# S/O GNO



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

After the heated GNO threads, I have a question. If you’re married and opposed to GNO, does any of your opinion have to do with the possibility that perhaps you were either single or married and had a fling with a married wonan? Lots of “women can’t control themselves around men”. So being a man, did you engage in what you’re railing about women doing? Because I’m not hideous, but I still never banged a stranger at GNO nor do I know anyone who did. It’s insulting to here if a woman has a conversation with a man hormones kick in and they can’t resist. What the actual? Sick of the @ man just has to look at her and she’s in the sack” crap.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

snowbum said:


> After the heated GNO threads, I have a question. If you’re married and opposed to GNO, does any of your opinion have to do with the possibility that perhaps you were either single or married and had a fling with a married wonan? Lots of “women can’t control themselves around men”. So being a man, did you engage in what you’re railing about women doing? Because I’m not hideous, but I still never banged a stranger at GNO nor do I know anyone who did.


Did someone actually post that? Or is it your interpretation of what's being said?


Ok.... here's the post the OP is talking about..... 



Gabriel said:


> Many women can't resist the dopamine that male attention provides. That drug will make them do things that provide more of said drug (it can go both ways, men like it too).
> 
> That said, most married women know when to put up the hand, when needed. And sometimes their husbands are beneficiaries of them getting some attention in public - they go home and are ready for action.
> 
> In this case, who knows. Maybe she did it for the dopamine, and it's harmless. Maybe she actually wants to get laid. You won't know unless she has an affair and it gets out.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

It has to do with respect for your spouse, or the other person that you are in a relationship.
Same thing with BNO's, Bachelor parties, and Bachelorette parties.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Did someone actually post that? Or is it your interpretation of what's being said?


More than one man posted women can’t resist male attention and dopamine makes them cheat


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

When I go out with girls we play bingo at the bar. Men are there. Some maybe make small talk. Never met any cougars who go to dance clubs intent on cheating. It seems so cliche. Good looking women can dress up and have a drink without looking for a hook up. It’s not going out, it’s the lack of character. Good women don’t switch to cheat mode when they go out. Women who cheat were always trash.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

snowbum said:


> More than one man posted women can’t resist male attention and dopamine makes them cheat


Gees, what stupid comments. What thread was this?

It is true that dopamine plays a role in cheating as 'falling in love' increases the production and uptake of dopamine, oxytocin, and other feel-good hormones. But it works that way for both men and women.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> After the heated GNO threads, I have a question. If you’re married and opposed to GNO, does any of your opinion have to do with the possibility that perhaps you were either single or married and had a fling with a married wonan? Lots of “women can’t control themselves around men”. So being a man, did you engage in what you’re railing about women doing? Because I’m not hideous, but I still never banged a stranger at GNO nor do I know anyone who did. It’s insulting to here if a woman has a conversation with a man hormones kick in and they can’t resist. What the actual? Sick of the @ man just has to look at her and she’s in the sack” crap.


For me, it's about preventing temptation by not putting yourself in a position where you might be tempted.
One never knows when any dissatisfaction in marriage, along with your hormones, along with the idea that you'll do it just once, along with all the possible intangibles might intersect to lead one to have a one night stand that you have to apologize for or live with the guilt that you made your marriage a lie.

It's not about GNO, but the type of GNO that you intend to have. 
If you're going out with other mature spouses to married type of GNO, that's fine. 
My position is for both spouses, not just the wife or husband.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Unless the night out involves a stripper, etc., or the attending spouse has a history of related infidelity or similar risky behavior, I don't think there is anything wrong with GNO, BNO, bachelor parties, or bachelorette parties. I also don't think women (or men) will drop their drawers just because they are without their spouse - that's ridiculous.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

snowbum said:


> More than one man posted women can’t resist male attention and dopamine makes them cheat


I would be interested in reading those posts.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Wife never did GNO and didn't want to. I never did BNO, and didn't want to. We didn't live a singles lifestyle after we married. We go places with other married couples. We did life together with our children.

But that is us, and we are dinosaurs. Irrelevant in today's world.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I suppose it might depend.

I had a lot of adventures when I was younger. I never intentionally messed around with a taken woman, married or otherwise but many of them were interested in messing around with me.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

snowbum said:


> ......*If you’re married and opposed to GNO, does any of your opinion have to do with the possibility that perhaps you were either single or married and had a fling with a married wonan?* Lots of “women can’t control themselves around men”. So being a man, *did you engage in what you’re railing about women doing?* Because I’m not hideous, but I still never banged a stranger at GNO nor do I know anyone who did. It’s insulting to here if a woman has a conversation with a man hormones kick in and they can’t resist. What the actual? Sick of the @ man just has to look at her and she’s in the sack” crap.


First, I don't think that GNO is a good idea. I have no problem with my wife meeting other women for coffee or lunch. I think that alcohol and going out at night is a slippery slope. I trust my wife, but all marriages have their ups and downs. I don't think that GNO where there is drinking (alcohol is an inhibition reducing agent) is a good idea for married people.

As a married man I have never had sex with anyone other my wife. Before, I was married, I did not have sex with any married woman and probably would not have.



Tdbo said:


> *It has to do with respect for your spouse,* or the other person that you are in a relationship.
> *Same thing with BNO's, Bachelor parties, and Bachelorette parties.*


With the possible exception of my 72 year old wife chaperoning my grand daughter's bachelorette party in a decade, I don't want my wife attending Bachelorette parties. I also did not have a Bachelor party prior to my wedding. I think that they are bad ideas where peer pressure can cause people to make major mistakes, especially if alcohol and semi-naked strippers of the opposite sex are involved.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> I suppose it might depend.
> 
> I had a lot of adventures when I was younger. I never intentionally messed around with a taken woman, married or otherwise but many of them were interested in messing around with me.


Yep, and same situation in reverse here. There are some people who will cheat and some who won't.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Young at Heart said:


> First, I don't think that GNO is a good idea. I have no problem with my wife meeting other women for coffee or lunch. I think that alcohol and going out at night is a slippery slope. I trust my wife, but all marriages have their ups and downs. I don't think that GNO where there is drinking (alcohol is an inhibition reducing agent) is a good idea for married people.
> 
> As a married man I have never had sex with anyone other my wife. Before, I was married, I did not have sex with any married woman and probably would not have.
> 
> With the possible exception of my 72 year old wife chaperoning my grand daughter's bachelorette party in a decade, I don't want my wife attending Bachelorette parties. I also did not have a Bachelor party prior to my wedding. I think that they are bad ideas where peer pressure can cause people to make major mistakes, especially if alcohol and semi-naked strippers of the opposite sex are involved.


Not all bachelorette parties have semi-naked strippers of the opposite sex or anything else like that. I've been to several and they were simply the female friends and family of the bride going out for dinner and spending time together.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> I suppose it might depend.
> 
> I had a lot of adventures when I was younger. I never intentionally messed around with a taken woman, married or otherwise but many of them were interested in messing around with me.


 Never after being married with the wanton women who hit on you when you’re with your wife and kid?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Yep, and same situation in reverse here. There are some people who will cheat and some who won't.


A couple of the cases were a little weird though.

It was like the women, both young (early twenties) got caught up in the excitement and were definitely emotionally messed up the next day. Neither one I'm thinking about was drunk. They both just got excited to be out partying, dancing, etc. with me and definitely crossed some lines their SO's wouldn't approve of.

One lady messed up her engagement and probably would have latched onto me if I was interested and the other didn't trust herself to see me anymore and I'm not sure she even went out afterwards.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

snowbum said:


> Never after being married with the wanton women who hit on you when you’re with your wife and kid?


Are you asking if I cheated? The answer is no.

To my knowledge, Mrs. Conan hasn't either.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> A couple of the cases were a little weird though.
> 
> It was like the women, both young (early twenties) got caught up in the excitement and were definitely emotionally messed up the next day. Neither one I'm thinking about was drunk. They both just got excited to be out partying, dancing, etc. with me and definitely crossed some lines their SO's wouldn't approve of.
> 
> One lady messed up her engagement and probably would have latched onto me if I was interested and the other didn't trust herself to see me anymore and I'm not sure she even went out afterwards.


So she stopped dating beacause you were too much?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The thing is that if a person wants to cheat, they sure don't need a GNO/BNO to do it. My son's father, the MD, had no problem finding nurses at the hospital to carry on with.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

snowbum said:


> More than one man posted women can’t resist male attention and dopamine makes them cheat


They wish!!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

snowbum said:


> So she stopped dating beacause you were too much?


The one who didn't go out anymore didn't trust herself.

A friend of hers told me she was a really nice (good) girl and her behavior with me was an aberration.

The engaged one, I didn't find out until later, apparently had mixed feelings about her fiance after a night out dancing with me.

Her friend told me that she fell in love with me and I certainly didn't trust that or feel comfortable that she could so easily disrespect the man whose proposal she accepted.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> The thing is that if a person wants to cheat, they sure don't need a GNO/BNO to do it. My son's father, the MD, had no problem finding nurses at the hospital to carry on with.


Definitely agree. I know there are circumstances that more people, who otherwise wouldn't, are more tempted in.

I'm not making an argument one way or the other. People need to learn to control themselves obviously.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> When I go out with girls we play bingo at the bar. Men are there. Some maybe make small talk. Never met any cougars who go to dance clubs intent on cheating. It seems so cliche. Good looking women can dress up and have a drink without looking for a hook up. It’s not going out, it’s the lack of character. Good women don’t switch to cheat mode when they go out. Women who cheat were always trash.


She as the men as well!


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## Reluctant Texan (5 mo ago)

I suppose not all GNOs are the same. 

It depends on the type of establishment and the level of intoxication that is planned.

I'd seriously question the commitment of anyone who goes to rowdier places (clubs, strip clubs, etc.)


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> With the possible exception of my 72 year old wife chaperoning my grand daughter's bachelorette party in a decade, I don't want my wife attending Bachelorette parties. I also did not have a Bachelor party prior to my wedding. I think that they are bad ideas where peer pressure can cause people to make major mistakes, especially if alcohol and semi-naked strippers of the opposite sex are involved.


Bachelor and bachelorette parties don't have to involve strippers or risky behavior. I have been to many and it's usually just a group of guys hanging out, with no females around unless it's someone guiding or hosting an activity. When I was at one and the guys decided to go to a bar and bring back girls, I went to my room, called my wife and we just talked. 

I have done the ONS revenge affair thing and it was while out with friends, so it's not like I'm unable to do something like that but I and every other person on this planet are able to keep their pants on and act in a trustworthy way if they want to. If they don't want to, well...


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> The one who didn't go out anymore didn't trust herself.
> 
> A friend of hers told me she was a really nice (good) girl and her behavior with me was an aberration.
> 
> ...


You’ve got a very healthy ego.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

snowbum said:


> After the heated GNO threads, I have a question. If you’re married and opposed to GNO, does any of your opinion have to do with the possibility that perhaps you were either single or married and had a fling with a married wonan? Lots of “women can’t control themselves around men”. So being a man, did you engage in what you’re railing about women doing? Because I’m not hideous, but I still never banged a stranger at GNO nor do I know anyone who did. It’s insulting to here if a woman has a conversation with a man hormones kick in and they can’t resist. What the actual? Sick of the @ man just has to look at her and she’s in the sack” crap.


If they can't resist, they think nobody else can either.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

snowbum said:


> After the heated GNO threads, I have a question. If you’re married and opposed to GNO, does any of your opinion have to do with the possibility that perhaps you were either single or married and had a fling with a married wonan? Lots of “women can’t control themselves around men”. So being a man, did you engage in what you’re railing about women doing? Because I’m not hideous, but I still never banged a stranger at GNO nor do I know anyone who did. It’s insulting to here if a woman has a conversation with a man hormones kick in and they can’t resist. What the actual? Sick of the @ man just has to look at her and she’s in the sack” crap.


Of course you spun it against men. That the men sleep with the married hoes. I’ve got news for you, there’s a lot of good men on this site that have had their wives drop their panties if the moment was right.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

snowbum said:


> You’ve got a very healthy ego.


And/or imagination. 😂


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

snowbum said:


> After the heated GNO threads, I have a question. If you’re married and opposed to GNO, does any of your opinion have to do with the possibility that perhaps you were either single or married and had a fling with a married wonan? Lots of “women can’t control themselves around men”. So being a man, did you engage in what you’re railing about women doing? Because I’m not hideous, but I still never banged a stranger at GNO nor do I know anyone who did. It’s insulting to here if a woman has a conversation with a man hormones kick in and they can’t resist. What the actual? Sick of the @ man just has to look at her and she’s in the sack” crap.


The thread happened to be about a woman, but it goes both ways, at least as far as I'm concerned.

1. I've never had a fling with a married woman and never will. I'm not drawn to a woman who is married.

2. I don't believe women can't control themselves and I think that goes for alot of men. Now there are women and men who choose not to control themselves.

3. I've never taken my wedding ring off, but I did have a revenge affair against my first wife. The woman came on strong to me in a bar and I guess I became the male version of the women who "can't control themselves". 

4. I've known women and men who have met and banged someone on a BNO and GNO.

5. Not sure what you mean about hormones kicking in, mens or womens? There were a few posts from that thread that indicated men and women liked the attention.

6. Not sure about your last sentence either, I'm guessing all a man has to do is look at her and she's in the sack?? If that's the case then that would surely spell doom for the world's oldest profession.

Lately there have been a few threads in which both sides have gotten carried away.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

snowbum said:


> Good women don’t switch to cheat mode when they go out.


I agree. That's why I married my second wife.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> Good women don’t switch to cheat mode when they go out. Women who cheat were always trash.


Most people are good enough that they don't intend to cheat, but things can happen over the course of the night that become unexpected.
The only way to prevent it for certain is to not involve yourself in situations where it could happen.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

snowbum said:


> You’ve got a very healthy ego.


I've got a lot spicier stories as well.

If you don't want to know, don't ask.😉


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Most people are good enough that they don't intend to cheat, but things can happen over the course of the night that become unexpected.
> The only way to prevent it for certain is to not involve yourself in situations where it could happen.


Why marry someone that weak and unself-disciplined? And fickle? I don't buy it. We're not all pushovers, men or women.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Most people are good enough that they don't intend to cheat, but things can happen over the course of the night that become unexpected.


Nope. If you are committed not to cheat you do t cheat. Smoking hot people can walk in and you can choose not to cheat. If you are saying depending on the night you might cheat, you’re not faithful. No one has to cheat and I’m convinced people who don’t want to cheat don’t cheat. A night out isn’t a crap shoot if cheat or not cheat. Weak people do that.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Yep, and same situation in reverse here. There are some people who will cheat and some who won't.


My H says that your character doesn’t change based on where you are or who you’re with. We do GNO/BNO, weekends away, never once had an issue.

All I can really speak to is my personal experience, but the men I know who won’t trust their wives out of their sight are actively cheating whenever they the situation is reversed. And the kinds of women (and men) who crave, seek and brag about attention from strangers at bars are seeking validation for their insecurity.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Why marry someone that weak and unself-disciplined? And fickle? I don't buy it. We're not all pushovers, men or women.


Did you know that women exist for other reasons than to interact with penises? 😱. 😉😂😂😂😂


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Reluctant Texan said:


> I suppose not all GNOs are the same.
> 
> It depends on the type of establishment and the level of intoxication that is planned.
> 
> I'd seriously question the commitment of anyone who goes to rowdier places (clubs, strip clubs, etc.)


What if they just like to go to bars to see bands? I wouldn't have quit doing that for anyone, and none of my bfs would have ever wanted me to.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Why marry someone that weak and unself-disciplined? And fickle? I don't buy it. We're not all pushovers, men or women.


Everybody thinks they are strong, until they get hit a perfect situation for them/


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Did you know that women exist for other reasons than to interact with penises? 😱. 😉😂😂😂😂


Shocking! I hope the men don't find out


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> Nope. If you are committed not to cheat you do t cheat. Smoking hot people can walk in and you can choose not to cheat. If you are saying depending on the night you might cheat, you’re not faithful. No one has to cheat and I’m convinced people who don’t want to cheat don’t cheat. A night out isn’t a crap shoot if cheat or not cheat. Weak people do that.


I disagree.
You aren't tempted until you are.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> The thing is that if a person wants to cheat, they sure don't need a GNO/BNO to do it. My son's father, the MD, had no problem finding nurses at the hospital to carry on with.


Cheaters cheat. No one who is a good person who loves their spouse and respects their vows has a cocktail and hears loud music and turns into a slag. Jekyl and Hyde is a story, it’s not real.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Everybody thinks they are strong, until they get hit a perfect situation for them/


Well, you can't know what the perfect situation is in one night in a bar.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

The usual suspects are out in full force 🤣🤣🤣


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> If they can't resist, they think nobody else can either.


This is it. They DON’T resist and they assume everyone is just like them.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

If you are that easily tempted you want to be tempted. You were open to a fling.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well, you can't know what the perfect situation is in one night in a bar.


It wouldn't be just the bar or drink.
It's everything that is going on in your life at that moment. 
For me, I'd rather not put myself in a situation than assume that I'm strong enough to resist should it come up.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> The usual suspects are out in full force 🤣🤣🤣


LoL! No doubt! Hope you're having a good night.

I'm grilling chicken and having some red wine with the Mrs.🙂


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Me and one of my serious bfs each named a celeb we'd be tempted by and agreed if that happened, so be it. I can't remember whose his was. I swear we would both have gotten over it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> This is it. They DON’T resist and they assume everyone is just like them.


Yeah, because it's human nature to assume other people basically think the same as you do, but it can't be further from the truth.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> It wouldn't be just the bar or drink.
> It's everything that is going on in your life at that moment.
> For me, I'd rather not put myself in a situation than assume that I'm strong enough to resist should it come up.


And that's fine. But that's just you. We're not all that way.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> And that's fine. But that's just you. We're not all that way.


I will say, though, that if you know you’re someone who would want to cheat, it’s very responsible to stay away from temptation you know you can’t resist.

That said, if I found out my H wouldn’t go to a bar because he’d cheat if he did, I’d want a divorce. Cause again, it’s not the bar, not the drinks, not the friends. It’s the person who wants out of the relationship because they aren’t satisfied who cheats, and no one HAS to be with me. If you think you can do better, by all means, don’t let the door hit ya on the way out.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> And that's fine. But that's just you. We're not all that way.


We all make choices, which is fine.
I know I will never have to apologize for putting myself in a postion, because I thought I was strong enough to say no.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I will say, though, that if you know you’re someone who would want to cheat, it’s very responsible to stay away from temptation you know you can’t resist.


And very unfair to ban someone else who isn't like you from living their full life.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> LoL! No doubt! Hope you're having a good night.
> 
> I'm grilling chicken and having some red wine with the Mrs.🙂


Having a great night! Enjoy that wine with Mrs. C


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> And very unfair to ban someone else who isn't like you from living their full life.


Yes. I would never want to be the reason someone is unhappy, and I certainly wouldn’t want my H to be unhappy because he felt trapped with me. Door is always open.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

On my old bfs, if we had both gone out cheating on the same night, we would have all ended up in the same place watching the same band anyway.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

I've never had a fling with a married woman. But I don't see the point of married people going to a meat-market. Almost every single guy at these places is there to score and everyone knows it - especially the club/bar owners, that's why they try to attract more women and never turn away young women. If you love dancing then go to dance classes - they have those at respectable hours for all types of dance. "Oh but that's no fun because there's no drinks or men." Lol.
If you love socializing then most activities involve some sort of socializing with friends.
Sure some married people can go to bars and clubs on GNO's - but I don't have to marry someone who wants to live like this. There are plenty of women out there that feel no need or desire to go out clubbing or have their husbands go out clubbing until 4am without them on the regular. Part of being married is making time to have fun together.
If you look at statistics then it's only reasonable to assume this type of behaviour increases the risk of infidelity. Everyone else can do what they want, but I'm allowed to date and marry whom I want, and there is nothing wrong with judging someone based on their actions and lifestyle.
You can label me 'controlling' for this - but I think it's just as 'controlling' to force me to be with someone I really do not want to be with.
The overwhelming majority of people that go clubbing and bar-hopping in their early 20's grow out of it by their mid 20's and almost never do it again.
Getting off on the attention of the opposite sex, or just being an attention seeker in general are both huge red flags for a personality disorder and a lack of empathy.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I just don't see the point of getting married and staying married if you know you are always going to be tempted to cheat AND it's a reasonable certainty that you could with those you are tempted by, which is another story as we all know.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DamianDamian said:


> I've never had a fling with a married woman. But I don't see the point of married people going to a meat-market. Almost every single guy at these places is there to score and everyone knows it - especially the club/bar owners, that's why they try to attract more women and never turn away young women. If you love dancing then go to dance classes - they have those at respectable hours for all types of dance. "Oh but that's no fun because there's no drinks or men." Lol. Sure somemarried people can go to bars and clubs on GNO's - but I don't have to marry one. There are plenty of women out there that feel no need or desire to go out clubbing or have their husbands go out clubbbing until 4am without them on the regular. If you look at statistics then it's only reasonable to assume this type of behaviour increases the risk of infidelity. Everyone else can do what they want, but I'm allowed to date and marry whom I want, and there is nothing wrong with judging someone based on their actions and lifestyle.


Totally true. We all make our choices.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I just don't see the point of getting married and staying married if you know you are always going to be tempted to cheat AND it's a reasonable certainty that you could with those you are tempted by, which is another story as we all know.


It’s not like the only temptation is at a bar. Wasn’t there someone today talking about being a trainer and cheating? My BFs husband has slept with every attractive FA at the company he flies for. Cheaters find a way, a night out is no different.

Like it matters at this point, I’d rather eat a big wiggly millipede than go to a loud, crowded bar.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s not like the only temptation is at a bar. Wasn’t there someone today talking about being a trainer and cheating? My BFs husband has slept with every attractive FA at the company he flies for. Cheaters find a way, a night out is no different.
> 
> Like it matters at this point, I’d rather eat a big wiggly millipede than go to a loud, crowded bar.


It can happen anywhere. I'd be more worried about exes or orbiters than anything. Because cheaters might keep those around and there is a different mindset. Like the ex may think "he was mine first," and justify it and the orbiter is just obsessed and doesn't care.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I don’t care for people who stay “friends” with an ex. I almost ended it with my H because he had an ex that wouldn’t go away. She cheated on him and never got over him. If he snapped his fingers, she would come running. I didn’t say anything, he broke away on her own, but if he hadn’t I was planning to bolt. I am no one’s plan B.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Totally true. We all make our choices.


I think it's more than 'making choices'. Human nature is that sometimes we lack self control. What if a married woman was ovulating, her husband had been ignoring her and she'd had a few too many and this male aquaintance of hers was a shoulder to cry on at the bar? Seems like a slippery slope. The most noted psychiatrists agree that self control is not absolute. I wouldn't put a tub of ice cream on my coffee table if I was trying to diet. I wouldn't hang out in a brothel as a married man not to have sex, but just because I found the atmosphere 'fun'. 
The people most likely to cheat are those that think they are infallible simply because they do not want to cheat, and do not understand human nature.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

My mother didn't have guy 'friends' or go to bars and clubs and I would have grown up to think she was trashy if she had.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I don’t care for people who stay “friends” with an ex. I almost ended it with my H because he had an ex that wouldn’t go away. She cheated on him and never got over him. If he snapped his fingers, she would come running. I didn’t say anything, he broke away on her own, but if he hadn’t I was planning to bolt. I am no one’s plan B.


Yeah, and that's a dangerous situation. But I will say that I have been on both ends of that more than once. I do form bonds with some of these people I don't stay with. Doesn't mean Ima let them come for a booty call though, but I can see being worried about it.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yeah, and that's a dangerous situation. But I will say that I have been on both ends of that more than once. I do form bonds with some of these people I don't stay with. Doesn't mean Ima let them come for a booty call though, but I can see being worried about it.


It was my insecurity. She was that one I mentioned that was pretty for a living. That's why I never told him, if she had stayed around I would have quietly left and not said why.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Certain behaviors are going to cause your partner to be wary, and rightly so. If your GNO amounts to having a glass of wine and dinner with a few of your friends at a nice restaurant, then I seriously doubt any reasonable husband will take issue. It becomes a problem when the GNO means a night out with your trashy friend, both dressed like street walkers, where you get wasted on free drinks paid for by all the men at the bar. 

Literally everyone says they would never cheat, but plenty of people are cheating so some of y'all are lying. When you demonstrate behaviors that will cause concern, you shouldn't be surprised when trust is broken.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You know, I see that on all the movies and tv, but in reality I guess it was my crowd, but strangers didn't usually try to buy you a drink at the bar and if they did, you got creeped out. That said, the bartenders often gave me free drinks or I was on someone's tab for business, so...


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DamianDamian said:


> What if a married woman was ovulating, her husband had been ignoring her and she'd had a few too many and this male aquaintance of hers was a shoulder to cry on at the bar?


I'm not sure what you think happens to us when we are ovulating.  It's not like werewolves and the full moon or whatever the red-pill crowd is telling you. But if your wife went to a bar and drank by herself with another man while complaining about her husband, again, the issue isn't the bar or the drinks. The issue is the woman in that scenario is clearly looking to hook up.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Oh, so many myths. It's the feminine mystique, I guess.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You know, I see that on all the movies and tv, but in reality I guess it was my crowd, but strangers didn't usually try to buy you a drink at the bar and if they did, you got creeped out. That said, the bartenders often gave me free drinks or I was on someone's tab for business, so...


I don't want to be one of "those" people who comes on and brags about all the people coming on to me every time I leave the house because I'm such a sexy beast of human perfection 😋, but I have had plenty of strangers offer to buy me drinks. The answer is no. Why? Because I am married and I'm an adult and I know who I am. I'm not sure if I was ovulating or not. I don't remember howling at the moon or chewing the furniture, is it like Jekyll and Hyde? Would I black out? I'm not sure. 🤪


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Oh, so many myths. It's the feminine mystique, I guess.


Our periods attract bears. And apparently make us super hot to trot. 😂


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I've seen people do a lot of things when they got in a situation they weren't prepared for and they never thought they were vulnerable.

There is a pretty significant number of folks that had a one off, learned, and never repeated it.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Most people are good enough that they don't intend to cheat, but things can happen over the course of the night that become unexpected.
> The only way to prevent it for certain is to not involve yourself in situations where it could happen.


Unexpected???!!! 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 She was bent over and as I was walking by I accidentally slipped on a banana peel, causing my peen go inside her. It was crowded and someone bumped into me, making me accidentally fall on his ****.

The reality is cheating doesn't happen by accident, it actually happens because some people do want to cheat and choose to do so.

Regardless of environment and situation the only way to prevent it for certain, is to choose not to cheat. It really is that simple.



Gregory Chaucery said:


> Everybody thinks they are strong, until they get hit a perfect situation for them/


One doesn't need to be strong. If someone wants to cheat they will choose to do exactly that. If they don't want then they will choose not to.



Gregory Chaucery said:


> I disagree.
> You aren't tempted until you are.


Temptation, meh.

If only more people appreciated that they are responsible for themselves, their choices and actions, then we wouldn't have a suite of lame excuses trying to justify it, inclusive of claiming temptation.



Gregory Chaucery said:


> It wouldn't be just the bar or drink.
> It's everything that is going on in your life at that moment.
> For me, I'd rather not put myself in a situation than assume that I'm strong enough to resist should it come up.


If the only reason why someone isn't cheating is because they actively avoid social interactions, then they are already cheaters at heart and actually desire to cheat.

Not everyone is like that, some of us simply choose not to, because we consider cheating on someone to be poor form and certainly no accident.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

Personal said:


> Unexpected???!!! 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 She was bent over and as I was walking by I accidentally slipped on a banana peel, causing my peen go inside her. It was crowded and someone bumped into me, making me accidentally fall on his ****.


There is such a thing as putting yourself in a situation unnecessarily.
Many of the stories on this site involve sincere apologies from cheating spouses because they didn't expect to go down that road that night.



Personal said:


> The reality is cheating doesn't happen by accident, it actually happens because some people do want to cheat and choose to do so.


I disagree. More common that one thinks, especially if drugs or alcohol become involved.
Lots of people have internal conflicts over lots of things and it always starts with putting yourself in position.
You can only ensure that you don't cheat if you don't put yourself in position where the option becomes available to you.



Personal said:


> Regardless of environment and situation the only way to prevent it for certain, is to choose not to cheat. It really is that simple.
> One doesn't need to be strong. If someone wants to cheat they will choose to do exactly that. If they don't want then they will choose not to.


We agree. Don't put yourself in position to be tempted and you have nothing to worry about.




Personal said:


> If only more people appreciated that they are responsible for themselves, their choices and actions, then we wouldn't have a suite of lame excuses trying to justify it, inclusive of claiming temptation.
> If the only reason why someone isn't cheating is because they actively avoid social interactions, then they are already cheaters at heart and actually desire to cheat.
> Not everyone is like that, some of us simply choose not to, because we consider cheating on someone to be poor form and certainly no accident.


You're only a cheater if you cheat.
Being tempted is not a sin. 
But it's just wise to avoid it altogether.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Personal said:


> Unexpected???!!! 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 She was bent over and as I was walking by I accidentally slipped on a banana peel, causing my peen go inside her. It was crowded and someone bumped into me, making me accidentally fall on his ****.
> 
> The reality is cheating doesn't happen by accident, it actually happens because some people do want to cheat and choose to do so.
> 
> ...


I agree. There have been some inexperienced, maybe awkward?, folks who found themselves in way over their experience level and ended up coming out having learned a few things the hard way.

They obviously hadn't developed their boundaries very good and the better ones took a look at themselves and changed what they needed to.

Not making excuses though. Behaving like an idiot means you're an idiot.

Not liking that you're an idiot is good motivation to change.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

snowbum said:


> If you’re married and opposed to GNO, does any of your opinion have to do with the possibility that perhaps you were either single or married and had a fling with a married wonan? Lots of “women can’t control themselves around men”.


I'm married and have no problem with girls nights outs, or boys nights out either. That said I have in extremely limited instances been with a very small number of married women when I was divorced and not otherwise with anyone else. Including one woman who I didn't know was married till after, who I had sex with on the premises while we were both a little bit inebriated. Yet I don't think lot's of women can't control themselves at all, since sexual infidelity requires an active choice to do that. These things don't happen by accident.



> So being a man, did you engage in what you’re railing about women doing?


Well I'm not railing against women being able to make their own choices, that said having been on boys nights out when married or otherwise exclusively partnered, I haven't ever sought to share sex with anyone while out with my mates and as a consequence of my choices have never done that.



> Because I’m not hideous, but I still never banged a stranger at GNO nor do I know anyone who did. It’s insulting to here if a woman has a conversation with a man hormones kick in and they can’t resist. What the actual? Sick of the @ man just has to look at her and she’s in the sack” crap.


Yep, you choose not to, just like everyone else who chooses not to.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

snowbum said:


> More than one man posted women can’t resist male attention and dopamine makes them cheat


I think you have to chalk it up to, whatever you have to tell yourself buddy. That actually kind of sounds like something a rapist would tell himself.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

happyhusband0005 said:


> I think you have to chalk it up to, whatever you have to tell yourself buddy. That actually kind of sounds like something a rapist would tell himself.


Well Here's the post I believe she is she's referring to..


Gabriel said:


> Many women can't resist the dopamine that male attention provides. That drug will make them do things that provide more of said drug (it can go both ways, men like it too).
> 
> That said, most married women know when to put up the hand, when needed. And sometimes their husbands are beneficiaries of them getting some attention in public - they go home and are ready for action.
> 
> In this case, who knows. Maybe she did it for the dopamine, and it's harmless. Maybe she actually wants to get laid. You won't know unless she has an affair and it gets out.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Many of the stories on this site involve sincere apologies from cheating spouses because they didn't expect to go down that road that night.


"Sincere"  Yeah, those apologies often aren't as sincere as they seem.



Gregory Chaucery said:


> You can only ensure that you don't cheat if you don't put yourself in position where the option becomes available to you.


The option is nearly always available to someone who wants to cheat or is "weak enough" to cheat.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

bobert said:


> "Sincere"  Yeah, those apologies often aren't as sincere as they seem.


Some of them are sincere.
The best way is to take pre-determined steps to prevent situations.



bobert said:


> The option is nearly always available to someone who wants to cheat or is "weak enough" to cheat.


Somebody intending to cheat will drill through Fort Knox to do so, to be sure.
However, we are still creatures that give in to sin.
You'd have to argue that every human being is evil, because every human being has sinned, if it was a case of every sin being a deliberate choice.
There is no redemption with this mindset, if every sin is deliberate.

However, I'm not of that mindset.
Most of us are simply not that strong and sometimes when we sin, much of it is due to our heart and circumstance at the time.
We all have circumstances and internal conflicts and mindsets that can, on occasion, intersect to create situations that are hard to resist. 
That doesn't mean that we aren't accountable anyway for what we do.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well Here's the post I believe she is she's referring to..


Yup. Hardly what she tried to represent it as and actually included men as well.

People need to keep rape in the right category because @Gabriel implied no such thing and didn't even come off like snow said he did if this is what she was referring to.

If you have to fabricate or embellish to make your point, you don't actually have one.

Not referring to you @Anastasia6 . I don't believe I've ever seen you fabricate or embellish regardless of disagreements.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> sincere apologies from cheating spouses


Ok first of all, no. They're sorry they got caught. If they tell, it's because they are afraid they'll get told on and want to control the narrative. IMO and I will not change my mind. I don't care if it upsets the cheaters that I think that. 

I do not believe that anyone, male or female, cheats "accidentally." Having sex with another person isn't an "oopsie." I also believe that if you have to stay away from women you prefer to your wife in order to stay faithful to your wife, then you probably shouldn't be married because BOTH of you deserve to be with someone you WANT to be with instead of feeling trapped. 

I don't go to bars or clubs because I'm too old to be there. It's loud, everyone is 20 years younger than me, I can't get a drink and when I do it sucks, it's packed and hot and smelly and gross. THAT is why I don't go. I could go to an entire bar full of my favorite celebrity shirtless and hot for me and I wouldn't cheat on my husband because I AM NOT A SLAG. (I just learned that word. I love it, it reminds me of the Flintstones) My word, my character, means a lot to me, and I don't want to be the kind of person who lies and cheats and is a scumbag. Cheaters cheat and I'm not a cheater. 

You and I disagree, and that's perfectly ok, you are free to do and believe and live as you please. But it does offend me that you think that because I am a woman I must wear a collar and be chained down in order to keep me from humping the leg of every man I see. Surely you can see how deeply insulting that is. I would never say that about a man, men who cheat don't do it because they CAN, they do it because they WANT to. Plenty of men CAN and don't. I see it all the time, no one is completely ruled by hormones or instincts or whatever. All of the things you list as "avoiding temptation" are excuses cheaters use.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Ok first of all, no. They're sorry they got caught. If they tell, it's because they are afraid they'll get told on and want to control the narrative. IMO and I will not change my mind. I don't care if it upsets the cheaters that I think that.
> 
> I do not believe that anyone, male or female, cheats "accidentally." Having sex with another person isn't an "oopsie." I also believe that if you have to stay away from women you prefer to your wife in order to stay faithful to your wife, then you probably shouldn't be married because BOTH of you deserve to be with someone you WANT to be with instead of feeling trapped.
> 
> ...


My standards are not just because you're a woman.
My standards are for both. 
I can't help your mindset that I can make it absolutely as clear as possible, screaming from the rooftops, that I believe it applies to both men and woman.
And all you hear is "just the woman:.
That's quite the filter to do that


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well Here's the post I believe she is she's referring to..


Oh thats not ill intended.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> The thing is that if a person wants to cheat, they sure don't need a GNO/BNO to do it. My son's father, the MD, had no problem finding nurses at the hospital to carry on with.


Sorry that happened to you. One of my friends whose wife was an NP started an affair with the doc she worked for. My friend caught the doc between floors in a stairwell and proceeded to beat the living hell of of him. Doc wound up looking like a racoon with three broken ribs. My pals the divorced his harlot of a wife.

I served on a hospital board. Screwing around is rampant in a hospital


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> There is such a thing as putting yourself in a situation unnecessarily.
> Many of the stories on this site involve sincere apologies from cheating spouses because they didn't expect to go down that road that night.


What might those situations be?

On rare occasion I still sometimes catch up with an attractive woman friend of mine who I have known closely for years (we've even slept together/no sex). When we catch up it tends to be at a pub, where we share a meal and some alcoholic drinks at a pub alone, then I take her back to her place and go home after that. No cheating.

On one occasion when I was only recently married to my wife, I was away for work for a couple of weeks, when I randomly bumped into a woman who I had been friends with I had shared sex with in my past. Since it had been about 6 years, we were both very happy to see each other, and she arranged to pick me up after work to take her to her place. I spent almost the whole night into the AM catching up with her and chatting then I slept on the lounge. Then in the morning her now husband (fiancé at the time) arrived in the morning and generously dropped me off at my work which was also his workplace as well. Didn't cheat at all, it was just great catching up.

Again in the early years of my marriage, in one instance when I was away for a few months because of work, I went out with my mates/colleagues (including lots of women) and we had a feed and went drinking and dancing. I danced with plenty of young women, we had fun and then we went back to our accommodation and kept the party going till almost dawn. Yet as usual I didn't cheat on my wife sexually and she was also aware of what I was doing because I talked to her during that night as well.

I sometimes pay women to take their clothes off for me, to do all sorts of poses both non-sexual and sexual, so that I can draw pictures of them, make paintings or photograph them. While I have also sometimes been paid by women to capture them just the same as well. Sometimes there are other people present and sometimes we are alone. As usual no cheating so far either, 'cause you know I can control myself, am responsible for myself and also own my choices.

Just before I married my wife, I was nominally living in a shared house 2 doors form my now wife's place. Now I say nominally since I never actually slept at my place. Anyway there ws this new housemate, some attractive Japanese woman on a student visa. Who on an extremely rare occasion when I was actually there, she asked me to have sex with her, I told no thanks, she then asked if I was gay, and I told her no, I just don't want to cheat on my fiancé. She then reassured me she didn't mind and would do nothing to en=mabrress me and asked again, then I again said no. See it's really easy, if you don't want to do something you can say no and choose not to do it. If someone cheats they only do so because that is what they want to do.

On and on etc.

There's plenty more that I have experienced, from both women and some men who have overtly offered, asked me for sex, yet I have never cheated on any of my sexual partners, because I have simply chosen not to.



Gregory Chaucery said:


> I disagree. More common that one thinks, especially if drugs or alcohol become involved.


It still requires an active choice, and if one is so intoxicated that they can't control themselves. Then that drifts into sex without consent and that's rape, not a lack of control.



Gregory Chaucery said:


> We agree. Don't put yourself in position to be tempted and you have nothing to worry about.


We do not, I am saying that one can be in any environment and situation and choose not to cheat. So there is no need to avoid situations, for those who choose not to cheat.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Not for nothing, but pointing out that something is misogynistic isn't misandry. Just like pointing out misandry isn't misogyny. For anyone who is (perpetually) confused by that. You can say good things about women without it being a direct attack on men. (And vice versa)

There was a particular secretary at my company that had screwed every wealthy married man in the building. That's how she made her living, basically screwing these guys and blackmailing them. She didn't meet up with them at bars. They were at work. In a boring office building downtown. 

Cheaters find a way. It's not the bar, or the drinks, or the music, or the clothes, or the slutty friends. I have a friend who is a swinger, and I don't sleep around when I'm with her. It's the person. There are good men and good women and they are good people and they don't "accidentally" fall on a peen or into a vagina. Cheating is a choice.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

Personal said:


> It still requires an active choice, and if one is so intoxicated that they can't control themselves. Then that drifts into sex without consent and that's rape, not a lack of control.


I don't disagree with you that you are still making the choice.
You made the choice to entertain your thought to go put yourself in a position of temptation, at the least of things.
You have conscious motivations, "I'm going to the bar to cheat."
But you also have unconscious motivations, where you aren't aware that you could be vulnerable to cheating that day.
It's still a choice, I agree.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> My standards are not just because you're a woman.
> My standards are for both.
> I can't help your mindset that I can make it absolutely as clear as possible, screaming from the rooftops, that I believe it applies to both men and woman.
> And all you hear is "just the woman:.
> That's quite the filter to do that


Business as usual. Don't worry. You are being clear.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Sorry that happened to you. One of my friends whose wife was an NP started an affair with the doc she worked for. My friend caught the doc between floors in a stairwell and proceeded to beat the living hell of of him. Doc wound up looking like a racoon with three broken ribs. My pals the divorced his harlot of a wife.
> 
> I served on a hospital board. Screwing around is rampant in a hospital


You aren't kidding about the medical profession, especially emergency medical professionals.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> My standards are not just because you're a woman.
> My standards are for both.
> I can't help your mindset that I can make it absolutely as clear as possible, screaming from the rooftops, that I believe it applies to both men and woman.
> And all you hear is "just the woman:.
> That's quite the filter to do that


OK. Let me address that.

You are correct, the standards apply to both men and women. I am responding to how your accusation makes ME feel. I am a woman, so I reacted to how you were addressing women. Would you, as a man, not be insulted? I don't know, because I'm not a man and don't speak for all women, much less men too. I don't like it when men tell me how I think and feel with no knowledge of it, I can't imagine they like me telling them how they think and feel either. So I don't. I address my reactions, not theirs. Making those rules for men AND women doesn't make them any less insulting.

And the red-pill crowd would be HOWLING about "business as usual" and "those crazy feminists" if I even IMPLIED I had an inkling how men feel. 

Of course, there's also this:


TexasMom1216 said:


> I would never say that about a man, men who cheat don't do it because they CAN, they do it because they WANT to. Plenty of men CAN and don't. I see it all the time, no one is completely ruled by hormones or instincts or whatever. All of the things you list as "avoiding temptation" are excuses cheaters use.


Apparently you filtered that out. _Quite the filter_ you have there.

What you're actually doing is avoiding defending your position by accusing me of "misandry" and nitpicking apart my posts in an attempt to force me to defend them and therefore giving you the ability to discredit the entire message. You're ignoring what I say and attacking the PERSON, not the message. Not exactly a sign of a strong argument.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> OK. Let me address that.
> 
> You are correct, the standards apply to both men and women. I am responding to how your accusation makes ME feel. I am a woman, so I reacted to how you were addressing women. Would you, as a man, not be insulted? I don't know, because I'm not a man and don't speak for all women, much less men too. I don't like it when men tell me how I think and feel with no knowledge of it, I can't imagine they like me telling them how they think and feel either. So I don't. I address my reactions, not theirs. Making those rules for men AND women doesn't make them any less insulting.


I cannot help your feelings, as they are a composite of your internal workings and your personal history and your temperament and gifts.
That's your responsibility.

My job is to try and be fair.
It is not to leave you feeling that you have been treated fairly.



TexasMom1216 said:


> Of course, there's also this:
> Apparently you filtered that out. _Quite the filter_ you have there.
> What you're actually doing is pretending what you've said isn't deeply insulting to men and women by accusing me of "misandry" and nitpicking apart my posts in an attempt to force me to defend them and therefore giving you the ability to discredit the entire message. You're ignoring what I say and attacking the PERSON, not the message. Not exactly a sign of a strong argument.


Because you're the one who is filtering my words to fit your preconceived notions.
I was quite clear that my standard was for both men and woman and it was you that filtered my words so that you only heard it being applied to women.
If somebody else was filtering my words to interpret them to fit their internal stuff, I'd be saying the same thing to them.

If I said all men and all women, but somebody filtered my words so that they thought I was only talking about a single gender or a single race or a single political persuasion, that is on the person doing the filtering.

There is no insult going on. The only sure way of resisting temptation is to be absent from the possibility of that temptation.
Otherwise, it becomes a case of playing the odds of temptation vs everything that is going on with a person at that exact moment.
Depending on what is going on with a person at that exact moment, the same temptation could be nothing and it could also be overwhelming.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I cannot help your feelings, as they are a composite of your internal workings and your personal history and your temperament and gifts.
> That's your responsibility.
> 
> My job is to try and be fair.
> ...


I'm not for dancing too close to the fire but everyone is tempted at some point and needs to learn how to box that crap up and put it on the correct shelf.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I cannot help your feelings, as they are a composite of your internal workings and your personal history and your temperament and gifts.
> That's your responsibility.
> 
> My job is to try and be fair.
> It is not to leave you feeling that you have been treated fairly.


No one asked you to "help" how I feel. Certainly not me. I'm explaining my position. It's different from yours, and I said that was ok, but I have a different position and I explained why. Just like you did with your position.


Gregory Chaucery said:


> I was quite clear that my standard was for both men and woman and it was you that filtered my words so that you only heard it being applied to women.


And I conceded that it seemed that way and explained why I worded it the way I did. But instead of accepting that explanation in good faith, you have chosen to continue to accuse me of "man hating" because that is the narrative that keeps you from having to defend your position or accept mine. Whether I agree with you or not, I've said several times it's your life and it's up to you. The same courtesy has not been extended to me. 


Gregory Chaucery said:


> Otherwise, it becomes a case of playing the odds of temptation vs *everything that is going on with a person at that exact moment*.


One last attempt at a good faith discussion. The bolded part is a very important aspect of your view on this, IMHO. If there is trouble in the marriage, if someone is unhappy or feeling neglected or unappreciated or lonely, that changes the whole scenario. If you have something else going on in your marriage, then temptation + alcohol is a bad idea. I agree completely with that.

But all things being equal, which is the subject of the thread, normal marriages with no huge issues, I do not think that a happily married PERSON will succumb to temptation (either MALE or FEMALE, BOTH ARE INCLUDED) just because they're out without their spouse and drinking.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> But all things being equal, which is the subject of the thread, normal marriages with no huge issues, I do not think that a happily married PERSON will succumb to temptation (either MALE or FEMALE, BOTH ARE INCLUDED) just because they're out without their spouse and drinking.


People are complex.
99.9%, it won't happen with a happily married person.
But it can still happen, because it has happened. 
I only need one person in the history of mankind to substantiate my position that people are complex and what they think they aren't tempted to do, they are overwhelmingly tempted to do. 
Do you think that I can't find one person?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

TexasMom1216 said:


> that a happily married PERSON will succumb to temptation (either MALE or FEMALE, BOTH ARE INCLUDED) just because they're out without their spouse and drinking.


Well there are actually real statistics and real cases that show this idea of yours to be a very nice fantasy.

I'm not trying to abdicate responsibility for deplorable behavior but you are dead wrong about the normal people in very good and/or happy marriages that do something very aberrant to what they normally would, especially if they are unprepared.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> People are complex.
> 99.9%, it won't happen with a happily married person.
> But it can still happen, because it has happened.
> I only need one person in the history of mankind to substantiate my position that people are complex and what they think they aren't tempted to do, they are overwhelmingly tempted to do.
> *Do you think that I can't find one person?*


Of course. Most of the men on this forum agree with you about GNO and all that. People are extremely complex, that's why there are so many differing opinions. There are lots and lots of people who will immediately cheat given the slightest chance. More than not, in fact.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Well… I liked to do things with my lady friends from time to time. Really risqué things too… like painting and wood sign crafting while sharing a bottle of wine. The only hetero males in the room were dragged there by their wives and looked super “ecstatic”. Every once in a blue moon we’d get real wild and go to a wine bar for early dinner and have bruschetta and cackle like hags and compare kid poop stories. Strangely never got hit on or purchased beverages. 🤔 Naturally 8:30 was about the time our beds began to beckon so we’d always be home by 9:30 at the latest. I’m super wild. 🤣

I think for anyone who likes to get all “hot” and go out to bars and clubs or even those girls/boys Vegas vacations… well, that’s just trouble. Let’s add to that gyms. If you want an affair that’s where to go, it’s a cesspool of filth. I’d say it’s easier in a gym than the bar. But I am very biased on that topic because of my own story of course. 

I think it all boils down to the kind of person you’re with and what they consider as respectful behavior. I don’t think limiting the type of people that desire to do these things will fix anything, the fact they enjoy doing it and why is more of the problem I’d say.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Some of them are sincere.


🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣



> However, we are still creatures that give in to sin.


Speak for yourself. Atheists don't sin. 'cause sin ain't a real thing.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Of course. Most of the men on this forum agree with you about GNO and all that. People are extremely complex, that's why there are so many differing opinions. There are lots and lots of people who will immediately cheat given the slightest chance. More than not, in fact.


Most of the women would agree that their husbands should not do BNO, if it means going to someplace where they can act single. 
We aren't different in that respect. 

If your husband wanted a BNO at a his sports stadium, you'd tell him to enjoy himself.
If he was going to a strip club, even if he promsed to not do anything, you'd have a problem with that.

BNO or GNO are not problematic, if the activity is an appropriate activity.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

Personal said:


> Speak for yourself. Atheists don't sin. 'cause sin ain't a real thing.


The definition of sin is to be less than ideal.
Unless you're perfect, you have sinned. 
We all have.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> If your husband wanted a BNO at a his sports stadium, you'd tell him to enjoy himself.
> If he was going to a strip club, even if he promsed to not do anything, you'd have a problem with that.


What makes you say that? What evidence do you have that would be my reaction? 

Aren't you doing here what you said I was doing in my posts? Making it anti-man by saying you were only applying rules to women? And didn't you get all bent out of shape at being accused of that double standard? And yet here you are, out of the blue, stating as FACT something that I never said. Again, making baseless accusations to discredit everything I say. Why can you not accept that I don't think you're right? I know you think I'm wrong. I'm ok with it. What's the deal with that?


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> What makes you say that? What evidence do you have that would be my reaction?
> 
> Aren't you doing here what you said I was doing in my posts? Making it anti-man by saying you were only applying rules to women? And didn't you get all bent out of shape at being accused of that double standard? And yet here you are, out of the blue, stating as FACT something that I never said. Again, making baseless accusations to discredit everything I say. Why can you not accept that I don't think you're right? I know you think I'm wrong. I'm ok with it. What's the deal with that?


If you're so open that you can have your husband go to a strip club, I was wrong and more power to you.
However, most here would have a problem with knowing that their spouse was going to participate in an activity like that.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Most of the women would agree that their husbands should not do BNO, if it means going to someplace where they can act single.
> We aren't different in that respect.
> 
> If your husband wanted a BNO at a his sports stadium, you'd tell him to enjoy himself.
> ...


It really does come down to deciding to cheat or not. Being in a situation that presents temptation does not matter if you are a person who can make the choice not to cheat. It is not a hard thing to do for most people. I've done BNO and Guys trips and my wife has done the same. We have even been on these trips to places like Vegas. If you have character and the people around you have character whats the problem? I get some people choose to set boundaries to not be in a situation that would present temptation but man life is short and temptation is everywhere. People just need to make good choices. There is no woman on the planet earth that could make me cheat on my wife, it's just not who I am.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> The definition of sin is to be less than ideal.
> Unless you're perfect, you have sinned.
> We all have.


You and I clearly have significant differences in our definitions.

As far as I am aware sin is a transgression against the law of God or a rebellion against God.

That said since there is no actual real proof that any gods exist at all (which is why people need to have faith). So until proven otherwise, I am inclined to presume no gods exist. Therefore without any gods, sin is just another imaginary thing like fairy's and flying unicorns.

So nope, no sin from me.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> If you're so liberal that you can have your husband go to a strip club, I was wrong and more power to you.


First of all, name-calling is another sign of a weak argument. I am the farthest thing from a liberal. You also inserted a strawman argument. The question is, should married people be allowed to go out with their friends without their spouses? You said no, they will cheat. I said of course, they can go out without their spouses and drink and dance and be with their friends and it will not inevitably lead to cheating because people are who they are wherever they are. Then suddenly you're saying that if I think my husband can be trusted I should be fine with him cheating on me. Basically you're arguing it's either full lockdown and no outings or anything goes. That is a strawman argument.

Did you say it because I pointed out that you did what you accused me of doing? I notice you didn't address that. 

Any other female poster could say exactly what I'm saying and you'd be willing to discuss it reasonably and civilly.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

A lot of people here acting like life is either black or white and it is not. People are mostly gray. Of course, everyone is going to say they would never cheat under any circumstances. I think most functioning adults should understand deep down that reality is different. It's not a matter of people either being a cheater who will always cheat or someone who will never do it. Morality is a sliding scale.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> If you're so open that you can have your husband go to a strip club, I was wrong and more power to you.


My wife has no problem with me going to a strip club, whatever. She even encourages me to pay women to take their clothes off.

Yet no cheating from me.



> However, most here would have a problem with knowing that their spouse was going to participate in an activity like that.


Meh, if my wife wants to cheat on me she will choose to do exactly that, regardless of where she chooses to go for entertainment.

As always cheating is a choice and not an accident. As always if you don't want to cheat, then choose not to.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Personal said:


> My wife has no problem with me going to a strip club, whatever. She even encourages me to pay women to take their clothes off.
> 
> Yet no cheating from me.
> 
> ...


Be fair. You and your wife are a little on the ninja side.😉

I agree with you on your perspective though Mrs. C and I agree on no strippers. LoL!


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> First of all, name-calling is another sign of a weak argument. I am the farthest thing from a liberal. You also inserted a strawman argument. The question is, should married people be allowed to go out with their friends without their spouses? You said no, they will cheat. I said of course, they can go out without their spouses and drink and dance and be with their friends and it will not inevitably lead to cheating because people are who they are wherever they are. Then suddenly you're saying that if I think my husband can be trusted I should be fine with him cheating on me. Basically you're arguing it's either full lockdown and no outings or anything goes. That is a strawman argument.
> 
> Did you say it because I pointed out that you did what you accused me of doing? I notice you didn't address that.
> 
> Any other female poster could say exactly what I'm saying and you'd be willing to discuss it reasonably and civilly.


I changed it to being open, but you caught it before I was able to correct myself.
It's not a question of time alone from the spouse, but the choices you are making while having time from your spouse. 
As I said, my position is for everybody, but I cannot help your viewpoint.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> However, most here would have a problem with knowing that their spouse was going to participate in an activity like that.


We weren't talking about strip clubs, we were talking about going out with friends. You changed it to something else, you're changing the argument. You can feel however you feel about GNO/BNO, that I feel differently doesn't mean you're wrong, it means we feel differently. You seem to be really angry that I won't agree with you. 

Why are you trying to erode the absolute trust I have in my husband?

He's been to many guy's weekends. He leaves and is gone 2-3 nights, I don't ask what he does. He could be going to strip clubs and cheating on me. I might never find out. I choose to trust him. If I find out I was wrong, I won't trust him any more.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I changed it to being open, but you caught it before I was able to correct myself.
> It's not a question of time alone from the spouse, but the choices you are making while having time from your spouse.
> *As I said, my position is for everybody, but I cannot help your viewpoint.*


What do you mean by this? Your position is for everyone? How can it be for everyone if it's not for me?


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> We weren't talking about strip clubs, we were talking about going out with friends. You changed it to something else, you're changing the argument. You can feel however you feel about GNO/BNO, that I feel differently doesn't mean you're wrong, it means we feel differently. You seem to be really angry that I won't agree with you.
> 
> Why are you trying to erode the absolute trust I have in my husband?
> 
> He's been to many guy's weekends. He leaves and is gone 2-3 nights, I don't ask what he does. He could be going to strip clubs and cheating on me. I might never find out. I choose to trust him. If I find out I was wrong, I won't trust him any more.


My position from the beginning has been it depends on the activity.
I've never once said that people shouldn't have nights out, but they should be choosing the type of night out that reflects whether they are married or not.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> What do you mean by this? Your position is for everyone? How can it be for everyone if it's not for me?


Because you filter everything that is generalized into just you. 
I'm not going to write a 27 page treaty covering every possible point and subpoint to ensure clearness that I'm not talking about just you.
It wouldn't do any good, because you'll still filter it into being just about you.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Enigma32 said:


> A lot of people here acting like life is either black or white and it is not. People are mostly gray. Of course, everyone is going to say they would never cheat under any circumstances. I think most functioning adults should understand deep down that reality is different. It's not a matter of people either being a cheater who will always cheat or someone who will never do it. Morality is a sliding scale.


Not me, I say I don’t cheat simply because I choose not to, and so far have consistently chosen not to.

That said if I change my mind, I will then choose to cheat, then do exactly that.

Yet it still boils down to making a choice and doing that choice. Which is not something that ever happens by accident.

Those who cheat, want to cheat. Those who don’t want to cheat, don’t cheat.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> My position from the beginning has been it depends on the activity.
> I've never once said that people shouldn't have nights out, but they should be choosing the type of night out that reflects whether they are married or not.


OK, so the topic was about G/BNO, which is typically a situation with alcohol and sometimes the possibility of other people. 

So I'd be fine with my husband going to a bar with a bunch of his friends, and I wouldn't worry that he was picking up random women at the bar. He would be fine if I did the same and wouldn't have any concern. But you feel that those situations are too much temptation. Is that correct?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Because you filter everything that is generalized into just you.
> I'm not going to write a 27 page treaty covering every possible point and subpoint to ensure clearness that I'm not talking about just you.
> It wouldn't do any good, because you'll still filter it into being just about you.


OH ok I see what you're saying. Yeah, you're making that up, I'm not doing that. You, however, are still creating strawmen arguments to try to force me to defend a post or statement so you can discredit my entire position. Which I don't understand, because what do you care if there is someone out there who disagrees with you? Why do you need me to be wrong about this?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> So I'd be fine with my husband going to a bar with a bunch of his friends, and I wouldn't worry that he was picking up random women at the bar. He would be fine if I did the same and wouldn't have any concern.


Same. My wife went to a happy hour with coworkers on Tuesday.

I have gone out literally 100s of times and even got propositioned by a hooker on one of those occasions and was too dense to even recognize it. We just got to the hotel bar and hadn’t even started drinking yet. I was like that’s odd this young lady is barely wearing clothes and she wants to hang with us? The hotel threw her out.

I don’t think a person is doomed to cheat if presented with the right conditions.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

Personal said:


> You and I clearly have significant differences in our definitions.
> 
> As far as I am aware sin is a transgression against the law of God or a rebellion against God.
> 
> ...











WWUTT: Sin Means to Miss the Mark?


The word “sin”, as it appears in the Bible, comes from the Greek word Hamartia or the Hebrew word Hata, which both mean “to miss the mark” or “flawed”.




www.patheos.com





It means to be less than ideal.
From there, it would be broken down to whether or not you missed it deliberately or whether you simply could have done better.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> OK, so the topic was about G/BNO, which is typically a situation with alcohol and sometimes the possibility of other people.
> 
> So I'd be fine with my husband going to a bar with a bunch of his friends, and I wouldn't worry that he was picking up random women at the bar. He would be fine if I did the same and wouldn't have any concern. But you feel that those situations are too much temptation. Is that correct?


I said the ideal is to avoid it altogether.
That doesn't mean that I think simply showing up at a bar means you're going to be unfaithful.
It just plays the odds, that's all.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Rus47 said:


> Wife never did GNO and didn't want to. I never did BNO, and didn't want to. We didn't live a singles lifestyle after we married. We go places with other married couples. We did life together with our children.
> 
> But that is us, and we are dinosaurs. Irrelevant in today's world.


I'll take that a little further - I never did the bar or party scene when I was young and single. To this day I have never picked anyone up in a bar and wouldn't even know what to say or do if I was to try. 

I never had any interest in bar girls or party girls, and they certainly never had any interest in me. 

My wife partied her share when she was upper teens-early 20s but she was 25-26 when we first started seeing each other and had pretty much got past that by then and has never been a GNO person. And her inner circle of friends are all normal, decent people and not cheaters or partiers or a drinkers etc. 

Does that mean we are immune and it can't ever happen at some point? No, but I think people who have a cheat'n heart, have a cheat'n heart whether they are at work, at the gym, at the Rotary Club meeting or at the bar. 

Someone who wants to cheat and has a mind to cheat, will find ample opportunity and a target-rich environment at a GNO. 

However A GNO is not going to take someone that does not want to cheat and has no intention of cheating and turn them into a cheater. 

For someone to end up getting down with someone not their spouse, a series of factors and stars all need to line up and fall into place. One of the key pieces to that puzzle is they have to want to and at least be open to the idea of it occurring. 

IMHO GNOs do not create cheaters. But cheaters and boundary pushers go on GNOs and either try their luck or push their limits.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> OH ok I see what you're saying. Yeah, you're making that up, I'm not doing that. You, however, are still creating strawmen arguments to try to force me to defend a post or statement so you can discredit my entire position. Which I don't understand, because what do you care if there is someone out there who disagrees with you? Why do you need me to be wrong about this?


I haven't asked you to do anything. 😎


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

If GNO/BNO is ok and spouses should always be trusted, where does that trust end? If your husband says he would never cheat on you, but you find out he was going to Asian massage parlors and getting a massage from some beautiful girl, do you think hubby is turning down that happy ending or no? What if your husband was caught with a prostitute in his car and he said he was just giving her a ride. Trust him still? If your wife is going to the same personal trainer 6 days a week for a year but she hasn't lost any weight, still trust her? There has to be a line in the sand somewhere, where people are behaving in a way that is unbecoming of a married person. Where that line is will be different from person to person.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Enigma32 said:


> If GNO/BNO is ok and spouses should always be trusted, where does that trust end?


I trust my wife to go out with her friends, even on multi-night trips. Her friends are all married, most have kids, and they’re very square. Not a party crowd at all and most of them I have never seen have more than maybe one cocktail including my wife.

Now if I married a drunken floozie that hit on everyone then maybe not.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

"Floozie be gone spray" is a TAM product.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Enigma32 said:


> A lot of people here acting like life is either black or white and it is not. People are mostly gray. Of course, everyone is going to say they would never cheat under any circumstances. I think most functioning adults should understand deep down that reality is different. It's not a matter of people either being a cheater who will always cheat or someone who will never do it. Morality is a sliding scale.


I don’t know if I agree, disagree or what I think of this statement. It’s valid, but at the same time… I think there are people that wouldn’t cheat regardless of external circumstances because we (yes I include myself in this group) value other things more greatly that just aren’t conducive to affairs maybe. 

I guess that might be a topic for a new thread? I’m not sure. Good food for thought though. 👍


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> "Floozie be gone spray" is a TAM product.


I’d like some of that. It’s like my city is infested. Can I get it in a fog type mechanism?


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> Yup. Hardly what she tried to represent it as and actually included men as well.
> 
> People need to keep rape in the right category because @Gabriel implied no such thing and didn't even come off like snow said he did if this is what she was referring to.
> 
> ...


Yes...I'm not sure why the rape comment ?
Seems to be misplaced


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> I trust my wife to go out with her friends, even on multi-night trips. Her friends are all married, most have kids, and they’re very square. Not a party crowd at all and most of them I have never seen have more than maybe one cocktail including my wife.
> 
> Now if I married a drunken floozie that hit on everyone then maybe not.


Yeah, if that was the situation, I'd be trusting too. My wife went out and had pizza with her friend the other day and I trusted her too, no problem. What do you do though, if your wife meets a new female friend that IS floozie-ish in your estimation? What if your wife dresses provocatively and says she wants to go out with that friend to a new local bar that seems unsavory? Would you still have the same, unshakeable trust? Rhetorical question. Personally, I'd be wary. 

I posted in the "Do your trust your partner" thread and answered that I trust but verify. I trust pizza night with a friend. GNO, especially if it seems iffy, might be time to verify.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

QuietRiot said:


> I’d like some of that. It’s like my city is infested. Can I get it in a fog type mechanism?


Hahahaha! I can't recall the thread it came up in but it was obviously unforgettable.😋

I think it should have the fog, wide spread and streaming settings.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

What an echo chamber, I find here.

Most everyone posting is over 40, some over 60.

All are members of the choir, each stating how virtuous you all are.

A bit of _virtue signaling_ going on, hmmm?

Where was this fidelity when you were young and foolish?

Oh, that is never mentioned.

Most of you made those bad choices, when younger.

I know, I saw you.

Maturity is a good thing, a proper outcome.

But, for many, it was hard won.

You lost face.
Sad faces that never properly heal.

High School Reunions never attended.
Why?
So much shame felt of that time would surely resurface.

Righteous are those Saints and liars.
Saints, they are few, liars are the many.

Some beings are shielded, sheltered, and delivered a good fate.
I am not she, my Father shares the underground with Satan, himself.

It is good that (most) of you have found the better path.
Many do not.


*Circe- "The Red Queen"*


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

QuietRiot said:


> I don’t know if I agree, disagree or what I think of this statement. It’s valid, but at the same time… I think there are people that wouldn’t cheat regardless of external circumstances because we (yes I include myself in this group) value other things more greatly that just aren’t conducive to affairs maybe.
> 
> I guess that might be a topic for a new thread? I’m not sure. Good food for thought though. 👍


The way I see it, we all have a price. I've worked in hotels a good part of my life, and I've stepped into customers' rooms where I had access to their valuables. What do you do when you enter someone's room and you see a $20 on the table. I wouldn't pick that up because I'm not a thief. What do you do if instead of a $20, you find a box of hundreds? Maybe you aren't a thief but you have money problems and that box could change your life. Do you take it? That's more temptation than the $20, by a long shot. Temptation isn't just a matter of being tempted or not. Life isn't that simple.

By the way, that box of hundreds thing actually happened here. A guy left a legit box of around $15k in his room by mistake. He's lucky it wasn't taken.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

One rule does not fit all. You can't say everybody will do this or I can't let my wife go out because everybody does the same thing because that's not true.

There are low empathy people and there are high empathy people. High empathy people would never want to take a chance on hurting someone they love. Low empathy people just don't think it's that big of a deal.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Enigma32 said:


> The way I see it, we all have a price. I've worked in hotels a good part of my life, and I've stepped into customers' rooms where I had access to their valuables. What do you do when you enter someone's room and you see a $20 on the table. I wouldn't pick that up because I'm not a thief. What do you do if instead of a $20, you find a box of hundreds? Maybe you aren't a thief but you have money problems and that box could change your life. Do you take it? That's more temptation than the $20, by a long shot. Temptation isn't just a matter of being tempted or not. Life isn't that simple.
> 
> By the way, that box of hundreds thing actually happened here. A guy left a legit box of around $15k in his room by mistake. He's lucky it wasn't taken.


Yes true. But there are people that wouldn’t touch piles of money that weren’t theirs for any reason at all, that would easily spend a night cheating with a hooker. Or vice versa. I don’t think our vulnerabilities all lie along a cheating spectrum of some sort and everyone has vulnerability to all things. If that makes sense.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I used to have keys to every branch of one specific bank in the city. Usually worked with a partner.. Some of them that was always on their mind. It was never on my mind. 

People are just different. Honestly if you have a spouse who wants to cram you into the same box that they're in because they have some vulnerability there, might be that's just not the match for you.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

QuietRiot said:


> Yes true. But there are people that wouldn’t touch piles of money that weren’t theirs for any reason at all, that would easily spend a night cheating with a hooker. Or vice versa. I don’t think our vulnerabilities all lie along a cheating spectrum of some sort and everyone has vulnerability to all things. If that makes sense.


We all have different problems, yeah. I just think it relates to the whole GNO/BNO thing though. Because maybe it's easy for your partner to remain faithful by ignoring DMs of admirers on social media, but if they have too many drinks on a night out and someone they find incredibly attractive offers a night of NSA fun? Different level of temptation. Then factor in that your partner put themselves in that situation for a reason. To me, that is part of the reason people don't trust it. Me, I would have more trust in a partner that didn't knowingly put themselves in compromising situations and just demanded I trust them anyway.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

What’s hilarious is I’m the “liberal” when I’m saying I don’t accept ANY excuse for cheating. I don’t believe people fall to temptation because they’re weak. I think they fall to temptation because they want to. I’m as guilty of saying “all people do something” as anyone else because I do not believe anyone cheats by accident and I’m not buying their remorse is sincere for any reason other than they got caught. I’m taking the hardest line imaginable about cheating, literally zero tolerance and no reconciliation. For either side. Women who cheat are scumbags just as much as men who cheat.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Enigma32 said:


> We all have different problems, yeah. I just think it relates to the whole GNO/BNO thing though. Because maybe it's easy for your partner to remain faithful by ignoring DMs of admirers on social media, but if they have too many drinks on a night out and someone they find incredibly attractive offers a night of NSA fun? Different level of temptation. Then factor in that your partner put themselves in that situation for a reason. To me, that is part of the reason people don't trust it. Me, I would have more trust in a partner that didn't knowingly put themselves in compromising situations and just demanded I trust them anyway.


Yes I agree. I think we need to question the whys of them enjoying those situations maybe. I’m not sure that trying to rein in the behaviors in someone who wants that environment so badly is going to solve anything either though. Picking well to begin with goes a long way, but for many of us it was far too late to put that cat back in the bag. What can you do.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

I have no issue with my wife going on a GNO. Locally she has been invited many times. She only ever attends a local trivia night at the local golf course bar. It's very tame . She never drinks, it's mostly old married couples. There are some singles but it's not the norm. Bottom line is I trust her. If I didn't then I guess I would think differently about it.


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## gguillermo (7 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> When I go out with girls we play bingo at the bar. Men are there. Some maybe make small talk. Never met any cougars who go to dance clubs intent on cheating. It seems so cliche. Good looking women can dress up and have a drink without looking for a hook up. It’s not going out, it’s the lack of character. Good women don’t switch to cheat mode when they go out. Women who cheat were always trash.


Apparently, you’ve never married a woman who had an ONS while being out with the girls. Many of us have. My ex met her AP on a GNO. I know guys who have hooked up with married women in the same environment. Women do this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

gguillermo said:


> Apparently, you’ve never married a woman who had an ONS while being out with the girls. Many of us have. My ex met her AP on a GNO. I know guys who have hooked up with married women in the same environment. Women do this.


Some women do it, not all. Some men do it too. that's the point.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> A bit of _virtue signaling_ going on, hmmm?
> 
> Where was this fidelity when you were young and foolish?


One can have all sorts of adventures when they're young, while still choosing not to cheat on any of their sexual partners who they have made promises of fidelity to.

I know I certainly did, sex with multiple partners at the same time, sex in front of friends, sex with different meetups within hours or less of the other one. Not forgetting the couple of times I was unknowingly the other man and the one instance when I knew I was. Yet none of those things involved my cheating on anyone who I have promised sexual fidelity to.



SunCMars said:


> High School Reunions never attended.
> Why?
> So much shame felt of that time would surely resurface.


I've attended some High School reunions, have met up with ex-girlfriends caught up and still sometimes catch up.

No regrets and no shame at all.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

gguillermo said:


> Apparently, you’ve never married a woman who had an ONS while being out with the girls. Many of us have. My ex met her AP on a GNO. I know guys who have hooked up with married women in the same environment. Women do this.


Women who choose to cheat on their sexual partners do that, while those other women who choose not to cheat, don't.

And while it's true I have never married a woman who had a one night stand while being out with the girls. I was married to a woman who chose to share a one night stand when she was at a party. Of which I divorced her, for it. As they say, life goes on.

Yet I am not foolish enough to presume that all women who go out with their friends will cheat on their partners. The ones who cheat, are the ones who want to cheat and choose to do exactly that. The other ones who don't want to cheat, are the ones who don't cheat.

Seriously this isn't rocket surgery to understand.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Be fair. You and your wife are a little on the ninja side.😉


Except for our quirky sides, I like to think my wife and are mostly pretty staid.



> I agree with you on your perspective though Mrs. C and I agree on no strippers. LoL!


Cool on not wanting to go to see strippers, I haven't been to a strip club for many years, since I find it all a bit boring. Although I do like painting pictures of naked women and men in person.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Interesting. This thread has brought some long forgotten memories regarding unexpected behavior when an opportunity arrives and how many women do GNO to get some fresh stuff out of their dusty nooks in the back of my brain.

I did attend one bachelor party where a stripper was brought in. I am a strictly "don't touch" type, but after a few drinks I was standing at the kitchen sink talking to the stripper and just unconsciously put my hand on her hip. She promptly took it off. I had no conscious intent to touch her and I would have taken my hand off in embarrassment if she had not. I have absolutely no idea why I put my hand on her hip.

My wife had a friend a few years back who was predatory. I don't think married or single mattered. She was married, had her hubby get a vasectomy and then got her tubes tied without his knowledge. My wife hung around, rode bikes with her and went with her on a week long group kayaking trip to Baja California.

I assumed that the friend was going on the kayak trip looking for stud athletic dudes, but I had no worries about my wife going. It turned out that most of the members of the group were lesbian and assumed my wife and friend were another pair. I thought that was hilarious. I rubbed it in by inviting the girls and the one man who'd been on the tour to our house for wine, num nums and a schmooze and have photos to laugh over.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

in one of the topics about GNO in the last few days or so , we saw where the wife went to bar with her friend , we don't know anything about the friend we were told about how she went back to the mans place with a group of people and that they had more drink there , later the others went home which shows that most people know when to call it to a stop we don't know if her friend went home or not all we know about was the wife ended up having sex with the stranger , 

most people do not GO out on a men's or women's night out and end up in bed with someone , 
it gets talked about as if it is common but not that common , just because most GNO and GUYS N out end up boring we done even see them 
my mother never when out on a GNO it was not her thing and we moved when young so been a married woman she did not have women friends outside having couples or friends over 
MY mother in law was more into the GNO but she stayed in the same area , and was more into things like women's groups , golf , horses , and cards , and went with her sisters and sister in laws , 

they they were the type that never talked about men and sex more about TUBBER WARE or what ever it was called and how to coke and make jam


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

first thing you would need to define GNO , there are many girls that go out and it is just a chat night girl talk ,like men go out and talk crap , 
when a bunch of us men are together the crap we talk about , cars , football , trucks , and boys toys , 
most things men talk about are crap , and something yes men are bigger gossips that women even though women have the name for it , 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH A GNO a bunch of mates talking about tools , most men will not want to hear about what ever women talk about , sometimes you even get a bunch of girls having a GNO with their gay friend ,


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

snowbum said:


> After the heated GNO threads, I have a question. If you’re married and opposed to GNO, does any of your opinion have to do with the possibility that perhaps you were either single or married and had a fling with a married wonan? Lots of “women can’t control themselves around men”. So being a man, did you engage in what you’re railing about women doing? Because I’m not hideous, but I still never banged a stranger at GNO nor do I know anyone who did. It’s insulting to here if a woman has a conversation with a man hormones kick in and they can’t resist. What the actual? Sick of the @ man just has to look at her and she’s in the sack” crap.


Huh?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Not an issue for me. I trusted my wife. We have said this a million times: what is a marriage without trust? If you worry about your wife going to a GNO, you've married the wrong person.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> What an echo chamber, I find here.
> 
> Most everyone posting is over 40, some over 60.
> 
> ...


 Ever cheated in my 20’s. Went to class reunions and didn’t cheat. Didn’t stay out til 3 with girlfriends. I can see a good looking guy, even buzzed and not cheat.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Most of the women would agree that their husbands should not do BNO, if it means going to someplace where they can act single.
> We aren't different in that respect.
> 
> If your husband wanted a BNO at a his sports stadium, you'd tell him to enjoy himself.
> ...


Strip clubs aren’t a normal BNO. Going to local bar down the block is


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

snowbum said:


> After the heated GNO threads, I have a question. If you’re married and opposed to GNO, does any of your opinion have to do with the possibility that perhaps you were either single or married and had a fling with a married wonan? Lots of “women can’t control themselves around men”. So being a man, did you engage in what you’re railing about women doing? Because I’m not hideous, but I still never banged a stranger at GNO nor do I know anyone who did. It’s insulting to here if a woman has a conversation with a man hormones kick in and they can’t resist. What the actual? Sick of the @ man just has to look at her and she’s in the sack” crap.


I dont know ANYONE who ever did what you described, but i'm not into the GNO thing either. People around here dont usually tolerate their partner partying late without them. Even more so when youre married and/or have kids. 

Going to a restaurant like, churrasco, go to the bar watch football with friends for 2h, but comming home till 10? Ok. 

Going to nightclub, getting drunk, comming late? VERY UNCOMMON. Especially if youre the woman (if youre the man doing that you can bet you will end up with a black eye and drama when you come home too).


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> Strip clubs aren’t a normal BNO. Going to local bar down the block is


Which is my point. 
If you're married, it's ok to do G/BNO on appropriate activities. 
Single oriented activities should not be done by married people. 
You go to single-type activities in order to work out of being single.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

happyhusband0005 said:


> I think you have to chalk it up to, whatever you have to tell yourself buddy. That actually kind of sounds like something a rapist would tell himself.


I’m s woman, actually.and it was a man that said when a man talks to a woman at a bar the woman is flooded with dopamine and cheats.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I disagree.
> You aren't tempted until you are.


You can’t see a beautiful person and not cheat? You can’t say to yourself” in another life that would be fun, but I’m committed so I’m not doing that?” That’s some low self control.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> You can’t see a beautiful person and not cheat? You can’t say to yourself” in another life that would be fun, but I’m committed so I’m not doing that?” That’s some low self control.


As I said, we creatures who do sinful things and we often overestimate our ability to do right things.
That's why you often hear people say, "I didn't mean to do this or I don't know what came over me"
99.999%, I am not susceptible to cheating.
However, could I guarantee in absolute fashion and every single time and under all possible circumstances and all my triggers for infidelity are being set off, that I wouldn't be tempted and give myself over to the temptation?
No. Neither would I say for everybody here that not cheating is an absolute guarantee under all circumstances and situations.
The only absolute guarantee against cheating is to not be in the vicinity where it could be an option.
Everything else is playing the odds.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> As I said, we creatures who do sinful things and we often overestimate our ability to do right things.
> That's why you often hear people say, "I didn't mean to do this or I don't know what came over me"
> 99.999%, I am not susceptible to cheating.
> However, could I guarantee in absolute fashion and every single time and under all possible circumstances and all my triggers for infidelity are being set off, that I wouldn't be tempted and give myself over to the temptation?
> ...


Interesting perspective 🤔


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> 99.999%, I am not susceptible to cheating.


You are restricting your life just because of that 0.0001% chance? Interesting...


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

snowbum said:


> Women who cheat were always trash.


.

Agree 100%. I don’t believe adultery is a rash decision. It’s either in your DNA or not. Usually based on upbringing.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> You are restricting your life just because of that 0.0001% chance? Interesting...


I am not restricted.
I have principles that I will not break and one of them is not knowingly putting myself in situations where it can go badly for me.

The Biblical definition of holiness, not that I'm claiming to be holy, is the willingness to live your life with being mindful of consequences.
The more of a holy outlook you have on life, the more likely you will live a life that is mindful of what could happen.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I am not restricted.
> I have principles that I will not break and one of them is not knowingly putting myself in situations where it can go badly for me.


You have principles for chances of infinitesimal proportions? Do you apply the same approach to your entire life? Not being funny... trying to understand. I'm fascinated by other people's life philosophies...


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I must not understand GNO"s because I always thought they were a bunch of women having dinner and good naturedly trash talking the men in their lives.

I did go bar hopping with some work girlfriends once but I hated it. I had men half my age harassing me and it was gross. One guy who was closer to my age was actually trying to sniff my hair. Eeeeewwww!

Everyone else laughed at me too and nobody cheated on their men. One of my closest friends was there and she still makes fun of me over the gross hair sniffer.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

SCDad01 said:


> .
> 
> Agree 100%. I don’t believe adultery is a rash decision. It’s either in your DNA or not. Usually based on upbringing.


I could see a person that typically would never cheat getting drunk an having an ONS. Once your inhibitions are lowered and your ability to make smart choices are impaired, alot of things can happen that one would typically not let happen. But it's all about putting yourself in those situations.

So, I guess the GNO kinda depends on the person and who the friends are and what the atmosphere is (singles bar, coffee shop or dinner).


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Everybody thinks they are strong, until they get hit a perfect situation for them/
> [/





Gregory Chaucery said:


> As I said, we creatures who do sinful things and we often overestimate our ability to do right things.
> That's why you often hear people say, "I didn't mean to do this or I don't know what came over me"
> 99.999%, I am not susceptible to cheating.
> However, could I guarantee in absolute fashion and every single time and under all possible circumstances and all my triggers for infidelity are being set off, that I wouldn't be tempted and give myself over to the temptation?
> ...


so what are your triggers? Just a younger woman with bigger boobs? I mean really you have specific things that make you WANT to cheat? You sound like a guy who would be pretty easy to get to cheat on his wife if you have lots of triggers.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

How about this: if you can’t keep your clothes on when you’re drunk, don’t drink. If you feel like banging strangers when drunk, divorce your spouse because you aren’t meant to be married.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I could see a person that typically would never cheat getting drunk an having an ONS. Once your inhibitions are lowered and your ability to make smart choices are impaired, alot of things can happen that one would typically not let happen. But it's all about putting yourself in those situations.
> 
> So, I guess the GNO kinda depends on the person and who the friends are and what the atmosphere is (singles bar, coffee shop or dinner).


Am I the only person on the planet who has zero interest in sex when drunk to the point of it affecting decision making. If i'm that drunk I'm looking to go to sleep by myself.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

snowbum said:


> How about this: if you can’t keep your clothes on when you’re drunk, don’t drink. If you feel like banging strangers when drunk, divorce your spouse because you aren’t meant to be married.


I don't think it's that simple because people typically don't believe those things about themselves or their spouse.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> You have principles for chances of infinitesimal proportions? Do you apply the same approach to your entire life? Not being funny... trying to understand. I'm fascinated by other people's life philosophies...


As I said, the more awareness you have of what is right and what is wrong, the bigger those small consequences get.
I would have great difficulty living with myself if, because of my actions at any point in time, a child had his life ended.
I'm in no way a perfect person, but the less harm I do to those around me, the happier I am with myself.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> so what are your triggers? Just a younger woman with bigger boobs? I mean really you have specific things that make you WANT to cheat? You sound like a guy who would be pretty easy to get to cheat on his wife if you have lots of triggers.


I wouldn't know what my triggers are per se.
I'm only recognizing that I do have them, as we all do, and given a perfect storm, every one of us would fail ourselves.
Nobody gets through this life without being compromised.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Am I the only person on the planet who has zero interest in sex when drunk to the point of it affecting decision making. If i'm that drunk I'm looking to go to sleep by myself.


maybe you're just old


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> One guy who was closer to my age was actually trying to sniff my hair. Eeeeewwww!


I would have guessed Biden except for the age thing 🤣


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I wouldn't know what my triggers are per se.
> I'm only recognizing that I do have them, as we all do, and given a perfect storm, every one of us would fail ourselves.
> Nobody gets through this life without being compromised.


Yep, going to say I am not going to cheat on my husband. I do know that. It’s not going to happen.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> Yep, going to say I am not going to cheat on my husband. I do know that. It’s not going to happen.


That's what innumerable numbers of people have also said.
That's not to reject what you have said. However, as I said earlier, we overestimate ourselves and our capacity to resist doing wrong.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> As I said, the more awareness you have of what is right and what is wrong, the bigger those small consequences get.
> I would have great difficulty living with myself if, because of my actions at any point in time, a child had his life ended.
> I'm in no way a perfect person, but the less harm I do to those around me, the happier I am with myself.


Thank you!


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Am I the only person on the planet who has zero interest in sex when drunk to the point of it affecting decision making. If i'm that drunk I'm looking to go to sleep by myself.


Two of us....


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> I would have guessed Biden except for the age thing 🤣


Even falling down drunk this guy had more consciousness then Biden 🤣


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> Thank you!


Yeah....I'm just looking to avoid puking!


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

snowbum said:


> Yep, going to say I am not going to cheat on my husband. I do know that. It’s not going to happen.


You are not every woman though are you. All men know their wife wouldn't cheat until they do. It all depends on the situation of the GNO and if your spouse feels comfortable with it. My wife is pretty boring so it almost always consists of dinner with her friends at some chain restaurant and lots of gossiping. I could care less. But if she was like hitting late night bars with her single friends, there would definitely be issues.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> maybe you're just old


I've been that way since high school.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

snowbum said:


> so what are your triggers? Just a younger woman with bigger boobs? I mean really you have specific things that make you WANT to cheat? You sound like a guy who would be pretty easy to get to cheat on his wife if you have lots of triggers.


I agree with this, anyone who says people cannot be away from their spouse and have a few drinks with friends without cheating WANTS to cheat. It’s a choice. They’re not “succumbing” to the evil temptations of someone, they are specifically looking for an excuse to cheat. The attitude that “I couldn’t control myself, I’m flawed” is the excuse they give to not take responsibility for cheating. It’s a “get out of jail free” card for cheaters. If you are desperate to cheat, don’t be married. Simple.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> One guy who was closer to my age was actually trying to sniff my hair. Eeeeewwww!


I can't resist asking. Was he by any chance a lifelong politician from Delaware? Sorry for OT.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


snowbum said:



More than one man posted women can’t resist male attention and dopamine makes them cheat

Click to expand...

*Hysterical.

And then what happened - they woke up?


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> I can't resist asking. Was he by any chance a lifelong politician from Delaware? Sorry for OT.


She says he was younger, so it could be a close relative.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> You are not every woman though are you. All men know their wife wouldn't cheat until they do. It all depends on the situation of the GNO and if your spouse feels comfortable with it. My wife is pretty boring so it consists of dinner with her friends at some chain restaurant and lots of gossiping. I could care less. But if she was like hitting late night bars with her single friends, there would definitely be issues.


And that kind of boundary should be discussed before marriage. That’s a character flaw not a “wife “ thing. I think women who glam up in painted on jeans and theater makeup going out clubbing after marriage don’t have their priorities in order. That’s just me.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

In my mind this all boils down to married people shouldn't act like a single people. That means GNO/BNO can be okay, but it depends on the environment. My wife does what I guess could be called a GNO. It is more like GEO (Girl's Evening Out), since she wouldn't be out much past 8 or 9 pm. Typically, they go out for dinner and drinks. There is nothing wrong with that. Likewise I'll go out to a bar to watch a game with friends, no issues there. These things happen very infrequently with us though. We would rather be spending time with each other. We either do things where we are totally into it together, or we go out with other couples and the women hang together and shoot the **** while the men do the same. 

What I see as inappropriate is when a married person starts going places and doing things that you expect of a single person. A good example is going out to a night club on ladies night. The sole purpose of a ladies night is to draw in as many women as possible by letting them in free or giving cheap drinks, so that they will in turn draw in as many full price paying men as possible. Everyone knows this. So if married women go out to ladies night, they know they are going some place that will be filled with men looking for women and they should not be involved in that, IMO. The reverse is true. Married guys going someplace on ladies night are going there knowing it will be packed with women and they shouldn't be involved in that either. That is just my view on this. 

I know some people will cheat and some won't, regardless of the environment. That is absolutely true. And, if they do cheat, regardless of circumstances, they had a character flaw that played into their cheating that was always there. There is definitely truth in that too, but I also think it isn't as black and white as that may seem. When you throw in some inhibition reducing alcohol and a little bit of "mob mentality" when you see all those men and women flirting and dancing people can end up doing things they typically would never have done. Certainly wouldn't have done if they weren't in that situation in the first place. 

A couple years ago I saw some of this play out, to some degree. My wife and I were out at a local bar/restaurant that has live music. Our table was right by the stage and there was a table of 4 or 5 women right behind us. They were on a GNO and having a good time. I was obvious that they were pretty tipsy. At one point one of the women loudly says, "I want to make out so badly with the drummer". She followed that up with, "but I love my husband". To her credit, she professed her love for her husband and didn't do anything that I witnessed. At the same time she was feeling the hots for the drummer and was uninhibited enough by the alcohol to verbalize it. I bet nothing more than this happens during most GNOs. However, change the environment a little. Instead of the drummer being on the stage have him standing at their table flirting with her. Give her one or two more drinks and it could have an entirely different outcome, or maybe not. But is that a risk really worth taking? I don't see why any married person would want to put themselves in that high risk of a situation.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

snowbum said:


> And that kind of boundary should be discussed before marriage. That’s a character flaw not a “wife “ thing. I think women who glam up in painted on jeans and theater makeup going out clubbing after marriage don’t have their priorities in order. That’s just me.


Maybe they weren't mature enough to have that discussion prior to marriage and now it is coming up.

So then, aren't you agreeing that some GNOs aren't appropriate? I don't understand this. You seem to have started this thread with the idea that is controlling and bad form for a husband to not want his wife to be going on a GNO and acting like a single woman, but here you say a married women going out clubbing in painted on jeans doesn't have their priorities in order. So a husband not being okay with certain GNOs is okay?


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> In my mind this all boils down to married people shouldn't act like a single people. That means GNO/BNO can be okay, but it depends on the environment. My wife does what I guess could be called a GNO. It is more like GEO (Girl's Evening Out), since she wouldn't be out much past 8 or 9 pm. Typically, they go out for dinner and drinks. There is nothing wrong with that. Likewise I'll go out to a bar to watch a game with friends, no issues there. These things happen very infrequently with us though. We would rather be spending time with each other. We either do things where we are totally into it together, or we go out with other couples and the women hang together and shoot the **** while the men do the same.
> 
> What I see as inappropriate is when a married person starts going places and doing things that you expect of a single person. A good example is going out to a night club on ladies night. The sole purpose of a ladies night is to draw in as many women as possible by letting them in free or giving cheap drinks, so that they will in turn draw in as many full price paying men as possible. Everyone knows this. So if married women go out to ladies night, they know they are going some place that will be filled with men looking for women and they should not be involved in that, IMO. The reverse is true. Married guys going someplace on ladies night are going there knowing it will be packed with women and they shouldn't be involved in that either. That is just my view on this.
> 
> ...


People also change over time. 
Right now, they are staunch faithful people. They prove how faithful they are, by taking risks of putting themselves in single situations and they declare how they resisted temptation. 
Six years later, they are apologizing to their spouse because they were always certain they would be faithful to the grave.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Me and one of my serious bfs each named a celeb we'd be tempted by and agreed if that happened, so be it. I can't remember whose his was. I swear we would both have gotten over it.


Ana de Armas

If she came on to me (which would NEVER happen), I'd be toast.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I could see a person that typically would never cheat getting drunk an having an ONS. Once your inhibitions are lowered and your ability to make smart choices are impaired, alot of things can happen that one would typically not let happen. But it's all about putting yourself in those situations.
> 
> So, I guess the GNO kinda depends on the person and who the friends are and what the atmosphere is (singles bar, coffee shop or dinner).


Sure drunk people make stupid decisions. But a married person getting drunk and having sex with a stranger is something you blame on the person's character and morals, not alcohol.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> Yup. Hardly what she tried to represent it as and actually included men as well.
> 
> People need to keep rape in the right category because @Gabriel implied no such thing and didn't even come off like snow said he did if this is what she was referring to.
> 
> ...


Thanks Conan. 

For the record, I'm totally okay with GNOs. If you have to keep your spouse on a leash to the point they can't go out with their friends, you've got serious problems, IMO.

Grinding on the dance floor - and accepting free drinks from men, is a hard no. But there is no reason why a woman or a man can't go hang with friends, even at a bar. 

To clarify the dopamine comment (which I believe isn't even on this thread?), one can deny this to their own peril. But when someone you find attractive flirts with you, dopamine is real, and it chemically changes your brain. And as I said, MOST people are righteous enough to not let that cause bad behavior. HOWEVER, lots of people will stand up a little straighter, look a little nicer, subconsciously smile or put their hair behind their ear, etc, etc. because of the drug. I've seen it 1000000x and felt it myself.

Why do you think attractive people do better in life? People want to be around them, want to increase their interactions with them. This doesn't mean they are going to bang them, or even entertain it. But the subconscious reactions are there, most of the time. And that's caused by dopamine. It's just science.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

Gabriel said:


> Thanks Conan.
> 
> For the record, I'm totally okay with GNOs. If you have to keep your spouse on a leash to the point they can't go out with their friends, you've got serious problems, IMO.
> 
> ...


I was at a bank once and the teller, who was a bit more attractive than average.
One of her customers was a very masculine male with a mustache and had shoulder length hair. 
Kind of a biker type of a guy.
The teller in question was doing all the unconcious flirting that women do when they are very attracted to man, like grooming their hair and stuff.
It's all unconcious on her part, but she couldn't help herself in that situation.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

SCDad01 said:


> Sure drunk people make stupid decisions. But a married person getting drunk and having sex with a stranger is something you blame on the person's character and morals, not alcohol.


I just have zero tolerance for cheating or for cheater apologists. If the only reason you never cheat is because you never had a chance, is that really being faithful?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

When I was single gno groups were easy ons pools. I tried to avoid all married women but unbelievably not all women were honest up front. Most, but not all.

From a single guy's pov one of the first scans in a club at night was to identify the gno tables. Every time.

Gno opportunities were so plentiful that even at times I went to pick up a friend needing a ride late night there were women that I brought home.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I don't want to be one of "those" people who comes on and brags about all the people coming on to me every time I leave the house because I'm such a sexy beast of human perfection 😋, but I have had plenty of strangers offer to buy me drinks. The answer is no. Why? Because I am married and I'm an adult and I know who I am. I'm not sure if I was ovulating or not. I don't remember howling at the moon or chewing the furniture, is it like Jekyll and Hyde? Would I black out? I'm not sure. 🤪


See, this sort of gets to the point I was making in that other thread. I personally don't have any issues in principle with nights out, like what DownByTheRiver mentioned earlier, going with friends to the bar to see a bank. Of course a person can't control what others do, which is also my point. You can't control who does and who doesn't buy you drinks. But...

In the case of many of the women in my wife's social circle who are in exclusive relationships, and this is not the first time I had ever seen this behaviour either, but it was accepted practice for some of these women, and fully encouraged by the others to purposely remove their rings with the intent of concealing the fact that they were married so as to encourage attention from men. So sort of the exact opposite of what you described. The mindset was, and I suppose I can understand it to some extent, that they were not going to cheat, but if the guys want to buy them drinks, hey...a fool and his money, and all that. While I can understand it, I completely disagree with it. Aside from the fact that it is completely deceptive, it is also dangerous.

And in the case of my daughters destination bachelorette party, no, I suppose there was no cheating in the sense that none of the women went back to some guys room and banged him, there were no clandestine trips to the bathroom for a quickie. They all stayed in the main bar and dance floor areas, however there was a lot of touchy feely, kissing, groping, and grinding to the point where one of the women believed she made a guy cum in his pants right there on the dance floor. So no, there was no cheating in the sense that no penises went into any of their vaginas, but a whole lot of lines got crossed.

Of course the purposeful removing of rings did not cause that, but it is an indication of a broader mindset regarding interaction with men. I don't believe for a second that any of the women set out to cheat, and in the strictest sense, none of them did. They were all able to keep themselves individually and as a group from going back to any rooms, or into the bathroom, or the parking lot, but that didn't stop some of them from behaving completely inappropriately


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

SCDad01 said:


> Sure drunk people make stupid decisions. But a married person getting drunk and having sex with a stranger is something you blame on the person's character and morals, not alcohol.


Maybe. I would never cheat on my wife. But get me drunk and have a very attractive woman rub all over me, I'd like to say I'd resist, but who knows. But I'm not stupid enough to get myself in situations like that. I think it's just as much about avoiding situations like that as it is resisting temptation once put in the situation and with impaired judgement at that.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Me and one of my serious bfs each named a celeb we'd be tempted by and agreed if that happened, so be it. I can't remember whose his was. I swear we would both have gotten over it.


And who was YOUR celeb???


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

samyeagar said:


> In the case of many of the women in my wife's social circle who are in exclusive relationships, and this is not the first time I had ever seen this behaviour either, but it was accepted practice for some of these women, and fully encouraged by the others to purposely remove their rings with the intent of concealing the fact that they were married so as to encourage attention from men. So sort of the exact opposite of what you described. The mindset was, and I suppose I can understand it to some extent, that they were not going to cheat, but if the guys want to buy them drinks, hey...a fool and his money, and all that. While I can understand it, I completely disagree with it. Aside from the fact that it is completely deceptive, it is also dangerous.


I find women who behave this way disgusting. Not because they're dancing around the edges of cheating, but because they are liars. They are pretending to be available to trick men into buying them drinks. That is fundamentally dishonest, and if someone is of low enough character that they will lie to get attention, it is not a stretch to believe they would also cheat. But this has zero to do with where they are and what they're doing. These women are not of good character no matter where they are.


samyeagar said:


> And in the case of my daughters destination bachelorette party, no, I suppose there was no cheating in the sense that none of the women went back to some guys room and banged him, there were no clandestine trips to the bathroom for a quickie. They all stayed in the main bar and dance floor areas, however there was a lot of touchy feely, kissing, groping, and grinding to the point where one of the women believed she made a guy cum in his pants right there on the dance floor. So no, there was no cheating in the sense that no penises went into any of their vaginas, but a whole lot of lines got crossed.


Again, none of this is remotely acceptable. But it wasn't because of where they are that they did these things. It's because of WHO they are. Now, its harder to grind on a stranger in the grocery store than it is in a club, but the woman who is doing that is the same person in the grocery store that she is in the club. She is a person who can't be trusted. It isn't that she shouldn't be allowed to go out with her friends to a club, it's that she is not someone who can be trusted anywhere and if she's in a place where cheating happens more easily then she will cheat. Not because of the place, but because she is looking to cheat. 


samyeagar said:


> but that didn't stop some of them from behaving completely inappropriately


Of course not, because that is the kind of person they are. Someone who behaves inappropriately does it anywhere they can.

One poster said that I was wrong to believe that people can have nights out without their spouse unless I would agree to my husband going to strip clubs (and presumably cheating while he was there). The truth is, the reason I don't want him to go isn't because I think he would cheat if he were there. Because I honestly do not believe that he would do that, if I thought I had to police his every move I wouldn't have married him. Could I be wrong? Of course I could. I could be misplacing my trust. But if he did cheat, I wouldn't care where he was or who he was with or if he was drunk, and I would never believe the time I found out about was the first time. I have absolutely ZERO tolerance for cheating. There is NO excuse. "I was drunk," "it was an accident," "I was tempted," these are ALL JUST EXCUSES for someone doing what they wanted to do anyway. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. So if you want other women, go forth and be happy. We will part amiably and be done. But lying to me and saying you "couldn't control it" and "it was an accident" insults my intelligence.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I just have zero tolerance for cheating or for cheater apologists. If the only reason you never cheat is because you never had a chance, is that really being faithful?


Just playing devils advocate mainly, but maybe it's simply knowing ones limitations. Like a recovering gambler could walk into a casino and show his strength by walking right back out, but if he has a bad day and couple hundred bucks, he may stumble. Just like I'm not gonna booze up and walk into a night club (and partly because I'm too damn old).


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> And whose was YOUR celeb???


I'll never tell. It was a musician of course.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Just playing devils advocate mainly, but maybe it's simply knowing ones limitations. Like a gambler could walk into a casino and show his strength by walking right back out, but if he has a bad day and couple hundred bucks, he may stumble. Just like I'm not gonna booze up and walk into a night club (and partly because I'm too damn old).


I don't disagree with this at all. I said earlier that if you know you're going to cheat if you go to a club, then not going is the responsible choice. I wouldn't want to be married to that person, because I'd want to be married to someone who actually wanted to be with me, but it is important to know your limitations. (Honestly I don't know why someone who doesn't want to be faithful to someone would marry in the first place, just stay single and you can sleep around all you like. Makes no sense to me why you'd take a vow you have no desire to keep.) I don't keep certain foods in the house because I know that if I have a couple of glasses of wine I will overeat. It's a different class of behavior because it doesn't hurt others, but the theory is the same. Know yourself and make life choices accordingly.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I just have zero tolerance for cheating or for cheater apologists. If the only reason you never cheat is because you never had a chance, is that really being faithful?


Yes it is....because you haven't cheated. Period.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Jimi007 said:


> Yes it is....because you haven't cheated. Period.


Not really. You still desperately want to cheat. And you'll eventually find yourself in a situation where you will. A neighborhood barbeque, wife is out of town... people who want to cheat will ALWAYS find a way. So just not going to a bar with your friends because you'll cheat isn't changing what kind of person you are. You still wish you weren't stuck with the person you're with and want out.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

snowbum said:


> When I go out with girls we play bingo at the bar. Men are there. Some maybe make small talk. Never met any cougars who go to dance clubs intent on cheating. It seems so cliche. Good looking women can dress up and have a drink without looking for a hook up. It’s not going out, it’s the lack of character. Good women don’t switch to cheat mode when they go out. Women who cheat were always trash.


Why does a spouse need to go to a bar/club to start with. You can meet up and hang with friends at their house. Or go on luncheon together. Wanting to go to bar/club w/o spouse is a red flag to me, and would call into question the person's intentions. 

Yes I was picked up at a bar 2x by married women, did not know until I dropped one off at home(she was in 40s, i was 23, she was very much the cougar and the aggressor, I believe she was pissed at hubby so here she was) 

The other one I received phone call from upset hubby about wife gone off the rails. Never saw/spoke to either adultress again.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Not really. You still desperately want to cheat. And you'll eventually find yourself in a situation where you will. A neighborhood barbeque, wife is out of town... people who want to cheat will ALWAYS find a way. So just not going to a bar with your friends because you'll cheat isn't changing what kind of person you are. You still wish you weren't stuck with the person you're with and want out.


For the love of God girl.....you can't get into someone's head , If they didn't cheat they didn't cheat ...Now we're going on the assumption that they would cheat if giving the opportunity.. ? That's cheating ?
...


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> What if they just like to go to bars to see bands? I wouldn't have quit doing that for anyone, and none of my bfs would have ever wanted me to.


Why is their SO not with them to see the band ?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Personal said:


> One can have all sorts of adventures when they're young, while still choosing not to cheat on any of their sexual partners who they have made promises of fidelity to.
> 
> I know I certainly did, sex with multiple partners at the same time, sex in front of friends, sex with different meetups within hours or less of the other one. Not forgetting the couple of times I was unknowingly the other man and the one instance when I knew I was. Yet none of those things involved my cheating on anyone who I have promised sexual fidelity to.
> 
> ...


I think part of the issue is people understanding what cheating really means. A whole lot of people think if they went out a few times and then the person goes out with someone else, that that is cheating, when there was no commitment to begin with and so it isn't cheating. It is dating. 

I mean you could be dating for months off and on, but if there's been no discussion of commitment or agreement on it, you are not cheating. Sometimes people do go out with someone and it never gets serious and maybe it's just a light fun relationship and neither one of you are thinking this could lead to marriage. I've certainly had that. 

If one person is more invested than the other and they've been going out let's say a few months and then find out the other person is still dating around, it can certainly be very hurtful and I've certainly been hurt that way myself. But I had to face the reality that there was no commitment and that that was not cheating. Lots of people imagine they have a commitment when in fact it's never even come up in conversation. 


And I agree with you that you can be very active socially and sexually without ever cheating on anyone. I believe you could be like that and also be a person who would be very loyal and never betray the person you finally settled on as a partner.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Did you know that women exist for other reasons than to interact with penises? 😱. 😉😂😂😂😂





DownByTheRiver said:


> Shocking! I hope the men don't find out


Some few men think so and would perhaps be shocked.
Most do not.
That most do women are low quality and most men have such opinion (so being themselves of low value) are a pair of remaining myths of the "gender wars"

By the way, men (or some of them) are not only their penises.
I will resist the temptation so will not say "Did you know that?"
Wouldn´t be fair.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Jimi007 said:


> For the love of God girl.....you can't get into someone's head , If they didn't cheat they didn't cheat ...Now we're going on the assumption that they would cheat if giving the opportunity.. ? That's cheating ?
> ...


No, that's not what I mean. I'm saying that if you know that you would cheat if you had the opportunity, then you want to cheat. If you want to cheat, then why are you married? I wouldn't want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to me. If you want to cheat on your spouse, male or female, then you don't really want to be married. Also, I think that the attitude that you should avoid the opposite sex because you'll be too tempted to not cheat is just an excuse for when you DO cheat, so you can say it was out of your control. 

It seems like most people believe that everyone cheats when given the opportunity, but I disagree with that. I think good people don't cheat, regardless of opportunity. And if opportunity is the only reason you're not cheating, then you really want out of your marriage so you can be with other people. So why be married? 

Most people seem to agree with you that married people should avoid other people so they don't cheat. They are forbidding their spouses to hang out with their friends unsupervised and some even not doing it themselves because they believe everyone will cheat if given the opportunity. You guys may be right, I could be projecting on to others, expecting they have the same standards for themselves that I have for myself. If I wanted to screw other dudes, I'd divorce out of respect for my H. I wouldn't just avoid other dudes, because the problem isn't the other dudes. I'm not sure this makes sense to anyone, no one really seems to get what I'm saying.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

frenchpaddy said:


> in one of the topics about GNO in the last few days or so , we saw where the wife went to bar with her friend , we don't know anything about the friend we were told about how she went back to the mans place with a group of people and that they had more drink there , later the others went home which shows that most people know when to call it to a stop we don't know if her friend went home or not all we know about was the wife ended up having sex with the stranger ,
> 
> most people do not GO out on a men's or women's night out and end up in bed with someone ,
> it gets talked about as if it is common but not that common , just because most GNO and GUYS N out end up boring we done even see them
> ...


You've got to read your last paragraph. Laughing so hard.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Not really. You still desperately want to cheat. And you'll eventually find yourself in a situation where you will. A neighborhood barbeque, wife is out of town... people who want to cheat will ALWAYS find a way. So just not going to a bar with your friends because you'll cheat isn't changing what kind of person you are. You still wish you weren't stuck with the person you're with and want out.


You are right, people who want to cheat will always find a way. What I, and I think many others are talking about, is putting yourself into a situation where you end up doing something you never planned on doing or wanted to do in any way, shape or form. When I was much younger and hadn't met my wife yet I went to a party with some friends. I told myself I was going to pace myself and not get ****faced, just have some fun. After a couple beers someone broke out a bottle of tequila. Before I knew it I was eating the worm and I woke up the next day in a house I didn't recognize. Yes, it was my fault and I made bad choices. However, if I hadn't put myself into that position in the first place none of that would have happened. At the time I wasn't wise enough to recognize the risk I was taking by putting myself into that environment and that I lacked the self control to not make those bad choices in that environment. 

I'm going to steal a quote from a @samyeagar post about his step daughter's bachelorette part and the **** show that ended up being. He states it very well IMO.



samyeagar said:


> A conversation my wife and I had a couple days ago really seemed to hit home with her. I explained that most of my decisions in life come down to some variant of risk vs. reward. I always assume there will be things that I cannot foresee, that I cannot account for. My marriage is singularly important to me, and there is no activity that is so rewarding that it is worth even minimal risk our marriage. That behaviours do not happen in a vacuum, and things such as removing rings for free drinks is actively increasing the risk.
> 
> She asked if I was saying that she shouldn't have gone. I explained that no, I was not suggesting that at all, I was saying that given what was known before hand about the plans and intentions, and people who were going to be there, the entire open and upfront intent of the party was to push boundaries and risk level. It was not a secret and didn't take much reading between the lines to figure out that this was an excursion to deliberately go get drunk and party with men who were not the explicitly excluded partners. That had I been faced with the decision to go or not go, I would have chosen not to go.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> they they were the type that never talked about men and sex more about TUBBER WARE or what ever it was called and how to coke and make jam


This is obviously because English is your second language. Your English is worlds better than my French so I'm certainly not making fun of you, but this is adorable and hilarious.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

DamianDamian said:


> I think it's more than 'making choices'. Human nature is that sometimes we lack self control. What if a married woman was ovulating, her husband had been ignoring her and she'd had a few too many and this male aquaintance of hers was a shoulder to cry on at the bar? Seems like a slippery slope. The most noted psychiatrists agree that self control is not absolute. I wouldn't put a tub of ice cream on my coffee table if I was trying to diet. I wouldn't hang out in a brothel as a married man not to have sex, but just because I found the atmosphere 'fun'.
> The people most likely to cheat are those that think they are infallible simply because they do not want to cheat, and do not understand human nature.



This is ridiculous to me. If a husband is ignoring his wife there are issues going on in that relationship.

Women don't go crazy during ovulation, or when they are ignored. How can you make such an ignorant assumption? This is very disrespectful to women. All of a sudden women cannot control themselves alone or when they drink? This is ridiculous. 

Temptation is everywhere around us. If you don't respect your partner you'll cheat without any alcohol or drugs. 

I understand you don't trust yourself, but don't put us decent people in the same group of weak and disrespectful people.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Honestly I don't know why someone who doesn't want to be faithful to someone would marry in the first place, just stay single and you can sleep around all you like. Makes no sense to me why you'd take a vow you have no desire to keep.


Some people want to have their cake and eat it to. Someone has to do his laundry and cook his meals, be the babysitter, or be her handyman and pay the bills.

They may want to be faithful/believe they have good intentions when they say "I do". People can convince themselves of all sorts of things if they want to.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> You are not every woman though are you. All men know their wife wouldn't cheat until they do. It all depends on the situation of the GNO and if your spouse feels comfortable with it. My wife is pretty boring so it almost always consists of dinner with her friends at some chain restaurant and lots of gossiping. I could care less. But if she was like hitting late night bars with her single friends, there would definitely be issues.


I do not think your second sentence is true. I think a lot of men are so insecure or so predisposed to being tempted themselves that they are always suspicious from the first that their woman will cheat and I think this thread is proof of that. And that is their problem.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I disagree.
> You aren't tempted until you are.


I disagree.
But if you say so, may be YOU...


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I find women who behave this way disgusting. Not because they're dancing around the edges of cheating, but because they are liars. They are pretending to be available to trick men into buying them drinks. That is fundamentally dishonest, and if someone is of low enough character that they will lie to get attention, it is not a stretch to believe they would also cheat. But this has zero to do with where they are and what they're doing. These women are not of good character no matter where they are.
> 
> Again, none of this is remotely acceptable. But it wasn't because of where they are that they did these things. It's because of WHO they are. Now, its harder to grind on a stranger in the grocery store than it is in a club, but the woman who is doing that is the same person in the grocery store that she is in the club. She is a person who can't be trusted. It isn't that she shouldn't be allowed to go out with her friends to a club, it's that she is not someone who can be trusted anywhere and if she's in a place where cheating happens more easily then she will cheat. Not because of the place, but because she is looking to cheat.
> 
> ...


But this is where it gets so complex and is not black and white such as being fundamentally dishonest. More situationally dishonest, and dancing that line.

In the case of the bachelorette party, I think most would agree that the behaviour was inappropriate, however, there would be disagreement if asked "Did any of them cheat?" Likewise, did they actually lie if the men never asked them if they were married, and they just failed to disclose that information? I think that things at the bachelorette party went way further than any of the women actually intended or set out to have happen. I think they were just so self assured that they could walk that line. They took actions to set up a certain scenario, and failed to take into account that most that whole situation was things that were beyond their control.

I know all the women involved, and I don't think that stone cold sober in a neutral environment, any of them would ever cheat on their partners. Hell, I don't think any of them on their normal girls nights, even removing their rings, would cheat, but at the same time, I bet none of them would have ever thought they would do what they did.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Divinely Favored said:


> Why is their SO not with them to see the band ?


Well in MY case (NOT that I go out to bars to see bands any more), my wife doesn't like most of the music I like, and even bands she DOES like, she doesn't like all of the songs and doesn't want to listen to "any of that stuff".
She's not a huge fan of live music in general, while I love to see live music.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

samyeagar said:


> See, this sort of gets to the point I was making in that other thread. I personally don't have any issues in principle with nights out, like what DownByTheRiver mentioned earlier, going with friends to the bar to see a bank. Of course a person can't control what others do, which is also my point. You can't control who does and who doesn't buy you drinks. But...
> 
> In the case of many of the women in my wife's social circle who are in exclusive relationships, and this is not the first time I had ever seen this behaviour either, but it was accepted practice for some of these women, and fully encouraged by the others to purposely remove their rings with the intent of concealing the fact that they were married so as to encourage attention from men. So sort of the exact opposite of what you described. The mindset was, and I suppose I can understand it to some extent, that they were not going to cheat, but if the guys want to buy them drinks, hey...a fool and his money, and all that. While I can understand it, I completely disagree with it. Aside from the fact that it is completely deceptive, it is also dangerous.
> 
> ...


I agree with you that removing the ring is wrong, because I think that's a low gold digger type thing to do and I associate gold diggers with being on the six worker scale somewhere. So I would be put off by the gold digger aspect of it. And I guess the drink buying thing must be different by locale because that was never a big thing any place I was at.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

samyeagar said:


> But this is where it gets so complex and is not black and white such as being fundamentally dishonest. More situationally dishonest, and dancing that line.


I understand what you're saying. I just disagree that they're being tricked or tempted or "carried away" in a way that is out of their control. I don't accept any excuses for cheating. Anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse, in my opinion, you shouldn't be doing. Everyone has control over themselves and adults don't get "carried away." They can say "I wouldn't have done that if I weren't <insert excuse here>, and perhaps it's true, but that is no excuse.


samyeagar said:


> ikewise, did they actually lie if the men never asked them if they were married, and they just failed to disclose that information?


This is just another excuse. Everyone knows when men buy women drinks it's to get sex. Not telling them they're married is a deliberate lie of omission. Again, these are just excuses to make it "okay" to cheat.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I do not think your second sentence is true. I think a lot of men are so insecure for so predisposed to being tempted themselves that they are always suspicious from the first that their woman will cheat and I think this thread is proof of that. And that is their problem.


For sure some are. I actually know a guy that's cheated on his wife multiple times. Yet everytime his wife is away from him he starts suspecting her of cheating and blows up her phone.

I don't think that is normal behavior though. He has issues...


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> Why is their SO not with them to see the band ?


I have two close girlfriends whose husbands never wanted to go do that with them. One had anxiety and I don't know why the other one didn't want to but she said he never wanted to go do anything.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I don't think that is normal behavior though. He has issues...


Based on the responses to this thread, I do think that is normal behavior.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Based on the responses to this thread, I do think that is normal behavior.


Studies show women cheat as much as men so it's not just men.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I do not think your second sentence is true. I think a lot of men are so insecure for so predisposed to being tempted themselves that they are always suspicious from the first that their woman will cheat and I think this thread is proof of that. And that is their problem.


Well, your thoughts don't line up with a ton of proven history.

I've lost track a long time ago of how many men had absolute trust and their wives woke them up harshly to the fact that they shouldn't have.

It has happened countless times to women as well but your statements about it just being insecurity, suspicion, paranoia or projection isn't close to accurate given the uncountable history on this site alone.

Your thoughts here are simply not in line with proven facts and history.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Studies show women cheat as much as men so it's not just men.


No, it's not just men and I didn't say it was. I said that people who cheat themselves are the ones most suspicious of their spouses.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I don't disagree with you that you are still making the choice.
> You made the choice to entertain your thought to go put yourself in a position of temptation, at the least of things.
> You have conscious motivations, "I'm going to the bar to cheat."
> But you also have unconscious motivations, where you aren't aware that you could be vulnerable to cheating that day.
> It's still a choice, I agree.





Gregory Chaucery said:


> I don't disagree with you that you are still making the choice.
> You made the choice to entertain your thought to go put yourself in a position of temptation, at the least of things.
> You have conscious motivations, "I'm going to the bar to cheat."
> But you also have unconscious motivations, where you aren't aware that you could be vulnerable to cheating that day.
> It's still a choice, I agree.


If my spouse went to club with GF and got drunk and had sex with another guy, I don't care if she said she was drunk or not. She should not have been getting inebriated and placing herself in a position to let her boundaries go and have sex with another. 

Blows my mind when people want to claim rape when they were a very active participant and just got drunk and threw their inhibitions to the wind and screwed the person they picked up at the club. 

By that count, men could file rape against girls because there are times where they were an active participant in the sex, but if they were not drunk, they would not have went down that road with that girl. Hell I know of at least twice, one I do not remember the sex at all, found out about it because the girl mentioned to my friend that she had F'ed me.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Did you know that women exist for other reasons than to interact with penises? 😱. 😉😂😂😂😂


Of course. For me that would be all other women but my W.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Divinely Favored said:


> Blows my mind when people want to claim rape when they were a very active participant and just got drunk and threw their inhibitions to the wind and screwed the person they picked up at the club.


Uh.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Am I the only person on the planet who has zero interest in sex when drunk to the point of it affecting decision making. If i'm that drunk I'm looking to go to sleep by myself.


I hate being drunk, and the few times I have been in my life, I’d rather have crawled in a hole and die. I imagine I looked like something from The Exorcist. I thought I was the only person that finds drunkenness in myself and others antithesis to sexy.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> No, it's not just men and I didn't say it was. I said that people who cheat themselves are the ones most suspicious of their spouses.


I just wanted to clarify since the poster I responded specifically said men.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I understand what you're saying. I just disagree that they're being tricked or tempted or "carried away" in a way that is out of their control. I don't accept any excuses for cheating. Anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse, in my opinion, you shouldn't be doing. Everyone has control over themselves and adults don't get "carried away." They can say "I wouldn't have done that if I weren't <insert excuse here>, and perhaps it's true, but that is no excuse.
> 
> This is just another excuse. Everyone knows when men buy women drinks it's to get sex. Not telling them they're married is a deliberate lie of omission. Again, these are just excuses to make it "okay" to cheat.


I think most people operate with more shades of grey around this kind of stuff than you and I do. In principle, I agree with you, but at the same time, I also try and understand, not agree with, not condone, or anything else like that, but understand the vast areas of grey many other see and operate within.

I also think that a lot of people are too dismissive of certain situations, that it never even occurs to them the things that could go wrong. Of course everyone knows that bars and clubs are meat markets, and when men buy women drinks, it is in the hope of sex. But at the same time, a lot of people are way too over confident in their abilities to judge situations and control them before they find themselves in over their heads. Because it could never happen to them right? Because they are strong and in control and just want to have a good time.

The situation with my daughters bachelorette party is not uncommon, and I imagine that in almost every case, and as was the case with that party, that if you'd asked before hand, none of them set out with intent to have happen what happened, and none of them ever even considered that as a possibility.

The thing with that party though, is that when I heard what the plans were and who was attending, my wife and I had multiple discussions about it where I did express my concerns. My concerns were of course dismissed, and my wife was even a little offended because I had such a low opinion. The thing is, on the last night of the extended weekend, she was on the phone with me from the club multiple times as things were spiraling out of control with our daughter and some of the other women, asking me what she should do.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

QuietRiot said:


> I hate being drunk, and the few times I have been in my life, I’d rather have crawled in a hole and die. I imagine I looked like something from The Exorcist. I thought I was the only person that finds drunkenness in myself and others antithesis to sexy.


If I'm drunk, the drunk person seems normal. When I'm sober the drunk person seems retarded.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> Why does a spouse need to go to a bar/club to start with. You can meet up and hang with friends at their house. Or go on luncheon together. Wanting to go to bar/club w/o spouse is a red flag to me, and would call into question the person's intentions.


If your friends like drinking (mine do). I recently went to lunch with a buddy and after we went to a dive bar a couple doors down and had a few beers. We could have walked back to his house but I like bars. While we were there we met the manager who also runs other bars in the area. Turns out he runs one of the bigger bars we used to go to a long time ago and now also the new hot “piano bar” about a mile from my house. Now I’m bringing my wife in for the piano show since we can get a table.

My dad goes to the same bar every day.

It’s a social space for people who like drinking and hanging out, that’s it.

Bonus points for sports and keno or other types of gambling.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> Not an issue for me. I trusted my wife. We have said this a million times: what is a marriage without trust? If you worry about your wife going to a GNO, you've married the wrong person.


True.
And if you trusted your partner and became dissapointed about "you've married the wrong person".
Either way, learn to choose better.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Of course. For me that would be all other women but my W.


When you were single, the world was just one big penis sheath though.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> For sure some are. I actually know a guy that's cheated on his wife multiple times. Yet everytime his wife is away from him he starts suspecting her of cheating and blows up her phone.
> 
> I don't think that is normal behavior though. He has issues...


This is very common for people who have cheated and are cheating. Cheaters are usually terrified of having the gift returned in kind.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

QuietRiot said:


> This is very common for people who have cheated and are cheating. Cheaters are usually terrified of having the gift returned in kind.


I guess I've met a few cheaters that were very confident their wife would never cheat and if they did they would drop them like yesterday's trash. 

This guy I was talking about is actually mentally ill and cant hold a job, I really think he is just a typical loser.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

samyeagar said:


> . But at the same time, a lot of people are way too over confident in their abilities to judge situations and control them before they find themselves in over their heads.


I don't disagree with this in theory, because on the whole people are very naïve about the amount of control they will have in a situation. But to me this is a concern more around assault than anything voluntary like cheating. 


samyeagar said:


> none of them set out with intent to have happen what happened, and none of them ever even considered that as a possibility.
> 
> The thing with that party though, is that when I heard what the plans were and who was attending, my wife and I had multiple discussions about it where I did express my concerns.


Yeah, but did they really? They had to know what those situations are primarily about. I imagine there were at least a couple of those women who considered that to be the goal, not just a possibility.


samyeagar said:


> she was on the phone with me from the club multiple times as things were spiraling out of control with our daughter and some of the other women, asking me what she should do.


Whichever of the women who were "spiraling out of control" would have done so regardless because that is who they are as people. They can't be trusted. I'd be surprised if every single one of the women behaved the same way. Were there a few who were egging it on and taking it too far? I actually cut my bachelorette short because I was having a couple of drinks with friends and one woman I knew from work suddenly started bringing men to our table and trying to get me to get a lap dance from strange men in a bar. We had to leave, because I found out that she is a cheater and I didn't know that about her before. 

Cheaters will use ANY excuse and claim it wasn't that bad and it wasn't their fault.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

My husband and I do GNO and BNO. My husband goes out a lot more than me. He goes on trips and he loves music festivals where people go crazy. That's too much for me, but I've never had a problem with my husband cheating or anything like that. I think if I had a problem with it, if I told him no, he'd look for a way out, just like my former Catholic school classmates did it because the rules were so strict they needed to release the craziness in them. 

I want my husband to choose me freely. I'm married to him but he's not my prisoner. If he wants someone else, he's free to go and he knows it. Maybe this is why my husband goes out to have fun but it's respectful to our marriage and has me present in his mind and heart all the time. I encourage him to go out when I'm not in the mood. I want him to be happy and do things he likes to do. There's that connection he has with his male friends and he needs the social interaction to feel complete. I'm an introvert and I'm ok at home watching a movie. I'll go out whenever I feel like going out. 

I definitely cannot be married to someone who wants me attached to his hip. I need space and time alone as well. I don't even want to meet someone else. Cheating is not in my mind at all.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Sorry that happened to you. One of my friends whose wife was an NP started an affair with the doc she worked for. My friend caught the doc between floors in a stairwell and proceeded to beat the living hell of of him. Doc wound up looking like a racoon with three broken ribs. My pals the divorced his harlot of a wife.
> 
> I served on a hospital board. Screwing around is rampant in a hospital


My nephew back in 2016 had a wife that was a nurse. He busted her with Doc who was 44 she was 24. They are now marred. Doc’s ex wife was harsh in his divorce. Destroyed my nephew at the time but he has remarried to a wonderful young lady moved back to Kentucky from Montana. His ex who is 29 now has already started botoxing he told me.
I to C he dodged a bullet with her. Hospitals are what my late mother would call “dens of sin”.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I guess I've met a few cheaters that were very confident their wife would never cheat and if they did they would drop them like yesterday's trash.
> 
> This guy I was talking about is actually mentally ill and cant hold a job, I really think he is just a typical loser.


That’s interesting! Obviously humans are fickle and can’t be predicted but I find that behavior odd. I also believe there are many different kinds of affairs and they all stem from different issues with boundaries in different ways. 

A drunken one night stand isn’t the same kind of self control loss as a workplace affair that builds over time from a too cozy repertoire, which isn’t the same as an exit affair, and that isn’t the same as a revenge affair and all these completely different from a serial cheater with zero remorse. We can group all of these into affairs, but I don’t think they all stem from the same issues within the betrayer.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I don't disagree with this in theory, because on the whole people are very naïve about the amount of control they will have in a situation. But to me this is a concern more around assault than anything voluntary like cheating.
> 
> Yeah, but did they really? They had to know what those situations are primarily about. I imagine there were at least a couple of those women who considered that to be the goal, not just a possibility.
> 
> ...


There were a few single women on the trip that absolutely were looking for a fun time with the guys. And there were a few women, including my wife, who were there to try and keep control like making sure everyone got back to the cabins safely, didn't pass out, things like that. Then there were the other married women who just wanted to get drunk and have a good time. They knew what the situation was, but yeah, I don't think it ever occurred to them that they could find themselves in the situation they did. Because none of them would ever cheat, and I suppose technically, none of them did because none of them ended up with a penis inside them.

When the mindset going in is that they are just going to get drunk, dance, have fun, coupled with there not being anything wrong with talking to men, and if they want to buy me a drink...well, that one less I have to pay for, and hey, it's only dancing, it's not like I am blowing him in the bathroom, couple that with copious amounts of alcohol, and it is very easy for thing to get out of control. As evidenced by the fact that many of the women had very fuzzy recollections of the night before.

Another thing too is that very few people would actually have it in them to stand up to someone the way you describe about your bachelorette party. That is where group think and collective IQ start to get very detrimental. People can see what is happening, but are too afraid the be THAT PERSON to try and put a stop to it, and instead go with the flow even though they know it is wrong.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

pastasauce79 said:


> My husband and I do GNO and BNO. My husband goes out a lot more than me. He goes on trips and he loves music festivals where people go crazy. That's too much for me, but I've never had a problem with my husband cheating or anything like that. I think if I had a problem with it, if I told him no, he'd look for a way out, just like my former Catholic school classmates did it because the rules were so strict they needed to release the craziness in them.
> 
> I want my husband to choose me freely. I'm married to him but he's not my prisoner. If he wants someone else, he's free to go and he knows it. Maybe this is why my husband goes out to have fun but it's respectful to our marriage and has me present in his mind and heart all the time. I encourage him to go out when I'm not in the mood. I want him to be happy and do things he likes to do. There's that connection he has with his male friends and he needs the social interaction to feel complete. I'm an introvert and I'm ok at home watching a movie. I'll go out whenever I feel like going out.
> 
> I definitely cannot be married to someone who wants me attached to his hip. I need space and time alone as well. I don't even want to meet someone else. Cheating is not in my mind at all.


That summarises exactly the way I feel too.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

QuietRiot said:


> That’s interesting! Obviously humans are fickle and can’t be predicted but I find that behavior odd. I also believe there are many different kinds of affairs and they all stem from different issues with boundaries in different ways.
> 
> A drunken one night stand isn’t the same kind of self control loss as a workplace affair that builds over time from a too cozy repertoire, which isn’t the same as an exit affair, and that isn’t the same as a revenge affair and all these completely different from a serial cheater with zero remorse. We can group all of these into affairs, but I don’t think they all stem from the same issues within the betrayer.


I personally think betrayed spouses spend too much time trying to fix their cheaters with therapy and by doing that blame it on some FOO (mommy/daddy issues). They then make the cheater the victim. I guess it easier to blame someone else then the person they are married to. IMO, some people just have ****ty boundaries and like the attention or just want some strange. Simple as that.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

samyeagar said:


> They knew what the situation was, but yeah, I don't think it ever occurred to them that they could find themselves in the situation they did.


Sounds like there were a few women who went into it planning to take it farther than would be appropriate for a married person, because they weren't married. 


samyeagar said:


> Another thing too is that very few people would actually have it in them to stand up to someone the way you describe about your bachelorette party. That is where group think and collective IQ start to get very detrimental. People can see what is happening, but are too afraid the be THAT PERSON to try and put a stop to it, and instead go with the flow even though they know it is wrong.


This goes back to character. If they're doing something they know is wrong, they're to blame for those actions. If they can't be in a situation where other people are jumping off a bridge without jumping themselves, that is weakness of character and doesn't depend on the situation. This is very like when a woman has a ONS and then cries "rape" in the morning because she regrets her decisions. Someone who says, "It wasn't my fault, it was the other people, I didn't want to ruin things for everyone else, I was pressured," all these are excuses for knowingly, deliberately doing something you know to be wrong. It is no excuse. 

Like I said, if you want to cheat and know the only way you won't is to eschew social situations, then do that. It's good to know that you've no drive to resist temptation. I personally wouldn't want to be married to someone like that, but it seems that I am not at all the norm in having those standards of behavior for myself and others. I will never accept that excuse for cheating, and I wouldn't want anyone, man or woman, to accept that excuse. Cheaters cheat, and they're only sorry that they got caught, not that they cheated.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

TexasMom1216 said:


> If you want to cheat on your spouse, male or female, then you don't really want to be married.


I have been happily married to my wife for many years. My wife is beautiful, slim, smart, educated, socially popular, and most of all a really nice person. I have never cheated on her, but this does not mean that I have not wanted to. Strong marital boundaries, and solid will power has been the answer for me. I really want to be married.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I personally think betrayed spouses spend too much time trying to fix their cheaters with therapy and by doing that blame it on some FOO (mommy/daddy issues). They then make the cheater the victim. I guess it easier to blame someone else then the person they are married to. IMO, some people just have ****ty boundaries and like the attention or just want some strange. Simple as that.


It is also really scary to have your life blown up and sometimes it's easier to endure the constant humiliation of not measuring up and not being worth being faithful to than to divorce and have your whole life (and the lives of your children) turned upside down. There's another thread with a woman who is going through this. It's a really sad situation, because her husband has destroyed their marriage completely and the responsibility to hold it all together is only on her. She has to eat the **** sandwich because he's the victim of a "wanton woman," it breaks my heart to read it.


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## Hurthusband77 (May 9, 2021)

My wife did more GNO than I ever did. I used to frequent strip clubs (late teens, early 20’s) and did a few GNO over the years.

Ironically, one weekend, decades ago, my wife (gf of 3 years at the time) had a fight, about my lack of marriage proposal, and I headed out with a bunch of friends for a weekend away. My wife was in school, so she couldn’t come, she had to study. While away, we were all drinking, having a good time and a couple of the women were starting to go at it and invited me to join. This was the stereotypical guys dream at this age. I thought about it for less than a second and said thanks, but no thanks, I’m in a relationship.

Meanwhile, my wife, at basically the exact same time, was at a school party and had a classmate basically say to her “hey, want to F?”, and she said yes, and screwed this guy in the garage, real classy.

We were both put in similar situations and we made different choices. Why, who knows. Come down to, my wife wanted to, the opportunity was there and she took it, while I didn’t.

My wife and discussed this recently (GNO) and the prevalence of people cheating. While in most cases, people that are in a committed relationship won’t cheat when the opportunity is there, some will. Clubs are full of men looking to hook up (not all, but go to a club on a weekend and most of the men are there for this reason). They wouldn’t keep doing it if there wasn’t some measure of success. It’s like the timeshare salespeople in Mexico. I think to myself, why are there so many of these salespeople, who goes away on vacation and buys a timeshare!? Evidently a lot of people do…

When my wife has wanted to go out with her gf’s and dance, she would usually go to a gay bar. She said the music and vibe was so much better and they didn’t have to worry about getting constantly hit on all night.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

pastasauce79 said:


> My husband and I do GNO and BNO. My husband goes out a lot more than me. He goes on trips and he loves music festivals where people go crazy. That's too much for me, but I've never had a problem with my husband cheating or anything like that. I think if I had a problem with it, if I told him no, he'd look for a way out, just like my former Catholic school classmates did it because the rules were so strict they needed to release the craziness in them.
> 
> I want my husband to choose me freely. I'm married to him but he's not my prisoner. If he wants someone else, he's free to go and he knows it. Maybe this is why my husband goes out to have fun but it's respectful to our marriage and has me present in his mind and heart all the time. I encourage him to go out when I'm not in the mood. I want him to be happy and do things he likes to do. There's that connection he has with his male friends and he needs the social interaction to feel complete. I'm an introvert and I'm ok at home watching a movie. I'll go out whenever I feel like going out.
> 
> I definitely cannot be married to someone who wants me attached to his hip. I need space and time alone as well. I don't even want to meet someone else. Cheating is not in my mind at all.


This is the attitude I had with my STBX! I always gave him ultimate trust and encouraged him to do his own thing. He has actually told me (several times) that my failure to get pissed that he was going out too much showed him I didn’t love him, and that encouraged him to have an affair. I’m still gobsmacked on that one.

(Im not saying you’re wrong for this attitude btw, but I obviously chose wrong.)


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> No, it's not just men and I didn't say it was. I said that people who cheat themselves are the ones most suspicious of their spouses.


I agree with this. I look at some who thinks everyone is trying to rip them off and immediately think that person probably rips people off themselves. Same with highly suspicious spouses, unless I know they have been burned by a cheater in the past I am suspicious of them.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I personally think betrayed spouses spend too much time trying to fix their cheaters with therapy and by doing that blame it on some FOO (mommy/daddy issues). They then make the cheater the victim. I guess it easier to blame someone else then the person they are married to. IMO, some people just have ****ty boundaries and like the attention or just want some strange. Simple as that.


Possibly! But the fix a cheater syndrome isn’t really about the cheater, it’s about the betrayed person trying to gain a semblance of control over their life. If we can fix it, we can regain the ability to control our lives. In reality, there is no control when you are in a relationship. But it’s just one of the things that happen when your world falls apart and and you’re looking into a void with zero good answers.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Sounds like there were a few women who went into it planning to take it farther than would be appropriate for a married person, because they weren't married.
> 
> This goes back to character. If they're doing something they know is wrong, they're to blame for those actions. If they can't be in a situation where other people are jumping off a bridge without jumping themselves, that is weakness of character and doesn't depend on the situation. This is very like when a woman has a ONS and then cries "rape" in the morning because she regrets her decisions. Someone who says, "It wasn't my fault, it was the other people, I didn't want to ruin things for everyone else, I was pressured," all these are excuses for knowingly, deliberately doing something you know to be wrong. It is no excuse.
> 
> Like I said, if you want to cheat and know the only way you won't is to eschew social situations, then do that. It's good to know that you've no drive to resist temptation. I personally wouldn't want to be married to someone like that, but it seems that I am not at all the norm in having those standards of behavior for myself and others. I will never accept that excuse for cheating, and I wouldn't want anyone, man or woman, to accept that excuse. Cheaters cheat, and they're only sorry that they got caught, not that they cheated.


Well I think we all agree cheating is wrong and inexcusable but some people believe in preventative measures vs walking right into the wolves den and relying on your wolf slaying abilities to carry you through.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

snowbum said:


> After the heated GNO threads, I have a question. If you’re married and opposed to GNO, does any of your opinion have to do with the possibility that perhaps you were either single or married and had a fling with a married wonan? Lots of “women can’t control themselves around men”. So being a man, did you engage in what you’re railing about women doing? Because I’m not hideous, but I still never banged a stranger at GNO nor do I know anyone who did. It’s insulting to here if a woman has a conversation with a man hormones kick in and they can’t resist. What the actual? Sick of the @ man just has to look at her and she’s in the sack” crap.


I am extremely late to this discussion, but it merits an answer in that you seem (maybe just my perception) to be asking much of this rhetorically. 

The short answer is yes and no.

When I was younger, I was an asshole. I had slept with at least 7 married women that I met in a bar/club, all before turning 25. 

I know another 20 or so stories of women cheating with their husband on either a GNO, or started in a bar/club. Granted, I was in the Army for 20 years, and that environment tends to see higher infidelity numbers than most. 

Now, do I believe that women can't control themselves? For the most part, I believe they can. BUT...I also believe that many, many women settled for the man they married. I think that scenario paints a ticking time bomb for either "the one that got away" or a stranger who ticks the right boxes that her husband does not, during the right time of her cycle (ovulation).

So in other words, the offending women (not all, but the cheaters) choose not to control themselves.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

snowbum said:


> More than one man posted women can’t resist male attention and dopamine makes them cheat


Most certainly the first part of your statement is largely true. 

The latter is debatable. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Well I think we all agree cheating is wrong and inexcusable but some people believe in preventative measures vs walking right into the wolves den and relying on your wolf slaying abilities to carry you through.


Again I say, these situations do not, in fact, grow around you without your knowledge and no one is forced to do anything they don't want to do. (If they are that is a totally different situation)

If you believe that people aren't responsible for cheating if they're at a bar with a drink in their hand, then no, you don't believe cheating is inexcusable because you just offered an excuse for it.

If someone is only faithful in their marriage because of lack of opportunity and would cheat at the slightest chance, then they should do what they have to do, but I wouldn't want to be married to someone who thought I was a last resort and plan B when better things don't work out for them and who had to avoid contact with other humans because everyone else in the world is more attractive to them than I am. I'd be utterly and completely humiliated to find out my H felt trapped with me and desperately wanted anyone else but me. Everyone is different though. My trust could be totally misplaced and my H could be cheating on me constantly and I wouldn't know, because I don't throw a fit when he leaves to house or try to keep him away from his friends because I think he'll cheat if he leaves the house without me watching him.

I guess I'd rather be the idiot who assumed he was like me than spend my life worrying about him every time he leaves the house. I'd rather fool myself that he actually cares about me, I suppose. You guys are probably right and I'm the naïve one here. But that's the choice I'm making.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

snowbum said:


> More than one man posted women can’t resist male attention and dopamine makes them cheat


I think one man did, not sure about multiple men saying that.

What was likely said was that when out on a GNO, partying, drinking, and flirting with other men is that is the reason they are engaging in GNO's, alot of times to get male attention and yes, see where it leads. Not all women.

That said, anyone, like myself, who has had experience with several significant others and GNOs, knows it usually ends up being a bad idea and disrespectful to SO's. Same goes for BNOs.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

farsidejunky said:


> I am extremely late to this discussion, but it merits an answer in that you seem (maybe just my perception) to be asking much of this rhetorically.
> 
> The short answer is yes and no.
> 
> ...


Did not realize you were such a Romeo LOL.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Me and one of my serious bfs each named a celeb we'd be tempted by and agreed if that happened, so be it. I can't remember whose his was. I swear we would both have gotten over it.


Her: Charlie Hunnam

Me: Carrie Underwood








And...

Anne Hathaway
Natalie Portman

And on...

And on...



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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

samyeagar said:


> There were a few single women on the trip that absolutely were looking for a fun time with the guys. And there were a few women, including my wife, who were there to try and keep control like making sure everyone got back to the cabins safely, didn't pass out, things like that. Then there were the other married women who just wanted to get drunk and have a good time. They knew what the situation was, but yeah, I don't think it ever occurred to them that they could find themselves in the situation they did. Because none of them would ever cheat, and I suppose technically, none of them did because none of them ended up with a penis inside them.
> 
> When the mindset going in is that they are just going to get drunk, dance, have fun, coupled with there not being anything wrong with talking to men, and if they want to buy me a drink...well, that one less I have to pay for, and hey, it's only dancing, it's not like I am blowing him in the bathroom, couple that with copious amounts of alcohol, and it is very easy for thing to get out of control. As evidenced by the fact that many of the women had very fuzzy recollections of the night before.
> 
> Another thing too is that very few people would actually have it in them to stand up to someone the way you describe about your bachelorette party. That is where group think and collective IQ start to get very detrimental. People can see what is happening, but are too afraid the be THAT PERSON to try and put a stop to it, and instead go with the flow even though they know it is wrong.


We're not all using a lemming brain. We're not all about to do something just because someone else does it . Not at all. People make their own decisions. The rest is excuses.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

bobert said:


> Some people want to have their cake and eat it to. Someone has to do his laundry and cook his meals, be the babysitter, or be her handyman and pay the bills.
> 
> They may want to be faithful/believe they have good intentions when they say "I do". People can convince themselves of all sorts of things if they want to.


I wish I could like this twice. 

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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

farsidejunky said:


> Her: Charlie Hunnam
> 
> Me: Carrie Underwood
> 
> ...


Did you tell her your "one" was actually three? 😂


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Again I say, these situations do not, in fact, grow around you without your knowledge and no one is forced to do anything they don't want to do. (If they are that is a totally different situation)
> 
> If you believe that people aren't responsible for cheating if they're at a bar with a drink in their hand, then no, you don't believe cheating is inexcusable because you just offered an excuse for it.
> 
> ...


 Given everything I’ve been through, I still won’t live in a situation where I can’t fully trust the person I’m with. It’s not a good feeling. Obviously now I would choose someone with values more aligned to my own were I to date again. The worrying, the toiling, the distrust, the drama…. No thank you. But really if I were dating someone and they seemed more interested in bar hopping and going out until all hours and spending all their time (or maybe any time) in a gym… I’ll just do a hard pass and not make a stink about it. Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

My wife did GNO’s with her work associates on a monthly basis. After I busted her, condition of R was no more GNO’s. She used these to meet up with POSOM afterwards. My BNO is typically a meeting of a veteran group I serve on the board of once per month, or going to my VSO to have a beer and shoot a few games of pool, or watch a game with my pals.

I am not a fan of GNO’s at all or bachelor or bachelorette party’s. I did not want one when I married as I had seen too many situations get way out of hand. I just had a steak dinner with my dad, my uncles and my friends. 

While I was flying back to Nashville last Friday, my wife and I were seated in the area of the plane where a bunch of young women were arriving for a bachelorette weekend. We heard their conversations about what they were going to do, what type of birth control,etc. TMI for this old Marine. My wife was appalled as a couple of the girls had wedding bands on. I wanted to go off on them and join their conversation, but I refrained. 

For the record I think these parties have ruined downtown Nashville. Thankfully, at least, the pedal bars are gone. Those of you familiar with Nashville know what I mean.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

farsidejunky said:


> I am extremely late to this discussion, but it merits an answer in that you seem (maybe just my perception) to be asking much of this rhetorically.
> 
> The short answer is yes and no.
> 
> ...


It's what you choose to do, bottom line.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

In fairness, I do not attempt to limit or stop my wife from GNO's. She only goes on maybe 1 or 2 per year, and is normally home by 11 or midnight.

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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Given everything I’ve been through, I still won’t live in a situation where I can’t fully trust the person I’m with. It’s not a good feeling. Obviously now I would choose someone with values more aligned to my own were I to date again. The worrying, the toiling, the distrust, the drama…. No thank you. But really if I were dating someone and they seemed more interested in bar hopping and going out until all hours and spending all their time (or maybe any time) in a gym… I’ll just do a hard pass and not make a stink about it. Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.


Nothing in the world wrong with standards. What's hilarious is that both H and I are too old to stay out much past 10 any more, and he can't drink because of his heart, so none of this really applies to us anyway. But if he'd still been doing the things he did when he was single when we were together, we wouldn't be together. I think I'm not expressing myself properly or something. People seem to think that I think there should be no limits. I don't know why they're drawing that conclusion, but whatever.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

TRy said:


> I have been happily married to my wife for many years. My wife is beautiful, slim, smart, educated, socially popular, and most of all a really nice person. I have never cheated on her, but this does not mean that I have not wanted to. Strong marital boundaries, and solid will power has been the answer for me. I really want to be married.


Just curious...if you are so in love with your wife like it seems, why even think about cheating? Just the male in you or something else?


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Nothing in the world wrong with standards. What's hilarious is that both H and I are too old to stay out much past 10 any more, and he can't drink because of his heart, so none of this really applies to us anyway. But if he'd still been doing the things he did when he was single when we were together, we wouldn't be together. I think I'm not expressing myself properly or something. People seem to think that I think there should be no limits. I don't know why they're drawing that conclusion, but whatever.


People interpret things how they will. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. 🙂


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Sounds like there were a few women who went into it planning to take it farther than would be appropriate for a married person, because they weren't married.
> 
> This goes back to character. If they're doing something they know is wrong, they're to blame for those actions. If they can't be in a situation where other people are jumping off a bridge without jumping themselves, that is weakness of character and doesn't depend on the situation. This is very like when a woman has a ONS and then cries "rape" in the morning because she regrets her decisions. Someone who says, "It wasn't my fault, it was the other people, I didn't want to ruin things for everyone else, I was pressured," all these are excuses for knowingly, deliberately doing something you know to be wrong. It is no excuse.
> 
> Like I said, if you want to cheat and know the only way you won't is to eschew social situations, then do that. It's good to know that you've no drive to resist temptation. I personally wouldn't want to be married to someone like that, but it seems that I am not at all the norm in having those standards of behavior for myself and others. I will never accept that excuse for cheating, and I wouldn't want anyone, man or woman, to accept that excuse. Cheaters cheat, and they're only sorry that they got caught, not that they cheated.


In this situation, none of the women that I am aware of went down the road of "It wasn't my fault." They didn't try and blame other people or even the booze. I don't think there was any intent or malice even. I just don't think they understood or considered the consequences of their actions until it was too late. They lacked situational awareness and foresight. All they wanted, therefore all they saw was getting drunk, dancing, and having a good time. Unfortunately, I think that describes the majority of people. You and I can look at it before hand and see that it is a dangerous road, and afterwards, we can say "Well, what the hell did you think was going to happen?" To you and I, it was as obvious as the nose on our face, and was almost an inevitable outcome, but a lot of people really struggle to connect those dots before hand, and it is only after a confluence of events to connect them for them do they realize.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Did not realize you were such a Romeo LOL.


I have a very high body count.

That was mostly due to insecurity and not being emotionally healthy enough to sustain any semblance of a long-term relationship when I was younger.

Sometimes being a player is done deliberately. Other times it occurs because that's the only thing one knows how to do.

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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

samyeagar said:


> In this situation, none of the women that I am aware of went down the road of "It wasn't my fault." They didn't try and blame other people or even the booze. I don't think there was any intent or malice even. I just don't think they understood or considered the consequences of their actions until it was too late. They lacked situational awareness and foresight. All they wanted, therefore all they saw was getting drunk, dancing, and having a good time. Unfortunately, I think that describes the majority of people. You and I can look at it before hand and see that it is a dangerous road, and afterwards, we can say "Well, what the hell did you think was going to happen?" To you and I, it was as obvious as the nose on our face, and was almost an inevitable outcome, but a lot of people really struggle to connect those dots before hand, and it is only after a confluence of events to connect them for them do they realize.


I’ve been around a lotta gals in these situations during my lifetime. I can fairly certainly say… they knew exactly how out of control things could get. I’m sure this isn’t the first time they went to the bars dressed in their ****-me heels and threw back tons of liquor.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Did you tell her your "one" was actually three?


Sometimes these things come up. It comes about with a statement something akin to:

"You know, there may be another one you have to worry about losing me to..."



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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> My wife did GNO’s with her work associates on a monthly basis. After I busted her, condition of R was no more GNO’s. She used these to meet up with POSOM afterwards. My BNO is typically a meeting of a veteran group I serve on the board of once per month, or going to my VSO to have a beer and shoot a few games of pool, or watch a game with my pals.
> 
> I am not a fan of GNO’s at all or bachelor or bachelorette party’s. I did not want one when I married as I had seen too many situations get way out of hand. I just had a steak dinner with my dad, my uncles and my friends.
> 
> ...


Nash Vegas. 

That place is nuts. 

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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Divinely Favored said:


> Why does a spouse need to go to a bar/club to start with. You can meet up and hang with friends at their house. Or go on luncheon together. Wanting to go to bar/club w/o spouse is a red flag to me, and would call into question the person's intentions.


Some people like to dance, others don't. So if a woman likes to dance with friends, but her H doesn't want to go, she can never do that again? It's one thing to accept free drinks or dance with men, but just going with your friends and rejecting advances should be okay, as long as it's not on a regular basis or in some well known meat market.

Or, a big football game is going on, and a bunch of guys want to hit the sports bar, be in a fun crowd for the game, they can't go unless spouses join them? 

Or what if a band is playing that only one of the spouse's has any interest in seeing?

Bottom line is that people are people - not caged animals that only are let out with permission. If you don't trust your spouse in those situations, then work on why. Or if one spouse is a party animal and loves the clubs and the other doesn't go - then maybe you aren't compatible partners.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

farsidejunky said:


> Nash Vegas.
> 
> That place is nuts.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


I went once. First and last time I ever tried sweet tea.




No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> For the record I think these parties have ruined downtown Nashville. Thankfully, at least, the pedal bars are gone. Those of you familiar with Nashville know what I mean.


What’s a pedal bar? Is it like that time I wandered into the wrong establishment in Tijuana?


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

farsidejunky said:


> Nash Vegas.
> 
> That place is nuts.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


I moved my office I had there from downtown to Brentwood. Fifth Avenue a few nights ago smelled like Bourbon Street in New Orleans when my wife and I were going to have dinner at Merchant’s. Thirty years ago, you could not give a piece or property on Lower Broadway to someone. Now it it radically different.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

QuietRiot said:


> I went once. First and last time I ever tried sweet tea.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


A mobile bar on four wheels powered like a bicycle. People during and pedal around on these things. Had a few injuries of people falling off and being injured. City Council banned these. I do not know about most of you, but when I have a drink I want to relax, not pedal my ass off.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

samyeagar said:


> In this situation, none of the women that I am aware of went down the road of "It wasn't my fault." They didn't try and blame other people or even the booze. I don't think there was any intent or malice even. I just don't think they understood or considered the consequences of their actions until it was too late. They lacked situational awareness and foresight. All they wanted, therefore all they saw was getting drunk, dancing, and having a good time. Unfortunately, I think that describes the majority of people. You and I can look at it before hand and see that it is a dangerous road, and afterwards, we can say "Well, what the hell did you think was going to happen?" To you and I, it was as obvious as the nose on our face, and was almost an inevitable outcome, but a lot of people really struggle to connect those dots before hand, and it is only after a confluence of events to connect them for them do they realize.


To me, it's almost disrespectful to expect that people can't manage themselves better than that. If they can't look at a situation and understand where it is very probably going, should they be allowed to say, drive? You have to look at the situation and know that if you don't stop at the red light, you'll cause an accident. If they don't have that ability, they're a danger to themselves and everyone else.


samyeagar said:


> a lot of people really struggle to connect those dots before hand, and it is only after a confluence of events to connect them for them do they realize.


Situational awareness and foresight are necessary skills for survival. I can see where very young people might struggle, which is why very young people probably shouldn't get married, they're not mature enough to make decisions that affect the rest of their lives. If someone is over the age of 25 or so and can't function without adult supervision, that sounds like something clinical that needs to be addressed. 

If you can't leave the house without cheating on your spouse, and your reason is, "I had no idea that if I went to a bar and flirted with men/women it could lead somewhere," you're either a liar or you should probably be wearing a padded helmet and not be allowed to use a fork.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> I went once. First and last time I ever tried sweet tea.


I'm born and raised in the South and used to drink sweet tea as a child. I can't any more, it's too sweet, makes my teeth vibrate.


QuietRiot said:


> What’s a pedal bar? Is it like that time I wandered into the wrong establishment in Tijuana?


Please start a new thread and tell me what happened in Tijuana. That sounds like a fun story.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> To me, it's almost disrespectful to expect that people can't manage themselves better than that. If they can't look at a situation and understand where it is very probably going, should they be allowed to say, drive? You have to look at the situation and know that if you don't stop at the red light, you'll cause an accident. If they don't have that ability, they're a danger to themselves and everyone else.
> 
> Situational awareness and foresight are necessary skills for survival. I can see where very young people might struggle, which is why very young people probably shouldn't get married, they're not mature enough to make decisions that affect the rest of their lives. If someone is over the age of 25 or so and can't function without adult supervision, that sounds like something clinical that needs to be addressed.
> 
> If you can't leave the house without cheating on your spouse, and your reason is, "I had no idea that if I went to a bar and flirted with men/women it could lead somewhere," you're either a liar or you should probably be wearing a padded helmet and not be allowed to use a fork.


The world is FULL of people that lack common sense, don't think in the moment, etc. to varying degrees and regardless of age. If they all went to therapy the world would have to be overrun with therapists.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It's what you choose to do, bottom line.


I don't disagree with this at all. Cheating is ALWAYS a choice. 

That said, not everyone agrees on where the harmless actions end and the cheating begins. There is a thread right now where this is being debated. 

Add to this the gaslighting/lying that takes place after the deed has been done.

Now let's consider what is generally happening in affairs. Keep in mind I am speaking generally. Yes...there are exceptions, but I believe most affairs (somewhere >50%) will fall under this premise. 

Affairs have currency. For the man, it is typically sex. For the woman, it is typically attention. When a woman is seeking attention and likes it, rationalizations can quickly add unstable ground to that slippery slope. And despite how some may want to disagree, we have seen time and time again on this site how a wayward wife allowed (chose) the attention to give them justification for suspension of boundaries. 

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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Nothing in the world wrong with standards. What's hilarious is that both H and I are too old to stay out much past 10 any more, and he can't drink because of his heart, so none of this really applies to us anyway. But if he'd still been doing the things he did when he was single when we were together, we wouldn't be together. I think I'm not expressing myself properly or something. People seem to think that I think there should be no limits. I don't know why they're drawing that conclusion, but whatever.


You've also described things that you do to actively shut down situations before they escalate. Not hiding your rings, not accepting drinks from men, things like that. However, there are an awful lot of people who don't think there is anything wrong with say accepting drinks, even though they know damned well that is sends a message of receptiveness and availability. Sure, they can stand on principle and say that's his problem, not mine, and they'd be correct, however reality is rarely principled.

Early on when we were dating, my wife and I had many discussions about things like this because I knew the attitudes of some of the women in her social circle from listening to their discussions, and there was one thing that I said to my wife that seemed to hit home and help her understand my point of view... Girls Nights are perfectly fine, but once men become involved, it is no longer a girls night. It's a mixed company night where partners are excluded.

Obviously the women can't control the actions of men around them, but they sure can control themselves and shut down the male attention.

I think the thing that bothers me the most about my daughters bachelorette party was they either failed to see, or saw and dismissed the flagrant recklessness of what they were planning. Reckless partners are not safe partners.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

farsidejunky said:


> I don't disagree with this at all. Cheating is ALWAYS a choice.
> 
> That said, not everyone agrees on where the harmless actions end and the cheating begins. There is a thread right now where this is being debated.
> 
> ...


Certainly. And of course if something's going on in the marriage that is headed for a deal breaker, people don't always get out of the marriage before they start acting out on it.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

samyeagar said:


> Obviously the women can't control the actions of men around them, but they sure can control themselves and shut down the male attention.


Which is all I'm saying. People who claim the situation "got out of control," men OR women, are lying to protect themselves. They know exactly what they are doing, I don't buy that they were tricked or fooled or swept away by the loud music and good times. And in the big kid world, we are responsible for our choices, we don't get to plead "I'm just a widdle giwl" or "she was a succubus" or any such nonsense to excuse that behavior. 


samyeagar said:


> I think the thing that bothers me the most about my daughters bachelorette party was they either failed to see, or* saw and dismissed the flagrant recklessness* of what they were planning. Reckless partners are not safe partners.


You're kinder than I am to assume this could be stupidity. I think it was recklessness, deliberate recklessness. They were putting them in that situation and counting on saying "It was a bachelorette party!" to get away with it.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

QuietRiot said:


> This is the attitude I had with my STBX! I always gave him ultimate trust and encouraged him to do his own thing. He has actually told me (several times) that my failure to get pissed that he was going out too much showed him I didn’t love him, and that encouraged him to have an affair. I’m still gobsmacked on that one.
> 
> (Im not saying you’re wrong for this attitude btw, but I obviously chose wrong.)


I'm guessing your ex is the kind of person who's gonna blame others for his mistakes. I might forgive an affair, but trying to excuse it or blame it on me, that's unforgivable. That shows a lack of integrity and maturity.

The majority of my ex boyfriends were men who had a busy social life and I never had a problem with them. I dated a musician who had women throwing themselves at him and he was loyal to me until we broke up. He had countless of opportunities to cheat on me and never did. Once I dated someone who didn't like me going out with friends, this person ended up getting cozy with one of his friends and dumped me with the excuse I wasn't social enough and didn't go out with him enough!?!? His excuses were cheap and immature. He apologized years later for his behavior. 

We can't control people. People are going to do whatever they want to do.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

When my wife and her friends went to Vegas for my wife's 40th I got a facetime call when they were at dinner and this little Italian guy is on the other end. He had seen they were celebrating her birthday and wanted to buy them a couple of bottles of champagne but he wanted her husbands permission. I said sure and he ended up buying them $1,700 worth of champagne. The waitress told them he was a regular and does this regularly, but won't buy women anything if their husbands don't consent first. It was kind of odd, he talked to me wished her a happy birthday and that was the last they heard from him. I wonder how many times he has done this and the husband said no, or if it ever caused a big fight between the woman and her husband.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Which is all I'm saying. People who claim the situation "got out of control," men OR women, are lying to protect themselves. They know exactly what they are doing, I don't buy that they were tricked or fooled or swept away by the loud music and good times. And in the big kid world, we are responsible for our choices, we don't get to plead "I'm just a widdle giwl" or "she was a succubus" or any such nonsense to excuse that behavior.
> 
> You're kinder than I am to assume this could be stupidity. I think it was recklessness, deliberate recklessness. They were putting them in that situation and counting on saying "It was a bachelorette party!" to get away with it.


And that's just it. Yes, they knew exactly what they were doing, but I don't think they properly assessed the risk they were placing themselves in. It was a very single focused, blinders on, all kinds of group feeding excitement about going away for a long weekend, drinking, dancing, friends... We're going to have fun! And because all we want to do is have fun, therefore, that is all that could possibly happen.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

samyeagar said:


> And that's just it. Yes, they knew exactly what they were doing, but I don't think they properly assessed the risk they were placing themselves in. It was a very single focused, blinders on, all kinds of group feeding excitement about going away for a long weekend, drinking, dancing, friends... We're going to have fun! And because all we want to do is have fun, therefore, that is all that could possibly happen.


Sounds like a deliberate action to me. I don’t make excuses for cheaters, or even for people who put themselves in these positions. It’s not that they didn’t know what would happen, they didn’t care. They thought “bachelorette party” would cover them. Just like “it was a strip club, that’s what you do there” or “it was just a one-time thing, it was a mistake” is supposed to cover for it. People are responsible for their choices. Full stop.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

samyeagar said:


> Girls Nights are perfectly fine, but once men become involved, it is no longer a girls night. It's a mixed company night where partners are excluded.


THIS


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

SCDad01 said:


> Just curious...if you are so in love with your wife like it seems, why even think about cheating? Just the male in you or something else?


The newness factor. My wife and I are very compatible and laugh at each other’s jokes and enjoy each other’s stories. When I find myself in a conversation with an attractive compatible woman, all of my jokes and stories are new to her, and her’s are new to me. Add in the cocaine like brain drugs that researchers tell us goes off only in the early parts of a relationship with someone that you find attractive, and I know to invoke my boundaries.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Sounds like a deliberate action to me. I don’t make excuses for cheaters, or even for people who put themselves in these positions. It’s not that they didn’t know what would happen, they didn’t care. They thought “bachelorette party” would cover them. Just like “it was a strip club, that’s what you do there” or “it was just a one-time thing, it was a mistake” is supposed to cover for it. People are responsible for their choices. Full stop.


I agree that they knew what could happen, I just think it was more along the lines of they didn't think about the possibility that it could happen to them.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

samyeagar said:


> I agree that they knew what could happen, I just think it was more along the lines of they didn't think about the possibility that it could happen to them.


I get it, you’re excusing them because you believe they were just careless. Most people are like you, they will excuse it away and not expect accountability. I take a really hard line, I’ve been cheated on too many times. I’m not going to stop anyone from doing anything, but cross a boundary and I’m gone. No discussion. If I’m not what you want, fine, I’m not going to excuse it and beg someone to please deign you be with me when they don’t want to. That’s my choice. As we see on here every day, most people aren’t black and white about cheating. And that’s ok, it’s their life, that’s just not for me. I’d rather be alone than be a consolation prize.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I get it, you’re excusing them because you believe they were just careless. Most people are like you, they will excuse it away and not expect accountability. I take a really hard line, I’ve been cheated on too many times. I’m not going to stop anyone from doing anything, but cross a boundary and I’m gone. No discussion. If I’m not what you want, fine, I’m not going to excuse it and beg someone to please deign you be with me when they don’t want to. That’s my choice. As we see on here every day, most people aren’t black and white about cheating. And that’s ok, it’s their life, that’s just not for me. I’d rather be alone than be a consolation prize.


I'm not so sure he is excusing them or giving them a pass.

If a husband's boundary is no GNO where there will be drinking, no problem, right?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I get it, you’re excusing them because you believe they were just careless. Most people are like you, they will excuse it away and not expect accountability. I take a really hard line, I’ve been cheated on too many times. I’m not going to stop anyone from doing anything, but cross a boundary and I’m gone. No discussion. If I’m not what you want, fine, I’m not going to excuse it and beg someone to please deign you be with me when they don’t want to. That’s my choice. As we see on here every day, most people aren’t black and white about cheating. And that’s ok, it’s their life, that’s just not for me. I’d rather be alone than be a consolation prize.


I'm not excusing, rather explaining. Yes, I do think that many, if not most people really are that careless, lack situational awareness, and are just flat out reckless with very poor risk assessment ability.

Just look at pretty much every aspect of life and how you see things that happen to people every day, and to say you and I, we can see as plain as day the sequence of choices and events that led to what we would see as an inevitable outcome, where we are left wondering how that person even manages to feed themselves without stabbing themselves in the eye. Yet we see it every day because most people are never really confronted with a situation where their lack of awareness can lead to truly disasterous consequences so never really had to develop those skills.

I have a well earned, and truly cherished nickname among my family and friends that I wear as a badge of honour... Dreamcrusher. Because I am always that guy who brings reality to even the dreamiest ideas. I'm the guy who brings up the things that could go wrong, the things that are beyond peoples control. I often have to point out that I am absolutely not a pessimist. I am a realist.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

pastasauce79 said:


> I'm guessing your ex is the kind of person who's gonna blame others for his mistakes. I might forgive an affair, but trying to excuse it or blame it on me, that's unforgivable. That shows a lack of integrity and maturity.
> 
> The majority of my ex boyfriends were men who had a busy social life and I never had a problem with them. I dated a musician who had women throwing themselves at him and he was loyal to me until we broke up. He had countless of opportunities to cheat on me and never did. Once I dated someone who didn't like me going out with friends, this person ended up getting cozy with one of his friends and dumped me with the excuse I wasn't social enough and didn't go out with him enough!?!? His excuses were cheap and immature. He apologized years later for his behavior.
> 
> We can't control people. People are going to do whatever they want to do.


He says he takes 100% responsibility for the cheating. BUT I didn’t make him feel loved (this was one of his reasons) and that’s why he was in a place to accept advances in the first place. In other words… it’s my fault. It doesn’t matter at this point; I think there are probably a couple guys in the world that would have appreciated my trust and not taken it for granted. He can now go find himself a controlling nag to show him true love. 

People definitely do exactly what they want to do regardless. I agree fully.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> If a husband's boundary is no GNO where there will be drinking, no problem, right?


What people do in their own marriages is their own business. Like I said, most people don't resist temptation when confronted with it, so they will assume no one else will either.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

QuietRiot said:


> I hate being drunk, and the few times I have been in my life, I’d rather have crawled in a hole and die. I imagine I looked like something from The Exorcist. I thought I was the only person that finds drunkenness in myself and others antithesis to sexy.


You're definitely not the only one; I rarely drink and never get drunk. I simply don't care to lose control of myself and am quite disgusted by people who do and avoid them. I've seen people do stupid things when drunk or even tipsy, so I'm not sure if it's simply their inner desires spilling out or truly the alcohol. Some people are really good lying to themselves about who they truly are and what they want, so who knows?


UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> If I'm drunk, the drunk person seems normal. When I'm sober the drunk person seems retarded.


I'm always sober, maybe that's why I'm quite misanthropic 😂.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> What people do in their own marriages is their own business. Like I said, most people don't resist temptation when confronted with it, so they will assume no one else will either.


If most people don't resist temptation, as you say, then aren't people correct to assume no one else will either? Why would they assume the other partner is unlike most other people?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

BigDaddyNY said:


> If most people don't resist temptation, as you say, then aren't people correct to assume no one else will either? Why would they assume the other partner is unlike most other people?


Oh sh!++. 

A quandry.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

pastasauce79 said:


> I'm guessing your ex is the kind of person who's gonna blame others for his mistakes. I might forgive an affair, but trying to excuse it or blame it on me, that's unforgivable. That shows a lack of integrity and maturity.
> 
> The majority of my ex boyfriends were men who had a busy social life and I never had a problem with them. I dated a musician who had women throwing themselves at him and he was loyal to me until we broke up. He had countless of opportunities to cheat on me and never did. Once I dated someone who didn't like me going out with friends, this person ended up getting cozy with one of his friends and dumped me with the excuse I wasn't social enough and didn't go out with him enough!?!? His excuses were cheap and immature. He apologized years later for his behavior.
> 
> We can't control people. People are going to do whatever they want to do.


My philosophy was like yours; I did not keep my exH from seeing his friends and doing things without me. I also attempted to share some interests, but I realized that was one-sided. My ex was never happy doing anything I wanted, only what suited him, my efforts were never enough. I actually went running in the Texas summer during the height of the heat, etc. and that still wasn't enough. 

Mine didn't blame me; he was part of the "I don't know" crowd. Cheating was a dealbreaker for me, so once I picked myself up I didn't waste much time trying to figure out the whys and wherefore, because it simply was no longer relevant to my wellbeing and future. 

Some people just don't care about anyone but themselves and choose to indulge their degenerate whims, it's a pity they don't broadcast that before you marry them and build a life together. I've done a lot of reflecting on what I missed seeing, but I honestly don't recall any until he changed jobs after a lay off in the last 3 years of our marriage. He started hanging out with morally questionable people and I disliked the person he was becoming. I spoke up, but it was still his choice to do what he did.

Maybe, I've had a very low opinion of men who aren't related to me (and some who are 😂), so I never expected better. The culture I'm from expects cheating and see it as inevitable, that it's like some kind of big joke. Honestly, I didn't know there were men in my generation who still believed in integrity, honor and loyalty in relationships, because I simply wasn't meeting any, despite having grown up in a very conservative family in the church. TAM has been a true revalation.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> What people do in their own marriages is their own business. Like I said, most people don't resist temptation when confronted with it, so they will assume no one else will either.


That's a very pointed answer.....I think that people can resist temptation when confronted with it....yet maybe the cheater script proves me wrong


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You've got to read your last paragraph. Laughing so hard.


 may be they were on the coke lol


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Jimi007 said:


> That's a very pointed answer.....I think that people can resist temptation when confronted with it....yet maybe the cheater script proves me wrong


It is also an argument FOR restricting things the GNO/BNO and the like. If most people can't resist temptation then what is wrong with asking your spouse to stay away from situation your resistance to temptation is put through a rigorous test?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> If most people don't resist temptation, as you say, then aren't people correct to assume no one else will either? Why would they assume the other partner is unlike most other people?


I guess that no one trusts their spouse. Well, no one else. I can't control what other people do, the list of things that go on in the marriages around here that I find dysfunctional and unhealthy is long. Forbidding a spouse from leaving the house unsupervised because they think they'll cheat the second they're out of sight is just one of them. I'm not going to live like that, I'd rather be alone than play cop 24/7 or be treated like a child. But to each their own, we've established my ideas of marriage are not accepted around here.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Jimi007 said:


> That's a very pointed answer.....I think that people can resist temptation when confronted with it....yet maybe the cheater script proves me wrong


I believe all people can. I believe most people choose not to. And then clamp down on their spouse because they think everyone is like them and cheats every chance they get.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I guess that no one trusts their spouse. Well, no one else. I can't control what other people do, the list of things that go on in the marriages around here that I find dysfunctional and unhealthy is long. Forbidding a spouse from leaving the house unsupervised because they think they'll cheat the second they're out of sight is just one of them. I'm not going to live like that, I'd rather be alone than play cop 24/7 or be treated like a child. But to each their own, we've established my ideas of marriage are not accepted around here.


I trust my wife and she is free to do what ever she wants when ever she wats with whom ever she wants. She is very aware of what my boundaries are and knows what I will and will not tolerate from a partner I choose to have a relationship with. She also knows I am zero tolerance with my hard boundaries because I respect her enough to expect her to be accountable for and take ownership of her actions and choices.

In the bachelorette party situation, I have enough information from enough different sources to be comfortable knowing that my wife was not behaving inappropriately, but that whole situation was an eye opener for her in just how quickly things seemed to go downhill in ways she did not think it could, and I did take a certain amount of pleasure in her acknowledging that I was right in my pre party concerns and analysis.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I believe all people can. I believe most people choose not to. And then clamp down on their spouse because they think everyone is like them and cheats every chance they get.


I'll try asking this again a little different. If most people can't resist temptation, wouldn't a smart couple establish boundaries that reduce the risk of temptation, including limiting things like GNO/BNO? And conversely, wouldn't it be negligent to not set boundaries that reduce risk to your marriage? 

I actually think most people limit these risks on their own. Like not going to GNO at the local "meat market". But as @samyeagar said, many people dont see the risk the situation they are putting themselves in creates, so as a team the spouses would be smart to discuss it.

BTW, in nearly 33 years of being married I've never stopped my wife from doing anything she wanted to do.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Gabriel said:


> Some people like to dance, others don't. So if a woman likes to dance with friends, but her H doesn't want to go, she can never do that again? It's one thing to accept free drinks or dance with men, but just going with your friends and rejecting advances should be okay, as long as it's not on a regular basis or in some well known meat market.
> 
> Or, a big football game is going on, and a bunch of guys want to hit the sports bar, be in a fun crowd for the game, they can't go unless spouses join them?
> 
> ...


Exactly...party and home body are not compatible. Difference of personalities not suited for each other. Other wise they would be at club together. 

Don't know of a club that is not meat market full of guys/girls looking for a hookup.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

farsidejunky said:


> Sometimes being a player is done deliberately. Other times it occurs because that's the only thing one knows how to do.


Don’t hate the player, hate the game.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I have two close girlfriends whose husbands never wanted to go do that with them. One had anxiety and I don't know why the other one didn't want to but she said he never wanted to go do anything.


If wife wants to go do something I am not really excited about, I would still go with her to be with her and show interest in something she likes. There will always be those that will not, or choose to not do those things with their spouse. Those that want the BNO/GNO at clubs/bars to be away from spouse. Not wanting them there, not that one spouse does not want to be there


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

When I was actively playing guitar and recording productions I'd go to watch different local bands. But never ever drank alcohol when doing so. W didn't like to go and that's ok, neither of us had an issue with me going. And I didn't stay until closing, or go all the time.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Divinely Favored said:


> Exactly...party and home body are not compatible. Difference of personalities not suited for each other. Other wise they would be at club together.
> 
> Don't know of a club that is not meat market full of guys/girls looking for a hookup.


And it is not unheard of for clubs and popular bars to have staff who's main job is to basically target and undercover engage with with the bachelorette, bachelor, girls and boys night out party groups. To get them loosened up, get the drinks flowing and inhibitions lowered.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

samyeagar said:


> I trust my wife and she is free to do what ever she wants when ever she wats with whom ever she wants. She is very aware of what my boundaries are and knows what I will and will not tolerate from a partner I choose to have a relationship with. She also knows I am zero tolerance with my hard boundaries because I respect her enough to expect her to be accountable for and take ownership of her actions and choices.
> 
> In the bachelorette party situation, I have enough information from enough different sources to be comfortable knowing that my wife was not behaving inappropriately, but that whole situation was an eye opener for her in just how quickly things seemed to go downhill in ways she did not think it could, and I did take a certain amount of pleasure in her acknowledging that I was right in my pre party concerns and analysis.


Same. Plus, congrats on getting to be right.  My husband loves when I say, "You were right." I like it too, it's fun to be right. Usually, unless something bad happens, but you know what I mean.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> If most people can't resist temptation, wouldn't a smart couple establish boundaries that reduce the risk of temptation, including limiting things like GNO/BNO? And conversely, wouldn't it be negligent to not set boundaries that reduce risk to your marriage?


If you or your spouse are someone who does not resist temptation, then it's smart to set boundaries. Like I said, some people are fine being married to someone who would prefer other people as long as they don't act on it. Doesn't work for me, but I'm one person and I only need one other person to be on board with not wanting to cheat. 

Is it negligent not to set hard rules to control temptation? Only if the only reason for not cheating is opportunity and so the goal is to avoid opportunity. There are no rules in my marriage that say "you may not go out with your friends because I know you're a cheater." If I needed rules like that, I wouldn't be married. Like I also said, the reason I prefer my H not go to strip clubs isn't because I think he'd cheat on me. Because I know who he is, and he knows who I am, and he's at least told me he doesn't want to be with anyone else. 

But he could be lying, you guys could be right, any day I could find out he's been with dozens of women in the last week and I'm the idiot. Then you could do the "told you so" dance and laugh at how stupid I was to trust him.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Same. Plus, congrats on getting to be right.  My husband loves when I say, "You were right." I like it too, it's fun to be right. Usually, unless something bad happens, but you know what I mean.


Kind of a funny story on this...

My wife will affectionately tell people that the first thing she ever learned being married to me was "Listen to my husband." When we were planning our wedding, we were going to get married on the summer solstice, so June 21, and she was very insistent on being barefoot. So in the nice cool month of March when we were looking at places to get married, simple small ceremony, she found a nice place in a local botanical garden that had a long winding cement path that ended at an arch over a fountain. She was dead set on this location, but I pointed out to her that at the end of June when we were getting married, that cement was going to be way too hot for her to be barefoot. She just pooh poohed me on that, said it'd be fine. Sooo, ok, we'll have the ceremony there.

Well...

The day of the ceremony, it was a cloudless day of 95 degrees, and come hell or high water., she was going barefoot. To say she was uncomfortable walking on that cement barefoot would be an understatement.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> If you or your spouse are someone who does not resist temptation, then it's smart to set boundaries. Like I said, some people are fine being married to someone who would prefer other people as long as they don't act on it. Doesn't work for me, but I'm one person and I only need one other person to be on board with not wanting to cheat.
> 
> Is it negligent not to set hard rules to control temptation? Only if the only reason for not cheating is opportunity and so to goal is to avoid opportunity. There are no rules in my marriage that say "you may not go out with your friends because I know you're a cheater." If I needed rules like that, I wouldn't be married. Like I also said, the reason I prefer my H not go to strip clubs isn't because I think he'd cheat on me. Because I know who he is, and he knows who I am, and he's at least told me he doesn't want to be with anyone else.
> 
> But he could be lying, you guys could be right, any day I could find out he's been with dozens of women in the last week and I'm the idiot. Then you could do the "told you so" dance and laugh at how stupid I was to trust him.


Sadly, none of us can say with 100% certainly what temptations we will or will not be able to resist until we are presented with them.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

TRy said:


> I have been happily married to my wife for many years. My wife is beautiful, slim, smart, educated, socially popular, and most of all a really nice person. I have never cheated on her, but this does not mean that I have not wanted to. Strong marital boundaries, and solid will power has been the answer for me. I really want to be married.


I think wanting to cheat on your wife is extremely sad. You have a gorgeous wife and want to cheat. Wtf?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

frenchpaddy said:


> may be they were on the coke lol


Yes, they probably did coke and made jam. It's giving me a little deja vu.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yes, they probably did coke and make jam. It's giving me a little deja vu.


That sounds like a good time.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

snowbum said:


> I think wanting to cheat on your wife is extremely sad. You have a gorgeous wife and want to cheat. Wtf?


Why marry if you constantly want to cheat? Just so you can have a live-in maid and back up plan? So awful.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Sadly, none of us can say with 100% certainly what temptations we will or will not be able to resist until we are presented with them.


Agree to disagree. I have no desire to cheat.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

TXTrini said:


> He started hanging out with morally questionable people and I disliked the person he was becoming. I spoke up, but it was still his choice to do what he did.
> 
> Maybe, I've had a very low opinion of men who aren't related to me (and some who are 😂), so I never expected better. The culture I'm from expects cheating and see it as inevitable, that it's like some kind of big joke. Honestly, I didn't know there were men in my generation who still believed in integrity, honor and loyalty in relationships, because I simply wasn't meeting any, despite having grown up in a very conservative family in the church. TAM has been a true revalation.


My husband hangs out with the same group of friends he has known since he was in high school. I'd be worried if he started hanging out with questionable people, I guess this is why I don't worry? 

My dad chose to cheat on my mom and my mom chose to stay married to him. As a child I remember telling my mom I didn't want to get married because I didn't want to have the relationship they had. I didn't know different. Meeting my classmates parents was my revelation. I observed their dynamics and I knew I wanted a relationship like theirs. I was lucky to get to know them, and they have been my marriage role model since I was a teenager.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

snowbum said:


> I’m s woman, actually.and it was a man that said when a man talks to a woman at a bar the woman is flooded with dopamine and cheats.


I'm very late to the party here, but I think this is another one of those fully out of context reactions.

@Gabriel is a good poster, offers the right advice to both sexes, and I think don't he deserves to be drug through the mud like this thread is doing. He even said "*MOST* women know when to put up the hand" to put a stop to it.

SOME women crave male attention, even after they are married. It makes them feel good (hence the dopamine comment). This type of woman is more likely to cheat. And we see alot of those types on the coping with infidelty board - it is a selection bias... when looking at situations where someone cheated... that is the whole point of that board.

MOST married women are NOT like that.

If you deny that some women are like that, that is just putting your head in the sand, or assuming the comments, like Gabriel's, apply to all women is just using it as an excuse to be offended.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Not all bachelorette parties have semi-naked strippers of the opposite sex or anything else like that. I've been to several and they were simply the female friends and family of the bride going out for dinner and spending time together.


I agree with you they don't have to be. 

The biggest problem is that by tradition they are not usually arranged by the bride/groom, they are arranged by the best man or by a maid of honor. Also, peer pressure can make young people do dumb things. One of my favorite sayings was that one young man may have a brain and some degree of self-control, two have the brainpower and self-control of 1/2 a brain, but three or more have no brainpower and virtually no self-control. Yes, that is an exaggeration.

My oldest son's bachelor party involved a keg of beer and zip-lining with male friends, with no women allowed. While traveling in Europe, I have also witnessed stag & hen parties that looked like some marriages were going to get off to a really bad start.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Agree to disagree. I have no desire to cheat.


I never said anything about cheating, even though that is a potential temptation. I have 0 desire to cheat, but I'm not going to go do shots surrounded by horny women until I'm totally drunk just because I think I'm stronger than any potential temptation. That kind of arrogance will get you into trouble.

ETA: This has nothing to do with desire. That is something other than temptation. I desire to lose 10 lbs, but I can still be tempted to eat that big ole piece of chocolate cake, so I don't have it in the house.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

pastasauce79 said:


> My husband hangs out with the same group of friends he has known since he was in high school. I'd be worried if he started hanging out with questionable people, I guess this is why I don't worry?
> 
> My dad chose to cheat on my mom and my mom chose to stay married to him. As a child I remember telling my mom I didn't want to get married because I didn't want to have the relationship they had. I didn't know different. Meeting my classmates parents was my revelation. I observed their dynamics and I knew I wanted a relationship like theirs. I was lucky to get to know them, and they have been my marriage role model since I was a teenager.


Maybe, and I'm truly happy for you. 

My father also cheated on my mom, but my mom took me and moved back home and let him go his way. Funnily enough, his AP cheated on him and ran off pregnant with another man, left him with 3 more kids. My grandparents were the model for what I wanted, they were faithful to the end, though thick and thin. I knew some other great couples too, but then the husbands turned out to be whoremongers after a while and broke up the family for OW. 

My bf hangs out with very decent people and is ok with me being less sociable. I don't text him when he's hanging out with his friends or don't worry about what he's doing which surprises me, because I thought I'd have trust issues after what I've endured. His parents were married until his dad died, his ex cheated and married the OM.

I'm still here to see if I can learn from you successfully married folks as it's a possibility that's come up again. My stance on marriage and relationships in general took a major hit after the way mine ended and it's really great to see people still do their best to actively value their marriage, not just parrot platitudes.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I never said anything about cheating, even though that is a potential temptation. I have 0 desire to cheat, but I'm not going to go do shots surrounded by horny women until I'm totally drunk just because I think I'm stronger than any potential temptation. That kind of arrogance will get you into trouble.


It’s arrogant to judge all people by yourself.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

So if you can’t overcome temptation are you really faithful? I mean if being around better looking women is so tough you can’t go out, do you really have character? Hiding isn’t a sign of character. If faithfulness only means unless I’m drunk and horny , that’s pretty sad.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s arrogant to judge all people by yourself.


Being willing ti cheat will get you in trouble.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Did you know that women exist for other reasons than to interact with penises? 😱. 😉😂😂😂😂


Well the dishes won’t do themselves 😜


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

snowbum said:


> So if you can’t overcome temptation are you really faithful? I mean if being around better looking women is so tough you can’t go out, do you really have character? Hiding isn’t a sign of character. If faithfulness only means unless I’m drunk and horny , that’s pretty sad.


I have to assume neither you or @TexasMom1216 have been drunk enough to be impaired. Otherwise you would realize that people can do unexpected and stupid **** when they are drunk. It seems like some are refusing to recognize that fact. If drinking doesn't have an effect on your judgement, inhibitions, etc. why are their so many dangerous things you should avoid while drinking?

This really comes down to my first take on all of this. Married people shouldn't be acting like single people.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Never mind. I’ve said all I need to say.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I have been drunk to where I had to hold myself up with a pool cue and fell over anyway and I never suddenly cheated.

I was drunk at a casino and playing and a drunk lady at the same table was like “do you have a room?” I looked at the dealer and I was like bro seriously what kind of degenerate casino is this I thought it was classy.

I have done questionable things when drunk like kicking a brick wall and nearly breaking my ankle, but nothing involving cheating. It’s like you get drunk or wasted on drugs and if you’re not OD’ing your body somehow keeps breathing you don’t have to remember to do it, it just happens.

That’s how cheating is if you’re wired to not cheat. You’re just not going to do it no matter what is presented to you.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Being willing ti cheat will get you in trouble.


If you’re willing to make excuses for cheating (too drunk, “horny women” came on to me, bachelor/ette party) then you’re willing to cheat.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> That’s how cheating is if you’re wired to not cheat. You’re just not going to do it no matter what is presented to you.


This. Thank you.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I have to assume neither you or @TexasMom1216 Married people shouldn't be acting like single people.


Yes but there are cases when they do and remain absolutely faithful because they don’t have a cheating bone in there body.

My personal example:

I’m from the states but work all around the world and spend lots of time around Eastern Europe. Im the only American in a big group of oilfield guys. We work hard …. We party hard when we get the chance. I’ve been around too many opportunities to count when it comes to cheating. I must say many of the other guys aren’t like me …. they nail it if it moves. You could definitely say there are times I’ve had too much to drink and acting single. It’s interesting to chat up the local women but I’d never lay a hand on any of them. Being the only American in a bar full of East Euros brings a certain amount of attention….good and bad. Sometimes you just have to leave.

I don’t cheat though I’m surrounded by cheaters. 
I’m sure some people would say I act single.

Mrs.Married is the one for me …. End of story.


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s arrogant to judge all people by yourself.


I'm going to leave this here. This is phenomenal TexasMom.



BigDaddyNY said:


> I have to assume neither you or @TexasMom1216 have been drunk enough to be impaired. Otherwise you would realize that people can do unexpected and stupid **** when they are drunk. It seems like some are refusing to recognize that fact. If drinking doesn't have an effect on your judgement, inhibitions, etc. why are their so many dangerous things you should avoid while drinking?
> 
> This really comes down to my first take on all of this. Married people shouldn't be acting like single people.


Alcoholism is something to take seriously. If you or someone you love is compromising their safety, well being or the safety or well being of others there are resources to help.









Alcoholism Resources


Explore the many resources available for people who struggling to overcome alcoholism and for family and friends who are trying to help them.




 www.alcoholrehabguide.org


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> I have been drunk to where I had to hold myself up with a pool cue and fell over anyway and I never suddenly cheated.
> 
> I was drunk at a casino and playing and a drunk lady at the same table was like “do you have a room?” I looked at the dealer and I was like bro seriously what kind of degenerate casino is this I thought it was classy.
> 
> ...


Oh I’m SUPER sexy while wasted. Falling down. Crying. Puking. Crying because I HATE puking. Wanting my mommy. 🤣 Sex is the absolute last thing on my mind. That said, after two or three times of that in my early 20s I will do just about anything to avoid ever feeling like that again. I still can remember the way Patron tastes the second time around. 🤮


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Oh I’m SUPER sexy while wasted. Falling down. Crying. Puking. Crying because I HATE puking. Wanting my mommy. 🤣 Sex is the absolute last thing on my mind. That said, after two or three times of that in my early 20s I will do just about anything to avoid ever feeling like that again. I still can remember the way Patron tastes the second time around. 🤮


There was a Jäegermeister incident. I can’t even eat licorice any more. Some things stay with you. 🤮😳😂


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> There was a Jäegermeister incident. I can’t even eat licorice any more. Some things stay with you. 🤮😳😂


Oh my… nope that was probably WAY worse than patron!!! Grodie!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I have to assume neither you or @TexasMom1216 have been drunk enough to be impaired. Otherwise you would realize that people can do unexpected and stupid **** when they are drunk. It seems like some are refusing to recognize that fact. If drinking doesn't have an effect on your judgement, inhibitions, etc. why are their so many dangerous things you should avoid while drinking?
> 
> This really comes down to my first take on all of this. Married people shouldn't be acting like single people.


I don't think anyone is denying that drunk people can be fools, but if they decide to cheat, it's likely something they were thinking about when sober as well. Maybe they weren't planning to cheat, but some sort of seed was already there. Healthy people in healthy relationships don't just cheat out of nowhere, drunk or not. 

I have been drunk many times and I have done many stupid things while drunk. I haven't done things that I'm against, no matter how drunk I am. Friends decide to do coke and offer me some? No thanks. I want to go home but would have to drive drunk? No thanks. I've had easy ONS opportunities, didn't take them, and usually called my wife instead. When I wanted to have a ONS, I did. When I didn't have any desire to, I didn't.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

QuietRiot said:


> Oh I’m SUPER sexy while wasted. Falling down. Crying. Puking. Crying because I HATE puking. Wanting my mommy. 🤣 Sex is the absolute last thing on my mind. That said, after two or three times of that in my early 20s I will do just about anything to avoid ever feeling like that again. I still can remember the way Patron tastes the second time around. 🤮


Unfortunately it’s in my blood. I’m a pro.

The last Vegas trip I just took a couple months ago my wife was working in the room all day so I was literally drinking and gambling from 9am until 5pm with a buddy and then we went out with wives and then serious drinking started. I can’t hang anymore at “young man” force so I was leaving half finished drinks all over the casino. People bought me rounds at some point and I just took a sip and I’d hide the drink on the other side of a bench or something and then go back to the one I had before. As such I was able to keep going the entire evening, wake up early, and get on a plane no problem the next morning.

No cheating, bring your wife on your business trips!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

bobert said:


> I haven't done things that I'm against, no matter how drunk I am. Friends decide to do coke and offer me some? No thanks.


I wish I had that Angel on my shoulder when I got handed a Hunter Biden level crack pipe in college with weed laced with PCP.

See I was willing to do that, but no cheating!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

QuietRiot said:


> . I still can remember the way Patron tastes the second time around. 🤮


Man I wish I could have afforded Patron at that age. Our liquor selection was dictated by our near empty pockets 😜


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Also, what are these mysterious GNOs at a bar where there is lots of flirting with men and seductive hard-to-resist actions?

I’m just scratching my head at some of the inferred thoughts of what occurs in terms of a night catching up with friends… not a night out on the pull. And so, thinking back to when I was last at a bar at night without Batman and with girlfriends, there were 3 of us in total. We managed to get a table at a local spot (bar). I think we arrived about 8pm. Excited to see each other. Had a couple of cocktails. Chatted away about all sorts of topics. Aside from a level of situational awareness, there was no focus on others there. We also were not approached; we were enjoying our drinks, the music, setting of the venue, and conversation. Our phones were away, yet after a while I sent Batman a quick text ‘still here’ - which is just a courtesy from my perspective. Friends saw me do this and asked what time it was. They were 😮 and also didn’t realise we’d been there that long (approaching 4hours). Out came their phones as they texted their husbands too, and we agreed to wrap up. So, home around midnight.

The nights out are few and far between these days, mostly as hubs and I are typically social together; or if I’m seeing girlfriends it’s often more day time happenings.

I’m in my 40s and the idea of nightclubs no longer holds appeal as I truly have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt from an early age.

However, given how most nights have occurred with friends and at bars or wine bars, I just couldn’t fathom being with someone who drew a hardline to that.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> I wish I had that Angel on my shoulder when I got handed a Hunter Biden level crack pipe in college with weed laced with PCP.
> 
> See I was willing to do that, but no cheating!


At least you have the excuse someone handed it to you. I treated my body (and brain) like a science experiment. Advice, DO NOT take a bunch of LSD then pop a few ecstasy pills and then go to a rave party in a military dorm where there is blaring music, strobe lights and drunk cadets running around with their rifles with their bayonets on. Then after being completely freaked out by that go back to your apartment, smoke a bunch of pot and drink a bottle of red wine while watching a marathon of Nightmare on Elm Street. That is a really, really bad idea.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Mr.Married said:


> Man I wish I could have afforded Patron at that age. Our liquor selection was dictated by our near empty pockets 😜


Now you know why I was puking. Just say no.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

happyhusband0005 said:


> At least you have the excuse someone handed it to you. I treated my body (and brain) like a science experiment. Advice, DO NOT take a bunch of LSD then pop a few ecstasy pills and then go to a rave party in a military dorm where there is blaring music, strobe lights and drunk cadets running around with their rifles with their bayonets on. Then after being completely freaked out by that go back to your apartment, smoke a bunch of pot and drink a bottle of red wine while watching a marathon of Nightmare on Elm Street. That is a really, really bad idea.


I feel like I know you.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I feel like I know you.


Maybe you do. The above story took place in Vermont.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Maybe you do. The above story took place in Vermont.


Probably not then. Glad you're still with us.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

bobert said:


> Unless the night out involves a stripper, etc., or the attending spouse has a history of related infidelity or similar risky behavior, I don't think there is anything wrong with GNO, BNO, bachelor parties, or bachelorette parties. I also don't think women (or men) will drop their drawers just because they are without their spouse - that's ridiculous.


That’s because you haven’t seen a woman with a high sex drive get approached by a man they consider to be super handsome and high social status and confident. Because a super handsome dude that’s well dressed and confident really does get hot women at the drop of a hat and in my opinion a woman age 36 to about 45 is as horny as an 18 yr old guy. That’s what I’ve found anyway.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> That’s because you haven’t seen a woman with a high sex drive get approached by a man they consider to be super handsome and high social status and confident. Because a super handsome dude that’s well dressed and confident really does get hot women at the drop of a hat and in my opinion a woman age 36 to about 45 is as horny as an 18 yr old guy. That’s what I’ve found anyway.


That still sounds like an excuse. "He was SO hot, I just HAD to take his load in the alley!". Bet she was ovulating too  People can control themselves if they want to.



Evinrude58 said:


> in my opinion a woman age 36 to about 45 is as horny as an 18 yr old guy. That’s what I’ve found anyway.


Well, certainly not the one in this house.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

The one hypersexual woman I've known well enough to know her business, who is bipolar and also narcissistic and that's diagnosed, it wasn't GNO's. She would go out alone and she was not at all shy about just telling men what she wanted. She had a good husband and she did really care about him, but she was always tempted to cheat. And then after he had been bedbound for
way too long, she started a full-blown affair and that's when I cut things off with her. And it was the handyman. You know, just whoever was handy.

I think if you're seriously trying to cheat on your husband, you're not necessarily dragging friends along with you to witness it.

She confided in maybe three old decades-old friends up to a point.. But I'm sure there was a lot she didn't confide. I had to take her mental disorders in the consideration for as long as I could stomach it.

Also she met people through her work and traveled around to see clients and I think that's probably where she did a lot that she didn't tell people about.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> And it was the handyman. You know, just whoever was handy.


🥸

I mean to be fair she had a mental illness.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> The one hypersexual woman I've known well enough to know her business, who is bipolar and also narcissistic and that's diagnosed, it wasn't GNO's. She would go out alone and she was not at all shy about just telling men what she wanted. She had a good husband and she did really care about him, but she was always tempted to cheat. And then after he had been bedbound before way too long, she started a full-blown affair and that's when I cut things off with her. And it was the handyman. You know, just whoever was handy.


At least he wasn't handsome.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> 🥸
> 
> I mean to be fair she had a mental illness.


She also claimed to have past abuse by her father, who tried to stick his tongue down my throat at her wedding in his living room in front of his wife. So yeah I had plenty of empathy for her.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

She's also the only woman I know who prioritized penis girth, because her goal was to get off. We lived together when we were younger and she was single.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

bobert said:


> That still sounds like an excuse. "He was SO hot, I just HAD to take his load in the alley!". Bet she was ovulating too  People can control themselves if they want to.
> 
> 
> Well, certainly not the one in this house.


Bobert,
I promise they aren’t all like the one in your house.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> I must not understand GNO"s because I always thought they were a bunch of women having dinner and good naturedly trash talking the men in their lives.
> 
> *I did go bar hopping with some work girlfriends once but I hated it. I had men half my age harassing me and it was gross. One guy who was closer to my age was actually trying to sniff my hair. Eeeeewwww!*
> 
> Everyone else laughed at me too and nobody cheated on their men. One of my closest friends was there and she still makes fun of me over the gross hair sniffer.


Cool. Now imagine the ladies that continue to go out and put themselves in that situation. They must not find it gross, right? What do you think their motivation is?


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> That’s because you haven’t seen a woman with a high sex drive get approached by a man they consider to be super handsome and high social status and confident. Because a super handsome dude that’s well dressed and confident really does get hot women at the drop of a hat and in my opinion a woman age 36 to about 45 is as horny as an 18 yr old guy. That’s what I’ve found anyway.


Real question, why does a super handsome high status man need to hit on middle aged married women at all? Seems he has a plethora of younger and untethered girls at the bar, free and easy. Why would this happen?

I think the likelier scenario would be the insatiable middle aged woman is doing the hunting and gathering for nuts.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Real question, why does a super handsome high status man need to hit on middle aged married women at all? Seems he has a plethora of younger and untethered girls at the bar, free and easy. Why would this happen?
> 
> I think the likelier scenario would be the insatiable middle aged woman is doing the hunting and *gathering for nuts*.


I see what you did there.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

QuietRiot said:


> Real question, why does a super handsome high status man need to hit on middle aged married women at all? Seems he has a plethora of younger and untethered girls at the bar, free and easy. Why would this happen?
> 
> I think the likelier scenario would be the insatiable middle aged woman is doing the hunting and gathering for nuts.


Ben Franklin said it best.

*“In all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.
2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.
4. Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin’d to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.
7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.
8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!”*

There is no work involved in attracting a middle-aged women, who is out to get a man to sleep with.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

@QuietRiot, now you have your answer. Middle aged women are disgusting and fall into bed with every man they see.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

after reading all this topic what comes to mind is what a pity it is that we bully all the cheaters off without getting an insight into how a cheaters mind works , 

because what I see here is a group of posters debating a what if they were out on a GNO , 
but we all have different ideas of what these Girls /guys night could be like , 
and worse of all most of us here are adding in hen /bachelor parties , 

now I got married and both myself and my wife never had a hen or bachelor party , mostly because when we met up we started hanging out without each other and we lost all contact with the dingle people we know from before and many of the people we know our age had all so got into couples of their own 
and some had married and set up their own life's and started having children so we just lost contact, 

so we did not have people that we wanted go and so call party with and drinking was not our thing 
so my question is are there a type of person that likes to party in dangerous ways , who is it that sets up these parties , and I find my self thinking of the poster we had a few weeks back that his wife wanted to go on her daughters hen party and she ended up taken photos of men in the toilet , 
now what drove her to do this type thing and why did she think doing this was fun , 

like I have been in many men's rooms and I have never seen anything so I can't see the fun , and no matter what there is nothing to see other than men's backs turned to them if they all pushed in the door , but thinking of been in a men's room and if some women started playing with pushing the door and skitting and laughing I would see how some men could take that as an invite to flirting and the right man that is the type that is up for playing around , as it takes too types to let this build into a sex night , you first need two people that both are willing to flirt which you don't often get , I was away yesterday , stopped off to eat on the way home had another man with me , 

there was a good number of people out for a Thursday night some were students guys and girls chatted together at their tables , and near the door I saw a table with a group of 4 women , they were out together chatting but in no way were they acting the fool , or trying to flirt with any of the others coming in or out , 

and if any of them pushed the door of the toilet they would just see a room with that had a bin that needed to taking out , not very funny or romantic , 

so I think the type every one posting here is skirting around the type of place that the GNO is taking place in 

if you are with a group of girls or guys 
if you want it to be just a fun night out your going to a go to a simple bar or restaurant or bowling some place that offers a place for a group to interact together alone 
unless you have a plan to interact in a flirty way with other people or groups of people that you know are out for the same , 

not haven been to a stag party I will not talk about them ,
having been to night clubs and seen all kinds of things , right up to the most extreme flirting where two women have been dancing together ( now I can only guess the women are dancing together with an intention to attract men, and when a man or men try to join the group of women if the women are happy to except the men they will let them join them , in the most extreme case I have seen a few times a woman dancing with a strange man and he starts to rub her and surround her with his hands and see the woman turn and push her bum into his crutch in much the same way as a ***** in heat , 

so I think everyone here is right in thinking that the cheater picks the venue that gives them the chance to be open to a pick up if that is in their mind from before they go to the place 

We often get the saying to men if he was the one that made the first move to have sex or was it the woman when she picked out her lingerie and this was tipped on this week as well when someone talked about VS lingerie 

I think we need to get away from thinking that when a woman gets up in the morning and is dressing herself that what she puts on under her work outfit which can be something very fine like french lingerie under baggy jeans that she is dressing for a man or in some way hoping she is going to seduce or even if she goes home from work has a quick shower and dresses to meet up with other girls or group that because she had the idea at this time to slip into something more sexy that she is asking for sex 
we see a girls outfit often questioned in rape cases , 
like if that girl was going out for her GNO with her friends and lets just say she was walking alone and her outfit was as someone said something along the lines of VS are sex ware or even if she decided to have no underwear on under a dress , 
for me it still does not give anyone the right to think she was doing it for any other reason than she felt comfortable to dress this way , not the strangers she would pass by on the wat to where she was going and not the people she was meeting , 

some people like to dress sexy just for themselves , having knowing a nurse and she tell of the men that end up in hospital in women's knickers is enough to prove that both men and women dress for themselves most often Yes there are some women and men that dress for to flirt and seduce , but some people that are dressed in baggy or even safety work ware can seduce more than some people that are in VS or french lingerie that cost a few hundred euros


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> @QuietRiot, now you have your answer. Middle aged women are disgusting and fall into bed with every man they see.


The question was asked why a handsome young man would seek the company of an older woman, if he has an easy time getting younger women. 
I merely provided an answer.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Ben Franklin said it best.
> 
> *“In all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:
> 
> ...


I don’t know what city you’re in, but the man described above needs no effort with any woman. Ben Franklin doesn’t really fall into that catagory, I could be wrong, some women may have found him super fine. I dunno.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I would like to do a Maury type show and have undercover people at these Bachelor and Bachelorette parties, and then have a big reveal before the wedding, she if they still want to marry the person. I hear the girls get wild and a stripper said he has sex with the bachelorette at least 50% of the parties he does.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> I would like to do a Maury type show and have undercover people at these Bachelor and Bachelorette parties, and then have a big reveal before the wedding, she if they still want to marry the person. I hear the girls get wild and a stripper said he has sex with the bachelorette at least 50% of the parties he does.


I would totally watch that show!


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

QuietRiot said:


> I don’t know what city you’re in, but the man described above needs no effort with any woman. Ben Franklin doesn’t really fall into that catagory, I could be wrong, some women may have found him super fine. I dunno.


He was a high status and wealthy and handsome dude explaining why he sought the company of older women, when he was the type of man that you mentioned that would have younger women at his beck and call.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

QuietRiot said:


> I would totally watch that show!


So would I.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> He was a high status and wealthy and handsome dude explaining why he sought the company of older women, when he was the type of man that you mentioned that would have younger women at his beck and call.


This is incorrect. He was a lecher, and this is from a letter explaining to a younger man how to select a mistress. I can see why you would admire him. I hate to burst your bubble, but he also wrote that he believed women were intelligent creatures valuable for their minds, not just servants and mastubatory aids. So close, right?


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> He was a high status and wealthy and handsome dude explaining why he sought the company of older women, when he was the type of man that you mentioned that would have younger women at his beck and call.


You guys could be right! I’ve never witnessed such a thing because there is no shortage of young, freely promiscuous girls offering the same for no work. I’ve seen very handsome and seemingly wealthy men having to basically pry them off his person. Second if he likes middle aged women because they are refined… why’s he hitting on them at a bar trying to get into their refined panties and not taking them to a quiet place to talk about their theology and fine literature or whatever Benji wanted to discuss? 

I dunno, it just doesn’t seem like normal male behavior to me. Anyway, no big deal. Just all things being equal, seems said hotty man would go for the younger version with no work than the older version with no work.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> This is incorrect. He was a lecher, and this is from a letter explaining to a younger man how to select a mistress. I can see why you would admire him. I hate to burst your bubble, but he also wrote that he believed women were intelligent creatures valuable for their minds, not just servants and mastubatory aids. So close, right?


Most high status men are man-sluts. They have as much sex as they want and can usually take a woman home with him any time he wants.
Is outrage your only emotion?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The virtue signalers seem to be good at pretending there’s not a lot of GNO that absolutely are all about stud hunts.

Sure there’s GNO that aren’t nefarious. But to pretend that women dress with legs, thighs, cleavage showing with fixed up hair and such and are just out talking and havezero intentions of even giving a man the side-eye……
it’s clearly a case of putting on an act.

yes women do like attention. That’s why they all love fancy weddings, getting all dressed up and showing their stuff, and doing their GNO thing at locations where they know they’ve got a good chance of getting their egos stroked at the very least.

Lifestooshort claiming the young studs coming up to her were “gross”……. That’s only because she gets all the attention and then some that she needs/wants from men in everyday life because she’s probably way above average in the looks dept abd she’s burnt out on it—- or they weren’t handsome enough for her.

I’ve heard a lot of women say such things…. And they’d blow up a polygraph if it was attached when they said it.

GNO—- why isn’t it at one of the friend’s houses, or some other location not filled with single/prowling men? It’s Girls night out for a reason, not Girls night in.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

QuietRiot said:


> You guys could be right! I’ve never witnessed such a thing because there is no shortage of young, freely promiscuous girls offering the same for no work. I’ve seen very handsome and seemingly wealthy men having to basically pry them off his person. Second if he likes middle aged women because they are refined… why’s he hitting on them at a bar trying to get into their refined panties and not taking them to a quiet place to talk about their theology and fine literature or whatever Benji wanted to discuss?
> 
> I dunno, it just doesn’t seem like normal male behavior to me. Anyway, no big deal. Just all things being equal, seems said hotty man would go for the younger version with no work than the older version with no work.


My basic understanding of the dynamic is that they will sleep with nearly anything.
It's only when they are looking for a commitment that they become more choosy.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> This is incorrect. He was a lecher, and this is from a letter explaining to a younger man how to select a mistress. I can see why you would admire him. I hate to burst your bubble, but he also wrote that he believed women were intelligent creatures valuable for their minds, not just servants and mastubatory aids. So close, right?


Ah! Then he’s just as handsome on the inside as the outside. 🤣


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Most high status men are man-sluts. They have as much sex as they want and can usually take a woman home with him any time he wants.
> Is outrage your only emotion?


There you go making things up again. There is zero outrage, just sharing some facts about Ben Franklin.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> There you go making things up again. There is zero outrage, just sharing some facts about Ben Franklin.


All I have ever seen you post is comments about how outraged you are and that every comment about real-life is anti-woman.
Are there any exceptions that I'm not aware of?
I know I'm new here, but you've established a consistent pattern since I've seen your postings. 
Everything is anti-woman and outrageous.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> I would like to do a Maury type show and have undercover people at these Bachelor and Bachelorette parties, and then have a big reveal before the wedding, she if they still want to marry the person. I hear the girls get wild and a stripper said he has sex with the bachelorette at least 50% of the parties he does.


 as I have never been to a bachelor party in my life and don't know anyone that has or at least never talked to any one about they been at one ,

but we in france tv have seen these type parties where the stripper or strippers are the high light of a night the wildest nights shown have been girls nights where not only does the party girl end up sucking the stripper but many girls there end up sucking him as he passes from one to another


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

frenchpaddy said:


> as I have never been to a bachelor party in my life and don't know anyone that has or at least never talked to any one about they been at one ,
> 
> but we in france tv have seen these type parties where the stripper or strippers are the high light of a night the wildest nights shown have been girls nights where not only does the party girl end up sucking the stripper but many girls there end up sucking him as he passes from one to another


Many of them are paid.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Ah! Then he’s just as handsome on the inside as the outside. 🤣


He's actually a really interesting person. He was a horrible husband, of course, but it was that time period, nothing was expected of men in marriage. He did have several close friendships with women that were platonic (because she turned him down) and believed that they were valuable, intelligent people, once he got to know them.  No one expected men to be faithful to their wives back then, there was even less stigma to male infidelity than today. He wrote at one point that the strength of his sexual appetites frightened him. The letter that was quoted was one he wrote to a young man who had talked to Franklin about his own libido and got the advice to select a mistress and this was advice on which woman to choose. It seems monstrous but for the time it was practical, women were nothing but cattle to be bought and sold. He actually had a lot more respect for women than probably any man he was ever around.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Most high status men


 a very bold statement without defining what you see as a high status man


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> All I have ever seen you post is comments about how outraged you are and that every comment about real-life is anti-woman.
> Are there any exceptions that I'm not aware of?
> I know I'm new here, but you've established a consistent pattern since I've seen your postings.
> Everything is anti-woman and outrageous.


Boy, I bet I know who you've been talking to. Straight from the narrative.

Quote the posts where I specifically said that a comment is anti-woman. Should be easy, since it's every single post I've ever posted. I'll wait.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

frenchpaddy said:


> a very bold statement without defining what you see as a high status man


I don't define it, because I think most of us are in general agreement which men are most desired by women.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

frenchpaddy said:


> as I have never been to a bachelor party in my life and don't know anyone that has or at least never talked to any one about they been at one ,
> 
> but we in france tv have seen these type parties where the stripper or strippers are the high light of a night the wildest nights shown have been girls nights where not only does the party girl end up sucking the stripper but many girls there end up sucking him as he passes from one to another


That is so gross 🤢 . For either sex.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> @QuietRiot, now you have your answer. Middle aged women are disgusting and fall into bed with every man they see.


Especially when he’s super high value and super red pill. Gag.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Boy, I bet I know who you've been talking to. Straight from the narrative.
> 
> Quote the posts where I specifically said that a comment is anti-woman. Should be easy, since it's every single post I've ever posted. I'll wait.


Such an angry woman.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Many of them are paid.


which the girls sucking or the strippers , because it could be a reportage that is added to to shock to sell the program


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Especially when he’s super high value and super red pill. Gag.


Apparently pointing that out is me being outraged. 😂🤣


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

frenchpaddy said:


> which the girls sucking or the strippers , because it could be a reportage that is added to to shock to sell the program


Both strippers and girls are paid performers, in many cases.
It's just like those bus videos, where the girls get dumped in the middle of nowhere afterwards.

I'm not saying every woman is a paid performer, but that's just often the case.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Such an angry woman.


Yes, a woman repeating historical facts is super ragey. Interesting how none of the other women saying the exact same things are being accused of being angry. Hmmm.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

So are you dudes saying you fully expect normal women are to act like paid hos? 😂


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

At the risk of being roundly chastised, I always attracted younger men. Some of them were more like fans. There was no sexual contact with those at all but was casual friends with a handful of them for a few years. They just thought I was cool. And they were right. 😜


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> At the risk of being roundly chastised, I always attracted younger men. Some of them were more like fans. There was no sexual contact with those at all but was casual friends with a handful of them for a few years. They just thought I was cool. And they were right. 😜


Because of the coolness and the hotness. 😎


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

pastasauce79 said:


> My husband hangs out with the same group of friends he has known since he was in high school. I'd be worried if he started hanging out with questionable people, I guess this is why I don't worry?
> 
> My dad chose to cheat on my mom and my mom chose to stay married to him. As a child I remember telling my mom I didn't want to get married because I didn't want to have the relationship they had. I didn't know different. Meeting my classmates parents was my revelation. I observed their dynamics and I knew I wanted a relationship like theirs. I was lucky to get to know them, and they have been my marriage role model since I was a teenager.


That is one thing I am proud of, both our boys said they hope they have what my wife and I have, when they get married.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I don't define it, because I think most of us are in general agreement which men are most desired by women.


 yes you see the rich jet owner that comes to france to party with his friends darning covid lockdown and when police turned away the jet there was 2 fat rich men in their late 50s and 6, 20 year old girls , I thought it was nice that these daddys brought their daughters with them ,lol

but you don't have to be super rich , we have a truck driver long hair looks like Jesus but he has good pay and has women calling to him like he is a hot guy , he is not super charming , he has a new stone built house that he has never lived in yet , built now 5 years and he liver in his shed where he has a one room , he has a new car normal car a c4 and he has a 4x4 truck a ford , the women that see him look on him as a good catch , and the odd woman start a relationship until after some time they ask when are you moving into the house and he tells them he has that for his retirement and while he is not living in it he pays on tax on the house , they loos interest and leave most after six months together


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> The virtue signalers seem to be good at pretending there’s not a lot of GNO that absolutely are all about stud hunts.
> 
> Sure there’s GNO that aren’t nefarious. But to pretend that women dress with legs, thighs, cleavage showing with fixed up hair and such and are just out talking and havezero intentions of even giving a man the side-eye……
> it’s clearly a case of putting on an act.
> ...


This could be very correct! I can’t tell you that I’ve even heard the term GNO for anyone over 23 until coming to TAM. My “ladies nights” are much more mundane than the things you have described above, crafting, very occasional low key wine bars and usually ending by the time the street lights come on. We were never approached on any of these kinds of outings, never wanted to be approached, never tried to approach anyone else.

I do think there are certain kinds of people who do use these excursions to find excitement, attention, and party. I don’t think you are wrong about that. But I think men like attention just as much. I will say that, there are certain attention seeking groups in both sexes. I don’t find the situation you described as respectful. But I don’t know many women and men that do this who aren’t already divorced so maybe it works itself out in the end.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> he has a 4x4 truck a ford , the women that see him look on him as a good catch


Well I mean all the ladies love a man with a truck, right? 😉🤠


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I'm not saying every woman is a paid performer, but that's just often the case.


yes a bit like the dance club that pay a few girls to dance once others see some dance others tend to follow


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

frenchpaddy said:


> yes you see the rich jet owner that comes to france to party with his friends darning covid lockdown and when police turned away the jet there was 2 fat rich men in their late 50s and 6, 20 year old girls , I thought it was nice that these daddys brought their daughters with them ,lol
> 
> but you don't have to be super rich , we have a truck driver long hair looks like Jesus but he has good pay and has women calling to him like he is a hot guy , he is not super charming , he has a new stone built house that he has never lived in yet , built now 5 years and he liver in his shed where he has a one room , he has a new car normal car a c4 and he has a 4x4 truck a ford , the women that see him look on him as a good catch , and the odd woman start a relationship until after some time they ask when are you moving into the house and he tells them he has that for his retirement and while he is not living in it he pays on tax on the house , they loos interest and leave most after six months together


However, there is a general archetype that people think of when you say a desired male.
Yes, if you get in the weeds, you'll see exceptions. However, those exceptions are not what people generally think of when you use the term.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Evinrude58 said:


> The virtue signalers seem to be good at pretending there’s not a lot of GNO that absolutely are all about stud hunts.


Oh my word. Well, if I'm a virtue signaler so be it. Or, just balancing the equation to what a night out with friends can and has been for much of my personal experience. As for the going out vs staying in, well, some of us do like to attend different venues and have drinks made for us instead of hosting. There's no stud hunt involved.  

In saying that..! I do concede that different venues do draw different types of crowds/vibe.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

frenchpaddy said:


> yes a bit like the dance club that pay a few girls to dance once others see some dance others tend to follow


Exactly.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

heartsbeating said:


> As for the going out vs staying in, well, some of us do like to attend different venues and have drinks made for us instead of hosting.


For all my arguing about limiting what a spouse is "allowed" to do, the truth is we generally host. There is better wine and usually better food at my house. Plus I don't have to wear shoes and I control the AC and the volume of the music. 😉


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> There was a Jäegermeister incident. I can’t even eat licorice any more. Some things stay with you. 🤮😳😂


🤐


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

heartsbeating said:


> Oh my word. Well, if I'm a virtue signaler so be it. Or, just balancing the equation to what a night out with friends can and has been for much of my personal experience. As for the going out vs staying in, well, some of us do like to attend different venues and have drinks made for us instead of hosting. There's no stud hunt involved.
> 
> In saying that..! I do concede that different venues do draw different types of crowds/vibe.


You sound almost as nerdy as me. I can’t get any of my girlfriends to attend a glassblowing class with me because it’s on a weeknight and nobody wants to be out past 9pm.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

TexasMom1216 said:


> For all my arguing about limiting what a spouse is "allowed" to do, the truth is we generally host. There is better wine and usually better food at my house. Plus I don't have to wear shoes and I control the AC and the volume of the music. 😉


In more recent years, the going out of an evening with friends is few and far between. I'd prefer to be at home or at someone's home too so I hear ya. However, catching up over a drink or celebration at a bar and is typically local and not an all-night partying session either, is the furthest thing from a 'stud hunt'. I already got me a stud anyway.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well I mean all the ladies love a man with a truck, right? 😉🤠


I sure do!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

QuietRiot said:


> You sound almost as nerdy as me. I can’t get any of my girlfriends to attend a glassblowing class with me because it’s on a weeknight and nobody wants to be out past 9pm.


That sounds fun!


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

heartsbeating said:


> In more recent years, the going out of an evening with friends is few and far between. I'd prefer to be at home or at someone's home too so I hear ya. However, catching up over a drink or celebration at a bar and is typically local and not an all-night partying session either, is the furthest thing from a 'stud hunt'. I already got me a stud anyway.


By about 11 pm, we're all yawning and checking the time. Buncha old folks, us. We might go out for dinner, but it's socks and ponytails (and jammie pants, last time our friend brought her own to our house so she could change after dinner) by 9.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> You sound almost as nerdy as me. I can’t get any of my girlfriends to attend a glassblowing class with me because it’s on a weeknight and nobody wants to be out past 9pm.


OMG I would so stay out past 9 for glass blowing. That sounds amazeballs. Or those places where you paint and drink? I love that.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> Oh my word. Well, if I'm a virtue signaler so be it. Or, just balancing the equation to what a night out with friends can and has been for much of my personal experience. As for the going out vs staying in, well, some of us do like to attend different venues and have drinks made for us instead of hosting. There's no stud hunt involved.
> 
> In saying that..! I do concede that different venues do draw different types of crowds/vibe.


You probably don’t wear your sexiest dress out either. Not saying some GNO stuff is totally innocent, just saying there’s a bunch that is not. A lot. That’s why it’s so common on here for GMO stuff to result in cheating. And I don’t think it’s an accident. They’re secretly hoping Prince Charming comes along.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> OMG I would so stay out past 9 for glass blowing. That sounds amazeballs. Or those places where you paint and drink? I love that.


Thats what we typically do! There is a place you can make wood signs and decor and bring your own wine. It’s so amazing.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> However, there is a general archetype that people think of when you say a desired male.
> Yes, if you get in the weeds, you'll see exceptions, but those exceptions are not what people generally think of when you use the term.


 It is a question of how you value you richness , there are many rich people that do not buy into the sex life and put no value on easy sex ,

it is why I asked or made the point to define high value men 
 we see celebrity men and women some use their status to get sex and some don't 

same goes for anyone that has a job better than the next , like a guy said once it is not what you know but what people think you know , the same can be said for money it is not what you have but what people think you have , 
some like to profit from the fat mans table , go to any club buy 3 or 4 bottles of Champaign and you will be joined by men and women happy to use your money until you can't pay for the taxi home


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Thats what we typically do! There is a place you can make wood signs and decor and bring your own wine. It’s so amazing.


If you can wear jammie pants and slippers I can get my good friend to go. The guys can do... something, I dunno. I'm sure someone somewhere is throwing a ball, they can watch that. 😉


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well I mean all the ladies love a man with a truck, right? 😉🤠


And long hair. 😃


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> You probably don’t wear your sexiest dress out either. Not saying some GNO stuff is totally innocent, just saying there’s a bunch that is not. A lot. That’s why it’s so common on here for GMO stuff to result in cheating. And I don’t think it’s an accident. They’re secretly hoping Prince Charming comes along.


Buuuut, then that’s not the GNO, that’s the excuse the cheater Ho uses to find her exit affair no?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> And long hair. 😃


Eehhhhhh... we all have our specific tastes I suppose. Trucks are awesome though.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Eehhhhhh... we all have our specific tastes I suppose. Trucks are awesome though.


See, we would have made good single gals together because we like totally opposite types, but then I guess not because we probably wouldn't have wanted to go to the same places. More's the pity.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> See, we would have made good single gals together because we like totally opposite types, but then I guess not because we probably wouldn't have wanted to go to the same places. More's the pity.


I'm sure big beefy muscle men with good taste in music and pretty eyes went to concerts and out to watch bands. We'd have made it work.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I have to assume neither you or @TexasMom1216 have been drunk enough to be impaired. Otherwise you would realize that people can do unexpected and stupid **** when they are drunk. It seems like some are refusing to recognize that fact. If drinking doesn't have an effect on your judgement, inhibitions, etc. why are their so many dangerous things you should avoid while drinking?
> 
> This really comes down to my first take on all of this. Married people shouldn't be acting like single people.


Have you ever been drunk enough?

That asked. I can relate that I have, on a significant number of occasions, and I got the t-shirt over and over again.

Yet through all of that I have never cheated on any sexual partners of mine, simply because I didn't want to cheat on them so chose not to. 

It's also worth remembering that if someone has lost complete control of themselves, then they are most certainly not capable of sharing consensual sex. Which makes it something other than cheating.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> She's also the only woman I know who prioritized penis girth, because her goal was to get off. We lived together when we were younger and she was single.


Good for her, that's a very practical approach.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I'm sure big beefy muscle men with good taste in music and pretty eyes went to concerts and out to watch bands. We'd have made it work.


I knew one and still know him a little but he was married back then but I think they did some swinging. I think he's remarried now. Most of those guys in my old crowd were pretty lean, and that's how I like them and that's how all my friends like em. We would have made it work.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Personal said:


> Good for her, that's a very practical approach.


Honestly though all of that is really stemming from her mental illness. She was pretty ruthless.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Over 30 years and I've never cheated, nor ever had even the smallest desire to do so. I believe I can say the same for my wife. Thankfully this topic is all academic for me anyway. Neither my wife nor I have ever wanted to go out and do something the other didn't feel comfortable with. We do the vast majority of everything together anyway and when we are doing things solo we are with other people that are friends of the marriage and of like minds. That said I've done and seen enough stupid **** that occurs while drunk that I don't feel like anyone can rule something out with 100% certainty. I'll continue to keep myself out of situations that are high risk if I encounter them.

Can we all at least agree that going on a GNO and taking your wedding rings off for the purpose of getting free drinks from dumb and horny guys is not good behavior for a married person?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> You probably don’t wear your sexiest dress out either. Not saying some GNO stuff is totally innocent, just saying there’s a bunch that is not. A lot. That’s why it’s so common on here for GMO stuff to result in cheating. And I don’t think it’s an accident. They’re secretly hoping Prince Charming comes along.


I think women that cheat at s as GNO were not happy in their marriage. I think that if it weren’t that event it would be something else. Worked at a lot of places and met a lot of women. Never went out with women looking to cheat. I think the marriage was on rocky ground to start with. Reasonable people don’t just cheat.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Eehhhhhh... we all have our specific tastes I suppose. Trucks are awesome though.


Just say no to the Tracy Lawrence wavy do and yes to the George Strait clean cut look.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

snowbum said:


> I think women that cheat at s as GNO were not happy in their marriage. I think that if it weren’t that event it would be something else. Worked at a lot of places and met a lot of women. Never went out with women looking to cheat. I think the marriage was on rocky ground to start with. Reasonable people don’t just cheat.


Some women just want to sample strange, same for some men. There are many, many stories where a girl is happy in her marriage, loves spouse, goes on GNO and tells hubby, too drunk gonna stay at friends. Leave bar with Chad or Tyrone and go to friends for exciting night of debauchery. It was all about the excitement. They swear they have only loved their hubby, don't know why they have been taking randoms to friends for sex all these months. It was the drug from the excitement that did them in.

Read story where guy woke up next morning and wife not home. Snow was deep and she not answered text. He got in the SUV and drove to pick up wife at friends. Door open so he goes to bedroom where she is naked laying snuggled up to some guy in the bed. He beats guys azz and his buddy that was screwing the single friend takes buddy to hospital. Hubby tells her to git in vehicle or she will be left there. They get in wreck, wake up in hospital. 

He gets out and tells everyone what happened. She lives with parents after her hospital stay. He has the kids at home while they visit mom at grandmother's. Divorce proceeds while she says she never loved those other men, it was only sex.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Personal said:


> Have you ever been drunk enough?
> 
> That asked. I can relate that I have, on a significant number of occasions, and I got the t-shirt over and over again.
> 
> ...


Hahaha....
Yep.

I don't drink near as much now though. But time to time still, with long time friends when we're in a no driving get together.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Most high status men are man-sluts. They have as much sex as they want and can usually take a woman home with him any time he wants.
> Is outrage your only emotion?


This is not true. Because one can does not mean one does.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

happyhusband0005 said:


> This is not true. Because one can does not mean one does.


I'm not saying every woman a high status man brings home for the night is a 10.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Most high status men are man-sluts. They have as much sex as they want and can usually take a woman home with him any time he wants.
> Is outrage your only emotion?


It is pretty much true. Now to be clear I'm not a gazillionaire but do quite well. 

But I drew the line after M. Now I'm still that guy, but a one woman man-****.🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I'm not saying every woman a high status man brings home for the night is a 10.


Just because you’re ok with that doesn’t mean every respectable good looking man is a douche bag. You don’t speak for all men


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I'm not saying every woman a high status man brings home for the night is a 10.


My point is just because a man is high status, does not mean he is going to go around sleeping with as many woman as he can. I think guys get that idea because they think if they could they would. Some guys are man-sluts, but there are plenty of high status men who do not cheat or sleep with random women just because they can, being high status does not remove morals and integrity.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> Most high status men are man-sluts. They have as much sex as they want and can usually take a woman home with him any time he wants.
> Is outrage your only emotion?


I hope you’re not married


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> My point is





snowbum said:


> Just because you’re ok with that doesn’t mean every respectable good looking man is a douche bag. You don’t speak for all men


He didn't say he was ok with it, only made an observation. Yes, like it or not, is based on the real world.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You can be high value and not a man ho


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

snowbum said:


> You can be high value and not a man ho


Yes, you can. 
But admittedly it's a lot of fun. One must have boundaries when married though. The M and respect for W is most important.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

snowbum said:


> I think women that cheat at s as GNO were not happy in their marriage. I think that if it weren’t that event it would be something else. Worked at a lot of places and met a lot of women. Never went out with women looking to cheat. I think the marriage was on rocky ground to start with. Reasonable people don’t just cheat.


I think there is a large portion of the population of men and women that are never satisfied no matter what and are always susceptible to other’s attention. Chronic discontents.

lots of people go out and have fun with their friends and it never crosses their minds to cheat. However, going out with the girls past 9 or so at bars or clubs….. not cool to me. If you want to go out and go to a concert, I would think my lady would want to be with me.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

snowbum said:


> You can be high value and not a man ho


If you’re a man ho you’re actually not high value.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Evinrude58 said:


> You probably don’t wear your sexiest dress out either. Not saying some GNO stuff is totally innocent, just saying there’s a bunch that is not. A lot. That’s why it’s so common on here for GMO stuff to result in cheating. And I don’t think it’s an accident. They’re secretly hoping Prince Charming comes along.


I can't say that I've ever particularly worn my 'sexiest dress out' to bars/clubs; just not my style. As mentioned before, I concede that different venues can encompass different types of punters and I was reminded of that several years ago when a girlfriend took me to this cool/grungy bar that she knew I'd love. It was only meant to be a quick drink but I was feeling quite low and saddened over how my marriage was at that time and so we ended up parking ourselves there, and with the company of wine, for longer than intended. It was the first time in a long time that I'd been to that type of bar late with a friend; usually we'd go to a quiet wine bar or to dinner. I was a right sad-face that night and not great company to my friend, yet she still had a good time mostly as she was single and as the night rolled on we were approached by a number of guys that she chatted with. Meanwhile, I was completely disinterested. We were sat at the bar and the bartender came over to ward off some guys a couple of times. Later he offered to take me home and put a smile back on my face. I declined; told him it wouldn't happen and that I wasn't an option. My friend heard his offer to me and told me not to go there (due to the obvious that I'm married). She didn't need to say it but the sentiment was appreciated. However, I wasn't the slightest bit tempted. If anything, I remember feeling further saddened of where hubs and I were at that time. Before we left, the bartender approached again and said something about respecting that I didn't want to leave with him but if I found myself in a different circumstance, even a few months' on from then, that I could find him working at a certain venue/restaurant and he'd take me out. I told him that wouldn't happen. Eh, maybe a married Debbie Downer tickled his fancy 

Coincidentally, a few weeks later another friend invited me to the venue he'd mentioned he'd be working at. I suggested and arranged that we go somewhere else instead. It's not that I had felt that I'd be 'tempted' if we saw each other again; more that I didn't want any potential misunderstanding or drama or anything else into the mix. Anyway, that night out had significance to me with confiding in my friend and all the emotions that surfaced including feeling miserable while out, as well as it being quite a different experience in terms of venue to where her and I would normally go. It was an anomaly for me to be at more of a 'singles' spot. Most nights out with friends, and as far as I know the times they share with their other friends, are typically standard 'above-board' catch-ups - even if a bar or evening venue is involved.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> If you’re a man ho you’re actually not high value.


But if you're a successful businessman or successful man in general that happens to also be successful having mutually respectful relationships with women....that's ok too.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> But if you're a successful businessman or successful man in general that happens to also be successful having mutually respectful relationships with women....that's ok too.


Yes but I wouldn’t call that a man ho. That’s a single guy not wanting a commitment. Nothing wrong with that.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> I hope you’re not married


There is nothing wrong with what I am saying, because what I'm saying is an observational truth.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Yes but I wouldn’t call that a man ho. That’s a single guy not wanting a commitment. Nothing wrong with that.


Thanks for adding to the conversation. So much can be added to a situation just by the label or choice of words one uses. Different perspectives even.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Hmmm I like that. I’m not a man ho, I’m a single man not wanting commitment. Awesome. My mental gymnastics lately were bad. I think I just was assisted in doing a double back flip off the parallel bars. Thanks Texasmom!!!!😋


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

I must have missed that post ?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Hurthusband77 said:


> We were both put in similar situations and we made different choices. Why, who knows. Come down to, my wife wanted to, the opportunity was there and she took it, while I didn’t


Why in God's name did you marry her after that?


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

I have been thinking about @Gabriel 's post that seems to have lead to this thread. What he actually said makes a lot of sense. Dopamine/adrenalin and ego boost are powerful motivators. And maybe the role of these factors in people cheating can be compared to alcohol.

Most people can go out have a few drinks get a little loose and go home. Some people don't drink a ton but when they do they can tend to go too far and end up drunk. These are the people who should be careful about the situations they put themselves in. Then you have your raging alcoholics who wake up and grab a bottle, they are your serial cheaters and can't be trusted in any situation. 

Honestly I think the brain chemistry has more to do with cheating than alcohol. Alcohol is often the excuse not the cause. 

Being hit on is nice, gives you an ego boost and it's a turn on. Most of us can take the ego boost and go home, others want more and more and more and end up making bad decisions chasing that high.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Over 30 years and I've never cheated, nor ever had even the smallest desire to do so. I believe I can say the same for my wife. Thankfully this topic is all academic for me anyway. Neither my wife nor I have ever wanted to go out and do something the other didn't feel comfortable with. We do the vast majority of everything together anyway and when we are doing things solo we are with other people that are friends of the marriage and of like minds. That said I've done and seen enough stupid **** that occurs while drunk that I don't feel like anyone can rule something out with 100% certainty. I'll continue to keep myself out of situations that are high risk if I encounter them.
> 
> Can we all at least agree that going on a GNO and taking your wedding rings off for the purpose of getting free drinks from dumb and horny guys is not good behavior for a married person?


Very gross behavior indeed. I don’t think it’s good behavior for anyone. There is a respectful way to spend time with one’s friends. (Respectful to oneself and one’s spouse). But once you’re married to a person that thinks that behavior is justified, I think they just resent you if you try to put limits on it. What do you do?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Very gross behavior indeed. I don’t think it’s good behavior for anyone. There is a respectful way to spend time with one’s friends. (Respectful to oneself and one’s spouse). But once you’re married to a person that thinks that behavior is justified, I think they just resent you if you try to put limits on it. *What do you do?*


That would be a tough situation. Ideally that type of behavior would have been found out about prior to marriage. The incompatibility would be dealt with or end the relationship. Resentment or not, you have to decide if it is a deal breaker or not. Honestly, if resentment is building because your partner is asking you to not do something they think is inappropriate the marriage is doomed to failure. If you can't see eye to eye on what is or isn't appropriate behavior in a marriage you probably shouldn't have married in the first place.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> That would be a tough situation. Ideally that type of behavior would have been found out about prior to marriage. The incompatibility would be dealt with or end the relationship. Resentment or not, you have to decide if it is a deal breaker or not. Honestly, if resentment is building because your partner is asking you to not do something they think is inappropriate the marriage is doomed to failure. If you can't see eye to eye on what is or isn't appropriate behavior in a marriage you probably shouldn't have married in the first place.


Im not saying all cases are like mine, but he decided to act single pretty suddenly. Lots of red flags we’re going off everywhere, but I KNEW if I called him out he’d have been a total asshole. It was almost better to have him gone rather than deal with his mercurial moods if I made a stink. I still didn’t think he would cheat, I thought he was having a “mid life crisis”. So I just let him do his thing and figured, he would come back around. Gave him more trust not less.

In hindsight, I should have told him he could go eff himself. I think he started acting like a single man right about the time he started crossing lines with his AP. So my issue wasn’t that he always did it, but that he began to show disrespect for me and I did nothing about it. I was being cheated on anyways, I could have just hastened the divorce process and not spent years of time waiting on him to “come back”. 

Not trying to play the worlds smallest violin here just saying, at some point I guess we have to make the hard choices in what we will and will not tolerate even you’re married and and have kids together, even if they never really did this until 14 years into the marriage. I know that I would absolutely never again tolerate this stuff again. But it was a lesson hard won.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TXTrini said:


> So are you dudes saying you fully expect normal women are to act like paid hos? 😂


As long as she is only a ho with me I’m good with it 😅

Whew ….. it’s getting hot in here !!!

Too bad @Blondielocks isn’t here 😂


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

snowbum said:


> You can be high value and not a man ho


I would say women would say George Strait and Alan Jackson are considered high value. Both are very happily married husbands that only have eyes for their wives.


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## Hurthusband77 (May 9, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> Why in God's name did you marry her after that?


Didn’t find out about that until 2015 (happened in the late 90’s / early 2000’s). Came out when I discovered her PA (2012) in 2015. Would I have married her had I known, probably not, but I wasn’t privy to that bit of information.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

TXTrini said:


> So are you dudes saying you fully expect normal women are to act like paid hos? 😂


If by paid hos you mean wild crazy sex i say yes with my W. Or I'm hers. Yep. No problem.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Im not saying all cases are like mine, but he decided to act single pretty suddenly. Lots of red flags we’re going off everywhere, but I KNEW if I called him out he’d have been a total asshole. It was almost better to have him gone rather than deal with his mercurial moods if I made a stink. I still didn’t think he would cheat, I thought he was having a “mid life crisis”. So I just let him do his thing and figured, he would come back around. Gave him more trust not less.
> 
> In hindsight, I should have told him he could go eff himself. I think he started acting like a single man right about the time he started crossing lines with his AP. So my issue wasn’t that he always did it, but that he began to show disrespect for me and I did nothing about it. I was being cheated on anyways, I could have just hastened the divorce process and not spent years of time waiting on him to “come back”.
> 
> Not trying to play the worlds smallest violin here just saying, at some point I guess we have to make the hard choices in what we will and will not tolerate even you’re married and and have kids together, even if they never really did this until 14 years into the marriage. I know that I would absolutely never again tolerate this stuff again. But it was a lesson hard won.


Hind sight is always 20/20. I think any sudden changes in behavior should be called into question. The fact you knew he would be an asshole if you called him out is a red flag in itself.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Hind sight is always 20/20. I think any sudden changes in behavior should be called into question. The fact you knew he would be an asshole if you could him out is a red flag in itself.


Agreed. Operating out of fear or avoidance gets you a big boot to the face. Decisive and assertive is the way.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Mr.Married said:


> As long as she is only a ho with me I’m good with it 😅
> 
> Whew ….. it’s getting hot in here !!!
> 
> Too bad @Blondielocks isn’t here 😂





Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If by paid hos you mean wild crazy sex i say yes with my W. Or I'm hers. Yep. No problem.


You boys knows exactly what I meant. I don't refer to married women who sex their spouses/SO's up as paid hos. 

Who else are you supposed to go nuts with if not your spouse? You'd think being able to let down your hair because you're not worried what that person would think of your butthole would set you free...


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> I don't define it, because I think most of us are in general agreement which men are most desired by women.


News flash. One does not have to be a "high value" man to get attention.

I was a shy nerdy type and had very aggressive attention from ladies. In at least two instances two or more women plotted to get me in bed with one of them.

Just shows there's hope for the rest of you less than "high value" types. 😁


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Julie's Husband said:


> News flash. One does not have to be a "high value" man to get attention.
> 
> I was a shy nerdy type and had very aggressive attention from ladies. In at least two instances two or more women plotted to get me in bed with one of them.
> 
> Just shows there's hope for the rest of you less than "high value" types. 😁


There’s also hope for winning the lottery, but I wouldn’t build my financial plan around it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DudeInProgress said:


> There’s also hope for winning the lottery, but I wouldn’t build my financial plan around it.


🙂


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

TXTrini said:


> You'd think being able to let down your hair because you're not worried what that person would think of your butthole would set you free...


Stop trying to give our wives ideas.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

As I read through this thread it is clear if I listed out all the “indicators of cheating possibilities” that exists in my married life and my/her profession the cheating zlut and cheating azzhole clouds would rain down from the TAM mob. You just can’t throw everyone in the same box …GNO or otherwise.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TXTrini said:


> married women who sex their spouses/SO's up as paid hos.


I’m not too shy to offer her money if that’s all it takes 😜


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> By about 11 pm, we're all yawning and checking the time. Buncha old folks, us. We might go out for dinner, but it's socks and ponytails (and jammie pants, last time our friend brought her own to our house so she could change after dinner) by 9.


If it's a GNO I don't want to be home. I want to go out, have a few drinks, listen to some music, dance, etc. 

It depends on the crowd. I go out dancing with my female Hispanic friends. I go to breweries with my American female friends. 

I don't wear jammies 🤣


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

pastasauce79 said:


> If it's a GNO I don't want to be home. I want to go out, have a few drinks, listen to some music, dance, etc.
> 
> It depends on the crowd. I go out dancing with my female Hispanic friends. I go to breweries with my American female friends.
> 
> I don't wear jammies 🤣


I'm sure I am a LOT older than you. That's why we love our jammies. 😉


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Mr.Married said:


> As I read through this thread it is clear if I listed out all the “indicators of cheating possibilities” that exists in my married life and my/her profession the cheating zlut and cheating azzhole clouds would rain down from the TAM mob. You just can’t throw everyone in the same box …GNO or otherwise.


Same.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I'm sure I am a LOT older than you. That's why we love our jammies. 😉


I don't know! I'm 43 going on 35! 🤣


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Mr.Married said:


> As I read through this thread it is clear if I listed out all the “indicators of cheating possibilities” that exists in my married life and my/her profession the cheating zlut and cheating azzhole clouds would rain down from the TAM mob. You just can’t throw everyone in the same box …GNO or otherwise.


I don’t know what you’re meaning here. Do you mean you both have indicators of what people would consider “cheating behavior”?


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> Wife never did GNO and didn't want to. I never did BNO, and didn't want to. We didn't live a singles lifestyle after we married. We go places with other married couples. We did life together with our children.
> 
> But that is us, and we are dinosaurs. Irrelevant in today's world.


Then color me a dinosaur, cause that is exactly what my marriage is like. When we were single, we did single stuff, now that we are married, we do things together. That doesn't mean she can't have a GNO, it just means if she wants to do that more than hang out with me, it's probably time to re-evaluate our marriage.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Hurthusband77 said:


> Didn’t find out about that until 2015 (happened in the late 90’s / early 2000’s). Came out when I discovered her PA (2012) in 2015. Would I have married her had I known, probably not, but I wasn’t privy to that bit of information.


Sorry man - that flat out SUCKS.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

DudeInProgress said:


> There’s also hope for winning the lottery, but I wouldn’t build my financial plan around it.


Definitely wouldn't expect the lottery to pursue me, but women are not lottery.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

pastasauce79 said:


> I don't know! I'm 43 going on 35! 🤣


I'm 51 and have always been a nudist as much as possible.😉


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

pastasauce79 said:


> I don't know! I'm 43 going on 35! 🤣


I am a LOT older than you.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> I'm 51 and have always been a nudist as much as possible.😉


I can't be a nudist. I need layers 🤷🏻‍♀️


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

pastasauce79 said:


> I can't be a nudist. I need layers 🤷🏻‍♀️


I can’t either. That time has passed. I’m not a 19 year old any more.😢


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I am a LOT older than you.


Age is just a number! 😉


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

pastasauce79 said:


> Age is just a number! 😉


Said the young person! 😉


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

pastasauce79 said:


> I can't be a nudist. I need layers 🤷🏻‍♀️


I probably should use layers but don't and don't get any complaints either. Just the opposite, especially when you wiggle and run away. Life's too short to waste it being too self conscious to enjoy it.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

QuietRiot said:


> I don’t know what you’re meaning here. Do you mean you both have indicators of what people would consider “cheating behavior”?


I mean that we haven’t cheated but I’ve been in a lot of situations where people would find it hard to believe I didn’t. These range from deep sea tournament fishing with half naked chicks on board, extensive clubbing while out of town for work both foreign and domestic, and being in a hotel in Uruguay for a month and a half where the other 6 guys (all married) had near full time live in call girls. I’ve never cheated and my wife knows every detail but if my wife came in here and asked people’s opinion I can imagine how that would go. I’m not even including examples I have been around in the oilfield. The only thing I’m guilty of is working with people that make bad choices and fishing with buddies that like wild women.

In her younger years my wife was a nurse. She got hit on by doctors constantly. Everything from “I had a hot dream about you” to private party invites. Back then I was a dirty diesel mechanic. My wife has been on her share of GNO with her friends though it’s been quite a while.

What I mean to say is: We choose each other no matter the outside influences.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well I mean all the ladies love a man with a truck, right? 😉🤠


I want to believe this is true but I have to say I received more attention from the ladies when I drove a paint to sample 911.

<gets out of car>
Woman: Is that your car! Wow.
Me: 🤔 (I just got out of it). Yes.
Woman: Oh I love that color did it come like that?
Me: Yes.
Woman: I love it.

Versus…

<gets out of dirty truck>
🦗🦗🦗


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well I mean all the ladies love a man with a truck, right? 😉🤠


God I hope so ! Not the best truck picture but it is the only one I have on my phone.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> I'm 51 and have always been a nudist as much as possible.😉






pastasauce79 said:


> I can't be a nudist. I need layers 🤷🏻‍♀️





TexasMom1216 said:


> I can’t either. That time has passed. I’m not a 19 year old any more.😢


It doesn't stop my wife (52) and I (51). And we got our togs off at a nudist beach, for the first time in February of 2021.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@Mr.Married, the like is for the flying thingamajig.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> I want to believe this is true but I have to say I received more attention from the ladies when I drove a paint to sample 911.
> 
> <gets out of car>
> Woman: Is that your car! Wow.
> ...


It probably depends on the audience.

Pulling up to a hoppin bar & grill with a pair of good jeans, shyt kickers and a good tight T while I'm stepping out of my Dodge 4500 dually with my fifth wheel attachment and diesel generator on the bed can get me some pretty good attention.😉🤠


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

TXTrini said:


> I probably should use layers but don't and don't get any complaints either. Just the opposite, especially when you wiggle and run away. Life's too short to waste it being too self conscious to enjoy it.


It's not really a self conscious thing. It's a sensory thing. I can be naked when I need to, though! 😉


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

pastasauce79 said:


> Age is just a number! 😉


Indeed! In my case a very high number.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Rus47 said:


> Indeed! In my case a very high number.


A high number is a good sign! 👍


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> God I hope so ! Not the best truck picture but it is the only one I have on my phone.
> 
> View attachment 91390


Beautiful airplane! Aerobatic 3d?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Rus47 said:


> Beautiful airplane! Aerobatic 3d?


Yes sir … +6/-3


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

After all I've read....I don't think anyone is 100% immune to infidelity, given the situation , you arrive in...Or put yourself in...

How many times on TAM do u see posted , she would never do that , I trust him 100% , I can't believe this happened....


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> It probably depends on the audience.
> 
> Pulling up to a hoppin bar & grill with a pair of good jeans, shyt kickers and a good tight T while I'm stepping out of my Dodge 4500 dually with my fifth wheel attachment and diesel generator on the bed can get me some pretty good attention.😉🤠


That will make any good Texas girl crazy 😜


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Mr.Married said:


> God I hope so ! Not the best truck picture but it is the only one I have on my phone.
> 
> View attachment 91390


It's got wings!. Oh wait, hold on..👍🙂🙂


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

SunCMars said:


> What an echo chamber, I find here.
> 
> Most everyone posting is over 40, some over 60.
> 
> ...


I see, said the blind man

AND CAN'T SEE A DAMN thing!

Diet coke comes in a can

The cup on the ceiling is blue and dripping


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Well I mean all the ladies love a man with a truck, right? 😉🤠


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

As a Texas woman I hate to throw a damp on the whole truck thing but I got my fill of them when I worked at a Dodge dealership. I hate getting in and out of them, and I also hate getting in and out of any SUVs that are on a truck frame. 

I wouldn't mind a small truck like they barely make anymore. And I like the looks of the Jeep truck. 

Only had one boyfriend that as far as I know had a truck. He also had a race car he drug around on a trailer with the truck. When I broke up with him because he was too young and ridiculous, I would hear his extremely loud truck going back and forth down the street outside my apartment complex. He didn't make a very good stalker because of how loud that truck was.


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