# Divorce and social media



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

During this summer since STBXH and I separated, I've been very careful about what I post on social media because I don't want people (acquaintances, extended family) to find out about our relationship status through Facebook. STBXH has been much more open about his posts though, until the last little while (posting stuff about his solo travels, bachelor meals he's cooked, and motivational messages where his friends have commented on how sorry they are to hear the news). One posted stated that "you're never too important to be nice", which was 100% a jab at me because he says that I'm unkind. A couple months ago, I had wanted to ask him to please watch what he posts, but didn't know how to ask without him getting angry. 

Today, I got an email from him, asking me to stop cheering his progress on a fitness app that we share (I do give the occasional cheer to everyone on my list there). He stated that he's not ready to be friendly with me (fair enough, I get that), and that it will take him awhile to forgive and be at peace. He also wants me to hide my FB relationship status, which is also fair enough, but I think I've already done that. Does anyone know how this works: when you hide your relationship status, then eventually change it, will your FB friends be notified?

When replying to him, should I bring up forgiveness, and that neither of us were perfect in our marriage, or just keep it simple? I think I already know the answer to this, but just wanted thoughts.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

I think you can make it public, or viewable to your friends. But I believe the default setting is nobody sees the change as an announcement or post. And then Facebook even asks you if you would like to hide some of your posts from the person that you split with if you want. 


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I think you should keep it simple. He needs time & space. 

When it comes to FB, I personally think it's silly to be posting cryptic messages like he's posting. Then he's asking you to hide your status? Just seems petty and passive aggressive.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Why respond? Just ignore it.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I did end up replying, apologized for making him feel awkward, and asked that he be more wary of what he posts on Facebook. I've already heard back from him explaining away why he posted what he did, then said that he was disappointed in the replies that he received from those posts. At least he learned from it though, and hasn't done it in awhile!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Go to "about" section, click relationship. At the top is a -- which means it will not be shown.

If you wish to put something, you can make it public, friends of friends, just friends or close friends.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

I know some of us posted some technical helpful information. But you want to know one of the best things that I did when I was going through my divorce? I disabled my Facebook account. One of the best things that I did ever. Not only do you not have to look at nonsense that your STBXH is posting, but you also get away from all the other nonsense. Because for the most part it's nothing but ****ing nonsense. 

Get ghost and with no time frame in of returning. It will do you good I am sure. It might take a few days to adjust. But you will adjust. Plus, your ex probably stock you on Facebook and this will be a good opportunity to not allow him to do that anymore. My ex was asking me about it within 24 hours. 


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I've thought about giving up FB, but I've done a lot of travelling, and have friends on there from far and wide, and that's how we keep in contact. That, I would miss. You're right though, in that a lot of what you see on social media is nonsense, and THAT I wouldn't miss! I do post a lot less these days.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I deleted my FB not long after I was divorced and don't regret it one bit.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

Ursula said:


> I've thought about giving up FB, but I've done a lot of travelling, and have friends on there from far and wide, and that's how we keep in contact. That, I would miss. You're right though, in that a lot of what you see on social media is nonsense, and THAT I wouldn't miss! I do post a lot less these days.




Instagram is a lot more tame. Use that to communicate and share with your friends when you travel. Facebook is just way too much for people going through this type of ordeal. The amount of information that Facebook provides is just a lot. I mean you said so yourself and just reading posts from your STBXH. And it was obvious that this upset you. If you ghost out of Facebook, your real friends that really care what you're up to will figure out a way to communicate. And in the meantime, you've removed yourself from the nonsense that is Facebook. 


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