# My 18yr old step daughter is unmotivated



## dre (Jan 30, 2010)

Here is the problem my 18yr old stepdaughter has no interest in anything she hates her school she does not do anything at school or home. She was a d student when I came in to the picture now she is a steady b avgas student in the 11th grade which is great but we live in fl and she has not passed the math portion of her fcat since she has been in school my wife will not listen to any of my concerns or suggestions about getting her help. If she does not pass it now she will not get out of high school. My wife always says I will get her help or she will help her herself but it never happens. My daughter just sits around the house and watches TV and tries to be my wife’s bff. I'm afraid she is going to be content with working at the mall for the rest of her life. She got a job about a year ago but quit because she said they yelled at her and wanted her to do too much. It’s sonic!!! How hard could it be I worked at sonic for my first job and loved it? She does not think she is smart enough to go to college but that’s not true. I just want her to show some interest in something she likes clothes and doing hair but she has a 2 yr old sister who she could get dressed and fix her hair and experiment on but she want even do that. All she does is walk around with her cell phone like a zombie you died on the phone. She can’t even chose a boyfriend she has the same four guys coming around at different times depending on who is available and has not piss her off that day. Somebody please help me I’m lost as to what to do.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

She needs you to be more of a positive influence in her life. Spring break is coming up; have you set up a vacation? Go somewhere that the two of you can do something together and bond - hiking, sailing, building a Habitat for Humanity house, record a family video...be creative. 

She needs time with you, to see your values, so she can admire them, and pick up on them. 

Also, what kind of rules do you have in the house? Even at 18, you can instill a 'no tv til homework is done' rule or 'no phone on til chores are done' rule. She needs you to be the father that she looks up to. Sounds like you're on the right path, just need to ramp it up a little.

PS: the greatest thing I did with my D19 is that we took walks together, at least once or twice a week, for pretty much all of high school. Walking side by side (not facing each other) is not confrontational; easier to talk freely and honestly. I would really suggest this with her. Get her used to having you to talk to - girls need their fathers much more than their moms in their teen years; give her that time with you. I bet money things will look up.

Also, if you have a dog, you can take it for a walk - great excuse for a walk.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

We had a strict "no TV until homework is done" rule. Now my grandkids live under a "no computer until homework is done" rule.

One serious problem is that many schools suffocate intellectual curiosity, making education into a chore. At 18, it may be hard to un-do this, but nearly everybody likes a mystery story. And what is the world but a gigantic mystery we live in the middle of?

Try to find something she likes; just about anything will do. Did she like that 'Titanic' movie? Those 'Twilight' books with the sparkly vampires (I think that's right; I thought vampires burned up in sunlight, but apparently some sparkle)? The Beatles?

Whatever it is, find something she really likes, and then go to your local public library, check out a book or two for yourself, and one for her on whatever-it-is. A history of vampire stories, or the original _Dracula_ by Bram Stoker, or something about the sinking of Titanic, or a bio of the Beatles, or something like that. A serious, proper book about a subject she really likes. Skim the book and try to find an interesting fact or two.

Then say something like "I went by the library to get the latest Sue Grafton mystery, and thought you might like this". (Or whatever book it is you got.) Then say something tantalizingly incomplete about the book: "I was alive when the Beatles were still together, and I didn't know some of this stuff", or "I never knew that bit about the fire on Titanic", or "I had no idea there were so many _different_ legends about vampires", or something like that. Something to pique her curiosity. If she says "What fire?" or "Different legends?", you say "I just flipped through and gave it a quick skim. Anyway, I hope you like it." Then open your book and start reading.

I can't promise this will work, but the idea is to get her curious about something when the answer is right there in her hands, in the hopes that she'll open it up to look. Re-awaken something that's in almost all kids when they're little: curiosity about what's in a closed box.


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## dre (Jan 30, 2010)

thanks a lot guys


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