# Need advice in marriage



## doesntmatter (Oct 5, 2015)

My marriage is 2.5 years old. We got married within few months of meeting (I am from a developing country) and moved to united states. She played me into this marriage. She showed a very caring, loving, soft, happy and good person attitude before marriage.

After marriage I am seeing a completely new personality of her now. In first 2 years we had a lot of fights. In fights she will become angry and will yell, scream at me and will say things to hurt me the most. She will blame me all for all things. She showed no respect to me. She demeaned me in front of my best friend and her father. One time she also told that she is not attracted to me sexually as I don't have a body builder physique.

About me, I am very emotional, soft, happy kind of person. Before marriage I think I never got angry in my whole life and have lot of friends who say the same things. My friends say I am very sweet person. In first two years, I was simply shocked about her behavior. I tried to stay calm in fights and suffered her screaming, yelling and demeaning stuff. I felt my feelings got hurt a lot. She exploited my being emotional by often saying she will get divorce with me. I cried also in initial fights which she made fun of in front of my friend. I was very vulnerable in initial phase and she exploited to extreme. For example, once we had a fight and she went to her home. It was 3 weeks since we talked. I thought okay I should be a bigger person and call her and bring down the fight. Later I came to know she made fun of this with her friend by saying I came on track after 3 weeks of separation.

In last 6 months I thought I had enough. I felt disrespected and hurt. So in last 6 months whenever she start yelling and screaming, I will shout and scream back at her. Then I will not talk to her and generally in a week she comes back and will apologize for her behavior. This way I don't cry in our fights (which she has multiple times said that she don't like crying man). Our fights frequency are also coming down now.

Thing which I am confused is that this seems to be working. But I feel I have made a wall around my heart and not vulnerably anymore. But I also feel my feelings towards her are getting decreased. Now when she says about divorce, it really doesn't ring anything in my feelings. I am not sure if this is the right way going forward? I feel I have become from emotional to hard stoned and I don't like me this way honestly.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Divorce.


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

You need to go to this site and read the articles and watch the videos:

Index Shrink for Men


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think just saying No, and sticking to it, would do it, OP. I don't think you have to yell back.

If you can learn not to let her emotions get to you, you will show her a strength that will make her feel very safe with you.


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

IMHO, she is messed up. She is changing You and not for the better.

Bibi


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Do you still want to stay married to her? If you do you have to man up. She is not respecting you. Time for you to play hardball.

Read No More Mr Nice Guy. She sees your weakness and uses it against you (i.e. you are soft and emotional, your own words). Many women are not attracted to soft men, take control of the situation and let her know in no uncertain terms that she is not allowed to speak to you that way.
When she screams at you, walk away or treat her like a petulant child.

Are you working? do things for yourself, go to the gym, join a club, do NGO work, whatever.Your happiness has to come from yourself and if you love yourself, you will not let he treat you this way.


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Do you want to be this yelling and screaming hateful guy? Because if this is not your nature, soon enough you will start hating yourself for this and her for turning you into this screaming guy. 

Try calmness without yelling. it will probalby yield the same results, but you will feel better about yourself. But you still need to decide if you want to stay married to such person?


----------

