# A support forum for people having affairs? Yup.



## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Look I found the anti-TAM, a support forum for people having affairs:

http://www.ivillage.com/forums/forum/19845


Ready to read some of the most vile, self-indulgent bull**** ever written? An insightful glimpse into the minds of our waywards and their pos partners, might be of some use. Prepare something to punch.


----------



## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Wow.


----------



## WhatASituation (Sep 27, 2012)

Wow indeed!


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Well LoveShack, a large online relationship forum similar to TAM, has an entire forum devoted to Other Woman/Other Man. It's in the same section as the Marriage forum.


----------



## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

It can't se said enough. Wow


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I answered their survey. And pointed out that I had scored them so very lowly due to their promoting marital affairs.:rofl:


----------



## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

JustPuzzled said:


> sue for defamation of character...


 :lol: LMAO what character?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Oh, oh, *oh*! I feel sick. 

Blame shifting lying, dastardly, vile... _and Matt stops before he has to delete his own post.._.


----------



## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Insane, deluded and brainless to boot.

The fog, definitive proof that retards can be self made.


----------



## FryFish (Sep 18, 2012)

I hate that I now have trust issues because of some stupid, selfish... person(self edit)... a person just like the people on that forum...

I


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Numb-badger said:


> Insane, deluded and brainless to boot.
> 
> The fog, definitive proof that retards can be self made.


Or that infidelity reduces IQ points?:scratchhead:


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Poor MOW (who only mention BH just left her as an afterthought) wants sue MOM for difamation of character and tell all their mutual friends the "truth" so she come up clean as gold.
Good Lord.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Sounds like some WS ran up against a BS educated in the ways of TAM and MB in affair busting. Gotta love it!


----------



## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I love the defamation of character piece. 

She cheated on her hubby. 
She lost her hubby. 
She lost her credibility. 
She lost her OM who threw her under the bus (but is willing to re-ignite the affair when things settle down - a firm warning to TAM newbies). 
She's being branded as psychotic and unstable and wants to 'sue' for defamation of character.

Sorry love, but any sane person would happily point out that you, yes, YOU, caused the tainting of your own character. Only a psychotic would have the lack of insight to believe the OM is responsible, and you'd have to be pretty unstable to be that psychotic.


----------



## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I love the defamation of character piece. 

She cheated on her hubby. 
She lost her hubby. 
She lost her credibility. 
She lost her OM who threw her under the bus (but is willing to re-ignite the affair when things settle down - a firm warning to TAM newbies). 
She's being branded as psychotic and unstable and wants to 'sue' for defamation of character.

Sorry love, but any sane person would happily point out that you, yes, YOU, caused the tainting of your own character. Only a psychotic would have the lack of insight to believe the OM is responsible, and you'd have to be pretty unstable to be that psychotic.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Just the few posts I looked at on there were fairly tame compared to the OTHER site (which one said she was now going to frequent because if the iVillage screw ups)...but maybe that's only because I only looked at a couple threads. Pathetic, really. The lot of them.


----------



## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

They couldn't find anyone in their lives to champion their immoral cause, so off to the internet!


----------



## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

*Some people see know wrong in being selfish . This lady is a sicko . She is waiting around for another womans husband for sex. Yeah her own husband did the correct thing (leaving her) *.


----------



## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

mrstj4sho88 said:


> *Some people see know wrong in being selfish . This lady is a sicko . She is waiting around for another womans husband for sex. Yeah her own husband did the correct thing (leaving her) *.


IMO leaving is probably always best.


----------



## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Meh, not really surprised it IS the internet.


----------



## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Talk about "COMEUPPANCE" at its best!


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

That site is attrocious, indeed! But while there, its posters verbally named yet another similar site. 

I lurked over there for a while, and greatly found that site to be beyond grimy and unrepentant!

But after all, it might very well turn out to be the place where my STBXW is posting all of her lurid details!


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Well, we have a few posters who come around to support betrayals. There are also plenty of articles (one on MSN the other day) that encourage betrayals as a positive aspect to a relationship. 

It's a sick, sick world we live in.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JustPuzzled said:


> Triple WOW.
> 
> Copied from a randomly selected post entitled "DDay":
> 
> ...


Why, I can hardly believe that her MM would treat her like that. We all know that she is the love of his life. His wife is obviously forcing him to do this and forcing him to have sex with her. ah....




:rofl:


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

There is also (PM me if you really want to know). A website and forum that tells people how to have affairs. One of our TAM'ers posts over there and stirs up shat. He invited me over to help stir things up. I got sick just reading that crap.


----------



## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> That site is attrocious, indeed! But while there, its posters verbally named yet another similar site.
> 
> I lurked over there for a while, and greatly found that site to be beyond grimy and unrepentant!
> 
> But after all, it might very well turn out to be the place where my STBXW is posting all of her lurid details!


I didn't see that, what was the other site?


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> I didn't see that, what was the other site?


one of the posters in this thread made mention to it... I would advise not going there if you cannot stomach the entitled bs they throw out there... butt hat's JMO.


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

This is why I can't stand to go to (PM me if you really want to know). 

One of their headline articles is about a woman who intentionally cheats to get pregnant by other men to produce stronger offspring.

Just sickening.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

The site is blocked from here... linking, etc.


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> The site is blocked from here... linking, etc.


I saw that after I posted the link. I edited my post to remove all traces of it and explain instead.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

sandc said:


> ~A website and forum that tells people how to have affairs. One of our TAM'ers posts over there and stirs up shat. He invited me over to help stir things up. I got sick just reading that crap.


Sandman: I just spent some time over there gawking with my jawbone just laying on my desk. I can't quite believe the absolute brazen depravity of some people!

And after having read some of that unbelievable tripe, I think I just need to go take a hot shower! I just really feel that unclean!


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

JustPuzzled said:


> Triple WOW.
> 
> Copied from a randomly selected post entitled "DDay":
> 
> -snip-


Who would think a guy cheating on his wife would betray her trust


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> Well, we have a few posters who come around to support betrayals. There are also plenty of articles (one on MSN the other day) that encourage betrayals as a positive aspect to a relationship.
> 
> It's a sick, sick world we live in.


And to whom are you refering?


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Amazing. I see the OP of "D.Day" is actually wanting to sue for defamation of character... Who does she intending suing - herself?


----------



## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

JustPuzzled said:


> Let's be fair to the quoted WW from the other site. From this post alone I can tell (I have a gift for reading between the lines) that her BH WAS controlling AND he ignored her AND he made her feel unsexy AND he demanded too much sex AND he demanded too little (didn't "fight" for her) AND he didn't like her friends AND he got too close to her friends ("why were you talking to her - are you cheating?") AND spent too much time on himself AND, apparently, he had questionable personal hygiene.
> 
> Just so you know.


Oh lord you just gave me the *biggest* laugh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

sandc said:


> This is why I can't stand to go to (PM me if you really want to know).
> 
> One of their headline articles is about a woman who intentionally cheats to get pregnant by other men to produce stronger offspring.
> 
> Just sickening.


The truth of that is, im ginna go into an alpha beta thing here, She is good enough to be an alphas sex toy but not good enough to keep one so she needs a poor innocent beta to use and decieve. Truthfully she isnt good enough for that beta either. 












You tammers have me effed up with that alpha beta crap. Im starting to use it too lmao
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Besides.... She tells herself this to keep from being hurt by reality... Which is... "What? Your pregnant? That shyt aint mine! See ya hoe!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I got sick reading through the replies to one of the post. It is sad. All that wasted energy that they could use to save their actual marriage.

UGH!


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

sandc said:


> One of their headline articles is about a woman who intentionally cheats to get pregnant by other men to produce stronger offspring.
> 
> Just sickening.


Little hope of that, when the poor kid is going to be getting half of its genes from someone like her...


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Bride of Frank said:


> Ever since you guys tempted me to look at the affair support loonies, I've been thinking along these lines. Judging by the writing skills over there alone, I am thinking that most affair partners have lower than average IQ. Perhaps it's their baseline stupidity that prevents them from seeing what total losers they make of themselves when they have relationships with those who are already married. Do smart people become OW/OM as often as morons? I'm thinking they do not.



If they do, I doubt that they need a support forum to help justify their cheating ways.


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I checked that site out and saw one thread where someone posted that both their A and their marriage were falling apart...oh no! I feel so bad for them!


----------



## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

I looked around at one of those sites before and all I came away with was thinking how utterly sad and pathetic those people are. Not only to be cheating in such callous ways but to be living their lives like this. What a miserable pathetic existence these people lead.


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Soifon said:


> I looked around at one of those sites before and all I came away with was thinking how utterly sad and pathetic those people are. Not only to be cheating in such callous ways but to be living their lives like this. What a miserable pathetic existence these people lead.


Indeed, and most to be pitied.


----------



## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I think I might have found that site sandc was talking about.... It's quite disgusting and hard to read. On the other hand, I admit informative to see things from the other side and how a lot of cheaters think. Still don't know if I'm doing more bad than good to myself in reading it.


----------



## Single Malt (May 2, 2013)

Coffee Amore said:


> Well LoveShack, a large online relationship forum similar to TAM, has an entire forum devoted to Other Woman/Other Man. It's in the same section as the Marriage forum.


Yes, their moderators tend to protect the OW/OM and those that cheat as well. People have been banned for telling their story of betrayal in a thread, then an OW/OM comes into that thread basically telling them its their own fault they were cheated on, the betrayed spouse fights back and the OW/OM complains. Just amazing. 

Loveshack moderators and the people that frequent the OW/OM forum don't know the first thing about love, much less compassion for the people they hurt.


----------



## Single Malt (May 2, 2013)

NotDoneYet said:


> Look I found the anti-TAM, a support forum for people having affairs:
> 
> MAS — iVillage
> 
> ...


There is even a thread on there about a cheater worried that her affair partner is cheating on her. Really?

I so much would love to log on and tell her good, take her medicine and STFU. LOL But I know where that would get me, but then again, do I care?:rofl:


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Did you see the one who is upset because her OM is on ****** ******* looking for yet another OW beside the fact that he's already with her AND his wife?

The whole time the original OW is cheating with him on her husband.

:rofl:

You have to go way out of your way to **** your life up that much.
It's awesome!


----------



## Single Malt (May 2, 2013)

JustPuzzled said:


> Let's be fair to the quoted WW from the other site. From this post alone I can tell (I have a gift for reading between the lines) that her BH WAS controlling AND he ignored her AND he made her feel unsexy AND he demanded too much sex AND he demanded too little (didn't "fight" for her) AND he didn't like her friends AND he got too close to her friends ("why were you talking to her - are you cheating?") AND spent too much time on himself AND, apparently, he had questionable personal hygiene.
> 
> Just so you know.


Or could be that he is all those things BECAUSE she is a cheater. Maybe, maybe not.

But if that were the case, I'd have to tell someone why bother being that way, just dump the cheater.


----------



## Single Malt (May 2, 2013)

tacoma said:


> Did you see the one who is upset because her OM is on ****** ******* looking for yet another OW beside the fact that he's already with her AND his wife?
> 
> The whole time the original OW is cheating with him on her husband.
> 
> ...


Yup, its the one I just posted about I think. And she even said she believes in "once a cheater always a cheater"....uh, but she is cheating too. What a dumbass.


----------



## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

I like trolling the internet, pming for details on the unmentionable forum. gonna go stir up some pond scum.


----------



## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

One "lady" said she was in love with her husband but just SO bored! Really???? That'll change when you get caught! I know my WW hasn't been bored for awhile. Reconciliation is a lot of things, but it ain't boring. Either is divorce.


----------



## dsGrazzl3D (Apr 22, 2013)

Single Malt said:


> There is even a thread on there about a cheater worried that her affair partner is cheating on her. Really?
> 
> I so much would love to log on and tell her good, take her medicine and STFU. LOL But I know where that would get me, but then again, do I care?:rofl:


`Found the same post 

Yeah Tacoma also saw this 

... BUT wait ... did you read the last comment; 



> lostbutnotfound (is a Community Leader)Registered: 09-21-2007 In reply to: lostbutnotfound
> Re: AP cheating on me?
> 
> A's are addictive and so is the chase. And, although he is in an A with you, he could be pursuing someone else. That is a possibility. I dealt with that with my AP, but he is a single guy, and really nothing I can do. I've learned that as long as I get what I want, that everything else is irrelevent.
> ...


that line about "Noone is truly honest."
WOW... Talk about low IQ & low morale. I feel bad for whom-ever married into this defectiveness!?!?


----------



## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

sandc said:


> This is why I can't stand to go to (PM me if you really want to know).
> 
> One of their headline articles is about a woman who intentionally cheats to get pregnant by other men to produce stronger offspring.
> 
> Just sickening.


She failed, because no matter how studly a man she boffed, as the mother there's no improving her gene pool.


----------



## HusbandInPain (Nov 8, 2011)

My particular favourite is this How to deal with M counseling? — iVillage

where the poster asks how to best "handle" MC, because "Obviously she's not going to confess cheating"


----------



## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

I didn't even read them. It'd just piss me off. 

And I don't have to look into a foul smelling toilet to know what I'd find in the bowl.


----------



## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

the fact that this OW is even contemplating abiding by OM's demands(waiting for 3 months), while her name is being dragged through the mud, tells you how sick in the head she is.

i find it funny that most of these OW are so surprised when they get thrown under the bus..... i mean, are you freakin' kidding me?! 

talk about "rainbows & unicorns." are these people really that f^cking stupid, or what? you couldn't make the sh1t up- SERIOUSLY!


----------



## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

I think the OW/OM section on LS doesn't really promote cheating. Most people on there seem quite remorseful, and the advice they give to other OW is to not go down that path.. "He'll never leave his wife for you" etc. they don't give tips or anything. I think the pr*vateaff*irs website is the worst. There's tips on there and all sorts. The people who are cheating talk about meeting their "mm" so casually, it's disgusting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Mtts said:


> I like trolling the internet, pming for details on the unmentionable forum. gonna go stir up some pond scum.


Me too.
I've been thrown off the board mentioned in the opening post of this thread three or four times for finding a way thru semantics to let all the whining scumbag cheaters know that they are getting what they deserve if a ten ton truck runs over them while walking across the street to "meat" their cheater companion.


----------



## Single Malt (May 2, 2013)

ubercoolpanda said:


> I think the OW/OM section on LS doesn't really promote cheating. Most people on there seem quite remorseful, and the advice they give to other OW is to not go down that path.. "He'll never leave his wife for you" etc.


Thats just it. Their birds of a feather over there aren't going to tell them they need to leave because it isn't right that they cause pain. They are told to leave because "He'll never leave his wife for you". If a man, or woman in the reverse, would leave they'd be congratulating them on their victory over the spouse. I've spent enough time over there to know it isn't about right or wrong with them. Its about, as you just pointed out, if they can get what they want out of the affair.

Then you had those same regulars in that section going over to the Infidelity section of the forum and rubbing BS's noses in crap. And who did the moderators jump on when they defended themselves? The BS's.




> they don't give tips or anything.


Yes, they do. Its not rampant mind you, but they do give tips. And what you posted is a tip itself. 

Again, if the OW/OM over there would advise them on leaving an affair because its wrong, then that would be a different story. Hell, the OW/OM over there have said time and time again that they have no responsibility to the betrayed spouse. As if decency to others wasn't their responsibility.

Their attitude is, "I'm not married to them, I owe them nothing", but then complain when the BS fights back.


----------



## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

I never thought of it that way actually, and you're 100% right!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

The support forums for the OW/OM are sickening indeed.But why are people going there to stir up sh*t?That makes us seem no better than the WS sh*t stirrers that come here to rile everyone.
Observe the dark realm but be not of it  lol


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> The support forums for the OW/OM are sickening indeed.But why are people going there to stir up sh*t?That makes us seem no better than the WS sh*t stirrers that come here to rile everyone.
> *Observe the dark realm but be not of it*  lol


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


----------



## Single Malt (May 2, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> The support forums for the OW/OM are sickening indeed.But why are people going there to stir up sh*t?That makes us seem no better than the WS sh*t stirrers that come here to rile everyone.
> Observe the dark realm but be not of it  lol


When I post over there, I don't go to the OW/OM forum. I stick to Infidelity. That way if one of "them" come over to Infidelity and start crap, you'd think the mods would do something. Nope. The mods there are birds of a feather.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I pop in the the OW/OM forum of LS from time to time, usually to make fun of somebody (especially the cinderella-sounding chick).

I've gotten away with it so far.


----------



## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

F*cking *****s! makes my blood boil, think I'm going to do some trolling myself.


----------



## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

JustPuzzled said:


> Triple WOW.
> 
> Copied from a randomly selected post entitled "DDay":
> 
> ...


Wow the Om here...no words. The WW got bit by karma...and that's why, if you are cheated on, you should expose, expose, expose !


----------



## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

So, I tried reading the site to maybe try and understand what went through my XW's head during her affair. 

And I guess, because I am using logic, it won't work. 

And now I really want to hit something after reading all that. Just makes my head hurt. 
And I lost a little bit more of my faith in humanity. 

I really wonder though, if my XW had posted on there: "Yea, I am cheating on my husband, with this guy. My husband is 215 and uses steroids, and my OM is a bartender and 5'8" but a player and I love him." What their advice would have been. Really curious...
Maybe dangerously curious...


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Wow, some people are so corrupt and selfish. I pulled this quote from that forum. This woman is replying to another woman who is currently having an A, and is angry that her AP is getting married now. The woman replying says,

"why on earth would you get married to a woman you've been cheating on? In one sense, I also never thought AP and I would end up together in real life, but in some weird way, I would almost rather him have ended up single or with someone else than his long-term partner of five years just b/c everyone I talk to doesn't understand why he would marry her, and my AP used to make a lot of negative comments about marriage in general. I think for my AP he is marrying out of a sense of obligation as well"

Who are these people to feel entitled to demonize the BS? They truly don't get that they are just meat, and that the BS is the truly desirable one for life even if her H is a lying, cheating, selfish A$$. 

This quote really hits home, because plenty of women I'm sure have thought this about my H marrying me. But I was never the one to blame, and I was never involved. I was the innocent by-standard who got talked false smack about so that my H felt justified in cheating. That's all that was about. 

Those people are completely lost


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> A few TAM posters and I helped to bring down a notorious cheater's haven, or at least I think we played a role in its demise at least. In the site owner's swan song, he linked to several threads that were either started by me or where I posted differing POV's within threads he referenced.
> 
> Or maybe in my delusional mind I think I contributed to the demise... I'll claim it!


May the force be with you


----------



## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

So the "support" is to keep the affair going, no real support to help a cheater turn around. Pretty sad and disgusting!


----------



## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

GTdad said:


> I pop in the the OW/OM forum of LS from time to time, usually to make fun of somebody (especially the cinderella-sounding chick).
> 
> I've gotten away with it so far.


Yep. She is a wacky one. Delusional beyond all belief. And hey, I thought I recognized your avatar.


----------



## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I just love the stories where waywards end up leaving for the AP and the AP cheats on them too.:rofl:

It's like with an episode of cheaters a while back where the OW, wayward in this case, left her boyfriend of... Surprise!, surprise!...3 years!, there's that magic number again, because he was still in love with his ex wife and wasn't the man he pretended to be. Uh duh! 

I guess these cheaters really think that person you cheated with is going to remain faithful to you when you were the ones they cheated with in the first place. That's like trusting the a friend who helped you pull off a bank robbery and kill a few witnesses as a business partner.:rofl:


----------



## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> A few TAM posters and I helped to bring down a notorious cheater's haven, or at least I think we played a role in its demise at least. In the site owner's swan song, he linked to several threads that were either started by me or where I posted differing POV's within threads he referenced.
> 
> Or maybe in my delusional mind I think I contributed to the demise... I'll claim it!



I got banned from there when I politely pointed out (with citations to relevant texts and research) that the pain of the betrayal in an affair can be equated with the pain of losing a loved one, and on some occasions, is cited as being worse than getting physically raped. They all ganged up on me, pointing out that I was one of those BS from TAM. I used the same name there. No one wanted to hear that, i guess it made them feel.... something?


----------



## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

When I read those threads I am reminded of the biggest lesson I am trying to learn from all of this - that you have absolutely no control over other people. They just have an incredibly different mindset - and there is nothing at all that anyone else can do to change that (at least not directly - introducing them to the consequences of their actions can of course have an indirect effect). 

It makes me wonder if I could ever have done that. But I had ample opportunity and was tempted many times, but I never cheated - although when you are tempted the thought does cross your mind and that alone feels wrong. I heard someone say the other day that it is not wrong to be tempted, only wrong to give in to temptation. 

We are all ultimately selfish. Even a BS wants/needs to focus on him/herself. But its the combination of selfishness and recklessness that is so damaging - not giving a damn about the consequences.


----------



## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

:iagree:My thoughts exactly!

When I think back to when I was unhappily married and all the times other women flirted with me, I flirted back, and I had every ample opportunity to cheat, but didn't. It's hard for me to remember what was going on through my mind, but I still remember. I didn't want to hurt her, when we were "happily" married, and I didn't want to sink to her level when she cheated.

While you can't control your spouse's actions, you can keep yourself from making the same mistakes they did and try to be a better person. Just because you've been cheated on doesn't make it right, but it's even worse when you turn around and cheat knowing the harm it does to others and how it destroys lives. 

I just told myself, "I don't care how pretty or sweet she is, if you're in a committed relationship and you sleep with her... You're a d!ck!". And this was my conscious talking to my 23yo self about not sleeping around on my cheating wife until the divorce was final. 

There are good men out there.... Far and few... But they're out there.


----------



## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

i've contributed to the LS forum before, but not to "stir sh1t up." like here, i just tell it like it is- like it or not.

what gets to me is how these WS's go on there looking for advice on how to "end the pain" of infidelity/cheating, all the while directing their questions at people who are knee-deep in affairs. i mean.....come on people! it's akin to an addict seeking sobriety advice form a dealer. it just doesn't make sense to me.


----------



## November (Nov 28, 2013)

Just recently discovered this forum... and find it very interesting.

However, the negative comments regarding affairs on this post seem pretty one sided. I don't believe an affair (or relationship outside the marriage, whatever you wish to call it), is totally black and white.

There are situations were a quick divorce is not possible, state laws, finances, insurance, legal, etc., etc. And if one has been wronged to the point it is over why should they be miserable until it's officially over? 

I could generally argue that infidelity is probably not a good idea, but could see where it's justified.... just sayin....

N


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

November said:


> Just recently discovered this forum... and find it very interesting.
> 
> However, the negative comments regarding affairs on this post seem pretty one sided. I don't believe an affair (or relationship outside the marriage, whatever you wish to call it), is totally black and white.
> 
> ...


First off, there is a difference between an open marriage that is currently on the books to terminate, and lying and sneaking around behind your spouses back.

If you are married and the divorce isnt' final : 

a. move out - never date while living under the same roof, that is just a world of trouble there
b. negotiate this with your soon to be ex spouse
c. make potential partners aware of your situation - if they have any maturity they won't get involved with you until they see the paper work

In my opinion the only people you ought to get involved with are people with the emotional maturity to manage their romantic relationships in a respectable way. At the same time, I have trouble believing anyone with any degree of emotional maturity would be reckless enough to get involved romantically with someone who is still married on paper.

If your divorce isnt' final.. wait until it is... being lonely is no excuse to disrespect your marriage or involve a third party before it's natural time to do so...

November you make the same mistake a lot of posters do, confusing open marriage with infidelity, they are NOT the same thing...

And where did you get the idea that a married person has to be miserable since they cannot date? I know a lot of single people who don't date and are not miserable.

Does one have to be getting laid regularly in order to be "happy?" Is that what we have to have in our lives to be happy? That's ridiculous.

Keep it in your pants until you are divorced, it's not a life sentence... If you feel like you have been "wronged" to the point where you feel it's ok to sneak around and lie behind your spouses back yes, that situation is one sided... you are rationalizing and need to get a grip on reality.

not to mention you are potentially exploiting third parties by getting them into a marriage.. they have no business being around you while you are married.

Yes, open marriage is a controversial topic, and if your spouse is ok with you dating and you are separated that is a different situation. I STILL don't recommend getting involved iwth anyone else, but that is not what I would call "infidelity"... it's just a bad idea that your wife/husband has foolishly agreed to.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

ahhh.You can find anyone who supports you agenda on the net.

crazy $hit.


----------



## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

November said:


> I could generally argue that infidelity is probably not a good idea, but could see where it's justified.... just sayin....
> 
> N


You're not telling us anything new. Cheaters say this all the time.


----------



## maaz3231 (May 27, 2011)

Why does someone commit when it is not for them? And why do people have such a hard time calling off a commitment when it becomes something not for them? Playing with people's hearts is just mean.


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

November said:


> Just recently discovered this forum... and find it very interesting.
> 
> However, the negative comments regarding affairs on this post seem pretty one sided. I don't believe an affair (or relationship outside the marriage, whatever you wish to call it), is totally black and white.
> 
> ...


:rofl:


----------



## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

November said:


> Just recently discovered this forum... and find it very interesting.
> 
> However, the negative comments regarding affairs on this post seem pretty one sided. I don't believe an affair (or relationship outside the marriage, whatever you wish to call it), is totally black and white.
> 
> ...


Of course there are exceptions to almost any rule. Sure there _might_ have been American slaves in the mid 1800s who were satisfied with their lives. This rationalization has been used in the south for centuries to justify slavery. But _if_ there were "content" slaves, they were few and very far between. Same with cheating, sure you might be able to find a few cases where infidelity _might_ have been justified, but a whole forum??? Not hardly.

Cheating is almost always, if not always the wrong thing to do. You should hear my WW' s reasons for cheating! You'd think I was a complete monster. But as soon as she comes out of the fog she's madly in love with me and will do anything to win me back.:scratchhead: I'm the same person. Cheaters will always find reasons, rationalizations and justifications to cheat. Almost all of them are lies, exaggerations or issues they don't want to deal with. If the internet was around in the mid 1800s, there would have been a support forum for slave owners, no doubts.


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

November said:


> ... And if one has been wronged to the point it is over why should they be miserable until it's officially over?
> 
> I could generally argue that infidelity is probably not a good idea, but could see where it's justified.... just sayin....
> 
> N


I would be very much interested in hearing even one single case where this is true... I have been researching infidelity for over seven years and I have not yet found one single case of infidelity that is justified.

Bear in mind I don't refer to an open marriage as infidelity, that's a whole other animal.

You seem to be alluding to an open marriage being a case of justified infidelity which I don't agree with at all.

Your rationalizations sound like the typical wayward...

a. I was lonely
b. I was hurt
c. You were not there for me
d. I need affection
e. I needed a friend

Yada yada yada...

You finish one relationship before you start another. And I mean finish it, both on paper, in the home, and in your head... over.

Until that's done, if you behave in a manner that is disrespectful to your spouse without their knowledge you are cheating your spouse, as is the AP you hook up with.

I have yet to encounter a single case of justified infidelity.

Not a single one...


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I just visited that site. Again.

Oh my god. Such sad, silly people. Adults with the minds of teenagers. And immature teenagers, at that.

Oh, where the heck is that stuff? Ah! That's better!:smthumbup:


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

What a bunch of wayward losers.

Not just pathetic and selfish but really so sad.


----------



## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Ugh... made me want to vomit by just reading one of the posts. I cannot understand. It is very sad. Why? Are people so selfish? I am lost of words. It is very sad...


----------



## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

*F*CK CHEATERS and those who support the act of lying and cheating!*


----------



## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

November said:


> Just recently discovered this forum... and find it very interesting.
> 
> However, the negative comments regarding affairs on this post seem pretty one sided. I don't believe an affair (or relationship outside the marriage, whatever you wish to call it), is totally black and white.
> 
> ...


Then it is not an affair. Affairs are wrong. Affairs are black and white in my opinion. Affairs destroys lives. It takes a long time for a betrayed spouse to recover from an affair. All trust is gone. Everything is lost. Infidelity is never justified. Never.


----------



## nancy.ramos (Oct 16, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Look I found the anti-TAM, a support forum for people having affairs:
> 
> MAS â€” iVillage
> 
> ...


There is as much pain over there as it is over here, maybe more ..with people getting confused and hurt


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

HarryDoyle said:


> Of course there are exceptions to almost any rule. Sure there _might_ have been American slaves in the mid 1800s who were satisfied with their lives. This rationalization has been used in the south for centuries to justify slavery. *But if there were "content" slaves, they were few and very far between.* Same with cheating, sure you might be able to find a few cases where infidelity _might_ have been justified, but a whole forum??? Not hardly.
> 
> Cheating is almost always, if not always the wrong thing to do. You should hear my WW' s reasons for cheating! You'd think I was a complete monster. But as soon as she comes out of the fog she's madly in love with me and will do anything to win me back.:scratchhead: I'm the same person. Cheaters will always find reasons, rationalizations and justifications to cheat. Almost all of them are lies, exaggerations or issues they don't want to deal with. If the internet was around in the mid 1800s, there would have been a support forum for slave owners, no doubts.


and they were most likely like that character Samuel L Jackson played in Django Unchained.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

ne9907 said:


> Then it is not an affair. Affairs are wrong. Affairs are black and white in my opinion. Affairs destroys lives. It takes a long time for a betrayed spouse to recover from an affair. All trust is gone. Everything is lost. Infidelity is never justified. Never.


Affairs are about lies. If anyone feels justified in having sex with another person, then they should have the integrity to tell their spouse that is what they are doing.


----------



## November (Nov 28, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> I would be very much interested in hearing even one single case where this is true... I have been researching infidelity for over seven years and I have not yet found one single case of infidelity that is justified.
> 
> Bear in mind I don't refer to an open marriage as infidelity, that's a whole other animal.
> 
> ...


Allen,

No, I'm not talking about an open marriage. I'm not a big fan of that either. I know of one where the marriage was long gone for some time, excepting the final divorce, which was complicated with financial issues. One of the AP has limited time left on this earth so they decided not to wait. Certainly not the best situation, but I can understand that.


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

ne9907 said:


> Then it is not an affair. Affairs are wrong. Affairs are black and white in my opinion. Affairs destroys lives. It takes a long time for a betrayed spouse to recover from an affair. All trust is gone. Everything is lost. Infidelity is never justified. Never.


I use to think this. I no longer do.

Sad.


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

sinnister said:


> I use to think this. I no longer do.
> 
> Sad.


:scratchhead:


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

November said:


> Allen,
> 
> No, I'm not talking about an open marriage. I'm not a big fan of that either. I know of one where the marriage was long gone for some time, excepting the final divorce, which was complicated with financial issues. One of the AP has limited time left on this earth so they decided not to wait. Certainly not the best situation, but I can understand that.


If both spouses are fully informed, respected, and honest with each other perhaps some lattitude within the soon to be terminated marriage can be extended.

Again in my opinion that is something that is honestly negotiated between the husband and wife... that is not something you lie and steal to have in your life.

If you negotiate for something, it's not cheating...

People who engage in infidelity aren't negotiating, they are lying to take what they want instead.

What you are talking about isn't infidelity, it's a negotiated open marriage...

Unless you are saying the third party is getting involved without the betrayed spouse's knowledge, in which case I don't understand that no...

If my wife wanted to have an affair simply because the third party was dying I would just tell her that's not our problem.

I am guessing at the case you are alluding to since you aren't sharing many details.

Put the case study up here to be talked about and you may have a case... but right now you are just dropping hints about your case in point.. we can't give you a fair comment when you just hint...

This is the same problem that waywards have... they can't be fully honest, they hint and leave tiny pieces of information.. and create some silly cat and mouse game instead of simply telling the truth.

Just put your case in point up here in detail and we can discuss it...


----------



## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

sinnister said:


> I use to think this. I no longer do.
> 
> Sad.


More hinting.

If anyone here has an actual case in point to argue as an example of when infidelity is justifiable then please post it.

It's not a legitimate argument to just assert something is the case and drop a few hints or worse... nothing at all.

If you can imagine a case where infidelity is justifiable please share your hypothetical case or real life case here in detail.

Please don't just make unsupported assertions, and please don't just drop hints. That type of thing is offensive to a lot of betrayed spouses on this forum.

Put the case up here, because there are many people here who do not understand how infidelity can ever be justifiable.... including myself.

Please inform us by offering a detailed case in point.

Thank you


----------



## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

sinnister said:


> I use to think this. I no longer do.
> 
> Sad.


What changed your mind?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> Affairs are about lies. If anyone feels justified in having sex with another person, then they should have the integrity to tell their spouse that is what they are doing.


That is exactly how my wife handled her affair. "Matt, I have something to tell you. I know this will hurt you, but..."

Even all these years later, I have butterflies in my stomach, thinking about that morning.


----------



## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> Affairs are about lies. If anyone feels justified in having sex with another person, then they should have the integrity to tell their spouse that is what they are doing.


So does that mean if you're honest it's ok? You're still breaking your marraige vows which technically, in and of itself is a *lie.* 

I was in the military for a long time and I took the oath of enlistment. I couldn't just go to my commander and say I won't deploy to the middle east because I don't agree with this county's foreign policy. The "truth" in that situation would not set you free, but it might put you in jail. The military doesn't care if your tell the "truth" here, they just want you to fulfill the oath you took. This applies to marriage too. My wife and I took a vow, an oath if you will, to be faithful to each other for *life*. I expect her to fulfill her part of that vow no matter what or follow the legally established procedures to desolve the agreement. 

Do you suppose my current employer would be pleased if I was honest with him and told him because he didn't pay me enough I would be stealing from him? No, I doubt it. I knew what the pay was when I was hired and maybe I didn't get the pay raise I deserved, but the accepted way to handle this would be to quit, that's my right. The truth does not allow you to do anything you want to do, that's a cop out too.

"The truth? What is the truth?" -- Pontius Pilate

"You can't handle the truth!" -- Jack Nicholson


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

HarryDoyle said:


> *So does that mean if you're honest it's ok? *You're still breaking your marraige vows which technically, in and of itself is a *lie.*
> 
> I was in the military for a long time and I took the oath of enlistment. I couldn't just go to my commander and say I won't deploy to the middle east because I don't agree with this county's foreign policy. The "truth" in that situation would not set you free, but it might put you in jail. The military doesn't care if your tell the "truth" here, they just want you to fulfill the oath you took. This applies to marriage too. My wife and I took a vow, an oath if you will, to be faithful to each other for *life*. I expect her to fulfill her part of that vow no matter what or follow the legally established procedures to desolve the agreement.
> 
> ...


No, it means that the other person can make an informed decision about what to do next. 

Most wayward partners would not want to risk what might happen next. 

the rest of your post is just rambling and supports what most of us are saying anyway. Western marriages implicitly mean monogamous.


----------

