# Am I crazy



## mwdbuckeye (Jan 17, 2010)

I have been married alomst 25 years. She is leaving me or is at least trying to get mentally healthy. She has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and Depression and Paranoia.

We met in April 1985, married july 1985 Me - 21 Her - 20. She got pregnant the same month we got married. She miscarried the next month. Two month later she went out of town and had an affair - one night stand. She came home and confessed the next day. If this wasnt bad enough my parents were divorced in 1968 due to my mom's infidelity and my dad got custody so you know it was bad back then. My new step-mom was a step monster. I told her before we were married that infidelty would be the worst thing that she could ever do to me.

We were in the Army then stationed in Nurnberg, Germany. I had just re-enlisted and extended so we could stay together. 

I was devasted. I couldnt even believe it, I was crushed. I thought that I had set decent boundries and it was immediately crossed. After some serious soul searching I stayed.

We then moved to Washington, DC, she started a new job. She became good friends with another guy, which by now is an extremely difficult situation for me. I tried to deal but was too tough. This guys wife came to my house and told me that her husband and my wife were having an affair. Of course they were confronted and made a believe that their was nothing going on.

We then moved to North Carolina. She became best friends with a woman who was basically married and living with a guy. This woman was so sexual that she was cheating on her guy with almost every swinging **** at their work. This girl wanted to have a three way with us. This girl started swinging with other people. My wife fell right into best friends status almost immediately. (Birds of a feather??)

We then moved to Ohio. We were playing cards with my cousin and her husband. I caught them playing footsie under the table while we were playing cards. She said he was touching her not the other was around. A couple of years later my cousin and her husband divorced and then heard through the grapevine that her husband and my wife did have an affair.

We then moved to Mississippi. She met the newly single guy that moved in accross the street. He was very personable, really good looking, and a partier. She would hang out with him all the time, meet him at bar/resteraunts ocassionally and at his place to help him clean and sit around and drink. I was then assigned to Texas. I had to go ahead of my family. After I left she decided that she and kids were not coming. She thought she may be in love with this guy. She eventually did come.

I got a BJ from the receptionist while in Mississippi. I didnt tell her. Worst mistake ever. 

We then lived in Texas. There were no men around that I ever knew about. Although the computer was burning up every night some nights all night when she would chat all the time.

We moved to Indiana. She learned about my affair. She then got a new job and it was in sales in Michigan. She worked many many hours working a hour away from home. The men were hot sales guys. She and I would hang out with these people so I assumed that the guys would not screw me over. I didnt trust them, but had no way of knowing.

She then was diagnosed with Graves Desease. (The thyroid pumps out so many extra chemicals that your brain and body cant handle it. This is when we/I started really noticing the paranoia kicking in hard. She accussed me of cheating almost daily. She thought every time I walked out the door to play golf or even go to work she would think I was cheating.
Our daughter was 17 by now and had a 18 yr old boyfriend. My daughter, wife, daughters boyfriend, daughters boyfriends mother and boyfriends best friend went out of town together for an event. My daughter caught her mother naked in her room with her boyfriends best friend. Who was 18?? Of course my daughter was told that her dad was out messing around and her mom was just doing it to. She believed her Mom even though it wasnt true. Our daughter lived with this secret.

We then moved to Columbus, Ohio. By now the graves desease was soooo bad and the paranoia was out of control. My wife and I then got into a serious cocaine habit for an entire summer. She has sex with two more of our daughters friends 18 or 19 years old.

My wife then tries to committ suicide. My daughter tells me the same day that this happens about all the affairs that she had been hiding. I of course try to keep everything with my family. This is when she got diagnose with the paranoid schizophrenia and possible bi-polar issues. She gets out of the hospital and she then tells me that I either need to let her go or find a way to get past this. Of course all I see is my son and daughter and this mental desease and how is everything going to be taken care of. I of course stay.

Two years later my wife comes home from working out of town the past five months with her job. Five days a week she is in Findlay Ohio and then come home on the weekends. She is with 2 guys and 2 girls. She becomes huge friends with the 2 divorced people while there. There both not remarried yet, but supposedly in committed relationships. She then comes home on Thanksgiving and tells me that she doesnt love me anymore and wants a divorce. My daughter has by now moved out and my 17 year old son get pissed off and tells her she needs to come home and have things to go back to normal. 

She then tries to kill herself the wednesday before Christmas again this year. She called the guy she has been spending the time with when she tried to slit her wrists (DEEP) so she wouldnt die alone. She is then diagnosed with depression and the physic doc says he doesnt believe that she didnt have paranoia or schizophrenia. She got out of the hospital and of course she wants a divorce and moved out to live with her girlfriend, but have no idea my son and I have no real idea where she lives.

I believe that she has had a mental issue her entire life. Her Mom and Dad believe that as well. 

Is there anybody out there think that I got to be the stupidest guy on the planet. I still love her today and would like her to come home and we work on getting mentally healthy together. She doesnt want to. I cant seem to let her go. 

Tell me what you think.


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## mwdbuckeye (Jan 17, 2010)

I know this is long, but does anybody have a comment on this life that I have led. I am trying to determine if I want her back or if we can really let go of all the crap and actually move forward.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Your marriage has been a train wreck. You are married to a serial cheater who absolutely positively never change. Divorce her and find someone normal.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

A few things stand out to me. If she actually had a mental disease, would she be able to be competent enough to lie to your daughter when she was caught in an affair?? I wouldn't think so, but I could be wrong. 

It looks like there is a good chance she has cheated in just about every place you have lived. That is not a good sign. Have you talked to your kids about all of this and let them know that this isn't how a relationship should function??

I think its high time you think about you and your kids, and only you and your kids. Stop worrying about her, stop thinking that you need to help her. You need to help you. She has run all over you and done unspeakable things. I won't say it would be impossible to get over, but what would happen if she is cleared as not having any mental issue that would cause her to do all this??


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

mwdbuckeye said:


> I know this is long, but does anybody have a comment on this life that I have led. I am trying to determine if I want her back or if we can really let go of all the crap and actually move forward.


I got nuthin ...

This is beyond the horizon line for dysfunctional. I'm hoping it's fiction.

Codependency, read up on it. It has nothing to do with love.


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## mwdbuckeye (Jan 17, 2010)

Every word is true. This has been my life along with all of the jealousy, anger, attacks the non trusting that has gone with it.


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## nikon (Nov 9, 2009)

mwdbuckeye, you obviously love her - because I don't think any sane person would stay in a relationship like this long term. You now have a chance to be happy again - you need to let go and move on. You need to set a good example for your kids or their lives and marriages will be ruined too. You need to stop this and think of yourself. Give yourself another chance at life, at happiness.


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## neverthunkit (Jan 21, 2010)

I'm so sorry you've been going through and keep going through this. It sounds to me that your wife has some huge mental and sexual issues and needs a good psychologist. The only problem is that she has to be the one to want it unless she is committed to a hospital I don't think she'll get help. You are not crazy! I have believed for a long time that my husband is bi-polar (his entire family has been diagnosed with some type of depression or bi-polar disorder) but he thinks it's garbage. My therapist says that I probably won't change my feelings but I can change my actions to work through the feelings. Maybe that will help you.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Becoming crazy is a normal reaction to a crazy situation.

Get out of the crazy situation, return to normal.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm sorry, but I don't think you should stay married. One, she'll never get real help if she knows she always has you to fall back on. Two, you have NO idea how a real life should be. You deserve to experience real love with a real wife who will put you first. Together, you two are a trainwreck. Do both of you a favor and disengage.


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## mwdbuckeye (Jan 17, 2010)

What kind of man would I be to know that she is in serious need of help and I walked away. The sickness and in health thing keeps screaming to me. I have also been looking to God for answers. I keep waiting for some kind of sign to move on


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You can help her by getting her professional help, if she has such serious issues. You can help her by not being her crutch. Sometimes that's what people need. Think of drug addicts and tough love. I have a bipolar friend, and her family completely lets her stay that way (not seek help) by not forcing the issue.

Not saying that's your situation. Just pointing out another possibility.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

mwdbuckeye said:


> What kind of man would I be to know that she is in serious need of help and I walked away. The sickness and in health thing keeps screaming to me. I have also been looking to God for answers. I keep waiting for some kind of sign to move on


Well I am an atheist, so I don't generally advise waiting for signs from God about relationships. In my experience they never come.

Your manhood is not in question. This has been one of the most appalling case histories I have read on this board for what a husband has had to suffer through. I think you need to stop worrying about her, and start worrying about you.

Please. Move on.


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## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

Initfortheduration said:


> Your marriage has been a train wreck. You are married to a serial cheater who absolutely positively never change. Divorce her and find someone normal.


Normally, I'm all about trying to find a resolution through time and working things out together, but this is so beyond that. I have to agree... she is a serial cheater. There are some very serious issues there and you should be glad that you woke up every morning that she was next to you. She seems extremely unpredictiable as well and unstable. No matter what you may want to try in the way of therapy, I'm not holding out much hope for it. I also hope that you have come away from this without any kind of sexually transmitted diseases.


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## mwdbuckeye (Jan 17, 2010)

Today is the 30 day since she slit her wrist. I texted her after church today to try and strike up conversation. She texts back about the sermon that she attended. We then proceeded to text about divorce, reconciliation, forgiveness. I would text her my side where I thought it would help me. She used Matthew 19 to crush my argument. I tried to say that Moses allowed divorce not God and that he despised divorce and that a man shouldnt divorce his wife. So she officially texted me today saying that all the books i've read, the counselor I been seeing, and all the prayer that I am doing is a waste of time. She is Not Coming Back. She has been praying to, and she is on a different path. She has been praying for happiness and she has found it without me. Our son must be devasted with the thought that he will soon have to be deciding where to live. As soon as his mother gets enough money to move out of living with her "friend" she is moving. What another crappy day.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm so sorry. Offer your son a stable place to live and be. It's the best you can do.


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## mwdbuckeye (Jan 17, 2010)

We have both been attending Church the past several weeks - of course seperately. She is going with a guy "friend" and of course Im going alone. She has basically turned the entire thing over to God and the people at the church. She basically only hangs out with them and talks to them on the phone. She did of course move back in last Monday. I of course got my hopes up a little and of course she smacked them down. She came home for our Son. She wants to get the taxes done asap to use the money to get her own place and possibly afford the divorce. She says God is in control and she is following his will. His will is that she is on a different path and Im not part of it. After 25 years a different path. Do we not have a way to nudge this path a little closer to my path.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you visited this church and talked to the Pastor and the group of elders and told them what she's doing?


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## mwdbuckeye (Jan 17, 2010)

I have thought about it. I am not sure about the outcome. Would I be sinning. The guy that she is going to church there with is a long time parishener. Am I opening up a can of worms


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What? How is telling the TRUTH a sin?

The leaders of that church are THERE to guide their people to live a sin-FREE life. Talking to them and asking for help is giving them an opportunity to do just that.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

mwdbuckeye said:


> We have both been attending Church the past several weeks - of course seperately. ...She has basically turned the entire thing over to God and the people at the church. ... She says God is in control and she is following his will. His will is that she is on a different path and Im not part of it. After 25 years a different path. Do we not have a way to nudge this path a little closer to my path.


Oh brother :lol: I'm sorry but I love it when disloyal spouses try this one because it's so foolish it's nearly humorous! 

My dear brother, I can guarantee you it is NOT God's will for your wife to attend church with another man and use the tax money to fund a divorce. God clearly says in many verses that He hates divorce and He hates a husband who covers his household with violence (Malachi) and that when a husband and wife separate it should be for a season and they should devote themselves to prayer and then come back together (1 Cor. 7:5) Further, if they do separate, that she is to remain unmarried or reconcile with her husband (1 Cor. 7:10-11). Finally the apostle Paul is really clear: "Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife." (1 Cor. 7:27) 

If your disloyal spouse is claiming it's God's will, I'm sorry but that is just plain incorrect. God's will is for us to not be tempted by the flesh and to remain together, and He does give us guidelines for when it's appropriate to divorce (like sexual immorality or violence). So don't even listen--dismiss that as the foolishness it is. It is NOT God's will for "your paths to go in separate directions"--that is just her purely selfish way for saying "I want my path to go away from yours."

Based on the issues you have described though I want to offer some wise counsel to you, dear brother. If your spouse has determined in her heart to go, you may not be able to stop her. If that is the case, I would encourage you to do all you can to save the marriage yet if she goes I believe some other verses in 1 Cor. 7 would apply here (verse 15): "...if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."

There is no dishonor in trying to save your marriage and doing your best to honor your vows and covenant, but if she absolutely will not, take some time to recover knowing that God has called you to peace.


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## NightOwl (Sep 28, 2009)

mwdbuckeye said:


> I have thought about it. I am not sure about the outcome. Would I be sinning. The guy that she is going to church there with is a long time parishener. Am I opening up a can of worms


To be frank, you need therapy if you are more concerned with sinning (by telling the truth, no less) than with protecting yourself and your children. It strikes me that you have huge guilt issues and a misunderstanding of religion.


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