# Child Support



## Daisy82 (Sep 4, 2012)

Maybe there is a better section for this question to be, if so please move it.

I'm curious how many couples have come to a mutal decision on the amount of child support or if most just left it up to the courts to decide.

Basically my stbxh is telling me, in a round about way, that as long as I agree to what he thinks he should pay in child support than we'll get along just fine. But if I leave it up to the courts and it's more than what he thinks is "fair" then he will fight me to the end.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Are you in the US? Doesn't it go by how much he makes?

My husband has a tabled amount to pay...the more $ he makes, the more he has to pay. There's no choice, and there's no 'cap' to that amount.

We are in Canada.


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## Daisy82 (Sep 4, 2012)

I am in the US. What my lawyer has told me, basically the supreme courts have come up with a formula (he makes X, subtract taxes, insurance ect. subtract y devide by 20%=amount he owes) so it's as fair as possible for each person paying child support. He makes good money for where we live but he chooses to make stupid choices with it. 

On one hand I want to just let the formula decide and on the other I don't like the idea of my children going without while they are with their dad. 

We've gotten "advice" (mostly from his family) to agree on X amount and then split the cost of activities and clothing ect. for the children. Great idea but that didn't work before we separated so why would it now. It's always been, Me: "Hey they kids need (blank)". Him: "What they have will work" or "We don't have the money". But you can bet your a$$ he buys his cigarettes everyday and makes sure his Harley payment is made. Ok now I'm just ranting but you get the idea.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Be careful when agreeing to anything outside of what the court orders. I'm glad my H is being a good man and is paying his CS without fail no matter what, but he is on the bum end of the stick, since his ex made all kinds of stipulations in their agreement for extras. I'm thinking of this in reverse for you, as in if you don't sort it out IN WRITING, you'll get more of the 'what they have will work'. You may want to be sure that your lawyer includes any extras in your agreement/order.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

In most states, the child support guidelines represents the presumptive amount of child support due, and it is by a formula. If you agree to a different amount you have to explain why, and "cause he said so," just won't cut it. If you agree to a lesser amount, the courts are not obligated to abide by it when it comes time to granting the final divorce.


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## Daisy82 (Sep 4, 2012)

I've used an online CS calculator but is anyone willing to share what they receive in CS? Again I don't want to make it where he isn't able to support the kids on his own time but I also know I will be the one mostly responsible for daily needs.

Guilt is a killer!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I asked for a flat rate of $200 a month and that's what I got. Thinking back, I should of asked for more, a fair share on his part.

My ex h kept telling my child I was stealing his money. Actually he did some identity theft on me and laughed about it. He stopped all contact with her years ago. He hates his daughter and let's her know.

Karma will get him back if it hadn't already.

I truly believe in doing what's fair for everyone.

Edit to add-- my ex h was trying to get my child into smoking "pot" with him. I found this out at the high school graduation party that I invited his sister and a few other of their family. I don't know why I wasn't informed of this earlier in life. He said this to her while she was 14 years old. I was beyond livid! We do not participate in ANY illegal activity in our household. I don't even drink alcohol. My ex h is an abuser. I made sure his time with my child was supervised for years and limited after that. I'm grateful he's no longer in her life. I'm grateful my child is smart enough not to do illegal drugs, drink or even smoke cigeretts.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Are you guys splitting custody 50/50?

Who will be primary caregiver?

Go by what you are legally entitled to.

No more, no less.

This way, everything is 'legit' and if he wants to go to court kicking and screaming well .. then that's up to him.

What will the court say?

"Oh what's that? You don't think it's 'fair' to have to pay what you're legally obligated to? Tough sh!t. By the way, you owe "x" amount of dollars in unpaid child support."

Take threats for what they are, pathetic posturing that won't hold up to jack squat when it comes down to the real deal.

The only unmoral thing would be for you to try and dig EVERY LAST PENNY out of him.

Which you aren't doing.

Child support, daycare, marital loans .. at least up north are a no brainer must pay.

Who cares what he does with his money, he can go spend it all on micro machine cars (remember those?).

As long as he pays what he should.

My ex requested $200 for child support.

I figured it out to be roughly $300 and I counter offered with $100 MORE.

Think she would be grateful that I was at least trying to be honest?

Nope, all I got in return was "well I didn't know exactly how much you made or else I would have suggested that".


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Isn't that what you'd expect from an entitled princess?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Isn't that what you'd expect from an entitled princess?


Heh.

Simply an example of even when you try to be modest and fair, it doesn't mean the other party will view it as such.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

UpnOver said:


> Heh.
> 
> Simply an example of even when you try to be modest and fair, it doesn't mean the other party will view it as such.


You've treated her with the consideration you wanted from her.

And, the less she returned it, the more you gave.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> You've treated her with the consideration you wanted from her.
> 
> And, the less she returned it, the more you gave.


The emotional side yes. I cannot deny that.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

UpnOver said:


> The emotional side yes. I cannot deny that.


We've all done it.

That's how we "know".


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Eh, my H pays nearly 1600$ a month; that doesn't include a registered education savings plan and any extras that the kids 'need'.

IMO, it's outrageous...their agreement stipulates that she is also entitled to any bonuses he receives and the payment goes up every time he gets a raise at work. 

I know it's for the kids, but she has arranged it so that he can't really see the kids without spending huge amounts of money. He never sees them. There is no relationship.


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## Daisy82 (Sep 4, 2012)

I am not trying to take him for everything he's got. Yet he doesn't believe that. Child support is pretty basic, formula states X therefore he owes X. Maintenance/alimony on the other hand, I know he'll fight. But my lawyer says there's a really good chance I'll get it and it's not for a lifetime, just a few years. At this point I'm going to "ask" for what I've been told I can get. Fair is fair right, I've been a stay at home mom for the last 6 years so we wouldn't have childcare expense. But in doing so, I haven't had a chance to make my own money. And when I decided to start a daycare to help bring in a little money he would tell me I'm not working or helping pay for this or that.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

You're getting divorced.

He will likely not agree to much.

My ex said she wanted to be amicable.

Amicable as in I agree to everything she says.


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## Daisy82 (Sep 4, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> You're getting divorced.
> 
> He will likely not agree to much.
> 
> ...



Pretty much! Conversation the other day: Him: I thought you wanted to be friends? Me: Not if that means I only look out for you and not me and the kids? Him: Well if you will just agree to (X amount) then everything will be fine.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Use the state formula as a guideline, tell him that's what you expect to receive, and you'd prefer to do that rather than accept less and work out all the activities separately, that's too complicated.

If he wants to fight you then say 'go ahead, I'll still get what I'm asking for you because it's from the formula, you'll just waste a lot of money in legal fees'.

In my state the losing party often has to pay the legal fees of the winning party, you might want to look into that and let him know that's on the table as well.


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