# Help and Advice



## Kmctaggart (May 30, 2018)

Hey I’m post this I suppose as a little cry for help. Around 8 months ago my wife of 3 years (together for 10) cheated with our neighbour. Not full sex just kissing however the intention and texting ect was all there. We decided to split and if I’m honest I could have saved us but I wanted her to fight so I never bothered. The long and short is that we are now 8 months down the line and it has hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not coping at all!!! Truth is I don’t want to be here. While she was still staying in the marital home I had met a girl and slept with her various times. We will be together eventually however for various reasons this is not possible in the near future. I have found out that my ex has met with a guy and went on a first date and slept with him. I am broken and I don’t know why! I cannot shake this jealousy, rage, anger, hurt and pain. I feel worthless and useless. I need help and I need to get out of this hole. I am on antidepressants and I have been referred for councilling. If anyone has experience this situation please get in touch.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Kmctaggart said:


> Hey I’m post this I suppose as a little cry for help. Around 8 months ago my wife of 3 years (together for 10) cheated with our neighbour. Not full sex just kissing however the intention and texting ect was all there. We decided to split and if I’m honest I could have saved us but I wanted her to fight so I never bothered. The long and short is that we are now 8 months down the line and it has hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not coping at all!!! Truth is I don’t want to be here. While she was still staying in the marital home I had met a girl and slept with her various times. We will be together eventually however for various reasons this is not possible in the near future. I have found out that my ex has met with a guy and went on a first date and slept with him. I am broken and I don’t know why! I cannot shake this jealousy, rage, anger, hurt and pain. I feel worthless and useless. I need help and I need to get out of this hole. I am on antidepressants and I have been referred for councilling. If anyone has experience this situation please get in touch.


Listen, brother, take a deep breath. You, for whatever reason, you have not detached from her yet. 

Probably you have not detached because you guys are still living together. When is that going to be over, has anyone filed for divorce? 

You have to get her out of your life, when you do, you will start to detach. 

And please don't tell me you are screwing around with a married or attached women. If she is, then you need to stop, you know better. 

Further, you could not have saved "us" if she did not want to. And it is pretty obvious that she did not want to. 

Just so you know, 10 years is the expiration date on a lot of relationships, I don't know why. But a lot of this stuff happens at 7-10, and 15 through whatever. 

You made the right decision to split with her, you just have to let her go. 

When you get there, you have no idea how great you will feel. 

But one of you has to get out of the house, that is the first step...


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## Kmctaggart (May 30, 2018)

Thanks for getting in touch........... so I moved out 8 months ago and then I took over the house about 3 months ago so basically we havnt lived together in 8 months......


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## Kmctaggart (May 30, 2018)

Also we have a 5 year old daughter in which I made sure I have 50% custody of! I would love to delete my ex out my life but I can’t ........ I just can’t seem to get by this hurdle!!!!!


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Kmctaggart said:


> I would love to delete my ex out my life but I can’t ........


No, sir, you can't. Accept that fact. You will NEVER be able to be "rid of" your ex, because she is the mother of your child. If you maintain any relationship with the child, the mother comes as an inseparable part of it.
@BluesPower already told you what I would have.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Screw her, she cheated.....no going back from that. Your marriage died the moment that happened. You need to let that go and focus on healing. Do what you need, visit your church pastor, go to counseling, develop and support network to talk this out and get your feelings and greiving out so that you can heal and move forward without the pain of the past holding you back. It is harder for guys to heal becasue we bottle it up so much. You've got to talk and get some support. You do what you have to do to get a network of healing support around you and take care of yourself and then move on and find you a faithful lady. There's no reason to long, with jealously for any unfaithful cheating scum. Let the past go. Don't settle, go find you a faithful, loyal person.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Kmctaggart said:


> Hey I’m post this I suppose as a little cry for help. Around 8 months ago my wife of 3 years (together for 10) cheated with our neighbour. Not full sex just kissing however the intention and texting ect was all there. We decided to split and if I’m honest I could have saved us but I wanted her to fight so I never bothered. The long and short is that we are now 8 months down the line and it has hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not coping at all!!! Truth is I don’t want to be here. While she was still staying in the marital home I had met a girl and slept with her various times. We will be together eventually however for various reasons this is not possible in the near future. I have found out that my ex has met with a guy and went on a first date and slept with him. I am broken and I don’t know why! I cannot shake this jealousy, rage, anger, hurt and pain. I feel worthless and useless. I need help and I need to get out of this hole. I am on antidepressants and I have been referred for councilling. If anyone has experience this situation please get in touch.


My wife and I have been together 17 years and married for almost 15. I recently found out that she's been having an affair with a close friend of mine of 30 years, for a little over a year. As much as both of them say it was never sexual, seeing all the texts and knowing it went on as long as it did I know that's a lie. You ARE NOT worthless or useless, hearing that you have met someone but for whatever circumstances can't be together right now but do plan to be together is proof that you are not worthless or useless. I was betrayed by my wife and a friend I've known since high school, it sucks, it's like being hit from all sides and angles.

What you need to do is get out and do things, things that you enjoy. If you don't golf, buy a set of clubs and learn. Not only is it relaxing and helps take your mind off things, but you meet a lot of other new people in the process. Get to the gym and workout, not only will that help you feel better about yourself but it also puts you around people and gives you a chance to meet more new people. Your primary goal right now should be doing things that make you feel happy and better about yourself. You want to meet new people whether to date or just people to grab a drink with or go bowling. Your ex made a decision and had an affair, it was not caused by you. She is the one who is worthless and useless, not you.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your situation.

A formal divorce and such may help you to see your past life as really over.

Professional therapy may be useful for you as well.

It will be hard as you cannot really break off contact due to your child, but you should be able to take some steps to distance your self from your ex in many other areas.

Good luck.


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