# Men, any success with online dating? Or where to meet them?



## bobsmith

Probably come off conceded here but have at least a decent idea of my area I can attract. I tried a couple sites years ago and got tons of replies from women with 5 kids, or in general, just were not attractive to me at all. 

Then I shot off a few messages to women I really figured I could get. Not one reply. 

It almost seems like online sites are basically just judgement pools for appearance selection only! And women are just as guilty as men on selecting based on looks. I mean, you look at a pic, and make a decision. **** thing is I have seen a really pretty pic before only to later see the rest. How do you let them down easy?


Where can a guy find success finding women? I probably would mostly want a woman that likes country music so I figured going to concerts, but it sure seems a good majority there are hooked up. I have never been to a dating "party" or whatever they are. that might really intimidate me.


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## Diana7

Well I met my husband on a dating site as did about 10 other couples I know. See if you can find one for others with similar interests. I went onto Christian dating sites because I wanted a husband who shared my faith. 
Don't go onto free ones, international ones, or ones like tinder which are basically for casual sex and based entirely on looks. 

There are sites on line where you can meet others who share similar interests. Not specifically dating sites, but can be a good place to meet others. Take up hobbies, do voluntary work, sports, join clubs, get out there as much as you can.


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## uhtred

Other than appearance, what are you putting in to make yourself interesting / desirable? Other than apperance what are you looking for?


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## happy as a clam

Bob... do you really think you’re ready to start hitting the dating sites? Just last week you were prepared to declare your undying love for your recent ex and present her with an engagement ring!

Seriously, this all seems a bit fast considering where your head was at last week.

Can you possibly get over someone that quickly??


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## Diana7

happy as a clam said:


> Bob... do you really think you’re ready to start hitting the dating sites? Just last week you were prepared to declare your undying love for your recent ex and present her with an engagement ring!
> 
> Seriously, this all seems a bit fast considering where your head was at last week.
> 
> Can you possibly get over someone that quickly??


Wow didn't realise it was the same man, sorry. I agree that you are definitely not ready for dating so soon after a long relationship ends. I thought you loved your girlfriend? This makes me wonder how much you loved her at all. You do not get over someone you love in a week, or even a year or two.


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## pragmaticGoddess

You should work on your self-esteem issues. Rather than dating, pick up a sport or hobby. You don’t sound like good boyfriend material.


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## bobsmith

Oh trust me, i am not going to be actively chasing for a women for some time. I would sure like to look around though just so I can get some ideas. My ex taught me that you just never know where/when you may stumble into something. I know I could not handle stepping into another relationship right now. 


One thing I figured out quick is I really have no pictures to even put online that don't include someone and that never looks good to have a cropped or blurred pic with your ex.


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## RandomDude

You can try meetup.com, but it's not really a dating site, you just meet people of similar interests, and maybe you'll find someone. Don't bother with the single/dating meetups, stick to the hobbyist ones if you want quality and/or picky.

As far as online dating sites go, here's my experience with them after divorce: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/328353-online-dating-recommendations.html
In the end it's just a numbers game so try not to take it too seriously.

Ultimately the best way is to wait for an opportunity when a pretty lady looks at you and gives you the greenlight to approach. Natural occurrences are best.


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## musicftw07

Can't speak for everyone or everywhere, but my experience with OLD as a man was terrible. The only women who showed interest were well below my league. Women in my league were holding out for unicorns.

In real life, however, I've had fantastic success. Never had a problem chatting up women out and about while living my life. I met my girlfriend that way. She's the best woman I've ever known, and is also my best friend.

Just for kicks, I looked at a couple sites I tried after I got into my relationship. Wasn't looking to date anyone else, I just wanted to see if any of the unicorn-seekers had found one. Not a single one had.

I'm only 5'8", and encountered tons of "Don't message me if you're under 5'10"" statements of women's profiles. In real life, my height has never been an issue. Heck, my GF is just as tall as me and is a couple inches taller when she wears heels. For reasons I cannot articulate, it's pretty hot to me.

OLD is fake. Real life is real.


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## FalCod

I work with a guy in his late forties that is having success with online dating. He had some professionally done shots of him in business attire at the office and casual attire in a photo studio and outdoors. I don't know what his profile looks like, but he's getting plenty of matches. 

His approach is to meet them for a "coffee date". It's a minimal time commitment, low risk way to see if there is any real interest there. Most are pleasant dates but without mutual interest. He meets a lot of women that would like a friendship, but he's more focused on people with long term relationship potential. He's had a few longish relationships since he started this, but he hasn't found the right one yet.

Don't know what sites he's on. I'm a guy, so I can't really say for sure if he is attractive or not. I get the impression that he's attractive but not stunning. I suspect that part of his success is that he's interesting. It probably doesn't hurt that he's also a moderately successful professional.


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## EleGirl

I met my husband on a Catholic dating site. My BFF met her husband on the same site, at the same time.

Where to meet them? Always make your firsts date or two very low key. For example meet at a coffee house. You both drive your selves there. This way, if there is no spark to start you can figure it out and neither of you have invested a lot.


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## Mr The Other

bobsmith said:


> Probably come off conceded here but have at least a decent idea of my area I can attract. I tried a couple sites years ago and got tons of replies from women with 5 kids, or in general, just were not attractive to me at all.
> 
> Then I shot off a few messages to women I really figured I could get. Not one reply.
> 
> It almost seems like online sites are basically just judgement pools for appearance selection only! And women are just as guilty as men on selecting based on looks. I mean, you look at a pic, and make a decision. **** thing is I have seen a really pretty pic before only to later see the rest. How do you let them down easy?
> 
> 
> Where can a guy find success finding women? I probably would mostly want a woman that likes country music so I figured going to concerts, but it sure seems a good majority there are hooked up. I have never been to a dating "party" or whatever they are. that might really intimidate me.


Join ******* and pay.

Find the women you are attracted to in terms of personality, but looking at how they answer the questions. This is the starting point. 

Answer the specific questions that are relevant to you and your ideal woman (as that is what you really want). The point of this is that your Match% level with the women you are compatible with will then be 90%+. 

Then, do your profile. To do this, take inspiration from the most popular male profiles looking for straight women (you can do that). Note how they say what they are looking for and who they are and the tone. There is plenty of advise on photos.

Then, search.

Women that are a good match will come up as 90%+. That gives you a reason to write to them, as that is freakishly high. And, the ice is broken "97% Match! That is something special! .......".

Get married, and write me a thank you letter.


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## bobsmith

I think half the problem with online stuff for me is people seem to be obsessed with your "type". I honestly don't even know! I mean, I can look at a pic, think someone is so-so, and meet in person and be like WOW. Or, for instance, I have always liked golden blond hair with some natural curl. However, that does not mean that is all I would accept. Hell, my last ex had dark, thin, straight hair. Didn't bother me because we had other things. 


So I guess I might question the "match" thing just a bit on sites, and I never know how to fill out those question sheets. Like what are my political views. Come on, I think real people know when you find the right one, certain things just don't matter as much.


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## ReformedHubby

I tried it when separated. If you're a guy that is fairly good looking and witty, it can work out for you....but....you have to be patient. The thing is most of the people that are interested in you without you messaging them are people you probably wouldn't be attracted to. Then of the ones you like, you have to understand that EVERYONE else likes them too. So chances are they won't even read your message because she gets too many, and even if she does it will be for a quick glance. I pretty much decided I would fare better just going out. The woman I am dating now I didn't meet online. According to her when she tried online dating she would get hundreds of messages a week. She was over whelmed, my chances of getting a date with her through OLD would have been around zero. I say for guys its best to meet women the old fashioned way.


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## 482

When I was single I did and here is what I found out 

POF was a breading ground for nut cases. One girl actually built the "red room" in her basement from 50 shades. I met some real interesting girls on there. Also lots of misrepresentation (looking nothing like their picture) This was the case with all the free services like this one I tried. 

Paid sites like Match was more in line with finding a real relationship and a real woman. Accurate information, pictures, and intentions.


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## Yeswecan

bobsmith said:


> One thing I figured out quick is I really have no pictures to even put online that don't include someone and that never looks good to have a cropped or blurred pic with your ex.


That's the beauty of cellphones. One can have others take pictures of them with their phone. Or the selfie. Then post it! Truly a technological feat.


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## dadstartingover

pragmaticGoddess said:


> You should work on your self-esteem issues. Rather than dating, pick up a sport or hobby. You don’t sound like good boyfriend material.


BINGO.

"_Jumping into a relationship too soon is a sign of being broken. A rational person sits back and recognizes their need for help. A rational person realizes that bringing other human beings into their broken world will not end well. It’s not fair to themselves, their loved ones, or the new “girlfriend_.”

*You can't trust yourself. Take time to heal.*


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## Ynot

Ok my two cents. I speak as a 57 year old man who was married for 24 years and been divorced for over 3 years. 

OLD is something that you might want to look into from a therapeutic stand point. I am not suggesting that you use people. But just log on and look at the pics. First off almost every woman's profile has a few selfies. Second off, just consider the sheer number of profiles for people you might consider "worthy" or in your "league". Each and every one of those people are in the same boat that you are in. They are mostly divorced and are looking for that some one. If you read their profiles, many times you can see exactly what they are recovering from in terms of past relationships. All of this helps you realize that you are not alone in what you are going thru. There are literally thousands of people right where you live who are out there looking. So you can take heart from that.

Once you decide to date (and screw that wait until you are ready stuff - because the reality is no one ever recovers, we are all changed by our pasts. Dating is how we learn about ourselves). Then as others have said it is a numbers game. A brutal numbers game that can leave you broken and spent. But do not take it personally, it is after all ON LINE dating. But OLD is not the best way to meet people because all you are dealing with are a few pics and their own self description.

A better way of meeting people and better yet, of improving yourself, gaining self confidence and healing is to get involved with what you love. Again, as others have said, Meet Up is a great way to meet new people who enjoy the same things that you do. They might be men, they might be women, they might be looking or the might be in a committed relationship, but they all will share an interest that you have. You will make new friends, learn to speak to people and better yet learn to speak to women platonically instead of romantically. Although eventually even that will take place.


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## southbound

musicftw07 said:


> Can't speak for everyone or everywhere, but my experience with OLD as a man was terrible. The only women who showed interest were well below my league. Women in my league were holding out for unicorns.
> 
> In real life, however, I've had fantastic success. Never had a problem chatting up women out and about while living my life. I met my girlfriend that way. She's the best woman I've ever known, and is also my best friend.
> 
> Just for kicks, I looked at a couple sites I tried after I got into my relationship. Wasn't looking to date anyone else, I just wanted to see if any of the unicorn-seekers had found one. Not a single one had.
> 
> I'm only 5'8", and encountered tons of "Don't message me if you're under 5'10"" statements of women's profiles. In real life, my height has never been an issue. Heck, my GF is just as tall as me and is a couple inches taller when she wears heels. For reasons I cannot articulate, it's pretty hot to me.
> 
> OLD is fake. Real life is real.


I’ve found them to have a lot of exaggerated things too. They all state that they don’t like drama. I guess definitions of drama must vary. Most profiles try to convince you how exciting they are and all the adventurous things they enjoy. I didn’t realize that traveling, the beach, and bonfires were such universal joys among women.


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## Mr The Other

southbound said:


> I’ve found them to have a lot of exaggerated things too. They all state that they don’t like drama. I guess definitions of drama must vary. Most profiles try to convince you how exciting they are and all the adventurous things they enjoy. I didn’t realize that traveling, the beach, and bonfires were such universal joys among women.


Most people don't like drama. It means being stressed and upset.

It is just that drama starts in your own head when something seems dramatic. If it is not dramatic to anyone else, it is clear it is you causing the drama, but to you, it is the thing you are blaming. And the people who have most reason to dislike it are those that suffer it the more.

Rock climbing is another. No-one actually like that in real life.


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## southbound

Mr The Other said:


> southbound said:
> 
> 
> 
> Rock climbing is another. No-one actually like that in real life.
> 
> 
> 
> The thing is, I will soon be 50, and those are the things I see listed on women’s profiles in that age group. The thing is, I don’t know a lot of guys in that age group who are looking to bring constant, on-the-go activity to his life. The profiles lead the reader to believe they do these things on a regular basis. I guess they are trying to make the point that they are not boring.
> 
> It’s not that it’s necessarily a deal breaker, but I don’t know many guys who say, “I wish I could find a woman who likes constant activity,” but women seem to think that is a big draw.
> 
> I actually know guys who notice the down to earth profiles more. They will say things like, “maybe this one is real.”
Click to expand...


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## bobsmith

I don't know what to think about these profiles. All I see when I read "love going to other countries, visiting new places, traveling" is high maintenance. I also realize there are men that literally want to go "somewhere" every weekend, and can never he home, so maybe those things are good to know upfront. 

However, not like you would put "like to stay home all the time, do nothing" in your profile. 

I just find that people like to inflate their profiles a bit, and I am probably at a disadvantage because I think it will be a waste of time to inflate mine, then under deliver.


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## southbound

bobsmith said:


> However, not like you would put "like to stay home all the time, do nothing" in your profile.
> 
> I just find that people like to inflate their profiles a bit, and I am probably at a disadvantage because I think it will be a waste of time to inflate mine, then under deliver.


I’m with you, I don’t inflate my profile at all. I try to get the point across that I’m laid back and don’t like being on the go all the time. I figure what’s the use? It’s not going to take long for a woman to discover the real me, so why try to look flashy. 

I agree that it might not be good for a woman to put that they like stAying at home all the time, but I feel like the pictures of rock climbing and skydiving is trying a little too hard. I like to know what someone is like in their everyday life.


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## ReformedHubby

bobsmith said:


> One thing I figured out quick is I really have no pictures to even put online that don't include someone and that never looks good to have a cropped or blurred pic with your ex.


Definitely do not put pics of yourself up with just you and another woman. I did that once and quite a few of the women I corresponded with thought I was a part of a couple looking for a threesome. I was shocked, apparently thats a subtle way of letting people know that's what you want. What was even more shocking to me was that there were actual women that were just fine with being a third. One actually preferred that when in between relationships. This wasn't some sketch site either. It was one of the "normal" ones.


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## RandomDude

My profile in OLD was normally just:

<<<CLASSIFIED>>> or ///TOP SECRET/// Level 3 Clearance required ///

And it worked


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## oldshirt

bobsmith said:


> Oh trust me, i am not going to be actively chasing for a women for some time. I would sure like to look around though just so I can get some ideas. My ex taught me that you just never know where/when you may stumble into something. I know I could not handle stepping into another relationship right now.
> 
> 
> One thing I figured out quick is I really have no pictures to even put online that don't include someone and that never looks good to have a cropped or blurred pic with your ex.


When your house is burning down around you; that is not the time to be looking for a new car.


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## Randy2

In my 40's and 50's I did a lot of online dating with different services and have spoken with many people about their online dating experience. A number of "relationships" developed and lasted 6 months to 3 years. I'd suggest:
1. You will either quit online dating or get used to a LOT of rejection for unstated reasons.
2. You'll learn a lot about yourself and your preferences, and about other people.
3. You will hopefully have some fun.
4. Hopefully, You will become better at setting boundaries.
5. In the early stages of online dating, you are not likely to commit to anyone. You're in shopping mode. 
6. In the mid and later stages of online dating, you may still have difficulty committing to anyone. I've described online dating as - "A personnel search for an executive/employee WITHOUT a firm hire date." I believe there is a certain magic or chemistry which happens when 2 compatible people meet. I found in myself and others, that it was difficult to experience or "be available" to that magic on a Friday night, as I knew there would be another/possible better applicant's resume in the mail on Monday. There's also something weird about knowing a ton of details about someone (their profile) BEFORE you meet them, that makes the "magic" elusive.


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## Wolf1974

I loved online dating and had great success with it to include my current GF. If we broke up I would go back without hesitation. I think one of the reasons OLD never bothered me is low expectations and I called people on thier BS. A woman who showed up and clearly had pictures from 10 years ago and 50 lbs ago I just started saying no thanks and left.


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## minimalME

Woman peeking in to respond.



southbound said:


> I’ve found them to have a lot of exaggerated things too. *They all state that they don’t like drama.* I guess definitions of drama must vary. Most profiles try to convince you how exciting they are and all the adventurous things they enjoy. I didn’t realize that traveling, the beach, and bonfires were such universal joys among women.


I've gotten so sick of this word. 

Conflict is part of human relationships. When I read that 'drama' is unacceptable, it comes across like people expect no bad attitudes, no arguements, etc. It's unreasonable, and I wonder who started the 'no drama' trend.



Mr The Other said:


> Rock climbing is another. No-one actually like that in real life.


Visit Utah. We have real people that live this way in abundance. 

In general, the thing that's burned me out on online dating has been the disappearing. I have no problem with someone telling me we aren't compatible. But the ghosting has become ridiculous. It's the stuff of cowardly, immature children - men or women.


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## Bananapeel

I don't have a problem meeting women online or IRL. The secret, if you want to call it that, is just to be a great catch. If you are then it takes very little effort and a simple "hi" is all it takes to start a conversation. There's no need for a secret strategy to get a response. 

OP, take some time to work on yourself and become a great catch before dating again. It makes the dating experience easy and fun.


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## southbound

minimalME said:


> Woman peeking in to respond.
> 
> 
> 
> southbound said:
> 
> 
> 
> I’ve found them to have a lot of exaggerated things too. *They all state that they don’t like drama.* I guess definitions of drama must vary. Most profiles try to convince you how exciting they are and all the adventurous things they enjoy. I didn’t realize that traveling, the beach, and bonfires were such universal joys among women.
> 
> 
> 
> I've gotten so sick of this word.
> 
> Conflict is part of human relationships. When I read that 'drama' is unacceptable, it comes across like people expect no bad attitudes, no arguements, etc. It's unreasonable, and I wonder who started the 'no drama' trend.
Click to expand...

I guess everyone has their own definition of drama, but to be honest, I strongly dislike people who always have to be in conflict about something or upset about something. A lot of people like making mountains of mole hills. 

I think that is a sign of immaturity. I don’t have conflict with my parents, brother, kids, or co-workers, so why have it in a relationship? That’s exhausting. 

My problem with use of the word drama is that most people who go to the trouble of saying they don’t like it actually participate in it regularly.


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## DustyDog

bobsmith said:


> Probably come off conceded here but have at least a decent idea of my area I can attract. I tried a couple sites years ago and got tons of replies from women with 5 kids, or in general, just were not attractive to me at all.
> 
> Then I shot off a few messages to women I really figured I could get. Not one reply.
> 
> It almost seems like online sites are basically just judgement pools for appearance selection only! And women are just as guilty as men on selecting based on looks. I mean, you look at a pic, and make a decision. **** thing is I have seen a really pretty pic before only to later see the rest. How do you let them down easy?
> 
> 
> Where can a guy find success finding women? I probably would mostly want a woman that likes country music so I figured going to concerts, but it sure seems a good majority there are hooked up. I have never been to a dating "party" or whatever they are. that might really intimidate me.


IMO, women are more focused on looks than men. Simply because there's only one standard for women. Tall, dark, handsome, financially successful.

For men, there are many standards. Some men like them curvy, some men like them trim, some men want them emotionally needy, some want them low maintenance. For any given type of woman, there is a man who wants her.

For men, if you're not the ONE type they all want...sorry.


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## minimalME

southbound said:


> I guess everyone has their own definition of drama, but to be honest, I strongly dislike people who always have to be in conflict about something or upset about something. A lot of people like making mountains of mole hills.
> 
> I think that is a sign of immaturity. I don’t have conflict with my parents, brother, kids, or co-workers, so why have it in a relationship? That’s exhausting.
> 
> My problem with use of the word drama is that most people who go to the trouble of saying they don’t like it actually participate in it regularly.


Yes, I agree that daily conflict would be exhausting and a sign of an unbalanced person. I can't imagine anyone being that unhappy.

I've dated a lot of people. I don't recall any of them being dramatic.


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## minimalME

DustyDog said:


> IMO, women are more focused on looks than men. Simply because there's only one standard for women. Tall, dark, handsome, financially successful.
> 
> For men, there are many standards. Some men like them curvy, some men like them trim, some men want them emotionally needy, some want them low maintenance. For any given type of woman, there is a man who wants her.
> 
> For men, if you're not the ONE type they all want...sorry.


I was married to tall, dark and handsome for 20 years, but it's not what I look for when dating. 

There does have to be some level of attraction, but I find the majority of men to be attractive. I can't do overweight, but other than that, I'm pretty flexible. I am heavily influenced by the sound of voices. 

Mainly, I look for common values and character. Do they mean what they say? Do they show up? Are they kind? 

Since online dating is nothing more than meeting strangers, the majority don't last very long. Most men I've met want to be overly familiar very quickly, and I don't do that, so they move on within 3 to 4 dates.


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## Diana7

southbound said:


> I guess everyone has their own definition of drama, but to be honest, I strongly dislike people who always have to be in conflict about something or upset about something. A lot of people like making mountains of mole hills.
> 
> I think that is a sign of immaturity. I don’t have conflict with my parents, brother, kids, or co-workers, so why have it in a relationship? That’s exhausting.
> 
> My problem with use of the word drama is that most people who go to the trouble of saying they don’t like it actually participate in it regularly.


I agree, which is partly what attracted me to my husband. He is a typical Aussie, completely laid back, patient, easy to please and easy going. Its a pleasure to be married to him, honestly. No drama, no blow ups, no angry scenes, so meanness or rudeness, no anger, no bad moods.........bliss.:grin2:


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## southbound

Diana7 said:


> southbound said:
> 
> 
> 
> I guess everyone has their own definition of drama, but to be honest, I strongly dislike people who always have to be in conflict about something or upset about something. A lot of people like making mountains of mole hills.
> 
> I think that is a sign of immaturity. I don’t have conflict with my parents, brother, kids, or co-workers, so why have it in a relationship? That’s exhausting.
> 
> My problem with use of the word drama is that most people who go to the trouble of saying they don’t like it actually participate in it regularly.
> 
> 
> 
> I agree, which is partly what attracted me to my husband. He is a typical Aussie, completely laid back, patient, easy to please and easy going. Its a pleasure to be married to him, honestly. No drama, no blow ups, no angry scenes, so meanness or rudeness, no anger, no bad moods.........bliss.
Click to expand...

It sounds like you have a keeper. I would think those are characteristics every woman would want in a man.


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## Rubix Cubed

minimalME said:


> Woman peeking in to respond.
> 
> 
> 
> I've gotten so sick of this word.
> 
> Conflict is part of human relationships. When I read that 'drama' is unacceptable, it comes across like people expect no bad attitudes, no arguements, etc. It's unreasonable, and I wonder who started the 'no drama' trend.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> In general, the thing that's burned me out on online dating has been the disappearing. I have no problem with someone telling me we aren't compatible. But the ghosting has become ridiculous. It's the stuff of cowardly, immature children - men or women.


 Maybe you like too much Drama.


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## Diana7

southbound said:


> It sounds like you have a keeper. I would think those are characteristics every woman would want in a man.


Well you would think so, but his first wife clearly didn't agree. I think she is completely mad to let such a man go, but then her loss is my gain. :wink2:


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## southbound

Diana7 said:


> southbound said:
> 
> 
> 
> It sounds like you have a keeper. I would think those are characteristics every woman would want in a man.
> 
> 
> 
> Well you would think so, but his first wife clearly didn't agree. I think she is completely mad to let such a man go, but then her loss is my gain.
Click to expand...

It does seem like there are many women out there who need a lot more than just those characteristics. That puzzles me. I would think that would be top of the list.


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## FeministInPink

southbound said:


> I guess everyone has their own definition of drama, but to be honest, I strongly dislike people who always have to be in conflict about something or upset about something. A lot of people like making mountains of mole hills.
> 
> I think that is a sign of immaturity. I don’t have conflict with my parents, brother, kids, or co-workers, so why have it in a relationship? That’s exhausting.
> 
> My problem with use of the word drama is that most people who go to the trouble of saying they don’t like it actually participate in it regularly.


IMHO (and in my experience) men who indicate on their profiles that they don't like drama are the exact types of men to avoid, because "drama" is code for "consequences for my bad behavior." In other words, "I will behave badly and I want a woman who will put up with it instead of calling me on my BS."

I don't mean to generalize, but this has been my experience with literally every single man who has said, "I don't like drama." 

My experience with OLD was very disappointing, and I doubt that I would do it again if Real Estate and I break up. He and I met in a more organic fashion, and that is what I prefer. I don't care for the "numbers game" of OLD and having to deal with the messages from sleazeballs.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## bobsmith

I have to agree about the chemistry and such OLD. I know I seem to think I can make it work and it all sounds great to look at a list, and make a selection, but the reality I will probably have to accept is I can learn more about a women in 5sec than, 5min looking at her profile. 

Quick story. Met a super great woman online many years ago. I was getting medical advice and she was in medicine but had a profile pic there. We ended up hitting it off VERY well. Chatted it up online a LOT. She was rich, a doctor, adored me, and offered to move to me if we hit it off. Neither of us were really "looking" for a relationship. This was not even dating. She finally called me and I was pretty bummed because she had a "mother" voice but I wanted to give it a shot. 

She flew in, rented the nicest hotel here you can imagine. We banged several times! She would pretty much do anything I wanted. She was pretty much in love with me, but I just could not do it! I felt nothing for her. I felt SO bad, but I never contacted her again after that. Man, if I was wanting a sugar mama, that was IT!!! At least I learned something about myself. No amount of money can buy my love. I just don't care.


----------



## Elizabeth001

FeministInPink said:


> IMHO (and in my experience) men who indicate on their profiles that they don't like drama are the exact types of men to avoid, because "drama" is code for "consequences for my bad behavior." In other words, "I will behave badly and I want a woman who will put up with it instead of calling me on my BS."
> 
> I don't mean to generalize, but this has been my experience with literally every single man who has said, "I don't like drama."
> 
> My experience with OLD was very disappointing, and I doubt that I would do it again if Real Estate and I break up. He and I met in a more organic fashion, and that is what I prefer. I don't care for the "numbers game" of OLD and having to deal with the messages from sleazeballs.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk




Right on!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Elizabeth001

Elizabeth001 said:


> Right on!
> 
> ETA: ORRRR....they are drama magnets.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk







Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Personal

DustyDog said:


> IMO, women are more focused on looks than men. Simply because there's only one standard for women. Tall, dark, handsome, financially successful.
> 
> For men, there are many standards. Some men like them curvy, some men like them trim, some men want them emotionally needy, some want them low maintenance. For any given type of woman, there is a man who wants her.
> 
> For men, if you're not the ONE type they all want...sorry.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Although I fit the dark and handsome criteria, at 5'3" I certainly will never be tall and plenty of my previous sexual partners including my wife earn more than I do. Yet I never lacked for attractive female suitors and great sex.

In my experience getting sex, girlfriends and even wives has always been pretty easy, to the point that I seldom even bothered to ask many out. Since there were always plenty of women, that kept asking me out on dates and or offering me sex.

If your mileage has varied from that, perhaps you've been doing it wrong.


----------



## Rhubarb

Well....I found my wife online after getting divorced (my ex-wife cheated) but this probably won't help you much since I'm living overseas in southern Russia. I have to say this area is pretty woman central! There are many drop dead gorgeous women here. You can go on these international dating sites but I really don't recommend it. There are tons of nice gals here. In fact I think good guys are more in demand that good women......... but!....... You have to be very carefully because what you find online is screwed heavily by the fact that many women are just looking to move somewhere else with a guy with a decent income. I had the huge advantage of being here already so it was easier to get a feel for things. If you are simply writing to each other in email, it basically tells you squat no matter what she says to you. Skype isn't much better. If they are too eager to just get up and go and leave family and friends that should tell you something.

My wife takes care of her mother once or twice a week. She is very solid, goes the gym, has a perfect figure which she cares about keeping, has a teaching degree, and is currently working on starting her own business. I've been with her a couple of years now and she's great. She'll walk with me in the dead of winter in Moscow or 10 km though farm land just for fun and she loves having sex probably more than me. I really have zero complaints.


----------



## Laurentium

FeministInPink said:


> men who indicate on their profiles that they don't like drama are the exact types of men to avoid, because "drama" is code for "consequences for my bad behavior." In other words, "I will behave badly and I want a woman who will put up with it instead of calling me on my BS."


Yes, this! And ditto for women, by the way.


----------



## Diana7

DustyDog said:


> IMO, women are more focused on looks than men. Simply because there's only one standard for women. Tall, dark, handsome, financially successful.
> 
> For men, there are many standards. Some men like them curvy, some men like them trim, some men want them emotionally needy, some want them low maintenance. For any given type of woman, there is a man who wants her.
> 
> For men, if you're not the ONE type they all want...sorry.


I think you are very wrong. I didnt have any such stipulations that a man I wanted had to be tall, dark, handsome or was financially successful. I know many happily married ladies whose husbands are not tall, dark or especially handsome. 
Women's likes and dislikes are just as varied as men's.


----------



## DustyDog

Diana7 said:


> I think you are very wrong. I didnt have any such stipulations that a man I wanted had to be tall, dark, handsome or was financially successful. I know many happily married ladies whose husbands are not tall, dark or especially handsome.
> Women's likes and dislikes are just as varied as men's.


Just as varied, I agree. However, the statistics seem skewed. Walk through malls and shopping centers and you'll see many out-of-shape women with men. The overweight men are more likely solo.

My current GF is one of the more open-minded people I know, but she pointed out that he we not essentially been forced to get to know each other by participating in classes for six months, she'd have never taken a second look...fair-haired men never drew her attention. And when you look at her Facebook feed, when she posts a photo of me, her girlfriends fairly often say "he must be really nice" and in the following comments a variation of "because he's obviously not an alpha".

National Geographic did a fascinating article on alpha/beta/gamma, etc. Mind you, the pop-culture definition of "beta" is incorrect. The concept comes from studying the pack structure of apes. Alphas lead by being loud, taking up a lot of space and being demanding...exactly the kinds of men who are showing up in the headlines today as abusers - they lead by taking and doing what they want and not caring about the impact on others. Betas lead by collaborating, by getting groups to work toward a common goal, and so forth. Not a less successful person, but success in a different way. And the gammas and deltas, in turn, have their methods.

In ape packs, the alpha males can pick almost any of the females. A smaller sub-set of the females are available to the betas, and a smaller set to the gammas, etc.

But these are just animals, not humans, right? Turns out - wrong. National Geographic then turned their attention to humans. They observed many different situations in which men and women interacted. Workplaces, houses of worship, primary and secondary education, concerts, shopping centers, doctors' offices, even bars.

They found the same thing everywhere. Men who looked and acted alpha got more attention from everybody, but more so from the women. We can't shake this idea that men are supposed to be the protectors...therefore boldness and physical size matter to women. And we never will shake this because it is anthropological.

From the first writings of belief systems, it was clear where life came from. Woman. And it was obvious that creating life put her into a defenseless position. Therefore, the role of men was secondary, but important - they were servants to women, keeping them safe during the process of childbirth and then rearing the child, at least to the point where the child did not need breast milk. And we can't shake that. Yes, we live in ugly boxes called houses and the man really doesn't have to protect her like before - but babies are born with the pre-existing beliefs..we DO have a collective consciousness and it is imbued at birth. Want proof? You can scare a newborn and she cries. Why? Knowledge from before birth.

What about tall dark and handsome? I'm willing to give handsome a let-go since IMO, it's subjective. But tall and dark are not. Back to National Geographic. They were able to teach men to act alpha, beta, etc. Shorter (below 5'9") men were taught to be alphas. The success of the teaching was measured by whether they were treated as alphas while seated and nobody could identify their heights. Then they were inserted into situations where they would stand. Consistently, if women or men could compare that man's height to anybody else - women or men - if the man was less than 5'9" (approx - varied with culture), and acted alpha, he was, equivalently, told he was a Napoleon! He'd have had better success acting beta...and capturing the attention, according to Nat Geo, of about 95% fewer women than the alphas who were tall and dark enough to be accepted in the roles.

We do stereotype based on visual appearance and it is again a natural part of how the brain works.


And I agree, there are certainly women who don't insist the man be a provider. I've heard of them. I've never met one, though. One image consultant told me that because I'm clearly not alpha capable (in brief: short redhead with "boyish" facial features - there's some advantage to that at age 60, but there was no advantage in normal dating years), I had to be beta (also difficult for me, since a "good beta" is highly organized and my learning disability prevents that), and compensate by at least having high income...that would not put me nearly on an even footing with true alphas, but it would reduce the gap.

In the end, it means that if I'm in that mode where I'm seeking a relationship, I have to spend MUCH more time in social situations I might not otherwise do, in order to cross the paths of more women, and hopefully one will be willing to spend enough time with me to see my character. 

My results have been weird. I go a long time between romantic relationships. But when a woman is willing to go out with me even twice - she's hooked enough that the relationship ends when I end it. I've not been dumped.

But I can't say as I'm all that good at having the "right" ones drawn to me.

My ex-wife actually told me she preferred redheaded men - a first for me. I took it as a compliment until I was smart enough to ask why and she said, "because they get misunderstood by the public and as a result, prefer never go to out and that's what I want, a couch potato". Well, I"m not that. Wish I'd been smart enough to ask that sooner. Too soon old, too late smart.

I'm rambling...hopefully there's enough usefulness in the ramble for others.

DD


----------



## DustyDog

Personal said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> Although I fit the dark and handsome criteria, at 5'3" I certainly will never be tall and plenty of my previous sexual partners including my wife earn more than I do. Yet I never lacked for attractive female suitors and great sex.
> 
> In my experience getting sex, girlfriends and even wives has always been pretty easy, to the point that I seldom even bothered to ask many out. Since there were always plenty of women, that kept asking me out on dates and or offering me sex.
> 
> If your mileage has varied from that, perhaps you've been doing it wrong.


Indeed, in the National Geographic study I mentioned earlier, there was some evidence that fair-haired had a far greater disadvantage for short men than for tall men. I know plenty of shorter men who are broad-shouldered and square-jawed and they get a much greater pick of women than I do. Hollywood's usage of short redheaded men is as comic relief or evil criminal mastermind, never a hero...so the preconceived notion of short redheaded men is "Alfred P. Newman"!!!

Now, once I get past the seemingly steep curve to get a woman to pay any attention to me at all, they tend to get quite 'hooked' and sex becomes regular. I've dated a few psychologists and they tell me it's because women feel extremely vulnerable during sex, and my 'mild and clearly safe' demeanor puts them at ease. Indeed, a few of the women I've been with said that they were reluctant to orgasm with previous men because they felt so vulnerable doing so, but knew I would not use it to hurt them.

My marital problem was mine - I didn't terminate it when it was clear she was not who she presented herself as being.

Not a lesson learned, I fear...at this age, I think I shall not marry again. Long term arrangements, sure, but the work she went through to make the divorce a horrible process...I won't let anybody have that much power over me again.


----------



## OMO

Read through this with some amusement. I recently tried OLD through a couple sites.

Here's what I've found in the profiles:

All women "love to laugh." Who knew?

All women are "living life to the fullest." Again - wow.

All women love to hike. And camp. All of them. 

All women are equally happy being at home curled up with a glass of wine watching a movie, or getting dressed up and going out on the town. And they can change from dirty work clothes to glam in 10 minutes. 

All women are runners. Even if they just took it up last year to run around and get colored powder thrown in their faces, they all love to run and they always have! They also love to get matching t-shirts and go pay to run around a muddy course with their friends. You know, stuff us guys did as kids and we called it "playing."

If what you're interested in is just dating, OLD is fine. If you're interested in finding someone who is into what you're into - then just go live life doing those things, and maybe that person is out there doing the same.


----------



## toblerone

OMO said:


> Read through this with some amusement. I recently tried OLD through a couple sites.
> 
> Here's what I've found in the profiles:
> 
> All women "love to laugh." Who knew?
> 
> All women are "living life to the fullest." Again - wow.
> 
> All women love to hike. And camp. All of them.
> 
> All women are equally happy being at home curled up with a glass of wine watching a movie, or getting dressed up and going out on the town. And they can change from dirty work clothes to glam in 10 minutes.
> 
> All women are runners. Even if they just took it up last year to run around and get colored powder thrown in their faces, they all love to run and they always have! They also love to get matching t-shirts and go pay to run around a muddy course with their friends. You know, stuff us guys did as kids and we called it "playing."
> 
> If what you're interested in is just dating, OLD is fine. If you're interested in finding someone who is into what you're into - then just go live life doing those things, and maybe that person is out there doing the same.


Yea, from my time in OLD you get to know a lot about women from what they post.

Loves to laugh = fat


----------



## Mr The Other

DustyDog said:


> Just as varied, I agree. However, the statistics seem skewed. Walk through malls and shopping centers and you'll see many out-of-shape women with men. The overweight men are more likely solo.
> 
> My current GF is one of the more open-minded people I know, but she pointed out that he we not essentially been forced to get to know each other by participating in classes for six months, she'd have never taken a second look...fair-haired men never drew her attention. And when you look at her Facebook feed, when she posts a photo of me, her girlfriends fairly often say "he must be really nice" and in the following comments a variation of "because he's obviously not an alpha".
> 
> National Geographic did a fascinating article on alpha/beta/gamma, etc. Mind you, the pop-culture definition of "beta" is incorrect. The concept comes from studying the pack structure of apes. Alphas lead by being loud, taking up a lot of space and being demanding...exactly the kinds of men who are showing up in the headlines today as abusers - they lead by taking and doing what they want and not caring about the impact on others. Betas lead by collaborating, by getting groups to work toward a common goal, and so forth. Not a less successful person, but success in a different way. And the gammas and deltas, in turn, have their methods.
> 
> In ape packs, the alpha males can pick almost any of the females. A smaller sub-set of the females are available to the betas, and a smaller set to the gammas, etc.
> 
> But these are just animals, not humans, right? Turns out - wrong. National Geographic then turned their attention to humans. They observed many different situations in which men and women interacted. Workplaces, houses of worship, primary and secondary education, concerts, shopping centers, doctors' offices, even bars.
> 
> They found the same thing everywhere. Men who looked and acted alpha got more attention from everybody, but more so from the women. We can't shake this idea that men are supposed to be the protectors...therefore boldness and physical size matter to women. And we never will shake this because it is anthropological.
> 
> From the first writings of belief systems, it was clear where life came from. Woman. And it was obvious that creating life put her into a defenseless position. Therefore, the role of men was secondary, but important - they were servants to women, keeping them safe during the process of childbirth and then rearing the child, at least to the point where the child did not need breast milk. And we can't shake that. Yes, we live in ugly boxes called houses and the man really doesn't have to protect her like before - but babies are born with the pre-existing beliefs..we DO have a collective consciousness and it is imbued at birth. Want proof? You can scare a newborn and she cries. Why? Knowledge from before birth.
> 
> What about tall dark and handsome? I'm willing to give handsome a let-go since IMO, it's subjective. But tall and dark are not. Back to National Geographic. They were able to teach men to act alpha, beta, etc. Shorter (below 5'9") men were taught to be alphas. The success of the teaching was measured by whether they were treated as alphas while seated and nobody could identify their heights. Then they were inserted into situations where they would stand. Consistently, if women or men could compare that man's height to anybody else - women or men - if the man was less than 5'9" (approx - varied with culture), and acted alpha, he was, equivalently, told he was a Napoleon! He'd have had better success acting beta...and capturing the attention, according to Nat Geo, of about 95% fewer women than the alphas who were tall and dark enough to be accepted in the roles.
> 
> We do stereotype based on visual appearance and it is again a natural part of how the brain works.
> 
> 
> And I agree, there are certainly women who don't insist the man be a provider. I've heard of them. I've never met one, though. One image consultant told me that because I'm clearly not alpha capable (in brief: short redhead with "boyish" facial features - there's some advantage to that at age 60, but there was no advantage in normal dating years), I had to be beta (also difficult for me, since a "good beta" is highly organized and my learning disability prevents that), and compensate by at least having high income...that would not put me nearly on an even footing with true alphas, but it would reduce the gap.
> 
> In the end, it means that if I'm in that mode where I'm seeking a relationship, I have to spend MUCH more time in social situations I might not otherwise do, in order to cross the paths of more women, and hopefully one will be willing to spend enough time with me to see my character.
> 
> My results have been weird. I go a long time between romantic relationships. But when a woman is willing to go out with me even twice - she's hooked enough that the relationship ends when I end it. I've not been dumped.
> 
> But I can't say as I'm all that good at having the "right" ones drawn to me.
> 
> My ex-wife actually told me she preferred redheaded men - a first for me. I took it as a compliment until I was smart enough to ask why and she said, "because they get misunderstood by the public and as a result, prefer never go to out and that's what I want, a couch potato". Well, I"m not that. Wish I'd been smart enough to ask that sooner. Too soon old, too late smart.
> 
> I'm rambling...hopefully there's enough usefulness in the ramble for others.
> 
> DD


I see plenty of overweight men with partners in the USA. Indeed, there is an idea that men in their forties are naturally chubby and that is just the way it is.

The other point made me chuckle though. I am a little over 5'10'. Reasonably tall in the USA, but short in Denmark. The attention I get in Denmark is from women half my age, or dominant women looking for a man to care for, or dominant women lhalf my age looking for a man to care. Were my ambitions to be a house husband for an assertive woman half my age, I would be married off by now!

In the USA, I had less of a niche.


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## Tomara

I met my guy on Match. His picture was not very good and didn’t say much in his profile. My thought was he is new to on line dating which to me meant he hadn’t been around the block 100 times. I contacted him, first date he was much better looking in person and held pretty good communication skills. It was a good gamble on my part and now engaged to him. He makes me smile most days.

Try to go outside your normal box, you might be surprised. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Betrayedone

Personal said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> Although I fit the dark and handsome criteria, at 5'3" I certainly will never be tall and plenty of my previous sexual partners including my wife earn more than I do. Yet I never lacked for attractive female suitors and great sex.
> 
> In my experience getting sex, girlfriends and even wives has always been pretty easy, to the point that I seldom even bothered to ask many out. Since there were always plenty of women, that kept asking me out on dates and or offering me sex.
> 
> If your mileage has varied from that, perhaps you've been doing it wrong.


Ah, yea, right........


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## Personal

Betrayedone said:


> Ah, yea, right........


Yep for some reason some women seem to be attracted to me.


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## Satya

Odo and I met on a dating site, and he had put a fake, ridiculous profile picture up of a fat, bearded road apple showing off his "6-pack" which had a tattoo of a pack of Duff beer. I am not kidding.

And I just found it on Google.... Lol. 










Hed reached out to me, only to give me a one liner complimenting my profile. I went onto his profile and read the most amusing, sarcastic BS ever. To this day, I wished I'd saved what he wrote on it. And at the time, I thought he was either a troll or a very, very smart man. The kind of man I could appreciate for his gutsiness and distain for the fakeness and vacuous nature of the internet. So, to be polite, I wrote back two words: "thank you." And that started what became a very wonderful pen pal relationship, I realized he was indeed a very smart man, we eventually met up for a "non-date," and the rest is history.


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## notmyrealname4

.


----------



## wild jade

@DustyDog

I find it interesting that you seem to think that women have it so easy because there is some guy out there that will appreciate them, but men have it more difficult because there aren't banks of women going after certain sorts of guys.

Just wanted to point out that there is huge variation in taste for both men and women. Sure some people will be more popular than others, but is the goal really just having numbers? I

That's the problem with OLD, IMHO. It gives the illusion that there just banks of people that we can simply choose from as though we were shopping at a big box store. But the reality of dating is very different. There may be a few people out there who are compatible ... but not banks.


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## Elizabeth001

wild jade said:


> @DustyDog
> 
> 
> 
> I find it interesting that you seem to think that women have it so easy because there is some guy out there that will appreciate them, but men have it more difficult because there aren't banks of women going after certain sorts of guys.
> 
> 
> 
> Just wanted to point out that there is huge variation in taste for both men and women. Sure some people will be more popular than others, but is the goal really just having numbers? I
> 
> 
> 
> That's the problem with OLD, IMHO. It gives the illusion that there just banks of people that we can simply choose from as though we were shopping at a big box store. But the reality of dating is very different. There may be a few people out there who are compatible ... but not banks.




Spot on. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Steve1000

bobsmith said:


> Probably come off conceded here but have at least a decent idea of my area I can attract. I tried a couple sites years ago and got tons of replies from women with 5 kids, or in general, just were not attractive to me at all.
> 
> Then I shot off a few messages to women I really figured I could get. Not one reply.


I had a healthy amount of confidence and success before I tried on-line dating. I was tall, athletic, had a good stable job, and owned my own nice house. In my case, this didn't translate to attracting dates on on-line sites. I wrote a sincere, descriptive profile and attached recent photos that showed I have several interests and that I took care of myself. Number of replies to my 30+ personalize messages? zero I did, like you, received a few messages from women who were either very strange or with young babies. 

After those six months, I did spend some time wondering what is wrong with me. Therefore, internet dating was also a very negative experience for me. Asking women out in person worked much better for me.


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## Steve1000

Tomara said:


> Try to go outside your normal box, you might be surprised.


Super good advice.


----------



## Satya

notmyrealname4 said:


> So, you would have actually considered getting to know him, believing that the picture of the "road apple" [], was him?
> 
> If so, you are an advanced person. I don't care how witty, smart etc. etc. someone is; if they resemble the guy in that picture, I mean, there's no way I could get physically aroused by him. [sorry, not sorry]


I knew it was a joke picture. Once you read his profile you'd realize he was sarcasm incarnate.

And thankfully, he does not resemble that picture at all. Though he does ride Harleys.


----------



## RandomDude

Steve1000 said:


> I had a healthy amount of confidence and success before I tried on-line dating. I was tall, athletic, had a good stable job, and owned my own nice house. In my case, this didn't translate to attracting dates on on-line sites. I wrote a sincere, descriptive profile and attached recent photos that showed I have several interests and that I took care of myself. Number of replies to my 30+ personalize messages? zero I did, like you, received a few messages from women who were either very strange or with young babies.
> 
> After those six months, I did spend some time wondering what is wrong with me. Therefore, internet dating was also a very negative experience for me. Asking women out in person worked much better for me.


Depends on the site I found, and the sites themselves if international - experiences can differ between regions. In my country match.com is all scam, but ******* has quite a bunch of active ladies etc etc.

Still, in-person is always best, and much more romantic and hence fun too!


----------



## Machjo

Firstly, we need to distinguish between a dating website (which often is just another name for a hook-up website) and a courtship website.


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## Married but Happy

Machjo said:


> Firstly, we need to distinguish between a dating website (which often is just another name for a hook-up website) and a courtship website.


How do you distinguish? Both - if there are such distinctions - can be used for either. It depends on who is using it, and for what purpose. Even sex-oriented sites sometimes lead to relationships and marriages, and marriage-oriented sites often lead to hook-ups. In either case, it may not be smart to limit your possibilities.


----------



## Machjo

Married but Happy said:


> How do you distinguish? Both - if there are such distinctions - can be used for either. It depends on who is using it, and for what purpose. Even sex-oriented sites sometimes lead to relationships and marriages, and marriage-oriented sites often lead to hook-ups. In either case, it may not be smart to limit your possibilities.


True, but I think it's safe to say that a dating-hookup site will tend to attract different people than a friendship/courtship/marriage site would.


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## Married but Happy

Machjo said:


> True, but I think it's safe to say that a dating-hookup site will tend to attract different people than a friendship/courtship/marriage site would.


Yes, you are right in terms of the majority of users, but there are no hard-line boundaries about what you may find on either "kind" of site. Some people look for more than one thing - they may sincerely want a relationship, but while looking may be fine with hook-ups until they do. Sometimes those hook-ups turn into relationships!


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## DustyDog

wild jade said:


> @DustyDog
> Just wanted to point out that there is huge variation in taste for both men and women. Sure some people will be more popular than others, but is the goal really just having numbers? .



There is value in having numbers.

Let's say in one's profession, one does not encounter people of the opposite gender. And that one's profession is one in which work is 60 hours a week. OK, there's a sizeable chunk of time in which one is not in a position to even be exposed to the opposite sex.

Then, let's say one isn't a doctor or lawyer, so income isn't all that high. This is now a person who has to spend more time maintaining home and vehicle than others, meaning less time available to do social events.

Then, what if one is in the 80% of people who find no real pleasure in the bar/club scene? This eliminates a HUGE part of the non-online dating scene.

Ultimately, you end up with a fixed number of hours per week, or month, or whatever, in which you are exposed, at all, to the opposite sex. If those hours are scant, and particularly if you're of an age (such as I am) at which only a small portion of the "right aged" people even bother going out to such events, then absolutely YES, it matters a lot whether 5% of the correct-aged women would find one interesting, or 30% of them. Such a difference could spell the difference between six months and three years of going without a date.

Yes, it makes a difference.


----------



## Diana7

DustyDog said:


> There is value in having numbers.
> 
> Let's say in one's profession, one does not encounter people of the opposite gender. And that one's profession is one in which work is 60 hours a week. OK, there's a sizeable chunk of time in which one is not in a position to even be exposed to the opposite sex.
> 
> Then, let's say one isn't a doctor or lawyer, so income isn't all that high. This is now a person who has to spend more time maintaining home and vehicle than others, meaning less time available to do social events.
> 
> Then, what if one is in the 80% of people who find no real pleasure in the bar/club scene? This eliminates a HUGE part of the non-online dating scene.
> 
> Ultimately, you end up with a fixed number of hours per week, or month, or whatever, in which you are exposed, at all, to the opposite sex. If those hours are scant, and particularly if you're of an age (such as I am) at which only a small portion of the "right aged" people even bother going out to such events, then absolutely YES, it matters a lot whether 5% of the correct-aged women would find one interesting, or 30% of them. Such a difference could spell the difference between six months and three years of going without a date.
> 
> Yes, it makes a difference.


You only need one, the right one. :smile2: When I was on Christian dating sites, there were very few men of my age. The women outnumbered them by 3 or 4 to one. I hardly had any men contact me, because there were so many women for them to chose from. I got to know several of the women there(they had a good forum) and it was the same for all of them. 
Of course men being men tended to try and contact younger women anyway, so that made it even harder and the numbers even more in the men's favour. 
However after 2 years I got my man, he had just joined a small Christian site and didn't even have a photo up.I had decided to go on that site also for their 10 days free trial before I stopped internet dating altogether. 
I had only dated 3 men in those 2 years for a short time. One I got on very well with but he wasn't ready for anything more than friendship as his marriage had only just ended. I was more than ready for more by then as it had been 5 years since my marriage had ended and was looking for a husband. 

4th time lucky. 

You really dont need to be on a massive international site with countless people.


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## Machjo

...


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## Diana7

Machjo said:


> True, but I think it's safe to say that a dating-hookup site will tend to attract different people than a friendship/courtship/marriage site would.


Absolutely and I think that many people know the ones that are basically just hook ups for sex and wouldn't look for a serious relationship or marriage there.


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## Diana7

Machjo said:


> Wouldn't most Christian sites operate internationally given how internationally widely the Christian Faith has spread?


There are international ones and there are ones just for you own country. I did try one or two international ones but there were far too many scammers and also I had 3 children and wasn't interested in an international relationship. Couldn't afford the travel and wasn't prepared to leave my country. 

As it happens my husband is Australian but he had been living here(UK) about 18 years by then.


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