# He is asking for divorce, what can I do to move forward



## alicewonderland (Feb 11, 2011)

OMG he told me he was in bed with someone. That’s how he broke the news to me he has another woman. He left almost 3 months ago saying he loves me and wants this to work. I was married by 19 and have two teenagers for 23 years and he now walks out. This new women works with him and has gone away with him through work for as long as I know couple of years, how stupid was I? and has two young children. I don’t get. Why would you leave your family and go into another family? I have been waiting at home thinking he will come back as he said this. I am so angry and sad. Now he is seeking divorce and the shock is settling down but not sure what to do? I went to a solicitor and they are waiting for his letter. I want to keep the house for the kids but the impression he gives me he wants to sell it. I am so pissed. I need to start a new life and don’t know how to do this. I have tried to make some new friends ( he took all our friends) and thought to join some groups or something but wanted to know how others coped and ideas of things to do to move on instead of moping at home crying????????


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Some practical thoughts...

You say you want to keep the house, and he gives the impression he wants to sell it. This may have to be a financial decision rather than an emotional one. Can you afford to keep the house? Is there equity in your house? Your location will likely determine some of your rights (in terms of child and spousal support); have you started researching that, or has your lawyers talked to you about that?

How did he "take" all your friends? What about your family? Do you have any female friends that you hung out with when he wasn't around, or when he was out?

And yes, you should find some things outside the house to do. Do you work? Any hobbies? Join a gym, volunteer, whatever you need to do to get out of the house. 

C


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## vict0ria_b (Mar 10, 2011)

PBear said:


> What about your family?
> C


I have the same thought as PBear.. Do you have family around? One of the BEST things you can do for yourself right now is surround yourself with people who LOVE and CARE for you. 

I live in NC because my husband is military and both of our families live in FL so I understand if you can't get close to any family right now. 

Do a search on CL for things going on in your town. People are always looking for volunteers, and giving really cheap classes at the local community centers for different activities. 

Make a commitment to get out of the house a ACTUALLY GO DO IT. I stress this all the time because I have been dealing with the S for a month and you wouldn't believe how many times I have canceled on people. Luckily they understand. Just be honest with people about what you are going through when you have those days when you really just can't get out of the bed.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Check it out: get a lawyer and fast if he has already fileld so you can respond.
He doesn't get to dictate what will happen with the house or anything else just cause he wants out. DO NOT forget that. If het ells you, "We should do X" tell him " I will review that with my lawyer and get back to you."
Go under. Meaning, do not let him know what you're up to. He has some nerve calling you from bed with another woman.


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## alicewonderland (Feb 11, 2011)

Thanks for all your advice. It’s been really tough accepting this marriage is over. I was telling my story to someone today and when I heard myself say" the last time he hit me he split my lip" I thought why am I crying for him. I am pathetic. I will take on all your advice and thank you so much. I am going to try and join a gym and push myself out. I have been to the doctors and they have prescribed antidepressants two days ago and my daughter doesn’t want me to take them but I think I need them as cry every day. She says mum it’s ok to cry but doc said if I don’t take them I won’t cope through divorce. Looking at them now still undecided whether to take them???


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

alicewonderland said:


> I have been to the doctors and they have prescribed antidepressants two days ago and my daughter doesn’t want me to take them but I think I need them as cry every day. She says mum it’s ok to cry but doc said if I don’t take them I won’t cope through divorce. Looking at them now still undecided whether to take them???


been on them for a couple of months now, the last 4 weeks or so has been 1/2 reasonable, prior to that I was not good...

Take them in the prescribed dose, anti depressants have a bad rep from years ago. The only side effect I have is a slight ache at times in the elbow & knew joints, and very very slight shakes when I am standing still.


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## alicewonderland (Feb 11, 2011)

Thank you, I was just terrified to take them as I have read up on the side effects and trying to convince myself I am strong and can deal with this, maybe I need to accept I really cant!


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

alicewonderland said:


> Thank you, I was just terrified to take them as I have read up on the side effects and trying to convince myself I am strong and can deal with this, maybe I need to accept I really cant!


depression isin't just a state of mind, it is a chemical imbalance, a real thing. Happy to have been of help, good luck.

I was very reluctant at first, now I can say I should have been on them a few years ago, might not be in the situation I am in now !


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh wow. I missed the part about him being physically abusive. Woman, he has done you a favor!!! Abusers NEVER change--they only get worse over time.



alicewonderland said:


> I have been to the doctors and they have prescribed antidepressants two days ago and my daughter doesn’t want me to take them but I think I need them as cry every day.


If you feel you need them, take them. People who haven't been through a depression cannot fathom what it's like. I went into a MAJOR depression pre-separation as well as post-separation and kick myself every single day for not taking the meds. I still feel down at times but looking back I should have most definitely gotten medicine. I really don't know how I made it through that hell! 

Depression is no joke. 

What's going on with all the legal stuff? You can always file first and have him be the respondent.


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