# Isolated, alone, scared.. husband has cut me out of his life



## Alixendriss (Aug 13, 2014)

I've been married 7 years. I live in Texas, USA but my home is Canada. I knew my husband for 3 years before we married, he's much younger than me but pursued me nonstop. We talked in great length about the age difference and what that meant in the long run, I would eventually need to be looked after more and more. It got to the point where he would say we had talked about it enough. We got married April 2007. Unfortunately health problems set in with me much sooner than either one of us expected; fibromyalgia, autoimmune disorder, connective tissue disorder, diabetes, high blood pressure, polyarthropathy, neuoraphy, 2 bulging discs in my back, adenomyosis. Its a ridiculous list that has developed in the last 5 years. 

Due to my health our sex life suffered and I couldn't sleep if I got 2 hours a night, I was doing good. I was put on Ambien to get the sleep that would help heal my body. It was great to sleep again, I was able to manage almost a 6 to 8 hours night sleep so when I started waking up with a start, I was baffled. My husband snores and has a habit of bouncing to turn over in bed I thought that was why I woke up but Ambien is a very powerful sleeping drug, I just got very bad feelings when I'd wake up like that and when I finally became aware of why I was waking with a start.. even now my stomach is sick speaking about it. I found out that my husband was having sex with me while I was knocked out on Ambien. The first time I realized it I woke up with him pulling the cover down behind be, I slept on my side facing away from him. I laid there shocked and my mind racing trying to piece the information together. I thought I had to have imagined it, it couldn't be real. A couple of nights later I woke up to find him inside me and pulling out fast trying to move away from me, I was so angry! I turned to him and told him if he ever did that again I would kill him. He said he didn't know what I was talking about. I felt disgust, betrayal, violated and then I realized I was raped by my own husband. I began getting a quilt and folding it over like a sleeping bag so I was closed off to him but I found I could no longer sleep even on the Ambien. The minute I started to fall asleep I'd jerk awake. Shortly after I moved into another bedroom and I've slept there for the last 5 years and 3 months. I haven't been able to stand his touch ever since. 

I tried to talk to him about it but he just says I made it up, I dreamed it, I was drugged and didn't know what I was saying. A woman knows. She knows when something isn't right. I knew long before I knew for sure, there was just a sense of fear for no reason I could understand until I did understand. I've never talked about it with him again and I've never told anyone until right now. And now my husband wants a divorce because he says he's tired of me cringing from his touch. 

I don't know how I let it go on for so long. It was like being asleep when I was awake. I don't know why I couldn't tell anyone. 

He's angry at me for so many things. He says he's wasted his time and money on me. That I'm lazy and never attempted to get a job. We live in a place where there is no city transit of any kind and he has the only vehicle and I am prone to bad bouts with the fibro, neuropathy, the discs in my back. Sometimes my legs swell to at least three times their size, I don't think I could work if I wanted to and trust me I would like to just to get out and have some company and a place I could feel productive. So he has gotten a different bank account, claimed bankruptcy, bought a new car, comes and goes as he pleases and if I ask for money for something he says he's only giving me what the doctors needs and my meds. His family knows of the situation and they support him in it. They have given him money to get the car and he has dumped them with me because I left everything behind when I came here and I have nothing to go back to. I haven't been back for a visit to see family and friends for 8 years. We never had the money.

He blamed me for our credit problems but he had more cards and much more credit than I did. I'm not saying I didn't buy things, I did. I might have even gone a wee bit overboard because I was so lonely and depressed I needed something to make me feel better but I didn't create the credit hell. It came with the economic hit happened, companies just started reducing credit to the point we'd end up paying overcharges when the APR hit and that made the APR go up it was a vicious circle. So now he says he's liberated and because I say I want a divorce lawyer he's saying I'm threatening him and he's not going to take that. Yeah, I know my marriage is over. It should have been a long time ago when I was violated and he wouldn't take responsibility and try to fix it. I swear none of this showed up the 3 years we were together. My problem now is I have no money and he's trying to give me nothing. Both him and his parents had to sign a financial responsibility form for Immigration for me to be here and it states they have to financially take care of me but I hate that thought. But I have nothing and I don't know how to find a divorce lawyer when I can't afford to pay them. 

Please if anyone has gone through this or something similar, I could use some information. Is there some way to get a divorce lawyer I don't know about? As I said, I'm in Texas, Dallas to be exact and I am so in need of help. I have never been a helpless person but I'm lost here.

Thanks


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

I live in Dallas also, and i can help you if YOU want. PM me if you can..


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Call around to attorneys and find one that petition the court to have the attorney fees paid out of marital assets.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

What you experienced was a form of marital rape-having sex when you were incapable of giving consent. Contact the local chapter for sexual abuse or a women's shelter and they could set you up with a counselor to help you process how to cope.
You're correct, its unlikely he will ever admit to it. Likely he will a) deny it ever happened and/or b) try to convince you it "wasn't like that" because he really loved you. Rape isn't love.
Contact the local bar association who can help you find an attorney. Don't worry so much about the fees now. Texas Family Code § 6.502(4) allows for interim attorneys' fee under the proper circumstances to preserve property and protect the parties.
I am so sorry you have been treated so badly. Life can get better.


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

I am very sorry for the hurt you have experienced. I pray for healing and provision. May the Lord bless you.


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## Alixendriss (Aug 13, 2014)

Thank you Sammy64, I have PMed you I think. I guess I'll know when/if I receive a reply.

Thank you EleGirl for your information unfortunately we don't have any assets, well except for the new car my husband bought once he.. we filed Chapter 7 Bankruptcy. We've always lived at his parents home, its large enough to have a couple of rooms to ourselves but there was never any room for our own assets as the house is quite cluttered. My husband promised we were only staying here until we were done with immigration but it just kept going on and on and on.

Pluto2 your info is very helpful and I would have certainly made an effort sooner but I had no transportation unless my husband or his mother took me somewhere. The vehicle was shared by us all and to be honest I was scared of who might find out what if I did make that kind of contact. I've already been attacked by his sister once she seems to have a mental problem and just can't let anything go, they say she's like a dog with a bone. She'll go on for hours, and continue the next morning, about something very minor. She's very scary and she's protected by everyone in the house and she's Daddy's little girl even though she's 36 or 37 so he's got a hate on for me just because she doesn't like me. 

Thank you WolverineFan, I am too  

I can only imagine what everyone thinks that reads what I write, I've heard so many negative things since I've been here. I used to be a strong, vital person I have a degree in Administration and held jobs in the upper executive level until I arrived here. The gov't doesn't let you work with penalizing you when you first go for immigration status legally so I couldn't work for almost 3 years. By then I started developing all these diseases that I've never even believed was possible. I didn't believe the doctors at first I thought they just wanted to put me on all these drugs.. well because it seems pharmaceutical companies run the states. But it was clear something went very wrong in my body with inflammation, my immune system broke down making it almost impossible to work. That set my husband off bad. That's when he informed me that he expected me to work so HE could be free of this house we live in! He never mentioned that before. 

I thank all of you that took the time to respond and give me help to get myself out of this craziness. You are kind beyond words and my God bless you all.


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## Alixendriss (Aug 13, 2014)

*My STBXH just walked in the door..*

I haven't posted as much as most people I feel that complaining somehow makes me weak. I have been able to talk with a couple of people and I feel safe enough to vent fully but the truth is I have had NO success in finding a lawyer to take my case so here I sit in HIS parents house while he's out there with the money and the freedom and I'm still trapped. I envy those who have family who will back them up no matter what because that is what they are doing for him. They give him money but he's kept all the money, everything is geared towards him and I'm told 'they don't want to get involved' which really means they don't want to do anything to help me and really why would they? You take care of your own, right?

I'm not starving because there is food in the house but while he gets to have his new car and live in his new place, I'm here with nothing of my own but my clothes and my computer. I have certainly got an eye opener by trying to get representation even in regards to the Texas Family Code for support and reasonable lawyer fees along with accounting for all assets. I guess I just do not know how to use the system and I haven't let anyone know about the abuse. Why I haven't let anyone know? I'm ashamed and embarrassed and feel like a stupid, weak, incapable fool who not only let the abuse happen but now can't seem to talk about it to get the help I need. Sure I've called probably about 100 lawyers but they don't talk to me for 5 minutes before asking me about how I'm going to pay them. When I tell them my STBXH has cut me off from all money, that's when they wrap up the call real quick with, "I'm sorry we can't help you." Sorry?! CAN'T help you?! They aren't sorry and they COULD help me if they had a heart!

I realize there are so many of us out there needing help and can't put out $5000 to do it especially when the divorce isn't that complicated. We only have the car as marital assets and support would be an Affidavit of Support that has been awarded in court every time its been fought for which covers lawyers fees. Still no one listens and I can't just drive around dropping in places because I'd have to use the STBX in law's car and they want to know what I'm using it for.

Ok that's my update. Wish I had better, happier news but there it is. He walks in and acts like he's all special and smirks at me which I try my best to ignore but I would so love to wipe that look off his face. Trying to hang in and find some other way to get the help I need but feeling quite defeated. I cannot for the life of me understand how my STBXH can just leave me at his parents house and not have one thought of me. I never did anything horrible to him that would warrant this type of behavior. All I know is I could never do that to anyone that I loved at one time even him and all his abuse.


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