# How can I go on?



## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

My wife and I have been together for 8 wonderful years. We have 2 children who are 6 and 4. There have been a few ups and downs but nothing really major. Until recently. My wife thought it would be fun to do kickboxing courses to get into shape. I explained to her that do to my increased work schedule I would not be able to attend the course with her, but I would pay for a sitter so that she can go alone. She agreed. My wife ended up going to a facility that teaches kickboxing,krav maga,and brazilian jiu jitsu. The main instructor "james" is supposedly one of the best in the world. From what I hear he trains the local police SWAT team in unarmed hand to hand combat and he also trains both united states and british special forces. Everyone loves this guy because he is a part time firefighter and is still listed as a military contractor with Blackwater. Needles to say, he's a pretty scary guy. So anyway after a month or so into my wifes training, I noticed my wife acting differently. She was less passionate with me, and she would come home at 10 or 11pm. Her training was over by 8pm so I questioned her as to why she comes in as late as she does. She explained to me that she has been really stressed out lately and the instructor "james" is a shoulder she can cry on. Well come to find out, james has a degree in psychology but he only has his BA so that does not make him a clinical therapist. I asked her what was it that was bothering her and she said that she isn't happy and needs more excitement in her life. I offered to pay for a vacation but she declined. I poured out my heart to her and told her that if there is anything that I need to change to just let me know. Then one day we were taking the kids to get some pizza and some idiot cuts me off and pulls into a parking space that I had been waiting for. I was upset but I just found another space to park. She got irate! Saying that I'm not man enough for her and that james would have beat this guy up and down the street etc. She even made the comment that she married a wimp. Well I'm 5ft 8 and about 165 lbs and james is 6ft 2 and built like a bulldozer. So of course his chances in taking down a random guy in the street is much higher than mine. Then came d day. I was supposed to be out of town on business but my trip ended early because the final meeting was cancelled. I had went out and bought a beautiful diamond bracelet to suprise my wife with as well as gifts for the kids. When I pulled into the driveway I saw a strange car in the driveway but I didn't think anything of it because she has girlfriends that come over on a regular basis. When I came into the house it was dark and really quiet but I could hear the tv on very faintly in our bedroom. I also head a few gasps and whimpering noises. When I poked my head in the door I saw an image that will haunt me for the rest of my life. My wife and james were in OUR bed naked, and she was on top of him riding him. Her eyes were closed and she was making weird noises. A let out a shriek out of both shock and panic. She immediately jumped up and screamed. Then james who is still laying down on his back just calmy looks at me and says "get out". I was enraged. I told him that this is my house, I pay the bills so he needs to get out RIGHT NOW! He replies by saying "I'm not gonna tell you again, now get the F out of here". I don't know what came over me but I grabbed a book from the shelf I was standing near and flung it at him as hard as I can. It missed him but he jumped off of the bed and attacked me like a wild animal. He punched me 2 or 3 times and I got really dizzy and fell down. I think I blacked out but I'm not sure because it all happened so fast,but I know my knees were shaking and I couldn't stand up and I threw up. My wife went and got an ice pack and helped me into the bed. She was crying saying she is sorry but she dosent love me anymore and that she loves him and they are going to be together. She said that I can still live at the house so I can still see the kids everyday but I have to sleep in the guestroom. Her father owns our house so I really don't have much of a say so. I did not sleep at all that night. She left with james and did not come back until the next day. She and james picked the kids up from her parents house where they had been staying and brought them home to me. When james walks in he has a weird grin on his face and he looks at me and says "no hard feelings right". Then he sticks his hand out to shake my hand. I just glare at him and ask him how he would feel if I told other members of the community who highly respected him as to what he was doing with my WIFE. He replies "I wouldn't do that unless you want your kids to grow up without a father". "Just to let you know I have enough experience to easily hit you with a .50 cal rifle from over 500 yards away." At that point I told him he is threatening me and that's a felony. He just laughed and said " yea its my word agaist yours, who are they gonna believe, me or a little pee on like you?" I told him I might be a pee on but at least I have morals. He just brushed past me and went into the bedroom and shut the door. My wife of course followed. Since then he has been over here almost everyday. I have been in the guestroom. I haven't eaten or slept and I'm extremely depressed. She already has given me the divorce papers to sign but I am just holding on to that last bit of hope that she is in the "fog" and this man is a really bad man. He gets thrills out of wrecking other mens lives. My dilema is that I know I have to move on but I don't know how. HELP!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

VAR - get his threats on tape.


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## GTA06 (Feb 17, 2012)

The most lethal OM I have read till date............


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

1) Inform the police that this man has made threats against your life.
2) get a voice activated recorder and keep it on your person anytime he talks to you
3) expose the hell out of them both-all his employers,police prescient, her family
4) file for divorce and find a new place to live ASAP, I don't know how you could put up with the status quo.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

Do you have a lawyer? If not, you need to get one quickly. This psycho OM should NOT be anywhere near your children. And even if your W's father owns the home, would he approve of a psycho around his grandchildren? 

This OM is clearly dangerous and I agree with the poster that said you need to buy yourself a couple Voice Activated Recorders and get this idiot on tape for your own protection.

I'd bet money that one day he's going to put his hands on your wife too. What is she even thinking?! She's fine with OM beating you up? Unbelievable. I'm sorry you're dealing with such a horrific situation. 

Lawyer up and fast.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Research the OM, does he have a criminal background? Also get a restraining order so he can't come near you, the house, or the kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

VARs, then report him.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I agree and talk to a lawyer ASAP, expose to her parents and if you have to take out a restraining order on him. She can't have him in the house when you are there. I don't know what state you are in but since this is your residence it doesn't matter that her parents own the house, she can't just kick you out. 
Please be careful, I think a lawyer and a counselor is your best bet along with maybe going to a domestic abuse place and seeing if they can help you with filing orders and staying safe. She is allowing someone to abuse you. 
I'm so sorry, she sounds like such a cruel, awful horrible woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

I usually don't condone violence but this story is pushing it...

Jason Lawyer up, NOW. Call the cops the first time he gets violent with you.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Also find out if your state has court records online, get as much as you can on this man. He surely has a criminal past. You need to protect yourself and your kids. If you have the money talk to a lawyer about doing a full background check.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

OMG. He's already been assaulted. Get out now. Go to the police now! Get a RO.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

keko said:


> I usually don't condone violence but this story is pushing it...
> 
> Jason Lawyer up, NOW. Call the cops the first time he gets violent with you.


Agree with you completely, when he stuck out his hand and said "no hard feelings, right", it's very hard not to get murderous at that stage.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Ain't buying this One?


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> Research the OM, does he have a criminal background? Also get a restraining order so he can't come near you, the house, or the kids.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 I don't think he has a criminal background because he still has a security clearance. I will be honest and say I am afraid to expose him because what I know he is capable of. Even if I did try to go to the cops they wouldn't believe me because this guy is always extremely polite and professional in public. A VAR would do me no good at this point because he hasn't threatened me since. He's actually been really cordial to me lately. He was BBQ some burgers and ribs last weekend and actually went out of his way to offer me a plate. Which I declined. I don't want to leave our house because then I may lose any custody to my kids. At this point in my life they are my main priority. And to his credit he does not interfere with me and the kids. I just wish that she could snap out of this fog and see this guy for what he is. He's not a woman beater but he sleeps with multiple women I know for a fact. When he finally breaks her heart I know she will come running back to me, but why do I have to wait?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Monroe (Jun 21, 2012)

Get a VAR... keep it on you at all times.

Out your wife to her family.

Out the OM to his place of business.

Talk to an attorney...


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

RWB said:


> Ain't buying this One?


Always in the back of your mind.

I wouldn't be intimidated by a security clearance. I'd be at a lawyer's so fast and filing an assault charge, etc. Once you file charges saying he will have you shot, what, he's going to get away with it? That is why we live in a society with laws. And don't tell me the town is too small, that just means you need a lawyer from out of town. Read bigtimemess's thread, he has an RO and even his wife can't contact him now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

troll for sure


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## Monroe (Jun 21, 2012)

Not to sound mean... but what do you think this is doing to your kids? Mommy and daddy live together but mommy's special friend hangs out at the house all the time. It is really going to mess with their heads.

Does your wife work? Do you have a joint checking/savings account? You need to get your financial stuff in order.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Lawyer up.
Expose WW to the world. Parents, friends, whatever.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

slater said:


> troll for sure


Dude if you aren't here to help then just leave. You probably haven't been through anything in life to realize that these events actually happen to real people. I wouldn't wish this situation on my worst enemy. But maybe something similar will happen in your life that would make you rethink your negative comments.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Btw rwb i was agreeing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

This sounds like a highly dangerous situation, and I can't imagine what your wife is thinking of bringing that guy into your home. Both their behaviours are vilely abusive, to say the least.

I'd get along to the police station, get an Order restraining the OM from coming anywhere near you and your children and see an Attorney asap.

Your wife's behaviour towards you is beyond disrespectful.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> This sounds like a highly dangerous situation, and I can't imagine what your wife is thinking of bringing that guy into your home. Both their behaviours are vilely abusive, to say the least.
> 
> I'd get along to the police station, get an Order restraining the OM from coming anywhere near you and your children and see an Attorney asap.
> 
> Your wife's behaviour towards you is beyond disrespectful.


The kids do not know anything. We have done an excellent job keeping our affairs quiet. She does work only part time. We have joint accounts but she's not the type of person to steal money from me or anything like that. She's not a horrible person. I put her and my family second to my job and as a result I pushed her farther away from me and she was manipulated by this other man. True I didn't make her cheat. But I did contribute to her intrest in seeking fufillment elsewhere. Had I decided to cut my hours down to about 50 hours a week instead of 60, and go to the kickboxing classes to begin with,I wouldn't be here. But the past is the past. At this point I just want my family back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I'm sorry, Jason, but, with respect, you're not going to get your wife back by tolerating that sort of behaviour from her. If she's not prepared to get rid of the OM and concentrate on working on the marriage with you (possibly with the help of an MC), I can only see things escalating and getting worse. 

You might well have made mistakes in the past, but nothing you could have done deserves what you're experiencing right now.

I'm sorry you're going through this.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Sound too much like a fetish story.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

File.
Get really out.
What are your plans for kids?


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Jason,

If you approach the police with an attitude of calm, serious control, they will be very likely to take these threats very seriously. They understand the types of behaviors that some men like the OM are prone to having, espectially "contractors". In fact, there is a natural skepticism of these types. You are a rational, law abiding citizen who has been threatened in your own home. Get the VAR, and carry it. Call the police, or better yet, go in person so that they can see that you are serious.

There are a couple of members here who are in law enforcement, and can guide you more effectively, but you have options. Its your word over a man who is not your wife's husband. He is "occupying " your home and threatening you. Suggest that he has taken advantage of her right mind. Tell them that without pressure, your wife would never behave this way. The goal is to get some space from him, for now. Reveal the threats of killing you. From my own experience in a company that recruits former agents with technical training, the rules for those who served directly in the government were different enough that we avoided contract people. I'm no expert on the field side of operations, but there is a lack of credibility, in a sense, with this guy's job that the police will be very aware of.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

:sleeping:


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> File.
> Get really out.
> What are your plans for kids?


Ok I need help getting my marriage back and the only responses that I get is to leave. What happened to for better or worse? I want my wife back. Period. My kids are fine and always will be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

jasonh said:


> Ok I need help getting my marriage back and the only responses that I get is to leave. What happened to for better or worse? I want my wife back. Period. My kids are fine and always will be.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Jason, if you want your marriage back, first you have to convince your W that she needs to get rid of the OM. In the meanwhile, though, you need to protect yourself, both physically and mentally, by making sure this man does not step foot inside your home. This is why you need to visit the police. Urgently. Your kids aren't going to be fine if they don't have a father, and this guy has threatened to kill you.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Halien said:


> Jason,
> 
> If you approach the police with an attitude of calm, serious control, they will be very likely to take these threats very seriously. They understand the types of behaviors that some men like the OM are prone to having, espectially "contractors". In fact, there is a natural skepticism of these types. You are a rational, law abiding citizen who has been threatened in your own home. Get the VAR, and carry it. Call the police, or better yet, go in person so that they can see that you are serious.
> 
> There are a couple of members here who are in law enforcement, and can guide you more effectively, but you have options. Its your word over a man who is not your wife's husband. He is "occupying " your home and threatening you. Suggest that he has taken advantage of her right mind. Tell them that without pressure, your wife would never behave this way. The goal is to get some space from him, for now. Reveal the threats of killing you. From my own experience in a company that recruits former agents with technical training, the rules for those who served directly in the government were different enough that we avoided contract people. I'm no expert on the field side of operations, but there is a lack of credibility, in a sense, with this guy's job that the police will be very aware of.


I am taking a diplomatic approach to OM but I am still doing my homework. I refuse to fight fire with fire, instead I am slowly collecting enough evidence to go to authorities. For instance I found out that he uses anabolic steroids. I actually was able to take a photo of the bottle. I have it very safely hidden. Once I also heard him saying some really ignorant and racist remarks about a local officer who is jewish. I plan on getting a VAR and baiting him into a coversation about this guy and then letting the other guy hear the tape. I need to build up my allies before I strike back. But once I do I'm sure he will be out of my life, without a job and hopefully in jail.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

He's screwing your wife, on your bed, in front of you and you're talking about baiting him? WTF.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I highly suggest that you seek counseling with a trained professional with experience in helping people suffering with the trauma of marital infidelity. I also caught my then ex-wife having sex with the OM, though not in real time like you (found a video of her and the OM having sex).

You are in a fog of your own and most likely suffering from KISA (Knight In Shinning Armor) syndrome. There is no way that you are going to make your wife end her affair with the OM because she is too sexually and emotionally attracted to him and doesn't see you (least of all respect you) as a man and the father of her children. She is a lost case my friend and the sooner your accept this truth the quicker you can emotionally recover and move on with your life, and your children's, *without her*. Let the OM have her, they deserve each other.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

You should divorce your wife because even if you manage to get this guy out of your life there will always be next guy.
Whats to stop her from cuckolding you again after he is gone because you are showing her that you will put with all that.

And this guy will probably leave by himself when he gets bored of her as he probably doesn't want some long term relationship with her.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

keko said:


> He's screwing your wife, on your bed, in front of you and you're talking about baiting him? WTF.


Forget it keko, the guy took over his house and his wife. His wife is right, he is not able to stand up and defend what is his. She'll never return to him. She lost all respect for him and lets the OM dominate him. He is in fear of his life. I'd never be caught in a fox hole with this guy.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

keko said:


> He's screwing your wife, on your bed, in front of you and you're talking about baiting him? WTF.


First off, after the incident when I caught them having sex in our home, they never had sex in our home again. EVER. She does spend the night at his house a few days out of the week, but when he comes over here they pretty much just hang out in the living room and watch tv. They don't kiss or hug or anything like that while at our house. Out of respect for me she set those boundaries first and foremost. This woman is not a monster. She is going through a painful period of her life. And once the fog clears. We will prevail.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

jasonh;889367 This woman is not a monster. She is going through a painful period of her life. And once the fog clears. We will prevail.
[size=1 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/size]


You have got to be kidding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You may want to read the following


> Poor clueless bastard post 849230 and Poor clueless bastard post 850831
> 
> If your friend wants to persue getting him into trouble, the best thing to figure out is whether or not he's Active Duty military, works for the Department of Defense (DOD) or for a contractor.
> 
> ...


She is right. As one who used to have a security clearance, I can tell you that no one who has one wants to even appear to have run afoul of the the law for there is more than a good chance that it will be revoked and never again obtained.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Absolutely! Never be scared of someone who has a security clearance. They have something to lose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> Forget it keko, the guy took over his house and his wife. His wife is right, he is not able to stand up and defend what is his. She'll never return to him. She lost all respect for him and lets the OM dominate him. He is in fear of his life. I'd never be caught in a fox hole with this guy.


It takes more of a man to control his emotions and walk away from a fight than to run around fighting like a caveman. If I were to pick up and leave my kids then that would make me a COWARD. Which I am not. This site is called talk about marriage, not talk about DIVORCE. Yet it seems like the only responses I get are telling me to alienate myself from my wife. How ironic. Well if you think that I'm going to run away from my family like a coward than you are truley mistaken. Marriage is not easy but its beneficial for those who are in it together for the long haul. At this point all I would like to hear is positive responses please. Thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Last I checked marriage is between two people not three. What you have is a swinger club where you're letting your wife's boyfriend into the house. Until you stop that, you wont get back your old marriage back.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I really feel bad for this guy, he thinks we're somehow against him because we're telling him to be assertive. He really believes women respond to his passiveness and his wife will ultimately realise what a noble gentleman he is for taking the "diplomatic approach" as he puts it. 

Jason read this over and over again



anchorwatch said:


> Forget it keko, the guy took over his house and his wife. His wife is right, he is not able to stand up and defend what is his. She'll never return to him. She lost all respect for him and lets the OM dominate him.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Positive responses are tough to come up with, that's all. Staying in your home while your wife freely carries on another relationship, flaunting it in your own home, with no regard for HER family...now THAT is far weaker than saying "I won't take this from your or anyone" and proving it by being prepared to divorce her.

My ex cheated and treated me with no respect, no matter how hard I tried...I divorced her and am incredibly happy with my life now. Because I have my dignity (not to mention a great new lady who actually treats me like a man). You are cheating yourself out of any self worth if you continue to let her run rampant over you. That's all. People aren't encouraging divorce because they want your marriage to fail...they are doing so because your wife already dropped a nuke on the marriage and clearly couldn't give a crap about it. So if you think waiting around for her to stop banging the dojo master, still paying all her bills and for the love of god, you being relegated to the guest room (for some reason), then no one will be able to help you. Good luck, and at least try to listen to these people. Read some other threads, stat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

To put it another way: your wife has apparently chosen a large martial arts expert as her BF, and (if we are to believe you) he comes over and hangs out since you caught them sleeping together.

There are many ways to assert yourself, and most don't involve martial arts. That's why we don't live in cave man times any more. Some of the most powerful men in the world would lose to me at thumbwrestling.

I have never heard of the OM coming over and spending time at the marital home. That is why I doubt your story. But I defer to vets, they may be able to think of an example. It strains credulity that you don't kick them both out with the help of police. Then maybe your wife would respect you again.

This thread reminds me of the guy who punched the preacher, the theme is similar. Time for a word frequency analyzer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

jasonh said:


> It takes more of a man to control his emotions and walk away from a fight than to run around fighting like a caveman. If I were to pick up and leave my kids then that would make me a COWARD. Which I am not. This site is called talk about marriage, not talk about DIVORCE. Yet it seems like the only responses I get are telling me to alienate myself from my wife. How ironic. Well if you think that I'm going to run away from my family like a coward than you are truley mistaken. Marriage is not easy but its beneficial for those who are in it together for the long haul. At this point all I would like to hear is positive responses please. Thank you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Jason, I feel for you, but your waiting for something to happen that is as unlikely as winning a lottery. 

The advice was to defend your family and marriage by contacting the authorities. This will kept him away from you and her. You refuse to do so. You stated it was out of fear of what the OM could do. 

The advice that your wife is not coming back is based on the fact that: She has no respect for you and lets the OM dominate you. This is evidenced by the fact she is banging the OM and flaunting him in your house. You allow that. 

These facts are as clear as day. The idea that if you wait this out she will love you again is too far fetched for anyone to envision. The only way you have a chance at this is to stand up for yourself. You refuse to do that. Hence the thought, you have no chance and should save what little self respect you have and divorce. I'm sorry for your situation, but most would have stepped forward at the first assault and got help from the law. That's how society works, not with threats of violence.

What ever happens, I wish you and your family well.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

jasonh said:


> I don't think he has a criminal background because he still has a security clearance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not for long, I think.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

jasonh said:


> First off, after the incident when I caught them having sex in our home, they never had sex in our home again. EVER. She does spend the night at his house a few days out of the week, but when he comes over here they pretty much just hang out in the living room and watch tv. They don't kiss or hug or anything like that while at our house. Out of respect for me she set those boundaries first and foremost. This woman is not a monster. She is going through a painful period of her life. And once the fog clears. We will prevail.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


People are telling you to divorce because the only proven way to get your wife out of the fog she is in is to show her that you will be fine without her. If she is not too far gone already it might work. But from your comments I think she was gone a long time ago and you just cannot admit it.

We all know you are hurting, we all know you want your wife and family back the way it was. Sorry but that is not going to happen. Your wife has no respect for you and it sounds like she has a lot of contempt for you. She just feels sorry for you. You need to face the fact that even if you do get OM in trouble, she will be there for him - not run back to you. 

Some women are just not worth the effort.

And as far as her not stealing money and not a monster. Is this the same woman who would never cheat on you and called you a wimp? So she agreed not to fvck him in your home out of respect for you but they still hang out together, cuddle and watch movies there. This is not respect. It is pity. 

Separate your finances, YOU CANNOT TRUST HER. Protect yourself. Sign the D papers and get out of that house. Expose the affair to all. Her parents. His employer. 

BTW. His threats of what he could do to you are just that - threats - macho bullshyte. To impress her and scare you.

People who actually have the skill set you give him credit for and are actively involved in using them with overt or covert agencies of the USA -do not - REPEAT - DO NOT, walk around threatening people and telling them what they could do to them. My guess is that this guy is a bully and a coward at heart. Let her have him.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

jasonh said:


> Ok I need help getting my marriage back and the only responses that I get is to leave. What happened to for better or worse? I want my wife back. Period. My kids are fine and always will be.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, but my opinion is that the longer you let this "arrangement" go on. the more legitimate it becomes in everyone's eyes, including your wife and the authorities. Listen to Mori's advice. This guy has much to lose. Get him away, and some sense of reality might be possible for your wife.

It has taken guts and courage for you to stand up as you have. I'm a big guy, and I used to love fighting when I was younger. I always respect a man like you who can keep a sound mind when things go crazy, and try to preserve your kids like you've done. But as others said, I think that the hurt and betrayal will soon hit you like a ton of bricks, but in stages. One day, when perspective sets in, you may wish that you never even wanted reconciliation. Your goal now, however, is to stay focused on what you know now. This guy can have his clearances revoked so easily that his head would spin. As coincidence would have it, one of my employees, a Lt. Colonel in the reserves, told me a story of a contractor who crossed the line with a local while my friend was deployed in Iraq. All it took was a complaint of sexual harassment, and this contractor was sent packing by my friend. Forever. Start the communication, but keep it from your wife.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

If J's story is true....

Good lord, man.

What will you tell us next? That you cook breakfast for them?
Maybe do the OM's laundry for him too?

The fact that you let that scumbag back into your house just
screams to your wife "I'm a giant p*ssy and have no self-respect."

Your "niceness" is precisely why she's banging the OM.... they're
flaunting it in your face and you're just going to sit there and take it?

This is the same as the parking space issue... x1 million.

Unless you stand up for what you KNOW is right,
you'll continue to get walked on and remain unhappy,
while your W views you as a weakling who won't take a stand for his W.

That is a fact.

No amount of posts or advice in this thread will change that.

OUT both of them! To EVERYONE!!! NOW!!!


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

iheartlife said:


> Absolutely! Never be scared of someone who has a security clearance. They have something to lose.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. Plus someone who has covert clearance is not going to be teaching kick boxing at the gym and is not going to risk loosing his career over a roll in the hay with a horny housewife with kids.

If he did have this kind of clearance you would never know about it and he certainly would not be telling people.

On the other hand, my son is a Captain in the AF. He has Security Clearance. But he is not going out on blackops. It is just a requirement of his rank in the military.

So does he have security clearance - maybe - but it is not the type you are thinking. Is he trying to impress people by bragging and lying - definitely.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

OMG! Looks like wife needs an Alpha male right now and your anything but right now. God if you want to save your marriage you need to fight back, not feel proud of yourself because you refused a hamburger. Don't plan on getting a VAR, get one, expose this affair to her family, and your community - if this comes out he will lose a number of female clients, report him to the agency or company that gave him his clearance. Get a divorce attorney, check and see if you can name OM, file fir custody.

Man up and fight fir your family, show some pride, show your Alpha to your wife.......you have to risk losing her to have any chance of getting her back. Look, you can survive a beating from him, can he survive jail.

At least act like a man, you passive, false pride, and pus$yness is iritating me, can only imangine the effect on your wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> Jason, I feel for you, but your waiting for something to happen that is as unlikely as winning a lottery.
> 
> The advice was to defend your family and marriage by contacting the authorities. This will kept him away from you and her. You refuse to do so. You stated it was out of fear of what the OM could do.
> 
> ...


FYI I have already spoken spoken to a good friend of mine who basically told me that don't have much ground to stand on by saying he assaulted me, because I initiated the fight by throwing a book at him. His defense could easily be that he punched me out of fear that I would continue to throw things at him and cause great bodily harm. The fact that he stopped hitting me once I went down basically solidifies his argument that he only did what he felt he needed to do to stop the immediate threat. So an assault case is out of the question. As far as the verbal threats well I need to be able to prove that so I will get a VAR and have it with me 24 7. I understand that many people on here believe my wife is horrible for what she has done, but no one here has the slightest clue as to what she had to deal with as a child and how much she has grown as a person. She is 100 percent wrong for what she is doing I agree. But I know that for every dark night,there is a bright day. All I need right now is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Doh-kay.....

:scratchhead:


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Quite dramatic, but let's play it as it lays.

You should have settled his hash on dday under castle doctrine. But I realize that most modern boys aren't prepared for that, so what you left undone is biting you in the ass as there is no legal way to do what must be done unless the POS approaches you. 

What state are you in? Castle doctrine? Carry permit?

As a generally rule, Mr. John Moses Browning trumps Mr. Jiu Jitsu in every day of the week. What do you have for a carry piece?

Kick your wife to the curb and file. Maybe she'll come crawling back. Then you can decide how you feel about that. If this is a real life situation, you need to go Roman in every way. You know how the Romans operated right? All within the law of course.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

jasonh said:


> FYI I have already spoken spoken to a good friend of mine who basically told me that don't have much ground to stand on by saying he assaulted me, because I initiated the fight by throwing a book at him.


Because he was having sex with your wife in your bed. No cop or judge would think you "initiated" this fight. Really.





> All I need right now is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement.


We are giving you all of that. Except the pat on the back is with a 2x4 because you need to wake up man.


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

jasonh said:


> FYI I have already spoken spoken to a good friend of mine who basically told me that don't have much ground to stand on by saying he assaulted me, because I initiated the fight by throwing a book at him. His defense could easily be that he punched me out of fear that I would continue to throw things at him and cause great bodily harm. The fact that he stopped hitting me once I went down basically solidifies his argument that he only did what he felt he needed to do to stop the immediate threat. So an assault case is out of the question. As far as the verbal threats well I need to be able to prove that so I will get a VAR and have it with me 24 7. I understand that many people on here believe my wife is horrible for what she has done, but no one here has the slightest clue as to what she had to deal with as a child and how much she has grown as a person. She is 100 percent wrong for what she is doing I agree. But I know that for every dark night,there is a bright day. All I need right now is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nah, mate. What you need is a 2x4 to the head, and a wake-up call. Yes, it's a very big shock. Yes, you're hurting. But you are in a fog yourself - confused and deluded. You can't have words of encouragement, because your situation is utterly bleak. What you need is courage and fortitude. You need to stand up for yourself and take a stand against the things you don't tolerate and want in your life.

Now, onto your wife.

You think we haven't encountered women and men like your wife? People who were sexually or physically abused by family, or by friends? People who were emotionally abused, or abandoned, or tortured, by the people who were supposed to take care of and protect them? There are posters on this very forum that have undergone terribly traumatic lives. This doesn't justify stupid or evil choices. And your wife is making a cruel and evil choice. Bringing up her past is irrelevant, and you're defending her, unwittingly, by doing so. 

You're mistaken. 

It doesn't bloody _matter_ what your wife went through as a child. What matters is what she's doing *now*. And right now, she wants a relationship with the other man, and is perfectly capable and willing to humiliate you in front of her own family and children, to pursue that relationship. Oh, yes. "Poor wife."

*Wake. Up*.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

jasonh said:


> "Just to let you know I have enough experience to easily hit you with a .50 cal rifle from over 500 yards away.


If he actually said this, he is a pansy poser. I could do 1200 meter headshots with a bolt action .30 back in the day. Probably still could. He's no SF wundersoldat. This is a ridiculous statement for someone to make.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

jasonh said:


> FYI I have already spoken spoken to a good friend of mine who basically told me that don't have much ground to stand on by saying he assaulted me, because I initiated the fight by throwing a book at him.


What state are you in? In my state you could have painted the wall with his brains and walked under the scenario you describe. After all, your wife was being raped by an intruder.

What state?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

jasonh said:


> I understand that many people on here believe my wife is horrible for what she has done, but no one here has the slightest clue as to what she had to deal with as a child and how much she has grown as a person. She is 100 percent wrong for what she is doing I agree.


Now you are emotionally blackmailing yourself because of her past. Do you think that she has a monopoly on childhood suffering? Millions of people here and around the world have suffered as much, if not more, than she has but they didn't turn around and become like the monsters that preyed on them when they were little. So save the sympathy card for someone who is truly worthy of it. 



> But I know that for every dark night,there is a bright day. All I need right now is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement.


You'll get that pat on the back when you produce some results in defending yourself, and your children, legally from your so called 'wife' and her scumbag boyfriend.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

jasonh said:


> FYI I have already spoken spoken to a good friend of mine who basically told me that don't have much ground to stand on by saying he assaulted me, because I initiated the fight by throwing a book at him. His defense could easily be that he punched me out of fear that I would continue to throw things at him and cause great bodily harm. The fact that he stopped hitting me once I went down basically solidifies his argument that he only did what he felt he needed to do to stop the immediate threat. So an assault case is out of the question. As far as the verbal threats well I need to be able to prove that so I will get a VAR and have it with me 24 7. I understand that many people on here believe my wife is horrible for what she has done, but no one here has the slightest clue as to what she had to deal with as a child and how much she has grown as a person. She is 100 percent wrong for what she is doing I agree. But I know that for every dark night,there is a bright day. All I need right now is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


jason, I spent thirty years in government and enforcement. Your friend is wrong! You were faced with a stranger in your home, engaged in a sexual act with your wife. He threatened you if you didn't leave. See a lawyer, please.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

It's like talking to a wall, hopeless. I'm out of here.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> If he actually said this, he is a pansy poser. I could do 1200 meter headshots with a bolt action .30 back in the day. Probably still could. He's no SF wundersoldat. This is a ridiculous statement for someone to make.


I agree. That is why this guy is full of BS. Just trying to impress and scare.

Anyone got a spare BAR 50 cal lying around? We could have a contest.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

jasonh said:


> All I need right now is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

oh my God! What a story! I'm speechless!
I'm so sorry you're in this situation!! I can't believe your wife is rewarding you like this!!
How can she accept threats such as "I wouldn't do that unless you want your kids to grow up without a father". 
Just because of this your wife should be smart enough and dump him right away!!! Can't she see what he's capable of doing?? How can she stay with man like that??
I'm extremely surprised about her lack of being reasonable to see this man for what he truly is??

I'm sure she'll regret being with him but it'll be too late because he'll threaten her just like he did with you!


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> What state are you in? In my state you could have painted the wall with his brains and walked under the scenario you describe. After all, your wife was being raped by an intruder.
> 
> What state?


I live in fl and I have my CWP and I own a glock 17. But if you think you can burst in your house with guns blazing just because someone is screwing your wife, you are wrong. That's not the way it works my friend. In order to use a weapon in self defense I have to PROVE he forced his way into my home. If not, I go to prison and never see my kids again. I'm far from a punk. But I'm also not stupid enough to fight a man who's fought or trained professionally for years. And who shoots steroids into his body and probably wouldn't feel it if I hit him anyway......... In other news, I just found out that my brother who is an ex marine, and some of his buddies are supposed to come over tonight and hang out and watch the UFC event. I think that OM may pop up over here and have a rude awalkening. My fingers are crossed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Nope. As soon as mr. phony SF got up from the bed and took a step, you should have drilled him. End of story. Everything after that is pretty much because you did not do what needed doing. If you're going to go armed, you need to get your mind right.

776.013 Home protection; use of deadly force; presumption of fear of death or great bodily harm.—

(1) A person is presumed to have held a reasonable fear of imminent peril of death or great bodily harm to himself or herself or another when using defensive force that is intended or likely to cause death or great bodily harm to another if:

(a) The person against whom the defensive force was used was and forcibly entered, a dwelling, residence, or occupied vehicle, *or if that person had removed or was attempting to remove another against that person’s will from the dwelling, residence*, or occupied vehicle; and

(b) The person who uses defensive force knew or *had reason to believe that an unlawful and forcible entry or unlawful and forcible act was occurring or had occurred.*

(2) The presumption set forth in subsection (1) does not apply if:

(a) The person against whom the defensive force is used has the right to be in or is a lawful resident of the dwelling, residence, or vehicle, such as an owner, lessee, or titleholder, and there is not an injunction for protection from domestic violence or a written pretrial supervision order of no contact against that person; or

(b) The person or persons sought to be removed is a child or grandchild, or is otherwise in the lawful custody or under the lawful guardianship of, the person against whom the defensive force is used; or

(c) The person who uses defensive force is engaged in an unlawful activity or is using the dwelling, residence, or occupied vehicle to further an unlawful activity; or

(d) The person against whom the defensive force is used is a law enforcement officer, as defined in s. 943.10(14), who enters or attempts to enter a dwelling, residence, or vehicle in the performance of his or her official duties and the officer identified himself or herself in accordance with any applicable law or the person using force knew or reasonably should have known that the person entering or attempting to enter was a law enforcement officer.

*(3) A person who is not engaged in an unlawful activity and who is attacked in any other place where he or she has a right to be has no duty to retreat and has the right to stand his or her ground and meet force with force, including deadly force if he or she reasonably believes it is necessary to do so to prevent death or great bodily harm to himself or herself or another or to prevent the commission of a forcible felony.
*
(4) A person who unlawfully and by force enters or attempts to enter a person’s dwelling, residence, or occupied vehicle is presumed to be doing so with the intent to commit an unlawful act involving force or violence.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

OP, I don't know what your wife went through but no trauma causes you to make decisions like this. Unless she has multiple personalities and one of them is out right now and isn't get core personality there is no excuse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

jasonh said:


> I live in fl and I have my CWP and I own a glock 17. But if you think you can burst in your house with guns blazing just because someone is screwing your wife, you are wrong. That's not the way it works my friend. In order to use a weapon in self defense I have to PROVE he forced his way into my home. If not, I go to prison and never see my kids again. I'm far from a punk. But I'm also not stupid enough to fight a man who's fought or trained professionally for years. And who shoots steroids into his body and probably wouldn't feel it if I hit him anyway......... In other news, I just found out that my brother who is an ex marine, and some of his buddies are supposed to come over tonight and hang out and watch the UFC event. I think that OM may pop up over here and have a rude awalkening. My fingers are crossed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good luck, Jason. Get your weapon out of the house, for your families sake. Don't think he and your wife be there with men in the house. Enjoy the event.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

So your brother and his friends will fight your fight. 

Look power is not just physical, use the power of exposure. Expose him and your wife to friends, family, employers, customers......make his professional and personal life miserable. Those who give out security clearances have a dim view of those who have a messy personal life........too risky.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

I think we have to do a little better at protecting the integrity of this place.


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

jasonh said:


> She does spend the night at his house a few days out of the week, but when he comes over here they pretty much just hang out in the living room and watch tv.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Any chance of you maybe getting some video when they are at his pad and email it to those of us who are interest? :smthumbup: You know we could better judge the events if we could see it with our own eyes.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Fear, it's all I can read in your posts. Incredible fear.
Good Lord, man. Man... Do you thing the"fog" will disapear while allowing your wife bring her OM to YOUR house? Are you that delusional? How in the hell any woman could respect such a man? Do you want to just "wait" for your wife rethink what she's doing, coming into her senses by the grace of God? I see NO hope. First, she was way deep into this man the very moment the incident in the parking lot toke place. Then she had the ball to f0ck him in your house, she showed no respect, no fear, no shame. HE gave a **** about your humilliation (unless it's exactly what she wanted all along). I have no doubt you are no more than a pitiful friend for her, at most. She got even more juicy once she saw how OM beated the crap out of you, in front of her, at your bedroom. It's a animal thing. Your wife is not a poor woman who got seduced. She lost respect for you and felt entitled to shove this man very deep in your though. She enjoyed your humilliation. She's not your wife anymore man, she's another woman, ruled by the chemicals who this alpha man provides her and I suspect full of resentments. It's no more that a gigantic fOck you. She's gone. She won't never go back to you. At least THAT you. The fact she brings this man to YOUR house to hang out and BBQs speak symphonies. She's pissing in your leg and you are allowing her.

Grow a pair, man. Wake up. Man up.
If you want to try to clear the fog out of your wife what are you doing goes exactly in the opposite direction. The only chance (At this point I think actually you have no one, to be honest) is swallow the fear of losing her, showing tough love, being very decisive. You need to risk your marriage. You don't have one anyway. It's a joke. Who the hell think your children believev is this man at chargue of your BBQ?

Talk to a lawyer yesterday. Protect your finances. Ask advice about not allowing OM get in your house anymore. Pack your wife's stuff and kick her out. Tell her to go to OMs. File for divorce. Change the locks. Get a RO against OM if you can. Go to the limit of the law.
Start the 180, better go simply dark on her. No talks. Just emails/texts about children schedules. Expose her to the world, her family, all her friends. Nuclear exposure.

You will pay forever for every minute more you don't start behaving with a little self respect. Don't let this man enter in your house anymore. If she wants OM, let her go. Dont be a willing cuckold.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Forget about your friend, he may be well intentioned bue he has no clue, nor expecrience. People here wear your shows. Get a shark lawyer. The more agressive one you can pay. Don't let her rest. Hit her like a wall of brics. Kick her out!! Bring home a family member to take care of the children.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Mess this man bussiness and work. Destroy him, legaly.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Dynamite comes in small packages,my wife had an EA with her old hs bf after she sought him out and pusued him after twenty years of not seeing him.When I went to break it up he told me to stay out of his business,not to tell him what to do and he will talk to my wife and do as he pleases.
I didnt lay down or throw books at him.Yeah he's bigger than me,that didnt stop me.I was out for blood,still am.I saw him peel away from the park where he wanted to fight me,he made tons of phone calls and said vile things,he's a ex-felion,I'm NRA and a steel worker,I was not intiminated.This is my family I'm talking about after all.Someone messes with me,I bring it back three fold.When he saw how p!ssed I was he proved to be a huge coward.The phone calls wouldnt stop.So I went on the hunt.Got ahold of his work,his friends,family,girlfriend and more.I put the pressure on hard.I really messed up his life.I gave him the choice to walk away,he didnt so it was game on.
If he is that much more of a fighter than you and bigger,then its not a fair fight.
Pick up something to equalize this and make it fair.I dont care if its a 4x4 or a bat.I will not be intimidated.
And yes,why have you not gone to the police?
Why are you not standing up for your family?
When he offered you that plate of food I would have ground it into his face!
You missed your chance when he was laying down in YOUR BED,he was already down and you let him get up.
This jerk has already shown some vunerable spot that you need to take advantage off.Even a dragon has a soft underbelly.
Find his weakness and do what you have to do or keep going in the direction you are and hope she comes out of tghe for.
Youre wasting valuable time.Wise up and TAKE your nuts back from youre wife.
I'd die before I put up with this crap
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Youre making this easy for this guy,expose it all around to her family,his,work...everywhere.
I'd be damned if I let someone take over my house and my family...tell her parents!!!!!,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

How many of ya'll are taking this Jason guy serious? He's either as full of sh** as a well fed elephant's large intestines or the worlds biggest wimp and destine to spend his life cleaning up other people garbage and scavenging leftovers. If his story is close to true, that ****'s not going to stay with him.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Agreed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

jasonh said:


> FYI I have already spoken spoken to a good friend of mine who basically told me that don't have much ground to stand on by saying he assaulted me, because I initiated the fight by throwing a book at him. His defense could easily be that he punched me out of fear that I would continue to throw things at him and cause great bodily harm. The fact that he stopped hitting me once I went down basically solidifies his argument that he only did what he felt he needed to do to stop the immediate threat. So an assault case is out of the question.


Throwing the book was an act of passion because the guy was in YOUR bed, in YOUR house, with YOUR WIFE! I'm not in favour of violence, but, IMO, you would have been justified in doing a whole lot more to the OM. You were provoked beyond reason, and he will get very little sympathy from the authorities, that's for sure.

Get yourself along to the police, then expose the pair of them to all and sundry.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Man, what happened between DDay and today? How is possible you allowed this man to put one foot in YOUR house? How did you allow you wife to bring him home!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Man, what happened between DDay and today? How is possible you allowed this man to put one foot in YOUR house? How did you allow you wife to bring him home!


He's baiting him that's why.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

This man doens't want her at his house. Force her. Kick her out. Put her belonging in the truck and drive her there, drop them at his yard. Expose him at his web page, friend him at facebook at get a hold at his friends and expose him.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

I'm a newbie and trying to take this place as seriously as the subject matter and lives involved, including my own and more importantly, those of my wife and children. Pasty tolerance of sh*t like this will be the undoing of this kind forum. Maybe it's the truth that the love child of Jean Claude Van Dam and Cyrano De Bergerac has made his way into Janson's father in law's home to screw his wife, pull ninja moves naked from the bed, and eat his ice cream in front of the TV with his wife and children, and if that's the case, . . . that is not the case. c'mon. please


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

People have been trying to lay off the "troll" pronouncements as sometimes people do have problems that include "unusual circumstances." This one does seem to be excessively cartoonish.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

OM is banging your wife right infront of you and staying in the marital bed while you are sleeping on the couch, 
He is not threatening you now.

Your children are not aware of this situation.

*Your wife is the most wonderful women in the world and you want her back. she is the princes, and we too agree that she is rare to find*.

You are afraid to expose him and her. You cant kick on his ass or her ass then what to do, simple man

*Pray to god that he get bored of your wife soon and dump her.
Also pray to god that she should never meet a big man, even if she bring home someone he should be smaller in size without any security clearance. God will answer your prayer but it may take some time.* Show little more patience.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Grow a pair and man up


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Jason---you let your chance go---but you could have claimed he was raping your wife----You come into your house, you didn't know what was going on----it is to late for that now---but you did have an excuse----and that would have gone to the D A, and you would have had a right to defend your castle

Eventually this POS, is gonna get tired of your wife---Sounds, like he is the type of garbage that wrecks families, and moves on----so when your wife comes running back, for she will cuz where else will she go to be bankrolled, what are you gonna do----are you gonna just take her back as if nothing happened----cuz as of rigth now unfortunately, she thinks of you as nothing more than, "whatever word you wanna use, will fit"

Also if you are not deathly afraid of him---you can report him to the various national associations, that give his students accreditation----I am sure they do not want this kind of publicity, and you can go to the newspapers, and radio/tv stations with your story-------At this point you don't have a wife anyway---and she and he are deciding your life for you----how long do you intend to live like that??????


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

jasonh said:


> FYI I have already spoken spoken to a good friend of mine who basically told me that don't have much ground to stand on by saying he assaulted me, because I initiated the fight by throwing a book at him. His defense could easily be that he punched me out of fear that I would continue to throw things at him and cause great bodily harm. The fact that he stopped hitting me once I went down basically solidifies his argument that he only did what he felt he needed to do to stop the immediate threat. So an assault case is out of the question. As far as the verbal threats well I need to be able to prove that so I will get a VAR and have it with me 24 7. I understand that many people on here believe my wife is horrible for what she has done, but no one here has the slightest clue as to what she had to deal with as a child and how much she has grown as a person. She is 100 percent wrong for what she is doing I agree. But I know that for every dark night,there is a bright day. All I need right now is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Jason

He was in your house doing your wife and all you could do is throw a book.

You are a wimp.

And if he hit you in your own house you should have called the cops and had him arrested for assault in your own house!!!!!!

Stop listening to his threats and make some of your own and make good on them.

If this was my wife, the 3rd world war would have already started.

And Jason, I caught my fiance doing a few of my buddies. I carefully picked the time and place and taught everyone of them a lesson individually. And then I never spoke to her again no matter how much she tried. It took her a year but she got the message.

It has been over 30 years and they still give me a wide berth. And I am not a big guy at all. So you need to find a strategy that works for you and engage. Outing her and the OM to everyone is a good place to start.

And Calvin is right, this is your family that you are supposed to be fighting for. But first and foremost you should be protecting the kids. 

HM64


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## aeg512 (Mar 22, 2011)

This whole post reads as if it is from a 007 movie. It makes no sense other than being made up. In the original post we get to read about all the different groups this so called person insturts in advance martial arts. I call BS on that. The poster tells us that on the spur of the moment he goes and buys a diamond bracelet for his wife on the way home from getting out of a meeting early and still lives in his FIL's house? He catches them in bed and throws a book. Doesn't call the cops after an alteration which would have taken care of any issues, plus cost this fellow his job. This is a made up story.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

If the POSOM was such hot sh!t with a security clearance then WTF is he doing teaching martial arts? It would seem to me that someone in that situation would consider that a demotion and perhaps it was because he may have already has lost that clearance and cannot get any well paying job and has to settle for a lowly job of teaching out of shape folks how to get fit. If that is the case, then the OP has him by the balls by going to his employer and informing him and his clients of what kind of predator he truly is. Do you think that his employer would like to lose his business because of a scumbag like him? I seriously doubt it.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

morituri said:


> If the POSOM was such hot sh!t with a security clearance that WTF is he doing teaching martial arts? It would seem to me that someone in that situation would consider that a demotion and perhaps it was because he may have already has lost that clearance and cannot get any well paying job and has to settle for a lowly job of teaching out of shape folks how to get fit. If that is the case, then the OP has him by the balls by going to his employer and informing him and his clients of what kind of predator he truly is. Do you think that his employer would like to lose his business because of a scumbag like him? I seriously doubt it.


Indeed time to grow a pair , file a report with his employer and expose his adultery and his threats to the head of the police "swat team" with a copy to the commissioner. 

Start harming his job , this affects his pay check and his life. If he come to your house call the cops and charge him with trespassing , carry a var at all times. If the arriving officers decline escalate tithe station commander.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

He declared war on you and you acted like France,you caved,surrended and decided the best course of action was to sit and wait it out and hope for the best.Nice defense.
Go after him,you want repect from your wife?
Then go after him and dont hold back!!
No offense to the French.... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Do you want to know how to do a nuclear exposure?
Go to marriage builders forum and get advice, start a threat there, just copy/paste you TAM thread and get a clue; they do it everyday. You will get tons of advice. It has to be done shock and awe, all in a day, without rest.
Exposure 101 - Your Most Powerful Weapon


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Yeah I can see the POSOM throwing the OP's cheating wife under the bus once his source of income is threatened. It happens all the time.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

morituri said:


> If the POSOM was such hot sh!t with a security clearance that WTF is he doing teaching martial arts? It would seem to me that someone in that situation would consider that a demotion and perhaps it was because he may have already has lost that clearance and cannot get any well paying job and has to settle for a lowly job of teaching out of shape folks how to get fit. If that is the case, then the OP has him by the balls by going to his employer and informing him and his clients of what kind of predator he truly is. Do you think that his employer would like to lose his business because of a scumbag like him? I seriously doubt it.


For all you guys who are calling me a punk because of my situation, just to let you know when I was younger I have probably been in more fights than all of u combined. Until you walk in my shoes do not judge me..........ok here is an update for those who are really trying to help me. My brother and some of his buddies came over to watch the fight. My brother knew that my wife and I aren't on good terms but he didn't know the whole story. Needles to say I was hoping and praying that OM showed up while my brother was here but he was a no show. My wife was shocked when my brother showed up w his friends but she all of a sudden became really sweet and polite. She actually smiled at me and called me hun!! I know it sounds lame but I seriously almost melted. Later on that evening she even went on a beer run for us. At first I thought she was just using that as an excuse to see OM but she didn't do her hair or put make up on so I doubt it. Once it got really late my brother and one of his friends asked to crash at our house because they live an hour and a half away and they were too tipsy to drive. My wife said SURE and offered my brother the guestroom and let his friend take the couch. Then she turns to me and asks me if I'm coming to bed. I was super elated but still wierded out. When we got in the room she asked me if my brother knows anything and I said no. She then turned over and went to sleep. That really upset me because I think she just did that to put on a front in front of my brother. This morning Iwhen my brother was about to leave, I walked with him outside and told him EVERYTHING. My brother who is an ex marine had tears in his eyes not from grief but from sheer rage. He was so upset that I had been keeping this from him, but what happened next was a game changer. My brother who is well connected with members of the military community, made a few phone calls and was able to get a substantial amount of info on this guy. First off he hasn't worked at blackwater for over 2 years. He had been working for another contracting compay called Trojan Securities for about 6 months and then he worked for a company called Triple Canopy. As far as his special forces training, he was one of there SERE instructors but I'm not sure for who. He also did a very small amount of training for the british sas. At this time he is working for some international executive protection company. We were able to find their website and now we are trying to find out who runs this business so we can expose this bastard. This guys world is about to crumble before my very own eyes!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

So what is your plan tomorrow or the day after when he pitches up at your house ? Or your wife pops out for her regular sex session.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Do yourself a favour and read the newbie thread all the way through , the information therein is gleened from those who have worked for decades fighting affairs and help save marriages

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

jasonh said:


> This guys world is about to crumble before my very own eyes!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe,but then what do you do about the wife?


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

TBT said:


> Maybe,but then what do you do about the wife?


Apparently, melt when she bats an eyelash in his direction.

Jason, totally get the rush of good feelings when she treated you as if things were the 'old days'. But see how it feels tomorrow or the next day when she goes to dude's place for a 'visit'. 

Also, is his employer (the one you're trying to find info on) related in any way to the kickboxing gym? If not, outing to them might get a shrug in response. The gym is where he preys on people like your w.

EDIT: Then again, I imagine he also would troll the traveling exec pool for someone looking for a good time with Sensei.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If you order someone from your house and they refuse, even threaten you - then you have the right to remove them.

he hit you and threatened you - why the hell haven't you filed charges yet?

As for your wife, cut off all money she is getting from you. Move all the money from the bank account into one only you can access, and cut off all credit cards.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

TBT said:


> Maybe,but then what do you do about the wife?


Can I crawl a little before you ask me to walk? My wife isn't going anywhere. Once this guy is exposed she will snap out of her fog. Trust me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

So have you read the exposure items in the newbie thread? Or is this your own plan.

We are going to be harsh with you and give you 2x4's as many a BS has done a half baked job or followed their own plan , only to fail.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

jasonh said:


> Can I crawl a little before you ask me to walk? My wife isn't going anywhere. Once this guy is exposed she will snap out of her fog. Trust me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The fact is that exposure often brings out the worst in cheating wives because the fantasy of the affair has been injected with a lethal dose of reality which often ends the affair when the OM throws the cheating wife under the bus - oh believe me he will. So don't count on that your wife will suddenly become the woman she was before the affair, she may not. If she chooses to leave you and the kids to be with the OM, are you prepared for that possibility?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

jasonh said:


> Can I crawl a little before you ask me to walk? My wife isn't going anywhere. Once this guy is exposed she will snap out of her fog. Trust me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What if nothing happens after exposure?

If you're hedging all your bets on this, you need to rethink your strategy.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Shamwow said:


> Apparently, melt when she bats an eyelash in his direction.
> 
> 
> [[/i][/size]


Even the toughest guy wont ask the husband to get out of the room when he is caught ***ing the wife unless the wife told the man that she is married to a wimp. she already told this to OP (see the first post) she said the same to OM.

I dont know how he is going to take her back.........


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Eli-Zor said:


> So have you read the exposure items in the newbie thread? Or is this your own plan.
> 
> We are going to be harsh with you and give you 2x4's as many a BS has done a half baked job or followed their own plan , only to fail.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am going to expose him but I'm not going to be stupid about it. He still is a dangerous guy anyway you look at it. I asked my brother, who is ex military should I be concerned about this guy or is he full of it. My brother said that from the information he gathered on this guy, the guy actually does have a pretty unique skill set. His advice was to be really cautious. He also explained to me that going to the cops may do more harm than good because it might really send this guy over the edge and its not like I'm in witness protection or its not like I can afford a bodyguard to follow me 24 7. I'm going to stick to my guns and bait him in just enough to screw himself over. Slow and steady wins the race. Patience is a virtue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

I assume this is a real story.

Dear brother, You seem to be a learned and nice person. *Why are you using all your knowledge and power to prove something that is not right?*

While you are in the waiting room, can't you do anything that is a manly act? (Not like hiding the condoms before he comes or hiding their undergarments after they start their act).

Why should your wife come back to you?

Sorry brother, I am not making fun of you. I feel for you - Please listen to these 7 pages full of advice. People have taken trouble to alert you. Don't just clap when your brother takes the right decisions and makes this gorilla run away.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

jasonh said:


> I am going to expose him but I'm not going to be stupid about it. He still is a dangerous guy anyway you look at it. I asked my brother, who is ex military should I be concerned about this guy or is he full of it. My brother said that from the information he gathered on this guy, the guy actually does have a pretty unique skill set. His advice was to be really cautious. He also explained to me that going to the cops may do more harm than good because it might really send this guy over the edge and its not like I'm in witness protection or its not like I can afford a bodyguard to follow me 24 7. I'm going to stick to my guns and bait him in just enough to screw himself over. Slow and steady wins the race. Patience is a virtue.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Actually going to cops the filing a police report is the best thing you can do because it puts on record that he is threatening you and has assaulted you.

If he does anything - the cops the will know exactly who did it. 

Your wife should be sleeping in the guest bed - not you.

You should be seeking a restraining order against this jerk.

You should be carrying a VAR secretly on you at all times around your wife and him.

You should be removing any access to money she has.

and you should be reporting him to his employer.

you should also post him on Cheaterville.com and consider adding your wife there too.

You think she's going to come out of the fog? Why do you even want her too? She watched another man assault you, and then left with him only to return with him and proceed to let him threaten you etc.

She's not worth having back even after the fog. The fog may make people do bad things, but she went way beyond bad here.

Frankly this story sounds like a cuckold fantasy where eventually the wife will inform you that the OM is going to get her pregnant and you are going to pay for a raise the kid for him.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

In my experience, "dangerous guys" tend to have short lifespans because they tend to make many enemies. I believe the POSOM is simply a bully who like all bullies will run to mama once he is forcefully confronted by one or more individuals willing to take him down at all costs. They are not used to becoming prey.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I'm glad to have now more help IRLK to fix this. If you can manage to have them as often as you can do it. Exppulse your wife by having friends at home.
Cutting OM is important with exposure, you have to kill this affair ASAP but OM vanishing won't resolve the main issue here: Your entitled, foggie wife. You need to fix it from the two sides at once. By letting her go, by exposing her, putting all the presure you can on her, making it all too real for her to endure, that's the only chance you got left. She's not going to get out this aleged fog without having very clear bad consequences. THe reality has to hit her hard. Kick your wife from the marital bedroom to begin with, throw that bed yesterday and get a new one. OM doesn't put a foot in your house anymore. Period. Tell your wife, she can move out with him if she wishes, help her pack and drove her there. Regain your house. Yesterday. Change the locks if necessary. Tell her to go to OM, she's more than free. Lawyer up ASAP, filing for divorce is not the end necessarily. All this seems counterintuitive but it what only works. You have to let her go and start making the consequences very evident. That's the only whing wich can make her re-examine her actions and the way she percive reality. Be calm but very decisive, determined to end this limbo hell and move on with your liffe. Shock her with this.
Start hitting her with the reality. You have been very very pasive.
Hard 180, lawyers, exposure in both fronts, clear consquences, no fear to lose her. Moving on with your life, regaining self respect...
With no rest.


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## MainMan#6 (Apr 28, 2012)

Assuming that your wife knows about your brother being ex-Military, is it possible that your wife is tipping off the OM, so that the OM with his "special skill set" is gathering intel on your brother for a possible confrontation with your brother?

This is not a good situation.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

jasonh said:


> Can I crawl a little before you ask me to walk? My wife isn't going anywhere. Once this guy is exposed she will snap out of her fog. Trust me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ask yourself why in the world you would want her back. 
Maybe your ego is taking over your common sense at the moment & you're trying to get her back from the OM.
IMHO, no WS is worth that level of blind devotion. 
You deserve to be treated better than this, no one should put up with the outright disrespect you have been shown.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Actually going to cops the filing a police report is the best thing you can do because it puts on record that he is threatening you and has assaulted you.
> 
> If he does anything - the cops the will know exactly who did it.
> 
> ...


My wife had her ovaries removed over a year ago due to a medical condition. Thanks for making pregnant jokes. It really makes me feel a lot better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

The gym owner is a good target for exposure. He takes adventage of clients, beating client's spouses, treaten the gym reputation, this is a bussiness, treaten lawsuit, make him get fired. All at once.
You have to make the affair something not appeal to mantain, for both WW and OM.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Let's see: 1) You're living in a home owned by your wife's dad; 2) OM screwed your wife in your bed and then beat your ass; 3) OM comes and goes as he pleases in 'your' home; 4) Wife has no respect for you; 5) You put up with all this sh!t.

If this isn't a troll story then you're the world's biggest doormat.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

MainMan#6 said:


> Assuming that your wife knows about your brother being ex-Military, is it possible that your wife is tipping off the OM, so that the OM with his "special skill set" is gathering intel on your brother for a possible confrontation with your brother?
> 
> This is not a good situation.


This guy dosent have a clue who my brother is. He never met him. He is a greaseball who preys on huting women. My brother dosent associate with those kids of people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

jasonh said:


> I am going to expose him but I'm not going to be stupid about it. He still is a dangerous guy anyway you look at it. I asked my brother, who is ex military should I be concerned about this guy or is he full of it. My brother said that from the information he gathered on this guy, the guy actually does have a pretty unique skill set. His advice was to be really cautious. He also explained to me that going to the cops may do more harm than good because it might really send this guy over the edge and its not like I'm in witness protection or its not like I can afford a bodyguard to follow me 24 7. I'm going to stick to my guns and bait him in just enough to screw himself over. Slow and steady wins the race. Patience is a virtue.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your attitude needs to change,I said dynamite comes in small packages.
So be it,settle the score,to secure pieces and prepare for war! Dont tread on me!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Have a solid plan!!! Start implementing it.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

She was more intimidated by the response his brother would have, which goes to show how much respect she has for own her husband. And it also suggests that his brother wouldn't put up with this nonsense hence her walking on egg shells around him. Whether someone wants to bring up the Alpha Vs Beta argument, the OP's game plan is not working.

Exposure doesn't mean lifting the fog, it means making the affair harder.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Get angry dude!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Let's see: 1) You're living in a home owned by your wife's dad; 2) OM screwed your wife in your bed and then beat your ass; 3) OM comes and goes as he pleases in 'your' home; 4) Wife has no respect for you; 5) You put up with all this sh!t.
> 
> If this isn't a troll story then you're the world's biggest doormat.


He dosent screw my wife in my house. In order for my plan to come to fruition I am allowing him to stop over a few days outta the week without confronting him. Only an idiot would lose their cool only to end up either homeless, in jail or dead.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Draft the plan, choose the timing, implement it with determination. Do it ASAP. Shock their worlds. Get ready to move on.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Man, print this thread show it to yor brother. The posts which hurt the most use to be the ones who speaks to you deeple. Read them once and again. Get momentum.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

OK Jason, we'll go by your method and we'll see what happens. But Machiavelli had a very interesting post the other day where he described how a BS typically comes here, says his wife is cheating/needs help, we give him help, the BS disagrees with us and spends the rest of the time defending his wife. His words appear prophetic. 

Either way, if your wife comes back to you with your plan, I'll eat my hat otherwise don't be surprised if she ends up kicking you out.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

> *I am allowing him to stop over a few days* outta the week without confronting him. Only an idiot would lose their cool only to end up either homeless, in jail or dead.


I am going to help you here. 

Firstly you *don't allow him* to visit the house, as if/when it comes to a legal showdown you have given him permission to be there. 

Go to the police and lay a charge of assault against the OM.

Next tell your wife he is not welcome into your family home. Call her father and tell him of the affair. 

I assume you have children, if she gives you grief about the house being owned by her father you take the kids and you move out. You do so as you are protecting the children from a man who has threatened you with violence.

Get a lawyer and let him know what you are doing...


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Man, print this thread show it to yor brother. The posts which hurt the most use to be the ones who speaks to you deeple. Read them once and again. Get momentum.


I am listening to all of those who are truly geniune and trying to help. But for all the wanna be macho guys who are telling me to turn into rambo and all of this "alpha dog" bs, I'm ignoring it. There are even people on here making pregnant jokes about my wife who can't have anymore kids because her ovaries removed. Don't they realize how devastating this is to a woman. This is one of the reasons she fell into this deep depression. And when she needed me the most do you know what I did? I turned my back on her because I was so consumed in WORK! I SCREWED UP!!! Big time! And I will NOT give up on my marriage like these people are insisting I do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

jasonh said:


> He dosent screw my wife in my house. In order for my plan to come to fruition I am allowing him to stop over a few days outta the week without confronting him. Only an idiot would lose their cool only to end up either homeless, in jail or dead.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A coward dies a thousand deaths, a hero dies once. Go back and re-read your 'story'. You caught her riding him cowgirl style -- so yes, he screwed her in your home.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

WTF!!! she already has TWO kids, some people can't have kids at all for god's sake.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Oh, and I'd rather be in jail that put up with such nonsense.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

jasonh said:


> He dosent screw my wife in my house. In order for my plan to come to fruition I am allowing him to stop over a few days outta the week without confronting him. Only an idiot would lose their cool only to end up either homeless, in jail or dead.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seriously?

Your wife's lover coming over is a plan?

Exposé this wide and far. Stand up to the looser bully and youll see your self respect return. 

Your wife is gone and won't be back. Not now that you've accepted her cheating and having him visit. She has no respect left for you at this point. 

The only thing to do is make life hell for the OM and to stop giving any support to your wife. 

She can't make you leave the home even if the father in law owns it. It is your place of residence and the father inlaw would have to go to court and issue you and eviction notice including your kids. So you would take them with you. 

Please see a lawyer, please file assault charges and get an RO

Elaborate plans never do much except waste your time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I was not joking in anyway. What I descibed is an actual sick fantasy of some men. 

I'm also not suggesting you go Rambo. That is the stupid way to deal with a bully. 

What I do recommend is you effectively use the tools you have at your disposal to deal with the OM and your wife who has chosen to be with him and allow him to threaten and assault you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

> Don't they realize how devastating this is to a woman. This is one of the reasons she fell into this deep depression. And when she needed me the most do you know what I did? I turned my back on her because I was so consumed in WORK! I SCREWED UP!!! Big time!


Stop blaming yourself, your 50% responsible for the marriage issue - she is 100% responsible for the affair and she is rubbing your face in it by having sex with the OM in your marital home. The OM is laughing at you because he can, if he beats the cr$%p out of you for defending your home you may be severely injured but he WILL be in jail and you will then be able to fight for full custody of your children. 

Now she is bringing the OM into your house as a replacement.

Get that VAR ( voice activated recorder) and keep silent as to what you are doing.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> A coward dies a thousand deaths, a hero dies once. Go back and re-read your 'story'. You caught her riding him cowgirl style -- so yes, he screwed her in your home.


Right. But you stated earlier that I ALLOWED him to screw her in my home. That is incorrect info. When I CAUGHT him having sex in my home I reacted in a physical manner, and even though I lost the fight he has NEVER even ATTEMPTED to be intimate with my wife in our home again. So technically speaking he has enough fear or respect for me not to try that stunt anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Nowhere in my post did I mention the word 'Allowed'.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

jasonh said:


> Right. But you stated earlier that I ALLOWED him to screw her in my home. That is incorrect info. When I CAUGHT him having sex in my home I reacted in a physical manner, and even though I lost the fight he has NEVER even ATTEMPTED to be intimate with my wife in our home again. *So technically speaking he has enough fear or respect for me not to try that stunt anymore.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I stand corrected. You've got him quaking in his boots.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

> lost the fight he has NEVER even ATTEMPTED to be intimate with my wife in our home again.So technically speaking he has enough fear or respect for me not to try that stunt anymore


I will repeat the fact that you are allowing him into your house will not be in your faviour if this goes to court or the cops are called, and believe us from hard experience from many a BS your wife is likely to lay false charges against you and take his side.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

I'm recusing myself from this thread because my troll senses are tingling. OP is arguing semantics when he should be pissed off at his wife and the OM and seek advice on how to destroy them both.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> I'm recusing myself from this thread because my troll senses are tingling. OP is arguing semantics when he should be pissed off at his wife and the OM and seek advice on how to destroy them both.


Thank you GI JOE. Good riddance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

jasonh said:


> Thank you GI JOE. Good riddance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your so so brave when it comes to people on the internet alright. Too bad OM has you running scared tough guy. I dont believe your story for a minute.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

> Thank you GI JOE. Good riddance.


Jason instead making comments such as this channel your anger at the OM and you wife. 

You may have a plan, it may work however you are opening yourself up for failure by enabling your wife to continue the affair in your family home.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Protector and provider is your job.No need to go Rambo,but you are failing miserably at both.
The wait and see tactic never works.
Youre being bowled over and pushed around.
No one can take advantage of you except YOU.
Good luck,you'll need it.
I'm done also.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Eli-Zor said:


> Jason instead making comments such as this channel your anger at the OM and you wife.
> 
> You may have a plan, it may work however you are opening yourself up for failure by following enabling your wife to continue the affair in your family home.


No its frustrating when u come somewhere for help and 90 percent of the responses either are calling me a pansy or bad mouthing my wife. The people who are being negative know nothing about me or my wifes past. They just assume she's a ***** and I'm a lttle punk. These guys who claim to be mr bravado wouldn't know how to react if they were put in a situation as complex as mine. All I keep hearing is how they would have shot the guy etc, but until you go through something like this you DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU WILL REACT. I don't regret my reaction one bit because every night I get to tuck in my 2 beautiful kids and every morning I get to kiss them goodbye before I go to work. My kids are the most important thing in the world to me, more important than myself and more important than my wife. EVERY decision that I make is for those 2 beautiful children. Prior to me having kids, who knows I may have even shot the guy in that situation. But at this time that's irrelavant. I will go with my first gut and do what I feel is best. If some stranger on the internet thinks I'm a softy because of that then oh well. 2 years down the road when my family is back together and even stronger than before, I will look back at all these negative comments and laugh at all those "experts" who claimed my marriage was "beyond hope". Those people should really make their own site called talkaboutdivorce.com because that's all they really talk about, not marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Jason, this forum is titled "Coping With Infidelity" not "Marriage Builders".


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Jason
You could have used your head that 1st day, called the cops and had him arrested for assault & battery in your own home plus a few other charges. You also should have filed a restraining order on him and your wife for endangering your kids.

Guess what, the OM would have a record, your wife would have felt some consequences for her cheating and bringing this loser into your home and you would be tucking your two kids in at night.

Instead you threw a book.

And you know what, read a few other threads to see what a few BS's have done to protect their families.

Go trade in your glock for a water pistol. You will be safer.

I have not lost faith in you. But I hope you get a better plan.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Ohhh but Jasonh.....I do know...the OM tried to push me around and tell me how it was going to be.My wife told me she didnt love me anymore,quiet a few times,she told me she wanted the OM and not me,OM told what was going to happen and to butt out.My wife told me she was going to date the OM.
OM thought he was going to move in and replace me.My wife tried to kick me out so she could date him.
Difference is I took controle,yes I begged,pleaded and cried...didnt work....I'm trying to save you some time and trouble my friend before it too late.
We are 5 months into R and its been hard but we will make it.
You've got to fight Jasonh.......nothing good is free Brother...fight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## matt82 (Jun 28, 2012)

jasonh said:


> My wife was shocked when my brother showed up w his friends but she all of a sudden became really sweet and polite. She actually smiled at me and called me hun!! I know it sounds lame but I seriously almost melted.


Yes, this sounds lame. I've never heard a guy say he almost "melted" in response to something a woman said to him, particularly when it's his lying, cheating wife.

This whole story is just doesn't add up.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

jasonh said:


> *No its frustrating when u come somewhere for help and 90 percent of the responses either are calling me a pansy or bad mouthing my wife. *The people who are being negative know nothing about me or my wifes past. They just assume she's a ***** and I'm a lttle punk. These guys who claim to be mr bravado wouldn't know how to react if they were put in a situation as complex as mine. All I keep hearing is how they would have shot the guy etc, but until you go through something like this you DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU WILL REACT. I don't regret my reaction one bit because every night I get to tuck in my 2 beautiful kids and every morning I get to kiss them goodbye before I go to work. My kids are the most important thing in the world to me, more important than myself and more important than my wife. EVERY decision that I make is for those 2 beautiful children. Prior to me having kids, who knows I may have even shot the guy in that situation. But at this time that's irrelavant. I will go with my first gut and do what I feel is best. If some stranger on the internet thinks I'm a softy because of that then oh well. 2 years down the road when my family is back together and even stronger than before, I will look back at all these negative comments and laugh at all those "experts" who claimed my marriage was "beyond hope". Those people should really make their own site called talkaboutdivorce.com because that's all they really talk about, not marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just think for a moment on why people are calling you a troll. They cannot imagine a guy going through such a humiliating experience and talk about winning his wife back. If your story is real, your behavior is not normal. You reaction to the situation is underwhelming to say the least. You seem to not have one bit of self respect. You are being an utterly foolish and subservient doormat. And I mean this in the kindest way possible. People are frustrated because they can neither understand your reactions or actions. Your wife cheating is not your f*cking fault and she isn't a good woman either. Good luck!!


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

jasonh said:


> Until you walk in my shoes do not judge me..........





jasonh said:


> There are even people on here making pregnant jokes about my wife who can't have anymore kids because her ovaries removed. Don't they realize how devastating this is to a woman. _Posted via Mobile Device_


First, and I don't know why Im responding to this because I think you're full of sh**, but no guy I've ever known would walk in your shoes. So some of us will continue to poke fun at you. (Hey, at least we are not poking her like your buddy)

Second, if she could have more kids chances are one of her youngest would be a kick boxer champeen. Sorry I cannot help myself:smthumbup:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Ask yourself if you're angry with us because maybe there is some truth to what we are saying and it hurts you to face it?


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

> *So technically speaking he has enough fear or respect for me not to try that stunt anymore*./QUOTE]
> 
> WTF
> You Seriously believe that??


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## matt82 (Jun 28, 2012)

jasonh said:


> But at this time that's irrelavant. I will go with my first gut and do what I feel is best. If some stranger on the internet thinks I'm a softy because of that then oh well.


I'm trying to understand why you even bothered posting here in the first place. Some of the other posters have given you some really solid advice, and you have blown them off to "follow your gut." 

I mean, what type of advice did you think you would receive?


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

> I will look back at all these negative comments and laugh at all those "experts" who claimed my marriage was "beyond hope"


.

Your marriage is not beyond hope. 

At this moment the woman you married has transformed into her evil twin and does not and will not give a dam about you or your children. Your duty as a husband who loves his family is to wage war on the affair ,do everything to make the OM's life hell and ruin your wife's fantasy. 

Set a zero tolerance on her ongoing contact with the OM, leverage every trick, every friend , every exposure tactic to drive a wedge between them and force the consequences on them. Post him on cheatersville, this guy has no moral compass thus you should not fear telling THE TRUTH. 

Nowhere have you mentioned exposing her affair to her family, or taken legal advice to secure your children even if it means you file for D. Filing does not mean you actually D as in most cases it takes a good year for the court system to work it way through.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

jasonh said:


> I will go with my first gut and do what I feel is best.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then why are you here? Even discarding comments you may find offensive,there has been some good advice given.


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

This story is a complete fabrication. I'm a former military officer and I would be hard pressed to get that intel on the supposed OM. How does his brother as an ex enlisted marine get any info on a foreign military service member especially the ultra secretive SAS who will not even allow pics of any of their members to be published. 

This is nothing but a troll cuckold fantasy fetishist getting his jollies stirring up the real victims of infidelity. Don't pay any attention to the jack off.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

> This story is a complete fabrication. I'm a former military officer and I would be hard pressed to get that intel on the supposed OM. How does his brother as an ex enlisted marine get any info on a _foreign military service member especially the ultra secretive SAS _who will not even allow pics of any of their members to be published.


Agree, I was holding my tongue and was surprised this was said. Assuming this situation is real then the information fed back to the poster is questionable.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Eli-Zor said:


> .
> 
> Your marriage is not beyond hope.
> 
> ...


Thank you. Tonight I will sit her down and explain to her that at this point I will not tolerate this individual at my house anymore. If she does not comply I will call her dad and tell him EVERYTHING.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

When the stories are this outrageous and the op's behaviour is inexplicable like this one is, it's a set up. Ignore this bullshiite story.


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

jasonh said:


> Thank you. Tonight I will sit her down and explain to her that at this point I will not tolerate this individual at my house anymore. If she does not comply I will call her dad and tell him EVERYTHING.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do whatever you want. If this is story is even remotely true, here's my advice - do *NOT* tell her you're telling her father.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Jibril said:


> Do whatever you want. If this is story is even remotely true, here's my advice - do *NOT* tell her you're telling her father.


:iagree:

Jibril is right. Right now the OM is more important to her than you, so warning her will be a very bad move. Tell your FIL everything and let her deal with her father's reaction. If she's close to her father, the strain of him knowing may start putting the cracks on the affair.

ETA: Place VARs inside your home in areas where she may be making calls. You must know what is being planned against you not just to defend yourself but your family as well.


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## Beelzebub (Jun 26, 2012)

Gentelmen
Everyone approach a situation different way.
May be jason all he is thinking about kids and I wont blame him. he is done some right things and failed in others. 
1- you should get your own space, you said you work 60 hours a week, heck I can rent me a studio and live with kids. 
2- keep recorder even a spy camera with you all the time.
3- install spy cameras
4- never speak your wife, be done with her and focus on your kids. 
5- Man up some more
6- dont think about so called wife, but think about how you can protect your kids and keep them with you. 
7- Dont think about revenge, if she want to fook around thats her well, but think about a plan to have a custody of your kids.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

jasonh said:


> 90 percent of the responses either are calling me a pansy or bad mouthing my wife.


Because she is a remorseless cheating wife who is banging her Sensei. And you are letting him come over to BBQ.




> The people who are being negative know nothing about me or my wifes past.


Nor do you know any of us here, or what we've had to deal with, as clearly you've not taken the time to read any of the threads here.



> They just assume she's a ***** and I'm a lttle punk.


Because she is a remorseless cheating wife who is banging her Sensei. And you are letting him come over to BBQ.



> These guys who claim to be mr bravado wouldn't know how to react if they were put in a situation as complex as mine


.
Nor do you know any of us here, or what we've had to deal with, as clearly you've not taken the time to read any of the threads here.



> All I keep hearing is how they would have shot the guy etc, but until you go through something like this you DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU WILL REACT.


This is a good point (hoorah!). I didn't know how I'd react either, but I took in every bit of information I could from all sources, even if what was said bordered on harsh or humiliating. Most people here would say the same. And...you're on an infidelity forum...why on earth would you think no one can understand your situation?



> My kids are the most important thing in the world to me, more important than myself and more important than my wife. EVERY decision that I make is for those 2 beautiful children.


This is good. But realize that you are teaching your kids that it's okay for mom to bang Cobra Kai and let him beat you up, then leave with him to go get a Slurpee and maybe another knock at his place. Do you want your kids to think this is okay? Or in any way similar to what a marriage should be? You'll be hurting them by not at least having some spine to show them that poor decisions have consequences. Right now you're teaching them that when bad people do bad things to you, you let them make burgers on YOUR grill while wearing YOUR chef's hat and YOUR "Disrespect The Cook" apron.



> I will look back at all these negative comments and laugh at all those "experts" who claimed my marriage was "beyond hope".


Or you could actually place a little merit in what decades and decades of experience has taught others here, and maybe look back someday with gratitude for those that tried to help you save your marriage, or at least regain your dignity through assertive actions, even divorce. I know I do.



> Those people should really make their own site called talkaboutdivorce.com because that's all they really talk about, not marriage.


It's already out there. Except it's .net. You should maybe check it out.

Listening to only what you want to hear will get you to the same place you've already gotten yourself. Howzat working for you? Results? We're here to help you (yes, even the ones making jabs or seem "childish" to you). You're ignoring everything and telling us you already know what to do. Why? Just try SOMETHING that is suggested, eh? Like the VAR. Please tell me you at least have one.

If you're a troll, you've done well in at least maintaining the interest of the forum for the present time by being so unbelievably passive, unreceptive to advice and devoid of self respect. If you want advice, ask for it and consider it even if you don't like it (*especially* if you don't like it...much of infidelity advice is counterintuitive to the BS at first). If not, go write a book called "How To Make Your Wife Respect You Even Less". Good luck sir.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Ok I have been searching the company website and there are no names listed so I don't know who to contact to rat this guy out. Suggestions plz?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Call your brother and ask for his help again. Go to the gym and inform the owner about what his employee is doing with the wives he's supposed to teaching.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

Beelzebub said:


> Gentelmen
> Everyone approach a situation different way.
> May be jason all he is thinking about kids and I wont blame him. he is done some right things and failed in others.
> 1- you should get your own space, you said you work 60 hours a week, heck I can rent me a studio and live with kids.
> ...


Thank you!!! See I knew that I wasn't to only rational guy here. Oh by the way I have the VAR now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

The art of war and how it pertains to you 



> Although you are capable, display incapability --- expose the OM far and wide, publicize his affair to his friends, his family (parents, siblings) and his employer
> 
> When committed to employing your forces, feign inactivity--- carry on with your life as normal , run the 180
> 
> ...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What about the lawyer?????????

And you will need more then one VAR!


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

So this is the company that he supposedly works for. In still gathering intel. Give me some time to get the specifics. Kidnap and Ransom
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If I was James the worst thing you could do to me is lawyer up and effectivly beat me up with loopholes and judgsielal.....law things.

I'm the kind of guy that would let sh1t get to me and would get so mad I would stop thinking....it may take a black eye and a bloddy noise put the set up would bring about a legal battle that may not be worth the prize of your wife. 

Were there is a *will* there is a way...even the smallest of men can have a big bunch. Not saying your small just that OM is bigger thats all.

Be warned you may not like the person you have to become but then again look who you are fighting.

It sucks to have to fight evil with evil....maybe it would be better to just let her go. Just protect your self by at the very least lawyer up.


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## jasonh (Jul 7, 2012)

zsu234 said:


> This story is a complete fabrication. I'm a former military officer and I would be hard pressed to get that intel on the supposed OM. How does his brother as an ex enlisted marine get any info on a foreign military service member especially the ultra secretive SAS who will not even allow pics of any of their members to be published.
> 
> This is nothing but a troll cuckold fantasy fetishist getting his jollies stirring up the real victims of infidelity. Don't pay any attention to the jack off.


I wish I could agree with you and say this is just a bad dream. Maybe one day if this happens to you, you will become a little more empathetic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Eli-zor makes alot of sence....you need to make a plan and work a plan and do this with a good lawyer....or another security firm that rivals the OM's...hell they may screw with him for free.


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## jameskimp (May 8, 2012)

This story seems way too crazy to be true.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya just like the guy with the cheating wife who slept with 20 OM in the last 13 years.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

This guy is a troll, that's why the mods didn't catch out his IP because he's doing all his posts on his mobile phone.

I'm bowing out of this nonsense.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

I post the majority of the time on my phone,also the one thread awhile ago about the husband being abused by the pastor seemed to be true.
I am 99% sure this is bs but there is a small chance its true,not much but a small one
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Actually going to cops the filing a police report is the best thing you can do because it puts on record that he is threatening you and has assaulted you.
> 
> If he does anything - the cops the will know exactly who did it.
> 
> ...


Man, didn't you take any creative writing. That stuff would totally keep the plot from properly unfolding.



Shaggy said:


> Frankly this story sounds like a cuckold fantasy where eventually the wife will inform you that the OM is going to get her pregnant and you are going to pay for a raise the kid for him.


Not only that, but he's going to love every minute of it.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)




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