# advice for staying in a hotel



## desperateindenver (4 mo ago)

I've come to terms with the end of our marriage. It was amicable, but now my wife wants me OUT. I signed a lease on an apartment, but it's not ready until the end of October. I'm looking forward to it, but...

The idea of staying in a hotel for a month has me depressed, overwelmed... My kids say they'll come stay with me some, but I feel like I'll be alone most of the time, in a place that's not mine.

So, did any of y'all stay in a hotel?

*Do you have any advice* for how to keep my sanity for a month? How to make it as inviting to my kids as possible. They're 11 and 14 and will likely just take turns staying with me as the hotel I'm looking at only has two beds. 

I do realize that I am more fortunate than many, but that does not help my emotional state. 

Looking for advice, support, something, thanks.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

If she's that tired of you, she can stay at a hotel for a month. 

If you must stay in a hotel, choose one with a pool or other amenities that the kids would like. 

I hope you consulted a lawyer already. Don't move out without doing that.


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## desperateindenver (4 mo ago)

thanks. Everything else is being managed.

I'm trying to find a way to make a month in a hotel manageable.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

does she own the house?


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

If this is not order by court or your attorney then dont. this is considered abandining your kids and she can get a full custody.
DO NOT LEAVE the house. she can leave but not you
@*desperateindenver*


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

desperateindenver said:


> I've come to terms with the end of our marriage. It was amicable, but now my wife wants me OUT. I signed a lease on an apartment, but it's not ready until the end of October. I'm looking forward to it, but...
> 
> The idea of staying in a hotel for a month has me depressed, overwelmed... My kids say they'll come stay with me some, but I feel like I'll be alone most of the time, in a place that's not mine.
> 
> ...


If it were me I would be more inclined to go get a cabin at a state park or something like that so that there's some pleasure involved. But I realize you may have to stay close to a job. 

They have those extended stay suites just for this purpose. I'm sure some of them are just crawling with prostitutes and drug dealers. But that's probably true in just about any motel or hotel.


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## desperateindenver (4 mo ago)

i appreciate all the feedback, i do, but I'm hoping to find guidance on how to survive the next month in a hotel


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Can you rent a furnished room in someone’s house? Check online. Most towns have a few people renting out a room on a temporary basis.


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## desperateindenver (4 mo ago)

Beach123 said:


> Can you rent a furnished room in someone’s house? Check online. Most towns have a few people renting out a room on a temporary basis.


I like that idea, but I have two kids and need more than a furnished room. I don't think my kids would like that and some of the places I looked at said no kids


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Look at a month’s stay in a hotel as just a temporary blip. Catch up on your reading (if you like to read) or binge-watch Netflix or whatever. It will end soon enough and then you can restart your life.


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## desperateindenver (4 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> Look at a month’s stay in a hotel as just a temporary blip. Catch up on your reading (if you like to read) or binge-watch Netflix or whatever. It will end soon enough and then you can restart your life.


i like to read, but can't. my head is spinning.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@desperateindenver ,

Since it's what you asked for, I am going to ONLY focus my response on "how to survive the next month in a hotel."

First, I'd bring some personal, sentimental items with you, so that you can make your hotel room as much 'yours' as possible. I'm not saying you should store all your boxes in the room--but bring some things that are yours that mean something to you so it feels like 'your place' and not just 'a place.'

Next, I'd make specific plans for having the kids regularly. At 11 and 14 your children are not toddlers so they should be able to manage some of the newness of being out-of-the-house and with you. Begin to start navigating getting them up and ready for school by yourself--and doing homework, feeding them, and getting them to bed at night by yourself. And while you have them, take time to show them your new apartment, describe how the three of you will decorate the new apartment to make it YOURS, ask them what they want in the new apartment, etc. The more you can include them in the plans, the more they'll feel like it's also their home too. 

Next, I'd begin planning the move. Moving to an apartment from your former marital home will involve packing your items, moving them maybe into storage, organizing what furniture will be yours and what will be hers, etc. And when you realize you'll have a bed but no kitchen pans...go buy some kitchen pans! Get ready to make the new apartment a family-friendly home...and not just a bare bachelor pad.

Finally, I wouldn't spend a bunch of time "in the hotel room" moping around. That doesn't do anyone any good...and I'm an introvert, so I'm not talking about going out to the bars or anything. Instead, I'd say stay at work until you feel like the task is completed, or take yourself out to dinner, or go for a walk, or go to the gym and sweat! There is a whole world of things out there that you've wanted to do that you couldn't/chose not to because you were married. Well, now you can go do them! Go to church. Volunteer. Go to the car museum or a car show. Meet up with old friends. Go on a nature hike. Browse a bookstore ALL DAY LONG if you want to. I don't know what your interests are, but you get my drift, right?


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## AzovSteel (6 mo ago)

sooner than not you’ll ignore my advise, but: go to a Portugal or Spain for that month. Rent a car for month and drive around those 2 countries. Drink wine, eat jamon. Every day will be new! You can stay in some towns and villages for a day or two or three - on your own schedule. You’ll be walking a lot too. Take your children with you. You’ll come back a New Man with irreplaceable, unique memories…. Staying in some hotel in US is depressing.

Extreme situations demand “extreme” solutions.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

AzovSteel said:


> You sooner than not ignore my advise, but: go to a Portugal or Spain for that month. Rent a car for month and drive around those 2 countries. Drink wine, eat jamon. Every day will be new! You can stay in some towns and villages for a day or two or three - on your own schedule. You’ll be walking a lot too. Take your children with you. You’ll come back a New Man with irreplaceable, unique memories…. Staying in some hotel in US is depressing.
> 
> Extreme situations demand “extreme” solutions.


Don’t you think he has a job? And the kids surely have school. No wife going through a divorce is going to let her kids be taken out of the country.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

desperateindenver said:


> i appreciate all the feedback, i do, but I'm hoping to find guidance on how to survive the next month in a hotel


So you don’t want any functional advice on your marital/legal situation (which many folks here have extensive experience with), you’re just looking for some guidance on how to most effectively live out of a suitcase for a month?

Maybe you’ll get some good recommendations I guess, but you might do better searching the YouTube travel channels for practical long-term hotel living tips.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

desperateindenver said:


> I've come to terms with the end of our marriage. It was amicable, but now my wife wants me OUT. I signed a lease on an apartment, but it's not ready until the end of October. I'm looking forward to it, but...
> 
> The idea of staying in a hotel for a month has me depressed, overwelmed... My kids say they'll come stay with me some, but I feel like I'll be alone most of the time, in a place that's not mine.
> 
> ...



why did you move out because of her issues ?

And why did you have to move at all ?


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

AzovSteel said:


> You sooner than not ignore my advise, but: go to a Portugal or Spain for that month. Rent a car for month and drive around those 2 countries. Drink wine, eat jamon. Every day will be new! You can stay in some towns and villages for a day or two or three - on your own schedule. You’ll be walking a lot too. Take your children with you. You’ll come back a New Man with irreplaceable, unique memories…. Staying in some hotel in US is depressing.
> 
> Extreme situations demand “extreme” solutions.


As enticing as this sounds, probably not realistic.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

What about an Airbnb? Sometimes they have small suites or a separate room from the whole building. If you have to stay at a hotel, maybe you can get a suite with a kitchen to make it more spacious and homey. Choose one closer to amenities your children can enjoy.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

desperateindenver said:


> i like to read, but can't. my head is spinning.


Then why are you so resistant to discussing anything other than travel tactics? 

You need outside guidance on the situation as a whole. Are you at least receiving that from somewhere with someone that has your best interests in mind?


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## AzovSteel (6 mo ago)

Teacherwifemom said:


> Don’t you think he has a job? And the kids surely have school. No wife going through a divorce is going to let her kids be taken out of the country.


my view is that unless his job is being a sidekick to ilon musk or testing out US Air Forces’s new hypersonic jet, or unless he lives paycheck to paycheck, nothing’s more important then one’s health. Jobs are many, health - you get only one. He isn’t a teenager who’s text was not returned by an opposite sex. My understanding, his struggle is very real, and about the size of the universe.

I won’t comment on a mom not letting a father (unless a madman alcholic suffering from gambling, with an assault with a deadly weapon charge on the record) take kids to another country, as that may be a cultural thing


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## AzovSteel (6 mo ago)

Benbutton said:


> As enticing as this sounds, probably not realistic.


1. tell the boss you need 3-4 weeks due to extraordinary, once in a lifetime circumstances. (97 out of 100 times I’d understand my employee and not keep a man giving off with a strong, long rage depression Wi-Fi signal at a workplace)
2. Click, click, click and in less than 24 hours you’re in Madrid, in a new world.
3. That’s it.

After 4 weeks he’ll have enough neurons rewired that he’ll be a person ready for a fresh start, otherwise, it’ll end up costing him a lot more over the longer term, if he develops PTSD just to keep his (I’m guessing) likely a very replaceable job


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## Frankie J (4 mo ago)

bobert said:


> If she's that tired of you, she can stay at a hotel for a month.
> 
> If you must stay in a hotel, choose one with a pool or other amenities that the kids would like.
> 
> I hope you consulted a lawyer already. Don't move out without doing that.


Don’t leave you house


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## desperateindenver (4 mo ago)

Affaircare said:


> @desperateindenver ,
> 
> Since it's what you asked for, I am going to ONLY focus my response on "how to survive the next month in a hotel."
> 
> ...


Excellent. Thank you


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## Loves Coffee (4 mo ago)

desperateindenver said:


> Looking for advice, support, something, thanks.


I've had extended hotel stays before and it can get pretty boring. All of the stuff at home that keeps you occupied isn't there - just a bed, tv, shower... then you have the noise and smells. The showers are usually pretty nice. 

Try to find a gym or ymca close that has a pool, sauna, etc. Even if you don't work out a lot just doing those things can help break up the time. If you have friends nearby you can offer to help come do things at their house like some kind of project work. I'd avoid titty bars. Wednesdays are half price nights at Dave and Busters and I always love those coin pushers lol. Learning new things is nice like maybe sewing at hobby lobby. 

If you are going to stay in the room for a while, I'd recommend doing something active rather than passive. Playing a video game instead of binge watching tv. Write a journal. Audiobooks are good. The time passes faster.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

desperateindenver said:


> I've come to terms with the end of our marriage. It was amicable, but now my wife wants me OUT. I signed a lease on an apartment, but it's not ready until the end of October. I'm looking forward to it, but...
> 
> The idea of staying in a hotel for a month has me depressed, overwelmed... My kids say they'll come stay with me some, but I feel like I'll be alone most of the time, in a place that's not mine.
> 
> ...


It’s currently your home too. Let her go to a hotel. Stop being a pushover.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Marc878 said:


> It’s currently your home too. Let her go to a hotel. Stop being a pushover.


Apparently he doesn’t want that advice, nor does he want to discuss anything other than long term hotel tips.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If its all so amicable, then surely you can stay in the house for just 4 weeks? It will save a lot of money as well.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Rent an RV and park in it in the driveway of your house. Toss your wife the keys and tell her to enjoy it.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

If you are certain you want to stay in a hotel, then call ahead and ask about a discount on a long term stay. Some places will offer that for you. With that said, like others, I would also say you should not leave. Once you walk out, she wins. That's you giving up your house and kids if you have them.


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## desperateindenver (4 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> If its all so amicable, then surely you can stay in the house for just 4 weeks? It will save a lot of money as well.


It was, but now she's upset, says she can't be in the same house with me. I asked why, got vague answer. 

I told her it'd be fair if she stayed in the hotel the first two weeks, then I do, then move straight to my apartment from there.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Is there a concern that there is someone else who might be moving into the house when you are gone and is the plan to sell the house?


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## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

desperateindenver said:


> It was, but now she's upset, says she can't be in the same house with me. I asked why, got vague answer.
> 
> I told her it'd be fair if she stayed in the hotel the first two weeks, then I do, then move straight to my apartment from there.


The hotel is a waste of money. Get yourself a VAR and stay in the house until your apartment is ready. Get your balls back man.


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## desperateindenver (4 mo ago)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Is there a concern that there is someone else who might be moving into the house when you are gone and is the plan to sell the house?


Neither


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## desperateindenver (4 mo ago)

Tex X said:


> The hotel is a waste of money. Get yourself a VAR and stay in the house until your apartment is ready. Get your balls back man.


What's a VAR?


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## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

desperateindenver said:


> What's a VAR?


Voice activated recorder - get one and keep it on you at all times. Helps prevent any false domestic violence charges.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

desperateindenver said:


> So, did any of y'all stay in a hotel?


Only for a few short couple of weeks while I looked for a small inexpensive apartment while the divorce was going on.



> *Do you have any advice* for how to keep my sanity for a month? How to make it as inviting to my kids as possible. They're 11 and 14 and will likely just take turns staying with me as the hotel I'm looking at only has two beds.


It's only for a month right? You have the rest of the time while they are growing up to make a better 2nd home for them. Don't worry about it. Chances are they'll think a hotel is cool. It will be like they are on vacation(especially if it has a pool)

And the get take out food as well! Kids LOVE McD's....pizza ordered...etc.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Is there a concern that there is someone else who might be moving into the house when you are gone and is the plan to sell the house?


Sounds like she wants to move someone else in


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your home is where your mind is.
If your mind wishes to remain in that house, then stay.

Sit outside, in another room away from her that month.

You love the outdoors, spend a lot of time hiking and biking, fishing, whatever.

Winter is approaching, yes, depending where you live, that will hinder some outdoor activities 

...................................................................................

I read your other posts, your marriage is toast.

She greatly resents you. 

*It is not clear why.*

I know you suffer from anxiety, have you seen a doctor about this?

A lot of the anxiety-depression medications _make your mind go flat_ and often interfere with sexual functioning.

Get on one that does not have those side effects, if possible?


..................................................................................

Get in shape, _lose that substantial extra weight_, not for her, but for yourself, and for any future dating success.

You will live longer and healthier if you remain at a reasonable weight.


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## kirazelenka0 (2 mo ago)

I know one good rule because I was recently in a hotel on the island of Aruba. Always follow the dress code of the hotel. The dress code may vary from hotel to hotel. In hotels of a more accessible rank - it is enough not to appear in flip-flops and shorts. In any case, you can always check at the hotel reception if there is a dress code. This information is usually in the envelopes in which you are given room admission cards or in the booklets on the bedside table. Also, before you go, it's best to check the place you're going to for safety How Safe Is Aruba for Travel? (2022 Updated) ⋆ Travel Safe - Abroad. That way, you'll have peace of mind about your safety.


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## Mommyto2 (12 d ago)

desperateindenver said:


> i appreciate all the feedback, i do, but I'm hoping to find guidance on how to survive the next month in a hotel


Have you looked at air bnb or vrbo. I mean for the price your going to stay in a hotel for a month you might as well see if you can find a place close to where you need to be. Im sure that you can even find a townhouse or condo just for the month. I would do your research on it at least you will have the comfort kinda of a home. Im sorry your going through this but the others are right to in most states they have child abandoment laws and they usually fall on the father. I had to look it up because I'm into a 2 week abandoment/seoeration where my husband decided to leave.


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