# NC is hard!!



## Sunflower Faerie (Jun 6, 2011)

Having a bit of a down day today. I had decided to implement my own 180 after H told me last week that just a few weeks after moving out, he had started a new relationship. I told him I wanted NC with him at all unless it centred on the kids, no texts, no calls, no nothing. I do have to answer the phone to him every night when he calls to speak to the kids and I need to see him when he picks them up for his day with them and then drops them off again.

So far its been ok but total NC is very hard. My 2yo son keeps saying new things and I keep wanting to text him with the new words my son says. When my 5yo does or says something funny, I again find myself wanting to talk to him about it the way we used to.

I was so hoping that we could maybe reconcile after he had moved out. For the most part, our marriage was good but a number of things just built up and he wasn't willing to compromise in any way. I honestly feel that he didn't do anything because he didn't want the marriage to work. He says otherwise, but there is NOTHING I would not have done to fix it. I love(d) my husband and wanted to work things out. Unfortunately, as soon as he had sex with someone else the same month he moved out, he destroyed any chance we had at working things through.

Does NC get any easier to deal with? I just don't trust myself to talk to him at the moment because I am so angry and hurt with him.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Blech, the having a new gf thing is a gross thought. That has to suck  I just assume my stbx has moved on so I don't get any "...if only he would come back" type feelings.

NC is getting easier for me. The first few weeks I was exactly like you-"OH I have to tell...wait no I don't." That wasn't even kid related stuff so it's gotta be a lot harder.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

yes, for me it is getting easier. Hard to put a timeline on though, I was miserable and clingy from the time wife announced she checked out at end of march, through when I found out about the affairs (that coincidentally started happening a few days before she "checked out for good") at the beginning of may (on the seventh anniversary of the day I proposed) and it wasn't until the end of May that I stopped being a big crybaby. So like two months of grieving for me, though all the other losses (loss of extended family, loss of certain mutual friends, dealing with my family who is now grieving the loss etc) are still ongoing, I can handle them - people probably think I'm a little insensitive but they weren't all there when I was at the lowest. And of course marriage hasn't been good for long time so didn't take much to bottom out.

Anyways, yeah for me it is easy to NC, except at a business-like level. It helps that I have little respect left for her, and that she has chosen to leave my many good traits to avoid a couple bad ones, that are largely temporary. So chin up!!


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## Sunflower Faerie (Jun 6, 2011)

This is where I have been very lucky! Any mutual friends we had have sided with me, his family have kept in touch without taking sides and my family is very firmly in my corner! I think this is possibly why he has hooked up with someone straight away, he has nothing left in his life any more! Not that it makes things any easier, if anything it just proves to me how pathetic he is and just how much he has thrown away. 

It didn't need to come to this and I will always blame him for destroying my family!


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

It really does get much easier. Just today I realized I had not thought about my H all day. I have to make myself think about him and the SD now. When that was all that consumned me for every minute of my awaking. Tomorrow will be 11 weeks since the slime ball left. But I don't care, I don't need him to make my world go around.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

It does get easier. I'm on day 10 of no contact and I am so proud of myself. I feel a lot better when I don't spend ever waking minute worrying about him or what he could be doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sunflower Faerie (Jun 6, 2011)

Thank god it gets easier, obviously if there weren't kids involved it would be easier to do total NC but the kids need their dad and there is no way I will do anything to affect the relationship they have with him however I will not talk to him about anything else!

Maybe in time it will get easier to talk to him, but at the moment, I'm still feeling a bit raw from the whole situation and have gone into self preservation mode!


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

I had a similar day yesterday, and began the same today. Wanted to talk to him via e mail. This site is my saviour. i am in a similar situation to yoy 4 weeks husband has left. He is in another relationship, which I am sure started before he left. I just want to talk to the 'old him'. But I hate the othe deceitful side of him, and the two are not separate, but all part of him.

I am inspired by other's posts and again will not contact him. One day at a time. Be strong!


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