# why does he care



## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

I am new here. stbxh asked for a divorce out of the blue in january, we did go to therepy in nov, the only thing he said bothered him to the doc was I didnt rinse out the shower. funny huh. when I seen the doc the next week by myself he went on to ask me if my h was with someone else would I be able to move on, I assumed he knew something. so we continued to stay together january he called me and asked for a divorce. I didnt beg or cry. if he didnt want me i wasnt fighting for him. we have a 6 yr old son and one day after stbx brought him home my son said he met daddys friend and she went to kiss him. so there it was he had a gf. It didnt bother me as much as i thought it would. I snapped out of the fact we were divorcing pretty quick, I didnt deserve it and I know or hope he will come to regret it later and that would be the biggest revenge for me. my son was actually the one who helped me stay strong. He was the one who needed me now. and if it wasnt this girl it would have been another, he wasnt happy so I just let it go. he has alot of unresolved issues from his childhood as his parents divorce was very tramatic for him. his mother was so selfcentered she wasnt there for the kids she laid around woe is me for a couple yrs. planning the next revenge on their dad. they divorced cause she was nuts she would lay on the couch fromt he time the dad would leave for work till he came home, and say she was dying from cancer but the docs she seen told the family she has nothing and needs therepy. so the boys really had no one to talk to. and never got the help they needed to have a stable relationship. Anyway, my son and I are doing great, it sucks that were still living in the house, its on the market now but slow market. stbx doesnt see our son as much as i would like but cant force them to be good parents. but now it bothers him when my son dont want to be with him. my son and I are always out doing something, never home. and stbx hates that he hates when i am in a good mood. last nite my sister came to visit and stbx called son, he heard my nephew in the background and asked son if he was sleeping over, son said yes. so he assumes if there sleeping here i am going out and leaving sister to babysit. so he calls at 8:30pm which he never does. i assume he wanted to see if i was here. and when were out he will call every half hour i dont answer all the time cause were busy,  well the other nite son and i slept at a friends house shes a girl , son likes to play with her kids, stbx doesnt know her, when son told him we were sleeping there he asked where son told him. the next day we got home and my mail from the day before was on the counter. why does he do these things, he had no reason to come here yet he came got my mail out of the mail box and brought it in. He was always kinda controlling, is this a control thing i mean i let you go now go. like when he brings my son home and if my son says mommy why are you in a good mood, my stbx hangs around a while in the house. or one day my son said to him on the phone come to dinner daddy, he was here in 10 minutes. couldnt say no after all i dont want son to think i am the bad guy. I think stbx should have told him no daddy already ate. mabey he just likes to bust my balls, cause if i come in and hes still here i will say to him, are you still here, meaning get out. not mean just dont think he needs to hang here. but if i say that he sits down. We went last month for out first meeting with the lawyers and had to leave cause he didnt turn over all the paperwork he was supose to, even his lawyer told mine she was having a problem getting the paperwork from him, if he wanted this over so fast why the hell isnt he getting things together. he drives me nuts. I think he ecpected me to be like his mother and cry for 2 yrs, I am stronger than that. I look great everytime i see him, he never seen me cry. I lost weight not that i needed to but I like it anyway. size 5 now. and have been asked out from 21 yr olds to guys in their 30s. i am 43. I am just really ready for it to be over now. just wondering if anyone else is going through this.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I really wouldn't be surprised if your stbx's new relationship is cooling off. And now perhaps he is seeing what he is losing. It is curious that he wanted the divorce but is now dragging his feet. It took my estranged husband over a year to turn in court ordered paperwork. It was to the point my lawyer was going before the judge about it. He still hasn't turned over some stuff. However, his motives are much different--he's hiding stuff. I think your husband is just unsure and stalling.


----------



## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

He also was hiding things in the beginning, it took him a few months to just file and im sure it was to hide money. His father is nortorious for that ****. I just hope this doesnt go on forever. he dont live here anymore, I am the one who has to worry about leaving with my son for the open houses, when theres a showing have to leave. I am just looking for it to be over so my son and I can live in peace. when I get my own place things will be different. he wont come in and out all the time. I mean we have landscapers and he comes sometimes and goes around killing weeds. just last week i was taking my son out to my brothers to go swimming, he calls me and asks where i was taking my son that week, i told him to an amusement park, he got silent and asked when i told him then he says are you going with someone, like he wanted to come, i said yes with my brother, he got quiet and said he wanted to bring my son somewhere, didnt no what he wanted from me, a list of things to do i dont no. he dont have a clue when it comes to raising a child, its hard to listen to my son on the phone with him, he has nothing to say to him. that same day he said he would pick son up at reg time which is 5, well later that day i checked my messages and there were 2 missed calls from him no messages though, and like 15 minutes apart, he never did tell me why he called again, i mean i was gonna have son home for 5 i am never late. when i got home there were like 4 missed calls from him on my answering machine. hes nuts. infact as bad as his family is they also say hes nuts and did me a favor by leaving. after 20 yrs together and 10 married you think you know someone. hes like a stranger now. hes a wackjob.


----------



## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

bellringer said:


> I am new here. stbxh asked for a divorce out of the blue in january, we did go to therepy in nov, the only thing he said bothered him to the doc was I didnt rinse out the shower. funny huh. when I seen the doc the next week by myself he went on to ask me if my h was with someone else would I be able to move on, I assumed he knew something. so we continued to stay together january he called me and asked for a divorce. I didnt beg or cry. if he didnt want me i wasnt fighting for him. we have a 6 yr old son and one day after stbx brought him home my son said he met daddys friend and she went to kiss him. so there it was he had a gf. It didnt bother me as much as i thought it would. I snapped out of the fact we were divorcing pretty quick, I didnt deserve it and I know or hope he will come to regret it later and that would be the biggest revenge for me. my son was actually the one who helped me stay strong. He was the one who needed me now. and if it wasnt this girl it would have been another, he wasnt happy so I just let it go. he has alot of unresolved issues from his childhood as his parents divorce was very tramatic for him. his mother was so selfcentered she wasnt there for the kids she laid around woe is me for a couple yrs. planning the next revenge on their dad. they divorced cause she was nuts she would lay on the couch fromt he time the dad would leave for work till he came home, and say she was dying from cancer but the docs she seen told the family she has nothing and needs therepy. so the boys really had no one to talk to. and never got the help they needed to have a stable relationship. Anyway, my son and I are doing great, it sucks that were still living in the house, its on the market now but slow market. stbx doesnt see our son as much as i would like but cant force them to be good parents. but now it bothers him when my son dont want to be with him. my son and I are always out doing something, never home. and stbx hates that he hates when i am in a good mood. last nite my sister came to visit and stbx called son, he heard my nephew in the background and asked son if he was sleeping over, son said yes. so he assumes if there sleeping here i am going out and leaving sister to babysit. so he calls at 8:30pm which he never does. i assume he wanted to see if i was here. and when were out he will call every half hour i dont answer all the time cause were busy, well the other nite son and i slept at a friends house shes a girl , son likes to play with her kids, stbx doesnt know her, when son told him we were sleeping there he asked where son told him. the next day we got home and my mail from the day before was on the counter. why does he do these things, he had no reason to come here yet he came got my mail out of the mail box and brought it in. He was always kinda controlling, is this a control thing i mean i let you go now go. like when he brings my son home and if my son says mommy why are you in a good mood, my stbx hangs around a while in the house. or one day my son said to him on the phone come to dinner daddy, he was here in 10 minutes. couldnt say no after all i dont want son to think i am the bad guy. I think stbx should have told him no daddy already ate. mabey he just likes to bust my balls, cause if i come in and hes still here i will say to him, are you still here, meaning get out. not mean just dont think he needs to hang here. but if i say that he sits down. We went last month for out first meeting with the lawyers and had to leave cause he didnt turn over all the paperwork he was supose to, even his lawyer told mine she was having a problem getting the paperwork from him, if he wanted this over so fast why the hell isnt he getting things together. he drives me nuts. I think he ecpected me to be like his mother and cry for 2 yrs, I am stronger than that. I look great everytime i see him, he never seen me cry. I lost weight not that i needed to but I like it anyway. size 5 now. and have been asked out from 21 yr olds to guys in their 30s. i am 43. I am just really ready for it to be over now. just wondering if anyone else is going through this.


So have seperation/D papers been filed? if they have change the locks if not file! 

It really sounds like he might be changing his mind or maybe he cant believe you are not grieving his leaving or maybe he is just controlling and was hoping to keep you on a string in case things dont work out. 

Anyways it doesnt seem like your grieving his leaving and that you will do just fine without him.


----------



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

looks like he is realizing that he still needs you and with you moving on is killing him. But I am glad that you were able to stay strong, not everyone is as brave as you. I wish you the best!

God Bless!


----------



## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

Yes d papers are filed. I wasnt that strong in the beginning, I did a week and a half of not sleeping and crying while i was alone. It wasnt until my son said to me mommy you havent cooked a nice dinner in a while that snapped me out of it. That night I was at the market and cooking ever since. its amazing where people get there strenghth from. I went through alot with losing my parents so young so that makes you strong to. I figure if it wasnt this gf it would have been someone else, he just wasnt happy, I dont regret not fighting for him. I dont want him back if i have to beg, if he came back to me then so be it. not now of course, I seen his true colors. my son is the one I focus on , stbx comes from a bad divorced family and hes messed up I dont need my son growing up like he did, with no support from his family. He is doing fine to. I am keeping this as normal as possible, we still do everything we used to. like i said were never home. I take him fishing, I go looking for bugs with him, I caught him a garden snake last week and a turtle. none of these things his father has ever done with him. I was always the one who did things with my son, I gave him his memories even when we were together, I can count on one hand how many times his father played outside with him. in the winter i was the one in the snow, and my son remembers all the snow animals i made for him. my stbx got bored early on with being a parent. I can see the same thing happening with his younger brother now. so I say chin up, I loved him at one time he wasnt happy, I hope hes happy now. he can go, I have the best part of him anyway. my son.


----------



## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

bellringer said:


> Yes d papers are filed. I wasnt that strong in the beginning, I did a week and a half of not sleeping and crying while i was alone. It wasnt until my son said to me mommy you havent cooked a nice dinner in a while that snapped me out of it. That night I was at the market and cooking ever since. its amazing where people get there strenghth from. I went through alot with losing my parents so young so that makes you strong to. I figure if it wasnt this gf it would have been someone else, he just wasnt happy, I dont regret not fighting for him. I dont want him back if i have to beg, if he came back to me then so be it. not now of course, I seen his true colors. my son is the one I focus on , stbx comes from a bad divorced family and hes messed up I dont need my son growing up like he did, with no support from his family. He is doing fine to. I am keeping this as normal as possible, we still do everything we used to. like i said were never home. I take him fishing, I go looking for bugs with him, I caught him a garden snake last week and a turtle. none of these things his father has ever done with him. I was always the one who did things with my son, I gave him his memories even when we were together, I can count on one hand how many times his father played outside with him. in the winter i was the one in the snow, and my son remembers all the snow animals i made for him. my stbx got bored early on with being a parent. I can see the same thing happening with his younger brother now. so I say chin up, I loved him at one time he wasnt happy, I hope hes happy now. he can go, I have the best part of him anyway. my son.


So there you have it, the relationship was not a waste of time because it was where your son came from, I was a single parent for many years and guess what, they were the best years of my life.


----------

