# Husband has become so unattractive



## KAS2007 (May 5, 2010)

I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to not get into porn, or do anything to ruin my marriage, but my husband has gotten so fat and he doesn't care. He eats garbage and sits on the sofa when he's not at work. He does work long hours. I feel like I've lost something so important in life. He doesn't want to diet, even though once when he did he lost like 30 pounds. The worst part is the hair. He is covered in it. I asked him to do electrolisis and he wouldn't listen to me. Sometimes he'll shave his back and shoulders but then there are stubs. Sorry to be so graphic but I don't know who to talk to. We haven't had sex in 2years and I am going crazy. I miss him, but I am so grossed out by him. I try to be patient and understanding because his stress level is high, but I get angry when I watch him down a chile dog and large fries, when I'm eating salad and yogurt to try to look good for him. What do I do?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Tell him how this makes you feel , be real, be honest. It WILL hurt him, but it is also hurting you and threatening your marraige. Recently someone on this forum made this wise statement: Love is UNconditional, but Desire is NOT. 

I think many would agree. Some may even find once the desire is gone, the Love dwindles. I hope he will sincerely listen and do what it takes to help you regain the desire you once held for him. 

Try to encourage him as much as humanly possible if he agrees he wants to do this for himself, for you, for your marraige.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

I agree with you on the weight KAS2007, a slovenly appearance and excessive weight are a real turn off. Frankly, all you can do is tell him about it. As the old saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Maybe try to find an activity he likes to do and do it together with him. Maybe he likes watching fights, etc? Try and get him to join a Martial Arts dojo. Maybe he likes dancing and music? Try and get him to do Zumba.

Now, as far as the hair thing goes? You've hit a personal spot with me missy! As a hairstute male I do give you a big raspberry . I find as I loose it off the top of my head it finds its way down my back. But, luckily my wife likes me looking like a wookie (those hairy creatures from Star Wars) who fell into a vat of rogaine.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

that's hard... I used to be quite overweight as well (and smoked). My wife would get on me sometimes to eat better, to exercise, etc. And none of that ever worked. In the end it was a switch inside me that went off. I decided I wanted to lose weight and I stopped smoking. Partly it helped that we had a toddler and a newborn and I wanted to be healthy for them. Frankly I could stand to lose 15 lbs but I weigh less now then I did when we were first married. 

I'm just saying this because it's very possible that no matter what you say it may not motivate him if he doesn't have the desire. Most if any results he has would be short lived unless he's willing to make some pretty substantial lifestyle changes. 

About the hair... didn't he have the body hair when you were married? I'm just wondering if he wasn't hairy when you married him and if so then that shouldn't be something you're making a big deal about. I personally feel very strongly that if you marry someone then that's who you're marrying, hair and all. Now if he's gotten more hair over the years then maybe that's a little different. I mean we all change and age. I mean it's one thing to keep your personal hygiene up. Maybe one has to trim up ear hair or nose hairs more then they did when they were 19. But that's a lot different then telling someone they have to go through electrolysis. I mean should I tell my wife she has to get a boob job and a vagi-plasti or she'll gross me out when things start to sag and not look so great? The only thing I think you can do about that is tell him honestly how you feel. Tell him you love him but the hair has become a real problem for you and you want him to talk to someone about permanent hair removal. 

Clearly not having sex isn't enough motivation for him so I don't know what will be. If you haven't had sex in 2 years I'm going to guess that you're not particularly close to him? Will he be motivated by you sitting down and telling him how much it hurts you to see him like this? I mean you could make a bunch of points like:

-It hurts you to see him be so unhealthy
-You're worried about his health 
-He won't be around to see his grandkids born (if you have kids)
-You love him but you are not attracted to him anymore
-You feel hurt because he doesn't care enough about you to take care of himself

You can try that and see if it helps or not.... do you make dinners or offer to make dinners? That way you can at least control some of the food? The bottom line is he HAS to want to change or anything that happens will be short term.


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## lovelieswithin (Apr 29, 2010)

I think how we look outside reflects how were feeling inside or we eat to soothe emotions. 
You definately have a few options here... do you know his doctor? you might put a bug in docs ear that your hubbys weight is worrying you. maybe doc can convince hubby that he as to diet so he doesnt develop diabetes or heart problems. Another method is a gift like gym membership or some type of fitness class like jujitsu. I think he knows youve lost interest in him sexually and just needs a push. Perhaps you guys should talk about a career change? I know economy is hard right now but if sacrificing a little pay would help his mental and physical well being it might be worth it. Counseling would be good everyone could use help these days life isnt easy... u could suggest a counselor to him and let him know u r worried about his stress and thought it might help if he had someone to talk to then let the weight awareness fall into place with improved mental state.
Good luck sounds like a tough position but dont give up hope.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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