# The cheater's euphemism dictionary



## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Hello all!

In informing myself on TAM of how to proceed on my wife's potential PA (on pause at the moment,) I've come across a multitude of posts from people who seem unable or unwilling to translate what their SO is really, like REALLY REALLY, saying to them. In that spirit, I propose we create a "cheater's euphemisms dictionary" that can help any new inquisitive minds understand, right then and there, what the cheater is telling them. I understand 99.99% of the people here know more than I do about this subject so please feel free to make recommendations. As follows:


*EUPHEMISM**TRANSLATION*He/she is only a friend/co-workerThey are romantically tied to each other and there's nothing you can do to stop itHe/she isn't even my typeHe/she's exactly the opposite of you and that's why he/she is infatuated with him/herHe/she only kissed me on the cheekThey had sexI cannot believe you don't trust meHe/she cannot believe you found outWe only kissedThey have a very active sex liveWe only had sex onceHe/she's completely succumbed to his/her sexual requests and is probably doing things to him/her he/she wouldn't even dare do to youI am devastated I lost controlI love the fact that I lost control and succumbed to the animalistic innuendoWe only texted onceThey are sextingI don't even know if he/she is marriedSO has a 50-page dossier on this person and even knows what hand he/she uses to wipe his/her butt


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Some of these euphemisms can help potential cheat-ees identify which stage of the affair the two "tweety-baids" are in. Meaning, if you hear your SO say "she's only a coworker" what that really means is that they speak on a regular basis, that there's a great deal of mutual admiration, that he/she knows that you knowing about the relationship would be a bad thing, that he/she knows that keeping you in the dark is best for them and that the affair is, at the very least, entering EA territory. Of course, this would have to be accompanied by many other clues but... I think we get the point.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Sounds about right. I'd Add:

I never meant to hurt you = I don't give a F about you.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Dictum Veritas said:


> I never meant to hurt you = I don't give a F about you.


Yes. 
"I never meant to hurt you" is actually true. It means "I didn't think about you at all".


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I was just about to break up with them. = Oh crap! I got caught.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

“I didn’t know you cared” means they gave themselves permission to to whatever they wanted because, after all, you we the uncaring asshole.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

It was just/only sex. = So you thought you were special because we sleep together, you're no more special than anyone else, welcome to STD roulette, you've been playing for a while already.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

“It’s different with you cause I love you.” = I want a housekeeper and Plan B in case I strike out next time

“You should be secure enough to know I love you and it was just sex. Insecurity and jealousy aren’t attractive qualities. You should work on that.”- Honestly, I can’t think of a translation for this one other than “I’m an asshole.”

“If you let a guy have sex with other women, he will love you more because he knows you put his pleasure first. He’ll never leave you. If it bugs you just ask to join in.” - Seriously. 🙄. This is actual advice I was given once.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Two more:

He/she forced herself onto meI put up ZERO resistanceHe/she doesn’t mean anything to meYOU are my Plan B


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Insecurity and jealousy aren’t attractive qualities.


I hate that one.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Laurentium said:


> I hate that one.


Me too. If you think lap dances are cheating, you're insecure. If you don't want to participate in threesomes or group sex, you're insecure. If you don't appreciate your SO flirting with other women right in front of you, you're insecure. Basically, if you expect decency and respect from your life partner, you are insecure. It's a cop-out and a way to validate cruel behavior. The truth is, if I were insecure, I would assume such bad treatment was what I deserve, wouldn't I? 

Sorry, rant over. Cheaters really burn my biscuits. Especially the unrepentant ones.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Don’t forget the infamous “I love you but I’m not in love with you” = I have completely become besotted by my AP mind, body, and soul and don’t give two *** about what happens to you now.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

“It was just one time.” : In the last 12 hours

“Don’t you trust me?” : I think you’re stupid

“I still love you more than anyone.” : You shouldn’t be so upset about this.

“I just wanted to be happy for once.” : Feel sorry for me, I’m the victim not you.

“I just wanted to feel loved and wanted.” : It’s your fault I cheated

“I never meant to hurt you.” : I knew this would hurt you, which is why I didn’t tell you about it.

“I have learned my lesson, I’ll NEVER cheat again!” : I am way better at hiding things now.

“I am sorry! I’m sorry! I am SO SORRY!!!!” : What can I say to make this go away?

“I see you’ll never trust me again.” : I’m still the victim, just wanting to be loved. Teardrop.

“How do I know you won’t cheat on ME now?” : the worst thing you can do is cheat, it would be horrible, which is why I’m the only one allowed to do it.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Spoons027 said:


> Don’t forget the infamous “I love you but I’m not in love with you” = I have completely become besotted by my AP mind, body, and soul and don’t give two *** about what happens to you now.


Also means they know they are not in love with you because their love for OM/OW is so much greater. 

"he was like a brother to me" Dr Freud where are you I need help to explain this, my W told me this one.

"I noticed OM was so good looking" my W told me this one, means OM was better looking than me, or seen as, actually true.

"He never touched me" means only oral for OM possibly only stuck the head in. I heard that one

"I was angry at you" means I was not perfect which is more than enough to have an affair.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

"Why is this such a big deal? It was just sex, I wasn't planning to leave over it." - Men should do whatever they want and women should just shut the F up and stop nagging

"Men can compartmentalize. We have sex with other women and it's just sex, but when we have sex with our wives it's 'emotional bonding.'" - Men should do whatever they want and women should just shut the F up and stop nagging

"Women are more emotional and can't compartmentalize, so it's wrong for them to cheat because they're cheating with their hearts, not just their bodies." - Men should do whatever they want and women should just shut the F up and stop nagging


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

It's not what it looks like. ........It's exactly what it looks like

I blocked his/her number..........I found alternate means of communicating

I'm confused.............WS doesn't want to be with the BS but doesn't know how to say it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I need space: I need you out of the picture so I can have time with my lover without worrying you’ll come bother me. 

I’m confused: What’s your name again? Why are we still married? You mean you’re not going to pay my bills while I screw other people? What exactly did those vows say? 

I don’t think I ever really loved you: I don’t know what love is but I think I love having you pay my bills and eating cake too.

It was just one kiss: It was just one kiss —-right before I ripped their clothes off and slapped nasties.

It wasn’t physical: 1) But I did mentally f their brains out 25 times a day, and couldn’t wait to have the real thing first chance.
2) the first few times we talked, then—-/ oh boy, yeah we were at it like sex-crazed rabbits. Wait, did I say that out loud? 

“I never meant for this to happen!” Or the alternate “it just happened”. Yeah, it just happened after lots of effort and a million steps on my part, in which I could have stopped at any time but chose not to, and lots of careful planning to keep you from discovering our sordid affair.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> “I never meant for this to happen!” Or the alternate “it just happened”. Yeah, it just happened after lots of effort and a million steps on my part, in which I could have stopped at any time but chose not to, and lots of careful planning to keep you from discovering our sordid affair.


Ah yes. "It just happened." After careful planning and calculation on how, where, and when they're gonna meet up again. What lies they're gonna tell their spouses and the made up stories as alibis "just happened."


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

I would NEVER do that to you! You would get the divorce papers before I do something like that.Given the opportunity, I’d do it to you like… right now.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Babe, I love us!It means he/she loves the OM/OW.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Spoons027 said:


> Ah yes. "It just happened." After careful planning and calculation on how, where, and when they're gonna meet up again. What lies they're gonna tell their spouses and the made up stories as alibis "just happened."


Kind of like “it was an accident.” Really. So you met this person, arranged to meet up with them in a time when I wouldn’t find out, went to meet them, had sex with them and then lied about it “accidentally.”


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I would never do that! I’m not (insert the name of one of your exs). Then they turn out to be far worse.


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

I don't know what I was thinking.......... Yes, you did actually. You decided to take AP on a test drive and realized they were a lemon. ...........so I need Jorge to feel as if the whole thing was a mistake and let's go back to the way it used to be. Uh...No..... that's not happening.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

“It was a mistake” = “I don’t want to take responsibility”

“I’ve been depressed…” = “I want to play the victim so you excuse my cheating”

“It won’t ever happen again…” = “It will happen again, but I’ll just cover it up better.”


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Great thread!

Essential reading for any of our loved ones who are soon-to-be-marrieds.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Laurentium said:


> Yes.
> "I never meant to hurt you" is actually true. It means "I didn't think about you at all".


Heard that line …..or I never thought I would get caught.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

"But I told you in advance that I was taking a lover for a while, so that's not cheating, right?"


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> I would never do that! I’m not (insert the name of one of your exs). Then they turn out to be far worse.


This is probably the most damaging of them all because the cheater basically uses years of accumulated trust to leverage The Lie. 

To noobs: *no action* is deserving enough to have to be accompanied by trust. It should be self evident. If you ever hear "trust me" and your gut is telling you "this ain't right," EARS OPEN AND MOUTH SHUT.


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## CTPROF (6 mo ago)

"I love myself too much to cheat." My exww said this to me during a time when the posom (he, too, was married) was proposing marriage to her. She turned him down. 
I knew what was going on since D-Day was the day before. As she denied anything was going on, my first thought was, "Uh, what about loving your spouse too much to cheat?"


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> "But I told you in advance that I was taking a lover for a while, so that's not cheating, right?"


Yes that is right.

Since cheating by definition, actually requires an act of deception to be undertaken. Absent the deception part, it is just plain old adultery without the cheating bit.


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## Coloratura (Sep 28, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> “I didn’t know you cared” means they gave themselves permission to to whatever they wanted because, after all, you we the uncaring asshole.


This is exactly what my STBX said to me when I caught him kissing his assistant at work. Well, his exact words were, stated coldly, “I didn’t think you would care.”


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## Coloratura (Sep 28, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Kind of like “it was an accident.” Really. So you met this person, arranged to meet up with them in a time when I wouldn’t find out, went to meet them, had sex with them and then lied about it “accidentally.”


And his penis accidentally fell into her vagina. Crazy how that can happen!


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

My FWW when we sat down to talk right after day”well…it was just sex”….I wish I could have seen the look on my face when I heard that.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Direct quote from my XW: "I did not cheat. I had inappropriate relationships where the chemistry became sexualized. "
Translation: " I ****ed a lot of strangers,"


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> My FWW when we sat down to talk right after day”well…it was just sex”….I wish I could have seen the look on my face when I heard that.


The amazing thing is that you decided to stay. If I heard something like that, I would wonder if I married an imbecile.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Megaforce said:


> The amazing thing is that you decided to stay. If I heard something like that, I would wonder if I married an imbecile.


Long story. There were lots of reasons to stay. All is well now. Both of us worked hard to fix what was broken in us.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Coloratura said:


> And his penis accidentally fell into her vagina. Crazy how that can happen!


It happens a lot on this site LOL. A guy or gal has to be careful when they trip and fall you know.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Megaforce said:


> Direct quote from my XW: "I did not cheat. I had inappropriate relationships where the chemistry became sexualized. "
> Translation: " I ****ed a lot of strangers,"


The closest thing to cheater logic I’ve ever heard is… picture a drunk Inuit trying to recite Hamlet in an Albanian accent.

Utter jibber-jabber.


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## stillthinking (Jun 1, 2016)

I chose you…

so many translations possible for this one


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

stillthinking said:


> I chose you…
> 
> so many translations possible for this one


Kind of insinuating that “you” are his/her property, hence he/she can do with, or without, you whatever she likes.

People who think this way deserve divorce papers immediately. No counseling or therapy. Just “here are the divorce papers. Now, get the f-ck out of the house. Leave.”


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

JBLH said:


> Kind of insinuating that “you” are his/her property, hence he/she can do with, or without, you whatever she likes.
> 
> People who think this way deserve divorce papers immediately. No counseling or therapy. Just “here are the divorce papers. Now, get the f-ck out of the house. Leave.”


I think they expect you to be grateful that they didn't leave you. It's an extension of "I wasn't planning to end the marriage for those other people, so what are you complaining about" line of thinking.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

JBLH said:


> The closest thing to cheater logic I’ve ever heard is… picture a drunk Inuit trying to recite Hamlet in an Albanian accent.
> 
> Utter jibber-jabber.


I have noticed that there is a particular type of cheater, the more narcissistic types( although, IMO, most display some higher than normal narcissistic traits), that is very drawn to this type of gibberish/word salad. They seem to hold themselves out as more evolved, deeper thinkers etc. to whom the normal rules do not apply(as they do to the peasantry, like the BS).
This particular type feels great entitlement, as well as having such a high opinion of their level of spiritual and emotional evolution. This types way of dealing with any cognitive dissonance is to focus on how rules do not apply to them due to their elevated status.
My XW was fairly bright yet she was not at all embarrassed to tell me that " of course I am going to take more time off away from the family( we had 2 toddlers, one handicapped). I am more popular than you."

She used this time to meet strangers and have sex with them. Pretty spiritually evolved, eh?


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Megaforce said:


> I have noticed that there is a particular type of cheater, the more narcissistic types( although, IMO, most display some higher than normal narcissistic traits), that is very drawn to this type of gibberish/word salad. They seem to hold themselves out as more evolved, deeper thinkers etc. to whom the normal rules do not apply(as they do to the peasantry, like the BS).
> This particular type feels great entitlement, as well as having such a high opinion of their level of spiritual and emotional evolution. This types way of dealing with any cognitive dissonance is to focus on how rules do not apply to them due to their elevated status.
> My XW was fairly bright yet she was not at all embarrassed to tell me that " of course I am going to take more time off away from the family( we had 2 toddlers, one handicapped). I am more popular than you."
> 
> She used this time to meet strangers and have sex with them. Pretty spiritually evolved, eh?


Oh yeah… All these cheaters are narcissists alright. You have to be. When you get married, and especially you have kids, you are no longer an individual, you are part of a group, and some of these animals feel lost in this group. It really take a special kind of animal to supersede an individual want over a group need.

I’m married to a school psychologist and she is as narcissistic as it can possibly get (with a rampant case of passive-aggressiveness that makes me want to rip my face off sometimes). She initially refused to go to counseling because, as she put it, they tend to be social workers (meaning one peg below psychologists).


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

This one is close to my heart because we have a family friend that happens to be strictly gay and has us informed of all things gay. Among the many things we know from his advice is NEVER to asume a gay person will not have sex with a female. According to him, only a small portion of gay men are 100% gay, the rest will gladly have sex with a female if given the chance. Hence, if your significant other likes to go out with her gay friend, there’s a very good chance he is doing things with her you would never think he would:



He’s gay!She’s having wild sex with him because she knows you will never suspect anything.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

At no point was I planning on leaving you .. I didn't want you to know .. I needed someone .. It seemed like you didn't care anymore.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

We've all heard euphemisms that serial cheaters use. Do we have one for serial thread starters?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> "But I told you in advance that I was taking a lover for a while, so that's not cheating, right?"


If anyone received that notification, and then actually stuck around and allowed the situation to play out and hence then received the above justification - your tactics suck.


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## LKT1988 (4 mo ago)

JBLH said:


> Hello all!
> 
> In informing myself on TAM of how to proceed on my wife's potential PA (on pause at the moment,) I've come across a multitude of posts from people who seem unable or unwilling to translate what their SO is really, like REALLY REALLY, saying to them. In that spirit, I propose we create a "cheater's euphemisms dictionary" that can help any new inquisitive minds understand, right then and there, what the cheater is telling them. I understand 99.99% of the people here know more than I do about this subject so please feel free to make recommendations. As follows:
> 
> ...


What about "I don't really know them"?


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Gabriel said:


> We've all heard euphemisms that serial cheaters use. Do we have one for serial thread starters?


Let it go... Let it go...

Amazing how many people take seemly innocuous and inert commentary and turn tit into something else.


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

.....when trying to have a civil conversation with them regarding their infidelity ....they refer to it as, "Stepping outside the marriage".

....and therein ends the civility ...because my head wants to explode.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

TexasMom1216 said:


> "Why is this such a big deal? It was just sex, I wasn't planning to leave over it." - Men should do whatever they want and women should just shut the F up and stop nagging


Uh...I'm sure there's plenty of women who have said this. Probably the better translation is "[Cheater] should to whatever he/she wants and [betrayed spouse] should just shut the F up...."


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## Jeffsmith35 (Apr 8, 2021)

"He's like a brother”/"He's borderline gay" = I'm doing everything I can to make you think I'm not involved with him by turning your mind to thoughts of incest or that he likes men, even though he's hanging around an awful lot with me.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Hurtin_Still said:


> .....when trying to have a civil conversation with them regarding their infidelity ....they refer to it as, "Stepping outside the marriage".
> 
> ....and therein ends the civility ...because my head wants to explode.


My XW suggested we refer to her serial cheating as " the restless period".
As I mentioned in my earlier post, she loves this type of word salad. 
Her affairs were" inappropriate relationships wher the chemistry became sexualized ".
You cannot make this stuff up.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> "Why is this such a big deal? It was just sex, I wasn't planning to leave over it." - Men should do whatever they want and women should just shut the F up and stop nagging
> 
> "Men can compartmentalize. We have sex with other women and it's just sex, but when we have sex with our wives it's 'emotional bonding.'" - Men should do whatever they want and women should just shut the F up and stop nagging
> 
> "Women are more emotional and can't compartmentalize, so it's wrong for them to cheat because they're cheating with their hearts, not just their bodies." - Men should do whatever they want and women should just shut the F up and stop nagging


I think your catching on ….

By the way … stop nagging 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## loblawbobblog (9 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> “I never meant for this to happen!” Or the alternate “it just happened”. Yeah, it just happened after lots of effort and a million steps on my part, in which I could have stopped at any time but chose not to, and lots of careful planning to keep you from discovering our sordid affair.


My wife used this one, and in one of my rare good comebacks during that time, I said, "Oh, so you accidentally fell on his **** three times?"


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

I seriously thought you would not want to know!I knew you'd kill me if you found out, so I kept it a secret so that I can do it again. And again.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Or how about "I needed closure?"


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

After discovery:
“When are you going to let this go? I’m jumping through hoops for you”.

By the way, by “jumping through hoops”, all she did was remove the passcode from her phone.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Megaforce said:


> My XW suggested we refer to her serial cheating as " the restless period".
> As I mentioned in my earlier post, she loves this type of word salad.
> Her affairs were" inappropriate relationships wher the chemistry became sexualized ".
> You cannot make this stuff up.


I’m glad she’s your EX wife.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> “It’s different with you cause I love you.” = I want a housekeeper and Plan B in case I strike out next time
> 
> “You should be secure enough to know I love you and it was just sex. Insecurity and jealousy aren’t attractive qualities. You should work on that.”- Honestly, I can’t think of a translation for this one other than “I’m an asshole.”


THIS!


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

Megaforce said:


> My XW suggested we refer to her serial cheating as " the restless period".
> As I mentioned in my earlier post, she loves this type of word salad.
> Her affairs were" inappropriate relationships wher the chemistry became sexualized ".
> You cannot make this stuff up.


,,,,all replies from the 'cheater; that equate to 


Megaforce said:


> My XW suggested we refer to her serial cheating as " the restless period".
> As I mentioned in my earlier post, she loves this type of word salad.
> Her affairs were" inappropriate relationships wher the chemistry became sexualized ".
> You cannot make this stuff up.


.....restless period? ....my 'restless periods' are summed up in he following, "I got up middle of the night to eat a frikkin' banana ...because of calf cramps and potassium deficiency.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

BoSlander said:


> Hello all!
> 
> In informing myself on TAM of how to proceed on my wife's potential PA (on pause at the moment,) I've come across a multitude of posts from people who seem unable or unwilling to translate what their SO is really, like REALLY REALLY, saying to them. In that spirit, I propose we create a "cheater's euphemisms dictionary" that can help any new inquisitive minds understand, right then and there, what the cheater is telling them. I understand 99.99% of the people here know more than I do about this subject so please feel free to make recommendations. As follows:
> 
> ...


Gold 😂


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