# windstruck needs advice,



## windstruck (Oct 4, 2013)

we have been m for 38 y, have a 1 girl, she is grown and a professional.13 years ago my w went thru the change of life,1 year after she shut down sexually,no int,no kissing,nothing.before we had a great sex life,had sex 4 or 5 times a week at least,now it has been 12 years since we have had any kind of sex.we don't sleep in the same bed,have not in years,for the last 4 or 5 years I fill a lot of resentment toward her,what is a man to do. need advice.we have grandkids and I am going to stay for the sake of my child and gk.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You could try counselling, you could try the "Married Man's Sex Life Primer". But if you're taking separation and/or divorce off the table before you get started and your wife knows that, you've lost already. 

C


----------



## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

If you have been married 38 yrs....she has toclose to my age or older. She needs to get a physical...my guess is her hormones have bottemed out. That's not justification for neglecting your partners needs....its just an excuse. You need to man up and let her know some things need to change. Starting with a physical for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

People treat you the way you teach them to treat you. They treat you the way you allow them to treat you. If you're not willing to rock the boat, then your only option is to sit quietly and be a good passenger.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I see posts like these, some poor husband who has gone years without sex with his wife and one thing always sticks out, he says he loves her and will never leave her. So various member through advice his way and sometimes the thread can get very long and detailed but essentially the Original Poster says in one form or another... "Thanks but I can't do what you suggest." And then they disappear never to be heard from again.

So what's the deal OP, why have you allowed this to go on for so long and what are you prepared to do about it?


----------



## windstruck (Oct 4, 2013)

let me also say, I love her as my daughters mother,i no longer love her as my wife .I fell out of love with her many years ago,this may sound harsh, but its the way it is.


----------



## scientia (Aug 27, 2012)

Testosterone is responsible for desire in both men and women. Men have a great deal of this and it leads to male body characteristics like facial hair and muscles. Women have less than 1/10th as much testosterone as men but none means no desire. I would assume that your wife may need hormone replacement therapy. You have to be patient though because it can take a bit to get these sorted out. And, taking hormones can have side effects like changes in mood, weight gain, and acne. If you have stuck it out this long though then I assume you have enough patience.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

windstruck said:


> let me also say, I love her as my daughters mother,i no longer love her as my wife .I fell out of love with her many years ago,this may sound harsh, but its the way it is.


You still haven't answered the questions. 

Why have you let it go on for so long?

What exactly would you like from your wife and your marriage?

What are you prepared to do to get that?

I don't think anyone can blame you for falling out of love, since sex hasn't been happening, you sleep in different rooms, guessing there is little physical affection as well, what's been present to nurture a loving feeling? Nothing.

As your wife's hormones left the building, her sex drive disappeared and sex therefore stopped altogether. How fair was that to you? What conversations did you have? Did she really expect you to be satisfied with no sex at all?

I personally think you should tell your wife you're not willing to live a sexless, emotionless life with her anymore. Tell her it's probably too late to save the marriage so it would be best to divorce. Tell her you are eager to restart your life in the hopes of finding a woman with whom you can share both emotional love and physical love. Then leave it up to her on how she responds.


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

You have taken the only real tool off the table. You've said you won't leave her and she knows this because you haven't. Then you come on an Internet forum and complain about your married love life. 

It was said before. You allow your wife to treat to this way. You can't change your wife; but, It is entirely your choice what you accept from her.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

I dont really have much hope for you. Twelve years is a long time. You must have discussed it with her during this time what was her reply. I am not sure what you mean she is your daughters mother. Your daughter is already older and leading a life of her own. That is no reason to stay. Maybe you can bring your daughter into this depending what kind of a relationship she has with her mother.


----------



## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Of course medical reasons, hormones and such, should be evaluated and taken care of first. After that is done, the real work is gonna start.

You have been detached for a long time. It may feel awkward and uncomfortable to begin initiating again after such a long hiatus. Communication is going to be vital if there is any hope to improve this situation. Counseling may be needed to work through the feelings of resentment and facilitate the changes that will need to occur if there is to be improvement.


----------



## Natalie789 (Aug 24, 2013)

It sounds like there is a lot more going on here than hormones. A hormone imbalance doesn't explain the not wanting to kiss or hug or the separate bedrooms.

If you fell out of love with your wife, and you're sure counseling or anything else won't make those feelings come back, then you need to go and find someone that you're in love with and who you can share the rest of your life with (and yes, have sex with).


----------

