# Tell me I'm Not Crazy!



## LostInLove2012 (Dec 29, 2012)

Hi, I am new here. The funny part of me being here is that my husband has been a member here for a few years and referred me to the site. Lol, not sure how much good it did him but I figured I will give it a shot.

Anyway, I am a BS. My husband had a 3mth PA/EA that ended exactly one month ago. There were a lot of d days in the process, a lot of back and forth between myself and ow while the affair was still taking place, a lot of lies, late nights at work, and pain. Lots and lots of pain. A month ago WH anticipated NC with OW via text and as far as I know he has stuck to it. And believe me I still snoop daily. And up until this past week I have been feeling better about everything. He has been making an effort. He calls me on his way home from work, he posts about our family on FB ( which ow stalked), he even bought u new wedding rings for Christmas as a recommitment. 

But I have that feeling again. That uneasy gut feeling that the floor is getting ready to fall out from me. I keep asking myself, what if they have gone underground? What if he has already moved on to someone else? I can't take this anxiety anymore!! 
Like today I found the little box holding my original wedding rings empty. My first thought was, He gave that ***** my rings! How insane is that? I don't want to feel this way anymore and don't know how to cope. I also feel like i didn't get any closure with OW. She is a spiteful ***** that didn't care at all that she was destroying a family. Didn't care that there was a 6yr old and 6mth old baby involved. I want her to suffer physical pain!! Ugh! Why do I have that gut feeling again???


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## Brianonymous (Dec 14, 2012)

So far I have found my gut has yet to be wrong. Even when it tells me things I do not want to hear. 
I totally understand your desire to make the OW suffer. That'd be awesome, huh? When I found out about OM, I don't think I ever wanted to hurt someone so badly in my life - just to let them get a small, small taste of my own suffering. I think part of our damage is a lack of closure there.
I digress....

Hunt it down. Chase it. Don't let on yet.. You need to become your own FBI. If you find what you are looking for, you have your answer.. If you don't, then you may just be having an emotional relapse.. I personally am having bad bouts of relapsing feelings, because I tend to suppress the negative as much as possible, to attempt and get on with my day to day routine.. It always ends bad, because eventually I do boil over.. 

Good luck!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are not crazy.

It takes 2-5 years to recover from infidelity. You are only one month out from the end of the affair. Panic attacks like this are normal.Where are your original rings? why was the box empty?

Why do you have this gut feeling? Maybe it's just a panic attack. Maybe he's not being honest and you have picked up on it through his body language, etc. 

Have you told him that you are having these feelings?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So your husband knows that you are posting here, right?


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## LostInLove2012 (Dec 29, 2012)

I actually just signed up. He doesn't know yet. And unless it is against forum rules I would like it to stay that way for a while. He doesn't post or come on very often anymore and I want to be able to speak freely.

And I have no idea where my rings are. I will be doing a full search tomorrow.


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## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

It's only been a month. It's normal for your emotions to be all over the place. Give yourself time, it will take years. 

One of the hardest things about DDay is the deceit. You don't trust him. You may never trust him again. 

You will never have closure with OW. Sometimes there will never be enough answers to satisfy the why. 

Your husband needs to block this person from stalking his FB. He needs to end all contact. 

I also feel some of your anger should be directed towards your husband. He didn't care that he was potentially destroying his family. Didn't care that he was jeopardizing his children's future. IMO

Eta. Ask hubby where the rings are. He better not have taken them without asking you. They have sentimental value.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Silverlining said:


> *I also feel some of your anger should be directed towards your husband.*


:iagree:

I'd go as far as to say MOST of it should be directed at him.

I too directed a lot of my anger towards the OM at first,
but soon realized he was only taking what was freely offered to him by my stbxw.


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## LostInLove2012 (Dec 29, 2012)

Silverlining said:


> It's only been a month. It's normal for your emotions to be all over the place. Give yourself time, it will take years.
> 
> One of the hardest things about DDay is the deceit. You don't trust him. You may never trust him again.
> 
> ...


I think I am just starting to reach the angry stage with him. I didn't think it was actually going to happen. I have had the flu all week and every little thing he does makes me angry. I don't know how many times over the past week I have told myself that I don't give a **** any more what he does. And of course I do or I wouldn't be here typing this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Not only do the rings have sentimental value but they are the sole property of LostInLove just as the new rings are.

If he took your rings.. yikes!


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## LostInLove2012 (Dec 29, 2012)

I did ask him and he instantly got angry and defensive. Cause here's the thing.... I swear I had the ring box in the bathroom. Yet today I found the bottom half of the box empty in the driver seat floorboard of the car. Now mind you, I could be wrong about where I had it last. We exchanged rings at my moms house on Christmas. I placed my original set in the new rings box. I was almost certain I brought it in the house and last saw it in the bathroom. It was already too dark out to search the car so has to wait til tomorrow. 
Anyway, he got very defensive when I told him I found the box in his floorboard. He drives the car most of the time. He was angry and asked I I was accusing him of something. Then offered to help me look tomorrow.


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## LostInLove2012 (Dec 29, 2012)

Also, here is my other problem. How do I go about finding out I it is truly over without messing up all the work that has gone into this past month? I don't want to approach him with my suspicions because right now that is all they are. I have not a single bit of evidence that anything is going on whereas during the affair it was hard not to find it. WS is not good at hiding things. And I don't want us to have taken one step forward only to take two steps back if I am just being paranoid.


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## LostInLove2012 (Dec 29, 2012)

Is it horrible that I am scared to death of what revelations that might bring? I want to save this marriage more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. I don't know if I am strong enough to face any more.


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## doc_martin (Oct 19, 2012)

LostInLove2012 said:


> Is it horrible that I am scared to death of what revelations that might bring? I want to save this marriage more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. I don't know if I am strong enough to face any more.


Are you strong enough not to face it? what ever is or isn't going on...is or isn't going on. Would you rather live the truth or live a lie? I believe once tuned in, your gut radar is quite sensitive. I rather like not knowing I wasn't "crazy" and "just paranoid" all this time. It's nice to know you can at least trust yourself when you can't trust them...


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## LostInLove2012 (Dec 29, 2012)

doc_martin said:


> Are you strong enough not to face it? what ever is or isn't going on...is or isn't going on. Would you rather live the truth or live a lie? I believe once tuned in, your gut radar is quite sensitive. I rather like not knowing I wasn't "crazy" and "just paranoid" all this time. It's nice to know you can at least trust yourself when you can't trust them...


Thank you for that. I know you are right. I just never thought this would be my life. I want a do over!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

PM sent!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Just a quick word of warning peeps, until we know that Lost inlove's hubby does not post here anymore it might be better to post anything 'sensitive' as a PM if Lostinlove agrees.

One quick question Lostinlove, why did he post here originally?


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## LostInLove2012 (Dec 29, 2012)

We have always had issues with him and the Internet and every time he gets caught playing around he really tries for a while after. TAM is where he has always come to get back on track so to speak. I wish the Internet had never been invented! Lol


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

One month out and your emotions will be all over the place. Don't feel bad for having them. And the intensity can be pretty scary sometimes. I found the 3 month mark got slightly easier, then the 6 month, then the year mark brought a big corner turned and much more acceptance of the situation. 

Also, don't feel bad for your suspicions and paranoia. He should be accepting of them also, especially as he has spent much time here. He should know exactly what to expect and how to handle all this....and getting angry and defensive at you over the wedding rings is totally unacceptable IMO. He is totally out of order. And I think when dealing with infidelity, anger and defensiveness is a huge red flag. So beware.

He will be knowledgeable on TAM secrets and how cheaters get found out. I think you need to play this a particular way in order to verify his honesty, and his personality and reactions are going to be your biggest tool in verifying his actions.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

LostInLove2012 said:


> Hi, I am new here. The funny part of me being here is that my husband has been a member here for a few years and referred me to the site. Lol, not sure how much good it did him but I figured I will give it a shot.
> 
> Anyway, I am a BS. My husband had a 3mth PA/EA that ended exactly one month ago. There were a lot of d days in the process, a lot of back and forth between myself and ow while the affair was still taking place, a lot of lies, late nights at work, and pain. Lots and lots of pain. A month ago WH anticipated NC with OW via text and as far as I know he has stuck to it. And believe me I still snoop daily. And up until this past week I have been feeling better about everything. He has been making an effort. He calls me on his way home from work, he posts about our family on FB ( which ow stalked), he even bought u new wedding rings for Christmas as a recommitment.
> 
> ...


My first impressions:

1. He is preparing for divorce.

2. He referred you to this forum in the hopes that you will get advice to file for divorce. He doesn't have the balls to do it himself.

3. His affair is still going on. Check for a burner phone and put a VAR in the CAR. Today.

4. He sold your original rings for cash, because he knows that you would get them in a divorce. Are the diamonds in your new ring real or fake?

I could be wrong, but that's just the impression I get.

Your gut feeling is probably correct. From what you've posted, it seems he has gaslighted you and rugswept the affair, and then took it "underground". 

He has a history of EA's on the computer, so you know he cannot be trusted. 

Prepare yourself, and be strong.


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## LostInLove2012 (Dec 29, 2012)

ThreeStrikes said:


> My first impressions:
> 
> 1. He is preparing for divorce.
> 
> ...


Eh, the only one I potentially agree with is that the affair might still be going on. 

First, he has had every opportunity to walk away over the past few months. He has begged and cried for me not to leave him. He has agreed to mc and we have already had our first appt. He is making a real effort with being affectionate and spending time with the kids, helping out around the house, etc.

And the rings aren't real. So they didn't get pawned. But they are no where to be found either. Still looking. 

And yet that gut feeling is getting worse every day.....


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## LostInLove2012 (Dec 29, 2012)

The rings are gone. I am tempted to email this ***** and ask her if she has them.....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There may well be a crazy person in your relationship. Here's a clue: It is not you.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

LostInLove2012 said:


> We have always had issues with him and the Internet and every time he gets caught playing around he really tries for a while after. TAM is where he has always come to get back on track so to speak. I wish the Internet had never been invented! Lol


This is easy. Just don't tell him you're posting here. And don't bring this site up in conversation. Be careful not to use real names, places or exact times when you're posting.

What snooping are you doing to confirm the affair is over? 

Do they work together?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Can't tell you you're not crazy because when a spouse or loved one has lied to you in any way, especially when it comes to matters of fidelity, it's crazy-making. It would be abnormal not to feel nuts under these circumstances. The question is, how confident do you want to be in your feelings, and what level of crazy can you tolerate in your own day to day life before it's not worth the trade-off and given that you've been driven crazy are you seeking any kind of counseling or other treatment to alleviate it and to regain sanity for yourself. You absolutely cannot leave your own sanity in someone else's hands, that alone is the definition of crazy. ;-)


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Trust your gut. 

He wouldn't get so angry and defensive if there were nothing to get angry and defensive about.

That's why we call them "defense mechanisms". When the white heat of truth shines in their direction they try to turn the spotlight onto you - how dare you ask a simple question.


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## LostInLove2012 (Dec 29, 2012)

We just had a big blowout. I accused him of taking my rings and he was honestly crushed. He even called my mom to ask for advice on what to do because he says he doesn't know how to do any more than what he already is. I tried to explain to him that over the last month every time I try to talk about it he shuts me down and I have felt like I had to keep things bottled up inside which then leads to me making up stories in my head where he gives my wedding rings to another woman. I told him that my heart was still broken and that I can't get past the fact that he gave a piece of his to another woman. He's gone now. He went for a drive to clear his head. I feel like I have been running around in circles for months now and I don't know how to stop. I think I am creating new chaos in the midst of trying to get over the past.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

The rings thing is bad news. You're not crazy. You know he knows where the rings are, right?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Sorry. I posted right when you were updating.

So, the ring issue is settled for you?


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## LostInLove2012 (Dec 29, 2012)

No not settled as I still don't know where they are. Today we searched the car and I found the little foam piece that goes inside in my floorboard. But the two rings, the top of the box and the sleeve that goes over the whole thing are missing still? 
It just doesn't make any sense. And I am not going to accuse him of anything else without hard proof because he is doing everything he is suppose to and I won't be responsible for another setback.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, is the OW on cheaterville.com? Post her there ASAP if she isn't.


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## Hermione (Dec 13, 2012)

My spouse stole my rings while he was cheating to "prove" to the OW we were broken up.

It made me crazy. Crazy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hermione (Dec 13, 2012)

And he went for a drive not to clear his head, but to call her. 

Seriously. That's what he is doing. He's gaslighting you, and horribly. He even pulled your mama into the drama
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Hermione said:


> My spouse stole my rings while he was cheating to "prove" to the OW we were broken up.
> 
> It made me crazy. Crazy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is what I think, too :-(.


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