# Is it normal to cheat and not feel remorse? Need second opinion.



## bigwill313 (7 mo ago)

I was married to my wife for 6 years. She was a good woman but the sex was non-existent. We had sex only when I initiated. We had sex at a good pace when we first got married but she just became less and less interested. She said it was her nature how she felt. I told her to get counseling with me but she refused. I wanted to have a baby together but I also knew that if we had a baby, I'd be forever stuck in a sexless marriage. If I never initiated, we never had sex. The last time me and my wife had sex was October 2019. Before that, it was February the same year. I wasn't even turned on by her anymore since I hated the sex. Besides that, she was a good woman. She had her quirks but I really loved and cared about her.

I met a woman in March 2021 and we clicked immediately. I started a sexual relationship with her. She was everything my wife wasn't and more. I made the decision to divorce my wife since I got the other woman pregnant this past October. She is due to have the baby in a couple weeks. I love this woman more than anything and we have plans to get married. My wife knows about the other woman but I have no idea how she knows. I don't know how she's been spying on me but she brought up several things about me seeing another woman. Our divorce became final this past March and we have gone our separate ways. No kids and no shared property so I didn't lose anything in the divorce.

I'm currently going through counseling so I can become a better person overall. I understand that I hurt her but I do not regret it one bit. I am not an old man. I'm in my late 30's and the ex is in her early 30's. I have a dangerous public servant job and it's emasculating to have to go out and save the world and then come home to the disrespect. I feel like if I had a dog that I wasn't feeding, I couldn't be upset if the dog left my house to get some food. I'm a man before everything. I need sex. If she isn't even attempting to fulfill that need, I have every right to get that need fulfilled somewhere else. I don't think she should be upset with me and I for sure don't feel an ounce of remorse.

I went back and forth with my counselor on this earlier and it got pretty heated. He says I should feel remorseful for the pain she had to endure. I told him that I suffered pain also being in a sexless marriage. If anything, I'm also a victim just as much as she is. I need a second opinion on this because maybe I'm looking at things wrong. I want to feel empathy for her but I can't. It's almost like I felt she deserved this. If anyone has any advice to throw my way, I would appreciate it.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Know what, nm.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

bigwill313 said:


> I feel like if I had a dog that I wasn't feeding, I couldn't be upset if the dog left my house to get some food. I'm a man before everything. I need sex. If she isn't even attempting to fulfill that need, I have every right to get that need fulfilled somewhere else.


Or, hear me out here... You could have divorced her first 🤯

Shocker, I know.

Instead, you only divorced her because you forgot to wrap it.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I’m sure you already know that you should have left her instead of staying in a sexless marriage. It is good that you’re in counseling to deal with your issues. Due to fear of being alone, you stayed with a wife who was not into you. I wouldn’t sweat your lack of empathy for her because I suspect that she was not to torn about you leaving. 

Most women expect us to initiate. Some women will initiate half the time but they’re rare. Most will only do it occasionally. Most of them also do soft initiating. So you have to be in tune with your wife’s cues. Aggressively initiating is not typical. Especially after few years.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

bigwill313 said:


> I need sex. If she isn't even attempting to fulfill that need, I have every right to get that need fulfilled somewhere else.


Morally — and even ethically — speaking, there’s no way to justify this position unless you informed her of your intent to do so _before_ doing it.

Doesn’t sound like you did that.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

First, you need to start referring to your ex-wife as your ex-wife because you are divorced. The fact that you are still calling her your wife indicates just how much unfinished business there is with her.

Second, with your baby mama ready to push one out you might want to reconsider examining your conscience because that time kinda came and went. Don't put the love-of-your-life through that nonsense - she'll be busy with a *genuine *baby to care for.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

By the way, was your current partner married or in a relationship herself when the two of you became involved?


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## bigwill313 (7 mo ago)

My current partner was already a few months of her past relationship. She's a lot younger than me though.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

The mother of your baby may lose interest in sex with you just like your ex-wife did. Maybe for the same reasons ( do you know what they were ? ). 


bigwill313 said:


> She had her quirks but *I really loved and cared about her.*


People don't cheat on those they love and care about. That ship has sailed. 

How are you going to avoid repeating the pattern you have established, which is when things get tough you do what is convenient and makes you happy? There is now a child in the mix. Helpless and innocent.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@bigwill313 So, you are a remorseless cheater who has absolutely no concept of right and wrong, you don't have any empathy.

I'm going to suggest that you see a psychiatrist to get evaluated for narcissistic personality disorder. 

Someone with your type of job who has zero empathy? That's probably not a good mix.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

bigwill313 said:


> I was married to my wife for 6 years. She was a good woman but the sex was non-existent. We had sex only when I initiated. We had sex at a good pace when we first got married but she just became less and less interested. She said it was her nature how she felt. I told her to get counseling with me but she refused. I wanted to have a baby together but I also knew that if we had a baby, I'd be forever stuck in a sexless marriage. If I never initiated, we never had sex. The last time me and my wife had sex was October 2019. Before that, it was February the same year. I wasn't even turned on by her anymore since I hated the sex. Besides that, she was a good woman. She had her quirks but I really loved and cared about her.
> 
> I met a woman in March 2021 and we clicked immediately. I started a sexual relationship with her. She was everything my wife wasn't and more. I made the decision to divorce my wife since I got the other woman pregnant this past October. She is due to have the baby in a couple weeks. I love this woman more than anything and we have plans to get married. My wife knows about the other woman but I have no idea how she knows. I don't know how she's been spying on me but she brought up several things about me seeing another woman. Our divorce became final this past March and we have gone our separate ways. No kids and no shared property so I didn't lose anything in the divorce.
> 
> ...


My 2 cents are a sexless marriage decided by one partner is just as bad and harmful to a marriage as cheating on partner. Remorse or not, if you are in a better place now, go with it. Hopefully it works out.


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## JustAnj (7 mo ago)

bigwill313 said:


> I was married to my wife for 6 years. She was a good woman but the sex was non-existent. We had sex only when I initiated. We had sex at a good pace when we first got married but she just became less and less interested. She said it was her nature how she felt. I told her to get counseling with me but she refused. I wanted to have a baby together but I also knew that if we had a baby, I'd be forever stuck in a sexless marriage. If I never initiated, we never had sex. The last time me and my wife had sex was October 2019. Before that, it was February the same year. I wasn't even turned on by her anymore since I hated the sex. Besides that, she was a good woman. She had her quirks but I really loved and cared about her.
> 
> I met a woman in March 2021 and we clicked immediately. I started a sexual relationship with her. She was everything my wife wasn't and more. I made the decision to divorce my wife since I got the other woman pregnant this past October. She is due to have the baby in a couple weeks. I love this woman more than anything and we have plans to get married. My wife knows about the other woman but I have no idea how she knows. I don't know how she's been spying on me but she brought up several things about me seeing another woman. Our divorce became final this past March and we have gone our separate ways. No kids and no shared property so I didn't lose anything in the divorce.
> 
> ...


You are remorseful may it be guilt or self denial. You just have not dealt with the damage you created. When we feel angry and are constantly bitter and projecting ourselves in a manner that is almost like saying, I AM RIGHT! RIGHT? 

You sound almost panic'd about your decision either because you still care about your ex wife and felt you could have done more or because you don't know if you made the right move. Everyone goes through the phase of the other side seems greener and either it is or you just went straight into another relationship without first resolving your issues with your ex-wife.

I don't quite understand the part were you say there was no sex also because you got it if you initiated and instead of working with your wife to try different stuff in bed you were focused on how it began. 

You then went to another woman to resolve your issues and now she will have to deal with your dependency if you do not resolve what you didn't with your ex. That lack of remorse you feel is a cold wall that people put up when they do not want to deal with emotions and since you jumped partners that's what did not allow you to acknowledge your own misjudgment and need for individual counseling during your marriage.


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

bigwill313 said:


> I was married to my wife for 6 years. She was a good woman but the sex was non-existent. We had sex only when I initiated. We had sex at a good pace when we first got married but she just became less and less interested. She said it was her nature how she felt. I told her to get counseling with me but she refused. I wanted to have a baby together but I also knew that if we had a baby, I'd be forever stuck in a sexless marriage. If I never initiated, we never had sex. The last time me and my wife had sex was October 2019. Before that, it was February the same year. I wasn't even turned on by her anymore since I hated the sex. Besides that, she was a good woman. She had her quirks but I really loved and cared about her.
> 
> I met a woman in March 2021 and we clicked immediately. I started a sexual relationship with her. She was everything my wife wasn't and more. I made the decision to divorce my wife since I got the other woman pregnant this past October. She is due to have the baby in a couple weeks. I love this woman more than anything and we have plans to get married. My wife knows about the other woman but I have no idea how she knows. I don't know how she's been spying on me but she brought up several things about me seeing another woman. Our divorce became final this past March and we have gone our separate ways. No kids and no shared property so I didn't lose anything in the divorce.
> 
> ...


Some day, either your current AP or another woman will cheat on you. Then you will likely "get it."


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

bigwill313 said:


> I was married to my wife for 6 years. She was a good woman but the sex was non-existent. We had sex only when I initiated. We had sex at a good pace when we first got married but she just became less and less interested. She said it was her nature how she felt. I told her to get counseling with me but she refused. I wanted to have a baby together but I also knew that if we had a baby, I'd be forever stuck in a sexless marriage. If I never initiated, we never had sex. The last time me and my wife had sex was October 2019. Before that, it was February the same year. I wasn't even turned on by her anymore since I hated the sex. Besides that, she was a good woman. She had her quirks but I really loved and cared about her.
> 
> I met a woman in March 2021 and we clicked immediately. I started a sexual relationship with her. She was everything my wife wasn't and more. I made the decision to divorce my wife since I got the other woman pregnant this past October. She is due to have the baby in a couple weeks. I love this woman more than anything and we have plans to get married. My wife knows about the other woman but I have no idea how she knows. I don't know how she's been spying on me but she brought up several things about me seeing another woman. Our divorce became final this past March and we have gone our separate ways. No kids and no shared property so I didn't lose anything in the divorce.
> 
> ...


Serial cheaters don’t have remorse. Neither do psychopaths or sociopaths and some narcissists. Which are you? 

Perhaps your head is too far up your rear to smell the crap on your shoe. Had an affair and didn’t leave the wife until the side piece was impregnated, and she is much younger. What could possibly go wrong? 

The new chick has you by the short and curlies now. Get ready to be “victimized” for the next 18 years, minimum.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Twodecades said:


> Some day, either your current AP or another woman will cheat on you. Then you will likely "get it."


There is thread on TAM right now by man who cheated on his wife with woman who cheated on her husband. The two married and 17 years later she betrays him. Karma


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Honestly you just sound like every cheater I know. Selfish and lazy. So yeah, I think it's normal for cheaters to not have any regrets. They rewrite their entire marriage history to justify their choices, they don't take any responsibility for their unhappiness, and they are too self-centered to even understand what they actually did to the person they were married to. I promise your ex-wife is in significantly more pain than you ever were.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Your argument with your counselor - you tried to justify your anger and treatment of your ex-wife for what she did to you. You don’t want to have any fault in this.

I get it. I can tell where your feelings are coming from. I know what a dead bedroom feels like. It sucks.

problem is, you are taking no accountability for your own actions. That’s where I see you making a mistake.

#1, you made a promise to your ex-wife that she would be the only one for you when you married her. Don’t cheat. You broke that rule. It’s quite possibly the worst thing someone can do to someone else. I think what your exwife did to you is horrible, but you went and made it worse.

#2, figure out who you are really mad at. Is it your ex-wife or is it yourself? I think you don’t want to come to terms with the fact that you are pissed at yourself for allowing the dead bedroom to last for as long as you did. You stuck around for 2 years in a sexless marriage. You could have left and found your new woman that way.

trust me. I get it. I deal with my own demons of allowing a dead bedroom to last for years. Yes, some of the blame is on the partner, but you need to look inwards. You could have done something about it and set boundaries. You decided to divorce her. You could have done that before cheating.


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## JustAnj (7 mo ago)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Your argument with your counselor - you tried to justify your anger and treatment of your ex-wife for what she did to you. You don’t want to have any fault in this.
> 
> I get it. I can tell where your feelings are coming from. I know what a dead bedroom feels like. It sucks.
> 
> ...


💯

I dealt with this issue myself for 2 years on and off and it was horrible being left stranded but I didn't jump the gun. I knew there was something I could not understand and needed to resolve that we both were missing the mark on communicating. Finally has gotten better these last year after really getting down to the deeper issue. ♥ Sorry you had to deal with that yourself. ♥


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## Imnobodynew (Feb 11, 2016)

You have no or low moral character and poor values. Your moral character would let you know to feel remorse and your values would have told you to leave first. 

Your the type who will cry a river and throw a fit if and when it happens to you. It will probably happen to you. You know why becuase you never paused to develop moral character and good values and now you have attracted the same. 

I will say though even if you somehow manipulated this girl Into to this relationship (and she does sound lack she lacks moral character and poor values) she will grow tired of you and leave. Becuase, as you guessed it from lack or bad moral character and poor values. 

Now you have doomed your child becuase they are the only innocent one here. And they will probably suffer from a broken home with lack of character and poor values which in turn will teach them the same or they will be living hell because they will act out not understanding classy character and good values. This acting out wil come from the hard life ahead of them.

Did you ever think your wife lost sexual interest in you becuase of your lack of character and poor values? God bless her cuase she will probably breathe a sigh of relief and do better. I wonder if she pittied you?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I think if you had no remorse, you wouldn’t be posting asking if it’s normal to not have remorse. I suppose there’s a glimmer of hope there. Keep going to counseling and take in what your counselor is suggesting.

Maybe you’re still angry over having a sexless marriage, so you still feel “justified”. (Another bad reason to have hastily rushed into another relationship - you may not be entirely over your ex.)

There’s no justification to having an affair, as others mentioned, you should have left your ex, first.


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## Junebug86 (Mar 16, 2021)

bigwill313 said:


> I was married to my wife for 6 years. She was a good woman but the sex was non-existent. We had sex only when I initiated. We had sex at a good pace when we first got married but she just became less and less interested. She said it was her nature how she felt. I told her to get counseling with me but she refused. I wanted to have a baby together but I also knew that if we had a baby, I'd be forever stuck in a sexless marriage. If I never initiated, we never had sex. The last time me and my wife had sex was October 2019. Before that, it was February the same year. I wasn't even turned on by her anymore since I hated the sex. Besides that, she was a good woman. She had her quirks but I really loved and cared about her.
> 
> I met a woman in March 2021 and we clicked immediately. I started a sexual relationship with her. She was everything my wife wasn't and more. I made the decision to divorce my wife since I got the other woman pregnant this past October. She is due to have the baby in a couple weeks. I love this woman more than anything and we have plans to get married. My wife knows about the other woman but I have no idea how she knows. I don't know how she's been spying on me but she brought up several things about me seeing another woman. Our divorce became final this past March and we have gone our separate ways. No kids and no shared property so I didn't lose anything in the divorce.
> 
> ...


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Cheating is never the answer. You should have divorced your ex before starting a new one. Big difference between a sexless marriage and you getting another woman pregnant.

Continue counseling and become the best husband and dad you can be.


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## Junebug86 (Mar 16, 2021)

Perhaps, you should have divorced your wife first. But, instead you found some one else and got her pregnant. No matter whether you were in a sexless marriage or not, is irrelevant. You were married and you betrayed your wife. I’m sure your wife was hurt, felt betrayed and was humiliated.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

bigwill313 said:


> I went back and forth with my counselor on this earlier and it got pretty heated. He says I should feel remorseful for the pain she had to endure. I told him that I suffered pain also being in a sexless marriage. If anything, I'm also a victim just as much as she is. I need a second opinion on this because maybe I'm looking at things wrong. I want to feel empathy for her but I can't. It's almost like I felt she deserved this. If anyone has any advice to throw my way, I would appreciate it.


Honest question here - was your ex wife really all that hurt?? 

If she wasn't that into and didn't want any intimacy with you, then how hurt was she actually??? 

Maybe she was a bit miffed that your time and energies and money were being spent elsewhere and not on her and she may not like the fact you aren't paying your share of her household bills anymore, but was/is she actually hurt?

Is it really cheating to have sex with someone else when your partner does not want to have sex with you??? 

You're going to get a lot of flak here because many of the people on this particular sub-forum are here because they were the one that was cheated on and they identify more acutely with the BS. They want the WS to be riddled with guilt and shame and want them to throw themselves prostrate on the ground groveling for forgiveness and absolution. 

But the fact is, lots of WS's do NOT have any true remorse for their actions. Many feel justified as you do. 

Many only feel regret for the consequences they face once getting caught such as their BS being chronically resentful and bitter towards them or divorcing them and losing half their assets and having to move and having to share custody of the kids or pay child support/spousal support etc. 

If you haven't faced those consequences and ramifications and your ex wasn't really all that hurt and she didn't want to be with you in the first place..... well then quite frankly, what is there to be remorseful for???????

To me it sounds like you got out of a situation that wasn't working for either of you and now you get to be with someone that actually wants to be with you and your BS doesn't have to put up with you anymore and she gets to either enjoy her celibacy or she is free to find someone she does like. 

Sounds like a win-win to me. 

As far as the morality of whether you should have divorced her before hooking up with this other chick, ok go to the corner and give yourself a spanking. Then carry on. There's nothing else to see here folks.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

To answer the question in the title of your thread - YES, it is very common for a WS to not feel remorse for hooking up with someone else. 

When they cry their crocodile tears after getting caught, it is about facing the consequences and ramifications that come with getting caught,, not for mashing naughty bits with some other person. 

In your case, it doesn't really sound like there were any consequences or ramifications for you and from your descriptions, it doesn't really sound like your ex was all that upset about it either unless you are conveniently leaving that part out. 

Your counselor may be barking up the wrong tree here. There may not be anything to be remorseful for in the practical sense. 

Your priest may have issue with the moral implications. But from the practical stand point, there's really no loss here.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I’m confused, maybe I didn’t read properly. Who are you living with now? Meaning, have l arrangements changed and when is the second wedding date?

I am assuming you’re no longer living with your wife and she seems ok with the fact that it’s ended?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Twodecades said:


> Some day, either your current AP or another woman will cheat on you. Then you will likely "get it."


Yes, especially as she clearly sees nothing wrong with cheating with another woman's husband.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If you have any moral values or a conscience you would know you did the wrong thing. You even got the OW pregnant while still married and only then did you end the marriage. 
Sadly it's highly unlikely the new relationship will last, neither of you values faithfulness, I feel for the child.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Counsellors usually know the situation better than us. So they have their reasons for stating what they do. It’s a really good opportunity for you to really hash things out with the counsellor. Especially when you disagree, because you’re allowed to disagree and dispute things during your sessions.

It can be really good do to this, because sometimes they see things you don’t, and it’s a great thing to be challenged. Keep working here with this. Maybe you are blinded by things you see as not your fault. Maybe you’re blinded by your past and future, and I’m talking about your role in this. (That’s what the counsellor is getting at).

Remember, we all think our situations are unique, but usually it’s just the same old story. And remember, a counsellor sees this same old situation over and over. Except that the names are different, and the ages. But largely, it’s the same old story.


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## bigwill313 (7 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> Honest question here - was your ex wife really all that hurt??
> 
> If she wasn't that into and didn't want any intimacy with you, then how hurt was she actually???
> 
> ...


My ex was only responsible for one bill which was the electricity. I covered all the other bills including the vehicles and insurance. I will admit that she did seem hurt but it didn't seem too genuine. She knew I was upset about the sex but she did nothing to rekindle the sexual relationship. There was no sense of urgency on her part to save the marriage. I told her to get counseling and she refused. I told her to talk to other women to get advice and she refused. She had an attitude of "accept me how I am". That's why I don't feel remorseful. It's one thing to do everything to save a marriage and it's another to just not care. 

As far as cheating on her, I would have loved to divorced her before I started sleeping with someone else. The truth is that the stars aligned in such a way that I met the woman I was supposed to be with while still married. Not saying that was the best decision on my part but I don't feel bad about it either.


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## bigwill313 (7 mo ago)

Luckylucky said:


> I’m confused, maybe I didn’t read properly. Who are you living with now? Meaning, have l arrangements changed and when is the second wedding date?
> 
> I am assuming you’re no longer living with your wife and she seems ok with the fact that it’s ended?


I live alone at the moment. The divorce was final in March and she moved out 2 weeks ago. I did not charge her rent and I gave her enough time to get her finances together and find a place to stay.


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## bigwill313 (7 mo ago)

JustAnj said:


> You are remorseful may it be guilt or self denial. You just have not dealt with the damage you created. When we feel angry and are constantly bitter and projecting ourselves in a manner that is almost like saying, I AM RIGHT! RIGHT?
> 
> You sound almost panic'd about your decision either because you still care about your ex wife and felt you could have done more or because you don't know if you made the right move. Everyone goes through the phase of the other side seems greener and either it is or you just went straight into another relationship without first resolving your issues with your ex-wife.
> 
> ...


I got sex when I initiated but it was dry and dull. It was like sleeping with a dead fish. A man can tell when a woman wants him. It felt like she only gave me sex because I wanted it. If it were up to her, we would have lived as best friends and never had sex. I am not a scumbag. I took care of her the entire relationship. She worked and outside of paying for one bill, she got to keep all her money. When her father died and she stopped working for months, she was well taken care of. After reading all of the posts here, I realize that maybe she was with me out of convenience and not because she loved me. I admit that even before I cheated, I started to feel used and taken advantage of. I have feelings just like everyone else. I fell out of love with her before I even cheated. I get where everyone is coming from but hear me out. I feel like I was being abused by her mentally. I felt emasculated. Let's be honest. Relationships usually end because of money and sex. I had the money part taken care of making well over 100k most years and making 162k last year. I see myself as a good man that takes care of his family, if she can't appreciate that then I need to go where I am wanted.

I appreciate all the input. Maybe one day I will feel empathy for her but I'm not feeling it now. It anything, I feel bitter and I wish I ended this years earlier.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

bigwill313 said:


> g, I feel bitter and I wish I ended this years earlier.


Somehow you need to put the past behind and move on. You have what you wanted, but still unhappy and bitter. What would it take to lose the bitterness?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Everything is ok here except the order. The proper order is to divorce then find a replacement.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

bigwill313 said:


> As far as cheating on her, I would have loved to divorced her before I started sleeping with someone else. The truth is that the stars aligned in such a way that I met the woman I was supposed to be with while still married.


Come on. You really expect anyone to believe that? 

The truth is, your new relationship is unlikely to survive. Statistically, you will be twice divorced. Marriages that start with infidelity typically don't end well. Chances are one or both of you will cheat and/or will be suspicious of the other person for the rest of the relationship because you know what they are capable of. 

Life isn't a fairytale, and no, the stars do not align and plop and affair and affair child into your lap.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Can anyone say sociopath?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> There is thread on TAM right now by man who cheated on his wife with woman who cheated on her husband. The two married and 17 years later she betrays him. Karma


They were separated, divorce was just not finalized yet by courts.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Hmm....remorseless cheater didn't have the stones to just divorce his wife until he knocked up a much younger woman and saw a soft landing place.

If you don't have any regrets that you demonstrated cowardice and low integrity that doesn't bode well for future relationships.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

As for the remorse issue... PLENTY of WS's feel justified in what they did and don't feel a speck of remorse. So you are certainly not alone.

That doesn't mean it's a good thing, though.

It makes you a crappy and unsafe partner. Same goes for your new and not-so-improved model.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

bigwill313 said:


> I got sex when I initiated but it was dry and dull. It was like sleeping with a dead fish. A man can tell when a woman wants him. It felt like she only gave me sex because I wanted it. If it were up to her, we would have lived as best friends and never had sex. I am not a scumbag. I took care of her the entire relationship. She worked and outside of paying for one bill, she got to keep all her money. When her father died and she stopped working for months, she was well taken care of. After reading all of the posts here, I realize that maybe she was with me out of convenience and not because she loved me. I admit that even before I cheated, I started to feel used and taken advantage of. I have feelings just like everyone else. I fell out of love with her before I even cheated. I get where everyone is coming from but hear me out. I feel like I was being abused by her mentally. I felt emasculated. Let's be honest. Relationships usually end because of money and sex. I had the money part taken care of making well over 100k most years and making 162k last year. I see myself as a good man that takes care of his family, if she can't appreciate that then I need to go where I am wanted.
> 
> I appreciate all the input. Maybe one day I will feel empathy for her but I'm not feeling it now. It anything, I feel bitter and I wish I ended this years earlier.


You should have no issue with leaving your marriage.
You should feel bad that you let your own moral integrity down by stepping out before you filed for divorce. 

This scenario to me is like someone who continually assaults another, like a bully. Finally the victim waylays the hell out of the other person. 
Can you understand the hurt the person is coming from? Yes. 
Should they handled it another way? Yes. But more likely they would be upset they let it get to them and they lost control, but not necessarily that they whipped the crap out of the bully.

Either way the actions of both shows there is not a loving relationship between them.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@bigwill313 You say you are still bitter. 

I think the reason you cheated on your wife was because you were angry and furious with her and wanted to spite her.

So you used your lover as a spite/grudge **** to get vengeance against your wife?

And got her pregnant as part of your revenge plot?

Yeah. You are a real class act.

I have sympathy for you ex-wife, your lover and your child.

You? Not so much.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> @bigwill313 You say you are still bitter.
> 
> I think the reason you cheated on your wife was because you were angry and furious with her and wanted to spite her.
> 
> ...


To be fair his lover is also responsible. She knew he was married and even so had an affair wiht him and even got pregnant.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> They were separated, divorce was just not finalized yet by courts.


They werent separated, she has only just moved out.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Others have given their piece on your new piece, the new chapter in your life.
I cannot argue with their harsh opinions.

You said your wife was 'frigid' and had no love, no desire or need for sex.
That attitude does no happen in a vacuum.
*I would be curious as to why, what part did you play in these negative feelings of hers?*

If she had been a nasty woman, in addition, also, too, I would tend to slip a bit to your side of the cold bed.
Ah, but she is a nice lady.....otherwise, too, and yep. 
Your words.

She was otherwise nice. 
For that reason alone _you should feel remorse._
She has/had intimacy issues, and you stabbed her on the way out.

Regret?
Maybe not, not yet.
You bounced back well, your ex-wife was left, _knowing, hopeful_?
She is now colder down in that well of despair.

_I suspect she knew what was coming.
How could she not?
She had to know her part in all this._

*No excuse*, you should have divorced, then _dipped your wick_ in some new thing.

All in all, you did not follow that moral compass.
You followed that old _Silk Trail_, the sheer, the scented one that leads men astray.

You got your pussycat , and you got your *Scarlet A.*



_Nemesis- _a companion of Brian.


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## Jimmysgirl (9 mo ago)

You're a blamer. I did this but it's your fault. Nope. You chose to cheat, I don't care what she did. Is it wrong to deny your husband sex? Maybe. But even so cheating is a choice and you chose to betray your wife. If you feel nothing I'm feeling a little sad for your new gal and the baby. I'm guessing they'll know what blame feels like in one way or another as time goes on.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

bigwill313 said:


> I was married to my wife for 6 years. She was a good woman but the sex was non-existent. We had sex only when I initiated. We had sex at a good pace when we first got married but she just became less and less interested. She said it was her nature how she felt. I told her to get counseling with me but she refused. I wanted to have a baby together but I also knew that if we had a baby, I'd be forever stuck in a sexless marriage. If I never initiated, we never had sex. The last time me and my wife had sex was October 2019. Before that, it was February the same year. I wasn't even turned on by her anymore since I hated the sex. Besides that, she was a good woman. She had her quirks but I really loved and cared about her.
> 
> I met a woman in March 2021 and we clicked immediately. I started a sexual relationship with her. She was everything my wife wasn't and more. I made the decision to divorce my wife since I got the other woman pregnant this past October. She is due to have the baby in a couple weeks. I love this woman more than anything and we have plans to get married. My wife knows about the other woman but I have no idea how she knows. I don't know how she's been spying on me but she brought up several things about me seeing another woman. Our divorce became final this past March and we have gone our separate ways. No kids and no shared property so I didn't lose anything in the divorce.
> 
> ...


You can dress it up any way you want. You cheated, full stop. I hope your current woman doesn't do the same to you whenever she feels you are not meeting one of her needs, but I guess it will be ok with you?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

bigwill313 said:


> _*...and I for sure don't feel an ounce of remorse.
> 
> I went back and forth with my counselor on this earlier and it got pretty heated. He says I should feel remorseful for the pain she had to endure. I told him that I suffered pain also being in a sexless marriage. If anything, I'm also a victim just as much as she is. I need a second opinion on this because maybe I'm looking at things wrong. I want to feel empathy for her but I can't. It's almost like I felt she deserved this. If anyone has any advice to throw my way, I would appreciate it.*_



I don't think most cheaters *purposefully *set out to hurt their spouses - betrayed spouses are collateral damage. I also think most cheaters are just *very* selfish and cheat because they WANT to and because they CAN, because in their minds their perceived 'needs' trump anyone else's pain or suffering that will result from it.

Plain and simple.

How ANY cheater can claim "remorse" only *after *they've been caught is such a joke. They sure weren't feeling "remorse" when they were having their fun and getting their 'needs' met, were they? No, they sure weren't because if they were, they wouldn't have been cheating. So it rings REAL hollow when a cheater suddenly finds all this _*"remorse"*_ only after the **** hits the fan and they're saying and doing whatever they CAN to avoid being thrown out the front door.

So OP, it doesn't surprise me at ALL that you feel no remorse, or you wouldn't have done it in the first place.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I commend you for getting out of a sexless marriage. For a man, there is truly nothing worse. It eats away at your soul everyday. That said, knocking up the first woman you met was just plain dumb. I hope I’m wrong, but I see years of grief heading your way. The next divorce will cost you plenty. What are you going to do when your new side piece declines you sex because she’s tired from the baby? Is that when you find another?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> *No excuse*, you should have divorced, then _dipped your wick_ in some new thing.
> 
> All in all, you did not follow that moral compass.


Sexual/romantic relationships are the only institution where that is part of the moral code.

In virtually all other aspects of life, one is expected to have the new in place before disengaging from the old… assuming one has to disengage at all.

People are admonished to not quit one job before securing employment elsewhere. People are judged and criticized if they do quit one job before finding another. No one is ever advised to quit one job before even viewing a job board for another.

No one sells a car and then walks to work or takes the bus before they start kicking tires and looking under the hood of another. 

Someone who would break up with a friend and tell them to get lost because they want to start playing golf with another, would be thought a jerk. 

Do we throw away our clothes and go to the mall naked before we begin our search for a new wardrobe? 

Morality aside, it’s just a reality that people don’t always completely free themselves from the old before seeking the new.

From a practicality standpoint, many people just bumble along in chronic dissatisfaction or quiet desperation until someone else comes along that wakes up something inside them and tells them that there can be life out there. 

We can point fingers at the OP and say he shoulda done this and shouldn’t have done that. 

But it is a reality of the human condition. 

And she was just as discontent as he was. She was also just numbing along on auto pilot because the bills were getting paid. 

For all we know, in another week she may have been the one falling for Sven From Yoga or Steve From Accounting. 

When people are in a dead/dying relationship and are doing nothing to rescuscitate it, the clock is ticking down to one or the other getting their buttons pushed by someone else. 

It’s the risk people take when they deny and reject their partner and do nothing to address it.


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## hplove (Jan 19, 2021)

No judgment here, I will try to answer your question.
The reason you do not feel any remorse is because by the time you had the affair you were so detach that it didn't matter. In some level In your mind you did not care if you spend the rest of your life with this woman. In a marriage or committed relationship the number one role is to be lovers, not co-parents or roommate's. Whatever you do from this point forward work on yourself and learn from your mistakes. BTW most women will not initiate as often as a man does. Big difference between a woman that gets into it after you begging and the ones that just lay there.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

RebuildingMe said:


> I commend you for getting out of a sexless marriage. For a man, there is truly nothing worse. It eats away at your soul everyday. That said, knocking up the first woman you met was just plain dumb. I hope I’m wrong, but I see years of grief heading your way. The next divorce will cost you plenty. What are you going to do when your new side piece declines you sex because she’s tired from the baby? Is that when you find another?


Our own @dadstartingover has a recent podcast about exactly this about men in dead marriages falling for the first chick that touches their winkie. 

When a guy is in a dead marriage, he can fall for the cashier at 7-11 that brushes up against his hand as she gives him back his change. 

Again, it may not be “right” and it may be something that should be avoided, but it is also a part of the human experience and a reality. 

There ain’t nuth’n good about being in a dead marriage and dead bedroom.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> They werent separated, she has only just moved out.


This was IC6970s quote about his situation. The response was to another poster mentioning IC6970 cheating during marriage. I think you are confusing threads.

"yes we were both actively married but at the time had filed for divorce from my ex but she wouldn't sign the papers I was living on my own..My current wife had kick her ex out of the house at the time we met."


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> To be fair his lover is also responsible. She knew he was married and even so had an affair wiht him and even got pregnant.


Yep, and starting a new relationship that’s built on lies and sneaking around usually is a recipe for disaster, but now a child is involved so …


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## JustAnj (7 mo ago)

bigwill313 said:


> I got sex when I initiated but it was dry and dull. It was like sleeping with a dead fish. A man can tell when a woman wants him. It felt like she only gave me sex because I wanted it. If it were up to her, we would have lived as best friends and never had sex. I am not a scumbag. I took care of her the entire relationship. She worked and outside of paying for one bill, she got to keep all her money. When her father died and she stopped working for months, she was well taken care of. After reading all of the posts here, I realize that maybe she was with me out of convenience and not because she loved me. I admit that even before I cheated, I started to feel used and taken advantage of. I have feelings just like everyone else. I fell out of love with her before I even cheated. I get where everyone is coming from but hear me out. I feel like I was being abused by her mentally. I felt emasculated. Let's be honest. Relationships usually end because of money and sex. I had the money part taken care of making well over 100k most years and making 162k last year. I see myself as a good man that takes care of his family, if she can't appreciate that then I need to go where I am wanted.
> 
> I appreciate all the input. Maybe one day I will feel empathy for her but I'm not feeling it now. It anything, I feel bitter and I wish I ended this years earlier.


I understand what your saying but it doesn't matter when it comes to your own conscious, you hurt yourself, you allowed infidelity, you allowed yourself to be in a unhealthy situation, you allowed.

One of the things people tend to misinterpret about mental health is that you are the one your affecting the most with your actions may you regard it or not. I'm just trying to throw at you a logical point that you shouldn't ignore.

Her having everything so on and so on doesn't mean anything. She didn't deserve it. She did not cheat herself. What if she did not initiate sex because she thought you were boring in bed but remained with you. That would technically make her the better partner but also a inexperienced one like yourself. You can't assume you know everything about your ex's feelings.

The biggest problem you ignored is that what you did no matter the reason is not okay and you have to be a stronger person and accept that. Accept you failed as a person in yourself and need to take responsibility for you and stop bringing your ex wife into it. No one wants to be a cheater and claim it. You had the option to leave accept this, you had the opportunity to separate before divorce even accept that. You did not take yourself into account and now you are here feeling a need and itch to be understood. You want to be understood be a adult and accept yourself and be accountable without involving your ex.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I found there are two types of remorse, one based on personal guilt - derived from one's own morals, the other based on consequences or the fear of it.

Both can avoided easily, morality is relative after all.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

No, I would honestly say it’s not surprising. In fact, you’re probably one of the few who actually admits to having no remorse.

Just get your **** together and do right by the kid.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> I found there are two types of remorse, one based on personal guilt - derived from one's own morals, the other based on consequences or the fear of it.
> 
> Both can avoided easily, morality is relative after all.


When single I had no remorse dating as many women as possible simultaneously (but tactfully).

I'd have remorse as a M person.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Time will tell, further, what time has already spoken.

For some time, it will be you and your lover against the world.

People have their own issues to deal with, yours will soon be forgotten.
No, not by your former wife.
That is a never, forget.

Good luck.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I should have added as a now M person wouldn't.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Know what, nm.


Know what nm what? I'm curious about what you wanted to say.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I'm glad you're in therapy. Hopefully, the therapist can make you understand that the world does not revolve around you or your penis.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

"I have a dangerous public servant job and it's emasculating to have to go out and save the world and then come home to the *disrespect*. "

This is choice. And going out and getting another woman pregnant is way beyond disrespect. 

Each person has their own level of sexual desire, with most women's being less than most men's, but with all of it varying widely on both sexes. What's disrespectful is assuming that your needs trump hers. That's disrespect. And why would she initiate when you're the one wanting more sex and she's wanting less?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

OP, you are in your late 30s and your affair partner is a lot younger than you (your words). Basically, it is only a matter of time before this and the age difference comes back to haunt your relationship. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket with this girl. Have a pre-nup.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Sorry but you are just a cheater. Nothing special.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Yeah, the new girl is a real prize. She's morally bankrupt enough to have an affair with a married man, disorganized and irresponsible enough to let herself get pregnant by him, and unless I miss my guess, probably naive enough to justify it by thinking it was fate.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yeah, the new girl is a real prize. She's morally bankrupt enough to have an affair with a married man, disorganized and irresponsible enough to let herself get pregnant by him, and unless I miss my guess, probably naive enough to justify it by thinking it was fate.


He sold her a fantasy version of his marriage. "Wife's evil, she hates me. She eats toast in bed" kind of nonsense.

And all this coming from a sexy yet vulnerable macho man in uniform? Oh, yeah. She fell for his nonsense.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MattMatt said:


> He sold her a fantasy version of his marriage. "Wife's evil, she hates me. She eats toast in bed" kind of nonsense.
> 
> And all this coming from a sexy yet vulnerable macho man in uniform? Oh, yeah. She fell for his nonsense.


Yes, and by the time she realizes her mistake it will be too late to get her life back on track.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You were nine words away from that _earned and valid _criticism.

What are those words?

I am divorced. and I met this nice lady.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Blondilocks said:


> Don't put all of your eggs in one basket with this girl. Have a pre-nup.


He didn’t. He only used one of her eggs.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A man's penis ought to have a voice.

It should get a vote.

It should not have the last word, nor the last squeaky spurt.

Nature, says unwisely, otherwise.

Survival of the fittest, leaves a lot of broken hearts and carnage in its wake.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> He didn’t. He only used one of her eggs.


Not true, he bargained for them all.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> A man's penis ought to have a voice.
> 
> It should get a vote.
> 
> ...


You mean it doesn't? Damn, what voice do I keep hearing saying yes, go for it!!
  🤣🤣🤣


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

bigwill313 said:


> *Is it normal to cheat and not feel remorse?*


Yes and no!
So it depends how your brain is wired and how you view the world!
Some people believe that when someone do them wrong they have the right to execute a punishment, many public servants (Cops for example) have this kind of believe system!
So you believe that your wife did you wrong (maybe she did), and stole years of your life (and again maybe she did) by screwing you over in your marriage, and taking you for granted, so you subconsciously believe she deserves the consequences of how she treated you in your marriage!
That's why you don't feel remorse or guilt!
The problem here is the type of the punishment you thought your wife deserved, it really boils down to your belief system (AKA values and morals)!

Do you believe that committing adultery is immoral?
If yes, then you probably wouldn't have cheated, and if you did, then that's a bad choice (not a mistake) you did, and you will feel guilt and remorse!

*Here is a scenario that might open your eyes:*
So now you have a women that you got her pregnant with your child while you were married, so you divorce your ex and you marry this woman, and after a couple of years you have your second child with her, life is good, after 10 years you discover that your second child is not yours, she cheated and slept with another man, many times, you are devastated and you world just collapsed!

You ask her, why she betrayed you when you are faithful and always good to her, she reminds you at that time you were very busy with work (you were for a brief time and it was out of your control) and didn't give her enough attention, it wasn't planed and she fell for a guy who made her feel good, gave her the attention she needed and he was an A-Star in bed, she tells you the guy used a condom, but half way through deed she pulls it off and asks him to cum in her, he tells her are you sure? She tells him he deserves her womb and she wanted him to plant his seed in her!

She looks at you with no remorse or guilt, and leaves the room, again, no remorse, no guilt, you are standing there shocked and speechless, yelling the words: are you serious, are you f**** crazy, don't you know what you did was wrong and immoral, how could you do this to me, I gave my life to you, why didn't you tell me, why didn't you leave?!!

She comes back and yells at you: STOP with your fake morals, YOU did the same, your x-wife didn't meet your needs, so you cheated with me and got me pregnant, same thing, you didn't meet my needs (attention) and I slept and got pregnant with someone else, why is it ok for you and not for me?! 
And she continues, you need to step up like a man and raise this other man child like a good cuckold!

And she is %100 right @bigwill313, you see how this works?!


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

There was a guy a while back posting about his wife who was a nice lady and they’d only had sex 3 times in 18 months. Markedly different responses… they also had no kids together. Now imagine if this was that guy, or if that guy finally moved on and found a loving woman and was having a baby.

But moving on from that, how come you’re not living with your new partner given she’s about to give birth? And I’m not sure if you’d answered, is the wedding happening soon, as in planned and booked etc?

It sounds like you feel no remorse and you didn’t really mention if she’d been suffering much since the divorce anyway? I’m assuming she moved on ok? You said she was a nice lady, and haven’t spoken much about how she reacted when it ended, so it’s hard to say yes or no to whether it’s normal in your particular situation to feel remorse.

Btw did you ever find out why she wasn’t into you sexually? I’d never force someone but I’d like to know why.

If you had cheating tendencies before or a generally wandering eye, it can be really off putting to a wife in that department. If you’re disrespected and dating a boy, you can switch off pretty quick.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

oldshirt said:


> Our own @dadstartingover has a recent podcast about exactly this about men in dead marriages falling for the first chick that touches their winkie.
> 
> When a guy is in a dead marriage, he can fall for the cashier at 7-11 that brushes up against his hand as she gives him back his change.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the mention! *Here's my podcast episode on the "Rebound Chick".*


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Some people have a weak conscience and will try and justify bad behaviour.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Some people have a weak conscience and will try and justify bad behaviour.


Or have no conscience at all!


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

bigwill313 said:


> I was married to my wife for 6 years. She was a good woman but the sex was non-existent. We had sex only when I initiated. We had sex at a good pace when we first got married but she just became less and less interested. She said it was her nature how she felt. I told her to get counseling with me but she refused. I wanted to have a baby together but I also knew that if we had a baby, I'd be forever stuck in a sexless marriage. If I never initiated, we never had sex. The last time me and my wife had sex was October 2019. Before that, it was February the same year. I wasn't even turned on by her anymore since I hated the sex. Besides that, she was a good woman. She had her quirks but I really loved and cared about her.
> 
> I met a woman in March 2021 and we clicked immediately. I started a sexual relationship with her. She was everything my wife wasn't and more. I made the decision to divorce my wife since I got the other woman pregnant this past October. She is due to have the baby in a couple weeks. I love this woman more than anything and we have plans to get married. My wife knows about the other woman but I have no idea how she knows. I don't know how she's been spying on me but she brought up several things about me seeing another woman. Our divorce became final this past March and we have gone our separate ways. No kids and no shared property so I didn't lose anything in the divorce.
> 
> ...


When you decide to marry a woman, you are choosing HER *to build your life with*, and you are supposed to take responsibility for her well-being and needs as her husband. But your mindset shows you have the capacity to be selfish and heartless, and you might not take your marital wows seriously.

You are contradicting yourself as well. You could have sex with your ex-wife each time you initiated, right? So what is wrong with this approach? Some women are shy and expect from their husband/partner to initiate sex; they feel loved/desired in this manner. Every woman is not like a porn-star in bedroom.

You seem to contend that your ex-wife's libido was in decline. Did you attempt to determine its cause? What about her birth control pills?









The Pill and Your Sex Drive


Sometimes, birth control pills can change your sex drive. Learn how you can get your mojo back on track.




www.webmd.com





Awareness on these lines is important. My wife does NOT takes birth control pills. She informed me that these pills can affect a woman's mood and libido. I did not knew about this earlier but I understood her concern.

The Other Woman (OW) - the one you decided to cheat on your ex-wife with, was NOT on birth control, right? This explains why she is pregnant with your child. This woman knew better. But her character and conduct is questionable on the other hand - she was OK with having an affair with a married man. A good woman would have waited for you to divorce your wife before accepting your advances. Can you trust this woman?

You have made terrible decisions:

1. You cheated on your ex-wife*.
2. You impregnated the OW**.

*_If this woman was not up to your expectations in bedroom, you could divorce her and move on_.

**_You are bringing a child into this world with this woman_.

You should take responsibility for your child - no _ifs_ and _buts _in this case. It is OK for you to marry the OW. This would be better for your child.

You are going through counseling which might be helpful, but why are you arguing with your counselor? Your excuses for cheating and disregarding your martial wows are LAME to be honest. You should learn to honor your "martial wows" - through *Thick* and *Thin*. You should strive to be a reliable/trustworthy person.

You should understand that women are "human beings." Medications can affect them; Child birth can affect them; Stress can affect them; Environment can affect them; Your behavior [towards them] can affect them.

And what about the OW? Is she considering counseling as well?


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## jenny_1 (7 mo ago)

bigwill313 said:


> I made the decision to divorce my wife since I got the other woman pregnant this past October.


Just wow.


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## Imnobodynew (Feb 11, 2016)

How can you love and not care?<<------- this baffles me. Self-centered people are incapable of loving people deeply. That should be your biggest fear; Of having such low self-esteem that you cant empathize and love people selflessly. A large part of remorse comes from empathy. That's terrifying. Almost sociopathic. 

That means you never connect with someone on a deep enough level to love. They can connect with you but you will be unable to. Sex is a shallow connection as compared to Love. From your splurge that's what popped out at me.


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## Killi (May 12, 2021)

You did the right thing by divorcing at least.....


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## thissucks7788 (10 mo ago)

bobert said:


> Or, hear me out here... You could have divorced her first 🤯
> 
> Shocker, I know.
> 
> Instead, you only divorced her because you forgot to wrap it.


This! It's okay not to be happy and leave your wife, but to do this while you are married really sucks. If the sex life situation was a deal breaker for you, you should have discussed it with your wife and then taken the appropriate action. You don't sniff around other women and get them pregnant. I truly think cheaters don't understand how hurtful this is until it happens to them. This "great young woman" slept with a married man which makes her morals extremely questionable. Sounds to me like you are just trying to justify your behavior.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

What happens outside of the bedroom effects what happens inside the bedroom. In a few years I think you will see the cycle will repeat and again you will blame it on your wife. You will be convinced that the only sure way to guarantee you don't have sex is to get married and you will make all kinds of jokes of this nature without ever reflecting what either wife needed from you. Not feeling any sense of guilt for cheating and then leaving your wife shows narcissistic tendencies. Narcissists have no regard for others, it is about them and what they can get for themselves.


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## Lynnevicious (Apr 25, 2021)

I dunno if this is allowed but… look at this similar thread. 
-Username = adjective + noun + 3 numbers. 
-Same ‘hero’, 3 figure job
-no empathy
Maybe he’s in a sexless marriage and he’s role playing and fantasizing and validating?
Similar writing style. 
Op, what do you think about this similar thread?










Is it normal to cheat and not feel remorse? Need second...


I was married to my wife for 6 years. She was a good woman but the sex was non-existent. We had sex only when I initiated. We had sex at a good pace when we first got married but she just became less and less interested. She said it was her nature how she felt. I told her to get counseling with...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


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## Jakobs (6 mo ago)

bigwill313 said:


> I was married to my wife for 6 years. She was a good woman but the sex was non-existent. We had sex only when I initiated. We had sex at a good pace when we first got married but she just became less and less interested. She said it was her nature how she felt. I told her to get counseling with me but she refused. I wanted to have a baby together but I also knew that if we had a baby, I'd be forever stuck in a sexless marriage. If I never initiated, we never had sex. The last time me and my wife had sex was October 2019. Before that, it was February the same year. I wasn't even turned on by her anymore since I hated the sex. Besides that, she was a good woman. She had her quirks but I really loved and cared about her.
> 
> I met a woman in March 2021 and we clicked immediately. I started a sexual relationship with her. She was everything my wife wasn't and more. I made the decision to divorce my wife since I got the other woman pregnant this past October. She is due to have the baby in a couple weeks. I love this woman more than anything and we have plans to get married. My wife knows about the other woman but I have no idea how she knows. I don't know how she's been spying on me but she brought up several things about me seeing another woman. Our divorce became final this past March and we have gone our separate ways. No kids and no shared property so I didn't lose anything in the divorce.
> 
> ...


Well, no kids and she, technically, gave up on the relationship in the manner most used by females: giving up on the sex (which is another way of neutering the male by the way, rendering useless the parts solely used for procreation). So, in essence, you were given _carte blanche_ to leave the marriage (the divorce was a last administrative step) as far as I'm concerned.

The part that gets me is this: "_My wife knows about the other woman but I have no idea how she knows._" Really? So, you think your wife withholding sex from you was a completely natural, random and isolated event? You don't think she meant to withhold the sex from you to get something out of you or get you to do something for her? I tell you how this probably went down: She probably wanted something from you. Since she couldn't get it, she probably went to her friends and they told her what they usually do, which is to withhold sex. Things deteriorated because she was getting a kick out of seeing you "yelling at stop signs" from not getting any sex (funny to her but I bet mighty upsetting to you, I know, I know). Eventually, as is always the case with females, the _vagege_ dries up and so does the sex. At that point, for her, going to seek medical attention was a must. Since she refused, she made the decision for you.

Eventually, her reptilian brain took over and took command of the situation from her passive-aggressive side, at which point she realized how far down the rabbit hole she was and was most likely the moment she realized she had to start snooping on you because that's also (probably) the moment she fully came to terms with the magnitude of the situation she had created. So yes, she was snooping on you and yes, she knew you were seeing other ladies. Not because you're a dirty mofo, because she pushed you into that corner.

Believe me, she is WELL AWARE of what she did. Now, don't expect her to take ANY accountability for her actions. It's not the nature of the beast.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Imnobodynew said:


> You have no or low moral character and poor values. Your moral character would let you know to feel remorse and your values would have told you to leave first


Flip it. The moral integrity would have prevented him from cheating first before divorce. Empathy for his wife was over shadowed by the actions of the wife, creating deep resentment. He could not feel remorse for hurting her because he was being hurt by her and probably saw it as turn about being fair play.

When I was in his situation, it was about me not letting myself down, by violating my own moral values. 

He has justified it in his mind due to her treatment of him with her withholding of intimacy. Kinda the same way I would have no remorse for whipping some guys azz for assaulting my wife or child. 

@ bigwill313 
You should hould have divorced first. You also let yourself down by not maintaining moral integrity.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Junebug86 said:


> I’m sure your wife was hurt, felt betrayed and was humiliated.


Same as he did from her actions, but again 2 wrongs do not make a right. 
Had he imposed the consequences of her actions(divorce) he would have been in the right. See how that goes @bigwill313.


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## hplove (Jan 19, 2021)

Most people will regret the final outcome, but not the cheating itself.


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