# Sadly step daughter mistreats mom



## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

My wife has a 27 year old single daughter we will call Hanna, or just H, from a prior marriage. She is my step daughter. H is often sarcastic with mom, rolling her eyes, getting very easily frustrated, and she often acts put out or bothered if mom asks her a favor (small misc stuff like asking her to get some cat food if she happens to go to the store). If mom does not hear or does not understand what H is saying, H will just say "whatever", or "nevermind" in a cruel tone. H often wears a pissy expression and in the two years mom and I have been together H keeps me at arms length keeping our verbal interactions short although she is always civil with me. When I see or hear H jab or mistreat mom, it pisses my off but I have not injected myself into their stuff. After H leaves our place, I tell the wife how it makes me feel but she just says "yea it sucks but I'll work on it", but she never does anything about it. The lack of respect to H"s mom is disturbing. I have two daughters from a prior marriage and neither one has or would ever treat me the way H treats my wife. My marriage to mom is awesome, loving, highly sexual and fun. We both are crazy about each other. H lives five miles from us and visits us a few times every week. What should I do? Up until now I have let my wife deal with her own family issues, as I rather not make a bad situation worse. Still, I get pissed hearing my wife get verbally beat up. Your thoughts?


----------



## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I could be way off base here but since you're all adults, first I would tell your wife that if she doesn't say something about it then you will. 

If your wife doesn't say anything about it, then I would approach H, not as her stepfather but as your wife's husband. I imagine you wouldn't allow anyone else to talk to your wife in that way so the rules for her daughter should be no different. I'd tell her that you don't appreciate the way that she speaks to your wife. Don't make it an attack on her character or try to assert authority over her in any other way/other than addressing this problem. 

Explain that while you respect the relationship and are supportive of H and your wife's relationship as mother and daughter, the way you've seen her treat your wife bothers you.

Take the angle that this is your house and you wouldn't allow anyone else to disrespect your wife or laze around in your house and the expectations for her are no different. Insist that if she can't respect that, she and mom are free to continue their relationship but they will have to continue that relationship outside of your home and not involve you in it because it causes you stress.

Be wary that this can blow up in your face if she's an unreasonable person or if you come off as too aggressive or critical so tread lightly my good sir.


----------



## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Miss Taken said:


> I could be way off base here but since you're all adults, first I would tell your wife that if she doesn't say something about it then you will.
> 
> If your wife doesn't say anything about it, then I would approach H, not as her stepfather but as your wife's husband. I imagine you wouldn't allow anyone else to talk to your wife in that way so the rules for her daughter should be no different. I'd tell her that you don't appreciate the way that she speaks to your wife. Don't make it an attack on her character or try to assert authority over her in any other way/other than addressing this problem.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your reply. I'd approach her if I had a reporte with her, a good relationship with her but we have never moved past superficial exchanges of hello, etc. H expresses a constant fook you vibe, and is never approachable. Before marrying mom, I had girlfriends with adul daughters and we always seemed to have the type of depth in our relationship where I could have "that" talk, but with H not even close. And it is wired that her abuse of wife pisses my off more than it bothers wife. Perhaps this has gone on long before I met mom...old habits? Could it be that this is all mom's fault for never setting boundaries years ago with daughter? And if so, what do we do about it now?


----------



## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

Take up for your wife very firmly. Do NOT allow it in your presence at the very least. Everyone will respect you for that.


----------

