# Sad n Hurt



## tall sally (Oct 22, 2009)

I love my husband and I want to be with him. He left Sunday over issues like child suppoort and not talking about it. He told the therapist that it does not effect me because it is not coming out of my check. He lies about the amount he owes, which I do not know till this day. My husband did not have a good upbringing and had it hard. But he has called the cops on my twice, and I am in law enforcement. He has kissed another woman on the cheek in front of me that he did not know, when I asked about it his comment he flt sorry for her. I have been accused of cheating and never cheated at all. He does not like my 19 year old daughter yet he does not try to get to know her. She has moved out of my home and I am raising her 14 month of my grandson. Saturday my husband left him in a papmer for 3 hours while I was in school. When we have fall outs it is about lack of communication, He has trust issues and other issues yes that he has brought into this marriage. Should I fight or let him go. He always run when things get tough. Or he likes to flip the script like I have done something to him, when all I ask for is truthfullness. Their are some things I left out but can anyone give me some ideas where his head could be.


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## CMC125 (Oct 21, 2009)

Sally,

Your post too vague, please clarify many issues in one post.


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## outinthecold (Apr 30, 2009)

I can tell by the way you are writing, you are very emotional charged or extremely sad at the moment or you are illiterate.

I hope being in law enforcement, you are not the latter.

But, your husband sounds like me,

Passive Aggressive Psychological Disorder (PAPD)

Was he raised by a semi-strong mother type?

No Father around?

Trust Issues? obviously

Rejects you so you have to go after him?

You have to prove your love for him over and over and over again?

He manipulates your words against you?

He interjects feelings into you about situations that feel like there should be no emotions there at all?

He makes you feel sorry for him on weird occasions?

You got a long road ahead, if you love him, recognizing this is the first step.

He has to start "Loving Himself", "Feel He Is Worthy", "Work selfless", "Help Others in Pain"

He has to start recognizing, when he does it, if as I described above is PAPD?


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## tall sally (Oct 22, 2009)

Outinthecold, This sounds just about right. I am far from illiterate. I did not think about PAPD. He does not recognize this. All the things you said are right. It is almost like you were looking in our window. His self esteem is not good. Thinks


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## outinthecold (Apr 30, 2009)

It is a long and winding road to recover from PAPD.

He has to come to terms with childhood problems that lead him to his current circumstance.

Just like an alcoholic, he has to say he has "PAPD". 

From there at least, it is just marathon to get to where he needs to be.

No up hill battle. 

If not with you, he will battle this with any intimate relationship he wants to form. Reject, prove, reject, prove, reject, prove and the cycle of love.

The two things he can concentrate on to immediately help himself is to serve others in need. There are so many people hurting out there because of the economy that selfless service to others is a good start. The second is to concentrate on "Loving Himself"

Here is a website I use, I printed it out and I look at it everyday.

How To Love Yourself In 17 Ways | Attraction Mind Map

As long as there is not the threatening stuff that ends marriages (addiction, gambling, drugs, abuse, violence etc.) don't abandon him, he will just fall further.

If there are things you can live with, make him recognize what he has. It is a big step, his everyday speech and moods will change once he sees what is causing it. That not everything you do is somehow against him or to irritate him or for most men, disrespect him.

Make him see that PAPD is not made up, it is a real psychological disorder.

I wish you lots of everything

-H


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## tall sally (Oct 22, 2009)

Thank you for the information you sent on this sight. I did read 
The 17 ways to love myself. I will use these tools.


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## outinthecold (Apr 30, 2009)

My X gave up on me because I never recognized it as a real problem.

Even now, I have to catch myself when using the emotional crutch on my kids.

Recognizing it, like an addict, if it took his whole life to get here, it is going to take a long time to get to where he needs to be.


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