# Couples therapy separation



## coatimundi (7 mo ago)

Hi everyone!
I'm 41, a dad of 1, and going through a trial separation that will likely become a divorce.

This forum was suggested in my welcome post so thought I would link that story and include some info.









Newly Separated Dad


Hi there. I'm checking out resources online at this point for reasons I will detail below, but probably just need to type out my situation at this point in order to process it, so bear with me, please. I'm 41, been married 10 years, and we have one 6 yo son. We've been in couples therapy for...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com





I think my situation is a little more unique because we are leveraging a couples therapist as a sort of guide and mediator. This therapy was my suggestion and I have always put forth the effort in sticking with it. I have had really positive and helpful experiences with personal therapy in the past.

But this has largely kept things more amicable. Instead of direct confrontation, I save issues for therapy sessions and this largely keeps us out of falling back on our broken communication patterns.

But I hope to read more of others experiences, and please don't hesitate to reach out if you want to chat. The trial status has made it where I really can't talk to many about this in my life about this and, even those I do talk to about it don't really understand having never gone through it themselves.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

From what I understand your wife suffers from anxiety and you cannot deal with that, so suddenly you are not in love with her anymore and want your freedom. In sickness and in health does not seem to apply here. Is that a good summary of the situation?


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## coatimundi (7 mo ago)

manfromlamancha said:


> From what I understand your wife suffers from anxiety and you cannot deal with that, so suddenly you are not in love with her anymore and want your freedom. In sickness and in health does not seem to apply here. Is that a good summary of the situation?


No it's never that simple, is it.

It's also disparate parenting styles, lack of physical attraction (she gained a ton of weight and seems to have largely given up), difference in life outlook. The anxiety is a big part though, yes. I enable, and that's on me, but I am not sure I can both pull out of that enabling behavior, and resolve my resentment. It takes two, and I don't see that she has been putting effort in. I asked her to go back to therapy about 6 months ago. She agreed, but then went once and did not go again until the couples therapist brought it up.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

coatimundi said:


> No it's never that simple, is it.
> 
> It's also disparate parenting styles, lack of physical attraction (she gained a ton of weight and seems to have largely given up), difference in life outlook. The anxiety is a big part though, yes. I enable, and that's on me, but I am not sure I can both pull out of that enabling behavior, and resolve my resentment. It takes two, and I don't see that she has been putting effort in. I asked her to go back to therapy about 6 months ago. She agreed, but then went once and did not go again until the couples therapist brought it up.


In short its not your fault, its hers.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

It’s only unique because it’s happening to you.


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## Carolyn E Melton (9 mo ago)

In my opinion, the ultimate aim of couple therapy is to join two couples, not separate. That is the relevant point where divorce case goes with couple therapy sections. I have a friend who has some issues with her husband related to his anxiety; they filed a divorce petition and decided to separate, but after two sections of couples therapy, they began to think about their mistakes and realized how much each of them meant for other. They changed their decision and reunited; now, they are leading a happy life, and couples therapy helped them understand each other.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Carolyn E Melton said:


> In my opinion, the ultimate aim of couple therapy is to join two couples, not separate. That is the relevant point where divorce case goes with couple therapy sections. I have a friend who has some issues with her husband related to his anxiety; they filed a divorce petition and decided to separate, but after two sections of couples therapy, they began to think about their mistakes and realized how much each of them meant for other. They changed their decision and reunited; now, they are leading a happy life, and couples therapy helped them understand each other.





Carolyn E Melton said:


> In my opinion, the ultimate aim of couple therapy is to join two couples, not separate. That is the relevant point where divorce case goes with couple therapy sections. I have a friend who has some issues with her husband related to his anxiety; they filed a divorce petition and decided to separate, but after two sections of couples therapy, they began to think about their mistakes and realized how much each of them meant for other. They changed their decision and reunited; now, they are leading a happy life, and couples therapy helped them understand each other.


In my opinion mental health professionals should not spam advice boards such as TAM.

Your account will be banned. However, if your employers want to advertise on TAM please have them visit this link https://www.talkaboutmarriage.com/business/


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