# First love - is it only me??



## Dalayla (Jul 4, 2011)

OK, so, I wanna get your opinion my dear ladies. First year of college I was in love with this guy, and he was in love with me, but for some rediculous reason, we were all platonic. Difficult to explain. Then I left the country and we lost touch. In few years we started to talk again, however I was in relationship. Blah blah, this on and off friendship lasted for more than 10 years. After my divorce, I returned to my home country and we finally met. The stupid situation was that we were alone, and he kinda made a move, but nothing happened, we still just talked. What happens is that when we are with each other, we are trembling like little kids. He is the only man I cannot be confident with, I am just like a little girl, even flirting don't work. later on we talked about our old feelings, how we both were crazy about eachother, but I was working overseas, he was not ready for serious stuff, crap, crap, crap. Anyways, years passed since then too and I am married again. This time, I love my husband enormously, we have wonderful sex, trust is not even an issue. The only thing that bothers me is that every now and then I see my first love in a dream (never sexually). It's like I need to knwo he is OK, I need him to be around me, somehow. But, this only happens when I am on a business trip, away from my husband. This is so darn stupid, it drives me nuts!! Honest opinion is very welcome!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Not a woman, but I sometimes dress like one ...

Because this dingbat never had the confidence to actually act on his feelings ... even knowing you felt the same about him; you have been able to frame this relationship as an 'ideal' in your mind.

Nothing happened. So the sky is the limit in terms of "What if?". The idea of a relationship with your first love is pure fantasy, therefore safe, and operates in a framework of your highest thoughts about love ... where nothing can stand in it's way and nothing can possibly go wrong. 

He is the proverbial 'One that got away.'

Your dreams indicate him as a symbol of safety and security. Not one of passion, love, and lust. Sounds like your husband has that one covered ... which is nice.

Problem in my mind is, he never ACTED. He didn't do what he needed to do ... or quite possibly never thought about the relationship as you did.

Nothing wrong with fantasy, dreams or symbolism. I wouldn't sweat it. Unless ... you find yourself measuring your husband against a man in your mind that looks like your friend, but doesn't actually exist.


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## Dalayla (Jul 4, 2011)

Deejo.. thank you! all I needed to hear.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's normal to have memories seared in your brain but just focus on the fact you are married now and this guy, when there was an opportunity to be together, didn't take you up on that offer.

Move on and be strong.


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## Six (Jul 2, 2011)

Yup... just had an incredibly realistic dream of the high school girlfriends I was nuts over. I woke up with the longing to talk with her even though we have NOTHING in common and it's been 15 years since we've seen each other.


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