# The remorse is coming...



## missinglife (May 1, 2012)

I still can't quite say it's guilt exactly, but there's definitely more a sense of remorse and regret over hurting my husband. We had a very up and down day yesterday, both crying a lot and I completely freaked at one point, throwing things (not at him, just throwing a chair to the floor) at my frustration with not being able to understand how things got so bad. 

This is all so new and fresh, it only happened a week ago. So it makes me wonder if there are "Stages of Grief" for the betrayer in the same way there are stages for the betrayed.

Honestly, I wish more was written on the subject from the perspective of the betrayer. I've searched high and low and there's a little about why people do it, but not a lot about how it feels from this end in the aftermath. Maybe people don't think we deserve it, that we don't deserve the validation of reading things about how to cope ourselves. Perhaps people think we should just be prostrate with remorse and guilt and that's that. But it's not always the case and we really need more. If marriages are to be salvageable at all, we need it just as much as anyone else.

I wish counseling could start tomorrow and not two weeks from now!


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Have you checked on the Coping With Infidelity board? I haven't been there, but it's possible there are former-cheaters as well as cheated-on SOs on that board.


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