# Shameless



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

So I am still talking with the co worker and we basically told eachother that we done trust one and another alone! I am so ashamed that I am doing this and talking the way I am to him. But also not ashamed because of what he did. I am so lost. I really like this guy and love my husband or maybe i love him? I mean if you love someone why act that way?


----------



## frozensprouts (Aug 1, 2009)

Hi Sunflower,

I am writing this response to you from the perspective of someone who has been cheated on. All I can say to you is that if you think you love your husband AT ALL, then you owe him one of the following:
(a) if you think you still love him as your husband, then stop seeing that other guy immediately. I know that it's not always possible to change where you work, but please try and find some way to be around him as little as possible. Don't have any other contact with im at all- no phone, email, Facebook, chats, etc. Then tell your husband what happened, and why you think it happened. If he was doing something wrong, hurting you, neglecting your feelings or whatever, you at least owe him the chance to try and change . Try and find a good counselor- it may take a few attempts to find one that you both feel comfortable with. It will take a while, but it is ( ay least I hope it is) possible to repair this kind of dfamge. But prepare yourself for your husband's feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal. Please don't minimize his feelings, but try and talk about them.
(b) If you don't love him as your husband anymore and things are just not getting any better ( i.e.- if you can look at yourself in the mirror or look in your child's eyes ( if you have any children) and say " I gave it my best shot, and tried everything I could, but my marriage simply won't work"), the tell your husband and get a divorce BEFORE you start seeing someone else. It's cruel any other way.

I'm not trying to be judgmental of you, but I do know how much it hurts when your spouse cheats on you- it's horrible, and I'm sorry, but I don't car how much you think you are "in Love" with the other guy- nothing justifies hurting your husband like that. I'm sure that way deep down in your heart you know what the right thing to do is- so please do it ( as my friend put it one time " either s*%%t or get off the pot")


----------



## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

frozensprouts said:


> Hi Sunflower,
> 
> I am writing this response to you from the perspective of someone who has been cheated on. All I can say to you is that if you think you love your husband AT ALL, then you owe him one of the following:
> (a) if you think you still love him as your husband, then stop seeing that other guy immediately. I know that it's not always possible to change where you work, but please try and find some way to be around him as little as possible. Don't have any other contact with im at all- no phone, email, Facebook, chats, etc. Then tell your husband what happened, and why you think it happened. If he was doing something wrong, hurting you, neglecting your feelings or whatever, you at least owe him the chance to try and change . Try and find a good counselor- it may take a few attempts to find one that you both feel comfortable with. It will take a while, but it is ( ay least I hope it is) possible to repair this kind of dfamge. But prepare yourself for your husband's feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal. Please don't minimize his feelings, but try and talk about them.
> ...


:iagree: I dont think it can be said any better then this.


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

sunflower said:


> So I am still talking with the co worker and we basically told eachother that we done trust one and another alone! I am so ashamed that I am doing this and talking the way I am to him. But also not ashamed because of what he did. I am so lost. I really like this guy and love my husband or maybe i love him? I mean if you love someone why act that way?


Allow me to inject a little reality. Sunflower, you were the one who started everything playing strip poker. And you also admitted to constantly flirting with other guys even in the presence of your husband. The whole time you were dealing with these issues b4, you were talking about sleeping with someone to get back at him for kissing your friend. Looks like you are just trying to justify your lust. Do me a favor. You love to show pictures of your precious little ones. Get out your family album and take a good look a who you're betraying along with your husband.


----------



## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Gotta agree with InIt on this one. You know exactly what you are doing Sunflower, and i'm afraid once you go thru with it (because we all know you will, I've read and commented on your posts before), you're going to come back crying about how you made a horrible mistake and want your family back, or blah blah blah. You KNOW better, but you chose to do wrong anyhow. You're not ashamed dear...YOU are hooked on DRAMA. Is it really worth destroying your kids lives over?


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Sunflower has low self-esteem and needs constant reminders that she's attractive or desirable. Her esteem is so low, she doesn't care how much she hurts her husband because as a matter of fact, the more it would hurt him, the larger the self-esteem boost. She needs him to hurt in order to feel good herself.

This is a person who needs help. But I wouldn't expect her to give up this guy. And if she did, she'd just find another one.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

dobo said:


> the more it would hurt him, the larger the self-esteem boost. She needs him to hurt in order to feel good herself.


interesting- never saw it that way but it makes sense.


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Sunflower, where did you go? Or is this just a record of your fall. Will you receive no counsel b4 you act?


----------



## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

She does not want counsel. She wants an audience. I agree with dobo, but I just can't muster any sympathy or even empathy for someone who only cares about themselves.

And to quote to her one of her replies to ANOTHER poster... "karma is a b!tch." Sunflower may want to remember that....but I doubt she will.


----------



## crazy&conflicted (Oct 1, 2009)

Wow. That's good dobo- I must be like that too. Low self-esteem and needing constant reminders of my worthiness. Easy to say that though about someone. I haven't read sunflowers stuff, and it is quite strange to be talking about a potential affair next to pictures of your children. But.. well. In the throes of my own affair (I'm not married to my partner btw or have children with him- because he's not ready) sometimes when you think to yourself- "oh, it must be because I'm a fundamentally terrible person, or I have low self-esteem.." It almost justifies it. Not that I don't think I am, of course, I think I'm selfish, indulgent, deluded, unhappy, distressed and weak. And its just downright horrible place to be in.. I just don't know if its very constructive to say such things.. know what I mean? Unless, you're just venting your frustrations about "cheaters". I used to as well, I used to actually think- wouldn't it be a smart move if you could sue mistresses?! that'd stop the selfish b*&ches and then I became one myself = (


----------



## crazy&conflicted (Oct 1, 2009)

Also.. I'm not sure if sunflower feels the same but yeah karma is a b*tch and I think there's a part of you when you've got yourself into an indulgent place that you're aware that you deserve the punishment. Every bit of pain, physical or mental that comes my way at the moment, I feel I deserve. So karma doesn't scare, it could possibly help cancel out the guilt you feel at fulfilling whatever it is you feel so compelled to fulfill.


----------



## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Maybe if you HAD read Sunflower's stuff, you WOULD understand the tone of the posts. If you are so sad that you have turned into a cheater, maybe you should talk to a counselor. It's better to do that, then take the easy way out and destroy lives because you cannot deal with your issues.


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

dobo said:


> Sunflower has low self-esteem and needs constant reminders that she's attractive or desirable. Her esteem is so low, she doesn't care how much she hurts her husband because as a matter of fact, the more it would hurt him, the larger the self-esteem boost. She needs him to hurt in order to feel good herself.
> 
> This is a person who needs help. But I wouldn't expect her to give up this guy. And if she did, she'd just find another one.


Sad but true you are right. I have major self esteem issues and i think that I need to feel something good or bad just something. I am so dependant on ppl thinking I am attractive I guess I think thats what makes a person is looks? I think that growing up seeing all the attractive ppl getting everything and now thats what maybe I believe is that he thought I wasnt up to parr and I am consistantly needing to be assured I am.


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Also I dont feel that I HAVE cheated and I know I started all of this. I ran into the ex friend today at the liquor store it was crazy like we didnt skip a beat well kidding. It was weird at first she wouldbt look me in the eye? But we started takling me talking more out of me with the nerves. But I do love my husband I think that I am just having a litle fun with some attention. But when it came down to even a kiss I really dont think that I can do that/


----------



## martino (May 12, 2008)

Hey Sunflower, my wife her best friend is 39. Always said she cheated to know she's still attracted by someone besides her husband. Anyway now they are getting divorced, both moving from a nice big family home into single condos as that's all they could afford independantly. One of the two kids is acting out in school and hitting other kids. All started with a kiss of a co-worker. 

From following your posts since last year I think you need some counseling CBT therapy I think I can tell by your posts that possibly you are mentally hyper. You over think everything. You need to "defrag." Go sit on a beach and stare out into the water for 5 hours. Take up yoga and meditation, clear your mind clear your temple. Cut down on caffeine.


----------



## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Cheating isn't really about sex, it is actually a fantasy for selfish, immature people, who are too cowardly to get a divorce. Instead, they are hanging on to their spouse, so they will likely have someone to fall back on when reality sets in.

-Just My Opinion


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

martino said:


> Hey Sunflower, my wife her best friend is 39. Always said she cheated to know she's still attracted by someone besides her husband. Anyway now they are getting divorced, both moving from a nice big family home into single condos as that's all they could afford independantly. One of the two kids is acting out in school and hitting other kids. All started with a kiss of a co-worker.
> 
> From following your posts since last year I think you need some counseling CBT therapy I think I can tell by your posts that possibly you are mentally hyper. You over think everything. You need to "defrag." Go sit on a beach and stare out into the water for 5 hours. Take up yoga and meditation, clear your mind clear your temple. Cut down on caffeine.



Ya I know! I think that I have always had somewhat of a self esteem noot the best but after he did this I think that it got pretty bad. I only cared what he thought of me and how I looked and him doing tha I think that I am not attractive to him he tells me all the time I am but? I think that I am so obsessed with apperance I think that its the first most important thing? Its so messed up. But everything revolves around that expecially where I live ppl are so crazy about apperance. I just feel that I need to be assured I am still wanted by men and that I didnt lose it and thats why he did it cause my looks?


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

foolz1 said:


> Cheating isn't really about sex, it is actually a fantasy for selfish, immature people, who are too cowardly to get a divorce. Instead, they are hanging on to their spouse, so they will likely have someone to fall back on when reality sets in.
> 
> -Just My Opinion


 I agree with you I think that cheating is more of a selfish assurance that you still got it.


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

You know, it is possible to know you're attractive without having to cheat. There's a guy at work that fills up my little ego gas tank, but there's no chance in hell of cheating. He just makes nice comments about how I look. I don't have to do anything except show up. 

Cheating requires effort. Work. So exactly what have you been given? Nothing. You worked for it. You cultivated the attraction. It wasn't free. And it comes with strings attached.

If you look at it that way, cheating or getting close to cheating isn't as great a measure of your attractiveness or a sign that you've still "got it" (whatever "it" is). It is a better measure of your willingness to lie to yourself and to your family to get something that isn't real because the lie is better than nothing.


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya so we went out with some friends last night. And well I think that I am just really sick and tired of the way that my husband treats me. So then I start texting the guy from work right and I just come off so desperate I HATEEEE how I am turning out its making me sick to thinkn that I am this person now. I dont want to lose my husband but then I am also sometime NOT wanting to be with him. I dont know if something just died when all of our drama happend or if he isnt giving me the attention that I need. I dont know and I dont knjow what to do? I am really starting to like the guy from work and he has told me that he likes me to but he doesnt want to be that guy that broke up a marriage/


----------



## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

You and that guy are both pathetic. When you start posting in the divorce forum I promise I will not be the only one to say I told you so.


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

well i wouldnt say we are pathetic at all my husband cheated on me then after that he hasnt really gave me anything that shows me he is in this marriage to be with me and not just the kids? so its fine that you call me pathetic cause you dont know me and you dont know the story of our lifes.


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I know the story, and I won't call you pathetic. Cheater (or about to be) yes, pathetic no. Looks like you're ready to flush your marriage. Oh well. You're just getting bored without drama. So you will end up cheating and leave your family in ashes. Your choice.


----------



## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

You, dear Sunflower, are addicted to drama. Lets not forget YOUR part in the downfall of your marriage. I'm guessing the desire to play strip poker with a bunch of guys was another attempt to validate that you are good looking enough to get their attention. Grow up hon, looks (good or bad) do not figure in when a lot of guys are looking for an easy peace of action. If you're willing to provide, they are going to be willing to stand in line and wait. It has nothing to do with how hot you or they think you are. 
If you are willing to destroy your marriage, at least be woman enough to LEAVE your husband first before you hook up with some guy, who, by the way, will decide to take his toys and go play somewhere else when the thrill of the chase has worn off. Stand on your own to feet, quit putting your kids thru this chaos, and figure out what is so horribly absent in YOU that you have to create this kind of drama in your life to feel wanted.


----------



## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Mommybean said:


> You, dear Sunflower, are addicted to drama. Lets not forget YOUR part in the downfall of your marriage. I'm guessing the desire to play strip poker with a bunch of guys was another attempt to validate that you are good looking enough to get their attention. Grow up hon, looks (good or bad) do not figure in when a lot of guys are looking for an easy peace of action. If you're willing to provide, they are going to be willing to stand in line and wait. It has nothing to do with how hot you or they think you are.
> If you are willing to destroy your marriage, at least be woman enough to LEAVE your husband first before you hook up with some guy, who, by the way, will decide to take his toys and go play somewhere else when the thrill of the chase has worn off. Stand on your own to feet, quit putting your kids thru this chaos, and figure out what is so horribly absent in YOU that you have to create this kind of drama in your life to feel wanted.


Excellent advice, Mommybean! 

Sunflower, maybe you should take this "hot addiction" to a different level, and the games you are playing with people's lives should cease, especially for your children's sake.


----------



## Lostandconfused (Jul 6, 2009)

Shamless,

I'm so saddened by your posts. What a mess you've allowed yourself to get into by deceiving your own self.

You cannot justify your reactions/actions by whatever it is your husband did or does or is going to do. Your actions must stand on their own. 

What does that mean? That means that it's time to step up to the mirror and take a long, hard, wide open-eyed look at YOU. What are you doing? Is it right or wrong? By right or wrong I mean, does it build up and make your marriage better or does it tear it down and make it harder to mend the brokenness?

Stop looking outside yourself to find the "make me feel good about me". That is only a temporary "fix" and when the source of the feeling good moves on or isn't as forceful you're going to return to looking for more. You have to find a way to feel good about you because YOU feel good about you.

If you keep making decisions that you know are wrong you're never going to have that. Want it badly enough to stop doing what you're doing. IF you decide you want out of the marriage, fine, then do that but none of this playing both sides of the coin. In the end you'll lose.

Wishing you the very best and praying that you'll find yourself.
Lost


----------



## iwillsurvive (Mar 4, 2009)

Sunflower- 
Don't do the same thing to your husband that he did to you. The revenge won't make you feel better, it will just make you sink to his level. You say you want to save your marriage, but for someone who says they want to save their marriage, your actions are not showing that. 

Take a long, hard look at this other guy. More than likely you like him because he's "new & shiny". He doesn't have a history with you, he hasn't hurt you like your husband has. But I guarantee that he still has flaws. Flaws that you aren't seeing. Flaws that once you do cheat and the novelty of it wears off, you may find that his flaws are worse than whatever flaws you see in your husband. 

Do you really want to get into a relationship and hope to make it work when the new person knows you have no problem stepping outside your marriage? Do you think that is really a good way to start a relationship of trust? They already know you have no problem cheating on someone you supposedly love, so why wouldn't he get into this relationship with you wondering how long it will be until you cheat on him? 

If your marriage is really as awful as you seem to think it is and your husband really doesn't care, then take your kids and walk away. And make sure you are ok with yourself before you go out looking to have everyone else validate you, otherwise you will be in a cycle of one failed relationship after another and you will never be happy with any of them.


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I know you guys are right and I know that what I am doing isnt right. I just thought that if I did this I would feel what he felt you know what I mean that if I did it I would also know what it is that I wanted I mean this man I could never EVER see me with I think that he is just someone that I know that I could do something with. and figure it out. BUT I am dont I havent spoke to him like that in two weeks now!


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

You're not going to find an answer to a problem within yourself by doing something with someone else. All you will do is further damage your relationships with everyone, including the relationship you have with yourself.

Good for you staying away for 2 weeks!


----------



## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

sunflower said:


> So I am still talking with the co worker and we basically told eachother that we done trust one and another alone! I am so ashamed that I am doing this and talking the way I am to him. But also not ashamed because of what he did. I am so lost. I really like this guy and love my husband or maybe i love him? I mean if you love someone why act that way?


Hey Sun, you know I've been following your threads and I know the situation about him cheating (don't care if it was a kiss and grab, its still cheating) and it hurts.You know my story, its a king size story of cheating and betrayal. As soon as I was certain, my thoughts went immediately to find someone else. I think this was 1) to confirm that I was still desirable, this is a huge hit to how a woman feels about herself 2) I wanted to cause him pain the way he made me feel. 3) The other guy showed me interest in me, he was a clean slate. 

I ended up not phoning other guy back (it was a few innocent conversations and I did not tell him I was married, he made an assumption I was divorced and I let him..) but I realized the 3 people hurt most in this would be my 2 kids and he guy and I actually cared enough about him that it mattered. So I just stopped texting/calling back and it was at that point a friendship. But I knew I was vulnerable and attacted to him so couldn't maintain that. 

In the end, still with my H, reconciling but it does cross my mind. It won't ever happen as I have to get up and look myself in the mirror and in to my kids faces and I want to always be proud of how I acted regardless of my husband's stupid choices. 

So do not do it. You can't trust the feelings you have for him as real, he's like an icepack on a big bump. It feels good right now, but the ice will melt and you gotta look at the bump. Its either serious and you do something about it or it will heal. Do yourself and the other guy a favor, resolve your issues with your husband. If you separate and file for divorce, then when you are ready if he is still there for you, its real.


----------



## lorithehun (Sep 22, 2009)

AZMOMOFTWO, I wish I had been more like you. 

I had a retaliatory affair.
The end result was that I became as unfaithful to *myself* as I felt my husband had been to me. I sank to the depths that I always swore I wouldn't. I became a liar, a cheater and a *hypocrite*.
It's not worth it.


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

It just still hurts it hurs to the inside of my core. It really shouldnt but it does I have moved on in my life I have and I have seen her and have moved on with that to. But him he is the love of my life my everything and the father to my children the man that I devote and look for when I am hurt and to be my hero and well I feel as if he is no longer my hero because he betrayed me I look in the mirror now and I see me as a cheater cause I am. And I am ashamed of myself what I have done I will confess to you guys I cant tell him he will leave me. But I talked sexual to this man about how and what we both wanted to do to eachother and well we almost kissed. There were some pretty heated conversations when he admitted to bein turned on. And even a few pics exchanged. I feel Awful and now that I am typing this down it makes me feel sick. I am so horrible in my actions and cant believe how I reacted to some high school BS that happend two years ago.. I am pathetic you guys are right.


----------



## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

sirch said:


> You and that guy are both pathetic. When you start posting in the divorce forum I promise I will not be the only one to say I told you so.


Wow! a bit harsh I'd say. 

It does hit a woman (or man's) self esteem when this happens. But you won't get it back with an affair. I think you know that though and you don't intend on doing it. Right now you have done nothing wrong, but if you have an affair, you are as bad as he was. So time to do something more constructive.


----------



## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

lorithehun said:


> AZMOMOFTWO, I wish I had been more like you.
> 
> I had a retaliatory affair.
> The end result was that I became as unfaithful to *myself* as I felt my husband had been to me. I sank to the depths that I always swore I wouldn't. I became a liar, a cheater and a *hypocrite*.
> It's not worth it.


Well to be fair to you..you were not thinking straight. The night I confirmed my H was having an affair, and confronted him on his cell phone he was on a date with her. When I told him what I'd found on his computer and he could not get out of it he said "well then our marriage is over" and hung up on me. I did have a man interested in me, and I liked him. He was sweet, and a friend who I'd just met. He did not know I was married. I thought of going over to his house. What would that have solved? But was not thinking at all straight. Fortunately I was watching my son so sanity prevailed, I did something else, I changed the locks on the house! 

One thing I can always say is I am very proud of myself in how I handled this. I was a doormat a bit too long (he was waving the affair in my face yet I seemed to need to be smacked in the face with it), but I am proud of me. 

I hope my daughter will never be faced with this, but if she is I hope she acts as I did. I hope my son never acts as his father did. Unfortunately, my husband has to live with that. He is very ashamed and would take it all back if he could. 

Ironically this was more of a self-esteem issue for HIM! He had gotten older and thought he was no longer attractive, and my validation of that was not good enough, after all I was approaching 40. Having an affair did nothing to help his self-esteem, it actually made it worse. We are getting over it, some definate rough patches. 

Lorithehun - let it go! It is time to forgive yourself and move on. Are you still with your H? Be proud of how you handle your circumstances now, you can't go back and change it so today, do things you are proud of and let the rest go.


----------



## Lostandconfused (Jul 6, 2009)

Lori, Sunflower,

I understand how you feel, I do! 

I want to tell you both that you're NOT horrible. Yes, you made horrible mistakes but you have true remorse and regret so there is good in you. It's time to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself but don't forget the lesson you've learned. You will heal in time and you will be stronger and better able to face those type of temptations in the future, better prepared with what you now know!

You two are on the road to healing. I know it doesn't feel like it. Please keep coming here to vent if it helps. I'll continue praying for you Sun and Lori, you've been added to my list. Pray for me too for I need prayer as much as any.

AZMOMOFTWO ... kudos to you! You've obviously learned this lesson in another way and that's wonderful. I'm so glad you don't live with that burden and thank you for supporting those that do. You have a generous heart.

Once again, I'm reminded, there but for the Grace of God, go I. There are things I've done that I never believed would be possible. It's hard to admit we are human and fail, but God has given us strength and wisdom to be able to learn from our mistakes. I choose to move forward knowing my weaknesses so I can fortify myself against them.

Hugs!!!
Lost


----------



## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

LostandConfused:
Your post touched my heart and reminded me how much I need all of you. This is how I have gotten through the most difficult time of my life. 

Thank you!


----------



## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

We are faced with temptation often; it is what you don't do that matters. It is a conscience choice to have an affair, and it is completely up to each and every one of us to control ourselves. Adults should not need a babysitter, but I know many who probably do need one to prevent them from "stealing from the cookie jar." Betraying the one person who has been there for you, regardless of the length of your relationship, is just plain wrong. The cheaters usually have no idea how their foolish choices will backfire and negatively affect everyone around them.


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

What can I say. Next stop sex. It will happen and then you will be eaten with guilt. You will confess (you know you will) and your marriage will be over. Its like a slow motion train wreck.


----------



## Lostandconfused (Jul 6, 2009)

Initfortheduration said:


> What can I say. Next stop sex. It will happen and then you will be eaten with guilt. You will confess (you know you will) and your marriage will be over. Its like a slow motion train wreck.


I'm sorry IIFTD, I realize you have some history with Sunflower's past posts but I'm not sure how this was constructive or fair regardless of the past. Sometimes people DO change.

Personally, Sun I'd say prove them wrong! You CAN decide to do the right thing ... NOTHING is set in stone at this point. Change your future because it's within YOUR control!

Lost


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

If she can imagine losing everything, maybe she will turnaround b4 its to late. I would like nothing more then to be proven wrong. Sunflower knows this. If I am harsh its because I can't kick her in the a$$.


----------



## Lostandconfused (Jul 6, 2009)

Initfortheduration said:


> If she can imagine losing everything, maybe she will turnaround b4 its to late. I would like nothing more then to be proven wrong. Sunflower knows this. If I am harsh its because I can't kick her in the a$$.


GREAT! Now I can see you care about her and have a vested concern! Thank YOU for showing that!

[smiles]
Lost


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

AZMOMOFTWO said:


> Well to be fair to you..you were not thinking straight. The night I confirmed my H was having an affair, and confronted him on his cell phone he was on a date with her. When I told him what I'd found on his computer and he could not get out of it he said "well then our marriage is over" and hung up on me. I did have a man interested in me, and I liked him. He was sweet, and a friend who I'd just met. He did not know I was married. I thought of going over to his house. What would that have solved? But was not thinking at all straight. Fortunately I was watching my son so sanity prevailed, I did something else, I changed the locks on the house!
> 
> One thing I can always say is I am very proud of myself in how I handled this. I was a doormat a bit too long (he was waving the affair in my face yet I seemed to need to be smacked in the face with it), but I am proud of me.
> 
> ...






"well then our marriage is over" HE REALLY SAID THAT TO YOU? when I confronted my H the night he came home he said pretty much the same thing. I took it as he really doesnt give a crap. I was hurt. But as time goes on I just dont know like last night he went to a halloween party with friends I didnt go cause I broke my leg so I didnt have the energy. He said I will be home at 1 didnt come home until 5 I am still livid I just dont get this guy does he even care at all what we say or about my feelings? Good for you cause I wish that I could do what you have done someimes!


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Lostandconfused said:


> Lori, Sunflower,
> 
> I understand how you feel, I do!
> 
> ...




Thank you for your words I hope that things are getting better with you!


----------



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Initfortheduration said:


> If she can imagine losing everything, maybe she will turnaround b4 its to late. I would like nothing more then to be proven wrong. Sunflower knows this. If I am harsh its because I can't kick her in the a$$.




Ya I know but the things that make me act this way is HIM he seems so careless sometimes and cares more about himself and football. I just broke my leg two weeks ago and I feel like its testing our marriage. He is so mean I dont know if its cause he is picking up my slack with kids pets house dinner? But I do this everyday and its alot. He doesnt tell me wow you do alot he just complains and is mean to me and the kids. I want to cry because I feel like a prisoner and he acts like I am a big burdon so I have started trying to do things more and he improves with his attitude it just makes me so angry that he is like this.


----------



## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

You and only you are responsible for your actions. He can act in a way that you have no control over, just as you can do the same. Your actions should not be influenced based on his.


----------

