# What to do?



## lovely2011 (May 28, 2013)

I have been engaged for the past 4 years, we have one son together - he is 18 months. Last year, my husband and I got into a fight after we ran into my ex at a club. He saw him and he saw me look at him and he started freaking out. When we were on our way home he punched me because I kept telling him that I was going to see him. I only said that because I was so aggravated. After he punched me I was so frustrated and confused, I ended up texting my ex. We dated for 5 years, I lived with him and had a miscarriage. We ended on bad terms but I turned to him that night because he just listened. Anyway, we hung out the next day. My fiance and I weren't talking because I was so hurt by what he had done. I went to the park with my ex, and we just played and I brought my son along. We just talked, we didn't touch we didn't kiss - nothing. We just hung around and talked. I talked to him about my life and he talked to me about his love life and how things were going for him. We had no intentions of anything happening between us. Anyway, I missed him. After that I just knew that we could never be, my reasons were aparent but I never did tell my fiance about it. Recently I told a friend, I just couldn't keep it in any longer and I just ended up telling her. For some reason I don't feel like I should have trusted her with that big of a secret and I don't know if I should tell my fiance or not. I know he would be hurt. I guess I am validating my reason based upon him hitting me. What should I do?


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

I wouldn't be with either one. I don't care what you did -- no woman should ever be punched by a man. If you marry your fiancee he will probably continue to hit you.

Get out now !!


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I don't care how it happens or under what circumstances but when a man, er, no, sorry, a boy punches a woman the relationship is over. Period.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Sounds like you don't need to be marrying this guy for many reasons. He got issues and so do you. After 4 years you must know its time to go. You went and had a child out of wedlock. Two wrongs won't make it right.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

He shouldn't have punched you for telling him that you'd go see your ex only because you wanted to aggravate him, what he should have done though was to end the relationship then and there.


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## lovely2011 (May 28, 2013)

MrBrains said:


> Sounds like you don't need to be marrying this guy for many reasons. He got issues and so do you. After 4 years you must know its time to go. You went and had a child out of wedlock. Two wrongs won't make it right.


Yes we had a child out of wedlock, we initally planned our wedding but it was cancelled due to family issues. Anyway, I'm not sure if I am ready to give up on our relationship. I feel like once you have a child that is somewhere that you belong and there is a reason why it happened. I guess I just don't think that it's time to move on. And just to add on for those who have concerns regarding the hit, he has not hit me after that. That was the first and the last time, which doesn't justify it but it did happen.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

I watched my mom get hit by her husband when I was eight. Incidentally it was the same guy with whom she cheated on my dad. It was very traumatizing for me as a child, regardless of what my mother did to my dad. Don't let your child be me.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

So you have an abusive BOYfriend... Men don't hit women...

You told your BOYfriend you were going to see your EX. Your boyfriend can see it in you that you still have something for your EX.

You start texting your EX and spend the day with him even though you are in a relationship with another man.

Your BOYfriend strikes you...

Your EX spends the day with you beginning an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR or continuing one.

POS 1 - Girl who is cheating
POS 2 - Boy who strikes girl
POS 3 - EX having EA with woman who has child with OM

Get your act together. Grow up and learn to be responsible!


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Ok. I understand. I too married my wife after she got pregnant. You know there are going to be 500 replies telling to leave the guy because he hit you. Is that why you came here with your story? I won't address the guy hitting you many others will do that. What I will address is your blatant disregard for your own safety by bringing this old flame back into your relationship. You are not ready to be married if you do these things. A marriage is a sexual contract between two willing partners. For better or worse. How old are the both of you?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

So you want to wait until he punches you harder? It's only going to escalate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovely2011 (May 28, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> So you have an abusive BOYfriend... Men don't hit women...
> 
> You told your BOYfriend you were going to see your EX. Your boyfriend can see it in you that you still have something for your EX.
> 
> ...


No, I do not have any feelings for my ex. I hung out with him because I had no one else to turn to and there has been no feelings between us for a long time now, we are both well aware of this. 

POS 1 - I haven't talked to my ex since that occured last year, so it's been well over a year.
POS 2 - He hit me at that moment.
POS 3 - EX and I are no longer in contact. 

So I suppose your post was really not that supportive or informative on what to do. Thanks though.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Are you sure nothing happened or did something really happen? It wouldn't be bugging you if nothing happened.

If nothing really happened I'd stay quiet. But I would apologize for egging your husband on where the ex was concerned and I would expect an apology for him punching you and that any future physical abuse will not be tolerated. You do say that he's not punched you before or since then so I wouldn't throw this relationship away.


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## lovely2011 (May 28, 2013)

BjornFree said:


> Are you sure nothing happened or did something really happen? It wouldn't be bugging you if nothing happened.
> 
> If nothing really happened I'd stay quiet. But I would apologize for egging your husband on where the ex was concerned and I would expect an apology for him punching you and that any future physical abuse will not be tolerated. You do say that he's not punched you before or since then so I wouldn't throw this relationship away.


Honestly nothing happened. I feel so guilty because I actually went to see him in the first place. Like I made the concious decision to go to the park and hang out with him instead of seeing ways to fix the relationship between my fiance and I. And no he has not hit me since or before that incident. Thank you for your advice.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

lovely2011 said:


> No, I do not have any feelings for my ex. I hung out with him because I had no one else to turn to and there has been no feelings between us ...


Ya right....you had NO ONE ELSE to turn too? What about the "friend" to told about the "date"? Couldn't turn to her?

You specifically seeked out your ex to get back at your current dude. 

I don't think you deserved to get hit. No one does. 

This is too much drama. You shouldn't be with someone who hits you and he shouldn't be with someone who lies and sneaks out behind his back with a past lover.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

lovely2011 said:


> Honestly nothing happened. I feel so guilty because I actually went to see him in the first place. Like I made the concious decision to go to the park and hang out with him instead of seeing ways to fix the relationship between my fiance and I. And no he has not hit me since or before that incident. Thank you for your advice.


That IS what happened. You went on a date with your ex. You want to pretend it was nothing because nothing "physical" happened.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

lovely2011 said:


> And no he has not hit me since or before that incident. .


But did he go to counselling for that? Or did you just sweep it under the rug? 

It's sort of a HUGE problem that he hit you.


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## lovely2011 (May 28, 2013)

tulsy said:


> But did he go to counselling for that? Or did you just sweep it under the rug?
> 
> It's sort of a HUGE problem that he hit you.


I am aware of what happened as that is the reason behind my guilt now. yes, it's been a while and no I have not had any contact with my ex but I have thought about it because it makes me feel horrible that I have done something like that. So yes, I am aware of what I have done. And no he didn't go to counceling for the problem as I told him that if he feels like he cannot control his anger and if he turns to hitting me again him and I would not be able to stay together. This is something that I feel strongly about which is something that he has improved upon. And for some reason I feel as if what I have done is somewhat worse in my eyes.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

tulsy said:


> That IS what happened. You went on a date with your ex. You want to pretend it was nothing because nothing "physical" happened.


Why would a man go on a date with a woman he has previously had sex with and just talk? Maybe he's just such a nice guy and wants to start all over at the beginning. My wife did that once. Then she came clean and sex was involved.


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## lovely2011 (May 28, 2013)

MrBrains said:


> Why would a man go on a date with a woman he has previously had sex with and just talk? Maybe he's just such a nice guy and wants to start all over at the beginning. My wife did that once. Then she came clean and sex was involved.


Yeah, there was NO sex involved in my part so two different situations here. There was no physical contact but thanks anyway.


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

Your partner PUNCHED you? No offence, but you don't seem shocked or sickened by his behaviour at all. 

Why did you not ring the police? 

Do you REALLY want your son to be living in this kind of environment? My father used to hit my mum a lot when we were kids, we had to move from hostel to hostel - it wasn't a nice life. I would NEVER want my daughter to go through this. 

You need to leave this man ASAP. You saw an ex at a club and he hit you, god knows what he will do once he finds out you spent the day with him WITH your son there too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

lovely2011 said:


> Yeah, there was NO sex involved in my part so two different situations here. There was no physical contact but thanks anyway.


Sounds like a nice guy.


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