# How do you feel about porn?



## Ishtar (Jun 17, 2011)

It seems to me that many women are uncomfortable with porn. Seeing as I am comfortable with porn, I do not readily understand such dispositions. I, by no means, wish to dispute the legitimacy of disliking porn. I ask this in the hopes of cultivating an integrated perspective as I try to do on any issue.

How do you feel about porn? Why do you feel that way?

I'll start: My positive perspective on porn is strongly colored by my use of it. I assume my husband uses porn in a similar fashion as I do, that is just as visual stimulation when my other half is unavailable, so I do not feel jealous or threatened. I would have a problem if I were being neglected, but so long as my needs are being taken care of, I do not find porn detrimental to my relationship. I think porn can be addictive, just as alcohol can be addictive. I do not think anything that is addictive should necessarily be avoided, though moderation is key.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I like porn! 

It is a great tool for me to get horny fast. 

I am not addicted to it, I watch it when I stay in a motel, that's it. 

I prefer porn stories, I read it when my husband wants to get me cum orally, I do it once a month the most. 

My husband is not interested in porn anymore, he doesn't like professional porn, I don't like amateur porn, we agree to watch porn together, so there is not much we can watch together. Besides, he gets to have sex with me at any time he wants, he doesn't need porn to get self-satisfaction.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I am also a woman that enjoys porn. I have been watching it since I was a teenager. I even have some bookmarked on my computer. 

My husband and I sometimes watch it during sex. That's hot! 
I do not have an addiction and he only views porn when we use it together. 

Porn can be a great way to spice things up, as well as a way to enhance masturbation. It only becomes a problem when spouses watch porn instead of being intimate with their partners.


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

Porn is addictive for some people. 

Shared selectively it may not pose a problem for a couple but when one spouse sits watching porn at the computer and particularly pours over porn secretly, it gives a strong message to the other spouse that porn is much more preferable. 

When one spouse invests time elsewhere on porn sites, or away with friends often at strip clubs, it is extreme neglect. With interactive webcams, secret email accounts the scene is already set for illicit trysts and "open" marriages where the other spouse has no idea of what lies ahead.

A porn addict is almost certain to break a spouse's heart. 

What's even worse for the neglected spouse is a porn loving spouse that fails to invest quality time in the marriage, yet the expectation is that the other should perform on demand, be ready and waiting at the end of the day when no time has been properly invested into affection to make the marriage work. The reality is the non watching porn spouse has been left experiencing nothing other than extreme emotional neglect.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I think porn can have its place in a healthy marriage, but like others have said, if used too often, or at the exclusion of intimacy with your spouse, it can be a problem.

I find professional porn to be boring because the women are all faking orgasms and you can tell that they are not enjoying it. I also think it looks exploitive a lot of times and often the guys in porno seem unattractive to me - either really ugly or really skeevy. You don't find a lot of hunky guys doing porn.

I do get turned on watching women have real orgasms and there are a few sites where they show women really enjoying either masturbation or sex and having real orgasms (you can tell by their pulsating p*ssy), and that's exciting and doesn't seem as exploitive....maybe because they are really getting pleasure from it, unlike most professional porn.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I guess I just don't see the point of getting myself worked up looking at something I can't have. Never thought of sex as a spectator sport. I have a wife and if I crave something sexual, that's where I need to be going. I also think some folks get unrealistic expectations about sex when they watch porn. Sitting around fantasizing just seems unproductive, especially for those who are ignoring a live human being in favor of spending time with a fantasy.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I'm not in it, but I should be. I am a Greek God.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I promised myself I would let this one go, and I'm going to...but,

My two cents worth - porn in a healthy marriage - great.

Porn in a marriage with problems - terrible - makes things worse.

I could never, ever compete.

All I'm going to say.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I see porn as being very bad for relationships and sex. Porn and the pornification of women in society and in the media teaches women that their self worth is tied to their sexuality, age and looks. They are not valuable unless they look and behave a certain way in bed, and even then they are just *****s and ****s.

I believe that without porn and with proper education people would have much better sex lives.

A lot of men and women seem to have their fantasies shaped by porn. This is really bad because porn is fake sex. Porn is telling us what turns us on and creating fetishes in people, rather then allowing them to discover their own sexuality in a healthy way.

A huge issue in porn is that the women are passive, there is more and more violence towards women in porn and women don't seem to be active participants, in the sense that it's not about pleasuring the woman. In essence they are reduced to fu([email protected] objects rather than, real people with thoughts, feelings, ideas and likes and dislikes of there own.

I think porn also takes advantage of women who are young (mostly under 21) and vulnerable. Statistics show that almost all women in the industry have been or are being sexually abused. It also shows that these women have few choices as they are almost allways from low socio ecenomic backgrounds with little education. Many are drug or alcohol addicted. Moreover women within the sex industry there are many women who are the victims of sex trafficking, so when you watch porn you just don't know if you are watching a sex slave or not. That to me is enough right there to never watch it again. Also many women who exit the industry report being coerced bullied and raped.

I am not comfortable watching material that uses women like that, and do not believe we have the right to use other human beings and exploit them in such a way for own pleasure.


Porn also changes the brain and is highly addictive, it is shown that men who watch a lot of porn have unrealistic expectations of sex, and feel less attraction for their wives then men who do not consume porn. Also studies show it often makes women feel inadequate.

Most importantly human beings, men or women should never be treated like they are a commodity, as if they should be bought and sold. People should not be for sale. We should value women more then that.

It is prostitution, just filmed so when you consume porn you are supporting prostitution, and also adding other people to your sex life. If you wouldn't be Ok with adding a real live person to your bedroom, you shouldn't be doing it via porn, because they are still real live people, just captured on film. Adding third parties no matter how does nothing to bring two people closer together.

Even though porn may turn me on, it would be selfish to use it when it harms women, and it would be bad for my imagination and bad for my sex life IMO. I feel that we have unlimited imaginations that we should be using, and we should be appreciating our partners and focusing on the amazing things they can bring to and enhance our sex lives with, rather then a computer image, of an unrealistic third party.

I could go on, but I guess that's enough for now.


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## Katya (Jun 23, 2011)

Syrum said:


> I see porn as being very bad for relationships and sex. Porn and the pornification of women in society and in the media teaches women that their self worth is tied to their sexuality, age and looks. They are not valuable unless they look and behave a certain way in bed, and even then they are just *****s and ****s.
> 
> I believe that without porn and with proper education people would have much better sex lives.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I have seen my share of porn in my days thats for sure. My wife and have I viewed it together on occassions. Not often though, for its something I could take or leave, and my wife seems to feel the same way. 

Since its become such a epidemic as far as it being a problem in some marriages, I think its something that needs to be discussed before marriage. If one likes it and one doesn't it should be the deal breaker right there, why? because you shouldn't marry in hopes your spouse will grow to like porn, and you shouldn't marry in hopes your spouse will no longer like it, chances are neither will work. 

I do think there are some people who tell their spouse they do not like it when in fact they do, which would be a lie to the spouse so if thats the case, once again should be a deal beaker based on the lie. I alse think there are some people who don't really care for porn then suddenly start to view it out of marriage troubles and or lack of sex. Still people need to set boundaries. If its not something you like or would tolerate, it needs to be known up front so if the situation ever does present itself you can go from there on what to do.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Porn gets you horny fast. That's why they make it. It also objectifies. I'm not a fan. I am a fan of trying all sorts of unspeakable's with my lover.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Syrum said:


> I see porn as being very bad for relationships and sex. Porn and the pornification of women in society and in the media teaches women that their self worth is tied to their sexuality, age and looks. They are not valuable unless they look and behave a certain way in bed, and even then they are just *****s and ****s.
> 
> I believe that without porn and with proper education people would have much better sex lives.
> 
> A lot of men and women seem to have their fantasies shaped by porn. This is really bad because porn is fake sex. Porn is telling us what turns us on and creating fetishes in people, rather then allowing them to discover their own sexuality in a healthy way.


Thank you Syrum for being bold in stating your opinion on this topic. Yes, pornography objectifies women and fantasizes sex. People who constantly live in their own fantasy world of sex will often turn to other places (or people) to have their needs met instead of turning to their spouse. Sometimes, those needs are not only sexual but may be emotional as well. Those who try to have emotional needs met through sexual means will never be satisfied.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I'm not a big fan of it, although I have seen it before. It has nothing to do with insecurity, but more of just a choice. I think it becomes more of a issue when people tend to replace their spouse with porn. I can see why that would be an issue. Value what you have at home, not whats on a screen.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

CallaLily said:


> I'm not a big fan of it, although I have seen it before. It has nothing to do with insecurity, but more of just a choice. I think it becomes more of a issue when people tend to replace their spouse with porn. I can see why that would be an issue. Value what you have at home, not whats on a screen.


Amen!

It feels absolutely terrible when you come home and know that your spouse has pleasured themselves to nameless people on the internet while you weren't home and then tell you they're too tired to engage in intimacy with you.

It kills your very soul.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

When my husband and I first dated and first were married we watched it some. It was something I could take or leave as well. Now we never watch it, I think for me it was more about working on my marriage and being focused on that between me and my husband not what strangers on a screen could or couldn't do for my sex life, because actually they weren't doing much for it. 

It never bothered me as far as being insecure about it, if anything, over the years I started to feel pity for those men/and women who chose to show their insecurities to the world. Thats what porn is to me now. Men and women who want to make a buck by showing their insecurities about their bodies and lives to others. IMO, most people who go into porn, its not about them being secure, its about them being insecure and filling that empty void. And yes people pay millions upon millions of dollars to be a part of those peoples choices to do so.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> depends on what kind of porn.i love girl/girl porn bc it's just prettier
> :lol::lol::iagree::iagree: Me too mama!
> 
> i like the one on one guy/girl porn too.H and I never really used it as a way to get horny,but we did try to act out the different scenes sometimes and that was fun. Oh my God, you nasty girl! :rofl: You are my heroine.
> ...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Nina Hartley.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I didn't use or look at much porn as long as we were having lots of sex and even when the sex tailed off some I would just think about my wife when helping myself.

BUT after awhile after being rejected over and over again. it became harder and harder to complete the deed. because its hard to fantasize about someone who dose not want to have sex.

so I have used porn But I prefer normal looking people (amatures or that kind of thing) Its not so much as the act its more about the desire.and the porn stars seem fake plus I think the porn industry dose prey on young women in unfortunate situations.

The few time we have watched it together It was uncomfortable and awkward but I did notice that when we started to fool aroud she was nice and wet.

I asked her awhile ago if she would watch some if I brought some less ranchy ,more classey porn(did I just type classey porn!) and she said a half hearted ok. I did pick a dvd up but have been reluctant to introduce it. lately we have been more active in the bed room so maybe it would be a good time to bring it up.

So as far as my opinion on porn I would say that as long as we were having good frequent sex I wouldn't even look at it.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Riverside MFT said:


> Thank you Syrum for being bold in stating your opinion on this topic. Yes, pornography objectifies women and fantasizes sex. People who constantly live in their own fantasy world of sex will often turn to other places (or people) to have their needs met instead of turning to their spouse. Sometimes, those needs are not only sexual but may be emotional as well. Those who try to have emotional needs met through sexual means will never be satisfied.


Thank you and :iagree:.


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## NikL (Jun 25, 2011)

What about erotica? You know, racy reading material with vivid descriptions of sexual activity? I actually find this to be much more exciting when it's well written and it's not like I am viewing other "acting" like they are enjoying sex.


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## Ayrun (Jun 12, 2011)

As a man, I think its a waste of time.


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## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

I'm ok w/ it as long as I watch it w/ hubby


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## momof2bellas (Jun 27, 2011)

My husband and I used to enjoy watching porn together...that is until I caught him viewing it without me and downloading playboy. Now Im not one to be a jealous asshat about stuff like that but hiding it from me, really hurt. Since then, hes asked to watch it with me but it just doesn't feel the same ya know? I watch it alone, and I KNOW he does as he leaves his computer on and I check but the thought of watching with him, feels very weird to me so...


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## NikL (Jun 25, 2011)

Wow momof2bellas, let me get this straight, you are hurt that we watches it alone but you do it too? I think I might be missing something here.


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