# How should I handle this? (images attached)



## Itsmeagain (Jul 18, 2013)

Wife's been even more distant lately. Had some issues that always seems to be about my wife wanting more time for herself. 

My suspicion level is high, but a part of me is accepting that my marriage is winding down. I feel it's only a matter of time before we walk away.

Wife says she wants to work things out and make things better.

I hear: "I have no place to go, you stay with the house and kids, while I play".

Anyway, I had to do an emergency phone update on our cell phones. Without notice, I asked for her cell phone, and told her I had to have full access. The look on her face was all I needed to see. I caught her as she was running out the door to her friend's house for cards and drinks.
I seized the moment to snoop.

Apparently, she's been having some super friendly chat with a FB male friend of hers from 20 years ago. He's a friend of hers on FB, and just based on his "activity", I had the impression that this guy couldn't take his eyes off my wife. 
It seems that he reached out to her, and has been begging her to get together to "catch up" on old times.
While I don't have a problem with that, I do have a problem with it being done in a sneaky manner. 

I took some photos of the conversation, and was wondering how I should handle this, or just let the chips fall as they may?

*FYI: This conversation was deleted as soon as she had access to a computer at her friend's house. Soon after looking at it, it was gone.*

*Men*: Would you call this guy?
*Women*: Would you have cut him off after he tells her that he always had a "thing" for her?

*I Lost the page where he told her he always had a "thing" for her, and how she was his "apple of his eye"*


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Handle it by adding the images maybe???


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## Itsmeagain (Jul 18, 2013)

I assume It's been deleted by admin
Sorry guys.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Itsmeagain said:


> I assume It's been deleted by admin
> Sorry guys.


The forum's Auto-Troll software grabbed it. It should be up now.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Why does the new posts lists say this thread was started by Itsmeagain but when I read the thread it was started by Stonewall??


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Why does the new posts lists say this thread was started by Itsmeagain but when I read the thread it was started by Stonewall??


because the initial post was deleted, leaving only the next post


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Better?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Looks like an EA is going or went PA little hearts and all. Also, seems to back stab you in the sense that they both know you don't want them to contact each other but still do so. 

sorry.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Well... I guess it's time for a talk, that's more proof than 95% on this forum. Just be as cold and matter of fact as you can be like you are moving on and go from there. tell her now I know why you had that look.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Is the om married? You could have some pay back.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Don't know if it's an EA yet. But what is very clear is she knows you won't like it and is doing it anyway. That's the move of someone who is going to continue to act in ways she knows will hurt you. She lacks respect. Where she stops, no one knows as her foot hasn't gone anywhere near the brake pedal. 

She does seem a bit hesitant, but I think she's at that stage where she's working on giving herself permission and making excuses.

Time for the talk.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Put a stop to this NOW. Not everyone has a chance to stop an EA this early in the works so take advantage of it. My guess is that she's enjoying the flirtation and attention from an old friend but that needs to be nipped in the bud fast. These kind of relationships go from "we're just old friends" to "we're madly in love" in a matter of days. Seriously.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Looks like an EA to me. 
As previously stated, they KNOW you wouldn't like them to meet, yet there she is, giving him a locatoin. Don't CALL me, let's MEET. 
No question in my mind, but then again I'm pretty suspicious.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Plus the stroll down memory lane, the call me anytime, husband is the villain. I always liked u, you're sweet. Even if we are friends? Does that mean they were something else or talked about it? You are amazing and gorgeous? I'm scared, my husband will kill me "damsel in distress"? 
Way too much questionable things 
EA to me, may have been PA or heading that way


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

Most women getting together with an old MALE friend either a) invite their husband along or b) tell their husband.

This is NOT normal behavior at all.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Your wife is moving told PA, if it did not happened yet. She is enjoying the txting, she does not even start her day without sending a msg to him! she is acting like a teen and pretending she did not know it was 6 am to send a msg, she noticed the time after sending a msg!! bla bla bla!! all kind of childish things! she wants to make sure the OM knows she is thinking of him. wake up and talk to her or to both. She is not a serious woman.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

:iagree: you would think the phone belongs to a teenage girl.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

mablenc said:


> :iagree: you would think the phone belongs to a teenage girl.


OMG yea my daughter's phone wtf:scratchhead:


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Time to blow it up big time.

He's telling her how hot she is

She's telling him she's scared to do this because even she knows she us crossing the line here.


Advice - I'd go for the direct confrontation

Simply say, what do you think a guy means when he tells a married woman she is gorgeous? What is he hoping to get from her?

Follow up with : what should her husband do to such a guy? What should he do with a wife that was secretly carrying on with such a guy?

Say that, then pick up your keys and head out.

As you leave simply say, think about it and let me know later when I get back, if you are still here that is.

Then go out, and do not return home until at least 2/3 am.

You are going for fear of god here.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

OP, your wife is a serial cheater. This keeps happening to you. 

If I was you I'd have had enough the last time this happened, but here we are again.

I would tell her you know, tell her to pack her chit and get out, and file for divorce. 

Also contact "Richie's" significant other....forward her those pictures.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Without a doubt in my mind it is an EA that has likely turned PA. 

You can't prove PA at this point but I don't think you have to. I agree with Shaggy ... confront and put the fear of god into her ... but I would not be the one leaving; I would force her to leave.

I don't know that I would show the evidence; she can use that to trickle truth and create doubt ... don't let her know what she is working with. Letting her know you know and forcing her out should be enough.


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## Carlchurchill (Jan 23, 2013)

Definately hasnt gone PA yet, otherwise she wouldnt have said she is 'scared' to meet!

You caught it early u lucky man you! Now its time to have a sit down with the wifey. Remember no matter what you say, if she wants to sneak off and meet this guy, then she will...and unfortunately for you, it is like a drug to her...the sneaking, the excitement of the meeting, the first hand touch...all of it releases huge amounts of feel good hormones which you cant produce in her anymore. life sucks!


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Based on what I read from the other posters- this has happened before?

I have had old friends message me, some with pregnant wives and say stupid things- I delete them.

I also have friends that want more, have told me as much, but I have told that it will not happen, and we have stayed platonic.

What worries me about this- why couldn't you meet this guy if they were such close friends? Why not do a little dinner or whatever so that way it is truly a friendship and hell you might even be friends with this guy? If it was really nothing why wouldn't that be the normal thing to do.

This is either a full blown EA or she is viewing it as platonic (or vs versa) but not having the guts to put an end to uncomfortable comments. Maybe she is scared she will lose you over what she considers "nothing".
But if I was in this situation I would just make up an excuse (if someone was pushing me) and just say I was busy. Indefinitely.

I will tell you one thing, I seem to be a magnet for guys who think that because I ask about their lives or like talking to them assume I would like to take things further.
Once that starts you have to be VERY assertive or cut contact off totally.

Just playing devils advocate here. But to be frank this looks BAD and I would not take this kind of disrespect.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

While she was at her friend's house she was frantically contacting the OM to get their story straight and figure out what to do next. 

That depends in part on you. The great part about this is that they are going to want to talk to each other after she sees you again to see if you found out. This is always so predictable.

So a lot depends now on what reaction you show. If you confront, they are going to drive it deep underground and have a cooling off period to trick you. If you play dumb, they're going to go ahead, but look at this as a close call they have to be more careful about. 

So it is better to play dumb and go into super spy mode.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

EA fast heading for a PA. The total secrecy about their communications and possible future meetings should be setting off alarms with you like crazy. Not to mention the way they're talking to each other.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Move quickly because she's one meeting away from having his tongue in her mouth,


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> I thought about the same thing Wiserforit said. The trouble I had with that is that it isn't a PA yet. Will that push them to go to a PA? Will it stop the PA if you confront her?
> 
> I'm torn myself on this. From my point of view, I would have to decide if the marriage is worth it if she goes to a PA, then go from that stand point.


Reasonable people are going to disagree about what to do because this is not an easy situation. There's a lot we don't know.

My money is on her acting to protect the affair, which is of course over the line. 

If she doesn't want to protect the affair, and wants to protect the husband instead, then what does she do? She comes home from her friend's house to tell her husband she made a terrible mistake and lays herself at his feet to tell her what to do.

A sort of intermediate possibility is telling the boyfriend to never contact her again while she is at her friend's house, and hoping the husband does not find out, waiting until she gets home to play her "I'm sorry" card and cry a bucket of tears, if she is confronted. 

That's someone who has just proven they can't help themselves starting an affair, who will not ask their husband to be a team-mate and protect them from that weakness in the future, and will make the wrong decision again: Someone who only admits to things for which they have been caught red-handed. Even a narrow escape isn't enough.


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