# wife wanted it over, so why the fancy clothes?



## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

My wife and I signed our dissolution papers today. It was the first time we have seen each other in over a month. We separated about 6 months ago. Didn't see each other for four months. Did a one month "reconciliation" filled with mistrust and strangely a few moments of true love/emotion. Finally she told me it was over.

I am coming to terms with things slowly. I realize my mistakes. Over the summer I became distant and at times mean (largely because of her mother...more on that in a minute)I am trying to view this process as a death, that way I won't think about her any longer.

My mother-in-law hates men, hates her husband and found a way to try and play a major role in ever aspect of our marriage (even where we should take OUR vacations). During our "reconciliation" my wife talked about "finally telling my mom she needs to change her attitude towards you" and that "its my life mom!" etc, etc. My wife is an only child and funny enough, her telling me it was over for good, was just a few days before the planned sit-down with her mom.

I just have one question: If my wife is the one who has been pushing for the dissolution since the summer, why is SHE the one that has A) put on 30 lbs, B) let her hygiene go, and C) when we met to sign the papers she was dressed up more than I have ever seen her even when we were dating (dress, makeup, earings, new coat, etc.). She sat there while we waited playing with her cell phone and laughing to herself.

I know I shouldn't care, and its probably not even healthy to ask and speculate, but why is the woman who left me acting the way I should be acting? Shouldn't I be the one gaining weight(Ive actually lost 25)? Shouldn't have I been the one to show up to the lawyer's office trying to make a grand entrance/scene?

Im not trying to dream about getting back together or anything, but part of me would feel better knowing she is miserable too.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I have five Ben Franklins it is a facade. And to extend it, were tears shed in her car after it was done.


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Different people handle stress and depression in different ways. She put on 30lbs. You lost 25. Stress is affecting both of your eating habits. 

Knowing she is miserable won't make you feel any better. Want revenge? Start feeling better about you by focusing on you. Be healthy. Move on. Don't let her drag you down. Take your power back.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She's acting like her life is better now. She has to because she caused the divorce. She will not admit that she's not happy with her own decision.

Her sitting there laughing to her self tells me it was an act. Who sits around laughing to themself in the real world?


----------



## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

Im not sure if tears were shed, but I do know that as soon as I walked away she was on the phone...and there is only one person it could have been: her mom.

She admitted to me during the "reconciliation" that she had looked at pictures of us every night and cried (she was living with her mom). Also, during the "reconciliation" she admitted to me that she was afraid to tell her mom we were trying to work things out.


----------



## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

i appreciate everyone's comments. I know you are right that the best revenge is to live well. I hope I am at that point soon...Ill admit that since it hasn't even been 24 hours (and we still have to go before the judge in 2 months) I am weak and want her to be sad. I guess its good that I at least know what the proper emotions should be...just trying to get there


----------



## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

ConfusedInMichigan said:


> Im not sure if tears were shed, but I do know that as soon as I walked away she was on the phone...and there is only one person it could have been: her mom.
> 
> She admitted to me during the "reconciliation" that she had looked at pictures of us every night and cried (she was living with her mom). Also, during the "reconciliation" she admitted to me that she was afraid to tell her mom we were trying to work things out.


She chose her mom over you. Of course she is miserable. She is still a child.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Sounds to me if you eliminate the momma in law, the two of you might sit down and....talk. Her mother is toxic to the 3rd power.


----------



## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> Sounds to me if you eliminate the momma in law, the two of you might sit down and....talk. Her mother is toxic to the 3rd power.


well, her mom has little to no contact with her own brothers and sisters AND locks her self in her room when she is mad at my father-in-law. She also, upon staying at MY house once, locked herself in the guest bedroom because I watched football instead of watching a movie with her. My wife of course, told me I should apologize, but that her mom was "wrong"


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

If your wife and yourself decide to try to work things out, I suggest MC. As for the momma in law, I STRONGLY suggest she get counseling yesterday.


----------



## N8vee (Nov 4, 2012)

How do you know she locked herself in the bedroom? Hear the lock click? or go checking up on her? I'm confused. 

The whole looking at the cell-phone thing and acting happy is pretty funny, my stbxw did the same thing. I think she actually likes to be on her phone (not talking, but texting and FBing) more than talking to people in reality. 

I think it was one of the things that bothered me most up until the end of things with her.


----------



## Serenity_Prayer (Oct 31, 2012)

Even if you move 1,000 miles away, your mother-in-law will be there. Your STBX is just like her, childish.


----------



## timeforpain (Apr 29, 2012)

Sadly, your wife is still probably trying to please/impress/gain-approval-from her mother, and your mother in-law has probably been trying to sabotage your marriage since before it started. You were unwittingly engaged in a losing battle from the start, my friend.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

T4P is right. The mother in law is like a drug your W is addicted to. Until she kicks the habit.......it will be a losing battle. How old is she?


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Reading your OP I get the impression that you and your wife are both followers. She filled the leadership vacuum when it should have been you.


----------



## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> T4P is right. The mother in law is like a drug your W is addicted to. Until she kicks the habit.......it will be a losing battle. How old is she?


My stbex is 30. The mother is late 60s early 70s.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

N8vee said:


> How do you know she locked herself in the bedroom? Hear the lock click? or go checking up on her? I'm confused.


I saw it with my own eyes twice: once at their house and once at mine. Door locked, people knock and get no response, she wont answer her cell phone. The time at their house was because my father in law didn't want to do something that she did and she didn't come out until after about 7 or 8 hours when he eventually agreed to go where she wanted to go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Mine acts as if her smart phone is her heart and soul. Tied to it to the point where it is more enslavement. Technology is like machines, useful but to an extent. With her being 30 there may be a good chance her ways will not change. Dad always told me, want to see your g/f 25 years later, look at the mom. You don't like her mom, take the hint.


----------



## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

Yeah, she became more and more like her mom during the separation. I am actually glad she did that as it helped me to see the crazy. I did plenty of things wrong, and no one is perfect. I just need to stop fantasizing about the day she realizes her mom has ruined her life. At least Im not fantasizing about her coming back though. Its still not healthy.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

You're seeing the truth without the smoke n mirrors. It took me awhile to see that too. As each day passes, I ask myself more, do you even want to work it out? In your case, as she and her mother always feel as if they should get what they want....be careful if she decides to try and smooth things over. Watch her actions....you will see the real her without the mask. As for her mom's H, drag him out to the nearest bar and buy him a fifth of Scotch. Tell him to grow a set of nads. If you want to see how you will be in thirty years, look at your father in law. Want that? lol i didn't think so!


----------

