# Son's being 'taken away' again



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

I really don't know what to do - any and all suggestions, observations, etc., welcome.
Have posted before about my OH & my situation with his house overseas where due to previous friction etc., I'm not welcome - and his desire to spend (what I'd consider quite extensive) father/son time there with our 9yo without me.
So I've finally wised up about my bad effect on our relationship - he's done some bad stuff but I've consistently not recognised what I was 'doing wrong' and largely thanks to some plain speaking from TAM I'm just starting changes. However last night he (OH) rang and said he'd booked 9yo to return from his home airport to our 'family home' airport (where son & I are based fulltime) - son says yes he knew about it going to happen, this was the first I'd been told it was booked. It's a gut wrencher for me because I'd hoped there was a chance there'd be no more 'his house' trips booked until I'd started my changes and proved myself capable of being 'allowed' to his house - even once - at which point I'd have found it possible to be ok about father/son time. Better in our 'family' country, of course, but ..... 
Anyway, I struggled to sound ok about it but did say the right words, he knew I wasn't happy though and ended up saying we'd talk another time. I DID NOT lose it about it, it was him reading my voice right, not the words.
So what do I do? Am I being a wimp just rolling over and accepting or do I accept I've got to go along with this until he feels comfortable with my changes? At what point should he think 'hey this is hurting her and us I can put it on hold'? What doesn't help is the grandparent issue - his mum's been poorly so getting 9yo to see her is more important right now, previously she could travel. My mum, some 20 years older, is frail and hardly ever sees him and yet he makes it sound like his mum is the one in need at the moment... maybe she is. Dunno. I'm so messed up about all this, still. 
HELP!!!


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