# No cunnilingus for 5+yrs



## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

I impress on him or not. He's told me that twice he was close to doing it but something I did changed his mind. I feel like he doesn't care about me. I have told him my feelings but it doesn't matter. What should I do?


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Stop giving him BJ


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Stop giving him BJ


This!

OP, have you asked him why he hasn't and how much it means to you? Is he concerned about cleanlyness? Maybe offer to take a shower with him? Does he not like hair? Offer to shave. 

Maybe be a bit more aggressive with him, while he's on his back ride his face or just turn for a 69.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

What are his feelings on the subject? Does it gross him out or something? Would he do it in the shower? I need more info!!


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Have you asked him what it was you did that changed his mind about it?


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

He apparently has an aversion to it. After 5 year I would imagine it's an ingrained pattern. It may not be easy to change.

Oral sex in my mind is something a person has to want to do. If they're only doing it because they feel they have to it's not likely to be very good.


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

Q: Have you asked him why he hasn't and how much it means to you?
A: Yes, he just doesn't like doing it.
Q: Is he concerned about cleanliness?
A: No.
Q: Maybe offer to take a shower with him?
A: I have. We've even had sex in the shower.
Q: Does he not like hair? Offer to shave.
A: He doesn't like hair at all. 3/4 of the time I'm shaven.
Q: What are his feelings on the subject? 
A: He's VERY hesitant.
Q: Does it gross him out or something? 
A: It's just not something he's given a lot of thought to before we got married.
Q: Would he do it in the shower? 
A: I've tried to get him to do it and he hasn't yet.
Q: Have you asked him what it was you did that changed his mind about it? 
A: He's told me it's me doing something he doesn't expect as an act of love. 3/4 of the time he tells me that what I do he expects.

I've gone up to three years without giving him one. Hasn't changed anything except he gets irritated that I don't do it. We've had heart to heart talks about him doing it. I've quoted scripture and he tells me how I'm being "unchristian".


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

He gets mad when you don't do it for him, but he wont do it for you! Classic! 

Why are you quoting scripture?


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

He's a christian and I'm a pagan christian. Though I hide the pagan part from him.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

x2startermom said:


> He's a christian and I'm a pagan christian. Though I hide the pagan part from him.


So does he feel its christian like for you to go down on him, but he doesn't think its christian like for him to do you?


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## phenixcitymountainman (Sep 23, 2012)

Makes me wish I could trade your desire to be taken care for my wife's lack of it!

When we first got together, she was all about having me do it. Claimed it was mind-blowing. Then she found out that I actually enjoyed doing it, and I suddenly began to be turned down when I would offer. 3 years later, she still claims it's mind-blowing on the rare occasion that I get to do it (and often says something to the effect of, "Why do I ever turn you down for this?"), yet 90+% of the time when I offer, I'm turned down.


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

CallaLily said:


> So does he feel its christian like for you to go down on him, but he doesn't think its christian like for him to do you?


My view yes. His he'd say no.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

I don't recall JC getting any BJs in the New Testament. Your husband sounds like an ass.


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## not_bubba (Feb 9, 2013)

Sheeze. 

The more I read these kind of things I feel like some spouses (male and female) are psycho. I cannot comment on how to fix it since I am at a loss in my own quandry. 

But I am male. BJs stopped on the marriage ceremony (6+ years ago) though were common enough before. I perform oral on her for a long time every single time without exception too since she likes it and responds well to it. She also needs about an hour strong massage as a precursor for anything to start so this happens every time before sex and sometimes without (if she wants). I have never been massaged once. I could live with all of this, but the kicker is she is low drive too and sex is way way too infrequent in spite of the effort and her enjoying things. The full combination stresses me out unbelievably. 

So although I have no advice, perhaps you can take solace in realizing that things could be far worse than you have


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## not_bubba (Feb 9, 2013)

I should have added some possible legitimate advice that I wish I had taken in my corresponding situation. You should be more forceful in making sure he addresses your desires within reason and responds. You are pushing things more than I did and that is likely good. But being more emphatic is likely necessary. These things do not get better on their own via wishful thinking. Selfish behavior gets ingrained. If kids come that can further confound things when real time stresses are present.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Anon1111 said:


> I don't recall JC getting any BJs in the New Testament. Your husband sounds like an ass.


That's probably what Satan REALLY promised him during those 40 days in the desert.


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

not_bubba - we already have kids. I was pregnant by him when we got married.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Sounds like he's a bit selfish. 
The actual act is a bit dirty I'll admit, but it's heaven to see her go wild arch her back and buck all over the place.
Unfortunately I get turned away more often than not myself.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

badcompany said:


> Sounds like he's a bit selfish.
> *The actual act is a bit dirty I'll admit,* but it's heaven to see her go wild arch her back and buck all over the place.
> Unfortunately I get turned away more often than not myself.


Speak for yourself


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

^^^ I mean from a purely scientific point of view that you are licking where piss comes out. From a sexual point of view the juices, her aroma, and her pleasure is mind blowing.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

badcompany said:


> ^^^ I mean from a purely scientific point of view that you are* licking where piss comes out*. From a sexual point of view the juices, her aroma, and her pleasure is mind blowing.


Same thing can be said about BJs!!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

badcompany said:


> ^^^ I mean from a purely scientific point of view that you are licking where piss comes out. From a sexual point of view the juices, her aroma, and her pleasure is mind blowing.


There ya go 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> Same thing can be said about BJs!!


The second non bolded part applies too 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

badcompany said:


> Sounds like he's a bit selfish.
> The actual act is a bit dirty I'll admit, but it's heaven to see her go wild arch her back and buck all over the place.
> Unfortunately I get turned away more often than not myself.


Insofar as urine is almost sterile, dirty would be the wrong word to use here.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Insofar as urine is almost sterile, dirty would be the wrong word to use here.


Sterile from a pathogenic standpoint, yes, but it still contains minerals and other non biological potential toxins  I'm still more than willing and happy to take the risk, and I do so at every opportunity...glad my STBW loves it daily 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Does Christianity really forbid oral sex between married partners? It seems to me he's not into it as is using this as an excuse.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Does Christianity really forbid oral sex between married partners? It seems to me he's not into it as is using this as an excuse.


It does not forbid oral. There are even versus in the Bible that strongly suggest it (see the book Song of Solomon). 

It does say: "do not deprive each other except by mutual consent." (1 Cor 7). So by withholding something from your spouse is a sin.


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## mrbambino (Jun 18, 2013)

Do the same to him, no BJs!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

the bottom line is hes a selfish lover and dose not care about pleasing you sexually. if you crave oral and he is not receptive then you need to decide if this issue along with any other issue is a deal breaker or not.

even if he dose start giving out of obligation it will be an half a$$ed attempt and not very enjoyable ......the whole time you will be stressing about it and most likly won't be able to enjoy it or even orgasm from it.


I would stop giving him oral and when he asks just say I don't feel like giving when I don't get so we can just have vannilla sex from now on . 



if he balks stick to your guns. but realise this he might be fine with just sex with no extra. if thats the case then not much you can do but accept it and love him for his good qualities.


dose the good out way the bad.....that is the question.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

You and he should go to a sex therapist, I would lean towards a male therapist, your husband may be less likely to feel like he is getting "ganged up on".

My wife had some deep-seated hang-ups around receiving oral that stemmed from her strict Catholic upbringing. For many years, she would not let me give her oral unless she had some drinks in her. When she was tipsy, she would actually ask for oral and would have multiple orgasms from it. Without being drunk, she would almost always let me do it for a few minutes, then stop me (her guilt/lack of confidence/self-consciousness, etc. would take over).

Now she will insist that we do it to completion almost every time. That is after 6 months of intensive (2x per week) therapy, and a couple of years of actual practice. The therapy helped her understand that as long as two people love each other, trust each other, and are committed to each other, there shouldn't be any pre-set guidelines around what is "off the table" sexually in a marriage.

We really only have a few areas where we don't go sexually after sex therapy. We don't invite others into our sex life, by mutual agreement. We have tried anal intercourse a handful of times, it was interesting, but neither of us got much from it. I do, however, enjoy touching and licking her in that area, and she is OK with that. The third thing is that she generally does not swallow my cum, she has done this several times over the years, she is OK with the taste, but hates the texture.

Anyway, I would recommend sex therapy very highly, it has really changed the way we approach sex and communication about sex, and has enhanced our marriage significantly.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

x2startermom said:


> I impress on him or not. He's told me that twice he was close to doing it but something I did changed his mind. I feel like he doesn't care about me. I have told him my feelings but it doesn't matter. What should I do?


Make it matter. Force it. This is a deal breaker for some. It may be for you. If you need this sexually, then he needs to provide it or work through the issues with a sex therapist. I recommend you offer to him to go to a sex therapist. If he will not go then take away what he likes until he does go. Be prepared to stand your ground though. If he learns that being an arse will eventually get him what he wants then that is what he will do.


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## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

wrong attitude . throw a leg over him, then scrunch forward till you align with the intended objective,and coax him till both of u love each other to death.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

Well, this is unfortunate. If my wife was up for it, I would give it to her five or six times a week. I learned quite a bit about this topic from a lesbian and have to say that none of my partners have been unsatisfied. There is nothing wrong or disgusting about it. Knowing that something that you do with your tongue makes them feel that good is so rewarding.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

If there is a pungent aroma from the woman, it might be a bit difficult to get into it, so to speak. But if you keep yourself clean and maintained, it should be (well, for myself and any male friends with whom I've spoken about this topic) a great turn on. It's the most intimate thing that you can do TO and FOR a woman. It's not something that should be done, for example, in an ONS, or with someone you are casually into (FWB etc). It's a very intimate act, moreso in some ways than intercourse. 

I love giving head to my W. It's a thrill and a privilege. Not to mention a turn-on. She's very clean, too, and that makes it just that much sweeter. If your man has a hang up about this, and you've eliminated the physical things that could be a turn off for him (if, in fact, he's even identified any), then it may just be something he's mentally not able to do. I can't understand that, myself, but that's me, not him. Perhaps counseling.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Another thought: Is there secret, hidden-from-you abuse in his past? You hide your paganism from him, maybe he's hiding something from you. Abuse might cause oral to be a trigger for him.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Other than lack of oral how are things in the relationship physically and emotionally?

At one time did he give you oral or is it something he has never done?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

x2startermom said:


> He's a christian and I'm a pagan christian. Though I hide the pagan part from him.


It has nothing to do with Christianity. I'm a conservative Christian, and I would do this to my wife every night if she would let me.

In Hebrews it talks about the marriage bed being undefiled, and the way I interpret it is, what happens between a husband and wife is blessed by God.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

I highly doubt it has to do with abuse. The religion thing is a not-convincing excuse. The guy doesn't like doing it, doesn't want to, so isn't going to. Nothing you can do, except decide to live with it or decide to move on to a man who is sexually compatible with you.


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## FWGolfGirl (Jun 14, 2013)

Seems like he might not be feeling that vibe or special drive anymore. Not your fault!!!! A we get older it can be hard for the complicated male species to compensate and stiffen and release if you will. Best of luck dear and don't be afraid to spice things up  :smthumbup:


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

OP,

Did he ever give you oral sex? Did it change after you had a baby? 

I have a friend who watched his wife deliver their baby in the hospital, and he then had very different feelings towards her vagina afterward. Could there be something like this going on in his mind??????


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