# sexual fantasies keeping me single?



## originalone (May 11, 2014)

hi there everybody!
I am new so, nice to meet you all!
I am a 40 years single man, had few long relationship but never get married... and this the point, I hope I am not off topic, I think what I am gonna tell/ask has something to do with my "single" status... 

going to the point:

How much your sexual fantasies are just fantasies, or something you really need?

I am extremely attracted by women with muscles, (not talking about big "roided" women with deep voice - not even judging as well, simply not for me) like fitness athetes, or figure competitors, or simply women with visible biceps... I am too attracted by that kind of slim woman with outstanding arms muscles...

This fetish caused me some relationship trouble, with regular girls, the 1st step is that in the long time they were not feeling attractive toward me if they sow a woman with better muscles.. then they became insecure and not confortable with it, even if they were ok for me...

I know it may appear a silly argument, if you love someone the 1st time of attraction tend to become less important than real value in life, but empathy in sex is really really important.. and I am convinced that it keep the relationship healthy and long time working..

As you can imagine is not that easy to find a woman who share the same fantasy and feel attractive due to her muscles, and teasing a man with it.

It happened to me, I was lucky enough to find someone who felt confortable with it, our relationship was also going into the right direction, but then, in the long time she felt always more insecure, every time she had the chance to see another woman with short sleeves, or sleevless, she made a comparisoj between her and the other woman, getting paranoid, thinking that soon or late I would have found someone more attractive and loosing interest toward her...

I know many of you can tell me: "go to gym!" ...I do! 
1st for me, to keep in shape (or trying to do it lol) - I am not a fanatic, but I care to keep in health... then wishing to also meet my half there (you never know...) even if a girl or woman who take her workout seriously, usually do not like to stop and chat or talk but simply doing her schedule..

sorry for the very long introduction but was needed to explain the situation, now this is my question, or call it confession? 

I said to myself: "you cannot be that silly and avoid girls with not muscles, if they are a loyal person, with my same value, attractive too, even if not that into muscle things... it would be ridiculous, and you must give a try"
I must confess that I was really thinking that muscles were not that important for me, it was just a fantasy to deal with, but soon I realize that as long as my partner was not sharing the same fetish with me, she started feeling less attractive, and in the same time, I knew I was not making feel her like the attractive princess she deserved to be...

This is the 1st big obstacle...then consider how difficult is to find someone to spend your life with, in harmony, with the same interests maybe, and the same value and vision of life..

not necessary to say that sex was getting poor and not a moment of happiness but just a difficult moment to deal with...

I asked myself if I was wrong, or I had the right to look for what turn me on,,how much satisfying that kind of fetish was/is necessary, or not.

in some past relationship, few very attractive girls convinced me to get togethere, but in the long time I realized that I was going against my nature... 

I thought about consulting a sex theraphist but after once, I knew inside of my that this is my nature and I cannot change it... I gave a try but was not working and also not respectful for my partner...
every woman deserve a man who can really trest them like most desired woman in the world, and keep the interest high..

for example, a big turn on would have been hearing my partner saying: "hay! I decided to go to gym and add some tone (to tease me)" but this id never happened and this is something too rude to ask to do... 

just wanted to know if any of you is dealing in his/her relationship with trouble like this, fighting against your own fetish...
is this affecting your life?
did you resolved the issue, eventually?

curious fact: many friends of mine are into relationship with girls with great arms, sometimes it's embarassing... a bit frustrating too... knowing that all those guys claims thay hate girls with muscles, even a little bit... (I guess they are blind??? or.. they have the same fetish as me? in top secret modality?!) 

I know for a fact that forcing us to change our nature would not workout, and not even right... our real nature is supposed to reveal herself soon or late... 

I think that, until I am not doing something that is damaging someone else's life, I have all the rights to follow my desire and look for them...
in the end, this is nothing particular strange I guess, I simply like to admire shaped female bodies, and I guess my partner should feel proud and attractive in a situation like this... but I understand also that she may have some muscles but still feeling unconfortable with it...

I am having hard time finding to right one for me... but... am I eventually the right one for her?

I would like to know your opinion and if u got some, your similar experience or situation... a fetish that you cannot hide to yourself and to your partner...

thank you in advance guys/girls!

any opinion will be much appreciated!

all the best


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Simple.

Lay off the porn. Stop looking at muscles magazine and in shape magazine. Start looking at real women.

Cause dude, unless your buff, built and have a super portfolio, at 40... Your pickings are getting pretty slim.

People who live under bridges ought not to expect their barbarian princess to fall in love with them.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Why do you think your girlfriends become insecure over time? It sounds like this has happened several times in your relationship. 

The thing with fetishes - they last longer than the natural progression of life. I think at some point it's time to just realize - a woman with a physique that matches your fetish is not going to remain that way over time. 60 years old? 70? Other things will need to fill the space.


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## GIM003 (Feb 5, 2014)

Oh where to begin. If you cannot be happily in a relationship with women who are not super-fit/muscular, then do not start these relationships. It is not fair to these women to start into a relationship and then make them feel that there is something wrong with their physical form because they don't correspond with your "standards".

If you find yourself in a relationship with a "normal" woman, then remember how you got there (i.e, what makes her wonderful) and love her for who she is. If you can't do this then you are not the right person for her.


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## originalone (May 11, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Simple.
> 
> Lay off the porn. Stop looking at muscles magazine and in shape magazine. Start looking at real women.
> 
> ...


oh well that's rude man! 

seriously, I get the point and thank you for your suggestion, anyway I am not the kind of person who lives under the bridge, I got a statisfying social life too...
but, yes, sometimes it happen to watch at some muscle magazine, but it's not the rule, so I do not think this is the main reason.


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## originalone (May 11, 2014)

MissScarlett said:


> Why do you think your girlfriends become insecure over time? It sounds like this has happened several times in your relationship.
> 
> The thing with fetishes - they last longer than the natural progression of life. I think at some point it's time to just realize - a woman with a physique that matches your fetish is not going to remain that way over time. 60 years old? 70? Other things will need to fill the space.


well it happened twice, my last relationship was perfect talking about sex, but we were going into opposite direction with our vision of life, so sex was finally great (she loved to tease me with her arms, "accidentally" flexing for example at restaurant, or in public... just to make the atmosphere hot for a late happy ending..) but we were not the right person for each other...

I agree and I know that a woman at 60 or 70 will not be looking like when she was 30, and I am not that fool to pretend something like this (even if I must confess that I know more than a woman in her 60 with some great arms and still beautiful women.. and sometimes I wonder if will I ever meet a woman like this.
but.. you will agree wity me that, at least in the beginning, for few years, sex has a very important role in a relationship, and for sure in the time other things will need to feel the space... but also, are you sure that a woman who do not feel attractive would not leave away herself?
sexual empathy strenght a relationship most of the time, then, I agree with you, thank you for your reply...


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## originalone (May 11, 2014)

GIM003 said:


> Oh where to begin. If you cannot be happily in a relationship with women who are not super-fit/muscular, then do not start these relationships. It is not fair to these women to start into a relationship and then make them feel that there is something wrong with their physical form because they don't correspond with your "standards".
> 
> If you find yourself in a relationship with a "normal" woman, then remember how you got there (i.e, what makes her wonderful) and love her for who she is. If you can't do this then you are not the right person for her.


you are totally right, I guess I wrote it too, but maybe I was too fast and I did not explained that point.
I really did not start many relationship just for the reason you told, believe me I got too much respect for women to fool them around or to start something into I do not believe.
but, sure you are right, sometimes it happen to hurt someone's feeling, for example, one of my most important relationship, and very long, begun with me explaining my "fetish", it was not a real date when we met, but she conviced me to give a try.
I can ensure you that at the beginning everything was great and I had the best moments of my life, also the best sex... but she was paranoid about the comparison with ohter women.. and even if I was always telling her that she was the best for me, she started feeling herself insecure about it... I guess I made my part, for sure I do not want to say that when a relationship goes to the end is just the one person fault... but believe me I did my best to avoid this but happened.
your last words are totally right... and I believe this is true for both person involved into the relationship, it's a good point.
thank you for your opinion too.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Tip: Goat meat is fattening.


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## originalone (May 11, 2014)

Catherine602 said:


> Tip: Goat meat is fattening.


lol so what?


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## bestwife (May 10, 2014)

Pretty interesting topic in my opinion but I have question. How long do you likes women with bigger arms? 

Its starts when you started to take care of yourself (training, health diet etc) or its long term?


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## originalone (May 11, 2014)

louanneyis said:


> It sounds like this has happened several times in your relationship.


few times, I avoided a lot of relationship just for this reason


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## originalone (May 11, 2014)

bestwife said:


> Pretty interesting topic in my opinion but I have question. How long do you likes women with bigger arms?
> 
> Its starts when you started to take care of yourself (training, health diet etc) or its long term?


thank you for your question, is more than long term, I got this fetish since I was a child, always had a crush for women with some muscles, even if I can't tell a particular moment.
I remember I was looking at girls muscles since my school time..
just to explain, I am not attracted at all by big bodybuilders, but I really like regular women with visible muscles, for example, slim women with outstanding biceps (is more a shape and defition matter than size) or for example some long lean legs with outstanding calves... but not big legs..


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## originalone (May 11, 2014)

louanneyis said:


> It sounds like this has happened several times in your relationship.


not several time, just a few.. I avoided lots of relationship just for this reason


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

I'm not sure what your question is exactly but my take on this is to ask yourself if you can be happy in a relationship without the woman having this trait. Would you rather be alone than be with a woman who isn't muscular? If the answer is "yes" than you need to be okay with the fact that you are going to be picking from a smaller pool of women. And if you want a woman who is muscular and also not self-conscious about the way she looks, you are picking from an even smaller pool.


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## originalone (May 11, 2014)

I think u got exactly the point.
well, my question is not a request of a solution, but just wondering if someone else experience something similar, talking about a fetish that may affect your relationship.

of course, I well know that I am picking from a smaller pool of women, and about it, no matter if they are self consious or not, I would just like them to feel sexy and attractive due to their fit body.

said that, I don't want to appear like a fool, an healty relationship is made of many other more important things, but I would feel guilty if my partner would not feel attractive to my eyes...
I tried to change it and go over it, but it's my nature and I can't hide it...

actually I am single, better than being false with someone else if I know from the beginning that things would ends up in a bad way...


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

originalone said:


> I think u got exactly the point.
> well, my question is not a request of a solution, but just wondering if someone else experience something similar, talking about a fetish that may affect your relationship.
> 
> of course, I well know that I am picking from a smaller pool of women, and about it, no matter if they are self consious or not, I would just like them to feel sexy and attractive due to their fit body.
> ...


I don't have a fetish (I don't think) but it seems to me that your life would be diminished somehow if you couldn't indulge it in some way. Are there alternatives? Would you be okay if your partner didn't necessarily have guns but allowed you to watch porn with women who did? Or something of that nature?


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## originalone (May 11, 2014)

firebelly1 said:


> I don't have a fetish (I don't think) but it seems to me that your life would be diminished somehow if you couldn't indulge it in some way. Are there alternatives? Would you be okay if your partner didn't necessarily have guns but allowed you to watch porn with women who did? Or something of that nature?


we gave a try in the past with my ex gf, I would have never asked her, but she did it, I appreciated that much but I must confess that I would somehow feeling guilty, not honest at 100% with my partner.
Even if she would do it as an act of love, I would accept this only if that would be 100% ok with her and she would feel excited by that.
I think I experienced almost all the possible scenario, the percfect girl to marrie, but no sex chemistry at all, the girl who tried and made me feel really good but she was unconfortable with it, and the perfect sexual chemistry with a tall slim woman and pretty good arms, and she really loved to turn me on with them... sex was great, but everything else... we were pretty far..

I guess that I have not been luck enough to find the right mix 

I must confess that even if I would love to find the right partner, I am not living it as a problem, every love story I had, every relationship started almost accidentally...
every time I tried to make it happen I made disaster lol

maybe I should think about using my fetish in a funny way as an ice breaker?

once it did worked fine, but it accidentally happened... a girl was complaining about every guy looking at boobs and she wished she had more, she was also pretty athletic and I told her that she would be surprised if I told her what's attractive to me..
she asked me and I invited her to guess it.. after few wrong answere I asked her to flex her arm, (nice bicep btw) and she smiled a lot, told me I am very funny... I guess she did not take me seriously, anyway, she was looking at someone and I was into a relationship (going to the end I guess) so nothing happened, but it was a nice fun night to remember...

No, I know how does it feel when there is sex chemistry with a partner who like to tease me with my fetish and it feels like paradise, I would stay single for life but not lie to my partner and myself too... I will be patience


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Whatever is keeping you single, cling to it and thank God every morning for it. Marriage is a lousy deal for most men.


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## originalone (May 11, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> Whatever is keeping you single, cling to it and thank God every morning for it. Marriage is a lousy deal for most men.


lol sometimes people tell me the same, but I like to believe that a marriage can be happiness too... at least I see my parents still togethere and happy after all those years... another generation maybe?


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