# Affair with coworker



## Anna05 (Jul 29, 2021)

It started 1.5 years ago. At first as close friends more as an emotional affair, and than suddenly it happened physically. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. But, I'm married i have a child. Things later got so complicated at work, my husband find out... he has forgiven me. But things in our marriage are not as were previously. I cant forget this man, i see him every day. Also his family found out, he is single by the way. They are very angry and forbidden him every contact with me. He keeps calling me, talking to me at work, says he loves me. When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man.
I would be grateful if someone tries to give me some advice, because i feel terrible.... I don't know how to continue with my life.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Anna05 said:


> It started 1.5 years ago. At first as close friends more as an emotional affair, and than suddenly it happened physically. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. But, I'm married i have a child. Things later got so complicated at work, my husband find out... he has forgiven me. But things in our marriage are not as were previously. I cant forget this man, i see him every day. Also his family found out, he is single by the way. They are very angry and forbidden him every contact with me. He keeps calling me, talking to me at work, says he loves me. When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man.
> I would be grateful if someone tries to give me some advice, because i feel terrible.... I don't know how to continue with my life.


I think the other man not answering your question is all the answer you need. If he loved you as you think he does, I think he wouldn't have any trouble to answer the question. He would have answered confidently. Instead he escaped the question. 

I'd say don't contact the man, block your number and try to change your job or department if you can; try to heal your marriage since your husband is so willing to. Try to focus on why you cheated, and fix those parts.

Edit**: I agree with a lot of the posters here that it's clear you don't love your husband, but he is your plan B. Leave him be, let him go. But also let the affair coworker go. You don't care about your husband and the coworker doesn't care about you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

The first thing your husband should have made sure of is that you leave your job and cut off all contact with the om. Please do that now. Start looking for a new job and hand in your notice. 
Your marriage has no hope as long as you carry on this contact. You have a child, think of them. 
Put your thoughts and energies into your marriage and child. 
It's good that this man's family are trying to keeping him away, you are not available.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Anyone who has a workplace affair needs to quit their job and find a new one. No exceptions. Until then, the affair is still ongoing and the cheaters are still in the fog.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I am not sure what your question is...are you saying that you love your husband and want to fix your marriage or are you saying that marriage still sucks because you still love this man, and you want to know how to manage seeing him everyday? Do you take any responsibility for your actions at all? Do your husband the biggest favor, divorce him because you are not worth his love.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Do you want your marriage to work or are you staying only because this other man won't be with you?
You are not being fair on your husband if it's the latter. He is preparing to forgive you and yet you are still wanting the other person. Why should your husband make the effort to overcome this when you are not?

If, on the other hand, you truly want your marriage to work, as others have posted you should find a new job, cut contact with the other man and give your husband and family the focus they deserve.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

This why I advocate that once your partner cheats on you, you dump them immediately. The stupid husband forgave her, and here she is asking what to do. In others words, She's trying to make sure that she have all her bases covered in the event the affair partner tells her what she wants to hear. Pathetic, and the husband still a sucker.


OP do your husband a favor, and for once have some integrity. Divorce him, you don't love him, or have any respect for him.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

Anna05 said:


> …things in our marriage are not as were previously.…


What did you expect? It’s not the same it never will be. You are not the “innocent”, “devoted” , or “loving” wife he thought you were. The only thing that remains true from before is that you ARE the mother of his child.

…..WAIT!!!

It is your husband‘s child, correct?




Anna05 said:


> But things in our marriage are not as were previously. I cant forget this man, i see him every day.


WAIT!!! WHAT???

YOU REALLY NEED TO TAKE A LONG LOOK IN THE MIRROR. 

You complain about your marriage not being the same as before, but then you make it clear that your marriage (husband) is not your Plan A.

Your marriage can’t recover if it isn’t Plan A.… in fact it can’t recover if there is any kind of “other plan(s)”



Anna05 said:


> He keeps calling me, talking to me at work, says he loves me. When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband...


I don’t want you to take this the wrong way…

I‘m pretty sure this guy isn’t a farmer. He doesn’t want to buy a cow, when he’s getting the milk for free (words of ”love” & “praise”).

Why would you trade a husband that held you on a pedestal (you may not have seen it as things get lost in the shuffle of day to day life with a new child; but believe me, no man would “forgive you” if he didn’t love you deeply and hold you on a pedestal)….

for a man that sees you as the source of his free milk…. A Cow…


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## PreRaph (Jun 13, 2017)

Anna05 said:


> When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me....


That right there says everything very clearly. You love this man more than your husband and would leave him if your lover said yes. So basically your husband is and has always been Plan B. You are more sorry about not being able to see this man than you are for betraying your husband.

I"m sorry that your husband forgave you and saved the marriage. He made a big mistake.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Your soulmate coworker actually did answer you about having a real relationship with you. He doesn’t have a wife or kid holding him back. If he really loved you, he would be openly be pursuing you. Notice how even his family doesn’t want him with you. Anyone who knows the full story, will see that you are not a woman who a man should have a serious relationship with. Sure your coworker is up for the free sex but he’s not going to wife up a cheating woman with another man’s kid.

You really need to quit your job, go NC with OM, block OM on everything, admit that you’ve continued to talk with OM, Give him access to ALL of your devices, Do not delete any text, pics or videos, provide your husband a complete timeline of the affair. I also strongly recommend that you read How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair.

The reason you’re lost the love you had for your husband is because you replaced him in your heart and body with the OM. Like most women, you’re only really able to love one man. As long as you hold a candle for OM, your husband and father of your child has no chance to R with you.


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

1- His family found out? your affair partner family? did they tell you that or your affair partner did? if your affair partner did then he lies and he is playing you. he only wants an F buddy with a married woman

2- from your post I assume the affair partner is the second person you are physically with and your husband was your first and didnt have experience being with someone else?

your work buddy not answering the question means NO I like what we do behind your husband back - the message from you buddy is " your husband is a loser and I'm Fing his wife and I enjoy it" - and Im sure if you leave your husband right now, your Work buddy will not even look at you


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Quit your job ASAP and find a new one. The other man wants you for sex, nothing else. You're too head over heels to notice you're being played. Your husband is a saint for taking you back, but you are taking that for granted. And you're not just cheating on your husband, you're cheating on your child.

You need counseling quickly before you screw up your life, your husband's and your child's forever. 

You won't get sympathy from me. You are being extremely selfish. It may not be a popular opinion with everyone, but I think people that have affairs are bottom of the barrel. But we all make mistakes and deserve a second chance. You just haven't learned from yours and haven't realized the incredible second chance you're being offered.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

You want advice if a POS who knows a woman is such a [pillar of morality] that she would sleep with him while betraying her husband would take her because she is such an enormous [catch] that she would leave the husband who would give her the gift of reconciliation and would throw that gift back in his face, without gratitude or remorse for doing so, to be with the POSOM?

What man wouldn't jump to be with a woman who would treat the man she swore love and fidelity through thick and thin to - this way? She clearly demonstrated that she is such an enormous catch! <- Sarcasm, for those who need clarification.

I suggest you leave your husband and find out. I'm sure any single man (even the POSOM) would completely trust someone as trustworthy as yourself to never cheat on him and give his heart and possibly later half of everything he owns to you! <- This is dripping with sarcasm, just in case you needed clarification.

My real advice to you is to tell your husband that you want to be with this POS who would sleep with a married woman and leave him (your husband) alone to find an actual, moral woman who could give him the love he deserves. Leave him with the truth in order for him to realize what kind of a woman he really has in his life currently and that literally any other woman would be better for him and he deserves so much better.

As to you crashing and burning with the other man as is definitely due to happen; I tried to find sympathy in my heart for you but I failed miserably.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Anna05 said:


> It started 1.5 years ago. At first as close friends more as an emotional affair, and than suddenly it happened physically. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. But, I'm married i have a child. Things later got so complicated at work, my husband find out... he has forgiven me. But things in our marriage are not as were previously. I cant forget this man, i see him every day. Also his family found out, he is single by the way. They are very angry and forbidden him every contact with me. He keeps calling me, talking to me at work, says he loves me. When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man.
> I would be grateful if someone tries to give me some advice, because i feel terrible.... I don't know how to continue with my life.


so was his silver tongue and dock worth destroying you family and life.

He didn’t answer your question about leaving your husband because all he wants is a easy ****toy. He won’t answer the question because he is hoping to get you back in bed to be his *****.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Start by giving your husband his freedom.

Actually, ask you husband to come here and we will help him through this horrible situation.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Anna05 said:



When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband.

Click to expand...

*Well gosh and golly..._that's _confusing! 😕

I'm sure he loves you with everything he has!   In fact, I'd get to my lawyer pronto and start a divorce from your husband rolling. Yeah, I know he claims he "forgives" you, but he doesn't. So I'd get that divorce going and I'd make sure not to punish your husband financially in the property settlement because after all, he didn't do anything to deserve being taken advantage of, right?

Right.

So after the divorce is in motion and you've set your husband free with his share of the financials, I'd consider buying a small love-nest just for you and your special guy. Hell, I'd even buy monogrammed towels, that's how sure I am that you two are meant to be together in Shangri-La.

Do come back and let us know how well things are going for you and your special man! I'm a sucker for a love story every time!


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Anna05 said:


> When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.


Oh....he answered you, you just chose not to pay attention.

There aren't many guys who will want to end up with an affair partner who cheats on their spouse. I know, it sounds hypocritical but think about it - "if she cheated on him, she'll cheat on me", and "I'm single, she has a kid...no thanks". 

You aren't necessarily a hot commodity for a single guy looking to settle. I feel bad that your husband did.


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## Asterix (May 16, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Well gosh and golly..._that's _confusing! 😕
> 
> I'm sure he loves you with everything he has!   In fact, I'd get to my lawyer pronto and start a divorce from your husband rolling. Yeah, I know he claims he "forgives" you, but he doesn't. So I'd get that divorce going and I'd make sure not to punish your husband financially in the property settlement because after all, he didn't do anything to deserve being taken advantage of, right?
> 
> ...


OP, I think, in the long run this is the best course of action for everyone involved here. I'd urge you to give this some serious thought.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Well gosh and golly..._that's _confusing! 😕
> 
> I'm sure he loves you with everything he has!   In fact, I'd get to my lawyer pronto and start a divorce from your husband rolling. Yeah, I know he claims he "forgives" you, but he doesn't. So I'd get that divorce going and I'd make sure not to punish your husband financially in the property settlement because after all, he didn't do anything to deserve being taken advantage of, right?
> 
> ...


Put me down for monogrammed bath robes. The type that last a lifetime since that's where this relationship is headed.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Anna05 said:


> i have a child


How very unfortunate.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Anna05 said:


> It started 1.5 years ago. At first as close friends more as an emotional affair, and than suddenly it happened physically. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. But, I'm married i have a child. Things later got so complicated at work, my husband find out... he has forgiven me. But things in our marriage are not as were previously. I cant forget this man, i see him every day. Also his family found out, he is single by the way. They are very angry and forbidden him every contact with me. He keeps calling me, talking to me at work, says he loves me. When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man.
> I would be grateful if someone tries to give me some advice, because i feel terrible.... I don't know how to continue with my life.


Report him to Human Resources.

Interesting choice of words. You said "It was the best thing that has ever happened to you." Then you mention that you are married and have a child.

So your act of adultery was* better* than marrying your husband?* Better* than giving birth to your child?

You need to take a deep, long look at yourself, @Anna05.


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

Anna05 said:


> When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... *he escaped the question without giving specific answer* to it. He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man.


He gave you the answer, you just didn't hear, recognize it or refused to acknowledge it. He's asking how are things between you and your husband because it's more fun and less work (for your AP) if you stay married. Why have you full time when he can have you part time and still enjoy the full benefits? He's leaving the bills, mortgage and life problems for your husband to resolve. 

He gets your love, passion and sex without providing you with commitment, exclusivity and loyalty. He has no incentive to commit because he's getting what he wants already. It's like why work for money if you can get it without working.

If you want to really know how he feels about you, deny him sex and see what happens. Or tell him you've left your husband and see if he sticks around. There are a few men in this world who are authentically POS. He may be one. In fact I'm pretty sure he is. You fell for the oldest male maneuver in the book, hook, line and sinker. He's in it for the sex. He's not in it for you.


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Do you want to leave your marriage? Answer that question first rather than hoping that OM will give you the answer and an easy route.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Report him to Human Resources.
> 
> Interesting choice of words. You said "It was the best thing that has ever happened to you." Then you mention that you are married and have a child.
> 
> ...


Great point. Would not surprise me if she regrets marrying her husband and wishes she were married to her true wuv instead. But when WWs wish or think like this, they are actually wishing their kid away too. Without the husband that she’s now repulsed by, she wouldn’t have her child.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Lostinthought61 said:


> I am not sure what your question is...are you saying that you love your husband and want to fix your marriage or are you saying that marriage still sucks because you still love this man, and you want to know how to manage seeing him everyday? Do you take any responsibility for your actions at all? Do your husband the biggest favor, divorce him because you are not worth his love.


LoL. I’m pretty sure she is asking advice on how to successfully monkey-branch.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Your bf isn’t interested in marrying you. You need to stop all contact with him and try to rebuild the life you have — not fantasize about the life you don’t have.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

this coworker seems like a user , as he was happy to take what he could get but when you ask if you left your husband what would he do , and he did not give you the response you wanted 

"When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... *he escaped the question without giving specific answer* to it. He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man."

second you are not fair to your husband he has forgiven you and you still ask this to your coworker / lover ,

I don't know what you want of us , 
your husband is the one that was cheated on and to add to it you then go back to the lover and see if he would make a better offer 
like it was a deal for a second hand car , 

i would have thought you would be asking if you are right to stay in a job with this lover as a coworker 
or what you could do to rebuild your family , 
I THINK it is time to start been more honest to your husband and block all contact with this other user


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

Anna05 said:


> It started 1.5 years ago. At first as close friends more as an emotional affair, and than suddenly it happened physically. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. But, I'm married i have a child. Things later got so complicated at work, my husband find out... he has forgiven me. But things in our marriage are not as were previously. I cant forget this man, i see him every day. Also his family found out, he is single by the way. They are very angry and forbidden him every contact with me. He keeps calling me, talking to me at work, says he loves me. When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man.
> I would be grateful if someone tries to give me some advice, because i feel terrible.... I don't know how to continue with my life.


Your husband must be a saint if he has forgiven you. I know I wouldn't and after reading a lot of comments on this site I think the majority here would not forgive you either. 

When you say your affair is the best thing that has ever happened to you says a lot about your marriage and you as a person. Most of us would say our children being born is the best thing that has ever happened to us.

Its obvious your husband is at least plan B at best for you. You are only with him until your affair partner will commit to you. That is a terrible what you are doing to your husband. If you really want to be with your husband and fix your marriage you need to stop ALL communication with the other man. That means quit your job immediately. You don't get to give a two week notice. You could go to your boss and explain you had an affair with *__* and you need to quit now to save your marriage. It will at least explain your sudden departure.

However, since your husband is plan B, you have to ask yourself why your AP would want to commit to you. You have already shown him you are a cheater, not loyal and not trustworthy. He might of heard the phrase "If they will do it with you, they will do it to you!" I think you affair partner is lower than dirt for pursing a married woman but even he can see the warning signs of hooking up with a cheater.

I know some of my comments are harsh but I do wish you well. I think you need to come clean to your husband and let him go if he is plan B. Its not fair to him.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

If you don't love your husband then please leave him and quit tormenting him with your affair. As long as you are working with the other man you are still in an affair. Your husband never did anything to deserve what you are selfishly doing to him.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

it is a huge mistake to compare an affair to the best thing that has happened to you or for anyone to think this way 
first you are just seeing one side of the person , 
there is no home life with no worries except getting found out , 
and you have the one at home holding your life together while your playing ,
it is called cheating for a reason 

I would kind of except it if you had a loveless home life and you went too far in a moment of weakness but this went on for a long time and was not going to end only for your husband call a stop to it


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Hope your husband comes to his senses and kicks you to the curb OP. It's the least of what you deserve.


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

Seems like pretty typical behavior for a female in an affair. She’s getting some new D and suddenly thinks this dude is her soulmate and that it’s better than anything ever. The guy is just using you as an easy lay. I feel very sorry for your husband and child and if I was him I’d be contacting my attorney and making sure you never saw our child again.


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> it is a huge mistake to compare an affair to the best thing that has happened to you or for anyone to think this way
> first you are just seeing one side of the person ,
> there is no home life with no worries except getting found out ,
> and you have the one at home holding your life together while your playing ,
> ...


even “moment of weakness” isn’t a valid excuse. A moment of weakness doesn’t make you drop your panties for some new guy. A series of very conscious and selfish decisions leads you to this point. Every woman who cheats was in the drivers seat the whole time.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

jjj858 said:


> even “moment of weakness” isn’t a valid excuse. A moment of weakness doesn’t make you drop your panties for some new guy. A series of very conscious and selfish decisions leads you to this point. Every woman who cheats was in the drivers seat the whole time.


thankfully I have no experience , but i think your right , in the fact that both people know what they are doing ,


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Anna05 said:


> It started 1.5 years ago. At first as close friends more as an emotional affair, and than suddenly it happened physically. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. But, I'm married i have a child. Things later got so complicated at work, my husband find out... he has forgiven me. But things in our marriage are not as were previously. I cant forget this man, i see him every day. Also his family found out, he is single by the way. They are very angry and forbidden him every contact with me. He keeps calling me, talking to me at work, says he loves me. When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man.
> I would be grateful if someone tries to give me some advice, because i feel terrible.... I don't know how to continue with my life.


He's not going to be with you if you leave your husband. That could be for a couple of obvious reasons. One is that he may not respect you for cheating on your husband and doesn't want to be the husband you cheat on one day. The other is he says he loves you but that just may not be at all true. But obviously if he was really interested in you he would have jumped at it when you said you might leave your husband to be with him but instead, he left you high and dry and that's what you need to do to him now.


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

The husband should let her go. Then she will rightfully have neither him nor the OM. Just desserts 🍨


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think you need to think about what you want to do. Nothing can change the past, but you can do what you want with the future.

If this other man didn't answer when you asked if he wanted to be with you, that seems like a pretty clear "no". Since he is now out of the picture, you need to think: (you just need to be honest with YOURSELF, not to anyone here)

Was the affair just a sudden sort of fling with this man, or was it driven by real unhappiness in your marriage.

If it was driven by unhappiness, then you should divorce. No reason to stay in a marriage that makes you unhappy. 

If it was just a "fling", do you think it will happen again If it will, do you plan to hide it and can you be comfortable doing that? 

You have been forgiven so you have the option to get on with your old life - but is that what you want? This is something no one but you can answer, 

BTW - I am 100% non judgmental - miles in other people's shoes and all that. I'm happy to give what advice I can here or by PM, but not to criticize ort to grant absolution. 





Anna05 said:


> It started 1.5 years ago. At first as close friends more as an emotional affair, and than suddenly it happened physically. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. But, I'm married i have a child. Things later got so complicated at work, my husband find out... he has forgiven me. But things in our marriage are not as were previously. I cant forget this man, i see him every day. Also his family found out, he is single by the way. They are very angry and forbidden him every contact with me. He keeps calling me, talking to me at work, says he loves me. When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man.
> I would be grateful if someone tries to give me some advice, because i feel terrible.... I don't know how to continue with my life.


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## ShastaShades (Nov 30, 2020)

Rob_1 said:


> This why I advocate that once your partner cheats on you, you dump them immediately. The stupid husband forgave her, and here she is asking what to do. In others words, She's trying to make sure that she have all her bases covered in the event the affair partner tells her what she wants to hear. Pathetic, and the husband still a sucker.
> 
> 
> OP do your husband a favor, and for once have some integrity. Divorce him, you don't love him, or have any respect for him.


I wish the answer was that simple: "Just dump them immediately after they cheated on you". My husband cheated on me with a co-worker and I found out about 4 years ago. I tried to work things out with him and I do not consider myself stupid or a sucker for at least having tried. 

On the other side, here I am, reading other people's stories learning from what they went through because after 4 years now more than ever I am sure that I need to divorce this man. It's not that I did not forgive him, he's only human. It is that I do not love him, respect him and admire him as I did when I married him.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

You don’t know how to continue with your life. Hmm.

So you’re both madly in love and his family want to keep you away, I see words like ‘angry’ and ‘forbidden’.

It’s madness that people do this to themselves. I don’t really know what else to say, but you seem very unstable, the family and his wife think you’re unhinged and I can’t imagine what your own family think of you.

Do you agree with them? It can’t feel good to reduce yourself to the crazy woman who won’t let go of your great love.

You might be ok when your employers, your husband and the courts make decisions for you, then you’ll be forced to grow up and take responsibility. Maybe. 😕 Will you be able to cope living alone without both men, and if your bosses decide you can’t work there anymore?Take it from a woman - affairs get ugly at work once the affair is exposed and the women usually lose their jobs, not the men.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Anna05 said:


> It started 1.5 years ago. At first as close friends more as an emotional affair, and than suddenly it happened physically. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. But, I'm married i have a child. Things later got so complicated at work, my husband find out... he has forgiven me. But things in our marriage are not as were previously. I cant forget this man, i see him every day. Also his family found out, he is single by the way. They are very angry and forbidden him every contact with me. He keeps calling me, talking to me at work, says he loves me. When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man.
> I would be grateful if someone tries to give me some advice, because i feel terrible.... I don't know how to continue with my life.


Husband should divorce you.
Since he is weak and staying with you.....you should should honor your wedding vows.
Cut off contact with anyone you spend too much time with and start getting feelings for.
You should have cut this man out of your life when you started getting feelings.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Anna05 said:


> It started 1.5 years ago. At first as close friends more as an emotional affair, and than suddenly it happened physically.* It was the best thing that has ever happened to me.* But, I'm married i have a child. Things later got so complicated at work, my husband find out... he has forgiven me. But things in our marriage are not as were previously. *I cant forget this man, i see him every day.* Also his family found out, he is single by the way. They are very angry and forbidden him every contact with me. He keeps calling me, talking to me at work, says he loves me. When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man.
> I would be grateful if someone tries to give me some advice, because i feel terrible.... *I don't know how to continue with my life.*


In 18 months you have unbonded from your husband and bonded to a single man who isn't about to marry a woman who cheats on her husband. Oh, he will "love" you until the newness wears off or another attracts his attention. 
You are an adult woman, surely you know that any single man will do a willing available female? You surely aren't so naive so think otherwise?
Your true love probably doing several besides you over these 18 months. You really should get STD tested, as should your husband.

Your husband needs to wise up, why did he forgive you? You are still in love with your coworker and still around him every day. How could you even think that "things in your marriage" could remain the same?

The* honorable* thing to do would be to divorce your husband and live single, dating the coworker as long as he will have you. Your husband needs to find someone else.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Please leave your husband because he deserves SO much better than a wife who lies and cheats.


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## Anna05 (Jul 29, 2021)

I have blocked this other man from all social network yesterday. He tried to call me, he is on a holiday right now, I ignored him. I read all your coments they were very useful for me to make this decision. Everything that was written i have known it deeply in my heart, but it was difficult for me admit. I would ask for a support of all you not to be weak and forget the other man, without any regret to my decision.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Anna05 said:


> I have blocked this other man from all social network yesterday. He tried to call me, he is on a holiday right now, I ignored him. I read all your coments they were very useful for me to make this decision. Everything that was written i have known it deeply in my heart, but it was difficult for me admit. I would ask for a support of all you not to be weak and forget the other man, without any regret to my decision.


Hi Anna, 

This is a good start. What do you want to happen next? What support would you like from this group?


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## Anna05 (Jul 29, 2021)

MarmiteC said:


> i Anna,
> 
> This is a good start. What do you want to happen next? What support would you like from this group?


First I think the best decision is to forget this man. I have a lot questions in my mind about me and my husband. We are very different, I still don't know how we end up together. I;m sociable person who likes to go out with friends, not to get me wrong I would prefer with my family and other friend's family. My husband has so little friends, never makes some arrangements with somebody.... Never go out with a friend. In the last years we have lost a lot of the contacts... I feel so bored and lonely in my marriage.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Anna, you’re from Macedonia right?

It is sadly very common there for women to have affairs now, rather than the other way around, like the old days. I know your culture well. And you know what happens there for women, do women still have to leave the child with the husband when they divorce or has that changed too?


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## Anna05 (Jul 29, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Anna, you’re from Macedonia right?
> 
> It is sadly very common there for women to have affairs now, rather than the other way around, like the old days. I know your culture well. And you know what happens there for women, do women still have to leave the child with the husband when they divorce or has that changed too?


No, the custody of the child usually gets the woman


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Anna05 said:


> I have blocked this other man from all social network yesterday. He tried to call me, he is on a holiday right now, I ignored him. I read all your coments they were very useful for me to make this decision. Everything that was written i have known it deeply in my heart, but it was difficult for me admit. I would ask for a support of all you not to be weak and forget the other man, without any regret to my decision.


Blocking him while he is on holiday is a start, but as long as you work together, this is an utterly futile gesture. You would need to change jobs, because seeing him at work will not allow for you to get over him.


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## marshy (Apr 1, 2021)

On LS you have not mentioned you've blocked him. You are still trying to justify it


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## Killi (May 12, 2021)

Steve from accounting strikes again. 

I don't see this changing unless your husband becomes more assertive and puts his leg or you grow some morals and ethics.


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## marshy (Apr 1, 2021)

I see you've now changed on LS too


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

She was bored. So she got a lover. That is real love there!!!


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

ABHale said:


> She was bored. So she got a lover. That is real love there!!!


Some people should just never, ever be parents or in a relationship. I have no idea why her husband chose to forgive her. If it were me, she'd be talking to me through my lawyer and staying with friends while looking for a new place of her own.

I'm just saying this to make OP realize that her husband has offered her a gift of R which someone like me would never have offered.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

My take is Anna's problems and failing with the other man is not the issue. Her real problem is with her husband. If she really wanted to be with her husband, the other man wouldn't be in the picture and she would have no problem ditching the guy. The girl is keeping her options open. Why not, with a little planning she can have the exciting extra thing on the side and the security of marriage. If the mountain climb goes bad, she always has base camp for R & R.



Dictum Veritas said:


> I'm just saying this to make OP realize that her husband has offered her a gift of R which someone like me would never have offered.


The betrayed spouse offering reconciliation is seldom a good move and is a position of weakness. Its like begging someone to return to work for you after they left for new employment. They'll have the advantage and will take the advantage. The employer will pay a higher wage and benefits for less service.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Some people should just never, ever be parents or in a relationship. I have no idea why her husband chose to forgive her. If it were me, she'd be talking to me through my lawyer and staying with friends while looking for a new place of her own.
> 
> I'm just saying this to make OP realize that her husband has offered her a gift of R which someone like me would never have offered.


Sadly that is a gift that often gets stomped on and thrown right in the trash can.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Anna05 said:


> I have a lot questions in my mind about me and my husband.



As Vlad mentioned, this is your real problem. You need to figure out if you could love/make it work with your husband or not because obviously, What you say and what you have done so far is sufficient enough to conclude that you do not love your husband as in ÿou're not in love with him. This is what you need to figure out.


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

Anna05 said:


> First I think the best decision is to forget this man. I have a lot questions in my mind about me and my husband. We are very different, I still don't know how we end up together. I;m sociable person who likes to go out with friends, not to get me wrong I would prefer with my family and other friend's family. My husband has so little friends, never makes some arrangements with somebody.... Never go out with a friend. In the last years we have lost a lot of the contacts... I feel so bored and lonely in my marriage.


I believe that communication is very important to a good and succesful marriage. Hopefully you and your husband can sit down and openly discuss thing like your needs, his needs and most importantly how any and all of this affects your child. Hopefully you can come to a place where you are all happy and able to move on. One thing you should expect though is that you husband will likely never forget your affair and take years (if ever) to get over. If he can let it go and not bother him then both of you are very lucky. If you work with the OM then I still think you should quit your job so there is no contact. Continuing to work together would be a recipe for disaster for your marriage.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Blocking him while he is on holiday is a start, but as long as you work together, this is an utterly futile gesture. You would need to change jobs, because seeing him at work will not allow for you to get over him.


This is absolutely correct, and it is a very bad sign that your husband has not already demanded that you change jobs as a condition of reconciliation. 

Your husband also needs support from other men that can help him work on his own confidence and strength. If he remains as passive and weak as he seems to be from your description of your situation, this will happen again.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

VladDracul said:


> My take is Anna's problems and failing with the other man is not the issue. Her real problem is with her husband. If she really wanted to be with her husband, the other man wouldn't be in the picture and she would have no problem ditching the guy. The girl is keeping her options open. Why not, with a little planning she can have the exciting extra thing on the side and the security of marriage. If the mountain climb goes bad, she always has base camp for R & R.
> 
> 
> 
> The betrayed spouse offering reconciliation is seldom a good move and is a position of weakness. Its like begging someone to return to work for you after they left for new employment. They'll have the advantage and will take the advantage. The employer will pay a higher wage and benefits for less service.


Taking into account the culture, Slavic women who cheat don’t fare too well and it’s pretty rampant over there. He’s going to end up very well off, and she’ll leave anyway for someone soon. They usually end up with a stack of kids, & 3 marriages, ostracised by their families, and on a reality tv show. (I’m very serious - her husband is going to be the winner here 😉) I know these women well and where they come from. Slavic women age poorly when they cheat 🙂


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## TheGoodFather (Feb 12, 2021)

Anna05 said:


> It started 1.5 years ago. At first as close friends more as an emotional affair, and than suddenly it happened physically. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. But, I'm married i have a child. Things later got so complicated at work, my husband find out... he has forgiven me. But things in our marriage are not as were previously. I cant forget this man, i see him every day. Also his family found out, he is single by the way. They are very angry and forbidden him every contact with me. He keeps calling me, talking to me at work, says he loves me. When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man.
> I would be grateful if someone tries to give me some advice, because i feel terrible.... I don't know how to continue with my life.


Hello there @Anna05 , I am your AP. You asked me if I want to be with you if you leave your husband. I evaded the question. You know why? Because I know already what you are capable of. I know that you are a cheater without regard to your husband and child. Why would I want to spend my life with a cheater who will not hesitate to cheat on me when given the chance to do so? I just want to keep you on a b00ty call while on a look out for that decent woman who can respect me and keep the marriage vow. So, let's just enjoy our casual hook ups until I get bored or until I meet the woman I can truly trust to keep the marriage together.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TheGoodFather said:


> Hello there @Anna05 , I am your AP. You asked me if I want to be with you if you leave your husband. I evaded the question. You know why? Because I know already what you are capable of. I know that you are a cheater without regard to your husband and child. Why would I want to spend my life with a cheater who will not hesitate to cheat on me when given the chance to do so? I just want to keep you on a b00ty call while on a look out for that decent woman who can respect me and keep the marriage vow. So, let's just enjoy our casual hook ups until I get bored or until I meet the woman I can truly trust to keep the marriage together.


If this really is you which I am very doubtful about partly due to your user name when you are supposed too be single, don't you realise that you are just as bad as she is committing adultery with a married woman with a child?
What does that say about your very poor moral values?What decent woman would be in anyway interested in a man who goes after other men's wives?
If they have any sense they would run a mile.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Wow, you do realize that you are just as bad as she is committing adultery with a married woman with a child.
> What does that say about your poor moral values?


You do realize he's just role-playing to make a point, right?

Psst. He's not really the AP.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

syhoybenden said:


> You do realize he's just role-playing to make a point, right?
> 
> Psst. He's not really the AP.


He may or may not be but as I said I doubt it.


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## armycat26 (May 12, 2019)

Anna05 said:


> It started 1.5 years ago. At first as close friends more as an emotional affair, and than suddenly it happened physically. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. But, I'm married i have a child. Things later got so complicated at work, my husband find out... he has forgiven me. But things in our marriage are not as were previously. I cant forget this man, i see him every day. Also his family found out, he is single by the way. They are very angry and forbidden him every contact with me. He keeps calling me, talking to me at work, says he loves me. When once I asked him, if I leave my husband would you be with me.... he escaped the question without giving specific answer to it.He just keeps asking how are thing between you and your husband... I cant understand this man.
> I would be grateful if someone tries to give me some advice, because i feel terrible.... I don't know how to continue with my life.


you have got to be kidding me a year and a half and you don’t know that this guy doesn’t love you do you I love you as long as you get in my bed your husband must be a hell of a man I forgive you and you still doing the same thing you got to be kidding me!! if you’re waiting for everybody on here to give you absolution I don’t think you’re going to get it you don’t know whether or not this guy wants you were not like everyone has said he said he wants to be with you he said he wants to sleep with you you need to wake up lady!!!!!


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Divorce your husband and work on yourself.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Anna can I assume that you are a Macedonian Orthodox Christian and not a Muslim. We both know what would have happened to you if you were a Muslim and your husband in Macedonia found out don't we? Actually it would be pretty bad in the Christian groups too. I am surprised that your husband forgave you!

You are behaving like a spoiled wanton child and as MattMatt pointed out, you consider your time with the POS better than getting married to your husband and also having your first baby!

You really need to work on yourself.

Incidentally, what would happen to you (and your child) if you got divorced? Would you still be able to support yourself and if you got the child, would be able to support the two of you?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

seadoug105 said:


> What did you expect? It’s not the same it never will be. You are not the “innocent”, “devoted” , or “loving” wife he thought you were. The only thing that remains true from before is that you ARE the mother of his child.
> 
> …..WAIT!!!
> 
> ...


Yeah this. 
You’re a horrible wife and the gold standard for why a man is a fool for “forgiving”. Just saying.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

manfromlamancha said:


> Anna can I assume that you are a Macedonian Orthodox Christian and not a Muslim. We both know what would have happened to you if you were a Muslim and your husband in Macedonia found out don't we? Actually it would be pretty bad in the Christian groups too. I am surprised that your husband forgave you!
> 
> You are behaving like a spoiled wanton child and as MattMatt pointed out, you consider your time with the POS better than getting married to your husband and also having your first baby!
> 
> ...


Actually, over there it’s harder on the Christian women, infidelity amongst Eastern European Muslim women is rampant and divorce and parental support is easier to get. Not what you think it’s like at all. Many Muslim men marry Christian women, and they’re very modern. Orthodox women are generally more faithful over there and held to higher standards.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Luckylucky said:


> Actually, over there it’s harder on the Christian women, infidelity amongst Eastern European Muslim women is rampant and divorce and parental support is easier to get. Not what you think it’s like at all. Many Muslim men marry Christian women, and they’re very modern. Orthodox women are generally more faithful over there and held to higher standards.


So why did your husband forgive you? I am assuming you had sex with this POS many times and from what you sy, you enjoyed it more than with your husband. Have you told your husband this? If you did, I would imagine that his ego would have been crushed - so how did he forgive you? Also who else knew about this? If his friends knew it would be twice as hard for him to forgive. I don't get it. Is he ugly, wimpish, lacking in confidence or what? And please do not confuse immorality for modernness.


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