# Stopped putting out to disinterested partner!



## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

My partner and I had amazing, frequent sex when we met five years ago. He now thinks the relationship is fine because we have sex once a week. He knows I'd like more, but he reckons it's his age. Does five and a half years really make that much of a difference to a man?

I suggest having fun, but he isn't enthusiastic. I have bought stuff to spice things up and when I suggest using things he says "maybe next time". He was up for experimentation at the beginning and definitely enjoyed it. 

We did have sex on Saturday, but I was up for a bit of adventure and he made excuses as per usual. This is all so depressing. He had the inclination when we first met, but now he doesn't. It makes wonder if he actually fancies me, likes me or wants to be in the relationship still.

So, I turned him down on Sunday morning when he was feeling horny and have slept on the sofa since then. Part of this has been down to the fact that I've felt like PMS devil woman, but I also want to give him a taste of his own medicine.

A quick bit of weekend morning sex won't cut it!


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Yeah the whole taste of their own medicine doesnt do sh!t to a LD person. Just makes you more and more pissed and moody. Ived tried it. All it accomplished is going nearly 2 weeks without sex and then finally getting what I consider "oh you're moody and I finally realized it because we havent had sex in i dont know how long, and no lets have some quick lets get this done so you are sated, when its really late as in too late for much more than quicky sex" sex.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Middle of Everything said:


> Yeah the whole taste of their own medicine doesnt do sh!t to a LD person. Just makes you more and more pissed and moody. Ived tried it. All it accomplished is going nearly 2 weeks without sex and then finally getting what I consider "oh you're moody and I finally realized it because we havent had sex in i dont know how long, and no lets have some quick lets get this done so you are sated, when its really late as in too late for much more than quicky sex" sex.



:iagree:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Well, he certainly wasn't LD when we got together. I can't help thinking that he would suddenly regain his libido if he were to meet someone else.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Have you had lots of talks about this already, and made it clear to him that you want more and better sex?

.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

I have spoken to him about it on numerous occasions and he says that everything is fine because we have sex at least once a week. 

It's his age, he's tired, teenage son in the house... He's very good at changing the subject. 

It's not that he's crap at sex, because we used to have great sex. He just doesn't seem interested in me. 

I'm going to pin him down later and ask him four questions

1, Does he still like me as a person?

2, Does he respect me?

3, Does he still find me sexually attractive and want to have a sexual relationship with me? 

4, If he still loves me. 

I feel quite rejected and angry.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Hmmm....I would recommend not asking those 4 questions, unless you are having trouble other than in the bedroom. Are you?

When I wanted more sex from my husband, he told me to be less whiny and more assertive.

Not sure if that would work for you but it is a thought.

.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Hmmm....I would recommend not asking those 4 questions, unless you are having trouble other than in the bedroom. Are you?
> 
> When I wanted more sex from my husband, he told me to be less whiny and more assertive.
> 
> ...


That's a good point. I do feel that there's tension between us and that he's p****d off and won't talk about it. The assertive thing has been tried on a number of occasions and it's a hit and miss affair.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wouldn't another sit down talk help things, as long as you tried to keep your disappointment held in check? Just an honest "I need more, how do I get it?" talk, where you don't let him squirrel around the subject?

I know that is not as easy as it sounds. But...another try?

.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I also agree that with holding sex when your LD spouse is actually in the mood doesn't do squat!!!

It's fine for the LD spouse to never take care of their other half's needs and only their own.

I am married to a loving, caring wifee who is LD. She's been that way since we got married. I have initiated so many times and got so many excuses, I finally gave up. Then when I show no interest in her, takes her 1+ months to clue in, and by then she wants sex, she gets upset and I'm supposed to have sex with her. 

It seems that its the LD spouses way or the highway, which is not taking care of their spouses needs, and selfish of them.

When the LD spouse finally clues in why their other half is moody and upset, its quick sex to just keep them in the relationship, which is quite sad.


Marital agreement should be as follows:

If LD spouse doesn't take care of their other half, then allow that spouse to get sex elsewhere.


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

Middle of Everything said:


> Yeah the whole taste of their own medicine doesnt do sh!t to a LD person. Just makes you more and more pissed and moody. Ived tried it. All it accomplished is going nearly 2 weeks without sex and then finally getting what I consider "oh you're moody and I finally realized it because we havent had sex in i dont know how long, and no lets have some quick lets get this done so you are sated, when its really late as in too late for much more than quicky sex" sex.


The taste of their own medicine wont work if its sex... HOWEVER. I gave her a huge dose in regards to her needs.... I stopped the back/foot massages... trips to our local wine bar, even hugs, all stopped. She said after several weeks (2 or 3) she missed the attention I gave her. I told her, we both have needs, and since mine are being ignored, I am feeling slighted. Empty. my analogy: I keep her water bottled filled, but who is filling mine? I told her so much temptation around to "fill my own water bottle". I dont want anyone else to fill it... you are my wife... anybody can rub your feet... or go to the bar w/you. what are my options? I have but one person that can do this... and that one person is not providing me with what I need. message was received LOUD and clear.... its been 2 years, and sex is 2 to 4 times a week. Our relationship has never been better. her words one night after restarting intimacy, "I'm sorry. I did not see sex as a need for you." she has also said how she see's how important it is to her now.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Accipiter...great story! Did you share that on the "success stories of LD" thread?

.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> Well, he certainly wasn't LD when we got together. I can't help thinking that he would suddenly regain his libido if he were to meet someone else.


Yes I do think the term LD is probably overused somewhat. More likely complacency, boredom, etc. There's a reason they call it the seven-year itch (although obviously can also be a little less than seven!).

That does not make it your fault. However I think it helps to find out the true reason he's changed towards YOU, and not assume his sex drive has just lowered overall.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

*Faithful Wife* You are clearly a very sensible lady. I think a frank discussion is in order. I left it last night as I was feeling emotional. It's easy to just blurt out stuff you wish you hadn't said when you're in that frame of mind. 

*CuddleBug* Did you find a solution?

*Accipiter777* Wow, you did well there! I'm really happy for you and you need to share that with all the guys here who are having similar issues. You're a success story. :smthumbup:

*4thand11* Considering how much sex we used to have, he is not LD. We used to have a fantastic sex life. It isn't his age. I call bull****. I just don't excite him. 

I am going to sit him down and talk to him today, now that I'm in a more reasonable frame of mind. I'm going to be honest, but not accusing and stay away from the disappointment route as Faithful Wife suggested. 

I can't be in a relationship without sex. If he doesn't have those kinds of feelings for me, he needs to be honest about it. It's not fair on either of us and I deserve a person who actually wants to get sexual with me. 

The way I see it, is that partners have sex, it's a huge part of a relationship. If you don't have sex, you're just friends.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

You stated you have talked to him about it on numerous occasions. If it were me, I would let this be the last time you talk about it. Its action time, and time to decide what you will and will not tolerate in your relationship. 

Sometimes talking works, BUT you have talked to him many times before, he does know how you feel, so either he just doesn't get it, or he just doesn't care. Just my 2 cents.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

WellyVamp said:


> I can't be in a relationship without sex. If he doesn't have those kinds of feelings for me, he needs to be honest about it. It's not fair on either of us and I deserve a person who actually wants to get sexual with me.
> 
> The way I see it, is that partners have sex, it's a huge part of a relationship. If you don't have sex, you're just friends.


Hi hon, this is the logical extension of what you started earlier with the thread on working out and getting into shape - the fact he isn't acknowledging or appreciating it. 

His actions are already speaking loudly enough. You want to have a frank discussion about it because there's that innate human need to know. I don't think you are going to get what you want out of him verbally. You have to lay down your plan: he isn't participating. You need it. If he doesn't feel like stepping up to the plate, then other men are going to get their shot. 

It's that simple.


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