# Stuck in a endless loop



## cgh (Jan 18, 2012)

I'm at my wits end now. I have been married for just over nine years now and last year on our anniversary my wife exploded ( well not literally ) i have been indulging in fetish websites and had seen a lady for BDSM sessions ( twice, no sex at all, ) and also love to wear fetishwear. she discovered the profiles on my laptop and well was not too happy.
i was in denial at first and found it hard to communicate with my wife about this. we both started to see IC and from there we kind of got things back on track, but we derailed again and went to see a MC. this helped alot, but with the run up to christmas and all we kind of fell of the road again. my wife has continued with the IC which i think makes things worse. 
we are going to the MC again this week but im not sure where we are going in this marriage. 
the thing is i have a deep down feeling that she cant forgive or forget the images or the fact that i have hidden this for so long. 
i dont know what to do....... 
she says i need to pay more attention, talk more and communicate better, all of which i have done, but it never seems to be good enough. 
we have 3 kids and i reckon that if we didnt have kids she would have left and left quickly, the whole idea of my fantasies disgusts her. 
any advice good or bad would be most welcome

c


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Keep it up with the IC and MC until you see a clear direction.


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## cgh (Jan 18, 2012)

a clear direction may never present itself, the idea that i have lied to my wife for all the years i've known her, about my indulgences and the fact that she just cant forget. 
this in itself is a problem, as it doesnt seem that she can move on, we are trying and its hard work, i dont mind doing my share, but every couple of weeks my wife has a bad IC session and she starts seeing problems with every nitty gritty thing. this is starting to get me down at this stage.
so i'm hoping that with the MCwe can try and get a clear direction, but the thing for me is that if both of us are deep down not happy then are we really only trying to save this marriage for the sake of the kids....


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