# Riches to Rags



## purplerose (May 20, 2011)

You know how the fairy tale goes... poor girl meets prince and they live happily ever after. NOT!

Let me take you back twelve years ago. I was a widow and had two adorable boys to raise. My late husband left me with a house already paid for along with 12 acres of land and enough money in the bank to survive on and not to mention social security checks that came every month due to my late husbands disability. Needless to say I had no worries. But, I still (or I thought) needed a "father figure" for my boys. I started dating and then to my surprise I met an old flame from 20+ years ago and the next thing I knew we were married. The first 6 months of our marriage seemed like a fairy tale - then I started to notice that our funds were not what they should be.
Then he up and quit his job (not that it was a great one) but I had enough assets to take care of us - so I was not worried. HA! What a fool I was. He soon got another job...the beginning of many, many, many more to come.
This could be a very long story - so let me just sum this up for you. In the 11 years (we will be married for 11 years this July) the following has happen:
*I had AAA credit - I now can not received credit anywhere.
*I sold the house and land (because "HE" could not bare the thought that it was another man's house) and I bought us another house after a 30,000.00 down payment.
*After 4 years in the house I bought - Lost it to forecloser.
*Been bankrupt twice - 2nd one here just a few mo. ago.
*Had our lights turned off at least a half a dozen times
*He has had 14 jobs and has been out of work for a total 10 months in these eleven years- you do the math.
* We have moved 8 times - been evicted twice and now live with his sister and brother-in-law in a trailer and barely making it.
*Have lost 6 cars - there's a ton of stories here.
*Have borrowed money from relatives and been in pawn shops more times then you could shake a stick at.
*My two (now grown) boys are so disgusted with him that they have moved out - so I rarley see them any more - this has just about killed me.

Now, I know that you are thinking what the heck!! - and why has she stayed with him through all this? - I had always believed to take the bad with the good and stick with it - no matter how bad things got. However, I have had too much.
My husband is also quite the charmer - he is very sweet and kind and puts me on a pedestal. But when it comes to decision making and financial reasoning - he is beyond stupid in this area.(sorry, had to say that).
My family has begged me for years to leave him and now I have a chance to do so - but will have to wait til the end of summer before I can make my move. Meanwhile, I'm having to act as if everything is fine and dandy on my part. 
Why? 
My husband is not one to talk to about anything concerning responsibilities. He does not want a part in it. I have tried to talk to him about our issues and he'll either lock himself in our room and go to sleep or he'll leave and go to his parents - so I have learned the hard way - just don't talk to him and do the best I could with what little money that comes in.
I do love him - But I can no longer live this way - I have made my decision (I'm scared) - I guess I just want to hear from others and their opinion on this. 

PS...Am I crazy for still loving him?


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

I have learned that you can love somebody, but sometimes you can't live with them. We've had a tough time too, but it's because of medical bills and some things that have happened to us that are technically illegal, but that can take years to get the state to investigave and straighten out, if ever. In your case, he locks himself in a room and you fend for yourself and the kids for basics? I'm sorry to tell you this, but it sounds like he has some emotional issues. Those are normal adult responsibilities. Don't be blind! He quit his job after he saw your money? That said it all right there. What kind of a man, takes a dead father's money and the food out of the children's mouth? What kind of a man quits a job when there are children to feed? I've had jobs I didn't like before, but I never quit, because I had to pay the rent. Seriously, take your chance, go and try and work out your relationshiip with your sons. I think removing yourself from the situation will help you see the light.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can relate. My estranged husband destroyed everything we worked for when he started cheating. Back in 2006 we had nearly two million in assets, a thriving business which provided net income over $300K annually, and the respect of a community. Well, when the estranged husband started seeing all of his 20 something year old women in 2006, he told me I knew nothing about running a business. I must have been doing something right. Here it is now 2011 and I have lost almost everything due to him.

My regret is that I didn't do something proactive with him in 2006 when his irresponsibly began. Therefore, my advice to you is to GET OUT NOW. Don't put it off any longer. Go to family and friends for help if you need to. Your first priority must be with reestablishing your relationship with your sons though. You'll find this will be easier than you think once you have great people in your corner.

Hope things get better for you.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

*He's a parasite.* He is not a man. This is not what a man does. A man doesn't put his wife in the street because he can't be bothered being a man.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

You can love him all you want but I suggest you do it from a distance. The farther the better. Wow. This guy is a walking disaster.


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## purplerose (May 20, 2011)

I to once had respect of the community - but as the years have gone by I have lost respect. People who use to look up to me now won't even share the time of day with me. I'm so ashamed of my condition - I can not believe I have allowed it to go this far - I kept fooling myself -thinking it was going to get better. I have so many regrets - I could just scream.


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## purplerose (May 20, 2011)

I also wanted to add that along with this wonderful marriage came a spoiled step-child. I once put a down-payment on a car for him and got him a first-time buyer defer plan (he did not have to make his first payment until 4 mos later) well, One mo. before his first payment was due - he upped and quit his job (apple does not fall far)- long story short - did not make the first payment - 3 mos later they came and got the car and we went bankrupt.
And then I kicked out my husband - only to take him back one week later (stupid, I know) my mom and I did not speak for 6 mos when that happen. If I had stuck to my guns then - I know I would not be going through all this grief now. Regrets Regrets Regrets.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

purplerose said:


> I to once had respect of the community - but as the years have gone by I have lost respect. People who use to look up to me now won't even share the time of day with me. I'm so ashamed of my condition - I can not believe I have allowed it to go this far - I kept fooling myself -thinking it was going to get better. I have so many regrets - I could just scream.


That's one of the toughest things to deal with. It really hurts! Unfortunately, I've even lost respect for myself along the way. It was within my power to stop what the husband did, but I didn't. I let things go much too long because I loved him.

My family has stood behind me all the way. Fortunately they are are prominent family and have influence in the community. If it weren't for them, I honestly don't know what I would do. They have made sure people know I am a victim in all of my husband's carnage. And they want me to take my maiden name back as a way to disassociate with the estranged husband. This is why I say to lean on family if you can. They can provide a great support system for you.


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## purplerose (May 20, 2011)

MikeYoung said:


> I have to agree with most of the responses. You must repair your relationship with your sons. You also must ask him to go to counseling. If he will not, then I suggest leaving. I am all about that being a last resort as well. If he will not even try to fix your relationship (let's face it, you don't have one right now), then there isn't much you can do. I am a little curious to know what you mean when you say that you still love him? Just curious what you mean by that.


I guess what I mean that I still love him - is the fact that we do get along (that is as long as money and our living conditions do not come up) I have been with him nearly 11 years its a comfort love - not a "WOW- I'm in LOVE" feeling. I know I'm not making any sense - my family asked me "How can you be in love with someone who has caused you so much grief?" the answer is "I don't know!"

Let me try to explain this way: There are days I look at my husband and I have a moment of wistful romance - he'll say something sweet and loving - and I think to myself "Oh Why, Oh Why can he not be responsible, motivated and think things through before he does them (like today - he's gonna go pawned another gun - this makes the fourth one in a two mo. span - He'll wait til he about loses them - then go borrowed a hunk of change from the reliable brother-in-law and go get ALL of them out)....
....and then there are days (more then the other) I looked at him - and scream on the inside for God to change my life or to please let me go back to the day before I got with this man.
I hope this makes sense - its a wonder the last 11 years that I have not had a nervous break down.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

You could almost be talking about my first husband; he is on wife #4 now. We were late teens, I got smart and bailed pretty quickly. #2 bailed in time to survive, #3 is financially crippled for life. #4 supposedly has some money for now, we'll see how long it lasts.

Your story runs close to #3.

He's a charming, soft-spoken con artist, and a spendthrift. He never paid child support for our daughter, I doubt he paid any for the three children #2 had with him. He was bitter that she got "his" house in the divorce, even though she had made all the payments. He moved in with his sister and her husband, never paid a dime, stayed until he almost completely wrecked her marriage.

It's not going to stop. Only you can stop it. I'm so sorry, but I don't think it's going to do anything except get much, much worse.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I've always wanted to know what the hook is. What is it these losers have to catch women? With women you could take the cynical route and imagine they're nuclear hot in bed. Nasty greasy monkey sex, mad scientists unscrewing the head and re wiring your penis. 

That sort of thing. But with these losers, a part of the story is always "He sucks in the sack too!"

What is it?


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## purplerose (May 20, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I've always wanted to know what the hook is. What is it these losers have to catch women? With women you could take the cynical route and imagine they're nuclear hot in bed. Nasty greasy monkey sex, mad scientists unscrewing the head and re wiring your penis.
> 
> That sort of thing. But with these losers, a part of the story is always "He sucks in the sack too!"
> 
> What is it?


LOL - Actually our sex life is REAL good - that is-- when he's not killing me with it. - Not only have we fought over money - but we have fought about Sex - Me not giving enough - but really I think 3 or 4 nights a week is plenty - don't you? My husband will pout and have a hissy(sp) if I turn him down. 
A few years ago he even accused me of having an affair - because I was turning him down - the reason I was turning him down was because I was having terrible pains in my stomach region - turned out to be my Gall-Bladder - and I had to end up having surgery - during this time (before surgery) I even fake my period (_did this - __because he did not believe that my stomach was hurting ----can not tell you how many times I went on with the *"ACT"* in *PAIN,* so he would not get mad)_ it backfired on me - and we ended up getting into a terrible fight - One week later I was in the hospital for emergancy gall bladder surgery.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

I feel bad for your two sons they are the ones who have suffered.

You know what he is, but still continue to be with him.


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