# Martyr Complex?



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Like most on this forum, I feel as though I'm living in emotional turmoil. I can't even seem to get a divorce rolling, and I have to work with the estranged husband to boot. My counselor says I have lived with a narcissist all these years. I guess I have learned to tune out much of the behavior associated with the narcissism--mainly the sarcasm and condescending remarks. However, as the estranged husband's "house of cards" continues to collapse, I have to also deal with the "martyr complex" a lot. It is driving me nuts! Has anyone else had a martyr? How best do deal with it?:scratchhead:


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

According to a websearch here are the characteritics
of someone with martry complex.


The characteristics of such persons include

They have the need to be a victim and complain always and relentlessly. 
They take little initiative in trying to fixing any complaint. 
If any problem is solved, but in a different way than what they proposed, the problem still exists, as far as they are concerned. 
If any problem is solved according to their solution, they will find another problem to complain about. 
If any problem is solved, it is because they complained about it. 
They complain about problems that do not concern them in the least. 
They do not appreciate any good things being done. 
They lie and twist facts to prove their point. 
They selectively forget, ignore or avoid any facts that may conflict with their point. 
They resort to name-calling when everything else fails. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You have to have good boundries with that person first and formost. Since your divorcing, you can also limit your time with him.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Unfortunately, I can't limit my time with him. Got to spend 10 hours a day with him. And currently the divorce is suspended. He also "picks and chooses" his martyr issues. For example, today is going to be a BIG pain. We had to let most of our employees go (because he wrecked our finances), so it will be the two of us ALL day. I'm going to hear how he has no employees and has to do everything by himself. Blah, blah, blah,..... He started this the other day and a nasty argument ensued. I finally just left. And it's soooo hard to just ignore the dang pity party (which he created). Till death do us part is starting to have merits. lol


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

yes I forgot.. you work together.

what happens after the divorce with that? you still going to be working together?


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

What happens if you walk away from the business? Besides credit ratings... 

Check with your county clerk about filing for divorce. There should be forms you can fill out yourself. The only reason lawyers are needed is if things get complicated. For a basic filing, you should be able to do it for a modest fee.

My exwife filed (from another state) and since the notifications required a signature receipt I couldn't do that. Never knew about them, in fact. Or rather, I knew there was something I was supposed to pick up, but not what. My hours precluded a trip to the post office at all. 

So, about 2 years after filing her papers, she was granted a default divorce. I didn't know about it for 3 years and then only because I filed and had her served and she called to say it was a done deal.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Maybe he is hoping if he acts like a jerk, you'll walk away...

you could look into him buying out your portion of the business I guess, which will get him away from you on a daily basis and improve your comfort level...
unless he owns the business and you just work for him, in that event, just walk away and get a new job.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Oh, if only things were so simple.....


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Things are that simple... someone owns the business. A business is not an emotional thing, it is business and with the business you can do what other business people do. If you are co-owners, you can sell off your half, you can become a silent partner and let him hire someone to do your job. A business is not an emotional thing and there are many avenues you can take if you want out. If he is badging you at work and creating a hostile workplace, call the police on him !!!
If you do not own the business, walk away... if you are a owner, see what you can do with your part to get out of there.


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