# I did it, now what?



## onelonelymom (Feb 3, 2010)

I did it, I filed for divorce this morning. He has no idea what is coming to him, they are going to "serve" him with the papers next week. I am a little afraid of him and what he would do if I brought this up, so I went behind his back and filed. he has never hit me, but he has come close, so you never know. 
I am staying with my family, they are helping me thru all of this. Without them I don't think I could have done it, but I did. I just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't even hesitate signing this morning, I signed the papers like it was nothing (or so my mom said). 
My stomach is in knots, but I feel like 10,000 pounds have been lifted off the 50,000 pounds that was on my shoulders. I think right now my biggest fear is what is going to happen when he gets the papers and what will he do. 
They told me not to talk to him, until they do. He thinks I am at the lake with my family and is expecting me to come home tonight, but I'm not. I was told not to answer my phone, or if he should come to the house I'm staying at do not answer the door, in fact pretend I'm not here and to put my car in the garage. That is until they know he has the papers. I am nervous, I have never done this before, so I am not sure what to expect, especially from him.
I am a nervous wreck, I have calmed down quite a bit from yesterday, but still nervous. I know I am doing the right thing, I know this needs to happen for me to be happy, but it is just a scary thing. 
I guess right now it is a waiting game for him to get the papers. Part of me feels so mean, but the other part of me feels a sense of relief. 
Well anyway I am rambling, I will stop now, thank you for letting me ramble guess I needed to. Thank you!


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Well honestly I don't know what to say. I guess good for you if your happy about it but honestly that was pretty ruthless. I hope you are prepared for him to be vindictive. Because that seems to be the stage your setting up for your divorce.


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

Let me share my perspective. My wife did this to me. There was never any domestic violence in our home either. However, she instantly developed a fear of me and what I would do when served. Truth is they served me at our daughters soccer game last October while she stood there smiling. I just walked away and missed the rest of the game. To this day she is fearful of me - without any justification.

I know our situations are probably different, but in my opinion filing behind your spouses back (man or woman) is a cowardly thing to do. If you really have had enough just say so. What could possibly be gained by "suprising" your spouse with papers?

Just make sure you don't get talked into filing a restraining order. That's what my wife's 1st attorney convinced her to do and it backfired. It was thrown out and gave me the courage and determination to fight for my rights with our children.

Good luck.


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## onelonelymom (Feb 3, 2010)

Carefulthoughts: In what you said about my being ruthless, I am taking that into consideration. That is not me and I guess I should have thought about being "mean" before I filed. I was scared and I did/do not know how to tell him. I am trying to get a hold of my attorney to see if I can't contact him and tell him what I have done. I kinda feel bad for not telling him, but I was scared and I am a little afraid of him.
Help239: I am a coward, I am no way afraid to admit that at all. I am good at "running" when things get scary. I am the type of person to not face my problems and explain them to someone, I bottle it up. I will not get talked into a restraining order, I do not see it coming to that at all.
Thank you both for helping me see how mean I was being about this. I am going to tell him, not sure if by email or by phone, but I am going to give him a heads up. I can not be mean about this, that is not me. Again, thank you!


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

Well, that places you leaps and bounds over my stb-x. She continues to be mean and vindictive. Just this morning she sent me a text saying "today were both single again". What she meant was it's been 6 months since she filed.

Good for you - I hope it goes well. At least he'll know you're not out to get him.


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## onelonelymom (Feb 3, 2010)

I am not out to get him at all. I just want out, I just can not do it anymore. I just was not sure how to tell him and what scares me the most is his reaction. Men scare me, no offense, but they do (long story). I have tried and tried until I am blue in the face and I just can not do it anymore. It is wearing me down...quick. He can be very mean, but I am not mean at all and I didn't/don't want to be "him." If it is at all possible I would like to be friends (I know not gonna happen), but I would like that especially for our daughter.
I am sorry your wife is being so mean to you, I really do hope she gets better about it. Nobody deserves that "attitude."


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