# Hurting so much.......



## Confusedlot (Feb 3, 2011)

My H and I have separated due to the fact that I am hurting so much as a result of his words and actions. We have been married for 13 years. He had 2 emotional affairs; 3 years into our marriage and another one 6 years thereafter. I forgave him for that and we moved on. But during the past year I have been suspecting that something was not right. His behaviour changed and he always kept the phone on silent mode and with him all the time. He became cold and distant towards me. A week ago we had a serious conversation about our relationship, which unfortunately did not end well. During the conversation, he kept on blaming me for all his unhappiness and failures in his life and twisted words so that he could shift the blame on me, as usual. I ended up very hurt and angry because of all he said.

Then during same week of the conversation, I discovered that his was having another affair, which at this point I believe to be emotional too. I also discovered that he had been supporting this woman financially, even went to extent of paying part of her tuition fees. THis hurt me in so many ways than you can imagine because all this time he has been neglecting me and our two kids, making all excuses about his financial situation yet at the same time he has the guts to support another woman financially. I confronted the other woman and she told me that she was not aware that my H was married and had two kids, so she reluctantly confirmed that something was going on between them.I decided not to confront my H about this and up to this day I have not said a word about it.I really don't care anymore, I have had enough. I then made the decision that we separate (marital separation not legal)coz I was hurting so much and did not want to be any where near him.He betrayed my trust in a big way and I don't think I will ever get to trust him again. 


All I want right now is to work on myself, get to heal and move on with life with my kids.At this point, I do not imagine us ever getting back together, I do not even have it in me to work on this marriage anymore. The fact that he refuses counseling makes it even worse. My main concern now is the fact that he keeps coming to check on us every day and he now seems remorseful and he tries to provide for all our daily needs now, which i feel is a little too late. I wish he did not come everyday but for the sake of our children, I let him come because I know they need thier father in thier lives too. 


The question I have been battling with right now, is how long should I wait before I am sure that I have made the right decision to finally divorce my H? Is it still too early to be even thinking about it seeing that I am still hurting so much?? I don't feel anything for my H right now since we drifted apart a while ago. I just care about him as the father of my children. Please advice.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Ok, my MC story is in my profile.

This isn't a great fit to your situation, but I thought I would link it.
YouTube - Prevent My Divorce: The Walkaway Wife Syndrome

If your husband is actually remorseful and willing do MC, I encourage you to do it. As a husband who was forgiven (my MC story is in my profile), I really want to advocate that. If he isn't willing to change, there really is no hope.

People do change. I changed. The question is if your husband is willing to. I think you can forgive him eventually, but not in the near future.

You probably need some time to yourself before thinking about addressing this, but start now if you are both willing to.



> how long should I wait before I am sure that I have made the right decision to finally divorce my H? Is it still too early to be even thinking about it seeing that I am still hurting so much??


 Unless there is serious change in 6 months, I would plan for about then. 

You husband doesn't deserve another chance, but this may be your best chance at the relationship you hoped for when you got married. Even if its 10-13 years later than it should have happened. I lost about 4 years of marriage that should have been a lot happier.

I think most other posters will suggest leaving him b/c he is scum, but you've probably heard that a few times by now.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

:iagree: there really needs to MC to get to the root of the issues between the two of you.


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