# Depression, Anxiety, and it's effects on relationships.



## CrazyVixen (Jun 14, 2012)

Hello everyone. This is my first post and I was just hoping to get some feedback from other member's who have the same issues.
I suffer from Anxiety disorder and Depression, along with frequent panic attacks. I am going to be seeing a Physciatrist in a couple weeks for these issues.

All in all, my boyfriend and I have a great relationship. He is loving, sweet, supportive and we get along great. 
I will admit we have communication issues at times...
I'm 19 and so is he. He has a job working 9-11 hours a day, 5 days a week, sometimes 6. At times this can really get to him and he gets very stressed out. Our financial situation isn't the best either, and it really doesn't help that I'm not working. I do have a very severe form of agoraphobia that I will be getting treatment for soon, so I hope to help lighten this burden.

My boyfriend also has some anger issues that he sometimes lets get the best of him. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with his outbursts? What can I do to help calm him down? Should I leave him alone or talk to him quietly? What would help in the long-run? 

Anyways, more to the point... Sometimes when I am in my depressive moods I tend to get more annoyed with him than usual. It's like everything he says and does becomes annoying. I wish I knew why this happened and what I could do to fix it. I love him, and I don't want to have any kind of harsh feelings towards him. 

We recently had a long, hard talk about how my depression and anxiety was starting to take over my life again. I was lying in bed, not doing anything, crying all the time. I finally agreed to seek out treatment. I hope things start looking up for us soon. 

I would appreciate any advice on the matter. 

--- Forgot to mention we have been together 5 years now.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I completely understand where your coming from. I myself have Anxiety, depression,anger issues, ocd, and tourettes while my own SO has adhd, and anger issues. We too have been together for almost five years, (will be 5 on oct 18th) and known each other for almost 7 years. We have financial issues as well so your not alone in that department either. Dealing with your issues as well as your SO's issues will be hard and it will be something you both will have to constantly work on. For you... I can recommend that.. even though your a stay at home spouse for now... while you are home you can try taking up some things that will help with your anxiety and depression. Have you ever tried gardening before? Do you play any sort of video games? You could try taking a nice relaxing bubble bath every day to help calm your nerves. As far as your SO goes... how about you two try lovepong.com? It could help you two communicate to each other about some issues your unable to talk about properly .. face to face. There are also several good books and recommendations on this site that can help you out as well.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Some things that you may want to take a look at would be...


The five languages of love. (They have a free quiz you can take as well.. you and your SO should take it when you can. It can be a real eye opener and help a bit with the communication issue.)

His needs/ her needs (Haven't gotten this book yet but i plan to, it seems like it could be pretty helpful as well from what i heard others mention about it.)

Fireproof (A movie you and your SO can watch together sometime)
Love/dare (Something you ... and maybe your SO can try out as well if you wanted.) 

Now... there are a few other books .. but I don't remember them.. so perhaps someone else could come along and post links to help you out lol.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

There's a whole special forum for depression/anxiety. This should probably be posted there.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

True.. OP you could ask a mod to move this thread to that specific section if you wish...


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## CrazyVixen (Jun 14, 2012)

Thank you guys! And okay, I didn't realize that until after I posted.
Sorry, I will ask a mod to move it. 

Gaia - Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to me. I will take your advice to heart and start finding some other outlets. Another problem is I don't have any friends because of my agoraphobia, so I'm sure that contributes. 
I have read The Five Languages Of Love. I really did enjoy that book. Have been wanting to read Her needs, His needs. I've never seen or heard of the Fireproof movie? Huh... I will have to look into it.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

CrazyVixen said:


> Thank you guys! And okay, I didn't realize that until after I posted.
> Sorry, I will ask a mod to move it.
> 
> Gaia - Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to me. I will take your advice to heart and start finding some other outlets. Another problem is I don't have any friends because of my agoraphobia, so I'm sure that contributes.
> I have read The Five Languages Of Love. I really did enjoy that book. Have been wanting to read Her needs, His needs. I've never seen or heard of the Fireproof movie? Huh... I will have to look into it.


You could also come join us in the social spot section.. you get plenty of laughs there.


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## youractualtherapist (Jul 3, 2012)

Hi, 
Anxiety, anger (any emotions really) are very normal. Basically it's a direct response to our thoughts, particularly negative thoughts in the case of the negative emotions you are experiencing. Take some time to consider that the negative thoughts may not be 100% accurate, they are likely to be catastrophic/worse case scenario. Unfortuanately our minds pick up on our vulnerabilities and flood our thoughts with negativity. Just like a bully really, if a bully knows who are concerned about your weight it will pick on this subject, however, the bully will exagerate 'Your enormous', 'Your the fatest person in the world' etc. as you can see it is inaccurate but you believe. (sorry about using weight as an example to illustrate this point, hope didn't offend).
If you are unable to contain your thoughts and feel they are 100% overwhelming, take a few minutes to concentrate on the sound of traffic, colour of wall, smell of food etc, if you can be aware of these things existing you can argue that the thoughts are not 100%, there is other stuff going on which is actually more realistic. You may benefit from looking at some information on my site Your Actual Anxiety
Hope the advice helps and good luck


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Vixen, I suffered from depression around the time my oldest was about 2 years old. It was weird. The doctor said it was still post partum, but it was delayed. Honestly, it was more because I was forced to wean him due to HIS health. Not anything in my milk, but he had seizures (turned out to be epilepsy) and was hospitalized, heavily medicated, lethargic due to they meds they gave him...so he quit cold turkey, and I was very depressed because of the whole situation. After being medicated for a couple years, the doctor took me off it. I have been (mostly) ok ever since.

Four years ago, my husband was diagnosed with depression. His diagnosis has since been revised to bipolar, anxiety, agoraphobia, add, mild ocd. He's got quite a mess about him and it can be difficult relating, at times. But I'm not giving up. When he gets angry, I tell him I will give him space he needs, and I try to avoid angering any further. But, mostly, he gets depressed, so I do my best to assure, and reassure him. Other than that... I am often at a loss.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Mental health the only form of medicine that is a self fulfilling prophecy.

Don't get me started down this road!! Just good luck and the only advice I'll give is unless the person is truly certifiable......it's all a choice!!

I've been around this my whole life I'm not saying it's fake, but misery loves company and mental health patients love to talk about their mental health issues all day too.

It's a choice!!


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

CrazyVixen said:


> My boyfriend also has some anger issues that he sometimes lets get the best of him. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with his outbursts? What can I do to help calm him down? Should I leave him alone or talk to him quietly? What would help in the long-run?


Let him vent and give him space. Sometimes people are angry at the situation and they need to express how upset they are. 

Get some hardcore drugs from the doctor. Don't be discouraged if the first ones don't work.


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

Make sure you work on yourself and don't try to fix yourself because you think you'll fix him, sounds like he has a few issues too. 

Right now I feel somewhat powerless over the anxiety and depression in my life, although I am older than you both and my situation involves some really poor choices by my wife followed by bad advice and poor reactions by me. Don't make the mistake of putting your significant other up on a pedestal, making them the center of your emotional needs, and/or believing that catering to them will fix their problems, it will make it 10 times worse, he will grow to resent you and view you as clingy and needy, and your anxiety and depression will get even worse.

Fix yourself, find strength from within, love him for where he's at, make sure you establish boundaries on what is acceptable in terms of his anger, but try not to look down on him or judge him too harshly. I used to get very angry with my wife because of HER depression/anxiety and before I realized it I had driven her away because she never talked to me about how much it bothered her. Communication is key, but without establish boundaries as to what is acceptable, you will have problems later on.


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

OhGeesh said:


> Mental health the only form of medicine that is a self fulfilling prophecy.
> 
> Don't get me started down this road!! Just good luck and the only advice I'll give is unless the person is truly certifiable......it's all a choice!!
> 
> ...


I really hope it never hits you then the way it hit me.

I was EXACTLY like you, I looked down on anxiety and depression as foolish because I believed people just weren't looking at the right things in life, and that they should just snap out of it. I am glad that you are able to do that, but for some of us it is NOT that easy.

Certainly the idea that it's a choice is an easy one to come up with when you aren't dealing with it, but not everyone deals with emotions the same way, sometimes peoples' hormones get all crossed up and they actually NEED help to get back to a stable situation.

Attitudes like yours are why very good people who have a future end up ending their lives, because if everyone thought the way you do, there would be no help out there for anyone going through desperate times.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Po12345 said:


> I really hope it never hits you then the way it hit me.
> 
> I was EXACTLY like you, I looked down on anxiety and depression as foolish because I believed people just weren't looking at the right things in life, and that they should just snap out of it. I am glad that you are able to do that, but for some of us it is NOT that easy.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree:
For 8 years, I had NO CLUE that there was anything festering under the surface with my husband. It literally took me by surprise when he woke up one morning, CRYING that he didn't want to go to work. He LOVED his job...at least, I thought he did. But it wasn't just about work. So much stress was coming down on him... he finally broke. And when he broke, SOOOO much spilled out. And now, 4 years later, he is STILL struggling. So, no, it is NOT a choice. The man HATES talking to people...even about what is troubling him. I have to PULL it out of him, to MAKE him talk to me. And he wasn't always that way, either. Just since this all began. So, he is not "certifiable"... there is something off inside of him, and the doctors are trying to figure out what exactly is wrong. In the meantime, I ask him how he's feeling, reassure when he gets down, etc. I'll admit. There was a point when I believed it was all b.s.... Now? Not at all. I see my husband in there. And I see him fighting his way back to the surface. I just worry about how I can help him.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Po12345 said:


> I really hope it never hits you then the way it hit me.
> 
> I was EXACTLY like you, I looked down on anxiety and depression as foolish because I believed people just weren't looking at the right things in life, and that they should just snap out of it. I am glad that you are able to do that, but for some of us it is NOT that easy.
> 
> ...


Well, I never said no help, cast out, I'm just not a believer 9 times out of 10. The joke in the medical community is Psych MD's and Therapist are medicated as much as their patients. 

After watching people go through the maze of diagnosis and therapy only to finally be on nothing and do just fine.........I tend to agree in all but the most serious cases.

I do some people that are severe bi-polar and they are a trainwreck without meds. Anxiety and depression.........not so much.

**If your spouse said they can't stop cheating because they are sex addict would you be as supportive? That's another bullcrap diagnosis imo it's a choice we aren't animals


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