# Sexless, HD, and Weight gain



## clearskies (Jun 9, 2012)

Hello everyone! So like others, I have been reading in this forum for a while now and felt that it was time to share and get support/advice. Of course there is more to my story, but I am not trying to write a book. 

_ Background:_ I am 31 and have been married 7 years. My husband and I were both virgins when we got married, but even before then I knew that I was an HD person. During our dating I always wanted to make out and fondle, basically everyday, and every time I saw him. I knew I wanted to give my whole sexual self to the man I married. I talked and dreamt about the places we we make love: on the couch, in the car, at the store :smthumbup:, I wanted to be sexually adventurous with my husband as a reward to myself and him. I was willing to try everything, because I was green and knew nothing. Well, that is not how it happened.  After getting married, I found out that I had a medical condition causing me the inability to have sex (how ironic), which I got fixed within two months after our wedding date. But after my operation, my newlywed husband couldn't keep an erection, and we don’t have sex. During the first 6 years, I would get sex maybe once a month, sometimes just oral, sometimes going months without anything. He wouldn’t go to a doctor or therapist, and when he did all his levels where normal and being so young (In his twenties at the time, now in his thirties) most chalked it up to being psychological.

_Problem:_ During this time, like other wives have mentioned, I took all the rejection personally, and because I didn’t want to cheat on my husband, began to feed my loneliness. So of course I gained weight. The more he rejected me, the more I turned to food for comfort and in part prevention. I think I knew that by eating, I was numbing the pain, reducing my horny drive, while getting fatter and making it easier to justify staying with him and his low drive behaviors because now I am fat and ugly, no one wants me. So well, I had an awakening recently and said I don’t want to live like this anymore. I have decided to lose this weight with the goal of being smaller than when I met him. Maybe his low drive is due to my weight gain, hence the vicious cycle. I don’t want to leave him as I want to see if losing weight, making myself more attractive, will make a difference. But with this decision, I must now feel every desire, which I know will increase as I lose weight. I’m afraid that I may have an affair, or revert back to hide the pain. How do keep myself on this path, without losing my mind!?!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

clearskies said:


> Maybe his low drive is due to my weight gain, hence the vicious cycle.


Not to be a downer but losing weight is not going to fix this.


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## clearskies (Jun 9, 2012)

Mavash, I agree that it may not change. I don't want to have any justifications to his behavior. I want to say, "I lost weight, I am in the best shape of my life, if you still don't want me, so be it" But at least I'll know I gave it my all. I guess it's the hurdle I must overcome before I say "I don't"


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

been there done that. I gained weight during the sexless part of my marriage to ease my pain. "Of course he doesn't want me, I'm fat" Stupid I know, but it did soften the ego blow. You need to have a REAL talk with him. Tell him everything you said above and how the rejection makes you feel. I did after about 10 years of little or none and he saw a doctor and is working on the mental issues. Now I can't go 3 days without some lovin'. We have kids and I told him that when they were gone to college (the first one leaving in 4 years) that I was afraid that we would have nothing left of us and we would be one of those empty nest statistics of divorce. 

Nice side effect is all those annoying little things he does don't bother me now! The resentment is subsiding after 6 months of intimacy. I've lost 10 lbs and have 10 to go! Tell him everything, you've got a lot to loose and a even more to gain (no pun intended!)


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