# Can I ever forgive him?



## marriage1234567 (Jul 20, 2009)

I am an immigrant from a different country. I came to U.S. on a fiance visa. I have been married to my husband for over 3 years. For the past 3 years I had more humiliation and sadness in my marriage then happiness. My husband is much older then I am and has 15 years old son who has depression, anxiety, ADD and a bunch of other things like this. He has been very jealous of me for the last 3 years. My husband let this boy treat me like a peace of s... for the last 3 years. In front of all family this boy said to my husband that he needs to use condoms so I dont get pregnant because he wants to be the only child. During my husband's birthday party at the restaurant when we were having dinner with my husband's family he said to me that I am not allowed to call my husband when they go on a cruise because he wants to enjoy spending time with his dad. I coudnt believe that he said all this horrible things to me and when - in front of the whole family. I was so depressed and sad and coudnt stop crying. And if I would say something to him or my husband that it is inappropriate to speak to me like this, my husband would say that he is going to divorce me and ship me back to my country because the wellbeing and happiness of his son is the number one priority for him. He would discuss me with his friends and his ex wife wire e mail, on the phone, on facebook. And then he would say to me that his friends and his son's mom tell him to divorce me and ship me back to my country like I am a subject that he used for a while and doesnt need anymore and can return any time he wants to. Last month the conditions on my residence in US was removed and I even applied for citizenship. Since that my husband attitude changed dramatically. He tells me everyday how much he loves me and I am the best wife in the world and I am so beautiful and he doesnt bother me with his son anymore, he doesnt say anymore that he will divorce me and will ship me back to my country because he has no right to do so anymore. He is afraid to lose me because I do not depend on him anymore as I am a permanent resident of this country. I loved him so much, worshipped him. And now I dont know if I ever can forgive him for treating me this way for 3 years and letting his son to treat me the same way. I had never ever had to go to psychotherapist and had never ever had to take prescription drugs for anxiety and depression and now they are my best friends. I went through hell for the past 3 years and would never ever want anyone to go through what I went through. I just want to get some opinions what people think about my story because I dont have any close friends to speak to and my mom doesnt know anything about it because I didnt want her to worry about me and cry. How can I live with this man? Is it even possible? I have so much anger inside me.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

That your husband allows his son to treat you badly is a sign you married the wrong man. 
I could get into a long winded thing here but common courtesy should be a requirment of how his son treats you. If he does not put a stop to his son treating you badly, I feel you should leave your husband as he isn't much of a husband if he allows anyone to mistreat you.
I don't know how it's possible to be happy or have any kind of a marriage under the circumstances and only women who were "stuck" would even tolerate bad treatment in this situation you describe. Your husband is not being a husband.

I have a adult stepdaughter who is immature and verbally abusive, my husband put an end to it and told her she is respectful or she is not in his life. She has a choice and he will not tolerate her abuse. 
If he allowed it, I'd divorce.


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