# Narcissist wife?



## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I'm beginning to think my wife may be narcissistic...heres the traits I'm seeing.

-Lacks empathy for my spine condition-crushed disc and 2 herniated. Also both shoulders are full or scar tissue. Alot of this from ironworking and dirt bikes/mountain bikes as a teen. "Why aren't my _______ projects around the house done?".

-Lacks empathy for my parents. They both work alot and haven't planned well...getting in their 60's and have little to retire on...they are scrambling to secure a little something and my wife backstabs them for not babysitting and helping out more..when we are far better off than they are.

-Competition with cousin and husband. Her cousin and husband are one of those couples that bought a house, leveraged it, bought some more, and now rent out several homes. They take vacations...buy new cars....buy fancy housewares....but they are sitting on around $1,500,000 in debt. 
It's always "we never have this, we never do this, when they do" from my wife. We make almost twice the average family's income in the US, and don't have alot of debt because we got one of those land/home packages where you do alot of the work yourself.

-Career achievement is never enough. She went thru a retraining program and is now back to earning good money. We had some tight times financially on my income. The schedule sucks, 3-12hr night shifts, but works for no childcare and eventually she'll move on to another place with better hours. During her schooling I worked a full time job, was finishing up our home, and had our daughter to watch. It was a very full plate. Of course it's not good enough. She wants me to..once again...take care of everything while she goes back to college to get a "master of the universe degree". We're in our mid 30's btw... On top of that there is no waiting list for a school a couple hours away...so she wants to get some dorm and stay there to come home once a week. I already said no way in hell.

-Entitlement-She has a terrrible sense of entitlement....it's always "I deserve" despite the fact we are just coming out of some hard financial times and only my good sense kept us from going belly up during them. Thats my responsibilty is it not? Roof over our heads and food on the table? But it's more important what people think if her car isn't new and shiny. Then if I actually agree and say "ok lets get it", we don't because she says it's too expensive.

-She interupts constantly. I'll be talking to her and she'll cut me off and change the subject. We're driving and she is a total backseat driver.." pass this *******", "cut over there", " turn this way it's faster"...when I know if I stay in this lane and at this speed all the lights turn green and we can just roll thru.

-She'll blow up on me, call me names and say alot of bad things, then later say she didn't say that.

The strange part, it's far worse when her mother is here. She comes to stay with us for around 4 months a year from back east. The house must be perfect...nevermind we haven't had a decent vacation in years. It's constant criticism towards me about one thing or another, and then she'll skip back to the "competition" thing again-see above. Then after I've had all that crap rammed into my brain it's "I'm tired of your sour face", "you should go to the doctor for an anti-depressant".
I don't actually mind her mother, but can't stand my wife when her mother is here. It's like full time PMS.
I can't take much more, the fact we have a 2yo daughter is the only reason I'm not long gone.

I'm not perfect by any means and have no problem admitting it. I'm fairly quiet and easy-going, could stand to lose 20#'s but don't know how with my back condition...exercise just makes it hurt more and then I can't sleep. I can be picky about food in some off ways...like I may have a craving for a fast food chicken sandwhich and turn my nose up and some high end seafood.
I have to dress professional for work, but never felt better in cut-off sweat pants, an old t-shirt, and flip flops. Think about Weezer's "pork and beans" song to put it in perspective.
I will seldom throw out praise or comment, but when I do I really mean it and the person has earned it.

Your .02 ?


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

*"I'm fairly quiet and easy-going, could stand to lose 20#'s "*
That's the problem right there. Your a "nice guy". She does not respect you. I don't know if she is narcissistic or not - but what you describe is the same as a lot of other men describe with there wifes. You have allowed her to get away with sub par behavior therefore you continue to recieve sub par behavior. 

I bet your sex life is almost non-existant as well.

Theres lots of info here on credible steps to take to start turning this around. Another good source is Married Man Sex Life

And even if sex is not your personal issue - it's all tied together. Build the respect and attraction and the behaviour will start to change as well.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

My foot came down hard yesterday. Not gonna take it.
If I cheated, drank, did drugs or never kept promises I could see the way I'm being treated being justified, but I do none of the above.
A letter has been written to the MIL, I feel she needs to be filled in and I am a better writer than talker. At this point she's better to talk to and to be around than my wife anyway. Maybe she can snap my wife back into line because she doesn't listen to me.

Usually things are decent, she has average needs I would say. But about a week before the MIL was due in, it died.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Doesn't sound like a narcissist to me. She sounds driven, expecting a lot from herself as well as from others. I've known only a couple of people I thought seriously had NPD. They gave next to no effort at work but expended far greater effort to avoid work while demanding unreasonable rewards, their education was more about skating and cheating than actually studying, too. I think people who educate themselves and work hard naturally expect some pay-off. One particular NPD I have in mind had incredible and chronic credit card debts. Don't know if that's a common feature for NPD but that would make sense to me.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

She does expect alot...too much. In this economy myself and my family(my parents) are keeping things together but really scrambling to do it and have little time and energy left to offer much more. I've witnessed a "distancing" of our relatives and friends because of her level of "drive". She's at odds with my mother(we all are actually) because the church she secretaries for totally takes advantage of her. Some member is getting married...another one dies...she has to plan all the ceremonies and get everything put together. We call ouselves ____'s second family after the church


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Uptown is a great source of info on this hopefully he will comment on this post.

From my experience NPD people's thought process is something like this:

My feelings > Your feelings
Your feelings < My feelings
My needs > Your needs

When this "balance" of an NPD's is upset in the slightest you can almost see a panic in their eyes trying to reestablish this "balance".

This is why NPD's are usually emotional abusers (sometimes physical) and control freaks. Its all an attempt to quell the mental anguish they have internally. I would feel sorry for them if I never had the unfortunate experience of being married to one.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Do you remember in Star Trek when Spock uttered the phrase "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few"? 

NPD's mental process have a very hard time understanding this other than its literal meaning.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Sanity said:


> Uptown is a great source of info on this hopefully he will comment on this post.


Sanity, thanks for the kind words. I'm afraid, however, that this one has me stumped.

BadCompany, I read your lengthy thread that was posted last year. It contains a wonderful amount of detail about the way your W has been abusing you for at least two years -- perhaps going on three years now. The way that thread ended, in August, was that you had discovered a bottle of pills on which she had earlier become dependent -- pills that were having the side effect of making her cruel and awful to everyone. Turnera's advice was for you to check with the doctor prescribing those pills to get them stopped. You said you would. How did that turn out? Did your W stop taking those addictive pain pills? Do you believe she is still hooked on them?

As to your notion that your W has a personality disorder like Narcissistic PD, I note that PD's originate in early childhood. Although the PD traits usually are masked during a six month honeymoon period, the red flags would quickly be apparent. I mention this because you've been married 8 years and likely knew your W very well for 9 years. Yet, you describe her verbal abuse and constant disrespecting of you as starting about two or three years ago. If that is so, I don't see how it could be due to a PD.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I left the pills there to see if she was taking them and she wasn't, still the same quantity after several weeks. We finally went thru everything and threw out all the outdated ones and I haven't seen anything out of the ordinary since then....just since the MIL has returned so has the nasty attitude.
Saturday was yet another day of torture. She recieved a call from the school that the program she wants to take is wait-listed thru the fall of 2012. Then the blaming and screaming ensued again..blaming me....etc....etc....getting tired of it. Then yesterday she's all nice and no issues...now today messaging me in all caps pissed off about the file cabinet being "disorderly" and all paranoid about my separate bank account...after I busted my butt working on the house all weekend. I have the 2nd acct. left over from a business and have been transferring the auto-pays out of it so I can close it, but still have some checks left and one more auto-pay to change over(you know how much of a hassle that can be) so it's the only reason I haven't closed it. Of course I'm money hoarding and not trusted because of this acct.
As for the abuse, it began with the birth of our daughter, and finally went away nearly 20 months later(after her first period since the childbirth), and now resurfaces when her mother comes to see us.
It's like jeapordy with "nice" "paranoid" and "rage" on the wheel...take and spin and see what you get. I don't know what to think.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

We had another pretty bad fight last night, I came home from work and instantly I start getting flak about a shirt and pants left on the floor next to the dresser, some papers on the desk....stuff that shouldn't be a big deal but she says "it all ads up". I've been doing some fairly dirty housework which isn't complete yet, and I didn't want to put the clothes in the wash yet, nor did I want to put them back in the closet with the clean ones. Papers just pile up on the desk and I don't like taking time every day to file each bill/statement etc etc, instead let it build up for a week or so and then file them all at once. It is more efficeint with the lack of time I have and that's why I do it.
I wonder if something hormonal is going on, I really don't understand. Since childbirth she only has a period once every 2-3 months, and seems to have twice monthly fits of rage and irritability. During these times I'm roasted for whatever is lacking, however minor it may be. If I finish a project, it's merely crossed off the "***** list" without any praise or respect. If I say "I'm tired, I've been working all week and then working on this all the evenings", it's met with the "you're not a man" poke again. 
Theres been times when I work on a task all week and complete it, to come home from work the next day and get lit up about something else that's not done when I haven't even had a single free minute to get into it yet. ????
Theres a lot of name calling and gas-lighting that goes on. "I didn't say that", "I didn't call you that", when she sure did. This "all adds up" in my head and is making it that much harder to cope with life.
It's gotten to the point where I am relieved that when I get home she'll have gone to work, like tonight. How messed up is that?


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## Lorraine M (Apr 26, 2011)

Have a smart phone? Download a tape to talk type app and start recording. I'm guessing hormonal, unhappiness, mid life crisis type thing...NPD just doesn't seem to fit, my mother has it, diagnosed and maybe this is a form but it doesn't fit the description. Perhaps she is taking pills and just didn't fall for the obvious bottle, she would be hiding it, right? Perhaps your comment about compliments being sparse and well deserved are coming back to bite you. As a woman, I need, want, long for those compliments, not just when husband is ready and I'm "deserving". When was the last time you gave her kudos for her education, job, work around the house? When have you shopped with her to help organize the house, i.e. if the bills bother her, perhaps you could go shopping for some things, like a hamper which matches your room for those in between work clothes or a basket to put papers until they are ready to be filed. 

When was the last time you talked to her about your bank accounts and what your plans are. I didn't read your post from a year ago and I have enough on my plate from my husband's diagnosed mental illness but, I don't see/read/feel anything from your thread, and please forgive me if I missed something important besides the drug addiction, except frustration and *****iness and seeing her life slip away, possibly depression. Women tend to get that way when their needs aren't being fulfilled. I did, but didn't know I was dealing with a husband with severe anxiety and depression ...your wife sounds fundamentally unhappy to me. I know she's barking about how nice other's have it and you comment on the debt. Do you do that often? Do you control expenditures and brag about how you and you alone pulled you guys through a tough financial time? Women are different from men. Maybe she feels, whether it's right or wrong, she's sacrificed too, and is tired of constant work around the house, never just getting something done, maybe she does need to buy something shiny and new to make her feel a little better, retail therapy, and maybe she gets *****y around her mother because there is something you are missing. 1 her mother seems to relate to you ok, so maybe there has been and still are issues with her and her mother and she knows it's almost a gang up on/against her when MIL is at your house. 

Look, no one is qualified based on a post thread to give really good advice but you sound very much like my husband, very self fulfilled and proud of the job you are doing but where is your wife in this. If your dirty clothes on the floor bother her but to you it's no big deal, well it is a big deal to her and you should respect that. She has one child and her husband should not be the second one. One thing therapy has taught me and my husband is working on is to come from the school of yes, if you want the marriage to work, then yes, on the little things you can. When have you last gone out, as a couple? When did you last tell her she was pretty? When was the last time you said, "I can see where those dirty clothes would bother you, this is why I did it and what would you prefer I do". Call me a woman, but I don't see you as the nice guy getting run over here, I see you as the guy who wants to think of himself as the nice guy and I see her *****y, frustrated and unsatisfied, and the stress of MIL visiting sends her over the edge as does the probable assistance to your parents who didn't plan well. She's thinking cripes, how many will I have to be responsible for and what am I getting out of this marriage. Seriously, if she were happy do you think she would want to live in a dorm? That was a cry for a separation and you need counseling ASAP.


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## Lorraine M (Apr 26, 2011)

badcompany said:


> My foot came down hard yesterday. Not gonna take it.
> If I cheated, drank, did drugs or never kept promises I could see the way I'm being treated being justified, but I do none of the above.
> A letter has been written to the MIL, I feel she needs to be filled in and I am a better writer than talker. At this point she's better to talk to and to be around than my wife anyway. Maybe she can snap my wife back into line because she doesn't listen to me.
> 
> Usually things are decent, she has average needs I would say. But about a week before the MIL was due in, it died.


 Snap back into line? Are you talking about an equal in your marriage or an employee? Are you inline talking about your wife this way?


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Lorraine, addressing your ?'s in the last paragraph.
Yes we've had the talk several times regarding the clothes. Sometimes it's the fact that they are dirty and I am doing more of the same the next day, other times my back is "biting" me so bad I'm not bending over for anything so they get the "foot fling" into the corner and down goes a muscle relaxer for some sleep.
I've offered to take her out for dinner or for a weekend somewhere and she refuses. 
I do comment, but with her working weekend nights and me working the M-F 8-5 I don't actually see her a whole lot.
Sunday was another notable day of nastyness I'd like to mention. 
If you've read my other posts, you see we have a boat. It's older and is alot of work, but is now reliable. With most places being $90/hr for service I do all it all myself, otherwise we couldn't afford it.
My wife and MIL love crab, so crab season opened up and I planned for all of us to go on sunday. That meant saturday was a full day of loading gear, prepping the traps, thawing bait, attaching the spare motor, and I also did a bunch of wiring so the little fridge would work. 
Now one thing I need to make clear, I don't like crab. They are fairly easy to catch and my wife and MIL love them and I like being on the boat and being able to provide them their yummy feast so that's why I do it.
Anyway the whole day I was just a verbal punching bag about one thing or another. Wind was kicking us around pretty good and tossing the boat side to side, so I get flak because I'm not smiling.
My daughter was up in the captains seat and of course if I got more than 2 feet away I got hell for "not watching" her despite the windows being only open slightly...no where for her to go.
Then back at the dock my MIL wanted to take a picture of all of us next to the boat, and my wife shoves me out of the pic saying "your shirt is dirty you look like a pig". Guess that's my thanks for pulling three strings of 4 crab traps and getting my black tank top a little dirty.
After that, we're back home by ~8pm, and now I'm "fat" and shouldn't be allowed any dinner after not eating more than a couple pieces of cheese and some lemonade the whole afternoon.
I fought that one pretty hard, and ended up putting some leftover chicken breast in a small sandwhich and then crashed about 9pm.
Up at 6:30am monday and off to work, run errands on lunchtime to the bank and to get deck paint samples, then after work I'm off to the hardware store for more paint samples and some brochures on that stone facade stuff she wants me to put on the front of the house and garage. I have a 45 minute drive so this puts me home about 7pm. 
I am served some leftover soup and then everyones off for a walk leaving me alone to eat. I'm curious whats involved in the masonry work for this stone facade so I get on the computer and look up the how-to's for about 45 mins. By then it's 8:30 and threatening to rain, so I scratch starting any work outside and turn on the TV to see if I can catch any news regarding the debt ceiling. It's not 10 minutes later they return and of course I've been sitting at the TV the whole time being lazy-according to my wife. 
Pretty fed up by this point and tired. I go to bed.
The next day is more of the same zoo, go to work, pick up paint during lunch, wife messages me saying grandparents are coming so get pizza...and also stop and get a little bicycle she found on craigslist for our daughter....
I tear thru all this and get home about 6pm, cook pizzas, and basically enjoy the only time I ever get any rest without walking on eggshells because we have family over.
I go to bed about 9:30 and she comes to bed around 1am, and sits there flicking her nails and sighing ready pick a fight, then starts in with the "nothing is getting done, you work too slow" routine. Then kicks into the "you don't supply enough(income), I shouldn't have to work" routine.
Keep in mind in the last 6 weeks, aside from working a full time job with ~1:20 minutes driving each day....I've finished installing, plumbing, and wiring the hot tub, been putting my car back together, gathering, cutting, and stacking firewood for winter, mowing the lawn, cleaning up the back yard bit by bit, and doing all the preparations for 3-outings of crabbing on the boat. 
When I mention hiring out some of the yardwork to ease my workload and speed things up getting done, I'm just being lazy. 
I've removed myself from the situation, mentally at this point. She starts in and I shut my ears or walk away. 
We both have vacation scheduled in august, and I'm seeing already we're going to be doing something to "keep up with the Jones's" instead of getting out of here and getting some R&R, and I'll probably return to work more tired and sore than I left. I can't wait.


Edit: She refused to see a counselor together, instead making a snide remark "you go ahead".


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## grendelsmom (Aug 1, 2011)

She hates herself, so she beats up on you verbally to make herself feel better. Her mother probably treated her the same way, and that's likely why she's worse when her mother's around. Just because the MIL doesn't act that way when you're around doesn't mean that dynamic isn't there under the surface. It sounds like she may have problems with PMDD. At the very least she needs to discuss the lack of periods with a gyno. if she hasn't. But, in addition to that, it sounds like she is also a selfish, spoiled little brat. Not everything has to be a certified medical disorder. Some things just are what they are. If you want to stay with a person like that, you have got to stop enabling the spoiled behavior ASAP. This entitlement attitude has got to go. Who the hell does she think she is? The Princess and the Pea? Adopt a zero tolerance policy and stick to it. Once you convince her you're for real, and she might really lose you, I'd bet her behavior would probably change.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Just an update, we've continued to have some ups and downs. Vacation played out OK with a mix of doing some housework and some much needed R&R.
There's several things going on that have exposed themselves during vacation. She is not happy with her job...nothing new here...but she was noticably better being away from work. Again we're both stuck having to work because of her sense of "entitlement" has stuck us with a new car and expensive house.
The last week of vacation we had some issues. The weather went to hell and we ended up cancelling our plans. Trying to stretch my vacation days the best I could, I cancelled my last 2 vac days and went to work, which they appreciated because things kinda stall out when I'm not there.
She got called to come into work to cover for someone sick and got all upset when I told her to take it, like I was purposely sending her to go slave away at work when in reality I just wanted to use our vac days for when the weather is nice.
She "paints me black" often and it's getting very old. I'll be discussing something I'm unhappy about and she cuts in and forms her own conclusion, that I'm blaming her for this or that, when it's not even the direction I was going at all.
Last night was terrible, I came home from work and worked in the garage building more shelving and a closet until 10pm which I pretty much finished it up. She came out to see the work and was in sort of a manic state, talking really fast and started in with "Now I want this and that built and one of these and do this and that", and then started in with the "snails pace" comments and that I haven't done much all summer which isn't true if you read my prior posts.
I got into her at that point that she didn't understand the technicality of the projects and often wasn't here to see me do the work, and said that I was offended by her comments. She backed down and seemed to understand, but then did a 180 about and hour later and we went thru crying and bursts of anger, more suggestions we separate, the economy and state of things is all my fault, I'm the reason her life is ****, etc etc.
Anyway I think I'm seeing more signs of depression again..or still?
Mood swings
Crying
Agitation
Paranoia
Irritability
Sleeplessness

I'd almost sum it up to being similar to PMS, but almost all the time instead of a couple days a month.

I got to put her in her place regarding my separate bank account she always gives me a bad time about. Our neighbor and friend had her purse stolen from her SUV at a rest stop in a "smash and grab" while on vacation. They got the house keys, cell phone, cards, cash, everything. By the time they were able to reach a phone and report everything, their single account was emptied and credit cards already ran up. They are lucky that their parents are helping them out so they can cover their bills while they get everything all sorted out or it's possible they could have lost their car or house to the repo man. It's this reason why I try to keep our balances 50/50, so we have a backup in case this happens. 

I try to get her to go to the doctor she's again taking it as an insult and says "you go yourself". On top of that, will it even help? Or will we just have another episode of more problems from the medications like the past?
I'm a mess from all this....insecure because she's always unhappy... tired and sore from the physical work...mentally sick of the constant put downs and verbal abuse....unloved and rejected from the lack of intimacy.
She doesn't get it that if I leave, she can't imagine the hell that will ensue if she thinks it's "so bad" now. We'll lose the house and everything we've tortured ourselves getting to where we are.
Minus my wife and daughter, I will be in a position to take another job offer with a significant pay hike but at a loss of the family benefits of my current job. I hate to do it but if it comes to the point I'm shown the door or pushed out thru it, it's all about me then.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Look, I say this with a pretty deep understanding of mental illness, I've been diagnosed with bipolar 2 for most of my adult life. But it boils down to this: it doesn't matter if your wife is sick, crazy or just plain mean if she isn't willing to do anything about it. 

It's one thing to stick it out while someone is actively trying to find the right meds, work their therapy or change their behavior patterns. It's another thing completely to let yourself be knocked down your whole life while you look for a diagnosis or something in her personal history as reasons to justify it. One is a loving, supportive and _temporary_ thing to do (hopefully) and the other is crazymaking for yourself.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

BadCompany, I agree with Gypsy that your W should be held accountable for her behavior and not be allowed to act like a spoiled child and get away with it. That is, if she is unwilling to get help for her issues, you are not responsible for them and you cannot fix her. As I said this past June in my post above, it is virtually certain that your W does not have a PD if her atrocious behavior started only three years ago. 

Are you still saying that you never saw such verbal abuse, frequent blaming, and sense of entitlement during the first 5 or 6 years that you lived with her? I ask because the behavior you describe -- controlling, inappropriate anger, verbal abuse, always being "the victim," temper tantrums, and flipping back and forth every two weeks from loving you to devaluing you -- are some of the classic traits of BPD. 

If you would like to read an overview of typical BPDer traits, I suggest you check out my several posts in Berilo's thread. They start at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/29373-distressed-3.html#post391827. I believe you will find that the behavior of Berilo's W is very similar to your W's abusive behavior. I caution, however, that your W almost certainly is not suffering from strong BPD traits if they were absent for several years. Such traits are persistent and, except for the courtship period, do not totally disappear. The sudden appearance of such traits can be caused, however, by hormone changes or (very rarely) by brain damage. Take care, BadCompany.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

That's scary, I see alot of similar traits in Barila's posts, although it looks like his W was worse. The only part I don't see is the EA, maybe I need to dig a little deeper on that one as it seems to be part of the package most end up seeing here.
Last night we got into it again. The 2 week flip flop seems to be about par. 
Uptown, yes that's correct about the first few years. I now feel I was assimilated, like she didn't like who I was to begin with, and as time passes her constrictor of control squeezes tighter and tighter trying to make me something I am not. 
We had dinner which was giving all of us a bit of gas, and my W let rip in the kitchen with everyone right there and I gave her a little flak for it, more jokingly than anything else. We don't get offended at each other for passing gas generally, it happens.
A little later she is outside digging a little round flower bed to plant some bushes in, and not doing a very good job(not round), she's kinda picking at it, and it's getting dark and cold. I offer to help, bring out some edging, dig the hole round and clean it up, and am shoveling the dirt back in when I pass a some gas. We're outside and while we are in a fairly compact neighborhood(1/5th acre lots) no one else is outside or nearby so I see no harm. I get hell for it so I say "at least no one is around out here and I didn't rip in the kitchen". And then she blew up on me from there, and back to the big verbal assault with "all the things that make me so bad" checklist of trivial dirt from the past recited again. Then added that I ruined her evening because I wanted to "bust out" this flower bed thing and get it done. It amazes me that a man is expected to take all this criticizm, worry about an unstable job in a worsening economy, deal with a constantly unhappy and never pleased wife, family which doesn't help out,(the combo of all this BS has me battling depression) and I'm supposed to put a big fake grin on because she's tired of looking at my sour face..which is due to her bi-daily reminding about how unhappy she is, how it's my fault, and how "bad" I am. Seriously I would only expect the level of flak I get if I was cheating.
I'm going to tough it out until MIL goes home, then if things continue as is I'm going to start planning an exit. I can't take much more.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I think I would have paid for a couple of semesters of her schooling and let her move into the dorm.

You could`ve lucked out and she might`ve run off with an OM from her class.

At the very least you`d get 5-6 days of peace per week.

If I did half the stuff you do around the house my wife would make me stop for fear I`d lost my mind.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Phone records are clean. 
I'm not that great with computers but both of our laptops get hot and shut down if we use them too long so we aren't on them much.
She got an interview and another job offer and seems to have come around, but we'll need to see how it goes and if the every-two-weeks senseless hissy fit comes back again.
I tore something in my left shoulder so I am taking it easy for a couple weeks.


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## 6foot5 (Jun 15, 2011)

badcompany,
Your story sounds almost identical to mine , I wrote somwhere in my earlier posts and described my ex's behaviour as controlling and obsessive freak ,since then I have read several articles on Narcissist symptoms and even though Iam not a doctor I am 100% sure thats what my ex is . I went through 6 years of enduring that BS and near the end of our relationship I started pushing back , I started speaking my mind , I started doing things my way , I would even leave the house without telling her in detail where I was going (before it was unthikable ), from that point on I could see how she changed , she was nervous , anxious and seemed out of control . When narcissist starts loosing control over the other person they will desperately start looking for other ways to show that they are still in control , in my case she moved out at the end of July of this year . It's been over 2 months since the separation started and still she is trying to control me via text demanding that I do this or that using my son (he is with her) as a shield because she knows how much I love him . 

Uptown wrote
"Although the PD traits usually are masked during a six month honeymoon period, the red flags would quickly be apparent."

That is a perfect description of my early days in my marriage, its just that I didnt see it that way back then , I thought because she loved me so much she was acting so controlling and obsessive 
in fear of loosing me ( I had no intentions of leaving her it didnt even cross my mind back then) . In the end just maybe I am the lucky one in this mess and dont have go through life feeling like I will never be good enough for her ?
Please dont get me wrong , Iam still a mess because of the divorce , being separated from my son , lost everything I have worked so hard for , it just that some things are becoming more clear to me and this is one of them .

My advice to you if I may , get out and get out now or this is never gonna end


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