# Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm?



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

PIV orgasm isn't going to happen, for my wife, without help. I can't pull it off. Maybe I'm not big enough, maybe I'm not long enough, maybe she's too heavy. 5'3" 200 pounds, so yeah, lots to get past. 7.5" x 5.25" so not pornstar material on my part either but workable. 

So looking to try, and I should say SHE is willing and wanting to try, a toy/vibrator that could be used during PIV sex. Any favorites? During oral, no issues with clitoral or g-spot stimulation. The equipment works.

Has anyone considered or tried something like this? https://www.amazon.com/Vibrators-Waterproof-Rechargeable-Stimulator-Vibration/dp/B07GZL12ZG/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8 The reviews are pretty phenomenal, but not too many references for using it during PIV sex. There's also the chance it might work so well solo she'll dump me. :grin2:


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

It's probably nothing to do with you at all. 

Sometimes it's just the female's anatomy, position of clitoris relative to other parts.
That toy looks a little complicated for PIV.

Try Eroscillator or Womanizer.

Hide it. Solo time could become an issue. 
A friend told me that. lol


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> PIV orgasm isn't going to happen, for my wife, without help. I can't pull it off. Maybe I'm not big enough, maybe I'm not long enough, maybe she's too heavy. 5'3" 200 pounds, so yeah, lots to get past. 7.5" x 5.25" so not pornstar material on my part either but workable.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Start small and cheep, then work up to that. Just a basic bullet vibe that you can have against the clitoris during PIV. If that doesn't work then start escalating.

Also consider activities that get her highly stimulated but doesn't take her over the edge. Also try different positions. I have found I can get better penetration from behind and she is laying down for that, not on all fours.

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

aquarius1 said:


> It's probably nothing to do with you at all.
> 
> Sometimes it's just the female's anatomy, position of clitoris relative to other parts.
> That toy looks a little *complicated* for PIV.
> ...


And the Womanizer, which is awesome, isn’t complicated enough to use coupled even without PiV?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

In my experience, the Womanizer doesn't work during PIV. Maybe it's just an individual anatomy (or model) thing, but it was impossible to keep that in the right spot and have sex.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

bobert said:


> In my experience, the Womanizer doesn't work during PIV. Maybe it's just an individual anatomy (or model) thing, but it was impossible to keep that in the right spot and have sex.


That's exactly my concern. We need something (I think? But who am I to say, since so far zero success?) that you put in place and don't have to mess with, because anything that has to be held in place is going to be embarrassing for her. This gadget looks like you put it in place and then go at it. I just wonder how there's room for everything (its bulk plus mine?).


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Does she have awesome orgasms from oral or vibrators now? If she does I think the concentration should be on making them more and more great for her. Like using a teasing system to get her all worked up along the way to an explosion.

Some of us just don’t O from PIV, and in my experience, even if I add a vibe or something and get there that way, that type of O is not as good as just getting one without PIV. Trying to explain this, it basically confuses my body to have so much stimulation at once. So to get there I kind of have to force myself mentally, which is not ideal for me.

She wants the big cannons going off so figure out how to do that without PIV.

I get it, for a long time I wondered what was wrong with me that I don’t O from PIV. After lots of reading and understanding, I finally got it that this is just how I am wired and it won’t matter who, what size **** they have, or what else is added to the mix, it’s just not the way my body works. Once I accepted how my body actually IS I learned how to work with what I’ve got and make all of the awesome different things it CAN do be much better. When you think you are broken or that you must not be doing something right, it prevents you from knowing what you CAN do.

You said in the other thread she’s mostly physically focused (versus intimacy focused) and she wants that mind blowing O. Is it her that is also saying it has to come from PIV? Once I gave up that idea myself I found how to have mind blowing O’s in the ways that suit my body the best. I was with one guy who just couldn’t seem to understand that it was never going to occur just from PIV and it hurt his ego. I finally had to tell him that it was hurting MY ego that he couldn’t accept my body is the way it is and kept trying to compare me to women he had been with who did O from PIV. He did not say out loud that he was comparing me but why else would he be so insistent that it had to happen that way if it wasn’t because of previous partners reactions.

If she’s the one who insists it has to be from PIV then yeah, try that vibe you posted on the thread. I have heard some good things about it. But I already know that even if it “worked” for me in the way you want it to, it still would not be as good as an O without the confusion my body experiences when trying to add a vibe to PIV.

Another suggestion, one which you might not like or she might not, is to add some porn viewing together to your foreplay. I know its not romantic, but the same way porn will get a guys blood flowing quicker happens to women too (if they can be open to it) and that does tend to bring a better O.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Does she have awesome orgasms from oral or vibrators now? If she does I think the concentration should be on making them more and more great for her. Like using a teasing system to get her all worked up along the way to an explosion. *She often, not always, but often has amazing and sometimes multiple orgasms from oral. No real attempts with vibrators yet; she has one, but no inclination to use it. She's extremely inhibited about trying it on her own. She claims she's only masturbated a couple times in her life. Given her track record about truthfulness regarding sex, one might be skeptical, but I believe her on this one. She is really of the belief that great sex, or even pleasurable sex, is something done for her. It feels somehow wrong (immoral?) for her to do it on her own. But her MC is working on this. The MC sees her inability to relax and enjoy her body as a serious issue.*
> 
> Some of us just don’t O from PIV, and in my experience, even if I add a vibe or something and get there that way, that type of O is not as good as just getting one without PIV. Trying to explain this, it basically confuses my body to have so much stimulation at once. So to get there I kind of have to force myself mentally, which is not ideal for me. *I think PIV orgasms, or even pleasurable PIV, without some form of "extra" stimulation, is a virtual impossibility for her. I totally understand what you mean about having to force yourself mentally, and that not being idea. But you don't mind the fact that you can get the O orally, and it doesn't bother you that's just the way it is. It doesn't get in your way of enjoying PIV, even though no O. That does not describe my wife. Her view of PIV is highly tainted by the fact that there's no pleasure, no O, therefor something to avoid. I don't know if it's even possible for me to really explain this well.*
> 
> ...


Thank you for helping with my project. Your experience is real and relevant and well-taken.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

maquiscat said:


> Start small and cheep, then work up to that. Just a basic bullet vibe that you can have against the clitoris during PIV. If that doesn't work then start escalating.
> 
> Also consider activities that get her highly stimulated but doesn't take her over the edge. Also try different positions. I have found I can get better penetration from behind and she is laying down for that, not on all fours.
> 
> Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk


We have tried the basics, and pretty much nothing there for her. I think so much of it is total embarrassment on her part for having to take command of something that basically is assisted masturbation. I have tried to get her to work on the area digitally, while I'm doing oral on her, and she just doesn't like the feel of it. 

That's why I'm thinking something that's set in place, especially if it's something where the feeling is change/enhanced because of things that I'm doing (movements), could be the key. This thing is only $50 so not that big an investment.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ok are you saying that PIV itself literally doesn’t feel good to her? Or is it that it’s just not going to cause an O? 

It’s different for different women, of course. I had a friend one time tell me that she basically doesn’t really feel anything from PIV. That was confusing to me because I get incredible enjoyment from the feeling of my man inside of me, even though it will not lead to a clitoral O. It’s a separate feeling all it’s own, nothing else is like it, and I love it even better than the type of stimulation it takes to make me O. So my friend was saying that if she gets clit stimulation at the same time, either by being on top and grinding down on him or if she’s on her back he would use his thumb on her clit, this was how she could O best. So it really wasn’t the PIV at all that got her there it was only the clit stimulation.

Until your wife figures her own body and body/mind connection out, nothing you can do will change anything. She won’t be able to work through it all unless she’s actually open to what her body is truly capable of and what it isn’t.

As for the porn, there is a site called Pornographic Love. It’s by a couple who do their own porn. It does cost money but you can get just a month for a fair price. It is very sensual, erotic, but also very graphic (without being gross). I think there are some clips you can watch for free. Maybe check it out yourself. It may not be a good idea, if your wife is insecure about her body already it may make her uncomfortable to see the slim beautiful woman on the site. But basically what I’m saying is that for some women, the blood will start flowing in response even though she may not feel she is enjoying watching it. It would take a bit of a slow introduction. But again if it will just make her insecure don’t go this route.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Actually I just looked for the site and it seems they have taken it down. Sorry, that’s a dead end.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ok are you saying that PIV itself literally doesn’t feel good to her? Or is it that it’s just not going to cause an O?
> 
> It’s different for different women, of course. *I had a friend one time tell me that she basically doesn’t really feel anything from PIV. *That was confusing to me because I get incredible enjoyment from the feeling of my man inside of me, even though it will not lead to a clitoral O. It’s a separate feeling all it’s own, nothing else is like it, and I love it even better than the type of stimulation it takes to make me O. So my friend was saying that if she gets clit stimulation at the same time, either by being on top and grinding down on him or if she’s on her back he would use his thumb on her clit, this was how she could O best. So it really wasn’t the PIV at all that got her there it was only the clit stimulation.
> 
> ...


The bolded section could have been quoted verbatim from my wife. She might have added "It doesn't do anything for me." And she doesn't get why it hurts so badly to hear that. So, frankly, I'm embarking on a journey to try and prove Pavlov right. First step is oral O. Got that down good. Second step is assisted O during PIV using toys. Third step would be PIV O. Frankly, I don't even want to consider the third step possible, or necessary.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Casual, can you get her off with your hands or fingers only?


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Casual, can you get her off with your hands or fingers only?


Yes. She prefers that I finish with the tongue though. Sometimes it takes both to finish. She's realizing how much of it has to do with her voluntarily putting herself in the right frame of mind. Tonight, something interesting. Said that she was imagining it was not a finger inside. That might be progress. She is still so embarrassed about doing anything for herself; says why would you expect it would be easy for a 62 year old to change. I think, if we had a few days to ourselves, without the kids around, maybe we could get somewhere. Kids. Hardly. 26 & 31 years old, living at home because in this area, they can't afford the rent. It does create some issues, because my wife has the potential to be a bit vocal (almost a screamer?) and having to hold back on that can't be helping.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

*My recommendation on vibrators would be to start SIMPLE!*

If you get one that sucks, vibrates, has all sorts of different modes, bells, whistles, and does a laser light show with LEDs.... it will feel unnatural and distracting, perhaps so much so that it will even be upsetting when she struggles not to disappoint you for trying something new. And the last thing you want is one that starts doing an encore for a rock concert in full force that you have to read the manual just to try and figure out how to get the darn thing to just STOP! (Usually requires pressing and holding the power button continuously for a few seconds by the way and that it not easy when lube is all over the place, trust me!)

TOO SMALL IS BAD. Don't get something too small or it can't easily be held in the right spot during couple's play. If it does have to be held in place, not only will that be distracting, but your hands will get vibrated as well.

TOO BIG IS BAD. Something big, as in something that plugs into the wall like a hitachi wand generally works. But the large size of those has an obvious presence during couples play that can be distracting.

TOO HARD IS BAD. Something solid can work, but the room temperature of these devices can prove to be a menace if they are too cold. A solid device can feel like and ice cube unless it is preheated (some folks like that actually).

TOO SOFT IS BAD. Something too soft may be too flimsy. There are moments when you might need a little extra pressure here or there and something too soft will be like working with a limp spaghetti noodle. 

You should feel like Goldilocks and the Three Bears when your shopping! You'll need to find one that is just right. I also strongly suggest doing this with your wife. Also allow her to try the toy first on her own and then decide if she thinks it will work OK for using it together as a couple. 



Cheers,
Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> We have tried the basics, and pretty much nothing there for her. I think so much of it is total embarrassment on her part for having to take command of something that basically is assisted masturbation. I have tried to get her to work on the area digitally, while I'm doing oral on her, and she just doesn't like the feel of it.
> 
> That's why I'm thinking something that's set in place, especially if it's something where the feeling is change/enhanced because of things that I'm doing (movements), could be the key. This thing is only $50 so not that big an investment.


 @Casual Observer If you have already tried the basics, you need to remember that the primary area for a woman that can give her the most powerful and meaningful experiences is her mind! Some women can orgasm via thought alone, although some physical stimulation added to that is always great. 

Also the older the body gets, the less important physical stimulation becomes (less hormones available in the body) and the more important it becomes to connect with her in her mind. 

So you need to get into what things a woman finds mentally stimulating.... and the number one thing in that category is her feeling very confident about pleasing you and twisting you brain into a pretzel. So you need to provide her with some of THAT stimulation. This is why women love it when a man talks dirty. It has to be something that is natural and genuine feedback about what she is doing to you, so that she can really enjoy toying with you. Her brain is a cat, your brain is a mouse, and your penis is the PS4 joystick that she will use to try and chase your brain around until she is ready to catch you and pounce. Now when you are playing, she needs a high resolution screen with great graphics. She will enjoy staring into your eyes, but the key to really stimulating her brain is likely going to be sound. 

Imagine playing a game with no sound? 

Best sex in my house is when the wife and I are home alone. We vary rarely use toys and if and when we do it is because I exploded too soon and she is not yet done. I sometimes worry the neighbors can hear us! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Casual Observer said:


> Yes. She prefers that I finish with the tongue though. Sometimes it takes both to finish. She's realizing how much of it has to do with her voluntarily putting herself in the right frame of mind. Tonight, something interesting. Said that she was imagining it was not a finger inside. That might be progress. She is still so embarrassed about doing anything for herself; says why would you expect it would be easy for a 62 year old to change. I think, if we had a few days to ourselves, without the kids around, maybe we could get somewhere. Kids. Hardly. 26 & 31 years old, living at home because in this area, they can't afford the rent. It does create some issues, because my wife has the potential to be a bit vocal (almost a screamer?) and having to hold back on that can't be helping.


So have you tried rubbing her clit with your thumb during PIV? She’s on her back and you stand beside the bed so you can use your thumb at the same time? Maybe try this just to see how it feels, not necessarily to get her to O yet.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Lots of people like lots of different things, and different body shapes make different things work. 

Large vibrators can be easier to maneuver during PIV because they don't need to be positioned as accurately. For us, my wife lying flat face down on the bed, me lying on top and reaching underneath to hold a hitachi against her works extremely well for her. (or did back when we actually had sex :-( )


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> So have you tried rubbing her clit with your thumb during PIV? She’s on her back and you stand beside the bed so you can use your thumb at the same time? Maybe try this just to see how it feels, not necessarily to get her to O yet.


Yes, tried that many times. She considers it distracting/annoying at that time. I did order a toy that can stay in place during PIV as well as solo. Hoping that she can get comfortable with the idea of going solo, learning what it can do, and moving on to using it during PIV. 

Thumb, fingers, they work best to get her started. Stroking over panties often works well. Then circling her entrance with one finger, lightly, during oral, brings her to the next level. So fingers and thumbs do have a purpose. Just not yet during PIV.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> Yes, tried that many times. She considers it distracting/annoying at that time.


In my opinion you may be dealing with an emotional barrier. Is this something that mostly you want? If it is something she wants, she would have tried that with her own fingers. Has she done that and also failed? 

If not, that is something for you to think about. 

This looks to me that when your penis is inside of her, that her focus is all about you and she stops allowing herself to enjoy anything. If she is coerced into enjoying herself while she is focusing on you, nothing is going to work and if it does it could be emotionally unsettling for her. 

My opinion...

Badsanta


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

badsanta said:


> In my opinion you may be dealing with an emotional barrier. Is this something that mostly you want? If it is something she wants, she would have tried that with her own fingers. Has she done that and also failed?
> 
> If not, that is something for you to think about.
> 
> ...


Agreed it's an emotional barrier. Like I said, her equipment works. That she doesn't let it work is an upstairs issue, not downstairs. And upstairs it's emotional reasoning that's suppressing her ability to experience self-pleasure or specific things as pleasurable, or at least not objectionable.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> Agreed it's an emotional barrier. Like I said, her equipment works. That she doesn't let it work is an upstairs issue, not downstairs. And upstairs it's emotional reasoning that's suppressing her ability to experience self-pleasure or specific things as pleasurable, or at least not objectionable.


Even if we both agree, keep in mind we are just two guys with a theory about a woman. Based on my track record alone, it is now probably safer to assume that this theory is wrong.

However there is some value in trying to test our theory to better understand why it is we are wrong. So how would you go about doing that? Ideally since it is emotional it may be as simple as asking her about it. Here are a few questions to try...

1) Ask her if she feels you are easy or difficult to please?
2) Ask her if she feels that when you please her if it is easy or difficult for you?
3) Ask her if she enjoys more being pleased or knowing that you enjoy pleasing her?
4) Ask her if she thinks you enjoy more being pleased or you knowing she enjoys pleasing you?

In my opinion no one is ever easy to please, but it is often the challenge trying to please someone that is the enjoyable part because that is where you learn new things about one another. Even when things fail you still learn something new through that failure, and that in and of itself is a positive thing that helps bring the two of you closer. 

If my calculations are correct, that conversation will end in a big fight and a cancelled order for whatever toys where in your online shopping cart. At least that is par for the course in my house! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I like the We-Vibe. I find there are some positions that it keeps in place well during PIV and can give strong Orgasms. I don't usually orgasm from PIV alone. One position with the We-Vibe that really helps me is the we-vibe in me face down. I also like it when he inserts the we vibe and we have foreplay then we proceed to PIV. It gives me a head start but the most exquisite feeling is during PIV with the vibe. Better than solo.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

Eroscillator works for my wife every time, get the soft, white larger attachment for it. A small simple silver bullet vib works too, don't get anything smaller. 
She has a Magic Wand that works, but she says it is like using a jack hammer, lots of strong vibrations, but might be too much for some women.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Casual Observer said:


> PIV orgasm isn't going to happen, for my wife, without help. I can't pull it off. Maybe I'm not big enough, maybe I'm not long enough, maybe she's too heavy. 5'3" 200 pounds, so yeah, lots to get past. 7.5" x 5.25" so not pornstar material on my part either but workable.
> 
> So looking to try, and I should say SHE is willing and wanting to try, a toy/vibrator that could be used during PIV sex. Any favorites? During oral, no issues with clitoral or g-spot stimulation. The equipment works.
> 
> Has anyone considered or tried something like this? https://www.amazon.com/Vibrators-Wa...07GZL12ZG/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8 The reviews are pretty phenomenal, but not too many references for using it during PIV sex. There's also the chance it might work so well solo she'll dump me.


When she is excited while engaging in PIV sex press your pubic bone (or that fat pillow there) against her clit and continue pumping normally (the only positions that I know of where O happens like this for a womam are missionary and she on top) and Im sure you P will reach just the area inside her that is behind her clit while your pubic bone will stimulate her. She will orgasm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe you dont get it right on the first time, but trust me.

Your pubic bone is the best stimulation she will need. Using vibrators often make the area less sensitive, wich would make a natural orgasm happening a bit harder.

Good luck!!!!!!!!!


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

moon7 said:


> When she is excited while engaging in PIV sex press your pubic bone (or that fat pillow there) against her clit and continue pumping normally (the only positions that I know of where O happens like this for a womam are missionary and she on top) and Im sure you P will reach just the area inside her that is behind her clit while your pubic bone will stimulate her. She will orgasm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe you dont get it right on the first time, but trust me.
> 
> Your pubic bone is the best stimulation she will need. Using vibrators often make the area less sensitive, wich would make a natural orgasm happening a bit harder.
> 
> Good luck!!!!!!!!!


If only it were so simple. Yes, I have tried that, telling her that was what we were trying to do, and otherwise, thinking maybe she could be surprised and notice something. It's possible that, for woman on top, her weight is an issue; too much "cushion" to get to the pubic bones, and if you really try to get there, you're moving things out of the way and causing some distress doing so. At the very least it's something noticed.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Most women can only orgasm a certain way and in limited positions at certain times. That’s the reality. I can never have a vaginal orgasm, only cliteral (not sure if that’s even a word). I can only orgasm during vaginal penetration when his body rubs against my clit when he thrusts.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> I like the We-Vibe. I find there are some positions that it keeps in place well during PIV and can give strong Orgasms. I don't usually orgasm from PIV alone. One position with the We-Vibe that really helps me is the we-vibe in me face down. I also like it when he inserts the we vibe and we have foreplay then we proceed to PIV. It gives me a head start but the most exquisite feeling is during PIV with the vibe. Better than solo.




What we vibe do you use?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Why not try one of those penis rings that vibrates, it’s suppose to hit the clit. There’s a lot Of different ones out there.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Casual Observer said:


> moon7 said:
> 
> 
> > When she is excited while engaging in PIV sex press your pubic bone (or that fat pillow there) against her clit and continue pumping normally (the only positions that I know of where O happens like this for a womam are missionary and she on top) and Im sure you P will reach just the area inside her that is behind her clit while your pubic bone will stimulate her. She will orgasm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe you dont get it right on the first time, but trust me.
> ...


I shouldnt say this, but: maybe check lesbian porn to see how they use their pubic bone against one another may help a bit??? (Moderator: If this comment about porn is agains any forum rule,please exclude it, but dont exclude me 🙂 )

Ps: i dont mean the pubic bone itself,because if youre both too skinny (without that fat over there) the pubic bone may hurt her instead of feeling good. Me and hubby arent overweight, so idk the dynamics when too much cuchion is involved, but being pregnant proved harder to reach the area. Sorry.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> Most women can only orgasm a certain way and in limited positions at certain times. That’s the reality. I can never have a vaginal orgasm, only cliteral (not sure if that’s even a word). I can only orgasm during vaginal penetration when his body rubs against my clit when he thrusts.


Thiiiss!!!!!!!! ^^^ True.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> Most women can only orgasm a certain way and in limited positions at certain times. That’s the reality. I can never have a vaginal orgasm, only cliteral (not sure if that’s even a word). I can only orgasm during vaginal penetration when his body rubs against my clit when he thrusts.



There is one other possibility...

Nipple/breast orgasms! 


https://www.huffpost.com/entry/breast-orgasm_b_1871581

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/q-and-a/a29915/sex-talk-realness-nipple-only-orgasms/

https://www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/nipple-orgasm#how-does-it-feel

...because the nerves used to accomplished this are connected directly with the clitoral region of the brain, some women may not even realize what is happening. Your rubbing up here, but they feel it down there! 

Just saying, don't ignore the ladies! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> What we vibe do you use?




We-vibe sync.

As far as the vibrating penis ring we have tried a few toys that just doesn't do it for me. There maybe a ring that's good but i like the vibe because it hits the clit and the gspot and stays in place *with some positions*

I really don't orgasm PIV without additional help. And when I do it's not nearly as strong as the vibe. 

The vibe we have is adjustable in width so it snugs up. The penis then pushes it up against your gspot which increases the sensation the clit feels.


And to bad santa. *ugh*. While I'm sure so women somewhere orgasm by breast alone, I would find the attempt annoying. The OP is talking about a woman who has difficulty orgasms so chances are breast play alone isn't going to do it.

I do agree there are many nerves that are connected to the orgasm centers that when stimulated WITH the main zone can make stronger better orgasms.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

badsanta said:


> There is one other possibility...
> 
> Nipple/breast orgasms!
> 
> ...


Not in my wife's case; the double radical mastectomy removed all sense of feeling for her. The replacement boobs basically just hold a bra in place and are hard as a rock (now I know why they call them "knockers!"). I am gradually finding areas around the sides that are doing something for her.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> Not in my wife's case; the double radical mastectomy removed all sense of feeling for her. The replacement boobs basically just hold a bra in place and are hard as a rock (now I know why they call them "knockers!"). I am gradually finding areas around the sides that are doing something for her.


Well that could add to the emotional barrier discussed earlier...

I'll share some. My wife does not enjoy positions in which we are not close to one another. Missionary is ideal because we can hug one another and be face to face. Positions like doggy are reserved for when she is not in the mood and she encourages me to be selfish and just enjoy myself. 

A lot of the psychology books i have read suggest that some people struggle with being seen during sex. A documentary I watched interviewed a couple in which the female said it was incredibly awkward during sex if she caught her husband with his eyes open and trying to watch her facial expressions. She insisted her husband keep his eyes closed or look away. 

...my point being is that my wife and I would be the opposite of that. We don't enjoy things unless we can see one another and we are often gazing directly into each other's eyes during climax. 

So if this seems relevant, I would like to suggest the following. Get in a close hug and just use your hands to do all the work. If she struggles to enjoy that knowing that you can see her and her facial expressions, then start telling her all the reasons you love her and enjoy being close to her. Work on her self confidence and expect it to be a process that takes time. Talk about her flaws and how those things have their own special meaning and how you adore them. 

If she can only climax when you are looking away (like busy giving oral), then perhaps that is your clue for what things to work on. Let her know how much you enjoy seeing her and help her to feel confident about that. 

Hope that helps,
Badsanta


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

badsanta said:


> Well that could add to the emotional barrier discussed earlier...
> 
> I'll share some. My wife does not enjoy positions in which we are not close to one another. Missionary is ideal because we can hug one another and be face to face. Positions like doggy are reserved for when she is not in the mood and she encourages me to be selfish and just enjoy myself.
> 
> ...


Good stuff to think about! For me, I really want to be looking into her eyes while making love. I can "have sex" going from the back, but that really doesn't do it for me like it does when I'm looking at her. I want to see the face of the woman I love. Otherwise I feel like I'm just doing something physical. 

And maybe it's entirely opposite for her. Maybe you're onto something; maybe the key to oral is that she can't look into my eyes, I can't look into hers. Maybe it allows her to fantasize. I never thought of it that way. I was too much into how it works for me, maybe I haven't considered how it works for her. 

Of course, I could ask questions about why she'd have to fantasize, why it doesn't work for her, why it's not as spiritual an experience rather than physical maybe. But... why? I love oral on her. And I'm not looking at her then. I wish I could, but I'm not. 

Thank you!


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

*Got the G-spot/Clit toy but "we" don't fit?*

Not sure if I'm doing something wrong or if this is just a bit too much too fast for my wife. The toy we got is virtually identical to that shown in the photo at the top of this thread. It was tough enough figuring out which way it went in, and she's a bit reluctant to place it and like I have a clue about such things? But eventually we got it in place. Played around with the settings a bit; the only one she could live with was the lowest-vibration setting. BUT- she was content to let it sit there, doing its thing, for a few minutes. I was expecting a few seconds and out. 

She's trying. But then "we" tried. It's supposed to work while engaged in PIV. She was not a happy camper. Could not get very far in, at all, and totally lubed up. Too much total circumference. I am not huge, but neither small. I'm from Lake Wobegone; a bit bigger than average, but nobody's really going to notice (5 1/4" circumference) (yes, I measured a while back, just had to know...). I can see where it might be more-easily possible after an oral O, but that would kind of defeat the purpose. She wouldn't need or want more stimulation for a while.

So, any clues out there? Is this normal? Is she supposed to be playing solo with it and getting into it so much that just the thought of using it gets her turned on and, well, enlarged? 

Thanks-


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

*Re: Got the G-spot/Clit toy but "we" don't fit?*



Casual Observer said:


> Not sure if I'm doing something wrong or if this is just a bit too much too fast for my wife. The toy we got is virtually identical to that shown in the photo at the top of this thread. It was tough enough figuring out which way it went in, and she's a bit reluctant to place it and like I have a clue about such things? But eventually we got it in place. Played around with the settings a bit; the only one she could live with was the lowest-vibration setting. BUT- she was content to let it sit there, doing its thing, for a few minutes. I was expecting a few seconds and out.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




So what’s the problem? You don’t fit inside her while that thing is in her?


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

*Re: Got the G-spot/Clit toy but "we" don't fit?*



Girl_power said:


> So what’s the problem? You don’t fit inside her while that thing is in her?


Correct. And the last thing I want to do is anything that might appear forceful/against her desire/painful.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

@Anastasia6 is a good person to talk to about this specific toy I think.


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## maree (Jun 13, 2011)

I think all women are a bit different. I do not orgasm from clitoral stimulation at all. I can only orgasm from PIV in certain positions. I would try the toys people have recommended, try different positions, etc but your wife may just be one of the women who can’t reach that level with PIV sex. My opinion is at least she’s having orgasms there are women who never reach that level.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

maree said:


> I think all women are a bit different. I do not orgasm from clitoral stimulation at all. I can only orgasm from PIV in certain positions. I would try the toys people have recommended, try different positions, etc but your wife may just be one of the women who can’t reach that level with PIV sex. My opinion is at least she’s having orgasms there are women who never reach that level.




I’m curious what positions can you have orgasms In?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

My husband is of average size (to my limited knowledge). Yes it's a tight fit that enhances the experience. I will say there are limited positions it works well for us. The best one for me if reverse missionary? I'm face down of the bed and he enters from behind.

Remember we are very stretchy kids come out that same hole. Ps I've also had a child.

Just a note. For us he inserts it. It's easier and I'm not into solo play. Buttons go out . Plenty of times he'll insert and use it as foreplay. Give me a head start. I can't take oral two days in a row on me. I get sensitive. The second day feels like a cats tongue. I also like to give him oral while I'm chilling. I must not be very good at it cause he can last ages with oral and not long with PIV. So often we have a modified 69 as foreplay. For the the vibe and his finger slightly moving the vibe. Or a butt plug. For him oral. Or kissing and boob play. By giving me a head start I have PIV orgasms more often. Now he isn't a PIV marathoner. So some of the guys on this board might not need to give a head start. 

Another less frequent way to use the vibe... after we had sex extra in two to three days so that every part of my body is tingly. That's like 4 times in 2-3 days each with a good orgasm. Then the we vibe in front and PIA. It activates the last orgasm nerve center and makes for some really strong orgasms.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sorry I should have added the toy we have is slimmish and adjustable so you can adjust it snug against me after inserted. It's the reason we bought the sync. We don't use our phones but my husband didn't buy the cheaper one because it wasn't adjustable.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

maree said:


> I think all women are a bit different. I do not orgasm from clitoral stimulation at all. I can only orgasm from PIV in certain positions. I would try the toys people have recommended, try different positions, etc but your wife may just be one of the women who can’t reach that level with PIV sex. My opinion is at least she’s having orgasms there are women who never reach that level.


This is absolutely true. She/we is/are fortunate that she can reach some rather massively-intense and pleasurable orgasms through oral. She is not lacking of all sexual passion. The equipment can work, when she allows it to, for oral. 



Anastasia6 said:


> My husband is of average size (to my limited knowledge). Yes it's a tight fit that enhances the experience. I will say there are limited positions it works well for us. The best one for me if reverse missionary? I'm face down of the bed and he enters from behind.
> 
> Remember we are very stretchy kids come out that same hole. Ps I've also had a child.
> 
> ...





Anastasia6 said:


> Sorry I should have added the toy we have is slimmish and adjustable so you can adjust it snug against me after inserted. It's the reason we bought the sync. We don't use our phones but my husband didn't buy the cheaper one because it wasn't adjustable.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


This is good stuff to know. If in fact the part that goes into the vagina is fairly thin, that would make a significant difference. The fact that it apparently can be shaped is important too. I also appreciate that you respond similarly to my wife; she usually cannot take too much too soon either. The sequence a few days ago, back-to-back evenings of success, was unusual. She'd normally describe a too-soon effort almost exactly the way you did. Like a cat's tongue.

I'm not sure how long I'd last if everything was working correctly, since the vibrations affect both partners, and there's the added excitement of what's going on as well. Whether a tight fit enhances the experience for her is tough to say. She is not small, I'd say normal, except afterwards, if she's had an O through oral, she becomes rather large/voluminous and there'd be no issue for both myself and a toy... but of course, the point is for her to O using the toy and me. Thank you for helping with the mechanics of a rather embarrassing question on my part. And I'll look into that we-vibe.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

badsanta said:


> There is one other possibility...
> 
> Nipple/breast orgasms!
> 
> ...


I would call this an orgasm assist - maybe there are women out there who get so excited they actually orgasm with nipple stimulation but I would think it would mostly be an assist. I know it put me in overdrive. For that reason, it's not a place to start with heavy stimulation but something to work up to - mine are really sensitive - basically what I imagine would equate to a guy having a mouth put on his d*ck.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Casual Observer said:


> Not in my wife's case; the double radical mastectomy removed all sense of feeling for her. The replacement boobs basically just hold a bra in place and are hard as a rock (now I know why they call them "knockers!"). I am gradually finding areas around the sides that are doing something for her.


This guy is my damn hero - thank you for your post. I have not had any such surgery but have a huge fear that if I ever did, that my husband would have nothing to do with me any more. I've never heard anyone discuss post-surgical sex so I really only had my lousy imagination to feed my brain on this.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

happiness27 said:


> This guy is my damn hero - thank you for your post. I have not had any such surgery but have a huge fear that if I ever did, that my husband would have nothing to do with me any more. I've never heard anyone discuss post-surgical sex so I really only had my lousy imagination to feed my brain on this.


He wouldn't have any issues. Love you more.

DW and I, she's had the same, and reconstructive surgery was not completed because she acquired an infection that scared us, no cause to go back under the knife.

And she's my love, we have sex all the time.

❤❤❤


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

*Re: Got the G-spot/Clit toy but "we" don't fit?*



Casual Observer said:


> Not sure if I'm doing something wrong or if this is just a bit too much too fast for my wife. The toy we got is virtually identical to that shown in the photo at the top of this thread. It was tough enough figuring out which way it went in, and she's a bit reluctant to place it and like I have a clue about such things? But eventually we got it in place. Played around with the settings a bit; the only one she could live with was the lowest-vibration setting. BUT- she was content to let it sit there, doing its thing, for a few minutes. I was expecting a few seconds and out.
> 
> She's trying. But then "we" tried. It's supposed to work while engaged in PIV. She was not a happy camper. Could not get very far in, at all, and totally lubed up. Too much total circumference. I am not huge, but neither small. I'm from Lake Wobegone; a bit bigger than average, but nobody's really going to notice (5 1/4" circumference) (yes, I measured a while back, just had to know...). I can see where it might be more-easily possible after an oral O, but that would kind of defeat the purpose. She wouldn't need or want more stimulation for a while.
> 
> ...


I've tried toys on many occasions and I just don't like the feel of them. They feel foreign, overly hard, overly stimulating and I spend so much time trying to keep them in place because everything is so slippery. 

The vibrating is so-so to me. 

On your questions - I mean, you know your wife best - but I can say that, for me, I'd be embarrassed if my husband was quizzing me on a toy. I'd want him to leave me alone and let me decide whether to explore solo with it or not.

A ton of stuff with me goes on in my head so these external things are not the major trip to the trigger. I try to explain to my husband that where he gets more excited by physical stimulation - I get more excited by mental stimulation. It's a long bridge to navigate when one is trying to understand the other. To me, and probably to him, the physical stimulation model is easier. The mental stimulation is more difficult. Whether this is any given woman's thing or not, (think 50 Shades...), romance novels are popular among women for a reason. And they aren't "romantic" - they are basically dirty books for women...scenarios women find erotic.

Becoming an erotic sex partner is really more of the goal - than going from the viewpoint of being a guy who gets off on physical stimulation. Yes, physical does matter - but that attitude during sex is what really causes the explosions...TO ME. 

My husband isn't an imaginative storyteller but I dearly wish he could just let loose and try. We're working on it. 

Like just grabbing me fully clothed or partially undressed in the bedroom and turning me around away from him, wrapping his muscular arms against mine to sort of take control and saying, lustily:

"You beautiful *****, it's your fault I had to walk around with a half chub all day thinking about how you sucked me off last night...don't even try to wiggle out of this because I want that gushing ***** and hard clit up over my c*ck right now... but I'm gonna make you wait for it while I hump your plump tight ass just like this for a minute. Are you sorry you sucked me off so good now? Huh, *****?"

Something like that or any number of any other possible ideas...depends on couple and what they like to say or hear. That would launch me from zero to a level 5 pretty fast.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> He wouldn't.
> 
> DW and I, she's had the same, and reconstructive surgery was not completed because she acquired an infection that scared us, no cause to go back under the knife.
> 
> ...


You have no idea how important that is to hear. Again, my biggest fear...I didn't know that husbands and wives post surgery still would be interested in having sex - I thought the deformity would turn a guy off so badly that he wouldn't want to. Just my imagination, I realize now.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

happiness27 said:


> This guy is my damn hero - thank you for your post. I have not had any such surgery but have a huge fear that if I ever did, that my husband would have nothing to do with me any more. I've never heard anyone discuss post-surgical sex so I really only had my lousy imagination to feed my brain on this.


I think fears are greatly overblown, and the fears themselves drive many of the problems. I cannot imagine a great, or even a pretty good marriage, that falls apart sexually because of breast surgery. Such marriages likely had problems, possibly hidden problems, beforehand. 

But here's the thing. Sometimes you don't know about an issue until life throws you a curveball. If you're comfortable with it, I'd suggest having "that" discussion. The one about privacy and boundaries and just in general whether there are things that are building up steam behind the scenes that could come to the surface during stressful times. How are we doing, really? My wife and I never seriously asked those questions of each other, and, had I asked that of my wife, I would have discovered down the road that she hadn't been honest with her answers. I didn't have a clue about the privacy and boundary differences between the two of us.

So, this could be your wake-up call, time to do a full physical on your marriage. This should probably be a separate thread, the marriage check-up thing. How to uncover the hidden problems and how to deal with issues you would rather stay hidden but shouldn't be. How a "perfect" marriage might be built on quicksand. 

Also- I believe that way too much emphasis is put on hormones and a couple's, particularly the wife's, engagement and enjoyment of intimacy & sex in particular. That was my wife's excuse until I let it not be. And then suddenly she became rather wildly responsive (oral, not PIV). I think hormone issues may affect spontaneous sexual desire on the woman's part but not so much responsive.

Make a pact. Write something down, both of you, that each of your recognizes the importance of sexual intimacy in your marriage, that each of you understands that failure in that regard could lead to the end of the marriage, and that you will look back upon this document frequently and reaffirm its importance. Something where either of you couldn't "fail" without understanding it's an actual failure, and that effort is required. If that makes sense. Do as I say, not as I've done.



Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> He wouldn't.
> 
> DW and I, she's had the same, and reconstructive surgery was not completed because she acquired an infection that scared us, no cause to go back under the knife.
> 
> ...


I think there ought to be a place for husbands to gather whose wives have gone through disfiguring surgery (a terrible way to put it; that sounds so negative, and I don't want my wife to think of herself that way) and discuss how if anything, they love their wives even more, that sex is possibly even-better than before because they're now bonding on an emotional level that previously didn't exist.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> I think fears are greatly overblown, and the fears themselves drive many of the problems. I cannot imagine a great, or even a pretty good marriage, that falls apart sexually because of breast surgery. Such marriages likely had problems, possibly hidden problems, beforehand.
> 
> But here's the thing. Sometimes you don't know about an issue until life throws you a curveball. If you're comfortable with it, I'd suggest having "that" discussion. The one about privacy and boundaries and just in general whether there are things that are building up steam behind the scenes that could come to the surface during stressful times. How are we doing, really? My wife and I never seriously asked those questions of each other, and, had I asked that of my wife, I would have discovered down the road that she hadn't been honest with her answers. I didn't have a clue about the privacy and boundary differences between the two of us.
> 
> ...


Very well said.

One doesn't know how much one cares for their spouse as a whole person until this kind of bridge is crossed as a couple.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Highly doubt your **** is the issue from a size POV - unless your length is too long. Most guys are worried that the length is too short. However, at 7.5" of length (insertable?), you may not be able to utilize the advantage of clitoral stimulation via contact with your pubic bone and fat pad. Maybe try the CAT? Length wise, you should be able to look for zones inside the vagina if she had them. You can try missionary with a pillow or 2 under her ass and see if changing her pelvic angle helps.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Highly doubt your **** is the issue from a size POV - unless your length is too long. Most guys are worried that the length is too short. However, at 7.5" of length (insertable?), you may not be able to utilize the advantage of clitoral stimulation via contact with your pubic bone and fat pad. Maybe try the CAT? Length wise, you should be able to look for zones inside the vagina if she had them. You can try missionary with a pillow or 2 under her ass and see if changing her pelvic angle helps.


Interesting point suggesting that length could be an issue for grinding. Had not considered that. Interior length is variable, if that make sense, so there are times it would be an issue and times it would not be. CAT so far has not worked partly due to an angle issue; using CAT, if I'm executing correctly, the guy needs to shift forward/up) and that causes her a bit of pain as things get pushed around. Causes me to get kind of bent downward? Which is fine for me but puts pressure on her that's not comfortable.

Added: The "zones" inside the vagina are a tough one because they require a LOT of pressure, digitally, to activate. More pressure than I could possibly get with my equipment. I have tried angling things to try and target the spot closest to the front, about 1.5 inches in, across the top, but get no response. Like I said, she needs lots of pressure. Always has.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

*PIV sex toy update*

So the sucking clitoral stimulator arrived, and didn't do much for her. The flip side is that she actually seemed to tolerate it for a bit, which is more than can be said for the dual g-spot/clittoral vibrator. I'm hoping that she can find some quiet time to do some exploring on her own, and find out what might work. She's still really private about it, at least I'm hoping it's a privacy thing and not something else. If she can find a way to "make it happen" with one of these gadgets, the likelihood is that she's not going to be in control of the gadget during PIV. That will have to be my job, due to embarrassment or whatever it is. But I'm flying blind, and without her believing it can work, I doubt that anything I help with (holding and/or controlling it) will be helpful.


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