# Help, I'm really a noob at dating!



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Ok, so I met a charming and funny guy at a friend's party over the weekend. He'd clearly been in the bourbon for a while, but he was a happy and non-irritating sort of wants-to-dance-but-isn't-inappropriate-about-it drunk. He asked for my number, which I gave him, and I got his in return. 

The next morning it occurred to me that I've never given my number to a guy before. In fact, I'm fairly certain I'd never been seriously asked for it. Until my divorce last year, I'd been in a relationship with the same man since I was 15! I've never even been out on a date with a guy who wasn't already my boyfriend.  

At any rate, he did call the next morning. He was _seriously_ apologetic about his level of inebriation. We chatted for probably 20 minutes, and he asked if it would be okay if he called me again some time. I told him I'd like that. 

So, I have zero experience here. Am I supposed to call/text him to signal that I return his interest? I just don't know how this works, real world. Yes, it's fine if I never hear from him again. But I don't want to not hear from him just because I was supposed to do something here and didn't. 

And, yes, I do realize how much like a naïve tween I sound. Sorry. :slap:


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Be yourself and do whatever you feel like doing. If you want to shoot him a text, do it. If you want to call him, do it. If you want to wait a couple days and see what happens, do that. Don't try and plan it out or play a cat & mouse game. Just go with your gut. Good luck!


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

lol - You were doing great until you started thinking about it. There's a clue there. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

Flying_Dutchman said:


> lol - You were doing great until you started thinking about it. There's a clue there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This 

You already know what to do, I'm sure.

In case you don't, send him a little text about how nice your convo was and you're looking forward to seeing him again. In your own words.

X,

Rowan


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

EasyPartner said:


> This
> 
> *You already know what to do, I'm sure.*
> 
> ...


Thanks, guys! 

Sadly, no, to the bold. It quite honestly took over 3 days for it even to occur to me that there was any possibility that I should maybe call or text. I literally have no more idea how all this works than your average sheltered 15 year old, am naturally extremely reserved, and have spent over 20 years in a relationship where initiating contact in that way would _not_ have been well received. 

Like I said: Noob.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Well, this is THE perfect weekend to get out and do something. With tree lighting ceremonies and the arrival of Santa, pop him a text to invite him for a cup of hot cocoa. 

And bring a flask with you...


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## dajam (Jul 14, 2014)

Here is a thought, I am on the other side of this, as a guy out of a LTR and never dated, so even asking a girl out is new to me. Been divorced for a couple of years. 

I over think this dating thing all the time. 

My best advice is from my mom's boyfriend, very simple and straight forward.... He is 91 and has his act together. simply said, is either Sh_t or get off the pot. Make the decision and move on., life is tooooooo short to waste time in indecision. 

I should have followed this advice as I did meet a really nice girl and I stalled and him'd and hawed... about calling her.. Now she is moving out of state so I missed the bus.... Rather not think about the ...would of should of... that is all I know about that...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just let him take the lead and have fun, considering he approached you and did the hard yards, he seems like the type who would be in the driver's seat.



> Am I supposed to call/text him to signal that I return his interest?


Nah, with men like him (and me) who are used to approaching, less is best. Do keep in touch with him but don't call/text him too often, give and take sure, but make sure you're not chasing.

It's still a power balance in the end when it comes to dating, you don't want to appear that you're all over him especially this early in the process. Over time the balance of power will shift back and forth like a tennis match, thus the natural 'game of love' (which doesn't include anything to do with playing/games at all - just simple human romantic interactions)


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Rowan, I was in the same exact seat as you. I took the WYSISWG approach (for you millenials, that is what you see is what you get). I was sooo nervous. But it all worked out. 

I let him take the lead, though apparently, I didn't, according to him today! After our first date, I sent him an email with some info on musicians that we had been discussing. It is what I would have done for any friend or colleague. We had about 2 weeks between first and second date thanks to travel schedules with only very sporadic emailing in that time. We didn't text until we had been on several dates and then, it was just a bit here and there.

Take it slow and easy and follow your gut. You have been through the ringer, now it is time for some fun. And there are some very fun, worthwhile guys out there. Enjoy.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Rowan, I feel your angst. Heck the last date I had was 38 years ago! Sure sounds like he's already made the first move, and you gave him the green light. Take Random Dude's advice and let him make the first date. He actually sounds very respectful, wouldn't that be nice after what you've been through.


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