# My husband was not sincere, I got tricked:(



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

He took me out tonight to get a show of praises for working on our marriage publicly and then 4 minutes into my 40th birthday he mocked me unprovoked, out of nowhere, I was having a great time and was smiling and finally letting my guard down that he was sincere in hiss effort. Then, 3 minutes later he flat out insulted me and then justified why he did it, then went upstairs. I was freezing by the time I crawled into bed and put my body next to his to warm up and he kicked me and pushed his hand into my throat. WTH? Im stumped again.:scratchhead:

It was all a ploy, I feel really stupid and confused and hurt/sad.


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## Suckerpunched (Jan 27, 2011)

I am so sorry that you are going through this.....
But he laid his hands on you! Abuse is never ok.
Get out and don't look back. You deserve to be safe....and in a healthy relationship.


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## sweetpea (Jan 30, 2007)

Kicking you and laying a hand on your throat is never acceptable and is domestic abuse. Have you and your counselor discussed a safety plan? Your number one priority is the safety of your children and you. I realize the abuse is not life threatening at this moment but you don't know what will happen the next time. I looked over your other threads and noticed this is not the first time of abuse. 

1.800.799.SAFE (7233) is the number of for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Please call them! I am not sure if your husband is monitoring you activities but there is ways to work with the them without him finding out. Here is the website -
Safety Planning « National Domestic Violence Hotline

Please keep posting and we are here to help and provide support.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

That sounds awful 
you are 40 years young. Give yourself the birthday gift of freedom from him already.
I'm sorry he was manipulative and hurtful to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Woman, leave. Just leave. Nothing else to be said. Any man that hits a woman without any reasonable cause is a bad man in my book. I always tell my gf that if I ever hit her, she doesn't need to leave. I'll pack my bags and go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Irish1985 (Jan 28, 2011)

Wow, as a man I need an address, a phone number and a physical description. If anyone asks he fell down some stairs. No matter how mad I may get at my wife, No matter how frustrated, i would never lay a hand on her. I elbowed her once in my sleep and felt terrible. Kick that sh** bag in the head. It is never ok to do that.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

On some level, you are getting something out of this, toolate.

I am not sure what, but you mentioned the sex is great with him before at this forum. . .is there another thing that you are getting out of this in addition to great sex?

I think you need to come to terms with what you are getting out of this and then explore if what you are getting out of this can be replaced by another man in your life, or perhaps you don't really need a man.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

So sorry...


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## Whatshisname (Jan 12, 2011)

Sorry here too..

He doesn't respect you and has a cruel streak a mile long. 
Get out, take what you can (money, etc) and get help as described above.

Peace,
WHN


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

toolate said:


> He took me out tonight to get a show of praises for working on our marriage publicly and then 4 minutes into my 40th birthday he mocked me unprovoked, out of nowhere, I was having a great time and was smiling and finally letting my guard down that he was sincere in hiss effort. Then, 3 minutes later he flat out insulted me and then justified why he did it, then went upstairs. I was freezing by the time I crawled into bed and put my body next to his to warm up and he kicked me and pushed his hand into my throat. WTH? Im stumped again.:scratchhead:
> 
> It was all a ploy, I feel really stupid and confused and hurt/sad.


Guess I need to read the rest of your threads to thoroughly understand what is going on.

But from this one, yeah, it sounds like he set you up and good! What a cruel streak. My husband has done some pretty rotten things, but I don't think he's smart enough to actually plan this....

As far as the kick me and pushed his hand into my throat? What the hell was that for? Has he been physically abusive to you in the past? I would be more concerned about this than anything.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Thanks for the encouragement to leave and Scanner, you are curious what I get out of this. I am stuck here, period, until we sell the house and I get my money out or he decides to buy me out. ALL of my money, and its alot is in the house. I cant even take out a line of credit without his signature (bc even though I put the money down, we are both on the title). Blind faith. So, bc I cant leave I continually try to improve myself and make me happy in any way I can, especially when he is having one of his tantrums. All in all, this is beneficial in that I am growing stronger and more self aware and dont take the bs. I will leave when I can, and until then I will glean from this marriage what I can.

I posted the original thread right after it happened and I was still in shock. You will be happy to hear that after the morning celebration with my family I came home, took myself to bed to make up for lost sleep and when he came to wake me up for the surprise he had planned (acting like he hadnt done anything wrong) I said that I wasnt going. He flipped and had a tantrum and instead of going back to bed I was motivated to go out with friends instead. SO I met up with some friends and had a great time. All I wanted to hear from him in order to go to the surprise he had planned was that he really shouldnt have said those things to me, no good could come of them. 

The kicking was like a child kicking in a tantrum, I dont think abuse, but it was unnecessary and childish. He wasnt trying to hurt me, he simply lacks any self control or moral values with regard to how he treats women other than his pristine mother.. whom he worships and holds higher than his wife. Im an object to him and I know I will be as long as I allow it to be that way. 

He also uses this divorce crap as a threat. He took back as soon as he apologized for what he had said... nothing he does bothers me anymore (at least in front of him, I will not let him know it bothers me anymore bc he is a bully and when you react to a bully, he keeps bullying). I would love to take the advice from one of you and knock his lights out next time he touches me like that, but HE would call the police on me... 

I wont go with him anymore to the local pub... its no longer our hangout, its my hangout. Im keeping a life for myself while wading through this and hoping he grows up, but not holding my breath.

So what do I getout of it... the thing I didnt get married for... security. That wasnt even a consideration when I married him, but now that everything else is so lacking, it has become the only reason I can see as to why its worth it to stay. Its not about money bc he doesnt buy me things... its so I can remain available to my kids and volunteer at school like I love to do. My kids are my priority, so Im thankful for the opportunity that I have to be there for them. Its the rest I didnt sign up for.

There is already a line of people who want to smack him and make him realize a man (especially one who is twice the size of his wife and can bench press 2 of me) never physically hurts a woman. Walk away, punch a wall somewhere... but never hit a woman. he doesnt get that.


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

I don't know how you can stay and make excuses to stay (the house, yada yada). So what if he beats the crap out of you one day? Will you make the same excuses? J/w.

I know you said it was that of a child kick but that's making excuses. And the verbal stuff? That's just as bad.


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## coops (Jan 24, 2011)

toolate said:


> I am stuck here, period, until we sell the house and I get my money out or he decides to buy me out. ALL of my money, and its alot is in the house. I cant even take out a line of credit without his signature (bc even though I put the money down, we are both on the title).


Around age 20, my parents kicked me out of the house. They came to me on a Tuesday and told me I had till Sunday to make alternate arrangements. I had no job at the time. I asked a few friends to let me stay at their place for a few days each. I busted my butt to find any job that would take me quickly to get me started. When I had my first pay check I found a room to rent. A few months later I moved to a better job and got my own apartment... yada yada. The point is if you really wanted to do it, you could. 

What you're really saying is "I like my standard of living and this isn't bad enough to leave and lower it. Only when I can both leave and maintain this level of comfort, I will."

I hate to be insensitive but own up to the fact you're choosing to stay where you are and making no effort to change it. You are not stuck, you choose it.


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