# Is this weird?



## mikealone (Nov 26, 2008)

My wife and kids went to see the Christmas lights. On the night my wife invited a male work colleague 22 years her junior. She said that he is lonely and doesn't have a family.

I find it weird, I find it more weird that the guy accepted my wife's invite.

What do you think?


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Chill she's just being nice most likely. Embrace it and connect with her. Not weird.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

mikealone said:


> My wife and kids went to see the Christmas lights. On the night my wife invited a male work colleague 22 years her junior. She said that he is lonely and doesn't have a family.
> 
> I find it weird, I find it more weird that the guy accepted my wife's invite.
> 
> What do you think?


Yeah that`d raise my radar real fast.

Where were you when they were seeing the lights?

Why didn`t you go?

Did you know about this guy going before they went or was it mentioned as an afterthought later?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Yeah, a little off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

How old are your kids?

She might be having maternal feelings for this guy. I wouldn't worry about it. I find myself feeling maternal towards kids that are the ages that mine are, which would be about 24 years my junior.


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## mikealone (Nov 26, 2008)

tacoma said:


> Yeah that`d raise my radar real fast.
> 
> Where were you when they were seeing the lights?
> 
> ...


Yes I went, I was walking with my son.


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## mikealone (Nov 26, 2008)

Hope1964 said:


> How old are your kids?
> 
> She might be having maternal feelings for this guy. I wouldn't worry about it. I find myself feeling maternal towards kids that are the ages that mine are, which would be about 24 years my junior.


The kids are 13, 2 and 1.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

mikealone said:


> Yes I went, I was walking with my son.


Did she mention this guy was coming prior to you all going out or did he just sort of show up?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If all she's done is ask a lonely young guy out with you and your kids, then I don't see a problem :scratchhead: Has she done other stuff to make you wonder?

Keep in mind that most women are not into much younger men like men are into much younger women.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> Keep in mind that most women are not into much younger men like men are into much younger women.


I`d have never guessed that from the attitudes of the women I know.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

It would definitely cause a little concern on my part, but as long as I was there, I don't think it's too weird. But, I would be watching my W's behavior for any deviations later.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

mikealone said:


> My wife and kids went to see the Christmas lights. On the night my wife invited a male work colleague 22 years her junior. She said that he is lonely and doesn't have a family.
> 
> I find it weird, I find it more weird that the guy accepted my wife's invite.


This type of thing is a family type thing to do, so it was weird that she asked and he said yes. 

Did she ask you first or just invite him? If she did not ask you first you need to call her out on that. Also, this invite is a first step in establishing her right to see him at night after work. This time you were with them. Unchecked, next time you may not be with them.

Time to set clear a boundary. Set a strong one. If you set a weak one now it will be difficult to make it stronger later. Let her know that the rule applies to both of you.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Hope1964 said:


> Keep in mind that most women are not into much younger men like men are into much younger women.


Not if she has come into her "Cougar" and he is good looking !

How is your sex life ? If it is fabulous, I wouldn't worry, if it is failing, I would, or if you feel she is NOT with you when she IS with you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Keep a close eye on this, your wife may be to naive to see what turn out to be a very bad thing in avery short time.

Her energy should be best served with her family. This guy good be one of those energy suckers and it will lead to no good. This kid needs to find someone else that can afford to provide the energy that does include a family. 

I'm curious how many pets do you guys have? Stay away from this one, this kid will suck the energy out of your wife and there will be none left for you.

Again keep a close eye on this, it will sneak up on you and her!!!!

This is one of those cases that could turn out to be "I didn't mean it to happen"


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

What's weird is he accepted. That does raise a red flag to me.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I can see both sides, but knowing me, the way I am, I could have done something similar. She probably just felt sorry for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marv (Nov 12, 2011)

It's enough to raise some concerns, but just have a "wait-and-see attitude." If you notice something more, it should alarm you. Keep watching.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

TRy said:


> This type of thing is a family type thing to do, so it was weird that she asked and he said yes.
> 
> Did she ask you first or just invite him? If she did not ask you first you need to call her out on that. Also, this invite is a first step in establishing her right to see him at night after work. This time you were with them. Unchecked, next time you may not be with them.
> 
> Time to set clear a boundary. Set a strong one. If you set a weak one now it will be difficult to make it stronger later. Let her know that the rule applies to both of you.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Your wife went with him and your kids without you!? Yeah that is weird. It is even weirder if she did not consult with you first.
> 
> I would be be more than put off by this personally. Especially if told after the fact.


He said he did go but it sounded like he didn`t in the OP.



mikealone said:


> Yes I went, I was walking with my son.


Still don`t know if the invite was something he was aware of beforehand,


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tacoma said:


> He said he did go but it sounded like he didn`t in the OP.
> 
> 
> 
> Still don`t know if the invite was something he was aware of beforehand,


Yeah, I later deleted that post. It is much better that she did not take him along without her husband.


So folks, what if the hubby invited along a young nice looking 25 year old woman for this and then spent time with her watching the lights. Maybe a prelude to sister wives .... dating together.


In the OP scebario he walked with his 13 year old son. Well cool, but that left the wife with the young ones. All three.

I agree with at a minuimum this person was invading family time. She should be providing her maternal instincts to her three children and not bringing in a young buck, into her family gathering without asking the old buck about it first. Sorry even with maternal instincts considered we are talking Oedipus here. That may be stretching but yeah I find it a little creepy that he accepted. This does open up the possible next stages of her being around this guy in other circumstances and expecting everyone else to be ok with it.

If this is a one time thing then keep an eye open about this guy and your wife. Watch out for email, texting and FB stuff. Especially care about them meeting, even with the children for lunch or whatever. 

BUT, I would suggest the her that she consult you before doing this again. How invasive this was to your famiy gathering also depends on how much family gathering you guys get.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/3065-my-wife-unbearable.html#post27809

hmmmm. Interesting thread started by the OP way back when.

Given this thread from shortly after you were married and now this one it begs the question, so how have things been since back then? You have a 13 year old from another relationship and you have two young children 2 and 1. 

I have to ask how long has your wife know this guy?


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Questions I'd be asking myself when he came:

How'd she know he was lonely?

Why is a young man spending time looking at Christmas lights instead of chasing tail?

Is he chasing tail right now?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I would start checking e-mails, cell phone records, FB activity-and though this would be overkill to some-a VAR in her car.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Hicks said:


> What's weird is he accepted.


I know, right?


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

When I was a very newly separated 35 year old, spending my first Christmas alone, I was invited to the home of a seemingly platonic female friend who was about a dozen years my senior to spend Christmas Eve with her, her hubby and a couple other guests (both were divorced guys).

In retrospect, I don't know if it was like a Dinner For Schmucks (movie) or if this woman was interested in more. The friendship lasted for a few more months but then it seems like she tired of me talking bout other women and she pretty much started ignoring my e-mails and, by then, I was through the toughest part of my divorce and was dating prolifically, so it was no big deal to me.

But, I did appreciate that dinner invitation, although, yes, it was a bit weird for me, too. But, the husband had been invited to a dinner at my former home so we were not total strangers.

In the situation described by the original poster, I just think the wife was being compassionate.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> Keep in mind that most women are not into much younger men like men are into much younger women.


:scratchhead: I think it just depends on the person.

My husband is 7 years younger and I was TOTALLY into him.

:smthumbup:


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

that_girl said:


> :scratchhead: I think it just depends on the person.
> 
> My husband is 7 years younger and I was TOTALLY into him.
> 
> :smthumbup:


My hubby is 4 years younger. 7 years isn't really significant. 20+ years is.

I cannot even imagine being sexually attracted to someone young enough to be my own offspring. Ick.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

On face value the situation seems quite innocent and your w seems a little naive. I can't tell you how many bad situations I've heard about that started exactly like this. One thing leads to another, circumstances collide and there you go. In my humble opinion, the potential risks far outweigh the tangible benefits from this kind of outsider into your family activity


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

What is this young guy's story?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

My W is, ahem...ELEVEN YEARS older than me.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Mike, are you still married to the same woman you married in 2008 -- the one with strong BPD traits? If so, this mild incident with the coworker is the last thing you should be concerned about.


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## WifeyRes (Mar 19, 2012)

It's weird so this guy is loney now it's your wife's responsible ? 
He must go do the things that the guys in 20s do instead of hanging around with your wife. 
Feeling sorry for someone because they lonely is quite dangerous..yur wife might be innocent but will she remain that way when she continues to feel sorry for this dude and get attached to him? I personally wouldn't allow this


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Bumping for the Full Picture


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

I think your wife has a big heart and she was just thinking of how her own kids would feel if they were in a new town without their family. 
My mom invites strays to family dinners/big events all the time. No one should have to be alone on Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, ect. 
I think your wife is a kind, thoughtful lady with a big heart and if that was MY son who she had invited to look at Christmas lights, I wouldn't know how to thank her. 
If she starts hanging out with him alone, without you, THEN I would start to worry. But for now, I think she was just being kind and didn't want him to feel so alone during the holiday season.


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