# I ruined my marriage please give me advice



## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

This is a very lengthy post and I really do appreciate anybody who takes the time out of their day to read it and give me insight I don’t have friends that I feel comfortable talking to about this and I don’t have insurance right now so I can’t go to a therapist in March me and my wife we’re having sex we said we would like to spice things up in a marriage so we decided to be open with females I don’t know what came over me it was very weird but I got I thought of her having sex with another guy I don’t know where the feelings came from but it really turned me on If I had to be honest with myself I think it stems from me know when my wife likes big penis I don’t have a big penis I’m about 5 inches before me and my wife physically met when we were in our text in stages she told me she liked my penis I know I didn’t have one so I immediately sent her a picture of Mine she was OK with it six years later we are married with two kids .  I’m not proud of this but once I went thru my wife phone I see her talking about sex with her best friend she was raving about my sex telling her best friend how was mind blowing But even through all that I’m still insecure about the size of my penis I thought maybe if she has sex with somebody with a big penis she would never cheat on me and we will be married forever also me seeing her turned on Really gets me off so I’m thinking I can kill a bird with two stones she gets a big penis she doesn’t feel the need to cheat on me I see her turned on I get off


Now here is when things get crazy like I said this happen in March between March and now we have picked several people for her to potentially he have sex with I rather it be a Guy she has no real contact with To avoid the chance of an emotional connection and her eventually leaving me for him I am in another forum and they basically said that if she leaves me because of it we have problems in our marriage that are much deeper than her just having sex with somebody. Three times it was supposed to happen each time I got cold feet and I shut it down right before happened she would tell me how this is a very emotionally straining she has to build herself up to have sex with another guy when she finally gets over the mental block of it I shut It down 


so 2 days we found another potential guy now she said that she originally met him because he is a TV host in the Maryland area she does wildlife activities she would like to be a guest on his show but she said it to be honest with me she’s attracted So he is a potential guy now before I forget she said she met him downtown DC and she told him about me because I am a music artist and she wanted me to also be on the show I pretty much believe her about that but I knew the situation to get messy because he hit me up via social media sayinh he has met my wife and she told him about me made him talk briefly and I tell him I will let him know when I’m ready to be on the show this was before she told me about him maybe being the guy




I know this is a lot guys I’m almost done when me and her first talked about her Havin Sex with other guys she told me if it was too much for her to handle we will have to shut it down I agree and I said same for me if it is too much for me to handle let shut it down so today around noon she went over to guys house the rule today was. No sex today she just wants to see if he is a cool person by hanging out with him and if there’s a connection I agreeD around 5 PM which means she was there for about five hours I texted her I told her if this thing is going to work she needs to Be considerate of my feelings I told her that I don’t like the fact that she’s been over there for five hours she told me that everything’s OK she loves me and I have nothing to worry about I ask for the did they have sex she said no I asked did he try she said yes and he was exposed to her She said to be quite honest she does want to have sex but she is not going to overstep the boundaries we said no sex first day she’s going to keep it that way asked if they do anything oral she said yes he licked her ******* that really made me mad because sex is sex Oral or penetration I didn’t let her know my frustrations I said I would tell her after she leaves she left about two hours after that and I came up with the conclusion that yes this was a fantasy that should’ve stayed in the bedroom I knew I was going to tell her that I would not like to continue this but me trying to be fair I decided that I will compromise because this is the third or fourth time that she has build herself up mentally to do this so I will let her have sex once now I told her this is something I can’t handle I would let you have sex with him once but I would like your business and personal relationship to end oral or penetration I didn’t let her know my frustrations I said I would tell her after she leaves she left about two hours after that and I came up with the conclusion that yes this was a fantasy that should’ve stayed in the bedroom I knew I was going to tell her that I would not like to continue this but me trying to be fair I decided that I will compromise because this is the third or fourth time that she has built herself at midcity to do this so I will let her have sex once now but after the business and pleasure stuff has to end i told her this is something i can’t deal with and she have been left in bed room she did not agree 



That hurt my feelings a lot because I truly know if the shoe was on the other foot she wouldn’t even give me a chance to compromise if this was something that she didn’t want referring to me having sex with other women she would flip again i tried to compromise I said 2 to 3 times but your relationship business and sexual has to She once again she declined me trying to be a good husband because I could’ve said well either you have sex with him once no contact. Even if it’s for business or our marriage is over Me and her are in a tricky situation she still lives in Maryland and I live in Georgia right now but the goal is for her to move down here with our children mid September at the latest early October I think I would feel more comfortable if we were living in the same state for her to have sex with him once and business relationship Continue but honestly I just can’t trust it The reason I cannot trust it is because the first guy we decided to try this with she lied about several things and I think that is the foundation of me having trust issues with her about this I eventually agreed to one time and a business relationship continues she told me the only time that she will be around him is to film that’s it that’s all even though I don’t agree with it I’m just trying to compromise much as I can 


( last part ) The last thing I asked was can we put a timeframe on how long she would be over there and also what constitutes sex is it him having a orgasm and that’s that because to me I think that is having sex with once But she said she does not want to have a timeframe and also from the moment she gets there at the moment she leaves she should be free to have sex with him as many times as she want this is only going to happen once and she has to shut it down she would like to enjoy it on her terms I strongly disagree with that like I said she was there for seven hours today that was very very hard for me my mind was racing anxiety but is through the roof. She basically said she’s going to do this on her terms or we can get a divorce and go our separate ways that hurt me to my core for several reasons because I feel like I bought this into a marriage and we wouldn’t be going through this right now if I didn’t I also feel like a marriage should be more important to have a sex with somebody i can’t get over the fact why does she want it to be more than once if she loves my sex granted we haven’t had sex since 13th of this month but she has never been a. Nympho maniac she can go with out ... i just can’t rap my mind around you meet somebody once and wanna have sex with him 3-4 times a week ( that was her limit before i told her i wanted to shut this down ) I’m really lost and i think my married is over


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

Inviting another person into a sexual relationship usually creates serious problems. It might be too late to save the marriage. This didn't work out like you thought it would, which is typical.

Sorry, I do not have any advice to help you now. Before you suggested bringing in a 3rd party months ago, I would have been somewhat helpful. Now, you two have to figure out what you each want and you do not have much of a say in what your W will do or want in the future. You might have to go it alone for some time.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Handy said:


> Inviting another person into a sexual relationship usually creates serious problems. It might be too late to save the marriage. This didn't work out like you thought it would, which is typical.
> 
> Sorry, I do not have any advice to help you now. Before you suggested bringing in a 3rd party months ago, I would have been somewhat helpful. Now, you two have to figure out what you each want and you do not have much of a say in what your W will do or want in the future. You might have to go it alone for some time.



Yea i think it’s over it really sucks because only reason i agreed to move out of state is because the plan was for her and kids to move down here. Now I’m alone in a city where i don’t anybody i really have to live the rest of my life knowing my marriage ended because i bought person into it. But our marriage clearly isn’t as strong and happy as i thought


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

James01 said:


> Yea i think it’s over it really sucks because only reason i agreed to move out of state is because the plan was for her and kids to move down here. Now I’m alone in a city where i don’t anybody i really have to live the rest of my life knowing my marriage ended because i bought person into it. But our marriage clearly isn’t as strong and happy as i thought


Sounds like you were the one wanting the open marriage with others in it because of all your insecurities and selfishness.
Sounds also like your wife was not too into this when she had to work herself up to have sex with someone else and told you.

No woman wants her man to "pimp" her out to other men, that is not the way women are wired. They usually want to be loved and protected. You dropped the ball on this one and your marriage is over. How can she ever respect you after that?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You really blew it. Big time!

Don't forget your the one that worked her up into this. Now you can pay the price.

Set her free as you have lost all her respect anyways and it's never gonna work again like it did in the past. That's on YOU.

Get some counseling for yourself so that you can come to understand that a penis does not make a marriage.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Wow you have really messed things up haven't you. You opened a can of worms and now you are blaming her? Mind you she should have said no so you are both to blame. 
Its always a total mistake to include anyone else in the marriage, adultery will always eventually have bad consequences.


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## GuyFromDK (Feb 28, 2018)

Hotwifing only works if you have a very strong and healthy relationship before you start. If you don't have that, it will most likely end the marriage.

I can understand why she's mad at you for talking her into it just to be backing out several times, but this shouldn't be enough to end the marriage. If you have no other problems, the right counseling should be able the bring things back to normal. 

It smells like there were problems already before you started playing with this, and that she's more into the last guy than she lets you know.

You need to shut hotwifing down immediately, you simply can't handle it right now, and you blew your chance of ever getting this kind of thing to work with your wife. Don't ever try it again!

Sit down quietly together and have a serious discussion about whether this is worth splitting up your family over, or if you possibly can salvage it - and seek counseling, try to find a kink-friendly counselor who can advise you correctly.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GuyFromDK said:


> Hotwifing only works if you have a very strong and healthy relationship before you start. If you don't have that, it will most likely end the marriage.
> 
> I can understand why she's mad at you for talking her into it just to be backing out several times, but this shouldn't be enough to end the marriage. If you have no other problems, the right counseling should be able the bring things back to normal.
> 
> ...


IF you have a strong and healthy relationship you wouldn't consider adultery.


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## GuyFromDK (Feb 28, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> IF you have a strong and healthy relationship you wouldn't consider adultery.


We are all different, just because this line of thinking is right for you, doesn't make it right for everybody else. You have no idea what people like to do - you'd probably be very shocked if you knew what goes on in your neighbor's bedroom. There are kinky people everywhere, you just don't know who they (we) are


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GuyFromDK said:


> We are all different, just because this line of thinking is right for you, doesn't make it right for everybody else. You have no idea what people like to do - you'd probably be very shocked if you knew what goes on in your neighbor's bedroom. There are kinky people everywhere, you just don't know who they (we) are


Kinky doesnt have to include adultery.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

GuyFromDK said:


> We are all different, just because this line of thinking is right for you, doesn't make it right for everybody else. You have no idea what people like to do - you'd probably be very shocked if you knew what goes on in your neighbor's bedroom. There are kinky people everywhere, you just don't know who they (we) are





Diana7 said:


> Kinky doesnt have to include adultery.


99.99% of people that try this have it backfire on them. They try it for the completely wrong reasons. It is very very clear this event was born of pure insecurities and offset thinking.
It isn't for me and my wife by any means.


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## GuyFromDK (Feb 28, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Kinky doesnt have to include adultery.


No, but it can. And if everyone involved want it and know what they do, then why not?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

GuyFromDK said:


> And if everyone involved want it and know what they do, then why not?


I don't believe they "know what they do" ..... that they can actually predict the consequences of it. Want it ? Yes, I think they believe the lie that this will somehow make things better...... but they are deceived.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

James01 said:


> She basically said she’s going to do this on her terms or we can get a divorce and go our separate ways


You may have originated the behavior, however, this statement comes from her own will and her own choices. A person who is faithful and respectful of his/her marriage will not continue in adultery once the inflicted hurt becomes evident in the betrayed partner.

She can't blame this choice on you. This is on her. Cut your losses..... if she wants a divorce ? Sign the paper.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Hells bells. What a garbled mess.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TJW said:


> You may have originated the behavior, however, this statement comes from her own will and her own choices. A person who is faithful and respectful of his/her marriage will not continue in adultery once the inflicted hurt becomes evident in the betrayed partner.
> 
> She can't blame this choice on you. This is on her. Cut your losses..... if she wants a divorce ? Sign the paper.


I understand your point but I'll play devils advocate: He's bleeding insecurities from every orifice and willingly offering her to "better men". There is a part of me that doesn't blame her.

Sign the paper ..... this we can both agree on. 

Any man with this much "penis focus" likely has a bunch of other baggage as well.

This works both ways....if my wife was trying to pimp me out due to her own issues I'd lose all respect/desire/attraction for her.

Any reconcile will be friend zone for life


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Your marriage isn't a marriage anymore. Yes, this is over. You've ruined it, she's ruined it. 

You are going to divorce. There is nothing left to save. 

I'm sorry but you were an idiot and she is now and unfaithful cheater.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> Hells bells. What a garbled mess.


You said it. I'm not sure what bothers me more, the husband playing with fire, the wife taking advantage of the situation, or the complete lack of punctuation and run-on sentences that makes my brain seize like an overheated HEMI.


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## GuyFromDK (Feb 28, 2018)

I have read your other threads, and as I suspected, you had problems in your marriage before this, among other, you cheated on her. These problems will be magnified tenfold when you invite other people into your marriage. It simply won't work, you need to stop it right away!

This doesn't necessarily mean your marriage is over, but both of you have to be willing to work on saving it. Both of you are to blame for this mess, and you owe your kids to try to get your life back on track. 

And by the way - you don't have a small penis, 5 inches is within the average range, and besides that, it isn't always an advantage to have a big one, trust me on that!


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

^^Thank you BT! You nailed it. I thought this was a troll post by the looks of it...

Just insane. Marriage is toast. Sign and move on. YOU OP need a Psychologist. Find out why you are taking this path in your life, and why you have self destructive tendencies... Seriously. 

Also, forget the penis size thing...You lost out because she had NO faith in you. And she lost her respect for you. You now relegated yourself into blue, beta **** mode. And she finds that totally unappetizing to say the least.

And what is with all this zeitgeist concerning cuckoldry and humiliation crap? It's now like the fad of late?! Weird.


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## Stormguy2018 (Jul 11, 2018)

Well, looks to me like you brought this on yourself. She's gotten a taste of the forbidden fruit and likes it. Can't really offer you any advice, except to say sorry you're in this situation.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Stormguy2018 said:


> Well, looks to me like you brought this on yourself. She's gotten a taste of the forbidden fruit and likes it. Can't really offer you any advice, except to say sorry you're in this situation.


We had a long talk this morning for about two hours she expressed to me her decision is based of him being stable and a young Entrepreneur and business man . I did leave out that I’m 29 and me and my wife for the most part of 12 months have been living separate because of my inability to have show stability. She feels like she would be ahead in life if i didn’t hold her back due to that fact . I barley got out of high school she has a masters working on PHD. She told me the attraction she has for him comes from his goals ambitions 

Now this is something i can live with she has spent last 6 years trying to get me to be a good person and i haven’t . This guy really open her eyes and I’m ok with that i really am we wouldn’t be to this point if i did what i needed to do last 6 years 


She said she still is going over there but she is putting her feelings first and she never has it’s always been mine and she said that me and her will talk tonight on weather we should still be married i think that is fair


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

The problem with couples that try an open marriage is always the same story. The W finds plenty of willing partners and the H finds none. The only one that is "open" is the W - pun intended.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Dude, You opened quite a can of worms. 

Did you not ever realize that giving her access to bigger (penis) would also give her more access to attractive men (not just for penis)??? 

You are a musician, (good for you) my husband is a savant when it comes to musical composition, electronic music, plays piano, guitar, bass, drums, and VIOLIN. And he plays all instruments more than well.... I being a singer and piano player thought (I) was uber musical but my husband puts my hobby to shame. 

I am not over inflating my husbands ability. He could make it in the music industry, but to MAKE IT often you need to sacrifice a good many things. Family for one. Stable paychecks....

I dont know if you have gathered yet, but my husband does not WORK and earn a PAYCHECK with his hobby. (sorry, i know you are a serious musician) My husband would be one too, but it does not provide a decent paycheck. He is a nuclear engineer by day, and earns a DAMN good living, and still has the time to create music, but he just does not gig. 

A woman in the relationship earning all the money is a turn off... A man who has a penis focus is a TURN OFF....a man who pimps the wife out for a quick turn on is a TURN OFF.... 

Look, you got insecurity and low opinion of yourself.... And to be honest your actions line up with a real unattractive, and unhealthy man. If i was your wife I would be interested in leaving the marriage and you just gave her leave to test drive some other guys. 

You were afraid of her leaving you....WHY DID YOU PAVE THE ROAD FOR HER? 

This whole thing is on you bro.... Please get into therapy. Got to the gym, and figure out why you did this. Get a steady job, even if it is part time. You need to take better care to share the financial load, you may find yourself divorced soon and paying child support. 

dude... you got bigger problems right now. Dont worry about your wife. With where your head is at you will not do the right thing. Get into therapy.NOW.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK James, fetish aside, you must know that there is something wrong with you and you need help (therapy). You have very low self-worth and self-confidence. Also you need to question your true feelings towards your wife - are you really in love with her ?

As for your wife, if I understand it correct she has already had sex (as you said oral is sex and you cannot really be sure that is all they did) with a man she is attracted to, and is going back for a longer, more enjoyable session.

She says she would do it with someone you both don't know (to avoid emotional attachment) and then she goes ahead and does it with a man you both know, is well known and... someone she plans to work with (and wants you to work with too !?!?!?)

She says no sex at the first meeting and then she goes ahead and has sex at the first meeting.

She says no more sex after the first time and then she is going back for more.

She says that this is to spice up your sex life and then she goes to lengths explaining why she is attracted to him (more than penis size) and is comparing you to him unfavourably.

She says that she has great sex with you and wants to be with you and then she says that she is not sure she wants to be with you anymore and gave you many reasons why she would like to continue to see him.


If the above doesn't tell you that your marriage is not a marriage and that it is well and truly over, I do not know what will.

Stop having sex with her. Divorce and get out of this emotional hell you are in. Get yourself treated and into therapy and start focussing on becoming a better you. Do not look back and do not get into another relationship until you are in a much better place and healed.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

So sorry, James.

What planted this insane wife sharing idea in your head? 

My bet is this came from the porn industry. My hope is that yourself and other men will reject porn and all that it stands for (and learn to love our wives and children more perfectly).

I hope you can reconcile, admit the wrong committed, and move forward together.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

CatholicDad said:


> So sorry, James.
> 
> What planted this insane wife sharing idea in your head?
> 
> ...



Crazy thing happen is she had sex with him today and she said she didn’t want to do it any more and with out a doubt she wants our marriage and she said by her having sex with him ( some one who is a 3-4 inches bigger ) she appreciates my sex more she’s not missing out on anything she said so i feel really great now i think this may have put to rest my insecurities about my penis size ..


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

James01 said:


> We had a long talk this morning for about two hours she expressed to me her decision is based of him being stable and a young Entrepreneur and business man . I did leave out that I’m 29 and me and my wife for the most part of 12 months have been living separate because of my inability to have show stability. She feels like she would be ahead in life if i didn’t hold her back due to that fact . I barley got out of high school she has a masters working on PHD. She told me the attraction she has for him comes from his goals ambitions
> 
> Now this is something i can live with she has spent last 6 years trying to get me to be a good person and i haven’t . This guy really open her eyes and I’m ok with that i really am we wouldn’t be to this point if i did what i needed to do last 6 years
> 
> ...



You have more problems than your sex life. You obviously got together very young, your wife has focus and goals, you appear to have none at all. This is a very unattractive proposition for any woman. How could she have kids with your for example? What exactly are you bringing to the table? Do you work? 
I would suggest you put aside all the sexual issues for now and start working on yourself to get an education, a good job and a future worth something, being a layabout is not good for you either. Why haven't you done something about your own future, why don't you have any ambition, focus, etc? Do you work? You are already 29, how do you expect to build a future with your wife, if you still haven't got your act together. I think she should move on.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The two of you need intensive marriage counseling in the worst way if this marriage has a snowballs chance in hell of ever surviving!

A spouse and the pleasure that she/he brings is strictly for each other and was never ever intended for sharing with outsiders, no matter what!

Please invest in a good marriage counselor as I feel that it might be your only hope to save your precious family!

Best of luck and prayers are going out for you!*


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## Knips (May 23, 2017)

Hello. First of all, a penis size within normal ranges is not a important factor for a wife. If it is too small (less then 4 inch) or too big (larger then 7-8 inches) it can be a problem. Studies show that most wifes are happy with the penis size from hubby, knowing that the average penis size is between 5.15 & 5.50 inches is. But you give you're wife the chance to build up a relation with someone else and so let bring out the problems in you're own marriage. Now you can try to save you're marriage by solving you're own problems and being secure about yourself. Insecurity is the biggest sexual turnoff for a woman.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

James01 said:


> Crazy thing happen is she had sex with him today and she said she didn’t want to do it any more and with out a doubt she wants our marriage and she said by her having sex with him ( some one who is a 3-4 inches bigger ) she appreciates my sex more she’s not missing out on anything she said so i feel really great now i think this may have put to rest my insecurities about my penis size ..


Oh! That's alright then! Disaster averted! Phew!

I was really worried that his bigger penis was going to be a huge (pun intended) problem for you.


NOT!!!!!!!!

Have you read everyone's advice to get yourself into therapy! Your wife just ****ed another man and you are happy that she thought your penis was better!?!?!?!?!?


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

James, you didn't answer my question about where you got the idea to share your wife from (or that your penis is too small).

I'm doubtful you got this idea from your buddies, because who would say "I shared my wife last night". I'm pretty sure these ideas came from porn. You could at least admit that to help other men understand- porn is a lie.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

manfromlamancha said:


> James01 said:
> 
> 
> > Crazy thing happen is she had sex with him today and she said she didn’t want to do it any more and with out a doubt she wants our marriage and she said by her having sex with him ( some one who is a 3-4 inches bigger ) she appreciates my sex more she’s not missing out on anything she said so i feel really great now i think this may have put to rest my insecurities about my penis size ..
> ...



I am happy because we are going to end being open i had a crazy fantasy of seeing my wife have sex with another guy I’ve been asking her to do it for months i shouldn’t have but i did and we are here now ... it’s not like she went behind my back ****ed somebody and said oh you’re better and I’m ok with that ... i let her do it because i practically begged for this and got cold feet each other time this time i said I’ll let her go thru... no the situation wasn’t ideal but at least it’s not means to a end she said having sex with somebody else making her appreciate our marriage more and she don’t want to do it again i feel like other marriage couples have got thru worse but thank you for your advice i come on this forum for negative and positive advice thank you for your insight


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

CatholicDad said:


> James, you didn't answer my question about where you got the idea to share your wife from (or that your penis is too small).
> 
> I'm doubtful you got this idea from your buddies, because who would say "I shared my wife last night". I'm pretty sure these ideas came from porn. You could at least admit that to help other men understand- porn is a lie.



I will be honest unfortunately my dad didn’t keep up with his things. And i was exposed to porn at a very young age i think 5. I developed and very bad addiction to porn by the time i was in middle school. It was routine I’d come home watch it and masturbate it was a everyday thing for me. Even still i enjoy porn but me and my wife sex has been mind blowing and she caters to my foot fetish and just please me sexually any way i want so i have calm down and me and her have had a talk she told me don’t let porn penis make me think every guy is like that and I’m not because she has been in situations where she couldn’t even have sex because it was to small 


I still wish i was bigger but i am going to go to therapy not just about my penis but self love but this whole open ordeal has helped with my insecurities about my penis


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

CatholicDad said:


> James, you didn't answer my question about where you got the idea to share your wife from (or that your penis is too small).
> 
> I'm doubtful you got this idea from your buddies, because who would say "I shared my wife last night". I'm pretty sure these ideas came from porn. You could at least admit that to help other men understand- porn is a lie.



Porn is a lie you can have a average sized penis and still have mind blowing sex. And i didn’t get the idea of sharing my wife from porn but i will say porn directly influenced me wanting her to have sex with other men because i know she was use to big penis and i didn’t have one so i thought she would cheat later on n marriage if she didn’t that’s where the idea originated from but as it start to grow i was turned on about it. I’m also on a hotwife forum and they say men who watch porn are really into it because they look at their wife as a porn star especially if they are really attracted to her and the idea of their wife getting ****ed by another guy is the same as watching their favorite porn star get ****ed so i thank you for asking me this question because i dug down deep to answer and this was theapry with in it self . Keep porn away from kids as much as you can because it can have long life effects


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Thanks, James. All of us have fallen for the lie. You're right, the damage has been done. All we can do is admit it and man up and educate our children and protect them from it. I wish all men would agree and we could make the filth more difficult to get to (or gone from the Earth would be even better ). I think we're looking at a few generations of "damaged" men thanks to the unlimited availability of porn to boys.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Now I'm going to grab some popcorn and watch the porn lovers come to defend their beloved 😄.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Thanks for your help


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *The two of you need intensive marriage counseling in the worst way if this marriage has a snowballs chance in hell of ever surviving!
> 
> A spouse and the pleasure that she/he brings is strictly for each other and was never ever intended for sharing with outsiders, no matter what!
> 
> ...



We are doing a lot better now your prayers worked thank you


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> ^^Thank you BT! You nailed it. I thought this was a troll post by the looks of it...
> 
> Just insane. Marriage is toast. Sign and move on. YOU OP need a Psychologist. Find out why you are taking this path in your life, and why you have self destructive tendencies... Seriously.
> 
> ...







You are very wrong about my wife i would appreciate if you would read this lengthy reply then judge her how you want and give me better advice that would be awesome.


I’m going to clear things up first off i would like to say when i make a post i need to have a clear head and not be in the mist of have a anxiety attack because it seems like i present things wrong about my wife


She didn’t know him for 6 months it was maybe a week and a half 2 weeks . They met because he was passing out flyers about his YouTube show i am a rap artist she does wild life she said my husband raps and i do wild life maybe we can be guest on our show. She was fully transparent about that and this was before anything about sex came in to play. Last week he reached out to me via social media and said hey i met your wife she told me about you being a guest on show me and him talked 


They did exchange numbers. And she showed me their text from start to finish. Is it possible she deleted things yes do i think she did no my wife is the most honest person i met in my life. I have been living in Georgia since August 12th i have asked her a couple times did she find anybody to have sex with since i been gone she said no but told me about the tv host guy and said she thinks he is interested in her because sometimes he strays off of buiness discussion. I went to his buiness page and he’s a attractive guy he is very dark skin as well am i and i know my wife prefers that . I told her if she would like to have sex with him she can this was ALL MY IDEA . Nothing she even asked for . Was i playing with fire yes. Since i was about 8 years old i have been insecure about the size of my penis it has always bothered me i hate and to make matters worst i can not get a erection when i try to put on condoms. So sex has been hell for me my early sex years i don’t feel like my penis is adequate sized i think i am small and i can’t get hard to condoms it’s been plenty of times i tried to have sex and the girl asked me what the hell am i doing but the reasons behind me wantin my wife to have sex with other men is because i love her so much and deep down inside i think she’s gonna cheat because the size of my penis . She does perfer big penis and told me this when we first start texting 6 years ago and like i said i sent her a picture of mine after she said that because i didn’t want to get in a situation where we was about to have sex and she was disappointed my feelings would be crushed but that didn’t happen 6 years later we married with 2 kids 

But back to the stuff with guy since March I’ve been asking her to have sex with other men she said asked if we spice up marriage at first i said i want to see a female eat you out she said really she admitted she’s always been attracted to females . Then i asked about a guy i said hey i know you prefer big penis i think it would turn me on to see you take one she didn’t agree and it took time talking her into it I was being pushy and she finally agreed between March about 4 days ago we found 2 potential guys and they where suppose to meet up see she was gonna see if she had a connection with them then maybe sex could happen In due time after because she don’t like causal sex i got got extremely paranoid and controlling each time and she said I’m driving her crazy i tell her this is what i want she works herself up mentally and then i tell her never mind and act crazy about it 


Now with the guy currently the same thing happen at first but i calmed myself down so Sunday she went over his house to chill and i messed up agreeing to that up because he asked her out for drinks and i said no ... i didn’t want anybody to see my wife out with anybody i am a music artist in dc and very well known . So she went over for about 5 hours . Our rules where no sex the first day .. here is where you can criticize my wife if u want .. she said they kissed .. he had his penis out she admits she resisted sex because of boundaries but she’s attracted to him but I’m more important she also said he pulled her pants down and licked her ******* .. i feel like she was wrong by doing that and i was pissed we said no sex u shouldn’t have put yourself in that situation but she is human i understand I’m not justifying her actions but i do understand but i feel like he was wrong 



later that night we argued i told her i want to shut this down i don’t want to be open any More but for the simple fact over last 6 months this is what i been begging for and I’m putting you thru emotional hell i will let you have sex with him once and all contact what so ever has to stop she didn’t agree she said what about twice and she said she would like me to still be on show and her too one day so she think buiness shouldn’t stop i didn’t agree but long story short we compromised to one time and buiness continues but only during filming she said ok. She’s about to move her and kids to Georgia with me so I’m ok wit that


Ok so yestday morning after Not sleeping all night i called her and said i want to shut it down again don’t do it she said no she is i been begging for this for months she worked herself up to do it.. it’s going to happen .. i feel as if she was wrong our marriage should have came first but i asked myself how would i feel i asked her why can’t she end it what is so appealing about him i don’t understand she told me to be honest he is young he is a buiness man and he is stable she told me after spending time with him she questioned our married because for the last 6 years I’ve held her back and she thinks what would her life be like if she was with somebody stable. And productive which i have I’ll admit it I’ve been a terrible father husband and everything I’m very selfish i spend all my money and watch her pick up slack for house hold she is on her way to get her PhD I’ve been from job to job since we met so i understand what she meant but that’s another story 


So basically she said her feeling this way has nothing to do with sex or even the guy personally but he did open her eyes and she questions married . She said she is still going to have sex because she is tired of going back and forth i told her no you keep saying this is for me then if i say Stop then stop she said this whole idea started because i wanted to see her have sex with somebody she never asked for this but for a fantasy to work both parties need to be on board because of one isn’t and do it sticklty for other resentment can set it so yes this started for me but she worked her self mentally up to do it and she wants to i hate that Answer but it’s the hard truth . I told her if you attracted to him for him being able to be stable and that’s what you need from me the most sex is gonna make your judgment about me and should we continue this married she said if having open sex makes her want to leave me then that’s another issue within it self and maybe it would need to end because sex isn’t her number one concern 


So yes she had sex last night she called me after she told me she’s not attached to him and she don’t want to be open any more she said his sex wasn’t bad but it don’t compare to mine she said i need to stop beating myself up about my my penis size because yes he was bigger but his sex wasn’t on same level as me other females have told me b4 “ hey not to hurt ur feelings but you don’t have a big penis and he sex is amazing “ So i know my wife wasn’t just saying this stuff to try and make me feel better i felt like she genuinely meant it but it’s the situation when u have a pretty girl who thinks she ugly for her own reasons yes she’s beautiful yes people tell hers she’s beautiful but if she’s don’t feel beautiful then it don’t matter same situation with me and my penis .. b4 i go on I want to be clear sometimes my penis. Has got hard with a condom and I’ve had sex more times then not this isn’t the case I’ve had raw sex more than condom sex n my life but was tested first but back to my wife she said she don’t want to experience that again she said she values our sexually relationship a lot more and she really hope when she brings herself and kids to Atlanta i get my **** together and be the man she knows i be . I need Therapy for self love and other things i plan on getting it keeping a stable job i have a Cdl so work isn’t hard to find i just want to change my life around for my wife and kids 

The end


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

CatholicDad said:


> Now I'm going to grab some popcorn and watch the porn lovers come to defend their beloved 😄.



I don’t even want to watch it again smh u really open my eyes


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

James,

You also have the issue of STDs, viruses can get past a condom, if indeed they even used one. Often people lie about it. Was the guy or guys she was with married?

You need to think about the future there is a long term component to this and just waving your hands and saying you've recovered does not deal with the mind movies you will see for years and the distrust which might never go away.

Tamat


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

TAMAT said:


> James,
> 
> You also have the issue of STDs, viruses can get past a condom, if indeed they even used one. Often people lie about it. Was the guy or guys she was with married?
> 
> ...



Apart of my fantasy was to record it so i seen it and yes a condom was used ... umm u wanna talk about mind movies yes I’m literally having them I’ll honest say they popped n my head a couple times the oral was a lil too intimate For me like it looked nice i can’t lie it was really erotic but i didn’t like actually seeing it but so i can be clear because ppl seem to mix up a lot of things about my wife i asked for this i asked for her to record and see video i asked to see her give head i had full controls over the boundaries . I don’t think the videos popping n my head will bother me long term and if they do i will sit down with her and a counselor and see if i can find ways around it hopefully .. they don’t make me wanna not be married to her but it’s like damn i shouldn’t have asked for her to do this ... 

But i still love her with all my heart i still want to be with her and she said if this is something i don’t want her to do again that is fine i just let a bed room fantasy get to far but it happen it’s here I’m ready to move on be a better man for my wife and kids


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

You understand that she is not coming back to you because she loves you right?

She is just trying to make her best deal. She told you as much.

Her and her kids were not a good deal for him. She was just a piece of ass. He would do her again, but he doesn't want to keep her.

He doesn't love her. If he wanted her she would have stayed with him. Regardless of her insistence to the contrary.

She told you as much, she was his if he wanted her, he didn't.

So for now you are her best deal, all things considered.

Your love not withstanding, you are plan "B"!


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## Fazz (Aug 4, 2018)

James01 said:


> Crazy thing happen is she had sex with him today and she said she didn’t want to do it any more and with out a doubt she wants our marriage and she said by her having sex with him ( some one who is a 3-4 inches bigger ) she appreciates my sex more she’s not missing out on anything she said so i feel really great now i think this may have put to rest my insecurities about my penis size ..


If I was in your shoes, I would prioritise this over anything else in my life, and go and get help together ASAP, and never consider such a thing like this again given what this experience taught you.


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## Fazz (Aug 4, 2018)

...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

James01 said:


> i had a crazy fantasy


 @James01 this is a rather common theme in porn and from what I have read about it to try and understand what makes this fantasy tick...

Boils down to *FEAR OF ABANDONMENT* from feeling like you can not make your wife happy. Those that get into this fantasy therefor are extremely controlling over the idea of subjecting their wife to another man with an impossibility of any real emotion or love so that any other relationship will fail. This in turn creates a moment of euphoria for the husband to know his wife will stay with him because it is the only way he can prove emotionally that she does love him and will stay with him.

Imagine your wife living in fear that you might leave her for another woman. So she preemptively chooses another woman for you that is doomed to fail and says, "I want you to have sex with her!" In particular she wants to choose very beautiful women that are totally out of your league and that would never ever really stand a chance to love you, but they would be willing to selfishly use you for sex. Then when you can't get any emotional satisfaction from it knowing that you were just used, you go back to your wife and she starts foaming at the mouth with excitement because this is her only way to test if you really love her or not. 

It is a messed up fantasy because it is rather immature was of trying to control one's fear of abandonment instead of just working on being more self confident.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

James01 said:


> This is a very lengthy post and I really do appreciate anybody who takes the time out of their day to read it and give me insight I don’t have friends that I feel comfortable talking to about this and I don’t have insurance right now so I can’t go to a therapist in March me and my wife we’re having sex we said we would like to spice things up in a marriage so we decided to be open with females I don’t know what came over me it was very weird but I got I thought of her having sex with another guy I don’t know where the feelings came from but it really turned me on If I had to be honest with myself I think it stems from me know when my wife likes big penis I don’t have a big penis I’m about 5 inches before me and my wife physically met when we were in our text in stages she told me she liked my penis I know I didn’t have one so I immediately sent her a picture of Mine she was OK with it six years later we are married with two kids . I’m not proud of this but once I went thru my wife phone I see her talking about sex with her best friend she was raving about my sex telling her best friend how was mind blowing But even through all that I’m still insecure about the size of my penis I thought maybe if she has sex with somebody with a big penis she would never cheat on me and we will be married forever also me seeing her turned on Really gets me off so I’m thinking I can kill a bird with two stones she gets a big penis she doesn’t feel the need to cheat on me I see her turned on I get off
> 
> 
> Now here is when things get crazy like I said this happen in March between March and now we have picked several people for her to potentially he have sex with I rather it be a Guy she has no real contact with To avoid the chance of an emotional connection and her eventually leaving me for him I am in another forum and they basically said that if she leaves me because of it we have problems in our marriage that are much deeper than her just having sex with somebody. Three times it was supposed to happen each time I got cold feet and I shut it down right before happened she would tell me how this is a very emotionally straining she has to build herself up to have sex with another guy when she finally gets over the mental block of it I shut It down
> ...


Your in an open marriage now I guess. Find a woman and start banging away like your wife has been. 

What a fool you are.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

aine said:


> Sounds like you were the one wanting the open marriage with others in it because of all your insecurities and selfishness.
> Sounds also like your wife was not too into this when she had to work herself up to have sex with someone else and told you.
> 
> *No woman wants her man to "pimp" her out to other men, that is not the way women are wired.* They usually want to be loved and protected. You dropped the ball on this one and your marriage is over. How can she ever respect you after that?


This isn’t always the case. Many wives have talked their husbands into this destroying the marriage.


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## Knips (May 23, 2017)

Their is a name for such fantasy to let you're wife having sex with another 'well' endowed man. This is called "cuckolding". The smaller endowed husband finds it very erotic to let the bigger man (the bull... ) have sex with the wife. Often the husband watches this or films this. He gets of of the fact that the wife enjoyes the sex with the bull. Often it is the humiliation that the husband gets off . I must say, not my cup of tea, but apparently it is popular.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Finally read through your post. 

You actually have a video of what they did?


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## kirwinjd (Aug 8, 2016)

Dude, 
Nothing personal but it’s really hard to read a post that has dozens of sentences but no periods. Do you proof read your story before posting it? Just not easy to understand your situation when it’s such hard work to follow it. 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

You have only yourself to blame and yes they did have sex. She is lying to you.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Kinky doesnt have to include adultery.


Sure but you are projecting your values onto other people. I agree with you in that I can't imagine this ever really working long term, I think it's a ridiculously reckless thing to try if you value your marriage -- and I know folks who have tried it. But if they are consenting adults, no one is lying or hiding what they're doing, is it really "adultery?"


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

James01 said:


> I am happy because we are going to end being open i had a crazy fantasy of seeing my wife have sex with another guy I’ve been asking her to do it for months i shouldn’t have but i did and we are here now ... it’s not like she went behind my back ****ed somebody and said oh you’re better and I’m ok with that ... i let her do it because i practically begged for this and got cold feet each other time this time i said I’ll let her go thru... no the situation wasn’t ideal but at least it’s not means to a end she said having sex with somebody else making her appreciate our marriage more and she don’t want to do it again i feel like other marriage couples have got thru worse but thank you for your advice i come on this forum for negative and positive advice thank you for your insight


First, I am really happy for you that you think things will be okay.

But I can't help but notice - your fantasy was to SEE her do this. Didn't she just go off and do it? They didn't let you watch, did they?
Also, you said before all this, you read her email and she was raving about sex with you to a friend. So why were you concerned about your penis size?

Anyhow, I'm glad you're bringing the curtain down on this little show ASAP. I would still get into therapy if I were you. Your thinking seems a little skewed.


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## SeattleWill (Aug 8, 2018)

James01 said:


> Crazy thing happen is she had sex with him today and she said she didn’t want to do it any more and with out a doubt she wants our marriage and she said by her having sex with him ( some one who is a 3-4 inches bigger ) she appreciates my sex more she’s not missing out on anything she said so i feel really great now i think this may have put to rest my insecurities about my penis size ..


Sir - so sorry that you destroyed your marriage. Regardless of what she said today, she no longer respects you and will have sex with other men in the future. You need a divorce and lots of counseling.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Did she leave you yet ?


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

James01, you're right. You ruined it. I'll bet she's hostile as hell about farming her out, and she's shown you what she can do. I'd put your chances of redeeming your M at around maybe 5 in 100. Maybe she'd recant if you told her you can't live without her, and knock off all the extra-curricular stuff.


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## SeattleWill (Aug 8, 2018)

James01 said:


> BarbedFenceRider said:
> 
> 
> > ^^Thank you BT! You nailed it. I thought this was a troll post by the looks of it...
> ...


So the sex wasn’t good enough to make her want a divorce. Today. What about the next guy? You have destroyed your marriage. Time to move on.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

SeattleWill said:


> So the sex wasn’t good enough to make her want a divorce. Today. What about the next guy? You have destroyed your marriage. Time to move on.


The OP has not been to this site since 08-22-2018....................


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