# child support



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

If my child support order and divorce agreement does not specify that I have to split extra activities like sports am I required to pay for that above and beyond my child support. What do others do?
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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> If my child support order and divorce agreement does not specify that I have to split extra activities like sports am I required to pay for that above and beyond my child support. What do others do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope. You are not required. If your ex got those kids into the sports programs, then she needs to pay for them.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hmmm. Around here, "exceptional" expenses (above and beyond usual costs) are split based on incomes. Including child and spousal support. And it must be covered in the agreements, otherwise the courts won't sign off on the agreements. 

Keep in mind that if your ex thinks you're being unreasonable, you might end up being dragged back into court. The only people who win that are the lawyers. So before shutting ideas down, consider it. I'm not saying you should just cough up for things, but you should consider the situation and request. And maybe even talk to your lawyer. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

You are only legally obligated to pay those obligations in the order.

Was the order the result of litigated trial, or the result of an agreement?


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## Goofball (Mar 24, 2013)

My ex is not required to pay any extracurricular activities and chooses not to help, of course he chooses not to pay child support as well. I have my kids in sports and activities because they love them, I will work extra shifts to pay for those things since it shouldn't be about what you are "legally" responsible for, but more so, in the best interests of the kids....


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Goofball I commend you for that. I have not missed a payment and also provide for what they need at my house. My issue is the ex thinking I'm an ATM she can use whenever. I pay 800.00 a month


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## Goofball (Mar 24, 2013)

I've been on both sides of the fence as far as child support, when I was married, we paid child support and also helped out with extras when it was possible, so I'm able to see both sides fairly clearly  at this point I'd love to receive a surprise extra $100 some month I'd feel like I hit the lottery.


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## daddymikey1975 (Apr 18, 2009)

Maybe offer to split the extras. That's what my ex and I do.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Here's how you have to look at it. Is it for your ex or your child? Your child isn't going to understand the $800 a month, you give in child support, should be used to pay for the extras. What the child will remember is "mommy said daddy wouldn't help."


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## Durnik (Aug 26, 2014)

No, that's emotional blackmail, and will result in paying everything.

The questions I ask myself are along the lines of "Do I want to support my child doing this?" "Was I consulted?" "How big of a drain will it be on my time and energy?" And, of course, the biggest one of all - "Can I afford it?" She can call me selfish all she wants - I'm buying groceries before paying extracurriculars!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Durnik said:


> No, that's emotional blackmail, and will result in paying everything.
> 
> The questions I ask myself are along the lines of "Do I want to support my child doing this?" "Was I consulted?" "How big of a drain will it be on my time and energy?" And, of course, the biggest one of all - "Can I afford it?" She can call me selfish all she wants - I'm buying groceries before paying extracurriculars!


:iagree: It's reasonable that you and your ex split, according to % of income, expenses for extras and medical care that you both agree on.

However, she should not be making unilateral decisions on what the children will do and then stick you for the cost of something you did not agree to.

If you want to make this point with her. Tell her that you are signing the kids up for some expensive activity and she has to pay her share of it. .. watch the light go off in her head.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I'm finally standing up for myself and saying no to every single request she makes. I will split medical costs as well. the problem is she over spends on things for kids. She wants them to have the best if everything so she can show off. She spent 50,00 on a backpack for our 8 year old daughter when a 20.00 will do.

The kids don't suffer but they have to see that they won't be able to do everything every time....that's what their mother wants. It comes down that since I'm not splitting those costs she can't pamper herself anymore.

We'll I deserve to have a life with my kids when they are with me as well. She threatens to take me back....I told her fine because I also think from what I've been reading I've been iverpsying on support.

I'm finally learning how to say no


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

My ex does pay for half their activities cost, but he is also consulted. They both choose one activity (the price is the same) and we each pay for one child. 

He didn't initially pay for any extracurricular activities, but I decided I would find a way to swing it. Then he got mad that he wasn't notified when my youngest started earning new belts in Kung Fu. When he asked I told him that he didn't want to pay for half, I am not obligated to keep him in the loop for things I am paying for them to do. 

Suddenly he decided that maybe he should. I am all for standing your ground, but I also don't know your situation well enough to say whether you are being reasonable or not. My ex pays about $1700 a month in CS/SS and still covers half the kids extras.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I'm afraid that once I take thus stand with the ex that she will not help pay for the out of pocket medical expenses. The divorce agreement stipulated that the kids be on my insurance but made no mention as to how the deductibles are to be split. In my eyes this expense takes precedence over the extra curricular activities like sports etc.

Anyone go thru thus?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Out of pocket medical expenses are outlined in our support order along with the fact I absorb the first $250 annually and the remainder are split based on our income percentages.

Support includes extracurricular activities - UNLESS it's agreed upon by both of you that it's extra and added to the calculation. In my state there is an extra line for other extraordinary expense like private school or other such lessons that might be extra expensive and not covered by normal child support. For instance, a child who is exceptionally gifted in tennis may have a personal coach there may be dues for the child to belong to a country club or sports center to practice. That would be something agreed to by both parents and the cost would be included in the support calculation. But if Lil Johnny wants to play baseball for his middle school and needs a new glove or a team uniform, that comes out of child support.

As to the bookbag - sometimes those types of expense make sense. My kid will destroy a $20-$30 book bag every year. But the $75 bag she has right now she can carry for at least two years because it ended last year intact - might even make it 3 years. But at that age, tastes change and they may like Super Man this year and prefer a solid color next year. But regardless, that comes out of support. So if she'd rather buy the kids expensive bookbags, she might have to go with cheaper shoes, etc. as the pool of money for all things kid-related is finite.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> I'm afraid that once I take thus stand with the ex that she will not help pay for the out of pocket medical expenses. The divorce agreement stipulated that the kids be on my insurance but made no mention as to how the deductibles are to be split. In my eyes this expense takes precedence over the extra curricular activities like sports etc.
> 
> Anyone go thru thus?


Do they have extraordinary medical expenses? I mean, how expensive can that be? Annual checkups are usually covered 100% and that leaves the random illness or accident.


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## Boottothehead (Sep 3, 2013)

We pay child support over and above the calculated amount. That is supposed to offset some of the extracurricular activities. However, every year, my husband's ex comes up with some reason why the kiddo's activities are not included in the child support amount.
In addition, she never furnishes us with the explanation of benefits statements for healthcare pertaining to the kiddo. She randomly sends a spreadsheet with dollar amounts she says we owe, and then expects us to pony up, no questions asked. Per the parenting agreement, she is supposed to give us the EOB in 30 days, but that has never happened. I'm flat out refusing to pay any expenses without proper documentation anymore.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Usually only medical expenses are considered beyond child support, along with daycare, as per like summer camps and babysitting.

I know some posters here are trying to guilt you into "Well, golly gee, little Junior wants to be in soccer. Why not just be nice and pony up?" And if you have the money, by all means.

But I know from first hand experience, these events are not cheap and can run $2000-3000/year. Think about that. Average salary is 50K in this country and this commands 6% of the before tax budget???

Really???

You are already supporting 1.2-1.35 households by virtue of being the payer of child support. At some point, the mother (assuming you are the father) has to realize divorce causes loss to children, a sad reality.

They may not get to play soccer and may not get to go to Disney.

And they may even be okay without it.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

I totally agree with the fore mentioned.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Although my ex has complained on occasion about support, I did settle for $50 less per month than the calculated amount and he has gotten his money's worth. He doesn't pay for anything except his vacations/meals with her or birthday/Christmas presents and his percentage of uncovered medical stuff. I scan/email the EOB, invoice and proof that the bill has already been paid and he reimburses me within 30 days if he actually reads his emails.

In fact, it's probably best, given the way he handles money, that I pay for everything.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

My ex will occasionally register my son in an activity without discussing it with me first. She knows I'm a really easy sell, and that its easier to ask forgiveness than permission. Each time this happens I remind her that I need to be consulted first or I will withhold payment for those extras, however so far there are not any expenses she is trying to claim from me that I didn't think was worth it - so mostly my reminders are just to set up a paper trail in case I do have to refuse to pay at some point in the future. There have also been a few activities she has signed him up for which I was never even informed about, and which she never asked me for help paying. I am fortunate that we have reasonable expectations of each other in this regard, especially since I pay 2/3's of all these extras, and she only pays the remaining 1/3.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> I'm afraid that once I take thus stand with the ex that she will not help pay for the out of pocket medical expenses. The divorce agreement stipulated that the kids be on my insurance but made no mention as to how the deductibles are to be split. In my eyes this expense takes precedence over the extra curricular activities like sports etc.
> 
> Anyone go thru thus?


OUr decree kept the kids on my insurance. I have a $3000 deductible, which is not by choice, its just what my employer has. Between two concussions, two sprained ankles, one dog attack, a ruptured ear drum, and the flue, I have gone over the deductible two years in a row, with no help from the ex. I absolutely agree meds should and probably do take precedence over extra curriculars.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Agreed. Needs over wants. Medical stuff are needs. Extracurriculars are just that - EXTRA.


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