# Separated 6 months no communication



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Hello everyone new to the forum , here’s a bit of what’s I have going on. 
I’m 24 my wife is 30, we’ve separated six months ago after being together for 6 years and married for 3 I’ve tried to communicate with her while separated on and off without being overwhelming she wasn’t interested. We since haven’t communicated the past 3 months. 

A bit of backstory on the whole thing and how we got here I’m originally from the Bahamas she is from Pennsylvania we met down in the Bahamas where I’m from as she was on vacation. We ended up dating for 3 years and then getting married we were married for 3 years. We ended up moving from the Bahamas to Florida because he job required her to move back to the us.. In Florida we were doing fine as we knew no one there etc life was was pretty smooth we got two new dogs had a cute house with yard and made a few new friends. About a year of living in Florida she got another job opportunity from her boss at a previous company who she was very friendly with and it was a very large pay increase but it required us to move back to Pennsylvania where she is from so I supported her and said let do as she said she really wanted to give this a try. So I packed the house in Florida up and loaded a Penske truck all by my self and drove to PA it was a 16hr drive stopping for fuel only. We ended up moving into an apartment which was nice i got a job in construction and she started with this new job.. for about 8 month of living up her everythign was going well.. we’d spend time with her family she introduced me to her friends etc. we wouldn’t fight maybe a slight difference on a few things but never a battle. Then all of a sudden out of the blue one day she just started going out running around and would come home late sometimes I called her as I was confused and concerned and wanted make sure she didn’t gett in a car accident or something she would freak out and say I’m being needy etc i knew something was up so I investigated a bit and ended up finding her at a bar which was very far from where we lived about an hour. She was there with an old boyfriend of hers I confronted her I asked her to talk with me in my truck as I had my dogs with me and I went for a long walk With them because this was driving me nuts . She went off on me tell me she is going to call the cops etc and that I should leave.. I waited a few mins to see if she would calm down but she went missing she ended up hopping a fence on the side of the bar and disappeared. So I left and went home she never came home that evening. So I asked her where she was she wouldn’t say I knew the guy who she was with so I said you were with mike and she said yea I slept on his couch I called bull****..A few days later she said I think we should separate I asked to maybe try counseling and tryed to ask her why she was feeling this way etc. She told me she doesn’t love me anymore she’s not attracted to me anymore and that she was a divorce. So I cried a bit I was very upset and ended up moving back home. She now from what I understand isn’t with that guy but found another guy through friends she knows I recently came back to pa to collect some of my personal which I told an eta of when I was coming but not an exact date I ended up collecting my things while she was on vacation with friends and other man she found Out I was here to get my stuff so she called me and yelled that I didn’t tell her when I was exactly showing up and that I should stay away from her friends and family etc etc and was very mean to me.. I’ve always took care of her to my best abilities we’ve traveled we’d do fun things together and I’d do anything for her within reason we were also just about to buy a house before we separated and I had planned out all the renovations and priced most of the things out.. I’m not sure where I went wrong with her but it hurts to loose someone you loved and sacrificed so much for and watch her become so cold any isight is appreciated..


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Ouch. I think the two of you ripened at very different times. That age gap is just huge for the time in your lives that you met, and remains pretty significant with you at 24 and her at 30. I don't think chasing after her is going to do any good. Rarely would I suggest giving up without MC etc, but if you've got no kids, and you're just 24, then moving on doesn't carry the loss it does for most. Best of luck to you.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

I agree, I think maybe she feels she’s at a different stage in her life possibly but I am very mature for my age and we were always on par with everything I don’t act my age at all and I have a hard time getting along with people my age we don’t have kids but we do have two dogs which I let her keep because I didn’t want to upset her .. I did purpose marriage counseling to her and she wasn’t interested and said it was a waste of time. She also left me with very little money and doesn’t want to split our assets fairly. I’ve recently consulted a lawyer and moving towards the direction of divorce.. she had told me that she had filed . but I looked more into that she had not. so I’m unsure what her thought process was there. but she put a few things of mine in a box and said that the divorce papers were in there with the engagement ring .. neither was in the box but the engagement ring was in our bedroom..


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

File and move on. She’s just your average cheater. Don’t waste another second of your life on this loser.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sorry you have gone through so much, leaving your home and family to be with her. She really is not worth it. Do a hard 180, get a good lawyer, get what you can out of her and then leave. You are still young have your whole life ahead of you, time to move on and learn from this. YOu will find someone who appreciates you and you an grow together, it is not your current wife. Divorce her, she has no respect for you.


----------



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Get a lawyer so you can get your fair share from the marriage. She does not sound like wife material. You are young, although it will hurt now, you will save yourself from years of hurt if you get a divorce now and move on with your life. 

Best of luck to you!!!


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

It does hurt a lot it is very emotionally draining to go through loosing your best friend and my dogs that I loved dearly the other half of my family Etc..we’d do so much together I loved her unconditionally in every shape way and form I just want to make sure I’m on the right track as this isn’t a position I saw myself getting into and I’m unsure That I’m making the right decision.. She also use to be angry with me as I got off of work earlier then her and I would come home and ask her if she’d want to spend time with me and the dogs and go for a walk she would tell me she was busy which I understood but I always asked if I should wait until she was done work and get somethings done around the house her response would be to go by myself.. just making sure I’m not the crazy one in this situation but from reading the other users advice it doesn’t seem so she also said before I left that I had no friends blah blah as I was focused on working and I fixed a few things before I left to go home and she said all the things I did for her didn’t mean much of anything I didn’t think that was very nice as all seem like she became a different person once she was home and on her stomping grounds..


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

This sounds like a typical tribal scenario - you were the two of you against the world while in Florida. No family or childhood friends. You were socially on the same plane. You move to PA and she is surrounded by her tribe, i.e., everyone she knows from her childhood. Now you are the stranger, the outlander. She connects with all of her old circle and you get faded to black.

The age difference is real, but you sound like the mature one. She's treating you like an unwelcome intruder, so get a lawyer and hit her hard for everything you are owed from the marriage. Try to forward focus. It's hard, but you will find someone new, someone who loves and respects you


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

How sad. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Does this mess up your citizenship?


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Spicy said:


> How sad. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
> 
> Does this mess up your citizenship?


No it does not as i had it before I married her..


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So, you can't carry the marriage by yourself. She wants to be out partying and cheating on you. You are separated -- YOU need to take control, move beyond the separation and divorce her. Get a great lawyer -- she doesn't want to split your assets? So,she wants YOU to sit there, with NO money, her being out playing, and SHE gets all the money? She is seriously deluded. Your lawyer will quickly take care of this. YOU need to protect yourself -- she WILL NOT. She will try to screw you over -- she told you not to contact her friends and family? WHAT? Who is she to tell you that. You are a grown man and can talk to whoever you want. You SHOULD contact them, tell them all she is cheating on you with these guys, and that you are divorcing her for that. No need for you to keep that a secret for her.
Only contact should be via lawyers, and push to get this done asap.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> So, you can't carry the marriage by yourself. She wants to be out partying and cheating on you. You are separated -- YOU need to take control, move beyond the separation and divorce her. Get a great lawyer -- she doesn't want to split your assets? So,she wants YOU to sit there, with NO money, her being out playing, and SHE gets all the money? She is seriously deluded. Your lawyer will quickly take care of this. YOU need to protect yourself -- she WILL NOT. She will try to screw you over -- she told you not to contact her friends and family? WHAT? Who is she to tell you that. You are a grown man and can talk to whoever you want. You SHOULD contact them, tell them all she is cheating on you with these guys, and that you are divorcing her for that. No need for you to keep that a secret for her.
> Only contact should be via lawyers, and push to get this done asap.


I totally agree with you as I mentioned above I’ve consulted with a lawyer I am in the process of applying for divorce etc I have spoken with her parents previously I haven’t spoken to any of her friends I was close maybe in the future once I serve her I will speak with them and her parents but at this point I just plan to serve her without warning and move forward from there once I put some fire under her ass so she will understand there are consequences for your actions. She’s a beautiful girl so I suppose she always had her way if definitely say she’s a narcissist and thinks she’s always right maybe this will be an eye opener for her . When I spoke to her parents before I left they said she has done this to her previously to her last two boyfriends as I’m her first marriage. Her parents did mention to me that one of the previous guys put a down payment on a house and she left him too for what reason I’m not sure these are definitely red flags that I hadn’t knew of before. I suppose we moved along pretty quickly in our relationship I thought I knew her pretty well I use to travel back and forward with her to pa before we moved here so this wasn’t a completely new world for me at all I had met her family and friends before we married not all of them of course ..I suppose she is t happy within her inner self and until she finds that she will never be happy no matter who she is with and what she has..


----------



## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Yes she cannot give you what she doesn't have. Love, affection, honesty... Turn and don't look back quit being that pick me guy. You say you were married before what happened in that relationship? Are you just too nice of a guy?


----------



## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Islandguy1242 said:


> When I spoke to her parents before I left they said she has done this to her previously to her last two boyfriends as I’m her first marriage. Her parents did mention to me that one of the previous guys put a down payment on a house and she left him too for what reason I’m not sure these are definitely red flags that I hadn’t knew of before.


But now that you do know, time has come clean break get what you got coming and call it what it is done.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Tilted 1 said:


> Yes she cannot give you what she doesn't have. Love, affection, honesty... Turn and don't look back quit being that pick me guy. You say you were married before what happened in that relationship? Are you just too nice of a guy?


Your right I shouldn’t settle to be the pick me guy at all I’m a good looking guy I’m in shape . This was my first marriage.. I am I suppose too nice of a guy..


----------



## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

No More Mr. Nice Guy
Book by Robert A. Glover

Read it and become someone new.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Tilted 1 said:


> No More Mr. Nice Guy
> Book by Robert A. Glover
> 
> Read it and become someone new.


Will definitely look into getting this book I’ve herd good things about it in other articles I’ve read as well thanks for you input!


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Islandguy1242 said:


> Your right I shouldn’t settle to be the pick me guy at all I’m a good looking guy I’m in shape . This was my first marriage.. I am I suppose too nice of a guy..


At 24, there won't be too many ahead of you in terms of number of marriages! So this nice-guy bit? I think it more likely you've simply been unaware. As mature as you believe you are, wisdom doesn't come just from being smarter or reading more books. It comes from experience, experience that happens over time, time that allows you to think back and process. Every decade that you pass, you'll be realizing wow, if I'd known 10 years ago what I know today... 

The biggest piece of maturity is learning this lesson: The more certain you are that you're right, the more likely it is that you're wrong.

Stop looking for an answer that you can implement and all will be fixed. There may not be a simple answer. And yeah, it sucks, totally, I get that, that all these people older than you think you're not as smart as you think you are because you're 24. I thought that at just about every point in my life. And not too long after I would be thinking how dumb it was that I thought I had the answers.

If things don't work out, don't look at it as a failure. Rather, it was a time in your life that will lead you to something even better. You only get to think like that for a very short period of time. You are still within that period of time. You will be in such a better place for the next woman in your life, if that's what's meant to be.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

https://archive.org/details/RobertGloverNoMoreMrNiceGuy/mode/2up

Read up it’s short and free

You are way over thinking this.


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

No reason for you not to take, or at least ask for, your dogs in the divorce if they are important to you. 

Something about all this seems off to me, but there is no way to know what or why with the info given.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

sunsetmist said:


> No reason for you not to take, or at least ask for, your dogs in the divorce if they are important to you.
> 
> Something about all this seems off to me, but there is no way to know what or why with the info given.


I have spoken with my lawyer regarding the dogs and obtaining them.. as for something being off there isn’t any information I haven’t given and I’m unsure what else I could provide.. I am a boat Captian in the Bahamas and i was more well established there then I was here as I wasn’t here for very long and was more focused on getting established here before getting toys we did still have fun go jets skiing snowboarding dirt biking maybe I wasn’t the fun exciting guy I used to be I am unsure myself maybe she felt she wanted a more well established guy as she’s 30 and I’m a bit younger then her . Her friends from here obviously were established as they lived here there whole life ... Her cousin also is separated from her husband and she would spend a lot of time with her as well maybe she is a part of it ? Her cousin did say to her when were getting married not to marry me to her which I later found out not sure why maybe she was jealous


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Islandguy1242 said:


> I have spoken with my lawyer regarding the dogs and obtaining them.. as for something being off there isn’t any information I haven’t given and I’m unsure what else I could provide.. I am a boat Captian in the Bahamas and i was more well established there then I was here as I wasn’t here for very long and was more focused on getting established here before getting toys we did still have fun go jets skiing snowboarding dirt biking maybe* I wasn’t the fun exciting guy I used to be I am unsure myself maybe she felt she wanted a more well established guy *as she’s 30 and I’m a bit younger then her . Her friends from here obviously were established as they lived here there whole life ... Her cousin also is separated from her husband and she would spend a lot of time with her as well maybe she is a part of it ? Her cousin did say to her when were getting married not to marry me to her which I later found out not sure why maybe she was jealous


So, STOP second guessing yourself. SHE is the one who wanted to be out partying all the time -- SHE is the one who is too immature to have a decent relationship. Didn't her parents say she pulled the same on two OTHER BF'S? Clearly, this is HER issue, not yours so don't start the whole "what did I do" spiral. You COULD NOT have done anything - this is her character flaw. The only thing you did is pick a woman like this.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> Islandguy1242 said:
> 
> 
> > I have spoken with my lawyer regarding the dogs and obtaining them.. as for something being off there isn’t any information I haven’t given and I’m unsure what else I could provide.. I am a boat Captian in the Bahamas and i was more well established there then I was here as I wasn’t here for very long and was more focused on getting established here before getting toys we did still have fun go jets skiing snowboarding dirt biking maybe* I wasn’t the fun exciting guy I used to be I am unsure myself maybe she felt she wanted a more well established guy *as she’s 30 and I’m a bit younger then her . Her friends from here obviously were established as they lived here there whole life ... Her cousin also is separated from her husband and she would spend a lot of time with her as well maybe she is a part of it ? Her cousin did say to her when were getting married not to marry me to her which I later found out not sure why maybe she was jealous
> ...


You definitely right in that regard.. 
as for picking a woman like that she kinda picked me, on vacation we met and had fun it was my birthday a few days later and she showed up and said she was at the airport can I pick her up I said sure picked her up and had a good time for the few days she was there she left we talked everyday then she ended up asking if she could move down there with me I liked her a lot we got along well and had fun together I enjoyed her company so I said yes we lived there for just about 3 years until we move back to the US..


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Stop flagellating yourself with why and how. Its completely irrelevant to reality. You did nothing wrong, so hold your head up and file for that divorce. Soon she will be fading into your rear view mirror, and you will move onto something way better than she ever was.


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Sounds like you are a good guy that got hooked up with a bad woman.

She is not marriage material. The only disappointing thing is that you found out after you married her. Lesson learned now. 

Time to move on.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Tron said:


> Sounds like you are a good guy that got hooked up with a bad woman.
> 
> She is not marriage material. The only disappointing thing is that you found out after you married her. Lesson learned now.
> 
> Time to move on.


Yeah it sucks I wish I would have known what I knew now. Definitely a lesson learned it’s been a roller coaster ride for me with this whole thing. I’ve learned a lot and I’m still learning. Im in the process of disconnecting with her fully and moving on she will be served shortly as I have given my lawyer all of the information needed .. That should be a large weight off my shoulders as I really didn’t want to do this but I had too It’s been very emotional as I really loved and cared about her still having a tough time letting all of those things go even after all she put me through As stupid as that may sound.. I miss having a companion , a wife and a family. But I know there’s good to come and soon all of this stress and worry will be over.


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

You are still very young. 

And there are a billion women out there.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Spoke to so friends that know my wife (My wife doesn’t know I know these people) and they said she wasn’t very nice to them when they went over to say hi she looked them up and down and acted like a brat and didn’t say anything smh she’s very judgmental I suppose.. you’d think at 30 she wouldn’t act like she 16


----------



## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

Islandguy1242 said:


> . I am I suppose too nice of a guy..


Bull... 

your wife is too not a nice woman.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

attheend02 said:


> Islandguy1242 said:
> 
> 
> > . I am I suppose too nice of a guy..
> ...


Being separated from her, on the way to divorce . Looking from the outside in now with the advice from other TAM users I agree she’s not nice at all. I also have a feeling that she married me to prove a point to the guy I initially caught her with that someone ( I) would marry her... but I think he said he didn’t want anything to do with her after her probably slammed her a few times so she went and found this other guy to make her feel better.. I’m sure karma will bite her in the butt sooner then later sad to say these things about STBXW but it is what it is must face the reality of it..


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Islandguy1242 said:


> attheend02 said:
> 
> 
> > Islandguy1242 said:
> ...


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

IslandGuy I am sorry for the situation you are in. As everyone is saying, your stbxw is not a nice person at all - she is a spoilt entitled b**ch! However, what I am about to say may sound harsh but it is what it looks like from the outside:

You must have been one hell of an island vacation fling! Most vacation flings fizzle out when women get back to normal life but yours continued on to marriage for a brief while before it fizzled out. You two sound like you were mismatched from the get-go. This may be why the other woman told her not to marry you (I really do not think it was jealousy).

For Christ's sake, you were 18 when you got together with her (a 24-year-old woman)! And you were a native islander! I cannot tell you how many times I have seen this play out. Unfortunately, you got hurt because she did not have the decency to break it off - her entitled personality made her think she could take her younger holiday fling with her. I do not believe you two were well matched at all. You were too young to know and she was too badly behaved. And by the way, you said you were a boat captain at home - an 18-year-old boat captain ???? I have got to say that you do sound a little bit immature even at 24 now.

You have a lot of growing up to do and will no doubt find the right partner for you. Put it down to life experience and count your lucky stars it did not drag on longer. Good luck and sorry for my harsh view of the situation but I have seen it happen before many times.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

manfromlamancha said:


> IslandGuy I am sorry for the situation you are in. As everyone is saying, your stbxw is not a nice person at all - she is a spoilt entitled b**ch! However, what I am about to say may sound harsh but it is what it looks like from the outside:
> 
> You must have been one hell of an island vacation fling! Most vacation flings fizzle out when women get back to normal life but yours continued on to marriage for a brief while before it fizzled out. You two sound like you were mismatched from the get-go. This may be why the other woman told her not to marry you (I really do not think it was jealousy).
> 
> ...


It’s harsh but it’s also the truth all you said above is correct in retrospective, and that’s why I’m here for advice and other prospective that aren’t afraid to tell it how it is .. I mean it all started when I was riding my Atv on the beach behind our house And she approached me and I was chilling with my friends and some other girls I had met .. I suppose I was a good catch I mean I had race cars boats and motorcycles I’m an exciting guy.. Yes at 18..I have been a boat captian for 7 years now me and some friends started a boat tour company which is top 5 in Bahamas today!


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Lawyer recommended to file for spousal support and force wife to file for divorce should I take his advice or should I file for both at the same time.. wife kept all funds in bank accounts and vehicles had to start from scratch ...


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You hired him for a reason. If your attorney seems good and had good reviews then you follow his advice.

That’s what you’re paying for.


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Islandguy1242 said:


> I have spoken with my lawyer regarding the dogs and obtaining them.. as for something being off there isn’t any information I haven’t given and I’m unsure what else I could provide.. I am a boat Captian in the Bahamas and i was more well established there then I was here as I wasn’t here for very long and was more focused on getting established here before getting toys we did still have fun go jets skiing snowboarding dirt biking maybe I wasn’t the fun exciting guy I used to be I am unsure myself maybe she felt she wanted a more well established guy as she’s 30 and I’m a bit younger then her . Her friends from here obviously were established as they lived here there whole life ... Her cousin also is separated from her husband and she would spend a lot of time with her as well maybe she is a part of it ? Her cousin did say to her when were getting married not to marry me to her which I later found out not sure why maybe she was jealous


You are trying to figure out what you did to cause her wife to cheat, lie, and ditch you. She did those things because her character is flawed, not because you drove her to it. If you were doing something to damage the marriage, the correct way to approach it is to speak to your spouse to try to resolve the problem. Her behaviors are her own. Lying and cheating are the coping strategies of the dysfunctional.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Cynthia said:


> Islandguy1242 said:
> 
> 
> > I have spoken with my lawyer regarding the dogs and obtaining them.. as for something being off there isn’t any information I haven’t given and I’m unsure what else I could provide.. I am a boat Captian in the Bahamas and i was more well established there then I was here as I wasn’t here for very long and was more focused on getting established here before getting toys we did still have fun go jets skiing snowboarding dirt biking maybe I wasn’t the fun exciting guy I used to be I am unsure myself maybe she felt she wanted a more well established guy as she’s 30 and I’m a bit younger then her . Her friends from here obviously were established as they lived here there whole life ... Her cousin also is separated from her husband and she would spend a lot of time with her as well maybe she is a part of it ? Her cousin did say to her when were getting married not to marry me to her which I later found out not sure why maybe she was jealous
> ...


 I have tried numerous times in moderation to speak with her on fixing our problems and what lead her to feel this way etc and she has no interest to even speak with me about it she never gave me a reason why she’s felt this way or anything I’m just lost for reasons.. I honestly think what hurt me the most was loosing my dogs although I do care about my wife as well. I spoke to them through the door when I picked up my personal items and that broke my heart the most


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Islandguy1242 said:


> I have tried numerous times in moderation to speak with her on fixing our problems and what lead her to feel this way etc and she has no interest to even speak with me about it she never gave me a reason why she’s felt this way or anything I’m just lost for reasons.. I honestly think what hurt me the most was loosing my dogs although I do care about my wife as well. I spoke to them through the door when I picked up my personal items and that broke my heart the most


If speaking to your dogs through the door is what broke your heart the most, then why bother trying to fix the problems, there is nothing left in your relationship.

Your wife probably does not want to talk about it for two reasons: 1) she is clueless for why she feelings changes and 2) what she did makes her look bad. So it's easier for her to just not talk about things. 

You need to just let it go. If you try contacting her, she can accuse you of stalking her. She will most likely say that you have history of stalking and use the example of you showing up when she was out at some place.. she was so scared of you that she ran into the woods (or wherever she went). You might not see it that way, but I'll bet she does.


----------



## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Several things stand out:
Her asking if she could move in with you suggests she was running. 

Her college age suggests she was in an extended girls gone wild spring break. 

Hanging with recently divorced friend-often a predictor if divorce.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Wife was served today. Not exactly sure how to feel about it court date is set for the 12th of next month. Kinda nervous about the whole situation, makes me have anxiety.. Hopefully all goes well, not something I wanted to do but something I had to do. Wish me luck any input is appreciated. Will keep posted.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Islandguy1242 said:


> Wife was served today. Not exactly sure how to feel about it court date is set for the 12th of next month. Kinda nervous about the whole situation, makes me have anxiety.. Hopefully all goes well, not something I wanted to do but something I had to do. Wish me luck any input is appreciated. Will keep posted.


Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do. 

Just take it one day at a time for now.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Update as I believe I said previously my wife has been served. A few days later as I was traveling she called me up asking me what I wanted from the whole situation etc. I told her exactly how it was and was very firm with her she proceeded to say that it was all my fault and tried to manipulate the situation and say it was all my fault and that I wanted this which I didn’t, told me that I’m screwing her over and all this crazy stuff she decided to make things up that weren’t true she even went as far as saying for me to move back in and I agreed to and she quickly changed her mind when I said okay the convo went back and forth for a while with her trying to say things that weren’t true and irrelevant I don’t particularly understand what her purpose was aside from her trying to get something out of me that isn’t true to use against me and when I wouldn’t fork up any information she quickly hung up the phone all angry in a huff and puff. I don’t understand how someone can have so much hatred and be so hurtful with their word choice to someone they use to adore someone who use to take very good care of her.. court date is coming up shortly and I’m anxious for the results she has since drained all bank accounts and put them in over draft which is very silly shes I suppose trying to screw me over as best as possible when I have done nothing to screw her over aside from serving her which I suppose she didn’t exactly expect me to do ... she also I believe has been trying to sign in to my bank accounts and social media’s as I’ve had to change the passwords again because accounts have been locked .. she’s just trying to make my life living hell!


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@Islandguy1242, you were only married for 3 years and there are no children It doesn't sound like your divorce will be complicated. 

If she is emptying out joint savings accounts, your lawyers will find out. 

Did you work throughout your marriage?

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Lila said:


> @Islandguy1242, you were only married for 3 years and there are no children It doesn't sound like your divorce will be complicated.
> 
> If she is emptying out joint savings accounts, your lawyers will find out.
> 
> ...


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

I did work through out the marriage..


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Okay, so I’ve been going throughout the whole divorce process for a while now it has been temporarily put on hold due to covid. I’m having second thoughts on the lawyers advice as far as going after my wife for alimony. In my heart it’s not exactly what I want to do and still not sure what to do. I was on a trip to Florida when my wife called me and asked to talk after she was served. The covo went back and forth about what I wanted etc and a lot of it I wasn’t comfortable talking over the phone about. She also basically made it seem like all this was my fault and I was the bad guy in the situation that I actually obtained a lawyer after months of being lied to and her telling me she filed for divorce which she didn’t. I was slightly hot headed when we spoke and told her about her a** and what she had been doing and that I knew exactly what was up her sleeve and that she had a new boyfriend and etc etc and that I’m not stupid and she acted shocked that I knew... Part of me would like to have a civilized covo about it when I hadn’t been drinking no I don’t have a drinking problem I was on vacation.
I’m just unsure weather it would be a good idea to revisit the situation as I’m sure she’s angrier then ever now. I’m also unsure weather I feel the lawyers advice isn’t something I want to do because I still have feelings for her all of this is very confusing . I’ve been doing very well otherwise working on myself have adjusted to being alone and haven’t had any contact with her. Any input would be appreciated thanks.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

She’s also posted on social media about how much of a piece of sh** I am for getting a lawyer etc and her and her friends reposted it etc etc.. I have since removed all of those people from my social media as I don’t really need the negativity in my life as I have never said anything nasty about her to anyone or went low enough to bash her via social media most people don’t know beside family..


----------



## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Go after her with both barrels, show no mercy.
Let your attorney deal with it. That's what he/she gets paid for.
Demand alimony. If nothing else, use it as leverage.
She isn't even close to reasonable.
Make sure Karma bites her squarely on the a**.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Agreed, you are in a war now -- SHE is the one who pulled all this, and SHE is re-writing things to make YOU look like the bad guy, not that SHE was a cheater. Go for EVERYTHING you are entitled to from the marriage.
You are never going to be "friends" after this anyway as you can see from her actions, so don't let your feelings for HER stop you from getting what you should. SHE certainly isn't going to be nice in this process -- make sure you aren't either.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I get you still have feeling for her but consider this Island Guy 

look at her actions for the past year, look at what she has treated you, look at what damage she has done to you financially and emotionally....does that all show how she loves you or even cares about you...she wants you gone...end of story....you need to put aside your feelings for her, because clearly she wants you to go away and leave her alone...so grant her her wish but make her remember you for awhile. make her rethink her actions...this is not a time to take the high road. this is the karma bus and you are driving it.


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I did have a case such as yours, reverse sexes. She was from Jamaica, highly industrious, and drop dead gorgeous. He was an engineering student in my city. She worked her tail off, she landed a job almost immediately (Canadian, and as Jamaica is part of the Commonwealth, immigration matters are rather smooth) I find that there is a difference between island immigrants vs Canadian born. She was very work, home and education oriented, he liked to party. So, she is here and suddenly, he is no longer interested in the marriage. He was fine taking tuition and books, but not six months from grad, and he has left the apartment, has sucked out a significant portion of the bank account and is studying for his finals. So, she is in limbo, and as a tax client, we ask where the new hubby is. Oh, we are not together, he has moved out. I go, "really?" "This close to grad?" Alarm bells, I tell her that I am swamped and that I will need another week. She leaves, and I see one of our PI's who owes us a few favors. I give him the guy, the school, and where he lives. AHUM!. This comes back to me all wrapped up with a bow. It is such dynamite, that my little island girl, is going to make out like a bandit. So she is back in the office, and I casually mention that we took some liberties and had her soon to be ex followed. She stops and asks why I am referring to him as soon to be ex. I just give her the PI report, and get a poker face on. Black women apparently go grey instead of white when they are put into a state of wonderment. 

Our evidence is earth shattering, and all I need is her go-ahead. She kind of nods. I pick up the phone, and tell my PI to serve his notices. I ask her again, and she then grins and says damn him. My PI served legal notice to the university's engineering school that one of their most prized tenured professors was having a tawdry little affair with a student. The professor is called into the dean's office where the evidence is incontrovertible. She is placed on suspension pending dismissal. Campus security pulls WH out of class. He is marched to the registrar's office, told that he has broken university policy, and he was unceremoniously dropped from the engineering programme with only weeks to go. He calls the prof who is now in desperation mode, she has lost a job, a career, and a marriage (hubby was a prof as well, he got the story five minutes after she was let go). Husband comes back to their apartment. He does not know who exposed him. He is in front of the TV when his wife comes home. She asks how his day went, and he says that he is going to withdraw from his programme. She goes, "This close to graduation?". He says it no longer holds his interest. She smiles and says, "I guess when you are ****ing your instructor, the course holds your interest, when she loses her goddamned life over your sorry little ****, I gues there is fallout." He stands bolt upright, "You ****ing told? You ****ing ruined my life? Your wrecked my prof's life? I AM NEVER GOING TO BE AN ENGINEER! What the f...? He made a move toward her, and she said that there were plenty of people who know what you did, and if I so much as have a hangnail tomorrow, I will ensure that your liberty is taken from you. She had her suitcase packed and left for a spectacular vacation back home. (my wife and I have already been invited to come down for a week) Her ex H has applied to other schools, likely he will get in at a much less prestigious school in the southern US. (Not a certificate from one of the leading engineering schools in the world) His ex? She has a degree in social work now, and is one of my referrals in my constellation of professionals.


----------



## Islandguy1242 (Jan 26, 2020)

Thanks for the input sometimes it’s difficult to think properly with feelings involved etc I know I should have ditched them long ago but they come and go and you second guess yourself.. I don’t have many friends where I live and it’s a topic most people don’t want to discuss anyways so TAM has been a great help to speak my mind..


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Islandguy1242 said:


> She’s also posted on social media about how much of a piece of sh** I am for getting a lawyer etc and her and her friends reposted it etc etc.. I have since removed all of those people from my social media as I don’t really need the negativity in my life as I have never said anything nasty about her to anyone or went low enough to bash her via social media most people don’t know beside family..


She sounds like a piece of work. She is rewriting history so that she wont look like the ***** she is. You sound decent but remember she is no longer the person you love(d). She is the enemy so treat her as such. She had no problem making you disrupt your life, go off with another guy and then pretend nothing is happening when you filed. Stay strong and show no mercy. She could be a narcissist and her friends are her flying monkeys. You are doing the right thing, file, take her for alimony and move on.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Islandguy1242 You have done nothing wrong to your ex wife to be. The situation is akin to when a mentally deranged person hits themselves with a stick and shouts: "Now see what you made me do?"

Your wife did it all herself, but she doesn't want other people to know this.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You’re not moving on and you’re stalling. You need to divorce and move forward. As hard as it seems, you register zero on her care meter. It’s just how it is. You’ve put this woman on a pedestal. Kick her off. She is nothing special, just an everyday cheater that has no conscience. Go find yourself a woman that cares about YOU.


----------

