# Lazy Lover - Is my hot commodity being wasted?



## Sex (Jun 23, 2011)

Hello all, this is my first time posting on these forums. :smthumbup:

As my username precedes myself, I am a very sexual 31 year old male. I can remember touching myself as early as 8 years old and feeling stimulation; for the past twenty years now, I will wake up in the middle of the night craving sex so bad I have to masturbate to be able to go back to sleep. This is one reason my wife and I sleep in separate rooms. She snores, I cause "earthquakes" in her dreams(true story she told me this). :rofl:

In any event, my wife and I have always been the short, cute, pudgy couple. Prior to meeting her I was quite fit in my early 20's and now after our child has reached the age of 1.8 years, I am working out again - I've lost 40 pounds in the last 6 months! 

Unfortunately, no matter how much I motivate my wife, she does not exercise, she does not move. She slurps down diet soda, sits on the couch, ignores our child and me for the most part, completely checking out to play on her iPhone.

Now, she is a great wife, really loving, really hard working at her job and does deserve some relaxation time. The problem I am having is...

SHE IS SO DAMN LAZY IN BED IT'S LIKE SLEEPING WITH A ZOMBIE!!! :banghead:

Now, she will have sex 3-4 times a week for me, even though she has very little libido - and this is not new, she has always been this way... I am her first, she was a virgin until she was 30 years old. I guess I just feel like my sexual prowess and sexy fit body are not motivating her to exercise, play more with our child and kick it up a notch in the sack. 

I know everything she has learned, she has learned from me - the problem is, she is a control freak and doesn't listen to anyone - resolving that people are just trying to get one over on her or dominate her.

*It's really frustrating! *

When she does try and make effort, I do my best to positively support her. The problem is, I am starting to get sexual wanderlust. I have so many sexual needs I don't feel she is meeting. I'll never cheat on her because she is a great spouse/mom, I just want to be happy and right now I feel blah about our marriage and sex life - mostly because I honestly require a lot of attention, I likely need polygamy. 

The other problem is she is full of excuses as to trying different thing. She gives great fellatio when she has the motivation, but she will not let me cum in her mouth - fair enough; let's try my other fetish...anal sex. Unfortunately, if my wife could somehow get a lump of coal up her tight ass, she would surely put the Shane Company out of business... even going to the bathroom makes her tear up. WTF 

So, two of my biggest fetishes, she won't do. I bought her the ultimate guide to anal sex, she doesn't read it. I tried reading it to her, she ignores me. I tried toys, I even let her peg me with her dildo(sexually pleasure me anally). Nothing. She just would rather eat chocolate, watch trash t.v. and slurp down diet soda.

When we first met, she was active, chubby but active... now she really has let herself go, pre-baby at that, this isn't baby fat or laziness. I also said to myself, "maybe these are things we can work on in the marriage". Such is not the case... we've been married two years and it's just not getting any more closer to being what I want.

I'm ready to be told I'm a douche, receive great advice, be told to ditch her, be told to stfu and be grateful... really, I need a community to give me an unbiased opinion. I am yours!

What should I do? (/Lebron)


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, hey, there was a lot of stuff in your post! First off, do you know what your wife's needs and desires are, both in and out of the bedroom? A woman's sexual drive can be very different than a man's. For many (not all) women, their drive is very tied to their emotional well-being and their emotional connection to you. If you are not nurturing this part of your relationship with your wife, she is likely to be a lot less responsive to you.

There's a lot of neediness in your post. As a woman, to have a man constantly after sex with seemingly little regard to anything else, would make that man very unattractive in many women's eyes. Do you think your wife could feel this way about you?

You know, most people have some level of personal boundaries that they want to enforce with others - whether its sexual or not. Sometimes those boundaries for sexual things are more flexible if we have an intimate, respectful, trusting, loving relationship with our partner. If we don't have that kind of relationship, we may not feel comfortable doing certain things with them. If this is the case, then the overall relationship with the partner needs to be worked on first.


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## MissLayla1986 (Aug 27, 2010)

Sex said:


> She gives great fellatio when she has the motivation, but she will not let me cum in her mouth - fair enough; let's try my other fetish...anal sex. Unfortunately, if my wife could somehow get a lump of coal up her tight ass, she would surely put the Shane Company out of business... even going to the bathroom makes her tear up. WTF
> 
> So, two of my biggest fetishes, she won't do.


Those are two pretty demanding fetishes; to some girls, that would be like choosing between a root canal and having your tooth pulled. I'm a very sexual person, and I don't like either of those things (luckily, my husband doesn't either). Your wife already has sex with you 3-4 times a week, so if anal/swallowing is your threshold for being satisfied, maybe you should assess your own expectations. 

But I agree with you that your wife should meet you halfway and start working out. Physical fitness is very important to me and my husband and has benefited our sex life immensely, especially since working out is a natural aphrodesiac. Some of the best sex we've ever had has come right after one or both of us just got done working out. Have you considered buying her some equipment or videos so that she can exercise at home?


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## Sex (Jun 23, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Well, hey, there was a lot of stuff in your post! First off, do you know what your wife's needs and desires are, both in and out of the bedroom? A woman's sexual drive can be very different than a man's. For many (not all) women, their drive is very tied to their emotional well-being and their emotional connection to you. If you are not nurturing this part of your relationship with your wife, she is likely to be a lot less responsive to you.
> 
> There's a lot of neediness in your post. As a woman, to have a man constantly after sex with seemingly little regard to anything else, would make that man very unattractive in many women's eyes. Do you think your wife could feel this way about you?
> 
> You know, most people have some level of personal boundaries that they want to enforce with others - whether its sexual or not. Sometimes those boundaries for sexual things are more flexible if we have an intimate, respectful, trusting, loving relationship with our partner. If we don't have that kind of relationship, we may not feel comfortable doing certain things with them. If this is the case, then the overall relationship with the partner needs to be worked on first.


See, this is the reason I came here 

I was cooking dinner and started to simply ask her what her needs are, literally, those words. I got a hug and praise. After we ate, I asked her what her needs are sexually...again she got bashful and hugged me, assuring me she has everything she needs. 

I know it seems ridiculous but sometimes I don't have the insight into the simplest concepts of how women function emotionally. Thanks for this advice, it worked!

As for boundaries, yes, she comments that anal just hurts. I understand - I just wish she would put effort into it, I am slow and gentle, I use proper techniques per much reading material - it's a mental thing for her and maybe I just need to engage her in the manner prescribed in the latter for a long enough period to motivate her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sex (Jun 23, 2011)

MissLayla1986 said:


> Those are two pretty demanding fetishes; to some girls, that would be like choosing between a root canal and having your tooth pulled. I'm a very sexual person, and I don't like either of those things (luckily, my husband doesn't either). Your wife already has sex with you 3-4 times a week, so if anal/swallowing is your threshold for being satisfied, maybe you should assess your own expectations.
> 
> But I agree with you that your wife should meet you halfway and start working out. Physical fitness is very important to me and my husband and has benefited our sex life immensely, especially since working out is a natural aphrodesiac. Some of the best sex we've ever had has come right after one or both of us just got done working out. Have you considered buying her some equipment or videos so that she can exercise at home?


You are correct. Life is not a porno...unless you're Charlie Sheen...I digress 
We do have some equipment available in home within a week. She had assured me she will start a program. 

I am hoping in time she will meet me halfway with one of my two fetishes. Any advice an how I should approach manifesting this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

So you think you are a "hot commodity" and that you are being wasted? You said you were chubby until recently, and that your wife has always been chubby and you married her anyway. On the one hand you say she's a great wife and mother and on the other hand you say she's not at all what you want. Lots of conflicting messages.

It's great you lost weight and are now working out but it sounds like you are looking down on your wife because she hasn't done the same. How would you feel if the tables were turned?

Women often gain weight when their emotional needs are not being met. Maybe you need to pay some attention to being a good husband to your wife. Maybe she's legitimately tired from working and taking care of the baby. Maybe she can sense that you are looking down on her. Who knows. Women are motivated to lose weight and look good when they are receiving positive affirmation and attention from their husbands. So I would start there.


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## Sex (Jun 23, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> So you think you are a "hot commodity" and that you are being wasted? You said you were chubby until recently, and that your wife has always been chubby and you married her anyway. On the one hand you say she's a great wife and mother and on the other hand you say she's not at all what you want. Lots of conflicting messages.
> 
> It's great you lost weight and are now working out but it sounds like you are looking down on your wife because she hasn't done the same. How would you feel if the tables were turned?
> 
> Women often gain weight when their emotional needs are not being met. Maybe you need to pay some attention to being a good husband to your wife. Maybe she's legitimately tired from working and taking care of the baby. Maybe she can sense that you are looking down on her. Who knows. Women are motivated to lose weight and look good when they are receiving positive affirmation and attention from their husbands. So I would start there.


Good to know about emotions and such with the weight gain. Perhaps I am condescending, I'll have to think more about her feelings before I speak. 

Are you questioning my hotness, chubby or fit? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You like yourself don't you? Or at lest that most important part of you. That's good but leave a little room in there to like your wife too. 

Your last name wouldn't be Wiener would it? I hope you are not one of those unfortunate men who think that being well endowed makes you a god among women. , you love your junk much more than anyone to whom you eagerly show it, much more. 

Women will not chase you down and impale themselves on your member out of excitement. You actually have to take an active interest in the proceedings in the bedroom to be a good lover, dangling it about with pride is boring. 

Do you think the problem with your wife is that she got married with expectations of love, affection, mutual pleasure and you were looking for penis worship?? Just saying
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

Another blunt blast - can you take it? Remember you asked!

I see something in your post that concerns me. (well many things but here is one). You say you won't cheat, but yet you talk about cheating (sexual wanderlust - and whats with the polygamy comment - eeewwww). So it sounds like you won't cheat but instead are considering leaving the marriage. Someone once slapped me across the face by pointing out that one of the first steps of either cheating or ending a marriage is looking for faults in your spouse that justify the action you really want. I am hearing a lot of justifying in your post!!!!!

You say you won't cheat - now! I hope that is true. But are you on the path to the end of your marriage? I think you have stepped there or are at least considering it. Careful! - It's a long slippery slope once on it. If loosing the weight has made you too hot for your wife - maybe you should put it back on! 

In Catherine's words - "Just saying"!!!!

Consider the positives you have mentioned - Here's your own words

1. she is a great wife, really loving, really hard working at her job 
2. she will have sex 3-4 times a week for me, even though she has very little libido 
3. everything she has learned, she has learned from me
4. She gives great fellatio when she has the motivation
5. I even let her peg me with her dildo(sexually pleasure me anally)

This sounds like a woman who is trying to please her husband to me. But its not enough - you want more! Perhaps she is at the point where she feels no matter what she does it won't be enough for you and she is just giving up. Not lazy, but tired of trying so hard maybe?


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## Sex (Jun 23, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> You like yourself don't you? Or at lest that most important part of you. That's good but leave a little room in there to like your wife too.
> 
> Your last name wouldn't be Wiener would it? I hope you are not one of those unfortunate men who think that being well endowed makes you a god among women. , you love your junk much more than anyone to whom you eagerly show it, much more.
> 
> ...





mary35 said:


> Another blunt blast - can you take it? Remember you asked!
> 
> I see something in your post that concerns me. (well many things but here is one). You say you won't cheat, but yet you talk about cheating (sexual wanderlust - and whats with the polygamy comment - eeewwww). So it sounds like you won't cheat but instead are considering leaving the marriage. Someone once slapped me across the face by pointing out that one of the first steps of either cheating or ending a marriage is looking for faults in your spouse that justify the action you really want. I am hearing a lot of justifying in your post!!!!!
> 
> ...



HOW DARE YOU WENCHES!!!! 


Nah - I'm just kidding 

@Catherine, you make a good point about penis worship and yes, I do expect her to worship my body as I worship hers. I do expect her to impale herself on my **** because, well, it is a very nice ****. :smthumbup: 

Most women, although they would never admit it due to societal pressures to be reserved sexually, would kill for a guy that can do what I do in bed. She wants for not in that regard.

Catherine, your commentary leads me to believe you have been on the receiving end of someone who provides much affection. I can tell that you have had the pleasure of someone kissing the nape of your neck, treating you gently in bed, caressing you softly in places that make you lose all inhibitions.
You simply lurk these forums to help women who have married some neanderthal and do not have the love and respect your significant other gives you? Is that it?  


Dearest Mary, I would love nothing more than for you to blast me bluntly. :whip:

You are quite right, I am looking for reasons to get out of my marriage because I am not getting everything I want. While I believe that is a bit childish of me, I also have sat here and listened to five women offer advice about how to go about my wife's needs and offer nothing in regard to what she should do to change but what I should do to foster this change within her.

I have to admit, that at least two of you (Laurae and Catherine) are making women look terribly dependent on men for their mental well being and physical fitness. This is very sad.  
I believe women are much more self reliant and independent than how you describe and I for one am looking for independent women who can offer advice that I can give to my wife, not how I can foster her change with even more effort than I am putting in now. 

I have to also take into account the personality archetypes of women who are even on this forum, let alone the ones who would bother to respond to a post like this. Needless to say, it's all great advice but it's become clear that it's gender biased advice. Thank you anyhow!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, if your wife were the one here asking for advice, we would happily give it to her and would likely recommend things she could do.  However, YOU are the one here and for someone to recommend to you how she should change just isn't gonna work. After all, you can only change... you.

And the comment about women wanting to be with someone who is good in bed like you - well only if there's no condescending attitude to match. 

Just be careful - as you may find that any women you may encounter in the future could end up being carbon copies of how your wife is acting. And perhaps that could be due to... I don't know... you?


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## Sex (Jun 23, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Well, if your wife were the one here asking for advice, we would happily give it to her and would likely recommend things she could do.  However, YOU are the one here and for someone to recommend to you how she should change just isn't gonna work. After all, you can only change... you.
> 
> And the comment about women wanting to be with someone who is good in bed like you - well only if there's no condescending attitude to match.
> 
> Just be careful - as you may find that any women you may encounter in the future could end up being carbon copies of how your wife is acting. And perhaps that could be due to... I don't know... you?


That makes logical sense. I suppose that is something I have seen in many women I have dated over the years, I guess that means that I just have an adverse reaction to a key quality of all women. Unless I want to be in the dating game for the rest of my life, than that is something I should look into remedying, now isn't it? 

I guess my expectations are not well placed, I was in fact expecting advice I could give to her... but I feel that is part of the problem, she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her. I'm not perfect by any means but I certainly am making an effort, this should be a smidgen of evidence to say the least.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Mr. "Sex", love your name by the way, funny it has not been taken after thousands of members here. 

So you are (now) the HOT one in the relationship shedding 40 lbs & you are suddendly starting to feel your " 1-10 SEX RANK" went up a few notches while your wife's has remained the same. 

I will have to agree with you this generally DOES change the dynamics of the relationship for many men and woman, even if they do not want to outright admit it. Many would judge you to be "selfish" and "shallow" -wanting to change her now , not being able to overlook what you always did in the past. I am not jumping on you here, just stating -some of us are like that. Just be humble, admit it, it's OK. I am accualy this way myself, would still love but the desire would wane. 

The only difference is, for you , you will take MORE critism because you married her heavier and now you want to change the rules. I accually have sympathy for those who married thin, and one gains alot of weight, I can understand their loss of attraction and marital stress over these things. I don't fault them for it. 

But how to arouse a change in her. Depends on her personality and how sensitive she is - a thread here : http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/26846-not-attracted-my-wife.html

I am reading this book right now Amazon.com: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (9781460981733): Athol Kay: Books - (yeah I am the wife, it is strange, my husband hates to read & I give him the tips) Anyway, it has a whole chapter devoted to this 1-10 scaling business when one spouse is not in shape & the other suddenly decides to get in shape. The chapter is entitled "*Sex Rank*" - the author has NO TROUBLE telling men that if they dont upper their attractivenes RANK by getting in shape & other things , chances are thier more sexually attractive women may soon be noticing other men similar to their higher rank . 

To avoid affairs,we need to keep our rank on a similar scale at all times. Funny, I think men can get away with a book like that -telling other men to DO this, but WOMEN can not, or we will be attacked by other women. 

Also your other issue is she has zero interest in your 2 fetishes, this is another thing that can influence sex rank, a woman who may be a 6 in attractiveness can raise that bar to an 8 if she is a wild seductress in bed willing & ready for all her man's desires, it is not just LOOKS but a variety of things offered in the marraige. 

So tell me, if she had the body but lacked in the bedroom, would this help you, or would you more happily choose the Chubby with her enjoying your fetish's ? Or you want it ALL to change to suit you?

I like more STUFF than my husband in the bedroom (more talk, more creativity, more aggresiveness), but he has so many other qualities to make up for this little lack, it is EASY for me to be satisfied let's say 95% of the time . I think when our scales get tipped too much in one direction, we start wondering what is over the fence. 

Have you ever sat her down and asked her what SHE would want MORE FROM YOU, maybe more affection, being a better listener, just as an example ? Surely she has her own little list. Do this --and post back -then we can help YOU to work on yourself -and this may be your ticket to motivate her to move more in your direction -to please you. Then everyone wins.


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## Sex (Jun 23, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Mr. "Sex", love your name by the way, funny it has not been taken after thousands of members here.
> 
> So you are (now) the HOT one in the relationship shedding 40 lbs & you are suddendly starting to feel your " 1-10 SEX RANK" went up a few notches while your wife's has remained the same.
> 
> ...


SimplyAmorous, great post!

i think perhaps i may have misrepresented the situation. I am not interested in my wife losing weight to look more attractive, I am interested in her losing weight so she will have more energy to be less lazy. 

When we met she was 160 lbs, she is now 260, that's not a small amount of weight and it was gained before she was pregnant. That's an extreme amount of weight. Her BMI is 51. She could literally die at her age due to this weight.

It's not a selfish or shallow reason, I don't want to be alone raising our daughter alone. I don't want someone who is so overweight it makes them lazy and at risk for an early demise.

She is now and always will be beautiful. I like thick women, that's hwy I married her, but thick and obese and two entirely different things.

As far as choosing between weight/fetishes - I would have to take the weight loss as it benefits her, my daughter and me. The fetishes just benefit me and I am not not self centered.

The loss of attraction isn't because of her size, it's because of her lethargy. Her lack of spontaneity. Her lack of putting effort into the bedroom. 

I did ask her last night what she wants and she said, "I have everything". she is a very domineering person, what she really said was, "I'll take what I want, when I want and since you have complied with that strategy all throughout our relationship, I therefore have everything I need."

My wife is a scientist, she is a very pragmatic and logical woman. 

About the only thing she has ever asked of me, is to be less critical of her - which is kind of manipulative of her as that means I can't try and offer her advice or motivate her as it falls under criticism of her.

So, I am trying to be less critical - but at the same time she has lame excuses like, "Well, I never dated anyone before I met you, so I have been this way all my life, I can't change, sorry."

That's a ****ty cop-out because I have had to give up so much of myself, my free time and all of my money to give her the life she wants.

Essentially, I feel like I get nothing and she gets everything and she is willing to risk our marriage just so she doesn't have to actually make the difficult effort to change.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

You sound so full of yourself. That's not very attractive to most women (especially women who have good self-esteem). You are the one who came on asking for advice so we are giving you advice, not your wife. You can only change what you do, not what your wife does.

I'm not sure how you translated my post into a statement about women being needy or overly reliant on their partner to meet their needs. And it is you posting about your needs not being met by your wife, so you might want to examine things a bit more.

I would try to see your wife's perspective and look at things you might be doing that are getting in the way of what you want.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Sex said:


> '
> Most women, although they would never admit it due to societal pressures to be reserved sexually, would kill for a guy that can do what I do in bed. She wants for not in that regard.


Seriously? So, you've learned how to print money and make chocolate in your bed? Now, that's a hot commodity!! Best I can do is somersaults.


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## Sex (Jun 23, 2011)

Halien said:


> Seriously? So, you've learned how to print money and make chocolate in your bed? Now, that's a hot commodity!! Best I can do is somersaults.


:lol:


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

something stinks in here!

and it isn't the responces.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Sex said:


> SimplyAmorous, great post!
> 
> i think perhaps i may have misrepresented the situation. I am not interested in my wife losing weight to look more attractive, I am interested in her losing weight so she will have more energy to be less lazy.



Hey Sex, now if this is the case, you are painting yourself as a really GOOD man and you should have NO shame in expressing your desires here , even almost demanding them, this is NOT selfish , this is indeed LOVING . I think I see you in a whole new light now !

I agree 260 is not at all healthy you are looking at increased risk of all types of cancer, high blood pressure, cholesterol, diebetes, untold medical bills, perscription meds, plus YEARS off her life. 

My husband is thin at 150 & has high cholesterol (I worry about the meds affecting his testosterone) so I watch his diet like a freaking hawk, then his blood sugar is near Pre-diabetic, I worry SO much about this- I practically feed him cardboard so he stays healthy & within #'s (knowing all the meds that treat this will lower his Test levels -something I fear!) , and I don't give a da** if he gets mad at me or not -- I tell him "Listen, you can say all you want to me, make fun of my food, I don't care , I love you & want you to be around here for me & the kids" then I tell him ..."if the sex life goes, I am outtta here", so he eats the cardboard. He'll give up the bacon. 

This is love, this is not selfishness. 




> It's not a selfish or shallow reason, I don't want to be alone raising our daughter alone. I don't want someone who is so overweight it makes them lazy and at risk for an early demise.


 If she can not see this is LOVE, she is not a wise woman. 



> As far as choosing between weight/fetishes - I would have to take the weight loss as it benefits her, my daughter and me. The fetishes just benefit me and I am not not self centered.


 Again, LOVE 



> So, I am trying to be less critical - but at the same time she has lame excuses like, "Well, I never dated anyone before I met you, so I have been this way all my life, I can't change, sorry."


 Does she fully realize the health risks ? Did any of her relatives DIE young of health related illnesses due to being overweight? I have met many people who are aware of their family history and go out of their way to NOT follow in the footsteps of them -in dieting and exercise to keep something at bay . It is a worthwhile pursuit in life. 

Unfortunetly she has to see the value.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

I hope you have misrepresented the sitution here! If you are truly only concerned about your wife's weight for health reasons and for the sake of your daughter - then what was all the sex stuff about in your original post?

No matter what your motives are - the fact remains the same, you can not change your wife. You only have the power to work on yourself. Espcially with weight issues, which are as complex as sex issues, trying to get your wife to change and lose the weight is pointless in my opion. I have yet to see anyone lose weight and keep it off because someone else wanted them too. The desire, the motivation, and the work all has to come from your wife in order for her to change her ways. You can encourage, nag, scream, threaten, beg, put her down, or anything else that gets your fancy, but if she doesnt want to change herself, it is NOT going to happen!!!

So - you want advice from an independent woman? Don't mis-understand, I do get the weight issue, both on a health level, and on an attraction level. However my advice is still the same. Let it go - and concentrate your efforts on things YOU have control over - like - I don't know - taming your ego a bit - maybe? lol And yes, maybe you will have to decide if her issues are deal breakers for you!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Sex, are you clairvoyant or joking?? It so happen's that my husband is affectionate; he is not naturally so. He is HD like you and was less prone to cuddle and hug when we first got married. He was also a bit full of himself, a little like you but not as boastful. 

My post to you was not meant to be hostile, it was tongue in cheek . You seem to be a typical, if there is such a thing, high testosterone young male. 

You have several things in your favor - some you pointed out already :smthumbup:, I'll add that you seem genuinely self-confident, I can tell because you did not become defensive, you love your wife, you have a sense of humor and your are cheerful as hell. It makes me smile. 

The problems with your wife will help you to temper that wonderful natural male aggressiveness. To feel as you do - proud, sexy and ready is good and attractive. It is also overwhelming to some women who are repressed. 

It is important for you to harness it, reign it in a bit. Allow yourself to be influenced by female energy. Don't worry, it will not make a drone out of you, just a better and more satisfied lover and man for your wife. 

It is part of maturing I think and leaning to temper the incessant urge that your hormones bring so that you satisfy your wife so you both can fully express your sexualities.

I was a shy, inexperienced girl when I got married. I thought my husband's penis was ugly. The thought of giving oral sex was revolting and the mention of anal sex sent me running in fear.

I now enjoy a variety of fun things with my husband. I got here because my husband forced himself to be what I need. A little less like Conan the Barbarian and a little more like Batman. I was luck that he saw how inhibited I was and he wanted to coax me out of my shell not push me out. 

My husband says that at first, having to tone it down full notch to playful, and patient was very difficult at first but, it became a part of him, especially when I began to change. 

You have received good advice. Please take it. I know you will be happier and so will your wife. You will become a god in her eyes.


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## bossesgirl26 (Jun 19, 2011)

You both should want to please eachother. Sounds like you have tried asking her what would please her. Does she ask the same? I knew early on, before husband I got married that anal was something he liked on occaision. Yes it is painful at first. But he took his time. He was gentle and slow. Now I like it too. Crazy I know. But I also like how much it pleases him. Now I would say we do that 2-3x per month. For me I want to please and respect my husband. He is the boss and leader. If he wants anal, that it is.(unless I am totally against for whatever reason that day) I also swallow when doing oral. Husband finds it disrespectrul for wife to not do so. I find it very sexy and submissive to be on my belly getting anal or to be submissive orally. I know everyone will beat me up, saying husband a jerk, etc. But we have a good, active sex life, where both of us are happy


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I just had to comment on this post.. it's um.. amusing!

First of all before my MS diagnosis I was so experimental in bed, and out of it (public, plane.. you name it) that most of my boyfriends and my husband were stunned. So I am no prude.

HOWEVER I would NEVER have anal sex. It is not a normal need for women.. unless you are paid or some guy makes you try it.
SOME women can learn to enjoy it occasionally. 

Your wife tells you that she does not want to have anal sex, so you buy her a book on it? She is a virgin until she was 30 because?? Religion maybe? And what does religion, and most physicians for that matter say about anal sex? Please see Dr. Drew, the "authority" on sexual behavior for the last 10 years. He will point blank tell you not to brutalize your wife with anal sex. We are not designed for it. Maybe try things in that region and see how she likes it, but for the love of God stop treating her like this. 

As for "Bossesgirl**... yeah.. no comment - You need to find a person like that 

As for me.. I would have told you I would be happy to have anal sex with you. As long as I could try my fetish.. a strap on and anal sex on a man 

Did you discuss these fetishes with her before you got married? Was she willing to do them? And now you are surprised and ready to throw her to the curb.

With a husband like this she should be motivated.. how?? She sounds depressed... and I don't blame her. You come off very pompous. As if she should be bowing at your feet...


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I see this poster was banned. . .not sure why but I will speak a little to this since it seems lately (and it's kinda funny if you knew me to fill this "moral role) that spirituality and sex has been falling to me.

But I like the 7 Deadly sins (Anger, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, Greed, Lust and my favorite, Pride). . .I think what we have here is a case of Gluttony at work here with Pride being in there too. Lust is arguable too.

Like one poster noted, he has a pretty decent sex life. . .but no, he wants more. Stuff his mouth with banana cream pie overflowing onto his mouth and when that doesn't satisfy him, he wants sour cream and onion chips. He is literally being a pig with sex. A prideful pig, but a pig nonetheless.

Now, looking back, I am speaking as an "ex-glutton."

Nothing wrong with a "healthy appetite", our appetites are all healthy when we are young, but I think a good diet of sex should have a regular diet of healthy sex, occasional fasting, sometimes an extended fast, with only an occasional indulgence for good health.


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