# What to do if spouse doesn't accept that it is over



## Goodwoman (Dec 11, 2009)

*What to do if spouse doesn't accept that it is over *UPDATED**

Last weekend, my hubby came home at 5 am after being at a new club's ladies' night (after I found a text of where that night's "spot" was). He lied and said that he had been home since midnight, but was in the garage with his brother and friend talking and smoking cigars....which isn't an excuse either at that hour IMO. I went on to find a woman he met's phone number that called at 12:45 that night. Of course there was a reason and excuse for that too. Then I decided to look at his email on his phone, and long story short, to my horror he is also on a dating site,although I found no messages....BUT he still took the time to set up a profile and the type of girl he was looking for, with the headline "If you want a secret relationship, I'm the man for you." I'm sure you can imagine how I felt about all this. And, this is not the first time (first for the dating site thing, that still makes me nauseous). 

So, of course I tell him I'm dine and tired of giving him chances and I want him out. He acted like nothing was wrong later in the day. I've been out of tiown all week, and last night I get a text about me not calling all week....WHAT?! To boot, he claims he has always been faithful because he has never slept with anyone else. So, when exactly are his actions cheating...he didn't answer that one. A year and a half ago, he asked a girl out and fir pics, etc on his phone....oh but she was a stripper so that didn't mean anything...anyway, I am done.if he doesn't go, I am leaving. I have had it, and really after all the other crap, don't see where I have a choice. Do I need to be scared of him going ballistic when he gets served papers? He isn't getting it when I'm telling him it's over.

*UPDATE***

So, I got back last night, and today, a very intoxicated H is blaming me because he cant satisfy me, so everything he has done over 10 years, including escorts and the like, was to see if it is really me that's the problem...still swearing he never sleep with anyone, just showed his package and asked if they would be happy with him........with?! No way is any of this my fault. To me, there is no excuse, and every bit of that is sick and cheating. But, I made him this way, according to him....


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Goodwoman said:


> Last weekend, my hubby came home at 5 am after being at a new club's ladies' night (after I found a text of where that night's "spot" was). He lied and said that he had been home since midnight, but was in the garage with his brother and friend talking and smoking cigars....which isn't an excuse either at that hour IMO. I went on to find a woman he met's phone number that called at 12:45 that night. Of course there was a reason and excuse for that too. Then I decided to look at his email on his phone, and long story short, to my horror he is also on a dating site,although I found no messages....BUT he still took the time to set up a profile and the type of girl he was looking for, with the headline "If you want a secret relationship, I'm the man for you." I'm sure you can imagine how I felt about all this. And, this is not the first time (first for the dating site thing, that still makes me nauseous).
> 
> So, of course I tell him I'm dine and tired of giving him chances and I want him out. He acted like nothing was wrong later in the day. I've been out of tiown all week, and last night I get a text about me not calling all week....WHAT?! To boot, he claims he has always been faithful because he has never slept with anyone else. So, when exactly are his actions cheating...he didn't answer that one. A year and a half ago, he asked a girl out and fir pics, etc on his phone....oh but she was a stripper so that didn't mean anything...anyway, I am done.if he doesn't go, I am leaving. I have had it, and really after all the other crap, don't see where I have a choice. Do I need to be scared of him going ballistic when he gets served papers? He isn't getting it when I'm telling him it's over.



His actions are "cheating" at the exact moment he decided he needed to hide his activities from you. Your gut feelings are correct: Mentally and emotionally he is not 100% in the marriage. You will need to jolt him to make him realize this.

Serving papers might be the only way. If you're truly done - don't even worry about whether he gets it or not. Just serve the papers and be done with him.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Let the divorce papers and your lawyer do your talking for you.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

My husband is the KING of acting like everything is great when its not. He knows its not but think if he pretends its ok it will go away and all will be well.

Sorry you found more "crap" to add to the file.

Good luck, when will you see him again?


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## Goodwoman (Dec 11, 2009)

I have actually been in Dallas all week, and will be going back today because he keeps dumping the boys off on his family and they aren't getting to where they need to be. He actuallyvhad the nerve to tell me I'm on Linked In and somehow that is the same as being on a dating site...how dumb do I look?!


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Goodwoman said:


> I have actually been in Dallas all week, and will be going back today because he keeps dumping the boys off on his family and they aren't getting to where they need to be. He actuallyvhad the nerve to tell me I'm on Linked In and somehow that is the same as being on a dating site...how dumb do I look?!


HAHA, yeah LinkedIn is scandalous! Im sure everyone looks for their next "mate" that way, gotta make sure they have a good career first.LOL


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

There's a Seinfeld episode where George breaks up with his gf but she won't let him. She simply doesn't agree & this throws him.

Your H is a real liar, so acting like you're not serious and this will just go away probably isn't much of a stretch. For me, the dating site thing would be the absolute end of things. I agree that you should let your lawyer make things clear to him.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Goodwoman said:


> I have actually been in Dallas all week, and will be going back today because *he keeps dumping the boys off on his family* and they aren't getting to where they need to be. He actuallyvhad the nerve to tell me I'm on Linked In and somehow that is the same as being on a dating site...how dumb do I look?!


He's probably doing this so he can hook up for sex.

First, read the newbie link in my signature.

Then get tested for STD's.

He's only admitting to what he knows you know. 

My husband did similar things, and I kicked him out. He actually went though. Yours doesn't think you're serious. So let him know you are. Either file for divorce, or pack all his **** in garbage bags and put it on the lawn and change the locks.


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## Goodwoman (Dec 11, 2009)

Hope, I've been tested a few times, and don't believe him for a second. Today, I learned I have always been right, but he blames me.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

From a man's perspective, the excuses he's making is a complete load of crap. Blame shifting bullsh!t


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Goodwoman said:


> Today, I learned I have always been right, but he blames me.


It's easier for him that way.

It sounds like he's really scared on going his own way - he doesn't seem to realise that it's not his decision to make.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

You could turn it around on him. Tell him you are heading out to a male strip club with some friends. Wear some sexy underwear and make sure he knows you have it on. Do it a few weekends in a row. Hang out at a friends house and then come home sometime after 4:00am, well after the bars and clubs close. Splash on some men's cologne before you come into the house. If he cares about you at all he will go nuts.

... or better yet, just leave the a$$hole


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So is all his stuff in garbage bags on the lawn yet?


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## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

I'm sorry! If you're not getting anything out of this relationship, you should end it and move on. You deserve a faithful honest man. I think they still exist somewhere.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bet he doesn't look like an utter loser, though, does he? But he is one.

You are right. Time to move on.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Goodwoman said:


> Hope, I've been tested a few times, and don't believe him for a second. Today, I learned I have always been right, but he blames me.


On Xmas my husband blamed me for his affair. I wouldn't allow him to make me the scapegoat for his bad choices. He doesn't blame me now. But I also filed for divorce after 1 month....
Just let him be served and be done with his pathetic ass!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goodwoman (Dec 11, 2009)

I definitely don't feel that anything is my fault. He definitely admitted to way more than I thought, but I still feel it is a half truth because he swears he never slept with anyone. Apparently it isn't cheating until you do that in his book....um I don't think so! Now he is gone for 2 months...I want it over by then. I finally have time Friday to go and talk to a lawyer. He thinks now that because he stayed home all day Sunday and went to church that makes it better....don't think so buddy. My thing is, he is a very good looking guy....some of what he has done someone like him should not have a problem picking up someone...which he's done that too...clearly. I don't even know if papers are going to get him to go away. He is in complete denial that it is over.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Sounds a little narcissistic to me.
Seems to be unable to grasp the idea that someone would want to be rid of a cracking catch like him!
I mean, the very idea........absurd. He's too good to be dumped. Perhaps if he stays around a little longer she will see what a quality piece of bloke he is and then she'll realise that she's being daft and all will be ok again.


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## Goodwoman (Dec 11, 2009)

Numb-badger said:


> Sounds a little narcissistic to me.
> Seems to be unable to grasp the idea that someone would want to be rid of a cracking catch like him!
> I mean, the very idea........absurd. He's too good to be dumped. Perhaps if he stays around a little longer she will see what a quality piece of bloke he is and then she'll realise that she's being daft and all will be ok again.


I agree. Everything I have seen online points to narcissistic tendencies....he goes from crazy mad to the next day acting like nothing is wrong. It is exhausting, and he isn't even here! I plan on filing in the next week or so. You can't reconcile with someone that is never wrong! He even wants to put in the papers who I can and can't date...true red flag!


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Goodwoman said:


> He even wants to put in the papers who I can and can't date...true red flag!


Red flag? I don't think so. Sounds more like strait jacket. It's immaterial now, but I'm assuming you didn't know he had this 'mindset' when you married him.


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