# Ladies: what does it mean when you are disgusted by....



## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

...something like a dribble of pre-c*m dripping on your arm and you need to clean it off asap. Or seem generally disgusted by male genitalia in a movie and it reflects in lack of activity in the bedroom where you won't touch your husband's at all. 

Sex is also a night time thing, in the dark, and has no variety and its up to the husband to do the foreplay and most of the actions.

Getting male fluids on her body wasn't an issue before marriage. Neither was daytime sex. I can't figure it out at all. 

I've tried speaking to her about all this and she shuts down and doesn't want to talk about it. Do women get out of their comfort zone during the dating phase and even engagement phase to obtain and hang onto their man so they can get married? Once married, their work is done and they don't need to please him anymore?

I've been talking to a few friends of mine who are married and many are complaining about the same thing. It's unbelievable. Excuses range from too tired, kids (those who have them), other lame excuses. 

All I (and we) want is affection from our wives. I'm tired of getting it sucked out of me.

Sorry for the rant. Any insight is welcomed.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

There is probably a good bit of Bait & Switch going on out there. But I also think there is a good bit of other psychological stuff going on. For example while dating we do a lot of different things to please her, but once married we might tail off on things which happened to be the things that she really liked. And so she cools off. The relationship can become a lower priority after marriage, and thus it cools off. So she becomes less interested in sex.

I do hear a lot of stories about women who do things with boyfriends and then won't do them after the wedding. I think it is dishonest on the woman's part when that happens.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If I was truly disgusted by male genitals or pre cum, I would get therapy. If I just wanted an excuse to not have sex, I would pretend I was disgusted with those things.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't know. Sounds so foreign to me. Is she like this with other things? Like a clean/germ freak? I don't know...


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## ClosedOff (Nov 30, 2011)

To me (and I'm a woman) this almost seems like she might have changed her sexual orientation on you. Maybe that's not the case, but to be disgusted by male genitals in general...even ones on TV? :scratchhead: IDK, that just seems really weird. 
Although, it does remind me of how my mom was, she was always angry with my dad and was very demeaning of him, and she hated to even watch people kissing on TV. It was like, the thought of sex with my dad was disgusting to her, and so she didn't want to be reminded of it elsewhere. 
I wonder if your wife has something brewing inside that she is resentful of you for, and so she's just turned off about sex also as a side effect? Is she affectionate at all in any other ways?


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## julia71 (Oct 25, 2010)

Funny thing, I'm recently separated, and I've become MUCH more open sexually than I was when married. Of course, my marriage SUCKED (verbally abusive) - so that probably has alot to do with it. BUT, my point is, I thought when I was married that my sex drive was just gone or low cause of getting older (just hit 40). NOT SO! Seems I start the divorce process, move out to my own place, and lo and behold - my sex drive is just fine! And I'm all kinds of willing to do all kinds of fun, freaky, wild stuff - okay nothing completely out there - but I definately don't have problem with sex. It was a problem with the marriage. My MC that we went to at the end of my marriage did say the last thing to show trouble in a marriage is the sex. Usually other areas have problems, and then finally the last place to get hit, and for the problems to start manifesting is in bed.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I don't have this problem as it doesn't bother me.

And I prefer doing the deed with lights on. I like to see everything. But I'm flexible w/ that. 

Talk to your wife about how this makes you feel.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Yes, it's called DISAPPOINTMENT with you and the marriage. Now that she's married and sees how things are going, she realizes that many of her expectations have not been met. She is disappointed. She is resentful. She doesn't trust you with her feelings. How much of this is due to you and how much is due to her is something that I don't know....but probably a combination of both.

When you are happy in marriage, you don't go backwards in terms of your sexual activity....you move forward. Your sex life is a barometer for your marriage.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Your wife may be on a different forum asking "What does it mean when your husband no longer takes you out on dates, buys you flowers, rubs your back, compliments you, helps with running the house and notices your new haircut?"


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ True


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## expatforlife (Jun 12, 2011)

I agree with Laurae's two statements. That is exactly what I was thinking.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

Just throwing this out there, probably not the case but....

If she seemed really into the sex before you were married, like not just to hook you but really into it, and if this change took place really suddenly, could something have happened to her that you don't know about? 

I have a close friend who was attacked one night while leaving the grocery store. She went 10 months without telling ANYONE. We all knew something was wrong but couldn't get her to talk to us. Her husband tried everything to get her to talk to him, she just completely changed on him but could not tell him why. It took a totally mental breakdown for her to admit what happened. 

Again, probably not what's going on here, but before you convince yourself that she's flaming you make sure it isn't something less evil on her part.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

expatforlife said:


> I agree with Laurae's two statements. That is exactly what I was thinking.


Definitely not the case. I help around the house, help her with her volunteer work, compliment her, we do activities together, etc. 

The change was gradual. Although there were signs before marriage I choose to ignore unfortunately.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> Your wife may be on a different forum asking "What does it mean when your husband no longer takes you out on dates, buys you flowers, rubs your back, compliments you, helps with running the house and notices your new haircut?"


There are men who do those things?? 

I think we need more information about her before we can really take a stab at what's going on... It could be so many different things.

My husband hates his bodily fluids more than I do... I don't mind them at all...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Have you talked to her about this? What is your solution? Hers?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## expatforlife (Jun 12, 2011)

You state that your affection is getting sucked out and you do a bunch of stuff for your wife but are you sure you are meeting her needs? Have you asked her what they are? You may be putting all your efforts and energy into what you perceive is her needs are.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I think it may mean one of the two "R's" (maybe even both simutaneously) is at play: repression and/or resentment.

Marriages work a lot better when both people throw off the R's and embrace the C's: change (in themselves) and commitment (to the marriage and their partner). And to do that involves another 'C': choice.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Enchantment said:


> I think it may mean one of the two "R's" (maybe even both simutaneously) is at play: repression and/or resentment.
> 
> Marriages work a lot better when both people throw off the R's and embrace the C's: change (in themselves) and commitment (to the marriage and their partner). And to do that involves another 'C': choice.


This is so true, never heard that before ! :smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> Your wife may be on a different forum asking "What does it mean when your husband no longer takes you out on dates, buys you flowers, rubs your back, compliments you, helps with running the house and notices your new haircut?"


I call BullS*it on this one! How many of us "NICE GUYS" on here do those kinda things and are still posting what this guy is. It isn't THOSE things! It's called MAN-UP and do the RIGHT things that your WIFE will respect, not those that put her on the "PEDESTAL". 

Sorry Laurae. Someone has to say it!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Hurra said:


> Although there were signs before marriage I choose to ignore unfortunately.


It appears those signs you unfortunately chose to ignore are coming back to bite you in the butt.

So could you expound on what signs you saw prior to marriage?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Dadof3 said:


> I call BullS*it on this one! How many of us "NICE GUYS" on here do those kinda things and are still posting what this guy is. It isn't THOSE things! It's called MAN-UP and do the RIGHT things that your WIFE will respect, not those that put her on the "PEDESTAL".
> 
> Sorry Laurae. Someone has to say it!


What are the 'man up' things that would make his wife respect him?


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> What are the 'man up' things that would make his wife respect him?


Demonstating self respect and not allowing his wife to act like he's something she scraped off the bottom of her shoes. Go and read the sticky at the top of the men's clubhouse - all you need is there (warning, there's plenty to read, to allow a reasonable amount of time).


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> Demonstating self respect and not allowing his wife to act like he's something she scraped off the bottom of her shoes. Go and read the sticky at the top of the men's clubhouse - all you need is there (warning, there's plenty to read, to allow a reasonable amount of time).


What? So a woman wanting to have her needs met in a marriage amounts to her 'acting like he's something she scarped off the bottom of her shoes'? Really?


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> What? So a woman wanting to have her needs met in a marriage amounts to her 'acting like he's something she scarped off the bottom of her shoes'? Really?


No. But I quote the OP:

"...something like a dribble of pre-c*m dripping on your arm and you need to clean it off asap. Or seem generally disgusted by male genitalia in a movie and it reflects in lack of activity in the bedroom where you won't touch your husband's at all..."

That is to say, the sort of behaviour associated with scraping something unpleasant off the sole of one's shoe.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Dadof3 said:


> I call BullS*it on this one! How many of us "NICE GUYS" on here do those kinda things and are still posting what this guy is. It isn't THOSE things! It's called MAN-UP and do the RIGHT things that your WIFE will respect, not those that put her on the "PEDESTAL".
> 
> Sorry Laurae. Someone has to say it!


I think you are confusing being subserviant with meeting needs. This guy says he helps around the house....that is not necessarily meeting his wife's needs. 

Whether you are a man or woman, being a doormat is not attractive to your partner. But this guy has not described being a doormat (unless you think any guy who does stuff for his wife is a doormat). What he described was her aversion to his penis and his bodily fluids. That is the issue. And since it's gotten more pronounced over time, I bet this aversion has blossomed due to her unhappiness with her husband and marriage.

Many women (and men) enter a marriage with certain expectations and are deeply disappointed when they see what their marriage turns into.

The OP can blame it all on his wife, but I believe most marital problems stem from a dynamic that is created by BOTH people. He can choose to do nothing and the problem will get worse or he can choose to look deeper to see what he can do to help the situation.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

julia71 said:


> Funny thing, I'm recently separated, and I've become MUCH more open sexually than I was when married. Of course, my marriage SUCKED (verbally abusive) - so that probably has alot to do with it. BUT, my point is, I thought when I was married that my sex drive was just gone or low cause of getting older (just hit 40). NOT SO! Seems I start the divorce process, move out to my own place, and lo and behold - my sex drive is just fine! And I'm all kinds of willing to do all kinds of fun, freaky, wild stuff - okay nothing completely out there - but I definately don't have problem with sex. It was a problem with the marriage. My MC that we went to at the end of my marriage did say the last thing to show trouble in a marriage is the sex. Usually other areas have problems, and then finally the last place to get hit, and for the problems to start manifesting is in bed.


This could also be your body reacting to the need to now compete with other females for males.

In marriage you can forgo a lot of things, but on the dating scene you need to compete to be noticed and kept around.

so your body starts generating lots of motivation hormones to get your out looking and looked at.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*"...something like a dribble of pre-c*m dripping on your arm and you need to clean it off asap. Or seem generally disgusted by male genitalia in a movie and it reflects in lack of activity in the bedroom where you won't touch your husband's at all..."*

I think it mean either you aren't very clean, or very loving..... or she doesn't like you... or she just has really weird sexual issues. 

*Were you careful with the prefluids before the marriage & just not careful now?*

Really? Careful with the fluids of sex? Why? I can't imagine someone having sex but doesn't want to get any fluid on them. (Ok, maybe Monk)....


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Well... OP could just buy his wife a rubber crotchless suit, and maybe wear a little clown hat on his penis to make it less disgusting... unless she has a thing against clowns too. 

Maybe she is gay?

And ya, I AM lucky to not have any sexual hangups that prevent me from enjoying one of God's greatest gifts!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> No. But I quote the OP:
> 
> "...something like a dribble of pre-c*m dripping on your arm and you need to clean it off asap. Or seem generally disgusted by male genitalia in a movie and it reflects in lack of activity in the bedroom where you won't touch your husband's at all..."
> 
> That is to say, the sort of behaviour associated with scraping something unpleasant off the sole of one's shoe.


Well you could look at it that way and assume the person is looking at their spouse as something unpleasant off the sole of their shoe. To assume that you have to also assume that the wife is a mean, vindictive person. If one makes that assumption about their spouse they should just leave the marriage... why stay with someone who is mean/vindictive. On the other hand if it's mearly the husband's assumption that his wife is mean/vindictive... then he is acutally the mean/vindictive person and she whould leave him.

From experience this woman is unhappy in her marriage. Some of her needs are not being met and it manifests in an aversion to some things sexual. It's a very common reaction in both men and women.


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

Why is it when the assumption that a woman's needs aren't being met, is there a general alert to defcon 1 and the world is about to end, but when a man says his aren't being met, he is upbraided for not meeting the needs of his wife? It's all about her needs, but his needs are either ridiculed or he's accused of being an insensitive a$$. Maybe he is trying to meet her needs, but she may not be very clear about what those are. In my own experience, I actually asked and I was told in a nutshell "Guess". So maybe he is married to a passive-aggressive abuser, or,

It's quite possible he is married to someone who is struggling with her sexual identity, or she's just plain effing selfish.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

mr.miketastic said:


> Why is it when the assumption that a woman's needs aren't being met, is there a general alert to defcon 1 and the world is about to end, but when a man says his aren't being met, he is upbraided for not meeting the needs of his wife? .


I have no clue where you got that take away. I see plenty of DefCon responses when a man isn't getting his needs met. :scratchhead:


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I have no clue where you got that take away. I see plenty of DefCon responses when a man isn't getting his needs met. :scratchhead:


Yup. Neither side has a monopoly on "righteous indignation" (ahem...)



mr.miketastic said:


> In my own experience, I actually asked and I was told in a nutshell "Guess". So maybe he is married to a passive-aggressive abuser, or,
> 
> It's quite possible he is married to someone who is struggling with her sexual identity, or she's just plain effing selfish.


Or they actually _don't know _- they have never given a moment's thought to what their needs are, because they were brought up to believe that having needs is selfish in and of itself.

Or they think that in a perfect marriage it all happens by magic and osmosis and you never have to articulate anything, because your partner should "know".

Or they're too lazy to actually think about it and abrogate any responsibility for their own happiness to their partner and whine when it doesn't happen.

And guess what? Both MEN and WOMEN can do _all_ of these, including the ones you listed!


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## FurryFluffy (Dec 2, 2011)

I'm a germ-freak woman, and I don't mind about pre-cum on my skin whatsoever. I do mind seeing it getting wasted on some tissue inside the trash bin, though :{


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

expatforlife said:


> I agree with Laurae's two statements. That is exactly what I was thinking.


Quite possibly true. I would want to know whether this transformation happened over a period of months or years, or happened seemingly overnight. The longer it took for this to happen the more likely (IMHO) it is a relationship issue and not baggage or deceit on her end.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Hurra said:


> Although there were signs before marriage I choose to ignore unfortunately.


This is the key. Total Bait and Switch.


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