# What is the next step?



## mykidsaremyworld (Jul 10, 2012)

After months of my dh and I arguing non stop about trust issues that I have with him and the stresses of the finances he moved out almost 2 weeks ago. Since then we have had some knock down drag out fights. It seems as though every time we see each other it is an argument. I feel as though he shows me no emotion even though it is hurting me so much that he has left he acts so cold and heartless. I guess I just try to get a reaction out of him.

He also has been fairly open about the fact that he plans to see other people. He isn't helping me at all with the children or the bills and I have been a SAHM. He pretty much deserted me and it hurts because I want our family life to get back the way it was. MC has been suggested but it fell through and we couldn't agree on going. 

I am working on the divorce papers and getting ready to file but I am second guessing myself. He has done some pretty hateful things to me but I still hold the hope we can be a family again. I sometimes start thinking that since it has only been 2 weeks maybe I am jumping the gun. But then I think that if he files before me then I wouldn't be in the best position. 

We aren't speaking as of right now after the last huge fight that we had. He has asked me to do things that he feels that will help our marriage and I have been meeting his requests as long as they are reasonable. In turn I ask him what will you be doing to work on us while your not in the household and he said nothing it was all on me. 

I am really hurt and confused by his actions, I am unsure of the next step I should take. I feel like it is completely over no matter how much I don't want it to be. I have read the 180 article and considered trying it but I am worried that we are past the point of making a difference. Any advice? It is hard for me to be without my dh, I miss him terribly and wish that he would give me some sort of sign that he loves me and misses me too.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The 180 will absolutely help you. The emotional arguments have got to stop. He's cool to you? But you are just about begging him to come back. Forget the begging... for get the arguments to get his attention. What you are doing is not working. So stop it.

Go to the 180. It will help you. And file for divorce. Why are you working on the divorce? Don't you have an attorney?

File for interim spousal support and child support. Also file for primary custody as he has abandoned you and your children... left you with no income at all.

Then once you file tell him that you are open to reconcilliation if and only if he goes to MC with you can he does 50% of the work to fix your marriage.

You need to hit this guy with some reality. Right now he's scott free, has no obligations to you or the children. Let him know what divorce really will mean to him.


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## mykidsaremyworld (Jul 10, 2012)

I don't have an attorney, I tried the legal aid in my area and they informed me that they do not have the resources to help me with my legal issues they said they were understaffed. I called the state bar and they gave me a consultation with an attorney who gave me some information but said that he couldn't help me. That cost me $35 and I called quite a few attorneys in the area and they all want $100 to $300 just for a consultation. My family isn't in the position to help me at this time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does you husband have the money to pay an attorney?

Does your court system have self help web site, etc?

What state do you live in?


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## mykidsaremyworld (Jul 10, 2012)

My husband has makes enough money to get an attorney anytime. I know he has not hired one yet. I live in Virginia, they have a self help website that to be honest didn't help much. I bought a diy divorce book which had all of the forms I needed, and I called the clerks office today and they informed me that they had an information packet that I could get on Monday that will give me the information specific to my area.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If your husband makes enough money to hire an attorney then you look for an attorney who will ask the court to have him pay your legal bills out of community assets/income.

There are attorney's who will give free half hour to one hour consultations. Look for those attornies. Interview them until you find one who will take that route for you.


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