# My girlfriend cheated, any advice welcomed



## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

O.k so my girlfriend has recently posted our story on here so i will give you the link so i don't need to write it out again.....

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/62217-i-cheated-i-dont-know-why.html

What she didn't mention was the fact that i have a friend in the police and have managed to get hold of CCTV of the incident, gratefully to my friend as he had to do this illegally. Anyway her story checks out, she hasn't seen the video but everything she told me from day one turns out to be true, there are a couple of things that the video couldn't confirm but my own tests have confirmed them for me.

So another words everything she has said is true, i feel that we can recover from this but it still hurts badly, is there any advice you can offer that will speed up the heeling? its been around 6 weeks and things have started to feel better but the hurt is still there.

I appreciate that this is an odd one compared to the other stories on here for whom i feel badly for but any advice is welcomed.


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## NewtoThisMarriageThing (Oct 17, 2012)

I saw her post and genuinely felt her remorse/regret but at the same time, I wonder what if the guy was attractive and not "small". .... only you know what you can deal with. And how it's going to affect you. Forgiveness is great but don't stick around blindly


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## lionsguy22 (Dec 2, 2012)

She did stop it pretty quick. Up to you, you have no kids so leaving her is comparatively easy. 
I also give her credit for telling you right away. I also wonder if he was attractive and hung what would have happend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

NewtoThisMarriageThing said:


> I saw her post and genuinely felt her remorse/regret but at the same time, I wonder what if the guy was attractive and not "small". .... only you know what you can deal with. And how it's going to affect you. Forgiveness is great but don't stick around blindly


On seeing the video, i would call this guy unattractive, when she first told me about him being small and not going in,i was suspicious, this is going to sound crude but i had her remove what she was wearing down below, i could clearly smell condom on her upper legs, i told her to spread her lips, i put my finger in and there was absolutely no smell of condom.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

You should leave her. Infidelity while dating? to continue to be with her is a huge risk. 

Right now, if you were betting your money would be on leaving her and finding someone who wouldN'T cheat. 

Cause if you two wind up getting married, and having 2.6 kids shes pretty much in your life for good. =/

Whereas now you can get out damage free.


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## lionsguy22 (Dec 2, 2012)

She did "pull her stuff down" aka pull down her pants and panties so he could enter her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

lionsguy22 said:


> She did stop it pretty quick. Up to you, you have no kids so leaving her is comparatively easy.
> I also give her credit for telling you right away. I also wonder if he was attractive and hung what would have happend.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We have 2 kids, i asked her the same thing, she said it wasn't a choice to follow him as a person, in her drunken state it could have been me a neighbour or an overweight dwarf with warts and it wouldn't have made a difference. She doesn't drink generally, iv seen her drunk like that before and if i said go jump off a roof she would.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

LMAO...now...all of a sudden YOUR Shift key is broken. First post you did fine. Now this.

You spread her lips and put your finger in to see if you could smell condom?!!! Come on.

EDIT: You're even writing "iv" the same way "she" does.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

mark112 said:


> i had her remove what she was wearing down below, i could clearly smell condom on her upper legs, i told her to spread her lips, i put my finger in and there was absolutely no smell of condom.


:scratchhead:


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

Kasler said:


> You should leave her. Infidelity while dating? to continue to be with her is a huge risk.
> 
> Right now, if you were betting your money would be on leaving her and finding someone who would cheat.
> 
> ...


We have 2 kids and i disagree with you as she really is not the type of person who would do this, i strongly bileave she made a drunken mistake. Also she has said unless she is with me she will never drink that much again and will never put herself in that kind of stupid situation ever again


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## lionsguy22 (Dec 2, 2012)

I wouldn't let the drunk thing be used as an excuse.

If you have a car accident sober it's an accident.
Have a car accident drunk- it's your fault you and you go to jail
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

lionsguy22 said:


> I wouldn't let the drunk thing be used as an excuse.
> 
> If you have a car accident sober it's an accident.
> Have a car accident drunk- it's your fault you and you go to jail
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Absolutely, she doesn't really use it as an excuse, however i don't feel, being the kind of person she is, it would have happened sober, also if a taxi had been a minute sooner it wouldn't have happened either


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> LMAO...now...all of a sudden YOUR Shift key is broken. First post you did fine. Now this.
> 
> You spread her lips and put your finger in to see if you could smell condom?!!! Come on.
> 
> EDIT: You're even writing "iv" the same way "she" does.


??


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

MrK said:


> :scratchhead:


I know but how else could i confirm this? I had to find out otherwise its a big difference


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## lionsguy22 (Dec 2, 2012)

Smelly condom!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Wow... i'm such a fool.

We are obviously getting played here folks. What guy checks his woman's legs and genitals after she admits an affair. 
What is this... the 13th Century?

U have a police friend get the camera footage? On what cause, no crime was committed. Cops just can't walk in and demand the tapes.

Troll post!
Both of them!!!


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Rob774 said:


> Wow... i'm such a fool.
> 
> We are obviously getting played here folks. What guy checks his woman's legs and genitals after she admits an affair.
> What is this... the 13th Century?
> ...


Watching each of their profiles and seeing one logging in while the other one just posted and the syntax of the posts...

How can you say troll!?!! :rofl:


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

Rob774 said:


> Wow... i'm such a fool.
> 
> We are obviously getting played here folks. What guy checks his woman's legs and genitals after she admits an affair.
> What is this... the 13th Century?
> ...


How else could i confirm this? trust me its not something i wanted to do but i needed to be sure it didn't go in there


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> Watching each of their profiles and seeing one logging in while the other one just posted and the syntax of the posts...
> 
> How can you say troll!?!! :rofl:


O.k if you feel that way, please leave the thread


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Ok JB. Good luck.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

SomedayDig said:


> Watching each of their profiles and seeing one logging in while the other one just posted and the syntax of the posts...
> 
> How can you say troll!?!! :rofl:


To be fair, in my small tenure here, i've only come across these like once every 6-8 months or so. Its just a shame, cause the more it happens, the more we become speculative of new posters stories.

To the OP... if you are legit, you have my humblest apalogies, and i hope the very best for you and your wife. Its just the way you've described your actions, raises the eyebrows of people who've been doing this for some time. I can't help but notice my spidey-sense tingling the instant you mentioned the camera, and it went full alarm when i read the leg / vaginal check.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> Ok JB. Good luck.


I never read that guy's post, but from what I've heard, weren't his stories more...well, better written?
Like, actual skill and thought went into writing them? 

This doesn't strike me as the same person...unless he is that good.


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

Rob774 said:


> To be fair, in my small tenure here, i've only come across these like once every 6-8 months or so. Its just a shame, cause the more it happens, the more we become speculative of new posters stories.
> 
> To the OP... if you are legit, you have my humblest apalogies, and i hope the very best for you and your wife. Its just the way you've described your actions, raises the eyebrows of people who've been doing this for some time. I can't help but notice my spidey-sense tingling the instant you mentioned the camera, and it went full alarm when i read the leg / vaginal check.


 Well all i can say is its legit, and when your confronted with this kind of news, you do silly things but i needed to know another man had not been inside my girl


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

mark, she was raped.. There was no consent and she was drunk


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

mark112 said:


> Well all i can say is its legit, and when your confronted with this kind of news, you do silly things *but i needed to know another man had not been inside my girl*


Uh...she just admitted to you that another man *WAS *inside her. So.....


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> mark, she was raped.. There was no consent and she was drunk


I do think this also, i don't have any knowledge of what effects drugs would have, would she still beable to remember?


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You might get rape, if you can prove he drugged her---otherwise no rape---he didn't physically manhandle her---she went with him willingly---she followed him into the woods, and she pulled down her own clothes---so where is the rape

If you decide to stay---what needs to happen, is that she gets some major boundaries---with one consequence if they are violated---that consequence being the end of your relationship

She needs to switch her hours to daytime, where she comes home from work at dinnertime---so she will never be in this type of situation again---she needs to stop ALCOHOL, in all ways, shapes, and forms----and she needs to start an AA program.-----also she needs to learn how to say no------even falling down drunks know right from wrong, and have some idea of what is going on----so unless she actually was drugged---her line of I allowed him to walk with me, and I followed him into a field, were things she chose to allow to happen

Also her judgement is pretty poor, even if drunk---why would she allow a TOTAL stranger to even walk out the door with her---he could have been a criminal, a psycho, and obviously he is a pervert-----she is gonna have to stop using the sauce---no matter what---and she needs I C, about making choices!!!!!


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> Uh...she just admitted to you that another man *WAS *inside her. So.....


No she didn't say anyone was inside her that's my point, if you read the story.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Mark, so what kind of advice are you seeking from us? If what you and your girlfriend described happened, this seems more like a matter for the police.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

This is six week old news. Obviously you're coping with it somehow.

So...advice. See a counselor. You don't want to.

Okay. What else is there to say? Oh...read some books on this.

Hmm. What else? Oh. She needs to quit her job. Her supposed friend and her boyfriend allowed her to go off with a ********* unescorted.

Some friends!


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

JCD said:


> This is six week old news. Obviously you're coping with it somehow.
> 
> So...advice. See a counselor. You don't want to.
> 
> ...


She has changed her job, they was not really friends, but i said the same thing also.


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

JCD said:


> This is six week old news. Obviously you're coping with it somehow.
> 
> So...advice. See a counselor. You don't want to.
> 
> ...


Really to see if there's a certain way of dealing with the hurt, for the first two weeks i was very depressed, couldn't eat or sleep, unable to feel happy in any way.

After that my apatite came back but everything else has stayed, its a constant thought in my head, no matter what im doing its there and even things unrelated to it seem to make me think of it.

I know all the details of what happened, should i stop talking about it now? try to stop it playing over and over in my head? and just get on with life now.

Also will it ever go away, or will it always be there in the back of my mind?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

If everything here is true, then I agree with Warlock and The Count. I don't think this would have happened w/o the alcohol & possibly anything else in her drink.

This thread can help you talk this out so that you gradually feel better, I suppose, but it won't go on forever and it won't give you proper counseling or relief.

Go get some professional counseling help for both your partner and yourself.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

mark112 said:


> its a constant thought in my head, no matter what im doing its there and even things unrelated to it seem to make me think of it.
> 
> I know all the details of what happened, should i stop talking about it now? try to stop it playing over and over in my head? and just get on with life now.
> 
> Also will it ever go away, or will it always be there in the back of my mind?


Will what ever go away?

The incident, which you admit she is not at fault?
Or the suspicion that she was complicit in this?

If it's the incident, then that'll fade over time, but it will always be there somewhere in your mind, it won't be as prevalent as it is right now, expect it to take at least a year to begin to fade.

If it's the thought that she was complicit in this, then that's a whole different ball game.

She needs to stay out of bars alone, no drinking alone, no working in bars.

T


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I would NEVER marry anyone again who cheated on me while dating. Big mistake! The cheating continued after we married. I left and found a faithful man.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She said that she was stumbling as she walked.

Did she say anything about a block of time that she cannot remember.

She drank herself into a drunk stupper. Legally a person cannot consent to sex when that drunk. There is a possibility of her being drugged.

Legally this is probably rape. He knew that she was drunk to an extent of having to control.

Mark, you can get over this if she does what is necessary to protect from such an incident again. She cannot drink. She should never drink again unless she's in a safe environment... like if you are there with her and will stay with her until sober.

She should probably never drink again actually.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Is it just me......

Can anyone else not observe the similarity in the way the two of them write? Anna, Mark, Laurie...JB?


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Mark, if you are going to move on from this and forgive her, I would suggest some AA meetings for her at least. If a person gets that out of control while drunk, then they simply shouldn't drink. I don't her age, but in post she said you have been together 12 years, so I guessing at least she is in her 30's (?). Too old to still be getting drunk like that with no control. Just a thought. Good luck


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## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

barbados said:


> Mark, if you are going to move on from this and forgive her, I would suggest some AA meetings for her at least. If a person gets that out of control while drunk, then they simply shouldn't drink. I don't her age, but in post she said you have been together 12 years, so I guessing at least she is in her 30's (?). Too old to still be getting drunk like that with no control. Just a thought. Good luck


No the problem isn't drink as such, its that she doesn't drink normally, hence why the one time she did, she got out of control.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

She could of had date rape drugs slipped into her drinks. Though she should of not been out drinking alone.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

She said she pulled her stuff down so he can enter,I don't think that counts as rape.

I don't know much about date rape drugs but I think those would make her unconscious which she wasn't.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

BjornFree said:


> Is it just me......
> 
> Can anyone else not observe the similarity in the way the two of them write? Anna, Mark, Laurie...JB?


Not just you.

This would be the first time CCTV was mounted in the trees to catch what was going on under the foliage, presumably dark there too or else they have spotlights mounted in the branches. But you wouldn't screw a girl under spotlights. 

So it is unlikely true that "everything" she says was confirmed by CCTV and it has already been noted that the cop allegedly obtained the CCTV illegally. In combination this is a preposterous story. 

About the best you can do is claim CCTV caught them turning off the sidewalk and then calculating how much time it took for the return. But that is what you would say if that is what happened. You still have the "little" problem of the cop breaking the law to get the video when the circumstances are so ripe for rape charges and the video being the exact tool you would use in order to investigate that potential. 

So I am not buying it as told.


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