# 14 years and now it's over



## Forever is never

Hi there, about 10 days ago, my husband said he wanted a divorce. This coming from a person who said they would never leave me knowing I have abandonment issues, knowing what I've/we've been through, my soulmate, and now my biggest foe. I can't believe this is happening. It is so tragic that I'm trying to imagine a life without this person. I sit here, in my backyard talking to my phone. I was a very strong believer in soulmates and love through sickness and in health and now I am alone. I'd rather be ripped apart to shreds in this relationship than to have my husband walk away from me. I work so hard and so long on myself and I had never ever doubted our longevity. I have never felt more alone in my life. My only two living relatives, mom and dad, don't even call me to see if I'm okay. The have emotional issues and can't help me through what I'm dealing with. They can't even be there for me to just talk to. If I cry or I have any negativity at all, they don't want be a part of it. Right before the holidays I'm sitting here thinking I am going to be alone truly alone. I have no kids, no parents, and now no husband. I feel the most abandoned at this moment in life than I ever thought. Sorry for being so sappy. I just can't believe it. I won't believe it.


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## DownByTheRiver

You're going to have to become your own best companion for a while. It seems like people are so rarely who we think they are at first. 

One of these days when you're settled and feel better go rescue a couple of dogs and they will never let you down.


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## Marc878

Go online and check the phone bill. There’s a good chance he has a girlfriend. 
Don’t fall into the save your marriage trap. Marriage takes two. You can’t fix this or him if he wants out.
I understand you are in shock and it’s heartbreaking but living in denial of what’s going on isn’t going to help. Denial is only a temporary comfort zone. 
You’d be wise to pick out a good attorney and find out where you stand.
If you chase they move farther away. Always.


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## Lotsofheart73

Sorry for all this. You will be strong enough to make it on your own. If you’ve had that type of parents all your life, I have no doubt you have the emotional strength within you.


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## jlg07

Do you have any close friends you can talk with about this?
You should start working on building a friends network (may never get to the "close" level, but at least you can meet folks to do things. You can check meetup.com (it is NOT a dating site -- it has tons of hobbies, interests, etc. where folks of like-mind can meet to do things)
Please also stay here -- there are tons of folks here who have gone through what you are dealing with that can help. Feel free to just vent if you want.

Also, take care of yourself -- eat, sleep, exercise (big one -- helps with the stress), don't drink. Get with a few lawyers to understand what the process will be like for you, the finances, etc.. This will help you with getting a plan together for yourself.

VERY sorry you are going through this.


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## Jimi007

When really bad things happen in my life , I go to my bedroom and get down on my knees next to the bed and pray. I ask the Lord for help and answers. I don't always get the answer that I want or even understand the dynamic, yet I always find it helpful. Anxiety is a killer for me. In those times where it was overwhelming prayer always helps and the Lord will take it away.

Sorry your here. I would pray...
Jimi


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## Diceplayer

What reason did he give you for wanting to divorce?


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## Bulfrog1987

That’s tough. I would have been married 15 years next month. My husband didn’t divorce me but he did leave, as in took his life one night when we weren’t home. The problem you have is your letting your husband hold your worth. You’re worth is not found in him.

I understand you feel abandoned, betrayed. I get that, but being caught up in his decisionis only going to make things harder for you. 

I am interested to know his reasoning, men don’t typically just up and leave and you’ve conveniently left out a lot of information. I’m sorry you’re being out through this. Time to learn who you are sister.


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## ah_sorandy

I know all too well the pain you are going through! I'm suffering from a loss of a relationship as well.

I can't sleep, don't want to eat, and I'm not excited by life or living anymore.

The rejection is killing me, and I'd rather be dead than to feel the way I feel. One day I have hopium, the next day it's dreading taking my next breath.

In your case, if that avatar is a picture of you, you look young, sexy, and sassy. I'm sure you'll be able to start over and find someone to love you. Just don't repeat any mistakes you might have made in your current marriage.

As others have said, you need to find out if your H has a girlfriend. That would explain a great deal. If you've given your H all he can handle in the bedroom, he has no excuse to be doing this to you.

JMHO.


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## AdeleCom

So sorry to hear that.. tap into your support group, maybe some friends or work colleagues? It is hard.. I would suggest to surround yourself with people. Loneliness is extremely painful. 
You are not just a wife, you are a friend, a woman and many other things.. Again sorry - this is sad


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## Forever is never

Forever is never said:


> Hi there, about 10 days ago, my husband said he wanted a divorce. This coming from a person who said they would never leave me knowing I have abandonment issues, knowing what I've/we've been through, my soulmate, and now my biggest foe. I can't believe this is happening. It is so tragic that I'm trying to imagine a life without this person. I sit here, in my backyard talking to my phone. I was a very strong believer in soulmates and love through sickness and in health and now I am alone. I'd rather be ripped apart to shreds in this relationship than to have my husband walk away from me. I work so hard and so long on myself and I had never ever doubted our longevity. I have never felt more alone in my life. My only two living relatives, mom and dad, don't even call me to see if I'm okay. The have emotional issues and can't help me through what I'm dealing with. They can't even be there for me to just talk to. If I cry or I have any negativity at all, they don't want be a part of it. Right before the holidays I'm sitting here thinking I am going to be alone truly alone. I have no kids, no parents, and now no husband. I feel the most abandoned at this moment in life than I ever thought. Sorry for being so sappy. I just can't believe it. I won't believe it.





DownByTheRiver said:


> You're going to have to become your own best companion for a while. It seems like people are so rarely who we think they are at first.
> 
> One of these days when you're settled and feel better go rescue a couple of dogs and they will never let you down.


That's what I've been told. Going to have to become my own best friend and find out who I am now after this life. I keep seeing television shows where the guy says, "I'll love you for the rest of my life". Fever means nothing now. Thank you for your support. Still do raw.


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## DownByTheRiver

Forever is never said:


> That's what I've been told. Going to have to become my own best friend and find out who I am now after this life. I keep seeing television shows where the guy says, "I'll love you for the rest of my life". Fever means nothing now. Thank you for your support. Still do raw.


Oh I imagine some of them believe it at the time, but it's a fairy tale.


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## Forever is never

Forever is never said:


> Hi there, about 10 days ago, my husband said he wanted a divorce. This coming from a person who said they would never leave me knowing I have abandonment issues, knowing what I've/we've been through, my soulmate, and now my biggest foe. I can't believe this is happening. It is so tragic that I'm trying to imagine a life without this person. I sit here, in my backyard talking to my phone. I was a very strong believer in soulmates and love through sickness and in health and now I am alone. I'd rather be ripped apart to shreds in this relationship than to have my husband walk away from me. I work so hard and so long on myself and I had never ever doubted our longevity. I have never felt more alone in my life. My only two living relatives, mom and dad, don't even call me to see if I'm okay. The have emotional issues and can't help me through what I'm dealing with. They can't even be there for me to just talk to. If I cry or I have any negativity at all, they don't want be a part of it. Right before the holidays I'm sitting here thinking I am going to be alone truly alone. I have no kids, no parents, and now no husband. I feel the most abandoned at this moment in life than I ever thought. Sorry for being so sappy. I just can't believe it. I won't believe it.





AdeleCom said:


> So sorry to hear that.. tap into your support group, maybe some friends or work colleagues? It is hard.. I would suggest to surround yourself with people. Loneliness is extremely painful.
> You are not just a wife, you are a friend, a woman and many other things.. Again sorry - this is sad


Thank you for your supportive words and kindness. I'm definitely surrounding myself with my friends and a few coworkers but it's the in between moments and plans we had as I go through things. They're momentous of what could have been. Cards will never be the same for me. Words are meant only in that moment and hold no value right? He had me believing I was a rockstar and now I'm left feeling washed up. Again, thank you for your support.


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## DownByTheRiver

Forever is never said:


> Thank you for your supportive words and kindness. I'm definitely surrounding myself with my friends and a few coworkers but it's the in between moments and plans we had as I go through things. They're momentous of what could have been. Cards will never be the same for me. Words are meant only in that moment and hold no value right? He had me believing I was a rockstar and now I'm left feeling washed up. Again, thank you for your support.


You can't depend on someone else for your self-esteem. You are no more and no less than you were when you first met that person. You aren't the disappointment. He is.


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## Forever is never

ah_sorandy said:


> I know all too well the pain you are going through! I'm suffering from a loss of a relationship as well.
> 
> I can't sleep, don't want to eat, and I'm not excited by life or living anymore.
> 
> The rejection is killing me, and I'd rather be dead than to feel the way I feel. One day I have hopium, the next day it's dreading taking my next breath.
> 
> In your case, if that avatar is a picture of you, you look young, sexy, and sassy. I'm sure you'll be able to start over and find someone to love you. Just don't repeat any mistakes you might have made in your current marriage.
> 
> As others have said, you need to find out if your H has a girlfriend. That would explain a great deal. If you've given your H all he can handle in the bedroom, he has no excuse to be doing this to you.
> 
> JMHO.


First, thank you for the compliment. That's me. I was in vacation with him. I had been suffering with suicidal ideations already and have had major depressive disorder pretty much all my life. It's all I think about now. I prey to a higher power to let me die in my sleep every night. He knew this coming into the marriage that there would be times when I would feel overwhelmed and need space. He always reached out to help but I knew from previous times, he couldn't help. He's leads a team of directors so, when I'd talk to him I always felt worse. He would talk to me like I was one of his directors. No facial expression or emotion, just words. If I didn't like the advice or take it, he would repeat the thing that I did wrong prior and say, if you just did what I told you... Hence the last time I asked for his advice and asked to be alone on hard days. He took that as me not needing him and disengaging from the relationship. I wouldn't even want to know if he's talking to someone else because it would only make me feel worse. I'll just let the next girl deal with his lack of emotions and condensing attitude.


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## Diana7

DDo yo


Forever is never said:


> First, thank you for the compliment. That's me. I was in vacation with him. I had been suffering with suicidal ideations already and have had major depressive disorder pretty much all my life. It's all I think about now. I prey to a higher power to let me die in my sleep every night. He knew this coming into the marriage that there would be times when I would feel overwhelmed and need space. He always reached out to help but I knew from previous times, he couldn't help. He's leads a team of directors so, when I'd talk to him I always felt worse. He would talk to me like I was one of his directors. No facial expression or emotion, just words. If I didn't like the advice or take it, he would repeat the thing that I did wrong prior and say, if you just did what I told you... Hence the last time I asked for his advice and asked to be alone on hard days. He took that as me not needing him and disengaging from the relationship. I wouldn't even want to know if he's talking to someone else because it would only make me feel worse. I'll just let the next girl deal with his lack of emotions and condensing attitude.


Do you think he struggled with dealing with your depression? It can be hard.


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## Marc878

It’s going to suck for awhile. There is no getting around it.
Some form of exercise is a great help. Doing things you never had time for. You can’t think about two things at once. No contact will be your new best friend if you manage it. A lot don’t and keep themselves entangled and delay their ability to move forward.


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## jlg07

Forever is never said:


> First, thank you for the compliment. That's me. I was in vacation with him. I had been suffering with suicidal ideations already and have had major depressive disorder pretty much all my life. It's all I think about now. I prey to a higher power to let me die in my sleep every night. He knew this coming into the marriage that there would be times when I would feel overwhelmed and need space. He always reached out to help but I knew from previous times, he couldn't help. He's leads a team of directors so, when I'd talk to him I always felt worse. He would talk to me like I was one of his directors. No facial expression or emotion, just words. If I didn't like the advice or take it, he would repeat the thing that I did wrong prior and say, if you just did what I told you... Hence the last time I asked for his advice and asked to be alone on hard days. He took that as me not needing him and disengaging from the relationship. I wouldn't even want to know if he's talking to someone else because it would only make me feel worse. I'll just let the next girl deal with his lack of emotions and condensing attitude.


Ah_sorandy is right -- go re-find that woman that is in the picture giving the raspberry to the world! Find your sense of humor again and your sense of wonder. You CAN find someone else after all of this. Not everyone is your H. He's shown you the "real" him now (or at least the him he's turned into) -- believe that. Know that this is HIS character fault.


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## ABHale

Your never really alone. Keep praying but change it to “help me get through the day”. Your life isn’t a waste even when it feels like it. My mom felt like you do now at one point and tried/failed thank God. She is happy now a days and we talk a few times a week.

Get help with these suicidal thoughts please. 

Hugs!!!


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## BrittM

It is so scary having to work on yourself and move forward after having a combined life for so long. After 16 years together, my husband and I have agreed we need to separate - but now just waiting for him to leave is making it unbearable. We have to start looking at what makes us happy, on our own, and maybe one day, we can find happiness with another, but only after we find happiness within ourself.


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## DudeInProgress

Forever is never said:


> Hi there, about 10 days ago, my husband said he wanted a divorce. This coming from a person who said they would never leave me knowing I have abandonment issues, knowing what I've/we've been through, my soulmate, and now my biggest foe. I can't believe this is happening. It is so tragic that I'm trying to imagine a life without this person. I sit here, in my backyard talking to my phone. I was a very strong believer in soulmates and love through sickness and in health and now I am alone. I'd rather be ripped apart to shreds in this relationship than to have my husband walk away from me. I work so hard and so long on myself and I had never ever doubted our longevity. I have never felt more alone in my life. My only two living relatives, mom and dad, don't even call me to see if I'm okay. The have emotional issues and can't help me through what I'm dealing with. They can't even be there for me to just talk to. If I cry or I have any negativity at all, they don't want be a part of it. Right before the holidays I'm sitting here thinking I am going to be alone truly alone. I have no kids, no parents, and now no husband. I feel the most abandoned at this moment in life than I ever thought. Sorry for being so sappy. I just can't believe it. I won't believe it.


Why does he want to divorce? What is he telling you?


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## BrittM

DudeInProgress said:


> Why does he want to divorce? What is he telling you?


He says that I don't show the amount of affection and intimacy that he would like. He admits that he has not been 100% partner, monetarily or otherwise, but that he feels that my lack of intimacy with his desire to have a lot of intimacy (including bring other women into the bedroom) is the straw that broke the camels back.


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## TexasMom1216

BrittM said:


> He says that I don't show the amount of affection and intimacy that he would like. He admits that he has not been 100% partner, monetarily or otherwise, but that he feels that my lack of intimacy with his desire to have a lot of intimacy (including bring other women into the bedroom) is the straw that broke the camels back.


If he wants to bring other women into the bedroom, he does not love you. Let the camel's back break and move on.


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## uwe.blab

Forever is never said:


> Hi there, about 10 days ago, my husband said he wanted a divorce. This coming from a person who said they would never leave me knowing I have abandonment issues, knowing what I've/we've been through, my soulmate, and now my biggest foe. I can't believe this is happening. It is so tragic that I'm trying to imagine a life without this person. I sit here, in my backyard talking to my phone. I was a very strong believer in soulmates and love through sickness and in health and now I am alone. I'd rather be ripped apart to shreds in this relationship than to have my husband walk away from me. I work so hard and so long on myself and I had never ever doubted our longevity. I have never felt more alone in my life. My only two living relatives, mom and dad, don't even call me to see if I'm okay. The have emotional issues and can't help me through what I'm dealing with. They can't even be there for me to just talk to. If I cry or I have any negativity at all, they don't want be a part of it. Right before the holidays I'm sitting here thinking I am going to be alone truly alone. I have no kids, no parents, and now no husband. I feel the most abandoned at this moment in life than I ever thought. Sorry for being so sappy. I just can't believe it. I won't believe it.


Married 14 years? How old? Do you have children?


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## Marc878

BrittM said:


> He says that I don't show the amount of affection and intimacy that he would like. He admits that he has not been 100% partner, monetarily or otherwise, but that he feels that my lack of intimacy with his desire to have a lot of intimacy (including bring other women into the bedroom) is the straw that broke the camels back.


Look up blame shifting. It’s probably BS on his part. Pretty common from what I’ve seen.
Let him go and free yourself from this.


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## Marc878

TexasMom1216 said:


> If he wants to bring other women into the bedroom, he does not love you. Let the camel's back break and move on.


I’d bet he already has a girl friend.


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## BigDaddyNY

BrittM said:


> He says that I don't show the amount of affection and intimacy that he would like. He admits that he has not been 100% partner, monetarily or otherwise, but that he feels that my lack of intimacy with his desire to have a lot of intimacy (including bring other women into the bedroom) is the straw that broke the camels back.


Wow, what a way to increase intimacy, let's bring someone else into our sex life.  He doesn't want to increase your intimacy, he wants an outlet for his lust and to get off, nothing more. He's already cheated on you once before, that you know of, but likely very many more times. You got yourself a bad one and sadly you've had a child with him.


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