# I had a crush...



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Those are the words said by my WH at our first marriage counseling session yesterday describing his 2nd affair. While he was playing footsies with his "crush", I was actually CRUSHED with the reality of my 16 yr marriage crumbling, dealing with all the bills, coping with and 11 yr old who was sad and confused all while he disappears from life and avoids all contact with his family, friends.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

His crush was also the girl that we all use to refer as the "Town Tramp". The drunk with the 4 DUIS who would do anyone, anywhere. Of course, WH does not remember this although all our friends remember this and the many years of seeing her in every bar. 

As I was finalizing the divorce terms, he called and agreed to go to marriage counseling. I was hoping to get some of my anger under control. I am very doubtful we could ever reconcile, but I thought maybe we can get to a better place with each other and co-parent for our daughters sake.

He told the MC that he was not getting any attention at home and was happy for the attention from DUI girl. He made it sound so Snow White. 

After he was finished painted this fairy tale it was my turn and I blasted him with 2 barrels. I said that while he was texting his 8000 messages to his tramp, blatanly lying to his family about always having to work or running bullsh&t errands , I was off to a 50 hour a day job, cleaning a 4 bedroom home, caring for and raising my straight A student - 10 yr old daughter, Leading a girl scout troop, Attending church every Sunday, making dinner, walking the dog, hosting family parties, and girls sleepovers. I asked, WHERE WAS MY ATTENTION????


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So what did he reply when you asked that? 

And what did the counselor say?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Well, he certainly did not want to come back because he was sorry that he hurt you for the second time and abandoned his family. Maybe the realization of the financial hit made him change his mind. I suspect he is still seeing the DUI girl. 

A better question is what do you have to gain. I see what is in it for him. He get the benifits of a cook, laundress, houskeeper and baby sitter while availing himself of the sexual variety outside of the marriage. He get to keep all his assets giving him more to spend in OW. 

I am puzzled - why would you let such a man live under your roof for his convenience? He clearly is not sorry about the devestating he has caused and he does not seem much interested in aroning. In fact, he seems to think that you owe him some attention to make up taking up your time to be a good mother. 

Why expose your daughter to this? She is learning that no matter what a man does, a wan needs to be a doormat and be at his beck and call. 

This is his second affair. If you stay with him plan on seeing 2 or 3 more affairs in your future. I suppose that if he is that valuable to you to make you want to live as second to what ever peice takes his fantasy then you are doing the right thing. But if you want to let him feel the consequences of a self centered irresposible life, throw him to the wolves. 

The women he will chase after will eat him up and spit him out. He will have lost a woman of quality and the rare gift of a daughter for all of the crushes he wants.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

I should have mentioned this in my story. I kicked him out on May 7, 2011 after a big argument. We have been separated since. He was living with DUI girl and rented a shack for my daughter's visits. These visits were few and far between. I filed for divorce in December. We bagen talking in January about him getting his life together for daughters sake. His rented shack was taken over by his landlord, so he moved back with dui GIRL. I prohibit my daughter to have interaction with DUI girl so he has lost his overnight visits. He can see her anytime day or night but not with tramp. 

We began talking in January about our marriage and his affairs. His low self esteem when his general contacting company slowed down to a crawl due to the economy and real estate market in Florida. (Worst in country).

He has since moved into our small rental property and hopefuly will start to make better decisions for himself and his daughter.

The MC for me is just a way to express all my anger to him and discuss our future parenting skills. Like I said, I do not believe we can ever fix this. 

I told him that he threw away the best thing that will ever happened in his life... ME! He started to cry and said he knows that he f*cked up his whole world. I agreed!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Are you saying that you did not stop the divorce? 

I can understand that his financial problems sapped his self esteem. I would imagine that it has had an effect on you and your daughter as well. This is his 2nd episode of cheating. 

What was the problem then. His method of salving his ego is selfish and destructive. He seems to feel sorry for himself but I don't think he is sorry for the destruction. 

He is a very poor risk for a marital monogamous relationship. It may be better for your stability and health(STDs) and your kid to continue with divorce. Move on from this sad chapter in your life. You sound as if you have a level head and a good heart. 

You should have no problem finding a good man and enjoying your life. Your daughter should learn that leaving an inadequate man is a positive move.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Catherine602 - I have not stopped the divorce. I still care about my WH but my heart is scarred from all the pain he has cauased me and my daughter. I have always been the strong level headed on in the relatonship. For a while it worked for us. 

Now, I am really trying to help him get his life back on some stable track. Get DUI out of his life and move on from the toxic relationship. I will probably always love him and care for him, but I am CRUSHED. Literally, my heart is destroyed from all the betrayal, lies, and lack of respect.

And you are correct? He is not really remorseful. He is truly a narcissist who only cares about himself.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

N are incurable. They are toxic. Trying to help him is fruitless. You are doing what is exactly the opposite of what you should be doing. 

You are allowing yourself to be used by a man who cares so little for you that he hurts and humiliates you and feels nothing. 

And you want to help him! How is your self esteem? Do you have any self preservation instincts? 

Your daughter has been injured by this man, why don't you spend your energy helping her. Your husband is not more important that your helpless daughter. 

Why do you waste your time and energy on him. Do you know what your daughter sees. You are teaching her that men are children and that even when they don't care you still prostrate yourself to "help" them. 

You give up care and protection of yourself and any children who depend on you all in service to a man.

The best way to handle a man who cares nothing for you is to get a far away from him with your dignity intact as possible. 

You can stay immeshed in his life and be manipulated and used by him as a crutch but you will never change him. 

He'll take what ever you have to give while you watch him go on to the next 4 or five women and then it may dawn on you that you are being a fool. 

You will have sacrificed your life in service to a man who never returned you love. Be smart and get out now and experience real love.


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