# Dday 2



## Bent not Broken (Mar 26, 2015)

I wrote a long description of the events that happened, but my browser refreshed, and I lost it all before I posted it, so I'll keep it brief, as I don't want to re-write it all. 

I've been suspicious that she was cheating again, so I've been keeping a really close eye on her. About a week ago, she handed me her iPhone so I could back it up to my computer, as she was getting a new one.

From the backup, I was able to recover not only what was currently on the phone, but also some of the deleted texts, pics, contacts, etc. 

There were some graphic texts in there, including one that was offering oral to another man.

Told her I was moving out. This time I'm sticking to it. She said all the typical things I see here, about not doing it again, doesn't know why she did it, she's sorry, etc.

Just wanted to follow up with you guys, and let you know that you were right, and I shouldn't have taken her back last time. She clearly didn't want to work on R. I also found out, that she started back up with him less than a year after I caught her last time.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

What's the plan, Bent?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Bent not Broken said:


> I wrote a long description of the events that happened, but my browser refreshed, and I lost it all before I posted it, so I'll keep it brief, as I don't want to re-write it all.
> 
> I've been suspicious that she was cheating again, so I've been keeping a really close eye on her. About a week ago, she handed me her iPhone so I could back it up to my computer, as she was getting a new one.
> 
> ...


The bad news..... she's still a POS ho-bag.

The good news.... you educated yourself on TAM. You saw the red flags. You conducted a warranted investigation. Now you're doing to right thing and freeing yourself of this broken woman. You're obviously a stronger person than you were prior to D-Day 1. 

Sorry you're here again but glad you see the light and are moving on. 

If you have time, I'd like to read the long version at some point. Good luck.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Depending on circumstances, you might not want to move out. She cheated, again. She should move out. Do check with an attorney, if this is the case. You may loose ground by moving out.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Sorry man. 

But hey, you're actually kind of fortunate in that (a) she was clueless enough to hand you the phone to back it up and (b) you had the wherewithal to attempt data recovery on the backup. Kudos to you for that, as well as drawing your line in the sand.

If I may ask, what software suite did you use to perform the recovery? Wondershare Dr. Fone? Fonelab? iPhone Backup Extractor?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

toonaive said:


> Depending on circumstances, you might not want to move out. She cheated, again. She should move out. Do check with an attorney, if this is the case. You may loose ground by moving out.


Agreed. Please don't move out w/o speaking w/ an attorney.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Sorry your here for this. 

Your name is perfect...bent- but she doesn't get to break you.

Stay strong, so nothing without consulting an attorney first. If she is remorseful, that could help you get what you want in the end
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Bent not Broken said:


> I wrote a long description of the events that happened, but my browser refreshed, and I lost it all before I posted it, so I'll keep it brief, as I don't want to re-write it all.
> 
> I've been suspicious that she was cheating again, so I've been keeping a really close eye on her. About a week ago, she handed me her iPhone so I could back it up to my computer, as she was getting a new one.
> 
> ...


You last caught her 3 months ago by the waterfront this year according to your last thread and she clearly was fvcking some other guy. You never said who he was, how they met, what happened, etc. 

And now she hands you her phone to back up and you discover that she is offering oral to some guy and that she started up with previous guy "less than a year after being caught" !!??!!??

There is a lot missing here ?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You sound a lot stronger now than you did on your other thread. 

Look at this as the first day of your new life, a new life without her dead weight dragging you down.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You can't change a ho. 

Move on brother.


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

And your appointment with your lawyer is hopefully this afternoon right?


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## kwood (Feb 9, 2015)

Iam sorry you are here i tried to
find your old post from the frist 
time i would like to read yor whole
story .stat strong and best of luck 
to you.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I really feel bad for you. 

But let's face it- she has long since lost her genuine interest in the relationship and in the long run, this will be for the best.

Another thought is that while I don't want to bag on people who try to R, this seems to be common. Trying to R is one thing, but one still has to stay really on top of things as you have.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Try not to look at it as your failed. You learned alot and now you know. Not only that it took you a little time to find you in all of this but you did and now your moving on. I felt like i failed after I booted my xW out but as time went on I started to think clearer and realized it was never me. It was here. Its not to say we are all perfect but we didn't do the one thing they did and that in itself makes us better people. 

Good for you for moving on. 

Clay


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

I just read your previous posts.

In your first, you said she was still claiming her A was not sexual and refusing to give you the POSOM's name.

Did she ever come clean about the extent of the A?

Did she finally reveal POS's name or did you have to discover on your own?

I ask because if she never admitted the full extent of the A or the name of POS, you were never in R anyway.

Did you expose her A to both your families and friends?

I'm not knocking you, but I'm getting the impression you tried to rugsweep this A, maybe out of guilt for your own EA years ago, and never really held her accountable.

Rugsweeping and trying to 'nice' the WS back into the M NEVER works.


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

I'm so sorry, I hope you can move on & be happy. You deserve so much better. Stay strong, I wish you the best.


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## Bent not Broken (Mar 26, 2015)

Thank you everyone for all of the support, and kind words. 

As far as moving out, I'm sure that there is a legal reason as to why I shouldn't, but the kids are going to be staying with her, and her grandparents built that house. I'm not going to take that from her. She has already stated she wants to do an uncontested divorce. She is very remorseful.

The software I used was iPhone Backup Extractor. I had tried iExplorer, but didn't see any options to view the deleted texts, which is where I ended up finding my evidence.

The OM was someone whom she works with. They met at work, and hit it off from there. Just to clear up what appears to be a little bit of confusion, there was only one OM, but I've caught her twice now. The first time was April 2014, the second time was last week.

The lawyer appt is still forthcoming.

For those that asked, here is the first thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/257937-jerk-justified.html

Dyokemm, she came clean about the A, though I don't know if I believe it, I think there was more, but she came clean about enough to end us. I discovered his name before I confronted her, so she didn't have to tell me. I have done some research, and he is not married, or else I would let his wife know. I didn't expose her to friends and family, I told her I wouldn't, as long as she doesn't try to screw me. I didn't rugsweep, but I wasn't as hard as I should be, and yes, it's because of my own guilt.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

MarriedDude said:


> If she is remorseful, that could help you get what you want in the end


It would be a great benefit to a lot of folks if they could differentiate between "remorseful" and "sad because they got caught". "Remorseful" is substantially less common.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Wow I only went through this once and it was soul crushing. Anyone who goes through it twice my hat is off to you. So sorry man


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Bent not Broken said:


> As far as moving out, I'm sure that there is a legal reason as to why I shouldn't, but the kids are going to be staying with her, and her grandparents built that house.


'

Don't worry about moving out. Hanging around does nothing but keeps you wading in the toxic mess and is ultimately no benefit. Hopefully you've got better sense than to think the third time at bat is going to be different. When a chick is out chasing other men, it means the thrill she had for you is gone.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

No need to expose. 

When she hooks up with the OM before the D is even final, her family will eventually put two and two together and know why you divorced her. But they will accept it, accept him, and you hopefully will have moved on to a new better woman. Then she will cheat on him a few years down the road, because she is a cheater....That's the way these things work.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She might still love you, but if she cannot or will not stop cheating on you... what's the point in staying with her?

As you have come to realise, none.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

By handing you the phone, is it possible that she WANTED to get caught?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> You can't change a ho.
> 
> Move on brother.


But you can get rid of said ho. 

No need for D-day3.

Get checked for stds
Talk to your attorney
Buy some large trash bags to help her pack.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

F-102 said:


> By handing you the phone, is it possible that she WANTED to get caught?


I wondered about that.

Then the decision to end the marriage is taken away from her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

True, then she can tell anyone who will listen that HE was the one who wanted out, HE was the one who screwed things up, HE was the one who spied on her and invaded her privacy, HE was the CAN (Controlling, Abusive Neanderthal) who demanded that she shape up or ship out, HE was the one who abandoned the family...


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

F-102 said:


> True, then she can tell anyone who will listen that HE was the one who wanted out, HE was the one who screwed things up, HE was the one who spied on her and invaded her privacy, HE was the CAN (Controlling, Abusive Neanderthal) who demanded that she shape up or ship out, HE was the one who abandoned the family...


I'm sure this what my almost XW is telling her family and anybody else who will listen. Ultimately, who really cares? If you haven't already done so, I would sever all ties to in-laws, or at the very least be extremely mindful as to anything you tell them. In the end, they will not support you. They will disregard any truth that tarnishes their "Princess".


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

How is life going Bent?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Bent

You really need to follow through this time.

Her continuing the A with this guy is sending you a very clear message of what she wants.

Meet with the lawyer, start the process and show her these consequences.

And if she does not give you an amicable divorce then expose her A.

Just the fact she has carried on her A for so long should show you how much contempt she has for you and the marriage. 

It is sad but true.

Now be strong, remind her of who you are just like the night you confronted her and her BF.

And leave her behind you.

HM


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Hi Bent,

When I follow a thread I like to read a poster's comments on other's thread to get a fuller understanding of the OP. Doing so i found your threads. I notice that while you have not posted, you visited today. 

First how are you doing? 

Second, you mentioned guilt from an EA from much earlier in your marriage, and then her recent long term adultery. My question is how could she turn around and do to you, with not just an EA but also a PA, that was done to her? She made your life anliving hell for years. Take the home and "hit" back.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry for you but you will be better without her. She is not worth your pain because she is serial cheater. You caught her twice so far but I think there is more.

To be honest with you,you two never had a R,she lied to you over and over again and it is better just to left her behind you. You will another woman who will respect you and love you.

Stay strong my friend.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Revenge is a dish best served cold.


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