# The Stripper Thread (male and female) Is it cheating? Is it wrong? Is it a free pass by society? Post your questions and thoughts here



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

a number of stripper threads have come and gone over time and some people have felt passionately that it is nothing less than adultery while others tend to brush it off as a boys or girls night out of fun but no real harm. Some may think it's juvenile and distasteful but doesn't really rise to the level of cheating. 

While we can debate whether it is harmless adult fun vs marital infidelity until cows come home, I think there can be some bigger questions raised here. 

The main question is why is it even a question and why is there a big spread in opinions in the first place? Case in point, if a gal at work climbs onto a guys lab as he's sitting at his work station and rubs her bare boobies all over his face, I assume most would consider that highly inappropriate behavior for a married person. 

Likewise if some guy were to strip down to a g-string going up his but crack and barely containing his junk were to come up to a group of women shaking his little tush infront of them and they were to feel up his body all over and run their tongues up and down his butt cheeks and even pull down the front of his g-string and gulp a mouthful of his junk for a few moments to the cheers and attagirls! of the other women in the city park, there would likely be some issues. 

So why are strip joints safehavens for behaviors that would otherwise get people fired, divorced and possibly even sent to jail? 

Why do we debate whether it is adultery vs harmless adult fun?

And is the reality of the strip club even what we think it is? Is there a darker side than we even appreciate on the surface?

(If you've seen any of my posts on the current Lap Dance thread, you've probably guessed I have my own biases and perspectives which I will share below so as not to threadjack the other any more than I already have) 

But what are your thoughts, questions, perspectives and experiences with male or female strippers? Are they harmless adult fun? Are they marital infidelity? Are they a scourge of society or a socially sanctioned outlet for raucous behavior?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I vote for cheating. Especially if the other person doesnt want you doing it, or doesnt know about you doing it.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Is it cheating? Depends on the couple and their relationship boundaries. 
Is it pathetic? Definitely.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Never understood the appeal of Strippers.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Let me start with my own perspectives, experiences and bias. 

I have some pretty strong feelings and biases in regards to the standard corner strip club. 

As a nerdy 19 year old I went to the strip club with my nerdy 19 year old buddies where we had some of our first legal beers (the drinking age was 19 at that time and place) and saw some of our first boobies on adult women. To be honest, we had some great times and some fond, hormone fuelled times. We tangled with some bikers, had some bar fights and copped some feels and did I mention saw some boobies LOL.

A great time was had by all for awhile. But it didn't take long until I turned around and refocused my gaze from the boobs on stage to the other dudes sitting in the club. As this was in a college town of a major D1 university, there were nerds boys like myself that couldn't get girlfriends. There were some roughneck 1% bikers who's old ladies were the ones on stage making the bikers the cash for their coke and meth. And there were a bunch of creepy old men with black and missing teeth and cigarette ashes in their unkempt straggling beards. 

Now my Momma raised me up well enough to know that these strippers were basically low-carb hookers (and some were likely real hookers) that would rub up against guys and tell them how big and strong they were (I was about 6ft and 145 lbs at the time and some of my buddies were even nerdier than me) and would pump their egos for every cent they could get, then walk away. I knew that and had no illusions that these chicks were actually into me.

...... but my nerd buddies did not get that and it did not matter how well I worded it or tried to explain to them. Melvin (composite character of all the nerds) knew better than me that since this chick in the g-string climbed into his lap and nibbled his earlobe and rubbed up against his junk through his jeans, that she was 'The One' that he was going to take home to Mom and show off to his friends and bear his children. 

...... all for every cent he had,,,,, night after night.... week after week,,, month after month. All while taking out another student loan to pay for his computer engineering and physics degree and living on PB&J sandwiches. 

These chicks would set up 'dates' with them at the next club down the road that they would be working at the next night. 

Now eventually they caught on or just simply ran out of money and Daddy said he wasn't sending him any more spending cash, and eventually we all got gym memberships, our degrees and credentials and got real jobs and low and behold we all got actual GFs. surprise surprise. 

Then along came 'Eric'. a real person and his real name. Eric worked the night shift as a janitor at the university with one of my Melvin buddies. Eric was a high functioning intellectually challenged person that was functioning enough he could utilize the city's bus system unsupervised, show up for work on time at 11PM and push a broom through the university buildings all night and then catch the bus back home where he lived with his mother. 

Eric could carry on an effective simple conversation but was visibly obvious at a distance that he was challenged (I'm trying to be politically correct but still get my point across) 

During the night, Eric would talk to my buddy Melvin and would tell him that he would go to the strippers every single night as the club was a few blocks from his house and that the bus stop was on the corner outside the club and he would go see all his girlfriends help them with their issues and then they would rub their boobies on him and then he'd catch the bus for work. 

His girlfriends were named Jasmine and Chantel and Jade and Electra and Alexis etc and they would all run to see him when he walked in the door and they would kiss him and rub up against him and tell him how much they loved him and let him touch their boobies etc and then he'd have to leave for work. 

My buddy would nod and say 'mmm hmmm' and 'oh wow' and then would go on about his business. 

Well one night a friend of ours was having a bachelor party at the club. We were hanging out having our beers and having a good ol' time and Melvin looks up and says, hey there's Eric!' 

I turn around and see who he's pointing at and sure enough, there is a mentally challenged person just inside the club with a swarm of chicks in g-strings rubbing all over him and smooching on him and rubbing their hands through his greasy, unkempt hair and rubbing their tits on him. 

..... and as they are doing that, he is handing out cash as fast as he can dig it out of his pockets. Once his pockets were empty, they gave him one last kiss and told him they had a date for the next night and they walked away and climbed back up on stage or into the crowd while he just stood their by himself with sht eating grin until it was time for him to catch the bus. 
They had him pumped and emptied his pockets in less than a minute. It was like when your at the zoo and throw fish food into the koi pond. 

And as I said, you could see from 50 paces away that he was challenged and while high functioning and able to know his name and where abouts to get from Point A to Point B and able to interact on a simple basis, he was clearly not a normally functioning and truly consenting adult. 

I always knew that the strippers were there for money and if some guy was horny and desperate enough to give it to them to see boobies then so be it. But from that moment on, i could no longer even have fun male bonding with the buddies inside a strip joint. I felt dirty and needing a shower for just walking in the door. 

If a group of guys are out partying it up on a bachelor party or something and want to stop off and have a beer and whoop it up for awhile, OK fine whatever. But the clientele that actually go there and sit and watch boobs while drowning in their beer IMHO are some of the lowest bottom feeders out there and the chicks pumping them for money will even take the bills right out of a mentally handicapped person's pockets. 

cont.....


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Haven’t been in a strip club in 25+ years. Went some when I was in college. But even then, thought it was a waste of money and sad.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> But the clientele that actually go there and sit and watch boobs while drowning in their beer IMHO are some of the lowest bottom feeders out there and the chicks pumping them for money will even take the bills right out of a mentally handicapped person's pockets.
> 
> cont.....


So I personally do not even see it as cheating unless they are actually paying for a BJ or a HJ or a romp in the parking lot at which point it because actual prostitution. 

I see the dudes in strip clubs as bottom feeders that can't even get a chick to cheat with. 

A cheater at least has a chick that likes him. 

A dude stuffing money into a chick's g-string when she climbs into his lap, can't even get that. 

If a wife/GF feels jealousy or threatened by her partner going to clubs and getting lap dances etc, I think that is misinterpreted feelings on her part. I don't think what she is feeling is actual jealousy or insecurity, or at least she shouldn't be. 

I think what she is feeling is actually disgust and disdain and a major loss of respect and esteem for him as a man.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

My $.02.
*Is going into a strip joint cheating? *Not necessarily. However it is stupid, inane, pathetic and a total waste of resources.
*Is partaking of the "Services offered" cheating?* Absolutely
IMO, such actions (in any context) are disrespectful and degrading to the relationship by either party.


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## VeraPalm (3 mo ago)

Personally I wouldn’t care if my husband went to a strip club, and would not be jealous if he got a lap dance. I would be jealous if he got a lap dance from a friend or co-worker though… I guess to me is just not the same thing? It is something that should be discussed first in a marriage though. You shouldn’t just go to a strip club behind your partner’s back if they have a problem with it.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Uummm… lots of strong opinions on the topic. I never really gave it that much thought. When we were young it was pretty normal when buddies were getting married to go get wasted at the strip club. Buying them drinks and lap dances were pretty common. I’ve been quite a few times under that premise and our girlfriends/wives always knew what we were up to as it wasn’t hidden or a secret. All the guys had fun and the girls made money. That’s about the most I’ve thought about it in 20 years. If I asked my wife about it today she would probably say “you boys knew how to have fun.” It was fun back then but I have no interest at all these days.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

I don’t really care what people think of this topic because the only opinion that matters to me is mine lol! I’m single and out there meeting men and if or when that topic comes up and he has no problem with going to strip clubs we will simply go our separate ways.
It’s a hard line for me and the reason why is no ones business. I love not having to justify my preferences lol!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I see this just like swinging or open marriages.

If your partner is fine with it and you're above ground then cool. If your partner is not cool with it or you lie about it then yes it's cheating. I assume the people who don't think its cheating are cool with their partner having meaninglessness flirting with their coworker? Maybe grabbing said office worker's rear end? Probably not.

I agree that most women lose respect for a guy that regularly visits strip joints because they are pathetic bottom feeders, just like the guy who sticks it in anyone he can. Low quality man.

My bf told me a story of going to one with an out of town friend who visited decades ago (in his 20's...he's in his 50's now). He told me a stripper touched his friend and the friend looked at him and said "hey, can I borrow $20? She just touches my ****". Bf said he refused and found the whole thing pathetic.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mr.Married said:


> Uummm… lots of strong opinions on the topic. I never really gave it that much thought. When we were young it was pretty normal when buddies were getting married to go get wasted at the strip club. Buying them drinks and lap dances were pretty common. I’ve been quite a few times under that premise and our girlfriends/wives always knew what we were up to as it wasn’t hidden or a secret. We had a lot of fun and spent too much money. All the guys had fun and the girls made money. That’s about the most I’ve thought about it in 20 years. If I asked my wife about it today she would probably say “you boys knew how to have fun.” It was fun back then but I have no interest at all these days.


That's one of the things that is interesting about strippers is that on a societal level, it is almost a free pass to do what would at the least be highly inappropriate and often even illegal behavior,,, but since it is in a strip joint with professional strippers it is assumed to be a boys-will-be-boys and a GNO type outing as all is well. 

I actually think on a societal level that Get-Out-Of-Jail card is extended to women and male strippers even more. 

If a normally faithful and loving wife and mother came home from work and when her husband asked her how her day went and she told him some buff guy was dancing around in her face in a g-string and she felt up his abz and thighs and licked his ass cheeks and rubber her face into his junk while her GFs squeeled and cheered her on - he would probably frown on that. 

But since it was a GNO or especially a bachelorette party, it's expected to just be filed away under a girls night and everyone go on about their business. 

And in the cases of bachelor and bachelorette parties, some times the bachelor/bachelorette are even pressured by their friends and even siblings to actually have sex with the stripper. 

I recently listened to a podcast where a group of a bachelorette's friends pooled their money and hired a male dancer/escort to seduce and fck the bachelorette...... and he did. And everyone expected life to go on as normal by the light of the next day. 

Where else but in the stripping community is that OK????

Is the strip club some kind of Neutral Zone or some kind of Anything Goes area exempted from all other boundaries of a polite society????


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

My biggest objection to strippers and porn and sex workers is how many of them are forced into it through sex trafficking and human trafficking. To me that's reason enough to never approve of it regardless of all the other repercussions and destructiveness it has on relationships.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

lifeistooshort said:


> I see this just like swinging or open marriages.
> 
> If your partner is fine with it and you're above ground then cool. If your partner is not cool with it or you lie about it then yes it's cheating. I assume the people who don't think its cheating are cool with their partner having meaninglessness flirting with their coworker? Maybe grabbing said office worker's rear end? Probably not.
> 
> ...


I get your point about if your partner is cool with it. 

But swinging is still very much taboo in general society and for the most part only swingers think swinging is ok. 

as I was cross posting in my post above, strip clubs and strippers have an almost 'Free Pass' type of tolerance in the general population. 

If someone spouse came home and said they got a lap dance and that a stripper rubbed their boobs or their schlong in their face, society tends to say that might be kinda juvenile and boorish but it's not adultery and if the spouse has an issue they should talk it out and come to an agreement about future trips to the strip club and everyone should just go get some cake and ice cream and get on with life. 

But if someone went to a swinger's party or a swinger club and boobs or schlongs rubbed in their face, society would be calling for their head on a stick and there would be no question whatsoever of it being adultery.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> My biggest objection to strippers and porn and sex workers is how many of them are forced into it through sex trafficking and human trafficking. To me that's reason enough to never approve of it regardless of all the other repercussions and destructiveness it has on relationships.


Maybe in Bangkok or Manilla or Malaysia etc but the corner strip club in Anytown USA the vast majority are consenting adults. 

Now they may have Daddy issues and drug problems and bad boyfriends etc but at least in the US, most garden variety strip clubs come under the liquor licensing agencies and are always under the eye of the police and a variety of regulatory agencies. 

Is there corruption and crooked zoning officials and even the mob paying off some of the local officials etc etc, yeah sure that's all probably part of the landscape as well. It's an unsavory industry but I don't think the local college town strip club is a bastion of underage trafficking victims being snatched off the street. 

Most are probably chicks that smoke too much weed and snort too much coke and meth and came from too chaotic of a home with an absentee father and alcoholic mother to where they didn't get good enough grades in school for scholarships or admissions to the university and so they are having to work nights to pay their way through nursing school while supporting their 3 kids from 3 baby daddys that don't pay child support on time. 

Is it a glamorous and wholesome and virtuous world??? No it's not. it's pretty seedy and gross. 

But in the developed first-world nations, I don't think there is a lot of underage trafficking victims. 

Failed adults yes. Kidnapped minors? I'm sure it happens in places at times, but I think in the US at least, the single mom living with a deadbeat BF in a trailer on the outskirts of town trying to keep a roof and food on the table with no other credentialed job skills is the more common story.


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## CrapMan (7 mo ago)

I went to a strip bar 2 times with my brother years ago. My wife was aware of our BNO. We sat a few tables back from the stage because I had no desire to part with my money, lol! I wasn't much impressed with the whole experience. But, I have to say I saw a wide variety of clientele from all walks of life--professional looking men and women, college guys, service men, and surprisingly a lot of couples. My wife has never been to a male stripper bar or show. We don't have an opinion of whether it is cheating or not.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Maybe in Bangkok or Manilla or Malaysia etc but the corner strip club in Anytown USA the vast majority are consenting adults.
> 
> Now they may have Daddy issues and drug problems and bad boyfriends etc but at least in the US, most garden variety strip clubs come under the liquor licensing agencies and are always under the eye of the police and a variety of regulatory agencies.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry but that's just not true. I follow crime. We have a huge problem with human trafficking in the United States. It's not even all coming from the border but most of it is.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm sorry but that's just not true. I follow crime. We have a huge problem with human trafficking in the United States. It's not even all coming from the border but most of it is.


On a given day there are a good number of people speeding and running stop lights and even causing car wrecks as well. But the other 99% of people on the road go to and from their destinations without incident. 

Yes trafficking exists and it needs to be addressed and investigated with victims getting the help they need and the traffickers responsible need to be sent to extermination camps. 

But in any given town in the US, the vast majority of the strippers are consenting adults who are choosing to make their money by rubbing their boobs on creepy old men rather than working the night shift at Dennys. 

They may be troubled, dysfunctional and maladapted consenting adults with problems. But they are consenting adults nonetheless.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Being used as a sex slave is quite a bit more serious than traffic violations. We shouldn't be supporting these industries.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

DownByTheRiver said:


> My biggest objection to strippers and porn and sex workers is how many of them are forced into it through sex trafficking and human trafficking. To me that's reason enough to never approve of it regardless of all the other repercussions and destructiveness it has on relationships.


That's the reason I didn't lay down the $100 it would have taken to buy a harem of 10 for the night with the girls on Okinawa. I'd heard that many were not in the business willingly and I wanted no part of it.

I wouldn't mind trying the harem thing, though. With women who are doing it for their own enjoyment. But only with my wife's permission, of course, so ain't never gonna happen.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

I went to one strip club when I was stationed on Okinawa in 1968. Never been interested in trying another.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Being used as a sex slave is quite a bit more serious than traffic violations. We shouldn't be supporting these industries.


I'm not arguing that trafficking is bad and that action needs to be taken against it. If it were up to me I would reopen Auschwitz and start packing packing the traffickers into box cars. 

I'm saying that most strippers are working as their own choice rather than being forced into it by traffickers. 

They can choose to work the night shift at Dennys if they didn't want to strip. 

Stripping simply pays better. 

So as far as what supports the industry, trafficking needs to be stopped. But most of these gals are choosing to strip rather than work the night shift at Dennys because they can house and feed their kids and pay for nursing school better at the ol' strip club better than their other options. 

It is a legal industry. If we close it down, these women go to work for minimum wage where they are often treated worse than at the club. At the club they may get groped and stared at by creepers, but most of the guys are so desperate for female attention they treat them like queens. 

At the club they may bring home over $1000 on a good Saturday night. At Dennys she is treated like trailer trash and maybe brings home $100.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I see it as a form of cheating. Certainly, cheating of the mind. We have honestly never discussed in our 17 years marriage whether its ok for either of us to go to a strip club/ladies night because we just know that neither of us would.
If I was dating a guy who thought this was ok, then I would know we weren't compatible at all.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

If I wanted to give money to a woman who wasn't going to sleep with me I would have stayed married.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> I'm not arguing that trafficking is bad and that action needs to be taken against it. If it were up to me I would reopen Auschwitz and start packing packing the traffickers into box cars.
> 
> I'm saying that most strippers are working as their own choice rather than being forced into it by traffickers.
> 
> ...


And psychologists and studies have known for 50 years that those who do it voluntarily have already mostly had sexual assault or trauma when young, and all that does is perpetuate their cycle. It's like 85 percent were already victims, and then these groomers get to them and brainwash them to look upon selling their bodies as being empowered. It's a destructive business from top to bottom that is horrible for women and just perpetuating abuse and objectification and sex slavery. Anyone with a conscious greater than their love for their penis wouldn't support that industry.

I've seen hundreds of pages of hearings and trial on all this stuff, outlining how it works, how far-reaching it is, how insidious it is. And what they are able to prosecute is just the tip of the iceberg. I also subscribe to all border security type news. There is a whole underworld supporting this. I can't believe any man or woman who had a daughter would support any of it. There is always someone preying on young women, grooming them, trying to drag them into sex work, always. And hundreds of young teens go missing every day, some recovered, some not. It's alarming ,not something you should brush off as not as important as seeing some girls' boobies at a club or getting yourself off. Find a real-life way to get yourself off, FFS.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Being used as a sex slave is quite a bit more serious than traffic violations. We shouldn't be supporting these industries.


The vast majority of strippers are working these clubs of their own free will and making damn good money while they’re at it. They’re not stupid, they know what sells. They aren’t seeking anybody’s support or approval and they don’t have too. The only ones supporting these strippers are the desperate suckers there for a thrill.

It irks me when someone deems something they see as beneath them as something that must be gotten rid of at all costs then go so far as to compare it to a legitimate horrific human rights issue. There is no comparison between the two. Geez.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Not said:


> The vast majority of strippers are working these clubs of their own free will and making damn good money while they’re at it. They’re not stupid, they know what sells. They aren’t seeking anybody’s support or approval and they don’t have too. The only ones supporting these strippers are the desperate suckers there for a thrill.
> 
> It irks me when someone deems something they see as beneath them as something that must be gotten rid of at all costs then go so far as to compare it to a legitimate horrific human rights issue. There is no comparison between the two. Geez.


I disagree and I already said why above.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I disagree and I already said why above.


And there are just as many who do it purely for the money or to put themselves through school. I read what you wrote and it’s all very dramatic and sad but it definitely does not apply to all of them.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I'll bring up a past thread during when the Playboy expose was being aired last year. Funny how all the men on TAM seemed to lose interest as soon as it became obvious that they "of their own free will" "girls next door" were being tricked and drugged and forced into having orgies and being sent to clients' homes where they were raped. They get you in and then they use you however they want. These girls, many had security on them so they couldn't even get out and if they tried to speak out, Hef used his clout to squelch the media. 

This happens on every level of sex work to varying degrees. This industry is a blight against women. And apparently a great boon for men. 🤮


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Not said:


> And there are just as many who do it purely for the money or to put themselves through school. I read what you wrote and it’s all very dramatic and sad but it definitely does not apply to all of them.


You are wrong. They wouldn't be doing it if they hadn't already been sexualized in their young life. You are all very dramatic and sad yourself.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cheating or not it's dumb. If you are on a diet, you don't go to the donut shop and stare at the donuts.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You are wrong. They wouldn't be doing it if they hadn't already been sexualized in their young life. You are all very dramatic and sad yourself.


I know women who’ve stripped for the various reasons I stated. Gorgeous women with all of the right curves in all of the perfect places. Intelligent women who knew they could bank off of these piggish men. Your posts on this topic are very alarmist.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Not said:


> I know women who’ve stripped for the various reasons I stated. Gorgeous women with all of the right curves in all of the perfect places. Intelligent women who knew they could bank off of these piggish men. Your posts on this topic are very alarmist.


Yours are very objectifying and naive. But glad you've cozied up to some golddiggers and are happy about it. Sounds about right.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

About Human Trafficking - United States Department of State


Human trafficking, also called trafficking in persons, has no place in our world. As both a grave crime and a human rights abuse, it compromises national and economic security, undermines the rule of law, and harms the well-being of individuals and communities everywhere. It is a crime of...




www.state.gov


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yours are very objectifying and naive. But glad you've cozied up to some golddiggers and are happy about it. Sounds about right.


I stated facts, I know a stripper who works for the purpose I stated. You can’t handle that, not my problem. Have a nice day.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Not said:


> I stated facts, I know a stripper who works for the purpose I stated. You can’t handle that, not my problem. Have a nice day.


I stated facts and you can't handle that. And that sure sounds like the "story" all strippers have. You don't care. It doesn't suit your purposes.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> a number of stripper threads have come and gone over time and some people have felt passionately that it is nothing less than adultery while others tend to brush it off as a boys or girls night out of fun but no real harm. Some may think it's juvenile and distasteful but doesn't really rise to the level of cheating.
> 
> While we can debate whether it is harmless adult fun vs marital infidelity until cows come home, I think there can be some bigger questions raised here.
> 
> ...


For me its cheating. But i dont think its only for me, i believe here in Brazil it will be considered cheating no matter how you try to sugar coat it.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

In my bachelor days, I would partake and enjoy, usually with my buddies. No doubt it is or can be a lot of fun.
I was never about getting off for me. It was about looking at the gals, enjoying the view and the atmosphere.
Gettin buzzed and the pounding beat and spectacle of it all. Watchin my friends and the other guys all into it and digging it. 

Now I get that some couples are OK with the other partaking, and far be it for me to judge what other people do.
Not everyone shares this view and thats OK. 
Nevertheless, its my view that its cheatin no matter what.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I stated facts and you can't handle that. And that sure sounds like the "story" all strippers have. You don't care. It doesn't suit your purposes.


Dunno about strippers per se, but I know that some women are very much into having sex with whomever and I don't know why they would not become strippers or prostitutes. Would be nice having a job one enjoys.

I was virgin until almost age 30 because I thought a relationship was needed for women to be interested in sex. However, three different women took me to bed for casual sex or hookups before I ran off to the safety of long term relationship. At least two of these were working with other women to get me into bed. They were quite ready to head off the the next lay after me.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Julie's Husband said:


> Dunno about strippers per se, but I know that some women are very much into having sex with whomever and I don't know why they would not become strippers or prostitutes. Would be nice having a job one enjoys.
> 
> I was virgin until almost age 30 because I thought a relationship was needed for women to be interested in sex. However, three different women took me to bed for casual sex or hookups before I ran off to the safety of long term relationship. At least two of these were working with other women to get me into bed. They were quite ready to head off the the next lay after me.


There are women who like casual sex, but they choose the men. They don't have to take the dregs that pull up in a car on the street corner or put money into their g-strings. They don't literally want to have sex with just anybody like sex workers often have to do. And there would be an expectation of reciprocation. They wouldn't just be servicing the john.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Hostess/Strip Club-Based


Victims of sex trafficking are frequently recruited to work in strip clubs across the United States. Women, men, and minors may be recruited to work in strip clubs as hostesses, servers or dancers, but then are required to provide commercial sex to customers.Individuals forced to serve as...




humantraffickinghotline.org


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> My biggest objection to strippers and porn and sex workers is how many of them are forced into it through sex trafficking and human trafficking. To me that's reason enough to never approve of it regardless of all the other repercussions and destructiveness it has on relationships.


There is a way to fix that. With decriminalising sex work, going a very long way towards stopping sex trafficking. Of which for the benefit of the welfare and safety of sex workers, I am glad that I live in a place where sex work has been decriminalised since 1995.



https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decriminalization_of_sex_work











Sex Work and the New Zealand Model


Sex Work and the New Zealand Model - Decriminalisation and Social Change; Using the evidence from New Zealand, this unique collection examines how decriminalisation is experienced by different groups of sex workers and reveals the enduring challenges for sex workers in this context. This is an...




bristoluniversitypress.co.uk










Aotearoa New Zealand Sex Workers' Collective NZPC > New Zealand Prostitutes Collective

Scarlett - Alliance Australian Sex Workers Association - Decriminalisation Since 1995






And regarding the above, the Australian State of Victoria, has now passed legislation decriminalising sex work in that state as well.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Personal said:


> There is a way to fix that. With decriminalising sex work, going a very long way towards stopping sex trafficking. Of which for the benefit of the welfare and safety of sex workers, I am glad that I live in a place where sex work has been decriminalised since 1995.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


There will still be drug dealers who will be pimping out women even if it's legal so that they get paid because that's a big part of prostitution right now. What would put a stop to it is arresting the Johns instead of the prostitutes.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

oldshirt said:


> Maybe in Bangkok or Manilla or Malaysia etc but the corner strip club in Anytown USA the vast majority are consenting adults.
> 
> Now they may have Daddy issues and drug problems and bad boyfriends etc but at least in the US, most garden variety strip clubs come under the liquor licensing agencies and are always under the eye of the police and a variety of regulatory agencies.
> 
> ...


My perspective is similar. Yes, in some European Countries, I suspect that there are sex-trafficed women. In the USA, I suspect that is extremely rare. I expect it is rare, because my view that a percentage of the losers who frequent such places. like to play the "knight in shining armor" and will try to save these "women" from their life of sin. Those guys would report the place to the police and unless paid off, the police would act.

In the USA, I do believe that there is some criminal or mob money in some strip clubs, but I think that is the exception not the rule. I do think many of the people who get into owning and running strip clubs are not good citizens, but out for quick money.

Where I live, I have read stories about strippers being arrested on prostitution charges, but the real high profile prostitution raids are usually after street walkers or at massage parlors.

Yes, strippers are sex workers. It has been many decades since I have been in a strip club. In college, long before I was engaged or married, I did go to some strip clubs and I also in college, hired strippers for keg parties that my house sponsored for our members (not my proudest moments). In the process I got to know a few strippers, mostly from the hiring process. In the clubs, they had a stage name, and a stage "story or history." 

The ones I new were mostly single mom's in desperate financial situations. Either baby daddy left them long ago and no child support, husband a non-functioning drug addict, or husband/boyfriend in jail. Were some of the stories embellished to get sympathy? Quite likely, but we checked them out on a phone back, often their mother would answer as they were living with their parents. I had to see their ID to make sure they were of age and do a crude background check. Do I believe that they were mostly cute college coed's just paying their way through college, like your nursing student example? Only one in a thousand maybe. 

Everyone I met in the hiring process, was in reality a professional sex worker with her own set of boundaries. Most would state upfront that they would strip, dance and expose themself; but they were not going to perform any sex acts. They would provide a limited number of simulated sex acts for extra money with the house member (in the form of chair or lap dances), but they wanted it understood, that the guys were not to touch and if there was a violation of that they would end the performance and drive away from the event taking their full payment with them. These were hard women who if they say money in your wallet would think they had every right to as they needed to support their child, their rent, their utility bills or the food for their family. If you were willing to "play" with them, they would take every cent they could from you.

I am sure that some strip clubs and strippers are different. I am sure some are into prostitution. However, in the US, I think that they are not the majority of clubs. I also think that the clubs are pretty well patrolled by the police.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

DownByTheRiver said:


> There are women who like casual sex, but they choose the men....And there would be an expectation of reciprocation. They wouldn't just be servicing the john.


The two women who plotted with other women to get me into bed were blind hookups.

I had a very difficult time wrapping my head around that fact that women would want to have sex sight unseen and drop their panties without knowing much more than my name. One was upset that I didn't have sex with her the first night. The other wanted to find out whether I actually have multiple orgasms.

I'd forgotten a fourth woman who tried to pick me up in a bar. She didn't score.

Anyway, if a shy nerdy type like me can get that sort of attention I suspect there is no shortage of women with the same outlook.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

oldshirt said:


> ....*people have felt passionately that it is nothing less than adultery while others tend to brush it off as a boys or girls night out of fun but no real harm. Some may think it's juvenile and distasteful but doesn't really rise to the level of cheating.
> 
> While we can debate whether it is harmless adult fun vs marital infidelity until cows come home, I think there can be some bigger questions raised here. ......*


Now my 2-cents. 

Is going to a strip club adultery? As long as you are not engaging in an act of prostitution, I don't think it is adultery or cheating unless three thresholds have been met. If they have been met, then, yes it is cheating.


 Have you fallen in love or developed strong personal feelings on one of the strippers? If you are you are a real loser and stupid beyond belief. This would be an EA
Are you spending an inordinate amount of time or money at the strip club? Your time and money belong to your family if you are married and if you have a girlfriend, then yes, you should be spending your time and sexual energy with someone who loves you. This would be financial cheating and cheating in the form on not spending time with the woman that loves you.
Have you and your spouse set any boundaries on not going to a strip club that you have violated. Some guys have told me that their wife will take them to a strip club occasionally for a birthday. A couple that we were close to, every time they visited Las Vegas, they would go to both a male strip show (Magic Mike kind of thing) and a female strip club, as they both liked to watch each others reactions and tease each other. 
I am sure, just like the Supreme Court Justice said, that he can't describe pornography, but he knows it when he sees it; that to many cheating at a strip club is in the eye of the beholder.

I don't think that there is an objective standard that all will agree to. It is something that each couple needs to talk about and decide for themselves.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Not a huge fan, but my wife has been ok with it. My experiences: 

My bachelor party took place in a pre-Disney Times Square. (I'm older than dirt.)

In college (pre-marriage) a couple of times we'd go to Montreal for the strip clubs (strictly the Anglophone ones naturally), but it was more about the overpriced booze than boobs.

A business associate coincidentally was a part owner in a strip club on the Reeperbahn. He would always bring conference attendees there. With the smallest Euro note being €5 (a bit much back in the day) one could purchase (I was always comped) plastic €1 "notes", really gross.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'll bring up a past thread during when the Playboy expose was being aired last year. Funny how all the men on TAM seemed to lose interest as soon as it became obvious that they "of their own free will" "girls next door" were being tricked and drugged and forced into having orgies and being sent to clients' homes where they were raped. They get you in and then they use you however they want. These girls, many had security on them so they couldn't even get out and if they tried to speak out, Hef used his clout to squelch the media.
> 
> This happens on every level of sex work to varying degrees. This industry is a blight against women. And apparently a great boon for men. 🤮


I feel that you are absolutely correct about what you have said regarding prostitutes working in brothels or as escorts, women who work the streets as prostitutes, and women who work in massage parlors. You are also probably correct in many less developed countries about women who work in "clubs" that are thinly veiled brothels.

You may even be correct about the current status of strippers in US strip clubs. However, my personal experience from many decades ago, is much different and does not agree with what you have stated as fact. Yes the studies and the trafficing (from what I have read) are real for prostitutes, massage parlors, etc.

Perhaps another interesting topic would be "only fan," "cam girls," and phone sex operators. They too are sex workers. I am not sure they are trafficed. They could be for all I know, as I have no experience at all in this area. I am sure that some would view a husband using such services as cheating and others not.

Another topic, not discussed is if strippers are part of a slipper slope that can eventually lead to either an EA or PA? I think it could be argued that it can be a slippery slope that does lead to cheating.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Young at Heart said:


> I feel that you are absolutely correct about what you have said regarding prostitutes working in brothels or as escorts, women who work the streets as prostitutes, and women who work in massage parlors. You are also probably correct in many less developed countries about women who work in "clubs" that are thinly veiled brothels.
> 
> You may even be correct about the current status of strippers in US strip clubs. However, my personal experience from many decades ago, is much different and does not agree with what you have stated as fact. Yes the studies and the trafficing (from what I have read) are real for prostitutes, massage parlors, etc.
> 
> ...


I did post an article specifically about strippers and how they are used in the sex trade.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

The online webcam stuff, some of that is also forced and a lot of it isn't but then a lot of it isn't quite prostitution but more voyeurism. Obviously if someone has been kidnapped for a sex slave they're going to be a little careful about how they post online and maybe not show the face or whatever.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Hostess/Strip Club-Based
> 
> 
> Victims of sex trafficking are frequently recruited to work in strip clubs across the United States. Women, men, and minors may be recruited to work in strip clubs as hostesses, servers or dancers, but then are required to provide commercial sex to customers.Individuals forced to serve as...
> ...


Thank you for providing some hard data. Again, I find that reference kind of shocking, because it differs from my personal experience of many decades ago. I also note that they refer Hostess/Strip Club based cases. I have no idea what a "Hostess-based" situation is within the USA. That sounds like something I have heard about from military friends in foreign countries, where you go into a place and buy a woman's time for the night. I have never heard of anything like that in the US.

I would however point out that in the same website, it does list the


> Top Venues/Industries for Sex Trafficking as:
> 
> Pornography (939)Illicit Massage/Spa Business (616)Hotel/Motel-Based (520)Residence-Based Commercial Sex (465)Online Ad, Venue Unknown (447)# of Cases


That means that Strip Clubs are not in the top venue for sex trafficking. So perhaps Strippers are not quite the universal victims of Sex Trafficking in the USA they seem to be portrayed at..


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Young at Heart said:


> Thank you for providing some hard data. Again, I find that reference kind of shocking, because it differs from my personal experience of many decades ago. I also note that they refer Hostess/Strip Club based cases. I have no idea what a "Hostess-based" situation is within the USA. That sounds like something I have heard about from military friends in foreign countries, where you go into a place and buy a woman's time for the night. I have never heard of anything like that in the US.
> 
> I would however point out that in the same website, it does list the
> 
> ...


Hostesses became a household one during the tiger woods debacle.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> What would put a stop to it is arresting the Johns instead of the prostitutes.


Except over and over again that continues not to ever work. Of which it is a fools errand to keep doing the same thing that clearly doesn't work, while expecting a different result.

On the other hand there is a better way.

"Two years later, a report for the NSW Ministry of Health17 on sex work stated that the NSW sex industry had not increased in size, there were no associated incidents of police corruption, and that sex workers’ mental and sexual health was at similar levels to that of the general population."



https://www.nswp.org/sites/default/files/sg_to_decriminalisation_prf05.pdf








Why decriminalising sex work is a good idea


The Economist explains




www.economist.com













Why Sex Work Should Be Decriminalized


Human Rights Watch has conducted research on sex work around the world, including in Cambodia, China, Tanzania, the United States, and most recently, South Africa. The research, including extensive consultations with sex workers and organizations that work on the issue, has shaped the Human...




www.hrw.org







https://www.afao.org.au/article/decriminalisation-sex-work-evidence/


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

On the discussion topic, the only times have gone to see strippers performing in clubs or the like, was because I went with friends who wanted to go (the last time was at least 27 years ago). As for myself I'd rather read a good book, than go to see a stripper in action, just 'cause I think it's boring.

That said I am not opposed to strip clubs, sex work or of people enjoying such things. Plus I think it's perfectly fine for married people to see strip shows if that's what they want to do.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Young at Heart said:


> Thank you for providing some hard data. Again, I find that reference kind of shocking, because it differs from my personal experience of many decades ago. I also note that they refer Hostess/Strip Club based cases. I have no idea what a "Hostess-based" situation is within the USA. That sounds like something I have heard about from military friends in foreign countries, where you go into a place and buy a woman's time for the night. I have never heard of anything like that in the US.
> 
> I would however point out that in the same website, it does list the
> 
> ...





Personal said:


> Except over and over again that continues not to ever work. Of which it is a fools errand to keep doing the same thing that clearly doesn't work, while expecting a different result.
> 
> On the other hand there is a better way.
> 
> ...


I've never even seen some place seriously try concentrating on arresting the Johns.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I say too each his own but for me i think if you are old enough to be the father of one of the those strippers your just a creep and you should be a ashame of yourself....
Now i have to say that i once dated a stripper in college, well more to the point she was a classmate who was working her way through stripping ( i know how cliche) but anyway what i truly gained from that relationship among other things is the psychology of stripping...how strippers work the room truly fascinating I would go when she was stripping on occasions and watch her and others work the room and the single truth is always the same "a fool and his money are soon departed"


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

I don't really think much of it. I've been to a club twice for bachelors parties. It's not my thing. I don't get the allure.

That said, I have after getting married, the wife and I have a condo down town, and when we end up out drinking (we being, my wife and her friends & husbands) and they're going to crash at our place, maybe once a year, one of girls after they're fairly tipsy will yell out about wanting to go see some tiddies and we end up at one. There are like 3 in town that aren't at all skeezy. So, we end up there, and the wives all end up chatting away with the strippers about their shoes, where they get them, their outfits, etc. All the dudes in the place end up getting pissed and eventually, we're sorta asked to leave by the management.

But overall, totally not my thing. I just don't get it.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

My take on this.

In a more wider sense I don´t find the sex industry related "shows" to be, for my taste, erotic.
Been there (long ago, a pair of times, when single) in ocassion of coworker´s bachelor parties. Did not interact with strippers, got from bored to feel a mild disgust and said good bye to all.

Been also twice on another kind of spectacle, something somehow related to burlesque, vaudeville.
It´s theatrical, a parody that not even pretend to be erotic and the simmilarities to stripping are somehow secondary.
Was performed only over the stage with no near interaction with the public.
Both times went there with my then partner and cos she was curious about and asked to.
Not sooooooo bad but neither my cup of coffee.
But she made me smile saying "we do it better and with no need of public".
And she was right.

That said, on going alone while being in a relationship......never did it and I would not.
If there is a woman in my life, all my erotic imagination is focused in her.
Just for the kind of relationship I would find desirable, all expressions of sexuallity along all it´s spectrum are reserved for the specialness of exclusive mutual seduction and strong erotism "for only two".

_*In and for THAT specific choosed kind of couple, the opposite would (yes) be less than loyal.*_
Can´t and shouldn´t say about others.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Hostesses became a household one during the tiger woods debacle.


Thanks. I had missed that, but don't play golf. I had to google the story


> ......the new edition of the National Enquirer was freshly slotted in the checkout racks. The banner headline read “Tiger Woods Cheating Scandal.” Inside was a spread detailing Woods’ months-long affair with a New York City nightclub hostess named Rachel Uchitel. She’d been photographed checking into the same hotel as Woods during the Australian Masters and was quoted as telling a friend: “It’s Tiger Woods! I don’t care about his wife! We’re in love!”


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Find a woman who will go to strip clubs with you. 

Mrs. Far and I spent the evenings of our 4th and 6th anniversaries at strip clubs. On the sixth anniversary visit, she got a motorboat through her jeans...and I picked up a new technique to use on her.



Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

Most well-adjusted, intelligent decent adults think it's common sense that you don't go to strip clubs while in a relationship, and on the rare occasion circumstances almost 'force' one of you to attend, you certainly do not make physical contact with the stripper - it's no different than dry humping on the dance floor. Anyone that thinks this is ok is deranged or stupid or both, or polyamorous.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I used to go to a couple when single, in Texas, and in California the more expensive ones I guess. All the women could have been models.

Every now and then a business associate would come through and we'd go during drink and food specials times. My rules never have a lap dance never sit at the stage edge. Never let them separate me from more money than what I'd spend on lunch anyway. And keep saying no when approached.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I must be so jaded. 

I was leaving to go to a birthday party late Saturday afternoon (more of a hen party) and my husband was thrilled that he didn't have to go. As I was putting on my jacket and digging out my keys, I told him he was all on his own for dinner that evening which I knew meant he'd be snacking on Oreos, string cheese, Pistachios, grapes, that Ramen cup of soup crap, and ice cream - not all at once and not in that order.

And then I gave him my usual warning that if he was going to have any call girls over while I was gone, the least she could do is a load of laundry or mop my kitchen floor since half that money is mine. 

I don't think my husband even knows where any strip joints_ are,_ but he can tell you where every Home Depot, Lowes, and Harbor Freight store is within a 75 mile radius of our house.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I loathe any form of sex for sale.

I appreciate @oldshirt 's OP and breakdown about strip joints being some kind of zone for behavior that would normally be way out of bounds.

I probably have more respect for swingers or open marriage types because they aren't paying someone to sell it and are just with like-minded individuals.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> I loathe any form of sex for sale.
> 
> I appreciate @oldshirt 's OP and breakdown about strip joints being some kind of zone for behavior that would normally be way out of bounds.
> 
> I probably have more respect for swingers or open marriage types because they aren't paying someone to sell it and are just with like-minded individuals.


Same. I'll add, and each spouse isn't trying to deceive the other and lie all the time. It's not for me but I can appreciate the honesty between spouses in those lifestyle circumstances when mutually chosen as preferences. 

ETA for clarity.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I don't think my husband even knows where any strip joints_ are,_ but he can tell you where every Home Depot, Lowes, and Harbor Freight store is within a 75 mile radius of our house.


I LOVE Harbor Freight!!!!!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I used to go to a couple when single, in Texas, and in California the more expensive ones I guess. All the women could have been models.
> 
> Every now and then a business associate would come through and we'd go during drink and food specials times. My rules never have a lap dance never sit at the stage edge. Never let them separate me from more money than what I'd spend on lunch anyway. And keep saying no when approached.


Once you see a man searching a stripper's mouth with a flashlight before getting down to business, you'll probably never want to eat at one of those places again.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

DamianDamian said:


> Most well-adjusted, intelligent decent adults think it's common sense that you don't go to strip clubs while in a relationship, and on the rare occasion circumstances almost 'force' one of you to attend, you certainly do not make physical contact with the stripper - it's no different than dry humping on the dance floor. Anyone that thinks this is ok is deranged or stupid or both, or polyamorous.


At least try humping on the dance floor nobody is naked like they are lap dancing.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Young at Heart said:


> I feel that you are absolutely correct about what you have said regarding prostitutes working in brothels or as escorts, women who work the streets as prostitutes, and women who work in massage parlors. You are also probably correct in many less developed countries about women who work in "clubs" that are thinly veiled brothels.
> 
> You may even be correct about the current status of strippers in US strip clubs. However, my personal experience from many decades ago, is much different and does not agree with what you have stated as fact. Yes the studies and the trafficing (from what I have read) are real for prostitutes, massage parlors, etc.
> 
> ...


I know some of the cam girls are sex trafficked because I have been privy to an enormous investigation and that was maybe 4 years ago. It told all of the inner workings of a sex ring that was operating all across the Southern United States at a minimum. These consisted mainly of people's teens who had run away and been exploited. There were older retired prostitutes also involved doing a lot of the risky work where you could get busted and the actual ring leaders kept their hands very clean by using everyone else to do it for them.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Strip club scene is dead around here and has been for some time...Maybe you would find some seedy places in the inner city, but in the burbs, they are done and have been probably for the last few decades...Maybe its different in other parts, but here, its dead as a doornail.....

Mid/late 80s and early 90's they were booming with tons of clubs everywhere...I even worked the door at one when I was in college, so I got to see a lot of what went on...

I guess it depends on a lot of factors...

We used to go on occasion, as a bunch of guys and get a table..We'd be just doing our thing and the dancers just faded into the periphery..No one was getting lap dances, at best there was just some playful banter.. But then there were the guys by themselves at the bar feeding these women money(or more like they were picking these guys pockets)...different deal.. I guess a bunch of guys getting together in that type of setting is less of a big deal than the lonely guy by himself at the bar, but that's just my opinion. Some people wouldn't draw any line...setting foot is a hard no....

A couple of these clubs really had a great atmosphere and even hosted some great live music.. Haven't been to one in probably close to 30 years and have no desire to find one...I would not expect a partner to accept it and would very much think she would be highly bothered by it, if not truly angry...

But as you have seen on the thread, its not an issue for some...so "live and let live" ...(shrug)


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

KindBuddha said:


> Would you go into a strip club and eat someone's half-eaten cheeseburger that was just sitting there at the table? How about suck down a half a beer from an open beer can that someone else had left on the table? No? Then why on earth would you want to touch some strange woman's boobies or coochie that a bunch of unknown randoms had been playing with earlier that night (while paying good money for the privilege)? LOL people are so gross.


Oh no! Used boobies!!!!!😋


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

My


oldshirt said:


> a number of stripper threads have come and gone over time and some people have felt passionately that it is nothing less than adultery while others tend to brush it off as a boys or girls night out of fun but no real harm. Some may think it's juvenile and distasteful but doesn't really rise to the level of cheating.
> 
> While we can debate whether it is harmless adult fun vs marital infidelity until cows come home, I think there can be some bigger questions raised here.
> 
> ...


I think a strip club is what the patron and the performer make of it. For some people going to a club is harmless fun for some it is a way of life, if you are like me and spend as much time watching the crowd as you do the performers, who is who becomes very obvious. 

This weekend my wife and I went to Montreal for a couple of nights. We actually went to a couple strip clubs as we have done many times in the past together, (I've only been to one without my wife and I passed out at the table while my friends were off getting lap dances). This trip also gave me an additional perspective on things as we checked out a club with male dancers for the first time ever.

This time we went to Chez Paree (female dancers) which we had never been to. We got there pretty early as the only reservation we could get at the sushi restaurant we wanted was for 6:15 and it being sushi we were out of there by 7:45. The club was right down the street from the restaurant so we checked it out. I got a weird feeling about the girls who were dancing on stage early in the night. They were all asian and the all seemed drugged up pretty hard. Around 9 the club started filling up and suddenly a lot of dancers were around. The show was really good and at my wifes request we sat right at the stage. We ended up staying for about 4 hours total and drank 2 1/2 bottles of wine. Then we went back to the hotel and had sex for 3-4 hours on and off. We use strip clubs from time to time as a bit of prolonged foreplay. 

Interestingly this club women have to ask the DJ to buzz them into the bathroom, I assume this is to prevent guys from following women into the bathroom (this is a bit of evidence to the potential dark side of these places and some of their patrons). Well my wife was down there waiting for the door to buzz after asking and a stripper came out of a door across the hall saw her and asked if she wanted to use their bathroom. My wife said ok and was let into the dressing room. The girls were all in there getting their outfits on most of them were smoking joints, interesting look for her into the belly of the beast. This place was a higher end place so I didn't really get the, supporting a drug habit, vibe from any of the main show dancers, just those first one or two early on. 

The male strip club was the night before, we were curious as to what the scene would be. Well pretty much the same as the clubs with female dancers. This place was supposedly geared towards gay men and there were a lot of gay men there, but also a lot of women, bachelorette parties, couples and mixed groups. I will say some of the dancers were quite impressive with their dance skills. Women watching the show are much more comfortable reaching out and grabbing the dancers (Montreal most of the clubs are fully nude and full contact) If a guy did this to a woman on stage they would get a very stern warning from security or just tossed immediately. One thing of note was mixed drinks at all female dancer clubs are usually pretty weak, at this male dancer club the drinks were like straight alcohol, we each got a margarita and it was basically straight tequila. 

At the female club we get approached for private dances regularly, at the male club it never happened. If this was supposed to be geared towards gay men I feel bad for those guys as 90% of the dancers seemed straight and gave most of their attention to the women in the crowd. 

There is a dark underbelly in the business for sure, the expensive higher end places seem to lack the sinister vibes I hear about at the seedier places. We went to one place before going to the male dancer place and before our drinks even arrived were wanted out, we drank fast and ran out of that place quick. Girls were chubby and unenthusiastic, and one was pregnant, WTF!

My experience in clubs is with my wife and we have only spent significant time at higher end places, we want to see in a review complaints about high cover charges and expensive drinks, those two things usually keep the weirdos away. I have never got a vibe from any dancers they were being forced to be there, most are girls working through school or doing it as a side hustle. A good club is basically a money printing press, I don't see how it would make sense risking all that to be part of some traffic ring. I guess I could see a rundown sketchy dive place being a front of some kind. 

Personally I don't think I would enjoy going without my wife, she loves it and couples seem to get treated very well compared to groups of guys. 

As far is is it cheating for guys to go on their own, that is an individual question of that marriages boundaries and whether or not he stays within the lines. Same for the women going to the mens clubs. I will say I have seen guys grab dancers on stage and been aggressively moved away, at the male dancer club I lost count of how many times I saw a woman grab a guys junk without one word from management.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Once you see a man searching a stripper's mouth with a flashlight before getting down to business, you'll probably never want to eat at one of those places again.


Could be. No doubt there's some truth to that. This was way 80s, I seem to have survived. 

The thing would be on site evaluation decision.
The places I'm talking about weren't low rent dark and shadowy places you may be centering on.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Could be. No doubt there's some truth to that. This was way 80s, I seem to have survived.
> 
> The thing would be on site evaluation decision.
> The places I'm talking about weren't low rent dark and shadowy places you may be centering on.


Uh, no I'm not talking about low rent places. My exposure was with the highest paid strippers in town that some attractive sought after musicians would use. The strip clubs who buy a fleet of cars for their strippers. They still look at their mouth with a flashlight before putting anything in there.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Uh, no I'm not talking about low rent places. My exposure was with the highest paid strippers in town that some attractive sought after musicians would use. The strip clubs who buy a fleet of cars for their strippers. They still look at their mouth with a flashlight before putting anything in there.


Ok


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

I don't know if this is still a thing but 30 yrs ago there was a pretty nice one not far from work. On Wed thru Fri they had this big lunch buffet spread for reasonable price. We'd go a couple times a month just for lunch of course. 😇.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I've been to a strip club 3 times in my life and it always felt awkward. Last time was about 15 years ago. It just didn't feel like I belonged there. I only had what I would call a good time once and that was because we treated it more like a bar that happened to have naked women wandering around. That said, if you are hands off, just looking, and your spouse knows what you are doing then it isn't cheating in my book. Just so you know I'm, not a hypocrite, my wife has gone to an all-male review "strip club" with her friends. Not really her thing either as it turns out. 

I think it would be an issue if it were a regular occurrence. I think my wife would have more of an issue with the spending involved than the looking a boobies. Strip clubs are extremely overpriced and why pay to see boobs I can't touch when I've got a beautiful wife at home? 

It is weird because on the surface it seems like a strip club would be awesome. You've got music, alcohol and naked women. What isn't there to like? Somehow though, it just ends up being pathetic. OS is right, look around at the regulars and it is sad. It reminds me of a casino and seeing what to me looks like mind numbed miserable people dumping money into a slot machine. They are doing the same, except it is a g-string they are dumping money into. I don't do casinos either BTW. 

I can see why wives' would not approve. I mean come on, you're spending hard earned family money on naked women and alcohol. Why would a wife be happy about that?

I don't think you can underestimate the sex trafficking issue either. I went to a club in Montreal and I don't think anything was going on there. In fact one person in our group did nothing more than put his index finger on a stripper's tattoo (on her thigh) and we were tossed in the blink of an eye. Another time though, I went with a friend to a club in Springfield, MA. There is zero question that there was prostitution going on. There were guys standing on the street in front of the club asking if you wanted a "date" with Brandi or Candi or whoever. Talk about feeling uncomfortable. I have no doubt they were getting a cut of what those women made in the club as well as pimping them out on the street.


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## wolfstooth (10 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> a number of stripper threads have come and gone over time and some people have felt passionately that it is nothing less than adultery while others tend to brush it off as a boys or girls night out of fun but no real harm. Some may think it's juvenile and distasteful but doesn't really rise to the level of cheating.
> 
> While we can debate whether it is harmless adult fun vs marital infidelity until cows come home, I think there can be some bigger questions raised here.
> 
> ...


I went to a topless bar a few times years ago because I was invited by friends. I wasn’t in any type of relationship at the time. As a guy, I didn’t like it. It’s fake and they just want your money. I also have never had any issues picking up ladies tho.

I’m in no way okay with my wife going to see male strippers. To me, it doesn’t make any difference whether it’s the bartender, her boss/coworker, some rando off the street or a stripper. She has no business engaging in sexual contact or being in a sexual atmosphere with someone else.

If she needs that, or her friends are a higher priority than the intimacy of our marriage, we can go our own way.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I've been to a strip club 3 times in my life and it always felt awkward. Last time was about 15 years ago. It just didn't feel like I belonged there. I only had what I would call a good time once and that was because we treated it more like a bar that happened to have naked women wandering around. That said, if you are hands off, just looking, and your spouse knows what you are doing then it isn't cheating in my book. Just so you know I'm, not a hypocrite, my wife has gone to an all-male review "strip club" with her friends. Not really her thing either as it turns out.
> 
> I think it would be an issue if it were a regular occurrence. I think my wife would have more of an issue with the spending involved than the looking a boobies. Strip clubs are extremely overpriced and why pay to see boobs I can't touch when I've got a beautiful wife at home?
> 
> ...


Yeah, it's too bad, because they usually have the kind of music I like. The first time I went was in college, didn't know what it was, and I was just humiliated for those girls and the guys watching them.

Then I've been to two bachelorette parties at male strip clubs, which to me wasn't as sad, because those guys don't have a centuries of exploitation behind them, but I was still just embarrassed for them. I mean, it is all so absurd.

I had two friends who made costumes (what there is of them, thongs) for them, so I heard a lot about it, one male and one female. And even though I refused strip clubs from there forward, I have been exposed to many of them up close and personal other places, plus a porn star, and that's just that I know of. Oh, and I also knew a couple of male strippers, one just because my client had him living with her. The other I worked with my one year at an auto dealership. He was always the No. 1 salesman. Hah. I never would have guessed. 

And of course, even in my unrelated work I do now, you learn about that and trafficking occasionally.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> ...which to me wasn't as sad, because those guys don't have a centuries of exploitation behind them...


From a man that frequently endorse some of your thoughts and respect all of them, I find this one to be sad and dissapointing.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ElOtro said:


> From a man that frequently endorse some of your thoughts and respect all of them, I find this one to be sad and dissapointing.


I'm sad and disappointed that you're sad and disappointed.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm sad and disappointed that you're sad and disappointed.


Would you please read once more my post?
I´m not.
In other words, it´s not about whom feels it but the what about.
Thank you for answering.


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## Dannyyyyy (4 mo ago)

Used to work at a strip club back in my University days, and of course got to know lots of the girls very well,

From my experience, the girls working there could be put into a few different categories,

1 - The school stripper

The school stripper is a young college aged girl who is stripping to make money to pay for her schooling/university/college or whatever.
Most of these girls continue stripping part time after they graduate and get a professional job,
Some quit completely after school,
A small percentage of these girls get caught up in the lifestyle, and get obsessed with the easy money, and unfortunately drop out of school,
Some try to become a "career stripper" (see #3) but most will blow all their money and fail.

2 - The single mom stripper

The single mom stripper normally works the day shift while her kid (or kids) are in school,
She normally doesn't make much money, but enough to get by.

3 - The career stripper

The career stripper is not very common, but they are out there,
Most career strippers end up failing, very few succeed,
The career stripper is a girl who starts at a young age, is very determined, and banks her money,
This stripper doesn't waste her money on fancy cars, clothes, houses etc, 
She saves her money and makes enough to retire at an early age
The career stripper does not do drugs, and rarely drinks,

4 - The prostitute stripper

The prostitute stripper is only there for an hour or two each night
This stripper uses the strip club to set up prostitution calls outside of the club,
Most of the time at a local hotel/motel close by,

5 - The druggie stripper

The druggie stripper is a girl who is there to support her habits,
Most of the time by the end of the night, these girls can barely stand up,
It is very sad to see,
Sometimes they even fall off the stage (yes it happens!!)

6 - The party/friend stripper

The party stripper is a girl who's best friend works at the club, she comes in with her friend to "try it out"
Most of the time these girls end up drinking too much, and forget that they are there to make money,
A lot of the time these two friends become enemies, sometimes by the end of the night!!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I did participate in a couple male stripper amateur open nights at a club in Atlanta when my buddy and I accidentally went to a club, ladies night, that was just after a male stripper show then guys were let in at 10:00, for regular club music dancing and was asked to come back and do the amateur night. We truly didn't know that was going on but rolled with it. And the ladies were already primed if you will.

It wasn't my best judgment but in early eighties was a huge party time in Atlanta. So too many substances plus alcohol and I did. 

I did learn first hand that many women enjoy those shows and are free with tips, drinks, and very very handsy.

I was young, in my prime, single and thought hey what could be more fun!

I don't regret it but chose to not keep on, that was best choice. But I learned a lot in those couple times about how some women like rowdy nights the same as guys.

But looking back it could have gone very wrong, as I woke up sometimes and had to remember where I was. That was a lesson too.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> a number of stripper threads have come and gone over time and some people have felt passionately that it is nothing less than adultery while others tend to brush it off as a boys or girls night out of fun but no real harm. Some may think it's juvenile and distasteful but doesn't really rise to the level of cheating.
> 
> While we can debate whether it is harmless adult fun vs marital infidelity until cows come home, I think there can be some bigger questions raised here.
> 
> ...


I am not a prude and don`t consider anyone visiting a strip club as cheating unless visiting strip clubs becomes an obsession. I`ve also never heard of any people who have visited strip clubs ending up in prison, it`s not illegal.
Back in the UK I used to belong to a football club and on occasions they had stag nights for the guys. This involved male comedians and female strippers performing on the stage sometimes even doing lesbian acts on each other. But we considered this more as fun and a laugh than being sexually involved.
Us lads mostly quite drunk by then would cheer and do what lads do when out at such events. But that`s a far as it went. My wife was fine with that, no problem.
The same applies when women go to bachelorette parties that often involve having male strippers, I`d have no objections to my wife going to one of those events with her female friends or coworkers because we trust each other,
It`s only if at a bachelorette party an engaged or married woman starts sucking a stripper`s D or lets a male stripper fondle her or goes even further that it becomes crossing the boundaries and yes, then it could be described as cheating. Similar apples to fiances or husbands that visit strip clubs.
As regards lap dancers, a guy paying a woman to commit sexual contact with him is cheating and a woman having sexual contact or committing sexual acts with a male stripper is also cheating. If my wife went to a bachelorette party and someone videoed her doing unspeakable acts there, I would never trust her again and would be filing for divorce.
So to sum this up, in my opinion it depends on how much a wife or husband respect their partners so as not to go over the top and can control themselves at such events, in other words it`s Okay to look but not touch.
Anyway, thanks for starting this thread, a good post.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Some years ago I went with my buddies to a strip bar. I noticed what I guessed were some of the locals really getting into it. At one point one of the local guys gave one of the gals a big bouquet of flowers. 
My initial reaction was that was kind of sweet.

On another level, I was thinking that for some guys that are not in a relationship or unsuccessful with women it may be a kind of a substitute. They have a fantasy about these girls that they can't get or don't want from a real relationship.
Remember Bob Segers song 'main street?' This is kind of where that's at. 
I see it as a mixture of sweetness and pathos. For guys that just can't get a girlfriend, maybe thats the next best thing?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

jorgegene said:


> Some years ago I went with my buddies to a strip bar. I noticed what I guessed were some of the locals really getting into it. At one point one of the local guys gave one of the gals a big bouquet of flowers.
> My initial reaction was that was kind of sweet.
> 
> On another level, I was thinking that for some guys that are not in a relationship or unsuccessful with women it may be a kind of a substitute. They have a fantasy about these girls that they can't get or don't want from a real relationship.
> ...


That is a very sad story. I really can't think of anything sadder and more pathetic than a strip club patron giving flowers to a stripper.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> That is a very sad story. I really can't think of anything sadder and more pathetic than a strip club patron giving flowers to a stripper.


Losers who buy gifts for Instagram / onlyfans girls.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> And as I said, you could see from 50 paces away that he was challenged and while high functioning and able to know his name and where abouts to get from Point A to Point B and able to interact on a simple basis, he was clearly not a normally functioning and truly consenting adult.
> 
> I always knew that the strippers were there for money and if some guy was horny and desperate enough to give it to them to see boobies then so be it. But from that moment on, i could no longer even have fun male bonding with the buddies inside a strip joint. I felt dirty and needing a shower for just walking in the door.


For some reason last night I was thinking more about your Eric example. I know it was to point out that stripper are most definitely in it for the money and they were taking advantage of this guy, which they may have been doing. But think about it from his perspective. He likely left that place in the best mood he is in the entire day. He probably had that **** eating grin on his entire ride to work and most of his shift. It probably motivates him to get up in the morning. I doubt his money could buy anything else that would make him as happy or happier than those women in that moment. And what are the odds he would ever find a woman to be in an actual relationship with? He probably touched more boob in one night than he would his entire life without the strip club. I wouldn't be surprised if the stripper were genuinely happy to see him. He is a cash cow that won't make crappy passes at them. I know it is sad to you and I, but isn't this really a win-win for the people involved?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> Losers who buy gifts for Instagram / onlyfans girls.


Yeah that's pretty sad, lol.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

BigDaddyNY said:


> For some reason last night I was thinking more about your Eric example. I know it was to point out that stripper are most definitely in it for the money and they were taking advantage of this guy, which they may have been doing. But think about it from his perspective. He likely left that place in the best mood he is in the entire day. He probably had that **** eating grin on his entire ride to work and most of his shift. It probably motivates him to get up in the morning. I doubt his money could buy anything else that would make him as happy or happier than those women in that moment. And what are the odds he would ever find a woman to be in an actual relationship with? He probably touched more boob in one night than he would his entire life without the strip club. I wouldn't be surprised if the stripper were genuinely happy to see him. He is a cash cow that won't make crappy passes at them. I know it is sad to you and I, but isn't this really a win-win for the people involved?


The time and money he is spending on strippers limits the time that women who might like a real relationship have access to him, to get to know him and show their interest. I suspect that he is failing to learn real social skills that he needs to find a real relationship.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Julie's Husband said:


> The time and money he is spending on strippers limits the time that women who might like a real relationship have access to him, to get to know him and show their interest. I suspect that he is failing to learn real social skills that he needs to find a real relationship.


I don’t know if you read my earlier post about Eric, but he was intellectually challenged. 

he was probably a handful of IQ points above being institutionalized. And it was visibly quite apparent that no one would mistake him for normal functioning, consenting adult.

As I did not know him personally myself, I cannot testify to his legal guardianship status but I would be 99.9999% that his mother or some other relative had legal guardianship and that he would not be able to sign contracts or make his own legal or financial decisions.

now whether his mom knew what he was doing and how he was spending his money I don’t know.

maybe she gave him some kind of stripper allowance or something.

but my point is, it was blatantly obvious that he was not a mentally or intellectually competent adult able to make his own responsible legal and financial decisions and required guardianship.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

You see it a lot on the internet, and that is pathetic in itself, but there is no worse of a simp than the idiot at the strip club fawning over and spending hard earned money on a woman that wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire...


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

jorgegene said:


> Some years ago I went with my buddies to a strip bar. I noticed what I guessed were some of the locals really getting into it. At one point one of the local guys gave one of the gals a big bouquet of flowers.
> My initial reaction was that was kind of sweet.
> 
> On another level, I was thinking that for some guys that are not in a relationship or unsuccessful with women it may be a kind of a substitute. They have a fantasy about these girls that they can't get or don't want from a real relationship.
> ...


They are paying for the illusion of love. I knew a very successful guy who had no trouble getting a girlfriend but sometimes he just preferred to pay for that 'illusion of love' for simplicity I guess. He'd drive 2 hours each way sometimes 3 nights in a row for it. I never quite got the logic of paying to be teased.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Back in the early 90's when I lived in Liverpool and was single, I went on a girls night out to see a bunch of male strippers. (The 1st and only time I went to a strip show) The male strippers stripped completely naked and one of them came over to a bunch of women next to me. He started doing press ups with his willy going in and out the woman's drink in her glass. 

A bunch of women then put their drinks down for him to do press-ups in their drinks. I kept tight hold of my glass haha. My friends and myself couldn't stop laughing at all these crazy women downing their drinks after putting his **** in. 

He also done press-ups with women laying down on the floor underneath him and some of the women were gagging for his **** to be put in their mouth, licking it. Yuckkkk.

There were about 10 male strippers in total and our group thought it was hilarious and no sexual satisfaction. It was total comedy haha. If anyone put their **** In my drink or near my face I'd pour it over their head or slap him.

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