# Is this forum solely operated by divorce lawyers?



## huh123 (May 3, 2015)

Every other advice appears to be somewhere along the "get a divorce" lines regardless if there are kids involved or not. This makes one wonder if all divorce lawyers in the US came together here and decided stimulate their wallets. 

No wonder the divorce rate in this country is over 50%.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You got us. I hang my head in shame now.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Here I thought the site was to promote mmslp.

Your going to get a lot of bias here, its a pyramid of divorces, and of course some people feel better about their failed marriages when others follow them.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

huh123 said:


> Every other advice appears to be somewhere along the "get a divorce" lines regardless if there are kids involved or not. This makes one wonder if all divorce lawyers in the US came together here and decided stimulate their wallets.
> 
> No wonder the divorce rate in this country is over 50%.


Are you for some reason concerned that, should you share your own story here, a significant number of us would give either you or your spouse the same advice?


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

huh123 said:


> Every other advice appears to be somewhere along the "get a divorce" lines regardless if there are kids involved or not. This makes one wonder if all divorce lawyers in the US came together here and decided stimulate their wallets.
> 
> No wonder the divorce rate in this country is over 50%.


Don't be ridiculous. What a stupid post.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Now that you know, you will be terminated with extreme prejudice.

Have a nice day.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This was a different place 5 yrs ago.

All the same though...it is a forum and folks can speak their mind.

BTW ...who was the last post in the R section of TAM?

That focus topic is as popular as the LTSIM section.lol


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## huh123 (May 3, 2015)

VeryHurt said:


> Don't be ridiculous. What a stupid post.



no brain, no pain sweetie


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

richie33 said:


> You got us. I hang my head in shame now.


:rofl:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

huh123 said:


> Every other advice appears to be somewhere along the "get a divorce" lines regardless if there are kids involved or not. This makes one wonder if all divorce lawyers in the US came together here and decided stimulate their wallets.
> 
> No wonder the divorce rate in this country is over 50%.


By the time most people come here their marriage is beyond repair. So yea, when a marriage is beyond repair then I guess a lot of people would suggest that they get a divorce.

You are getting one, so why are you offended that others do too?


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## huh123 (May 3, 2015)

I am not offended. I am disappointed. 

I am not getting one, I am trying to get one. Big difference


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

huh123 said:


> I am not offended. I am disappointed.


Disappointed? Disappointed in others who are have divorced or are getting divorce? Really?



huh123 said:


> I am not getting one, I am trying to get one. Big difference


Whatever makes you feel better.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

All we are doing is minimising (or trying to minimise) the devastating pain that failed relationships that are not reparable and pending divorces cause.

But since you ask my practice is open 6 days a week normal working hours and I offer very good rates and supplementary PI services too


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I think many on this site suggest divorce because they have been there/done that. Everyone wants their marriage to be "happily ever after" but over the life of a marriage individually we humans go thru many many changes, sometimes a couple grow in parallel but many times we grow in different directions. When you are married to a person who you just aren't that compatible with any longer every day becomes a struggle of stress and frustration.

Most of us here tried really hard to save our marriage, and many of us here just ended up extending our misery for an extra five or ten years. In the end once we divorced and had some time to catch our breath the same question always comes up "Why the heck did I wait so long to pull the plug?" 

Sometimes divorce is the healthiest option.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I just give advice based on what i read. If someone is in a relationship or in a marriage and they are being cheated on and treated like crap I am not going to tell them to stay am I?..... 

So divorce is the best option.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

huh123 said:


> Every other advice appears to be somewhere along the "get a divorce" lines regardless if there are kids involved or not. This makes one wonder if all divorce lawyers in the US came together here and decided stimulate their wallets.
> 
> No wonder the divorce rate in this country is over 50%.


We promote dignity, not divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

huh123 said:


> Every other advice appears to be somewhere along the "get a divorce" lines regardless if there are kids involved or not.


Life is too short to be miserable. Get out while you can and enjoy life, before you're looking back wondering where all the time went, and have nothing but regrets.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I'm not a lawyer but I do play one on TV......so that could be the basis for the misunderstanding &#55357;&#56841;


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> We promote dignity, not divorce.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And not without a bit of sadness for it, dignity and divorce are often synonymous.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

huh123 said:


> Every other advice appears to be somewhere along the "get a divorce" lines regardless if there are kids involved or not. This makes one wonder if all divorce lawyers in the US came together here and decided stimulate their wallets.
> 
> No wonder the divorce rate in this country is over 50%.


So lets see....Join date May, 2015 Post #11 How about we have this discussion again in a year after you have a few hundred posts under your belt? I'd be surprised if you honestly have the same opinion then.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Many times the advice to a betrayed spouse is to _file_ for divorce as part of the strategy to save the marriage. Most members here seem to be pro-marriage when there is hope for a good marriage. When a cheater is still in the fog but there is a possility of some redeeming value, filing for divorce can be the catalyst for the cheater to get his/her head out of their a$$.

If the cheater isn't shocked into reality by filing for divorce, the betrayed wastes less time on false reconciliation.

In some cases there is no apparent reason for hope, and the best move is to just go ahead and D immediately.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I'm here to promote Tupperware. That sh*t is awesome!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Uh uh. Hot damn!

Best Lunch Box for Work, School - Bento Lunchboxes - Pack Fast


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

huh123 said:


> no brain, no pain sweetie


What a stupid post.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Xenote said:


> I'm not a lawyer but I do play one on TV......so that could be the basis for the misunderstanding ��


You're a TV actor too?

Finally...I can drop my charade and be myself!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Thor said:


> Many times the advice to a betrayed spouse is to _file_ for divorce as part of the strategy to save the marriage. Most members here seem to be pro-marriage when there is hope for a good marriage. When a cheater is still in the fog but there is a possility of some redeeming value, filing for divorce can be the catalyst for the cheater to get his/her head out of their a$$.
> 
> If the cheater isn't shocked into reality by filing for divorce, the betrayed wastes less time on false reconciliation.
> 
> In some cases there is no apparent reason for hope, and the best move is to just go ahead and D immediately.


For those of us who have been here a long time, the hope that reconciliation is a successful endeavor becomes an increasingly higher flying pie. We have seen so many attempted reconcilliations attempted, only to be ambushed later on by a WS who is really not repentant or unwilling to put in the monumental amount of work over the long haul to heal their marriage and help their BS get to a place of trust. 

Conversely, we have alot of BSs here who gave R all they had, and even had truly repentant WSs, but in the end could not bring themselves to re-nter the marriage due to obliterated trust and, as an extension of that lack of trust, an attraction to their WS. The betrayal was simply a deal breaker, even though at the time immediately following DDay they did not know it was a dealbreaker. 

Often when the BS heals and steps away from his or her emotions, s/he is able to see that the WS is simply not the be-all-end-all they once thought, and that there is a better life waiting for them outside the damaged relationship. 

I for one would rather have a nice new vase with no cracks to put my flowers in than an old shattered one held together with superglue and missing chunks here and there.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> Uh uh. Hot damn!
> 
> Best Lunch Box for Work, School - Bento Lunchboxes - Pack Fast



ooooh, I like my husband's lunchbox...... _if you know what I mean.....
_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> ooooh, I like my husband's lunchbox...... _if you know what I mean.....
> _


Methinks you are needing hubby to feed you some Sunday morning brunch...if you know what I mean...


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

By the time they are here, its often very very bad.

Atypical distribution of population.

Few people come here to post, "today was a perfectly average day with my average spouse"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> I'm here to promote Tupperware. That sh*t is awesome!


Oh yea...

10,000 years from now when they are excavating our buried 'civilization' the only thing they will find is Tupperware. That stuff is indestructible. I have my mother's. it's at least 40 years old.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

OP, I seriously doubt your post is for real, but in case it is, WELCOME to TAM!

Read a few dozen or hundred threads in the CWI forum. Then come back and tell us we are a bunch of bitter divorce attorneys...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Oh yea...
> 
> 10,000 years from now when they are excavating our buried 'civilization' the only thing they will find is Tupperware. That stuff is indestructible. I have my mother's. it's at least 30 years old.


Tupperware and diapers. Diapers do not decompose...I don't care wht they say.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

In real life, people are advised to just ignore or do nothing for so long until they can't stand it. 

"oh, he's just in bad mood. He didn't mean it" and so on.

If people caught problems at an earlier stage, thenthe relationship might be saved.

When I was dating my (future) husband, I was advised to just simply ignore his special friend. Uh, how do you do that if you couldn't "find" your exclusive boyfriend on a Saturday night. And if we did go somewhere where she was, am I to diss her? Is that what ignore means? 

I can't see how that kind of behavior is productive in a relationship. And yet, this is the kind of advice that normal people have access to.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Welcome to TAM! Join the dark side, we serve chocolate chip cookies!


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

Yes, it is, and the advice is worth every penny that you pay to us.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Oh yea...
> 
> 10,000 years from now when they are excavating our buried 'civilization' the only thing they will find is Tupperware. That stuff is indestructible. I have my mother's. it's at least 30 years old.


My mother still has the plastic Tupperware Popsicle makers. They must be 40 years old now. Hopefully I will get them when she dies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Welcome to TAM! Join the dark side, we serve chocolate chip cookies!


What? No one ever told me about this... how did I miss the cookies????

I want my cookies!!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> My mother still has the plastic Tupperware Popsicle makers. They must be 40 years old now. Hopefully I will get them when she dies.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Those are the best!


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> What? No one ever told me about this... how did I miss the cookies????
> 
> I want my cookies!!



I will admit it, I am the one who ate all of your cookies! It was delicious, you should of had some. Too bad it went straight to my thighs, so if you hear the sound of clap, clap, clap, that is the sound of my thighs colliding with each other. Like a wave of thunder!

I thought it was what evil lawyers did. 

That is not the worst of it. I confiscated those cookies from the Keebler elves, after I sent them back to the land of make believe. Damn elves taking good jobs from real people!


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## Ntsikzo (Apr 12, 2015)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> We promote dignity, not divorce.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup:
Dignity and respect you can keep for life


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

mostly because most here are sorry they didn't file sooner!

they see or feel the pain of the new poster coming here with problems that are unfixable. they recognize it from their own experience. and its a trigger. So they blurt out the obvious.

deciding to divorce is a tough decision. Everybody has to weed their way through the stressful painful realization that their lives and the lives of their children are going to change. That their is going to be changes in every aspect of their life and its a scary thought. What I see is when it finally becomes unbearable that's when most decide its time to divorce.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Many people have this peculiar idea that bad marriages should be saved. Marriage isn't special - except when it actually works.

IMO, they should only be saved if the problems can be corrected and both partners want to - and do - make the effort. Otherwise find a better partner or remain single.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Many people have this peculiar idea that bad marriages should be saved. Marriage isn't special - except when it actually works.
> 
> IMO, they should only be saved if the problems can be corrected and *both partners* want to - and do - make the effort. Otherwise find a better partner or remain single.


the key to making anything work. Both partners willing to work on it


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Not only divorce lawyers, but private detectives and the makers of VARS.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

if someone is so desparate about their marriage, they look for advise from bunch of strangers on the internet, guess what? Chances are, things are not going well...


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

pidge70 said:


> Not only divorce lawyers, but private detectives and the makers of VARS.


And for a bunch of "greedy lawyers", we give d*mn good free legal advice!


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

I haven't been here very long. I was in a place where I too thought of divorce on more than one occasion. I've read posts in almost all sections of this forum. I have posted with the odd problem myself. Guess what?? Nobody suggested divorce to me. 
I kept reading as much here as I could, I bought a few of the suggested books and now my marriage is stronger than it has ever been. 
When I see someone here trying to reconcile, I truly hope they succeed. When someone is repeatedly cheated on or neglected for years and still try to work things out, I hope they make it. But when someone has exhausted all options I agree that it is time to divorce and move on. 
My daughter(11) has plenty of friends whose parents are divorced and share custody. From what I see, these kids are happy. I have never heard them complain about either parent.
I'm not lawyer, or a councillor I'm just an average joe with above average resolve to keep my marriage strong and my family unit stronger. .


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

I have read a lot of stories on TAM over the last couple years. you know how somw people talk at great length about the imortance of the strong, 2-parent family; the value of strong marriages to the nation etc.

I don't disagree with that but what I have read here most of all makes me ponder how important divorce is. that is, how important it is that it be made much easier, much less expensive, much more focussed on the children involved and much less so on the eternal gender wars going on in our culture.

I think many states have made significant progress in many of these areas over the last 2-3 decades. so that's good but more needs to be done. The 'trapped' are often deterred from divorcing due to fear of huge financial penalties or lack of access to their own children. The idea of an individual feeling 'trapped' in a marriage can surely never produce a healthy family. 

so state governments. do something useful for a change and solve these problems; make divorce easier so that people can move on to better partners and better relationships - better marriages and beter families as a result.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

huh123 said:


> Every other advice appears to be somewhere along the "get a divorce" lines regardless if there are kids involved or not. This makes one wonder if all divorce lawyers in the US came together here and decided stimulate their wallets.
> 
> No wonder the divorce rate in this country is over 50%.


Congratulations TAM... single handed caused over 50% of the divorces in this country.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

I love a good conspiracy theory. This isn't one of them. 

I hate statistical murders. The 1st marriage divorce rate is nowhere near 50%. It's the professionals that drive the rate up getting divorced a 2,3,4,5,6,7,8 times that chit up the stats. 

Unfortunately that 50% nonsense has achieved wives tale status and is rarely challenged. 

Irritating as a rock in my shoe


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

WandaJ said:


> if someone is so desparate about their marriage, they look for advise from bunch of strangers on the internet, guess what? Chances are, things are not going well...


Then why are you here?

The sad fact of life is that even people you know in real life don't always have your best interests at the forefront of their advice giving. They may have their own agendas as well. 

And I have come to accept that some people t , whether friends or family, can sh!t test you and f^ck with you. Sometimes, third party advice can be useful.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

huh123 said:


> Every other advice appears to be somewhere along the "get a divorce" lines regardless if there are kids involved or not. This makes one wonder if all divorce lawyers in the US came together here and decided stimulate their wallets.
> 
> No wonder the divorce rate in this country is over 50%.


The advice I give is based on psychology. And yes, very often it takes something strong like filing for divorce to get the outcome you want or deserve. If someone is using or abusing you, why would you stay? If someone is taking you for granted, removing yourself - even temporarily - is the best possible way to wake them up.

It doesn't always result in divorce. But I do always try to get people to do SOMEthing. Because what they have isn't working.


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## CharlesCFerguson (Feb 11, 2016)

manfromlamancha said:


> All we are doing is minimising (or trying to minimise) the devastating pain that failed relationships that are not reparable and pending divorces cause.
> 
> But since you ask my practice is open 6 days a week normal working hours and I offer very good rates and supplementary PI services too


Do you work as a divorce lawyer ? ? ?If yes then at what place ?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I'm not a lawyer, and I'm very pro marriage. 

However I would never encourage a person to remain in a marriage that is emotionally unhealthy or unsafe.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Actually, I have learned a lot on TAM about what life after divorce looks like for the BS and for the children. That knowledge has taken some of the fear away, but has also given me a dose of reality to motivate me to do whatever I can to fix myself and give my husband a chance to fix himself before we throw in the towel.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Many people only seek advice from complete strangers when they can't stand their situations anymore. Therefore, a large proportion of relationships discussed here would be at the point where most feel it's beyond salvation.

The person discussing it is like the frog who is sitting in the saucepan of cold water that has been heating up slowly over time. They come here and people see a little frog sitting in boiling water. The people on the forum haven't had time to get used to the other person's situation. When they feel empathy, they feel the shock of being thrown into boiling water.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

CharlesCFerguson said:


> Do you work as a divorce lawyer ? ? ?If yes then at what place ?


This was a joke (an old one too) because I thought that the title of the thread was a joke - generally, I despise lawyers but I am sure there are some good ones too.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

manfromlamancha said:


> This was a joke (an old one too) because I thought that the title of the thread was a joke - generally, I despise lawyers but I am sure there are some good ones too.



I'm married to one. But he works corporate side so he doesn't need to be agressive to get things done.

But I was contemplating something that should make us aware of all the people that we deal with.

For example, when my husband and I were dating he had unfinished business with someone whose profession is social work. 

Considering the way that she described her work, I bet she has filed and attended many a court case due to domestic violence and child abuse.

And her character was such that even though she never met me, she had many a negative thing to say about me and much advice on how he should manage our relationship.

Now imagine dating someone whose babymama has that kind of knowledge, experience and character.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> I'm married to one. But he works corporate side so he doesn't need to be agressive to get things done.
> 
> But I was contemplating something that should make us aware of all the people that we deal with.
> 
> ...


As part of my move towards the dark side (away from engineering to corporate management/sales & marketing), I was required to take various courses and modules including commercial law and contracts etc and hence have some knowledge of not just English Law but also a bit about European law and International law. That's as close as I get to it. 

And I was kind of kidding (kind of) about lawyers - one of my favourite nieces is one and while she can be a bit vicious, I still love her to bits!

But I do understand what you are saying!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

huh123 said:


> I am not offended. I am disappointed.
> 
> I am not getting one, I am trying to get one. *Big difference *


How does THAT work?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> if someone is so desparate about their marriage, they look for advise from bunch of strangers on the internet, guess what? Chances are, things are not going well...


Not well, for sure. But not necessarily terminal. The advice I got from usenet back in the day was very helpful and has been the thing that got us to 21 years.


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

According to another poster's research (I will leave him unnamed), this site is mostly operated by advertising agencies. Considering the ridiculous amount of ads I see on here (especially when I'm on mobile and not signed in), I believe him.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Nothing like a good zombie thread.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

anonmd said:


> Nothing like a good zombie thread.


I contributed today.

Does that count for nothing?


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

I'll add my $ .02 worth.
I came by chance & google in April 2014.
I was looking for reasons why my wife would/could be so "cold & uninterested". I read a lot of posts by TAM folks, figured out what may or may not work for me.
Divorce was TOTALLY out of the question, for financial reasons and a couple others. Although, it was HIGHLY suggested I do just that.
However, this is where I learned about the "180". I sort of figured a way to tweak it to fit my situation.
Everything is great with us now.:smile2:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

OpenWindows said:


> According to another poster's research (I will leave him unnamed), this site is mostly operated by advertising agencies. Considering the ridiculous amount of ads I see on here (especially when I'm on mobile and not signed in), I believe him.


AdBlock is pretty awesome. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Not too long ago I started a new thread about why I get sad when I visit this forum. I have long had people tell me that my form of marriage is immoral, a sin, and every other bad word they can use. I have a non monogamous marriage, engaged in a little group sex with my wife and friends and lived with my wife's best friend, whom we both loved, for most of our 40+ year marriage.

After my fiancee cheated on me and then the girlfriend after her, I gave up on monogamy. Despite all this freedom, my wife has had sex with me and one other man and her girlfriend for her entire life. I know women and men who have sex with more than that in a few months. I did not want to become one of the 50% who divorced so I designed our marriage around our wants and needs and no one else's idea of morality. I have seen too many moral people cheat on their spouses in the last 50 years to know that it means nothing to most people.

Anyway, one of the points I made was that saying to get counselling is as common here as saying "god bless you" after someone sneezes and most who say it, never tried it. Humans do not share well and still have that lingering belief that your spouse's body belongs to you and both must never have sex with anyone but each other despite being genetically inclined to do so. The reasons for monogamy no longer exist.

I find it interesting that if you just want to have casual sex with someone other than you husband, just to feel sexy and desirable again, morality dictates that you must first destroy all that you built with your spouse for the previous years, hate each other, fight over custody of any kids, pay alimony and lose your home. Just because you want to have sex with someone else.

We do not believe that. I know after 45 years that having sex with others does not lessen my love for my wife or break any artificial rules society places on sexual fidelity. Whether she masturbated or used a guy as a human sex toy, the end result is just that she had an orgasm. The real problem is insecurity. We think that she will find someone better than us and leave us. I am not insecure and if my wife does not want to live her life with me, I don't want her. My wife is with me because she wants to be and not for any other reason. We both know that we can have sex with others for fun and it does not harm our marriage. We also know that we can love another and still hold each other first in our hearts. In the end we shared my wife's best friend as our lover and had a wonderful life as a poly triad. We both had the love of two others and with two others in my life, I had more of my needs fulfilled than just one person could fulfill. Call me immoral, sick or perverted but all I know is that everyone who knows us comments on how much in love we must be while they are all divorced once or twice and hardly show any love to their spouses when at parties or social events. We never had to lie, sneak around and break a trust if we drank a little too much and had a quick fling for an hour with someone else.

Where I differ though is that if we agreed to a monogamous marriage, cheating would not be acceptable to me. It has nothing to do with having sex with others. It is a break in our vow to each other and the lying and deception that goes along with it. I could never continue to live with a woman who has proven she is untrustworthy and is a liar. Every time she came home later or one of us was away on a business trip, I would be suspicious and that is no way to live. 

The whole system of marriage is crazy. There is no longer an evolutionary need to keep the parents of a child together so that the man does not waste his limited time and resources raising a child that does not carry his genes. For the woman, there is no longer the need for a man to stick with her for protection and providing food. These days a woman can take care of herself. Marriage forces you to become a liar, a cheat and a sneak if you are feeling lonely or unattractive and just need to have someone treat you like you were the most beautiful person alive. We all need an ego boost at times or even a different way of having sex for pleasure much like we do with food. 

I think differently than most. I have dated married women and know why they cheat and it is usually because they want to feel sexy, desirable and attractive again. They want someone who listens to them and finds them interesting. They want a reason to put on their best makeup and dress for a night on the town like it used to be when they were dating. I dated more married women that I never got more than a kiss with, than had sex with them. I enjoy making women feel special because they are.


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