# Question about Relationship



## jstbeyond (Apr 8, 2009)

Hi, I am new to the forum and was reading through some posts and had a question. I have been married for about 20 years. We do have children together and we have had a lot of difficulty in our marriage. Over the last two years I did try to leave, and I had filed for divorce. He did not respond well to this, and I ended up going back. Here is my problem, I have told him where I am at and how I feel. Too much has happened and things cannot work out between us. He gets very angry, and will not accept this. He makes threats, and gets to a point where I am afraid of him and then I will back down. I am also afraid of what he will do once I am able to follow through with this. He can be possesive, controlling, and sometimes he has a bad temper. I am wondering if these are normal feelings and fears for me to have? If anyone else has gone through this same thing? If you want out, should you not just be able to leave? I just don't seem to know anymore. Any input would be great, thanks


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## miturn (Apr 8, 2009)

Consider this. The more you give in to his intimidation the more aggressive he will become because it is working for him. This standover mentality may be a real threat or it may be his way of masking his own fear of loosing you . Either way it is NOT acceptable behaviour.
If you have made your decision that the relationship is over then act on it and follow through. Of course I do not recommend antagonising him but tell him how it is and move forward. 
Plan your exit carefully and enlist as much support from family and friends as possible. 
I am assuming the kids involved are familiar with the tensions between you and your partner and hope that they are old enough to understand that it is better that you make a move rather than allow the unhappiness and escalating aggression to continue. Even if the kids are still young, lead by example and don’t be bullied into staying where you do not want to be. You only have one life. 
You say “Too much has happened and things cannot work out between us” so move on now. Look forward and good luck


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

If you fear for your safety or life - tell him nothing of your plans to leave or where you are going. Also - get a restraining order before you leave - this will be some level of protection for you. It is not normal for you to be threatened or fear for your safety.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

ditto....

don't stay because you're scared of him, that is even more reason to get out. do as TNgirl said, and leave while he's not at home. Take a male relative/friend/ even the police might be able to help you.

Just refuse this time to give in to his threats....

you don't deserve this... stay strong.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i told my H on march 7 th , i dont want to be with u n e more. 
for certain reasons at the moment. i havent asked him to go. although i would prefer it.
but i have asked for a separation and to be honest were just like lodgers in the same house.
trying to be civil to eachother.
this is prob the worst i have felt about our marriage.
and we have split up several times.
i am moving on.
im not putin up with his miserable energy on me n e more.
what im sorry about is, i meet ppl and i know ppl who have had hard lives and have nothing. yet they stil have smiley happy natures. stil enjoying what they have and they have nothing.
i consider my circumstances to be some what appreciated.
i can see/ turn negative circumctances into a positive to get through.
but my H is just miserable inside, no matter what the cards deal and i stil considered him a lucky man because he had a wife like me that always tried to see him through.
granted i did have some things. but im not giving n e more.


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