# Romance cheesy?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Is romance cheesy? What makes it cheesy and cringe? Do women even like it these days?

I'm a dude, and after one year single I seem to have got this side of me back, never let it out though recently, takes too much vulnerability and not enough chemistry with the women I've dated.

It reminds me though of what a friend said to me when I gave my ex a handwritten love note, that it was cheesy. But hey it worked and ex loved it. But was it cheesy?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

the world is made up of all types , there are women there that think it is old fashioned and many expect it ,


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

It’s only cheesey if you fake it or use it only to get something. If it’s shallow, it’s lame


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Romance is still working for this barbarian 31 years later. I was actually pretty bad at it but improved over time.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Like most things, it depends on the person. Some people enjoy romance. Others, not so much.

For example, it can be difficult for my husband to show romance, but he enjoys being romanced, if that makes sense. 

Also, it doesn't have to be an all or nothing concept. The occasional romantic gesture would seemingly be well-accepted by most people in a loving relationship. No need to overdo it though, as it can start to feel forced.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

What is romance to you guys though?

For me, it also involves creating moments. Like, the way I approach the first kiss, it has to be at a moment where the emotions are heightened, the timing is right and the situation permits it. If one factor isn't there, I wouldn't attempt the first kiss even if she's signalling strongly she wants it, though I would engineer a scenario.

Also I hated my approach with online dating, it was all interviews and I didn't realise it until I got "interviewed" back like I was an essay to be marked. Where's the romance in that? Yet that seems to be how it works, no wonder no chemistry.

People seem more willing to share their bodies than to share a romantic moment though, myself included. And they approach relationships like whatever, without the sentimentalities. Also what do you think of those? Like using language beyond bf/gf, soulmates etc.


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## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

I'm the king of cheesy. My Ex would even tell me I was cheesy.. but she loved it nevertheless. It came from my heart.. she knew that too and appreciated it.

If I were to meet someone new, I'd hold off on the cheese until I knew her better... read the room.

P.S. Sorry, this was for the ladies.. I just clicked.. my bad.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Romance is still working for this barbarian 31 years later. I was actually pretty bad at it but improved over time.


Most women appreciate the effort even if you're not great at it.

In some ways I give more credit to the guys who make effort even though they struggle with it.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> Most women appreciate the effort even if you're not great at it.
> 
> In some ways I give more credit to the guys who make effort even though they struggle with it.


I second this! It's the effort, even if it is cheesy sometimes.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

For some people it's the entire relationship and what it's based on, hence limerence. I'm more subtle then full on in this, yet I don't think I can go without the sweet nothings, silly sentimentalities, etc.

I won't be in penguin suit singing a song though that's just silly and way too much 😅






Who would even like that?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> Is romance cheesy? What makes it cheesy and cringe? Do women even like it these days?
> 
> I'm a dude, and after one year single I seem to have got this side of me back, never let it out though recently, takes too much vulnerability and not enough chemistry with the women I've dated.
> 
> It reminds me though of what a friend said to me when I gave my ex a handwritten love note, that it was cheesy. But hey it worked and ex loved it. But was it cheesy?


Why would women not like romance?

We don't like fake.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Anastasia6 said:


> Why would women not like romance?
> 
> We don't like fake.


That's why I'm asking women, because it was a female friend who told me my love note approach was cringe.

Ex loved it sure, but not all do actually looking back. They preferred more sexual less romantic.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> Why would women not like romance?
> 
> We don't like fake.


Some women don't like romance no matter how well done it is. They will always think it's cheesy.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> For some people it's the entire relationship and what it's based on, hence limerence. I'm more subtle then full on in this, yet I don't think I can go without the sweet nothings, silly sentimentalities, etc.
> 
> I won't be in penguin suit singing a song though that's just silly and way too much 😅
> 
> ...


LoL!

Mrs. C likes me singing to her but I'll skip the suit.😋

She likes gifts that are thoughtful, getting flowers, being taken to dinner and a movie or to see something interesting.

She likes getting love notes.

She loves it when I read to her but I don't know if that qualifies as romance though it is for us.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ConanHub said:


> LoL!
> 
> Mrs. C likes me singing to her but I'll skip the suit.😋
> 
> ...


How about sentimentalities with you guys?

Curious if topics of fate and spirituality enter the conversation. May not mean anything ultimately, but it expresses the depth of one's feelings.

Also, do you guys have moments where you just stare at each other? Or you know, the really slow kisses, do they make you cringe? They make me cringe.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

I can only hope there is some small aspect of romance in my next relationship. I was seriously neglected over 15 years and I could use a bit. I’m not a woman who needs roses and chocolate or extravagant gifts, but I want to be chased. I want to be pined for and I fear this is asking too much and many men will think it’s too much work or themselves think it’s cheesy.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> How about sentimentalities with you guys?
> 
> Curious if topics of fate and spirituality enter the conversation. May not mean anything ultimately, but it expresses the depth of one's feelings.
> 
> Also, do you guys have moments where you just stare at each other? Or you know, the really slow kisses, do they make you cringe? They make me cringe.


We are often very sentimental with each other.

We are also very spiritually in tune with each other.

We often can't take our eyes off each other but she starts blushing and getting turned on if she sees me staring. LoL!

I am a world class kisser (been rated many times) and I love kissing. Mrs. C had to be trained up in that department but we have kissed for over an hour at a time though it usually leads to sex.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I can only hope there is some small aspect of romance in my next relationship. I was seriously neglected over 15 years and I could use a bit. I’m not a woman who needs roses and chocolate or extravagant gifts, but I want to be chased. I want to be pined for and I fear this is asking too much and many men will think it’s too much work or themselves think it’s cheesy.


I don't believe your desires are unreasonable at all.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I can only hope there is some small aspect of romance in my next relationship. I was seriously neglected over 15 years and I could use a bit. I’m not a woman who needs roses and chocolate or extravagant gifts, but *I want to be chased.* I want to be pined for and I fear this is asking too much and many men will think it’s too much work or themselves think it’s cheesy.




Explain wanting to be chased. How would you like to be chased?



ConanHub said:


> We are often very sentimental with each other.
> We are also very spiritually in tune with each other.
> We often can't take our eyes off each other but she starts blushing and getting turned on if she sees me staring. LoL!
> I am a world class kisser (been rated many times) and I love kissing. Mrs. C had to be trained up in that department but we have kissed for over an hour at a time though it usually leads to sex.


I don't like kissing too much. One hour? Nah I'll get bored lol


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Explain wanting to be chased. How would you like to be chased?
> 
> 
> 
> I don't like kissing too much. One hour? Nah I'll get bored lol


I pretended to be Pepe le Pew in grade school and I got a lot of kisses out of the performance.😉

To each their own. Kissing is the bomb for this barbarian.😎


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

You’re not doing it right then if you get bored 😆

hmmm being chased. I want to be checked on when we’re not together. I want to be told how much I’m needed/wanted, I really just want to be cherished for who I am and to me, that’s a way of chasing me. Non of that makes sense I suppose. I’ll have work on wording it I guess. I’m new to it all.


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

I've never been much into the standard "romantic" gestures, they always seem a little formulaic and impersonal to me. For example, I hate getting flowers. I love flowers and devote hours upon hours of my leisure time to maintaining huge flower gardens in my yard. To me, cut flowers are dying flowers. Death row flowers. Don't give me flowers, I don't care if every other woman swoons over them, they're a disappointment to me.

Same with diamond jewellery. Every December 24th my friend's hubby goes to some chain jewellery store and the salesperson chooses my friend's Christmas present, which is always some expensive piece of diamond jewellery. I guess it's supposed to be special, but to my way of thinking it's not _thoughtful_. It doesn't take into account her tastes and preferences.

That's what puts me off, if the guy seems to be following some standard romance-by-numbers guide to This Is What Women Like without considering the unique qualities of the one he's with.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

No way is romance cheesy, well certainly not for me anyway. The romance for me, is the thought behind it rather than the gesture itself. If my husband saw a flower while out on a walk for example, thought of me so picked it and brought it home, that would mean the world to me. More than 100 red roses on Valentines Day because he felt he had to.

I love love LOVE romance. Bring it on. All the romance!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Corgi Mum said:


> That's what puts me off, if the guy seems to be following some standard romance-by-numbers guide to This Is What Women Like without considering the unique qualities of the one he's with.


My wife would rather have a living plant, even better she’d like to pick it.

I only bought her a piece of jewelry once ever when she wasn’t involved in the purchase. She likes really expensive stuff, only top end. Her favorite brand I went to hang out with their North American rep and had maybe too much champagne and I ordered a ring for her that I knew she’d like because it’s from a collection she already has. I surprised her with it and she was shocked. She had mentioned wanting it several times in the past. Anyway she wore it for maybe two weeks and it has been in the safe since then.

So basically gifts aren’t her thing.

“Fancy” dinners are not her thing either.

What she does like is availability to do what she wants to do with travel. When I first started dating her she was always excited to show me this or that place that she likes and I went everywhere with her.

It can be really cheap down to driving on a road she hasn’t been on. That by itself, like hey we’re going two hours out of our way because we have never been on this road. If I can muster some enthusiasm for that; it makes her heart sing.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I can only hope there is some small aspect of romance in my next relationship. I was seriously neglected over 15 years and I could use a bit. I’m not a woman who needs roses and chocolate or extravagant gifts, but I want to be chased. I want to be pined for and I fear this is asking too much and many men will think it’s too much work or themselves think it’s cheesy.


As we lay in bed nude recently, my wife told me that all women like to be seduced.

We don't often get into heavy romantic moods now other than when I talk dirty to her. She loves it and sometimes I'm rewarded with that secret sexy smile that she comes up with from time to time.

Dunno whether this comes under romantic, but she loved it when I "misbehaved".

When we were living together we were co workers at the Probation Office in Orange County, CA. She worked day shift and I worked swing shift. We did not want to become the subject of office gossip so kept our relationship private. I decided to do something that would get co-workers' attention and make her the center of attention. 

I sent in a small potted plant thinking co-workers would ask about it. Nothing.

I sent in a large stuffed kangaroo with joey (she's Australian). When I came in I found it in her supervisor's desk chair. They weren't able to ignore this and speculation ran rampant. Most of the men had an eye for her and I wondered what their reaction was knowing that it didn't come from them. I couldn't ask without giving it away.

Next I had a florist deliver a dozen red roses and one yellow rose. Four at a time plus one. The florist delivery person was great. He delivered the first four, went downstairs and back to his truck, got the second group of four and so on. 

When I came in, she gave me a mischievous look and smile. The speculation was now at a frenzy and she looked like the proverbial self satisfied cat.


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife would rather have a living plant, even better she’d like to pick it.


Ditto, either houseplant or a perennial for my garden. Something I can enjoy for years to come, not something that's going to drop dead petals in two days' time.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> What is romance to you guys though?


To me, I guess it's about consideration and demonstrating love-care-thoughtfulness-interest. Sometimes can be playful or goofy. I feel the warm fuzzies with our romantic gestures. Perhaps that's cheesy of me. Who cares! Although is there a difference between romantic gestures and just loving on each other?

Anyway, here's a couple of small recent gestures from the bat-cave. We were at our friend's place for dinner and after I'd answered a question that my husband asked of me as part of the group conversation, he turned to our friends and commented along the lines that his wife was both more beautiful than him and smarter than him too. The way in which he expressed this though; I was feeling it. In the moment I just chuckled, and friend responded, 'She keeps you on your toes.' He agreed and indicated that that was a positive.

Then, his (our) friend was over helping him with yard work. I'd made them lunch, and as I was turning away he winked at me and mouthed 'love you'.

Another gesture from last week - and which occurs randomly - I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and he'd already placed the toothpaste on my toothbrush for me.

I love receiving cut flowers and he will randomly bring me flowers or place them on my home-desk for me. Two weeks ago, he brought home a beautiful bouquet for me. And I find it adorable that he points out why he chose that certain arrangement with me in mind.

Over the years there's obviously been different romantic gestures expressed to one another. From those quiet moments of just 'being' with one another to more planned-out larger expressions.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Stuffed toys for adults are a bit cheesy. Cheese, ironically....not that cheesy.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Some women don't like romance no matter how well done it is. They will always think it's cheesy.


Answers may vary depending on length of relationship. 
When I was packing for a day of fresh water fishing trip, shady, peaceful on our lake and specifically up some old Florida creeks W packed my lunch, included a love note, extra beer, and my favorite bbq plate. 

If that's not romance I don't know what is.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

CountryMike said:


> Answers may vary depending on length of relationship.
> When I was packing for a day of fresh water fishing trip, shady, peaceful on our lake and specifically up some old Florida creeks W packed my lunch, included a love note, extra beer, and my favorite bbq plate.
> 
> If that's not romance I don't know what is.


Romance is the little, daily things not the commercialized BS


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

joannacroc said:


> Stuffed toys for adults are a bit cheesy. Cheese, ironically....not that cheesy.


Really? So none of these?










I got ex a giant plush dolphin while on vacation. We also took it in the car with us. When we parked, I put it on the driver's seat and his fins on the steering wheel 😅

When we flew home we had to put it through the security check and the guard was like "dolphin coming through, need some water at the other end" 😅









Thats not the romance I'm talking about though lol


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

Romance is unique to every couple. I want something from the heart that shows consideration. Whether that’s surprising me with a drink and a little note after a hard days work or cooking a special dinner or taking kids to school one day to let me sleep in a little longer or ???
It can’t be forced or fake.


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

And I’m okay with some of the “cornier” stuff sometimes too as long as it’s a little thoughtful and fun.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

I asked my wife about whether I'd been romantic in the stunt at the office. She said, yes, but that she thought my arranging for motel rooms for us and our two friends, the chapel, preacher and harpist for our elopement was more romantic.

She comes from a social strata in Australia where men are dominant. She likes dominant men as she feels taken care of and doesn't seem too worried about not being part of the decisions. She has problems with my egalitarian attitude and sees it as being indecisive and not a "mover and a shaker", so when I take control she sees that as "romantic".


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Lotsofheart73 said:


> And I’m okay with some of the “cornier” stuff sometimes too as long as it’s a little thoughtful and fun.


What makes it corny?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> What makes it corny?


Want a list? 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> What makes it corny?


Too much trying to make a big thing of kissing her all over her body before serious hot foreplay.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> Want a list? 🤣🤣🤣🤣


Lol I wanna see!



CountryMike said:


> Too much trying to make a big thing of kissing her all over her body before serious hot foreplay.


Making that a big thing? How? Lol


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Lol I wanna see!
> 
> 
> 
> Making that a big thing? How? Lol


As it's cheesy to think gently kissing her all over her body is successful foreplay.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

CountryMike said:


> As it's cheesy to think gently kissing her all over her body is successful foreplay.


Flowers, chocolate, cards, etc. Anything that can be bought or sold falls under "cheesy"


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Flowers, chocolate, cards, etc. Anything that can be bought or sold falls under "cheesy"


Flowers and card delivered to her work twice a year unexpectedly has worked for me. Everytime she's all excited it happened. Not too frequently though. Then it's routine.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

CountryMike said:


> As it's cheesy to think gently kissing her all over her body is successful foreplay.


Well, sliding my hand down her inner thighs avoiding all 'points of interest' then sliding them back out is enough for successful foreplay for me 😅

I wouldn't call that cheesy lol


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Well, sliding my hand down her inner thighs avoiding all 'points of interest' then sliding them back out is enough for successful foreplay for me 😅
> 
> I wouldn't call that cheesy lol


I'd agree!


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

Well I would say “corny” or “cheesy” is going to vary by couple. But to me things that fit this category are what many consider typical acts or gifts that require little thought or have not been personalized. So a random stuffed animal with no meaning behind it. Or cards bought at store with nothing be a name written inside.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

I think it depends on the content of the note really. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I love you and your farts even smell good too." Cheesy. Something more heartfelt and genuine would be less so.


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