# HELP! My husband has never given me an orgasm



## Country Apple

Guys I need some help. I have been married to my husband for almost 5 years and I have never had an orgasm with him. Ever. I have not hid this from my husband, but I rarely bring it up. On the rare occasion that I do bring it up he says that he has tried to give me an orgasm and that there is something wrong with me because he has been able to give other women orgasms before we were married. 

I have no problem giving myself an orgasm I don't think that is the case. I should also say I am attracted to my husband and do enjoy making love, but the lack of an orgasm is bothering me. I rarely deny him sex even though he does not satisfy me. I one time made the mistake of trying to give my self an orgasm after he was done. This really annoyed and insulted him and I have never done it again. 

The biggest problem is my husband does not believe in foreplay at all. After 5 years though, I am getting tired and my desire to make love is really low now. 

Guys how can I tell my husband that I am not sexually satisfied without killing his ego?


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## 40isthenew20

No foreplay? Has he ever gone down on you? Many women can only cum from clitoral stimulation and not intercourse. When you masturbate, are you finishing from your clit?

Sounds like hubby needs to broaden his horizons some and do what he should be loving to do. If I could strap my wife's vagina on my face like a feedbag and go throughout my day, I'd do it in a second.


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## PBear

At this point, I wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings anymore. If he doesn't like you getting yourself off after, then he can do more to get you off himself. And claiming that he didn't have problems with other women in the past is a feeble excuse; all women are different in what they need, and he needs to be interested enough in your pleasure to work with you.

How old are you two, btw? 

Some guys are interested in their partners pleasure, and some guys are more about their own pleasure. You seem to have gotten one of the latter. How do you convert him, though... Possibly by focusing more on your own pleasure, regardless of him getting his panties in a twist. Include some toys in your sex play. Possibly by rewarding him less and giving him pleasure until you get yours. For example, no blowjobs for him until he gets you off orally. Does he give you oral sex? Make it clear that if he doesn't like you taking care of your own needs, then all he has to do is give you an orgasm himself. But somehow, you're going to have an orgasm.

You could also try watching some sex tutorial videos together as foreplay/porn. They can be arousing AND educational! 

Good luck!

C


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## Torrivien

He first has to understand that this isn't about him. There's no place for his ego in this matter.
How would you define the level of communication between you two ?
You shouldn't beg for your orgasm, it's your partner's responsibility just like his is yours. You have to have a long and sincere talk and explain to him that:
- You wouldn't have brought it up if it wasn't crucial to you.
- He should consider himself lucky that you still let him have sex with you (Even though it has been a one way street for five years.)
- You're really attracted to him and you want to enjoy your intimate moments.

If a car doesn't move forward, it's not the car's faults but it's the driver's skills that should be reviewed. Take a firm position and believe in your own happiness.


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## Sbrown

Do you use vibrators? And no foreplay at all, ever? Wow, that's gotta hurt. Next time he wants sex, tell him to hang on, pleasure yourself and then tell him your ready.


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## Mavash.

No foreplay? What woman can orgasm without foreplay? 

Why have you waited 5 years to fix this?


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## dubbizle

You need to get the sex toys out and have them ready when things start heating up and let him watch you as you use them and show him all the emotion of you getting off,so then if he has any since he will want to do to you what you just did to yourself. I think it was Dr.Ruth that said it not how you have the O just as long as you are having them.You husband sounds very selfish. You can also just tell him you want to make all the moves one night and tie him down and blind fold him and you can take his hard on and pleasure yourself with it until you have had enough and and he is in the 69 postion so he can use his tongue and tell him you are just going to sit there until he gets busy.


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## I Notice The Details

dubbizle said:


> You need to get the sex toys out and have them ready when things start heating up and let him watch you as you use them and show him all the emotion of you getting off,so then if he has any since he will want to do to you what you just did to yourself. I think it was Dr.Ruth that said it not how you have the O just as long as you are having them.You husband sounds very selfish. You can also just tell him you want to make all the moves one night and tie him down and blind fold him and you can take his hard on and pleasure yourself with it until you have had enough and and he is in the 69 postion so he can use his tongue and tell him you are just going to sit there until he gets busy.


I agree....you have to take charge here and teach him what you need. He obviously doesn't get it now. I personally think that foreplay is the best part of sex...the anticipation, the teasing, the buildup, the increasing desire...this is the best part...and finding ways to lenghten foreplay will make sex better for both of you. 

Get some toys out and use them on each other.....or buy some feathers and tease his naked body while he reads something erotic to you outloud. Show him what you like, and how your body needs to be touched. 

This is an easy and FUN problem to fix!


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## wiigirl

Sbrown said:


> Do you use vibrators? And no foreplay at all, ever? Wow, that's gotta hurt. Next time he wants sex, tell him to hang on, pleasure yourself and then tell him your ready.


Or instruct him what to do???








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash.

Country Apple said:


> I one time made the mistake of trying to give my self an orgasm after he was done. This really annoyed and insulted him and I have never done it again.


The normal TAM advice isn't going to work with a man like this.


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## Sbrown

wiigirl said:


> Or instruct him what to do???
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> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yea that would be great if he were open to instruction. But by teh sound of it, he doesn't really care.


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## hookares

If he lives long enough, he may well find out that he won't be able to get an erection without going down on you. He may as well start now while he can still learn new tricks.


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## AFEH

Country Apple said:


> Guys I need some help. I have been married to my husband for almost 5 years and I have never had an orgasm with him. Ever. I have not hid this from my husband, but I rarely bring it up. On the rare occasion that I do bring it up he says that he has tried to give me an orgasm and that there is something wrong with me because he has been able to give other women orgasms before we were married.
> 
> I have no problem giving myself an orgasm I don't think that is the case. I should also say I am attracted to my husband and do enjoy making love, but the lack of an orgasm is bothering me. I rarely deny him sex even though he does not satisfy me. I one time made the mistake of trying to give my self an orgasm after he was done. This really annoyed and insulted him and I have never done it again.
> 
> The biggest problem is my husband does not believe in foreplay at all. After 5 years though, I am getting tired and my desire to make love is really low now.
> 
> Guys how can I tell my husband that I am not sexually satisfied without killing his ego?


Well you certainly didn’t marry Mr Romantic. But I wonder what the best way ahead is? The guy’s obviously missing out on an enormous amount of pleasure, not only for you but for himself as well. It’s like he’s got it fixed in his mind what a sexual relationship is all about, like it’s kind of wham, bam thank you mam.


Next time he wants his type of sex tell him its conditional. Conditional that he pleasures you before penetration and then explain what that means. Have things ready so if he asks you can show him what you mean. For example if you like massages then have oils, candles, music and incense to hand so you’re ready to go. Then tell him where your erogenous zones are and how you like them massaged. If you think he needs educating about a woman’s body (he obviously does) then have some educational videos he can view and books he can read.


Bit of a shame really that you have to take the lead but I guess unless you do things will stay as they are. Start out with the hope that once he pleasures you he will also experience pleasure because you have and he becomes motivated to learn more and experiment with other things.


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## MaritimeGuy

Country Apple said:


> I one time made the mistake of trying to give my self an orgasm after he was done. This really annoyed and insulted him and I have never done it again.


This reeks of insecurity on his part. He should be happy you're prepared to take care of yourself the times it doesn't happen with him. He could even learn how you like to be touched by watching how you touch yourself. 

I agree with the others. He needs to broaden his horizons sexually. The fact you've allowed him to behave as he does for so long is going to make it that much more difficult to change. I think you should try to introduce new things to him not from the point of view that he's falling short in some way but from the point of view these are things you need to fully enjoy it.


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## Exsquid

Honestly.....I'd make him read this thread! Maybe...Just maybe....he will realize what his selfish behavior means to you. Not only that, but what guy doesn't want to make his partner happy? I get more enjoyment from my wife's pleasure than I do my own. I think there is something fundamentally wrong with your husbands way of thinking here.

How is your marriage as a whole? Are you satisfied in other aspects of your relationship? Does he appear to be selfish in any other aspect of your marriage? No foreplay? Geeze I don't mean to get graphic, but how do you even let him in? Moisture? Without foreplay? Hmmmmmmm......

I think you need to stop his next advancement and tell him what you require before he gets his. He needs to be aware of your concerns. If you never tell him or he never changes you will and up resenting him in the future, sounds like you may be already. Sex is a big factor in a happy marriage. You owe it to yourself to let him know about your feelings.


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## chillymorn

Country Apple said:


> Guys I need some help. I have been married to my husband for almost 5 years and I have never had an orgasm with him. Ever. I have not hid this from my husband, but I rarely bring it up. On the rare occasion that I do bring it up he says that he has tried to give me an orgasm and that there is something wrong with me because he has been able to give other women orgasms before we were married.
> 
> I have no problem giving myself an orgasm I don't think that is the case. I should also say I am attracted to my husband and do enjoy making love, but the lack of an orgasm is bothering me. I rarely deny him sex even though he does not satisfy me. I one time made the mistake of trying to give my self an orgasm after he was done. This really annoyed and insulted him and I have never done it again.
> 
> The biggest problem is my husband does not believe in foreplay at all. After 5 years though, I am getting tired and my desire to make love is really low now.
> 
> Guys how can I tell my husband that I am not sexually satisfied without killing his ego?


I would have a frank conversation with him and I would be brutly honest. I would tell him that you never wanted to hurt his feelings so you just suffered. and that you would like to experiance the joy of learning eachother likes and desires . that you feel his attitude about sex is onesided. I would tell him you felt broken because of what he would say and that after reasearching it you found out that most women need foreplay and mucho clit stimulation to reach orgasm. and that he should put on his bigboy pants and listen and learn how to give you an orgasm. and if he has an attitude about it then say sex is off the table until you want to try to make it exciting for me also.

if he acts like he pi$$ed that you didn't tell him sooner then tell him you tried and his reaction was always so poor that you gave up. but now you want to put the work in to make it better.


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