# "Get a load of this"



## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Married 3 yrs and together 13 yrs. Two children ages 2 and 8. I was a verbally abusive husband at times. No excuses but also was open and very loving. My wife who is extremely attractive and successful. She asked for a separation 10 months back after we had gone thru hard times. She was spending alot of time at her mothers house and unusual amount of time with a 21 yr old kid and his family with our kids who lived across the street from her parents. I did all the wrong things. Begged, cried, and told her all the regrets and deep hurt I felt since she had left and that I loved her and wanted to keep our family together. I took couples therapy alone cause she was unwilling. Almost 9 months separated she confirmed she was in love with the 21 yr old kid and wants to file ( thought she hasn't). She said they had kept their relationship a secret for months even tho I had asked her several times if she had feelings for him. My wife is 32 and I'm 34. I find losing her extremely difficult and I really love her and was willing and still willing to forgive her and try to save our marriage and 13 yr relationship. I had told her that I will forgive her and that the kid..( who also has a 3 yr old) is a mistake and she would regret it. I don't know if she is truly in love or its some kind of mid life crisis. She simply responded with " if he and I don't work I will come back to you". I never responded to that even though she has said it at least 5 times. I was not perfect and she was damn close before her affair. I miss her and I seem like nothing to her. She said he makes her happy. I just like hearing people thoughts on how to handle losing someone they love so much. I'm lost and broken right now. I moved 2 hrs away. Share regular custody of our kids. She lives at our family home and already took our pics off the wall. It's sad.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

So you are still married? Why?


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I moved to my sisters two months ago. I left a good paying job and had to find a job here. Yes we are still married. I have not filed because I thought she would have by now. Apparently in no rush


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I really can't afford to file cause Im trying to move back closer so I can see my kids alot more. I left my last job cause she also worked there and the stress and pain was unbearable


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

Are you here to take some suggestions.? Or you here just to vent.?
0P people give you suggestions actually I don't to come directions because they know what they're talking about. And most people think they know better and yet all they do is prolong their misery. 

So this is a suggestion, file for divorce right now.! Do the 180 do not talk to her about anything other then the kids. OK is there anywhere in these suggestions that you don't understand. Pretty simple right but not easy, that is all you need to do. Anything else is a waste your time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Yes I'm here for suggestions. If it was me giving the advice I would say run and don't look back. But niave as it sounds I still love her deeply and the fact she fell for a 21 yr old kid so hard is shocking. We have two young beautiful kids and its difficult to walk away tho I know I really don't have options. The 180 is what exactly?


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Her multiple time statement " I'll come back to you if he and I don't work" left me confused and insulted.


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> Her multiple time statement " I'll come back to you if he and I don't work" left me confused and insulted.


At least she is honest. This is often the case but most cheaters dont come out and actually TELL YOU that you are plan B.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Yeah it's not really flattering. Specially being a back up to a 21 yr old kid. She's 32. It's crazy.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

The problem is that you don't think you deserve better than this. She is actually not the problem, and I have a feeling that if you look at your marriage with honesty, you'll see she has been treating you like a doormat for a while. This kind of thing is a slow fade, it doesn't happen over night. It's not your fault that she's disgusting...it's your fault if you take her back. I think you deserve way better ...


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

She told me to date when she came clean. I am not ready and focus on my kids and rebuilding myself. She got wind from someone that I had slept with someone back home and immediately power texted and demanded to know who it was and if she knew her. Which was really confusing. Specially considering I hadn't slept with anyone since her on Xmas while visiting our home. Not knowing she was banging JR the whole time.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Why the hell would you want to be that cheating woman's fallback plan? Do you have any self esteem or self respect?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> She told me to date when she came clean. I am not ready and focus on my kids and rebuilding myself. She got wind from someone that I had slept with someone back home and immediately power texted and demanded to know who it was and if she knew her. Which was really confusing. Specially considering I hadn't slept with anyone since her on Xmas while visiting our home. Not knowing she was banging JR the whole time.


I highly recommend you google 'narcissistic personality disorder.' It will blow your mind. Not saying for sure if she is one, but her being allowed to sleep with someone while she's married and then tell you to hang tight and if it doesn't work out, she wants you waiting...but YOU can't sleep with anyone...is SOOOO NARCISSISTIC. 

I pray you look after yourself and your kids, and really end this marriage. But, beware...she will continue her confusing games...for that's what they do. She doesn't want you, but she wants you to want her. She doesn't want you, but doesn't want you to want anyone else. 

Please google that personality disorder, and you'll probably match up other traits to her. Sorry this is happening in your life. But, don't allow it anymore...THAT PART, you can control.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Diedre... That's just it. She was never like this. She was sincerely a great wife. We started having problems when I started going out and partying alot for a couple months. Which I own up to. Soon as I realized we were falling apart I tried everything and changed but it was too late I guess. She turned to a 21 kid and left me like nothing


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Why should *she *file for divorce? She can have her cake and eat it too.

However, *you *should file. Maybe that will wake her up, although I wouldn't stake any money on it.

But I can say that nothing else will.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I agree. She has said she wants me to date. Don't wait for her. She wants to give this boy a chance. Not our marriage obviously. I'm not waiting for her but find everything hard to process. This girl was everything to me even tho I made mistakes. I tried really hard and she admitted I changed. But she was already gone


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I know I should file. I struggle with the reality of the situation every day. She was almost perfect and she became this. I again was a ****y husband but I tried to save us. Plus the humiliation of all our friends and family knowing I got left for a kid 13 yrs younger. I just focus on the kids and I. I thought she was wanting the divorce and in love with him so figured it would be a priority to her unfortunately


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Bandit.. I'm not waiting for her nor being a fall back. I simply am trying to grasp how she could of done this. I guess I'm just trying to let go of the person I loved so much. The person she is now is not the woman I loved. That I know. It's tough


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> Diedre... That's just it. She was never like this. She was sincerely a great wife. We started having problems when I started going out and partying alot for a couple months. Which I own up to. Soon as I realized we were falling apart I tried everything and changed but it was too late I guess. She turned to a 21 kid and left me like nothing


It's not uncommon for people to feel it's their fault why their spouse cheats. You did some wrong things, but then you tried to fix things. If she had checked out, she should have come to you, and asked you for a separation, divorce, etc. She CHOSE this guy. Don't blame yourself.

Praying that you take care of those kids, for they are innocent in this.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> Married 3 yrs and together 13 yrs. Two children ages 2 and 8. I was a verbally abusive husband at times. No excuses but also was open and very loving. My wife who is extremely attractive and successful. She asked for a separation 10 months back after we had gone thru hard times. She was spending alot of time at her mothers house and unusual amount of time with a 21 yr old kid and his family with our kids who lived across the street from her parents. I did all the wrong things. Begged, cried, and told her all the regrets and deep hurt I felt since she had left and that I loved her and wanted to keep our family together. I took couples therapy alone cause she was unwilling. Almost 9 months separated she confirmed she was in love with the 21 yr old kid and wants to file ( thought she hasn't). She said they had kept their relationship a secret for months even tho I had asked her several times if she had feelings for him. My wife is 32 and I'm 34. I find losing her extremely difficult and I really love her and was willing and still willing to forgive her and try to save our marriage and 13 yr relationship. I had told her that I will forgive her and that the kid..( who also has a 3 yr old) is a mistake and she would regret it. I don't know if she is truly in love or its some kind of mid life crisis. She simply responded with " *if he and I don't work I will come back to you"*. I never responded to that even though she has said it at least 5 times. I was not perfect and she was damn close before her affair. I miss her and I seem like nothing to her. She said he makes her happy. I just like hearing people thoughts on how to handle losing someone they love so much. I'm lost and broken right now. I moved 2 hrs away. Share regular custody of our kids. She lives at our family home and already took our pics off the wall. It's sad.


Don't you dare let her back into your life


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

To her she never "cheated". She asked for a separation but obviously she had interest in the 21 yr old at the time she asked. To her it's my fault. She gave me the world and I gave her hell. She is happy with him and I didn't care about her happiness. Some parts I look at her and I agree but I gave everything I could to save us.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I try not to judge by ages. But does a women leaving her husband of 13 yrs and breaking a family with 2 young children for a 21 yr old when she's 32 seem outrageous to anyone? The kid was 13 when we had our daughter for crying out loud


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> I try not to judge by ages. But does a women leaving her husband of 13 yrs and breaking a family with 2 young children for a 21 yr old when she's 32 seem outrageous to anyone? The kid was 13 when we had our daughter for crying out loud


Suppose he was her age, would you feel less offended? What is sadder to me, is that she thinks he loves her. 

When people cheat, and claim they have found true love...my thought is, true love doesn't come in the form of cheating. If you have to cheat to find 'true love,' it most likely isn't true love.

A good guy would respect that your wife is married, and a good woman would respect that she is married. 

I know you're sad. But, you need get out of this, and really put your energy on your kids and moving forward with your own life.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

She's with someone else, believe it, let it sink in, and find your self respect. Begging her to come back will make you look very weak and unattractive. You have to *be* strong and *look* strong. By strong I don't mean abusive or mean. I mean that you can get along and have a good life without her.

File for divorce. When people find out that she left you for a 21 yr old, it will make her look pathetic, not you. Is she going to support him? He will leave her for someone younger when someone better comes around.

Filing D will make you look strong. If she comes back, and if you want her back, you can remarry. Do not speak with her about anything personal, just about things concerning the children.

I know you are broken. Use this time to become a better man, who will never abuse a woman again, whether it is her or someone else. Know that she did not leave you because of the verbal abuse. She stayed all those years and left when she started something with the 21 yr. old.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I agree with you and love your advice. I simply work and take my kids on the wkends. Not much a life outside that for now. They are my priority. My daughter was just told yesterday by my wife and she was devastated. She said she was scared how I was going to take it. Shes 8.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> I agree with you and love your advice. I simply work and take my kids on the wkends. Not much a life outside that for now. They are my priority. My daughter was just told yesterday by my wife and she was devastated. She said she was scared how I was going to take it. Shes 8.


The fact that she would share all of this with an 8 yr old. No offense, your wife is disgusting.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I never wanted to file because I thought I was giving up on my promise. She should have to file to end us. But after reading alot of ur advice I'm taking work off Friday and driving down to file. Taking the first step toward regaining my life and self respect back.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

My daughter knew the fact dad was not around and the boy was all summer made my daughter ask question to me. My wife said that my daughter asked if the kid was her boyfriend and I guess my wife told her what she wanted to know.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Yes she works. She is actually successful and a boss of over 200 employees. Extremely attractive. I haven't called her a ***** or nothing of the sort. Way she sees it is she found someone who treats her and loves her how she wants to be. Mind you I have no clue what 21 yr old kid can pull that off. He's a scrub too. Her master quote of him " he treats my heart like a antidote for cancer ". I would laugh but it's disturbing.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> She told me to date when she came clean. I am not ready and focus on my kids and rebuilding myself. She got wind from someone that I had slept with someone back home and immediately power texted and demanded to know who it was and if she knew her. Which was really confusing. Specially considering I hadn't slept with anyone since her on Xmas while visiting our home. Not knowing she was banging JR the whole time.


she's fishing, and trying to throw you off. If you were unfaithful, she has an excuse; if not you'll be confused. Probably wasn't even a deliberate - just a random throw out there comment - you got off lightly some men get reported as pedophiles or violent abusers under the same basis.

Main thing you got to deal with is that it is totally over. 500BC OVER.

This is your new reality and it's up to you to move forwards.
She's got a young "hip"/fashionable thing, who is in on all the cool and new things; and she is the Older Wiser Respected person. She also no longer has to be the equal in the relationship, as she is now the Queen Bee/Mary Worth which is what so many women dream of being. As long as she has the young nubile servant running around taking care of her needs she doesn't have to be adult with you.

Move on with your life, you are at an awesome age, and if you have a current occupation, are the target for many desireable woman.
Concentrate of keeping kids on track, and making happy in your own life. Forget the archaeology. (she wanted the two things you couldn't give her - her youth and a sense of superiority)


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Yeah I know it's over. Moving on and letting go of the 13 yrs she was great. Kind of like morning a death. I have to deal with it but it takes time regardless whos she become. My kids are always my #1 priority. She is a wonderful mother grant she does some immoral things because of her relationship


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> Yes she works. She is actually successful and a boss of over 200 employees. Extremely attractive. I haven't called her a ***** or nothing of the sort. Way she sees it is she found someone who treats her and loves her how she wants to be. Mind you I have no clue what 21 yr old kid can pull that off. He's a scrub too. Her master quote of him " he treats my heart like a antidote for cancer ". I would laugh but it's disturbing.


Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder...I have a feeling she as shown many signs before, but she also showed enough good signs to convince you that she was a 'good wife and mother.'

If she was concerned about her kids, she wouldn't have shared what she did with her 8 yr old. She sounds sick, to be honest. Narcissists and sociopaths run companies...run countries...they do a lot of things, and 'appear' normal. But, she sounds sick, honestly...to think that she has found love with a 21 yr old ...and to mess up her kids' lives, and share such personal info with an 8 yr old...that sounds like a sick person to me. 

Good luck with this situation.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I agree with you. As far as what she shared with my daughter it was shady. It was last night and she was extremely defensive when I asked what was said. She said my daughter asked her about him because my family up here had talked about him around Thanksgiving time and it must of been something on her mind...yes. That's right. My daughter asked her because of something my family said about him 3-4 months ago. Which is obviously bull****. I'm assuming after my wife came clean to me it was a matter of time before she jammed the boy down my daughters throat. She already takes my 2 yr old son over his families place since the beginning. Nothing I can do to stop it.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Yep. know that one. absolutely sucks. that she is "successful", especially if others think she is attractive - definitely you're unneeded, hence her getting a pet. she going to recreate her new life, watch for her to take control of the family and try to get you out of the picture. definitely "fountain of youth" (the young male, and the "secret girl pals" with the daughter* and queen bee game in play. 

* the female equivalent of the "let's keep this our special secret", the emotive-social link vs the emotive-physical


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Yeah. Seems to be the case. ****y way to end 13 yrs and our family. Specially horrible for our two kids


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

She has stated she is really young still and not wasting life. I cages her for years and felt she missed out on her 20's. I didn't know that meant dating a 21 yr old and hanging out with his young friends. Just crazy to believe


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> Yeah. Seems to be the case. ****y way to end 13 yrs and our family. Specially horrible for our two kids


Yes, but believe it or not, it could be much worse. She could be trying to pull the wool over your eyes and succeeding if you didn't have anyone to help.

At least you know what to do and can get on with your life. If it weren't for your children, I'd say she did you a big favor; they're the ones who will suffer the most, but there's nothing you can do about that other than get as much custody as you can.

I believe there are states where the judge is supposed to take infidelity into account when deciding custody, but unfortunately that is generally used more against men than against women. Still, it is something to consider. 

I assume you are going to talk to a lawyer before filing, so you know what to expect? That would be a very good idea even if it costs you a little money.

You might even be able to get alimony and/or child support, if she makes a lot more money than you do.

(And to anyone who says "but you were against alimony before", yes, I'm against it for the guilty party.)


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Wow, she is fcked up more than my soon to be ex wife! Sorry man, that's just cold what she did to you. You need to get yourself together, start working out, eating healthy, and start taking care of yourself. There are sooo many single and hot women out there to start over with, just like the dead dog said! I'm 34 and consider this the prime of my life! Way better than my 20's, as I make real money and I'm much wiser! And I have no desire to date a girl who 20 years something.... I want a hot ~30 y/o who is in the same stage of life as me and isn't immature!


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I appreciate everyones advice. I hate seeming like a victom considering I partied hard for months leading up to her leaving and I was verbally abusive at times. I know in my heart what she did and doing is despicable but I try my best to take accountability for my part. She claims it was my fault and I did all this. That it wasn't a affair and there was no cheating. But I know better and so does everyone we know. She had said herself had he not been around she would most likely tried to reconcile when I tried my ass off for the past 10 months.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> Yeah I know it's over. Moving on and letting go of the 13 yrs she was great. Kind of like morning a death. I have to deal with it but it takes time regardless whos she become. My kids are always my #1 priority. She is a wonderful mother grant she does some immoral things because of her relationship


If your kids are your #1 priority, why did you move 2 hours away?

Have you ever considered taking full custody of your kids?


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I moved 2 hrs away because that's where my family is. I worked at the same company as my wife and it began to get so stressful that I began to have suicidal thoughts. I left my job and moved. I gave her our home, found a job here, and started to take my sanity back. People can question leaving and I understand. But I did it to get mentally better. Seeing my kids 3 says a wk is horrible. I work and they are my wkends. I'm working on moving close to them by spring. So yes they are #1. They are all I have.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I can't take full custody. Besides loving a 21 yr old and taking my kids around him she is in no way putting them in danger. Immoral yes. Fact is also I wouldnt want to take full custody. She does some immoral choices but my kids love their mother and I know she loves them.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> I appreciate everyones advice. I hate seeming like a victom considering I partied hard for months leading up to her leaving and I was verbally abusive at times. I know in my heart what she did and doing is despicable but I try my best to take accountability for my part. She claims it was my fault and I did all this. That it wasn't a affair and there was no cheating. But I know better and so does everyone we know. She had said herself had he not been around she would most likely tried to reconcile when I tried my ass off for the past 10 months.


Partying like you did, and abusing her was wrong. What she should have done is leave you, divorce you, then find another man. In that order.

I'm not condoning your partying, or even her desire to be wanted and appreciated.

Getting a boyfriend before she is divorced is on her. She had other options.

Have you researched if your state considers adultery in a divorce?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Although you're no saint yourself, your W is hedging her bets that life with an emotionally immature 21 year old is going to be better than with you! She really must like robbing the cradle and changing little boys diapers!

Time for you to move on, my friend! Your W seems to be crazier than a peach orchard sow! I don't know if you two are in the same state, but it's imperative that you consult an attorney and file for D immediately!
*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I'm not sure what infidelity brings to our divorce. I know she claims up and down she didn't see him till after we separated. But she started the separation well after I questioned her intentions with him so it's obvious. Not to mention keeping it secret for months while I tried to save our marriage. She would say let's try but go slowww every 3 wks but say she was done trying without ever having done anything. As recent as December she said give us a few months away from each other than we can try. But was with him the while time. Pretty heart breaking jerking stuff


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Yeah I'm going to contact a lawyer tomorrow. It really is sad. I always thought I could save our marriage but she just changed so drastically. She really was my best friend and always adored me. I never wanted it to end this way. I really loved her


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Gad Zooks........and I thought I had problems.......Cut her loose.....WITH A VENGEANCE!


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> I appreciate everyones advice. I hate seeming like a victom considering I partied hard for months leading up to her leaving and I was verbally abusive at times. I know in my heart what she did and doing is despicable but I try my best to take accountability for my part. She claims it was my fault and I did all this. That it wasn't a affair and there was no cheating. But I know better and so does everyone we know. She had said herself had he not been around she would most likely tried to reconcile when I tried my ass off for the past 10 months.


When her new guy cheats on her (and he will because he has shown that he doesn't respect boundaries in someone's marriage) she will blame him too...


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Other than filing for divorce ASAP. I have nothing to cut loose. She gave up on me long ago and moved on with a mature , lots in common , 21 yr old who's daughter and family she treats as her own. He doesn't have money and a part time under the table job. He's not attractive. It's confusing. He treats her heart like gold and she has never had any one treat her so special. She disowned all our friends and literally told my whole family to **** off. I worry about how the kids will see everything play out. Who knows. Maybe he is prince charming and they will live happily ever after. Least the kids would be OK.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> I appreciate everyones advice. I hate seeming like a victom considering I partied hard for months leading up to her leaving and I was verbally abusive at times. I know in my heart what she did and doing is despicable but I try my best to take accountability for my part. She claims it was my fault and I did all this. That it wasn't a affair and there was no cheating. But I know better and so does everyone we know. She had said herself had he not been around she would most likely tried to reconcile when I tried my ass off for the past 10 months.


Lol.

Yes, you got to be an a..hole. Fancy that the first un-blameless man who acted like an a..hole and is paying the price.

thing is you can't undo it. Real life isn't a computer program or editor. you can only move forward. being the victim won't fix the future, being the insecure guilty guy -really- won't fix the future.

You feel bad? Give this some thought... for all your upbring and education, when did anyone come to you and say we're going to teach you some good coping mechanisms?

It's a very messed up world out there. Some people used to hold tight to religion and that worked for some, some treat the world as predator and prey, some just are determined that as long as they're tougher stronger faster smarter and somehow better than others they'll be "safe". (those last ones are really dangerous).
the real thing is society, cultural, community, are all selling you a line of BS - everyone trying to make it through in their own way.

Damaged people tend to draw to damaged people. Doormats attract people that walk on them. Theives and cons love an honest man.

One thing I will personally guarantee you, that the only change you can make to the past is to try and rewrite it.

Up to you about what you're going to do about your future. You will get hurt, you will get people who don't live up their promise, you too will f... up. You call on how easy to make it, and how much time you spend hitting yourself for the failures.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> Other than filing for divorce ASAP. I have nothing to cut loose. She gave up on me long ago and moved on with a mature , lots in common , 21 yr old who's daughter and family she treats as her own. He doesn't have money and a part time under the table job. He's not attractive. It's confusing. He treats her heart like gold and she has never had any one treat her so special. She disowned all our friends and literally told my whole family to **** off. I worry about how the kids will see everything play out. Who knows. Maybe he is prince charming and they will live happily ever after. Least the kids would be OK.


for many folks who have excess means there is "the pet", "the project", and "the prince".

the pet is friendly tail wagging charming ...often ends up friend zoned.
the project is often the bad boy/girl..needing love, hopefully make life meaningful by helping them get themselves together/ride off in sunset/tropical islands.

the prince is the popular/good looking out of reach one. often a rich or creative type; or occasionally the "correct one" that you're supposed to be after.

So you went from whatever you were, to just a peer. Now she's got a pet. doesn't challenge her, makes her feel young and cool.
she doesn't need other things in her life so "why" shouldn't she jump ship to be there - marriage doesn't mean much in the modern business world.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I agree. But I also feel now is the best time to reflect my part in the marriage failing. To own up to it and not blame her completely tho done some pretty horrible things. I want to learn from it and better myself. Had I been a better husband would she still have left me for another man? I don't know but I do know the next women I fall for I will make sure not to make those same mistakes.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You need to get that lawyer ASAP.
You need to know your options and figure out custody.

I believe your kids aren't safe at all!

The percentages of the moms boyfriend molesting the kids is way higher then a family friend, relative, even a priest.

For what its worth, I personaly think you need to do more as far as be around your kids and your lawyer needs to do as much as he can in keeping this punk away from your kids.

Having her served divorce papers just might save your marriage.

One rule of thumb in this infidelity crap is to make the affair as inconvenient and as uncomfortable as possible.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I don't get why you would want a pet over a family and husband. But that's me. I don't see what future someone could have with such a person. Be part of ur kids lives. It's disturbing


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Haven't read past OP.

Divorce her stupid ass.

Move back into YOUR HOUSE!

She is the dumb as skank banging the kid so let her move in with him.

Nuff said.

Get counseling, improve yourself, 180, 180, 180, 180, 180!!!!

Move on and don't look back.

Start dating again when you feel up to it and enjoy life without her.

She became trash and that was her decision, not yours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Also talk to your lawyer about bringing this punk to court for alienation of affection.

There may be a clause you can have writen up..a moral clause that will prevent this punk around your kids and out of your home.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Granted some of these things ate hard to inforce....but again making this affair as uncomfortable and inconvenient as possible.

I know the pain all to well....but its time to take back control by getting a lawyer and trust me the action you take with your lawyer will bring back some sense of control.

You have been playing right into her hand long enough its time to change that and show her the new reality of her unhealthy choices.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I will simply ask to be bought out.I don't want our family home. I want a fresh start and life with my kids. I will start dating the moment I feel I'm stable in life and my kids as young as they are able to have stability with me in my new life. Making sure my kids see their dad strong and confident again is my goal. I wish my marriage worked and days it hits hard but others I'm excited for the new journey and I have two beautiful kids to enjoy the ride with. I'm not going to lie and say I don't want to see or hear regret from my wife one day. But I hope she finds happiness or I guess keeps it since she is so happy now


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes this is disturbing thats why you need to get off your @ss and stop think your kids are ok!!!!!

This is not the same women that is making healthy choices.....why in the hell do think your kids are ok? I mean if she can't make healthy choices for herself what makes you think she is making them for her kids......you have a stranger watching your kids and that strange is there own mother.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Move back into your home.

Your wife can claim abandonment and that shythead shouldn't be there until the divorce is final and she has bought you out in the divorce.

You are playing this very unwisely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Seeing a lawyer is my first calls from work tomorrow. Time to get started. I didn't want to see it end. Guess it's why I was in such denial it ended long time ago


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Trust me they always have regret...especially in cases like yours.

Years from know she will hate her self....but for now all the parting is numbing her pain.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> I will simply ask to be bought out.I don't want our family home. I want a fresh start and life with my kids. I will start dating the moment I feel I'm stable in life and my kids as young as they are able to have stability with me in my new life. Making sure my kids see their dad strong and confident again is my goal. I wish my marriage worked and days it hits hard but others I'm excited for the new journey and I have two beautiful kids to enjoy the ride with. I'm not going to lie and say I don't want to see or hear regret from my wife one day. But I hope she finds happiness or I guess keeps it since she is so happy now


Moronic crotch monsters are never happy or healthy and shouldn't be trusted with pets, much less children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I'm going to contact a lawyer tomorrow and I understand everything you are saying. I'll obviously tell him everything and ask what all I can do to protect my children.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Peace man and sorry. Go into kick ass mode for your kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

As hard as this is for us it comes a time we have to pull the trigger.

I hope before the D is finalized you can get your family back.

But for now get her served and work out a temp custody.

Hind sight is twenty twenty..but it not to late to change direction and play hard ball and show her new reality.

Face it the crap you have been doing hasn't changed shyt....has it?


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

No I think your absolutely right. It's why I came on here. I was so devastated by her leaving me like this I froze. I let her take control. It's time I take back control. I highly doubt it will save my marriage but it protects my kids and she doesn't run the show anymore. I just thought filing would be as much as a relief to her and was going to let her file.. But I should of took control the moment she chose him and not our marriage.. For that I already wasted valuable time.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Look at it this way....this punk now gets to listen to her complain all the time about getting a lawyer and dealing with the up and coming divorce.

I'm thinking date night won't be as much fun when she was in her fantasy world and the excitement is now gone now that she has to deal with the real world.

BTW be prepared for the sticker shock of retaining a lawyer. Start looking for some financial support until you can get on your feet.
You might have to beg, borrow and sell to get that lawyer.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I work and also have lots of support from family and friends. Financially I think I will be OK as far as a lawyer. I know it's not going to be cheap or a short process


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I always figured that our divorce would make them closer as a shoulder to cry on. But yeah I agree with what you mean.. Either way I don't expect her to stop with him but like you said it will make her come back to the real world for a bit


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She is going to shyt when she gets served...trust me.

She doesnt want to face the reality and that will piss her off now that you are making this real for her.

The way you have been behaving has lead her to think you won't do shyt and she can come back anytime.

Having her served will change her thinking and that will not make her happy.It happens all the time here. The betrayed always think their wayward wants a divoce, but once the wayward gets served shyt hits the fan.

Hell she may even want you back so you withdraw the divorce...and often the wayward is still in the affair the whole time the betrayed thinks they are reconciling.

Get a load of that!!


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I've heard a lot of stories like that. I mean she flat out told me she is going to file. But hasn't happened. I guess why would she rush to file. She has everything already.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Do not tell her you are filing.

The way you have been acting she won't believe you anyway.

Let the action speak louder then your words


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I am actually excited to file now. Gives me a sense of control back. I really hate it's happening but I was left with no other choice but to act and protect my kids and self


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I have no intentions of telling her. Just curious the reaction and text I will receive when she gets served


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She is a classic cake eater.

She got jealous when she though you were seeing someone she will.be pissed when she gets served.

Thats her mind set..we see it here all the time.

Basically you taking controll away from her.

She controlls her work, she controlls her young boytoy and she "thought" she had you controlled.

She will not be happy.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

How far do you live from your house and children?
Can you explain how you visit them for three days a week when you are working full time? Where do you stay when spending time with them? A little more detail on how you are making this work would be helpful.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Wow. This thread is moving pretty quickly.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Haha. I honestly thought she would laugh or be relieved she didn't have to do it. So I didn't. But I totally understand what you mean


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You abandoned the family unit for ...what ten months? The lawyer has his work cut out.

You and me don't see it as abandoning but her lawyer will.

My point is be prepared for the lawyer to tell you to move back in....I could be wrong.

Did you see a doctor or a shrink?

You might beable to counter the abandonment with emotional torture and if you can prove that itight help you case


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

2 hrs from my wife. I work four 10 hr shifts giving fri- Sunday with my kids. We meet half way every Thursday or Friday till Sunday. I stay with my sister in their home with her family and my parents live on a lake 15 min from here as well. I spend time with the kids doing any activity I can find and all my niece's and nephews live up here so they play with my kids regularly.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The most important thing to talk the lawyer about is custody and you is watching the kids on the week night when the punk take your wife out.

So you have your work cut out for you.

But it needs to be done brother.
Granted you cant have your kids full time but you can take back control on how this "stranger" manages her parenting.

She is no longer surrounded by people that have her best interest at heart. So we really dont know what kind of choices she is making as a parent ....who is sleeping with some one so young.

But at least you can get a lawyer to write up an agreement....it will then be up to her to face the consequences if you ever find out the agreement was broken.

In short you need a lawyer just so your wife doesn't make the misstakes she is making with her life with her kids.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

She originally moved out to her parents. I stayed at our home for 7 months. She stayed at her moms cause he lived with his parents across the street. She wouldn't come back. I left and come up here then she moved back. I seen couples therapy alone and a shrink as well.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I agree Guy and I will get the ball rolling tomorrow first thing. I can't tell how much I appreciate the advice and just overall feeling that I'm not hopeless. I have a sense of control and spirit back now.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> She originally moved out to her parents. I stayed at our home for 7 months. She stayed at her moms cause he lived with his parents across the street. She wouldn't come back. I left and come up here then she moved back. I seen couples therapy alone and a shrink as well.



Good, you have some proof as to why you were emotionally un healthy to stay in the marital home.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> I agree Guy and I will get the ball rolling tomorrow first thing. I can't tell how much I appreciate the advice and just overall feeling that I'm not hopeless. I have a sense of control and spirit back now.



Thats why we are here...thats what we do.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you have the money you could take the punk and his parents to court and sue them for alienation of affection.

Now that would surely make this affair very uncomfortable and inconvenient for all of them.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

It's going to be tough battling her thru this. But it has to be done. I really was a door mat for months. Now I can take control back and excited to do it


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I'm definitely going to bring it to my lawyers attention.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What would have the biggest effect....having her served at work or wait for the weekend and have her served when she is parting with all her little friends?


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Chances are you'll end up the easy defacto baby sitter.

But whatever you're doing just work on being the best parent you can for your children - everything else is temporary


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Also talk to the lawyer about mentioning the punks name in the paperwork.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I've heard others suggest you also pay a retainer and have a meeting with the worst meanest lawyers in her area to lock them up so she can't hire them due to a conflict of interest. You don't want her hiring the lawyers that screw husbands


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

TheTruthHurts said:


> I've heard others suggest you also pay a retainer and have a meeting with the worst meanest lawyers in her area to lock them up so she can't hire them due to a conflict of interest. You don't want her hiring the lawyers that screw husbands


I've also heard that you can get into a lot of trouble with the court for doing this. There is a term for it, which I cannot recall. It might actually be illegal.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

the guy said:


> What would have the biggest effect....having her served at work or wait for the weekend and have her served when she is parting with all her little friends?


She got a birthday coming up?


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

I like how you think.:grin2:

Have her served at work OP.



GusPolinski said:


> She got a birthday coming up?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jdawg2015 said:


> I like how you think.:grin2:


Might as well make it a day to remember, right?

:lol: :rofl:


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Near impossible to even do unless you are in a really small town.

But I can't see how it would be possible to prosecute as a person has a right to consult as many lawyers as one wants.



CynthiaDe said:


> I've also heard that you can get into a lot of trouble with the court for doing this. There is a term for it, which I cannot recall. It might actually be illegal.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I plan on her being served at work where her "new" best friend is and supports her new ways


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I also still believe she will hardly be effected by being served. Probably happy and laugh about it. It is after all what she wants. Me gone divorced and her new boyfriend happy. But I'm full steam ahead and meeting with a lawyer tomorrow in our home town.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

She also mind you has no regret or feel at fault for anything. I had it coming in her eyes. She's so happy and living life to the fullest and I deserve what I got. So hard to say how she will respond to the filing. But I know the kids will be OK as long as I stay strong and push forward. She was a wonderful mother and hope she still will be


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Dude. Wake up.

She thought banging a loser and exposing her children to a broken home and her walking dildo were all good ideas.

She is a Goddamn maniac, not a good mother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

What time are you meeting with a lawyer today?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

OP does have the right to "interview" a few lawyers, so he can choose the one he thinks will work best for him. Let's hope he interviews the best ones in wife's town. However, it might be wise for him to actually choose a lawyer from a town where he spends most of his time (not weekends.)


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Yes, he does have the right to interview attorneys until he finds the one that he wants, but it is not okay to interview every attorney in an effort to shut his wife out from finding one.

Edited to add:
It is called "conflicting out."
I did some reading on it and it's a dirty trick and unethical, but I don't think it's illegal.
I would not recommend it. It just causes more drama. You don't need more drama. You need to focus on your rights and responsibilities and get it over with.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

CynthiaDe said:


> Yes, he does have the right to interview attorneys until he finds the one that he wants, but it is not okay to interview every attorney in an effort to shut his wife out from finding one.
> 
> Edited to add:
> It is called "conflicting out."
> ...


I guess we disagree. If I recall the thread correctly she's a high powered woman with 200 employees who cast H aside and us bunking with a kid. She will have no qualms about squashing him like a bug. He needs to defend himself from this woman.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

TheTruthHurts said:


> I guess we disagree. If I recall the thread correctly she's a high powered woman with 200 employees who cast H aside and us bunking with a kid. She will have no qualms about squashing him like a bug. He needs to defend himself from this woman.


Dirty tricks are not defensive tactics. They are offensive tactics. 
Dirty tricks make for more drama. Just find an attorney and get on with it. Doing things out of spite is a waste of time and energy. Do what is necessary to take care of your own side of the fence and spent the rest of your time doing things that feed your soul, rather than wasting time trying to make someone else miserable.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> Bandit.. I'm not waiting for her nor being a fall back. I simply am trying to grasp how she could of done this. I guess I'm just trying to let go of the person I loved so much. The person she is now is not the woman I loved. That I know. It's tough


She did this because she wanted to.

It had nothing to do with what you were doing at the time. The excuse that she did this because you went on a party spree for a few months is total bullsh!t. 

She met this kid, lusted after him, and gave into that lust. That's it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> Yeah I know it's over. Moving on and letting go of the 13 yrs she was great. Kind of like morning a death. I have to deal with it but it takes time regardless whos she become. My kids are always my #1 priority. She is a wonderful mother grant she does some immoral things because of her relationship


No, she is not a wonderful mother. A good mother does not cheat on her children's father and destroy their family and sense of security. 

She is a lousy mother.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

CynthiaDe said:


> TheTruthHurts said:
> 
> 
> > I guess we disagree. If I recall the thread correctly she's a high powered woman with 200 employees who cast H aside and us bunking with a kid. She will have no qualms about squashing him like a bug. He needs to defend himself from this woman.
> ...


Consulting with the best and meanest attorneys is not engaging in "dirty tricks". Defending your family and children is a responsibility and best not left to the rules of etiquette laid out arbitrarily as "drama". We simply disagree - OP should aggressively protect himself and do everything in his power to lesson his opponent's ability to further hurt him. She certainly isn't playing by any rules I've ever heard of and is actively hurting him and his children,


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Consulting with the best and meanest attorneys is not engaging in "dirty tricks". Defending your family and children is a responsibility and best not left to the rules of etiquette laid out arbitrarily as "drama". We simply disagree - OP should aggressively protect himself and do everything in his power to lesson his opponent's ability to further hurt him. She certainly isn't playing by any rules I've ever heard of and is actively hurting him and his children,


That is not what I was referring to. I was responding to the comment made recommending that he conflict out all the good attorneys in the area. That is not the same thing as sincerely looking for a good attorney. The idea was to inflict discomfort and difficulty on his wife. It wasn't about finding a good attorney. By all means find a good attorney. Do it now, before she starts looking. Yes. I agree. But do not spend time simply creating drama for the sake of spiting the wife by conflicting out all viable attorneys when you are satisfied you have found one you want to go with. I would recommend checking out several to be sure, but then to carry on and visit every viable option for the sake of making it impossible for the wife to find good representation is creating more drama.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I'm seeing two lawyers tomorrow from my home town and choosing one. I want to be filed by tomorrow and not a day later with the right representation.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I also like to say that I don't think I'm not normal feeling guilt or regret. I was a ****y husband and maybe it broke her. Doesn't excuss her actions which she believes to be completely normal. She fell in love with him regardless his 21 yr age and his daughter and family are close after months of basically going through our family and marriage ending. With my kids and him playing house I guess. I still am shocked. She built a several month to yr relationship while I still held on. Things said about her being a ****y mom I do understand but again it's not the person I could believe is doing it or done it. This is the woman who adored me to death up to the day she said I need a break.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> I also like to say that I don't think I'm not normal feeling guilt or regret. I was a ****y husband and maybe it broke her. Doesn't excuss her actions which she believes to be completely normal. She fell in love with him regardless his 21 yr age and his daughter and family are close after months of basically going through our family and marriage ending. With my kids and him playing house I guess. I still am shocked. She built a several month to yr relationship while I still held on. Things said about her being a ****y mom I do understand but again it's not the person I could believe is doing it or done it. This is the woman who adored me to death up to the day she said I need a break.


Why do you keep believing that her cheating was her only option in dealing with your partying?


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Cause it was the start of the end


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Truthfully, you both really didn't respect each other, as can be seen in healthy marriages. Maybe you can just take what you did wrong, and choose to do better with the next relationship down the road. Why do I get the feeling that you will take this woman back, someday? Hmmm.... 

Hope you find a way to stay strong.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

And mind you she said she was fed up well before she left which I heard is common. She checked out months before and the continues fighting due to me being out all the time and the I love yous.. What's real and what wasn't. What's my fault and what did I deserve


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

The fact I love her doesn't cloud what I need and should of done from day one. Would I ever take her back? I think we all know her disorders ( which you hit on the button) Deirdre.. She would never come back. She is set in her ways and I see them lasting a long time. She doesn't love me and I except that. As far as I feel, I am moving on and I have no doubt a beautiful women will be in my future. That loves me and is wonderful to my kids. But now is time for my kids and I.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> The fact I love her doesn't cloud what I need and should of done from day one. Would I ever take her back? I think we all know her disorders ( which you hit on the button) Deirdre.. She would never come back. She is set in her ways and I see them lasting a long time. She doesn't love me and I except that. As far as I feel, I am moving on and I have no doubt a beautiful women will be in my future. That loves me and is wonderful to my kids. But now is time for my kids and I.


Amen.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> The fact I love her doesn't cloud what I need and should of done from day one. Would I ever take her back? I think we all know her disorders ( which you hit on the button) Deirdre.. She would never come back. She is set in her ways and I see them lasting a long time. She doesn't love me and I except that. As far as I feel, I am moving on and I have no doubt a beautiful women will be in my future. That loves me and is wonderful to my kids. But now is time for my kids and I.


This is worth repeating....

Anyway for whats it's worth...I'm ....I was a very bad man...what I did to my old lady was criminal.

She phucked around a lot....but it was with men. For thirteen yrs she was screwing guys behind my back.

My point, is you old lady has some deep seeded issues.

She has her pick of men...AND SHE CHOOSE AND 21 YR OLD KID LIVING WITH HIS PARENTS!!! 

Sorry for shouting, but your old lady is phucked up in the head and what realing scares the phuck out of me is what the hell are your kids doing during the week nights and who watches them when this punk kid and your old lady are playing video games with all the other punk kids in the neighbor hood?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She could have filed instead of becoming the slvt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

12 yrs she never ****ed around. Was actually next to perfect and everything you could ask for. I partied, drank, and was a **** sometimes. I agree with her horrible choices. But ***** and sleeping around? She fell in love with a 21 yr old moron at 32. I think it's horrible and crazy leaving our family but I don't know.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

True. It's why I always wondered why she never filed after months of seeing him and finally coming clean. Still hasn't filed! Glad cause I want to beat her to it. But why not file?! She is 100% open bout him and now to our kids. How the hell am I beating her to filing for divorce? How?


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> True. It's why I always wondered why she never filed after months of seeing him and finally coming clean. Still hasn't filed! Glad cause I want to beat her to it. But why not file?! She is 100% open bout him and now to our kids. How the hell am I beating her to filing for divorce? How?


"Not her Problem" territory.
You think she got to where she is in the business world doing her own dirty work?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I rhink a small part of her knows it won't work out but she will ride it as long as she wants to.

I still think she will be pissed cuz you filing will not be on her time line.

I think she believe you will take her back. Face it she has even made statements to that effect.

Again..she has all the control..she will file when she is good and read, and when you file first...you my friend have taken control and from were I'm sitting she make smile and laugh but deep down it's going to very real for her....especially when she gets dumped for some one his own age.

Her priority is her work....this kid may treat her the way she wants to be treated but I'm telling you it won't last and in time her new reality will scare the shyt oit of her.

I'm telling this is going to get real for her and when no one is looking she is not going to be happy.

The fact is she is in a fog and you just cant get the answers to all the questions you have.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I agree and I'm sure you are right. I believe that most of the time till I see her or she texts and explains how wonderful he is and how they are making all these plans for the future. His daughter she spends more time with than our own kids and his family she loves. I dont want it to work or last for the sake of the kids. As far as I realize she doesn't love me and that's that. I think her saying she would come back is something she thinks makes her feel better and blowing smoke up my ass. She doesn't realize it's actually a insulting and cruel statement to make. That's not love. Either way by 5 this evening I will have a lawyer and hopefully divorce papers wrote up. I'm ready to take back control. I've already stopped talking to her other than the kids and kept it extremely short. In which she is already acting confused. If she asked a question about anything before I answered. Not anymore. I don't know what the "180" is but I think I'm doing it. Lol


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

And to answer questions about who watches my kids during the week. She does mostly at our home. There is a day or two I believe and 99% sure she takes my son to his place while my daughter stays at grandma's who supports her daughters actions.


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> I agree and I'm sure you are right. I believe that most of the time till I see her or she texts and explains how wonderful he is and how they are making all these plans for the future. His daughter she spends more time with than our own kids and his family she loves. I dont want it to work or last for the sake of the kids. As far as I realize she doesn't love me and that's that. I think her saying she would come back is something she thinks makes her feel better and blowing smoke up my ass. She doesn't realize it's actually a insulting and cruel statement to make. That's not love. Either way by 5 this evening I will have a lawyer and hopefully divorce papers wrote up. I'm ready to take back control. I've already stopped talking to her other than the kids and kept it extremely short. In which she is already acting confused. If she asked a question about anything before I answered. Not anymore. I don't know what the "180" is but I think I'm doing it. Lol


Time to quit talking to her about anything except the kids. You should not be getting texts about how happy she is and whatever he does or does not do for you. She is messing with you. 

Time to quit trying to figure out WHY she chose to leave you for whomever (you seem fixated on his young age, many others are fixated on the OPs old age and lack of physical attractiveness).

STOP trying to figure her out. It doesnt matter. She no longer loves you, that is all. What are YOU going to do right now? What are you going to do with the rest of your life? None if it concerns her by the way.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

All the best and stay calm. Else you might end up paying child support for the new kid in her life.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

How would I be paying child support for the other kid?


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I'm absolutely concerned about his age. Considering he was 13 when my 8 yr old was born is disturbing and scary. My wife allowing him to play daddy to my 2 yr old son is disturbing. Out of my control at the moment or possibly period. Things you think about and bother you.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> How would I be paying child support for the other kid?


Your wife has your kids 99% of the time.
If you do anything crazy, she takes them on for 100% of the time. You will be paying child support for your kids.

Your wife can do anything she wants with that money. Including spending it on her lover boy.

Do you think she won't.
If you think she is the sort of person who will......then ask yourself is this marriage worth saving.

The important thing IMHO is prtecting yourself from your own fog. The fog where you trust this woman to do anything that is honest or good.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Now here is where I really need advice. I just received a job offer back home doing exactly what I was doing before leaving home but with another company. Making double what I make up here in this small town that pays little. The major twist is MY WIFE is the one who contacted them after learning through her work they were looking for someone with my experience. I'm extremely excited to take the job and it will give me a better income and I can afford to raise my kids and be financially stable. But I simply can't afford to pay for a lawyer if I move back cause it will take every penny I have to get a apartment and move back. I have to file and it's extremely important to do immediately. What do I do??


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Get the job first, get settled, then file. Your income and sustainability is the more important priority.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Go to the attorneys today and prepare.
Take the job.
Move back into your home. All you need is a U-Haul to get your stuff back into your house.
How is your wife home with the kids all day and working all day as well?


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I should specify that the job offer is them wanting me to come in for a interview at the end of next wk. They said they are really interested in my back ground and experience. So at this point I'm confident they want to hire me but time isn't on my side and hopefully it's a immediate opening and wanting me to start ASAP. I am confident mainly cause they did call me after all and he said I sound like I'm the guy they are looking for. It's scary cause I don't want to sit and wait. I do need to get legal advice regardless.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

My wifes mother watches our son while she works and our daughter gets out of school around the time she gets out of work. Plus just another dagger to me. My mother in-law is close to the boyfriends mother and is known to take my son to the neighbors house to play with his daughter. These are the people I called family 13 yrs.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I lost my cool last night. After hearing how my daughter feels I had some harsh words for my soon to be ex wife. We always text but I was fortunate enough that she called and I got to unload alot off my mind. We actually talked on the phone for hours. Mostly negative arguments. Tonight I feel depressed. I feel I let her get the best of me. Tho she was cold hearted and not shy telling she's so happy she's divorcing me and the kid is amazing. All the things I did wrong and things I didn't do. It's really hitting me today.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> I also still believe she will hardly be effected by being served. Probably happy and laugh about it. It is after all what she wants. Me gone divorced and her new boyfriend happy. But I'm full steam ahead and meeting with a lawyer tomorrow in our home town.


This is the only good thing about such an awful situation. Get her to agree to a divorce so she can be free while she's still high on her lover, and you'll probably get away with less financial damage than if she has already come back to earth.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

She wants to file together and wants no child support. Also wants me as I so to move closer to home. But as far as our home and belongings will take a long time to decide how that will play out


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Which is going to next to impossible to do. She hates my guts after the hrs of telling what I thought of her decisions.she still accuses me of being a ****y husband, trying to screw her out of everything that belongs to her, and how I never made her happy. Her story about how she told my daughter of her relationship with the kid was fabricated to seem it was my fault. My daughter and I had a long deep convo and one main point she said was she doesn't like the kid. Her mother told her she has to respect him and listen to him. Which my daughter responded with why? He's not much older than me. My wifes brother had been giving hints to my daughter from what she said and that's why she confronted her mom. What was the hint that really tipped of my daughter you might ask.. Her uncle simply said why don't you tell your mom to stop hanging out with little boys and go back to your dad and family.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

If she hates your guts that badly... well you know that she is messed up in the head. If she had truly moved on she would have been objective and probably appeased you. 

She hadn't, she probably knows she is wrong and probably hates you for "driving her" to make these destructive moves. Of course that's just her blame shifting onto you all of her junk. 

So don't fall for it and take the blame - I'm tired of reading BS backtrack and try to make sense of a WW's sh1tty behavior - and coming to the conclusion it must be them because she was so amazing and awesome in the past...

Yeah you did sh1tty things. We all do - because we live our lives. A spouse loves you when you do sh1tty things and works with you. A "bad person" leaves the marriage. That is my #1 definition of what a bad person is. Your WW is a bad person.

Unfortunately she knows it too so she raged at you.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I agree. I told her I did everything I could to change and save our marriage. She simply laughed and say sorry you was to late. She said she didn't make a mistake and call her in a yr..5.. ten years and she will still happy she left me for him.. Left me period. Said I was evil and that type on conversation we had was why she left me. ( I really let her have it). I didn't call her name's but totally bashed what decisions she made and how it effected the kids. It really didn't faze her tho she said she cried all morning yesterday. Mainly from my understanding that I told her how all our friends despise her and want nothing to do with her after what she's done to the kids and I. She just rubbed in how she sleeps with the kid in our bed and what not. It was pretty bad


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## unbe (Dec 20, 2013)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> I agree. I told her I did everything I could to change and save our marriage. She simply laughed and say sorry you was to late. She said she didn't make a mistake and call her in a yr..5.. ten years and she will still happy she left me for him.. Left me period. Said I was evil and that type on conversation we had was why she left me. ( I really let her have it). I didn't call her name's but totally bashed what decisions she made and how it effected the kids. It really didn't faze her tho she said she cried all morning yesterday. Mainly from my understanding that I told her how all our friends despise her and want nothing to do with her after what she's done to the kids and I. She just rubbed in how she sleeps with the kid in our bed and what not. It was pretty bad


Dude....I am going to say this and its going to seem harsh but alot of people here have been though this and the script doesnt change. 

Your situation isn't any different than most of ours...

You need to file TOMORROW

I dont care what it cost, work it out with your lawyer. They will work out a payment plan for you. Put the cost on a creeit card, whatever. 

You need to 180 her starting this minute. All communication should be about the kids ONLY. Post here, there are many who can help you reply until you get the hang of it. No more communicating with her until AFTER you get advice here.

You speaking to her is only hurting YOU...CANT YOU SEE THAT?

You are not ready to face her, deal with her, talk to her, see her. NOTHING....You are just too weak right now.

Start putting things in motion....

Continue with IC, start going to the gym. Find a hobby....

We are here for you...If you wanna talk, I am here for you. 

My story is here...Its still ongoing. We are all here to help!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Wow!!! She's sounds absolutely lovely. And such a charming personality. I bet you miss that?


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> I agree. I told her I did everything I could to change and save our marriage. She simply laughed and say sorry you was to late. She said she didn't make a mistake and call her in a yr..5.. ten years and she will still happy she left me for him.. Left me period. Said I was evil and that type on conversation we had was why she left me. ( I really let her have it). I didn't call her name's but totally bashed what decisions she made and how it effected the kids. It really didn't faze her tho she said she cried all morning yesterday. Mainly from my understanding that I told her how all our friends despise her and want nothing to do with her after what she's done to the kids and I. She just rubbed in how she sleeps with the kid in our bed and what not. It was pretty bad


Do you think talking to her is actually doing any good for you? It isnt. She really doesnt care what you think but at least you are giving her a way to rationalize cheating/leaving. 

Quit talking to her and start talking ONLY to your lawyer or therapist.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Hmmmm wow maybe a glimmer of light... Her crying is a very good sign - for your kids I mean. Right now you're toast.

When you get to 50k feet you'll feel bad for her - she's choosing a completely inappropriate "lover" probably to spite you. That's pretty sad and fvcked up.

I can be pretty acerbic - I would probably send a card - an I'm sorry card - with an inscription inside "I'm sorry I hurt you so badly that you feel you have to choose a boy as a "lover" just to get back at me. I hope you heal enough to make more rational choices and stop throwing our kids under the bus just because of your anger for me. I'd hate to think you were damaged for life out of anger at me. Hopefully you'll choose to talk to your partner next time and expend the effort on your relationship instead of hopping from bed to bed avoiding the hard work."

Because that's how I see this...


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I agree 100%. I really walked away from telling her off feeling I gave her exactly what she wanted. I became the mean person I was before and like you said made her feel like she is justified and I'm a evil person. So I'm going to completely shut her off other than kids talk. ironically I had done that for the whole week prior to the blow up. She was enraged I was only replying to her text about the kids and was short and to the point. She texted the whole day Friday trying to find what I was doing and who I was with cause I didn't respond to anything else she sent. She even went as far as sending pics of the kids she took while at work. I didn't respond so she became angry with mean texts. I got sucked in and only blame myself. 180 back in effect now


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Lol. That would be a good card.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Loyalhusband#1 said:


> Lol. That would be a good card.


Yeah but that's me and I'm not in the soup now - I agree with the others to work on disconnecting right now


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

I just thought it was funny. I don't need or want to give her any more fuel. I'm extremely disappointed in myself for even arguing with her..


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

She did actually did call a company and got me a interview with great pay. It was a confusing gesture. I don't know if she did it cause I was ignoring her and she started to feel guilty or simply did it to be nice and I would benefit our children. So I do feel some what bad.


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## Loyalhusband#1 (Feb 17, 2016)

Not going to lie. Some days are hard. Knowing this kid is playing house with my (ex) wife gets to me. I try my best to focus on myself and kids but it's hard even after all these months to except after 13 yrs I wasn't good enough. She rather be and raise a family with him. Some days really pulls you down


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