# Wife feels empty, and has asked me to leave.



## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

Hi all,

I never post my privet life to strangers but I really could use the input from other people that are not in my life.

So We have been together for 5 1/2 years, and just got married 3 months ago. 

In this time I have gone to college got an AA in computer science, moved in to my moms, moved in to our own place, moved into a big house with a lot of people, moved back in with my parents, then saved up for our own house.

In getting the house we had to share with my sister and her daughter and husband, after 6 months they left because my wife and my sister had a falling out because she would never work and they complained about the price that they were paying to stay.

Because of this my mother stopped talking to my wife in a nice way.

my wife then got a second job working at home to pay the bills, she makes $45k a year at her current job and works 65+ hour weeks and i only make $25k while working 40 hour weeks.

6 months go by and her brother and his lover moves in as my other sister with her husband and child.

btw the house cost $250k give or take.

As of thursday she told me she was not happy and needed a brake. I did not understand why and tried to talk to her about it but the conversation was short and she decided that either one of us should leave for a few days. Being the person I am I told her I would leave.
I texted her the next night and asked her if she could take work off to work this out with me. she replied by saying that we could talk sunday, I texted back saying I dont think it could wait that long. and she said that she had a long work day and had to take her cousin to the airport as he was leaving for a year.

So I sat and waited all yesterday and most of today, I received a text telling me to come over and talk but that her mind was made up and I would not be changing it.
we talked for two hours, she told me she felt empty. she told me she did not know how to be happy, that she did not know who she was anymore.
I offered to help by working more to make her burden less, or selling my car, or that I would do anything to fix the issue.

None of this made any difference, she was upset at me for not helping, for the house always being messed up even though that is neither of our faults. She was mad when I told her she looked pretty the other day because I had not said it in a year.

she started by asking for a break, and ended by asking for a divorce.

I went upstairs got most of my clothing came back down and told her that I will always love her and nothing would change that, and I gave her my ring and said that I hope I could earn it back one day, hugged her and left.

I need help what have I done?


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

It doesn't seem like anything you've done it seems like she is frustrated with the situation. Living with others never helps a relationship, I know I've done it for years.

It seems she would be much happier in a place of your own and I can't blame her for that one bit. Did she seem happy when you had your own place?

The way your family treats her probably doesn't help, have you stood up to your mother for the way she treats your wife?


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

Thank you for replying, every bit helps me understand what can be done or what will happen next.

I think thats part of the problem, I think I have not done enough.

that was 4 years ago ish but I remember it was not nearly as stressful, I remember making a promise i failed to keep that she would only have to work until after college then she could do what she wanted that would make her happy.

Well at the moment, my mother and older sister dont talk to her.
and I have stood up to my mother and told her that it was none of her business, I also failed to mention that my wife fired my older sisters husband from her work for lying to her.


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

you need to make her feel that there is something special within yourself that she would be interested in.


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

Perhaps she feels unloved/unwanted/unappreciated? You said you hadn't told her she was pretty in a year?

How much attention have you been showing her? It's possible that through everything that was going on you didn't quite hold up your end of the relationship? If she doesn't feel desired or loved (judging by you not saying she's pretty in a year...) she's going to be unhappy and want out of the marriage so she can find someone who appreciates her and makes her feel special, beautiful and loved.


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

Thank you for your reply bahbahsheep,

I'm a little confused by what you meen.

do you mind elaborating?


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

- Hellioness

her exact words were, that she was so mad she could have punched me for telling her she was pretty because i had not done so in a year.

While I dont think thats true I am sure I said it at our wedding, nevertheless it is true I dont think I showed my affections enough I told her I loved her all the time, but I was never really expressive enough.

I kept it all inside thinking she knew that I felt that way. big mistake on my part, and I feel worse by the minute just thinking about it.


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

bob dole said:


> Thank you for your reply bahbahsheep,
> 
> I'm a little confused by what you meen.
> 
> do you mind elaborating?


meaning the identity which emobides the quality that you just happent to have and she likes. 


I am not sure what the US highschool culture is but from my highschool (sorry I went to a girls school but I hope you can find something useful in this example), if you were a senior and are good at something (nevermind sports, music, academic excellence etc), the girls will flock to you.


It is superficial but to capture her attention first is equivalent to buying an entry ticket to watch a game of football. Only after you enter the stadium with your ticket will you be able to watch the game live and know the result as well (i.e. develop the relationship).


The other type that attracts girls attention is if you are have a sweet doting attitude like a cute golden retriever, girls tend to be drawn to this kind of personality too but I see it more as a friend than someone that they feel can depend their life on for the long term.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Any chance there is another guy in the picture ? Are there any signs of an affair(google them up if you don't know what they are)


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

something not right here!

if she s the one feeling empty then maybe she should be the one to leave. has she ask you to go to MC? start snooping. not many people just come out and say I need a break then follow it up with what I really want is a divorce. 

anyway if it were me I would give her the option to stay and work on the marriage or she is welcome to leave. But I wouldn't go anywhere!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I wonder if you’ve been siding with your mother, sisters and BIL? Even if subconsciously. And if you have sided with them, would that mean you would withhold your love from your wife in a pssive aggressive way? Withholding like not telling her she’s looking good, not doing things like keeping the home tidy even though she works 25 hours a week more than you do and contributes way more financially than you do.


That “feeling empty inside” could be woman talk for “You don’t treat me affectionately. You don’t contribute as much as I do. You side not only with your mother, but your sisters and BIL as well. I’m working my nuts off to hold our heads above water and you can’t even keep the home clean and tidy. The problems I have with you are insurmountable so I don’t even go there and try and fix them. I don’t remotely feel that you love me let alone that you’re in love with me, I married the wrong man, I’m out of here”.



You had a woman who works 65 hours a week at two jobs and you lost her. You missed the opportunity to work with her instead of with your family. Sounds to me like you dipped out big time. Be thankful there aren’t any children, detach yourself and have your mind set on becoming a financially independent man.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

You guys should go to counseling and learn about boundaries. With so many people coming and going and bearing tension, how you interact with her matters. You two have too much to sort out before hosting any guests, so give her space for a couple of days, schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor, and see if you guys can sort this out.

If you are not showing her love and affection and she's bending over backwards to help support you and your live-in family, you should probably fix your behavior or she will leave you for good. You're demanding too much from her and you're not giving enough in return. She's probably fed up. 

Start treating her with love and affection regularly, take her side on things unless she is truly in the wrong, stop asking her to shoulder a disproportionately large burden, and work on your relationship -- if she lets you. This is what happens if you neglect your wife. Hopefully she will give you a second chance and you will use it well.


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

bob dole said:


> - Hellioness
> 
> her exact words were, that she was so mad she could have punched me for telling her she was pretty because i had not done so in a year.
> 
> ...


It may not necessarily get you anywhere but I figure at this point it can't hurt to try...

Why don't you send her a love letter/email? I LOVE getting these from my husband on the rare occasion I do (I tend to give more than I receive on that one). Tell her how much you love her, how beautiful you find her etc. Make sure it doesn't feel forced or rushed. Don't worry about rather or not it makes sense, you're not trying to write a college thesis, just sit down and let it come out.

I honestly don't think couples write love letters enough anymore.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Are you really sure there isn't someone else - another man - in the picture ? While your living and family situation is very bad for your marriage - her description of her feelings and her reaction to your words frankly sound more like that of someone who is an affair, and she's decided to finally dump you out of her life, with the goal of being with the OM.


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## Kitten77 (May 9, 2011)

AFEH said:


> I wonder if you’ve been siding with your mother, sisters and BIL? Even if subconsciously. And if you have sided with them, would that mean you would withhold your love from your wife in a pssive aggressive way? Withholding like not telling her she’s looking good, not doing things like keeping the home tidy even though she works 25 hours a week more than you do and contributes way more financially than you do.
> 
> 
> That “feeling empty inside” could be woman talk for “You don’t treat me affectionately. You don’t contribute as much as I do. You side not only with your mother, but your sisters and BIL as well. I’m working my nuts off to hold our heads above water and you can’t even keep the home clean and tidy. The problems I have with you are insurmountable so I don’t even go there and try and fix them. I don’t remotely feel that you love me let alone that you’re in love with me, I married the wrong man, I’m out of here”.
> ...


I couldn't agree more on those sentiments. I am in a similar situation. A few years ago I lost my full time job so I ended up working 4 jobs to keep us afloat. I would still have to come home to a dirty house, I would still have to mow the grass, take the trash out, etc. I'm now back to a real day job so the schedule isn't so crazy but decided I wasn't going to keep doing everything and it's September and our back yard hasn't been mowed once this Summer. I feel like our house is something we should take care of together, in his mind the house has nothing to do with our relationship. There are things I've asked him to help me with a thousand times but he pretends that the conversation never took place. 

Like your (bob dole) situation, I am very independent and he's very passive. He also never sticks up for me when it comes to his family. He sees it as not rocking the boat, I see it as everyone else comes before me. Therefore, he pushes me into being the bad guy because I will stick up for myself with his cousins who like to jump on my case. He doesn't realize the position this puts me in. This is why we don't have kids because I feel that this behavior will carry on, I won't be the only disciplinarian so he can be the good dad, the more likable parent and I spend the rest of my life being miserable because I have standards. I won't do it. She may be thinking in similar terms about the future. 

It really is my fault that I spent so many years focusing on my career and ignoring the neglect until I was ready to snap. I'm too independent for my own good. Now, the doesn't excuse his half of the breakdown but it's what I have to take responsibility for. 

I'm not as strong as I pretend to be and I finally realized I do need someone to be there for me on a different level than just a roommate. She may have come to that realization too and maybe it's pride or the walls she's put up to protect herself that's stopping her from really telling you, she may feel like it's a lost cause. I feel that way most days. I was in survival mode for a long time and not telling him that certain things were unacceptable. 

I don't know what will fix things in your relationship and I may be comparing it too much to where I am but I just wish I could get a real apology and acknowledgment for the neglect, for him not sticking up for me. I have been a good wife and I don't deserve to be ignored. I don't deserve to live in squalor because he doesn't "feel like" cleaning up after himself. I don't deserve to sit at home on a Friday night while he plays video games at his buddy's house. Acknowledge the things you didn't realize until after she wanted you to leave, in a direct way. The last thing she probably wants right now is a whiny man offering to be a doormat so she stays in the marriage. Showing weakness will make her run away faster, if she's hurt the last thing she can handle is taking care of you. Show you can act like a gown up, show you can hold up your end of the relationship without making her feel like she's going to have to be your mommy. 

Ask her out on a date (don't ask her where either! Don't hem-haw around. YOU decide! Show you can be a man who takes charge), go over to the house and ask (or maybe just look around and figure it out?) what she needs help with - without groveling or being insincere. Courting doesn't end because you're already married and that's a big mistake my husband has made.


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

rosebanks123 said:


> Why do you think she felt empty? This must have been your fault since she's asking you to leave. Maybe you didn't show her love and affection?
> 
> Thank you for the reply,
> 
> ...


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

bahbahsheep said:


> meaning the identity which emobides the quality that you just happent to have and she likes.
> 
> 
> I am not sure what the US highschool culture is but from my highschool (sorry I went to a girls school but I hope you can find something useful in this example), if you were a senior and are good at something (nevermind sports, music, academic excellence etc), the girls will flock to you.
> ...



Honestly I dont remember what trate she found appealing in the beginning, I was a mess back then, always partying, did not have a job, destroyed over my last relationship. 

I remember her saying the first time we met I was wearing her bra on my head, as i demanded it to make her a drink at the party.

Like I said I was way more crazy, now the job I have if pictures or anything got out I would be let go almost instantly as I work for a school district.


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Any chance there is another guy in the picture ? Are there any signs of an affair(google them up if you don't know what they are)


Thank you warlock07 for your reply,

I don't think so, but after reviewing some of them I'm not to sure,
when I asked her on friday to take sat off to talk she said no when I pushed further on it, one of her replys was that she was not doing anything stupid like fu#@(@* around.

And last night she said that she was not a **** and did not even have time to cheat on me anyways.

Now all of this is out of context so it does look pretty damning.
But I cannot tell you either way, after all that has happend from zero to goodbye.


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> something not right here!
> 
> if she s the one feeling empty then maybe she should be the one to leave. has she ask you to go to MC? start snooping. not many people just come out and say I need a break then follow it up with what I really want is a divorce.
> 
> anyway if it were me I would give her the option to stay and work on the marriage or she is welcome to leave. But I wouldn't go anywhere!


Thank you for replying chillymorn,

I asked her if she would not mind seeing a councilor, but her immediate response was no. I think you might have missed the fact that she is making more money then me by a lot, she has dumped most of it into the house. 
In my mind that makes her more owner then I and that she should not be the one to leave. besides I could never afford the house on my own.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If she is spending lots of time at work the OM could be there. Lots of very busy people have affairs.

Heck Clinton did it in the whitehouse , and I gotta think the president is both busy and watched by lots of people.

So don't write it off


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

She sounds like a person that's impressionable and could have maybe gotten someone whispering in her ear that the grass is greeener elsewhere. Someone is telling her she could do better. 

Your appeal has worn off for her...you're not cute anymore.


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

AFEH said:


> I wonder if you’ve been siding with your mother, sisters and BIL? Even if subconsciously. And if you have sided with them, would that mean you would withhold your love from your wife in a pssive aggressive way? Withholding like not telling her she’s looking good, not doing things like keeping the home tidy even though she works 25 hours a week more than you do and contributes way more financially than you do.
> 
> 
> That “feeling empty inside” could be woman talk for “You don’t treat me affectionately. You don’t contribute as much as I do. You side not only with your mother, but your sisters and BIL as well. I’m working my nuts off to hold our heads above water and you can’t even keep the home clean and tidy. The problems I have with you are insurmountable so I don’t even go there and try and fix them. I don’t remotely feel that you love me let alone that you’re in love with me, I married the wrong man, I’m out of here”.
> ...


Thank you for your painfully honest reply AFEH,

On the problems where my family and wife have parted ways, I stepped out of the situation, until the last one then i basically made my mother so mad she left her own house. I could not sit by, but I think it was to late besides my wife was not even around.

The reason behind me not cleaning the house was because I never made a mess. I have not had a meal in my own home in along time, because every time I thought about it I looked at the mess and said screw it I did not cause that train wreck.

last week I lost my s^@& and cleaned everything until it was spotless, with in two days it was destroyed again, and it was neither mine or my wife's fault. 

Sorry this thread has gone crazy I will try to reedit the original post but she no longer works two jobs, just the one at 65+ hours

I hope your wrong, I hope that theres still some way to fix my relationship.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

3 months of marriage is still a honeymoon phase. I can't imagine she wasn't feeling this way BEFORE walking down the aisle.


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

For all,

I left out a key part I think in my post, her cousin was staying with us for the last two months he is a good man, but he took her everywhere. The bar, to at least 4 concerts, and to an outdoor overnight concert. I feel that since that started, things got worse.

Im not blaming him, he was just an outlet for her to express what she had bottled up.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

bob dole said:


> For all,
> 
> I left out a key part I think in my post, her cousin was staying with us for the last two months he is a good man, but he took her everywhere. The bar, to at least 4 concerts, and to an outdoor overnight concert. I feel that since that started, things got worse.
> 
> Im not blaming him, he was just an outlet for her to express what she had bottled up.


How nice for her. That explains the whispering in the ear thing.

She probably feels she settled and could do much better than you. Especially materially.


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

moxy said:


> You guys should go to counseling and learn about boundaries. With so many people coming and going and bearing tension, how you interact with her matters. You two have too much to sort out before hosting any guests, so give her space for a couple of days, schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor, and see if you guys can sort this out.
> 
> If you are not showing her love and affection and she's bending over backwards to help support you and your live-in family, you should probably fix your behavior or she will leave you for good. You're demanding too much from her and you're not giving enough in return. She's probably fed up.
> 
> Start treating her with love and affection regularly, take her side on things unless she is truly in the wrong, stop asking her to shoulder a disproportionately large burden, and work on your relationship -- if she lets you. This is what happens if you neglect your wife. Hopefully she will give you a second chance and you will use it well.


It seems a little hard to treat her with affection and love when I am currently staying at a friends house and she said she wont change her mind about this. Trust me I would do anything to fix this anything but I think she given up.


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

Hellioness said:


> It may not necessarily get you anywhere but I figure at this point it can't hurt to try...
> 
> Why don't you send her a love letter/email? I LOVE getting these from my husband on the rare occasion I do (I tend to give more than I receive on that one). Tell her how much you love her, how beautiful you find her etc. Make sure it doesn't feel forced or rushed. Don't worry about rather or not it makes sense, you're not trying to write a college thesis, just sit down and let it come out.
> 
> I honestly don't think couples write love letters enough anymore.


I probably should wait some time before doing that?
I thought about going over every day after work and cleaning and making things nice, then leave before she came home but that seemed stalkerish.


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Are you really sure there isn't someone else - another man - in the picture ? While your living and family situation is very bad for your marriage - her description of her feelings and her reaction to your words frankly sound more like that of someone who is an affair, and she's decided to finally dump you out of her life, with the goal of being with the OM.


I dont know, but harping about her is not going to fix that?

should I walk away from a 5 1/2 year relationship if she did cheat? 

I always said it was the one thing that would make me leave.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> How nice for her. That explains the whispering in the ear thing.
> 
> She probably feels she settled and could do much better than you. Especially materially.


This would make a lot of sense. Based on the OP, it sounds like her life really sucks. She can't enjoy her own home because there's a constant stream of grifters moving in an out, and her husband makes slightly more than minimum wage. Don't feel bad for not making as much money as you want to make (none of us do), but understand that all of these little things add up to make a painfully frustrating situation.

There doesn't need to be another guy (singular) in the picture. She could look at her friends lives, see how drama-free they are, and think "I deserve that too." 
Going out to bars and concerts, she might be meeting a lot of nice men. If all 5 guys she talks to in the same day have similar interests, more money, and less drama, then suddenly it's not such a bad idea to leave and start fresh.

I don't have any useful advice. Do that 180 thing. Take care yourself and become the best person you can be. You'll eventually win her back or find someone else.


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

bob dole said:


> For all,
> 
> I left out a key part I think in my post, her cousin was staying with us for the last two months he is a good man, but he took her everywhere. The bar, to at least 4 concerts, and to an outdoor overnight concert. I feel that since that started, things got worse.
> 
> Im not blaming him, he was just an outlet for her to express what she had bottled up.


While I don't think her cousin had any ill intentions and simply wanted to enjoy time spent with family, when he took her out and gave her individual attention like that I'm sure it must have shown her what she wasn't getting from you and what it was like to be taken out and receive individual attention. I'm sure it reminded her of how happy and enjoyable dating was since she wasn't getting that treatment in her marriage.


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

Kitten77 said:


> I couldn't agree more on those sentiments. I am in a similar situation. A few years ago I lost my full time job so I ended up working 4 jobs to keep us afloat. I would still have to come home to a dirty house, I would still have to mow the grass, take the trash out, etc. I'm now back to a real day job so the schedule isn't so crazy but decided I wasn't going to keep doing everything and it's September and our back yard hasn't been mowed once this Summer. I feel like our house is something we should take care of together, in his mind the house has nothing to do with our relationship. There are things I've asked him to help me with a thousand times but he pretends that the conversation never took place.
> 
> Like your (bob dole) situation, I am very independent and he's very passive. He also never sticks up for me when it comes to his family. He sees it as not rocking the boat, I see it as everyone else comes before me. Therefore, he pushes me into being the bad guy because I will stick up for myself with his cousins who like to jump on my case. He doesn't realize the position this puts me in. This is why we don't have kids because I feel that this behavior will carry on, I won't be the only disciplinarian so he can be the good dad, the more likable parent and I spend the rest of my life being miserable because I have standards. I won't do it. She may be thinking in similar terms about the future.
> 
> ...


I dont know what to say to this, I have tried to give her everything she wants, but I guess I never gave her what she needed.

You are right though I have been an extremely passive man, "what do you want to eat tonight?" "whatever you want sounds good" stuff like that.

after reading all of these messages from the community, I have realized that I should be less passive and more alpha male. the problem is that it might be too late? and I dont know how long to leave her be until I start sending her love letters, asking her out.


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

Sorry I am not replying to every post as there are so many and I lost track where I was at.



Hellioness said:


> While I don't think her cousin had any ill intentions and simply wanted to enjoy time spent with family, when he took her out and gave her individual attention like that I'm sure it must have shown her what she wasn't getting from you and what it was like to be taken out and receive individual attention. I'm sure it reminded her of how happy and enjoyable dating was since she wasn't getting that treatment in her marriage.


I fully agree with this line of thinking, at this point I know that she still loves me, as she said that many times last night. I know she feels like she should be treated better, lastly she seems like she is not willing to try to fix the marriage or at least at this point in time. as she said I could not change her mind.

I dont know im still at a loss as to what to do, I have been so passive for so long that I know stepping is right, I know I still love her and I am willing to do anything, but she has done so much for so long that she is not willing.. how can that be fixed? do I give her space for a week then start sending her love letters, leaving her flowers in the house, asking her out?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I think you should lay low and let her figure out what she really wants. I can't see how turning up the romance would help NOW, she's not interested. If she was willing to accept that from you she would still be with you, right? Moving out is very drastic. 

Ask her what she would like you do and then do just that. Don't beg, grovel or plead. That's unattractive. You don't want to repel, you want to attract her.


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

bob dole said:


> Sorry I am not replying to every post as there are so many and I lost track where I was at.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This is a tough situation because you don't want to ignore her (as with the 180) if your lack of attention is what caused this in the first place, but if it was that you don't stick up for her as well you don't want to seem like a doormat either. 

If I were in your position I would give her some space, wait a couple of days and see if she reaches out to you, if you haven't had any contact by then send her flowers with a note saying you'd like to take her out. Just make sure you plan the date ahead of times with things you know she enjoys, that will also show that you pay attention to her. You don't want to talk her on a date where you ask her where she wants to go.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

So many times we push and push trying to get what WE want, not thinking really about what THEY want.


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> I think you should lay low and let her figure out what she really wants. I can't see how turning up the romance would help NOW, she's not interested. If she was willing to accept that from you she would still be with you, right? Moving out is very drastic.
> 
> Ask her what she would like you do and then do just that. Don't beg, grovel or plead. That's unattractive. You don't want to repel, you want to attract her.


If the problem is that he wasn't paying attention to her asking her what she wants him to do will only make it worse and prove that he doesn't pay attention to her needs.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Hellioness said:


> If the problem is that he wasn't paying attention to her asking her what she wants him to do will only make it worse and prove that he doesn't pay attention to her needs.


People aren't mind readers, and everyone needs different things. Obviously he has not one clue about what hers are. Asking could help. It's not about being right here, it's about being happy. Maybe she could get past that by helping him out?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Hellioness said:


> While I don't think her cousin had any ill intentions and simply wanted to enjoy time spent with family, when he took her out and gave her individual attention like that I'm sure it must have shown her what she wasn't getting from you and what it was like to be taken out and receive individual attention. I'm sure it reminded her of how happy and enjoyable dating was since she wasn't getting that treatment in her marriage.


:iagree:


bob dole said:


> I fully agree with this line of thinking, at this point I know that she still loves me, as she said that many times last night.


I went through a similar situation in my previous marriage. My brother moved into our house with his wife and child for a few months since they sold their house and the new house was not finished yet. Just seeing how he treated his wife and how they interacted as a couple made me realize I had set pretty low expectations of my husband and began to feel very unloved in my marriage. 

Her telling you she still loves you is really good to hear. In my case we were at the point of too little too late. I would recommend communicating 2 things to her at this time....

1) Acknowledge that you have failed in putting her and your marriage at the top of the priority list, but since you have moved out it has hit you like a 2x4 and you are ashamed at how you have neglected her needs and failed to appreciate all she has been doing for you and your family.

2) Reassure her that you understand why she feels unloved and the need to move on but request that she give you a shot to start over from here, even if that means really starting over by going on dates and re-connecting. This might take the pressure off of her to make any decisions she is not yet ready to make, but also put the ball in your court to 'bring it'


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

Again thank you all for your input.

I think my plan is to wait at least a week, then start writing her and taking her out if she will let me. 

There are other things I did not mention, we were suppose to go on a trip to Hawaii at the end of october.

I will nut up more, and be more like my old self. Funny out going, nice, loving.


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## bob dole (Sep 17, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_

Well I think I made a mistake, I went over for dog food and pads, and started cleaning house.
After I did some cleaning I left and texted her that I did that and not to be upset.
Now all I want to do is text her goodnight but she did not reply to the last.

This is tearing me up inside. At least if she said divorce and that's it I would know where I stand.
But since I have been so inattentive I feel like I should do nothing but smother her. 
That will only make things worse.

Help.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

You should never have moved out of your home. Move back in. Don’t tell her you're going to do it, don’t ask her if you can, just do it.


You let your mother and sisters push you around and abuse your boundaries. Now you are letting your wife do the same. You need to stop that pattern of behaviour.


Take a read of http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hold-Your-N...4400/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1346613764&sr=8-3


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