# Wife travelling without you. Deal breaker for you?



## zanderkat1 (Oct 1, 2017)

My wife has become obsessed with travelling. She became a tour host and travels 2 - 3 months a year without me. She doesn't make any money at it but gets lots of free travel. The problem, it usually COSTS us money. I thought this would be a few trips and it was over. Not so. Now it is causing a very real problem in our marriage. She travels...I can't. If it was just a few trips to Vegas for work...and she was well paid, I'd be cool with that.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



zanderkat1 said:


> My wife has become obsessed with travelling. She became a tour host and travels 2 - 3 months a year without me. She doesn't make any money at it but gets lots of free travel. The problem, it usually COSTS us money. I thought this would be a few trips and it was over. Not so. Now it is causing a very real problem in our marriage. She travels...I can't. If it was just a few trips to Vegas for work...and she was well paid, I'd be cool with that.


Yes it is bull****. So while she is on these trips she is not making any income, but living and spending the money you are bringing in? Is that correct? Uh uh...tell her it ends or you will be seeing a lawyer.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



Mishy said:


> Hi guys,
> 
> I just had a conversation with my wife. She would like to take another job that might require her to travel and go to conventions in cities like Las Vegas for a few days. Of course I would not be invited.
> 
> ...


Work days away....no. Just not good for a marriage. Really not good if in Vegas. 
Vacation alone...no...however...see below. 

My W has gone on a weekend overnight with her female friends. These are ok with me. My W spends the entire time texting me while she is there.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



Tigger said:


> Are you serious?
> You would divorce her over that?
> How high up is she in her career?
> 
> ...


Yes.

To suspect either of those Gentlemen might cheat is obviously absurd.

:grin2:

I do agree though.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



bandit.45 said:


> Yeah I know, but the previous poster to me brought up his experience and so maybe we can resurrect the discussion.


I spent years traveling when I was younger and even up to about two years ago I would travel to Europe at least twice but sometimes up to four times a month.If anyone really wants to know what goes on with these executives and their constant traveling look at the George Clooney movie”Up in the air”.His shenanigans with Vera Fermiga could be based on at least a dozen different people that I know.
People who travel constantly as I did have almost a double life,especially those who have a spouse and children at home.You travel thousands of miles for a meeting that may be canceled or at least postponed for a few days,you are alone in a five star hotel,well, people get lonely.What happens on the road,stays on the road.
I’m not saying everyone does it,I have never cheated but a hell of a lot of people do.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



Andy1001 said:


> I spent years traveling when I was younger and even up to about two years ago I would travel to Europe at least twice but sometimes up to four times a month.If anyone really wants to know what goes on with these executives and their constant traveling look at the George Clooney movie”Up in the air”.His shenanigans with Vera Fermiga could be based on at least a dozen different people that I know.
> People who travel constantly as I did have almost a double life,especially those who have a spouse and children at home.You travel thousands of miles for a meeting that may be canceled or at least postponed for a few days,you are alone in a five star hotel,well, people get lonely.What happens on the road,stays on the road.
> I’m not saying everyone does it,I have never cheated but a hell of a lot of people do.


Exactly the movie it made me think of. The double life is what I was thinking as well. Happens on the road stays on the road. People taking a Vegas advertising campaign to heart a bit much.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



Mishy said:


> Hi guys,
> 
> I just had a conversation with my wife. She would like to take another job that might require her to travel and go to conventions in cities like Las Vegas for a few days. Of course I would not be invited.
> 
> ...


*It ain't "the other girls" that I would be necessarily worried about!*


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*

If your wife and her girlfriends book a vacation to Jamaica, be afraid... be very afraid.

https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2006/jul/23/jamaica.theatre.theobserver


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



Andy1001 said:


> I spent years traveling when I was younger and even up to about two years ago I would travel to Europe at least twice but sometimes up to four times a month.If anyone really wants to know what goes on with these executives and their constant traveling look at the George Clooney movie”Up in the air”.His shenanigans with Vera Fermiga could be based on at least a dozen different people that I know.
> People who travel constantly as I did have almost a double life,especially those who have a spouse and children at home.You travel thousands of miles for a meeting that may be canceled or at least postponed for a few days,you are alone in a five star hotel,well, people get lonely.What happens on the road,stays on the road.
> I’m not saying everyone does it,I have never cheated but a hell of a lot of people do.


I had a very horny 20 year old girl call up to my hotel room on a business trip. I also had the niece or a very famous senator (and famous in her own right) tell me that she was "literally throwing my vagina at you right now".

But, I was married. So I did nothing.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



bandit.45 said:


> If your wife and her girlfriends book a vacation to Jamaica, be afraid... be very afraid.
> 
> https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2006/jul/23/jamaica.theatre.theobserver


I once brought a girlfriend on a week long cruise from Miami.At our table were us two and four nurses from Kentucky.One of them was getting married and the other three were bringing her on a cruise as a sort of bachelorette party.I was really sorry I brought a girl with me because all four of those nurses were up for anything.One of them actually got into a little trouble because she was caught sleeping with one of the waiters.On the last morning my gf at the time was looking for addresses from them and talking about keeping in touch.One of them,Jennifer explained that wouldn’t be wise as their husbands might read the messages.
That’s right,they were all married except for the one who was only engaged.Jennifer had sex with a different man every night of that cruise.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



Andy1001 said:


> I once brought a girlfriend on a week long cruise from Miami.At our table were us two and four nurses from Kentucky.One of them was getting married and the other three were bringing her on a cruise as a sort of bachelorette party.I was really sorry I brought a girl with me because all four of those nurses were up for anything.One of them actually got into a little trouble because she was caught sleeping with one of the waiters.On the last morning my gf at the time was looking for addresses from them and talking about keeping in touch.One of them,Jennifer explained that wouldn’t be wise as their husbands might read the messages.
> That’s right,they were all married except for the one who was only engaged.Jennifer had sex with a different man every night of that cruise.


I dont know what to feel about that. Sadness, anger, pity. Maybe all three. 
Just sad they likely came home to four suckers who asked if they had a good time.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



Middle of Everything said:


> I dont know what to feel about that. Sadness, anger, pity. Maybe all three.
> Just sad they likely came home to four suckers who asked if they had a good time.


This seemed to be a regular thing with these girls and they had it all worked out.Not once did they ever mention a husband or even a boyfriend and we ate almost all our meals together.Jennifer actually messaged me a few weeks later to say she was going to be in NY for a couple of weeks and how did I feel about her staying with me.I answered her,telling her NY was full of single girls and I didn’t need a married woman to screw.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*

I only read the OP, and not the rest of the thread, so apologies if I'm just repeating what other people have said.

But, there is a huge difference between traveling for work and going on vacation. Traveling for work is business only, and about career advancement. If my husband had stopped me from traveling without him, my career would have been dead in the water.

Is that what you want to do to your wife? And if so, in the name of what exactly?


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*

It should not bother me because I know it would be good for her to get away with her friends from time to time. If it was totally one sided (we never went together but she went all the time alone or with friends) then it would probably start to bother me. I go on guys only trips (hunting and stuff). Even if it would bother me I feel like I need to trust people until they give me a reason not to. I think people have a funny way of doing exactly what they want. If she really wanted to go and I stopped her what would the end result be, resentment.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I would be ok with occasion travel for work but never with vacation traveling alone. Travel is a passion of mine and if we aren’t going to be together then what is the point?


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



wild jade said:


> I only read the OP, and not the rest of the thread, so apologies if I'm just repeating what other people have said.
> 
> But, there is a huge difference between traveling for work and going on vacation. *Traveling for work is business only, and about career advancement.* If my husband had stopped me from traveling without him, my career would have been dead in the water.
> 
> Is that what you want to do to your wife? And if so, in the name of what exactly?


 A career brings money in, not spends it.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I miss my husband terribly when he goes away for work...I wouldn't go away on holiday without him - I'd miss him too much, I know I'm a sook but I would lol 

I've got a friend who's poor husband is left home alone while she flits here and there with her parents and friends...late last year she was overseas with her parents for 2 weeks, home 3 days then off overseas again with her gf's for a week. Earlier this year she was off again for a week with the girls.

That I just cannot understand.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



wild jade said:


> I only read the OP, and not the rest of the thread, so apologies if I'm just repeating what other people have said.
> 
> But, there is a huge difference between traveling for work and going on vacation. Traveling for work is business only, and about career advancement. If my husband had stopped me from traveling without him, my career would have been dead in the water.
> 
> Is that what you want to do to your wife? And if so, in the name of what exactly?


It's not much of a career if you're spending money without making any.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

So lets get this straight, she has a vocation that costs you money, and results in an involuntary (on your part)/voluntary (on hers) separation? No. No. No. There is no gentle way to put this, she is on a boat or tour for more than travel. Obviously the marriage does not mean much, but it will. She needs to be grounded. Once she has been denied, you can delve into her reasons, which I am not inclined to believe are strictly for her expanding horizons. One leans toward multiple dalliances (I have cruised/travelled when both single and married-and frankly, ship and tour personnel, were more than willing to share my little bed, especially after a day of sight seeing) I have been in lounges aboard ship that were little more than meat markets. I have been in recommended bars, that were more or less an excuse to get laid. In short, you need to put an end to this and discover the real reasons.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Wife was invited to a girls trip to Dominican Republic to a resort with her divorced best friend. My wife didn't even ask me about it she just said no to her.
Then she was invited again with a group of about five divorced women and one other married woman and my wife tried to keep it a secret from me but I was in the living room and they were in the kitchen talking about it and I heard the whole conversation including my wife saying she hasn't talked to me yet and is thinking of a way to ask me.
I heard the dates, then I pulled out my phone and looked up the price to take a vacation the same week for us to go to NY again.
Later that week I brought up going to NY with her, and told her when I'd like to book the trip. She said let's think about it. I said okay but let me know before the price goes up. I asked again and again and each time the same response. Then she finally came out and said the girls are planning a trip to Mexico and they invited me for the same week you want to go to NY. I said oh I see. So what do you want to do? She said she wanted to go on the trip. I said, and what should I do? She said you should stay with the kids and we will go on a trip next year. 
I said you want for me to sit home and take care of the kids while my wife is at a beach resort in another country in a bikini on a beach drinking all day with a bunch of divorcees? She said no, I won't drink all day and I promise to not wear a bikini. I said okay go and have fun. But while youre gone, I'm not going to sit home waiting for you, I want a vacation too, I'm going to get some divorced/single guys together and plan a trip to Vegas then. She said why single guys? I said because no married guys take vacations without their wives. I said so you go to Mexico with single girls and I'll go to Vegas with the guys. She said how much is that NY trip? 
We went to NY

You don't have to say no, or put your foot down, just figure out a way to make her want to not go anymore.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

JayDee7 said:


> Wife was invited to a girls trip to Dominican Republic to a resort with her divorced best friend. My wife didn't even ask me about it she just said no to her.
> Then she was invited again with a group of about five divorced women and one other married woman and my wife tried to keep it a secret from me but I was in the living room and they were in the kitchen talking about it and I heard the whole conversation including my wife saying she hasn't talked to me yet and is thinking of a way to ask me.
> I heard the dates, then I pulled out my phone and looked up the price to take a vacation the same week for us to go to NY again.
> Later that week I brought up going to NY with her, and told her when I'd like to book the trip. She said let's think about it. I said okay but let me know before the price goes up. I asked again and again and each time the same response. Then she finally came out and said the girls are planning a trip to Mexico and they invited me for the same week you want to go to NY. I said oh I see. So what do you want to do? She said she wanted to go on the trip. I said, and what should I do? She said you should stay with the kids and we will go on a trip next year.
> ...


Now that is what I call using your head.Well played sir!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



wild jade said:


> I only read the OP, and not the rest of the thread, so apologies if I'm just repeating what other people have said.
> 
> But, there is a huge difference between traveling for work and going on vacation. Traveling for work is business only, and about career advancement. If my husband had stopped me from traveling without him, my career would have been dead in the water.
> 
> Is that what you want to do to your wife? And if so, in the name of what exactly?


He said that she gets no money for it, so its hardly traveling for work.


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## bbrad (May 30, 2012)

Not cool.

But one of my really good friends, who is a female, has a husband that does this for work. He gets free flights and and rooms and invites her to go too. Her flight might be on her dime. But the room is free and they have a good time. This helped them establish and gave her the reassurance of how these trips work for him. She doesn't go on all the trips, but always has an open invitation to go. Works for them. But he does book clients that make "them" a lot of money.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I would not be OK with my wife doing that. The reason is that I used to travel a lot, up to 12 weeks a year. I saw what some married women did when away from home. I had three married women hit on me during business trips. Two of them had been cheating for up to ten years. The third just had a crush on me due to my position in the company and income.

Guys cheated a lot more than the wives did. I guess I am hypocritical in not wanting my wife to travel without me when I did that all the time. It is just that my last two relationships ended when the girls cheated on me when I was away from home. I just do not trust women and men when it comes to sex, not even close friends. When emotions come into play, we humans tend to make bad choices. Add alcohol and you have a much lowered inhibition.

If my wife wanted to travel without me, which she never would do, I might not be OK with it, but I would not stop her either. I would voice my concerns and let her take it from there. I learned that if they are going to cheat, they will cheat.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I would be willing to bet good money that my husband would probably *pay* to send me away for a couple of weeks - whether I was making money on the trip or not. :grin2:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

*Re: Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?*



Diana7 said:


> He said that she gets no money for it, so its hardly traveling for work.


Yeah. She is gallivanting around on their shared income. He gets nothing out of it.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

There is an obvious solution...

It's time for separate bank accounts. You split the cost of your debts/payments and she can travel with what she has left over in her account. You can also travel or have fun with what's in your account. Joint vacations can be footed by either or both.

Personally, I would take issue with my wife WANTING to be away from home that often. I think you are staring at the obvious conclusion but afraid to put it into words.


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## Takei (Feb 2, 2016)

JayDee7 said:


> Wife was invited to a girls trip to Dominican Republic to a resort with her divorced best friend. My wife didn't even ask me about it she just said no to her.
> Then she was invited again with a group of about five divorced women and one other married woman and my wife tried to keep it a secret from me but I was in the living room and they were in the kitchen talking about it and I heard the whole conversation including my wife saying she hasn't talked to me yet and is thinking of a way to ask me.
> I heard the dates, then I pulled out my phone and looked up the price to take a vacation the same week for us to go to NY again.
> Later that week I brought up going to NY with her, and told her when I'd like to book the trip. She said let's think about it. I said okay but let me know before the price goes up. I asked again and again and each time the same response. Then she finally came out and said the girls are planning a trip to Mexico and they invited me for the same week you want to go to NY. I said oh I see. So what do you want to do? She said she wanted to go on the trip. I said, and what should I do? She said you should stay with the kids and we will go on a trip next year.
> ...


well done!!!! hahaha


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

so draw the line. limit it to maybe 2 trips a year without you UNLESS she gets paid for it and actually makes money on the trip.


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