# Had enough



## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

It's been 15 months since my wife announced there was someone else and moved out. I've been in counselling ever since. Trouble is I simply cannot move on with my life. I still love her, in spite of the betrayal. I'm lonely and I can't find anyone to share my life with. It's been over a year since I had so much as a hug from a woman. I can't sleep through the night. I worry about my health...the last thing I need is a heart attack.... finances, my children. I think I'm a good person. I'm know I'm a good parent. Why do women hate me? What did I do to deserve this loneliness? I know people here don't know me and cant provide the answers, but if I didn't ask the question I'd go crazy. I'm just tired of this unhappness. I'm tired of getting up in the morning. I'm just tired. I sometmes think I'd like to just go to sleep and not wake up.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Even though this won't help at the moment, the right person for you is out there and maybe it's not meant to be that you find her yet. If you found her now maybe it wouldn't work out because you aren't completely over your XW?? Things will begin to happen for you, you just need to develop a more positive attitude and have faith that things will work out in the end.


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## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

I know it doesn't help but I know exactly how you feel. I haven't written anything on this board for a long time because I see people come and go, finding closure, moving on with their lives and I don't feel like that after a year and a half. The only thing I can think of is like with injury and illness - some people heal faster than others. 

I still think of my ex everyday, eventhough I've heard nothing from him since Feb. I would take him back tomorrow if he appeared on the doorstep (part of me still hopes he will - even after all this time). 

Part of my problem is that I was never a very confident person anyway and this betrayal has shaken any confidence I did have. I wonder how anyone will ever find me attractive/interesting again and if they did how could I trust anyone after what my ex did. 

It is tiring, it is unfair and if thats how you feel say it. I think we spend so much of our energy being brave and noble its is draining. Like you at the moment I don't feel like I'm living, I feel like I'm existing and I think it has to be fine to say that. 'I'm sorry I'm not over things yet and I need to grieve more'. People want you to get over things and they are doing it for the right reasons but it means you tend to put on a mask to make people think you are doing better than you are (or maybe thats just me). 

The only thing I can hope is that this is a time of transition - a time to take a timeout, lick your wounds and get strong again. It will take as long as it takes. It is lonely and it is hard but one way or another it will pass and will change - one way or another it has to. Just as good times can pass so can bad times - we are on the downward track of the rollercoaster but it will rise again at some point or at least even out.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

My heart goes out to you.

Sorry to hear of what happened.

This takes time. THe old cliche...TIME and no contact.

Have you filed for divorce? If not, do it. 

Accept that it is over. You are still grieving. We all go at our own pace.

Get outside, get some sunlight, exercise, eat healthy, pick up a new hobby, try out some therapy, individual counselling to discuss what happened, to sort through your feelings. Figure out what you did that contributed to your half of the marriage breakdown. Figure out what she did and commit to not repeating those things again. 

Try a new food, pick up a new interest, smile at a pretty woman.

You may be suffering from depression so you may want to see a doctor about that. 

You will come out even better and stronger on the other side.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Do you have a friend who can help you? 

You do seem like a nice fellow. You also made it very easy for your ex W to manipulate you. She was easily able to keep you around as her plan B. 

When you are around new women you will do better if you can:
1. Keep any conversation about your Ex to a bare minimum. As in "we separated 15 months ago and are formally divorcing now."
If asked you can say it was her idea, you really should not talk about the infidelity or anything else. The only thing you want to emphasize is that you have reached acceptance and now WANT to move on. 
2. Suppress the sadness from your marital failure and at least ACT light hearted and be fun to be around. 

Until you do 1 and 2, you are going to come across as damaged goods. 




KRinOnt said:


> It's been 15 months since my wife announced there was someone else and moved out. I've been in counselling ever since. Trouble is I simply cannot move on with my life. I still love her, in spite of the betrayal. I'm lonely and I can't find anyone to share my life with. It's been over a year since I had so much as a hug from a woman. I can't sleep through the night. I worry about my health...the last thing I need is a heart attack.... finances, my children. I think I'm a good person. I'm know I'm a good parent. Why do women hate me? What did I do to deserve this loneliness? I know people here don't know me and cant provide the answers, but if I didn't ask the question I'd go crazy. I'm just tired of this unhappness. I'm tired of getting up in the morning. I'm just tired. I sometmes think I'd like to just go to sleep and not wake up.


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