# My husband always take decision alone



## Tsoenam (Jan 3, 2021)

Hi am new here. My problem is my husband always take decision alone and do things before informing me. He does not see the reason why he should inform me before taking decisions that will affect our lives. For example, he took a loan from bank before telling me about it and when I advise him to use the loan for our building project, he refused and invest all the in some gold company which later collapse and he lost all the money. My family is suffering because he need to pay back the loan. Just resently he used all the money he received from his work as an end of year package for settlement of debt and as usual he did it before informing me and I have to use my money for taking care of the house. What pains me most is that when I complain about it he said do I have the capability to support if he inform me about his plans. This morning while preparing to go to church, he said his friend is going somewhere with his car. So ask him if it just now that the ask him of the car that he couldn't tell me earlier until now. In fact I was so angry that I didn't even pay attention to the preaching. Please I need your advise


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Doesn't sound much like a marriage. Unfortunately his debts are also your debts. I don't know what would happen if you decided to file for divorce. but at least you would eventually regain control of your finances. 

If you decide to leave you need to go straight to an attorney. If you guys owe so much money I'm not sure how easy it will be to find one.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Doesn't sound much like a marriage. Unfortunately his debts are also your debts. I don't know what would happen if you decided to file for divorce. but at least you would eventually regain control of your finances.
> 
> If you decide to leave you need to go straight to an attorney. If you guys owe so much money I'm not sure how easy it will be to find one.


It can't hurt to check. In some places, if he takes out the loan without her name on it, it's his responsibility alone if they divorce.

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Tsoenam said:


> Hi am new here. My problem is my husband always take decision alone and do things before informing me. He does not see the reason why he should inform me before taking decisions that will affect our lives. For example, he took a loan from bank before telling me about it and when I advise him to use the loan for our building project, he refused and invest all the in some gold company which later collapse and he lost all the money. My family is suffering because he need to pay back the loan. Just resently he used all the money he received from his work as an end of year package for settlement of debt and as usual he did it before informing me and I have to use my money for taking care of the house. What pains me most is that when I complain about it he said do I have the capability to support if he inform me about his plans. This morning while preparing to go to church, he said his friend is going somewhere with his car. So ask him if it just now that the ask him of the car that he couldn't tell me earlier until now. In fact I was so angry that I didn't even pay attention to the preaching. Please I need your advise


If you are not going the the direct route of leaving him so his mistakes are his only, consider writing up a financial plan, showing who is responsible for what. Write out some other rules. If the car is in both your names, then he has to ask first. Which means that you also have to ask first. In the end you have to insist that this is a partnership, and if he won't abode by that, then it's over and you have to stick to it. Otherwise, you will have to suffer through what you already are.

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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tsoenam said:


> Hi am new here. My problem is my husband always take decision alone and do things before informing me. He does not see the reason why he should inform me before taking decisions that will affect our lives. For example, he took a loan from bank before telling me about it and when I advise him to use the loan for our building project, he refused and invest all the in some gold company which later collapse and he lost all the money. My family is suffering because he need to pay back the loan. Just resently he used all the money he received from his work as an end of year package for settlement of debt and as usual he did it before informing me and I have to use my money for taking care of the house. What pains me most is that when I complain about it he said do I have the capability to support if he inform me about his plans. This morning while preparing to go to church, he said his friend is going somewhere with his car. So ask him if it just now that the ask him of the car that he couldn't tell me earlier until now. In fact I was so angry that I didn't even pay attention to the preaching. Please I need your advise


I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. You being upset about his unilateral actions is very reasonable.

What are the laws about debt where you live? If he takes out a loan in his name only, are you still legally responsible to pay the debt if he does not pay? Of is it his debt only?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Whether she stays or goes she needs to see an attorney and separate funds.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

I don't believe in unilateral decisions in a marriage. Go to an attorney, take all the money into your own name NOW. You can give it back if the attorney says to.


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