# Confused ...



## Adventures1897 (4 mo ago)

I met my husband during the COVID pandemic on eharmony - he was in Australia and I was in Canada. We talked on the phone for over a year and needless to say, I fell head over heels for him. He moved to Canada in 2021 and the person I thought I knew wasn't really the person I spoke to on the phone

We had a massive blow up in November 2021 where he was angry enough to leave - he made arrangements for a flight to return to Australia. I don't recall specifically what the arguement was about but I had had enough of him by this time so let him continue with his plans as I decided to move to the UK. I didn't speak to him for 2 days but in that timeframe he was mean and cruel but eventually begged me to talk to him and forgive the misunderstanding. For whatever reason, I forgave him and we continued on. In November we arrived in the UK and the weight of the world was on my shoulders - I was responsible for everything (financial etc). His never ending moods wore on me but I wanted to give him and our relationship a chance. In January of this year we got married in Copenhagen.

He decided that he wanted to return to Australia to "deal" with some financial issues and see his family. I supported this by paying for plane tickets (not the cheap ones but business class) as he promised that once he had some money it would all be easier. I attributed to his moods to the lack of funds, missing his family and his children. He flew out the middle of February and for 6 glorious weeks it was back to the relationship that I loved. He was happy, in good spirits and kind. When I flew out to Australia to be with him, he was wonderful for the first week and then his kids arrived. His parenting and mine are VERY different and I tried to understand that he had missed his kids and was making up for lost time. However, I was furious when he paid a bike (1500) and a camera (1000) when he couldn't afford plane tickets, groceries etc from November 2021. For my birthday, I received a magazine ..... Once again the moods and his behaviour started again and I had decided (in the middle of nowhere) that this relationship needed to come to a close. I was fed up of him taking things out on me, making me always the problem. However, once again he made me feel guilty and we made up flying back to the UK

Less than 3 weeks later, he decided that we should move permanently to Australia. He told me that things would be better financially and he wanted to be closer to his kids (12 and 14). Once again, I paid for the airfares, moving our belongings and all the hardwork. I would need a visa to live here, would need to resign my position (for the second time) and give up my life. I agreed hoping that things would improve ... They did for a week

We have now been here for 6 weeks and surprise surprise NOTHING has changed. He is constantly moody and takes everything out on me if I am not "happy and smiling." I am alone here - no friends, no family and I have resigned my job!!!! I feel completely trapped and taken advantage of

I know people will tell me to talk to him but it's impossible ... I have no idea what I should do (I paid 11k for a visa to live here which will not be refunded)... I am thinking of trying to keep the peace by staying here with him until I am in a financial position to leave him

Thoughts????


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Hiding1897 said:


> I know people will tell me to talk to him but it's impossible


No, I won't tell you that.

Read through your own story above and see if you can identify places where you made mistakes.
Ask yourself how you made them. Learn from it.
Make changes to yourself so that you don't make the same mistakes again.

Do not be a "slow learner".

You need to figure out what you wish you did different in the past, and then see how you made mistakes.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Jeez lady ……. Wake up to the reality. 
Get a divorce and move back to Canada already. A steady stream of bad choices is catching up with you. It’s pretty easy to see your husband is a loser.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Hiding1897 said:


> I met my husband during the COVID pandemic on eharmony - he was in Australia and I was in Canada. We talked on the phone for over a year and needless to say, I fell head over heels for him. He moved to Canada in 2021 and the person I thought I knew wasn't really the person I spoke to on the phone
> 
> We had a massive blow up in November 2021 where he was angry enough to leave - he made arrangements for a flight to return to Australia. I don't recall specifically what the arguement was about but I had had enough of him by this time so let him continue with his plans as I decided to move to the UK. I didn't speak to him for 2 days but in that timeframe he was mean and cruel but eventually begged me to talk to him and forgive the misunderstanding. For whatever reason, I forgave him and we continued on. In November we arrived in the UK and the weight of the world was on my shoulders - I was responsible for everything (financial etc). His never ending moods wore on me but I wanted to give him and our relationship a chance. In January of this year we got married in Copenhagen.
> 
> ...


@Hiding1897 Welcome to TAM. I would focus my efforts on his moods, dig in to find the cause of those. I tend to be a bit moody myself and it's generally caused by a messed up past that leaves me with some irrational insecurities (I’m a work in progress)

Knowing the source can give you both tools to fight it.

Can you get him into marriage or individual counseling? Maybe get to the root of that issue?


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Hate to be blunt, but it sounds that’s what you need. You two are obviously not compatible. Plus, he’s using you financially. I highly doubt he loves you, but does love the freebies you give him, so he’s stringing you along. And he will never change who he truly is.

I would suggest putting him out of your life for good. Divorce him, move back home and put yourself first. When he comes crawling back, which he will, be strong and ignore him. Block his phone number. This is a terribly toxic relationship for you. And you would be foolish to continue it.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Personally, I could never be with a man willing to abandoned his children, as that is a HUGE character flaw. It would have been one thing to stay in a dysfunctional relationship in one location, but it defies logic that, knowing what he had shown you, you gave up your entire life and moved half way around the world with him. I think you’d be much happier if you went home and chalked his up to a bad mistake. I’m sure all this moving wasn’t as easy as it reads on here, but since you’re experienced with it hopefully it won’t be too difficult for you to do.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

You married someone that you didn't know and now you are paying the consequences. Cut your losses.


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## Sally Q (4 mo ago)

I agree you married someone you didn’t know. They used you. Cut your losses. Learn to live and enjoy your life again. Best wishes


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You got played. What’s your plan?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Hiding1897 said:


> I met my husband during the COVID pandemic on eharmony - he was in Australia and I was in Canada. We talked on the phone for over a year and needless to say, I fell head over heels for him. He moved to Canada in 2021 and the person I thought I knew wasn't really the person I spoke to on the phone
> 
> We had a massive blow up in November 2021 where he was angry enough to leave - he made arrangements for a flight to return to Australia. I don't recall specifically what the arguement was about but I had had enough of him by this time so let him continue with his plans as I decided to move to the UK. I didn't speak to him for 2 days but in that timeframe he was mean and cruel but eventually begged me to talk to him and forgive the misunderstanding. For whatever reason, I forgave him and we continued on. In November we arrived in the UK and the weight of the world was on my shoulders - I was responsible for everything (financial etc). His never ending moods wore on me but I wanted to give him and our relationship a chance. In January of this year we got married in Copenhagen.
> 
> ...


He’s using you as his sugar momma. Get rid of him immediately. Now he’s also made yiu move to his home turf to find his life style. Run run run!


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