# Why marry somebody?



## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Why did she marry me, promise the world and say her vows to then cheat on me with 1 of my best friends and then become besotted with the tosser as we moved to Australia and when we got there 

Why break somebodies heart you claim to cherish and love


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Because you were running lines of cocaine, drinking, and totally absent in the relationship.
And because she wanted to and doesn’t have a lot of character.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Because you were running lines of cocaine, drinking, and totally absent in the relationship.
> And because she wanted to and doesn’t have a lot of character.


So she is a scumbag then? I’m planning my revenge on him and it won’t be nice for him at all. But at least he won’t ever be able to ruining anybody else’s life when I leave


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

TBY1 said:


> So she is a scumbag then? I’m planning my revenge on him and it won’t be nice for him at all. But at least he won’t ever be able to ruining anybody else’s life when I leave


The best revenge is getting yourself a new and happier life with a younger and more attractive woman. Don't let your anger destroy your future.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> The best revenge is getting yourself a new and happier life with a younger and more attractive woman.


I’ve had threats for the past 2 years from him and his mates that used to be my friends! I’ve done nothing wrong, he gave my wife drugs coke and drink and she thinks the world shines out his arse! Who changes all there passwords to hers and his surnames? 
He is getting done and soon 

That’s how it should be handled 

Doesn’t love me but cares for me bollox! We was fine until that ****ing night before we left for our new life in Australia


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## Skookaroo (Jul 12, 2021)

^^^All of this is more evidence that you have a pattern of making poor choices, which you are consistently guilty of, in the opinion of many on your other thread.

Stop acting like a child. Take accountability for the things you’ve done to hurt her. Don’t seek revenge. It never pays. Focus on improving yourself instead of making everything worse. 🤦🏼‍♀️


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TBY1 said:


> So she is a scumbag then? I’m planning my revenge on him and it won’t be nice for him at all. But at least he won’t ever be able to ruining anybody else’s life when I leave


I hope you don't do anything stupid. Revenge is always a terrible idea.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> The best revenge is getting yourself a new and happier life with a younger and more attractive woman. Don't let your anger destroy your future.


Well said.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Skookaroo said:


> ^^^All of this is more evidence that you have a pattern of making poor choices, which you are consistently guilty of, in the opinion of many on your other thread.
> 
> Stop acting like a child. Take accountability for the things you’ve done to hurt her. Don’t seek revenge. It never pays. Focus on improving yourself instead of making everything worse. 🤦🏼‍♀️


I’ve taken account of what I’ve done! But I never cheated and destroyed another person! 
that is not on


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

TBY1 said:


> I’ve taken account of what I’ve done! But I never cheated and destroyed another person!
> that is not on


Post #3 and post #5 suggest that's exactly what you are planning to do.
You can't control another person, if other people don't behave the way you like, it's time to move on.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Post #3 and post #5 suggest that's exactly what you are planning to do.
> You can't control another person, if other people don't behave the way you like, it's time to move on.


He was my friend and knew how much I loved my wife! I won’t ever forget or forgive his betrayal and then his threats since cos he didn’t want it getting out


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

TBY1 said:


> He was my friend and knew how much I loved my wife! I won’t ever forget or forgive his betrayal and then his threats since cos he didn’t want it getting out


Yeah, my best pal helped my wife load up the car and keep lookout while she was abducting my kids. Betrayal is what 'best pals' do with your wife. Wive's also like to cheat with your friends as it destroys your friendships.

I've found it best to completely avoid any male friends meeting my wife, and I also avoid meeting their wives. No need for them to visit your home, or you to visit their home.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Yeah, my best pal helped my wife load up the car and keep lookout while she was abducting my kids.
> Betrayal is what 'best pals' do with your wife.
> Best way is to never let anyone know where you live, and NEVER take other men back to your home, or introduce them to your wife.
> Wive's also like to cheat with your friends as it destroys your friendships.


I don’t tell anybody where I live anymore or even which part of a country I’m in. I have stopped giving my phone number to everybody but family. I trust nobody. But guess what she gave him my new number recently and said to block me - unbelievable


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Yeah, my best pal helped my wife load up the car and keep lookout while she was abducting my kids. Betrayal is what 'best pals' do with your wife. Wive's also like to cheat with your friends as it destroys your friendships.
> 
> I've found it best to completely avoid any male friends meeting my wife, and I also avoid meeting their wives. No need for them to visit your home, or you to visit their home.


Thankfully most best friends and wives arent like that.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

TBY1 said:


> He was my friend and knew how much I loved my wife! I won’t ever forget or forgive his betrayal and then his threats since cos he didn’t want it getting out
> View attachment 77941


You can't even go and watch Spurs now...


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Just move on. Why hold on to the hate and anger? All it will do is destroy you.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Just move on. Why hold on to the hate and anger? All it will do is destroy you.


Why should I move on and allow some ex friend to get away with ruining my marriage? He needs to pay for wrecking my happiness


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TBY1 said:


> Why should I move on and allow some ex friend to get away with ruining my marriage? He needs to pay for wrecking my happiness


Will making him "pay" get your marriage back? Would you even want your marriage back? Why allow your exwife and former friend continue to control your life? You could be using all that energy and thought into bettering your life.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Will making him "pay" get your marriage back? Would you even want your marriage back? Why allow your exwife and former friend continue to control your life? You could be using all that energy and thought into bettering your life.


Regardless I never let anybody get away with mugging me off or in this situation destroying the trust in my marriage


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Will making him "pay" get your marriage back? Would you even want your marriage back? Why allow your exwife and former friend continue to control your life? You could be using all that energy and thought into bettering your life.


Regardless I never let anybody get away with mugging me off or in this situation destroying the trust in my marriage


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

If you are going to make somebody pay seriously, make also sure you remove your picture from here...


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> If you are going to make somebody pay seriously, make also sure you remove your picture from here...


I don’t care about getting caught as it will more than likely be big news what I’ll do. I want people to know it’s not acceptable to **** me over


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## Skookaroo (Jul 12, 2021)

TBY1 said:


> I’ve taken account of what I’ve done! But I never cheated and destroyed another person!
> that is not on


You just said above you haven’t done anything wrong and you haven’t cheated. Bogus. You are guilty of financial infidelity, recklessness, and taking her for granted.

Now you’re letting your hurt and anger control your actions in a way that will undoubtedly make your life so much worse.

Let your wife and a-hole friend go. The best revenge is living a happy, healthy life, free of hate and anger. You will never find peace if you seek to control others’ actions the way you’ve been doing.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Skookaroo said:


> You just said above you haven’t done anything wrong and you haven’t cheated. Bogus. You are guilty of financial infidelity, recklessness, and taking her for granted.
> 
> Now you’re letting your hurt and anger control your actions in a way that will undoubtedly make your life so much worse.
> 
> Let your wife and a-hole friend go. The best revenge is living a happy, healthy life, free of hate and anger. You will never find peace if you seek to control others’ actions the way you’ve been doing.


I don’t agree that what I ever did allows or allows him the possibility of ruining our marriage. His actions have had a severe impact on my mental health and even my wife’s so much so we have been to hell and back. Nothing I did has caused us such a problem. I’ve addressed all my problems and am doing something productive about not making any of those again. But I will not allow some scumbag who caused this to get away with being disgusting to my wife and disrespecting me and and my marriage 
I’m in 2 minds just now whether I should even try and make things better with her or just move out, at 4 am this morning I was ready to sign the divorce papers she had the cheek to give me! 
today I’ve not messaged or spoken to her once, I’ll get home from work at 530 and I’ll be going out at 6 for my evening job, no doubt she will try and engage conversation with me but I will respond with limited words and then I’ll be out until 1030 and then I’m taking a drive to an ex friends


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Yes you should sign the divorce papers. Then move out of your father in laws. Never look back.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TBY1 said:


> Why should I move on and allow some ex friend to get away with ruining my marriage? He needs to pay for wrecking my happiness


Why him and not her? She was the one married to you.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Why him and not her? She was the one married to you.


I don’t love him I love her and why I married her


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

TBY1 said:


> Why should I move on and allow some ex friend to get away with ruining my marriage? He needs to pay for wrecking my happiness


It takes 2 to wreck a marriage…in your case, 3.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You really need to get some help. You’re in a lot of pain and although I have no problem with revenge, it’s not wise to think your life will really improve and if you do something illegal, you’re next relationship may involve a big guy named Biff.

Sign the divorce papers, work on yourself and rebuilding your life. Forget your cheating wife.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> You really need to get some help. You’re in a lot of pain and although I have no problem with revenge, it’s not wise to think your life will really improve and if you do something illegal, you’re next relationship may involve a big guy named Biff.
> 
> Sign the divorce papers, work on yourself and rebuilding your life. Forget your cheating wife.


Biff??


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TBY1 said:


> I don’t agree that what I ever did allows or allows him the possibility of ruining our marriage. His actions have had a severe impact on my mental health and even my wife’s so much so we have been to hell and back. Nothing I did has caused us such a problem. I’ve addressed all my problems and am doing something productive about not making any of those again. But I will not allow some scumbag who caused this to get away with being disgusting to my wife and disrespecting me and and my marriage
> I’m in 2 minds just now whether I should even try and make things better with her or just move out, at 4 am this morning I was ready to sign the divorce papers she had the cheek to give me!
> today I’ve not messaged or spoken to her once, I’ll get home from work at 530 and I’ll be going out at 6 for my evening job, no doubt she will try and engage conversation with me but I will respond with limited words and then I’ll be out until 1030 and then I’m taking a drive to an ex friends


This is starting to make me angry.

You are ONLY seeing things like this because now YOU are the one in pain instead of the one inflicting pain with your actions...believe me, YOU created just as much hurt and damage with your drug use than she did, and what is happening to you now is called CONSEQUENCES. Your view right now is just too self-centered and entitled to see that at all, and it doesn't sound like you care very much about anyone else's feelings except your own either.

ALL of your posts sound like you are in a fantasy about what is really happening for you and your wife. What do you mean, "she had the cheek" to give you divorce papers...?? I'm pretty sure people don't do something that drastic just to be manipulative - if she is really wanting to get divorced, you have nothing to hang on to.

And I've heard very little self-reflection from you. You are bouncing all over the place emotionally and mentally. That is how to FAIL at reconciling and reconnecting after any betrayal, and also how to fail at having a successful relationship at all.

My advice is that you DO sign the divorce papers, so you can both move on and put the dysfunction and pain of your relationship behind you, and then work on living your life making better choices. You can always try to reconnect with her after you both get some space and healing from the pain you've caused eachother...but I don't see any chance for a healthy relationship the way things are with you both right now.


And as a little extra observation...you seem to really struggle with not getting what you want, when you want it...which is an inability to delay gratification. And this makes sense, because it is an almost universal issue with all drug users/addicts. 
Some of your posts sound like you feel almost frantically entitled to getting what you want...and that's a very destructive mindset. I think it might be helpful for you to bring that up in your counseling sessions and see if there is any truth or merit to my observation.


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

you didnt sign papers because you are planning forgive her and build a new life and new friends? what if she does the same thing with your new friends or boss?
the woman is telling she doesn't care for you and doesn't love. 
Be the Alpha male and drop her then build a better life.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> This is starting to make me angry.
> 
> You are ONLY seeing things like this because now YOU are the one in pain instead of the one inflicting pain with your actions...believe me, YOU created just as much hurt and damage with your drug use than she did, and what is happening to you now is called CONSEQUENCES. Your view right now is just too self-centered and entitled to see that at all, and it doesn't sound like you care very much about anyone else's feelings except your own either.
> 
> ...


I didn’t get married for it to fail, I don’t like failing in anything in life! Especially at the most important thing in my life! My marriage and my wife! I idolise her and adore her, she doesn’t believe me and I can’t understand why and what I can do to show her!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TBY1 said:


> I didn’t get married for it to fail, I don’t like failing in anything in life! Especially at the most important thing in my life! My marriage and my wife! I idolise her and adore her, she doesn’t believe me and I can’t understand why and what I can do to show her!


You aren't LISTENING to what anyone is saying to you...you aren't SEEING your situation honestly or accurately.

You have no chance at succeeding at anything, especially not a relationship, if you are unable to be accountable for your actions, and deal with your consequences.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Did you at least get to keep the Mercedes?


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> You aren't LISTENING to what anyone is saying to you...you aren't SEEING your situation honestly or accurately.
> 
> You have no chance at succeeding at anything, especially not a relationship, if you are unable to be accountable for your actions, and deal with your consequences.


My actions??? I constantly help, support and try my hardest with her and being a nicer person! I’m not the 1 who cheated I promised myself I wouldn’t ever do it to her and even more so when she was my wife because I wanted her to believe I love and want only her


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Trident said:


> Did you at least get to keep the Mercedes?


Well we only bought it 3 weeks ago and neither of us are moving out anytime soon, so it’s a question that doesn’t and won’t need answering


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Trident said:


> Did you at least get to keep the Mercedes?


Also it was in June she gave me those pointless papers! I’ve done nothing about them and neither has she. I’ve ignored them as i don’t agree with her absurd reasons


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

TBY1 said:


> it’s a question that doesn’t and won’t need answering


You'll need to answer it sooner or later. 

You can only bury your head in the sand for so long.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TBY1 said:


> Why should I move on and allow some ex friend to get away with ruining my marriage? He needs to pay for wrecking my happiness


Because every time you do something to him, or spend energy on him, you are hurting yourself. It's like taking poison in hopes that the other person dies.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TBY1 said:


> Why should I move on and allow some ex friend to get away with ruining my marriage? He needs to pay for wrecking my happiness


It's your wife who chose to cheat. He did not cheat on you. He's not a friend, but he did take marry you and promise to be faithful. She did.

You ruined your own marriage with drugs, being financially irresponsible, and not being able to hold a job. Now you are going to ruin it further by obsessing over someone who was not really a friend.

People do this all the time, they put their focus on the affair partner and not on their spouse to cheated on them... and not on their own contribution to the failure of their own marriage.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Skookaroo said:


> ^^^All of this is more evidence that you have a pattern of making poor choices, which you are consistently guilty of, in the opinion of many on your other thread.
> 
> Stop acting like a child. Take accountability for the things you’ve done to hurt her. Don’t seek revenge. It never pays. Focus on improving yourself instead of making everything worse. 🤦🏼‍♀️


Yeah, all of this here, take this advice because it's really good.

I read a bit of your previous thread, and TBH, I think that you and your wife are better apart. She's a cheater, and you don't deserve that; you're an addict, and she doesn't deserve that. Make better choices, don't seek revenge because nothing good can come of that. Personally, I hope that someone in your real life knows that you're going to go after this guy; I feel like you need to be reported to authorities.


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## Gonna (Jul 22, 2019)

You come off like such a beta, makes sense why this has happened to you. The revenge mindset you are in makes it all the more obvious and will get you nowhere, maybe the hospital, cause thats where beta boys go after alpha men beat em up. 

Time to grow up and act like a real man, not some immature, revenge seeking boy.

Let em both go and move on, that is what an alpha man would do.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Ursula said:


> Yeah, all of this here, take this advice because it's really good.
> 
> I read a bit of your previous thread, and TBH, I think that you and your wife are better apart. She's a cheater, and you don't deserve that; you're an addict, and she doesn't deserve that. Make better choices, don't seek revenge because nothing good can come of that. Personally, I hope that someone in your real life knows that you're going to go after this guy; I feel like you need to be reported to authorities.


You would allow somebody to ruin your marriage and then threaten you that if you attend football matches for your team you’ll be put in an ambulance and you’d accept that? Of course not 
I will have my day! He deserves it for giving my wife cocaine and then taking advantage of her


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

TBY1 said:


> You would allow somebody to ruin your marriage and then threaten you that if you attend football matches for your team you’ll be put in an ambulance and you’d accept that? Of course not
> I will have my day! He deserves it for giving my wife cocaine and then taking advantage of her


You can’t bear to accept that your wife was a willing participant and that she really wants to divorce you. I get it. But ignoring reality won’t get your wife to love you again.

what’s your revenge plan? How are you going to exact your revenge? Whether she participated or not, he’s a snake.


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## Skookaroo (Jul 12, 2021)

TBY1 said:


> You would allow somebody to ruin your marriage and then threaten you that if you attend football matches for your team you’ll be put in an ambulance and you’d accept that? Of course not
> I will have my day! He deserves it for giving my wife cocaine and then taking advantage of her


There’s no “allowing” happening. This “friend” has agency and used it to be an a-hole.

You 👏🏻 Cannot 👏🏻Control 👏🏻Other 👏🏻People.

Like said above, your wife was a willing participant. This dude didn’t ruin your marriage. It was already in the crapper, and that’s why she strayed. (Not condoning cheating)

You will not “have your day” because you’re unwilling to listen to anyone’s sane advice here that you were originally desperately seeking.


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## Skookaroo (Jul 12, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> This is starting to make me angry.
> 
> You are ONLY seeing things like this because now YOU are the one in pain instead of the one inflicting pain with your actions...believe me, YOU created just as much hurt and damage with your drug use than she did, and what is happening to you now is called CONSEQUENCES. Your view right now is just too self-centered and entitled to see that at all, and it doesn't sound like you care very much about anyone else's feelings except your own either.
> 
> ...


Straight truth


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TBY1 said:


> You would allow somebody to ruin your marriage and then threaten you that if you attend football matches for your team you’ll be put in an ambulance and you’d accept that? Of course not
> I will have my day! He deserves it for giving my wife cocaine and then taking advantage of her


What do you plan to do to this guy? Beat him up or worse?


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Skookaroo said:


> There’s no “allowing” happening. This “friend” has agency and used it to be an a-hole.
> 
> You 👏🏻 Cannot 👏🏻Control 👏🏻Other 👏🏻People.
> 
> ...


He plied her with Cocaine and took advantage of her! She was anxious and scared about moving to Australia and probably pissed off with my behaviour that night. But I can assure you she was all over me and happy when I arrived at the venue, if we hadn’t got split up then the situation would never have happened. 
why won’t I have my day due to not listening to advice? It’s destroying him that is going to make my day?


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

TBY1 said:


> You would allow somebody to ruin your marriage and then threaten you that if you attend football matches for your team you’ll be put in an ambulance and you’d accept that? Of course not
> I will have my day! He deserves it for giving my wife cocaine and then taking advantage of her


What I would do is this: get myself into therapy so that I can be the happy person that I deserve to be. Once I'm happy in my own life, I would find a decent person to share that life with, and I would build a happy life with that person. I had a crappy marriage too, and was emotionally and mentally abused in it. I got out in 2017, fully divorced in 2018, and I've been in a happy, stable, healthy relationship for 2.5 years now. My XH is still single. While I don't wish for him to live a lonely life, it also makes me smile a bit to know that I wasn't the huge problem in our marriage that he said that I was, and that I can make a relationship work really well.

You'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar. But, it's your choice, and it sounds like you want to choose vengeance and you want to get back at this person. You will probably end up in jail if you do this, but if you choose this path, jail is where you belong.


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## TBY1 (Aug 23, 2021)

Ursula said:


> What I would do is this: get myself into therapy so that I can be the happy person that I deserve to be. Once I'm happy in my own life, I would find a decent person to share that life with, and I would build a happy life with that person. I had a crappy marriage too, and was emotionally and mentally abused in it. I got out in 2017, fully divorced in 2018, and I've been in a happy, stable, healthy relationship for 2.5 years now. My XH is still single. While I don't wish for him to live a lonely life, it also makes me smile a bit to know that I wasn't the huge problem in our marriage that he said that I was, and that I can make a relationship work really well.
> 
> You'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar. But, it's your choice, and it sounds like you want to choose vengeance and you want to get back at this person. You will probably end up in jail if you do this, but if you choose this path, jail is where you belong.


I moved out at the weekend and now in an air b n b and I feel so much better already


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Holy ****ing ego Batman!!!!! Yes, he ****ed your wife. Did he put a gun to her head? NO. She made the choice to do coke and **** him. Yes it sucks. Does it kick your ego in the ****? YES and hard. Yes he slapped his 2 inch pecker on the table and dared you to whip yours out. You are pissed EVERYBODY on here gets that. Would it feel good to pound him into the ground? ABSOLUTELY, for a time. Then the consequences of what you do will bite you in the ass, which from what I gather isn't something you deal too well with. 

I know with what is going through your head right now, you think the best thing is to hurt this guy. I think you feel it with every single fiber of your being. I promise you that in the long run that the best thing you can do for YOU AND YOUR WIFE is to work on yourself and have her work on herself so the healing can begin. Take a deep breath, go for a run until you drop and try to gain some perspective. You need to think long term here not short. Short term thinking is the hallmark of an immature child. Are you an immature child?


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

TBY1 said:


> I moved out at the weekend and now in an air b n b and I feel so much better already


I apologize for my comment. I had not yet seen this while I began writing my post.


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