# stay at home mom



## 3ducks (Jan 24, 2014)

I am a stay at home mom for about 5 of the 7 years we have been married with 3 kids. 14, 7 and 2. I am seriously considering divorce. There are a lot of reasons. First we spend no time alone except the wham bam thank you mam moments, he has also let himself go. He doesn't brush his teeth, more than a few are missing. Second it seems as though he wants to keep me dependent. I lost my drivers lisence 10 years ago. 3 years ago I was able to go in front of the examination board to tryto getit back and every year since he has said that we will get a lawyer for me but there is always something else to do first. Third he is very critical of me and our children. He always has something to say tomake him sound like the smart guy when he actually just sounds likeadumbass.
I am so afraid of how I will support my children if I go through with it.
Any sugestions?


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## blackdog (Dec 18, 2013)

So, you were in the workforce at one time then. Is there an occupation that you are good at? One that you enjoy?

I would suggest that you try communicating with him first, but from what you say it sounds like he is possibly the type that does not like to talk about your relationship at all.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

3ducks said:


> I am a stay at home mom for about 5 of the 7 years we have been married with 3 kids. 14, 7 and 2. I am seriously considering divorce. There are a lot of reasons. First we spend no time alone except the wham bam thank you mam moments, he has also let himself go. He doesn't brush his teeth, more than a few are missing. Second it seems as though he wants to keep me dependent. I lost my drivers lisence 10 years ago. 3 years ago I was able to go in front of the examination board to tryto getit back and every year since he has said that we will get a lawyer for me but there is always something else to do first. Third he is very critical of me and our children. He always has something to say tomake him sound like the smart guy when he actually just sounds likeadumbass.
> I am so afraid of how I will support my children if I go through with it.
> Any sugestions?


Find a small affordable apartment in a city where there are both jobs, educational opportunity, good before and after school care, a summer rec program for children, and excellent public transportation. Don't try to keep the house (if you have one.) Big mistake a lot of women make when they know they are going to have to work. Small apartment is best. Kids adjust, happy mom = happy well-adjusted kids. You set the example. 

You can call a cab to go to see an attorney. Hopefully you have access to some kind of money. If you don't then call a woman's advocacy group and ask for assistance in getting to legal representation and some guidance. Depending where you live, you are probably entitled to some of the marital assets.

Maybe you'd be interested in training to be a dental hygienist or chairside assistant, phlebotomy... There are good tech schools you can attend, also medical coding is another job that always seems in demand. Usually if you can go to a place like Kelly Services you can take on-line training on their computers, while waiting for temp job placement. But first things first...

You might also want to explore public assistance programs, as if you end up separated and waiting for divorce and not getting quite enough support in meantime, you can usually get something to get you buy in the way of food, cash, housing assistance...if your H has the money the State will make sure they get it back from him...if he is ordered to pay support and doesn't. Don't let him cow you down.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Do you tell him that you are unhappy? What does he say when you do? Does he name call? Swear? How do the kids feel about him?


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## cagedrat (Jan 12, 2014)

He has spent this marriage trying to make you feel dependent. You are strong enough to raise three children without much help from him. YOU CAN DO THIS! You need to find out your legal rights first. Either go through legal aid or pay for a lawyer with a credit card, or loan from family. Be creative in your thinking to get yourself the help you need. KNOWLEDGE is power, and when you know your legal rights and what you can expect financially in the divorce, you can start to plan for how to provide for you and your children.

If you have any interest in reconciling, at least attempt to get him to seek counseling with you. At least you will know in your own mind that you tried. Keep us posted.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

3ducks said:


> I am a stay at home mom for about 5 of the 7 years we have been married with 3 kids. 14, 7 and 2. I am seriously considering divorce. There are a lot of reasons. First we spend no time alone except the wham bam thank you mam moments, he has also let himself go. He doesn't brush his teeth, more than a few are missing. Second it seems as though he wants to keep me dependent. I lost my drivers lisence 10 years ago. 3 years ago I was able to go in front of the examination board to tryto getit back and every year since he has said that we will get a lawyer for me but there is always something else to do first. Third he is very critical of me and our children. He always has something to say tomake him sound like the smart guy when he actually just sounds likeadumbass.
> I am so afraid of how I will support my children if I go through with it.
> Any sugestions?


Only you can keep yourself dependent. Divorce, at least initially, is not the answer here. You sound like he does. Two people who don't take care of themselves. After divorce, all you will have is two people who are separate that don't take care of themselves. Right now, it is possible to change while in your marriage and have somewhat of an influence to get him to change. Divorce, and you will be a single mom of 3 kids struggling..........

It's just reality. Do what you need to do to stand as a whole individual while you are married. If he doesn't change after you have, leave.


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