# I noticed something



## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

I have read alot of stories in alot of places and have noticed that alot of the time the cheaters are cheating with people from work or with friends and nights out without the spouse . i have also seen it for myself in real life . my exw did the same thing with a co worker . as soon as i found out and i did because i knew the red flags . i divorced her asap and did not regret it . my kids was young but was on my side . spouses should always be looking for red flags .

When i was growing up and before i was even dating i had always heard that guys always cheat and it was never the woman . but as i stated dating i soon found out that it wasn't true . the women in my relationships cheated and i never did . so after a few girlfriends cheating and me catching them i soon figured out the red flags and always keep an out for them . after marriage and found out she cheated and i divorced her i didn't hide what she had done from kids or anyone else . so she could not slander me . i told the kids so they could watch for red flags when they got married and they would know what kind of damage cheating can do . 

And i always investigate anytime i have a gut feeling something is wrong . i believe that spouses should always have access to each others phone and anything else . if a spouse is more worried about privacy then you there is a problem . they don't want you to know what they are doing because they want you as a blankie if you know what i mean . they want there cake and eat it too . 

Anytime they want to go out with co worker after a day at work is when the trouble will begin . 

I have looked it up and in some states if a affair starts in a work place the BS can sue the company for mental and physical damage . that is why alot of work places say no fratanising between employees because they maybe held accountable for it . and some states let you sue the AP . i think both of them should be federal law . 

I just had to get that off my chest . thanks for reading . you can comment if you want


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Yeah. I can attest that it seems more women are cheating nowadays. “Closing the gap” apparently. This is definitely a 'cultural' thing now with many of my coworkers. And true that in some states you can sue for alien of affection. But no-fault states don’t count adultery in divorce unless it’s an active hindrance to the best interests of the children.

Society is ever-changing. I'm gonna be bold and even say that fidelity doesn’t mean much in relationships anymore. Not like it used to.

Then again, I’m also old-fashioned.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

Am i wrong in thinking most affairs start in the work place . and while out parting with so called friends . don't get me started on girls night out . i think that is a way of saying we are going to find someone to have sex with .


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

niceguy47460 said:


> Am i wrong in thinking most affairs start in the work place . and while out parting with so called friends . don't get me started on girls night out . i think that is a way of saying we are going to find someone to have sex with .


Many do. Husband and wives spend way too much time apart anymore.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

I agree with you red oak


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Sounds like you handled it well on your end though.

Many BS's seem to think it's their job to help hide the affair, lie and hide the truth from their kids, family, etc.

Most who do this live in fear affraid they might leave when in reality they are already gone.

Kissing someone's ass in this circumstance never gets you a thing except more of the same.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

Thats what i say to many BS kiss the cheaters a** and stay because they love them or don't want people to know but they don't know that other people already know and is talking about how weak they are for taking it instead of blowing it up to every one they know . and the cheater will just do it again and again . 

I let everyone know even the workplace and his girlfriend and she broke right up with him . back when this happened there way no place like this to come and ask for advice . they both lost there job and places to live . she did because i kick her out . when that happened i felt good knowing they had lost everything . i didn't need IC .


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

niceguy47460 is right. There has to be a "set" to cheat before one does it. That's one of the reasons I have said previously, that nearly all affairs should end in D.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The only thing worse than the abject secrecy of covert deception and infidelity by the wayward spouse in their affair is by their sympathetic mutual friends and cohorts, who all know about it, but choose to keep it from their betrayed spouse, so that they can choose to retain their friendship with their betraying friend!

In my minds eye, this is every bit as bad as being a proactive accomplice to the infidelity that is being so unconscionably perpetrated against the betrayed spouse by their wayward partner!

And I should know this drill all too well ~ as my RSXW performed it to exacting specs against yours truly! And continues to unremorsefully do so, with total self-serving denial right up until, and even beyond this very day! *


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

Don't let my name fool you . i am a niceguy untill i get mad . when i get mad i am going to blow sh** up . i have never hit a woman and never plan to . that was the way i was brought up . you never hit a woman is what my dad tought me . and i can be the most loving caring guy in the world but you cheat on me and everyone will no about it . 

When i divorced the XW i got custody of the kids with her just having visits with them . and she had to pay child support . i fought like hell for my kids . oh she tried the hole crying thing and all that but i was done with her period . i showed her that by have another woman in my bed a week later after i kicked her out . maybe that is why i didn't hurt like some people do is because i wasn't going to go through all that self pitty self and wonder if i was doing the right thing . she is the one that cheated not me . 

People need to all way be on the look out for any kind of red flag in today's world . spouses will cheat given the chance . if you or your spouse goes out drinking and going to parties or they go out with friends drinking sooner or later they will cheat . like i said before the work place is also a good place for a affair to happen too .


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

One story I often see is a woman having an affair with her boss. There's something about the nature of the relationship that makes it conducive to an affair. She respects him and he has authority over her. This often seems to naturally transform into a sexual relationship. The red flag I would tell husbands to be on the lookout for is a wife spending a lot of friendly time with her male boss, or speaking about him with great respect.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

So I'm a little concerned as to why your women keep cheating on you?


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

The first 2 was ****s and i didn't know it


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

niceguy47460 said:


> The first 2 was ****s and i didn't know it


Not sure what word that was. ****s, ****s, ****s, or ****s?

Why do words need to be blocked anyway? ****!


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

niceguy47460 said:


> People need to all way be on the look out for any kind of red flag in today's world . spouses will cheat given the chance . if you or your spouse goes out drinking and going to parties or they go out with friends drinking sooner or later they will cheat .


You are generalizing here. Some spouses will cheat if they're out of your sight for an hour, others under no circumstances whatsoever. Human beings are a varied lot.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

I think the ladies had gotten some great publicity somehow for decades but I totally agree with you. I've been in 4 serious relationships in my life. My wonderful wife is one of them and she has never cheated on me. The other three all cheated. I've never cheated on anyone. I think the real data is different than generally accepted ideas about who's doing the cheating.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

I am not saying every woman cheats or every guy cheats . all i am saying is people should be on the lookout for red flags because you never know now a days with all the things that are out there to hide a affair . back in my younger days it was alot harder to hide one . with cellphones and the internet it is alot easyer to have one and hide . i mean you got texting apps and all that . after all everyone is human so you can't say they won't you can only speak for yourself . i mean no one can actually say there spouse won't because you can't read there mind or heart or there true feelings . you can only guess . all it takes is for the right person to come along and say all the right things to them . i am just saying people should be on the lookout because you never know .


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

niceguy47460 said:


> I am not saying every woman cheats or every guy cheats . all i am saying is people should be on the lookout for red flags because you never know now a days with all the things that are out there to hide a affair . back in my younger days it was alot harder to hide one . with cellphones and the internet it is alot easyer to have one and hide . i mean you got texting apps and all that . after all everyone is human so you can't say they won't you can only speak for yourself . i mean no one can actually say there spouse won't because you can't read there mind or heart or there true feelings . you can only guess . all it takes is for the right person to come along and say all the right things to them . i am just saying people should be on the lookout because you never know .


My outlook/expectations in what I'm looking for in a partner changed drastically after my exW cheated. That is my only episode with a cheater. The people that keep getting cheated upon, really need to dig deep on why they keep finding themselves in these situations. Is it yourself ('doormat'-itus)? Is it a type of women/men you are attracted towards? I mean $hit happens sometimes, but I can kind of tell if someone is a good bet or a bad bet for marriage or LTR. I see lots of red flag now when I ignored them prior. I ignored it with my first wife because I was trying to do the right thing, but I kind of always knew she wasn't a good bet.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

At my workplace, almost everyone cheats. It's ridiculous. I have never heard anything about the lady in charge (so maybe she is the exception; she runs the business with her husband) but everyone else does. Oh, and I am the other exception. I have a Don't-Get-Involved-With-Women-You-Work-With rule so I don't involve myself in the general orgy. As a result of this many women there don't like me. I don't care. If I want a woman, I prefer going outside work to get one. I am at work to work.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

Just read a story on another site posted by the cheater . she went on a trip with several coworkers and ended up cheating with one of the male coworkers . and the male coworker took pictures of the two of them having sex and sent them to her phone in text messages . she didn't delete them and when she got home from the trip the husband asked to see her phone and saw the pictures and got really mad yield at her and divoiced her . she thought she was in the right to have the affair just because he yield at her for having it . 

So all i got to say about that is wow


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## Beccagirl (Dec 23, 2018)

Whats worse is when in- laws/friends/family chooses the ex in the aftermath


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

That is bad . that means that them family members have no respect for you . and the friends never was your friends and knew about the affair before you and may have even helped make it happen . they may have even got some off her too .


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## Beccagirl (Dec 23, 2018)

niceguy47460 said:


> That is bad . that means that them family members have no respect for you . and the friends never was your friends and knew about the affair before you and may have even helped make it happen . they may have even got some off her too .


This happened to my neighbors friend.

, HIS friends ex cheated on him with his high school friend that his parents adored, his ex-‘friend’ still went to family events and was still adored and brought his ex gf. His dad then defended his ex-friend and saying he was jealous of him which ultimately resulted in him flipping out and cutting ties.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

niceguy47460 said:


> ...she thought she was in the right to have the affair just because he yelld at her for having it .


You often hear this mixed-up logic. It's usually "How dare you invade my privacy?!" So yeah, you were having sex with another man, lying to me, breaking your vows, but the real crime is that I looked at your phone. Then it's "You don't even have the decency to trust me! It's your issues with trust that caused me to cheat!"


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

niceguy47460 said:


> spouses will cheat given the chance


Spoken like a true Nice Guy (and that's not a good thing).

Have you read the book No More Mr Nice Guy? It might be enlightening as to why these things happen to you.


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