# Married for the 2nd time to the same man



## Casey518 (3 mo ago)

I am 50 years old just recently got remarried for the 2nd time to my ex-husband . Thinking things would be different this time around. It already doesn't appear to be any different.We met when we were just 18 years old .We had 2 beautiful children together. A son and daughter. We lost our beautiful daughter 5 years ago , she was only 23. I know that puts a lot of stress on a relationship . I believe my husband is a narcissist. I can't believe it has taken me over 30 years to realize it. Reason being he suffered with addiction for many years so I guess I always figured his behaviors were due to his addiction,it wasn't until he got and remained sober for 5 years that I started realizing it wasn't the alcohol causing his abusive behavior. I start researching different behaviors of his sober and everytime the word narcissist would come up. I definitely need this site. Like a good narrassist he has succeeded in isolating me from family and friends. So I don't really have a lot of support right now and sure can use it due to his abuse both mental and physical.I will be sharing my story soon. I also believe he is having a affair and it may have been going on before we got remarried. So I can't understand why he would have even gotten remarried to me. I'm looking forward to interacting with others that may have been through the mental and physical abuse but found the courage to break free . And hopefully one day I could get the courage to do the same


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Casey518 said:


> I am 50 years old just recently got remarried for the 2nd time to my ex-husband . Thinking things would be different this time around. It already doesn't appear to be any different.We met when we were just 18 years old .We had 2 beautiful children together. A son and daughter. We lost our beautiful daughter 5 years ago , she was only 23. I know that puts a lot of stress on a relationship . I believe my husband is a narcissist. I can't believe it has taken me over 30 years to realize it. Reason being he suffered with addiction for many years so I guess I always figured his behaviors were due to his addiction,it wasn't until he got and remained sober for 5 years that I started realizing it wasn't the alcohol causing his abusive behavior. I start researching different behaviors of his sober and everytime the word narcissist would come up. I definitely need this site. Like a good narrassist he has succeeded in isolating me from family and friends. So I don't really have a lot of support right now and sure can use it due to his abuse both mental and physical.I will be sharing my story soon. I also believe he is having a affair and it may have been going on before we got remarried. So I can't understand why he would have even gotten remarried to me. I'm looking forward to interacting with others that may have been through the mental and physical abuse but found the courage to break free . And hopefully one day I could get the courage to do the same


@Casey518 Welcome to TAM.
Your situation sounds really hard and I'm sorry you find yourself here.

It sounds like you already know what you need to do "_ found the courage to break free . And hopefully one day I could get the courage to do the same_"

Do you work? You said he has isolated you; do you have any support system at all, like a church or anything?
There are also women's shelters designed to help, are there any of those in your area?


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## Casey518 (3 mo ago)

Thank you for your kind words
I do know what I have to do, but you know yourself how hard that is?The brain knows its time but the heart wants to still try and make it work.I know it's so sick to want to stay somewhere where you're being physical & mentally abused. Women that were never abused don't get it. Unfortunately women like us that were abused understand it? Yes I work but that's with him. We started a construction business a few years ago . But yes we have shelters and stuff. I have been in touch with them. We have a fight, he hits me. I then be calling different places to try and get out of here. Then a day goes by and it's like everything goes back to normal and I stop looking to get out untill the next time. Do you do that too? I get so mad at myself for it


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## BootsAndJeans (3 mo ago)

File charges. Let him spend some time in jail. Get somewhere safe.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Casey518 said:


> We have a fight, he hits me.


This crosses a line and @BootsAndJeans is right. Call the police and file charges against him, and then go to a shelter right away! You need to think of your own safety!

Full disclosure, I am not a woman, and neither is Boots. But we both recognize your husband. You need to get out while you still can.

There will be women who see this thread soon and may connect better with "why" some women do the things you say and offer ways to overcome those feelings.

But I will also reassure you, whether man or woman, everyone on TAM wants you to be safe and get away from that monster of yours.


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## Casey518 (3 mo ago)

Thank you for your kind words
I do know what I have to do but you know yourself how hard that is?The brain knows its time but the heart wants to still try and make it work.And I know it's so sick to want to stay somewhere where you're being physical abused. WOmen that were never abused don't get it. Unfortunately women like us that were abused understand it?


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## Casey518 (3 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> This crosses a line and @BootsAndJeans is right. Call the police and file charges against him, and then go to a shelter right away! You need to think of your own safety!
> 
> Full disclosure, I am not a woman, and neither is Boots. But we both recognize your husband. You need to get out while you still can.
> 
> ...





BeyondRepair007 said:


> This crosses a line and @BootsAndJeans is right. Call the police and file charges against him, and then go to a shelter right away! You need to think of your own safety!
> 
> Full disclosure, I am not a woman, and neither is Boots. But we both recognize your husband. You need to get out while you still can.
> 
> ...


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## Casey518 (3 mo ago)

That's why I am here.I never told anyone but I'm just fed up and have been looking into different resources. He didn't change yet. After all these years. I know he isn't going to change. And I have no choice but to leave. Just trying to have a plan in place.Thank you for the support


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Casey518 said:


> That's why I am here.I never told anyone but I'm just fed up and have been looking into different resources. He didn't change yet. After all these years. I know he isn't going to change. And I have no choice but to leave. Just trying to have a plan in place.Thank you for the support


Yea, I agree, he won’t change. I’m glad you’re looking into resources, that’s a good first step. Also, hold on to your money, you will need it!


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Casey518 said:


> Thank you for your kind words
> I do know what I have to do, but you know yourself how hard that is?The brain knows its time but the heart wants to still try and make it work.I know it's so sick to want to stay somewhere where you're being physical & mentally abused. Women that were never abused don't get it. Unfortunately women like us that were abused understand it? Yes I work but that's with him. We started a construction business a few years ago . But yes we have shelters and stuff. I have been in touch with them. We have a fight, he hits me. I then be calling different places to try and get out of here. Then a day goes by and it's like everything goes back to normal and I stop looking to get out untill the next time. Do you do that too? I get so mad at myself for it


No one changes in a day. If he hadn’t hit you I. years I’d understand. He doesn’t hit you for a day and you’re back? Never been hit. Been mentally abused by my dad. Mom was beaten. Hit me once and you’ll never find me. Get out of there. Leave this evil douche bag. He’s trash


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

What narcissistic traits did you notice? I was with my STBX for 8 years. The last 2-3 years were just dizzying and I could never put my finger on what was wrong. After we split, I starting doing a ton of research since I wanted to learn what the hell happened. I found out she had virtually every trait of a covert narcissist. Lack of empathy, self-centeredness, child like emotional reactions were the big red flags. Her mom is also one. And kids usually learn the traits from their parents. 

If your H is a narcissist, they rarely, if every change on their own. But it sounds like he love-bombed you back into a 2nd marriage and then devalued you all over again. They do not change. Leave and never look back.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Casey518 said:



I do know what I have to do, but you know yourself how hard that is?

Click to expand...

*You already left him once - the second time around should be a lot easier, shouldn't it?

And please stop armchair-diagnosing people as "Narcissists" just because they're ass-holes. You're not qualified to make that diagnosis and the ACTUAL number of diagnosed Narcissists is fairly low. Besides, A LOT of recovering alcoholics are just selfish ass-holes. I was married to one and left him, so I know firsthand how big of an ass-hole they can be. 

You screwed up and jumped back into the fire. Seems he's no more of a prize sober than he was when he was a drunk. Shocker.

You *know* what you need to do.


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