# What about the house?



## helpplease (May 20, 2010)

I have posted plenty on my situation but am curious about the house.
I did not cheat, she did.
We both failed to communicate in the marriage and that is why we are where we are.
She wants divorce not me.

Now the question:
She says I should leave. I don't think that I should leave since I want to workout the marriage and I did not cheat, and she is looking at the OM after the divorce.
I don't know if I can afford the house on my own, don't know if she can afford house on her own.

What to do? 
a. Move out get my own place
b. Make her move out
c. Sell house and split the proceed with each other. (This will be a big chunk of change)

What effect on kids will this have? I really have no idea. They still no nothing is wrong.

Any Thoughts?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Keep the home and tell your W you want the home and will figure out money later.

If you leave, the OM will be over in and help with the $$ ,and your kids will stay in the home with OM, W and kids. does that sound good?

No it does not, what does is you are in the home with your kids and your wife pays for her kids to stay in the home, while your W and OM go f*ck them selves. Have a nice day

Your W stepped out, do not make this easy for her, By the way way, you most likely negleged each other before her affair, and she took a vow for better and for worse, and it doesn't get any worseer then this and she still won't recommit to the marraige. she has choosen the path with the OM not her family, so good riddens, keep the house and the kids and down size later.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Truthfully, if neither of you can afford the home, then the most logical, and probably best, thing to do would be to sell it and split the proceeds. 

In the meantime, though, it's really hard to say who should stay. While it doesn't seem fair for her to get to stay in the house when she cheated, it seems more unfair that the kids would be uprooted and taken out of their familiar environment if she takes the kids with her. 

Have you talked to a lawyer about all this? I would maybe get a lawyer's advice on how to handle this. To me, you really want to do whatever is best for the kids, but at the same time legal as well.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thank god atruckergirl showed up, she is the voice of reason.
I got a little emotional there, sorry


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

helpplease said:


> I have posted plenty on my situation but am curious about the house.
> I did not cheat, she did.
> We both failed to communicate in the marriage and that is why we are where we are.
> She wants divorce not me.
> ...


Don't move out. Get a lawyer YESTERDAY. Moving out can be interpreted as abandonment. Did I mention getting a lawyer yesterday?



> a. Move out get my own place
> b. Make her move out
> c. Sell house and split the proceed with each other. (This will be a big chunk of change)


Selling or not selling is part of hte divorce proceedings.


----------



## helpplease (May 20, 2010)

hopemom said:


> Why not stay in the house and raise the kids together. Demonstrate to your wife that you mean to value your marriage vows.


I would love for her to do that, I want to do that, she sees the OM as her ticket to an amazing life, full or everything she would want. I do value the vows. I have explained this to her but she just says that she never meant to fall out of love.

She wants me out, although I did not do the affair. Yes, hindsight we both failed to communicate until a few days ago but according to her it is too late.

An attorney is probably the likely scenario.

@the guy
That is some of the emotions I have had, I enjoyed reading what you had to say


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The point is the the same, STAY PUT, and continue in making her affair as difficult as possible. 

Do you know who OM is, Spend a little money and do a back round check on OM. Espacially if he, someday will be around your kids.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

YEP! Stay in the house. This home is the marital home and the family home. YOU are not leaving the marriage or the family, and the KIDS are not leaving the family either. She's the only one leaving the family, and the cost of having an affair is that SHE has to move out and without the kids. The kids stay in their home, in their beds, in their neighborhood, with their friends. You and the kids STAY! 

I would suggest telling her, "You can choose to stay in the marriage and honor the vow you made--and stay in the house with your children...or your can choose to pack your things tonight and leave the marital and family home without the kids. So do you choose to write a No Contact Letter now, together? Or shall I start packing your things and call your mother to come get you?" Make it clear that you expect a spouse/life partner who will give you 100% of her affection and loyalty, and if she's not willing to do that then she is out of your bed and out of the marital house. And when she's ready to honor the commitment she already made TO YOU...then she's welcome to come back home, but you don't take crumbs.


If you can't afford the house on your own, rent out one room.


----------

