# Male or female divorce lawyer?



## philreag (Apr 2, 2015)

Finally got around to contacting a lawyer. We have very few where I live and the one I contacted does not do divorces.

He recommend someone highly, a female lawyer.

Does anyone have experience with a female lawyer representing a male BS. I don't feel very pro woman right now and that may show during our consultation.

Thanks in advance.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

philreag said:


> Finally got around to contacting a lawyer. We have very few where I live and the one I contacted does not do divorces.
> 
> He recommend someone highly, a female lawyer.
> 
> ...


Lawyers are a breed of there own, no male or female :surprise:

I actually would have preferred a female lawyer as in my area they tend to get a greater latitude eyes of the court. I wouldn't be as concerned about gender as much as your comfort level in talking to them. 

In general terms try and stay away from the "bulldog" types, they tend to create needless fights and run up big bills. Steer clear of one's that promise the moon and stars. Depending on your financial position, length of marriage you may not like what the lawyer has to say in regards to division of assets and such but remember the lawyer didn't write the laws and divorce is rarely fair.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I don't think that would be a very good idea. She would only have skills of screwing men over for everything they have. I think she will, even not intentially, go light on your wife. I would go outside of your immediate area if no men's rights attorney are avaialble in your immediate area. This is an important choice for you and I think it's definitely worthwhile to get someone who is really going to represent you well instead of another woman.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

There are several law firms here staffed entirely by women attorneys and who apparently only service women clients.


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

My attorney was a woman and she was very good. 

I searched for an attorney who specialized in divorce. It wasn't more expensive than hiring someone who was a general attorney. Her practice was 80 % divorce related and the other 20 was cleaning up wills and estates for her divorce clients.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I used a female family court lawyer for my divorce. My goal going into the divorce was to not have a major court battle so I chose someone that my XWW was comfortable working with. My lawyer was visibly empathetic to my XWW during negotiations but still represented me fully to the best of her ability. It worked out in my favor and I got a very favorable settlement. 

My personal recommendation is hire the best lawyer you can and don't worry about the gender. Do your best to settle as much as you can amicably and avoid a major court battle. If you are looking to hire a shark to destroy your wife then you're in for a very expensive bill and the only one that will win are the lawyers.


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## philreag (Apr 2, 2015)

I sometimes wonder if a female lawyer would be better for a man. She may feel the need to overcompensate to prove she is fair for the man.

I don't know. Just hate the idea of having to do it at all.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

My ex and I both had female attorneys the first time around. Although it wasn't conscious, I think after being in an abusive relationship I just felt safer with a female. Emotionally as I assume my attorney wouldn't hurt me physically. 

Ex hired a female and I think it was to make him look favorable toward women - a ploy. 

He did not get the custody arrangement he would have preferred.

Second time (both custody as divorce was easy) around ex got a male. I tried to get my same attorney back but it was sort of an emergency requiring immediate response and she was in depositions and trials and referred me to another attorney who happened to be a female. 

I think ex felt the female strategy didn't work. This guy seemed to believe what my ex was telling him. It was semi-amusing, had it not been my daughter's well-being at stake, to see the realization dawning on the male attorney as he finally heard/saw the big picture from the evidence, guardian ad litem, etc. You could almost see him wilt when he realized his client was a lying POS.

I don't think it mattered. He was bound to lose regardless. For me, it was merely a matter of comfort. If I'd never been physically abused, I may have felt a man would be more aggressive.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Per @Bananapeel 's comments, one thing my first attorney told me when I didn't like the visitation (alternating Christmas and other holidays every other year; I wanted every Christmas day and for him to have every Christmas Eve) and it rang true and still does in any scenario: "If YOU don't think it's fair, and HE doesn't think it's fair, it's probably fair!" And that's true. Neither of us liked it but it was fair.


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## philreag (Apr 2, 2015)

Bananapeel said:


> I used a female family court lawyer for my divorce. My goal going into the divorce was to not have a major court battle so I chose someone that my XWW was comfortable working with. My lawyer was visibly empathetic to my XWW during negotiations but still represented me fully to the best of her ability. It worked out in my favor and I got a very favorable settlement.
> 
> My personal recommendation is hire the best lawyer you can and don't worry about the gender. Do your best to settle as much as you can amicably and avoid a major court battle. If you are looking to hire a shark to destroy your wife then you're in for a very expensive bill and the only one that will win are the lawyers.


This is my goal as well. When my WAW left, she wanted nothing, just be friends, and put on a "united" front for our son and our friends.

Now 3 months of separation later doing a hard 180 to rebuild my self esteem, she sees me as bitter and not amicable. I am just giving her what she wanted, me gone. She is no longer in control and can't understand why we can't be friends.

I don't trust her any longer and may have waited too long to get a lawyer. Should have listened to the TAM people.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Phil, do your best to be amicable until you get through the divorce. When a couple decides to divorce you have to get past the "we" sentiment and start thinking about "me". What choices can you make at this point to get the best settlement for yourself? If it means taking a soft stance with your STBXW until the D is finalized, then so be it. If it means hiring a female lawyer even if you would prefer a male, then so be it. Also, consider that there might be some truth to what she is saying. You might be bitter and not amicable, but you do have the right to feel that way. Just don't let those feelings show so much that they damage your own self interest. Personally, I was about as nice as I could be to my XWW prior to the D being final because it was beneficial to me. My strategy worked and I walked out with 50-50 custody of the kids, the vast majority of our communal assets and no alimony, and I make over $100K more than she does. I'm hoping the same thing can happen with you.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

I admit I didn't read all the other posts here. 

Let me share something with you. 

In court it is very much about who you know and how well liked you are. 

It is very, very political. 

That is about the only "edge" you can hope for in an attorney. Knowledge of law being equal. 

I had a woman attorney. She was brilliant. Plus she was very respected in the courtroom. 

If I were you I would not discount an attorney simply because she was a woman. 

Plus, no one knows better how a woman thinks than another woman. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## philreag (Apr 2, 2015)

Bananapeel said:


> Phil, do your best to be amicable until you get through the divorce. When a couple decides to divorce you have to get past the "we" sentiment and start thinking about "me". What choices can you make at this point to get the best settlement for yourself? If it means taking a soft stance with your STBXW until the D is finalized, then so be it. If it means hiring a female lawyer even if you would prefer a male, then so be it. Also, consider that there might be some truth to what she is saying. You might be bitter and not amicable, but you do have the right to feel that way. Just don't let those feelings show so much that they damage your own self interest. Personally, I was about as nice as I could be to my XWW prior to the D being final because it was beneficial to me. My strategy worked and I walked out with 50-50 custody of the kids, the vast majority of our communal assets and no alimony, and I make over $100K more than she does. I'm hoping the same thing can happen with you.



Thanks for the support. I hate the word "amicable". For me it means as long as she gets her way, it is amicable. Her brother went through an "amicable" divorce and got screwed at every turn.

As for the bitter term, she just called me this today in an e-mail. I feel it is a result of the hard 180 I've been doing. In the short reply sent I said "Don't confuse bitterness with self preservation".


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

philreag said:


> Thanks for the support. I hate the word "amicable". For me it means as long as she gets her way, it is amicable. Her brother went through an "amicable" divorce and got screwed at every turn.
> 
> As for the bitter term, she just called me this today in an e-mail. I feel it is a result of the hard 180 I've been doing. In the short reply sent I said "Don't confuse bitterness with self preservation".


Well at least you understand amicable in legal terms...bend over and take it.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

My experience is to find one that is qualified to do the job I need done.


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