# Living with somebody



## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

So...I moved in with my girlfriend. Back in March she and I talked about my cats moving into her house because they would have so much more space than in my little city apartment. So after several weeks of thinking about it I moved them in. Then I pretty much just stayed. I didn't like being in my apartment any longer. I liked being around her and her kids.

I also started working a little on her house so that meant I was mostly at her place.

I've lived here about two weeks. But I think I made a mistake. She's showing signs of being codependent. When I get frustrated about something she tries to make me feel better and gets upset when it doesn't work. I noticed some of it before, but it is heightened now that I live here. 

We just aren't really getting along very well and it is all about that type of issue. Sucks really. But I probably made a mistake moving in after 10 months. ugh. Thoughts?


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

How different is her behavior now compared to "just dating?"

What was her background before you met her?

Below is a link detailing Co-D, does she do a great deal of these?

Characteristics of Codependency


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

10 months is quite a rush. But if you love her and everything else, perhaps it's worth just telling her how you feel about the situation. Maybe even suggest IC or MC as a preemptive strike against discord. Or if you do feel she's CoD, gently tell her some of the signs and suggest the book CoDependent No More.

Best of luck.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Yep, get codependent no more, it is worth re-reading a few times a year.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You could aways move back to your apartment.

Have you talked to her about it?

I think sometimes we get used to living alone and when that changes it feels *REALLY* weird. I seriously can't imagine living with anyone anymore. I think back on the fact I was married and shared a whole home/life with someone and it seems like I dreamed it. Lol. 

Talk to her. Decide.


----------



## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Chuck71 said:


> How different is her behavior now compared to "just dating?"
> 
> What was her background before you met her?
> 
> ...


Reading through the list she shows very few of those signs and symptoms. She does try to make me feel better sometimes. I talked with her about that and told her to just leave me be if she sees me a little sulky or something. I deal with it by withdrawing a little and nobody can help me. I'll come around. 

Part of the issue is that I am doing remodeling on her place and I get frustrated. I don't yell or rant or throw fits or anything. But i get frustrated and just quiet and "down" as it has dragged on and that irritates her. I also have problems letting things go. But since we got the kitchen functional i am taking a break b reak from it all to work on art and writing.

Jellybeans: Yeah I hear you. This is an adjustment. i did like being on my own in my own space in the city. I like being here too for the most part. My lease was up so it made sense to me to go ahead and move rather than re-up.


----------



## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

I agree that you may have moved in too soon. You did not give living alone enough of a chance. It has so many benefits. I am recently separated (about six months) and am delighted to share space with only my dog and cat, even though it is a small space. Taking on a whole family is beyond my comprehension. But at least they did not move in with you-much easier to end things, if that is what you end up doing.


----------



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

LOL!!! about 4 years of singlehoodedness after 16yrs with a woman, nine married... 
She let you move your cats in with her and her kids....
She actually gives a FK about you and TRIES to make you feel better? and you are upset with this????

Sounds like you are getting cold feet with the quick direction this is taking... but man... consider the alternatives....


----------



## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Jane139. I lived on my own for about 2 1/2 years. 

Shooboomafoo: Thanks. I needed that


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Being gun shy is completely normal. If she did not match up with 98% of the link.... maybe all she

is trying to do is make the moving transition as smooth as possible for you. Moving is a trying time...

My post-D g/f and I played sleepovers, her place, my place, etc

When she moved in.... very trying time. Just keep lines of communication open..... the first time

either of you rugsweep an issue, it's like a brick taken away from The Wall


----------



## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Yeah probably so. It is tougher still because I am working on remodeling too. She's been great. In general she is not a complainer, but she does like my attention and time, something I am historically stingy with


----------



## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

Arendt said:


> Jane139. I lived on my own for about 2 1/2 years.
> 
> Shooboomafoo: Thanks. I needed that


Ok, I read too fast...had ten months in my head.


----------

