# I thought I was over it.....now rethinking....



## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

I guess the first sign I wasn't doing well was me coming back to sight this sight frequently again. Sometimes I think this site is the only way I made it through the months following my seperation! 

Alas, here I am again. Divorced a year and a half, nearly three years since the day he walked in with the "I'm not happy" line (that should have been "I'm screwing every chic that will screw me" line)......and still having good days and bad days. Good hours and bad hours. I have been to counsling, I have dated, I have had boyfriends. None of it seems to have mattered or helped. I push away every man that I start to get close to. Why? I don't know....scared maybe? That must be it. I don't really have trust issues....well I guess I do, but they are with myself....more self esteem issues I guess. Feelings that there will never be a man who will really love me and stand by me. Feelings of not trusting my own judgement....like I should have known not to let myself fall so deeply for my ex-husband. I was disposable to him. He has moved on. He doesn't think about me or what we had and lost. But I do. Way too often. A song, a picture, a smell, a memory....will set it off. 

I loved deeply....I have been hurt deeply. I wonder if I will ever recover from it? Maybe it is the time of year that is so difficult for me. This is when he was having his affairs, although I didn't know for another two months. My birthday is coming up....he saw another woman the day he shopped for my gifts that year, maybe even shopped with her. Ugh....this is torture....sometimes I wish I was a drinker...drown out the memories...but I would be an alcoholic for sure!


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

I guess my post was more of a vent than anything....but feel free to comment or comiserate! 

Anyone on here reading this really truly heal and get over it?


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

I would love to share an awesome technique or something to help but I can't  . But what I can say is that you shouldn't feel bad you should feel glad to know what it feels like to love (I know sappy right?) but my H and I are/were thisclose to separating and I just cried and cried couldn't eat or sleep. But I wasn't the one out to ruin anything and it made me feel slightly better. Much better days are ahead of you. I send hugs your way!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

What's up with that random smiley face after almost every emoticon on this site?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

raising: Read stbxh post, a lot of hope and completion there. We all will make it in time. Some sooner than others. I found myself obsessing and that's not healthy so I stopped researching because that was causing my fixation.

I am a month out of the house (it finally sold), I have gone NC for 32 days now, I did not reply to any of ex's vm, email or texts. Two days ago was a great day! I hadn't been feeling that happy since the start of my marriage 9 yrs ago. If that is any indication of what is in store for me I am excited: it felt deliciously free and happy. I can't wait.

Time: that four letter word that I have such difficulty with. Yes, it takes time to get out of the black hole of a broken heart, heal, get in touch with one's self again and move on.

I started a new career and when I am in school or studying or have done well on an exam that is the true new life. None of my marriage was real, it was all fake. I was used for my strength and empathy and thrown away. That is the truth. My brain knows this but my heart (poor sap) is soooo slow in acknowledging. Time.

Best wishes and love yourself and others. You will trust again. We have built in forgetters (Thank God).


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

It's all so frustrating to me. I did the obsessing thing....I did all crying and not eating....I did the rebound boyfriend lol....I did the I'm fine single thing....I thought I did all the stages and that things were evening out. But it all rushes back so quickly at times. I guess I just simply am not over it and need the elusive thing called time. This summer I dealt with too much time on my hands while my boys were all visiting there dad and grandma. Now school is back in and I have no time for anything! Time....it's the heal all and the enemy! lol 

Just gotta keep going....one step at a time. There is a bright future ahead....I know that...my boys and hope for the future is really all that keeps me going. I am in school...a freshman working towards an engineering degree. Brighter days are ahead. Lonliness......that is the hard part for me. Always surrounded by my boys, and alone in every other way. But I'm ok. I told myself a long time ago that I would always be ok....thus I always am.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Riaising, I am sorry to hear that after 3 years you still feel stuck.
You really need to change your way of thinking. Don't focus on the good. Focus on what an a$$hole he was to you. He was not a kind man. He was a loser and a cheat and abandoned you.

You deserve better.

The heart takes time to heal especially after being broken but you can and will get there.


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