I feel the love that you had for me. All that is gone now in a flash of a one month period. I do understand that we had a tough month with your brother diagnosing of cancer, my dog diagnosing of cancer and the passing away of the two, but I always thought that we can go through it. We have been through so much with the passing away of your mom, your dad’s stroke and all the craziness your sister brought to our life.
You know abandonment is the greatest fear in my life. I know that this fear have also caused great damage in our marriage. I was so scared of loving you that I provided little physical affection that you needed. I will take on that responsibility as one of the reason this marriage is ending. However, I need you to take on some responsibility too. I would have done everything in my power to save this marriage if not for the cheating. I know you do not consider it cheating but emotional affair is cheating in my definition. I would have rather you just slept with another girl than to know that you shared your most intimate thought with someone else.
When Noemi told me she saw you with another girl, I laughed and told her she must have mistaken you with someone else. I was so confident in your character that I told her no way that you will do something like this to me. WOW…was I wrong. I still love you a lot and this is why it is so painful, but I know in my heart that I will no longer be able to trust you like I used to. I know you don’t want this marriage anymore and it hurt me deeply. However, I know that I need to move on from now on and file for a divorce because with no trust there is no marriage. I am sorry but I just cannot trust you anymore. Maybe you don’t care, but I just need to let it out as I feel like I am looser right now for giving up on our marriage. I hope you do find your happiness. However, you need to learn that you need to find happiness from within instead of asking for someone to provide it to you as you will never be truly happy.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Gigi: That is a well put together letter and most heartfelt. In time, you may well want him to see it. Just let it incubate and add to it as your thoughts and emotions may so dictate.

I, too, know what abandonment entails, and whoever said that it is fun doesn't know what they're talking about.

Sorry to see you here at TAM, but you've come to the absolutely best place in the world, where the populace here can offer needed insight into your situation.

And given time, you'll be able to soothe some other poor soul with your insightful experience! I wish you well, my dear!*


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Gigi- 

This is a beautifully well written letter. I hope getting your thoughts out on paper will help you. I think it's fine if one day you want to send it to him. 

I wrote a similar e mail three weeks after my stbxh left. I waited a few days and tinkered with it then I sent it. It made me feel so much better. The amazing thing is when I read that e mail now I'm surprised at how far I've come. If I were to write the same letter today it would be quite different.

Just hang in there. Arbitrator is right, this is a great place for advice and support. Keep posting.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

Thanks! I do not plan to send it to him ever. The person I had my vow with is dead in my eye. This person that I am dealing with now do not deserve this letter at all.

Ever since he lefted, he have been nothing but nasty to me. Just this weekend, he called me to ask for some of his kitchen items so I said that I will leave them out in the garage and he can pick it up. He asked me how I will divide it up (yes, we talking about bowls and plates). I said I will bring out half of those items as I need to them as well. He went on to remind me that most of those items were before marriage. So.........I put out about 90% of everything in the kitchen including junk. :smthumbup:

It still amaze me how this person can cheat on me and act like I owe him something. 

I hired a lawyer yesterday and they are processing the paper today.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Cheating is on your husband. It is 100% his fault. 

But I am curious about your statement "I was so scared of loving you that I provided little physical affection that you needed."

What exactly does that mean?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

Gigi,

You are so strong! Your letter is great. A lot of it sounds as if I could have written it. The fear of abandonment is huge for me too and I think it goes back to not receiving nurturing as a child. I hope you will get therapy to help you move on from this. If not, it will keep haunting you in future relationships. 

You are doing a great job dealing with this situation. You are very practical and realistic. This is going to help you heal quicker. And that means every day is one day closer to the peace, joy and happiness that you deserve!


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

That is something that I am actively working on for myself to better myself. I grew up in a family that there was little to no "I love you" and hugs. I grew up seeing my dad cheated on my mom several times and my mom just waiting on the sideline for him to change. 

Given this, I am not an affectionate person anyway. I hate to give him affection (i.e. verbal affection and hugs. We do have sex.). In my mind, I feel like if I truely show him how much that love him that I will be vulneable like my mom and be treated like trash. I know this is not a healthy way to approach any relationship and I am actively working ont it.


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

Check out an article on gettinbetter.com called Do You Love to Be Needed or Need To Be Loved. This will help you make sense of your reactions to love, touching, etc. This article was recommended in another post. I can't remember who but it is very helpful. Also, check out The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It will help you understand what physical touch means to some people so that you might feel more comfortable with this. 

Keep rolling along!


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