# Men please respond!



## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

So me and my guy have been doing well so far I think- we plan to get together for the holidays. His falls are crazy with kids, football, band and work. Anyways, his bday is this weekend and I know we won’t be able to see eachother due to a band performance trip with his kid.
I mailed him a few things I saw and also added my “panties” ( his faves) in the box wrapped up with my perfume smell all over them.
I thought it be fun, and naughty since we couldn’t “be” together.
He got the package yesterday- he texted me as a soon as he got home and said LOL like the mug and other random items and then said.... I think you left something in there....😂😂

he was referring to my panties.
Well, I got mad and thought- for real?
So I said this was intentional. Guess you don’t realize that.
He said I was being sarcastic!!!!

We chatted a bit but then he was heading out with family for bday dinner. I ended up going to bed.
Should I tell him just mail my panties back? I feel like I was vulnerable and now feel awkward and just stupid.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cant you see he was joking? It was clear to me when I read it.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Cant you see he was joking? It was clear to me when I


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

I guess I didn’t.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

How come only guys can answer? I’m kind of like a 14 year old boy in a woman’s body so I’m gonna take a stab at it anyway, if that’s ok.

When, you said “your perfume” was on the panties. Did you mean your _perfume _or _YOUR _perfume? Cause if you meant your ‘scent’ you probably just wanted him to say MMMMMMMMM, right? Not “I think you left something in there”. Don’t go scrambling his brain by sending him a pair of _actual_ perfume scented panties. 

He’s a guy. They’re clueless sometimes. He was joking. He didn’t know what to say. No, don’t ask him to mail them back. Just ask him if he liked them?

On a side note, if you DID mean it was _your scent_ on them, giiirl keep um on like 3 days and sell um on eBay for like 25 bucks. There’s some sick puppies out there. 😉


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

@Sue4473 I had a different replay typed out about your situation but then I remembered your other threads. 
If for any reason up to and including earthquakes he cancels your thanksgiving break then dump him immediately.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

If you stick to a thread with background about this relationship, you'll get better responses.


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## Rooster2015 (Jun 12, 2015)

I saw him as joking


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I'd think he was joking. He navigated his apprehension on what to say poorly.

Very likely as a sign of the horrible PC climate of today he may have been concerned on how to reply.

And to shore up his reasoning, see what happened? He took a shot and here we are.

He's dealing with undue stress over nothing.

Sue, it's likely best if you'd come right out then, on the spot and verbally helped him and the situation to make it come out as fun, a bit awkward but ok, and it's all great, from you, on the spot.

But it's great you're doing well!


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

I read it as a joke. I mean..there was smile faces in the text. As far as texts....you don't see facial expressions or hear the intonation of voice. In as such don't read to much into a line of words.


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## Thumos (Jul 21, 2020)

He was joking as an open invitation for you to continue to flirt and engage in banter with him, which is something women say they want all the time. He was opening you with a funny one liner that acknowledged the fun sexy gesture on your part and traded it back with a little gentle teasing. You whiffed it by being oddly sensitive and tuned out to his humor. Why?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sue4473 said:


> So me and my guy have been doing well so far I think- we plan to get together for the holidays. His falls are crazy with kids, football, band and work. Anyways, his bday is this weekend and I know we won’t be able to see eachother due to a band performance trip with his kid.
> I mailed him a few things I saw and also added my “panties” ( his faves) in the box wrapped up with my perfume smell all over them.
> I thought it be fun, and naughty since we couldn’t “be” together.
> He got the package yesterday- he texted me as a soon as he got home and said LOL like the mug and other random items and then said.... I think you left something in there....😂😂
> ...


I think he was joking but I could see how that might be hard for you as you very nicely put yourself out there for him. Maybe he didn't know how to respond to such a overtly sexual overture. Maybe for him this was playful banter. Have you done this thing in the past? I wonder what you expected him to say?

Overall from reading your post history, maybe this guy isn't the one. Seems like you are having lots of issues and you are long distance. Maybe it's time to start looking again.

You don't seem very happy. Are you trying to change this guy to make him fit just because he is who you are with? That is unfair to him an it won't work anyway.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

It was a joke... You can say something like, "save them until we meet again." (Heart emoji.) 

My husband is someone who is very sarcastic. Sometimes it's hard for others to really figure out if he is serious or not about a topic. I just know he's joking.

Would any man complain about receiving his favorite panties in the mail?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You haven't seen this guy in many months. It's not a close relationship. Perhaps he didn't know how to respond, and thought the gesture didn't match your relationship level.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Livvie said:


> You haven't seen this guy in many months. It's not a close relationship. Perhaps he didn't know how to respond, and thought the gesture didn't match your relationship level.


I don’t think that’s it due to us having sent videos and being openly sexual with one another. It’s possible that I over reacted,
I have some other stuff going on in my life, and I let this turn negative.., which he was just likely being silly


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

when you do something like that, and i think it was warm and sexy...please please do not exchange comment via text, pick up the phone...you can not read tone over text. honestly there should be a study about how people miss read the tone of the text which leads to fights in relationships


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Sue,

If my wife gave me her panties I would take it as a very good sign, I'm 99% sure he loved it.

I'm jealous.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

TAMAT said:


> Sue,
> 
> If my wife gave me her panties I would take it as a very good sign, I'm 99% sure he loved it.
> 
> I'm jealous.


Thank you ☺


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> So me and my guy have been doing well so far I think- we plan to get together for the holidays. His falls are crazy with kids, football, band and work. Anyways, his bday is this weekend and I know we won’t be able to see eachother due to a band performance trip with his kid.
> I mailed him a few things I saw and also added my “panties” ( his faves) in the box wrapped up with my perfume smell all over them.
> I thought it be fun, and naughty since we couldn’t “be” together.
> He got the package yesterday- he texted me as a soon as he got home and said LOL like the mug and other random items and then said.... I think you left something in there....😂😂
> ...


I could see myself doing what your man did and I would have been having fun with it.

You put yourself out there and were needing validation which you don't feel you received.

He took it as playful fun and was playing back.

I probably would have done something similar but reciprocated with a crotch pic attached to my text and said something innane like the camera slipped.😁


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

He was being light hearted and a little flirtatious. 

You are kind of reminding me of Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory where anything tongue-in-cheek or flirtatious or sarcastic goes right over his head.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

You make too much of stuff. Not everything has to be overanalyzed. If you had thought about his response rather than reacted to his response, you would have realized there is no way in this universe he actually thought your panties fell accidentally into that box.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

StarFires said:


> You make too much of stuff. Not everything has to be overanalyzed. If you had thought about his response rather than reacted to his response, you would have realized there is no way in this universe he actually thought your panties fell accidentally into that box.


That's a little funny.

Who would think, and Sue, that's with compassion, empathy, and hope you're growing and do mostly realize every exchange between any two people isn't a huge issue and mostly all move through those moments. 



You


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Sounds like you wanted to pick the fight. Not good to let external problems effect a relationship.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, you took it the wrong way. That’s why I’m not a fan of texting.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Yes, your man thinks that whilst packing up his box of stuff, standing over it in only your panties, you sneezed and didn't notice them drop over you ankles and into the box.

He's probably on the other end of the line thinking "Man, what do I have to do to have a light hearted moment?"


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

This is funny. If a chick reacted this way and made a big deal out of a mickey mouse thing like this, I'd punt.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You expected the *BIG OH!*
And, got a little ah, ummm, instead.

Worry not. 
He will never forget this gesture.

Clever thing with the panties, send them recently (worn a day), yet visibly clean.
I hope he keeps them under his pillow at night.
I would.

Women have it all.


_The Typist-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Fell off of the fox, into the cardboard box.

Something _King Brian_ would, could, surely, make happen.


_Gwendolyn-_


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Cletus said:


> He's probably on the other end of the line thinking "Man, what do I have to do to have a light hearted moment?"


LOL That's exactly what he's thinking.
Guy can't catch a break.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

geee, really? of course it was joke, playful joke. are you prone to outbursts?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

WandaJ said:


> geee, really? of course it was joke, playful joke. are you prone to outbursts?


A lady asks this question?

Outbursts can never remain in-bursts (long) with all that womanly passion held in.
To do so, would make for a lot of loud burps.

Burps, blurts, with her breath on fire.
Not soon kissable for all the acid released.

May all cold ladies find warm hands.



_The Typist-_


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## Miserable71 (Oct 3, 2020)

I agree with everyone else that he was joking. What guy would not love to receive that as a gift? I personally have a very dry sense of humor and it is frequently not followed by many people. Those that get it though are frequently amused with my comments.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

My first thought was he was joking, obviously that wasn't the response you were hoping for. Is it possible it made him uncomfortable for some reason? Maybe he isn't at that level of intimacy perhaps? Maybe he opened the box and his children were there? 

I realize you are working hard to maintain this (for lack of a better phrase) no contact relationship but is it truly worth it? How long are you willing to keep being disappointed?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

2&out said:


> This is funny. If a chick reacted this way and made a big deal out of a mickey mouse thing like this, I'd punt.


honestly, I would too. Unless I was crazy about her. OP, the more of your posts I read, the more I think you’re lucky to have such a patient man, and I think he might really like you.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> honestly, I would too. Unless I was crazy about her. OP, the more of your posts I read, the more I think you’re lucky to have such a patient man, and I think he might really like you.


You may be right!! Lol 😂😂


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

* Sue4473 *

I think that you are over-thinking things. Sexting is suppose to be off color and teasing.

Why not bring it up again after things cool down a bit. Perhaps tell him that since you mailed him your best panties, you need to go shopping for replacements and ask is he has any styles or colors that he would prefer you to wear the next time you have time together. Tell him that you also need to buy several pair of white cotton ones as you are getting so wet waiting for him that you need to change them a lot.

Get him to start fantasizing about you and your panties.

Good luck.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

If you broke ass in them a week ago, id still be able to smell it.....Maybe he is like me...I dunno...😂

All kidding aside...has he ever done anything(panty sniffing, etc) to justify you doing this? Don't lose sleep over it,...I guess you wanted a sexy response and he flopped...I would just avoid doing it again, so you don't feel like a dope...I get it...sorry...


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> It’s possible that I over reacted,


Completely overreacted. He was clearly joking honey.

And yes, as Andy said, if he cancels Thanksgiving for ANY reason, end it.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Sue4473 said:


> I don’t think that’s it due to us having sent videos and being openly sexual with one another. It’s possible that I over reacted,
> I have some other stuff going on in my life, and I let this turn negative.., which he was just likely being silly


Sue, you gotta be careful here. What he did was normal playful banter, of the type you'd have with someone you were close enough to that there's no way its intent could be mistaken. So pretending otherwise (on his part) is a sign of affection & friendship & that you're on exactly the same page.

Throughout your threads there's been a tendency to seem a little bit anxious, a little bit forced now and then. You need to relax. Things seem to be working out pretty well with this guy! Assume the best of intentions; I think you've known him long enough now that that's a pretty safe way to go. There's nothing to be gained from worrying about stuff like this. Potentially much to lose.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> Sue, you gotta be careful here. What he did was normal playful banter, of the type you'd have with someone you were close enough to that there's no way its intent could be mistaken. So pretending otherwise (on his part) is a sign of affection & friendship & that you're on exactly the same page.
> 
> Throughout your threads there's been a tendency to seem a little bit anxious, a little bit forced now and then. You need to relax. Things seem to be working out pretty well with this guy! Assume the best of intentions; I think you've known him long enough now that that's a pretty safe way to go. There's nothing to be gained from worrying about stuff like this. Potentially much to lose.


Thank you for your advice! 😊


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

frusdil said:


> Completely overreacted. He was clearly joking honey.
> 
> And yes, as Andy said, if he cancels Thanksgiving for ANY reason, end it.


We planned it already, so I’m excited to see him!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> We planned it already, so I’m excited to see him!


All right!


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## curious2 (Jan 13, 2013)

From your previous posts you’ve been upset because he doesn’t really respond when you attempted to move the conversation in a sexual direction- dirty talk, sexting, what have you... You were advised to pull back a bit and see if he might initiate. It seems you didn’t take that advise and that’s your prerogative but I’m curious as to why. I think your current over reaction was fueled by this. I know you are really into this guy and want it to work but you do seem much more invested in this relationship than he does. It truly doesn’t make sense that he has not made time to see you in all these months if he was. I know you say he is busy and I’m sure he is but nobody is THAT busy. If he were truly invested he would make time. I hope I’m wrong and you don’t get hurt.


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

Just about every man’s sense of humor is sarcastic or self-deprecating in some way. My wife is extremely insecure so any sarcastic humor directed at her (like i would a buddy) is taken as a smack in the face. Hence, why I don’t go out of my way to be funny around her anymore. 

You taking offense means you have some wound that triggered. I’ve been in a very similar situation when I’ve gotten care packages. Me responding in the same way led her to feelings of rejection as it amped up her insecurities. You can’t convey feelings via OMG.

It’s no different than if he made a move to initiate sex and you were like “oh you want some sex I huh... _sigh_ I suppooooose we can take care of that.” with an exaggerated eye-roll. You mean it as playful sarcasm, he could see it as obligatory sexual coming and his self esteem significantly drops.

WRT to flirty/sexy texts...

1) Some people just aren’t into it as it’s a huge vulnerability-thing.
2) Is it his work phone? If I was getting/sending smutty texts on my work phone, I’d hate for my employer to find out and get fired for that. 
3) Some people just don’t want that out as it’s extremely personal and once you send it, you have no control what happens to it. We live in an age where your digital history can and will be used against you.

Hope that helps 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

curious2 said:


> From your previous posts you’ve been upset because he doesn’t really respond when you attempted to move the conversation in a sexual direction- dirty talk, sexting, what have you... You were advised to pull back a bit and see if he might initiate. It seems you didn’t take that advise and that’s your prerogative but I’m curious as to why. I think your current over reaction was fueled by this. I know you are really into this guy and want it to work but you do seem much more invested in this relationship than he does. It truly doesn’t make sense that he has not made time to see you in all these months if he was. I know you say he is busy and I’m sure he is but nobody is THAT busy. If he were truly invested he would make time. I hope I’m wrong and you don’t get hurt.


Unfortunately he is that busy!
Today is his bday and he’s been at a UIL band thing for his son. Since 9am and won’t be done till 9pm. Then he’ll drive home tomorrow is laundry, grocery and getting rest. Monday back to work.

right now his Fall is crazy. So the only thing he can give me is calls, texts and attention that way. I hope things get better cause I think we are both worth it


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

aaarghdub said:


> Just about every man’s sense of humor is sarcastic or self-deprecating in some way. My wife is extremely insecure so any sarcastic humor directed at her (like i would a buddy) is taken as a smack in the face. Hence, why I don’t go out of my way to be funny around her anymore.
> 
> You taking offense means you have some wound that triggered. I’ve been in a very similar situation when I’ve gotten care packages. Me responding in the same way led her to feelings of rejection as it amped up her insecurities. You can’t convey feelings via OMG.
> 
> ...


It does! Yes it’s a trigger from things in my past. I know now that he was truly joking


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Sue4473 said:


> It does! Yes it’s a trigger from things in my past. I know now that he was truly joking


Without getting personal (yeah, huge laugh coming up!), what are the triggers? Are they in another of your threads? Perhaps people here can warn you ahead of time of where you're likely to run into trouble. Maybe try and pre-empt the likely triggers coming up. Prepare you ahead of time. Basically act as your therapist.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> Without getting personal (yeah, huge laugh coming up!), what are the triggers? Are they in another of your threads? Perhaps people here can warn you ahead of time of where you're likely to run into trouble. Maybe try and pre-empt the likely triggers coming up. Prepare you ahead of time. Basically act as your therapist.


Just abuse from the past- thinking that all I’m good for is what I look like or how thin or tight my body is. He’s the only so far who makes me feel sexy and that he also likes my mind, personality etc. 
when I start to feel fear or a trigger, I seek to resort to using my body. And get upset 

it’s me I know. I’ve tried counseling but I shut down and won’t release it.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> Just abuse from the past- thinking that all I’m good for is what I look like or how thin or tight my body is. He’s the only so far who makes me feel sexy and that he also likes my mind, personality etc.
> when I start to feel fear or a trigger, I seek to resort to using my body. And get upset
> 
> it’s me I know. I’ve tried counseling but I shut down and won’t release it.


It’s great that you know what your insecurities are. 
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this but using your body is a form of manipulation. You seem to know your beautiful and that’s one of your strengths and that’s probably why you are pushing the sexuality aspect so much in this relationship. 

I think you need to show him a different aspect of yourself though. Connect with him in a different way.


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## hairyhead (Oct 30, 2015)

TAMAT said:


> Sue,
> 
> If my wife gave me her panties I would take it as a very good sign, I'm 99% sure he loved it.
> 
> I'm jealous.


That would have been such a fantasy filler for me.

And he was joking.

Sent from my CPH1979 using Tapatalk


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## Impulse (Jun 10, 2020)

Sue4473 said:


> So me and my guy have been doing well so far I think- we plan to get together for the holidays. His falls are crazy with kids, football, band and work. Anyways, his bday is this weekend and I know we won’t be able to see eachother due to a band performance trip with his kid.
> I mailed him a few things I saw and also added my “panties” ( his faves) in the box wrapped up with my perfume smell all over them.
> I thought it be fun, and naughty since we couldn’t “be” together.
> He got the package yesterday- he texted me as a soon as he got home and said LOL like the mug and other random items and then said.... I think you left something in there....
> ...


Why did you put ‘perfume smell’ on your panties? 
If I received panties from my wife, I’d expect them to smell of her, not of perfume..
I wouldn’t read too much into his comments. Guys can act like total dorks when they get ‘outsexied’ and especially ‘outhornied’ by women.


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