# Inlaws have ruined my marriage



## daisy39771 (Mar 2, 2009)

Its long but i tried to sum it up...

Hi my husband and i have been married for 2 years, not very long i know, we have a 16 month old daughter. When my husband and i first got married i thought i had the best in-laws i had no idea what everyone complained about until i had my daughter. Ever since she was born, my husband takes anything his parents say over me, even if it doesnt have to do with our daughter. He moved 2 hours away from his parents, on his own i never asked him to, to date me. We got married and we never moved, he lost his job last july because he got too drunk one night and slept through his alarm clock. he didnt even attempt to get a job for 3 months, my father and i were paying the bills ( i was a stay at home mom, until this). i used ot set up interviews for him for guaranteed jobs,and he wouldnt show, but he would tell everyone he just couldnt find one. Then one day he and my dad got into it my dad was tired of paying the bills because he wouldnt get a job. My husband moved back into his parents 2 days later, telling me he moved back because his dads health was bad and he had to do the farm work now. i refused to move in with his parents and begged him for a month to come home. he got a job within 4 days of being up there, obviuosly he just wanted to be back home. So instead of ending it i wanted to try to make it work so i found a rental house 30 mins away from his parents, and we have been here 2 months. I cant get my husband to hang anything on the wall, hook the water line to the refrigerator, put extra things in the storage under the house, NOTHING. But if his parents call he shows up there in a heartbeat to do whatever they ask, He drove 30 mins just to take their trash out. they are not elderly just extremely obese and do not take care of them selves, and are very lazy. Its gottent ot he point that my husband goes to work at 5am gets off at 2pm goes to his parents works for them (not getting paid at all) comes home at 8 and im supposed to have dinner ready and he goes to bed. When hes off hes out there and wants me to go sit at his parents house while he works i cant stand them because of what they are doing to me. i cry when im by myself, we fight all the time, if i go visit my parents for the weekend he always calls and starts a fight and makes me have a miserable time. i hear my inlaws refering to them selves as MOM and DAD to my daughter!!! If i say anything to my husband about any of this he tells me im over reacting, or it starts a hige fight and "I hate his parents " This weekend was my final straw i went to visit my family he called me an hour after i got there and asked how i could say he puts his parents before us, and it started a fight and the minute i proved him i was right he said he was done talking about it , hes not happy anymore and he was going to do some thinking, and hung up. When i got back he wouldnt talk to me about it (like always we NEVER TALK) all he would say is he and His PARENTS talked and THEY decided he should quit drinking, go back to church and move on the family farm. i didnt get a say in this, i was told this is what i was doing. Yesterday was supposed to be my one day to spend with my husband and daughter. My Father in law called woke us up at 7 am and had a full day of free work for my husband to do, and while my husband worked they wanted me to come with the baby so they could play with her. I am absolutley miserable, scared to death of what to do. And my husband is oblivious of everything thats really on, even though i try to talk he doesnt listen if he is home wiht me, hes palying video games or watching tv. He doesnt even play with his daughter if she cries he turns the tv up louder. 

Does anyone have any advice? Or even an encouraging word? i just need to hear something, anything right now.


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## Nicholas D (Mar 3, 2009)

I wish I could help you more but all I can do is talk. I disagree with you on a major point. Your in-laws didn't ruin your marriage, your husband did. Your husband can't say no to his parents, is making you miserable and doesn't seem to care enough to even try to change.

So the question is, is there something in your marriage worth hanging on to?


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## div2wice (Sep 18, 2008)

My goodness....there is a lot of issues here...issues that are more damaging that you may realize.
First, stop letting the in-laws control you! They have no right. They are not your parents, they are NOT your child's parents (them calling themselves mom & dad to your kids is borderline mentally ill)
You need to stand up for yourself, even if it ticks your husband off, he'll get over it. They cannot and should not be allowed to control you.
Secondly, you should separate. It will give you some perspective and time to figure things out. He is controlled by his parents, and clearly a mommy/daddy's boy still. He needs to mature and cut the cord if he wants the marriage to work. Nothing you can do to make him do this, it has to be his choice.
This type of situation is not healthy for you, or the kids.


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## daisy39771 (Mar 2, 2009)

i want to say thanks to both of you for your responses. Since then My husband and i have separated...which puts us over 2 hours apart. the first couple of weeks were rough. He was very angry, which was understandable. We now talk like a normal civilized married couple, he has admitted to many of the issues we had that were caused by his fondess for his parents and to be with them. He is moving down to the city where i am now, in his own place. And our plans are to 'start over' re try dating, and everything we feel that we rushed into everything we did, and we dont want to rush to end this if it can be fixed. We are going to start counceling once he moves down. Our goal is to be great friends no matter how this works out, we are still madly in love with each other the way we were the day we married. We just both need to mature and work on our things together. His parents are still nosy as ever and always putting in their comments, but finally he has figured out he needs to think for himself and tell them to back off. They dont want him to work this out, they tell him i never would have left if i loved him, but at least he knows better than to listen to them now. And hes finally admitted he put them before us, and that was such a big thing for him. Im still veary weary if this change will last but heres hoping for now! I hope it does work out for us because i can remember when we were a wonderful happy family together and thats what i want to be again. Any pointers or tips or thoughts would be great! Thanks!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Your marriage will be difficult at best, if your husband cannot stand up to his parents. 

He need to make your family the priority. I'd quit chasing him, and be as independent as possible. I know you want to keep the family together and are still in love. However, these dynamics have to change.


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