# Drunk Husband Treated Me HORRIBLY



## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

Hello everyone! So glad I found this forum.

My husband had some friends over and two out of three of them got drunk. My husband is pretty responsible when it comes to drinking, I have only seen him drunk once before last night. I grew up in a household where my mother was a belligerent drunk and so he knows that crossing that boundary is a huge no no to me. 

I worked a hectic day, ended up working OT and going to a school function until ten pm. I came home, did some homework and got in my PJs and went to bed a little after midnight. My husband asked if I could take him and his friend to Denny's, and I told him I was going to sleep because I had work in the morning. He gets upset and tells me "f you" and "go to sleep you stupid wench" and calling me a ***** and all of this awful stuff because I won't take him to Denny's. I already didn't feel well from working a hectic day and getting home at ten. He threw his wallet and acted like a complete child in front of his friends. Their non-drunk friend took him to Denny's and to be honest I would have preferred if he stayed at his friends house.

He comes home last night and lays close in bed with me and I am just livid and scoot away. I don't even know what to say to him or if I should dismiss it because he was drunk. I yelled back at him last night telling him I was not going to tolerate him treating me like crap and to sober up. He then told me to "leave." To me it seemed to be like a dangling of divorce at me. Not cool ever. 

He has said similar things to me before when he's gotten REALLY mad a handful of times earlier in our relationship but got a lot better. He hasn't said anything like that to me in a long time. But this is the first time he has been drunk and said nasty things.

I realize he was drunk, but I am not okay to deal with him when he's like this. I didn't deserve that and I don't know what to say next. I want to convey to him that he cannot dangle divorce over my head when drunk or sober, or call me names. I feel like my wishes of going to bed were not respected and he acted out and treated me like crap. Any help on what to say to get my point across that I will not tolerate this without giving him an ultimatum?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Write him a letter outlining how he made you feel, and ask him if he intends on repeating this kind of thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

This calls for an ultimatum. Doesn't matter if it sounds like one or not, that's exactly what it is.

I'd tell him if it ever happens again then you're gone, and be prepared to follow through.

If he's not showing remorse now for the way he treated you when he was drunk, you've got some major issues here.


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## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

FreakingFedUp said:


> Hello everyone! So glad I found this forum.
> 
> My husband had some friends over and two out of three of them got drunk. My husband is pretty responsible when it comes to drinking, I have only seen him drunk once before last night. I grew up in a household where my mother was a belligerent drunk and so he knows that crossing that boundary is a huge no no to me.
> 
> ...


Last time I checked being drunk was NO EXCUSE to treat someone poorly. Screw that. Does he ever treat you like that when he's sober? That is TOTALLY abusive. Just picture yourself doing the same thing to him. How do you think he would react?

What other problems are you having in your marriage? Do you have kids? He can absolutely NOT behave that way or you should show him the door. Especially when he knows your mom was an issue in your life already. WTF.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

After sobering up, does your husband remember what he said and what was his response when you told him?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Just so that we get a more complete picture.

How long have the two of you been married?

Do you have children? If so how old are they?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

We teach people how they can treat us. For that reason, I agree that you need to tell him very clearly that you will not tolerate being talked to and treated like that. An ultimatum is needed.

Part of what he needs to do is to tell his friends that he know he was out of line talking to you and treating you like that.. an open, public appology to you.


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> After sobering up, does your husband remember what he said and what was his response when you told him?


I am not sure yet. I woke up to go to work and haven't spoken to him since last night. I was furious. We both ended up yelling so our last encounter was not pleasant. He did try to cuddle up next to me as soon as he got home from eating. I am wondering what I should say if he DOES remember. Or even what to say if he doesn't lol.


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Just so that we get a more complete picture.
> 
> How long have the two of you been married?
> 
> Do you have children? If so how old are they?


Hi love. We have been together for five years, married for over three. No kids.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He screwed up. I'll bet he apologizes profusely. If so, accept it but let him know it's not acceptable. 
If it's a real apology. Try not to let it grind on you mentally--/ let it go. If telling at him and crying and getting it all out with him helps you move on-- do it. Don't keep your anger inside and let it turn to bitterness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FreakingFedUp said:


> I am not sure yet. I woke up to go to work and haven't spoken to him since last night. I was furious. We both ended up yelling so our last encounter was not pleasant. He did try to cuddle up next to me as soon as he got home from eating. I am wondering what I should say if he DOES remember. *Or even what to say if he doesn't lol*.


Do the same thing whether he says that he remembers or not.

You say that you have not spoken since last night. Would that be usual for the two of you to not talk in the morning?

It makes me think that he knows what he did and is in a stew now wondering when all hell will break lose on him.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> He has said similar things to me before when he's gotten REALLY mad a handful of times earlier in our relationship but got a lot better. He hasn't said anything like that to me in a long time. But this is the first time he has been drunk and said nasty things.


OP, now is the time to let him know that this can NEVER happen again. If you don't nip this in the bud _right now _his bad treatment of you will not only continue but probably also escalate. 

Alcohol is positively _no excuse_ for treating anyone badly, and if someone uses it as an excuse perhaps it's time for them to stick to soft drinks.


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> FreakingFedUp said:
> 
> 
> > I am not sure yet. I woke up to go to work and haven't spoken to him since last night. I was furious. We both ended up yelling so our last encounter was not pleasant. He did try to cuddle up next to me as soon as he got home from eating. I am wondering what I should say if he DOES remember. *Or even what to say if he doesn't lol*.
> ...


He wasn't awake when I got up for work


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I was married to two alcoholics. Your husband doesn't sound like an alkie, but he does sound like someone who is a nasty when he drinks too much. Frankly, very few people are pleasant when drunk. They're stupid, annoying, irritating ... well, you get my drift.

He might not remember much of what happened, but he probably remembers enough to realize he f*cked up. But he's not being man enough to own up to it by humbly asking for your forgiveness.

That means it's up to you. Boundaries that aren't enforced aren't taken seriously. If you don't want a repeat of this scenario, then you have to state the consequences for his actions. And mean it.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

He owes you an apology and I hope you get it. If he doesn't remember and bring it up you need to tell him what happened, and the ONLY acceptable resolution is him apologizing genuinely and profusely. If he does, be kind and accept it. If he doesn't, and gets defensive....well, come back to us and some will have advice!


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

SecondTime'Round said:


> He owes you an apology and I hope you get it. If he doesn't remember and bring it up you need to tell him what happened, and the ONLY acceptable resolution is him apologizing genuinely and profusely. If he does, be kind and accept it. If he doesn't, and gets defensive....well, come back to us and some will have advice!


Apparently he remembers everything and basically told me I deserved it because I didn't take them to Denny's. LOL what a freaking joke!!! That is the most ridiculous crap I have ever heard


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

FreakingFedUp said:


> Apparently he remembers everything and basically told me I deserved it because I didn't take them to Denny's. LOL what a freaking joke!!! That is the most ridiculous crap I have ever heard


That is ridiculous.

I would tell him that his behavior is not acceptable and unless he changes his attitude immediately, that is going to be the end of the marriage.


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

After much talking and him telling me that I deserved being named called and him acting like an idiot because I told him I wasn't taking him and his friends to Denny's because I was going to sleep, I asked him what he meant when he told me to leave when I told him I refused to be treated like crap and he told me to "take it as how I want". Wtf? Did you mean divorce or leave the house? Why would anyone think that is okay to say "take it as you want"? Obviously someone who does not care.


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

technovelist said:


> FreakingFedUp said:
> 
> 
> > Apparently he remembers everything and basically told me I deserved it because I didn't take them to Denny's. LOL what a freaking joke!!! That is the most ridiculous crap I have ever heard
> ...


This isn't the first time he's acted like this. I am really over this. I am balancing in my head whether or not I would want to put up with this for the rest of my life and I am leaning towards no. : ) Great person until he loses his temper. I will offer for him to either changes his attitude immediately or he goes to anger management or that's the last straw. He is acting like he does not care.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

FreakingFedUp said:


> After much talking and him telling me that I deserved being named called and him acting like an idiot because I told him I wasn't taking him and his friends to Denny's because I was going to sleep, I asked him what he meant when he told me to leave when I told him I refused to be treated like crap and he told me to "take it as how I want". Wtf? Did you mean divorce or leave the house? Why would anyone think that is okay to say "take it as you want"? Obviously someone who does not care.


My ex and I reconciled after a 4 year divorce (the reconciliation ended in disaster). During one of our counseling sessions during our attempted reconciliation, I told the counselor that he frequently motioned to the door (during an argument) and said "there's the door, just leave." My counselor pointed out to him (and me) how disrespectful and dismissive that was, and also how much it spoke to his overall commitment to (NOT) making our relationship work. She was one hundred percent right. He didn't care AT ALL. 

Think. Would YOU ever say that to someone with whom you wanted to honestly make a relationship work?


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

SecondTime'Round said:


> FreakingFedUp said:
> 
> 
> > After much talking and him telling me that I deserved being named called and him acting like an idiot because I told him I wasn't taking him and his friends to Denny's because I was going to sleep, I asked him what he meant when he told me to leave when I told him I refused to be treated like crap and he told me to "take it as how I want". Wtf? Did you mean divorce or leave the house? Why would anyone think that is okay to say "take it as you want"? Obviously someone who does not care.
> ...


Hell no!! He basically did not care that I have him an ultimatum that if he does again what he did last night, he won't have a wife to come home to. He's a great guy unless he loses his temper. Not sure if that is something that can be worked on or if I should just let go because he is giving me nothing but resistance.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

FreakingFedUp said:


> Hell no!! He basically did not care that I have him an ultimatum that if he does again what he did last night, he won't have a wife to come home to. He's a great guy unless he loses his temper. Not sure if that is something that can be worked on or if I should just let go because he is giving me nothing but resistance.


In what ways is he a great guy? Just curious, not trying to argue.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

This is contempt you are dealing with. This can be the death knell of a marriage. He's not drunk now and he's not in a temper. You need to decide if you want to stay with someone who treats you with contempt. I wouldn't want to.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

alte Dame said:


> This is contempt you are dealing with. This can be the death knell of a marriage. He's not drunk now and he's not in a temper. You need to decide if you want to stay with someone who treats you with contempt. I wouldn't want to.


So true. Contempt and disdain. I've been there.


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

SecondTime'Round said:


> FreakingFedUp said:
> 
> 
> > Hell no!! He basically did not care that I have him an ultimatum that if he does again what he did last night, he won't have a wife to come home to. He's a great guy unless he loses his temper. Not sure if that is something that can be worked on or if I should just let go because he is giving me nothing but resistance.
> ...


I like his morals, very old school. Works hard, goes to class. Nearly done with his phD. Helps with chores without being asked, basically will give me anything I want. He treats me well WHEN he is not angry. He pushes me to be better at work and school. Yet when he is angry, he uses the demeaning type of strategy. Will look down on me for going to community college, think my job is easy and doesn't understand that my job is exhausting (surgical team vet tech). It's insulting. And it isn't okay. It RARELY happens that he gets mad, but basically mommy never told him no, so if he doesn't get his way he throws a b!tch fit.


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

alte Dame said:


> This is contempt you are dealing with. This can be the death knell of a marriage. He's not drunk now and he's not in a temper. You need to decide if you want to stay with someone who treats you with contempt. I wouldn't want to.


Hit the nail on the head. I am in a financial struggle right now (paying off debt that will be done by next paycheck). Just figuring out whether or not this can be worked out. I don't want to walk out if I haven't done everything. Suggestions? Doubt he'd go to anger management. You know, probably below him and everything. He IS a law student.


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

He told me that I emasculated him by not taking him to Denny's in front of his friends. Are you crazy? And I'm not your damn slave!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Omg, he's my ex husband, although my ex is much less educated. With such a limited description, it's impossible to say for sure, but I highly doubt this man will ever respect you. Or anyone else besides himself.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> I like his morals, very old school.





> He told me that I emasculated him by not taking him to Denny's in front of his friends. Are you crazy? And I'm not your damn slave!


Those two things probably go together. Part of his "old school" morals is likely a very set idea on the roles of men and women. Men say "Jump!" and women ask, "How high?"


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

Starstarfish said:


> > I like his morals, very old school.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Perhaps. I am not that woman though and he knows it. I just tried talking to him and reasoning it out and he isn't willing to right now but we will figure something out later when we have both thought about it. At least he's trying. He better figure it out or I am gone, I can tell you that.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think the condescension will just get worse. This is really up to you.

I can tell you that, in the early years of my marriage, whenever we argued, my H would say, 'If you don't like it, file for divorce.' It was his way of getting me to shut up.

After a half dozen episodes like this, I told him that the next time he did that I would take him up on it. That stopped that forever (at least until today & we've been married for 33 years).

I wouldn't put up with the sort of disrespect that is implied with that manipulation tactic. It was bullying and contemptuous.

I'm not sure what to tell you other than it will probably get worse since he appears to feel superior to you.

You could give him an ultimatum about his behavior and wait to see if he does it again, at which point you would want to follow through.


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

alte Dame said:


> I think the condescension will just get worse. This is really up to you.
> 
> I can tell you that, in the early years of my marriage, whenever we argued, my H would say, 'If you don't like it, file for divorce.' It was his way of getting me to shut up.
> 
> ...


Any suggestions other than divorce if it happened again as an ultimatum? I want to follow through with an ultimatum so he learns that there are consequences, but when he is heated he says things he doesn't mean and regrets it. AKA him acting like he doesn't care changes a day or two later after cooling off. He's a hot head and stays mad for a few days.

I would like something serious enough that would get him to stop. It doesn't happen often, but every few months (sometimes not directed at me, but someone else) is a freaking nuisance and unnecessary. He needs to watch his temper. Otherwise he is perfectly fine. He needs to stop that. Maybe I just don't respond to his petty outrages and just walk out and go visit a girlfriend?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

FreakingFedUp said:


> Apparently he remembers everything and basically told me I deserved it because I didn't take them to Denny's. LOL what a freaking joke!!! That is the most ridiculous crap I have ever heard


Then he doesn't deserve you.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

You don't have any kids. Next time he says leave - go somewhere and stay with a friend or go stay in hotel and chill out by yourself. 

Every few months is still too often. He needs to quit, or you need to consider MC to discuss this. I mean, is every few months for the rest of your life something to look forward to? Ugh.


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

Aaaaand he just apologized. Woah. The man never apologizes. We set aside some time to talk later. He is getting better about this as he gets older. Happens rarely towards me and I get an apology.

You guys are amazing with your suggestions and support. I cannot thank you enough. I feel so much better already because of this forum. 

Any suggestions of how to deal with hotheads? Anyone have experience with something that worked well?


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

Starstarfish said:


> You don't have any kids. Next time he says leave - go somewhere and stay with a friend or go stay in hotel and chill out by yourself.
> 
> Every few months is still too often. He needs to quit, or you need to consider MC to discuss this. I mean, is every few months for the rest of your life something to look forward to? Ugh.


Luckily it's not aimed at me every few months. He gets angry once every few months BUT it doesn't get this bad. He is a really laid back guy so it is astounding how angry he gets when he is mad sometimes.

I THINK he gets it from his dad. His mom is a doormat and his dad verbally abuses her by calling her an idiot and slamming doors and stuff. It's supposedly gotten better since DH has gotten older, WTF?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> I THINK he gets it from his dad. His mom is a doormat and his dad verbally abuses her by calling her an idiot and slamming doors and stuff. It's supposedly gotten better since DH has gotten older, WTF?


There's no think about it, that's the example he's seen. His mom takes it, and some part of him (consciously or not) thinks you should too. He basically had random bursts of man PMS, apparently. 

Is there a specific timeline for it?


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## FreakingFedUp (Jan 30, 2016)

Starstarfish said:


> > I THINK he gets it from his dad. His mom is a doormat and his dad verbally abuses her by calling her an idiot and slamming doors and stuff. It's supposedly gotten better since DH has gotten older, WTF?
> 
> 
> There's no think about it, that's the example he's seen. His mom takes it, and some part of him (consciously or not) thinks you should too. He basically had random bursts of man PMS, apparently.
> ...


Mm, towards me it is sporadic. I haven't had that happen to me in over a year. Him getting infuriated doesn't happen all that much, but it is exhausting when it does happen. This is the first time he has actually apologized vs. just figuring out a solution to the issue at hand and moving on. Seems to be less frequent and better communication after it happens.

It still is exhausting when it happens. I think as I have gotten older I've become less tolerant to crap. I fume, stay mad, then want to talk by the next day and he seems unready to talk things out for two days or so. I end up pissing off our situatio more because I want to fix it NOW. But it shouldn't happen in the first place. I told him he needs to communicate more clearly rather than blowing up on me, firstly. And second off if it happens again I am walking out and spending the night with one of my girls. No ifs, ands or buts.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FreakingFedUp said:


> He told me that I emasculated him by not taking him to Denny's in front of his friends. Are you crazy? And I'm not your damn slave!


Did you tell him that?


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

If you want to show him you aren't going to put up with it, next time he does it, just leave. Go to a friend's house or a hotel - whatever. If he calls or texts, just tell him simply that you're alive. Don't call him or message him about anything else. Stay gone for as long as you think is good until he starts to get that you don't want to be around him when he acts like that. After a bit, attempt to talk to him again, if he shows no remorse, end the conversation and go dark on him again. 

I get that you love him and he's your H, but you two have no kids right now. This is the time you need to learn about one another and if bringing children into the world with one another is a good idea. It's much harder to leave after children (because you're thinking you want the child to have both parents, splitting time with parents, house, cars, bills, etc). So, if this is a deal breaker for you, meaning that you will not put up with this behavior long term, he needs to know that. Tell him flat out you'll leave...then DO IT. Don't say you'll do it and never leave...then he will call your bluff. I lived that stupid cycle for 6.5 years. ugh. Wanted to pull my own face off. Don't be me lol.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FreakingFedUp said:


> Any suggestions other than divorce if it happened again as an ultimatum? I want to follow through with an ultimatum so he learns that there are consequences, but when he is heated he says things he doesn't mean and regrets it. AKA him acting like he doesn't care changes a day or two later after cooling off. He's a hot head and stays mad for a few days.
> 
> I would like something serious enough that would get him to stop. It doesn't happen often, but every few months (sometimes not directed at me, but someone else) is a freaking nuisance and unnecessary. He needs to watch his temper. Otherwise he is perfectly fine. He needs to stop that. Maybe I just don't respond to his petty outrages and just walk out and go visit a girlfriend?


Every few months? Do a google search on "cycle of abuse". That's what is going on here.

Abuse is about controlling you. He is using angry, abusive outbursts to control you. He thinks it's working.

If you give him an ultimatum, it might get him to stop his outbursts out of fear of losing you. Or he might escalate to try to increase his control over you. Be ready for either. Have a plan in place just in case he escalates... it's called a 'safety plan' and/or and 'exit plan'.

I was married to a guy who was like your husband. His outbursts got more and more frequent over time and eventually crossed the line to him shoving me on the ground, pushing me, picking me up by my neck and slamming me into the wall, twisting my arms, etc. 

We had a small child so leaving was not that easy. I kept reading everything I could and was in counseling.

Two good books on the topic are:

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft 

Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner 


Your idea of leaving when he acts like that is right on.

In the Dance of Anger they talk about a way to handle the outbursts. I used it and it worked.

The way it works is that you get a safe word. The book uses “STOP”. When you can tell that a discussion if about to explode you put up your hand in the stop sign and say firmly “STOP”. IF he does not stop, you repeat it once or twice more. Then you say something like “I will not engage in an angry outburst. I’m leaving for a while.” And then you leave, go to another room, go for a walk, to a hotel, to a friend’s house, whatever. 

When I did this I practiced in front of a mirror until it was an automatic response. I would imagine him escalating and then stay it out loud, put my hand up, etc.

Then I sat him down and told him that I was done with his outbursts. They are damaging to our relationship and I will not allow him to treat me like that. So I described the “STOP” method and told him that is what would happen. I would go off and calm myself down. And he was responsible for calming himself down. We could talk later after we could both do it calmly.

It took few weeks but we got the hang of it. He got to the point that if I said “STOP” or he realized that he was about to explode, he would just grab his helmet and go for a long bike ride.

It did fix that part of our relationship. Sadly we had other serious problems, like when I discovered that he had been cheating during most of the marriage. But hey, the “STOP” thing worked


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

This guy is never going to change. If you can live with this sort of person, if you can accept that you'll be subject to random acts of anger and abuse, and that he'll disrespect you as he pleases, and it might even escalate to physical, then sure you can go on like this indefinitely. Lots of people do.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'm shocked it took him so long to apologize. I do not think you should give an ultimatum. I think when this happens again, you are ready to leave for a week. Stay the week with a friend, whether you want to or not. Train him out of this childish bs and he will be fine. The way you describe the good side, he does care about you. You just have to show him what your limits are. He will NOT like you disappearing for a week. He will be on his knees apologizing after a week wondering what is going to happen. If it happens again after that, stay gone a month. If he's that damned stupid to do it again, file for divorce. 
People will treat you the way you let them. I am hopeful for you. Definitely a hard-headed but to crack.😊
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
That isn't enough. 
He got drunk and shouted at his wife, then didn't apologize afterwards. Treating your spouse badly doesn't match my idea of good morals. 

Yes he works hard - so do a lot of people. I'll say though that when I worked on my PhD, I didn't have time to get drunk, and I never yelled at my wife - even when I was utterly exhausted from work. 

When you are married, doing your share of chores is to be expected, not something to be admired. 







FreakingFedUp said:


> I like his morals, very old school. Works hard, goes to class. Nearly done with his phD. Helps with chores without being asked, basically will give me anything I want. He treats me well WHEN he is not angry. He pushes me to be better at work and school. Yet when he is angry, he uses the demeaning type of strategy. Will look down on me for going to community college, think my job is easy and doesn't understand that my job is exhausting (surgical team vet tech). It's insulting. And it isn't okay. It RARELY happens that he gets mad, but basically mommy never told him no, so if he doesn't get his way he throws a b!tch fit.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

OP do you realize your first few post you were pissed of at his behavior but later on you were down playing his behavior because "it's not always directed at me" and "he apologized". That is typical enablers behavior on your part, I'm not implying your husband is an alcoholic, what I am implying is your husband has issues and you are letting him get away with it. These monthly tantrums and playing mad at you have got to stop. 

As someone else mentioned we teach people how to treat us, if you allow his behavior to continue you will be his emotional punching bag forever. You need to stop making excuses for him and enforce some consequences.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

One time is one time too many. Treating you like that is unacceptable. No wonder you are so frustrated and angry. From someone who thinks 'normally' (for want of a better word), the incredible frustration in being with someone who cannot or will not admit that their actions were despicable would be more than many could stand. 

You say that this doesn't happen often, but it's not just the one night, it's also all the stuff he said AFTER that night that was also unacceptable, such as you deserving it etc. 

In regards to him possibly improving over time, just look at his parents if you need to see how long this will continue. He is just like his father.


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