# In health but not in sickness



## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

Just a rant and maybe a bit of sympathy

I'm tired today, didn't sleep very well last night. I'm suffering with a long term cough (going back to Dr in a couple of days.. .again) Nothing serious I don't think, just irritating sometimes. Hubby usually sleeps through it at night. But sometimes he doesn't and last night (like other nights) he just snapped at me, so I went to sleep downstairs on sofa. Slept quite well, but tired today:sleeping:

I can't tell him I've been tired all day (though I will) as I won't get much sympathy He complains that I "drink too much alcohol" (I have a few glasses of wine on a Saturday evening) He's always gone on about alcohol causing colds etc right from when we first met (he's like a broken record)

I dislike it when he's unwell too to be honest. Good thing neither of us has anything serious!:scratchhead: As for COUGHING it's so damn unsociable. I feel fine generally! And it's not persistent, just irritating every now and then.

I'm tired and I just want an early night without him silently looking at the clock and not saying anything, but I know he's disapproving!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

He might be on to something. There are ingredients in wine you could be allergic to. I know anything aged in oak or containing plum, pears, grapes (LOL, just about all wine) will cause allergies in me, I get stuffy and also get a stomach ache that's like birthing pains. I have to drink liquid Benadryl to get the reaction to stop, yes, and you're not supposed to take Benadryl with alcohol.

You might think about getting tested for allergies. That could clear up your cough, and yes, it could be the wine, vs. the act of drinking alcohol. But some people are also allergic to alcohol.


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## Katiebird (Jun 7, 2010)

I doubt that the cough is related to the wine. Usually food allergies show up in different ways . . . rash, difficulty breathing, etc. But if you develop a cough EVERY time you drink wine, it might be worth checking out. When H is sick, I am trying to help him through without being overwhelming - whether it is minor or major illnesses or surgery. The favour is not always returned. Last year when I had a bout of flu and was running a severe temp and was feeling awful he came home and fixed himself dinner. When I got a bit testy about it, he said "Oh, I thought you already ate . . ." He never offered to get me tea or water or anything.


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## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

Well, my hubby will be rubbing his hands together with joy and a satisfied look on his face to know that wine could be giving me allergies!! 

The only thing different since I started coughing (which I have to say is not much, but sounds awful when I do cough) is having a new bed and mattress. 

Maybe I should take piriton or some similar anti allergy remedy I have been known to suffer with hay fever, but never in the form of coughing!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My EX drove by a hospital I was in for evaluation (I'd had allergic anaphylaxis but was having trouble getting a diagnosis of what I'd been through.) He went rock climbing for a weekend with his friends, called and talked to me for about 2 minutes then hung up saying they were having dinner and he couldn't talk, never even told them I'd been very ill and was in the hospital for eval after recovering a bit, and despite me begging, hadn't stopped even to get me a fast food taco to drop off or to see me on the way. I was alone and scared, had to get a brain mri. After his refusal to visit me they added full toxicology tests and therapy just in case. Turned out in addition to severe allergies, I was in an abuse relationship. I got an epi pen and a husbandectomy. 

Allergies are strange things. Mucosal tissue is what reacts to create an allergic response. The throat is full of mucosal tissue. Before my allergies became severe, I had one finger on one hand that would ooze eczema style. *I also had a thing like whooping cough once, that was caused by allergies. *It does sound like your new bed and mattress could be causing problems. It could be one or the other. If I am near birch, even panelling or a cut birch log, I start coughing and phlegm starts running down my throat. Oak not so much but sometimes. Often my Quaker Meeting will forget and use birch instead of maple when I'm there and I just take out my bottle of Benadryl during meeting and slug some down when the coughing starts in. 

*Try putting the mattress in a mattress bag designed specifically for people with allergies. * That might help. You can get them at Bed, Bath & Beyond or sometimes Walmart, Target, Sears, JC Penney. Make sure it's one that is designed for allergies. 

If the coughing goes away when you take Benadryl or Loratadine or Zyrtec, you know you are dealing with an allergy. It doesn't hurt to try. 

Your husband sounds like the irritable type. Geesh, you'd think a grown person could just go sleep on the sofa without commenting on a cough. It's not as though you can control it, duh!

If I get one of those horrible stomach aches from allergies, it goes away within 5 minutes with allergy med.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

DameEdna said:


> Well, my hubby will be rubbing his hands together with joy and a satisfied look on his face to know that wine could be giving me allergies!!


Sorry to hear about your persistent cough! 

Why do you feel that he'd be joyous at the thought of you having allergies to wine? Is it a health thing for him, or is there a history with alcohol of some kind?

My H can't drink wine - really flares up allergies in him. He's tried the organic/preservative free wines and while they have been better, still affect him. He doesn't really like the taste anyway, so there's no love lost.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

DameEdna said:


> He complains that I "drink too much alcohol" (I have a few glasses of wine on a Saturday evening) He's always gone on about alcohol causing colds etc right from when we first met (he's like a broken record)


Why do you think this is?


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Have you looked into gerd?

It caused my son to have bad long term cough. Not hacking away... just one "rough/bark" cough.. then about about a minutes later.. One cough.. etc.

I guess it was the throat being irritated from the GERD. He was coughing to "scratch" this throat. He did NOT have any heartburn feeling, but it was definitely the acid splashing up & irritating him.

Some smells/ foods made it worse. I would think wine/alcohol would make Gerd worse. If he smelled Garlic... It would make the coughing completely go away!!! that was weird!.. but worked.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sometimes people get douchey when their spouse is ill because they want to help/fix things but they can't so they just want the person to get better.


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## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

It could be "GERD" as someone mentioned as I do have heartburn from time to time at night. Better if I've lost a few pounds though (so there's one answer)

Yep, there's a "history" with alcohol. I used to binge drink (not every day) when our kids were little as we were going through a very rough patch and I'd get in a real tearful state after loads of wine. I'm better now my life is more on track. BUT there are times when I have one too many and I can get aggressive (usually verbally) and take it out on my long suffering husband. The kids know what I can be like too. 

So they moan and complain if I drink wine. 

Which is why my hubby would be very GLAD if I was allergic to it and stopped!!:scratchhead:


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

DameEdna said:


> It could be "GERD" as someone mentioned as I do have heartburn from time to time at night. Better if I've lost a few pounds though (so there's one answer)
> 
> Yep, there's a "history" with alcohol. I used to binge drink (not every day) when our kids were little as we were going through a very rough patch and I'd get in a real tearful state after loads of wine. I'm better now my life is more on track. BUT there are times when I have one too many and I can get aggressive (usually verbally) and take it out on my long suffering husband. The kids know what I can be like too.
> 
> ...


Even though you feel you have a better handle on it, any chance you could just stop, period? I'd imagine if moderation wasn't an issue, there wouldn't be the need for moans and complaints?

I know this wasn't the intention of your thread but this part has emerged. Or maybe it was a subconscious intention, who knows, whaddaIknow?....... If there's history and you can get verbally aggressive from time to time, perhaps wine is not your friend. Maybe it's time to let that go?


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

I had a cough on and off for years with reflux - try an OTC antacid and see a doc

And yes, the cough seems like just a symptom of some underlying malaise between you two

TBH i can understand the partner of someone who has had a drinking problem not liking them drinking at all. Can imagine they are on high alert and triggering every time you do it in case you revert to previous behaviour. 

And yes, red wine was a trigger for the reflux and the cough for me so it might not all be in his mind.


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## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

heartsbeating said:


> Even though you feel you have a better handle on it, any chance you could just stop, period? I'd imagine if moderation wasn't an issue, there wouldn't be the need for moans and complaints?
> 
> I know this wasn't the intention of your thread but this part has emerged. Or maybe it was a subconscious intention, who knows, whaddaIknow?....... If there's history and you can get verbally aggressive from time to time, perhaps wine is not your friend. Maybe it's time to let that go?


Not sure I want to stop, but maybe change to drinking cider or beer I get less inebriated with those.


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## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

I have had a brainwave whilst browsing my local Health Food store to top up on some supplements I take. Since my cough has continued I have been taking high dose Echinacea capsules. I stick with the designated dose per day, and sometimes take one or two more. I have read that people who have allergies like hayfever (which I have had in the past, also mild eczema) can have side effects. 

So I'm going to give up the supplements for a week or so and see what happens


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

that_girl said:


> Sometimes people get douchey when their spouse is ill because they want to help/fix things but they can't so they just want the person to get better.


 And sometimes they're just selfish asses who expect their wives to be THEIR maid/mother/nurse, but they have no intention of doing the same.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

And just so you know, if he was bothered by YOU coughing, it should have been HIM leaving the bed. Don't do that next time, ok?


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## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

turnera said:


> And just so you know, if he was bothered by YOU coughing, it should have been HIM leaving the bed. Don't do that next time, ok?


How right that is!!! Very often he does leave the bed. Then I get him complaining of stiffness and tiredness because he's had to sleep on the sofa


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Too bad so sad...


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

If it is Gerd/ reflux problem:

They suggest not lying flat on back. (ie, elevate one end of bed, or sleep in like a recliner chair.) They suggest NO clothing tight on the abdomen. They suggest not eating right before you lay down. (ie, give dinner plenty time to digest with you upright, before attempting to lay flat.). They suggest no alcohol. They suggest no spicy foods (was big thing to overcome for son).

He ended up needing to be on the Omperozole (Prilosec) TWICE a day for several months. Mind you.. this was under doctor's care. Do not attempt without having a doc see if you need a lower dose.

If you have any asthma problems as well, I really suggest talking to the doc about gerd. Not to just try to self medicate with overcounter meds... Because... Long term gerd/reflux problems can cause cancer of esophagus.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

I had the worst sore thoat one time and was not going to let it linger. So I drank 4 shots of burbon. It knocked me out and next morning no sore thoat. 

Nyquil is just like drinking sounthern comfort.

See if that knocks your cough out


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yeah, the old midwives knew a thing or two. 

I STILL give my family whiskey/tea/honey when the cold is coming on.


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## LastDance (Jun 8, 2012)

DameEdna said:


> Not sure I want to stop, but maybe change to drinking cider or beer I get less inebriated with those.


Please read what you wrote here DE And really see it. No one can make you see a problem unless you are good and ready to see one, I know this, but damn if I don't think there is much more to it than you are implying. 

Denial is a strong thing and I have to wonder if you are experiencing it now. Past problems and the kids all "knowing how I get" are huge red flags. Hubby is likely being triggered by even the "few" glasses of wine you have because of your past drinking. And your comment about getting less inebriated while drinking beer or hard cider just seems to further suggest there is more to your drinking than is being said. 

If this in true it is no wonder you aren't getting much sympathy from hubby. After several months of watching and living with my ex drinking most days I had none for him. Why would I have when I could see he was slowly killing himself? Perhaps your hubby feels in a similar way. 

As for you health concerns you have had some good suggestions so I won’t repeat them now. I wish you well and hope you feel better soon.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I was wondering too - if there's not much sympathy because of your behavior with alcohol. Maybe that's more what the issue is here rather than your actual cough. 

You also mentioned that you dislike when he's unwell too. Maybe you're both similar in this way to one another?


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## His_Pixie (Jan 29, 2012)

Are you on any blood pressure medications (in particular, the classification of ACE inhibitors)? They can cause a chronic cough.


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