# Did I do the right thing?



## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Guys n gals, lately I have been having 2nd thoughts about how I approached my wifes infidelity. Basically caught her in a year and a half long EA with possible PA but she won't admit to anything. Decided I was going to try MC with her but later found out she had contacted him right after the MC session and also that she was planning on leaving me down the road for him when the timing was better. Once I learned this and she had told me they weren't talking anymore prior to the counseling session. I then decided to file without tellling her or asking her to fess up. Once she got served with papers I asked her if she wanted to come clean and she wouldn't say anything.

So basically the last few days I have been having 2nd thoughts about filing and if I should have asked her straight up to make a decision on trying to fix our marriage or if she wanted to D be with AP. At this point I have been doing the 180 but would like to R but I know she has to make that decision. Did I go about this in the right way? Thanks


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## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

I'm not one to try to give anybody advice in these forums...just a little support and encouragement, if I have it to offer. 

I've been separated for a little over a year now, and while my situation is complicated, and I share at least half the blame for the problems in our marriage, if not more, I understand the feelings of doubt you are having. I suffer from doubt and second thoughts a lot, but when I think about reaching out to her and trying to make a connection, I remember how futile that effort has been over the years. It's not her fault, but I don't think I could ever make it work.

I describe that just to try to share that you're probably not alone with second thoughts like that. I suspect that it would be very hard to reconcile with someone who can't be honest.

Peace...


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

You are doing right. She made the choice by continuing to contact him and not coming clean. No honesty. No remorse. Equals no R. Hold the 180. Continue the D. You are doing great just don't falter.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

God I'm trying. So freaking hard filing for D to the person you still love and planned on growing old together with. Not being in control and the helpless feeling eats me alive. Thanks for the reassurance guys cause I'm so wishy washy and 2nd guess all my actions. It just feels wrong to not try and fix something i care for so dearly.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

theexpendable said:


> God I'm trying. So freaking hard filing for D to the person you still love and planned on growing old together with. Not being in control and the helpless feeling eats me alive. Thanks for the reassurance guys cause I'm so wishy washy and 2nd guess all my actions. It just feels wrong to not try and fix something i care for so dearly.


I know how you are feeling....but understand you aren't the one that needs fixing and you can't fix a marriage with one person. 

IMO...You handled it like a champ. Stay the course.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Have you exposed the affair to family, friends, co-workers, etc.?

Do you have the solid evidence necessary to do so?


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Yes I have exposed to her mom and friends and the OM wife. However OM wife had an affair on him at the same time so I don't think she really cares that much to put the kind of pressure on him that I was hoping for.


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