# It has been over a year and confused of the outcome.



## SirFfluffums (Apr 5, 2012)

i am new to this so i appreatiate any insight in the matter. i was with my ex for 10 years since we was teens. we had been through plenty ups and downs in the relationship then one sunday she said she was leaving; that she was not in love with me anymore. a few day later she moved in with another man and has been with him over a year now. they bought a house together and she seems happy. but i am confused cause in that year she would still come around me for sex, and she calls me everyday before she goes to work and calls everyday after work, but of coarse never calls when she is with him. it hurt and i went through a bad depression and kinda still am depressed. i have not been able to move on, but at the same time she says she loves me and i still have her heart, but that she cant tell the future if we will ever be back together but that she hopes one day we will be back together. she says in the mean time she wants me to date and be happy so i am not lonely. i have missed her so much and when she calls or comes around we get along so well. but she says right now she cant see herself walking away from this other guy she has been with since we seperated. what do i do and am i wasting my time in hoping that i will get her back. we have 2 children together and it devastated them as well her walking away. but i do my weekends with them and sometimes she even shows up on a saturday for all of us to have a good day together. does it seem she will come back or do i need to just cut her off and not look back. it is killing me trying to just be friend to her but scared if i walk away i will never get her back. i really want my family back together and i am hoping desperatly that i will. sorry for so much writting but it has been driving my mind crazy and any feedback would be great.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You are a doormat and a cuckold.

Ever heard of changing your phone number and e-mail address?

Have you filed for divorce? 

Have you lost your damn mind? Why are you allowing her to do this to you?

My sweet lord in heaven.....:slap:


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

SirFfluffums said:


> .... then one sunday she said she was leaving; that she was not in love with me anymore. a few day later she moved in with another man and has been with him over a year now.


Ok first thing.
She was cheating on you.
Nobody has ever ended a long term relationship and moved in with another lover "days" after the break up without having been with the new lover for some time already.

This is a fact, she cheated and left you for a man she found better, more attractive.



> but i am confused cause in that year she would still come around me for sex, and she calls me everyday before she goes to work and calls everyday after work,


Now she`s cheating on him with you, you have become the other man.
She got away with cheating and is STILL able to have her cake and eat it too.
She`s impressive.

Stop communicating with her about anything other than the kids.
Move on with your life.

She`s a loser.

What I would do is sleep with her one more time and gain absolute proof she`s sleeping with me (Photo, recording whatever) and give it to her new boyfriend and let the **** fly.
I`m an ******* like that though.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Um.

She has no conscious.

She has no morals.

Why do you allow this?


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Oh God,Quit sweating like a sissy in a wh0re house and get rid of her.....no way
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SirFfluffums (Apr 5, 2012)

the dude is in no means more attractive and she knows he is not cause she say and i have seen him, almost went to prison cause of seeing him the first time. but a loss of our daughter had put her and me in depression for a couple years and we both kinda closed up on each other. she stayed in a depression and never looked for help. and now just says she is happy to a degree but when she figures herself out that she wants the family back. i have changed my number several times but she always gets it from someone. i have recently cut out the sex between the both of us and she was ok with that. and when i told her i was tired of just being a friend she said she didnt want me to walk away forever


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## SirFfluffums (Apr 5, 2012)

and please dont be rude about it. i am no sissy by no means and have no one to talk about it or get advice till i came across this site. she was the love of my life and i still love her with all my heart. dont want mean advice but helpful advice. i know i can walk away but dont want to regret the decision


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's not about what she wants.

Sorry about the loss of your daughter


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

SirFfluffums said:


> the dude is in no means more attractive and she knows he is not cause she say and i have seen him, almost went to prison cause of seeing him the first time.


You can say whatever you wish to make yourself feel better but the truth of the matter is that she found him so much more attractive than you that she left you for him.

Attraction does not reside solely in the physical.

You need to cut her out of your life, she`s poison.

She`s perfectly happy with the arrangement she has now.

HEY! For variety maybe she`ll agree to dump the new guy and move back in so she can start ****ing him behind your back again like she did before and she`s now doing with you.

That`d be fun huh?

Dump her.


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## SirFfluffums (Apr 5, 2012)

and i guess in a big way i want it to work so badly cause the kids always crying and asking me to fix things.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

SirFfluffums said:


> and i guess in a big way i want it to work so badly cause the kids always crying and asking me to fix things.


You can`t fix someone else.

The only person you will ever have control over is yourself.

Sometimes changing yourself is more than enough to get a positive reaction from someone you love.

Your child can`t understand what`s going on, I don`t think you really understand whats going on.

It`s sad but better in the long run for everyone if you simply end it with this woman who has no respect for you.


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## SirFfluffums (Apr 5, 2012)

yes i guess yall are correct; it hurt when she left and still does and kept me from meeting others and moving on.


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## nilokonyako (Feb 6, 2012)

SirFfluffums I can feel your pain. My wife and I have just separated for more than 2 months because I found out about her current affair and with this everything came to light the things she did during early years of our marriage. 

I tried and is still trying to be strong, but when we met yesterday, I was to give her support for our kids (although one was a result of her previous affair), and I can't help but show that I still care for/miss herr.

She says we can still be friends, and should do this for the kids but I can't help but act affected, sometimes jealous of things she's doing. I think somehow, a part of me, although knowing how poisonous she is, wants to reconcile.

I think the best thing to do in these situation if possible is to have absolutely NO CONTACT WITH THE WS. This is what I plan to do since I can't see her without acting like her husband again, which just hurts me and makes me more unattractive to her., the 180 i did in the past months laid to waste.

I will see her again when I know for myself that I WILL NOT CARE EVEN IF SHE FVCKED THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD.


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## SirFfluffums (Apr 5, 2012)

it is very hard.. but most the time she just showes up in the middle of the night and knocking on the door. she all the time bringing gifts to me and apologizing and saying she misses her best friend. in wich i feel i cant just be a friend even tho we get along great since we had seperated. i have not been in a relationship nor dated cause i wanted to work on myself through this year. and the other night she said she has thought about coming back several times. but that she just is not ready. wich im just going to have to bite the bullet and cut her out of my life


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Don't asnwer the door.

Dude. YOU can control what you do. She doesn't have you by a leash or a remote control.


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## SirFfluffums (Apr 5, 2012)

nilokonyako i totally understand. and even tho i cut the sex out, when she does show up and i dont act interested she still hugs tight and kisses and says she loves me. it hurts when she does that and its going hurt even worse when i tell her im moving on and not looking back. but i know if i dont i will be bitter forever


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She does not love you. 

A person who loves you would not emotionally abuse you like she has. 

She uses you for whatever reason she has in her twisted head. But I assure you it is not love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SirFfluffums (Apr 5, 2012)

ty you all for your insight. it is going to be hard for me to do. but i see i need to cut her off and move on to find happiness. just devote time for my children and i and hope all goes well with whomever i meet in the future


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## SirFfluffums (Apr 5, 2012)

wait one other ? and i know it is dumb. but later on down the line and she leaves the guy she is with and wants to to come back and work on the relationship and get the fam back together; should i consider it?


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## Jade68 (Apr 6, 2012)

Fluffy
I feel for you- my 24 yr marriage ended, he refuses to share assets, and we are preparing for an ugly court battle! He refuses to have contact with me or our son and my heart is in a million pieces. Moving on is a word i don't get right now. My depression led to treatment , medication, divorce support group and awareness of the man he has always been. Maybe a support group can help- look into it


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

"...later on down the line and she leaves the guy she is with and wants to to come back and work on the relationship and get the fam back together; should i consider it?"

In 2 words, HELL NO!

I have been lurking on this site for the last couple of weeks and was COMPELLED to register today just so I could answer you. This woman is USING you. You are her fall-back position. You are her ace-in-the-hole. You are her 'better than nothing' guy.

This woman does not love you. It is obvious to us (and do not doubt that it is obvious to HER) that you love her. She is using that against you.

She cheated on you with OM.
She cheated on OM with you (and God knows who else).
She is trying to stay in your good graces by dangling 'maybe in the future' in front of you so you'll stay interested. When she says 'when she figures herself out she'll want the family back' she is lying (or deluded). She wants to eat her cake and have it too. Not possible.

Do not believe for one minute that she will leave this man for you. If that were the case, she would have done it already at some point in the last year. I think she likes the house and the freedom to come and go that he gives her (since she obviously has freedom to come over and boink you! By the way, the boinking was called off by YOU, not by her. She obviously has NO moral concerns with being faithful to anyone.)

Have NO DOUBTS that if she comes back to you in the future and wants to 'work on the relationship and get the family back together' that what she really wants is someplace to live because he either (a) kicked her sorry, cheating ass out of his house when he found out what a skeezy snake she is, or (b) he has gotten tired of her and has moved on with some other woman and left her high-and-dry and homeless. I do NOT say this because you are un-lovable. Not at all true. I say this because she is a screwed-up USER who is only concerned with her own short-term happiness.

In the future, do NOT let her into your home again. Not even 'temporarily' while she gets on her feet. Not even for one night. Not even if it is pouring rain with lightning striking all around her and she is soaking wet and looking all pathetic. If she shows up wanting to 'reconcile' you can bet she just needs shelter, food, and utilities paid. Offer to take the kids in since she's homeless. Offer THEM love and shelter until she is back on her feet. But do NOT offer love or shelter to her; otherwise you'll be back on this forum in 6 weeks/6months/6years (however long it takes for her to start cheating on you AGAIN) with the same story and a re-broken heart.

You need to focus on YOU. Why do you want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with you, disrespects you, is untruthful, unfaithful, and incapable of being in a mature loving relationship? Don't YOU deserve better? I think so! And so does everyone else on this forum! You need to fix YOU. You cannot fix her; no-one can except her.

You need to focus on your children. Is this something they need to see? Their father is being played for a fool (but only if you allow it), their mother is acting like a selfish, immature tramp. Of course the children are suffering. The only way you can improve THEIR lives is to improve YOUR life and show them a better way of living, an honest way of living, a mature way of living.

You need to let go of her COMPLETELY. If you can afford counselling, get some. Even people with limited resources have options available through the government or religious institutions. I would not recommend that you get into another relationship until you work on your self-esteem issues for at least 6 months lest you fall into another unhealthy relationship because you haven't acknowledged what led you into this current one.

Good luck to you, Sir F. You have a long, hard path to travel, but in the end you WILL be a better man, a better father, and, hopefully sometime in the future, a better husband to a WOMAN (not a selfish woman-child) who appreciates the efforts you have made to live a strong healthy life for yourself and your children. In 2 years, you can make GREAT STRIDES for yourself and your children (and hopefully you will) whereas your ex will still be bouncing on her back from mattress to mattress wondering why her life doesn't work!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It sounds like your going to distance your self which is healthy. As far as taking her back, I suggest you get your self in a better place as an individual and do the emotional healing that you need to do. Once your are in that better place and you have distance your self from your ex then make that dicision.

You may find that she will not be willing to wait around and move on to another man. In fact I bet if you do some investigation you might find you are not her only midnight booty call. So at the very least before you take her back investigate her and seee exactly what you are getting back into.

Fix your self then fix/start a relationship.


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