# When will I learn - he lies....



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

as most of you know - my story - 16 yrs married - 8 mos separated.

Spouse has 1 year long affair. Mistress calls me when he tries to
break it off and tells me everything. I am devastated. Go to
counseling. Begs me not to leave. We work on marriage. Go to
marriage counseling, date night, and we start a new normal. He was
semi-remorseful

Money became tighter and tighter with economy. Spouse is general
contractor. 2009 becomes unbearable to keep up bills and mortgage
with just my salary. I become *****y and naggy because he checked out
of reality. Would never talk about bills and did not want to look at
balances or accounts. I asked him to find an alternative job or
deactivate his business license till economy picked up. He completely
shut down. Started going out and found a bar tramp that would listen
to his sad sack stories. Accused me of "Not Believing" in him and
lost all faith and respect in me.

I got depressed and gained weight and sat in the house watching my
young daughter drinking wine while he avoided the house. In May, I
kicked him out for yet another affair. Finances are mess. Wanted to
file for divorce, but needed retainer money.

Spouse and I started to communicate a bit better and began to
co=parent better. I sent him terms for divorce and wanted us to agree
so it would not cost us a fortune. Again, he was in denial and would
not show up for any meetings.

In January, found out his rented shack was no longer his. His
landlord had his son move in. Spouse back at bar tramps house. I
absolutely prohibit daughter to coorespond with spouse when he is with
bar tramp. tramp has 4 duis, drug possession charges and has been
having an affir with a married man.

Last week he called and cried and told me he did not want a divorce.
he has been avoiding us because he cant believe marriage is over. He
came over and we talked about alot of stuff. Felt a bit positive
about maybe becoming friends again. He emailed saying he was sorry,
still loved me, was lost, embarrassed and foolish.

Of course, me not trusting him in any way, I text his bar tramp and
told her exactly what he said i in the email to make sure she was
"hearing" the same thing. (Ok, I also did it to get back at her a bit
too!). He called me this morning telling me that I started a ****
storm and that I had no right texting her.

Big argument pursued. Told him I was not the same naive girl and
would be investigating anything he tells me.

He is a true narcissist! When will I ever learn... 2 steps
forward... 4 steps back emotionally.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What was he like before all of this happened? Was he easy to get along with? responsible?


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Yes he was responsible and a stand up guy. Always a bit selfish with his time. But I thought always dependable, family man, honest. 

Not sure who the hell this new man is. His siblings are all appalled at his behaviour and he never sees his friends.

I ran into his old friend last night at dinner and we talked. Turns out my spouse told him that I turned into a different woman and that he could not take it any longer and we were separated. I asked when this conversation was. He said, "October, a week after you separated". I laughed and told him that I kicked him out in May and told him about the affairs. 

He was shocked to find out about the first one and said he had heard about the second from around town. He thought spouse was completely insane to leave us and knows the skanky bar tramp. 

Has never seen him or hear from him since. He has checked out of everyones life.

He is embarrassed, foolish, and feels bad.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

FrustratedFL said:


> Told him I was not the same naive girl and would be investigating anything he tells me.


:smthumbup:


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## CarolAnn (Jan 5, 2012)

Get out of this marriage while you can. He is using you. Don't let 16 years turn into 20, being miserable and wondering what he's doing.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I've somewhat been in your position for six years. My estranged husband didn't want to face reality, so he got a second opinion. The mistresses all told him he was wonderful businessman. However, I was telling him to stop partying and quit spending money. 

He finally moved out in 2008. He said I was a negative person--I didn't approve of his partying, swinging, vacationing, and massive money blowing. We were already having severe financial problems then. Things have gotten much worse. We've essentially lost everything. But, he's still living in denial (and a gated community beach home).

Since I've been on your path, I would say forget him. Have no further contact with him. That's the only way his lies will not have an impact on you. Be thankful you have a job. You have options. The main thing is to stop the financial drain on you.


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