# Would You Date A Pregnant Person (let's assume the pregnant person is female :) )



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

As is usual, I get a lot of my "what's going on in relationship world" from the stupid people who call up the radio station doing the blown off segment lol. So today's call, Dude/Dudette go on a date, she drives both of them (she said she doesn't drink so it would be easier). After the date he was waiting in the car (she had to run into the store quickly), and her car was a mess. He notices that on the floor in the back is a used pregnancy test showing a positive ... He didn't confront her after that, and just decided that since the date was over he would just move on. The interesting part, when this got brought up on the Radio, she claimed that it was a first date so he had no need to know this info, in part because she wasn't 100% sure she was pregnant (the test was positive but she hadn't actually gone to the doctor yet). The DJs asked if she was still involved with the father to which she said she wasn't sure yet who the father was ... yikes ...

Anyways, so this got me thinking, regardless of how asinine this call was:

1) Would you date someone who was pregnant (not of your own doing)? 

2) Should this information be disclosed on a first date (or even beforehand so the person can decide if they still want to go on the date)?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

1) nope.
2) yep.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Guys, you shouldn't date anyone who has a used pregnancy test floating around in her car. Because, ewww.

Seriously?!?! Who does that?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Rowan said:


> Guys, you shouldn't date anyone who has a used pregnancy test floating around in her car. Because, ewww.
> 
> Seriously?!?! Who does that?


Seriously. I doubt this story was even real.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Rowan said:


> Guys, you shouldn't date anyone who has a used pregnancy test floating around in her car. Because, ewww.
> 
> Seriously?!?! Who does that?





SecondTime'Round said:


> Seriously. I doubt this story was even real.


Which begs the question, where was the test administered ...

Agreed with STR though, story struck me as a bit too odd to be real ...


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Sorry folks, but I couldn't exactly bring myself to date a pregnant woman ... or a man!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *Sorry folks, but I couldn't exactly bring myself to date a pregnant woman ... or a man!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Even if it was Arnold???


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Even if it was Arnold???


*@Ellis ~ I'd be so afraid that something would pop out of there that would make the movie Alien look like a veritable picnic!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I saw that movie on my very first date with my wife.

Edit: she was not pregnant at the time.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

1) Nope

2) I would think so, but I highly doubt hey would.


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## Ol'Pal (Aug 24, 2015)

Couldn't do it.

and yes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

In the situation you posted... the guy should run.

I have a friend who dated a pregnant woman. She had been living with the father of her child. But he walked out on her as soon as he found out she was pregnant. My friend and she got along great. He was devastated when she decided to move to move back home to another state so that she would have support with her child from her family.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Well, at least you'd know she puts out


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

That's trailer trash divided by zero.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I would really want to know if she took the test in the car.

I would want to know how far unto decon I would need to go


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> In the situation you posted... the guy should run.
> 
> I have a friend who dated a pregnant woman. She had been living with the father of her child. But he walked out on her as soon as he found out she was pregnant. My friend and she got along great. He was devastated when she decided to move to move back home to another state so that she would have support with her child from her family.


I wonder for the relationships that start while one person is pregnant, how often they actually succeed/last? I can't imagine trying to balance pregnancy or bringing in a new person into your life along with trying to make a relationship grow with someone you just met.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I can imagine this story being true. There are a lot of things that people inappropriately classify as none of your business. 

As for dating a guy whith kids or who knows that someone is about to have his baby, yes I would want to know before even the first date. 

Would I want to date him while waiting for the birth of his child, no I wouldn't. Not seriously anyway.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I can't imagine dating a pregnant woman. Too much baggage and too much assumed cost that I wasn't responsible for. I get that may sound crass, but I would not 'pay' for another man's child....


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

naiveonedave said:


> I can't imagine dating a pregnant woman. Too much baggage and too much assumed cost that I wasn't responsible for. I get that may sound crass, but I would not 'pay' for another man's child....



there's nothing crass about it. If it were common that men happily dated pregnant women, more women would carelessly get pregnant.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

Interesting question. I am a woman and wonder what pregnant women would do.

If you (general you - not you specifically) are pregnant, would you tell a potential date that you are pregnant before the first date? Or tell him during the first date or later?


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Well, at least you'd know she puts out


You forgot to add the cymbal crash...


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

No, not seriously

I think telling would be the respectful thing to do.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> 1) Would you date someone who was pregnant (not of your own doing)?
> 
> If I were a guy, No.
> 
> ...


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I think a woman who is pregnant but not with the father, especially in the early stages of pregnancy would have to be especially on guard if she was actually looking for a serious relationship. There are plenty of guys who would be willing to have sex with her, and would be able to use all kinds of lines about taking care of her and the baby and being the knight in shining armour to get into her pants. Given the likely emotional turmoil in her life, she would be especially susceptible, but would likely not consider that most stable guys with any self respect, and desire for a drama reduced relationship would not become involved with her.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Seriously. I doubt this story was even real.


I'm waiting for the punch line.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

No.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> No.


Come on you can come up with a more sarcastic answer.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Well, at least you'd know she puts out


Good point and you ask her if she wanted to go half on another one>


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> Which begs the question, where was the test administered ...
> 
> Agreed with STR though, story struck me as a bit too odd to be real ...


I totally buy it! I could have been this woman...cept I knew who my baby daddy was.

When I was dating DH, I was going out with a friend from work for her impromptu tiny bachelorette party. I knew I was going to be drinking because...well, party. 

We weren't using BC and I was a couple days late, yet I was always irregular so this wasn't cause for concern yet. It wasn't uncommon for me to even skip a month or two, but I just had a feeling. 

So, I stopped at a pharmacy on the way to the club and bought a test. Took it in the bathroom and found out that I would not be drinking that night because I was expecting who would turn out to be my super cute and cool son.

I didn't leave the test in the car, though, but I'm a tidy type person. Point is, the woman in the story could have had a similar experience...going out, have a feeling, take a test impulsively...


If I was a guy, would I date or marry someone who was pregnant by someone else? Probably not because that seems like a boatload of drama waiting to happen. But I'd never say never.

If I were pregnant and dating, I would tell my date as soon as possible. 

I know one guy who dated a woman pregnant by someone else. She had just found out and she told him the first night they hung out together. Apparently, she conceived just before she and her ex split and he had no plans to be involved with her life during the pregnancy or the child after the birth. She and my friend eventually married and had 3 more kids. Their marriage is a disaster. Plagued by months of perfection and then months of insanity due to repeated infidelity (both) and disagreements on lifestyle and responsibility.

I honestly don't think my friend would have married her if it wasn't for the pregnancy. By the time the shiny new relationship wore off and he was thinking "RUN!" he was already very attached to the baby and wanted to be there for the child.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

naiveonedave said:


> I can't imagine dating a pregnant woman. Too much baggage and too much assumed cost that I wasn't responsible for. I get that may sound crass, but I would not 'pay' for another man's child....


Urp? How would you be paying for another man's child? A single pregnant woman would still be expected to support herself. There shouldn't be any assumed costs for the guy dating her.

Now, if the dating period went well and there was a marriage there would be increased costs. Housing with an extra bedroom and increased kid related utility use, household items the kid uses, the clothing and entertainment costs all go up. Presumably, the mother and bio father would be covering the increase caused by their child.

Would you date a single mother or divorced mother with an established child share and support routine?

My bio father wasn't involved and I was raised and supported by my mom's SO. Unfortunately, my ex hasn't been involved since shortly after the divorce when he moved out of state and my girls have been supported and raised by my DH since they were 6 and 1. They're 22 and 17 now.

I have a LOT in common with my Dad because he raised me. In some ways, I am more like him than my younger siblings, who are his bio kids.

My eldest is much like me and my younger daughter is much like her step-dad. Honestly, when my girls are in trouble most often they call their step dad rather than me because he's more understanding and sympathetic than I can be when upset. 

I may be a hypocrite. I was raised by a step parent figure that I love. My daughters are being raised by a step parent they love. I have much love and respect for step parents who go above and beyond to care for children that they didn't make and have no obligation to when the bio parent has abdicated. And I have much respect for step parents who raise kids that have the bio parent involved because that brings a whole nother bunch of issues. Yet I am pretty sure I couldn't do it. I'm not sure I am made to cope with all that comes from raising step-kids.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Maybe it's not her baby??


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> Urp? How would you be paying for another man's child? A single pregnant woman would still be expected to support herself. There shouldn't be any assumed costs for the guy dating her.
> 
> Now, if the dating period went well and there was a marriage there would be increased costs. Housing with an extra bedroom and increased kid related utility use, household items the kid uses, the clothing and entertainment costs all go up. Presumably, the mother and bio father would be covering the increase caused by their child.
> 
> ...


If said baby was not mine and I ended up marrying said pregnant woman, how on earth would I not be spending my money on someone else's kid?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

naiveonedave said:


> If said baby was not mine and I ended up marrying said pregnant woman, how on earth would I not be spending my money on someone else's kid?


By saying "No." If you don't want to spend your money on a step-child then you don't have to. Your financial arrangement with the mother can be set up so that she and her child's father cover all child related additional household expenses. It's not uncommon for couples to keep separate finances and to divide up the bills based on their individual ability and needs.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MJJEAN said:


> By saying "No." If you don't want to spend your money on a step-child then you don't have to. Your financial arrangement with the mother can be set up so that she and her child's father cover all child related additional household expenses. It's not uncommon for couples to keep separate finances and to divide up the bills based on their individual ability and needs.



How old are you?


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> By saying "No." If you don't want to spend your money on a step-child then you don't have to. Your financial arrangement with the mother can be set up so that she and her child's father cover all child related additional household expenses. It's not uncommon for couples to keep separate finances and to divide up the bills based on their individual ability and needs.


you are naïve. When married, how could you not support step children financially? It would be too much effort to be worth the pain and resentment you would get for being a 'miser' or not 'supportive' enough. If you had kids as a couple, say 3 years later, how would child 1 react to $10/year in xmas gifts relative to $50 for child 2?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> How old are you?


40. And, yes, I've been married, divorced, and remarried with kids.



naiveonedave said:


> you are naïve. When married, how could you not support step children financially? It would be too much effort to be worth the pain and resentment you would get for being a 'miser' or not 'supportive' enough. If you had kids as a couple, say 3 years later, how would child 1 react to $10/year in xmas gifts relative to $50 for child 2?


If you were up front about not wanting to support another man's child and the lady continued the relationship, I'd think she was ok with you not wanting to support another man's child. She would have no cause to charge you with being miserly or "not supportive".

As far as Christmas, you can buy the kid gifts as you would any friend or family member or you could arrange to divvy up the purchases however you want.

I don't know anyone on their original marriage except one friend with 9 kids. Everyone else is in a step-parent situation.

My sister has a total of 6 kids. 3 are hers from a previous relationship. 2 are her DH's from a previous relationship (they have full custody). 1 together. Sister and her ex buy for their 3, BIL and his ex buy for their 2, my sister and BIL buy for the shared child. They co-ordinate so that the spending is roughly equal. They split household bills down the middle. Clothing and personal things the kids need are paid for by the bio parents out of their personal funds.

My friend, C, has 4 kids. 3 from her first marriage, 1 from her second marriage. Her live in SO has 2 kids from his first marriage. They keep their finances completely separate and have done the math so that they are each paying any and all expenses related to their own kids. Christmas is also handled by bio parents with roughly equal spending. The step parents in this situation do buy a gift for the step kids, but they usually keep it something small.

There are many ways blended families handle finances and spending. The kind of single mother that would be a match for you would be the kind of woman who would understand and accept your position.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I am glad it works out for you, but, if I was a single guy w/o kids there is no way I would do a blended family kind of thing. I have seen the outcome several times, and I don't like what I have seen in terms of sibling/sibling relationships.

If I were to lose my W, I would not go after a new woman with younger kids. I just would not want to deal with the 'brady bunch'. I have never seen it like that in real life.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

naiveonedave said:


> I am glad it works out for you, but, if I was a single guy w/o kids there is no way I would do a blended family kind of thing. I have seen the outcome several times, and I don't like what I have seen in terms of sibling/sibling relationships.
> 
> If I were to lose my W, I would not go after a new woman with younger kids. I just would not want to deal with the 'brady bunch'. I have never seen it like that in real life.


Honestly, I'm not surprised. A lot of parents feel guilty they divorced and let their kids get away with all manner of bad behavior. Of course that would negatively affect a second marriage.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I saw two pregnant women on dating sites when I was dating. They did not hide the fact they were. I questioned why they don't finish the last thing before going to starting a new thing. Not my cup of tea but both claimed they had no trouble getting dates.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ceegee said:


> Maybe it's not her baby??


OK, that made me LOL pretty hard.

ETA: No and yes (before, not during).


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> I saw two pregnant women on dating sites when I was dating. They did not hide the fact they were. I questioned why they don't finish the last thing before going to starting a new thing. *Not my cup of tea but both claimed they had no trouble getting dates.*


I wonder how true that is.

And of course, what kind of men are taking them out.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

naiveonedave said:


> I am glad it works out for you, but, if I was a single guy w/o kids there is no way I would do a blended family kind of thing. *I have seen the outcome several times, and I don't like what I have seen in terms of sibling/sibling relationships.*
> 
> If I were to lose my W, I would not go after a new woman with younger kids. I just would not want to deal with the 'brady bunch'. I have never seen it like that in real life.


This would depend on the fact that the non custodial parents are still in the picture and are capable of paying an adequate amount of child support.

Women who engage in fly by night or as Niles Crane put it on Fraser "till dawn do us part" relationships most likely will not have that kind of foundation.

I know someone who due to her fertility scare decided to go ahead and get pregnant with a guy she had been dating for 6 months. He doesn't have a pot to pi$$ in. In fact, they tried having him move into her one bedroom apartment ..... the 3 of them. It didn't work out.

Now it sounds as if she is trying to bankrupt him by denying him visitation because, of course, she doesn't know him well enough to be around her / their son unsupervised.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> I saw two pregnant women on dating sites when I was dating. They did not hide the fact they were. I questioned why they don't finish the last thing before going to starting a new thing. Not my cup of tea but *both claimed they had no trouble getting dates.*


I don't doubt that at all.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> I wonder how true that is.
> 
> And of course, what kind of men are taking them out.


I wonder if the rationale is that a) the females hormones might make them extra frisky (esp. during 2nd trimester) and b) the fear of getting her pregnant is obviously negated (outside of stds, she may be more willing to have unprotected sex). Of course, this is assuming the guys are more interested in just getting laid vs starting an actual relationship.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> I don't doubt that at all.


Nor do I. Just playing the odds, it is likely that the women would have a certain level of desperation, looking for a daddy and provider for their baby. It also shows that the woman is capable of making poor choices in sex partners, as well as a certain level of recklessness. That would make them susceptible to all kinds of being played. The guys would not have to worry about an accidental pregnancy...perfect target for success as a PUA.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> I wonder how true that is.
> 
> And of course, *what kind of men are taking them out.*


Those with a fetish would be my guess


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> Nor do I. Just playing the odds, it is likely that the women would have a certain level of desperation, looking for a daddy and provider for their baby. It also shows that the woman is capable of making poor choices in sex partners, as well as a certain level of recklessness. That would make them susceptible to all kinds of being played. The guys would not have to worry about an accidental pregnancy...perfect target for success as a PUA.


I would have thought when you are pregnant, it's time to take stock of the relationships that you do have, family, friends, acquaintances, parishioners from your church and so on. 

What on earth are these woman doing on Craigslist and the like when they need to be thinking about how their new life with child is going to be organised. 

But I know, I know, there will be someone somewhere who tell me about the best of friends that some contact from Craigslist or POF proved themselves to be in the span of 3 months. That would be nice if that happened regularly.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I would have thought when you are pregnant, it's time to take stock of the relationships that you do have, family, friends, acquaintances, parishioners from your church and so on.
> 
> What on earth are these woman doing on Craigslist and the like when they need to be thinking about how their new life with child is going to be organised.
> 
> But I know, I know, there will be someone somewhere who tell me about the best of friends that some contact from Craigslist or POF proved themselves to be in the span of 3 months. That would be nice if that happened regularly.


It would be nice if people thought along those lines, and I imagine women who are older, who have a bit more life experience who would find themselves pregnant by a guy who took off might do a bit more introspection because they have a bit more life experience.

Younger women on the other hand, it is highly likely that getting pregnant by the guy who takes off is more a symptom than the problem. A symptom of poor judgement, lack of forward thinking, which often show up in clusters of behaviors in other aspects


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