# Desperate for help!



## anon1968 (Nov 2, 2011)

I don't know what to do. I'm torn whether I should end my relationship or not. In a nutshell - we're engaged and have been dating 3 and a half years. I'm 24, and she's 27. 

Over the last 8 months I feel like I have changed from loving her as a partner, to that of almost a paternal figure. She has mental health issues, mainly severe OCD and anorexia. The anorexia is mostly in remission. She has had these from when we met. It was never an issue to start with as it never came between us. When it did I was able to support and help her through the bad times. 

When she is going through her bad times, she withdraws completely, argues with me and cannot focus on me at all. I feel awful for saying it, but I'm getting tired of it. I always try to help. I have done everything imaginable. I have taken her to psychologists. I have taken her on holidays so that I can get her in a different environment. I have cooked for her everyday. Yet I never get any support back when I have just one a rubbish day - even when she's in a good spell.

She hates my job as its shift work, and is always trying to get me to quit. I had my job when we started dating, and she knew what it involved and that I love it. Every opportunity she gets she slags it off. When I'm not at work, I always make sure I'm free to do stuff with her. She always makes an excuse when we have made plans with my family or friends. 

On the off chance she does come, she always complains and is un-sociable. An example would be when we went to meet my sister she refused to to talk to anyone as she didn't want to be there. Another time she made a point of laying on the couch and falling asleep. I don't want to sound petty by listing these. 

Things have been a lot worse for the last three months. I was doing a nightshift, and I got a phone call saying she had turned up at my office drunk. I had to take her home, otherwise she would have had to have been hospitalised. Whilst waiting for a lift at work, she started screaming and shouting how awful I am, that I'm fat, ugly, bad in bed etc. When I got her in the house, she slammed the front door and shut my fingers in the door. 

When she woke up in the morning, i asked to speak to her. I made sure I was calm, and I didn't shout. She said everyone gets tipsy and I had blown it out of proportion. She then told me she was going out with friends. 

Ever since then, we have an argument ever couple of days. I almost panic when she goes out of the house on her own at night, as I 'm scared she's going to do something again. 

I know every tale of woe has two sides. Please don't think I am saying I'm perfect. I'm not. I don't know what to do. I have not really had many experiences in relationships. Please help!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

She`s a nightmare.

If you marry her expect a lifetime of more of this behavior.

I wouldn`t do it.


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## anon1968 (Nov 2, 2011)

tacoma said:


> She`s a nightmare.
> 
> If you marry her expect a lifetime of more of this behavior.
> 
> I wouldn`t do it.


Thats what my friends at work have said. I wasn't sure if they were bias t as they have an extremely low tolerance of being an abusive drunk. 

I have lost count of the number of times I have had to look for her in the neighbourhood at night. If I say I'm tired and want to head home after a night out, she normally starts trying to hit me, then runs out of the house.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

None of this is acceptable behavior.

Do you want this woman raising your kids ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anon1968 (Nov 2, 2011)

tacoma said:


> None of this is acceptable behavior.
> 
> Do you want this woman raising your kids ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In short no. The problem is I don't know how to judge when enough is enough. Plus, a small part of me is trying to rationalise all this grief as being my fault..


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

anon1968 said:


> In short no. The problem is I don't know how to judge when enough is enough. Plus, a small part of me is trying to rationalise all this grief as being my fault..


How are those rationalizations going?

How could this be YOUR fault?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You want and need a partner in life. What you have now is someone you provide care and services for.

Imagine adding kids to this mix. Are you going to be able to provide all the care and love for them and her and keep your job?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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