# What to do?



## unhappy74 (Mar 30, 2015)

Well, I'm at a cross roads & not sure what I should do. I've been married for almost a yr & half and have been with my wife for over 2yrs total. We were friends/co-workers first then things changed & we started dating. Over the last yr or so I started finding things about my wife that really bother me (past & present stuff included). We tried couples therapy & that was squashed after she was caught lying. She is very untrustworthy when it comes to alot of things (not sure if she's cheating or not) but I know she talks to people that I would prefer her not to (ex's & stuff). Normally, I would say "see ya" but the hardest thing is this.... I am a single dad that has full custody (my son's birth mother is a loser) & now my son really loves my wife & for the first time he has a stable mother figure. So, what do I do? That's the big question. Looking for real advice not just bashing comments, thank you.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

unhappy74 said:


> Well, I'm at a cross roads & not sure what I should do. I've been married for almost a yr & half and have been with my wife for over 2yrs total. We were friends/co-workers first then things changed & we started dating. Over the last yr or so I started finding things about my wife that really bother me (past & present stuff included). We tried couples therapy & that was squashed after she was caught lying. She is very untrustworthy when it comes to alot of things (not sure if she's cheating or not) but I know she talks to people that I would prefer her not to (ex's & stuff). Normally, I would say "see ya" but the hardest thing is this.... I am a single dad that has full custody (my son's birth mother is a loser) & now my son really loves my wife & for the first time he has a stable mother figure. So, what do I do? That's the big question. Looking for real advice not just bashing comments, thank you.


Sir you can't fix one bad or tough situation by getting involved in another. All you will do if hurt your son by showing him what a bad relationship looks like. Be strong and let this woman go. It's better to be single then make another mistake.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> Sir you can't fix one bad or tough situation by getting involved in another. All you will do if hurt your son by showing him what a bad relationship looks like. Be strong and let this woman go. It's better to be single then make another mistake.


another way to look at things.

The key thing about being married and staying married is your ability to SOLVE problems together. Just because something is a bad situation does not mean you give up and throw it away, or your possibly teaching your son just to be a quitter.

Trust and communication are the foundation of a relationship. At the same time you also have to be respectful that your wife had a life before she met you and you can not fairly possess and control her past.

Work on trust and communication with a touch of respect.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

PS: In case you have seen the movie Interstellar, I'll add a line from that movie. AI robots were very advanced and were programmed to only communicate with 90% honesty to humans.

Cooper: Hey TARS, what's your honesty parameter?
TARS: 90 percent.
Cooper: 90 percent?
TARS: Absolute honesty isn't always the most diplomatic nor the safest form of communication with emotional beings.
Cooper: Okay, 90 percent it is.​


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

badsanta said:


> another way to look at things.
> 
> The key thing about being married and staying married is your ability to SOLVE problems together. *Just because something is a bad situation does not mean you give up and throw it away, or your possibly teaching your son just to be a quitter.*
> 
> ...


Would normally agree but you can't work on anything when one person is lying and not acknowledging the problem


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Does your wife know how you're feeling? That you're seriously questioning staying married to her?

How do you think she'd react if you spoke to her about this?


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

74, I'm afraid I agree with Wolf....as tough as its going to be I think the wisest thing to do is to leave.

I know leaving is never easy...its a tough decision to make...made even more difficult by the fact your son is attached to her.

However, you've only known her two years and been married 18months (you only dated for 6 months..??? Not long enough) so leaving will be alot easier than leaving after 18 years!

Yes you could try talking to her....but listen to your gut feeling.

My wife isn't interested in sex...we went to MC...my gut feeling was that she wasn't interested in that either because she thinks sex once maybe twice a year is OK.
My gut feeling was right.


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## unhappy74 (Mar 30, 2015)

frusdil said:


> Does your wife know how you're feeling? That you're seriously questioning staying married to her?
> 
> How do you think she'd react if you spoke to her about this?



I have spoken to her many times about alot of issues. Her response/compromise is to hide/lie better. That's not what I expected from a person I'm married to. I expected that if something bothers the other person, then you don't do it.


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## another shot (Apr 14, 2015)

unhappy74 said:


> Her response/compromise is to hide/lie better.


No good for your son to learn as he gets older. Get out of your marriage to the undeserving liar before it gets harder later on when the ties are even stronger and more damage is done. Your son will understand.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If she won't work on fixing the issues with you, she will be a bad role model for your son. You will teach him that a lying, disrespectful relationship is normal, and he will have troubles in his future relationships as a result. He will also learn to tolerate such behavior and not look out for his own best interests.

One other observation: it appears that you married her after only 6 months of knowing each other, which is at least a year too soon to really know someone. I think you see that now, so please do not make the same mistake in the future.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

unhappy74 said:


> Well, I'm at a cross roads & not sure what I should do. I've been married for almost a yr & half and have been with my wife for over 2yrs total. We were friends/co-workers first then things changed & we started dating. Over the last yr or so I started finding things about my wife that really bother me (past & present stuff included). We tried couples therapy & that was squashed after she was caught lying. She is very untrustworthy when it comes to alot of things (not sure if she's cheating or not) but I know she talks to people that I would prefer her not to (ex's & stuff). Normally, I would say "see ya" but the hardest thing is this.... I am a single dad that has full custody (my son's birth mother is a loser) & now my son really loves my wife & for the first time he has a stable mother figure. So, what do I do? That's the big question. Looking for real advice not just bashing comments, thank you.


It appears you have jumped out the frying pan and into the fire. For me, the lying, deceiving and continued "friendship" with her X is enough for me to say see ya. Children are resilient. Children need one stable person in their lives. Your it.


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## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> If she won't work on fixing the issues with you, she will be a bad role model for your son. You will teach him that a lying, disrespectful relationship is normal, and he will have troubles in his future relationships as a result. He will also learn to tolerate such behavior and not look out for his own best interests.


:iagree: 

this is absolutely spot on advice. The thread should be closed with this as the only response.


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