# I've been blindsided



## totallyblank (May 7, 2014)

I'm sooo devastated, confused, hurt, angry...I could go on and on. I'be been married for 10yrs., we have 2 children. I've been a stay at home mom for 9yrs., haven't made a dime, so my husband is the bread winner. He's a CPA but not paid what most CPA's are paid. 

In the beginning of our marriage I paid the bills and took care of the house. When I had my first child he started paying all the bills because I would forget to (busy being a first time mom). After a year or so I told him I could start paying the bills for him, he insisted he could do it, I need not worry about it. So for the past 8 years I have not looked at our bank statements, it's also been online, no more paper statements sent to the house. So I had no idea what was in the bank/savings...I just trusted that he would take care of that. I would ask every now and then, how are we doing on money, especially after our second child was born, she's now 4...he'd always say fine. Now both our kids go to private school, before enrolling them for the second year I asked are we able to afford this, I also said if we can't they can go to public school (we're not in the best school district but it's not the worst either), I even mentioned homeschooling, he said we'll be able to do it. I knew how much he made, I knew our expenses, so I had an idea of how much we possibly had left over every month, I knew it was tight, but I had no idea it was beyond tight, it was a negative.

I told him we need to save up to get new flooring, in the den and hallway, that I would be taking out $300 a month until we've saved enough. I honestly thought we had enough to cover me saving $300. Well we didn't, that's when he had to come somewhat clean and tell me It's going to be hard to make it every month taking that much out. So I said well let's just see what happens, if you need it I'll give it to you to deposit it. 

The next week I told him I'm taking the girls to dinner after gymnastics, which we always do, he said go somewhere cheap, we only have $31 in the bank! I about lost it. We were never good at communicating with one another, especially him, everything was like 20 questions, pulling teeth. I thought, he's an accountant, we have 2 children, I'm sure he'll be wise with the money. The fact is, it's not that he was the one spending, he worked all day, came straight home, and spent the weekend always with us. And it's not that I spent all the money every month, every now and then I would buy a few extras, almost everything I would splurge on would always be on sale/clearance...we simply couldn't afford the lifestyle I thought we were living. He made me believe all these years that we were doing fine financially.

I went looking online at our statement, in order for him to make ends meet every week/month he would take so much out of or home equity loan! It's now down to $700. He has a few credit cards that I did not know about that are maxed out and extremely high. And whatever was left in our savings is gone. 

I'm not a naive person, but I know it sure sounds like I am. I just really trusted him with our finances. His excuse is I never wanted to tell you no, I couldn't tell you no when you asked for something, the only big items I asked for is a trip to disney world with the kids, and every summer a small 3 day, driving distance vacation. He not only hurt me but also his children. They don't know it but they will in other ways.

I just need some advice


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

I would be heartbroken also. That is difficult to find out. That's part of your security together. Were you able to find out what he was spending any of this on? What was his reaction when you mentioned this to him?


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

totallyblank said:


> I'm sooo devastated, confused, hurt, angry...I could go on and on. I'be been married for 10yrs., we have 2 children. I've been a stay at home mom for 9yrs., haven't made a dime, so my husband is the bread winner. He's a CPA but not paid what most CPA's are paid.
> 
> In the beginning of our marriage I paid the bills and took care of the house. When I had my first child he started paying all the bills because I would forget to (busy being a first time mom). After a year or so I told him I could start paying the bills for him, he insisted he could do it, I need not worry about it. So for the past 8 years I have not looked at our bank statements, it's also been online, no more paper statements sent to the house. So I had no idea what was in the bank/savings...I just trusted that he would take care of that. I would ask every now and then, how are we doing on money, especially after our second child was born, she's now 4...he'd always say fine. Now both our kids go to private school, before enrolling them for the second year I asked are we able to afford this, I also said if we can't they can go to public school (we're not in the best school district but it's not the worst either), I even mentioned homeschooling, he said we'll be able to do it. I knew how much he made, I knew our expenses, so I had an idea of how much we possibly had left over every month, I knew it was tight, but I had no idea it was beyond tight, it was a negative.
> 
> ...


First of all, it's okay to be disappointed with your husband for not being honest with you about your financial situation. He certainly should have made it clear there was a problem when you guys started being in the red every month. And you need to make it clear that you need to be in the loop from here on out.

That being said, you guys are going to have to pull together to dig your way out of this financial hole. You are going to have to cut expenses and increase income to get to a sustainable situation. You need to not only get a grip on the recurring expenses, but also deal with the debt and put something away for your futures.

I am troubled by your comment that your husband is "a CPA but not paid what most CPA's are paid". I know it's a common perception that finance people with CPA's or MBA's make good money, but that's not how it works. I'm a finance guy, working with a ton of other finance guys making fairly modest salaries simply because, in this economy, people are hungry for jobs and employers don't have to pay much to keep good staff.

I would suggest that you keep this an issue of your husband not keeping you in the loop and not make it an issue of him not making enough money. It might have been a sense that he doesn't meet his own expectations (or what he perceives yours to be) that made him reluctant to tell you know.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This is a hard thing to find out for sure.

You've heard about the plumber with the leaky sinks??? I guess you have learned the hard way that CPAs are not necessarily good with money. They just know how to keep a record of it.

It's time for you to take over the finances again. First do a complete assessment of your situation. Find out if he was spending money on things that you did not know about or is this just him not saying no and bad management?

Then put a plan in place... how do you live and pay all this down? Can you negotiate with card companies, etc to get the debt reduced? Do you file bankruptcy? Do you get a job to help pay it off?

I understand your being upset. But you do have some options.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I'm really sorry that you have found yourself in this position, OP. Finances are not talked about as much as infidelity on TAM, but I think they can be almost as destructive.

My dh is doing most of our financial stuff now, but for years I was pretty involved. I never was deep into retirement or investment matters, but I kept track of expenses, lobbied for extra payments on the mortgage, didn't ask (too much!) for expensive things, etc. Being involved with the finances gives a person a sense of reality very quickly.

Money is a huge area of trust for me, and I suspect, for you, too. Your dh is really going to have to work to gain back that trust. I suggest total honesty and transparency between you . . . and total financial disclosure and responsibility on both your sides.


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## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

Personal Finance is my thing, kind of like a hobby. I couldn't scratch 2 nickels together in the first 2-3 years of our marriage....now have accumulated nearly 2 mill...it took 25 years to get there. I'm not saying this to brag, I'm saying that you seem to be relatively young and you have ample time to turn this around. I also have friends in their 50's that have saved nothing and are freaking out what the future holds for them...so you are not alone.

It's all about a complete lifestyle change. These are my suggestions..some are drastic measures.

First, you have to separate wants from needs. Private school is expensive. Right now you can not afford it. So, as you said..is it necessary? That's going to be a big savings right there.

Two, in analyzing your monthly statments, there must be cost cutting measures...where are your big expenses? Again, separate wants from needs. Do you drive nice cars or lease new cars? what about cable bills? gym memberships? etc. you really need to take a hard look at things. it sounds like you own your house with a mortgage and home equity loan. What are the rates? Can you move to a cheaper house? 

Three..credit card debt is an absolute killer. If you are maxed, you are paying at an insane interest rate. Call the credit card companies and get request a rate reduction...make them think that paying at the current pace is going to be tough for you. These rates are negotiable. Then take all these credit cards (except 1) and cut them up.

Four, have you considered working (even part time) to help make this situation better. This could make a huge difference. Every penny helps.

Five, make finance fun and a team approach. Get together with your husband once a month and work out a plan to get out of debt in a specific period of time (say 3 years). Celebrate small victories each month you are achieving your goal - a bottle of wine is nice.

Once you reach your plan, (debt elimination), start thinking about the future. Your goal will be savings, both short term and long term (retirement). 

Six, learn abut personal finance. There are so many good books for novices on this subject. Suze Ormann has a few, also Jane Bryant Quinn. Buy one for a reference you can use the rest of your lives.
Or get a subscription to Money Magazine which is provides great advice on a very simple level.

One secret I found when I was not good at saving money in my early days, is that I realized if the money went into my pocket, it would likely be spent. So, I started doing direct deposits into mutual funds every month, and maxing out on every tax advantaged opportunity I could (IRA's, Roths, SEPPS, 401K, company stock options, HSA's, you name it). This adjustment was painful at first, but eventually you learn to live with this. I realized I could not spend the money if I couldn't touch it. You are not at this point yet, as your first taks is to clean up debt, but your husband, as a CPA, would fully understand this.

I think your husband wanted to be the provider and not let you down. He had too much pride. Yes, he was not upfront about this situation for a long time, which is wrong, but it seems like he did not want to disappoint you. You can recover from this...your problem is not unique at all...it's widespread...and now that the problem is no longer a secret it can be addressed!!! Good luck to both of you!!


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## totallyblank (May 7, 2014)

Thanks for your responses and advice. I agree something has to change, and we have started on cutting back expenses. I could get a job, I would like to wait 'till my 3 year old is in school full time which will start this August. I really don't see any other way to help the situation improve drastically if I don't start working. It will probably only be a minimum wage job but it will help. 

Husband has asked for a 10% raise last Thursday, he has yet heard back if he will get it....should it take that long to respond...it's' been almost 7 days? He's only been at his job for a year now, but they don't get any perks, bonuses, etc. 

I'm soo angry at him still and he's not making it any better. He doesn't seem remorseful, mainly because his response was, It's not like I went out and bought a boat or anything big. For the past 2 years he has used our equity loan, savings and credit cards to make ends meet. I told him this morning, I feel like this isn't really bothering you, that you're not afraid what you did would make me want out, that you think I'm stuck, since I'm just a stay at home mom, no money, no job, I couldn't possibly leave, then I said I'm not stuck, I can find a way. 

I don't know, maybe I shouldn't threaten him, but I meant it, obviously this isn't our only problem within the marriage, it's been going down hill for a while. He probably doesn't realize it even though I've mentioned this to him a few times before, but I'm disappointed in how he is as a parent. He gets stressed out with them very quickly, he'll raise his voice when he doesn't need to, he never follows through with consequences, he forgets how to discipline, he's not as loving and affectionate with them as I thought he would be, and I've given him techniques but he always acts like I don't know what I'm talking about. Since our second child is when it got bad for me, when she was able to walk, and talk back, and fight back with her sister the house wasn't quiet anymore with two children now, and my husbands behavior with them has made me think a lot less of him, which he does not know.

I'm not a very strong person, I know if I leave him I will be depressed having to take on everything alone but I don't even want to look at him.


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## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

You should have been more involved in the financial aspect of your own life. I'm flabbergasted that you had no idea what financial shape your own household was in. As a CPA he should be easily making +100k.

And shame on him for not making sure you did know! I just can't get my head wrapped around this. You have no idea what it took to run your household, and your husband knew but did nothing to balance the budget.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

There is the whole keeping you in the dark thing, falsely reassuring you. I am not going to touch that. Frankly, I would dragging spouse into counseling for that. But the financial side of it:

https://www.youneedabudget.com/


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

totallyblank;

It's hard to tell from your description where you guys really are financially. Do you have any savings? Equity in the house?
IRA's? How old are you guys.

I know in these weird times, a lot of people are making 1/2 of what they used to in a good economy.

What kinds of extravagances has he spent money on?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Laralie said:


> You should have been more involved in the financial aspect of your own life. I'm flabbergasted that you had no idea what financial shape your own household was in. As a CPA he should be easily making +100k.
> 
> And shame on him for not making sure you did know! I just can't get my head wrapped around this. You have no idea what it took to run your household, and your husband knew but did nothing to balance the budget.


according to salary.com, average for CPA license is around 74K, not 100K.

Top salaries around 124K.

In these crummy times though, lots of people are making alot less. Especially if self employed they have to scrounge up clients. That plus depending on what area you live in.

Like the financial guy poster above said, lots of finance people aren't making what they 'should'.

maybe not relevant, but have to factor that into their equation.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Check this out:

http://www.indeed.com/salary/CPA.html

Like any job, your salary will depend on the area of the country you live in and the job title that you have. A CPA could be overqualified for a certain position and will be paid based on the job's requirements, not the credentials possessed.


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## Happyfamily (Apr 15, 2014)

lewmin said:


> Personal Finance is my thing, kind of like a hobby. I couldn't scratch 2 nickels together in the first 2-3 years of our marriage....now have accumulated nearly 2 mill...it took 25 years to get there.


I'm only 25 and have a running start despite being only a modest income family. I've actually had people here tell me that my savings accounts are imaginary or that I am just giving it to people that are making money off me. 

*totallyblank*, obviously you guys need to work on communication, but in addition you need a joint retirement plan. Sit down with a spreadsheet together and mock up some different budget/savings regimes and choose one.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

totallyblank said:


> *I could get a job, I would like to wait* 'till my 3 year old is in school full time which will start this August. I really don't see any other way to help the situation improve drastically if I don't start working. It will probably only be a minimum wage job but it will help.
> 
> I'm soo angry at him still and he's not making it any better.
> 
> ...


Totallyblank, I took the liberty of moving the wording of your post around and highlighting some parts of it to make it more straightforward.

After reading it, I have to agree that some drastic changes need to be made.

Let's face it. You married a loser. I mean, he's a failure as a breadwinner (makes not-as-much-as-his-wife-thinks-he-should), family money manager (can't say no to his wife about anything she wants, goes into debt so that his children can attend private school), and parent (doesn't have the patience of a saint with his children all the time).

Any of these behaviors in a husband merit the loathing and contempt that you feel for him, and given that he is exhibiting all three of them so despicably, I am surprised that you haven't dumped him already and married some other guy who will make enough money to maintain you in the style you deserve (simultaneously saving up a hefty nest egg for later in life), while being the perfect step-dad to your children. New guy will of course be handsome with six-pack abs, hung "just right," and have the perfect balance of "sensitive" and "tough."

TotallyBlank, let's face it. You deserve happiness in life, someone to take care of you, and your husband just isn't getting it done, on any level. I suggest you cut through all the drama and B.S. and just go ahead and divorce him.

You'll be free to find the man of your dreams.

Your ex-husband will be free to find a woman who has at least one ounce of gratitude in her heart and who appreciates a man who does the best he can for her.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Your husband failed not as a bread winner, but at being able to communicate. He was apparently so worried about disappointing you that he couldn't say no to anything you asked for. And yes you were being lied too, but ironically he lied to you because he loved you and wanted you to be happy and be a good provider, as all good men do.


At the end of the day it doesnt matter how MUCH money he makes (within reason) I know several married couples with children whose household income is in the $40-50k range and are living great comfortable life styles. I also know a couple who are both pharmacist with no children an a household income in excess of $300,000 and are living paycheck to paycheck.

Its all about making smart financial decisions and living with your means. At this point i would demand that he gives you a list of all bank accounts, credit cards, etc... and all passwords and email accounts associated with them. Explain to him that you are doing so not because you are mad or want revenge but until the financial situation changes you are in charge of the finances. This will make him feel very hurt and probably a bit of a failure, this would be a good time to say he can help out by doing something you used to due, this will make him feel needed and will give you more free time. 

Now take all credit cards and hide them, until things are more stable all purchases should be made with cash. Start by making cuts anywhere you can, cable, gym memberships, lawn care services. Then with the savings start paying off all high interest loans like credit cards. I dont know how bad the situation is but you might also need to discuss selling some items such as a third car, motorcycles, boats, RVs, anything not essential to get you to work, if you have a brand new BMW, sell it and buy a uses Honda Civic. Evaluate your home, could you down size? Also take the kids out of private school and put them in public school asap, at that young age it doesnt matter, even if its not the best school around, the last time i check K-6th grade doesnt usually have gang or drug issues and 2+2=4 is the same in all schools, they will be fine, once they get a little older and your get the finances together you can reconsider private schools when things like preparing for college actually matter. I know parents who pay $10k a year for their kid and he is in 1st grade, WTF, the picture flip books are the same whether they go to a free school or a fancy elite school. Only difference is the free schools floors arent as clean and they read books instead of getting a personal ipad.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Hey, don't JUST focus on increasing the in and decreasing the out. You need a real HANDLE on what those values are and where they are going.


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## Laralie (May 2, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> according to salary.com, average for CPA license is around 74K, not 100K.
> 
> Top salaries around 124K.
> 
> ...



In my neck of the woods, 100k+ is nothing for a CPA to make. Just going on my own experience. And yes, it would certainly depend on your location. But so would your cost of living, and that wasn't factored into what I said either.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Laralie said:


> In my neck of the woods, 100k+ is nothing for a CPA to make. Just going on my own experience. And yes, it would certainly depend on your location. But so would your cost of living, and that wasn't factored into what I said either.


It can vary greatly by where you live. I used to live in a rural community and as an engineer made around $40k, but that was alot considering rent for a 2 bedroom house with a small yard was like $500. Then i moved to the city, started making like $60k, 50% pay raise right?!?! wait, rent for a studio apartment is like $800, to rent a similar house would be like $1500-2000 a month and a similar home in a safe neighborhood is like $250,000 for a fixer upper.


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## totallyblank (May 7, 2014)

Yep....all true. I just simply trusted him with the finances, I knew how much he brought home a month, I knew how much our bills were, I thought I was spending accordingly, If I needed to make somewhat of a big purchase I would always ask can we afford this. I did not feel a need to check our bank statements at the time, he led me to believe all is good. I truly thought it was.


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## totallyblank (May 7, 2014)

Thanks for your response. I do agree with you, that he had good intentions and he did not want to disappoint me. I'm going to ask him to type up a spread sheet with a budget in place. And I'm going to ask for his credit cards and put them away. I'm feeling a bit more hopeful today, yesterday I felt like I couldn't breathe.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

The bright side. At least you've got a husband with a marketable, valuable skill. You can dig out of this.

there's lots of people in much worse situation, or without marketable skills and no upward mobility.

Lots of people have been wiped out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

totallyblank said:


> Thanks for your response. I do agree with you, that he had good intentions and he did not want to disappoint me. I'm going to ask him to type up a spread sheet with a budget in place. And I'm going to ask for his credit cards and put them away. I'm feeling a bit more hopeful today, yesterday I felt like I couldn't breathe.


Yes he did apparently have good intentions.

You are part of the issue here because you left him 100% in charge of the finances. I really think you need to lighten up on him. The way you are talking about this shows disrespect... it's like you view him as a child who you now have to discipline.

Make sure he's part of the decisions. Involve him in the decisions such as what happens to his credit cards. If you just take them away from him you are treating him like a child.

On the topic of the 10% raise. He's very unlikely to get it. Few people get 10% raises anymore. Where I work we have been lucky to get 1.5% a year.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I agree 100% w/EleGirl.

I feel you are just as much to blame as your husband here. So any anger,frustration,etc you have for him...aim that at yourself as well.

You're lucky he has a skill that enables him to make a halfway decent living. As far as you getting a job,that's probably a fantastic idea also. 

Maybe some classes on how to communicate with your spouse is in order for both of you as well.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Laralie said:


> In my neck of the woods, 100k+ is nothing for a CPA to make.


Do you mean CPAs in private industry, or those hanging a shingle and running a business? If the latter then I can see where making over $100k would be common. Although, you must remember that running your own business means you need to account for those things besides salary which a job generally provides (like health insurance and retirement).

Most CPAs do not run their own shops. They get their license as a means of having a successful career in private industry. Even though a CPA license is strictly necessary only to certify an audit, from a practical perspective private employers prefer CPAs for the broader experience they tend to have.


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## Tmj4477 (May 3, 2014)

You have both failed at communication. This is not ALL of his fault you need to point the finger at yourself too for not being more involved in the home finances. I suggest you get a full time not part time job and get back on track. Also by the way he was/is more than short tempered because he has been stressed. Your kids don't need to be in private school or gymnastics those are luxuries! Take that money and use it for daycare so you can go to work!


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

First you have two children and if you read any statistics, your finances will get dramatically WORSE in a divorce supporting two households and paying two sets of lawyers (each lawyer gets money and prolongs the divorce telling his or her client he/she's right and that the other spouse and other's lawyer is completely unreasonable. 

First you exemplify that about which you complain. He was worried about your response, disappointment in him as a man, inability to address issues and go on, and that's exactly what's happening now. 

Have one fight, scream at him and call it a day and start making some changes. 

Private school in your circumstances is not unreasonable, but completely ridiculous. Make arrangement to get them out. Take some more control, make arrangements to check the bank statements, and become more familiar with finances. Stop complaining about the fact that he does not make as much money as a CPA as you think he should. (Is he entitled to talk about how much cuter the other wives and women he knows and why should be more up to speed. Your comparisons are nasty and hurtful). 

If you have some specific things he should do in his business or profession, mention them. You wrote, "I'm going to ask him to type up a spread sheet with a budget in place. And I'm going to ask for his credit cards and put them away." That makes sense. And give him some loving. 

With husbands and children, you have to make it clear that you want them to come to you with problems, and preferably at early stages. You want to make it so they are not scared about reaction and try to make you appear and do what appears to be good and not address reality.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

We recently had a financial crisis for much the same reason as you, and I have become very active in our finances.

Go to your local library and check out the DVD or CD version of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. *Don't go buy it*...you want to start *saving* money, not spending more now to save it later.

If you want to later, you can buy it after you are seeing your bank account grow again.

Also check out one of his books and look in the back to see if it has the forms he will be talking about on his DVDs.

His talks are very entertaining, and your entire family can listen with you. Listen to them with your husband for sure.

You don't have to agree with everything he says, but while listening, you will get some ideas of how to think about and manage your finances.

We have already been able to not go over budget and save a little money to begin paying down the debt. Both my husband and I feel empowered when we choose to not spend money unnecessarily, so we can pay down the debt, and eventually have savings!

All is not lost. Take this terrible surprise as an opportunity to start working toward a bright financial future, where you and your husband have control over yourselves and your finances.


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

IMFarAboveRubies said:


> We recently had a financial crisis for much the same reason as you, and I have become very active in our finances.
> 
> Go to your local library and check out the DVD or CD version of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. *Don't go buy it*...you want to start *saving* money, not spending more now to save it later.
> 
> ...



I agree with this. He has sort of an aura about him like a Televangelist. Uses clean humor. Has good concepts like the envelope system. Just use what applies to you, but be cautious with his 'never make a car payment again' and his unrealistic expected rate of returns. Google Dave Ramsey fraud or scam to get the other point of view. 

Overall, for someone in a bad spot, he's a must listen as most of his concepts/advice are worthwhile.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Start with a spread sheet listing everything you need to spend money on:

Mortgage or Rent $XXXX
Electricity $XXX
Water
Gas (hot water heater type gas, not car gas)
etc.
life insurance
health insurance
Gas for the car to get to work...not for vacations.

Food (way down on the list, because you can learn how to control this expense. We started by budgeting $5 per day per person....we cook from scratch and never eat out. When we have paid our debt, we will budget in some eating out money, if we can afford it.)
trash service
internet service
cell phones (can you cut back for a cheaper bill?)
cable t.v. - drop it...it is not a necessity...for some

make a list of things you pay yearly:
car tags
sprinkler blowout
swamp cooler hook up and shut down
newspaper?


Later you can add things to your list:
clothes
haircuts
mad money (you need a few bucks to buy yourself a coffee or something, or you'll go crazy and cheat)
house repairs
car repairs (start saving for this, because it will happen!)
new tires

Once you start making a list of everything you spend money on, you'll start getting a clear picture of what you need. You'll keep adding to your list as a new bill comes in the mail.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Any time I walk by Starbucks and don't buy a Chai Tea, I feel good, instead of bad, because I know our debt is being paid a little.

We are trying to buy food that costs $2 per pound or less. That cuts out a lot of expensive things we used to eat (steak!) When shopping for meat and fruit, it makes it easy to know if it is a good price.

I now wait to buy milk if it is the end of the week, and we are out of milk. We can wait two more days....then we don't go over budget and it feels so good!

Our children are also getting into the groove. They will say, "Mom, that's too expensive. That's not in our budget." whenever I am getting tempted to buy something I shouldn't.

You can come out of this, and you will feel good, and so will your husband, if he hates the feeling of being financially out of control.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think a lot of the anger here stems from the powerlessness and vulnerability you feel as a sahm with very limited income potential. Especially since you have kids to support; you should never have left this burden for him, you should've been involved. And whose idea was it for you to stay at home? Did he enthusiastically support the idea? Because if not he may have some resentment on his end for having to shoulder all of this. Start working together on a budget and stay involved. And please remember that it's really not his job to make more and more money so you don't have to work and can still keep a certain lifestyle; gone are the days when that was solely a man's job.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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