# (Long)My wife cheated just before our 6th anniversary..



## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She is still lying. Get tested for stds.(her too) Let her know that the marriage is on probation. 

What you did is called rugsweeping.

Next time she says this

"I thought we were past this"

tell her that you are not past this. Trust is lost and will take a long time to recover


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

marathoner0311 said:


> Ok I am doing this to try and help get it off my mind. Here is the whole story.
> 
> My wife and I married when I enlisted in the Marines for active duty. I was 18 she was 21. We have a 4 year old son. We also haven't had previous issues with cheating except when she thought I was(but wasn't). I go to school, work at the post office, and serving in the Marine reserves now. She is in and out of jobs but was working as a CNA on the night shift when this all started.
> 
> ...


OKay wife had a pa long term EA. BS on the just one time. 
Wife is not showing/ acting remorseful. You my friend should meet the 180. You shouldn't be glazing this over. It is okay to feel hurt but you need to get to the mad as hell phase and how. 
You need to get some MC and IC and you definitely need to nail down NC and I think I would be prudent to spell out a post nup. 
GEt mad she screwed you over and you are just taking her back. Hell no If you are going to R you better do it on your terms otherwise expect a DD2.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She's still lying. Call Jeff's GF and compare notes.

And the line about him not being able to finish etc. yeh right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

I am trying to find his GF but all I know is her first name and she works at walmart.

Bad, I am pissed, like punching someone pissed. But I can't(shouldn't?) turn that towards her. That would definitely end badly


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Make her give up the details on exactly who he and the girlfriend are. If she doesn't care about him anymore then she'll throw him under the bus. If she refuses to throw him under the bus then you have to ask yourself why?


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

she did give me all the details about him, I know where he works and lives, I know what he drives and looks like. But she doesnt know the GF.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

She is lying (not a reply to above, just a general comment) and when she tells you the next thing, she will be lying too.

If she knows you have read texts etc. but not for how long, you could bluff some things out of her - it's how I found out quite a lot about what my WW was up to as my suspicions (once I had had my eyes opened by the regulars here) were usually spot on.

Be firm but not aggressive and don't let her divert you.

Good luck marathoner, you are going to need it.


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

thanks


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If the gf called or texted her why can't you get the gf number that way?

Frankly in this case you really should demand full access to her phone and email and a polygraph. She got fired so she could hang with Jeff and cheat. This has been a long term affair by all evidence. Given the history is not likely just over either, maybe lying low for awhile, but not over. Your wife doesnt seem to have any remorse..none.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Get a post-nup done quickly. Sounds like she'll do it at the first chance.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

JB100 said:


> Since you seem to be a fit and healthy young man, I honestly think you should have a revenge affair when you are away training next time.
> 
> I am dead serious about this. It will show her what she has to lose because right now she is not remorseful.
> 
> Plus, it will make your self-esteem increase.


This is a bAAAD idea unless D date is approaching and you know you are 100% done. and even then it is a not so good idea. Why subject yourself to some shred of guilt when you can walk away Scott free and can go into a new relationship as the Loyal spouse who stayed loyal right up the the very end. Women will eat that up.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

It never ceases to amaze me how casual some guys are about their wifes hanging out all night with other dudes.

marathoner0311, my good fellow, this right here:



> She went into a panic attack and told me "everything" she said he initiated and he couldn't finish and that she told him to stop after 5 minutes because she "couldn't do this to mason."


Are you buying this movie script? She is into younger guys, for some reason. How much better do you think this issue will get when she is in her 30s?

You had her pegged and she knew it. So she minimized it as far as she was able. She was probably doing this guy every day. For her boss to tell you that (brave guy that one, you should thank him) everybody and their dog already knew about it.

I hope you can keep it together. Are there kids in the picture? If not i wouldn't think twice if i were you.


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> If the gf called or texted her why can't you get the gf number that way?
> 
> Frankly in this case you really should demand full access to her phone and email and a polygraph. She got fired so she could hang with Jeff and cheat. This has been a long term affair by all evidence. Given the history is not likely just over either, maybe lying low for awhile, but not over. Your wife doesnt seem to have any remorse..none.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She texted from Jeffs phone. I'm alittle tech savy so I have installed spyware on her phone. But she now has given me full access to her phone facebook, ect


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

JB100 said:


> Since you seem to be a fit and healthy young man, I honestly think you should have a revenge affair when you are away training next time.
> 
> I am dead serious about this. It will show her what she has to lose because right now she is not remorseful.
> 
> Plus, it will make your self-esteem increase.


Please don't do this. Going to bed with someone else is relatively easy. Holding your head up high and not descending to their level isn't.

If nothing else, she will always know she cheated on someone who didn't ever descend to her level and that will always be a regret or thorn in her side.

Certainly, others will respect you more for playing it with a straight bat and I think you lose some of yourself if you do what the cheaters do.


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

costa200 said:


> It never ceases to amaze me how casual some guys are about their wifes hanging out all night with other dudes.
> 
> marathoner0311, my good fellow, this right here:
> 
> ...


The thing is I told her about the age difference and her response is "Ew I would never think of doing anything with someone so young."

Unfortunately we have an extremely happy and active 4 year old that can suffer from her mistake.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

JB100 said:


> Since you seem to be a fit and healthy young man, I honestly think you should have a revenge affair when you are away training next time.
> 
> I am dead serious about this. It will show her what she has to lose because right now she is not remorseful.
> 
> Plus, it will make your self-esteem increase.


JB seems to be a nice enough guy, but please please please make sure you read his other posts to get a sense of how he lives his life before you consider following any of his advise.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Call Jeff. If you think about it, Jeff is just a 19 year old kid. You wife led this affair.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> The thing is I told her about the age difference and her response is "Ew I would never think of doing anything with someone so young."


Are you familiar with the term gaslighting? that's what she is doing there.



> Unfortunately we have an extremely happy and active 4 year old that can suffer from her mistake.


And you're sure he is yours right? Sorry to have to ask, but i've seen some really sick stuff around!


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

I texted jeff to leave my family and I alone and that I was pursuing adultery charges through military justice(I cant because he is a national guardsman and same laws dont apply.) He texted me back saying that they better stick or he would sue for harrassment. So I dont know if that is possible or not, so I just left him alone after that/


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Are you familiar with the term gaslighting? that's what she is doing there.
> 
> 
> 
> And you're sure he is yours right? Sorry to have to ask, but i've seen some really sick stuff around!


Yea 100%, it's like I illegally cloned myself. He is the spitting image of me in every way.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

marathoner0311 said:


> She...said he initiated and he couldn't finish and that she told him to stop after 5 minutes because she "couldn't do this to mason."


The above is not a lie. That's what happened the fifth time they did it that night. Just like all the other times they got together.

This guy is 19 years old; he gets hard when a woman walks within 25 feet. This has been going on since they met. It's the best sex your wife has ever had. Seriously.



marathoner0311 said:


> I love her and my son and I want to stay with her. We are trying to work it out.


In that case, you are truly screwed. Women are only attracted to men with options. Bottom line is that your wife is not sexually attracted to you and thinks that means other women are not sexually attracted to you either. Meaning that as far as your wife is concerned, you're stuck with her because you can't pull another women. You have been beta-ized. This will happen again, just as soon as you hurry up and get back to normal and quit surveilling her ops. This is probably not the first time, either. She's like those navy wives that hit the clubs as soon as the fleet sails over the horizon. Next duty weekend, put a PI on her.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

marathoner0311 said:


> I texted jeff to leave my family and I alone and that I was pursuing adultery charges through military justice(I cant because he is a national guardsman and same laws dont apply.) He texted me back saying that they better stick or he would sue for harrassment. So I dont know if that is possible or not, so I just left him alone after that/


ROFL... He doesn't have a clue on what harassment is. But forget about that ****. He is just a brat that got some. Your wife can go circles around him. She made this happen. He was just there. Could have been anyone.


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

Mach I think you are right. we have sex quite a bit about 3 or so times a week. But I am always the initiator. It really sucks if you're right though. I plan on keeping my electronic eyes on her for a very long time if we stay together.

Unfortunately, I am a sucker that believes lies(from most people in general) just because thats how i am


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> The above is not a lie. That's what happened the fifth time they did it that night. Just like all the other times they got together.
> 
> This guy is 19 years old; he gets hard when a woman walks within 25 feet. This has been going on since they met. It's the best sex your wife has ever had. Seriously.
> 
> ...


Sucks to see a Marine turned into a beta.


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

What is a beta?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Make her give up the details on exactly who he and the girlfriend are. If she doesn't care about him anymore then she'll throw him under the bus. If she refuses to throw him under the bus then you have to ask yourself why?


Save yourself the trouble, she's going to lie anyway. Bet your life on it. When you do get to the point where the trickle truth reveals the lies... expect "I didn't want to hurt you worse" all her lies will be about not wanting to hurt you. If she does change gears the next gear will be "I was scared you would leave me, I can't live without you"..... Then there is the off chance if she's exceptionally manipulative that she will prey on your male ego... "I was scared you would hurt him". Regardless of the tactic, she is lying and will continue until you have the cold hard facts. Even then... It's likely her knee jerk reaction will still be to lie.

Ive found in my experience that the lies and deception are the hardest thing to reconcile. That erodes trust so much more deeply than the physical act itself. 

Stop listening to her, keep digging on your own. Do not rug sweep any of it, it WILL be back to haunt you. 

FYI, in my experience the reason she will lie about this guy and how to find him and his GF may not be because she cares about him... 

From what I've seen, many DS's cringe at the idea of you comparing notes with the AP. So they will do everything they can to keep you away from them...


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

Wow pit...she did use that line "I was scared you would leave me, I can't live without you".


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

marathoner0311 said:


> What is a beta?


READ THIS.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

In your case, marathoner, your wife has mentally moved you into what is called the "beta-provider" zone, or it the context of the link I sent, the "delta-provider." This is the sexless drone-man who provides her with stability, unconditional love and material support for her and her children (whomever the fathers may be) while she finds sexual fulfillment elsewhere.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Where is your 4 year old all this time your wife's living the single life? I mean this guy was staying at your house while you were gone.


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

TBT said:


> Where is your 4 year old all this time your wife's living the single life? I mean this guy was staying at your house while you were gone.


My son was with his grandparents about 4 hours away. Her new job requires her to work 3am-12pm so we let the g-parents watch him since we didnt have childcare that early in the morning.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

It's good that you confirmed her affair.

You now know she's capable of having lovers on the side while married to you. You now know she can lie and cheat.

First thing to do is to have your own bank account and credit cards separately. Put your money into this separate account. You control where you want your money to go -- hopefully it's not to support her cheating.

Remove yourself from any joint bank accounts, credit cards and loans/debts.

Take a look at your (life) insurance. Change the beneficiary away from her.

And dont have another child with her (unless you truly reconciled and she's very remorseful -- this may take her years, if ever).

You may want to do a paternity test (cheap, about $100) on your 4 year old. Do this if you want to have peace of mind, else you will always have this doubt forever.

You seem to be a hard working person. You're still young. Dont waste your years on someone who cannot be loyal or faithful to you. She has shown you her traits already. You'll regret not seeking a healthier alternative to your adulteress wife when there are better women out there.

Work hard on yourself to improve. Learn to detach.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> In your case, marathoner, your wife has mentally moved you into what is called the "beta-provider" zone, or it the context of the link I sent, the "delta-provider." This is the sexless drone-man who provides her with stability, unconditional love and material support for her and her children (whomever the fathers may be) while she finds sexual fulfillment elsewhere.


:iagree:

It has enabled her to become a cake eater.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh and you might want to dump the mattress and get a new one as a symbolic gesture since she used it for Jeff's sleep over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> In your case, marathoner, your wife has mentally moved you into what is called the "beta-provider" zone, or it the context of the link I sent, the "delta-provider." This is the sexless drone-man who provides her with stability, unconditional love and material support for her and her children (whomever the fathers may be) while she finds sexual fulfillment elsewhere.


I don't know enough to know if this is correct, but my experience in life is that things are more shades of grey than this interpretation.

It does make sense but I suspect that you can easily shift between delta, beta and alpha states in the same way that you might hate your WW one minute and love her the next.

It also ignores the point that some people are just bad and hence it doesn't really matter to them what you provide - except that you provide.

Be cynical about everything and remember: if you think the worst possible of someone then you are probably correct.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Talk to a lawyer, find out where you stands.
You need to demand:
NC letter of your approval.
Total transparence and acountability of whereabouts (You trust but veruify displaying the usual snooping tools).
Full disclosure of this affair and whatever old transgressions of marriage boundaires since beginning. She has to back up this with a polygraph. She neds to come clean. Boss was spot on. Find out about what actually happened at work that week.
Tell it's up to her to fix what she broke. To get help and advice to earn your trust back.
She gets IC with a promarriage counselor.

You meawhile wait to see her actions, detach emotionaly from her. Taylor the 180 to your circunstances--> The 180 degree rules
There's nothing less atractive than a secure, clingly spouse.
No More Mr Nice Guy
Married Man's Sex Life


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Talk to a lawyer, find out where you stands.
> You need to demand:
> NC letter of your approval.
> Total transparence and acountability of whereabouts (You trust but veruify displaying the usual snooping tools).
> ...



Please pardon my thread jack just this once. Acabado, I absolutely adore your Spainglish! It makes me smile.... and smiling is good!


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Talk to a lawyer, find out where you stands.
> You need to demand:
> NC letter of your approval.
> Total transparence and acountability of whereabouts (You trust but veruify displaying the usual snooping tools).
> ...


Bit of a rant here, but if someone tried the 180 on me I'd tell them to F off.

I don't want to be with someone who is impressed by the 180 - who comes back like an injured puppy to see why you have left nothing in their bowl.

A way of making sure a horse gets into a lead rein is to stand in the middle of the field facing away from them - 180 away - and let them come to your right shoulder. They wonder what you are keeping from them.

I have given it a *lot* of thought but, seriously, if you have to do the "180" then what hope is there?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

OP, you are seriously being blindsided here. Your wife seems quite manipulative. Read the stories around here. You will regret for the rest of your life if you don't take proper steps now!!


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> OP, you are seriously being blindsided here. Your wife seems quite manipulative. Read the stories around here. You will regret for the rest of your life if you don't take proper steps now!!


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Oh and you might want to dump the mattress and get a new one as a symbolic gesture since she used it for Jeff's sleep over.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah. Burn it in the backyard while your wife can see it.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Chris989 said:


> It does make sense but I suspect that you can easily shift between delta, beta and alpha states in the same way that you might hate your WW one minute and love her the next.


Read the link. Alpha, Beta, Delta are about personality types. As always there is a bell curve and you can change your position on it, but it takes time and tireless effort.

Ever read MMSL? It's a great resource for married or divorced men new to the game concept.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Chris989 said:


> Bit of a rant here, but if someone tried the 180 on me I'd tell them to F off.
> 
> I don't want to be with someone who is impressed by the 180 - who comes back like an injured puppy to see why you have left nothing in their bowl.
> 
> ...


180 advocates say it's about the betrayed getting ready to move on. The fact that a percentage of faithless women behave like herd animals and want to investigate what they can't see in the 180, and are thus drawn to the betrayed, is a mere side-effect.

Gamers, PUA, etc all know that movement away is an attractor.


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

I don't think I can do the 180. Just doesn't seem like me. On the mattress front, I suggested that and she says she doesn't understand why.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> 180 advocates say it's about the betrayed getting ready to move on. The fact that a percentage of faithless women behave like herd animals and want to investigate what they can't see in the 180, and are thus drawn to the betrayed, is a mere side-effect.
> 
> Gamers, PUA, etc all know that movement away is an attractor.


I am not disagreeing but will say that my WW reacts very badly and very quickly to the 180 too. Then again, I don't want to be with her so perhaps there is method in the madness.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You got involved with her when you were 18.

The other man is 19.

Your wife is older.

Could be your wife like younger guys. Guys in the late teens?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

aug said:


> You got involved with her when you were 18.
> 
> The other man is 19.
> 
> ...


Given her record I wouldn't be surprised of her chasing teens when she's in her 40s.


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

Idk...Ironically my last day in my job before the Marines(I was 18) my 30y/o boss told me to send my Fiance(current wife) home and she would give me a night to remember, I turned her down. She was married with two children. Guess it is women in general.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

aug said:


> You got involved with her when you were 18.
> 
> The other man is 19.
> 
> ...


she was of the same age as OP.

Keko, I'll have to say this. I think you are giving out terrible advice these days. Even in the docj thread.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Keko, I'll have to say this. I think you are giving out terrible advice these days. Even in the docj thread.


How so?

I've been telling him to get PI all along yet no concrete response from him.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I'll pm


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

JB100 said:


> Since you seem to be a fit and healthy young man, I honestly think you should have a revenge affair when you are away training next time.
> 
> I am dead serious about this. It will show her what she has to lose because right now she is not remorseful.
> 
> Plus, it will make your self-esteem increase.


*Please! NO! A revenge affair could hurt you. That's the route I took. And I bitterly regret that I did. *

JB100 means well, but I did what he is suggesting to you and I hurt myself more than my wife's affair hurt me. Please. Don't do it. And it killed my self-esteem. Big time.)


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## HereWithoutYou (Jul 26, 2012)

Oh for the love of God please don't have a revenge affair. What good could that possibly do? Plus, being in the Marines and having an affair could get you in trouble. But, Jeff is clearly worried about him getting charged with his adultery for pulling the "I'll file harrassment charges on you!!!" 

I'm so sorry your wife has done/is doing this to you.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

marathoner0311 said:


> I don't think I can do the 180. Just doesn't seem like me. On the mattress front, I suggested that and she says she doesn't understand why.


Seriously? She says this after admitting she fvcked him in your bed?

It may not be of any help in your present marriage, but I highly recommend that you read this book and hang out at the author's blog. Much will be revealed about the dynamics of socio-sexual dealings with women. If you can't change course when necessary, you are nothing but prey to be exploited. When you read this, you'll go "a-ha, but I knew that already." The value is that he puts a lot of random thoughts and observations that most men have had over the years in one place and in a useable format.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

marathoner0311 said:


> Idk...Ironically my last day in my job before the Marines(I was 18) my 30y/o boss told me to send my Fiance(current wife) home and she would give me a night to remember, I turned her down. She was married with two children. Guess it is women in general.


Women around thirty at hitting a new peak of testosterone that is intended to keep them horny through the last years of childbearing age. Men around 19 are at the peak of on-demand sexual performance. Put two and two together.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

marathoner0311 said:


> I don't think I can do the 180. Just doesn't seem like me. On the mattress front, I suggested that and she says she doesn't understand why.


Wow. I this shows more than anything else her compete an total lack of respect for you, your feelings, or your marriage. That needs to change. She should be breaking her back right now trying to be a fantastic wife that you should want to stay with. Her lack of remorse speaks volumes about how likely she will keep cheating as soon as you settle down,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

marathoner0311 said:


> I don't think I can do the 180. Just doesn't seem like me. On the mattress front, I suggested that and she says she doesn't understand why.


Whoa, you suggested that? Thats not the way an alph male does it. You pick it up and sit by the garbage. Period

Your cheating wife doesn't get a vote. AND if she asks why just give her a cold hard stare. DUH


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

marathoner0311 said:


> I don't think I can do the 180. Just doesn't seem like me. On the mattress front, I suggested that and she says she doesn't understand why.


Sure doesn't sound like any Marine I ever knew.


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## marathoner0311 (Jul 26, 2012)

chapparal said:


> Sure doesn't sound like any Marine I ever knew.


I've served as an 0311 Infantryman for 6 years. I am a sergeant of marines and I am responsible for 9 lives, I have lost two friends in situations that could have been prevented in a warzone. God forbid the one place I thought I was safe was destroyed by someone I love and trusted and I am a bit shaken. 

During my time in the military my schedule has always been flexible, plans have always changed, things constantly go wrong. My wife was the constant in my life. I thought she was there no matter what, she was my best friend. Then she did this, it sort of upset my world. Even more so since I was away and unable to affect anything.

Talk to the faithful married Marines you know and you may find a general consensus.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey marathoner---1st you follow what Mayhem says

Your wife does not just get to make this go away---this does NOT get swept under the rug---she was with another guy, actually a punk kid, and he took your place, and your wife wanted him there---so it doesn't go away---she needs to have accountability, harsh accountability, or she will cheat again---the very next time something bugs her

You have basically already wrecked your situation, but at least get some boundaries in place with actionable consequences

Forget about going after the punk----it is your cheating wife, who your beef is with, she is the person who took vows that said she would, love, honor, cherish---etc---we'll you can see how she sticks to keeping her vows

As to her punk lover---You send him a letter---telling him, if you ever catch him anywhere near your wife again, or talking to your wife for any reason----you will file a law suit CIVILLY for INTENIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIIONAL DISTRESS---that lawsuit you can make stick---you let him know, you will file it for yourself, and you child, which means he will have to answer 2 lawsuits-----he is nothing but a punk, who thinks he can get away with anything, well he is old enuff to be sued, so let him know this civil suit, you can make stick, and what you are doing is not harassment, it is filing a lawsuit, and protecting your family

Right now your bigger problem, is letting your wife know, this does not get swept under the rug, and she needs to show, accountability, remorse, repentence, and contriteness, that is unless you don't care, and you can live with her allowing a 19 year old punk inside of her.

Also no revenge A., no way---that is a totally stupid play.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> she was of the same age as OP.



Here's OP post on the ages:


marathoner0311 said:


> My wife and I married when I enlisted in the Marines for active duty. I was 18 she was 21.
> 
> ...
> 
> Apparently she was going to hang out with Jeff(the guy "friend") at the rodeo but they are just friends. He is 19 and she is 27. Not a normal friendship age IMO but not an expert.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

marathoner0311 said:


> I've served as an 0311 Infantryman for 6 years. I am a sergeant of marines and I am responsible for 9 lives, I have lost two friends in situations that could have been prevented in a warzone. God forbid the one place I thought I was safe was destroyed by someone I love and trusted and I am a bit shaken.
> 
> During my time in the military my schedule has always been flexible, plans have always changed, things constantly go wrong. My wife was the constant in my life. I thought she was there no matter what, she was my best friend. Then she did this, it sort of upset my world. Even more so since I was away and unable to affect anything.
> 
> Talk to the faithful married Marines you know and you may find a general consensus.



I believe you missed my point. My point was to man up to your wife. It is not unusal for a brave man to turn into a blubbering idiot around a woman he doesn't know yet, but a married man with kids to protect?

You need to read No More Mister Nice Guy and Married Man Sex Life Primer, now. You can get them online at amazon.

Do not be their b!tch or this will be the shortest recovery of all time before she is between the sheets with someone else.

And most of all, thank you for what you have sacrificed for all of us here in the USA.




BTW, suggesting dumping her cheating bed qualifies as blubbering, whineing etc. If you know what clothes she wore, burn them too. One poster took his WW's clothes out to the front yard, poured detergent on them and hosed them down for the neighbors to see.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

What Chap said x10!

So far the OM has threatened you and told you back off - you can bet he contacted you wife and bragged to her how he handled you.

You wife, knows you got mad and hurt, but she's seen you run things by her for approval before you did them, things like the bed.

It's not unusually for BS to go through and dump beds and couches used for the cheating, and to gather up clothes worn for the OM and gifts given by him and to dump/dispose of them. Don't do anything dramatic like tossing them across the lawn, or lighting them on fire etc. 

Do things like put the bed outside on the street curb for trash pickup. Take the affair clothes/gifts and just dump them in a dumpster or donate them to charity.

Don't ask to do these things, just do them quietly and unannounced. When she asks what/why don't hide or lie, say you dumped the filthy reminders of the OM and her cheating out of the house. 

It's also a very clear message to her: You dumped all the other items from the affair - SHE might go next if she doesn't get serious about working on the marriage.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

marathoner0311 said:


> I don't think I can do the 180. Just doesn't seem like me. On the mattress front, I suggested that and she says she doesn't understand why.


You actually ASKED her? 

Damn, isn't a marine some sort soldier trained mentally and physically to FIGHT? From the american movies i get that picture, now... You come along!

Come on man... You back down cuz the kid said he would sue, you ask your woman if she is ok with you throwing away the matress where she did the dirty with the OM. 

Do you give instruction to soldiers? Do you lead by example? Hell, i'm going to call some chinese guys and have them invade the USA right now... They should expect total unconditional surrender within 24hours after the use of the word "sue"...


Seriously, you need to get back on the horse mate.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

marathoner0311 said:


> I don't think I can do the 180. Just doesn't seem like me. On the mattress front, I suggested that and she says she doesn't understand why.


You either are the type to learn things the hard way or you are not afraid of failure.

She has shown that she will lie to your face and has already crossed the line into cheating in the marriage. The next time will be easier for her.

You need to admit to yourself that you may have just married the wrong woman. It’s not your fault; you had no idea that she couldn’t be trusted until she was put in a situation like this. She failed.

The 180 is to get you confidence back and your head straight. You have to put your emotions aside to think clearly because they will lead you down the wrong path if you let them. Don’t “reward” your wife for cheating on you and don’t let her get away with minimizing it. Next time she tries to rug sweep show her where the door is. 

She screwed a guy in your bed behind your back, what are the consequences going to be? Getting a better husband?


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

marathoner0311 said:


> I texted jeff to leave my family and I alone and that I was pursuing adultery charges through military justice(I cant because he is a national guardsman and same laws dont apply.) He texted me back saying that they better stick or he would sue for harrassment. So I dont know if that is possible or not, so I just left him alone after that/


 Not sure if the UCMJ would apply to reservists unless if the incident happened while he was currently drilling.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Hey did you read the beta stuff yet. Another man did her in your bed, and you ONLY SUGGESTED a new bed ?? Thats BETA my man. 
And when she asked why " I won't lay on his stuff that ran out of you. You must like laying there with me, thinking about how I'm laying in your and his dryed mess ??
Now, as for your son, he is not staying with you guys anyway. So at his age, growing up with a D mom and Dad will not be that tough. He will have some trouble at first, but with some IC as he grow, he should do well with you as a dad after you ahve read " No More Mr. Nice Guy ", "His Needs, Her Needs".
My advice, dump her, go talk to the ppl at the old job in person, so you will know how much she has lied. then tell her you are setting up a polygraph for her, bc you don't think you have the whole truth.
And plz find a way to inject and balance some of those leadership skills you use on the job into your personal life.


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