# Feel diminished by husband



## WestWillow (Mar 22, 2010)

We have been together over two years. When he is stressed, the way he speaks to me is diminishing to my spirit. When he makes certain statements that make me feel sad, or bad, he tells me I am overreacting, and am ruining the moment. I can't help it! I feel uspet. Later, when I tell him how I feel, that I resent the way he talks to me, he acts aggressively, won't look at me, and makes me feel like I am trying to start a fight. I just want to be heard and want my feelings to be justified. I know that I'm not crazy! This has been happening since the relationship began. It will be great for a few weeks, then something happens, to piss him off, and he says things to me that crush my soul. He has never called me names, but yells obsenities to my face. The next day will apologize (sometimes I think to appease me) and says he is working on his anger, but it keeps happening again and again. Usually always acts like I am overreacting. I don't know how much longer I can handle the emotional rollercoaster. I need help. How do I deal with this????


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He has no right to tell YOU how you can feel. You just feel. Start telling him that every time he minimizes your feelings. And if he continues, tell him that you will leave the room every time it happens. Then DO leave the room.

If he follows you, leave the house. You may have to keep your car keys in your pocket. Basically, you have to 'train' him that you are to be respected.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Sounds like he needs a bit of anger management. He obviously doesn't handle stress well and you know what they say..."Familiarity breeds contempt"...so you are his target. This is basically classic emotional abuse/bullying and shouldn't be tolerated. 

My husband would do similar things when we would disagree. We'd say some pretty nasty things and call each other names. I think it's ok and natural for us to disagree and even yell (though I don't like yelling) but the name calling/cursing isn't. Basically, just don't put up with it and leave the room when things get too intense. Hopefully he'll get the idea. My husband and I still disagree and occasionally yell at each other but at least we don't scream obscenities and look to demean each other constantly. Also, you might want to look into some anger management groups and when he's saying he's sorry gently tell him that he might want to look into attending one. You could even go together. Good luck!


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## WestWillow (Mar 22, 2010)

Thank you so much for your responses. That's one thing I have a really hard time with, "walking away." I feel the need to stick up for myself or defend myself against his accusations. Something I need to work on!!! Thanks again!!


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## McGraw (Mar 2, 2009)

Well, I may sound like I'm being harsh here, so I'll apologize first. What I am seeing here is that its OK for a man to belittle and disrespect his wife, even scream at her..the reason I say this is, I'm reading 'coping' techniques that DON'T work. I have done this, thats how I know. We women tend to just 'walk away' or 'take a drive and cool off', or 'ignore him' as punishment. We may even try to 'stand up for ourselves'---OMG--HOW DARE US, to do that!!! This is horsesh*t. The problem is NOT going to go away, HE needs to stop his behavior, he needs to be held accountable for his actions. YOU are not the problem. I lived like this for 14+++years, and trust me, its not worth it. If he doesn't want to change, or worse, doesn't even think he has a problem, then the best thing you can do is get counseling for YOURSELF--to get strong, and figure out where your life is going---is this really how you want to live?


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## WestWillow (Mar 22, 2010)

McGraw,

Thank you so much for your honesty, and I do agree with you. I'm sorry you had to live with abuse for so long. It totally seems like a cycle. Things will be wonderful for a few weeks, and I "forget," about the bad. Then the Shi* hits the fan for something very small it seems like. I have actually looked at other apartments before, to remove myself from the situation. It's definitely an emotional rollercoaster...it goes from great!( Dr. Jekyll), to really horrible, (Mr. Hyde). He knows he has a problem and has admitted it before and says he wants to work on it, but I've told him that it makes me want to leave. I know I don't want to live the rest of my life like this, if "that," is going to happen the rest of my life, but it's just seems so hard to leave. How did you do it????? And if you don't mind me asking, do you still have a relationship with this person?


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## del88 (Mar 24, 2010)

You have to sit down with him and get him to truly listen and validate your feelings. Make sure he understand that it's his behavior that is making you feel the way you do. It may be hard for him to accept at first, so give him time and see if you start to see some changes.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

If he recognized his problem and if he is willing to seek counseling than he might have chance to change
but if he puts the blame on you or everything around him for his behavior than he would never change
I have been 28 years in an emotionally abusive marriage he never admitted that he might do anything wrong he was blaming me, blaming people, the circumstances and even God for all his failures or everything wrong happening in his life and he never accepted to seek counseling he wanted me to go by myself and fix myself than as he said everything will be ok 
when he cooled down he was always so sweet so loving and caring to a point i blame myself that i might did something that made him angry and i should always do something to avoid upsetting him than i forget what happened and forgive him
When for some reason while he is relaxed i try to discuss any issue he becomes angry again and blames me for ruining the happy time 

So be aware and try to seek marriage counselor before it is too late


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## jitterbug (Feb 13, 2010)

I'm very sorry you're experiencing this type of treatment.

It's never, right on any level.

I found a blog that may be helpful to you. i wish you my best.

Freedom from emotional,verbal, and physical abuse.

Please don't allow this to continue.Verbal and emotional abuse can be very insidious.It can wear a person down to the point where they're too defeated to fight back.It can erode self-esteem, and cripple it, if left unchecked.


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