# Caught her having a online affair



## clamman (Mar 1, 2013)

Hi all, first post from me. I caught my wife of 18 years having a online affair with a man from Morocco. She has stated on Facebook that she is in love with him and is engaged? to him. The first two times I went into a verbal rage. She called the cops both times. They said that I was fine, did not break the law. Third time, I went ballistic and destroyed the computer by smashing it on the kitchen floor. She called the cops again, this time TWO came. They talked to her, then me. One cop told me he would have done the same thing, shook my hand and left.

I was hoping things would get better. She is still posting on Facebook. I moved her stuff in the spare bedroom and put a lock on my bedroom. She won't leave, but she has adjusted to my schedule and is avoiding me. It's got to the point where it's really hurting me, but I have made up my mind that I want out. Trouble is, I can't afford a lawyer and she won't leave. 

I have made up my mind that I am not leaving my house. What a mess!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Expose her to all family and freinds. Use FB to expose to all his family and freinds too. Is he Muslem? If he is exposure will realy screw him to be with a married woman of a diferent faith too. 

Down load diviorce documents from your county/state court web site and bring it to the court house to file yourself. Cut off all funds and credit from her. Only keep a roof over her head and food in the fridge. 

But most of all keep you temper in check. Calm but resolved.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Hi, and welcome to TAM. I am so sorry your wife did this to you. I am glad to see you are not taking any sh!t from her too. but I suggest you tone down the rages - that's going to get you into trouble sooner or later.

You ARE going to need a lawyer though.


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## clamman (Mar 1, 2013)

Yes I have toned down the rages. I won't even speak to her.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Exposure is an excellent tactic in making the affair inconvienent and uncomfortable.
In addition do the hard work in finding out who the OM is. He may very well be some poor schmuch still living with his mom in the middle of no were.

Or better yet married with kids and if thats the case exposing the affair to his wife will make this affair inconvienent and uncomfortable.

At the end of the day making the affair inconvienent and uncomfortable is your best bet.

So turning off her smart phone account or putting a pass word on your router, and emotionally dettaching is a start


Look up the 180, it a list of things that will help you protect your self..its not ment to get your old lady back but build a wall that will give you an emotional armor.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Read the newbie link in Hope's signature. 

Read this too. 180 List - No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

You could start by telling her and your family/friends what she's doing. That might smack some sense into her or maybe not, but it's worth a shot. Followed by consulting a lawyer just to learn your rights if divorce were to happen.


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## clamman (Mar 1, 2013)

Thanks everybody for the advice. I have already protected myself financially. I took your advice and made the announcement on Facebook (I really don't like facebook) and went to my clandestine account (she has me blocked) and contacted anybody whom I thought she and him were acquainted with. We'll see what happens. I have to be careful though, she is still contributing a small amount of money toward expenses. I'll be glad when June gets here, I'm going to jump on my Roadstar and go see Dad for Father's Day. That'll be 3000 miles of smiles


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Turn off the Internet at home.

Btw, there is a very very good chance the Moroccan guy is a scammer. There are a lot of scammers who work hard to establish "soul mate" relationships with women in the US, Canada, Europe. They use them for things like mules for moving money and goods between banks and out of the country.


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## clamman (Mar 1, 2013)

We no longer have a computer at home. I took it out. Yes I am aware that he may be a scammer. Still the emotional damage has been done. I have a close knit support group (I'm a Freemason) so help is just a phone call away. Thank you.


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## clamman (Mar 1, 2013)

Shaggy, you have mail.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you had any communications with this guy she's involved with?

You might want to communicate with him. At least this will make you real in his eyes.


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## clamman (Mar 1, 2013)

No, but I guess I could. I'll give it a few days to fester as I made  several posts about her infidelity on a couple facebook accounts. Trouble is, right now what I would like to say is "come and get her":rofl:


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Do you have any way of finding out if she's sent him any money? My husband was scammed out of over $3000 by online scammers when he was trying to hook up with someone. (story link is in my signature if you're interested)


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## clamman (Mar 1, 2013)

Yes I did read it, wow. I haven't seen any evidence that she has, but something came in the mail for her the other day from a bank who I do not have an account with. We agreed not to open each other's mail.

As a side note, I would like to thank all of you for your help, you are all so nice. God will reward you for your good thoughts and deeds. I'm sure glad that Jesus is my co pilot.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

You have been given some good advice here, please follow it.

1. Control the anger or you will find yourself on the business end of a restraining order and you WILL be moving out of YOUR house.

2. Cut off all finances. No joint bank accounts or joint credit cards. Take YOUR money (not that 50% crap people on here preach) out of joint accounts and move it to your personal account. Leave HER money in the joint account. If she doesn't have any money, then oh well. 

3. You keep food in the house and the mortgage paid. NC is a no fault state that requires a year of separation before you can divorce. If you want her gone in the mean time, you are going to have to file for divorce and ask the court for exclusive use of the home while the divorce proceeds. You may not get it but it's worth asking for.

This is adultery. It is adultery of the heart which is just as bad as physical adultery if not worse. Act accordingly.


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> 2. Cut off all finances. No joint bank accounts or joint credit cards. Take YOUR money (not that 50% crap people on here preach) out of joint accounts and move it to your personal account. Leave HER money in the joint account. If she doesn't have any money, then oh well.


You're married. She owns half. Take half.


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## clamman (Mar 1, 2013)

Well it was a quiet weekend. For the most part, she stayed away. I have a funny feeling that she is going to continue to stay in the house as long as she can.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

Your wife is most likely the victim of a scammer.

You will be equally responsible for any debts she runs up while you are married. And right now the goal of the scammer is to get your wife to hand over as much money as possible, as quickly as possible.

Or, he's looking for a green card to get in the USA. 

You should contact her relatives and friends, not with a "my wife is cheating on me" story line, but with a "my wife is being scammed" story line. They are much more likely to intervene if they realize she has fallen prey to a common internet scam.

And, that's what this is: a scam.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

clamman said:


> I haven't seen any evidence that she has, but something came in the mail for her the other day from a bank who I do not have an account with. We agreed not to open each other's mail.


I bet you also agreed not to fall in love and become "engaged" to someone else while still married to each other. 

She doesn't need to know that the envelope even came in the mail. Her financial decisions effect you. At this point, there are no secrets. That bank statement is evidence you could have used to find out what she is up to. I would catch her away from home and tear the house apart looking for it.


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