# Advice please!!



## Alicat67 (Feb 21, 2017)

Hi All,

My husband started an affair five years ago I found out four years ago and he left our eleven year relationship, which for best part was good, very good. We had been married four years at his time of leaving. After we discovered he wasn't able to have children things went pear shaped. He started the affair with a girl 15 years his junior, he is 48. He left and moved in with her, I was heartbroken beyond belief, I had to sell my house and he was gone. He never gave me any hope and he never spoke to me about any of it ever, all he did was cry because he felt so guilty. It was devastating!

We are still not divorced and he'd never asked me for one. I got on with my life eventually, I've dated quite a few guys, nothing has ever come of it. So, it was my birthday at the weekend, Saturday. I was just getting into bed late on Friday and two minutes past midnight I receive a text from him wising me a happy birthday. I thanked him and expected to hear no more as he never interacted with me apart from each year wishing me a good birthday. 

So we have been having these very brief messages going back and forth and I was silly yesterday, although it was done in a jokey way, I said to him that It was crazy, but I did miss him still. He came back and said he did me too. I was shocked!! I then said to him that some people in life were irreplaceable and he said he totally agrees with that! Again, I am shocked. 

I kinda felt something wasn't right, so I text his sister whom I've not spoken with for a good while. It has come to light that the girl friend dumped him way before Christmas and he was heartbroken. Well, they say karma is a wonderful thing and what goes around comes around and by god it has! 

Now my head is spinning is he making a play for me? I'm confused and I just wanted to hear peoples thoughts. I do still love him, I will admit that, but I suffered incredible pain. I am over that and a much stronger person and better person. I'm not a fool, but I'm worried and can't stop thinking about this. All opinions welcome, they would be appreciated on how I should be handling this situation?


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Don't go back. If he had left her maybe there might be a glimmer that this rekindling love was genuine. But she dumped him. You are just a convenience to him and not an object of love. How long until the next young piece of meat catches his ravenous eyes?

If you think he is irreplaceable and you are still in love with him then it sounds like you have made your decision. Have you?


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

He's looking for a rebound. Typical rebound pick - the ex. You're better than that.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Who cares?

He left. Let him stay gone.

He's only sniffing around because he got dumped, and best case is he's using you as a salve to heal his wounded ego.

Ghost his ass, get the divorce, and move on w/ your life.

ETA: Since it's been a while since you've lived together, it might be all the easier for you to obtain a divorce. Don't mess that up by inviting him back into your home, your bed, or (more importantly) your heart.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

This is not a nice guy, AND, you have become plan B.
NOPE!!! Ask for your divorce and find a nice guy.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Alicat67 said:


> All opinions welcome, they would be appreciated on how I should be handling this situation?


It's easy to become your own worst enemy. If you get involved with him again now, it is a rebound relationship for him to help him get over losing a lady he loves. Eventually, you would keep remembering that you are a back-up plan. You've made a lot of progress in recovery since you were devastated. Don't throw that away over pursuing a return to something that never really existed.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You're Plan B since Plan A didn't work out for him.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Alica,

He dumped you for another woman now it's likely the OW dumped him for another man.

He needs to stay dumped.

If you did restore stability to his life again, it would only be a matter of time before he finds another OW.

I suppose you could put a monitor bracelet on his ankle and a body cam so that you could trust him again.

Tamat


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> You're better than that.


A thousand likes...


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## GhostSnow (Jul 16, 2014)

Do not let him walk back into your life, he decided to leave for years without caring about how you might feel so let karma have its best of him and get a divorce then a fresh start without a better person


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He may have not filed because he always had in the back of mind that he could come home again if things didn't work out with his girlfriend (wherever home is for you now). 

Don't wait any longer to make it official -- go ahead and file. Until you do, you're still married to him and that's not a good thing for you (might be a good thing for him -- until he finds a new girlfriend).


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Only he did replace you. 

Oh, here's one thing you should do. Block his number. 

He has kept you on the back burner.

Get off that back burner and get cookin'!

But not with him.


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## GhostSnow (Jul 16, 2014)

Alicat67 said:


> He started the affair with a girl 15 years his junior, he is 48.


You should have sued him back then for cheating and paedophilia


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## Want2Understand (Feb 21, 2017)

Enjoy that he got what he gave. Maybe this will be your closure to divorce and move on. Do not go back. You are not 2nd place ever!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GhostSnow said:


> You should have sued him back then for cheating and paedophilia


You can't sue people for either of those. 

Especially if he would not have been a paedophile.


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## stewart66 (Jan 30, 2017)

Ask yourself this: how happy are you now vs when you were together, and keep in mind the pain he caused you. Of course you miss him, you spent a significant amount of your life with him. To not miss someone in that circumstance would just be strange. 

If you are happy now, then stay happy. If you long to recapture the old days with him, just keep in mind that he may just break your heart again. If that is worth it to you, then go for it.

My advice: revel in the fact that things have come full circle and he now realizes that he lost something good in you. In the end, you won. Use that to build your confidence and find someone who loves you wholeheartedly.


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