# New Surname



## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I am having a lot of trouble getting used to my new surname. Though we have been together for four years, we have been married for less than a year. I decided to change my last name because I wanted to make a break from my past and become a family. Divorced women give me a hard time about taking Mr.G's name, but their bitterness is not my problem.
When I see my new name on my ID and bills, it's as if I'm reading about some other woman. When I write my signature, I have to concentrate hard not to put down the M of my maiden name. Being called Mrs.G**** makes me feel old; not sure what THAT is about.
For those who chose to take their husband's name, how did you get used to it? Did it seem strange?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

In my last marriage I never took my husbands name. Something about it didn't feel right and i didn't want to give that part of myself up.

I am however looking forward to being Mrs 2ndtime, because I know I am going to love being his wife and being married to him. I will like people knowing that. <3

So I'll let you know.


----------



## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

It took five years of marriage for me to feel like my married name was me. I went from an extremely uncommon name to the most common surname in the US. I wasn't too happy when I went to change it. My new name is so boring.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I think changing my name has been the weirdest part of being married. It's kind of funny, actually. While I've gotten used to MY name being different, it still kind of catches me off guard when my father and sister's names are different than mine--isn't that weird of me? Or maybe just self-centered, lol. But it was always the three of us for so long, that it just seems odd to be the "odd man out" when our names are involved. But I also remember having an argument with some of my older cousins when I was little about how they couldn't possibly have MY last name because, well...it was MINE! So it might just be something I'm funny about. 

What I did do though was make my maiden name my middle name and I find that I use my middle initial almost all the time now. Much more than I ever did before. And it wasn't too long ago that I caught myself trying to sign a credit card receipt with my old name too.

I think it can be hard to break old habits with things you don't really think twice about--I mean really--I give more thought to the tip than the signature at dinner, right? But your name is tied to who you are and by changing that, no matter how happy you are about it, it's changing YOU and that takes some time to process.

Like you, my husband and I are childfree and remaining so, and I think that makes it a little harder too, since for me at least, changing my name was to me the only thing that would really ever make us a "family". That seemed to make it a bigger step still. Plus we do it, it's a pain in the butt and they don't have to! 

It took me a really long time too, and really it just took time and settling into the change and I don't think there's really anything that you can DO to make it happen....it just finally does.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I just like being called Mrs.shen( my husband's Chinese surname), or Mrs.D.......(his English surname)! 

Had no problem getting use to it, just feel sweet when I hear it! 

Few people know my own family name or my Chinese name.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I don't think I would like a wife that wouldn't take my name.

to be honest I think marriage is only for people who want to raise a family.and the name of mom and dad and kids should be the same.


----------



## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Chilly, a lot of men feel very strongly about their wives taking their names.
What happens if you can't have kids? Does that mean you don't deserve to experience the joy of marriage?
Some people just aren't cut out to be parents, either. I'm surprised that you believe that marriage is only for people that want to have babies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> Chilly, a lot of men feel very strongly about their wives taking their names.
> What happens if you can't have kids? Does that mean you don't deserve to experience the joy of marriage?
> Some people just aren't cut out to be parents, either. I'm surprised that you believe that marriage is only for people that want to have babies.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've changed my opinion on this as I get older and see how many marriages fail. only logical to not take a chance with all your hard earned assets when the sucess rate is at or below 50%

not very good odds!!!!!!!

I think I'm just smarter now.


so whats the advanatage to getting married if your not going to have a family(kids)

hmmm.


prenump? good luck with that 



I really love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you but could you please sign on the line so if things don't go as planned I don't lose my shirt.


hell in some states your spouce can cheat on you steel from you and you would still have to share half of what you have with a cheating stealling spouce.

THAT WOULD DO ME IN. no thanks.


guess I'm Jadded a little after reading this board awhile.


the bottom line that I get is people don't usually change.


you can only change yourself !


Joy of marriage.......is that an oxymoron


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Jack White took his wife's name. Jim True-Frost and his wife combined both their names.


----------



## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Wow, Chilly. What a lot of assumptions you've made.
We do not have a "pre nump" LOL My husband has no money. 
Too bad you're jaded. 
We were talking about childfree/infertile people getting married, not divorce. Your response didn't make sense, much like your nonsense about marriage being only for children. *grin*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

When my dh proposed the first question was will you marry me? The second was will you take my last name? True story. I didn't get the ring until I agreed to take his name. 

So now I'm Mrs. lotsofsyllables, impossible to pronounce and even harder to spell polish last name. There are only about 40 of them in the US so I guess it's kind of a big deal to them. My poor son is the only one to carry on the name. Personally I don't give a crap if the name dies or not it's just a name.

I don't know when it felt real but at almost 20 years I'm now 100% totally nothing else BUT Mrs. lotsofsyllables. It seems foreign to me to say my maiden name.

Oh and if I heaven forbid got divorced I'd just be MS. lotsofsyllables. I wouldn't go back to my maiden name unless I remarried. Not only is it my name now but I've got 3 kids with the same last name.


----------



## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> When my dh proposed the first question was will you marry me? The second was will you take my last name? True story. I didn't get the ring until I agreed to take his name.
> 
> So now I'm Mrs. lotsofsyllables, impossible to pronounce and even harder to spell polish last name. There are only about 40 of them in the US so I guess it's kind of a big deal to them. My poor son is the only one to carry on the name. Personally I don't give a crap if the name dies or not it's just a name.
> 
> ...


:rofl::rofl::rofl:
Magnolia, I know what you mean. You should count your lucky stars that at least (I hope) special Polish characters are omitted in the Americanized spelling :rofl::rofl: 

Odds are I should have ended up with an even more complicated Indian last name. **phew** Lucky me :rofl::rofl:

Mrs.G - Time to doodle. Your first name, with your husband's last name.. Just doodle :rofl:


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Funny but I never considered keeping my maiden name. I'm not sure why. I liked it plenty but I just expected that should I ever marry I would take my husband's last name. 

It did feel weird at first but you get used to it and then it's all you know.

My last name is now Rodriguez. There have been times people will hear my name and assume I am Hispanic but alas they will meet me and realize that I am a butt white mutt 

What's in a name? Nada except for maybe a few unspoken assumptions.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> When my dh proposed the first question was will you marry me? The second was will you take my last name? True story. I didn't get the ring until I agreed to take his name.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

That is very interesting! 

It shows a lot of humor in it!

Also a strong attitude! 

And you say he is a beta!


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

reachingshore said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> Magnolia, I know what you mean. You should count your lucky stars that at least (I hope) special Polish characters are omitted in the Americanized spelling :rofl::rofl:
> 
> Odds are I should have ended up with an even more complicated Indian last name. **phew** Lucky me :rofl::rofl:
> ...


Off topic! 

Reaching, I just watched a video about an Indian baby! 

Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute! 

YouTube - Cute baby arguing with her mom


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> Funny but I never considered keeping my maiden name. I'm not sure why. I liked it plenty but I just expected that should I ever marry I would take my husband's last name.
> 
> It did feel weird at first but you get used to it and then it's all you know.
> 
> ...


It only tells me that YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND A LOT!


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

For me, it was pretty simple. MIL said to me that I would always be Mrs. so and so #2, heavy on the #2 part. It was a source of pride to her, SHE was number one and her daughter in law was always number two. She made certain to tell me that I was less than her name wise. Okay. Easy decision, I decided to keep my surname. Hubby didn't care whatsoever. It never mattered to him. I am his wife, he is my husband, that was all. 
She was PISSED. She seethed at me that I didn't take their last name. Furious, actually. She said if you keep your maiden name, you will always be Ms. Number two. 
My parents divorced a year later after I got married and my mother went back to her maiden name, after 38 years of marriage. Guess who became Ms. so and so? 
As for our kids, it's pretty simple. They know what my name is. This is the name I was given. I kept it and they have no issue with it. Mom and Dad have different last names. Cool. Mom was born with a name and so was Dad. They totally understand it. Mom was born with a name and she didn't want to change it, Dad was born with a name and he didn't want to change it. 
Kids are incredibly understanding.


----------



## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Off topic!
> 
> Reaching, I just watched a video about an Indian baby!
> 
> ...


Holy Moly! Now that is sooooo cute :') I wouldn't be surprised if our future kid is going to be that argumentative and prone to dancing :rofl:

I gotta show this to hubby.. this kid is soooo cute :') Thanks for sharing :')


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Brennan said:


> For me, it was pretty simple. MIL said to me that I would always be Mrs. so and so #2, heavy on the #2 part. It was a source of pride to her, SHE was number one and her daughter in law was always number two. She made certain to tell me that I was less than her name wise. Okay. Easy decision, I decided to keep my surname. Hubby didn't care whatsoever. It never mattered to him. I am his wife, he is my husband, that was all.
> She was PISSED. She seethed at me that I didn't take their last name. Furious, actually. She said if you keep your maiden name, you will always be Ms. Number two.
> My parents divorced a year later after I got married and my mother went back to her maiden name, after 38 years of marriage. Guess who became Ms. so and so?
> As for our kids, it's pretty simple. They know what my name is. This is the name I was given. I kept it and they have no issue with it. Mom and Dad have different last names. Cool. Mom was born with a name and so was Dad. They totally understand it. Mom was born with a name and she didn't want to change it, Dad was born with a name and he didn't want to change it.
> Kids are incredibly understanding.


In Taiwan and China, we don't have this custom anymore. Women don't need to take their husbands' surname after they get married. It saves a lot of hassle for government workers and a lot of frustration for family members! 

Sometimes it takes me quite some effort to explain " the Smiths" or "the Greens" to my students.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

reachingshore said:


> Holy Moly! Now that is sooooo cute :') I wouldn't be surprised if our future kid is going to be that argumentative and prone to dancing :rofl:
> 
> I gotta show this to hubby.. this kid is soooo cute :') Thanks for sharing :')


I watched again and again, and every time I can't stop laughing! 

What a cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute baby!


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> In Taiwan and China, we don't have this custom anymore. Women don't need to take their husbands' surname after they get married. It saves a lot of hassle for government workers and a lot of frustration for family members!
> 
> Sometimes it takes me quite some effort to explain " the Smiths" or "the Greens" to my students.


To be honest, I did it for alot more personal reasons than government paperwork. She made me feel less than her. She made a point to make me feel less. I decided to keep my given name for a very specific reason. 
My husband had no issue with this, none. She does though. She often tells me to change my name. Guess what? My eldest is 18 and my youngest is 13 and they know my name. They also know that I never changed my last name and there is a reason for that, far more than what I want to explain.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Brennan said:


> To be honest, I did it for alot more personal reasons than government paperwork. She made me feel less than her. She made a point to make me feel less. I decided to keep my given name for a very specific reason.
> My husband had no issue with this, none. She does though. She often tells me to change my name. Guess what? My eldest is 18 and my youngest is 13 and they know my name. They also know that I never changed my last name and there is a reason for that, far more than what I want to explain.


My passport still has my maiden name, and my husband told my mother-in-law it is just too much trouble to change everything. My mother-in-law had no problems with it! They call me by my English name, they can't pronounce my Chinese name, so just forget about it!


----------



## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Brennan, that's awful about your MIL. Mine discussed the name issue with me soon after we were engaged: "You're taking our name, right? No wife in our family keeps their own name." Luckily, I wanted to take Mr.G's name from the get go, so there was no issue.
My family of origin is nothing short of dysfunctional and abusive. I did not wish to be associated with them, especially after the racist comments to my husband. I wanted to begin a new chapter in my life. I am proud and honored to be Mrs.G.
Being called Mrs.G**** helps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

Trenton said:


> Funny but I never considered keeping my maiden name. I'm not sure why. I liked it plenty but I just expected that should I ever marry I would take my husband's last name.
> 
> It did feel weird at first but you get used to it and then it's all you know.
> 
> ...


Rodriguez? In another post you said your name was Michele....
Michele Rodriguez? I loved you in The Fast and the Furious, Blue Crush and Resident Evil, S.W.A.T. Too Fast, Too Furious and Avatar, Machete, and Battle: Los Angeles, as well as for your role as Ana Lucia Cortez in Lost! You are sooo hot! 

 :rofl:

Not that one.... oops, wrong assumption..... ***sigh***


----------



## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Is it safe to put your real name on a forum?
Only greenpearl knows my name, because she is an online friend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> Is it safe to put your real name on a forum?
> Only greenpearl knows my name, because she is an online friend.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It shows that Trenton is not worried about anything! Good for her! 

I am very good at keeping secrets!


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Mephisto said:


> Rodriguez? In another post you said your name was Michele....
> Michele Rodriguez? I loved you in The Fast and the Furious, Blue Crush and Resident Evil, S.W.A.T. Too Fast, Too Furious and Avatar, Machete, and Battle: Los Angeles, as well as for your role as Ana Lucia Cortez in Lost! You are sooo hot!
> 
> :rofl:
> ...


She spells her name with two ll's 

Don't mind the assumption though...if you're going to assume, assume big!


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> Is it safe to put your real name on a forum?
> Only greenpearl knows my name, because she is an online friend.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why would it not be safe?


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Is that a serious question? Giving out personal details online is flat out stupid.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Is that a serious question? Giving out personal details online is flat out stupid.


The real stupidity comes from believing that others can't find your information if they wanted to or that you are any less vulnerable in your day to day life. Look at Match.com, my friends use it and anyone can join...talk about a personal database of your information.

I understand it if the person is a child. 

Really, I think adults remain anonymous so that they don't have to feel a sense of responsibility for the things they write, quite frankly. It's like an invitation to dump all your thoughts without ever having to admit you said them.


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Is that a serious question? Giving out personal details online is flat out stupid.


Yep. I got burned horribly from something I posted online that was read by extended family. I'm still too naive and probably say more than I should. On this board I picked a random, means nothing name in the hopes to stay more hidden this time.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> Yep. I got burned horribly from something I posted online that was read by extended family. I'm still too naive and probably say more than I should. On this board I picked a random, means nothing name in the hopes to stay more hidden this time.


Nothing I say here would burn me by anyone in my life. I'm a pretty straight forward person so anyone who knows me knows what I'm thinking/feeling if they ask.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> Yep. I got burned horribly from something I posted online that was read by extended family. I'm still too naive and probably say more than I should. On this board I picked a random, means nothing name in the hopes to stay more hidden this time.


I live in Taiwan! I am not too worried about my side! 

But I don't want my husband's family to know that I am posting here! I just don't want them to know all our sex secrets!  My mother-in-law will be shocked if she finds out what we are doing! Her Internet is very old fashioned, good for me! :smthumbup:


----------



## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

A friend of mine, (C) made a new pal on the internet (S). They lived in the same state and a few months after they met S just-so-happened to move into my friend's apartment building. S began to dress like her, adopt her beliefs, and meet all of the same people. She methodically eased her way into my friend's place. S managed to turn C's family, including her dying mother, against her until they began to "see the crazy." C moved out of the apartment building and S would show up at her house demanding C apologize for ruining her life. Luckily C was granted a restraining order. 

The internet is scary. LOL


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

WhereAmI said:


> A friend of mine, (C) made a new pal on the internet (S). They lived in the same state and a few months after they met S just-so-happened to move into my friend's apartment building. S began to dress like her, adopt her beliefs, and meet all of the same people. She methodically eased her way into my friend's place. S managed to turn C's family, including her dying mother, against her until they began to "see the crazy." C moved out of the apartment building and S would show up at her house demanding C apologize for ruining her life. Luckily C was granted a restraining order.
> 
> The internet is scary. LOL


That is hrm Single White Female movie scary. I'm sure it happens. I'm thinking you have a better chance of getting hit by a car crossing the street though.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Feel free to post your real name address phone number ssn driver's license number and birthdate then.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Feel free to post your real name address phone number ssn driver's license number and birthdate then.


KK Thx


----------



## Red Riding Hood (Apr 14, 2011)

I've had the full gamut on names. When we first got married some 20+ years ago, I didn't change my name. My H didn't have a strong preference either way and I liked my family name.

That lasted for a few years until we decided to have children. Then I decided to change my name but used my maiden name as my middle name and added his name as my last (you know like "Hillary Rodham Clinton" except that was before she was ever in the public eye and I was kinda pissed she had seemed to take my idea ). I did that for several years, but it was a royal pain - everyone always tried to stick a hyphen in my name but it wasn't supposed to be hyphenated.

Eventually, I changed my last name to his and am perfectly happy with it. My mom still occasionally calls me by my family's name, which I think is funny.

I guess you can see my transition and growth throughout my marriage based upon my name. 

~ Red


----------

