# help!!!! I feel like a ton of bricks just fell on my heart.



## belly3201 (Jul 11, 2011)

Last night my husband of 5 years asked me to go to his inbox online and pull something up for him. While I there I saw a strange email from someone I didn't know, and I read it. After reading some of it I was blown away. It was a girl from a job my husband used to work at before we were together. It was all sexual talk & talk about meeting up. I was so upset I confronted him about it & he admitted to the emails & said repeatedly that he has not & will not cheat. He said he doesn't know why he did it. To me this is a form of cheating, my heart is broken. I don't know what to do. We have a 1 year old son. I don't want him to be a kid that gets moved between parents. am I crazy or is my complete madness. what do you think.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Yes it's cheating - an emotional affair at the least - IF you've gotten the whole truth which statistically speaking is unlikely but not impossible. Hold on for what some of the more experienced, especially from the betrayed side (I was the disloyal spouse), are about to tell you - it's going to hurt - but they know what they are talking about. Listen to them. 

So sorry you've found yourself here. This is not a happy place to be but there are stories of recovery and success - mine is one of them.

Good Luck


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

I am truly sorry for your pain. I, recently, experienced what you are going through. In just the two or so weeks I have been dealing with it, my advice is take a deep breath, relax for a bit and do not come to or rush to any conclusions. Now is YOUR time to decide what is right for you and your future.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I agree with cj....do not make any splite second dicisions, think about the boundries that need to be set, and take a good look at how tranceparant and the heavy lifting your H will do to help you heal, or will you need to heal on your own.

In the mean time get help from a pro..the both of you. Educate your self and get informed by getting some books and stay here and post.

Once you get informed and take the time to look at every aspect of infidelity you can make a informed dicision, and with how your H is willing to either help or not help you heal. 

In my experience I found that some rest and the ablity to start eating again gave me the time to make sure I made the right choice to either run from something or run towards something.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

It almost sounds like he WANTED you to find that e-mail.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

It does seem as if he wanted you to find it definitely. I mean think about it when you're doing things not quite right and you're hiding your tracks for that long and suddenly go check my emails....right I think you were meant to find it.

He is asking for help.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

He wanted you to find it so he didn't have to be a man and confess.

being caught is the easy way out for people who can't muster the courage to admit what they've done.


Im sorry this is happening to you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's cheating.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> He wanted you to find it so he didn't have to be a man and confess.
> 
> being caught is the easy way out for people who can't muster the courage to admit what they've done.
> 
> ...



In thinking about it this could very well be spot on. While I'm not proud to admit it this is effectively what I did. I wanted out of my EA, I knew what needed to happen but I just couldn't make myself take that first leap. I effectively let myself get caught because I knew I needed help and wasn't strong enough to just fess up and ask for it.

*If* that's the case it's a good thing, at least in light of the situation. It likely means he understands what he's done and truly wants to reconcile, at least it did for me.


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## Heartbrkn (Jun 16, 2011)

Not to be negative BUT.. my WW left texts on her phone that I accidently saw. She denied everything and continued texting and calling the OM for 5 more weeks. She says it has stopped now after I called and confronted the OM. She also says she does not know why she did it and it meant nothing. By the way, they did everything you can think of, for 17 months, except meet in person and they were working on that.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

sigma1299 said:


> In thinking about it this could very well be spot on. While I'm not proud to admit it this is effectively what I did. I wanted out of my EA, I knew what needed to happen but I just couldn't make myself take that first leap. I effectively let myself get caught because I knew I needed help and wasn't strong enough to just fess up and ask for it.
> 
> *If* that's the case it's a good thing, at least in light of the situation. It likely means he understands what he's done and truly wants to reconcile, at least it did for me.


Good post. Whether he confessed or was "caught", the cat is out of the bag. He is also not denying anything which is a good sign. I agree with the previous posters, be patient, let your emotions cool down, and then get both of you to marriage and individual counseling.


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