# Is it time



## isalllost (Jul 12, 2013)

Long story, I will try to be brief. Wife and I have been together 13 years (married 9 years). We have two young kids. She has been having an affair for at least 1.5 years with a co-worker (all the "classic" affair signs and I know for sure). She will not admit to it and have given her chances to admit. She will not cut the cord with the guy. I have been a great husband (quit a good job at her request to be stay-at-home dad; she has a great, stable, lucrative career). I'm not fat, lazy, dumb, abusive, addicted or anything else. She "goes to work" all the time (even at 11:00PM) and otherwise finds ways to get away on weekends. I've done all the self reflection someone can do. I feel like I am starting to resent her (never felt this until last couple weeks). Her and the other guy must be slowing down since she is at home more often now. I guess I assumed (hoped) she would walk away and go be with the other man (he has never been married). Is there any chance once the feelings of resentment set in?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

So...Why are you still with her? 1.5 years and you've known for a while.....Again, why are you still with her?


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## isalllost (Jul 12, 2013)

I guess I thought there could be a chance. I'm not sure anymore. I have given this relationship everything (first love, moved twice, etc). I'm not scared of being alone (with the kids of course). I guess I am just proud. I will have to be dependent on her for a while. I want to get a grad degree and give the kids some time to transition. Also, as odd as it may sound, I still love her but in a completely platonic way (part of the affair signs is the focusing on her looks and physically she looks better now than she ever has before).


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

She is the bread winner and you stay at home. She has been carrying on an affair for 1.5 years and you sit on the sidelines, hoping that she will come around. To me she has no respect for you and your inaction gives the appearance that you don't respect yourself (not good). You need to take control of your life again and either she immediately commits to the relationship or you need to make a change. She cannot eat her cake and have it too. 

If she refuses or waffles, then you need to take charge. Consult with an attorney and find out your legal options. Plan fun things with you and the children. This will give them support and let them know you are there for them. Implement a 180 plan, if she wants positive reinforcement from you, she has to eliminate the cancer of the POSOM. Look to your hobbies and doing fun things for you. 

Hope is a good thing, but it is not a plan. Time too take charge of your life, she can either choose to join or you need to find someone that appreciates and respects you.


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