# Anyone post the OW on She's A Homewrecker . com?



## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

I read a blog post recently that mentioned the website shesahomewrecker.com where jilted wives can post a picture and the story on the OW, if she knowingly slept with their husband that was still married. Not someone that the husband lied to, or she found out about the wife later. This is for the evil women who go after married men with the intention of splitting them up from their wives. I think it's a great way to get any harsh feelings out while publicly shaming the OW for all to see. It comes up in a Google search of the name too, so if they ever have anyone google them (potential employer, or new man, etc) it will pop right up. I think it's great. There needs to be consequences for these "women" who go after married men. Yes, obviously the man is responsible for the affair, but if the OW had better morals and self value, she wouldn't be going for a married man in the first place. Especially when she KNOWS he's married!

Thoughts?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

It's wrong. 100% of the blame lies with the cheating spouse.

This is the equivalent of branding an A on the forehead.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Just seems like inviting more drama. In the case of 2 OM who were married I let their wives know they slept with my wife. Then I dropped it. I dealt with mine and I'd leave them to deal with theirs. Posting the info publicly would only serve to invite the drama seeking peanut gallery into what was already a crowded circus. 

If you have hard evidence of adultery, use it in court as your grounds for divorce. Then it would be on public record in the courts. Typically not worth the effort, but if you want to make an impact, that's the way to go.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Sounds like a terrific way to get your ass sued.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> Sounds like a terrific way to get your ass sued.


I was just about to post the same thing. The liability this opens up is huge.


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> Sounds like a terrific way to get your ass sued.


They say it's perfectly legal, as long as what is being said is the truth. Freedom of speech and all.


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

So these horrible women should be able to go after married men with no consequences? She doesn't have a husband at home, so no one there to deal with what she did. She knowingly went after a married man, even after I told her personally to leave him alone. I just think there should be some repercussions to her for what she did to me. Of course my husband is to blame for his cheating. But it wouldn't have happened if she didn't initiate it. He didn't go out looking for an affair. It came to him and he acted on it. She knew full well what she was doing and I think there should be a price for her to pay for that.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Is there a male equivalent site?
Some men chase married women in the hopes of commitment free sex. 

This type of revenge or exposure that could potentially ruin every aspects of a persons life just seems cruel to me. 
If it could ruin the chances of them getting a job, I don't know if I would be comfortable with that.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> They say it's perfectly legal, as long as what is being said is the truth. Freedom of speech and all.




That still won't stop you from being sued. 

The "legality " protects the website, not you. 

Their TOS states they are not responsible for the content. You are !


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> That still won't stop you from being sued.
> 
> The "legality " protects the website, not you.
> 
> Their TOS states they are not responsible for the content. You are !


It's very easy to make a fake name and email. That's all they ask for to post. And if it's the truth then it's not slander.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> Is there a male equivalent site?
> Some men chase married women in the hopes of commitment free sex.
> 
> This type of revenge or exposure that could potentially ruin every aspects of a persons life just seems cruel to me.
> If it could ruin the chances of them getting a job, I don't know if I would be comfortable with that.


I think they were making a he's a home wrecker site too. Not sure though. I've seen men posted on the woman's site. 

Cruel is sleeping with a married man knowing full well his situation and what it's doing to his wife. That's cruel, is it not?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> It's very easy to make a fake name and email. That's all they ask for to post. And if it's the truth then it's not slander.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




The site has your ip address and under court order must provide it. 

Fake name is just harassment.


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> The site has your ip address and under court order must provide it.
> 
> Fake name is just harassment.


Then you don't post from your own ip. Regardless it's not slander if it's true. They can try to sue and waste their time and money but it's doubtful it will go anywhere. *shrug*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> That still won't stop you from being sued.
> 
> The "legality " protects the website, not you.
> 
> Their TOS states they are not responsible for the content. You are !


Exactly, you would be responsible for defamation of character liability. As long as they put on the site exactly what you gave them, they would have no liability, you would.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> Then you don't post from your own ip. Regardless it's not slander if it's true. They can try to sue and waste their time and money but it's doubtful it will go anywhere. *shrug*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They don't have to win. Just make it very expensive and difficult for you.

The laws have changed drastically over the past few years. The days of anonymous postings and revenge porn postings are long gone. Now you get hauled into court for a civil suit, or even a criminal case.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> Then you don't post from your own ip. Regardless it's not slander if it's true. They can try to sue and waste their time and money but it's doubtful it will go anywhere. *shrug*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You also risk escalation. They can damage your car or house etc. Send emails or letters to your employer or friends. They can lie. The damage will already be done. If done secretly, just like you, you won't catch them. Unless you want total war, don't do it.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> Cruel is sleeping with a married man knowing full well his situation and what it's doing to his wife. That's cruel, is it not?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cruel is being a married man sleeping with another woman, knowing full well what it will do to his wife. That's cruel, is it not?

As long as you post your adulterous husband's name and picture with his OW's, I see no problem.

She may have chased him, but he clearly wasn't trying very hard to get away. It's not like he tripped and fell while running away and accidentally landed with his penis in her vagina.


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Cruel is being a married man sleeping with another woman, knowing full well what it will do to his wife. That's cruel, is it not?
> 
> As long as you post your adulterous husband's name and picture with his OW's, I see no problem.
> 
> She may have chased him, but he clearly wasn't trying very hard to get away. It's not like he tripped and fell while running away and accidentally landed with his penis in her vagina.


Of course what he did was cruel as well. But this is about holding the OW accountable, separate from my husband. I thought TAM was all about exposure? He was exposed already to all family and friends. He is dealing with his consequences. Shouldn't she have repercussions as well? It's not like she didn't know he was married or was lied to by him. She knew everything. How it was destroying me. She contributed to it by texting me through his phone, rubbing salt in the wounds. She absolutely needs to be called out, from my point of view.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> Of course what he did was cruel as well. But this is about holding the OW accountable, separate from my husband. I thought TAM was all about exposure? He was exposed already to all family and friends. He is dealing with his consequences. Shouldn't she have repercussions as well? It's not like she didn't know he was married or was lied to by him. She knew everything. How it was destroying me. She contributed to it by texting me through his phone, rubbing salt in the wounds. She absolutely needs to be called out, from my point of view.


Sure, have at it. Just make it fair. If you're posting her sins online you must also post his. Make sure that, when someone searches EITHER of their names, it pops up that they are BOTH adulterers.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There are other sites are that are not gender specific.

This can back fire on you. it's about as tacking as it gets. do you really think that people are going to search the web to find out if she cheated with a married man? A man like your husband might just find that a plus, after all he was looking for someone to each with.

Would you also post your husband's name on the site?

Your husband is the one who betrayed you. She does not own you anything. He owned you everything.

Plus, when you play too much attention to the OW, you are giving her all kinds of power over you. The best revenge there is, is to treat her like she does not exist.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LostWifey said:


> They say it's perfectly legal, as long as what is being said is the truth. Freedom of speech and all.


That's not how I understand the libel laws.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> Of course what he did was cruel as well. But this is about holding the OW accountable, separate from my husband. I thought TAM was all about exposure? He was exposed already to all family and friends. He is dealing with his consequences. Shouldn't she have repercussions as well? It's not like she didn't know he was married or was lied to by him. She knew everything. How it was destroying me. She contributed to it by texting me through his phone, rubbing salt in the wounds. She absolutely needs to be called out, from my point of view.




TAM is for exposure as an attempt to save the marriage. It is not about revenge. You want revenge and punishment. 

Be fair. Post your sins too online. 

Be ready for their revenge in response to what you post.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Don't believe everything your husband tells you, OP. What did he say...''ohhh, she chased meeee.''  

He cheated on you. And if it wasn't with her, it would have been with another OW. Believe that. He might not have sought it out, but he encouraged her advances, if that is even true. 

So to post about this woman will not take away the fact that you married a guy who has no respect for you or the marriage. Spend less time thinking about her, and more time on what you plan to do moving forward. I'm sorry you find yourself in this place.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> That still won't stop you from being sued.
> 
> The "legality " protects the website, not you.
> 
> Their TOS states they are not responsible for the content. You are !


It might not protect the website. If a judge rules they are the publisher, then they could end up being sued. Hope their libel insurance is up to date! 

Their TOS have no basis in law as a defence, IMO.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LostWifey said:


> It's very easy to make a fake name and email. That's all they ask for to post. And if it's the truth then it's not slander.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If it is published, it is libel and not slander.

And it is perfectly possible for the truth to be a libel.

Can A True Statement Form the Basis for a Defamation Lawsuit? In a Controversial Ruling, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the First Circuit Says Yes


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

LostWifey said:


> They say it's perfectly legal, as long as what is being said is the truth. Freedom of speech and all.


What ''truth'' might this be? What your husband who cheated on you, is telling you is the ''truth?'' lol Trust me, you don't know the truth about this, and only they do. 

Your husband is just trying to do as much damage control as possible, and most cheaters ...they'll say anything. So, if you do post up his version of the truth, and it's wrong, that is libel. So be careful. Her story against his kind of thing.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

OP, I'm not saying posting her on there isn't wrong under your specific circumstances.

But, speaking generally, sites like this carry more negatives than positives. I see it being used by bullying adolescents and others to post stories about girls who have never done anything resembling infidelity. Just make up a story to harrass some poor girl. Because she isn't in the "in crowd" or for some other unrelated grievance.

Or more likely- guy breaks up with girl 1. Starts to date girl 2. Girl 1 gets pissed, posts girl 2 on this site.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Saw the site mentioned in another article a week or so ago and gave it a look. Decided to have some fun and ran a search... and came across an old co-worker within the first few results.

High-larious.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I just had a look at that site and it looks like a legal minefield.

The first post looks like utter fiction.

Apparently they allow children of 14 to open accounts 



> To use shesahomewrecker.com (“SAHW”), you must be at least 14 years old.



and they say that, if they feel like it, they might just ignore court judgments and court orders. :wtf:



> 3. Resolution of Complaints Regarding Inappropriate Content
> 
> As a matter of policy, we will remove any content from this site that we determine, in our sole editorial discretion, to be unlawful, obscene, inappropriate, or unduly offensive. It is our policy to comply with any valid/lawful court orders, however we can’t promise that we will always comply with every order or judgment we receive.


Terms of Service - She's A Homewrecker

Best avoided, IMO.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Saw the site mentioned in another article a week or so ago and gave it a look. Decided to have some fun and ran a search... and came across an old co-worker within the first few results.
> 
> High-larious.




It works as an OLD site too.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> Is there a male equivalent site?
> Some men chase married women in the hopes of commitment free sex.
> 
> This type of revenge or exposure that could potentially ruin every aspects of a persons life just seems cruel to me.
> If it could ruin the chances of them getting a job, I don't know if I would be comfortable with that.


If she knowingly went after a married man and ruined a marriage. If its legal I say more power the the betrayed wife. Blast the OW out of the water.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> It works as an OLD site too.


I could totally see that.

:lol: :rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> I could totally see that.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I found one in my small town.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

OP, if another OW sleeps with your husband, do you plan to post her name on the site too? or if you find out there was more than one?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Gus' Guide to Paranoid Posting

1. Buy USB wireless NIC

2. Buy pre-paid VPN subscription (*cough* don't register to your name!)

3. Go to Starbucks w/ laptop (and NOT the Starbucks that you typically frequent)
3a. Order latté (use fake name, pay with cash, and DON'T use any customer loyalty cards)
3b. Sit at table w/ your back in a corner (so that you can situate laptop screen out of view of any cameras)
3c. Disable onboard wireless NIC, plug in USB wireless NIC, connect to Starbucks wifi, connect to VPN

4. Post whatever you want, but be sure to write it from a 3rd person perspective (i.e. make no mention of "my husband", etc). State facts free of either passion or judgement and refrain from using words like "wh*re", "b*tch", "sl*t", etc.

5. Clean up
5a. Close out all browser and application sessions
5b. Log out of VPN
5c. Disconnect from wifi
5d. Unplug USB wireless NIC, power down laptop, leave
5e. Put USB wireless NIC away once home

*** Notes ***

Change host name (choose something completely random) on laptop prior to doing ANYTHING and change it back once done.

Have any posts pre-crafted prior to leaving house w/ laptop.

Pre-download any drivers that your laptop may need for the wireless USB NIC from either the enclosed CD or the Internet so that you have them w/ you, but DON'T test the NIC from home.

Be sure to use your browser's "Private", "InPrivate", or "Incognito" browsing mode.

If you're EXTRA paranoid, you can even wipe your laptop's drive(s) using a tool like DBAN. Be sure to back everything up first, though. You can also trash the USB wireless NIC (buy a cheapy).

If you're paranoid AND tech savvy, consider using a VM or bootable live CD to post your entries. Driver support for the USB wireless NIC -- and possibly the VPN as well -- may be lacking, though, especially w/ the live CD option.

*************

And w/ that, I think I'll go fold up another tinfoil hat for myself. :lol: :rofl:


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I see it being used by bullying adolescents and others to* post stories about girls who have never done anything resembling infidelity. Just make up a story to harrass some poor girl.* Because she isn't in the "in crowd" or for some other unrelated grievance.
> 
> Or more likely- guy breaks up with girl 1. Starts to date girl 2. *Girl 1 gets pissed, posts girl 2 on this site.*



This is what would bother me about a site like shesahomewrecker.com.

I like the idea; but it'd be way too easy for people to post tons of made-up sh.t about people they didn't like.

The site can legitimately claim total ignorance as to whether anything posted is truthful or not. 

Knowing this, I'd be real skeptical about anything I read there about anyone else.



> If you have hard evidence of adultery, use it in court as your grounds for divorce. Then it would be on public record in the courts. Typically not worth the effort, but if you want to make an impact, that's the way to go.


Lostwifey, I copied the above from Acoa's post upthread. I think this is your best bet. Legal and dignified.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Gus' Guide to Paranoid Posting
> 
> 1. Buy USB wireless NIC
> 
> ...




Lmao
Although, sadly, many people do this :/



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Did you also post your husband's picture and name on "Sleazy Husbands Who Can't Keep their Zippers Zipped.com?"

In true cheater fashion, it sounds as though your husband managed to paint himself the victim of a black widow spider OW who lured him in and he was powerless to stop it. Pfffft.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Bottom line is that she owes you no loyalty, your WH did, it's his ass that needs to be scorched, not the OW's. Sounds like you are laying most of the blame with her, wrong move. Your WH needs to take the heat and do the time.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

^^^

I agree. 

We sometimes get posters who want to destroy the OM/OW. That's usually displaced anger at their spouse. They're trying to R so they can't destroy their spouse and they want to go after someone else. Their need for revenge is high. They want the other person in the affair to pay. But that's not where their energy needs to go. 

I was in a similar situation as the OP. My ex-husband was heavily pursued by a woman who worked for him. But he didn't shut her down so I put the blame 100% on him because that's where it belonged. She didn't owe me anything. He owed me everything. I did tell her, privately, what I thought of her (not that it mattered in the least to her) but my problems were totally with him and not her. I decided to R the first time and to divorce the second time (same OW both times) but that was completely between us and not her. 

So my suggestion is deal with the situation you have -- R with your husband -- and forget your fantasy of destroying the OW. Rebuild if you can. If you can't then divorce him. But move on either way.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@LostWifey, were you asking the question because you're considering posting your h's ow on the site or is this a general discussion question?

If this is a general discussion question, then I agree with those that say posting OW/OMs on these types of websites is a waste of time and effort, and could backfire exponentially. 

If this is a question specific to your relationship, then I would caution you to stop looking at your husband as a victim. He's a serial cheater who had a ONS with a random bar chick while he was away on business, then went and started an affair with a local woman, gaslit you, and eventually moved in with her after you uncovered pictures of them together. He is no innocent lamb. I would even go so far as to say that he's the wolf.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

LostWifey said:


> They say it's perfectly legal, as long as what is being said is the truth. Freedom of speech and all.


*Having said that, it would cost literally thousands of dollars in legal fees alone, and quite possibly the appellate process, just for vindication all by itself

In a courtroom, the truth is a defense to slander or libel! But paying to uncover that truth can be rather financially exorbitant! 

Always remember: For as long as you are on the lawyer's meter, and you can afford it, they just absolutely love it!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

LostWifey said:


> Of course what he did was cruel as well. But this is about holding the OW accountable, separate from my husband. I thought TAM was all about exposure? He was exposed already to all family and friends. He is dealing with his consequences. Shouldn't she have repercussions as well? It's not like she didn't know he was married or was lied to by him. She knew everything. How it was destroying me. She contributed to it by texting me through his phone, rubbing salt in the wounds. She absolutely needs to be called out, from my point of view.


But TAM is not all about opening yourself to a slander lawsuit. Sure, you could go the stealthy route and try to hide that the post was from you. But that has a couple of issues. Firstly, it's chickenpoop and gutless. Secondly, if anyone can tie it back to you, it helps prove the point you knew it was wrong. That could help the OW get 'punitive' damages if she can prove it was posted by you. 

There is a recourse in the courts to sue the OW. Look up “criminal conversation” or “alienation of affection” and see if either applies in your jurisdiction. You will need ironclad proof. Typically proof of this level requires the use of a PI. Sadly I believe only a few states allow for this type of civil lawsuit, most have abolished it as there were too many frivolous claims filed by angry people with little to no proof.


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

I just came across this statement from the site owner:

"She says her goal is to give victims of affairs a voice and strike fear in women before they even think about becoming a mistress. “Hold up. I don’t want to involve myself with someone else’s husband. I don’t want to end up on shesahomewrecker.com,” said Alexander…“Yes, it’s a man’s fault. But I expect more from a woman. I think women should respect other women,” said Alexander. She says she’s received thousands of submissions, and admits not everything posted on her site may be true. But she says that’s not her problem."

Thousands of submissions. And the only lawsuits that I came across on google were dismissed. I don't know, it just seems like a way to get even. Yea, I do want revenge. This so called woman is evil to the core for what she was capable of doing to me. She knew what she was doing. She told me directly that she didn't care what it did to me or our kids, all she wanted was to steal him away. Yes, I know he chose me over her. Yes, I know she doesn't owe me anything. Yes, I know I shouldn't have taken him back. These are issues we are working on with our therapist. We both want to work on our marriage and he is wanting to change. And if it happens again in the future then that is the last straw and I'm out. This isn't about him right now or our issues. This is about the OW facing consequences for what she knowingly did to hurt another human being. I'm not the kind of person to let her get away with it when I know there is something that can be done to out her. 

It's been 2 months and yes, I am still angry. And I need to move on. And maybe by posting her on this site it will give me the closure I need. The satisfaction knowing that she didn't get away with it. Even if she never sees it. Or sees it 5 years from now. Just knowing that it's out there is enough.

I hate her and she is wasting my energy. Even coming to this site anymore keeps bringing her back into my mind. I need her gone so I can move on with my life.

This is an ABC news article and video showing both sides. Revenge Website ShesAHomewrecker.com Shames Accused Mistresses But Not Cheating Husbands - ABC News The lady Dana is an example of someone who I feel shouldn't have been put on the site because she was lied to by the husband. This isn't the case in my situation, considering I spoke directly to this woman and she knew he wasn't ready to leave his wife. The only reason he left is because I forced him to. She was getting joy in the pain she was causing me by screwing my husband and telling me I didn't give him what he needed so she will. She deserves this site.

Maybe I need to take some boxing lessons or something to get rid of my anger. I seriously have never hated anyone in my life like I hate this woman.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> Thousands of submissions. And the only lawsuits that I came across on google were dismissed. I don't know, it just seems like a way to get even. Yea, I do want revenge. This so called woman is evil to the core for what she was capable of doing to me.


Maybe 46 states have stopped allowing Alienation of Affection suits for a reason. Maybe that reason is that the wayward spouse is entirely responsible for their own behavior.

If you really want this woman out of your life and to get revenge on her, why not send her your WH? She'd be out of your life, she'd "win" a serial cheater, and you'd free to leave it all behind you and find a decent man. Win-Win.

Yes, I know your H chose you and all, but only because you made yourself an option.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What the site owners don't tell you is how many OW sought revenge on the poster. 

Nor is every lawsuit from this site posted. 

If OW is evil to the core, so is your H. 

If this woman is total evil, expect her to retaliate. 

Take it from someone like him, he won't change. 

But you won't follow our advice. Good luck.


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## Tiggy! (Sep 9, 2016)

I bet cheaters would love this site, their spouse takes revenge out on the AP instead of them. Just away heat from the real homewreckers imo.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Openminded,

You wrote, *We sometimes get posters who want to destroy the OM/OW. That's usually displaced anger at their spouse. They're trying to R so they can't destroy their spouse and they want to go after someone else. Their need for revenge is high. They want the other person in the affair to pay. But that's not where their energy needs to go. *

By attacking the OM/OW they are hurting the love object of their spouse and in a very real way are attacking their spouse in the most painful way possible. A strong statement needs to be made that cheating will not be passively accepted and will prove costly to the person they cheat with.

What happens more often with exposure of the OM/OW is that it destroys the wonderful memories of their affair, and puts them in a desperate mode of trying to salvage their reputation and life. 

The object of addiction needs to destroyed and rendered sterile. Even after 20+ years when I engineered a meeting between my W and OM, she practically had a breakdown when I told her afterward I was going to get the truth out of OM and was glad I now know what his kids look like.

Tamat


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

*Deidre* said:


> He cheated on you. And if it wasn't with her, it would have been with another OW. Believe that. He might not have sought it out, but he encouraged her advances, if that is even true.


 @LostWifey

100% true OP. She might very well be a tramp but tramps are a dime a dozen. Your hubby is the REAL POS who decided to lie to YOU then get his d wet somewhere else. 

I'm all for throwing the AP under the bus if you can get away clean. I mean, why the hell wouldn't you?!? But DO NOT FORGET that your husband deserves it just as much if not MORE because he's the one who married you.

She owes you nothing except human decency and we all know that's a rare trait in people these days. So don't count on it. However, you SHOULD be able to count on people CLOSE to you to make the right decision and if you can't trust them GET RID OF THEM.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

If i was the OW, i would go after you in retaliation if you posted that. Big time.

And of course i would assume it was you, even if someone else posted it.

You already said she is pure evil. 

You run risk of your car keyed or much worse. 

Also think how your H will react when he sees it. Of course you are going to mention his name too, right?


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

@LostWifey


I hear what you are saying, I really do. At a place I worked at, many years ago; this exact same thing happened. A very sexy single girl in the office knew one of the shipping guys was married and she set out deliberately to seduce him; and she succeeded. It was quite the scandal; before the laws came along about no workplace romances etc. etc.

I think these women (in this case it's a woman) are pond scum. A lot of folks here are saying "she doesn't owe you anything, your husband does". I get that too. But I think it's a bit inaccurate.

Your husband owes you the loyalty and devotion of a spouse. But other women owe you the societal decency of not knowingly pursuing a married man. We all owe each other that type of honorable behavior. When we forfeit right behavior, society starts to break down.

So, although she is not as wrong as your husband; I agree with you that she has violated part of the moral contract of our society.

Unfortunately, sad to say, I don't think shesahomewrecker.com is the answer. And like I said earlier, I totally understand it's appeal.

Just think of how it can be abused. Let's say I don't like you, _for whatever reason_. I'm jealous of your looks, or your money, or your happy marriage and family. And it's gotten to the point that I want to see you taken down a peg or two.

To jealous, envious people; places like shesahomewrecker.com are a dream come true. I log on anonymously with a throw-away email address and start posting all sorts of rubbish about what a wh.re you are and terrible things that you've done. And it can all be 100% fiction. And even if false; people like reading that kind of stuff; and it could take forever for you to contest it and get the site to take it down. 


I know, that in your case, your assertions about this woman are true. I just don't think you want to enter into a sh.t flinging match with someone of her character. I mean, how low can you go? I bet she can go lower, you know?

I think it is truly sad that most states have taken "alienation of affection" off of the books. I personally think those laws should be reinstated. If adultery is the cause of divorce; I don't think the divorce cause should be cited as "irreconcilable differences".

"Revenge is a dish best served cold"

"Before setting out on revenge; first dig two graves"


I do believe that "what goes around, comes around". Or, a more old-fashioned way of saying it, "the mills of God grind slowly, but they grind so incredibly fine", a.k.a. "God's slow, but he's sure".


I hope this helps, I'm trying to be encouraging, not patronizing or preachy. If you get dragged down into the trenches with this b.tch, it'll probably make *your* life that much worse.:frown2:


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I don't get the alienation of affection laws. If an H wants to get his D wet elsewhere, he should be able to do that. And you are free to divorce him. 

A two time cheater won't change. I would even say CANNOT change. I know.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> *I don't get the alienation of affection laws. *If an H wants to get his D wet elsewhere, he should be able to do that. And you are free to divorce him.
> 
> A two time cheater won't change. I would even say CANNOT change. I know.



The character of the cheater becomes known, is even on public record, to an extent.

I think that is important, and valuable.

"Irreconcilable differences" can mean anything. Not saying it shouldn't be used. It can be used most of the time, I suppose.

But if people cheat and break down marriages because of that; why not make it known?


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## Tiggy! (Sep 9, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> I do believe that "what goes around, comes around". Or, a more old-fashioned way of saying it, "the mills of God grind slowly, but they grind so incredibly fine", a.k.a. "God's slow, but he's sure".



:iagree:
A women who get's with a married man who is willing to betray his wife/children and a man who willing to throw his family under the bus will bite her in the a$$ someday.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Or worth it. It will accomplish nothing but make YOU look like a bitter schmuck imo.

Yes, you're bitter, you're angry, you're hurt. I get it. I HATE OW with every fiber of my being. I wish she'd get his by a bus. But she won't. She might live longer than me and she may live happier than me even.

But after double infidelity (his and hers) we decided to stay together. Focusing on OW brings me nothing but pain. I secretly wish all of her friends knew what scum she was. But it would solve nothing, because MOST people could care less what someone else has done unless it's directly affected THEM.

So my focus needs to be on US and not HER. I will never move forward focusing on her. Or revenge. Or exposure. I will be stuck in the past if I do that. And I will become a bitter old schmuck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

You know what's sad about these situations, too? You were probably considered the OW, to her. That's the thing with narcissists/cheaters...everyone in their lives feels that they're the OM/OW.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

notmyrealname4 said:


> The character of the cheater becomes known, is even on public record, to an extent.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




What if the wife won't have sex? Should i make that known too? Alienation of affection? Put that in public record?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

*Deidre* said:


> You know what's sad about these situations, too? You were probably considered the OW, to her. That's the thing with narcissists/cheaters...everyone in their lives feels that they're the OM/OW.




Not every cheater is a narcissist.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Not every cheater is a narcissist.


That's why I put a ''slash'' mark....to indicate either or.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> What if the wife won't have sex? Should i make that known too? Alienation of affection? Put that in public record?


If the spouse won't have sex; and it's gotten to the point where you can't stand it anymore and there has been an honest attempt to fix the problem . . . then get a divorce. That's your right in that situation.

You could put that in the record, absolutely. I think it would be called "sexual neglect", or "breach of a promise", or "neglect of obligation".

'Cause it does seem to me that there is an erroneous idea gaining ground, that you can marry someone, and not have to make some kind of effort to comfort them sexually.

How do we go about confronting that trend?

[sigh] I'm not talking about either partner being forced to do repulsive or injurious acts; I'm talking about continuing the sex life that was present at the beginning of the marriage----which barring age or true infirmity, should be expected to continue at a reasonable rate.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

OP, you want to publicly destroy this OW? 

The damage must not be that bad since you are not even divorcing your lying cheating husband. 

Your intended punishment doesn't fit the crime. 

The punishment is just only if you divorce.

When he cheats again will you post OW2 on the site?


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> OP, you want to publicly destroy this OW?
> 
> The damage must not be that bad since you are not even divorcing your lying cheating husband.
> 
> ...




Blue is right.
The issue is your anger is directed at the wrong person. Your H knowingly had a relationship with her. Yes she should have not gone after a married man but she did. Your H caused the harm by accepting her. 
Are you in IC? I get hating the other woman but to publicly destroy her is taking things to almost a crazy level. The only person who cares about this ultimately is you. You need to focus on where to put that hate and personally I'd be trying to put it towards something more constructive than this.
You are wasting a ton of energy that you could be putting to trying to repair your marriage IMO.

One other thing...a spouse just doesn't stray for no reason. You need to figure out what caused the breakdown in the marriage. I'm not saying it's your fault but obviously something was missing on the marriage for him to say yes to the OW. Put your energy into that.

Just my two cents.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

@LostWifey

As far as the website, nobody has ever heard of it so I doubt one person has ever said "Gee I really want to bed that married man but I don't want to end up on that website so I won't!"

As far as this woman goes, she deserves everything that is coming to her and more. I see a scenario where you post playing out two ways. 1. She doesn't give a damn, laughs st it, and wears her scarlet letter like a badge of honor (it tells other married men around town with money she's open for business)

Or 2 she goes bananas on you. Puts pursuit of your husband back into overdrive. Does everything in her power to make you AND YOUR KIDS miserable. Probably starts harassing you around town, posting crap about you online, lies, etc she won't care. You've already indicated she's vindictive. (And STILL wears the posting like a badge of honor at the end of the day)

Do you really need the extra aggrevation? If the answer is YES! that is absolutely fine! Just brace yourself for all possible fallouts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

citygirl4344 said:


> One other thing...a spouse just doesn't stray for no reason. You need to figure out what caused the breakdown in the marriage. I'm not saying it's your fault but obviously something was missing on the marriage for him to say yes to the OW. Put your energy into that.



OP, this ^^^ is the most important post in this thread. 

Do you know why he cheated?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> @LostWifey
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Good point. Many will see this as a badge of honor. 

Others with see it as a failing of the BS. If she had taken care of her husband, then he wouldn't have cheated. 

Some will see the SPOUSE as pathetic in posting on that site. 

Reading some of the posts makes a few of them appear sexually desirable, not a public shaming. Just being honest.


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## LostWifey (Nov 3, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> OP, this ^^^ is the most important post in this thread.
> 
> Do you know why he cheated?


Yes, I do. It wasn't sex related. We are in MC to work on our issues.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

LostWifey said:


> Yes, I do. It wasn't sex related. We are in MC to work on our issues.




Then focus on that young lady. Fantasize briefly about it but don't do it

You have a long road to recovery. You don't need this drama in your life. 

Save your mental energy for what really matters. Your hate of her will consume you. My brother carries extreme hate for his cheating ex wife a decade later. It still consumes him. Very unhealthy long term. Don't go there. 

Best that you are indifferent about her. She lives. Meh. Something bad happens to her. Meh.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

TAMAT said:


> Openminded,
> 
> You wrote, *We sometimes get posters who want to destroy the OM/OW. That's usually displaced anger at their spouse. They're trying to R so they can't destroy their spouse and they want to go after someone else. Their need for revenge is high. They want the other person in the affair to pay. But that's not where their energy needs to go. *
> 
> ...


This all depends on the situation. My exH could have purchased billboards to out my APs and I wouldn't have been hurt in the slightest nor would I have been too bothered by any possible upset my APs might have felt. Not all affairs are love affairs.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

Your story is very common. 

Finding the right life partner isn't easy ...it takes time and effort and is often frustrating. My son has a high paying job but only after many years of study - and a limited social life. Therefore, many of the women he dated were more experienced. My 31yo son was on match.com (on and off) for several years (not for casual dating but looking for a life partner). He used to update me on the 'first' dates (he called them interviews). It was a pretty good strategy that introduced him to 2-3 women for coffee/drinks per week - but still his success rate was about 1 in 10. So it's a numbers game. 

Lot's of posts here so if I recall correctly:
- she's still in contact with the ex so she's not over him,
- this isn't a one time fling ...her behavior was extremely self fish for an extended period of time as well as deceptive... not only did her behavior potentially undermine another's marriage -but she totally disregarded the impact on the man's children.

I read a book by Dr Phil where he said: The best predictor of future behavior is their past behavior.

Why expose yourself (or your future kids) to someone with a serious character flaw. 

Also, most people(men and women) are conscious of money ....or if not struggling then at least desire to improve their standard of living.
Since you make 3x more than her, the potential for her to be interested in you primarily for your paycheck is very real. 

Maybe you should mail the package of photos etc back to the ex's wife. Let her know that he's still in contact.

Finally, see this woman as a good learning experience and move on immediately. Don't get angry ...be happy that you didn't marry her and/or have kids with her.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

LostWifey said:


> They say it's perfectly legal, as long as what is being said is the truth. Freedom of speech and all.


"They" are wrong. I know some "theys" who tell this dangerous lie. But "they" are wrong.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Zombie thread. Locking. 

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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