# 13 yo son pulling away and my difficulty coping



## ButtPunch

I am the proud Father of a 13 yo son and I am having difficulty coping with him pulling away.

I do consider myself overprotective.

His pulling away has definitely triggered an anxiety response from me.

I try to guide him but he doesn't want to listen.

For instance, he has a gf and I tried to explain if you keep being short and blunt with her she
is going to assume that you don't like her and don't want to talk to her and another little boy 
will come along and give her the attention she is craving. 

I said this because I see it happening already. I guess I told him to protect him.

He is very forgetful and his Mom and I always stop what we are doing and go home and get his 
football pads or whatever it is he forgot. 

Today I am going to make a change. I am going to stop reading and monitoring his texts. I am going
to stop giving him unsolicited advice to help keep him from getting hurt. 

Any parents out their with some advice to help me cope? The anxiety I feel is real as I didn't sleep last 
worried about my son and gf maybe be breaking up. How stupid is that?

Any books out there to help me let go?


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## syhoybenden

He's 13 and he's only now pulling away??? You must have won the parenting lottery.

Don't sweat it. It's only natural. If you gave him a good base, a good foundation he'll come back into the fold eventually.

Eventually.


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## ButtPunch

syhoybenden said:


> He's 13 and he's only now pulling away??? You must have won the parenting lottery.
> 
> Don't sweat it. It's only natural. If you gave him a good base, a good foundation he'll come back into the fold eventually.
> 
> Eventually.


I know it's the natural way of life but the pain and anxiety I feel is real. Something is triggering in me that isn't healthy imo.


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## Andy1001

I remember being thirteen and being too nervous about asking a girl to the movies, not just because she might refuse but also what my friends would say about me having a girlfriend. 
I was also in the process of trying to figure out my feelings for all these girls who a short time before were just my (slightly annoying) classmates. 
At thirteen he is going through the biggest change in his life. 
Two things. 
1. He’s not a little boy.
2. Stop going through his messages. If he doesn’t want you to see something he can easily hide it. If he knows that you aren’t spying on him he will probably trust you more and be more open with what’s happening in his life. 
If you want to worry wait until he’s moved out and maybe living with a group of people. 
Then worry. lol.


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## Tilted 1

Yes your being a helicopter parents, and giving and doing things he needs to experience. That includes to find love and lose the love and then finding another. Your taking away his learning how to be a man. Did your parents protect you from everything? 

If he has issues he will have to work them out. And quit reading the text. If it is to his so called gf. Don't touch them. And contain yourself. Good Lord let him grow up his way. Not your way maybe he needs to give to tough love, and in a way he is your pushing him away by your hovering of him like an overlord. 

I will give you some credit that you are asking here, if you remember how you suffered to get where your at, he needs to do the same. His way though. Not yours l just can not stress this to you enough.


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## Tilted 1

Your a caring and loving dad, it is apparent, be a great dad and be there when he has questions.


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## 3Xnocharm

He's 13, he is SUPPOSED to pull away some, lol. If you keep hovering, you will push him away and he will likely rebel. Stop reading his texts, those are none of your business. (I feel checking his social media is ok though, actually its necessary) Now that you have seen enough of them to know the dynamic with the girlfriend, you can offer guidance as to how NOT to be a little jerk. But otherwise back off. Helicopter parents do their kids no favors by being that way.


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## brooklynAnn

My son is going to be 21 in a few months. Raising a boy is so much more different than a girl. With the girl you knew how she felt and her thoughts by her mood and need to vent. The boy was quiet and never complained. He never expressed himself, so I always kept an extra eye on him. You had to pull the words out of him. 

Don't worry it gets better.

During the early teenage years things were a bit difficult. He could not remember to do things. You had to constantly remind him to do things. He forgot his books. In his school not being in uniform is a reason for detention. He constantly forgot his belt. It got so bad the teachers started taking off their belts to lend to him. I was constantly going to school to drop things off. Thank God I was a stay at home mum who could have done that. AFTEr a while, it got to be too much. So, I started to do a check list before we leave in the morning.....books, belt, gym clothes, homework, deodorant etc. Until, he started to do his own checking. The last two years of high school I did not need to do those runs so much that his teachers missed seeing me in school.:crying:

He had a girl friend or rather the girl decided she was going to be his girlfriend in the 3rd year. Because he would not talk too much, she decided that it was not going to work after one semester. As she explained to me, Aidan did not speak at all and she can't date someone who did not speak. He was heart broken for a while. But I told him the good thing about a broken heart is that it heals with time. He is young and it's normal for him to go thru a few break ups and he will get over it. I just made sure that he was eating well and sleeping. I monitor him to make sure he was not getting depressed. 

My husband had a hard time talking to him. It seems like he was constantly telling our son what to do and almost bulling him to do things his way. We have had a few fights on how he was handling our son. I am overly protective of our children because I come from a very dysfunctional and abusive upbringing. At one point I had to inform my husband that it was his job to support and advocate for our children not to put them down. The world does that and they don't need that in our home. To which he understood and related to, so he had a talk with son about home being his safe place and he even said he was sorry for treating him that way. Things got better between them. Now they are best buds.

My son also has a reading problem and had a speech problem when he was young, so maybe all of that played into story. He did dated again and had a break up again. Now he is dating the same person for almost 3 years. I had a talk with him when he turned 19 about relationships and communication, he too it to heart and now talks too much with his girlfriend. Sometimes, I have to yell at him to get off the damn phone.

Don't worry so much. It get better as they grow. It's all that hormones running thru their bodies. And they way society has imprinted that boys need to be tough and strong. 

Thing is that he is going to date lots of people. He is going to have his heartbroken. We all went thru that, we all survived, your son will too. 

My advice to you, daddy is to let your son knows that he is loved and if he ever needs to talk he can come to you. That you would not judge him but support him. Also, kids at that age needs to know you will support them but please don't try to fix all his problems. He will learn to solve his own issues and grow from them. Give him lots of hugs and kisses even if he does not want it. My son used to bolt from the car as soon as it stops. Now he showers me with hugs and kisses. I am his old mummy.:surprise:

Your son will grow up to be an amazing young man, this phase will pass in a few years. Have faith daddy and remember to do a check list before leaving in the morning. By the way my son who I was worried about not graduating high school because he never remembered to turn in homework strolled across the stage on graduation day with honors laughing his ass off as a surprised for me. Now he is a double major in college with plans to attend grad school. He helps around the house and is such fun and joy to be around. He and his dad are always doing things together. He is happy to go out to lunch and dinner. Can't keep him in the house anymore. Time flies.


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## ButtPunch

Tilted 1 said:


> Yes your being a helicopter parents, and giving and doing things he needs to experience. That includes to find love and lose the love and then finding another. Your taking away his learning how to be a man. Did your parents protect you from everything?
> 
> If he has issues he will have to work them out. And quit reading the text. If it is to his so called gf. Don't touch them. And contain yourself. Good Lord let him grow up his way. Not your way maybe he needs to give to tough love, and in a way he is your pushing him away by your hovering of him like an overlord.
> 
> I will give you some credit that you are asking here, if you remember how you suffered to get where your at, he needs to do the same. His way though. Not yours l just can not stress this to you enough.


I spoke with my son this morning about the phone. I apologized for monitoring his texts and said that I 
was only trying to protect him from mistakes. I then told him that I was not going to do it anymore and that
I need to trust him to do the right thing and learn from his mistakes.

This happened this morning before I came to TAM.


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## ButtPunch

brooklynAnn said:


> My son is going to be 21 in a few months. Raising a boy is so much more different than a girl. With the girl you knew how she felt and her thoughts by her mood and need to vent. The boy was quiet and never complained. He never expressed himself, so I always kept an extra eye on him. You had to pull the words out of him.
> 
> Don't worry it gets better.
> 
> During the early teenage years things were a bit difficult. He could not remember to do things. You had to constantly remind him to do things. He forgot his books. In his school not being in uniform is a reason for detention. He constantly forgot his belt. It got so bad the teachers started taking off their belts to lend to him. I was constantly going to school to drop things off. Thank God I was a stay at home mum who could have done that. AFTEr a while, it got to be too much. So, I started to do a check list before we leave in the morning.....books, belt, gym clothes, homework, deodorant etc. Until, he started to do his own checking. The last two years of high school I did not need to do those runs so much that his teachers missed seeing me in school.:crying:
> 
> He had a girl friend or rather the girl decided she was going to be his girlfriend in the 3rd year. Because he would not talk too much, she decided that it was not going to work after one semester. As she explained to me, Aidan did not speak at all and she can't date someone who did not speak. He was heart broken for a while. But I told him the good thing about a broken heart is that it heals with time. He is young and it's normal for him to go thru a few break ups and he will get over it. I just made sure that he was eating well and sleeping. I monitor him to make sure he was not getting depressed.
> 
> My husband had a hard time talking to him. It seems like he was constantly telling our son what to do and almost bulling him to do things his way. We have had a few fights on how he was handling our son. I am overly protective of our children because I come from a very dysfunctional and abusive upbringing. At one point I had to inform my husband that it was his job to support and advocate for our children not to put them down. The world does that and they don't need that in our home. To which he understood and related to, so he had a talk with son about home being his safe place and he even said he was sorry for treating him that way. Things got better between them. Now they are best buds.
> 
> My son also has a reading problem and had a speech problem when he was young, so maybe all of that played into story. He did dated again and had a break up again. Now he is dating the same person for almost 3 years. I had a talk with him when he turned 19 about relationships and communication, he too it to heart and now talks too much with his girlfriend. Sometimes, I have to yell at him to get off the damn phone.
> 
> Don't worry so much. It get better as they grow. It's all that hormones running thru their bodies. And they way society has imprinted that boys need to be tough and strong.
> 
> Thing is that he is going to date lots of people. He is going to have his heartbroken. We all went thru that, we all survived, your son will too.
> 
> My advice to you, daddy is to let your son knows that he is loved and if he ever needs to talk he can come to you. That you would not judge him but support him. Also, kids at that age needs to know you will support them but please don't try to fix all his problems. He will learn to solve his own issues and grow from them. Give him lots of hugs and kisses even if he does not want it. My son used to bolt from the car as soon as it stops. Now he showers me with hugs and kisses. I am his old mummy.:surprise:
> 
> Your son will grow up to be an amazing young man, this phase will pass in a few years. Have faith daddy and remember to do a check list before leaving in the morning. By the way my son who I was worried about not graduating high school because he never remembered to turn in homework strolled across the stage on graduation day with honors laughing his ass off as a surprised for me. Now he is a double major in college with plans to attend grad school. He helps around the house and is such fun and joy to be around. He and his dad are always doing things together. He is happy to go out to lunch and dinner. Can't keep him in the house anymore. Time flies.


Wow thanks for posting. My son must be a long lost twin of yours. What you described is my son to a tee. Even down to the speaking and reading disability (dyslexia). I chuckled when I read the girl that decided she would be his gf. Same situation we went thru.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

ButtPunch said:


> I am the proud Father of a 13 yo son and I am having difficulty coping with him pulling away.
> 
> I do consider myself overprotective.
> 
> His pulling away has definitely triggered an anxiety response from me.
> 
> I try to guide him but he doesn't want to listen.
> 
> For instance, he has a gf and I tried to explain if you keep being short and blunt with her she
> is going to assume that you don't like her and don't want to talk to her and another little boy
> will come along and give her the attention she is craving.
> 
> I said this because I see it happening already. I guess I told him to protect him.
> 
> He is very forgetful and his Mom and I always stop what we are doing and go home and get his
> football pads or whatever it is he forgot.
> 
> Today I am going to make a change. I am going to stop reading and monitoring his texts. I am going
> to stop giving him unsolicited advice to help keep him from getting hurt.
> 
> Any parents out their with some advice to help me cope? The anxiety I feel is real as I didn't sleep last
> worried about my son and gf maybe be breaking up. How stupid is that?
> 
> Any books out there to help me let go?


As a father of two boys, who have grown into two well adjusted successful men, and each given me fine grandsons.....

I can say welcome to the teenage years. 

Somethings now, you're going to have to let him make his own mistakes and consequences yet still be there to keep him out of the deep weeds.


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## arbitrator

*Adolescence ~ I'm literally surprised that his most natural parental alienation ploy hasn't actually started well before now!

In the event of strongheadedness, it is sometimes a good idea to give them just a little bit of rope and be there as you pick them up as they are falling!

One of life's greatest lessons!*


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## ButtPunch

arbitrator said:


> *Adolescence ~ I'm literally surprised that his most natural parental alienation ploy hasn't actually started well before now!
> 
> In the event of strongheadedness, it is sometimes a good idea to give them just a little bit of rope and be there as you pick them up as they are falling!
> 
> One of life's greatest lessons!*


No it didn't come in slowly imo he pulled a 180 on me


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## sa58

Father of two grown sons. I remember these days.
Not really pulling away, just becoming independent 

When my sons started telling my wife " Mom we 
don't need you hovering over us all of the time"
She didn't take it very well. I remember their first
broken heart. Swearing they would never care about
anyone else. First car and everything else came next.

You have built a strong foundation, for
him to build upon. Lean upon when needed.

Be there for him when he needs you.
Yes it will sometimes hurt when you see
him hurt. Been there . Several times with both 
of them. They still call when troubled. 

Yours will also.


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## Lila

[deleted]


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## Tron

I can't help you with too much advice on teenage boys. I've only had to deal with teenage girls, so far. 

But I know it is coming, and pretty soon. My son is about to turn 11 and he's pulled away some from me already. We don't really have a lot of common interests, so that hasn't been super difficult. Disappointing but not super difficult. I know y'all have always been very active and close, so I do get it. Mine comes and goes, flutters away then comes closer, if you know what I mean. My arms always stay open. Always available to talk. 

As far as the girls, I tried to let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. I've always been more hands off, in the background, providing constructive advice (both critical and supportive). Mom was usually more hands on and hovering and in their day to day business. 

I'd say my relationship with both girls is pretty good. We will see how things turn out with my son.


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## BluesPower

ButtPunch said:


> I am the proud Father of a 13 yo son and I am having difficulty coping with him pulling away.
> 
> I do consider myself overprotective.
> 
> His pulling away has definitely triggered an anxiety response from me.
> 
> I try to guide him but he doesn't want to listen.
> 
> For instance, he has a gf and I tried to explain if you keep being short and blunt with her she
> is going to assume that you don't like her and don't want to talk to her and another little boy
> will come along and give her the attention she is craving.
> 
> I said this because I see it happening already. I guess I told him to protect him.
> 
> He is very forgetful and his Mom and I always stop what we are doing and go home and get his
> football pads or whatever it is he forgot.
> 
> Today I am going to make a change. I am going to stop reading and monitoring his texts. I am going
> to stop giving him unsolicited advice to help keep him from getting hurt.
> 
> Any parents out their with some advice to help me cope? The anxiety I feel is real as I didn't sleep last
> worried about my son and gf maybe be breaking up. How stupid is that?
> 
> Any books out there to help me let go?


First off, been there done it... 

The anxiety thing, I am sorry, but you are going to have to get over it. It is your issue, see a doc... 

The other thing is this, what he is doing is age appropriate, natural and normal, so let him go. 

The overprotective thing has to stop, you will damage him.

Let him come to you for advice, let him fail, let him get hurt, then when he comes to you, rub some dirt on and tell him to get back out there and keep swinging... 

LET HIM GO, only then will he learn and then about 18 - 23 they come back to you, and if you are lucky they tell you that you were right all the time... 

Mine did...


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## ButtPunch

Tron said:


> I can't help you with too much advice on teenage boys. I've only had to deal with teenage girls, so far.
> 
> But I know it is coming, and pretty soon. My son is about to turn 11 and he's pulled away some from me already. We don't really have a lot of common interests, so that hasn't been super difficult. Disappointing but not super difficult. I know y'all have always been very active and close, so I do get it. Mine comes and goes, flutters away then comes closer, if you know what I mean. My arms always stay open. Always available to talk.
> 
> As far as the girls, I tried to let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. I've always been more hands off, in the background, providing constructive advice (both critical and supportive). Mom was usually more hands on and hovering and in their day to day business.
> 
> I'd say my relationship with both girls is pretty good. We will see how things turn out with my son.


You are right we have always done everything together.

I guess that is what makes this so hard.

He has never been a really big talker but now that he's 13 you can forget it.


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## Tron

What about shifting from the everyday stuff to a Saturday morning breakfast or lunch routine? 

Just the guys.


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## pastasauce79

I have an 11 year old boy and he's a daddy's boy. I know he pulls away sometimes when I'm at school and he's around his friends.

I got sad a month ago when I went to have lunch with both my kids and he didn't want me to have lunch with him. I understood and I wasn't mad, I was sad, but I knew it was coming. My husband got mad at him and told him he'd better appreciate he's got a mom that can go and have lunch with him when many kid's moms couldn't do it because of work or other stuff. He was sorry and next time he was ok having lunch with me again. 

I worry about middle school. It's coming and I'm terrified of the change! I trust my boy but it's so hard to let go! I understand your feelings 
completely. At the same time I remember my mom giving me advice, respecting my privacy and letting me go. I hope I can be as good as my mom was with me when I was a teenager. 

Hang in there! You are not alone feeling sad and anxious that your boy is growing up! It really hurts to realize how quickly time has passed by! It seems like yesterday when my boy took his first steps, now he's finishing elementary school! Sometimes I can't take it and I cry a little.... But then I see what a wonderful little man he is and it gives me the confidence that everything is going to be ok! 

Hang in there! Good luck to you and your son!!!


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## Tilted 1

Tell him you will respect him as a young man until the time he acts like a child you're going to treat him like one. And when you discipline him take him to the side and not in front of people. You have to do what you want him to do, set the example and give him some wisdom of what to look forward to don't solve all of his problems. 

Step back until he comes to you, and make him accountable for his errors. ( Don't bail him out) when he finds it cost him him something he'll quit it or do without.


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## karole

Be thankful you don't have a teenage girl! I love my daughter with all my heart, but between 13-16 years old, I was ready to ship her off to boarding school in a different state! LOL!


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## ButtPunch

karole said:


> Be thankful you don't have a teenage girl! I love my daughter with all my heart, but between 13-16 years old, I was ready to ship her off to boarding school in a different state! LOL!


IDK at least a teenage girl will talk to you. Let you know what is going on in her life.


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## brooklynAnn

karole said:


> Be thankful you don't have a teenage girl! I love my daughter with all my heart, but between 13-16 years old, I was ready to ship her off to boarding school in a different state! LOL!


🤣. I remembered those day. I swear I was going to have murder charges against me. I loved her one moment and wanted to strangle her the next. My husband said he never knew what he was coming home to. Now she is gone and I miss her like crazy. Enjoy your time together.


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## Tron

ButtPunch said:


> IDK at least a teenage girl will talk to you. Let you know what is going on in her life.


I burst out laughing when I read this.

My oldest daughter had a boyfriend in 11th grade for almost 9 months before we knew anything about him. And it isn't like she hadn't had boyfriends before.

My youngest daughter didn't talk much but didn't feel she ever needed to keep secrets. 

I think that we raised them both the same way. 

Each kid is different and it just totally depends on the kid and their personality. 

Just a suggestion, one of these days you might need to take off your "coach" hat if you want him to talk to you. IDK...maybe I'm off base.


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## aquarius1

Ah, the teen years. Young love, growing away from your parents...
It's tough to watch them stumble, try to fly and fall. 
You love them and never want them to hurt. But they have to in order to become whoever it is they are supposed to be.
Just support, keep your eyes open and try not to jump in (its tough)
Get to know their friends, have your house as the drop in centre. Helps you to know who they are hanging out with.

The forgetfulness is pretty normal. All part of brains re-wiring. It gets better...around 18 or so lol.


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## ButtPunch

The urge to snoop is so strong just after a couple a days.

I want to know what's going on in his life and asking him will just get me

"Don't be weird, Dad"

I will remain strong and stay away from his phone.


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## Mr The Other

ButtPunch said:


> I am the proud Father of a 13 yo son and I am having difficulty coping with him pulling away.
> 
> I do consider myself overprotective.
> 
> His pulling away has definitely triggered an anxiety response from me.
> 
> I try to guide him but he doesn't want to listen.
> 
> For instance, he has a gf and I tried to explain if you keep being short and blunt with her she
> is going to assume that you don't like her and don't want to talk to her and another little boy
> will come along and give her the attention she is craving.
> 
> I said this because I see it happening already. I guess I told him to protect him.
> 
> He is very forgetful and his Mom and I always stop what we are doing and go home and get his
> football pads or whatever it is he forgot.
> 
> Today I am going to make a change. I am going to stop reading and monitoring his texts. I am going
> to stop giving him unsolicited advice to help keep him from getting hurt.
> 
> Any parents out their with some advice to help me cope? The anxiety I feel is real as I didn't sleep last
> worried about my son and gf maybe be breaking up. How stupid is that?
> 
> Any books out there to help me let go?


Whilst you write very well, I feel your post of a teenager pulling away would have been well illustrated by:








A bear defecating in the wood








The Pope being Catholic.

He is meant to pull away. You are meant to find it hard and it is fine to find it hard.


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## Holdingontoit

You are never as stupid and unappreciated as when your children are teenagers.

You are never as wise and appreciated as when your children move out, get a job, get a paycheck, see how much is taken out in taxes and insurance, and then realize they have to pay rent on what is left over. And then realize that you have been doing this for them for 18 or 22 years or longer.

Reality is somewhere in between those poles. Do not let your self-worth depend on your reflection in a teenage child's eyes.


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## SpinyNorman

He learns from the consequences of little mistakes now so he doesn't make big mistakes later. If you protect him from all his little mistakes, you are failing to teach him.

Isn't 13 a bit young to have a girlfriend?


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## ButtPunch

SpinyNorman said:


> He learns from the consequences of little mistakes now so he doesn't make big mistakes later. If you protect him from all his little mistakes, you are failing to teach him.
> 
> Isn't 13 a bit young to have a girlfriend?


I think it is too young especially for a boy.

But alas he has one. I blame the school dance.

The little girl is adorable and I found myself hovering him so I
could help teach him how to treat the young lady.

My son would answer her open ended text questions with one word responses or 
wouldn't answer them at all and I was like trying to teach him that this might hurt her 
feelings. I finally had to walk away. I see why young girls date older guys.


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## Tilted 1

ButtPunch said:


> The urge to snoop is so strong just after a couple a days.
> 
> I want to know what's going on in his life and asking him will just get me
> 
> "Don't be weird, Dad"
> 
> I will remain strong and stay away from his phone.


Maybe if you don't know what it was like before text messaging, you talked and if someone like you son, doesn't want to tell you something he won't or chooses not to. As far as your addiction ( of wanting to see what he is saying) don't be that!! helicopter parent. Take off that app off so you don't have access to that. Don't you think you did a good job as a parent? If yes then you don't need to track your son. If your answer is no, why would you want to continue to screw it up more.


I am of a different era, where l lived life without my parents full involvement, and paid the price for mistakes have l did, have l embarrassed my parents sure. But as all things it passed and life continued. You can teach your son that you as a man who knows what lines you have crossed. And sure you can justify all of your actions with your son, but as a father and a man you should not.

My son, l made him accountable for all of his mistakes and is a great man dispite of mistakes l made as a father. And you will it can't be helped. Maybe this is your compulsion of why you think that you " can cut this off " before it get bad? Don't worry your son will also teach you how to be a Great Father. Just let it happen naturally. It's ok to fail ( I'm telling you BP) and when you ask forgiveness from your son when you make mistakes he will ( learn best by your example) hug you and tells you! It's ok dad, l forgive you. Then the next day it starts all over. 

Tilted


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## Tilted 1

ButtPunch said:


> I think it is too young especially for a boy.
> 
> But alas he has one. I blame the school dance.
> 
> The little girl is adorable and I found myself hovering him so I
> could help teach him how to treat the young lady.
> 
> My son would answer her open ended text questions with one word responses or
> wouldn't answer them at all and I was like trying to teach him that this might hurt her
> feelings. I finally had to walk away. I see why young girls date older guys.


But, what your doing unknowingly is pushing him towards the girl. He knows he's not ready, let life continue as it has between boy and girl. This is the dance you also did. And that one day it hits you ( you knew something was different) so will he.


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## Tron

Whatever you do GP, don't let your kid(s) get into motorcycles.

Good friend's son got hit by a car last night while he was riding in a nearby neighborhood. He's in a coma in ICU and they need a miracle. Great kid. I've known him since he was a couple of months old. 

This is 4 friends or relatives I've known that have had serious accidents on those damn things.


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## rockon

Tron said:


> Whatever you do GP, don't let your kid(s) get into motorcycles.
> 
> Good friend's son got hit by a car last night while he was riding in a nearby neighborhood. He's in a coma in ICU and they need a miracle. Great kid. I've known him since he was a couple of months old.
> 
> This is 4 friends or relatives I've known that have had serious accidents on those damn things.


Amen to this. When I was 14 I got a Yamaha YZ400 (400cc 2-stroke dirt bike). That thing was a beast! After one broken wrist and a broken leg my mom forced me to sell it. 

Didn't stop my love for motorcycles later in life!


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## aine

ButtPunch said:


> I am the proud Father of a 13 yo son and I am having difficulty coping with him pulling away.
> 
> I do consider myself overprotective.
> 
> His pulling away has definitely triggered an anxiety response from me.
> 
> I try to guide him but he doesn't want to listen.
> 
> For instance, he has a gf and I tried to explain if you keep being short and blunt with her she
> is going to assume that you don't like her and don't want to talk to her and another little boy
> will come along and give her the attention she is craving.
> 
> I said this because I see it happening already. I guess I told him to protect him.
> 
> He is very forgetful and his Mom and I always stop what we are doing and go home and get his
> football pads or whatever it is he forgot.
> 
> Today I am going to make a change. I am going to stop reading and monitoring his texts. I am going
> to stop giving him unsolicited advice to help keep him from getting hurt.
> 
> Any parents out their with some advice to help me cope? The anxiety I feel is real as I didn't sleep last
> worried about my son and gf maybe be breaking up. How stupid is that?
> 
> Any books out there to help me let go?



your son is becoming a young man. You have to let him make his own mistakes.
It sounds like you and your wife enable him and to my mind if he is old enough to have a GF then he is old enough to remember his stuff for school, sports etc.
Your job is to teach your son responsibiliy and accountability not lessons in love (time enough for that).
Do not carry his stuff to school if he forgets it. Remind him the night before, if he does not listen, let him deal with the consequences. We only learn through mistakes and making our way in the world. Wrapping him in cotton wool so he will not face consequences and not ever be hurt is going to create an entitled and irresponsible adult. 
Stop now.


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## SpinyNorman

ButtPunch said:


> I think it is too young especially for a boy.
> 
> But alas he has one. I blame the school dance.
> 
> The little girl is adorable and I found myself hovering him so I
> could help teach him how to treat the young lady.
> 
> My son would answer her open ended text questions with one word responses or
> wouldn't answer them at all and I was like trying to teach him that this might hurt her
> feelings. I finally had to walk away. I see why young girls date older guys.


He needs to learn how to deal w/ his peers on his own. If he asks you for advice, that's different.

And get a hobby. Something seems wrong when a grown man has the time for every mundane detail of a normal adolescent's social life.


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