# husband on asian dating sites



## 3jobsin1 (Sep 10, 2011)

my husband has travelled to asia (bkk, singapore, indo) a few times a year the last 3 yrs for work. In march this yr i found id's he registered on 2 dating sites and has been emailing other women. one of the emails said to meet him at his hotel. i confronted him and he tried to lie but i knew some things already thru research on comp. He denied ever meeting anyone in person in asia. i still dont believe it. in short, we opened up about our feelings and decided to make things work. I especially cuz we have 2 young children. if i didnt have kids, i would've left him. he told me he didnt want to split up. it's been rocky the last few months but i was starting to feel more comfortable with him. 
Last week i found him still logged into a dating site (he had gone out for a smoke and i checked the history). he had a new id and one of the msg to another woman was asking to meet at his hotel. This was a few days before he left for Bangkok & Pattaya with his boss. He comes back Monday. i paid a PI to spy on him for a couple days. Dont have full report yet but PI indicated no cheating. I could've picked the wrong days or maybe he's being good. i got the PI just so that i'd have hard evidence of cheating instead only having his word. i also made up a fake id on that site & msg him. he gave a lot of sweet talk and msgs of going to his room. Then he'll call me and tell me how much he loves me more than anything and misses me. If i tell him i know about the id, then he'll delete id (& probably make a new one i wont know about) and i wont be able to see how often he's logged on. dont know if i want to discuss this with him and/or work on marriage. I’m mainly thinking of the kids. When we first argued, he said he was going to move to Thailand cuz it’s cheaper to live there. i dont believe that's the only reason. 
Unfortunately i just dont trust him anymore. It will take long time for him to earn my trust again. Even if he may or may not actually have slept w/another woman/women, i still feel like he cheated cuz he tried to find someone. Is this cheating or am i overreacting? Any advice, comments or questions would be greatly appreciated.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

He is a sex tourist on the side, I would think.

Using asian dating sites as one of his hookup methods.

Make sure he is fully tested for broad range of STDs. You too.


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## 3jobsin1 (Sep 10, 2011)

Thanks aug. i didnt seriously think about that side of the issue. Will get tested.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

Even if there is no evdence of a PA yet, the fact that he has attempted to cover up his tracks shows intent to deceive, as evidenced by his responses the undercover messages you sent him. 

This is tough, but you may have to confront him again with leaving the marriage if he does not stop what he is doing immediately, offer full transparency and be willing to seek counseling with or without you.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

tm84 said:


> Even if there is no evdence of a PA yet, the fact that he has attempted to cover up his tracks shows intent to deceive, as evidenced by his responses the undercover messages you sent him.
> 
> This is tough, but you may have to confront him again with leaving the marriage if he does not stop what he is doing immediately, offer full transparency and be willing to seek counseling with or without you.


From my experience with my cheating husband DO NOT come right out and tell him you know anything as of yet. Gather all your evidence and then let that lead you. Because as you said he will just lie and change up. Even when caught and fess up he will go a little deeper with it. Tread lightly until your ready and do the best for you. Good Luck.


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