# "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" EXPLAINED!!



## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

Hey all!

I wanted to share something with all of you. All of us going through seperations, divorces that don't contain extramarital affairs. 

"I love you but I'm not IN love with you" .....is a cop-out. Why?

Falling Out of Love: Marriage and Relationships Can Survive

Read and enjoy. If you truly wish to regain the "spark", all you have to do is try.

I sent this link to my wife, as well....her attitude is changing a bit, I hope that it jolts her as much as it did me.

Falling out of love is NORMAL, we don't "feel" it because the hormones have subsided! That's all it is, everybody. It's not the end of the world, and agreeing to anything without trying it first is the worst mistake you'll ever make if you feel THAT strongly about somebody. 

Either choose to love, or choose to leave. That's all there is to it. If you DO choose to love, however, know that reconciliation of ANY kind is possible. 

Best of luck and love to you all. And wish me luck as well...because I'm not giving up on this. Not by a longshot.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

The neurochemicals have a lot to do about it. However so do we. We can control to some extent the chemical bath in our brain through our actions.

Two of the components are dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine gives you the feelings you have when you are infatuated, in strong love, doing high adventure sports, cocaine etc. Oxytocin in a bonding chemical which reinforces the neural connections created from dopamine. As mentioned in the article it is release during sex, child birth and at other times. It also works to undo the neural connections for others.

These chemicals explain why so many couples who are not having sex have problems. They are not getting regular doses of chemicals that help keep them bonded at a deeper level. And if you start having sex with someone else you get all the dopamine high and start to bond with them via oxytocin which then helps to undo the bonding with your spouse. This helps to explain the fog and the turning against the spouse that often happens with an affair.

If not having sex and having affairs can hurt then having sex and investing in dating (anything fun to release dopamine with your spouse) can help. 

This is why date nights and frequent sex coexist with stronger marriages. Your boundaries help minimize the chances of dopamine and oxytocin being released while dealing with the opposite sex. And your positive actions with your spouse maximize the binding between you and keep the feelings alive. 

Become one with your chemicals and your spouse!


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## SamanthaRogers (Jul 21, 2012)

Thanks for sharing the article SkyHigh. It's pretty good.


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