# what now :s



## Kapla| (Jul 4, 2012)

my ws said she would stop talking to him and so far it seems she did. she is still angry about that and complains about it all the time. tells me how she hates me b/c all of her family is mad at her for what she has done. she acts angry all the time and hatefull but doesnt want me to leave. starts caring if i mention leaving but she wont admit to any wrong doing. keeps saying they where just freinds. am i going the right way or just going in circles


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

This is the common reaction, you are doing it right. She is angry because you ruined her fun and hasn't taken responsibility her actions. Stay cool and let her run the process. With time it'll even out.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Yes this will continue for awile. Your wife was getting a high from her adventure and she looks at you as the person that took it away from her. 

This will take a little time


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Most cheaters delude themselves into thinking that they did nothing wrong but if their spouses did the same thing they did, they would be screaming bloody murder.

Ask her to imagine hard enough that it was you, not her, that had the relationship with another woman, and then ask her if she would have done anything differently than what you did, then leave her to ponder your words.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hold your line in the sand---FIRMLY---If she sees you let up, she will just take it as a sign to re-contact him---for she is still into him, you better know that for a fact

You are her parole officer now---you didn't ask for the job, but it is what it is---good luck


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Stay strong. Firmly.

She has nowhere to go now.


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## Kapla| (Jul 4, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> Stay strong. Firmly.
> 
> She has nowhere to go now.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kapla| (Jul 4, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> Stay strong. Firmly.
> 
> She has nowhere to go now.


she says she is going to a freinds house for a few days. She said she needs time to think. Should i trust her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Kapla| said:


> she says she is going to a freinds house for a few days. She said she needs time to think. Should i trust her
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Should a lamb trust a lion that is looking really hungry? Errr... No!

Do not trust her. Why? You can't. She might not be going to do anything this time, but she has already broken your trust and seems to have done no work toward regaining it.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Kapla| said:


> she says she is going to a freinds house for a few days. She said she needs time to think. Should i trust her
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, no , no did I say no .

If she leaves you D her and change the locks. She is looking for a chance to contact the OM do not fall for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

:iagree:

If she leaves, you go and file. If she has to "think about it alone" (read: scheme against you), she's not into it.

Guess that's not how she seen it unfold in romcoms, but tough luck, welcome to real world.


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## viggling (Apr 27, 2012)

i wouldnt allow that to happen .. lay it out for her .. if she wants to work on the relationship then she should stay with you not go over a friends house


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

I would let her go but put a VAR in her car first. You've got to know what she's doing. You'll find out either she is still cheating scum or that it might be a small step to trusting her again if she indeed does what she says.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Kapla| said:


> she says she is going to a freinds house for a few days. She said she needs time to think. Should i trust her
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No No - This means you are loosing your grip- She has other thoughts that she will regret afterwards.

If she wants to think, let her think it *WITH YOU*. Not in solitude.


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## Kapla| (Jul 4, 2012)

snap said:


> :iagree:
> 
> If she leaves, you go and file. If she has to "think about it alone" (read: scheme against you), she's not into it.
> 
> Guess that's not how she seen it unfold in romcoms, but tough luck, welcome to real world.


i told her if she went i was leaving and taking the kids that im not putting up with her doing this she came home and said she wanted to fix this and after a hour and started saying that i was threatning her to stay. I am filling out my papers. She kept saying im just doing this for show and that i cant take the kids she wont let me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, stay strong and take care of you and those kids.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

there are links here for info on emotional affairs, print the stuff out and let her read it. tell her she has already broken your trust in her, so you think she is just looking for a chance to contact him. and ask her, if he was only just a friend, then why is she thinking about him so damn much and damaging her family.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Kapla, you probably heard about "cheaters' script" on here a lot. One thing about scripts is they work only as long as all participants follow it. People have same preconceptions about how affairs unfold, how relationships with the spouse break down in soft, melodramatic, romance book way. Cheaters think they know their partners well. Cheater, more often than not, already dominates the marriage in other aspects, considers the partner their inferior, hence feels safe to cheat and is not afraid of consequences.

What happens when you go off script though, is they immediately feel lost. Like a bad actor whose partner forgot their line in a dialogue, they stand there, repeating the same phrase in increasingly louder voice, hoping the other party will catch up to their role.

That's where your wife is now. Situation has spiraled out of her control. She doesn't like you, but she is at your mercy: thus her anger and yo-yo bouncing.

File, but be prepared for mother of all breakdowns. Also, if she ever threatens you with kids again, tell her it's up to a judge and is outside of her power to decide (and invest in the best lawyer you can afford).


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Kapla| said:


> i told her if she went i was leaving and taking the kids that im not putting up with her doing this she came home and said she wanted to fix this and after a hour and *started saying that i was threatning her to stay*. I am filling out my papers. She kept saying im just doing this for show and that i cant take the kids she wont let me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 I would have said in the most a matter-of-fact tone. " I'm not threatening you, You have choices. I'm not holding you against your will. Of you want to go? Okay! Go! There's the door. You got to do what you got to do. But, then I have to do what I have to do." 

And left it at that.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Uh Oh. She used the "Threatening" word!

I'd buy a VAR and keep it on me at all times to record your conversations with her in case she tries to start a fight with you and get you removed from the house.

This one's in the fog deep!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Another one for the VAR, carry it eveywhere. Cheaters decided even before they are actively cheating they are entitled to play the game with a few aces up its sleeve, they reserve that control, they get used to it, they believe reserve it. Then DDay arrives, they lose that control, they try desperately to keep it, they delude themselves they still have it, they usually do it with selfish demands, calling you bluff, gaslighting, taking things underground... this huge, unthinkable sense of entitlement suddenly is brough to light. Totally ignore it.

Hard 180 on her. ----> The 180 degree rules


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