# I have decided to leave...now what?!?!



## WorriedWife! (Jun 27, 2011)

I have decided to leave my husband;...this is a very difficult decision. I have tried for the past 3 yrs to help him, but he refuses to change.. He has become a compulsive liar (lies about everything...I mean everything!) and has a drinking habit, although he is not abusive, I dont want my children being affected. I know its hard going through a divorce, but I think its even harder in my case...PLEASE dont judge...We were married very young, I was only 15, I wasn't pregnant but apparently thought I was in love. I am now 20 and expecting my third child. My first two are 2 and 3) Some people judge, but im very mature and trust me I dont feel 20 at all! I dont have a drivers license or a job, but did just receive my associates degree and am already enrolled for my bachelors. I just feel stuck, I cant drive (the car is in my name though!) and dont have a job. I have relatives that would watch my kids if I can work; Everything just seems impossible at this point. I dont want to rely on my family forever. Also I feel emotionally attached to my husband still, sort of like a crutch I guess you could say. I have been stuck to him since I was 12 and he is all I know. I never want to date again, let alone marry, but people keep saying I will change my mind and if I do who in their right mind is going to want a young mother who already has 3 kids! I just feel so lost and hopeless. Has anyone been through this before? I just feel like I need a plan, but I never planned on making this type of plan! Please help


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## Chelly (Jun 24, 2011)

No judgment from me! It sounds like you've experienced more in your young life than many people twice your age have experienced-- so give yourself a break! And congratulations on getting your associates degree!

If I were you, I'd make a step-by-step plan -- all of the things you need to have in order before leaving. Unless your marriage is just crushing you and you need to get out immediately, putting things in order before you leave will make leaving so much easier. 

For example, I imagine some of the things on the list would be: reliable child care; a job so you can support yourself; a driver's license; a plan for a place to live; etc.

Do you have any relatives or friends who could help you think this through? 

You should also speak with an attorney, someone who specializes in divorce. They will help you figure out the steps you need to take and what your options are, especially since kids are involved. You might have to pay a little for this initial meeting but it will be worth it.

You really just need a plan. Then once you have the plan, work it step by step. Think of it as your plan that is making it possible for you to have a new and much better life.


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## kirby81 (Jun 29, 2011)

Chelly said:


> You really just need a plan. Then once you have the plan, work it step by step. Think of it as your plan that is making it possible for you to have a new and much better life.


I completely agree. Get a plan and stick to it. If you don't live in a place that has mass transit to get back and forth to a job ... then have a relative run by and pick up the book for you to study to take your drivers license test. If you don't actually know how to drive that car in your name then have a family member or friend teach you. Get your license, claim your vehicle, go live with family for a bit till you get a few paychecks and can get settled in an apartment of your own. Try to work out a mutual childcare plan with your husband either before or directly after you have left with them. Your leaving will be hard enough for your husband, but don't take the kids away from their father if he isn't abusive.

Just try to make the leaving a civil affair. The calmer and easier you make the transition for all parties involved, the better luck you won't end up with a nasty divorce case and child-custody issue.


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