# Why is husband doing this?



## Bb081978 (May 29, 2019)

My husband and I recently separated and it was ( at least for me) a very traumatic situation in the beginning to have him tell me he wants to leave. We both had personal issues to work on to make our marriage healthy and I see now that it was necessary to take those steps. However my husband intially made some crazy life moves while we were apart ( changing jobs, finances, etc) that were difficult to accept along with working on my issues. It took time but we both agreed to move forward and give it another shot with boundaries in place. I’ve been feeling great and reconnecting with myself and setting new goals. But I’ve hit a major setback. 

My birthday happened while we were separated and even though I accepted that I may be spending every birthday alone, it killed me that he could just ignore it. A few weeks after we reconciled it was our marriage anniversary. Considering what we had been through I expected it to be low key so I just got a card and something my husband really needed. No plans or big events. But when the day came my husband woke me up by saying happy anniversary and then picked me up from work that evening two hours late with nothing for our anniversary. He had seen my card and small gift on the dining room table a few days before so he knew I had something for him. 

I’m not materialistic or high maintenance but I feel so vulnerable right now. I don’t need presents but I do want to feel loved and needed ( and appreciated). Even a backrub or homemade dinner would have been so amazing. It seems off that he would do this after what we are coming back from. 

i didn’t say anything to my husband and tried so hard to cover up my disappointment, but he asked me why I was Quiet that evening. I don’t understand where he is coming from- doesn’t he want to make me feel secure and loved after what we went through? so far he has been acting happy to have me back in his life, but this seems to sending a message. Am I making a mistake? My main focus now is staying healthy and keeping things steady. But I am crushed. I really needed a chance to emotionally connect with my husband and have him treat me like someone he wants to win over. I’ve hurt a lot during the separation and the cut feels deeper now that he doesn’t want to show me his love. Especially because part of reconciling was me explaining that I do need him to make me feel like I am important to him.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Bb081978 said:


> *i didn’t say anything to my husband and tried so hard to cover up my disappointment, but he asked me why I was Quiet that evening.* I don’t understand where he is coming from- doesn’t he want to make me feel secure and loved after what we went through? so far he has been acting happy to have me back in his life, but this seems to sending a message. Am I making a mistake? My main focus now is staying healthy and keeping things steady. But I am crushed. I really needed a chance to emotionally connect with my husband and have him treat me like someone he wants to win over. I’ve hurt a lot during the separation and the cut feels deeper now that he doesn’t want to show me his love. *Especially because part of reconciling was me explaining that I do need him to make me feel like I am important to him.*


You should have asked him what the hell was up with not acknowledging your anniversary. You HAVE to open your mouth and share exactly how you are feeling, at the time you are feeling it. You stuffing the hurt down is only going to make it worse, because as far as HE is aware, his lame ass attempt/non attempt at this R is working, if you dont tell him otherwise. He supposedly knew of your needs going into this, and he is already failing, and YOU need to call him out on it. Are you guys in counseling together? If not, you should be. I would suggest you put a time limit on this reconciliation, and if he still appears not to give a damn after that X amount of time, then move forward with divorce proceedings. Because if he isnt going to give a crap about this second chance, there really is no point to continue.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

You should not have covered up the disappointment. Have you explained to your H how you would like to see him act towards you?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Marriage counselling might help.

Has he always been this cold and indifferent to you?

And why was he two hours late to pick you up from work?

I feel there's a lot you haven't told us. Perhaps because you don't know it, yet?

Is he cheating on you, perhaps?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Placing a blanket of silence over your needs is the playground of resentment.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

You for sure need to have a sit down talk about expectations just to get on the same page. Maybe he felt like celebrating the anniversary seemed disingenuous? I personally would have thought that day would be a chance to reconnect, but assumptions make everyone lose. 

Its okay to take it slow so long as you both know what to expect so you dont end up disappointed! Good luck!


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