# Ladies Prespective: What little romantic/affectionate things do you like the most?



## ptomczyk11 (Feb 9, 2015)

Hi,

As a man, I have a hard time doing affectionate things or coming up with romantic ideas that will make my wife's love tank explode.

I'm looking to get a list of ideas and things that you ladies like the most that your husbands either do or wished they did that make you feel the most loved/romanced.

Thank you!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

ptomczyk11 said:


> Hi,
> 
> *As a man*, I have a hard time doing affectionate things or coming up with romantic ideas that will make my wife's love tank explode.
> 
> ...


Yay! More gender stereotyping 

To start with...from being married to your wife, and paying attention to her, and asking her, and listening to her...what things do you already know of that make her love tank explode?


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## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

umm...don't ask women for advice on women. Attraction is not a choice and they are not consciously aware of what actually makes a man attractive to them.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

*Ladies Prespective: What little romantic/affectionate things do you like the...*



Morcoll said:


> umm...don't ask women for advice on women. Attraction is not a choice and they are not consciously aware of what actually makes a man attractive to them.


This post made me consciously aware of what makes a man unattractive to me.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

*Ladies Prespective: What little romantic/affectionate things do you like the...*



ptomczyk11 said:


> Hi,
> 
> As a man, I have a hard time doing affectionate things or coming up with romantic ideas that will make my wife's love tank explode.
> 
> ...


I like music so a song that has some kind of meaning either in lyrics or memories is something I like. 

Also when married I liked to slow dance. Put the kids to bed, dim the lights, turn on some soft music and dance.


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

Walk up behind her and wrap your arms around her, then give her a kiss on her neck or cheek and walk away. 

Gets me every time.


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

Morcoll said:


> umm...don't ask women for advice on women. Attraction is not a choice and they are not consciously aware of what actually makes a man attractive to them.


Ugh. UGH.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Morcoll said:


> umm...don't ask women for advice on women. Attraction is not a choice and they are not consciously aware of what actually makes a man attractive to them.


Wow...I'd be willing to bet that you've got'em lining up to take a number, yeah? LOL!


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

ptomczyk11 said:


> Hi,
> 
> As a man, I have a hard time doing affectionate things or coming up with romantic ideas that will make my wife's love tank explode.
> 
> ...


Can you cook? Have you ever surprised her with a gourmet meal prepared by yourself? Candles, wine, the works?

When a man takes the time to prepare a menu, do the shopping, prep the meal, plate it and serve her, do you know what that tells a partner? It says...

"I wanted to do something special for you because you are special to me. In that vein, I have put in some thought about this meal that is just for you and took the time to prepare it for you and share it with you...because you mean that much to me."

When I go grocery shopping, for no reason, I will buy her some dark chocolate, or some blueberries....things she likes....for nothing more than "I went shopping and thought of you, so I got you this"

And don't forget the "little things" either. Every morning I have my wife's coffee ready for her when she arises...just the way she likes it.

That sends a message too. It says "You are important to me. I think of you always my love."


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Kiss or hug (non sexual) when coming home
Kiss/hug (non sexual) when leaving for work
holding hands when going out
walks together in the evening
making her feel important, your no one priority, not at the bottom of list of work, friends, sports, your parents, etc.
inviting her for coffee
bringing her to your work events and showing her off (this is MY woman)
inviting her to meet you at the office for lunch
listening without giving solutions, just being there, being present (not on mobile, on pc, reading, watching TV, etc)
making contact (eye, physical touch) when at events such as weddings, family gatherings (not going off to be with the guys and ignoring her existence)
calls or loving text during the day to touch base
now and again, little notes or cards (I know this is tough for guys)
flowers (they dont have to be expensive, it really is the thought)
telling her she is a wonderful mum, woman, wife, etc
loving words of affirmation


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

As a Time & Toucher, what makes my love tank runneth over .. is his wanting to be near me, when he comes home from work, the 1st thing he does is look for me to give me a kiss, wrap his arms around me.. . watching movies together, his fingers through my hair, up & down my arms, sharing his day with me.. 

I have never been a woman who cared much about gifts.. I told him when we were dating.. don't buy me flowers... I'd be just as happy if he picked them in the back yard.. in fact MORE HAPPY if we took a walk together.. and he picked one on the path.. and handed it to me.. yeah.. those little things.. 










Romance to me.. is summed up in this writing... 



> Being Romantic means being sensitive, affectionate, and spritually-inclined.
> 
> The paramount quality of a romantic person is sensitivity. The romantic is a person who FEELS deeply, and attaches a lot of meaning to those feelings. Because of this, the romantic will express him/herself through such things as affection, verbal declarations of love, and meaningful gestures, all of which come from deep within.
> 
> ...


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I have never been a woman who cared much about gifts.. I told him when we were dating.. *don't buy me flowers*... I'd be just as happy if he picked them in the back yard.. in fact MORE HAPPY if we took a walk together.. and he picked one on the path.. and handed it to me.. yeah.. those little things..


My wife is similar SA...She doesn't like flowers (they die too fast she tells me..buy me a potted plant if you must). In fact, I learned early on that she doesn't do Valentine's Day either. So I buy her cards, but just not on "special days"..I buy them because I'm thinking of her at the moment and that really has a bigger impact on her than me getting her a card on a certain day..ya know?


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

MountainRunner said:


> Every morning I have my wife's coffee ready for her when she arises...just the way she likes it.


This is one gesture I would REALLY appreciate! Props to you, MountainRunner. I love the little things that show consideration - they mean more than any gift or expensive dinner ever could. Like SA, I am not one for gifts. Maybe if he randomly found a field of wildflowers and picked me one. I'd love that gift. Ha.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> My husband brought home a wonderfully tiny taste of a very rich chocolate dessert to share with me and our kid.
> 
> He ate one bite, I was happily digging in and he said "I just want to feed you chocolate honey," and tried to leave me the rest of it without taking any other bites.
> 
> ...


Isn't it funny how simple, small gestures of affection can mean so much to the recipient, yes? Too bad how many of us seem to forget that over time. *sigh*


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Man here, a couple things I have done lately. One night I made her lunch for work and just slipped a little note in saying "I love you, have a great day" . Three days ago, I took the spare key for her truck, bought a single red rose and left it on her seat with a little note( you should have seen her smile when she got home). She loves the little thoughtful things, not expensive gestures. 
When the weather is really nice, I'll text her just before lunch telling her I'll pick her up. I'll pack a small picnic  basket and take her to a nearby park for lunch.
I have found my wife really appreciates the small things that shows I'm thinking of her.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MountainRunner said:


> *My wife is similar SA...She doesn't like flowers (they die too fast she tells me..buy me a potted plant if you must).* In fact, I learned early on that she doesn't do Valentine's Day either. So I buy her cards, but just not on "special days"..I buy them because I'm thinking of her at the moment and that really has a bigger impact on her than me getting her a card on a certain day..ya know?


You want to hear a funny one.. I told him this too- but went a little further after mentioning the roots... (Why would I want him to waste his $$ on something that is going to wither & die).. 

Then I added.. "Better yet.. buy me a TREE!"... at that point , he told me I can go buy my own tree ! ha ha... once I went out & bought 5 red buds and planted them all before he got home from work... 

They are beautiful..









I am like a guy on Valentines.. Just give me SEX !







....Screw the card.. don't need it...Just let us get our romp in... and I'm good.. 

I'd love to have him write me a love letter.. now that is pulling teeth!!.. he did some of that while dating.. good thing I kept them all.. just not his thing... I can pen a book ... he struggles with a sentence !

He's sent me a few surprise emails ...a little MUSH ... with a song link on you tube to play.. it's very touching...Music just has a way to capture what one is feeling.. like nothing else can.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am like a guy on Valentines.. Just give me SEX !


Love your post SA...but...heh....this works too! Just sayin. *grin*


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

FrenchFry, you are truly blessed


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

MountainRunner said:


> My wife is similar SA...She doesn't like flowers (they die too fast she tells me..buy me a potted plant if you must). In fact, I learned early on that she doesn't do Valentine's Day either. So I buy her cards, but just not on "special days"..I buy them because I'm thinking of her at the moment and that really has a bigger impact on her than me getting her a card on a certain day..ya know?



I am the same and it was very Hard for my H to get used to the idea but then he started to by me BOOKS( paper print, I have a kindle as well but I much prefer to have the book in my hand ) and I love them. 

Also he makes the coffee in the morning ( for me it's so sweet ) :grin2:

Text messages that makes me feel important to him, calling me from work to see how I am, doing groceries spontaneous and buying me the sweets that I like..:grin2:

He worked around what I liked and "exploit " it as much as he can and I'm fine with it:grin2:


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

Mr. LonelyinLove gets up at 4am (I leave for work at 4:45am) to make a travel mug of coffee for me because I have such a long commute.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I never thought I was all that into romance and affection till Mr H entered my life, he has shown me a whole other side to life that I now simply adore. The more affection we share the more I want it and the more I want him.

He buys me beautiful flowers, just because
Will run me a bath if I am tired/stressed
Every morning he gives me a huge kiss and a "good morning beautiful"
Txts me through the day just to say hello or to tell me he would love a cuddle
Calls or txts me on the way home to see what he should pick up at the shops
He often comes up to me from behind and kisses my neck
He holds my face in his hands, stares into my eyes and tells me how much he loves me
He will sit me down to tell me to talk it out if we are having an issue, he fights for us
Our usual ritual is to cook dinner together, chat and have a wine, it is great catch up time
We always cuddle on the couch while watching TV
We hold hands and have no fear of PDA's
We kiss regularly, many times a day.
His eyes light up when he sees me, makes me feel fantastic.
And much more

This is not a one way thing though, I will run him a bath, show him lots of affection and love, do things for him etc.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
From what I've seen, women vary a lot in what they view as romantic, so I don't think general advice is all that helpful, you need to find out what your wife likes.

If you make an effort to do things that she will enjoy, you are already most of the way there.


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## ptomczyk11 (Feb 9, 2015)

Thanks for all great ideas and tips!  I know women are different, but by just reading over the replies listed here I think a majority of the women would like the same things, including my wife!

I have another thread in the "Sex in Marriage" forum, just a quick overview, my wife and I have just been in a rut lately mainly because of the LD/HD type of relationship we have where I'm not meeting her primary affectionate needs and she's not meeting my primary sexual needs.

I want things to get better between us, this is why I reached out here to gather ideas and I plan to just overly-shower her with affection from this point on without sex being in the equation to see if this will kick start our sex/affection cycle where both of us are meeting each others "primary" needs again.

For the wives where their husbands do all these great things for you; how would you rate your sex life? On average, how often do you have sex with your husband? Do you feel more inclined to initiate sex with your husband because he does all these sweet/romantical things? 

Thank you, again!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

*Re: Ladies Prespective: What little romantic/affectionate things do you like the...*



coffee4me said:


> This post made me consciously aware of what makes a man unattractive to me.


Do you think he also believes women shouldn't get male advice when dealing with their husbands? I wonder if he's consistent this way or if us silly little women just don't know what we're talking about. 

This truly is a case of better to keep your mouth closed and let people wonder.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ptomczyk11 said:


> Thanks for all great ideas and tips!  I know women are different, but by just reading over the replies listed here I think a majority of the women would like the same things, including my wife!
> 
> I have another thread in the "Sex in Marriage" forum, just a quick overview, my wife and I have just been in a rut lately mainly because of the LD/HD type of relationship we have where I'm not meeting her primary affectionate needs and she's not meeting my primary sexual needs.
> 
> ...


My hb is pretty good about this stuff and we have a great sex life. I know when he does slack off and touches me non sexually a little less I tend to feel less sexual toward him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

ptomczyk11 said:


> Thanks for all great ideas and tips!  I know women are different, but by just reading over the replies listed here I think a majority of the women would like the same things, including my wife!
> 
> I have another thread in the "Sex in Marriage" forum, just a quick overview, my wife and I have just been in a rut lately mainly because of the LD/HD type of relationship we have where I'm not meeting her primary affectionate needs and she's not meeting my primary sexual needs.
> 
> ...


This is an important question because you were asking the general population of women about the affections their husbands show. Once you get into the subsets of different drive type of women then the answers will be less and less applicable to your personal situation.

I am a very HD woman, very comfortable about sex, enjoy it and desire it often.
Our sex life would be a 10/10 in terms of quantity, daily plus more. ATM a bit less as he has a broken rib but the affection level has not slowed down which tells me his affection and love is not just there to get sex, he has a genuine desire to give and receive affection.
Quality wise we are pretty close to 10/10 but no amount of added affection will change things, what we do is communicate our desires and find out what the other wants which leads to working towards a style of sex we both love.

TBH for me personally I would be put off by a man that showed affection just to get sex, being a very sexual woman I would rather just sit down and talk about our sex life and what improvements could be made. I would rather have a very straight up talk, get it sorted and just do it. 

The romance and affection in our lives are just part of the overall picture of a healthy relationship for us, we do lots of things together such as cycling, seeing live music, gardening, house projects etc.
Me, personally I need to feel balanced, friendship, love, sex, time together and apart, talking, laughing, affection etc.
If any of these were being given just to get sex well I don't think I would feel so happy with life.

At this point you should do as some of the PPs have said, make this about knowing your wife better and how your relationship ticks, our answers will only complicate your thinking as our lives do not apply.


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## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

Originally Posted by Morcoll View Post 

umm...don't ask women for advice on women. Attraction is not a choice and they are not consciously aware of what actually makes a man attractive to them.





delirium said:


> Ugh. UGH.



you know what is UGH? 

The divorce rate is over 60% and about 85% of the divorces are initiated by women. Why? Because....ugh. Most often, they became un-attracted, not by choice, to their SO. Either found a replacement or just left, or even better the sex dried up to nothing so they were both miserable Sorry, but a woman, when this un-attraction happens, typically cannot say why, but what she says and thinks she wants and what she actually wants are not the same.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Morcoll said:


> Originally Posted by Morcoll View Post
> 
> umm...don't ask women for advice on women. Attraction is not a choice and they are not consciously aware of what actually makes a man attractive to them.
> 
> ...


This is off-topic. The original post asked for examples of romantic/affectionate behavior women like, not what causes arousal or attraction.


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## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

delirium said:


> Ugh. UGH.





FrenchFry said:


> Thanks for thinking so little of us Morcoll.


It is truly not a matter of 'thinking so little' of women. Men, in fact, do not realize what they do to turn women off as well, even as they are doing it and both she and he are FEELING it. 

The reason I bring this up is because 

a) if I had been aware of relationship and attraction dynamics when I was married I would have seen that gradually, over the course of a 7 1/2 year marriage, how I, as the man in the relationship, ruined the physical chemistry between my ex and I, even as I tried to fix it; and...this is the single one thing that could have fixed nearly all problems in our marriage...and

b) if I had been aware BEFORE I was married it would have saved me a lot of heartbreak, not understanding why girls I really liked, REALLY liked me as friends. I did not get why they loved hanging out and having fun with me but nothing else. 

And yes this is related bc this is part of the reason for wanting to know what romantic or affectionate gesture is actually effective.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Morcoll said:


> Originally Posted by Morcoll View Post
> 
> umm...don't ask women for advice on women. Attraction is not a choice and they are not consciously aware of what actually makes a man attractive to them.
> 
> ...




You're right. All those efforts she makes to tell you what's bothering her should be ignored as it's just pointless nagging. Where do you think the phrase walk away wife comes from? 

Sorry but op's wife has told him what she needs and fortunately he's making some effort to listen. But if you want to ignore your wife's concerns that's up to you, just don't complain that you had no idea if she walks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> Oh, here is a big one I probably like the most:
> 
> He loves to sit and talk with me. About everything and about nothing. He will make room out of his day to sit and talk with me, talk at me, listen to me and laugh with me. While holding hands and eating chocolate...:grin2:


This must be lovely !


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## ptomczyk11 (Feb 9, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> You're right. All those efforts she makes to tell you what's bothering her should be ignored as it's just pointless nagging. Where do you think the phrase walk away wife comes from?
> 
> Sorry but op's wife has told him what she needs and fortunately he's making some effort to listen. But if you want to ignore your wife's concerns that's up to you, just don't complain that you had no idea if she walks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, I'm trying to better understand my wife's affectionate needs but sometimes it's hard to figure out what exactly she is looking for.

When we've had discussions about this in the past and she would say to me, I'm giving you the answers to the test; here they are...but the answers are very generic. And when she says this I'm embarrassed to ask her what "exactly" she means because # 1 I should know this and # 2 when I've asked her this in the past she really wouldn't give me anything to work with.

When she says these generic things, in my head I feel like I'm doing them but maybe it's just not as often as she would like...

I know I would do so much better in meeting her needs if when she says "I want you to desire me" and she would give me specific ways that she pictures in her mind of being desired. Or when she says "I want you to put me as your # 1 priority", again something else that I feel like I do but maybe she doesn't see it that way; so if she would tell me what ways she pictures in her mind as me putting her first I would have something to work off of. Or when she says "I want you to appreciate me", again something else that in my head I feel like I do but if I'm not doing this I would work better at meeting this need of hers if she would tell me in what ways could I meet this need that would make you happy.

For me, it's just hard to translate when she says these things into actionable items. And the funny part is I'm sure she is the same way when I say I want you to be more sexual and passionate; I can list 20 things right now off the top of my head of what would make me happy in this department but maybe she has a hard time translating my sexual needs into actionable items too.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

ptomczyk11 said:


> Hi,
> 
> As a man, I have a hard time doing affectionate things or coming up with romantic ideas that will make my wife's love tank explode.
> 
> ...


Do you know her *Love language*??

These general ideas probably won't help you unless you know what she likes. My husband for the longest time always tried to show his love for me through "Acts of Service" which was his love language, not mine. My love language is "Physical Touch", so all of those things he did for me did little to fill my love tank. I wanted to be touched, held, etc. They were nice, don't get me wrong, but it just wasn't what I wanted or needed. 

If you have not taken the love language quiz together, I would highly suggest it. It has made a big difference in our marriage now that my husband knows more of what I want, instead of just guessing and doing more generic ideas.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> It's pretty fantastic. We have a ritual and everything.:grin2:


I like that! Every day when my mom and Dad got home from work for 30 minutes they sat alone and had coffee together and talked with each other never at each other. I think part of the reason they have had a successful 40 year marriage is because they had this little ritual as well.:wink2:

Would love to have that.... Happy for you


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I get cappuccinos some mornings (if he is not in a rush) because I'd need an engineering degree to use the coffee machine he bought a few months ago    AND my life would not be worth living if I broke it (which is possible, knowing me!)


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I bought my wife a brand new Mercedes for Christmas last year. It was like, "thanks honey, sorry, I gotta go."
On the other hand, just the other day I told her "I can't imagine living without you. You are my best friend."
I think she wanted to cry!

Sometimes you get WAY more mileage out of just one sentence.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

ptomczyk11 said:


> Yes, I'm trying to better understand my wife's affectionate needs but sometimes it's hard to figure out what exactly she is looking for.
> 
> When we've had discussions about this in the past and she would say to me, I'm giving you the answers to the test; here they are...but the answers are very generic. And when she says this I'm embarrassed to ask her what "exactly" she means because # 1 I should know this and # 2 when I've asked her this in the past she really wouldn't give me anything to work with.
> 
> ...


Don't be embarrassed to ask her. You mentioned in the past that she wouldn't give you anything to work with, and maybe it's because she doesn't know the exact answers herself, and talking it out with you might help her to identify the answers, too. 

Rather than asking her to come up with theoretical examples/specifics out of thin air, maybe you can draw from specific examples in your shared history. When she says, "I want you to desire me," rather than asking what she pictures that looking like, ask her to think about earlier in your relationship, when she DID felt like you desired her, what was it that you did that made her feel that way? What does she remember that she misses? It won't give you a complete answer, but it will get the ball rolling, to jog her brain a little bit to get the conversation moving and to get her brain working. When she says "I want you to make me your #1 priority," don't ask for hypothetical scenarios; ask her for an example of when/how she felt de-prioritized, and in that situation, how specifically you could have shown her that she was a priority.

By asking her for examples in this way, you won't be asking her for specific actionable items, but you'll be able to come up with your own actionable items, and/or recognize similar situations when they come up in the future. But you'll be opening yourself up to a lot of criticism by taking this route, so don't get defensive; if you get defensive, it means you're not listening to her, and you'll never get the specific answers and information that you want if she thinks you aren't listening.

This whole process means that you'll both need to be vulnerable with/to each other, and it won't all be accomplished in just one sitting. But if you start the conversation, and she sees a consistent change in you (over time) that shows you were really listening, she'll be more inclined to be more open, as she feels heard and understood.


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## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

FrenchFry said:


> You speak of women as a monolith. We aren't, and some of us are more than happy to tell you the nitty and gritty of why we are attracted to our men.
> 
> By diminishing our words by saying we don't know what we want--especially on a forum that is designed to Talk about this kind of stuff--you'll be right because we won't be around to talk about it.
> 
> ...


Read the OPs posts throughout this thread. She says she wants this or that, he tries to give her this or that. That isn't what she wants. She then says no I want the other. 

He cant figure out what she wants because he is asking HER what she wants and SHE cant say. 

So. yeah. There are reasons, for sure, they are not clear to the conscious mind, man or woman. 

I recommend doing some research on relationship dynamics and creating attraction. People typically cannot logically say what causes them to be attracted to someone, male or female. Can she know what annoys her? sure. Being a doormat never got anyone too far it turns out.


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## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

ptomczyk11 said:


> Yes, I'm trying to better understand my wife's affectionate needs but sometimes it's hard to figure out what exactly she is looking for.
> 
> When we've had discussions about this in the past and she would say to me, I'm giving you the answers to the test; here they are...but the answers are very generic. And when she says this I'm embarrassed to ask her what "exactly" she means because # 1 I should know this and # 2 when I've asked her this in the past she really wouldn't give me anything to work with.
> 
> ...


Hmmm...interesting. So many people on here think that you talking to her about this is going to clear this stuff up. Sounds like you are only getting more confused. 

I recommend googling Corey Wayne and watching some of his youtube videos. No More Mr Nice Guy is a quick read about attracting your wife again. I recommend doing something every day to make YOURSELF better, be it a hobby/passion, workout, something on your own. She will appreciate seeing you have your own mission to better yourself and take notice, if you are genuine about it.


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