# Wife won't stop texting a other man



## LostinSA

Ok i know threads like this are on here over and over but here we go:

Wife was texting a male co-worker/ "friend" for over a year. Some days it was 10-20 messages some days its was 100's. Because her account is linked to our tablet i can see all messages. The conveesations were reltivatly innocent, although if you were to check her phone she erases all evidence of the conversatikns each day before leaving work.

One day she asked to meet him for linch the following day. When that day came she texted me and said she was heading out for lunch with the "girls". I told her i happened to be in the area and maybe we coukd meet for lunch instead. She agreed...then i told her i would not be able to make it and i apologised for messing up her lunch scbedule with her friends. Pf course it was no problem and she opted to eat lunch in the car. However through text it was clear that her and the other guy did in fact meet for lunch. I confront her next day. I dont let her know i can see ber texts, instead i tell her i checked her phone. She tells me yes they were supposed to meet but she cancled( a lie). Then tells me i set her up. That i invaded her privacy by checking her phone. That she only lied because i always get mad and never understand.

Fast forward a year. The two continue to text daily. She has now turned in her notice at that job for another oppurtunity. During her last week her and guy friend get called to the HR office. An employee had reported to HR that they felt there was an inapproiate relationship between the two of them that should be addressed. I find this suspicous but looking at there texts i see no proof of anything more then flirting and attention seeking. I choose not to show my hand. Over the next few days the messaging became nearly constant. At one point we were out to dinner and the club with friends and everytime i left the area she would text him a "hey hows it going" or a "what cha up to". In fact she even texted him (hes married btw) at 1:00 in the morning just to tease him about something he had said earlier in the day. SO i get fed up amd i call her on it. I dont reveal i can read her messages i just make it seem as of i checked the numbers on the bill. She at first denys texting him in any way, then changes to he texted me first, then followed that with dragging up my past mistakes. The following day she tells me. She thinks we sgould make an agreement. My friends should be guys and ber friends should be girls. She emails him and tells him her husband did not approve of the texting and she can no longer talk to him.

Keep in mind....it was her who decided that we should not have friends of the oppisite sex. In fact she said she put herself in ny shoes and deceded she would not be ok if i were doing the same thing.

One month goes by.....she texted him again. Hey are you mad at me? There was some back and forth eventually she explained her reason for cutting off communication. He asked her if them texting would cause a problem. She told him no. They have exchanged over 200 messages in the tgree days theve been talking. Always to be erased at the end. 

I dont know what to do. I dont know what it means. If i bring it up it WILL become a fight. She WILL accuse me of never trusting her. Am i just being a d**k here? Where do i draw the line? Should i tell her i can read her messages? I just dont know. But i know its bothering me.


----------



## Evinrude58

You are inexplicably naive to let this go in so long. Tell the man's wife and show her the numbers of texts. Let the man's wife do what you are too weak to do.

You should: Serve her with papers. Rock her world and show her you're not sharing her with another man. You can always cancel the divorce. But don't do it if you're it willing to follow through. You should be.
It's not unlikely that she is so infatuated with this guy and has lost so many feelings for you, she'll welcome a divorce. Do NOT ever ageee to a separation. That's just so she can do him and not worry about getting
Caught.


----------



## LostinSA

Dude......thanks for your reply. I failed to mention 18 years married with a son. And your right....what i lack is courage. I mean there not saying anything inapproiate. Just talking about stuff....and the occasional pet name. Like highschool kids. But they lies have always been pretty much constant.


----------



## SunCMars

This one, your wife.

Her eyes are wide open, she can see the storm coming, with her skin, her nose, she can feel this pickup in the Wayward Wind.

And yet she goes outside the boundaries of marriage, without a stitch of protection. Protection against man-burn.

So powerful is that 'little man in her boat', that little imp who steers her to the rocks. To the rocks, where her marital boat will surely be torn to pieces and sunk.

She tried No Contact, she did. But this was to throw you off the trail. She knows you have a scentful snout, and knows it will soon be ever more resentful.

Yet, she persists. The selfish wench cares not a lick or a kiss for thy.

For her boat is also in the fog, the horns are blaring for her to Avast, to drop anchor. To hold her position before it is rent, torn into oblivion.

The other man, this POSOM has a hold on places that no man save a husband should see, let alone touch, stroke.

Stroke with words, stroke with what men wave proudly.

My Advice:

My advice is simple. I would visit this man at supper, ring the door. If the wife answers the door, fill her in.
If it is POSOM kick up a fuss. Tell him to leave your wife alone. 
So loud the neighbors would hear.

Now, that will take care of him, it will.

On taking care of her, I would serve her.
Serve her iced Tea, using the Divorce papers as a venom laced doily.


----------



## Evinrude58

It does take courage. I am not claiming I have it. 
I'm divorced. At least partially because I wasn't strong enough to show my ex the door immediately. Never look back.

If I had, she'd have seen the man she was losing, not the weak imposter that I allowed myself to be reduced to.

I urge you to let the OM wife know, are rd with texts.

Nuke it.


----------



## ConanHub

I would personally have papers drawn up and sit her down to discuss the division of assets while exposing to her family and mine at the same time I am doing everything to embarrass and shake up asshat's life for going after my wife.


----------



## anchorwatch

How many of you are there out there?

@LostinSA

For your self-respect. For your family. Man, reach down and find your courage. I assure you no matter what happens if you stand up you will be okay. It may not seem so in this moment of confusion, but you will be okay. Take charge of your life. 

They are not just friends. Don't be fooled and don't be gaslighted by them. 

Here, see for yourself... NOT "Just Friends"

Personal boundaries are part of a strong relationship, they keep you off a slippery slope. Boundaries in Marriage. 

You don't want to share your wife with another man. Do you?


----------



## Spicy

There is no telling what all these two have done while working together. 
Anything and everything they wanted I’m sure...It was so bad (and they were dumb enough) that they even got reported and she probably got forced to leave her position. Gross.

She gone dude, sorry. Let him have her.


----------



## SunCMars

Spicy said:


> There is no telling what all these two have done while working together.
> Anything and everything they wanted I’m sure...It was so bad (and they were dumb enough) that they even got reported and she probably got forced to leave her position. Gross.
> 
> She gone dude, sorry. Let him have her.


Let her have the ashes.
After POSOMS dear wife, sets his flagrant tongue flapper, his BS swagger butt, ablaze.
I agree, it was egregious tongue slather wagging, hip bumping, laughing and horse play at work. Among, with, these two.
Oh, and the work did suffer, not getting done. That was the real reason, not the one told to HR.


----------



## Openminded

She's going to continue because she hasn't had to face consequences for her actions. Make sure she does or else give up and accept that there will be three of you in your marriage.


----------



## Marc878

You've accepted this so now you get to live with it or take action rather than worthless talk


----------



## Roselyn

OP, career woman here, 59 years old, & 37 years married. When HR calls you in the office for an inappropriate relationship in the workplace, these two are having an affair! Wake up guy! Let the Other Man's Wife know what is happening. Your wife is defying you. She is having an affair!


----------



## SunCMars

Roselyn said:


> OP, career woman here, 59 years old, & 37 years married. When HR calls you in the office for an inappropriate relationship in the workplace, these two are having an affair! Wake up guy! Let the Other Man's Wife know what is happening. Your wife is defying you. She is having an affair!


Sorry, Roselyn.....

I was going to say you did a typo by writing defying, should have been defiling.

But that is splitting hairs on OP's WW's thinly veiled lies.

And both words and more apply.

Apply, generously.


----------



## SunCMars

Here's the thing...

People fall out of love and in love. It happens.

What makes this tale so salacious and heart wrenching is that this wife is being deceitful and sneaky.
Why not just divorce her husband. And then start catting around?
Why play with his heart? 
Play with it and then stomp on it.

Totally unnecessary.


----------



## TaDor

My wife has also been texting and guys and we are officially broken up just recently.

Here are things to do they are simple.

Tell his wife what he is doing.
Firstly call the man out and tell him what he is doing. 
File for divorce and have her served.

This has been going on for a year. This means they have been having sex For most of that time.

I am surprised you've been so quiet about it for so long. I called this stuff out on my wife after a couple of days of inappropriate texts and voice recordings.

Serve her the papers, maybe at work. If she wants to stay with you she will fight to stay in the marriage. Most likely your wife will say "okay let's break up".

This will save you a lot of time. It will hurt.


----------



## stillthinking

Ok so....



> An employee had reported to HR that they felt there was an inappropriate relationship between the two of them that should be addressed.


And your thinking on that event is this....


> I find this suspicious but looking at there texts i see no proof of anything more then flirting and attention seeking.


Ok it would appear you are in a serious BS fog. So be warned. Some tough love coming your way.

The employee who reported them to HR did not do so based off reading the texts between them. The employee reported them because he/she (and probably others) at work witnessed BEHAVIOR that was inappropriate. Understand that. Read it again. 

The texts are not a Rosetta Stone that will allow you to interpret everything they are doing or have done. 

Now think about what kind of behavior her co-workers witnessed that was blatant enough to get them reported to HR. Let you mind ruminate on that for a bit. Getting angry yet?

So you have confronted her about her texting before. 

Do you think she might be smart enough to leave salacious details out of her texting conservation? 

Do you think she could have told her boyfriend "Hey my husband has been complaining about our texting. So do not refer to details about what we are doing in any text. We don't want to tip him off that there is more going on."?

Stop trying to get her to stop. She won't. What she is getting from this guy (emotionally and/or physically) is more important to her than you or your feelings. Accept the reality of that. Her actions have proven this.

There are lots of specific things you could do. But before that you must make the most important decision. You have two options going forward.

1. Accept the situation. Turn a blind eye. Continue in a one-sided open marriage. Look up the term Cuckold and proceed accordingly.

2. Do not accept the situation. Reclaim your self respect. Show her (not tell her) you are not putting up with her crap any longer.

I really hope you go with #2. Then without warning expose to the OM's wife. Having her served D papers at work on the same day is also effective. Sounds dramatic doesn't it? Maybe a bit over the top?

Well lets dissect that for a moment. Lets say there really is nothing going on. It's all just a low grade emotional affair. No kissing or screwing. OMG....and you filed for divorce over that? What kind of a mad man are you? 

The kind that does not take any ****, that kind of mad man. 

If it is just emotional she will get scared. Why? Because the cake eating days are over. Because she will realize that you are serious, and she could lose her marriage over a "friendship" It tells her you are in control. It will make her think twice before pulling a stunt like this in the future. She will know that you are ok with leaving. That the days of her manipulating and calling the shots are over. 

Or she will leave for her lover, in which case it was going to happen anyway and you just sped up the process. Giving you a head start on finding a better woman. And there are lots of them out there.


----------



## Cynthia

I think you are missing something important here: You do not have to justify your boundaries to your wife, you do not need proof, you do not need to show proof of adultery in order to take a stand.

#1 - Do not show your wife the texts. Do not let her know that you got the information from your wireless service company. She has not earned your trust for that kind of transparency at this time. Transparency is for those who have each other's backs.

I would not say that you should serve her papers, but I do think that you should figure out the number of texts per month that these two have between them and any phone calls. 

Make an appointment with an attorney and find out what the situation would be if you were to divorce.

Buy a book on divorce in your state and have it delivered to your house. Don't worry if your wife opens it.

Once you have your ducks in a row, confront your wife and tell her that you are no longer going to tolerate her having a relationship with another man. It doesn't matter if she hasn't physically cheated. The point is that she is disrespecting you, your marriage, and your family and you are not going to tolerate it.

Contact OM's wife and let her know the number of texts and calls that are between the two. Do not warn your wife about this. Do not utter a word. This has to be a complete surprise for everyone. OM is going to try to spin it to his wife. Make sure she also knows that the two of them got into trouble misconduct concerning their relationship at work. His wife may not be aware of this.

You have to be willing to divorce if you have any chance of resolving this, because you have to set a hard boundary. If you aren't willing to set a hard boundary, she will continue to do whatever she wants and to gaslight you about the communication between them.

If your wife hasn't had a sexual relationship with this man already, it is headed in that direction. You know that she is hiding it from you and that she can't seem to stay away from him. This is not a good sign and will only get worse if you don't do something to stop it.

Depending upon the situation, you might also consider confronting the OM and telling him to leave your wife alone. That can be dangerous so use discernment as to whether or not that would be a good idea. You don't want to get shot, you don't want to get involved in a physical altercation with someone who's going to put you in the hospital, and you don't want to end up in jail. If you are positive that you can avoid all of these scenarios, it might be a good idea to tell him to back the hell off and to not bother your family again.


----------



## chillymorn69

Shes cheating

Time to see a lawyer.


----------



## Evinrude58

stillthinking said:


> Ok so....
> 
> 
> 
> And your thinking on that event is this....
> 
> 
> Ok it would appear you are in a serious BS fog. So be warned. Some tough love coming your way.
> 
> The employee who reported them to HR did not do so based off reading the texts between them. The employee reported them because he/she (and probably others) at work witnessed BEHAVIOR that was inappropriate. Understand that. Read it again.
> 
> The texts are not a Rosetta Stone that will allow you to interpret everything they are doing or have done.
> 
> Now think about what kind of behavior her co-workers witnessed that was blatant enough to get them reported to HR. Let you mind ruminate on that for a bit. Getting angry yet?
> 
> So you have confronted her about her texting before.
> 
> Do you think she might be smart enough to leave salacious details out of her texting conservation?
> 
> Do you think she could have told her boyfriend "Hey my husband has been complaining about our texting. So do not refer to details about what we are doing in any text. We don't want to tip him off that there is more going on."?
> 
> Stop trying to get her to stop. She won't. What she is getting from this guy (emotionally and/or physically) is more important to her than you or your feelings. Accept the reality of that. Her actions have proven this.
> 
> There are lots of specific things you could do. But before that you must make the most important decision. You have two options going forward.
> 
> 1. Accept the situation. Turn a blind eye. Continue in a one-sided open marriage. Look up the term Cuckold and proceed accordingly.
> 
> 2. Do not accept the situation. Reclaim your self respect. Show her (not tell her) you are not putting up with her crap any longer.
> 
> I really hope you go with #2. Then without warning expose to the OM's wife. Having her served D papers at work on the same day is also effective. Sounds dramatic doesn't it? Maybe a bit over the top?
> 
> Well lets dissect that for a moment. Lets say there really is nothing going on. It's all just a low grade emotional affair. No kissing or screwing. OMG....and you filed for divorce over that? What kind of a mad man are you?
> 
> The kind that does not take any ****, that kind of mad man.
> 
> If it is just emotional she will get scared. Why? Because the cake eating days are over. Because she will realize that you are serious, and she could lose her marriage over a "friendship" It tells her you are in control. It will make her think twice before pulling a stunt like this in the future. She will know that you are ok with leaving. That the days of her manipulating and calling the shots are over.
> 
> Or she will leave for her lover, in which case it was going to happen anyway and you just sped up the process. Giving you a head start on finding a better woman. And there are lots of them out there.


Mmmmm, a heavy shot of Yyyyeeepppp on this pist


----------



## aine

LostinSA said:


> Ok i know threads like this are on here over and over but here we go:
> 
> Wife was texting a male co-worker/ "friend" for over a year. Some days it was 10-20 messages some days its was 100's. Because her account is linked to our tablet i can see all messages. The conveesations were reltivatly innocent, although if you were to check her phone she erases all evidence of the conversatikns each day before leaving work.
> 
> One day she asked to meet him for linch the following day. When that day came she texted me and said she was heading out for lunch with the "girls". I told her i happened to be in the area and maybe we coukd meet for lunch instead. She agreed...then i told her i would not be able to make it and i apologised for messing up her lunch scbedule with her friends. Pf course it was no problem and she opted to eat lunch in the car. However through text it was clear that her and the other guy did in fact meet for lunch. I confront her next day. I dont let her know i can see ber texts, instead i tell her i checked her phone. She tells me yes they were supposed to meet but she cancled( a lie). Then tells me i set her up. That i invaded her privacy by checking her phone. That she only lied because i always get mad and never understand.
> 
> Fast forward a year. The two continue to text daily. She has now turned in her notice at that job for another oppurtunity. During her last week her and guy friend get called to the HR office. An employee had reported to HR that they felt there was an inapproiate relationship between the two of them that should be addressed. I find this suspicous but looking at there texts i see no proof of anything more then flirting and attention seeking. I choose not to show my hand. Over the next few days the messaging became nearly constant. At one point we were out to dinner and the club with friends and everytime i left the area she would text him a "hey hows it going" or a "what cha up to". In fact she even texted him (hes married btw) at 1:00 in the morning just to tease him about something he had said earlier in the day. SO i get fed up amd i call her on it. I dont reveal i can read her messages i just make it seem as of i checked the numbers on the bill. She at first denys texting him in any way, then changes to he texted me first, then followed that with dragging up my past mistakes. The following day she tells me. She thinks we sgould make an agreement. My friends should be guys and ber friends should be girls. She emails him and tells him her husband did not approve of the texting and she can no longer talk to him.
> 
> Keep in mind....it was her who decided that we should not have friends of the oppisite sex. In fact she said she put herself in ny shoes and deceded she would not be ok if i were doing the same thing.
> 
> One month goes by.....she texted him again. Hey are you mad at me? There was some back and forth eventually she explained her reason for cutting off communication. He asked her if them texting would cause a problem. She told him no. They have exchanged over 200 messages in the tgree days theve been talking. Always to be erased at the end.
> 
> I dont know what to do. I dont know what it means. If i bring it up it WILL become a fight. She WILL accuse me of never trusting her. Am i just being a d**k here? Where do i draw the line? Should i tell her i can read her messages? I just dont know. But i know its bothering me.



Oh come on, you have been monitoring her for so long, even putting her on notice that you are keeping an eye on her. Stop it, man up and pull the plug! She is disrespecting you and you are letting it happen.

Tell her if she contacts him or any man again and sends 200 messages in 3 days to any male (other than you, your sons or her father) then this is stepping over a boundary. This you will not accept. She can have a divorce if that is what she wants, but she will not have you and this kind of communication with OM. Then follow through. Go to a lawyer get papers drawn up to show you mean business, tell her you will have no qualms filing them and finding a woman who has enough respect for you to not do what she is doing.

Women appreciate real men who have enough respect for themselves to have boundaries.


----------



## Rick Blaine

You let this go on far too long. Big mistake. Learn from it and let your wife know that you will divorce her if she doesn't end contact for life with this other man. Tell that her that if happens again with him or any other man you will file. Make her call him and make her tell him it's over. Then before she hangs up you get on the phone and tell him yourself to stay away from your wife. Be strong and forceful. After that call his wife and inform her about what has been going no on. Be clear that they have had a physical affair. That's what this is.

Lay down the law or continue to be ran over and emasculated.


----------



## sokillme

LostinSA said:


> Ok i know threads like this are on here over and over but here we go:
> 
> Wife was texting a male co-worker/ "friend" for over a year. Some days it was 10-20 messages some days its was 100's. Because her account is linked to our tablet i can see all messages. The conveesations were reltivatly innocent, although if you were to check her phone she erases all evidence of the conversatikns each day before leaving work.
> 
> One day she asked to meet him for linch the following day. When that day came she texted me and said she was heading out for lunch with the "girls". I told her i happened to be in the area and maybe we coukd meet for lunch instead. She agreed...then i told her i would not be able to make it and i apologised for messing up her lunch scbedule with her friends. Pf course it was no problem and she opted to eat lunch in the car. However through text it was clear that her and the other guy did in fact meet for lunch. I confront her next day. I dont let her know i can see ber texts, instead i tell her i checked her phone. She tells me yes they were supposed to meet but she cancled( a lie). Then tells me i set her up. That i invaded her privacy by checking her phone. That she only lied because i always get mad and never understand.
> 
> Fast forward a year. The two continue to text daily. She has now turned in her notice at that job for another oppurtunity. During her last week her and guy friend get called to the HR office. An employee had reported to HR that they felt there was an inapproiate relationship between the two of them that should be addressed. I find this suspicous but looking at there texts i see no proof of anything more then flirting and attention seeking. I choose not to show my hand. Over the next few days the messaging became nearly constant. At one point we were out to dinner and the club with friends and everytime i left the area she would text him a "hey hows it going" or a "what cha up to". In fact she even texted him (hes married btw) at 1:00 in the morning just to tease him about something he had said earlier in the day. SO i get fed up amd i call her on it. I dont reveal i can read her messages i just make it seem as of i checked the numbers on the bill. She at first denys texting him in any way, then changes to he texted me first, then followed that with dragging up my past mistakes. The following day she tells me. She thinks we sgould make an agreement. My friends should be guys and ber friends should be girls. She emails him and tells him her husband did not approve of the texting and she can no longer talk to him.
> 
> Keep in mind....it was her who decided that we should not have friends of the oppisite sex. In fact she said she put herself in ny shoes and deceded she would not be ok if i were doing the same thing.
> 
> One month goes by.....she texted him again. Hey are you mad at me? There was some back and forth eventually she explained her reason for cutting off communication. He asked her if them texting would cause a problem. She told him no. They have exchanged over 200 messages in the tgree days theve been talking. Always to be erased at the end.
> 
> I dont know what to do. I dont know what it means. If i bring it up it WILL become a fight. She WILL accuse me of never trusting her. Am i just being a d**k here? Where do i draw the line? Should i tell her i can read her messages? I just dont know. But i know its bothering me.


You don't know what do??? Your wife continued to lie to you and had an emotional affair. I can think of a lot to do. Probably divorce would be high on my list.


----------



## smi11ie

She and this other man are manipulating and controlling you with their secret relationship. They are only empowered because nobody knows. Start shaking trees...call his wife. She has shown you that she won't deal with you directly so you must bypass her and end this yourself. Don't give anyone a hint of your plan. Just strike a blow against a couple of cheaters.


----------



## Malaise

chillymorn69 said:


> Shes cheating
> 
> Time to see a lawyer.


Yep.


----------



## thedope

They more than likely had sex and are smart enough not to leave any trace of it. The best thing you could do is send evidence to the other dudes wife about how much they text. Your wife is going TJ get super mad about it because she's in love with the other guy. But do it anyway. If she goes ballistic you'll know she's cheating. 

Just because you were a coward. Doesn't mean you always will be one. I give you credit for posting here, that took some bravery. You knew before you posted what the responses were going to be, yet you posted anyway. I have faith you will handle this. Do you really want to continue to live in the status quo? If not you need to share the info with his wife, don't tell your wife first.


----------



## scaredlion

The texting you describe does appear to be just text between friends. But, sometimes a person needs a dose of their own medicine. Just in a conversation, tell your wife that a female friend, you knew before you met her, saw you and reconnected and has started texting you everyday for the past week or so. Tell her you deleted the text. That since you two agreed to only have friends of your sex that you wanted her to know. If she objects to this texting that is when you tell her that the phone records show she has been texting her male friend again so why is she objecting to you texting your female friend. On the other hand, if she agrees to you texting your female friend, so she can continue her male friend, then you have a red flag that might need looking into. I was once in the business of creating deceptions. When you plan them right, they work. I do wish you well.


----------



## smi11ie

Go straight to his wife. She will cause the biggest stink and it will all come tumbling into the open. Then you can chose to stick a knife in the affair or your marriage.


----------



## LostinSA

Wow
This really grew legs. I really didnt expect such a response. For that i thank all of you however i dont necssarly agree. I think to keep the details on point i probably made her out to look worse than she is. Correct she is lying. And this has happened before. Correct i have told her to stop and she ignored me. But thats a common thread throuh all the marrage. Look, we dont really fight, we have great times together, shes not going out till crazy hours. In fact shes not going out at all. I get the hardline stance of divorce but that seems really exteme no? To blow up the property the money the assets? Were in the process of ha ing invetro for another kid. I just think serving her makes me the bad guy.
As far as the other dude heres the thing. Im cool with confronting him head on. Lol TRUST me i dont mind that at all. Problem is im not much for discussion and i will withkut a doubt lost it. I do everytime. I dont need my teenage son to see me go back to jail. I really dont have anymore chances so ita best i just keep to myself. As far as telling the wife. Your all correct. Its my understanding that they actually seperated at one point because he couldent keep to himself. She would blow it all up. BUT.....i dont like snitches. And i aint gonna snitch. No way. Never have never will. I put a girl on the knside at her job a few years ago. I trust her completly. She said she never heard rumors and never saw anything other than close talkong and a little rib poking. Although she did catch my wife rubbing his sboulders at his desk one day. But ill be honest....not a dealbreaker for me. I get what your saying about being carefull what they say in text because im watching. I had assumed possibly a burner phone or whatsap. But think about.....two years.....not 1 mistake? No refrence to another number. Not one single off color comment. No half convo that started somewhere else. Hard to believe anykne has that discipline. No? I agree its some type of emotional affair. Have they had sex? Possible but it sure dosent seem that way. Again thanks for all your responses. Youve been helpfull in clearing my head somewhat.


----------



## Malaise

LostinSA said:


> Wow
> This really grew legs. I really didnt expect such a response. For that i thank all of you however i dont necssarly agree. I think to keep the details on point i probably made her out to look worse than she is. Correct she is lying. And this has happened before. Correct i have told her to stop and she ignored me. But thats a common thread throuh all the marrage. Look, we dont really fight, we have great times together, shes not going out till crazy hours. In fact shes not going out at all. I get the hardline stance of divorce but that seems really exteme no? To blow up the property the money the assets? Were in the process of ha ing invetro for another kid. I just think serving her makes me the bad guy.
> As far as the other dude heres the thing. Im cool with confronting him head on. Lol TRUST me i dont mind that at all. Problem is im not much for discussion and i will withkut a doubt lost it. I do everytime. I dont need my teenage son to see me go back to jail. I really dont have anymore chances so ita best i just keep to myself. As far as telling the wife. Your all correct. Its my understanding that they actually seperated at one point because he couldent keep to himself. She would blow it all up. BUT.....i dont like snitches. And i aint gonna snitch. No way. Never have never will. I put a girl on the knside at her job a few years ago. I trust her completly. She said she never heard rumors and never saw anything other than close talkong and a little rib poking. Although she did catch my wife rubbing his sboulders at his desk one day. But ill be honest....not a dealbreaker for me. I get what your saying about being carefull what they say in text because im watching. I had assumed possibly a burner phone or whatsap. But think about.....two years.....not 1 mistake? No refrence to another number. Not one single off color comment. No half convo that started somewhere else. Hard to believe anykne has that discipline. No? I agree its some type of emotional affair. Have they had sex? Possible but it sure dosent seem that way. Again thanks for all your responses. Youve been helpfull in clearing my head somewhat.


OK then, have a good life.

You know where to find us.


----------



## Rick Blaine

LostinSA said:


> Wow
> This really grew legs. I really didnt expect such a response. For that i thank all of you however i dont necssarly agree. I think to keep the details on point i probably made her out to look worse than she is. Correct she is lying. And this has happened before. Correct i have told her to stop and she ignored me. But thats a common thread throuh all the marrage. Look, we dont really fight, we have great times together, shes not going out till crazy hours. In fact shes not going out at all. I get the hardline stance of divorce but that seems really exteme no? To blow up the property the money the assets? Were in the process of ha ing invetro for another kid. I just think serving her makes me the bad guy.
> As far as the other dude heres the thing. Im cool with confronting him head on. Lol TRUST me i dont mind that at all. Problem is im not much for discussion and i will withkut a doubt lost it. I do everytime. I dont need my teenage son to see me go back to jail. I really dont have anymore chances so ita best i just keep to myself. As far as telling the wife. Your all correct. Its my understanding that they actually seperated at one point because he couldent keep to himself. She would blow it all up. BUT.....i dont like snitches. And i aint gonna snitch. No way. Never have never will. I put a girl on the knside at her job a few years ago. I trust her completly. She said she never heard rumors and never saw anything other than close talkong and a little rib poking. Although she did catch my wife rubbing his sboulders at his desk one day. But ill be honest....not a dealbreaker for me. I get what your saying about being carefull what they say in text because im watching. I had assumed possibly a burner phone or whatsap. But think about.....two years.....not 1 mistake? No refrence to another number. Not one single off color comment. No half convo that started somewhere else. Hard to believe anykne has that discipline. No? I agree its some type of emotional affair. Have they had sex? Possible but it sure dosent seem that way. Again thanks for all your responses. Youve been helpfull in clearing my head somewhat.


Lucky wife. She gets to have her cake and eat it too while her husband sits back and pouts "Poor me." If you won't set boundaries no one here can help you.


----------



## vauxhall101

My ex used to do something similar. She would occasionally go bat-bleep crazy about me "looking at other women" or because I told her that a co-worker had a crush on me (as if it's my fault that I'm irresistible, and wouldn't it be worse if I _didn't_ tell her?). But she'd facebook-chat with a single male friend of hers, sometimes for an hour. When I pointed out the hypocrisy, she would say "That's different". And I'd say, yeah, I know, it's always different when it's you. 

Martin Luther King said "I judge people based on their principles, not by my own", and the obvious truth is this: how would your wife feel if the situation were reversed? If it was you who was texting a female colleague 100s of times per day? (Maybe you should do it and find out). I imagine that she would not be very pleased. So she should accept that it is not okay for her to do it to you.


----------



## Lostme

Rose colored glasses.


----------



## CantBelieveThis

LostinSA said:


> I get the hardline stance of divorce but that seems really exteme no? To blow up the property the money the assets? Were in the process of ha ing invetro for another kid. I just think serving her makes me the bad guy.


If you notice when people tell u to file for D is mostly to send her a strong message you will not tolerate such behavior, period. Doesn't mean you actually go forward with the D, it can be stopped anytime.... But the whole point is to show decisive strength and be locked N loaded..... Dont dismiss this concept, trust us, it works and many of us regret not doing it sooner. 

Sent from my BTV-W09 using Tapatalk


----------



## MattMatt

@LostinSA the text messages between them might have been a smokescreen for their affair.

Get checked for STDs.


----------



## TDSC60

Your wife reaches out to him again after agreeing to stop contact with him = your wife cares for him and wants to make him happy. She cares what he thinks of her.

Your wife lies to you and breaks her word to you = your wife does not care if she hurts you. She cares more for him. She does not care what you think. He has her heart - not you.

Do not have another child with this cheater.


----------



## Malaise

Lostme said:


> Rose colored glasses.


Blinders


----------



## chillymorn69

Eventually you will come to your senses.

Then you will be sorry you didn't act differently.

Please don't have anymore children with her until you get things figured out.

Good luck!


----------



## Evinrude58

A snitch? You don't want to snitch on a man grooming your wife for an affair?
🤔

You are clearly concerned about their "relationship". If not, why post a thread about it? 
You've been given 2 suggestions to bust up their "friendship". Both are proven effective.

So what are you going to do to stop your wife's affair, if you won't "snitch"?
Let it keep going for another two years?

I have nothing more to offer.... I'm stumped....


----------



## Marc878

Rather let your wife have a side guy in your marriage rather than be a snitch?

Nothing wrong with the truth but your problem is you are a total doormat.

If you change nothing then nothing changes


----------



## smi11ie

Sounds like you've got this. Have you been doing any "hysterical bonding" or is she too sad? Maybe think of something pressure free to do together.


----------



## stillthinking

You can lead a horse to water.......


----------



## doconiram

LostinSA said:


> Wow
> This really grew legs. I really didnt expect such a response. For that i thank all of you however i dont necssarly agree. I think to keep the details on point i probably made her out to look worse than she is. Correct she is lying. And this has happened before. Correct i have told her to stop and she ignored me. But thats a common thread throuh all the marrage. Look, we dont really fight, we have great times together, shes not going out till crazy hours. In fact shes not going out at all. I get the hardline stance of divorce but that seems really exteme no? To blow up the property the money the assets? Were in the process of ha ing invetro for another kid. I just think serving her makes me the bad guy.
> As far as the other dude heres the thing. Im cool with confronting him head on. Lol TRUST me i dont mind that at all. Problem is im not much for discussion and i will withkut a doubt lost it. I do everytime. I dont need my teenage son to see me go back to jail. I really dont have anymore chances so ita best i just keep to myself. As far as telling the wife. Your all correct. Its my understanding that they actually seperated at one point because he couldent keep to himself. She would blow it all up. BUT.....i dont like snitches. And i aint gonna snitch. No way. Never have never will. I put a girl on the knside at her job a few years ago. I trust her completly. She said she never heard rumors and never saw anything other than close talkong and a little rib poking. Although she did catch my wife rubbing his sboulders at his desk one day. But ill be honest....not a dealbreaker for me. I get what your saying about being carefull what they say in text because im watching. I had assumed possibly a burner phone or whatsap. But think about.....two years.....not 1 mistake? No refrence to another number. Not one single off color comment. No half convo that started somewhere else. Hard to believe anykne has that discipline. No? I agree its some type of emotional affair. Have they had sex? Possible but it sure dosent seem that way. Again thanks for all your responses. Youve been helpfull in clearing my head somewhat.


Sounds like you are OK sharing your wife's attention and affection with another man. Even though the OM has had problems keeping it to himself. Good luck with this approach. Also, get checked for STDs.


----------



## anchorwatch

You sure made it sound like it was much more serious to you in your opening post. Okay then, good luck.


----------



## Evinrude58

I love to get my shoulders rubbed by other men's wives. 
I get bored, though. I must really like them to text them after work.
If I text a woman 10-20 times a day,I'm crazy about her.

But this guy--- he's just a friend. Lol

I gotta bridge for sale...


----------



## ABHale

LostinSA said:


> Ok i know threads like this are on here over and over but here we go:
> 
> Wife was texting a male co-worker/ "friend" for over a year. Some days it was 10-20 messages some days its was 100's. Because her account is linked to our tablet i can see all messages. The conveesations were reltivatly innocent, although if you were to check her phone she erases all evidence of the conversatikns each day before leaving work.
> 
> One day she asked to meet him for linch the following day. When that day came she texted me and said she was heading out for lunch with the "girls". I told her i happened to be in the area and maybe we coukd meet for lunch instead. She agreed...then i told her i would not be able to make it and i apologised for messing up her lunch scbedule with her friends. Pf course it was no problem and she opted to eat lunch in the car. However through text it was clear that her and the other guy did in fact meet for lunch. I confront her next day. I dont let her know i can see ber texts, instead i tell her i checked her phone. She tells me yes they were supposed to meet but she cancled( a lie). Then tells me i set her up. That i invaded her privacy by checking her phone. That she only lied because i always get mad and never understand.
> 
> Fast forward a year. The two continue to text daily. She has now turned in her notice at that job for another oppurtunity. During her last week her and guy friend get called to the HR office. An employee had reported to HR that they felt there was an inapproiate relationship between the two of them that should be addressed. I find this suspicous but looking at there texts i see no proof of anything more then flirting and attention seeking. I choose not to show my hand. Over the next few days the messaging became nearly constant. At one point we were out to dinner and the club with friends and everytime i left the area she would text him a "hey hows it going" or a "what cha up to". In fact she even texted him (hes married btw) at 1:00 in the morning just to tease him about something he had said earlier in the day. SO i get fed up amd i call her on it. I dont reveal i can read her messages i just make it seem as of i checked the numbers on the bill. She at first denys texting him in any way, then changes to he texted me first, then followed that with dragging up my past mistakes. The following day she tells me. She thinks we sgould make an agreement. My friends should be guys and ber friends should be girls. She emails him and tells him her husband did not approve of the texting and she can no longer talk to him.
> 
> Keep in mind....it was her who decided that we should not have friends of the oppisite sex. In fact she said she put herself in ny shoes and deceded she would not be ok if i were doing the same thing.
> 
> One month goes by.....she texted him again. Hey are you mad at me? There was some back and forth eventually she explained her reason for cutting off communication. He asked her if them texting would cause a problem. She told him no. They have exchanged over 200 messages in the tgree days theve been talking. Always to be erased at the end.
> 
> I dont know what to do. I dont know what it means. If i bring it up it WILL become a fight. She WILL accuse me of never trusting her. Am i just being a d**k here? Where do i draw the line? Should i tell her i can read her messages? I just dont know. But i know its bothering me.


Why in the name of everything good would/do you trust her?

This goes on so many times because because men like yourself won’t put their foot down and say enough is enough at the start. 

Yes your wife is cheating on you. It is either a emotional affair (EA) or it is a physical affair (PA).


----------



## ABHale

Until this is solved, don’t have another child. 

Well do whatever floats your boat man. If you can’t respect your self enough to put an end to this, there’s no use to argue over it.


----------



## jsmart

This is so obviously a PA. When you're being called in to HR, it's because they were busted by co-workers. 

It really saddens me to read the BHs that are so timid and fearful of their wives. When a woman is betrayed, she unleashes holy hell. But today's men are so un-masculine. It's no wonder the wife is wondering off. 

To allow your wife to have such an obvious affair right in front of you for so long, while the whole time you're walking around on egg shells afraid of being called controlling is so weak. Even after the embarrassment of being hauled in to HR she was only able to lay low for a few weeks before she was back to pursing him and here your are, wondering if you would be a "snitch" for letting his wife no what's going on. Really? 

You need to stop this ASAP. It will require a multi-prong attach. Kind of Shock and Awe.
1. Have you served at work with D papers.
2. Expose POS to his wife.
3. Expose to your WWs family. (not in your daughter's a ***** but in a help me fight for the marriage way.)
4. Start implementing the 180 so you can detach. (You're way to co-dependent.)
5. Start working on yourself. (hit the gym, improve your look: hair, clothes, hygiene, ETC)

The first 3 step, all done on same day can shock your wife out of her fog. You need to think if you really want her after it all comes out. She's probably been having sex with this guy several times a week for over a year so she will be very attached to him. I've read of so many WWs that will pine away for their "soul mate" for years, being emotionally absent from the BH and even their own kids. Then there that fact that WWs are really wanton for their OM. I'm not talking about vanilla sex either. You really have to count the cost.


----------



## TaDor

smi11ie said:


> She and this other man are manipulating and controlling you with their secret relationship. They are only empowered because nobody knows. Start shaking trees...call his wife. She has shown you that she won't deal with you directly so you must bypass her and end this yourself. Don't give anyone a hint of your plan. Just strike a blow against a couple of cheaters.


Yep. Something like this just happened to me... OP, if you wish to save your marriage you better stop it before they get physical if it hasn't already.

And if she is cheating on you divorce her ass.


----------



## thedope

LostinSA said:


> Wow
> This really grew legs. I really didnt expect such a response. For that i thank all of you however i dont necssarly agree. I think to keep the details on point i probably made her out to look worse than she is. Correct she is lying. And this has happened before. Correct i have told her to stop and she ignored me. But thats a common thread throuh all the marrage. Look, we dont really fight, we have great times together, shes not going out till crazy hours. In fact shes not going out at all. I get the hardline stance of divorce but that seems really exteme no? To blow up the property the money the assets? Were in the process of ha ing invetro for another kid. I just think serving her makes me the bad guy.
> As far as the other dude heres the thing. Im cool with confronting him head on. Lol TRUST me i dont mind that at all. Problem is im not much for discussion and i will withkut a doubt lost it. I do everytime. I dont need my teenage son to see me go back to jail. I really dont have anymore chances so ita best i just keep to myself. As far as telling the wife. Your all correct. Its my understanding that they actually seperated at one point because he couldent keep to himself. She would blow it all up. BUT.....i dont like snitches. And i aint gonna snitch. No way. Never have never will. I put a girl on the knside at her job a few years ago. I trust her completly. She said she never heard rumors and never saw anything other than close talkong and a little rib poking. Although she did catch my wife rubbing his sboulders at his desk one day. But ill be honest....not a dealbreaker for me. I get what your saying about being carefull what they say in text because im watching. I had assumed possibly a burner phone or whatsap. But think about.....two years.....not 1 mistake? No refrence to another number. Not one single off color comment. No half convo that started somewhere else. Hard to believe anykne has that discipline. No? I agree its some type of emotional affair. Have they had sex? Possible but it sure dosent seem that way. Again thanks for all your responses. Youve been helpfull in clearing my head somewhat.


So you wife text non-stop with the dude. Rubs his shoulders. Admits she text him to much and can't stop.

Everyone but you thinks she is cheating. Thank about that. 

As far as you, "inside source". Do you really think 2 married people are going to tell co-workers oh hey yeah we are married but we are secretly having an affair.

Short of walking in on them in bed together how much more proof do you need? Like seriously it's obvious, trust your gut. At this point you are either in denial or OK with sharing your wife with this dude.


----------



## intuitionoramiwrong

Even if they haven't had sex, which I don't believe anyone here is in agreement with..

What she is doing is completely inappropriate. 

You aren't a snitch for telling the guys wife. If she had found out first wouldn't you want her to inform you? 

And the whole "I don't want my son to see me go to jail.." okay tough guy. Can't get your wife to stop texting another dude but you're going to beat him up... sure.


----------



## badmemory

LostinSA said:


> I dont know what to do. I dont know what it means. If i bring it up it WILL become a fight. She WILL accuse me of never trusting her. Am i just being a d**k here? Where do i draw the line? Should i tell her i can read her messages? I just dont know. But i know its bothering me.


OP, you are obviously terrified of divorce. Even now, you're afraid to confront your wife after she broke her commitment to have no opposite sex friends. When one spouse fears divorce less that the other one, that spouse controls the relationship. She is the one in control. You are allowing yourself to be her doormat. Stop. She is at least having an EA and you need to pull your head out of your @ss.

Confront her now, and don't tell her how you got the evidence. You never reveal your methods. Tell her you know she's texted him inappropriately in the past, that the HR complaint confirms there was something going on at work and now she's broken your agreement by texting him again. Tell her you can't control her, but you can control what you accept from her; and you will no longer accept her contact with him. Period. And no opposite sex friends going forward. Period. 

If she can't accept that or says she'll end contact but doesn't; implement the 180 to detach and start the divorce process. And keep monitoring her.

Time to take your balls back. You can do this.


----------



## Evinrude58

This is a prime example of how one must confront problems when they arise and not ignore and hope they go away. When it comes to other people in a marriage, one cannot ignore. It just gets worse. The sad thing is that this guy is probably too late to correct the problem. She has clearly developed a daily, strong relationship with this guy. It only takes a couple of weeks to a couple of months to destroy a marriage emotionally. She's had a couple of years. IT's 99% certainty that they are having sex. IT's just what happens. Where there is smoke, there is fire. The smoke can be seen for miles here.

OP cannot even bring himself to confront her out of fear that she'll divorce him. She's going to anyway, OP, if you let this relationship continue. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.

questions: How's your sex life with your wife? Has it changed in the last two years? Has she changed how she dresses in the last 2 years? Has she started going to the gym in the last 2 years? Get where I'm going with this?


----------



## leon2100

Call the guy! tell him if this continues you will sue him for "alienation of affections." whether you can or can not, doesn't really matte! He'll have to pay a lawyer to find out if you really can! Once he writes that first check to the lawyer, your wife will become "yesterday's news" to him.


----------



## BetrayedDad

LostinSA said:


> I get the hardline stance of divorce but that seems really exteme no? To blow up the property the money the assets? Were in the process of having invetro for another kid. I just think serving her makes me the bad guy.


Another BS who puts money before self respect. You can't help people like this TAM. He'd let you take a dump on him for the right price.

His wife's doing it for free now. How do you expect him to serve the cheating POS and demand respect when he doesn't even respect himself? 



LostinSA said:


> BUT..... I dont like snitches. And i aint gonna snitch. No way. Never have never will.


It's snitching to tell some scumbag to stop ****ing your wife and to put his old lady on notice?!? 

He's ****ING YOUR WIFE and you're worried about tattling on him? What the hell is wrong with you......

FYI: He's ****ing your wife. Unprotected, rough, pornstar sex. She does all the **** she won't do for you.

Take that to the ****ing bank.


----------



## Steve1000

LostinSA said:


> As far as telling the wife. Your all correct. Its my understanding that they actually seperated at one point because he couldent keep to himself. She would blow it all up. BUT.....i dont like snitches. And i aint gonna snitch. No way. Never have never will.


I'm sorry you feel that way about snitches. A colleague's husband works in law enforcement and I've heard several stories about perpetrators of crimes, including manslaughter, who are still on the streets because witnesses are afraid of being labelled a snitch.


----------



## Sports Fan

I read this go down and have carefully considered your responses before i posted. Grow some balls expose to other mans wife than stop this shi...t quick smart. Chances are they have already slept together.

I post these realities not to be smart but as a bloke who has gone through something similiar. Your wife is no different. She is gas lighting you and you are in serious denial.


----------



## Personal

LostinSA said:


> I think to keep the details on point i probably made her out to look worse than she is.


I don't think you were making her look worse, the impression I have from your previous posts, is that you are for the most part determined to minimise what she is doing. While hoping she will have an epiphany and pick you over that other man, who makes her feel all kinds of wonderful.



LostinSA said:


> Correct she is lying. And this has happened before. Correct i have told her to stop and she ignored me. But thats a common thread throuh all the marrage.


Well with such a pattern, she will always do whatever she desires whether you like it or not and that would include having other men if that is her desire.

If you can't respect yourself, why would she feel a desire to respect you either.



LostinSA said:


> Look, we dont really fight, we have great times together, shes not going out till crazy hours. In fact shes not going out at all.


It is quite easy to have sex with someone at or near their work if they have 15 minutes, 30 minutes and or an hour to spare?



LostinSA said:


> I get the hardline stance of divorce but that seems really exteme no? To blow up the property the money the assets? Were in the process of ha ing invetro for another kid. I just think serving her makes me the bad guy.


Having another kid... :surprise:



LostinSA said:


> As far as the other dude heres the thing. Im cool with confronting him head on. Lol TRUST me i dont mind that at all. Problem is im not much for discussion and i will withkut a doubt lost it. I do everytime. I dont need my teenage son to see me go back to jail. I really dont have anymore chances so ita best i just keep to myself.


Confronting him, he's not the one who is cheating on you. Your wife is your problem she is the one who is doing it to you, she's the one who can give it away or choose not to cheat on you.



LostinSA said:


> As far as telling the wife. Your all correct. Its my understanding that they actually seperated at one point because he couldent keep to himself. She would blow it all up. BUT.....i dont like snitches. And i aint gonna snitch. No way. Never have never will.


Again he's not really your problem, your wife is your problem. That said I don't get why you would protect him.



LostinSA said:


> I put a girl on the knside at her job a few years ago. I trust her completly. She said she never heard rumors and never saw anything other than close talkong and a little rib poking. Although she did catch my wife rubbing his sboulders at his desk one day. But ill be honest....not a dealbreaker for me.


Her coworker didn't hear anything, so what. I kept a sexual relationship at work with a work colleague from the others until we eventually decided not to hide it anymore. Which saw one of our very close work mates (we worked together very closely) who had eyes for me. Not talk to either of us again upon being surprised to find out we were together for all that time.

That said the fact she saw your wife rubbing his shoulders should not be taken lightly.



LostinSA said:


> I get what your saying about being carefull what they say in text because im watching. I had assumed possibly a burner phone or whatsap. But think about.....two years.....not 1 mistake? No refrence to another number. Not one single off color comment. No half convo that started somewhere else. Hard to believe anykne has that discipline. No?


Being careful in texting, form the get go isn't a stretch. Plus some people are not inclined to leave a "paper trail" of their activities. It isn't very difficult for some people to keep such things a secret and for some of them it requires no discipline at all to do.



LostinSA said:


> I agree its some type of emotional affair. Have they had sex? Possible but it sure dosent seem that way. Again thanks for all your responses. Youve been helpfull in clearing my head somewhat.


I can understand the desire to hope it isn't so and to try to find the best and not want to go there, yet sticking your head in the sand isn't a great way to face problems.

That said if you would rather hope for the best and take the approach of what you don't know doesn't hurt you. Perhaps you should stop reading her texts and checking up on her at all. Especially when you are not inclined to enforce any boundaries.


----------



## TaDor

@LostinSA : We also get it. You *know* things are wrong. But you don't want to know. As long as you don't know - it's okay... its just a question. I was picking up problems my wife was doing with her phone and how she was acting around me. Once things got out in the - bad things really started. The pain starts.

Sorry, but you are looking at two levels of PAIN coming your way. And the longer it goes on, the more PAINFUL it's going to get - and more likely you are going to lose any chance of repair - if at all. I've been in 3 false/failed reconciliations in almost two years.
1 - It's confirmed she is sleeping with the guy. You are hurt. You threaten/file for divorce - and she somehow becomes faithful to you with years of therapy for both of you.
2 - Besides the sex, she leaves the marriage for the new penis system. You may end up paying for her cheating with child support and alimony. That is your prize.

The chances of them NOT having sex already is 0~1%. Odds of getting that 1% is very low.

After my experience... and I THOUGHT we were going to make it. The odds are simply too low for women to bother. If she confessed on her own out of guilt from a ONS - then there is a good chance of recovery - that would fit into the 30% of female cheaters who reconcile successfully. 

Anything else, would require a lot of work to get her head out of her butt.

I want to be in love. I love being in love. I love - just loving someone. But I won't stand for this again. Any future women I am with - if there is cheating. I'm gone. Simply that. If I own a house - hopefully - they will NOT have their name on it. They will require a pre-nup. I'm not playing around. I've been warned by others here... I hoped they were wrong. I wanted *US* to beat the odds. We lost.

Tick tock... your wife is on the phone. Take it from her or ask for it - without her touching anything. Say if she values the marriage - she better go into another room while you see every texting app there is.

Sorry you are here.


----------



## Taxman

Ok so it is an affair, EA or most likely PA, and she is not inclined to stop it, as you have been completely ineffectual in making her do so. To bring a few more laughs to the party, she does not want you to have friends of the opposite sex. Rubbish! So, it is time to bring up the subject with a little more penalty thrown in. I would approach her and say, "You are still talking/texting/sexting AP, and possibly having sex with him, so I guess that it will be alright if I start dating. After all, you have your next husband in your sights, I believe I should be given the same right." Oh, he is just a friend? What happened to us not having friends of the opposite sex? You need to go shock and awe.

But, if you choose to continue on this current path, ignoring the obvious affair that is happening right under your nose, a woman who has not the slightest iota of respect for you, has made you into her PLAN B, who is getting strange di*k in her, and laughing at you, then sir, you have one thing to consider; a new title that should now fit you, cuckold.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Malaise said:


> OK then, have a good life.
> 
> You know where to find us.


Yep. Not sure why someone would come here seeking help when they don't plan do to anything about their cheating spouse. I just cant even....


----------



## Mr Blunt

At the present time LostinSA is making excuses for his wife that is more interested in the OM than her husband.

LostinSA is now in training to become a cuckold.


----------



## doconiram

Mr Blunt said:


> At the present time LostinSA is making excuses for his wife that is more interested in the OM than her husband.
> 
> LostinSA is now in training to become a cuckold.


Unfortunately, I think you are correct. 

She obviously cares more for her relationship with OM than she does for her marriage.


----------



## colingrant

Easy solution, however difficult execution for you. Seems as if she has little respect for you considering how brazen she's been with the volume of her texting. Having an affair is disrespectful in itself, however her uncontrollable propensity to text regardless of your company or the company of others suggests her OP has the power. Two comments in particular stick out to me. 

1) At one point we were out to dinner and the club with friends and every time i left the area she would text him a "hey hows it going" or a "what cha up to".

Often, the cheater attempts to preserve the dignity of the person being cheated on by holding them in high regard around friends and family as if to lessen the shameful and deceitful life they've made. As prosperous as that line of thinking is, it's at least cheaply considerate, and I'm stretching it. With her, she simply doesn't give a damn about you or your friends. She needs SPANKED!!!!!!!

2) She emails him and tells him her husband did not approve of the texting and she can no longer talk to him.

For some reason this sounds as if she got a slap on the wrist and wish to not receive another one, but if she continues (texting) it'll be alright, she'll just get another wrist tap. She's like the teenager who will test you until you come down hard. You might not want to come down hard, but until you do, she'll continue as she has. Your choice


----------



## TaDor

I think the OP has left the building.


----------



## arbitrator

LostinSA said:


> Ok i know threads like this are on here over and over but here we go:
> 
> Wife was texting a male co-worker/ "friend" for over a year. Some days it was 10-20 messages some days its was 100's. Because her account is linked to our tablet i can see all messages. The conveesations were reltivatly innocent, although if you were to check her phone she erases all evidence of the conversatikns each day before leaving work.
> 
> One day she asked to meet him for linch the following day. When that day came she texted me and said she was heading out for lunch with the "girls". I told her i happened to be in the area and maybe we coukd meet for lunch instead. She agreed...then i told her i would not be able to make it and i apologised for messing up her lunch scbedule with her friends. Pf course it was no problem and she opted to eat lunch in the car. However through text it was clear that her and the other guy did in fact meet for lunch. I confront her next day. I dont let her know i can see ber texts, instead i tell her i checked her phone. She tells me yes they were supposed to meet but she cancled( a lie). Then tells me i set her up. That i invaded her privacy by checking her phone. That she only lied because i always get mad and never understand.
> 
> Fast forward a year. The two continue to text daily. She has now turned in her notice at that job for another oppurtunity. During her last week her and guy friend get called to the HR office. An employee had reported to HR that they felt there was an inapproiate relationship between the two of them that should be addressed. I find this suspicous but looking at there texts i see no proof of anything more then flirting and attention seeking. I choose not to show my hand. Over the next few days the messaging became nearly constant. At one point we were out to dinner and the club with friends and everytime i left the area she would text him a "hey hows it going" or a "what cha up to". In fact she even texted him (hes married btw) at 1:00 in the morning just to tease him about something he had said earlier in the day. SO i get fed up amd i call her on it. I dont reveal i can read her messages i just make it seem as of i checked the numbers on the bill. She at first denys texting him in any way, then changes to he texted me first, then followed that with dragging up my past mistakes. The following day she tells me. She thinks we sgould make an agreement. My friends should be guys and ber friends should be girls. She emails him and tells him her husband did not approve of the texting and she can no longer talk to him.
> 
> Keep in mind....it was her who decided that we should not have friends of the oppisite sex. In fact she said she put herself in ny shoes and deceded she would not be ok if i were doing the same thing.
> 
> One month goes by.....she texted him again. Hey are you mad at me? There was some back and forth eventually she explained her reason for cutting off communication. He asked her if them texting would cause a problem. She told him no. They have exchanged over 200 messages in the tgree days theve been talking. Always to be erased at the end.
> 
> I dont know what to do. I dont know what it means. If i bring it up it WILL become a fight. She WILL accuse me of never trusting her. Am i just being a d**k here? Where do i draw the line? Should i tell her i can read her messages? I just dont know. But i know its bothering me.


*Let’s see! That’s just a tad less than 70 text messages per day with a man who is not your husband! That roughly averages some 25,550 texts per year!

Now with an ascertained figure of a normal male having some 20 erections per day, that plays out to be some 7,300 erections attained per year, let’s just say that with as many texts that she’s generating with a man who is not her husband, it is greatly surmiseable that at least one of those normally attained erections of his was likely used for illicit copulatory purposes with someone outside the marriage bed! 

Just do the math and the statistical probability!

I’d say that you need to be far more worried about when it is that she stops texting! Unless, of course, she can text and have sex simultaneously!*


----------



## MancMan

It's a shame that the OP has left. 

Sadly I think he probably wanted to hear 'nah, it's all fine. There just good friends who have a laugh. It's you she loves and she'll never look at another'

Truth is it was an EA and would have been a PA in no time (if it wasn't already).

All of us with experience of this know it.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

TaDor said:


> I think the OP has left the building.


Yep, he is outside with his head buried in the sand because we are a bunch of online bullies who don't want to see him to continue to be cheated on. But hey, he's no snitch.


----------



## TaDor

I was seeing signs... but was told by others - need to give her a chance to prove herself - by sometimes NOT looking at her phone. As long as it wasn't POSOM1 or such - I didn't pay attention to the new POSOM - her long-time friend. I did peak every now and then, but nothing lately - but recent activity shows the build u.

OP, if you ever come back - you can hide your head, it won't stop what is happening or going to happen.


----------

