# What did you change for/let go of/etc for your H/W?



## struggle (May 13, 2013)

I had a dream last night about my cat. I don't remember ever having a dream about him before. But it was so real....when I pet him I felt his fur, when I cuddled him and laid my face against him I felt how soft he was. I had the same feelings of love for him - it was like going back in time and remembering how it felt to have a pet. I gave him up to be with H. I rescued him from the humane society and raised him from a kitten, I went through big vet bills with him when his paw got myseriously infected a couple years later, he was there for me when I woke up in the morning....he was like my baby.

I don't blame H, it was my choice. It was a choice I made because I was in love and H was allergic to cats and couldn't live with them. We were moving in together, and I made a hard decision...although at the time it seemed easier because I knew he was going to a good home and I felt like it was something I needed to do for the man I fell in love with. This morning I'm feeling regretful. Was I wrong? I feel like I made a mistake...I really REALLY loved my cat. Maybe there's something wrong with me - I've heard people say they'd never be with a guy/girl that made them get rid of their pets. I suck.....

I also had a dog at the time, but I was already in the process of finding him a proper home before I met H. My little "sheltie" mutt puppy that I rescued that was supposed to only get no bigger than 35 lbs ended up turning into a 75 lb german shephard/collie/husky mix that was wayyy more dog than I or my little apartment could handle. Too much dog for my first pet and he needed a yard too, not a crate. He needed an experienced dog owner, so smart but I didn't have the skills to teach him. I was also in the process of seperation and divorce from my 1st XH so I didn't have the time, will, or energy to train him. So I also eventually found a home for him, but I think that was the better choice for both myself and my dog.

I also was a bit of a gamer. I admit I did love to play computer games a few times a week, an occasional console game, some card games (uchre...oh yeah) and board games. H liked NONE. He thought it was weird to spend so much time playing a game....and had no interest in learning card or board games. I gave it all up. No games....how can I be at home playing a game with H looking at me all weird? So I just stopped. I never pushed him hard too play cards or board games....I would ask but you know the look you get when someone is not interested in learning/doing something.... My nerdy references also was lost on him... ::shrug::

The more I think, I wonder if I gave up too much of myself. Maybe I try to conform to the guy, instead of saying 'this is how I am...accept it or be gone'...I just want to make HIM happy. And this is why I'm now going through my second possible divorce.

Anyone else give up stuff like this for their X??


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

we tend to give up lots of things for that person, yet they never do it for us, in your case your pets, usually we end up with people that dont have the same interest as us, like games, i used be up all night playing video games then eventually gave it up

we give 100% thinking they would do the same, but we are blind to see past that

i gave up my friends, now i reconnected with them, but its something i wouldn't give up again, we need to learn that if that person doesn't like the way we are then it won't last, sad but true


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I gave up skiing for the most part. I did not have to but she didn't ski.

Moved from MA to FL which is making it tricky to start skiing again but I will.

Stretch


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I gave up my friends. The great part was even after 25 years we all picked up exactly where we left off.

They told me "We never had an argument. We thought you were happy with him so we stepped away so you wouldn't get constant grief from him. Now we're just happy to have you back"


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## LivingAgain (Jun 12, 2013)

I gave up most of my family after his 1st affair and we moved 135 miles away from hometown because I was being stalked for over a year by OW1...

I wanted to move, but not that far...only job he could get was that far away because he insisted in retiring and moving out of the city. I was so emotionally and mentally exhausted trying to recover from his affair, I allowed it 

Missed out on the first 9 years of grandson's life on a regular basis. I visit but it's not the same as being there all the time.

BUT now that I am almost divorced, I am moving back to hometown when youngest graduates next year


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