# Wife [35] wants a threesome with another women, but not me, wants another guy [40]



## the_guy1245 (Feb 24, 2021)

Wife [35 years old] has been bringing up that she feels like she's a little bisexual lately and that she has dreams about having sex with another woman. Yesterday she came up to me [40 years old] and said she's made up her mind and wants to have a threesome with another woman.

I thought about it and said well why not it could spice up our sex life a little. I said I'm OK with it if you don't mind, and she says, "yes, but not with you, I would like a different guy"

I feel like this has put the final nail in the coffin for our marriage. I'm so ready to go see a divorce lawyer. How would you react to this?


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

the_guy1245 said:


> Wife [35 years old] has been bringing up that she feels like she's a little bisexual lately and that she has dreams about having sex with another woman. Yesterday she came up to me [40 years old] and said she's made up her mind and wants to have a threesome with another woman.
> 
> I thought about it and said well why not it could spice up our sex life a little. I said I'm OK with it if you don't mind, and she says, "yes, but not with you, I would like a different guy"
> 
> I feel like this has put the final nail in the coffin for our marriage. I'm so ready to go see a divorce lawyer. How would you react to this?


Just tell her as long as you can have the same thing with another couple and her not be involved. But yeah, bail out now as if she is already thinking of being with another guy WITHOUT you its not a good sign. 

Why can't it be her with the other woman alone or you (and this other guy) get to watch?


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Tell her sure, then suggest the 3 of them get married, because she won't have a husband anymore.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

That is so messed up. In other words, she knows a couple already and has planned the whole thing out. What a bait and switch she pulled

I would have the divorce papers ready and have her served in the middle of her night.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

the_guy1245 said:


> Wife [35 years old] has been bringing up that she feels like she's a little bisexual lately and that she has dreams about having sex with another woman. Yesterday she came up to me [40 years old] and said she's made up her mind and wants to have a threesome with another woman.
> 
> I thought about it and said well why not it could spice up our sex life a little. I said I'm OK with it if you don't mind, and she says, "yes, but not with you, I would like a different guy"
> 
> I feel like this has put the final nail in the coffin for our marriage. I'm so ready to go see a divorce lawyer. How would you react to this?


Its a clear no no for us to include anyone else in our marriage. You agreed to adultery first though when it was to be another woman. I guess a women is ok but a man isnt? Bit hypocritical.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I just don't understand men like this OP. She told you in your face what she wanted and were going to go along with her wishes until she said it was to be with another man??? 
This is where I don't understand today's pathetic men. They don't seem to have the balls, the self respect and the confidence to immediately tell the woman this marriage is over. You just show me how much respect you have for me and for the marriage. This are the moments where men need to start manning up.

The lesbian thing is enough for me to kiss goodbye my wife. I will not put myself in the position of later on being told: Honey, I love you but now I'm in love with Mary, and I'm leaving you for her. This is one of the most common results for idiotic men that think that they are getting their jollies up watching two women having sex. 

But to being told that is with another man/men... the hell with the galls with these women. That's because she sees you as a weak man that can be told something like that. 

Dude: she sees you as a weak man, has not respect for you, and think that she can get away with it. Ditch the ***** already. if you don't, expect a life of disrespect from now on. You will not know when she will make you a cuckold, until it is too late, and she's leaving you for a bigger **** or another *****. Guarantee.

Divorce paper should already been served. Your call.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

the_guy1245 said:


> I feel like this has put the final nail in the coffin for our marriage. I'm so ready to go see a divorce lawyer. How would you react to this?


I am pretty sure you just got an "F" on your pop quiz!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

badsanta said:


> I am pretty sure you just got an "F" on your pop quiz!


As in there is no threesome, but she was testing you to see what you would say.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Its a clear no no for us to include anyone else in our marriage. You agreed to adultery first though when it was to be another woman. I guess a women is ok but a man isnt? Bit hypocritical.


Kind of curious about this, myself. So, it's ok she cheat on you with another woman, but not with another woman and another man? If you're allowing your wife to have sex with other people what does the gender matter?


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

People never fail to surprise me. I’d tell your wife it is fine as you will be having a threesome of your own.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

badsanta said:


> As in there is no threesome, but she was testing you to see what you would say.


Or there is a threesome, she's got a couple in mind, she's looking to be their unicorn, and she simply doesn't want her husband involved.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Been there, done that....served her with divorce papers. You should too!


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Wants a threesome and your not included? Why are you even contemplating staying with this woman. Just end it. I’d be willing to be that she has already stepped out on you. This is just an escalation to the next level. Once a woman loses that much respect for you there’s nothing to salvage. Man I hope you don’t have kids with woman.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

the_guy1245 said:


> Wife [35 years old] has been bringing up that she feels like she's a little bisexual lately and that she has dreams about having sex with another woman. Yesterday she came up to me [40 years old] and said she's made up her mind and wants to have a threesome with another woman.
> 
> I thought about it and said well why not it could spice up our sex life a little. I said I'm OK with it if you don't mind, and she says, "yes, but not with you, I would like a different guy"
> 
> I feel like this has put the final nail in the coffin for our marriage. I'm so ready to go see a divorce lawyer. How would you react to this?


Do you need to ask?? 🙄🙄


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

If she dreams of having sex with another woman, and wants to explore her bisexual feelings why the need for another guy? Why a threesome?

Putting the obvious question above to the side. . .
This might sound harsh, but if it's not really your fantasy then you won't be bringing much to it, and might make it a bit awkward for her. Are you going to be supporting and promoting her during the experience, or feeling awkward around two women?

She might not be able to handle you with another woman any more than you can handle her with another guy.
A different guy would reduce emotions for her as she might never have to face him again, but with you she would.

Like others have suggested, does she have a couple lined up already, soneone she knows and has planned this with?

And you need to think about why another woman is ok for you but another man isn't for her.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

the_guy1245 said:


> I thought about it and said well why not it could spice up our sex life a little. I said I'm OK with it if you don't mind, and she says, "yes, but not with you, I would like a different guy"


So it took you less than a day to decide a second woman would be fun. If you were planning on getting ****ed or sucked by this other woman then how is it any different if your wife gets to **** and suck another man?

As for how I would react... I never would have agreed to bring another woman into our bedroom. Been there, done that (not in my marriage), I know it would cause problems, and I have absolutely zero desire for anyone else. 

I'd probably think my wife had gone loopy. If she seriously came to me and said she had _made up her mind_ and was GOING to do it, I'd be out. It's one thing to be bisexual (and no, you don't suddenly "feel a little bi") or have fantasies, it's another to just say you're going to do something with no consideration for your spouse.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

the_guy1245 said:


> I feel like this has put the final nail in the coffin for our marriage.


Ya think?


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

MJJEAN said:


> Kind of curious about this, myself. So, it's ok she cheat on you with another woman, but not with another woman and another man? If you're allowing your wife to have sex with other people what does the gender matter?


It was ok with him when he was going to be involved and it was a WE thing. Now his wife has turned it into a ME thing which is where the problem lies. Any venture into a lifestyle change starting like this is doomed.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

happyhusband0005 said:


> It was ok with him when he was going to be involved and it was a WE thing. Now his wife has turned it into a ME thing which is where the problem lies. Any venture into a lifestyle change starting like this is doomed.


Doesn't make a whit of difference. He was willing to let her have sex in front of him with another person. What's the difference if she does it when he ain't there and who cares what the gender of the person she's having extramarital sex with happens to be? Either it's ok she shares sexual pleasure with others or it's not.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

the_guy1245 said:


> Wife [35 years old] has been bringing up that she feels like she's a little bisexual lately and that she has dreams about having sex with another woman. Yesterday she came up to me [40 years old] and said she's made up her mind and wants to have a threesome with another woman.
> 
> I thought about it and said well why not it could spice up our sex life a little. I said I'm OK with it if you don't mind, and she says, "yes, but not with you, I would like a different guy"
> 
> I feel like this has put the final nail in the coffin for our marriage. I'm so ready to go see a divorce lawyer. How would you react to this?


Sounds like you figured it out. Proceed with divorce. 

Your wife is a douche by the way.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

MJJEAN said:


> Doesn't make a whit of difference. He was willing to let her have sex in front of him with another person. What's the difference if she does it when he ain't there and who cares what the gender of the person she's having extramarital sex with happens to be? Either it's ok she shares sexual pleasure with others or it's not.


Not the same in the least. 1 scenario he is an active participant. The other he is sitting home watching TV while she is out having a threeway. Not even a little bit similar.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I'm not sure what I would think without at least one follow up post from the OP.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

This is an easy “NO.”
“No wife, I will not share my wife with another man. I didn’t bring up the idea of bringing another woman into our bed, you did. And despite my hesitation, I agreed that if you were comfortable with us experimenting with another woman, I’d do it. I will not have another man involved, so if that’s important to you, I’ll have the divorce papers ready for your signature by the end of the week.” And you need to be serious, and ready to do it. As others have said, she sees you as weak and does not respect you if she is even seriously suggesting this.

If she is just testing you, the correct answer is what I just said above. If she’s serious, you need to divorce her immediately because there’s not a good way back from this and you’re in for a more permanent hell if you stay in this marriage.

And for everyone saying it’s hypocritical for him to be ok with a threesome that involves him/wife and another woman, I say BS. Now, I believe it is almost always I’ll-advised and foolish to open that box at all, but it’s not hypocritical. His boundaries are that he will not share his wife with another man. If his wife didn’t mind sharing him with another woman, then so be it. Probably stupid but not hypocritical.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Not the same in the least. 1 scenario he is an active participant. The other he is sitting home watching TV while she is out having a threeway. Not even a little bit similar.


We'll just have to agree to disagree. As far as I'm concerned having sex with someone else is having sex with someone else. End of. If it's ok she do it with him there there's absolutely no reason it shouldn't be ok with him not there and the gender is irrelevant.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> Doesn't make a whit of difference. He was willing to let her have sex in front of him with another person. What's the difference if she does it when he ain't there and who cares what the gender of the person she's having extramarital sex with happens to be? Either it's ok she shares sexual pleasure with others or it's not.





MJJEAN said:


> We'll just have to agree to disagree. As far as I'm concerned having sex with someone else is having sex with someone else. End of. If it's ok she do it with him there there's absolutely no reason it shouldn't be ok with him not there and the gender is irrelevant.


Well, I suspect most people think there’s a hell of a difference in the gender of the person. 
I agree with you that it’s a bad idea either way, but men and women are very different and there is no equivalence between a wife experimenting with another woman in her husband’s presence and a wife getting plowed by another man.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

DudeInProgress said:


> Well, I suspect most people think there’s a hell of a difference in the gender of the person.
> I agree with you that it’s a bad idea either way, but men and women are very different and there is no equivalence between a wife experimenting with another woman in her husband’s presence and a wife getting plowed by another man.


Take it from someone who went thru a similar situation, there is NO difference in the gender of the other person. Betrayal is betrayal no matter what the genitalia


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

MJJEAN said:


> We'll just have to agree to disagree. As far as I'm concerned having sex with someone else is having sex with someone else. End of. If it's ok she do it with him there there's absolutely no reason it shouldn't be ok with him not there and the gender is irrelevant.


As a person who has experience in this (threesomes with other women) I can say the difference is in the mental approach. In one side you are doing something together as a couple to enhance your relationship, the other the person is doing something solely for themselves and is not motivated by enhancing the relationship. So the difference is less about the genders or actual act of sex and more about the intentions of the couple. It's like the guy who wants to have sex with other women so he talks his wife into a threesome, his intent is not a fun experience for both but instead it is to have fun himself with quasi permission from his wife.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

sokillme said:


> Sounds like you figured it out. Proceed with divorce.
> 
> Your wife is a douche by the way.


Don't you think HE is too, since he was on board when HE would be screwing another woman?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

OP, this will not end well.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> OP, this will not end well.


It's already over, the OP just doesn't know it yet


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Numb26 said:


> It's already over, the OP just doesn't know it yet


Absolutely, this type of men (that don't act immediately) are the one that are left wondering what the hell happened when the dust settles down.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

LisaDiane said:


> Don't you think HE is too, since he was on board when HE would be screwing another woman?


No. Because he didn’t suggest it, she did. She is responsible for her boundaries and he is responsible for his. If him screwing another woman is ok with her, and she suggested it, then no he’s not a douche for considering or agreeing to it. Very foolish but not the same thing.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Tell her to do whatever she wants. Right after you hand her divorce papers.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Bud, only a codependent doormat would take that crap. You want to wallow in this go ahead but the outcome is she’s already moved on and and is planning to dump you.

When they tell you this you need to believe them. Living on a hopium addiction means YOU will be keeping yourself bound up in this.

File and move on. 40 is young so don’t waste your time in this.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

DudeInProgress said:


> No. Because he didn’t suggest it, she did. She is responding for her boundaries and he is responsible for his. If him screwing another woman is ok with her, and she suggested it, then no he’s not a douche for considering or agreeing to it. Very foolish but not the same thing.


I understand what you are saying, but I disagree VERY much.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> We'll just have to agree to disagree. As far as I'm concerned having sex with someone else is having sex with someone else. End of. If it's ok she do it with him there there's absolutely no reason it shouldn't be ok with him not there and the gender is irrelevant.


I understand what you're saying, and in the long run you are probably right. However, getting from monogamy to non-monogamy while sustaining a relationship is normally a process. You normally have to build trust with each other before jumping in with both feet. Failing to show consideration for each other is a serious red flag. She is short-circuiting the process, and that's likely because she's ready to leave the OP.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

LisaDiane said:


> Don't you think HE is too, since he was on board when HE would be screwing another woman?


I have mixed feelings. As I understand it, it was sold to him as a joint activity that they both jointly discussed and were working to agree upon. Now I might thing it's misguided and sometimes even gross, not something I would want to do, but if they discuss it and both agree that is not douchy.

In this case as I read it, and that I admit I might be reading it wrong, she sold it as a joint activity they could do together and at the last moment she pulled the rug out and was like - oh yeah and you are not involved. That is just douchy.

It's not the activity however "misguided" I might think it is that is douchy, it's the bait and switch.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Married but Happy said:


> I understand what you're saying, and in the long run you are probably right. However, getting from monogamy to non-monogamy while sustaining a relationship is normally a process. You normally have to build trust with each other before jumping in with both feet. Failing to show consideration for each other is a serious red flag. She is short-circuiting the process, and that's likely because she's ready to leave the OP.


This is a great answer, and makes alot of sense to me! 
(NOT that that really matters, but I like it! Lol!!)


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

sokillme said:


> I have mixed feelings. As I understand it, it was sold to him as a joint activity that they both jointly discussed and were working to agree upon. Now I might thing it's misguided and sometimes even gross, not something I would want to do, but if they discuss it and both agree that is not douchy.
> 
> In this case as I read it, and that I admit I might be reading it wrong, she sold it as a joint activity they could do together and at the last moment she pulled the rug out and was like - oh yeah and you are not involved. That is just douchy.
> 
> It's not the activity however "misguided" I might think it is that is douchy, it's the bait and switch.


Ok, yes, I DO understand what you are saying!


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

When my husband decided he was “a little bit bi” it was a slippery slope to him to be full on ****ing strange men while I was home taking care of our three children oblivious to his activities.

At least she had the decency to tell you about it. Knowing what I know now I’d get the hell out before you catch a disease.

Sorry your wife turned out to be a selfish ***** like my husband did. Best thing I did was leave.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> Kind of curious about this, myself. So, it's ok she cheat on you with another woman, but not with another woman and another man? If you're allowing your wife to have sex with other people what does the gender matter?


I think he meant his wife, another woman and a different man -- NOT HIM at all. So SHE wants to have a threesome and he can go whistle Dixie. But yeah, I agree -- cheating is cheating and the gender doesn't matter.
She has pretty much told you OP that she doesn't want you at all. I would be seeing a divorce lawyer asap.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@the_guy1245 I never realised that a woman "feeling a little bi-sexual lately" meant that she wanted to have sex with another man.

I think this is what's happening in your marriage:-


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

LisaDiane said:


> Ok, yes, I DO understand what you are saying!


Plus douche is a great way to describe some douche-bags.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

sokillme said:


> Plus douche is a great way to describe some douche-bags.


I must admit, I do enjoy it more when you call people a-holes immediately...Lol!!!


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> @the_guy1245 I never realised that a woman "feeling a little bi-sexual lately" meant that she wanted to have sex with another man.
> 
> +1. Funniest thing I’ve heard all day


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> @the_guy1245 I never realised that a woman "feeling a little bi-sexual lately" meant that she wanted to have sex with another man.


Bi means two, and also means attracted to both sexes, so why not two men? Or one of each! Really, there is nothing contradictory in that statement! lol


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

the_guy1245 said:


> Wife [35 years old] has been bringing up that she feels like she's a little bisexual lately and that she has dreams about having sex with another woman. Yesterday she came up to me [40 years old] and said she's made up her mind and wants to have a threesome with another woman.
> 
> I thought about it and said well why not it could spice up our sex life a little. I said I'm OK with it if you don't mind, and she says, "yes, but not with you, I would like a different guy"
> 
> I feel like this has put the final nail in the coffin for our marriage. I'm so ready to go see a divorce lawyer. How would you react to this?


Sounds like you're out, dude.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Doesn't make a whit of difference. He was willing to let her have sex in front of him with another person. What's the difference if she does it when he ain't there and who cares what the gender of the person she's having extramarital sex with happens to be? Either it's ok she shares sexual pleasure with others or it's not.


He was going to be included he thought originally. That is why he asked if she would be ok with it before he said ok to it. The two of them with the other girl. That is when she told him he wasn’t a part of the threesome.

It is one thing to explore together as a couple. Quite another when your told this isn’t with you.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

LisaDiane said:


> I must admit, I do enjoy it more when you call people a-holes immediately...Lol!!!


This is more a douchey offense.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Not the same in the least. 1 scenario he is an active participant. The other he is sitting home watching TV while she is out having a threeway. Not even a little bit similar.


Its still adultery either way.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

The part I don't get is if you were just going to experiment with a woman to see if you're a little bisexual or not, it's completely illogical you would start with a threesome. I actually kind of get not wanting to involve someone you're in a serious relationship with but only if you're not married. I can certainly see why this would be the death knell.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Its still adultery either way.


Yes technically. When my wife and I participated in threesomes, and this might sound bad, we kind of viewed the women we were with as sex toys. I sometimes feel bad about it in that sense, but at the same time the women were kind of looking at us the same way.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Its a clear no no for us to include anyone else in our marriage. You agreed to adultery first though when it was to be another woman. I guess a women is ok but a man isnt? Bit hypocritical.


Tell it like it is, Brit!


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

TSAR,,,,,,that **** ain’t right my man


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

DudeInProgress said:


> Well, I suspect most people think there’s a hell of a difference in the gender of the person.
> I agree with you that it’s a bad idea either way, but men and women are very different and there is no equivalence between a wife experimenting with another woman in her husband’s presence and a wife getting plowed by another man.


 I know more than one woman who did the FFM thing and reported the sex was far more pleasurable with the other woman than their spouse. So, yeah, the idea it's less of a threat to them because it isn't another guy is utterly ridiculous.



happyhusband0005 said:


> As a person who has experience in this (threesomes with other women) I can say the difference is in the mental approach. In one side you are doing something together as a couple to enhance your relationship.


If they need to add other people as living sex dolls to "enhance" their relationship they might as well just either end it or agree to get their sexual needs met however each chooses. Why play games? Just admit to wanting more and go get it.



Married but Happy said:


> I understand what you're saying, and in the long run you are probably right. However, getting from monogamy to non-monogamy while sustaining a relationship is normally a process. You normally have to build trust with each other before jumping in with both feet. Failing to show consideration for each other is a serious red flag. She is short-circuiting the process, and that's likely because she's ready to leave the OP.


So, basically, boil the frog slowly. Play the game until you've gotten enough spouse credit built up and can go out and have the type of extramarital sex you want?

I kind of respect this woman for saying "I want to do this thing and I want to do it my way, a way I will enjoy." Mostly because I have felt the same way. When the groups sex/open marriage conversation came up many, many, years ago I realized if I were going to be open I wanted my sexual experiences with others to be my own, not shared. As I explained then, if I'm going to share my spouse I want something that is just mine all for me. Also, I would have been inhibited with him there in addition to all the other potential bull that can and does come up in such situations.

Strange to think about now that I have been far removed from that lifestyle for two decades, but since the topic came up today I realized there are quite a few couples I know, including myself, that met their current spouses while either they or said spouse were in open relationships.



jlg07 said:


> I think he meant his wife, another woman and a different man -- NOT HIM at all. So SHE wants to have a threesome and he can go whistle Dixie. But yeah, I agree -- cheating is cheating and the gender doesn't matter.
> She has pretty much told you OP that she doesn't want you at all. I would be seeing a divorce lawyer asap.


Oh, I know. But it doesn't make a difference to my way of thinking. Either it's ok you and/or your spouse have sex with other people or its not. If it is, then whether they're doing it in front of you or while you're at the gym doesn't really matter.


ABHale said:


> He was going to be included he thought originally. That is why he asked if she would be ok with it before he said ok to it. The two of them with the other girl. That is when she told him he wasn’t a part of the threesome.
> 
> It is one thing to explore together as a couple. Quite another when your told this is with you.


In other words, she can have extramarital sex as long as he can, too. Fair enough. So why not let her do her thing with the couple she has in mind and he go out and do his thing with someone on his own? Seems the perfect solution.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> I kind of respect this woman for saying "I want to do this thing and I want to do it my way, a way I will enjoy." Mostly because I have felt the same way. When the groups sex/open marriage conversation came up many, many, years ago I realized if I were going to be open I wanted my sexual experiences with others to be my own, not shared. As I explained then, if I'm going to share my spouse I want something that is just mine all for me. Also, I would have been inhibited with him there in addition to all the other potential bull that can and does come up in such situations.


That's exactly how my wife feels about it as well and she has said it almost exactly like that.

That said it's funny how over the years I can't help but think, though we are not on the same page on absolutely everything. My wife and I align extremely closely with a lot of your perspectives on things.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> I know more than one woman who did the FFM thing and reported the sex was far more pleasurable with the other woman than their spouse. So, yeah, the idea it's less of a threat to them because it isn't another guy is utterly ridiculous.
> 
> 
> If they need to add other people as living sex dolls to "enhance" their relationship they might as well just either end it or agree to get their sexual needs met however each chooses. Why play games? Just admit to wanting more and go get it.
> ...


Because that’s not a situation that is acceptable to him, that’s why. He gets to have his boundaries, whether you like the nuances of them or not, and this one is a perfectly reasonable boundary. His wife wanted to open up the marriage and hinted at scenario A, which he was open to (foolishly in my opinion). She then said no I actually want scenario B, which is clearly not acceptable to him. So he gets to say no to scenario B because that violates his boundary. if she insists, then she is choosing to violate a clear boundary and is therefore choosing to end the marriage (assuming he has the strength and self-respect to file).

Obviously, the fact that she even proposed this in the first place makes it very clear that she’s already done with him so even if she relents for now, it’s only a matter of time.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

MJJEAN said:


> I know more than one woman who did the FFM thing and reported the sex was far more pleasurable with the other woman than their spouse. So, yeah, the idea it's less of a threat to them because it isn't another guy is utterly ridiculous.
> 
> 
> If they need to add other people as living sex dolls to "enhance" their relationship they might as well just either end it or agree to get their sexual needs met however each chooses. Why play games? Just admit to wanting more and go get it.
> ...


People who navigate that world successfully have very specific rules. The ones who are successful are not doing it because something is broken and they are trying to fix it, that always ends in disaster. If you can't agree on the rules you don't do it. So if a wife says I don't want you around because I would feel inhibited and the husband says I'm not comfortable doing things separately you just don't do anything you stick with normal, because if you move forward with a situation like that you get disaster. Usually people who successfully go on their own have built up to that point, everything is baby steps. In the lifestyle you meet all kinds. After you have been around it for a while you can pick out the ones who will do well and those who will crash and burn. The percentage who crash and burn is very high. We got out of it because trying to find unicorns (single women looking for a couple) takes a lot of time and effort, and it isn't really worth the amount of effort it takes.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

WHERE is @maquiscat...?? I always love hearing his perspective on these things!!!


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

LisaDiane said:


> WHERE is @maquiscat...?? I always love hearing his perspective on these things!!!


It's only been up for 9 hours, by this posting. Give me some time. I'm half a century old! I don't move as fast as I used to. 

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

maquiscat said:


> It's only been up for 9 hours, by this posting. Give me some time. I'm half a century old! I don't move as fast as I used to.
> 
> Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


YAY!!!!! Lol!


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

the_guy1245 said:


> Wife [35 years old] has been bringing up that she feels like she's a little bisexual lately and that she has dreams about having sex with another woman. Yesterday she came up to me [40 years old] and said she's made up her mind and wants to have a threesome with another woman.
> 
> I thought about it and said well why not it could spice up our sex life a little. I said I'm OK with it if you don't mind, and she says, "yes, but not with you, I would like a different guy"
> 
> I feel like this has put the final nail in the coffin for our marriage. I'm so ready to go see a divorce lawyer. How would you react to this?


From the sound of that last part, seems like this is not the only problem. If it is then you are a damn lucky man, and I wouldn't let this be any nail in the coffin.

That said, have you asked why doesn't she want you as part of the threesome? What is your issue in this? Is it that you aren't part of it? Would you have agreed if she had wanted a MMF threesome? Is it that you are not getting your own threesome, with or without her?

How new is this bisexual aspect for her? How sure is she of it?
Obviously sexual monogamy is not your issue, else you would not have agreed to it when you thought you would be part of it. Have you considered that she wants to try it, and if she doesn't like it then you've not tried something you want to continue to have but she doesn't?

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

happyhusband0005 said:


> Yes technically. When my wife and I participated in threesomes, and this might sound bad, we kind of viewed the women we were with as sex toys. I sometimes feel bad about it in that sense, but at the same time the women were kind of looking at us the same way.


Well thats very honest but not true. She was a human being and it was still adultery. Bit sad that you saw a woman as just a sex toy.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

maquiscat said:


> From the sound of that last part, seems like this is not the only problem. If it is then you are a damn lucky man, and I wouldn't let this be any nail in the coffin.
> 
> That said, have you asked why doesn't she want you as part of the threesome? What is your issue in this? Is it that you aren't part of it? Would you have agreed if she had wanted a MMF threesome? Is it that you are not getting your own threesome, with or without her?
> 
> ...


Seriously, what about this is hard for you to understand? OP is not willing to share his wife with another man, and that’s OK.

OP never suggested opening up the marriage, his wife did. She suggested a threesome with another woman, that’s scenario A. He was willing to accept scenario A and foolishly agreed. She then said no, I actually want scenario B, which is her sleeping with a woman and another man, while he stays home alone. He’s not ok with scenario B because he doesn’t want to be a pathetic cuckold. Scenario B crosses his boundaries for his marriage and it’s perfectly ok for him to say no.

And he doesn’t have to explain why he’s not willing to share his wife with other men. That should be pretty easily understood.


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## Yoni (Feb 7, 2021)

Seriously...what's wrong with people nowdays...
3 some will broken right away relationship...
You should ask her if she is ok with two girls and you had a 3 some not with her. How she would feel?.....


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

What do you need us for when you have already answered your own question?? 



the_guy1245 said:


> Wife .... "I would like a different guy" ..... this has put the final nail in the coffin for our marriage


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

syhoybenden said:


> What do you need us for when you have already answered your own question??


That is a blatant misrepresentation of his words, with that editing. There is a difference between "this has put in the final nail." and "I feel that this has put in the final nail." The later indicates, along with the fact that he is here questioning this, doubts that this is an absolute for him. If he knew for certain that this was the final nail, he would not waste time, posing the question here.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Picky picky picky.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Yoni said:


> Seriously...what's wrong with people nowdays...
> 3 some will broken right away relationship...
> You should ask her if she is ok with two girls and you had a 3 some not with her. How she would feel?.....


You would think by now that given some of the people on here, you would realize that this is not automatically true. The several of us who have gone through it and continue to go through such things are the proof. That doesn't mean that a success will be had in his case, but we are not assuming it will. We simply out what needs to be looked at, and that it may or may not work. And yes he should be posing that question to her. If she is not willing to allow the very thing for him that she wants for her, then, unless he agrees to it, it is not being fair to him. But then again she might be, "go for it".


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

DudeInProgress said:


> Seriously, what about this is hard for you to understand? OP is not willing to share his wife with another man, and that’s OK.
> 
> OP never suggested opening up the marriage, his wife did. She suggested a threesome with another woman, that’s scenario A. He was willing to accept scenario A and foolishly agreed. She then said no, I actually want scenario B, which is her sleeping with a woman and another man, while he stays home alone. He’s not ok with scenario B because he doesn’t want to be a pathetic cuckold. Scenario B crosses his boundaries for his marriage and it’s perfectly ok for him to say no.
> 
> And he doesn’t have to explain why he’s not willing to share his wife with other men. That should be pretty easily understood.


It is indeed perfectly alright to say no. You will never hear me say otherwise. But the simple fact that he is here asking his questions means that this is not a cut and dry situation. He's ambivalent somewhere along the line. My questions are trying to help him draw out where and why. The end result may be the same, and that's fine. But he will arrive at the conclusion knowing why, and being certain that this "is the final nail" instead of "feeling it might be". What if she proposed that she have a threesome with two other women and him not in it? Where does he stand on that? Is he having issues with him not being part of it? Would her asking for a MMF with him in it be acceptable? These are the questions that allow one to examine what and why they feel it.

And a cuckold is where she is giving it to others and not to him. If he is still getting it, then it is not a cuckold situation. One instance never determines if such a situation exists. Yes, it could end up being the first, but it also might not.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Like, or not like, this OP has one post.
Not so, uncommon.

Ah, maybe another voyeur tossing in red meat, maybe, this is a hand grenade!

Maybe a researcher gaining outsider perspective, for a book, yuck, maybe for a phallic shake-off.

And, in this day and age of hacking, maybe _mining_ for some future extortion.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

syhoybenden said:


> Picky picky picky.


Lol!!!

I think of him more as PRECISE, and I appreciate that about him!


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Come on people. His wife came to him with that request. It’s not like he was trying to get her into a threesome. Why would a man say yes to allowing another man to have his wife. 

His wife has already been with one of the 2 people in question and now wants to take it to the next level without any guilt.

60 years of social engineering aside, men instinctively do not want another man having their wife. I know there are some guys who are indifferent about seeing their wife having sex with another man but that is not a normal male response.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Specificity in this instance, only details the permitted condition of the infidelity.
I say, anything gray, is no longer white.

For some....
If something feels good, and one can rationalize the 'stain' of threesomes away, this makes it OK.

Many men and women would love that sustained-loving gotten from two partners, as opposed to one.
But, only on Sunday, under a full Moon, in February.

Their rationalizing hamster must get the story straight.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

LisaDiane said:


> Lol!!!
> 
> I think of him more as PRECISE, and I appreciate that about him!


LOL!

You enjoy the words, the thought of the act, of the mutual pleasure, with it posed simply, knowing it is not.

Life lived vicariously, is that much safer and simpler.

_The Typist-_


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Why is this still even being discussed?

The OP was either a drive by or didn’t like the responses and left the building. 

And this is so over the top that if the question is even for real, he won’t understand the answers anyway.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Its a clear no no for us to include anyone else in our marriage. You agreed to adultery first though when it was to be another woman. I guess a women is ok but a man isnt? Bit hypocritical.


That's not hypocrisy. He would have been hypocritical if he had a threesome and didn't include his wife, only to turn around and tell her she couldn't do the same. Instead this is a case of him not being included in something his wife wants to do. Hardly hypocritical.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Yoni said:


> Seriously...what's wrong with people nowdays...
> 3 some will broken right away relationship...
> You should ask her if she is ok with two girls and you had a 3 some not with her. How she would feel?.....


She dont care, her boyfriend or girlfriend and GFs hubby wants a 3 some. Her mind thought up this F'ed up scenario to try to get it by him. There may be someone she knows into that or are swingers. 

I have a female employee in breakroom one day. We were all talking about movies and i nentioned borrowing a series from a guy. Shw said, "Did you know he and his wife were swingers?" He had asked her about joining them. I thought yeah i bet you did not tell your hubby that or ole boy would have been found with his face rearranged.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

This thread really reminds me of this:


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

His wife has already been with one of the 2 people in question and now wants to take it to the next level without any guilt.

This right here!!!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Benbutton said:


> That's not hypocrisy. He would have been hypocritical if he had a threesome and didn't include his wife, only to turn around and tell her she couldn't do the same. Instead this is a case of him not being included in something his wife wants to do. Hardly hypocritical.


Its hypocritical that he thinks it ok to have affairs with one sex and not the other.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Its hypocritical that he thinks it ok to have affairs with one sex and not the other.


Did he say it was ok for her to have a threesome with two women and not him?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Tasorundo said:


> Did he say it was ok for her to have a threesome with two women and not him?


He said that having sex with another woman was apparently ok. Either he believes in faithfulness or he doesnt.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> He said that having sex with another woman was apparently ok. Either he believes in faithfulness or he doesnt.


I think be believes it is ok, if he is a part of it.

You are not the ultimate arbiter of what 'faithfulness' means to someone else.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

One way (HIM his wife and someone else) could be perhaps a way of expanding THEIR sexual horizons as a couple (I don't agree with it -- no 3rd parties -- but to each their own).
BUT that is NOT what she wants. She wants to flat out cheat with a DIFFERENT couple and he is left out of everything.
It's pretty simple (not that it matters as OP has left the building).
These two scenarios are completely different.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Its hypocritical that he thinks it ok to have affairs with one sex and not the other.


I would argue from a non religious standpoint that it's not an affair if his wife approached him with wanting to have a threesome, which she did and he agreed to (at that point he was a willing participant). Things changed when he wasn't included, regardless of whether another man was involved or not. This isn't a question of moral high ground, but rather something he reserves the right to do - to change his mind and not be ok with it. The sex act is now completely outside of the marriage and that's the difference.

With all of that being said, it's not something I would be ok with whilst in a committed relationship, especially a marriage.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> I know more than one woman who did the FFM thing and reported the sex was far more pleasurable with the other woman than their spouse. So, yeah, the idea it's less of a threat to them because it isn't another guy is utterly ridiculous.
> 
> 
> If they need to add other people as living sex dolls to "enhance" their relationship they might as well just either end it or agree to get their sexual needs met however each chooses. Why play games? Just admit to wanting more and go get it.
> ...



WTH????

I never said it was right. But it is pretty messed up for his wife to lead him on saying she might be bi. Then to spring on him that she wants to **** another couple without out him. That is just messed up to no end. She was basically wanting his permission to cheat.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Tasorundo said:


> I think be believes it is ok, if he is a part of it.
> 
> You are not the ultimate arbiter of what 'faithfulness' means to someone else.


I think the context she was shooting for is to not being an adulterer. There @Diana7 i fixed it for you.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> Why is this still even being discussed?
> 
> The OP was either a drive by or didn’t like the responses and left the building.
> 
> And this is so over the top that if the question is even for real, he won’t understand the answers anyway.


Ah, it gives us a chance to exercise our jaws, our naws and yays, our mores, and our typing two-pinkies.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This type of post (open marriage) draws the most attention.
Ask yourself why!

That _forbidden fruit _becoming available_._


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

90 replies and OP hasn't been back. I'd say he probably isn't coming back.

I don't understand these drive bys.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

There is no open marriage as open as one that ends in divorce.

If there are agreed boundaries and one party or the other wants to dissolve them and the other does not, dissolve the marriage and then both parties are free. Doubtful the selfish party will want this choice but beggars can't be choosers.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Her wanting another woman AND another man involved indicates that she has already picked the other two people. I am thinking that the other woman has told your wife that a threesome is OK but it has to be with HER male partner.......thus no husband allowed.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Divinely Favored said:


> *His wife has already been with one of the 2 people in question *and now wants to take it to the next level without any guilt.
> 
> This right here!!!


Where did he ever say that?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Livvie said:


> 90 replies and OP hasn't been back. I'd say he probably isn't coming back.
> 
> I don't understand these drive bys.


No, but these poster's understand other's _here, _well, not caring a lick about_ you._

A drive-by poster is more interested in the responses and the banter, not in discourse.
Of, course.

Threesomes and other titillating threads seem more the favored bombs, to drop. 

Sure, we can think them_ trolls_, they can be that, or they can be, just shy, sly, a far-cry from talkative.

I too, wish they would be more responsible and to post more than once. 
At least that would give the semblance of legitimacy. 

We, the beggars, choose to be picky, alas, for naught.

In the end, I suspect (this type) can expound easily enough, but cannot compound a full narrative.

All they do is confound the rest of us.
And astound, one too many.


_The Typist- _


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