# Please help me I am goin Nuts!



## nuts (May 21, 2013)

Ok let me first say I am so grateful to be in this community and to be able to get some perspective from others that are not directly involved in my situation. I feel like I am dying at the moment,. I have not ate in five days and am not sleeping. Hers the situation. All advice is appreciated. I have been with my current partner ( we will call her jane) on and off for the past nine years. We have a serious connection. Even when we are not together and are dating someone else we always ended up still talking to each other. Last year while we were not together I started dating someone and she was dating someone,. Jane sent me an email telling me that she realized what she had when she had me and that she wanted me to come back home. I left the person I was with and went back to jane. We have been back together now for a year. And in my opinion it is the best that it had ever been. Sure we have our issues but it really was seeming good or so I thought., A few weeks ago I noticed that she was seeming kinda distant.. but really didnt put to much thought into it snce she is learning a new job and just moved.. so i figured it was just from the stress of those things and money as well. I have had my own apartment this whole time but she wanted me to move in with her to her new house. She helped me move everything out of my apartment a week ago,. I broke the lease and was excited to start our forever lives together in this new home. On friday night i went outside and asked her point blank if she was talking to someone else.. she changed the subject and started listing all the things that she was not happy with within our relationship.. I then said dont changet the subject.. and asked again she looked up at me and said yes she was... I went nuts started screaming and then crying,, She followed me and gave me a hug and a kiss and said I love you more than anything you know... UMMM What the heck No I dont think u do or else you would not be seeing someone else. I told her that if she wanted to keep me that all conversation with the other person and contact had to stop. (btw she works with the girl and she lives in our same town) anyway she told me that she was not wanting to stop with the other girl and that right now she is confused and does not know what to do.. In fact on Sat night i came inside to change and go back outside to sit with her and she had took off. She had been drinking and even after how upset I was and stuff she still left and went to go see her. I am crushed. I gave up my apt to be here with her,. I helped her for the past month renovating the house and have put in thousands of dollars. I am crushed I still want to be with her but she is talking to her still. What do I do? I have nowhere else to go and she just seems confused, I found her phone and I called the other girl and she just said.. sorry I didnt wanna hurt u but it seems its to late for that, So anyway she is still talking to the other girl.. we are still in the same house .. still sleeping in the same bed.. but I am goin nuts. Everytime she is on her phone I almost wanna start a fight or cry or run,,,, everytime she leaves I wanna folllow her. Today they are around each other at work and it is makin me nuts  I am not ready to give up on us.... All i keep thinking is why would she have had me move in here is in the back of her head she knew that it wasnt gonna work with the new girl.


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## nuts (May 21, 2013)

Also would like to add that they have been talking for two months


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Seems your GF has the atention span of a squirrel. And she's a cake eater.
Move out. Really. Get your hings and move out. And go NC, dark on her. Remove yourself. Have self respect.
Man, it seems you were used for the house. I'd be tempted to demand my money back but surely there's no way.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Only just read the first few sentences. Please eat something, you've got to look after yourself.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I would leave and leave for good. Jane has clearly demonstrated his much you do not mean to her.

She's blatantly cheating on you, even going one date on Saturday, knowing you'd know.

Ask for the money you put into her house back. It's likely gone forever and stop wasting time with someone who does not value you as their top priority.

And do not look back. You need to internalize that each moment you waste on Jane is a moment she doesn't value, and a moment you could be sharing with someone who did love you.

Jane does not love you. If she did she wouldn't be dating the other girl.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

azteca1986 said:


> Only just read the first few sentences. Please eat something, you've got to look after yourself.


:iagree:


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## OvaryPunch (May 15, 2013)

azteca1986 said:


> Only just read the first few sentences. Please eat something, you've got to look after yourself.


I agree. 

I'm going through the Divorce Diet right now as well. I have to remind myself to eat because I'm just not hungry. Losing weight as well. But you have to force it otherwise you will get sick.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Answer this question: Why do you want to be with someone that clearly does not want you? Do you think you can make her love you again? Its time for you to go and find someone you can be happy with.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I've been through that with my wife...I would make these big changes with her...and they always seem to come at times when she decides to relationally jump ship. Life Lesson for the uninitiated: Never make a risky big change with a relationship if your partner has become emotionally withdrawn...enough for your to question the security of the relationship. I think our partners do that because they feel that they are drifting...and are trying to jumpstart it with a big change...but that never plays out well.
Sorry you are going through this. Talk with her...let her know how much it pains you to see her with another woman...but also remind her what a predicament you are in because you gave up everything to move in with her and now have nowhere else to go. BE VERY CALM...even if you hear things that are painful. Ask her to choose..and if she can't or if she chooses the other woman...then calmly work out the details of your living arrangement and how best to cooperate with your plans to move out without being tossed out in the street.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Find someone who will treat you the way you deserve. She's just discarded you after all you've done. So sorry for you.

Nine years on and off. It's off now, you should keep it that way.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Eat something. Get drunk, get laid, move on. This girls is nuttier than a fruitcake.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Nuts here is the situation you love her and want her to be with you. She does not love you or want to be with you. None of this is your fault she used you and is now tossing you aside. No relationship works with 3 people in it and she is treating you like crap. 

1: Disconnect from her stop sleeping in the same bed, stop having sex, don't make small talk.
2: Make arrangements to move out I know you may be strapped but make plans to save let her know you are leaving.
3: Tell her that she has hurt you and that you no longer believe in her kind of love. She has disrespected you and used you. Her I am sorry is worthless to you as it can never take away the pain.
4: End your relationship with her and your friendship make it painfully apparent that you want NOTHING to do with her.
5: Stop trying to help her with anything focus on you. That means go out and find someone else go out with friends.


If you keep chasing her she is only going to keep hurting you she is stuck in her selfishness and her words are worthless to you know. Do not believe her on anything ACTIONS show the true intentions of people not words. Please keep posting there are people her who can help you get through this.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

You've been played. You used you to do up her place now that's it's done you're the one between a rock and a hard place.

I'd swallow the bitterest of pills, chalk it up as a loss and find somewhere else to go. Nothing is worth the amount of disrespect she's showing you. No one is worth that amount of disrespect.

I'm guessing she's "confused" because you bring in the money..am I right?

Let her go. Lots more ladies for a good lady like you


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## maynsx (May 21, 2013)

Also would like to add that they have been talking for two months


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## nuts (May 21, 2013)

LoriC said:


> Answer this question: Why do you want to be with someone that clearly does not want you? Do you think you can make her love you again? Its time for you to go and find someone you can be happy with.


Such a good question. I guess I considered her my forever. I'm just so shocked
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nuts (May 21, 2013)

azteca1986 said:


> Find someone who will treat you the way you deserve. She's just discarded you after all you've done. So sorry for you.
> 
> Nine years on and off. It's off now, you should keep it that way.


Awe thanks. I know. Do u know what it's like to be laying in bed next to her wit her phone goin off mid of night and first thing in the am and having to witness it but being an idiot And lovin her too much to walk away. It's like I am intentionally hurting myself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nuts (May 21, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> Eat something. Get drunk, get laid, move on. This girls is nuttier than a fruitcake.


This made me laugh so fn hard. Thanks u 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nuts (May 21, 2013)

CEL said:


> Nuts here is the situation you love her and want her to be with you. She does not love you or want to be with you. None of this is your fault she used you and is now tossing you aside. No relationship works with 3 people in it and she is treating you like crap.
> 
> 1: Disconnect from her stop sleeping in the same bed, stop having sex, don't make small talk.
> 2: Make arrangements to move out I know you may be strapped but make plans to save let her know you are leaving.
> ...


 Thanks so much for your kind words. It seems to just be gettin worse I gave her a letter telling her she had till Monday to decide but I think she us or easy made her choice. And her choice I don't believe will b me and that kills me. Seriously two weeks ago I would hve never known this was goin on. And I mean any of it. I sit all day and cry thinking about what they are doing at work and on lunch break together and it drives me nuts. I am so heartbroken and shocked
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nuts (May 21, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> You've been played. You used you to do up her place now that's it's done you're the one between a rock and a hard place.
> 
> I'd swallow the bitterest of pills, chalk it up as a loss and find somewhere else to go. Nothing is worth the amount of disrespect she's showing you. No one is worth that amount of disrespect.
> 
> ...


Well lets just say it will be a struggle to her if I am not here to help pay. That is for sure and money makes her nuts. I believe she loves me. Just not enough or not the right way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Quote of Nuts
> Well lets just say it will be a struggle to her if I am not here to help pay. That is for sure and money makes her nuts. I believe she loves me. Just not enough or not the right way




Nuts
You are hurt but you need to know the truth. *She does not love you with strong committed love.* She may have emotional excitement with you or tears but true love does not betray a person and then continue to betray.

If she has any degree of love for you at all then when you put her completly out of your life she may may want to work on getting her feelings for you to the state of real love. *Do not let that possiblity stop you from you building yourself up.*


*Get some help so that you get stronger emotionally and every other way*. You will suffer for a while but you can get a LOT better. Do not let your weakened emotional state that she has put you in stop you from concentrating on only you getting better. Your emotional state can override reality such as you stating that she loves you. No one intentionally hurts another like she has you and then continues to hurt that person if there is real love involved.

*You can heal; millions of people have in your situation and so can you!*


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## Nujabes (May 16, 2013)

Why did she want you to move in with her?

Help pay for rents payments and looking for attention and someone to talk to. So you're basically her plan b.

Move out, go look after yourself... If that hadn't been said a thousand times already lol.

Without self respect I don't think anyone is ready for a relationship.


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## nuts (May 21, 2013)

Nujabes said:


> Why did she want you to move in with her?
> 
> Help pay for rents payments and looking for attention and someone to talk to. So you're basically her plan b.
> 
> ...


Yes I know. I think she loves me but I think I am now bring used. And what's worse it the affair has gone on two months and she was so sneaky about it. But it's like now that it's in the open she don't care and texts her all the time right in front of me. I wish I was stronger
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

nuts said:


> But it's like now that it's in the open she don't care and texts her all the time right in front of me.


How disrespectful. From what you've posted, she's not in love with you; she's in love with the money you bring in. Whatever the two of you shared in the past has now gone.



> I wish I was stronger


You're stronger than you think.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Sounds to me like the money and renovations to her place is what she wanted. She got them and it's time to move on again.

Sorry, I know this hurts, but I can't help think that there was a hidden agenda in you moving back in with her.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

nuts said:


> Thanks so much for your kind words. It seems to just be gettin worse I gave her a letter telling her she had till Monday to decide but I think she us or easy made her choice. And her choice I don't believe will b me and that kills me. Seriously two weeks ago I would hve never known this was goin on. And I mean any of it. I sit all day and cry thinking about what they are doing at work and on lunch break together and it drives me nuts. I am so heartbroken and shocked
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



You are the one being cheated on. You are one she is tearing apart. You are the one whose love is being cast aside. You are the being betrayed. You don't give her choices as long as you sit and take it she will continue to do it. People in these situations will treat you however you let them. You need to stop sleeping with her in her bed while her fvck buddy is calling her, it hurts you so get the hell out of the room to continue to be in that space is masochistic. You tell her you are leaving she does not get to make that choice for you. Then you tell her you will NOT be her friend after this as it has shown you her true character. Did you ever think she would do something like this? No you thought she was better, she has not changed she was always this way she just hide it from you. So you leave the bed room you go dark only talk to her about finances and PRACTICAL matters this is to show her there are consequences for her actions. No consequences means no change and she will continue to cut little pieces of your heart out. Start making plans to leave real plans not plans that you are just making to scare her but REAL plans because you know what you deserve someone who will put you first and love you not someone who will scatter you love like nothing to the wind. She does not care about your feeling so armor up and disconnect from her. We got your back and we will be with you through the entire thing.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Get counselling for yourself.

Jane is a user. Just don't let her continue to use you.


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

Go get a smoothie or some soup and some benadrhyl or otc sleeping pills. You need some fuel and rest. If you have enough money go rent a motel for a week or two until you figure out what to do. Without food or sleep you will go nuts!

Take care of yourself for a day or two before diving back into this toxic mess. She is hurting you to your face and just saying sorry. She sucks! Get away from her!


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## nuts (May 21, 2013)

CEL said:


> You are the one being cheated on. You are one she is tearing apart. You are the one whose love is being cast aside. You are the being betrayed. You don't give her choices as long as you sit and take it she will continue to do it. People in these situations will treat you however you let them. You need to stop sleeping with her in her bed while her fvck buddy is calling her, it hurts you so get the hell out of the room to continue to be in that space is masochistic. You tell her you are leaving she does not get to make that choice for you. Then you tell her you will NOT be her friend after this as it has shown you her true character. Did you ever think she would do something like this? No you thought she was better, she has not changed she was always this way she just hide it from you. So you leave the bed room you go dark only talk to her about finances and PRACTICAL matters this is to show her there are consequences for her actions. No consequences means no change and she will continue to cut little pieces of your heart out. Start making plans to leave real plans not plans that you are just making to scare her but REAL plans because you know what you deserve someone who will put you first and love you not someone who will scatter you love like nothing to the wind. She does not care about your feeling so armor up and disconnect from her. We got your back and we will be with you through the entire thing.


I understand all u are saying. I really do. It's just so hard to walk out when I thought this was my forever home wit her. I really didn't see this coming and that's what sucks so bad. I'm angry and hurt and betrayed and sad. I am starting to see that she does not want me. That is sinking it but it does not make any of this any easier. She didn't even come home after work tonight. I text her sayin have a good night and drive safe. She wrote back ok. I'm sore she is goin to hang wit her and that kills me. A week ago today we were cuddling on the couch watching survivor in our new home that we worked so hard on. And now this ? Yet she has been seein her for two months. So even though I thought things were doin good she was with someone else. I dunno I feel like I am goin nuts. Yet I can't walk away. Why is that ? I trusted her soooo much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nuts (May 21, 2013)

CEL said:


> You are the one being cheated on. You are one she is tearing apart. You are the one whose love is being cast aside. You are the being betrayed. You don't give her choices as long as you sit and take it she will continue to do it. People in these situations will treat you however you let them. You need to stop sleeping with her in her bed while her fvck buddy is calling her, it hurts you so get the hell out of the room to continue to be in that space is masochistic. You tell her you are leaving she does not get to make that choice for you. Then you tell her you will NOT be her friend after this as it has shown you her true character. Did you ever think she would do something like this? No you thought she was better, she has not changed she was always this way she just hide it from you. So you leave the bed room you go dark only talk to her about finances and PRACTICAL matters this is to show her there are consequences for her actions. No consequences means no change and she will continue to cut little pieces of your heart out. Start making plans to leave real plans not plans that you are just making to scare her but REAL plans because you know what you deserve someone who will put you first and love you not someone who will scatter you love like nothing to the wind. She does not care about your feeling so armor up and disconnect from her. We got your back and we will be with you through the entire thing.


We are now at she is not even coming home after work. I am sure she is wit her and that kills me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nuts (May 21, 2013)

Omg I am sittin here goin nuts knowin that she is with her right now. She doesn't even try and hide it. I worked so hard on this home for us for our future. She just had me finish getting all my stuff out of the apt last week. I just don't get it  my heart is racing and I am shaking. I have called her three times and text four so far and nothin  wtf is wrong wit me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

NOTHING is WRONG with you. She is wrong. If you said 2+2=4 and she said no it does not it equals 5, would you think something is wrong with you? Hell no. Same thing here she is being unfaithful, she is the betrayer, she is the cheater, she is the one hurting you. Stop calling her. Stop texting her. Move your stuff to another bedroom for you to sleep in. Stop this stuff because it does no good and only hurts you. Stop hurting yourself by doing these things. She has left you now it the time to take care of yourself pull the affection and love you have for her and start focusing it on yourself. 

Start making plans to go out with friends get the hell out of that house. Go see a movie. Go see strippers. Go get drunk and crazy. What are your plans for moving out?


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

She won't stop doing anything until you leave.

Why should she?
No matter what she does or who she does it with, you are right there telling her to have fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You are sure some kind of stuburn. She's broke up with you chica. And you're in denial.


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## The Theorist (May 23, 2013)

Cut the cord Nuts. Cut it swiftly and cleanly......then go have a burger and fries.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Nuts
Some one above suggested you get counseling. I know that may sound like a pat answer but you really need counseling. It is obvious to everyone that your woman is not in love with you and is taking a dump right on your face.

Stop begging her to come to back to you. Nuts, I feel for you but you have got to grow some nuts! *Do what ever you have to do to stop your going crazy. You have been given a lot of advise already on this thread, use them!!*

If you do not start thinking only about you right now you will become a door mat. This woman is not your whole life. I know you are hurt but this too shall pass. If you take action to build yourself up you will be alright just like a million other guys that have been craped on. GET GOING NOW and watch your nuts grow


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## nuts (May 21, 2013)

CEL said:


> NOTHING is WRONG with you. She is wrong. If you said 2+2=4 and she said no it does not it equals 5, would you think something is wrong with you? Hell no. Same thing here she is being unfaithful, she is the betrayer, she is the cheater, she is the one hurting you. Stop calling her. Stop texting her. Move your stuff to another bedroom for you to sleep in. Stop this stuff because it does no good and only hurts you. Stop hurting yourself by doing these things. She has left you now it the time to take care of yourself pull the affection and love you have for her and start focusing it on yourself.
> 
> Start making plans to go out with friends get the hell out of that house. Go see a movie. Go see strippers. Go get drunk and crazy. What are your plans for moving out?


God I am embarrassed to even say it on here cuz I feel like I am coming across as crazy and dumb  I wish I didn't feel how I felt. Trust me. It's all in my head over and over its all I think about. Heck yes I wish I could stop. She was with her agin tonight for five hours after work. It's now just being blatently put in my face with no care at all. She is lost and being self destructive with daily drinking now and getting drunk. But even with that I love her still I am out on the couch now and we even last night slept in the same bed and cuddled. It's just a mess. But once again she chose to spend time with her. I guess I feel like I'm in shock because just last week things seemed decent. We cuddled and had sex. Although she has been seeing op for two months. Her actions to me gave no clue as I am a very smart girl. Tonight when she finally got home. I walked in the bedroom and could tell she was drunk and I asked her why the f she would have me move out of my apartment last week and into this house if the next day u admit to seein someone else for two months? What was the point of that.? She started drunk rambling and tryin to start a tight so I just laid on the couch. Then she far out here smoked but we did not speak. Then she just got up went to bed. It's the first time ever she has not given me a kiss and said I love u. It's odd. I'm sorry tht I am unable to control my thoughts
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Wait waiting to figure things out?
Actions, man. your mind nad heart will catch later.
Move out again and go dark on her. For good.

I'm starting to think this crazy drama somehow, at a certain level "works" for you, hence the nine years on/off.


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hello Nuts,

“Jane” has humiliated and disrespected and thrown you into the gutter. She *USED *you for money and is playing away with hew new girlfriend in front you for the last 2 months and she made you give up your apartment for her.

*This is the woman of nine years you have a special connection with? REALLY?* :scratchhead:

*It’s TIME to MAN-UP; you need to grow a pair of BALLS, not NUTS!* 

*1.* Is the new house in her name or joint since you both moved in together?
*2.* Whose paying the bills?

Regards, FTP


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

FlyingThePhoenix said:


> Hello Nuts,
> 
> “Jane” has humiliated and disrespected and thrown you into the gutter. She *USED *you for money and is playing away with hew new girlfriend in front you for the last 2 months and she made you give up your apartment for her.
> 
> ...



:iagree:

:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Move out while she is at work. And take ALL the fixtures and fittings that you bought and paid for. Even if they end up in a skip. You won't ever see those thousands again that you put into the home if she is treating you like this. She has no care inside her at all. So time you took off with all your stuff and all you paid for. 

Even if it was the kitchen, take it!


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

I'm confused..I don't think OP is a man. It's a lady..am I wrong? Not that it matters..it's just instead of manning up..maybe she should woman up


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi Bob,



BobSimmons said:


> I'm confused..I don't think OP is a man. It's a lady..am I wrong? Not that it matters..it's just instead of manning up..maybe she should woman up


She already has Womaned-up, to another Woman! Nuts need’s to get his act together and Man-Up and do exactly what *Remains post#41* has stated.

When she gets home, she will realise the Nuts has replaced his *NUTS *with some *BALLS *and he will no longer be the money pit she was counting on. Oh, I love happy endings, don't you!


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

nuts said:


> God I am embarrassed to even say it on here cuz I feel like I am coming across as crazy and dumb  I wish I didn't feel how I felt. Trust me. It's all in my head over and over its all I think about. Heck yes I wish I could stop. She was with her agin tonight for five hours after work. It's now just being blatently put in my face with no care at all. She is lost and being self destructive with daily drinking now and getting drunk. But even with that I love her still I am out on the couch now and we even last night slept in the same bed and cuddled. It's just a mess. But once again she chose to spend time with her. I guess I feel like I'm in shock because just last week things seemed decent. We cuddled and had sex. Although she has been seeing op for two months. Her actions to me gave no clue as I am a very smart girl. Tonight when she finally got home. I walked in the bedroom and could tell she was drunk and I asked her why the f she would have me move out of my apartment last week and into this house if the next day u admit to seein someone else for two months? What was the point of that.? She started drunk rambling and tryin to start a tight so I just laid on the couch. Then she far out here smoked but we did not speak. Then she just got up went to bed. It's the first time ever she has not given me a kiss and said I love u. It's odd. I'm sorry tht I am unable to control my thoughts
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your doing fine you don't turn off 9 years of loving someone overnight. You need to stop cuddling or having sex all this will do is prolong you pain and reassure her that she can have you and the other women. Basically the more affectiionate you are with her the more she is going to do what she is doing. Stop confronting her she has no answers for you. Stop asking her why she has no answers for that either. You need to look to yourself. How are you doing with moving out?


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