# Judging!!



## sandra holmes (Dec 8, 2011)

This is my very first post and wanted to share a very tricky situation i am facing right now.

Recently a new team mate joined our organization, he is a very good looking guy but a very very serious guy. Apparently he only talks professionally and although is a part of social talk has never called me or other ladies by our First Names. 
I do know that most ladies including me are just head over heels with him , after a little snooping at a office party we did come to know that Mr.X is not interested in any relationships due to some of his issues and is a strict no no to any romances, but we did come to know the dark side, he does pay for his sexual adventures. 

Clearly most of us were taken aback and since i was directly working with him wanted to confront him. I do not know i felt more betrayed than others, a man who does not want to even look at women going head over heels on him is just paying for Sex. I do not want to embarrass him or anything but definitely want to know the reason. I know marriage is a challenge and i failed it once but i really like the man, i want to tell him so much about my feeling .
i also want to directly confront him make him understand but then i think am i fair to judge such a man?


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

How exactly did he "betray" anyone? Plus, his private life is his business.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Endgame (Nov 6, 2011)

I would say that if he's a strict no no to any romances or any type of relationship, then I would steer clear of him. It is obvious that, with the way he communicates with you and others, he has no interest in developing something with anyone. Take a step back and leave him to his own devices, he's not interested. And there's no place for judgement.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Sandra,

I am confused...are you married? If so, isn't this sort of an emotional affair you are wanting with this Mr. X (if not being upset that he is not interested in an actual physical affair?).

If you are not married, what, exactly, are you doing here?

I don't understand why he owes you any explanation and it is really NONE of your business. It is alarming that you are sorta stalking this guy and you should back off.

As far as paying for sex...so what? He does not seem to be in a relationship or to even want a relationship at this point, so if all he wants is to be sexually satisfied, well, he's figured out how to do that without the entanglements/commitments of a relationship...more power to him!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

CalifGuy said:


> Sandra,
> 
> I am confused...are you married? *If so, isn't this sort of an emotional affair you are wanting with this Mr. X (*if not being upset that he is not interested in an actual physical affair?).
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

sandra holmes said:


> This is my very first post and wanted to share a very tricky situation i am facing right now.
> 
> Recently a new team mate joined our organization, he is a very good looking guy but a very very serious guy. Apparently he only talks professionally and although is a part of social talk has never called me or other ladies by our First Names.
> I do know that most ladies including me are just head over heels with him , *after a little snooping at a office party* we did come to know that Mr.X is not interested in any relationships due to some of his issues and is a strict no no to any romances, but we did come to know the dark side, he does pay for his sexual adventures.
> ...


Questions for the highlighted portions:

1) Snooping? What kind of snooping? Invasion of privacy snooping, or snooping that can get you fired? Do you really think any man would be interested in someone who acts like this?

2) How on earth does his sex life effect your working with him? Do you send out weekly updates the the company informing them of all your intimate encounters?

3) Betrayed how? If you are a co-worker who he barely acknowledges, he owes you nothing.

4) You don't want to embarrass him? Then don't. And by the way the embarrassment would be yours when you tell him how you found out, it could also cost you your job if he files a complaint.

You should really leave the man alone, this is a prime reason why he probably wants nothing to do with an office romance. Just because you work with him and find him attractive does not give you a right to invade his privacy, that's called stalking and I believe it's illegal.

Just out of curiosity, how old are you?


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

If you want so badly to go out with a guy who pays for sex ,then ask him out . I don't understand what is all the fuss about?!


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I think this was an episode of Deperate Housewives


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## sandra holmes (Dec 8, 2011)

I am wanting to ask the guy out. I really like him , want to spend time with him but i guess looking at your opinions i will want to steer clear of his way. Maybe i will be an idiot if i take any step in his direction.thanks all for the replies.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's really none of your business what he does in his personal life.

So I would not bring up the subject since it has nothing to do with you. 

People judge all the time. It's a part of life. What he does in his life though, has nothing to do with you or anyone else at that organization.

Stay out of it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sandra holmes said:


> I am wanting to ask the guy out. I really like him , want to spend time with him but i guess looking at your opinions i will want to steer clear of his way. Maybe i will be an idiot if i take any step in his direction.thanks all for the replies.


If it's fact that he uses prostitutes all the time, why would you want to go out with him. A person is much more than if he is cute. The guy truely sounds creepy.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

He probably uses prostitutes for the specific reason that he doesn`t have to deal with any relationship drama.

He pays for his intimacy and gets on with his life.

I understand it quite well actually.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

He's made it clear that he'd like to maintain a completely professional work environment, but you decide to spy on him and YOU feel betrayed? He owes you nothing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tacoma said:


> He probably uses prostitutes for the specific reason that he doesn`t have to deal with any relationship drama.
> 
> He pays for his intimacy and gets on with his life.
> 
> I understand it quite well actually.


Yes I understand that. But is also means that he is most likely not a candidate for a meaningful relationship.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

sandra holmes said:


> I am wanting to ask the guy out. I really like him , want to spend time with him but i guess looking at your opinions i will want to steer clear of his way. Maybe i will be an idiot if i take any step in his direction.thanks all for the replies.



He's made it clear he doesn't do work relationships. At the very least you are disrespectful of his wishes (snooping, disregarding his rules). If you like rejection, by all means ask him out, but really what's the point? He's not interested in pursuing any romantic relationships in the office.

What he does with his money on his own time is none of your business. You're at work. Maintain your professionalism with him, it's what you should be doing anyway.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> He's made it clear that he'd like to maintain a completely professional work environment, but you decide to spy on him and YOU feel betrayed? He owes you nothing.


Unhealthy people pursue unavailable people knowingly.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Women talk and gossip WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much
Oh wait, so do men over hotties =/

Bah!


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Yes I understand that. But is also means that he is most likely not a candidate for a meaningful relationship.


Maybe, maybe not.

He may be a candidate for a meaningful relationship with someone in the future, but knows that - right now - he's not looking for one. If that's the case, I give him credit for not creating a situation where he begins dating someone casually and she decides she wants more of a commitment that he's not prepared to give.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm sure there are other hot men you can go after.

Leave this guy alone! Your behaviour is kinda creepy. ...stalking, researching, pursuing. Creeeepeh!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I would never ever date a guy who rented human beings. That said, he isn't your husband, boyfriend or anybody who owes you anything. I would move on and go after someone with a better moral compass.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Yes I understand that. But is also means that he is most likely not a candidate for a meaningful relationship.


Well yeah but I think he's made that perfectly clear.

His attitude is to be admired as not many people are quite so clear about where they stand about a relationship as he is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Darkhorse said:


> Leave this guy alone! Your behaviour is kinda creepy. ...stalking, researching, pursuing. *Creeeepeh*!


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Dude has already stated clearly he doesn't want a relationship (regardless of whether he hires sex or not)... that is the line, the boundary. The OP has boundary issues. She is unwilling to accept that. Disaster.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I would never ever date a guy who rented human beings.


just to play devil's advocate a bit, does this mean that you would never date a guy who directly hires someone else to perform a service, such as mowing the lawn, performing a repair, etc. From a certain point of view, that could also be seen as "renting human beings."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think she means it in the sexual context, namely, prostitutes.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Grayson said:


> just to play devil's advocate a bit, does this mean that you would never date a guy who directly hires someone else to perform a service, such as mowing the lawn, performing a repair, etc. From a certain point of view, that could also be seen as "renting human beings."
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The two are not the same. 

Back to the OP, you need to fixate on someone else. He told you in no uncertain terms that he does not want a relationship with anybody.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I think she means it in the sexual context, namely, prostitutes.


Hence my opening remark regarding devil's advocacy.

In the end, I still think it's a question worth some thought...when does hiring someone to perform a service cross the line into "renting a human being?" Is it the legality (or lack thereof) that does it? Is it an individual's personal views on the service being provided?

Don't get me wrong...even in my longest dry spell, I never considered using a prostitute. At the same time, I don't agree with prostitution being illegal. If two consenting adults wish to engage in a business transaction fo sex, in which no one is harmed, who am I to say it's "wrong?" Likewise, I don't drink, but I don't think bringing back Prohibition is a good idea, either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Grayson said:


> Hence my opening remark regarding devil's advocacy.
> 
> In the end, I still think it's a question worth some thought...when does hiring someone to perform a service cross the line into "renting a human being?" Is it the legality (or lack thereof) that does it? Is it an individual's personal views on the service being provided?
> 
> ...


I could provide oodles of data that suggests that plenty of women are harmed by prostitution. Sexual abuse, drug addiction, physical abuse, etc....are just the tip of the iceberg to the background of these women. It isn't a victimless crime, that's for sure. In fact....it continues victimhood. 
I would NEVER date a guy who had hired a hooker. To me it shows lack of empathy and deep seeded issues with women.


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

tacoma said:


> He probably uses prostitutes for the specific reason that he doesn`t have to deal with any relationship drama.
> 
> He pays for his intimacy and gets on with his life.
> 
> I understand it quite well actually.


Here here. In my first marriage, it was not uncommon for me to see "call girls" or go to an Asian massage parlor (mostly with women in their early 20's) once or even twice a week. My first wife was too wrapped up in herself to even care or notice.

Finally, more than a year before the marriage ended, she caught me, but while she was hurt, nothing much seemed to change.

I just needed the release (both physically and mentally) and my wife had no intention or desire to take care of her appearance for either me or herself and this drove me away.

Following first marriage, even when in a serious relationship with a VERY fit woman who was a white collar professional by day and an "artistic" nude model in her spare time, I continued to occasionally pay for sex, as this woman I was with was pretty into herself (total narcissist) and needed her "alone time", meaning that three days a week I was on my own. For awhile, I had a second girlfriend whom I would see on those days but when she tired of being #2, I was not opposed to paying for sex on those days.

Following that relationship, however, I met my second wife and we have spent just about every single night together since our first date 3.5 years ago. With my sexual needs mostly met, I have had no reason to go elsewhere for sex and it has probably also helped that early in our relationship we were in the lifestyle (swinging) for a year and that every blue moon it is something I have been promised we could repeat in the future.

For me, monogamy just does not seem entirely realistic or natural and this is something I disclosed to my second wife before even proposing to her, so I have not been at all deceitful and shared every single skeleton in my closet with her.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

You're the reason he pays for services. NSA and it's back to business. If you aren't even dating him and are snooping already, oh boy......


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

cheatinghubby said:


> You're the reason he pays for services. NSA and it's back to business. If you aren't even dating him and are snooping already, oh boy......


+1 :lol:


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I could provide oodles of data that suggests that plenty of women are harmed by prostitution. Sexual abuse, drug addiction, physical abuse, etc....are just the tip of the iceberg to the background of these women. It isn't a victimless crime, that's for sure. In fact....it continues victimhood.
> I would NEVER date a guy who had hired a hooker. To me it shows lack of empathy and deep seeded issues with women.


I don't doubt that such things happen regarding prostitution, particularly in its current state of being illegal in the majority of the US. No seeing the data first-hand, does it also include sample information from areas of the US and the world where it is legalized and, thus, subject to rules and regulations? I think, depending on the nature of the discussion, the term "victimless crime" can be a loaded one...if something is legalized, it's not a crime if done within the legal boundaries, whether "victimless" or not. And, while not trying to downplay the impact of the potential consequences you cite, many people go to work every day in legal occupations that are equally hazardous.

You don't personally like it. That's fair enough. If it were legalized, you still wouldn't be required to like it or participate in it, as a worker or a customer. Likewise, I don't have to drink or smoke. Legalization wouldn't totally eliminate all hazards, either, because people are involved, and people are the inherent flaw in every system, as we supply an unending set of variables to any situation. There will still be those who operate outside the law, and those who work within it, but still face negative consequences. Back to my initial question, though, all of us who do a job are "rented" by our employers...they compensate us for our time and service on their behalf.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Some prostitutes are victims, while others are predators. One high priced call girl whom I hired in Cape Town, South Africa, drained my bank account of $5k in a couple day span after she swiped my credit card info while I was in the shower.

Very well spoken, seemingly educated, very sexy and with a top notch website, this woman was no victim. 

Not all prostitutes are of the same fiber...some have college degrees, other careers and choose to be a prostitute for the right clientele. Check out theeroticreview.com for a glimpse at one side of prostitution you may have never known to exist and that is women who are making $300-$500 per hour and who you would never ever find on a street corner or even prowling a bar. I used to frequent this site and the users of this site even leave reviews of the women they see...lol.

Me, a predator? Hardly.

Me, a horndog? Most definitely.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Grayson said:


> I don't doubt that such things happen regarding prostitution, particularly in its current state of being illegal in the majority of the US. No seeing the data first-hand, does it also include sample information from areas of the US and the world where it is legalized and, thus, subject to rules and regulations? I think, depending on the nature of the discussion, the term "victimless crime" can be a loaded one...if something is legalized, it's not a crime if done within the legal boundaries, whether "victimless" or not. And, while not trying to downplay the impact of the potential consequences you cite, many people go to work every day in legal occupations that are equally hazardous.
> 
> You don't personally like it. That's fair enough. If it were legalized, you still wouldn't be required to like it or participate in it, as a worker or a customer. Likewise, I don't have to drink or smoke. Legalization wouldn't totally eliminate all hazards, either, because people are involved, and people are the inherent flaw in every system, as we supply an unending set of variables to any situation. There will still be those who operate outside the law, and those who work within it, but still face negative consequences. Back to my initial question, though, all of us who do a job are "rented" by our employers...they compensate us for our time and service on their behalf.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If we view prostitution as violence against women, it makes no sense to legalize or decriminalize prostitution. The primary violence in prostitution is not "social stigma" as some maintain. Decriminalizing or legalizing prostitution would normalize and regulate practices which are human rights violations, and which in any other context would be legally actionable (sexual harassment, physical assault, rape, captivity, economic coercion.) or emotionally damaging (verbal abuse).
I wouldn't date anybody who had values such as that. Of course, many men wouldn't want to date me because I have the values that I have. It works both ways. 
Back to the OP, why are you chasing after a guy who has no interest in you and has said repeatedly that he doesn't want a relationship? Furthermore, why do you want to be with someone so mentally stunted?


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

sandra holmes said:


> I am wanting to ask the guy out. I really like him , want to spend time with him but i guess looking at your opinions i will want to steer clear of his way. Maybe i will be an idiot if i take any step in his direction.thanks all for the replies.


Stick with your husband, John Holmes.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Arnold said:


> Stick with your husband, John Holmes.


How about instead of the dead AIDS riddled porn star, we go with the delicious Mike Holmes of Holmes on Homes fame? :smthumbup:


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> How about instead of the dead AIDS riddled porn star, we go with the delicious Mike Holmes of Holmes on Homes fame? :smthumbup:


Delicious? Bright, sounds like you are objectifying this guy.
I guess we could go with him provided he isadequately feminist.

And, let's not forget the male victims of prostitution.

Also, it is pretty well established that men are the victims of rape more often than women.(Just thought I'd throw that in)


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## Marque (Nov 8, 2011)

i dont think the fact that he pays for sex is nobodies business


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> If we view prostitution as violence against women, it makes no sense to legalize or decriminalize prostitution. The primary violence in prostitution is not "social stigma" as some maintain. Decriminalizing or legalizing prostitution would normalize and regulate practices which are human rights violations, and which in any other context would be legally actionable (sexual harassment, physical assault, rape, captivity, economic coercion.) or emotionally damaging (verbal abuse).
> I wouldn't date anybody who had values such as that. Of course, many men wouldn't want to date me because I have the values that I have. It works both ways.
> Back to the OP, why are you chasing after a guy who has no interest in you and has said repeatedly that he doesn't want a relationship? Furthermore, why do you want to be with someone so mentally stunted?


Wow, such strong feelings and stereotyping! In my career I have met a number of beautiful, educated women who turned out to be in the business of servicing the sexual desires of men. They were not coerced, or abused, I heard of no assaults or captivity and they made more money than I did!. These women made a conscious choice to engage in this"profession". I am sure there are circumstances of abuse of women in the sex trades particularly in the third world; but I can't agree that prostitution in and of itself "is a violence against women."I was amazed at the level of education of these people and the fact that they had "legitimate" options to support themselves but chose this line of work. I'm talking about women who held graduate degrees and professional credentials.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

KanDo said:


> Wow, such strong feelings and stereotyping! In my career I have met a number of beautiful, educated women who turned out to be in the business of servicing the sexual desires of men. They were not coerced, or abused, I heard of no assaults or captivity and they made more money than I did!. These women made a conscious choice to engage in this"profession". I am sure there are circumstances of abuse of women in the sex trades particularly in the third world; but I can't agree that prostitution in and of itself "is a violence against women."I was amazed at the level of education of these people and the fact that they had "legitimate" options to support themselves but chose this line of work. I'm talking about women who held graduate degrees and professional credentials.


Suicide attempts among "escorts" is nearing 75%. If it's so groovy....why do they want to kill themselves?


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Not even remotely your business, OP. And who could blame the guy for not wanting to be with a gaggle of cackling yentas gossiping about him? Awful.


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> How about instead of the dead AIDS riddled porn star, we go with the delicious Mike Holmes of Holmes on Homes fame? :smthumbup:


Looooove that guy!


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

Unsure in Seattle said:


> Not even remotely your business, OP. And who could blame the guy for not wanting to be with a gaggle of cackling yentas gossiping about him? Awful.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Arnold said:


> Delicious? Bright, sounds like you are objectifying this guy.
> I guess we could go with him provided he isadequately feminist.
> 
> And, let's not forget the male victims of prostitution.
> ...


Not objectifying at all. I think he IS delicious because he is smart, serious, determined and darn good at what he does. You picked John Holmes for one reason and one reason only. Who's objectifying whom here?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Suicide attempts among "escorts" is nearing 75%. If it's so groovy....why do they want to kill themselves?


What a pile of crap! Who says suicides among escorts is 75%? How do you even get the denominator? :rofl:

Look, you can object to prostitution on "moral grounds" if you like but to classify it as a violence against women in and of itself is silly. (Also neglects the male prostitutes)


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Unhealthy people pursue unavailable people knowingly.


 :iagree:

Maybe this unavailable guy knows he attracts crazy women....


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> If we view prostitution as violence against women, it makes no sense to legalize or decriminalize prostitution. The primary violence in prostitution is not "social stigma" as some maintain.


The biggest word there, though, is "if," which then proceeds from what can be argued to be a faulty premise, and also appears to exclude the notion of male prostitution (which, at least on its surface, I'll agree appears to have a much smaller presence in the world). Considering, for the moment, though, that I get that we're talking abou female prostitution. That "if" sets up a slippery slippery slope that implies all sex could he considered "violence against women."



> Decriminalizing or legalizing prostitution would normalize and regulate practices which are human rights violations, and which in any other context would be legally actionable (sexual harassment, physical assault, rape, captivity, economic coercion.) or emotionally damaging (verbal abuse).


It would also put prostitution into the very same context as other businesses where, as you say, such treatment is legally actionable. The fact of being a sexually oriented business would not nullify sexual harassment, physical assault, rape, etc.



> I wouldn't date anybody who had values such as that. Of course, many men wouldn't want to date me because I have the values that I have. It works both ways.


And, that's perfectly fair. If I may, however, that appears to also proceed from a potentially false assumption: that anyone who engages a prostitute is guilty of such actions.



> Back to the OP, why are you chasing after a guy who has no interest in you and has said repeatedly that he doesn't want a relationship? Furthermore, why do you want to be with someone so mentally stunted?


Agreed on your first question, here. As for the second, I have to wonder which of the two is mentally stunted: the one who has said in no uncertain terms that he is not looking for a relationship and - by confirmed and rumored actions - abides by that statement, or the person who continues to pursue despite being told outright that there is no interest, even to the point of "snooping" and feeling "betrayed" by not accepting her advances. One of them sounds to he centered, mature and self-aware, even if their actions are ones we might not agree with. The other sounds like a teenager with a sense of entitlement and a crush.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

KanDo said:


> What a pile of crap! Who says suicides among escorts is 75%? How do you even get the denominator? :rofl:
> 
> Look, you can object to prostitution on "moral grounds" if you like but to classify it as a violence against women in and of itself is silly. (Also neglects the male prostitutes)


Prostitutionresearch.com

I also said "attempted" not completed.

I didn't mention males because the OP mentioned that her co-worker visited women. It is also just as violent to men who work in that industry make no mistake about that.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

he probably has a micro penis and like to be kicked in the balls before sex so he pays a dominatrics to humiliate him before he masterbates



just a guess


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Darkhorse said:


> Looooove that guy!


He has a micropenis, however.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Grayson said:


> The biggest word there, though, is "if," which then proceeds from what can be argued to be a faulty premise, and also appears to exclude the notion of male prostitution (which, at least on its surface, I'll agree appears to have a much smaller presence in the world). Considering, for the moment, though, that I get that we're talking abou female prostitution. That "if" sets up a slippery slippery slope that implies all sex could he considered "violence against women."
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I don't think legalizing it would help at all. While it may provide more legal protections for the people who are prostitutes, it certainly doesn't come close to dealing with the larger question and that is why is it acceptable to continue to abuse someone who studies have shown to have been previous victims of all kinds of abuse? At what point are we as a society going to say enough is enough and show some empathy rather than profit or benefit from abusing others? I know it's a hot topic and I don't want to derail the thread any further.
I do have to say I find it odd that an unmarried woman would come to a marriage website and ask the question she did. This is not her husband, not her boyfriend, they aren't dating....they are co-workers and she has no right to know about his sexual past. Her behavior is odd to say the very least. OP, why did you come here?


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

I suspect the OP may be one of those women who abuses prostitutes, bright. As you know, much of the violence is perpetrated by women. Thank God for prostituteresearch.com.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Arnold said:


> I suspect the OP may be one of those women who abuses prostitutes, bright. As you know, much of the violence is perpetrated by women. Thank God for prostituteresearch.com.


just another bullsh*t reashearch org wasting tax dollars. hey if they want to keep getting funding they have to find something.and the more alarming the better funding they get.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Arnold said:


> I suspect the OP may be one of those women who abuses prostitutes, bright. As you know, much of the violence is perpetrated by women. Thank God for prostituteresearch.com.


Really? Women are the ones who perpetuate violence against prostitutes?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Really? Women are the ones who perpetuate violence against prostitutes?


Well if it wasn`t for women there would be no prostitutes!!

None worth paying for anyway.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Really? Women are the ones who perpetuate violence against prostitutes?


Saw it on "Prostitutes Gone Wild 26" hosted by Snoop Dog. Very informative.:smthumbup:


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

tacoma said:


> Well if it wasn`t for women there would be no prostitutes!!
> 
> None worth paying for anyway.


If there weren't sexual abuse/incest/rape/physical abuse at the hands of a man, you wouldn't find many women who prostituted themselves. 
If this is so acceptable, would you want this for your own daughter, sister or mother? Son, brother or father?
I go back to what the OP posted and that the man is so closed off to relationships that prostitution is his "relationship" of choice. A common theme among those who find buying people as an option. It is easier to look in the mirror when you don't see people as human, rather as objects to be bought. 
That being said, I am curious why the OP feels betrayed. She didn't say she felt betrayed because he was abusing her gender, she said she felt betrayed because he wasn't coming to her. Why would she even want this guy? She sounds unstable.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

well, since women abuse, rape(young boys) and engage in incest, with the same frequency as men, why are there not more male prostitutes?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Arnold said:


> well, since women abuse, rape(young boys) and engage in incest, with the same frequency as men, why are there not more male prostitutes?


Where is your data? Yes, rape and incest occurs in boys often however it is more often than not men who are doing this. If women do this as often as men (1 in 4 women being abused/raped), please show me your data. I am not baiting you, I am genuinely interested. :scratchhead:


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> If there weren't sexual abuse/incest/rape/physical abuse at the hands of a man, you wouldn't find many women who prostituted themselves.
> If this is so acceptable, would you want this for your own daughter, sister or mother? Son, brother or father?



I was just trying to lighten the thread up a little brighteyes.
It`s getting kinda off track.

Wasn`t serious, sorry.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Anyway....


The point here is that the guy is doing what he is doing, and it really isn't any of the OP's business. So I wasn't quite sure why she felt betrayed? 

It would be like me feeling betrayed that Cindy Crawford got married. It would all be in my head. No reality involved.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

tacoma said:


> I was just trying to lighten the thread up a little brighteyes.
> It`s getting kinda off track.
> 
> Wasn`t serious, sorry.


Phew! 
Yup, the thread got off track but I think this was a bs post from the beginning. I mean coming to a marriage forum asking about some co-worker who she isn't dating, her boyfriend or married to and feeling betrayed because he doesn't come to her, I mean come on. 
While I find his behavior revolting, hers is borderline stalker. Why waste your time on a guy who has these issues? Maybe he needs to give up the "hobbyist" lifestyle and take up with her. Sounds exciting in a you never know if you are going to get maced in the face kind of excitement. Don't men pay good money for being dominated?


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Where is your data? Yes, rape and incest occurs in boys often however it is more often than not men who are doing this. If women do this as often as men (1 in 4 women being abused/raped), please show me your data. I am not baiting you, I am genuinely interested. :scratchhead:


Data is equivocal, but it does seem that the consensus is that women engage in these acts slightly more frequently than men with a +/-5% margin of error. 
I know, I was blown away by this, too, as I thought the opposite might be true.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Arnold said:


> Data is equivocal, but it does seem that the consensus is that women engage in these acts slightly more frequently than men with a +/-5% margin of error.
> I know, I was blown away by this, too, as I thought the opposite might be true.


From what I have read, your belief doesn't match. If you have actual data, I will read. I have never heard of sexual abuse being equal in that both sexes are predators equally. In fact, I have heard just the opposite with something like 98% being males vs. 2% being women. Where are your actual facts?


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Well, we have contradictory data. 98% male? That is astounding. 
And, how are hemaphrodites classified? That could explain the discrepency.


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## Marque (Nov 8, 2011)

i think the OP is just salty because the guy doesnt want her


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> It's really none of your business what he does in his personal life.
> 
> So I would not bring up the subject since it has nothing to do with you.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree:


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

sandra holmes said:


> I am wanting to ask the guy out. I really like him , want to spend time with him but i guess looking at your opinions i will want to steer clear of his way. Maybe i will be an idiot if i take any step in his direction.thanks all for the replies.


Girl you will chopped up somewhere wishing you stayed clear. He pays so he does not have to invest in getting to know a woman when he only wants to bed them- NOT get to know them.


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

Marque said:


> i think the OP is just salty because the guy doesnt want her


A man that pays for sex and does not get chumy with office women is a challenge she will more than likely feel foolish about if she goes there. He is looking for unattachment. No office romancing in that man. Be glad


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Well,maybe she is like a lot of womenand wants sex with no strings, too. There are plenty prowling for this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Arnold said:


> Well, we have contradictory data. 98% male? That is astounding.
> And, how are hemaphrodites classified? That could explain the discrepency.


Sex crimes are mostly committed by men. Here's some actual data.

Center for Sex Offender Management
A Project of the Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice
http://www.csom.org/pubs/female_sex_offenders_brief.pdf


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

I think a lot of the female on male sex crimes go unreported.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Arnold said:


> I think a lot of the female on male sex crimes go unreported.


It's also a known fact that a lot of male on female sex crimes go unreported.

It's a proven fact that men commit sex crimes at a much higher rate then women do.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> It's also a known fact that a lot of male on female sex crimes go unreported.
> 
> It's a proven fact that men commit sex crimes at a much higher rate then women do.


how can it be proven?

noone knows for sure its best guess at best.

don't see many men killing their babys for another women.

and a rash of female teachers sexually abusing boy students in recent years is telling.

just like women don't masterbate as much as men but reading on here and some of the women who report taking matters into their own hands so to speak indicates that its much closer to being equal in that department.


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