# Men and Self Care/Improvement



## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

A poster in the Lady's Lounge posted a good article on self-care. It can be broadly summed up with the quote below:



> True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.


The article focuses on really looking at your life and where to make the hard changes so you can build a life you want, instead of escaping the one you have. 

I find women do a much better job of this then men in general, they typically eat better, work out more, and focus on their mood, their wants and needs, and their own general happiness a lot more. We've all heard the Thoreau quote "the mass of men live lives of quiet desperation", and I think that's largely true. Men tend to be OK with suffering more through life and simply trucking on in a real ****ty situation. We tend to drink more to cope, we commit suicide A LOT more to escape real or perceived failures, we do more drugs, we relax less, we're less religious and contemplative about life, we're career focused in terms of paying the bills, but rarely pick careers we love, we pick careers that pay.

Men typically define success in terms of how much money they make and take home for their families. But money can only be made when you're laboring and trading your precious time for it. So we strive more and more for money and success, all the while reducing our own happiness because we've created a cycle of endless earning, spending, and wanting more. Typically it's not us who is doing the spending, women account for over 80% of the household spend on average. To cope we turn to alcohol, we pull away from our families and all around just exist.

I think men are in a crisis, as the world changes men need to change their attitudes and become more self-centered (like women and kids). Men need to start prioritizing their happiness, their wants and needs over that of their wives and kids. It's the only way we'll adjust to the new reality.

I read so many men miserable on here but unwilling to do anything about it, it's frustrating. This weekend take an entire day and dedicate it to yourself, do only what you want to do, the B.S. chores can wait. Go skiing, go hiking, go to the gym, watch football with friends at the bar, ignore your wife's to-do list and schedule. Start prioritizing yourself and focusing on creating a life you want to live rather than simply wading it through it half conscious and/or miserable.

</soapbox>


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I agree with much of what you have written. Not sure on the 80% spending done by women. The reason being is my W does not spend 80% of overall household spending. In fact, I dare say I do. Since my kids have grown I have become more attuned to my happiness. The past 22 years spent worrying about my kids getting ahead and their needs. Now they are grown I do not worry much about that. My time, money and effort is directed at my happiness along with my W's happiness as a married couple. There was a time I(we) would have to say no. Money concerns, logistics of kids or school is in session. That time is past and we say yes to our wants and desires. We come and go as we please. 

I do not feel I'm in a crisis. I feel my situation has improved quite a bit.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

77- I don't agree with your generalization (I'm quite happy and live a very balanced life that is full of meaning) but completely agree with the need for some men to pick their priorities differently.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I guess I'm one of those miserable men who refuse to see the light. I reject the advice to be more self centered. But at the same time I agree That taking care of your self first makes it possible for you to have the depth that you need to take care of others. So I agree we need to take care of ourselves to get by in the new reality. 

I'm mot sure your advice isn't more salt baths and chocolate, but I do have a Saturday to myself this weekend. The weather will be crappy so I'll have to do some woodwork.


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