# So lost and confused!!



## 1lostsoul (Nov 15, 2010)

To start off, we have been married for over 4 years with up and downs. We have been arguing a lot and we always bring up the Divorce and leaving each other. I believe that we would have already separated if it wasn't for our son, well for me at lease. 

My question is how bad would it effect my 2 year old if i did decide to leave. Of course i would be in his life and always be there for him. But how much of an effect would us separating effect him?


----------



## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

Your fighting and staying together just for him will affect him just as much as you separating or divorcing. Either decision you make, as a good parent, you will make sure your son has the best life possible.

I hope you understand what I mean - not trying to sound circular here.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Divorce and a parent leaving the home will affect any child, regardless of age. But...you have to weigh the effect of leaving and both parents being happier and better able to parent said child against the effect of staying and setting an example of fighting, instability and lack of love to your child. 

I divorced my kids dad when they were 2.5 yrs and 20 days old. They were affected to a point, but I feel it was much better for them that they aren't growing up seeing him cheat on me, lie to me, yell/scream at me, and other things he did to me. Instead, leaving freed me up to find a man who truly loves and respects me, who treats me the way a man should treat a woman, and who treats my sons the way boys should be treated by their father. 

I'm not saying either of you are bad parents, but staying together sets the wrong example, if you aren't happy and in love. If you part ways, you are both free to find someone with whom to have a healthy relationship.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

It's better to come from a broken home than to be in one.


----------



## Applepies (Nov 14, 2010)

The best situation for a child is to have their mom and their dad. Here's a way to stop the arguing, there is a book called Fascinating Womanhood that has suggestions for improving your marriage. A marriage is a sacred vow, not to be broken unless absolutely the last solution. Praying for you and your family.


----------



## 1lostsoul (Nov 15, 2010)

Thank you all for the advice and words of guidance. We both love our son very much and want nothing more but happiness and great health for him. I think the main root that really bugs me is she doesn't make me feel as if I'm the man of the house. It either her way or no way. She tells me I'm the man and I need to be the one who discipline him. When I do its never right and I'm doing it wrong. Damn if I do and damn if I don't. I can also never pick out the right outfit for him or feed him right. She has a controlling problem and she doesn't see it. 
But anyways thank you all for reading and hearing me vent. I feel like I can not go to my friends or family because they're all 13 hours away. Unlike my wife she has family around the corner. So this is a way for me to vent and express how I feel and the frustrations I go through.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Applepies (Nov 14, 2010)

1lostsoul said:


> Thank you all for the advice and words of guidance. We both love our son very much and want nothing more but happiness and great health for him. I think the main root that really bugs me is she doesn't make me feel as if I'm the man of the house. It either her way or no way. She tells me I'm the man and I need to be the one who discipline him. When I do its never right and I'm doing it wrong. Damn if I do and damn if I don't. I can also never pick out the right outfit for him or feed him right. She has a controlling problem and she doesn't see it.
> But anyways thank you all for reading and hearing me vent. I feel like I can not go to my friends or family because they're all 13 hours away. Unlike my wife she has family around the corner. So this is a way for me to vent and express how I feel and the frustrations I go through.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My apologies, I didn't realize you are the Dad. You are so important to your child's development, and I have to admire you for hanging in there. Your wife is being foolish, taking you for granted and not giving you room for what are mistakes in her eyes.

A way to convey your hurt and frustration is to used "I feel" statements and avoid "You always". Like, I feel hurt when you don't appreciate the way I do something.

Women have the curse of Eve, way back in Genesis, God says, "Your desire shall be for your husband, 
And he shall rule over you.” 
And it's true, we have this huge desire to be in charge, to be in control but that is the husband's rightful place. But boy, do we want it. lol

If you'd like to learn more of God's plan for marriage, google scripture and marriage, there is tons out there. Husbands desire respect, women desire love. It's not in our nature and that's why God has to tell us 'women respect your husbands', 'men love your wife'.

This is also why men mostly don't like cats, no respect. lol

Your wife probably won't appreciate if you show her scripture on her Godly duties as a wife. She might appreciate your Godly duties as a husband, to love her sacrifically, putting her needs above your own. Do you know how good that makes us feel? So loved and comforted. But the plan is for the husband to the head of family. We women try to upsurp that, and it's sin.

I know feminists hate that. God does say we are equal, we have special talents that complement each other in a relationship. His wisdom is far beyond what we mere humans come up with.


----------

