# a yr later!



## redtulips (Jul 22, 2012)

Hi all it's been a year now since d-day and almost a yr since I posted here! I felt like doing updates since I am reflective on this.

My story: I had found out that my h, a few mos prior, had had an affair with our neighbor while I was staying with my parents due to bad postpartum depression. It was physical for only a few days before he cut it off. But because he was being dumb (!) he knocked her up so he remained in contact for a couple more mos until she ended that pg. I found out when she was harassing him using a different telephone # and I overheard him telling her to leave him alone.

So a year later, we are together and have a baby girl! Crazy as it is I had gotten knocked up previously. Okay, just so people know, minipills don't work that great... different story though lol. It's been a rough and crazy ride but we just got back from a roadtrip, just the two of us, and working out many things in our relationship. We feel like we are getting each other back and I am feeling super optimistic. I'm so glad I decided against telling my family about this, I'm glad I pushed him and stood my ground but gave it a chance.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

redtulips said:


> Hi all it's been a year now since d-day and almost a yr since I posted here! I felt like doing updates since I am reflective on this.
> 
> My story: I had found out that my h, a few mos prior, had had an affair with our neighbor while I was staying with my parents due to bad postpartum depression. It was physical for only a few days before he cut it off. But because he was being dumb (!) he knocked her up so he remained in contact for a couple more mos until she ended that pg. I found out when she was harassing him using a different telephone # and I overheard him telling her to leave him alone.
> 
> So a year later, we are together and have a baby girl! Crazy as it is I had gotten knocked up previously. Okay, just so people know, minipills don't work that great... different story though lol. It's been a rough and crazy ride but we just got back from a roadtrip, just the two of us, and working out many things in our relationship. We feel like we are getting each other back and I am feeling super optimistic. I'm so glad I decided against telling my family about this, I'm glad I pushed him and stood my ground but gave it a chance.


I'm glad you're doing well and of course wish you continued happiness. I don't think anyone would have advised you not to expose his cheating to your family, because that's considered rug sweeping - and usually doesn't work out so well.

I hope he will continue to faithful to you and that you never have regrets for not giving him more consequences.


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## redtulips (Jul 22, 2012)

I didn't expose it to my family because that would have made it more difficult *for me*. They are very religious people and I would have had to choose between them and him at that pt, as they already don't like him for not being religious. I chose what was best for me at that time and now I am glad I made that decision.

The circumstances were different for him when the cheating happened than what I usually see. It was a very very very rough time for us both and we have used the actions of us both to learn and figure out how to react better in the future. I have a lot of optimism and confidence right now as he's owned up to everything and has shown a willingness to do whatever it takes!


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## redtulips (Jul 22, 2012)

oh yes, i meant also to ask if anyone has advice from this pt forward


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

redtulips said:


> oh yes, i meant also to ask if anyone has advice from this pt forward


Keep a good eye on him.


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## redtulips (Jul 22, 2012)

badmemory said:


> Keep a good eye on him.


oh yes


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## redtulips (Jul 22, 2012)

i guess i want to say.. as i'm reflecting on this and reliving this to some extent, that it's forever a part of our relationship but.. i am finally starting to feel things be restored, emotionally, my ability to trust him and understand what the affair means about him and our relationship. It's been a very long and tough year...


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Yes it's only been a year, and although you are sure he's not just saying/acting a certain way to keep you there, people can slip into old habits, and get a little sneakier about them as time goes along. 

I do pray he isn't that foolish, and that you and your child all have a happy life. 

My advice as well, keep taking those road trips now and then. Get out into the world and see God's beauty. It's refreshing for the soul.


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## redtulips (Jul 22, 2012)

doubletrouble said:


> Yes it's only been a year, and although you are sure he's not just saying/acting a certain way to keep you there, people can slip into old habits, and get a little sneakier about them as time goes along.
> 
> I do pray he isn't that foolish, and that you and your child all have a happy life.
> 
> My advice as well, keep taking those road trips now and then. Get out into the world and see God's beauty. It's refreshing for the soul.


Thanks . I cant be SURE about anything but... the circumstances he cheated in were def very very difficult. I'm not gonna say its been a bed of roses this past yr..there was a time i was seriously considering a divorce and coming up with a plan, but what gives me the serious hope is the sense of connection we've had lately... that i feel like i'm finally seeing what is really going on with him and what he's feeling. If that can continue and i feel like i'm with the man i married i think we can build on that!


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