# Help for the Unhappily Married Man



## UnhappilyMarriedMan

I am an unhappily married man. I've been married for the past 16 years with 2 children ages 11 and 13.

The marital issues revolve around the following:

1. Lost interest in my wife.
2. Parenting of our youngest child (age 11 - boy).
3. Lost sexual interest.

We lead a very busy life - I travel for work between 60-80% of the time and our children are very busy with school and extracurricular activities. All of this leaves very little time for ourselves (individually and as a married couple). The time that we do spend together is typically tension filled with arguments revolving around the point #2 above.

Our relationship has deteriorated to the point that I often contemplate leaving the marriage whenever issues/arguments arise. In reflecting upon these feelings, I believe they indicate a deep, sincere unhappiness with the marriage. I believe that my wife is also very unhappy and maybe contemplating divorce/separation - although we have not spoken of this topic. However, we both come from families where divorce/separation are strongly admonished and the children's well being is most important.

I really need someone to talk to - someone who can help me to think clearly and factually. I don't know if the above issues are the root cause of my unhappiness. Please help!

DM


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## marina72

Well, what has happened to you two, has happened to many couples.

Life gets busy, we go about our daily tasks, kids take a lot of our time, as they should, but nevertheless, it's a busy life.

And before you know it, you've neglected your marriage. Both of you, I'm not pointing fingers. You forget to nurture, and water that garden, your marriage, and it slowly and surely dies. 

That analogy is so true, if you neglect a garden, it dies, and the same is true of a marriage. Your relationship , and spending alone time with your spouse, is just as important as a career, kids, and anything else, but it's the one thing, that almost all people, occasionally forget to focus on. We get comfy, and forget that we have to keep it alive, and fun, and exciting. Essentially, life gets in the way, and for some reason, marriage ends up on the back burner. Marriage is like any other venture, it takes a lot of work, dedication, and time. 

I think you and your wife need to really sit and talk, both get your feelings out, honestly. Discuss what it is you both want to happen. Let her know what your concerns are, and tell her you honestly want to know hers. 

I do think there's potential, and there's always some hope. So, if you truly want it to work, I believe you can reconnect on a husband/wife level...

Do you think that if you two could work together, you could get that back?


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## UnhappilyMarriedMan

Marina

Thank you for your kind reply.

Everything you say is very true. I've been to a counselor to help me with my "competitive frustrations" and how they impact our family. I am contemplating re-engaging in that therapy on an individual basis.

To answer your question, "Do I think we could get our marriage back?" Honestly, I'm not sure. I feel very disconnected from her lately. Not sure if it's because of my heavy travel schedule the first 9 weeks of this year or a combination of of the travel schedule and furious family pace over the past 3 years. Sports is a real issue for me and our family. I am ultra competitive and really push our children to succeed in all they do - academics, community service, and sports. I recognize this is not healthy nor conducive to a good family life.

My ultimate goal is to be a "good father" as I did not have that type of support from my father. So as you can see, I have quite a few issues on my own and I'm not sure that I can solve them. I am 45 years old and have tried to change on a number of occassions but tend to fall back into old habits over time. It's definitely disappointing but I'm quickly coming to the conclusion that my capacity to truly change is significantly limited and only works for short periods of time in the best of times.

Lots of baggage. Huh?


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## TIME

Dear Unhappy,

You have to WANT to change and WANT to make things work PLUS your wife needs to want these things too.

I feel that if one does not really want to fix things, they will not change things or themselves to fix it.

I am in love with a married man who told me he has been very unhappy for 8 years now. I did not plan it or ever expect to allow myself to fall for him, but there was no fighting it. But here it is 2 years since we met. He is STILL very unhappy and still married. He is afraid to make the changes he needs to make to be happy, so he lives in his own unhappiness. 

Seems this is very common. I cannot understand it as much as I try. To let one year go past, then another and another... unhappy?!?!? WHY. If you have tried to fix it, several attempts and it just isn't happening, I say "why beat a dead horse?"

Children are resilient and should never be used as a reason to stay in an an unhappy marriage. I have proof and I am proof of this. You will ALWYAS be a dad, just make sure you are always an amazing dad.

Take care.


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## LOVETAKESWORK

Dear Unhappy, I agree with Marina, your marriage is like a garden it can be lush, beautiful, fragrant, and so rewarding, but it takes a lot of work. It sounds like your garden just needs some weeding, pruning, and lots of attention. Please don’t give up hope, I have counseled many men over the years and know a number of men that have come back from the type of despair you feel. My wife and I have come back from separation and almost divorce (we had lawyers and everything) and that is almost 16 years ago. I mean no offence to dear “Time”, but you can put everything she shared in the proverbial waist basket, she is a broken soul who obviously has experienced much hurt and pain in her life and does not know she is even being used by the man she is currently in a relationship with. Dear Time, please get a handle on reality, you are satisfying only a small part of your boyfriends needs, that is why he is still in the relationship with his wife no matter how much you want to believe what your saying, the reality is your just being used. You deserve much more than this. Get out of this relationship, discover who you are and start a fresh with someone who is not married. If you are to ever know real happiness you will need to work on you for a long time and know healing before you ever have a successful relationship. To be having an affair with a married man should send you a strong message about your own character and self worth. Dear Unhappy you are going to get a lot of this type of advise, as the old proverb rings true, “misery loves company”. I have a very similar background as you and have raised 2 children who were highly involved in sports, in retrospect their activities seemed important at the time, but they were not as important as being part of a loving home that is whole. Sadly just the opposite of much of what “Time” communicated is true broken homes create broken kids that become broken adults. By Time’s own admission she comes from a broken home and it is obvious that her actions are those of a broken person, her behavior stems out of brokenness not wholeness. If I may give you some advice, first you need to take responsibility for your actions. You own them, not your wife. The happiest people I know are responsible people and don’t play the blame game or give over to self-pity. Although it easy to do both and the Lord knows I have experienced both myself in the past and learned that the only path to wholeness, happiness, and fulfillment is the path of responsibility. You need to also know you are not a failure, yes you have made mistakes but you are not a failure! You can overcome these problems and usher in a new era in your family. If you like to read I highly recommend “Raising a Modern Day Night” by Robert Lewis I have read this book a couple of times and have given out several copies to men I know and have counseled. It brought some healing and direction to my life and I know it will do the same for you. In Lewis’s book in addition to many topics he covers he defines what it is to be a man to his own sons, and the first thing on the list is “A man accepts responsibility!” To answer your question to Marina, you do have lots of baggage, but keep in mind most people do. I also want to address your comment that you have only known short-term success in your personal journey to change; at 45 you have obviously enjoyed some professional success, your personal life is not that different from your professional life. For you to have become successful in your career you needed to invest a great deal of your time and effort in your given area of work, I am sure you have also benefited from some type of education and the leadership and counsel of those in authority over you. Your personal development needs the same chance, you need a mentor in your life that is older and has a successful marriage, you must be careful who to select, I do not recommend re-married men as they all have a slanted view of things. You need a man in his 50’s who has been married at least 25 plus years who knows that there are no perfect marriages and that marriages need work. You need to also surround yourself with other men that want to see you and your marriage succeed, not men who will baby you and give you advise that comes out of their own brokenness. Just like the professional sports team that spends a great deal of time searching out the best coach for their team to assure success, you need the same for your personal life. Seek out solid people (successful in life skills) that are willing to spend time with you and invest in you and your family. Thousands of men meet every week across the country to discuss their marriages, families and personal struggles. They meet in coffee shops, living rooms and churches, I am confident there is probably 25-50 groups that meet within driving distance of your home every week. I wouldn’t be surprised if you know some men that either know of or partake in one of these groups. Your marriage and your children deserve and need your best effort. Also don’t worry about your wife changing, she will change and things will change in your relationship with her as you change and take responsibility for your actions. If you have specific questions don’t hesitate to send me a private message or ask it here on this forum either will work. I don’t know you but I know many men like you that have seen their marriages restored. They did it and so can you! Wishing you blessings and much success along your journey.


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## UnhappilyMarriedMan

Time and LoveTakesWork -

Thank you both for your guidance. Two questions:

1. How do you know if you are committing self-pity?
2. How do you know if your heart is not in the marriage anymore?

Any and all guidance is greatly appreciated and welcomed.

Best Regards,
DM


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## MarkTwain

UnhappilyMarriedMan said:


> I am an unhappily married man. I've been married for the past 16 years with 2 children ages 11 and 13.
> 
> The marital issues revolve around the following:
> 
> 1. Lost interest in my wife.
> 2. Parenting of our youngest child (age 11 - boy).
> 3. Lost sexual interest.


Can you break down points 1 and 3, and detail how it used to be and how it is now. Also frequency of sex, then and now.


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## UnhappilyMarriedMan

MarkTwain

In regards to point #1, we share the duties of managing a house and family. Not much more. There are things we used to do together - share dinner out/movies alone/taken vacation alone - but that has all gone away and I don' think I miss those times with her. It's not as though I crave those times with her again.

In regards to point #3, very infrequently (semi-annually).

Thanks!
DM


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## MarkTwain

UnhappilyMarriedMan said:


> In regards to point #3, very infrequently (semi-annually).


Who is the one that would like it more often? We need the emotions behind the facts, not just the facts. the sex thing is obviously a major part of your marriage problems - it's also my favourite topic


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## UnhappilyMarriedMan

She would like it more often although I think that her interest has waned as well.


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## MarkTwain

UnhappilyMarriedMan-

You see, you probably feel like your marriage has huge insurmountable problems, but actually, it all comes down to what you want. The fact that you are posting here, is a good sign. If you make your marriage into a project that you want to love and restore with a passion - like you just discovered you had a "Leonardo Davinci" in the basment, you can do it. Look at my article on romance. It might be a start.

A lot of people tell me they want to give up smoking. Yet they always make sure they don't run out of cigarettes. The biggest move you can ever make is to decide what you actually want. That takes no effort at all, and after that the rest is easy!

The effort comes in when we say we want one thing, but all the time we are working towards another. What actually happens is that you end up fighting against yourself. That's what takes the energy. You just need to become clear, and get 100% behind one direction.


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## marina72

many good points from all posters.

well, to answer your question, about knowing if your heart is in the marriage..

Well, look at it this way, it's always been in it, and it's always been out of it. At any moment, there's always the possibility, that we either conciously, or subconsiously, decide not to put any effort into something that is important to us. Whether it be a marriage, work, a project, a painting. 

I'll give you an example, abeit a weird one.

I enjoy crafts, I love to paint, do pastels, pencil sketches, anything really. But in the last few years I"ve really gotten into making really elaborate wreaths. So, I'll go to the craft store, usually Michaels, and get all kinds of stuff to decorate them with. I then set up everything I'll need, and lay out the trinkets on the wreath, where I want them. Then I attach them, and secure everything, and there you have it! One or two times, I've gotten all kinds of stuff for a wreath, I get all excited about it, my Heart is in it, I want to make it, and then.... I neglect it, keeping all my materials in the bags from the store. And a year or two will go by, and it's still sitting there, waiting to be put together! hehehe..

Where am I going with this? Well, you see my heart was in it, and I wanted it , but it takes work to acheive it. And even after I let all the stuff for the wreaths sit, and neglected doing it, that didn't change the fact that I still wanted it completed and put together, but I simply wasn't willing to put any work into it at that time. So my heart was in it, and wanted it, but my heart also wasn't in it, and was too busy to work on it, and didn't want to do the work, to achieve the final result. 

I think if your heart wasn't in your marriage, you wouldn't be posting here in the first place, you'd have just left her, and that'd be it. At the same time, your "heart" isn't in it in this moment. And likely her isn't either. You do care for her, clearly, and you likely still love her. You have a family, and a life with her. A lot to give up, without a serious fight. She needs to do some work too, both of you do. 

You travel a lot, and that can be an issue, but, even that won't ruin your marriage if you don't let it. You have to really dig in your heels, and just decide that you're going to do this, if you truly want to save your marriage. 

My advice, even if you don't miss those times with her, although how would you know, if you haven't had that for years? Even if you dont' think you miss it, go an do something with her anyway.

Take a trip, just the two of you, even if it's only the weekend. No sex pressures, unless you both want it. Just court her again. Take your family and go for a hike, wherever you live, find neat things to do around there, and do them. 

You say you're overly competitive, and that you push your kids hard. That can be a good thing, but not if you over do it. So just resolve to lighten up a bit. Life truly is not about winning at something, it's just about being happy, and savoring every moment we have. Every day you're here, that your kids are here, that your wife is here, is a precious gift. Don't let things that ultimately won't matter one bit once you're gone, influence how you live your life. 

Do I mean don't be competitive, no , it's okay, as long as it's not interfering with your ability to parent, and be loving to your family. Do I mean don't work hard, no, hard work is one of the things that makes us stronger, and responsible. Just don't let it over take your entire being.

Your marriage is the number one thing in your life, aside from your kids. If your heart was not in this, you'd have been gone a long time ago. 
even when things seem hopeless, they aren't. Anything is possible. 

So, do you want it?


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## UnhappilyMarriedMan

Thank you Marina

All good guidance. Right now I feel very tired and uninspired with regards to putting in the effort for my marriage and the family. 

I am way too competitive and have let it injure my relationship with my son and wife. I try not to let it interfere with being a good parent but am not very successful.

I feel lost and overwhelmed - and am probably depressed. Self-pity? I hope not.

DM


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## marina72

Well, what is self pity anyway? If you're going to wallow in misery, and not accept responsibility for your life, then I guess it's self pity, but you seem to at least get that part of your unhappiness rests on your own shoulders. And in the end, we choose our own happiness, no one, and nothing can "make" us happy. It's a choice.

What do you mean by competitive? What exactly are you referring to? And how does it ruin your relationship with your son and wife?


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## UnhappilyMarriedMan

I push too hard...verbally and publically chastise my son - not for performance, but for technique and mental approach - either way, it's not good and abusive. I realize that. I often think that they would be better off without me in the house and at the games/practices.


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## marina72

it's a shame you're going to let the way you approach your son/wife at a sports game, or on family game night, dictate whether or not you leave your family.

You just need to stop doing it. It's that easy. It's not like you're addicted to drugs. You just go overboard with the competetive thing, right? So just quit it.  

Your son will indeed suffer, like you said, if you don't get a grip on your attitude concerning this. And even if your marriage ends. You'll still need to be a Father to your son, and whether his Mom is with you or not, you still can't push him that hard, and embarrass him and humilate him. so that is an issue you will have to work on , regardless of if your marriage makes it or not.

What is stopping you from stopping this? You can if you truly want to. Stop doing what isn't working, and start doing what does work. Just be there for your son, and wish him well. Just encourage him. No good ever came out of a Dad telling his son he didn't do well enough to suit him. 
He'll think you're not proud of him, and it sounds like you're not? 

Just let it go.... just be happy he's playing the game, don't get mad if he doesn't win....


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## moogvo

Think about the time when the two of you met. Think of the attention you gave to each other. As time goes on and we busy up our lives with children, work and other things, we have less and less time with our spouse.

The amount of time you get to spend together is not as important as the quality of the time. Child rearing/discipline practices should be agreed upon and the two of you should be singing from the same hymn book, and on the same page. this will alleviate a LOT of stress.

Think of things the two of you USED to do to have a good time with each other. Really make an effort to re-connect. I answer to this issue almost every time I visit this site; it is not uncommon. our relationships drift apart over time and they become disconnected. Time and again, I find this to be at the root of the problem.

"Love" is NOT truth. It is NOT fact. Love is a feeling, just like anger, happiness and hatred. They are all modular and can be unplugged and replaced with another. They are all the same size and shape.

Love most closely relates to "want". You can interchange those two words and have the same sentence almost every time. So if you examine this situation a bit more closely, then you have 2 possible choices:

1. You WANT to have your family as one unit with Mom and Dad in the same house. the family is together as one unit and the joys of parenting (as well as the challenges) are shared.

2. You WANT to leave the marriage, miss out on your children's lives. Cheat yourself out of the joys of parenting. You WANT to pay child support and drag financial and family baggage along to the next relationship, which invariably ends up the same way.

Look, it isn't easy. NO marriage is EASY, despite how others appear to you. There is ALWAYS a level of work to make anything succeed. Look at it this way... How long would you want your car if you never wash it, leave trash in it and let it go to the dogs? Then, because you don't want it anymore, you sell it to the kid down the street and within days, he has it cleaned and shined up like a new penny. You start having regrets about letting it go before trying to make it right, but it is gone forever.

What about YOU? How desirable would YOU be without any maintenance? What if you quit shaving and having your hair cut. What if you stopped taking a shower and grooming yourself? What if you went around in dirty and wrinkled clothes? How long would YOU be desirable?

the point here is that EVERYTHING becomes undesirable if you don't maintain it and keep it up. Your marriage is no exception.

About the kids... no, children are not to be the glue that holds your marriage together, rather, they should be the inspiration to take the steps to get your marriage back on track.

Children in broken homes, more often than not have low self-esteem, are underachievers in school and have issues with self-control. Even as adults, they will tell you that they wished their family could have stayed together.

if there is a chance to polish this relationship up and to make it shine again, I suggest that you make every effort to do so. You will be surprised at how the desirability of your wife will come back as the luster of a good relationship begins to shine through.

Good Luck!

~Moog


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## TIME

LOVETAKESWORK: I appreciate your comments to unhappilymarriedman, but you cannot sum me or my life up by the little snippet of a view that I wrote. You are wrong about me on all accounts, severely. If you sat down and listened to my life story, you would be amazed, but I do not want to hijack Unhappy's thread here. 

You cannot put people into molds because every story, every life, and every dynamic is different. 

I would never tell someone to just give up on any relationship, but I think it is insane to try and try and try wasting YEARS of peoples lives when there is someone better suited for you out there. I am not broken at all. 

each person knows their own heart, they just have to face what they see.


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## LOVETAKESWORK

Dear Time, I expected just such a response from you and I am sorry that what I said was painful. You need to make some serious changes in your life, take responsibility for your actions, and get some professional help. I am sure some areas of your life are amazing, but by your own admission you have been in an adulteress (if there is another word I should use on here please advise me someone I really don’t mean to offend) relationship for almost two years. Dear one whether you want to admit it or not you are broken, whole people just do not have relationships with married men.


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## TIME

LOVETAKESWORK said:


> Dear Time, I expected just such a response from you and I am sorry that what I said was painful. You need to make some serious changes in your life, take responsibility for your actions, and get some professional help. I am sure some areas of your life are amazing, but by your own admission you have been in an adulteress (if there is another word I should use on here please advise me someone I really don’t mean to offend) relationship for almost two years. Dear one whether you want to admit it or not you are broken, whole people just do not have relationships with married men.


Work, I realize you believe everything you are saying, but just because you counsel people does not make what you say the end all. There is not always just one answer. I will give people my responses on this forum if I feel I can give them a point of view or encouragement that might help them figure things out for themselves, just as you do. I am causing no more damage than you are, or anyone. How will you feel when you find out that you encouraged someone to "stick it out" and they listened to you and kept trying and trying watching years of their life go past unhappy, unfulfilled, unlived?? Every relationship is not fixable. It would be nice but it is not reality. Many times people get together in the first place for the wrong reasons and should never have been together in the first place.

I will say again, I am not broken and if this is how you counsel people, I would run. You should really consider what you say without knowing all the facts. I only comment on what has been shared. I am not an adulteress. I have a friendship with someone who is not yet divorced. There is nothing physical and we do not even talk right now. Feeling love for someone is not wrong, especially someone who is unloved otherwise. Properly done, I wish he would just remove himself from his situation so we could begin a relationship, but until that happens I will still love him in my heart, that does not make me a bad person, the world is lacking love. 

I will seek help as I need it and I will give help if I feel I can help someone. It is not for you to judge. I do not agree with all your advice but you do not see me telling you to go away. People need different points of view to help them see all the possibilities.


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## TIME

UnhappilyMarriedMan said:


> Time and LoveTakesWork -
> 
> Thank you both for your guidance. Two questions:
> 
> 1. How do you know if you are committing self-pity?
> 2. How do you know if your heart is not in the marriage anymore?
> 
> Any and all guidance is greatly appreciated and welcomed.
> 
> Best Regards,
> DM


Unhappy, As I said people must want to change the things that are wrong if the relationship is to become whole again. If you want to save your relationship, you will do whatever it takes to make things better. You will take a hard look at yourself and make changes that will then be noticeable by your wife. Many times when one person changes the other person does too. 

Self-pity is when you do nothing to change things one way or the other and feel sorry for your self. The key is the word WANT. What do you want? 

Only you can know if your heart is still in the marriage. I knew my heart was not in mine. So I took the advice of counselors and tried to make things work. I did things that made me feel totally uncomfortable because I was told if I went though the motions the feelings would come.... well they did not come, and I felt like I betrayed myself. I wasted years trying to do the "right thing"... the right thing by who?? Not the right thing for my life. I knew my heart was not in it, I tried to force it to be in it, then I finally listened to my heart and ended the relationship.

This may not be your case. If you have any desires or feelings left and want to see things restored to their former glory, you deserve to give it all you got. You must follow your heart.


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## LOVETAKESWORK

Dear Time, first I want to sincerely apologize for assuming you were having a physical relationship, I was under this impression by your post and should have inquired further. By most peoples opinions no you are not in a adulteress relationship, but by most professionals opinion you are in a harmful relationship and you are creating conflict and confusion for this married man, what you are doing by your emotional relationship is satisfying needs that his wife should be. This is very easy for you too do this as you do not live with this man and do not mutually deal with the problems of everyday life as his wife does. I am sorry to hear about your failed relationship. I do not know all the details and certainly would not make any judgments concerning it, but from all your posts you communicate much hurt and a great need to be justified for your past decisions as well as your present ones. Again I am not judging you I am sure you have some awesome qualities, but you certainly put a great deal of attention on self. As a spouse, parent, and grandparent I have learned that “True Love” has far more to do with sacrifice than selfishness. I recently attended a memorial service for a dear man I knew, he had lived a good many years, had been married for over 50 years, had children and grandchildren, many friends, and the respect of countless people. The facility was packed and there wasn’t enough time to give everyone who’s life this man touched opportunity to say what was on their heart about how he touched their lives. Although this man had numerous qualities, one stood out above all others “selflessness”! You certainly can ascribe to the idea that marriages were either meant to be or not and love is just an emotional feeling, but time, experience, and the exposure to countless failed and successful relationships have all proved one thing “Loves Takes Work”! Take care dear Time, I certainly do wish you true happiness along your journey.


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## TIME

LOVETAKESWORK said:


> Again I am not judging you I am sure you have some awesome qualities, but you certainly put a great deal of attention on self.


You have judged and what you wrote is a prime example of judging. My entire life has been about the other person. I have sacrificed my own wants, desires, joys for most of my life because I have always put others before myself. While I love people and doing as much as I can to help others, I neglected myself. I went to a counselor and spoke to him and after only one hour of questions and answers he said "it is very clear that the reason you are unhappy is because you never put yourself first. The needs and happiness of others has become your existence, therefore you have ceased to exist yourself."

IF people do not take time to do and feel for themselves, they cease to exist. I will never stop helping people, it is what I do naturally, but I have realized I must also focus on myself equally or I will not be happy. If I am not happy, I cannot be of good use to others. This is how people are they just don't recognize it until its too late.


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## marina72

You both have some really good points. doesn't have to be one or the other, it's both..... ;-)


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## LOVETAKESWORK

Marina, thank you I do agree that we must make healthy choices concerning ourselves as well as others when dealing with relationships. Dear Time, it is my experience that time or effort is never wasted on the matters of love and as long as wisdom and common sense are exercised one has nothing to fear by working at a relationship. In all my years, I am nothing less than the benefactor of all my relationships where I have exercised true love. There is so much to learn about love and we will always be in the classroom of life on this matter. I want to be clear here, although I try to promote “true love” in my views, I do not endorse anyone staying in an abusive relationship, I do not endorse co-dependency, but inter-dependency. I do not believe in enabling bad or unhealthy behavior but empowering those we are in relationship with to be all they can be. I also believe with all my heart for marriages to be truly successful both the husband and wife must be working towards the same goal of a happy, whole, fulfilling marriage. With that said, I do believe like in Unhappy’s case that some sacrificial living is required, he will need to take responsibility for his actions (or lack of over the years) and put his own needs on hold for the short-term as he works to bring balance and wholeness to his family. I don’t believe his wife need be a participant in the short-term if she is not ready to be, but I do believe that woman are the stronger typically in marriages and far more sacrificial then their partners and there is a good possibility that Unhappy’s wife will change and respond to her husband as she sees changes in him. Women tend to have almost an inherent quality of forgiveness, tenderness, and nurturing; I truly believe it is part of the Great Creators Devine Plan, as men so need this in their spouses. So I am not branded please know for the record, that I am not a chauvinist but merely appreciate the qualities I have seen in the majority of woman over the years and have nothing less than great respect for woman, especially those that work hard at their marriages and families. Dear Time, I fear I am having the opposite effect on you than my true heart’s desire, I have a daughter, granddaughters, and a sister and from the heart of a father, grandfather, and brother I do not judge you but only wish good things for your life and true happiness. I have strongly encouraged you to reconsider your present situation not because it is against my personal standards, but because I know the harm it is causing you, the man you profess to love, his wife and ultimately his children. Since this is Unhappy’s Thread and we should be here focusing on him I would ask that we stay focused on him from now on. I am really impressed with some of the opinions and feedback on this thread and on these boards and am very grateful that a place like this exists and that there are some wise caring people on here taking time out to post their ideas and thoughts. Wishing everyone joy today and everyday!


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