# End of my rope, because its my fault



## Furedogg (Mar 10, 2016)

Long Story, my Wife and i are 35/36 and been married for 10 years, nice home 2 kids 3/7 and work split shifts to avoid costly childcare.

Our closeness and sex life began to drift since birth of our second child i think down to the work pattern and little time we spend together, however at the begining of the year we went through a hot streak after we had a fun discussion about us being involved in a 3some with guy she found super hot (a previous manager from her work) this prmped us to continue the fantasy a lil further and signed up to a swingers site she got alot of attention but after a few days of messages from creeps and penis pics we decided it wasnt for us and shut it down, however one guy who contcted us using a message app continued to contact us ( all of this was done on my phone) after a few night my wife said she was had downloaded the app herself and began talking to him because using my phone was so annoying. To cut this short this was 5 weeks ago we were having fun and since that she has-
Met him 3 times (twice in his flash car) and has hugged and kissed him.
Told me she hates everything about me and finds me repulsive.
Has not been sexualy attrached to me for 5 years.
Ask me to move out(not leaving my kids).
Last night said she doesnt want to lose me but because i signed up to site i put the sex idea in her head.
Wants us to ''work'' but still wants to see him but im not to ask any questions.
Has told him about filthy sex dreams she has had with him as i waited outside the room for them.

I been through loads of emotions , i have begged her to stop for us, for me , for the kids. I got angry and shouted demaned her to stop and now im out of ideas, she has told me to my face in a calm everyday matter how she can she herself having sex with him in the future but not in his car because shes not a ****(but later to ease m fears told me she would probably only go as far as a hand job because they would never get time to book a hotel because he is a long distance driver and only gets home 4 days a month but has to see his son too, he also has to drive tired over an hour to our town from his which she finds so sweet of him.

Sorry for rambling but so much has happened and im begining to lose my mind because i cant speak to anyone as she said if her family found out she would tell everyone i put her naked pics on that site without her permission(i didnt and her pics where classy not nude)

Thanks for listening i guess

Can't cope any longer.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

It's rather sad what little value your wife has for herself and the marriage. That's less about you, and more about her. You can't beg your wife to respect herself, and if she has none for herself, she has none for you. That said, she sounds like she wants to date men and stay married. My advice, seek legal counsel to see your options, and don't let her know you're doing that. You're not stuck here, you have options. You might just be afraid to exercise those options, but to stay in this toxic relationship...that will hurt you more than ending it, to be honest. o Prayers for you.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

If she continues seeing this guy, you need to man up and kick her to the curb. This isn't a time to be scared and try to keep her happy. You need to let her know you won't tolerate this and your're the man of the house. Turn her world upside down. I know it's hard with kids, because you still have to go to your job 5 days a week. 

I wish you luck. If you start to read other threads with swingers/3 somes, you'll see most people's marriages go down the same road. It's not just sex, people get attached and all hell breaks lose.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Sounds like you let Pandora out of her box, and there is no getting her back in. When she started talking about her super hot coworker you should have shut that down right quick, instead you began to fantasize about him with her and signed up for swinger websites. (Were you looking for F or just M??). Because of your reaction, she now has zero respect for you (if I was a betting man she had zero respect for you prior as well)

Your options are this:

1 live the rest of your days as a cuckold.

Or 2. Begin Divorce proceedings and try to get the best deal for yourself in terms of financially and custody.

Door 2 sounds better to me.

In closing, I get wanting to save money on child care, but working separate shifts for this reason has the unintended consequence of limiting your time with your wife. You two are rarely home together, so she began to replace you (in her own mind, at a minimum) with the hot coworker and things went down hill from there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

And this is all taking place in the good ole Republic Of Ireland ????


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## Furedogg (Mar 10, 2016)

She has always been someone who gets attached when she gets a little attention but this is a whole new ball game.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Furedogg said:


> She has always been someone who gets attached when she gets a little attention but this is a whole new ball game.


And you knew this going in but still decided swinging websites were a good idea? :scratchhead:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Furedogg (Mar 10, 2016)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> And you knew this going in but still decided swinging websites were a good idea? :scratchhead:
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


HaHa i deserve that one


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Not my intent to rip you, but want you to open your eyes.

What is it you want long term? I don't know if your wife would be willing to go back to being happy, doting wife after her tastes of other men. I guess it's possible, never been on your shoes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

First off, she's lying. They've had sex.

Second, tell her to either cut out the bullsh*t, go no contact w/ this guy, recommit to the marriage, or GTFO.

And that's if you actually _want_ to reconcile; if not, tell her to GTFO.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I didn't understand about the "while I waited outside the room for them" bit. Did you actually wait outside the room for them while she told him about her dreams or was the waiting outside the room for them part of her dream that she told him about ?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I interpreted that to mean she has told him she has had dreams about f--king the other guy while he sits in the other room patiently waiting for them to finish.

The gaul to think she can tell him this. His reaction to date tells her she can get away with it all and more. Absolute Zero respect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

She is definitely wrong in this situation but you definitely share a significant part of the blame becuase you entertained the thought of the 3 some. You should have shut that down right away. I think the only thing you can do now is divorce her.


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## Furedogg (Mar 10, 2016)

manfromlamancha said:


> I didn't understand about the "while I waited outside the room for them" bit. Did you actually wait outside the room for them while she told him about her dreams or was the waiting outside the room for them part of her dream that she told him about ?


That was part of her dream, yeh she told me all about it to


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## Furedogg (Mar 10, 2016)

Trust me guys, they ain't had sex yet.....maybe done more than she is telling me.

She woke me in the middle of the night after their last meeting to ask me about something that happened, when she got close to him and lay on him chest he reached up behind her head and puller her hair twice hard(enough for it to be on his arm and carseat) she said up until that point he had never laid a hand on her because that was her wish and if anything was to happen she would be the one to make a move.

She then asked him to explain himself a few days later and her said he was sorry he wasnt the gentleman he promised he would be, but that he was extremely turned on and coundnt belive she didnt notice how hot he was getting


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

"Trust me guys, they ain't had sex yet..."

I'm about 9/10ths out on this thread.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

How do you react when she continues to tell you these things? The dreams, the meet ups in the car. She's clearly trying to get a reaction out of you, wondering what that reaction is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

FD,

You wrote, * he reached up behind her head and puller her hair twice hard*

When you play with fire you get burned, or in the case of Ireland thrown into a peat bog, and then burned 300 years later. Did this scare her that one of these swinger dudes is going to be a psycho?

Tamat


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Seems to me that she enjoys the power she thinks she has over OP and the OM. OP offered no real struggle, his begging and anger from desperation fed her ego and he is still her lapdog that crawls back to mommy although she beats him with a stick. The OM is the horny dog and she thought she controls him through his desire for sex and her denial of sex. When OM pulled her hair he disrupted her power fantasy and she realized that she was not in control of the situation (a woman and a man in a confined space like a car, who would have thunk that) and that is what woke her up in the night. Will be interesting to see if she continues to see this guy or looks for some other horny dude she can string along for an egoboost or if she eventually gives in to have sex. (Presuming her stories are true and they aren't already effing their brains out).

But OP has to break that power dynamic too or else he remains the little lapdog who watches mommy coming home from other men.


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## Furedogg (Mar 10, 2016)

All very good points , a lot of stuff I don't really know for sure as I can't push her for anymore info because she says she has told me everything


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

You should not push her any more, you need to step up this time, you need to be the man and be ready to make some hard choices, you should put your marriage on the line and tell her its you or its him but its not both. I have said it before and i will say it again your marriage is crowded, its time to play the D card and see really where she stands, and where you are willing to take the gravitas of the situation forward. Otherwise i want you to look in the mirror and tell yourself you willing to accept the fact you are a cuckold husband and plan b....and if your willing to accept that...you have no right to come here and ask for advice, you made your bed and you lie there alone while she is with him....until she is ready to come home to you.


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## Furedogg (Mar 10, 2016)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> How do you react when she continues to tell you these things? The dreams, the meet ups in the car. She's clearly trying to get a reaction out of you, wondering what that reaction is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Loads of different reactions depending on how she gets me, angry, sick quiet etc


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Furedogg said:


> All very good points , a lot of stuff I don't really know for sure as I can't push her for anymore info because she says she has told me everything


What info do you really need? Don't you already know everything that is important?

You already know what she thinks of you, you know that she wants to continue meeting this guy or others, you know she is willing to engage in sexual activity with him/them and you know that she still wants you to be around and be ok with this lifestyle.

Are you ok with it?

If yes, then best of wishes for your newly defined marriage. There are plenty of people out there who are happy living this kind of life/relationship.

If not, lawyer up, protect yourself, your assets and your kids.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Wait are you taking about a threesome with three people engaged in a sexual relationship at one time or a cuckold fetish ? I get we all chose who we are, but still the issue of why and self-esteem need to be asked and answered. 

As to who leaves: she does. Protect yourself with a pen Var or other form of Var to protect yourself against charges of abuse.


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## Furedogg (Mar 10, 2016)

Guys im from ireland, all that legal stuff dont really apply here, divorces dont happen that often because people just split and roll on with life


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Playing the D card is not saying if then, playing the D card is putting the court papers on the table and saying where do we go from here, the attorney is filing them tomorrow at 10.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Furedogg said:


> All very good points , a lot of stuff I don't really know for sure as I can't push her for anymore info because she says she has told me everything


She's lying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Just split up? Err no marred with children and assets don't just split and roll. That is ghetto thinking and describe much of the Irish experience in the states at the turn of the century. I believe the man who laid the ground work to change this was a bishop calked Iron John. Name I am not sure of but he was out of Philly. He built schools that indoctrinated behavior and thought to move past this. He got out of the church and into the streets. The modern Knights of Columbus (although started in another state) was yet another attempt to provide stability to an uncertain life. There primary mission at the time: dirt cheap term life insurance that payed out with no games played. 

One way or another you don't get to split and roll. 

Now can we get serious?


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Furedogg said:


> Guys im from ireland, all that legal stuff dont really apply here, divorces dont happen that often because people just split and roll on with life


Then go for judicial separation. Talking to a laywer can't hurt (except your wallet). Iirc judicial separation takes only one year of separation (if infidelity is not a reason to speed up the process) instead of 4 years for a divorce.

What other option do you see except accepting her changing your marriage into an open one (for her) or splitting up/separating/divorcing.

Would you be "allowed" to pursue other women and just live under together a roof for the kids ? Separated bedrooms for both of you? You moving out or her?

What are your expectations of how this will end? 

Regardless of you wanting to reconcile or separate, you have to step up or she will continue to walk over you.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Annnnddd.... That's 10/10.

Good luck Furedogg.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I would divorce her while exposing to her family and yours.

She is a shameless skank.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Furedogg said:


> Guys im from ireland, all that legal stuff dont really apply here, divorces dont happen that often because people just split and roll on with life


So split and roll.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Folks will treat you the way you let them treat you.

You tolerate what you tolerate...what I mean is if you have boundaries and consequences for when those boundaries are crossed you can gain a hell of a lot respect.

Your old lady may not like it but she will respect you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

manfromlamancha said:


> And this is all taking place in the good ole Republic Of Ireland ????


There's a lot that goes on in the Republic of Ireland. Some of it pretty nasty stuff.

Mind you, Ireland might include Northern Ireland.

But OP, if you are both Catholics, I think a visit to the Priest might help.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I've never been interested in 'swinging,' but it would seem that someone always ends up having feelings for one or the other person they're 'swinging' with, and then it all goes down a bad path.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Furedogg said:


> Sorry for rambling but so much has happened and im begining to lose my mind because *i cant speak to anyone as she said if her family found out she would tell everyone i put her naked pics on that site without her permission(i didnt and her pics where classy not nude)*


Quite the empty threat. If that is all she has...forget it. 

The horse is out of the barn now...you need to ask yourself if you really want her back. If you do. TELL EVERYONE. See the standard evidence thread before you do to collect ALL the evidence. Get VERY tough...it's gonna be marriage and family OR other guy. NOT BOTH.
The only way to get her back is to take ZERO BS from he. NONE. 

If you don't want her back. DIVORCE HER. Start immediately. Forget this split and roll with it garbage. Do it right. You helped do the marriage WRONG...you can at least get the ending correct. 

Be strong. The next time she tries to tell you about OM or dreams..tell her to STFU and pack her stuff and blow.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Five Things That Keep You Stuck With a Cheater - ChumpLady.com


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

TeddieG said:


> Five Things That Keep You Stuck With a Cheater - ChumpLady.com


Seems like OP has most of those -but primarily Hope and Fear

I hope you stay here and keep reading OP...knowledge is really what you need. You only have to be alone with this if you choose to.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Tell her you will listen to her bvllshyt if she can talk around your penis in her mouth.

I am not really joking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Furedogg (Mar 10, 2016)

Thanks for everything guys


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Another, "I got involved with swinging and now my spouse won't stop" thread....

Really?!? A word of advise OP.... NO WOMAN will ever RESPECT a man that's will to share her. 

You're trying to unbreak an egg. The best you can do is replace this egg with a new one.

She's broken now and you can't fix it.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Furedogg said:


> Guys im from ireland, all that legal stuff dont really apply here, divorces dont happen that often because people just split and roll on with life


They should let you do that in the US. If you could, I would have been long gone years ago. When you think about it, that's the way it should be. Why penalize men because they want to move on?


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## Furedogg (Mar 10, 2016)

Just an update, she continued chatting to the guy and only last week he was passing through town and asked if she liked to meet, of course she said yes only this time he in his truck (work) and she thought it woud be a good idea to snuggle up to him.

He tried to tear off her clothes and then used force to place her on him and then threw her off when he was done, he then to her to leave the truck, that night she thanked him and to him how much of an exciting time she had.

She then broke down later told me everything and asked was she raped????

im beyond words


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

Wait a minute, she thanked him for a rape?

Wow.... There are people crazier than I initially thought in this world.

Run like hell man. And, don't look back.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

JFC.

When's the divorce?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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