# For BWs only (sorry guys, ladies only)



## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

It would seem that more wives than husbands are able to cope and overcome the mind movies of their husbands having sex with the OW.

Was there something you did that helped your mind find rest from them?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Divorce


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

No. Never. Probably because I found his style of infidelity (sexting, cybersex, trolling adult chatrooms and "hook up" apps on his phone, with his stupid **** hanging out while sitting in the fu**ing living room while our kid was asleep in the next room) far more disgusting than if he'd have just had sex with someone. 

Actually, the times he did have sex with someone else that I knew about, I wasn't phased much. He wasn't home while I slept in another room, and he wasn't putting his daughter at risk of trauma by seeing him being disgusting that way (don't get me wrong, I'm pro-masturbation, but not his way).


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Dogbert said:


> It would seem that more wives than husbands are able to cope and overcome the mind movies of their husbands having sex with the OW.
> 
> Was there something you did that helped your mind find rest from them?


Still haven't found rest from them. Not sure I ever will.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

More women than men may choose to R but that doesn't mean we get over the mind movies. 

I didn't get over them until I divorced him 30 years after Cheating Incident 1 (Cheating Incident 2 -- with the same OW -- wasn't physical but only because she was several states away by then).

But I'm pleased to report that now they're gone -- because I no longer care. And, yes, I'm thrilled they are.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Oh my Dogbert who ever told you we were able to get over the mind movies easier than you guys. Lets see its been 13 yrs now and I can tell you word for word what she said to him when she first to him asked him to have sex with her. Oh no Dogbert there is no magic method just strong will and determination to let it go and not let it control your mind any more.


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## Of A Certain Age (May 14, 2014)

I reconciled with my husband after he had a long term affair 5 years ago. We have been married 23 years. At first, the mental movies of him having sex with her were horrible. They occurred like flashbacks in an uncontrollable manner, often when we were having sex (or trying to.) They gradually occurred less often but I'm not sure why. 

Of more concern to me now, is the fact that I still have frequent flashbacks about everything else from that time. Not the sex (although its related to sex b/c its about his affair) but the lies and humiliation and betrayal. The fact that he spent our 18th anniversary screwing another woman, and the extreme contempt and hate he must have felt for him to do such a thing. The lies before and after. 

I do KNOW that if the situation had been reversed, he would not have been able to 'get over it' and he would not have been willing to forgive or reconcile. He probably would've taken an ad out in the newspaper to tell the world what a horrible person I was.


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

I still deal with them every day. At this point I don't see that ever stopping. It's horrible.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

I deal with them daily. I actually saw the movies and they were not just imagined in my mind. She made plenty of porn for him plus they made a porn vid together. That is what plays over in my mind, not the imagined things they did together but the real things they did and then her replay emails about the events afterward. I think she sent recaps so he could never deny it actually happened. I just wish her hold on him was stronger than mine was.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

pollywog said:


> I deal with them daily. I actually saw the movies and they were not just imagined in my mind. She made plenty of porn for him plus they made a porn vid together. That is what plays over in my mind, not the imagined things they did together but the real things they did and then her replay emails about the events afterward. I think she sent recaps so he could never deny it actually happened. I just wish her hold on him was stronger than mine was.


Holy $hit! You sound like the female version of morituri.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

The reconciliation process - heavy lifting, changing habits, etc - coupled with time (almost 2 years since d day) has helped some. I think making New memories, strengthening our relationship, and me becoming a more confident, well-rounded person (push my boundaries, pursuing new degree, switched to higher-paying job, invested time in hobbies, etc) has also been a big help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Dogbert said:


> It would seem that more wives than husbands are able to cope and overcome the mind movies of their husbands having sex with the OW.
> 
> Was there something you did that helped your mind find rest from them?


Wouldn't you like to hear from guys who've managed thsi feat as well?


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Thundarr said:


> Wouldn't you like to hear from guys who've managed thsi feat as well?


Yeah of course but by giving the ladies a chance to express their thoughts and feelings on this thread, they won't become drowned in too many male comments.


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## 'CuseGal (Feb 5, 2015)

My ex cheated on me for years - pretty much our whole marriage - but I didn't find out until he actually lost his job because of one particular instance. I made the mistake of staying with him for far too long after that. I think part of the reason I was able to stay, though, was because I never had the problem of "mind movies." I don't think it ever happened once.

Where I did have a problem, though, was trying to forget some of the horrific pornography videos I found on our computer at one point. They were absolutely disgusting and stayed in my mind for a really long time. Maybe that means I'm just a more visual person - I was more bothered by the porn that I saw than the affairs that I didn't actually "see."


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