# My wife started talking to a male friend again recently over the phone.?



## tamaisawesome (Nov 30, 2010)

She used to work with this guy 5 years ago. I was actually friends with him about 15 years ago and we grew apart. Lets call him D.M... D.M.. is going through a divorce and is in the process of leaving his wife. My wife does not give an signs that she is cheating and does not secretly meet D.M...anywhere.. all they do is talk on the phone. Since August the have spoke 24 times and have spent over 4 hours on the phone with each other. Whenever I give her crap about talking to him she tells me that I am being insecure about the situation. What do you think? Is it right for a married woman to talk to another man this often and this long? She tells me she is happy. The bedroom is great and we get along great.

the reason I know how long she talks is because I know his phone number and we share a phone plan. Also, she had an emotional affair 3 years ago with another man. So excuse me for being a bit sneaky. wouldn't you be?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

The numbers you give averages out to about an hour a month, and is 10 minutes per call. To me, that doesn't really sound all that bad. How often does she talk to her other friends, and for how long? It's possible you're making this bigger than it is because of the past, and if you compare it to her other phone calls, you might see it's not so bad. And I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to have friends of the opposite sex, married or not. 

But, if it's presenting a problem for you, then you need to talk to her about it. She's broken your trust once, so it's not unreasonable for you to be somewhat bothered by this. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. If she doesn't try to work it out with you, then you can re-evaluate from there and decide what to do.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Talking to a male friend isn't a "red flag", but if you tell her that you don't want her to, and she still does it, then maybe. I know this sounds sneaky, but try to discreetly listen to her tone when she talks to him. If it sounds just like gossipy chatting, then you shouldn't have to worry. If, on the other hand, she talks to him the way she talked to you when you first started dating, then you'll have to dig deeper.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

You asked if I wouldn't be a bit sneaky. Yep. Sure would. In fact I'd probably be a whole lot sneaky. Maybe your wife's intentions are perfectly innocent, but you don't know what his are. He really should be leaning on his male buddies for this kind of support, not your wife.
I'm big on boundaries. I think the relaxing of boundaries too much can lead to a slippery slope, and the next thing you know you're sliding. I protect my relationship at ALL COSTS. And if that seems hypervigilant or paranoid...too bad. I'm speaking of my own personal boundaries, btw. I can't control someone else, I can just control how I react to any given situation. 
Truthfully, if you've expressed concern over her speaking to this man, she should respect those wishes and back off from him. Especially given her history. She needs to keep her own personal guard up, so she doesn't end up doing something she would regret. I would talk to her again about it. 
Have you checked to see if there are any text messages?


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

major misfit said:


> You asked if I wouldn't be a bit sneaky. Yep. Sure would. In fact I'd probably be a whole lot sneaky. Maybe your wife's intentions are perfectly innocent, but you don't know what his are. He really should be leaning on his male buddies for this kind of support, not your wife.
> I'm *big on boundaries*. I think the relaxing of boundaries too much can lead to a slippery slope, and the next thing you know you're sliding. I protect my relationship at ALL COSTS. And if that seems hypervigilant or paranoid...too bad. I'm speaking of my own personal boundaries, btw. I can't control someone else, I can just control how I react to any given situation.
> Truthfully, if you've expressed concern over her speaking to this man, *she should respect those wishes and back off from him*. Especially given her history. She needs to keep her own personal guard up, so she doesn't end up doing something she would regret. I would talk to her again about it.
> Have you checked to see if there are any text messages?


:iagree:

That's what i'm talking about!!! I give relationship advice to a whole slew of female friends. That's how i came to be on these boards. But i talk to none on the phone about it, mostly through emails, and i tell my wife about EVERYTHING that goes on in our conversation. Hearing a person's voice vs email lends to another level of personal, emotional connection, as you can hear and grasp the pain a person is into. If my wife was concerned and raised an issue about it, i'd nip it in the bud. If the OP's wife is brushing it off, then there maybe something she's hiding especially with her past.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

My wife spends more time eating lunch with guy co-workers than that in a week!! Often they pay:smthumbup:

With that being said only you know your wife and the seriousness of the previous EA. My wife has never done anything ever well at least since we have been married

The frequency isn't much nor is the length........so it's on you if you have a problem with it one of you will have to bend either her or you.

Everyone is different I would never say "Honey you can't go out to lunch with XXXXX" nor would I ever expect her to say "You can't ever talk to XXXXX"

Everyone is different! Married 13yrs+ still rolling


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## tamaisawesome (Nov 30, 2010)

So I caught the guy telling my wife online today that if we break up or separate that he would be the first guy in line. So I asked my wife to not be in any contact to him ever again or we will divorce. She agreed and his number is now blocked from her cell phone and he is blocked on her fb account.


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