# New born baby. The urge to cheat on wife



## Fisherman83 (12 mo ago)

We’ve recently had a new born baby. Almost a year ago. 
myself and my mrs have had sex maybe 8 times in as many months. I understand that a woman needs time to recover mentally and physically but I can’t help feel the urge to cheat. 
I work in a profession where I deal with lots of women. And in my past experience, these women don’t care if you’re partnered up. 
wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Danger, Will Robinson!!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Don't even think about it unless you want to loose everything. 
Talk to your wife about it and how unhappy the lack of sex is making you feel.
However it doesn't say much for your integrity that you are already thinking of cheating with these awful women who have no morals.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

You are well on your way to changing everyone's life who is currently in your life. 
It will be vastly different and irreversible. 

Your W is really wrapped up being a mom and, correctly so, the new baby is the center and focus of her life. She has NO idea what you're mulling about. 

I will guarantee you this: go off with these women who "don’t care if you’re partnered up " and your W and M will never be the same. In all likelihood your M will be over.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Hey Fisherman, what are you really fishing for?

Don't be an idiot.

Sure, go ahead and destroy three lives.

"Oh. But it's all good. I got me some poon." 

Right.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

rugswept said:


> the new baby is the center and focus of her life. She has NO idea what you're mulling about.


Annnd this is how people end up divorced or in infidelity. Yes, the baby is the focus since it is helpless. But babies grow up and the marriage is a thing that needs care and nurturing during this time, too, or it will wither and die.

Tale as old as no-fault divorce.

Loving couple marry and life is good.

A baby comes along and wife goes into "mom mode". She neglects the marital relationship and is focused on the child(ren), the household, her career (if she works), maintaining family/social obligations, and the couple drift apart.

Time passes and the relationship withers and dies. But they stay "for the child(ren)" and maybe one or both has an affair to get their personal emotional and physical needs met.

Child reaches <insert milestone age here> and one or both decide they don't want to continue on in a dead marriage and file.

OP, you need to talk to your wife openly and honestly before too much time passes and you get to the point where so much damage has been done it's irreparable.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Definitely communicate this to her. Many women get wrapped up in motherhood and forget they were a wife first. If you are a physical touch love language person like me....it is a *****.

She had bad childhood, so she went overboard putting everything into being the greatest mom, but that left almost nothing for me. She just acted like I was the whiney hubby wanting sex. She would say we just had sex the other night.....no ....that was 12 days ago. She did not realize being a physical touch LL person I was struggling to maintain an emotional connection to her. I kept trying to do something to change the situation, before I filed and walked out. Except have a sit down serious discussion with her. 

My FOO issues(avoidance) I held all my hurt in and did not communicate. ..wife had no idea. Until I broke. I was on my last roll of the dice before I filed with 2 kids under 7.

She knew something was bad wrong but I was not saying(avoidance). I was not telling her I had issues with her behavior changes, Lack of affection. She chipped and chipped at the dam and it broke.....I dumped years worth of resentment and hurt over things she did that I was holding in, right in her lap over 2 days.

She was stunned. Took her about a week to grasp the issue but now we COMMUNICATE and my marriage has been like a honeymoon since. 25 yrs and on our honeymoon.

Sit her down and communicate! 

If she balks, tell her being a good mom also includes continuing to be a wife so the family unit is maintained.
There are many wives, and some men, that when kids come along they neglect their spouses...to the detriment to the marriage.

Makes a guy feel like he is only wanted to procreation and pay bills....other than that he is not wanted.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Fisherman83 said:


> wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


Yep. By the grace of God, I didn't marry her. I really feel for those who did.



Divinely Favored said:


> Makes a guy feel like he is only wanted to procreation and pay bills....other than that he is not wanted.


And, in some cases, this is not just a "feeling".....it's the reality.... we're an appliance they use for the white picket fence and 2.4 kids. Sometimes, we're a "plan B" because "plan A" wanted to milk through the fence.



Fisherman83 said:


> I can’t help feel the urge to cheat.


Yep. Temptation is all over the place. Many women do offer "no strings" sex. But....please, avoid. Run away from temptation. Don't place it right in front of your face. It will ruin the lives of your kids if you get involved and find yourself in a nasty divorce.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Are ya nuts? Keep that idea in your “spank bank,” take care of your needs solo until she’s able to resume sweet lovin’


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

yeah, about that.
TELL HER you are going to be checking out if the sexual frequency and quality does not immediately improve.
point out the obvious fact that you did not sign up for virtually a sexless marriage.
then let that rattle around in her brain for a couple days.

some women seem to just get overwhelmed with a new child, and forget the whole reason they got married in the first place.
if you do not straighten her out NOW, you will be back on here in five years asking "how do i tell my wife that i need a divorce, especially with our 6 year old kid involved"


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Fisherman83 said:


> We’ve recently had a new born baby. Almost a year ago.
> myself and my mrs have had sex maybe 8 times in as many months. I understand that a woman needs time to recover mentally and physically but I can’t help feel the urge to cheat.
> I work in a profession where I deal with lots of women. And in my past experience, these women don’t care if you’re partnered up.
> wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


Being tempted happens to us all mate.

I'm 30 years in and temptations still arise.

My advice is to work with your wife and if both of you love each other, you will work through this.

How is your communication with your wife?

We have very few details besides slowing of frequency after a new baby.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Being tempted happens to us all mate.
> 
> I'm 30 years in and temptations still arise.
> 
> ...


Yep, temptations are real. Two were very close to happening.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> yeah, about that.
> TELL HER you are going to be checking out if the sexual frequency and quality does not immediately improve.
> point out the obvious fact that you did not sign up for virtually a sexless marriage.
> then let that rattle around in her brain for a couple days.
> ...


I doubt threats would help.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I doubt threats would help.


sounds like he has TRIED a lot of stuff to get his sex life back, but is at his whit's end.

i agree, an actual threat she might react to poorly.
but he IS thinking of leaving...that is more truth than threat.

how would YOU suggest he convey that, in an assertive but non threatening way? 

I do not know why she has stopped giving him sex, but she needs to get snapped out of whatever funk or fantasy world she thinks she is living in. a male will simply not put up with that type of crap


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Tell your wife since she isn’t paying enough attention to you - you’ve considered the marriage dead.
Get honest. Work on the issues - see if she wants to talk about what’s wrong with the marriage.
Tell her if she won’t - you are considering options.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> sounds like he has TRIED a lot of stuff to get his sex life back, but is at his whit's end.
> 
> i agree, an actual threat she might react to poorly.
> but he IS thinking of leaving...that is more truth than threat.
> ...


He didn't mention leaving but cheating. 
I would talk to her about it calmly and lovingly without making threats. Not sure he mentioned that he has tried a lot? 
Its very sad that he wants to break his promises so recently made.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Beach123 said:


> Tell your wife since she isn’t paying enough attention to you - you’ve considered the marriage dead.
> Get honest. Work on the issues - see if she wants to talk about what’s wrong with the marriage.
> Tell her if she won’t - you are considering options.


Wow, these threats just wont help.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i suppose i am looking at this from a man's point of view.
if the sex in the marriage has dwindled down to almost zero, i would take that as being a pretty agressive way of her telling me to F. OFF!

but maybe there is a woman's side to this? Maybe being overwhelmed by a new baby, with hormone changes, and all sorts of new responsibilities....could it be possible his wife THINKS she is doing all she can for him? It seems far fetched to me, but maybe all of this has screwed up her logical mind.

in that case, talking about it, pointing out logically all the sexual steps she is no longer meeting...talking about how the marriage is perilously close to dissolving...maybe she does not see this all??


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> i suppose i am looking at this from a man's point of view.
> if the sex in the marriage has dwindled down to almost zero, i would take that as being a pretty agressive way of her telling me to F. OFF!
> 
> but maybe there is a woman's side to this? Maybe being overwhelmed by a new baby, with hormone changes, and all sorts of new responsibilities....could it be possible his wife THINKS she is doing all she can for him? It seems far fetched to me, but maybe all of this has screwed up her logical mind.
> ...


How can she see it unless he tells her? Kindly and lovingly. 
If a man said to me that if I didn't start having more sex he was going to cheat/divorce, the very last thing that I would want to do is have sex with him.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

well speaking from what is probably his point of view, he thinks it is OBVIOUS. they are getting NO SEX. She has to have noticed that!!!


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## Fly With Me (Jul 11, 2021)

She needs to know how miserable you are. Most women (myself included until last year) don't really get how vital sex is for men. That it is how you connect and feel loved. Ask her to imagine if you were never affectionate or loving with her and never said anything appreciative or cuddled. Once we get it we GET it and then we are on board with meeting your needs. But often we just don't get it. 

My husband poured out 15 years of hurt and pain onto me over three weeks with one foot out the door and in the midst of what was, in my eyes, an emotional affair. It almost broke me. 

You are only 1 year in. Tell her before you do something stupid. And get her to read other men's experiences of sexless marriages. There are some good ones on forgiven wife. Hearing the same words you've said from other men can sometimes help to break through the cultural conditioning of "men just want sex" and "it's just sex what is the big deal" . 

It's not "just sex" it is how you feel loved, accepted, connected. It is most men's biggest need and it is as valid as our need for affection.

Get honest without making threats at this stage. Be vulnerable but be firm. She has to hear you on this or it will get to the point of consequences neither of you want.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Temptations are always going to be there.

You have to ask yourself "do I really want to be that guy that cheats"?

I've said it before and I'll say it again only cowards cheat.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> well speaking from what is probably his point of view, he thinks it is OBVIOUS. they are getting NO SEX. She has to have noticed that!!!


He hasn't mentioned what he has done about it. All he said was he is tempted to cheat. Maybe he even has someone in mind being that he apparently works with a lot of immoral women who are happy to have sex with married men. 
Has he sat down and dicussed this with her? He didn't say. 
To be honest I don't have much hope that this marriage will last. Just had their first child and he is already thinking about cheating. The promises he made clearly didn't mean much.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Fisherman83 said:


> We’ve recently had a new born baby. Almost a year ago.
> myself and my mrs have had sex maybe 8 times in as many months. I understand that a woman needs time to recover mentally and physically but I can’t help feel the urge to cheat.
> I work in a profession where I deal with lots of women. And in my past experience, these women don’t care if you’re partnered up.
> wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


We all have stupid and irrational thoughts at times. But if you go through with this, you are a fool. The first year of having a new baby is the best time. You should be bonding with your child, experiencing first moments, and helping your wife and mother of your son or daughter in anyway you possibly can. The sex life will come back. It can take up to a year.

But do not throw away your marriage, relationship with child, and self respect for ten minutes of sex with a low class 304 who will jump in bed with you knowing you are married with a baby. You will also tarnish your wifes memory of her first year with a new baby.

And the least issue here is what will happen when she finds out and has you served with divorce papers. A judge is going to drag you by your hair over flaming hot coals when he/she sees you cheated on your wife and a child under 1 is involved. You will be so broke that you will be that guy sitting in the nasty strip club at 11am on a Wednesday morning just to eat free peanuts at the bar because you are hungry.

Seriously, get a bottle of lube, a dirty mag, and a sex toy and suck it up for now.... I am sorry if this sounded offensive to anyone. But this is beyond selfish thinking. I feel like this would do serious damage to his marriage if she even read what he wrote.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Fisherman83 said:


> We’ve recently had a new born baby. Almost a year ago.
> myself and my mrs have had sex maybe 8 times in as many months. I understand that a woman needs time to recover mentally and physically but I can’t help feel the urge to cheat.
> I work in a profession where I deal with lots of women. And in my past experience, these women don’t care if you’re partnered up.
> wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


I bet you are a drive by and we won't see you back, but I'll ask anyway. Have you had any discussion about your the lack of intimacy with your wife? You only seem concerned about yourself. Have you asked her what she needs to feel interested in sex and intimacy?

You're going to have to give more details if you want help.

If all you want is an answer to your question, then the answer is yes. How you respond to those feelings is going to say a lot about your character. Are you one of those people that are POS cheaters that lie and sneak around behind their spouse's back? They don't care if they destroy their family so long as they get their physical gratification. Or are you someone that isn't a coward and will deal with a problem the right way?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> i suppose i am looking at this from a man's point of view.
> if the sex in the marriage has dwindled down to almost zero, i would take that as being a pretty agressive way of her telling me to F. OFF!
> 
> but maybe there is a woman's side to this? Maybe being overwhelmed by a new baby, with hormone changes, and all sorts of new responsibilities....could it be possible his wife THINKS she is doing all she can for him? It seems far fetched to me, but maybe all of this has screwed up her logical mind.
> ...





sideways said:


> Temptations are always going to be there.
> 
> You have to ask yourself "do I really want to be that guy that cheats"?
> 
> I've said it before and I'll say it again only cowards cheat.


Yes, because everyone thinks so highly of a man who abandons his wife as soon as she has a baby. I'm sure all those people at work would be very impressed with that level of integrity.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

DownByTheRiver said:


> because everyone thinks so highly of a man who abandons his wife as soon as she has a baby.


Yes. And, although I would think such a man to be lower than a snake's belly....... tell me why it is that NOONE thinks this of a woman who abandons her husband's needs as soon as she has a baby ???? I mean, either the marital promises count for both, or they count for neither. I can understand a time period in which rest, recuperation, and readjustment following childbirth is warranted and good. But, this is nearly a year.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Have you had any discussion about your the lack of intimacy with your wife? You only seem concerned about yourself. Have you asked her what she needs to feel interested in sex and intimacy?


Yes!! This!! That's the first thing I thought, and I'm glad someone else asked it.

I can tell you that threats won't work OP, she'll tell you to go **** yourself, I would too.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

TJW said:


> Yes. And, although I would think such a man to be lower than a snake's belly....... tell me why it is that NOONE thinks this of a woman who abandons her husband's needs as soon as she has a baby ???? I mean, either the marital promises count for both, or they count for neither. I can understand a time period in which rest, recuperation, and readjustment following childbirth is warranted and good. But, this is nearly a year.


Are you for real? This woman had a baby. Most likely is still getting her body back. Most likely had trauma to her body during delivery or csection. Add to that hormonal shifts associated with nursing, menstral cycle resuming, losing weight, and sleep deprivation.

Sex is important. But a man who cannot understand the stress of caring for an infant, physical issues, emotional stress associated with an unhappy husband etc, and says "have sex or expect to cheated on" lacks empathy. 
I'd really like to see a man cope with 10 months (40 weeks) of physical changes, added responsibility, and not expect changes. 

Disgusting. Seriously.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

snowbum said:


> Are you for real? This woman had a baby. Most likely is still getting her body back. Most likely had trauma to her body during delivery or csection. Add to that hormonal shifts associated with nursing, menstral cycle resuming, losing weight, and sleep deprivation.
> 
> Sex is important. But a man who cannot understand the stress of caring for an infant, physical issues, emotional stress associated with an unhappy husband etc, and says "have sex or expect to cheated on" lacks empathy.
> I'd really like to see a man cope with 10 months (40 weeks) of physical changes, added responsibility, and not expect changes.
> ...



I am a guy and I fully understand and agree with you on this. Sex is extremely important to a guy. But a new baby is just a magical time for a lady and a bonding time for the family..... I wont claim to say I fully understand what a lady is going through, but I know its special and this guy is about to throw it all out. I highly advise him to just wait until her drive returns and take care of himself until then. 

But I am with you, this is dangerous and disgusting what he is considering.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I highly advise him to just wait until her drive returns and take care of himself until then.


It's been around a year already, how many more years do you think he should wait?


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## marciastenson98 (12 mo ago)

Fisherman83 said:


> We’ve recently had a new born baby. Almost a year ago.
> myself and my mrs have had sex maybe 8 times in as many months. I understand that a woman needs time to recover mentally and physically but I can’t help feel the urge to cheat.
> I work in a profession where I deal with lots of women. And in my past experience, these women don’t care if you’re partnered up.
> wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


why dont you talk to her..dang bring one rose.grill wine ya know..dont sit and feel sorry for urself..whos the man of the house thing about you young guys you dont take marriage seriousley girls do. i would grow up first then have a family..and you girls wait till like 28 close to marry let him grow up love all m




ou


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Dude .... talk to your wife !!!! I spent the first year feeling like my balls were going to explode and the second wishing they would. Communication..... communication.... communication. Talk to her ...... NICELY.


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## marciastenson98 (12 mo ago)

Fisherman83 said:


> We’ve recently had a new born baby. Almost a year ago.
> myself and my mrs have had sex maybe 8 times in as many months. I understand that a woman needs time to recover mentally and physically but I can’t help feel the urge to cheat.
> I work in a profession where I deal with lots of women. And in my past experience, these women don’t care if you’re partnered up.
> wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


gald im the mid wife..i would kicked your sorry ass..whats done is done....your are trash dude


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## NotSureAnyMore1 (Dec 8, 2021)

Thinking about cheating is the worst thing that you will done to yourself. Talk to her, even if you did and still no change, talk to her again with explain your feelings. It is your right to demand sex from your wife. When ever my wife asks for sex, I do not refuse. 

Cheating is going to damage you a lot more than you expect plus it is not right to cheat even though your partner is not helping or interested. You do have a baby!! 

If I were you, I will talk to her and even try to change my job if possible. But not to cheat. Look at the problem from another corner, if your wife is demanding more sex and you are busy working or whatever, will you accept your partner cheating on you because you are not enough? I do not think so.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Eight times in eight months. That ain’t good. They need to talk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yes, because everyone thinks so highly of a man who abandons his wife as soon as she has a baby. I'm sure all those people at work would be very impressed with that level of integrity.


Well sadly some apparently don't care. The ones with no integrity or moral values.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

*Seriously*, get a bottle of lube, a dirty mag, and a sex toy and suck it up for now.... I am sorry if this sounded offensive to anyone. But this is beyond selfish thinking. I feel like this would do serious damage to his marriage if she even read what he wrote. 


OK - my take on your "problem"

Even Amazon has tons of SEX TOYS for anything/type of activity you can imagine. 
I read the majority of data flowing "across the internet" is pornography. It's free so you don't have to spend $
on a mag.

Better yet - take the advise to have a conversation with the wife regarding the lack of intimate relations.
Babies take a LOT of time and CONSTANT effort. It is likely her batteries are near dead when her head finally hits the pillow at night. 

Take over doing the laundry, vacuuming the house, grocery shopping, - and any other domestic chores you can.

Think of her time as "punching in" when she wakes up (or the baby wakes up @ 2am screeching for a bottle) and "punching out" when she passes out when her head hits the pillow. OOPS, forgot - she is on call 24x7x365. It is up to you to put in an equal amount of time.

OK you go to work - what? 10 hour days? 2 hours to commute? so you have 12 hours on your "clock" - contrast that with her "hours."

OK #2 - I HOPE you agreed to become a FATHER. Becoming a DAD is WORK and than includes "sacrifice" for the greater good of the family. YOU are now sharing the time your wife has in her day. It is the same number of hours she had before childbirth. NOW, the time has to be re-allocated so that YOU get less. And review the part about how much work minding the needs of a very young (especially a newborn) requires in terms of time and attention.

Ya think you have it bad now? I'll give you a hint - you want to muck up your life even more - bring a 3rd person into your marriage.

Go back to the general advise here - TALK to your wife and be gentle about it.

OK #3
Read here about how "families" disintegrate when a spouse becomes a cheater.
Read here how the *Betrayed *is forever changed when the cheating is found out.
(and there are other web-sites/blog with the same info)

Love is action - and the action of cheating is abuse of the worst kind.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

NotSureAnyMore1 said:


> Thinking about cheating is the worst thing that you will done to yourself. Talk to her, even if you did and still no change, talk to her again with explain your feelings. It is your right to demand sex from your wife. When ever my wife asks for sex, I do not refuse.
> 
> Cheating is going to damage you a lot more than you expect plus it is not right to cheat even though your partner is not helping or interested. You do have a baby!!
> 
> If I were you, I will talk to her and even try to change my job if possible. But not to cheat. Look at the problem from another corner, if your wife is demanding more sex and you are busy working or whatever, will you accept your partner cheating on you because you are not enough? I do not think so.


It's not right to DEMAND sex , but to communicate about it and work together to find a solution.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I think this guys was a drive by and we won't see him again. Which is too bad, because this is a problem that could likely be solved. 

Every woman and every relationship are unique, but if you had a good sexual and intimate relationship before and during pregnancy there is no reason you can't or shouldn't after the birth. I think a protentional problem is some guys think you can just drop a baby into the mix and expect everything to magically be the same. 

This is going way back in my memory banks, but our sex life was pretty much back to normal within a couple months. After our second baby we had a count down going till we had the all clear from her doctor to start having sex again. We openly communicated that we wanted to continue our sex life and that we would work to make it happen. I think what helped us was we knew upfront that we were going to share the workload of the new baby. Obviously mom is going to have a larger share of the work overall, but it doesn't take that much effort to give her a break. We didn't know exactly how it would work, but we knew we would figure it out. I was more of a night owl than my wife so I ended up doing the last feeding of the night and she would get the first one in the morning. We would alternate who would get up in the middle of the night. That was enough for her to keep her sanity and not get strung out on constantly broken up sleep. 

We would find time, mostly in the morning, for intimacy. Kids take quite a few naps, so there was time there too. Sometimes we would have sex, sometimes we would just nap. Sometimes both!

In this case quite a bit of time has gone by. I'm convinced that that we have had very few major issues in our 32 year marriage because we didn't let it drag on. We did our best to take care of it before it blew up. Even if it has been going on far too long it can still be addressed. It may just take more work. 

I suspect this guy won't want to put in the work. He is already looking for what he perceives as the easy way out and is willing to risk his marriage and family. If he comes back maybe we could dig deeper into what is going on and suggest some to fix his marriage instead of blow it up.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

marciastenson98 said:


> gald im the mid wife..i would kicked your sorry ass..whats done is done....your are trash dude


He is rightfully upset about an absentee wife. He needs to communicate the issue to her.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yes, because everyone thinks so highly of a man who abandons his wife as soon as she has a baby. I'm sure all those people at work would be very impressed with that level of integrity.


i am not sure what you are suggesting?

us guys are saying: DEMAND the mom go back to performing her wifely duties. Nobody said he should divorce his wife and leave the new baby, unless it turns out the wife is batshit crazy and will not listen to reason. and even in that case, leave the wife and possibly bring the kid along


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Every woman and every relationship are unique, but if you had a good sexual and intimate relationship before and during pregnancy there is no reason you can't or shouldn't after the birth. I think a protentional problem is some guys think you can just drop a baby into the mix and expect everything to magically be the same.


What actually changes when a new kid shows up?

You can not just go out partying on the weekend or weeknights. You need a baby sitter now and need to come back at a reasonable time.

You can not drag a newborn screaming baby to your fav restaurant, or rock concerts, or whatever.

but SEX???? there is absolutely no reason at all that sex, a few months later, should not be back to 100% of what it was. And with the wife's increased breast size, it might even be at 110%, If it is not, it is probably with mom's fault, and due to some unfounded reasons!

Can we make this a Men's Clubhouse Sticky? A few months after the kid comes, the sex had better be back to where it was pre-pregnancy!


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> well speaking from what is probably his point of view, he thinks it is OBVIOUS. they are getting NO SEX. She has to have noticed that!!!


No guarantees there. If she wants no sex, probably popping champagne bottles. I know my wife loves to not ****.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> What actually changes when a new kid shows up?
> 
> You can not just go out partying on the weekend or weeknights. You need a baby sitter now and need to come back at a reasonable time.
> 
> ...


Do you have kids? You make it sound like they just drop right in and the only thing that changes is your social life. 

They are tiring and add to the workload in the household. I agree that sex should get back to normal, but if the husband thinks he was done once he planted his seed he is in for a big surprise. 

That bold sentence is so wrong. It could be her fault, but it could just as easily be his fault.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Talker67 said:


> What actually changes when a new kid shows up?
> 
> You can not just go out partying on the weekend or weeknights. You need a baby sitter now and need to come back at a reasonable time.
> 
> ...


It was 10-11 months before we had sex again. It varies from lady to lady. You can't force the issue. She is in bonding mode and her hormones are all over the place. If you guilt her into sex, it will have no passion and will create resentful feelings. 

Aa far as the comment suggesting her drive will be higher because her breasts are bigger from milk. I don't believe you were clearly thinking when you said that. 

Just let it be until things smooth out. Unfortunately it might take 6 weeks to a year. But she is about as excited about sex as you are when you are sick with the flu, bad cold, etc


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## Drshorty91 (12 mo ago)

Don’t do it. My husband cheated on me every year we were together ( 13 years). I’m leaving him right now. He regrets it so much but it’s too late. This is just the beginning of him loosing his wife and two kids.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Drshorty91 said:


> Don’t do it. My husband cheated on me every year we were together ( 13 years). I’m leaving him right now. He regrets it so much but it’s too late. This is just the beginning of him loosing his wife and two kids.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


If he really has been that much of a serial cheater he doesn't regret the cheating. He regrets that he got caught and you a dumping him over it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am wondering if the op has already done the deed. I hope not, but its odd he isnt responding.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Fly With Me said:



That it is how you connect and feel loved.

Click to expand...

*Sorry, calling complete bull-**** on that one.

The OP has said NOTHING about missing intimacy or a connection with his wife or being love-starved. It's ALL about his pitiful genitals and how he wants more sex and he knows where to get it.

About the LAST thing this fool is looking for is "love" - unless it's the kind you pay for.

Pfffft.


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## Drshorty91 (12 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> If he really has been that much of a serial cheater he doesn't regret the cheating. He regrets that he got caught and you a dumping him over it.


Thank you for you input, I truly appreciate it. I’m currently very lost and sad but I know I’ll get past through this. If the pandemic didn’t defeat me ( I’m a nurse) I shall overcome this 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Something tells me this guy was a cheater before the baby. The fact he knows so many women ready for a meaningless romp and has planned to join in is not a good sign.

Also, we know nothing of the situation. Not all pregnancies are easy, not all kids are born healthy. My first child spent weeks in the NICU. Should I have been mentally ready to have go at it like rabbits? Not everyone is able or ready to have sex 6 weeks in.

As a woman, I really do enjoy sex. I look forward to time with my husband. If he were to run off and screw some rando to get off just because he felt like it, I would be destroyed. can't wrap my head around quicky which is likely to ruin lives. .


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> It was 10-11 months before we had sex again. It varies from lady to lady. You can't force the issue. She is in bonding mode and her hormones are all over the place. If you guilt her into sex, it will have no passion and will create resentful feelings.
> 
> Aa far as the comment suggesting her drive will be higher because her breasts are bigger from milk. I don't believe you were clearly thinking when you said that.
> 
> Just let it be until things smooth out. Unfortunately it might take 6 weeks to a year. But she is about as excited about sex as you are when you are sick with the flu, bad cold, etc


i guess i do not understand at all. it was maybe 6 weeks for us


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Do you have kids? You make it sound like they just drop right in and the only thing that changes is your social life.
> 
> They are tiring and add to the workload in the household. I agree that sex should get back to normal, but if the husband thinks he was done once he planted his seed he is in for a big surprise.
> 
> That bold sentence is so wrong. It could be her fault, but it could just as easily be his fault.


yep two kids.

but apparently the difference is, some men will put up with this "lets wait a year for us to have sex again" b.s., and other men will put their foot down. ALSO some women obviously enjoy sex so much they want it to start up right away, and others hate it and only dole it out in dribbles to keep their husband on a short leash.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> i guess i do not understand at all. it was maybe 6 weeks for us


Everyone is different.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> yep two kids.
> 
> but apparently the difference is, some men will put up with this "lets wait a year for us to have sex again" b.s., and other men will put their foot down. ALSO some women obviously enjoy sex so much they want it to start up right away, and others hate it and only dole it out in dribbles to keep their husband on a short leash.


He didnt say they had had no sex but not often.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Ok. The comment about hating sex? I bled for weeks. You want sex with someone passing clots? For weeks? You want someone flabby and saggy, sleep deprived who's up all night for months to snap to and go at it? 

I didn't cut my husband off. I was pregnant when my first was 7 months old, so sex was on the table.

I'm expressing disgust that this new father thinks his "urge" justifies betrraying the mother of his new born.

Men who cheat in this situation are pigs. 

Should she have sex? If she's feeling loved, valued, and appreciated. Should she F him while feeling tired, unsexy, and not not appreciated? Not cut and dried. Guys that think sex on demand is a right are a special breed


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Talker67 said:


> yep two kids.
> 
> but apparently the difference is, some men will put up with this "lets wait a year for us to have sex again" b.s., and other men will put their foot down.


Yeah, putting your foot down over this bs after your wife carriied for nine months, letting her body/hormones recover, and getting into her new role as a mother is a rock solid way to keeping your marriage strong. 

I will even say that my sex drive after she gave birth went down for a while.i would come home from work and wash whatever bottles she didn't get to, wash blankets, hold my daughter, feed her, etc. I would be tired at bed time and I would even get up during the night as we took turns.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Yeah, putting your foot down over this bs after your wife carriied for nine months, letting her body/hormones recover, and getting into her new role as a mother is a rock solid way to keeping your marriage strong.
> 
> I will even say that my sex drive after she gave birth went down for a while.i would come home from work and wash whatever bottles she didn't get to, wash blankets, hold my daughter, feed her, etc. I would be tired at bed time and I would even get up during the night as we took turns.


I think that's why my son and daughter are sports fans. Me giving them a bottle at 2:30 in the morning whilst I watched ESPN. We waited three months after each birth. But those were C-sections, so I think - technically - we couda been going at it much sooner. Whatever.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Yeah, putting your foot down over this bs after your wife carriied for nine months, letting her body/hormones recover, and getting into her new role as a mother is a rock solid way to keeping your marriage strong.
> 
> I will even say that my sex drive after she gave birth went down for a while.i would come home from work and wash whatever bottles she didn't get to, wash blankets, hold my daughter, feed her, etc. I would be tired at bed time and I would even get up during the night as we took turns.


My wife was back at frigin work on her 7th week, traveling across the country, as i took care of the newborn. 

i guess if you are lazy and do not even have a job, then it might seem like the end of the world to have a new kid.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I was the "lazy" nonworking mother of a newborn you are talking about. 

However, being lazy meant living at the hospital and monitoring my child on the heart and lung machine as he waited for emergency open heart surgery. 

I then didn't jump into sex, as I was too "lazy" while coping with a child with a critical heart condition. he's now 22 by they way.

Please refrain from thinking that any new mom that doesn't want to get to banging immediately bait and switched or is lazy. Pisses me off.

Lots of kids have colic, are preemies, have other issues, or the mom has a hard recovery.

Another thing moms don't need is to hear how they don't measure up because their ability to relieve their husband sexual frustration was less than ideal.

My dh and didn't struggle with that, and I'm not bitter about that . I am a bit angry about hearing how moms that weren't back to work in 7 weeks or in the sack before medically cleared are "less than".

Everyone's different.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Longtime Hubby said:


> I think that's why my son and daughter are sports fans. Me giving them a bottle at 2:30 in the morning whilst I watched ESPN. We waited three months after each birth. But those were C-sections, so I think - technically - we couda been going at it much sooner. Whatever.


I used to watch old Mike Tyson fights on Espn classic 😂. My wife had never seen a Tyson fight and they were showing Tyson vs Berbick for the championship. I asked her who do you think will win? She said that Berbick is bigger and looks stronger than Tyson. She said Berbick will win.... Shortly after the second round started she was wide eyed and said the ref needs to stop this before Berbick is killed lol. She asked me was Tyson ever beaten??? I said yes. She said by what, a gorilla??? I said no, but he offered a zookeeper 20k to fight an adult gorilla because he thought the gorilla was being disrespectful lol

I also remember nights where I would see the televangelist Peter Poppoff (think that's it) promoting people to buy little viles of holy water that would change your life I would sit there wide eyed thinking nobody can be this gullible, bit he is paying for time on the air so...... 😆


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I used to watch old Mike Tyson fights on Espn classic 😂. My wife had never seen a Tyson fight and they were showing Tyson vs Berbick for the championship. I asked her who do you think will win? She said that Berbick is bigger and looks stronger than Tyson. She said Berbick will win.... Shortly after the second round started she was wide eyed and said the ref needs to stop this before Berbick is killed lol. She asked me was Tyson ever beaten??? I said yes. She said by what, a gorilla??? I said no, but he offered a zookeeper 20k to fight an adult gorilla because he thought the gorilla was being disrespectful lol
> 
> I also remember nights where I would see the televangelist Peter Poppoff (think that's it) promoting people to buy little viles of holy water that would change your life I would sit there wide eyed thinking nobody can be this gullible, bit he is paying for time on the air so...... 😆


My friend used to get the pay-per-view for Tyson fights. Don't be late. He'd be winning fast. Real fast... the preachers on TV are like the casinos in Vegas, no shortage of income.


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## Fly With Me (Jul 11, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Sorry, calling complete bull-**** on that one.
> 
> The OP has said NOTHING about missing intimacy or a connection with his wife or being love-starved. It's ALL about his pitiful genitals and how he wants more sex and he knows where to get it.
> 
> ...


Regardless of whether the OP realises it or not I suspect that is what he is looking for. I could be wrong. I don't know him. 

You might be right about his character. Yet the fact he is here (or was) indicates he wants to find a way to a better choice than cheating or he would already be cheating.

Denigrating his character and telling him how awful he is might inspire him to be better but I doubt it.

I try to believe the best in people for as long as possible. It is valid for him to want more sex in his relationship than once a month. It is honest to admit he is thinking of cheating.

I hope he takes that honesty to his wife and they get to build a stronger more connected relationship.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Longtime Hubby said:


> My friend used to get the pay-per-view for Tyson fights. Don't be late. He'd be winning fast. Real fast... the preachers on TV are like the casinos in Vegas, no shortage of income.


I am not trying to hijack the thread and will not say anymore lol. But the most memorable fight was James Buster Douglas. Me and the guys dismissed this as glorified practice. One guy in our group said he saw it differently and said Tyson doesn't even look like he is training . He placed a 500.00 bet on one of those 1800 vegas bet hotlines. We poked so much fun at him in the pub along with other patrons.

When Douglas won, it got real quiet. He wouldn’t say how much he won, but it was a lot with the lopsided odds.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I am not trying to hijack the thread and will not say anymore lol. But the most memorable fight was James Buster Douglas. Me and the guys dismissed this as glorified practice. One guy in our group said he saw it differently and said Tyson doesn't even look like he is training . He placed a 500.00 bet on one of those 1800 vegas bet hotlines. We poked so much fun at him in the pub along with other patrons.
> 
> When Douglas won, it got real quiet. He wouldn’t say how much he won, but it was a lot with the lopsided odds.


I had to look it up. Buster was 42-to-1. so your friend who bet $500 made $21,500


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Fly With Me said:


> Regardless of whether the OP realises it or not I suspect that is what he is looking for. I could be wrong. I don't know him.
> 
> You might be right about his character. Yet the fact he is here (or was) indicates he wants to find a way to a better choice than cheating or he would already be cheating.
> 
> ...


My mind would think the same. My wife got all wrapped up in mommy hood and forgot she was a wife first. I am one who feels emotionally connected through physical. When you are dismissed or forgotten about it is distressing when you start feeling disconnected with your wife like she is just a woman you live with.

Was at times even awkward to engage in sex with wife as emotionally she almost felt like a stranger. To protect my emotions due to being ignored my emotions would start shutting down...then she would be upset and feel like I am pulling away and being aloof. Kind of difficult to be all sweet and loving if you feel like your wife does not give a crap about you and only wants you for a roommate to do half the housework/ childcare.

Just glad we established communication and resolved it before it got to divorce. Lasted till about 3 yrs after youngest was born. 

I asked my wife how she would feel if I did not feel like speaking to her but only 3x month. Would she feel hurt and neglected? Well to me the emotional bond I get through physical intimacy speaks far more that words. She was so wrapped up in kid stuff that she did not realize she was being neglectful to me. You have to Communicate....not just talk.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> My wife was back at frigin work on her 7th week, traveling across the country, as i took care of the newborn.
> 
> i guess if you are lazy and do not even have a job, then it might seem like the end of the world to have a new kid.


Everyone is different. All women have vastly varied pregnancy and birth experiences. All babies vary widely with how easy or difficult they are to care for. 
I had a very long and difficult labour and birth to a v large baby. Countless stitches after a forceps delivery. Couldn't sit without pain for weeks.
Baby slept very little, was quite demanding, always starving, didn't sleep through the night for a very long time. I was permanently exhausted. 
It was many months before I began to feel in anyway ok. 

Oh and my exhausting 24/7 job was being a new mum wife and homemaker.


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## Fly With Me (Jul 11, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> My mind would think the same. My wife got all wrapped up in mommy hood and forgot she was a wife first. I am one who feels emotionally connected through physical. When you are dismissed or forgotten about it is distressing when you start feeling disconnected with your wife like she is just a woman you live with.
> 
> Was at times even awkward to engage in sex with wife as emotionally she almost felt like a stranger. To protect my emotions due to being ignored my emotions would start shutting down...then she would be upset and feel like I am pulling away and being aloof. Kind of difficult to be all sweet and loving if you feel like your wife does not give a crap about you and only wants you for a roommate to do half the housework/ childcare.
> 
> ...


My husband and I have a similar story. Kids and church were totally my focus I had no idea how miserable my husband was. 

Now we have the kind of relationship 
we both always dreamed of but it has been a rocky and painful road to get to this place and he almost left. We talked but didn't communicate ... exactly! Sometimes I think men and women need a translator it would save a lot of pain and heartache.

Now I tell everyone in the hopes I can be the translator I never had.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Marriage demands communication. We have a Sunday morning date, if you will, and that has led to more fun in bed during the week. More than 90 times each of last two years. Sure beats the twice a month pace we had five years ago.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Fly With Me said:


> My husband and I have a similar story. Kids and church were totally my focus I had no idea how miserable my husband was.
> 
> Now we have the kind of relationship
> we both always dreamed of but it has been a rocky and painful road to get to this place and he almost left. We talked but didn't communicate ... exactly! Sometimes I think men and women need a translator it would save a lot of pain and heartache.
> ...


Fly with me?....you like aviation or flight attendant? Hot air balloons? RC airplanes? 

The frat I was in in college was predominantly pilots. One brothers dad was the personal pilot for Bill Cosby.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Fisherman83 said:


> We’ve recently had a new born baby. Almost a year ago.
> myself and my mrs have had sex maybe 8 times in as many months. I understand that a woman needs time to recover mentally and physically but I can’t help feel the urge to cheat.
> I work in a profession where I deal with lots of women. And in my past experience, these women don’t care if you’re partnered up.
> wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


I wouldn't recommend it, you'll regret it your whole life. I was in your position, not so much cause we weren't having sex, it's just I felt like an outsider, a third party if you will to the baby and wife. So I went out and ****ed around a bit, or maybe more than a bit, but as I look back on it, I was being very immature and selfish. When I look at my wife now, I feel bad and regret the crap I put her through. The last time she was going to divorce me and that finally got me to stop. I've been clean now for over 15 years, but still have those moments of regret. 

Was it worth it? Not by a long shot. I wasn' having better sex or even stopped feeling like a third wheel in my house. It just regret for the rest of my life. Don't be like me.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

sideways said:


> Temptations are always going to be there.
> 
> You have to ask yourself "do I really want to be that guy that cheats"?
> 
> I've said it before and I'll say it again only cowards cheat.


yes !!! only cowards cheat. I will also add manipulators and narcissists


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I wouldn't recommend it, you'll regret it your whole life. I was in your position, not so much cause we weren't having sex, it's just I felt like an outsider, a third party if you will to the baby and wife. So I went out and ****ed around a bit, or maybe more than a bit, but as I look back on it, I was being very immature and selfish. When I look at my wife now, I feel bad and regret the crap I put her through. The last time she was going to divorce me and that finally got me to stop. I've been clean now for over 15 years, but still have those moments of regret.
> 
> Was it worth it? Not by a long shot. I wasn' having better sex or even stopped feeling like a third wheel in my house. It just regret for the rest of my life. Don't be like me.


great and thoughtful post right here. Not worth it .


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## Fly With Me (Jul 11, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> Fly with me?....you like aviation or flight attendant? Hot air balloons? RC airplanes?
> 
> The frat I was in in college was predominantly pilots. One brothers dad was the personal pilot for Bill Cosby.


It's a line from a 3 Doors Down song. It inspired me to be totally honest with myself and my husband on a night our relationship could have gone either way.

It reminds me that deep, radical honesty is what makes relationships work.

Hence my advice to the OP.






I am seriously considering taking up paragliding though. I have always had a deep longing to fly.

In what ways are you divinely favoured?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Fly With Me said:


> It's a line from a 3 Doors Down song. It inspired me to be totally honest with myself and my husband on a night our relationship could have gone either way.
> 
> It reminds me that deep, radical honesty is what makes relationships work.
> 
> ...


I was thinking Frank Sinatra


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Fly With Me said:


> It's a line from a 3 Doors Down song. It inspired me to be totally honest with myself and my husband on a night our relationship could have gone either way.
> 
> It reminds me that deep, radical honesty is what makes relationships work.
> 
> ...


This is the song that came to mind.

Devil Blues- Come Fly with Me

Do not have enough space to list all the ways the good Lord has blessed my life. My wife and I meeting was Divinely orchestrated. First time I met her I was park ranger and I showed her where her parents were camped at the lake. 

I went by their campsite later that night when she was still there. She left after a while and I spoke to her parents for about an hour. When I left her stepdad told her mother, "That young man is going to be your son-in-law." They told us this on our wedding day 9 months later....25 yrs ago. 

My wife really likes sex with me and often and says she is addicted to me, she is as adverse to cheating as I am, We only know a couple of other marriages who's relationship is as close and strong as ours. We want to spend all our time together. Embarrass our kids with our PDAs. She is always telling me the Lord has blessed me.

I would say I am Divinely favored due to all that my Lord has given me in life. Prior hurt and pain is worth my destination.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Fisherman83 said:


> wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


Of course, others have been tempted. Hopefully, they found some self-control. You would not only be cheating on your wife but also on your child. Have you tried talking to your wife?



Talker67 said:


> ALSO some women obviously enjoy sex so much they want it to start up right away, and others hate it and only dole it out in dribbles to keep their husband on a short leash.


I think most women enjoy sex, just maybe not at all times. Others do hate it, often because their husbands suck at it or just suck as men.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Talker67 said:


> What actually changes when a new kid shows up?
> 
> You can not just go out partying on the weekend or weeknights. You need a baby sitter now and need to come back at a reasonable time.
> 
> ...


----------



## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Actually there are medical reasons why it can take much longer than the typically recommended 6 weeks. After my first child I was torn all the way to my rectum due to some unfortunate delivery circumstances. Trust me buddy, you wouldn’t have been doing it either. This trope of “demanding the wifely duties” is gross and I would show my H the door if it ever got put that way.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Fisherman83 said:


> We’ve recently had a new born baby. Almost a year ago.
> myself and my mrs have had sex maybe 8 times in as many months. I understand that a woman needs time to recover mentally and physically but I can’t help feel the urge to cheat.
> I work in a profession where I deal with lots of women. And in my past experience, these women don’t care if you’re partnered up.
> wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


Where for art thou Waldo???


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## SurfsUpToday (Dec 6, 2021)

What would cheating do for you? Other than for you to get your jollies? A weak man cheats. Are you weak?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

TeaLeaves4 said:


> Actually there are medical reasons why it can take much longer than the typically recommended 6 weeks. After my first child I was torn all the way to my rectum due to some unfortunate delivery circumstances. Trust me buddy, you wouldn’t have been doing it either. This trope of “demanding the wifely duties” is gross and I would show my H the door if it ever got put that way.


The birth was over year ago.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> The birth was over year ago.


If memory serves, there was a couple months no sex rule after childbirth. A year? Way way way too long. They should be much more often.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Fly With Me said:


> It's a line from a 3 Doors Down song. It inspired me to be totally honest with myself and my husband on a night our relationship could have gone either way.
> 
> It reminds me that deep, radical honesty is what makes relationships work.
> 
> ...


----------



## MysticMoon (Jan 9, 2018)

Fisherman83 said:


> We’ve recently had a new born baby. Almost a year ago.
> myself and my mrs have had sex maybe 8 times in as many months. I understand that a woman needs time to recover mentally and physically but I can’t help feel the urge to cheat.
> I work in a profession where I deal with lots of women. And in my past experience, these women don’t care if you’re partnered up.
> wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


I'm sure she'd had the urge to divorce you and make you a weekend daddy. Just don't do it! Find somr other way to be selfish!


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

What kind of man do you want to be? What do you want your child to think about you when you’re in your grave in a few decades?

Rekindle some romance with your wife. Maybe drop the baby off for an hour or two at grandma’s and pickup some dinner and wine.. 😉 

Get some exercise too. My jogging stroller was the BEST baby purchase I ever made. My babies loved to go out on the trail for a run with dad and my wife got a daily break (and my dog got a run too). Hit some push-ups, chin-ups, lunges too as you go and you can get a full workout in while entertaining kiddo with the fresh air outside. It will improve your mood and reduce temptation too.

When my wife was exhausted with babies she was the queen of the quickie too. She’d say “I just want to feel close” if she wasn’tup for a big blowout. These quickies can become the lifeblood of marriage during the infants/baby stage. I found out too- my wife always smiles and enjoys when I jump in the shower with her and she’s always relaxed in there 😉.

Good luck brother.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

CatholicDad said:


> What kind of man do you want to be? What do you want your child to think about you when you’re in your grave in a few decades?
> 
> Rekindle some romance with your wife. Maybe drop the baby off for an hour or two at grandma’s and pickup some dinner and wine.. 😉
> 
> ...


You have him in his grave?


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Longtime Hubby said:


> You have him in his grave?


Yeah, in a “few decades” as I said. I’ve got less time left than that.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

CatholicDad said:


> Yeah, in a “few decades” as I said. I’ve got less time left than that.


Be positive


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Be positive


It’s realistic and positive. It should inspire all of us to avoid temptation and become better men. My point really… not to make everyone sad.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

CatholicDad said:


> It’s realistic and positive. It should inspire all of us to avoid temptation and become better men. My point really… not to make everyone sad.


It was good advice if he's wanting to be a better husband. The other reality could be he's regretting some of his decisions. Obviously too late now, but if that is the case then your positive message probably fell on deaf ears.


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## plastow (Jan 4, 2022)

Fisherman83 said:


> We’ve recently had a new born baby. Almost a year ago.
> myself and my mrs have had sex maybe 8 times in as many months. I understand that a woman needs time to recover mentally and physically but I can’t help feel the urge to cheat.
> I work in a profession where I deal with lots of women. And in my past experience, these women don’t care if you’re partnered up.
> wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


just how selfish can you be ,your wife is tired worries about the baby and its all new to her.just because your now for a little while having to take second place to a baby you should also be putting first,you consider cheating and all the repercussions that will go with it.help your wife more be more a part of your family give her more support.be a real father and husband ,not some jerk who would risk all for a dose of the crap


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

How are you, your wife and baby doing, @Fisherman83? 

I would suggest counselling. Check this group out British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy


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## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

Every woman I think reacts differently and especially after child birth, I had two kids in a matter of a year and a half(which was because we had trouble conceiving and one time and the other one was coming). And ask me, I thought I was off sex for the better part of two years, but we still found a way, some stroking some other types of fun. I'm not saying it was a bed of roses, but communication and talking was all part of it. Don't resent, be communicative. Also women's hormones get affected during this time which diminishes their drive. But give an ear to what she says as well. Take the baby out yourself for a while, give her time to be herself too. Bond with the baby. You'll become stronger as a unit.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Divinely Favored said:


> The birth was over year ago.


It can take that long or longer.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

LMFAO!!!! And people wonder why I don't do relationships anymore. When I was young and stupid, I actually thought I would get married, have 2.5 kids, a dog, and be happy. Then I met reality where if you are not 100% ALL the time, you are screwed. Competition is fierce! If you get sick, have any medical, mental, or financial, glitch.....OUT!

Thank you sir for reinforcing what is wrong with humans today. You married and cranked off a kid with someone, and now mind-fuc&ing some other prospects because your wife won't put out. It could possibly be that she already realizes she really screwed up with you and wants to get away. 

I know one woman that is pretty attractive. She decided to date "the Chad"....you know, because they are awesome. He lives in the gym, works on his tan and bench max daily, and works even harder to act like he is something. FF to recent. This woman, who is shallow, injured herself to the point she needed serious leg surgery. She needed help to even get to the bathroom. What does dude do? HE LEAVES HER AZZ!!! And......even better......she gets all whiny on SM about people need to be better than that, and I see her on the online dating sites. 

Personally, those two are made for each other. Both shallow, superficial, and she will soon get over her reality check that once her pretty wears thin, there is nothing left. 

Dude, check yourself into a zero clinic, grab a coffee, and be prepared for a reality check about who you really are as a person.


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## Schek (Jul 2, 2019)

Fisherman83 said:


> We’ve recently had a new born baby. Almost a year ago.
> myself and my mrs have had sex maybe 8 times in as many months. I understand that a woman needs time to recover mentally and physically but I can’t help feel the urge to cheat.
> I work in a profession where I deal with lots of women. And in my past experience, these women don’t care if you’re partnered up.
> wanted to know if many others have felt this way?


If this is what's first on your mind, I think you should tell your wife what you're thinking and give her the opportunity to find a more compassionate man. 


Talker67 said:


> well speaking from what is probably his point of view, he thinks it is OBVIOUS. they are getting NO SEX. She has to have noticed that!!!


Didn't he write that they've had sex 8 times in as many months? How is that "NO SEX"? (Love all the "CAP HOLLERING" here btw)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Schek said:


> If this is what's first on your mind, I think you should tell your wife what you're thinking and give her the opportunity to find a more compassionate man.
> 
> *Didn't he write that they've had sex 8 times in as many months? How is that "NO SEX"? *(Love all the "CAP HOLLERING" here btw)


A marriage is considered sexless when there the couple has sex 10 or fewer times in a year.


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