# An ex of mine won't leave me alone



## mrshannahj (Nov 5, 2017)

I have an ex that won't leave me alone and it's been a problem lately.He pleas to get back with me and knows I am happily married for 17 years which will 18 next month.Has been to the house twice and the cops were called out last time.My husband wanted to kick his butt.We dated back in high school and all he did was cheat on me.He would go out with other girls too and tell them he was single.Plus he wanted me to change my decision of enlisting in the Marines.Told him that was not going to happen.I broke up with him seeing he was a player.The cop that came last time told him he better not come back,will be taken to jail next time it happens.Any ideas?I have had enough of it including my husband


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Have you got a protection order out on him? Do you know why he has suddenly start coming after 17 years? Have you blocked all calls texts and emails? Do you answer any contact?


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Have the cops on speed dial.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

How and when did all this come about? Have you been in contact with him for the past 18 years or did you run into him somewhere?? Or has this been going on for 18 years?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Your posts are bizarre. Have your husband should have dealt with this.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Get a restraining order. This sounds like stalking behavior


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## WildMustang (Nov 7, 2017)

.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

mrshannahj said:


> I have an ex that won't leave me alone and it's been a problem lately.He pleas to get back with me and knows I am happily married for 17 years which will 18 next month.Has been to the house twice and the cops were called out last time.My husband wanted to kick his butt.We dated back in high school and all he did was cheat on me.He would go out with other girls too and tell them he was single.Plus he wanted me to change my decision of enlisting in the Marines.Told him that was not going to happen.I broke up with him seeing he was a player.The cop that came last time told him he better not come back,will be taken to jail next time it happens.Any ideas?I have had enough of it including my husband


Get a restraining order, and be sure your house is burglar proof. Make sure you and your husband are concealed carrying whenever you step foot outside.

The next time he shows up, have him arrested. Moving while he's in jail would be a great addition. How did he find out where you live anyway?


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## mrshannahj (Nov 5, 2017)

BioFury said:


> Get a restraining order, and be sure your house is burglar proof. Make sure you and your husband are concealed carrying whenever you step foot outside.
> 
> The next time he shows up, have him arrested. Moving while he's in jail would be a great addition. How did he find out where you live anyway?


Must of followed me,my husband and I have concealed weapons permits.Cop that came out said I should get a restraining order which I am going to do


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

This breaks my heart. It is so sad when someone simply does not get the message or feels they have to hang on. Hopefully he is not dangerous, just desperate. If you can talk to him, be kind but very firm that he is not part of your life. If you can not, get an order of protection.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

mrshannahj said:


> Must of followed me,my husband and I have concealed weapons permits.Cop that came out said I should get a restraining order which I am going to do


A good habit is to always pull off onto another road when there are cars behind you, and you're nearly your street. Takes a couple extra minutes, but saves you from headaches like this, or some jerk who you cut off by accident.


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## mrshannahj (Nov 5, 2017)

BioFury said:


> A good habit is to always pull off onto another road when there are cars behind you, and you're nearly your street. Takes a couple extra minutes, but saves you from headaches like this, or some jerk who you cut off by accident.


I take a different route now he does not know about yet.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

mrshannahj said:


> I take a different route now he does not know about yet.


Well, he knows where your house is, so making sure he doesn't follow you is kinda pointless now is it not?


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## mrshannahj (Nov 5, 2017)

BioFury said:


> Well, he knows where your house is, so making sure he doesn't follow you is kinda pointless now is it not?


He is in jail right now,another ex of his called the cops on him,stalking her.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

mrshannahj said:


> He is in jail right now,another ex of his called the cops on him,stalking her.


Don't let your guard down. He'll only be in there for a short while. Don't let you or your husband be caught at unawares.


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## mrshannahj (Nov 5, 2017)

BioFury said:


> Don't let your guard down. He'll only be in there for a short while. Don't let you or your husband be caught at unawares.


He is going to be there a little bit longer,warrant for his arrest this morning for not paying child support.Was released this morning and the cops said put him back in.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

How did this start? Had you had any contact before that?

Read here.


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## mrshannahj (Nov 5, 2017)

sokillme said:


> How did this start? Had you had any contact before that?
> 
> Read here.


One of his no good buddies spied on me and gave him the info,no contact with him.I did file for a restraining order today,going to court in a couple weeks


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Yeah, don't take this lightly. His behavior is very abnormal, and thus potentially quite dangerous. Keep your situational awareness high, and don't play nice.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Do not engage this person, if you see him following you call the police. Tell them where you are, what vehicle you are both driving and have the police send an officer. Stalking one person is deranged thinking, stalking two people puts him at the dangerous level. His actions are not rational, nor his thinking, so be aware of your surroundings. You mentioned you have a concealed carry permit, you do know that if you pull your weapon it is to kill, correct? Do not pull that weapon until you are going to shoot. Have you ever had to even draw your weapon and point at a human being? The feeling is much different from a target which is why I ask. If you aren’t capable of shooting someone, you probably shouldn’t have the gun with you. Most guns are taken from the owner because they couldn’t pull the trigger, be sure that you can. Best of luck to you, keep your eyes and ears open to everything.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Keep your eyes open and be aware of your surroundings at all times. This guy sounds unhinged. Definitely get that restraining order and push the issue as hard as you can.

I can't offer more than that, as I don't suffer fools lightly. I would be the aggressor, and put an end to it.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

drifting on said:


> You mentioned you have a concealed carry permit, you do know that if you pull your weapon it is to kill, correct? Do not pull that weapon until you are going to shoot. Have you ever had to even draw your weapon and point at a human being? The feeling is much different from a target which is why I ask. If you aren’t capable of shooting someone, you probably shouldn’t have the gun with you. Most guns are taken from the owner because they couldn’t pull the trigger, be sure that you can.


Honestly I don't know where people get such ideas.

When you pull your weapon it is with the intention of *stopping the threat*. Displaying the weapon may (or may not) be considered use of deadly force in and of itself, depending on your laws and judges. In general, displaying the weapon would be lawful only when firing it would be lawful. That is, you cannot lawfully threaten to shoot somebody unless you are lawfully allowed to shoot them. 

We could create scenarios where threatening by displaying the weapon is lawful. A stalker who is violating an RO for example could be argued is an imminent threat even across a parking lot, especially if a weapon is visible or believed to be present. It might be sufficient and lawful to display one's own weapon in such a situation. In that case the weapon is drawn without an immediate intent to fire it. (Be sure to know your local laws, and consult an atty).

However, generally if the person is close enough to warrant displaying your gun then it is advisable to shoot. From a legal standpoint in court it is easier to justify shooting than menacing in some jurisdictions! From a personal safety standpoint, an aggressor can cover a lot of ground very quickly. Within the home certainly qualifies. Within 30 feet outdoors qualifies. (Tueller at 21 ft has been shown to be too close).

When one decides to use their defensive weapon, the goal is to stop the threat. This could be a psychological stop, and in most cases that is what happens with random crimes. The criminal desists as soon as they see the weapon coming out, and the victim ends up not firing it. In the case of stalking this may not be the case. If one fires the weapon it is to physically incapacitate the attacker. Pain, shock, or unconsciousness. A psychological stop could occur after being shot, too.

To be clear, one only draws a weapon when use of deadly force is lawfully justified, and one uses the weapon to stop the threat. One does not shoot to kill! While death may be the result, it is not the goal.

As to guns being taken away from the owner, it virtually never happens. It makes great thriller tv drama but it isn't reality. Guns are used successfully in self defense all the time.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Thor said:


> Honestly I don't know where people get such ideas.
> 
> When you pull your weapon it is with the intention of *stopping the threat*. Displaying the weapon may (or may not) be considered use of deadly force in and of itself, depending on your laws and judges. In general, displaying the weapon would be lawful only when firing it would be lawful. That is, you cannot lawfully threaten to shoot somebody unless you are lawfully allowed to shoot them.
> 
> ...




You are correct on most if not even all that you have said, however, I am of the mindset that you pull your weapon to shoot. My training consisted of two to the center mass, one to the head. On many occasions I have my hand on my weapon ready to draw, if necessary. If I pull my weapon and aim it at you, you should know I most likely will shoot you. Subjects have been known to reach shooters from beyond thirty feet, these are people who occasionally go to ranges and have completed the concealed carry qualifications. This is why I advise all concealed carry to draw your weapon if you are going to kill. My town is probably leading the nation in gun homicides, used to have some of the strictest gun laws, but its the Wild West here. Pretty much you just know that every person is carrying a weapon.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

My personal preference is 2 to the chest and 1 to the groin. Groin is a larger and easier target.

Potatoes / Po-tot-toes


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I agree that in almost every scenario one doesn't pull the weapon out until the intention is to shoot. Generally it is very shaky ground legally to say you were trying to scare the perp and didn't intend to shoot. Ditto warning shots, a very bad legal position to put yourself into.

I think a stalker with the kind of history of the guy OP is dealing with is a very dangerous person who should be given no benefit of the doubt.

My training has been to shoot until the threat is neutralized. In real life we don't see hits on target the way we do in paper at the range. Put an old t-shirt on a cardboard silhouette and see how hard it is to judge hits. Bad guys are more frequently wearing body armor, too. Shoot, assess, repeat as necessary until the threat ceases to be a threat. Scan for more bad guys.

There was a case a few years ago of a cop who was killed iirc because he did exactly what they did on the range when he got into a real life armed confrontation. Draw, shoot, holster. He didn't assess and repeat as necessary. Good training, practice, and mental preparation are all important!


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

drifting on said:


> Most guns are taken from the owner because they couldn’t pull the trigger,


I'd love to see the data that supports this assertion.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

You shoot center mass until the threat has been neutralized, unless you're filming a movie, then you shoot a smiley face on his head, or shoot him in the kneecap, then say a ridiculously corny pun.


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

Yeah this is not normal this is insane. This is not an ex this someone who is mentally unstable. Peraonally I would move far and far away and change my name. Someone like this could end up doing something crazy.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

zookeeper said:


> I'd love to see the data that supports this assertion.




You probably won’t ever see stats for this, but in my profession, you see how it can happen very easily. My point is, that OP is a concealed carry holder, that doesn’t mean OP will shoot if placed in a life and death situation. I don’t know the training and qualifications OP has completed for concealed carry, but it’s my opinion it’s not enough. Shooting in a range is much different then a store or even an open area. Line of sight, background, speed of the situation, distance, and many other factors come into play during a shoot. I will also tell you I’m in favor of concealed carry, but I’m a bigger proponent to training.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

drifting on said:


> You probably won’t ever see stats for this, but in my profession, you see how it can happen very easily. My point is, that OP is a concealed carry holder, that doesn’t mean OP will shoot if placed in a life and death situation. *I don’t know the training and qualifications OP has completed for concealed carry, but it’s my opinion it’s not enough.* Shooting in a range is much different then a store or even an open area. Line of sight, background, speed of the situation, distance, and many other factors come into play during a shoot. I will also tell you I’m in favor of concealed carry, but I’m a bigger proponent to training.


Your point is lost by the fact that you presented a bold assertion as fact with only your "gut feel" to back up your statement. 

There is no credible data to support your claim. If I'm wrong, produce it. Otherwise, stop using scare tactics. 

The bolded part is even more laughable. You admit having zero knowledge of her training and capability but have concluded she hasn't had enough. I guess you're the only person who ever lived that knew what he didn't know. Did you really mean to write that?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Back in the 90's the Clinton administration tasked the DoJ to study defensive uses of guns by women. The results were interesting. In all reported cases of rape or attempted rape:

When a woman did not resist rape, the rape was completed just over 50% of the time, and the woman needed medical care about 50% of the time.

When a woman resisted with other than a firearm, the rape was completed the same approximately 50% of the time, and medical care was needed the same. (In other studies it is reported that the severity of injuries may be greater by resisting than not resisting, ignoring psychological injury).

When a woman resisted with a firearm, the rape was completed statistically 0% of the time, and the injury rate was essentially 0%.

There is no data, no police reports, and no anecdotal evidence to support the notion that women pull out a gun but then have the gun taken away due to them being psychologically unable to pull the trigger. It is a classic anti- self defense and anti- civil rights lie told to scare women away from getting a gun and learning how to use it.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

zookeeper said:


> Your point is lost by the fact that you presented a bold assertion as fact with only your "gut feel" to back up your statement.
> 
> There is no credible data to support your claim. If I'm wrong, produce it. Otherwise, stop using scare tactics.
> 
> The bolded part is even more laughable. You admit having zero knowledge of her training and capability but have concluded she hasn't had enough. I guess you're the only person who ever lived that knew what he didn't know. Did you really mean to write that?




Zookeeper

The Washington Post places 77 concealed carry holders in three situations, car jacking, store robbery, and I can’t remember the third scenario. The concealed carry holders reacted poorly, shot innocent bystanders, or shot at themselves. Most stares do not require enough training. So it is my sincere hope that OP has had adequate enough training beyond just a class to carry a weapon. That is my point. I do not use scare tactics as you say, I use real life that I have witnessed personally. Real calls that I have been sent on. You can say what you want about my posts, laughable, using scare tactics, but my goal is that OP is safe in her dealings with her unstable subject. Walk a mile in my shoes and your opinions just may change.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

drifting on said:


> Zookeeper
> 
> The Washington Post places 77 concealed carry holders in three situations, car jacking, store robbery, and I can’t remember the third scenario. The concealed carry holders reacted poorly, shot innocent bystanders, or shot at themselves. Most stares do not require enough training. So it is my sincere hope that OP has had adequate enough training beyond just a class to carry a weapon. That is my point. I do not use scare tactics as you say, I use real life that I have witnessed personally. Real calls that I have been sent on. You can say what you want about my posts, laughable, using scare tactics, but my goal is that OP is safe in her dealings with her unstable subject. Walk a mile in my shoes and your opinions just may change.


Even if I accepted your vague recollection of a Washington Post article as credible fact, your account shows no mention that the weapon was taken from the victim by the perpetrator. That was your assertion. 

If you are for training, say so and leave it at that. When you spread falsehoods your credibility drops very quickly. Maybe admit you made that part up? The stop doing so.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Gun owners successfully defend themselves, their families, strangers, and law enforcement officers hundreds of thousands of times each year. The real-world is not one of innocent bystanders being shot, or concealed carriers shooting each other. Real life is not women pulling out a gun then freezing up and having the gun taken away. Real life is non-criminals being very successful at self defense with personal handguns.

The Washington Post is hardly neutral on the topic of gun control. Their experiment was a typical setup to prove self defense with a gun is bad.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

zookeeper said:


> Even if I accepted your vague recollection of a Washington Post article as credible fact, your account shows no mention that the weapon was taken from the victim by the perpetrator. That was your assertion.
> 
> If you are for training, say so and leave it at that. When you spread falsehoods your credibility drops very quickly. Maybe admit you made that part up? The stop doing so.




As I said zoo, I have been on calls where the concealed carry holders gun was taken by a criminal. It happens, the percentage, probably low, but then the weapon was listed as stolen. Was the person killed by their weapon? No. So I have now proven what you say as falsehood as truth. About the Washington Post, I don’t consider it a very credible source, however I don’t find many news organizations as credible. Also I believe this study to be set up to fail, for the exact reason as Thor stated. None of this changes what you have typed nor I, I am simply stating that OP be careful and if displays a weapon, it is to eliminate any immediate threat. Now to eliminate any more of a thread jack I won’t comment here on OP’s thread about this issue. Do feel free to pm me if you feel the need to continue.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

drifting on said:


> Most guns are taken from the owner because they couldn’t pull the trigger,





drifting on said:


> As I said zoo, I have been on calls where the concealed carry holders gun was taken by a criminal. It happens, the percentage, probably low, but then the weapon was listed as stolen. Was the person killed by their weapon? No. So I have now proven what you say as falsehood as truth.


Now "most" is equivalent to a low percentage? Keep digging.

Just because something happened does not make it common or widespread and your anecdotal experience does not equal proven fact.

So exactly what have you proven? Not what you think you did, I assure you.


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