# wanted to move on but still couldn't



## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

Background story: 
Date for 12 yrs since high school and married 1.5 yrs 
He has an affair when I was pregnant. Discover the affair when my kid is 2 month old. 
Ow divorcee with 2 kids. Older and earn much more than me. 
He promise to leave her but I discover they still together. 

I start the 180. File divorce, ignore his message. 
Other than kid related issue, I don't entertain. 

It been a year, I still going through divorce proceeding. 
We couldnt agree on how the asset allocated and how the maintenance goes. 
Within that year, a lot of evil and hurting remarks we have make to each other. 

Now, I just as much want to move on and forget this piece of ****
But curiosity keep on holding me up. Then I start to search for his facebook, forum posting etc. 
In the end, I just get hurt. 

It so hard to move on. It distracting my life and my concentration in work. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

How you all cope with all the feeling when you all have contact regarding kid?


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

You move on when you resolve all of your emotional issues-when you forgive the one who wounded and wronged you. 

You forgive not for their sake but for your own. Only then are you free from the pain they've caused you; you let go of the past and take control of your present. Your future is no longer controlled by the past pain.

Speaking from my own experiences, it isn't easy and it takes time. One step forward, three steps back. One day happy and opportunistic, the next day sad and pessimistic. Don't let the world define you.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

How old are you now?

Do you worry you will not meet someone new?


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

Pictureless said:


> You move on when you resolve all of your emotional issues-when you forgive the one who wounded and wronged you.
> 
> You forgive not for their sake but for your own. Only then are you free from the pain they've caused you; you let go of the past and take control of your present. Your future is no longer controlled by the past pain.
> 
> Speaking from my own experiences, it isn't easy and it takes time. One step forward, three steps back. One day happy and opportunistic, the next day sad and pessimistic. Don't let the world define you.


Exactly, not easy to move on. I thought I move on but some days it strike again.
It a been a year now. Still hated him as usual.


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> How old are you now?
> 
> Do you worry you will not meet someone new?


31 this year. 
Seriously, I am afraid. 
Nobody would want to date a woman with a child  especially a young kid


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Piggy said:


> Exactly, not easy to move on. I thought I move on but some days it strike again.
> It a been a year now. Still hated him as usual.


Hate keeps you focused on the past and stalls your progress. I'm dying to meet another woman now that I'm free. I don't look for angry women; not sexy.

You don't have to forget, you don't say what was done to you was right, and you can't undo what has been done. You just let it go.

Once you forgive....truly from the heart.....the pain from the wounds and wrongs slowly scab over and start to heal. It takes time. 

The divorce will not give you justice. Revenge will not change what has happened. If you forgive, you can free yourself from the bondage of past hurts and pain. That will free you now and give you a future.

Forgiving doesn't mean reunion. It means wishing him well and saying goodbye, good luck.


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

Pictureless said:


> Hate keeps you focused on the past and stalls your progress. I'm dying to meet another woman now that I'm free. I don't look for angry women; not sexy.
> 
> You don't have to forget, you don't say what was done to you was right, and you can't undo what has been done. You just let it go.
> 
> ...


I know that letting go is the only way to free myself from anger. 
I shifting my focus to my work and kid. Been working well, but curiosity will hit me again. Then I start to hurt myself again.


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## Thjor (Feb 18, 2014)

I remember the first time I got curious. Found out he was flirting with other women but had not met them yet. Hurt like hell and never checked again. In fact I have blocked him. It makes it easier. Do yourself a favour and block him.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Piggy said:


> 31 this year.
> Seriously, I am afraid.
> Nobody would want to date a woman with a child  especially a young kid


if you aren't ready to view your worst fears, stay away from FB

FB is like family photos, every one is smiling but you call see in 

their eyes, things are not right. Little story.... I had graduated 

college in '96...bout year later I was having a blast hanging with 

the guys, drag racing, closing bars at 3AM. Then it happened... 

I was 25, she was 32 with young son. Anyway, we were together

15 years...I always liked older women, still do. Never sell yourself
short. There is life after D. My life now is 100x better than it 

was just two years ago.


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

Chuck71 said:


> if you aren't ready to view your worst fears, stay away from FB
> 
> FB is like family photos, every one is smiling but you call see in
> 
> ...


I already delete my account with fb
I don wan to trigger my sadness after seeing others happy family photo

I hope my life after divorce is better 
I pray hard for it


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Life with a cheater is miserable. So life without a cheater has to be better, it just takes time. 

It takes 2-3 years to get over things fully from what I've read. You will have more and more good days. 

It does hurt when it comes to seeing him when you exchange the kids. But that will improve too. 


Detachment is what to strive for.

Lots of men want a young woman, child or no child. And many guys have kids of their own anyway, so that is nothing to worry about. The trick is to be very choosy this time and not rush into a relationship. Date if you feel like it, but don't allow anyone to move in until you know them at least a year of knowing them.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

indiecat said:


> Life with a cheater is miserable. So life without a cheater has to be better, it just takes time.
> 
> It takes 2-3 years to get over things fully from what I've read. You will have more and more good days.
> 
> ...


I was lucky..... took me around three months

Piggy you will have numerous opportunities and as Ind said

be choosy....don't marry a guy who wants "a mom", it's okay 

if you remind him of his mom but not actual mom.

I'm just thankful I was able to avoid dating females in the 21-30

range. Great women in those age groups...just seemed the 

great ones were already taken


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

Thank you for the advice

I hope my life after divorce is really better


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

I just got my d finalist.
But my ex h SMS me in the morning: 

He recall the things that we did together. He still cannot move on. The court outcome is not what he expected. He regret everything. The things he did was so wrong ....Blah blah..

Can somebody talk some sense to me?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sweetheart, he probably freaked out when he realized how much the divorce is going to cost him. If he regretted anything about his behavior he'd have tried to reconcile before the divorce; please don't buy his crocodile tears.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

D doesn't mean it's over. my parents D in '66 and remarried in '68.

Married a month first time :rofl:

If YOU want to keep lines of communication open, do so

but if you are through..... block his access to you unless

it deals with child. Keep in mind, you have to deal with him

for the next 20 years and probably afterwards. Kids, grandkids


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

I wish somehow I could get a text like that, but deep inside I know it is not as easy as it sounds to fix a marriage. 

Like Chuck said if YOU want to keep communication open, then do it, but please don't fall for the text only, actions are the ones that count and it may get time.


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## movinonup (May 6, 2014)

Just to confirm, there are plenty of guys out there who would be interested in a 31 year old with kids, so definitely don't worry about that. You should be confident, you've made it farther than a lot of us, your ex is just realizing how dumb he probably was about the whole thing. He cheated, you didn't. He gave up, and you deserve better. Time to move on. Time to live your life the way you want to.


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

Well he send me a text wanted to send us to school and work. 
But I reject. 
Then he send another saying he will fetch us home. 

My d already finalised. All billed. 

Any suggestion. 
I Don know what motive he had
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Honey, if you think there's hope.... explore it. If you see no hope,

cut out his wah wahs right here and now. I dated a female nearly 

thirty years ago, she was dumb as a rock but when it came to 

sensing out people, a genius. You know what he is seeking.

Do you wish to dance at his farm again or are you through with him?


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## movinonup (May 6, 2014)

Only thing I can think of, is if there is any chance in He** for this to work, try marriage counseling before making any decisions. If he truly wants to work on it, you both need to work on it in MC.


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

I rejected his offer. 

Feel that he have hidden intention, maybe trying to catch me off guard and appeal to court.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

"Well my intuition was correct. I send him text asking how the overseas trip with the OW. He reply me "formally". Nv went to any overseas trip. Haha what a joke. 
He was trying to agitate and mind fug me. 
Lucky didn't fall into trap
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

ditch the guy, have a relative serve as go-between in child swap

you need to get over this pos guy. he gives guys a bad name


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

Yah. One of friend help me in the swapping of kid weekly.

So pos


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## movinonup (May 6, 2014)

You got this piggy. Stay strong.


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

He asked me who told me about the overseas trip. And ask me who is trying to stir problem. 
 
Pos
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

piggy........ to move on, you need to 180 him.


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## Piggy (Apr 24, 2014)

Yah i know. But it hard when we have a kid.
Even harder that he recently send this type of text messages
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

send back "I'm not comfortable with where this is going"

until...... he respects your wishes, continue to send that

What others do to us, is what we allowed them to


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