# Q for men: if your gf/wife tells you not to do something, does it make you want to do



## blue23 (Jul 16, 2011)

make you want to do it?
Just curious. It seems like the more I ask my boyfriend to stop doing something (watching porn every time I leave the house) he does it more...
????


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

That's just human nature...well, IMMATURE human nature.

If I tell my children to not do something or not touch something, they do it more.

My mom told me I wasn't allowed to smoke. LOL I would light up as soon as I got in my car.

Porn is different. Instead of telling him to stop (he's not a child), why not tell him how it makes you feel when you know he watches it. Tell him it makes you feel [however it does] and you wish he'd quit, but you know you can't control him.


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## blue23 (Jul 16, 2011)

yeah, you're right...I've tried...many times...he seems to do it more when he's really stressed out about work...except that in the past 2 days EVERY TIME i wasn't home ....he would do it the second I left...literally. dunno what to do.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Is it a deal breaker for you? he's a boyfriend...I'd probably leave him. I'm not down with porn. My husband isn't either.


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## blue23 (Jul 16, 2011)

it's been a problem for a while but we've been together for almost 3 years and I love him. but it has been a source of fights for like a year. I dunno, I'm lost haha. Dunno what to do. We're going to counseling, haha. who knows.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Does he see you as controlling?

That could play a rather large factor in this.


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## blue23 (Jul 16, 2011)

yes....he has said that many times. and I think that I probably am as well.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Then learn how not to be controlling. It usually stems from being insecure and having abandonment issues (hence my issues).

Your life will be calmer and nicer.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The missus and I both have this problem, kinda learnt to deal with it somewhat, by telling her to do A so that she will do B! Doesn't always work though. She's in her own little world...


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

When someone uses the word 'controlling' it means 'you should accept anything I do regardless whether or not it hurts you'


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

morituri said:


> When someone uses the word 'controlling' it means 'you should accept anything I do regardless whether or not it hurts you'


:iagree:

While there are some people that are very controlling, most of the time I believe the word is used these days by men and women who wish to do as they please without regard for their OH. 

It is not controlling to have good relationship boundaries, and if porn is an issue for you and you feel it is not appropriate then he should respect that.

porn is often very harmful for relationships, and there is a big societal myth that it's harmless and the people that don't like it are insecure, when in fact there are very valid reasons for not liking porn.

It is highly addictive, studies show it makes men feel less satisfied with their OH's and causes unrealistic ideas about sex and can cause men to be unable to cum without porn or thinking about what they have seen in porn.

It sounds like he is very immature and cares nothing for your feelings.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

He may have a Porn addiction. Does he use it over you? Do you feel neglected sexually or is it more he is hounding you for sex, just can't get enough? 

They have forums specifically for Porn addiction -for support for the man & his wife/gf. 

Support Board • Index page

Porn Addiction Message Board - Powered by XMB

At least you are not married yet. Make sure he gets the help he needs - or this should be a deal breaker for you. 

I don't have a problem with my husband looking at a little porn, but he has NEVER put it before me, does not masterbate to it . It also would not be acceptable to me if he lied & hid these things from me, he knows he does not have too. I am good with this. We use it more together as a spicing, both only like the softer more romantic porn.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

blue23 said:


> yes....he has said that many times. and I think that I probably am as well.


If one partner sees the other micromanaging them, it makes them more likely to ignore a rather reasonable request.

Be honest with yourself. Are you critical of him often?

Is it warranted?


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## blue23 (Jul 16, 2011)

I'm going to post something else with more information about this. Thank you all for your help....I hope things get better


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