# Unhappy Newlywed



## Myra1 (May 26, 2010)

I have been married for 6 months now and I am extremly unhappy in my marriage. First off let me say that my husband is a good man and i know he loves me very much.
However, I resent him. We have had a number of hardships from me finding out how much debt he has to him not informing me that he had a learning disability as a child. I feel like i started off my marriage with lots of lies. Now that we are married, I see how financially irresponsible he is. Also, we had a joint savings account together and he took out money without informing me. To top it off, our sex life is horrible. We only have sex 1 or 2 times every 2-3 weeks. 
I cry all the time because I am so unhappy. I know i saw the signs before we got married, but he assured me he was making changes. He always says he is trying and that I dont appreciate the things he does. Which, I know i need to acknowlegde more.
I don't want to get a divorce but i am so sad and i feel like i made a mistake. I also think I am still in love with my ex.
I just dont know what to do and would like some advice from those who have been married for a while.


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## HappilyMarriedAfter (May 27, 2010)

Don't dispair... 
One of the most important things for you to remember is what you started off with, stating that your husband is a good man and that he loves you very much (and you apparently love him). The things that you are talking about fall somewhere in the realm of "normal" it's just that you and your husband need to take some time to talk about it. And actually implement some changes.

Yes, it would have been helpful for your husband to let you know some of those things that he failed to mention... but that is a mutual problem. Prior to marriage you too should have had what I like to call "lengthy conversation" in order to get lots of these details out in the open. But I don't know if I would consider them to be lies. Marriage is going to be a lifetime of continuous discovery, you will learn more things years from now that you didn't know about your spouse. 

Here are a few things you can do that might help:
1. Go buy one of those books at the book store about "Questions to Ask Before Marriage" or one my wife and I use still today is called "Romantic Questions - 264 outrageous, sweet and profound questions" This book digs deep and you really get to know your spouse and have fun too.

2. Learn to be open and communicate about your sex life with your spouse. Don't assume thta he knows how to please you. Make a game out of it. Schedule time to make love

3. Schedule dates to get to enjoy each other so you don't lose sight of why you fell in love in the first place

4. My wife and I have a blog called Happily Married After (www.happilymarriedafter.org) happilymarriedafter(dot)org that discusses being married and happy! We can relate because we had a rocky start to our marriage. Head over there and subscribe to that blog.

Best of luck. Remember to be intentional. Being Happily Married After is done on purpose!


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