# First time doing this...Young wife in need of advice...



## mmadiva (Dec 8, 2010)

So I'm trying to figure out a way to do this, since this is my first time laying out my feelings and speaking to someone about this...so here goes


I feel like I'm ruining a good thing here...a good marriage...a good friendship...a good love...in fact it's great...and it's perfect when I really look at it as the big picture. I married my best friend, where we share our deepest secrets together, my comical jerk, understands my point of view, my partner in crime, always tells me his honest opinion (although I may not ALWAYS take it) but that's what makes him so great. He's genuine and true. He's handsome, loveable, and a big kid at heart. He's real...and that's what made me fall for him,...besides his good looks, broad shoulders, and butt... but he didn't put on an act for me like any of the other guys i've met and gone out with. He was and still is so genuine.



So what's the problem then. Well it's not him. It's me you see. I feel like I'm pushing him away from all my feelings, all of my emotions.



I don't know how to describe it or explain it. And I'm guessing the best way is to give an example. I wake up in the morning, a workday. Mind you, I get up a bit earlier than him because, I'm a girl, and I gotta do all the girl things in the morning. Instead of me being affectionate and loving, when he wakes up and says good morning or walks over to me, and give him a kiss, the response from me...I guess you can say a zombie daze. In the morning, it's automatic I get into a zombie-panic mode (I'm dreading to go into work, I still got to feed the dogs, heat the car up, get work clothes on, organize the room/house before I leave, make lunch) This daze builds up into tension then panic, bc I'm all over the house, not once acknowledging my husband. And sad part is I do it almost every day like clockwork, and without fail my douche of an attitude comes out. I can be washing the dishes and he'll kiss my neck or face, and I do love that, but instead of enjoying the moment, in the back of my head I'm thinking "Crap what time is it?...Only five minutes and I still gotta get this done before I head out."



He's confronted me about it soooooooooooo much. And of course I promise him all the time that I will learn to relax and take it easy and appreciate some moments together. I tried also eliminating these issues even by waking up a bit earlier and trying to have some tasks done the night before. But things don't always run smoothly, and the cycle then repeats itself.



This is just an example, and as I look back on it, I know many might say "How ridiculous are you? Just get yourself organized." And they're right, but like I said that's only an example. I had a bad day at work, like anyone who works might have, and I come home give him a kiss, and start to clean the house, pay bills, etc. Again, all over again, in zombie mode, but a late nite showing, and I see it happening. I completely disregard him. 



I don't know what it is with me, because I never use to be like this. And it's only 1 year of being married. I love him. And I know it's not him, because he hasn't done anything to get me this way. Yes maybe I get a bit set off from seeing a mess on the floor or what not, but he does always offer to help. 



Like I said I don't know what it is with me. When I get in this mode, I see myself as such a nasty and ugly person. And I notice when I get in these modes, it's always because I have so much going on in my head, so much thinking that I feel like I'm going to just burst. He always offers to hear me out too and tells me to talk to him. But my mentality is that guys don't wanna hear about stupid things that are on your mind, and plus if I do say what's on my mind, I feel I come across as a big child, and I feel weak, almost whiney.



My fear is because of the way I'm acting, I'll slowly push him away and he'll soon grow tired of my ways. That's the last thing I want. I have a lot of theories that I can see why I act the way I do, one being where I see alot of the similarities of my widowed mother. She's been alone for 18 years now, and never married after my father had passed. Stubborn woman, but always doing things on her own, and hating to ask for help, no matter how bad she may need it. Also, always holding her emotions in until she can't any longer. Perhaps I'm picking off some of these similar traits from her. 



Like I said, I love this man and would do anything for him, but for this simple task of getting rid of this attitude or habit, I don't know why it's so difficult for me to let go. I don't want to lose him, because by marrying him was the one thing I felt I have done right in my life.



If you read this far, bless you. Any advice would be much appreciative.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

Next time he offers, let him help. He can see you have too much on your hands and once you are both taking on all the tasks together you will be much happier. You won't be in zombieland and will be able to play and flirt back with him.


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## mmadiva (Dec 8, 2010)

Chefmaster, thank you for your advice. As much as he offers, I should really take him up on the offers from time to time. Takes some things off my plate and we'll be able enjoy each other alot more.

And Pandakiss you're so right. Few times, I caught myself thinking, God forbid, if anything happened to him and this was the last time I saw him, how much would I hate myself for not enjoying those small moments in life, just enjoying a laugh and being in each others warmth and company. Always brings me to tears.

We had a serious and long talk yesterday, and how I hate being that way to him and knowing how it can result in me pushing him away. Definately will be taking a "chill pill", taking some action, enjoying the holiday season, and the our personal times together.

I've done alot of talking about it, and as your H would say...time to be about it. 

Many thanks!


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## AWife (Sep 25, 2010)

I know many might say "How ridiculous are you? Just get yourself organized." 

Nope. Here’s what I would say:

Relax! 

Everything doesn’t always have to be perfect. 

You have a good man willing to help. Let him! Talk to him about dividing up the household chores. Just remember to be happy with the way he does it that will likely be different than your way. Maybe he can warm up your car in the morning???	

"Crap what time is it?...Only five minutes and I still gotta get this done before I head out."

Next time let the dishes sit and make out with your hubby for the five minutes you have left.


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## mariem1967 (Dec 1, 2010)

In my opinion your case is not that serious and i am sure you can get over it easy. Why? 
The most important thing that you are aware about what is wrong with you. Many people are thinking that everything is ok with them while it is not and marriages of those people break soon or a later. 
So you have good starting point. You know whats wrong and you know how it should be, so all you have to do is to find the way to fix it. 
You need to put in your head that big picture about your life. Whenever you start panicking think that the big picture is in danger to be broken so calm down and relax. 
Don't break your big picture cause you will lose everything.


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