# Painful Sex, bad fit. Are we just incompatible?



## concerned wife (May 8, 2010)

Ive been married for a few years and am still finding sex physically painful. I really enjoy oral sex and being touched, but when it comes to sex I get this pinching feeling up high near my cervix especially when he thrusts deeply.

Talked to my gyno about this and she said it might be due to his size and recommended lubrication (which we were already using). He is abnormally large, and i am quite little and I know this suppose to be a good thing- but really its not. Its painful. Also because his penis is too long he cant put it all the way in, so Im not getting any stimulation during sex.

Can anyone recommend any good sexual positions? Im starting to feel we are just physically incompatible? Will this ever work?


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with this. A couple of things that may help is to make sure you are very excited before you start intercourse. The vaginal canal lengthens and expands quite a bit and the more aroused you are, the easier it will be for you.

As far as positions go, that is trial and error, but try quite a few. He doesn't have to penetrate all the way in order for you to feel stimulation. Try missionary, but you use one or two hands around the base of his penis to help "take up the slack". This will give him more pleasure and allow you to adjust to a comfortable penetration point. 

There are also masturbation toys for men that would fit around the base of his penis. Something like this - My First Masturbator Sleeve by HappyHer Exclusive

They are soft jelly and you could actually cut them to fit so he isn't able to fully penetrate you, but will have the sensation of that and the soft jelly would feel comfortable for you as well and you can adjust to a more pleasurable penetration level without worrying about it getting to be "too much". You'll also have more of the sensation of full penetration as the jelly piece will push against you.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

First, you have to talk to him. Some women think what a guy does and the way he does it is the way he has sex, and that's just the way it has to be. They lay there and endure it. But that is not the way it is supposed to be. You have to tell him to stop doing it that way because it is painful for you. After "a few years" you are still complaining of sex being painful. You say "especially when he thrusts deeply" but there shouldn't be any thrusting deeply if it is painful for you. Why do you let him and why have you not told him to stop doing that? You were supposed to stop him from doing that after the first few times, but it has now been a few years. Sex should be pleasurable for both of you, not painful.

Sex doesn't have to be wild and rapid with any thrusting going on. It can be slow and steady and just as enjoyable for you both, probably more so. For your sake, you will have to retrain your mind and your husband's mind about the act of love making. Discuss beforehand that you will have him do things differently next time and you will let him know how deeply to penetrate. This way, he knows in advance not go any further. In the missionary position, have him enter you slowly a very little at a time. Once he has penetrated to a point before it normally becomes painful for you, tell him "ooh baby right there" (so as not ruin the mood) so he knows not to go deeper than that. Have him apply a little pressure and hold right there for just a moment, then ease up a little, then come back to that point, apply pressure, and hold again. Then repeat. This really increases the build up of pleasure for you, and it's very erotic. After doing this 4 or 5 times, he can tease you with a series of very short, very rapid thrusts. These thrusts have no force behind and he is not to raise and lower himself. It's just vertical rocking inside you, fast and short. I guess you have to tell him in advance about this part also so he'll know to do it, or you can do it yourself at any point by rapidly rocking (vertically) your hips into his. This way, you take control of your pain and pleasure. This is also works in great in the doggy style position. Like I said, this is very enjoyable (and hurts so good) and you'll likely start cumming all over the place. 


Another great position is often recommended for men who are not nearly so endowed as your husband. I suggest it for you because it increases your pleasure (will also make you cum) and is pleasurable for him but won't cause you any pain. Again, you will have to talk to hubby in advance so he knows not too penetrate deeply. Only this time, he is to penetrate no deeper than about 3 inches. That is just about where he will meet your G-spot. While on your back, have him first penetrate you, then push your knees to your shoulders. You have probably made love in this position many times, but he was probably too deep inside and thrusting so you didn't know how enjoyable this position can be. With your knees up near your shoulders, he moves rapidly in and out. He is not to thrust hard at all, just move fast. He will drive you wild.

Hope you'll be talking to him soon.


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

Before your man has entered you deeply enough to cause discomfort how about rolling him over so you are on top and can control things to suit yourself? Or you could roll over just half-way so you are both on your sides, enabling you to pull back just a little if he thrusts too deeply. These positions (my personal favorites) should be just as pleasurable for him as being on top and have the added bonus that both his hands can wander very freely



concerned wife said:


> Ive been married for a few years and am still finding sex physically painful. I really enjoy oral sex and being touched, but when it comes to sex I get this pinching feeling up high near my cervix especially when he thrusts deeply.
> 
> Talked to my gyno about this and she said it might be due to his size and recommended lubrication (which we were already using). He is abnormally large, and i am quite little and I know this suppose to be a good thing- but really its not. Its painful. Also because his penis is too long he cant put it all the way in, so Im not getting any stimulation during sex.
> 
> Can anyone recommend any good sexual positions? Im starting to feel we are just physically incompatible? Will this ever work?


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

One apparently under utilized position is woman on top but laying down. I didnt realize this until I re-entered the playing field after my first marriage when I began having sex and the 2 men I had sex with (both experienced) had only had woman on top sitting up in a cowgirl style (I was like what style?)... the one man loved it and it provides the depth without the super depth that happens in both sitting up and being in missionary... I find missionary to go way to deep for me, and deep in the wrong way sometimes. Plus, when you are on top before you lay down, you can squeeze your legs against him to control how deep he goes... you may need to work up some leg strength, but then lay down and you slide him in and out in whichever direction... you can move your hips up and down, or slide vertically, literally against his body moving your hips up along his stomach/upper pelvic area and back down to his groin area if you can go that deep, and you get outside and inside stimulation in all the right ways. As you get more comfortable with how to move (either sliding up his body and back down or leaving his body to go up and down), you can push up with your arms so you arent flat up by your breasts but still flat down there, and he can play with your breasts and you can look into each others eyes.

I was shocked that neither man had ever tried this bc they seemed to know dozens of other positions! Its almost like the same movements from "dry humping" but your are moving with him inside of you... Best of luck!


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

I must add that I am considered very tight from each of my partners and so I understand the too big sensation all to well... plus one of my partners was like 8 inches. My husband is 6 and is sometimes too big... but I work with it

Another option is spooning with him entering from behind while lying side by side... you may have to move into a position that doesnt go too deep and keep your hand down there so he doesnt slip out, but my husband likes how he can reach around me so he doesnt mind that its not as deep.


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## concerned wife (May 8, 2010)

too late, with the position of lying on top, you mean lying facing eachother dont you? I will try that one. I have trouble with the spooning one as I seem to push him out. I actually through experimenting found an ok position: I lie on my back and he enters from the side underneath my legs. 

Unfortunately, my husband is almost 10 inches long!  I just cant see the positive in this situation- I was a virgin when I got married and so I havnt been with another man, but Im thinking that anything has to be better than this?!? Sometimes I wonder what normal sex would be like with a man with normal proportions.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Try the one on top and laying down facing him, yes. It leaves area around his base out if you want it out, or in if you lift up and move down. It is the best position ever IMO! Wow, 10 inches. A guy I had sex with in college was at least that and we did it in this position and it was the biggest orgasm of my life (up to that point).... wow!!! I hope you can make that position work for you as it stimulates outside and indside. I cant recommend any video, bc I havent seen it in any video, it was discovered on my own with an old boyfriend who pulled me down into that position because he wanted to kiss me during.... love him for that! Its made my sexual life so worthwhile Most porn has woman sitting up... well those ladies are probably a bit more stretched out, just saying.

Best of luck!


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Yes, I know what you mean about spooning and him being pushed out which is why I have to have my hand down there to guide and keep it in... sometimes though I feel like he is hitting my bladder!


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