# whats wrong with me?why cant i be strong? im a fool?



## alienatedandalonewith3 (Aug 9, 2011)

*Please anyone,whats wrong with me?why cant i be strong? im a fool?*

ok ive been going threw tis crap for over 10 years,he left for deployment and i still seen him every month,but we were fine first 24 hours then we argue,
well now he been home since jan,since may we have been fighting non stop after he stood at our table and degraded me in front of our children,calling me lazy,fat,unmotivated,racist,and a non supportive wife?
ive supported him threw every deployment,every school,police academy,officer training,everything,ive been a stay at home mom 13 years,by his choice,we have a special needs child(5)which i got all her services and testing arranged while he was gone,he is in denial of her needs, refuses her meds,
he is completly on my case about everything,i scratch my stomach he ask whats wrong why im doing that,i lock the bathroom he freaks out what am i doing?
i go to a friends he says i need to be home and constantly text where i cant enjoy myself,
because im gone i dont appreciate the family ugh,
then says i need to go to bed when he does omg im 32 not 8
after his attack i spoke to a lawyer and waited it out,
he went 3 weeks and didnt speak to me except when not approving something or when he wanted sex
i refused sex for over3 weeks,one night i was in pain and not feeling well,i had taken pain pill and went to bed
he came and tried to get him some i refused,and he went off accused me of affair,then replied well if 'your not giving it to me im getting it from someone who does like me' and left intill the next evening???wtf

well i finally gathered my money sold some stuff and filed for divorce
i asked for seperation he agreed,well long and behold he decides to make a councling appt grantite he refused for 5 months
because one councler told him he was ocd,and depressed he refused that he had any problems only me

well the day he suppose to leave he dislocates shoulder,(old injury happens every year)
well long and behold he not leaving and suddenly needs me ugh
why did i get suckered in again
im still planning on divorce ill go to councling because it indivdual,i need advice
well nothing changed i was hoping to have him served while we were seperated
were still fighting and he still hounding me about every move and breath
i cant even go to the bathroom and shut the door he barges in and wants to know what im doing,
im avoiding showers when hes home because he will have excuse to bother me for sex

well tuesday we spend *7 hours*
fighting he wants me too admit im lazy and fat,im unmotivated 
he wants me to say im wrong for not having sex that im failing my wifely duties
i will not give in to him these things are not true,

i finally get the nerve an tell him*i want a divorce!said it twice I WANT A DIVORCE*.he laughs im selfish im destroying the family,he not paying for the house,whats my plans?he not leaving his kids?he will think about giving me a seperation if i give our marriage a chance and continue councling?

we have already been too same councler 9 years ago after a domestic dispute,it was a requirement for him to keep his job
the councler is not fond of him too much and was surprised we were still together
and adviced me too just tell him what i wanted

2 hours later what do i need todo to make you change my mind?he ask,i named 2 things messed up about him with our kids(my mistake)suddenly he acts as if nothing happen i never said those words?wtf what is wrong with him?

next morning there flowers on table for my wife wth,i cant help but laugh im so annoyed at this point,
he acting as if i never said anything now he smothering me,do i want milkshake do i want to go for a walk,baby this baby that
omg what do i have todo to get him to understand?

i feel guilty now at the same time that what if he is trying,or if its just to win me back intill he can go back to normal?

please any advice please please help me

we go back to marriage councling wendsday,he wants to hear me say it in front of him,
should i just tell him there i filed and have him served?
im deathly scared too tell him he has not got physical in 9 years,but im afraid his temper is so bad im afraid he will lose it

i feel the only reason he wants this marriage too work is because he doesnt want to be away from kids,and big reason he doesnt want his money divided up,

he has told me he is only with me for the kids,he stuck he has no choice

so why do i secound geuss my self?

i feel like a fool,but i also want to beleave him,but i feel i would be so much happier if i didnt have too put up with this everyday
i would love to have that feeling of freedom just to relax in my home with my kids and not have someone screaming at me,

please any intake?

j


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## alienatedandalonewith3 (Aug 9, 2011)

please someone feedback please


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Most likely you are suffering from very low self-esteem. Tolerating his behavior for so many years has left you weak. You really need to be working with an individual counselor. If you feel that your husband is a "ticking time bomb", by all means leave.

Wish you and your children the best.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Your husband is emotionally and physically abusive and he isn't going to change, nor do I see it getting any better.
The problem is he has worn you down so much that you think nothing of yourself, and you may think you even deserve this kind of treatment.

News flash: you don't.

Unfortunately I hear about this kind of behavior a lot with people who work in military or other type of enforcement. (Note: I know that it doesn't apply to EVERYONE who is that type of profession so please don't jump on me and think I am generalizing everyone because I'm not) 
You need to get away from him. You need to tell your counselor that you fear for your safety and get the authorities involved. 

He is going to attempt to woo you back and once he knows he has you hooked the same cycle will repeat itself. 

Do it for your kids if not for yourself. You don't want them growing up thinking that this type of behavior is acceptable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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