# Why do they like drama



## Lon

So the things surrounding my love life are just crazy... dated a woman 6 months after separation, different cultures, she's got issues but seemed like a really cool lady stuck in bad circumstances. Turns out she just makes horrible decisions though, and decided it would be ok to approach my ex W without my knowledge and receive esthetics services and reciprocate by doing threading and manicure on her, the ex loves it so much she hires her.

This woman couldn't understand why I was so angry about this decision, so I ended it. Was kind to her, she is still lonely and I occasionally get messages from her, saying how I'm her best friend (kinda stalkerish) I mostly ignore them. She is facing legal charges because her ex is a d!ck and wouldn't see his own daughter, so she tried to get him to, was having a breakdown and her daughter was misbehaving, she held her tight to keep her from running away and someone called 911 for child abuse.

But I believe this woman, and have pity for her story. Turns out when I read the story in the paper the assault charge was actually a blow to her daughters head. (now I would still have some pity for her, she was at her ropes end, but her poor daughter does not need to be abused). Her daughter was put in custody of the father (who originally didn't want her) and he refused to let her see her, except there was court order for 6 months of supervised visits. He also had a restraining order on her. She broke the court order when she saw her daughter at the public pool and went to hug her, and so her ex had police charge her. I have also seen her around other kids and she seemed obsessed but I attributed that to her missing her own daughter.

Anyway, too much drama for me. Then, after last week's drama with my ex introducing our son to her bf, it kinda struck me that I don't trust this lady around my son and I didn't want my ex to assume I was comfortable with this lady (who I no longer trust and whose motives I question) so I texted my ex W let her know my stance on the issue.

And of course, today I get a message from this lady and she is P!SSED off at me, I can only presume my ex, who is now her close friend and employee, showed her the text.

I am just ignoring the po'd message but if she cusses at me like that again I will tell her to talk respectfully or else I will report harassment to police, but it hasn't gotten to that point yet. Thing is if you think about it, this was a private conversation between my ex and I about our son, she really has no business sharing this with others, if anything my ex W instigated all this drama by even showing her the message, there was no reason to and no good was to come of it, I had already stopped contact with this lady.

Anyways I just had to vent this cause its been upsetting me all night. What the hell is wrong with these people - I know FOR SURE I am not in the wrong on this... my ex was being completely inappropriate for setting this up to watch it burn. I'm not really surprised though, but my son's safety and well being far outweighs what I think of some crazy person.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

OMG Lon it just sounds so unlike you to be involved with a woman like that. Glad you decided it wasn't for the best. Don't make allowances for women who seem to be in bad circumstances. Even women who are there legitimately would get things sorted out before starting a relationship, they would be too busy getting their sh*t together to really give any man the time of day other than just casual social interaction. I learned an acronym today at a women's leadership summit: QTIP which stands for quit taking it personally. These women are your ex's for a reason, and it makes perfect sense that they would get along. Don't forget, when people become your ex, they still have all the qualities and behavior patterns that made them your ex, you just have extra wiggle room to work on your own response to the crazy situations they create when you try to act reasonably. Glad you took a giant step backwards. Good for you for acting to advocate for your son. I had to tell my kids' dad under no circumstances did I agree with my ex's plan to go through my kids' dad to have contact with them. I told him since this was my ex I got to make the decision and I did not have to explain it to him, just to respect and honor it or I would take action to have his parenting called into question. (And I don't make threats I won't carry through.)


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## Lon

Just to update this thread, I texted my ex W last night and said in the future I want private conversations about co-parenting to remain between us, especially if it going to cause someone unnecessary distress. And I understand why that lady was hurt, because I put into question her decency, but it was never really about HER it was about making sure my son's mom was not making assumptions about my parental prerogatives, it was about communicating with my ex.

I hope she took the hint that it was HER FAULT this lady got riled up, but my intent wasn't to accuse just to get her on the same page as me.


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## lamaga

I agree with Homemaker, Lon, this sounds very unlike you and no wonder you fled!

The Drama Queens...fortunately they become easier to spot with practice


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## Posse

Is she hot?

J/k. 

Run away!!


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## joe kidd

Man Lon. Yeah you did the right thing by ditching the crazy. You don't need that.


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## Lon

Posse said:


> Is she hot?
> 
> J/k.
> 
> Run away!!


Strangely, yes and no... I was intrigued, really liked her at first, started getting to know her then it got sexual and I found her VERY attractive at the time - even though at points after she really wasn't my type at all, at some moments I almost was repulsed but then I'd be so turned on, perhaps she had some potent pheromones or something. She was thin and curvy though and that was a new novelty to me, touch was driving me wild.

But all that attraction disintegrated severely the moment she told me she was gonna work with my ex. Then after I asked her not to she said she wouldn't but lied and did anyway, then tried apologizing (while at the same time writing on the ex's fb wall how wonderful they thought each other were). I have no idea what her motives were, it is completely baffling to me. Then she has still been writing to me the past few months how I'm the best she had, her best friends etc... I guess trying to lure me back or something :scratchhead:


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## Mavash.

The drama queens that I know are addicted to it. It's their drug of choice. If there isn't drama they will for sure stir some up. Normal to them = boring. It's kinda sad actually that these women can't just BE without some constant stimulation of some sort.


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## Posse

Lon said:


> I mostly ignore them.


My advice:

Life is short. Live it up.

But do not stick your d!ck in crazy.

Once you realize you have, back away slowly, extricate yourself as quickly as possible, and move on and try again.

YOU do not need the drama. 

Anyone who wants to become friends with your ex is nuts. Take action accordingly.


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## that_girl

That's crazy.


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## that_girl

Posse said it best:

Don't stick your d!ck in crazy.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Oh, and speaking from experience, if you find someone who is sane and compatible, make sure they don't come with crazy accessories (i.e. friends and close relatives.) If your mate goes down (i.e. in my case, brain hemorrhage), and you're not married, guess who you get to deal with? Or if things go well, guess who's coming to dinner? I have to deal with a crazy woman and I wasn't even invovled with her!!!!! WTF. Latest thing is she left a vm on my cell that says they cannot find coma boy's kayak and silver belt buckle and if these items do not 'turn up' she will have no choice but to report them stolen to the police. I have not seen them. I wish I had, my immediate future might be more uneventful.


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## Lon

Posse said:


> Once you realize you have, back away slowly, extricate yourself as quickly as possible, and move on and try again.


yup. this was my plan of attack. Thought I was extricated, guess not entirely yet. Am looking for the next, hope its a different kind of crazy.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Sometimes just being in a sexual relationship can trigger the crazy in someone, man or women. Those times you just don't know til you're there, so yep, good to have a plan of action. A lot of people turn off their 'bad relationship' detectors after they have committed by being intimate...but this is the one time you really need to turn up the volume on listening in for those things.


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## Cooper

I remember this post so I had to come back and read it again, some people just wallow in drama like it's a hobby.

I have gone out with a gal 4 times in the last couple of weeks and all has been well, actually very well, until just now. I am still at work but just checked my home e-mail and can't believe the message she sent me today. Medical problems, kid problems, ex problems, money problems, 500 words of why me and please come save me. 

My reaction? I'm out, flip the switch to off! lol Way to early to be laying all her negitive drama crap on me. Shame on me maybe but divorce has hardened this old boy. 

Lon I'm with you brother, at this point we can pick how we want to live and who we invite into our life, ain't it great?


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## Lon

Cooper said:


> My reaction? I'm out, flip the switch to off! lol Way to early to be laying all her negitive drama crap on me. Shame on me maybe but divorce has hardened this old boy.
> 
> Lon I'm with you brother, at this point we can pick how we want to live and who we invite into our life, ain't it great?


Yeah, well can we really ever get them out of our life afterwards though? That is my problem and why I wrote this thread - I am hardened too, and so even though I ignored the "fck u fck u fck u fck uuuuuuuu" comment she sent me I really did want to write her and say I was not making accusations against her, that it really just was me communicating to my ex about a specific parenting matter. I guess next time it comes to something like that again (when, not if, going by the track record) I will just have to tell my ex in person and not leave a paper trail for her to use to rally people against me.


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## lamaga

Lon, amigo, listen to me. I have been in the dating world for more years than I care to tell you, and I've also been divorced.

I have never ever ever in my life sent a text containing the figures "fck u fck u fck u fck uuuuuuuu". Nor would I.

You gotta find smarter gals to date


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## tacoma

Posse said:


> But do not stick your d!ck in crazy.


Now you tell me.

I could have used that bit of advice back in my 20`s.


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## *needaunderstand*

if she is not your type and she acts crazie, well every one knows the saying if it looks like a dog, and acts like a dog, then it is probaly a dog. smart move pushing her away. there are plenty of sane people in this world. dont let this drama queen get to you.


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## working_together

Lon said:


> So the things surrounding my love life are just crazy... dated a woman 6 months after separation, different cultures, she's got issues but seemed like a really cool lady stuck in bad circumstances. Turns out she just makes horrible decisions though, and decided it would be ok to approach my ex W without my knowledge and receive esthetics services and reciprocate by doing threading and manicure on her, the ex loves it so much she hires her.
> 
> This woman couldn't understand why I was so angry about this decision, so I ended it. Was kind to her, she is still lonely and I occasionally get messages from her, saying how I'm her best friend (kinda stalkerish) I mostly ignore them. She is facing legal charges because her ex is a d!ck and wouldn't see his own daughter, so she tried to get him to, was having a breakdown and her daughter was misbehaving, she held her tight to keep her from running away and someone called 911 for child abuse.
> 
> But I believe this woman, and have pity for her story. Turns out when I read the story in the paper the assault charge was actually a blow to her daughters head. (now I would still have some pity for her, she was at her ropes end, but her poor daughter does not need to be abused). Her daughter was put in custody of the father (who originally didn't want her) and he refused to let her see her, except there was court order for 6 months of supervised visits. He also had a restraining order on her. She broke the court order when she saw her daughter at the public pool and went to hug her, and so her ex had police charge her. I have also seen her around other kids and she seemed obsessed but I attributed that to her missing her own daughter.
> 
> Anyway, too much drama for me. Then, after last week's drama with my ex introducing our son to her bf, it kinda struck me that I don't trust this lady around my son and I didn't want my ex to assume I was comfortable with this lady (who I no longer trust and whose motives I question) so I texted my ex W let her know my stance on the issue.
> 
> And of course, today I get a message from this lady and she is P!SSED off at me, I can only presume my ex, who is now her close friend and employee, showed her the text.
> 
> I am just ignoring the po'd message but if she cusses at me like that again I will tell her to talk respectfully or else I will report harassment to police, but it hasn't gotten to that point yet. Thing is if you think about it, this was a private conversation between my ex and I about our son, she really has no business sharing this with others, if anything my ex W instigated all this drama by even showing her the message, there was no reason to and no good was to come of it, I had already stopped contact with this lady.
> 
> Anyways I just had to vent this cause its been upsetting me all night. What the hell is wrong with these people - I know FOR SURE I am not in the wrong on this... my ex was being completely inappropriate for setting this up to watch it burn. I'm not really surprised though, but my son's safety and well being far outweighs what I think of some crazy person.


I think you need to stay away from these types of people, even if the allegations of child abuse were false, it just raises too many questions, and frankly I wouldn't want someone like that around my kids....ever. Yep, loads of drama there.


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## working_together

I think you get to a point where you ask yourself "do I really need this, I'm not married to them, I don't have kids with them, and they are complaining that their ex took their pizza cutter when they separated".....wtf...get over it.


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## Catherine602

Lon you got addicted to the drama. Be careful don't get drawn into the craziness. They may seem exciting but think about, you will never have any peace if you get sucked into their lives. Careful too about women who need rescuing. It is ok to help a woman you are in a mutually suportive relationship. If you start out as a rescuer that is all you will probably ever be, the giver not much getting. I think a woman with a more subtle and controlled excitment is better. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon

Catherine, I don't think I got "addicted" to the drama but I was looking for a certain level of intensity. I did open myself up to a little bit of craziness because I'm tired of life being so uneventful, atleast for me that is. If anything I got addicted to the attention and affection, partly because it had been so long since I felt that, and though it was strange it was exciting! I did not let myself get pulled into it though, I remained on the outside of this last one just kinda seeing what to make of it, got a little bit of sex from it which was nice, and I was completely honest and upfront about my feelings I think she was either in the same place or else wanting to hear something else. Anyway, its just silly because I already ended it, she understood why (because I was clear all along, I make my boundary well known and I followed through and I think maybe she was doubting I would, that if she sweet talked me she'd have me around her finger). Either way its over, I really am not that bothered by her anger at me, just wondering why people torture themselves and make themselves so angry for no good reason. Not my problem just trying to look and see if there is anything I can learn for the next relationship.


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## *needaunderstand*

the best way to make an relationship eventful is amping it up in the bedroom, trying new things . being lonely to long, truely clouds ones judgment. at least you learned from it and know what to look for in the future to avoid that kinda problem. good luck on it! (sorry for spelling)


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## Shooboomafoo

Lon thats why right now my hands are thrown up in the air and I "aint-a-lookin" for nobody right now. Okay,, you got me, its not by choice, its just I havent gotten out there and done anything with single women around. See how I made that out to be an "effort not to" on my part? mmm.. good.
ALL I see, is crazy. So far, its been slim pickins to say the least, and the old circle of ex's friends has many far reaching branches where "Oh I know her.." is the last thing you want to hear.

Theres this girl Ive known for a long time that at one time was married to one of my closest friends. She whacked out and at least got emotionally involved with others and they divorced. He's very happy right now, with a girl that is just amazing and they get along great, and have what I wish I eventually will have.
But this ex of his, has been seeing this other guy that knocked her up, and shes 7months along now. This other guy took off with another girl to go upstate and visit relatives, and left this girl here with kid and wants no fatherly relationship with it. I dont really know the status of their relationship at the moment, seems pretty "done" to me, but shes asking me to go to see a band she likes this coming weekend, and mannnn.. Just my luck to get invited out by my best friend's ex who is 7months along and has shown the capacity for infidelity and sneaky sh!t.. 

I assume too much though, shes probably just wanting to go out and hang out with a platonic friend... compare stories? 
I think not...


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## Lon

Shoo, yeah all I see around me is crazy too. Or else way too young. Well, not really, I suppose it is very common for guys to be with younger women, but I just feel too old I think. Anyways, for you, don't give that treacherous woman your time, you know that already but in case you need to hear it from someone here: Don't do it! It is nice of her to be thinking of you, so take that to boost your ego a bit, then kindly tell her you are not interested.


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## Catherine602

Shoo you can find someone with more going for her that that chick. You will attract some nuts but when you are in a place to meet a woman like your friend did, you will see her.

If you met the right woman now you would probably mess it up because you are not ready. Get yourself ready for that wonderful woman who is loving. Start putting your self in a position to meet single sane women. Please don't stay in contact with this crazy woman. 

You sound as if your feel bad for her. I would stay away from her so you don't get pulled into a rescue mission. You are too much of a caring man to listen to a story like that and do nothing. 

She is making bad choices sadly but you can do nothing for her. If your friend can get over his crazy ex and find someone sane then so can you. 

Maybe hang out with your friend when you are ready. She may have friends.


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## Shooboomafoo

"If you met the right woman now you would probably mess it up because you are not ready." ---realizing this for sure.
I dont know exactly if I was initially the codependent type, or if living with my ex married to her for so long and operating within those limitations evolved into a codependent situation for me, but yeah, for the longest time I "did to please" and to gain a sense of value for myself from it. 
I am beginning to not feel like such an a-hole when I decline someone who wants something, but yet, the questioning of my own motives before I decide is an arduous process.

I would love to read more about codependency, so if anyone has any online resources they'd like to share I'm sure down for checking it out.


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## MooseAndSquirrel

To answer the question in the subject line; they like drama because it feeds their ego. It distracts them from the pointlessness of their lives and makes them feel they have some affect on the world.

High drama = Low self esteem


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## Catherine602

Life is strange Shoobo. When I read your posts, I am impressed with your intelligence, self-awareness, and sense of humor. Your posts are hard to describe but definitely unique and difficult to stop reading. 

Yet, you seem to be blissfully unaware of what you have. You are a rare man and you don't know it. 

It is difficult for us humans to separate our feeling about our self-value independent of the way people treat us or the challenges that are thrown our way. 

But the rain falls upon the good and the evil so we all get our share of setbacks, sometimes very severe ones. 

I think a very firm foundational appreciation of who and what you are is a buffer against being tossed about by life events. That is what I struggle with. 

In terms of helping others - I struggle with being selective too. Being selective according to some boundaries helps me. 

I help when doing so does not drain my mental and physical reserves that I need for myself and my family. Those come first. 

The abundance that is leftover, I share where it will do the most good, according to my judgement. I try to avoid helping people who cannot accept it or who won't appreciate it. 

When I've been burned, my first reaction is to feel like a chump. But then I know that a person who destroys a good thing is a fool and needs pity. I try not to beat myself up and learn to be more selective. 

I think that is what you need to do. Don't let the receiver of your love and commitment decide on its value. That's what you have to do. 

When you see the first signs of lack of appreciation and respect, back off instead of trying harder. Don't let the [email protected] and b!tches drag you down Shoobo. 

BTW what does your screen name mean?


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## Shooboomafoo

Hey Catherine!
Thanks so much for the kind words. I dont have internet access at home, and had taken a couple days off to unwind. It seems like it went by too fast. 
I think in the middle of most of my issues is your statement of having a firm foundational appreciation (and knowledge of) who and what I am providing stability. I guess I am still figuring this out, since the divorce has changed the circumstances. Much of it is a sense of vulnerability for me. 
Being selective seems to be where Ive naturally gravitated to, more out of a sense of self preservation at the moment than selfishness.. Plus, Im learning new things re: the motives.... 

My screen name is based off of a t.v. cartoon that came on maybe six years ago. It was changed slightly and used as a word to chase the cat out of the kitchen, or to replace other colorful words when the kiddo was around. It was basically an "inside" word, formed when we were a family, and things were happy. It represents, a happy "Family" for me.


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## Bobby5000

Getting away from this woman makes sense. Thinking you could text your ex-wife sensitive material and she wouldn't disclose it does not.


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## Lon

Bobby5000 said:


> Getting away from this woman makes sense. Thinking you could text your ex-wife sensitive material and she wouldn't disclose it does not.


doesn't make sense that I would expect my child's mother to not share interpersonal communication with someone she knew it would hurt?

I know what you mean though, I really wasn't very surprised when that lady texted me with her anger, was kind of expecting it, just truly didn't give a rat's behind because my relationship with that woman was done due to her own hurtful treatment towards me. I wasn't texting this to hurt anyone I was doing it out of concern for this woman's motivation towards my son (and even my ex) I kinda did it as a warning to my ex W and also just to be clear.


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## NextTimeAround

My older sister likes drama. I had to come to terms with this late in life.

She tried to befriend the guys that I date. those who play along give her little stories about me that she likes telling me about.


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