# But He/She is SUCH a good person



## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

I was recently talking to a friend of mine who wanted an honest opinion about a man she started to see. I told her the truth. He was an immature, attention-seeking man who was insecure about his masculinity. For example, he always talked about how he was training for the special forces but he was skinnier than 5'1'' me. Carried a knife on a string that he had underneath his shirt and always pulled it out to show to every new person he met. When he learned that I had some military experience and I said "Air Force" he immediately shot it down as being "too *****" before attempting to flirt with me. 

I let him know that I was engaged. He turns his attention to my friend who is more than willing to sleep with him but before I leave tries to put his arm around my waist while I am faced away from him. I remove his arm and forcefully say "I do not let men who are not my fiance touch me"

The next day I inform my friend that if she wishes to be around this man, I will not be around her due to his actions. She says "But he is a good guy"

In my opinion, I cannot judge if someone is "good" or not. But I can judge if his actions are. And I judged him to be an enemy of the marriage and not a friend. 

Therefore why the justification? It seemed strange to me as informing her about his behavior would only serve to protect and understand his intentions as well. 

I am not trying to change her opinion or my boundary. But it honestly sent me for a spin as I cannot understand that logic.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You did well.

Is your friend desperate? Unintelligent?
Very young and naive?

He is a liar and obvious low life, cheater, two bit con.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> You did well.
> 
> Is your friend desperate? Unintelligent?
> Very young and naive?
> ...


She is not unintelligent, in a Ph.D program and she is in her early 30s. She is sweet to me and I enjoy her company, but in her love life she is certainly desperate. She is over 250 pounds and only slightly taller than I am. She has been losing weight recently and I am happy for her but this weight loss has seemed to spring a sexual awakening in her that she never had. So this phase she should have been through in her early 20s has just started now. The men she attract are the most low quality pick up artist types who throw a wide net to any woman, maried or not (such as the one I explained above). She sleeps with these type of men and then asks me if I think they are serious and it is hard to not just smack her on the side of the head and ask if she is serious. 

This was the first time I have been around her with these type of men, before it was all through her stories. 

What is the purpose of protecting such men? Is it to save her own dignity and not think she would be with such men? Is it to not ruin her fun?

It's interesting, because I have heard this argument so many times for so many different situations. Each time it has felt like a tool to silence and shame. However, with time and remove from the situation, my gut instinct on what that action meant has always proven true. That does not mean I want to condemn such person to hell and say that their whole life is a bust. 

I am interested in knowing how other TAMers have dealt with such a statement or how such a statement has been used in their lives.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> He is a liar and obvious low life, cheater, two bit con.


CH, why don't you tell us what you _really_ think?!

:lol:

I happen to agree, btw.


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

happy as a clam said:


> CH, why don't you tell us what you _really_ think?!
> 
> :lol:
> 
> I happen to agree, btw.


I appreciate ConanHub's honesty and it is refreshing after hearing about how great of a guy he is. 

My fiance had much more...select words for him.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> You did well.
> 
> 
> He is a liar and obvious low life, cheater, two bit con.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ok, but BESIDES that, he's SUCH a good person. /s

your friend needs to value herself more...these scummy guys prey on women with low self-esteem (mainly because no one else will put up with them).

look at my knife? is he 14? creepy


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

ReidWright said:


> ok, but BESIDES that, he's SUCH a good person. /s
> 
> your friend needs to value herself more...these scummy guys prey on women with low self-esteem (mainly because no one else will put up with them).
> 
> look at my knife? is he 14? creepy


I think you got to the heart of the issue-her valuing herself. She may then be over-valuing these men because she doesn't have a framework of asking for respect and holding others to that framework to determine if they should be in her life or not. She might even be valuing herself through these men's attention therefore it felt more personal to her as if it was her character I was attacking.

I bet "But he is such a good guy/girl" is uttered to many BS. Its such a headspin to hear it despite the reality.

The look at my knife schtick is very creepy. But it comes from a very obvious insecurity with his masculinity. Every sentence that comes out of his mouth is a desperate plea for others to acknowledge how manly he is despite obvious traits otherwise.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

When talk with her, tell her to control herself and keep working on her health and other personal issues.

She does not see the type of men she is sleeping with or what she is actually becoming, a cheap lay for losers, because the sex and attention feel good and her emotions are overwhelming all common sense and objectivity.

She can be worth more than the attention of creeps and if she doesn't change her view, will be passed over by better men.

She is also wracking up a bad sexual resume, history, that will turn a few good candidates away even if she does change her outlook as well as get into shape.

She is harming her opportunities with good men with her current behavior.

Some therapy might benefit her in this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It's painfully obvious that your friend doesn't exactly receive an abundance of opposite-sex attention!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I think there are a couple things at play here.

As already mentioned, your friend likely has some serious self-esteem issues stemming from her weight, complicated by the fact that she's never felt attractive to the opposite sex. If she's always been heavy, it's likely she was bullied as a kid and experienced other types of social ostracization/isolation.

Do you know if she experienced any type of childhood trauma? Toxic stress from childhood trauma can lead to obesity, and if she's never really dealt with that, it could be factoring into her self-esteem, and/or how she relates to these men.

She may think she doesn't deserve any better, and so she rationalizes staying with these men by finding their silver lining. She has been ignored by the opposite sex for so long that she may have the mentality that "this guy may be my ONLY chance at love" and so she is very reluctant to let him go.

She may be subconsciously recreating the male-female relationships that her parents and/or other influential adults modeled for her when she was a child. Those relationship models imprint early.

Is she an empathetic person? No one person is all good or all bad, and if she has a lot of empathy, she can likely see that one good thing about this guy, and that's what she's focusing on. Or perhaps she has bought into the cultural fallacy that a bad boy can be redeemed by a good woman, that he's never really been loved enough, and that's why he is the way he is, and that she will be the one to save him. 

You know her better than we do. I know it sounds like a broken record refrain here on TAM, but I think she needs some IC. Her weight loss is bringing a lots of repressed issues to the surface, and she needs to deal with those in a healthy way.


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## Ol'Pal (Aug 24, 2015)

Its just her way of justifying her actions. If she tells herself he is a good person, then she can justify being a hoe.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Its very possible to be intelligent for academic things, but socially inexperienced. She s learning all the things most people learn much earlier in life. (No fault to her - lots of people including myself were very slow to learn some important social lessons). 

She will have to learn that she doesn't have to "settle" , that there are really nice people out there. 




VirgenTecate said:


> She is not unintelligent, in a Ph.D program and she is in her early 30s. She is sweet to me and I enjoy her company, but in her love life she is certainly desperate. She is over 250 pounds and only slightly taller than I am. She has been losing weight recently and I am happy for her but this weight loss has seemed to spring a sexual awakening in her that she never had. So this phase she should have been through in her early 20s has just started now. The men she attract are the most low quality pick up artist types who throw a wide net to any woman, maried or not (such as the one I explained above). She sleeps with these type of men and then asks me if I think they are serious and it is hard to not just smack her on the side of the head and ask if she is serious.
> 
> This was the first time I have been around her with these type of men, before it was all through her stories.
> 
> ...


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

VirgenTecate said:


> She is not unintelligent, in a Ph.D program and she is in her early 30s.


Street smart and book smart are two different things. 

Hmmm.... do not understand how we leaped to calling someone a hoe so, I'll say you made the right call and leave the thread.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

VT,

You wrote, *What is the purpose of protecting such men? Is it to save her own dignity and not think she would be with such men? Is it to not ruin her fun?*

At least part of it is to protect the illusion they have created of the perfect person, a con man is able to give what appears to be unconditional love and acceptance which can be a very powerful drug for those starving for it. 

I think at other times women believe that their love, because it is true, can reform a man who to any casual observer is clearly a train wreck.

Tamat


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

My uncle has a PhD and he's one of the dumbest people I know. 

It can happen. 

What you're describing can happen when one is insecure and starts to get more attention then they're used to. I saw it a lot in the army, there were a lot of men per woman and some of the women began to get around a lot because they were overwhelmed by the attention. 

It's your friends life and her mistake to make, but if asked what you think do not lie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

This is the most common line from people in abusive or dysfunctional relationships. It's like a script. Or another kind of Fog. They think see something that no one else can see, when in fact they are not seeing what every one else is seeing.


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> I think there are a couple things at play here.
> 
> As already mentioned, your friend likely has some serious self-esteem issues stemming from her weight, complicated by the fact that she's never felt attractive to the opposite sex. If she's always been heavy, it's likely she was bullied as a kid and experienced other types of social ostracization/isolation.
> 
> ...


Extremely insightful post.

Her weight actually comes from a hormonal issue. While that has been used as an excuse in many cases, in her case it is the cause. She started loosing weight due to hormonal therapy. 

She is an extremely empathetic person. Nurse. Motherly figure to most people. Always has others over and cooks. I know and knew she wasn't stupid so it was a cognitive dissonance for her to tell me these things, but I think you are right. She is focusing on the one good thing. For me, I can acknowledge someone is not all good and bad so I choose to focus on actions so I don't waste time debating a person's character. She will "go down with the ship" on defending someone's character due to her being empathetic.

I know very little of her family history. It seems she is not so close with her parents.

I agree with you about IC. I don't think a person exploring their sexuality is necessarily unhealthy, but when it is at the expense of one's own self respect it becomes a problem.


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Street smart and book smart are two different things.
> 
> Hmmm.... do not understand how we leaped to calling someone a hoe so, I'll say you made the right call and leave the thread.


I do agree that calling her a hoe is far out of line. I was shocked by what she said but I truly do care for her and want the best for her. Calling her a hoe does not help anyone.


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> My uncle has a PhD and he's one of the dumbest people I know.
> 
> It can happen.
> 
> ...


That is interesting. Did these women in the military want to get around or were they unable to create boundaries? Was it something that just seemed normal because of the closed off social life of the military that once they backed out seemed odd?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> My uncle has a PhD and he's one of the dumbest people I know.
> 
> It can happen.
> 
> ...


"began to get around a lot". Hehehe!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

VirgenTecate said:


> I do agree that calling her a hoe is far out of line. I was shocked by what she said but I truly do care for her and want the best for her. Calling her a hoe does not help anyone.


On the flip side, NOT calling her a hoe if she is acting like one also won't help her. 

Sometimes, people need a wake up and to be called on their sh*t.

I have a friend similar to yours because she is overweight and not very pretty. When those "Let me show you my knife. I'm training for Special Forces" creepers show up, I immediately call them on it.

Creeper "Let me show you my knife!"

Me "I don't want to see your knife. It looks like a cheap POS and you're clearly compensating for something..."

Creeper "I'm training for Special Forces."

Me "Good for you. But I think you meant Special Olympics. Nobody around here believes your tired lies. You might have more luck at another table."

Creeper "Hey, let me talk to your girl there since you don't like me."

Me "Now why would I do that? My job is to run off POS. Get along, now. She's got some self respect."

It's really easy. Even the persistent ones leave after you straight up call them out. And the really persistent ones that don't leave get to be escorted away by the staff.

By pointing out the do*uchebaggery bluntly, she can't pretend "He's a good guy." because you've made it glaringly obvious he isn't.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

VirgenTecate said:


> What is the purpose of protecting such men? Is it to save her own dignity and not think she would be with such men? Is it to not ruin her fun?


To admit they are failures is to admit her own failure.

To court anything more impressive is to go outside her comfort circle, so she waits for what comes to her. And men seeking such quiet victims are after easy fruit, some for their own reasons, many because they are seriously damaged themselves.

such is the price of following a "no judgement of me" creed ... no judgement means dealing with a lot of crap which should be filtered out from better standards.

Shooting them down, is like kicking a puppy; as it will be your friend that internalises the criticism (does she do much of that?) and will feel you are being judgemental/looking down on her.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

VirgenTecate said:


> That is interesting. Did these women in the military want to get around or were they unable to create boundaries? Was it something that just seemed normal because of the closed off social life of the military that once they backed out seemed odd?


Hard to say. I think many of them found it hard to create boundaries and equated lots of guys wanting to bang them with them being special. I saw it a lot and I myself got hit on a lot, but I was a few years older (just out of college) and knew well what it was. And I've always been a little more selective then a dirtbag who's trying to hit anything and everything he can.

And the military takes you away from your family and support system so you're alone, and I think that makes you vulnerable to attention. There was one girl in my unit who put out for everyone and the guys used to call her "the Korean wh0re".

But the same standards did not apply to guys.....guys could bang everything they could find and nobody batted an eye.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> "began to get around a lot". Hehehe!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I know it's not how you would put it, but you get the opint :grin2:

Besides, it's not my intention to name call.....only to call out the behavior I witnessed. I do not think it was merely a case of women freely enjoying sex.....I believe many acted in ways they likely regretted later because of the flood of attention.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Well I know it's not how you would put it, but you get the opint :grin2:
> 
> Besides, it's not my intention to name call.....only to call out the behavior I witnessed. I do not think it was merely a case of women freely enjoying sex.....I believe many acted in ways they likely regretted later because of the flood of attention.


I thought it was cute.

I know exactly what happens in the military and the different dynamic pressure women experience there.

BTW. I think all those guys are worse than trash and I would love to give them some one on one "attitude" adjustments.

I've seen many female relatives and friends be "processed" in the military machine.

Some do ok and many don't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I don't think she is working like a hoe - she is not trading sex for money or other material benefits. Instead it seems that she has very low standards - that her self esteem is so low that she is spending time with these losers.






MJJEAN said:


> On the flip side, NOT calling her a hoe if she is acting like one also won't help her.
> snip


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I remembered what I wanted to add to my post.
Some advice from Yenta the matchmaker in Fiddler on the Roof
"You hear he has a temper,
It's true he'll beat you every night.
but, only when he's sober,
so you're alright."


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> I don't think she is working like a hoe - she is not trading sex for money or other material benefits. Instead it seems that she has very low standards - that her self esteem is so low that she is spending time with these losers.


This is still how I see it

However, @MJJEAN has a very good point. Not calling them out on their behavior can also be being a bad friend.

I have found that many people do not want to listen though. Including my friend. She becomes defensive and angry everytime I have said my honest opinion and it is as if she wants to wear me down to say that she is right.

Sometimes people have to learn their own lessons. 

I will be here for her when she changes.
@lifeistooshort,

I find that being able to set boundaries because you believe yourself to be good enough is a life skill. I have had sex outside of a relationship once. It was because I wanted to and I needed to heal after being assaulted. It was not due to having low boundaries or self-esteem. Many younger people are still finding themselves and have not learned this boundary setting especially because "everyone else is doing it" so it just seems normal to let your body be used instead of having it be a conscious choice. 

The military has such a long way to go in truly instilling respect in their soldiers.

When I was younger and in college it was difficult to be around and I quickly left the party scene after a few months, but now that I am older I actually find it sickening to be around. Men and women allowing themselves to be used for validation is a major theme. Not everyone and I certainly think exploration is beneficial, but I cannot lie and say that the scene does not promote unhealthy boundaries.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> I don't think she is working like a hoe - she is not trading sex for money or other material benefits. Instead it seems that she has very low standards - that her self esteem is so low that she is spending time with these losers.


A woman who is regularly putting out for losers she picks up at bars is generally referred to as a hoe, wh0re, or slvt. here in the midwest. The term pretty much means a woman who has low standards and indiscriminately bestows their sexual favors on losers.

A hooker, prostitute, stripper, etc. is a woman that takes cash, goods, or services in exchange for sex. These women may be more respected than hoes because they are simply engaging in a business transaction.

A woman who regularly bestows her sexual favors on men that meet minimum standards is usually referred to as a sexually active adult female.

And the thing is, reputation matters. Even at the bar. No woman wants to be "that girl" who every guy in the bar has heard puts out for the dregs. That kind of thing makes meeting a decent guy there dang near impossible because they avoid that chick like the plague. Sometimes, for fear of getting a plague she got off the dirty d*ck of the losers she was screwing.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

VirgenTecate said:


> This is still how I see it
> 
> However, @MJJEAN has a very good point. Not calling them out on their behavior can also be being a bad friend.
> 
> ...


She might never change. Some women are just so desperate for love they become self destructive and after a time their lives become so much BS and drama that you just have to let them go.

For her sake, I hope she comes out of it.

Have you tried the "You're so much better than that! You deserve more! Why are you selling yourself short?" angle? Sometimes that boosts their esteem while pointing out how damaging current behavior is.

This thread is actually kind of hard for me. I had a friend just like yours. We were close for years and I loved her (and her 4 kids from 3 daddies) very much. She was always so sure this one was "the One". He never was. I told her time and again," If you want better results you'll have to select better men!", but it just never sunk in.

Her name was Cassandra. February 8, 2010, she was killed in a hotel room by one of her "But he's really a good guy" losers. She was 35 years old when she died. Her kids were raised by her parents for the last years of their growing up and her first grandchild, a boy, was born a few months ago.


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> She might never change. Some women are just so desperate for love they become self destructive and after a time their lives become so much BS and drama that you just have to let them go.
> 
> For her sake, I hope she comes out of it.
> 
> ...


I can write I am sorry, but it doesn't convey the horror and sadness of reading your story. 

It has always been from the "You deserve better" angle up until knife boy because of how sick he seemed to me. That was the first time it was "WTF are you doing with this guy?" That was when she became extremely defensive of him. 

I just hate seeing someone throw themselves away. But I can't make them treat themselves better.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

VirgenTecate said:


> I can write I am sorry, but it doesn't convey the horror and sadness of reading your story.
> 
> It has always been from the "You deserve better" angle up until knife boy because of how sick he seemed to me. That was the first time it was "WTF are you doing with this guy?" That was when she became extremely defensive of him.
> 
> I just hate seeing someone throw themselves away. But I can't make them treat themselves better.


Thanks.

With Cassie, the defensiveness was because she knew I was right, but didn't want to believe I was right. It's hard to break through that.

It got to the point when the new wore off and she started seeing the bad, she would complain to me and I'd just repeat "If you don't like the way losers treat you and you don't like the loser lifestyle, stop dating losers." 

Every time she asked my honest opinion, I gave it. When she'd try to argue the point, I'd say "Well, we'll see."

I went from "Honey, what are you doing?" to tolerant amusement to "WTF is wrong with you?" to using logic and debating back and forth for days to "We'll see." because there was just no getting through to her.

To pull themselves out of the Loser Fog, they have to A) believe it's possible to find a non-loser of their very own and B) want to do it, even if it's sometimes lonely and disappointing.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
just a thought - is she "putting out" and giving "sexual favors" to losers.... OR.... Is she taking advantage of these men for sex? Imagine if the genders were reversed and a man with a PhD was out picking up poor women and having sex with them......





MJJEAN said:


> A woman who is regularly putting out for losers she picks up at bars is generally referred to as a hoe, wh0re, or slvt. here in the midwest. The term pretty much means a woman who has low standards and indiscriminately bestows their sexual favors on losers.
> 
> A hooker, prostitute, stripper, etc. is a woman that takes cash, goods, or services in exchange for sex. These women may be more respected than hoes because they are simply engaging in a business transaction.
> 
> ...


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> just a thought - is she "putting out" and giving "sexual favors" to losers.... OR.... Is she taking advantage of these men for sex? Imagine if the genders were reversed and a man with a PhD was out picking up poor women and having sex with them......


If she was taking advantage of these men for sex, she wouldn't defend them to OP. She'd just get her groove on and toss them out the door instead.

Nope, this woman wants to believe the con because she wants to have a relationship and doesn't want to have to face the reality that the men she keeps finding aren't relationship material.


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Thanks.
> 
> With Cassie, the defensiveness was because she knew I was right, but didn't want to believe I was right. It's hard to break through that.
> 
> ...


I think I will feel "more in control" and myself if I stick to the "We'll see" tactic. Because that allows me to express how I feel without forcing her to feel like me.

Both a and b of the loser fog are very difficult for her to accept.
@richardsharpe,

That brings up an excellent point. I do think there is a societal double standard. From my individual viewpoint, I believe men are taken advantage of by women sexually as well. Long ago, I had a male friend who was in love with a woman who would come back and have sex with him, say she loves him, and then she would run off and sleep with another man. I got sick of him waiting around for her to commit and marry when obviously that was just not who she was. 

This female friend I am talking about will latch onto any man who calls her beautiful. She has said so many times, "I just want a man to call me beautiful". She will have sex with a man when she really just wants a date, that's on her not them. The men who have sex with her pick up on her desperation and many of these men have played the "Of course I love you" game with her to continually have sex. The reason why I think these men are such losers are because the desperation in her is palpable. A normal healthy man is not going to want to be around that desperation but a dysfunctional or con artist will. 

My male friend suffered from that desperation as well despite his good job, good physique, and good education. Dysfunctional women picked up on that as well as con artists.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> just a thought - is she "putting out" and giving "sexual favors" to losers.... OR.... Is she taking advantage of these men for sex? Imagine if the genders were reversed and a man with a PhD was out picking up poor women and having sex with them......


Sure. Overweight but accomplished man keeps getting taken for a ride by pathetic, b1tchy skankosaurs that lie, cheat and use him for money, favors, etc... While systematically screwing up his life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

I believe in blunt honesty.

If she tells you "he's such a great guy!" you don't have to contradict her to make her defensive. Just say "I don't think he's good enough for you. He was totally lying about that special forces stuff. He also groped me, while flirting with you and knowing I'm engaged."

She's just not experienced enough to distinguish a good guy from a guy pretending to be good. Hopefully it will come, especially if you're being a good wingman.


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I believe in blunt honesty.
> 
> If she tells you "he's such a great guy!" you don't have to contradict her to make her defensive. Just say "I don't think he's good enough for you. He was totally lying about that special forces stuff. He also groped me, while flirting with you and knowing I'm engaged."
> 
> She's just not experienced enough to distinguish a good guy from a guy pretending to be good. Hopefully it will come, especially if you're being a good wingman.


I have decided I will be more active.

The difficult part is knowing how emotionally involved to get as her behavior is very deep set and entrenched. The blunt honesty angle got me far too involved and feeling upset as she tried to wear me down to her side.

As said before, I will give my opinion but with a slightly more "we'll see" attitude to avoid burnout.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

arbitrator said:


> *It's painfully obvious that your friend doesn't exactly receive an abundance of opposite-sex attention!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is it!! at 250 lbs 5'1 ...not going to get many hits !... I understand she is loosing weight NOW...That's wonderful !!.. and this is bringing on a sexual awakening... all you can do is reason with her.. encourage her to hold out for someone who isn't copping feels for other women in the same room!!! So disrespectful !

Do you lay it out like this... I can't imagine someone still THINKING someone is "good" when such behavior is happening.. 

What it is.. is she REALLY WANTS a chance.. and NOW.. and if she admits he is a bad guy.. she will look foolish to pursue, or continue talking about him... she has no defense.. so she make excuses for him... so she can continue the fantasy...

Lots of people do this.. but yeah.. it's not reality.. and it will come back to bite...unfortunately -when we're not honest with ourselves..


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> This is it!! at 250 lbs 5'1 ...not going to get many hits !... I understand she is loosing weight NOW...That's wonderful !!.. and this is bringing on a sexual awakening... all you can do is reason with her.. encourage her to hold out for someone who isn't copping feels for other women in the same room!!! So disrespectful !
> 
> Do you lay it out like this... I can't imagine someone still THINKING someone is "good" when such behavior is happening..
> 
> ...


*Sheer pearls of wisdom, M'dear!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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