# Looking For The First Step



## mompres2008 (Nov 13, 2008)

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this sight and could use some tips on taking the first steps towards separation/divorce. First a little background... I've been married for 17 years and have two kids (middle and high school). I'm an at-home-mom. 

My marriage has never been great. I guess I didn't see things for what they really were - always thought it was the circumstances that made everything so difficult with us, instead I think it was the other way around. My hubbie ignores all conflict, emotions, conversations, issues etc. I'm the total opposite. I talk, analyze, problem solve, yell, scream - at this point you name it! He's neglect and I'm abuse. He can talk a blue streak about things that don't have any bearing on us but as soon as I try to discuss something important to me I get the vacant stare and he has nothing to say. This usually leads to a long drawn out mess as I don't stop talking since I know when I do he'll go on his merry way like nothing ever happened. 

Anyway, we have so many problems at this point (finances, lack of connection, can't communicate, he doesn't want sex or emotional connection) yet he appears to be happy sleeping downstairs for the last 2 years and avoiding everything. I on the hand am cracking under the strain and am angry all the time. I don't want to keep this marriage like this but he apparantly does. 

I thought about a legal separation to start the ball rolling and give me time to think outisde of this open warfare we're in (me that is - he sits blankly) but Massachusetts doesn't have one. It's either live apart unofficially (he won't go for it and I don't have income) or get a divorce. When I start to think of the financial aspect (not a good time to get a job, sell the house, cash in the 401K etc.) I get totally stuck and don't know what to do. 

Is anyone else at this point? I'm just not sure what my next step should be. Thanks for any input.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Have you tried counciling?

draconis


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