# Content and happiness



## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

What more can I do for me? 

I have a spouse who isn't interested in making our marriage/relationship better or even helping himself with his anxiety issues.. I resent this a lot and it's taking it's toll. I take great care of our kids, work part-time. I joined a women's group in the area that I enjoy, I recently went for acupuncture-- The last time I went was about 6 months ago. This older woman is very relaxing, I can fall into a deep sleep which she says is a good thing. I sometimes take a exercise class or go bike-riding. I talk with my parents about once a week and my sisters here and there.. But I am so unfulfilled!! What is going on? About a month ago I went downtown to see theatre with a friend. I'm going out to dinner this weekend with another friend. It has rained the last few days so yesterday I got out in the yard to pull weeds and cut old daisies. What more can I do to feel good about myself? I believe I eat pretty healthy and I also take a few vitimins. My blood work was done and the doctor said keep doing what I'm doing as the results were good.. I feel like I'm trying but nothing is helping. How can I be in control of my own happiness? Just venting, I guess.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My ex had many similarities with your spouse. I did much of what you're doing, but also took courses - academic, to further my career skills, and fun things, like hypnosis and African drumming. One of the most useful was a meditation course. I had my hobbies (mainly photography), and also walked, jogged, biked, hiked, canoed, sailed, and added weights to my exercise program. It all helped - and I was relatively happy despite my spouse. Eventually, though, the only obstacle to being completely happy was my spouse, so I finally did what I should have done much earlier: divorced her. That freedom gave me the opportunity to pursue the one other thing that provided me with true happiness: a good relationship. I found one, and despite many difficulties and setbacks in life, we've gotten through them all together, and been happy with each other the entire time.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Could you start to work full-time? Would those wages and benefits be enough for you to be able to support not only yourself but the kids, too?

That could open the door to being able to divorce, if you would like to do that.


----------



## urf (Feb 18, 2017)

breath


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Being truly happy and content within the confines of an unhappy marriage sounds like an impossibility.


----------



## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Thank-you for the replies.. You have touched on things that are right there on the surface that I need to do. Going back to school could be an option although I didn't care for HS or college and still young enough to study something that could take me into my 60's.. My part-time job isn't very satisfying at all, it's a pay check and that's it!! 


I have felt that my marriage was in the way of my unhappiness but not really sure. No one can really make you happy so that's why I was working on my-self. Or that's what 'the saying' goes. I am really afraid of change but not sure I want to continue 'this' for another 10-20 years. Gosh, what will we do and talk about in our 70's and 80's especially since there's nothing there now? I'm sure once I'm working full-time, I can see myself on my own like so many other women. It's just getting there is the problem!


----------



## urf (Feb 18, 2017)

MrsHolland said:


> Being truly happy and content within the confines of an unhappy marriage sounds like an impossibility.


I think I agree but..... creating happiness is like creating art. It pours from you without limit. How can a person who creates happiness from the depths of of their inner soul be in an unhappy marriage? I know it happens but why?

I choose to be happy. I choose he easiest path to happiness. The person I'm with must chose according to their own criteria. I hope theychoose me.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

urf said:


> I think I agree but..... creating happiness is like creating art. It pours from you without limit. How can a person who creates happiness from the depths of of their inner soul be in an unhappy marriage? I know it happens but why?
> 
> I choose to be happy. I choose he easiest path to happiness. The person I'm with must chose according to their own criteria. I hope theychoose me.


I like your "creating happiness is like creating art" and think we are responsible for creating our own happiness. The problem is when a spouse, the person that is supposed to compliment your life and add to it actually takes away from it. 

When a spouse will not help to build the marriage as in the OPs situation they become an impediment to true happiness for their partner. We are not islands and we partner up with people that should add to our happiness not hinder it. 

I guess people can be happy within themselves while in an unhappy marriage (I was) but the problem is that it becomes very lonely being in a marriage that has issues. IMHO it is better to be happy and single than in an unhappy marriage.


----------



## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...t-way-wives-get-their-needs-met-marriage.html

We were talking about this kind of thing in another thread. Hope I linked it ^

Laura Doyle suggests it's using your womanly wiles to steer your marriage in the right direction. I'm trying that approach and it seems to be working.

I imagine your marriage is your most important relationship and when that's off, of course you're not happy. For me, I decided that instead of jumping into divorce and all that unhappiness, I'd try to salvage what I already have. I know I want a LTR and it might as well be with my H if I can get what I want.

I'm really looking at things from his POV. At times I've felt I was giving everything and he wasn't giving enough. He said I didn't care about what he's going through and I thought that was rather whiney... but later I apologized, said I do care, shrugged my shoulders and gave more. He seems to notice and it seems to be building on the positiveness.

I'm no expert but I've held onto resentment and I'm pretty sure that's not a great solution. It has to start somewhere and it sounds like you're in a stronger position right now to steer your marriage in a better direction. Act like you have a happy marriage and see where that takes you?

btw the tone of Laura Doyle seems kind of old fashioned but it's really just loving on someone. I got an email saying Empowered Wives is now on Amazon Prime for free. I'm going to check it out.


----------



## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

btw one thing you could do for yourself is to decide what you want. Do you want to stay married to this guy? If so, how can you make it better? You're not trapped in it. Do you want to leave? If so, how to make that transition?

Making that choice should make you feel better about yourself, that you can control at least your response to the situation. What do you want?


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> Being truly happy and content within the confines of an unhappy marriage sounds like an impossibility.


More so, it's an unnecessary jail sentence.

OP, you sound like you're trying to keep yourself as busy as possible as you rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic. What's the POINT of all this?


----------



## urf (Feb 18, 2017)

MrsHolland said:


> I like your "creating happiness is like creating art" and think we are responsible for creating our own happiness. The problem is when a spouse, the person that is supposed to compliment your life and add to it actually takes away from it.
> 
> When a spouse will not help to build the marriage as in the OPs situation they become an impediment to true happiness for their partner. We are not islands and we partner up with people that should add to our happiness not hinder it.
> 
> I guess people can be happy within themselves while in an unhappy marriage (I was) but the problem is that it becomes very lonely being in a marriage that has issues. IMHO it is better to be happy and single than in an unhappy marriage.


I agree with you. That sounds wise. How is it working out for you?


----------



## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

OMGoodness what a great analogy!!! I laughed because that's what it basically is.. I'm trying to keep myself busy but I guess not enough.. Then I get mad because I shouldn't have these feelings about how empty I feel and wanting to escape.. I should be content and happy with everything I have. It could be hormones too but I think I know it's the 'titanic' and won't admit to it or don't want to believe.. Yes, kids are old enough to not need me around as much so a full-time job or some sort of class would be good.

What I want is to be content and happy like years ago. I don't want to divorce as there's no need for it. Just hoping he comes around and does what's best (like in the movies) ha ha. He knows how I feel but ignores anything I have to say. No respect for others and just very selfish. This is no marriage. I'm fighting it... I'm scared that when I move forward I will fail and regret the decision. Just a really dumb girl-- I was raised to be independent.. How on earth did I end up being so stupid....

When a Woman is loved correctly, she becomes ten times the Woman she was before.... I believe this is true-- this is what I want!!


----------

