# Any women here that fake orgasm?



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I ask because in the back of my mind, I'm wondering if my wife may be doing this to appease me. I am certain she cums often, ( I think) but the last time we had sex I was really tuned to her actions and was a bit skeptical.

Call me stupid, paranoid or whatever for wondering. Just interested in how often this sort of thing really happens.
Also, I'm interested in how good of an actress women who do fake are. If a woman is good at faking orgasm, can she be that good as to fool her husband for years?

Perhaps none of the women on here have actually done this, I don't know. I do know the tell tale signs of female orgasm, but hell, I'm not a women, so in the end, I could be fooled.

If no women do fake on TAM, maybe some men have experienced this with their wives and can share their info.

Inquiring minds want to know.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Not a woman but I have grown to appreciate the fake.

Fake is definiately better than no reaction. Good fake can be better than ho hum real (from a purely selfish standpoint).

Basically whatever shows the maximum effort/interest is best, in my opinion.


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

We were married many years before I was able to orgasm. Once I was able to, there were quite a few times I faked it, because he was sooo determined. Most of the time I faked it he was fooled, a few times he caught me and called me out on it. He came to realize that I just can't all of the time. Now if it isn't there, once he is finished I tell him it's just isn't there and he understands.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Anon1111 said:


> Not a woman but I have grown to appreciate the fake.
> 
> Fake is definiately better than no reaction. Good fake can be better than ho hum real (from a purely selfish standpoint).
> 
> Basically whatever shows the maximum effort/interest is best, in my opinion.


How can you tell? Can you be more specific?
I myself cannot imagine the guts and or ability it would take to fake an orgasm convincingly.


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## Rockymts (Mar 26, 2015)

I think lots of women maybe even most have faked some orgasms in there life. Hell I even faked orgasms (not many) but for whatever reason after a fair bit of effort I realized I was never going to cum so I gave the old Meg Ryan myself. 

I know my wife used to fairly frequently early in our marriage because I was a not so good lover. But she denied it for years.

Know I know if she isn't a glazed donut sloppy contracting convulsing mess she didn't orgasm.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Brandy905 said:


> We were married many years before I was able to orgasm. Once I was able to, there were quite a few times I faked it, because he was sooo determined. Most of the time I faked it he was fooled, a few times he caught me and called me out on it. He came to realize that I just can't all of the time. Now if it isn't there, once he is finished I tell him it's just isn't there and he understands.


I personally would never want my wife to fake. If she can't, she can't. However, I can certainly see that if the a guy pressured a woman or at least tied his sexuality to his ability to make his wife orgasm, that would tend to at least force a womans hand in the matter.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

I don't believe I always can tell, which is the point.

Even when I can tell, I appreciate the effort. 

It's like saying, hey, I'm still enjoying this.

When I can tell it's because some involuntary muscle spasms/contractions or overall body reaction is absent.

But I am sure I have been fooled and I don't really care about it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There is one woman on here who has a thread where she said that she has never had a orgasm with her husband, she always makes it.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/257434-sex-toys.html

Me? I've never done it. Never even thought about it... and am sort of surprised when I hear that some women do this.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Anon1111 said:


> I don't believe I always can tell, which is the point.
> 
> Even when I can tell, I appreciate the effort.
> 
> ...


I look at it in a different way. To me, faking an orgasm is a slap in the face to a mans sexuality. That's why I would not appreciate the effort.
However, if a woman absolutely hated having sex with her husband and knew that he would leave if he knew this, faking would change from an effort to please him to a necessary action in order to keep someone from leaving and destroying a marriage.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Never have, never will. If I fake it, that would tell my partner that what he's doing is making me O. Faking would just reinforce his non-O skills and perhaps put up a roadblock to _a real_ O.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

UMP said:


> I look at it in a different way. To me, faking an orgasm is a slap in the face to a mans sexuality. That's why I would not appreciate the effort.
> However, if a woman absolutely hated having sex with her husband and knew that he would leave if he knew this, faking would change from an effort to please him to a necessary action in order to keep someone from leaving and destroying a marriage.


Out of curiosity, how would you react if she did not have an orgasm and did not fake it. How would you feel about her not having an orgasm?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

If you have to fake an orgasm to keep from divorcing, well that's one sad marriage.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I have done it before.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

UMP said:


> I look at it in a different way. To me, faking an orgasm is a slap in the face to a mans sexuality. That's why I would not appreciate the effort.
> However, if a woman absolutely hated having sex with her husband and knew that he would leave if he knew this, faking would change from an effort to please him to a necessary action in order to keep someone from leaving and destroying a marriage.


Interesting.

I think most women fake here and there so hopefully it won't be too much of a blow if you ever discover the fake.

If it happened all of the time, I would say there is a problem.

But maybe sometimes she's not really up for it but she does it anyway because she knows you want it then puts on a really good act.

Or maybe she is doing something where it is very unlikely that she would ever O but acts like she is anyway (e.g., BJ).

To me that is a nice gesture.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Out of curiosity, how would you react if she did not have an orgasm and did not fake it. How would you feel about her not having an orgasm?


I'm completely OK with that. However, I would certainly try something else next time. My "goal" would be to at least always try to get her to cum. I think this is only natural for a man regarding his woman. IMO.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

I consider a woman going through the orgasm motions, as orgasming. Maybe she physically doesn't hit her peak, but mentally, she wants to let you know she appreciates you. Women can't always cum during sex, but that doesn't mean mentally they do not have the need to connect and turn you on with how they respond to your sex. Not all women "fake" orgasm just to make you feel good. They also do it to make themselves feel good. It makes them feel like women. It makes them feel like they've connected and they enjoy seeing how you respond to their moans of how they are cumming. It really is a mental orgasm.

Does that mean all women that "fake" are having a mental orgasm? Probably not. I am sure some fake it just because they are bored and want you to hurry up and cum. 

I do know a smart woman with sexual experience can tell when a man is going to cum. Goosebumps, heavy breathing, his penis getting harder, etc. If the orgasm is perfectly timed with goosebumps popping up all over your body and your penis getting harder than it ever is, she may be "faking" it to have that moment with you. But, honestly, I take it as a compliment. Sometimes women can't always cum physically, but that doesn't mean mentally they do not get off with you. A lot of times my wife says she is more satisfied making me orgasm than her own physical orgasms. Other times, she wants to physically and makes sure I know it.

Keep an open line of a communication and enjoy being with the woman you love. I try not to dig to hard if I feel maybe my wife had a mental orgasm with me, simply because I know why she does it. She has no bad intent and it isn't to make me hurry up and cum, it's more like she wants to be in the moment with me and sometimes it just won't happen physically that night.

Nothing about sex or intimacy should be considered bad or fake, imo. This is the attitude I try to keep.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

UMP said:


> I'm completely OK with that. However, I would certainly try something else next time. My "goal" would be to at least always try to get her to cum.


It does not mean that what you did would not work next time.

There are times when an orgasm is just not going to happen (hopefully not often). Who knows why? But the sex can still be very good otherwise.

This is why talking is so important. But a lot of couples don't do that leaving each other in the fog. Or one is insulted/bothered when their spouse tries to talk about things so the talks never happen.



UMP said:


> I think this is only natural for a man regarding his woman. IMO.


I hope it's natural for most men. But it's not for some men.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

As my wife has become post menopausal, her ability to experience an orgasm has changed quite a bit. Before menopause, it was very easy to bring her to oragasm through both oral and vaginal. Nowadays, and we've had discussion about this, she has to be in the right "frame of mind"...and sometimes, it ain't just gonna happen. I mean, when she's "in the mood" like the night before last...she had 3. The time before that, no matter how hard I tried to bring her there...it didn't work...She describes it as "I get "almost" right there...I feel it coming...and it just....fades.

And I can tell now...and she and I are OK with that. I used to question myself as I've never had any problems before...ya know? But now, when I see that it isn't going to work, we move on to other things like more holding, kissing, passion, etc. No need to fake as we both understand where she is at...and we're both OK with that now.

In the same vein, we incorporated a vibrator into our lovemaking for the first time last night. I got this little thing made by Trojan and used it on her while I performed orally on her. Just 2 minutes in and...umm...heh...*BOOM!!*! Fireworks. LOL!


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I do. What do you want to know?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Coldie said:


> I consider a woman going through the orgasm motions, as orgasming. Maybe she physically doesn't hit her peak, but mentally, she wants to let you know she appreciates you. Women can't always cum during sex, but that doesn't mean mentally they do not have the need to connect and turn you on with how they respond to your sex. Not all women "fake" orgasm just to make you feel good. They also do it to make themselves feel good. It makes them feel like women. It makes them feel like they've connected and they enjoy seeing how you respond to their moans of how they are cumming. It really is a mental orgasm.
> 
> Does that mean all women that "fake" are having a mental orgasm? Probably not. I am sure some fake it just because they are bored and want you to hurry up and cum.
> 
> ...


This is a very interesting approach. Thank you for sharing!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I would never want my partner to fake. If they want me to do something different, they should let me know. If they don't have an orgasm sometimes, that's fine, its not a requirement. 

I want whatver feedback I can get to be a better lover. If someone fakes, then it makes it more difficult for me to improve.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

I've never faked it and never will...


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Fitnessfan said:


> ....I wouldn't really know how to act like I was having one at the time, lol.


Oh, that one is an easy one to remedy FF...Just follow her lead....*giggle*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZluzt3H6tk


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Seems to me you need to work out some sort of communication mechanism for those times when she is not going to get there. 

At those times my wife acts a little more animated and whispers in my ear "give it to me baby!!" 

Feels good to me, I don't confuse it with an orgasm. It just says "this has been great, go ahead and let go". 

She doesn't talk when she comes . I suppose some could mistake it for faking but that would be uninformed


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I've never faked it with my H but if I wanted to, I could totally fake him out. I think most women could, if they needed or wanted to, fake a decent performance. It isn't that hard.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> Maybe I'm weird but it doesn't seem that hard for men to fake orgasm either. Arousal, hard to fake but the orgasm itself unless tasted? Eh.


I've fake it. A few times when I knew I wasn't going to get there.


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

Did it with my ex just to liven things up a bit,but I was very young and its usually young girls that fake orgasms. I'll share the flip side. 

For a loong time I stopped making noise when I was having an orgasm with hubby. Why? Because everytime I became verbal/loud, he came within seconds.. Everytime! I was only "close" to being there,and would never get to get "mine" bc he beat me to it. So I learned that if I wanted to "o", or was getting close, I'd have to do so quietly. Now that we've been married so long, he lets me get mine first and follows my cues better.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I guess I'm just used to always seeing the spunk after sex, somewhere...in me, on me, on us, on him, somewhere. So if there was a supposed O by a man I was having sex with but I never saw spunk somewhere, I would be suspicious of that for sure. It may not hit me in the moment, but it definitely would later. 

I can see why men would fake it for the same reasons women do.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I'll admit it. I have faked it a few times. I just knew no matter what it just wasn't going to happen. It wasn't theatrical either like that Harry Met Sally scene.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I have never faked an orgasm...

In our beginning yrs, I was kinda shy/QUIET about showing a lot of expression.. but he always KNEW ...the accelerated breathing... how we'd collapse together in each other's arms...he was a master at knowing when to let loose... it's not something we even talked about .....it was just deeply felt, the intensity at the end.. and KNOWN.. I would always laugh right after...strangely...then wanting to hold him close. 

It's always been on the rarer side for me not to get one... only if he slips too soon (then I'll want to pound him saying "NO NO!! you have to do that again [email protected]#$" )... or we've had too much sex in a short period of time (happens to him occasionally too)... 

My H is the type that it means a great great deal that I get mine....to the point if he knew I wasn't up for an *"O" *...he would decline my advances & wait until I was.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

UMP,

All I can tell you is WHAT I did from the start. I believe it was effective. Regardless it was the right thing to do and I'm glad I did it. 

The first time M2 didn't finish - it was early days - we weren't even thinking about getting engaged.

I just asked her: Anything I can do different, more of, less of? 
She said: No, sometimes I can and sometimes I can't, it's not about you.
I said: Don't ever pretend with me. Its important to me that you don't pretend. I want the real you, whatever that is. I ALSO want you to tell me what turns you on/off outside the bedroom. 

---------
Ask for the truth. And when you get it, embrace the truth. 

If you make her feel safe, she will be transparent with you. And that's intimacy. 




UMP said:


> I ask because in the back of my mind, I'm wondering if my wife may be doing this to appease me. I am certain she cums often, ( I think) but the last time we had sex I was really tuned to her actions and was a bit skeptical.
> 
> Call me stupid, paranoid or whatever for wondering. Just interested in how often this sort of thing really happens.
> Also, I'm interested in how good of an actress women who do fake are. If a woman is good at faking orgasm, can she be that good as to fool her husband for years?
> ...


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> I guess I'm just used to always seeing the spunk after sex, somewhere...in me, on me, on us, on him, somewhere. So if there was a supposed O by a man I was having sex with but I never saw spunk somewhere, I would be suspicious of that for sure. It may not hit me in the moment, but it definitely would later.
> 
> I can see why men would fake it for the same reasons women do.


Yep that's why I've faked it. Just couldn't get there with condom use is primary reason.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I faked for 10 years of my marriage. I started faking 8 years in so went 18 years having never had an orgasm with DH. During the years I wasn't faking and during the years I was faking my DH never asked me anything about it or showed any interest in me having an orgasm. We never talked about sex at all for 18 years. 

In retrospect I wasn't trying to cover for his feelings. I was trying to cover for myself. I wanted to be a fun, responsive lover. I wanted dh to feel wanted and to show some enthusiasm. 

When I started faking it, it wasn't anything that had happened with DH. It was something that had happened with me. I'd lost interest in sex over the years, the not cumming, the having small children. Right then I'd lost 20 pounds, we'd finally settled down after moving 7 times. We had a new start. I was watching a reality series on prostitution and the prostitutes were saying the married men that came in either wanted a BJ or they just wanted to be shown some enthusiasm where at home they got begrudging 'are you done yet?' 

As far as the mechanics go its not difficult. I pay attention to what happens when I cum for real. Then you duplicate it. During the years I was faking with my DH I was getting myself off sometimes every day. I was familiar with the sensations. You can even kegal to reproduce the vaginal contractions. 

Now - I will say that my DH says he never knew if what I was doing was cumming. But I never complained about not cumming so he assumed whatever was happening was good enough. So all my efforts to pass myself off as a highly sexed, easily orgasming parter kind of missed the mark. 

I don't now and won't ever again - why, because I like orgasms and want to have them. It's been a bumpy road with DH and my orgasms because he started out really unconcerned if I had one or not. It eventually came down to me saying I wasn't having sex anymore unless I'd had one. That was in October. Because he was fine trying this or that for 10 minutes and then saying oh well, it's not going to happen so I might as well just get mine.

Both DH and I have had to grow up. A lot. And I do not think he was malicious as much as just immature and ignorant of the female sexual response cycle. 

We've got things pretty worked out now and it is somewhat of a compromise with my vibrator involved. It's not me that insists on the vibrator but it does produce a reliable orgasm much faster than other methods. He doesn't seem tied to getting me off himself without help so things get to a point and the vibrator comes out and we are both happy with the results. 

More than the orgasms it's nice to be able to talk about sex now and give compliments that are sincere. Our issues were communication based more than anything else.


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## Casinojade28 (Mar 30, 2015)

I have never and will never fake an orgasm! If I want to stop I will tell my partner that it's not going to happen. If it's something he needs improving on I am definitely not going to give him false appraisal! I never worry about it going on for too long now because my husband is an extremely selfish lover.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I know this may sound strange, but i would not know how to fake one.

I think if my hubby faked one i would know.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

If I wanted to test out whether or not my wife was faking and tried to stick a finger up her bum (as one writer here suggested), that would end that sexual encounter then and there--no faking, no nada!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Lots of women fake. It's so common. I can understand if it's a one night stand, or a casual thing, but it's hard for me to grasp why any woman would continue to do this in a long term relationship. How can you improve a sex life if you leave the impression with your partner that everything they're doing is sending you to breath stealing heights? I can understand the temptation to fake, many of us men don't consider a sexual experience complete without orgasms for all, but I still think it's the wrong route to take.

My wife doesn't fake. She's had orgasms since the first time she was ever with a boy, and she's never faked with anybody. She didn't even know it was that pervasive until I started posting on TAM and got into a debate with a female poster who believe ALL women fake, and the ones who don't are lying. She thinks it's terribly deceitful for a woman to do it in the confines of a long term relationship.

She's also a terrible actor. I would know, I am one LOL.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Well see, if she had orgasms from the first time she had sex on - why would she ever have to fake? 

How about you expect to have orgasms like men do and nothing ever happens? And you don't know why it doesn't happen or what would make it happen. Even if you can have orgasms alone it's different trying to have one with a partner. 

What if your partner tries and tries and won't give up till you have one and you just want it over? What if your partner blames you for not being able to? What if you are just too embarrassed to say you aren't or don't want to hurt a man's feelings because you aren't. 

I had a therapist that encouraged me to fake because that's all it took for her to start having them, faking till you make it. 

I'd say a really lot of women don't understand why it isn't happening and are too embarrassed to say and get stuck doing what they imagine they are supposed to do. 

On the occasion I watch porn - most of the orgasms I see there seemed faked, again just a portrayal for the man's enjoyment. 

It's really sometimes quite a complicated situation.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I just had to add one more point. When this topic comes up I get very upset because of my history, there's obviously a lot of anger and grief I'm still dealing with. 

When I faked my first orgasm I'd been having sex for 12 years and had 5 sexual partners. I had never had an orgasm in all that time. Nobody I'd been with had asked me or seemed concerned in the least. 8 years went by with my husband before I started faking, as I said earlier. He never asked me, never went down on me, never even tried to manually stimulate me.

After 12 years I truly believed I would never have an orgasm and I also believed I was entirely broken and incapable of something that happened to other women without a second thought. 

Of course I know a lot better now and if I had to do it over I would have never ever slept with a man twice if he hadn't acted concerned the first time if I was cumming or not. 

But that is not what happened to me and did believe I was truly defective and at a point I did start to portray what I wished I was. At the time I thought I could live with that indefinitely. It wasn't until I turned 43 and had been having sex for 21 years that I started to not be able to live with it anymore and started wanting something better for myself.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> It's really sometimes quite a complicated situation.


It obviously is. And it's understandable.

But lots of ills are understandable. I don't think the pervasiveness of women faking it has helped most of their lovers become better at pleasing them in bed. Just because you can empathize with a behavior doesn't mean you condone it. 

I also think it teaches females to place the responsibility of their own pleasure, and the exploration of their sexuality, at the feet of men. So girls grow up into women who are disconnected from their own bodies, going through the motions, hoping some guy will take an interest in helping her discover a sexuality she should've been exploring already on her own.


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> There is one woman on here who has a thread where she said that she has never had a orgasm with her husband, she always makes it.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/257434-sex-toys.html
> 
> Me? I've never done it. Never even thought about it... and am sort of surprised when I hear that some women do this.


When I started having sex around 17 years old, I didn't know what an orgasm was to feel like. Like many girls, I was enamored with reading romance novels that describes how one is supposed to fell after being intimate so I bought into that concept. I enjoy having sex with my husband because primarily I feel closer to him but always felt as if there had to be more and couldn't understand why I was left feeling frustrated. Confiding in one of my sisters who suggested buying a vibrator and masturbation, I had my first orgasm. Having faked it for all of my married life, I am realizing how I now have conditioned my husband by my response. I mean it isn't as if how the female orgasm is discussed in sex ed so I knew that sex felt good and I liked having it but never knew how good it could be until I had to get over all the shame of masturbation that was taught in Christian/Catholic school.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

If you stop having sex, you don't have to worry whether she is faking.


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## 1marriedlady (Mar 27, 2015)

I don't have them very often, ok truth be told, almost never. So yes I fake it. It's not his fault, it's mine. Why make him feel bad because I can't.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> Well see, if she had orgasms from the first time she had sex on - why would she ever have to fake?
> 
> How about you expect to have orgasms like men do and nothing ever happens? And you don't know why it doesn't happen or what would make it happen. Even if you can have orgasms alone it's different trying to have one with a partner.
> 
> ...


Yes, this is exactly my experience too. You are not alone.


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

I don't fake but I embellish a great deal. My husband has watched too much porn and thinks that's what a girl should look like/sound like when she orgasms. I'm naturally quite when I orgasm. When I'm solo and it's really good I moan a little but that's it. I could tell that disappointed him and he would try harder and harder to get the reaction he desired so finally I just gave in. I yell scream/shake etc. It sucks though because now I'm so focused on the show I've got to put on that it hinders my actual orgasm. Anyways if she's a good enough actress you'll never know. Talk to her and let know it's ok if she doesn't orgasm every time. That you'd rather her enjoy things then put on a show for you.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I'm certainly no expert on faking (or sex for that matter) but I think very loud dramatics might be a cue that there is some faking going on. Not that it necessarily IS, but that it might be.

The women I've been with could get loud but not rediculously so.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I've done it before, in my younger years. I've never faked with current hb..... my O rate with him is really high so when I can't I tell him and he understands. Sometimes he can't and I understand, it's not all about orgasms but about spousal intimacy.

The honesty is important, but if it's a once in a while thing its probably not a big deal. If you fake all the time though it becomes harder and harder to come clean because of the deception. 

Be honest, but guys need to let it go if your wife tells you it's not happening. If you push she'll either fake or it'll be a lot of pressure that will interfere.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

I don't care if my wife fakes or not. If she does, she's only hurting herself. I'm only going to go back to the well on things that I've seen work before. I'll do anything for my wife that generates a positive response and seems to give her enjoyment. 

I don't grade myself based on whether she O's or not. I'll do what I can and try things I know she likes. But, at the end of the day, she's responsible for her O and I'm responsible for mine. Flooding the bed with mis-information is highly counter productive.


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