# New Relationship, Touchy Subject, Any Advice?



## gingersnap123 (Jul 9, 2014)

Hi Guys, this is new to me, I have questions for anyone who has answers, and I don't know how to ask him. I'm a 40 something widow in a new relationship with a 50 something man. We are waiting for sex. We get along great, have made out a couple of times and we are both geared very high sexually. My question is, I have never been with a BIG guy. He is 6'2 and 325lbs. How are the basic logistics of sex affected and how do we work around them. I won't let this affect our relationship, I just want some sensitive advice on how others physically work around this issue, and if it affects how much he has to work with. I can't even figure out how to sit across his lap when we are smooching on the couch. Someone with a big handsome guy please send me your techniques!
Thanks Bunches


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

gingersnap123 said:


> He is 6'2 and 325lbs. ... Someone with a big handsome guy please send me your techniques!


325 lbs at 6'2" is morbidly obese, not "big and handsome".

One suggestion- you get on top. 

And stay there.


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

lenzi said:


> 325 lbs at 6'2" is morbidly obese, not "big and handsome".


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If she thinks he's big and handsome, he is.

Are you holding off on sex for moral reasons or is he holding off for some other reason? If he is holding off for non-moral reasons, it could be that he doesn't want you to know that he doesn't know how it would work either. I don't want too get graphic here, so think about how you would, or would not, be able to maneuver and whether it would even work at all.
Have you discussed with him how he managed in the past?


----------



## gingersnap123 (Jul 9, 2014)

Thanks, he's handsome to me! We're are waiting because it's just something I would like to do right with a second chance to do it over, and he respects that, even though it isn't easy for either of us. He respects my feelings and makes no secret of our shared mutual love for sex. I haven't brought it up because I didn't want to embarrass him or hurt his feelings. He's been married before, so it's not new to him. I'm 5'4 and 210 and he wishes I was bigger, so obviously he knows how it's done. Thanks for your sensitivity. My husband that died was dead sexy, but beat the hell out of me. I'll take this big, beautiful, loving, heart any day.:smthumbup:


----------



## gingersnap123 (Jul 9, 2014)

I wish it was the latter, as I'm quite a sturdy girl, but alas, he's quite fluffy.


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

gingersnap123 said:


> I haven't brought it up because I didn't want to embarrass him or hurt his feelings. He's been married before, so it's not new to him. I'm 5'4 and 210 and he wishes I was bigger, so obviously he knows how it's done. Thanks for your sensitivity.


Bringing it up doesn't have to be embarrassing or hurtful. It could be very sexy. However, it could also lead to a demonstration, so you might want to let him know you are curious as to how it works, but don't want to act on it yet. I'm sure you can talk to him about it in a loving, encouraging manner. From what you've said, he already knows you think he's sexy and desirable. Approach it from that perspective and you should do great
To start with, you might want to get off the couch. It sounds like that has not worked so far. Part of the romance is talking about it and learning together.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Tell me to MMOB if this is too intrusive. But I wonder why you don't want to have sex. Is it the you have not known each other long enough to decide that you want to have sex or are you planning on having sex after marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Gingersnap123
He is presumably not a virgin so he has solved this problem with other women. I don't think you need to plan carefully - just see what works when you become intimate.

With any new partner it will take time to discover what does and doesn't work. Just let him know what you are enjoying and what isn't comfortable.


----------



## gingersnap123 (Jul 9, 2014)

sex after marriage


----------



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

gingersnap123 said:


> sex after marriage


Bring Bring Bring...- alarm bells ringing big time.

Please please have sex with him before you get married...because if you wait until you are married to go the 'whole way' and it doesnt quite work then over time it WILL become a problem and breed resentment.
Whilst sex is not everything in a marriage it is a very important part...important enough to ruin a marriage if there is a problem. 

As far as size is concerned, please don't let that worry you either....you might not be able to manage certain positions but you will find ways that satisfy you both! 

I think whilst we all go on first impressions, what really matters is the person under the skin. Your man might be 'fat' etc but YOU know him and love him for who he is and he you. Thats what really matters.

Good luck to you both...but please try the sex thing before saying 'I do'.....


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I'm with Askari on this I encourage you to both take each other for a number of test drives before you buy.

Having said that, I'm not saying you can't have a wonderful life together by waiting till you are married. It can work out wonderfully just like winning the lottery can happen as well.

"I haven't brought it up because I didn't want to embarrass him or hurt his feelings."

Please let that go, you both will have a far better relationship if you don't fear hurting one anthers feelings. I'm not suggesting you be cruel to each other. I am just suggesting you love and trust one another enough to tell it like it is. Without having any fear of each others reaction or of wounding your egos.

Best of luck to both of you.


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

I would not wait. What if the sex is simply horrid, and you are stuck married to him???

I would suggest doggie style, with him kneeling on the ground, or you on the bed and him standing next to it. that way there is no crushing gravity effect, and the added benefit that he can stimulate you nipples while you do the deed.

And obviously oral sex is a good way to play too, or various sex toys. A lot of larger women seem to be able to squirt during orgasm, which might turn him on.

An excellent thing for larger women are those mesh body suits with an open crotch. They are so stretchy they can fit anyone, and they tend to make your curves look really sexy


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

hey folks she's not asking you wait to have sex. She stating what she wants for herself.

both their weights concern me. a long happy relationship is predicated upon actually being alive. they're both dangerously overweight.

and one of the most important factors in a good sex life is a healthy cardiovascular system. 

I have no idea how overweight people have sex but I've often wondered that myself. with this being the internet I'm sure that there are websites that will help with the geometry.


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

Cant think of the name of the position. But you lay with your head at the headboard of the bed ad your feet at the foot of the bed. You are on your side by the way. 

He lays with head on the edge of the bed like near the middle and his feet at the other edge of the bed. He to is on his side. He can maneuver quite well from that direction. He has one leg under yours and one leg crooked over yours. 

I guess it would like much like a + sign from an aerial view. Does that make since. I can't seem to explain that very well. Just a big happy plus sign. 

And if you find out that you are not sexually compatible, that really isn't the worst thing in the world. He doesn't beat you, he loves you and you love him. Love knows no boundaries not even size. If you are both fluffy and you are both happy then more power to you. I'm a fluffy girl to. It's just more to love.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If your lying in bed and he comes running towards you naked with the William Tell Overture blaring, get the hell out of there as fast as you can.


----------



## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Who are you people to tell her to have sex before marriage? Are you her? Is it your decision? No? Then back off and mind your own business. That's not even what she came here for. She doesn't believe the way you do? GET OVER IT. 

OP, I think it's great that you would wait for marriage, while it's not a popular choice it is a wonderfully rewarding one. No you don't have to "test drive" to see if sex would be good. All you need before marriage is to know that you're deeply in love with them, and if you are, then sex will be amazing.

Sex with a bigger guy, believe it or not, is not much different than sex with a regular guy. While he's on top, he's lifting himself up, he's not just putting all of his weight on you. If he's putting too much weight on you, you can ask him to raise up more. Being on top is always an option too. But mostly, since you're not a stick, it shouldn't be a problem.  He just has more for you to hold onto during sex! lol


----------



## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

My husband would be approximately the same shape as your boyfriend he is 6 feet and 285lbs. Putting it nicely it's very uncomfortable having sex. At that size things don't really work that well. My husband has been to specialist and has been told to loose weight.

I am a female who would like sex daily, my husband couldn't care less if we never had it. Now that could be something to do with his DNA but it is also to do with his size, the bigger he has gotten the less sex his wants. I have now gotten to the stage where I don't want to have sex with him at all, it has been sometime since we were intimate. And no I'm not having sex with anyone else either.

You probably feel comfortable with him and that's great but my advice would be no only to try before you buy but to get yourself into shape as well. You need to for your own health.

Don't end up unhappy later on. Think long and hard before marrying anyone.

.


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Are guys who are that big capable of keeping their weight off you?

I'm serious. Cardiovascular health is about stamina. But most guys, even fairly fit guys, still put some weight on you. And they aren't doing pushups with 200 lbs on their backs.


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

clipclop2 said:


> Are guys who are that big capable of keeping their weight off you?
> 
> I'm serious. Cardiovascular health is about stamina. But most guys, even fairly fit guys, still put some weight on you. And they aren't doing pushups with 200 lbs on their backs.



basically your body has a set point weight. If you are that big, it is likely that that is your predetermined weight. If you try to diet, your brain tells you that you are starving, and you get hungry all the time. So you grab a candy bar or something just to make it thru the next hour.

I am not that big, but not small at all. The only thing that works for me is a LOT of exercise combined with eating only healthy stuff. I.e. putting a movie on tv and exercycling thru the whole thing, then trying to fill up on veggies and fruits...no sodas/white breads/potatos/rice, not icecream/cakes, reasonable sized portions of protein. The lots of exercise resets my metabolism set point so I burn more calories...then the better food types help to accentuate weight loss.

The problem is...its a lot of effort, and after maybe 3 months spurts of being a saint...I backslide a little, back off the exercise, then the pounds come back.

Someday...hopefully soon, they will find the magic pill to reset your metabolism. Until then..its a real problem. Genetically thin people do not realize what a struggle it really is!

But wild sex..that sounds like good exercise to me...so go for it!!!! Look up "The Prison Guard" for another position!


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'm one who is all for waiting till marriage when we are younger...( if that is something a couple feels strongly about )... it's a more romantic view of sex... if a person feels they only want to be with the love of their lives..saving that experience. 

But after we've had that ride with our 1st husband or wives.. if we loose a spouse or again want to marry another.. and especially in a situation like this.. it's not the norm, you have REAL legitimate concerns here -because of his weight.... it's not like sex is new to either of you.. or you are anticipating your 1st time...

I'd also want to explore this beforehand.. just for reassurance.. just my 2 cents ....


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

murphy5 said:


> I would not wait. What if the sex is simply horrid, and you are stuck married to him???
> 
> I would suggest doggie style, with him kneeling on the ground, or you on the bed and him standing next to it. that way there is no crushing gravity effect, and the added benefit that he can stimulate you nipples while you do the deed.
> 
> ...


Him on his knees, you with your toosh against his knees and your heels up at his shoulders. So, you are flat on your back and your legs are straight and perpendicular to the ground.


----------



## Bluegalinpa (Jul 12, 2014)

gingersnap123 said:


> He respects my feelings and makes no secret of our shared mutual love for sex. I


I'm happy to hear you think of him as sexy, many people wouldn't. That aside, I must ask you this: Are you sure he can perform? With him being large, does he have diabetes?


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

ariel_angel77 said:


> Who are you people to tell her to have sex before marriage? Are you her? Is it your decision? No? Then back off and mind your own business..l


The woman came here for advice. Sometimes the question asked isn't the one that needs to be answered. We are people that are giving helpful supportive advice, no one is making her decision for her. If everyone backed off and minded their own business there would be very few posts on this forum.

Given the risks and unknowns involved, I strongly suggest you have sex prior to getting married so you aren't locked into a bad situation if things don't go well.

Or, both of you embark on an exercise/weight loss program together and encourage each other to live a healthy lifestyle and shed those unhealthy extra pounds.


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Lila said:


> Is he a fluffy 325 or a brick wall? One will require you to do the work, the other will require you to hold on to dear life. I affectionately call the latter the "ragdoll" experience.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


with you being the ragdoll?


----------



## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Have a open frank conversation with him. It's too important to not address. It's better to know going into the relationship that any and all topics can be discussed.


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Lila said:


> Yep.:



Rag doll. 

One more item into my bucket list...


----------



## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

From what I've read, pillows are your friend if one or both are overweight. Positions like girl on top can be made easier with pillows under his bum. Reverse cow-girl should be doable too. For missionary, put pillows under your bum, having your legs in the air, ankles by his shoulders/ears should take a lot of his weight off of you. Doggy-style... maybe not the most intimate but primal and a lot of fun or some variation of it like leaning over the bed, arm chair, couch should keep bellies out of the way and make it easier for him to penetrate you. Spooning should work if his belly isn't too big. You can also lie horizontally while he is more vertical or you can be on your side, kind of in the fetal position, with pillows under your hips while he is on his knees like he'd be in doggy-style.

Good luck/hope this helps. We don't have a weight issue to work around but do have a height difference of about a foot (he's taller) so makes it tricky sometimes. When you do start having sex, doing it on the stairs lol can be fun. Or standing on the side of the tub if you want to do it while standing. Or you can be on the bed when he is standing on the side of the bed for either doggy or even some kind of variation of missionary, pillows also help to give you more height/angle you better when there's a height difference. Spooning is another good one too if there's a height difference as is girl on top...so long as bellies aren't in the way.


----------



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

lenzi said:


> The woman came here for advice. Sometimes the question asked isn't the one that needs to be answered. We are people that are giving helpful supportive advice, no one is making her decision for her. If everyone backed off and minded their own business there would be very few posts on this forum.
> 
> Given the risks and unknowns involved, I strongly suggest you have sex prior to getting married so you aren't locked into a bad situation if things don't go well.
> 
> Or, both of you embark on an exercise/weight loss program together and encourage each other to live a healthy lifestyle and shed those unhealthy extra pounds.


:iagree::iagree:

Of all the posts on here ONE was insulting. Everyone else has tried to be helpful.

I would think that probably 80% of the posters on TAM who waited until after they were married to have sex with their spouses regret it.

I agree, we cannot dictate on TAM but we are perfectly entitled to give our opinion.
If people dont want to hear our opinion dont post. Easy.


----------

