# Letting Go, How? Advice Please



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

How do you let go?
I have been through what I considered the excruciating pain period, the anger etc... but I am having a hard time letting go.

My mind keeps thinking of stbxh, what we did, what we didn't do, what he said, how he acts....yikes

I swim laps in pool, read self-help books, attend 12 step program, go to IC, talk to friends, but it doesn't seem as if I am letting go.

We are stuck in the same house until it sells. Divorce finalizes on July 19th and I am not getting closure. I keep hoping he will say Wait, Stop, Let's not do this.

Any advice? I would really appreciate it. I am a basket case last couple of days.

Thanks, all.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I took archery lessons and it seemed to open up some free space in my mind that took root and grew. I understand now why there is a dart board in pubs.  Also meditation, yoga and writing. These start from within, requiring a stillness as a source, whereas these other things you are doing will achieve the same goal, only they start from without, requiring activity and things external from you, to try to liberate your inner stillness. What is that saying? Begin where you are? This is the same concept. No matter how small your innner peace is, it is capable of growing, and will push away the other clutter when you encourage it to grow by connecting with it. I think this is why meditation works. Especially if you go to a group with like-minded people. The inner peace wants to connect with others' inner peace, so it grows. Then when you meditate even not with other people, it is still connected. Calm begets calm. If you meditate in your house, it will be more full of calm and other people's calm and less full of all of this other stuff. Call your friends and have them come over and walk through your house and say encouraging things in each room... Music too. Even if you don't feel like it, you can introduce music into the house, or open the windows so you can hear the birds. The idea is displacement, rather than avoidance.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Thank you homemaker I have a yoga dvd that my sister gave me and I will start that this evening. You wrote alot of worthwhile remedies and I will try them because I want to let go and that is the first step, isn't it?


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

sparkles...I could have written your post.I have a hard time as well,as much as I don't want to be with the lying cheating bastard I can't let go of him...I think I have a hard time letting go because of our kids but can't let go of my dreams and hopes for the future as well.

I was looking at this book online ,the lady that wrote it is a brain scientist and she says that it's all about the brain and how you trick your brain,she has these special exercises in the book that help you trick your brain and make recovery faster.I have been contemplating of buying the book and trying but don't know....is it really possible to trick yourself or it's the time that heals you


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

vivea said:


> I was looking at this book online ,the lady that wrote it is a brain scientist and she says that it's all about the brain and how you trick your brain,she has these special exercises in the book that help you trick your brain and make recovery faster.I have been contemplating of buying the book and trying but don't know....is it really possible to trick yourself or it's the time that heals you


Viv, I would love to know the name of that book. 
It sounds rather intriguing.
I would give it a go myself seeing as I have nothing to lose.
Well, as long as these "exercises" aren't mind altering.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Sparkles I think you'll start to heal and feel better after the in house separation is over. I personally couldn't start the healing process if I had to see stbx in my house everyday.

If I were in your position I would be as active as I could so I wouldn't have to cross paths with him and see him as little as possible. It's really my only advice, I'm sorry


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

caughtdreaming...ugh it seems i deleted the link,will go to my history in the next 2days to look for it and will pm it to you.

Well me and stbx are separated ,we live 5 hrs away from each other.I haven't seen him since the 10th of last month ,the newest is also that we haven't talked on the phone since than as well and exchanged last text 6 days ago.Also unfriended him from FB yesterday.
I don't know if I'm going through withdrawal symptoms now but it's hard as hell.I'm fighting with the desire to know if he's working,what is he doing,is he happy.....hate that.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

stair: Yes it's no picnic seeing that face and trying to be civil and reading all sorts of messages in the slightest consideration on his part.

I feel better today, my realtor said the people that viewed house 2x are away for 10 days and will contact when they get back. They took 30 photos as per realtor. It's between my house and another. Someone else came by on Thursday, and really liked it. 
PLEASE say a prayer or a good luck charm whatever you believe in so I can get out.

stbxh comes back in 7 days and then DDay in 17 from today.

I will take your advice and stay active as much as possible and perhaps I will have a job interview that I emailed my resume to today. That would help immensely!


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

staircase said:


> Sparkles I think you'll start to heal and feel better after the in house separation is over. I personally couldn't start the healing process if I had to see stbx in my house everyday.
> 
> If I were in your position I would be as active as I could so I wouldn't have to cross paths with him and see him as little as possible. It's really my only advice, I'm sorry


I seem to think the same thing too. Once you are out of that house then the real healing process can begin. And you seem to be pretty active already, you definitely have me beat!



vivea said:


> I don't know if I'm going through withdrawal symptoms now but it's hard as hell.I'm fighting with the desire to know if he's working,what is he doing,is he happy.....hate that.


Me too. Its not fun. head is spinning. 



Sparkles422 said:


> perhaps I will have a job interview that I emailed my resume to today. That would help immensely!


That would be good!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

nickiblue said:


> i made a list of things that make me feel happy. silly things like taking time to enjoy a long bath, sitting in the sun, buying nail polish etc- doesnt have to cost a fortune but i have resolved to do a few a week to spend time on myself


Smart girl! I found this awesome shade of blue polish that's a thing this summer I guess. It looks great!


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