# To celebrate or not to celebrate?



## heartysoul (May 21, 2009)

Hi Guys!

I'm back for some more great advise. In a nutshell, I found out my husband was having an EA with our nanny a few months ago. It was a horrible and painful experience but we've been communicating about it and I really do feel that our marriage is stronger than ever before. I, of course, still have my down moments which I'm sure will be with me forever. 

Our 5 year wedding anniversary is fast approaching and I don't feel like celebrating it. I feel like we're in a rebuilding stage and pretty much starting our relationship over. Plus, every time I think of the vows he wrote for me 5 years ago I want to SCREAM BS!!!! Any suggestions or reality checks on ignoring the 5 year celebration?

Thank you tons. You all have been such a great support system and I hope by sharing my stories I've been able to help some of you!

Big hugs and smiles!


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

I understand, been there. Tell him you would prefer no big celebration this year, maybe give each other a hug and a kiss and that's it. Tell him you hope you feel better next year but for now this is all you can muster.


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

Its funny between my 4th and 5th anniversary is when I found out about my wifes EA too. Funny thing is we remember forgetting our anniversary last year, and neither of us can remember what we did this year about it either. Mothersday and valentines are bigger events for us than anniverseries or birthdays.


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## heartysoul (May 21, 2009)

Thanks guys for your suggestions or moreso validation in my feelings. We'll just treat it like another day, although kind of sad, it's best. I really like the idea of telling him, hopefully in another year things will be better and we can celebrate in a more happy festive way!


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Celebrations are difficult. My 14th anniversary hit three weeks after finding out about my wife's EA and probable PA. My wife's b-day was also the week I found out. 

I totally blew off her birthday. Too much pain and confusion, so I disappeared for the day to at least let her celebrate it with the kids and her family.

For the anniversary, I went low key. We'd started marriage counciling by then, so I promised myself I wouldn't ruin that day. Obviously I was still suffering and going through the emotional turmoil, so I wasn't much in a positive talking mood with her when my mind was still thinking "how could she of done this to me?" So what I planned was a quick diner at a loud pub type restraunt (live band) followed by a comedy club show. It didn't require much talking, but did get us out as a couple again on a date.

So some of it I guess depends on whether you are going to try and rebuild the relationship or not. I felt like I couldn't just blow it off unless I really didn't want to rebuild. But at the same time, I didn't want to talk a lot because that would eventually come around to the affair and wreck the night.


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