# 1 year separated don’t know what she wants



## Boy1

One year separated she is not willing to se a counseling wants to be friend she did not want me to move out but I could not stay bc I don’t know what she wants . She says she wants to be friends for now I can go there to eat and bring kids to bed and then I leave she brought me food to my farm I work at just the 2 days ago don’t really know why


----------



## Marc878

Check your phone bill. Somethings amiss.

You should never leave your home.


----------



## joannacroc

From your brief description it sounds like she isn't ready to get back together but is trying to stay friends so you guys can coparent effectively. She doesn't want to do counseling and she wants to be your friend - I would take what she is saying at face value. She doesn't want to work on getting back together.


----------



## Marc878

I’d add that she only wants the comfort and financing you provide. Don’t be surprise if shes planning her exit as you stand around flatfooted waiting for her. Start looking and you‘ll find out what’s up. Don’t ask her or talk just look. Have a friend drive by your home at night to see if anything’s amiss.

The “let’s be friends“ thing is usually to alleviate guilt and to keep you on the hook for her needs. Ask yourself what you’re getting out of this?

I hope you wake up. You need to.


----------



## Andy1001

You don’t know what she wants?
I know what she wants. 
It’s not you.


----------



## Boy1

Marc878 said:


> I’d add that she only wants the comfort and financing you provide. Don’t be surprise if shes planning her exit as you stand around flatfooted waiting for her. Start looking and you‘ll find out what’s up. Don’t ask her or talk just look. Have a friend drive by your home at night to see if anything’s amiss.
> 
> The “let’s be friends“ thing is usually to alleviate guilt and to keep you on the hook for her needs. Ask yourself what you’re getting out of this?
> 
> I hope you wake up. You need to.
> [/QUOTE


----------



## Boy1

She has been caught already when I stayed in the house looking after the kids went to a movie with a guy that’s why I left


----------



## Marc878

She cheats and you leave your home? Worst thing you could have possibly done.

All you did whether you realize it or not was open those barn doors wide open for her boyfriend. He’s probably living there with her while you pay the bills. Do you even think about your kids? What they are thinking about their dad? They learn most from their parents. What are you teaching them?

definition of friend - loyal, honest and trustworthy. Shes not your friend or your wife. She’s scamming you while living with her boyfriend.

I’ll bet she blamed you for her cheating too. Sound familiar? Nope, cheating is all on her. It was a choice she made. She doesn’t care about you or the family. Look at her actions. Her words don’t mean crap. She just uses those to keep you in Line. WAKE UP!

Blame-shifting is when a person does something wrong or inappropriate, and then dumps the blame on someone else to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior.
She’s a problem but you are your worst problem. Why are you taking this?

download and read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by glass. It’s a free pdf download.


----------



## Marc878

There is nothing to save here. Get to a good attorney and file for divorce. Please do not tell her your plan’s.

She is your enemy. Get everything lined up and act. There’s nothing to talk with her about. She’s been cheating for a year probably longer and playing you for a fool.

You don’t deserve this. Your kids don’t deserve this.

Talk will get you nothing. Only action counts.


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> One year separated she is not willing to se a counseling wants to be friend she did not want me to move out but I could not stay bc I don’t know what she wants .
> 
> *She wants her boyfriend not you. You can bet she’s been seeing her boyfriend all this time*
> 
> She says she wants to be friends for now I can go there to eat and bring kids to bed and then I leave she brought me food to my farm I work at just the 2 days ago don’t really know why
> 
> *So you can go see your kids, eat and help put them to bed in your house then leave before her boyfriend comes over?
> 
> She probably brought you food to keep you away from the house. You know why don’t you?*


You do see how messed up this is, right?


----------



## Mr.Married

It’s really nice of you to keep paying for all that. She knows what she wants.... she wants a dummy that is willing to keep paying for her life. That would be you.


----------



## Boy1

Marc878 said:


> I’d add that she only wants the comfort and financing you provide. Don’t be surprise if shes planning her exit as you stand around flatfooted waiting for her. Start looking and you‘ll find out what’s up. Don’t ask her or talk just look. Have a friend drive by your home at night to see if anything’s amiss.
> 
> The “let’s be friends“ thing is usually to alleviate guilt and to keep you on the hook for her needs. Ask yourself what you’re getting out of this?
> 
> I hope you wake up. You need to.





Marc878 said:


> She cheats and you leave your home? Worst thing you could have possibly done.
> 
> All you did whether you realize it or not was open those barn doors wide open for her boyfriend. He’s probably living there with her while you pay the bills. Do you even think about your kids? What they are thinking about their dad? They learn most from their parents. What are you teaching them?
> 
> definition of friend - loyal, honest and trustworthy. Shes not your friend or your wife. She’s scamming you while living with her boyfriend.
> 
> I’ll bet she blamed you for her cheating too. Sound familiar? Nope, cheating is all on her. It was a choice she made. She doesn’t care about you or the family. Look at her actions. Her words don’t mean crap. She just uses those to keep you in Line. WAKE UP!
> 
> Blame-shifting is when a person does something wrong or inappropriate, and then dumps the blame on someone else to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior.
> She’s a problem but you are your worst problem. Why are you taking this?
> 
> download and read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by glass. It’s a free pdf download.


she says I cheated on her bc I watched porn and told her about it 3 years ago and now we have to build up are trust


----------



## Boy1

Marc878 said:


> You do see how messed up this is, right?


Good luck with 3 kids in the hous under the age of 6


----------



## Boy1

Marc878 said:


> You do see how messed up this is, right?


And she wants me to come back home but I am not willing to unless she wants to seek help


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> she says I cheated on her bc I watched porn and told her about it 3 years ago and now we have to build up are trust



Blame-shifting is when a person does something wrong or inappropriate, and then dumps the blame on someone else to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior.
Bud, all cheaters are liars. Read the blame shifting definition again. She used that as an excuse to cheat on you.

You watched porn so she screws her boyfriend for a year? Not even close to the same category.

You are getting used. I’ll bet her boyfriend is there every night. Take a drive by and see.

wake up!!!!!


----------



## Boy1

Mr.Married said:


> It’s really nice of you to keep paying for all that. She knows what she wants.... she wants a dummy that is willing to keep paying for her life. That would be you.


I don’t pay for anything separate bank account


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> And she wants me to come back home but I am not willing to unless she wants to seek help


Sorry man but you have to help yourself. She likes the current arrangements.


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> Good luck with 3 kids in the hous under the age of 6


Wanna bet on that? You’re like a lot. In denial of what’s going on.


----------



## Marc878

Drive by unexpected a few nights.


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> I don’t pay for anything separate bank account


you don’t help with rent, utilities, food?


----------



## Marc878

Are you intimate? Having sex?


----------



## Boy1

Marc878 said:


> you don’t help with rent, utilities, food?


No not till the courts say so


----------



## Boy1

Marc878 said:


> Are you intimate? Having sex?


No


----------



## Boy1

Marc878 said:


> Drive by unexpected a few nights.


I drive by every day she lives right next to where I work


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> No not till the courts say so


So are you separated pending a divorce? Need some clarity. Canada has a years waiting period?


----------



## Boy1

No not yet she does not want


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> I drive by every day she lives right next to where I work


What about nighttime after you leave?


----------



## Boy1

Marc878 said:


> So are you separated pending a divorce? Need some clarity. Canada has a years waiting period?


Yes 1 year


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> No


Has she cut off sex and if so for how long?


----------



## Boy1

Marc878 said:


> What about nighttime after you leave?


Drive by a lot bc I have on call at night


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> Yes 1 year


So you’ve filed separation for Divorce?


----------



## Boy1

Marc878 said:


> Has she cut off sex and if so for how long?


Yes almost a year now


----------



## Boy1

Marc878 said:


> So you’ve filed separation for Divorce?


March 20 I can


----------



## Marc878

Marc878 said:


> So you’ve filed separation for Divorce?


Have you ever entered the home unexpectedly at night?


----------



## Boy1

Marc878 said:


> Have you ever entered the home unexpectedly at night?


Yes


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> Yes almost a year now


It’s common for a cheater to stop sex with their husband because they don’t want to cheat on their boyfriend.
It sounds strange I know But it happens a lot.

And she cut sex after you found her with the boyfriend.

You see the correlation here.

Most betrayed spouses go into denial because they don’t want to see the truth.


----------



## Marc878

Have you checked your phone bill online?


----------



## Marc878

The thing you have to understand is you can’t make her do anything. You can’t make her love you.
Words are meaningless. Actions are all that matter. Her actions tell you?

While you may love her that doesn’t mean she feels the same.


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> Yes


So you‘ve never seen anything amiss? I’m assuming she goes out. Do you babysit ?


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> March 20 I can


That’s a very good thing. At least you’ve started the ball rolling.
congrats.


----------



## jlg07

So YOU are waiting around for HER to make a decision? It's been almost a year, and you KNOW she's gone out on dates (even right in FRONT of you?). She COMPLETELY disrespected you TO YOUR FACE. She isn't willing to work on this. She is just waiting for YOU to finally get fed up and divorce HER so that YOU are the bad guy.

You watching porn does NOT give her the hall pass to go out and BANG someone else. Sorry, NO WAY they are equivalent. I am NOT saying that watching porn didn't hurt her, but they are just NOT on the same scale of cheating.

YOU need to make the decisions now. WHY do you want to be "friends" with her when she cheated on you. You can be cordial (like she's an acquaintance) because she is the mother of your kids, but NOTHING else.
Get to a lawyer and see what the financials will look like, child custody, etc.. If you both own the house, sell it.
Get 50/50 with the kids, and get rid of her -- ONLY deal with her on divorce and children issues from now on. NOTHING else.


----------



## Laurentium

The thread title says it all. What *she* wants. Forget about what she wants. What do *you* want? Do you know?


----------



## Boy1

Laurentium said:


> The thread title says it all. What *she* wants. Forget about what she wants. What do *you* want? Do you know?


I want to work on it she got diagnosed with a disease 3 months ago that you don’t want she tells me she wants to work on it by being friends but no goals


----------



## Marc878

Boy1 said:


> I want to work on it she got diagnosed with a disease 3 months ago that you don’t want she tells me she wants to work on it by being friends but no goals


sorry man but that’s an empty gesture.


----------



## Lostinthought61

Look stop being a freaking doormat, she is a classic cake eater...grow up and stop allowing her to write the narrative to your relationship....file for divorce and sell the house...stop any belief in thinking the is a chance this a relationship worth saving. Right now you are rewarding bad behavior


----------



## Imagirl

Dude, you ARE being a doormat. I am a woman and you know what I want? A red blooded MAN. Dont let her call all the shots. Decide what YOU want and go from there. But for now focus on bettering yourself and on being the best dad you can be. That'll probably involve treating her with a dose of indifference, so be it. Start working right this moment on bettering yourself and taking care of those little people.


----------



## Marc878

If you’re looking for a magic fix there isn’t one. You have nothin to work with here.


----------



## ConanHub

Where did testosterone get off too?


----------



## Imagirl

ConanHub said:


> Where did testosterone get off too?


Its disappearing fast. I'll probably get blasted but I really think women want manly men. They play and kick and scream that they don't but....they do. I know I do.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Boy1 said:


> One year separated she is not willing to se a counseling wants to be friend she did not want me to move out but I could not stay bc I don’t know what she wants . She says she wants to be friends for now I can go there to eat and bring kids to bed and then I leave she brought me food to my farm I work at just the 2 days ago don’t really know why


When she said she wants to be friends, that means she no longer wants to be your wife and doesn't feel like your wife or having sex or any of that. You've been separated a year and I think you may as well go ahead and make it official by filing divorce papers. She doesn't hate you or anything, but once a woman loses that romantic feeling for a man, it's not going to come back. She probably feels bad about the whole thing, but there's no point in trying to hang on to it.


----------



## aine

Boy1 said:


> No not till the courts say so


WTF! These are your kids, right? You are waiting for the court to tell you to take care of your kids? If this is representative of how you acted in the marriage, I think it is best u get a divorce.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

Boy1 said:


> One year separated she is not willing to se a counseling wants to be friend she did not want me to move out but I could not stay bc I don’t know what she wants . She says she wants to be friends for now I can go there to eat and bring kids to bed and then I leave she brought me food to my farm I work at just the 2 days ago don’t really know why


She literally means she wants to maintain a friendship with you because I guess she would miss that and doesn't want to be inconvenienced that way. But she is done with being the wife. There are tons of women who will be just friends with a man but very few men who will be just friends with a woman. So stop looking for an ulterior motive here and just go file your papers. You can't just remain close friends with someone who's going to be an ex and expect to be able to move forward with a new life because no woman is going to put up with that level of involvement from her. so you need to explain that to her and tell her no we can't be friends but we will be civil to each other and good co-parents but I'm not going to have you interfering with my future relationships by being active friends.


----------



## SunCMars

Boy1 said:


> I don’t pay for anything separate bank account


Baby sitting is expensive.

Having a stable home to operate out of is priceless.

Your children should be your only priority, now.

Not her.


----------



## marko polo

Look after your kids. Start seeing other women. Leave your disinterested wife behind.


----------

