# Alcoholism has ruined our marriage



## Ednamay

Recently, I have decided to quit drinking. I told my husband that I was done with that phase of my life. When we married ten years ago, I was a bartender and I drank and partied quite a bit. We hit it off. Everything was fine until our first child was born...I changed (as I should have). I began to feel emotionally detached with my husband as he spent his time drinking in the garage and "tinkering". I confronted him then and nothing changed. While his drinking was regular and heavy, mine was sporadic and over the top...always a black out, bruises, etc. I was even found in the street passed out after running out of a bar at a bachelorette party, cars swerving around me. I've put my life at risk while drinking more than once. I've told my husband many of times that I want to stop, but because he has a problem, he still brings beer in the house. I go to bed every night by myself, money problems becaue of his lack of motivation, and completely emotionally detached from him because he is never around...he is always in the garage drinking or smoking pot. I've done great with not drinking, but am resentful that he is not supportive and tempts me by bringing it in and getting drunk himself. I have two beautiful daughters who are young, but will soon see what is going on. I want to quit because I love them and want to never ever have them see my disastrous drinking side, but my husband is fine with me drinking...I can't complain if I'm doing it. I know he loves me and his daughters, but he won't stop. He even hides it. I'm ten years in this marriage, but have read so many stories of people spending 20 or 30 years in this! I can't imagine that, but I also can't imagine moving into an apartment with my duaghters....I'm taking away their backyard, trampoline, tree house...I keep hoping and dreaming that we will become the family I really want and our kids will have a good life, but I'm starting to believe this is not possible in this marriage...


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## Cherry

Unfortunately, you can not get your H to stop. You can only offer consequences if he continues, and those consequences for you may involve giving up the life you've known for 10 years  Are there any abuse issues when your H is drunk? 
You are doing the right thing for you and your daughters. Don't let your H push alcohol on you. If you're anything like me, you'll take inventory of your life and see just how harmful alcohol has been and like you, I don't want that for my young children.


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## Ednamay

No, no abuse....just neglect and a bunch of doing it on my own because he is hungover many mornings. Also, financial problems because of his lack of motivation...a very lonely and stressful marriage. I've given ultimatums before and even filed paperwork for a legal seperation...he slowly works alcohol back in a few at a time after saying he knows it is a problem. Eventually I'll join him in the garage...it's really the only time we sit down and talk and hang out...in his setting under his circumstances. I'm tired of it though, know it's not good, and want to change it, but worried to death about the impact on my girls...I never wanted to be a single struggling mom and am so resentful.
Thanks for your response.


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## Ednamay

I just had the talk with my husband. He always comes around when I am "over it". He wants to take us all to the local lake for fishing, but I told him I'm not going...have a daddy-daughter day. I told him I've "checked-out" and am finished...this is no longer a family. He told me he wants to drop drinking and smoking, but I've heard it all before. I've cried over all this before...now again, he is going to stop. He's said that and sneaked his alcohol in and waited till we all go to bed...now I've told him his late nights by himself, me by myself has completely detached me and I don't love him like that anymore...he still wants to try and begged me to go fishing with the girls. It ended with me telling him I don't want to pretend this is a happy day, get my hopes up, and be dissapointed weeks, months, and years down the line. I just can't believe him that he is going to stop...especially because he is doing it for me and not him, especially because he has said it all before. I'm so tired of this emotional rollercoaster and feel so guilty because he says he wants to stop. This cycle of alcoholism sucks and is so not fair...I hate that my family is breaking up and I seem to be the initiator.


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## Cherry

Ednamay said:


> I just had the talk with my husband. He always comes around when I am "over it". He wants to take us all to the local lake for fishing, but I told him I'm not going...have a daddy-daughter day. I told him I've "checked-out" and am finished...this is no longer a family. He told me he wants to drop drinking and smoking, but I've heard it all before. I've cried over all this before...now again, he is going to stop. He's said that and sneaked his alcohol in and waited till we all go to bed...now I've told him his late nights by himself, me by myself has completely detached me and I don't love him like that anymore...he still wants to try and begged me to go fishing with the girls. It ended with me telling him I don't want to pretend this is a happy day, get my hopes up, and be dissapointed weeks, months, and years down the line. I just can't believe him that he is going to stop...especially because he is doing it for me and not him, especially because he has said it all before. I'm so tired of this emotional rollercoaster and feel so guilty because he says he wants to stop. This cycle of alcoholism sucks and is so not fair...I hate that my family is breaking up and I seem to be the initiator.


Have you ever looked into alanon? I'm assuming you are familiar with AA, its an extension of that for family and loved ones of alcoholics (addicts), if you haven't heard about it.


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## Ednamay

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ednamay

Yes, but I don't want to learn to live with one. I just want to end this. I told him I can't believe he's going to quit. I guess we'll sleep seperately and I will ignore him. I'm sure he won't drink for a bit, but like I've heard, you can't trust an alcoholic. I'm going to focus on me and my daughters and silently suffer inside over our failed marriage. This sucks! I'll be ready for a move come spring when some loans are paid off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sara Ann

I hear spunk in your writing, like you are making choices about what you will do. Only you can decide what you will do. Take the next indicated step. In action, you will feel empowered. Whatever that action is for you.


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