# Dear Lord



## Forever Changed

Dear Lord,

It's D here, your son. 

I please ask of you Lord to please bless my mama and pupster, please bless them, and love them and keep them happy, healthy and safe from harm now and forever.

Please bless my beautiful baby boy D, please love him, bless his sinless soul and let him he healthy and happy. Let him know that his daddy loves him so very much, and misses him every second of every day. 

Please bless my little dog R and cat B, love them and keep them healthy and safe.

Oh Lord, please bless my mama, D, R & B and protect them. Please shroud them in your love so that they may be forever healthy, happy and safe from harm.

I thank you for everything you have ever done and continue to do for me Lord. I ask you to please bless me, my Lord. Please give me guidance.

I love you my Lord.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit,

Amen.


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## Forever Changed

I beg of you my Father, please give me a break.

In Your Plan, You have taken all that is precious to me, and all that I have loved away from me. Most, You have called Home, but some you have taken forever. Why, Lord?

Lord, why do you not give me any second chances? Why have you given me the Worst of the Worst in every situation in my life? I get angry sometimes my Lord. I know I am a Sinner.

But I do get angry with You. But then, I think that it is Your Plan, and I place all of my trust in you and have faith that You will give me a good life.

Why so many tests? Why do people hurt me, Lord? When I see other people getting away with much, much more. People who are very nasty and mean, they have and receive all that they want?

Why have people have treated me so cruelly, Lord? I am a good man with a good heart. Why do I deserve such treatment, over and over and over again?

Why won't you call ME Home? Is it because You want me to suffer here on Earth?

I will never understand Lord, and who am I to try to understand Your Plan?

But I guess, dear Father, that one day it will all make sense.

I will continue to wait for that day.

In Jesus' name,

You son, D.

Amen.


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## Aspydad

When I am down, I also question how God could be so cruel to allow evil things to happen? I have also been guilty of holding on tight to my possessions and / or love ones in my life so that THEY ONLY are what makes me happy in this world. 

If you read the Gospels and LISTEN to what Jesus says, we are to hold on tight to GOD first - thus the first commandment which states that one should have no other Gods except Him - Jesus states that the most important commandment is: "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND" This is the secret to surviving the lowest of lows that we ALL will experience here on this earth.

Nowhere in Gods communication to us does he state that if you believe in Him, your life will be perfect without loss. Unfortunately, there are many Preachers that make a living stating that if you love God, and give me your money, then you will be blessed 100 fold beyond what you gave - SORRY, but that is just not the message of the Gospel - and actually, that is the lie of the Devil.

What did the Apostles of Jesus get for their mission and loyalty for Jesus? Yup, they were all killed for what they preached. Not that Jesus did not warn them - he said that no man is greater than his Master and that they would one day drink out of His cup. And, they sure did.

At the end of the day, we are all going to lose everything - we can take nothing with us to heaven. I actually try to imagine that time in my life (when I have lost everything including my health) - I use my imagination - I feel the deep sorrow. But, in that low, I can bring myself out by leaning on the word of the Lord (God) who is my Father:

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever

The Forever Part is What I Look Forward To!!

The way I see it, if you can learn to be Happy when all your chips are gone, then imagine when you do receive just the smallest amount of Hope here on earth.


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## arbitrator

*FC: I loved your prayers and want you to know that I am joining you in that endeavor ~ more notably in your interest.

Please keep in mind that the Heavenly Father will absolutely never put any more of a burden on you than you can possibly bear.*

*Matthew 11:29-30 ~ "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Matthew 18:20 ~ "Where two or more are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."*

* And we will all continue to be praying with you and for you!*


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## Forever Changed

My dearest Lord,

I don't know what your Plan is, and I had a terrifying night last night my Father.

I woke up at 2am in horror because I thought someone was stabbing me in tummy. I was in such pain. I had to get up. I had another breakdown this morning and Lord, I am now very worried about my sanity. I am am extremely worried about my financial position. Sometimes my mind is overloaded with where to turn, or what to do.

Please Lord, I ask you to give me just a few moments of peace or contentment. I am growing tired of suffering; just when I think it can get no worse it does.

And please my Lord, help me to survive the weekend. Help me not to worry. I try to stand still and leave my life in Your hands, but it is so difficult. I am constantly suffering, every second of every day.

Please bless me Lord. I ask this will all my heart and soul.

I thank you Lord,

Your son,

D.

Amen.


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## 2ntnuf

From the sign of the cross you made above, D, I thought you might be Catholic. Here is a novena I've said in the past. There are many other prayers here. If you are offended by Catholic prayers, please forgive me, I mean no harm. 

The Chaplet of Divine Mercy - Prayers - Catholic Online

The only words I know to give you, now, are to rest assured, I am praying for you while I'm on my knees before I crawl into bed. Please know you are not forgotten. Please know you are important to me and others in this world. Know that I am very sorry you are in pain. Just let me know if you'd rather only post your thoughts and have no others post or me post. I know, I was like that in my Peace and Inspiration thread. I deleted it because I had so much pain there, I wanted to leave it behind. You have affected my life in a positive way, just by being yourself. Even through your pain, I see your faith. I'm so sorry, D.

A short prayer to St. Michael the Archangel:

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the malice and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. Amen.

This is a ,"Prayer or Blessing Against Storms". I have prayed it in the past for help from more than just storms. At each cross, make the sign of the cross, as you pray. 

Jesus Christ a King of Glory has come in Peace. † God became man, † and the Word was made flesh. † Christ was born of a Virgin. † Christ suffered. † Christ was crucified. † Christ died. † Christ rose from the dead. † Christ ascended into Heaven. † Christ conquers. † Christ reigns. † Christ orders. † May Christ protect us from all storms and lightning † Christ went through their midst in Peace, † and the Word was made Flesh. † Christ is with us with Mary. † Flee you enemy spirits because the Lion of the Generation of Judah, the Root David, has won. † Holy God! † Holy Powerful God! † Holy Immortal God! † Have mercy on us. Amen!


This is a prayer I've used when I wasn't getting the help I thought I needed. It comforted me to know I covered my bases. I couldn't think of what I might have said, but sometimes we forget or don't realise something. I'm not saying you did anything. It was just comforting to know I'd offered my apology. 


May the most holy, most sacred, most adorable, most mysterious and unutterable Name of God be always praised, blessed, loved, adored and glorified in heaven, on earth and under the earth, by all the creatures of God, and by the Sacred Heart of our Lord Jesus Christ in the most Holy Sacrament of the altar.

This prayer was revealed by Our Lard to a Carmelite Nun of Tours in 1843 as a reparation for blasphemy.

"This Golden Arrow will wound My Heart delightfully," He said, "and heal the wounds inflicted by blasphemy."

Imprimatur
+ T. J. Toolen, Archbishop of Mobile-Birm.


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## Aspydad

Forever,

I am prying for you as well!! Not sure where you are, but God knows and I am lifting you up to Him.


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## Forever Changed

Yes Lord, I will quietly hurt myself in the Garden today. Hopefully this will make You happy, it's all I can do for now as my punishment,maybe my puinishment is staying on earth and sufferinhg. But I can hurt and cut myself in the meantime to appease You.


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## 2ntnuf

Hey, Dan. Why don't your write out what you experienced. Write it and take a look at it in a few days. Write out what actually happened and how it made you feel. Write down what you think your options are to solve the problems. Let others come here and help you solve them. Maybe someone can help you? 

If you are on meds, when was the last time you had a checkup from your doctor? 

When was the last time you were talking to a therapist? Can you get to one soon? If not, there are hotlines to call, if you need them. While it feels good to get that all out, it can be a danger sign. I can also be just you getting out your feelings so you don't actually do it. The problem is, none of us here want to see you go through with that. That would make us angry with you, because we care about you. You may not want to believe it, but it's true. 

Do you have the anxiety help I've posted elsewhere? Just in case, here it is again. Although it's in all caps, it's not meant to be shouting, just to draw attention. 

USE FOR ANXIETY ATTACKS:
CLOSE YOUR EYES, LISTEN FOR 5 DISTINCT SOUNDS AND IDENTIFY THEM... THEN OPEN YOUR EYES, LOOK AROUND AND NOTICE 4 THINGS... THEN CLOSE YOUR EYES AGAIN AND THINK OF THREE THINGS YOU CAN FEEL (LIKE YOUR PULSE, YOUR FEET TOUCHING THE FLOOR, THE TENSION IN YOUR MUSCLES), THEN DO 2 THINGS YOU CAN HEAR, AND FINALLY ONE MORE TIME SOMETHING YOU CAN SEE.


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## 2ntnuf

Here is a hotline number for Australia. I would suggest using it when you have too much to carry. 

Not sure which one it is, so I'll just post a couple links. You can just click on them and look. You don't have to call anyone, if you don't want to. I would encourage just making certain you have them handy. I hated using them the few times I did. I felt weak. I really needed them and no one was around to help. That was before I knew about his site. 

Australia Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Australia Suicide Hotlines, Australia Suicide Hotlines, Australia Suicide Hotlines, Australia Suicide Hotlines!

Suicide Prevention - Australia | Call a Suicide Help Line - If you are Feeling Suicidal

Crisis Hotline Numbers - International


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## Forever Changed

Thanks 2NT. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to my craziness I feel so guilty that you actually respond to me. 

I've had enough. Enough of doctors, meds, therapists, work, no money, self hatred, guilt, terror, fear everything. I've called all the hotlines and it doesn't help. 

I can see no hope today. My life is over, it really is. I've got to hurt myself to take the pain away. 

Doesn't matter who I leave behind, theu wikl be fine and God will look after them.. It is about me now. It's almost like a dont have a choice now. I just want peace and rest.


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## 2ntnuf

Dan, I found that it wasn't me that was wrong, it was my understanding that was messing me up. I didn't think from other's perspective. It's tough to get to that point. Everything I heard was hurtful. Everything anyone did was hurtful. It was the way I was perceiving things. It truly wasn't me. I know it's not you either. It's just your perspective right now. That's not your fault. You can't just accept that this is all there is, though. There is plenty more. You are only in your thirties. 

Sometimes, we have to take things, moment by moment. Not even second by second. It passes with a little time. I know it took about twenty or thirty minutes for the worst part to pass. Sometimes, it was forty, but then it was over. 

That's when a little tea to soothe me would help. Just for a little while. I buried myself in the Word of God. It was what gave me strength. It didn't take all pain away. It did help. I got laughed at, but took it proudly, not arrogantly. I didn't show off, I just quietly read. I don't know if that will help you. We all seem to get something different from it. I'm just sharing what I did. Just wanted to talk with you, Dan.


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## 2ntnuf

Dan, if you could do anything in life, if you had that ability to choose, what would that be? What does that look like to you? I was just wondering today about what I would like. I really don't know, to tell the honest truth. I know that's okay with me, right now. I know it's alright because I decide for me. If I decide to let it pass, I let it pass. If I decide to work on it, I do. No one tells me what to do now. 

Do you ever think you'd like to decide your own life, Dan? I mean, I found myself enjoying things I used to do. Not all of them, because I've changed. We all change. Over time, we cannot be the person we were. We can be better. It is possible. The pain can be like a car passing on the road in front of your house. It can be just there and you notice it, but you just sit there on the porch and notice it. 

That's all that happens. Nothing more, nothing less.

Dan, is it hot there today? Are you overworking yourself? Have you had enough water to drink? I know, when it's hot, I have to drink more water, or I'll get a headache or just feel very tired. Have you had any today?


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## 2ntnuf

No news is good news, Dan. I hope you are fine. I'm still sendin' prayers your way, buddy. You just keep taking one step at a time.


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## 2ntnuf

Just wanted to let you know, I was thinking about you.


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## Amplexor

Forever Changed said:


> I thank you for everything you have ever done and continue to do for me Lord. I ask you to please bless me, my Lord. Please give me guidance.
> .


Some years ago I prayed words very much like these. I had the same emptiness, the same dark thoughts, hopeless, loss..... I am of faith and continued to pray for guidance and strength. 

Early in our R, we were in very bad shape. I was too emotional to even stay in the same bed with her one evening and took the guest room, quietly sobbing and praying. We'd had another fight, one of many in those days. I was completely lost in how to remedy this situation we were in. Very near to giving up on it. 

At 2:00 in the morning we found ourselves together in the kitchen. Something had woken her but she couldn't explain it. She would hear it, I could not. We investigated but could find nothing. We had a snack and talked. About the event and the discussion that led to the fight earlier. She related it to the event and I had a moment of clarity. I could see through all the pain, anger, and emotional wall she had put up and found where she really was. It was as amazingly enlightening as it was terribly frightening. I clearly saw where she was, why she was there and how far she had traveled form our marriage. But it gave me understanding, a logical plan, a hope of success the strength to regroup and move forward. This year, my wife and I will happily celebrate our 29th anniversary. I, on that evening, nearly 7 years ago believed there had been a Divine Intervention. To this day I still believe that.

These things do happen. I hope it does for you. Whether in recovery or the strength to survive a failure and find happiness down the road. You are in a lonely place but are not alone. Many have traveled there and moved on.


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## Forever Changed

To my Dear Lord, my Father in Heaven,

I come to you as you child and I am begging you with all my heart and soul that you may help me to leave this horrible place, where Sarah abandoned me, took our child, took everything I owned, left me to rot and laughed at my pain.

I cannot stay in this town anymore. I have absolutely no quality of life here; my days are full of worry, insecurity, fear and lonliness. I have no social support, family or friends and I am truly struggling in every aspect of my life. My most precious mama is coming in April so that we can get the house packed, get it cleaned, and make sure my little pets come with us.

I come to you Lord, on my knees as I did on Saturday, and I please ask of you with all my heart and soul that You may see it that I am home in the comfort of my home town where I will be content, at peace and eventually happy.

I thank you for everything you have done and continue you to do for me Lord.

Please, Lord. Please let good things happen in the future.

Please allow me to come home.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Your child,

Daniel


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## arbitrator

*FC: My heartfelt prayers go your way.

And always remember that "where two or three are gathered in My name, there shall I also be!"

Matthew 18:20*


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## Forever Changed

To my wonderful friends 2NT, Amplexor and Abritrator - I thank you deeply, and from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts and prayers.

Please know that I am listening to every word you say, and I am so very gratitous that you are there for me. I haven't forgotten you, and I never will.

Lord, please bless these children of yours, let them be happy, healthy and safe and may they be content in their lives. Please help them in their struggles and shroud them, and protect them in your Love. Bless them, they are truly good, good people.

Amen


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## arbitrator

*You're a good man, FC!*


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## Forever Changed

Thank you very much, Arbitrator. I truly mean it.

It just saddens me that no one IRL can see it, and I have done so much soul searching and cannot believe the treatment I have received in my 36 years of my life from so called friends, former in laws, ex girlfriends, ex wife, heck, even my parents.

I am a good man. I know in my heart. I am gentle, generous, loving, caring, a good listener, intelligent, open minded, faithful and above all never, ever do anything to make people feel bad about themselves. 

But I have made a truly concious choice now, my friend: I shall not love again. I never want to marry again. My heart is permanently closed now to that L-Word. It really is. My defences are permanent now. I will allow no one to get near me, I will not be vulnerable. 

All I want to do now, is life out the rest of my days in peace, alone but not lonely.

This is what I want. I have made my mind up, forever.

Because you know what my friends? 

Everything that I have ever wanted to do, see or go I have done.

So now, I view the rest of my time on this earth as just waiting. There is nothing more that I want.

It's really very peaceful.


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## arbitrator

Forever Changed said:


> Thank you very much, Arbitrator. I truly mean it.
> 
> It just saddens me that no one IRL can see it, and I have done so much soul searching and cannot believe the treatment I have received in my 36 years of my life from so called friends, former in laws, ex girlfriends, ex wife, heck, even my parents.
> 
> I am a good man. I know in my heart. I am gentle, generous, loving, caring, a good listener, intelligent, open minded, faithful and above all never, ever do anything to make people feel bad about themselves.
> 
> But I have made a truly concious choice now, my friend: I shall not love again. I never want to marry again. My heart is permanently closed now to that L-Word. It really is. My defences are permanent now. I will allow no one to get near me, I will not be vulnerable.
> 
> All I want to do now, is life out the rest of my days in peace, alone but not lonely.
> 
> This is what I want. I have made my mind up, forever.
> 
> Because you know what my friends?
> 
> Everything that I have ever wanted to do, see or go I have done.
> 
> So now, I view the rest of my time on this earth as just waiting. There is nothing more that I want.
> 
> It's really very peaceful.


*That's where our views part ways, FC. And let me explain it to you the way a good Christian friend explained it to me when I felt so down and out and rejected.

For what it's worth, God does not want us alone. That's why he desired man to have woman.

You are a Christian man; it's all too obvious. Did it ever occur to you that as such, the Heavenly Father directed you to be with this woman as His instrument in trying to help bring this woman to Christ. And as such, she rejected you and chose some other path to His plan. That is hurtful, yes, but it is not your fault. God is going to try to use all of His children to further His love in this uncertain world of ours, and that includes you, me, and so many others.

Painful as it may be, we often cower from the possibility of coming to be hurt yet again. Give yourself the space to grieve this loss, and overcome it. Read scripture daily and pray often, because God will never forget you ~ neither in your despair or in your victories! Never say never, brother!

God has a plan ~ have faith ~ and come to embrace it! And iff you ever need to talk, I'm only an IM away! God Bless you, kind Sir!*


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## 2ntnuf

Glad you are moving away from that place. You need those friends and family in your hometown. You are making progress. You made a tough decision to make a move to try finding peace. I think that's a good start. 

Thank you for the kind words an prayers. I keep you in mine. Let us know your progress. Keep posting once in a while. You're doing fine. I'm proud of you for the progress you are making.


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## Forever Changed

But why has the Lord taken everything I have loved away from me?

The reasoning behind my decision is that I may find love, but for how long? A week? A month? 10 years? Then they leave, you see. Forever. 

Oh how I dream of Heaven. All the time. I sit outside and smile about what Heaven will be to me. When God calls me Home, My Angel will take me to Him. She will be so beautiful and her eyes will say "We love you, we have been waiting for you". They will lead me to God and I will no longer have fear, sadness, worry, regret, sorrow anymore. Just peace, and love. They will sing in the most beautiful voices.

I only have one question for our Heavenly Father if He permits me to ask. One word. Just one word.

Why?


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## 2ntnuf

Forever Changed said:


> But why has the Lord taken everything I have loved away from me?
> 
> The reasoning behind my decision is that I may find love, but for how long? A week? A month? 10 years? Then they leave, you see. Forever.
> 
> Oh how I dream of Heaven. All the time. I sit outside and smile about what Heaven will be to me. When God calls me Home, My Angel will take me to Him. She will be so beautiful and her eyes will say "We love you, we have been waiting for you". They will lead me to God and I will no longer have fear, sadness, worry, regret, sorrow anymore. Just peace, and love. They will sing in the most beautiful voices.
> 
> I only have one question for our Heavenly Father if He permits me to ask. One word. Just one word.
> 
> Why?


No one knows what is in their future. We all just do the best we can with what we have. That's all I do. What I do is not enough for most, but it's all I have to give right now. I have to be satisfied with what I have to offer now. 

I don't know why these things happen. Much of what happened to me was due to not knowing who I was actually marrying. Some of it was because I did not stand up for my boundaries, when I saw them being violated. I didn't have the guts to get another divorce. I wanted companionship and love, just like you do. Some of my problems came from biological changes, both in me and her. Some of my problems came from my inaction to help myself. I don't know which would have been correct, to leave or to work on myself. I think the answer is both. I needed to work on myself, always. I needed to make me a priority and all else would fall into place. 

I think she was just not ready to commit and I think I needed someone to help me, too much. I always thought it was normal to work together on things that happened in life. I know now, that's not how anyone likes doing it any more. They like to be on their own, making their own decisions while being married. It's a different concept to what I thought was supposed to happen. 

There were many other things which I could not do anything about which led to my separation. I have to know that there was nothing I could do to change those things. You must learn that, too. You can only do the best you can with what you know today.

You can read the Book of Job, but it basically ends with God asking Job to tell him how things were made if he thought he was so important that he needed to know everything. God does as He sees fit. His reasons we may never know. We live and deal with our lives as best we can. 

And really, that's it isn't it? We owe God. He doesn't owe us. We must find a way to be grateful for everything. You may love your ex and your little family that you once had. I do also. 

What you must somehow come to understand is this. There is not only one life path that you can live. There are many and if you take into account all the apostles and martyrs went through, you will see that they all had a tough life. They were fishermen or tax collectors who left all behind to follow. I'm not saying you need to leave all behind. I don't know what you need, except love and kindness, some healing and some hope and just a little happiness and joy. I know if you can start to find those, you will feel like they are building upon each other and helping you to heal. 

There is much more you can do, though. You need the counseling to help you. You need to heal further. You need to find some friends, like you said. You need to live for you and not forget your son. You must come first, so you will have strength for your son. You can make a difference in his life. He can know you. You can survive and have a decent life that is satisfying and happy. You have work to do, but we all do. I have plenty of my own work to do. I can only start, doing a little at a time. I have to be satisfied with that. 

X can no longer rule my life, not matter how much I miss her. I must make myself happy. It doesn't take that much to make me laugh. I just need to carry those good thoughts into the rest of life. I need to find goals and work toward them. I think you will probably find yourself doing the same.

Never give up. The only constant in life, is change.


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## arbitrator

Forever Changed said:


> But why has the Lord taken everything I have loved away from me?
> 
> The reasoning behind my decision is that I may find love, but for how long? A week? A month? 10 years? Then they leave, you see. Forever.
> 
> Oh how I dream of Heaven. All the time. I sit outside and smile about what Heaven will be to me. When God calls me Home, My Angel will take me to Him. She will be so beautiful and her eyes will say "We love you, we have been waiting for you". They will lead me to God and I will no longer have fear, sadness, worry, regret, sorrow anymore. Just peace, and love. They will sing in the most beautiful voices.
> 
> I only have one question for our Heavenly Father if He permits me to ask. One word. Just one word.
> 
> Why?


*FC: Do me one small favor! Before I answer that question, I want you to go to the Old Testament and read the Book of Job(pronounced like Jobe). Read that for me, Sir, so we can be on the same page.

And I'm certainly not doing this to necessarily show you up, much less to belittle you, but rather to give you a little bit of direction... and with it, just a whole lot of hope!

My prayers will remain steadfast with both you and your painful situation!*


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## 2ntnuf

How about an update, FC. I'd like to know how you are doing. I know Arb wants to discuss the book of Job with you and I would enjoy being a part of that. I've read it a few times. How about getting one started? We may all learn something. Give it a shot. You really don't have anything to lose by reading and talking about it. All you can be is mistaken. I've been mistaken all my life and I'm still here.


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## 2ntnuf

Hear you go, FC. It's the KJV. Sometimes a little tougher to read, but I find it interesting. Hope this helps you get started.

JOB CHAPTER 1


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## 2ntnuf

It will be a good day to start a discussion here on Job. Looking forward to you and Arb kicking my butt.


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