# Newly wed



## Milligram8 (Aug 5, 2019)

As a wife I feel like I am failing. We have no kids yet it still seems so difficult, like having a second job.

On the topic of jobs I only have one where I try to work 60 hours a week because I am the only person working because my husband is waiting on his work permit. Yes my husband is unable to work until he receives his permit. 

We are another couple going though the long and antagonizing immigration process. My husband is not able to drive, work, go to school, or anything that requires a US ID and or SS. 

He does however go to free ESL classes that I enrolled him In and volunteers for Habitat For Humanity which are the only times he is occupied while I work. I understand that he is bored and I more than understand that he feels useless with no income which he has explained to me repeatedly. I have sacrificed a lot during this process.

A whole lot of money has been spent but that doesn’t bother me because I’m willing to do just about anything for him after all I love him very much he’s my husband. 

It also helps that my parents have insisted that we stay with them so money isn’t my top issue right now.I have shed a lot more stress and tears than money though, more than my husband? I’m not sure.

At first my husband was very happy to be here and just glad that we finally live together now that we are married. Now he is always upset about being home. 

I do my best to try to cheer him up. I cook for him whatever he wants, take him to the movies, we have gone out of town several times and I just try to be a fun wife. 

Mind you I do work a lot so ya we do watch tv in bed most of the time between being at work and the gym. I’m tired! I try to stick to my diet a lot because I have gained 20 pounds since we got married and guess what we are getting married again in 3 months!

So there’s some more stress I’ve been dealing with which my husband doesn’t really show to much concern about.As most wives know it’s very difficult to stick to a diet when your hubby isn’t on one. Okay I’m dealing with a lot, boob whooo poor me welcome to being a wife right!?

I knew this wasn’t going to be easy but it’s more complicated than that considering that not everyone is married to an immigrant. However, this is the life I choose, WE chose. You can’t help who you fall in love with. However, I am now devastated because I’m questioning myself. Did I do the right thing?

We dated 5 months before we got married. We met in vegas while he visited on a b2 visa. We got married so that he could stay here legally instead of having to return to Brazil and have to wait what might have seemed like forever until we could be together. 

We knew we loved each other and basically just got married sooner than later. I prayed a lot on it before hand and as god as my witness I have never received a more clear answer in prayer than to marry this man. All my questions were answered, my parents gave me their blessing and everything went smoothly. 

However, my hubby told me from the beginning that he would not like being unemployed for so long but I explained there was nothing we could do we had to get married and get the Paperwork filed right away. The quicker we file the quicker you can work. 

So here we are waiting. Waiting. Waiting. It’s driving him mad and away from me. I don’t mind one bit being the provider right now it’s not that big of a deal. Of course it’s the end of the world to him and now he says living in my fathers house is “like prison, today he doesn’t like his life and I only want to stay home and eat and watch TV.” Ummm hold on! Did he just call me lazy!? 

All I do because he can’t and that’s what I am told? This was a low blow to my gut or a stab in the heart. It was the ultimate hurt to me. This was all said because we went out to a bar to hear a band play. He got mad and made us leave because I picked an indoor table to listen to the music but were unable to see the band simply because there were no unoccupied tables on the patio. 

Oh and I didn’t drink a beer with him. (Trying to stick to my diet for once) Omg it was the end of the world to him and with what he had said to me I sure was going to make it the end of his world. 

We got home and I said guess what there’s no comfortable bed and tv in prison buddy get out of my room. The fight has been dragging on with not speaking to each other. I left the house and cried after I thought about it all. Does he think I’m just boring and lazy now? I’m a big ***** because I actually unplugged my tv when he turned it on. 

Am I just annoying to him now? We have only been married 7 months and he’s already tired of me? These are all questions I’m sure a lot of new marriages have when they get In a fight but it’s really tearing me up. How could he say that? How could he be so unappreciative of everything I do? 

I actually said In the heat of the moment to go back to Brazil. I mean if you are so unhappy and it’s like a damn prison. I don’t want him to be unhappy so should I honestly just send him back? I’m sure you can imagine all the thoughts going through my head from here.

I feel like if he got his work permit in the mail tomorrow all our problems would go away for him but the damage has already been done during the waiting process making me bitter with they way he acts. Could you believe he’s sitting right next to me as I type this out? Yep, sitting right next to me writing some long ass letter in Portuguese.

Maybe he’s writing out his feelings like I am. I wonder what horrible things he’s saying about me. Do you know that it’s complicated to fight with this man because he doesn’t speak complete English yet so he doesn’t always understand where I’m coming from. This is tearing me up. He’s not just some boyfriend I’m fighting with. 

This is my new husband that I think, maybe, actually regrets marrying me. Ughh I wouldn’t be able to bear it if that’s what he feels. I don’t even know what to do about it because I’m afraid to find out the truth. 

Did I mention that it’s more complicated because I have to remind myself not to be a phyco during any arguments we have? That’s any girl right? Well I need to because my husband is epileptic and he said that a lot of stress could trigger a seizure. 

He himself does a pretty good job of keeping calm to avoid this but it’s like walking on eggshells for me and don’t know where to step. I love him very much and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happens to him. 

It’s already crushing me to know how miserable he is.I hate fighting with him and up until now it didn’t happen often. I come from a long abusive relationship that made me very insecure. In just a few months of dating my man those insecurities began to fade.

He’s not jealous , he’s kind, not controlling, trusting. Family and God loving. Everything a woman wants. So now I’m just left to think that I’m not all he thought I would be and he is true to what he said. Living an em prisoned and unhappy life.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

You need prozac....or something. Calm yourself down, girl. If he walked out the door tomorrow, it won't be the end of the world. But he's not going anywhere and he doesn't want to go anywhere. He just wants to be difficult. He just wants to complain and make you feel bad, while he duped you into silence for fear of fighting back might trigger an epileptic episode. He's got you right where he wants, and your happy tail is perfectly following suit. You're being silly.

If he were so great, he wouldn't be taking his frustrations out on you. Anybody can understand the delays are not your fault. But no, he's only trying to make himself appear Mr. Wonderful to you and soooo anxious to get to work to take care of his wife and get you guys a place to live.

But nobody who is sincere makes mountains out of molehills. Nobody who is sincere takes their frustrations out on his wife. Nobody who is sincere turns a situation like this that is totally out of your control against you. You're asking yourself all those questions. So freaking answer them for yourself. Do they make any kind of sense??? 

He complains as if you could do something about it. He takes the situation out on you as if something is your fault when he knows it isn't. He insults you like you're lazy when he obviously knows you work long hours every day. He makes you think he's so unhappy just to make you feel bad. Any of this crap make sense to you? He is only playing you.

The truth will be in the pudding when his immigration comes through. The moment he gets that green card, start paying attention to how long it takes him to get a job. And how many excuses he gives for not being able to find one. And how badly he starts treating you just to intimidate you so you don't notice he hasn't put any real effort into finding one.

You don't put up with this kind treatment from ANYONE. You don't allow a man to make you feel bad over HIS unhappiness, especially when he doesn't even have anything to be unhappy about. Stop letting him work you over into making yourself sound like a 12 year old. Send his ass back home and see if he really wants to go. When he tells he doesn't want to go, then tell him he better start acting like an adult.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He is not Mr Perfect. He seems to be Mr Rude.

He needs to grow up. How old are you both, by the way?

He needs to treat you with respect.

Maybe that is what he needs to be praying about. Learning to treat his young wife better.

Does your church have a counselling service? They might be able to offer some help and guidance.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Well, it sounds like someone is working HER ass off trying to be all things to all people.

Surely there's a contractor or landscaper who pays under the table for laborers? Geez, they're *everywhere*. Just because he can't yet _legally_ have a job doesn't mean he has to sit at home all day and then ***** at you and expect you to cater to him when you get home after working 12 hours. He's a freakin' albatross around your neck. 

Find him an under the table job with a contractor or farmer or something. Too bad if he doesn't like it - it's better than sitting in your mother's house doing nothing and then whining to you the minute you get home.

You're a brave woman taking this special kind of hell on. I'll just leave it that.


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