# Only been married for 3 months, and I already feel like our relationship is dead?



## LizzySundae (Apr 5, 2012)

Hey there, everyone!

I have been feeling at a loss for about the past month about my marriage. My husband and I met in high school, and dated our entire senior year. He proposed to me 4 months into our relationship. We moved into an apartment together in August and were married in December. Although all of our friends and family didn't think it was the wisest decision, they still supported us whole-heartedly Things seemed to be perfect until we tied the knot.

Now 3 months later, I don't know what to do. We fight every night, and sex is slowly becoming a rarity. When we spend time together, it's just us sitting in the living room doing our own separate things. It's like we don't have anything to talk about anymore. We both make advances to spend time with each other and talk or be intimate, but the other isn't interested or it's found inconvenient. We bicker about everything and I go to bed crying most nights. He actually asked me the other night if I could remember the last night we didn't fight, I honestly couldn't remember. He gives me a hard time over what friends I see. He had a friend who was a bum stay on our sofa for a month (who happened to be one of my exes.), but when he saw I was Facebook friends with a particular ex he didn't like he had a melt down. I have no sexual interest in him, but it isn't due to lack of libido. There is no romance in our relationship, and if I say one little thing he doesn't want to hear, fit hits the shan.

Just the other night I was so uncomfortable being in bed with him I went to go sleep on the couch. Yikes, right? I have honestly been contemplating escape strategies to get out of this if it escalates further.

Any advice on what I can do to try and salvage this wreck? What would you do if you were me? Any and all input is greatly appreciated.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

The first bit of advice is: DO NOT GET PREGNANT!!!!!!!!

Second, exit strategy. You haven't been married long enough to have a tough divorce. You need to get out of this marriage quickly. Don't worry about hurting hubby's feelings. It sounds like he feels the same way you do. Getting a divorce after a few months is NOT A FAILURE. It means you are smart and know yourself. Follow your heart and your gut, they never lie.

See an attorney ASAP and see what your options are. 

Did I mention to NOT get pregnant?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Get an annulment, you jumped into marriage without knowing each other very well. This is supposed to be your honey moon period. You should be unable to keep your hands off each other not fighting all the time.

The both of you need to find more compatible partners because if this what you're getting only 3 months into the marriage, imagine what will happen as the years pile on and you bring kids into the picture.


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## LizzySundae (Apr 5, 2012)

As soon as I noticed things were starting to go down hill I immediately found birth control, even though he was against it. We wouldn't be able to bring a child into the world in a healthy marriage at or age, nonetheless when we're struggling like this.

I love him with all my heart, but I've realized that we are just much too young for this.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Do you love him though? I don't know...It's ok if you don't. Maybe you just love the idea of him, or the idea of marriage, or the idea of love.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Personally, I think you should confide in your family and admit that you think you made a mistake, you feel trapped and don't know what to do. If divorce or annulment is the answer, they can help to guide you through it. Don't alienate your support system just because you are afraid to hear "I told you so." Now is the time to swallow your pride.

That being said - not to be rude, but you do realize that marriage isn't all sunshine and rainbows right? You guys are going to get on each others nerves, in ways you never thought possible. I think you are both still young and have some growing to do before you can learn to "pick your battles".

Ultimately you need to follow your heart. If you feel that you are too young for the commitment, that feeling likely wont go away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LizzySundae (Apr 5, 2012)

Kag123,

I see both of your points. I plan on in confiding in my mother what I feel and hear what she has to say. I also understand that marriage is not always sunshine and rainbows and has many ups and downs. I learned that from watching my parents struggle for 14 years. I've been trying to grin and bear it and shrugging it off as a phase, but things are beginning to get too out of control for me and I'm now aware that I have some reevaluating to do and some decisions to make.


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## monicagrace27 (Apr 3, 2012)

Wow, posts like this kind of frighten me. I do not really have any advice, but I can relate to the dating in high school and we plan to marry soon after. I am just afraid of feeling like this.

Personally, if I were in this situation, I agree that you should get out of the relationship. Although it sounds like you love him, it sounds like this relationship is not very beneficial to either of you. I hope this wont be too personal, but what kinds of things do you typically argue about?


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## LizzySundae (Apr 5, 2012)

monicagrace27 said:


> I hope this wont be too personal, but what kinds of things do you typically argue about?


We argue over just about everything. From finances, to whether or not we should lock our door when we go out (one that really bothers me), whether or not it's essential for me to have body wash and facial scrub (I suffer from moderate acne), to whether the dish soap and sponge should be on the counter or put away under the sink. Just tonight he got very upset over Easter plans that were out of my control. Every little thing seems to provoke him for no reason.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sounds like he's not happy either.

Have you had a heart to heart with him? He's your husband, not your enemy. if you're both not happy, then talk about it in a calm way and figure out why and what can be done to help it.

Sounds like a lot of control issues. Have you talked about expectations as husband and wife? What responsibilities you'll both have to the marriage? Distribution of responsilities, etc?

Talk talk talk talk talk. But be calm and be sincere.


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