# The other woman



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

My husband left me for the other woman last week and he's been coming to the house in the morning. Well sunday he started fixing stuff around the house that been broke for months. Well I told him I missed him he said he missed me too and left. He told me he still loves me and that I'm his best friend. The question I'm asking is do I have a chance with him and why did he come by to fix things? Also he is using meth with this. Woman


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Why do you want another chance with someone who has disrespected you @Indgo? Dump his traitorous ass and move on with your life. Get the jump on him and prepare everything while he's unaware.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Indgo said:


> My husband left me for the other woman last week and he's been coming to the house in the morning. Well sunday he started fixing stuff around the house that been broke for months. Well I told him I missed him he said he missed me too and left. He told me he still loves me and that I'm his best friend. The question I'm asking is do I have a chance with him and why did he come by to fix things?


Before we dig into what happened just now. Whenever I see a post count we know there's a history. I saw you had a thread 4 years ago about the bum wanting a girlfriend and wanted you to be ok with it. What has happened between 4 years ago and leading up to now?


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Well he left the other woman and we was fine and then he was seeming this woman for a year


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

BruceBanner said:


> Why do you want another chance with someone who has disrespected you @Indgo? Dump his traitorous ass and move on with your life. Get the jump on him and prepare everything while he's unaware.


I'm seeming a lawyer next month but I'm a little scared cause he threaten to take the kids from me and sale the house. Oh by the way my mom life insurance paid for the house


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Indgo said:


> BruceBanner said:
> 
> 
> > Why do you want another chance with someone who has disrespected you @Indgo? Dump his traitorous ass and move on with your life. Get the jump on him and prepare everything while he's unaware.
> ...


So he's not just a 2 timer? He's a narcissist and a bully with threats like that. Once you see a lawyer for a consultation and please see on ASAP, the lawyer will tell you how full of sh** he is with threats like that, that have no legal standing. 

At worst you are entitled to 50% equity in the house and 50% custody of the kids, at worst. 

You would like to think since you have given him chances and stood by his side and given him forgiveness and been kind he would at least be somewhat nice but once he realizes you are going to do what's best for your children and yourself, you will become an enemy in his mind. Tough to believe and rationalize but once they become this person, they have no semblance of genuine care for you in their mind. Only the care when they think it can benefit their own cause.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

And unfortunately you cannot afford to wait to see a lawyer next month. Forget about costs, get a consultation asap. A few hundred bucks at most and the most valuable hour of your life when it comes to this mess.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Indgo said:


> My husband left me for the other woman last week and he's been coming to the house in the morning. Well sunday he started fixing stuff around the house that been broke for months. Well I told him I missed him he said he missed me too and left. He told me he still loves me and that I'm his best friend. The question I'm asking is do I have a chance with him and why did he come by to fix things?


Has your husband been cheating since 2014?

The reason that he comes over is because you fill some of his needs that the OW does not fill. Right now he has two women in his life. It makes him feel really good to have both of you. For one thing, imagine what it feels like to be so hot/desirable that two women are fighting over him. Why on earth would he give that up?

This is why you need to be the one who tells him that he has moved out and is no longer welcome to come to YOUR HOME. See a lawyer and find out who to legally make it so that the house you live in is no longer his legal residence. Tell him that until he ends his affair, ends all contact with the OW and agrees to work on your marriage together, that you do not want to see him or talk to him.

You also need to file for divorce. Remember that it takes months to get a divorce. So that will give time for him to realize what he's losing in losing you. Remember that a divorce can be stopped at any time. So filing is not the end. It's you drawing a line in the sand, telling him that you will not tolerate his adultery.

Once you do this, he will realize that he's actually losing you. And the pressure will be put on the OW to fill all his needs that you fill right now. This usually leads to the affair ending because it puts too much pressure on the OW.

If you do not do this, he will continue the affair and keep you on the side. Yes the OW is becoming his primary relationship and your are becoming the OW. If you do not take drastic action, your marriage is over.

Get the book, "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. Read it. Do what it says to do. 

In the book it talks about Plan A and Plan B. You have already done Plan A. You are now ready for Plan B. Plan B is what you do when your spouse refuses to end their affair and return to the marriage. You separate yourself and have as little contact with them as possible. This is to protect you and to let him fully realize what life without you will be like. 

Look at the link in my signature block below for the 180. That's how you need to be interacting with him from now on, until either he ends the affair and returns to the marriage or you fall out of love with him and you end the marriage.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Indgo said:


> I'm seeming a lawyer next month but I'm a little scared cause he threaten to take the kids from me and sale the house. Oh by the way my mom life insurance paid for the house


See if you can get in sooner to a lawyer. If not, know that your husband has no idea what he's talking about he can't do anything life changing like take the kids from you or sell your marital home without a judge's consent. And I'd be hard pressed to think any judge would let a meth head have even unsupervised custody of his kids, let alone full custody.

He's fixing things around the house because he feels guilty.

Tell him to stay gone. Another woman in your marriage is bad enough, but his using meth takes it to a whole other level of deplorable.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He's keeping his options open. You're Plan B.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

You are right stillfighter he is talking about sharing a lawyer but he only wants to give me five hundred a month and I want more so I said I'm getting my own lawyer but he talked about a legal separation so I can file for ssi cause if I divorce him I could take more money from hin


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Indgo said:


> Well he left the other woman and we was fine and then he was seeming this woman for a year


So he's a serial cheater. It's highly unlikely that he will stop cheating.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Indgo said:


> My husband left me for the other woman last week and he's been coming to the house in the morning. Well sunday he started fixing stuff around the house that been broke for months. Well I told him I missed him he said he missed me too and left. He told me he still loves me and that I'm his best friend. The question I'm asking is do I have a chance with him and why did he come by to fix things? Also he is using meth with this. Woman


He's fixing stuff out of guilt and to act like he cares to keep you attached to hiim. My ex did some similar things, fix buttons in shirts that had been missing for months and other things like that. Your emotional side starts telling you since they are doing it the must care on some level but logically it's more or less a meaningless gesture and not fixing anything in the relationship. 

Let her have him, tell him to quit stopping by the house and get him gone.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

I don't text him unless it concern the kids I haven't beg for him to come back ether. I told him we need to tell the kids and he doesn't want to tell them.the kids don't ask for him.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Indgo said:


> You are right stillfighter he is talking about sharing a lawyer but he only wants to give me five hundred a month and I want more so I said I'm getting my own lawyer but he talked about a legal separation so I can file for ssi cause if I divorce him I could take more money from hin


You're smart to get your own attorney. Keep telling him no. As goosey and shady as he is, you must get everything in writing by a court of law because I would bet the farm he would renig on that deal when it suits him. Cheaters lie and cannot be trusted. You'd be foolish to trust anything that comes out of his mouth.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Indgo 
How long have you been married?

How many children do you have?



Indgo said:


> I'm seeming a lawyer next month but I'm a little scared cause he threaten to take the kids from me and sale the house. Oh by the way my mom life insurance paid for the house





Indgo said:


> I'm seeming a lawyer next month but I'm a little scared cause he threaten to take the kids from me and sale the house. Oh by the way my mom life insurance paid for the house


Idle threats. He thinks you are too stupid to find out your rights in divorce.

He cannot take the children from you unless he can prove that you are truly an unfit mother. But he’s gone along with you being a SAHM & primary care taker of your children. Then he moved out and left you alone and now you have even more responsibility for taking care of your children. Clearly, he believes that you are a very fit mother. Idle threat

Be sure to talk to a lawyer about the house. How long ago did your buy the house with your mother’s life insurance. Are both of your names on the deed? Are any payments made on the house, or do you own it free and clear?

He cannot sell the house without you going along with it and signing for the sale. So he can forget the idea of selling the house out from under you.

Talk to a lawyer about the house. Depending on the state you live in, it might be your sole property. He might not have claim to any of it. Plus, depending on the state, you probably live in an equitable distribution state. That means that things are not split equally. They are split equitably. The equitable thing to do would be for you to keep the house because you paid for it out of the insurance proceeds which were your sole property and you have no worked in years, plus you will most likely get more time with your children since you are the primary care giver. He might be toast when it comes to the house.





Indgo said:


> You are right stillfighter he is talking about sharing a lawyer but he only wants to give me five hundred a month and I want more so I said I'm getting my own lawyer but he talked about a legal separation so I can file for ssi cause if I divorce him I could take more money from hin


How can you file for SSI? Do you have a disability that prevents you from working?

Don’t even consider a legal separation. That leaves you in limbo land. 

You said that you have to wait until next month to see a lawyer. I suggest that you start interviewing lawyers now. There are lawyers who will give a half hour to one-hour free consultation. They do this hoping that you will hire them. If you get 2 or 3 free appointments you can ask a lot of questions and get your strategy together. 

Another thing to do is that if there is a good lawyer in town who you think he might hire, get an appointment with that lawyer. Once you discuss your case with the lawyer, the lawyer cannot take your husband as a client.

You need to come up to snuff on your rights in divorce very quickly. Do a lot of searches for things like child support, division of assets/debt, spouse support or alimony in your state. Read a lot of sites. There is a lot of info out there. Plus, amazon.com sells books each state covering the divorce laws in the state. It might be worth it to buy one and read it.

Your state court system probably has an online self-help site where you can get a lot of info. If you will share the state you live in, I’ll search for the site if you want me to.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Elle girl been married 13years will be 14 years Nov 7. I have two kids. As far as the house we had mortgage payments then my mom died and I used the life insurance to pay it off. Both are names are on the deed. I'm a stay at home mom. I have a mental illness I take medication. I found a good lawyer it cos 300 dollars just to speak to her. I live in nebraska


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Is the home in your name? Can you prove that it was purchased with your inheritance? You might be able to keep it out of the divorce settlement, if you can prove that it is only yours, and from an inheritance. A lawyer can help you prove this, if it is even legal in your state. In my state once a person converts their inheritance into something different, it becomes a joint asset.

Your husband wants to give you $500 a month? He doesn't get to decide that. Either you would have to agree on that, or the court will decide how much he pays you for alimony/maintenance and child support.

Of course he doesn't want you to have your own lawyer. That way he can take advantage of you. Get your own lawyer, and fight for all the law allows.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Indgo said:


> Elle girl been married 13years will be 14 years Nov 7. I have two kids. As far as the house we had mortgage payments then my mom died and I used the life insurance to pay it off. Both are names are on the deed. I'm a stay at home mom. I have a mental illness I take medication. I found a good lawyer it cos 300 dollars just to speak to her


If you are eligible for SSI, then you will also be able to get it when you are divorced. That should help, though it's not a lot.

You have been married long enough that you might be able to get some spousal support. And you will most likely get spousal support, at least for a few years. 

About the house. If you can show the amount of the life insurance that you put on it, you might be able to claim that part of the equity in the house as your sole property. It's tricky but a good lawyer might be able to pull that off.

I can see why your husband wants both of you to share one lawyer, he's most likely hoping to get you to accept a lot less than you are entitled too.

How old are you and your husband? Do you have any work experience or training/education beyond high school that could help you get a job after divorce?


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Elle girl I'm 41 years old he's 42. I haven't worked in 14years I have applied and I have one interview the interview went well but they did not hire me


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Indgo said:


> Elle girl I'm 41 years old he's 42. I haven't worked in 14years I have applied and I have one interview the interview went well but they did not hire me


Yea, it's a bummer when you interview and then don't get the job. But you want one that is a good fit for you. I always looked at job interviews as me interviewing them to figure out if the company is a place that I would even consider working at. Taking that point of view seemed to work.

How's your resume?


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Elegirl I've been applying at retail jobs I love retail


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Indgo said:


> Elegirl I've been applying at retail jobs I love retail


Great. If you love something then you will do well in it. I assume you have worked retail before. 

This is where you need to be putting your energy from here on out.. on yourself. Of course your children are important. But it's important to them that you take care of yourself.


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## Blaine (Jul 23, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Has your husband been cheating since 2014?
> 
> The reason that he comes over is because you fill some of his needs that the OW does not fill. Right now he has two women in his life. It makes him feel really good to have both of you. For one thing, imagine what it feels like to be so hot/desirable that two women are fighting over him. Why on earth would he give that up?
> 
> ...


Indgo He is fixing the house in the hopes ofselling for more money. He comes by is the hopes he can get some and if he's on meth he's looking for things to steal. See a lawyer asap. BTW no matter what he says courts dont usually give kids to methheads. Good luck


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Indgo said:


> I'm seeming a lawyer next month but I'm a little scared cause he threaten to take the kids from me and sale the house. Oh by the way my mom life insurance paid for the house


I am a lawyer. Let me assure you he can do neither of those things. Don't be a doormat. Stand up to his douche bag behavior.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Indgo said:


> *Also he is using meth with this. Woman*


https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/crystal-meth-what-you-should_know#1

Lawyer and Police up now.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

So let me get this straight.

Your douche bag serial cheating meth-smoking husband has *DESERTED* you and his children for his latest piece of ass.

And yet, said junkie douche bag feels he has a legal leg to stand on and can 'take' the very kids he *DESERTED* if you divorce him. Exactly how much parenting has Father of the Year done since he deserted his family a week ago? Yeah, I thought so.

Does this *imbecile* actually listen to himself when he spews this nonsense?

Why on EARTH you'd be hoping this degenerate comes back to you is simply mind-boggling.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Indgo said:


> My husband left me for the other woman last week and he's been coming to the house in the morning. Well sunday he started fixing stuff around the house that been broke for months. Well I told him I missed him he said he missed me too and left. He told me he still loves me and that I'm his best friend. The question I'm asking is do I have a chance with him and why did he come by to fix things? Also he is using meth with this. Woman


And guess what? You can hire a repairman who doesn't do meth.

You don't need your husband and his guilt offerings.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

I missed the Meth part. Lawyer this week, you don't have time to waste. For your kids' sake, you need to have them protected, physically, legally, financially. People that don't do meth and are wayward tend to get much worse and bold. Factor in the drug aspect and he's a ticking time bomb.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Indgo

Do you have any proof that he uses meth? I mean proof beyond your personal knowledge? 

Has he ever been arrested for possession?

Does he sell meth? Many, if not most, users sell to help pay for their own habit. 

Does he keep any meth at your house? Check everywhere.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Indgo said:


> I'm seeming a lawyer next month but I'm a little scared cause he threaten to take the kids from me and sale the house. Oh by the way my mom life insurance paid for the house



Why the HELL would you want a meth addict, and a man who threatens you with taking YOUR shared children and forcing the sale of the house? THINK ABOUT THAT. why would you EVER want him back? I know you are heart broken but when it comes to saving yourself he is a house built on quick sand. GET OUT NOW. 

As to waiting on a lawyer for a month....that is silly. Free consultations are common hunt around and meet as many as you can. If you meet them and don't use them they still CANNOT represent your husband. So you can effectively narrow his ability to have a lawyer. The lawyer cannot because a conflict of interest. 

YOU need to be the first to file on the grounds of adultery. As to meth, YOU NEED TO PROVE THIS, SO GET EVIDENCE, voice recorder on yourself to capture the threats. (dont let him know! Most phones have a record app.)

If you do this even IF he could do all he threatens you can hit back equally hard to him. This is a situation that YOU CANNOT TRY TO NICE HIM BACK...you want him back and that (IS STUPID) in light of what he threatens. 

WHERE IS YOUR ANGER?
Why are you wanting him back? 
You need to see as he is a cheating threatening meth addict that he is NO GOOD FOR YOUR FAMILY. 

let him go.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

I saw him use meth and he tells me he hasn't used in two weeks cause he's out of money he stops by the house everyday to check up on things also he said he would take the kids to school everyday. To be honest I don't want him with her because she smokes weed everyday and they go to bars and smoke meth. If he doesn't want to be with me fine but I think he shouldn't be with her either every since he met her things have gone down hill I'm not blaming it all on her but she introduce him to meth again and now he has a conect.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Indgo said:


> I saw him use meth and he tells me he hasn't used in two weeks cause he's out of money he stops by the house everyday to check up on things also he said he would take the kids to school everyday. To be honest I don't want him with her because she smokes weed everyday and they go to bars and smoke meth. If he doesn't want to be with me fine but I think he shouldn't be with her either every since he met her things have gone down hill I'm not blaming it all on her but she introduce him to meth again and now he has a conect.


OK, so you have no real proof... what I mean by real proof is something like him having a police record for drug possession.

You need to talk to your lawyer about this because your children should not be around drug use.

One person I know had no 'real proof'. What their lawyer did was to tell the judge (verbally and in written statement) that the husband has been told by others that they have seen his STBX wife shooting up in the ally behind a building. So the lawyer asked the judge to have the STBX wife take a drug test before she could get any un-supervised time with their children. On the side of caution the judge said that she had to take a drug test. The STBX wife did not take the drug test until 9 months later. Clearly she was not clean and took her sweet time to get off the drugs. But the divorce moved forwards in those months and he ended up with 100% custody of the children. She got supervised visitation only.

Your husband works for the USPS, right? And he's doing pot and meth. Don't they do random drug tests? He could easily lose his job over this.

You might want to tell him, after you clear this with his lawyer, that you are going to ask that he get a drug test because you know he is doing meth and pot. And let him now that it will be in the divorce papers so his employer is likely to find out about his drug use. So he'd better stop doing the drugs if he wants to have any time at all with his children and keep his job.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Indgo said:


> I saw him use meth and he tells me he hasn't used in two weeks cause he's out of money he stops by the house everyday to check up on things also he said he would take the kids to school everyday. To be honest I don't want him with her because she smokes weed everyday and they go to bars and smoke meth. If he doesn't want to be with me fine but I think he shouldn't be with her either every since he met her things have gone down hill I'm not blaming it all on her but she introduce him to meth again and now he has a conect.


It really sucks that he has put you in this position but here's basically where you stand now. Since he has used Meth in front of you along with all of the other things, this is no longer an optional thing for you to ponder. If you sit by idly or continue with this relationship, you are going to be assuming some of the blame for putting the kids through this. This fact alone, that he has put you in this position where you now carry the burden to move forward, makes it suck that much more but it's necessary and the price of being the responsible parent/adult in all of this.

You can do this! For your kids and for you. Hell, it's a longshot and not likely and don't count on it but maybe once this dude reaches rock bottom he will turn his life around. Ultimately that would be best for the kids but right now, he shouldn't be anywhere near them.

EDITED: for grammar, sheesh, I swear what is in my head and what actually shows up on the screen are two entirely different things lol.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Indgo said:


> My husband left me for the other woman last week and he's been coming to the house in the morning. Well sunday he started fixing stuff around the house that been broke for months. Well I told him I missed him he said he missed me too and left. He told me he still loves me and that I'm his best friend. The question I'm asking is do I have a chance with him and why did he come by to fix things? Also he is using meth with this. Woman


I had a small glimmer of hope, and then I read he is using meth. Game, set, match divorce wins. You don't want that anywhere near you or your kids. Get a lawyer get things squared away and change the locks, he will start steeling stuff if he hasn't already.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Unfortunately, he can be with her -- or someone worse -- if he chooses. It'll be up to you to protect your children because he isn't likely to.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Indgo said:


> I'm seeming a lawyer next month but I'm a little scared cause he threaten to take the kids from me and sale the house. Oh by the way my mom life insurance paid for the house


Your H is a meth user or seeing a meth user? Kids will be staying with you. Further, the house is not your H decision to sell or not.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Indgo said:


> I saw him use meth and he tells me he hasn't used in two weeks cause he's out of money he stops by the house everyday to check up on things also he said he would take the kids to school everyday. To be honest I don't want him with her because she smokes weed everyday and they go to bars and smoke meth. If he doesn't want to be with me fine but I think he shouldn't be with her either every since he met her things have gone down hill I'm not blaming it all on her but she introduce him to meth again and now he has a conect.


You are plan B and a place to go with things go south with OW or the meth lab drys up. Start the D process. Don't let your WH take you and the kids down with him.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You seriously need to find your anger, otherwise you are going to allow him to walk all over you. Get to a lawyer ASAP, your OWN lawyer! DO NOT share his attorney, HUGE mistake.. I know because I did it. Make sure any lawyer you hire is informed of his meth use, they can require a drug test when it comes to custody issues. He isn't going to take your kids, he doesn't want them, he just wants to get high with his icky other woman. 

Why in hell you would want this disgusting piece of crap back is beyond me. Get pissed, and get out of this marriage.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Indgo said:


> I saw him use meth and he tells me he hasn't used in two weeks cause he's out of money he stops by the house everyday to check up on things also he said he would take the kids to school everyday. To be honest I don't want him with her because she smokes weed everyday and they go to bars and smoke meth. If he doesn't want to be with me fine but I think he shouldn't be with her either every since he met her things have gone down hill I'm not blaming it all on her but she introduce him to meth again and now he has a conect.


And you continue to rearrange the deck chairs on the Promenade deck of the Titanic.

His junkie girlfriend isn't the reason things have gone bad. Your *husband *is the reason things have gone to hell. He's a drug user, he's a failure as a husband, he's a failure as a father, and he's a failure as a human being. You're being WAY too short-sighted, thinking that if only he hadn't hooked up with this latest piece of ass, things would be right as rain and he'd be Husband and Father of the Year.

You need a PLAN. Hope is not a plan.

Your plan starts with a* lawyer*.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

I'm done being mad already went off on him.its a waste of engery.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Indgo said:


> I'm done being mad already went off on him.its a waste of engery.


Sometimes a person can harness the energy from being angry and use to move themselves along in the right direction. Nothing wrong with that.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

See a lawyer ASAP and only communicate with him through your lawyer. He can't just take the kids and sell the house. Their your kids and your house also. There are laws around this stuff. Given his history there is no happy ending here if you stay with him.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Well he stop by today he talk about how he couldn't trust me and then we talk so more he sad he was said about the situation and he started to cry and he doesn't know if we can have a fresh start then later before he left my phone started to buzz and he grabbed it and said who is texting you and he look through it and put it down and said I should stop looking through it or I will start to get jealous he hugged me and left. I been talking to my aunt and brother and they both think he's crazy.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

He may or not be crazy, but he is a selfish jerk! Stop giving him free rein to come and go into the house, stop having conversations with him. What an ass to go through YOUR phone when he is the one cheating! Why in the world are you tolerating this crap?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Indgo said:


> Well he stop by today he talk about how he couldn't trust me and then we talk so more he sad he was said about the situation and he started to cry and he doesn't know if we can have a fresh start then later before he left my phone started to buzz and he grabbed it and said who is texting you and he look through it and put it down and s*aid I should stop looking through it or I will start to get jealous* he hugged me and left. I been talking to my aunt and brother and they both think he's crazy.


You above post is confusing. Why would he tell you to stop looking through your own phone or you will get jealous? Was he looking through your phone? Or where you looking through his phone.

Crazy... that's what meth does to a person. It makes them crazy and paranoid. I've had the unfortunate experience of having some meth heads around me. Meth seriously screws up a person's head. They are also dangerous as they can fly off the handle and become violent at a drop of the hat.

He was probably high on meth when he was at your place today.

You need to get yourself and our children away from.


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## inging (Dec 11, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> You above post is confusing. Why would he tell you to stop looking through your own phone or you will get jealous? Was he looking through your phone? Or where you looking through his phone.
> 
> Crazy... that's what meth does to a person. It makes them crazy and paranoid. I've had the unfortunate experience of having some meth heads around me. Meth seriously screws up a person's head. They are also dangerous as they can fly off the handle and become violent at a drop of the hat.
> 
> ...


Please listen to EleGirl. 

You know that rainy day, the worst possible scenario. This is it. 

Your Husband is not the person you remember. You can not trust him at all. You can not trust your kids with him.
This is an emergency and you need to pull in any help you can from immediate family on your side.
*See that lawyer. *
There is no way he gets to decide anything in your life anymore, least of all the amount of child support he pays and custody!
*House. *
Get the lawyer to look at the payment you made.

*You *
If you are suffering a mental illness. Go see your Doctor and tell him/her what is happening . This scenario is very bad for anyone's mental health!


----------



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

He still comes over everyday and his mood changes from day to day he tried to take out a home line of credit but he got denied.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Good that he was denied a line of credit on you home. That could have been a disaster.

How's the divorce process going?


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Good that he was denied a line of credit on you home. That could have been a disaster.
> 
> How's the divorce process going?


 I will speak with a lawyer tomorrow I don't have the money and he doesn't either so I'm going to have to wait a while. I'm going to a as Avalon meeting soon I'm still in denial I don't think he's using


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Why the hell would you ever want to give a blatant cheater another chance!

Him returning to house is nothing more than a simple move made out of placation! There is not one ounce of love there!

Get to a lawyer's office and file ASAP! But only after having done "the 180" on his sorry, cheating a$$!*


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

He hasn't been paying the bills and his dad has been paying some of th bills and I needed to tell his dad the truth that he hasn't been working. So hos dad got in his a$$ and made him feel small and my husband called me and he put me down and talk about what I did in the past and he wants a divorce he really put me down. And he said the reason he didn't work cause he was depressed and suicidal and missing the other woman because she was out of town. I feel real bad about myself


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Indgo said:


> He hasn't been paying the bills and his dad has been paying some of th bills and I needed to tell his dad the truth that he hasn't been working. So hos dad got in his a$$ and made him feel small and my husband called me and he put me down and talk about what I did in the past and he wants a divorce he really put me down. And he said the reason he didn't work cause he was depressed and suicidal and missing the other woman because she was out of town. I feel real bad about myself


He put you down because his own dad laid out the consequences and he doesn’t like that. Like a bully. Putting others down and destroying their self-esteem in order to raise their own and feel better about themselves.

Can you go no contact at all other than the divorce or kids? Why do you feel like you need to still listen to this dribble?


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Indgo said:


> I'm seeming a lawyer next month but I'm a little scared cause he threaten to take the kids from me and sale the house. Oh by the way my mom life insurance paid for the house


If you can prove his meth usage, then I doubt a judge would give him custody.

Are you on drugs as well?


----------



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

BioFury said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > I'm seeming a lawyer next month but I'm a little scared cause he threaten to take the kids from me and sale the house. Oh by the way my mom life insurance paid for the house
> ...


----------



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Spoons027 said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > He hasn't been paying the bills and his dad has been paying some of th bills and I needed to tell his dad the truth that he hasn't been working. So hos dad got in his a$$ and made him feel small and my husband called me and he put me down and talk about what I did in the past and he wants a divorce he really put me down. And he said the reason he didn't work cause he was depressed and suicidal and missing the other woman because she was out of town. I feel real bad about myself
> ...


 he takes the kids to school in the morning. He was saying all these bad things on the phone I was arguing with him


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Indgo said:


> he takes the kids to school in the morning. He was saying all these bad things on the phone I was arguing with him


Why do you stay on the phone and argue with him? That's when you hang up.

You are letting him have too much space in your head and your life. 

If the two of you don't have the money for a divorce, maybe you could do the divorce yourself. There are self help websites and books.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need help in dealing with him.

Is there a women's advocacy group where you live?


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

This guy sounds completely untrustworthy if he wasn't on meth. The fact that he is takes it to another level. 

Get your own lawyer NOW. You don't have to be aggressive against your H but protect yourself and don't trust him.

You may also want to consider counselling for you, to deal with this.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Indgo said:


> He hasn't been paying the bills and his dad has been paying some of th bills and I needed to tell his dad the truth that he hasn't been working. So hos dad got in his a$$ and made him feel small and my husband called me and he put me down and talk about what I did in the past and he wants a divorce he really put me down. And he said the reason he didn't work cause he was depressed and suicidal and missing the other woman because she was out of town. I feel real bad about myself


For God's sake why the hell do you keep doing this to yourself?? STOP talking to him! Hang up on him when he starts this crap, and STOP letting him into your home! Why do you think you have to keep doing this? You are your own worst enemy here.


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## Stormguy2018 (Jul 11, 2018)

You need to get rid of this guy. He's a total loser.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > He hasn't been paying the bills and his dad has been paying some of th bills and I needed to tell his dad the truth that he hasn't been working. So hos dad got in his a$$ and made him feel small and my husband called me and he put me down and talk about what I did in the past and he wants a divorce he really put me down. And he said the reason he didn't work cause he was depressed and suicidal and missing the other woman because she was out of town. I feel real bad about myself
> ...


 first off I can't kick him out of the home it's our home he's not a physical threat and I don't want him to use it against me in court


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Indgo said:


> first off I can't kick him out of the home it's our home he's not a physical threat and I don't want him to use it against me in court


Did you speak to a lawyer about this? He moved out.

While he might be a joint owner, it's really not his residence anymore. Or at least you could reasonably argue that. And if it's not his residence, then he cannot enter the home whenever he wants.

It's just like when a person rents a home. The landlord owns the property, but cannot enter it at will.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Well everyday it's something with him it's mainly about the house I talk to the lawyer and well it could go either way. My husband is so hard up for money he gets conning up with ideas about the house I'm thinking he can't stay in that apartment with the other woman because she has a roommate. I don't know if he's using I can tell he's not using meth because the pupils dilate but he could be on some other stuff. Everyday he's in a different mood he's not stable.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

BruceBanner said:


> Why do you want another chance with someone who has disrespected you


Why do you want another chance with someone who's using meth? :|

Have you no self respect?


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

turnera said:


> Why do you want another chance with someone who's using meth? :|
> 
> Have you no self respect?


What are you talking about?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

BruceBanner said:


> What are you talking about?


The OP's husband uses meth. That's what she talkin about.


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## SweetAndSour (Feb 25, 2012)

Indgo,

Do you have any family member, a "GIRL" friend, a female neighbour, a pastor that you can talk ?

If you can't afford private counseling for yourself, you can talk to a counselor in your kids school. This is effecting your kids lives and their standing at school.

Don't be shy. You need to reach out.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

To be honest, he is manipulating. First, go see social services in your community. At the least, as he is not working, and using, you likely qualify for social assistance. That should relieve the pressure. Next, call the police. Have him arrested. You need this as it will successfully block any attempts to use the kids as leverage. A social worker can address this with you, but the best defence is a good offence. Before he gets the house away from you, get busy with social services, and have them recommend a lawyer that will take you for a lower fee.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

SweetAndSour said:


> Indgo,
> 
> Do you have any family member, a "GIRL" friend, a female neighbour, a pastor that you can talk ?
> 
> ...


 I talk to my sister and brother my brother thinks he's crazy and my sister thinks I be bettg
Without him


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

My aunt knows a lawyer and I can make payment plans yesterday my husband text me he says he's not doing well and he feels I'm trying to take everything from him and that I'm a malpitive person I ask him how and he says you just are. I feel he left me for the other woman you should just be happy so why is he trying to make me the bad guy


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Indgo said:


> My aunt knows a lawyer and I can make payment plans yesterday my husband text me he says he's not doing well and he feels I'm trying to take everything from him and that I'm a malpitive person I ask him how and he says you just are. I feel he left me for the other woman you should just be happy so why is he trying to make me the bad guy


He's doing what manipulative people do. He wants you to be the bad guy because then he feels better about himself. 

The big question is why do you even pay attention to the things he says that are putting you down? Just know that he's playing a game with you and don't play along.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > My aunt knows a lawyer and I can make payment plans yesterday my husband text me he says he's not doing well and he feels I'm trying to take everything from him and that I'm a malpitive person I ask him how and he says you just are. I feel he left me for the other woman you should just be happy so why is he trying to make me the bad guy
> ...


he made me feel bad once but I realize that he is not the man I married and he's not thinking about the kids. He wants to start his life over and he can't cause he's not working like he should and he feels obligated to me he said he feels obligated to me and I have house bills that are bad because he wasn't working before he left me. I don't feel sorry for him cause he did this and he's putting all the blame on me and I'm not falling for it anymore but he feels that I shouldn't be living rent free and that the house should be sold off and spilt it 50 50 he.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Indgo said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > Indgo said:
> ...


and he don't want lawyers invole.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Indgo said:


> My husband left me for the other woman last week and he's been coming to the house in the morning. Well sunday he started fixing stuff around the house that been broke for months. Well I told him I missed him he said he missed me too and left. He told me he still loves me and that I'm his best friend. The question I'm asking is do I have a chance with him and why did he come by to fix things? Also he is using meth with this. Woman


He tells you that so you always stay hoping, and waiting in the wings, in case the new woman doesn't work out. That might be hard to hear, but it's the truth.If he cared, he wouldn't have left you for another woman. And he doesn't care about her either. He's telling you he still misses you, and then tells her, that he loves her. it's all part of the narcissist's tool bag.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Indgo said:


> and he don't want lawyers invole.


And I want to win the lottery. Just because that's what your husband wants, doesn't mean he'll get it. To do any of this without your own legal representation is a dance with the devil.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Indgo said:


> My aunt knows a lawyer and I can make payment plans yesterday my husband text me he says he's not doing well and he feels I'm trying to take everything from him and that I'm a malpitive person I ask him how and he says you just are. I feel he left me for the other woman you should just be happy so why is he trying to make me the bad guy


Indgo, I'm going to guess nobody ever really put any effort into building you up as a child, challenging you to accomplish things, telling you that you could accomplish anything you put your mind to, telling you that you don't need a man in your life to be worthwhile. 

I have a youngish (45) friend who's a lot like you. She's bounced around from man to man, never put any concerted effort into bettering herself, could never be alone - without a man 'claiming' her. And at every turn, she's getting trashed, used, betrayed, because all she ever wants is to have a man say he wants her, and all she ever does is SAY she's going to be better, stronger, make better choices - and then bam! she's right back in trouble because no matter what she worked on, no matter what she put together to get ahead, she went and threw it all away AGAIN for a man. And of course, the men she's drawn to - because she has no self respect and doesn't think she deserves more - are pieces of ****. She's lost her kids because of men, lost homes, lost all her possessions - more than once, just because she keeps 'hoping' this man or that man will 'be the one.' 

Indgo, there IS no 'one.' You are a complete person in yourself. You don't NEED a man. You need a purpose. You need to figure out why you ended up on this earth and what you're going to do with your time on it. Just because you're female, it doesn't mean that female has to be with a man, ok?

Until you can get to that place in your life, PLEASE stay away from him or any other man. Get some help with a therapist who will show you your worth. Go out and make some female friends and do things with them. Find something you want to volunteer at - food pantry, dog shelter, teaching reading, whatever. Start accomplishing things. Start getting proud of yourself and realizing you can do and be anything you want. 

Once you start on that path, all of this craziness will fall by the wayside and you'll be shocked you wasted so much time and breathe on a POS man like him.

Oh, and GET THAT LAWYER!


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Indigo your STBX is manipulating in order to preserve funds so he can continue to get high. Get the lawyer and eject this toxicity from your life. He is an addict, so he will use every dirty trick to keep the money flowing. Don’t let him.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

turnera said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > My aunt knows a lawyer and I can make payment plans yesterday my husband text me he says he's not doing well and he feels I'm trying to take everything from him and that I'm a malpitive person I ask him how and he says you just are. I feel he left me for the other woman you should just be happy so why is he trying to make me the bad guy
> ...


 that's not the case I don't go from man to man also my childhood was very good. I use to want to save my marriage but not anymore also I have friends and I'm close to my sister and as far as getting away from him we have children.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Indgo said:


> that's not the case I don't go from man to man also my childhood was very good. I use to want to save my marriage but not anymore also I have friends and I'm close to my sister and as far as getting away from him we have children.


You misunderstand. That was my friend I was talking about. I was talking about you learning to have other priorities other than just staying married. 

Do you really want your kids growing up in a home where they see their dad cheat on their mom repeatedly? What does that teach them? And trust me, THEY WILL KNOW. And even the smallest thing can have a profound impact on their lives. My dad left when I was 12 and I knew he had cheated, but that's all I knew. I grew up thinking he dumped my mom and she spent the rest of her life alone, feeling worthless. I didn't find out until my 50s that he moved out but came back, tail between his legs, begging to come home - and she REFUSED! 

All my life, I thought women had no rights, had to find a way to keep a man or he would leave. When in reality, the women hold all the power!

So just keeping an intact home 'for my children' is, no offense, a poor excuse.

What would be a better learning experience for them? Letting them see you kicking his cheating ass out, make him FIGHT to get you back, and see you thrive on your own because you don't need a man. Maybe, someday, he can come back. Once he's turned into a better person.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

turnera said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > that's not the case I don't go from man to man also my childhood was very good. I use to want to save my marriage but not anymore also I have friends and I'm close to my sister and as far as getting away from him we have children.
> ...


 he doesn't live in the home and he can see his children anytime he wants


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Maybe that's an issue, then. Move ahead with a legal separation, let him see what divorce looks like; maybe that'll make him respect you more.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

He's having his cake and eating it. He wants the best If both worlds and will do it as long as you let him.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

daisygirl 41 said:


> He's having his cake and eating it. He wants the best If both worlds and will do it as long as you let him.


 well I don't see how he tried to sleep with me it didn't happened and I ask him don't you feel guilty since you with her he said a little.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

turnera said:


> Maybe that's an issue, then. Move ahead with a legal separation, let him see what divorce looks like; maybe that'll make him respect you more.


 he doesn't want to be with me so it doesn't matter he says he loves me just different and he calls me his friend as far as the respect he stop taking it out on me


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Indgo said:


> turnera said:
> 
> 
> > Maybe that's an issue, then. Move ahead with a legal separation, let him see what divorce looks like; maybe that'll make him respect you more.
> ...


we will get divorce


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Well he try to have sex with me I told him no and he text me yesterday talking about I'm a wonderful woman I wish he wouldn't say things like that


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Indgo said:


> well I don't see how he tried to sleep with me it didn't happened and I ask him don't you feel guilty since you with her he said a little.


Indgo, your WH is cake eating and you are allowing him to do so.
You must remember that a cheater generally sees things through a very different lens to a non cheater (you). The way you see the circumstances and what he is doing, expecting him to have guilt, a moral compass is not going to happen. He will happily have OW and you also without any remorse, guilt, moral mores etc. The sooner you see that the better for you and your children.


If he is no longer in the house, ask him to remove all his stuff immediately

Get separation papers or divorce papers, ask lawyer to organise him contributing financially
go scorched earth on him, he needs to see what he stands to lose, there is no point trying to reason or rationalise with a cheater
do the 180 on him immediately, no contact, no cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Act as if he is out of your life and only visiting the kids
ask him to set up times and dates to visit the kids, he is not allowed to wander in and out of your house

And yes, you will take everything from him if he insists in walking all over you and expecting you to lie down and take it. Grow some back bone, you are not just doing this for you but for your children. No child should see one parent treat the other parent like dirt, that leaves emotional scars that are hard to heal. Take action, people here are trying to help you. It may seem counter intuitive but it must be done to make progress.

You said:
he doesn't want to be with me so it doesn't matter he says he loves me just different and he calls me his friend as far as the respect he stop taking it out on me"

Yet he tries to sleep with you, he is using you, he wants to have it all. Please take action.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Indgo said:


> Well he try to have sex with me I told him no and he text me yesterday talking about I'm a wonderful woman I wish he wouldn't say things like that


He only wants to use you. Don't let him.


----------



## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Indgo said:


> My husband left me for the other woman last week and he's been coming to the house in the morning. Well sunday he started fixing stuff around the house that been broke for months. Well I told him I missed him he said he missed me too and left. He told me he still loves me and that I'm his best friend. The question I'm asking is do I have a chance with him and why did he come by to fix things? Also he is using meth with this. Woman


1) Meth? You don't want him or to have anything to do with him.
2) Be grateful he's fixing up the house, because you are going to need to sell it soon.


----------



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

DustyDog said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > My husband left me for the other woman last week and he's been coming to the house in the morning. Well sunday he started fixing stuff around the house that been broke for months. Well I told him I missed him he said he missed me too and left. He told me he still loves me and that I'm his best friend. The question I'm asking is do I have a chance with him and why did he come by to fix things? Also he is using meth with this. Woman
> ...


I'm not going to need to sale it my house is paid for.


----------



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > Well he try to have sex with me I told him no and he text me yesterday talking about I'm a wonderful woman I wish he wouldn't say things like that
> ...


I'm not letting him use me


----------



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Well it's been almost a week we get along and he takes the kids to school he seems like his normal self don't know if he's using. Hasn't ask about saling the house or getting a divorce. But I don't want to be with. Him he also is paying the bills. I just started my job so it be a while before I can't get a lawyer



cleared. He takes the kids to


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Indigo, he is probably getting into your good books because he wants something from you, do not be taken in.
Quietly get all your ducks in a row.
1. Do the 180 on him, communicate only about kids and house
2. Work hard an doubt money aside
3. Go see a lawyer to see what your options are
4. DO NOT rug sweep what he has done
5. Get yourself some counselling or therapy to build up your self esteem
6. Confide in close friend or sibling, someone you can trust and rely on to get you through this
7. If you want this marriage to work, you need to set boundaries for him
He must stop using, must go to NA, do not sleep with him. Set times when he can come to the house, not whenever he feels like it.


----------



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Well today was kind of crazy he said he has thoughts of suicide and it's because of finances and the session he made by begging with her. I don't feel sorry for him he made his choice I just don't get it he decided to be with her if that what makes him happy why be suicidal and another thing he should be talking to her about this


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Offer to call 911


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Indgo said:


> Well today was kind of crazy he said he has thoughts of suicide and it's because of finances and the session he made by begging with her. I don't feel sorry for him he made his choice I just don't get it he decided to be with her if that what makes him happy why be suicidal and another thing he should be talking to her about this


He's playing you. Typical self centered cheater, damages his family but then looks for sympathy from the very person he is abusing. You realize this is abusive right?
Do not fall for it. Tell him he is no longer your problem. Tell him to call 911 and let the men in the white coats take him away.


----------



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

aine said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > Well today was kind of crazy he said he has thoughts of suicide and it's because of finances and the session he made by begging with her. I don't feel sorry for him he made his choice I just don't get it he decided to be with her if that what makes him happy why be suicidal and another thing he should be talking to her about this
> ...


 how is it abusive I just think he's crazy him telling me he's suicidal he didn't get anything out of it


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My ex-fiance also threatened to kill himself after I found out about his cheating and broke up with him. Also told me he had to drop out of school, he was so distraught. He was so distraught he had gotten married within a year.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

turnera said:


> My ex-fiance also threatened to kill himself after I found out about his cheating and broke up with him. Also told me he had to drop out of school, he was so distraught. He was so distraught he had gotten married within a year.


First, what an awful man! Second, exactly, OP. He is trying to manipulate you. That you don't see it is concerning.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Indgo said:


> how is it abusive I just think he's crazy him telling me he's suicidal he didn't get anything out of it


Every time someone is kind enough to take the time to reply to your extremely hard-to-comprehend posts, you argue with them.

Either you're *looking* for advice or you're only willing to listen to what you want to hear. Everyone has told you over and over and over and over and over and over that this useless, lying, sneaky, underhanded loser is* USING* you and he's *MANIPULATING* you, and you continually argue with everyone and tell them they're wrong. We can only go by what you're telling us, and what you're telling us is that he's a user and a manipulator and a damned snake.

What exactly is it you want to hear? That the degenerate meth smoker who deserted you and your kids to be with his side piece and who didn't give a rat's ass how you've managed to feed the kids he deserted is suddenly going to turn a page and become a decent person? That the ass-hole who threatened to take your kids away from you in court (no judge would give this piece of **** custody of a *goldfish* much less actual human children) and who thinks he's entitled to a house YOU bought with your mother's inheritance is going to suddenly become a decent human being? You have a better chance of shaking hands with Jesus than you have of that.

You're just waiting around for Prince Charming to come back to you and sadly, you'll be right there to welcome him with open arms. It's so painfully obvious in all your posts.

I refuse to feed the delusion that this POS is worth taking back. He isn't - no matter HOW many self-help books you try to get him to read.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Indgo said:


> how is it abusive I just think he's crazy him telling me he's suicidal he didn't get anything out of it


He treats you like ****, then manipulates you with his suicidal thoughts.you then give him sympathy, though it should be the other way round. I’m sorry Indio, but he has you so confused you cannot protect yourself from this man.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Every time someone is kind enough to take the time to reply to your extremely hard-to-comprehend posts, you argue with them.
> 
> Either you're *looking* for advice or you're only willing to listen to what you want to hear. Everyone has told you over and over and over and over and over and over that this useless, lying, sneaky, underhanded loser is* USING* you and he's *MANIPULATING* you, and you continually argue with everyone and tell them they're wrong. We can only go by what you're telling us, and what you're telling us is that he's a user and a manipulator and a damned snake.
> 
> ...


Wish I could like this times one thousand:smthumbup::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > how is it abusive I just think he's crazy him telling me he's suicidal he didn't get anything out of it
> ...


 I understand what your saying I'm not falling for it I haven't give in to him besides he's with the other woman I'm getting along for the sack of the children


----------



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > how is it abusive I just think he's crazy him telling me he's suicidal he didn't get anything out of it
> ...





Indgo said:


> She'sStillGotIt said:
> 
> 
> > Indgo said:
> ...


 I see what he is doing. I came on here to get everyone's input since you don't everything how I'm handling I think is the best way
He wants to be friends I see nothing wrong with it. I'm done being mad and sad and he made his choice even though it's wrong what he did to me he ask me to forgive him and that he is sorry. I don't want to be bitter and vengeful.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

You can avoid bitterness without being his friend. You dont have to understand him.

Continuing to engage him is choosing drama. Maybe you like drama?


----------



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> You can avoid bitterness without being his friend. You dont have to understand him.
> 
> Continuing to engage him is choosing drama. Maybe you like drama?


 no I don't like drama it's been two weeks and so far so good


----------



## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Indgo said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > You can avoid bitterness without being his friend. You dont have to understand him.
> ...


and I want to be his friend and he wants to be mine doesn't hurt


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Indgo said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > personofinterest said:
> ...


In that case you know exactly what you are signing up for, you are CHOOSING it, and no complaints or hand-wringing will be necessary when what we all know will happen happens. Because you KNOW exactly what YOU are choosing.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

We usually have a choice in the friends that we keep. We also have a choice in the spouses we stayed married to. However, why you would choose this loser of a WH as a friend is beyond me, are you looking for punishment? You can keep him at arms lenght, purely as the father of your kids, be civil and perfunctory (merely for the sake of the kids and an easy life) but why would you want him as a friend. Surely you have higher standards for yourself, or ought to.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

aine said:


> We usually have a choice in the friends that we keep. We also have a choice in the spouses we stayed married to. However, why you would choose this loser of a WH as a friend is beyond me, are you looking for punishment? You can keep him at arms lenght, purely as the father of your kids, be civil and perfunctory (merely for the sake of the kids and an easy life) but why would you want him as a friend. Surely you have higher standards for yourself, or ought to.


:iagree::iagree:


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Well my husband said he don't know what to do meaning he don't know if he should leave the other woman he told me they been arguing then he says I'm with her right now,and if me and him are ment to be together it will happen. I just look at him like he's crazy every time I take three steps forward he says something and I take 2 steps back. For 14years when he said something he ment it now I have to train myself when he says something it's bs.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Perfect time to start moving on with your life. As my therapist said, if you move forward, he has a choice to run to catch up to you, or lose you.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

turnera said:


> Perfect time to start moving on with your life. As my therapist said, if you move forward, he has a choice to run to catch up to you, or lose you.


 that's what I'm doing and I thank you for not begining mean. I take it one day at a time. I just want to be friends with him. I will always love him


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

* Indgo
he says I'm with her right now,and if me and him are ment to be together it will happen.*

"Meant to be" that is just cake eating BS. What it really means he wants what feels convenient at the time and is nor willing to decide. It isn't much different than telling an employer he will show up for work when the spirit moves him. How many people like that keep their job?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"he don't know if he should leave the other woman he told me they been arguing then he says I'm with her right now,and if me and him are ment to be together it will happen."

You should NOT let this put you two steps back. This is pure crapola -- he is just stringing you along as plan B. OK, HE may not know if he should leave her, but make it easy and decide for him that he should stay with HER and leave you alone. You don't need to be treated like this -- you are worth much more than that. You may love him, but this is not a good person to be friends with, and CERTAINLY not good to be married to. He doesn't put you first -- that should be all you need to know.

Very sorry you are going through this.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Indgo said:


> that's what I'm doing and I thank you for not begining mean. I take it one day at a time. I just want to be friends with him. I will always love him


Indgo, you have to get HONEST with yourself and see that it is not possible to move forward while you have any kind of contact with him. You have to stop being co-dependent, that is what you are and do a full 180. Get a lawyer and ask him to contact you through the lawyer or via email only. He can no longer visit your house or pop in when he wants.
Cant you see that he has you and her and is cake eating big time. He will continue to do this to you while you bury your head in the sand and push the line of being friends. Friends do not **** on their friends, treat them like garbage, lie to them and kick them when they are down. This is what he is doing. If you cannot see this, then you need some major counselling.

AND I am not being mean. I want you to wake up! and see what this excuse for a husband is doing to you. Is your self esteem so low that you are willing to let him tramp all over your boundaries?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Indgo said:


> that's what I'm doing and I thank you for not begining mean. I take it one day at a time. I just want to be friends with him. I will always love him


Indgo, I read the first 7 pages of this thread where member after member tried to tell you that you're being used and manipulated and you either ignored everyone or told us all how 'wrong' we are.

That's why I wrote my 'mean' post to you - because nothing's been getting through to you. You have this deluded view that you're going to be 'friends' with a person whose done you so damned DIRTY there are literally NO words for it.

He's lied to you, he's cheated on you, he destroyed your family by breaking it apart when he *deserted* you, he's deserted your children (where the hell is your anger at him for hurting these children????) and he's allowed you to basically SINK financially because he claims to be 'suicidal' and can't work due to stress about his his other woman and finances.

Are you friggen KIDDING me??

What kind of festering low life doesn't give a **** about how his kids are going to *eat *because he's too worried about his "future" with his side piece of ass that he deserted his family for????

I would knock this vile degenerate right into next Tuesday if I were you.

Instead, here you are chatting about wanting to be 'friends' with him and talking about how you still love him and all this nonsense and acting as though he's a good guy because the unemployed fool has all the time in the world to take the kids to school in the morning. Big freakin' deal. God knows where their next meal will come from or their next pair of shoes when they outgrow the ones they're currently wearing, but hey - Father of the Year takes them to school so it's all good.

What you *should* be doing is going down to the courthouse and getting a CHILD SUPPORT ORDER in place, whether Romeo is working or not. It's FREE to do and you don't need a lawyer so go down and do it today. The court doesn't give a **** about his nonsense excuses for not working. He's a grown ass man who chose to have kids and he's responsible for them - period. So the debt will keep accruing on him while the lazy ass sits around doing nothing and begging others to pay his bills for him. 

My last post wasn't 'mean' just to be mean It was *realistic* and so is this one. Continually swallowing your pride and kissing this guy's ass and wanting to be 'friends' because he comes around to use you while he waits to find out what his piece of ass wants to do is the epitome of *disrespecting yourself*. And this pig actually hit you up for sex? I thought he was so 'suicidal' about his OW and their future? What a disgusting, worthless POS.

And the saddest part of all is that in the end, you'll happily be right there ready to welcome him back home should his lady love get sober for a day or two and realize what a loser he_ really_ is. And then, because he has no one else to mooch off of rent-free, you'd 'win' this prize by default - which would make you *Plan B*. The option he made sure to keep open while he waited to see where things were going with the Bride of Frankenstein.

Why on *earth *you'd want to be 'friends' with someone who has disrespected you every single possible way a person can be disrespected is simply a mystery for the ages.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> You can avoid bitterness without being his friend. You dont have to understand him.
> 
> Continuing to engage him is choosing drama. Maybe you like drama?


You definitely don't have to understand him, for you to know what he's about. Observe his actions, not words.

Somethings are beyond understanding, the leading thing is why another person is doing what they're doing. 

Trying to understand where impossible and unnecessary can drive one up the wall.

Let that part go. Take care of yourself.

Good luck.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Indgo said:
> 
> 
> > that's what I'm doing and I thank you for not begining mean. I take it one day at a time. I just want to be friends with him. I will always love him
> ...


 he is working and he gives me money and once a week he takes the kids out. I don't want him back and you can love someone and not want to be wi5h them. I'm done beginning mad I'm over it. Yes me and him got into a couple of arguments and those issues are resolved.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > You can avoid bitterness without being his friend. You dont have to understand him.
> ...


 you are right


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

jlg07 said:


> "he don't know if he should leave the other woman he told me they been arguing then he says I'm with her right now,and if me and him are ment to be together it will happen."
> 
> You should NOT let this put you two steps back. This is pure crapola -- he is just stringing you along as plan B. OK, HE may not know if he should leave her, but make it easy and decide for him that he should stay with HER and leave you alone. You don't need to be treated like this -- you are worth much more than that. You may love him, but this is not a good person to be friends with, and CERTAINLY not good to be married to. He doesn't put you first -- that should be all you need to know.
> You are right about me beginning plan b but he can forget that.
> Very sorry you are going through this.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Indigo, 
Please stop being his emotional yo-yo. He draws you in, then pushes you away. All this says to me is he is emotionally abusive. Do yourself a major favor; cut him off. I want you to go and live your life as a single woman. Go out with friends, take classes, develop other interests, AND ghost this fool. If he did not see the innate quality in you, and ditched you for an easy lay, what in the world do you need from this idiot? You are not his plan A, and he should be an "ex" and nothing more.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

You have to move on. We know it's scary to start over but this man is no good. There may have been a time when he was a good husband and father but he's no longer that man. Doesn't mean that things can't be turned around but he needs to hit rock bottom. Only when he's broken feels the pain of not having you and the kids can he start to climb up. 

But right now he's high on having a new woman. The high he's on is causing him to forget the wife of his youth and even his kids. 

You have to now do the 180. This is for you to detach.
Start taking care of your appearance. (hair, clothes, hit the gym.) 

These are to boost your confidence, not to hit the dating scene. It's way to soon for you. But in time, either he will come on hands and knees or some other man will spot the jewel some fool left unprotected.

BTW: He comes to the house to fix things because he's feeling guilty. Thinks doing such things will undo all the F'd up things he's done to you and the family.


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## Indgo (Dec 25, 2014)

Um last night I told him how I feel and that he's not allowed in the house and I don't want to see him and we can't be friends because I will always want to be with him the reason I decided this is because he kept giving me mix signals and he still on meth. He told me he felt stagnet and I told him I was holding on to the marriage and I didn't know if I should let go and he told me he didn't know and that he might have a ephifney to be with me in a couple of months. I'm just tired of him and I'm getting off the roller coaster. I'm going to file for divorce as soon as. Possible I don't know what I was thinking I guess I was trying to save my family I just wish I didn't love him.


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