# Finally starting have confidence and feel in control



## Alan_ (Jun 28, 2014)

This is an update and hope others can use for help. I have started seeing a counselor. Thought she would participate as well but didn't happen. So, I asked her to come over for dinner and a movie this weekend with no strings and we could chat about anything but our relationship. Told her I thought no matter how we end up it would be good to release some of the tension a separation has caused. Immediately she threw out the "she can't relax around me until after I give her the divorce" so I have had enough and said send me the papers by email and I will take care of it. Sent papers to lawyer. He advised me some issues. Pretty important ones. When she realized I was taking the divorce serious now and protecting myself, man how her tone has changed. I'm gonna give her exactly what she wants. But now she is stressed about costs, house payments blah blah. If she will hold no value on the last 20 years, she is having a hard time figuring out the future without me in it finally. My advice to all is if asked for a divorce you don't want, put emotions aside even if you want to stay friends and protect yourself and your name. A lot more involved than just where you are going to sleep at night. I am greatful to each of yours help as I struggle through this. Still hard times to go but feel a little more in control at the time. On a side note, I started taking 5htp. Supposed to help with serotonin production which aides in sleep and calms nerves and reduce stress. Not sure if its working but seems to help. Wouldn't mind what is thought on the subject. Any advice would be appreciated as always. Best of luck to others. Stay strong and on the side of right no matter how hard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Whatever helps you get through this event I'm for. I'm taking Zoloft and don't know if it's helping, don't know if I want to know. I just know that I'm functional now. I am hoping you make it. Nobody will ever understand the kind of pain a betrayed spouse feels unless they've been through it. Good luck


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Looks like your are taking care of yourself. When it comes to divorce, that's what you need to do.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

She may scramble a bit because you are no longer playing the game according to her rules. Be wary if she suddenly becomes nice. The more real you make it the more they dislike it. She could very well try and suck you back playing nice or “let sit down and talk”.

Keep your emotions in check as best you can and follow the plan you want. Playing defense sucks!


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