# Oooooooooo myyyyyyy ......



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

GOD
I have to collect myself first but just wanted to tell you that he wants to get back with me......
I think my heart will explode at the moment....give me 15 min to collect myself...................OMG>>>>>>>>OMG


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Great news! Any concrete plans?


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm very happy for you. There is still a lot of work to do, but this is great news!!!!!!!!


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Ohhhhh GOD i still can not believe it but this is what happend:

So he called exactly at 2pm as promised.
ME: how are you ?

H.:i'm ok , i just had pasta at this place and my tummy hurts again and i had to throw up a few times.
(at this point I'm thinking WTF ,every time we speak he's either sick or throws up,i thought the conversation is doomed already)

Me:sorry,.... well i wanted to talk to you because of my last Email,i didn't want to sound like i don't want to talk to you...you know...you know that i do..right?!..very much and...
he cuts me off here

H.i have to tell you ,i've been meaning to tell you this since yesterday and was about to write you an Email this morning but than i saw that you do want to speak to me so I'm telling you now...I think we are worth the shot,i'm committing to try with you again I'll be giving a 100% from me but i want you to give 110% .
-Are you willing to give it a try with me again (HE ASKED ME)

Me:are you serious( my heart almost exploded at that moment....it was a complete disbelieve), are you sure of what you're saying.. ..because you've said that before and next day you backed off....

H. no,i'm dead serious, I've been thinking a lot ,even woke up in the middle of the night,pulled out our videos and pictures and I really want to do it. I'm committed. 

Me: great,i really want to do this too...but you know that...i'll be giving more than 110% ,the dynamic of out marriage is not going to be the same...i just want you to know that

H.yeah i know,i now also work days ,i know it'll be different for us

Me.you know you hurt me a little ,how can you think that i love you and want you only because of the kids...you know that is not true,i fell in love with you,you know i had a choice to make between you and that other filthy rich guy...but i chose you...you were about to go to grad school and we had nothing...but i chose you because i was madly in love with you and would have stayed with you even if you failed school

H.yeah i know that
.... i would like to come this month though and pick up daughter and have her here with me for 3 days,i'll be having 6 days off,i just need to spend time with her...just me and her..i owe her that.

me:OK no problem 
... do you have any plans at the moment,when are we coming and etc...

H .,I'm looking to either rent or buy a house at the moment and i want you guys here between April 20th and May 1st.I have a lot more days off right now so it'll be good and we'll have the whole summer together and the kids will be excited

Me..yeah that's right

Him..i want to sell one of my motorcycles ,i only need one ...and maybe i was thinking to buy a small boat for out little family...i think the kids will enjoy that a lot

Me.(about to have a heart attack but trying hard to collect myself) -Yeah ,that'll be great...

H>so you should go today and give the 2 month notice to the apartment complex and start thinking about the move..

Me : OK i'll do that right now

Him: I'll call you again at 5-6 pm

Me : ok ,have a great day


I'm still shaking and can not believe it....is this for real....


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

HURRAY! I am so happy for you. Sounds like he has put a lot of thought into it. 

Ah Vivea I am delighted for u.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

WOW. This really is great. I'm so happy to read this.

I got a bunch of books, and they really helped me. I went to bookstores and found what I liked and got 1 or 2, and then later got a lot more online (they were cheap half.com). I liked gottman's books, but I know they aren't interesting for a lot of people

I also journaled and put internet links into a text document, which helped me give some perspective when things were hard.

Best of luck. There is still A TON of hard work to do.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Woot! 

Do you have an idea of where you're going to start working on the relationship? Any books that have jumped out at you? My husband and I taking The 5 Love Languages quiz worked wonders! The 5 Love Languages | Five Love Languages


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## lovesucks12 (Jan 27, 2011)

So So happy for you, brought tears to my eyes!! Best of luck to the both of you!!


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

i would have to admit that my eyes welled up a bit too. it's wonderful to hear of people really trying to make things work. my emotion comes from a great desire to have this happen to me. it may not but i'm glad to see that it does happen.

:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## lovesucks12 (Jan 27, 2011)

Vivea - How long were the two of you seperated?


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

I've so so so pleased for you, I hope he means and sticks to everything he has said xxxx *hugs*


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Thank you so much guys.....nothing is for sure until at least we move there...i mean i can expect anything at that point...he's told me a month ago that he wants to try and than the next day backed off...was still not sure...well this time the conversation was completely different...he seemed more sure and positive when talking...he initiated the "us" talk...
On top of that he told me to give the apartment notice...I mean if he was not completely sure he wouldn't have told me that

Well i just did give a notice..there will be a bunch of fees to be paid but...he'll pay waaay more if we live separated so i'm not sweating it...heck i'll pay them double so i can have my family back KWIM

Weirdly enough (or not so much) i'm still nervous...i think i might have a heart problem after all this...i feel like my heart is pounding even more than before to the point that i can't take a breath...

Just wanted to let you guys know that MY HEART GOES OUT TO EACH ONE OF YOU.. i wish we all can have a good news at the same day ,same time .....i'm still not out of the woods...we still need to explore a lot of what had happened but first i have to find out if he can get his feelings back for me..this is my priority...once we do that i know that everything else will fall in place .

--------------------------------------------
l*ovesucks*....we are separated since Dec .1st because he moved to SC to start a new job..than we were supposed to join him...than 25 days later (on Christmas day) he told me it's over and that he wanted to separate. So depends on how you look at it 2-3 months...or even 5 because before he moved to SC on Dec 1st he was constantly gone ,working in SC and than coming back home to work his other job..so I barely seen him .

------------------------------------------------

I would like to get some books to help me... I looked numerous times in the bookstore but haven't found any that i like....suggestions are welcome and i will look into the ones that we suggested by anx and WhereAmI...thank you guys...i will get all the advice i can get at that point.

*WhereAmI*...i don't have a plan of action...well kind of...my plan is for us to move there so we can be in the same household..seduce him lol...and than slowly start working on our issues...i want everything to be as positive as possible...slowly we'll get to talk about what had happened and how to fix things..MC will be welcomed and hope he'll agree on it...i'm sure he will..he is already in therapy for his issues.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

I'm not sure about this...I think Crank and I need to meet him, just to make sure he is good enough to keep you!!!

that is the best news I've heard for awhile!!! I would try to get him to agree to MC asap! that would tell you a lot about how committed he is to making it work...

Again, I know how much you have suffered...this is great!!!


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

DjF said:


> I'm not sure about this...I think Crank and I need to meet him, just to make sure he is good enough to keep you!!!


:iagree:

Is it wrong for to be envious, jealous even ?

Best wishes to you vivea, hope all goes well.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

> I'm not sure about this...I think Crank and I need to meet him, just to make sure he is good enough to keep you!!!


lol lol ...this is too funny....yeah i would like you to have a little chat with him :2gunsfiring_v1: :gun:

Well i'm not going anywhere guys,i'll be hanging out here,i'm sure i'll be back to be feeling confused and unsure until i see "the look in his eyes" and hear the 3 most precious words...

So the suffering is no where near over for me...

Just wanted to say one more time I LOVE YOU GUYS...you make everything a little less painful and i really hope one day we can all meet up and share a real hug . You're all one amazing group of people...and you know who you are ...(((hugs))) to all of you ....


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Great news! How I'd love for my H to be that positive!  I wish you luck and hope he's for real.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

> Is it wrong for to be envious, jealous even ?
> 
> Best wishes to you vivea, hope all goes well.


 crank... i will be re-activating my FB acct. ,i can make your wife so jealous to the point of green,we all know she is checking you out ...just let me know 

Let's hope it goes well for me.... Please God...
I promised God i'll go to church more often now...i haven't been to church forever...i'm going to plan on going this week


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> crank... i will be re-activating my FB acct. ,i can make your wife so jealous to the point of green,we all know she is checking you out ...just let me know


be my guest 



> Let's hope it goes well for me.... Please God...
> I promised God i'll go to church more often now...i haven't been to church forever...i'm going to plan on going this week


church 

We are all rooting for vivea, we all wishing you the very best and things go the way you are hoping they do xx


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Thank you crank (((hugs)))...and i'm serious about Wife...payback time 

------------------------

He called tonight ,wanted to talk to me.I'm so F..ing nervous now but i'm really collected when talking to him.Told him i gave the 2 month notice to the apartment complex and i skipped a beat before he said " ok ,that's great"
i'm still not very comfortable with thinking that things are starting to work out...he makes me so nervous...i'm getting good at pretending "" everything is good"" though..
he said he'll call me again tomorrow morning before work ..i was like ""sure""...
he is coming to pick up daughter on the 6th of March...she is excited but a little disappointed that her little sister is not going..she'll probably drive him nuts by wanting to talk to me on the phone a lot...


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

> he makes me so nervous...i'm getting good at pretending "" everything is good"" though..


 Trust is hard to build back. Don't make it into a huge issue by being insecure about everything even though you may be. I'm pretty insecure still and its hard to trust my wife. She gets mad when I press her about it too much.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

vivea said:


> I'll be giving a 100% from me but i want you to give 110% .


Why does this bother me? :scratchhead:

I wish you the best of luck Vivea. I know you want this more than anything but try to keep your eyes wide open. 

Make sure you keep us updated.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Yeah ... i know what you mean freak..i didn't like it also but i'll deal with this statement later...

Of course i'll be updating...i'll be on here for a while i'm sure...even if/when things get better...i went through so much pain i feel like i want to help people in this situation ...it's the hardest thing to go through...


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

He is probably also saying that he doesn't trust you by asking for 110%.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

The reason I don't like it is because it is something my husband would (and does) say. 

Translation: YOU are more of the problem than I am, so you'd better make more of an effort to fix things. 

IMO, it starts things out badly before it even gets going. For me, a reconciliation has to put the past behind you and start fresh. That doesn't mean you don't learn from your past mistakes but it does mean that you should both be starting out on an even footing. No more blame games. No more guilt trips. No more finger pointing. No more using the past as a club to beat each other with. 

Two years ago my husband and I supposedly reconciled after a long stretch of some very bad times in our marriage. It looked good on the surface but my husband would NOT let the past go. He obsessed over it and would NOT let things go. Over and over again he grilled me about things I did and said. He did all of the above (the guilt trips, the finger pointing, etc). Eventually, this killed my desire to improve myself and invest in our marriage..and it destroyed what trust I had put in him. He says that "for awhile" I changed. He's right, because of what he did and how he did it I slowly reverted back to what I was before we "reconciled" and it all fell apart. Basically, I got tired of being told how bad I was. He just couldn't let the past go. He still can't let it go. 

..._*holding on to petty things, feeling all the hate it brings*_

So what I'm saying is: Beware and keep your eyes open and be prepared to walk if need be.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Thank you crank (((hugs)))...and i'm serious about Wife...payback time


So am I


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Yeah it sound like he does think like that BUT realistically he was the one that stepped out of the relationship so automatically he's right...at least for the moment...
The thing is he did admit his problem and is already going to treatment for it,as you guys know.I haven't gone to a therapist about my problem...because i do have fault in it too,i admit it and everything BUT he hasn't seen what i do to change.
He has no idea what I've been going through and how much I've been researching ,reading and self helping...so he just has no idea.He's told me before that he doesn't believe I will change.He just doesn't know that this horrible experience has changed me forever,that was such an eye opener that nothing else would have changed me...i believe.
I'm sure once we go to MC things will get clear for him as well.

H. is not a person that hold grudge or thinks a lot about the past .He usually is the one to go forward and forget and forgive,I was the one that won't let go. I know I can do it now,it's hard but i can ...knowing what's at stake.
Of course i will seek help the moment I find myself struggling and won't let the emotions to take over.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

anx said:


> He is probably also saying that he doesn't trust you by asking for 110%.


yes anx...he doesn't believe that i will change,he's told me that it's hard for him to change therefore he doesn't believe that I will change....


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> yes anx...he doesn't believe that i will change,he's told me that it's hard for him to change therefore he doesn't believe that I will change....


If it is hard for him, then it is also hard for you. If he doesn't believe you will change, then he doesn't believe he will change.
Or maybe I am just reading things that are simply not there.


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

Vivea!
I am so happy for you, but also nervous as well. I know you've been yoyo'd so many times by your husband, and have been waiting for this a long time. But I am also so very nervous for you. There's nothing more I want for you than to live happily ever after, after this reconciliation. And I know you know this, but Im gonna say it anyway, just take it as slow as possible, one day at a time. Too much of a whirlwind and your hubs may get like, idk, shell shocked and revert to his previous state. 
It would break my heart to see a sad post from you down the line. So Im going to send nothing but happy vibes your way and I'll totally keep you in my prayers. 
Lots of love and best wishes from my fam to yours!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Why does this bother me? :scratchhead:


It bothered me as well, but I think the best time to work on their marital issues will be when they're physically together. I'd let that statement go and never bring it up again. Baby steps.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Yeah baby steps are the way to go. Good luck girl! And I want to see you on FB too!


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

He called me this morning on the way to work... he was very pleasant ,i was not really thrilled to talk to him to tell you the truth ...it's just so hard when the connection is broken...but i pretend that i care about him ....
It weird how much i wanted him and now that he came back(kind of) i don't want to talk to him. I just want to work on the marriage and it seems it won't happen for the next 2 months.my guard is not down at all...i'm pleasant and nice when i talk to him but can't call him hunny or babe.He did call me "babe" today.
I'm such a a pessimist by nature so i started thinking today...what if he is doing all this for the kids...because he knows i won't go there if we don't get back together...what if he realized how hard will be for him to travel and see the kids...what if he just thought 
"well i 'll live with her for a little and than i'll leave her again and than once she is here it'll be hard for her to take the kids back to GA or may be she'll like it here and wouldn't want to go back"

ughhhh it's kind of hard to believe that he might do something like that but you just never know...i once thought i know this person so well and look what's happened ..

Well i won't find out until i go there will I  ..so i just have to believe that he is truthful .I don't think he'll do something like that BUT.....


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

totally  - haven't activated it yet...soon..not ready to answer questions and just chat with my contacts ,most people are close friends but also there are people from HIS family ... have to tell you what my in-laws did to me :crazy: ...will make a thred these days...they make me sick...don't know how i will face them when i go there.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Oh yeah the trust will take a long time to come back. If it will ever 100% be there ever again, that is. We all have the same problems, that the person who was supposed to be there thru thick & thin upped & left us. 

Thats one of the things that bothers me. How hard it will be to get past all the hurt & pain.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Vivea...I'm so proud of you...

now, when in the next few months, start talking about "us"...stop using you or me when discussing the future...always talk about us/we...so on...puts joint partnership on any issue, doesn't place blame!!!


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## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

Best wishes to you and your family, it is really great that there is a hopeful sign and behavior.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Called again tonight,asked me about the flat tire..etc..
told me he'll come next weekend to take daughter...also send me an Email about what exactly he wants to do and asked me if most of the things he wants to do with daughter are OK with me.
I can see that he is trying,he listed all of his days off for the month ,,,his BDay is at the end of this month and he has it off but i'm sure we won't be together...ohh well.
So he is trying ....i told him if he wants to he can stay over for 3 days and i'll go to my brothers so he can have more time with the girls but he said that he really wanted to take her to SC...i was nice enough to give him an option.
He said he'll call me tomorrow after work,i said not to worry and call when he feels like...i don't want him to feel obligated.
It so hard....for me he is still him but not really my H. I guess because I haven't had a physical contact with him...who knows.
So the Q now is -do I have to love him and show him I do regardless of what's happened in the last 3-5 months?!


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

> do I have to love him and show him I do regardless of what's happened in the last 3-5 months?!


You have to be open to forgive, rebuilt trust, and work on issues. A bunch of the stuff I was reading talked about love fading and growing. If it was there before, it can come back with time and effort as long as you both work on it. Unless someone has crossed a line that the other person can't forgive.

Definitely take the first steps and olive braches and sacrifices. Someone has to be the bigger person. If you can, do it. 

Be ready to forgive the small stuff. He will mess up and it will HURT because of the past. 

I've said this to a lot people. MC is an emotional rollercoaster and a mind F*ck at times. Its worth it though.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

definitely MC anx..not going to happen without it...
I think i can be the bigger person...I already AM... 
life gave me a huge challenge...I'm taking it because it's worth it...it's worth the effort...I will fight till the End...


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

He called me this morning.I had a bad night,woke up at 4 am started thinking too much,panicking again,high anxiety ,bad dreams about him leaving me again.
When he called my heart jumped to the ceiling...we talked..the whole conversation was struggle to me...it's almost like talking to stranger...i felt like i can't ask questions i usually would,i felt really awkward .So all in all really boring conversation,i was trying my best to be bubbly and fresh like a had a great night and morning...as I said ..a struggle 

Out of the whole conversation the one thing that he said that I thought is something about ""us"" was that he said that he's going to have more days off now and finally be able to go to the gym on a regular basis..he said "my goal is to be in shape for you when you come next month " ... I couldn't believe my ears ...i only answered "great,i'm working on me as well ,i want to be in shape for you too " ...wanted to create more intimacy in the conversation ...
so I count this as a good sign...but that is all I have so far.I have offered to help and look for a house online because I have more computer time than him he only said " yeah" .I know is kind of early to start looking, there are 2 month still but i kind of wanted him to say more than just "yeah"...it kind of bugs me and also gives me so much insecurity of how truthful he is , i mean he has 6 days off ... i know that he wanted 3 days for himself..to work out ,hang out with his buddy ...etc....but why he doesn't want to stay over for 3 days and spend time with us,he'd rather drive for two full days both ways to come get our oldest just to have one full day with her...him staying over would have given us platform for next month....I just hope he ""gives me something"" when he comes for an hour ,i hope he looks me in the eyes and tells me he is committed or ...just say something about us getting back together...

Am i overreacting now ?! I mean not that I'm not excused  but...


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

> i felt like i can't ask questions i usually would,i felt really awkward


 This is a good thing. My wife and I were really awkward when trying to find a new way. You simply don't know what to say, how to say it, why to say it, what is the right thing. Take it slowly, it gets a ton better.



> .So all in all really boring conversation,i was trying my best to be bubbly and fresh like a had a great night and morning...as I said ..a struggle


 I do not agree with this. Sometime it is ok, but IT DRIVES ME INSANE when my wife has issues and acts like they aren't there. This was a big problem for us. I can't react towards my wife when I don't understand what she is thinking and feeling.

In finding your way, learning to be open and honest with your deepest fears (you had nightmares) is VERY hard. You need to do it. 

The timing might be weird with where you are at. It might be a bad idea to bring up stuff now. you need to work hard towards being 100% (not 90%) open and honest. Its the only way you or your husband will know what makes the other person happy.

My wife and I are going to try to have a conversation this weekend over one of the few issues that we haven't yet fully resolved (working out together and free time). Despite both being happy right now, its really hard to open up about something that we fought about so much. Just the opening e-mail I sent her this week was as carefully and concisely worded as possible with as much love and understanding as I could give, and she said she had a hard time not being very hurt and angry and shooting off an e-mail.

Anyways, be open and honest even when it hurts to even think about mentioning it. Again, the timing might be wrong right now, but I would suggest you say something like. "I'm very happy to hear your voice and be talking to you, but to be honest, I was having nightmares about you leaving. You know this separation has been hard on me. I'm looking forward to moving back in and doing MC" and then be as happy as possible. It will show him you are committed to going through with this, which you have said before he asked you to give 110%.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

anx...i see what you're saying,i actually told him that i didn't sleep well ,because he asked how i slept...than he asked me Why and I didn't want to go into full detail in the morning call,he was driving to work i didn't think it's a good time to start conversation about that...i just answered that i haven't been able to sleep well for the last few months...that was a hint and he know what i was saying he just said "yeah"...meaning "i see" 
I will definitely talk about stuff like that and not pretend but i can't be whiny at the moment... we are still separated and i don't feel it's right...i don't want him to think he is getting back with a whiny woman...
He also told me before that he thinks I won't be able to trust him ever again and I told him that I will and not to worry about it... I don't want him to think "see,she's never going to trust me, i knew it,if she is already starting with this s#@t what is going to follow"

I never had issues sharing what bothers me ,I'm a person that always talks..actually too much...about what is going on and why this bothers me...etc..So I'm not a person to hold things to myself...he was also open...at least i think...BUT he is a guy he doesn't talk much about emotional issues..it seemed like he never had them...i knew that he was not happy in our situation before he left me ...but i never knew how deep he was affected..


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

You should probably tell him the truth. Tell him it's because you miss him and are having bad dreams and anxiety about missing him..


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

vivea, 
It doesn't have to be a conversation. I also had that fear. I didn't want to say anything due to all the fighting we used to do. Be careful in how you say it and it doesn't have to be more than "you know i'm insecure about this, and last night I had nightmares. I'm still looking forward to moving back". You'll get there, but it will take time. You might want to wait till you have more MC under your belt and are more comfortable with this not turning into a fight.



> i just answered that i haven't been able to sleep well for the last few months...that was a hint and he know what i was saying he just said "yeah"...meaning "i see"


 Same thing here, move past this and tell eachother what you really think. Not a conversation, but the honest, bare, 100% truth.

It is very risky if it doesn't go well with where you are at. I start a lot of my conversations with. "I love you. I have been hurting about X. I know you don't mean to hurt me and I'm trying to not make it a huge deal. I want to figure this out without anyone getting hurt and no fighting."



> I never had issues sharing what bothers me ,I'm a person that always talks..actually too much


 Same, I drowned out my wife with all my talking. She would shut down and I would PUSH for a solution.



> .i knew that he was not happy in our situation before he left me ...but i never knew how deep he was affected..


 My wife and I were definitely at this point for a long time. We had to work out of it. Neither of us knew what the other person felt. You guys are working your way out.

I've said a few times things like "I don't feel connected right now, can you snuggle me on the couch for 10 minutes". Also "I'm very anxious right now due to x. I need some space (or i need support)"


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

> I've said a few times things like "I don't feel connected right now, can you snuggle me on the couch for 10 minutes". Also "I'm very anxious right now due to x. I need some space (or i need support)"


anx..you say these things now or before the separation?!

I will definitely be truthful anx. i can not imagine having a fake marriage ,it's just that i'm going to wait for the right time...right now we are still in the middle between being separated and reconciling ...have to wait until we are together and can physically see each other...i would like to tell him stuff but in person not on the phone ...you know.


This morning the conversation was a little better,he actually told me that he got that motorcycle seat for me ,described it for me...said there is a backrest so i don't fall of...lol
It made me feel really good because i knew he bought it but wasn't sure for who?!
Of course i answered that i can't wait to take a ride with him and if i need to buy a jacket or a helmet to let me know...he said he has all this stuff for me....that was a first for us...to talk about his motorcycles in that way without me getting upset...I'm happy that i can put things behind,i am really looking forward to be sharing his motorcycle hobby with him now...so happy with how i feel about it 
We talked about his friends and work and his personal stuff...he let me into his world a little bit... i feel a little more confident now that he is truthful.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I learned how to say it sometime in counseling before separation. Failed at it sometimes, but do a lot more now.

Your right that separation makes it weird. Do what feels right as you go along and be careful as you progress. Its awkward and messing up is tough, but even if you mess up, you should be able to repair it better than you have recently.

I'm really glad you are both opening up and being friends. I think you guys will work this out.

I don't think anything bad would come of saying. "this separation has been hard for me. I'm excited every day when we talk". He will see that you are willing to open up, be vulnerable, and work on this and not just a sparring partner that exchanged heated words.

It always cracks me up a little. If he were to write his own post it would read SO VERY close to your own. He would talk about how much he was hurt in the past, how hard it is to know what to do, how talking on the phone has been good, and how he is having a hard time trusting you. We get so messed up in our own stuff, we don't see the other person feels the exact same thing as us. 

If its really good for you to hear when he opens up to you, do the same back to him. I 100% agree no phone "discussions"/arguements/issues. Opening up though is huge. phone/email/txting is sometimes really nice. Talking in person an be so much more emotional. My wife and I are terrible on the phone, so I 100% do not bring up anything controversial on the phone.

Good Luck, and its great to hear the updates are so good.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

He came 1 hr ago to take daughter for the weekend...i had exactly 1 hr with him...well not really because the kids were around. He hugged me again held me ,kissed me on the lips a few times(not in a romantic way but) .
I was shocked a little of what he said how he decided to get back with me. Listen to this,he said he was thinking about us : should he or not,he said he was looking for a sign of what to do.Than he said he saw a penny in front of his work that day...he got out of work later ..the penny was still laying there .He picked it up and looked at it, the penny had my BDay date on it .He said that he couldn't believe it...that it was the sign he was looking for.He told me the story while hugging me...I was like....whaaaat so i owe it to a penny...he said well it was not only the penny ...but the penny had a big part in the decision.
Can you believe it !???!! 

I have to say that when i saw him i definitely can tell i still have my strong feelings for him,and they are coming back fast because he is so nice to me now. When he told me the penny story I hugged him tight and told him that I have so much love for him and that he took the right decision,and we'll make things work,he held me tight and said "i know" ...like he believed me kind of " i know" .
I'm just a little jealous that he planned things with daughter,things that i have planned before we moved because I wanted to see how excited she is when we take her to the beach or the aquarium...well he is doing it by himself tomorrow and it hurts a little since he can wait...we are moving at the end of next month ..what's the hurry really BUT i bit my tongue ..smiled and said have a great time guys.

So it was a good visit ,i got what i needed from it,on Sunday he said he'll come early so we can hang out some more before he goes.
Ohh yes he also said he reserved a boat for me and him for June..which was an icing on the cake . He is trying for real! 

PS. don't get me wrong ,it feels good but i still don't feel like this is it,i still have a lot of doubts and only when we move there and start communicating like before i can get excited.Now I'm very cautiously excited!


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

hmmm now that a spoke with few people,there is no date on coins...did he mean birth year...have to ask him on Sunday!


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

hey, if nothin else, find a bunch of coins with your birth year and start dropping them in places you'll know he will be!!!


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

DjF said:


> hey, if nothin else, find a bunch of coins with your birth year and start dropping them in places you'll know he will be!!!


 lol...good idea...it that is what it takes...hahaha :smthumbup:


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

funny how the smallest of things give us the biggest of hopes...not that this is the "smallest" of things, it just reminded me of something that seems so far away...

I got an text that said "eventually, maybe we will get back together" when we first separated...I walked on water for a week...


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

> that it was the sign he was looking for.


 omg rofl.



> don't get me wrong ,it feels good but i still don't feel like this is it,i still have a lot of doubts and only when we move there and start communicating like before i can get excited.now i'm very cautiously excited!


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Well, I gotta give the guy credit. He's trying. That was so cute about the penny. Awwww..

No, there's no date on pennies. Just the year. But at least he was trying to make a connection. 

Sounds promising. Hopefully he'll put aside some time for you both. He's probably scared too. Just be patient.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

thanks guys <3 <3 <3
dan...yeah ,the little things...when you are separated you see everything magnified so the little things become huge,right! 

freak...is that your beast...niiiiice 

Well i have to say that H. learned the hard way that his trip was not a good idea...i have been telling him but he wouldn't listen.
Daughter called 5 times last night crying because of the long drive 5.5 hrs,"i miss you mommy i want to come home...."
He has to drive her back tomorrow but now he is making plans to drive tonight in the middle of the night because he obviously wants her to sleep so he doesn't have to hear he complaining.
Sorry buddy i told you so and also if we didn't get back together....OMG what a rough awakening that would've been...to drive like that all the time...good luck with that.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Yep, that's the Jeep! My daughter calls it the "Queen Bee" because it's yellow and black. 

Damn, dealing with young 'uns is tough. My kids and I were having lunch and there was a table full of younger children. (10 and under) next to us. They were causing a bit of a commotion. I said to my kids "Better them than me". Most people cringe at the thought of dealing with teens but I LOVE it. I just have the best time with my kids. I can talk to and relate to them and I rarely have any problems with them. 

My son and I bought him jeans today and we were having the BEST time joking around. He puts these pants on and they are HUGE. He looked like one of those gangsta' rappers so I said: "Boy, you be lookin' like Snoop...'cause your pants droop! You're saggin' and baggin' and your pants be draggin'." He started cracking up! :rofl: Everyone in the dressing room thought we were crazy. 

Yeah, I love 'em.


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