# My wife is watching gang bang porn



## sly8 (Feb 25, 2017)

My wife (who is 24, I am 30) has been watching porn lately. That in itself is not a problem. I have never minded if she watched, though she said she didn't. It's not that she's watching porn, it's the content that she is watching. She does it privately, multiple times a day. She hides it from me.

She has been watching gang bang porn. Not only just gang bangs, but bondage gang bangs and one that she watched over and over easily could have passed as a rape gang bang. I don't know what to think about it, this cannot be normal? 

I am her only sexual partner. She has never done anything like that before, nor given any sign that she wants to. I am NOT into that. I haven't mentioned this to her yet... I don't know what to say. She is a very quiet, sweet woman, this isn't what I'd ever expect from her. Is this just normal fantasies? 

Please don't troll... I seriously debated posting this. I tried to just Google it but all I came back with was every porn site on the web.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Let her. If it's not problematic for your sex life then she should be able to explore her fantasies. Lots of people watch things in porn that they would never want in real life. As long as your sex life together is good I wouldn't worry. 

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## sly8 (Feb 25, 2017)

Mollymolz said:


> Let her. If it's not problematic for your sex life then she should be able to explore her fantasies. Lots of people watch things in porn that they would never want in real life. As long as your sex life together is good I wouldn't worry.
> 
> Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk


Our sex life is ok. The sex isn't mind blowing, never has been though. She has never talked to me about her fantasies, she said she didn't have any. I don't know if this is a recent thing she's discovered or if it's always been something she's liked. I feel like, looking back, she has tested the waters with things she has said to me. Gang bangs, even just MMF, are not happening. I had my fun back in my younger days. 

She's also watched gay men porn, which at first I found odd but I guess that's no different than a man watching lesbian porn.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

sly8 said:


> My wife (who is 24, I am 30) has been watching porn lately. That in itself is not a problem. I have never minded if she watched, though she said she didn't. It's not that she's watching porn, it's the content that she is watching. She does it privately, multiple times a day. She hides it from me.
> 
> She has been watching gang bang porn. Not only just gang bangs, but bondage gang bangs and one that she watched over and over easily could have passed as a rape gang bang. I don't know what to think about it, this cannot be normal?
> 
> ...



We all have our fantasies and they're endless.

If she watches porn, just be honest and say, I watch porn from time to time.

One of her fantasies is to be almost raped, tied to the bed? I would say, do this fantasy with her and get good at it. She will remember that.....or you can say, I'm not into that and nuts to her. She will remember that as well....as long as its between the two of you.

Take care of her needs and she will take care of your needs.

That means doing things you may not love to do but she is your wife and time to man up and take care of her fantasy.....find out how to surprise her, tie her down and have sex with her....blind fold her.....rock her world. You will bond together even more.

Buy something like this

https://www.alibaba.com/product-det...60285940060.html?spm=a2700.7724838.0.0.yJG7J4

Tie her to the bed, blind folded, use this on her while you have sex with her......I think she would never forget that.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

sly8 said:


> Our sex life is ok. The sex isn't mind blowing, never has been though. She has never talked to me about her fantasies, she said she didn't have any. I don't know if this is a recent thing she's discovered or if it's always been something she's liked. I feel like, looking back, she has tested the waters with things she has said to me. Gang bangs, even just MMF, are not happening. I had my fun back in my younger days.
> 
> She's also watched gay men porn, which at first I found odd but I guess that's no different than a man watching lesbian porn.


Maybe the conversations you've had where you feel like she's testing the waters are her trying to gauge your reaction to her being truthful about her fantasies? I've mentioned a few things I think I'd like to my husband. He didn't seem interested so I tend to keep my fantasies to myself because I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I'd rather have sex with him that we both enjoy. Maybe your wife is doing the same? Has she ever explored these types of things prior to you? It could be she got lost on a porn site one day and her interest in these things spiralled from there. 

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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

sly8 said:


> She does it privately, *multiple times a day*.


The bolded is the only part of what she is doing that is concerning. How does she have time to do this multiple times per day. Does she not work or have other responsibilities?


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## sly8 (Feb 25, 2017)

CuddleBug said:


> We all have our fantasies and they're endless.
> 
> If she watches porn, just be honest and say, I watch porn from time to porn.
> 
> ...


The farthest I've gone (which was with a different woman) into BDSM was handcuffs. That was enough for me. I really don't think I'd be able to go THIS far with her. She hasn't talked to me about it ever, should I try and get it out of her? Maybe if I pretended to be into it she'd "show interest". She's quite a shy person. It took a long time for her to even tell me what felt good and what didn't, still working on that really. A machine like that could eliminate the need for additional men. 



Mollymolz said:


> Maybe the conversations you've had where you feel like she's testing the waters are her trying to gauge your reaction to her being truthful about her fantasies? I've mentioned a few things I think I'd like to my husband. He didn't seem interested so I tend to keep my fantasies to myself because I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I'd rather have sex with him that we both enjoy. Maybe your wife is doing the same? Has she ever explored these types of things prior to you? It could be she got lost on a porn site one day and her interest in these things spiralled from there.
> 
> Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk


She was a complete virgin before we met. She had only kissed one guy and it didn't progress from there. It does worry me that she'll want to explore her sexuality now because she never has. We have never explored anything like this. She has always said she had no fetishes or fantasies. I was with a virgin for 3 years before I met my wife and she ended up cheating with a large number of men. So the fear could be stemming from that.


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## sly8 (Feb 25, 2017)

Red Sonja said:


> The bolded is the only part of what she is doing that is concerning. How does she have time to do this multiple times per day. Does she not work or have other responsibilities?


We have an infant, she's staying home to take care of him right now. She's been watching when he goes down for a nap (twice a day) and at night in bed.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

sly8 said:


> The farthest I've gone (which was with a different woman) into BDSM was handcuffs. That was enough for me. I really don't think I'd be able to go THIS far with her. She hasn't talked to me about it ever, should I try and get it out of her? Maybe if I pretended to be into it she'd "show interest". She's quite a shy person. It took a long time for her to even tell me what felt good and what didn't, still working on that really. A machine like that could eliminate the need for additional men.
> 
> 
> 
> She was a complete virgin before we met. She had only kissed one guy and it didn't progress from there. It does worry me that she'll want to explore her sexuality now because she never has. We have never explored anything like this. She has always said she had no fetishes or fantasies. I was with a virgin for 3 years before I met my wife and she ended up cheating with a large number of men. So the fear could be stemming from that.


Try to let the fear go. She's your wife. She married you hopefully because she's in love with you. Don't pretend to be interested in BDSM stuff if you're not. It'll only confuse and possibly hurt your wife. It could cause her to be more shy. I think you should try not to worry. Tons of men watch threesoms in porn buy from what I've read on this site and others is that most men are dead against actually having them. I think the same sort of idea can be applied to your wifes tastes in porn 

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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

So I read some erotica that described the heroine having sex with multiple partners simultaneously. It was sci-fi erotica (which is somehow more morally acceptable in my mind, which I know makes no sense). I did not have any experience in the mechanics of such things, so I was curious about how it would work. Geometrically, so to speak. So I looked at some porn similar to what you describe. I think. 

Anywho. It was weird ... and arousing. Probably because of the hangover effect from the erotica, more then in and of itself. But I did enjoy watching it, which freaked me out. Especially because "normal" porn leaves me cold. This led to a conversation with my husband. This was a good thing. Because it opened up our discussion of sexual fantasies. No, we do not now or EVER intend to have multiple partner or other-partner-of any-kind sex. But my husband asked me why I was aroused by it. And I explained that I was turned on by the thought of being helpless, and of being surrounded. So we incorporated some of that into occasional sex play. No, we did not go all 50 shades of grey, either. But it definitely added spice to our sex life. 

I agree with @Mollymolz that lots of people watch things in porn that they would never want to do in real life. She is hiding it from you because she is ashamed of watching it, perhaps ashamed of being aroused by it, or because she thinks you will judge her. The problem with hiding things is that it is easier to become obsessed with forbidden things. If you do judge her for this, then I would let it go as a private thing that she is entitled to do in her own fantasy world. But I think that this would be sad. Because we are wired in strange and wonderful ways. And sex is about discovery. Don't judge her. Tell her you noticed, but that you were more concerned about her keeping it a secret from you than about the actual content. And then ask her why she watches it. I say again, don't judge her. Just invite her to open her heart and mind to you.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Mizzbak said:


> So I read some erotica that described the heroine having sex with multiple partners simultaneously. It was sci-fi erotica (which is somehow more morally acceptable in my mind, which I know makes no sense). I did not have any experience in the mechanics of such things, so I was curious about how it would work. Geometrically, so to speak. So I looked at some porn similar to what you describe. I think.
> 
> Anywho. It was weird ... and arousing. Probably because of the hangover effect from the erotica, more then in and of itself. But I did enjoy watching it, which freaked me out. Especially because "normal" porn leaves me cold. This led to a conversation with my husband. This was a good thing. Because it opened up our discussion of sexual fantasies. No, we do not now or EVER intend to have multiple partner or other-partner-of any-kind sex. But my husband asked me why I was aroused by it. And I explained that I was turned on by the thought of being helpless, and of being surrounded. So we incorporated some of that into occasional sex play. No, we did not go all 50 shades of grey, either. But it definitely added spice to our sex life.
> 
> I agree with @Mollymolz that lots of people watch things in porn that they would never want to do in real life. She is hiding it from you because she is ashamed of watching it, perhaps ashamed of being aroused by it, or because she thinks you will judge her. The problem with hiding things is that it is easier to become obsessed with forbidden things. If you do judge her for this, then I would let it go as a private thing that she is entitled to do in her own fantasy world. But I think that this would be sad. Because we are wired in strange and wonderful ways. And sex is about discovery. Don't judge her. Tell her you noticed, but that you were more concerned about her keeping it a secret from you than about the actual content. And then ask her why she watches it. I say again, don't judge her. Just invite her to open her heart and mind to you.


I whole heartedly agree with everything you've said. I couldn't put it better myself. 

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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

@CuddleBug  [BIG EYES] that is quite a ... uh ... machine.

OK - I was thinking to start a lot smaller. For example, (and to be fairly blunt) something that worked well for me was trying an anal plug during normal vaginal sex. Get the surrounded feeling but with nothing that needs to be plugged in (no pun intended). And just the two of you. Did I mention "Start small!" enough?

... still blinking.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Mizzbak said:


> @CuddleBug  [BIG EYES] that is quite a ... uh ... machine.
> 
> OK - I was thinking to start a lot smaller. For example, (and to be fairly blunt) something that worked well for me was trying an anal plug during normal vaginal sex. Get the surrounded feeling but with nothing that needs to be plugged in (no pun intended). And just the two of you. Did I mention "Start small!" enough?
> 
> ... still blinking.



If she is into rape porn, imagine two guys pounding her hard.

You and this sexual aid or something else she might love. But you get the general idea.

Start blind folding her, tie her to the bed, you use a toy on her and also have sex with her. That's pretty close, right?

I'm sure she will be very surprised and blown away. Happy wife happy life.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

sly8 said:


> The farthest I've gone (which was with a different woman) into BDSM was handcuffs. That was enough for me. I really don't think I'd be able to go THIS far with her. She hasn't talked to me about it ever, should I try and get it out of her? Maybe if I pretended to be into it she'd "show interest". She's quite a shy person. It took a long time for her to even tell me what felt good and what didn't, still working on that really. A machine like that could eliminate the need for additional men.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

sly8 said:


> We have an infant, she's staying home to take care of him right now. She's been watching when he goes down for a nap (twice a day) and at night in bed.


Not so long ago, I was a new mother at home with a newborn. The desire to escape (just for a moment) is incredibly normal. To want to use sexual pleasure to do that. Also normal.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

If there is a type of porn that is legal here, I have probably at least watched it out of curiosity. Porn and fantasizing can be a good thing if it enhances rather than detracts from your sex life. 

Although, I have watched it before, I have no interest in being part of a gang bang, or BDSM, glory holes, or any other such thing. I also am not a lesbian, though it has been watched too. 

As long as she sees it as ONLY a fantasy, you are good to go. Maybe role play with her, but never introduce anyone else into the mix or encourage that. 

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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Mizzbak said:


> Not so long ago, I was a new mother at home with a newborn. The desire to escape (just for a moment) is incredibly normal. To want to use sexual pleasure to do that. Also normal.


Agreed! I couldn't wait for naps. For me embracing my serial side helps counter act the monotony of rearing children. It helps retain my identify. 

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## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

sly8 said:


> My wife (who is 24, I am 30) has been watching porn lately. That in itself is not a problem. I have never minded if she watched, though she said she didn't. It's not that she's watching porn, it's the content that she is watching. She does it privately, multiple times a day. She hides it from me.
> 
> She has been watching gang bang porn. Not only just gang bangs, but bondage gang bangs and one that she watched over and over easily could have passed as a rape gang bang. I don't know what to think about it, this cannot be normal?
> 
> ...


Jesus, take the hint, what physcology could possibly desire those things, maybe try exploring a bit.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Your wife is a sexual being. Sexual beings have fantasies. Doesn't mean she is going to act on them. Just talk to her. There is nothing to be embarrass about. People are freaky, it doesn't mean they are cheaters or have bad morals, it just means they like to escape. Seriously if you just talk about it, it may be good for your marriage. If you make it shameful it probably won't be. 

Not saying you have to do anything you are uncomfortable with, but have fun with it.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Lots of people have sexual fantasies that they would never want to act out in real life. Bondage / rape fantasies are very common. It may be more the idea of being taken / forced / raped that excites her, not the multiple partners.

I'm not surprised / concerned that she hasn't told you - its the sort of thing that people find too embarrassing to talk about. 

Things are fine, you don't need to do anything. If you do want to explore this then try some very mild suggestion for play in bed. See if she wants to watch 50 shades. Or joke about throwing her on the bed and having your way with her. Do it in a way that lets her easily back out, or escalate.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i would guess she has a strong rape fantasy. Some women do. They like the idea of being forced "against their will" to have sex, and secretly enjoy it. I hear some women are the same way about anal sex, that is so degrading and controlling, that it turns them on. 

You can role play the fantasy with her, help her to explore it in a healthy way with you. Maybe she blindfolds herself to not see you. then you tie her up and have your way with her, forcing her to do things she normally would not do. Then leave the house. You, her husband, comes back home a few minutes later from the corner store to remove her blindfold, untie her, and "discover" that she had been violated.

there are all sorts of variations. Some couples dress up in animal costumes, and have sex as animals would.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

If she's that shy it would make sense that a helpless scenario would be erotic. That fantasy is about being the center of a sexual festival with no responsibility for admitting or having sexuality. Many people are ashamed about basic hard core sexuality but this fantasy allows a woman to be completely sexual without expressing it - it's taken and forced but she gets the benefit of it.

Did she have a particularly moral or religious upbringing? Maybe she is turned on by sex but feels it's shameful a little bit inside.

Anyway I think you can do very simple, subtle things to find out. When on top work your hands up and grab her wrists and more forcefully have sex - just a bit and just a bit more selfishly - and restrain her wrists just a little (as in allowing her to move them and free herself if she wants). You might find she "gives in" a bit and lets you take some control. That might indicate she wants you to play with that sensation a little. As in, put your hand on the back of her head and gently but somewhat firmly push her to blow you... things like that without asking... these are simple basic shifts in control that many find erotic.

Just a few thoughts 


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

sly8 said:


> My wife (who is 24, I am 30) has been watching porn lately. That in itself is not a problem. I have never minded if she watched, though she said she didn't. It's not that she's watching porn, it's the content that she is watching. She does it privately, multiple times a day. She hides it from me.
> 
> She has been watching gang bang porn. Not only just gang bangs, but bondage gang bangs and one that she watched over and over easily could have passed as a rape gang bang. I don't know what to think about it, this cannot be normal?
> 
> ...


No its not normal, it seems she is addicted to this violent type of porn and she much stop watching it for her own good and the good of the marriage.The more she watches the more she is feeding what is not helpful for her.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> i would guess she has a strong rape fantasy. Some women do. They like the idea of being forced "against their will" to have sex, and secretly enjoy it. I hear some women are the same way about anal sex, that is so degrading and controlling, that it turns them on.
> 
> You can role play the fantasy with her, help her to explore it in a healthy way with you. Maybe she blindfolds herself to not see you. then you tie her up and have your way with her, forcing her to do things she normally would not do. Then leave the house. You, her husband, comes back home a few minutes later from the corner store to remove her blindfold, untie her, and "discover" that she had been violated.
> 
> there are all sorts of variations. Some couples dress up in animal costumes, and have sex as animals would.


Good grief, having sex dressed as animals? Acting out rape? How is this something to be encouraged?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Good grief, having sex dressed as animals? Acting out rape? How is this something to be encouraged?


Rape fantasies are not uncommon. It's not even outrageous to act them out as long as there is consent and nobody gets TOO into it. 

Dressing up as animals? I have no idea... 

Anyway, there have been some stretches where I went through strange porn fetishes. Nothing too crazy, just maybe not overlly mainstream. They were just a quick phhase then it got old and nothing more came of it. I never wanted or intended to act any of it out. It was just fantasy. 

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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Good grief, having sex dressed as animals? Acting out rape? How is this something to be encouraged?


Rape fantasy amongst others is a thing.

You could try reading some of Nancy Friday's work to learn about this.

Nancy Friday on Amazon

Nancy Friday on Wikipedia

www.nancyfriday.com


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> Rape fantasies are not uncommon. It's not even outrageous to act them out as long as there is consent and nobody gets TOO into it.
> 
> Dressing up as animals? I have no idea...
> 
> ...


If I ever had a rape fantasy(which thankfully I never have), I wouldn't feed it by looking at porn. Somethings need to be starved not fed, and I would seriously be concerned what was skewed in me that I could only enjoy sex if violence and rape was implied/used.
Mind you we don't use porn anyway, I see nothing good about it and so much that is damaging.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> Rape fantasy amongst others is a thing.
> 
> You could try reading some of Nancy Friday's work to learn about this.
> 
> ...


It maybe a thing, but not one that should be fed.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Good grief, having sex dressed as animals? Acting out rape? How is this something to be encouraged?


I think it's important not to shame people's serial preferences. As long as all parties involved are willing, consenting, adults then they should be able to play how they see fit. Who are we to judge? Sexual acts that some love make others uncomfortable. It does not make them wrong. It's like music. We all have our own tastes. 

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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> If I ever had a rape fantasy(which thankfully I never have), I wouldn't feed it by looking at porn. Somethings need to be starved not fed, and I would seriously be concerned what was skewed in me that I could only enjoy sex if violence and rape was implied/used.
> Mind you we don't use porn anyway, I see nothing good about it and so much that is damaging.





Diana7 said:


> It maybe a thing, but not one that should be fed.


Stop feeding the OP's fears. Your preference for vanilla sex does not render everyone else's sexual interests/fantasies that aren't in line with yours, wrong or concerning. Some may consider your sexual preferences incredibly boring but in much the same way it would be wrong for others to try to pressure you into trying new things, it is wrong for you to try to suppress the sexual interests of others and suggest that it is a perversion. 

Having a fantasy is natural and you must realize by now (if anything based on your experience at TAM) that the rape fantasy is indeed very common among a decent chunk of the female population. Enough with the shaming already. Stay away from sexual threads if you cannot avoid allowing your judgmental approach to stifle whatever advice you want to share. This is not helpful to the people who are posting and reading here.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Peoples sexual interest vary wildly. Your fantasies don't turn towards force / rape, and that is fine. Other people's do - and that is fine too. Fantasy really is completely different from reality, its just stories that people tell themselves, not something that they actually want to do. Sometimes people may want to play-act their fantasies, and that is fine too.

Someone who can *only* enjoy sex with some amount of coercion might have a difficult time finding a compatible partner and in some cases could be the result of personality / psychological issue, but I see nothing wrong with people who enjoy a variety of sexual ideas that include force.

Its not really different from a lot of other human activities. Many people enjoy doing things that give the impression of danger (roller-coasters, bungee jumping, etc), or even real danger (sky diving). Some enjoy things that are physically unpleasant (mountain climbing, endurance races, etc.). It doesn't seem strange to me that some people like an element of make believe danger in their sex lives. 





Diana7 said:


> If I ever had a rape fantasy(which thankfully I never have), I wouldn't feed it by looking at porn. Somethings need to be starved not fed, and I would seriously be concerned what was skewed in me that I could only enjoy sex if violence and rape was implied/used.
> Mind you we don't use porn anyway, I see nothing good about it and so much that is damaging.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Keke24 said:


> Enough with the shaming already. Stay away from sexual threads if you cannot avoid allowing your judgmental approach to stifle whatever advice you want to share. This is not helpful to the people who are posting and reading here.


I completely agree, but at the same time shame can be such a fun element for those seeking a thrill. The OP mentioned his wife was a very "quiet, sweet woman" which is an indication she is very ashamed of violent gangbangs, which is likely the exact same reason they might excite her so much! 

Look at this (something extremely shameful and shocking), oh my!  

In the event violent gangbangs were normalized, rehearsed, expected, techniques inspected by OSHA, and very common, then the OP's wife would be more like, "meh!"

So if the OP shames his wife and allows others to feed his fears, odds are it will only make it more exciting for his wife to watch this content. If he talks openly with his wife about it, tells her not to be ashamed because it is just a harmless fantasy, and that they should go shopping for a safety harness.... well their marriage would likely improve a little but all the fun and excitement would likely be gone due to the loss of adrenaline unless the OP can crank up the shame in a sexually creative way to help keep the sparks flying! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

The addiction aspect worries me most. For some people, porn really is an addiction like a drug. If she is getting into that territory it will be harmful to her and the family.

It could be her hormones are a bit whacky from the recent child birth. If her sex drive is off the charts she may be needing to get a release frequently, and she may be interested in things she never was before.

As long as the content of the porn remains a fantasy I would't worry that she is watching gang bang sex. Just because she finds it exciting to watch doesn't mean she has any intention or desire to do it in real life.

I'm not sure what you're worried about, though. Do you think she may be considering cheating? Or maybe she wants an open marriage or to try swinging?


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## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

TheTruthHurts said:


> If she's that shy it would make sense that a helpless scenario would be erotic. That fantasy is about being the center of a sexual festival with no responsibility for admitting or having sexuality. Many people are ashamed about basic hard core sexuality but this fantasy allows a woman to be completely sexual without expressing it - it's taken and forced but she gets the benefit of it.
> 
> Did she have a particularly moral or religious upbringing? Maybe she is turned on by sex but feels it's shameful a little bit inside.
> 
> ...


shyness is a sign of submissive behavior, She WANTS to be dominated and because her husband is not dominating her, she is seeking that feeling else where.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> Stop feeding the OP's fears. Your preference for vanilla sex does not render everyone else's sexual interests/fantasies that aren't in line with yours, wrong or concerning. Some may consider your sexual preferences incredibly boring but in much the same way it would be wrong for others to try to pressure you into trying new things, it is wrong for you to try to suppress the sexual interests of others and suggest that it is a perversion.
> 
> Having a fantasy is natural and you must realize by now (if anything based on your experience at TAM) that the rape fantasy is indeed very common among a decent chunk of the female population. Enough with the shaming already. Stay away from sexual threads if you cannot avoid allowing your judgmental approach to stifle whatever advice you want to share. This is not helpful to the people who are posting and reading here.


Preach it! We're all into our own thing. Some like vanilla, some like a little more. 

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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> Stop feeding the OP's fears. Your preference for vanilla sex does not render everyone else's sexual interests/fantasies that aren't in line with yours, wrong or concerning. Some may consider your sexual preferences incredibly boring but in much the same way it would be wrong for others to try to pressure you into trying new things, it is wrong for you to try to suppress the sexual interests of others and suggest that it is a perversion.
> 
> Having a fantasy is natural and you must realize by now (if anything based on your experience at TAM) that the rape fantasy is indeed very common among a decent chunk of the female population. Enough with the shaming already. Stay away from sexual threads if you cannot avoid allowing your judgmental approach to stifle whatever advice you want to share. This is not helpful to the people who are posting and reading here.


Believe me, we don't have 'vanilla' sex, we just don't bring others into it through porn, and we don't act out violence. 
I have never met a woman who has that fantasy ever. I am sure a few do, but why is that a good thing to be encouraged? I see it as a harmful thing to be starved, not fed and built with porn.
Just because I don't agree with you, I am not supposed to post? I have seen far too much damage done by porn in peoples lives and marriages, its never a good idea ever.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Believe me, we don't have 'vanilla' sex, we just don't bring others into it through porn, and we don't act out violence.
> I have never met a woman who has that fantasy ever. I am sure a few do, but why is that a good thing to be encouraged? I see it as a harmful thing to be starved, not fed and built with porn.
> Just because I don't agree with you, I am not supposed to post? I have seen far too much damage done by porn in peoples lives and marriages, its never a good idea ever.


I completely agree with that, and you should post. But just be aware that you are likely telling the OP what he wants to hear and not what he needs to hear. Obviously his wife has no qualms about watching this type of adult content, while he does have problems with it. Solving this problem with like-minded individuals will probably just serve to create more frustration for the OP. He first needs to expand his points of view and be able to see all the aspects of this situation from people giving him advice from the point of view similar to his wife. 

Imagine being a conservative and suddenly discovering you are married to a liberal. For sure it is so easy for him to grab onto conservative views and advice, but first he needs to understand and try to better empathize with more liberal viewpoints before deciding how to proceed in his marriage regarding this topic. The combination of a conservative and liberal are an ideal combination as their conflicting philosophies on life tend to create diversity when the two actually find ways to work together. Odds are she can let go of compulsively watching porn, if he can learn to embrace some mild role playing to provide some variety other than insisting he just be himself every time. 

Generally speaking those that are afraid to take on the role of playing out the fantasy of being someone that they are not in real life, have to take a close look as to why they would feel threatened by doing that. It is usually a fear of being loved for someone that you are not, but in reality your partner sees you as being someone who is not afraid to try doing something a little outside your usual comfort zone and just have fun doing it. 

From an innocent point of view, imagine someone that refuses dress up for halloween because they insist that just being themselves will be the most fun at the party!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Please keep posting, the point of discussion is to have many points of view.

I do know women who are into BDSM and various force fantasies but I live in a very socially liberal community. Its difficult to say how common these are, but the popularity of 50-shades suggests that it is a quite common fantasy. 

The reason to encourage fantasies is that they are fun. It seems fine to me as long as no one is actually hurt. 





Diana7 said:


> Believe me, we don't have 'vanilla' sex, we just don't bring others into it through porn, and we don't act out violence.
> I have never met a woman who has that fantasy ever. I am sure a few do, but why is that a good thing to be encouraged? I see it as a harmful thing to be starved, not fed and built with porn.
> Just because I don't agree with you, I am not supposed to post? I have seen far too much damage done by porn in peoples lives and marriages, its never a good idea ever.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> If I ever had a rape fantasy(which thankfully I never have), I wouldn't feed it by looking at porn. Somethings need to be starved not fed, and I would seriously be concerned what was skewed in me that I could only enjoy sex if violence and rape was implied/used.
> Mind you we don't use porn anyway, I see nothing good about it and so much that is damaging.


Rape is one of my hottest fantasies, and I role play with my partner a lot. The same with porn. Honestly, to each his or her own. It might not be your cup of tea, but if two people enjoy it, or one person....what should it matter to anybody else? We are nearly all sexual beings, and we all fall on some place on the sexual scale...some at one end, others at the other. It doesn't make one group good or bad.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

uhtred said:


> Please keep posting, the point of discussion is to have many points of view.
> 
> I do know women who are into BDSM and various force fantasies but I live in a very socially liberal community. Its difficult to say how common these are, but the popularity of 50-shades suggests that it is a quite common fantasy.
> 
> The reason to encourage fantasies is that they are fun. It seems fine to me as long as no one is actually hurt.


Fantasies and role play are crazy fun! 

Honestly, I think kinksters have healthier relationships, sometimes. We talk to each other honestly about our wants and desires. We have to trust the other completely in order to divulge such taboo ideas and fantasies, and to trust the other person to respect our limits and needs. This is something I see lacking in so many relationships. People are too afraid to say what they want/need.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Mollymolz said:


> Preach it! We're all into our own thing. Some like vanilla, some like a little more.
> 
> Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk


I agree with you....Molly and Keke.

But I love the @Diana7 's of the world. While a good share of the world are having inordinate fun and pleasure, Diana and her Brethren are holding the seams of our civilization together.

A family needs at least one conservative matriarch to keep the rest of her brood in fine order.

A fine wife she be for a fine man. Vanilla will never lose it's comfortable place on my palate.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Just because people like to watch a certain something doesn't mean they want that in real life.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Believe me, we don't have 'vanilla' sex, we just don't bring others into it through porn, and we don't act out violence.
> I have never met a woman who has that fantasy ever. I am sure a few do, but why is that a good thing to be encouraged? I see it as a harmful thing to be starved, not fed and built with porn.
> Just because I don't agree with you, I am not supposed to post? I have seen far too much damage done by porn in peoples lives and marriages, its never a good idea ever.


I think it is more like a horror movie. No one is going to become Freddy Kruger because they watched it. No one sane anyway. It's just in the mind.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

introvert said:


> Fantasies and role play are crazy fun!
> 
> Honestly, I think kinksters have healthier relationships, sometimes. We talk to each other honestly about our wants and desires. We have to trust the other completely in order to divulge such taboo ideas and fantasies, and to trust the other person to respect our limits and needs. This is something I see lacking in so many relationships. People are too afraid to say what they want/need.


I think your probably right. There is also the added benefit of excitement and new experiences while furthering the bond with your partner 

Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

introvert said:


> Fantasies and role play are crazy fun!
> 
> Honestly, I think kinksters have healthier relationships, sometimes. We talk to each other honestly about our wants and desires. We have to trust the other completely in order to divulge such taboo ideas and fantasies, and to trust the other person to respect our limits and needs. This is something I see lacking in so many relationships. People are too afraid to say what they want/need.


I cant agree with this at all. We have a great marriage and great sex life, but we don't use porn and we don't have secrets from each other. We just see sex as something we greatly enjoy but that we see as an expression of love, and bringing any sort of violence into that would be hypocritical to what we see sex as.Plus neither of us want to 'pretend' to rape or to hurt each other. 
I am fortunate to have a husband who has never looked at porn and whose sexual desires and needs make it so easy to love him and please him.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mollymolz said:


> I think your probably right. There is also the added benefit of excitement and new experiences while furthering the bond with your partner
> 
> Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk


You can have great and exciting sex without porn or fetishes or acting out violent rapes, we are proof of that.


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

@Diana7, I don't think that anyone is denying your right to enjoy your sex however you want to. I'm also sure that no-one here is disputing that you are very much enjoying it. But your experience is unique to you. 

Regarding your comment above - would you make the same claim that your experience should speak for all when it comes to food, art or music? We are sensual creatures, each of us wired differently. Can you acknowledge that others can also be enough in tune with their own bodies and fantasies that they might get enjoyment from things that bring you no pleasure? 

I hate liquorice, but love coriander. I hate rap, but love heavy metal. I love poetry but hate ballet. I love having the back of my neck bitten, but hate a tongue anywhere near my ear. I love feeling helpless during sex, but (usually) hate being on top. I love it when my husband calls me on the way home from a business trip and tells me what to wear when I greet him on my knees in our bedroom, but I hate it when I am politely asked for sex (like it was a cup of tea - true story, total turn-off).

My point is that our sex lives with our partners should be safe spaces. (As a side note, the state of my sex life is a very accurate gauge of the health of my marriage. When we play, I know trust and communication are high. When we don't, then things are usually not going well.) I would no more explore a rape fantasy with someone I didn't know loved and cherished me than I would walk drunk through city streets after midnight (or anywhere, anytime for that matter). But feeling the adrenalin rush of being powerless underneath someone who I do know loves and cherishes me? That, like a spicy curry, is something I can very much enjoy every now and then.


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## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> I cant agree with this at all. We have a great marriage and great sex life, but we don't use porn and we don't have secrets from each other. We just see sex as something we greatly enjoy but that we see as an expression of love, and bringing any sort of violence into that would be hypocritical to what we see sex as.Plus neither of us want to 'pretend' to rape or to hurt each other.
> I am fortunate to have a husband who has never looked at porn and whose sexual desires and needs make it so easy to love him and please him.


Jesus, your delusional


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think there is a lot of variation in people's sexual desires. You are happy without fetishes and that is great. Other people enjoy fetishes and that is great too. People are straight, gay, vanilla, kinky, etc etc. 

I see nothing wrong with any couple that enjoys their sex life together as long as what they do is safe and consensual. 




Diana7 said:


> You can have great and exciting sex without porn or fetishes or acting out violent rapes, we are proof of that.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> Just because people like to watch a certain something doesn't mean they want that in real life.


:smile2:

You do not watch "that" which you do not "like".

That is a paradox.

When you like something, you like it. 

If you like some types of porn, you like the interplay, the back and forths, the ins and outs. 

You may not actually do it, but you inwardly would like to. 

Don't hedge, don't tap dance. If you cannot be honest with yourself..who can you be honest with.
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Sometimes I get very angry about certain places in the world that are human waste dumps. The people are ignorant and savage. I would like to nuke those places. Would I do it if I had the chance?

No. But I would "like to".


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## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

SunCMars said:


> :smile2:
> 
> You do not watch "that" which you do not "like".
> 
> ...



give me the Key, I will push the button for you


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> I cant agree with this at all. We have a great marriage and great sex life, but we don't use porn and we don't have secrets from each other. We just see sex as something we greatly enjoy but that we see as an expression of love, and bringing any sort of violence into that would be hypocritical to what we see sex as.Plus neither of us want to 'pretend' to rape or to hurt each other.
> I am fortunate to have a husband who has never looked at porn and whose sexual desires and needs make it so easy to love him and please him.


How do you know that your husband does not play fetish mind movies in his head? As for that matter - if he is good with computers - you will never know what he looks at. But yah, I would say your husband would be quite smart to not let you know either way.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Aspydad said:


> How do you know that your husband does not play fetish mind movies in his head? As for that matter - if he is good with computers - you will never know what he looks at. But yah, I would say your husband would be quite smart to not let you know either way.


I know, we talk a lot about sex. He is stricter than I am about no porn and being faithful etc. He is a rare man who believes in faithfulness and keeping our minds on each other. He loves the sex we have.
We know what each other does on the computer, we have a joint business and work from home. 
There are other men like him believe it or not.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DepressedHusband said:


> Jesus, your delusional


Its interesting that you cant accept that there are many people who have really happy marriages and good sex lives without these things.


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## Itwasjustafantasy (Jan 8, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Its interesting that you cant accept that there are many people like ourselves that have really happy marriages without these things.


 I believe that it is very possible to have a fulfilling and happy marriage with OR without porn. I tend to be a bit skeptical of men who claim they are repulsed by porn or fantasies or do not care for it at all but just because I think that way it does not mean that I cannot accept that it is possible that you and your husband have a very happy marriage. 

I think it is important to keep in mind that every marriage/relationship is unique. If something works for you, fantastic, if it doesn't then don't do it but don't expect everyone to limit themsleves to do only what works for you.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> :smile2:
> 
> You do not watch "that" which you do not "like".
> 
> ...




Listen I use to watch porn. The porn I watched I am incredible embarrassed and ashamed to watch, but for some reason I liked it and it got me off. I would die if my husband ever found out what I watched. As soon as I was finished, I was grossed out at what I was watching, and I felt shame. But I kept going back to it because when I was in the mood I liked it for some reason.

What I fantasize about or what I watched in porn was the complete opposite of what I liked in reality. That's the fun and fantasy about it. 

Here's an example... WATCHING a man be super aggressive (gang bang, face f*cking etc) to a women who is voluntarily doing it is way different than getting ganged banged myself or whatever. There is a HUGE difference. 

What one likes in fantasy land is not what they necessarily like in reality. Plus many people who watch porn know... the stimulus needs to increase the more you watch it. Watching Regular missionary sex with a happy couple doesn't cut it after a while. That's the problem with porn. 

So this guy can't judge his wife based on what she watches on porn. Of course unless it's illegal.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Itwasjustafantasy said:


> I believe that it is very possible to have a fulfilling and happy marriage with OR without porn. I tend to be a bit skeptical of men who claim they are repulsed by porn or fantasies or do not care for it at all but just because I think that way it does not mean that I cannot accept that it is possible that you and your husband have a very happy marriage.
> 
> I think it is important to keep in mind that every marriage/relationship is unique. If something works for you, fantastic, if it doesn't then don't do it but don't expect everyone to limit themsleves to do only what works for you.


I never said repulsed, but people who, knowing the dangers and knowing our human weaknesses, avoid it. Who see it as being unfaithful and bringing others into the marriage. Who see it as disrespectful to their spouses to do it.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

We are hijacking the OPs thread.
@sly8 how do you know she watches gang bang porn? Did she tell you openly or did you find it on her computer snooping?

What alarms me is not the content, but the frequency. Watching porn Multiple times a day is what makes your wife's case abnormal. 

So did she tell you she does this multiple times a day or do you spy on her? Has she came out and talk to you about the gang bang porn? This is important because this is when people want to make the transition from fantasy to reality. Or in some form.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Gang bangs are not an uncommon fantasy that women have. It is the ultimate in being show how desired you are. Around here there is a private club that you can join by paying at the door, where women can be gang banged in a safe environment. They get to chose the men and what can be done to them by each one. The club is just a gang bang club and they get around the law of prostitution by making it club dues and not pay for sex. Husbands bring wives and there is usually 2-3 women for 25 guys. Not all participate. Some watch. To have a dedicated club for gang bangs in a major city shows how popular it is. If they do not have an volunteers, they get porn actresses to fill in the empty slots, pun intended.

I had a girlfriend who constantly needed validation that she was as hot as she was as a high school cheerleader. She did that by having sex with every man she met that would accommodate her. One day she walked into my living room and asked my three best friends to gang bang her, me included of course. They did not want to but she gave us all oral sex and I kicked her out the next day.

In practice, organizing a gang bang is not as easy as it sounds. We think all guys will jump at the chance to have free sex with a good looking woman. The reality is that most guys do not want to be naked and have sex in a group of men. Penis size, body and performance issues all come into play. Most times some of the guys are so nervous that they do not show up and you end up with a three or foursome instead. Some are so nervous that they cannot get an erection or ejaculate too fast. There are also men who think that just because they had sex with your wife that she is automatically their girlfriend and will try to get her to have sex with them alone. You also have to deal with the issue of some becoming upset if they are told that they cannot do this or that sex act that they thought they would be able to do. 

What you see in porn is paid actors. Guys who have done this before. Trying to find these guys via ads is downright dangerous and no matter how you find the guys you will have to deal with all sorts of problems with them. My ex girlfriend had the right idea, there was a group of us four men already there but none of us wanted to gang bang her. That is the reality. So I would not worry unless your wife hangs out with less then classy guys who have done this before. Having all your friends gang bang your wife is a porn thing, not a reality thing as I found out. Plus when you have people you know have sex with your girlfriend or wife, they do not think you are a cool guy, alpha male, have a good or trusting marriage. They think less of you and talk about you behind your back. Also I lost two girlfriends to friends after we had groups sex. When I married my wife I made sure that she was a virgin and did not even have oral sex yet. I kept her away from friends and am no longer trust friend or women 100%. They are good liars and will insist that they were not cheating even if you saw then naked in bed with someone. If that does not work, they cry. If that does not work they blame you for making them cheat.

Perhaps this is why I did not have a monogamous marriage, you think? Despite being careful in my selection of a wife, she turned out to be biseuxal as are the only other two girls in my life since the age of 15. I seem to be a bisexual magnet so I had to worry about cheating with girls as well as guys all of my life. Luckily my wife will not have sex with anyone else unless I take part. She is old fashioned that way.  She is a very conservative woman who does not like to even talk about sex but the things she has done is more than most of those outwardly sexually aggressive woman do. You cannot judge a wife by the cover. 

Unless your wife has no body issues and is comfortable in handling a group of strangers who want to have sex with her, I would not worry. Gang bangs are hard to setup but if a woman meets a group of guys willing to do it after a few drinks, you never know. I was shocked when my wife accepted an invitation to wife swap but she drank too much that night. I went along with it and she hated it so much that she never wanted to have sex with another man again, except me. Girls were a different matter.


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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

I myself am Anti-porn, that being said, if YOU don't mind her watching in general, then the content shouldn't matter. Gang bangs can be pretty savage looking, but maybe that's what she wants ? you to be an ANIMAL. I'm all for respectful loving sex, but damn, some times we just want to be ****ed, hard and dirty. Yah know? My husband was pretty mild once upon a time, now not so much. He though he wouldn't be into kinky stuff and I never seen him.enjoyng it either, but DAMN were we wrong.

For me it's about the alpha-ness of it all. Maybe your wife is looking for something a little more hardcore. I suggest investing in a quality sex swing, those things are amazing. And it may be a more milder way to give her the wildness she's looking for without bringing others into the bedroom (don't cross that line just for her sake, you will never feel right about it after)


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## DonaldDuck666 (Feb 20, 2017)

OP, she's only 24. And you're her only partner? She's still a kid. I'd be shocked if she DIDN'T explore other things. If anything, you should be excited she's trying to figure out what turns her on! Fantasies are NORMAL and HEALTHY. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a fool. I'd be more concerned if she _didn't_ fantasize. I would approach it gently, and even offering to watch stuff with her. Ask her what she likes to watch and don't judge or criticize. DO NOT make her feel bad about it!!! You say she's quiet, so maybe she needs some gentle coaxing out of her shell. Tell her you want to make sure she's satisfied and you're ok (and happy/exited about it) she's exploring her sexuality. Let her know it's ok. Just because she's watching GB clips doesn't mean you're bound to come home to the FedEx crew nailing her one day. 

There are so many kinks and genres of porn, that even some of the crazier ones can turn a person on. Hell, I won't even admit some of the stuff I'm sort of fascinated to watch here, but would be horrified if my wife did something like what I see sometimes. 

The huge risk people take when getting married so young is that they don't even know who they are yet, what they like, what they ultimately want, etc. In your case, you could unleash a sexual beast - or make her repress her feelings and pay for it later on down the line. Foster the first option. You may have a freak on your hands. You just don't know it.  Good luck!!


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## DonaldDuck666 (Feb 20, 2017)

Mollymolz said:


> I think it's important not to shame people's serial preferences. As long as all parties involved are willing, consenting, adults then they should be able to play how they see fit. Who are we to judge? Sexual acts that some love make others uncomfortable. It does not make them wrong. It's like music. We all have our own tastes.
> 
> Sent from my E6653 using Tapatalk


The ones shaming are usually a) guilty of said behavior and/or b) have serious and unhealthy sexual issues.


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## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> Its interesting that you cant accept that there are many people who have really happy marriages and good sex lives without these things.


No, it is your blue pill attitude toward reality that I find delusional.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> You can have great and exciting sex without porn or fetishes or acting out violent rapes, we are proof of that.


OMG, I read this post and asked myself what type of "proof" would be needed here to convince everyone!

OK @Diana7 what becomes a fluid at 76ºF?


PS: OMG, I was going to help you cheat and PM you the answer but you don't except PMs! So here is an awkward hint: Some people use it to brush their teeth!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

badsanta said:


> OMG, I read this post and asked myself what type of "proof" would be needed here to convince everyone!
> 
> OK @Diana7 what becomes a fluid at 76ºF?
> 
> ...


I know, I know (jumping up and down with raised hand)!!! Ice cream. No?:frown2:

How about coconut oil?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DonaldDuck666 said:


> The ones shaming are usually a) guilty of said behavior and/or b) have serious and unhealthy sexual issues.


 Not so.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DepressedHusband said:


> No, it is your blue pill attitude toward reality that I find delusional.


Just because things happen doesn't make them beneficial.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

badsanta said:


> OMG, I read this post and asked myself what type of "proof" would be needed here to convince everyone!
> 
> OK @Diana7 what becomes a fluid at 76ºF?
> 
> ...


Dont I?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Not so.


I like your responses.

Don't let them get your goat. This forum is for everybody. Conservative and "Other".


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> I like your responses.
> 
> Don't let them get your goat. This forum is for everybody. Conservative and "Other".


Thank you, I appreciate your support. 
Its not always easy going against the flow. Although I don't consider us conservative, just faithful, we just don't bring others into our sex life. I think its very sad that people don't realise what a good sex life they can have without porn, fetishes etc. Its so special. 

Sex and sexuality has been so skewed from what it should be.:frown2:


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

I'm conscious that I'm hijacking the OP's thread here, but I also think that this dialogue should be useful for him.

Diana, I think that what people are responding to so negatively (whether you intend it or not) is that it feels like you are judging everyone who doesn't hold the same position as you. That people who enjoy "these things" are somehow dirty or perverted. You need to realise that this often about an experience that they share with their spouse that brings them both great pleasure and intimacy, not something done furtively in a back alley somewhere. That said, like @SunCMars, I believe that every voice has the right to be heard. And I believe that all disagreements should be respectful.

As I said earlier in this thread, people are wired differently. And that I do believe that very strongly. A few years ago, I ran into an alternative marriage lifestyle choice defined as "Taken in Hand", which interestingly, I found via a mainstream Christian forum. The rabid feminist in me who has slumbered since my 'varsity days awoke and prowled about growling within me on reading about it. But I was fascinated by how some of it appealed to me at a very basic, sexual level. It made no intellectual sense. Unpacking my response with my husband's help made a huge difference to my sex life. It was good before, but became far more afterwards. 

I can appreciate that porn and particularly "gang bang porn" are anathema to someone who is wired the way that you and your husband clearly are; and who has the beliefs that you clearly share. But I don't think that it is helpful to tell the OP that he should shine the light of shame on his wife for how she is choosing to deal with the stresses of being a new mother. In fact, I think that it could be hugely detrimental to any of their further intimacy should he choose to approach it this way. I also believe very strongly that encouraging him to use the current situation as a platform for intimate and honest dialogue could be incredibly sexually rewarding for both of them.

Personally I feel that communication is the most powerful marital aid there is. And that shame and fear of being judged are the greatest barrier to a fulfilling sex life. Some couples are lucky enough to achieve really good sexual chemistry almost immediately and some are not. Most of us, I suspect, lie somewhere in between. For me, whenever I have found the courage to be more honest with my husband about what really makes me feel desired, loved and cherished, the rewards have been great. And vice versa.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Thank you, I appreciate your support.
> *Its not always easy going against the flow.* Although I don't consider us conservative, just faithful, we just don't bring others into our sex life. I think its very sad that people don't realise what a good sex life they can have without porn, fetishes etc. Its so special.
> 
> Sex and sexuality has been so *skewed from what it should be.*:frown2:


*Going against the flow? *

That is my Modus-Operande. Run uphill....both ways. Swim against the tide for strength. Go with the anonymous flow when resting for the night.

Want to go with the flow? Find the flow that matches your rhythm, the direction that makes sense to you. The direction that stands for, 'Your Honor'. 

Never swim when powered by your bitter bow-thruster......you will only go in circles. 
............................................................................................................................................................................................................

*As it should be*

Here's the rub..OP and Diana. Go ahead and fight promiscuity. It has been around since the beginning of time. Sodom and Gomorrah were smote by God. 
Today? Copenhagen and Las Vegas flourish. Why? People like this way of living. They do.

If you keep fighting the trend, what is the result,?
You two will continually be given a backed handed rub, at the hands of.... a ticked off Yeti crowd. What "it" should be....is what it "Is". 

Unless Ye be Empress or Emperor, you go with the flow or be drowned by the undertow. Silenced by the underhanded, sometimes open-handed 'greater number' of mankind. 

It is by consensus of the Majority and in accordance with whatever Law is presently in effect.

No, not according to Scripture or the Greek Philosophers. There are certainly "Eternal Laws", laws immutable to the passage of time or to the whims of clay men. But these do not show up on your internet News feeds or in any public School Curriculum. 

Don't tllt at Windmills.
Unless Ye be the Dark Moor.

By the Dark Moor:

Searching the glory
In a territory
Whose name I don't recall;
You fight for rightness,
For honour's brightness
As you were mad at all.

Tilt at windmills,
As you were mad at all.

Tilt at windmills,
Enter with them in brawl.

You must protect
The flame which burns in your chest.
You can elect
The purest cause from the rest.
You must defend
Innocence which never kneels.
You can amend
This sane world with your ideals.

Tilt at windmills, come on!
Never fall back, go on!
Tilt at windmills, come on!
Never fall back, always on!

Fighting the evil
In a medieval
World created by your mind;
A knight who is guiding
The men who are hiding
That they, as well, are blind.

You must protect
The flame which burns in your chest.
You can elect
The purest cause from the rest.
You must defend
Innocence which never kneels.
You can amend
This sane world with your ideals.

Tilt at windmills, come on!
Never fall back, go on!
Tilt at windmills, come on!
Never fall back, always on!

You must defend
Innocence which never kneels.
You can amend
This sane world with your ideals.

Tilt at windmills, come on!
Never fall back, go on!
Tilt at windmills, come on!
Never fall back, always on!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

If I found out my wife was watching gang bang porn, I honestly don't think it would bother me in the slightest.

I agree with the others in this thread who say that what one watches, porn-wise, does not mean they would actually partake in it IRL.

Whether it's right or it's wrong, porn is often a way of exploring, of seeing what else is out there, of seeing the many different ways in which people express their sexuality. It's also an escape.

If OP's wife is watching gang bang porn, that is not at all indicative of her true desires - it's just that it turns her on. It's different, and there's an element of taboo to it.

As for why she watches it several times a day, I wouldn't worry too too much about that, either. Given her current circumstances of being at home all day with a young child, I can kind of understand where her mind is at. I was once unemployed for about 6 months a long time ago (had quit a good job to move across the country, moved back within a few months. Good thing we had a lot of savings to tide us over. Anyway.) Basically, my brain somewhat went to jello, and for that period of time, I had no real sense of purpose, other than job hunting.

Doing something out of the ordinary is almost like an escape for her, I imagine. Doing something that is "unmotherly" and a little out of her norm is creating a little excitement and/or routine in her day-to-day life.

Moreover, it's likely a way of her to break free of that "so this is my life now" mental space she's probably in. She has no one to talk to, nobody to really socialize with, and all her days are probably pretty much exactly the same. So she escapes, sometimes several times a day, in a safe way. In a way that makes her feel, rightly or wrongly, like she's a little on the edge.

For me, when I had that six months of hell, I started out just fine. By about month 3 or 4, I was stir-crazy. I got almost fixated on two things - showering and masturbating. I'd shower 2 or 3 times a day, and masturbate at least as much. Both things just allowed me to relax and escape for short periods of time. I obviously didn't need to shower that often, and as for masturbation, it wasn't about me being excited or turned on by anything. Both things just became these weird habits that had no effect other than to break up the day and give me purpose, as small as it was.

(FYI, we were living in rental homes at the time, so I couldn't spend my days renovating or painting or otherwise keeping busy that way. And the only vehicle we had at that time, my ex wife used for work. Not to get to work, she used it FOR work, so I couldn't drive her in and have a vehicle to run errands etc with. There was truly nothing I could do with my days during that time, other than job hunt... Ugh, worst period of my life by far.)


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## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

If I see a woman watching gang bang porn, it tells me that she is trying to fill a need for submission and domination. 


Not that I am judging, I have had a bordering D/s Marriages for 20 yrs.


alexm said:


> If I found out my wife was watching gang bang porn, I honestly don't think it would bother me in the slightest.
> 
> I agree with the others in this thread who say that what one watches, porn-wise, does not mean they would actually partake in it IRL.
> 
> ...


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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Thank you, I appreciate your support.
> Its not always easy going against the flow. Although I don't consider us conservative, just faithful, we just don't bring others into our sex life. I think its very sad that people don't realise what a good sex life they can have without porn, fetishes etc. Its so special.
> 
> Sex and sexuality has been so skewed from what it should be.:frown2:


Sex SHOULD be whatever makes a loving couple happy together.

What makes intimacy special for 2 people owes no explanations to anyone. 

Your "norm" is exactly that, YOURS. No one else's. 

"what it should be" is subject to the perceptions of those who are in it.


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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I know, we talk a lot about sex. He is stricter than I am about no porn and being faithful etc. He is a rare man who believes in faithfulness and keeping our minds on each other. He loves the sex we have.
> We know what each other does on the computer, we have a joint business and work from home.
> There are other men like him believe it or not.


Your right. My man is as described as above. 

We talk alot about sex, we ate faithful, we keep our minds on each other, we love the sex we have, we have joint bank accounts, and have free access to all of each other accounts (social media, email, phones, etc,) 

See just like your man. 

With the lovely addition of an assortment of bondage gear, ball gags, and collars. 

Sexual preference does not make the man. The love and respect of his wife does. Even if he shows it through a thorough spanking. 

Saibasu.


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