# When do you decide that you aren't right?



## randomguy1 (Mar 28, 2011)

I'm asking advice for a friend. She got married right out of college, right after she moved to a new city. She didn't date much once there, but was coming off a wild college life ride where she had many boyfriends/dates etc. She married her husband because he would not have sex with her due to his religious beliefs. He also proposed to her with a very expensive ring, and she said she sort of "jumped into it". She thought she was sure, even though others asked her if she was sure that's what she wanted.

Now she's 3 years in, and she's starting to question her choice. She says she's not attracted to him sexually at all. In fact she says she can't stand for him to touch her, and the times they do have sex, she just wants it over with as fast as possible. They just got done with very expensive therapy that she says hasn't done any good at all. She says its helped her tolerate it, but she just doesn't want it. She said, she thought it was just her, but she's recently come to the conclusion that she has the capability to have those feelings, just not towards him. 

She said she has fun with him, but its not the "I'm in love with you" type of fun. It's the same type you'd have with a good friend. She feels like they make better roommates. Her career choice is a direct clash with his, and she says he often times doesn't "get it" and she doesn't think he really ever will. She says he's very whiny, and very "by the book". He wants to have kids, and she doesn't etc. 

She's said she's not sure she wants to be married anymore, but at the same time realizes that she jumped into it without putting enough thought into it, and she didn't want to just jump out of it with the same course. She says she doesn't want to hurt him (he has no idea anything is even wrong other than the sex issue) so she's hanging around for financial reasons, and for that reason. She's talked to her mother, and she respects what ever decision she makes. I'm not trying to sway her either way, just wanted to get some outside thoughts at the situation. I personally believe its better to get out while its early, vs. let this thing drag on.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

To me, if she is just hanging around for the money she is a prostitute. I rrally hate to put it that way, but thats how I see it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Yeah staying with someone you don't want for money makes you a big time user.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Wow, I've been in that situation with my previous gf which was way back in the day.

I was the religious guy and she got around, dated a lot, and partied.

I got her a nice promise ring and she jumped on it.

Months later, I found out she saw me more as a friend and went back to her abusive ex and that's why she dumped me.

But in this case, her parents got mad and kicked her spoiled butt out the door!!!


Now in this situation, lets start:

- he is a religious man, she is the opposite, party's and gets around.

- he proposed and got her a really nice ring. She jumped on it without really thinking this through because she is about the partying and the bling. He basically bought her.

- Then years later, this guy isn't for her and she sees him as a friend. I'm not surprised at all.

- her profession "Stripper?", conflicts with him, gee I wonder why???

It sounds like she didn't really know what she wanted, loves to get around and party, was bought with the ring, which is pathetic, and then reality sets in after marriage and doesn't like to have sex with him and only sees him as a friend and now divorce. This woman gives women a bad rap and she is a piece of crap for putting him through all of this!!!


Sounds like me way back......


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Sounds like they have little to go forward on and still have a lot of life ahead of both of them to be with more compatible partners. He deserves to be with someone who wants to be intimate and she deserves to be with someone she is in love with.

I get irked by the 'doesn't want to hurt him/her'. She is hurting him already. Hes probably one of the posters on this board - or he could be. Rip that bandaid off. Its not helping either one of them.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

This religious man was very unwise in choosing her for a wife, they are completely and utterly *incompatible* (he wants kids, she doesn't , she is a partier, wild lifestyle before him, he believed in waiting till marriage)... what did they have in common?

Friend or no friend...be a real person and level with her...the FACT is this...*SHE IS USING and lying to her now husband*......and if she has any* integrity* at all...knowing how she feels in this... she will do the "RIGHT THING"...and leave him because he deserves to be loved and wanted by his wife, and she is NOT that person..

It's not all her fault you see, but when people put  over what they really crave and desire in life...and in his case, what was he doing, going after the hot chick....often this is the relationship result and another decent man gets screwed in the process.. Not cool!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> - her profession "Stripper?", conflicts with him, gee I wonder why???


I agree with the general sentiment of what people are saying, but where exactly did you read that she's a stripper? Or is that just something you made up for dramatic effect? It seems to me that the scenario is bed enough without people calling her a prostitute or stripper.


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## pierrematoe (Sep 6, 2013)

OP I just heard from a friend of mine married for 10 years after a brief 6 month courtship that they haven't had sex for almost 10 years and she should have bailed years ago. Sometimes we act too quickly and hang on to something that just isn't there.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Is there another man in the picture?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## randomguy1 (Mar 28, 2011)

She's not a stripper.

She used to be sort of wild in college, but she got her act together. That was part of why she got married (another bad reason to get married) is because it was getting her away from that life. She's an artist, into artistic things.. etc. He's a 9-5er, doesn't understand it.

She's not a bad person, and he's not a bad guy. They just need to figure out if they are compatible, and from where I sit.. they are not.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

I feel strange giving advice to someone I don't know at all.

However, as I sit here 10 years later with someone who I feel I am not compatible with as I would like to be. I say run, run for the hills while you are young and no children.


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