# Sexy social media pictures



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

Latest update:
I got some helpful insight and we agreed to go through my pics and take out scandalous ones that send a bad message but keep ones that can be thought sexy but clearly aren’t a thirst trap(not sexual in nature, just me looking good 😎)
Happy compromise 😁
thanks everyone, i know it was very triggering to some. I won’t be replying anymore but feel free to discuss this further.

UPDATE:
Only responding to constructive and well intentioned replies, opposition is very welcome(and expected, my research confirms that my point of view is not common at all), trash talking is not. Also, I just want to inform y’all that my husband and I do not ever spare each other discomfort to avoid conflict. Thank you, but “Don’t do things that make each other Uncomfortable” is not helpful advice to us, it’s not our style

Hello everyone, I’d like to discuss openly and without judgement a topic that my husband and I discuss at length, often.
I posted pictures on social media, and they make my husband uncomfortable. Too sexy he says.
so once again, we’re going back and forth about what’s okay to post and what’s not.
Why is it disrespectful to your husband to post pictures some people will find sexy?
to clarify..
reasons I posted these pictures:
1.I’m showing off my figure, I train hard and I’m proud of it.
2. I really like my new workout clothes(which hubby encouraged me to buy) and want to show them off
3. Getting Likes(no interest or desire to receive comments or messages)
I would love insight and perspective, thank you!

EDIT:
Important information to viewers
I like taking pictures in general (lighting, pose, background) I’m not seeking male attention, I’m seeking likes as I do with ALL my pictures, including my son’s soccer games, and husbands fancy cooking. Lol


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am with your husband. I have no idea why you would want to do this, except to get male attention. 
Maybe listen to him and respect his opinions and wishes on this?


----------



## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

If hubby doesn't like you doing it, then you need to respect him enough to stop doing it.

You are being an attention seeker even though you deny it. If you want to show off your figure, show it off to hubby. If you want to show off your figure to strange men, then leave your hubby and explore this activity to your hearts content.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Why do you have the need for validation from others is the real question. Ego kibbles.


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Tabithag23 said:


> Hello everyone, I’d like to discuss openly and without judgement a topic that my husband and I discuss at length, often.
> I posted pictures on social media, and they make my husband uncomfortable. Too sexy he says.
> so once again, we’re going back and forth about what’s okay to post and what’s not.
> Why is it disrespectful to your husband to post pictures some people will find sexy?
> ...


Why is it disrespectful? Because he is uncomfortable with it. Would you be comfortable if he were sliding into DMs of other women? To him, posting those pictures is equivalent.

Here are some things to think about from a man's point of view.

Sexy pictures are thirst traps. To men seeing those pictures you're advertising you are available. You aren't available, and your sexuality is for your husband not thirsty strangers. Be honest, what are your DMs like? If your husband read them how would he react?

You are a married woman. Sexy thirst trap posts are something single women do. As a married woman, to your man your social presence is representing your family and your marriage. Do you post respectful family pictures on the same feed?

At the end of the day, social media is about brand management. Your brand now should be happily married woman, not thirst trap hottie.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Tabithag23 said:


> I posted pictures on social media, and they make my husband uncomfortable. Too sexy he says. ... Why is it disrespectful to your husband to post pictures some people will find sexy?


It's disrespectful because it makes your husband uncomfortable and it bothers him. That's it in a nutshell ... you either respect your husband or you flaunt your body online. Frankly, I don't get it. If your husband thinks you have a smokin' hot body, who gives a crap what a bunch of other people out in cyberspace think?


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

For the life of me I just can't get my head straight about all these pathetic attention seeking women and their pictures of them with their phone in their hand, their lips protruding like a pair of blood sucking leeches and those contortionated bodies, to show just how (supposedly) hot they are.


To me that's nothing but a turn off to see those pictures. A lot of those women are not even anywhere as hot. they just fool themselves thinking that they are to begin with. But hey let them fool themselves.

If OP were my woman and start with that crap, pretty soon she would be just someone I used to know after I dumped her sorry ass.

Women + vanity= their downfall.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> I am with your husband. I have no idea why you would want to do this, except to get male attention.
> Maybe listen to him and respect his opinions and wishes on this?


Hi Diana, it’s important for me to understand his perspective. I liked the picture but he doesn’t, why is his opinion more valid?


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You might as well divorce with your attitude.
It’s not about who has the valid opinion.
You are seeking attention from other men, he’s not an idiot, and you are totally disregarding his feelings.

What’s your next move? My guess is you’ll start getting into a back and forth with some cute guy who likes your pictures, your husband will show righteous anger, and you will hit him with the “why are you so insecure??????😇”
Or “you’re so controlling”…..

just slap in the face, tell him he’s not good enough for you, and that you are too hot to be with him.

because that’s exactly what you’re doing with your social media posts.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Tabithag23 said:


> Hi Diana, it’s important for me to understand his perspective. I liked the picture but he doesn’t, why is his opinion more valid?


It's not that one opinion is more valid than another. 

Whether you realize it or not, when you post sexy pictures on social media, you are signalling romantic availability to other men. Granted, that may not be your intent, but intent and impact are often two different things. 

The more important question is why you feel the need to do it. Have you actually reflected on that yet, or are you just doing what feels good?

And look...you can do what you want. If my wife chose to do that, I would tell her once that I was not okay with it. If she blew me off, I would start making arrangements to make her my ex wife in short order.

Most women (and men for that matter) are ordinary...replaceable. If you want your husband to view you as irreplaceable and extraordinary, then stop doing what ordinary, attention seeking, 'recreational use only' females do. 

Or... continue, and risk losing your husband. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

The person who is NOT in agreement with some act has the veto. This should be obvious.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You might as well divorce with your attitude.
It’s not about who has the valid opinion.
You are seeking attention from other men, he’s not an idiot, and you are totally disregarding his feelings.

What’s your next move? My guess is you’ll start getting into a back and forth with some cute guy who likes your pictures, your husband will show righteous anger, and you will hit him with the “why are you so insecure??????😇”
Or “you’re so controlling”…..

just slap in the face, tell him he’s not good enough for you, and that you are too hot to be with him.

because that’s exactly what you’re doing with your social media posts.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

ah_sorandy said:


> If hubby doesn't like you doing it, then you need to respect him enough to stop doing it.
> 
> You are being an attention seeker even though you deny it. If you want to show off your figure, show it off to hubby. If you want to show off your figure to strange men, then leave your hubby and explore this activity to your hearts content.


Thank you for replying, but what did I deny?


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

As a man, I have learned the hard way to just walk away from ladies who post provocative pics online for attention from other men. In your husband's shoes, I'd just walk away. 

Right now, you are putting the opinions and attention of other men over your husband and you wonder why he is upset. You could just...not post sexy pics online and this problem would go away, but the attention you get is too valuable to you to give up, so you instead choose to put your marriage in jeopardy.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Tabithag23 said:


> Why is it disrespectful to your husband to post pictures some people will find sexy?


Given that you have discussed this topic at great length with your husband, what's your understanding of why he feels it's disrespectful to him as your husband - and which denotes to your marriage?


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> Why do you have the need for validation from others is the real question. Ego kibbles.


I know I’m sexy, I don’t need validation. It’s a state of mind that comes and goes. But these pictures show photography skills, they show new muscles I didn’t have before, they show a stylish outfit that we picked out together. What’s so scary about some of the viewers only caring about it being a sexy woman?


----------



## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Tabithag23 said:


> Thank you for replying, but what did I deny?


That you didn't want 'likes' or any interest in receiving comments... "3. Getting Likes(no interest or desire to receive comments or messages) "


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

Enigma32 said:


> As a man, I have learned the hard way to just walk away from ladies who post provocative pics online for attention from other men. In your husband's shoes, I'd just walk away.
> 
> Right now, you are putting the opinions and attention of other men over your husband and you wonder why he is upset. You could just...not post sexy pics online and this problem would go away, but the attention you get is too valuable to you to give up, so you instead choose to put your marriage in jeopardy.


I wasn’t being sexual or provocative at all. I’m proud of the outfit, my muscles, my hair, the background. The sexyness of it is subjective


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Tabithag23 said:


> I know I’m sexy, I don’t need validation. It’s a state of mind that comes and goes. But these pictures show photography skills, they show new muscles I didn’t have before, they show a stylish outfit that we picked out together. What’s so scary about some of the viewers only caring about it being a sexy woman?


Why would you want men, other than your husband, viewing you as a sexy woman? Is that a turn on for you? If you’ve worked hard for your body, you should appreciate that. I’m sure your husband does. Why does the rest of the world need to know? Does it make you feel better? Confident people are secure. They don’t need “likes” from strangers on social media.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Tabithag23 said:


> Thank you for replying, but what did I deny?


(1) You're denying that you did this for attention and ego kibbles from people other than your husband.
(2) You're denying your lack of respect for your husbands opinion.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

DownButNotOut said:


> Why is it disrespectful? Because he is uncomfortable with it. Would you be comfortable if he were sliding into DMs of other women? To him, posting those pictures is equivalent.
> 
> Here are some things to think about from a man's point of view.
> 
> ...


I really appreciate the time you took to provide some real perspective. 
My brand isn’t thirst trap hottie and never has been. It’s adventurous, athletic, creative. I don’t shake my butt or jiggle my boobs. When my husband met me I wore clothes and makeup that made me happy and still does. I reject advances just like I did before we met. It seems like a huge part of being married is proving to everyone you’re loyal and devoted. Why can’t I just do what makes me happy and be loyal and devoted.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> It's disrespectful because it makes your husband uncomfortable and it bothers him. That's it in a nutshell ... you either respect your husband or you flaunt your body online. Frankly, I don't get it. If your husband thinks you have a smokin' hot body, who gives a crap what a bunch of other people out in cyberspace think?


A lot of folks on here seem to agree that if it makes your partner uncomfortable, don’t do it. Heres some examples of why I don’t agree:
Pushing boundaries is good for personal growth
Fear can be conquered and overcome 
People actually like a whole slew of things they were once uncomfortable with.

so no, making my husband uncomfortable is not disrespectful. And Vise Versa. Thoughtful actions, compromise, honesty, and patience is key, not blind obedience.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Tabithag23 said:


> I know I’m sexy, I don’t need validation. It’s a state of mind that comes and goes. But these pictures show photography skills, they show new muscles I didn’t have before, they show a stylish outfit that we picked out together. What’s so scary about some of the viewers only caring about it being a sexy woman?


If you mischaracterize your husband the way you just did with this poster, I can truly understand why your husband has a problem with it. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Tabithag23 said:


> A lot of folks on here seem to agree that if it makes your partner uncomfortable, don’t do it. Heres some examples of why I don’t agree:
> Pushing boundaries is good for personal growth
> Fear can be conquered and overcome
> People actually like a whole slew of things they were once uncomfortable with.
> ...


Just be sure to update us when you guys divorce over this. I hope it was worth it to you.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Ah, this young generation and social media. I feel badly for my kids who are going to have rough times with relationships.

OP is an affair waiting to happen


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Tabithag23 said:


> A lot of folks on here seem to agree that if it makes your partner uncomfortable, don’t do it. Heres some examples of why I don’t agree:
> Pushing boundaries is good for personal growth
> Fear can be conquered and overcome
> People actually like a whole slew of things they were once uncomfortable with.
> ...


The reasons you disagree could also be applied to you if you decided not to post the photos. You may experience personal growth, conquering fear, and get comfortable to not post the photos... that is, extending beyond the photos yet growing as a partner within your marriage.

Whether it be your example of posting photos or some other thing, there's typically micro-decisions alongside bigger decisions that contribute to the shaping of the dynamic of a marriage. That does not mean some kind of blind obedience. There may be things that your husband may do in the future that at some point makes you uncomfortable, and then it's how you navigate those scenarios together as a couple. Again, it's not blind obedience. Individually we can choose to do whatever we like. However, it's naive to not consider there's consequences to the marriage. And there can be missed opportunities for growth if we also don't get out of our own way sometimes.

When my husband and I were going through a rocky patch years back, I was offered a music gig. I didn't seek it out. That music-related hobby was how we met and then I kind of outgrew it. Or so I thought. The notion of a residency gig reignited the thought to pursue it. When I shared with my husband about the idea of accepting the gig, his reaction was not positive. He succinctly raised why he wasn't down with me doing late nights at a bar, and which I rebutted it wasn't about those concerns of his and was about the music, to which he responded essentially 'you do you but that's not conducive to married life with me'. Okay. Stylus-across-the-record moment. Given we weren't in the best of places, it would have been 'easy' to have stubbornly disregarded his stance. And not a particularly emotionally mature way to handle things either. I had a choice and reflected. The idea of the gig did not hold that much weight for me. Life with him and protecting our marriage did (does). An easy choice to make. No regrets. There was no blind obedience. I had a choice; as did he. We've been navigating this relationship-stuff together for 27 years. I feel blessed not only to know him but to be sharing our lives. Moments happen. Decisions and priorities are made and no doubt adjusted along the way. If you want to prioritize the 'freedom' to post photos as you want, just know that it has a price. Or rather, the attitude towards your marriage likely will. Whether now or down the track.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

@heartsbeating very well said.


----------



## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Respecting him and your marriage is not "blind obedience."

You hurt him when you seek attention from other men. Is it so important to you that will continue to do it, knowing that you're hurting him?


----------



## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Nope, nope, nope.

Men see you as advertising yourself.

But you knew that when you posted said sexy pics.

And when one is married, both partners should not do things that make thei partner uncomfortable.

Forget this topic ( your suggestive sexy pics), lets say one spouse is spending too much time with an opposite sex friend. If their partner says that makes her/him uncomfotable then they need to stop seeing that person.

It's the principle I'm getting at here, not a specific example.

Why would you knowingly and intentionally do something that makes your partner uncomfortable?


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Tabithag23 said:


> A lot of folks on here seem to agree that if it makes your partner uncomfortable, don’t do it. Heres some examples of why I don’t agree:
> Pushing boundaries is good for personal growth


So if he pushes boundaries more and more, starting texting other women... then dating other women, it's good for personal growth?



> Fear can be conquered and overcome
> People actually like a whole slew of things they were once uncomfortable with.


Sure, and if both partners are happy, all the better, but you are cutting him out of the equation.



> so no, making my husband uncomfortable is not disrespectful. And Vise Versa. Thoughtful actions, compromise, honesty, and patience is key, not blind obedience.


You don't get to determine what is disrespectful to him or not. He does.
How about he just checks out a woman walking past you in public, whistles and what not. And then tells you it's not disrespectful?


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

RebuildingMe said:


> Ah, this young generation and social media. I feel badly for my kids who are going to have rough times with relationships.
> 
> OP is an affair waiting to happen


Social media is not the problem, OP is just selfish and only GAF about herself regardless of her husband's feelings, just my opinion anyway. No offense OP but I say it as it is.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Tabithag23 said:


> Hi Diana, it’s important for me to understand his perspective. I liked the picture but he doesn’t, why is his opinion more valid?


Nothing wrong with you liking a photo, it's when you seek attention and likes on social media for it that the problems start. Why not get a couple printed out and framed and have them in your house?It's not that he doesn't like the picture, he just doesn't like you using it to get attention frim others.
You are seeking the 'likes' to make you feel better about yourself, otherwise you wouldn't need to do it.

If I saw a photo like yours on social media I would deliberately not 'like' it because I don't think it's a good idea to encourage this longing for constant validation. Sadly you get the usual awful comments such as ' you are looking great babe', or 'go for it sexy girl' and the like. I would love it if women didn't feel they needed to validated by doing this. It's really sad actually.

If you care about your husband and marriage why do it? If my husband asked me not to do something like this and was clearly unhappy about it I would stop immediately because he is far more important than 'likes' on social media. You say you are not looking for comments, I suspect you are, as well as the likes.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Social media is not the problem, OP is just selfish and only GAF about herself regardless of her husband's feelings, just my opinion anyway. No offense OP but I say it as it is.


I won't blame OP entirely, I think it's a cultural shift. While OP came here and didn't find much support for her side, if she takes her story elsewhere, a lot of people will just call her husband controlling and insecure. I'm old enough that I remember a time when someone of the opposite sex wouldn't dare call your house to speak with you. Now we are at the point where married people post sexy pics online for other men to openly flirt with and it's culturally encouraged.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Tabithag23 said:


> I know I’m sexy, I don’t need validation. It’s a state of mind that comes and goes. But these pictures show photography skills, they show new muscles I didn’t have before, they show a stylish outfit that we picked out together. What’s so scary about some of the viewers only caring about it being a sexy woman?


The thing is that you DO need validation otherwise why would you do it. If you know you are sexy and your husband thinks you are sexy then why the need for the likes? Be thankful for what you have and respect your husband.
Take it from an older lady, stop doing it if you value your husband and marriage.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> I won't blame OP entirely, I think it's a cultural shift. While OP came here and didn't find much support for her side, if she takes her story elsewhere, a lot of people will just call her husband controlling and insecure. I'm old enough that I remember a time when someone of the opposite sex wouldn't dare call your house to speak with you. Now we are at the point where married people post sexy pics online for other men to openly flirt with and it's culturally encouraged.


Just whether people work as a team or not for me.

Some men get off on their trophy wives. Obviously OPs husband isn't one of them lol

It just takes two.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Just whether people work as a team or not for me.
> 
> Some men get off on their trophy wives. Obviously OPs husband isn't one of them lol
> 
> It just takes two.


I think a lot of men take pride in knowing their partner is attractive, I know I do. I still wouldn't want her posting sexy pics all over the internet because she was obviously addicted to the attention from other people.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I wouldn't have a problem with it. Tell your husband to get out of the cave and enter the 21st century.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In Absentia said:


> I wouldn't have a problem with it. Tell your husband to get out of the cave and enter the 21st century.


Yeah but he does! 

Are you really endorsing her to disrespect his boundaries?


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah but he does!
> 
> Are you really endorsing her to disrespect his boundaries?


They are silly boundaries.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> I wouldn't have a problem with it. Tell your husband to get out of the cave and enter the 21st century.


I think you are in the minority. Would you really want a wife who is desperate for likes and comments from other men to make her feel good about herself? Many things in the 21st century are very damaging and harmful and this is one of them. People who are so affected by how they are seen on social media that it deeply affects their life. I think its sad and pretty pathetic actually.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> They are silly boundaries.


To you, not to most people. I would never disrespect Mr D by acting that way. Or myself come to that.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> I think you are in the minority. Would you really want a wife who is desperate for likes and comments form other men to make her feel good about herself? Many things in the 21st century are very damaging and harmful and this is one of them. People who are so affected by how they are seen on social media that it deeply affects their life. I think its sad and pretty pathetic actually.


You are distorting what she said. She doesn't come across like desperate to me. She didn't say she needs likes from other men to feel good about herself. She likes showing off her new muscles. I don't find anything wrong with it.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> To you, not to most people. I would never disrespect Mr D by acting that way. Or myself come to that.


How do you know that "most people" wouldn't find them silly? Have you conducted a survey about it? How many people have you interviewed? You are projecting your beliefs. It's obvious that they see life in a completely different way and the gap is pretty wide. I wouldn't want to be with a man who tells me what I can do and what I can't do. It's harmless pics on social media. The man's been controlling. Small penis syndrome.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In Absentia said:


> They are silly boundaries.


Boundaries are not about whether you find them silly or not. It's where your partner draws the line, and you simply have to decide if it's something you can respect it or not.
Can you really tolerate your wife disrespecting yours? Really?

Standards are also relative to the couple and what works for them both, it shouldn't be one-sided. We can have our opinions in this thread, but we have OP's opinion, and her husband's opinion. That's what matters. 

And *he* says *no*. Is this how relationships should be? We just disregard our partner's feelings and do whatever the hell we want?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why do men like to see images of sexy women on the Internet and on social media? Why has there been a corresponding increase in the sales of tissue paper? Is there a connection? Nah! Must be a coincidence!🤔🙂


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

Rob_1 said:


> For the life of me I just can't get my head straight about all these pathetic attention seeking women and their pictures of them with their phone in their hand, their lips protruding like a pair of blood sucking leeches and those contortionated bodies, to show just how (supposedly) hot they are.
> 
> 
> To me that's nothing but a turn off to see those pictures. A lot of those women are not even anywhere as hot. they just fool themselves thinking that they are to begin with. But hey let them fool themselves.
> ...





Evinrude58 said:


> You might as well divorce with your attitude.
> It’s not about who has the valid opinion.
> You are seeking attention from other men, he’s not an idiot, and you are totally disregarding his feelings.
> 
> ...





farsidejunky said:


> It's not that one opinion is more valid than another.
> 
> Whether you realize it or not, when you post sexy pictures on social media, you are signalling romantic availability to other men. Granted, that may not be your intent, but intent and impact are often two different things.
> 
> ...


Women get unwanted attention from men no matter what unfortunately, I’m not signaling to anyone and it’s obvious. My bio, and the majority of my pics are family oriented. so, the few pics of me in workout clothes or a bathing suit are not the centerpiece but a piece of the whole. I’m not shaking my butt or jiggling my boobs, I’m showing off to friends and family. I’m saying “look how good I look” not “hey strange man, message me privately”
Why would friends and family also like the pictures? Cause it’s okay to show off! They don’t think the same thing as creeps online, they like my outfit, the background choice, my effort! Times are changing, women are not putting on makeup and cute clothes for men anymore. I’m not referring to thirst traps, Pictures that are sexual. I’m referring to pictures that display your beauty/youth/health/style.. it’s okay to show the world (my profile is private so only friends, family, and the occasional creeps that get deleted as soon as they do creepy stuff) that you’re feeling yourself and confident. My husband posts pictures of himself looking good too. Showing his muscles, jumping rope in the gym. What’s the difference?


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Tabithag23 said:


> I really appreciate the time you took to provide some real perspective.
> My brand isn’t thirst trap hottie and never has been. It’s adventurous, athletic, creative. I don’t shake my butt or jiggle my boobs. When my husband met me I wore clothes and makeup that made me happy and still does. I reject advances just like I did before we met. It seems like a huge part of being married is proving to everyone you’re loyal and devoted. Why can’t I just do what makes me happy and be loyal and devoted.


I'm not going to argue with you. You wanted a man's perspective and I gave it.

You don't need to prove to "everyone" you're loyal and devoted. You only need to prove it to your husband.

At the end of the day you have to decide what's more important to you: your husband and your marriage, or your ego and social validation. I don't think you'll be able to balance the two and have a life long relationship with your husband.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Boundaries are not about whether you find them silly or not. It's where your partner draws the line, and you simply have to decide if it's something you can respect it or not.
> Can you really tolerate your wife disrespecting yours? Really?
> 
> Standards are also relative to the couple and what works for them both, it shouldn't be one-sided. We can have our opinions in this thread, but we have OP's opinion, and her husband's opinion. That's what matters.
> ...


Then I would find a partner who shares the same life values as me.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

In Absentia said:


> Then I would find a partner who shares the same life values as me.


Bingo!


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Tabithag23 said:


> My husband posts pictures of himself looking good too. Showing his muscles, jumping rope in the gym. What’s the difference?


There you go... as I suspected. The usual double standards from the husband.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> Why do men like to see images of sexy women on the Internet and on social media? Why has there been a corresponding increase in the sales of tissue paper? Is there a connection? Nah! Must be a coincidence!🤔🙂


Lol, idk they have access to porn? You’d be
wasting your lotion and Kleenex on my profile, you could go watch all the rapey videos with fake orgasms and perfectly bleached butts you want there!


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Tabithag23 said:


> Women get unwanted attention from men no matter what unfortunately, I’m not signaling to anyone and it’s obvious. My bio, and the majority of my pics are family oriented. so, the few pics of me in workout clothes or a bathing suit are not the centerpiece but a piece of the whole. I’m not shaking my butt or jiggling my boobs, I’m showing off to friends and family. I’m saying “look how good I look” not “hey strange man, message me privately”
> Why would friends and family also like the pictures? Cause it’s okay to show off! They don’t think the same thing as creeps online, they like my outfit, the background choice, my effort! Times are changing, women are not putting on makeup and cute clothes for men anymore. I’m not referring to thirst traps, Pictures that are sexual. I’m referring to pictures that display your beauty/youth/health/style.. it’s okay to show the world (my profile is private so only friends, family, and the occasional creeps that get deleted as soon as they do creepy stuff) that you’re feeling yourself and confident. My husband posts pictures of himself looking good too. Showing his muscles, jumping rope in the gym. What’s the difference?


You can even shake your butt or jiggle your boobs all you want and I would even endorse it if *he* endorses it. It's about you *TWO *and what makes you *both* happy. He's obviously not happy with it, so you're just going to do it anyway?

Don't you get it? My partner for instance wouldn't want me to have any women on the passenger seat but our family. I can think that's stupid if let's say a member of my team needs a lift home and it's along the way, but I'll still say no. It's all about respecting your partner's boundaries and vice versa. If he's onboard, sure, go for it. This isn't a debate of what is right and wrong (that means nothing to me), it's a debate of whether you are going to respect each other's boundaries - or not.

Up to you and the type of relationship you want though, but I don't see a happy ending to a relationship where one partner doesn't give a sh-t about how the other feels.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> There you go... as I suspected. The usual double standards from the husband.
> 
> 
> In Absentia said:
> ...


----------



## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Tabithag23 said:


> Women get unwanted attention from men no matter what unfortunately, I’m not signaling to anyone and it’s obvious. My bio, and the majority of my pics are family oriented. so, the few pics of me in workout clothes or a bathing suit are not the centerpiece but a piece of the whole. I’m not shaking my butt or jiggling my boobs, I’m showing off to friends and family. I’m saying “look how good I look” not “hey strange man, message me privately”
> Why would friends and family also like the pictures? Cause it’s okay to show off! They don’t think the same thing as creeps online, they like my outfit, the background choice, my effort! Times are changing, women are not putting on makeup and cute clothes for men anymore. I’m not referring to thirst traps, Pictures that are sexual. I’m referring to pictures that display your beauty/youth/health/style.. it’s okay to show the world (my profile is private so only friends, family, and the occasional creeps that get deleted as soon as they do creepy stuff) that you’re feeling yourself and confident. My husband posts pictures of himself looking good too. Showing his muscles, jumping rope in the gym. What’s the difference?


Why not take joint pictures with your husband when you're training at the gym, and outside the gym, so both of you can show your progress together?


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> You can even shake your butt or jiggle your boobs all you want and I would even endorse it if *he* endorses it. It's about you *TWO *and what makes you *both* happy. He's obviously not happy with it, so you're just going to do it anyway?
> 
> Don't you get it? My partner for instance wouldn't want me to have any women on the passenger seat but our family. I can think that's stupid if let's say a member of my team needs a lift home and it's along the way, but I'll still say no. It's all about respecting your partner's boundaries and vice versa. If he's onboard, sure, go for it. This isn't a debate of what is right and wrong (that means nothing to me), it's a debate of whether you are going to respect each other's boundaries - or not.
> 
> Up to you and the type of relationship you want though, but I don't see a happy ending to a relationship where one partner doesn't give a sh-t about how the other feels.


change is so important! I was 18 and he was 30 when we got married. THANK GOODNESS I changed since then. I care deeply about how he feels, I signed up to a marriage forum and get to read awful crap from strangers but I can sift through it and find some good insight because it’s worth it to me. Yes, some men might try to get with me. But I’m not feeble minded? You know, I can defend myself against unwanted messages. I think the bottom line is I trust him and he doesn’t trust me. Which would require a professional unfortunately this free forum can’t help with that 😅


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Tabithag23 said:


> change is so important! I was 18 and he was 30 when we got married. THANK GOODNESS I changed since then. I care deeply about how he feels, I signed up to a marriage forum and get to read awful crap from strangers but I can sift through it and find some good insight because it’s worth it to me. Yes, some men might try to get with me. But I’m not feeble minded? You know, I can defend myself against unwanted messages. I think the bottom line is I trust him and he doesn’t trust me. Which would require a professional unfortunately this free forum can’t help with that 😅


Trust is something that is built, never should be expected or demanded.

If you show him that you can respect his boundaries and keep to your commitments - trust WILL build, and who knows how he or you may feel about it in the future, you know?


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

Kaliber said:


> Why not take joint pictures with your husband when you're training at the gym, and outside the gym, so both of you can show your progress together?


Love that idea! Someone in here mentioned brand management and it really made me think about the general message I send with my pics. I deleted a few tbh, the majority of likes were from strangers.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> Trust is something that is built, never should be expected or demanded.
> 
> If you show him that you can respect his boundaries and keep to your commitments - trust WILL build, and who knows how he or you may feel about it in the future, you know?


Absolutely, thank you. No expectations, just compromise and patience. Looking back, he’s shown me more patience than I have shown him. When we met I thought he hung the moon. Lol.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> You are distorting what she said. She doesn't come across like desperate to me. She didn't say she needs likes from other men to feel good about herself. She likes showing off her new muscles. I don't find anything wrong with it.


Of course she does, she wouldn't need to do it otherwise. A person with good self esteem doesn't need to do things like that.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Well, I don’t know what you took from my post if anything, however, it’s confusing to me to read that your photos are primarily intended (as private too, I’m sure I read) to share with your family and friends yet there’s mention of what your ‘brand’ is and ‘brand management’. Why the heck does anyone need to represent themselves as a ‘brand’ to friends and family? I’ll take my cue to leave this thread. I’m out.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Of course she does, she wouldn't need to do it otherwise. A person with good self esteem doesn't need to do things like that.


But does she sound "desperate" to you?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Tabithag23 said:


> change is so important! I was 18 and he was 30 when we got married. THANK GOODNESS I changed since then. I care deeply about how he feels, I signed up to a marriage forum and get to read awful crap from strangers but I can sift through it and find some good insight because it’s worth it to me. Yes, some men might try to get with me. But I’m not feeble minded? You know, I can defend myself against unwanted messages. I think the bottom line is I trust him and he doesn’t trust me. Which would require a professional unfortunately this free forum can’t help with that 😅


You are not showing him he can trust you because of your desire for male attention.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Tabithag23 said:


> Lol, idk they have access to porn? You’d be
> wasting your lotion and Kleenex on my profile, you could go watch all the rapey videos with fake orgasms and perfectly bleached butts you want there!


As far as some men are concerned, porn isn't what they want. "Sexy social media pictures" is their particular Jones.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

heartsbeating said:


> Given that you have discussed this topic at great length with your husband, what's your understanding of why he feels it's disrespectful to him as your husband - and which denotes to your marriage?


It’s adapted over time, but after nine years of fighting about it, he thinks people I know that he doesn’t (military friends or ex coworkers) will see me and try to weasel me away from him. We had that experience recently and he thinks some of my pics gave him incentive. the friend is no longer a friend.
He also said that seeing comments with the fire symbol or anything like that make him irritated. Like, a “that’s MY wife” vibe
He is embarrassed about what his family thinks of me. (Since posting this thread, we deleted pics that were truly scandalous and I agreed not to take more like it)

it really irks me the way women(especially) and men are expected to shy away from strutting their stuff because “that’s what single people do”
Nope, “vain” people do it too. Actors and actresses do it(for free, not just for money), it is more rewarding than “hey sexy, nice ass. Wanna meet?_sends picture of penis_ That isn’t the goal at all. We hate that.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> As far as some men are concerned, porn isn't what they want. "Sexy social media pictures" is their particular Jones.


that is not my target audience. In fact I know parents who don’t post pictures of their children because predators will do the same thing with those photos. I understand the fear.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

ah_sorandy said:


> That you didn't want 'likes' or any interest in receiving comments... "3. Getting Likes(no interest or desire to receive comments or messages) "


no I like getting likes, I just put in parenthesis that gross comments and messages were not welcomed.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Tabithag23 said:


> It’s adapted over time, but after nine years of fighting about it, he thinks people I know that he doesn’t (military friends or ex coworkers) will see me and try to weasel me away from him. We had that experience recently and he thinks some of my pics gave him incentive. the friend is no longer a friend.
> He also said that seeing comments with the fire symbol or anything like that make him irritated. Like, a “that’s MY wife” vibe
> He is embarrassed about what his family thinks of me. (Since posting this thread, we deleted pics that were truly scandalous and I agreed not to take more like it)
> 
> ...


Most married people understand that posting such pictures on social media isnt healthy for a marriage. Seeking male attention apart from your husband isn't wise.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Tabithag23 said:


> no I like getting likes, I just put in parenthesis that gross comments and messages were not welcomed.


Yes but I suspect you read them anyway? Why is getting likes so important to you. If you had a healthy self esteem you honestly wouldnt need them.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> Why would you want men, other than your husband, viewing you as a sexy woman? Is that a turn on for you? If you’ve worked hard for your body, you should appreciate that. I’m sure your husband does. Why does the rest of the world need to know? Does it make you feel better? Confident people are secure. They don’t need “likes” from strangers on social media.


I agree, my confidence would be pretty easy to shatter if likes were needed. They are not. I like likes, I don’t need them. And the pics aren’t too confirm that other men think I’m attractive that’s a consequence most of the time. The pics are an update and a way to share my current mood, my joy, how I feel about myself.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Most married people understand that posting such pictures on social media isnt healthy for a marriage. Seeking male attention apart from your husband isn't wise.


It’s not for male attention.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Yes but I suspect you read them anyway? Why is getting likes so important to you. If you had a healthy self esteem you honestly wouldnt need them.


I disagree because studies show that getting likes can be similar to a high regardless of content. I don’t post pics without planning the angle, the lighting, the pose, I use live mode on my phone in case someone blinks so I can choose a different frame. I REALLY like taking pictures. Getting likes isn’t about self esteem, it’s recognition on a small scale of course. I’m not a photographer.


Diana7 said:


> Yes but I suspect you read them anyway? Why is getting likes so important to you. If you had a healthy self esteem you honestly wouldnt need them.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The summary answer if there's a real question somewhere might be summarized as if that works for you two overall, ok no worries, you know it won't go completely smooth but what does. So carry on!


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

When you are married or in a committed relationship being sexy for your mate is a good thing. Putting it out there to attract lots of attention from everyone else is crossing a boundary. On some level it reads like you are attention seeking. I say that not to be mean but to make you think. Good for you that you train hard & have a good figure. Why isn't that enough? Why do you need the external validation at the price of your husband being upset by your behavior? Do you not understand that while you view this as harmless, he views it as disrespectful? To him you are shouting to the whole world that he's not good enough & you are fishing for somebody better. I am not saying you are doing that but a part of him feels that you are; it's disrespectful.

It's not that your husband's opinion on the subject is more valuable then your opinion. It's that you didn't give his POV any weight. He has told you he doesn't like it & it hurts him. Yet you continue to post. You are intentionally hurting him after he asked you to stop. Why would you do that to someone you love? If he told you he didn't like chicken would you continuously serve chicken for dinner every night?

If you like the photography / artistry aspects of the pictures, make a private album that only you & DH can see. Stop using social media. Problem solved


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> But does she sound "desperate" to you?


She clearly seeks male attention. Otherwise why do it?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> The summary answer if there's a real question somewhere might be summarized as if that works for you two overall, ok no worries, you know it won't go completely smooth but what does. So carry on!


The problems is he doesn't want her to do it.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Tabithag23 said:


> I disagree because studies show that getting likes can be similar to a high regardless of content. I don’t post pics without planning the angle, the lighting, the pose, I use live mode on my phone in case someone blinks so I can choose a different frame. I REALLY like taking pictures. Getting likes isn’t about self esteem, it’s recognition on a small scale of course. I’m not a photographer.


Yet what you post shows that you are seeking likes for the way you look. If it was just for photography then why not just post pictures of sunsets and beautiful scenery. Its all about you seeking likes for how you look and that says to those looking that you need that to feel good about yourself.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> The summary answer if there's a real question somewhere might be summarized as if that works for you two overall, ok no worries, you know it won't go completely smooth but what does. So carry on!


Agreed! 100% expecting more conversations about sex appeal with him. He was raised and still is very traditional and conservative and I’m a very out there, don’t follow the pack, be you, hippie dippy type.. But I think consistency and a level of stability is important too. It’s important to figure out together what to keep and what to toss away when you marry your opposite. And never give up or settle for less than you deserve from each other. ☮ ten years strong in a few months, and I love every grey hair I gave him.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Tabithag23 said:


> Women get unwanted attention from men no matter what unfortunately, I’m not signaling to anyone and it’s obvious. My bio, and the majority of my pics are family oriented. so, the few pics of me in workout clothes or a bathing suit are not the centerpiece but a piece of the whole. I’m not shaking my butt or jiggling my boobs, I’m showing off to friends and family. I’m saying “look how good I look” not “hey strange man, message me privately”
> Why would friends and family also like the pictures? Cause it’s okay to show off! They don’t think the same thing as creeps online, they like my outfit, the background choice, my effort! Times are changing, women are not putting on makeup and cute clothes for men anymore. I’m not referring to thirst traps, Pictures that are sexual. I’m referring to pictures that display your beauty/youth/health/style.. it’s okay to show the world (my profile is private so only friends, family, and the occasional creeps that get deleted as soon as they do creepy stuff) that you’re feeling yourself and confident. My husband posts pictures of himself looking good too. Showing his muscles, jumping rope in the gym. What’s the difference?


I’m just going to say this:
If you’re posting pictures of you in a bathing suit on fb, I think you’re fishing. 
So does your husband.
If he’s posting “workout” photos showing his muscles and such, he is fishing too.
Fishing for:
Opposite sex interest
Ego kibbles

it’s one of the two. 

Now that’s just my opinion.

You are wanting to show off your body.
My question for you is: WHY?


----------



## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Tabithag23 said:


> My bio, and the majority of my pics are family oriented. so, the few pics of me in workout clothes or a bathing suit are not the centerpiece but a piece of the whole. I’m not shaking my butt or jiggling my boobs,
> 
> I’m showing off to friends and family. I’m saying “look how good I look” not “hey strange man, message me privately”
> Why would friends and family also like the pictures? Cause it’s okay to show off! They don’t think the same thing as creeps online, they like my outfit, the background choice, my effort!
> ...


OP could you clarify what you're showing and who your audience is limited to? Is your profile public? 

You say these pics are for friends and family, but then mention you've removed the truly scandalous ones, and that you block DMs that are creepy.

You've been fighting over THIS with your husband for years? Knowingly, slowly eroding your marriage to make a point?

You're thinking about you, and you're thinking about principle, but you're not thinking about the effects on your marriage.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

My gym posts pictures all the time. I have lots of older video, pictures, etc… of me boxing, lifting heavy stuff, doing jump rope tricks, flag football, basketball, etc…. I have even made a couple myself of training for boxing. I like the old boxing ones because it reminds me I used to be fast, especially my jab, but even slipping punches. Footage from today looks terrible.

There are women in my gym who compete in professional bikini contests and stuff and of course they post pictures of those contests. It’s their sport, they’re bodybuilders and they are proud of their sport and want validation they’re doing something good (they are). It’s also very difficult with all the diet and workouts they do to look like that.

With that said, if your partner asks you to stop posting what is the point of continuing to post? That would drain all the energy right out of it.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The play by play:

She’s posted self proclaimed “truly scandalous” pics of herself on fb.

She knows people think she’s hot because they respond with fire emojis

she has received creepy comments and has had to put a warning in her page that she doesn’t want them. (Ha! I disagree, she wants)

Her husband is embarrassed and jealous and ashamed, yet she plays mental gymnastics and tries to make it seem (her word) scandalous pics she posts are only for “likes”.

Its only a matter of time before she labels him insecure and controlling. Or those words have likely already been used toward him.


Thus brings to mind the “baby’s got her blue jeans on” song.

she can’t help it if she’s made that way
She’s not to blame if they look her wayyyyy
She’s not really tryin to cause a scene
It just comes naturallyyyyyyy, naw the girl can’t help it….

Welk in this case, the OP may be hot as hell, but she is to blame in this case, abd us trying to cause a scene.

OP, looking good is its own reward. There’s not a hot woman in the world that doesn’t get special treatment everywhere she goes. Isn’t that enough? Why do you need all the likes?
Believe me, people notice. You don’t need to bring it to their attention.


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

@Tabithag23

Just to clarify:

The pictures themselves aren't bad. Good for you on your fitness achievements.

What's bad is defying your partner's request that some behavior stop. It doesn't matter what the behavior is -- posting pictures, dying your hair, communicating with an EX, going to strip clubs, watching porn, substance abuse, etc. -- when somebody you love tells you that a particular behavior is undermining the relationship & hurting your partner, out of love & respect for the partner you curtail whatever you are doing as a show of good faith.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> When you are married or in a committed relationship being sexy for your mate is a good thing. Putting it out there to attract lots of attention from everyone else is crossing a boundary. On some level it reads like you are attention seeking. I say that to be mean but to make you think. Good for you that you train hard & have a good figure. Why isn't that enough? Why do you need the external validation & the price of your husband being upset by your behavior? Do you not understand that while you view this as harmless, he views it as disrespectful? To him you are shouting to the whole world that he's not good enough & you are fishing for somebody better. I am not saying you are doing that but a part of him feels that you are; it's disrespectful.
> 
> It's not that your husband's opinion on the subject is more valuable then your opinion. It's that you didn't give his POV any weight. He has told you he doesn't like it & it hurts him. Yet you continue to post. You are intentionally hurting him after he asked you to stop. Why would you do that to someone you love? If he told you he didn't like chicken would you continuously serve chicken for dinner every night?
> 
> If you like the photography / artistry aspects of the pictures, make a private album that only you & DH can see. Stop using social media. Problem solved


Yes! This! 100% helpful, thank you. I replied to a lot of points you brought up from other comments but I wanna reply to you too.

so I’m very liberal(socially! Not talking politics) and I feel that sex appeal is art. I think a beautiful body (photo, painting, sculpture, yarn) in a museum or gallery is the same as a tasteful picture posted online. It’s moving, it inspires, you know, art. (To be clear, I have maybe 300 followers and get roughly 50 likes on my SEXIEST pics so I stay pretty humble) That being said, they do make my husband uncomfortable for many reasons and since this post we compromised and I took down the scandalous ones, even though I’m proud of them. He agreed that his gym pics and showing off pics on his profile are okay so mine are too. And we agreed that he would see any gross DMs I get before I delete and block.

Sexuality is beautiful and deserves to be celebrated and admired respectfully not just jacked off to. But if my hubby isn’t quite there yet I’m gunna practice patience and if I’m wrong and not ahead of my time then I got a delicious chicken dinner to cook as an apology 😋
Much love!


----------



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

What does socially liberal in a relationship mean? I thought your account was private? Who’s sending gross messages if not people you know?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Tabithag23 said:


> Agreed! 100% expecting more conversations about sex appeal with him. He was raised and still is very traditional and conservative and I’m a very out there, don’t follow the pack, be you, hippie dippy type.. But I think consistency and a level of stability is important too. It’s important to figure out together what to keep and what to toss away when you marry your opposite. And never give up or settle for less than you deserve from each other. ☮ ten years strong in a few months, and I love every grey hair I gave him.


Ok. Problem solved. Good job.

Any other issues non pictures related relationship problems? (Would benefit from a new thread, but your choice).


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Tabithag23 said:


> (To be clear, I have maybe 300 followers and get roughly 50 likes on my SEXIEST pics so I stay pretty humble)


Herein is another consideration / potential problem. You have "followers" not friends. These people looking at your posts are strangers. 

Yes it get the museum art analogy & agree that the human form can be art. Perhaps in 100 years when you are dead & some anthropologist is pouring over all the social medium posts you will be art but right now It's making DH squirm. 

I think after this thread you are getting a better sense of his position & you have demonstrated a willingness to compromise so keep on talking to him. Eventually you should be able to find a middle ground that works for you both but it will be few pictures / posts than you like but more than he wants.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> She clearly seeks male attention. Otherwise why do it?


You are still not answering my question...


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

D0nnivain said:


> @Tabithag23
> 
> What's bad is defying your partner's request that some behavior stop. *It doesn't matter what the behavior is*


It does!


----------



## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

Tabithag23 said:


> It’s adapted over time, but after nine years of fighting about it, he thinks people I know that he doesn’t (military friends or ex coworkers) will see me and try to weasel me away from him. We had that experience recently and he thinks some of my pics gave him incentive. the friend is no longer a friend.


Well, this 'experience' was not instructive to you? What lesson you could draw from it?

How you choose to carry yourself on social media (and in Public), actually matters.

If you are posting photos which capture your happy family moments on social media, you might receive a lot of LIKES for these photos as well. It depends upon how big is your social circle and/or group of followers on social media platform(s). It is NOT difficult for you to expand your total count of followers on social media - not for women in general. You just need to be active and post engaging contents from time-to-time.

If you are posting your revealing photos on social media, you might receive even more LIKES for these contents *but *the catch is that you will draw *unwanted attention* as well. Some men might try to flirt with you in this case. This is typical reaction of [some] men to women who are "exhibitionists."

Social media is NOT your private space - it is social space which facilitates contact between people. Your activities on social media will determine how other people will see you (and judge you), or your intentions.



Tabithag23 said:


> He also said that seeing comments with the fire symbol or anything like that make him irritated. Like, a “that’s MY wife” vibe
> He is embarrassed about what his family thinks of me. (Since posting this thread, we deleted pics that were truly scandalous and I agreed not to take more like it)
> 
> it really irks me the way women(especially) and men are expected to shy away from strutting their stuff because “that’s what single people do”
> Nope, “vain” people do it too. Actors and actresses do it(for free, not just for money), it is more rewarding than “hey sexy, nice ass. Wanna meet?_sends picture of penis_ That isn’t the goal at all. We hate that.


Attention and validation of other people can be exciting experience, and could make you feel better; I get the feeling.

But do you want to draw _*unwanted attention*_ from other people as well? The kind of attention (and reactions) that might create more drama in your personal life? It can be helpful to be *balanced* in your online activities, therefore.

You can choose to post some cool pics on social media *but* you should also try to demonstrate to other people through your activities that you are married and have boundaries. Solution is simple: do not be graphic in your photos. And show your husband in your photos more often.

Many women like to take selfies; my wife do this as well. But she is *reserved* on social media. She does NOT want to draw _*unwanted attention*_ from other people. I have posted some photos but they are NOT revealing.


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

No it doesn't. Here it's posting pictures but of the other behaviors I described that one spouse may want to do but the other objects, how is the behavior the important part, @In Absentia ?


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

It’s not just about him, though. When you spend a lot of time seeking validation of others (that’s the whole point of garnering likes) you’re missing the present moment. There’s that running joke “that workout/trip/vacation/accomplishment didn’t happen if you’re not posting it on social media.” lol

I used to spend a lot of time on FB and over time, it just caused me to not really be “present.” I was always thinking of the next thing I’d be posting, and missing the actual moment. So my advice is a little different in that yes, you should care about what your husband thinks and respect him, but it’s also about working on enjoying your own accomplishments without feeling the urge to post about them on social media. Everything in moderation but maybe take a break for a week and see how you feel. You might find that you enjoy the moments more, when you’re not posting them on social media. Just some food for thought.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

D0nnivain said:


> No it doesn't. Here it's posting pictures but of the other behaviors I described that one spouse may want to do but the other objects, how is the behavior the important part, @In Absentia ?


You were talking in general terms about behaviours. What if he doesn't like her eating cakes? Some requests can be unreasonable. Is it ok to respect your partner's request if the request is unreasonable to you? Who is not respecting whom? He posts his pictures showing his muscles. It's double standards. Typical of a controlling male.


----------



## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Tabithag23 said:


> no I like getting likes, I just put in parenthesis that gross comments and messages were not welcomed.


This is one of those things that you either get or you don't. And you don't.

It's not enough for you to just be proud of any physical gains you've made (muscle). Nope. You have to post it on social media wearing sexy clothes so you can get "likes".

You've been conditioned like a Pavlov dog to get a dopamine hit from these "likes" and so much so it doesn't matter if it makes your husband uncomfortable. Because it's ALL ABOUT YOU!!

And who cares if others do it. What are you a teenager. Pretty pathetic to need validation from others. What happens when the muscle disappears and the looks fade? By what means will you resort to in order to get the "likes" you so desperately need?


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> You were talking in general terms about behaviours. What if he doesn't like her eating cakes? Some requests can be unreasonable. Is it ok to respect your partner's request if the request is unreasonable to you? Who is not respecting whom? He posts his pictures showing his muscles. It's double standards. Typical of a controlling male.


Even if it's unreasonable it merits discussion. If he doesn't like her eating cakes maybe she can eat fewer cakes or not in his presence. If I'm dieting I really don't want cakes in my house or to see DH eating them. Trivial yes but Hangry people are not always rational


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

D0nnivain said:


> @Tabithag23
> 
> Just to clarify:
> 
> ...


Now that depends. 
If someone told me to stop going fishing we'd have to reevaluate our whole situation.


----------



## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

"So I stay pretty humble"???

You're clueless what this word entails.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

D0nnivain said:


> Even if it's unreasonable it merits discussion. If he doesn't like her eating cakes maybe she can eat fewer cakes or not in his presence. If I'm dieting I really don't want cakes in my house or to see DH eating them. Trivial yes but Hangry people are not always rational


What's reasonable to one person can be unreasonable to another. That's why it's important to find a partner on the same wavelength as you. I wouldn't be having this conversation with my wife after 10 years of marriage.


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Now that depends.
> If someone told me to stop going fishing we'd have to reevaluate our whole situation.


Stop fishing altogether = bad. Go fishing less often & spend more time with me (your SO) = something you really need to work on to foster a good relationship.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

D0nnivain said:


> Stop fishing altogether = bad. Go fishing less often & spend more time with me (your SO) = something you really need to work on to foster a good relationship.


Pfft. I've already got the magic balance. After 38 yrs we've mapped that out.

Best times are when I take her fishing and we all enjoy being one with nature. A routine happening btw! 😁😁😁


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Tabithag23 said:


> Yes! This! 100% helpful, thank you. I replied to a lot of points you brought up from other comments but I wanna reply to you too.
> 
> so I’m very liberal(socially! Not talking politics) and I feel that sex appeal is art. I think a beautiful body (photo, painting, sculpture, yarn) in a museum or gallery is the same as a tasteful picture posted online. It’s moving, it inspires, you know, art. (To be clear, I have maybe 300 followers and get roughly 50 likes on my SEXIEST pics so I stay pretty humble) That being said, they do make my husband uncomfortable for many reasons and since this post we compromised and I took down the scandalous ones, even though I’m proud of them. He agreed that his gym pics and showing off pics on his profile are okay so mine are too. And we agreed that he would see any gross DMs I get before I delete and block.
> 
> ...


Does H check out other women's hot pictures on similar sites or porn?

If ok for you to post for others, he has every right to be an other, viewing their racy photos.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> You are still not answering my question...


Yes she is desperate for attention from her 'followers'. She keeps a tally of her likes. She puts them there for attention. No other reason. 
She may or may not be attractive(remember anyone can use photographic techniques to look a certain way) but she still seeks constant affirmation from others even if means she gets awful comments as well.


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

In Absentia said:


> You were talking in general terms about behaviours. What if he doesn't like her eating cakes? Some requests can be unreasonable. Is it ok to respect your partner's request if the request is unreasonable to you? Who is not respecting whom? He posts his pictures showing his muscles. It's double standards. Typical of a controlling male.


Well, I guess she has a choice to respect his opinion or not doesn't she.

His pictures aren't a double standard, they're a different standard. If she has a problem with them, she is free to tell him she doesn't like it. That's part of her standards, not his.

If you feel your partner's request is unreasonable, you are free to ignore it. As long as you are prepared to face consequences for your decision.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

DownButNotOut said:


> If you feel your partner's request is unreasonable, you are free to ignore it. As long as you are prepared to face consequences for your decision.


I think this is why she is here... but she is not getting the answers she wanted, apart from me...


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Yes she is desperate for attention from her 'followers'. She keeps a tally of her likes. She puts them there for attention. No other reason.
> She may or may not be attractive(remember anyone can use photographic techniques to look a certain way) but she still seeks constant affirmation from others even if means she gets awful comments as well.


We agree to disagree...


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

In Absentia said:


> I think this is why she is here... but she is not getting the answers she wanted, apart from me...


I guess some prefer to say what one needs to hear, not just what one wants to hear.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> When you are married or in a committed relationship being sexy for your mate is a good thing. Putting it out there to attract lots of attention from everyone else is crossing a boundary. On some level it reads like you are attention seeking. I say that to be mean but to make you think. Good for you that you train hard & have a good figure. Why isn't that enough? Why do you need the external validation & the price of your husband being upset by your behavior? Do you not understand that while you view this as harmless, he views it as disrespectful? To him you are shouting to the whole world that he's not good enough & you are fishing for somebody better. I am not saying you are doing that but a part of him feels that you are; it's disrespectful.
> 
> It's not that your husband's opinion on the subject is more valuable then your opinion. It's that you didn't give his POV any weight. He has told you he doesn't like it & it hurts him. Yet you continue to post. You are intentionally hurting him after he asked you to stop. Why would you do that to someone you love? If he told you he didn't like chicken would you continuously serve chicken for dinner every night?
> 
> If you like the photography / artistry aspects of the pictures, make a private album that only you & DH can see. Stop using social media. Problem solved





Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Ok. Problem solved. Good job.
> 
> Any other issues non pictures related relationship problems? (Would benefit from a new thread, but your choice).





*Deidre* said:


> It’s not just about him, though. When you spend a lot of time seeking validation of others (that’s the whole point of garnering likes) you’re missing the present moment. There’s that running joke “that workout/trip/vacation/accomplishment didn’t happen if you’re not posting it on social media.” lol
> 
> I used to spend a lot of time on FB and over time, it just caused me to not really be “present.” I was always thinking of the next thing I’d be posting, and missing the actual moment. So my advice is a little different in that yes, you should care about what your husband thinks and respect him, but it’s also about working on enjoying your own accomplishments without feeling the urge to post about them on social media. Everything in moderation but maybe take a break for a week and see how you feel. You might find that you enjoy the moments more, when you’re not posting them on social media. Just some food for thought.


I post maybe two or three times a week, majority is with family. But yes, I thought about what you said and if I’m excited or feeling accomplished about anything I just gotta call someone. Lol. Husband, mom, sister, girlfriends and I just go down the list until someone isn’t too busy. Sharing special moments and hearing about them is one of best forms of connection to me. Likes don’t even come close. But they’re great too 😅
Still, time in the moment may need to be prioritized better. Thank you.

I’m really glad my first post was so controversial. I’m gunna write the next one in a way that hopefully invites more questions than assumptions.



Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Does H check out other women's hot pictures on similar sites or porn?
> 
> If ok for you to post for others, he has every right to be an other, viewing their racy photos.


absolutely, we share porn we like with each other. He can tell me stories about exes. It doesn’t mess my head up like it does his. But again, this thread made me realize that I put principles above my marriage. I’m 27 and he’s 38 and it never occurred to us that my mom raised me to value principles over everything including any relationship and I didn’t question that. That’s what she learned in life and carried down to me but since I’m married and she’s not, that’s not really helpful! Husband lives pretty similar to his parents so he hasn’t had to re evaluate things he learned from his parents often.
Okay, thanks again. I’ll post another soon!


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Did the Username change?


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Yes she is desperate for attention from her 'followers'. She keeps a tally of her likes. She puts them there for attention. No other reason.
> She may or may not be attractive(remember anyone can use photographic techniques to look a certain way) but she still seeks constant affirmation from others even if means she gets awful comments as well.


Sounds like a Kardashian casualty.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Sounds like a Kardashian casualty.


Sadly this constant self promotion is so common now. The total opposite of past generations.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Sadly this constant self promotion is so common now. The total opposite of past generations.


Yeah. It even goes on on here.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She has principles…… they don’t regard not posting scandalous fb pictures for friends and family to see….. but definitely principles.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Tabbygirl23 said:


> A lot of folks on here seem to agree that if it makes your partner uncomfortable, don’t do it. Heres some examples of why I don’t agree:
> Pushing boundaries is good for personal growth
> Fear can be conquered and overcome
> People actually like a whole slew of things they were once uncomfortable with.
> ...


This is truly a sick and narcissistic mindset.. You get to push your own boundaries, you don’t get to force other people to push theirs.

You may find out sooner or later that when you push someone else’s boundaries far enough (if they have any self-respect) they’ll just leave you.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> To you, not to most people. I would never disrespect Mr D by acting that way. Or myself come to that.


Consider the source.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> You were talking in general terms about behaviours. What if he doesn't like her eating cakes? Some requests can be unreasonable. Is it ok to respect your partner's request if the request is unreasonable to you? Who is not respecting whom? He posts his pictures showing his muscles. It's double standards. Typical of a controlling male.


How pathetic. It’s not unreasonable to expect your wife to behave like a wife and not a single woman. It’s not unreasonable to expect your wife to avoid plastering her social media with sexy, revealing pictures.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

DudeInProgress said:


> How pathetic. It’s not unreasonable to expect your wife to behave like a wife and not a single woman. It’s not unreasonable to expect your wife to avoid plastering her social media with sexy, revealing pictures.


Her husband does the same.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> Her husband does the same.


Not to the extent she does.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Not to the extent she does.


Of course you've seen the pics, so you know this for sure...


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

In Absentia said:


> Her husband does the same.


And if she has a problem with that she should ask him to stop.

But she doesn't have a problem with his pictures.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

DownButNotOut said:


> And if she has a problem with that she should ask him to stop.
> 
> But she doesn't have a problem with his pictures.


Maybe she is not as jealous as he is...


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

In Absentia said:


> Maybe she is not as jealous as he is...


So?

Regardless of the reason, he is uncomfortable with the pictures. She should respect that.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

DownButNotOut said:


> So?
> 
> Regardless of the reason, he is uncomfortable with the pictures. She should respect that.


Regardless of the reason?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> Of course you've seen the pics, so you know this for sure...


Its what she has said herself.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> Maybe she is not as jealous as he is...


Maybe her pics are far more revealing.


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

In Absentia said:


> Regardless of the reason?


Yes. Regardless of the reason. 

Jealousy, Territorialness, Online brand management, standards within a marriage, prior issues with pictures (which she admitted happened)

He has a standard. She should respect it.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

DownButNotOut said:


> Yes. Regardless of the reason.
> 
> Jealousy, Territorialness, Online brand management, standards within a marriage, prior issues with pictures (which she admitted happened)
> 
> He has a standard. She should respect it.


Are you saying she should respect _any_ standard or _any_ reason he has?


----------



## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

In Absentia said:


> Are you saying she should respect _any_ standard or _any_ reason he has?


I'm talking about this standard. Conduct herself like a married woman in public, including public social media posts.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownButNotOut said:


> Yes. Regardless of the reason.
> 
> Jealousy, Territorialness, Online brand management, standards within a marriage, prior issues with pictures (which she admitted happened)
> 
> He has a standard. She should respect it.


Agreed . If a spouse has boundaries then why would we not respect them? It's not up to us to push those boundaries or ignore them, but to respect them. His seem wise and sensible which almost everyone here agrees with.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Agreed . If a spouse has boundaries then why would we not respect them? It's not up to us to push those boundaries or ignore them, but to respect them. His seem wise and sensible which almost everyone here agrees with.


As long as they’re not insane or constantly moving I agree with this.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> Are you saying she should respect _any_ standard or _any_ reason he has?


I think people should make a choice. What is more important? Your spouse and your marriage, or posting sexy pics on social media?


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I just think you need to know the person you marry well enough to already know their boundaries before you marry them. If you don't want your spouse posting for attention online, then don't marry a thirsty person who posts for attention online.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I just think you need to know the person you marry well enough to already know their boundaries before you marry them. If you don't want your spouse posting for attention online, then don't marry a thirsty person who posts for attention online.


I don’t disagree, but I have some experience with this.
My ex wife was a nice looking girl, but not a bikini model type. Wide hips which I liked, nice legs, but kinda barrel chested. Her younger sister had a great figure and was favored by her mom but was wild as hell. My ex seemed the opposite and as a whole, was pretty trustworthy I thought. I knew abd she admitted that she was always jealous of her sister and the attention she got from boys. Since smart phones and social media wasn’t a thing back then, I didn’t have a clue what an attention ***** she was. When she got a smart phone and started posting pictures on social media abd getting attention, she went berserk. Was having online and likely in person affairs with multiple guys at once. 
Sometimes people don’t show their deep character flaws because the right stimulus to bring them out doesn’t happen often.
My point: Sometimes it’s hard to catch. And when a person is young and in love, they aren’t looking for red flags like a person my age.

I will say that both the OP ahusband probably love some attention and ego kibbles, and these type of people are playing with fire.

I think seeking ego kibbles is an addiction and like all addictions, gets worse and worse until it finally blows up.

OP,
You really need to see your behavior for what it is. There’s nothing to gain by seeking all these “likes”. Social media is a trap that lots and lots of people are allowing to destroy their lives.

I urge you to accept your husband’s request to stop it, and also urge you both to get out of the habit of looking for likes and such. It’s just a really bad habit that will eventually cost you both.

I saw on here a report one times they said 80% of divorce filings have the word fb in them now. I don’t know if it’s true, but social media is most definitely not a good thing for marriage.
And might I say, married women that are posting bikini pictures on social media…… anybody that sees it knows what that’s all about. That’s why you get the creeps.

money last thing, you know what the difference is between a creep and a regular guy? The creep is someone that isn’t attractive to the person being creeped out.

Eventually some really exceptionally handsome dude is going to put the feelers out and respond to your scandalous pics and you’re gonna like it. Downhill slope from there.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

You respect reasonable boundaries.


Enigma32 said:


> What is more important? Your spouse and your marriage, or posting sexy pics on social media?


Both... hopefully with a husband who doesn't want to control me. In that case, I would pick another husband more in tune with my view of the world.


----------



## Tabbygirl23 (7 mo ago)

DudeInProgress said:


> This is truly a sick and narcissistic mindset.. You get to push your own boundaries, you don’t get to force other people to push theirs.
> 
> You may find out sooner or later that when you push someone else’s boundaries far enough (if they have any self-respect) they’ll just leave you.


I said pushing boundaries, not my husbands. It was a general statement and my intention was for him to push his own boundaries by contemplating my perspective as I’ve done for him Many times with positive results. Goodness, you just misunderstood.. everything is going to be fine. Koooosfraba. Oh!!! I just figured my next post, thank you dude!


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Enigma32 said:


> I think people should make a choice. What is more important? Your spouse and your marriage, or posting sexy pics on social media?


Yes and it shouldn't be a hard choice.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> You respect reasonable boundaries.
> 
> 
> Both... hopefully with a husband who doesn't want to control me. In that case, I would pick another husband more in tune with my view of the world.


I dont have a husband who controls me, but I wouldn';t disrespect him by doing what the OP does anyway. Its not controlling to care about your marriage and have wise boundaries.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> I dont have a husband who controls me, but I wouldn';t disrespect him by doing what the OP does anyway. Its not controlling to care about your marriage and have wise boundaries.


But what if _you_ think that the boundaries are not reasonable? Like, it really upsets you. You would still respect your husband's whishes, I guess, and be unhappy.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> But what if _you_ think that the boundaries are not reasonable? Like, it really upsets you. You would still respect your husband's whishes, I guess, and be unhappy.


That's when marrying someone who is on your wave length in things like this is so important. He knows I wouldn't do something like this so he wouldn't need to ask me not to. As for other stuff, if he ever did ask me not to do something I wouldn't do it, because being he is the most easy going laid back guy ever, so it would have to be something very important for him to even ask.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> That's when marrying someone who is on your wave length in things like this is so important. He knows I wouldn't do something like this so he wouldn't need to ask me not to.


Clever way not to answer my question...


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> Clever way not to answer my question...


Read my full post. I did answer it. I would always respect his boundaries. Due to his very laid back nature any requests would be rare and important to him.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Read my full post. I did answer it. I would always respect his boundaries. Due to his very laid back nature any requests would be rare and important to him.


Ok, I get it... you would be unhappy to make him happy. But that's fine, if you are happy to be unhappy. It's the principle I don't agree with.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> Ok, I get it... you would be unhappy to make him happy. But that's fine, if you are happy to be unhappy. It's the principle I don't agree with.


I wouldn't be unhappy. I am not that shallow.


----------



## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> I saw on here a report one times they said 80% of divorce filings have the word fb in them now. I don’t know if it’s true, but social media is most definitely not a good thing for marriage.


Wow. That's just sad. I hate that people want attention badly enough to risk, and in many cases destroy, their marriage. It's not always just sexy pictures either. Flirting on FB can become flirting with disaster. 

I hope the OP chooses to protect her marriage. I guess taking down the "truly scandalous" photos is a start. 

Also, OP, do you have kids or are you thinking of having kids? May not want them or their friends looking at scandalous pics of you. Things have a way of never really disappearing completely once posted online.


----------



## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

theloveofmylife said:


> Wow. That's just sad. I hate that people want attention badly enough to risk, and in many cases destroy, their marriage. It's not always just sexy pictures either. Flirting on FB can become flirting with disaster.
> 
> I hope the OP chooses to protect her marriage. I guess taking down the "truly scandalous" photos is a start.
> 
> Also, OP, do you have kids or are you thinking of having kids? May not want them or their friends looking at scandalous pics of you. Things have a way of never really disappearing completely once posted online.


I've read about it also. My own divorce years ago was one of those. They usually go down the same way. Spouse adding opposite sex friends/coworkers to their Facebook. They start by commenting/liking on pics and posts. Then it goes to messages, then an affair. There was also a study about how a lot of people are keeping a backup partner on their social media. Basically, if you wanna know if your partner is cheating and who with, check their social media. You will almost always find the culprit there.

The thing is, so many potential problems go away if someone conducts themselves online like they actually give a crap about their relationship. Too many people too addicted to all the attention now.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Enigma32 said:


> I've read about it also. My own divorce years ago was one of those. They usually all go down the same way. Spouse adding opposite sex friends/coworkers to their Facebook. They start by commenting/liking on pics and posts. Then it goes to messages, then an affair. There was also a study about how a lot of people are keeping a backup partner on their social media. Basically, if you wanna know if your partner is cheating and who with, check their social media. You will almost always find the culprit there.
> 
> The thing is, so many potential problems go away if someone conducts themselves online like they actually give a crap about their relationship. Too many people too addicted to all the attention now.


Anyone who seeks opposite sex attention is vulnerable to an affair at some point.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> Her husband does the same.


Sounds to me like there is a difference in the types of photos being posted. She stated he is not getting the same types of reactions.

She spoke of posting sexy photos, don't think he is posting sexy photos. Probably more about the muscle and not so much like tits and ass included.

She should post together with him in photos online. Or cut out posts emphasizing ex. how nice her ass looks after working her glutes.

Now if he was posting body shots in speedos that also emphasize his junk, that should be a no go. Like women who post their tits all hanging out in swimsuit photos. Just blocked a female friend today for that.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> But what if _you_ think that the boundaries are not reasonable? Like, it really upsets you. You would still respect your husband's whishes, I guess, and be unhappy.


I think it depends on if the other spouse follows those same boundary.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

theloveofmylife said:


> Wow. That's just sad. I hate that people want attention badly enough to risk, and in many cases destroy, their marriage. It's not always just sexy pictures either. Flirting on FB can become flirting with disaster.
> 
> I hope the OP chooses to protect her marriage. I guess taking down the "truly scandalous" photos is a start.
> 
> Also, OP, do you have kids or are you thinking of having kids? May not want them or their friends looking at scandalous pics of you. Things have a way of never really disappearing completely once posted online.


Social media adds a wrinkle that most people are simply not equipped to deal with. To one degree or another, there is a mental disconnect between online behaviour and physical world behaviour. Even people who are fully aware often struggle to fully connect the two. That disconnect often leads people to either consciously or subconsciously live at least some level of two separate lives. The problem is, reality does not reflect the disconnect people create. The online world is the real world whether a person acknowledges it of not.

The thing with online posting is that while a person can have certain intentions, a certain target audience, a certain expectation, the very act of posting online, whether it be a mundane written statement, or a picture showing off ones figure, by putting that online, you are giving up any sort of control over the narrative surrounding the post. One has literally zero control, and people do know that.

By posting a picture online that is admittedly attractive, that is posted to demonstrate the attractiveness, to show off the attractiveness, to show off looking good, there is an implicit knowledge and understanding that regardless of stated intent, the person posting absolutely knows that in addition to their own motivations, they are posting spank bank material for anyone who wants to see it that way.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

.

A woman’s social media page that is happy in her marriage and isn’t seeking make attention is totally obvious. There are very few pictures of her. They’re all if her kids or grandkids. Or her husband and kids and her in them. Rarely if ever would there be a swimsuit picture in then.

when a woman is posting pictures of her body on social media, let’s face it, she’s looking for something. And that something has zero to do with her husband. Same for the husband.

Want to know if a woman is looking? Simple. Her fb page is covered in pictures of herself.


----------

