# Regarding my future ex-wife



## Crane (Jun 4, 2012)

She acquired a new boyfriend no less than 24 hours after we separated. Yes, I wasn't born yesterday. I'm aware that something was probably going on before the separation.

I was heartbroken for about three days. But as I came to my senses I felt increasingly releived to have been released from what was, honestly, a toxic marriage. She has serious temper issues. My oldest friends stopped coming around a few years ago because they didn't want to listen to her anymore.

The b*tch calls me daily. Hitting me up for extra time with the kids (i.e. free babysitting.) Talking about financial problems. Getting snide about members of my family.

"You know that if you piss me off, I'll f*cking destroy you, right?" She's fond of saying.

I was married ten years. It's been about a month since we separated - she filed the divorce a couple of days after the separation.

Does this go away somehow? Is there some legal third party I can use to exchange the kids? If I could never speak to her or see her face again that would be great.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Do the kid exchanges at a police station. Do you have an attorney representing you? Make sure to protect yourself financially before you or your credit gets ruined.

Also keep a voice recorder on yourself when you are with her in person, plus record each and every call she makes. Or just ignore her calls and let her leave a voicemail or send text/email.


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## Crane (Jun 4, 2012)

keko said:


> Also keep a voice recorder on yourself when you are with her in person, plus record each and every call she makes. Or just ignore her call and let her leave a voicemail or send text/email.


A tape recorder. Why the hell didn't I think of that? Thanks! :smthumbup:


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Which state are you from? 

In some states you have to mention "this call is being recorded" if you want to go after her through legal means.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

What was her childhood like?


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Oh yeah, she's been looking forwards to screwing around guilt free for a while from the sounds of it. And now she's just trying to get you to fight with her to ease her own guilt. Just give her the stupid divorce and ignore her until she decides to calm down. She won't fight with you if you don't give attention. If that sound like parenting advice it's because it is, even grown people can still be such babies.

And she should calm down some time between now and a few months after divorce. From what I see it's more than likely she's hurting too and just trying to mask her grief with anger using you to justify her feelings for quitting and cheating. Let her sit in the naughty corner a bit to think about why you aren't wanting to talk to her when she's acting childish.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Crane said:


> A tape recorder. Why the hell didn't I think of that? Thanks! :smthumbup:


Use a voice activated recorder (VAR) when you see her in person. Just have it in your pocket, she does not need to know it's there.

There are cell apps that will record conversations.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Crane said:


> She acquired a new boyfriend no less than 24 hours after we separated. Yes, I wasn't born yesterday. I'm aware that something was probably going on before the separation.
> 
> I was heartbroken for about three days. But as I came to my senses I felt increasingly releived to have been released from what was, honestly, a toxic marriage. She has serious temper issues. My oldest friends stopped coming around a few years ago because they didn't want to listen to her anymore.
> 
> ...


Look at the 180 link in my signature block below. This is how you should interact with her from here on out.

Exhange the children at the local police station, libarary, some place public and safe.

All divorce talk should go through the attornies. Refuse to discuss it with her at all.

If you do not want to talk with her much tell her that she has to communicate with you via email and text. That way you have a record of everything communication between the two of you.


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## hunter411 (Jun 4, 2012)

keko said:


> Also keep a voice recorder on yourself when you are with her in person, plus record each and every call she makes. Or just ignore her calls and let her leave a voicemail or send text/email.


You have no idea how important that is. My 1st XW was a total nut. She tried to have me arrested, knowing it would cause me to lose my job. When I spoke to the detective, I simply provided a recording from my phone where she threatened to do what she did, where she explained every detail listed in the report she made. Not only did it save me, but the tables turned on her for making a false report. She never tried that BS again on me. Now for the other poor guys she has run through in the last 14 years? Two of the ten or so were arrested, charges dropped of course. I gave a heads up to the ones I knew about. She no longer has any credibility and was told she would be prosecuted the next time it happens. Just remember, with todays family violence/domestic abuse laws, a lot of times only a claim is needed for you to be arrested. The laws are justified and there for a reason, unfortunately there are some innocent people that have to go through the system if a vindictive spouse knows the rules and what to say.


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## journo123 (Jun 27, 2012)

I would absolutely go with a recorder. You can get voice-activated "bugs" that hook right up to your phone and will turn on as soon as the conversation starts. Keep a recorder with you in a pocket for in-person. Even if it doesn't have to go to court, it's an asset for dealing with law enforcement and for presenting back to your spouse. Also make sure you back it up to your computer - then burn it to a CD or back it up to an external drive. You just never know.

The laws are a little different in Canada - only one person has to know a conversation is being recorded. But documenting everything you can is the best way to protect yourself. I'm not speaking from M experience, just from work experience.


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

I wouldn't argue with her as it only brings you down and isn't worth it. The part about pawning off the kids. Children are a blessing. If she is "pawning them off" take that as a benefit that you get to spend more time with them. If I thought it was fair for my girls I would go for full custody. I don't want to spend a day without them and jump at every chance I get to have them. If my wife thanked me for taking my girls, I would tell her it's not for you trust me. It's for me. That's just me though.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

She sounds like a cheater. The bit I wanted to discuss with you is the 'babysitting'. I think that is a wrong way to think about this. These are your children! You're not babysitting, you're parenting... which is more than she is doing. I don't know what your custody arrangement is, but note every time you take the kids. It might help you if you're trying for primary custody. it can show that you spend more time with the kids than her, and that she is neglectful. Your children are innocent and only want love. Focus on the other stuff in a negative way, but not spending your time with children. Take that, and be thankful.


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