# Been divorced 3 months now and everyday I miss her.



## Hopeisgone (Jun 1, 2018)

Hello all, I apologize if my post seems long but maybe you guys can get the full understanding as to what I have going on in my life.... which by the way is a total mess right now. 
Ok so my ex and i were together for 9 years married for only 1 short year with 2 kids together, and she has 1 from a previous relationship who I treat like my very own since father is m.i.a. Everything was great in life. We were starting to get our careers going, as when we got together, we were 16. All of a sudden one day life took a turn for the worse. Fast. Now this last year was a total train wreck. 
My ex and I bought a house together in may 2017. We were so excited-so I thought. 3 weeks after the closing I discovered my wife had an ongoing affair. She begged and pleaded for me to forgive her because I was so firm on divorcing her. So, I felt it was right to give her the second chance. Then one day after we went out with friends and left the kids home, constantly and I mean constantly texting someone and when I came near her, the phone went down. 
So, December 2017 she saw someone get liposuction. She BEGGED me to get it for her. So stupid me, $15,000 loan on my name because of her. 
January of 2018, she tells me shes not happy, she wants a divorce. I mean hell, she wanted out so fast, she left me everything INCLUDING custody of the kids as well as my oldest child and my divorce process was literally 5 days. 
So one weekend, my son comes up to me and says "Daddy, why is another man sleeping in mommy's bed at her house?" I called her out on it, turns out she moved out of our house, moved in and is now in a relationship with a guy 15 years older then her, no kids, no money, hes a loser. How do you wrap your head around something like this? 
Now, I was so depressed from all of this, I lost my job because I wasnt myself. I'm working here and there but still trying to overcome all of this. I've lost all my friends because somehow, they took her side throughout all of this. I'm doing alright for now, but it's so hard to grasp something like this.


----------



## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

WOW.....Dude that is one heartnwrenching story. Those are some serious body blows. OK, now let's look at this objectively.......The GOOD news is that you are now rid of that psychopath. You need help to rebuild your sanity and your life. Stay tuned here.....you will get lots of good advice. One thing I CAN tell you for sure is that you WILL get through this and things WILL get better down the road. Peace


----------



## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Holy Sh** dude! Let me first start out by saying, this is somewhat of a feel good story (when you look back on it). She gave you and your kids the greatest gift of all. Full custody for a parent that actually will care for their kids and be the stable force they need and for you, not having to be without your kids too much if at all. That and everything else, she was stupid/crazy enough to forfeit, is your gain.

Now for the pain and emotional suffering and the 'not a care in the world' attitude from your XW, I know that hurts man and it will hurt for a while. It all happened so quick that you are going to have to grieve for a while. That's normal and I feel you and for you. Still going through the grieving process on my end as I near the divorce finalization in a few weeks (have known she wanted out and with OM for about 10 months though). It will get better. Just keep being strong for those kids but time for you to literally get strong as well. If you don't workout, start. Start making the best you possible so you can attract positive vibes in your life and the next honest and true Mrs.

Were there warning signs earlier in your relationship about her being either a possible wayward or other personality disorders?


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I am sorry your here, you should sue her for the 15K, the lesson here is that you go with your gut, and divorced when you first found out. Please tell me your are not paying child support on the kid that is not your. you know this will not last with her, and she will come begging back please learn your lesson and not take her back.


----------



## Hopeisgone (Jun 1, 2018)

stillfightingforus said:


> Holy Sh** dude! Let me first start out by saying, this is somewhat of a feel good story (when you look back on it). She gave you and your kids the greatest gift of all. Full custody for a parent that actually will care for their kids and be the stable force they need and for you, not having to be without your kids too much if at all. That and everything else, she was stupid/crazy enough to forfeit, is your gain.
> 
> Now for the pain and emotional suffering and the 'not a care in the world' attitude from your XW, I know that hurts man and it will hurt for a while. It all happened so quick that you are going to have to grieve for a while. That's normal and I feel you and for you. Still going through the grieving process on my end as I near the divorce finalization in a few weeks (have known she wanted out and with OM for about 10 months though). It will get better. Just keep being strong for those kids but time for you to literally get strong as well. If you don't workout, start. Start making the best you possible so you can attract positive vibes in your life and the next honest and true Mrs.
> 
> Were there warning signs earlier in your relationship about her being either a possible wayward or other personality disorders?


Dude, I've been working out. I dont eat, I mean, i go sometimes 3-4 days with nothing in my stomach but coffee. So far, it's been 12 months of this stress since the affair first started, and I used to be 390 lbs. Today I am 242 lbs and still losing because I literally have no appetite for anything. 
She has something wrong with her- not sure if its mild bi polar or what but I always tried to help her with it or I even told her to go seek help. Never did. 
Since shes been gone, I think the kids have stayed at her house maybe 4 nights total out of maybe 5 months total. They never sleep with her anymore. I go to work-i work 12 hr days- and come home, cook dinner, bathe them, etc. Its not easy, but they will remember who was their ride or die. 
One thing I forgot to mention- my daughter who is not mine biologically, her birthday was a few weeks ago and my ex didnt tell me she was throwing a birthday party for her. She had my old friends there, but the real swift kick in the nuts was her biological father AND the new guy shes with were at her party and she wouldnt invite me. I've been there for her since day 1(Pretty much). I loved my ex so much, we were 16 when we got together, I dropped out of high school, got a full time job and went to night school to help support a child that I knew wasnt mine. I did so much for my ex. I'll never bring up the things I've done for my daughter because those are things a parent is supposed to do. She calls me daddy, she even told her biological father "your not my daddy, you'll never be my daddy because my daddy is at home waiting for me" AT HER PARTY!.... sorry if i sound all over the place, it's just a lot of venting I've been wanting to do for so long. And I'm sorry to hear about your divorce as well. It's not easy


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

" I've lost all my friends because somehow, they took her side throughout all of this. " I think YOU need to get the correct story out there to your friends -- I bet she spread a whole TON of **** about you and they just took her word for it.

If you have facebook with these folks, why don't you post that she was cheating on you. Sounds like you did expose her ****ty behavior to everyone -- family, friends, etc. You need to do that.


----------



## Hopeisgone (Jun 1, 2018)

jlg07 said:


> " I've lost all my friends because somehow, they took her side throughout all of this. " I think YOU need to get the correct story out there to your friends -- I bet she spread a whole TON of **** about you and they just took her word for it.
> 
> If you have facebook with these folks, why don't you post that she was cheating on you. Sounds like you did expose her ****ty behavior to everyone -- family, friends, etc. You need to do that.


I'm not that type of person to air out my dirty laundry on Facebook. They're all hanging out with her so it's just not worth my time nor effort with that.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Hopeisgone said:


> I'm not that type of person to air out my dirty laundry on Facebook. They're all hanging out with her so it's just not worth my time nor effort with that.


I was just suggesting facebook as a way to tell all of them at once. If you have no issues with them thinking the worst about you even though SHE is the one who had an affair, sounds like they really weren't your friends at all anyway, so no big loss. I guess I read more into your words than you meant...


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Grieve your loss. It?s going to take some time. Your brain has to get accustomed to all this emotional stress.

Remember some things:
Your wife is a serial cheater. She likely always will be. She?s not long term material for any man. OM is a loser. You described him correctly. He will lose her just like you did, because she is a cheater. She has zero loyalty.

You will rise above this. Your life will improve. When your mind is right, someone new will capture your heart and you will actually forget your ex wife. Really. It will happen.

Be glad she took off and gave you full custody.

You can?t see it now. But, you have been given a gift... a GIFT! You don?t see it yet, but you will.

You?ll make it. Remember who you are. Be that man. I assure you it will get better.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

What the hell is it you miss?? Daily kicks in the nuts?? Jesus dude, you are SO MUCH BETTER OFF without that cheating [email protected]! Thank your lucky stars you didn't waste more of your life on this so called marriage! Give yourself another month to grieve then get off the pity pot and go find your happy!


----------



## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

Hopeisgone said:


> my daughter who is not mine biologically, her birthday was a few weeks ago and my ex didnt tell me she was throwing a birthday party for her. She had my old friends there, but the real swift kick in the nuts was her biological father AND the new guy shes with were at her party...


First of all, I am trying to wrap myself around what you said earlier in your post. The child (daughter) that your ex had before you got married..you said that the father was MIA and that's a reason why you took her on as your own and NOW, MIRACULOUSLY he attends his biological daughters birthday party after not being in her life for how long?

This makes no sense at all. Just tells me that your ex is a creep and a P.O.S. She was probably sleeping with her daughters ex while you guys were together/married as well. That would make me question the hell out of that situation. What a b****!!!!


----------



## Hopeisgone (Jun 1, 2018)

STORMCHASER said:


> Hopeisgone said:
> 
> 
> > my daughter who is not mine biologically, her birthday was a few weeks ago and my ex didnt tell me she was throwing a birthday party for her. She had my old friends there, but the real swift kick in the nuts was her biological father AND the new guy shes with were at her party...
> ...


Alright sorry I've been off the last few days as I had a ton going on... but yes, he started coming back around when he found out she left me in Hope's to try and get back together with her. So now my ex constantly tries to rub it in my face that hes going to come back in her life. But the reality is, that's not a threat to me. If he wants to come back, so be it. Here's the deal- I give her zero reaction anymore. We literally never talk unless she has a question about the kids and I keep it through text. So i noticed that whenever she wants to hear from me, she tries to do something that she thinks will spark me to wanna talk to her good or bad.


----------



## Hopeisgone (Jun 1, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> Grieve your loss. It?s going to take some time. Your brain has to get accustomed to all this emotional stress.
> 
> Remember some things:
> Your wife is a serial cheater. She likely always will be. She?s not long term material for any man. OM is a loser. You described him correctly. He will lose her just like you did, because she is a cheater. She has zero loyalty.
> ...


Everybody tells me the custody deal was a gift and I do love the fact I come home to my kids every night. The sad part is, I dont moes her while I'm at work or keeping myself busy... it's when I take the kids out to dinner or were home watching a movie or I'm laying in bed all alone and I suddenly miss the crap out of her. She used to be a woman that put her family above anything else, didnt care what was happening in other people's lives. That changed for the worse unfortunately. Every day that goes by I'm realizing more and more I miss the person she USED to be, not the person she is now


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Hopeisgone said:


> Everybody tells me the custody deal was a gift and I do love the fact I come home to my kids every night. The sad part is, I dont moes her while I'm at work or keeping myself busy... it's when I take the kids out to dinner or were home watching a movie or I'm laying in bed all alone and I suddenly miss the crap out of her. She used to be a woman that put her family above anything else, didnt care what was happening in other people's lives. That changed for the worse unfortunately. Every day that goes by I'm realizing more and more I miss the person she USED to be, not the person she is now


I am truly amazed your not pissed she completely snowed you for the operation...stop playing the fool and go after her legally sue her and him if only piss them off


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"Every day that goes by I'm realizing more and more I miss the person she USED to be, not the person she is now
" 
Good that you are starting to realize this -- great step towards detaching from her and the feelings you have. Yes it's normal to miss her -- you were together a long time -- but she really ISN'T who you thought. 
Good that you no longer react to her -- just keep it indifferent and minimal responses. I will seriously piss her off.

Keep up thinking like this and soon enough you really WILL be indifferent and realize that SHE has screwed up her own life. The karma bus will hit her eventually.


----------



## Hopeisgone (Jun 1, 2018)

jlg07 said:


> "
> Good that you are starting to realize this -- great step towards detaching from her and the feelings you have. Yes it's normal to miss her -- you were together a long time -- but she really ISN'T who you thought.
> Good that you no longer react to her -- just keep it indifferent and minimal responses. I will seriously piss her off.
> 
> Keep up thinking like this and soon enough you really WILL be indifferent and realize that SHE has screwed up her own life. The karma bus will hit her eventually.


Yeah, I'd like to think I'm on the right track towards letting it be... She came to drop the kids off last night, came in the house and she tried to just have a casual conversation but I was just one word answering her- no attitude, just not showing interest either. Then she proceeds to rub my stomach telling me "oh wow you've lost so much weight!" I just looked at her like yeah.... thanks. I used to be 385-390ish and now I'm 235 standing at 6'-2". So I'm almost there to bring completely slim and its driving her nuts cause she thinks I'm doing so well... which I am, just my head likes to play games once in awhile.


----------



## Hopeisgone (Jun 1, 2018)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Hopeisgone said:
> 
> 
> > I am truly amazed your not pissed she completely snowed you for the operation...stop playing the fool and go after her legally sue her and him if only piss them off
> ...


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your wife is not who you thought she was. she probably isn't who she thought she was.


----------



## Hopeisgone (Jun 1, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> Your wife is not who you thought she was. she probably isn't who she thought she was.


That's EXACTLY what she told me a few months ago


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Hopeisgone said:


> Yeah, I'd like to think I'm on the right track towards letting it be... She came to drop the kids off last night, came in the house and she tried to just have a casual conversation but I was just one word answering her- no attitude, just not showing interest either. Then she proceeds to rub my stomach telling me "oh wow you've lost so much weight!" I just looked at her like yeah.... thanks. I used to be 385-390ish and now I'm 235 standing at 6'-2". So I'm almost there to bring completely slim and its driving her nuts cause she thinks I'm doing so well... which I am, just my head likes to play games once in awhile.


NO MORE allowing her in your house! What the actual hell??


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I also don't think I'd let her touch your stomach (or anyplace else either!). Hands off. She lost the right to do that stuff when she cheated.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Honey, I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. You married a dud, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, or that it won't take some time to get over. When we pour ourselves into our mates and our marriage, just because they opt to betray us, doesn't mean all the love and feelings disappear.

To me, it sounds like you are progressing at a very healthy speed, so keep up all that you are doing. Once you are ready to throw your hat back in the dating ring, that will also be a step toward putting her even further behind you. Welcome to TAM and I really hope we can help you on your journey. Take good care of yourself sweetheart, and those beautiful babies. You are all blessed to have each other!


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

What an awful woman. Why are you pining over her? She cheated on you, cheated on you some more, then gave you full custody of HER Children! What kind of mother does this? All so she can shack up with some loser she probably met on Craigslist? Get a full STD test done right away, if you haven't already.

See this monster for who she is, people don't change like that overnight, you just had your rose colored glasses on the entire time. Use this experience as guide on qualities you do NOT want in your next mate.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You keeping contact, letting her come in your home won't get you a thing but a longer stay in this mess. 

Better wake up and implement a hard no contact policy. 

The only one keeping you in this mess is you.

Why? She's told you and shown you who she is. Maybe you should believe her now.


----------

