# Confused: Cheating wife's treatment



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Ok, so my journal is up in the Divorce section in case someone wants/ needs to read it. 

I have been doing ok. Well, for the most part. I'm ok with the separation and heck, even Divorce. My focus is now on myself, bettering myself for the remainder of my life and focusing on my kid. 

However, I've had a slow day today, been thinkng about things. My wife acted very happy before the events. It was a blow up at the beginning of Sept. We were building a haunt and she got really close to some 19 yo's. When we had a fight about her spending all her extra time with the guys (not giving any 'us' time) She kicked me out. I lived in the theater room. Then wanted me gone from the home/ haunt. Then cheated. Then been a fight ever since. False R about 3 -4 weeks ago. Failed in a week. She changed her mind and went to "ILYBNILWU" speech etc. 

OM is out of the picture. Haunt is over. and yet, the thing that really gets me, is she's acting like I'M THE ONE WHO CHEATED!? Makes no sense to me. 

However, she's gotten fired from her job and now has 2 part timers and has a TON of new, more younger friends again from working at the movie theater etc. I don't suspect another OM but... only no proof or weird actions on her end. We've moved out. I'm with a friend, she with a brother.

Has anyone experienced / seen this kind of behavior? Yes, I flirted with a girl as well. But I realized waht I was doing and quit. Asked ehr to stop her flirting and it just got worse the more volunteers showed up. 

But, it's all over with now and she's treating me like I'm the cheating spouse. It baffles me. She was also on anti depressants at the time. For 5 months. 

Can anyone give some insight on this? This isn't a crying post, I'm just wanting some input on her behavior. Again, prior to the volunteers showing up, she was telling me how much she loved me and how happy she was. Many times in fact. Holding hands, always went out and did things. Very loving. But now? It's like I"M THE BAD GUY. Seems like the more I think about it, the more she's treating me like I cheated. Which I never have. 

Sorry for being long. I'm very bored and a lot on my mind. Trying to not think about Christmas so early so I'm on here.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Oh, lol. She may be Bi Polar. 

I love her. I really do and I want her healthy and happy. I don't want bad things to happen to her. 

She's 27 and was /is having a problem with either stress or depression. Her father passed about... 2years ago. thot about that but... I don't know. 

I think she's clouded with the feeling of being able to go and do waht she wants like a teenager. MLC? Maybe. Just didn't think she'd be like this. 

Or is this possibly just a severe sort of "Blame Shifting?" Maybe that's what it is. 

Anyways, I'm gonna play some Battlefield 3, shoot some face... right after I spray these annoying G/D GNATS!!! JEEBUS!! 

Yall take care.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Because you never manned up. You let her have her way at every turn, so don't be surprised shes gonna project her negative emotions onto her. 

People say putting your foot down is hard, it really isn't.

Tell her shes a cheating b!tch and the whole thing was caused by her, simple.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

Here's a tip:

Don't try to understand her. Be an objective observer but do not interpret her.

You are welcome.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I did. The day I did it, man I called her names, was hateful about it. Her response? "See, that's why we're here... that doesn't even bother me.." 

I told her we failed and lost over $30k dollars because of her b/s. Said it's all her fault. etc. She didn't deny it. Just said it didn't hurt her to hear it. 

So yeah. She's fouled up, and it hurts because I know she's sick. She's never turned like this. 

I know we're all here for answers, and some just won't ever come. But you don't know unless you search. IMO. I'm thinking, with my luck, haha, it's probably a combination. Her A/D meds, (no longer on them for about 3 weeks now, she's calming down a LOT) a midlife crisis, her affair really bothering her and the "fog"? 

Nothing I can do, I know this. Except take care of my baby girl and myself.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Isn't it much easier to blame others for the mistake one makes?

I mean why not get it in your head that you are the victim and how horrible your husband is....I bet one could sleep alot better if they have this abilty to project there own stupidity on someone else?

It sucks you have to be on the recieving end of your wifes dilusions, but how else do you expect your WW to sleep at night and live with her self if she had to face the reality of what she is and what she has done. 

Looking at you as the bad guy is just so much easier for your WW to keep on being the same person....filled with emptiness sadness...always looking for others to make her happy, when deep down she has to find it in her self first(happiness). And that my friend will never happen until she faces her self instead of looking at you for her unhappiness, just like she looks at other for her happiness.

So in short you are the cheater, you cheater her out of happiness, in her mind you were suppose to make her happy. And we all know, no one can make you happy....that comes with in your self.

Sorry man, she is broken in side.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

It’s not uncommon at all to treat you like that. Because in her head, it isn’t her fault: It’s yours. That is the lie she must tell herself over and over to avoid feeling like a “bad guy”. Thus you need to be the “worse guy” so what she’s doing isn’t really bad in comparison. She will insist on and magnify every little thing she can think of, or just suspect, that supports her notion. Basically think of her as a drowning person grasping for anything to avoid facing the inevitable... She is a bad person and does actually know it; She just doesn’t want to accept the reality of it.

One day, most finally slip into that pit (some need that little push too). With luck, you’ll be free of her grasp when she falls. That way, she’s gonna have to learn to deal with it all by herself; She may come out a bit wiser, or she may come out a basket case. Either way... Detach. 

You know you. Judge yourself and stop caring what she thinks of you. It’s hard, but you’ll learn. Be strong.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She is angry with you. Why? 
*You remind her that she cheated.
You remind her what she once had.
But that she threw away.*


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Geez, me a racer write a novel and MattMatt puts it together with 3 short sentences...nice.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

the guy said:


> Geez, me a racer write a novel and MattMatt puts it together with 3 short sentences...nice.


Yeah, but I'd like to write a novel, but 25 years of having to write short, tight news stores means I am incapable of writing anything of a novel length! (And that's true...)

But thanks, your comment made me smile!:smthumbup:


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

the guy said:


> Geez, me a racer write a novel and MattMatt puts it together with 3 short sentences...nice.


Ha... Yes. I do freaking novels.  Never learned how to be brief.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

lol Matt, yeah I did do that. 

I also tried to rugsweep with her. I also tried begging to her work on it and allowed her to think everything was ok. 

Now? She knows it's not ok. She knows that I'm not ok with it. 

I don't know if it's a bit of hopeful thinking, but I think I saw her change in attitude when I told her how I felt and was going to move forward. She got very quiet. She either felt it, or is hiding it and trying to hide the fact that she doesn't think she can commit. 

I don't know. ALl I know is I'm getting better. Maybe one day I'll have my answer. If I can move forward and be happy, and make my daughter have a great life, it won't matter.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> lol Matt, yeah I did do that.
> 
> I also tried to rugsweep with her. I also tried begging to her work on it and allowed her to think everything was ok.
> 
> ...


And we'll be here for you.:smthumbup:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Maybe it time to change your avitar to a picture of a smiling little girl looking at her happy dad!

Stay strong brother. Its not what knocks us down that counts, its how we get back up that matters.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Thanks matt 

Actually the_guy, I like that. 

You know what i like best? It's in Rocky Balboa. 

"It's not a matter of how hard you can hit, it's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward"


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Play the manhole cover and you'll keep getting run over.

Seriously, your threads are the most painful I've ever read....and there is really no excuse for you to be subjecting yourself to this sh*t. 

Nuff said...I aint sayin' no mo.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

It's not painful, as much as you may think it is. 
The thread anyways. 

I'm just talking because I have no one to talk to. If you don't wanna talk about it, great.  

Sometimes you just got sh.t on your chest you wanna talk about. Get it off. Sometimes, people such as myself have to talk about it. Then suddenly, the more we talk about it, the less we talk about it. It fades easier with me. It's how I deal. 

I don't have as many close friends as I use to. So I come here when I don't want to burden them. 

I was curious about it, so I made a thread. It's a discussion thread, not a whiney thread.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Um. Okay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

If it's over and there is no chance of R, don't know and don't care anymore. Not my problem to deal with.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Cheating wives can always "rationalize away" their blame for cheating. If they look hard enough, they can find a counselor who will agree with them.
Forgetting about her should be your primary effort.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

my ex stole money from me, I was his Mrs, and his 2 children. After watching me scrimp and save every penny for1 year and spend every penny I had comimg in on paying off our (his) debts. I got them from £3000 down to £300. He worked them back up to £900 in 10 days behind my back. Last straw. I kicked him out.

Guess who got the blame?

Even my children, 6 & 9, were told it was my fault we split.

Guess what? I have had 5 years of vitriol and abuse.

Hmmmmm 

Not meaning to hijack, just painting same picture for you with different colours.


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