# My husband is cheating. Now what?



## TheGirlNextDoor (Jun 7, 2015)

I have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 5 of those years. We have never really had many issues except for the usual mother in law issues, boundaries issues and cleaning the house issues. Boy I was not expecting this.

My husband (let's call him Michael) has been drinking too much and pressures me to drink with them even though I am 26 weeks pregnant. Of course I don't drink but he gets angry and tries to pressure me into drinking along with him. I dislike this drinking habit because it makes him impatient, lazy and short.
My husband has also had an EA with a coworker a few months ago which I forgave him for. He was talking to her almost all the time, had sexts between them and they were very emotionally invested. I am not sure if it became a PA but he said no. He quit that job and is now a security guard. I have had reasons to believe that he is cheating on me both EA and PA wise and have PROOF of it. I just don't know whether I should confront him.

Two weeks ago my husband got home earlier than me because I had to stay at work late (I am a waitress) I texted my husband and asked him what he wanted for dinner because I could pick it up on my way home, no answer. I called 5 times and no answer. So I figure he's napping or playing a game or something and I didn't think much of it. 
When I get home I notice that the door is locked so I check my bag and realize I forgot my keys at home inside the house. I ring the bell and he doesn't answer. I go in the backyard and that is locked too and no matter how many times I rung the bell, nobody answers. So I had to go stay at my mom's house and I called over 10 times and no answer.
The next morning I got back to the house at 9am and see a blonde girl leaving my house in a tube dress and getting into her red car. Before she left her and my husband were making out on my doorstep which I got on video from across the street. She left, I go inside 15 minutes later and my husband's in the shower. I asked what he was up to that he couldn't let me in and he said he crashed and didn't wake up.
Since then, I have been locked out a total of 6 times. I went through his phone a few times and see multiple texts from her (I'll call her Emily) and all of them are innapropiate and NSFW. 
I don't confront him, I don't say that I know anything. I ask if he still wants to be with me and he says "I'm not sure" I ask if he loves me and he says "I'm not sure" I ask him if he even still wants our baby and he says "I'm not sure" 
So I don't know what to do with all this. I don't want to go through with confronting him and goingg through a divorce process because I'm pregnant and do not want more stress. 
I am very resentful that he has locked me out when he wants to get down and dirty with OW Emily. She knows he's married and on her facebook she is married too with 2 kids. She also drinks. I have caught them at a bar drinking alone because I followed them one night. So I know for a fact that my husband is cheating on me but I don't want the stress of confronting him and getting a divorce because I'm pregnant. I also don't want to do that when the baby is born because I will be recovering and very exhausted and busy with a new baby. What do I do?
1 more thing. I am taking maternity leave at 35 weeks and will probably end up quitting because my husband makes enough and I can be a stay at home mom which we both agreed to.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TheGirlNextDoor said:


> I have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 5 of those years. We have never really had many issues except for the usual mother in law issues, boundaries issues and cleaning the house issues. Boy I was not expecting this.
> 
> My husband (let's call him Michael) has been drinking too much and pressures me to drink with them even though I am 26 weeks pregnant. Of course I don't drink but he gets angry and tries to pressure me into drinking along with him. I dislike this drinking habit because it makes him impatient, lazy and short.
> My husband has also had an EA with a coworker a few months ago which I forgave him for. He was talking to her almost all the time, had sexts between them and they were very emotionally invested. I am not sure if it became a PA but he said no. He quit that job and is now a security guard. I have had reasons to believe that he is cheating on me both EA and PA wise and have PROOF of it. I just don't know whether I should confront him.
> ...


Since you're hesitant to confront your husband regarding his affair, tell Emily's husband that he's been sharing his wife w/ another man.

That ought to get the ball rolling.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Since you say confronting him will be too stressful for you, you should really get a spare key to your house. How did you manage to get locked out 6 times?

Just leave him, it will be a lot less stressful than staying married to such a horrid person.


----------



## mjalex (Mar 5, 2015)

There's one important question that you need to answer before you proceed. Is this the man you want to raise a child with?

It seems you two want to lead two different life styles. It's not opposed to a cheap thrill, but you're more willing to take the time and dedicate yourself to a hobby, person, etc. This core difference is what seems to be leading to the cheating, pressuring of alcohol, and the like. 

Frankly, it isn't fair to you if you go on loving a man that wants to share that love with someone else. Do you have an alternative source of income so you don't need to rely on him? Do you want to stay with him?

I understand that you don't want the stress, but the situation will cause stress as is. Personally, I feel as if sweeping it under the rug will cause more issues later on. At the end of the day, the final decision is yours to make! I hope this helped.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Divorce him.


----------



## TheGirlNextDoor (Jun 7, 2015)

I never ended up finding my keys that I forgot in the house, not sure if I misplaced them or if my husband misplaced them


----------



## TheGirlNextDoor (Jun 7, 2015)

I don't want to lead two different lifestyles. I have lived only one lifestyle which consisted of being a wife, working, cleaning and cooking. He is leading two different lifestyles though, one where he appears to be a decent husband and one where he's got a younger (she's 21) woman who also drinks and likes to party. I'm 28 and pregnant, I work everyday and cook and maintain our house. I work 60 hours a week and I am on my feet almost all of the time.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

How do you know Tube Top is 21? You know her?

If you were here reading this tale from someone else, what would be your advice to them?


----------



## TheGirlNextDoor (Jun 7, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> How do you know Tube Top is 21? You know her?
> 
> If you were here reading this tale from someone else, what would be your advice to them?


I know she's 21 because she's a friend of a friend. She also worked at the same job as I but was quickly fired when she was eating the customers food and flirting with customers.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

TheGirlNextDoor said:


> I know she's 21 because she's a friend of a friend. She also worked at the same job as I but was quickly fired when she was eating the customers food and flirting with customers.


Ah, ok. I didn't realize you knew who she was when you saw her making out with your husband and exiting your home. You only described her as a blonde woman.


----------



## TheGirlNextDoor (Jun 7, 2015)

Maybe I can fix it? Maybe I'm just not good enough for him but I can change and become the woman of his dreams. It could just all be my fault.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

TheGirlNextDoor said:


> Maybe I can fix it? Maybe I'm just not good enough for him but I can change and become the woman of his dreams. It could just all be my fault.


I'm beginning to have my doubts here...


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

First of all, I would have got at least one copy (probably two copies) of the key made when I couldn't get in the first time and couldn't find the key after that. Being locked out 6 times is kind of hard to swallow.

As is the picture of a young pregnant waitress wife (being pressured to drink alcohol by a drunk angry husband) who wants to bring her drunken husband some dinner on her way home after a long day of standing on her feet waiting tables and who gets locked out only to find a young blonde girl adjusting her sexy dress after making out with the husband on the doorstep prior to leaving the next morning!

This, as you know, reads pretty badly! The being locked out 6 times was just too much, don't you think?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TheGirlNextDoor said:


> I never ended up finding my keys that I forgot in the house, not sure if I misplaced them or if my husband misplaced them


Is there a time when he's asleep and you can sneak his keys to run out and get a copy? If you do, do not tell him that you have the copy.

Do not confront him yet. You need to plan this.

You do have good evidence. Have you copied the video of them making out off your phone to a place where he cannot get it? If not do it.

If you find texts from her on his cell phone, use yours to take a picture of the texts.

How far apart are these times when he locks you out? A week? If there seems to be a schedule for, when do you think that the next one will be?


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I hope I'm wrong but this seems pretty trollish to me.


----------



## TheGirlNextDoor (Jun 7, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Is there a time when he's asleep and you can sneak his keys to run out and get a copy? If you do, do not tell him that you have the copy.
> 
> Do not confront him yet. You need to plan this.
> 
> ...


Yes, the video I have is copied somewhere private in which he has no access to it. When he is asleep I take pictures of all the texts between them and send them to my private email (he doesn't know it exists, I made that email specifically for my investigation and keeping things) I send all the texts to my private email and I print them all out and have it hidden under the seat of my car (don't ask it's the most private spot I thought of). The schedule between them is about every 4 days and he hasn't locked me out for a bit but I know it's going to happen again anytime soon.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TheGirlNextDoor said:


> Maybe I can fix it? Maybe I'm just not good enough for him but I can change and become the woman of his dreams. It could just all be my fault.


Wow, what is this self depreciation all about? 

He's not good enough for you. His cheating is related to his alcoholism. He needs someone to drink with. So he found another alcoholic.

Would you really want to be that?

No you cannot fix "it" because fixing "it" means him changing. Only he can fix himself. 

He will not change until he hits rock bottom. Right now he thinks that you are a push over and stupid. 

He locks you out of your house on many occasions so that he can use your bed for another woman. And what do you do? You go home and act like nothing is wrong.

Oh hell no! The next time he does this you call the police and a lock smith. Do not knock. Just tell the police that your think your husband had a heart attack or something because you know he is home. So get the locksmith to unlock the door and go in with the police officer to check on your husband. That should cure his abusive treatment of locking you out of your own home. Just make sure that you have some mail on you with your name and the address, or that your driver's license has your address on it. That's so that the lock smith and police know that it really is your home.

If your father around? Do you have any brothers? Then if you don't want to do the cop thing then have your male family members come to your house and you use that secret key you made to let them in. invite her husband along too. 

Seriously, why do you allow this to go on? 

Of course his choice to have an affair is not your fault. If he wanted to leave you he could have just left. What he is doing is that he is trying to drive you out of your home. 99% of would not have ever returned to that home after he screwed another woman in there. They sure as hell could not sleep in that bed anymore. 

Do you two own the home or is it a rental?


----------



## TheGirlNextDoor (Jun 7, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> First of all, I would have got at least one copy (probably two copies) of the key made when I couldn't get in the first time and couldn't find the key after that. Being locked out 6 times is kind of hard to swallow.
> 
> As is the picture of a young pregnant waitress wife (being pressured to drink alcohol by a drunk angry husband) who wants to bring her drunken husband some dinner on her way home after a long day of standing on her feet waiting tables and who gets locked out only to find a young blonde girl adjusting her sexy dress after making out with the husband on the doorstep prior to leaving the next morning!
> 
> This, as you know, reads pretty badly! The being locked out 6 times was just too much, don't you think?


I know all of this is maybe hard to swallow for you but I'm forced to swallow it. These circumstances and situations that I have never asked for are being forced on me and I am just explaining it the way it happens. I am a young pregnant waitress who wanted to bring her husband dinner so he could eat rather than drink and I assumed he would be hungry and I was stopping by a restaurant to grab food for myself anyways and figured I would ask what he wanted. Thank you for your response. And yes being locked out of my own house even once was too much, being locked out of your own house especially by the person who's supposed to love you and protect you just does something to a person and to their heart.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TheGirlNextDoor said:


> Yes, the video I have is copied somewhere private in which he has no access to it. When he is asleep I take pictures of all the texts between them and send them to my private email (he doesn't know it exists, I made that email specifically for my investigation and keeping things) I send all the texts to my private email and I print them all out and have it hidden under the seat of my car (don't ask it's the most private spot I thought of). The schedule between them is about every 4 days and he hasn't locked me out for a bit but I know it's going to happen again anytime soon.


I gave you some options above for catching him in the act. Those are a bit dramatic and might be more than you can take. 

But if you want to do one of them, or something like that, plan it.

If not, you could have someone over like your father/brothers (if they exist) and play and just start playing the video on your TV or computer screen. Or send it to him on the cell so he can watch it. 

Then tell him you have more evidence but do not show him the rest. Never reveal all of your evidence.

If there any way you can get her husband's cell phone number? If so just message that video to him with a text saying "your wife is cheating on you. If you want more info call me."

Exposing an affair to the OW's husband is the quickest way to break up an affair. She will be so busy trying to save her own marriage that she will most likely disappear from your life.


----------



## TheGirlNextDoor (Jun 7, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Wow, what is this self depreciation all about?
> 
> He's not good enough for you. His cheating is related to his alcoholism. He needs someone to drink with. So he found another alcoholic.
> 
> ...


We own the home, it was our dream house or at least was at one point in time and now I just hate being in it considering the events that are taking places. My father is around, he and my mom divorced 10 years ago but he's still very involved and if he found out what has been going on here he would jump my husband in a heart beat. My father is a very well known lawyer too and I could benefit from his advice and professional knowledge but I don't want to deal with all of this while being pregnant and trying to be healthy so my baby can be healthy. I struggle eating under stress so I am trying to prevent stress and I know that the whole father going after husband/divorce process/heartbreak/everything else will make me crack.


----------



## TheGirlNextDoor (Jun 7, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> I gave you some options above for catching him in the act. Those are a bit dramatic and might be more than you can take.
> 
> But if you want to do one of them, or something like that, plan it.
> 
> ...


Exposing the affair is actually a very wise idea but no I don't have the OW's husbands phone number and I am not sure how I can get it. If I do manage to get it, should I send them the evidence via email? I'm not sure if he would just believe words but he will have to believe 'in your face' evidence.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TheGirlNextDoor said:


> We own the home, it was our dream house or at least was at one point in time and now I just hate being in it considering the events that are taking places. My father is around, he and my mom divorced 10 years ago but he's still very involved and if he found out what has been going on here he would jump my husband in a heart beat. My father is a very well known lawyer too and I could benefit from his advice and professional knowledge but I don't want to deal with all of this while being pregnant and trying to be healthy so my baby can be healthy. I struggle eating under stress so I am trying to prevent stress and I know that the whole father going after husband/divorce process/heartbreak/everything else will make me crack.


So you are protecting your husband? What you are doing is you are enabling him.

The way you are handling this is creating stress. If you had acted harshly and swiftly the FIRST time he locked you out, there would not have been 5 more time.

If you do not want to be in the house then go stay at your mother's house. Tell your father. Then go file for divorce. 

This is shake up your husband's world. Right now he thinks he can have you and other women all in the house you are helping pay for. He does not respect you. So show him that you are to be respected.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TheGirlNextDoor said:


> Exposing the affair is actually a very wise idea but no I don't have the OW's husbands phone number and I am not sure how I can get it. If I do manage to get it, should I send them the evidence via email? I'm not sure if he would just believe words but he will have to believe 'in your face' evidence.


You say that she is a friend of a friend's. 

Does your friend know what is going on? 

Do you know the OW's facebook account? Is her husband shown on the account?

Yes he will have to believe in-your-face evidence such as the video. Send him the video any way you can.. on his cell, facebook and email. Send it to all of them incase she intercepts it.


----------



## TheGirlNextDoor (Jun 7, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> So you are protecting your husband? What you are doing is you are enabling him.
> 
> The way you are handling this is creating stress. If you had acted harshly and swiftly the FIRST time he locked you out, there would not have been 5 more time.
> 
> ...


What is the process or how will the divorce proceed? How will our assets be split up? What should I expect? I live in Portland Oregon.


----------



## TheGirlNextDoor (Jun 7, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> You say that she is a friend of a friend's.
> 
> Does your friend know what is going on?
> 
> ...


Yes I told my best friend and I showed her. She cut her out of her life and refuses to speak with her and she has been my shoulder to cry on. No, OW's husband is not shown on her account. I don't think he has a Facebook but I do know where he works. Is it better for me to go where he works and bring my evidence with me? That way OW can't delete anything. Is that appropiate?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TheGirlNextDoor said:


> Yes I told my best friend and I showed her. She cut her out of her life and refuses to speak with her and she has been my shoulder to cry on. No, OW's husband is not shown on her account. I don't think he has a Facebook but I do know where he works. Is it better for me to go where he works and bring my evidence with me? That way OW can't delete anything. Is that appropiate?


I tell you what you should do.. go ask your good friends.. *FlowerGirl*, *Aang*, *AliceInWonderLand*, and *SorryToEveryone*. I'm sure that all of them are more than willing to help you out.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

This sounds unreal, too unreal otherwise OP has lost it for still being around!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

aine said:


> This sounds unreal, too unreal otherwise OP has lost it for still being around!


Look at the post right above yours.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Ugh, when will this person get a life.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> I tell you what you should do.. go ask your good friends.. *FlowerGirl*, *Aang*, *AliceInWonderLand*, and *SorryToEveryone*. I'm sure that all of them are more than willing to help you out.


Ohhhh, I missed SorryToEveryone's tale! What was that one about?

This person is getting way to obvious right out of the gate. Don't mods track IP addresses when people request to join? (Or is it not that easy....?)


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Ohhhh, I missed SorryToEveryone's tale! What was that one about?
> 
> This person is getting way to obvious right out of the gate. Don't mods track IP addresses when people request to join? (Or is it not that easy....?)


As SorryToEveryone she apologized for trolling and told how elements of stories were all true...

We have secret troll zapping tools


----------



## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

I knew it! Mods are really the NSA monitoring our every movement on the web. Time to watch porn!

Plus, the only way you can kill a troll is with fire. If you do not, they tend to regenerate. Acid works also. :lol: I am now imagining the mods running around with flame throwers and incendiary grenades, wearing tight leather outfits.


----------



## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I tell you what you should do.. go ask your good friends.. *FlowerGirl*, *Aang*, *AliceInWonderLand*, and *SorryToEveryone*. I'm sure that all of them are more than willing to help you out.


Was it Flower girl or Flower child... If its the first i think i am getting people mixed up. Hope i have not been dissing the wrong person:surprise:


----------

