# Husband's Depression/Anxiety, Unemployment Cycle...How long can I wait?



## alice'n'wonderland (Jun 6, 2011)

My husband has been unemployed for most of the last 3 years. Prior to that he had shown some difficulty holding the jobs he had because of intense anxiety that caused physical symptoms making him miss work. When we met he had a job that lasted for several years, but had just quit college, and it's been all downhill from there. He has extreme self-worth issues, and has been diagnosed with major clinical depression since high school. We finally were able to get him back into treatment because I landed a job that has good health insurance. He's been on anxiety medication and seeing a therapist once weekly for about 5 mo. now. I've also been seeing a therapist separately. I just don't know how much longer I can wait for him to get "better". I'm not seeing a lot of what I would think of as progress. 

He's extremely loving, and doesn't seem to be "depressed" most of the time (we go out with friends, and have enjoyable moments). He does help around the house, but doesn't seem to put as much effort into finding a job as I think he should be. I've stopped asking about it because it was making him sad and angry, and I seemed naggy. When we have discussions about the toll this is putting on our marriage, he truly WANTS to get better and figure out how to get/keep a job. I just don't know if I believe he CAN. I've lost so much respect for him, and I'm worried the longer I wait, the more resentment I'll have. We're (usually) able to pay the bills, or rather I'M usually able to pay the bills, but it is very stressful. I hate feeling like it's not fair to him to leave, because I feel like I've already given so much.

I don't know anymore if I'm blind to the fact that he's not getting better, and this will just be a cycle forever....or if I'm not giving him a fair shot to get better. Please help!


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## PealedBannana (Jun 9, 2011)

I lost my job 2 years ago. My life has gone down hill ever since. My new job pays 1/3 of my old one.... not to mention I hate it with a passion. Over the last 2 years I have stop giving my wife affection, gotten snappy, distanced myself from friends, ect... I became depressed.

She has brought it up many times that I haven't been good to her as I should have. It honestly took me 2 years to figure it out... but for whatever reason my eyes are opened and I'm working on getting out of this depression funk. I'm hoping I'm not to late and can save things... but at the very least I will get myself back.

From my expereince, my wife tried the same thing day in and day out to get me to see and I couldn't. Try different things. Talk to friends/family and ask for help! We kept our problems in private and people knew there were problems but didn't know why.

I hope some of this helps and I wish you the best of luck!


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