# Stay in loveless relationship for the kids? Or leave?



## jnb2010

The title basically says it.
I've been with my other half for 5 years now. We have a beautiful son together. But, for quite some time I have just not had the same feelings any more. I feel like he is more my best friend than my partner.

We parent well together, we get along great, rarely argue. But I just don't feel like I love him any more. I have felt this way for quite some time now.

So question is in the title .. leave, or stay for the kids?


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## capacity83

Hi there,

To be honest this is exactly what my ex wife was thinking when we split up and i just wished she had asked for opinions around rather than go ahead with the harsh decision leaving me and destroying our marriage. We also have a 4 yr old son. 

This is coming from my perspective as a man. The thing is if you're partner thinks the same way, then maybe a mutual break up would be fine. Maybe speak to him first about it? See his response. But if you still think he loves you dearly.. which i did, you will probably destroy him. It will hurt him beyond your understanding. A family is what makes a man complete if he loves his wife and child. It is part of his motivation in life. If you're taking this away from him, bear in mind, it will change your "Friendship" with him. He will probably end up hating you (depending what kind of person he is) in order to get over you. Or he could be fine with it and let you have what you what. 

2nd. Divorce has a severe impact on children. Please do some research on them. 

My advise to you is, this is your problem, not your husbands. Seek some help, marriage councelling, etc etc. How to work on your relationship. Is this your first marriage? if it is... see the stats that first marriages always work out better than the 2nd or 3rd. If you could fall in love with your husband in the first place, get along well and are good parents, then i dont see why cant you fall back in love with him. Unless of course, you have met someone new that you'd like to get to know. 

Ive been torn apart for nearly 4 months now. Thrs a lot of things to consider, single parenting etc etc. It's going to be much much different if you drop the bomb on ur H. Things will change and end up ugly depending on how your husband deals with it. Please dont blame him if he begs, cries, emotionally threatening you. It's a normal response if they love you and their family dearly. Noone ever told me this, if i would have known, then i probably would have handled it better. 

In the end, its your choice to what you want to do. If you drop the bomb, and then later regret it, you may lose your husband through resentment even if you do get back together at a later stage. Think about it properly for the sake of your child. There are always ways to rebuild a marriage if you choose to. I believe if he wasnt abusive and generally a nice man, you should give it all you have. Seek advise first from councilors, and read more books. Also, you're not only hurting your husband but as well as your child. 

Gluck.


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## magnoliagal

My vote is you stay and fight for your marriage. Have you considered marriage counseling? Its what saved my marriage when we went through a bad patch early on. Prior to the counseling we were living like roommates. We did manage to rebuild the love and will celebrate 20 years this summer.


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## jnb2010

Thank you very much for your response.
This is my first marriage, and it has been rocky to say the least. 

Our child is under a year old. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant (a 2 week fling - after it happened, we were separated for a month in total of my pregnancy). I chose to stay with him because, before my son was here, I didn't think I could do it alone, and I was so lonely being by myself. And I always longed for having a family - I didn't want to split it apart before my son was even born.

Now that my son is here, I sometimes wonder if we should have stayed apart. I feel like since that event, I have been growing more and more out of love with him. 

Sometimes, I think he feels the same way as I do, some times I've don't. I've tried to talk about it, but I don't feel like I got any where with our conversation.

All that being said. He is an amazing father, he really is. I see so much love and happiness in his eyes when he's holding or playing with our son that it breaks my heart that I have been feeling this way. 

I think he could handle losing me, it's losing the opportunity to be there for his son every day that would break his heart.

And where we get along well with one another (but more in a sense of being good friends, there is no intimacy, and hasn't been for quite some time) it seems unfair for my son to leave my husband. It just doesn't seem fair for my son to have to grow up with a dad he only sees a few times a week, rather then every day just because I fell out of love.

I'm so torn up about this situation and I'm so sad that I've come to feeling this way.

ETA: I think I know the right thing to do is stay .. but I keep thinking what if I stay my whole life and miss the chance of being really happy?


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## magnoliagal

Here is where part 2 of the story comes in. Okay I have a different answer now. Cheating is a dealbreaker for me. I no longer feel sorry for him. Do what you feel you must.

Carry on. I hate cheaters.


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