# Show proof to DS parents?



## tam8145 (Apr 6, 2011)

Hi all, I have been posting over in the "Going Thru Separation" forum and this is my first thread in Infidelity. D-Day was 4/1. My cheating wife moved out last week to continue the EA. She is in heavy fog with no end in sight. I need some help deciding if I should expose to her parents.

My wife's EA is a long-distance deal, OM lives 500 miles away. All communication is email, text and phone. One night while she was still in my house, she left out for the evening and failed to lock her laptop. I spent 2 hours reading thru some of the emails. I took about 50 screenshot pictures. The emails definitely prove an affair with plans for physical activity when they can meet. My wife does not know I have the email screenshots.

I have not spoken to her parents since D-Day. We have had a good relationship during our 14-yr marriage. I know for a fact my cheating wife says we're splitting because she cannot handle me anymore. She has lied to all her family about how terrible a husband I am. Her family knows about OM, but he is perceived as just a friend helping my wife cope - that's scripted isn't it! 

Should I show the email screenshots to her parents/family?

Yesterday I found a neighbor who is a 2-time DS and reconciled with his wife - 20yrs now. His advice is show her parents ASAP. I asked a close confidant and my brother - they both say DO NOT SHOW and just take the high road. My wife needs a shock and this could start the process.

Any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks TAM'ers - y'all are the best!


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I would show them. I would tell everyone, her friends her family.. all of them. I would make her fess up to the affair and own up to her part in the marriages demise. Don't let her shift all the blame to you, and making the OM a friend thats helping her through this pffffffft. 

TELL TELL TELL


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

She is gaslighting you and you are enabling her by not telling the truth, get the message out fast that the reason why your marriage is falling apart is her adultery and show her family the evidence and timeline. Name the OM. Do not mess about add her friends to the list as well, you must not take the rap for a failed marriage if she is cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Lilyana said:


> I would show them. I would tell everyone, her friends her family.. all of them. I would make her fess up to the affair and own up to her part in the marriages demise. Don't let her shift all the blame to you, and making the OM a friend thats helping her through this pffffffft.
> 
> TELL TELL TELL


:iagree: And the sooner the better!


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

The only highroad is the truth , why would anyone want you to be dishonest. Is the OM married or in a relationship, if so tell his wife or girlfriend, ensure his friends are told he is actively involved in an affair with your wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tam8145 (Apr 6, 2011)

OM lives 500 miles away. My wife says he has a "live-in girlfriend" (means he's married) and I cannot find her. I have all OM info, but I have no clue who his "girlfriend" is...


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

what purpose would there be to NOT show them? I dont understand why you would consider enabling her to continue her affair and allow her to continue to gaslight everyone around both of you???


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Definitely sit down with them and talk to them. I would also lean strongly toward showing them the proof, especially if they give you any indication they believe he is "just a friend". 

I had that with my mother-in-law last night. I have the voicemail password now on the affair phone (a prepaid phone purchased for the sole purpose of contacting OM). She was acting like I was blowing it out of proportion. I told some of what was in the voice mail and got the phone. I said, "Here, we'll call it right now and put it on speaker phone." She kind of grimaced and said, "I don't want to hear it." However, just knowing the content and that I had proof to show her changed her attitude quickly. 

The point is that once you see something or hear something you can never un-see it or un-hear it. You have to decide if that is something they actually have to see. Just knowing the content and the fact that you have the proof available to show them may be enough.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Look at the OM's Facebook account, make every effort to find her , if you can't then post for more pointers. Your biggest ally will be the girlfriend. Ensure the family know the only reason she has left is because of the affair
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tam8145 (Apr 6, 2011)

The OM and my wife are not connected on FB. I have looked for him, but he has a very common name. I found him on Twitter, but he hasn't posted anything in over a year. I looked thru his followers and who he follows, but couldn't find anyone that would be his girlfriend/wife. If I could find her, I would definitely expose to her.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Do you know his parents? Or can you find them
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

If needs be if you have his address travel to his home , wait for the girlfriend then have a polite face to face and give her a copy of the evidence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

By all means get that girlfriend's name, address, and phone number. I had a lot of luck with various people searches--like Intelius. Many times those reports will tell you who also lives at the same address. You know the OM's name, city, and approximate age. That's a good place to start.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

When I found my husbands emails to the OW I immediatly started forwarding them to my sister for safe keeping, my older sons, for safekeeping, they just happened to be standing over my shoulder as I did this. I also included his mother for the first 10 or 12 then my heart got the best of me and I felt horrible for letting her see what her son was saying and doing to me and her grandchildren. I stopped sending to her and called my SIL to run to her house and delete them before she could read them. Of course the worst had already happened and SIL found her reading them. 
Lets just say I still haven't forgiven myself for letting her read them with no choice first. I do not regret letting her know what her golden boy had done. 
If you are going to tell them, print out the letters. Explain in person that Wife left you because your marriage was failing. This is absolutly the truth. Your marriage has failed. Then proceed to explain that you would like to try and stay married, seek council, but that Wifey has been having an email affair and wants out. Lay down the letters and walk away. It is then up to her parents to see what she has said and done. They may not need to read them to know that she has been cheating. They probably know her will enough to have seen through her stories.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

tam8145 said:


> The OM and my wife are not connected on FB. I have looked for him, but he has a very common name. I found him on Twitter, but he hasn't posted anything in over a year. I looked thru his followers and who he follows, but couldn't find anyone that would be his girlfriend/wife. If I could find her, I would definitely expose to her.


Did you check for OM thru your account, or were you logged into her facebook account? It's possible that he has blocked you, then you wouldn't be able to see if they are connected.

I agree with everyone else that you should expose her EA (soon to be PA) to her family and all friends. She had demonized you to her family and you need to set the record straight. Inform them that it is common for cheaters to rewrite the marital history and demonize the spouse in order for them to justify their affairs to themselves. There is the possibility that they might help put pressure on her and help her lift out of the fog.


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