# He cheated while I was pregnant...



## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

So to make a long story short, my husband cheated 8 months ago while I was pregnant. Our son is now 2 months old, we decided from day one to try and work it out, we both feel we owe it to our son to at least give it a shot. As you can only imagine unless it's happened to you, having your husband cheat while you are carrying his child is extremely hard to deal with, literally the first thought in my head was to go screw someone myself or go get drunk..lol..neither of which i could do while pregnant, i guess some people do but i'm not one of those people. i would get so upset and cry for hours at a time, and then get so depressed thinking my stressing out would harm our baby, and then get angry because it would all be his fault...all the while in front of him i was giving him my all, and trying to forgive him. things have been wonderful since, he's been there for me 100% in everything, and from what i can tell (and i've done alot of digging), he's been faithful this whole time. And as wonderful as i think he is, it's still always in the back of my head...i can't seem to let myself trust him fully again because i felt like he was trustworthy to begin with and he betrayed me. well now 8 months later, everytime i think of my pregnancy, or sometimes even just looking at my son i feel the pain all over again, because i will forever tie my pregnancy to his cheating. i don't feel any resentment at all towards my son, he is so great, and i love him dearly...but it's hard not to make that connection and feel so hurt. my husband doesn't understand it, and gets hurt because he feels he's more than proved himself and changed his ways and thinks i should be able to forget. i've tried explaining that i have forgiven him, but it's not possible to forget, in fact it's a little harder because it happened while i was pregnant--sometimes if you get rid of things that remind you of something it will help you put it behind you...but in this situation it's impossible to do. Ahhhh, i just don't know if i will ever be able to be at peace within myself again...


----------



## diane (Oct 3, 2010)

Hii,

I have been there and wrote a post myself today with the same topic...It is really hard. I am 7 months pregnant and he cheated on me when I was 3 or 4 months (2 months after marriage), me too I feel different, I don't look at him the same way and I am not yet able to trust or forgive even though I try to forget, I cry every day and feel we lost the connection and the trust. He repeats he loves me but I feel really out and can't focus fully on the baby, I know stress is not good but I can't help it 
Seems like it may take years to rebuild the trust and like you, I don't trust him and whatever he does, I am sad demotivated and hurt so much...............All I can say, good luck, you have done a lot to forgive already.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Honey, I know the pain you are talking about, but you have to seperate your son, your pregnancy and your husband's actions. If you continue to connect those it will effect your child in the long run. Instead of making it about your being pregnant at the time, focus more on what was going on between you and your husband at the time. Were you fighting, at odds, etc during this time?? Or were you unaware that he was unhappy?? Sorry, don't mean to ask too many questions, just looking for a way for you to disconnect his cheating with your child.


----------



## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

dawnd...no problem about the questions. things were great between us, relationship was awesome, had been for a while...he was having some issues about being scared about becoming a dad, but IMO that shouldn't make you cheat on me. basically he went to see his bestfriend in Cali for a week, originally we were supposed to go together until i found out i was pregnant i decided i didn't want to go b/c i had suffered a misscarriage years back directly after flying and i read that it's not been proven but many women have lost early pregnancies after flying. i just didn't feel comfortable putting this baby at risk for a vacation. he had been wanting to go for a long time, so it was ME who told him to go by himself. i felt safe with this decision b/c his friend is married with a kid, so what's the worst that can happen right? well i guess the guys wife decided to have one of her friends come visit her that same week so she wouldn't be bored, her friend was single. to make a long story short halfway through the week they "hit it off." his phone calls went from 3-4 times a day, several texts, to me trying to get ahold of him once a day and he sounded busy everytime i called. i knew it then, even tho i knew nothing about this girl being there yet. i just felt something was off. once he came home i checked his facebook and discovered they were keeping in touch and i found all the proof on there. i don't hold anything against my son, looking at him makes me so happy, being a mother to him does also. but at the same time it is a reminder. part of me says i should just get over it and trust him. i mean i have all his passwords to everything, i can check his phone records anytime. and he seems totally comfortable with me looking at his phone, he even tells me to answer it for him now whereas before it was always "off limits." i know he's trying, i know he's proving himself. he says it's hard on him too, because he thinks about his mistake everytime he sees me with his son, and he can't believe he put himself at risk to lose us both. we didn't split up at all when this happened, i felt that was giving him the easy way out and i told him just that. i told him if he wanted to work it out that no one was going anywhere, and things WOULD change. we exchanged passwords, agreed on whats right and whats wrong. and it's been a little over 8 months now and i've found nothing, and believe me i've looked. so i feel like i should trust him now, but it's still so hard. i feel like if i trust him fully and he KNOWS IT that he might take advantage of it and do it again.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I would hope that he feels the same way as my H did once the SHTF. My H told me that seeing the pain that he put me through when I found out about his affair was enough to break his heart into a billion pieces. My H doesn't cry, and he cried his eyes out for a solid week trying to convince me to stay and forgive him. I made him a list of things he would need to do ( some of them I got off this site) and we laid down some ground rules. I will admit that 8 months later I was still questioning my H's committment. Here we are at a year after I found out and I can say that him knowing I do trust him to a degree gives us both some comfort. He also knows that it may never be 100%. He has his freedoms, I don't have him locked in the footlocker so he can't go anywhere or do anything alone, but I still do reserve the right to check his phone, email, etc. He also can check mine, I don't care. I think you just have to give it more time, talk to him about it when you are feeling insecure and let him try to reassure you that he would never do it again. Let him help you, letting him be the one to help you with it will bring you closer together.


----------



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi there, 

I think if you want this to work out you have to change the way you think. You have decided that you want your marriage to work for you and your son......
I think as long as your husband is remorseful and being transparent and the two of you have an understanding what is acceptable in your marrige.....I think you have to move forward and look only at today and tomorrow.....
I think you two should get some marriage therapy and maybe your husband should do some individual therapy to help him with his fears as well........
If you are truly wanting this to work out, then move forward in your thinking........know you are doing this for YOU and your SON........
There are no guarantees in life but you can have a great relationship with your husband if you chose to, make it a relationship that keeps him so happy he won't ever think of leaving you or it for any reason.......a little wake up call is good......
Your child is precious ...........nothing is worth more than that.........
jessi


----------

