# Getting married again to a foreign national. Any input would be helpful



## mittens321 (Jul 2, 2013)

Greetings everyone,

I was actually a member of this forum around 4 years ago. I got some good advice that helped me cope with the divorce of my then wife of 16 years. We were both unfaithful at different parts of our relationship but it was ultimately her infidelity and lack of respect that forced me to move on.

The reason I am here now is because I have found a new love in my life. I have only known her a short time which is why I'm looking to get some input. I feel like I've found my soul mate although a few close friends of mine insist that I am making a mistake.

I met this woman back in May at a dinner party. She is not from this country and when I met her, she had only been here for 6 days. We immediately hit it off. She is very attractive we had a strong connection. 

We started dating and starting having sex back in June. Sex with her has been incredible. All of the sexual problems I had in my last relationship are virtually non-existent. This woman goes out of her way to please me. She even lets me do things like finish on her chest and face. That's something my wife never let me do even after 16 years of marriage.

I feel she is perfect in every way. She cleans my apartment, is always considerate, and tries to fulfill my every need. I know this may sound cheesy but I really started to miss the little things after going through a hell of a marriage. She is divorced also and says that her previous husband was abusive and controlling.

Now here's where things start to get fishy. We are both divorced and are only 3 years apart in age. Everything in our relationship seems perfect. I knew that she was not from here but we never discussed things such as her visa situation. We only discussed her home country and talked about more pleasant things

She told me last week that she is here on a visitor visa and that she will need to leave in August to go back to her home country. She says that she will be allowed to stay if she gets married before she leaves. I have checked all the details and it's true. I have been tossing and turning over this and I have decided to marry her. Although it's been a very short time, I feel like I love her and I feel that she feels the same about me.

My close friends and family are telling me that she is just using me to gain citizenship and our marriage will end in disaster. By choosing to stay with her, I am alienating the rest of my friends. I made the choice to marry her because I want to be happy and it's my life.

With all of that being said, I need some advice on the best way to protect myself. I know this feels right but something could always go wrong and this could all be a lie. I posted this on a forum that specializes US citizens and foreign brides/grooms and I feel that most of the answers were biased. When I told people that I wanted to protect myself, they said that I should love her for who she is and that our marriage won't be successful if I don't trust her.

In short, I don't want to be here in a couple years crying about how I'm heartbroken and how this was a big mistake. She I get her to sign a prenup? If we get married, am I legally obligated to take care of her even if she screws me over? Does anyone here have any experience as to what can go wrong with something like this. We plan to have a court house wedding next week. Nothing fancy, we will just sign the papers in front of the judge. We plan to have something bigger and more formal down the line once we save some more money. Thanks.


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

She might be genuine, she may be not. But one thing is certain: YOU ARE MARRYING HER FOR THE WRONG REASONS. 

If I were in your place, I would rather try a long distance relationship first and see if her feelings are still the same. You can always bring her back if you want to. Or, if possible, you might go with her to her homeland and see how things go.

My two cents. More experienced users will definitely provide you with better inputs.


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## mittens321 (Jul 2, 2013)

Thanks. I've thought about putting things off and trying to do the long distance thing. I just figured that if I still feel the same way that I feel now, it would be both a waste of time and money. She has to pay for her ticket to get home. Then I have to pay to see her and vice versa. One round trip ticket is around $1500 USD. I really don't want to mention where she is from but let's just say that it's a third world country. We could probably talk on skype but she would need to go to an internet cafe and that would cost her money.


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## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

You are probably being used! She wants to stay and you are the perfect person to let that happen.

Talk to an immigration lawyer!

WWHT


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

My feeling is that you should be out of her emotional and sexual web for awhile geographically so that you can clear your head somewhat of the new relationship love chemicals.
This is a huge, huge step to be taking and you have to be 1000% sure of her before you make such a far reaching commitment.
She may be genuine or she may just be there for the visa and has taken lessons from somewhere on how to get one. Who knows?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Absolutely have a prenup. No question about it.

Now for the fun, you may run into problems with her proving that she is divorced, the home country docs may not be available or honored here.

This will complicate things for you big time.

See a lawyer, both for the prenup and an immigration lawyer before you marry her.

Depending in the country of origin, she may have to return home for a white even if you do marry her. Find out first!

How has she been supporting herself while here ?


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Okay so you are asking for advice on how to protect yourself not on whether to get married so lets just address that.

1. Get a prenup that is what yours stays yours and if you find infidelity you owe her nothing. The same goes for you tho so keep your Wang to your wife.

2. You probably will want to talk to a lawyer but as long as you don't have kids you should be okay money wise. If you have not had that discussion you should start. 

3. She has to remain married for a period if time for the new visa to take I think it is 2 years don't know during that time you will probably only need to worry about cheating as I doubt she will leave you.

4. Your friends and family will come around just give them time.

5. Talk about jobs is she going to work how does she see life with you? Why did she get the visa?

6. Watch for cheating as in these circumstances it is very common you have been warned don't get played a fool.

7. Books to read
His Needs Her Needs
Love Busters
5 Steps to Romantic Love

If you love her and want her than go for it I don't see how this is any more or less risky than any other marriage. So congratulations and good luck.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

mittens321 said:


> In short, I don't want to be here in a couple years crying about how I'm heartbroken and how this was a big mistake.


Then don't rush into a quickie marriage with someone you barely know.


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## Overthemoon88 (Jan 10, 2013)

Let me just say this ... I'm living out in the Far East. In a bi-national marriage. Have lived in neighbouring countries. Seen enough and moved around in the local scenes. BE VERY CAREFUL !!!!!

Hire a PI if you need to. But then, if you go to the extent of hiring a PI in your new relationship, it just doesn't augur well.

Are you SURE she is divorced ??? A friend of mine got into a relationship with a lady from X country. Initially being told that she was divorced. Even visited her family back home. Then when he set his heart on marrying her, he was told by his paramour, ooops, sorry. Not actually divorced but her HUSBAND was in jail !!! In a strictly Catholic country, she alleged that she couldn't divorce the husband but there are 'ways to get around it'.

Don't mean to rain on your parade, OP. Step back and look at it from an outsider's perspective.

P.s. check her passport. Does she have lots of entry stamps into so called first world countries ?? That should ring an alarm bell.


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## mittens321 (Jul 2, 2013)

Woah so I didn't consider that she probably wasn't divorced back home. Is there anyway possible I could find out (without going there in person). She has acted as if she didn't want to go back home although I don't blame her after some of the stories she has shared.

As far as work, she has been working at a restaurant. It is under the table. She is living here with another woman who was a friend long ago back home. The plan was for her to move in with me after we get married. I was going to support her and she wanted to take some classes.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

So stay at home and live off you? Right not judging just asking. What about kids? She got some or not? She want some or not? How about you?


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## Overthemoon88 (Jan 10, 2013)

Take it from someone who lives out here. Even falsified documents are very easy to procure. Corruption is rife. My best man who tried to get his wife's 14 year old sister into the country on a maid's visa (ha!!!) so that SIL can stay legally to take care of their newborn. The application was rejected because minimum age requirement was 22 (if my memory is correct). So, SIL went home and came back with a new passport and her age is, voila!, 23


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## mittens321 (Jul 2, 2013)

I have 3 children from my last marriage. She says that she doesn't have any children. Thinking about things more closely, I'm starting to feel that something isn't right.


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## Overthemoon88 (Jan 10, 2013)

Not trying to deter you, Mittens, but please do think carefully. Do not act out of rebound or based on sexual chemistry.

Remember - should anything were to happen if M goes pear shape (heaven forbids), an inter-national D can get pretty messy and costly. I am going through one right now. With possibilities of having to apply to the court to serve papers broad, getting a temporary injunction to prevent the child from being taken out of the country etc. My 'basic' legal bill now is ONLY GBP 20,000 

Bi-national marriages DO work, as I can testify from the happy stories of my friends. But ONLY if the two partners to the marriage start off on an equal footing.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

mittens321 said:


> The plan was for her to move in with me after we get married. I was going to support her and *she wanted to take some classes*.


Aside from you supporting her, the red flag for me would be her mentioning the desire to "take some classes". I fear she has already taken some classes, this friend from long ago is her teacher, and you are the homework.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Wow.

First off, let me just say that motives are very multifaceted things. She might want a visa, want to stay in America, want to be rich *and still have feelings for you.*

So there is no easy answer here, ke-mo sah-be.

But let's also be realistic: Has she really had the time to develop more than superficial feelings? It's been TWO MONTHS! So I am sure she has a measure of affection...but it is likely driven by the other motives. She is under the hammer here and oh look, she's screwing you like a nymphomaniac on meth. Do you THINK that is her natural state?

What does HER apartment look like? Is it also spotless clean? No? Want to take a guess at how quickly the Betty Crocker routine will end? Do you think she wants to spend the next 30 years screwing you like a nymphomaniac on meth? Probably not.

YOU sir, are getting the façade. This is the whole 'I'm such a wonderful date' thing. What is the name of her family? Where does she live? Tell me four things about her childhood. Who was she married to and was it an arranged marriage or a love marriage?

As noted by someone else, you like having a maid and a mistress and are willing to trade a ring for that. Okay...You won't be the first guy to decide to do that. WHEN (not if) she starts to slack in those areas, are your feelings of contentment and satisfaction going to last?

No, I can tell you that they will not.

Now...such marriages CAN work. I can also tell you from my experience knowing a number of interracial/cultural marriages that the odds aren't good. And I can tell you that from what you know about her (nothing) and what she knows about you (a little more) that IF you make a go of it, it will be a PAINFUL PAINFUL experience which will take a lot of willpower to tough out.

I've seen it done. But even then, the example I know had a hell of a lot more time together than 2 months.

I would have a conversation with her about annulments. That if some kids start to pop up, you'll get one if she doesn't come clean (one guy I know had FOUR kids pop out of the woodwork one at a time after he got married and as he was stepping deeper and deeper into the swamp).

I'd at least make her go to the trouble of getting a divorce certificate. This is to protect YOU. If she's lying, you can at least show the INS that you made a good faith effort.

BTW, the INS? They will look at your circumstances with JADED JADED eyes. Do not expect a rubber stamp of her visa.

My wife's co-worker (Russian) married a guy...started dating...ran off with her boyfriend and wondered why the hell he called the INS on her when she did so.

You need to have realistic expectations of what you will get from her. She ALSO needs to have realistic expectations at what she will get from you.

If you have a kid with her, don't be surprised if she disappears. Sorry.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You can read on this board.
Women use their sexuality to attract a man to marry them.
Don't be suprised when your semen becomes gross about 1 day after the wedding.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you were building a house, it would be cheaper to skip the permits, site survey and ground sampling, the foundation, and just toss up four walls and stick a roof on it. Marriage is the single most important financial decision you will ever make. A plane ticket is a paltry $1500. What are the potential risks of marrying a woman you know nothing about other than sex is great with her? Might it change your eagerness if you learned her brother was heavy with the Columbian Cartel, the Russian Mafia, or some other international criminal organization? Would it matter if you learned she had six or seven previous American husbands or fiance's? Let her go home and get to know her over the internet. If you start getting hit up with requests for money, you'll have a good idea what this is all about. If, after several months, you don't see red flags, go to her country and get to know her and her family. The best way to know anyone is to understand their family. Discuss money, child rearing, religion, expectations, values, and then you'll have some idea of what you're getting into.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

You are moving way too fast. Slow it down and do the long distance thing. You will find out really fast if she really loves you or is just a good actress. 

If she really does love you, it's time and money well invested.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Even if she's 100% genuine, marrying someone from another country is a mistake. WIll you be willing to move to her third world hell-hole once she gets homesick? Willing to fly both of you back and forth 2 times a year? Willing to let her visit "home" without you for 6 weeks at a time? Be willing to put up with her family members who are visiting to cure her of her homesickness? There are millions of women available that are from your home country. Thousands available within a short car ride. Find one of them. It was fun, but end it.

And that's if she's SINCERE!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

My ex married a foreign national in about the same situation as you describe. Married after knowing each other less than 6 months, engaged after 2. Only time will tell if her intentions are true but I really doubt it. The path to US citizenship is so highly sought after for some people that they will do anything to get it. 

The reasons you give to want to spend the rest of your life with her do seem superficial and like "new love". Give yourself some time and I do think long distance for now would really show her true intentions. It seems extremely odd that she mentioned her visa expiring right before it was going to and then mention marriage. Just seems very "coincidental". 

I am in a long distance relationship with a foreigner. But the visa/green card thing has been discussed countless times and I know without a doubt I am not being used for my citizenship. Not that we have discussed marriage, but have discussed a LTR once he is back in the U.S. You seem to be jumping in pretty fast without knowing that much about her life back home other than a few stories. Usually the whole visa thing and familiy/home life comes up, especially if you are considering a serious, committed relationship with someone. 

What is your gut telling you? That something is off?


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> Absolutely have a prenup. No question about it.
> 
> Now for the fun, you may run into problems with her proving that she is divorced, the home country docs may not be available or honored here.
> 
> ...


My son has been dating a Canadian for the last 3 years. Per her, if they got married, she would have to return home for 9 months before she could move back here.


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