# alternative lifestyle - 3 in a bed??



## mid40man (Apr 28, 2014)

Help guys, we are a couple him (me) 47 and she 46. We have been married 25 years and even before we got married, we have both got off during sex with her telling me about things shed done with other guys. This was all made up ass she was a virgin when we met. 

We always do this when we make out and recently, I aid your gonna do it, she said OK. I asked her id wanted a lady, she said no, so I asked what kind of guy she wanted and the answer was young and well, big... We made really exciting love, which continued when we woke up and I saiid again, I was going to make it happen. this just made her more excited and I am now thinking, should we just go for it.

We really love each other.... ned some advice guys


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What do you want advice for?

Are you asking for permission to bring someone into your bedroom?

You are adults. If you want to involved third and fourth parties into your marital bed, that is your decision.


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## mid40man (Apr 28, 2014)

looking for experiences good or bad, from people who actually done this, rather than opinions of people who haven't


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh because your first post says you are looking for "advice."

So I gave you some. If you want to do it, do it.

It's your life.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

This really isn't the forum for discussing things like that. You'll want a swingers forum. 

My SO and I have had threesomes before. My advice is that some things are much better left as fantasy. The reality (after the fact) can be irreversible. 

FWIW, I don't think I'd go for her picking someone "young and hung". You'll likely spend a LONG LONG time getting past the fact that he did things for her that you can't do. A lot of it would just be the erotic situation, but you may always question your own abilities to rock her world. 

C


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## mid40man (Apr 28, 2014)

Thanks for the feedback. Issue on a swing site is they will all be do it just do it. I would like a balanced view


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The nitpicker in me:



mid40man said:


> Issue on a swing site is they will all be do it just do it.* I would like a balanced view*





mid40man said:


> looking for experiences good or bad, from people who actually done this,* rather than opinions of people who haven't*




Ok. I am leaving now.


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

as has been said, you are adults...you can do what your are comfortable with. i'd say both of you would have to be strong and comfortable with your relationship. you would have to be able to make a huge distinction between love and sex.

as a part of your fantasy play for so long, i would lay it out to her and found out if she is truly serious....she may still be playing along.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Think this through carefully, especially all the various scenarios and things that can go wrong, such as jealousy during or after, regret during or after, possibly changing how you each see or feel about each other, etc.

And do you expect reciprocity if you do MFM? I.e., FMF? If not, what do you really get out of this? Maybe it's just about her excitement and pleasure, or perhaps a cuckold fetish for you, or something else? If you want reciprocity, is she okay with that and will she help find someone to make it happen for you?

We've done FMF, MFM, and I've been the extra man in several threesomes. They've all been fun, and there were no problems during or after for anyone - I've know those involved for years afterwards. However, I've occasionally heard of problems, and some people on this site have heard of people who've had problems afterwards, so there is some risk - the question is, is the risk worth the reward in YOUR situation?


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Here we go again.....one of the most popular subjects.....

Real simple, if you're willing to risk 25 years of marriage, then go for it. It's one of those life-changing decisions. Whether it's good or bad for you, that's the unknown. (I'm thinking it's not gonna be bad for you) But your marriage will change, that's for sure.


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## mid40man (Apr 28, 2014)

Thanks for the feedback guys. This time, she sounded like it was a **YES**, lets do it


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Fantasy threesomes and a real live third person in your bed are two VERY different animals.

It sounds exciting to you now, but it will change your marriage dynamic forever.

Do it if you like, but go into it with your eyes wide open.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

mid40man said:


> Thanks for the feedback. *Issue on a swing site is they will all be do it just do it. *I would like a balanced view


You may find that not to be the case at all. They aren't all going to simply be cheerleaders. You may be able to get some very good real-life-experience information about that lifestyle. You need to research the risks, rewards, and potential pitfalls of your plan. People who have done this will be a great source for that, and many will even tell you if you don't come across to them as someone for whom this plan will end well.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

PBear said:


> The reality (after the fact) can be irreversible.


I think that is the key here. This is one of those things that can't be 'undone' so you better be damn sure before you do it.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Welcome to TAM mid40man!!!

I would advise against it. I feel the fantasy would remain hotter just btwn the two of you.

Hubs and I read the Penthouse forum stories together and insert our names in them. It gives us that fantasy outlet while staying faithful to each other. Maybe you both could watch porn with a "young and hung" guy in it and that could fulfill the fantasy also

Be careful though friend!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

mid40man said:


> Thanks for the feedback. Issue on a swing site is they will all be do it just do it. I would like a balanced view


This will get the conversation started and cover some of the possible pitfalls
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships: Tristan Taormino: 9781573442954: Amazon.com: Books


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

mid40man said:


> Thanks for the feedback. _Issue on a swing site is they will all be do it just do it_. I would like a balanced view


Looking for a single man without a woman attached is where you will find the most availability. There are TONS. But you are right, they are not going to care a hoot about your marriage. After all, it really is none of their business.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Stay in fantasy land or 99% chance you will soon visit in Divorce land


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## scientia (Aug 27, 2012)

mid40man said:


> I was going to make it happen. this just made her more excited and I am now thinking, should we just go for it.
> 
> We really love each other.... ned some advice guys


I don't know why people make this so complicated. I can give you some real advice if that is what you want.

The topic of threesomes or swapping has nothing to do with:

Being an adult.
Being daring.
Making a fantasy come true.
Improving your marriage.
Reinvigorating your sex life.
Having sex with someone else works when you have companionate love. This is where the two of you are good friends and get along well. The two of you have commitment but you don't really have strong physical attraction to each other. Absent, the strong, physical desire, the two parties might go outside the marriage to have these needs met elsewhere. There are couples who do this.

If the two of you _do not_ have strong physical desire for each other _but are_ good friends then this can be low risk from an emotional point of view. You would be getting something that you don't have now. However, this would be suspect in your case because you said that she wants to have sex with another man but does not want you to have sex with another woman. That doesn't sound low risk to me; it sounds more like she does desire you and would be jealous seeing you have sex with someone else.

Do you really want to see your wife having sex with another man? And, would you be prepared if your wife has more desire for another man than she has for you? Also, if she does seem to be really enjoying herself, wouldn't you insist on bringing in another woman? Having your partner's desire for you replaced with desire for someone else is not a good idea (its on par with juggling the burning pieces of charcoal from your grill). If you are only trying to perk up your sex life, there are other ways of doing that.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

nope sorry .....

I am not finding a young virile well hung man, who makes my wife sexually excited, for my wife to bang.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Why do I always get the troll vibe from these guys who come here asking this question?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

mid40man said:


> Help guys, we are a couple him (me) 47 and she 46. We have been married 25 years and even before we got married, we have both got off during sex with her telling me about things shed done with other guys. This was all made up ass she was a virgin when we met.
> 
> We always do this when we make out and recently, I aid your gonna do it, she said OK. I asked her id wanted a lady, she said no, so I asked what kind of guy she wanted and the answer was young and well, big... We made really exciting love, which continued when we woke up and I saiid again, I was going to make it happen. this just made her more excited and I am now thinking, should we just go for it.
> 
> We really love each other.... ned some advice guys


I suggest you not do this unless you are into the cuckold lifestyle and are looking for a bull to plow your wife.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Why do I always get the troll vibe from these guys who come here asking this question?


:rofl: Becasue you know you will be right 80% of the time. If not more.


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## mid40man (Apr 28, 2014)

Fast forward a few months, we did it and she loves it. (As do I) 

Best thing we ever did


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

mid40man said:


> Fast forward a few months, we did it and she loves it. (As do I)
> 
> Best thing we ever did


I'm glad you had a good experience. Keep talking and checking in with each other if you continue, as assumptions and complacency could otherwise lead to problems. Eventually, one of you may want a break or even to stop - listen and respect that. Or you may go on for years.


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## mid40man (Apr 28, 2014)

We've had a handful if guys inc one guy for ten nights on holiday. I got him tested and this allowed for a more relaxed environment, without the need for protection. 

Were stronger now than ever, and I thought we were bombproof before


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

So mid40man, did we read that correctly that your wife is not on board with you bringing in another woman? Is that still true? If so, how do you feel about that?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

scientia said:


> I don't know why people make this so complicated. I can give you some real advice if that is what you want.
> 
> The topic of threesomes or swapping has nothing to do with:
> 
> ...


Many of the problems on TAM are created from inbalances when we care too much about someone and not getting enough in return.

For her feeling that she would take on the guy, but not want to see or know you where with another woman... I think if you guys went this direction, those feelings of jealousy by her will be needed to balance things out.

So if you do go about this, you need some rules, but one of the rules is that if she can take on a man you can take on a woman, and you should.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

firebelly1 said:


> So mid40man, did we read that correctly that your wife is not on board with you bringing in another woman? Is that still true? If so, how do you feel about that?


I hear these cuckold stories all the time, but have a hard time believing them. It is fully sexually satisfying for you to watch another man do your wife, but you are denied getting another girl for yourself? You are really ok with that?


I could see a case for such an arrangement, like you had a bad operation...your penis no longer works, and you want to set up sexual hook ups for your wife. although that is even stretching it a little.

But you have a working penis, but sit and watch instead?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

mid40man said:


> Were stronger now than ever, and I thought we were bombproof before


This is an important statement to others.
So often a couple will try this when there marriage is not as healthy as a bombproof one, and they sometimes try this and one of the spouses ends up with the 3rd partner.

bringing a third party in to a weak marriage is asking for trouple, but with a solid marriage it can work.

Now it's time for me to be judgmental...
I was never one to share and I couldn't risk some POS steeling here away.I think it opens a door for deceit when one of the spouses wants the 3rd person more then their spouse.

Please don't take this as an insult,,,are you bi or do you just like to watch?
The reason I ask is if it's a bi situation ...then either one of you could run off with the 3rd person.


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## mid40man (Apr 28, 2014)

I'll answer some questions below

No I'm not bi

Yes I do join in

I simply don't have the notion for another lady. My wife is enough for me (before you say I'm not enough for her, stop. She said we can stop whenever, and we are in fact slowing down for a bit for just us time)

We were strong before, but closer even still. The sex between us has improved upon what was already good


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

PBear said:


> FWIW, I don't think I'd go for her picking someone "young and hung". You'll likely spend a LONG LONG time getting past the fact that he did things for her that you can't do. A lot of it would just be the erotic situation, but you may always question your own abilities to rock her world.
> 
> C


that is an excellent idea Get her a 92 year old geezer. She will think you are a sex god after THAT.


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## Kerosene Hat (Nov 12, 2013)

Heheh, I wonder how many replies here have been from those with actual experience. Once you open Pandora's box, it won't be closed...if you have the right partner, then more power to you. 

I'll tell you this, though...for me and my (former) marriage, introducing others was fun, but not at all constructive. FWIW, my IC says that 90%+ of the couples she sees that introduce others to the mix in the bedroom end up in divorce. YMMV, of course, and if so, more power to you, as I said. However...

It's my belief that some things are best left to the imagination. There's a LOT to do with a single partner...if they are loving, adventurous and open minded, then you have a great partner...talk it out...play "pretend", role play, cosplay, domplay, whatever gets you going. If she wants "more", then you can use devices or "augmenters" to get things moving in that direction. 

Ultimately, it will come down to the STRENGTH of YOUR relationship...will she want YOU, or some "young, big stud"? Will she know when fantasy/realization stops and when real life begins? Not always...and sometimes, the facts of the matter don't matter. 

Keep your eyes WIDE OPEN, not WIDE SHUT. Be careful. There's a lot that can be done with a couple in a bedroom/car/kitchen/hotel/alley/airplane/etc...inviting in a 3rd, especially a man who doesn't give a **** about your marriage is, IMHO, PLAYING WITH FIRE. Fun, but do so with caution and AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

$0.02 from a "been there, done that" perspective. 

later.


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## Buildingblocks (Apr 22, 2012)

To each his own i guess.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Geesh I can only keep track of one at a time let alone throw someone else into the mix.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

My ex and I toyed with this idea...we'd been married for a long time and sex was non existant, wanted to spice things up...she wanted me to watch her do a younger black man...not join in...but she did NOT want to watch me do another woman...so it never went beyond fantasy talk

suddenly our sex life improved and we were rabbits again, then I discovered she decided to go ahead with her fantasy without me...divorce...

When I was in my early 20's I was the other guy with an older couple...he would watch and she would take care of him after I left...it was hot, she seemed to really bust her nut, he didnt seem jealous at all...didnt seem to cause any problems, but they were very sexual with each other...they were the right couple for this

I have a friend who did this, he joined in as she wanted 2 guys at once...she went off and started banging other guy and HIS friends, but wouldnt even entertain the idea of another woman...they are still married but he is a true cuckold...and he is a miserable jealous wreck...all he thinks about is her with these other dudes...they are late 40's with kids...not what he pictured for himself at 48..wishes he NEVER did that with her

it depends on the couple...imo if your gonna swing, why get married...just find a swing partner and stay single


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

The problem will be if you change your mind and she doesnt. Whoops!


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Mid, 

in my previous incarnations, before becoming a loving husband and dad, i was the third wheel in threesome....and i will tell you that it can go wrong REALLY REALLY fast...yeah i get your excited and you think that it will be like watching a live porn...but it you and your wife do not have the rules down it can go horribly wrong and i have seen it first hand. Some things should stay as a fantasy unless you have completely talked this out...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Wow....

I...just don't know what to say.


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