# Where do I go from here?



## chad95xj (Jun 9, 2010)

My wife and I have been married for 2 1/2 years and I have a 10 year old stepson and a 22 month old daughter. I have to say I have been a good father but a terrible husband. I got too comfortable and used to not doing anything to help my wife other than with the kids. There were signs that things weren't good between us, and she told me in the past that she wasn't happy, but I made a minimal effort to try to change things. This past March, it finally came to the point where my wife told me she'd had enough and was considering asking me to leave. After discussing it, she said she wanted to wait till the end of summer to make a final decision. Naturally, I have been helping out and doing the things I should have been doing all along, but I'm really worried it's too late. 
She has completely checked out from our marriage. There is little affection between us, and very little intimacy. I usually have to initiate any kind of contact between us. She hasn't worn her wedding rings in months, either. 

I have no reason to believe she is cheating on me. However, she started going out with her friends more, and that has escalated to her spending Friday nights at her friends houses. I would rather have her do that than drink and drive, but coupled with the lack of affection I'm really feeling alone. I know most of what's happening is a result of my actions in the past, and I'm so angry at myself for letting it happen. I have brought up the subject of counseling, but she refused that, saying she thought we were too far gone for it to do any good. Would attending counseling by myself help at all? I fully realise what I did was wrong and I'm 100% committed to saving my marriage. I appreciate any advice anyone can give an ex-selfish jerk. Thanks...
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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I would really think it could help to go to counseling yourself. A.) there isn't a person is this world who couldn't benefit from a good counselor
B.) It shows you making an effort to improve yourself. Let your wife know that you want to be a better man so you are going to see a counselor. 


I know it seems horrible, but she isn't going to recognize any kind of change you make unless its been a while. She will pretty much view you as trying to make changes temporarily to get her back in, and then go back to the same old same old. Talk with her, tell her you regret that she came to you and although you listened to her, you didn't hear her pleas. Tell her that now you are hearing exactly what she needs from you, you want to change. And keep on doing what you can to make the changes you want to make permanent.


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## chad95xj (Jun 9, 2010)

Thank you both for the kind words and advice. This really is a permanent change for me. I don't know why I didn't do this sooner, but I will regret it always, whether my marriage works or not. She has self-esteem issues going back to her childhood that I think are playing a role in this, as well as a drinking problem. I'm not trying to take away from my resposibility, but I think she needs to get help for it for her own well being. I don't want to bring any of that up, because I know it will only serve to push her further away at this point. I am going to seek counseling for myself. I agree that there is a lot of good a good counselor can do. Thanks again for the help.
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## chad95xj (Jun 9, 2010)

Well I guess my trying to work things out was for nothing since I just found out she has been cheating on me with several guys since February so I guess it's over...
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