# Who leaves the bed?



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

When one of you have a hard time sleeping and is keeping the other up, who goes to the couch or spare room or what?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Cherry said:


> When one of you have a hard time sleeping and is keeping the other up, who goes to the couch or spare room or what?


The person who can't sleep. The bedroom is for sleeping, so if one can't sleep, they go elsewhere.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

That's what I thought too... Didn't know if men in general didn't give a **** about their wives sleep or just the one I'm married to. Gawd this is getting old.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I agree with TallAverageGuy, but since it's usually me that's up at night with poor sleep, night sweats, migraines and such it usually ends up being me that gets up and goes to the spare bedroom so that I don't disturb him with my tossing and turning. My H sleeps like the dead and seems to have few issues, unlike me. 

Are you saying that if your H is having problems sleeping, he won't get up and go to the spare room? Does he wake you up and expect you to stay up with him? One of my BIL is like that - if he can't sleep, he wants my SIL to be awake too. I think that is awful - and I'd be putting my foot down on that and insisting that we could have separate rooms then - that might do the trick.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Enchantment said:


> Are you saying that if your H is having problems sleeping, he won't get up and go to the spare room? Does he wake you up and expect you to stay up with him? One of my BIL is like that - if he can't sleep, he wants my SIL to be awake too. I think that is awful - and I'd be putting my foot down on that and insisting that we could have separate rooms then - that might do the trick.


He has gone to the couch before, but at 2 this morning, he must've had his panties in a wad. I went to the couch instead. 

He doesn't expect me to stay up with him, that'd would be awful  

I don't know, sometimes I think he's just a selfish jerk who can't afford to leave me, so he's making my life freaking miserable. 

He said after the whole sleep thing, "If my wife would let me get the cough medicine I wanted, this wouldn't be an issue"... Bullsh!t. He had $100 cash this weekend from a side job and went and bought his own damn cough medicine, I wasn't there telling him what the he!! to get! 

The blame game is getting freaking old. Period.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> The person who can't sleep. The bedroom is for sleeping, so if one can't sleep, they go elsewhere.


This is the way it works at my house. Both of us. The one who can't sleep leaves. Sucks at times yes but it's the right thing to do. Sucks as in when you are sick it would be nice to have the bed but no I will go to the couch if I can't stop coughing.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> This is the way it works at my house. Both of us. The one who can't sleep leaves. Sucks at times yes but it's the right thing to do. Sucks as in when you are sick it would be nice to have the bed but no I will go to the couch if I can't stop coughing.


Generally, if either of us can't sleep because we are sick, it is due to congestion and coughing from a cold or flu. In those situations, we go downstairs to sleep in a recliner (helps us both).

Our thought is that one of us should be rested if possible, so why send the person who is sleeping into a strange bed or the couch so that they get worse sleep.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Our thought is that one of us should be rested if possible, so why send the person who is sleeping into a strange bed or the couch so that they get worse sleep.


This is our belief as well. Obviously if I'm sick I'm already not sleeping well but if he left and gave me the bed now both of us are exhausted so how is that helpful?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I cannot remember a time when either of us ever left the bed for any reason actually. I sometimes have trouble sleeping, but I just read and it doesn't bother him. If he has ever tossed and turned it hasn't bothered me either. We've been sleeping together for about 15 years.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Cherry said:


> That's what I thought too... Didn't know if men in general didn't give a **** about their wives sleep or just the one I'm married to. Gawd this is getting old.


wow :\


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Hope1964 said:


> I cannot remember a time when either of us ever left the bed for any reason actually. I sometimes have trouble sleeping, but I just read and it doesn't bother him. If he has ever tossed and turned it hasn't bothered me either. We've been sleeping together for about 15 years.


Going to bed is different, if one of us can't sleep, that person just watches the TV or plays on their phone, no problem. It's the 2 am thing that gets to me. It's far and few between that this happens, but it does. And today is the day I'm signing off on the bankruptcy, didn't set the morning up right for me. 

I don't know, I know I can be difficult to live with, but it's these little things that just remind me of how selfish he can be. My own damn fault I suppose. Just a crappy morning and it's raining.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Cherry said:


> Going to bed is different, if one of us can't sleep, that person just watches the TV or plays on their phone, no problem. It's the 2 am thing that gets to me. It's far and few between that this happens, but it does. And today is the day I'm signing off on the bankruptcy, didn't set the morning up right for me.
> 
> I don't know, I know I can be difficult to live with, but it's these little things that just remind me of how selfish he can be. My own damn fault I suppose. Just a crappy morning and it's raining.


I actually meant that I wake up at 2 or 3 or 4 am and read after having slept for a couple of hours. Sometimes I wake him up for some action, sometimes even that doesn't wake him up. He complained once about my reading light so now I point it away from him and put a pillow up to block it and he doesn't even know I'm awake. If it really bothered him, I would either lay there with the light off or get up and go do something else.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Cherry said:


> When one of you have a hard time sleeping and is keeping the other up, who goes to the couch or spare room or what?


 It seems like common courtesy that if I am tossing or turning and can't sleep and I am disturbing Mr. T's sleep I get up and move to the couch. The only problem with that is that it disturbs him more for me not to be in bed next to him than it does for me to be restless. Numerous times I've gone to the couch to let him sleep only to have him get up and bring me back to bed "so he can sleep". Now when I am having trouble sleeping I grab my book and read for a bit...he claims it doesn't bother him at all having a light on. Go figure?:scratchhead:


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I do mostly. I have a spinal injury in my neck, so I must get up every hour or two and change positions. I start out in bed, but I end up on the couch every night. I have a comforter set up with my iPhone/iPod touch charger. My husband has trouble sleeping with his back and will often change beds. We normally do not sleep in the same bed due to my health issues.

This does not interfere with our sex life though. We work around that and usually save that time for the evening when the kids are busy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Hope1964 said:


> I actually meant that I wake up at 2 or 3 or 4 am and read after having slept for a couple of hours. Sometimes I wake him up for some action, sometimes even that doesn't wake him up. He complained once about my reading light so now I point it away from him and put a pillow up to block it and he doesn't even know I'm awake. If it really bothered him, I would either lay there with the light off or get up and go do something else.


Got it. I don't know, I just really felt jaded about the whole thing this morning. I'm tired as crap, feel like I'm hungover  I wouldn't have minded if he just couldn't sleep, but he was hacking and getting up and down going to the bathroom. I just wanted to sleep. But I ended up not falling back to sleep at all because by the time I got the couch I was so mad I just laid there for 3 hours.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Cherry said:


> Got it. I don't know, I just really felt jaded about the whole thing this morning. I'm tired as crap, feel like I'm hungover  I wouldn't have minded if he just couldn't sleep, but he was hacking and getting up and down going to the bathroom. I just wanted to sleep. But I ended up not falling back to sleep at all because by the time I got the couch I was so mad I just laid there for 3 hours.


That sucks  But I have a feeling if my hubby was sick, he wouldn't go sleep somewhere else because he'd be secretly hoping I would wake fully up and baby him. You know, the whole 'man cold' thing where they turn into huge babies.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Hope1964 said:


> That sucks  But I have a feeling if my hubby was sick, he wouldn't go sleep somewhere else because he'd be secretly hoping I would wake fully up and baby him. You know, the whole 'man cold' thing where they turn into huge babies.


Thank you, I needed a good laugh!!!! So yeah, that makes sense. Guess I was too tired to catch on at 2 am


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## Dayhiker (Mar 5, 2011)

I do, always.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Mrs. T said:


> It seems like common courtesy that if I am tossing or turning and can't sleep and I am disturbing Mr. T's sleep I get up and move to the couch. The only problem with that is that it disturbs him more for me not to be in bed next to him than it does for me to be restless. Numerous times I've gone to the couch to let him sleep only to have him get up and bring me back to bed "so he can sleep". Now when I am having trouble sleeping I grab my book and read for a bit...he claims it doesn't bother him at all having a light on. Go figure?:scratchhead:


LOL!!! Tooo funny! I guess I'm the big jerk in the bedtime department!! With my ms I am almost ALWAYS waking up around 2 am for one reason or another ( lately however, I've been able stay asleep...I know H is crossing his fingers and hoping it stays that way), and staying up until 3:30...What makes it worse, I need the tv to fall back to sleep. I do use headphones so the noise won't bother H...but he CAN'T STAND the light!!! I do have to say that H will sometimes get up first, usually to go to the bathroom... and since I'm such a light sleeper ....I'm up right after him...again not going back to sleep and turning the tv back on...H does go right back to sleep though.

I am also like Mr. T!!! Can't sleep in the bed alone. Even when H is away on business, I might doze off for a half an hour once every 3 hours. IDK it might be the sound of him breathing beside me, or just the comfort of knowing he's there. But I can't sleep without him there.

So I guess with the two combined I am the biggest jerk!


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Cherry said:


> Got it. I don't know, I just really felt jaded about the whole thing this morning. I'm tired as crap, feel like I'm hungover  I wouldn't have minded if he just couldn't sleep, but he was hacking and getting up and down going to the bathroom. I just wanted to sleep. But I ended up not falling back to sleep at all because by the time I got the couch I was so mad I just laid there for 3 hours.


Awe I can see how that would be a pain in the butt. Especially if you guys have a creaky bed like us!!! When I wake up I try to be still...Unless h is up and frisky.


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## Noel1987 (Jan 2, 2012)

Lots of places even in store room you can get a sound sleep.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Oh Cherry.. you do have a lot on your plate right now and doesn't it all seem more overwhelming when your sleep deprived!

At our house I'm the one who can't sleep usually...so i get and leave my sleeping H in peace.
I get up and read or just potter around the house.

My H snores quite loud and often keeps me a awake. Sometimes when I give him too much of a vigourous nudge he wakes up realising he was snoring and goes and sleeps on the sofa... usually resulting in me lying in bed, awake, feeling guilty cause he's on the sofa.
He's fast asleep meanwhile and not so concerned.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

2sick said:


> LOL!!! Tooo funny! I guess I'm the big jerk in the bedtime department!! With my ms I am almost ALWAYS waking up around 2 am for one reason or another ( lately however, I've been able stay asleep...I know H is crossing his fingers and hoping it stays that way), and staying up until 3:30...What makes it worse, I need the tv to fall back to sleep. I do use headphones so the noise won't bother H...but he CAN'T STAND the light!!! I do have to say that H will sometimes get up first, usually to go to the bathroom... and since I'm such a light sleeper ....I'm up right after him...again not going back to sleep and turning the tv back on...H does go right back to sleep though.
> 
> I am also like Mr. T!!! Can't sleep in the bed alone. Even when H is away on business, I might doze off for a half an hour once every 3 hours. IDK it might be the sound of him breathing beside me, or just the comfort of knowing he's there. But I can't sleep without him there.
> 
> So I guess with the two combined I am the biggest jerk!


 No...not a jerk! I actually think it's kind of sweet that he can't sleep good if I'm not next to him. It should make your husband happy to know you miss the comfort of him next to you when he's not there...


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Mrs. T said:


> No...not a jerk! I actually think it's kind of sweet that he can't sleep good if I'm not next to him. It should make your husband happy to know you miss the comfort of him next to you when he's not there...


LOL yeah as long as I don't turn the tv back on!!!:smthumbup:


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Cherry said:


> Got it. I don't know, I just really felt jaded about the whole thing this morning. I'm tired as crap, feel like I'm hungover  I wouldn't have minded if he just couldn't sleep, but he was hacking and getting up and down going to the bathroom. I just wanted to sleep. But I ended up not falling back to sleep at all because by the time I got the couch I was so mad I just laid there for 3 hours.


I'm sorry to hear that 

I was sick last night, just wasn't in a good way, and it was only 3am so I got up for the couch. The stupid thing I realized when reading this thread is we have a guest bed. We have never slept in the guest room. Ever. We will take to the couch. I think it's as though we think going to the guest room is sleeping apart - whereas the couch is just crashing because one of us is sick. Weird. :scratchhead:


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Hope1964 said:


> That sucks  But I have a feeling if my hubby was sick, he wouldn't go sleep somewhere else because he'd be secretly hoping I would wake fully up and baby him. You know, the whole 'man cold' thing where they turn into huge babies.


BTW - This ended up being it. We talked about it last night and he admits that he wanted attention and the "poor baby" thing at 2 or 3 am. Ugh, we've been getting up enough throughout the night for the past 3 years for our 3 year twins!!!!!!!! I guess I could've been more sympathetic.... I just don't think I have it in me sometimes with everything we've been through. I still hold some resentments to some of our situations over the years, that is wrong of me but I think the bankruptcy has brought the past several years back in the forefront. Everything will be okay, I know it will. 

Happy to report he slept through the night, I didn't again, this time it was my little girl at 2 am.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

2sick said:


> LOL!!! Tooo funny! I guess I'm the big jerk in the bedtime department!! With my ms I am almost ALWAYS waking up around 2 am for one reason or another ( lately however, I've been able stay asleep...I know H is crossing his fingers and hoping it stays that way), and staying up until 3:30...What makes it worse, I need the tv to fall back to sleep. I do use headphones so the noise won't bother H...but he CAN'T STAND the light!!! I do have to say that H will sometimes get up first, usually to go to the bathroom... and since I'm such a light sleeper ....I'm up right after him...again not going back to sleep and turning the tv back on...H does go right back to sleep though.
> 
> I am also like Mr. T!!! Can't sleep in the bed alone. Even when H is away on business, I might doze off for a half an hour once every 3 hours. IDK it might be the sound of him breathing beside me, or just the comfort of knowing he's there. But I can't sleep without him there.
> 
> So I guess with the two combined I am the biggest jerk!


Invest in ear plugs and a sleep mask. They really help, especially if a spouse is snoring or sick with coughing and congestion.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Cherry said:


> BTW - This ended up being it. We talked about it last night and he admits that he wanted attention and the "poor baby" thing at 2 or 3 am. Ugh, we've been getting up enough throughout the night for the past 3 years for our 3 year twins!!!!!!!! I guess I could've been more sympathetic.... I just don't think I have it in me sometimes with everything we've been through. I still hold some resentments to some of our situations over the years, that is wrong of me but I think the bankruptcy has brought the past several years back in the forefront. Everything will be okay, I know it will.
> 
> Happy to report he slept through the night, I didn't again, this time it was my little girl at 2 am.


lol!! Glad one of you was able to sleep through the night!:smthumbup: Sorry it wasn't you!!! Hang in there and as long as you know everything is going to be ok...IT WILL BE!!! Hope tonight YOU will be able to sleep through the night...or at least have a little company to keep ya going!!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

2sick said:


> ...or at least have a little company to keep ya going!!


 youre soo bad.


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