# Wife cheated please read



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Ok. 10 second story. 

I've been a Jerk. WIfe adn I been together 11 years. We've had LOTS of loving times and memories. Started a haunted house businss. Volunteers came over. She spent all her time mainly with 2 teenagers. (i'm 37) she cheated on me with one of them. Commences to tell me 11 years mostly have been bad. 

Ok, I'm a jerk. I'm changing, doing the 180 and all that, failing the last fwe days. However, my wife decided to break and tell me everything and then tells me she wants to be loved, and to be loved by me. We had sex the other day. Twice in a row and I went down on her which I normally don't do and got her off again. (sorry to be so blunt, drinking and not thinking so clearly). 

NOW she says she doesn't feel the way she should when having sex. However, I got rough with her, was sensual, tried different positions, mixed it up a bit, then went down on her for her second orgasm, but it was "different" she said. But, she says she wants time. AFTER this, just yesterday she said *(she's on her period) "maybe in a day or so we can try those condoms you bought, I should be light enough" 

Now? She says she can't do it. I NEED her, I'm failing at the 180. I don't drink. Had a 1/5th of hot damn (not a drinker) and I'm drunk. I can't see straight, I miss her badly... would someone please help me? Talk to me, help me with something. Come to find out my anger wasn't near as bad as she led on. I'm still working on it though, (have terrible road rage) almost had 2 accidents in the last few days and I blessed them, instead of cussed them and didn't realize I'd even did it, she noticed and comented on it. I'm lonely, I misss my wife and I'm hurting so badly. Hence the drinking. I'm here to feel comfort because I DO NOT want to cheat on my wife.... but I need her. I know I'm breaking the "code" or w/e by drinking and all but I'm so hurt right now. She's blaming my jerk as being the cause of everything, including her infidelity but I'm thinking HTF can that be worse than cheating? Reading you guys' posts, NOTHING justifies cheating... I wished I could just leave, but I love her too much I guess. 

Dewayne.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She has your number and knows you aren't going any were.

So stop drinking work on your self and let her go. 

Until you show her the consequences for her actions she will continue.

Again, you ain't going anywere so she has nothing to loose.

Once you can let her go and stop sharing your wife then she might start to think twice in what she is about to loose.

Once you solber up and work on raising your attraction leave up then maybe she will start to second guess here choices.


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## heaven1 (Sep 27, 2012)

Oh dear. You seem sad and lonely. I don't think I can answer all of these questions but I think you should sleep it off. Nothing justifies any type of betrayal but it still happens. 
No one deserves to be treated badly in any capacity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I'm sorry. I know it's ridiculous but anyways. I'm feeling terrible and unlikd my wife, I HAVE NO on e else. My friends, the 2 best friends I have, are alllllwaaayyysss BUSY. He11 nick works like 16 hour days (farmer hand). Literally. He's lik up before 4or w/e and doesn't leave till 10 or some crap. PJ (jeremY) works 30 hours at pc shop (my old job) and goes to full time classes. THAT"S IT!!!. I have no one else. So please, don't pass me off as some jerk trying to get attention. I really ... nvm. I shouldn't post this but I HATE deleting posts. SO I have to hit the "post" button. Sorry.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Dewayne,
Your wife is not right upstairs. She is in her mid 30's and slept with a teenager. No rational person behaves that way. She has some sort of mental illness that you (or possibly her) don't know about. The decision to divorce is yours alone. She needs to understand her behavior is not okay and won't be tolerated. She is to have NO contact with these kids again and must show you she wants to be with you. If she fails at this, then she is not worth your time. The best thing you can do is talk to her and start working out the terms of your divorce, unless you WANT to live in a one sided open marriage. Oh yeah, and don't cheat back. You have the high ground right now. Don't lose that for some sex that won't matter in ten years from now. Best of luck, your situation sucks. I have been there where you are.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I would contact the teenagers parent and expose the affair!


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

wow, I didbn't refresha dn I posted and got 2 responses. 

Heaven1, I know. I AM lonely. I'm sorry. I ... can't explain it. I've been a jerk to the woman I lvoe dearly for so long. Like, we'd be at my parents for the weekend or holidays and I'd be a jerk to her, talk rudely to her, call her retarded... I'm such an freakin idiot. Like my bro says tho, I DESERVED her to leave, I dSERVED her to kick me arse, but sinstead, she cheated. good gawd. I'm an idiot. 

hOW DO YOu leave tho? How can you leave when it hurts so bad to be away from soneone you love dearly? Xhe just left and she was so nice to me, even being drunk, she's so nice to me. NOW... earlyer today? hen I was hurtin badly? She barely held my hand but she said it wass because seh didn't know how to react. Dam I just noticed all the red underlines, I'm not trying to correct, please bare with me. 

Theguy, Man I KNOW it.. i know she has my number, but wtf do I do? HAHA, i just noticed, I may be drunk but you said Here instead of Her!

Pardon me man, I'm trying to laugh.  

I know.. no seriously I KNOW I need to do that, but dad gum it, it's so freaking hard. I'm SCARESd to be alone, sure, but dammit, we have a daugheter (forgot to add that, sorry) and she's almost 3... 

Taking a few seconds, to try and think soberly... she says she'll never be with another man (i know i know, b/s right?) but she can't stand the thought of trusting another man with our daughter. Sure, i can understand that feeling, but she said if we fail, she'll be alone/ So I asked, WTF is it with Micahel then? Seriously? But sHE brought up the no contact rule, SHE's the one ignoring him in texting etc. When they were here to act last night, she didn't say 2 words to him hardly. She stayed away from him and he stayed away from me. I think I scared them. I wetn to their house and confronted them. Told them I SHOULD bury them both (friends) but I was trying to be nice and a changed man. They were scared out their wits, but taht was my intention. Instead of hurting some teenager that doesn't know how serious it is to mess with a man's WIFE.... I tried to teach a lessson. It old tthem how I literally saw a hole get put through a man because of an affair. Sh.t don't go nicely. I think they got the point. So yeah, no contact etc... she's upset... really upset about the whole thing, but it wasn't just once, it was twice. Second time was because she went and partied with them and she did it. 


Man, if I could be ok in the morning to leave, I think I'll pack my sh.t up and go to my mom's. But then, she's 30 min's away from the haunt  I HAVE to finish the season out. 

I'm sorry for such long post. i'm just trying to vent a little. I'ma try to go sleep some of this poison off. I'm usually funny as he11 when I'm drunk, but beign depressed about this crap really changes the gamefield huh. 

Thanks for reading and helping guys, it's so much appreciated. It doesn't quite kill the pain, but makes you think more... ya know? (drinking that is)


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I have... NWEVER cheated on sanyone. EVER. I'm such a proud person to say that... but you know... man I've thought about it. I;'d almost like to just do it,... just to find out how it feels. I can't imagine that it feels good. 

She's talking about working things out, but after having sex (she even admitted it was GREAT) BUT she says she wasn't "feeling" what she thinks she should've. I told her "you CHEATED!!! Of course it's not gonna feel the same... dork" lol. So anyways, she's talking like she wants me, and wants to work things out but is having a hard time comforting me. The thoughts.... sometimes man I can't handle it. :LSDKgjpoSDIGOPIHSDPGJSDGJISDJ. ... 

hyou know... sometimes you just wanna be held. . . I haven't actually cried in a very long time. i ahven't really NEEDED a sh oulder to cry on, but I think I could really use one right now. ... and the worse thing is..> i have no one. . . .


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I can't believe you still have them working for you.

Think about it, they have no respect for you by doing it with your wife, what makes you think they have enough respect to care about any liability for your business.

Fire them both and replace them, the season is still young.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dewayne76 said:


> Man, if I could be ok in the morning to leave, I think I'll pack my sh.t up and go to my mom's. But then, she's 30 min's away from the haunt  I HAVE to finish the season out.
> 
> )


Do not leave the home, ask her to leave!

And expose this to the kids parents!


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

That's so true. Here's a ckicker for you The Guy... my wife's newfound best friend is Scarlett.... she's dating the toxic enabler of Michael... "Ryan" SoOOO! If I fire them both, it pisses off mh wife and scarlett too. 

BTW,... Ryan and Scarlett left last night... make up was done at 6:00... they were MIA from 5:50 to 7:30 and they were pissed because I recast Scarlett's roll as my victim (I'm Dr. Trauma... cuts up a young girl on a table which sprays water on the guests... very cool...) 

Why does she think she's got a right to be pissed anyways? Seriously. YOU"RE LATE FOR WORK!!! volunteers, sure but they're still getting cash bonuses and entereing to win EXPENSIVE gifts.... Kinda a job anyways... Anyways. You're right Guy, I NEED to cut them all and let it go... but the hautn strives for actors. Suppose to be 5 actors in the zombie living room, aand I only had 3. So yeah, we're short as it is... unfortunately the haunt is the greater good in this situation... Ib elieve. Divorce or Reconcile, I think the haunt takes priority in either one. This sucks btw....


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Obtw... their parents? Ryan's dad is ???? Mom is deaf and such... Michael's mom is "out" ... daddy? Again.. ???? . 

So yeah, no good there


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

btw... thank you so much for talking with me. It's really helping me at the moment, so... much appreciated.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

I looked at your other thread. You found out your wife had left your home in the middle of the night to go to your employee's house for gangbang with five guys, which you interrupted at 3AM or something like that and found your wife hiding in a closet in the gangband house, correct?

Also, your wife has been committing adultery against you since you married and has suffered no consequences. That makes you a wittol.

You have few friends, your mother keeps you away from her, and no church, but you have non-traditional religious beliefs. What non-traditional beliefs? Do you worship Odin? Does your wife worship Freyja (that would explain a lot). If so, no problem. You're not constricted by the Puritan Marriage Ideal that the rest of the English speaking world subscribes to. If your wife is moved out, move some girls in. That's what Thor would do. Why would you try to maintain a Christian basis for marriage when you don't subscribe to the underlying belief system. Your wire has clearly been in an open marriage since the beginning. She has little respect for you and regards your SMV as Ø.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Sorry man you are in so deep pain. It's palpable even with the booze interfering.

When did she confess? When did the cheating happen?
When did she offered the NC thing and such (seems she's being searching the web to get help on "how to fix it").

Somethimes, in the imediate aftermath of this nightmare both wayward nad betrayed are lost. Not feeling, confused. It seems she's trying. Let her. Naturaly she will shift the blame for a while. If you actually acted as a jerk for a while well.. it's your to own. She owns the cheating fully too.

Sober up, get some sleep. Come back. We can support you and help you.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Just read palerider's post. 
WTF!, gang bangs¿


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

At first sir, you were a dooshbag.... lol. But then I finished your post. Yeah... welll my belief is called something but that's not merit to the conversation. The thing is, I still beleive in giivng my word in marriage. As does my wife, or so I thought. 

It wasn't a gangbang. She screwed Michael, one guy and she got high for the first time. No excuse but WTF>.. RIGHT? 

My beliefs are strong with marrige still, just like all the normal Christian folks. We believe in our word and we believe in marraige. My wife too, but she's goofy and screwed up. More than me for being a jerk. Sure. 

I know what i have to do, I'm here at this moment in time for comfort. Hping I can find someone to talk to me, I don't give 2 chits whether it's drag racing, haunted houses or my crumbling marriage. 

When have you hit bottom sir? Seriously, have you even been there? Assuming so as to how you're here, but I'm a lonely, VERY hurt man that's been drinking. So seriously, I'm just here to get comfort at this time. I know what I need to do, I'm telling you it's DAM HARD to do... when you love teh stupid woman..  

Thanks for your time and post Machiavelli, sorry if I mispelled that. I worship god btw... just not traditional god. Too long of discussion, not here, not now... sorry :/ 

I have NO DISRESPECT for other beliefs... that's what makes us human man. Freewill to do as such as you please. Right?


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Just saw the posts Acabado, sorry. yeah, I know man. 

Cheating first time hasn't been confirmed... 2 weeks ago? Then last sunday (week I guess, today's sunday I think) She went and did that b/s with the party. WTF? dam I'm stupid. 

But anyways, yeah... she's confessed, but there's no excuse for it. 
I'm trying to go to sleep but everytime I lay down, I get depressed... badly. There's an AR15 in the house and a few .44's and I DO NOT want to get more depressed. My daughter doesn't deserve this. . . and frankly, even being an azz, I don't think I do either. It's b/s. It really is. 

You're right... the worse physical pain I've had was being shot, and then a toothache. I'd rather take EITHER FREAKIN ONE over this b/s p;ainn I have now. Send me over seas to get beheaded, it'll last a whole lot less time. . . I'ms orry, that was uncalled for. 

yes. Lots of pain. 

drinking doesn't help always, but it helps the heartache. ... Sometimes.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Call the kids parents and tell them what your wife have chosen to do.

They will take care of the punk and your wife. hopefully you will put her stuff out in the street where it blongs and lock the door with an new lock.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Machiavelli, you have such a way with words! All I can keep thinking now is....What would Thor do? 

Dewayne, calm down my friend. Stop the drinking. I tried it, didn't do much for the pain and it really can let the emotions go in bad directions.

I don't care what kind of jerk you are, were or are going to be...no one deserves to be the victim of infidelity.

Holding back info and making us go looking around to fill in the blanks doesn't help anyone. You have put up with cheating for too long? Do you think you are the only one? Do you think you cannot salvage some self-respect and a happy life (with or without your wife)? You are wrong.

Put the drink down. Go to bed. In the morning when you are feeling sober, come back and post it all out, the bitter truth of it all.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I just slapped myself. Hard. I have 5 little digits BRUISED on my face. didn't feel a thing. I'm drunk. 

I know... I'm sorry, but I cant /c ouldn't go to sleep. Tried. 

Yeah, I know. It's too much, but mayb ethe fear of being alone, with a 3 yr old daughter in the mix is what's scaring me? I dunno. 

I hate myself, I REALLY Do, for 1. being a jerk to my loving wife (believe it or not, she was really great for a long time, the other stuff really happened when she was younger) but no excuse, still I know. But, I hate myself 2. for allowing this to continue. 

I'ma try to go to bed. I feel HORRIBLE, but Ima try to. Put some music on in the theater. I'ma go back tos leeping in the theater. I wrote on the door "D's Dawg Hawse" But really, it's just "MY ROOM" now. I have a PS3, 10' screen and projector (we'r enot rich, I just enjoy gaming and movies) and that SHOULD be all I need. 

I'll try to sleep Falene. I really will. Thank you guys so much for helping me tonight. It's 6:30, should be a squad tournament going on in Battlefield 3 somewhere. Think it's armored weekend, so I'll be driving a tank... think I'll get a DWI for driving a tank in BF3 while drunk? haha. ... Seriously tho, thanks. 

Dewayne.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Quit the booze. It doesn't help. I know from personal experience.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Dude - please stop beating up on you -she is the broken one who chose to cheat - nothing justifies that - nothing ever!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So if your wife was a jerk to you would youd cheat on her?

My point is your wife handled an unhealthy relationship wrong, she made the choice to cheat...it wasn't a mistake it wasn't something she fell into by getting high.

See the difference here on how one spouse handles an unhealthy marriage and how the other spouse handles an unhealthy marriage.

In short your wife had a choice to stay in an unhealthy marriage or not, she could have left your @ss. But instead she made the choice to decieve you and sleep around.

HER CHEATING WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!

Get it?

She had a choice damb it and choose the easy way by lieing and cheating instead of being honest and leaving your jerk @ss.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I know. I passed out in the back room. She woke me up and we eventually ended up talked. I remember most of it. 

She said I deserve better and she ran into an old friend at walmart that when they hugged he grabbed her ass.... she said she "Thought about it" She said she pulled away and thought about us, but she still thought about it. 

I need to leave. But my heart still wants her. WTF do I do? She said she wants us to work things out but was afraid of me not getting better and the fact she may do it again. She's TELLING me she's worried about doing it again, wtf else do I need? Jesus. How do I get out of this? 

She said in the end she wants us to work things out, said there was no excuse for what she did, but still, she did it. twice. She even said "Do I need to leave 'us' for you? Can you not do it?" I said "no, I can't, but I also want us to work" 

...... I stopped drinking. I don't want to drink anymore and It's been forever since I got drunk. She told me "you wreak of alcohol" I sai d"and that didn't stop you at the party...." 

I know, probly shouldn't have said that but she replied "Yeah but that was a bunch of them" She said I was an ass when I drank. When she was wwaking me up and getting me to my room, she was laughing her ass off.... until I remembered why I was drunk and got sad. Then she cried with me. She doesn't want to do this to me again she said. 

I need out, I know this but it's so hard telling my heart this.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Why is this about you ? She had sex with teens. Please expose to the parents and stop letting her blame you for the heinous things she's doing.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Look now you are goi g to get a deliberate virtual Face slapping from me..STOP THE F..K drinking..

So you can actually start taking this crap in.
Here is what you posted in your first thread


No one's replying / helping but I'll conclude anyways.* Wife pretty much made excuses because she felt left out as a young person and wanted to party. That pretty much sums it up. 

She had an affair. Slept with OM twice. *
Ok. So what was her excuse the first time??


*Bawled on me and said she'd like to work it out.*
Again?? 


* Again, grass musta not been as green on the other side. 
*

It never is
I'm not a horrible person that beats on my walls every day. However, *I didn't put my wife as #1 and didn't always treat her with respect. * And of course your wife is moder Theresa? If it was so bad she could have left..

*I'm changed. Having the world (all family and friends) telling me I'm an a$$hat was enough. I just need to decide whether I want to deal with this anymore. 
*

Good Then change what need´s to be changed.


I feel better. I knew, but had to hear it from her.* She admitted to getting high and having the affair. It was her first time doing dope. * It might have been her first time doing dope. But it would have happened ,either way..Dope or no dope.

At this point I just about look at all women as trash and sick and tired of their lies. I'm disgusted with people and more and more with women as a focus of my disgust. E*ven sweet girls will turn on you like a illraised pit bull. 
* Yes thats true with men to..But in your case SORRY dude
You allowed it..
I'm still working on myself but will be more importantly deciding where to travel from here. 

Thanks. 
Dewayne





Now to the present Virtual smacking coming again..




Dewayne76 said:


> I know. I passed out in the back room. She woke me up and we eventually ended up talked. I remember most of it.
> 
> *She said I deserve better and she ran into an old friend at walmart that when they hugged he grabbed her ass.... she said she "Thought about it" Think about that one,long and hard.What does that tell you?No dope,this time.
> 
> ...



And trust me they did it more then twice..

And im afraid i will have to go with this "gang bang theory"
I mean a kid calles up,and says hey its a party here.
And guess what your the only girl..No not really..

She is mocking you man. Cracking jokes.At the hospital
Seriously walk away..Have you ever wonder why you have anger problem?
or have you been like that your whole life?

Listen to Machiavelli´s post carfully


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## Dubya (Oct 2, 2012)

She's gauging your reactions, from what I can tell. Trying to find out what she can get away with. Set your boundaries. Don't go over board with it. 

Ie cool down with her and tell her that this isn't how things are going to be. And she needs to get out for a while and clear her head. (yes, you read that right... Right now, she sees you as the unclear one... That needs to change)

Talk less than her and get the hell out of the house and do something. Let her know you are above her trifling bs. Leave the booze alone. Right now she is pulling the strings. She is gaining confidence in how she is treating you every time you fail these **** tests.

Restore balance, and you will start thinking more clearly. Then you can think about what you really want and stop freaking out over what you are afraid to lose.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

the guy said:


> I would contact the teenagers parent and expose the affair!


If they're over 18 what difference would that make? (I'm assuming they're over 18). If so, they're not kids, they're young adults.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Tony55 said:


> If they're over 18 what difference would that make? (I'm assuming they're over 18). If so, they're not kids, they're young adults.


Even a young adult and be affected by their parents. this is a married woman having sex with teens - I'm sure the parents would help cut that off asap.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Even a young adult and be affected by their parents. this is a married woman having sex with teens - I'm sure the parents would help cut that off asap.


:iagree: But in this case it would help.But what then?
Remember Walmart incident? The have so much issues
between them self´s. I´m not so sure on what do here.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Why would you try to maintain a Christian basis for marriage when you don't subscribe to the underlying belief system.


The concept of marriage has been around much longer than Chrisianity. Devotion to one another doesn't require a mythological belief system.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Well, she came home. I sobered up a bit (afterwards) 

She told me she ran into an old "buddy" of hers that she had always "wanted" back then. He grabbed her ass and called her "sweet thing"

She said "I considered it, then I thought "WTF am I thinking" But she said she said that purely out of respect for me. 

So, I'm just working on keeping my 180 going. I won't drink anymore. I'll give the rest away. I'm going to do my best to get rid of her. Only thing is, My precious little girl is about to be 3 in a few weeks and I'd WANTED to do somethings special for her and my wife. Anniversary is on the 18th of this month btw... LUCKY ME!.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So was she respecting you when she hooked up with the teens? Common dude - you know she's playing you.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

Ok, the drinking binge is over. Focus on your future now; it doesn't appear to include your wife, get used to that idea. You have a daughter, make sure she is safe. You have no evidence to gather, you know she did what she did...


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

yeah, I'm trying to think about my future. I HATE the thought of not living a full family with my daughter, but my wife is messed up in the head, I think she has BPD Borderline personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

but I dunno. It hurts. I'm gonna go crash in my theater again. Good night TAM. Thanks for spending time with me. 

Dewayne


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Dewayne76 said:


> yeah, I'm trying to think about my future. I HATE the thought of not living a full family with my daughter, but my wife is messed up in the head, I think she has BPD Borderline personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> 
> but I dunno. It hurts. I'm gonna go crash in my theater again. Good night TAM. Thanks for spending time with me.
> 
> Dewayne


If that was the case trust me.You would have known that long time ago..But then again it could be the reason for your anger management problem´s


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Tony55 said:


> The concept of marriage has been around much longer than Chrisianity. Devotion to one another doesn't require a mythological belief system.


The ideal of marriage as a sexually exclusive equal partnership, the version of marriage promoted as the standard in the English speaking world for the last 100+ years, is strictly a product of the English Puritans and further developed by the mid-19th century womens movement growing out of The Second Great Awakening. Prior to the that, despite what you may have heard, males were never required to limit themselves sexually to only their legal wife. Even in the unusual monogamous marriage cultures like Greece and Rome, the monogamy was legal only, not sexual. The vast majority, and I mean super-majority of cultures in world history were/are polygynous.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Dude, stop drinking. That is obviously not helping you. 

Second, how old are these teenagers she had sex with?
Because if I were you, I would rat her out, and get her on a sex-offenders list and maybe hauled off to jail/prison. 

Might hurt your chances or reconciliation if you want that, but I am sick and tired of seeing males that have sex with underage girls left out to hang high and dry, while women that have sex with underage boys getting 5 years probation. 

Secondly, I would start trying to protect your assets, and begin filing. Because I bet she'll take you for everything she can.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

He was 19. his friend is actually 20. Nothing can be done. Telling the mothers are useles. She only had sex with 1 of them. The party she went to had plenty of females and such. 

The thing is, she's killed contact, even TRIED for a week to make a "go" of it as my dad said. And now, the thing is, last night she went to walmart while I was drinking, went with her friend Scarlett and she said there was an old friend who came up and said "Hey sweet thing" and grabbed her ass as he hugged her. She said she "thought about it" and then started telling herself "this is bull****, wtf am I doing?"

She said this morning she's sorry for being a horrible person and didn't mean for any of this to happen and was sorry for all the pain she's put me through. She held my hand as we went to drop off the kiddo at daycare, then we went to wm and got some donuts adn took her to work. (that's where she said most of the stuff) she gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. 

I told her last night, if she wanted out, then fkin just say so and lets get the ball rolling. Somehow in the mix, her reply ... I think I said something like it's over... or something and she said "well, my bags are packed yet... I just want you to sleep in the other room... at least just for tonight and we'll talk tomorrow"

I slept in my room. Couldn't sleep much so at about 3:30 I took off. I stayed gone till about 7am this morning. I was all like "Yeah, f#% this, I'm out" ... go inside, she asked where I went and I told her "running around, did it make you mad?" she said no. She said last night it didn't bother her to think about me being with someone else. So I figure that's what that was about. 

Anyways, when I got back in here, I watched her get Jordan drssed (our daughter) ... it's so hard to think about having a broken family. I want all of us to be happy, for the holidays, together... ya know? 

Anyways, I'm trying. Just failing I suppose. I quit drinking. I haven't drank in forever and what's left will either be given away or sit somewehre until thrown away.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> The ideal of marriage as a sexually exclusive equal partnership, the version of marriage promoted as the standard in the English speaking world for the last 100+ years, is strictly a product of the English Puritans and further developed by the mid-19th century womens movement growing out of The Second Great Awakening. Prior to the that, despite what you may have heard, males were never required to limit themselves sexually to only their legal wife. Even in the unusual monogamous marriage cultures like Greece and Rome, the monogamy was legal only, not sexual. The vast majority, and I mean super-majority of cultures in world history were/are polygynous.


Marriage was hijacked by Christian mythology in the middle ages, prior to that, and since then, people celebrated the concept of marrying one another without the need for a church. Whether or not someone's customs lends itself to monogamy is beside the point, you don't need Christianity to feel the pain of infidelity or to expect your spouse to be faithful.

Once again, I believe injecting religion into someone’s immediate pain of infidelity is no better than prescribing voodoo spells to rid yourself of the evil doing. Implying that someone should or should not expect faithful behavior from their spouse based on what God they follow is irresponsible.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

Dewayne, stop discussing this with her. Prepare to be single. She has too much power right now and anything you do that appears weak at this point will be used to empower her. Your best shot at putting this marriage back on track is by removing yourself from it, as soon as possible. Suck it up, get hard, tough, become bulletproof, don't feed her ego anymore, start this today.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

I think it would be good idea to get her out of the haunted house business. I don't quite understand your working and living arrangements. IMO I think that if she slept with a underage teen that could be really bad if they kids parents decide to sue. Since she was an employee your business could be open to prosecution as well as your wife. I think in this one instance that is would be best if you did not expose. I think that your wife has probably been running around for awhile and that she just got caught. It seems to me that your wife is the ONS type of woman rather than the long term EA/PA type of cheater. I would get yourself tested for STD's now. I would terminate her as an employee, or remove her from the business and have her cut off from it entirely. She needs to go to IC and she needs to start talking about the other times she has been with OM. I am willing to bet this isn't her first rodeo.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Greetings mate, 

I am here to wake you up. Slap yourself one more time on the other cheek for me. 

Repeat after me:

I will stop drinking
I will stop being weak
I will stop being clingy
I will stop being dependent
I will stop being afraid
I will stop being foolish
I will stop disrespecting myself
I will stop tolerating my present self

Now say
I will respect myself first
I will respect even those who do not respect me or deserve to be respected
I will become healthier, stronger
I will become a real man willing to carry his own cross alone
I will move beyond my WS far ahead in the distance
I will become so admirable that my children will think this easy to cope with

I deserve better, there is better, I must know better, wait for better and be better for when it comes I can recognize better.

NOW is the time TO MERIT! Not when it is nice and easy but when its difficult, impossible and horrible. No man has control of other's will, only he can control his own actions upon his own self.
Stop discussing with your wife, you're moved on already. Please do not tolerate this any longer. 
You will be better, I assure you of that, train yourself.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

What is IC? 

Tony55, I'm trying bro. I'm trying. 

STD's, I'm going to try and get an appnt today. 

I've been able to keep a close eye on her until we started getting volunteers. After that, yeah, it was hard. Also why it was easier for something to happen. 

The OM is just one. I say boys because they're best friends that act like brothers. The other was just a toxic enabler I think you guys say. 

I'm seriously thinking about cutting her and the boys as well. She runs the window / ticket sales but if I cut her, I gotta find someone else I can trust with money PLUS she'll be more likely to cut out and take off if I drop her.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Dude. Anyone the messes with the boss's wife instantly is fired. Why would you be keeping this loser around ? That's just punishing yourself. Dump the kid and his buddy today.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Dude. Anyone the messes with the boss's wife instantly is fired. Why would you be keeping this loser around ? That's just punishing yourself. Dump the kid and his buddy today.


Do it today.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

I think the most dangerous thing in this thread is that *"She's TELLING me she's worried about doing it again"

*I think she is just testing your limits - your boundaries by saying ""Do I need to leave 'us' for you? Can you not do it?".

She seems to have cheated on you more times than you can count.Its up to you now.Don't be her child. Be her husband.You have repeated "She is a nice woman" several times. 
You don't need a NICE woman for survival.You need a wife in good and bad times.She is not remorseful either. She was laughing while you were drunk? Great.

Sooner you leave her, the better.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Will do. 

Thanks. 
It keeps getting better...but good gawd it still hurts. It's more of a duller pain now, if I could just "let go" I'd be fine, but I guess that's the whole thing there huh, letting go. 

Dewayne.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Dude. Anyone the messes with the boss's wife instantly is fired. Why would you be keeping this loser around ? That's just punishing yourself. Dump the kid and his buddy today.


He is still working there?!!!!??

You are joking, right?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> Will do.
> 
> Thanks.
> It keeps getting better...but good gawd it still hurts. It's more of a duller pain now, if I could just "let go" I'd be fine, but I guess that's the whole thing there huh, letting go.
> ...


You feel better because you are starting to take YOUR life back and not reacting but being proactive keep it up.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

, ... no, not kidding. I was trying to be "nice" 

But I'm not gettin run over anymore. It's done. Way I see it, if my marriage is destroyed anyways, wtf's it matter if I beat the he11 out of him while I fire him. But, trying to change to be a better person / man, makes me think that's not right. So I am torn, but I know that they're gone. I'm cutting them tonight.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

Get used to feeling sick, stomach ache, can't eat, lose weight, deep sadness and then feeling real good, then back to deep sadness. You'll feel lonely in situations where you normally wouldn't have felt lonely. You'll feel desperate, then hopeless, then confident, and this will go on in a circle for a long time. You'll need to remind yourself that all these feelings are worse than the reality and that you're just hyper-sensitive right now.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I know. That vicious cycle has already been around once or twice. 

Thanks Tony.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Dewayne, sorry for your pain man. I noted your concern that your wife has BPD. If that is the case, you are in for a lot of pain. My daughter has that diagnosis, made by a professional psychologist. A couple of family members also seem to fit the criteria, but have not been diagnosed. These people have no boundaries. It's like their radio is tuned a little bit off the station, and they don't process information in the normal fashion. Were I in your position, I'd seriously consider having her tested by a competent psychologist. If that is, indeed, her diagnosis, I'd leave her and sue for full custody of your daughter. People w/ BPD inevitably sow destruction in their wakes. If you stay close to her, consider that you and your daughter may become collateral damage.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Dewayne! Welcome back! You are so much better off sober my friend!

Okay, forgive me for being too rough but you said a few things that have me very worried for you and your little one.

(Yes, I am yelling!)

1. DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE!

2. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR DAUGHTER WITH YOUR WIFE (it is very hard to be a good parent when all you have on your mind is trying to sow your oats).

Don't you dare leave that little bean with her! Encourage your wife to take off. Let her go do whatever it is she wants to do. I know your daughter is just three but she cannot protect herself and if your wife is sleeping around you never know who will be allowed into your home or who will have access to your daughter. I know I don't need to explain further but please take this very seriously.

You should take your daughter and go party down for her birthday! There are so many things you two can do! Have some fun! Leave your wife at home. Trust me, you will have a much better time.

One more thing, I call bullsh!t on the story she told you about the guy grabbing her arse at Walmart. I think she is trying to give you a stroke or gets off on you being jealous. Either way, too damn bad the ass grabber couldn't take her off your hands.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Going to a teenage party and screwing one of them.
Telling you she thinks she might cheat again.
Telling you she "thought about it" (screwing that guy) after the azz grabbing incident.

She seems to enjoy your misery. She is on a power trip. She has no remorse for what she is doing to you and your family.

She is testing YOUR boundaries and trying to decide what she can get away with and still keep you in line. She is also winning the battles since you have basically done nothing but cry and drink since you found out about the teenager.

It is time to let her go. It is time for you to take control of your life.

Get through the season and then file the papers. Take care of yourself and your daughter.

As much as you would like to beat the crap out of someone - don't do it. That will be much more trouble than it is worth in the long run. It will paint you as a violent person and that will not be good if the divorce gets heated.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Yeah. I know man. I have to keep a straight head. Plus I'm not that way anymore. I've been working on trying to get a hold of phone carrier to get process started for getting transcripts of the text msging of last 60 days. May have to have court order. 

Then I'm trying to get my other ducks in a row in order to try and take over this whole thing. Lease is in her name so that'll be a pain. But yeah, I'm trying guys. I really am. I don't know how I'll be when I see her again but we'll see. 

Dewayne


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Well, I broke the news to her a few min's ago. Told her I plan on filing after the haunt. She sighed when I said it. Told her how I felt and that I was tired of being the only one working on salvaging our marriage. Told her I was scared for our kid to stay with her and all that. She said "If it comes to that, we don't have to spend all the money, we can do our own agreement.. I'm not going to be a b.tch about it" 

She didn't have much to say about the whole thing. So I left the room. 

It hurts. But needs to be done. 

Dewayne


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to move today to protect your finances.

Watch out for her cleaning out joint accounts, taking any major cash you have around, and running up joint CC.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Seems that she WANTED the divorce. Expected a divorce and is perfectly OK with it.

Like Shaggy said - keep a close eye on the money.

Who collects the admission for the haunt while you are in-character?

One of the teenagers at the party or a close friend of one of them?

I hope you have a fool-proof system to coordinate attendees with the cash on hand at the end of the night.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

My wife is the one who's taking it. But The ticket taker is someone I'm trusting and I"ll match the tickets with cash at the end. 

I'm thinking of having someone else do it, just for this fact. 

I don't have a problem trusting her with this. This isn't the typical situation, but then again, she's lied to me about other things so yeah. Fooling myself I guess.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Dewayne76 said:


> She said "If it comes to that, we don't have to spend all the money, we can do our own agreement.. I'm not going to be a b.tch about it"


She said if? Why? Did you give her an ultimatum/choice,or is it that's she's so sure she can still control the situation?


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Dewayne, today is the first day of your journey towards happiness and peace. I know you are hurting but I swear it is going to get better!

Please remember not to leave your daughter with her. Let her go out and live her second childhood but not with your daughter.

You need to start locking up your finances and take action to limit any damage that can be done. Don't forget the credit cards.

Don't beat the crap out of the man child. Hell, three years ago your wife could have gone to jail for having sex with him. I know he is a big boy but it isn't his fault, it is your wife's fault. I would fire him. I would also be very honest and heartfelt with him and tell him the damage he has done and that one day when he has a wife and child he will know the true weight of the sin he committed.

You have a birthday to be thinking about! So focus on that and getting your finances secured.

You are going to be okay. *hugs*


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

*hugs*


Ohhh how I need one.... a real one.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I'm done trying. Tired of hurting. Told my wife today that we need to move forward with the divorce. She acted like she didn't want to, but at the end, she said she wanted it done. 

Broken family, here I come.... . .


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

dude, if she's that willing to throw in the towel...then, she left the marriage a long time ago. PLUS with her telling you that she may cheat on you in the future is very disturbing. It tells me that she doesn't feel guilty about what she did at all for what she did.

Look, you can be blamed for 50% of the problems in your marriage and she can own up to the other 50%. But, her cheating was 100% on her. So, DO NOT buy into her telling you that the reason she cheated is because you didn't do this, that or the other. She cheated because she made the choice to cheat. That wasn't your fault. So, don't listen to it.

I think that once you get the ball rolling on the divorce and she actually see's that her actions have consquences, she's gonna start to freak out.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

I believe she set you up for divorce. 

Having an affair with a boy itself was enough, but she kept on provoking you with other things (Some person on road grabbing her, her thinking about him, then not being sure about future affairs etc, laughing at you when you were drunk, making suggestive comments about divorce). Her comment about not being "b.tch about it" means she is aware that she has been "b.tch" otherwise.

She must be wondering "What more can I do so that this dumb man would finally divorce me!!!"

I do believe she set you up for divorce. Maybe there is something/someone else that you don't know. But one thing is sure - she wants to get rid of you.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I also believe this set up theory. She wanted the ball rolling and pushed for it. F0cking around with a teen, not a random one but your own employee! It's an overt agression perpetrated with a cold heart. Deloiberate cruelty designed to burn any potential bridge.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> I'm done trying. Tired of hurting. Told my wife today that we need to move forward with the divorce. She acted like she didn't want to, but at the end, she said she wanted it done.
> 
> Broken family, here I come.... . .


Of course. She wants you to instigate so she can go around telling everyone that you were the one who pushed the divorce despite her attempts to keep you from doing so. 

This is how manipulative game players like your WW operate. She wants everyone to look aside from what she did and concentrate on her mean, heartless husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Acabado said:


> I also believe this set up theory. She wanted the ball rolling and pushed for it. F0cking around with a teen, not a random one but your own employee! It's an overt agression perpetrated with a cold heart. Deloiberate cruelty designed to burn any potential bridge.


Dead on!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I know i got a few threads out and I'm sorry. 

But I think I've just about decided to just start trying to live my life. Do the laundry for her. Continue to open doors for her, do more of her house work for her. Being as nice as I can be. Because I can't change and stay changed w/o doing so. 

W/e happens happens. It's up to her. I'm NOT pushing for the Divorce, although my gut keeps telling me to Flight. Too much pain from this one woman. Love or no Love. 

I'm trying to 180 again and keep it up. Just time to stop hurting. I'm going to start working out etc... get back into shape. May as well, I lost 30lbs so far. Ish... I was 260 when I started. Muscular build at 5'9".... Now I'm about 229. Just a few more days / week or so I should shed quite a bit more. I eat once a day, sometimes none at all. 

I need to eat healthier, I know. Plus it gets my metabolism working harder. More research to do instead of wallowing in this forum and other sad sites. 

Dewayne


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

So she gets away scott free with no consequences from you whatsoever? 

Wow. Youre such a nice guy.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

It's different I think, when I KNOW so much is my fault. Neglecting her, Not appreciating her, not showing her how much I loved her (maybe didn't even REALIZE how much I did love her).... Never really helped a ton around the house either... 

I pushed. No doubt. No excuse for her action but still... 

I'm not wallowing in tears anymore. I'm not pleading with her or begging her. I've stopped. I'm doing 180 again but I can't act 100% happy, but I did turn off all the negative stuff at least. 

I know what most would do, would say what to do, and what I probably SHOULD do, but I don't know. I really love my wife. Truly love her, I just didn't show her how much. So i'm torn, do what is best? Or take a chance that my situation could be different? 

Dewayne


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

A *****slap in Super slow motion - YouTube

Pretty much what your wife is doing to you and your good nature. Think you're going to win her back by being extra nice? Nope. If you want to win her back then you better demand some respect from her. Let her know that you will not put up with her foolishness or you're done. From what I can see, she's crossed the line enough already so IMO you should let her go.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

The choice is your's. Stay or go. My two cents is that if she is showing zero remorse for what she has done, then your chances of reconciling with her are zero. If she is not enthusiastic about staying married, then even if you stay, you are now the doormat husband who let her screw a teenager and get away with it. You can not and should not do it alone.

Just know that once a spouse crosses the infidelity bridge, it is much easier the second time.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I'm trying to Plan 9, just.. too hard. A... sorta "counselor" that's been talking to me... says he thinks he knows what happened. And I'm screwed. 

Long story short, after telling him how I was starting to feel before we got the volutneers over here and we had a fight... He said he believes that I fell in "passionate love" with her, which would've been awesome if I'd recognized what I was doing and actually told her before the fight. 

So he said it's extremely hard for me to let go. That's why I'm in so much pain, that's why I can't complete my 180, why I can't let her go w/o wanting to die. ... just a case of bad timing he said. REALLY bad timing.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Yeah, she's remorseful... but .. well when we talked last about it, she said she's wanting to protect me and not hurt me again because she didn't want to do what she did this time, and she's a horrible person so she'd rather not hurt me anymore. 

I need to just let her go. I know. I'm trying... kinda.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Dewayne76 said:


> Yeah, she's remorseful... but .. well when we talked last about it, she said she's wanting to protect me and not hurt me again because she didn't want to do what she did this time, and she's a horrible person so she'd rather not hurt me anymore.
> 
> I need to just let her go. I know. I'm trying... kinda.


She just told you that she will cheat again. She is telling you that if you stay, she will hurt you again and she had rather not do that.

She is justifying her desire for divorce and freedom by claiming she doesn't want to hurt you!

This is not remorse. This is not empathy for you. It is all about her.

Run.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

D , sorry man but you have to. She's still a sexed up baby , like I was saying in ur other thread she was too young and needs to play bc she never got to when we all need to I reckon.
also D , youknow what , I think you'd see the light if you separate once ur over the hard part. Our feelings are so hard to understand when we've been hurt like this , we just want it all gone , we want them back and thing's all normal again. We think we love them more than anything all of a sudden , we just want the pain gone. But sometimes like I found out once , that's not really love in the end and things just went back to the way they were in 6mths.
You have to sep't from her mate , you have no f'n choce with all her bs going on. Get away from her for atleast a yr or two. he needs to live out what she missed first if she's ever gonna be loyal anyway.
Maybe you get back t'ther in a few yrs , maybe you meet someone new , maybe you see you don't even want her back , who knows.
But I can't see how you have a choice anyway sorry. Don't take this bs any longer it doesn't matter what she really feels for you it's not stopping her is it.Get the f'k away from her I say. Give it a yr or two at least.
Hang in there anyway.


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