# Is this cheating- - LONG



## rincha (Nov 26, 2010)

Im not very good at explaining so please bear with me

Ok before I start, I have no kids and have been married for 16 months. I found the following after we got married about my wife and have been living with it unsure what to do.

We dated for approx one year before we tied the knot, in that time we talked/texted on the phone several times per day as per any couple.

I used to go and stay round over at her house (she lived with her parents)

All seemed fine.

When we started dating initially she explained that she had been single for about one year and had absolutely no contact with her ex whatsoever. I made sure of this as I questioned her because I had been hurt in a past relationship where the girl was having an affair with her ex whilst with me.

Ok, so few months into the dating whilst chatting with her on the phone, someone kept calling her repeatedly non stop like 100 times ( you can hear her phone beeping in call waiting mode). She said to me her ex has just re-appeared out the blue and is asking for her back etc etc. She said she told him to Feck off, so I said its ok I trust you.

I few months passed and we carried on dating and I noticed that whilst I stayed over, someone repeatedly called her phone at like 2am, 3am, 4am. Obviously I was like, whos that and she always said its just mates messing about. I said fine and ignored it.

Few months passed and we carried on dating. Then one day she was driving and asked me to hold her phone. As I was holding it, it was on the text screen and one text stood out which read “I miss you too” from some guy called Mace????? I also noticed that the person who calls her daily and at stupid times at night was the same person.
I just froze like a little girl and didn’t say anything until later that night when I called her from my house. I asked her was this mace her ex? She said yes.

She instantly went on the defensive saying that its nothing and he owes her some money and shes was just talking to him about how to transfer the money over etc etc.

When I questioned her about the “I miss you” she said they were talking about old times when they used to date and it didn’t mean anything.

I stupidly believed her but I made it clear that I don’t want her to chase for any money and stop all contact with him. She said ok.

Ok months passed and we got married.

Few months into my marriage she gave me her old phone as she upgraded, once I turned it on, I saw countless texts from her ex spanning throughout our entire relasionship containing extremely sexual content. I also checked her phone records which clearly showed that every single night after talking to me she would talk to him for hours from day one of us dating.

I was so shocked I threw the phone away and when confronted her, she just denied everything. 

Then few weeks down the line a “mace” made a deposit into our joint account.

I went made and confronted her and she said he owes me money and she wants her money back EVEN though I have made it clear to her on several separate occasion that I do not want her to take ANY money from him.

She wouldn’t agree, so I had to call this mace myself and argue with him to stop all contact with my wife and he said okay then.

Its been almost 1 year since all this happened but im not sure if she still emails him via work email.

Im just want to know if this is cheating or not?


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

She's cheated on you your entire relationship. This is who she is, accept it. You're young, married 16 months no kids, run, RUN!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I was on the fence as to whether or not it was cheating, as I am friends with one of my ex-boyfriends, and my boyfriend is friends with one of his ex-girlfriends. But I came off the fence when I saw the sexual content in the texts. THAT does make it cheating. 

And then I thought about it a bit more...while I have no problem with my boyfriend being friends with an ex, and vice versa, you clearly did have a problem with it and made that clear to her. She then had contact with him, completely ignoring the fact that she knew you would be bothered if you knew. That, to me, makes it cheating. My boyfriend and I have a rule that we look at it like this: If it's something you wouldn't want the other person to know about, it's wrong. Period. Doesn't matter if it's hiding money, hiding a person, hiding a purchase. If I wouldn't be fine with wanting him to know about it, then I shouldn't be doing it, and vice versa. She didn't want you to know, so it was wrong.


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## jahenders (Dec 9, 2010)

I'd say that the sexual content doesn't necessarily imply cheating unless it's two way -- it could just be her ex being a jerk. However, the fact that she hasn't either changed her number or blocked his certainly makes it appear that she wants to maintain contact with him, even with the sexual content. 

If it's all over, you might forgive and forget, but if you have any reason to believe she might still have contact with him you should tell her your concerns and feelings and tell her you really need her to end all contact with him, block his phone number, etc. If she won't then you'll know that contact with him is more important to her than you are.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

She is SO cheating, and since she knows you can find out thru the phone, she probably went with another method, e-mails, etc.

No kids? Good, then you can make a clean break. I'd throw her out on her a**.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Here's another vote for "cheating". At this point it doesn't matter if it is emotional and/or physical. Her attention should be 100% focused on you. Since she is dividing her attention between you and Mace, it's cheating.


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## sbbs (Sep 21, 2009)

Add my voice to the chorus that says she's cheating. 

She's been doing that since before you got married. Get out of that marriage now, before you have kids or get any further assets that you'd have to share with her in a divorce settlement.


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