# Hubby agreed to separate and divorce



## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

For the past month, I was going crazy trying to plan a divorce. I really wanted out of the marriage, and I knew he really didn't. He was very angry, and I was very fearful. 

My plan was to get full custody of two kids, get child support, and sell the house, and I get all the profit (if any). This seemed fair because I make 1/3 of his salary, but I drained my savings of over 100,000 by working parttime, by contributing half of mortgage and expenses. Hubby has rarely watched the kids more than 2 hours per day.

His problem with that is he will be lonely, he can't afford to standard child support and finance his daughter through college. I calculated the child support to be about half his salary. He also loses out on any profits from the house.

His plan is to each take one kid. He gets the 7 yr old son, I get the four year old son. We swap kids and let them be together on some days. Neither of us gives child support. I have to pay full mortgage since he will give me the house and move out as soon as he finds an apartment.

My problem with that is I will truly miss out of my 7 yr old's life. And he will miss me. I worked extremely hard to provide for him, as he has behavioral special needs. I worry if he is capable. I need the child support, since Hubby ruined my goal of being a stay-at-home mom. I supposed if I quick sell or short sell the house, I may make a profit, but I am stuck in huge debt until I sell.

But at least he won't contest the divorce and rack up huge attorney fees. So I should be happy that I can rebuild my future? I am slightly relieved that this nightmare will end. 

Should I sacrifice full custody and child support only to get an uncontested divorce? I honestly was ready to give in and stay in the marriage because the tension was killing me. At least I can relax a bit because Hubby is sad and calm instead of angry and scary.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

I would pay any amount of money and go through a contested divorce to have my children as much as possible (they do need to see their dad). I would never pick one child or the other. You should think about the long term consequences of this on the child.


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## hideandseek (Sep 21, 2009)

I would speak to a child psychologist before you split up two siblings at such a young age. That to me is the most frightening thing about your plan. 

You aren't splitting up the wedding china here: you get the gravy boat and I'll take the meat platter. These are children that you are ripping from each other during what will be the most traumatic experience of their lives: the dissolution of their family, the LAST thing they need is to lose the comfort and support of their sibling, the only other person in the world that knows what they are feeling.

I can't think of a more irresponsible parenting move. I'm sorry, I wish I could be anything but horrified by such a notion.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I just couldn't bear losing custody of one son, even only parttime. I reconsidered and will reconcile. Please follow my new thread. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation-stories/8130-my-heartfelt-story-still-progress.html


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

My parents, upon their divorce, each took a child. I was 14 and my brother 6. BAD MISTAKE! SELFISH MISTAKE! I love my brother and he loved me. We never were fully bonded like the way siblings are...I realize that not all get along. That is part of the bonding process. 

I am sorry to say, when you and your spouse are dead and buried...who will they have? Hopefully each other. 

With my brother and I...we haven't seen each other in 15 years. No hard feelings...he's a nice guy. But really a distant friend. 

I lived with my mother and did not have good relationship with my father. I don't see him at all now.

I would think twice regarding separating the children.


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