# Lawyer answered questions



## cagedrat (Jan 12, 2014)

In our state, in-home separation is an option. Husband and I will have to talk about this. One person cannot make a marriage work and hopefully it will not take one person to make the divorce work. I don't have the answers to how this will all work yet, that would require me making assumptions I cannot make about his side of this process. I have answers for myself and for when he asks. I have decided not to serve him with papers or even say for sure I want the divorce until after we talk. I want to hear his side and see if there is anything in it that will reveal some hidden truth that our marriage can be something new and different from what it always has been. If I don't see or feel it after we talk, I will move forward.

As a side note, there is not, nor has there ever been, another man waiting in the wings. I have seen so many people on this board suspicious of a woman wanting to leave that she MUST have another interest. I've never so much as batted my eyelashes at another man in 16 years, because that wouldn't be honoring my marriage. Sadly, my husband hasn't had the same view of what honoring a marriage means...


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

cagedrat said:


> As a side note, there is not, nor has there ever been, another man waiting in the wings. I have seen so many people on this board suspicious of a woman wanting to leave that she MUST have another interest. I've never so much as batted my eyelashes at another man in 16 years, because that wouldn't be honoring my marriage. Sadly, my husband hasn't had the same view of what honoring a marriage means...


For what it's worth, I think there are legitimate reasons to separate from marriage. Abuse, neglect, etc... In fairness, it's not even just posters on this board who immediately become suspicious:



> "I've seen so many spouses lie about affairs, that when one spouse wants a separation, my best guess is that he or she is having an affair. I'm right almost every time.
> 
> Why would anyone need to be alone to sort things out? It makes much more sense to think that being separated makes it easier to be with their lover. Granted, there are many good reasons for a separation, such as physical or extreme mental abuse. But of all those I've seen separate, most have had lovers in the wings."
> 
> Dr. Willard Harley, author "His Needs Her Needs"


There's a guy who knows a thing or two about the subject, and he's saying that almost every time separation comes up, there's an affair.

I'm not saying that is what's going on in your case, but mention to answer your point. In your situation, I think it's pretty damned impossible to fix a marriage when only one person is interested in doing so.


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## kalimata (Jan 29, 2014)

Cagedrat: Do you have suspicions of your H cheating on you? If so I would gather more evidence before you confront him. Otherwise he will just go more deeply underground with the cheating.

Go read some posts on the coping with infidelity forum here.


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