# Not okay.



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Sorry I didn't know who else to vent so I came here.

I should be studying for a test tomorrow and yet I all I can think about is him. I am wondering what he is doing? is he at work? is he at home? is he with friends? Did I cross his mind at all today? Will he ever try to reach me? Will he forgive me? Will he come back to me? I can't get him out of my mind no matter what I do or keep busy. I can't escape him he is deep inside of me and it just hurts too much, I feel like giving up.


----------



## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

But you know in your heart that you won't give up. 

This is fine, vent all you want instead of doing something that you may regret.


----------



## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

You can't give up. It's that simple. I remember a long time ago I was very depressed, and the one day I realized that one day I was going to die. I am not religious in any way, so to my thinking when I am dead there is nothing. So if I died today, or if I suffered for another 20 years and then died, in the end it made no difference. When you are dead, there are no feelings or memories. Don't know why, but for some reason it made me feel better knowing that ending it all now would have no effect on the final outcome, and it enabled me to start feeling better and get out of my depressed state. This may not make any sense to you, I guess I am just trying to say that you have to keep going and that time will let you feel better. Even a bad day on this side of the grass is still a good day, better than the other option. IT WILL GET BETTER AND EASIER.


----------



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

thanks stbxmaybe!

and hurtin'- I can understand what you are trying to say. I often think I wish I wasn't here anymore, but not really thinking suicidal either, and then I think, what if I'm not here and he wants to get back together and I wont be here to be with him. I really do wish that the pain would go away.


----------



## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

A friend of mine once told me, 

If you worry will it make a difference? and i answered NO, if you don't worry will it make a different? and I answered NO.

Then why do you worry? the SOB was right


----------



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I dont want to worry but I can't help it, these thoughts just torment me. In another note, I was wondering if I should let H know that I am going to start therapy? or should I just keep it to myself?


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

If it were me I would just keep it to yourself. Any steps you take in your life you take alone, and he should not be privy to as how you are taking them. Do it for yourself and in those dark moments where he crosses your mind, acknowledge that it hurts and remind yourself that you have better ways to spend your energy. So much easier said then done lol


----------



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

DawnD said:


> If it were me I would just keep it to yourself. Any steps you take in your life you take alone, and he should not be privy to as how you are taking them. Do it for yourself and in those dark moments where he crosses your mind, acknowledge that it hurts and remind yourself that you have better ways to spend your energy. So much easier said then done lol


Yea so much easier said than done. I don't know if I should ask him again after one month of being separated if he has thought about us and if there is any chance. I love him so much, it really hurts.


----------



## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

Well, you know how that worked for me...........although today I sent her a note about her car, something she had mentioned and I had an idea on it, and I got a smiley face back from her. It is amazing how that can mess you up, I figure I am fairly composed but it just instantly sends your emotions all over the place. What does it mean, why would she do that, did she think about us, is it a sign??????????? If I were you, I would ask the question.........but just expect to get messed up by the answer, either way.


----------



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

True, when and if I speak to him I always end up feeling worse than I am now. I talked to him for a minute today like I said before but it was just business and I felt super bad to hear him and to hear that he was hanging out with friends. I recognized that I shouldn't feel this way but I can't help it.


----------



## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

DawnD said:


> If it were me I would just keep it to yourself. Any steps you take in your life you take alone, and he should not be privy to as how you are taking them. Do it for yourself and in those dark moments where he crosses your mind, acknowledge that it hurts and remind yourself that you have better ways to spend your energy. So much easier said then done lol


where is the facebook like button?


----------

