# Nosey woman!!!



## NoseyRosey (Jun 18, 2008)

Thanks for creating this web site for people like me = )
Heres the information: Dating since 1998, married since 2005. Two children.

I began snooping through my hubbys stuff years ago due to huge suspicions, and became addicted!!! Of course, he denied everything I ever discovered!!! So I prayed to God to become a better wife, and for help to stop driving myself (and my hubby) crazy and creating problems...A year and a half ago he got sloppy and I overheard him bragging to one of his friends about one of his gallavants. So I left. I came back three months ago for a couple of reasons. 

Problem is, I still keep snooping. I intercepted his cell phone bill the other day. I also sneak and check his cell phone daily. I keep finding stuff and getting more hurt/angry, and he keeps denying everything. (I do not admit to him that I have been snooping)

I cant seem to stop snooping...

QUESTION: Should I make contact with these women? I want to find out forreal, and let them know who they are dealing with (if they dont) NOSEY GURL NEEDS INPUT!


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

dont put yourself through the anguish.
you already know about his gallavants ( they are true) trust your instincts. 
which means you have all the information you need. you dont need to know anymore information it only makes it worse for yourself.
trust me im a twice married woman who have had both hubbys cheat on me. 
its just up to u what u want to do about your fella.
basically living with or with out it. 
your bound to snoop - thats normal to, you dont trust him.
dont contact these women , they probably dont even know about you. and if they did , they wouldnt care n e way. little respect for themselves. 
you already know for real without actually seeing the situation.
dont tell him u snoop. just do what you feel is right for you at the moment.
you dont need to be a better wife, you already are. 
he needs to stop being a filanderer. 
why dont you dress up , a change of clothes. spruce yourself up. 
look at what your realtionship is -, i.e communication , sex life. try something new.
but if it doesnt work, you are still not a bad person, never think that.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

NoseyRosey said:


> A year and a half ago he got sloppy and I overheard him bragging to one of his friends about one of his gallavants. So I left. I came back three months ago for a couple of reasons.
> 
> Problem is, I still keep snooping. I intercepted his cell phone bill the other day. I also sneak and check his cell phone daily. I keep finding stuff and getting more hurt/angry, and he keeps denying everything. (I do not admit to him that I have been snooping)


I can understand why you can't stop. There is no trust. He denies until you catch him right-handed and now are still finding more. Until he makes the choice to stop this behavior and live open-book to regain your trust, you will both keep going in circles.


NoseyRosey said:


> QUESTION: Should I make contact with these women? I want to find out forreal, and let them know who they are dealing with (if they dont)


I don't know what you expect to gain by contacting these women. It seems you already know what he is doing is not right. I don't know why or how you went back to him, but that would have been the time to set some clear guidelines on what you will put up with and what he needs to do to rebuild your trust in him. If you don't do that now and he has no desire to change, I don't see an end to his behavior or your snooping.


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## NoseyRosey (Jun 18, 2008)

:iagree:
Thanks for the input. It is nice to have someone to talk to _other than friends and family. _ It is not safe to share my marraige issues with them.

Since posting and reading responses, I have been doing a lot of thinking, here is what I believe:

1. I want to contact these women strictly to sabotage whatever my hubby has with them.

2. I feel empowered by snooping. It allows me to know some of what is _really_ going on in my husbands life. 

3. It has became progressively more difficult to be intimate with my hubby due to his infidelity. I am afraid of disease, comparison, and rejection. 

4. I think my hubby has more interest in other people than me. He will sit on the sofa for hours watching (in my opinion) mindless tv, and drop a few comments about whats on-but that is it. Nothing solid or from the heart about us. Later in the evening when I check his phone he has been calling and texting people all day-Even during work time. (btw, the job is where he meets most of these women-and has been a bone of contention for years).

5. I am a family centered person, and have yearned for my hubby to spend more time with me and the kids. I have begged, pleaded, seduced, cried, screamed-basically tried every method with only a tiny bit of response. 

6. My hubby will not be honest with me even though I am honest with him. We could move on forreal if he would be open and honest (as another member had suggested) i.e. Today I asked him if I could use his cell phone to make a phone call and he agreed. However, he postponed getting ready for work just to sit in the room while I was on it. This evening when he got off of work he charged the phone in the living room for about an hour-while he was out there. Then when he went to bed he took it with him and hid it in his shoe!!! (no need to wonder how I know where he hid it )

Just wanted to share my thoughts, as this sight has already helped me to put them into perspective.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

NoseyRosey said:


> My hubby will not be honest with me even though I am honest with him. We could move on forreal if he would be open and honest


Great that you are able to organize your thoughts...all very sound points. 

Honesty and Trust seem to be the big red flag here...until that can happen, I think you'll continue to deal with these issues. It's quite apparent he is not honest with you, but you are somewhat in the same position with the snooping and hiding it from him.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

What do you want, or hope to accomplish as a result of any of these actions?
I don't understand how any of it helps your marriage - if repairing your marriage is the goal.


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## NoseyRosey (Jun 18, 2008)

I had hoped to achieve a piece of mind that his cheating ways were in the past. I wished that I wouldnt find anything, then I could chill out.

Unfortunatley, I did find things that confirmed my suspicions. Most recently a huge deal breaker, I will not go into details. 

I dont feel that guilty for snooping anymore since I found something that could change my life forever! There is too much disease going around to put myself at risk like that. Additionally, I would not want to leave my children without parents. His behavior is too risky. 

PS If my husband ever wanted to go through my stuff I would not care one bit. I am all about an open relationship. Any questions he would have had I could have answered.

I am happy that I had this venue to express my griefs. I also hope that my inquiry may have helped others in my situation.

Thanks again!!


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## Moonlight (Jun 23, 2008)

Thank you Nosey Rosey for posting this, it really has helped my own situation, on whether or not to snoop. Right now I believe my boyfriend of 4 years is having an emotional affair on the internet while I am asleep. I dont have enough evidence to show that it is more than friends, yet. I feel as if I need the closure and knowledge of what's REALLY going on, so I don't feel like I'm crazy or just paranoid. I feel for what you are going through, and understand your point of view completely. Good luck with everything..you are in my thoughts!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I can certainly understand your problem. I've gone thru the snooping stage too. It gets to the point where you are almost obsessed with finding proof. Then when you find things, your spouse denies, denies, denies. When my husband moved out, he gave my snooping as one of his reasons--he wanted privacy. I've NEVER hid anything from him; he was more than welcome to look thru anything I had.

Have you thought about getting a PI and get actual photos of him "caught in the act"? If you're like I was, you are seeking undeniable proof to put your mind at rest (either way). I tried the PI route, but I never got the photos; it was getting too expensive to have him followed all the time. The PI did a lot of background checking, which gave me more information.

I no longer trust my husband and I question if I ever will. The counselor says it will take TIME to rebuild that (if we stay married).


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I can only offer up that I have a family member whose relationship just ended as a result of 'snooping'. There was nothing to be found. There was nothing going on - but she didn't trust him, and couldn't stop herself. As a result, she lost the very thing she was trying to preserve.


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