# Help! Relationship Anxiety



## girlygirl100 (Sep 8, 2011)

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. He is 31, I am 28. This is my first real relationship, but he has had a few past girlfriends. He treats me wonderfully. He loves me, tells me I'm beautiful, has a great job, is involved in sports, cooks, I could go on and on.

There are times where I am on top of the world and couldn't be happier....then out of nowhere I am crabby, anxious and I question everything about us. I have always been an anxious person and at the urging of my family recently went to the doctor and was prescribed Paxil. I have been on it for about 6 weeks and it has helped. But at times I still can't shake this anxiety when it comes to our relationship.

I have been honest with him and he has been very patient with me, but I feel like he is starting to get frustrated. I tend to dwell and over analyze everything. If we get into an argument, he can discuss the problem then let it go. I can't. I get quiet and I snap at him. Then I go through a pattern of questioning everything about us and having doubts. 

I also tend to get anxious about whether he is "the one". Like I said, he is my first serious relationship. I will just sit there and think about all the "what if's" and if there is someone else out there for me. I get so mad when I do that, because when things are good between us I have no doubts... it seems to flare up when we flight and it just spirals and takes me about a week to fully get over it and get back to normal. 

I guess what I am looking for is to find out if other people feel like this? I feel like even though I am getting help, medication wise, that I still have problems. I want to overcome this anxiety so I don't lose him. I know what an amazing person he is now and I can only imagine how wonderful of a husband and father he will be someday. 

Thanks in advance for any advice.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Hi there. First, it is great that you are seeking help and are willing to put in the effort it takes to make a relationship work. Second, it does sound like you have a loving and patient boyfriend. Consider yourself lucky as you are already way ahead of this compared to other couples. 

I would consider myself to be similar to your boyfriend and you similar to my wife with regards to how we handle problems/tension. 

It is important that you figure this out as I am sure as time passes it will put strain on your relationship. It definatlwy sounds like you have insecurity issues which makes since as this is your first real relationship and you want so bad to make it work. You may even be trying too hard and putting too much pressure on yourself. What you need to do is just fully and completely trust that your partner loves you and has your best interest at heart, it really sounds like he does. You also need to try not to sweat the small stuff. I think there is a book out there by that title that helped me put life in perspective. 

Also, while medication helps, it is no substitute for a trained counselor. 

Best of luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## girlygirl100 (Sep 8, 2011)

Thank you for your response!

I would have to agree with you about feeling insecure about everything.. and putting a lot of pressure on myself. He tends to live in the moment while I am in the moment but thinking about the next moment. 

I have heard of that book, in fact, I think my dad may have it. I should check it out. Thanks again!


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## Akki (Nov 5, 2011)

Hi girly girl,

I am facing similar problms as urs..I tend to get depressed n stressed at about evry step he makes though he is a wondrful boyfrnd...i fear losing him and i fear that he might change his priorities one day (though i know its only my thought). I get stressful if he gives more time to his friends and even at the points where our thoughts donot match. we discus the mattr and he becoms cool aftr that bt i always keep hanging betwn questions in my mind abt evrythng related to our relatnship! 

this is my first relatnship too n its been almost 2 1/2 yrs. I think i am sufring frm sum kind of mood or behavioural disorder...i hav lost appetite n intrest in daily routine and at times think of suicide...i m patient but i need help soon.


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