# Closed legs



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

This is a spin off on the the thread "marriage=open legs." I think thats wonderful, BUT...what would cause you to close your legs from sex? Abuse of any kind? Cheating? Resentments? etc.

I see a lot of people who do the opposite in the marriage. I'm not saying its right or wrong, BUT in some situations I may could understand. If you're not going to divorce due to cheating or abuse (for example) and you choose to stay and your partner still treats you the same, do you still lay down with them?


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

CallaLily said:


> If you're not going to divorce due to cheating or abuse (for example) and you choose to stay and your partner still treats you the same, do you still lay down with them?


I know of a woman in a situation like this. Their kids are grown and out of the house, and its still not a good situation. She still continues to lay down with a man who abuses her treats her poorly. Her reason to me, "its whats right". Well more power to you then! I will never understand that. I assume she is nothing more than a shell of a woman, and her husband probably views her as nothing more than a hole. I don't see those type of women who continue to do that as a being a martyr or doing "whats right" I see them as sad shells of what they used to be. JMO.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

In my case... no. We co-habitate the same living space. 

Some people can have sex without emotion and it works for them.
Neither one of us wants that, so rather than having awkward uncaring moments, we choose to not be intimate at all.

He's free to initate divorce anytime he wants. He's not interested in losing half of everything. Maybe someday he will meet someone else and will consider it "worth it".


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> This is a spin off on the the thread "marriage=open legs." I think thats wonderful, BUT...what would cause you to close your legs from sex? Abuse of any kind? Cheating? Resentments? etc.
> 
> I see a lot of people who do the opposite in the marriage. I'm not saying its right or wrong, BUT in some situations I may could understand. If you're not going to divorce due to cheating or abuse (for example) and you choose to stay and your partner still treats you the same, do you still lay down with them?


I think if there were any kind of abuse or infidelity in my marriage, it wouldn't just be legs that would be closed.  No, the door would be firmly closed as it swung shut on my rapidly departing figure, because I would not tolerate that kind of disrespect or indignity.

I'm not saying everything has to be perfect, because nothing ever is. Throughout our marriage, we've had any number of issues and 'downers' that we've had to work through. Thus far, we have both been willing to put in the effort to make things work, so the sex keeps happening and helps to bind us together.

I think that if my H refused to put any effort in at all, I would consider that emotionally abusive (and he would think the same if I put no effort in), and so there wouldn't be much of a real marriage left then - it would be in name only.


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