# fiance addicted to online chatting, and refuses to stop



## geckos2170

i have been in a relationship for three years, living with a man whose addiction to online chatting has become more important than our relationship. I moved out of state to live with this man two years ago. i knew that he chatted online, but I thought nothing of it really. it was not until I moved here that I realized how bad it really is. He is so addicted to chatting sexually to other women from around the us, that he has created "fantasy relationship" with many women. everytime he gets caught, he either denies it to my face, or tells me its no big deal, using the exuse that they are either ugly, fat, or old. I have caught him numerous times sending picture messages to these women, and to a point where he has texted or phoned these women non-stop. The problem is, he has been chatting online since he was 16 years old. he is now 32. this is a serious problem, and I have been nothing but dumb for staying around. had I known this beforehand, i would have never changed my life and moved here. I cannot stop him, he doesn't want to change, and denies that it is a problem. this has extremely hindered our relationship. last night I found explicit pictures on his phone. when I confronted him, he become irate, and defensive and turned it around to make it like it was all my fault. I deserve to be respected, loved, and accepted. I trully believe if this addition was not there, our relationship would be entirely different;unfortunatly, he is not willing to let it ago. when I gave him an ultimatum, he chose his online relationships over me, a real relationship. furthermore, I am his first real relationship, and I think that is also concerning because he doesnt realize that not one person, at least respectible of themself, would deal with this. I started to go to therapy three weeks ago, and he is not willing to go. I am sure it is because he does not want to hear what he knows already; what he is doing is wrong. last night he told me that he did not want me to leave, but that this relationship wasn't going to work. I am not going to live with someone who wants to be my friend. what the hell is that all about? I am the one that has to pack my stuff, move back out of state, and start my life all over again. not to mention that I have been going to college here for two years now. so do I stay here and deal with him while I finish school for the next three years? I am so confused, hurt, depressed, betrayed, lonely.. I am at a loss.. is anyone else dealing with this, ever deal with this or have any advice? anything would help me..


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## Prodigal

If you move back to where you lived before, do you have family or friends you can stay with? How did you support yourself financially prior to moving in with your bf? 

What you see is what you get. He doesn't want to change. His right. That leaves you to either stay and live with WHAT IS, or leave and get on with your life.

If you tell him you're leaving, he may beg you to stay. But that isn't the same as him getting help for his addiction. I've lived with addicts. I left them both. Neither of them changed once I was gone; their addictions continued.


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## Humble Pie

since you have settled in this new town, is it possible to move out on your own or a roommate? I would definately remove myself from this behavior, and let your husband realize what his is missing when you are gone. 

Your husband is addicted and is in total denial (not that you already didnt know this). If he doesnt want to help himself, show him tough love by removing yourself from this toxic situation. Let him learn the truth the hard way.


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## Humble Pie

by staying in the same town, you can continue your education and also let him know you are ready to re-unite once he agrees that this is a problem and he must get help with the problem.


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