# New here



## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi, I'm new here. I've been dealing with a cheating husand now for 6 months. As with any cheater he claims to be innocent even though he can not provide one shred of evidence to his innocence. The photos of him with his gf were not what they seem, the refusal of cell phone records, removing me from bank accounts and so on don't prove anything in his opinion. After 20 years of marriage I filed for a divorce a month ago. The past 6 months of my life have been hell and I am so tired of the emotional rollercoaster but I don't think I am any near getting off this awful ride. 

I'm hoping to make friends here and gain some support from members that have been through this situation.


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## casemx (Feb 1, 2012)

Sorry to hear about your situation. I just joined a few days ago and can tell you the people here are awesome. Everybody here has been a huge help. It's been a help to know i'm not alone.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

First of all welcome. We also have gone through the hell that you have been going through for the last 6 months and I can tell with all certainty that no matter what the outcome *YOU WILL MAKE IT!*. Count on it.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

Thanks for the welcome! I am so tired of bouncing from one emotion to the other. All the lies and excuses as to why we should no longer be married. I am unemployed and my H makes plenty of money, he could have filed for a divorce months ago but he didn't. I scraped, saved ever penny along with financial help from my friends to file for a divorce. My H didn't even respond to the divorce petition when he has been the person that wanted the divorce! I don't get him at all, maybe I never did. He claims to have lost himself and he needs space. His gf is 14 years younger than him. Yeah, well I didn't just fall out of tree last night!


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

The only thing you can control is yourself. Get help. Medically, legally, and emotionally. If you are serious about divorce take your husband for everything he is worth. He cheated. 

There will be a brighter day for you.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

In a community property state, you are entitled to half of what he made and vice versa. It's the law and he has to comply, whether he likes it or not.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

There is a "Going Through Divorce" board on this site that should be helpful.

Good luck.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

Thanks for the replies. One of the hardest things to deal with in this situation is knowing that he is a liar and a cheat. The fact that he has so easily walked away from our family. We have 4 sons, two of them have nothing to do with him, one is on the fence and the other (my stepson) is all about daddy since he is old enough to go drinking and to strip clubs now. All the boys of age, but they have never known him to be a party man and that seems to be what he is these days. Hubby should look in the mirror, he's not looking that good these days. Just you can't run with the big dogs if you pee like a puppy. He really just pisses me off to no end!


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## str8insane (Jan 30, 2012)

Welcome my friend..i am going thru the exact situation as yourself rite now too..my hubbys gf is only 23yrs old..he is 37..we've been maried 14yrs..i just found out too..im at a lost on thoughts & words..im so down,i've lost motivation to go outside or talk to family.i feel they dont support my side becuz they love my husband.my family tells me to stay with him - he is just a man with needs.my sisters tell me maybe he cheated becuz of his deployments..army..well i didnt cheat nor even care too.my hubby wont sign papers either.i gave him seperation papers last month.in our state you have to file those 1st.if you need to talk let me know..i'm going thru hell myself inside...i was 115lbs in august now im under 100lbs..this is killing me


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

str8insane said:


> Welcome my friend..i am going thru the exact situation as yourself rite now too..my hubbys gf is only 23yrs old..he is 37..we've been maried 14yrs..i just found out too..im at a lost on thoughts & words..im so down,i've lost motivation to go outside or talk to family.i feel they dont support my side becuz they love my husband.my family tells me to stay with him - he is just a man with needs.my sisters tell me maybe he cheated becuz of his deployments..army..well i didnt cheat nor even care too.my hubby wont sign papers either.i gave him seperation papers last month.in our state you have to file those 1st.if you need to talk let me know..i'm going thru hell myself inside...i was 115lbs in august now im under 100lbs..this is killing me


WTH - my WS family will not talk to her except her youngest brother and that relationship is strained. Her three brothers are all pastors and they don't get it and are pissed at her. My family is supporting me (of course). Her family was close to her but not now. She feels at this point that I am the only person she has. My wife is the same weight as you lost weight due to guilt and went down to a size zero.

Your sisters and his family are messed up and shows they have no moral bearings that are worth a damn.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

My husband blames me for our sons and friends turning against him. He is mad because I told my boys what he was doing, provided them with financial documents, facebook posts, etc. My boys are not little kids, they range in age from 18 to 26. They knew in the beginning the lame excuses he was giving was nothing but crap, he told them they didn't need to know anything, the only thing they needed to know was that the marriage wasn't going to work out. I may have been wrong for exposing him to our sons but I don't feel that I was wrong. Then hubby decides he is going to 'set the record straight' with two of the boys. I was able to prove his lies with bank statements. He acts as if everyone is stupid and then gets pissed off because no one believes him. Boo hoo! I've lost 55 lbs in 6 months.


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## str8insane (Jan 30, 2012)

You were not wrong at all for exposing him..thats the issue with our cheating hubbys they are so use to sneaking & keeping this their secret..i told my sisters rite off the bat with my hubby.he was mad too becuz he loved how they always boosted his ego.i never went 1 day without telling him i loved him & how lucky i was..wow just writting this makes my heart start pounding.i wish i could turn this endless love off i have for him.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

It would be nice if we could turn all this hurt and pain off like a light switch. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. My husband's gf has two kids, he is walking into a ready made family so I guess that makes it ok to leave your other children behind. He hasn't put up any fight or effort to stay in our son's lives. As long as they accept his relationship terms then he wants to be a father, if they don't buy all his lies then he just walks away. How did I ever marry such a loser?? The person he is today is not the person I have known for the past 20 years. He claims to be having a mid life crisis, like that makes everything acceptable?!


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Lone Star said:


> My husband blames me for our sons and friends turning against him. He is mad because I told my boys what he was doing, provided them with financial documents, facebook posts, etc. My boys are not little kids, they range in age from 18 to 26. They knew in the beginning the lame excuses he was giving was nothing but crap, he told them they didn't need to know anything, the only thing they needed to know was that the marriage wasn't going to work out. I may have been wrong for exposing him to our sons but I don't feel that I was wrong. Then hubby decides he is going to 'set the record straight' with two of the boys. I was able to prove his lies with bank statements. He acts as if everyone is stupid and then gets pissed off because no one believes him. Boo hoo! I've lost 55 lbs in 6 months.


My youngest son (age 25) bought and put a tracking device on his mother's car (car is in my name so legally we could do it) and that is how we caught her. She mentioned the other day that she feels I am still tracking her. I said you need to ask your son because he is the one who tracked her not me. I made sure both my sons were there when I confronted her. I made her call her brothers and tell them she had sex with another man. I put the OM on cheaterville.com and have over 1/2 million hits and almost put my WS there as well but was told not to do it by friends and relatives. If you Google the OM's name the first thing that comes up is his page on cheaterville.com with a nice picture of him. If I find out my WS is lying about anything serious she could be next.

Your boys are old enough.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

Thanks for reassuring me about being honest with my sons. Cheaterville.com huh? I'm thinking I like that idea! LOL


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I need some advice. I have broken all contact with my WS, I have not verbally spoken with him since Halloween night. I will contact him through email or text about financial issues but other than that I feel that by not verbally speaking to him helps to keep me strong against him. I also choose to not speak with him because I just don't feel that I can take anymore of his lies, he feels like a con artist to me. He does try to call me here and there but I don't answer the phone. I am doing the right thing but not communicating with him?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Lone Star said:


> I am doing the right thing but not communicating with him?


If you feel that you're vulnerable to being manipulated, then yes. You have to take care of yourself. If written communication is the best method for you, then written it shall be.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

Thanks. I hate second guessing myself but sometimes I'm just not sure. Since I don't believe anything he says it is probably best that I keep all communication in writing. It helps just to have a second opinion. Thank you.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

morituri said:


> In a community property state, you are entitled to half of what he made and vice versa. It's the law and he has to comply, whether he likes it or not.


Richly provided that you didn't sign off on the poor man's side of prenup like I did. But according to legal counsel, there's still remedies to get around that! God I hope so!


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