# Stressed Eric - My life so far...



## Stressed Eric (Apr 5, 2010)

In 2004 I married the woman who I adored, loved, cherished, oh she truly was everything I wanted and more. 

She was smart (Nurse degree trained) caring, focused, beautiful. I fell head over heels. So in order to live up to her ideals I returned to education and started nursing training. 

Bad things, strange, inexplicable things started to happen. We had to move because her job dictated. I had to leave Uni. I restarted in 2006, then, bad things happened, weird, inexplicable things.

She fell pregnant. Without a word of a lie, it destroyed me as she said I'd have to leave Uni to raise our child as her career meant more to her. So, I did.

A single income family is a very stressful entity, especially.with a new child, but every time I talked about returning to work she made noises of how it.would effect our child.

So, she nursed, I stayed at home.

Biggest mistake of my life.

She was caught having sex in her patients bathroom at work with a male nurse. Fallout was catastrophic.

I left her immediately. Went to stay with friends. Six weeks ago we met for a chat about final divorce being signed sealed and done. Here is what she said in the court.

"I always hated you. I hated your happy go lucky easy way with people, I hated your friends, family, and I see you (note, I see, not saw) as an Ill educated peasant to use as a doormat. I wanted to break you, but couldn't. I screwed Paul to have his baby, in a hope you'd commit suicide from grief. I never expected you to leave me. I just see you as scum, an unpaid baby sitter. Guess you got the last laugh as my careers destroyed.'

So, therapy for me. 11 years of psychological and emotional abuse with an aim to.cause my suicide. My divorce is done, I live on my own, and yes, it's lonely at times, scary at others, but after she said those very words in court, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.


Why do I share? Because this forum and its people gave me the strength to stand up, value myself, and walk away from a toxic life that was killing me slowly.

Thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stressed Eric (Apr 5, 2010)

So I learnt the hard way that there are people out there that will use money, children, infidelity or all three to break you mentally, physically and emotionally.

I am lucky, I see that, I got out alive and into therapy. 

Please, I'm begging you here, if this happens to you, and you don't think there is a way out, trust life and the world to show you that you deserve to be happy, deserve to be loved, because you are unique and you are worth more than the bread crumbs these people feed us with.

Thank you TAM, I lurk and read, but know without this forum I'd still be the person who was made to sleep under a table instead of a bed for two years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

What specifically are you doing to control your stress or is it gone now that you're divorced? Btw your ex sounded like a whacko. Dude
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Eric I hope your therapist demonstrated to you and with her own words that you married a social path....some one who has no feeling for anyone but her own.....her needs above everyone and everything. I am so glad you are away from her.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

She can say all the vile and hateful things about you that she wants. You have to consider the source. She is a vile, hateful person that is really worthless in the big picture. She's done nothing to distinguish herself, and demonstrated she's just a low-down sick and useless person.

So, if she finds you so hard to identify with, or different than her, I'd take that as a compliment.


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

Geeesh! 

So sorry for your experience. She sounds like a monster- of all the threads I've read here-- she sounds like the cruellest, most heartless, unfeeling, and narcissistic person….

She's not worthy to be the gum on the bottom of your shoe.

Glad you made it out alive and are healing.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Op sorry for the pain you are feeling

It is easy to focus on the negative. Try focusing on some positives. You have divorced an absolute witch. That is a win. 

stay as far away from her as you can. 

Finish your nursing degree if you can. Then post a picture of yourself at graduation.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Oh the hurtful things people say when they realize that the puppet has cut its strings and they can't control what they once thought was their own private domain where they were the puppet master. Some people are compelled to demonize and vilify to the extreme because looking honestly into themselves would destroy them.

My ex wife is diagnosed NPD, and some of the vitriol filled tirades she would unleash...dayum...I have no idea how any person could have that much energy to unleash, let alone function in life. It must be exhausting for them.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

More power to you Eric.

Glad you got out of alive.

Did you test your child's paternity? 

How is your selfish, nutty ex to coparent with??

HM


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

wow.

that's quite a story. iv'e heard a lot of stuff because i was on a BPD forum for about 3 years and there was some crazy bad stuff, but this is the worst I've heard.

glad you are out of that and healing.

i too was in a totally dysfunctional relationship that was abusive. but she was up and down, loving me one day and hating me the next.
she would tell me in one breath that i was the best man she ever met and happened to her, and the next she would taunt me and tell me
she would deny intimacy just because i wanted it.
she said some very cruel, spiteful, hateful things but not nearly as bad as your ex. that's plain pathological.

so i know where you're coming from and happy for you.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Stressed Eric said:


> "I always hated you. I hated your happy go lucky easy way with people, I hated your friends, family, and I see you (note, I see, not saw) as an Ill educated peasant to use as a doormat. I wanted to break you, but couldn't. I screwed Paul to have his baby, in a hope you'd commit suicide from grief. I never expected you to leave me. I just see you as scum, an unpaid baby sitter. Guess you got the last laugh as my careers destroyed.


I think these sociopathic comments underscore what we often try to tell BH's; particularly SAHD's.

Women lose respect for husband's who allow themselves to be doormats; who allow their wives to be the breadwinner (and who rugsweep the WW's affairs - fortunately you didn't). 

With that loss of respect comes a loss of attraction. Throw in a wife that has little or no morals and you're almost guaranteed that she will cheat.

Take this as a life lesson for your next relationship. But; you should take some solace in knowing that this despicable beeatch probably would have cheated on anybody.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Borderline personality?

Sounds like it.

Are you going to finish the nursing degree? Why not become carpenter or pick up some other trade that will not cause you to trigger.

DNA test your child.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

You should hold your head high. Her comments say more about herself then it does about you. She exposed herself as a $hItbag right in front of everyone.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Sir,
Thank you for sharing your story in hopes that others can glean hope and strength from it. Your ex is mentally unstable. Is the child you have yours or Paul's? If yours I implore you to give that child as stable a home as you possibly can when they are with you because what the child will get from your ex will be catastrophic to a developing life. The public statement she made should have been more than sufficient for any judge to award you custody with only supervised visitation from her. I wish you strength and good fortune.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Stressed Eric said:


> Here is what she said in the court.
> 
> "I always hated you. I hated your happy go lucky easy way with people, I hated your friends, family, and I see you (note, I see, not saw) as an Ill educated peasant to use as a doormat. I wanted to break you, but couldn't. I screwed Paul to have his baby, in a hope you'd commit suicide from grief. I never expected you to leave me. I just see you as scum, an unpaid baby sitter. Guess you got the last laugh as my careers destroyed.'_Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow. She said that in a courtroom? Before a judge? That's just bewildering to me. Everyone else is already saying it, but have you DNA tested the kid you've been raising? If the kid is yours, do everything you can to give your baby a great home. Regardless of whose kid it is, take her to the cleaners; demand alimony as you are a SAHD, child support if the kid is yours, go for the house and ask that she make payments on it--I've seen women get this in my neck of the woods--vehicles, anything and everything. Judges are less hostile to men in divorces than they were 20 years ago.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Stressed Eric said:


> So, therapy for me. 11 years of psychological and emotional abuse with an aim to.cause my suicide
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She sounds like the worst of the worst. If you can survive marriage and divorce with this person, the rest of your life will be a giant improvement.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Look at it from this point of view. You don't have to have someone like that in your life any longer. Let someone else have her and sooner or later they'll realize that what they got was what they scrape off their shoe at the dog park.


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## Stressed Eric (Apr 5, 2010)

What I never knew, didn't understand, was that there is a major support network ' out there' for people who suffer such abuse. 

I was homeless for months, lived in a hostel, and I found that people are really ready to bend over backwards to assist once they find out. My Doctor, my therapy unit, government agencies, they all sat back and said 'Nope, what ever it is you need to get back on your feet, we will do it.'

I have a new home now, starting absolutely fresh, bare bones but I can cope with that, so can my youngster. They are resilient little things kids, and although I don't have a lot they know they have utter unconditional love.

But above all, I have a bed to lay in, and a front door of my own. I learnt late, but I learnt well. No one, no one but no one has any right to treat a partner, spouse, any one, like they are a worthless piece of rubbish. I was made dependant on her by her cruel schemes. Now? Now I am free. 

Thank you people. It really is the words.of strangers that gave me the strength to come out from under the table and stand tall.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So the baby wasn't yours ? Was it Paul's?


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> So the baby wasn't yours ? Was it Paul's?


He mentioned still taking care of the kid. Not sure if he got tested.



Stressed Eric said:


> I have a new home now, starting absolutely fresh, bare bones but I can cope with that, so can my youngster. They are resilient little things kids, and although I don't have a lot they know they have utter unconditional love._Posted via Mobile Device_


Sooooo.... did you get a DNA test for your kid or not?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

nursejackie said:


> Geeesh!
> 
> So sorry for your experience. She sounds like a monster- of all the threads I've read here-- she sounds like the cruellest, most heartless, unfeeling, and narcissistic person….
> 
> ...


Yup, another dang narc; seems like these sickos multiply quite rapidly.

So glad you will be well. What about the child? Is it yours or not?

Bibi


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## Stressed Eric (Apr 5, 2010)

I have a positive paternity test. My wee one is mine, 100%.

The only good thing to come of the entire sorry debacle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Stressed Eric said:


> . . . She fell pregnant. Without a word of a lie, it destroyed me as she said I'd have to leave Uni to raise our child as her career meant more to her. So, I did.
> 
> A single income family is a very stressful entity, especially.with a new child, but every time I talked about returning to work she made noises of how it.would effect our child.
> 
> ...


Note to any man out there who is contemplating becoming a stay-at-home-dad: DON'T DO IT.

When you enter into a reversed-role relationship, you become financially and eventually emotionally dependent on a woman who, by virtue of the fact that she prefers you to stay home, has already demonstrated a propensity to put her needs ahead of yours. As time goes by, she will compare you to men who are good providers and, no matter what she says, she will judge you inferior.

And to all you SAHDs out there who are having marital problems, get out of the house and reenter the work force. Not only will it give you an immediate ego boost and increase your sexual market value, it will force your partner to reevaluate your worth and result in her having greater regard for you (even if she complains about your decision).

Millions of years of natural selection lie behind the female preference for strong males who protect and provide for them, and a few decades of feminist indoctrination has not changed this.

Despite what she says and even if it was her idea, no woman truly respects a man whom she supports financially. Ignore this fact at your peril.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

Stressed Eric said:


> I have a positive paternity test. My wee one is mine, 100%.
> 
> The only good thing to come of the entire sorry debacle.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well that is good that he is yours.

I would hate to have to see your exww for the kid exchange though.

but when you do the kid exchange always act happy and bubbly, that would probably get to her more then anything.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

carmen ohio said:


> Note to any man out there who is contemplating becoming a stay-at-home-dad: DON'T DO IT.
> 
> When you enter into a reversed-role relationship, you become financially and eventually emotionally dependent on a woman who, by virtue of the fact that she prefers you to stay home, has already demonstrated a propensity to put her needs ahead of yours. As time goes by, she will compare you to men who are good providers and, no matter what she says, she will judge you inferior.
> 
> ...


I agree with this 110%. For some reason SAHD's while they are great dads, just seem to lose their wife's respect. Once, a woman loses respect for her spouse , the marriage is over with done. It's a power struggle and when he is no longer the take charge guy, then, she is gone. I would not recommend even recommend women to stay at home. It just put everything on an unequal footing. 

This OP is so lucky he got away. That woman sounds like a batsh!t crazy 
nut case. So happy you are free....


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Stressed Eric said:


> I have a positive paternity test. My wee one is mine, 100%.
> 
> The only good thing to come of the entire sorry debacle.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


HUZZAH! So, did the divorce settlement end favorably? You've got primary custody, right?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Stressed Eric said:


> "I always hated you. I hated your happy go lucky easy way with people, I hated your friends, family, and I see you (note, I see, not saw) as an Ill educated peasant to use as a doormat. I wanted to break you, but couldn't. I screwed Paul to have his baby, in a hope you'd commit suicide from grief. I never expected you to leave me. I just see you as scum, an unpaid baby sitter. Guess you got the last laugh as my careers destroyed."


She sounds like an absolute delight! If there is a hell, Satan is going to personally escort her to the front of the line...



Stressed Eric said:


> So, therapy for me.


Understatement of the year...


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Get couple glasses of wine in this woman, and the truth would come out:

"You wanna know what I told him? Well, I'll tell ya, Buster. I told him that if he didn't hit the bricks, I was gonna start treating him just the way I deserve to be treated.

That's what I told him."


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

carmen ohio said:


> Note to any man out there who is contemplating becoming a stay-at-home-dad: DON'T DO IT.
> 
> When you enter into a reversed-role relationship, you become financially and eventually emotionally dependent on a woman who, by virtue of the fact that she prefers you to stay home, has already demonstrated a propensity to put her needs ahead of yours. As time goes by, she will compare you to men who are good providers and, no matter what she says, she will judge you inferior.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Q.F.T.


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## Stressed Eric (Apr 5, 2010)

carmen ohio said:


> Note to any man out there who is contemplating becoming a stay-at-home-dad: DON'T DO IT.
> 
> When you enter into a reversed-role relationship, you become financially and eventually emotionally dependent on a woman who, by virtue of the fact that she prefers you to stay home, has already demonstrated a propensity to put her needs ahead of yours. As time goes by, she will compare you to men who are good providers and, no matter what she says, she will judge you inferior.
> 
> ...


She screwed a male nurse. She did it because she saw me as sub human scum. Every time I tried to better myself, she 'whoops needed my support to gain further education and qualifications 'For the family.'

I ended up with nothing, no education, no qualifications, no way to support myself, and now....

The last laugh is mine. She now cannot support herself as she got caught in mid act in her patients bathroom, due to her instability I have full complete custody which means my rules, my iron clad set in stone rules, I have a nice new apartment, my wee one is with me, and she has the shame of being a laughing stock.

Her man soon tired of her and went crawling back to his wife, who funnily, got all the evidence I had delivered to her at work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

WOW!!!!!!!!!

That is just too perfect for words !!!!!


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Stressed Eric said:


> The last laugh is mine. She now cannot support herself as she got caught in mid act in her patients bathroom, due to her instability I have full complete custody which means my rules, my iron clad set in stone rules, I have a nice new apartment, my wee one is with me, and she has the shame of being a laughing stock.
> 
> Her man soon tired of her and went crawling back to his wife, who funnily, got all the evidence I had delivered to her at work.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This good sir, is the definition of an Epic Win. I'm so sorry you had to go through it, but damn if we all shouldn't be proud at how you ended it!


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

carmen ohio said:


> Note to any man out there who is contemplating becoming a stay-at-home-dad: DON'T DO IT.


Amen to that. It's probably the most wimpy thing a guy can do. Not only does the wife lose respect, so does everybody else. SAHD just look like dorks.


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## Stressed Eric (Apr 5, 2010)

Kivlor said:


> This good sir, is the definition of an Epic Win. I'm so sorry you had to go through it, but damn if we all shouldn't be proud at how you ended it!


I walked from the wreckage with nothing but honour, integrity and a desire to rise again.
I did, and with my Doctors have started to be the person I was once again. I lost a ***** and gained my self respect, dignity and mental / physical / spiritual well being again.

The irony is, I don't in any way have a suspicious nature, and if I meet some one new they'll get my full total commitment. I won't have the past tarnish my future.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

So what are you doing for work these days?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

I am so glad you got up, dusted off and are now in a much better place. What I am happiest about is that the better parent has full custody of the child. That is the best victory of all!

Congratulations!!!!

Bibi


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> Borderline personality?


Before I was officially diagnosed with HPD, I read "New Hope For People With Borderline Personality Disorder" (was trying to figure out if I had a Cluster B disorder, so I read as much material I could) and yes, I may have to agree as she clearly exhibits many of the traits associated with the disorder.

What she did to you Eric was exceptionally cruel, but here's the good news...You can cut her loose and get on with your life. Nobody needs a toxic person such as she in one's life. Best to you my friend.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Why do I feel like something is missing here? Is it my professional skepticism? Idk I'm a lil hesitant to break out the party hat/party favor and say "yay, chalk one up to the betrayed!" I can't explain this, it just is..oh well either way congrats Eric!

Dude
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

Stressed Eric said:


> I have a positive paternity test. My wee one is mine, 100%.
> 
> The only good thing to come of the entire sorry debacle.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Glad to hear that! I don't know if I would have the balls even to find out.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

ExiledBayStater said:


> Glad to hear that! I don't know if I would have the balls even to find out.


I'm glad he did. The child needed to be away from monster mom...eek!


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