# Insecurity?



## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

This is my first post here as I just recently found this site. I've been reading through a lot of the threads and have found the advice and comments on various topics very interesting and extremely thoughtful.
So a little background.......wife and I are in early 50s and coming up on 30 years married. Recently we have both decided it was time to regain some physical fitness we had both lost over the past few years. I've lost around 20 pounds and added some long lost muscle by using the home gym three nights a week or so and she has lost around 10 pounds mostly by doing the Weight Watchers program and I think she looks great. She recently joined one of the local gyms but really has not used the membership other than to do a few spinning classes due to time constraints. A few days ago she was given 4 personal training sessions at the gym where she joined as a birthday gift by our adult children. I've been reading on here all the "Personal Trainer" stories and even without seeing any of those I'm really uncomfortable with her using these sessions with a male trainer. I have not brought up the subject yet as I don't want to seem like an insecure, jealous husband but I'm not thrilled with the idea of her being in a situation with a male trainer coaching her through an exercise routine.....not quite sure how even to broach it with her without sounding too over the top and untrusting about it all. Am I being too over the top about this??? I'd appreciate any thoughts that anyone might have.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

If your wife hasn't given you any red flag behavior in the last 30 years, she probably won't start now. If she's had questionable behaviors, then you may want to make an issue.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Think of all the clients the personal trainer has in a day, as week, a month. Most of them are pretty fit, a good number if not half are women. So you really think that a male personal trainer has a relationship with every woman he spends an hour training? That would be one very exhausted man!!!

Since you are uncomfortable why not go with her? You can work out while she sees this personal trainer. Once you see what the training sessions are like I think you will worry a lot less.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I wouldn't worry about it. Unless there are factors in your marriage causing your suspicions....


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

I think it's a natural male reaction to feel this way sometimes, but like in my case there are a lot of things that I'm unhappy with my wife about buuuut - I trust her 1,000%. And she is the type that would tell me if some dude put the moves on her or is flirting with her.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Think of all the clients the personal trainer has in a day, as week, a month. Most of them are pretty fit, a good number if not half are women. So you really think that a male personal trainer has a relationship with every woman he spends an hour training? That would be one very exhausted man!!!


That's about right. Furthermore, who do you think makes the first move in this situation? I'll give you one guess.


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## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

Thank you all for your replies. I don't have any trust issues with wife and I can say in all our time together there have not been any "red flag" issues (and I do keep my eyes open for them). I do think the problem is more in my head then anywhere else and the feedback has helped make me realize this. In my eyes she still looks as good as she did when we met many years ago and even though I'm in much better shape than I have been in a long time I don't feel as good about myself these days as maybe I should. So like I said it seems like maybe I'm the one who needs to address some self-esteem issues.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

There are many good female personal trainers these days.

If you have been married thirty years you should have no problem simply asking your wife to swicth to a female trainer. No big deal. Just matter of fact. Your only red flag would be if this upset her.

I would do this in a heart beat. I think it is just appropriate. I would never have a female personal trainer. This has nothing to do with professional qualifications or capabilities. There is just no real reason to go there. Just to easy to make this a non issue.


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## jennz (Jul 14, 2012)

I understand the thinking behind the question, but it doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about.


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