# Not sure what to do?



## confusedaboutlove (Nov 19, 2010)

I know that this sounds horrible but I am in love with two men. I have been with my husband for almost 10 years we started dating when I was 16 now I am almost 26. Our whole time together has been about him. His life, his needs his wants. As I look back now I wonder if he ever loved me. We have two kids together, 7 and 2. I was head over heals in love with him until a few months ago...I fell out of love. I am tired of his selfishness. He works full time and is at the gym training 20 hours a week, he works overnights so we only have Friday nights together.I have been telling him for the last year that he needs to change his hours or something because I need help. I am a stay at home mom that works part time on the weekends. I have begged for my husband to love me for years, please hold me, please kiss me, please touch me, please this please that all the while I have done nothing but been the perfect wife for him. I have had open communication, I cook, I clean, I take care of the kids, I do the bills, I plan all our events, I work out and keep myself very attractive and I work 20 hours a week outside of the home. While he works, trains in the gym, plays video games and drinks beer. Getting him to do something is like pulling teeth, until recently anyways...on to that.
I recently got connected with a friend from the past, about two months ago. I am so in love with him. He is unselfish and sweet, he is kind, handsome works hard, doesnt play video games..he is everything my husband is not.
I warned my husband for years and even months that if he did not try to love me then one day I would be fed up! Well it happened. The last 6 months I begged him to switch his hours, I work at the same place as him, it was an easy switch but the work is harder in the daytime, he said **FU*C** NO! I begged and begged and spent years of lonely nights, and crying wishing that he would love me...
Well I started working on my and gave up on him. I shifted my focus to loving myself, getting back my self esteem and now that I have that I don't like him anymore, I get angry when I look at him. I have been trying not to and to focus on only the good times, those I am afraid have always been about the kids and not me. 
he wants to change now...now that another man may have my heart
what do I do???


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Here's my advice... Make your decision on whether to stay or leave based on your current situation with your husband. Not on anything to do with another guy. The other guy (no matter how perfect he seems) likely has a bunch of warts of his own that you just haven't found yet.

C


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

confusedaboutlove said:


> I recently got connected with a friend from the past, about two months ago. I am so in love with him. He is unselfish and sweet, he is kind, handsome works hard, doesnt play video games..he is everything my husband is not.


If you are indeed still in love with your husband(I'm not real sure reading your post if you are or not.) then try and work it out. It seems as though he has been forced to see the light.

Your friend from the past probably seems perfect because you see in him the ability to get things you aren't being given at home but also because along with the truth he's also telling you some things you want to hear, many people want to make things seem perfect in the beginning of a relationship.


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## Applepies (Nov 14, 2010)

"he wants to change now"

Is he sincere? Is he willing to go to counselling with you?

I know it would be about the hardest thing you've ever done, you can give this marriage a chance. Check out this site:

A Summary of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

It explains how you can restore the love you once had. I know your heart is leaning towards the new guy but that isn't your husband, that isn't the father of your kids. Stepfamilies have all sorts of issues, the kids can really suffer. Restoring your marriage would be hard work but so worth it for you all.


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