# What does this mean?



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

So, I am still dating the same guy after a year, although after a few red flag incidents, I have taken a step back (small) from the relationship. Every other weekend my guy has his kids, he's actually in a shared agreement, so it's one week on, one week off. The weekends he has his kids, I will go up (an hour north) to his place on the Sat. and leave Sunday morning. I thought this worked well, that he may want to spend some leisure time with his kids alone. So I usually go out on Friday's either to a movie with a friend, or just out for a couple of drinks.,

Last night I was talking on the phone and he says "are you coming up this weekend (no kids with him)"? I responded "why would you ask that, of course I'm coming up". Then he responds with "oh ok, it just seems like you're Fridays are pretty busy now". Whoa, really? I then said to him that I only come up on Sat. when he has the kids so that he can spend some time with them. His response "I get it".

This is a person that has shown no jealousy throughout this relationship, he's not possessive etc. It just seems strange that when I take a step back and enjoy spending time with family and friends, he seems taken a back by it. Sorry dude, but I also need a life, I am not able to go out during the week when I have my two kids.

I was pretty pissed when I got off the phone and I will see him tomorrow, should I bring it up again? and how?

It seems like this whole relationship/dating s*it sucks the bag sometimes.


----------



## hereinthemidwest (Oct 7, 2010)

I wasted over a year of my life on somone who I KNEW I wouldn't live with it nor marry.:scratchhead: I know sad. 
He had a week on and week off with his son too. Everytime he didn't have his son he wanted me up his A55 over at his house. 

I decided to step back. It became clear that the guy I was seeing needed to work on himself. His marriage had ended and I was his first GF. He had no emotional bond with me. After a while I could tell. I was just a band aid to cover his pain that he needed to deal with. I filled up space in his life. 

I ended up telling him I didn't want to see him any more. He was a ok about it. lol :smthumbup: I truly felt better out of the relationship then with it. He sucked in bed!

I rather be alone then with someone wrong for me. Long as I hung out with him I couldn't find what I needed. For me if your ex wife has a key to your house STILL...you probably shouldn't be dating.


----------



## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

So, he has to go from a seven day a week marriage to a 2 days every other week girlfriend. I think this illustrates the massive change we all have to embrace. Looks like frustration on his part and not exactly sure how he should communicate his frustration to you.

When I started seeing someone, I had to adjust to being a 3 day a week bf instead of a seven day a week husband and accept that her life is crazy and challenging to her having a fulltime bf. Let me say it was surprisingly difficult and brought our relationship to the brink more than once. I had to retrain myself to see and accept my new life as it would be, putting into perspective that a gf is not a spouse(I have been married for more than 23 years). A bf/gf with family commitments including children and/or grandchildren forced me to understand, accept and embrace the quality not quantity of time we could share. For example, I invited her so many times to my house for dinner but maybe only one in ten was accepted. Ten months ago it would have crushed me but today I see a "yes" as an enjoyable surprise.

Ending a marriage and understanding the dynamics of another person has to be a frustrating yet exciting and eye-opening experience for all of us because it is so very "un-normal" to us.

Does he make the hour trip if you ask him to or is it a one-way street? Most importantly, congratulations on getting on with your life after your D.

Just my thoughts on this whole crazy experience.

We need to all take a breath and just enjoy the excitement of human companionship while keeping it "classy" as another TAMer put it.

Have fun and enjoy your new life,I am sure you earned,
Stretch


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

working_together said:


> Last night I was talking on the phone and he says "are you coming up this weekend (no kids with him)"? I responded "why would you ask that, of course I'm coming up". Then he responds with "oh ok, it just seems like you're Fridays are pretty busy now". Whoa, really? *I then said to him that I only come up on Sat. when he has the kids so that he can spend some time with them. His response "I get it".*


Well you already explained to him that you would be up Saturday. I say give him a pass, especially if he hasn't shown signs of jealousy before. We all have our moments so let this one slide and don't turn it into a big deal if it's not. 

It could be as basic as him feeling jealous that you get more free time to yourself than he does.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Or maybe he's wanting you to be there when he has the kids so you could bond with them as well. So by bowing out on part of the normal weekend visit maybe he feels you don't want to be around his kids.

Sounds like a little conversation is in order for a better understanding of why your doing what you are and why he said what he did.


----------



## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

The guy might just have a low social quotient.

What was obvious to you might not have been so obvious to you.

And he may have just been being honest. You explained it to him and he got it.


----------

