# Coping with the finality of my marriage



## lady323 (Nov 12, 2010)

Yesterday was D day and one of the worst days in my life. We went to court for the finalization of the paperwork. The judge granted us the divorce but said it would be signed in 30 days and then finalized in 90 days. I am not sure why he indicated waiting the 30 days as the case before us he granted it as of that day and then waiting for 90 days.

Either way, it is still sad and heart wrenching to see my marriage be over so quickly. I know in the long run it is for the best but I just keep thinking I am 53 and I will be growing old by myself and it's not at all what I envisioned.

I guess I am just giving myself a pity party but again when I think about being by myself it gets to me. I suppose I can always get more cats but for right now I am just feeling upset and crying thinking about what could have been......

Thanks for listening.


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## nicky3791 (Jan 21, 2013)

Im so sorry for your divorce. How long were you married? 

You never know what will happen in the future...you may not be alone at all. Try not to project negatively into the future. (I know, easier said than done) There are alot of people out there who are in the same kind of situation! You are now free to explore dating sites, meetup groups in hobbies that you like..there is a world of people out there...I hope you will be able to connect with some of them.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Don't become a crazy cat lady! It's not worth it.

I'm sorry you're going through all this. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it really WILL get better. Let yourself cry as much as you need to right now. Eventually, the tears will stop. But while you're crying, remember to do things to take care of you. What makes you happy? Are there things or activities you had to give up during your marriage? Find - and do - other things that make you happy, and spend time with people who make you happy. It will remind you that there is more to life and more to YOU than your marriage. You are not your marriage, and you are not defined by this period in your life. You are SO much more than that, but we sometimes forget in times such as these.

Take care.

*hugs*


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## nicky3791 (Jan 21, 2013)

Hey! Another Wonder Woman fan! :smthumbup:


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

nicky3791 said:


> Hey! Another Wonder Woman fan! :smthumbup:


Yeah! We have a super hero avatar club, welcome to the club!

EDIT: Well, it's not really a club, it's just me and two other people. And now you


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

lady323 said:


> Yesterday was D day and one of the worst days in my life. We went to court for the finalization of the paperwork. The judge granted us the divorce but said it would be signed in 30 days and then finalized in 90 days. I am not sure why he indicated waiting the 30 days as the case before us he granted it as of that day and then waiting for 90 days.
> 
> Either way, it is still sad and heart wrenching to see my marriage be over so quickly. I know in the long run it is for the best but I just keep thinking I am 53 and I will be growing old by myself and it's not at all what I envisioned.
> 
> ...


I am so sorry you are here and going through this. I know it feels like you will not have a future but you will. I have learned on here that you have to make that future happen. I am guilty of not getting out there and making it happen, but you can certaintly find love again, if that is what you want. There are great groups in churches, events and even common interest groups that would put you in a great place to meet new people. Please hang in there and know that you will be okay!


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

lady323 said:


> Yesterday was D day and one of the worst days in my life. We went to court for the finalization of the paperwork. The judge granted us the divorce but said it would be signed in 30 days and then finalized in 90 days. I am not sure why he indicated waiting the 30 days as the case before us he granted it as of that day and then waiting for 90 days.
> 
> Either way, it is still sad and heart wrenching to see my marriage be over so quickly. I know in the long run it is for the best but I just keep thinking I am 53 and I will be growing old by myself and it's not at all what I envisioned.
> 
> ...


Do not look at it in that way at all. Look at it as the beginning on the next half of your life. 

Instead of thinking about what could have been, think of what can now be.

I worry myself sometimes that I won't have someone to grow old with but somewhere deep down inside I know it's not true, it's just me overthinking things.

I can smile and get attention. I have made so many friends here. Made new friends in everyday life. I 've connected with old friends. I know how to talk to people, even guys lol. I'm getting better and more comfortable every day with it.

So will you. You need to give it time, it's too soon yet. Do small things to start. When you feel ready give it a shot, just smile at people. I started an entire conversation with a guy waiting on line at my bank. 

You will be fine. Just hang in there. Right now, worry about healing yourself. 

Btw- I just turned 45 and am coming out of an almost 25 yr marriage.


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## Incognitoisme2013 (Nov 4, 2013)

I'm so sorry. This sucks. I'm not really in a position to give advice since I've only been separated about two weeks and still half way in shock that a divorce is impending. You're only a little bit older than me (I'm 47) and I feel those same things about growing older by myself. Nikki had great advice about not projecting negatively into the future. You say you never envisioned you'd be where you're at now, so it makes sense that you shouldn't envision where you'll be at in a year or two or three . . .

In my endless surfing of trying to find ways to cope with the gut-wrenching agony I'm feeling, I came across a comment to an article about divorce. It's been very meaningful to me. The part about acceptance has seemed to help. Again, these aren't my words, but some comment from another site:

". . . there is no way to rid yourself of the intense and often terrible emotions that demote you to a miserable pit of self pity and worthlessness, so I shall learn them, learn how they make me feel. There is no getting away from it and bottling it up with only prolong the agony . . . no good will come from being an undignified emotional mess . . . Acceptance of the outcome, and truly believing it's over has also helped . . . I've made a conscious decision to break up with her in my mind. 

Give yourself a pity party. It's okay. You've been through a world of hurt. But just like any party, at some point it has to end and you go on with your life. Hang in there.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

It takes time to fully recover, but you will get there.
I am on almost three months of separation, have begun thinking about filing for divorce. Trust me, I always envisioned myself married or a crazy cat lady HAHA!!! I kinda want a lot of cats and since I am getting old, being a crazy cat lady wont be too bad , As it is I will not longer be married.
Of course I have thought about living the rest of my life alone, I am not afraid of that. I rather be alone than with someone who did not respected our marriage vows and made me feel so insignificant and insecure.

I also have a friend who divorce a while ago, after her divorce she was very very sad and depressed because the ex husband was the love of her life. Well, now she is remarried and has a beautiful baby girl.

Her story keeps me strong, it gives me hope. 
Perhaps that could be me.
Just know that you are not alone, we are here for you!
Stay strong and stay positive!
Hugs to you


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