# Sullen



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

When I was at lunch, I was facing a table that was in my direct line of view such that I could not help observing what was going on. 

It was a man, a woman, and a little girl maybe six. 

The whole time I'm ordering and waiting for my order, she is talking to the man while he turns his head away from her, looking down or off out into space instead of meeting her eyes and never nodding or saying uh-huh or saying anything at all to acknowledge her. 

The woman didn't look upset or anything. The little girl was pestering her the whole time. After their dinner, the woman walked the little girl around to sit on the side with him in the booth and then I guess she left. He completely ignored the girl, just off in his own little world, until dessert came and then he interacted with the girl over the dessert. 

Anytime I see something like this, some incommunicative, sullen person who is or was clearly part of the couple, I just asked myself why anyone would want to stay with them. What on earth are they getting out of it? 

He never even acknowledged that she was talking to him. She appeared to be used to it. I just think that's sad.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Half the dates I see anymore involve two people out together while they ignore one another to stare at their phones.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

If that's their normal behavior, they have a lot of regret coming.

My oldest got married a couple years ago and my other two are out of the house or occupied with jobs and young adult lives. I often think about the soccer games, coaching little league, Christmas plays, going to McDonalds, scouts, all our talks and laughs etc. As engaged as we were with them, there never seemed to be enough time. All those moments fade over time but I know through my kids eyes and the memories they recall, they had parents who were in the moment with them.

I can't imagine what I'd feel like now if I had squandered those times.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Enigma32 said:


> Half the dates I see anymore involve two people out together while they ignore one another to stare at their phones.


Well that's true. It could have been a sister or something but what reason would you have to be that rude to your sister.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> If that's their normal behavior, they have a lot of regret coming.
> 
> My oldest got married a couple years ago and my other two are out of the house or occupied with jobs and young adult lives. I often think about the soccer games, coaching little league, Christmas plays, going to McDonalds, scouts, all our talks and laughs etc. As engaged as we were with them, there never seemed to be enough time. All those moments fade over time but I know through my kids eyes and the memories they recall, they had parents who were in the moment with them.
> 
> I can't imagine what I'd feel like now if I had squandered those times.


I know!

I know I've seen lots of posts on the forums about mostly men who were uncommunicative and just wouldn't talk. I mean I just marvel at why anyone would waste another day of their life with someone like that.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Was it a weekend hand off? Do exes do Lunch with that? 
OTOH I get a lot of looking at the back of her phone when we dine out. 
Stimulating intimate conversation is not generally high on the list of emotional needs for men. My theory is that you don't need what you get enough of.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I don't know. It was Monday noon. Could have been. you'd think he'd try to put on a little better manners for the daughter if nothing else. He just totally ignored her too until the dessert came and then there was some sort of exchange. I don't know why she was wasting her breath on him. She appeared to keep up a running conversation. They were having lunch together.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Maybe they had a recent fight and he was trying to be quiet and civil while refusing to engage?

Just guessing here.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Maybe he just found out the little girl was fathered by the plumber?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

😋


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

He just looked like he was studiously trying to ignore her. I'm surprised he didn't stick his fingers in his ears and say la la la.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Bet there was silent hostility and he was trying to ignore her while she was trying to gloss over their conflict with conversation.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Bet there was silent hostility and he was trying to ignore her while she was trying to gloss over their conflict with conversation.


She seemed just normal, looked like she was just having a pleasant conversation.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Maybe the little girl had been "chatting" at him alllllllllll morning and he was trying to tune her out for some peace


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

frusdil said:


> Maybe the little girl had been "chatting" at him alllllllllll morning and he was trying to tune her out for some peace


Maybe. She was pestering her mother the whole time they were there. But then when the mother left her sitting by him she was just squirming around and not even trying to talk to him because he was just zoned out.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Poor little love


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Kid exchange was my thought. And, she initiated the divorce/separation. He was desperately trying to figure out what he was going to do with a 6 year old.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well that's true. It could have been a sister or something but what reason would you have to be that rude to your sister.


You don't know my sister. 😎😎 

It happens. But I've gotten more tolerant as I've aged.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Maybe he just found out the little girl was fathered by the plumber?


This is actually my biggest problem with porn. 
It gives women a totally unrealistic idea of how soon a plumber will call to your house.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> This is actually my biggest problem with porn.
> It gives women a totally unrealistic idea of how soon a plumber will call to your house.


Or how well endowed most pizza delivery boys are.😆


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Kid exchange was my thought. And, she initiated the divorce/separation. He was desperately trying to figure out what he was going to do with a 6 year old.


It must be so hard to leave your child with someone you know has never given them much interest before if that's the case. If that is what was going on, he sure should have been listening to what the woman was saying because it was probably instructions about the daughter.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It must be so hard to leave your child with someone you know has never given them much interest before if that's the case. If that is what was going on, he sure should have been listening to what the woman was saying because it was probably instructions about the daughter.


It's not to say that I haven't observed moments like this either, however, as @Conan has implied, you really don't know what was going on with him at that time. Who knows if all the other times he is completely engaged and such, and this was the one moment that you observed where he wasn't that way? He could have just received some really bad news or something. Okay, maybe not and he's disinterested, but you really don't know based on that short observation.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

heartsbeating said:


> It's not to say that I haven't observed moments like this either, however, as @Conan has implied, you really don't know what was going on with him at that time. Who knows if all the other times he is completely engaged and such, and this was the one moment that you observed where he wasn't that way? He could have just received some really bad news or something. Okay, maybe not and he's disinterested, but you really don't know based on that short observation.


It is what it is. At that moment he was very disengaged. It would bother me if someone was like that even once in awhile while I was talking to them and ignoring the child.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

You think you might be a little judgemental here???

How do you know what was going on with this man? Maybe he mother or father were sick or just passed away? Maybe he just lost his job? I could come up with countless other things that this man was going through, but you see this man ONE time, and he's not doing what YOU WANT HIM TO DO (or should be doing) and in your twisted mind you can't understand why someone would stay with him?

You're a piece of work!!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Defensive much? Looks like I hit a nerve. What is an excuse for not even acknowledging someone who's talking to you?


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

This is a perfect example of deflecting.

"Defensive"?

"Hit a nerve"?

Look in the mirror!!

You know NOTHING about this man.
What he may be going through.

Yet you watch him a few minutes and you have him pegged and know everything about him. So much so that you came to TAM to share your JUDGMENTAL thought/observation that how in the world could anyone stay with a person like this.

It must be great to be God and have ALL the facts (ALL KNOWING) and have EVERYONE figured out. 

Maybe everyone should address all of their questions here on TAM to you since you have everything and everyone figured out.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Or how well endowed most pizza delivery boys are.😆


😂


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

sideways said:


> This is a perfect example of deflecting.
> 
> "Defensive"?
> 
> ...


Little harsh don’t you think?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

sideways said:


> This is a perfect example of deflecting.
> 
> "Defensive"?
> 
> ...


And deflecting is exactly what YOU just did, so don't expect me to draw any other conclusions.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

My first thought was maybe the guy has Asperger's. He may be limited in his ability to interact.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

It did occur to me he might be on some spectrum. I mean this went on for at least 30 minutes and it seems like being that impolite would also make you very self-conscious and awkward trying to keep that going. I mean you have to be studiously trying to not have any reaction when someone is talking. Anyone would have to struggle not to either nod or shake their head no or something.


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