# Ladies, did pregnancy make you resent your husband?



## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

Ladies, did pregnancy ever make you resent your husband? 

I’m 8 weeks pregnant. I’ve been having these thought about how nature decided to put the pregnancy burden all on women, and it’s making me resent my husband and all men. I completely understand I’m being extremely irrational, but I don’t give a damn at this point. 

It’s unfair how he can keep his body, he can eat whatever he likes, he can do whatever he wants, and I will be the one dealing with the nausea, the stretch marks, the back aches, constipation, constant gas, hemorrhoids, peeing every 5 minutes, and the horrible mood swings. 

If I say I’m tired or sleepy, it’s seen as a lame excuse. “You feel sleepy/tired already?” Yes, I was growing a lung today for the child. But when he feels a bit off from allergies or waking up early or whatever, he goes to bed because why not. 

Then at the end, after everything I have gone through for 9 months, the baby will automatically get his last name, no questions about it. It’s like taking credit for everything I have done and gone through. All he has done really is ejaculated during a good night and got off. 

Also, him possibly not being attracted to my body after pregnancy, where he may start lusting after other fit women after getting me pregnant, makes me so angry. 

Again, during some moments of clarity, I know this is irrational. But right now is not one of those moments. 

Overall my husband has been supportive. Just those comments like “you feel tired already?” piss me off so much and my mind then goes into these thoughts of how nature really must hate women. That happened today. 

Any ideas on how I can stop resenting my husband? Sometimes I feel like I hate him. I know it’s my hormones going crazy, but I would appreciate some guidance.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

No one hates pregnancy more than me, giving birth is by far the most excruciating event of my life, my body got hammered during the pregnancies, I vomited and felt nauseous for most of all the pregnancies, I could barely walk with one of them, had ante natal depression with one of them, had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks with one of them. But nothing is more amazing than having the privilege of carrying and birthing a baby. I never wanted children but it changed my life forever, for the good.

It is not your husbands fault he cannot physically have a baby in fact I felt sorry for my husband that he was an outsider and would never get to experience what us women can. Don't alienate your co parent and husband. This new little life needs a solid start to life and that means parents that are a team.


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

I didn’t enjoy being pregnant even though I had a relatively complication free one. I didn’t resent my husband during pregnancy but I was more annoyed after the baby came when I was deprived. If you’re feeling this resentment you should deal with this now before baby comes. 

Also, talk to your husband about helping out when baby comes. You’re carrying the baby now but later he will be able to help out and do his share after the baby arrives. 

It’s truly beautiful when you see the man you love in love with the child you’ve both created.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

@Annizka, your post history says a lot about the reason for your upset. You have been questioning your choice of husband and your marriage, you're still very much a newlywed, and now you're dealing with pregnancy. The uncertainty overall is not going to put you in a good place mentally. 

It's funny how our lives and circumstances shape our opinions of things.

I envy you in a healthy way, as I've wanted children since I was 23. I'm 37 soon and all I'll say is that it's been a constant struggle thanks to my somewhat unlucky life circumstances. 

You're only 8 weeks in and already you feel so strongly about things that haven't happened yet. You're thinking (dreading) so far ahead, likely because you're not very happy or solid in your marriage and that sets your mind to worry mode. 

You also seem angry at what nature gave you, but I think it's more anger directed at your husband. In many ways it's not fair, you're right, and there are many things men are simply unaware of what we do or endure. It just is. Honestly, it sets us apart in a special way. And your husband will be more than just a sperm donor, if he loves you and your child. Fathers are every bit as invaluable as mothers.

Sorry that you are not in the best of spirits. It's going to be a reasonably long journey yet, so maybe you should consider incorporating more relaxation and peaceful activities into your life.

And as @MrsHolland mentioned, you need to communicate these feelings with your husband. Definitely do not bury them.


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## msrv23 (Jul 14, 2017)

I don’t resent my husband even if it is unfair. It is also unfair that I’m the one waking up at night because I breastfeed.

But sometimes I did resent that he threw in comments that lacked empathy. Reading your comment it seems like this is the case? That waht you resent is your husband’s lack of understanding and support.

Having a child really tests a marriage. Because it really tests the capacity to work as a team and to have empahy under a hard phase.


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## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

Satya said:


> You're only 8 weeks in and already you feel so strongly about things that haven't happened yet. You're thinking (dreading) so far ahead, likely because you're not very happy or solid in your marriage and that sets your mind to worry mode.


I think you could be right. Sometimes I do feel happy in my marriage, but sometimes it feels wrong. I feel confused. 



msrv23 said:


> I don’t resent my husband even if it is unfair. It is also unfair that I’m the one waking up at night because I breastfeed.
> 
> But sometimes I did resent that he threw in comments that lacked empathy. Reading your comment it seems like this is the case? That waht you resent is your husband’s lack of understanding and support.
> 
> Having a child really tests a marriage. Because it really tests the capacity to work as a team and to have empahy under a hard phase.


Yes, it’s his comments that make me feel so angry and resentful. I am making him three meals a day, doing all the house work, the groceries, and he is happy in the bedroom. So it’s not like I’m neglecting anything. Yet, when he sees me laying down, like yesterday, he goes “what are you doing? Being lazy?” Me being me, I don’t like confrontation, so I don’t even react. But i go crazy in my head.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

And ALL of this stuff - being the ONLY one to deal with all the pregnancy symptoms and the physical damage it does to your body - is WHY my motto became, "*one and done*."

This is _*exactly*_ why.


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## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> And ALL of this stuff - being the ONLY one to deal with all the pregnancy symptoms and the physical damage it does to your body - is WHY my motto became, "*one and done*."
> 
> This is _*exactly*_ why.


Not sure I understood what you meant by one and done. 

Also, I’d like to point out when I said he is happy in the bedroom, I meant that I never say no when he wants it. But he has, for some reason, not been wanting or initiating anything compared to before. Which is making me feel unwanted sometimes. He is being more affectionate on some days though.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Well you sound like a real peach. Women aren't the only ones who deal with the side affects of pregnancy, although you get the bulk of it I fully understand. Why dont you focus on the positive. Women have a bond with their children men have envied and will never quite have due to pregnancy. Your kid will be the most important thing in your world, and they will share a bond with you that isn't attainable by men. You think something that special should come easy? Life doesn't work that way.


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## msrv23 (Jul 14, 2017)

Annizka said:


> I think you could be right. Sometimes I do feel happy in my marriage, but sometimes it feels wrong. I feel confused.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, it’s his comments that make me feel so angry and resentful. I am making him three meals a day, doing all the house work, the groceries, and he is happy in the bedroom. So it’s not like I’m neglecting anything. Yet, when he sees me laying down, like yesterday, he goes “what are you doing? Being lazy?” Me being me, I don’t like confrontation, so I don’t even react. But i go crazy in my head.


He doesn’t sound very sensitive and supportive. You mentioned that he is supportive but in what ways? Does he help when you feel tired or sick? People say that pregnancy is not sickness but I have never felt so sick in my life as when I was pregnant. All that nausea, low blood pressure, sleepiness, and so on. They don’t have to understand it, but at least acknowledge it.

It’s better if you do confront your husband about it. Not in an aggressive way, but assertively and calmly, expressing how you feel and how you’d appreciate support. Real support.

If you don’t express yourself he would never really improve. You might have all the resentment build up and it will affect marriage.

You might also want him to start improving because things can get harder when the baby is born. If you have a high needs baby, you will need all the support and understanding plus working as a team to endure the difficult days.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

You're right. It's not fair, but that is how it is. 

Don't worry, you will turn the tables when the baby is born. You'll have this marvelous bonding experience with this new life which has emerged from your own body. You will further enhance that bond while breastfeeding as all those happy chemicals flood your brain. You will be so consumed with providing for the new life, you will have no need for your husband. 

Neither your body nor your emotions will want to be intimate with him for some time. So, while you're enjoying the great fulfillment only a new mother can enjoy, he'll be left to toss off in the toilet. And to close the loop, he will then be able to resent you. 

See, it all balances out in the end. The wisdom of the universe is eternal.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> You're right. It's not fair, but that is how it is.
> 
> Don't worry, you will turn the tables when the baby is born. You'll have this marvelous bonding experience with this new life which has emerged from your own body. You will further enhance that bond while breastfeeding as all those happy chemicals flood your brain. You will be so consumed with providing for the new life, you will have no need for your husband.


presuming there is no Postnatal depression.



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> *Neither your body nor your emotions will want to be intimate with him for some time. So, while you're enjoying the great fulfillment only a new mother can enjoy, he'll be left to toss off in the toilet.* And to close the loop, he will then be able to resent you.


That's not my experience.

Following the birth of my first child (vaginal delivery) my ex-wife couldn't wait to have sex and wanted it before the waiting period was over which was followed by a return to very frequent, varied and high quality sex.

Likewise with the birth (all vaginal deliveries) of my second (her first) and third child (her second and our last) my wife couldn't wait to have sex either, where she wanted it before the waiting period was over. She was also champing at the bit after having to honour the wait period a bit more closely on our last one because she required stitches.

That said both of them craved a tremendous amount of sex before, during and after pregnancy inclusive of through breastfeeding. Which meant lots of sloppy sex since they would both leak milk while we were at it.

That wanton desire for sex around being pregnant has also been my experience with another women who had a newborn baby at the time. Plus two others who were pregnant including one who gave birth not long after we had been together.

Incidentally because I've been there and done that as well, some women want lots of sex not long after an abortion as well and I am talking the same day or the following day.



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> See, it all balances out in the end. The wisdom of the universe is eternal.


Kumbaya.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Annizka said:


> Yes, it’s his comments that make me feel so angry and resentful. I am making him three meals a day, doing all the house work, the groceries, and he is happy in the bedroom. So it’s not like I’m neglecting anything. Yet, when he sees me laying down, like yesterday, he goes “what are you doing? Being lazy?” Me being me, I don’t like confrontation, so I don’t even react. But i go crazy in my head.


 @Annizka, have you considered making your load a bit less? Stop doing so many things for him? Is he a baby or child that needs taking care of? Didn't he do these things before you met?

Is he the main breadwinner? Do you work outside of the home? If not, maybe you should consider adding something into your routine that gets you out of the house a bit. Like a creative art or a meet up group for soon to be mommies.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Personal said:


> presuming there is no Postnatal depression.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Your experience is atypical, even with multiple examples. For most, the biological drive changes from reproduction to ensuring the survival of the already produced offspring.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Satya said:


> @Annizka, have you considered making your load a bit less? *Stop doing so many things for him?* Is he a baby or child that needs taking care of? Didn't he do these things before you met?
> 
> Is he the main breadwinner? Do you work outside of the home? If not, maybe you should consider adding something into your routine that gets you out of the house a bit. Like a creative art or a meet up group for soon to be mommies.


Indeed. When my wife was pregnant, I did all the cooking (among other things).


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Annika-

According to your previous thread-

You had a 8 month online "relationship" , actually met your husband 2 as in two WEEKS before you got married -if I'm reading it right- 
You got married in June 2017, started your OP in Nov. About Regret( you were pregnant by then) and now are figuring out that MAYBE you really don't like this person.

Sounds to me like the red flags have been waving since you actually spent time in Real Life with this man you married.

His referring to you as being lazy when you lie down is just one.

He is showing you who he is.Believe him. 

This is not a woman/man pregnancy debate.

This is essentially a stranger you have decided to have a child with and if he thinks you are lazy now- just wait until you are 2 months from giving birth.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Your experience is atypical, even with multiple examples. For most, the biological drive changes from reproduction to ensuring the survival of the already produced offspring.


Actually my experience regarding women and sexual desire is fairly common.



> https://www.womenshealthmag.com/mom/sex-after-baby-1
> 
> *The Length of Time Most Women Wait to Have Sex After Giving Birth May (or May Not) Surprise You*
> 
> ...


With my first two children my partners and I matched 17% of those studied as described above. While with our last child my wife and I went close to the 62% as described above. From that study only 22% waited more than three months.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Personal said:


> Actually my experience regarding women and sexual desire is fairly common.
> 
> 
> 
> With my first two children my partners and I matched 17% of those studied as described above. While with our last child my wife and I went close to the 62% as described above. From that study only 22% waited more than three months.


Right. 6 weeks is (or at least seems like) a long time. And only one in six match or beat that mark. The vast majority actually go far longer.

And that doesn't even begin to address frequency/quality once things do start back up. You will find similarly low results there as well. Many feel no desire whatsoever during the entire period of breastfeeding, which may be a year or more for some.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Indeed. When my wife was pregnant, I did all the cooking (among other things).


When my wife was pregnant she remained at work until until circa 4 weeks before each due date, which then saw her take around 12 months maternity leave for each child.

Although I did cook meals and do cook meals, I certainly didn't do that all the time. Since it was a shared thing. Plus I sometimes had to go away with the Army through both pregnancies. Fortunately though it was only for days or a few weeks at a time. Rather than being away for months at a time which happened when our oldest was a toddler before my wife got pregnant with our second child.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Right. 6 weeks is (or at least seems like) a long time. And only one in six match or beat that mark. The vast majority actually go far longer.


Sixty-two percent at six weeks is not one in six. It was sixty-two percent that started having sex again at six weeks. Those who waited far longer in that study, were in the minority at only 22% of the population that was studied.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Personal said:


> Sixty-two percent at six weeks is not one in six. It was sixty-two percent that started having sex again at six weeks. Those who waited far longer in that study, were in the minority at only 22% of the population that was studied.


From your post and the article: "17 percent of couples were having sex again before the six week mark "
That's one in six beating the six week mark. 

And again, for most, when it does start up again, it usually ain't what it was for quite some time.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> And that doesn't even begin to address frequency/quality once things do start back up. You will find similarly low results there as well. Many feel no desire whatsoever during the entire period of breastfeeding, which may be a year or more for some.


A year or more, wow!

That is nuts.

Until I read such claims here on TAM, I would never have known that people would wait so long after childbirth, or not have much if any sex at all through a marriage.

Amongst all of our friends who talked about it with my wife and I back in the day. All of them said they were doing it at six weeks with many of them not waiting that long, because they really wanted to have sex again.

We certainly live in different worlds, fortunately mine certainly isn't one with the 22% who waited longer than three months to share sex.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Personal said:


> A year or more, wow!
> 
> That is nuts.
> 
> ...


It's partly the wait
It's partly the frequency

But really mostly the quality. A lot of folks go back to doing it just because that's what married people do--but it lacks the desire, especially for many a breastfeeder. For most, the hormonal makeup is all different. Not only that, running a baby milk factory requires a significant amount of energy... the lack of which also dampens desire. 

While it may not be your personal experience, it all makes perfect sense. A mother needs to bond with her child. A mother needs to provide for her child. A mother needs to care for her child. Add all those requirements onto all the other requirements that go into a woman's life, and often something's got to give. Not everyone has the physical and or/emotional capacity to do it all. 

We live in the same world, you're just a statistically anomaly, six-sigma to the right on the bell curve. It's very rare, but even the rarest of occurrences does happen, and as long as it happens, it's gotta' happen to someone. That someone is you. Congrats.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> From your post and the article: "17 percent of couples were having sex again before the six week mark "
> That's one in six beating the six week mark.
> 
> And again, for most, when it does start up again, it usually ain't what it was for quite some time.


And here is another article about another study on postpartum sex.



> https://www.livescience.com/21306-truth-postpartum-sex.html
> 
> *New Moms Reveal the Truth About Postpartum Sex*
> 
> ...


Again it is evident that the majority of women desire sex even after childbirth.

While ever some men continue to tell themselves that women for the most part aren't deeply sexual, many of them they will get exactly that.

A woman's physical and psychological support and her partners sexual desire and the expression of that really does make a big difference. And that doesn't actually mean cooking dinner or being a dutiful parent. 

It is no accident at all, that I have always enjoyed a rich, frequent and unabated sex life with my sexual partners.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I have happy memories of the pregnancy years. It seems we were closer then. There was never a "you did this to me" comment. Of course that ended nearly 20 years ago and my memory may have a rose colored filter.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Personal said:


> And here is another article about another study on postpartum sex.
> 
> Again it is evident that the majority of women desire sex even after childbirth.
> 
> ...


Oh, yes it is. At least in part. Or luck. Or you just have a really good chick-piciker. You may have done everything right, but you're not the only one. Many others have as well, but do not receive the same results. 

By the end of the first three months (a long time, btw), 85 % had been having sex again... doesn't say how often or how enthusiastic. Funny you didn't seem to want to highlight this portion "In terms of timing, the most important factors for a woman were her perceptions of her partner's sexual needs and desires, suggesting that some women start sexual activity again more for their partner's benefit than their own." So, again, it's not just about the quantity, it's about actual desire and quality. 


Why would you assume anybody thought it was "just about cooking dinner?" Why would you think nobody else is offering excellent physical and psychological support? Oh yeah, right--you've done well, so obviously anybody else who hasn't has clearly ****ed up. Clearly, they are deficient in some way. Only possible explanation, eh?


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

sandcastle said:


> Annika-
> 
> According to your previous thread-
> 
> ...


i was going to post unitll i read this. if its true......im stunned.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

I don't know about what she felt, but when she was pregnant I found myself resenting HER.


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## Deperatedwoman (Jul 31, 2017)

pragmaticGoddess said:


> I didn’t enjoy being pregnant even though I had a relatively complication free one. I didn’t resent my husband during pregnancy but I was more annoyed after the baby came when I was deprived. If you’re feeling this resentment you should deal with this now before baby comes.
> 
> Also, talk to your husband about helping out when baby comes. You’re carrying the baby now but later he will be able to help out and do his share after the baby arrives.
> 
> It’s truly beautiful when you see the man you love in love with the child you’ve both created.


Exactly!


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

I am a father, I only know the experience second hand from my wife, but she always said how lucky she was to feel the baby and she always said how she wished I could feel how amazing it is to have carry a baby. It was never negative, I was under the impression that being pregnant, even with all the discomfort, is the most amazing experience in life. Go figure, not all women are alike.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I did not have an enjoyable pregnancy. I turned out to be one of the "lucky" ones who experience hyperemesis gravidarum. That's the one that's like very severe morning sickness, but 24/7/365 and lasting the duration of the pregnancy. It was a rough pregnancy. 

But no, pregnancy did not make me resent my husband. My husband being an immature, unsupportive, self-absorbed, asshat, though? Yeah, that caused some resentment. 

And it sounds, OP, like something similar might actually be your problem as well. Involve him in the process of your pregnancy, including doctor visits if it can be arranged. And communicate with him about what you need, what you don't need, what you find helpful and what you find hurtful. But if you communicate and try to engage him in the pregnancy and he's still intent on being someone you don't like during it, that's unlikely to improve once you're parents to a newborn.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Personal said:


> And here is another article about another study on postpartum sex.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


From a woman on a similar thread on this site recently:
"Wow, baby is only 8 weeks old and your wife is breastfeeding. I'm a high libido woman, but at 8 weeks and breastfeeding I wasn't having any sex with my husband yet. My body was not ready at all. If you are this frustrated already when your baby is such a newborn, you have a long unhappy road ahead of you."

Is she genuinely reacting to her situation or should we just assume that she only feels this way because she's with an insensitive ass of a husband? Of course, if she was with you, she'd have been boffing your brains out at least two weeks ago, right?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Rowan said:


> I did not have an enjoyable pregnancy. I turned out to be one of the "lucky" ones who experience hyperemesis gravidarum. That's the one that's like very severe morning sickness, but 24/7/365 and lasting the duration of the pregnancy. It was a rough pregnancy.


 @Rowan, I'm sorry to hear that!
I heard that the more sick you are, it's a good sign showing the baby is growing well. My mother was horribly, horribly sick with me all throughout her pregnancy, and I can claim to have one of the best immune systems of any person I know. I rarely get sick. Flu is gone in under 3 days, when I rarely get it. Colds leave me in under 24 hours. I've never had an infection that didn't kill itself before antibiotics could be administered once I got to the doctor. 

I really don't know if there's any connection to what my poor mom endured, but I like to think so. She was much less sick with my siblings and when little, they would get everything... and still do!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Annizka said:


> I think you could be right. Sometimes I do feel happy in my marriage, but sometimes it feels wrong. I feel confused.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, it’s his comments that make me feel so angry and resentful. I am making him three meals a day, doing all the house work, the groceries, and he is happy in the bedroom. So it’s not like I’m neglecting anything. Yet, when he sees me laying down, like yesterday, he goes “what are you doing? Being lazy?” Me being me, I don’t like confrontation, so I don’t even react. But i go crazy in my head.



There was a "joke" running around the internet a while back of WOH Dad who came home to unfed, unwashed kids. Laundry heaped in the bedroom and dishes all over the kitchen and bills stacked in a pile. Mom was in the bedroom having left a note on the table that said "This is what it looks like when I do nothing all day. Have fun!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Personal said:


> A year or more, wow!
> 
> That is nuts.


I am trying to understand this. Am I reading complete lack of empathy here. My experience giving birth to my first was a nearly 10 pound bowling ball screaming out of my vagina, ripping it all to hell. We waited quite a while to have sex after that because I was *still in pain*. we resumed sex while I was *still in pain*. And then I had a tiny human being attached to me, relying only on me for feeding, hydration, comfort. Bring on those thongs man, because I am in the mood! We GOT in the mood by other than the former means. 


I would have had NO patience for a whiney man child looking to me to mother his sexual needs. 



> Until I read such claims here on TAM, I would never have known that people would wait so long after childbirth, or not have much if any sex at all through a marriage.
> 
> Amongst all of our friends who talked about it with my wife and I back in the day. All of them said they were doing it at six weeks with many of them not waiting that long, because they really wanted to have sex again.
> 
> We certainly live in different worlds, fortunately mine certainly isn't one with the 22% who waited longer than three months to share sex.


Well I wanted to have sex with my husband, but I sure as **** did not want the several hours long marathons that we had previously had and have since returned to. I don't understand no sex throughout a marriage. ... But that is not what we are talking about in this thread.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Satya said:


> @Rowan, I'm sorry to hear that!
> I heard that the more sick you are, it's a good sign showing the baby is growing well. My mother was horribly, horribly sick with me all throughout her pregnancy, and I can claim to have one of the best immune systems of any person I know. I rarely get sick. Flu is gone in under 3 days, when I rarely get it. Colds leave me in under 24 hours. I've never had an infection that didn't kill itself before antibiotics could be administered once I got to the doctor.
> 
> I really don't know if there's any connection to what my poor mom endured, but I like to think so. She was much less sick with my siblings and when little, they would get everything... and still do!


I'm pretty sure you just got lucky!  

When I was pregnant, the thought was that it's caused by a reaction to the pregnancy hormones. So, it can indicate that you're producing all the pregnancy hormones you need, which is certainly a good thing. But, it can also result in a high risk pregnancy, low birth weight, low amniotic fluid levels, malnutrition and dehydration for mom and baby, cardiac symptoms and renal failure for mom, even fetal and/or maternal death. That's on top of the violent vomiting multiple times per day, or even per _hour_, lasting months. My son was a nice hefty birth weight and we both survived, but it wasn't a good time. And then he was a failure-to-thrive baby who spent weeks in the PICU, then remained medically fragile until well into early childhood.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Rowan said:


> I'm pretty sure you just got lucky!
> 
> When I was pregnant, the thought was that it's caused by a reaction to the pregnancy hormones. So, it can indicate that you're producing all the pregnancy hormones you need, which is certainly a good thing. But, it can also result in a high risk pregnancy, low birth weight, low amniotic fluid levels, malnutrition and dehydration for mom and baby, cardiac symptoms and renal failure for mom, even fetal and/or maternal death. That's on top of the violent vomiting multiple times per day, or even per _hour_, lasting months. My son was a nice hefty birth weight and we both survived, but it wasn't a good time. And then he was a failure-to-thrive baby who spent weeks in the PICU, then remained medically fragile until well into early childhood.


My goodness, that must have been so worrying to endure. I'm glad you and your son were OK in the end, even though he had to receive so much care early on!


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## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

Personal said:


> And here is another article about another study on postpartum sex.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I think the studies you posted are really interesting. When I had my baby via c section within a few days of being home I was wanting sex intensely and we did what was tolerable physically for me. The sex we did have was not aggressive or overly passionate but it was desired and I was happy to be close to my partner. I fell off in desire a few months later when depression set in. I was breastfeeding constant and pumping in between. I felt like a milk cow, that with the depression killed my drive. But with support from my partner and professional help I felt better and things got busy in the bedroom again.

I can totally believe these numbers. 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


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## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

As far as resentment. I never really resented my partner. He took care me and I had an awful pregnancy with lots of pain and complications. He did everything to make things easier for me. Now, after I gave birth there were times when I would wake up to feed her (breast fed) and he would be snoozing soundly. In those moment I could of burned holes in his head with my eyes.

But really... As I got further along in my pregnancy more things got put on him to do. In addition to him working 12 hours a day-14 with commute he did most of the cooking, he took over all of the animal care (we had a dog and pet rats. I did everything until one of our rats bit me badly), he also did a lot of chores as we lived in a three floor walk up with laundry in the basement. It was too difficult for me to do laundry.

He indulged my cravings and tried to handle my mood swings without frustration.

I mean really in the end... If you feel he is not expressing empathy and understanding then let him know. 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> Ladies, did pregnancy make you resent your husband?


 I have never experienced this...

As a woman who dreamed of having a family early on, (at least 3 kids is what we discussed)... then finding I/we couldn't conceive after our 1st son (this lingered on for almost 7 yrs)... if there was any resentment ... it was more with my Maker for doing this to me, fearing I may never realize the family I had dreamed of...and so deeply desired... 

Our 1st son came very quickly, pregnant 3 months after we married....I was absolutely THRILLED ...overjoyed....I have always felt it the greatest privilege, so thankful to be a woman, and worth all the pain, cravings, fat belly... dry heaving, all of it...

For me... it's when I couldn't conceive, meanwhile watching friend after friend having babies, that I was the basket-case, I cried on his shoulder, I became angry at God...caused my poor husband some grief.. it wasn't his fault.. he did all he could... 

I guess my feelings on this is the complete flip side... I was so thankful that my husband stood by me, through infertility testing, a surgery, also wanting our dream of more children... we went on to have another 5 in 10 yrs...

I was the stay at Home Mom... he worked full time... I never expected him to get up in the middle of the night, or anything like this.. I had it handled... I just felt so thankful to have more children, our prayers were answered... 

Looking back though.... I got caught up in playing Mommy ...putting my husband on the back burner.. had the babies sleeping in bed with us







... If I could go back and change anything... It would be that... to have a little more balance there...

Got it right finally in my 40's...


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## KM87 (Nov 5, 2017)

I have never resented my husband for his role in our pregnancies. In fact, due to his ongoing fight with bladder cancer by way of various treatments, i have been so thankful (and perhaps surprised by) for each of our two babies conceived together. Of course, I have long desired a large family, and so have had to accept that the "evils" of pregnancy are par for the course. I certainly do not enjoy pregnancy - even though mine have all been free of complications or extreme side affects (I thank God!). But it is truly amazing to feel that little life moving around inside. And I am so thankful that my pregnancies and birth experiences have all lead to an amazing bond with my precious babies. Just wait, OP, perhaps you'll be blessed with these feels here in a few more months! Hang in there!

P.S. I have felt resentful - as other ladies have already stated - toward my husband in the midst of newborn-hood sleepless nights when I feel like a cow and he slumbers away peacefully beside me. One lady said her gaze could have "burnt holes into his head". Amen!!!


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

This probably isn't a welcome comment, but if at anytime during either pregnancy or child rearing my wife decided to "resent" me for what I did, all she had to do was say so. I would have gladly made sure we had no more kids.

Unreal.


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