# Left by husband



## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

I have been with the same man for 7 years... we decided it was time for marriage..well not even 7 months into our marriage he decided he was done and walked out.... drove 14 hrs to his job where he has been living for almost 2 years....I am devestated embarrased confused I feel used and pathetic...I have used all my credit cards and credit limit to help him buy a logging truck rigging ect...we did buy some house hold goods on credit...I am now left with four children at home a considerable amount of debt no job at the moment and no money...Rent and all the other bills are due and I am at a lose...he has children from his first marriage and he has yet to contact them and tell them. They keep asking me if everything is ok. no its not but I feel it is his right to tell them not me. I cry day in and day out wondering what I did to deserve him walking out on me wondering if he will change his mind and say he made a mistake and wants to try ...I am unable to eat either..which is ok cause there are not alot of foods I can tolerate  So I drink water all the time...I have called and texted him but he just wont answer me at all....I feel so pathetic...I dont know how to let him go and I dont know how to not call or text him...I am so sad and lonely...


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Stop texting him. You are only making yourself miserable.

Determine how long you feel is appropriate and if he doesn't call his other children, feel free to explain the next time they call. Don't go out of your way, but if they keep calling you it means he is not talking to them and they are just as concerned. It sounds like he walked out on two families.

I'm sorry about that.

But do what you need to do in order to take back the control of your emotions he has wrecked havoc on. Good luck and keep posting here. These guys are a world of support.


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## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Take lots of deep breaths, every time you feel the panic creeping in. Try to eat, whatever interests you, because you'll need your strength. Reach out to as many people as you can, and figure out who your support pillars can be. 

Also anything you can do to take your mind off this - I know it sounds crazy, but your mind needs a break. You can come back to all the questions he has left you with (trust me, they'll still be there). You will get through this, but it will be hard. I'm still in the middle of a similar mess. 

Is there somewhere you can go to be taken care of for a bit, or someone who can come to help you out?


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

Get whatever help you can, don't go alone at this. Your most important bills right now are going to be your food for your kids first, then your utilities. Not knowing where you are from, hard to judge what help might be available for you in terms of getting you through this, there are government agencies that might be able to help you get back on your feet. Communicate about this with good people whenever you can, and keep coming here, believe me, it helps.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Thank you all who replied to my post...It helps alot...I have to be strong for my children. I have friends and family but they have families of there own to take care of. My parents have offered for me to move into their basement but with us 5 plus my parents and my grandma I think space would be really tight. Unfortunately I will be forced into bankruptcy, which is really embarassing for me, as the amount of debt is so great. Making minimum payments will take me at least 20 years to pay off  Then paying rent, utilities, insurance, groceries school ect..I am not lazy and will be getting a job ASAP.. I have had many surgeries in the past year and am left feeling tired after cleaning the house  I worked hard my whole life and built my credit on my own and now its devastating as well as embarrasing and I am also furious, thinking I did something wrong. I know I am probably rambling but it helps knowing that there is people out there that listen/read and are going through or have been through this. Thank you one and all..


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

I'm left with a few decisions that are somewhat like yours but thankfully I'm the spouse with the good job. Even so if I allowed things to go like they have been the last couple years I'd be having to file for bankruptcy even with the job.

My mother is a bit of a hoarder, so even though I've got the same offer on the table for living in the basement, I have to try and decide what I want to do. You also have decisions like this to make. Two bunk beds will get you a long ways even if you have to stay in the basement. Your grandmother might even be a help rather than a burden if she can help watch the kids while you work. 

The most important thing to remember is that you have options... I am sorry that you are going through this, you sound like a good person, you said he has children from his first marriage, are they with you as part of the four kids?


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

PO12345 Thank you,

The 4 children are mine and he had 5 from his previous marriage. He is 8 years older than me so his children are grown and on their own now except the youngest one who is 18 and lives with her mom, but I have watched them grow the last 8 years into wonderful adults. Regardless we were a family and I loved them as my own. I am going to try with everything in me not to text him or call. It wont be easy after constant comunication the last 8 years.. My heart starts racing when I think about never seeing him or being with him..something I guess I will slowly come to accept. My blood pressure should be high lol but its very low and heart rate high go figure.. Thanks once again for reading and repying all of you


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

I was up most of the night thinking about things. One conclusion or horrible thought I have come up with is he used me and my credit the last 7 1/2 years to get himself into a logging truck rigging ect.. Let me explain...well apparently he had 2 previous bankruptcy which I only knew about one so he had no credit nothing. So needless to say all my credit was used up. I was stupid I guess. He works hard and 1 1/2 yrs ago he took a job 12 hrs away from home. He has an apartment and shop up there that he shares with others. He can walk away from all the debt as it is in my name not his and keep his truck ect. I dont want to believe that he would do something like this but  It is getting close to the end of the month and with him not talking to me I am left wondering is he going to get the money to me like he said or am I going to have to basically beg or borrow monwy from my parents. I feel so stupid and like I am one big scew-up. I love him with all my heart but he has chosen to leave. My children and myself will be left without a home at the end of the month if he doesnt contact me. well time to get my children up for school...take care all and hope to hear from you soon..thank you


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Did you drive up all that debt in the 7 months you were married or throughout your 7 years together?

You aren't stupid. Its normal to trust the person you love and have been with for so long. He left you in a bad situation so of course you feel scared and upset. You are not a screw up. Sounds like he is the stupid screw up. A real man doesn't abandon his wife and children and leave them out to dry or run up their credit.

Try and not think such negative things about yourself as they are not true. You are just upset and a little frightened. You need to try and be positive no matter how hard that is and work on moving forward without him..

I'm truly sorry you find yourself in this situation. Please keep coming here to this site. There are a lot of good people here with similar experiences who can help. Plus its a great place to let out some steam and get things off your chest.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

The debt was over the 7 years, but most in the last 2 years as he and his friend decided he needed to buy his own truck. So me not wanting that as we were already in debt did it not to cause a fight. I just found out that he has a driver he hired up there that has been working for him. News to me, and he is getting a service truck going and working for straight cash..He still hasnt called or texted and he said he would. I am so torn between being furious with him and what he has done to defending him and wanting him back. Its wrong I know but i cant shut off my emotions for the last 7 plus years. When I said my vows I meant them..better or worse..sickness and in health richer or poorer...I have horrific nightmares that he has passed away before I get to see him again and that makes my heart ache tremendously. I dont want to be so negative but I am hurt and angry and so so scared of what is to happen to my children and myself. My friends say I am a strong person yet I feel so weak and venerable..let down ...i have panic attacks I guess my heart is racing so bad and I am unable to breath....I pray everyday and night for God to show me where I am supposed to be and go


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Concentrate on yourself. Not him.

You will know what to do.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Well he called and it was not very nice. He said I neglegted him and put my children before him. He basically said it was all my fault that I never showed or told him how much I loved him ever. He says he loves me still but doesnt like me and is pissed with me and pissed with my children. I said maybe in time we could work this out he said I dont know I am pissed and I will be for a F*****g long time to come. I said I would give him time and he started yelling at me I AM TAKING ALL THE F-ING TIME IN THE WORLD AS LONG AS i WANT. So basically he loves me but doesnt like me doesnt want me around him doesnt want me to move up there with him and doesnt really want my children around. He said I hope the next guy you meet (cause you have a lot to offer) doesnt get let down by you. thanks...I gave 8 years to him and our lives together.. Stayed at home to raise the children and I was wrong in doing that.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

When I met him he had 4 of his 5 children living with him. All four of mine live with me. We dated but never really with out the children. We were either at my home or his place. After about 4 months of dating his oldest moved out, another one didnt like living with him and moved in with their mom. So then there was 2... Well I never really wanted to live with anyone again for awhile. It took him about a year to convince me, but it was short lived as I really wasnt ready. After that he was there all the time, but we kept seperate addresses. To this day he still has a seperate address on his license..He was very upset that I never changed my last name right away and basically made me feel like dirt..we misplaced the marriage certificate and it took me awhile to get a new one. My mistake my fault.. just one more thing I did wrong. He said he wouldnt leave me high and dry like my other ex did but thats exactly what he did...emotionally... he says he has no choice but to send his cheque to me until he can get to a bank up there and start a new account. He told me dont screw him over and leave him with no money.. After all this time together he thinks that of me. I was a waste of his time for the last 8 years of his life.. hmmm not hurtful at all....I may be repeating myself but I am trying to write down how I feel...


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

If he doesn't pay those bills he racked up he is leaving you high and dry. 

You need to hire a lawyer ASAP.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

If he doesn't pay those bills he racked up he is leaving you high and dry. 

You need to hire a lawyer ASAP.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

If he doesn't pay those bills he racked up he is leaving you high and dry. 

You need to hire a lawyer ASAP.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

A lawyer would be good, but unfortunately with all my credit cards basically maxed that is not a possibility..:-( I belive where we live you can do a seperation agreement and have to wait a year before a divorce will be granted. The only way that is faster is if he admitted to an affair. I was a stay at home mom as he said "no wife of mine will have to work,I will work 2 jobs if I have to" so believing him I havent worked for 2 plus years. I ran a convienience store and I was an apartment manager as well. So I do have skills and I did go back to school but after meeting him he really didnt want me to pursue it. My mistake..I now have to find a job or see if I can be funded to go back to school...kinda embarrassing...oh well life...


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Bottom line: you can't rely on this immature fool and will never be able to. I know it's difficult at the moment and you're torn between loving him and thinking :wtf: but trust me, give it a bit of time and you'll thank god he's out of your life. He does not sound like too much of a catch

You need to find some work and find a lawyer - even to do a free first consultation. There will be help out there, you need to find it. We've all been there and trusted the person we loved only to have it thrown back in our faces. Ultimately, when it comes down to it, you're on your own....

God your one makes me sick - what a complete arsehole!


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

I am sick over this whole thing too....If there were no children involved I might be a bit better at dealing with this all...There are 9 all together and five grandchildren and 3 more on the way..I was there for each of their births and have been grandma to them...I am 8 yrs younger than him so being a grandma at a young age was cool...my children still have at least 8-10 yrs before they will even think of getting married or having children...A step-mom to them as well..to most...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It seems that he has left you with no choice. You probably have to move into your mom's. You can get public assitance for a while. Find a job, file bankruptcy and get a divorce.

He's a cad to put it mildly. And now he's blaming you? He takes off with the equiptment you paid for and he is blaming you? Is any of that equiptment registered in your name? 

any of it that was purchased after marriage is probably 50% yours. Anything before marriage, if bought with your credit is 100% yours. You can force it to be sold and take the money. Just a thought that an attorney can help you with.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Yeah no...its all in his name..the truck rigging ect...I can say I paid for it but...I went to bank and got a bank draft from my line of credit...debt 100 % my name...unfortunately I am not the only one he owes money to..my parents his dad and the place he got his rigging from...he lives 12 hrs away and is very had to get ahold of.....I feel bad about saying anything against him yet at the same time it is a relief to get it out and vent and see and hear the feedback and to know I am not alone and others have gone through this and understand..I am still sad and lonely but like you have all said I will look back and be thankful he is out of my life...one day at a time....a friend has always said this too shall pass.... this is going to sound very wrong but its at a time like this I really wished i smoked or drank...I do neither and dont plan on it....:slap: I couldnt imagine smoking and drinking to forget my problems.....personal choice not an attack on those that do....man that sounds bad...sorry if it comes off sounding wrong...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So what are your plans now? It seems that you don't have all that much time to figure out what you are going to do now.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

I honestly dont know what I am going to do. I have looked at all the rental places available in my price range..(lol no money ) and the only ones I can come up with are down in a very bad part of town. I wouldnt feel safe there at all. I dont want to believe it but I think he has someone else up there. Unfortunatly our bank accounts are linked and I see purchases he makes. I have to make sure there is money in the account for my one childs ortho payment to come out. I dont want to believe that he is cheating but in the past before me he did on his ex-wife and other girlfriends. So I have to question how long this has been going on and was I so stupid not to see it. Well he does live up there without me and he says he is lonely all the time..Ideal hands...hmmm it makes my heart race thinking of him with someone else and I am heartbroken all over again.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Any debt incurred while married is marital debt and equally shared-credit cards as I know it depending on the circumstances-and the judge can be a sticking point.
In this case if I were you I would take the hardline and file for divorce or legal seperation if you want to give this time, and file a motion for emergency relief-I don't see another alternative in this case,its probably the only way you can save yourself from financial destruction and make him pay the bills.
The flip side is it will cut to the chase and make him take inventory of your relationship and that you mean business. Keep posting.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

I have spoken to the bank and since the credit line and credit cards are in my name and some of the payments come out of my account automatically it is my debt. The truck he now has free and clear up there. He must be very smart and me very stupid as he said we would just put the truck into his name and change it later to both of us. For insurance purposes...He is now making a crap load of money up there and spending it like water. For some reason he thinks he is rich.. My children are so mad at him (understandable) yet they take it out on me. He sent his children a message telling them he would explain things later... but didnt say what he had to explain. Grrr I am the one who has to face everyone here while he hides away up there....I cant believe I was that dumb over the years...maybe I was blinded by love that was never really there...saw me coming a mile away..sucker...


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I can tell you this what the banks think and what the courts think are two seperate things.Just because the banks are letting him off at this point doesn't mean the court can rule differently-and make him pay for things had it happen in my case.Marriage is a legal contract he has still has legal contract with you.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

In the state of Minnesota doesn't matter whos name something is in,if it was incurred during the marriage it is marital-that pickup etc. should be half yours-don't sell yourself short.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Logging truck n rigging...he says he makes 1200.00-1500.00 a day after fuel plus he hired a driver and he will be working on trucks ect in shop and making 100.00-125.00 per hr...the logging truck was bought with my line of credit....he plans on giving that one n the rigging back to the company he is leasing the rigging off of n walking away...which means I have no claim on the new ones... n buying a couple newer ones....so I am unsure of spousal n child support...we kept seperate addresses til almost a year before we were married....he supported me n my children the last 7 1/2 years....waiting to find a free lawyer to consult with....


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Go to your county court house and see what resources are available to you.Here they have a program for a persons of limited resources that is done by attorneys for free. Have any friends that are aquainted attorneys? Have access to a legal library ? I found even though I had an attorney that one of my greatest resources was me. I dove into Minnesota divorce law and found out my attorney wasn't telling me everything,I would have never had the outcome I had if I wouldn't have put in so much effort.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

This is actually embarassing..Its not the first time I have gone through this. My childrens dad walked out on me and them and came back for his hockey equipment. Went through 2 lawyers and I tried so hard to be fair..50-50..so I have dealt with lawyers before and unfortunately unless you have at least 20,000.00 up front they wont persue half the things...1 week trial and he didnt have his own lawyer....hmmmm anyways I am extremly embarrassed that after almost 8 years I am going to have to go through it again...I believed in my heart I was doing right by my children  Many people have told me now that they never liked him and I have poor choice in men... wow not what I wanted to hear but...I will have to wait until Monday to contact a lawyer..unfortunately I do not know any lawyers or any one who does.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I guess all I can say is try to do as much as you can without an attorney.Attorneys are such blood suckers. I had an attorney on a flat fee funny how bad my attorney wanted to get things over with and hers was so content to just drag things on.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Been on the phone most of the morning changing my address and trying to cancel utilities. Not alot that can be done on the weekend though. I managed to cancel home/internet and they wanted to know where they were setting up the phone again. I had to explain that I wont have any place to live as of March 31.. so little embarrassing for me. I cant understand what I did but its his choice..I had no say in it at all. I havent texted or called him since the day he called and told me not to...it is the hardest thing to do. one day at a time is all i can do...


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Take it anyway you can.Day by day- hour by hour-situation by situation.This sucks I feel for you.The no contact is really the way to go -makes it look like your not needy.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

He called me today to let me know that the payday was wrong and it wouldnt be until the 28 and that the other pay cheque would be deposited by tomorrow. Then he started yelling at me that he has no idea how to get into the bank accounts or how to do payments online or his permits or anything.. I said well thats what u had me for. Now he is asking for all the access codes ect.. He doesnt want me accessing the account anymore. well excuse me. Basically from the time I met him he put my name on all his accounts and asked to pay bills ect for him..Now its my fault he did that...yeah...he couldnt talk civil to me just basically yelled and swore cause the phone was cutting in and out....bad reception for him......I was doing a bit better until he called....then the emotions came back... I tried so hard not to argue or say anything wrong...I was doing ok then I had to say I love you and he pretended he couldnt hear and asked me to repeat it... I did and he said bye for now....How can someone turn off their emotions overnight?


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Maybe its me but I think I would have a different perspective on things if this was a mutual separation not the no clue and he walks out and says he is done... wow....now he wants me to have no access to our accounts no contact unless he wants to talk....pretty harsh...


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

take everything out of the accounts and put it into one in your name only if he wants to play games.

I would go up there with a couple guys and go get that truck and equipment you paid for! like repo man.

you should be eligible for free legal aid too.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I have said this before on the forum and I will say it again.Your husband made up his mind some time ago that d-day was coming if there was love there he has already grieved about it hence his indifference now.
This guy is now being just a self centered jerk -do not cave into his demands-you are not a puppet,your a human being with feelings.I know its tough to have a different mindset I woke up one day and my wife became another person and basically tried to destroy me.I knew I had to quickly put on my war face and start fighting or I was going to be a goner.
You have to do whatever is in your best interest from here on out don't worry about him-he is not worrying about you.By telling him you love him your feeding the monster and losing your self esteem in the process -don't let him take it.I'm not an advocate of divorce at all but when one partner walks out on the other the marriage vows are broken and its war.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

You need to be careful about how you handle these accounts permits etc.You don't want to put him in a position where he can't work.You have got to remember that their is going to be an audience sooner or later the way things are going and its going to be a judge.You want to do things that are reasonable given the circumstances and will strike the judge as being reasonable.My ex got all vindicative and the judge slammed her.If their is money in these accounts pay off the credit card bills-the interest is killing you right?Play things to your benefit, but keep it reasonable.


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## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

purelife, i feel for you! i'm at the point where "it's war," as gulfwarvet says...i hope we stay out of the courts but when one person walks out it's true, you have to protect YOU. then you can be in the best position, given the crappy situation (to say the least!) to protect your kids. lots of strength to you!


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## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

@gulfwarvet or anyone else who cares to answer - perhaps it is uanswerable - how do they grieve for the lost love, when they're planning to leave you, while still living with you and sleeping with you. the grief i feel in NO WAY could be hidden from my intimate partner, or the grocery store clerk on some days.

it would have been nice, a little redeeming perhaps, to have them act sad and express that they feel guilty, even if they're still going to leave.


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> He takes off with the equiptment you paid for and he is blaming you? Is any of that equiptment registered in your name?
> 
> any of it that was purchased after marriage is probably 50% yours. Anything before marriage, if bought with your credit is 100% yours. You can force it to be sold and take the money. Just a thought that an attorney can help you with.


:iagree:


OP, you need to hire an attorney or get legal help somewhere. Even if you can not afford it.


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

gulfwarvet said:


> I guess all I can say is try to do as much as you can without an attorney.Attorneys are such blood suckers. I had an attorney on a flat fee funny how bad my attorney wanted to get things over with and hers was so content to just drag things on.


:iagree:

She needs to ask; friends , neighbors ,family or co-workers for recommendations on finding an good attorney that is honest. 

I agree there are blood-suckers out there nevertheless she needs one anyway, so avoid the bad ones


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

I am not a vendictive person at all.. My 1st ex said all these horrible things about me in court and the judge basically said if she was that bad why in Gods name would you leave the children in her care? Well i would never clean out his accounts as his payments for insurance, jeep and pole trailer all come out and if I did that he would be unable to work as well as one of my childrens ortho payments. I only want what is right. Fair I found out doesnt exsist in the court system..Just what is the best interest of the children spousal if warrented, divisions of assets. Let me put it this way one credit card we have been paying on for 6 years....maybe 2000.00 down...yeah interst sucks. I have had this card since 2002 so way before I met him and the other one just as long.. I may not have worked for a couple of years but when I did I paid bills then food then things for the children then myself. I was not in any debt when I met him..All credit cards were free and clear same as line of credit...my own fault for trusting and believing..I know this will get better in time. I know I wont be dating or anything for quite awhile and when I do I still believe in my heart there are good men out there, who treat women with love and respect... the ones who are on here helping me and telling me what they went through or are going through thank you. Thank you to all the women too who are so much stronger than me right now..I know there is hope..these will be one of the darkest days, weeks months..but there is brighter one to look forward too.


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

Put a lien on his business or logging truck possibly? You are entiteled to half of his possesions (which you bought). Plus if he divorces you, he may have to pay you for half of what the business is worth.

Dont know if any of this will work, just some thoughts off the top of my head.

Hope things work out for you.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Well its another day..My thoughts are swirling around in my head. Over thinking everything again. Still hear his words coming back to me.."yes I love You , you are my wife, but I dont like you, I am pissed with you and I dont want any contact with you, dont call me text me dont move up here dont drive up here.." "I am taking all the F*%&ing time I want" "I dont know if I should send the cheques..Dont screw me over and leave me with no money up here" more nasty words but ones that are repeated over and over again. He sent me a Valentines Day card that was so heartfelt..then nothing..the last beautiful text brings me to tears whenever I read it.. I want to be strong and move on then the panic sets in again. I have no choice no say nothing, he made the decisions. Its always been his way or the highway. So basically as long as I said yes and did eveything he wanted and told me to it was fine, when I questioned or hesitated it was a fight and I always ended up giving in. I guess I was so in love with the thought of having a husband that I never really cared..Two men who claimed they loved me put me down, one never complimented me at all and the other one did but I had a hard time believing him..I tried to explain that my 1st x never did and brought me down he said" wahh boo-hoo get the F*&% over it" He said "I must have been the most blinded man".."You say you are fat..you say you are ugly you say you are not sexy..ect" He said you must be some 400 lb c*%t and I was too stupid to see. I am not like that. I am 5'4 and am of slender build. After 4 children I do not the stretch marks but I know they are why my children are here. So I dont think I am beautiful or turn heads but he said "look at that guy he is staring and that one." I was wrong in every aspect. Oh well..this too shall pass.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Well he has rented a PO Box up there now. God I am one stupid person.. believing him...trusting him...thinking he was trying to make a better life up there for us as a family. It was about him...and him alone


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Wow, can this day get any worse? Our marriage certificate showed up in the mail...what a slap in the face that was. I honestly forgot I ordered a new one with everything going on...and of course the waterworks started again and again...man I was being so good too...he texted 2 times and I never answered...


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Lucy, I will tell you what I did -I didn't grieve much I put everything I had into my case ,my kids, and basically fighting her .I reasoned if I'm going to cry, grieve or whatever I will do it later.
Well I got to see the exes true colors and as I suspected it was all about the money she wanted me in the streets.She was very cruel.
After it was done I came to the conclusion that I really didn't have anything to grieve about as far as she goes.But what I wouldn't give to have the family that I guess everyone dreams of....


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Pure Life don't be so hard on yourself.Their is no way you could have known this guys true intentions.-There is no reason to be embarassed about this situation of this being the second time around.Plenty of people here have been married twice and have had similiar predicaments.When i was in the Marines I had a Gunnery Sargeant who had been married 6 times and was single at the time I met him.Do what you have to do in the meantime for self preservation and grieve if you have to but don't let that son of a b!!!! have another piece of you.Stay Strong!!


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Well purelife...welcome to the world of 'being screwed over'...
crap happens...it sucks...it's painful...it's financially devastating and it's 'embarrassing' and depressing and we all get into an emotional uproar and have our woes me and waterworks...and all the other bad crapola that goes with it. 

Sucks doesn't it? ....so....here we are....and you have four kids. So you have 'no choice' but to get it together and figure out what to do right? Take back control where you can. First off...stop feeling sorry for yourself and feeling embarrassed for your situation. You didn't cause it...you loved him...and you trusted him...he turned out to be a thieving dooshbag. Now you need to pick up where you left off...you for sure can run an apt. complex...and there was something else I can't remember you said you did...ran a store correct? You have skilz...good. Def look for work. If you have to live with your mom for awhile...so what. Do it. 

I will tell you this...you MUST find an atty. asap. You have rights here financially and he will be in for a world of surprise...You need that atty. 'now'. An atty is going to see that your stbxh runs a business that makes money...he will see to it his debt is paid I'm sure. You just have to find that atty that will be willing to give you a bit of a start here. And do find out about legal aid etc...programs in your area...you need to be on the phone about this stuff yesterday. 
If you can stop communicating altogether with this guy. He doesn't need to know what your up too...start living your life with you and your kids in mind and for craps sakes woman stop caring about what he's up too and 'his bills'...screw him...he's an abandoning dooshbag. You need to get your self esteem back and get your wits about you and it doesn't help you when you communicate with him. I have no doubt he's with someone else since you said he has a history of cheating anyway. 

He's no good for you and he's not a family man. Period. So yea...you made a couple of wrong choices in your life...so have I. Let's not care about what others think and lets just learn from here huh? We can't change our past...but we don't need to punish ourselves for our choices either...that's dumb. ...And if you have friends or family members that are not supportive of your decisions in this ...screw them too...your making changes 'today'...and that's what counts...you and your 4 kids. 4 kids! Wow...and you took care of his 5 also?! YOU are a loving mother...and you sounded like a wonderful loving supportive wife...your a good woman purelife...anyone who can take care of 9 kids...grand kids...etc...wow...you ran a friggin daycare with that one...I commend you for that!!! God gave you a very special heart. I couldn't do it... kids give me hives...lol! (my daughter is 27...my son 21)  My stbx had three kids (twins boy/girl 10yrs old..and son 13 yrs)...I went nuts...(just being honest)...just not cut out...


Anyway girl...take back your life. Take back control. Get legal help...find out your rights and assert them. Don't be hastey on bankruptcy just yet...this doosh might be having to cut you a check from his company and you might be able to pay off or catch up on a lot of your bills...again...you need an atty. 
Don't be too proud to go to food shelves for help...they've helped me in the past...anything and all resources need to be used here...so use them. Get busy...get motivated...and stay motivated. These kids need to see that 'you' are going to pull it together...

Now that's not going to say your not going to be sad..or miss him...I miss my dooshbag too...but I remember how he treated me...used me (financially as well by the way) and then walked out...and let's not forget how these guys talk to us... you like being talked down to like that when you communicate with him? huh? No? ....So don't let him...!!! He left you. He fired you from being his wife...etc... You have zero obligation in any way shape or form to listen to his crap! Don't answer...hang up...don't respond... 

Take back your life... own it. Resources...lawyer...job...housing...food...etc etc...

you have much more to do than listen to him blameshift on you for the 'whys' of he leaving...he left because he's a coward who used you...and maybe he has someone else...I don't know...but it doesn't matter...he's gone...you have a family to take care of...he abandoned you and you need to take control of the situation from every possible corner because the only one you have to rely on right now is 'you'...

Don't let 'him' or anyone else define you ...no one else can tell you you can't do something...that's when you turn shxt around and own it...make it yours...take control...and begin a life of your own. 

When you hurt...or need to vent...come here...but in real life...you need to pick your self up...brush yourself off...and move on...

You and I will find a decent guy...later. For now...we take care of ourselves...and our family...


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

I guess it will get better but he called this morning...started off by saying the cheque should be deposited ect...calm..then he started yelling at me. Asking me why the hell I did that to him? Me: I had no idea what I did..Turns out I contacted the place for RRSP and his life insurance and asked them to take his out of his business instead of my personal account..Talked about it many times...Apparently they called and told him he needed to get a bank account right away or payments would be stopped.. All I told them take it out of his business not personal. I brought a Pre authorized form signed ect...and they said I didnt. So all I tried to do was make sure his life insurance and RRPS were not affected..and I was wrong..about 20 mins of me trying to explain but didnt matter I was wrong like always.. ahhhh


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

Hmmm... sounds like the more you talk about this guy its just all about him no consideration for anybody else much less their feelings.Hope your thinking more about your future and getting a game plan in place.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Thank you Stella moon...I love everyone of his 5 daughters as my own... I have 4 boys so..lol the grandchildren well my heart swells everytime I see them and they run up to me and yell "Grandma you are here" I wouldnt change a thing. I believe if the first x never went in and got "fixed" so to speak I would have had more. I love children..and I am waiting for my boys to want children...in a few years though.. youngest is 14 then 15 17 and 19..plenty of time.. I have been down this road and I said I would never put myself in that situation again. I was too comfortable you could say. I was able to to take the children to and from school, go watch any sports they might be in ect. I went back to school after the first x left for Medical office assistant and Nursing Unit Clerk. Never put it to use though..hindsight...I did run an 2 apartment buildings, did renos,mowing lawns ect. Before that I ran a small convenience store.. I like that as well. I am generally am a shy person until I get to know people..Anyways, I am generally an easy going person til you try and hurt my family.. Bear with her cubs..Will protect anyone of them. 
I know I need to get mad in a way and do what it takes to move on. I said I was giving my notice and he said no stay put til I can finish up here and then we will see where we can find a safe place for you and the kids...hmmm not..Why would I wait around a month or more for you to finish up..I have basically been a smartass to him which gets him madder.. i try not to but...He keeps texting that the cheque will be in bank...its still hasnt gone in...then he sent a text saying oh it was brought to bush...I said "oh...good now you dont have to worry about it be deposited and me screwing you over and taking it all" he replied if I thought that I would have closed the account...yeah right I never was vendictive in my first divorce.. He told me ask for everything and let the judge decide..I was always fair..I thought about what the children needed not me and not him...I am waiting on a call back from a lawyer...I could call every lawyer in town and when he goes to get one he cant cause there would be a conflict of interest.. I would never do that.. Its not me at all...

I have good days and bad days.. I know the good will eventually out number the bad... I get mad when I am here at night and in my mind I call him every name I can think of...Its pretty pathetic as I try not to swear around the boys...:rofl: they hear worse at school...anyways the boys are not to broke up about this...for whatever reason they think I will be better off. Makes me wonder was I the only one that loved him? I become resigned to the fact maybe I did make a mistake...He chose to leave me, I did everything I could...which was never good enough....


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Well its another day..my bday today but I wont be doing anything special. My oldest son sent me a text at midnight to wish me a happy bday  No money has been put in the account still so I am not left wondering shud I have been a 131TC1-1 about the whole thing and took all the money out? I have many payments coming out of my personal account and no money..lol how very stupid of me to think I could trust him. I shouldnt have been so nice. Oh well learn from my mistakes and move on.. Will be abit embarrassing when they try to take payments but I will deal with that when the time comes. Instead of being happy today I have allowed him to bring me down...I have to get over him..yes I still love him and miss him but this too shall pass, but as I sit and reflect on things I am left wondering if I ever made him happy or was it all a lie. To marry me and say those vows and then turn around and distroy that person (me) really makes one sit up and take notice..I guess I was the only one who was really taken in by him..Most of my friends and family never really cared for him but never wanted to say anything to me. Go figure...Ahh life..to never have loved and lost is to never have really loved at all...


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Well he called again and I know I know..why did I answer? Stupidity hope? Anyways when he called he started off nicely again wham..the yelling started..he got his cheque from the guy from the bush and it was late blah blah blah...he was at the bank now seeing if he was able to deposit it and transfer money right away. He said I will send you a picture of the cheque so you dont think I am screwing you. and then it turned into more yelling cause we r paying 180 for tv/internet and nothing on..and I havent taken in his file box of papers to the accountant yet..he is lonely and his tires are bad and this and that. went on for 20 mins or so..my children heard him as my son was driving to school...then he started to cry get mad again then started to swear then said well i need to go at bank....wow what a lovely way to start off my bday..lol oh well..My oldest has night class at the college, he wont be here for my bday dinner, my youngest goes to his dads, he wont be here and the other two are going out with friends...ahhh life...


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

PL-

Wanted to say "Happy Birthday!"

Stay Strong!


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

All I can say is happy future b-days to you there are better days to come- you have got to believe it. Check out mama2five's post its a good example of why no contact is a good thing otherwise there is no peace.Listening to all the swearing on the phone is just adding to a overall very stressful situation your in-a person can only take so much.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

purelife said:


> anyways the boys are not to broke up about this...for whatever reason they think I will be better off. Makes me wonder was I the only one that loved him?


Kids see and understand a lot more than we give them credit for.They may love him,but like you said about the momma bear protecting her cubs,your boys love you and don't want to see you hurt.

Hope you have a happy birthday.Best wishes!


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Thank you one and all for the B-day wishes


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Again I answered. Telling me (while yelling) that for him to deposit the cheque they would hold it for 7-10 business days and blah blah blah...Trying to have a civil convesation seems impossible right now. i said maybe with time and if not...well....yeah anyways.. I was told over and over again "u had me...but u put others n other things before me!!!!!! I needed sum effort pit into me...us...n u cudnt..." Maybe I was wrong but as a mother my children will always have me..Apparently me having surgeries was my fault too as I never went to the dr...I did all the time and I guess I let them run all over me like everyone else...5-6 years of my kidneys not working properly is all my fault. Everything I did was wrong and everything I say is wrong..I cant win for trying..I am up to my elbows in paperwork..Apparently I have waited to long to take this all in too...man i try and i still get yelled at...sucks i guess..well i am going to get some ...work done then boys from school....oh wait i am not supposed to..let them walk ect...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I will tell you this...you MUST find an atty. asap. You have rights here financially and he will be in for a world of surprise...You need that atty. 'now'. An atty is going to see that your stbxh runs a business that makes money...he will see to it his debt is paid I'm sure. You just have to find that atty that will be willing to give you a bit of a start here. And do find out about legal aid etc...programs in your area...you need to be on the phone about this stuff yesterday.
> 
> 
> *Take back your life... own it.* Resources...lawyer...job...housing...food...etc etc...
> ...


:iagree:


Pure-life, You wish things could go back as as they were. You are hurting and confused. You are being treated like dirt and H probably has another woman or maybe more than one.

If you don't stand up for yourself , no else will. LISTEN to some of the advice you are getting here from people like Stella Moon and others. Do not wait around and be a door mat. Is that what you want to teach your children " how to be a door mat" in life??

I don't mean to sound harsh but you need to wake-up and face the facts, of how you are being treated and that action on YOUR part is needed.. I wish you the best and I am sorry you are going through this.....


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

:iagree: I am and probably always have been a doormat to my ex, my children, family and now my soon to be x....Do I like the fact no....am I proud of it? not at all. I do not like conflict, and as long as I am saying yes to everything and everyone its all good. My children watched their dad walk all over me and I never stopped it so in their minds it was ok..the next soon to be x it was his way or the highway...Even now I ran around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to finish up all the paperwork and filing so I could drop off his taxes..I was wrong for not getting it down earlieranyways he wasnt too impressed when I started talking back to him. Yeah I think yelling is what he likes to do best...No I do not want to live like this...I want respect love everything I havent gotten...One day at a time I guess....


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

purelife said:


> One day at a time I guess....


As long as you start and don't put it off.You have to face your fears in life and when you do you'll find out how empowering it can be.Take care.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

The blame game- this seems to always come out of the person who is leaving.All kinds of oversimplified reasons for leaving ,and just plain stupid reasons to justify being nasty.-God, this such a re-run,seen this happen to myself and other people.
If you HAVE TO talk to him again ,tell him up front your not yelling at me anymore if you start I'm going to hang up and if he does follow through. You tell him the ground rules for communicating with you- take charge. Keep it business -from what you've described seems like you kinda have to communicate with him to some degree to keep him working.
If you don't have to comunicate with him -don't.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Your complaining about things you have control of purelife...

gonna be harsh here...but 'you' need to grow up yourself. If you realize how he's gonna treat you when that phone rings...and you 'chose' to answer it...then you allow yourself to be verbally abused...

well...that's just childish... when are you going to decide it's enough? 

Your realize your kids see this? Haven't they seen enough of a doormat for a roll model? So they are to become one later in life also? 

C'mon lady...take the bull by the horns...and in this case...the bully.


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## ItsGonnabeAlright (Nov 19, 2012)

Seems like this person you married is treating you like a scapegoat. There are probably others reasons for why he left. Get a lawyer, and make him pay for his part of that shared debt. Perhaps this is for the best, this isn't the type of guy you should spend the rest of your life with. He seems to run away from his problems and is selfish.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You really need to stop answering his calls. Get yourself a lawyer ASAP! You are only obligated to pay 1/2 the debts, not 100% like he wants you to. Also, you are eligible for alimony. Usually you will get 1/2 the length of marriage, so that would make it 3.5 years of monthly payments. 

Make sure you split everything down the middle in half. It doesn't matter how mad he gets. If he yells at you, hang up the phone. Him leaving is NOT your fault!!!

This guy is a jerk. You have got to listen to the advice given here, it is great advice! You can't make someone love you either. He's not changing his mind about your marriage.

It's time to focus on yourself. You also need to stand up for yourself. You can do this!


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

I only want to talk to him for the sake of finding out about bills ect. I realize that I need to get it together. My mom started a bank account for me in her name so I can put small amounts of money in there when I am able to. I have applied at several places but no calls as of yet. I have not found any place as of yet so I am unable to give notice. So I will have to wait til next month and hopefully there will be something. I have my first councelling appointment March 8 so not right away but soon. My youngest son was in here tonight doing homework and he started laughing over the silliest thing..of course he laughs then I laugh then he lost it. LOL was good to laugh...One day at a time...I am lonely and miss him, but its for the best. I know that but its still hard. I know i am not the first nor the last one to go through this and I appreciate everyones thoughts. Thank you and keep posting...


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Well dropped off taxes, took out money order for him, cleaned the house, and made dinner for one son, others at friends and their dads.. I believe it is getting easier...dont get me wrong, i am still hurting but I am getting stronger everyday. I know when he calls keep it business not personal. He chose to leave I didnt I am still here. One day at a time one foot in front of the other.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Today is one of those days. I have looked and looked but there seems to be nothing out there unless you have a million diplomas up the wazoo. I dont. I have alot of experience with management, and retail..I realy need to find a fulltime as parttime for 10.00 an hr wont do...Hopefully something will come up soon. No place either. My parents offered but they also said it wasnt practical..so another month of wondering and waiting and looking for a place...

My youngest will be at his dads tonight the older three all have plans to go out..so I will be here. I have friends but they have families that they spend time with. I guess I need to find single people to mingle with. Only problem I dont drink or smoke...most places you can go is a bar or pub..lol man...alot to think about and figure out...


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

If you need to, go to your parents. I let my parents moved into our house when my dad was laid off. It wasn't practical, but I couldn't ever leave them homeless. It was stressful for sure since my mother is use to running the show. It's her way or the highway, even under my roof, but we managed. They stayed as long as they needed to. I'd offer them to come again if needed as they'd do the same for me.

Your doing great. It sounds like your moving forward. Good luck finding a job too. I know how stressful finding employment as a single parent is. 

Make sure you get what's fair in the divorce. Don't settle for what's not fair and give this guy a break. He needs to own up to his responsibilities, not run away from them.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

How are things going purelife?


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

My parents are watching my kids right now. The only person that has a problem with it is my wife LOL


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Well I havent been on here for a couple of days. Trying to sort things out. Help my mom deal with my grandma(she was just diagnosed breast cancer and skin cancer and more tests) and worried about my great niece who was born Feb 20th with a hole in her heart. 
Well I wont be able to go to my parents house..My Uncle who is handicapped will be moving into their basement. So I am still looking. Like I mentioned before I found a couple of places but I would not feel safe at all there. I have applied for jobs, but have yet to hear back on any..I think I might have to go back to school. Not sure how as I am still paying off a student loan and all the other debt. Ahh life...He asked me to send a picture to him and all he could say was ....typical..hands infront of ur face or half covered with ur hair...yay!! and ...its like anything in life...dont f**k around just get the job don right..so basically I was thinking maybe he cared, no he just wanted to show how cruel he was...I am dumb for even thinking that there was anything there except his vendictiveness...

I cleaned the garage a little bit more today. I sold my kitchen table as I need the money. I am going through other things to see what I can sell. Really trying to downsize..lol not that I have alot..tstbx threw out almost anything that was connected to my 1st ex..pictures, beds furniture videos anything..only things, I at least I have my boys...

As for spousal support well I was married the first time for 12 yrs..I got 2 yrs, as he kept complaining to the judge he was living in hardship..lol yeah he said he made 42,000.00 when he actually 60,000.00 what a jerk. I do not speak to him unless absolutely necessary..which is very rare as only the youngest visits him anymore. The older ones stopped soon after he left...

Anyways I am taking it one day at a time. This thing with the pictures well live and learn I guess...

"sometimes you just have to stop Worrying, Wondering, and doubting, have faith that things will work out, may be not how you planned, but just how they're meant to be."


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## 82Baby (Jan 18, 2013)

@ Purelife, I'm not sure if your religious or not. But, my husband of 11 months left me two months ago and he hasn't contacted me since. Currently, we are going through a divorce. I was served on our anniversary day(2/11/13). I felt the same pain, hurt and sadness in the beginning too. But, it was when I put God first in my life, I began to feel much better. He took all of my pain, hurt and my worries away and has been strengthening me through this process. He gave me the peace, the patience, the faith and the love I need. I started focus on the the Lord and on the things I have control of, like myself, my kids, family, work and school. It helped tremendously. 

I know its hard because I've been there; however, if you trust in God and allow Him to be first in your life and pray, He will provide for you and your kids and take away all of your pain.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

82Baby thank you,

I am saddened to say I fell away from God..After my 1st divorce I went to church every sunday without fail. I went to a group called Just Me and The Kids. It helped me alot. After the group was over I still went, until I started back to school. My oldest was 11, then 10, then 7, and 6..No excuse but I went from 8:00am-4:30pm sometimes 5:00pm then picked up kids went home made dinner, homework for them, then baths and stories..Then I had 4hrs at least of homework then studying for tests..By the time the weekend came around I was exhausted. When the boys were with their dad for the weekend I would go and it gradually became less and less. I pray eveyday and night and ask for forgiviness for athything i may have done wrong. I have been praying for my great niece who was born 02/20/2013 with a hole in her heart..I she was doing so well after nearly losing her, and today I recieved a call from my mom that there is nothing more they can do for her and she may not make it. I have been praying for my grandma whole was just diagnosed with breast and skin cancer...I have also been praying for my boys and myself. They seem ok with tstbx leaving. He was only here maybe 4 times in the last year. We were married 05/19/2013 and he was here the day we were married then he was gone working on his truck and rigging then left for work 12 hrs away. You probably read most of what has been happening..its heart breaking and I feel so dumb (cant really describe it) I waited 7 years to make sure this was the right thing to do..was I wrong. I have been looking day in and day out for a job. I think the best option is to go back to school or try to do an online course and do my book keeping and accounting. I want a career not just a job that I wont be able to progress in. Maybe business administrator..I am not sure. I go for my councilling appointment tomorrow so I will see what happens there and go from there.

I am sorry to hear what happened to you..I am glad that things are better for you and I will pray that they continue to be. 

Thank you take care
purelife

"sometimes you just have to stop Worrying, Wondering, and doubting, have faith that things will work out, may be not how you planned, but just how they're meant to be."


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Well, here I am again..I have been applying like crazy but still no phone calls. Hmmm not sure if I am over qualified for some of the jobs or too old..I know I have to go back to school but so tough to do right now. The stbx hasnt sent any money in 2 weeks and bills are coming due again. My son is graduating and I cant get grad photos of him..I am down to my last 100.00 and that is needed to pay my van insurance. Ahhh life..funny how life just continues around u..how insignificant your life really is in the grand scheme of things. I am getting better..still have my sad moments, but realize I am better off without him and the way he treated me. I have lost my stepdaughters, the grandchildren, my security, my hopes and dreams..He still has it all..living the life and spending money whenever he wants...I will survive and make new dreams....In time maybe find someone who shares my dreams...


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

I feel bad for your situation purelife...can you not take him to court for support? You might have to jig your resume around a bit in order to get your foot in the door for an interview...like for example instead of saying you have 20-25 years experience,put '10 plus years' on it instead.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Hang in there purelife. Your doing the best you can with what you have! I hope you find a job and a place to live really soon! That was really mean and childish of your stbx with the photo. That just shows you what a low life jerk he is. He knows your hurting and he wants to rub it in your face for his own satisfaction. How awful and cruel. 

Is there any other family you can go to for a short while in case you need to? Maybe you can contact the county and get emergency assistance with housing and basic needs until you get back on your feet.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Well my resume was written by someone else while I was laid off 2 years ago. I have schooling but no certificates.frustrating..22,000.00 for student loans and nothing as The Northern Health Authority didnt recognize the course after we were finished..Ahh life...
To get support I have to wait 3 months before we are considered separated..then have to write up an agreement and see if he agrees or even responds to it..he is 12 hrs away and wont give me his PO Box...After that we have to be separated for 1 year before a divorce is granted and that is if only both parties agree on the support ect..if not then its to court...sucks big time...
My sister has a house with her husband but only 2 bedroom so no room, my brother has a house but is married and 3 kids..Thats the only family besides my parents...To get into low income housing its a waiting list at least 6 mnths.. 
I am at his mercy on if and when he sends money or puts it in the business account.
I never wanted to be put in this situation again..Thats why I went back to school, but I put my trust in him and stayed home and raised the children..Now I am 42 and finding it really tough to find a job. My own fault for trusting and putting all my faith in someone again...

well back to job searches and housing..
thank you all for commenting it really helps


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Well I had to talk to him about permits ect. It started off ok..Then he said "I really really love you, you are my wife, but I needed some cooperation" hmmm if its not one thing its another..He said well you are going to have to do everything on your own now how does that feel...I said dont rub it in..I know..he is basically an ass to me..Just blames everything on me..He was this big hero who swooped in and saved me...yeah right.I was doing ok on my own...But I am ok..he keeps trying to hurt me but I have grown thick skin I guess, cause it does hurt but not as much. I realize he wants to make me feel bad about myself and my life and beg him to come back...Tell him how bad my life is without him...Well not going to happen..I am still at his mercy for money till I can get a job and hopefully start paying off the debt, slowly steadily...

I have a 1.5ltr of water beside me at all times so I am getting better with drinking water and keeping my kidneys working..

I applied for a couple more jobs today..so fingers crossed...
Off to do more laundry...I am here all alone for a couple of hours..

Take care everyone..


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

purelife said:


> well i havent been on here for a couple of days. Trying to sort things out. Help my mom deal with my grandma(she was just diagnosed breast cancer and skin cancer and more tests) and worried about my great niece who was born feb 20th with a hole in her heart.
> Well i wont be able to go to my parents house..my uncle who is handicapped will be moving into their basement. So i am still looking. Like i mentioned before i found a couple of places but i would not feel safe at all there. I have applied for jobs, but have yet to hear back on any..i think i might have to go back to school. Not sure how as i am still paying off a student loan and all the other debt. Ahh life...he asked me to send a picture to him and all he could say was ....typical..*hands infront of ur face or half covered with ur hair.*..yay!! And ...its like anything in life...dont f**k around just get the job don right..so basically i was thinking maybe he cared, no he just wanted to show how cruel he was...i am dumb for even thinking that there was anything there except his vendictiveness...
> 
> I cleaned the garage a little bit more today. I sold my kitchen table as i need the money. I am going through other things to see what i can sell. Really trying to downsize..lol not that i have alot..tstbx threw out almost anything that was connected to my 1st ex..pictures, beds furniture videos anything..only things, i at least i have my boys...
> ...



stop talking to him!!!!!!!! Wtf!!!!


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Well here I am again, hanging my head down in shame..He has been living with someone for a while..He said he has been in love with her for the last 10 years..the last 8 years with me he was basically killing time until he could reconnect with her..The wedding was a ****ing wedding get over it sign the papers so he can marry her. He has found his soulmate after all these years..I was nothing and anything thing he told me was a lie...he used me till he found her again...Man I was so stupid and blind...My first ex cheated now this one has and still is...there must be something terribly wrong with me to have two people who say they loved me fool me like this. Its not a poor me ,but a reflection on myself....ican get an annulement but that would make it simple for him...give in to his bullying...Ahhhh sigh.....


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

You have nothing to be ashamed of purelife.This is all about the asshat you married.I'm sorry you're going through this,but its time you worked up some righteous anger towards this POS.Get informed on everything you can,from the best sources you can,about your rights in a divorce.Then act on it for the best outcome for you and your kids.He can't just walk away and leave you destitute after 8 years of marriage and you should take him for every dime you can.If you've been doing the paperwork for his financials then keep copies of everything.Don't let him steamroll over you.Read Stella Moon's thread...she's going through something very similar in regard to debt/finances with her entitled stbx,and she took the bull by the horns and is glad she did.

Don't let this sorry excuse for a husband,a man of deceit and very low moral character,be the validation for who you are...define yourself.Once again,I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling,but its time for you to take some hard action.Take care.


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

Well :scratchhead: hmmm what can I say..

I have contacted a lawyer but April 2 is the earliest I am able to get in. I am going to be asking for anything and everything. He told me with my first ex ask for everything you can...I never did. Was trying to be fair..Now I am mad..pissed off...I am not a vendictive person but he has hurt me and my children. He wont even talk to the boys anymore..Cut off all communication..Big man....
I called the accountant and told them we were married in May but he has been with someone else. I cant say for sure how long he has been with this person but...and he said no worries I will put separated as of Dec 31..that way he cant claim me or the boys for tax purposes..His tax bracket will go way up cause he will have noone to write off...hmmm is that mean :scratchhead: 

I am going to ask for at least 7000.00 a month or more see what the lawyer says...The bills we have add up to 5200 a month, and I do not want to wait 20yrs to have the credit cards paid off..I will ask for 50% of what his logging truck makes as well...I know I may not get it but hey he told me a long time ago if my 1st ex had to live in a cardboard box n eat dirt thats what will happen as long as the boys n myself were taken care of...his words coming back to haunt him..

For some reason he keeps texting me (no I dont answer) and asking if I am doing ok have enough for bills, got groceries and if I am eating and taking care of myself...Like he cares..He calls and calls finally I answer and its hey everything all right? I have been sending you messages and calling and no answer. I say yup. then he goes into along speech about how sorry he is for hurting me but I took him for granted all these years...He just wants me to get the paperwork together so he can divorce me and marry his one true love..the one who showed him what love truly is and what it means to be repected and loved for and trully cared for....blah blah blah...

he then went on to say that there may not be enough money at the end of the month to pay bills so I should hold off on paying some right now.. He has spent about 2000.00 in two days and I havent spent a cent. I bought basic groceries for the boys thats it...

i believe he is drinking either that or the women he is with is a big time drinker..cause in 4 days he has spent over 200 on liquor.

He wants me to feel sorry for him cause he has to work so much and his health is not good...I dont give a rats a** about him or his health...

I am doing what I need to for my children and myself..

Everyday I am stronger..I am still hurt and it feels like a nightmare but its real life and I am able to face it head on....

not backing down or bowing down to him anymore...

will not be yelled at by him anymore or bullied or minipulated by him either....I am done with all his bullsh*t and lies....:banhim:


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Purelife,how are you doing...things any better?


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## purelife (Feb 22, 2013)

TBT said:


> Purelife,how are you doing...things any better?


Hi there,

things are going so much better. I am happier than I have been in a long long time. I believe now the best things was him leaving. Otherwise I would be in a marriage that was hurting me. 

I am still looking for work and a place but I have a much better look at things.

my great niece who was born Feb 20 2013 passed away April 9 2013..we has her funeral today. It was a beautiful and moving day. The strength and faith my niece and her husband have is truly amazing. 

My problems seem so small in comparison to what they are going through. put everything in to perspective...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

My condolences on the loss of your great niece.It is a terribly hard time I know as I lost my first son very shortly after birth many years ago.It's good to hear your niece and her husband have found the strength and faith they need at this time.Saying a prayer for the little one and you all.

Though its a troubling time,its nice to hear that you're much happier and doing better.The more distance you make from this hurtful marriage the better you'll be able to focus on yourself and your goals.The job and the new place will come in time and as I've found so often in life,sometimes when you least expect it opportunities appear around the corner. 

Hopefully you'll post from time to time and say how things are going.As I said,its nice to know you're happier and I hope things continue down that path for you and your kids.Take care.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

So sorry for your loss! It sure does put things in perspective. Good luck with your rebuilding -- plenty of good things in store for you!

Best,- A12


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