# Can only go up?



## hk102 (May 31, 2012)

Well, after lots of tears, trying to explain, and quietly absorbing the backlash, here I am. Sitting at work after about 20 minutes of sleep and realizing I haven't eaten. I said what needed to be said, listened and didn't give in... Is it such a horrible thing that I couldn't be happy and did something about it? 
Feels pretty awful right now... Any ideas on how to safely and delicately start the next conversation we will have? Who's going where? Who's paying what?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Awww. I was hoping you'd come back.

You don't have to decide everything right now. Let yourself just grieve for a while.


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## hk102 (May 31, 2012)

I just feel lost. I want to know where to go from here... It's much more overwhelming than I anticipated


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I am the type that has to know everything too. It is hard but you have to just let it go some how. My kids are my focus. If you don't have kids, do some hobby or as a lot will tell you, start working out to fill time and make yourself feel better.

You'll get thru it one way or another, time has just got to pass.

I am no pro by any means just having a lucid moment.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

You broke the guy's heart after 8 months of marriage. It'll take him a very long time (if ever) to completely get over this.

You have no choice but to take responsibility for your actions and the shock you have caused. Don't expect it to be easy. It's much harder for him than it is for you. 



> I just feel lost. I want to know where to go from here... It's much more overwhelming than I anticipated


It will only get harder for a while. The lack of closure will haunt him and you will have to be ready for some uneasy times. 

If anyone told you this was going to be not-overwhelming, they lied. It is, more so for him than you. Please understand.


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## hk102 (May 31, 2012)

I do understand. I hurt him more than I'd like to know. He is such a wonderful person. I'm just not capable of the understanding he needs. I honestly believe he will be better off, even if that means me having to face his loathing and the like, I will. I deserve every negative feeling he has towards me.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

No you don't, HK. You are a human being doing the best you can, and you have made mistakes like all humans. It's who we are. You are trying to make decisions in a thoughtful and considerate way, which puts you way ahead of most people in the world.

Also, check your PM.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

HK,
Try mediation. I am not familiar with your story but it sounds like you were the WS here. Is that correct or was there no A? Either way, if you can't talk with each other about D issues, then try mediation before litigation.


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## hk102 (May 31, 2012)

I'm not familiar with the abbreviations, but I'm assuming A is affair. If so, no, there wasn't an affair on either part. I just realized that I didn't feel the way I did or should towards him and that at the point I let it get to, I wasn't going to again.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Ok. A is affair, WS is wayward (cheating) spouse and D is divorce. Why did you get married and what caused you to get to this point? Is there a back story I can read?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Married in VA said:


> Ok. A is affair, WS is wayward (cheating) spouse and D is divorce. Why did you get married and what caused you to get to this point? Is there a back story I can read?


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/47526-feeling-selfish.html#post787753


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