# CanadianGuy update



## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Many of you that have replied to threads of mine know my story.


Just under a year ago I joined TAM. It was about that time that I said I would give my marriage a year. I have read a number of books that people suggested and read and replied to many of the posts on here and indeed tried suggestions others put forward. I learned a great deal about my own behaviour and responsibility for the breakdown of our marriage. 

I struggled with getting her to MC as I had been asking her for over a year and finally lost my cool just after Christmas last year and basically said that we needed to go. At first she suggested I go on my own. I would not and said that we both go together or not at all. We are one of those couples that should have been in MC 2 years before we went and have struggled in MC and about a month ago she said in MC that she wanted to separate. Previous to that she said she was "done" on a number of occasions. I would add here for those of you struggling to get your spouse to MC that my family doctor pointed out that some people are very intimidated by MC or and kind of counselling at all. 

Our last (covered by insurance) MC session is tomorrow. 

We have been together for 24 years and married for 15 of those. There has been no infidelity, drug issues, or really anything super significant that you can point to a being part of the marriage breakdown that we have experienced. 

Our level of communication has declined over the years to where we can not really talk to one another without one of us getting upset. Intimacy and sex has been an issue for a very long time. She is LD and I am HD, no surprise there as any of us who have been on this forum for a few months know this topic is endless. 
We have not had sex since the middle of February. 

There have been some extremely painful emotional experiences for both of us along the way. 

In the end I do believe that whatever happens will be for the best. 

I also believe that standing up for myself and my needs will remain one of the best things I have ever done for my life. This has been a freedom that I would have never experienced had I continued to bury my head in the sand believing that things would get better on their own. If you are considering doing this I would recommend that you do not wait another minute to do it. Don't wait until things are so bad that you can not undo them. 

Some people believe that it is not so much the length of a relationship that determines it's value but the quality of it that is most important. 

That's it for now. CG.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Kinda sucks when you learn all this sh-t about marriage only to realise that it's too late for your marriage eh? We humans are so short-lived yet many of us waste our time and our lives on marriages that don't even work in the end.

We can fix ourselves but only for us, we as individuals. Yet all the hard work with not much pay off when you realise you are going to lose the love of your life anyway eh? Anyways, just popping in to say "join the club" bro


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

sounds a lot like our marriage as well. my wife and me do talk well though, we have had a few rough patches as most long term couples do though. 

it is key to making sure the good times far outweigh the bad. 

hang in there.


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