# Did your ex spouse ask for forgiveness?



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I filed and served for divorce 3 weeks ago today after my STBXH decided to stay with the OW and leave me and the 4 kids. We were married for 20 years. 

I was talking to one of my friends and she asked me if he asked for forgiveness. My answer was NO, he's still in the blaming stage. This got me thinking, would he ever ask me to forgive him? 

Did any of your ex spouse ask you for forgiveness? Would it matter or make a difference to you? For me, if my STBXH said that he was sorry and wanted me to forgive him BUT still continue with moving on with his 'new life', I don't think I can do it.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Left With 4.5 said:


> I filed and served for divorce 3 weeks ago today after my STBXH decided to stay with the OW and leave me and the 4 kids. We were married for 20 years.
> 
> I was talking to one of my friends and she asked me if he asked for forgiveness. My answer was NO, he's still in the blaming stage. This got me thinking, would he ever ask me to forgive him?
> 
> Did any of your ex spouse ask you for forgiveness? Would it matter or make a difference to you? For me, if my STBXH said that he was sorry and wanted me to forgive him BUT still continue with moving on with his 'new life', I don't think I can do it.


Forgiveness is a God given gift of strength that we are graced with. Once the gift is receive by the person doing the forgiving, they will know it. Asking for forgiveness and truly meaning what you asking for goes hand in hand with actions. One should not begin to ask for it until they truly are remorseful and work to show that.

I struggled with this a lot the past year. I truly believe forgiveness can be a bigger gift for the one forgiving rather than the one who wants forgiven. 

It is too soon. I can't see how you could possibly forgive him right now. Everything is raw. Forgiveness is a process; it ebbs and flows. Be patient and heal yourself before worrying about forgiveness. Take care of you. Things will work out for the best no matter how much it hurts now.

Weather you believe or not, i am saying a prayer for you because my faith is so strong that i know in time the truth behind forgiveness and your ability to do so will come to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Samsqanche (Aug 24, 2012)

my STBEW ha told me she was sorry for hurting me and sorry she put me through the things she has done/is doing, but never an apology for the actual acts. I don't think an apology would mean much to me at this point. She has a way about her of begging forgivness, just to do it again. 
i dont think forgiveness is a selfless act. i truly believe it is allowing yourself to let go of the feeling and view of yourself as a victim of your husbands wrongdoings. I am unsure if infidelity played a role in your decision for a divorce, as it has mine, but I think the problem with that lies in the cheater, not the person being cheated on. So although he may never ask for your forgivness, it is important for your own happiness and peace to let go of the resentment. Not to agree with his wrongdoings or forget them, but to allow yourself to not own them anymore.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Left With 4.5 said:


> This got me thinking, would he ever ask me to forgive him?


I hate to say it but probably not for a while. He blames you for something as he went off with another woman. Perhaps once he realizes the grass is not greener on the other side, he might say he was sorry.



Left With 4.5 said:


> Did any of your ex spouse ask you for forgiveness?


I got "I need time for myself" which equated to "I want a divorce" from my ex wife. She never asked for forgiveness and looking back, I am not sure she ever said she was sorry for the things she did.

It took me a while but I realized that holding on to the bitterness would keep me from moving on with my life. Althought she never asked, I did forgive my ex-wife. Although it did not mean a lot to her, I felt a lot better.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

Nope...I seriously doubt she's ever considered that she did anything that would need forgiveness. The closest she ever came was when our 14 year old daughter wanted to move in with her adult sister. My STBXW's comment to me was that "She's running away from her problems, like me."

My response? *crickets*


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