# My Story...feel free to add yours!!!



## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

So here's my story, feel free to comment w/ advice or add your story in reply!!!

I am pregnant, my last pregnancy ended in a miscarriage immediately after flying on an airplane, although no one can confirm that was what caused it...once I found out I was pregnant this time I was not exactly itching to fly this go around. Me and DH had been planning a trip to Cali to see his brother and wife...I decided DH should go alone and still see his family but I just didn't feel safe flying so early in my pregnancy again. To make a long story short, DH cheated on me while he was there with one of the wifes friends...I had a bad feeling the last few days he was there because he was ignoring my calls and not calling me like he had been. When he got back I found a bunch of messages on his facebook between the two of them over the course of the first week he was home, once confronted he admitted the truth, he stopped all contact with her, i check all his accounts, phone calls, texts, etc...so far i've seen nothing to make me think anything is going on with her or anyone else. But I just can't seem to let it go, I think about it all the time, she was hispanic...so anytime i see a hispanic girl on tv i start feeling really bad. Today has been 3 months since it happened, and I can't help but think about it... I'm trying so hard to trust him again but part of me just thinks I'd be stupid to do that so soon.


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

It's tough to know when you fully trust them again...and it takes time. Take comfort in the fact that he's not in contact with her anymore. It took me about a good 4 to 5 months to really feel like I could trust and forgive my husband after his affair. And it really came down to him being trustworthy and me having to choose to trust him.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

sntdwn2ufrmhvn said:


> I'm trying so hard to trust him again but part of me just thinks I'd be stupid to do that so soon.


Tell me what "so soon" means. I mean, what does that determine? That you'd be less stupid to trust him if it takes you longer? That there is some kind of time frame that you should adhere to? That he will be more trustworthy if it takes you longer? That he will know you mean business if it takes you longer? What does that statement mean?

This could be you iiiiiiinnn......6 months? a year from now? 10 years from now? Or, it may never be you. Trust him now or never trust him. I don't believe it matters. He is going to do what he is going to do, and you won't be any less hurt the next time it happens, if it happens again. And, I believe it will happen again. The reason is that he jumped at the first opportunity. There will be many other opportunities to present themselves over the course of the next saayy 20, 30 years. No reason to think he will last that long. He didn't last this long.

So, it sounds like you are looking for a time frame to trust him again. Again,my advice is to trust him now or never trust him. I don't believe it matters. The real question to me is to wonder why you are sitting there wondering about it. I'd be gone already. But that's just me, and no one seems to be like me. So you might as well forgive him now. Why torture yourself any longer because there is no time frame for hurt feelings and torture. And that is what you are living on right now - your hurt feelings. You will threaten to leave him if he ever does it again, and that makes you feel better, to feel like you have some control of the situation. But you don't have control. He jumped too quickly, and he will jump again. How long will it take you to forgive him the next time, or will that be the question again?

I think women who cannot bring themselves to act on their own behalf when their husbands cheat should agree for their marriage to be an open marriage. That way, there are no hurt feelings, no betrayals, no question of a time frame on forgiveness, and they can have their own fun, too. Maybe he will never, ever do this again. That is what he's been telling you, so maybe he can be trusted since he keeps crying and begging. Had he not jumped so quickly or if I could see any kind of reason, like extended problems in your marriage, then maybe I could see ever trusting him again. Since you have not expressed that the two of you have had problems for years, and since you are early with child, I don't see any reason for him doing this. Not that there ever is a justifiable reason, but still.


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## Thermaltake (May 24, 2010)

It's really hard to rebuild the trust when somebody..especially your husband cheated you or lied to you. I've been married for 5 years, I can say I have a good married life..but there's one incident happened last year when I was out of town for 2 nights without my hubby and found out that on the 2nd night I wasn't home that my husband never went home too. All the while, I thought he was just at home and surfing the net. We even exchanged text messages saying good night and iloveyou but to my surprise the next morning when I called him on the home phone that he never went home. I asked him that morning when I called him on his cell phone where did he go and why he did not even tell me where he was.. He just told me that he was in his office working to meet the deadline of his project. But, since they say woman's instinct, I did not believe him. I know there's something else. I asked him every now and then about the truth and he insisted on telling me that he was just busy working then so he did not have time to tell me where he was..Do you think that's right? given the fact that I'm his wife?! Come'on! I tried to stop asking him about that but there's always something inside me telling me that I should need to know what happened that night when he never went home and did not bother to tell me where he was..So now, after a year, he told me..He told me that he never cheated me..he was just celebrated a friend's birthday with his other previous coworkers (boys' night out) and that's it! nothing more, nothing less! For a year, he kept on telling me that he was at his office working and then now he told that he had just a boys' night out?! where did he sleep?! It's really unfair, right? What do you think should I do? do I need to forgive him for lying to me about that incident for a year or what? I don't what to do. It seems that it's no big deal for him. but he destroyed my trust. I was asking him why he did not even bother to tell me, if it's a boys' night out..it will be fine but he should have told me. until now, I don't know if that's only the real thing that happened..what if there's someone there with him and had slept with him. I really love him but I don't know what to do right now. I don't know if he really is telling the truth since he lied to me from that one incident for a year. Can somebody help me think?! I would really appreciate opinions and advices. Thanks a lot!!


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

Thermaltake- well it's unfortunate but most men don't and won't admit the truth until you have enough proof to prove them otherwise. If you think he's lying to you still, you could look at phone records, emails, facebook if he has one, and text msgs...if he lied to you then and you haven't found out the truth there IS a chance he could still be doing something behind your back.


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