# Happy Birthday - NOT



## fool for love (Sep 20, 2011)

So, today is my 40th birthday. What a great one, knowing that my husband is having an EA and won't admit it. Knowing that my marriage is over and he has been betraying me and deceiving me. I'm in a bit of self pity mode right now, its obviously a bad day. 

He actually had the nerve to wish me a happy birthday and hug me before he went to bed. He is "trying" to be nice or so he thinks but seriously he just totally rocked my world and not in a good way. 

Such a HARD week, having a really hard time coping.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Hugs to you.
I recently found out about my husbands EA so i know how devastated you feel.
It took him 4 weeks to stop txting her and to admoit that what he was doing was wrong. 4 months on we are trying to get our marriage back on track. Its hard. There are tough days ahead. At one point i thought i would never stop crying, but it does get easier.
But he needs to own up to this so you can begin to move forward.

The folks here on TAM have offered me some great advice and i have sat for hours reading stories and taking in as much info as possible. It really has helped.

Take care of yourself x


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## fool for love (Sep 20, 2011)

Thanks Daisy, I am grateful I found this site too. Helps not to feel alone!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

All I can give you is a cyber hug

(((fool for love)))

and wish you strength and courage for what's to come. This serial cheater doesn't deserve a woman like you. I read your other threads, and wow, he left last year august to be with his old hs girlfriend and now he's having another affair?


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## DeenaBoBeena (Sep 20, 2011)

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, especially on your birthday. I hope you're able to do something for yourself, especially with everything going on right now. I know how it feels to have a birthday ruined.. my last birthday was also the day that my husband told me he was cheating on me. It really sucks, and I'm so sorry.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Happy birthday, FFL! 

I know this is a hard time for you but check it out--you get to start a new decade off in your ife going in a new direction!

My grammy has always told me that the 40s are the best decade ever in life so I hope yours rock! 

As for your H--he's the typical wayward. Don't feed into his wishy-washy-ness. Do call him out on his EA. But don't ruin your birthday over it.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

:birthday::birthday::birthday::birthday::birthday::birthday:

Happy Birthday to you....Happy Birthday to yyooouuu....
Happy Birthday Dear FFLLLLL....
HAAPPPYYY BIRTHDDAAAYYYY TOOOOO YYYOOOOUUU....

just be thankful I really didn't sing that....When my eldest was two, he grabbed my lips in his fist and said...."ssshhhh mama...you no sing. That's baaadddd". I never really knew one could screw up the alphabet song....*sigh*


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## fool for love (Sep 20, 2011)

Thank you all so much. 1/2 hour after I wrote this thread, I went for a ride. Low and behold I FOUND....the Prepaid Cell Phone and the conact of the EA was the OW from last year. He LOST IT cause I contacted her. At first, I did get a bit ghetto....lol via text. But then she called me we spoke for a very long time. 

What is comes down to when my husband gets depressed he dwells on what he doesn't have vs. what he does have. Each time he contacted her (I didn't know about the NC, just learned that here this week) was right after disappointing news. She told him she didn't think it was a good idea to talk and he insisted it was friendship only (she is going to MC because of last year as well).

She told me she should have never replied, but since he was her first love and he insisted it was friendship only and he needed someone to talk to she thought it was the right thing.

WELL, he is in love with her (a woman who doesn't love him and who is holding on strong with her marriage and no intention of ending her marriage). He is in love with the idea of the what if. She as well as I think he needs a lot of help. Until he loves himself he will not be able to love anyone and will not be happy. 

That is no longer my problem, but I already told him, no IC and no Psychiatrist and no meds, no over night visit with kids. Hopefully that will get him the help he needs.

Thank you all again!


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## fool for love (Sep 20, 2011)

Oh I forgot to mention (how could I forget) he took the ENTIRE situation out on me today. If I wasn't snooping, yada yada yada. I told him "I have the right to know the truth because when I start IC I want to deal with the issues and not the I think this happened issues" He had the nerve to turn this around on me for contacting her, and now she won't talk to him at all. 

Sad part is, he is saying he is moving to ME, we live in NJ, he will be 6 hours away from the twins. What an AHOLE!!!!!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

fool for love said:


> Oh I forgot to mention (how could I forget) he took the ENTIRE situation out on me today. If I wasn't snooping, yada yada yada. I told him "I have the right to know the truth because when I start IC I want to deal with the issues and not the I think this happened issues" He had the nerve to turn this around on me for contacting her, and now she won't talk to him at all.
> 
> Sad part is, he is saying he is moving to ME, we live in NJ, he will be 6 hours away from the twins. What an AHOLE!!!!!


It's called blameshifting and ALL cheaters do this in one form or another. It is so they don't have to look within and own up to their own actions. It's easier to pin it on you than for him to see what his actions and destructive behavior have done. It's all bullsh!t.
Happy Birthday hun, you're a survivor. Also, my fellow Virgo, you aren't 40, you are 28 plus tax,shipping and handling.


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## fool for love (Sep 20, 2011)

OMG now there is another woman? His Prepaid phone just rang, the woman hung up and refuses to answer. WTF???


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## NURSE51 (Sep 22, 2011)

Please go to marriage counseling and find about each others feelings with the counselor. My marriage just broke up because he either never really wanted to be married to me, or being married at all.He cheated several times but came back and I took him back. We never went to counseling and I never forgave him for cheating. I do not know why men cheat. But women have a hard time getting over it . My husband never really explained his cheating and would never fully vent my anger. So it smothered and destroyed our marriage I hope your marriage works


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

fool for love said:


> So, today is my 40th birthday. What a great one, knowing that my husband is having an EA and won't admit it. Knowing that my marriage is over and he has been betraying me and deceiving me. I'm in a bit of self pity mode right now, its obviously a bad day.
> 
> He actually had the nerve to wish me a happy birthday and hug me before he went to bed. He is "trying" to be nice or so he thinks but seriously he just totally rocked my world and not in a good way.
> 
> Such a HARD week, having a really hard time coping.


Happy Birthday. May your forties bring you happiness and the self awareness that comes with maturity. This can be a major turning point in your life, a chance for you to decide what direction your life should take now that your marriage is over.

Self pity is an emotion and all emotions are fine, as long as you can deal with them constructively. The danger is getting mired in woe is me. For the record, it doesn't seem like that is what you are doing. It makes sense that this birthday would be sad for you.

If I knew my husband was cheating and he had the *balls *to try to hug me on my birthday, he would be on the floor with his hand on his crotch.  Of all the nerve!


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## fool for love (Sep 20, 2011)

Well, he is out of state and is coming back tomorrow, we will tell the children tuesday then he is leaving. He is moving to ME, 6 hours away from his daughter that have never been apart from him more then 1 weekend. 

He had the nerve to ask me if I had money for him so he can get new tires on the car. I didn't go off but I went down the list of what needed to be paid and that he wasn't leaving until we closed our joint accounts. I also told him we need to come up with a figure for im to start paying right away for his support until we go to court. I also told him he is leaving the Ezpass. He can get his big stuff later. (I know he wasn't expecting any of that). I spoke very direct as if it wasn't bothering me. 

A few hours later he had questions on whom I've told and threw a dig about not knowing where I was going. I repeated his line to me yesterday "What I am doing is no longer your concern". He started threw digs after that. I know he hates not knowing where I am, who I am with ect because he never worried before.

UGGGG I am so angry I could choke him....


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## gradsdad (Sep 16, 2013)

I think I would sit your little girl down and, without getting angry, tell her that Mommy and Daddy can't live together anymore. You both love her and always will. Don't tell her where her father is moving to, let him do that. He can deal with the tears for now and all that it entails till he leaves. I know you will have to deal with it when he's gone but be strong for her. When he doesn't see her for weeks on end he will miss her very much. I was in his shoes, not by my choice. It really hurts when you can't see your kids. This will be his loss and maybe one day your daughter will ask him why he left her so far behind! She may just distance herself from him completely too. Anyway good luck. Don't choke him just let him go.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Long dead thread. Long gone poster.


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

Gradsdad is a thread necromancer of great power. Just needs to learn to read the date of the last post


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!


Three weeks before my 40th birthday, my husband and I were invited to his college roomate's wife's 40th birthday party WEEKEND. The guy had a whole weekend planned for his wife with all their friends and a scavenger hunt and all kinds of surprises. 

I couldn't go because it was out of state and the kids were in school. I didn't know them well so I didn't care to much.

While my husband was away, I thought he might be getting some good ideas for MY upcoming 40th...... Nope.

That same weekend, I found receipts from him and the other woman. That was DDay. Three weeks before my 40th birthday.

I was so envious of the woman who's husband went all-out for her birthday and my surprise was my sh!tbag husband was screwing another woman after 14 years of marriage.

Sorry to hear of your bad day-that really sucks.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Rugs said:


> HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
> 
> 
> Three weeks before my 40th birthday, my husband and I were invited to his college roomate's wife's 40th birthday party WEEKEND. The guy had a whole weekend planned for his wife with all their friends and a scavenger hunt and all kinds of surprises.
> ...


Wow this sounds exactly like my story. Just substitute husband with wife and woman with man and 40 with 41. It was 3 weeks before my birthday. Of course on my B'day I got a text from the OM (he was someone I thought was a friend) asking me to do the world a favor and kill myself. He then texted my WW about how awful I was, and tried to call her. If he had lived closer he wouldn't be living to this day, I can say that much (or if he was he wouldn't be ambulatory and talking, except with the help of medical aids). And people question why I am so bitter???


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