# Wish they would stop.



## fail (Apr 21, 2012)

I am married for over a year and a half now. I have a new friend who is so annoying when my husband is around. He doesn't find her attractive i am 100 percent sure on this but i find it agitating that he found it funny to throw me under the bus and joke about us not having sex anymore. we do have sex but there are time constraints such as a 5 month old, a 11 yr old autistic child and jobs lol... so stealing time away for romance isn't easy. when we all hang out together she ups the ante now and jokes every moment she can about sex and even sent him an email and not me of a sexual pic that was funny. My husband doesn't joke back really he just kind of laughs it off but, is too much of a pu55y to tell her knock it off since he knew i was getting uncomfortable. I talked to both of them today about how i feel about the sexual joking between them. She doesn't remember joking with him like that and he is offended that i brought up something old that we already discussed. ugh i feel like the third wheel! i think hanging out tomorrow with the two of them is going to suck. what now? sorry to complain!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I would end the friendship with this woman. And I'd tell my husband that if he continues his friendship with her, dispiste the fact that it makes me uncomfortable that I would consider their freindship an EA (emotional affair). 

He should NEVER, EVER put any woman ahead of you. If you are uncomfortable about something then he has to be supportive of you. That's what marriage is about.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

No matter how he feels about your sex life together he has no right to embarrass you before friends. I'd tell him exactly how you feel, he needs to hear it from you.

My wife and I have struggled with our vastly different sex drives, but I've never told a person she knows about the problem (aside from the sex therapist). To do so would be demeaning and disrespectful. It's not to much to expect your husband to act the same way.

Since this is a new friend, I'd just let her know you think she is wildly out of line and just stop contact her. I'd tell your husband that he's not to communicate with her either, that things have gone too far.

I'd cancel your plans for tomorrow as well.

As for your sex life, I know at times my wife and I schedule sex (even though it can seem a bit less romantic). Some sex life, even scheduled, is better than letting it go for too long. It does adversely affect the relationship to go too long w/o sex. It tends to make a man feel unloved, even if he knows he's loved in his head. Take this from a man who has at times gone long stretches of his 15 year marriage w/o sex.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

She's not a friend. She's a homewrecker.

Some "new" friends do this on purpose. Beware.

And shame on your husband for saying ANYTHING personal like that to another woman. Lame.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

I agree that this girl is not a friend.

Your husband shouldn't be complaining to her about your lack of sex life either. However, sex is a very important part of marriage and you should find time for some intimacy with your husband.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

drop her - it's totally disrespectful to you

and he needs to be loyal to YOU before anyone else

the one thing I'll say about my stbxh is that he never put me down in front of people


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

fail said:


> I am married for over a year and a half now. I have a new friend who is so annoying when my husband is around. He doesn't find her attractive i am 100 percent sure on this but i find it agitating that he found it funny to throw me under the bus and joke about us not having sex anymore. we do have sex but there are time constraints such as a 5 month old, a 11 yr old autistic child and jobs lol... so stealing time away for romance isn't easy. when we all hang out together she ups the ante now and jokes every moment she can about sex and even sent him an email and not me of a sexual pic that was funny. My husband doesn't joke back really he just kind of laughs it off but, is too much of a pu55y to tell her knock it off since he knew i was getting uncomfortable. I talked to both of them today about how i feel about the sexual joking between them. She doesn't remember joking with him like that and he is offended that i brought up something old that we already discussed. ugh i feel like the third wheel! i think hanging out tomorrow with the two of them is going to suck. what now? sorry to complain!


who is this bi*ch? and why is she hanging around you and your husband? pull your husband aside and talk with him dose he like her company? and where are his male friends?

somethings not right.

and on a side note let your husband know that him acting like a pu$$y is why hes not getting more action in the bed room.


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

fail said:


> ...is too much of a pu55y...


~blinks~

wow... just wow...

Do you tell him he's a pu55y to his face? Does you husband know that you have zero respect for him? Does he know you say so in public?

I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like the advice I offered were I to do so.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Jeff/BC said:


> ~blinks~
> 
> wow... just wow...
> 
> ...


I was kind of hoping it was the anger talking... but yeah even still it shocked me as well. I would never call my wife an equivalent name, nor would she me. It's shows neither respect nor honor.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Fail,

Drop this woman as a friend. You owe her no explaination. Just cut her out of your life.

Your real issue is with your husband. Do not talk to her about it any more. Talk to him and let him know that his talking to others, especially a woman, about your sex life is very hurtful and you will not put up with it. You have to draw boundries in your marriage. This is a hill worth dying on.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I agree with others. She is NOT a friend. She is trying to get your husband's attention for whatever her reason is and she enjoys doing so at your expense. You should stop hanging out with her. And, you should tell your husband that if he continues to hang out with her, he's choosing her over your marriage. It's that serious. Women who disrespect other women in front of or in conjunction with their husbands are interested in creating a rift between the married couple so that that can become the convenient shoulder to cry on, so that the husband can bond with them over the actions of the wife. Your husband should NOT be valuing some new acquaintance over you. I suspect that more is going on. It's not always about attraction, but about ego. My H cheated in an emotional affair with a butt-ugly bimbo that he didn't even find attractive, but whose willingness to kiss his a$$ stroked his ego. Of course, he cheated a bunch of times with a bunch of women, so that's no surprise. I wish I had put a stop to it earlier, because things might be different now. I urge you to pay attention to this problem because it's indicative of a rift between the two of you. Take care of it and don't ignore it. Not objecting strongly means you're giving him permission, so object loud and clear! If he still ignores your wishes after you have made t very clear to him that this is a problem, you might want to reconsider whether he is worth being married to.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Agreed she should avoid/remove this friend but as one or two others mentioned, your husband's comments about the lack of sex should be addressed!

If you've read much on here you'd know that men connect emotionally with their wives through sex. Even if you have to schedule, just do it!

So whatif the dishes will be in the sink in the morning or the living room won't get vaccuumed? 

As the ad says JUST DO IT!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I had a friend like this in college. I just got engaged to my boyfriend of 2 years and I went away to school.

She was never "right" with him or I...weird comments, side remarks.

One day, i called him from 2 hours away and what do you know! She answered his phone! 

Yea. Turns out she made the move the moment I was out of town. He was a jerk and took her up on it. Engagement was called off and they were both called some things by me 

Point is, your gut is saying she's not right---- so listen.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i would never do this to my wife. way over the line

however, what i do wish my wife would do with me is tell me when i do something she doesnt like. i want to know because i dont ever intend to disrespect her. but there are times when i know i do and i wish she would snatch me up by the collar and tell me it better not happen again. my guess is your husband isnt totally aware of what a DB he is being. snatch him up and boot her out


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

fail said:


> I am married for over a year and a half now. I have a new friend who is so annoying when my husband is around. He doesn't find her attractive i am 100 percent sure on this but i find it agitating that he found it funny to throw me under the bus and* joke about us not having sex anymore*.
> 
> I talked to both of them today about how i feel about the sexual joking between them. S*he doesn't remember joking with him like th*at and he is offended that i brought up something old that we already discussed.


Why are you even hanging out with her? Why are you going to hang with her tomorrow? 

Cut her off.

She's not your friend. She does not respect you or your marriage. she prob wants on your husband. She knows full well what she did and her claiming amnesia is a big insult/stupid.

And how tf doe she know about your sex life with your husband?? (the bolded part above). Ew.


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## fail (Apr 21, 2012)

okeydokie said:


> i would never do this to my wife. way over the line
> 
> however, what i do wish my wife would do with me is tell me when i do something she doesnt like. i want to know because i dont ever intend to disrespect her. but there are times when i know i do and i wish she would snatch me up by the collar and tell me it better not happen again. my guess is your husband isnt totally aware of what a DB he is being. snatch him up and boot her out


You are right! he was taking a joke way too far and unitnentionally being a DB. I talked to both, it annoyed the piss out of me that she said she had no idea what i was talking about. but i figured it out too, the way she is. and she tries to one up on everything.  I don't want a negative friend. she now is no longer there and i feel relief. me and my hubby talked he understood after i got over my anger of it and explained in a way he could understand better. and saturday night instead of going out with the brat. we made love during the thunderstorm 

for those that thought of me as being mean for calling my hubs a pu55y. please understand i am on this board in a anon. way, i would never outright call him that because he isn't and it would be horrible. his actions on just laughing it off and letting her do this knowing i was starting to get annoyed was a pu55y movment. i think he should always be on my team, even on moments like those i never bad mouth or joke back in a mean way to him to anyone, because i have an emmence amount of respect. 

Thank you eeryone for the advice it meant a lot and also helped alot!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Easy fix to end his foolishness now and forever. Remind your husband of the humiliating stains he leaves in the laundry. Tell him the next time he reveals your embarrassing secrets in mixed company, you'll reach into your purse and whip out a baggie with a pair of his drawers. If he wants to air dirty laundry, you are happy to oblige.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

unbelievable said:


> Easy fix to end his foolishness now and forever. Remind your husband of the humiliating stains he leaves in the laundry. Tell him the next time he reveals your embarrassing secrets in mixed company, you'll reach into your purse and whip out a baggie with a pair of his drawers. If he wants to air dirty laundry, you are happy to oblige.


oh damn :rofl:


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Easy fix to end his foolishness now and forever. Remind your husband of the humiliating stains he leaves in the laundry. Tell him the next time he reveals your embarrassing secrets in mixed company, you'll reach into your purse and whip out a baggie with a pair of his drawers. If he wants to air dirty laundry, you are happy to oblige.


and what are you gonna do when the next time, he pulls out one of your used tampons or maxi pads?

Threatening your SO undermines your relationship. It makes it harder for you to communicate with each other.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

You need to dump this b!tch as your friend. She is poison and not a true friend. You shouldn't NEED to talk to her to tell her how to behave around a married man. This skank knows what she is doing and faking like she doesn't remember is so lame.

Put the boot to her azz, and have a glass of wine.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

endlessgrief said:


> You need to dump this b!tch as your friend. She is poison and not a true friend. You shouldn't NEED to talk to her to tell her how to behave around a married man. This skank knows what she is doing and faking like she doesn't remember is so lame.
> 
> Put the boot to her azz, and have a glass of wine.


I think that has already taken place.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

okeydokie said:


> i would never do this to my wife. way over the line
> 
> however, what i do wish my wife would do with me is tell me when i do something she doesnt like. i want to know because i dont ever intend to disrespect her. but there are times when i know i do and i wish she would snatch me up by the collar and tell me it better not happen again. my guess is your husband isnt totally aware of what a DB he is being. snatch him up and boot her out


This is a very good point. People don't stop and think about how their actions will have some impact on others when it is about things that seem minor, like friendship or joking around. The problem is that those who are not well-meaning will often use the lowered guards that result from friendship, closeness, congeniality, and humor to test the waters. It's pretty easy to get caught up in a moment in which people are just being teased playfully and it can be difficult to see where the lines are without a discussion. No one wants to be the "too serious" one (well, I don't mind being a stick in the mud, but most people do). The point is, people get carried away and don't think about things. I do think that the situation is serious, but because it's serious, you need to discuss it with him. At the core, it's a communication and intimacy issue. 

You want to be able to communicate with your partner about the things that matter to your relationship and you want to be able to feel safe, honored, and heard. Being liked by your spouse is important, but if you don't protect the relationship, it will fall apart. You have to tell him when he's crossed a line because you don't want to be on guard all the time, and you have know that he will respect your wishes when you're firm about it. If he refuses, then you have to reconsider your relationship. Intimacy is important and it must be guarded. He shouldn't be taking someone else's side over yours in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself. He shouldn't be dismissive when you tell him he is doing so. Don't be afraid to talk to him about it. Either he's clueless or he is a jerk; this is a good opportunity to find out which it is!


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> i would never do this to my wife. way over the line
> 
> however, what i do wish my wife would do with me is tell me when i do something she doesnt like. i want to know because i dont ever intend to disrespect her. but there are times when i know i do and i wish she would snatch me up by the collar and tell me it better not happen again. my guess is your husband isnt totally aware of what a DB he is being. snatch him up and boot her out


Years ago I was in charge of a public forum that my wife would be attending. My wife had mentioned to me that she thought that one of the speakers was a poor choice. Not anything against him but that the topic he was speaking about would likely be more appropriate at a different time. I thought she had a good point. The next morning I was joking with the speaker about what my wife had said. He smiled a bit and then in the meeting he called my wife out on it and thanked her (sarcastically) for having so much confidence in him. I could not believe he said it and I was uncomfortable. The crowd was chuckling and I thought this is not going to end well for me. It did not she was very hurt and embarrassed by this and I felt awful. Our relationship with the speaker and his family has never been the same (and that's ok). I learned an important lesson.

On the other hand my wife and I hosted a New Years party with mostly her bothers their childhood friends most of who I knew. There was one who I had never meet who continued to mock me and make fun of me all night. All night there was uncomfortable chuckling when he would make these statements. My wife however thought he was hilarious. It was the most humiliated I have ever been in my life. I could not believe that this was my wife. The next morning I called her on it and she said I was overreacting. I got nowhere with the conversation. The grudge is deep seated. One day I will see this a hole again and when I do he will get a piece of my mind. It will not be funny.


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