# Divorce???



## navywif3y0923 (Apr 26, 2011)

I need some advice... here is my story.

I fell on love with my Husband when I was 10 years old. Never looked at another man the same way, and some people think Im crazy for sticking around for so long. I grew up with him being a typical boy... being mean, breaking up with me for no reason, leading me on. But no matter what I stayed around. My husband and I got back together when I was 16 maybe 17. 

Growing up I have always wanted kids. I havent had the best childhood, and I always told myself I was going to be a better mom, and my Husband knew I wanted kids. But when I was 19 I got pregnant. It was unexpected, but I was excited... but he wasnt. He said he didnt want kids until he was 28... and at that time he was 21. Well I miscarried, and he was there for me, but a part of me thinks he wanted it... I know thats bad to say but he has always been a stickler for sticking to his plans. Well it was very hard on me and took its toll on me, but I moved on and grew stronger. Well in April 10' we got married... we decided to get married before he got deployed. He was deployed in August 10'. 

I got to go see my Husband one last time before he went to afghan. Well I got pregnant again! This time I was scared, and excited at the same time... and well of course he was upset, and mad. But I guess the guys talked to him and calmed him down a little, cause it sounded as if he was a little happy. Well I miscarried again. I went threw it all by myself, and that was one of the hardest things I ever had to do! 

Well since my miscarriages my Husband says Ive changed... and since he has been over there, all we do is fight! I want kids, and he doesnt! I want him to respect me. I want him to understand what I went threw. I have always been right threw behind my Husband for EVERYTHING.... and Ive never second guessed him on anything... but now if I want something he questions me... he doubts me... he is never there!!! and he had nerve enough to tell me that if I wanted kids I can go find a kid to have a kid with! I dont want him to do anything he doesnt want to do, but I dont want to waste my time. I want to be with someone who wants what I want. 

After months of fighting with my Husband, he tells me he wants kids. But I think he is just telling me this because he doesnt want me to leave him. Well I dont think I know... thats what he told me! He said if thats what he has to do then he will. I dont want someone to tell me they will settle, cause I dont want him to regret our kid, if we were to have one! 

Im soooooo lost I need advice!!!


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

I'm sorry you've had to deal with miscarriages. That has to be hard on anyone!

I'm a military wife as well, and have been through a couple deployments. That throws an entirely different set of complications into a marriage. 

I'm not too familiar with the Navy, but here on our base they offer free counseling through the Military Family Life Consultants. Or you could always find a Chaplain. But I think you need to talk to someone. You sound lonely, as most are when dealing with a deployment AND having issues with your spouse at the same time.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

This seems pretty cut and dried. The main issue is that you want kids asap, and he wants to wait. Believe me I'm generally of the mind that, relationally speaking, men are idiots and *******s so it isn't often that I defend them, but it sounds like you knew full well that he did not want children until later. It sounds like you knew that when you married him, and now it sounds like you are disappointed that he doesn't want children until later. 

I really don't mean to be harsh, but I don't understand why there is any confusion here. Marriage absolutely requires a healthy amount of compromise, but there are times when certain partners simply aren't willing to compromise on certain major issues, and they shouldn't always have to. It sounds like you didn't take his desire to wait for children seriously, and that is a major life decision. If you feel like divorce is the only option, then I have to question why you married him to begin with? It doesn't make sense.

Let me be clear, you have every right to desire children right now. You don't have to agree with your husband all the time, and if you want kids now, then you should absolutely express how strong that desire is. You can hope that he'd be willing to compromise on that, but he isn't required to do so and on an incredibly important and personal issue like this, I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

I'm really, really sorry to hear that you had to go through two miscarriages, especially all alone on the second one. Perhaps he was a little insensitive to the news, it sounds like he has let his frustration get the better of him at times, and I really hope he didn't do or say anything that would indicate that the pregnancy was your fault somehow. With that said, the man does not want children and it sounds like he hasn't made a secret of that, so I honestly think it would be really awful of you to consider divorce for that reason alone. By you agreeing to marry him, knowing fully how he feels about children, that indicates that you were perfectly willing to accept waiting to have kids. I'd hate to think you'd be willing to break his heart and throw the lives you've shared together away, when it sounds like he hasn't done anything wrong to deserve it. 

Unless there is more to this story, I sincerely hope you'll reconsider. Perhaps give him some time, keep up some very slight pressure if you like, and I bet you he will budge before too long, really I do.


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