# The Stupid and Incredulous Thread...



## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

Sparked by Highwood"s thread of what happened with her WS re: things OW and WS said...

I thought it might be fun to embark on a fantasy of stupid...

So... What were some of the stupidest, most incredulous off the wall mind meltingly dumb things either your WS or AP has said in your situation?

I'll start..


After being gaslighted for 3 months.. My WS said...

"Well if you think I am cheating on you then *I might as well just go out and do it, don't you think?*"


Annnnnnnd begin.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

"I get no credit" (for not going through with sleeping with OM), then, in a fit of rage later, "God, I might as well have f*cked him" (given how hurt I was).

Awesome.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Me-"That doesn't matter, we should calmly discuss how we are going to proceed with a divorce. I am willing to have an amicable split to spare the children more grief than they will already experience from all of this."
> 
> Tears welled up in her eyes as she initially tried to shift blame. "I know having an affair was wrong BUT..." and she yelled that I was inattentive for years and how she tried to make things works, blah blah blah...*."AND YOU PROMISED YOU'D STOP SNOOPING!"*
> 
> My face made a wrinkled incredulous look as I said in a sarcastic tone, "Do you really want to go there?"


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

OMG Almost, you sure your and my wife aren't the same person?? Wow.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

"It was purely platonic".........OMFG Really????


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

When I asked if I could read his texts anytime I want, after seeing the initial texts and telling him how I felt, he said no problem. I said, ok, I want to see now, and i had the phone in my hand. He said "No, not right now" and took the phone. I asked if he had something to hide or if this was paybacks for my EA. He said "No, I just don't want you to right now". But he relented and let me read. Those were the text I saw where he called her "sexy" and "beautiful"...AFTER we agreed to work things out! I finished reading, took the phone back in to him. He asked "Happy now?"... and I said no. Stupid me, I let him continue talking for a couple days, until he finally admitted that he DID feel more, but now that he was getting those needs met by me, he doesn't feel that way about her.... That was when the contact ended. Oh and his reasoning for not letting me read in the first place? "I didn't think you would care" and "You read too much into it." HOW THE F*** do you read too much into SH** like that???


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> "It was purely platonic".........OMFG Really????


*33 hours of phone calls in 25 days were just chit-chat!*

*43 text messages x 2 were jokes*

Phone bill of £150

You couldn't make it up!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

bronwen said:


> *33 hours of phone calls in 25 days were just chit-chat!*
> 
> *43 text messages x 2 were jokes*
> 
> ...


1000 texts in one month, and he barely broke 300 in the months prior. And very few of those 1000+ were to my family and me... and very few to any other friends.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

bronwen said:


> *33 hours of phone calls in 25 days were just chit-chat!*
> 
> *43 text messages x 2 were jokes*
> 
> ...


yep, got a whole year of that crap.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This topic has been done before on TAM. I think it's "Stupid sh*t your WS said" or something.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

When I didn't believe my husband hadn't actually slept with anyone after spending over $3000 on these 'models' and escort agencies, he decided on the spur of the moment that since I didn't believe him anyways he might as well go for it. So he picked up a hooker on his way home from a (lesbian) bar he had been at, and got a blow job for $60 that he paid for in COINS since that's all he had in his apartment.

I only mention the lesbian bar because, in his mind, he wouldn't run into any 'temptation' there. :loser:


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

This doesn't exactly fit, but once when I got back together with my ex, and he was going to come up and visit me, and I cleaned, and I shopped, and I fixed amazing food...

He called me and said he couldn't come because "his cat would be too nervous" with him gone.

LOL. He was "gone" from my life shortly thereafter, as in, I booted him to the curb!


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, Hope1964 -- the bought blowjob is bad enough, but it's so much more pathetic that he paid for it IN COINS. I am laughing, and crying a little bit. I'm so glad he's in your past!


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## Good Dog (Mar 28, 2012)

My wife of 10 years explaining why her EA with a co-worker is actually my fault:

"You KNEW that he's my type. You KNEW that's exactly what I want in a man! You should have EXPECTED this to happen. He's [fill in long detailed description here of why he's physically and mentally exactly what she wants and sees as ideal, totally unlike me], which you KNEW I'd be attracted to. What did you expect me to do?!?"

Keep in mind I'd never met this guy or laid eyes on him, but somehow to her mind I was supposed to have known his attractiveness would force her to do what she did, thus it was all my fault.


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

The X had over 2500 text messages, she didn't have a unlimited plan so she was hit w/ a huge bill. When I asked she said "I'm doing everything I can to save you the extra $350 they want to charge YOU." LMAO, she wouldn't ever return my texts.
Mouse


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> yep, got a whole year of that crap.


Got six months of an outrageous amount of texting, calling and emailing. 

The stupidest thing he said, and even the counselor's mouth dropped open was:

You are my family, She is my lover, WTF

Also, when the counselor asked if he would forgive me if I cheated he instantly shouted "no way"

After hours of him lying and denying and gas lighting after I received the anonymous emails chock full of provable facts, I slapped his face when he falsely accused me of cheating.

We then got into a minor tussle. More wrestling than punching or hitting and a lot of him holding me down and pulling my arms behind my back as I flailed at him. 

He's 6'3" and 220 pounds, I am 5' 4" and 106 pounds. 

In the midst of this tussle he told me he was afraid of me. 

He was straddling me, had my arms pinned over my head and I could not even move, and he says he's afraid of me?

Later, I had bruises everywhere. He had none anywhere. Not even a red mark on his face.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> This topic has been done before on TAM. I think it's "Stupid sh*t your WS said" or something.


:iagree:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32956-stupid-things-they-say.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/35098-stupid-things-they-say.html

Variations of this thread comes up every few months.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Nothing she said but she added a phone line for him on our cell plan.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Oh, Hope1964 -- the bought blowjob is bad enough, but it's so much more pathetic that he paid for it IN COINS. I am laughing, and crying a little bit. I'm so glad he's in your past!


He isn't - I am still with him


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Great thread!

H said before I got into his secret email..that him and his OW were just friends and it was idle chit chat....

I guess her telling him that she can't wait until she can come to Canada and live with him forever was idle chitchat. As well her telling him she will love him forever. 

Yes, sounds like the kind of idle chit chat I have with people at work every day! Yes, that's how I talk to guys I work with.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

mahike said:


> Nothing she said but she added a phone line for him on our cell plan.


She did WHAT?!?!?!?! Oh HELL NO!!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Good Dog said:


> My wife of 10 years explaining why her EA with a co-worker is actually my fault:
> 
> "You KNEW that he's my type. You KNEW that's exactly what I want in a man! You should have EXPECTED this to happen. He's [fill in long detailed description here of why he's physically and mentally exactly what she wants and sees as ideal, totally unlike me], which you KNEW I'd be attracted to. What did you expect me to do?!?"
> 
> Keep in mind I'd never met this guy or laid eyes on him, but somehow to her mind I was supposed to have known his attractiveness would force her to do what she did, thus it was all my fault.


Wow.


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## beenbetrayed (Oct 11, 2011)

When I first caught and confronted her, one of the first few statements she said was "why'd you have to catch me? I was gonna end it soon!" hahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Good Dog (Mar 28, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Wow.


Yep. What's funny is "wow" was my exact response at the time. Just shook my head, said that and waited for it to sink in exactly how dumb her claim was. Verbally she admitted it was, but she then spent the following months doubling down on her behavior with men like him, while technically avoiding the actual OM, and blaming me for her actions.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

highwood said:


> Great thread!
> 
> H said before I got into his secret email..that him and his OW were just friends and it was idle chit chat....
> 
> ...


What the....

It's either a coincidence...or you're the OMW. 

My own fWW said she couldn't wait to go to Canada and live with OM forever and that she will love him forever!


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

My H's OW was filipino but working in Singapore.that's how they met. H was over there working for a Canadian company.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> What the....
> 
> It's either a coincidence...or you're the OMW.
> 
> My own fWW said she couldn't wait to go to Canada and live with OM forever and that she will love him forever!


Ok both you AND highwood sound like you are talking about the OM from my EA... this is weird...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> So he picked up a hooker on his way home from a (lesbian) bar he had been at, and got a blow job for $60 that he paid for in COINS since that's all he had in his apartment.


Now THAT is one hell of a vending machine


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

1 month after DD 

'you've just got to trust me now'

'I can't take this anymore'

'God, you've gotta just keep on dragging it up haven't you! It is dead and buried as far as I am concerned' 

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 
Insane laughter follows...of course only with hindsight. Not so funny at the time.

The thing is, all I ever wanted to do was chat. I never threw it at him unless he stomped off refusing to talk. I started a 'can I talk with you please' and got that thrown at me! 

Idiot!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

In an even MORE bizarre twist, the fake 'models' my husband was communicating with were Filipino and wanted to come to Canada.

Cue Twilight Zone theme.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

Yes lots of stories that are nothing less than "stupid and incredulous" but what is even worse is that in lots of these cases, the betrayed spouse or partner has not yet left the cheater after months or years!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

donders said:


> Yes lots of stories that are nothing less than "stupid and incredulous" but what is even worse is that in lots of these cases, the betrayed spouse or partner has not yet left the cheater after months or years!


Months or years of what??


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## Good Dog (Mar 28, 2012)

donders said:


> Yes lots of stories that are nothing less than "stupid and incredulous" but what is even worse is that in lots of these cases, the betrayed spouse or partner has not yet left the cheater after months or years!


I'm sure this will be disputed but apparently most people stay together after infidelity. Just what I read.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

highwood said:


> My H's OW was filipino but working in Singapore.that's how they met. H was over there working for a Canadian company.


Well, my wife is a filipina, but OM is a filipino working as a contract worker in Canada. He was her HS sweetheart that she reconnected with on facebook.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

donders said:


> Yes lots of stories that are nothing less than "stupid and incredulous" but *what is even worse is that in lots of these cases, the betrayed spouse or partner has not yet left the cheater after months or years!*


I hope you mean that as in the WS continues the behavior and the BS just turns a blind eye...and NOT that the BS forgave and the marriage got back on track....


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Well, my wife is a filipina, but OM is a filipino working as a contract worker in Canada. He was her HS sweetheart that she reconnected with on facebook.


Whew! OM and his other OW were not filipino nor filipina... So, definitely not you. But it DOES seem odd that SOOO much is similar/ the same... then again, maybe it isn't so odd, ya know?


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

donders said:


> Yes lots of stories that are nothing less than "stupid and incredulous" but what is even worse is that in lots of these cases, the betrayed spouse or partner has not yet left the cheater after months or years!


Thanks for your concern. Obviously as grown up people, we can make our life choices ourselves based on our assessment of the situation.


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## BettyBoop (Apr 2, 2012)

My H had an affair with an older woman for 4yrs. I wanted all the details of where my H was for all this time, and she was very experienced in sex, especially BJ’s. So as I was reading her e-mails she mentions something about him fixing her sink. I was stunned because of his absence from, not only me, but our home during these 4yrs. When I said... ‘You fixed her sink?’ (in an accusatory voice) His response was... ‘ohh you know she is an older woman she can’t be on her knees too long’


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

BettyBoop said:


> My H had an affair with an older woman for 4yrs. I wanted all the details of where my H was for all this time, and she was very experienced in sex, especially BJ’s. So as I was reading her e-mails she mentions something about him fixing her sink. I was stunned because of his absence from, not only me, but our home during these 4yrs. When I said... ‘You fixed her sink?’ (in an accusatory voice) His response was... *‘ohh you know she is an older woman she can’t be on her knees too long*’


Ummm...wow. ok so what about on her back? Ok, never mind....


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

lamaga said:


> This doesn't exactly fit, but once when I got back together with my ex, and he was going to come up and visit me, and I cleaned, and I shopped, and I fixed amazing food...
> 
> He called me and said he couldn't come because "his cat would be too nervous" with him gone.
> 
> LOL. He was "gone" from my life shortly thereafter, as in, I booted him to the curb!


Omg!! :rofl: :rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

snap said:


> Thanks for your concern. Obviously as grown up people, we can make our life choices ourselves based on our assessment of the situation.


I see lots of BAD choices.

As in a married partner staying with a cheater for months or years after discovering the affair, with the cheating partner not making any attempt to stop it.

Sure we make "life choices" based on our assessement of the situation but there's a lot more to it than that. You know what plays a big factor in the choices we make? 

*FEAR.*

That's why many people decide to give the cheater another chance or stay with a cheater and try to break up an affair even if the cheater is not remorseful and has no desire to stop the affair. It's better than the alternative, which is the unknown.

(It isn't really better, it only seems that way)


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> In an even MORE bizarre twist, the fake 'models' my husband was communicating with were Filipino and wanted to come to Canada.
> 
> Cue Twilight Zone theme.


Filipino snow shoe models gotta get work somewhere


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## Good Dog (Mar 28, 2012)

donders said:


> I see lots of BAD choices.
> 
> As in a married partner staying with a cheater for months or years after discovering the affair, with the *cheating partner not making any attempt to stop it*.
> 
> ...


It really depends on whether the affair has ended. If the WS is truly sorry and wants to work on it, and the BS is willing, then more power to 'em. It may not work, but that's not their fault. Also, it doesn't have to be fear of the unknown. Some people choose R with their eyes wide open and that's a good thing much of the time.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Before dday, I asked my wife if she was having an affair and she said no. After dday, I inquired why she didn't tell me about the affair when I asked earlier and she said... WAIT FOR IT...

SHE DIDN'T WANT TO LIE TO ME.

wtf


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

donders said:


> Sure we make "life choices" based on our assessement of the situation but there's a lot more to it than that. You know what plays a big factor in the choices we make?
> 
> *FEAR.*


Back in December I hit my WW with the news of divorce. We agreed to split amicably. 

The night after she broke down and ended up in the hospital. She takes her pills to the day. I took care of her since there was nobody else.

It took me over a month to decide that I'd give her another try.

Whatever affected my decision wasn't fear. Without useless boasting on anonymous forum, I know what fear is, I lived in strange places. We have combat veterans here who had their life at stake for years, and not all of them end up divorcing.

Maybe consider that there is uncomfortably more to it in real life than your little simple theory.


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## BettyBoop (Apr 2, 2012)

Count, so having the affair was not lying to you???


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## BettyBoop (Apr 2, 2012)

This reminds me of another stupid thing my H said to me after dd. He told me that during the 4yrs of infidelity that he had only lied to my face once!!!


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## jen1020 (Dec 18, 2011)

My husband said to me after his infidelity:-

"But all I did was drop my pants!"

Ah well, that's alright then 

Jen


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Another thing H did with his second secret email..is you know how it will say when you log onto your email Hi Jane, welcome to Yahoo email or something like that. He used a fake name in case I got into his email this way it looked like it was for a guy named Ben instead of his actual name...what a fricken idiot!!!!! So I would be thinking, no this isn't my H it is an email for a guy named Ben!

What a loser!


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## LoveMyKids80 (Apr 24, 2012)

These are things my STBXH said (and keep in mind he's 34):

Stupid #1: "I want to be able to have sex whenever/wherever" Uh, nevermind we have 2 kids around us ALL DAY!

Stupid #2: "I just feel like I haven't had enough sex in my life"

Stupid #3: "I can just pick up the divorce papers to spare me the embarrassement"

Stupid #4: "Sorry I was late picking the kids up" Me: "What, you weren't going to see her all weekend, did you need one last f*ck in?" Him: "Yeah"

Stupid #5: "And no, she's not a wh0re"

I could probably go on, but these were some hilarious ones.


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## beenbetrayed (Oct 11, 2011)

"I'm not a wh*re"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## beenbetrayed (Oct 11, 2011)

Ohh the best one I can think of off the top of my head: "In ten years if I don't have kids, can I borrow your sperm? I want your kids"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

A few of my favorites (from exH about his OW):

"She's a really good person. You'd like her." (Maybe if she didn't have the morals of an alleycat...)

"I can not trust you. You invaded my privacy." :scratchhead:

"We never would have gotten into an EA if you had just accepted our friendship from the beginning. It was your distrust and control that pushed us together."

"If you really loved me you'd want me to be happy." 

After years of lies and trickle truth: "I hate it when you don't believe me when I'm telling the truth". 

"I knew that if I told you about it, you wouldn't let me go. Am I right?" (Yep you're right. I would not have agreed to let you go cheat.)

"If I want to call her or send her an e-mail, I don't see what the big deal is. Its not my fault you are too insecure to handle that"

ME: What about our wedding vows? 
Him: Well, I changed my mind. :wtf:

"Promising to be open and honest was never part of our marriage vows". (Oh? What do "love and honor" mean? How about forsaking all others?)

"I have the right to scream at you--you spoke to me with a 'tone' in your voice!" (So what do I have the "right" to do if you screamed at me?)



LOL :rofl: I could go on and on. I love these.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Affaircare said:


> "Promising to be open and honest was never part of our marriage vows".


.... neither was going off and f**king some *****...


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

"I take this man to be my wedded husband--but only for better because if worse comes around I'm going to the bar to find someone who makes me happy. And only for richer because if he can't afford a new car and the latest cell phone so I can call my boyfriend, I'll find a man who can pay for it all. Oh, and only if he stays thin and keeps his hair because if he ages or his hair goes white I can always flirt with the younger guys at the office."


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Me: I want the password to your verizon wireless account.

CS: Why?

Me: I want to see what's on there.

CS: What are you going to do to HER?

Me: (Ignoring the obvious) I don't know. I have to see it first.

So, after weeks of asking, he finally gave me the password. By then, I already received details of his cell phone calls for four month. But, before he gave me the password, he cleaned out his contacts and put them in the "trash" on the website.

Unfortunately for him, he forgot to empty the trash.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

survivorwife said:


> Unfortunately for him, he forgot to empty the trash.


I sometimes wonder if my husband forgot to log out of his chat and had kept all the emails he had in his sent folder because he wanted to get caught. He had been diligently deleting EVERYTHING up till then and leaving NO trace.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

H annoyed with me because last month on DD#2 I had the nerve to tell his OW in an email to **** off!

He acted like I was supposed to be considerate of her feelings...Like I am supposed to be nice to this ***** who knows he is married and continued on with him.

What was he thinking that I am supposed to instead send her a hearts and rainbow email asking her kindly to please stay away from my husband if that is okay with her....**** right!

He doesn't know the half of what I said in my emails to her.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> Me: I want the password to your verizon wireless account.
> 
> CS: Why?
> 
> ...


That bugs the **** out of me..that their attitude is one of protecting their OW/OM.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> I sometimes wonder if my husband forgot to log out of his chat and had kept all the emails he had in his sent folder because he wanted to get caught. He had been diligently deleting EVERYTHING up till then and leaving NO trace.


Hard to say. In my situation, my ch is oblivious and not very tech savy either. Although he did make sure his computer was off and somewhat secure, he did forget about clearing his history.

But what really sent out the red flag to me was him coming back from an out of state trip and receiving phone calls and texts from somebody. He didn't even have the decency to put the phone on vibrate. Then, he spoke with the OW while sitting in the same room with me, ending the call with "later DUDE".

There were reasons at play why I could not confront him on the spot, so I quietly gathered my evidence together and waiting for the right time. It came. He refused to leave the marital home, so I left him. And the time it took for me to gather the evidence will be worth it's weight in alimony.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

highwood said:


> That bugs the **** out of me..that their attitude is one of protecting their OW/OM.


That's true and believe me, it was duly noted. With a little patience, I found at least 4 women with whom he had regular and frequent calls with. And, with his verizon contact "trash" list, it narrowed down the phone numbers I wanted to check. One of which he recently admitted to someone else that he went to visit (in another State) "but nothing happened". (as if)

So, when I get to that part of my legal process, I intend to have my lawyer contact HER "as a witness" (just for fun) so that HER husband will be aware of her involvement and proceed accordingly. After all, according to HER, He is a "controlling husband" and SHE is a stay at home Mommy. In short, I will do nothing TO HER - I'll let my lawyer do it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I'll bet you if we all had a nickel for every "Nothing Happened" our WS's have decried, we could all retire comfortably on a tropical island!


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

On dday (about 2 hours after I confronted, he had handed over his burner phone) he walked outside into the back yard, after a minute or two I noticed my cell was missing. He walks in with my phone. 
Me: what were you doing with my phone.
Him: nothing?
Me: did you call her to warn her I found out?
Him: NO! F her. I told you I don't even really like her, I don't need to warn her. I love you, I'm so sorry.....
Me: you know I have an online acct right? I can log right into my acct right here on my computer and see every call and what time, even if you deleted it from my phone.
:::::ause::::
Him: ohhhhhh, sure I do, listen...i was afraid you were going to believe her lies...so I called to tell her you knew and I was staying with you and done with her.....yada yada yada.
Me: WTF?? You went out back and called her with my phone while begging foregiveness then LIE about doing it? GET OUT!!

He left but he slept in his car in our driveway for 3 nights. Still tho what a stupid WS I was blessed with. 


_-- Sent from my Palm Pixi using Forums_


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## azul (Apr 29, 2012)

My guy would say to me what a good friend his AP had been to been to both of us. I told him to name all of the things she's done for us. 

Him: Well she gave us a good reference to get into our place. That's the only thing I can think of.

Me: She gave you a good reference and told the landlord she didn't know much about me. Let's be clear what she does she does for you and your benefit, not mine.


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## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

Krichali said:


> During his A, a couple of our close friends split up because of an A. So while we were talking about that couple and how wrong it was what they did, little did I know he was actively doing the same thing. After Dday I said how could he have spoken of them like that knowing he was just as guilty?
> "They were different! They did it wrong! I was discreet!" (so, it was only offensive because that couple's A was discovered, I guess!)
> 
> And in answer to why he would have kept her existence a secret from me:
> "You never asked!" (really, I never asked if he had been abducted by aliens, either. I would have thought that to be as likely as him being in an A. Hey -- maybe I need to be beamed up, Scotty!)


"hi dear how was your day?"

"oh pretty good, you?"

'Not bad. Listen, I meant to ask you... You having an affair?"

"oh ya I am. Started 4 months ago. Sorry, forgot to mention that the other day"




Geesh.


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## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

Affaircare said:


> A few of my favorites (from exH about his OW):
> 
> *"She's a really good person. You'd like her." *(Maybe if she didn't have the morals of an alleycat...)
> 
> ...


This one is classic IMO.

"You two would be besties if you ever met. Honest. BFFs"

/facepalm


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## bdl (May 16, 2012)

I wanted to stop seeing her, but I was too scared she would tell you so I couldn't. BS! better I hear it from you than her, which eventually he did tell me himself, but such a cop out he could have ended the relationship with the OW a lot sooner that's his reason why he didn't!!!


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## runner12 (May 4, 2012)

I just can't believe some of the things people say! :rofl:
In one of the over 100 texts per day between my H and OW, he told her "the astrology site says I'm only 10% compatibile with my wife but I'm 80% compatible with you". Not only did he send that to her, but he looked it up, copied it and pasted it to a document on our computer so he could save it. 
On DDay when I found some of the texts, he told her I found them and was ticked. She messaged him to change all of his passwords so they could keep talking and I couldn't see what they were saying! I read the message and confronted him about it. He did exactly as she said and changed all of his passwords to everything. When I asked him why, he said because I couldn't be trusted since I looked through his stuff!!! Really? Did I mention that she was once a BS by not 1 but 2 husbands! Appearantly she picked up some tricks from her exes. 
The classic though was when both of them gave me the "we're just friends" speech. :bsflag:


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Spouse: you never caught me doing nothing Wrong
ME: I saw the two of you in a bed together
Spouse: Our clothes were on
Me: You were in a bed with another women
Spouse: I didnt do nothing wrong you cant prove I did, you seen my clothes on
ME.: SO I can have a freind and do everything like you, and you see me in bed with him BUT our clothes are on at that MOMENT and you would say there was nothing Wrong with that..
Spouse: YES becaue I trust you, but you dont me, I cant deal with you thinking the worst of me.. I have had it, you really think I would do that to you...... you dont trust me you never have I cant live like this.
ME: You was in bed with another Women, and you dont think this is WRONG

Yeah dumba**


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

I asked him where he was getting his sex from a day before DDay and he laughed in my face when I asked if it was with a guy or a girl.

I asked what the texts and talks were about and I get nothing it was just how the day was. How does oral count as how the day was:scratchhead:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

runner12 said:


> I just can't believe some of the things people say! :rofl:
> In one of the over 100 texts per day between my H and OW, he told her "the astrology site says I'm only 10% compatibile with my wife but I'm 80% compatible with you". Not only did he send that to her, but he looked it up, copied it and pasted it to a document on our computer so he could save it.
> On DDay when I found some of the texts, he told her I found them and was ticked. She messaged him to *change all of his passwords so they could keep talking *and I couldn't see what they were saying! I read the message and confronted him about it. He did exactly as she said and changed all of his passwords to everything. When I asked him why, he said because *I couldn't be trusted since I looked through his stuff!!! *Really? Did I mention that she was once a BS by not 1 but 2 husbands! Appearantly she picked up some tricks from her exes.
> The classic though was when both of them gave me the "we're just friends" speech. :bsflag:


That is just... WOW.....

One that I forgot about... my husband and his EAP maintained that they were "just friends". When I read the second set of texts, AFTER we were working on fixing our marriage, he told her "[Maricha] freaked when she saw the texts"... her reply? "That's why I delete everything every night." And THAT is the big thing that made me suspect (other than my suspicions that she had a thing for my husband all these years) that she was exaggerating her situation with her boyfriend. She swore he was cheating on her again, got Mr. Maricha's sympathy, and mine...and grew from there. Also didn't help that she knew all of my secrets and used them to her advantage. Still makes my blood boil.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Looking back, there were so, so many things my ex-w said to me. Most of our marriage was her gaslighting and emotionally beating me into submission and exploiting me. If I ruled the world her demise would be the stuff the horror movies. From the D itself, some things that really stand out:

"IT'S NOT FAIR!!! THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL!!" (repeated many time, in reference to my filing for divorce after she insisted on an open marriage (open for her only)) I delayed pulling the Dtrigger until after I had 1) gotten the huge house that was rapidly losing value sold. 2) Moved all my stuff out to my new apartment --- 200 miles away! (job change)" I was too pissed at her or I would have said "Pray I don't alter it any further."

My ex- calls me in the middle of the day in the first year after D:

"I'm angry at you for leaving me. I miss being married. My therapist says I should let you know." She then goes on to rant for 13 minutes 45 seconds (I have it recorded) saying directly and repeatedly paraphrasing "I miss having someone to pay for things", "I missing having someone to watch the kids all the time" "I miss having someone to deal with creditors/house repairs/taxes" "I miss having someone to keep the house clean" "I miss having someone to fix my car" "I miss having having someone to watch the kids when I go out" "I miss being able to put (anything) on the (Amex card) and not having to ask (can I afford it)?" - It was truly epic rant, and nowhere in it was anything said that remotely came close to "I miss your friendship/ love/ etc" or any actual trait about myself. The only things ever mentioned (and I played the recording for people a couple times) were the things about life that were now inconveniencing her. She ended it by telling me that "I threw a wonderful marriage away".


Later, she goes on a rant about how if I "dare to tell my children" about my (now fiance), that she will get her BDSM master, her mother, her brother, her boyfriend, and others to tell the police that I had been [sexually molesting] my children." The recording of that rant is on file with my attorney.

More recently, in regards to Alimony (which just ended): "I deserve Seven Thousand dollars a month (from you) for the rest of my life". Said with a straight face and complete seriousness and conviction of the righteous. I don't have that recorded.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Anubis, at least she was honest with her wanting a doormat. Sucks to be her right now.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Week before he left " You can't text my phone anymore. The company changed our plan"

Week after he left daughters brand new cell beeps. Me " who's that?". Daughter "dad's texting me."

Really!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TorontoBoyWest (May 1, 2012)

Anubis said:


> Looking back, there were so, so many things my ex-w said to me. Most of our marriage was her gaslighting and emotionally beating me into submission and exploiting me. If I ruled the world her demise would be the stuff the horror movies. From the D itself, some things that really stand out:
> 
> "IT'S NOT FAIR!!! THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL!!" (repeated many time, in reference to my filing for divorce after she insisted on an open marriage (open for her only)) I delayed pulling the Dtrigger until after I had 1) gotten the huge house that was rapidly losing value sold. 2) Moved all my stuff out to my new apartment --- 200 miles away! (job change)" I was too pissed at her or I would have said *"Pray I don't alter it any further."*
> 
> ...


Darth Vader on a WS...











(above pic is only because the word Sh!t is in most of those meme pics lol)


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

keko said:


> Anubis, at least she was honest with her wanting a doormat. Sucks to be her right now.


Keko,
Yup. I was young, stupid and inexperienced and didn't recognize the early warning signs (of her 'poly' nature) in the relationship. I wish something like these forums had existed then (predates public internet access), as I had no one to talk to or help me see that my situation was unhealthy. I was ready to divorce (been contemplating it for a few months) when she became pregnant. I stuck it out another decade for 'the sake of my kids'. Stupid, Stupid me. The first PA I would find out about occurred soon after my oldest was born (the kids are mine for sure).


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

keko said:


> Anubis, at least she was honest with her wanting a doormat. Sucks to be her right now.


Oh, she's got a new sucker. She got engaged as the alimony ran out. He probably only makes a third to a quarter of what I did, and has join custody of a kid of his own, so I don't think she'll get back to her desired lifestyle. ( And that's not counting the 500 thousand we had thanks to a buyout that went to zero in 5 years mostly due to her. We did buy a bigger house and some things, but in the end that netted out to only about minus 140k).

Word is she will finally get her first job (teaching) this fall. We shall see. Right now she constantly tells my kids that "you can't have (xxxx) because daddy is being mean and won't give us any money" (as if $25k a year in child support is 'nothing').


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Anubis said:


> Looking back, there were so, so many things my ex-w said to me. Most of our marriage was her gaslighting and emotionally beating me into submission and exploiting me. If I ruled the world her demise would be the stuff the horror movies. From the D itself, some things that really stand out:
> 
> "IT'S NOT FAIR!!! THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL!!" (repeated many time, in reference to my filing for divorce after she insisted on an open marriage (open for her only)) I delayed pulling the Dtrigger until after I had 1) gotten the huge house that was rapidly losing value sold. 2) Moved all my stuff out to my new apartment --- 200 miles away! (job change)" I was too pissed at her or I would have said "Pray I don't alter it any further."
> 
> ...


Just unreal.


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## MOMMY2ONE (Mar 6, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

His reasoning for going out with OW

"I was jealous of watching other couples go out whenever they wanted to"

All this was after we had our baby, his solutions to his jealousy? To take OW out instead. Jerk-off.

Me: "How about (trusted family member) watch the baby for us to go out?

Him: "You know I don't trust anyone but your mom but she works all of Saturday"

I TRIED to go out on dates with him but got met with excuses. All. The. Time.

H: "I was so used to lying to you I didn't even think about it"

Jack-a$$

Me: Who is OW?
(seeing she accepted his FB friend request)
H: Who? Oh you know her she works in the office she has been there for years!

After I manage to delete her from his friends list he goes on to send her a PM about doing the "friends thing" he didn't know I rerouted his emails to be forwarded to my email.

Me: So after all that we talked about you STILL sent her a PM asking about the "friends thing" eh?

H: I was wondering if FB had a glitch ok? That's all!

Once it all went down after Dday.

H: You took away my only friend!

H: I introduced you to her!

H: All you women don't like each other and I knew there would have been a cat fight!

Funny how now he wonders this:

When are you going to start trusting me! 

And after reading to him a post from TAM.

H: now I feel they gave you permission to hate me for 2-5 years, great.

Me: yeah it wasn't your EA it was this forum that did it right?


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

My wife's AP text me to tell me I was *lucky*. He said his wife had (apparently) cheated on him lots of times, and he lived in a small village. So because I live in a city it made my wife's affair(s) less serious?

A few days after DDay 1, my wife sent me a text saying "I am going to be the BEST wife I can be... I'll show you, you just wait and see xx". Two weeks later we had DDay 2. Another month later DDay 3. Yeah, she really showed me!

There are loads of things, ranging from blatant lying (she'd told her family that I'd got another woman pregnant) through to the ridiculous (she told AP that I had tried to "pimp" her out). Surely alarm bells must have been ringing for her other fella at that statement? And as for her family believing her lies about ME having an affair. They know me, yet they still believed her.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Anubis, you take the prize.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I would make a joke about anubis' ex but I don't like to make fun of the mentally ill


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

She exchanged phone numbers with the guitar player because she thought I'd like his music. How sweet. She did it for ME and I got jealous over it.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Anubis said:


> Looking back, there were so, so many things my ex-w said to me. Most of our marriage was her gaslighting and emotionally beating me into submission and exploiting me. If I ruled the world her demise would be the stuff the horror movies. From the D itself, some things that really stand out:
> 
> "IT'S NOT FAIR!!! THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL!!" (repeated many time, in reference to my filing for divorce after she insisted on an open marriage (open for her only)) I delayed pulling the Dtrigger until after I had 1) gotten the huge house that was rapidly losing value sold. 2) Moved all my stuff out to my new apartment --- 200 miles away! (job change)" I was too pissed at her or I would have said "Pray I don't alter it any further."
> 
> ...


Epic. :rofl:

ONe of the other threads reminded me of a funny...

Upon finally being caught (after 2 years of massive gaslighting) having an affair with a friend of ours... my W was shocked at my anger and hurt... 

ME: "what did you think? what were you picturing would happen?"

HER: "well I thought you would find someone too, and we could all be friends, maybe all of us would go out to dinner sometimes and we could all be civil at (insert my sons name)'s birthday parties. I thought you would be happy that I'm happy"


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> HER: "well I thought you would find someone too, and we could all be friends, maybe all of us would go out to dinner sometimes and we could all be civil at (insert my sons name)'s birthday parties. I thought you would be happy that I'm happy"


Seriously?

Im wondering what her IQ is...


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

keko said:


> Seriously?
> 
> Im wondering what her IQ is...


Has a couple master's degree's. On paper, she's bright. On dopamine, she's a drooling box of brain dead. Pretty standard.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Me: (I had already got my proof via-her email, the night before, she didnt know it yet) Do you mind giving me your email password so I can look at your email, is there anything in there that shouldnt be?

Her: You can look if you want to, I'm not hiding anything, go ahead if you want, but you would be controlling. :rofl:

So I didnt push it that night, was hoping that she would come clean, nope, the next morning she goes in and deletes all of her emails and sets it up so deleted messages can not be retrevied.
To bad I already had them.:smthumbup:


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## completely_lost (May 10, 2012)

BrokenMan said:


> My wife's AP text me to tell me I was *lucky*. He said his wife had (apparently) cheated on him lots of times, and he lived in a small village. So because I live in a city it made my wife's affair(s) less serious?
> 
> A few days after DDay 1, my wife sent me a text saying "I am going to be the BEST wife I can be... I'll show you, you just wait and see xx". Two weeks later we had DDay 2. Another month later DDay 3. Yeah, she really showed me!
> 
> There are loads of things, ranging from blatant lying (she'd told her family that I'd got another woman pregnant) through to the ridiculous (she told AP that I had tried to "pimp" her out). Surely alarm bells must have been ringing for her other fella at that statement? And as for her family believing her lies about ME having an affair. They know me, yet they still believed her.


Holy Crap, how many DDays did you give her? also how many should we give?


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## buffalo689 (Feb 11, 2012)

wife's ea..."It was all just a fantasy, you taught me all that stuff!"


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

The day I busted my wife knowing the OM was in our car and they were driving to have sex in an Amish church parking lot (I did not know aoubt the sex part at this time). Talking to her on the phone she says, I am out shopping at Walmart on the Pike (she never went to that Walmart and it was 20 miles away from where the GPS showed her location). I said I love you, and she says, I love you too. I hung up. Within minutes I called her back and said, I want you to buy something, anything to prove to me that you are at Walmart. She said, are you accusing me of cheating? i am going home and not putting up with this. I said funny how you told me minutes ago how you love me and by the way, I know who is in the car with you.

That was D-day.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you sure you want to use the word "win" there?


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## blinky (Feb 13, 2012)

deleted


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## ScubaSteve61 (Mar 20, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> I'll bet you if we all had a nickel for every "Nothing Happened" our WS's have decried, we could all retire comfortably on a tropical island!


LOL I know, right? I was told "nothing happened" half a dozen times before I confronted her with the photos OM had posted to his blog of them, in his words, "Making out on their date" a week before I found out!


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Oh man...
The big stupid: “When OM#1 fled the country to escape prosecution, I started going to lunch with his best friend to try and sort out why he disappeared. One thing led to another and we ended up back at his place.... I couldn’t just leave and he was persistent, so I let him have sex with me.” .... and this gave her nightmares from guilt... so, they got together talked about it and tried it again to see if those nightmares would stop. They didn’t... OM#1 returned shortly after, they started dating again and those two didn’t tell him either. What wonderful people.

Another memorable: “I know what you are going through. I found out OM#1 was cheating on me. So I know what it feels like.” (Yes, the same one she cheated on with his best friend)..

“Its not really any different than you playing computer games all the time.” Yes... I could have been watching tv alone instead while she was out dating. This is tied in closely with the “You want me to be happy don’t you? I need to be social and go out. Someone has to watch the kids and you could play your games after they go to bed.”

And one more: “I hid these friends from you because you are racist.” 

And my favorite that set me off snooping around: “I need my space from you to decide if I can tolerate your behavior. I expect you to be gone tomorrow. You can come home after work, cook and eat together as a family, but you have to leave after the kids are asleep.”:rofl:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

"Her boyfriend wasn't giving her the compliments. Someone had to" 
Uhhh yea... YOU didn't have to tell her she was beautiful and sexy. You are MY husband. *I* should be getting those compliments from you.... and *only* me getting them from you!


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

"I went out to have drinks with OM to tell him why I couldn't go out to have drinks with him anymore."

This was before I knew about the affair, but after I confronted her and was gaslighted. I told her that I wasn't comfortable with her going out to hang out with him, I caught her sneaking out and this is the excuse that she gave me.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> "Her boyfriend wasn't giving her the compliments. Someone had to"
> Uhhh yea... YOU didn't have to tell her she was beautiful and sexy. You are MY husband. *I* should be getting those compliments from you.... and *only* me getting them from you!


I hear you.....my H would start every email to his OW with "Hi beautiful"....when was the last time he said those words to me...at least 10 years previous. That hurt because it made me remember how complimentary he used to be previously and instead is directing that to someone that to me does not deserve it at all.

To me how can someone be beautiful when they are knowingly and willing flirting/emailing with a married man?? That makes them a cold cruel ugly person in my eyes.


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

The other funny part, after I caught her doing this, I sent a text to OM as well telling him to stay away from my family. He responded by saying "Normally I'm a bury the hatchet kind of guy, but you two have dragged me through so much drama over the past two months, I am writing off you and your family completely. It's sad too, I've always thought that you were a pretty cool guy".

I know that when I meet someone that I think is pretty cool, the first thought through my head is "You're pretty cool, I think I want to mess around with your wife because I like you so much."


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

highwood said:


> I hear you.....my H would start every email to his OW with "Hi beautiful"....when was the last time he said those words to me...at least 10 years previous. That hurt because it made me remember how complimentary he used to be previously and instead is directing that to someone that to me does not deserve it at all.
> 
> To me how can someone be beautiful when they are knowingly and willing flirting/emailing with a married man?? That makes them a cold cruel ugly person in my eyes.


Yes, and that she knew all the things going thru MY head, even worse (she acted like she was my friend). She told him that she and I didn't talk to each other. I knew she had designs on him. I knew it years ago...but ignored it because my husband was always the "flirting = cheating" and "I will never cheat" type. He still maintains that, tho SHE had designs on him... he never would have succumbed. Uhhhh...calling her "sexy" isn't succumbing?? Especially when you couldn't remember the last time you said it to me? But, tho he won't recognize his EA for what it was, because it never developed to the point that mine did, I guess... I am doing my best to move forward. It's tough when you don't know what to do because your spouse is dealing with bad depression, due to bipolar disorder (and they are not sure what type), and they keep throwing meds at him, which aren't working right. So, I am muddling thru it all.

Still wanna scratch the OW eyes out tho....


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Onmyway said:


> The other funny part, after I caught her doing this, I sent a text to OM as well telling him to stay away from my family. He responded by saying "Normally I'm a bury the hatchet kind of guy, but you two have dragged me through so much drama over the past two months, I am writing off you and your family completely.* It's sad too, I've always thought that you were a pretty cool guy*".
> 
> I know that when I meet someone that I think is pretty cool, the first thought through my head is "You're pretty cool, I think I want to mess around with your wife because I like you so much."


"Well, how about that! I had you pegged for an @$$hole... turns out I was right!" I SOOO would say that to someone. Calling them an @$$HOLE, not the "I like you, I wanna fool around with your spouse".


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> "Well, how about that! I had you pegged for an @$$hole... turns out I was right!" I SOOO would say that to someone. Calling them an @$$HOLE, not the "I like you, I wanna fool around with your spouse".


With the extremely low trust and caring that I have for people right now, I wouldn't hesitate to do the same thing anymore.

People just blow my mind sometimes.


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