# Think I reached the acceptance phase...



## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Yes, I think I finally got to that phase for a couple of weeks.

I have been remembering things that just tell me "you don't deserve it" and feeling/thought keeps in my mind. As for example... - He was a H that when we were coming back home at night didnt go after me, I was left behind since he drives faster. - Can't remember a single time he talked about our future - Doesnt like the things I like; which can be ok, but didnt make a single effort to join me which I always tried to do until about a month before we separated - Got mad at me because I was slower than him climbing/coming down up/down a volcano trip - If I got angry at something he yelled "DONT YELL TO ME LIKE THAT!!!" - I said I would like to visit my daughter abroad if she decided to raise her family in another country... he said that it was not of his interest to go - 2 stays at the hospital without his visitatitions - I did go alone to visit my kids abroad without him - I did go to a dream trip and told him by phone I would love to celebrate our 25th anniversary there... silence... - Once we went to a concert and I passed out in bed after returning; he told me after like 2 months when I asked what was wrong with our sex life that he was not happy with our sex life because I wasn't "available" during that night ... - And much more to add during these 2 years of separation.

Not blaming him but me partially for letting it all going through. He was not into the M as I was. I took my roles as mom, wife, business woman very seriously, but that was ME. He might be going otherway. 

Just today, I had to go and make line for 4 hours for a car name change which he did for the other cars of the company but didnt include mine... his feeling at the time? I dont know, but means something. 

SO...

I am really getting tired, or already got. To the point where I am ready to sign those papers now, unfortunately there is still one more month to go. 

I found out what I have been missing is the company of someone, the "marriage" status. But not him.

Care about him? Yes. But not as a husband. 

I just hope I have the opportunity in my life to have the experience of enjoying a reciprocate relationship; cause what I have had is a codependence relation.

Have a great weekend!


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Such growth, Bluebirdie! I'm happy you have come to this realization.
I know that from time to time I am reminded how happy I am that I am no longer in my dysfunctional marriage, although I question whether I'll ever get into another serious relationship.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Thank you Pluto2! I am feeling different. Lately the times I go to sleep/wake up thinking about the situation are becoming less... little by little; and when it happens the feeling is different; like accepting it but to be the best for me, not as before when I felt sad and wanted to go back and think what changes I could have made, etc... 

I also question if I will ever get into another relationship, but hope I will one day. Not feeling ready yet; but part of me wants to feel what is it like to live a different reciprocate caring relation. Time will tell.

In the meantime, keep working on myself enjoying life as much as I can knowing me, working on my small business and building new dreams.


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## Lynnie1981 (Nov 9, 2014)

You're doing great Blue! I myself am still going through separation. Although my husband never asked me for a divorce. But, I am thinking about moving forward and putting my past with my husband behind.I continue to read others blogs and it does give me a sense of hope that I'll get through it, i tell myself all the time "being alone is okay"  Wish u the best Blue. Take care of yourself and keep us updated. This site is very supportive of others and I'm glad to have found this site.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Thank you Lynnie! I wish you all the best. There are blue days and so so days at the beginning. What I have discovered is that we have to allow ourselves to feel and grieve. 

Just today I saw him for an endorsement he was doing to me. It was a 2 hour meeting with his aunt (our lawyer) and my sister... lol... funny group huh? ... I have to be sincere... at first I thought I didnt care about it, then after showering I was doing my hair as usual and it passed my mind to curl it a little (as he liked it).....NO WAY... that feeling got away inmediately. Then after getting there and of course feeling my face hot for minutes I was myself and didnt care about him... no butterflies, no nothing... weird but guess fair after 2 years. 

Time went and I had to leave (not before hearing him complaining about how late it was and me having to do a manual letter since he rejected to do it... same stubborn man I know he is)... so said bye. Then the game changed and he asked if I wanted to see his new car since I am changing mine, said ok. Walking to it I mentioned I was short some $ to get the one I want and his aunt said "perhaps stbxh could help you (in front of him)" and he answered "sure, why dont you go and ask my brothers if they can help you; after all you did for them"... I stayed silent. No need to answer to that silly suggestion.... don't know and to be sincere don't care anymore. I will manage.

Life is full of changes, things dont always end up the way we think they will, everything has an end... I am now sure of that.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Here is some insight I gave another.

"We are creatures of habit, it breeds comfort. Your out of your comfort zone and learning to adapt and deal with your new reality."

You are forging a new life, creating new habits, and you want to be independent. You are taking control of your life, and shaping it to the best of your ability. Sounds like your doing well.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Here is some insight I gave another.
> 
> "We are creatures of habit, it breeds comfort. Your out of your comfort zone and learning to adapt and deal with your new reality."
> 
> You are forging a new life, creating new habits, and you want to be independent. You are taking control of your life, and shaping it to the best of your ability. Sounds like your doing well.


 Yes! I think I am doing it finally!!!!

Just got a call to MY home phone asking for him; didn't care to ask who was calling. Just told the lady "He doesnt live here anymore". Gave his cellphone and that was it. Simple.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Bluebirdie you are still more generous that I. I don't provide his cellphone number I only say "He is not at the number." And all his silly mail I still get is marked "Not at this address" He can arrange to forward his own mail. I mean honestly, my ex has been gone for two years and he still hasn't submitted a change of address.

Good for you about the car. You CAN do this on your own!


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## shellgames (Sep 2, 2014)

Congrats! I hope to reach this stage soon too.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

You will, it takes time. You learn a valuable lesson: to love yourself.

I couldnt imagine myself at this point 1 year ago and deep inside know I will be much better one year from now. 

One secret: Before going to sleep start dreaming awake how you see yourself in the future without your x. It has helped me a lot. Next morning I wake up feeling great.


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## shellgames (Sep 2, 2014)

I am 4 months out


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

5 days and day is finally coming!


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