# Dating Multiple Women (Help)



## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Ok so I joined a dating site after seeing someone for 3 years.
I got a huge response that I didn't expect. I have been texting 3 gorgeous, educated, terrific women and have not gone out with either. I don't know what to do. I cant keep this up. My friends say its ok as long as nothing is physical. 
I still feel bad. I cant date,,as in go out with all of them. Its difficult to tell any of them good bye bc they are all great. Im waiting for 1 or 2 to let go but it isn't happening. 
Whats the correct and polite way to do this??
I can see my luck in that,,if I tell 1-2 no thanks, Im interested in someone else, then the one person doesn't go well, then I cant go back to the others??


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

How can you make any decisions until you have actually met them IRL? There is nothing unusual about multi dating so why are you not meeting them? 

Sounds like game playing on your part.


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

Here is an easy way to eliminate: find out which one's are fake.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

There's nothing wrong with dating 3 women at the same time, as long as you don't sleep with any of them and don't string them all along for months.

Go out with each of them...it's the only way you'll be able to make your decision.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Oh and you are not "dating" any of them, you are chatting to them. You have to meet in person to be going on a date.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Holland said:


> Oh and you are not "dating" any of them, you are chatting to them. You have to meet in person to be going on a date.


:iagree:


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Wow, ok, I see. Yup, didn't see it that way.
They want to go out but our schedules just aren't matching up. 
I need to go out with them but it feels creepy setting multiple dates. Never done that before. Feels sleezy.
Your right,, just don't touch them.
WhT if the first date goes great and she wants to kiss and stuff,,, won't feel right going out with girl #2 after thdt??


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It isn't sleazy and there's nothing wrong with kissing, either - just no sex until you decide on just one to date. You haven't made any commitments - you're just meeting and evaluating if you're compatible and attracted in person. Good luck.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

I met my boyfriend online, but while I was chatting with him, I was with other guys as well. Never actually went out with anyone of them cuz they were all out of state. 
Once I had slept with my boyfriend, I considered myself off the market and closed down my profile. I can only handle one guy at a time. Lol


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

rep said:


> Wow, ok, I see. Yup, didn't see it that way.
> They want to go out but our schedules just aren't matching up.
> I need to go out with them but it feels creepy setting multiple dates. Never done that before. Feels sleezy.
> Your right,, just don't touch them.
> WhT if the first date goes great and she wants to kiss and stuff,,, won't feel right going out with girl #2 after thdt??


168 hrs in a week, no professional up to 50 years old does not have 2 hrs in a week to give someone.

So you have time. It's that one of you think it's not that important, and if this is what these females are telling you, you need to listen.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

rep said:


> Ok so I joined a dating site after seeing someone for 3 years.
> I got a huge response that I didn't expect. I have been texting 3 gorgeous, educated, terrific women


You've been texting 3 women who are _representing themselves _as gorgeous, educated, and terrific women.

You my friend are going to learn the hard way.

I highly doubt you'll be facing the dilemma that you want to believe you'll be facing.

Here's some advice that you can actually use, coming from a guy who has online dated dozens of women over the past 8 yrs post divorce:

Stop wasting your time texting back and forth with women from dating sites because most of them are deceptive fuglies (fugly is my euphemism for fat+ ugly). 

Think about it, and no offense intended here, but if they're really so hot and educated and terrific they wouldn't be giving you so much attention. 

Anyay, you should never spend more than a week with perhaps a few back and forth messages then a phone call to set up a first meeting. Not a full date, not a dinner date for sure, just a meeting in a diner or coffee shop to see if you "click". You can always extend the date.

Odds are you're going to be in a state of shock because this beautiful woman you expected to meet is suddenly 10 years older and 50 lbs heavier. 

Please let us know how you make out (pun intended).


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Just meet each woman, one by one..take it slow, meet as friends first for a small period of time first, then decide. I may have marriage problems, but online dating is a game of chess


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

rep said:


> Wow, ok, I see. Yup, didn't see it that way.
> They want to go out but our schedules just aren't matching up.
> I need to go out with them but it feels creepy setting multiple dates. Never done that before. Feels sleezy.
> Your right,, just don't touch them.
> WhT if the first date goes great and she wants to kiss and stuff,,, won't feel right going out with girl #2 after thdt??


You are way over thinking this. If they are as you describe, attractive and intelligent and on a dating site I can promise you that you aren't the only guy they are talking to. They will be getting 10x the attention you are. 

Nothing is real until you meet in real life. One date does not a relationship make. Date and see how it goes.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

My dad did a lot of online dating before he passed away. He told me that women lie all the time about everything and you should try to meet them for coffee asap to see if they're even real and are the least bit interested in something real. He said a lot of them just sign up for a little fantasy and get off on all the responses, and you have to be prepared for 100 losers and rejections to find one decent person. I'm sure the same could be true with genders reversed, his perspective was of dealing with women.

As for the several women thing, nothing wrong with that as long as you're not lying about it. And please do not sleep with more then one at a time without full disclosure, that's just disgusting.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

rep said:


> Ok so I joined a dating site after seeing someone for 3 years.
> I got a huge response that I didn't expect. I have been texting 3 gorgeous, educated, terrific women and have not gone out with either. I don't know what to do. I cant keep this up. My friends say its ok as long as nothing is physical.
> I still feel bad. I cant date,,as in go out with all of them. Its difficult to tell any of them good bye bc they are all great. Im waiting for 1 or 2 to let go but it isn't happening.
> Whats the correct and polite way to do this??
> I can see my luck in that,,if I tell 1-2 no thanks, Im interested in someone else, then the one person doesn't go well, then I cant go back to the others??


Which dating site got you this much success? Some guys will be physical with multiple babes. There's a lot of way you can do this that are normal ways the "world" does it.

Let em know you are enjoying life and enjoy life with them if they allow.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Gotta meet em to filter them.

Sometimes you are just texting a couple of twelve year old boys in basement.

Sometimes the connection just isnt there.
I was chatting up this one lawyer. Man she was pretty and seemed great on text and email.
When I met her she was just "meh" no spark. No Zest.

Meet them all before making the decision. Chances are good that two of them will flake.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Doesn't matter, their all middle aged dudes.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me personally. I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with multiple dating if you keep you twanger in your pants... what is wrong with spreading your net wider so you can individually weed them out.. I see nothing unethical about this at all....so long as you aren't sleeping with them.. if you allow it to get all hot & heavy with one of them.. then you'll have more of a dilemma on your hands in going out with another the next night perhaps...

I don't know why people can't be more open & honest about these things... I guess it's because everyone assumes you are banging or will be having sex. .. in those cases, I would feel it's wrong to do... 

Just my personal opinion. If one is hoping to find Love again, a suitable match (WHICH IS NOT SO EASY TO FIND, so much baggage out there).... I think anything to UP THE ODDS is a very helpful thing...it's just meeting more people in a relatively shorter amount of time. 

When you find yourself smitten with one of them.. you'll have to let all the others fall by the wayside.. that's the way it goes.. now get out there and meet some women!

I've never experienced this by the way.. it just sounds very reasonable to me ...for someone looking to find a suitable match..


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

If you are meeting people online, I would safely assume that the women you are talking to are also chatting up other men too. It goes both ways. 

Since you aren't in an actual relationship, it's easy to "break up" (for lack of a better term). You don't owe them much of an explanation. A simple, "I am not sensing much of a connection. I wish you well on your online dating endeavers." will suffice. I think you need to meet all 3 in person and make a better decision.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

I happen to be in the online dating ring, due to a very full schedule of working full time and being a single parent, also not into clubbing, bars, etc. Yes, I know there are many other ways to meet people, I just don't have much time.

However, when someone contacts me and actually has something descent to say AND he's attractive, I will only chat online with him. I've made it a RULE to not give out my number until meeting in public for a drink/coffee or dinner, whatever they plan for us. If there's a connection and potential for future dates, then they may have my number.

If I gave my number to every Joe that asked for it online, my phone would explode and I just don't need that hassle. I also need to know that it's not a one time thing, ONS, or looking for a booty call. If so, they can move along.

That said, I'm surprised you're texting with THREE; women are too easy with their information......or desperate. :scratchhead:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

sinnister said:


> Doesn't matter, their all middle aged dudes.


:rofl:


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

This is why I'd never multidate. First off, IMO, its not fair to the other women.

Second, if I'm interested in dating and looking for a good relationship, then I give one woman at a time the respect of giving them a chance while not dating others.

If it doesn't work out, then there is nobody else that I snubbed to find out.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

*Re: Re: Dating Multiple Women (Help)*



vellocet said:


> This is why I'd never multidate. First off, IMO, its not fair to the other women.
> 
> Second, if I'm interested in dating and looking for a good relationship, then I give one woman at a time the respect of giving them a chance while not dating others.
> 
> If it doesn't work out, then there is nobody else that I snubbed to find out.


Is it "multi dating" if you don't actually leave your house? 

C


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## dougy (Nov 8, 2014)

The idea of dating sites is to meet a range of people. There is no disloyalty involved if you haven't started a relationship with any of these women beyond texting. Meet them all and choose the one you prefer, simple.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Which dating site got you this much success?


I question your criteria for success.

He hasn't met any of them.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

PBear said:


> Is it "multi dating" if you don't actually leave your house?
> 
> C


perhaps not, so maybe I should say, "this is why I never seek the attention of more than one woman"


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## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

yea, I have a lot of interstred women but Im a single dad and they are sinlge moms. Tuff when everybody is running kids to games and things. Very hard. I went on one date but have talked to many many women. Its tuff bc a lot of women have full custody, etc and work. Feel like its just going to take longer and that I don't want to date multiple women but I think I will need to since the times are what they are


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

I went through a similar scenario in online dating to you. I actually met three girls online that I talked to and all three wanted to meet me. I found it exhausting to even meet all three for a first date (in person) so I politely declined one (though she didn't take it well). 

The other two I went out on first dates went, and both went well. The second dates also went well and I went out with third dates with both. Things developed and I decided to end it with one of the two girls and I'm still with the other many months later. 

Now the girl I'm with is still upset that I went out with another girl while going out with her, even though we never had the exclusive talk. I ended it with the other girl on my own because it felt wrong. The funny thing is I told the other girl I was ending it because I wanted to be fair to both girls, SHE asked me to keep dating both of them. I declined. 

So my own two cents is chatting with multiple girls OK; first dates with multiple girls OK; you make your own line in the sand (physical or emotional connection) about when you want to cut it out with others. I'm just saying that line is fluid depending on who you ask; while my GF was pretty upset she understood we never talked exclusivity. So the moral is I would not assume exclusivity from the OTHER side unless you talk about it -- so if you like a girl and are going out with her multiple times, don't assume she's stopped with other guys unless she tells you she has!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

devotion said:


> I went through a similar scenario in online dating to you. I actually met three girls online that I talked to and all three wanted to meet me. I found it exhausting to even meet all three for a first date (in person) so I politely declined one (though she didn't take it well).
> 
> The other two I went out on first dates went, and both went well. The second dates also went well and I went out with third dates with both. Things developed and I decided to end it with one of the two girls and I'm still with the other many months later.
> 
> ...


And even then don't assume she is telling you exactly the truth!


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

rep said:


> *My friends* say its ok as long as nothing is physical.
> I still feel bad.


What do YOU say?

You need to know your philosophy before you start marketing yourself. As a man, your confidence and mentality is your biggest asset. If you don't know what you stand for, what you believe in, then women are going to chew you up and spit you out.

If you don't think it's right to be dating more than one person at a time, then don't do it. In everything you do in your life, you need to be righteous about it.

I would challenge your preconceived notions on dating though. Why do you feel it's not right to go out and make connections with multiple people? Unless you are lying to women, what do you see wrong with interacting with other people? Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with even sleeping with other people either as long as you're not misrepresenting yourself. At the point where you want to see one person, then you can commit to exclusivity.


By dating one person exclusively, you are going to be more likely to put that person on the pedestal. An attractive man is one who knows what he wants, and has options. Nothing dries up a woman faster than a man who is dependent on her because he can't do any better.

Also, it's fair to assume that she isn't exclusively dating you either.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> My dad did a lot of online dating before he passed away. He told me that women lie all the time about everything and you should try to meet them for coffee asap to see if they're even real and are the least bit interested in something real. He said a lot of them just sign up for a little fantasy and get off on all the responses, and you have to be prepared for 100 losers and rejections to find one decent person. *I'm sure the same could be true with genders reversed, his perspective was of dealing with women.*
> 
> As for the several women thing, nothing wrong with that as long as you're not lying about it. And please do not sleep with more then one at a time without full disclosure, that's just disgusting.


From experience, the same is true if you reverse genders. Men and women do this on line and on dating sites.


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## Westwind (May 20, 2013)

Well, I think you are going to have to be upfront with the three women. Tell them you got three responses and it makes you uneasy as you want to relate to just one woman at a time. You can give feedback to each woman about what you like about them in the chatting experience, but you would like to meet them in person. Remember that it is their choice also and you should say that up front. They might not find you attractive too.


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## droll (Nov 11, 2014)

frusdil said:


> There's nothing wrong with dating 3 women at the same time, as long as you don't sleep with any of them and don't string them all along for months.
> 
> Go out with each of them...it's the only way you'll be able to make your decision.


Yeah that is right. No matter how many girls you're dating the important thing is not to make out with them


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