# Been through a lot, but how much is too much?



## Slyvia B. (Apr 22, 2011)

Hi 

My husband I have been married for a little less than 2 years, and have been together for 5. When I met him, he seemed like a very responsible, hardworking, sensitive guy. I had just gotten out of a relationship with someone who was unfaithful and had a drinking problem. My husband seemed like a breath of fresh air and we had so much in common. The relationship was so great at first that we were soon engaged and I moved across the country for him to be closer to his family. Soon after the move, I found that quite often it seemed that he would take his family or friends side over mine if there was a disagreement. That continues to this day. After moving, we had a lot of financial problems. We both gave up decent jobs only to go months without a job and quickly used up all of our savings. We had to move in with his parents which only made matters worse.

After a lot of bad luck (many long stories) we finally found out I was pregnant and after the baby was born, we decided (or I decided) that we needed to move back to my home state because we were both not working and bills were quickly stacking up and we needed a better life for our baby. A few months after returning and finally getting jobs and a home of our own again, I got a call in the night saying my husband was in jail (a week before our wedding!). I found out he was picked up on an warrant that had been issued years before because he was caught selling drugs. This was before I met him, and he of course was no longer involved in any of this, and was not the same man, supposedly. 

After hiring a lawyer and going to court and having him lose his job because of being in jail, we went through a lot more financial strain and hard times and we are still dealing with bad credit now. Due to the financial problems, I decided to go back to school and am now working and studying while raising our daughter. I say "I" am raising our daughter because my husband is never around. He is back to being hard-working (he has a full-time and part-time job), however...the moment he walks in the door, he is on the couch or in bed, asleep. He seems angry all of the time, and we are constantly arguing because he never does anything around the house or spends any time with our daughter. He can't even taken 5 minutes to read her a book or play with her outside. Also, I cannot trust him with money. He earns more than I do so he thinks that that entitles him to making all of the financial decisions. He has gotten us further in debt, and I found out that he actually STOLE the money he spent on our honeymoon from his own father. He explained it all to his father, but his father was so angry, we never got so much as a card from them after the wedding. 

My biggest problem is that now we're always fighting about money and the fact that all he ever does is work and sleep and never spends any time with my daughter or me. His friends don't even bother calling him anymore because he never returns their calls. Also, he has let himself go physically. He gained as much weight as I did during my pregnancy, and still hasn't lost it. He went out and bought a bunch of expensive weightlifting equipment we can't afford and has never used it. Lately, the worst thing is his language. He called me a b*tch and said he hated me a couple of weeks ago, and then apologized the next day. Tonight was the worst. We were arguing and our little girl woke up and walked downstairs and he called me a dumb f*ing c*nt right in front of her!!! I don't know what to do. We've discussed divorce before but I don't even know what to do. I just feel like "Where did THAT guy go?" I realize I'm not perfect and can get pretty argumentative too, but I just want him to participate in our family more and help out so that I can study, etc. Do you think there's any hope for us? What can I do to keep our fights from escalating to such nastiness?


----------



## hippygirl39 (Apr 14, 2011)

My thoughts are that you are now seeing the real person and that maybe the guy you fell in love with was just a front! I would definitely not be happy with his behaviour and the thought of children being witness to his obvious disrespect for you is worrying. What your daughter witnesses now is what she will see as being normal in a relationship. Is there a risk he may turn violent? I would be wanting to see evidence of change before I thought about staying with himif it was me.


----------

