# Welcome to the whacky 21st century family



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Taking the kids away for vacation starting today, for the rest of the week. Had originally tried to coordinate with family, and that fell through.

So ... I asked the ex. And she's coming along. All makes sense in our whacky world. We both genuinely enjoy being with the kids. They make us laugh. It's fun. And my rationale was quite simple, I'd rather be running a man to man defense than a poor, zone defense. 

We're each going to take some much needed time for ourselves ... meaning singular alone time. I want some time to work out and chill out. She wants to be able to do some shopping at the outlets without kids asking "Are we done yet?"

Win/Win. Or at least that is the plan.

Trying to reconnect with, reconcile, or hit on my ex ... is not part of the plan. 

I did say, "I just wanted to let you know that I plan on bringing wine."

Her: "Oh, well that should be nice."

Me: "Yeah, so I just wanted to let you know so that you wouldn't get the wrong idea."

Her: "What, that you were going to try and get me drunk?"

Me: "No. That I have any intention of sharing it."

:FIREdevil:

She laughed ...

Will be fun, of that I have no doubt. Oddly, I don't doubt that it will be LESS stressful than vacation when we were 'coupled'.

Should also be interesting ...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Gentlemen,

That's how you get the female to experience the emotion of a successful fitness test without her having to administer it.

Well done Deejo.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I won't share my fruit with you either! :smthumbup:


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## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

How old are your kids?

Have you made it abundantly clear that this doesn't mean that mom and dad are getting back together??


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

If the well being of the kids were at risk in any way ... it simply wouldn't happen.

It was fine. They were fine. Kids are eight and five.

Parenting, and seeing to the needs of our kids has never, ever, been an issue.

Everyone had fun. 

There were no mixed messages or awkward moments between the adults or the kids ... plenty of smiles and laughter though. And THAT was the goal.

I did let her have one glass of wine ...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Leaving the door open just a crack....


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Nah ... we had the conversation on the ride home. What we have ... works. We touched on all of the baggage from the past, particularly her health issues surrounding sex ... and the negative impact that association had specifically with me. It was, without doubt ... bad. 

I said to her point blank: "Did you think I was going to hit on you?"
Her: "Yes."
I just smiled.

Honestly? It was EXACTLY like our marriage, minus the angst about whether or not we were going to 'connect'. Operationally ... we perform wonderfully.

Neither of us wants to go back. We 'can't' be happily married. Won't happen. But ... we 'play' often. And that's just fun. 

Our feeling is that our children benefit from our interaction and cooperation, if it ever becomes clear that is no longer the case, then we simply won't.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Nah ... we had the conversation on the ride home. What we have ... works. We touched on all of the baggage from the past, particularly her health issues surrounding sex ... and the negative impact that association had specifically with me. It was, without doubt ... bad.
> 
> I said to her point blank: "Did you think I was going to hit on you?"
> Her: "Yes."
> ...


I was half-kidding.

But, I do want you to know I admire that you're open to that.

Was TOM along for the ride?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Conrad said:


> I was half-kidding.
> 
> But, I do want you to know I admire that you're open to that.
> 
> Was TOM along for the ride?


LOL ... negative.

TOM and ex are currently de-coupled ... again. We did not talk once about relationship stuff until the 3 hour ride home, late at night. It kept us awake for the ride.

We are NOT reconciling. In all likelihood, she and TOM will give it another go. I made one request, do not pull him back in and engage him with the kids again ... until she feels certain about the direction they are going. The kids brought up TOM several times on vacation, I just rolled with it and smiled. It was funny. 

But ... in my mind? This little exercise is also a perfect illustration of where she is at, and how I have changed. Were I currently in TOM's shoes, I wouldn't even consider sticking around. TOM is me ... 3 years ago. I have no desire to go backward.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I think you’re brave Deejo. And confident deep inside. I wont see my wife again because I don’t trust myself not to respond to the dysfunctional dynamics from times gone past in the way that I used to. I ain’t there yet and doubt I ever will be, just don’t have the tools or much of a need even though I’ve learnt so much here on TAM. But our sons are in their 30s, if they were still young like yours I know it would be very different. Kudos to you.

Bob


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I'll bet he's having some real buyer's remorse over that 12 page letter.

You ever fantasize about having a few beers with him? That could be really fun in a cruel sadistic way.



Deejo said:


> LOL ... negative.
> 
> TOM and ex are currently de-coupled ... again. We did not talk once about relationship stuff until the 3 hour ride home, late at night. It kept us awake for the ride.
> 
> ...


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Conrad said:


> I'll bet he's having some real buyer's remorse over that 12 page letter.
> 
> You ever fantasize about having a few beers with him? That could be really fun in a cruel sadistic way.


He has actually suggested it in the past. I just smiled and nodded. I have indicated previously, I truly have no issue with the guy ... any more. 

They won't make it. For virtually the same reasons we didn't make it. I don't say that with vengeful glee.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Deejo said:


> He has actually suggested it in the past. I just smiled and nodded. I have indicated previously, I truly have no issue with the guy ... any more.
> 
> They won't make it. For virtually the same reasons we didn't make it. I don't say that with vengeful glee.


From your honest postings and clever wit, I really admire you.

I think you help far more people than you realize.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

YouTube - Toby Keith - Who's Your Daddy?


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