# What is wrong with my husband?? Is this normal??



## shelly1978 (Nov 30, 2010)

I will try to keep this as brief as i can please take the time to read this because i really need the help.
I have been married to my husband for 10 years and together for almost 11. I have 3 kids who live with us they are 18,16 and 15 and he has a son who is 13 who he has nothing to do with and blames me for it. 
We haven't always had the best marriage when we got married i was a very independent person i was a single mother and i didn't take crap off anyone and he was the same way,i think thats where our problems came from when we first got married. We fought for the first 4 years of our marriage not really alot but very extreme fights. Then we moved into a house that we bought together and things started getting better i used to be a very untrusting person and when we moved i decided to change that and not get upset when he wanted to go out with friends things like that. Well as soon as i did that he started going out everyday but when he came home at supper time i would have supper ready and the house cleaned because i wanted him to know that i was ok with this and just wanted him to be happy and at night we would spend time together and joke around things like that i felt like our marriage was finally coming together only to find out he was cheating on me. He left me in 2006 the day after Christmas i took it very hard whenever he called me he would be very rude and it was mainly just to tell me he was picking things up. After 2 months of being gone he called me and he was so nice and very sad saying he missed us and he wanted to come home so we talked things out and he came home. 
Things were pretty good since then we had our problems but very rarely did we have big fights mainly because instead of arguing with him i would let him rant about me and everything i did wrong and just not say anything and say sorry and then everything would be ok (may not be the ideal way but as i said these fights were not very often once every few months.) Other then that we got along so well there was so much love and we spent so much time together we were truly best friends. 
Then 2 years ago he got into a depression and decided that he didn't want to be with me anymore (again) some people suspected he was having an affair but he was never away from home he would go to work and then come home and be home all night and were he worked was outside and just up the road from our house with lots of people around but he said it was because of his depression he didn't want to be with me,he didn't leave the house he stayed because he said that he thought we needed him and he was still nice to me and everything but just didn't want to be with me well a few months later he got put on medication for his depression and he was a totally different person he used to be so angry and all of a sudden he was sweet and understanding and we ended up back together. 
Which brings me to now,he doesn't like my 16 year old daughter he is not full out mean to her but he has told me several times that he just doesn't like her he says it cause she disrespects him and argues with him all the time and he just can't like her.
Also he goes to work for about 25 hours a week and he comes home and sits on his game he is still really good to me and we don't fight alot but he no longer wants to do anything anymore he comes home sits in the family room plays video games and goes to bed that pretty much it,we are not even able to make ends meet with his income and mine (i work from home) and yet he feels he is intitled to keeping $200 a month for himself just for fun things he wants like cigarrettes or drinking or video games. While i am sitting here in october still wearing sandles cause i can't afford to buy proper shoes but he complains that he doesn't get enough money to himself while i am not even able to fully pay the bills. 
I also think he wants me to be alone ever since moving here 10 years ago (this is his hometown not mine) any friend around here i have made he has been so rude to them that they end up never coming back when i ask him why he does it he says well they are your friends not mine so i don't feel i have to be nice to them. He has friends he goes on hunting trips on the weekend (one of the only times he goes anywhere) and i sit at home alone because i have no friends.
He is a diabetic and has been for several years now and when he goes out on these weekends he drinks and doesn't take care of himself so he ends up with his blood sugars all messed up and comes home sick and cranky and we are the ones who suffer with it. The last straw for me came tonight we made plans for him and my stepfather to put the plastic up on the windows of our house because the windows are drafty and right now we don[t have the money for heat so it is getting very cold in here well his friend called him and asked him to go in the woods and he just breaks his promise to get that done and goes off to the woods and he will come back sick and cranky like always and won't even be able to do anything so this gets put off again and he doesn't even care. I feel like i have had enough. Why is he like this why does he keep me isolated and why doesn't he ever want to get off his butt and do things why is everything all my fault. I mean in between time he is very very good to me and does sweet things like hugs and kisses,love notes and things like that but i am tired of him also thinking only of what he wants. Part of me wants to leave him and part of me doesn't. What can i do to make this better?


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

So he's cheated on you, an has learned that he can pretty much do whatever he feels like without regard for you.

Personally I find men who don't care enough to keep their children in their lives to be lacking in character.

If you wanted to you could try an ultimatum. But you would have to mean it and follow through. Counselling and serious effort on his part, and true remorse.

Other wise just move on.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

He stays because he gets away with murder! He keeps $200 to himself for play money when you can't pay the bills? He ditches a promise to your dad to go out hunting! He works 25 hours a week and then sits and plays games. He goes out with friends as he wishes. He isolates you from your friends. 
You have to change. He is very selfish and self centered. You need to really wonder if you are better off with him, or without him. 
He's along for an easy ride. You have to start demanding more out of him, and if he won't be a grown up then get rid of him.


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

Do you work outside the home? It seems to me that you need to have your own finances. If you have your own money it will open up options for you and it will also make you have more "status" in his eyes.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

*LittleDeer* said:


> So he's cheated on you, an has learned that he can pretty much do whatever he feels like without regard for you.
> 
> Personally I find men who don't care enough to keep their children in their lives to be lacking in character.
> 
> ...


:iagree:








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## BundleofGuilt (Oct 22, 2012)

Leave him NOW! He is using you and using your guilt to get away with what he wants.


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## bonnie&clyde (Oct 9, 2012)

Im sorry this is happening to you I some what have a similar situation my husband of 3 years has shut down completely we no longer sleep in the same be we no longer go out we no longer act as a couple but we just had a baby and Im just so unhappy although he hasnt cheated and he does work. He plays video games all day. I have to argue at him about cleaning up. He never wants to go anywhere or have quality time at home. When I ask him why is he here he says he is here becausce he wants to. I respond by telling him he acts single like he is in this marriage in this house byhimself. Im not sure why men act the way they do. I just think a man should be a man. How could he let your finances and his household go down. I think you should concentrate on getting your money up and finding a way to leave him and provide for only you and your kids.


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