# **midlife crisis need help soon***



## HeartfallXO (Aug 4, 2012)

I know before I start this, the response is going to be brutal, but I feel if I come clean here and lay all things bare, that I will get the answer I need or help despite the harsh comments that are more than likely coming! *Don't hold back, I can take it! be as harsh/rude as you wish, as long as you can provide some in depth answers to my nightmare. 

Background: I've been married for over 10 years now, we have some kids but not together, they are from her former marriage but I treat them like my own/and they are. She is my best friend! but she was never really my sexual equal. Meaning, she held the potential of fore filling my sexual desires but was always a work in progress. I married her because I thought my sexual needs were some sort of immature fantasy, and that I needed to grow up and see that there are more important things than just sexual extreme! chemistry between two people. 

We have managed thru some awful times and good ones to make a decent foundation in living for ourselves. Meaning, we are pretty well off compared to the nations average. 

Last year around August, I started to sexually peak! around 42, my hormones started to go wild! My imaginations ran deep into the extreme where I wanted to experience every sexual act known to mankind, minus the hurtful stuff you read in 50 shades of Grey! Yet, my wife of 10 years is not wired that way. HELL, she won't even give me a Blowjob?, Hand Job, or any Job for that matter but the usual Mesh/doggy style treatment. Which was ok for a while. Yes, she is still semi-attractive to me but not in the way of how I would view other women. She has a wholesome glow about her but I prefer a more lustful version. 

Anyway, Our sex life has run hot and cold, but more cold lately and the one thing I hate! is having to explain to a women what turns me the F! On. :scratchhead: Like really??? I have to explain after all this time? 

I got to go on a trip to lets say California, spent sometime with a few family members during an event. Got invited to a bachelor party that went wildly out of control and lead to some exotic extreme porn star strip club. I will not mention its name here. 

I don't drank heavily, only socially, because I am a light weight, 2 drinks and I'm done for. I had one beer, 1 patron Margarita served to me by this Stripper named Samone. 5'9 32,24,36, Blond exotic creature! She asked me if I wanted a private dance? which is normal in a place like this. At first I said No, then she came back and said, I will give you one Free! I thought nothing is free! But I agreed after her much persuasive efforts. 

Without noticed she DFK, with tongue mind you which threw me off, began to unbuckle my paints and before I knew it, she began some Cbj on me in a very dark corner of the club via the VIP area. She must have been 30ish but looked like a 27 year old porn star! 

She didn't stop until I got off, needless to say, this women did everything in a private room she got for us that my wife Never would do! To make things worst! I had a chemistry with her that I had not had with any women in my life! It seemed like she was my soul mate or something?? She is a college graduate, has a BS in Business, owns her own Condo on the beach, works a normal job at a fortune 500 company! and does this on the side because of her "As she explains it, dirty 30's syndrome!! Bi-sexual or Bi-curios! Absolutely one of the most intoxicating women I've seen in my life! She is worst than cocaine! 

She would fly out to where I normally live, rent a four star hotel, invite me over and bang my brains out in every fantasy position imaginable. Despite the emotional guilt, cheating complex I've been going thru, I can't seem stop nor did I want to. 

I asked her, of all the men, why did she choose me? Certainly she can have her pick of the litter! "She said, because I was genuine, religious and none judgmental of her, I told her that if anything I am a confused child of God! right now, who has seriously lost their dame way! She said, nothing happens by coincidence! I must have wanted this deep down or it never would have happened! She is right to a degree. Since December till now, she has spent around $25k on the both us having this extreme sexual affair! I have spent around maybe $1500 here and there but nothing too extreme. 

**Yes, we stay in touch via emails and sms, but lately, she is beginning to change! She is feeling lonely which hurts me in away, she wants nothing more than for us to be together! Permanently. *

She has not once said anything negative about my wife, nor has she really pressured me into dissolving my marriage, but she does so in a subtle manner by her moods. I broke off! contact with her for about 2 weeks, to some how get her out of my system, pay more attention to my wife and try to fix some issues there. It has not been easy, My wife unknowingly, does things in our relationship that signals she rather not be with me? Which is not the case, she is just a very backbiting, moody 51 year old that see's me still as a child! Which she might be right about more times than I like to admit, but pushing me away when I am trying to be romantic with her is a BAD ****ING IDEA! It targets my self esteem, I start thinking am I really that unattractive??? 

So, I put it to a test! went into a local bar, flirted with a complete stranger around 33 years of age and before I knew it, she gave me her number and said " Sexy, I will follow you anywhere"! Yeah it was a great boost to my battered ego, but I would have felt better if that came from my Wife!! What makes it harder is that both women look in the physical hotter than my wife. On a scale of 1-10, my wife is like a 6 1/2 without trying, she could be more if she exercised but thats just reality, as for these other two women, they are both 9 1/2 to 10.5! They would turn the head of the strongest loyal male and that's not just my opinion. When that OW walked out of the bar, the bar tender told me, " You are one lucky bastard! she has shot down every guy that has approached her today!" What did you say to her??? I simply told her the truth! "I'm married, horny, and want to forget all my troubles with someone who can help me forget, you look like a good choice!" I had no idea that honesty would work on a women like that. To my shock, she told me to buy her another drink and tell her about my marriage?? 

**NO! I did not call her, nor do I plan on it, I have bigger problems! 

***Summary***
Sorry for the long winded explanation, but I felt it was necessary to give enough background so I didn't have to repeat it. My primary problem as of late is this, I can't stop thinking about this OW, Stripper,porn star, business executive! She has taken my sexual hidden perversions to a new level. She asked me if I ever did it with two women before? I said hell no! she said she could arrange it! But, if we get serious, I could never do the OW behind her back. I told her I would think about it (Error) but I have not committed to it in any fashion. 

I tried to think soberly about the whole thing, and I concluded, that my LUST would be contained if My WIFE! did all the things this extremely HOT OW does! Yet, to my wife those things are disgusting!? I could have swore that when I met her, she was into those things when we met, but now is more reserved. 

I so want my Wife, my best friend to be the dirty little women of my sexual peak I need right now, and I know deep down she will not be. At the same time I find it hard not to forefill my desires with a women that I know this sort of thing can't last or survive unless I make a decision this year about it soon. And what if I did choose this OW??? Is that really want I want??? or am I just going thru a MID LIFE Crisis that I've only heard stories about!!

My wife today wants me to go out with some friends and all I want to do is call the OW , have her fly here which would take less than 2 hrs, and have some PSE with her and then go home. And, yes If I asked her, she would be on the plan today! That with in itself is some sort of turn on for me. Its hard not doing the things that feel so wrong! Is there really away I can save my marriage, rekindle somehow any sexual thing with my wife or just give her a divorce and try to remain friends? So far it pains me to think, I am just be played by some deeper devious plan of the adversary, (Satan) but right now I don't seem to care, because my Other head is in constant conflict with my ID. HELP!


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

Although we're not suppose to say it, and I may get booted again, your story is a little suspect. But at the moment, I'm going to assume its the truth. Heart, you are 42 and if I understand it correctly, your wife is 51. It ought to be the other way around. A long relationship with an materially older woman, seldom if ever works. Subconsciously, if not consciously, your looking 10 more years down the road and seeing yourself a relatively young 52 and her an elderly 61 with an even a slower metabolism; all the while shopping around for these "young" 40-45 year old women. Hell, you're already doing it. When the song said, "I want to marry a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad", you weren't suppose to take it literally. To say you're handling your life poorly now is an outrageous understatement. Especially fooling around with a hooker.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Wow, where to start. Simply put, you should have communicated with your wife out of despair instead of cheated on your wife out of despair. You are 40 the stripper is 30, dont get any crazy ideas about love, it all started with lust, no foundation of love. If you havent done so, confess and reap the whirlwind. You are stuck in an environment of fantasy, false intimacy, which will further spiral you away from your wife, and real marriage problems. Confess, your wife will decide R or D, stop giving her the short end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Fvstringpicker said:


> Although we're not suppose to say it, and I may get booted again, your story is a little suspect. But at the moment, I'm going to assume its the truth. Heart, you are 42 and if I understand it correctly, your wife is 51. It ought to be the other way around. A long relationship with an materially older woman, seldom if ever works. Subconsciously, if not consciously, your looking 10 more years down the road and seeing yourself a relatively young 52 and her an elderly 61 with an even a slower metabolism; all the while shopping around for these "young" 40-45 year old women. Hell, you're already doing it. When the song said, "I want to marry a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad", you weren't suppose to take it literally. To say you're handling your life poorly now is an outrageous understatement. Especially fooling around with a hooker.


Dont they think about the future before they marry? Real love doesnt walk out because youre too old. This reminds me of the thread of a woman who was 42 and the husband was 65 and she was divorcing him because he was too old and sex was non existent. Wow
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

In my opinion, a man wife shouldn't be more than a year or maybe two older and ideally younger. It tends to make things more compatible. As popular as they make this "cougar" thing, ain't no 45-50 year old man gonna want to constantly wake up with no 60+ year old woman.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

No kids together?

You are right. Your wife will never fulfill your hooker/hot chick/porn star fantasies. 

If you confessed your post to me, I would divorce you.

Good luck.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need to grow some so you can be the man your wife deserves.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Regardless of all the paragraphs you write, how believable or far fetched your story is, you cheated, confess. This isnt a forum that condones infidelity in anyway. Once you confess we can proceed to the next step.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

For someone who uses all kinds of words and self reflection, all I can ask is what in the f is wrong with you? Google the words narcissist and sociopath.

On second thought you probably already know those words, so just get over yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Lawd have mercy................


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## HeartfallXO (Aug 4, 2012)

Fvstringpicker, Thanks for your 1st comment on this, It pains me but I wish I made this **** up! and was not living thru it, nonetheless, I am keeping to my word. I am sure I am going to get blasted with harsh remarks. Nonetheless, I still find some basic truths in principles in what people say and somehow apply that in my life. As for the age gap, it didn't seem that big of a deal to me at the time, I like to think it still doesn't . Anyway, thanks for your honest appraisal I am sure you will not get booted off!


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## HeartfallXO (Aug 4, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> For someone who uses all kinds of words and self reflection, all I can ask is what in the f is wrong with you? Google the words narcissist and sociopath.
> 
> On second thought you probably already know those words, so just get over yourself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, Thanks, that is exactly what I need (NOT!) I guess I am going to have to be more specific, If someone has gone thru this, I welcome your comments. 

So far: CleanJerkSnatch, Emerald and Fvstringpicker have given me something to work with. I know when I said, I welcome your harsh criticism I at least thought it would be constructive.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Sorry... My post WAS deep constructive criticism. You came off as highly intelligent, so I spoke to that side. Do you understand narcissistic behavior? That's what you're exhibiting. I'm simply asking you to examine that. If you don't want tough responses, you came to the wrong place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HeartfallXO (Aug 4, 2012)

Its ok, I never really considered myself in that class of personality disorders! Vanity is certainly not thing, I leave the house every day not really giving two cents about what other think or how I am perceived by them in how I look. Low self esteem at times? Sure but that's something new that has crept into my life. I was not always this way, I can honestly tell you that the person I am now I do not recognize. Nonetheless, I will accept the bad with all the good comments. I will "examine that" in my psych and find out how in the world it got there. Anyway, SomedayDig, thank you for your comment.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Ok...I follow you, man. Here's the deal as I see it. You say you don't have a vanity issue or give "two cents" about what others think, but you should really re-read your original post.

You comment about your wife not being your "sexual equal". Every description about the OW has to do with her looks and how could you get that in the sack with you. (my words at the end there)

You may not realize it, but you're looking for everyone else to validate YOU. Hence you put great emphasis on Samone's measurements and her porn star looks. As well, you went into the 33 year old girl at the bar and how you were praised by the bartender at the end of that foray.

Validating YOU. All of it. Instead of looking inside yourself to really be that non-vain dude who gives two sh-ts about what anyone else thinks. Truth is...you do. 

Aye! There's the rub.


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## HeartfallXO (Aug 4, 2012)

Hahaha, OK.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Mirrors kinda suck, don't they?

Research, man. That's all I can tell ya. But first, you should probably divorce your wife. She's still got a few years of fun to have, too.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I have a hooker/hot chick/porn star wife and its not all that cracked up to be.

Get back to reality and stop screwing around. 

I bet once you drop your wife this chick will drop you. Chicks like this just want a booty call and when it come to real life things, this chick is probably worse then your wife, you just don't know this chick well enough yet.

It wierd, at the end of the day, the freaky chicks always seem more screwed up in the head.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Hotchkiss' seven deadly sins of narcissism

Hotchkiss identified what she called the seven deadly sins of narcissism:

1. Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.
2. Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.
3. Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.
4. Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person's ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.
5. Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an "awkward" or "difficult" person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.
6. Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.
7. Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist there is no boundary between self and other.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Ok. Putting aside all the stuff about your porn star OW..
She will dump you soon BTW..

Your 42. There seems to be a magic band where young 30 something women are attracted to you,it is incredibly validating and great for the ego. make no mistake though, you are temporary in their lives.

Women get all the attention in their 20s and 30s and guys get it when they have a little grey at the temples and a new car.. It will pass and you will just be the "old creepy guy"

Your wife being 10 years older is a problem. Mine was only two years older, of course it doesn't matter when you are in your 30's. Get to 50 though and people really slow down, menopause comes and women's needs and desires shift.

The wholesome glow you talk about is age. It is a function of it and one you perhaps were attracted to?

So here is the advice...

Stop. Think. Reevaluate why you are doing this, and who you want to be.


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

ing said:


> It will pass and you will just be the "old creepy guy"


Hey man, don't get personal. I'm getting really tired of hearing it.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Nice try, send your fantasy story into Penthouse......


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## HeartfallXO (Aug 4, 2012)

Locard said:


> Nice try, send your fantasy story into Penthouse......


And what is that suppose to be? Bait??!:scratchhead: This is no fantasy story pale, its HELL! and I come to find out that its very common among military personnel which I am. I've already gotten the "she is only after your money and stability speech" from my friends who agree with ING's comments. They make a good point, why in the hell is she spending her own money to see me and set this up if she is not looking for a bigger payday! That's what everyone of my friends are telling me. 

So, I am going to cool it, go see a counselor, put my ego in check and listen for a change. I have to admit, what does a 30 something year old want with a 42 year old nearly retired personnel? LOL, Life Insurance!?


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Putting your ego in check is step one. 
Stopping contact with this woman is step two.
Telling your wife is step three. 

man up. You know you can. You are not being fair or reasonable with the woman you have been with for so long. She has no idea she is in a competition...


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

Maybe if you treated your wife like a 9.5-10.5 instead of a 6.5 glowing old boring lady she might feel like a 10... You cheated, tell her about it, she has the right to know. She has the right to decide if she wants/needs to get medically checked for diseases. She deserves to know so she can decide for herself if wants to be with you.


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## HeartfallXO (Aug 4, 2012)

Update: 
1. I had No contact with OW in 7 days until now.
2. I've gone to see a counselor who gave me some very sobering advice. 
3. Told my wife everything over the weekend. Perhaps one of the most difficult gut wrenching things I've ever experienced in my life. She yelled at me for along time, hit me a few times and destroyed/smashed some personal items. Left the house and came back several hours later. Confessed to me that she had some 1 night stand 3 years ago but could never tell me. She was crying while telling me. In brief we got into the details of that incident & how it came to past. I told her 70% of that night was my fault! We never should have gone to that stupid party and when the guest pulled out their Marijuana, Instead of me leaving alone when she refused to leave with me, I should have insisted more! 

Strangely, she asked me if I can forgive her? for that?? What a strange thing to ask me the ultimate hypocrite! I told her I no more blame her than I do myself, but my actions are far worse! 
4. She asked me if I love the OW. I told her lust is not love. So no. 
5. I told her I came to that conclusion by talking with my counselor! She has given me this week to choose her or the OW period. 
6. She does not want to divorce me? but she wants us to move from our current state. 
7. My phone, computer, and bank accounts have been unlocked allowing her to have full access where before I would never give it to her. 
8. My wife has begun destroying certain files, pictures, etc, and she has contacted by email I presume, The OW. I pray to God she did not call her but she does have the number now. 
9. I sent a brief email to the OW about everything that transpired & the only thing she gave back as a reply was" Finally!
10. My wife and I have an appointment with our counselor on Thursday of this week. 
11. Emotionally I am a wreck, I can't stop crying, the one thing I wished to avoid was to hurt my wife/friend, that is a hard image to get out of my mind. I do not know if telling my wife this early was the best thing with all that is going on in our lives but no matter what happens, if she changes her mind and leaves me. I will financially do all that is possible to see that she is well taken care of. Meaning: She gets the house paid off, and pretty much anything else she wants. I really don't care about the material ****. 

And yes, I told this to my wife already where she fully understands that no matter what, I may have failed as a husband, but I shall not as a friend. And before any of you ripe that statement apart, I simply mean, I still have feelings for my wife that are unchanging. 

Someone said, that I was looking for validation for my behavior? I seriously hope not, I wanted answers to help me comprehend what I am feeling for this OW, Why those emotions and desires were so intense! Why I kept feeling lured to it, over and over. 

Q;? Do I really love this OW? or is all just lust?
Q: Why do I find it difficult to choose? 

These are the questions my counselor is helping me with. And No! under no circumstance will I tell our children even though they are grown adults. One lives in the same area as the OW, and I know my daughters temper! That would not be a good thing to do period. 

If I have not said Thank you for all the individuals who gave their input, good, bad or indifferent, let me say now. If anything, It helped to give me pause in a whirlwind of emotions I've seldom dealt with. Again Thank you, Good bye.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Nothing like meeting a soulmate stripper..... Come the f*uck on! Tell your wife and leave the poor woman alone to rebuild her life. You do not deserve her. What the hell is wrong with you? Cliche.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

So you are telling me that you have checked your OW out? You have surprised her at her job with her Fortune 500 company without telling her you will be coming to see her? You have been inside her office and watched her work?

You know all the truths in her life? Any kids? Ex husbands? How many times has she been the OW in other marriages?


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

HeartfallXO said:


> I come to find out that its very common among military personnel which I am.


Do you know what else is common? That the "military personnel" buy into whatever fake crap these women tell them. Yep, have already heard billions of those stories. And guess what? None of them end up with the OW being anywhere near who she told them she was. Or the OM for that matter.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Perfect avatar for you. Your little world is going to blow up at some point soon. Hopefully you pull your head out of your azz before that happens.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

So you both cheated?

The working girl said "finally" when you told her you told your wife and it's over?

Did you tell your wife about the lack of fun at happy time?


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## HeartfallXO (Aug 4, 2012)

Just an Update. 

1) Our marriage counselor helped me and my wife talk about things we normally would never discuss with each other. It helped to clear the air on allot subjects and past events. 

2) My wife had some serious fears while considering divorce, mostly financial, allot stuff is solely in my name, Investments, stocks, house etc. The only way to ease or erase that fear she had was by action. I moved 1/2 of our portfolio into her name solely via Trade account. She now has over $243K to do with as she pleases. 

Overall, her financial net worth is increased to over $315k this week, and she is allot happier about that. She even gave me a tight hug and a kiss. 

2) The OW I have had zero contact with. My phone was changed, certain email accounts deleted, all of which my wife and I agreed on doing after talking with my counselor. Our Counselor believed once I cut off all outside distractions, I would be able to think more clearly. She was right!

3) My wife wants me to sell our house, I told her I would consider her request, she does not want to divorce me? Our house has about 175K in equity , I can easily sell it even in this market. My wife wants us to relocate closer to her family which I am fine with. 

4) Our children know now, we both talked to them about the whole thing, and as children they reacted like I thought they would. Nonetheless, they are glade that we both are handling things the things the way we are. 

5) I did get the answer to both of my questions. As for choosing the OW or My wife? There really is no choice! Because it has nothing to do with either of them. That is something my counselor is working with me on, and I feel better about myself and my outlook than I had in years. 

6) I am going to Cabo San Lucas for 3 weeks by myself, while my wife spends that time with her immediate family. This was something that got discussed in one of our sessions about what we both needed to do in healing ourselves. We both really don't need to work right now, we have enough money to easily take a 5 year leave, we practically own our house outright and we both together may have $705K between us. It was advised that we take some time to get our **** together! Individually and as a couple. That is what we are doing now. 

I like to thanks those who gave me some very sound advice, I'm not acting like some 28 year old with some new toy now, but I will say this, Addiction comes in many forms, even if you don't do drugs, alcohol or some of the other destructive vice. 

And to answer one person's question: I did offer my wife a way out! She is absolutely aware of all she would get in a Divorce and she would still have my support in anything else she might need after that. We are still friends and I love her as such. I don't know why she choose not to divorce me? I really don't. She only said, we will both get through this! This comment came from her after our counselor had a private session with my wife one on one. I don't know what information was exchanged between them and I suppose it doesn't really concern me, I have enough of my **** to get fixed and I need to work on me for awhile and then on our marriage. 

Today , I am more at peace with myself , I hide nothing now, and I can go through my day with no anxiety. It is nice to be a peace, if any of you can understand what I am talking about.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

HeartfallXO said:


> Update:
> 1. I had No contact with OW in 7 days until now.
> 2. I've gone to see a counselor who gave me some very sobering advice.
> 3. Told my wife everything over the weekend. Perhaps one of the most difficult gut wrenching things I've ever experienced in my life. She yelled at me for along time, hit me a few times and destroyed/smashed some personal items. Left the house and came back several hours later. Confessed to me that she had some 1 night stand 3 years ago but could never tell me. She was crying while telling me. In brief we got into the details of that incident & how it came to past. I told her 70% of that night was my fault! We never should have gone to that stupid party and when the guest pulled out their Marijuana, Instead of me leaving alone when she refused to leave with me, I should have insisted more!
> ...


The answer why this felt sooo real and was such a turn on. There is a chemical in the brain called dopamine. Think of it as our happy chemical. ONce we get a massive dose. Like having a stripper give you an unexpected bj. We want more. The attention we haven't had releases more. You become addicted to the woman. The sexual acts the puppy love. You begin to chase it and with that much time an attention you begin to attach emotions and feelings to the woman. Then the time and attention gets taken from your wife. 
You then the emotions that are reserved for your wife are shared. You still love your wife but the physical and active love goes to the new woman. 

You become a sex and attention junkie. Eventually things start to settle the OW doesn't give you that same rush. You search and look for another person. You go hunting and trying to find someone else to give you that high. 

Does that sound familiar? It is all shallow. Notice that the depth was never there. It was all fun and games with no real issues. It was a fantasy that seemed great until reality kicked you in your *&^. 
(On a side note this better not be JB100)


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## HeartfallXO (Aug 4, 2012)

Interesting, My counselor was mentioning that same chemical release but she did not go into the other aspects. Who is JB100??? 

Anyway, badbane: I do clearly understand what your saying, except I did not seek anyone else but this OW, Maybe that is irrelevant, but I can clearly see becoming some sex junkie towards the OW. But really, my affections etc were all directed towards her during that time, no one else. I also believed every word that came from her mouth due to how she backed her mouth up with her actions. This is also now irrelevant! as well. 

The OW did try to contact me thru my company email, but that was a big mistake, because I had already alerted the IT team to block her and notify me when it occurs. They told they intercepted the message, allowed me to read it and asked If I wanted to block a series of IP/Mac address's after I read it. I told them yes. The nature of what she wrote was not vulgar,rude, loud or explicit in anyway? Surprising, Nothing more than a reminder, that she is there for me if I need her, she is not going anyway during my time of crisis? ". 

My Counselor told me , she is one real piece work! along with some other things I can't mention here. The 1st person I told was my counselor , not my wife. I did not think she needed to hear about this episode, I was later corrected and informed, to allow my wife to settle down for a day and then tell her the steps I took. 

I am very guarded, suspicious of all women I come in contact with now, that might be a poor way of saying, it, but lets just say my awareness level is raised and my wife and I talk about everything now. ....Where before we didn't.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

HeartfallXO said:


> Interesting, My counselor was mentioning that same chemical release but she did not go into the other aspects. Who is JB100???
> 
> Anyway, badbane: I do clearly understand what your saying, except I did not seek anyone else but this OW, Maybe that is irrelevant, but I can clearly see becoming some sex junkie towards the OW. But really, my affections etc were all directed towards her during that time, no one else. I also believed every word that came from her mouth due to how she backed her mouth up with her actions. This is also now irrelevant! as well.
> 
> ...


Time heals all wounds but always remember her wounds are all the way to her core. At least you both are not hiding anything anymore. But you both have to relearn how to be married again.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I think you are full of BOLOGNA  for lack of a better word!!


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## HeartfallXO (Aug 4, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> I think you are full of BOLOGNA  for lack of a better word!!


And I think people like you are beneath my toilet, stowed in areas I have left to clean. Keep your cynicism to your measurable self toad. We all have our pet peeves I suppose, among-st my worst, having to deal with morons who think they know everything. I worked with a few, but they themselves are empty broken hypocrite vessels. Normally, I should have said nothing, twisted f..ks like you get off inflicting pain upon others. Yeah, I screwed up! but whats your excuse? 

I am not special, and I am no different than allot of other men who have lost their way, some never find their way back, and a few don't wont to! I know many would have told me to just ignore you, they would be right. :rofl:


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## lisabella (Aug 17, 2012)

Very interesting story, sounds like mid life crisis that turned into a -one way- love story. 

You truly love your wife IMO but you are still hoping for some hope for a future with the OW who to me is a professional. If she would have any true feelings for you and I doubt hookers are capable of this (this isn't a fairytale where satan isn't involved), she bloody hell would tell you off for disappearing on her! Her last behaviour comes across as slightly retarded to me.


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## HeartfallXO (Aug 4, 2012)

lisabella said:


> Very interesting story, sounds like mid life crisis that turned into a -one way- love story.
> 
> You truly love your wife IMO but you are still hoping for some hope for a future with the OW who to me is a professional. If she would have any true feelings for you and I doubt hookers are capable of this (this isn't a fairytale where satan isn't involved), she bloody hell would tell you off for disappearing on her! Her last behaviour comes across as slightly retarded to me.


To be far, to this OW, I left out one detail I thought was irrelevant at the time. When I disclosed the whole matter to my wife, her 1st reaction was violent, she also said some deep hurtful things to get back at me and it worked. In the moment of me feeling like scum, I told this to the OW, who replied back to me "that maybe its best we no longer see each other, until you get your head clear".

My last comment to her was, Terrific, your abandoning me too. I then stopped speaking with her, a few days later my wife apologized and agreed we should see that counselor together. After a few more weeks not contacting the OW, she sent that message to me. So, really, its my fault! Only my fault. If I would have said nothing & made no contact like my counselor advised, chances are nothing would have happened. Just wanted to clear that up, so you know the right place to aim gun.


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