# Torn in half and unhappy...



## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

I am 25 years old and have been married for 6 years (8 years together, no children) to a man that I really love. We have had our fair share of issues and in the past year I have begun to realize how truly unhappy I have been and have been rethinking my entire life. In the past I have had to deal with frequent lying about reconnecting via internet with old flames, viewing pornography, and various other similar things. He had a serious drinking problem that got him into a lot of bad situations at work (military) and caused unumerable arguments between us. In the past year he has went through counseling and is staying sober and I am so proud of him, but his overall attitude still seems off kilter. He is in the military and currently deployed, I get calls and text messages daily complaining about how much he hates the people he works with and frequently have to listen to him yell about some fight that he had with a co-worker. He gets angry very easily and things that most people would brush off effect him so negatively. I am not exaggerating when I say that everyday it is something that has gotten him in a foul mood. I don't know when the last time we had a whole day where something didn't get under his skin or we didn't have some stupid disagreement. He doesn't like to do many of the things that I enjoy and if I can get him to go along with me, he pouts and makes it clear the whole time that he doesn't want to be there. He is content to go to the movies, watch tv, and play video games everyday, there is nothing else that he ever really makes an effort to do. I complain about the time he spends playing video games, but then I'm met with a guilt trip about how he is so stressed out and they are the only thing that makes him feel better. What about me? If I make you happy like you say I do, why not find something to do with me? He won't stay up past 9pm to spend time with me, but if he gets into a video game, he'll be up past 10pm. There are a ton of things that I would like to do that he wants nothing to do with and I don't know how to deal with giving up the things I love anymore. I feel like I've been put into a box and I want to be free so badly. I feel like I have given up so many things that interest me for him, smoking, drinking (socially, I do not have an alcohol problem, but I can't exactly drink at all living with an alcoholic), going out and doing things that young people our age do like dancing, staying up late and making love all night, going to friends parties, getting a couple of tattoo's/piercings (me, he doesnt want me to), cutting my hair and dying it a different color (doesn't want me to have short hair like all the military girls) spending an afternoon shopping... there are just so many things that he won't be bothered to do and I'm tired of always doing things I want to do by myself. His unhappiness is also killing my spirit, he claims that I am the only thing in the world that matters, yet he is still so unhappy and angry all the time. If I really made him feel the way he claims, why wouldn't he act happier? It's so frustrating, I think I made the classic mistake of knowing that he had problems when we married, but thought I could make him better. I now know that only "they" can make themselves better. He is convinced when he gets out of the military that life will be so much better, but I can't help but feel like it will only be a temporary solution to a permanent problem. He will still have to deal with *******s in the civilian world and he is going to be 10x more stressed and pressed for time when he's working full time and trying to go to school. At this point he has no skills other than his military experience, so I know that life will be a struggle going from a good paycheck and benefits to next to nothing. That in itself doesn't scare me much, it's his attitude that worries me. I feel like I can't have the carefree attitude that I feel in my heart because my partner in life is always so down (he is on anti-depressants as well), I feel like I'm not the person that I'm meant to be and like I've put my whole life on hold to take care of him and hold his hand. I still love him incredibly, but I just can't imagine being this unhappy and restricted my whole life. While I don't claim to be a 10, I have gotten better with age, while he has become less attractive. Looks are by no means everything to me, but it does become a problem when you are not as attracted to the person you used to think was very visually pleasing. I didn't mention that I am also not fully satisfied sexually, what we do is great but I wish he was more adventuress. I am extremely open sexually, but there are a lot of things that he refuses to do and I feel so sexually deprived. I have only been with him, no other man, and his unwillingness to please me really makes me wish at times that I had played the field and got all I could out of more adventuress men and that makes me feel so guilty. Am I doomed to live a life of deprivation if I stay? He isn't very affectinate outside of the bedroom and I long to just kiss and touch sometimes. He does tell me he loves me, but it's usually in response to my telling him. He never tells me I'm beautiful anymore or compliments me when I get all dolled up to go out, it's like it doesnt faze him anymore. He doesn't even look me in the eye when we are talking, he just keeps doing whatever he is doing, it makes me feel so unimportant. He often verbally states that he is not good at anything and this makes me feel very unsecure in our future. How do you expect me to be condifent in you if you aren't confident in yourself. He also is not supportive at all when it comes to me continuing my education. I have tried to talk to him many times about it and it just turns in to an arugment about money or he is just completely disinterested in my passions. AND yes, we have discussed many of these things.

The good stuff: He is an amazing provider, he gladly takes care of the bills and necessities and only expects me to spend my own money on things I want. He writes me poetry/songs about his love for me on occassion. He is a great lover when it comes to things that he is willing to do. He is working very hard to stay sober and remember his anger issues come from within. He really truly does love me and I know he does even if he doesn't always show it. He does have ambitions to do great things like travel and live abroad, but I am unsure as to how we could ever accomplish this and I am not crazy about living abroad. In fact I don't want to do that at all... maybe that's me being selfish, but it's a huge step and I'm happy living in the good old USA. He seems to think that life abroad (such as Europe) would be far less demanding and an easier life, I think he is slightly delusional. Most important I do love him and I never want to hurt him, he does still have my heart in many many ways.

The hard stuff: I fear that if I left him, he would be broken for good. I don't want to ever hurt him, but I constantly think about how I feel like I'm missing out on life. I am still young and it's not "too late" for me to start over as scary as it would be. I don't know if I could look into his eyes and tell him that I want out, I just feel like it would kill anything good left in him and reinforce to him that he must not be good enough. I also don't know how I would feel if I suddenly didn't have him in my life because I do care for him so much. I feel like I owe it to him to see him through his journey of recovery, but it has been so many years now of the same issues and I am just weary.

The elephant in the room: I met someone else and I feel like I am in love with him. He is so different from what I have now and I know that at first love is often blind, so I won't make any rash desicions, but this guy seems like everything I could ever want. He's not perfect, but the flaws that I see are so far beneath the things that I have dealt with previously. We like so many of the same things, he's willing to learn new hobbies and just spend time with me. This man makes me so happy I can't stand it, we both feel like we must have met in another life because we are such a good fit. I won't go in to a million details, but just believe me when I say we are both crazy stupid about eachother. He shows his affection for me and makes me feel amazing spiritually. It's like nothing I've ever felt before, not even with my husband when we first met. I feel like my husband and I needed eachother, while myself and the other man purely want eachother. To have a realtionship based on want sounds like a dream come true, to not feel trapped because you need someone. The pressure is just gone and we have shared so much, our darkest secrets, our shortcomings, and we both agree that happiness is key and that no matter the mistakes, love cannot be selfish. I never thought I would find a love like I feel for him and so even though I've been unhappy for a long time, I never really thought I could ever leave for fear of just being alone. The OM also literally is understanding of my situation, he doesn not beg me to leave my H, he listens and offers marriage advice even, and he tells me that no matter what I choose to do, he only hopes that I am happy. He expressed that he would like to have a future with me, but he knows that my marriage isn't over and respects that by not pushing my boundaries. Even if I left my H, I would not go running to the OM, I would spend some serious time alone soul searching and getting on my feet.

So it all leaves me scared and confused. Do I follow my heart and strike out on my own in search of a life that gives me what I need for my spirit and happiness. Or do I stick it out even longer and pray that things get better with my H and that maybe one day we can find that spark and make eachother happy again. Do I wait? Do I stay? Do I go? Will H be ok and will I be able to handle what leaving him might do to him? I am so confused... all I know is that in my heart I am so tired of being unhappy, restricted, and unappreciated. I want to flourish in life and I feel like I am being left to wither. Please any help or advice, questions, anything to give me some insight is appreciated. Thank you for reading such a dreadfully long post.


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

A couple of things I negelcted to mention: I was not looking for the OM, we started out as friends and it just "blossomed" from there. It really knocked me for a loop to be honest. Also, as far a being unappreciated, let me be clear that I do everything for my H. I go way above and beyond to make sure that he doesn't have to do anything outside of work. I take care of all the household duties, errands, and even do things related to his work for him. He is really quite spoiled by me and I don't mind at all because I love him, but he doesn't thank me or appreciate just how much I truly do for him out of love.

EDIT: H has this tendency to feel like he has to physically fight to prove something. He has been in situations numerous times that left me wondering if I was even going to have a living breathing spouse the next day. It's like he is ready to throw away his life, his career, and me over anything that makes him angry. I am left feeling so unimportant having a spouse that would be so selfish. How do you live now knowing what is going to set someone off?


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## CodeComplete (Aug 9, 2012)

Don't cheat. The OM is clouding all your thinking. Break it off with your husband before you do anything, you owe him that much. Maintain your integrity.


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

CodeComplete said:


> Don't cheat. The OM is clouding all your thinking. Break it off with your husband before you do anything, you owe him that much. Maintain your integrity.


I do feel the same way, I don't want to do anything more damaging than I already have by developing feelings for the OM. I would never want to hurt my H by doing that because no matter what we have spent many years together and I will always care about his well being and I do respect him.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

CodeComplete said:


> Don't cheat. The OM is clouding all your thinking. Break it off with your husband before you do anything, you owe him that much. Maintain your integrity.


This...good advice.

There is agood and bad way to do every thing.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

shoestrings said:


> Even if I left my H, I would not go running to the OM, I would spend some serious time alone soul searching and getting on my feet.


Looks like you are already having an EA so i'm not sure where this statement is comming from. Guilt perhaps?

Looks like you want to leave ur DH without any guilt or blame of having an EA with the OM. I'm not sure thats even possible since you already cheated at an emotional level on your DH.

Did you start seeing "flaws" in your DH after your emotional connection with the OM started to blossom or did his "flaws" cause you to move towards your OM?


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

bluelaser said:


> Looks like you are already having an EA so i'm not sure where this statement is comming from. Guilt perhaps?
> 
> Looks like you want to leave ur DH without any guilt or blame of having an EA with the OM. I'm not sure thats even possible since you already cheated at an emotional level with with DH.
> 
> Did you start seeing "flaws" in your DH after your emotional connection with the OM started to blossom or did his "flaws" cause you to move towards your OM?


I feel like stating that is just me saying that I wouldn't leave H specifically for the OM, but yes the OM basically has opened my eyes that life doesn't have to be like this, there are other fish.

I have had these feelings of leaving for much longer than I have known the OM and the flaws have most definitely been apparent for most of our relationship. I can't even say that his flaws drove me to the OM because it just happened overnight it seemed. I was not looking to fall in love at all, it just happened. We became really good friends, I can admit that the OM definitely made me feel more confident in my feelings about leaving. It's like before I had many times where I wanted to get out, but I wasn't convinced that I would find anyone that was "any better" emotionally than my H. Overall just a fear for leaving and then having no one, but now I see that maybe my spouse isn't the only man that I could ever love and that there are other people out there.

I actually don't feel guilty about the feelings I have for the OM, I know it's not right to feel that way, but I'm not going to "knock" my heart for loving someone. I fear that in the future if I did leave H that I would feel guilty for hurting him and quite probably emotionally stunting all the progress he has made in therapy.


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## CodeComplete (Aug 9, 2012)

What you are experiencing with the other man is a classic scenario. Just look around this forum and you will find it over and over again. People don't really understand themselves. They believe that they are in total control of what happens regarding their feelings and emotions. Wrong! Any time a man and women open up and share personal thoughts and feelings with someone of the opposite sex they are in danger. Men and women can be friends but must have tight boundaries on what is talked about.


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## CodeComplete (Aug 9, 2012)

If you really want to save your marriage you need to cut it off with this man. Again, not just me saying this. Look around, you will see the same advice abounds.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

I just registered but I saw your post. I too am married to an alcoholic who is sober. He has been sober for the past 7 years. He never went into formal recovery and has been what they call a dry drunk. It sounds like your husband is experiencing the same issue. They are extremely hard to tolerate. If we did not have young children I most likely would have left by now. If you ask me, those who aren't willing to go the whole nine yards when dealing with their addictions are better off alone. I am also dealing with his inappropriate friendships with women. 
If he does break, it isn't your fault. It is his own. Never forget that you saw him through the darkest days of his life. You have done your part. If he isn't willing to do his then you cannot be held responsible.


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

CodeComplete said:


> What you are experiencing with the other man is a classic scenario. Just look around this forum and you will find it over and over again. People don't really understand themselves. They believe that they are in total control of what happens regarding their feelings and emotions. Wrong! Any time a man and women open up and share personal thoughts and feelings with someone of the opposite sex they are in danger. Men and women can be friends but must have tight boundaries on what is talked about.





CodeComplete said:


> If you really want to save your marriage you need to cut it off with this man. Again, not just me saying this. Look around, you will see the same advice abounds.


I agree that the OM definetely has gotten me over the bridge of fear that is leaving, but I don't know if I want to save my marriage or not. If H made significant forward progress in the very near future I would be far more open to working on things and trying to salvage it. My fear is that it won't happen and then as I said previously, I feel like I'd be left to wither away. Thanks for the advice and I will definitely give the forums a good look for similar situtations. Is it strange to say that even if I never moved forward with the OM, that I just feel like he has given me the push that I needed all along to do what's best for me? That's pretty much how I feel, like I needed proof that life could be better, even if I am on my own and with no one. I would be delusional myself if I didn't admit that OM and I would most likely eventually try a realationship together, but I don't have any expectations. I am very much still torn and I know that I won't make the final desicion lightly. My current plan of thinking is to give it a few months of MC/IC when H gets back and sincerely try, but I'm even scared to admit to H just how seriously I feel about leaving, he is so fragile... I also know that he probably has no clue just how unhappy I am. It will be a long talk and I'm not looking forward to it.


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

hotdogs said:


> I just registered but I saw your post. I too am married to an alcoholic who is sober. He has been sober for the past 7 years. He never went into formal recovery and has been what they call a dry drunk. It sounds like your husband is experiencing the same issue. They are extremely hard to tolerate. If we did not have young children I most likely would have left by now. If you ask me, those who aren't willing to go the whole nine yards when dealing with their addictions are better off alone. I am also dealing with his inappropriate friendships with women.
> If he does break, it isn't your fault. It is his own. Never forget that you saw him through the darkest days of his life. You have done your part. If he isn't willing to do his then you cannot be held responsible.


Thank you for your response, I hate that you have had to deal with a similar situation because I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it is nice to know someone probably understands the depth of his issues. He is doing very well with abstaining from alcohol, but the anger/rage issues and lack of self-confidence is what is the biggest issue right now. I scream it in my head all the time that I wish he could just be normal... it's so hard to handle.


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

shoestrings said:


> I don't know if I want to save my marriage or not. If H made significant forward progress in the very near future I would be far more open to working on things and trying to salvage it. My fear is that it won't happen
> 
> ........ My current plan of thinking is to give it a few months of MC/IC when H gets back and sincerely try, but I'm even scared to admit to H just how seriously I feel about leaving, he is so fragile


MC/IC cannot be successful without complete disclosure. I hate to say this but if your DH is so fragile that he can't handle separation, how do you think he will handle the fact that you are having an EA? What you are doing now (married with an EA) is far worse than separating. Its neither fair to him you or the OM. I don't think you will find many people who will tell you what you are doing now is correct.

You will just have to find the courage to tell your DH everything. Just roll the dice and see what happens. Who knows, it may work out for the best. At the very least you won't have to live with this cloud hanging over your head.


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## CodeComplete (Aug 9, 2012)

The one thing I have recently learned myself is that you cannot avoid pain in life--it is part of the package. You cannot be responsible for him--he is his own responsibility.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You may not have been looking for a new hook up when you started with the OM, but I guarantee you he was and is.

You do realize that every step of the way he has been worming his way into you life with the sole intention of coming between you and your marriage right? Hopefully you aren't so deep in the fog that you can still see what his game frim the start has been?

Let me guess, he listens great, especially about your problems in your marriage. Oh, and I bet he has even tried making suggestions on things you can try to make your marriage work better. Oh, and he is always ready to listen and sympathize when the things you try don't work because your husband just won't try hard enough or respect you.

This OM has slimed his way in, your now firmly in a EA and soon the OM will passively just kiss you and bam your in a full on physical affair. Oh of course the OM will share your shock and guilt at having betrayed your husband, but your true love is so strong it just could be denied... 

How close am I so far?


You are already cheating emotionally with a slime ball who has no moral problems making a play for a married woman. There are lots nd lots of other woman, but he's going after the married one. Yep, real nice guy the OM is.

Please wake up to the train wreck you are heading toward. Stop the EA and dump the sleazy OM out of your life. Please choose to be faithful good person and fight for your marriage. See the OM as the predator and threat to your happiness and to your husband that he really is.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh, and please read Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, it will help you understand how you got here, and how the OM isn't really your true love, but just a slime who's taking advantage of you.


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

bluelaser said:


> MC/IC cannot be successful without complete disclosure. I hate to say this but if your DH is so fragile that he can't handle separation, how do you think he will handle the fact that you are having an EA? What you are doing now (married with an EA) is far worse than separating. Its neither fair to him you or the OM. I don't think you will find many people who will tell you what you are doing now is correct.
> 
> You will just have to find the courage to tell your DH everything. Just roll the dice and see what happens. Who knows, it may work out for the best. At the very least you won't have to live with this cloud hanging over your head.


I do agree that in order to be successful I will have to come out with everything and I know that it will hurt him, but knowing his attitude toward relationships he would be far more upset if it had been physical. Strange as it seems, that is how he feels about EA's from all our past talks. I agree whole-heartedly that it is not fair for any parties involved, that is why I want to figure things out as soon as possible, for all our sakes.


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## CodeComplete (Aug 9, 2012)

I will say it again: If you truly want your marriage to have a chance to survive dump the OM. Otherwise divorce your husband.


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

I appreciate all the advice and help so much, thank you to everyone that took time to read and reply. I am curious because almost everyone has commented soley on the "OM situation", what advice would you give someone like me if there were no OM involved? Take the first 3 paragraphs and tell me your opinion, am I being irrational at the thought of leaving or do I have valid concerns about being stuck in this "box"? If I had written this only a few months ago everything would be the same except there would be no OM, I still would feel the way I do about my H.

Also, at this time I am not seeing the OM (and have no plans to), but we do still talk often.


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

CodeComplete said:


> I will say it again: If you truly want your marriage to have a chance to survive dump the OM. Otherwise divorce your husband.


I am working towards that, I really am whether anyone would believe it or not. I am not seeing him at this time and I will not be talking to him at all once I am able to talk to my H about everything and hopefully start MC/IC.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

shoestrings said:


> I appreciate all the advice and help so much, thank you to everyone that took time to read and reply. I am curious because almost everyone has commented soley on the "OM situation", what advice would you give someone like me if there were no OM involved? Take the first 3 paragraphs and tell me your opinion, am I being irrational at the thought of leaving or do I have valid concerns about being stuck in this "box"? If I had written this only a few months ago everything would be the same except there would be no OM, I still would feel the way I do about my H.
> 
> Also, at this time I am not seeing the OM (and have no plans to), but we do still talk often.


The problem is that a huge part of the problems right now are being either caused or greatly exacerbated by the OM and the EA you are having with him.

If you are still talking to him, then you are still seeing him and his affect on the marriage is still active.

Biologically what is going on is that any contact with the OM, even a text MSG is giving your brain a nice little dopamine hit. It's the drug our brain get gives us in situations like a new romance, it stops getting produced in the same quantity in long term relationships. It's why affairs are so rewarding in terms of your brain feeling happy. Your AP gives you that nice dopamine hit, and you want more so you keep coming back, you also start to view your husband as the bad guy who is keeping you from your next hit.

In essense you are an addict and like addicts you start pushing out of your life the things which interfere with your next high.

Please read Not Just Friends ASAP it may just save you from a horrible mistake and taking part of your husbands soul from him.

You need to cut off all concat with the OM and allow yourself to detox so you can start seeing the priority here is your husband and marriage. End the EA and work with your husband to build a good marriage.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

shoestrings said:


> I am working towards that, I really am whether anyone would believe it or not. I am not seeing him at this time and I will not be talking to him at all once I am able to talk to my H about everything and hopefully start MC/IC.


Why can't you stop talking to OM immediately?


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Why aren't you responding to anything Shaggy says? He's making good points. And he is reading you the script your boyfriend is operating from. Just watch.


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> The problem is that a huge part of the problems right now are being either caused or greatly exacerbated by the OM and the EA you are having with him.
> 
> If you are still talking to him, then you are still seeing him and his affect on the marriage is still active.
> 
> ...





Shaggy said:


> Why can't you stop talking to OM immediately?


I can understand and appreciate this completely and it makes total sense. I agree I should stop talking to him completely, but the part of me that really cares for him as a friend has a hard time just throwing him away like he never mattered to me. The way I feel (friendship wise before the EA part began) is just like I feel with my best girlfriend, I would have a hard time abandoning any friend, even if I knew they were toxic. It is something that I will have to work up to, I know.


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

sandc said:


> Why aren't you responding to anything Shaggy says? He's making good points. And he is reading you the script your boyfriend is operating from. Just watch.


This made me chuckle, I didn't respond to the first post because I didn't know what to say. It's hard to read and think that someone you care about is "slime" especially when you began innocently as friends (at least in my heart is was innocent). I do see and respect all opinions though and is something that I will have to truly mull over in my own time. I agree that they are very good points as well, as hard as they may be to read.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

shoestrings said:


> I can understand and appreciate this completely and it makes total sense. I agree I should stop talking to him completely, but the part of me that really cares for him as a friend has a hard time just throwing him away like he never mattered to me. The way I feel (friendship wise before the EA part began) is just like I feel with my best girlfriend, I would have a hard time abandoning any friend, even if I knew they were toxic. It is something that I will have to work up to, I know.


If your "friend" gets wind that you might be dumping him he's going to up his game. He'll make his move on you real soon. Be ready for it. Make up your mind what you're going to do before it happens. You're either a good woman or a cheater. 

You decide.


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Oh, and please read Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, it will help you understand how you got here, and how the OM isn't really your true love, but just a slime who's taking advantage of you.


Thank you for the suggestion, I will have to see if my bookstore has it, I really do enjoy self-help reads. Thank you.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

shoestrings said:


> This made me chuckle, I didn't respond to the first post because I didn't know what to say. It's hard to read and think that someone you care about it "slime" especially when you began innocently as friends (at least in my heart is was innocent). I do see and respect all opinions though and is something that I will have to truly mull over in my own time. I agree that they are very good points as well, as hard as they may be to read.


Sorry. It's hard to tell how much time has past between postings. 


Just please keep his advice in mind. You are very much in what we call the fog. In effect you are experiencing an addiction. I hope and pray you can come out of it.


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

I do worry about the future still in regard to what I should do. If I completely axe OM from my life and reconnect with my H and things still don't work out, I feel like I'll be kicking myself later for not just getting out when I had the courage no matter where it came from. I truly fear living in this unhappy marriage trying to make it work, when so far despite all efforts, nothing has brought happiness.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Just speaking for myself. If I were in your situation I would want to make sure I had tried everything I could to save my marriage


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

sandc said:


> Just speaking for myself. If I were in your situation I would want to make sure I had tried everything I could to save my marriage


Stupid iPad. Anyway I would try everything I could to save my marriage. Do this on your own without someone who may or may not have ulterior motives cheering you to cheat. OM knows you're married. You know you're married. You both know this is wrong. Work on your marriage with NO outside influences. Tell your husband you are unhappy and are thinking you want out. At least give him a chance. He doesn't deserve to be lied to does he?


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

sandc said:


> Stupid iPad. Anyway I would try everything I could to save my marriage. Do this on your own without someone who may or may not have ulterior motives cheering you to cheat. OM knows you're married. You know you're married. You both know this is wrong. Work on your marriage with NO outside influences. Tell your husband you are unhappy and are thinking you want out. At least give him a chance. He doesn't deserve to be lied to does he?


No he doesn't and I am going to remedy that as soon as we see eachother again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

shoestrings said:


> No he doesn't and I am going to remedy that as soon as we see eachother again.


How are you going to remedy it? Do you mean when you see your husband again? Or the OM again?


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## shoestrings (Aug 9, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> How are you going to remedy it? Do you mean when you see your husband again? Or the OM again?


Sorry I was a little vague, I meant I am going to remedy things when I see my H again by coming clean with my feelings and the EA.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

shoestrings said:


> Sorry I was a little vague, I meant I am going to remedy things when I see my H again by coming clean with my feelings and the EA.


Good for you. At least it let's him know what he's up against.


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## CodeComplete (Aug 9, 2012)

Shoestrings,

You have to understand that people here want marriages to work. A lot of people here have been cheated on and will forever hurt from it. Like I said before you see what you are going through all over the place in this forum. I totally get how you are feeling. Our biology sucks the way it plays tricks on us. If you do what is right and you can't find a solution with your husband you can walk away with dignity and honor and your head held high. My wife is dealing with years of my crap right now trying to decide to stay or not. I am so thankful she is giving it her all even though it might not work out. I would understand her wanting some happiness by being with someone else but if that happened I would be gone.


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