# Am I a terrible person for not disclosing this. Should I?



## Timmy78 (Apr 11, 2015)

Hello Everyone, 

I am a 37 year old. Married with 2 kids. Been married for 5 years and together for 15. I am very happy with my wife and consider myself very lucky. 

The problem is that I think that I am bisexual. Looking back I have always been able to feel attracted to both genders. When I met my wife my feelings for her were so strong that it just wasn't an issue and it never seemed like something that needed to be discussed. As I have gotten older and wiser I accept that bi is probably my true orientation. I must stress that I have never had an actual experience with a guy and that all of my previous experiences prior to meeting my wife were with women. *I have never cheated on my wife or even considered it. *

I have started to feel like real jerk for not telling her about this part of me. If I did tell her It would only be for honesty. I am not looking for experimentation, nor do I want to cheat on her. I don't want to change the rules of our marriage, but I do feel that she has a right to know. 

On the other hand I worry that if I did tell her she would assume that I am cheating or that I want to cheat. I would hate that. I also feel like I would risk damaging our marriage and that it would impact on the kids if things turned sour. If I was looking to cheat or experiment then she would HAVE to know but as I have already said, this is not what I am looking for whatsoever. 

So, what do you guys think? Is honesty the best policy and am I a bad person for not discussing this with her? I know that this conversation should have happened years ago but it's too late for me to do anything about that now. 

I hope that you can give me your perspective. I appreciate that this is a little unusual.


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## Frizz (Apr 1, 2015)

Hi

I personally wouldn't want to know as, yes, I would be concerned (& probably get paranoid) about you going off having an affair with a man. I applaud you wanting to be completely honest with your wife but as you do not have any desire to act upon this then I think telling her might rock the boat (though you obviously know your wife best).

And no you are not a terrible person


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't think it is such a big deal. I would be open but just not make a mountain out of a mole hill. My wife knows pretty much everything about me and vice versa.

If you are loyal and loving it shouldn't be an issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

It's not what your looking for YET but from one bi to another, your gonna get more curious!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

No, you're not a terrible person. 

I guess I, as a woman, can only give my perspective of how I'd feel it I was given that news. It would change my opinion of the man. It would make me feel less attracted to him. I'm not sure it would affect trust if the man vowed to be transparent and faithful, etc., and there had never been any cheating before, but it would be a difficult burden to carry as a wife.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

People have all sorts of inclinations but the responsible ones behave according to high standards and not by acting on their inclinations. I am not gay or bi but I'm sexually attracted to a very wide variety of women. That natural attraction doesn't mean I act on those urges or that I'm not a complete person if I don't. What you are is a husband and a father. That's the commitment you made and that's what determines how you should behave. Unless there is some clueless woman on earth, every wife should assume her husband has had sexual desires that don't include her. It's neither necessary nor helpful to point those desires out to them. Your wife has probably found herself sexually interested in other men (or women). Would it add anything to your life for her to give you those details? As long as she is doing what she is supposed to be doing, her fantasies are her own business. Same thing for you.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Since I have been screwed a couple of times in my life by "the friend thing", then the last thing I need is to be married to a dorman bi-sexual. 

I can be friends with bi-sexuals, but I would prefer to keep my personal /intimate life simple.


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

bisexuals are no more likely to cheat than unisexuals!

But in this case he has a new curiousity that he may want to explore.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sandie said:


> bisexuals are no more likely to cheat than unisexuals!
> 
> But in this case he has a new curiousity that he may want to explore.


Since he is married.. exploring this curiosity is called cheating.


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

I never said it wwasn't and I didn't say it was right I just said he might do it!


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

First off, you're definitely not a bad person. 

But how do you think your wife would react? 

I'm a gay man with a bisexual husband. I knew he was bi before we started dating, it has never been an issue for me. I know he has no desire or intention to explore that part of himself. 

However, if I had the assumption he was gay for 20 years and suddenly found that wasn't the case, my reaction might be different. I might be concerned about the sudden change. Or if he told me he knew he was attracted to women for years, I might wonder why he never told me. 

I tend to agree with ConanHub - it shouldn't matter. But if you think it might jeopardize what you have now... Give it some thought.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

It shouldn't make a difference but it could.... Other than you feeling a need to share this with her, where is the up side to telling her? If this isn't something you're going to act on then let it be and enjoy your life. IMO


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## Big Dude (Feb 24, 2013)

Timmy78 said:


> I have started to feel like real jerk for not telling her about this part of me. If I did tell her It would only be for honesty. I am not looking for experimentation, nor do I want to cheat on her. I don't want to change the rules of our marriage, but I do feel that she has a right to know.
> 
> .


Timmy78, I'm going to go against the grain here and suggest that you did indeed do a terrible thing, and that you magnify that terribleness every day you do not disclose this information to your wife.

Almost 30 years ago, my wife did to me what you did to your wife...she withheld important truths about her sexuality before marriage on the grounds that it didn't really matter since she was committed to being an ideal wife. Despite her best efforts, her true sexuality manifested itself in our relationship. Since she was unwilling to tell me the truth, I spent decades thinking that the problems we experienced were my fault somehow. I worked harder than you can imagine to "fix" something that, had I known the truth, could never be fixed.

To expect another human being to forsake all others for a lifetime without being honest about an important issue like your sexuality violates several important ethical principles. The issue here is not your bisexuality, rather it is you took away the opportunity for your wife to judge for herself what was important in a life partner. This is the manipulation of a person for your own ends.

It is entirely possible that your wife would have no problem with your sexuality. She may even find it to be attractive! But going forward, if your marriage was to suffer some sexual distress, at least she would know the truth and be able to work from a position of knowledge.

I do not support the proposition that ignorance is bliss. It's just ignorance. But I do believe the proposition that truth will out. 

I applaud you for even considering the nature of right and wrong here. Best of luck to you and your family.


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## Timmy78 (Apr 11, 2015)

Big Dude said:


> Timmy78, I'm going to go against the grain here and suggest that you did indeed do a terrible thing, and that you magnify that terribleness every day you do not disclose this information to your wife.
> 
> Almost 30 years ago, my wife did to me what you did to your wife...she withheld important truths about her sexuality before marriage on the grounds that it didn't really matter since she was committed to being an ideal wife. Despite her best efforts, her true sexuality manifested itself in our relationship. Since she was unwilling to tell me the truth, I spent decades thinking that the problems we experienced were my fault somehow. I worked harder than you can imagine to "fix" something that, had I known the truth, could never be fixed.
> 
> ...


Thanks Big Dude.

I am sorry to hear that things turned out so difficult for you. 

The thing is I didn't make a conscious issue to not tell her when we first met. It just wasn't an issue. I hadn't ( and still haven't) had any actual bi experiences and I had met a woman who I fell in love with and wanted to spend my life with. It just never occurred to me back then that it could ever be an issue. I still don't think it is an issue in terms of my intentions towards her but I do totally respect your points of view.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Bury it in the deepest recesses of your soul. JMO.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> People have all sorts of inclinations but the responsible ones behave according to high standards and not by acting on their inclinations. I am not gay or bi but I'm sexually attracted to a very wide variety of women. That natural attraction doesn't mean I act on those urges or that I'm not a complete person if I don't. What you are is a husband and a father. That's the commitment you made and that's what determines how you should behave. Unless there is some clueless woman on earth, every wife should assume her husband has had sexual desires that don't include her. It's neither necessary nor helpful to point those desires out to them. Your wife has probably found herself sexually interested in other men (or women). Would it add anything to your life for her to give you those details? As long as she is doing what she is supposed to be doing, her fantasies are her own business. Same thing for you.


QFT!


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Timmy78 said:


> So, what do you guys think?


Why do you want to tell her? So she can validate your "feelings"?

Every wife I know secretly longs to hear their husbands lust after men.

Will do wonders for her self-esteem.

So, by all means, if you wish to destroy your marriage, go ahead and tell her.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Unless you feel you have to explore this side of your sexuality, say nothing. NO good can come of it if you are going to stay faithful. If later you feel compelled to explore it, THEN tell your wife and see what happens. Unless that becomes a need for you, keep it to yourself, else you may well damage your marriage for NO good reason.


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

My question is why now? After being with her for 15 years that you suddenly want to unburden yourself by devastating your relationship. I don't know your wife but if my husband out of the blue told me he's always been bisexuals but don't plan to pursue a male/male relationship, I would not believe him.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I agree with others. I don't see any good coming out of you telling her.

Worst case scenario .... She isn't as attracted to you anymore. She doesn't trust you as much anymore

Best case scenario .... She is OK with it.


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## Big Dude (Feb 24, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> I agree with others. I don't see any good coming out of you telling her.
> 
> Worst case scenario .... She isn't as attracted to you anymore. She doesn't trust you as much anymore
> 
> Best case scenario .... She is OK with it.


I see things differently. If the OP is honest with his wife and:

1) She is OK with it, then the family is far better equipped to deal with possible future challenges. Imagine how well this family could manage a sexual identity crisis with one of the children, or other sexual challenges in the marriage.

2) She is not OK with it, then how does anyone justify continued manipulation of this woman contrary to her own assumptions and wishes for a husband?


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## Colonel Angus (Apr 11, 2015)

You could approach her with the truth after your lovemaking sessions. Ask her if she has any fantasies and if she does, ask her if she could share them with you. If she feels safe with you, she'll open up. Then ask her if she wants to know yours. This way, you are not shoving any sexual information about you without her being ready for it.

Lastly sir, boundaries. It is all about respecting boundaries. In your case, the boundaries regarding other women will also have to apply to men as well.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Take it to the grave with you. It doesnt make you a bad person.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

It's too late to change what's already been done (or not done, in this case).

I would no longer be attracted to my husband if he told me he was bi-sexual. Hopefully we could end the relationship amicably and he would be free to explore that side of him without a wife to complicate matters. I would always love him, but that's just not the man I would want to be married to. I would, however, feel I had a right to know and make that choice. But that's just me.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

There are four people to consider in this relationship and only two of them chose to be in it. The other two are children who didn't deceive anyone, have no confusions about who they are or where they fit into the world. They love both their parents and if dad trots off to figure out which way he really swings, the kids lose. If mom loses interest in dad because he shares his feelings with her, the kids lose. If someone has to eat a crap sandwich, then let dad eat it quietly. Breaking this piece of news takes that sandwich from him and hands it over to his wife and kids, all who are entirely innocent parties. While he gets the freedom to act out whatever fantasies he may have, his wife and kids will pay for that trip. If I couldn't take that crap to the grave, I'd at least keep it under wraps until the kids were out of the house.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I've been married ~25 years and do you know what - I'm also attracted to people other than my wife. I strongly expect that she is attracted to people other than me. I don't think it matters one bit what gender those other people are - neither of us is going to act on that attraction. 

Many people have fantasies. Some may fantasize about the same gender, or bondage, or younger people, older people, whatever. Their fantasies are their own. 

Now if someones desires are so strong that they want to ACT on those desires, that is an entirely different thing. It doesn't what gender the target of that desire has - this is outside of the agreement of most marriages.


If my wife told me she was bi, I would't mind at all. If my wife told me she was bi and wanted to ACT on that desire, then we would need to have a discussion. I might even be OK with it, but we would need to discuss boundaries.


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## Timmy78 (Apr 11, 2015)

unbelievable said:


> There are four people to consider in this relationship and only two of them chose to be in it. The other two are children who didn't deceive anyone, have no confusions about who they are or where they fit into the world. They love both their parents and if dad trots off to figure out which way he really swings, the kids lose. If mom loses interest in dad because he shares his feelings with her, the kids lose. If someone has to eat a crap sandwich, then let dad eat it quietly. Breaking this piece of news takes that sandwich from him and hands it over to his wife and kids, all who are entirely innocent parties. While he gets the freedom to act out whatever fantasies he may have, his wife and kids will pay for that trip. If I couldn't take that crap to the grave, I'd at least keep it under wraps until the kids were out of the house.


Hi Unbelievable,

I agree with your comments regarding it hurting the kids but me experimenting or figuring out which way I swing was never part of the plan. If I did tell her then it would just be for honesty. I don't want to slip up, experiment or be with anyone else. I would hate that. I do agree with your comment though and appreciate your input.


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## Timmy78 (Apr 11, 2015)

thefam said:


> It's too late to change what's already been done (or not done, in this case).
> 
> I would no longer be attracted to my husband if he told me he was bi-sexual. Hopefully we could end the relationship amicably and he would be free to explore that side of him without a wife to complicate matters. I would always love him, but that's just not the man I would want to be married to. I would, however, feel I had a right to know and make that choice. But that's just me.


Would it make a difference if like me, he had never acted on it.


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## Timmy78 (Apr 11, 2015)

Colonel Angus said:


> You could approach her with the truth after your lovemaking sessions. Ask her if she has any fantasies and if she does, ask her if she could share them with you. If she feels safe with you, she'll open up. Then ask her if she wants to know yours. This way, you are not shoving any sexual information about you without her being ready for it.
> 
> Lastly sir, boundaries. It is all about respecting boundaries. In your case, the boundaries regarding other women will also have to apply to men as well.


Thanks for posting. The boundaries will always be in place. I've no interest in being with anyone else.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you discussed issues about sexuality with your wife? Have you discussed homosexuality and bi-sexuality with her in a general sense? If so what has she said about her acceptance of these orientations? I think that general discussion like that should follow before you have any discussion about your thinking thing that you might be bi.

However, I am in the camp that thinks if you tell your wife about your sexual feelings for men, it will most likely hurt or end your marriage. 

It's on things to intellectually know that there are people with all kinds of sexual desires and those who act on them. It's one thing to accept that this is pretty normal.

It's quite another to find out that your spouse is bi or gay. Just the fact that you are feeling such a strong urge talk about this means to me that it's the next step in you accepting this about yourself. Once that's out... then it moves to the next sage.. trying it. 

I would be lose attraction to a man who has desires for other men.


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## Timmy78 (Apr 11, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Have you discussed issues about sexuality with your wife? Have you discussed homosexuality and bi-sexuality with her in a general sense? If so what has she said about her acceptance of these orientations? I think that general discussion like that should follow before you have any discussion about your thinking thing that you might be bi.
> 
> However, I am in the camp that thinks if you tell your wife about your sexual feelings for men, it will most likely hurt or end your marriage.
> 
> ...


I do accept it about myself. It actually doesn't bother me at all, the only issue is that my wife doesn't know. I definitely don't need to 'try' it. That has never been my intention. 

She is totally tolerant of different sexualities but It's different when its your spouse.


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

I believe you are right she deserves to know, and to make decisions based on that knowledge. It may be that it could cause issues, but I think if your marriage is solid they could be worked through and you'd have the opportunity of a stronger relationship afterwards. And if this is something she cannot handle, then it is her decision she deserves to have the opportunity to make. 

However, she may be the type that would prefer to never know this about you, but I don't know if your wife falls in that category. *I* would want to know. Only you knows if she would appreciate full disclosure on this or not. Just be ready for the questions, concerns, worries, and issues that may arise.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> What you are is a husband and a father. That's the commitment you made and that's what determines how you should behave.


OP, you said your feeling for your wife were so strong they overtook everything else. You said you've never had any desire to stray from your vows. It doesn't sound like there are any problems in your marriage. Let sleeping dogs lie. There is no upside to this for you or your family.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> People have all sorts of inclinations but the responsible ones behave according to high standards and not by acting on their inclinations. I am not gay or bi but I'm sexually attracted to a very wide variety of women. That natural attraction doesn't mean I act on those urges or that I'm not a complete person if I don't. What you are is a husband and a father. That's the commitment you made and that's what determines how you should behave. Unless there is some clueless woman on earth, every wife should assume her husband has had sexual desires that don't include her. It's neither necessary nor helpful to point those desires out to them. Your wife has probably found herself sexually interested in other men (or women). Would it add anything to your life for her to give you those details? As long as she is doing what she is supposed to be doing, her fantasies are her own business. Same thing for you.


*Spot on observations Unbelievable.*



unbelievable said:


> There are four people to consider in this relationship and only two of them chose to be in it. The other two are children who didn't deceive anyone, have no confusions about who they are or where they fit into the world. They love both their parents and if dad trots off to figure out which way he really swings, the kids lose. If mom loses interest in dad because he shares his feelings with her, the kids lose. If someone has to eat a crap sandwich, then let dad eat it quietly. Breaking this piece of news takes that sandwich from him and hands it over to his wife and kids, all who are entirely innocent parties. While he gets the freedom to act out whatever fantasies he may have, his wife and kids will pay for that trip. If I couldn't take that crap to the grave, I'd at least keep it under wraps until the kids were out of the house.





Timmy78 said:


> Hi Unbelievable,
> I agree with your comments regarding it hurting the kids but me experimenting or figuring out which way I swing was never part of the plan. If I did tell her then it would just be for honesty. I don't want to slip up, experiment or be with anyone else. I would hate that. I do agree with your comment though and appreciate your input.


Honesty does not compel full disclosure of every thought and feeling you’ve ever had unless it’s material to the relationship. 

To think – today I saw a woman in the produce isle that – damn she was just smoking sexy hot. Does honesty compel me to disclose this to Ms Spin? No absolutely not. In part, because if I were to do this Ms Spin and I would tire of it very quickly. I see “hot chicks” all the time (I love female bodies in general) but more so it’s immaterial. There is nothing that would ever become of it.

On the other hand, a buddy from church has a 65’ Triumph Bonneville (mostly in milk crates) which he’s thinking of selling. Failing to disclose that conversation would be dishonest and material because odds are good that little Bonne will be sitting in our garage if I have my way.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Let's see:

Has never been with a man.
Has no intentions of being with a man.
Has been with wife the better part of 20 years.
Loves said wife.
Has two kids.
Wants to come out as bisexual?

What would compel you to likely blow up your whole life over actions you've not taken and don't want to? For an idea of something that you already admit to be perfectly comfortable with yourself?

At this point, after all these years, I think the real question is "why now?" You need to explore some potentially deep, buried reasons behind your motivation to come out.

Might be more extensive and involving than "I just wanna be honest".


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Timmy78 said:


> Hi Unbelievable,
> 
> I agree with your comments regarding it hurting the kids but me experimenting or figuring out which way I swing was never part of the plan. If I did tell her then it would just be for honesty. I don't want to slip up, experiment or be with anyone else. I would hate that. I do agree with your comment though and appreciate your input.


I'm a fan of honesty but not a huge fan of foolishness. Every person on earth has thoughts and feelings. So what? We aren't slaves to them. Will it add the slightest bit of anything to your wife's life for her to hear that her husband occasionally sees a guy and wonders "what if?" Is it going to strengthen your bond with her? Make her feel more secure? Will it raise your kid's math grade or pay off the mortgage sooner? It won't do a damned thing for anyone on this earth but it will likely cause much damage.

If I work with a woman with magnificent hooters and I think I'd love to see her naked, would being quiet about that be dishonest or just not be stupid? Honesty would likely get me fired, would make her (and every other woman at work) feel uncomfortable, would piss off my wife, the bank would be unhappy because my mortgage checks would become sporadic. People have feelings. This isn't Sesame Street and we don't have to share them with everyone. Most folks don't want to know what you think about. They are concerned with what you do. Your thoughts are your own private little kingdom. 

As you seem somewhat eager to divulge this uncomfortable piece of news to your wife, is it because you hope she will release you from your vows and basically give you permission to have sex outside the marriage? If that's the case, honesty isn't your goal, permission and validation are your goals. I've probably had sexual thoughts about maybe 30 different women today. Do you believe it would be marriage-enhancing for me to tell my wife about them? If we discussed every sexual thought I'd had, we'd never have time to talk about anything else. Doesn't matter what pops into my head, anyway. I'm married and the deal I made was that I wasn't boning anyone but my wife until I was dead or divorced. The subject hasn't really come up, but I assume that vow would include sex with men, kids, farm animals, cybersex, phone sex, etc. You've been faithful, you say you intend to remain faithful. What would be the advantage of giving your wife the grand tour of the untidy sexual buffet that is a man's brain? A man's brain is like a septic tank. It has a job to do and it does it very well, but there's a lot of pretty disgusting stuff in there that nobody needs or wants to see. As long as the toilets are flushing, don't crack the lid on that thing and invite visitors.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

If my H ever even hinted that he might be interested in men, his butt would be out the door so fast he wouldn't have time to retract his statement.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

As several other's have said, I would not want to be married to a man that had any interest in men what so ever.

I'm not sure what the right thing for you to do is. Just be aware that if you tell her, it's very likely it might be the end of your marriage.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

As a woman, if my husband disclosed to me his bi-sexuality so far into the marriage (like you, OP) - it would pi$$ me off. Not because you are bi-sexual but because you kept it from me for so long. In my mind, I would think you are telling me this now because the next step is you want to explore. I know you said you have no desire to do that ...But, seriously, what's the point in bringing it up now? You haven't cheated, you don't plan on it, you have no desire for men since you have your wife....What is there to tell?

I say keep it to yourself, you have created a life for yourself that you love. There's no need to change any dynamics at this point.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

Timmy78 said:


> Hello Everyone,
> 
> I am a 37 year old. Married with 2 kids. Been married for 5 years and together for 15. I am very happy with my wife and consider myself very lucky.
> 
> ...


Your only motivation to tell her is for complete honesty? 

Given the fact that you came to a forum to get opinions of strangers about how they would respond to such news, leads me to believe that you and your wife do not have open and honest communications about sex in general.

If this was a topic presented to me by my husband (assuming he and I never really talked openly about our sex lives-past and present), I would have a difficult time swallowing this pill. 

It leads to a lot of fill in the blanks for why you are sharing this after SO many years...


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## Timmy78 (Apr 11, 2015)

I have deliberately not posted for a while. I wanted to take the time to think about all of your posts ( I appreciate them all) and I don't think that at this stage I can tell her. I can't take the words back once I have told her. 

I still have absolutely no desire to experiment or cheat etc. As some of you have stated, I could I my kids a lot of grief and this is something that I would struggle with. 

I just need more time to think.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I would be seriously bummed out if my H told me he was attracted to men. It would change the way I feel about him sexually and would wonder, in bed, if his thoughts were of a man. I don't think I could ever feel the same about him and our relationship. 
You are not a terrible person and I don't think you have to tell her but that is only if you are 100% certain that you are being honest with yourself about whether you want to act on it.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Woman here, ongoing 35 years married, married at 22 years old and husband married at 24 years old. This is first time marriage for both of us. If my husband told me that he is bi-sexual, it would change my view of who he is. Honestly, I would not want a man who is attracted to another man. I would amicably divorce.

It is best for you not to divulge to your wife about your bi-sexual tendencies, unless you are willing to accept the ramifications of your decision. Many straight women could not accept a bi-sexual husband. Your decision...


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

secrets kill a marriage. and this is a big one. sure you can say I would never act on it but time will tell.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ComicBookLady said:


> I believe you are right she deserves to know, and to make decisions based on that knowledge. It may be that it could cause issues, but I think if your marriage is solid they could be worked through and you'd have the opportunity of a stronger relationship afterwards. And if this is something she cannot handle, then it is her decision she deserves to have the opportunity to make.
> 
> However, she may be the type that would prefer to never know this about you, but I don't know if your wife falls in that category. *I* would want to know. Only you knows if she would appreciate full disclosure on this or not. Just be ready for the questions, concerns, worries, and issues that may arise.


The thing about people is.. we are all so very different .. I am the type that would WANT TO KNOW.. no matter what, if that's a part of who you are.. and you never plan to act on it. ..I just would WANT TO KNOW.. I would be thankful he told me.. even if it did shake me a bit ..and surely I'd have some questions to help me further understand (even if that's a stretch)....

I am with Unbelievable's post.. that the vast majority of us have sexual fantasies.. things the other may not be able to grasp....but so what...if we are also a person of *self restraint *in living out our lives, committed to our families.. if you are not obsessing over this like it's some Unfulfilled desire you must explore.

If you hold the secrecy of it.. it may grow a little more.. over sharing with her.. 

But then...maybe she is the type that would PREFER to never learn this truth... feeling it best left unspoken.. "What we don't know won't hurt us"... 

Which side of that coin is your wife .. is the question?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Roselyn said:


> Woman here, ongoing 35 years married, married at 22 years old and husband married at 24 years old. This is first time marriage for both of us. If my husband told me that he is bi-sexual, it would change my view of who he is. Honestly, *I would not want a man who is attracted to another man.* I would amicably divorce.
> 
> It is best for you not to divulge to your wife about your bi-sexual tendencies, unless you are willing to accept the ramifications of your decision. Many straight women could not accept a bi-sexual husband. Your decision...


So... in order to maintain an _image_ of who he is, he should just basically lie by omission? I mean, not knowing does not change the fact.


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