# What is happening? I really don't know? Wife is acting crazy!



## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

I'm not sure if infidelity is still the issue anymore but since most of my posts are here, I thought I would keep it here.

Bringing a kid into the world: If my wife were laying on the bed ready to have sex to make babies, I would have jumped at the chance...until these last few days.

My wife's EA lasted a few weeks which turned PA and once (According to her). From there, we've moved on to a new apartment, better working conditions, I help more around the house, I work on MYSELF and the things I have control of. I try to be supportive even when she's being negative.

on the 17th, a few days before her ovulation, we decided that we'd have sex for days before and after. First day went fine. Second day I came home late because of work, but that was something we both knew. Third day, as we're getting into bed she started complaining about mileage points I didn't claim 2 YEARS AGO. And no sex. I just waited for her to talk herself to sleep. 4th day, in the afternoon she sends me email apologizing for her attitude...unfortunately, this time she's all about hating our blu-ray player for not working the way she wants it (I figured it out the next day) but DAMN...that day ends with her falling asleep as well.

Then last night, we sat and watched a movie. She fell asleep during the movie. No big deal. I bring her to bed. She's clearly had a little too much wine. She asks "Are we gonna try?" Which was a total turn off for me. A few months back I might have jumped at that but not now. I told her "I don't want it to be like this. I want us to enjoy our lives. I want us to enjoy making a family." This led to her feeling like crap. She was crying, saying she felt useless, saying she felt like it was the end of her life as a woman. I kept thinking "premenopause" because she's 40. I wasn't about to say those words. I just stayed supportive but there was no way we have sex with tears. At one point she said I should leave her, that I still had a chance to be with someone better. In my head I was actually thinking "I could...someone with less issues." but my heart, for whatever reason, hurt at the idea. I told her I didn't think she was thinking clearly, that she needed to rest. She saw I was upset and told me to lay down. When I didn't, she said "I have to leave then." And she literally walked out the apartment door in her underwear, I followed her to bring her back, and I could see she was 'trying' to climb over the edge. I don't believe she has it in her to kill herself but I was in shock none the less. 

Her tears turned to yawns and I finally got myself to sleep. She had the day off, she'd be able to sleep in. I had to work. I was so tired the next day (Today) that I went just for the morning. I cleared my schedule for the afternoon/evening and asked my wife to go to the doctors. I wanted her to get her hormones checked etc. She was feeling sad and upset during a time (Ovulation) when she normally isn't. I sent her a message that I cleared my schedule. When I got home she said the doctors wouldn't be open until 3pm and another place not until 5pm. I asked if it would be OK to take a nap. And I did.

This afternoon, I started to talk to my wife about hormones and the balance of them maybe playing with her emotions. By the time we finished talking it was time to get going...but she had another idea. "How about we relax for the rest of the day, watch another movie or something, try and keep relaxing and then next Wednesday we go to the doctors." Since I had Wednesday morning off, I said OK. In my head I was telling myself "You don't want to bring a kid into a situation like this." especially after reading something similar written in another thread of mine. It really does make no sense. But again, my heart was saying "This is a good thing."

We tried. We then relaxed. Then we watched a movie. NOW, I don't know if it was the movie or something else (The movie dealt with relationships and some similarities to ours popped up). She was upset and crying. The movie wasn't that good to begin with so I really have no idea. She says she feels lost, she doesn't know what to do. Basically, all the stuff she's been saying. I remain supportive and say that a doctors visit will help us put some things into perspective. She says "I don't trust doctors. I don't want to see a doctor." I wasn't about to argue about it, so again, as tears turned to yawns, she is now asleep and I'm on here looking at premenopause symptoms and what can be done.

The fact that she cheated almost doesn't matter anymore. The fact that I CAN find someone else matters a bit more. I think about it and about how life would be single for a while. I like the idea...but when I see the pain that my wife is going through, whether her own fault or hormones or something else, I can't help but STAY even though my head says GO.

I'm also afraid, now, that if I did leave she'd do something bad to herself. I feared this with my first girlfriend...never imagine I would with my wife. She just never seemed the type. I don't know if it was the wine or something else. Still, add that to the list of messed up stuff I've got going on.


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

Man, I'd say that there is some fog creeping up on you! I probably won't get too involved in your thread - but maybe a couple of observations:

If your wife is 40 and is wanting a child, her actions are understandable - she is afraid that it may not, or can't happen and doesn't want to think about it - it is too upsetting. Happens to a lot of people in similar situations. It may well be that she is afraid both of the idea of having one - and of missing out on the chance.

On the other hand - from reading all of you threads, you seem to be constantly focused on what is wrong with her and your marriage - to the extent that it looks and sounds a lot like 'fog'. The fog often starts long before an affair - and sometimes doesn't even result in one - instead, the marriage ends as the person wanders off to 'find happiness' - that they 'deserve,' of course. 

Still seems to me that you aren't working on 'you' as much as you are concentrating on her faults. She does NOT sound crazy to me. I think there is an ENORMOUS amount of misunderstanding going on between you two: almost like you don't live _together_ - you live _next to_ one another!


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

INcredible. :scratchhead:

Maybe I can help.





synonimous_anonymous said:


> I'm not sure if infidelity is still the issue anymore but since most of my posts are here, I thought I would keep it here.
> 
> Bringing a kid into the world: If my wife were laying on the bed ready to have sex to make babies, I would have jumped at the chance...until these last few days.
> 
> My wife's EA lasted a few weeks which turned PA and once (According to her). From there, we've moved on to a new apartment, better working conditions, I help more around the house, I work on MYSELF and the things I have control of. I try to be supportive even when she's being negative.


If you are working past the infidelity, I applaud you.

Helping around the house, okay to an extent. Pay attention to not be kissing her butt, or stepping on her turf.

Working on yourself, 100 percent correct.

Supportive when she's being negative? No.

EIther be indiferent, or tell her to talk to (girfriend/sister/aunt/mom/some other female) if she is in a whiny mood, that you haven't the time.

I'm serious, few things will kill the respect a woman has for her man than if he is rewarding her for nagging. 

Put a stop to the nagging, this will often kill two birds with one stone, the nagging, and eventually the disposition to nag in the first place.

All good men reading this, do NOT reward nagging from your woman!



> on the 17th, a few days before her ovulation, we decided that we'd have sex for days before and after. First day went fine. Second day I came home late because of work, but that was something we both knew. Third day, as we're getting into bed she started complaining about mileage points I didn't claim 2 YEARS AGO. And no sex. I just waited for her to talk herself to sleep.


Mileage points from two years ago?

This is the classic "SH!T test" if I ever heard of one.

Listen, I'l be blunt, but this is so simple to correct it would be evil for me to withold this from you.

Try this.

Next time mileage points comes up right before sex, tell your woman that you are not interested in hearing her mouth if she is going to speak of mileage points, that you have something more productive for her mouth.

And, very calmly but deliberately and without missing a beat, pull down your pants and, you imagine next, give her something productive to do.

And I am deadly serious about this, always with SH!T Tests, your woman is NOT concerned about mileage points, she is feeling insecure and doubting you are seeing her desirable, and her mind is racing a woman's mind will do in this scenario. She is looking for you, her man, to step up to show her that you are desiring her, you are the man not flinching on SH!T Tests or any other test, that you are of the mettle to know what you want and of the mettle to pursue what you want and what you want (then) is HER!!!

In a woman, this is not just lighting her fire, this is stoking and ROARING an inferno in her. 






> 4th day, in the afternoon she sends me email apologizing for her attitude...unfortunately, this time she's all about hating our blu-ray player for not working the way she wants it (I figured it out the next day) but DAMN...that day ends with her falling asleep as well.


blu-ray = SH!T test.



> Then last night, we sat and watched a movie. She fell asleep during the movie. No big deal. I bring her to bed. She's clearly had a little too much wine. She asks "Are we gonna try?" Which was a total turn off for me. A few months back I might have jumped at that but not now. I told her "I don't want it to be like this. I want us to enjoy our lives. I want us to enjoy making a family."


No!

Sexual rejection to a woman, this is devasting to a woman!

This is why, so many threads on how to get woman to initiate.

Men, we are often used to the sexual rejection, it is much of our young lives.

A woman, the opposite. Sexual rejection, to a woman this is a terrible, TERRIBLE blow.

Even if you are not looking for full intercourse, find SOMETHING for you two to do together sexually, to prevent rejection.



> This led to her feeling like crap. She was crying, saying she felt useless, saying she felt like it was the end of her life as a woman.


This.

SExual rejection, to a woman it is the terrible blow.



> I kept thinking "premenopause" because she's 40. I wasn't about to say those words.


Correct. DO NOT SAY THOSE WORDS!



> I just stayed supportive but there was no way we have sex with tears.


Again, try less support, and more aggression.

Give your woman a sexual task or two, see how she is responding.

This is the way to wither the SH!T Tests and stoke her fires of attraction and kill her insecurity at the same time.

BEtter for your woman to be complaining that you always wanting her to perform sexually, than to have her wondering if you find her sexually attractive. The good man, better for him to error on the side of sexual selfishness.

REally get your mind around that last sentence, very powerful truth in it.



> At one point she said I should leave her, that I still had a chance to be with someone better. In my head I was actually thinking "I could...someone with less issues." but my heart, for whatever reason, hurt at the idea.


THe "you deserve someone better speech" = SH!T test.

Give her something sexual to do for you to prove how much better she is than all other women combined. Try it!



> I told her I didn't think she was thinking clearly, that she needed to rest. She saw I was upset and told me to lay down. When I didn't, she said "I have to leave then." And she literally walked out the apartment door in her underwear, I followed her to bring her back, and I could see she was 'trying' to climb over the edge. I don't believe she has it in her to kill herself but I was in shock none the less.


I'm serious, be wary of too much talk and "support", your woman, it makes her feel like a charity case to have to be told she's not thinking clearly. 



> Her tears turned to yawns and I finally got myself to sleep. She had the day off, she'd be able to sleep in. I had to work. I was so tired the next day (Today) that I went just for the morning. I cleared my schedule for the afternoon/evening and asked my wife to go to the doctors. I wanted her to get her hormones checked etc. She was feeling sad and upset during a time (Ovulation) when she normally isn't. I sent her a message that I cleared my schedule. When I got home she said the doctors wouldn't be open until 3pm and another place not until 5pm. I asked if it would be OK to take a nap. And I did.
> 
> This afternoon, I started to talk to my wife about hormones and the balance of them maybe playing with her emotions. By the time we finished talking it was time to get going...but she had another idea. "How about we relax for the rest of the day, watch another movie or something, try and keep relaxing and then next Wednesday we go to the doctors." Since I had Wednesday morning off, I said OK. In my head I was telling myself "You don't want to bring a kid into a situation like this." especially after reading something similar written in another thread of mine. It really does make no sense. But again, my heart was saying "This is a good thing."
> 
> We tried. We then relaxed. Then we watched a movie. NOW, I don't know if it was the movie or something else (The movie dealt with relationships and some similarities to ours popped up). She was upset and crying. The movie wasn't that good to begin with so I really have no idea.


To decide on a child, this is a big distraction for you.

Regardless, try to see the importance of the sexual connection even without trying to conceive.



> She says she feels lost, she doesn't know what to do. Basically, all the stuff she's been saying. I remain supportive and say that a doctors visit will help us put some things into perspective. She says "I don't trust doctors. I don't want to see a doctor." I wasn't about to argue about it, so again, as tears turned to yawns, she is now asleep and I'm on here looking at premenopause symptoms and what can be done.


Again, whether the doctor is good idea or not, it makes your woman feel like the charity case.

Less support, more selfishness.

Be creative in what you find for your woman to be doing for you. See how she reacts.



> The fact that she cheated almost doesn't matter anymore. The fact that I CAN find someone else matters a bit more. I think about it and about how life would be single for a while. I like the idea...but when I see the pain that my wife is going through, whether her own fault or hormones or something else, I can't help but STAY even though my head says GO.
> 
> I'm also afraid, now, that if I did leave she'd do something bad to herself. I feared this with my first girlfriend...never imagine I would with my wife. She just never seemed the type. I don't know if it was the wine or something else. Still, add that to the list of messed up stuff I've got going on.


Your attitude, with any good man, is that of course you could have ANY woman.

Have this attitude, but as well that your woman is the woman you desire above ANY woman, and this will go far in her sexual attraction and killing her insecurity, and often the emotional upset that occurs with such insecurity.

I wish you well.


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