# Never thought I would post here



## 4kidsforme (Apr 13, 2009)

I have been married almost 13 years with 4 young kids. My husband and I met and married and had our first child within a year. We quickly added 3 more (willingly I might add!). We fought a lot at first and finally things started to turn around for the better. We worked through many issues and came through each one stronger. We filed bankruptcy, then another financial mess. His mom caused many many fights in our marriage. Things finally started to look good for us. We built up a good savings, his mom and I are getting along. The kids are starting to not be so dependant. Tuesday, he left me a dz roses on the table just because he loved me. Then wednesday I come home from work at midnight to find him next door at my MIL's house with some girl! Yes, a 20yr old girl! He said she was just a friend and nothing happened.. she just needed a shoulder and had no one else here. Then thursday, he said he had an errand to run and he goes with her for 6 hrs! Yes, he admitted it to! Then friday, while I was at work, the kids slipped and told me he was with her. I came home and sure enough.. he packed a bag and left to go to her house. Still insisting nothing happened. HE did tell me he had feelings for her but she moved back to her home state today anyway.

But he is now saying he doesnt love me and never did. Well, he does love me but isnt crazy in love with me like I deserve. He says he doesnt want to work things out and I offered couseling but he says he will say the same thing, that its over.

I am not ready for that. This whole thing blindsided me 100%! I love him and want this marriage to work and I dont even know what to do. He wont even talk to me!

How do I try and fix this?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I don't have advice, but I want to tell you I'm really sorry you are suffering like this now. You will probably get different advice, so read it all; lots of people see things we cannot when we are trapped in the middle of something. I would also encourage you to get to a counselor tomorrow, if possible, or as soon as you can, and to forget about doing anything while you are in a state of shock and panic. Get whatever help you can with the kids, a friend or sister to come and stay with you if possible, and just try to breathe deeply and remind yourself you are the strong mother of 4 and you will get through this, no matter what. You don't need to do or think anything else except get a lawyer ASAP to protect your assets. Right now, and for the next few days and even weeks, that is all. Don't try to do too much. He's not ready and you are not ready. Protect yourself, take care of yourself, and other things will get straightened out, one way or another.


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## 4kidsforme (Apr 13, 2009)

Well he is saying he wont do anything that will hurt the kids. He said I can continue to have his paycheck to pay the bills. He was sincere in that. He offered to watch the kids like normal and do what he always has done. I do think he will follow through with that. 

I offered him counseling and he said he would do it but tell them the same thing that he told me. That he never really was in love with me. 

I just dont know how to do it alone... him right next door is making things worse  My priority is my kids and I will do what I need to. But i just dont know how to do it  I married my DH at age 20! Oh man, I am just devastated and crushed and hurt and angry all rolled into one.


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