# I'm afraid



## Anna

I am a 57 year old female with two wonderful daughters who are professional, married to great men and each has one of my grandchildren. I am a certified residential real property appraiser and have been married for 22 years to a man who is also a CRA. This is not my first marriage, but it is the longest.

I am afraid because my husband is not straight with me. He lies about everything and hides behind his old mother who does the same. He is an only child. (The operative word there is "child"). 

Eight years ago he left me for a week. While he was gone, his parents, who lived next door felt as though it was appropriate to voice their opinions and they did so hurtfully. I looked for him for days. He had left bills unpaid for months, and when I found this to be the case, I paid them. When he finally came home, he said he was stressed and needed a cruise. Like an idiot, I booked a cruise. It was surreal and still is. I cannot believe I agreed to this. I sought professional help and still maintain this therapy.

Last year, he disappeared again for a couple of days. Left bills with me that had gone unpaid again. I paid them again. 

This year, he has not shared important information with me and has lied about opening a P. O. Box at the P. O. He lied until he realized I wasn't buying the lies and gave in. 

Note that the stories above are short sides of long stories that continue with the same neglect and irreverence. 

It's been lies, deceit, disloyalty, abandonment. We have been in counseling with a therapist and a priest for years. He continues to behave in such a way as to not being believed.

I have lost respect for him and cannot fathom another day. I am older and have lost everything I have ever worked for because of his lies. The only thing I have left is my house which houses his mother as well. She is scheduled to move to a highrise in the next six months. I own this house outright. It was his parents' house originally. 

Last week, while making a deposit at our bank, I found out that my husband had written over $3800 worth of insufficient checks, each being in exactly the same amount. It was unbelievable. He waited in the car while I walked into the bank, and when I was inside, knowing what I would find, he left me stranded. I was overwhelmed, but maintained some semblence of composure. I managed to gather enough money from friends and my daughters to cover the charges. I have closed the account and opened my own. I have repaid the money. I am over this idiot, and am in need of some serious advice as to how to proceed. I am searching for a full time job as I type this note.

Advice?


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## draconis

I think you are all ready on the right track. You have made up your mind to what you want to do, so now you have to understand in your own heart and mind why, plan for it and do it. 

draconis


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## justean

having had some of those experiences you have had, but over a shorter period of time,. i promise you it wont even get better. 
i got rid of my 1st hubby, lies and deceit all the time. we were married for only 15 months ( together 6.5 yrs). he was having an affair last 6 months of that and even after the split. 
for which i filed for divorce straight away. 
the rat bag left with with a £2000 loan and then bought a car and put it against my house ( bare in mind at this point ) he had officially left our house at this point and was living with the girl he had been having the affair with.
the quicker i put in the divorce file, the better it was in hindsight.
but you still might get trouble - it took 2 years to get my ex to sign the divorce papers.... couldnt let go. but im the one that smiling now.
i think you already know, he has to go. 
leaving you stranded, financially and emotionally.
but hes the wally not you.
but thats how i did it. i just filed for divorce as soon as i found out about the affair - it was the straw that broke the camels back.
there is only so much you can take.


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## swedish

Anna said:


> It's been lies, deceit, disloyalty, abandonment. We have been in counseling with a therapist and a priest for years. He continues to behave in such a way as to not being believed.
> 
> I have lost respect for him and cannot fathom another day.


It definitely sounds odd with the money disappearing in that way...gambling addiction or some commitments he's not made you aware of...but something's up with that.

You sound like an intelligent, caring woman so don't beat yourself up for being the good person you are. I don't blame you for being done with this situation. I would recommend talking to a lawyer so you can get a solid plan together that will work out best for you. I would definitely keep any written documentation of his strange bank behavior in case there is a chance you can recover that from him since you had to borrow from family to pay that off. Lay low until you have yourself set up...it should be all about you for a change.

You are not an idiot. There are plenty of people out there that would appreciate and not take advantage of your loyalty and kindness. Take care of YOU now.


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## Josh

:iagree:

You should ask a lawyer for an advice - i think that on the relationship level you did everything right.


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## Cindy

Don't be afraid. You are putting your life on the right track. 

Get a lawyer ASAP and perhaps a private eye. Sounds like he may be paying rent or child support for another party, seeings how it was three payments in the same amount. Look into it! Best wishes


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## Triton

Wow !


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## ceejay

Anna,

I have been where you are now and you are on the right track. I expect that you are emotionally drained and it may be difficult to take action but please do contact a good divorce attorney if you have not already done so. You need to file immediately in order to protect yourself from future debts, etc your spouse may continue to incur. I would like to suggest that you get your locks changed immediately to keep your spouse from entering your home without your consent and for your protection. This may sound extreme, but your spouse sounds a little off balance and it is better to be safe than sorry and to continue paying for his chicanery.

I wish you the very best. Just remember how strong you are and that you have alot to offer. And do not be afraid to lean on friends and family to help you through this difficult time. 

God is with you!

cj


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