# Ready to walk away



## Kdsjrts (Apr 15, 2020)

I’ve been married for 2 yrs. My 3rd marriage at that. I seem to have a patter of finding men that are emotional, physically abusive and controlling and seem to leave all financial responsibilities to me.
1st-My husband has a great job, unfortunately his ex takes 75% of his checks. I got a lawyer and it’s been 2 yrs and we still haven’t managed to get her in court. 
2nd- He has been offered a weekend job with my father that would at least pay a house payment.

Long story short I am drained! Emotionally and financially! My attraction is gone, my desire to build a life with him is gone. I sold my home to get back his home he bought for her that he so desperately said his kids wanted back. I moved my kids lives. I switched jobs, I have given up everything. 
I get nothing back in return, I can’t even complete a sentence and I’m cut off. I express my frustration and he tells me I am causing issues. He calls me names he calls all his ex’s when he’s mad. He tells me I’ll never find someone that loves me as much and was loyal and not a liar.
Lately I’ve caught him in a lot of lies- mostly work and money wise. 
I want him to leave and get mocks me and says no wonder I’m divorced so many times and all of them must be my fault. then the next day he is crying and telling me we are going to talk. 
I pay all the bills, I want him to leave but he doesn’t it’s alway an excuse. I avoid his remarks and anxiously await him to pack his stuff after work like he agrees and he never does. Why? Because without me he would have to move back in with his grandma and he wouldn’t be able to pay for his truck or his motorcycle that is in my name. I pay it all.
He’s wasting my life. I sounds so mean. I promise you I’m not but I am exhausted. I wanted this to work but I don’t have it for him anymore. 
How do I make him leave?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Hire a lawyer.

And then once he's out of your life, perhaps spend some time working on yourself.



Kdsjrts said:


> How do I make him leave?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Why did you put his kids above your own?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Kdsjrts said:


> He tells me I’ll never find someone that loves me as much and was loyal and not a liar.


ROFLMAO...."loyal" ???? - under what phucking definition can he call this "loyal" ???

And, I can't say whether he "loves" you, or not, but I can tell you this, in the inimitable words of Forrest Gump "....I'm not a smart man....but I know what love is...." - from my country-boy judgment, the only person this guy loves is himself. Far more than he should.



Kdsjrts said:


> He’s wasting my life. I sounds so mean.


I am here to tell you, when this was being done to me, I was so livid, a couple of times I left the house to avoid punching her in the face. And, she wasn't abusive, just completely indolent. By the grace of God, I never did.... and, I know, if it were not for His grace and help, I would have done something I would forever regret. You are quite correct, that he is wasting your life. This is not mean nor evil-spirited, it is just the truth.

Go see a lawyer, now, and PLAN your escape in the way that you can leave this blood-sucking leech strictly to his own financial responsibility.

This guy is 100% classic abuser. It is quite lilkely he was toward his ex, too, that's why the exorbitant, punitive settlement he has with her. You won't get this changed. Just get out.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

My take?

Get a divorce lawyer. Do what your lawyer says to do. Get out as quickly and with as much protection of your remaining assets as possible.

And then go be single for long time. Date, have fun, but don't get married again right away, or even get serious.

3 marriages is definitely a pattern, and one you need to break.


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## Kdsjrts (Apr 15, 2020)

Thank you all! I did ask him for a divorce tonight and he left. We will see if that sticks, usually he doesn’t leave. I normally in previous relationships would be a ball of anxiety right now but I feel like I can breathe. There are moments when I feel bad of course because we are never supposed to give up. 
Luckily we have no assets together in both names so I am able to file myself online. Hopefully he will sign.

@Blondilocks I don’t feel I ever put his kids over mine. I’ve maintain the household and all in it. I have a great relationship with my children. I do however feel that I tried so hard to help him out of the given situation in hopes that would ease some of his depression and make it easier on my kids and I. So as a whole I felt like I was doing right by everyone.
I know there are many things I could’ve done better, we can all be better than we were yesterday but it takes admitting and willingness to improve and that is something I have never gotten. 
Im sure he will be back and make me feel little and not enough. Those are the moments I hope I can stay strong and remind myself I need this. I am thankful to be successful and independent to not have to rely on a man but it sure would’ve been nice to have a partner and teammate. 
thanks again all of you


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Kdsjrts said:


> Im sure he will be back and make me feel little and not enough. Those are the moments I hope I can stay strong and remind myself I need this.


Remind yourself that this is the "technique" of the abuser. Abusers are liars and con-men who "Hoover" their victims back in to the position where they can again abuse and use.



Kdsjrts said:


> I am thankful to be successful and independent to not have to rely on a man but it sure would’ve been nice to have a partner and teammate.


Please, remain successful, and independent. That makes you the best possible partner, and attracts the best possible selection pool. Choose wisely.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Once it’s finally over, take a long time to work on yourself so you don’t end up with another one like him.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Kd, is he still gone? I just now caught this thread. As another three timer, I’m proud of you for not letting this go on any longer. You know you can do this. It’s a tough pill to swallow but now you get a chance to really work on who you are and see if you can figure out why you keep picking these men. I’m trying to myself, I have the worst man picker! 

Stay strong. 


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