# Im a recovering Porn Addict and my wife is/has been unfaithful - advice please!!!



## BXPhoto (Nov 27, 2011)

Ok let me put some background about us in as short as possible of a way which makes sense.

We've been together for 7 years and married for 3. We conceived out first child about month after meeting. Right at about the 1.5 year mark we separated for about a month and she slept with a guy I knew. She did not tell me the truth about it till after we had gotten back together and gotten engaged. At this point I had alot of built up frustration, anger, jealousy and started to use porn at mild amounts. A few years later we had another pregnancy and we just werent financially ready for a 2nd child at that moment, so she had an abortion. During this process she suffered extreme depression and started to talk to another ex of hers via email and was planning on leaving me to move in with him. I caught them via a keylogger and confronted her and him. It ended right there but at that point she was telling me she wasn't happy.

Fast forward to 2 years ago and we have a 2nd beautiful baby girl. At this point my porn addiction was pretty bad and I was still mad inside for her E/A's. I was honestly not a very affectionate person at all. She began to have another E/A via an online game. Even went as far as meeting him and planning again on leaving me. Once again they are caught with my Keylogger as its for my sons safety and also my own distrust. 

We make it past the incident but I still have my Porn Addiction. She has also developed an addiction to online gaming and has a ton of GUY FRIENDS. I recently came to god with my P/A and am now seeking help. I realize now that my porn addiction is what caused me to push her away and to not be intimate with her for years now. 

Today due to the rescession I had to leave our home and travel 2500 miles away to work. I finally confessed about my porn addiction and she is badly hurt buy it. She now knows that it wasnt her(or her looks) it was me. She has once again confessed about seeking affection online. But not meeting anyone or anything like that, simply confiding about our problems to other people. Im going home in a few weeks and she has decided to take counseling with me. 

I feel as though I should have forgiven her long before and let go of my anger. And I also wish that she would have caught me or I would have been able to acknowledge my addiction to porn. We've pushed each other away for years now and Im hoping that we can make it through this. I haven't been affectionate/romantic in years. 

So guys any advice on rekindling romance into our relationship? It may not solve all of our problems, but it will help if I can find a way to become intimate with her again. I have been attending church and counseling on my own and finally gotten past our past. I've also been porn free for a month and my natural sex drive is back and back with a vengence...

PORN = EVIL~~~!!!


Sorry for the long first post... just had sooo much to say...


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

There are two types of female gamers. 

Those that attract a lot of male attention in a sexual way. These girls dont necessarily do anything to attract the attention, but lonely guys who spend there time wrapped up in a fantasy realm will start flirting with a female voice on the other end of their computer.
Sooooo many times I have witnessed what was innocent on the female part, to become not so innocent. They eventually start flirting back, and Ive heard a lot of these women do end up sending "boob shots" to these kind of guys.

The second type of female gamer is the one who, through no fault of her own, is constantly being abused by males, for being a female gamer.

Obviously there is a third type, which wouldnt fit either of the two descriptions above, and I suppose it has a lot to do with the types of guys she plays with.

So FYI, if there were EA's in the past, online gaming will potentially allow this to happen again. Personally I would see this as a huge problem.


In regards to your porn addiction, and Im speaking from experience, you need to stop blaming the porn. Porn is just an outlet, a symptom of something going on inside you. There is an aspect of reality you cannot handle and therefore turn to porn. Its just a way for you to hide and forget about something for a short while. But, because its only a temporary escape, you do it often, hence the "addiction" part.

I would suggest you see porn as a symptom and not a cause of anything. Find the cause and you can overcome it.

Also, a lot of guys suffer from porn addiction, it really is a little more common than you'd think. It takes a lot of time to overcome, so dont beat yourself up over it.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

BXPhoto said:


> Ok let me put some background about us in as short as possible of a way which makes sense.
> 
> We've been together for 7 years and married for 3. We conceived out first child about month after meeting. Right at about the 1.5 year mark we separated for about a month and she slept with a guy I knew. She did not tell me the truth about it till after we had gotten back together and gotten engaged. At this point I had alot of built up frustration, anger, jealousy and started to use porn at mild amounts. A few years later we had another pregnancy and we just werent financially ready for a 2nd child at that moment, so she had an abortion. During this process she suffered extreme depression and started to talk to another ex of hers via email and was planning on leaving me to move in with him. I caught them via a keylogger and confronted her and him. It ended right there but at that point she was telling me she wasn't happy.
> 
> ...


Wow you brought two children into this dysfunction?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Your timeline is not clear.

1.5 years into your marriage or into the 7-year relationship?


Also, porn addiction and your wife's affairs are 2 separate issues in the sense that your wife's affairs is not caused by your porn addiction. She was clearly in the beginning of the relationship ready to cheat and did.


Maybe, you may want to consider having your kids DNA tested for paternity?


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## BXPhoto (Nov 27, 2011)

Thanks for the reply. My wife and I both play Call of Duty and games of that type. She has joined clans and taken the gaming friends ships to facebook and even text messaging. 

And honestly though my porn use was the main cause for me not being able to perform/be intimate with her thus pushing her away or making her feel unattractive or that I was cheating on her. 

She came from a broken home and also had incest in her past. Which led to a messed up lifestyle of trying stripping and even a short sting in the adult industry. So she has a real hard time communicating/trusting men. I was the reason she was able to leave her old life behind and my family took her in as family. But I feel as though her past and my problem is our biggest hurdle. I feel if I can be more affectionate towards her it would go a long way to gaining back some of her feelings towards me.


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## BXPhoto (Nov 27, 2011)

aug said:


> Your timeline is not clear.
> 
> 1.5 years into your marriage or into the 7-year relationship?
> 
> ...


Yes I have considered having my son tested, but my daughter for sure is mine. The reality is at this point I dont care, he is my son and I love him to death. 1.5 years into the 7 years of our relationship is when we seperated and she had a SA. I honestly really want for us to both see counseling and to work it out for the sake of our children. But your right, she has never been a faithful person. I just hope with work, she can learn to respect a marriage.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

BXPhoto said:


> Thanks for the reply. My wife and I both play Call of Duty and games of that type. She has joined clans and taken the gaming friends ships to facebook and even text messaging.
> 
> And honestly though my porn use was the main cause for me not being able to perform/be intimate with her thus pushing her away or making her feel unattractive or that I was cheating on her.
> 
> She came from a broken home and also had incest in her past. Which led to a messed up lifestyle of trying stripping and even a short sting in the adult industry. So she has a real hard time communicating/trusting men. I was the reason she was able to leave her old life behind and my family took her in as family. But I feel as though her past and my problem is our biggest hurdle. I feel if I can be more affectionate towards her it would go a long way to gaining back some of her feelings towards me.


I think she would make more progress if she can admit she has problems and has the intention of fixing them. Like alcoholics, the first step is to realize and admit there's a problem. 

Is there a competent counselor she can go see?


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## BXPhoto (Nov 27, 2011)

aug said:


> I think she would make more progress if she can admit she has problems and has the intention of fixing them. Like alcoholics, the first step is to realize and admit there's a problem.
> 
> Is there a competent counselor she can go see?


She did admit to me today that she had a problem with both gaming and seeking attention/affection when our relationship goes sour. Although she says she really just wants to be alone. Im just happy that she has actually agreed to do MC with me. I also feel a ton better finally telling her about my addiction. Whether we make it or not I know I will be in a better place with out porn in my life.


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## BXPhoto (Nov 27, 2011)

Pretty sure she is still having an EA online through gaming on PSN and through instant messaging. Pretty sure now that once I get back home to Las Vegas from the east coast in a few weeks, im going to pack her bags and put her in a small apartment by herself. Then probably file for divorce..... Also taking back the fancy new Acura I pay for and buy her some cash car~ 

Sorry just so upset right now~


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## Sindo (Oct 29, 2011)

You may want to send a request to a mod to move this thread to the "Coping with Infidelity" section. You'll probably get more helpful responses there.


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## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

If you are both wanting to repair the marriage, I would not give up hope yet. It sounds like you are both coping with your own kinds of brokeness, but if you are mature enough to see your own shortcomings and work on those, while supporting your partner while they work on theirs, then you might find a new and more secure basis for your marriage relationship. There are tons of books and websites out there that can be of help...I suggest a book callled "Becoming One" by a guy named Joe Beam.

Peace and grace....


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## Patricia B. Pina (Nov 22, 2011)

She cheated on you. That has nothing to do with your porn addiction.
You need to get a divorce.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> There are two types of female gamers.
> 
> Those that attract a lot of male attention in a sexual way. These girls dont necessarily do anything to attract the attention, but lonely guys who spend there time wrapped up in a fantasy realm will start flirting with a female voice on the other end of their computer.
> Sooooo many times I have witnessed what was innocent on the female part, to become not so innocent. They eventually start flirting back, and Ive heard a lot of these women do end up sending "boob shots" to these kind of guys.
> ...


i dislike guys just like you, huge problem is it for girl gamers really, ooohhhhh sniff sniff yeah thats the smell of total bull****.

So what are you suggesting stopping her from gaming, that sounds like control to me. i am sure she could show self control.

sends a T/A pic 

no i think the problem is or was his porn addiction as he wasn't paying her any attention at all, his fault.



Patricia B. Pina said:


> She cheated on you. That has nothing to do with your porn addiction.
> You need to get a divorce.


It has everything to do with it, he needs to ditch the porn till he can get in touch with reality.


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