# using your wife in marriage as slave



## mother (Oct 5, 2010)

I am a worried mother. I am worried for my daughter, for her well being and her future. Her husband is a very lazy man, but it is not just about that. My daughter has a child, 2-year-old, and now she is 7 months pregnant again. She loves him but I believe that he does not deserve it. When she came home after her first labor with c-section, she had to do everything herself, even to go down to the basement with a heavy laundry basket. Her daughter was only a couple of weeks old when he always invited friends to their house for socializing and, of course, his wife had to clean up after that. Nursing a baby is not an easy tusk for a woman because it takes all her energy and internal resources from her. Almost every weekend their house was full of people. Besides that, one of his male friends came and stayed at their house for three weekends in a row (meaning Friday, Saturday, and Sunday). In the house when a woman nursing a baby it is not too comfortable for her to have a stranger all day long? He is not too caring I mean her husband. One weekend we came up to visit our daughter, she was all alone without any food in the fridge. Nursing your baby you need lots of energy and for that you have to have a good diet not to be hungry. Fortunately, we brought food with ourselves. You had to see it how she attacked the food, she was hungry. In the afternoon her husband came home with his male friend, both very happy laughing and saying that they just dropped to have some sushi and it was very good. They went right away to the living room to play video games not even saying ‘hello’ to his wife or giving a kiss to his little daughter. His wife mentioned that to him and he finally came over to look at them. I asked: “You ate and you are fine, did you bring anything to your wife?” He said:” Oh, I asked her, she said she was not hungry.” “Yes,” I said, “it was in the morning and now it is evening.” You should have seen him when we go to the Mall. He runs away, buy something for himself, eats it all and then he is fine. It does not matter to him that his wife and his little daughter did not eat yet anything. When he eats he does not even know that they are there until he is full, like an animal. But, even after that he would not volunteer to bring his wife or his daughter something. What a husband and what a father? In the house he rarely does anything. Everything that is heavy and dirty job is done by his wife. He would not help her to take heavy laundry basket downstairs. He does not like carpets, he says that he is allergic to dusk, so he replaced the carpet with hardwood floors. He is attentive to his own needs or problems that is for sure. One weekend we were there at their house. He got up late and sat down with us to have a lunch. There was some tiny bite on his hand, probably a mosquito. He sat there looking at it as if it was a serious injury. He would not cut the grass, he would never clean anything in house, he would not hover the floors, and he just sits all day before his computer screen and that is all. He would never get up at night if his daughter cries. It always his wife even if she is pregnant, tired and have to travel the next day through entire city to work. His pregnant wife travels an hour and a half to her work across the city by bus then go-transit and again bus, but he 6-foot, 200-lb. man jumps into the car and comfortably drives to his work. When his wife was working while pregnant and the same case now, he is working from home, but when his wife with the little baby stayed home for a year he went to work saying that he has a new boss who requires everybody to appear at work. Now that she works again, he stays home again. He is not willing to provide well for his family. He, 33 year old, makes only $56,000/year with his computer engineering degree and he has to pay $500 something per month back for his ASEP. My daughter has none to pay. He is not willing to change his job because he feels comfortable there with all the freedom he has. And listen to this; he says that the secret of living well is not to make lots of money but to spend little. But he is not willing to give up his motorcycle that he bought from his wife’s bonus. So he uses the car and he uses the motor when he goes for a ride with his male friend. I would rather to be forever alone then to have a husband like that to serve him. Besides, she is smart and he is not. But, see how smart people can be stupid and the wily, cunning people despite their stupidity can abuse those who are good-natured. So, we love our daughter but it hurts our heart to see how she is treated. And now when she is only 30 she has enough energy to go through it but what will be when she turns 45. What can be done?


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

From a mother's standpoint, I feel your pain. The thing is, this is your daughter's choice. I'm sure there are many aspects to her marriage that you do not see. You did not mention if your daughter has said she is unhappy. My advise is to be there for your daughter, but don't butt in. It could damage your relationship with her.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

This man is nothing but junk! He behaves like a stupid single man. Maybe it is a good idea to bring home your daughter and grand kid? You might want to talk about it with your daughter. I'd like to know her interests.
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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

If this happens to my own daughter, first of all, my husband will give him a punch for being a jerk to our daughter. Secondly, we tell her she's always welcome to come home and the door will be always open for her.
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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

She is a good-natured girl and sometimes doesn't know how to protect herself from being taking advantages and advantages. As parent, I will not hesitate to be there for her and step in when she calls me for help.
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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

What i say is not meant to be over critical of your or to insult you. But you somehow raised a doormat. Because she shoulda nipped this behavior in the bud a long time ago. She didn't and now he's set in his ways of the marriage, so it will take alot of arguing and fighting for him to change. She had to see signs of this before they even got married, she choose to ignore them and assume they'd get better. These problems usually never do.


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