# On betrayal



## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

I'm 8 months out from dday, D is final 2/26. There's still pain and until recently I thought it was missing her and our life together, family etc. But I've been thinking deeply about the 18 years we were married, and in most respects it was not very satisfying, emotionally or physically.

I guess when faced with the affair I adopted a sentimental, idealized view of my marriage. I believe that I also have co-dependent issues also, and I definitely put her on a pedestal where she didn't belong. But now I see her selfishness in nearly all areas of our relationship right from the beginning. 

Anyway, I've concluded that the pain (and anger) I am still feeling is simply the betrayal, the way she humiliated me, and the hurt she caused our daughter. The thought of being romantically involved with her now is unthinkable. For me, that's progress. 

Now that I've isolated the reasons for how I feel, and have a correct view of her and what our marriage was, getting past this will be easier. There's no more longing for the past. As always, I would enjoy hearing your thoughts and opinions on the subject.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like you are healing and moving on. That's good. When we love someone we tend to look at them through rose colored glasses. As your love for her subsides, so does rose color.

What are you doing for yourself? Are you getting out, doing things, meeting people?


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

_It sounds like you are healing and moving on. That's good. When we love someone we tend to look at them through rose colored glasses. As your love for her subsides, so does rose color.

What are you doing for yourself? Are you getting out, doing things, meeting people?_


Hopefully that's what's happening. It's been Hell. Definitely had the rose colored glasses on for too long. Biggest thing that has helped me is having my daughter the majority of the time. Staying fit, getting prescriptions for anxiety and sleep, and joining Meetup which is a great way to socialize.

But bottom line, it just takes time I guess. Thanks for commenting.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

So pleased you're seeing reality. I think that's an excellent point you made about putting her on a pedestal and not seeing her and your marriage as it truly was. I think you've hit a real turning point and am so chuffed and excited for you as your life is really going to improve now. 

Meetup is great, so is the gym. Keep it up, you're doing awesome!


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

Looks like you're doing well, Chopsy, based on your recent post. Too bad your way over there, or we might have run into each other at a Meetup


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