# Harmless Crushes? (or not?)



## ChubbieOwl (Nov 19, 2011)

I have been with my husband for 9 years now and married 4 of those 9. I knew very quickly that I loved him and wanted to marry him. I am very happy with him and our relationship and our sex life. I love him as much today as the day we got married (well probably more now that we have a child together.)
I'm not here to brag though, I have one concern: Sometimes I develop "crushes" on other men. I work 50+ hours a week managing a retail store and I am constantly around a lot of men and I am the only female manager on our staff, so I am usually "one of the guys." 
Naturally, working around people for long times, I start to get to know them and develop friendships with them. Then, every now and then I start to feel a little more than friendship. 
I will look forward to working with that person, I will sometimes think of them outside of work, or even sometimes fantasize about them. (And by "them", I don't mean a bunch of men at one time LOL, I mean this has happened to me a couple times over the years.)
Nothing ever comes of it, I never act on my feelings besides maybe a little playful flirting, but nothing that would be inappropriate for work. I have never even considered cheating on my husband and all I can think is how badly I would be hurt if our roles were reversed and I found out.
Has this happened to other women? Is it just a normal part of being alive, as long as I can exercise my will power, or does it mean something???


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

I suppose it is ultimately up to your hubby whether or not this counts as cheating.

Personally I dont see anything wrong with it. Its normal to develop crushes and fantasize about other potential mates. as long as they stay crushes and you dont act on them.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I don't think that you can control who you are attracted to at any given time. I feel what I suppose could be "mini crushes" for women from time to time.
What is important is what you do with those feelings.
If there is any question about your flirting, ask yourself this; Would I do or say these things if my husband was standing right next to me?
If the answer is "no" then you are crossing the line.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I think it's perfectly normal. As long as you don't convey anything to the "crush".... then it doesn't matter. Men look at women all the time, they fantasize just as we do. Fantasy is fantasy....


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## ChubbieOwl (Nov 19, 2011)

I look at it this way: I may enjoy laughing or talking to these guys at work, but I don't really know what they are like outside of work, so I can't picture myself trying to create a relationship with them. It's mostly just sexual fantasy. 
The guy that I currently have a little crush on (and the reason I started this thread) reminds me so much of my husband's personality - same sense of humor, same family values, we both have one daughter and they are less than 2 years apart in age, so we have a lot of family stuff in common, which I guess is what makes him seem attractive to me.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I would say what you describe is harmless. To be honest, I have had little crushes on some of our male friends over the years, one even lived with us a short time. These were very small, I mean, they made me laugh hysterically, or some were just plain handsome, funny thing is, I never even hid these things from my husband at all ! He wasn't worried, he knows how faithful I am - just honest in addition , these were no threats to him at all. I didn't really go on having sexual fantasies but entertained what it might be like to be married to them , stuff like that.

Today we really :rofl: about the one crush I had, this guy friend helped my husband built his project truck when we were 1st married, he was a hottie..today he is missing teeth, has a beer belly, alcoholic tendencies, his house is a wreck, constantly changing jobs - hell of a guy with mechancics but other than that. 

Comparing my hubby to him NOW -Oh my - My husband is the Bomb!

Attraction to the opposite sex does not stop just cause one gets married, for the people who say this, I question if they are being REAL honestly. It is what we do with it -after all.


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

As long as you do not take it to the next level, no harms done. However, you must recognize you may have a poor boundary. If you find yourself attracted to any one of opposite gender, your first instinctive reaction should be to wall up your emotion and try distancing a bit. This would be the healthy reaction. 

The only reason you haven't crossed the boundary is that any of those men you have crush on so far has not made any blatant pass at you. With the state of mindset you have, you would be a very easy target to someone with full intention of knocking you down.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You're married. Not dead.
It's normal (and human) to find others attractive. 
Acting on it, however, is where you cross the line.
So maintain your boundaries and don't say/do anything you wouldn't in front of your husband.


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

ChubbieOwl said:


> I have been with my husband for 9 years now and married 4 of those 9. I knew very quickly that I loved him and wanted to marry him. I am very happy with him and our relationship and our sex life. I love him as much today as the day we got married (well probably more now that we have a child together.)
> I'm not here to brag though, I have one concern: Sometimes I develop "crushes" on other men. I work 50+ hours a week managing a retail store and I am constantly around a lot of men and I am the only female manager on our staff, so I am usually "one of the guys."
> Naturally, working around people for long times, I start to get to know them and develop friendships with them. Then, every now and then I start to feel a little more than friendship.
> I will look forward to working with that person, I will sometimes think of them outside of work, or even sometimes fantasize about them. (And by "them", I don't mean a bunch of men at one time LOL, I mean this has happened to me a couple times over the years.)
> ...


My opnion - As long as the person you are crushing on never finds out and you don't act on it, I think it would be harmless. 

TBH - I would believe the playful flirting would be borderline EA... How would you feel if he was playfully flirting with other women? 

Just my 2 cents


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ Good advice


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