# Do you ever fantasize about being single?



## baedono

Like if you get into a huge argument with your spouse, you're feeling depressed, or just having fun thinking of the idea, have you ever fantasized about being single and being by yourself and just being alone? Or how your life would be if you married someone else, etc.

Just interested to see what people think! My husband and I married very young and sometimes I fantasize about what my life would be like if I was single or if I waited to get married.


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## Tess112

Not really. 

I'm happy with the lifestyle that's afforded to me by my SO. I enjoy being a SAHM, tending to the house, taking care of my daughter, and pursuing hobbies like gardening or doing volunteer work at my daughters school. 

And I make sure to show my appreciation to him everyday; compliments, breakfast ready by the time he gets up for work & homecooked meal on the table when he gets home, plenty of sex, etc.


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## over20

No


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## kilgore

no


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## baedono

LOL, it's funny to see the responses here. I saw some other forums and lots of women were saying how they sometimes wish they were single or just for some alone time. So I thought I might ask you guys at this forum.

Well, that's really great you guys all have great relationships with your spouses! It's always good to hear that. ^^


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## SimplyAmorous

Most people will not relate to me, I dreamed of finding "young love"...something real, lasting and true...and I did.. I never had the 7 yr itch or the 14 yr itch or anything like this.. we were busy planning, building, achieving our dreams...with our growing family by our side....

In Mid Life....after all the kids, I wanted more FUN...excitement, more crazy sex.. like I felt we missed each other in some ways being too wrapped up in our kids /living for them....suddenly my fantasies took on a new realm...

I was thinking if I was single..







would I be in a world of [email protected]#.... "Cougar" would have fit me quite well.... but I was married.. and very happily so to a wonderful man who has always tried to give me the world... I did all I could to take HIM with me on that adventure....and it's been some of the greatest years of our marriage.. 

I still get excited over seeing Young Love.. our 2nd son just turned 17 days ago & he's been with his GF now for over 2 & a half yrs... some would think that is crazy.. but it's hard for me to go there... though I know how rare 1st loves end up together...and some do feel like they missed out later down the road...I've talked to our son about this side of the equation too.

I have no regrets being taken at age 15 and being with just one man for the last 32 yrs of my life.... 

It seems the great majority of singles -and especially those older, they never want to marry again, they see no point it in.. once jaded, Betrayed.. any romantic notions has been replaced by a harder shell.. not opening that door again . 

If I was single (let's say if H passed away on me).. I feel like it would be a sea of sharks out there...and I would grow very very discouraged and disappointed...


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## baedono

SimplyAmorous said:


> Most people will not relate to me, I dreamed of finding "young love"...something real, lasting and true...and I did.. I never had the 7 yr itch or the 14 yr itch or anything like this.. we were busy planning, building, achieving our dreams...with our growing family by our side....
> 
> In Mid Life....after all the kids, I wanted more FUN...excitement, more crazy sex.. like I felt we missed each other in some ways being too wrapped up in our kids /living for them....suddenly my fantasies took on a new realm...
> 
> I was thinking if I was single..
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> would I be in a world of [email protected]#.... "Cougar" would have fit me quite well.... but I was married.. and very happily so to a wonderful man who has always tried to give me the world... I did all I could to take HIM with me on that adventure....and it's been some of the greatest years of our marriage..
> 
> I still get excited over seeing Young Love.. our 2nd son just turned 17 days ago & he's been with his GF now for over 2 & a half yrs... some would think that is crazy.. but it's hard for me to go there... though I know how rare 1st loves end up together...and some do feel like they missed out later down the road...I've talked to our son about this side of the equation too.
> 
> I have no regrets being taken at age 15 and being with just one man for the last 32 yrs of my life....
> 
> It seems the great majority of singles -and especially those older, they never want to marry again, they see no point it in.. once jaded, Betrayed.. any romantic notions has been replaced by a harder shell.. not opening that door again .
> 
> If I was single (let's say if H passed away on me).. I feel like it would be a sea of sharks out there...and I would grow very very discouraged and disappointed...


My husband and I married young (I'm 20 and he is 25). We don't have children and we are still finishing up getting our degrees. The best part about being married young is that we get to grow together and we always have someone that will watch, support, and experience things with us. I think the only downfall with marrying young is, like you said, sometimes I wonder if I missed out on anything. My best friend is single and dorming at her university and sometimes I wonder things like "Well, what if I was single and experienced the college life as a single adult? I wonder how that would be." But then when I think about the things that she is always complaining about, i.e. being lonely, meeting a bunch of perverts/*******s, everyone is drunk, etc, the typical college life, it makes me feel very thankful that I didn't have to go through that trial and error process.

I know a lot of people spend years dating and just meeting tons of bad matches and there is the stress of "When will I get married?" and so on and I feel thankful that I found my partner so early in life.

But that doesn't mean that I am always 100% happy, we have our struggles and like I said, sometimes I just imagine what my life would be if I was on my own. Not that I'd ever leave my husband, but it's just a silly thought to take a step out of my present life and just daydream. Like imaging yourself marrying a celebrity and being a celebrity wife or silly things like that, hehe.


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## kitty2013

Yes.


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## baedono

kitty2013 said:


> Yes.


Care to share your fantasy?


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## ScarletBegonias

If the thought crosses my mind I've learned it's better to not entertain it. I think as an extremely independent person it's natural to have thoughts of "freedom" and solitude during a disagreement. But it's damaging to sit and actively fantasize about it.It creates that grass is greener scenario that can only cause trouble in your marriage.


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## WyshIknew

I've had dreams that I'm single but never fantasised about it.


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## SimplyAmorous

baedono said:


> *But that doesn't mean that I am always 100% happy, we have our struggles and like I said, sometimes I just imagine what my life would be if I was on my own*. Not that I'd ever leave my husband, but it's just a silly thought to take a step out of my present life and just daydream. Like imaging yourself marrying a celebrity and being a celebrity wife or silly things like that, hehe.


I'm pretty sure my mind would go there too.... If we didn't get along and there were emotional needs I felt he was stomping on, or I was constantly grasping for...ya know...(like on the list below)... I assume the struggles you do have could be summed up with your feeling he is not meeting some of these needs...and it hurts, it's disheartening...you & he can't find that common ground, that peace...maybe you had at one time....would you say this is true? 

Me and my H do fight now & then....but it's not often.. we make up quickly...no stuffing / no resentment... I worry more about something happening to him over ever wishing I had freedom to explore... I would just feel so lost...like that old sappy classic by Bread.... Everything I Own .... If this even comes on the radio...I have to turn it -or the tears would start to flow... just thinking about it... that's pretty bad , huh!

Taken from His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage  ...the 10 emotional needs discussed in each chapter...



> 1. *Admiration*
> 2. *Affection*
> 3. *Conversation*
> 4. *Domestic support*
> 5. *Family commitment*
> 6.* Financial support*
> 7. *Honesty and openness*
> 8. *Physical attractiveness*
> 9. *Recreational companionship*
> 10. *Sexual fulfillment*


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## lifeistooshort

I like alone time but I don't wish I was single. I was 31 and divorced when we met; I didn't get around all that much but I did get around enough to know how much crap is out there, so I appreciate what I have now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## melw74

NO, I have never thought that, In fact we do not argue, we haven't for a long time, we never have nothing to argue about.

I enjoy the life that i have, like PP said i love my roll as a SAHM i love being a mother, and i love what we have.....

I am glad i am not single Tbh, I enjoy Keeping my husband happy... I could not think of nothing worse


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## GettingIt_2

Yes, though "fantasize" might be the wrong word. I wonder often what it would be like; how it would be better, how it would be worse. I think it's natural to contemplate where we'd be and what life would be like under different circumstances. Sometimes my husband and I talk about it together. Sometimes we talk about what life would be like if we'd decided not not have kids. It's less a "I wish I were single" sort of fantasy for me than it is a "gee, what would THAT be like?" musing.


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## RedRose14

Nope I've never fantasised about being single, and in my dreams I am almost always with Hubby, very occasionally I am with Sean Bean off on some adventure


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## I Notice The Details

Mrs. John Adams said:


> No...but I have nightmares about it



Same with me.


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## Married but Happy

When I was still with my ex, I certainly did. I also fantasized about being in a GOOD marriage, and what that would be like! Now that I'm remarried, I know what a truly good marriage is like (it's as good as or better than my long-ago fantasies!), and I have no desire to be single so don't fantasize about that anymore.


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## Miss Taken

My life up until meeting my spouse was a hectic one. I grew up way too quick, had to move a lot, (I went to over twenty public schools growing up), had to raise myself since I was thirteen when my mom died etc. I also partied a lot in my teens and did things most people would do in their twenties. By the time I met my spouse, I knew I wanted to settle down, raise a family and lead a much quieter, more peaceful life. Boring is good to me, I think it's underrated as I lived a life full of "adventure" and uncertainty and much prefer the quiet, steady life I have now. 

I was already a mother before I went to college. I still have a lot of good memories from college and the friends I made there. I also got to see a lot/live it vicariously through friends. I didn't feel I was missing out and still had a great time but was glad to get to go home to a family every night.

He was unfaithful so we separated from 2012 - 2013 and I was single for nearly a year. Although I would have preferred not to be in the position where I needed to separate, part of me is glad that it happened. I hadn't been single as an adult. It's nice to know that I can be alone and thrive on my own. There definitely are some perks to being single but I think there are more in a marriage/committed relationship and raising a family.


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## MSP

I've had those fantasies, especially when we were separated. Of course, when I was single I fantasized about being married. At the root of those fantasies is always a dissatisfaction with myself and a feeling of helplessness, both of which I can actually work on and turn around without needing someone else to do anything different.


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## ladybird

Yes I think about it a lot, but im not in a happy marriage


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## Eagle3

I agree with some that fantasize might not be the right word but wonder about it. I think it’s kind of natural to think of things that are different as long as it’s done in a healthy state of mind. Thinking about what would my life be like if it was single is different than "my marriage sucks how my life would be so different if I was single". 

I personally don’t think about, but I also didn’t get married till I was in my 30's so I was living the single life for a good bit. Now some of my friends that got married in their early 20's will talk about it and such so I think it depends. They are glad they are married but just think about it from time to time.


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## Jellybeans

When I was married?

All the time!

:rofl:

I'm only partially kidding.


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## hawx20

Mrs. John Adams said:


> No...but I have nightmares about it


Before dday i used to have nightmares about it too. I always summed it up as my mind reminding me to be a great husband because being single sucks.

I do usually fantasize about it just when i wish i had more alone time. then you remember that being alone sucks.


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## Wolf1974

Mrs. John Adams said:


> No...but I have nightmares about it


As someone who now is you should lol. It sucks stay where you are


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## kitty2013

baedono said:


> Care to share your fantasy?


If I were single, I would not date anyone. I would learn how to be happy by myself first.


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## DoF

Do I fantasize about it? No, never

Have I ever thought about it or does the thought crosses my mind rarely? Yes


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## jb02157

I fantasize about being single again everyday and that I had a normal sexual relationship with a normal woman.


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## Rowan

I never fantasized about being single. I would sometimes wonder what my life might have been like if I hadn't married my husband, but more as an exercise in curiosity than in longing. 

Now that I am single, it's actually much better than I was afraid it would be. I do have much more free time, I'm less stressed, I am happy with myself and in general. Of course, I also miss a lot of the things that come along with being in a relationship. I hope to someday have another partner, maybe even another husband, but for now I'm perfectly content with my life as a single woman.


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## tacoma

Yes, just yesterday.

I'm a chef and had a job interview at a restaurant yesterday.

Part of the job package was a beautiful three bedroom apartment rent free on the second floor of the restaurant directly across the street from the beach.

As I was looking out those picture windows at the oiled bodies on that pristine beach I got lost in the moment for a minute.
Dear god the possibilities!

Then I woke up, turned down the job and went home, it's better this way because I know the reality would be more of a nightmare as MJA has stated.

It would just be a nightmare in a really nice location.


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## WolverineFan

Yes, I would dare to say most married people have fantasized at one point or another about what it would be like to be single. There is a big difference, however, on acting on that thought or becoming fixated with it. It doesn't matter how young you were when you got married, it only matters how you both choose to respond to one another now. May your marriage be blessed and your heart be at rest!


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## kag123

*Re: Re: Do you ever fantasize about being single?*



ScarletBegonias said:


> If the thought crosses my mind I've learned it's better to not entertain it. I think as an extremely independent person it's natural to have thoughts of "freedom" and solitude during a disagreement. But it's damaging to sit and actively fantasize about it.It creates that grass is greener scenario that can only cause trouble in your marriage.


This is 100% what I was going to say. 

We have also been together since we were young. And I am very independent, only child. Relationships never scared me...I was a serial monogamist before I got married but being in a BF/GF relationship is so much different than marraige. I remember there was a point about two years into our marraige where I just had a major freak out/panic attack about being married and the finality of it. I think it's hard when you are young because you have the best intentions in the world but you can't possibly fully understand the weight and impact of the vows that you take. I know in my early 20's, "forever" was very abstract to me. Yea, of course I will love and cherish you forever! When I had a couple of years to let that concept sink in, and realize what that really meant, I got a bit freaked out. 

As I get a bit older, these types of thoughts have lessened quite a bit. Mostly because I have learned to be more introspective when I have those types of thoughts and realize that they are just a form of escapism that does not help me in my marraige. 

I do seek space when we fight, but force myself to use my mental energy to come up with ways to fix the situation rather than daydream about a different life. 

The biggest thing is that my sense of commitment and loyalty (to him and to the vows I took) is stronger than my propensity to daydream. I have no real reason to leave...any other future relationship would have the same types of issues...so I stop myself in my tracks and don't let it go any further.


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## Alisha1

Nope I never have and never will. I love my husband with all my heart and would never want to be away from him.


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## Cochise

Only all the time, and I wish that I didn't.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie

*Re: Re: Do you ever fantasize about being single?*



kag123 said:


> This is 100% what I was going to say.
> 
> We have also been together since we were young. And I am very independent, only child. Relationships never scared me...I was a serial monogamist before I got married but being in a BF/GF relationship is so much different than marraige. I remember there was a point about two years into our marraige where I just had a major freak out/panic attack about being married and the finality of it. I think it's hard when you are young because you have the best intentions in the world but you can't possibly fully understand the weight and impact of the vows that you take. I know in my early 20's, "forever" was very abstract to me. Yea, of course I will love and cherish you forever! When I had a couple of years to let that concept sink in, and realize what that really meant, I got a bit freaked out.
> 
> As I get a bit older, these types of thoughts have lessened quite a bit. Mostly because I have learned to be more introspective when I have those types of thoughts and realize that they are just a form of escapism that does not help me in my marraige.
> 
> I do seek space when we fight, but force myself to use my mental energy to come up with ways to fix the situation rather than daydream about a different life.
> 
> The biggest thing is that my sense of commitment and loyalty (to him and to the vows I took) is stronger than my propensity to daydream. I have no real reason to leave...any other future relationship would have the same types of issues...so I stop myself in my tracks and don't let it go any further.


OMG im going through that panic phase right now! I met hubby when I was 18 and was a serial monogomist as a teen. Now im mourning the fact that i have never been alone, to find myself and grow. I mourn over the single life I never had. Im now 25, been married for 2 years, and am in tremendous fear of whether or not my love for him is enough to stay. Add on top of that the fact that i am no longer muslim, and am seriously questioning my sexuality. Crazy i know. But your post made me feel hopeful that maybe these yearnings will fade. I mean, i do love him. But sometimes I want to have an Eat Pray Love kond of life, on my own.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie

To the OP, yes, I definetely fantasize about being single! Almost daily. Because of my intense attraction to women, the ability to finally do anything I want that I couldnt when I was religious, the spiritual and identity crisis im going through. I feel like I want to travel the world, meditate and be who I really am. I am an artist, a singer, a composer, a free thinker. I like to fly. I dont like being pegged down, no matter the reason. I gave up a lot of my passions when I was muslim. Now they are re-awakening and its been making me reevaluate my marriage and myself.


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## SurpriseMyself

baedono said:


> Like if you get into a huge argument with your spouse, you're feeling depressed, or just having fun thinking of the idea, have you ever fantasized about being single and being by yourself and just being alone? Or how your life would be if you married someone else, etc.
> 
> Just interested to see what people think! My husband and I married very young and sometimes I fantasize about what my life would be like if I was single or if I waited to get married.


God yes!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating

ScarletBegonias said:


> If the thought crosses my mind I've learned it's better to not entertain it. I think as an extremely independent person it's natural to have thoughts of "freedom" and solitude during a disagreement. But it's damaging to sit and actively fantasize about it.It creates that grass is greener scenario that can only cause trouble in your marriage.


Well said.


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## heartsbeating

My husband and I have playfully mused of different life scenarios in the past - but I think there was a level of insecurity attached to that. He used to tease that I'd be with an artist/musician living in a New York loft.

When we were going through our real funk moment, I helped my friend out (gay guy) with running his country accommodation. He offered words of wisdom that stuck with me and were supportive of our marriage. In an alternate universe, he would have taken me on to help manage his business. At the time, I let that thought simmer. I could be living in a quiet country town, with my gay friend (and his cat), working in hospitality. Basically the furthest scenario possible from living with an artist in New York. The town is a beautiful location with lots of trees and the air feels good; it feels real and grounded. My husband and I worked through our sh*t and the best thing was returning to that town... _with_ him. And turns out, hubs loves the place as much as I do.

I don't fantasize about being single. I do fantasize about living in the country with him.


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## WallaceBea

I don't fantasize about it, but I do appreciate my time when I was single. I appreciate what it meant to be single. I appreciate my first apartment, the one I lived in all on my own. I appreciate that feeling of waking up on your own every day, not needing anyone, being 100% self sufficient. I miss my old apartment sometimes, and am proud of myself for living on my own and having that experience. I don't fantasize about it though, and wouldn't trade my husband for anything.


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## chillymorn

Hell yes!


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## Nikita2270

The last 10 years of my marriage, fantasizing about being single became an obsession.

Every time I walked in the house after work and the house was trashed....every time my ex walked in the door and I tensed up...every time my ex would try to break into my locked bedroom door...I would dream about what it would be like to have my own house and my own life.

One of the best days of my adult life was the first day that I woke up in my new house after I got separated.

Everyday when I walk into my house after work, I look around my clean, pretty house and I'm so grateful that I've been given the opportunity to have a second chance at happiness. My marriage was like a horrible prison sentence.


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## MedRepMom

I am shocked at how many people don't want to be alone. I fantasize about it all the time. I want to join the Peace Corps and wear Birkenstocks while appreciating my life. I have a Masters Degree, worked full time until recently, raised and still raising four kids and feel I have never really lived. I wanted to join the Peace Corps out of college but student loans had me trapped. The little child is in middle school and I am thinking I have about eight more years and then I blow out. If my husband wants to wait for me to come back then that's great. If not, then that is sad but I have given up my life for him. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my kids but I have a short window before I am a grandparent and I am going to live in that window. Dance naked in that window alone. 

There are so many things there are to do in life. So many things to see. So, my answer is YES. I think about being single daily. I don't want to have an affair, I just want to live.


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## heartsbeating

MedRepMom said:


> There are so many things there are to do in life. So many things to see. So, my answer is YES. I think about being single daily. I don't want to have an affair, I just want to live.


I'm curious as to why are you not inclined to do and see things with your husband? Is your window big enough for you to both dance naked together?

I am coming from the perspective that I don't expect my husband to fulfill my every need just as I don't fulfill his. In our world, we may enjoy different things with friends and family, as well as each other and being alone. The big adventure type of stuff though? I love that we share in those moments together as well as the daily grind. Thing is, there's actually so much joy and 'life' to be found in the daily routine. Big adventures, oh the things we can do and see, can be exciting and we can be captured by it; we become ignited.... but don't be deceived, they can also be found in every day living. It's just in choosing to have gratitude for the moment and being open. But hey, that's just my observations of things.


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## I Notice The Details

heartsbeating said:


> I'm curious as to why are you not inclined to do and see things with your husband? Is your window big enough for you to both dance naked together?
> 
> I am coming from the perspective that I don't expect my husband to fulfill my every need just as I don't fulfill his. In our world, we may enjoy different things with friends and family, as well as each other and being alone. The big adventure type of stuff though? I love that we share in those moments together as well as the daily grind. Thing is, there's actually so much joy and 'life' to be found in the daily routine. Big adventures, oh the things we can do and see, can be exciting and we can be captured by it; we become ignited.... but don't be deceived, they can also be found in every day living. It's just in choosing to have gratitude for the moment and being open. But hey, that's just my observations of things.


:iagree: I like your observations HB! :smthumbup:


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## Pamvhv

I don't think I thought about it at all the seven years hubby and I were together. I guess he did because he left for another woman. He didn't take any time to be single though.


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## I Notice The Details

No, I don't fantasize about being single. Being married is so much better. That is my experience.


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## Omego

Never. The thought fills me with anxiety. I cannot imagine it and I don't want to.


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## MedRepMom

heartsbeating said:


> I'm curious as to why are you not inclined to do and see things with your husband? Is your window big enough for you to both dance naked together?
> 
> I am coming from the perspective that I don't expect my husband to fulfill my every need just as I don't fulfill his. In our world, we may enjoy different things with friends and family, as well as each other and being alone. The big adventure type of stuff though? I love that we share in those moments together as well as the daily grind. Thing is, there's actually so much joy and 'life' to be found in the daily routine. Big adventures, oh the things we can do and see, can be exciting and we can be captured by it; we become ignited.... but don't be deceived, they can also be found in every day living. It's just in choosing to have gratitude for the moment and being open. But hey, that's just my observations of things.


Wow. Even people who posted below you do not want to be single. Maybe, I am just with the wrong person but my husband is a lot of work. I love it when he has to go away for a golf tournament with one of the kids. I fantasize about having the bed to myself, no snoring, no loud TV, no extra clothes to wash-until they get home, of course-no extra messes to clean up, no company business of his that I need to do, no working around his exercise/triathlon schedule...Just pure PEACE- even with the other kids here, it is a joy to have him away. I need to change my view on things, I guess. I see my husband as an extra job that I need to take care of. Good for you all that you don't. I'm stumped:scratchhead: and jealous.


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## heartsbeating

MedRepMom said:


> Wow. Even people who posted below you do not want to be single. Maybe, I am just with the wrong person but my husband is a lot of work. I love it when he has to go away for a golf tournament with one of the kids. I fantasize about having the bed to myself, no snoring, no loud TV, no extra clothes to wash-until they get home, of course-no extra messes to clean up, no company business of his that I need to do, no working around his exercise/triathlon schedule...Just pure PEACE- even with the other kids here, it is a joy to have him away. I need to change my view on things, I guess. I see my husband as an extra job that I need to take care of. Good for you all that you don't. I'm stumped:scratchhead: and jealous.


When my husband and I were going through our funk and I questioned everything and with perhaps a negatively framed view, I couldn't see that I was being selfish, the years that had lead to that point that I needed to own and the sh*t I needed to get beyond. Then we gave ourselves the courtesy of time and patience. I'm so grateful we are together. And I feel I've been learning a hell of a lot.

The reason I don't fantasize about being single is because I dig being around him. In saying that, I have my own interests, go out with friends and have time to myself. Following your post, I wrote about appreciating daily life happenings - I ought to have added that having something out of the norm to look forward to does lift our spirits though. However beyond that, it seems your marriage needs some TLC if it's to continue... and continue in a way that you're both content with. There's no quick fix to be offered. All I can suggest is to hold the mirror up close and start there.


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## olivia7125

I do! and its not even a sexual fantasy. I just want to be able connect with someone again.


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## techmom

MedRepMom said:


> Wow. Even people who posted below you do not want to be single. Maybe, I am just with the wrong person but my husband is a lot of work. I love it when he has to go away for a golf tournament with one of the kids. I fantasize about having the bed to myself, no snoring, no loud TV, no extra clothes to wash-until they get home, of course-no extra messes to clean up, no company business of his that I need to do, no working around his exercise/triathlon schedule...Just pure PEACE- even with the other kids here, it is a joy to have him away. I need to change my view on things, I guess. I see my husband as an extra job that I need to take care of. Good for you all that you don't. I'm stumped:scratchhead: and jealous.


My hubby is extra work too, keep in mind that I never had a single life to fully explore my sexuality, interests and goals in life. I was 20 and got married as a virgin. Hubby's view of what my sexuality should be and how it should be expressed took over. Now, I just want room for myself.


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## MedRepMom

:smthumbup:


techmom said:


> My hubby is extra work too, keep in mind that I never had a single life to fully explore my sexuality, interests and goals in life. I was 20 and got married as a virgin. Hubby's view of what my sexuality should be and how it should be expressed took over. Now, I just want room for myself.


Yeah! Someone finally agrees that their husband is work. I love him and enjoy my time with him and our four kids. However, what a wonderful day it will be when I can have my own clean space and thoughts of my own that I don't have to explain to anyone. He is happy as a clam and I am constantly wondering what the heck I was thinking.....


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## SimplyAmorous

MedRepMom said:


> *I am shocked at how many people don't want to be alone. I fantasize about it all the time.* I want to join the Peace Corps and wear Birkenstocks while appreciating my life. I have a Masters Degree, worked full time until recently, raised and still raising four kids and feel I have never really lived. I wanted to join the Peace Corps out of college but student loans had me trapped. The little child is in middle school and I am thinking I have about eight more years and then I blow out. If my husband wants to wait for me to come back then that's great. If not, then that is sad but I have given up my life for him. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my kids but I have a short window before I am a grandparent and I am going to live in that window. Dance naked in that window alone.
> 
> *There are so many things there are to do in life. So many things to see. So, my answer is YES. I think about being single daily. I don't want to have an affair, I just want to live.*


It's just the varying differences in people...we don't all want the same things... I am one of those who prefer ROMANCE over adventure.. one might say.. it doesn't matter where I go ..or what we do, it uplifts me & is "my adventure " and what I call the greatest "Living"...just to be with my Man...sharing our days...our experiences and making memories together... that's always been my attitude in life...

One of HIS common sayings...when I ask him..."Hey would you like to go here, go there, trying to get his opinion on something...he answers ..."it doesn't matter what we do, so long as we're together".. I love that... 

I was just reading this today in a book entitled "*Why we love - the nature & chemistry of Romantic love* " by Helen Fisher...in a chapter about our LOVE MAP......how complex we are as individuals, speaking of those differences...it read :



> "Some people seek a partner who will agree with what they say: Others like a spirited debate....Some love a prank; others want predictability, order, or flamboyance...some want to be amused; others wish to be intellectually excited. ...Many need a partner to support their causes, quell their fears, or share their goals....and some choose a partner for the lifestyle they wish to lead..."
> 
> Went on to say that a Danish Philosopher felt that love must be unselfish, filled with devotion for the beloved...but some are uncomfortable with a doting mate. Instead, they want a partner to challenge them to grow intellectually or spiritually."


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## MedRepMom

"Went on to say that a Danish Philosopher felt that love must be unselfish, filled with devotion for the beloved."

I will agree that I am being selfish. The four kids, job and taking care of him is been the most joyful adnd unselfish thing I have ever done. When completed, I will have unselfishly devoted about 28 years to my family. I feel I will have spent my time giving back to this world by raising good children who will do the same. This is my purpose in life right now. 

In the future, my purpose will be different. I want to save other children from poverty and hunger, give them simple medical attention they have not had and educate them. 

I feel my purpose will be served with my family and time to move on to bigger things. If hubby wants to follow- then great. I just don't want to take care of him anymore. Yes, he will get old and I will be around to help him if he gets sick but while well, no more laundry, cleaning up, sex(which I have never said NO to), house responsibilities, extended family bull crap- the list goes on and on.... Just me, mission work and a chance to spend time with others who have the same purpose. 

I just can't believe women don't fantasize about being alone.


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## Wolf1974

MedRepMom said:


> "Went on to say that a Danish Philosopher felt that love must be unselfish, filled with devotion for the beloved."
> 
> I will agree that I am being selfish. The four kids, job and taking care of him is been the most joyful adnd unselfish thing I have ever done. When completed, I will have unselfishly devoted about 28 years to my family. I feel I will have spent my time giving back to this world by raising good children who will do the same. This is my purpose in life right now.
> 
> In the future, my purpose will be different. I want to save other children from poverty and hunger, give them simple medical attention they have not had and educate them.
> 
> I feel my purpose will be served with my family and time to move on to bigger things. If hubby wants to follow- then great. I just don't want to take care of him anymore. Yes, he will get old and I will be around to help him if he gets sick but while well, no more laundry, cleaning up, sex(which I have never said NO to), house responsibilities, extended family bull crap- the list goes on and on.... Just me, mission work and a chance to spend time with others who have the same purpose.
> 
> *I just can't believe women don't fantasize about being alone*.



Maybe just share your feelings and future plans with your husband and hopefully he will grant your wish


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## Hello_Im_Maddie

Been fantasizing about that for the past year and a half and I've only been married for 2 and a half. Yikes.


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## melw74

If your fantasising about being with someone else or being single or somewhere else then why get married in their first place then you can do all those things, no need to fantasise then....

Maybe people need to really think if its what they really want before settling down... My husband and I was both certain before we settled down... and decided marriage is what we both wanted.

Marriage is hard, and it takes a lot of work, but its worth it if its what you really want, and if its not and single is what you want,,,,, then there still are choices.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie

*Re: Re: Do you ever fantasize about being single?*



melw74 said:


> If your fantasising about being with someone else or being single or somewhere else then why get married in their first place then you can do all those things, no need to fantasise then....
> 
> Maybe people need to really think if its what they really want before settling down... My husband and I was both certain before we settled down... and decided marriage is what we both wanted.
> 
> Marriage is hard, and it takes a lot of work, but its worth it if its what you really want, and if its not and single is what you want,,,,, then there still are choices.


In some cases, like mine, the person doesn't get to have an independent single life, but goes straight from the parents home to their spouses' home. I grew up in an Islamic household so no dating was allowed. Had to sneak around to see anyone. 

Then they think everything will be dandy once im 'married off'.... But no!


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## Hello_Im_Maddie

So in a way.. Marriage WAS my only way to some kind of Independence. Only now I still have a curfew, just a later one..


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## in my tree

melw74 said:


> If your fantasising about being with someone else or being single or somewhere else then why get married in their first place then you can do all those things, no need to fantasise then....
> 
> Maybe people need to really think if its what they really want before settling down... My husband and I was both certain before we settled down... and decided marriage is what we both wanted.
> 
> Marriage is hard, and it takes a lot of work, but its worth it if its what you really want, and if its not and single is what you want,,,,, then there still are choices.


Uhh.... personally I thought that I did want to be married. But 4-5 years into it I realized that I was in a crappy marriage and I started fantasizing EVERYDAY about being free of it and him. I tried working on the marriage but I had a very uncooperative partner. So then the fantasies took over. After 10 years of marriage, I started acting on it. I lived the single life (minus the other men/cheating thing) while married. A few years later, we divorced. 

So I guess my point is that people don't take marriage lightly. They do believe that they want to be married and think about it before they do it. Sometimes things just don't work out.


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## melw74

in my tree said:


> Uhh.... personally I thought that I did want to be married. But 4-5 years into it I realized that I was in a crappy marriage and I started fantasizing EVERYDAY about being free of it and him. I tried working on the marriage but I had a very uncooperative partner. So then the fantasies took over. After 10 years of marriage, I started acting on it. I lived the single life (minus the other men/cheating thing) while married. A few years later, we divorced.
> 
> So I guess my point is that people don't take marriage lightly. They do believe that they want to be married and think about it before they do it. Sometimes things just don't work out.


I agree with what your saying, but all i am saying if your not happy... then you do what you did you divorce. I personally would not stay in an unhappy marriage not even for the children, as i believe you can still be a good parent, but apart.... I know many that do it everyday.... so i agree.... If your fantasising about being single, then you should be single... and something is obviously definitely very wrong in the marriage/ relationship.


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## BostonBruins32

I fantasize about being single daily. Then again, i spend a lot of time in what-if-ville..


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## ariel_angel77

Yes, ALL THE TIME.

I spend many hours of the day wishing I could go back in time and not marry him and marry someone I actually love. I find myself wondering if there is such thing as real love. I didn't realize how unhealthy/uncommon that is until reading this thread.

I'm not even kidding. :/


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## richardsharpe

If you think about it all the time, why not do it?

I occasionally think of being single, but it is an idle thought. The same sort of thing as occasionally wishing I was a park ranger, or an investment banker. A fantasy where all the problems in my current life disappear and no new ones appear. 

In reality I'm very happy, and don't plan to either become single or become a cowboy.....




ariel_angel77 said:


> Yes, ALL THE TIME.
> 
> I spend many hours of the day wishing I could go back in time and not marry him and marry someone I actually love. I find myself wondering if there is such thing as real love. I didn't realize how unhealthy/uncommon that is until reading this thread.
> 
> I'm not even kidding. :/


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## Anonymous07

richardsharpe said:


> If you think about it all the time, why not do it?


I think about it occasionally, but I also think it's more complicated. We have a 1 year old son who adores him(would rather not put him through custody issues/split family) and financially it would be really tough to divorce(underemployed, just making ends meet), so for now I'm staying.


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## jorgegene

I WAS single for 22 years. 

It was fine. Marriage is better though so far.

I do miss some things when I was single, but overall, no I don't wish.

The worst thing about being single was the dating 'game'.

They call it the dating 'game', cause that's what is is; a game.

Games are fun, like scrabble, lawn croquet, pool.

But relationship games suck. Don't miss that.


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