# My GF still has feelings for her ex's and is jealous they are engaged/married



## skeptic (Dec 4, 2017)

I'm not being stupid here, right? This is unacceptable? I have plenty of ex's but all of those relationships are long since over and I have NO feelings for them whatsoever. My GF does still have feelings for her ex's, one who was allegedly a totally **** to her, and cried when she found out they were engaged/married. She has been out of contact with them for 7 years because she thinks contact with ex's is inappropriate, recently she admitted it's because feelings could reemerge. How does one hold onto feelings for ex's that long, while being in another relationship for so long? These were teenage relationships a decade ago. She's afraid to even talk to them, one more so than the other, what does that say about her ability to cheat? And crying over them...


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Your GF is not mature enough to be in a relationship, she may never be. She is absoultly the type that will just pine away for what she can't have. Those people are just awful to be in a long term relationship with. You need her to be present in her current relationship with you. Look at it this way as soon as you dump her you too will then become the one who got away and she can pine away for you.

Yes big red flag in my book.


----------



## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

I think it’s possible to hold on to a relationship long after it has died because it’s not the person but the dream that is being held onto. Is this ex the first person she had sex with? I think being hung up over a person where is no chance of getting back together reflects emotional attachment that has not been dealt with. For a woman, sleeping with someone has an element of emotional attachment. It’s not quite only physical. 

Unless she is doing this to make you jealous and get your attention and she clearly has.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

pragmaticGoddess said:


> I think it’s possible to hold on to a relationship long after it has died because it’s not the person but the dream that is being held onto. Is this ex the first person she had sex with? I think being hung up over a person where is no chance of getting back together reflects emotional attachment that has not been dealt with. For a woman, sleeping with someone has an element of emotional attachment. It’s not quite only physical.
> 
> Unless she is doing this to make you jealous and get your attention and she clearly has.


It's possible but it's not healthy, especially when you are attempting to have another relationship.


----------



## skeptic (Dec 4, 2017)

It's two ex's that she's crying over and has feelings for. One she dated from 2005-2009 and the other for a year sometime between 2009-11. She had sex with the first one, not the second one. I don't think she can blame this all on having sex before. The second one is the one she's more upset over. They were best friends from birth, essentially, and dating ruined the friendship. Regardless, they are relationships that ended years ago. She should be long since moved on. We have a kid together. 

She has rarely brought them up before and always seemed to avoid the topic of her ex's. Now I know why. She says she doesn't want to be with them, but if that were true she would be able to talk to them without having feelings "reemerge" and wouldn't cry that they are engaged/married. She isn't crying to me about it, on her own and to a friend.


----------



## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Red flag. This woman (girl) clearly didn't have a good father role model. Walk away from this one. All the hallmarks of a future cheater. Don't say we didn't warn you.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Is she the one who got dumped in those past relationships? She probably has unresolved emotions. She may now feel as if the relationships had continued she would be the one getting married, instead here she is back in dating phase and it pisses her off. Call it immaturity or jealousy, Its a red flag that would worry me.


----------



## skeptic (Dec 4, 2017)

I believe she was the one who was dumped by both. I know she was by the second one, I'm pretty sure by the first one, but that relationship ended and started a few times. 

I'm here. I'm present. I haven't cheated on her. I haven't dumped her out of the blue. I haven't ghosted her. We have been together longer. We have a kid together. Yet she is pining over two teenage relationships that were a series of hurt? She moved across the country, now I'm wondering if the only reason she hasn't cheated is because they are too far away (and maybe wouldn't want her). Lack of opportunity, not lack of desire. Would she even be with me if one of them wanted her back and moved closer? 

She wants to be married, but if after 6 years with me she still has feelings for her ex's... 

We talked last night and she said - again - that she doesn't want to be with them. She doesn't want to talk to them and she doesn't think they have any desire to talk to her. They haven't talked in 6-7 years. She said she's upset because she feels "not good enough". She was with the first guy for almost 5 years, he was a **** to her but from what friends have told her he's really grown up (shocker... teenagers mature?) and treats his fiancee like a queen. She was with the other guy for around a year. They were best friends for their whole lives, dated, decided they were better as friends, went back to being bestfriends immediately and then she moved. The guy said it was too hard and he needed no contact to get over her and was jealous when we started seeing each other. She said she misses the friendship more than anything. And that he was a really good guy and she knows he's a great husband. She stalked his Facebook and looked at his wedding pictures, said that she felt jealous of their wedding. Felt jealous that he's married. And, the kicker, jealous that someone else married him. Then turned it around and said I won't marry her, I won't propose, I think weddings are a waste of money, I think engagement rings are a waste of money, and she's not good enough [for anyone]. 

It feels like a series of excuses to me, rather than just admitting she has feelings for her ex's.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Lets look at this from another direction. 

Maybe she is mature, and that is why she respects that there is danger involved in having contact with ex’s, and she avoids that out of respect for you and her relationship with you.

Also, how much confidence and security does she have to gain from your relationship? She’s good enough for you to live with, bang, and even mother your child, but she isn’t worth you putting a ring on it?

I’m not so certain she’s the immature one here.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Red flag imho. Not just cheating, but for all kinds of relationship issues.


----------



## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

If she can't get over them she can't get into you. 

Dump her.


----------



## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Get a new girlfriend.


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

6 years? Why haven't you put a ring on her finger? Seems like you both are in limbo land and she's having regrets. Did you both settle?


----------



## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

She's not crying over them, she is crying because her ego has taken a hit because THEY are over HER.

Massive, bright red flag....get out of this relationship ASAP.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

If she's a woman who believes relationships should lead to marriage there's a good chance she regrets ending up with a guy like who is marriage opposed. It may not be the exes as a person she misses but the dream of being happily married.


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I'd be inclined to let her move on to the next man and start pining for 3 lost relationships. At the very least postpone the wedding or break the engagement.


----------



## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

If someone has some emotional response to to an ex, be it love or hate, then they are not ready for a committed relationship. If you are not all she needs after 6 years, your ego must be bashed to a pulp. End it.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

If she's not over her previous boyfriends to the point she cries, is jealous of their new relationships, and Facebook stalks, I'd say she isn't ready to be in a relationship.


----------



## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

After six years and a child in a good relationship with talk of marriage, You have every right to be upset of this. It is a disappointment for who you thought she is and what your relationship is to her if she is crying and even caring about what these guys do with their lives. You have a lot to think about here.


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

OP, if this doesn't give you pause, then you are setting yourself up for disaster. Please, please, run the opposite direction. The woman is not relationship material.

It's bad enough that a child complicates things. Don't let a marriage make things even more complicated to extract yourself from.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

skeptic said:


> I'm not being stupid here, right? This is unacceptable? I have plenty of ex's but all of those relationships are long since over and I have NO feelings for them whatsoever. My GF does still have feelings for her ex's, one who was allegedly a totally **** to her, and cried when she found out they were engaged/married. She has been out of contact with them for 7 years because she thinks contact with ex's is inappropriate, recently she admitted it's because feelings could reemerge. How does one hold onto feelings for ex's that long, while being in another relationship for so long? These were teenage relationships a decade ago. She's afraid to even talk to them, one more so than the other, what does that say about her ability to cheat? And crying over them...


Well, I broke up with my first LTR over 30 years ago. And if I stop to think about it, I do still have some loving feelings for her.

At year 7 would I have been upset to find out she was engaged? Perhaps I would.


----------



## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

I still have feelings for both of my ex’s, however there is no way I would never get back together with them.

Sounds to me like she is having self esteem issues and feeling insecure because she wants to get married as well and is upset that she is not. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## skeptic (Dec 4, 2017)

We haven’t married because there is no point. We have lived together for 5 years. We have a kid. We share finances. Marriage wouldn’t change anything and is just a religious practise. We aren’t religious. She wants a big(Ish) wedding, which is ridiculous to me. It’s a huge waste of money and we are already basically married. It’s a piece of paper. We’ve talked about going to city hall and doing it that way, but she doesn’t want to be married that way. She’s holding out for a “real” wedding. 

I planned on proposing 3 year ago, some stuff happened and it hasn’t been on the to do list. My mind changed on marriage, no on her. There is just no point to get married. She knew that I was going to propose, a friend told her. She thinks she isn’t worth marrying. 

Neither of us settled. We aren’t in a slump. We’re just not going to waste tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding to get a piece of paper. Legally we are no different married or not. Marriage would change nothing in our life except we’d be out money. 

Not proposing or marrying doesn’t make our relationship any less. Nor should she not be able to let go of her ex’s. What, we marry and she instantly drops all thoughts of her ex’s that she should have dropped years ago? 

I no longer feel like I can trust her. She wants other men so bad, if they snapped their fingers would she go back to them? She has never said she still has feelings for her ex’s before and it never showed. Those feelings don’t just pop up out of nowhere to the point of crying. So she’s great at hiding things. I went to read through her messages and her texts had been cleared, her Facebook messages had been cleared and her internet history had been cleared. How am I suppose to trust that? 

In a break up we would have all the same struggles that a married couple has, it's not as simple as just walking away. She's getting herself pretty darn close to it though.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Spicy said:


> Lets look at this from another direction.
> 
> Maybe she is mature, and that is why she respects that there is danger involved in having contact with ex’s, and she avoids that out of respect for you and her relationship with you.
> 
> ...


Wow!

Ah, Spicy, this viewpoint turned a page in my mind. You flipped me to your side.

OP, the fact that you have not put a decent ring on her finger, married her, makes her pine for 'the other' could haves.
She as much as said it. She feels no one values her highly.

Sounds like the women loves for life.
A good quality.
A dangerous quality if you are not 'high' on her love list.

You need to sit down with her and sort out both of your' feelings and future plans.


----------



## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

From what you say, I don’t think you’re necessarily heading for divorce. Your girlfriend feels like “she is not good enough”. I think you need to encourage her to go to IC. She sounds like she has deep self-esteem issues. I don’t think it’s the person itself she is pining for, but the jealousy stems from insecurity that she has not dealt with. Your marriage sounds salvageable but you have to support her in her recovery. 

You’re right whether you’re married or not you will still have the same complications upon divorce. I would like to say using that same logic whether married or not you have the sane obligation to support her and get her help. Well, maybe it’s different because you haven’t put a ring on it. 


Ask yourself (ask her) is this jealousy the real issue or there’s something beneath the surface?


----------



## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

I still stick by my red flag warning because I think this woman will have relationship issues down the road but you are kidding yourself @skeptic if you think marriage isn't important to women.

Women are designed to partner, secure that partnership, nest, have babies and ensure those babies are safe (financially, emotionally, physically). That is what is biologically programmed. In society, being married to a man is the way a woman achieves these things an a socially acceptable way.

To deny a woman of what is considered social "security" in marriage, I think you deny a woman a key biological desire, with all sorts of outcomes.

Of course marriage seems stupid to us - we have no primal need for it. In fact as men we want biological freedom. The same doesn't apply to them though.

Is this relationship about YOU or BOTH of you.


----------



## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

poida said:


> I still stick by my red flag warning because I think this woman will have relationship issues down the road but you are kidding yourself @skeptic if you think marriage isn't important to women


??????


----------



## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

pragmaticGoddess said:


> poida said:
> 
> 
> > I still stick by my red flag warning because I think this woman will have relationship issues down the road but you are kidding yourself @skeptic if you think marriage isn't important to women
> ...


It was mean to be ^applause^


----------



## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

Put a ring on it. If it is the same difference to you, but it matters to her then why not do it to appease her.
Marriage is not just a paper. It is 2 people committing to each other. Common law is the government saying you are married in their eyes. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

I don't know how to say it, but you may want to tell her that this fixation on ex's is making you wonder if you are, to steal someone else's line from TAM, "The one she settled for, not the one she wanted"

That's a biaatch of a place to be, because you will always be compared to a "perfect" man in her mind, (one that's never around to make mistakes).

She needs IC, and you do too, to help your own self esteem.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

skeptic said:


> We haven’t married because there is no point. We have lived together for 5 years. We have a kid. We share finances. Marriage wouldn’t change anything and is just a religious practise. We aren’t religious. She wants a big(Ish) wedding, which is ridiculous to me. It’s a huge waste of money and we are already basically married. It’s a piece of paper. We’ve talked about going to city hall and doing it that way, but she doesn’t want to be married that way. She’s holding out for a “real” wedding.
> 
> I planned on proposing 3 year ago, some stuff happened and it hasn’t been on the to do list. My mind changed on marriage, no on her. There is just no point to get married. She knew that I was going to propose, a friend told her. She thinks she isn’t worth marrying.
> 
> ...


See here I think you are wrong. Now this would be an aside from the other issue (maybe). The other issue would be a big red flag. As far as having a wedding though I think all your reasons are because of how YOU feel. You are very dismissive about how SHE feels. When you are in a relationship if you are a good SO you do things for your spouse even if YOU feel they are silly or not important. 

To me this goes with lots of things. For instance your GF my find lingerie and dressing sexy for you to be silly and a waste of money but if you like it she should do it for you. No she doesn't have to but she should still want to because it makes you happy. Same with this. Yes this is a bigger event but the principle is the same, relationships can't and shouldn't be just how YOU feel about things. If it is important for her to have a wedding you should think long and hard about finding a way to do it for her, and even doing it somewhat enthusiastically. Sacrifice or just doing stuff that is not generally important to you is a good way to show love for someone else. It's healthy and bonding. And not doing is at it's very base just a bad strategy. Someone else will as this is a very common normal request that most women want. 

However I say all that and then we get back to the fact that she is sad about her exes, but maybe it really is just about the wedding and not about them. I don't know as this post and you attitude about something that is important to her changes my mind a little bit. Maybe she feels like she is stuck with a guy who won't even think of marrying her and thinks it's silly but she has a kid. After all you seem to scoff at something that seemed to be something she has dreamed about in her life. That is not being a good SO. I wonder if she would have a different take if she came on here.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

poida said:


> I still stick by my red flag warning because I think this woman will have relationship issues down the road but you are kidding yourself @skeptic if you think marriage isn't important to women.
> 
> Women are designed to partner, secure that partnership, nest, have babies and ensure those babies are safe (financially, emotionally, physically). That is what is biologically programmed. In society, being married to a man is the way a woman achieves these things an a socially acceptable way.
> 
> ...


100%


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Your GF needs to be engaged in the “therapy of reality!” Her viewpoint is definitely warped!

I’m sorry, but unlike your GF, I wouldn’t say one damned solitary word to a cheating skank like my RSXW, as my memory of all of the lechery, lies, hurt, and pain caused by her far exceeds the size of my appendage!

And in that regard, I cannot help but feel like I’m fairly normal! *


----------



## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

sokillme said:


> See here I think you are wrong. Now this would be an aside from the other issue (maybe). The other issue would be a big red flag. As far as having a wedding though I think all your reasons are because of how YOU feel. You are very dismissive about how SHE feels. When you are in a relationship if you are a good SO you do things for your spouse even if YOU feel they are silly or not important.
> 
> To me this goes with lots of things. For instance your GF my find lingerie and dressing sexy for you to be silly and a waste of money but if you like it she should do it for you. No she doesn't have to but she should still want to because it makes you happy. Same with this. Yes this is a bigger event but the principle is the same, relationships can't and shouldn't be just how YOU feel about things. If it is important for her to have a wedding you should think long and hard about finding a way to do it for her, and even doing it somewhat enthusiastically. Sacrifice or just doing stuff that is not generally important to you is a good way to show love for someone else. It's healthy and bonding. And not doing is at it's very base just a bad strategy. Someone else will as this is a very common normal request that most women want.
> 
> However I say all that and then we get back to the fact that she is sad about her exes, but maybe it really is just about the wedding and not about them. I don't know as this post and you attitude about something that is important to her changes my mind a little bit. Maybe she feels like she is stuck with a guy who won't even think of marrying her and thinks it's silly but she has a kid. After all you seem to scoff at something that seemed to be something she has dreamed about in her life. That is not being a good SO. I wonder if she would have a different take if she came on here.


I think it is selfish, irresponsible and unloving of her to reject MARRIAGE to him for a big, expensive WEDDING. She doesn't want to be married, she wants to have a wedding...she wants attention. This goes back to the root of my first post on this thread and raises all sorts of red flags.

With the added info from the OP about her clearing all her histories, I think the OP has been wise to not marry this one. He may consider beginning the process of separating their assets and moving apart.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Magnesium said:


> I think it is selfish, irresponsible and unloving of her to reject MARRIAGE to him for a big, expensive WEDDING. She doesn't want to be married, she wants to have a wedding...she wants attention. This goes back to the root of my first post on this thread and raises all sorts of red flags.
> 
> With the added info from the OP about her clearing all her histories, I think the OP has been wise to not marry this one. He may consider beginning the process of separating their assets and moving apart.


She wants a wedding. Big deal 75% of women want a wedding. If he just scoffs at the idea their is a good chance he will end up in the same position. It is selfish to want a car? A nice house? Weddings are a part of most peoples ideas of marriage, if you are going to just dismiss this idea because you have some issue with the whole idea you are going to get blow back. My wife didn't want my sports car, it was something I wanted and we had the money, so we got the sports car. That is marriage.

This is a different thing then her pining away for her EXs (not good), however maybe she is pining away from the commitment of a marriage (most women and many men). Hard to tell now. Also I don't see where there is any cheating.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think these responses are really interesting. So many times on this forum men write that marriage is bad for men, don't do it, you can have a relationship without marriage... Many men also write how they will never get married again. That their future partners will have to accept relationship without marriage.

Now here in this thread, the OP was willing to get married, just not via big wedding. His partner turned that down! She said nope, either big wedding or no MARRIAGE. 

And the advice is not only that he should marry her, but also with the big wedding he absolutely does not want.

Interesting.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Get married.
Compromise on the cost. Set a price that you and her can live with. Invite only close friends and family.

Money comes and goes. Love and a good women, if going, remains gone.
Live life, eff the money.

Don't be a cheapskate.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Get married, but first have a nice long talk about the exes and your take on infidelity. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Clearly, marriage is not just a piece of paper to her and your opinions differ on the ultimate commitment. 

If she wants a proper wedding it's possible without it getting out of control.

Knowing you took back a possible proposal must have hurt her. I'm not saying she's without issues, but it would he a low blow to any woman who was already living and enmeshed with you as if married. Like why buy the cow, etc.... 

Something came up you say and changed your mind on marrying her. What was it that changed your mind?


----------



## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

You will always wonder.

Yeah, gtfo


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

skeptic said:


> We haven’t married because there is no point. We have lived together for 5 years. We have a kid. We share finances. Marriage wouldn’t change anything and is just a religious practise. We aren’t religious. She wants a big(Ish) wedding, which is ridiculous to me. It’s a huge waste of money and we are already basically married. It’s a piece of paper. We’ve talked about going to city hall and doing it that way, but she doesn’t want to be married that way. She’s holding out for a “real” wedding.
> 
> I planned on proposing 3 year ago, some stuff happened and it hasn’t been on the to do list. My mind changed on marriage, no on her. There is just no point to get married. She knew that I was going to propose, a friend told her. She thinks she isn’t worth marrying.
> 
> ...


Marriage may not be a big deal to you, but it clearly is to her. That's what she's focusing on re the ex's, not them per se, but the fact that they are now married. She wasn't good enough for them to marry (in her mind) and now you're showing her that you also don't think she's good enough to marry.

Marriage is far more than "just a piece of paper", and a beautiful wedding doesn't have to cost the earth. If it really makes no difference to your day to day life to get married, why not just do it then? For her?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

skeptic said:


> We haven’t married because there is no point. We have lived together for 5 years. We have a kid. We share finances. Marriage wouldn’t change anything and is just a religious practise. We aren’t religious. She wants a big(Ish) wedding, which is ridiculous to me. It’s a huge waste of money and we are already basically married. It’s a piece of paper. We’ve talked about going to city hall and doing it that way, but she doesn’t want to be married that way. She’s holding out for a “real” wedding.
> 
> I planned on proposing 3 year ago, some stuff happened and it hasn’t been on the to do list. My mind changed on marriage, no on her. There is just no point to get married. She knew that I was going to propose, a friend told her. She thinks she isn’t worth marrying.
> 
> ...


Oh! So it isn't her, it's you? 

Are you projecting on to her? Experiencing buyer's remorse?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Livvie said:


> I think these responses are really interesting. So many times on this forum men write that marriage is bad for men, don't do it, you can have a relationship without marriage... Many men also write how they will never get married again.  That their future partners will have to accept relationship without marriage.
> 
> Now here in this thread, the OP was willing to get married, just not via big wedding. His partner turned that down! She said nope, either big wedding or no MARRIAGE.
> 
> ...


But that's not quite what he said, is it?

He said


> I planned on proposing 3 year ago, some stuff happened and it hasn’t been on the to do list. My mind changed on marriage, no on her.


So he never asked her to marry him. And now doesn't seem to want her?

A different story from the one we originally were given is beginning to emerge.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I don’t have an issue if you don’t want to get married so long as you have always been honest about it. And I wouldn’t marry anyone who was more interested in having a wedding than a healthy relationship so I get that.

In so far as her still having feelings for the x from seven years ago that does seem to me beyond strange. My x wife was once the love of my life and mother of my kids. I feel nothing at all for her. If she got engaged tomorrow I could care less. 

I do have a question. You said you were going to ask her to marry you then “some stuff happend”. What stuff?


----------



## skeptic (Dec 4, 2017)

Wolf1974 said:


> I don’t have an issue if you don’t want to get married so long as you have always been honest about it. And I wouldn’t marry anyone who was more interested in having a wedding than a healthy relationship so I get that.
> 
> In so far as her still having feelings for the x from seven years ago that does seem to me beyond strange. My x wife was once the love of my life and mother of my kids. I feel nothing at all for her. If she got engaged tomorrow I could care less.
> 
> I do have a question. You said you were going to ask her to marry you then “some stuff happend”. What stuff?


We had a child, unplanned. Our relationship went to absolute **** after our son was born. I was planning on proposing at Christmas, when our son was a month old. By the time Christmas rolled around we were miserable, at least I was. Proposing would have been a mistake. We have never 100% gotten it back - though things are FAR better than they were then, only logistics kept us together at that point. 

When we got together we both wanted to get married. I changed my mind. It was a combination of everything that happened, and realizing weddings are a huge waste of money. The cheapest "real" wedding I have been to cost the couple $7000. So many that's cheap for a wedding, that's an absolutely ridiculous amount to pay IMO. For one day, that means nothing in the grand scheme of things. That money could be spent on far better things.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

skeptic said:


> We haven’t married because there is no point. We have lived together for 5 years. We have a kid. We share finances. Marriage wouldn’t change anything and is just a religious practise. We aren’t religious. She wants a big(Ish) wedding, which is ridiculous to me. It’s a huge waste of money and we are already basically married. It’s a piece of paper. We’ve talked about going to city hall and doing it that way, but she doesn’t want to be married that way. She’s holding out for a “real” wedding.
> 
> I planned on proposing 3 year ago, some stuff happened and it hasn’t been on the to do list. My mind changed on marriage, no on her. There is just no point to get married. She knew that I was going to propose, a friend told her. She thinks she isn’t worth marrying.
> 
> ...


You can just get married without spending much money, we did. You have a child together yet you refuse to get married. Its not just a religious practise and its not just a piece of paper. The certificate is merely the legal proof that the marriage took place, not the marriage itself.


----------



## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> You can just get married without spending much money, we did. You have a child together yet you refuse to get married. Its not just a religious practise and its not just a piece of paper. The certificate is merely the legal proof that the marriage took place, not the marriage itself.


And he asked her to do just that, but SHE refused because SHE wants a big wedding.


----------



## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Bride's parents are supposed to pay for the wedding.

Tell her they can have one as big as they want.

But seriously, don't get married if you're miserable.


----------



## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

This all sounds eerie like my life. I just went through our relation working on me. We had some rough patches as she acted erratic at times. I felt she was harboring some feeling with her ex, I felt I didn't want to superimpose this pos in my relationship ship, but unbeknownst to me he was in the back grown. 

Now I feel he was the catalyst of allot of our arguments, he had a baby, she wanted a baby, he got married she wanted to get married. Of course she'll denied the any allegations, but what I know now confirms it all. I was just too hung up on me, and trusting. That and I truly believed she loved me as she displayed rabid possession of me, which created this pull and push dynamics that appeared to work for me and my ego! 

She not a bad person, she is definitely naive, and certainly sheltered by the way she was raised. She just love and trusted this person that played her like a fiddle. Me I lack communication skills and incredibly stubborn, we had kids when I wanted, got married when I was ready.

We didn't spent allot but everyone who was there was surprised on how beautiful and elegant it was, 42 guess, had a good friend of ours make the cake as she's baker. The ceremony was at the park with an officiant as l too didn't want to make it religious, a little quaint restaurant, I hired a local singer and we had a blast. I'm hoping the negative is in the rear mirror now, but I'll shut down any ex's that will try to pop their heads up.

You'll know when you are ready to get marry, you are hurt by how your GF has behave and you feel she doesn't deserves getting what she wants. I would try to open up the communication stream and tell her how all this make you feel. We're humans and as men are taught to put these jealous feeling a side, but what they do is eat away at any rational thought process well for me at least.

Good luck

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

There's something wrong when a person hangs onto such a strong attachment to an old relationship.

My ex never got over her first lover. Issues popped up here and there over the years, and then Facebook came around to provide another avenue for problems. From my experience, it indicates some deep flaw in a person who can't let go of somebody like that. It is not a normal thing, because time obviously isn't helping things resolve. Which means in the future after more time elapses it still won't be resolved.

To me it is a big red flag.


----------

