# Should I tell my wife???



## bigpete1 (Jul 27, 2021)

I'm a 34 year old man, my wife and I have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. Our marriage is great, the sex is amazing, and I really couldn't be happier. Now enter 6 months ago. I was away on business and was staying in a hotel where I met another guy who was staying in my hotel who just happens to live about 30 minutes from me. He too is married with kids, but his is a very little sex marriage. We talked for quite awhile about all of that stuff when all of the sudden he asks me if I had even been interested in being with a guy. I didn't know what to say, but something inside of me started buzzing and I heard myself say yes. Next thing I know, we're up in my room and I'm giving him oral and then he bends me over and proceeds to have sex with me. I felt horrible afterwards, but yet I loved it. I ended up giving him oral twice and letting him have sex with me three more times over the course of the week we were both in that hotel. Since we live so close to each other, we have been meeting once or twice per week to play around since we got home too. I have also found 3 other married men whom I will give oral to or let them have sex with me so I'm actually doing this 4-5 times per week. I love the feeling of it all. The men I have sex with always wear a condom. We're pretty exclusive to each other, but just want to be safe. I have been rationalizing it as something that my wife physically cannot do for me but yet I feel like I am still cheating on her and need to come clean. But if I do that, it will most definitely mean a divorce. I have no feeling for these guys, it's just me giving them something they aren't getting at home and me getting something that my wife cannot. I love my wife and enjoy her in every way, so I do not want to lose her. What should I do? Should I tell her, or just keep on as I have been?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I rolled my eyes so hard it actually hurt


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## bigpete1 (Jul 27, 2021)

bobert said:


> I rolled my eyes so hard it actually hurt


Dude, I honestly didn't mean for this to happen. It's like I'm addicted to it now. I'm being very serious about this.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

bigpete1 said:


> Dude, I honestly didn't mean for this to happen. It's like I'm addicted to it now. I'm being very serious about this.


Yes tell your wife. Maybe she would want to join y’all.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@bigpete1 You should stop cheating. Then confess to your wife and you need to have STD checks.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

First you need to accept that you are in fact, gay.
Next, of course you tell your wife that you are gay.
Thirdly, tell her that you cheated on her and both of you get STD checks if you have slept with her since the first encounter.


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## TheGoodFather (Feb 12, 2021)

You do not just wake up one day in your 30s and realize you are into men. I'm quite sure that the thoughts of you being gay must have crossed your mind more than once when you were younger but instead of confronting it, you ignored it and pushed it down the deepest place in your mind. Now, it resurfaced with a vengeance. Divorce your wife and live out your life as a gay person. You will be happier but might not be fulfilled and content. It would be the best for both of you. Honesty is an integral part of good marriage. Your wife deserves that.


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

Yes should tell her immediately so she can get to a doctor and be tested. You could be passing diseases to your wife that could affect her health forever. What you are doing is terrible. Cheating is the worst thing that can happen in a marriage it doesn't matter if its gay or not.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

This has to be a joke.

How is this not cheating? You are screwing strangers. Having the same anatomy is a moot point and doesn’t make it any less of an affair/cheating.

What a nightmare you’ve created for your wife.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Yes you need to tell your wife, you need to tell her that she is in fact married to a gay man. You need to tell her so that SHE can decide if she wants to stay married to said gay man. You need to tell her so that she can be tested for STD's.

You need to tell her.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Willnotbill said:


> You could be passing diseases to your wife that could affect her health forever.


Exactly. OP you have no right to do this.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

bigpete1 said:


> I'm a 34 year old man, my wife and I have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. Our marriage is great, the sex is amazing, and I really couldn't be happier. Now enter 6 months ago. I was away on business and was staying in a hotel where I met another guy who was staying in my hotel who just happens to live about 30 minutes from me. He too is married with kids, but his is a very little sex marriage. We talked for quite awhile about all of that stuff when all of the sudden he asks me if I had even been interested in being with a guy. I didn't know what to say, but something inside of me started buzzing and I heard myself say yes. Next thing I know, we're up in my room and I'm giving him oral and then he bends me over and proceeds to have sex with me. I felt horrible afterwards, but yet I loved it. I ended up giving him oral twice and letting him have sex with me three more times over the course of the week we were both in that hotel. Since we live so close to each other, we have been meeting once or twice per week to play around since we got home too. I have also found 3 other married men whom I will give oral to or let them have sex with me so I'm actually doing this 4-5 times per week. I love the feeling of it all. The men I have sex with always wear a condom. We're pretty exclusive to each other, but just want to be safe. I have been rationalizing it as something that my wife physically cannot do for me but yet I feel like I am still cheating on her and need to come clean. But if I do that, it will most definitely mean a divorce. I have no feeling for these guys, it's just me giving them something they aren't getting at home and me getting something that my wife cannot. I love my wife and enjoy her in every way, so I do not want to lose her. What should I do? Should I tell her, or just keep on as I have been?


Understand that I am the poly guy here, the one that is all about being able to have multiple intimate relationships, be they emotion based or sex based or both, at the same time. Keep that in mind as I tell you:

You. Are. Cheating.

There is no other way around it. This is _non_-ethical non-monogamy. Keep in mind that I am *not *calling you to task for the sex with the other men in and of itself. What I am talking about is the fact that you hid this from your wife, and continue to hide it. You have now done damage that may cause you to lose your wife. It would be different if you told her right away, and confessed to how it took you by surprise as well. I, personally, am more willing to forgive a slip admitted to right away, than a secret kept for a long time. And this is something that she should know about. If you had done this prior to being married, then that would be your business. But this was during your marriage to her. For all you know, she might have been alright with this, as she wouldn't see other men as direct competition to her. But even that might now be out the window because you kept it from her.

My only advice is to come clean, and to take the consequences. You earned them. Maybe you'll get lucky and she won't leave you over this. But don't bank on it. But it is far better to bring this out into the open than to let this fester until she finds out on her own. It will be much worse then.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

manfromlamancha said:


> First you need to accept that you are in fact, gay.
> Next, of course you tell your wife that you are gay.
> Thirdly, tell her that you cheated on her and both of you get STD checks if you have slept with her since the first encounter.





TheGoodFather said:


> You do not just wake up one day in your 30s and realize you are into men. I'm quite sure that the thoughts of you being gay must have crossed your mind more than once when you were younger but instead of confronting it, you ignored it and pushed it down the deepest place in your mind. Now, it resurfaced with a vengeance. Divorce your wife and live out your life as a gay person. You will be happier but might not be fulfilled and content. It would be the best for both of you. Honesty is an integral part of good marriage. Your wife deserves that.





frusdil said:


> Yes you need to tell your wife, you need to tell her that she is in fact married to a gay man. You need to tell her so that SHE can decide if she wants to stay married to said gay man. You need to tell her so that she can be tested for STD's.
> 
> You need to tell her.


Not gay, bi. He is bisexual, because he is still attracted to and active with his wife.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

bigpete1 said:


> I have been rationalizing it as something that my wife physically cannot do for me but yet I feel like I am still cheating on her and need to come clean. But if I do that, it will most definitely mean a divorce.


Your rationalization is garbage. You've never heard of pegging? If a bi man in a monogamous marriage to a woman wants anal his wife can provide if she's willing. So, yeah, your rationalization doesn't hold water.



bigpete1 said:


> I love my wife and enjoy her in every way, so I do not want to lose her. What should I do? Should I tell her, or just keep on as I have been?


If you loved her you wouldn't be cheating on her. 

If you truly didn't want to lose her you wouldn't be cheating on her with multiple men because that is how you lose someone.

Maybe you need to examine your feelings because your actions don't say you love and want to remain married to your wife. Your actions say you like your wife, love your life, love the stability and security of having a spouse, but actually want to be a single man screwing whoever he pleases.

Yes, you tell her. You have the barest and most basic respect for her as a human and you tell her you've been lying to her, you've cheated on her with multiple men, and that she needs to get STD tested. She's endangering her health and making life decisions based on the lie you've made her marriage and her life. You owe her the truth. You throw yourself on your sword and accept responsibility for your actions. You've had quite a few dances, so time to pay the piper.

And, btw, I'm saying this as someone who shamelessly cheated during my first marriage. At least I didn't lie about it or try to claim I loved him while I was doing it. Jeeze.


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## boonez40 (Jun 11, 2021)

Some things just can't be unread. 
I realize now that my marriage is not as screwed up as I thought it was. 

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk


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## abigailla (Jul 14, 2021)

Perhaps you are bisexual and you should accept this fact and tell your wife very carefully. I hope she understands you


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## perashlie (Jul 14, 2021)

I think you should talk to your wife directly.


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## TurnedTurtle (May 15, 2019)

I was looking at something in another poster's signature line, and it reminded me of the signature line I used on another site -- which I have added to my profile here, and is a warning I offer to the OP:

"Secrets have a cost, they're not free, not now, not ever!"

(For reference this was Peter Parker's mother talking to Peter in a Spiderman movie...)


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

It doesn’t matter who your f’ing .... your just a cheater plain and simple.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If course you are cheating, what would you call it? Not only that but with multiple men.
Please please tell your poor wife and stop having sex with her immediately. You may have already given her an std or even aids. How incredibly selfish you have been. She needs to be fully tested and yes she may well divorce you if she has any sense, especially as you seem to have no intention of stopping the cheating and are desperately trying to justify it. Lying and deception are also horrible things to do.
Do the right thing and tell her. If you really loved her you would not have treated her so badly.


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## Enigmatic (Jul 16, 2021)

bigpete1 said:


> I really couldn't be happier.


Apparently you _could_ be happier:



bigpete1 said:


> I loved it. I ended up giving him oral twice and letting him have sex with me three more times over the course of the week we were both in that hotel. Since we live so close to each other, we have been meeting once or twice per week to play around since we got home too. I have also found 3 other married men whom I will give oral to or let them have sex with me so I'm actually doing this 4-5 times per week. I love the feeling of it all.


Sounds compulsive.



bigpete1 said:


> What should I do? Should I tell her, or just keep on as I have been?


Do you really have to ask? You are breaking your marriage vows and putting both you and your wife at risk for STIs. You realise that mouth and throat cancers are on the rise as a result of HPV transmitted through oral sex, right?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

LOL.

I'm going to wait here for the next installment in The Adventures of Pete ...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Would you want your wife to tell you if she was having sex with 4 men?


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

Your M is over. Done with. Your wife has no idea who you are. There isn't even a smidgen of a chance that she knows what you are up to. 

Please, for your wife's sake: never touch her again. You're unsafe in every way. 
At this point it's clear you're a latent gay at the very least. That first man probably could sense that. 
You jumped on the opportunity when he offered things. It was a trigger for you and you just had to act. 
He was in a sexless marriage since he's essentially gay and didn't care about it anymore. 

From what you have posted, it's time to free your W (expect her to be shocked beyond what you can imagine) from your life and with your desires. At this point you should break it off with W and go off and enjoy gay bliss with your hookups. The damage is already done. It's your life, but please be fair to your W who has no idea what's she's living with. 

As far as any question about is this cheating, I won't give that the dignity of a response.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Would you want your wife to tell you if she was having sex with 4 men?


To be equivalent to the OP's situation, she would have to having sex with 4 married women, not men.


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## MelanieGreham (Jul 28, 2021)

perashlie said:


> I think you should talk to your wife directly.


@bigpete1, you should talk to your wife. You should stop or save relationship


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

maquiscat said:


> To be equivalent to the OP's situation, she would have to having sex with 4 married women, not men.


Either way its cheating with 4 people.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Someone I knew years ago @bigpete1 did exactly what you did. 

He was also a big person, about 6 foot. 

Eventually he left his wife for his male lover and his wife ended up in a lesbian relationship.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

has little to do with this topic but 
they say there is a part of gay in all of us , some men I see I have a hard time believing that they are not gay , 
they just seem to much like men taped in a relationship with a wife and kids 

they say this is why most us men are so afraid of other men been close and that women have a better contact with their bi side ,
any way cheating is not right 
cheating on your wife and your self true self ,


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## boonez40 (Jun 11, 2021)

Maybe he is not gay or bi, maybe he wants his wife to peg him. 

I say, buy her a strap on and get busy with her. 

Some of us are confident heterosexual, we know we are not gay or bi. Other are not confident, they are afraid they will be tempted, try it and like it. 

I, for one, know I am not attracted to men, I tried it once and did not like it. So there is no sense in asking me stupid questions on how do I know I am not gay or bi. 

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Either way its cheating with 4 people.


Granted, but as a man, he might have less issue if she was cheating with women than with men. Such is the way with some men.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

boonez40 said:


> Maybe he is not gay or bi, maybe he wants his wife to peg him.
> 
> I say, buy her a strap on and get busy with her.
> 
> ...


Reminds me of a time while in the Navy. We had this guy who, when we were on midwatches, would ask everyone who came into the area for the first time (usually E3's and below looking for quals) "Are you gay?". Keep in mind that this was the 90's. Naturally, they guy says "No!"

"Well, have you tried it?"

"Of course not."

"Then how do you know you don't like it?"

After that the kids usually responded along the lines of have you tried it? To which he would respond that he had and didn't like it, and even tries it once every couple of year to be sure. The rest of us would usually claim we were the same.

I think I was the only one who stumped him when he tried it on me, when I first got to the boat. I responded to the how do you know you don't like it question with, "Well I might like it, but since I also like women as well, I would then be bi, not gay." It threw him for a loop.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

maquiscat said:


> Reminds me of a time while in the Navy. We had this guy who, when we were on midwatches, would ask everyone who came into the area for the first time (usually E3's and below looking for quals) "Are you gay?". Keep in mind that this was the 90's. Naturally, they guy says "No!"
> 
> "Well, have you tried it?"
> 
> ...


There are some things we know we don't like or want without having to try them aren't there.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

maquiscat said:


> Granted, but as a man, he might have less issue if she was cheating with women than with men. Such is the way with some men.


Yes but either way it's still adultery.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*MODERATOR WARNING:- Knock off the "troll shaming" replies.

If you think a story isn't genuine, report it, but don't call people out as a troll. It's against the forum rules.*


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## Skookaroo (Jul 12, 2021)

I’ve never heard the question, “Should I tell my wife___?” that the answer wasn’t an obvious yes. You’ve turned her life into a lie and risked her health. She deserves the opportunity to make her own choices based on the truth.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

manfromlamancha said:


> First you need to accept that you are in fact, gay.
> Next, of course you tell your wife that you are gay.
> Thirdly, tell her that you cheated on her and both of you get STD checks if you have slept with her since the first encounter.


it sounds like he is Bisexual.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> it sounds like he is Bisexual.


It's amazing the number of people here who can't comprehend this basic concept. Either that or have some sexist view that only women can be bisexual and men are either straight or gay.


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## TurnedTurtle (May 15, 2019)

And what about the men who are asexual? (too...)


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You are definitely cheating on her and destroying your marriage. I mean, if this is a direction you see yourself as having to pursue, you should just divorce and not let it all fester.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

maquiscat said:


> It's amazing the number of people here who can't comprehend this basic concept. Either that or have some sexist view that only women can be bisexual and men are either straight or gay.


Just strictly from what I've seen over my lifetime, I think if men go both ways, they'll be happier overall with other men, but I had one close friend who married women twice despite being mainly gay, and best I could tell, it was for the nurturing and comfort. But then he felt trapped.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Just strictly from what I've seen over my lifetime, I think if men go both ways, they'll be happier overall with other men, but I had one close friend who married women twice despite being mainly gay, and best I could tell, it was for the nurturing and comfort. But then he felt trapped.


I'm not trying to deny that there are homosexuals out there who try to force themselves (sometimes subconsciously) to be straight. They still exist today despite the more accepting social environment. But it's like there is this denial that men can go both ways. Like somehow gay is more acceptable than bi.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

maquiscat said:


> I'm not trying to deny that there are homosexuals out there who try to force themselves (sometimes subconsciously) to be straight. They still exist today despite the more accepting social environment. But it's like there is this denial that men can go both ways. Like somehow gay is more acceptable than bi.


This particular guy was way more attracted to men and only was attracted to women with really big boobs. I definitely know there is such a thing as bi. I had a lot of bi friends when I was younger, one of whom I still know. He has the old problem of always being attracted to someone who isn't necessarily attracted back though and only wants to be friends.

But yeah, there are definitely still and always have been homosexuals and bi people out there who fight against it. I think nearly all of them do when they're young and let it just takes a long time for them to come to terms with it. Of course they also need to do some exploration to be sure. 

When I was in my thirties I had this young guy hanging around acting like he was my boyfriend who I knew was gay right away, but he was miles away from accepting that. He would have nightmares about sex. He was a mess. I wonder if he ever did work up the nerve to have sex with anybody. I couldn't figure out where is Big block was because I met his mom and she didn't seem extreme in any way. Neither did his brother. I think his dreams were a little religious so maybe it was from something religious. A waste of his youth.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

maquiscat said:


> Like somehow gay is more acceptable than bi.


Easier to accept, I think. People like things evaluated, sorted, and filed. For the most part, we like security and certainty, so we like having a category for everything and for everything to fit neatly into that category so we know how to think of it, how to feel about it, and what it's place in the world is. Bisexuals screw up the categories because they don't fit under Hetero or ****.


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

Your wife deserves to know, for her own sexual health at the very least.
You have suddenly realized that you are at they very least no-curious. Your wife had the right to know that, do she can decide if it's something that she can accept. Not all women are okay with their husbands ending in sex acts with other men.
That is not a choice you get to make for her. 
You are deciding her, for your own selfish resins. If you love her, she deserves more respect than you are showing her. You can want what you want, just be honest about it. It really is the only fair, and morally right, thing to do for your wife.


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## Loveisblindness (Aug 24, 2021)

bigpete1 said:


> Dude, I honestly didn't mean for this to happen. It's like I'm addicted to it now. I'm being very serious about this.


Why is it that cheaters always say I didn't mean for this to happen. You invited him up to your room. Of course you meant it to happen. You just didn't realize how much you would enjoy it. You're gay. Tell your wife and get a divorce.


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## Noneofyourdamnbizz (Sep 16, 2021)

bigpete1 said:


> I'm a 34 year old man, my wife and I have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. Our marriage is great, the sex is amazing, and I really couldn't be happier. Now enter 6 months ago. I was away on business and was staying in a hotel where I met another guy who was staying in my hotel who just happens to live about 30 minutes from me. He too is married with kids, but his is a very little sex marriage. We talked for quite awhile about all of that stuff when all of the sudden he asks me if I had even been interested in being with a guy. I didn't know what to say, but something inside of me started buzzing and I heard myself say yes. Next thing I know, we're up in my room and I'm giving him oral and then he bends me over and proceeds to have sex with me. I felt horrible afterwards, but yet I loved it. I ended up giving him oral twice and letting him have sex with me three more times over the course of the week we were both in that hotel. Since we live so close to each other, we have been meeting once or twice per week to play around since we got home too. I have also found 3 other married men whom I will give oral to or let them have sex with me so I'm actually doing this 4-5 times per week. I love the feeling of it all. The men I have sex with always wear a condom. We're pretty exclusive to each other, but just want to be safe. I have been rationalizing it as something that my wife physically cannot do for me but yet I feel like I am still cheating on her and need to come clean. But if I do that, it will most definitely mean a divorce. I have no feeling for these guys, it's just me giving them something they aren't getting at home and me getting something that my wife cannot. I love my wife and enjoy her in every way, so I do not want to lose her. What should I do? Should I tell her, or just keep on as I have been?





bigpete1 said:


> I'm a 34 year old man, my wife and I have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. Our marriage is great, the sex is amazing, and I really couldn't be happier. Now enter 6 months ago. I was away on business and was staying in a hotel where I met another guy who was staying in my hotel who just happens to live about 30 minutes from me. He too is married with kids, but his is a very little sex marriage. We talked for quite awhile about all of that stuff when all of the sudden he asks me if I had even been interested in being with a guy. I didn't know what to say, but something inside of me started buzzing and I heard myself say yes. Next thing I know, we're up in my room and I'm giving him oral and then he bends me over and proceeds to have sex with me. I felt horrible afterwards, but yet I loved it. I ended up giving him oral twice and letting him have sex with me three more times over the course of the week we were both in that hotel. Since we live so close to each other, we have been meeting once or twice per week to play around since we got home too. I have also found 3 other married men whom I will give oral to or let them have sex with me so I'm actually doing this 4-5 times per week. I love the feeling of it all. The men I have sex with always wear a condom. We're pretty exclusive to each other, but just want to be safe. I have been rationalizing it as something that my wife physically cannot do for me but yet I feel like I am still cheating on her and need to come clean. But if I do that, it will most definitely mean a divorce. I have no feeling for these guys, it's just me giving them something they aren't getting at home and me getting something that my wife cannot. I love my wife and enjoy her in every way, so I do not want to lose her. What should I do? Should I tell her, or just keep on as I have been?


Your tooooo messy


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

There was this one time when I was herding sheep 🐑 in Montana...... Never mind......😏


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

any chance you can dump the solo gay hookups, and find a clean reliable Bi male for some MFM fun to include your wife? You can still enjoy oral and anal gay sex, but with her participating in it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> any chance you can dump the solo gay hookups, and find a clean reliable Bi male for some MFM fun to include your wife? You can still enjoy oral and anal gay sex, but with her participating in it.


Most wives would be very much against this suggestion. Not surprisingly.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Most wives would be very much against this suggestion. Not surprisingly.


hey i am grasping at straws here. even if it is only aa 5% chance, instead of her kicking the OP out on the street.....


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