# I need a hug



## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...-virtual-affairs-bdsm-fantasies-26-years.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/381985-later-life-divorce.html

after all this crap, i found i wanted to stay married blah blah blah. so this morning i couldn't sleep. i thought i was due for a DH phone check. alas, i find the kik app, the beloved cheater choice. i didn't see that last time. though there is nothing there, obviously deleting isn't difficult. so instead of waiting like you TAM people say, i'm like wtf.

he "didn't do anything." he was just "curious" about all the many women he'd been chatting with before. it's amazing how he can say these things to my face as if there's nothing wrong with this. so if it's true and he's a loser and no one has reached out to him, i don't care! he's interested, obviously. whether it's an ego boost (or deflation) or whatever - this is unacceptable. wtf is he trying to tell me that this is OK? who is this person?!

sadly i forgave and whatever, but always told myself to be cautious and if something came up, then that's it. no more misses nice guy. i'm sad for my kids. i'm really perplexed that i am married to this dishonest person. i want to be loved and cherished and i guess he sort of does, but not really. it seems if he could do better, he would. isn't that completely obvious? please just hug me and say, there there...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

A big hug, now you know what to do, dump him!


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

A hug for you and a your boundaries...


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

I'm so sorry.  Virtual hugs for you. God knows I need them too, but I don't get very many these days.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Lose his worthless, cheating a$$ and find yourself a man who will truly love you for who you are!*


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## vauxhall101 (Jul 23, 2017)

I'm not being funny, I'm very new to this forum, and all this "track your partner's movements" tech is very shocking to me, I've never even heard of it before but everybody on here seems to know all about it. 

I hope you're okay, and that everything works out for you, and that you find some peace.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

You know what he is, I think you have to ask yourself...why are you staying? It becomes less about that person when we stay in bad relationships, and more about us...and the fear of the unknown. The unknown would be better than being cheated on, over and over. I hope you do the right thing for you. (and here's a hug)


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

vauxhall101 said:


> I'm not being funny, I'm very new to this forum, and all this "track your partner's movements" tech is very shocking to me, I've never even heard of it before but everybody on here seems to know all about it.
> 
> I hope you're okay, and that everything works out for you, and that you find some peace.


I'm new to that way of thinking too (I got married a few months ago), and feel that if it ever gets to the point where I'm feeling the need to track my husband's every move, I don't want to be in such a relationship. It just seems too exhausting, and unfulfilling. I don't want to constantly have to ask questions and wonder and feel anxious and unloved. To me, that's no way to live, but to each their own.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

*Deidre* said:


> I'm new to that way of thinking too (I got married a few months ago), and feel that if it ever gets to the point where I'm feeling the need to track my husband's every move, I don't want to be in such a relationship. It just seems too exhausting, and unfulfilling. I don't want to constantly have to ask questions and wonder and feel anxious and unloved. To me, that's no way to live, but to each their own.


For sure! All this tracking stuff people throw out there... sigh. My DH travels so I know he could get away with lots if he wanted. It's been that way for years but only recently has it become an issue. I was just doing a little maintenance on what I hoped was a dead issue. But clearly we have problems.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

To add icing to the cake my fn MIL is here blabbing nonsense. Clearly I've not been living right


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

KrisAmiss said:


> For sure! All this tracking stuff people throw out there... sigh. My DH travels so I know he could get away with lots if he wanted. It's been that way for years but only recently has it become an issue. I was just doing a little maintenance on what I hoped was a dead issue. But clearly we have problems.
> 
> Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
> 
> To add icing to the cake my fn MIL is here blabbing nonsense. Clearly I've not been living right


I couldn't remain with someone who cheated, or is ''curious'' about cheating. That's just me. Everyone is different, but you shouldn't tolerate being treated badly, and allow him to pretend like it's a non-issue. Hope things get better for you one way or the other.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

KrisAmiss said:


> sadly i forgave and whatever, but always told myself to be cautious and if something came up, then that's it. no more misses nice guy.


As expected for a serial cheating sexual miscreant, you ONCE AGAIN found evidence of his *continued *involvement in his fetish and *continued* desire to cheat on you.

Are you going to push your line back in the sand again just to stay with him, or respect yourself this time and HONOR your own personal boundary?

I hope it's the latter.:smile2:


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Here is a hug and a 2x4... your husband is a low life CHEAT, isnt going to change, and you need to get the eff out.


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## NJ2 (Mar 22, 2017)

((())))


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Didn't do anything and was just curious...yeah right. You gave him a chance to be honest and he didn't take it. So now you have to live with a liar or get a divorce. Neither is a great choice.


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

KrisAmiss said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...-virtual-affairs-bdsm-fantasies-26-years.html
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/381985-later-life-divorce.html
> 
> ...


I'm sorry you feel your boundaries have been trod upon. Be strong for your kids and seek hugs only from them or your parents (if they're in the picture) but I (as a stranger on the Internet) will not offer more than a (virtual) soothing pat on the back and a kind word. Consider this: maybe your husband has an internet addiction and feels that something is missing from his "real" life? I know many of us could be pegged with that stigma, airing our dirty laundry for all to see. At some point you have to live "IRL" and find empowerment there. Get a therapist and find some peers (preferably of the same gender and place in life) to socialize with.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

jb02157 said:


> So now you have to live with a liar or get a divorce. Neither is a great choice.


I hope I have more than two choices, but thanks for this. I didn't want to divorce, which is why I sucked it up and tried to lavish him with love. He doesn't seem to understand why I don't believe he's into me nor can he explain the so called curiosity. He did finally admit he has a problem.

I don't even feel like telling my real life friends. I'm just soaking it in, sitting in this mediocre marriage. I tried. Guess it's time to get more serious at the gym.

Thanks for the hugs. And the pat.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

KrisAmiss said:


> I hope I have more than two choices, but thanks for this. I didn't want to divorce, which is why I sucked it up and tried to lavish him with love. He doesn't seem to understand why I don't believe he's into me nor can he explain the so called curiosity. He did finally admit he has a problem.
> 
> I don't even feel like telling my real life friends. I'm just soaking it in, sitting in this mediocre marriage. I tried. Guess it's time to get more serious at the gym.
> 
> Thanks for the hugs. And the pat.


I'm sorta going through the same type of thing, either put up with a spouse that does intolerable things or divorce. I choose to this point to stay married and suck it in, the only thing is that my wife can't see that what she does is wrong (like hurling plates across the kitchen at the kids at I) and needs to be addressed. I hope things do eventually get better for you.


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