# Women, spice it up, for us!



## InstantNoodles (Sep 28, 2009)

I have seen to many threads on this place and I am two weeks new. Want to please a man in bed? It is very very simple

TRY SOMETHING NEW

It doesnt have to be anything huge, just somthing that tells your partner that you may have read somthing, or maybe you are feeling somthing that you both havnt before, it is a TURN ON. Most importantly, you show the dominance on taking the step to do it, no matter what it is.

Seriously, and especially during sex- I doubt any man would ever, EVER stop and ask what you are doing.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

its all about exhibiting desire. and it goes for either party. its so much more when both want to go the extra mile to please the other


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## CarolineMRF (Sep 2, 2009)

Here I will agree...The right words at the right time are the catalyst to many hot marriages....They make a man young...Sex is not necessarily a bedroom orgy...It need not be planned...Just a simple smile and suggestive word can get the thought across....It is remembering these things that are so important in a marriage that make it so wonderful....Believe me, I know...


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## crazyanimal (Oct 10, 2009)

I agree, spice keeps it interesting but it goes both ways.

If both partners go to the bedroom with the thought in mind to please their partner and not themselves... then partners end up happy.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I find it difficult not to find this kind of statement a bit um... obvious. But as crazyanimal said, it goes both ways. There are a lot of lazy people out there when it comes to sex. Both partners need to contribute to a healthy sex life.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Yeah, its both parties responsibilities. Even GREAT sex, you gotta throw a curve ball into the mix. I'l planning a pretty big curve ball here soon...my H will love it. But, he does the same for me. Sex SHOULD be give and take. As should the rest of the relationship.


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## Blaze (Sep 16, 2009)

It might be obvious to some, but to many (I bet) it's easy to fall into a routine and maritial sex becomes mundane and simply accepted between both people. 

Then out of the blue one day (like what happened to me recently) one of the couple awakens and tries new stuff only to have the husband wonder what's going on and blame her (me) for having a freakin' affair online or something. Sheesh.

Blaze


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

I was awake about 2 this morning with our oldest. Once I got him back to sleep, I was awake. I woke my H up with a surprise BJ and then some great nookie. He thanked me this morning, and called me his little devil. Gotta love spice!!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Mommybean said:


> I was awake about 2 this morning with our oldest. Once I got him back to sleep, I was awake. I woke my H up with a surprise BJ and then some great nookie. He thanked me this morning, and called me his little devil. Gotta love spice!!


you are too cool:smthumbup:


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Perfect. 



Mommybean said:


> I was awake about 2 this morning with our oldest. Once I got him back to sleep, I was awake. I woke my H up with a surprise BJ and then some great nookie. He thanked me this morning, and called me his little devil. Gotta love spice!!


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## joevn (Oct 23, 2009)

Mommybean said:


> I was awake about 2 this morning with our oldest. Once I got him back to sleep, I was awake. I woke my H up with a surprise BJ and then some great nookie. He thanked me this morning, and called me his little devil. Gotta love spice!!


Sounds great. Kudos to you.

Not to nitpick (okay, i am). Not sure about the "thanking" part though.

I've never thanked my wife for sex, and I sure as hell don't feel right if she thanks me for it. We will say "Hey, that's hot" or "whew, we should do that more often--giggle" or "man, that seems easy when we read it but we won't try that again soon." 

But thanking? Hmmm... no. Dunno why...


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Why NOT thank me? Good lord, its not like he slipped me a tip and booked his next appointment or something. I thank my H, as he does me, for a plethora of little AND big things each day. I thank him for being an awesome father, I thank him for doing all of the work on himself to become the man he wants to be...he thanks me for standing beside him, for being a great Mom...and we BOTH thank each other when we get some surprise action....can't see whats wrong with that at all.....


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

joevn said:


> But thanking? Hmmm... no. Dunno why...


Well, half the joy of life might be passing you by.

My wife and I are always giving thanks to each other and to God or the universe or what ever you want to call it. Some people live lives of pure crap. We are so blessed, it's only right to be aware of that and give thanks. Being thankful makes you receptive to even more abundance in your life.

The opposite of being thankful is thinking the world owes you a living.

Just a thought...


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Gratitude is a wonderful thing!! Why would anyone feel strange thanking someone or being thanked? To me, if you're not grateful, you're either arrogant, thinking you deserve whatever you get just by virtue of existing, or you don't get that a lot of marriages are devoid of good sex and you're clueless that you SHOULD be grateful.

And then expressing gratitude is the next step. 

My husband and I thank one another shoot, I think every day for at least one thing or another.

Joe may be afraid to express real, honest emotion.


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## joevn (Oct 23, 2009)

Well, before I get jumped some more, let me say this.

We verbally thank and physically thank each other for what we do/what we give each other all the time. Just not for sex.

My wife hates the idea of being thanked for sex. We had this discussion. It's not a soup kitchen, and she's not doing it for charity. High fives, yes. Saying that was awesome, yes. Saying we'll do this or that again, yes. 

Thank you for having sex with me--no.


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## joevn (Oct 23, 2009)

dobo said:


> Joe may be afraid to express real, honest emotion.


May be or may be not. 

If my wife and I don't enjoy something, we don't do it. Her thanking me after sex (or vice versa)--not something we think is right for us given our attitude about sex (something we do a lot and are very comfortable with). It rubs her the wrong way--so I guess I should insist on doing it?

The closest analogy is I don't thank my golfing buddy of 15+ years for going golfing with me. We do it often, and we enjoy each other immensely, and we are the best of best friends. He told me I'm closer to him than his own brother, and the feeling is mutual. 

If I thank him for going golfing with me, he'd think that I'm trying to put some distance between us.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Wow, I did not know a partner showing appreciation for the sharing something as beautiful and mind blowing as sex was SUCH a bad thing! We have a very happy,healthy sex life...we enjoy each other immensely and both of us take a great deal of pleasure (and pride) in the way that we know each others bodies and minds. I cannot imagine getting my panties in a bunch because my H thanked me for ANYTHING, much less sex. Same for me; I'll often say "thanks for the nookie baby....that thing you did rocked my world" or something such as that. I appreciate him in ALL areas of our life, and we both thank each other daily for the little things AND big things we do. Having been on these boards enough, I am SO greatful and appreciative for the awesome sexual chemistry that my H and I share, we'd be foolish not to express appreciation and gratitude for each other.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

joevn said:


> If I thank him for going golfing with me, he'd think that I'm trying to put some distance between us.


May be we are all talking at cross-purposes 

You would not thank your golf partner for playing golf with you, but you might might say, or at least think "It's so nice to have someone to share my love of golf with". This is the thankfulness aspect. Being grateful for the joy and pleasure of it all.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i kinda agree with joe, and i think everyones is a bit different here. i dont think my wife would want me to get dressed then say "thank you mam". however, i show appreciation with other methods, like inviting her to cuddle on the couch, or hugging her, etc.. i just dont think a verbal thank you is what she would want, and she has never done it to me cause it isnt what i would want. we both just enjoyed a closeness that was spoken in the most intimate terms possible.

i'm not saying it isnt right for folks to do that, just wouldnt work for us. it kinda goes back to the "reward" discussions we have had on here. verbally saying thank you would be like intimating that she didnt have to do that so i appreciate it.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Well, for one, my hubby does not call me M'am...LOL. And he does not invite me to cuddle, we just DO it. I don't wait for an invitation to show him affection and he does not wait for an invitation to show me affection. 
I've woken my H up to show him a beautiful sunrise before, or to show him how beautiful our boys look sleeping peacefully...and he has said "thank you, I would have missed that if not for you"....so, IMO not much different. I just do NOT get why people are so hung up on thanking someone for something that added more beauty to their lives, no matter if it is sex, a sunrise, or whatever.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Dr Aphys-

Thanks for getting us back on topic 



Dr Aphys said:


> The problem is, even if doggy-style was once your favourite position, it’s going to lose its magic after sometime. Imagine, if you know the whole procedures of having sex with your partner, then, you know what is coming (you are able to predict or even, play the whole process in your mind, right from the time your partner touches your thigh) and, there is no excitement, no element of surprise and there will be none of the adrenalin rush associated with having a great sex.


While this is true for some, maybe even most, there are others who get off on anticipating what is next because they know what's coming.

So for me, I like to have both. I like the familiar same old same old, with some new stuff mixed in to keep things fresh. There are two main aspects to sex: The purely sensual, and the mental side. It's the mental side that creates the need to mix it up. The type of friction and other sensations that someone enjoys will probably not change a lot over a lifetime. But for people that require the adrenalin rush, there will be a need to constantly keep them on their toes.

This is a big generalisation, but having read a lot of people's posts her I would say that women are more affected by the mental side than men. They get bored with the same old thing after a while, and the though of rough sex with a forbidden male excites them. This has little to do with sensation, and everything to do with expectation, fantasy and the thrill of the new/forbidden.

However, men seem to get the wrong end of the stick and think that men are the adventurous ones and that women just want the same old thing. This is where they are completely mistaken. It's not that their wives want the same old thing, it just that their wives will only *allow *them to do the same old thing, in order to keep the intimacy at arm's length. Basically they are resentful of their husbands in some way, and do not want to play around and have too much fun with *them*.

But secretly these same women are fantasising about having wild - really wild - sex with another male. this other male has a completely different personality of course. And being a fantasy, brings none of the baggage that hubby brings to bed every night.

So a man in this sort of marriage will get no-where if he tries to suggest spicing things up. He has other work to do first.


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## good&plenty (Dec 7, 2009)

joevn said:


> My wife hates the idea of being thanked for sex. We had this discussion. It's not a soup kitchen, and she's not doing it for charity. High fives, yes. Saying that was awesome, yes. Saying we'll do this or that again, yes.
> 
> Thank you for having sex with me--no.


I totally agree! I think I said the "T" word once, and my husband stopped me pretty quickly. We never thank each other for sex, just everything else. It sounds like we had the same discussion as you guys.


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## good&plenty (Dec 7, 2009)

_However, men seem to get the wrong end of the stick and think that men are the adventurous ones and that women just want the same old thing. This is where they are completely mistaken. It's not that their wives want the same old thing, it just that their wives will only allow them to do the same old thing, in order to keep the intimacy at arm's length. Basically they are resentful of their husbands in some way, and do not want to play around and have too much fun with them._

Very interesting post. But I have a question. Why do you say women like to keep intimacy at arm's length? Why does this happen, how do we recognize it, and what do we do about it?


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