# When actions and words don't match



## free2beme14 (May 2, 2014)

So when your SO says they want to do this or they are going to do that but don't follow through, how does that make you feel? Am I silly to think it means they don't value me? I'm a person of my word, if I say I am going to do something I do it. Even if its something I may not really want to do, I feel like part of being adult is keeping your word when you say you will do something.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

free2beme14 said:


> So when your SO says they want to do this or they are going to do that but don't follow through, how does that make you feel? Am I silly to think it means they don't value me? I'm a person of my word, if I say I am going to do something I do it. Even if its something I may not really want to do, I feel like part of being adult is keeping your word when you say you will do something.


Is this your ex husband who you let move back into your home after divorcing him that you are talking about?
If it is,he has proved to you over and over that you can’t depend on him and you certainly can’t trust him.
One definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly but expecting a different result.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

free2beme14 said:


> So when your SO says they want to do this or they are going to do that but don't follow through, how does that make you feel? Am I silly to think it means they don't value me? I'm a person of my word, if I say I am going to do something I do it. Even if its something I may not really want to do, I feel like part of being adult is keeping your word when you say you will do something.


What is he promising and not doing?


I was married to a guy who used to do this all the time. After a while I got to the point where I did not believe anything he would promise because he never followed through.


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## free2beme14 (May 2, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> Is this your ex husband who you let move back into your home after divorcing him that you are talking about?
> If it is,he has proved to you over and over that you can’t depend on him and you certainly can’t trust him.
> One definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly but expecting a different result.


Yes it is him, and this HAD been going well the past 18 months. But point taken about doing the same thing over expecting different results


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## free2beme14 (May 2, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> What is he promising and not doing?
> 
> 
> I was married to a guy who used to do this all the time. After a while I got to the point where I did not believe anything he would promise because he never followed through.


Sometimes its little stuff like saying he will make sure the trash and recycle get taken out in the morning, but the morning comes and he's running late for work or (insert any other excuse) and it doesn't get done. Sometimes its big stuff like saying he wants to take me to do things I would like to do, like a lights for Christmas but then doesn't actually do it. 

Just don't feel like I'm getting even a small portion of what I am giving in return


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You're wanting him to be something he never was or probably never will be will just get you continued dissapointment.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I apologize for not being familiar with your background, but why is your ex husband living with you?


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My wife is a liar. She will say anything to make me happy. It has little to do with reality, though.

From my experience it is the case of someone who just cannot tell the truth. They say whatever they want with no thought at all about what is true.

In my wife's case her motive may be to try to find whatever she thinks will please me most. What would please me most would be simple unvarnished truth, but that does not register to a liar.

In your idiot's case it is probably just to get you off his back for the moment, with no thought at all about the future blowback. Maybe he is a chronic liar, or compulsive liar. Ever make him to go to a shrink about it?

Most people lie. But only a few are truly pathological about it.

If your whatever he is to you was able to kick the habit for a while he is probably just a liar addict, and not actually pathological. It's probably just a tool to get you to go away and leave him alone for the short term, and he just does not care about the repercussions.

That's my take on it.

And I have a lot of experience with someone who lies.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

free2beme14 said:


> Sometimes its little stuff like saying he will make sure the trash and recycle get taken out in the morning, but the morning comes and he's running late for work or (insert any other excuse) and it doesn't get done. Sometimes its big stuff like saying he wants to take me to do things I would like to do, like a lights for Christmas but then doesn't actually do it.
> 
> Just don't feel like I'm getting even a small portion of what I am giving in return


You already know what a cad he is. Why set yourself up for "A Journey to Cadville, Part 2"?


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## free2beme14 (May 2, 2014)

Duplicate


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## free2beme14 (May 2, 2014)

Prodigal said:


> I apologize for not being familiar with your background, but why is your ex husband living with you?



I divorced him in November 2015, in December of that year the basement of the house flooded and he spent a lot of time helping with that. We reconciled and he moved back into the house in January 2016. Our relationship has had its ups and downs--he's ADHD, not much on communication about the relationship or future. I give to much and too many second chances to people I care about. That's the extremely short version.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Why did you divorce him? Things must have been crappy enough to legally end the marriage.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

free2beme14 said:


> But point taken about doing the same thing over expecting different results


That only works in quantum physics.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

free2beme14 said:


> Our relationship has had its ups and downs--he's ADHD, not much on communication about the relationship or future. I give to much and too many second chances to people I care about.


Why do you care about someone who is noncommittal about a relationship with you? At least, that's my take on what you have written in your abbreviated version.


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