# What is a guy's perfect relationship?



## nikkilaya1234 (Mar 10, 2008)

What are the dos and don'ts for a girl? What makes a guy go "this girl is the most perfect girl for me"? Does sex before marriage really ruin the relationship and the "chase"?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

nikkilaya1234 said:


> What are the dos and don'ts for a girl? What makes a guy go "this girl is the most perfect girl for me"? Does sex before marriage really ruin the relationship and the "chase"?


No sex doesn't ruin it.

Before marriage I wanted to make sure my current (2nd) wife and I could communicate well, trust each other, feel love for one another, have companionship, and envision long term goals. I was a single father with custody of an autistic son that she attached to and has been like a mother to him no different then our kids together now. I knew she was what I wanted. We lived together without driving each other crazy, the sex was good, etc. I figured I could live like that for the rest of my life and since it has only gotten better.

draconis


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

I've read so many horror stories on here about sexual incompatibility, that I would say, even if you don't have full on intercourse before marriage, you should have lots of mutual masturbation and you *must *talk about what sort of sex life you expect from each other. It's the things that you *forget *to communicate about that will come up and strangle ya!


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## mjr810 (Aug 24, 2008)

Here's a couple of thoughts...for both sides

Do..

come home after work
have personal interests
be interested in your partners interests
touch and caress
be the one and only confidante
laugh at your husband's/wife's jokes
commit to being a better person today than yesterday
put your relationship first above all else
pay little attentions

Don't...

be given to flattery, except from your partner of course
expect him/her to go dancing
feel mistrusted if he/she wonders where you are
keep secrets
escape by using drugs or by drinking


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

for me the perfect woman of course is my wife...


What do I love about her?

She is smart and makes a good paycheck (more then me!) We both yhave excellent careers.

She has a good sense of humor.

She is Not Jealous and is comfortable with my personality.

She can be sexy and wild.

She can be honest and communicate what she feels to me.

after almost 20 years, I still get turned on by the site of her.


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## nikkilaya1234 (Mar 10, 2008)

That's awesome. I was asking because I just got out of a 2 year dating relationship. We talked a lot about marriage. But out of nowhere he was unhappy. But he hasn't grown up yet. He's only 23 and about to graduate this coming December. I wanted to know if it was me. I explained a bunch about it in the General Discussions forum.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

My idea of a perfect relationship is:

Being with a person that wants to be with you and is not confused or always needing constant validation.

Easy, not too many games that put the actual relationship at stake. Playfulness is fine though, games with flirtation with one and other (not with other people) or playfulness/games in the bed room is fine too. 

Trust that is earned and not just expected.

The ability to recognize and willingness to sacrifice things that are detrimental to the relationship.

A person that shares your ideals in how to raise a family.

Being with a person that knows the meaning of the word, commitment, forever, till death do us part, for better or worse.

Fair and just.

Someone that either shares your interests or at least is comfortable with letting you have your own interests (within reason) without judgment or criticism. 
Can let you play your game console without making it an issue that it really isn't. 

Someone that you can let your guard down around, that doesn't make you jump through hoops all the time.

Oh yeah and most importantly, sex without emotional strings attached.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

carmaenforcer-
Being a big fan of your posts here, I am guessing that your current relationship is the opposite of that?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

NIk, I don't think it's you, if he is graduating college, he just may be at a part of his life where to much is going on. 

If I were you I would not worry, I would take this oppurtunity to go exploring the world and live a little for yourself. 

I drove across country when I was in my early 20's, something that was AWESOME with a friend. 

Go on a trip with a good friend, have some fun, Marriage is always on the table down in life, you will find another person.

enjoy!


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

Hi *MarkTwain*
First off, thank you for reading my posts, and for your contributions here on this forum. I can honestly say that I enjoy reading your Posts and Threads myself.

Unfortunately you are kind of right about my current relationship falling way short of what I believe would constitute a 
"perfect relationship"...

But no one said a relationship wasn't going to be a lot of work.

Mine feels like a complete rebuild sometimes, but I did promise "till death do us part" so I guess I do have a little time on my hands. j/HALF/k...

My Wife and I do share a lot of good moments, enough to keep us both wanting to stay together obviously. Although I think if it weren't for our baby boy, I would have bailed.

I'm not afraid of a little hard work and I love a good fight and so I still expect to reach some of my goals of achieve the "perfect relationship", with my Wife. Forever trying to do my part in making this happen. 
Remembering to work on me if I'm expecting the same in return, and constantly lobbying for the same from my partner.

One person doe not make a relationship after all.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

*carmaenforcer*- Thanks.

As far as I am concerned, your post #20 below was the most incendiary thing I ever read on this site, and so concisely written!

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/men-s-clubhouse/81-limited-sex-arguments-2.html#post6522

I assume this is with your current wife. And it appears that things got a bit better. How did you get her to "up the frequency"?


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

nikkilaya1234 said:


> What are the dos and don'ts for a girl? What makes a guy go "this girl is the most perfect girl for me"? Does sex before marriage really ruin the relationship and the "chase"?


Sex before marriage doesn't ruin it, unless that is all you are really after. You said the chase. If you can't be with a girl because you love "the chase" or chasing after women all the time, It is best to keep control of what you say and do, and not to lead a girl on to think there is more to it than there really is. In other words..don't tell the girl you love her unless you really mean it, because most likely it is your best friend that is saying it and not you, because he will say anything to get some.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

*MarkTwain*
That was one crazy rant of mine, huh. Yeah, sorry to all that I offend when I blow up, but thanks for listening, criticizing, whatever...:smthumbup:

I had a little success, due I think, to the fact that I actually stopped caring and so stopped bugging. 
She probably felt some sort of insecurity or actual relief for what she perceived as me being cool or something, that made her 
"up the frequency". 
The quality of the sex is still weak and her efforts are not consistent enough to be called "progress", but she did actually go down on me a couple of times, so it's not a total bust.

Sadly, we always end up at square one from time to time. 
She still tries to play games with sex as recently as these past couple of weeks. 
Withholding?!? Really? I think to myself...
I don't really care anymore, but I guess, knock yourself out. 

The last two times that we did it, about two weeks ago I think, I didn't finish and just took care of her and she got all insecure. That's when I noticed this side effect of me not caring. The same thing happened with my ex, she pushed me too far and when she started paying attention and tried to fix things, it was too late and I wasn't able to recover.

Now, she (My Wife) all trying hard to get me to show some interest, flashing me a couple of different times in this past week, kissing me all nasty, dropping hints and straight-up grouping me under my skivvies just yesterday. 
I'm all like, NAHH, I'm good. It's my turn to hold out.. j/k

I know that chances are good for her to just get it elsewhere if I "push her away" but I have a point to prove.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

*carmaenforcer*

Very interesting, that holding back is encouraging her. If you want to maximise this approach look at the advice I gave to chopblock below. Not for everyone, but by not cuming, the man can provoke huge changes.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/15460-post36.html


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

Thanks *MarkTwain* very interesting that we can arrive at the same conclusion or reap benefits from the same act independently. 
Kind of backs the validity and effectiveness of the act.

Some call it games or if you call them tools, these types of things are probably healthy to the dynamic in some sick way, huh. 

Why can't it be simply, we both need/like sex and give it to each other in exchange for nothing more than the pleasure we receive or impart?

I just wish I didn't harbor resentment so that way I could enjoy the resulting sex and not have such an attitude about it now. 
I found out something about myself from having to deal with jumping through hoops for sex. I don't like it as much if I have to work too hard for it and I am a grudge holder too and that's can't be a good combo either.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

What is a guy's perfect relationship? 

One that will allow him to get his way on all things 24/7. Well, I know some guys that would say this, anyway.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

*carmaenforcer*

Yes, you really need to drop the grudge.

I don't know if I made the subtlety of the semen retention clear. When the woman sees that the man is able to defer his ejaculation, she gets keen to see if she can make him cum. (Yes, she actually tried to repeatedly push me over the edge at one point!) Then after a while she gets turned on by the fact he can control it, and loves watching him in action. Both modes involved for me a lot of sex!

The other thing my wife liked was that there was no pressure for her to carry on until I came. So she could have a quicky, and decide when to end it. Strangely this caused her to want it more often and for longer.

We got up to 3 times a day at one point, when we were not busy with anything else.


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

MarkTwain said:


> I've read so many horror stories on here about sexual incompatibility, that I would say, even if you don't have full on intercourse before marriage, you should have lots of mutual masturbation and you *must *talk about what sort of sex life you expect from each other. It's the things that you *forget *to communicate about that will come up and strangle ya!


Why didnt the chaplain mention the mutual masturbation when we had pre-marital counselling?:rofl:

Sage advice my friend.


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