# Lie Detecotor Test Wanted? I need advice



## flyersfan (Mar 31, 2010)

My wife has recently found out I've been cheating on her. Only one night stands have occurred and I told her that I never had intercourse with any of the women. She now wants me to have a lie detector test to prove to her I never had sex with anyone else. I think this would end my marriage and I don't want that. How can I tell her that I'm not gonna do the test, without looking coming off as guilty?? thanks for any advice.


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## FeelingLowAboutIt (Apr 17, 2010)

Lie detectors are very prone to false positives. In statistics, a false positive is when a technique or piece of equipment registers the presence of something even when it isn't there. Since you're using "women" as in plural there's another kind of test that's a lot more reliable and you'll want to get that done straight away.

Get checked for STDs. Do it anonymously at a clinic. Do not have the tests paid for by your insurance, because they will drop you in a heartbeat if it turns out you got something real nasty. Pay for tests with a separate lab. If you got something nasty and you love your wife and you are even a little bit of a good person, you'll let her go her way. 

If you don't want to end your marriage, then that feeling is a great starting point. Take that feeling to your wife and unwrap it. If you were having flings not from a need for emotional fulfillment but from animal weakness, well, that's still really bad, but it's easier for a marriage to get through.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Because she already knows/suspects, you have lost the opportunity to keep things from her. When people advise someone NOT to reveal their affair, it's in a situation the one spouse is completely unaware, and revealing it may be out of pure and simple guilt--something the cheater should have to live with. 

You are not in that situation, as you've been told before (this is an older thread) and any further dishonesty will only destroy your marriage beyond what has already been destroyed. She needs to know the truth. 

You have lost the chance to "protect" her from the truth. That's what you'll have to live with--and the consequences of your actions.


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## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

About two years ago, my best friend was involved with a very unstable man, who she found was beating her children. As soon as she was aware of the abuse she fled with he children to some part of central Florida, about 200 miles or so away, and cut off all ties with him. She wouldn't even tell me where she was, or even provide me with a phone number to reach her. She would simply contact me every now and then to let me know she was alright.

While, I truly ahd no clue where she was, her boyfriend viewed me as his only link to her, and thought I did know where she was and how to reach her. He called me several times everyday. I tried to be kind and sensitive, as I continually explained that even I had no way to contact her. He did not believe me, and began telling me that he was going to kill my friend and her children. I told him that if he made any further threats I would contact the police. I accidentally missed his next call, but listened to the voicemail he left me. In the message he said that he could play games to and for me to just watch. About 45 min later, I got a call from my husband, who informed me that my friends boyfriend had come to his job and told him that I had been having an affair with another man. He had concocted this God awful long story to go along with it too. Something about the man being of another race, that I worked with him, that the affair had been going on for about two or three years, and that all of my business conferences were really meetings with my lover. Oh, and my lover's name was Robert, and had conveniently moved away to New York, but flies down to see me. Also, at the end of telling my husband about my so-called affair, he apologized for his hyperactivity, or whatever it was, as he was on meth.

Here's the kicker. My husband believed him.

I was told that I would have to take a lie detector test, or my husband would be divorcing me after 8 years of faithful marriage. I agreed, as I had been given an ultimatum, and felt I had no choice but to go along with the test. I was scared out of my mind to have a false positive. You see, my mother had taken two LDTs in the past, and failed her name and where she lived on both tests. She was told she was lying and it cost her two prospective jobs. I was scared a false positive would cost me my marriage and shame me for something I had not done. I was terrified. My family told me not to take the test and tell my husband to go f**k himself, but I just couldn't go against his wishes.

For the three weeks leading up to the exam, I was treated like filth by my husband. Like scum. Like a dirty servant. He would scream at me, call me names like ***** and ****. He would break things, spill things onto the floor, and tell me to clean it up b***h. I was going through hell. I would call my family and beg them to help me at times. My sister called the cops on us once, as she heard my husband killing my spirit in the background as I begged for mercy, but when the cops came, I knew to tell them that nothing was wrong.

Test day came. I was a wreck. I was interrogated for four hours. For the first two hours, my entire personal life was picked apart by the psychologist. The last two hours consisted of the actual exam, where I sat in a chair on a butt-pad looking dead at a wall in front of me with two belts of coils stretched across my chest and lap. I was hooked up to pulse and sweat monitors. I shook through the whole exam. I could not help it. I pressed back tears. I cried uncontrollably when the examiner told me at the end that I had passed. It had been determined that I was telling the truth. He had even determined through questioning that I had never been unfaithful to my husband with anyone.

My husband apologized to me for everything he had done and said to me, but it did not matter. I have never been able to let go of what he put me through.

However, it proved my innocence. I still have the results in writing somewhere. It wasn't real expensive either.


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