# Post divorce: How close do I live to ex?



## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

I'm not there yet but I am trying to think through things, put together scenarios. My last thread here is probably evidence of that. That is just the way I am.

We have two children, one who will be a college freshman this Fall and a boy still in high school. The boy has always liked to have me around to play golf with him, tennis, baseball, pretty much every activity he is involved in. Even though I am in my fifties, I am still a good athlete, something my son is very proud of (and yes, so am I). This summer his relationship with me has matured beyond the teen angst stage, more like father and son than it has ever been. 

If all goes as I feel it will, I will be asking for a divorce soon. My guess is that my son will be living with his mother, probably in the house we have now.

How close should I be living to them? My brother, who lives about thirty miles away, has offered up his finished basement to me until I am able to recover financially and am ready to find my own place. When he went through a divorce, he lived with us for several months, so this is a pay it forward thing for him. I see myself living close enough so that I am available for my children, my son especially, and able to continue to play golf, go to movies, play tennis, pick him up after school, etc.... Is that realistic?


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## Counterfit (Feb 2, 2014)

wanttolove said:


> I'm not there yet but I am trying to think through things, put together scenarios. My last thread here is probably evidence of that. That is just the way I am.
> 
> We have two children, one who will be a college freshman this Fall and a boy still in high school. The boy has always liked to have me around to play golf with him, tennis, baseball, pretty much every activity he is involved in. Even though I am in my fifties, I am still a good athlete, something my son is very proud of (and yes, so am I). This summer his relationship with me has matured beyond the teen angst stage, more like father and son than it has ever been.
> 
> ...


Have you factored into your scenario the very high probability that your son is going to deeply resent you for divorcing his mother and he will not want to "go golfing or hit the movies" with you?

Your wife will likely indoctrinate him on a daily basis that you abandoned her, and your family, in a quest for better tail......(and that is essentially what you are doing)..

This is the road you are traveling down.......you are going to be a broke divorced guy in his fifties, living in a basement, with no time left too financially recover, whose children resent him for hurting their mother and them.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

I have thought about the resentment aspect. And the financial aspect. My gut tells me that the resentment will be short lived and the financial aspect is something that also will be manageable. Do I think it will be a cake walk? No. 

And with all due respect, this is not 'a quest for better tail', so your comment is rude and not at all respectful. My wife abandoned me sexually more than a decade ago, so 'better tail' is not the issue. If you are going to make comments like that, a polite and considerate thing to do would be to find out the facts before delivering an insult.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

To your original question, I would l ive close enough that you will be able to meet up with your son regularly. I live 10 minutes from my ex and she is enough out of my way that we don't ever run into each other.

As for the divorce, that is another issue. You seem like you like to think things through. Make sure that you explore all the avenues to divorce so that you can end up with the most equitable settlement. The internet is a valuable tool. Lots of guys give up everything with the hope that the ex will just go away and they can start over. Do your homework, you do not have to end up destitute and broke just because you get divorced. 

As for the resentment, make sure you have a separate discussion with your son(s) after you discuss divorce with your wife. Explain your reasoning and leave it at that. They will have to make their own decision on how they feel. And your HS son does not have to live only with his Mom, find a place that you could both live. I see my kids 50% of the time and it is great. 

My moral: don't fall on your sword (so to speak) simply because you think it is the right thing to do because you are the one initiating divorce.


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