# Where do I go from here? Please help.



## glen_82 (Mar 13, 2012)

When my little brother was a teenager, I took him in to my home because our mother was arrested and he was going to have to go into foster care otherwise. He was about 15. He is now 21 and still lives with me free of rent. He has been my best friend and I have enjoyed having him in my home up until Tuesday. That was the day that he admitted that he and my wife slept together about one year ago. He says that it was a one time thing, but that the guilt was getting to him and he could no longer hide it from me. I exploded when he told me. I wanted to hit him and hurt him. I am so ashamed of my self for letting that rage fuel my thoughts, but I can't shake it. I can't even look at him. Or my wife. After I was finished talking to him, I asked her about it and she admitted it. I can't think about anything else but them together. I resent them both so much. For all I know "one time thing" could mean "every time you leave the house." I can't trust him, or her. The only two people I really felt like I could trust.

My wife just had our second child. We've been married for six years. I just turned 30 and I've been a bit depressed because of my age and now I find out that my wife has cheated on me with my younger brother that I have raised since 15! I am also upset that she never told me and I had to hear it from him. Why did the guilt not get to HER too? And why my brother? I have been so kind and generous to him and he betrays me in this way. And in my own house in my bed that I have slept in every night since. I feel like such an idiot for not figuring it out. All this time has gone by and I never even suspected a thing. My trust for both of them has been completely shattered. I don't know what to do now. I feel like my whole life has fallen apart. I am so confused and depressed and angry and resentful and I don't know what to do anymore.

Should I kick my brother out? Divorce my wife? Try to forgive them? Go to a marriage/family counselor? Please help. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.


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## Bugz Bunny (Nov 28, 2011)

I can tell you only what I would do in your place...I would file for divorce and I would stop any contact with my brother...

all this time while the two of them where siting with you and pretending like nothing happened,they were making a fool of you for a long time...and yes you should kick him out because he is a damn reminder...Sorry but your own brother and your wife (double betrayal) its just disgusting,how can someone ever get over something like that...

And your wife never felt the need to come clean to you...Clearly she never respected or loved you...I bet it was more than one time and they are minimizing it because cheaters are always in damage control and will never tell the entire truth...

Advice:Kick your brother out and stop any contact with him,file for divorce,get tested for STDs,get an DNA test...

Good Luck


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I am so sorry . This is an awful double betrayal. 
The problem with kicking Brother out and Divorcing your wife is that you lose the two people who you most loved forever.

Your brother does have to move. Right now. He is an adult and needs to do that anyway!

You need to talk to your wife about this. 
You need to find out why and how. 
Is it still going?
You need to get into Individual Counselling now.
AFTER your brother leaves get into MC as soon as possible.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

for starters, your brother definetly needs to go. he's done enough damage.

the divorce part of it is in your court. you're gonna have to decide that for yourself.

i agree that there may more to the story than they're letting on....you can't trust anything they say. i also agree on a dna test of your children....who knows how long this has been going on.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

glen_82 said:


> When my little brother was a teenager, I took him in to my home because our mother was arrested and he was going to have to go into foster care otherwise. He was about 15. He is now 21 and still lives with me free of rent. He has been my best friend and I have enjoyed having him in my home up until Tuesday. That was the day that he admitted that he and my wife slept together about one year ago. He says that it was a one time thing, but that the guilt was getting to him and he could no longer hide it from me. I exploded when he told me. I wanted to hit him and hurt him. I am so ashamed of my self for letting that rage fuel my thoughts, but I can't shake it. I can't even look at him. Or my wife. After I was finished talking to him, I asked her about it and she admitted it. I can't think about anything else but them together. I resent them both so much. For all I know "one time thing" could mean "every time you leave the house." I can't trust him, or her. The only two people I really felt like I could trust.
> 
> My wife just had our second child. We've been married for six years. I just turned 30 and I've been a bit depressed because of my age and now I find out that my wife has cheated on me with my younger brother that I have raised since 15! I am also upset that she never told me and I had to hear it from him. Why did the guilt not get to HER too? And why my brother? I have been so kind and generous to him and he betrays me in this way. And in my own house in my bed that I have slept in every night since. I feel like such an idiot for not figuring it out. All this time has gone by and I never even suspected a thing. My trust for both of them has been completely shattered. I don't know what to do now. I feel like my whole life has fallen apart. I am so confused and depressed and angry and resentful and I don't know what to do anymore.
> 
> Should I kick my brother out? Divorce my wife? Try to forgive them? Go to a marriage/family counselor? Please help. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.


This is shattering! I cannot imagine what you are going through right now.

In my opinion, i should definately kick your bother out! Kick him out immediately, he is grown now, you have done enough (more than enough) for him, to feel/think you need to provide more! Get him out so you can deal with your wife... alone.

I would pump the brakes on divorce right now, unless ofcourse the betrayal is too much for you to forgive, which is fair. If you plan on working threw this, your wife needs come clean with magnitude of the affair (really one 1x?), etc. 

How does your wife act now? remorseful? what about brother actions? are they alone much, still?


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

cledus_snow said:


> for starters, your brother definetly needs to go. he's done enough damage.
> 
> the divorce part of it is in your court. you're gonna have to decide that for yourself.
> 
> i agree that there may more to the story than they're letting on, as you can't trust anything they say. i also agree on a dna test of your children....who knows how long this has been going on.


damn.. i feel terrible for u..dont believe itv was a 1 time thing either. get kids checked to make sure they are yours...burn the bed and tooss ex brother out..he is now no longer part of your life..divorce your wife for the simple fact of stooping so low to cheat with yor brother...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Humble Pie said:


> This is shattering! I cannot imagine what you are going through right now.
> 
> In my opinion, i should definately kick your bother out! Kick him out immediately, he is grown now, you have done enough (more than enough) for him, to feel/think you need to provide more! Get him out so you can deal with your wife... alone.
> 
> ...



:iagree::iagree:


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## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

Dont have wisdom for me, but just saying I feel for you dude. That is about as rough as a situation as I can imagine. I think myself I would at least immediately--regardless of your longterm approach--kick them both out. Him permanently, her until you decide if you want to split or try to reconcile. He needs to go immediately. She should AT LEAST sleep in the study or leave...

...then think it through, get advice, hang out with trustworthy friends you can confide in (one or maybe two--only the very closest friends), wait...and decide.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Divorce them both. And get the DNA test. I don't know how that work with brothers, but you need to check.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You brother I would put out in the street - with no money from you - and I would consider him dead to me forever. I would do this today. He leaves with the clothes on his back.

The wife - I would demand she take a polygraph test about how many times, and how many other men.

The kids - well a DNA test won't show that the kids are yours if they are possibly your brothers.

The wife, I would likely file for divorce after I talked to an attorney and got my finances in order. Then I would instruct my attorney to go nuclear on her.

What the two of them did is so far beyond forgivable that there aren't words. 

You brother betrayed years of your love and kindness.

You wife, ended your family relationship with him. She effectively killed you brother, as there is no way you could ever treat him like a brother after this.

So how did it come about ? Did she come on to him? Did her come on to her?


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

As you've already been counseled - someone has to leave - pronto!!! In reality it could be any one of you. Her, your brother or you; but someone's got to go. I can't even begin to tell you which is the right answer. 

I agree with the others - there's more under the surface that you don't know yet. You've just seen the ugly hole of this, I doubt you have any idea how deep it is yet. Sorry you're having to go through this - good luck. Keep posting here - there's a wealth of experience and a lot of good people who want to help others.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

While the others are right that the double betrayal merits banishment for your brother and possibly your wife as well, I would caution you against keeping alive the anger and bitterness you feel. *Don't allow what they did to to you to redefine who you are.*


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## glen_82 (Mar 13, 2012)

Wow, thanks so much everyone for the feedback. It has helped. 

I stayed in a hotel last night, and I think I will stay here for a while until this cools down a bit. I didn't want to be home, around them.

My brother called me this morning and told me he was moving out. He said he was truly sorry for what he'd done and he would understand if I didn't want him in my life anymore. He told me that I wouldn't have to hear from him for a while, but said I could call if I ever wanted to talk. I'm really glad he decided to move out on his own. I wanted him out, but I don't think I would have been able to kick him out myself, knowing he has nowhere to go.

As for my wife, I have talked to her about it. She seems to be slightly less apologetic than my brother, but remorseful nonetheless. Maybe I just feel extra bitter at her and her apologies mean less to me. Or maybe she doesn't mean them as much as she should. Either way, she maintains that they only slept together once. She said that I was out of town that week for work and that they were watching a movie together and it just kind of happened. What does that mean?! She still won't tell me who made the first move, or how it "just kind of happened." I was only gone for one week. Could she really not wait for ONE week? I remember being out of town that week. I called every day. I thought about her constantly. I hated being away from her for so long. It killed me. I would have never imagined that went on in my absence.

I still don't trust her, nor do I trust him. I don't want to file for divorce though. Not yet anyway. I wish that there was a way that I could just erase this. As dumb as it sounds, I was much more content just.... not knowing.

I would like to get a paternity test on my kids, just to know if they're really mine. But would a paternity test even tell me? My brother and I have the same parents, the same DNA. My oldest looks like me, but then again, my brother looks like me too. So how do I know? And my youngest is still just a baby so it's hard to tell how she'll look, but she's favoring me.... and so is my brother!!!


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

glen_82 said:


> She still won't tell me who made the first move


Unacceptable. She has to tell you everything - period. As many times as you want her to.



glen_82 said:


> or how it "just kind of happened."


Yeah right - it just happened. That's insulting.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Your wife's less than apologetic attitude tells me this is not her first go-around. Ill bet she has cheated before, just not with your brother. Scour your home computer for e-mails between her and other men. And move back home. If anyone leaves it should be her. I agree with the idea of a polygraph. Again, ill bet this is not her first walk in Cheaterland.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

You need to develop a course of action to help you feel like you are back in control of your life.

In order to develop a plan of action, you will need the truth.

As hard as it will be, I would suggest getting in touch with your brother and getting all of the details from him. He came clean to you on his own. He is less likely to lie to you than your wife. Who instigated it, was there any conversations or boundary crossing in the days/weeks/months leading up to it, did they ever talk about it afterward and what was said, were there any professions of love, etc.? Any questions you have. Then see if her answers match up.

If your brother is unwilling to give you the answers, you may never get the truth.

Look into paternity tests. I don't know if those tests can tell the difference between brothers.

Let your wife know what you need from her. Let her know that if she doesn't give it to you, that you will leaver her. Honesty, remorse, whatever you need, let her know and also let her know if you're not satisfied. If you decide to consider reconciliation, she must make the effort to win you back.

Do not decide whether or not to get divorced yet. Should you decide to attempt reconciliation, let your wife know that you will try, but you cannot guarantee that you will be able to get past it, even if she does everything right and you almost certainly will not be able to get past it if she does everything wrong.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Your wife is a real piece of work. It just happened....Oh please. You were gone for only 1 week and she has to open her legs for your brother...?
I agree with Bandit in that your wife's slight apology indicates that this is not her first go around. I seriously doubt she only had sex with him once. Your wife sounds like she is sorry....sorry she got caught. How nice that it was your brother that had to tell you since she had no intention of telling you. This says it all.

My guess is that you and your brother may probably have different blood types. I was one of 3 siblings and we all had a different blood type. It makes sense to do a paternity test.

It also makes sense to see a lawyer and end this marriage. This behavior is the worst of the worst. Her comment that hey it just happened should sent you to the lawyer immediately. What a total piece of slime she is.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Get to a lawyer, separate finances, cut her off. Expose to everyone, especially her family. Have her served, WITHOUT TELLING HER. When she gets served, she will ask you why you didn't say anything. Tell her this, *"It just kind of happened, I went to the lawyer and explained the situation, I'm sure it was almost as easy as you spreading your legs for my brother and whoever else you have been f#^%ing since I've known you".* 

Get back in the house and send her off to her family, or friends hopefully a long way a ways. Do not let her take the kids out of state. 

Also explain to her that she has literally murdered your brother to you. As sure as she stuck a knife in him, when she let him stick his kock in her.


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## gpa (Feb 22, 2012)

glen_82 said:


> My brother and I have the same parents, the same DNA.


No. You don't have the same DNA. Don't bother about it. The paternity test will give y clear answers.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Glen,

You have gotten a lot of different suggestions.

Here is my take.

You have been doubly betrayed by two family members!

You have to be in shock after being blindsided like this. Who would not be???

Take the time to not make any big decisions right now. I agree your brother had to go. Thank God, he at least is finally using his head and moved out. You should feel no guilt for him having no where to go. 

Your brother is no longer your responsibility. He needs to feel the repercussions for his poor decisions.

And sadly, so does your wife. 

You might need some time away from her, maybe a few days to get your thoughts in order and get your emotions under control.

You have to decide if you want to R or D. But those decisions can be made when you are thinking more clearly.

If my wife ever slept with my brother, I would have a serious doubt in my mind why she would affair down. The cheaters always seem to do this in most cases. There is the possibility she has cheated on you before. No matter what you decide to do, your entire family is going to find out. When they do, your brother and your ww are going to have a lot more to deal with than just you.

Patience. Get your thoughts and emotions under control. Her actions will speak more than her words. And her words right now do not seem like a woman that screwed over her husband and is feeling bad about it.

Good Luck and Keep Posting,

HM64


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

glen_82 said:


> When my little brother was a teenager, I took him in to my home because our mother was arrested and he was going to have to go into foster care otherwise. He was about 15. He is now 21 and still lives with me free of rent. He has been my best friend and I have enjoyed having him in my home up until Tuesday. That was the day that he admitted that he and my wife slept together about one year ago. He says that it was a one time thing, but that the guilt was getting to him and he could no longer hide it from me. I exploded when he told me. I wanted to hit him and hurt him. I am so ashamed of my self for letting that rage fuel my thoughts, but I can't shake it. I can't even look at him. Or my wife. After I was finished talking to him, I asked her about it and she admitted it. I can't think about anything else but them together. I resent them both so much. For all I know "one time thing" could mean "every time you leave the house." I can't trust him, or her. The only two people I really felt like I could trust.
> 
> My wife just had our second child. We've been married for six years. I just turned 30 and I've been a bit depressed because of my age and now I find out that my wife has cheated on me with my younger brother that I have raised since 15! I am also upset that she never told me and I had to hear it from him. Why did the guilt not get to HER too? And why my brother? I have been so kind and generous to him and he betrays me in this way. And in my own house in my bed that I have slept in every night since. I feel like such an idiot for not figuring it out. All this time has gone by and I never even suspected a thing. My trust for both of them has been completely shattered. I don't know what to do now. I feel like my whole life has fallen apart. I am so confused and depressed and angry and resentful and I don't know what to do anymore.
> 
> Should I kick my brother out? Divorce my wife? Try to forgive them? Go to a marriage/family counselor? Please help. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.


OMG, this might be the most unforgivable betrayal I have read here on TAM. I thought sleeping with the best friend was bad. Your description of her reaction tells me that there is much much more to this story. I would leave no stone unturned. This kind of thing doesn't just happen. And she's so calm about it!!! Somethings rotten.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

glen_82 said:


> Wow, thanks so much everyone for the feedback. It has helped.
> 
> I stayed in a hotel last night, and I think I will stay here for a while until this cools down a bit. I didn't want to be home, around them.


Remain like this until you come to your own grip.



glen_82 said:


> My brother called me this morning and told me he was moving out. He said he was truly sorry for what he'd done and he would understand if I didn't want him in my life anymore. He told me that I wouldn't have to hear from him for a while, but said I could call if I ever wanted to talk. I'm really glad he decided to move out on his own. I wanted him out, but I don't think I would have been able to kick him out myself, knowing he has nowhere to go.


Good riddance.



glen_82 said:


> As for my wife, I have talked to her about it. She seems to be slightly less apologetic than my brother, but remorseful nonetheless. Maybe I just feel extra bitter at her and her apologies mean less to me. Or maybe she doesn't mean them as much as she should. Either way, she maintains that they only slept together once. *She said that I was out of town that week for work and that they were watching a movie together and it just kind of happened*. What does that mean?! She still won't tell me who made the first move, or how it "just kind of happened." I was only gone for one week. Could she really not wait for ONE week? I remember being out of town that week. I called every day. I thought about her constantly. I hated being away from her for so long. It killed me. I would have never imagined that went on in my absence.


Dont buy what she says. She has to come out completely honest in this case. It can not happen like "Just it happened". No way!

You cared about her and she did not.



glen_82 said:


> I still don't trust her, nor do I trust him. I don't want to file for divorce though. Not yet anyway. I wish that there was a way that I could just erase this. As dumb as it sounds, I was much more content just.... not knowing.


I know it hurts badly. Sad. I am sorry. 
But not knowing is no solution, mate.
You cant erase, but you can move past it. Either by R or D.



glen_82 said:


> I would like to get a paternity test on my kids, just to know if they're really mine. But would a paternity test even tell me? My brother and I have the same parents, the same DNA. My oldest looks like me, but then again, my brother looks like me too. So how do I know? And my youngest is still just a baby so it's hard to tell how she'll look, but she's favoring me.... and so is my brother!!!


I dont have an answers for this. Someone else may have.

But, in any case, take care.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

With your brother? really?!?!

imagine if she got pregnant.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

sigma1299 said:


> Unacceptable. She has to tell you everything - period. As many times as you want her to.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah right - it just happened. That's insulting.


Since your wife is so unwilling to say, and as you mentioned less appoligetic than your brother. ASK YOUR BROTHER that question! More chances than not, by his remorsefull attitude, he will come clean with all the facts (who initiated, how many times, etc, etc.)


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your brother couldn't handle his guilt---your supposed loving wife would have taken her deep dirty little secret to her grave

Tween the 2 of them your brother at least has enuff guts to tell you---he is your flesh and blood, and couldn't stand deceiving you any longer----I wonder if he ever talked to your wife about telling you????

Why have you left the house---take yourself back home IMMEDIATELY---tell your wife to leave

The real question now is---what does your wife feel for you---she certainly doesn't love you---if she loved you this wouldn't have happened---and I will tell you this---I would DEMAND a POLY to see if it truly was just a one-time sex act.

Next question is---why is your wife really staying---cuz you are her meal ticket?????---She certainly can't love you-----if you D her she knows that she would be out on her own, a single, married women with 2 kids, and the label of cheater on her---who would now have to work, one maybe two jobs just to make it--that is, if she could even find a job.---Also what is out there in the way of men for her---there are no loyal, loving good, kind H's out there---the men she would associate with, will be those looking for sex, looking for her to take care of them, basically there isn't that much out there for her----you better believe she knows this---so she will do the basic necessities, to keep you happy, and stay married

What about you---Your peace of mind is gone----your carefree life is gone, your trust is gone---your sub-conscious has visions, you haven't even started down the road, to any kind of recovery, whether it be R or D---and you are already a mess.

Believe me all your wife wants to do, is to sweep this under the rug------She was never gonna tell you--For she knew she would be blowing your family to pieces, and bringing nuclear winter down on all of you---- every night you came home for the last year---she looked you right in the eyes, and said everything is fine----Is this the kind of deceitful, lying woman you wanna continue your life with

Then we have your kids---what kind of a mother, KNOWINGLY right in her own home cheats on her kids, and relegates them to a life of possible split homes, misery, and everything else that comes with adultery----Yes your children's mother is a real piece of work.------Now hopefully, you know why she was never gonna tell you----I certainly would have liked to have been a fly on the wall of your home, when the conversation tween your brother, and your children's mother came up regarding telling you.


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## glen_82 (Mar 13, 2012)

Hello everyone! 

jnj express,
I can't just kick my wife out. I dont want my son to worry. He thinks that I've left for a trip for work. I don't want him knowing about this. And my newborn daughter needs her mother to take care of her when I am not there.

As far as my wife wanting to sweep this under the rug, I think you're right. But I think her intentions are less malicious. I think she just wanted to avoid confrontation. I will find out her side of the story tomorrow. 

happyman, thank you. I have been trying my best to keep a cool head throughout this situation.

Sorry I'm not replying correctly. I'm not exactly sure if I'm doing this right.

I took Will_Kane and humble pie's advice about calling Peighton this afternoon. I told him that my wife wasn't really telling me anything regarding who made the first move and that she claimed that it just happened. 

He said that he made the first move. He said that they were both intoxicated when it happened (which brings up another issue that I will get to later) and neither of them were in their right minds and he saw her with different eyes. Less like a mother/aunt figure the way he'd always thought of her and more like a potential partner.

Regarding the "intoxication," I have known for a while that my brother has a drug habit, I'm not sure exactly what it is that he takes, but I know it's prescription pills. I have tried to help him, but he claims it's harmless and I haven't really seen any ill effects from it, so I've done my best to ignore it. What he does to his body is his business. The only rule I had with that is that I didn't want that in my house, yard, cars, airspace, or ANYWHERE around my kids or my wife. 

I thought he was keeping with that agreement as I have never personally seen him high as far as I know and I have never seen any paraphernalia in or around my house. And when I leave, him and my wife get high together? I yelled at him and he apologized profusely for that as well, but my god. The deeper I get into this, the more horrible it gets. He told me that he had been giving pills to her on and off for a few months at the time that this happened, but after they slept together, she blamed the pills for her bad judgement and hasn't taken them since.

Anyway, he said his memory of the night is foggy, considering his state of mind, but he remembers watching the movie and he remembers her telling him that she was horny and hadn't had sex since I'd left. He said he felt the sudden urge to.. fix that. And apparently she let him. 

I'm really glad he's being honest about it, but I wasn't ready to hear that at all. It hit me so hard. At this point he was literally crying, and I wanted to cry too. He swore to me that it happened once, and only once. I asked him if he knew if she had cheated on me with anyone else and he said that as far as he knows, he was the only one. I asked him if they had discussed telling me and he said that the day after it happened, they talked about it. They both swore to forget it, for the good of the entire family and never to bring it up again and that they hadn't, until last Tuesday when he told me.

I haven't talked to my wife yet. I plan on calling her tomorrow. I don't feel like I can take anything else for today. I will post here again with how the conversation with my wife goes.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

At the very least you should go and see a lawyer for a consult so you can now what your options and rights are. 

If it were me, I would file for divorce. This was not a case of your wife having an affair with a neighbor across the street. This was a truly henous act. 

_Do not, do not, do not _let your wife off the hook for this!! No matter how uncomfortable it makes her, she needs to own this crime against you and your family. At the very minimum, she needs to tell you everything that happened, then she needs to show through her actions -- not words -- that she is sorry for what she did. From what your brother said, she was the one who brought up being "horny"... so she was the instigator in this! If she will not accept her role in this, then all bets are off. 

And do not use your kids as an excuse for not taking action. If you let her go without any consequences, I guarantee you this will happen again and the question about what will happen to your children will be a moot point. 

Back to the divorce... filing does two things: it protects you legally once the paperwork is filed and it also provides a chance to see your wife's true colors. If she fears losing you and her lifestyle, she will change her attitude real quick, and the cloud of divorce hanging over her head is good incentive for her to work on her problems and commit to reconcilliation. 

You can always postpone or even cancel the divorce if she shows true repentance.

Individual and joint counseling for you and her are a must. Do not let her balk on this. Also, sounds like your wife could use a drug screening to see if she has any addictions. I worry that your brother got her hooked on something. There is more to this than what she is letting on.

When you go home, if she continues to treat this in a nonchalant manner, then you know where you stand with her: you are a meal ticket, nothing more. Then file immediately, do the 180 and ask her to make arrangements to move out. 

Here is the 180: The Healing Heart: The 180


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Glen
Cool heads prevail in situations like yours. I knew you had young kids at home figured that is why you chose to leave.

I think a few us also figured there s more to the story and when I hear drugs /alcohol are involved that is never good in your home situation.

Stay calm and get your wife's side of the story. Do not tell her you spoke to your brother. Get all the facts, compare stories then decide what you want to do.

I am truly sorry for your pain. Your brother and wife have no clue how badly they have hurt you.

Good Luck
HM64
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Time heals.

It doesn't get much worse than being betrayed by your brother who you raised and took care of for six years and your wife, but given that situation, the fact that it was a drunken/high one-time thing and never happened again is much better than if it was pre-meditated and/or ongoing.

In my opinion, by your wife telling your brother she was horny, she made the first move - it was her letting him know she was open to it. Her telling him she hadn't had sex in the whole week since you'd left is disturbing, too, and seems like something she said just to encourage him further. "I'm horny and I haven't had sex in a whole week." If that isn't encouragement, I don't know what is. Also, taking drugs with your brother while you were not around - was that some type of behavior on her part because of an attraction to your brother or a need to get high? Either way, that's pretty disturbing, too.

Personally, I can't imagine being drunk enough to sleep with my brother's wife.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

When you talk to your wife, let her know that for her this is old news and happened over a year ago, for you it's something that happened yesterday and still very fresh.

Even giving her the benefit of the doubt that it's something she deeply regrets, she has had a whole year to come to peace with it and you most likely will need much longer than that, if you can ever get past it.

The level of her remorse and her ability to convince you how sorry she is may help you get past it a little.

First, talk to her. Get her side of the story about how she felt and why she did it. Also, find out if there are any other problems in your marriage that are in her head right now that she's not telling you about.

I think you need to get those paternity tests or that's something that will always be in the back of your mind.

I would suggest not making any big decisions at least for a few weeks and maybe even longer than that. As time passes, you will start to know what you want to do and whether you will be able to get past this and resume your marriage or whether you want to get divorced.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Its easy in a situation to compartmentalize all of your anger toward your brother, but unless you resolve your feelings of betrayal from your wife without the easy answer of what is best for the kids, this kind of resentment will not completely go away. When you reach a place in life where she no longer is open and receptive as she is now, you'll ask yourself if she is telling another man that she is horny, just like your brother. That is the question that should be addressed before you set up a default stance of divorce being off the table. She will never have to look deeply into the answer of why it was so easy to give what any red blooded man would consider to be an invitation without a compelling consequence. Obviously, guilt will not drive her to look into her faults because she choose to carry it to the grave, except for it being revealed.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So not only is she a cheat, but she is also open and willing to do drugs in your house while she is watch the kids and possibly while pregnant and nursing.

She is really working hard at earning mom of the year isn't she. So is she also getting drugs from other people now? 

You should add drug test to the list of things she needs to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Complexity said:


> With your brother? really?!?!
> 
> imagine if she got pregnant.


How does he know she didn't?


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Will_Kane said:


> Time heals.
> 
> It doesn't get much worse than being betrayed by your brother who you raised and took care of for six years and your wife, but given that situation, the fact that it was a drunken/high one-time thing and never happened again is much better than if it was pre-meditated and/or ongoing.


He doesn't really know it was a one time thing. It's very doubtful he has the whole story yet.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

so your wife got drunk and slept with her brother in law.does they have any idea what they have done.its like a brother sister relation.
dont waste ur life with such woman and kick ur brother out.expose their affair to family.
It seem just tip of iceberg.


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## WhoHaveIBecome (Mar 9, 2012)

Your brother seems to be troubled and having him in a home with kids is probably not prudent. Him leaving is good. He does seem remorseful unlike your wife. 

I think you have to brace yourself for the full truth. Judging by her response this wasn't her first affair. Don't let her pin this on your brother. She is the one who made a commitment to you and she should have known better. And anytime you are dealing with a cheating wife a paternity test isn't a bad idea. Good Luck


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

So now you are basically giving your wife a pass for what she has done---cuz you have 2 small children

Tell me something, cuz I am confused ---what kind of a mother is it, that takes drugs, and propositions her H's brother, what, less, than 4 days after you were away.

What kind of a wife does that---and please don't give me some line about alcohol---falling down drunks KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG---and your wife knew every step of the way, what she was doing, and what she wanted.---what kind of a wife tells another man, for your brother certainly is another man, I am horny, what did she think was gonna happen---obviously she KNEW WHAT SHE WANTED, and it sure didn't have anything to do with being a good loving wife and mother.

You may not like what I am saying---but facts are facts----your wife wanted to cheat, and did so---and she was gonna try da*n hard to make sure you never found out----she just didn't count on your brother having empathy for you

I am sorry, but the woman you married, is basically nothing more than a drug using *****---once again, you may not like the words, but they are the TRUTH arn't they!!!!!!

Good luck to you, and good luck to your kids, the 3 of you are gonna need it---cuz I am willing to bet, your wife has done it with others, this was just a plain out cold, calculated, act.


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## glen_82 (Mar 13, 2012)

Hello!

whohaveibecome, you're right. I realize now that having my brother in my home was bad for my entire family. I wish that I would have never tried to ignore his drug problem. I could have prevented this.

vickyyy, I don't think that he thought of her like a sister/vice verse. They were good friends.

shaggy, I asked her today if she would do a drug test for me. She agreed.

I called my wife today. I didn't tell her that I'd talked to my brother, because I wanted to compare the two stories. I asked her to be straightforward and honest with me. I told her that she at least owes me that. 

To my surprise, she opened up to me, and what she had to say threw me for yet another loop. Here is her side of the story.

In the months previous to Danika and Peighton having sex, she had been getting high.. with him. She said that she had caught him getting high one day, after emerging from a huge argument with me and, in weakness, decided to try it herself. They had gotten high together ever since, and formed a very close bond. Since Peighton was not working, he'd been bumming drugs off of his friends and never really had a steady supply, which meant she didn't have a steady supply either. In an effort to preserve her new found friendship with my brother and, I'm sure, catalyze her own drug habit, she started paying for the drugs.

I'm feeling like a complete jackass. My wife was on drugs and I didn't even know?

She said that during the week that I was out of town, Peighton made multiple passes at her, passes that she always rejected. She told me that that night, she and Peighton were in fact watching a movie. The kids had been put to bed several hours before and they had been getting higher and higher ever since. I was due back home in about three days. She said that she was talking about mine and her sex life to him, (according to her, she never said she was horny) because they had a relationship where she could be open with him about her sex life. I knew that they had become very close, but I didn't know that she had ever discussed our sex life with him. But, as I'm finding out, there's a lot of things that I didn't know.

According to her he kissed her and started fondling her after our sex life was brought up, saying that he could love her better than I could. She told him to stop and asked him why he had been flirting her for that week. Her memory at that point got hazy, but she did remember having sex with him. And she remembered waking up the next morning disgusted at what she'd done. He told her her not to worry about it and apologized for his behavior, saying he wasn't in his right mind and they made a vow to never let it happen again. That was when she decided to get clean. She had let drugs influence her to do something that would potentially ruin her relationship and she regretted it. But Peighton didn't want to get clean, and he didn't want to lose his supplier either. So they made a deal that they would both keep the secret, (she says it was a mistake that they both regretted, and me finding out would only do more damage), but he only agreed with the condition that she continue to support his drug habit.

That had been working fine until a few months ago. My wife and I have been going through some financial problems, so we have had to keep a tighter than usual budget. She could no longer afford to supply Peighton with his drugs and was worried that I would notice the missing cash. According to her, he thinks that financial problems are not a legitimate reason to back out of an agreement, so he broke his end as well and told the secret, to sabotage our relationship for revenge and that he had planned to move out anyway.

Said apologized profusely for what she had done, with the drugs, sleeping with my brother, and betraying me. She also apologized for being disinterested when this issue first came to light. She said she was unsure how to react, or what to say to me and that she was having a hard time accepting what she had done and didn't want to think about it.

So now I'm even more confused. My wife and brother were on drugs, together, without my knowledge. He was flirting with her and threw himself on her. She continued to supply drugs for him and the only reason I know any of this is because he was mad about being cut off! I don't know what to believe, who to trust, or what to do next. 

I'm going to have both of the take a polygraph and drug tests. I asked Danika suring our phone call and she says she's willing. I haven't talked to Peighton yet. I don't even know if I want to talk to him. If I can. After what my wife told me, if it's true, I... wouldn't even have the words for him. I'm going to speak to an attorney about this soon.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think your brother needs to get a place to live. Get an attorney because there are special circumstances so that the rental stuff doens't apply, i.e. there is no lease. He needs to leave. A shelter would be a better place for him than your home.

You can file for divorce and still live in your home, I think I would do that, personally, I don't think your wife is the kind of person you could ever trust again, to come between you and your brother that way shows a huge disregard and destruction of a sacred bond that you built up over time by sacrificing your freedom in your younger adult days. I am sure you might blame yourself a bit for not educating your brother about this kind of issue, or talking to your wife about exposure and intimacy in the house...but you know what, they should have seen the problem and addressed it, not let the situation be and then used it as an excuse. They both had ample opportunity, except if your brother is mentally handicapped or out cold at the time and your W took advantage, or vice versa. 

I think you should stay close to wife for sake of children in the short term, and then make plans to live separately. It's possible she may get counseling, but you can't make her. If she never felt guilty, that's a sign maybe you want to consider wife replacement therapy. There is being human and there is being viciously stupid.

Get a paternity test for that kid before you become attached to it. Make sure you go to a place that can distinguish between you and brother and make your brother foot the bill for that one. As well as legal fees. It will be your last act of parenting - legal and financial and life consequences of one's own actions. He can obviously take care of himself.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

glen, I think it's pretty obvious that your brother is TOXIC, to you, to your marriage, and to himself. It will take years of hard work for him to get past this, if he ever does. You can't be the big brother and do this for him. Drug addicts and drunks do not change until they've hit rock bottom; then they have to change themselves. Painful as it may be, you sometimes have to cut loose a family member for your own survival. I've been there, done that. As for your wife, there are serious and deep issues there. Get the poly to be sure the scenario is what she has told you. Make your decisions re your marriage after that.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Sounds like your wife is a master story teller. You realize she spun that story so that in every bad thing she was the good girl and your brother the bad guy. Yeah well, your brother is the only who has demonstrated any semblance of a conscious so I'm going with his version. I think odds are better than not that you don't know the person your wife is capable of being. I'm also starting to agree with those saying this wasn't her first rodeo. Sorry but to me that story of her's made it worse as regards her, not better. 

And she didn't just magically decide to get clean. Get that drug test without prior notice to her.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

My vote's with Sigma: I smell rats, two of them to be exact. I think he truth lies somewhere between their two stories. 

I seriously don't see how reconcilliation is going to work with you and your wife. Whether or not they only had sex once, fact of the matter is they were both taking advantage of your good nature. While you were out humping it every day, they were using the hard-earned money you made to do drugs and have a long term emotional affair that eventually went physical. They both lied to you and took advantage of you for a long, long time.

In this case a polygraph seems the only solution to finding out if your wife is making this all up or not. One of the questions should be how many times did they have sex, and has she ever had sex with men other than your brother? All drug addicts are liars... it is their nature.

I would not waste one more day or dollar on that deadbeat filthy brother of yours. Lose him. He's a parasite and he has sucked enough of your soul away already.

Go home and tell your wife she needs to make arrangements to stay nights somewhere else for the next month or so. She can be home during the day and take care of the kids, but from this point on the marriage is on hold until you can get your head wrapped around what she and little bro did to you.

No more conjugal relations with her of any kind until she has gotten an STD test and a drug screen, and has gone to several sessions of individual counseling in order to figure out why she has so few personal boundaries. She needs to submit to regular drug screens and attend AA/NA 2-3x weekly.

If you decide to stay with her, make your wife work hard to earn your trust back and get herself cleaned up.

Personally I think you should divorce her. She's a filthy, drug using, adulterous tramp and you could do alot better for yourself and your kids.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Ok, here's my take.

First you need to decide if you even want to save this marriage. For some spouses one act of infidelity is one too many. There is no question that infidelity has occurred here so if you decide to pull the plug you need to know that you have every right to make that decision. It's ok to not be ok with what has happened here. 

Second. If you do decide to try to reconcile don't bother talking to your brother right now. You need to confirm your wife's version without the he said she said game being started. It is possible that their affair was much more than they both will admit. They have had ample time to come up with a plausible story to tell you if you ever discovered their affair. Make sure no contact is in place so your wife cannot confer with her affair partner and get their story straight. Make sure your wife is isolated so she can't change her version of events without tripping herself up.

Third. You wife may be trying to make herself out to be the victim here. She may be placing all the blame on your brother so she can salvage her marriage to you. She has had a couple of days to concoct a story that she thinks you will believe. What you must do is investigate to your best ability and try to discover what you can to either confirm or conflict with what she has told you. Ask your wife if she has any proof that what she has told you is the truth. Make her convince you without resorting to tears and begging. My suggestion is to have her write out her version of events so in the future if she changes the details you have the evidence in her own words. Obviously a polygraph test will be required.

Fourth. You know your brother was into drugs. He should have been gone long ago. His influence on your wife is likely. In moments of weakness it is awfully tempting to self medicate. To resist such temptation takes strong willpower. When you have someone around that constantly says to you "here try this it will make you feel better" it is even harder still. Another consideration - is it possible your wife is afraid of your brother? That said, your wife's story may indeed be true. There seems to have been a lot going on in your home that you were unaware of. Their affair is not your responsibility but the fact that so much was occurring without your knowledge says to me that you need to concentrate a little more on what goes on in your own home and keep your eyes open for odd behavior.

I think you should sit your wife down and tell her you are going to consult with a lawyer to see what your options are. I think you should tell her divorce is most definitely a possibility even if your heart is set on reconciliation. Obviously don't tell her you want to reconcile or you lose the upper hand. I think you should tell her you are getting a DNA test on your children even if you're sure they're yours and/or don't want to know the answer. Don't tell her that last part of course. She needs to know how serious this is and she needs to truly understand the consequences of her actions. I think you should tell her that you will have her take a polygraph test. You should also tell her that your brother has already agreed to take one even if he hasn't. If she's still in contact with him that will throw her off her game. When discussing the poly don't tell her when or where. Let her know if she fails the poly your marriage is over so if there is more to reveal she'd better do it quick. You should already be implementing transparency so monitor her computer/ cell phone/ kindle etc to see if she looks up websites on how to beat a polygraph test. That will let you know there is more to the story than she's admitted. When the time for the poly comes don't tell her. Get her to go with you on the pretense of something else...going to a restaurant, kids day at the fairgrounds, whatever. If she hasn't revealed everything by that point she will no doubt unload on the steps to the testing office building. They always do.

Good luck and read the newbie thread. Relax and take your time with your decisions. There is no statute of limitations on infidelity.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Sounds like a Life Time movie of the week to me.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Kobo said:


> Sounds like a Life Time movie of the week to me.


Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Get the polygraph as soon as possible---you only need to test your wife--If she is telling the truth, then you know your brother instigated all of this, and somewhat blackmailed your wife---but your wife doesn't get a free pass---she went along with all of this---including spreading her legs for another man, in your home, with your children somewhere close by---

At best she has very bad morals, and her decision making ability is horrible----she can't be much of a mother, if she can't even take proper care of things while you are away

Actually you have to decide where to go with all of this, as your wife may be spinning her tall tale, just to keep herself in this mge.

I am sure she is scared sh*tless of being D. and having to go out in the big world on her own, as a single mother with kids, and a cheater label on her, who would now have to go out and work to make her own money to live ---I am sure that picture isn't something she wants to see---so hence the tale you got from her about what happened---playing on your sympathy

Your beef is with your wife, no matter what---she should have had enuff love for you and her kids, to stay out of what she got into---she didn't, and she knew what she was doing---she should have come to you, no matter what, back then at that point you could have helped her out----instead what does she do---she lies to you for a year---and all of this is if you give her the benefit of the doubt, that her story is true.

The question now becomes, WHO is she---is she the loving wife who loves you, and lost her way---or is she a lying cheater, protecting her bankroll.----You got a lot to think about---take plenty of time, and figure it all out

What you cannot do, is become mr. nice guy---and there should be no lovey--dovey from you----no matter what she has to be held accountable for what she did do, and her terrible decision making.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

jnj express said:


> Get the polygraph as soon as possible---you only need to test your wife--If she is telling the truth, then you know your brother instigated all of this, and somewhat blackmailed your wife---but your wife doesn't get a free pass---she went along with all of this---including spreading her legs for another man, in your home, with your children somewhere close by---
> 
> At best she has very bad morals, and her decision making ability is horrible----she can't be much of a mother, if she can't even take proper care of things while you are away
> 
> ...


Glen, reread jnj's last sentence again. If you don't hold her accountable she will do this again. Stories of multiple betrayals are all over these boards.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

So for months and months on end she has been buying drugs for your brother and getting high with him time and again and they only had sex once and she does not remember it. If you can believe this story then you would be the biggest fool on the planet. She had sex with your brother while on drugs with your children sleeping in the next room. If you stay married to her then clearly you are the fool she things you are. For the sake of your children get them away from her.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

You won't know if she is staying for security and laziness or because she loves you. So you make her work her way back to you (if you want to let her). I agree with her sleeping somewhere else at night. No sex with her.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Wow, she took a couple of days to craft a story where she is a total victim, and has NO blame, only mistakes caused by others. She doesn't take ownership of anything.

She took drugs first because you had an argument with her.

She took drugs because your brother was a user and she caught him, and instead of telling you, she was forced by your arguing to join him.

She didn't want to have sex, and in fact wasn't even horny. Nope, it was just her talking, looking for help, and he took advantage of her.

She stopped having sex after that one time, but she kept doing drugs - because she feared him telling you - RIGHT

She paid for THEIR drugs - well she spins it a his drugs that he gave her - but in reality it was THEIR drugs

Then when she couldn't afford to pay for their mutual drug habit, he got revenge on her by telling you.

Notice not one thing is her fault. Not anything.

---

I'd be very suspicious that they are going to remain in contact. They are drug buddies and have been for a long time - they are also sex buddies -though they claim it was only 1 time - well prove it.

Polygraph and drug test.

btw - what kind of drugs was it he was taking?

I suggest in addition you need to change the locks on your house, and install VARs in her car. You are looking for them contacting each other, and hooking up.

They're buddies, they will no doubt seek to comfort and support from each other during the hard time.

Keep your eyes open and watch your back.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Already said but I am going to say it.

Do you think your wife and brother had sex once?

I do not know anyone who goes backwards in a relationship. They got high and had sex. Then they got high but did not have sex. Same crap my WS pulled on me. We kissed. My WS's oldest brother told me that a kiss means they had sex (he was correct). Then she said we had sex but only the first time we met. The rest of the time we just met and talked about how bad we felt. My WS's oldest brother laughed and said yea right, she would have been the first woman in history to have done this. He was correct, sex every time they met.

Once they crossed the line the first time I bet they had sex every time they got high and even when they were not high. It became too easy.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

WHEN you get the DNA test on the kids you have to notify the testing lab that the other possible father is your paternal/maternal brother ....... the lab will look at additional markers, the will be able to tell with 99.99 (10th power) that you are or not the father. The DNA test does not cost much more than the standard test.

You need to get this test, just saying if your wife was willing to betray you with your brother, wouldn't betraying you with others be easier?

DNA and lie detector teat to see if brother was a ONS or more and if their were other men.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Romeo_Holden (Sep 17, 2011)

my heart goes out to you my friend. Here are the facts you need to keep in mind, she is an unfit mother and there is the possibility that she is addicted to drugs she has been using for months it only takes a few weeks to get addicted. She is a liar and she is not remorseful, she would have never told you the truth if your brother didn't come clean. Her story is bull**** she is blame shifting after she had time to think remember that she would have never told you a thing if it were up to her....You should divorce her as fast as you can that woman is bad news and you should get custody too she is not going to raise your kids well not the way she is. Get a polygraph and talk to your lawyer about your options get a recording machine and record her admitting to drug use. Get cameras if you can and keyloggers for her computer and get all the evidence you need that way should you decide divorce her you will be completely covered. Just remember that this involves your kids too whatever you do you got to remember that.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

I could probably out of some miracle take my wife back if it was a stranger. But a brother or family, not a chance in hell. With a stranger you could probably hide the fact from them and work on fixing it. With blood, word leaks out and I would never be able to face anyone in my family again, so the wife goes and the brother goes.

Plus she was doing drugs, stealing from you, just wow. BTW, if you divorced she would never be able to keep the kids because of her telling you about her drug problem. Open and shut case for child custody.

Whatever you decide, hope it works out for you.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Her story does not make sense: _(1) She started doing drugs with your brother because she was mad at you. (2) She continued to do drugs with him. (3) She began to tell him about your sex life. (4) She had sex with him once. (4) She and he agreed not to have sex again. (5) She continued to do drugs with him but not have sex any more. (6) Whether or not they continued to talk about your sex life while doing drugs and not having sex - I don't think we know this yet._

This is what I imagine really happened: _(1) They had a mutual attraction for each other. (2) She expressed an interest in him, asked about his drug habit, and started doing drugs with him. (3) She had sex with him, how many times I don't know, but probably more than once. (4) She began to lose interest in him. Money got tight and she decided to stop having sex with him and/or supplying him with drugs. (5) He planned his exit and told you about having sex with her as revenge. (6) She had time to think it over and came up with her story._

My story probably is not true, but then again her story probably is not true, either. Though I do think her story has elements of truth in it, just mixed in with lies and omissions.

At what point in their relationship did they start talking about your sex life? Sex talk is something you only do with someone you're sexually attracted to. If you're sitting in a bar with a member of the opposite sex who you have no attraction to, you're not going to start talking with them about your sex life, even if you're getting drunk.

Given that she had sex with your brother, and now the story she's telling doesn't make too much sense, I don't see how you could get past it and reconcile.

I don't know if a polygraph would help. Maybe that's something to look into if she's willing and you feel the need to know the truth. I'm not sure it will make a reconciliation any more likely.

If you do want to reconcile, I think healing starts with the truth and I don't think you have it yet.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It is also possible the brother met someone new to do drugs with and your wife threatened to out him to you - and he just did it first.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

_She said that during the week that I was out of town, *Peighton made multiple passes at her, passes that she always rejected*. She told me that that night, she and Peighton were in fact watching a movie. The kids had been put to bed several hours before and they had been getting higher and higher ever since. I was due back home in about three days. *She said that she was talking about mine and her sex life to him,* (according to her, she never said she was horny) because they had a relationship where she could be open with him about her sex life._

So, in the first four days you were gone, he already had made several passes at her, that she rejected, but she continued to talk with him about your sex life. 

She talked about sex with him after he made passes at her.

But she was not horny.

Talking about sex with the man who made passes at her, but not horny.

Was she saying how good sex was with you or how bad sex was with you? What exactly did she say about your sex life?

Does this make sense to you? It doesn't make any sense to me.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

The more you think about this whole deal---IMHO---the one time they admitted to sex, is the tip of a huge iceberg----lets take their week alone---do you really think 2 people doing drugs, and alcohol, with an attraction to each other did it only once----once, yah--ONCE A NIGHT----How many times did they do it when they were alone and glen was at work---they were doing drugs, and already had, had sex at least once, that you were told about, a year later,---they could have done it way toooo many times to even count-------it all adds up--drugs, alcohol, innocent H. at work,,, innocent H, suspects nothing-----Sorry Glen---but I am willing to take on any bet you wanna put up---your brother, and your wife---had plenty of sex, and good times together.

Why he outed her---that is an interesting subject in and of itself---could have been any # of things---but what he did do, was screw up her deep dark dirty secret---THAT SHE WAS NEVER GONNA TELL YOU---glen---you are in way over your head on this one!!!!!!!


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Guys,

Glen is going to be dealing with mind movies as it is. I think he understands what we're saying but at this point we are just rubbing salt in an open wound. He needs our support and a shoulder to cry on now. Let's let him process things for a little bit and he'll post again when he's ready.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction.


Not to rub salt in the wounds, but sometimes the truth is pretty close to fiction, as in East of Eden.

Sorry, but I didn't see this mentioned specifically elsewhere, but other posters talked about the oddness of her continuing to talk so intimately with him even after he made these blatant comments. 

What doesn't make sense to me is how the brother himself changed so much as the story unfolded. I know guys can be very selfish when sex is in the picture, but does it really make sense that he would act so extreme that it made the wife seem almost saintly in comparison? Only in fiction could a guy really be so instinctively cruel for such a long time that his blood brother would never even have a clue, in my opinion. It is obvious that he betrayed the brother that he owed so much, but the story of this obvious debt makes it hard to believe that a wife with even a bare minimum of empathy wouldn't be outraged by the very first improper comment, even enough to really add to her own guilt over what happened. Instead, based on her story, she was okay with hiding two incredible betrayals.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Is it possible the brother outted her hoping she will get divorced and he can have her to himself?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Is it possible the brother outted her hoping she will get divorced and he can have her to himself?


Good thought. He's a druggie creep. That's the kind of things druggie creeps do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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