# Please read and give your honest thoughts



## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

Ok so here is my story, my wife and I have been together almost 13 years married almost 10, we had our ups and downs along the road then last summer she told me she wanted to split up and start seeing other people. Well obviously I wasnt happy I was very upset but what can I do she saw several different men I saw a couple women but I wasnt over her so I couldnt enjoy it. So heres where things get interesting we got to the point we talked about who we were seeing even exchanging pics of the others dates. I knew she met this guy off Plenty of fish so me being me I looked him up, I went as far as making a fake female profile used some blonde bimbos pics on there and made contact with him. Well it turned out the guy was like most a perv sent me **** pics right away for one, then kept talking sex and sex. So I got him to talk about my wife to me and he said alot of things about her even that they had sex twice which she denies and I believe her, so I kept probing and probing and sure enough he even sent me pictures of my wife that she had sent him. Most were just posing face pics but one in particular that bugged me was her bent over our bed in front of a mirror with her ass in the mirror and her face also in the pic. I had some family look the guy up he had a couple domestic abuse charges that he had hit her on different occasions, he had stalking charges and injury to a child to where he hit his child when he was in an altercation with his ex wife even. So not only was this guy a perv, but a wife beater and in my eyes saw my wife as nothing more than a piece of ass. So I wanted to stop the relationship I couldnt tell her she would get mad so I put my wifes pic she sent him of her and her ass on craigslist under rant and rave wrote her name in the heading and acted like the woman who he had been talking to saying she needs to stay away. I wrote my wife a text asking why her ass was on craigslist she saw was embarrased I erased it saying I flagged it for removal, all that day I posted several other posts on craigslist about her posing as this woman, one in particular was about her stomach which she is insecure about shes had 3 kids. Anyway I eventually as this woman start talking with my wife on google chat and keep talking to the guy too as her as well this continued on several weeks my wife told me all about this and showed me some of the chats they exchanged. Basically all my chats to my wife as this woman were about not seeing this guy hes bad news I then told her I was his ex and he hit me. So my wife was really really stressed over the situation like bad but I didnt stop it. Then my wife asked me to dinner one night we went out she showed me texts her and the woman exchanged she was stressed after dinner we talked in the car for a while I offered to go home and give her a massage which we did and also ended up having sex. So for the next while things got better between us I would come up regularly she still talked to the other guy too and me as the woman. Finally she started thinking it was me and I got backed into the corner and fessed up but instead of being totally mad she was relieved, so we kept seeing each other more frequently until finally I moved back into the house. Things got better as time went on, I learned from our break up that I loved her more than I ever thought or showed her I had a whole new appreciation for her and love for her and I wanted to show her. I bought her flowers and gifts on the regular basis which I never did before, I told her every day how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. I felt happier than ever and it seemed she was too our sex life was better than ever everything was great. Once in a while she was moody and brought up what I did posing as that woman saying it bothered her, but never to the point of breaking up. Well last week she tells me she loves me but not IN LOVE, so as we talk more about what the problem is she brings what I did up. She says she cant fully trust me cant fully give me her heart because of what I did and she just cant get past it, its been 9 months and she seemed happy most of the time. So heres what the point of this is we both want to see what non biased opinions are of this situation she feels like she stuck up for me to her parents who saw those craigslist posts they thought it was me and also that she cant give her heart to a man who would do that. We have 3 kids we own a house and I dont want to lose her and I know I am not gonna do that again I had more issues than a broken marriage at the time I also came out at the time all that happened about being molested as a kid by my middle school teacher and that had bugged me and took a major tole on our sex life, since then sex has been so much better but last summer I was in a bad mind with that and my marriage I just felt it time to let it all out as to what my issues were. So people what do you think??? I wanna save our marriage she doesnt know she says she is 99% sure shes moving out after our son is done with school and wants her space not divorce just space. She doesnt wanna see anyone else but just wants space and possibly a fresh start with someone else. Please be honest dont hold back


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

Oh and I did bring up marriage counseling but she doesnt want to pay someone to tell her how she should feel


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Your wife most likely was already involved with someone else when she first brought up the idea of the two of you seeing other people. I would guess that she wanted out of the marriage for whatever reasons and started her affair as an exit affair.

If you can (and you want to know) review her cell phone usage (texts and calls) PRIOR to the date she told you she wanted to see other people

Sorry


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

That was last summer when that happened now she doesn't want to see other people just wants her space and says she is not in love with me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

We are mostly wanting non biased opinions about me setting up the fake profile and stuff and should she be forgiving or not
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

women dont want space from a husband unless there is someone else to fill that space and either she is seeing the guy or is right about to (well 99.987% of the time this is true)

as for the fake profile ive dont it in the past but can also see her being mad.


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

even though you did make a fake profile I doubt you trashed and humiliated her like I did by publicly putting her pictures and talking trash about her online as this person I made up thats what she says her problem is she cant get over it. I dont think she has another man right now last summer she flat out said she wanted to see other people now she just wants her space


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## mattsmom (Apr 2, 2013)

INeedHelp,

Yeah, what you did was pretty icky. However, she is not exactly innocent in all of this, either. It's easy for her to point a finger at you and tell you that what you did was wrong and he can't trust you. Hello? Uh, SHE'S the one that took the trashy pic and sent it out into cyberspace. SHE'S the one that was carrying on with this abusive creep. Perhaps you went about things in a crummy way, but it seems like your heart was in the right place. You found that he was a womanizer with a rap sheet for beating women, and you didn't want your wife in that situation.:iagree: Kinda hard to fault your motives. The implementation sucked, but the motives seem basically pure. I can't be mad at you for it.

Good luck,
Mattsmom


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

INEEDHELPID said:


> even though you did make a fake profile I doubt you trashed and humiliated her like I did by publicly putting her pictures and talking trash about her online as this person I made up thats what she says her problem is she cant get over it. I dont think she has another man right now last summer she flat out said she wanted to see other people now she just wants her space


I think you took it too far, especially with the Craigslist stuff.  It was very vindictive, and I don't blame her for not being able to get over it. Huge violation of trust and it no doubt makes her question what else you might be capable of doing to her if you felt it justified or deemed it necessary. People might think she "deserves" whatever you want to dish out for what she might have done while you two were together, but two wrongs don't make a right, and she's still human. Not to mention, taking it public like that was stepping things up to another level, broadening the field of destruction. The ends do not justify the means. Just my opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Ya, it appears that you did what you did out of desperation. You never wanted to split from her in the first place, and when you realized the guy she was with was a convicted abuser, you took a hard approach.

Let's be honest. You were desperate. Desperate people take desperate measures, and it's not always favorable to other person.

Saying that, I think you are overlooking the major problems here. She doesn't want to be with you. She's not into you. She wants someone else, not you. She says she only wants space this time, not someone else... but in reality, she just doesn't want you and is totally open to being with someone else, regardless if they are already in the picture in some way.

She is saying that "what you did" is why she wants out "she can't give her heart to someone who would do that"... it's kinda BS, because she didn't want you before this either. She doesn't want to be with you, and it doesn't matter how much you want her to want you, this will not change. She even came back, but realized she's just not into you.

If anything, when a man appears desperate, he is even less attractive. It's a HUGE turn-off for women. I would honestly aim for an amicable split from her. 

180, work on your self confidence, start taking excellent care of yourself (exercise, eating healthy, sleeping, career, etc.), and begin to detach.


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

Well thanks guys I like all your opinions good and bad, my main thing is we been back together almost 9 months but things seemed better than ever
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

Also trust me it will never happen again no matter what


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

My point here was not to be shown as the victim because I wasnt my wife was I was just wondering from a womans perspective if you think after someone did these things to you if you think you could ever forgive them and ever be happy with them again


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

tulsy said:


> Saying that, I think you are overlooking the major problems here. She doesn't want to be with you. She's not into you. She wants someone else, not you. She says she only wants space this time, not someone else... but in reality, she just doesn't want you and is totally open to being with someone else, regardless if they are already in the picture in some way.
> 
> She is saying that "what you did" is why she wants out "she can't give her heart to someone who would do that"... it's kinda BS, because she didn't want you before this either. She doesn't want to be with you, and it doesn't matter how much you want her to want you, this will not change. She even came back, but realized she's just not into you.
> 
> ...


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## INEEDHELPID (Apr 30, 2013)

She wants to stay at least till our sons outta school then move out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Again, there is most likely someone else that she's fallen for

I'd bet my paycheck on it


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

INEEDHELPID said:


> She wants to stay at least till our sons outta school then move out
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. She wants to leave now, but doesn't want to hurt the kids. Either way, she doesn't want you.

Understand this - if there were no kids, she'd be gone. As far as YOU are concerned, she's gone. What needs to be sorted out now is whether you can live in a situation where you're together (for the kids), but you're not together. This will require you to STOP hounding her on dating sites, c'mon! That's just lame.

If you can't, the option is too move out.

Your relationship with your wife is OVER. At least for now.


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