# Finances in a new marriage...



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

No I am not getting remarried yet or any time soon, but I can see it happening one day in the next year or so.. 

So this is what has me thinking..

I own a home. We get married.. I have to spend probably 200k or a bit more to fix up the home to do what is needed to make it livable for 4 kids.. My mortgage just about doubles and I loose 2 rental incomes.. 

Money wise we would be okay between 2 incomes.. If I can get a new job for a minimum of 80k a year, between my pension and new income I could do it all on my own without her income..

My issue is this.. I am looking into the crystal ball and I tend to look at the dreary part of things.. Sadly its a reality and I have seen it happen all to often to co-workers and others.. 

Basically, lets say we are married and I end up dying 5 years down the road.. 

Here is my issue.. I have a mother if she still alive and a brother and 2 boys. As much as my Brother might be a jerk0ff sometimes I wouldn't put him out in the street. 

But I can also see where they would think why should this woman get part of the home and I get relate to that.. But it would be horrible to kick her out or force her out somehow. 

I have 500k in life insurance and that would cover the new mortgage, making the home free and clear.. Loosing my income would put her in a financial woes as I know she could not pay for all of this on her own even if my mom and bro let her stay.. So the life insurance would be a boon for everyone.. As the home is paid off and my new wife could pay the bills and nothing much would change for everyone.. But I don't think they will see it that way.. 

So my thoughts are some how to make them understand they would be dependent on each other.. But not put anyone in a financial straits.. 

And of course through all of this my 2 boys are my main concern. I wouldn't want anything that would cause life changing issues for my kids.. EG moving and such.

So I am wondering how can I make it fair for everyone.. 

I was thinking of giving a rolling percentage of the home to the new wife based on half bills being paid by her.. So if the home bills were 5k a month, she would get 2500 investment into the home.. So in the end if something does happen to me she would have some vested interest into the home but nothing where she would kick anyone out and no one could kick her out.. 

Again my brother isn't evil, but he can be a d0uche.. I could see him thinking.. I have a home worth over 1 million dollars and its paid off.. He could live off the rents if he wanted to.. Hes not good with money and I can see him getting money hungry.. 

So I know this might be nuts to some as its all doom and gloom. But I have seen bad things happen to good people because of this.. 

To me its a simple reality that needs to be dealt with and not left for others to deal with after I'm gone.. 

The GF doesn't have anything but her salary to invest into the home.. So she can't put money in to be a partner of sorts..


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## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

What is your goal at the end of day? To make it so your mother and widow would have a roof over their heads? To give your boys some interitance? Why not look into a second life insurance policy and have your will state that your mother could live there until her death, and your brother/widow could live there for 10 years, using the proceeds from the second policy to cover costs. Then leave the property equally to your two boys but they dont get ownership until they are 30 or something like that?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I think you'll need a lawyer. If you want to preserve your premarital assets, then you must keep them separate - hard to do with a house you both live in, where she may be paying certain expenses. A prenup may be necessary to achieve you goals, along with a will and perhaps a trust. You should figure out your goals and intentions, then see a lawyer about ways to achieve them. If your fiancé isn't happy about a prenup, you may still be able to achieve your goals with trusts and the proper kind of deed, etc., for your location.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Do your mother and brother live in your house?? Are they homeless?? Im confused. To me it only makes logical sense that your kids and/or your wife get your house should you pass. Why should the wife be expected to house either of them should that happen?


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

It sounds like you are thinking about getting into debt up to your eye balls honestly. 

I would take a serious look at investing an additional 200K into an existing property. The value of the property does not necessarily increase proportionate to the upgrades. 

It's good to plan ahead in the event of one's death but I fail to see where your plan included money to provide for your children. If all the money goes to paying off the house who pays your children's living expenses? 

Have you considered what happens if you get sick? You are going into a lot of debt what happens if you get sick and your income is slashed?


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> Do your mother and brother live in your house?? Are they homeless?? Im confused. To me it only makes logical sense that your kids and/or your wife get your house should you pass. Why should the wife be expected to house either of them should that happen?


Mom and brother live here.. 

But I can see its not gonna be easy no matter how you slice this...


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

For me personally my main financial obligation is to my kids. I would not consider my parents or siblings when it comes to willing my estate, I was raised with the thinking that parents create their estate for their benefit and their children's.

I also believe that second marriages should be with someone of equal wealth, a big disparity in assets could be a disaster in the making.

In our situation we are both fairly equally financially although in different ways. I own well over $1m of property outright, in my name only. He has less in property but earns close to $300k per year, I earn very little as I can afford to work part time. So I have more current assets and he has a good income, our lifestyle is very good and we both contribute in an equitable way.
He pays the way for his kids, I pay the way for mine.

Our medium to long term plans are to build a joint estate which would be willed primarily to each other with provision for the kids after that. The assets we came into this relationship with will not become joint assets and are for the benefit of our respective children when we die.

I would be very wary of relationships that are not equal financial partnerships.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hardtohandle said:


> I own a home. We get married.. I have to spend probably 200k or a bit more to fix up the home to do what is needed to make it livable for 4 kids.. My mortgage just about doubles and I loose 2 rental incomes..


The above is very confusing... 

Are all 4 kids yours? How old are they?

If you live in the house now, why would you have to spend $200K to fix it up for kids who already live there? Where is your ex? What percentage of the time does she have your kids?

What two rental incomes do you lose? Why do you lose them?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm not sure it makes any sense at all that your wife would be living in the home with your brother and mother. Why would she want to do that? Most people would not.

You need to see an attorney and get a prenup agreement preserving your separate property for your children and I guess your brother and mother if that's what you want.

The idea of you getting a second insurance policy is a good one. what you can do is to make your wife the beneficiary. Then she gets the cash so she can go off and have a life of her own. 

Your other policy can pay off the home, and hopefully provide some cash inheritance to your children. Then your brother and mother can have the right to live there until they pass with the house passing to your children.

But.. will your bother and mother have the money and desire to actually keep the property in good shape? 

You really need a lawyer.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> So my thoughts are some how to make them understand they would be dependent on each other.. But not put anyone in a financial straits...


Why should they be dependent on each other when your dead? It sounds like you are trying to please everyone and lack the financial resource to do so. Where are your loyalties? To your mother and brother or to your future wife? I don't understand why you are trying to take care of everyone? Can't your brother take care of himself. He's your mom's problem and your kids are your problem. If you were rich then go ahead and take care of everyone otherwise asking them to carry on together without you is not very realistic.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> The above is very confusing...
> 
> Are all 4 kids yours? How old are they?
> 
> ...


Just seen this thread jump back up and I forgot about it..

2 kids are mine, boys, 15 and 10 and 2 are the G.F., Girls 12 and 4.

200k to redesign the home to make 4 more bedrooms.
My mom would take one rental apartment and my brother would take another.

My Ex is in her own apartment with the Other man in another town..

I have one boy 7 days a week 365 ( the 15 year old ) as my Ex does not see him and my youngest is with his mom 2 days a week ( Monday and Tuesday )..

My brother is in the process of getting disability.. I have no clue if he will stay once he gets it.. 

My brother and mom do not have the finances to maintain the home if I was gone, Unless life insurance paid for the home and they owned it free and clear... 

@BetrayedDad

I really get what your saying.. I just don't want to put anyone in a issue and a panic when I am gone.. I've just seen some bad stuff go down. Usually because lots of money is involved.. NYC Cops have the heart bill, which means if we die from a heart attach it is assumed it is work related and from the stresses from work and is considered line of duty.. At this point if I died I would get OVER a million from the city.. 

Honestly my biggest concern is my oldest who does not want to with his mom.. I need to see my lawyer to ask him what my son could legally do if he didn't want to go with his mom.. 

My mom and brother could live together in another state, but my mother is 83 ATM and my brother already said it clear as day that he will NOT take care of our mother.. He has told me and he as told her.. He apologizes and realizes and understands we ( me and my mom ) are helping him out with a place to stay and such.. But it is not in him to take care of her.. He would put her in a home and she does not want to go to a home and I don't want her either because I seen what they can do there and she is my mom and has done tons for me..


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Wow, sounds to me like the brother needs to GO. Sorry. Happy to take a handout but unwilling to care for his own mother?? Classy.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Your brother is grown and assuming he is just a mooch and not disabled, forget him. You don't owe him a home or damn near anything. In fact, I'd have an iron clad will that states he is NOT allowed to liquidate her estate and the house she lives in transfers to your two children upon reaching the age of majority and appoint an attorney or good friend as trustee. That way it's not an elderly mother who gets conned by brother, a brother or new wife with potentially an ulterior motive.

He needs to put on his big boy pants. Stop being codependent. 

Sign a prenup with the new wife and make the kids share rooms. They'll get over it. They'll be out of the house and then there will be two of you in a huge house with a limited resale potential due to size. 

If your mother is in decent health right now, when your boys are out of the house, that room can become your mother's, assuming you would be willing to have her come live with you if, in 8 years she needs to.

Your children are old enough to decide where they live so discuss with your attorney what options he would have and if he could live with his stepmother as his legal guardian.

You don't OWE anyone anything except your kids who deserve to be cared for and your mother. Your potential new wife and brother are adults. It's nice to take the wife into consideration to avoid upsetting her world in the event of your death but your brother doesn't deserve SQUAT. Especially for not wanting to help care for his own mother. What a POS.

If you must sell something to expand your current home, sell brother's rental and keep mother's.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Trust. You need one.

Anything you give to someone is theirs. Period. So let's say you leave your estate to your widow with instructions on paying for your sons' college. She doesn't have to do that! Once she gets the money it is hers.

I would set up a trust which specifies how the money is to be used. Some amount for your sons each year until they are adults. This should be administered by an adult to pay their expenses, not $ cash given to them. Specify the house goes into the trust and is available for whomever you want to be able to live there. You can put restrictions and conditions on everything including who is in the house and under what conditions, for how long.

I agree on life insurance for your widow to keep her on her feet to the extent she depends on your current income. You might consider a separate life insurance policy for the sons' college expenses.

Believe that people get weird with inheritances! My grandfather's second wife stole tens of millions from our side of the family. He passed on his entire estate to her with the agreement it would then be divided amongst all the children when she died. She promptly changed her will to only include her daughter. Despite all the agreements they had and all the apparent love/respect in their marriage, she couldn't resist temptation to lavishly enrich her daughter and grandchildren.

Use a trust. Get a good lawyer!


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