# I want to go clubbing again but I'm married



## Lillyness

Does clubbing have to stop just because you get married? I feel a bit pathetic but no one knows me on this forum so I guess I can say it how it is. I have no friends, very little family, I'm married and I love my husband but I miss clubbing. I'm sitting here drinking vodka and fruit juice at 5am listening to music. It's not about the men in the clubs, I just like dancing and drinking and letting my hair down. Is that wrong? I haven't done that in years, lost contact with all my friends, so I have none. So I guess the purpose of this post it this question. Is it normal to want to go clubbing still even thought you are married?

Thanks all, this was a spear of the moment, a little drunk, kind of post. I just want to know if it's wrong to want to go clubbing when married. I'm in my 30s if that makes a difference. Should I want to slow down at 30 or am I in my 'prime' as some might say?
xxx


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## adamsmithers55

Can you just dance and drink at home? Or club with your husband? 

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## Lillyness

adamsmithers55 said:


> Can you just dance and drink at home? Or club with your husband?
> 
> Sent from my SM-N910G using Tapatalk


Well he hasn't been to a club before and dosent really like the scene. But before I met him, quite some years ago, I clubbed a lot. So he just doesn't get why I want to. And I'm not sure if its ok to want to just go out dancing. That probably sounds so silly...


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## manfromlamancha

Why did you get married ? Really (since this is an anonymous forum).


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## Lillyness

manfromlamancha said:


> Why did you get married ? Really (since this is an anonymous forum).


Clubbing for me wasn't about men, I just loved letting my hair down, dancing, relaxing with friends. I got married because I was in love. And I love my hubby. The more time goes by I feel that this is love and we are growing as a couple. It's just I want to go clubbing and he isn't really into that. I guess I just wanted people opinions on clubbing when married. I guess some people go to clubs to meet people and others just to have a good time with friends. But yes, I got married cause I love my partner. xx


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## manfromlamancha

What is it about him that you love ? Do you have common interests ? Sounds like you are two very different people (which is not necessarily bad) but the difference will get more evident and prominent over time. Also how long have you been married ?


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## Lillyness

manfromlamancha said:


> What is it about him that you love ? Do you have common interests ? Sounds like you are two very different people (which is not necessarily bad) but the difference will get more evident and prominent over time. Also how long have you been married ?


We have been married for three and a half years. When I met him I was a Christian, (had been for about 5 years) I have been having some issues with my faith and have become interested in clubbing / drinking etc again. We have common interests (gaming / work / like the same program's / are attracted to each other). He dosent understand why I am forever attracted to my old life - clubbing / music /drinking / etc. I feel like I need to find myself / life my live for me. What is it about him that I love? His kindness, compassion, he is a lovely person - deep / emotional. I want to make him happy but I also want to find myself / be free etc. Thanks for talking to me about this, whoever you are


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## Decorum

All those years of clubbing and you didn't find yourself?
Imagine that.

Go back and do it right this time!


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## Lillyness

Decorum said:


> All those years of clubbing and you didn't find yourself?
> Imagine that.
> 
> Go back and do it right this time!


Well, to be fair, I was only clubbing from 17-21 sooooo, I couldn't really find myself could I? ;D Is that enough time?


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## manfromlamancha

From what you have said, I can see that you admire him and that he fulfilled a role in your life - however now, you may be being yourself when you say you want to go clubbing (nothing wrong with that) but to him you must appear quite different to what he thought he was marrying. It sounds like he now only partially fulfils the role of partner that you are looking for.

I am going to say something that might be considered to be quite radical but here goes: Clubbing etc is always about men (or members of the other sex). You may not act on it but it is there in the background. You like to dance, sure - but the act of dancing is a form of attraction too. You like to socialise but an important part of that is flirting - especially in that environment. Saying this isn't so doesn't make it not so. Again nothing wrong with any of this.

If you had a partner that was into clubbing, flirting, dancing too but was secure in the fact that the two of you had boundaries that would never be crossed, you both would be more fulfilled. However, he does not appear to be that partner.

So either you have this discussion with him while reassuring him that you would never cross boundaries (which are oh so easy to do in these environments) or you learn to find something else to do with him that is social.

My wife loves clubbing and dancing. She is also a huge flirt. If she is in a group of women, she is the one that gets hit on the most and almost immediately. If I were to take that away from her she would be depressed. However, while she has other faults, she is a good mother and wife. The irony is that I used to be into clubbing (in those days they were called discos and nightclubs) and she would be jealous when I was out there because I got hit on too. However, I truly did not want to hurt her and stopped going knowing that I would be OK with that. And maybe it takes two similar people to make this work.


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## Lillyness

manfromlamancha said:


> From what you have said, I can see that you admire him and that he fulfilled a role in your life - however now, you may be being yourself when you say you want to go clubbing (nothing wrong with that) but to him you must appear quite different to what he thought he was marrying. It sounds like he now only partially fulfils the role of partner that you are looking for.
> 
> I am going to say something that might be considered to be quite radical but here goes: Clubbing etc is always about men (or members of the other sex). You may not act on it but it is there in the background. You like to dance, sure - but the act of dancing is a form of attraction too. You like to socialise but an important part of that is flirting - especially in that environment. Saying this isn't so doesn't make it not so. Again nothing wrong with any of this.
> 
> If you had a partner that was into clubbing, flirting, dancing too but was secure in the fact that the two of you had boundaries that would never be crossed, you both would be more fulfilled. However, he does not appear to be that partner.
> 
> So either you have this discussion with him while reassuring him that you would never cross boundaries (which are oh so easy to do in these environments) or you learn to find something else to do with him that is social.
> 
> My wife loves clubbing and dancing. She is also a huge flirt. If she is in a group of women, she is the one that gets hit on the most and almost immediately. If I were to take that away from her she would be depressed. However, while she has other faults, she is a good mother and wife. The irony is that I used to be into clubbing (in those days they were called discos and nightclubs) and she would be jealous when I was out there because I got hit on too. However, I truly did not want to hurt her and stopped going knowing that I would be OK with that. And maybe it takes two similar people to make this work.


Thank you for your response. I do feel it is about attraction (clubbing) like it would be crazy to get married and then suddenly not be interested in 'attraction'. when I was thinking about clubbing I posed myself a question (don't worry I dont talk to myself - that much ) I thought if I'd want to go clubbing if the DJ was a woman and all the people there were women. I guess deep down it is about attraction and the opposite sex. Just cause I got married, dosent mean that I stop being a woman. I think what I meant by 'not about men' was that I'm not looking to 'find men' (as I did in my teens). It's more about dancing / feeling happy /feeling desired and then having that special person to go home to. and I think I do appear different to what he was marrying. When I married him I was a confident christian woman with a not so christian past, now I'm a woman with issues with her faith and who likes to drink every now and then. 

About you, do you still go out clubbing or did you stop because of your wife? And I have been trying to get him to take me to a bar for ages, I just don't want to push him or pressure him into it at the same time. I worried that I am a bad influence on him because I want to go to bars / clubs. It's like a constant battle between finding myself and being married / being a Christian. (sorry I know this isn't a Christian / faith issue forum). Thanks to everyone who has responded so far, it really has meant a lot. (First time I've thought of sharing this in a forum and it has been a nice experience so far) Thanks all xx (A little drunk but hope I haven't made too many mistakes) xxxx


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## Decorum

Lillyness said:


> Well, to be fair, I was only clubbing from 17-21 sooooo, I couldn't really find myself could I? ;D Is that enough time?


Not nearly.

But you will have another shot at it when you are 50.


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## Lillyness

Decorum said:


> Not nearly.
> 
> But you will have another shot at it when you are 50.


:O 50? I thought I was old at 30. I feel old at 30 tbh. Sometimes I feel like my life is over... maybe that's just me lol. I guess I've just been a bit isolate for too long. So it's not unusual for 30 year olds to go clubbing / out? xx


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## Vinnydee

My wife and I went clubbing almost every weekend. We called it foreplay because after dancing we got very horny. We had a whole process where I bought my wife a new dress and I bought myself a new jacket or shirt, back when men wore jackets at clubs, and had a ball. I ended up joining three private clubs. One was for people my age (25), another was wild with anything goes. In my day the legal drinking age was 18 so the clubs were filled with 17 and 18 year old teens. Fake IDs were popular. The third was the Playboy club where we could dine and see shows. We started clubbing when we married at 21 years old. We also went to Las Vegas 3 times a year and hit the clubs there too. We even hit the clubs at Disney World when they had Pleasure Island and you could go club hopping while carrying your drinks outside. We loved to dance and no matter what country or tropical island we were vacationing at, we hit the dance floors at their clubs. We had fun as a married couple. Marriage made my life better, not worse.

There is no reason for your life to end because you got married. My wife was up for anything. The last time we went to a club, we were in our 40's. We were the oldest couple there but we stayed on the dance floor for hours and held our own. We got married early, so we wanted to enjoy our youth and did. Is it clubbing you want or meeting other girls? Why can't you go clubbing with your wife? I found it better than when I went clubbing during my single years. No doubt that I was going to get laid that night and we could do things that we would not do when out in polite society.


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## Lillyness

Vinnydee said:


> My wife and I went clubbing almost every weekend. We called it foreplay because after dancing we got very horny. We had a whole process where I bought my wife a new dress and I bought myself a new jacket back when men wore jackets at clubs, and had a ball. I ended up joining three private clubs. One was for people my age, a more mature club one was wild and anything goes. The third was the Playboy club where we could dine and see shows. We started when we married at 21 years old. We also went to Las Vegas 3 times a year and hit the clubs there too.
> 
> There is no reason for your life to end because you got married. My wife was up for anything. The last time we went to a club, we were in our 40's. We were the oldest couple there but we stayed on the dance floor for hours and held our own. We got married early, so we wanted to enjoy our youth and did. Is it clubbing you want or meeting other girls? Why can't you go clubbing with your wife? I found it better than when I went clubbing during my single years. No doubt that I was going to get laid that night and we could do things that we would not do when out in polite society.


I want to start by saying thanks so much for your comments. I do apologise (I have been drinking and my spelling / grammar might be off). Thanks so much for your comments, I don't use forums but this one has really helped me so far. I am female ( i think you thought I was male). Basically what I want is this: to meet girlfriends, to dance, have fun, flirt (don't know if there;s anything wrong with flirting whilst in a relationship, I love my husband (think i've found that special someone). I have lost contact with many friends and I want to make new ones. Wow, to hear you went to las vagas together is amazing, I feel my husband is my soulmate but I dont want to pressure him into clubbing with me...and I feel guilty for wanting to go clubbing...

I am so encouraged that you and your wife went clubbing at 40s etc - thanks for sharing, means a lot xx Hope I'm making sense all


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## Decorum

Lillyness said:


> :O 50? I thought I was old at 30. I feel old at 30 tbh. Sometimes I feel like my life is over... maybe that's just me lol. I guess I've just been a bit isolate for too long. So it's not unusual for 30 year olds to go clubbing / out? xx


Here are two things I would caution you with, You have to find happiness in yourself first, and boredom makes you vulnerable.

If those are handled then you can make better more healthy decisions.

I would add, talk to your partner and make sure you find some place of agreement, don't just convince him, or wear him down.

I wish you well.


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## Andy1001

Lillyness said:


> I want to start by saying thanks so much for your comments. I do apologise (I have been drinking and my spelling / grammar might be off). Thanks so much for your comments, I don't use forums but this one has really helped me so far. I am female ( i think you thought I was male). Basically what I want is this: to meet girlfriends, to dance, have fun, flirt (don't know if there;s anything wrong with flirting whilst in a relationship, I love my husband (think i've found that special someone). I have lost contact with many friends and I want to make new ones. Wow, to hear you went to las vagas together is amazing, I feel my husband is my soulmate but I dont want to pressure him into clubbing with me...and I feel guilty for wanting to go clubbing...
> 
> I am so encouraged that you and your wife went clubbing at 40s etc - thanks for sharing, means a lot xx Hope I'm making sense all


You are slowly admitting to yourself (Everyone reading knew allready) that you want to go clubbing to meet men and flirt with them at the very least.
If you want to live the single lifestyle then become single.
Before your unfortunate husband makes the decision for you.
Grow ****ing up you are not seventeen anymore and never will be.If you want to **** around get divorced first.


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## DustyDog

Lillyness said:


> Does clubbing have to stop just because you get married? I feel a bit pathetic but no one knows me on this forum so I guess I can say it how it is. I have no friends, very little family, I'm married and I love my husband but I miss clubbing. I'm sitting here drinking vodka and fruit juice at 5am listening to music. It's not about the men in the clubs, I just like dancing and drinking and letting my hair down. Is that wrong? I haven't done that in years, lost contact with all my friends, so I have none. So I guess the purpose of this post it this question. Is it normal to want to go clubbing still even thought you are married?
> 
> Thanks all, this was a spear of the moment, a little drunk, kind of post. I just want to know if it's wrong to want to go clubbing when married. I'm in my 30s if that makes a difference. Should I want to slow down at 30 or am I in my 'prime' as some might say?
> xxx


As long as you make sure you understand it's just about being with friends and letting your hair down and not about looking for men, sure, go clubbing.

I do rock and roll for a living, I spend my working hours in clubs. The dance floors are packed with women, single and married. Men don't like dancing except to pick up chicks. Lots of clubs get known for being where the women hang out and that's about what happens. Get your little circle of women your age to go clubbing with and hang together and be the sisters who don't seek men, but are just having fun with each other. Let hubby meet every one of them so he can tell they're not a bad influence and go have a good time.


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## aine

I think many of the comments above say it all, I don't have much to add.
Why did you lose your Christian faith, was it a personal one or one you inherited from your parents? If you both got married as Christians, aren't you basically doing a bait and switch on your H tbh? Have you thought about that?

I have been clubbing, went with my H in my 40s but not into it the same way as when in my 20s, cannot stand the loud music, the crowd jumping up and down etc, neither of us could, take me to a good old pub with live music or salsa bar instead where real dancing happens.

The thing is you might trust yourself, your H may trust you but there will come a time when you just might cross lines that you thought you never would, better not to go if you cannot go with your H. Why don't you suggest that you both take up dancing classes something latin american, that might be fun.

How old is your H? Is he older than you?


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## Thound

I have been faithful to my wife for our entire 37 years. It was easy. I stayed away from places that offered opportunities to cheat


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## straightshooter

Lilyness,

OK, time to stop the sugar coating and give it to your straight. The others have said it "diplomatically" so maybe you will understand it in a more direct way.

(1) time to grow up
(2) married people in a committed relationship do not need to REGULARLY go to sexually charged bars where men will be spending the night trying to get into your pants ( of course that is what you want them to try to do by your statements). 
(3) there are a ton of ways to make friends in activities that do not involve men flirting with you, buying you drinks and trying to get your number. 
(4) stop the crap about just flirting and loving your husband so much. You want to spend your spare time enticing other men, and 95% of women who wind up in affairs from "clubbing" make the same silly statements you are about just wanting to dance.

Now, if your husband wants to sit on his ass every Friday night, watch you get drsssed up in your sexiest outfit and sit home alone until 2 or 3 in the morning, then he needs this forum a hell of a lot more than you do.

You don't need to go clubbing. You need to be single and if you have any respect for your husband you will tell him that before you cheat on him. And you can take it to the bank that you will unless you convince yourself that being married is more important than **** teasing in a bar or club.


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## DEMI6

Vinnydee said:


> My wife and I went clubbing almost every weekend. We called it foreplay because after dancing we got very horny. We had a whole process where I bought my wife a new dress and I bought myself a new jacket back when men wore jackets at clubs, and had a ball. I ended up joining three private clubs. One was for people my age, a more mature club one was wild and anything goes. The third was the Playboy club where we could dine and see shows. We started when we married at 21 years old. We also went to Las Vegas 3 times a year and hit the clubs there too.
> 
> There is no reason for your life to end because you got married. My wife was up for anything. The last time we went to a club, we were in our 40's. We were the oldest couple there but we stayed on the dance floor for hours and held our own. We got married early, so we wanted to enjoy our youth and did. Is it clubbing you want or meeting other girls? Why can't you go clubbing with your wife? I found it better than when I went clubbing during my single years. No doubt that I was going to get laid that night and we could do things that we would not do when out in polite society.


Loveeeee this❤

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## DEMI6

Well I think theirs nothing wrong with going out, every once in a while
Then again I'm not your husband. It don't matter what we think we don't live with you. 

I would suggest you not go ONLY & only because you said flirt..

Drinking in the dark & flirting with men is a baaaaad combo & like other said will land you in a ton of shhhhh.

Paint & sip?
you don't have any sister's? 
Cousins? 
Sister in laws?
Maybe find a hobbie

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## chillymorn69

Lillyness said:


> Does clubbing have to stop just because you get married? I feel a bit pathetic but no one knows me on this forum so I guess I can say it how it is. I have no friends, very little family, I'm married and I love my husband but I miss clubbing. I'm sitting here drinking vodka and fruit juice at 5am listening to music. It's not about the men in the clubs, I just like dancing and drinking and letting my hair down. Is that wrong? I haven't done that in years, lost contact with all my friends, so I have none. So I guess the purpose of this post it this question. Is it normal to want to go clubbing still even thought you are married?
> 
> Thanks all, this was a spear of the moment, a little drunk, kind of post. I just want to know if it's wrong to want to go clubbing when married. I'm in my 30s if that makes a difference. Should I want to slow down at 30 or am I in my 'prime' as some might say?
> xxx


aa might help drinking at 5am is a red flag.

why don't you have any friends? you mean you haven't made any new friends since being married. thats sad. are there any activities you like besides clubbing?

as a husband I think a wife going out clubbing is a recipe for disaster. the environment is ripe for affairs. I call bs on you just like drinking and dancing you like the rush of dancing and feeling attractive. and some drinks and opps I got drunk and made a mistake and his penis just ended up inside of me it wasn't my fault I was drunk.


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## m00nman

If your husband doesn't like the idea and you love him them it shouldn't even be a question. Find something else that the two of you can do together. If he's not making you feel desired then that's on him, but it's NOT okay to go out and engage in courting activities (whether you choose to admit it or not.)


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## Ynot

I would like to add, as others have mentioned, that the number one thing you need to do is have this conversation with your husband, as his wife and life partner, not as an anonymous poster on an internet forum.
You are obviously conflicted. You made a decision based on someone you were and are now engaged in the fantasy of an even more distant past. I suggest you take some time to figure out who you really are.
I won't condemn you, and I am not condemning you or judging you. But what I can do is speak from my own experience. You enjoyed clubbing because you enjoyed the attention. You probably became a "Christian" to fill a void you had in life (probably as a result of clubbing). You have since discovered that being a 'Christian' and all it entails is not something that you want or enjoy (IOW not filling that void). Now you are thinking your next best choice is to go back to where you were before.
Instead I would advise you go to where you have never been and discover who you are and what you want. It may be with your H, it may be someplace else. But I doubt you will find it in Christianity or clubbing. Look within.


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## Rowan

When I want to get dressed up and go out dancing, I actually am in it for the entirely platonic fun with my entirely straight girlfriends, the music, the buzz of a couple cocktails, and being able to dance and have fun. What I dislike about clubbing is that there are sometimes men trying to pick me up while I'm just trying to dance and have a good time, and I'm not interested in that and find it an irritant. So, when you, OP, described a club where the DJ and all the other people there were women, that honestly sounded fabulous to me. In fact, I have a group of girlfriends who get dressed up from time to time, have a few drinks, and dance in the dark and flashing lights like we're 21. But we organize it at one of our homes, while the husbands are having a poker night and the kids are at grandma's. It allows us to have the fun aspects of clubbing without the marriage-unsafe bits that we're interested in avoiding. 

But you're a different person, with very different motivations . You've admitted that what you want from clubbing is the flirtation, the attraction, the sexy vibe of it all. That being the case, no, it's probably not a good idea for you to be out clubbing without your husband. So, you've got a couple options. One, get your husband to go clubbing with you. Channel all that sexual energy into awesome sex with him at the end of the evening. Or, two, figure out how to bring that flirtation, attraction, and sexy vibe into your marriage so that you don't feel the desire to seek it out in clubs. Just because you are a Christian does not mean that you're not supposed to experience those things - only that you should experience them with your husband within the context of your marriage. Maybe working on your marriage, making it into the sort of sexy, fun, flirty, experience you seem to be looking for, would help you address this seeming need for what you imagine the club atmosphere would provide you? If your marriage is sexually steamy, there might be much less drive to find that steaminess in clubs.


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## TheRealMcCoy

Hi Lilly. Thanks for coming by. My story in a nutshell:

We'd been married for some time. With two young'ins at home. She was..



Lillyness said:


> ... in (her) 30s if that makes a difference.





Lillyness said:


> in (her) 'prime' as some might say?


Anyhow, I knew she had been to clubs before I met her, but knew it wasn't a big part of her life. As far as me, her future husband, 



Lillyness said:


> (I don't) really like the scene.


and what little clubbing she did, 



Lillyness said:


> was just from 17-21


I don't think she started going again...



Lillyness said:


> ...looking to 'find men. It's more about dancing / feeling happy /feeling desired.





Lillyness said:


> Basically what (she) want(s) is this: to dance, have fun, flirt


But she didn't do it the way you did. She was sneaky about it. Never telling me she was going until she was literally stepping out the door (although I quickly figured it out when she'd start primping at a certain time on a Saturday night). Never telling me where she was going, never talking about where she'd been or what she did. Anything after "how was it?" quickly started to feel like an interrogation (never accusing me of it, just the way she answered (or not) any questions...I had to just stop asking. She was good). 

Now, before everyone says, "yeah Realsy, but this is obviously different. Your wife is a slu..."loose woman" and this poor Christian girl just wants to dance". 

Possibly true. But if someone suddenly came down from above and said they had security camera footage of every minute my wife was out with her wingwoman friend, I would say that there was a very good chance that the worst that my wife would be found to have done is to...



Lillyness said:


> ...dance, have fun, flirt


Now, before everyone says, "yeah Realsy, but this is obviously different. Your wife is a slu..."loose woman" and if you think she wasn't swapping fluids with multiple men every time, saliva MINIMUM, you're a fool."

Doesn't matter. When I was lying awake in bed babysitting my kids at 1:30 AM, it wasn't physical infidelity that was ripping at my gut. It was the thought of her...




Lillyness said:


> ...dance, have fun, flirt


This site has been quiet with the "clubbing, should she or shouldn't she?" threads for a while. But back when there were more "clubbing while married" defenders than there are now, a "how can you be so paranoid, little man, it's just dancing" argument could shut down debate. But it's NOT just dancing. It IS about the men, at least to a degree. You're flirting with and feeling sexual energy with strange men. Making a connection. And you would HARDLY be the first person to make a "drunken mistake".

Why would my wife be sneaky where you see it as, pretty much, 100% innocent? How can are two nearly IDENTICAL ACTIONS have two such different interpretations?

I don't know I'm just telling you how I felt. And I have a pretty good idea how your husband will be feeling when you're out after midnight, "dancing". And not just because my world is everyone's world so it must be fact. It's because your husband seems to feel the same way about it as I do. And he may not be as mentally unstable as me, but this exact issue is what brought me here to this and other forums many years later.

My wife pulled this bait and switch on me many years ago. And look where I am now.


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## manfromlamancha

I do still go clubbing although I am a lot older than you. Here is my problem - I am a complete bigot when it comes to music. I am a musician and also do like dancing (surprisingly comes from my Dad - very accomplished ballroom and Latin American dancer) so disco came naturally to me. My music tastes range through soul, funk, rock, country, folk etc) . However modern clubs sometimes drive me nuts as do some (not all) of the music around - hence not so much clubbing. My wife on the other hand is completely into the newer music and is also very good at moving on the dance floor (its what attracted me to her in the first place). So not as much clubbing for me as before.

I actually do get a chuckle out of the many guys who try and hit on her, offering drinks etc and her all the while declining these offers and, if I am there, pointing me out as the love of her life. If I am not there she flashes her rings (wedding band, engagement stones, eternity ring) saying that they are from the sexiest man alive (me  )! So we are kind of matched! 

You need to make your man match you and you have to match him - whether its quirky superhero or star trekkie dancing on the dance floor or some special moves that you two share - pull him in rather than keep him out. He will soon adapt when he finds out how much fun it can be especially when you follow up at home in the sack. Thats the advice that I will leave you with.

Good luck, have fun, stay safe and stay true!


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## SunCMars

My spellin is poifect.

Uh, here's the thing.

I get it, you are bored. Do other things with your husband. Do them with regularity.

Sure you can go clubbing, say, maybe every Saturday night with a girlfriend who is not a cheat. I would certainly try to get your husband to go with you. Every time, mind you.

The thing is, alcohol and music and hot sweaty dancing, sometimes very closely is risky business. You can swear up and down that you are only interested in the action, the music and the camaraderie.

And I believe you. But, I also believe a bodies mind is not to be controlled. When the love hormones, spurred by alcohol start their action...well, you know.

What will happen....a certain man and you will hit it off. First, on the dance floor, then at your table. Both of you making jokes and enjoying each others company. Fast dances will be replaced with slow ones.
This nice man will hold you tight against him. Sooner or later he will push his pelvis against yours and you will will feel his manhood poking against your fidelity. You may push him off. But the feeling and memory will work on you. You will try to resist the slow dances but eventually will succumb. You will hold him loosely, not tight, keeping your hips not close. But, on the tightly packed dance floor others will bump and push those hips together. His smiling face will be close to yours and he will whisper in your ear. His lips brushing your neck. You will get lost in his scent. 

Soon, the impossible happens. Outside, in his car, he caresses your chest, he penetrates your resolve.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

I come from a perspective that I would never want that lifestyle.. never did clubbing (drinking / dancing / subtle flirting with strangers) ... I can't say I feel I missed anything.... I've always known I would not be compatible with someone who craved this sort of thing.. if this is how your husband feels.. you've got some serious things to sort out.. why you are missing this sort of activity, what is driving this?? ...do you feel a void.. are you bored in your marriage...lacking excitement... 

I do feel, when married... a couple should be doing these sorts of activities together.. it's the atmosphere, what it represents - it's a vulnerable one for sure....

We're a more conservative couple, obviously... Even WE had what I would call a Wild spell (8 yrs ago now)...a friend invited us to a higher class strip club - we went ! and went back again.. and again..... It was just a phase, it played out... we look back knowing we enjoyed that little wild phase together...that's how he wanted it.. he wouldn't have even went without me, even telling me so.. and I appreciated that... and he appreciated I wasn't uptight about it, wanted to check it out too..

If anything... I hope YOU WANT YOUR HUSBAND to go with you..out dancing, some drinking.... or would you rather him not be with you... and if so... what does this mean ?

A relative of ours...she missed the dancing, started going out with single girlfriends...her husband didn't want to go, pushed it aside, saying they did that when they were young, but she had a drive to relive her youth some I guess - separate from him...... not long after.. she hooked up with a drummer and their 19 yr marriage crumbled.. all seems a waste.. that fling didn't last.. ....another marriage ended, kids in separate homes.... tread carefully here...

Consider where this could lead, if you aren't going forth "together" for its enjoyment..


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## Yeswecan

Lillyness said:


> We have been married for three and a half years. When I met him I was a Christian, (had been for about 5 years) I have been having some issues with my faith and have become interested in clubbing / drinking etc again. We have common interests (gaming / work / like the same program's / are attracted to each other). He dosent understand why I am forever attracted to my old life - clubbing / music /drinking / etc. *I feel like I need to find myself / life my live for me. *What is it about him that I love? His kindness, compassion, he is a lovely person - deep / emotional. I want to make him happy but I also want to find myself / be free etc. Thanks for talking to me about this, whoever you are


Sure the heck will not find yourself clubbing. 

You were a Christian when you met your H. Your H possibly married you because you were Christian at the time? Now you are unsure of your Christianity and wish to change your tune as go clubbing? Something does not seem right here. Maybe it is just me.


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## Hope1964

If you want to STAY married, then no, you can't go 'clubbing' if your spouse disapproves of it. But hey, try it out and see what he does. THAT can't end wrong.


----------



## jaquen

Lillyness said:


> Well he hasn't been to a club before and dosent really like the scene. But before I met him, quite some years ago, I clubbed a lot. So he just doesn't get why I want to. And I'm not sure if its ok to want to just go out dancing. That probably sounds so silly...


If you want to go clubbing then go clubbing. As long as your hubbie is cool with it, have a good time. If he's not he still can't force you to not go, but for the health of your marriage it's best you get to the root of why he'd have an issue with it and try to come up with a compromise. Maybe he'd be willing to go out and get a feel for it himself.

There's no "rule" against married people clubbing. Yes, a lot of people like you go for the experience, and not to get laid. You can like the atmosphere, and to dance, without looking for the D. 

It all comes down to what works for you and your man. I wouldn't take the criteria of anybody else into account if this works for you.


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## Stang197

I wouldn't stay married to someone that felt like her life was over if she couldn't go clubbing. Huge red flag. If he was my friend, I would advise him to prepare for a divorce .


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## Yeswecan

jaquen said:


> There's no "rule" against married people clubbing. Yes, a lot of people like you go for the experience, and not to get laid. You can like the atmosphere, and to dance, without looking for the D.


I counted all the married couples I know that one of the spouses goes out clubbing all hours of the night. I came up zero. Sure, there is no written rule but there is a time when some grow up and out of clubbing if it was done at all.


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## Theseus

straightshooter said:


> You don't need to go clubbing. You need to be single and if you have any respect for your husband you will tell him that before you cheat on him. And you can take it to the bank that you will unless you convince yourself that being married is more important than **** teasing in a bar or club.



WOW!! 

I've been gone from this forum for two years and I see some things haven't changed. We had a thread once where people discussed how many friends that had outside marriage, and it was kind of shocking how many forum members admitted they had NO friends other than their spouse, and never went out at all. 

Just my 2 cents:

1. There is nothing "Un-Christian" about going to clubs, so there is no conflict there. Yes, people can cheat at clubs. They can also cheat in their own homes and workplaces too. 

2. You are never too old to have fun. Don't listen to people in this forum who say: "you are married, it's time to grow up". Stuff that nonsense. 

3. If you want your husband to go with you, then ASK him! It's possible he's shy about it, or doesn't know how important it is to you. Maybe if he knew how important it was, then he would try it, and then maybe he would even enjoy it, who knows. You have nothing to lose by talking to him about it. If he refuses to try it, then you need to re-evaluate your next step and decide what is most important to you. 

4. *HOWEVER* - clubbing is not that fun with only one other person. It's much better in groups. If you met one or two other couples to go with you, you would all enjoy it, and your husband might enjoy the social side of it much more than the dancing. 

Communicate with your husband! That's one thing we can't do for you.


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## chillymorn69

everybody please quit attacking this poor woman!!!!


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## chillymorn69

sarcasm!


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## Evinrude58

If he puts up with a wife clubbing regularly without him, and you have so little to do with your life that you have time you want to waste on clubbing......
He's not worth having and neither are you.
Just my opinion.

Now if once a month your husband takes you out dancing at a club and shows you a nice evening whether he likes it or not...... I could live with that, personally.

Your urge to go clubbing is strange to me......


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## MJJEAN

alexm said:


> While there's certainly nothing wrong about being 30+ and going to the clubs, you're still "old" by most of the patrons standards. Hell, I've found myself in some pubs on a Friday or Saturday night with a group of my friends (all of us late 30's, early 40's) and I've felt out of place. Walking through a sea of 24 year olds to get to the bar. We're there to have fun, but you wind up having these brief moments of clarity where you feel like you're somebody's dad, and it's weird.


Oh, Gawd, being the "old guy/gal at da club" is just so awkward! 



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> The "it" she was feeling was probably the local rasta ganja.


Mmmm, ganja. >



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Been there, done that ... many times. However, I am there as somebody's dad!
> Through the years, I have shared musical tastes with each of my three children. (G, now 23, G, now 21 and B, now 18). In some cases, they dig my music and in some cases I dig theirs. So my son goes with me to a Kansas or Rush concert and he's out of place in a sea of boomers. I go with him to a Lacuna Coil or Within Temptation concert and I'm out of place in a sea of millennials. But we always have a great time ... together.


I have had friends borrow my kids so they could go to concerts without feeling too old to be there.

"I'm just here for my buddy's kid. S/he really wanted to come to the show and didn't have a ride, so.."

Generally, though, I think you're too old to be at da club if you're over 30 unless you either own the place or are working there. Exemptions made for special events like concerts.


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## Steve1000

Lillyness said:


> Does clubbing have to stop just because you get married?
> xxx


I'm older than you and still go out clubbing occasionally when we don't feel like seeing a live band on a Saturday night. Since I got married, it's been pretty easy to get a date. If your husband is not into clubbing, he should still be willing to go with you a few times per year, but since his religious beliefs are pretty rigid. Maybe tell him to go to the club with you to proselytize?


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## Yeswecan

jaquen said:


> That's nice?
> 
> What does you and the married couples you know have to do with my post? Are you speaking for all married folk?


No, only the married folks I know. Read my post. I counted the couples I know. Based on my findings, married couples just do not go clubbing while their SO is at home. Married couples I know go together or not at all. 

Go clubbing and color it anyway you choose.


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## Steve1000

MJJEAN said:


> Generally, though, I think you're too old to be at da club if you're over 30 unless you either own the place or are working there. Exemptions made for special events like concerts.


Let's not limit our lives by expectations of some members of society. If a 40-year old couple go together to a dim lit dance club and enjoy it, it doesn't hurt any one.


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## jaquen

MJJEAN said:


> Oh, Gawd, being the "old guy/gal at da club" is just so awkward!


I think it's only awkward when a person is self consciously trying to pretend to be in their 20s again. There's nothing awkward however about a confident person enjoying an atmosphere, dancing it up, having a good time, free.

I remember seeing a program on the blue zones, and one of them followed centenarians in a small town on a Greek island. In that culture it was customary for people of all ages to gather in the town square and eat, drink, and dance the night away. Everyone was there, from the very young, to the 100+, just having a great time. In that town they don't stigmatize age like we do, expecting everyone over 30 to stay at home, and having the generations blend is considered an asset to society. 

It's amazing to me that so many people here, in 2017, are essentially calling anyone over 30 old and finger wagging over hitting up a club to dance and have a good time. 



Steve1000 said:


> Let's not limit our lives by expectations of some members of society. If a 40-year old couple go together to a dim lit dance club and enjoy it, it doesn't hurt any one.


Half this thread reads like the sad transcript of a 1950's card party.


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## Yeswecan

jaquen said:


> Half this thread reads like the sad transcript of a 1950's card party.


The 1950's were just as wild as today. After the card party.....  June Cleaver was a TV personality. Candy Barr is a whole different ball of wax from the 50's. She played cards as well.

The good old days....were....really good for some.


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## NoChoice

OP,
It seems you may have sobered up and left the forum but I wanted to express an opinion nonetheless. To me the notion of "clubbing" is juvenile and immature and the reason for going to a social gathering is to be out in society. You indicated that you enjoyed the attention and flirting. Do you not see that as problematic? If you still need male attention at 30, outside of your marriage then your self esteem must be quite low. If any random male can make you feel "special" then you are indeed too immature for an adult relationship.

Also, in regards to your Christianity, have you never been told what the word means? Christian means Christ like. The Bible seems to be replete with instances of Christ attending wild parties on the banks of the Jordan and dancing all night at the local Bethlehem night spots. Have you considered the possibility that your void cannot be filled with men's attention, flirting and alcohol? Thus far clubbing has failed, marriage has failed, an experience with Christ has failed so what about the thrill and excitement of an illicit, secret affair? That will fail also since the void is inside you. I dare say that you have not had a genuine experience with Christ nor any of the others listed and therein lies the problem.

Regardless how many view clubbing the fact remains that the majority of individuals that go clubbing have one main intent. If you saw random strangers going into a bowling alley and later coming out drunk, groping and slobbering all over each other would it seem strange to you? What if you saw the same happen at a movie theater, a play, a putt putt golf course, an amusement park or a fishing pier? How about at a club? Association breeds assimilation.


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## TX-SC

Clubbing is a very specific type of activity. Comparing it to your husband bowling, or hanging out with his friends is not an apples to apples comparison. The clubbing environment is one that is ripe with ONSs and people "hooking up". 

Reliving your youth is rarely as fun as you think it might be. Consider other activities that are safer and can give you new experiences to enjoy. Instead of clubbing, have you considered some live music venues? Perhaps you and your husband could enjoy finding a local band, sitting at a table drinking a bit and listening to some awesome music? Then, you and he can go home and have great, drunk, sex. 

Make new memories. Stop reminiscing about how it was when you were single! 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## jaquen

NoChoice said:


> Also, in regards to your Christianity, have you never been told what the word means? Christian means Christ like. The Bible seems to be replete with instances of Christ attending wild parties on the banks of the Jordan and dancing all night at the local Bethlehem night spots. Have you considered the possibility that your void cannot be filled with men's attention, flirting and alcohol? Thus far clubbing has failed, marriage has failed, an experience with Christ has failed so what about the thrill and excitement of an illicit, secret affair? That will fail also since the void is inside you. I dare say that you have not had a genuine experience with Christ nor any of the others listed and therein lies the problem.


Do you really want to go there? Where are the Scriptures against dancing? Going to a party (a feast in the Christ's days)?

When the Lord was creating wine from water for already well inebriated wedding attendees, did I miss his proselytizing? His reprimands to cease and desist?


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## turnera

Lillyness said:


> I guess deep down it is about attraction and the opposite sex. Just cause I got married, dosent mean that I stop being a woman. I think what I meant by 'not about men' was that I'm not looking to 'find men' (as I did in my teens). It's more about dancing / feeling happy /feeling desired and then having that special person to go home to.


Yikes. It sounds like you're ripe for the picking!

Lilly, what you're really asking her, I think, is 'why did my marriage turn out to be such a disappointment?'

To find out, read this book. It will explain a LOT about why you're now going through this. It's kind of the bible on what to do to be happy in your marriage.

I recommend that you read it WITH your husband, one chapter a night, until you're through it. And then do the two questionnaires it will tell you to complete. And then sit down together and discuss your answers to the questionnaires. 

Honestly, I don't see your marriage surviving if you don't.


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## turnera

Yeswecan said:


> I counted all the married couples I know that one of the spouses goes out clubbing all hours of the night. I came up zero. Sure, there is no written rule but there is a time when some grow up and out of clubbing if it was done at all.


And I can count at least ten marriages that have ended in divorce when the wife goes clubbing without her husband.


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## turnera

abbby said:


> I don't see any problems with it. You want to enjoy life? Great! Nobody would tell your SO he can't go bowling anymore, or meet his friends at a bar and nobody should tell you, that you can't go out with your girls.


Uhhh, except for the fact that she's said she wants to FLIRT and that she misses men paying attention to her...


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## alexm

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Been there, done that ... many times. However, I am there as somebody's dad!
> Through the years, I have shared musical tastes with each of my three children. (G, now 23, G, now 21 and B, now 18). In some cases, they dig my music and in some cases I dig theirs. So my son goes with me to a Kansas or Rush concert and he's out of place in a sea of boomers. I go with him to a Lacuna Coil or Within Temptation concert and I'm out of place in a sea of millennials. But we always have a great time ... together.


Done that, too. Brought my older stepson to his first concert last year (metal band, smaller club, 2000 people) and he had a blast. The audience was a good mix of people my age and people in their 20's. He had just turned 16, but he looks older, so they didn't question him at the door. Got him his first rum and coke, too


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## TRy

Lillyness said:


> I have no friends, very little family, I'm married and I love my husband but I miss clubbing. I'm sitting here drinking vodka and fruit juice at 5am listening to music. It's not about the men in the clubs, I just like dancing and drinking and letting my hair down.


 If you "have no friends" and your husband does not want to go clubbing, then you are proposing going to these clubs alone so that you can go "dancing and drinking and letting my hair down" with other men. If you are in an open marriage (like at least one of the other posters to this thread is), then there is no problem with you doing this, but if you are in a monogamous marriage, then there is no way that most spouses would be OK with this. Either you want the advantages and disadvantages of being married to your husband, or you want the advantages and disadvantages of being single, you cannot have your cake and eat it too. I recommend that you take action in finding married friends to have fun with and hang out with. It is common for a group of wives to get together at one of their homes to drink, dance, and have fun.

It is always easier for an attractive flirty woman letting her hair down to make friends with men that want to get into your pants then it is to make friends with other women, but the friendships with other women would be real friendships, whereas the ones with men trying to get into your pants would not.


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## DEMI6

Evinrude58 said:


> If he puts up with a wife clubbing regularly without him, and you have so little to do with your life that you have time you want to waste on clubbing......
> He's not worth having and neither are you.
> Just my opinion.
> 
> Now if once a month your husband takes you out dancing at a club and shows you a nice evening whether he likes it or not...... I could live with that, personally.
> 
> Your urge to go clubbing is strange to me......


You could live with that? Really lol didn't know you were part of the marriage


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-J320AZ using Tapatalk


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## Yeswecan

turnera said:


> And I can count at least ten marriages that have ended in divorce when the wife goes clubbing without her husband.


And I rest my case. :smile2:


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## Yeswecan

alexm said:


> Done that, too. Brought my older stepson to his first concert last year (metal band, smaller club, 2000 people) and he had a blast. The audience was a good mix of people my age and people in their 20's. He had just turned 16, but he looks older, so they didn't question him at the door. Got him his first rum and coke, too


I have taken my daughters to plenty of small venue to large arena concerts. I sit with the parents in the back or in a seat with my kids if a large arena. Kiss, Poison, Def Lepard, and then new stuff like Pierce the Veil, Tokio Hotel and Of Mice and Men. List goes on. But this is different. I'm the driver and chaperone.


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## turnera

Haha, I remember my mom taking me to a concert (Jackson 5? Osmonds? Can't remember) and the girls were screaming so loud she had to leave the building.


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## Andy1001

straightshooter said:


> Yup, that's the new narrative. If we protest anything were just brutes.
> 
> OP, I hope you do some reading, which I doubt will happen. Your formula for fun probably ranks second only to the workplace as the incubator of affairs, especially if you start to do this alone with no friends who actually will discourage you, not encourage you from crossing lines that are so easy to cross when "clubbing" as you call it.


When I was younger I went clubbing all the time,every night for months at a time.The most common thing girls I met would say was I really only go to nightclubs to dance.
That would be the following morning though.
I admire any man who is happy to have his wife staying out until four or five in the morning dancing with strange men,they are generous to a fault.Those other guys might've had no sex otherwise.
I am sure there are women who go to nightclubs without their partners just to dance,but hey,**** happens.


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## turnera

The thing about girls going to a club 'just to dance' is that there are 'politics' involved - people (men) approaching you, you either turning down their offer to buy you a drink or you accepting their offer to buy you a drink. The men who'll keep after you, trying to wear you down. The ones who'll try to get a slow dance and cop a feel. And so on. It's an all-night siege. It's not 'just dancing.'


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## UnicornCupcake

I miss clubbing, too....

I have no desire to meet other men as my husband is better looking and smarter than most of them, lol. BUT I'm pretty superficial. I like to put a tight dress on, do my hair, make-up, etc. and just go OUT. I'm not about the dancing much... I'm more about the sitting pretty. I like to take a good picture, upload and just feel fabulous, haha. I'm also much more sexual after a vodka and when I feel pretty. I feel life is too short to go through it ugly and I feel silly getting all dolled up to go to the grocery store. However, I've started to realize this may be my only option and I'm learning to embrace it.

Is is mostly about the music? The atmosphere? The getting ready? I think if you figure out (REALLY figure out) what is is you miss about it you can apply it to your current life. I've started to become that girl who looks like a total knock out at the mall... The grocery store... Walking the dog, etc. It's made me feel a little better... Like life isn't slipping me by and I haven't fallen into some dull, ugly oblivion.

I find it very hard to find anyone to go clubbing with because the people that are available to do it I straight up don't want around my husband. (I have a few stripper friends and a few crazy ones.) I want to... Compartmentalize them. ONLY have them for nights I want to go out, but my husband doesn't really approve of them in that setting (fair enough, they're crazy, lol) so I don't do it. The friends he does approve of in that aspect don't go out. They sit at home with their children.

Find that works for you!


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## turnera

I agree. As long as it is not ATTENTION FROM OTHER MEN you're looking for, you can do that all without putting yourself in a pit of sharks, one of which is eventually going to catch you and your marriage is over.

That said, let's talk about the elephant in the room. The drinking liquor at 5am. The lack of attention from the husband. And so on. 

If you can't fix the real problems in your marriage, you may as well just walk away now and go dancing as at least a separated woman, so you can do it with some form of dignity.


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## Wisdom Feeds

Marriage is a different ball game. There are just some things you have to get unused to. 1 for sure is clubbing. If you two aren't going together than no. If you knew before marriage that he wasn't into clubs, marriage won't change it. Just turn on the radio, move the furniture, pop some bottles and dance! 

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


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## james5588

I can kinda relate to this...

I LOVED clubbing til dawn. My wife, not so much. Early in our relationship, it became clear that I would have to give one up. Not because she was making me or because of the supposed temptation. I just could tell that it would upset her and there was nothing on planet Earth worth hurting her over. There were a couple of times after we were married that my friends got together and the wife insisted that I go. But it wasn't the same as before and I truly didn't enjoy being without her. Eventually, all my favorites places closed down or were sold and became something else entirely...

I know this may seem random, but I discovered HIIT (high intensity interval training or sprint interval training), made a playlist, and invested in some good headphones. I think they call it "runner's high". But yeah, it is that same kick I used to get before minus the drama. 

Hope that helps!


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## Andy1001

UnicornCupcake said:


> I miss clubbing, too....
> 
> I have no desire to meet other men as my husband is better looking and smarter than most of them, lol. BUT I'm pretty superficial. I like to put a tight dress on, do my hair, make-up, etc. and just go OUT. I'm not about the dancing much... I'm more about the sitting pretty. I like to take a good picture, upload and just feel fabulous, haha. I'm also much more sexual after a vodka and when I feel pretty. I feel life is too short to go through it ugly and I feel silly getting all dolled up to go to the grocery store. However, I've started to realize this may be my only option and I'm learning to embrace it.
> 
> Is is mostly about the music? The atmosphere? The getting ready? I think if you figure out (REALLY figure out) what is is you miss about it you can apply it to your current life. I've started to become that girl who looks like a total knock out at the mall... The grocery store... Walking the dog, etc. It's made me feel a little better... Like life isn't slipping me by and I haven't fallen into some dull, ugly oblivion.
> 
> I find it very hard to find anyone to go clubbing with because the people that are available to do it I straight up don't want around my husband. (I have a few stripper friends and a few crazy ones.) I want to... Compartmentalize them. ONLY have them for nights I want to go out, but my husband doesn't really approve of them in that setting (fair enough, they're crazy, lol) so I don't do it. The friends he does approve of in that aspect don't go out. They sit at home with their children.
> 
> Find that works for you!


If you were made of chocolate you would eat yourself.
Vain much,give me a ****in break.


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## turnera

Why? This is perfectly normal for women to want to look good, be looked at, be admired. What do you think a wedding is all about?

Now, her comments about friends not wanting to be around her husband, her friends being strippers or crazy...those kinds of things can be a bit of ref flag. But women are supposed to be vain to an extent. Just look at the quinceaneras.


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## Andy1001

turnera said:


> Why? This is perfectly normal for women to want to look good, be looked at, be admired. What do you think a wedding is all about?
> 
> Now, her comments about friends not wanting to be around her husband, her friends being strippers or crazy...those kinds of things can be a bit of ref flag. But women are supposed to be vain to an extent. Just look at the quinceaneras.


I'm not married but I believe it's customary for a woman to have her husband at her wedding with her.


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## ReturntoZero

Andy1001 said:


> I'm not married but I believe it's customary for a woman to have her husband at her wedding with her.


No one there is looking at him.


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## ReturntoZero

I had an old casual friend who happened to be female. I always thought she was ridiculously cute and sharp witted. She loves to dance. Her husband? Not so much. She used to go clubbing with her best female friend and another childhood friend who happened to be male. I believe he was either divorced or getting divorced at the time. You would never think anything would happen between "old friends", but guess who ended up in her pants?

She eventually told me he was mortified that their respective families would find out as it would be so "embarrassing". Given how much better looking she was than him, I found that a bit of an odd reaction. This guy was well over 350 pounds. Harmless, right?

Of course, I'm certain this guy was with them simply to make sure they were "safe" while partying.

Sure thing.


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## turnera

Andy1001 said:


> I'm not married but I believe it's customary for a woman to have her husband at her wedding with her.


Hahaha, oh that's cute!


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## Diana7

Lillyness said:


> Clubbing for me wasn't about men, I just loved letting my hair down, dancing, relaxing with friends. I got married because I was in love. And I love my hubby. The more time goes by I feel that this is love and we are growing as a couple. It's just I want to go clubbing and he isn't really into that. I guess I just wanted people opinions on clubbing when married. I guess some people go to clubs to meet people and others just to have a good time with friends. But yes, I got married cause I love my partner. xx


Haven't you made any friends outside the clubbing scene?


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## Diana7

turnera said:


> Why? This is perfectly normal for women to want to look good, be looked at, be admired. What do you think a wedding is all about?
> 
> Now, her comments about friends not wanting to be around her husband, her friends being strippers or crazy...those kinds of things can be a bit of ref flag. But women are supposed to be vain to an extent. Just look at the quinceaneras.


A wedding is about getting married.


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## Diana7

In my day it was discos, that's how I met my first husband, but once I married at 19, and then had my first child at 21, that stage of my life was over, and I never yearned for that time. 

I would never go clubbing without my husband, it's not a good scene, so many just go to get drunk and later have sex. People do stupid things when they are drunk.


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## Bobby5000

If you have to go, can you go only with another married woman or group of women faithful to their husbands. Otherwise, you are playing with fire, doing it sparingly.


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## Diana7

Andy1001 said:


> Two things strike me about the poster.
> 1.Her friends are strippers and "crazy".Something tells me the she is no stranger to the pole herself.
> 2.She doesn't trust her friends around her husband.Something I really believe in is the old saying "Judge me by the company I keep"


I have no idea why anyone would want friends who she can't even trust around her husband. :surprise: What sort of friends are they:scratchhead:

I think the op and her husband need some new friends, couples, who they can spend time with together. Going clubbing with women who are strippers and who are after men would be a disaster and asking for trouble. An unwise moves to say the very least. :|


----------



## alexm

Yeswecan said:


> I have taken my daughters to plenty of small venue to large arena concerts. I sit with the parents in the back or in a seat with my kids if a large arena. Kiss, Poison, Def Lepard, and then new stuff like Pierce the Veil, Tokio Hotel and Of Mice and Men. List goes on. But this is different. I'm the driver and chaperone.


I don't drink when I go to concerts, never have. I'm there to see the bands play and enjoy the atmosphere. He only had the one drink! 

It was a great time, though. He likes a lot of the same music I do, which is pretty cool, as a parent. It was definitely a bonding moment for us


----------



## alexm

UnicornCupcake said:


> I've started to become that girl who looks like a total knock out at the mall... The grocery store... Walking the dog, etc. It's made me feel a little better... Like life isn't slipping me by and I haven't fallen into some dull, ugly oblivion.


My ex wife started to do this 2-3 years before we split up. It came out of nowhere, in her late 20's, like some sort of early mid-life crisis. I was fine with it, TBH - whatever floats her boat. She was happy, so I was happy.

Problem was, she got a lot of attention wherever she went, and her boundaries and morals wore down over time. It literally got to the point where she was spending more time getting dressed and made up than she was out doing whatever she was doing.

Not saying this is common, but it's not uncommon, either.


----------



## UnicornCupcake

alexm said:


> My ex wife started to do this 2-3 years before we split up. It came out of nowhere, in her late 20's, like some sort of early mid-life crisis. I was fine with it, TBH - whatever floats her boat. She was happy, so I was happy.
> 
> Problem was, she got a lot of attention wherever she went, and her boundaries and morals wore down over time. It literally got to the point where she was spending more time getting dressed and made up than she was out doing whatever she was doing.
> 
> Not saying this is common, but it's not uncommon, either.


It definitely does take more time to put yourself together than it does to grocery shop, lol. That's why I avoided doing it for so long. A night out seemed "worth" the effort, waste of makeup, etc.. The way I see it though is I'd rather spend the time getting ready than sitting on my rump watching TV on a Saturday morning, even though that would be more in line with our lifestyle.

However, I truly am tired of the night scene so unless I make the effort for basic daily things I'll forever be in a bun and sweats. I don't want that. I've NEVER been like that so it's not out of nowhere for me. The environment has changed is all.

(FTR: I'm not walking through the mall or the park in a dress and stilettos. Instead of a nice dress I invest in a nice pair of jeans. The stilettos have been replaced with flats, etc.)

I'm sorry it turned out that way for your wife, . Maybe you weren't giving her the attention she needed? Attractive women need to be reminded they're desired. Heck, all women do. It can kill our person if we bop through life feeling unimportant, unattractive or insignificant.


----------



## UnicornCupcake

Andy1001 said:


> Two things strike me about the poster.
> 1.Her friends are strippers and "crazy".Something tells me the she is no stranger to the pole herself.
> 2.She doesn't trust her friends around her husband.Something I really believe in is the old saying "Judge me by the company I keep"


I never said I don't trust ALL of my friends around my husband. I trust my close ones just fine. I just don't trust the ones that are mostly good for partying. I think that's pretty typical, though. There's a reason they're 30+ and still partying like that. I'd be shocked if you trusted every singe person in your circle. especially the extended circle. We both have a pretty large extended social circle because we're involved in a lot of things. The friends I don't trust aren't my besties or anything; they're friends as a result of the same hub. Weird to just take the one negative thing in my comment and roll with it. I swear, TAM is paranoid.


----------



## UnicornCupcake

Diana7 said:


> Haven't you made any friends outside the clubbing scene?


I'm not sure where the OP went, but this is my question as well.

Do you have friends outside of the clubbing scene? If you're like me, you do and just don't have any friends you can spend time with in different environments. I think that's normal. It's hard to find a universal friend... One that good for more than one thing. I don't think I've had a friend like that since university. Now, they're either the sport friend, the shopping friend, the chill friend, etc. I don't have a sport friend I shop and chill with... It's sad, but it's life.


----------



## EleGirl

Andy1001 said:


> Two things strike me about the poster.
> 
> 1.Her friends are strippers and "crazy".Something tells me the she is no stranger to the pole herself.
> 
> 2.She doesn't trust her friends around her husband.Something I really believe in is the old saying "Judge me by the company I keep"


The OP is Lillyness. Please note that the OP did not make the post that you are using here to attack the character of the OP. 



UnicornCupcake said:


> I find it very hard to find anyone to go clubbing with because the people that are available to do it I straight up don't want around my husband. (I have a few stripper friends and a few crazy ones.) I want to... Compartmentalize them. ONLY have them for nights I want to go out, but my husband doesn't really approve of them in that setting (fair enough, they're crazy, lol) so I don't do it. The friends he does approve of in that aspect don't go out. They sit at home with their children.


I know some strippers. And I don't trust them at all since I know a lot about them. But they do show up sometimes in my life. So I guess that means that I'm "no stranger to the pole"?????

Your post is a personal attack against the OP's (and UnicornCupcake's) character. (This is a warning to follow forum rules.)


----------



## CuddleBug

Lillyness said:


> Does clubbing have to stop just because you get married? I feel a bit pathetic but no one knows me on this forum so I guess I can say it how it is. I have no friends, very little family, I'm married and I love my husband but I miss clubbing. I'm sitting here drinking vodka and fruit juice at 5am listening to music. It's not about the men in the clubs, I just like dancing and drinking and letting my hair down. Is that wrong? I haven't done that in years, lost contact with all my friends, so I have none. So I guess the purpose of this post it this question. Is it normal to want to go clubbing still even thought you are married?
> 
> Thanks all, this was a spear of the moment, a little drunk, kind of post. I just want to know if it's wrong to want to go clubbing when married. I'm in my 30s if that makes a difference. Should I want to slow down at 30 or am I in my 'prime' as some might say?
> xxx



Clubbing is for those people who want to get drunk and laid.


You don't go clubbing to remain sober and with no intentions of hooking up if the opportunity presents itself.


Clubbing = single.


Clubbing is for the younger crowd, teens (high school) and 20's (college / university)


I have never gone clubbing since I married Mrs.CuddleBug and she doesn't either, with her only getting together with the gf's to a pub for chatting, eat and drink.


Clubbing in your 30's is getting old and its for the younger generation. 


Someone will yell who's mom is that?


You can drink and party with your hubby, co workers, meet new friends, etc.


Watch the movie "40 year old Virgin".


There's a scene were both ladies in their 30's go clubbing and are told, they're too old and what are you doing here anyway, don't you have a husband, kids, etc.?


----------



## UnicornCupcake

Thank you, EleGirl. I appreciate you defending me, <3.

I thought that comment towards me was just... Odd. I know a stripper (she happens to be my nieghbour so we're friendly) therefore I AM a stripper. Whaaat? 

Anyway, back to the OP. I'm just waiting to hear her responses so we can offer further input, .


----------



## turnera

Diana7 said:


> A wedding is about getting married.


You don't stop caring what you look like when you're married. You don't stop dressing nice just because you're married. And you don't stop enjoying being admired. 

What you DO do is avoid situations in which being admired can lead to men hitting on you.


----------



## turnera

UnicornCupcake said:


> I swear, TAM is paranoid.


No, just experienced.

We've literally seen HUNDREDS of women over the years who saw clubbing harmless, or hanging out with a male coworker as just friends, or helping the married man next door as nothing...until the affair started.

It's fine to enjoy clubbing. It's dumb to expect to get to keep doing it without your husband and think your marriage won't suffer.


----------



## Diana7

turnera said:


> You don't stop caring what you look like when you're married. You don't stop dressing nice just because you're married. And you don't stop enjoying being admired.
> 
> What you DO do is avoid situations in which being admired can lead to men hitting on you.


The wedding day for many women isn't for them to be admired but to get married. Many women don't like being the centre of attention and don't seek that attention.


----------



## turnera

Then why not elope or go to the courthouse?


----------



## jaquen

CuddleBug said:


> Clubbing is for the younger crowd, teens (high school) and 20's (college / university)
> *I have never gone clubbing since I married Mrs.CuddleBug and she doesn't either, with her only getting together with the gf's to a pub for chatting, eat and drink*.
> Clubbing in your 30's is getting old and its for the younger generation.
> Someone will yell who's mom is that?


This is an opinion presented as fact.

The fact is you and your wife felt too old to go to a club. That's absolutely valid.

But clubs, factually speaking, aren't just for people under 30. Across the world people of all ages go to nightclubs and lounges. There are entire businesses that cater specifically to the over 30, and even older, crowds. There are clubs that have specifically "oldie but goodie" nights to capitalize off this fact. I will tell you this, here in NY, if everyone stopped going out when they hit their 30th birthday the nightlife industry would collapse.

If the OP chooses to stay home it really shouldn't have anything to do with the fact that she just turned 30. If she goes out, trust me, she'll be FAR from the only person in that age bracket up on the dance floor.


----------



## turnera

No, my H and I would be out clubbing every month if there were someplace that provided a good dance floor AND played our kind of music. You'd think in a city of 4 million, we'd be able to find one that's not an hour away, but not so far.

The key here, though, is TOGETHER.


----------



## alexm

UnicornCupcake said:


> It definitely does take more time to put yourself together than it does to grocery shop, lol. That's why I avoided doing it for so long. A night out seemed "worth" the effort, waste of makeup, etc.. The way I see it though is I'd rather spend the time getting ready than sitting on my rump watching TV on a Saturday morning, even though that would be more in line with our lifestyle.
> 
> However, I truly am tired of the night scene so unless I make the effort for basic daily things I'll forever be in a bun and sweats. I don't want that. I've NEVER been like that so it's not out of nowhere for me. The environment has changed is all.
> 
> (FTR: I'm not walking through the mall or the park in a dress and stilettos. Instead of a nice dress I invest in a nice pair of jeans. The stilettos have been replaced with flats, etc.)
> 
> I'm sorry it turned out that way for your wife, . Maybe you weren't giving her the attention she needed? Attractive women need to be reminded they're desired. Heck, all women do. It can kill our person if we bop through life feeling unimportant, unattractive or insignificant.


Oh, she got a lot of attention from me... She just realized she liked it from other people, too.

No dresses and heels for her either - all jeans and t-shirts, too. But _sexy_ jeans and t-shirts (and makeup, and hair done, and 'cute' shoes, and, and, and...)

Not saying that women who like to dress up to leave the house are all like she was, but... I now know that if it's out of nowhere, it's a bit of a red flag. If your wife is dressing up to go to Walmart, but coming home and putting her hair in a bun and putting on sweats for _you_, you're probably in trouble.


----------



## Diana7

turnera said:


> Then why not elope or go to the courthouse?


We got married in a registry office with just 20 very close family members. It was lovely. Hardly cost anything and a lovely ceremony. :smile2:


----------



## Diana7

alexm said:


> Oh, she got a lot of attention from me... She just realized she liked it from other people, too.
> 
> No dresses and heels for her either - all jeans and t-shirts, too. But _sexy_ jeans and t-shirts (and makeup, and hair done, and 'cute' shoes, and, and, and...)
> 
> Not saying that women who like to dress up to leave the house are all like she was, but... I now know that if it's out of nowhere, it's a bit of a red flag. If your wife is dressing up to go to Walmart, but coming home and putting her hair in a bun and putting on sweats for _you_, you're probably in trouble.


 Agreed, the only man I want to look nice for is my husband. :smile2:


----------



## turnera

Diana7 said:


> We got married in a registry office with just 20 very close family members. It was lovely. Hardly cost anything and a lovely ceremony. :smile2:


What I said.

What you did has NOTHING in common with weddings today. It's a trillion dollar industry BECAUSE women the wedding to be all about them. That's not a criticism of women; my own DD26 is going through planning hers right now and she's not an evil person. It's just part of society. We've been doing this for centuries, if not longer. It is the typical woman's biggest day in her life. HER life.


----------



## Diana7

turnera said:


> What I said.
> 
> What you did has NOTHING in common with weddings today. It's a trillion dollar industry BECAUSE women the wedding to be all about them. That's not a criticism of women; my own DD26 is going through planning hers right now and she's not an evil person. It's just part of society. We've been doing this for centuries, if not longer. It is the typical woman's biggest day in her life. HER life.


I know many who had weddings that were low key and didn't cost a lot of money. You can have a brilliant day without it being a massive expensive event. I also know women who married who didn't crave that sort of attention and don't like being the centre of attention. It depends on whether you are extrovert or introvert, shy or outgoing, an attention seeker or not an attention seeker. For me the important thing was that I was marrying the man I love, not having to have a massive over the top event. I didn't want that.


----------



## ABHale

Lillyness said:


> Well, to be fair, I was only clubbing from 17-21 sooooo, I couldn't really find myself could I? ;D Is that enough time?


Yes it is enough time. So you are around 24 now?


----------



## turnera

Diana7 said:


> I know many who had weddings that were low key and didn't cost a lot of money. You can have a brilliant day without it being a massive expensive event. I also know women who married who didn't crave that sort of attention and don't like being the centre of attention. It depends on whether you are extrovert or introvert, shy or outgoing, an attention seeker or not an attention seeker. For me the important thing was that I was marrying the man I love, not having to have a massive over the top event. I didn't want that.


I agree you don't have to spend a lot of money; I'm saying that those who do so almost always do so because the bride wants it. Because it's 'her day.' Sometimes it's because the parents want it, once in a while for 'business' purposes, but if it's coming from the parents, even then it's usually because the MOM wants the fancy wedding. Just look at the industry as a whole.

T/J over.


----------



## UnicornCupcake

alexm said:


> Oh, she got a lot of attention from me... She just realized she liked it from other people, too.
> 
> No dresses and heels for her either - all jeans and t-shirts, too. But _sexy_ jeans and t-shirts (and makeup, and hair done, and 'cute' shoes, and, and, and...)
> 
> Not saying that women who like to dress up to leave the house are all like she was, but... I now know that if it's out of nowhere, it's a bit of a red flag. If your wife is dressing up to go to Walmart, but coming home and putting her hair in a bun and putting on sweats for _you_, you're probably in trouble.


I think anything out of nowhere is worthy of paying special attention to. It doesn't have to be a red flag per se, but it definitely should be looked into further so I agree with you there.

However, I have to ask... Are you... Erm... a slob? Do you ever put on anything nice for your wife? If you're always sporting a loose shirt and a scruff maybe she's just turned off and no longer cares to actually please you? I'mnot talking about basic hygiene. Do you ever look your best?

My husband works construction and plays competitive sports so there are (fairly) a lot of sweatpants in his wardrobe. I got so sick of seeing it, though. For such a good looking guy he looked like a total slob at Wal-Mart, the grocery store, etc. It was turning off and made me wonder why I bother looking good for him if he doesn't for me. A little conversation fixed that, though and he makes an effort on Saturdays which is all I asked.

I'm not saying this is the case with you, but it's frustrating to put in effort and have a partner not.


----------



## ReturntoZero

I had a wise friend who asked me what my wife "did" for me?

I answered she was keen to update my wardrobe and was a top shelf fashion consultant.

My friend clued me in that was for her - not me.

My friend was right.


----------



## turnera

My H was always buying me new clothes and jewelry, none of which I wanted. I was always buying him tools and things to fix the house with, none of which he wanted. He wanted me to look nice. I wanted him to fix the damn house. So I try to look nice for him, and I started buying him clothes and cologne. And he finally started buying me stuff for the house (grill, weed-eater, etc.).


----------



## alexm

UnicornCupcake said:


> I think anything out of nowhere is worthy of paying special attention to. It doesn't have to be a red flag per se, but it definitely should be looked into further so I agree with you there.
> 
> However, I have to ask... Are you... Erm... a slob? Do you ever put on anything nice for your wife? If you're always sporting a loose shirt and a scruff maybe she's just turned off and no longer cares to actually please you? I'mnot talking about basic hygiene. Do you ever look your best?
> 
> My husband works construction and plays competitive sports so there are (fairly) a lot of sweatpants in his wardrobe. I got so sick of seeing it, though. For such a good looking guy he looked like a total slob at Wal-Mart, the grocery store, etc. It was turning off and made me wonder why I bother looking good for him if he doesn't for me. A little conversation fixed that, though and he makes an effort on Saturdays which is all I asked.
> 
> I'm not saying this is the case with you, but it's frustrating to put in effort and have a partner not.


Lol! My current wife likes how I dress - jeans and tshirt, or decent shorts in the summer. When my shirts get a little worn, she lets me know...  I shave regularly, shower daily, and smell nice at all times. Do I "make an effort"? No. I'm not a button-up or golf shirt kind of guy, and I don't wear slacks. But my wife likes that.

My ex wife (who is the one I was talking about) dressed the same as me, until she didn't. She was still jeans and tshirts, but like I said, "nice" jeans and tshirts. And makeup, and hair done, and cute shoes. Picking out clothes and doing herself up - to go to the grocery store. :|

I hate sweat pants. My 16 year old went through a phase (like most kids that age around here, and maybe elsewhere, I don't know).

But yes, I look acceptable at almost all times.


----------



## CuddleBug

jaquen said:


> This is an opinion presented as fact.
> 
> The fact is you and your wife felt too old to go to a club. That's absolutely valid.
> 
> But clubs, factually speaking, aren't just for people under 30. Across the world people of all ages go to nightclubs and lounges. There are entire businesses that cater specifically to the over 30, and even older, crowds. There are clubs that have specifically "oldie but goodie" nights to capitalize off this fact. I will tell you this, here in NY, if everyone stopped going out when they hit their 30th birthday the nightlife industry would collapse.
> 
> If the OP chooses to stay home it really shouldn't have anything to do with the fact that she just turned 30. If she goes out, trust me, she'll be FAR from the only person in that age bracket up on the dance floor.



She is 30 years old. That's not a young woman partying. She is a mature woman at this point.


Mrs.CuddleBug and I are in our 30's and we don't go clubbing because we are married.


When I was in my late teens and 20s and single, guess what, I went to clubs, drank and danced and could of hooked up with hotties many times over. Mrs.CuddleBug did the same thing when she was younger as well.


But then you grow up, mentally and physically, and the childish things you did, aren't done anymore.


If I went to a club tonight, I would be one of the oldest there and young ladies (teens, 20's, etc.) would be flirting, dancing, drinking and hitting on me. Is that a smart thing to do as a married man?! Lets think about that......Do you think Mrs.CuddleBug would appreciate that?


Or what if Mrs.CuddleBug went to the clubs with her gf's, dancing, drinking, but they would never flirt or mess around........really?! Common, that's a bit naive.


Clubbing is for those who want to dance, get laid and drunk. Clubbing is not for a happy married couple and who might even have kids.


Why not get some cool hobbies? Take pole dance classes? Get a pole installed in her house? Belly dancing classes? Host parties at her place?


----------



## jaquen

@CuddleBug

However old you and the Mrs feel is absolutely irrelevant to the topic. To be frank, who cares? The OP is 30, wants to go to clubs, and millions of 30+ people are in the clubs/lounges. What does you and your wife feeling "too old" have to do with anybody else? You don't get to decide how other people navigate adulthood. You are totally ignoring facts presented, and even the conflicting experiences of fellow Tammers. 

If you feel too ancient to go dancing, by all means, stay at home and rest. But that's your choice, not anybody else's requirement.

This sounds like a chip on YOUR shoulder. I mean to even say the OP, who just turned 30, isn't a "young woman" is amazing. Many people consider 30 still a pretty young adult. Far too young to be painted in the muted geriatric tones you've chosen, certainly.


----------



## DustyDog

WonkyNinja said:


> :iagree:
> 
> You have a few other problems going on here. You've lost contact with a lot of your friends and feel isolated, you need a circle of friends. If you enjoy music, dancing and a couple of drinks with your girlfriends then do you have any gay clubs around? You won't be accosted by men, they will be pretty good dancers and the women will probably leave you alone when they find out you're straight. The fact that this is important to you and your H doesn't want to join you is a problem. I like to go out to bars and concerts but I like it much more with my W beside me.


My bands play the occasional gay club. I really can't recommend the environment. In those clubs, I see people of both genders getting very aggressive...as the producer, it's not uncommon for a man or woman to grab my arm and yank me away from the sound console onto the dance floor. I've seen people dragged outside and offered drugs. Levels of police activity are higher. No, not every time, but maybe one in five times at a gay club do I see this. I have nothing wrong with the sexual preference, but the behavior in the club environment is not 'better', as far as I can tell.


----------



## DustyDog

jaquen said:


> Not sure where you live, but this isn't even remotely true here in NYC. Even where I grew up, the MD/DC area, there were plenty of over 30 skewing night spots and clubs. The idea that pubs cater largely to the under 30 crowd is literally something I've never heard in my life. Sure there are young skewing pubs/bars, but we're not talking about any real trend or consensus.
> 
> And none of this is relevant. There's this idea that pervades TAM, where people have strong opinions about age. A lot of people here believe that universally life after marriage, and certainly after 30, means packing in the bars, the parties, the clubs, even most of the friends. Your entire social life is suppose to revolve around one person, and your rugrats, to the exclusion of any and all. If people want to retire and settle into domestic bliss after 30 that's all well and good, but there are plenty of exceptions to that so called rule.


Age demographic depends on the club. Several of my bands play music from the 50s through the 90s, and the band members are in their 40s, 50s and 60s. Guess who their audience is? Same age.

You can find "bar finder" websites for any city that will help you find a demographic that's older, and also narrow down to clubs that are NOT primarily meat markets.


----------



## Tomara

Wait I am over 50 (and hot, as age has nothing to do with clubbing) you shouldn't be doing something that would cause another man to approach you, you are married. Somethings have to be outgrown when you grow up. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## mvp4eva

Rare ladies night out is cool.....wife is 30....takes care of our 8 mo. daughter.....she needs a break.

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## Warrior73

Mix alcohol with flirting and grinding and you have a recipe for disaster...alcohol lowers inhibitions and many a married woman has faltered in situations such as this.


----------



## KevinZX

I work night shift as a taxi driver, i see women of all ages clubbing, 18-60, every weekend, the younger girls complain to me that the don't have the confidence to approach men in clubs as much as the older age group do, men will be attracted to the younger women for sure but the people that i see hooking up are in the older age groups. Age as you very well know is a personal hang-up, please go clubbing if it will help you maintain a life that will you sorely miss, it will help your marriage for sure as well, good luck.

Love and peace to all.

KevinZX


----------



## Real talk

I have no problem with my fiance going clubbing with her girls. I'm fact I encourage it. I want her to have a life outside our marriage so she can stay rounded. 

But that's because I know her to be secure and not an attention *****. I know she's not doing it to relive her youth, she actually hates the male attention and is quick to flash the huge ring on her finger. 

This is why it's important to marry people who aren't thirsty for validation. It's one thing to go out to have fun. It's another thing to go out because you find playing single to be fun.


----------



## Diana7

Real talk said:


> I have no problem with my fiance going clubbing with her girls. I'm fact I encourage it. I want her to have a life outside our marriage so she can stay rounded.
> 
> But that's because I know her to be secure and not an attention *****. I know she's not doing it to relive her youth, she actually hates the male attention and is quick to flash the huge ring on her finger.
> 
> This is why it's important to marry people who aren't thirsty for validation. It's one thing to go out to have fun. It's another thing to go out because you find playing single to be fun.


A married person doesnt need that sort of social life to be well rounded.


----------



## straightshooter

Real talk said:


> I have no problem with my fiance going clubbing with her girls. I'm fact I encourage it. I want her to have a life outside our marriage so she can stay rounded.
> 
> But that's because I know her to be secure and not an attention *****. I know she's not doing it to relive her youth, she actually hates the male attention and is quick to flash the huge ring on her finger.
> 
> This is why it's important to marry people who aren't thirsty for validation. It's one thing to go out to have fun. It's another thing to go out because you find playing single to be fun.


LOL, if you had a dollar for every husband who wrote something like this that had his wife cheat on him with some she met at a GNO you would be a rich man. All it takes is one time of
(1) too much booze
(2) too much encouragement from her posse
(3) you do not have to be an attention ***** to meet a guy who there is a strong attraction to
(4) no chance of getting caught.

In case you do not know it, 95% of women who cheat at a club with their friends do NOT leave the house with the intention of doing it and would make the statement " I never thought I would do that"

After the workplace , GNO are high up there on the secenerios of inappropriate behavior. But I know, your wife could NEVER do that.

I guess you will find out.


----------



## turnera

straightshooter said:


> All it takes is one time of
> (1) too much booze
> (2) too much encouragement from her posse
> (3) you do not have to be an attention ***** to meet a guy who there is a strong attraction to
> (4) no chance of getting caught.


Don't forget a guy on the prowl for a quickie with a married woman so there'll be no strings attached.


----------



## Real talk

Diana7 said:


> A married person doesnt need that sort of social life to be well rounded.


Sure doesn't but that can be said about any activity. Doesn't take away the legitimacy of it. 


straightshooter said:


> LOL, if you had a dollar for every husband who wrote something like this that had his wife cheat on him with some she met at a GNO you would be a rich man. All it takes is one time of
> (1) too much booze
> (2) too much encouragement from her posse
> (3) you do not have to be an attention ***** to meet a guy who there is a strong attraction to
> (4) no chance of getting caught.
> 
> In case you do not know it, 95% of women who cheat at a club with their friends do NOT leave the house with the intention of doing it and would make the statement " I never thought I would do that"
> 
> After the workplace , GNO are high up there on the secenerios of inappropriate behavior. But I know, your wife could NEVER do that.
> 
> I guess you will find out.


I understand this perspective, but you need to realize there are types of women who are not susceptible to pressures of their peers and environments. There aren't plentiful but as an ex beta I can recognize the blindness in my own actions which allowed me to justify poor character traits. 

The men who act like their woman would never cheat and end up getting played are simps who refused to acknowledge their flaws and the vulnerability of their women. A man with discernment, high social value and options know the type of women to choose and which ones are more risky. Attention *****s, the promiscuous, the party animals, the insecure and the ones who lack accountability and those who don't respect you are all up there. I was smart enough to not align myself with any of the above.


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## Wazza

Real talk said:


> Sure doesn't but that can be said about any activity. Doesn't take away the legitimacy of it.
> 
> 
> I understand this perspective, but you need to realize there are types of women who are not susceptible to pressures of their peers and environments. There aren't plentiful but as an ex beta I can recognize the blindness in my own actions which allowed me to justify poor character traits.
> 
> The men who act like their woman would never cheat and end up getting played are simps who refused to acknowledge their flaws and the vulnerability of their women. A man with discernment, high social value and options know the type of women to choose and which ones are more risky. Attention *****s, the promiscuous, the party animals, the insecure and the ones who lack accountability and those who don't respect you are all up there. I was smart enough to not align myself with any of the above.


Some women are more risky than others, but I don't believe any woman (or man) is totally impervious to temptation. One of the things I look for is someone who understands this and sets boundaries.


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## Diana7

Wazza said:


> Some women are more risky than others, but I don't believe any woman (or man) is totally impervious to temptation. One of the things I look for is someone who understands this and sets boundaries.


Exactly. There are things we can do to help prevent temptation, and things we can do to open ourselves up to temptation. I have strict boundaries with the opposite sex, maybe partly because of all the affairs that have happened in my family.
Going clubbing, drinking etc are no no's as far as I am concerned.


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