# Asked her to move out, but she won't



## Brit (Jul 5, 2012)

Caught my ww having an EA; the communication has stopped with the OM, but I still want her out of the house. I need time away from her to think what I want. I haven't made a decision to file for D, I'm still not sure if I want to R. I owned the house before were married, the mortgage is in my name, not her. We have 2 kids, (4 and 6), I told her, you can drop the kids off at night and pick them up in the morning, or drop them off on the weekend, but you need to be gone. Any advice is appreciated.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Get a lawyer to inform you of your rights. Different countries/states have different laws.

I think that in most places, the house being yours and all you have the right to kick her out. But you really need some serious professional legal advise.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I don't think he has the right to kick her out if she's his legal wife.

But again, legal advice.

You're doing all this over an EA? Whoa-boy.


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## Monroe (Jun 21, 2012)

Talk to an attorney... if you cannot reach an attorney because it is the weekend, call the police and ask what you are legally allowed to do (although, I personally wouldn't do that with the kids around, just in case they decide to physically remove her).


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

lamaga said:


> You're doing all this over an EA? Whoa-boy.


I kicked my husband out of the house for what he did, which wasn't physical (yet). Not for lack of trying though. Just because something isn't physical doesn't mean it isn't as destructive.

And yeah, get legal advice.

Can you do an in-home separation in the meantime?


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## Brit (Jul 5, 2012)

Well this is #2, she had one about 2 years ago, I don't know if it went PA back then, but I had my doubts. We did MC after the first EA, and things were good, then we got into a rut again, and find she did again.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

lamaga said:


> I don't think he has the right to kick her out if she's his legal wife.
> 
> But again, legal advice.
> 
> You're doing all this over an EA? Whoa-boy.


I get the feeling this EA is the last drop that overfills the cup.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Brit said:


> Well this is #2, she had one about 2 years ago, I don't know if it went PA back then, but I had my doubts. We did MC after the first EA, and things were good, then we got into a rut again, and find she did again.


That's the spirit. You gave her a chance (i wouldn't) and she blew it. You have my full support. Power to you.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Typically you'll need an eviction notice if she has no legal claim to your house, conversely you must give her 30 days to find alternate residence (that's according to the law here)

Otherwise you should consult an attorney or a Citizen's Advice Bureau


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Brit said:


> Caught my ww having an EA; the communication has stopped with the OM, but I still want her out of the house. I need time away from her to think what I want. I haven't made a decision to file for D, I'm still not sure if I want to R. I owned the house before were married, the mortgage is in my name, not her. We have 2 kids, (4 and 6), I told her, you can drop the kids off at night and pick them up in the morning, or drop them off on the weekend, but you need to be gone. Any advice is appreciated.


Most states you can't kick them out no matter who owns the house without going throught the legal process. You can really get cross ways with the law if you physically force her out. They might even make you leave. Of course if you can talk her into it...............You need to git a VAR to record your convos with her in case she tries to accuse you of abuse.

Where is her affair partner? Was she claiming she loved him? What is she saying she wants? Has she gone to individual counseling?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

lamaga said:


> You're doing all this over an EA? Whoa-boy.


plus the simple fact that she is not respecting his request for space over this, if she were remorseful about her inappropriate behavior she would honor his request. So the fact she not only sought attention from another man after a boundary was already established, but then also won't take accountability for it... spells doom for their marriage. I hope she changes her attitude.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> What is she saying she wants?


That's important why?

She cheated once, was given a second chance, did it again, why on earth should her desires have weight in his decision?


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

I want to praise you for treating this situation with the proper amount of seriousness. You are sending a clear no sugar coated message wrapped in actions not words. Infidelity will not be tolerated.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Bandit.45, a regular here went through a situation similar to yours. PM him, or maybe he'll chimes in later.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Brit said:


> Caught my ww having an EA; the communication has stopped with the OM, but I still want her out of the house. I need time away from her to think what I want. I haven't made a decision to file for D, I'm still not sure if I want to R. I owned the house before were married, the mortgage is in my name, not her. We have 2 kids, (4 and 6), I told her, you can drop the kids off at night and pick them up in the morning, or drop them off on the weekend, but you need to be gone. Any advice is appreciated.


So what do you think she would do if you started boxing her stuff up? 

As others have said, you might want to get legal advise. Although the house is in your name, you are married with children. It may be in her mind to get you out of the house for a (legal) period of time to raise the children without you. Ownership doesn't factor in here. The Court can allow the mother to stay in the "marital" home with the children for a fixed period of time. She may be aware of this. However, if you lawyer-up first, perhaps he/she could advise you on how to make staying in the home "uncomfortable" for her.

I gave my WH the same option, Like you, I told him I needed space. He too refused to leave, so I did. Difference is that our children are grown, and both of us own the house. Eventually he'll have to buy me out or sell the home, but I was able to move on.


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## Brit (Jul 5, 2012)

I just want to say thank you to all you replied. I guess my message finally got to her. She's been staying at her mother's house or her best friend's place since Wednesday. I had the kids over the weekend and spent quality time with them. Me and the WW haven't really talked much about the EA; I'm still not ready to make a decision if I want the marriage to end or not. I guess time will tell.....


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

How did you find about this EA? Who is the OM?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Yes, need more details. Is OM a coworker, old boyfriend, someone she met at a bar, etc? How do you know this EA hasn't gone PA? It doesn't matter how far apart they are, it can go PA.

Lawyer up and see what your options are. You should be able to kick her out of the house, but your lawyer should be able to inform you about the local family laws there.


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## Brit (Jul 5, 2012)

Her phone # is under my account with AT&T, started noticing 100's of text messages to this one #. I confronted her about it a few Monday's ago, and ask to see her phone. I opened her message, and wow all of them deleted. However, I am in IT and have a few tricks up my sleeve. A few days later, I woke up early, before she was awake, and took her phone to work. Granted I did leave her with a 1 month pre-paid phone for communication, since she is the mother of my kids. Was able to get majority of the deleted texts off it. Long story short, all I know he's a old friend. I told her later on that day, you can text, talk, sex-text all you want we whoever you want, I don't have the ability to check new phone records, I don't care anymore,,, I'm done with you....


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

An eviction notice should do the trick, since the house isn't in her name and since its a property you acquired prior to marriage.

And since you're in the IT, it would be really helpful for a lot of BS if you could share some of your methods


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## Brit (Jul 5, 2012)

well the W sent me a text today, "Can u Please send me ur monthly gross/net income and how much u pay for the girls insurance". 

I wrote back, "When your done completing your divorce papers, just give me a copy and I'll give them to my lawyer." 

and of course there were a few more texts between us after that. 

The funny thing about this whole thing, even though she did wrong, she has tried her hardest to turn it all around on me, that my issues or problems are the cause of the breakup of the marriage, or it's both our faults. I know we all have our ups and downs, we are not all perfect, but I'm working on my issues; I haven't heard one damn thing from her, about her changing her ways.


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