# not sure what to do next



## NDhusband61 (Oct 19, 2011)

I will try to be quick. besides a serious concern about my wife's infidelity. there is a big problem from the beginning with affection. Been married about 10 years. dated for about 1o prior (on and off, mostly on). 
She is not affectionate/happy. I need hugs, kisses. I want to laugh and smile together. This rarely happens. I don't need someone all over me 24/7, i just want to be loved. (i sound like the girl in this relationship) i have called her out on it and she says this is who she is and will not change. she jokingly says she is the man in the relationship. which obviously pisses me off.
I guess i have been hoping and hanging onto something that may be ending. we have 2 kids together. i want the kids to see a happy laughing couple. not 2 people who are "roomates" yeah we function well "living" together, but thats it.
my interest and hers are not the same. 
when we got married we were in the "party" stage of our lives. now, i do not drink much or am into the same music etc.
i am very healthy and athletic. she is not.
it seems like we were on a path and the road split and she went one way and i went the other.
the whole infidelity thread is a whole other story. whee i dont even know the truth.
needed to vent.. thanks for listening to my random thoughts..
this is so complex. not 1 thing that is wrong.. bad on many levels.. 
she also refuses to talk to a MC


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

If she is not willing to change, and refuses to talk to a MC, I would say your options are limited. It's admirable that you want to stay together for your kids, it's something I typically firmly advocate. But if both people aren't willing, then one person has to decide the options and figure out what is the best example for the children. 

Do you move on, find happiness and show that to the children with someone else, or show them that staying stuck and unhappy is the best way to live? There are tons of pros and cons aren't there? My suggestion is to get into some individual counseling for yourself to help you through this. When you come to the final decision, you will feel more at peace with it and it doesn't sound as if you are quite there yet.


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## NDhusband61 (Oct 19, 2011)

@Mindful Coach- Thank you. Your advise is much appreciated.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Is divorce out of the question for you? Seriously, unless you are okay with the current situation, letting her know that the burden is on her to stop the divorce proceedings seems to be your only option, if you are trying to say that you want to work it out.


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## Rach74 (Nov 8, 2011)

Have you tried talking to a relationship coach? I have one who has helped me tremendously, they're cheaper than a therapist and offer honest insight from both sides. If you'd like her information I'd be more than happy to give it to you


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

What are you looking for? You have posted this same message on a couple of different areas of TAM. People have given you advice. So what do you want?


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## maddison (Nov 26, 2011)

I often wonder weather spouses who refuse to go to MC know exactly what is wrong with your relationship (ie not in love however happy with lifestyle) and obviously don't want to reveal this to you as you would leave, which is very selfish. These are !!!OUR!!! lives people we can't let someone else dictate weather we have good or bad lives, our lives go on with or without them and spending the rest of our lives trying to be good, be bad, manipulateing, whining, nagging, crying, in order to try squeeze some love out of our spouse doesn't sound like a fulfilling life :sleeping:.
Also if your wife is unfaithfull she is taking from life exactly what she wants rather than sharing your life she is taking what she needs from you ie safe comfortable home enviroment but is lacking passion from other parts of her life sounds like she is getting her needs met:scratchhead:


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

NDhusband61 said:


> @Mindful Coach- Thank you. Your advise is much appreciated.


 You're welcome. I hope it works out for you.


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