# selfish caveman sex



## Sama (May 13, 2013)

I have been married for 4 years and been together for 9. My husband loves me and I love him but he really falls short in bed.
He is like a caveman straight in and out. Any foreplay or touching is done by me although he does initiate that he wants sex then he just lies there like a sloth. Even if he tried I would be grateful its the lack of effort that I cant work out. Ive explained to him before that he needs to touch my breasts and touch me intimitely so i can get wet and ready. Once when he was drunk he went down on me which was really great although he said its not his thing. But hes always ready to recieve good head from me which i dont mind giving but would be happier if there was some return. Are there others out there who think a woman is just there to serve? Any suggestions i give him seem to fall on deaf ears and next time we have sex he just lies there again like a sloth till i lift his hand and plonk it on my breast and say move it.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Actually, I believe that we should be serving each other (see my signature). One of my greatest joys is giving my wife sexual pleasure. I would give her oral as often as she wanted it.

Suggestions? Hard to say. Maybe try reading a book together like "His Needs, Her Needs" or "The Guide To Getting It On". Another great one is "Your Long Erotic Weekend".


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## LVF (May 5, 2013)

> Are there others out there who think a woman is just there to serve?


Mine. And since he found out a nice lube, foreplay is even shorter. Basically coming to kiss me, left hand on the mattress, right hand holding the lube: "take it, put it on" -_- If it didn't hurt so much without it, I would have thrown it away long ago!


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

All I could think of was the song, "Alley Oop". I've adapted the lyrics for your particular situation... 

(Oop-oop, oop, oop-oop)
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)

There's a man in the funny papers we all know
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
He lived 'way back a long time ago
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
He won't eat his honey but he'll use the goop
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
Well, this cat's name is-a Alley Oop
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)

(Alley Oop) He's the stiffest guy there is alive
(Alley Oop) Wearin' clothes from a wildcat's hide
(Alley Oop) He's the king of the three minute ride
(Look at that cave man go!!) (SCREAM)

(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
He got a bed that is seven feet long
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
And he can lay there if he has to all night long
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
He's got a wife who will please him but he doesn't care
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
But she's a tiger so he better beware
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)

(Alley Oop) He's the stiffest man there is alive
(Alley Oop) Wearin' clothes from a wildcat's hide
(Alley Oop) He's the king of the three minute ride
(Look at that cave man go!!) (SCREAM)

(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
He rides in the evening, but wont bend his knees
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
His time with his honey is such a breeze
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
She don't bug him cause she's not wetter
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
Caus in five minute tops he'll be feeling better
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)

(Alley Oop) He's the stiffest man there is alive
(Alley Oop) Wearin' clothes from a wildcat's hide
(Alley Oop) He's really the three minute ride
(Look at that cave man go!!) (SCREAM)

There he goes
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
Look at that cave man go
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
Ride, Daddy, ride
(Alley Oop, oop, oop, oop-oop)
Hi-yo dinosaur


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

I couldn't help myself . By the way, OP, take the advice of the other posters... all good!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I feel for you.

This is not the norm. If my wifee gives me a BJ, I always offer to give her oral to orgasm. I even bought her a small discrete vibrator.

She knows what I like, so I always ask her, what do you like? I recently found out, she loves it when I suck, lick and bite her nipples. I would say she has nipple orgasms, she loves it so much. Now I need to find out her other buttons.....

If she gives me a massage, I give her a massage.

Sometimes all I need is sex because I'm HD and she only needs cuddling, closeness but no sex, she is LD.

Women are not here to serve their men. Its a 50 / 50 effort on both sides, at least it should be.

You need a serious talk with him and tell him what you need sexually, your desires, wants, fantasies, fetishes, etc. and he as your loving husband should be doing them.

Maybe he's just comfy in the relationship and needs a strong reminder?

Even cavemen should be attentive to their wives needs.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LVF said:


> Mine. And since he found out a nice lube, foreplay is even shorter. Basically coming to kiss me, left hand on the mattress, right hand holding the lube: "take it, put it on" -_- If it didn't hurt so much without it, I would have thrown it away long ago!


I would refuse sex if he expected lube to be used instead of us both enjoying foreplay.

Since oral on you is not his thing. Then you really need to let him know that you giving oral to him is not your thing either ... until he learns how to be a giving/loving lover.

Your husband does not engage in caveman sex. He engages in selfish sex. 

We teach people how to treat us. You have taught your husband that it's ok for him to completely ignore your sexual needs. It's time to change the lesson plan.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Here's a good book for you and your husband:

Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm, Nicole Daedone - a recipe for reconnecting emotionally and physically.

I also suggest that the two of you find some erotic porn or sex training videos so that the two of you learn about how to please each other for sex.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

:scratchhead:

He sounds rather lazy and impatient, hell foreplay doesn't even have to take long at all, didn't take much for STBX. Then again... she was horny all the damn time =/

Anyways, what's his reply when you explain to him how your body works?


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

Im sro sick of just giving! I feel for you!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Your husband doesn't understand the first thing about women or being a good husband. He is going to need INTENSIVE help!

First, you need to make it very clear that you are not having orgasms. Feeling good because you are aroused is NOT an orgasm. Feeling aroused will not, by itself, produce and orgasm. Feeling aroused is the foundation to make an orgasm happen, but that won't happen unless you are touched.

Second, he needs to hear from you that unless he puts effort into making sex as pleasurable for you as it is for him, he should grow comfortable with his right hand! No quickies, now BJ's, no Hand jobs. If he can't make you feel sexual pleasure by giving you what you need, each and every time you guys have sex, then he should not approach you for sex. PERIOD!

When a man doesn't take care of his wife's sexual pleasure, when he doesn't even try, or it seems like he's not trying, he is sending the message that he is horny and you are the available orifice. No Thank YOU!

When you approach him for sex, and he just lays there and lets you pleasure him, but makes no move to give you pleasure, get up and leave the room. 

Google: sexual or arousal women, tips to excite my wife, how to give orgasm woman... Pick the links the tickle your girlie parts and send them to your husband.

WARNING!!!! DONT ALLOW THIS TO CONTINUE!!!


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## Sama (May 13, 2013)

Thankyou to all those comforting replies:smthumbup:

Romantic guy i wish my husband was more like you more of a giver your wife is very lucky and I like your quote a lot - its bang on.

I feel for you LvF I really do :scratchhead:

as for EYUOP you are a hard case i just adore your delightful song and I might try and sing it while in bed - theres not much to do Alley OOP OOP hehe very clever:lol:


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## Sama (May 13, 2013)

Thankyou cuddle bug another husband whose wife is very lucky.-I agree the cavemen does need to be more attentive (ironically he is a deer hunter) It makes me not look forward to six id rather watch tv. Ive got a great imagination and have run into the bedroom before dressed as a deer with antlers he giggled but not much else.

Ele Girl- once i lay there and didnt give him oral when he wanted it i said i had a sore throat- we just lay there- I really thought all men liked to lavish a woman and enjoy her body and i have enjoyed with a couple of previous partners- I will check out the book and the video - thankyou for your advice - im hoping to turn this dud into a stud :smthumbup:


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## clarabarton (Aug 23, 2012)

Sama, I haven't posted on here in ages, haven't even been here much, but I had to say, I understand completely. You described my husband! Like someone else said above, I believe he (mine too) is SELFISH. I also believe mine is lazy like was said above. Also, you said you have to plop his hand on your breast (the visual made me laugh), but I have tried to be just as "not so subtle" with my husband and he just basically gives it a squeeze or two, which does nothing but actually is annoying. Like a husband mentioned about his wife above, I also get very excited when my breasts are stroked, licked, sucked, drives me wild!! Hubby knows it, too, but still nothing. Sometimes I will even tell him to "suck me," but nope, nothing, or maybe a quick lick and then that's it. I have about given up hope. It is to the point where I don't even want to try anymore. WHY should we pleasure THEM? when they don't want to pleasure US? Makes no sense. Many years ago, he would take his time with me....

So glad to know it is not just me!


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## Sama (May 13, 2013)

Random Dude -When ive explained how a womans body works he listens but doesnt seem to take it on board unless i put his hand where i want it and say stroke me or caress me nothing happens and its definately all forgotten the next time theres sex

Thank you Anon Pink - I have never had an orgasm with him and as you correctly say thats not going to happen without arrousal which i definately dont get. It really not much to look forward knowing its gonna be unenjoyable again. He just doesnt have any natural ability which i havent come across before - the least he could do is try. It perplexes me as i dont wanna keep feeling sore everytime i have sex. I will try getting up and leaving the room if he just lays there as even a caveman has gotta understand that. I dont feel hes a bad man he just lacks awareness - he gets horney for himself then wants his needs fulfilled. But I just know things could be so much better if we both had our needs fufilled and enjoyed it.


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## Sama (May 13, 2013)

clarabarton in a strange way its comforting to know you are out there and that my husband isnt the only one of his species. Not that its fun for you having an unattentive man I really feel for you it sounds like you have tried. The one glimpse of hope i got in your letter is that you said 'many years ago he would take his time with me" there is hope if he used to have some idea of what to do and i really hope you both get it back by some miracle. My caveman has never been attentive - i guess when we got married i thought he would improve but it wasnt to be. Once he said to me am i the best you have had? and he was serious - I really does seem to think thrusting himself inside me fufils both our needs:scratchhead:


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

He knows exactly what he is doing. Playing dumb. 

Next time you cook dinner put a frozen piece of meat on his plate, a raw potato and uncooked corn. Act like you don't understand why it would matter. Pretend you don't know how the stove works. 

It is no different from what he is doing to you.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Does he by chance use a lot of porn? One of the big themes in a lot of porn is that men take a lot and give nothing, and the woman still screams at the top of her lungs. Many men are able to understand that this has no place in reality but there are those that aren't. Is your hb one of those?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> He knows exactly what he is doing. Playing dumb.
> 
> Next time you cook dinner put a frozen piece of meat on his plate, a raw potato and uncooked corn. Act like you don't understand why it would matter. Pretend you don't know how the stove works.
> 
> It is no different from what he is doing to you.


Totally LOVE this idea!:smthumbup:


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Ok...I know I posted already, but I just don't get it. I just don't understand any man who would not be turned on by seeing their wife moan in orgasm. I mean...wow! In fact, there are times when my wife is too tired and says, "you go ahead tonight." It is hard for me to do that. Unless I am really horny it takes her getting off to get me off. 

Right now, because of complications from a hysterectomy, she has pain during orgasm. This makes her afraid to orgasm. It is really hard for me to just go ahead without her.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> He knows exactly what he is doing. Playing dumb.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## clarabarton (Aug 23, 2012)

Thanks Sama, in a strange way you get used to it after a while I think. I understand what everyone is saying about just not giving him the satisfaction, but when it comes naturally to me to want to be the giver (and I don't mean just sexually, I mean in all aspects of my life and with other people too), it is hard to just roll over or put a frozen dinner on the table--though I love that idea! Maybe you are the same way. I sometimes wonder what it would be like in more of a 50/50 relationship with each giving their fair share.


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## Sama (May 13, 2013)

lol yes ironically when i first read your thread wiserforit i was already cooking sausages and potatoes for tea - i like your idea and think it would be funny in a movie script :smthumbup:

Hi Lifetooshort he has a couple of porn mags but nothing major i kind of dont really think the female form gets him off much. I can see that with guys who watch a lot of porn they could get the idea that the woman is just happy to serve - although in some of those old 80's porn movies i remember the men looked most generous 

Romantic guy - I hope your wife feels better soon she is so lucky to have a guy like you who is an all round sensitive type


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## Sama (May 13, 2013)

Yes for sure Clarabarton it would be nice to have a men who looked out for us first now and again. I'm a giver also and get enjoyment seeing others happy and helping them. There comes a point though when you start to feel used and resentful - even givers like us have feelings and needs - our tanks need replenishing now and again.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Sama said:


> Yes for sure Clarabarton it would be nice to have a men who looked out for us first now and again. I'm a giver also and get enjoyment seeing others happy and helping them. There comes a point though when you start to feel used and resentful - even givers like us have feelings and needs - our tanks need replenishing now and again.


If economies of scale dictate your giving for the act of giving, why not consider not giving to those who are only taking from you and give to yourself?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

romantic_guy said:


> Ok...I know I posted already, but I just don't get it. *I just don't understand any man who would not be turned on by seeing their wife moan in orgasm. * I mean...wow! In fact, there are times when my wife is too tired and says, "you go ahead tonight." It is hard for me to do that. Unless I am really horny it takes her getting off to get me off.
> 
> Right now, because of complications from a hysterectomy, she has pain during orgasm. This makes her afraid to orgasm. It is really hard for me to just go ahead without her.


That's because you are not a caveman. 

You see, a caveman actually thinks that what he does with his woman *should* turn her on, and if it doesn't, she must be frigid. It's her fault, not his. Any discussions to the contrary is an affront to his ego, and results in "attitude" instead of correction. He is the caveman. She is merely the receptacle. Whatever he does (or doesn't do) should please his woman, and if it doesn't, that's her problem. Until (naturally) she begins to find reasons not to engage. Then, it's still her fault. She has a LD.

You see, I recognize my stbxh in this thread. It was all about him. He controlled our sex life. When he wanted some, I had to be ready. Even when he was mean and cruel to me with his temper, I had to be ready for him. However, whenever I was in the mood, I had to wait on him to be ready too. He was in charge. 

Now that we are getting divorced, I look back at what it was like and will never tolerate such behavior in the future. My needs, and any future partner's, will be met equally. And I find that I was never LD at all - my drive was simply set aside to please a caveman. Never Again.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

survivorwife said:


> That's because you are not a caveman.
> 
> You see, a caveman actually thinks that what he does with his woman *should* turn her on, and if it doesn't, she must be frigid. It's her fault, not his. Any discussions to the contrary is an affront to his ego, and results in "attitude" instead of correction. He is the caveman. She is merely the receptacle. Whatever he does (or doesn't do) should please his woman, and if it doesn't, that's her problem. Until (naturally) she begins to find reasons not to engage. Then, it's still her fault. She has a LD.
> 
> ...


Sounds good. You should be with someone who likes and appreciates you and their actions display it. I see how the caveman bit can build up a bit of resentment. On the extreme other end of the scale is someone who is REALLY into you, and loves to please you - doesn't do it to get anything, but they do it so often with no necessary reciprocation you get used to the balance, and later on they look up and feel short changed, because yes they gave because they wanted to give and didn't "expect" anything - but should it really be done without reciprocation either now or in the future?

I was wondering how you saw your next sexual interactions going down with your prototypical lover?


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Your husband doesn't understand the first thing about women or being a good husband. He is going to need INTENSIVE help!
> 
> First, you need to make it very clear that you are not having orgasms. Feeling good because you are aroused is NOT an orgasm. Feeling aroused will not, by itself, produce and orgasm. Feeling aroused is the foundation to make an orgasm happen, but that won't happen unless you are touched.
> 
> ...


I have just fallen in love with you lol You just said it all , THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Sounds good. You should be with someone who likes and appreciates you and their actions display it. I see how the caveman bit can build up a bit of resentment. On the extreme other end of the scale is someone who is REALLY into you, and loves to please you - doesn't do it to get anything, but they do it so often with no necessary reciprocation you get used to the balance, and later on they look up and feel short changed, because yes they gave because they wanted to give and didn't "expect" anything -* but should it really be done without reciprocation either now or in the future?*
> 
> I was wondering how you saw your next sexual interactions going down with your prototypical lover?


In my former, pre-marriage life, reciprocation was not an issue at all. It came naturally. I responded. He responded. Both enjoyed each other. So, I suppose what I will be looking for is someone that I can please (because I want to) and that person enjoys the attention and wants to please me as well. Mutual enjoyment. Sensuous. Playful. Exploratory. etc.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

survivorwife said:


> In my former, pre-marriage life, reciprocation was not an issue at all. It came naturally. I responded. He responded. Both enjoyed each other. So, I suppose what I will be looking for is someone that I can please (because I want to) and that person enjoys the attention and wants to please me as well. Mutual enjoyment. Sensuous. Playful. Exploratory. etc.


Yes!

It doesn't take alot of thought or analysis! It might not be perfect at first but with two open minds and communication it can be well on the way.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I would refuse sex if he expected lube to be used instead of us both enjoying foreplay.
> 
> Since oral on you is not his thing. Then you really need to let him know that you giving oral to him is not your thing either ... until he learns how to be a giving/loving lover.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Foreplay is very much a part of sex and, without it, sex just isn't on going to happen as far as I'm concerned. Lube_ instead_ of foreplay? Doesn't your H have any idea _how/why_ a woman lubricates?:scratchhead:

Stop giving him oral and stop allowing him to behave in such a thoroughly selfish manner. If he has neither the time nor inclination to give you some pleasure, stop having sex with him.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Yes!
> 
> It doesn't take alot of thought or analysis! It might not be perfect at first but with two open minds and communication it can be well on the way.


Cavemen don't have open minds and do not communication well. They grunt and fornicate. (Can I say that here?)


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