# Is it WRONG to text him just to piss OW off?



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

I find myself texting him for various bs just hoping I'm pissing her off! I figure what goes around comes around! They were texting each other for months before I finally caught him! What are your thoughts?


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## soultired (Apr 8, 2012)

Stop texting him.... let them live their life... YOU live yours... make it a good one, free of him, and free of bull****.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

No I wouldn't be doing any such thing - you are still letting him and their relationship control you and your behaviour

How will you ever really be free if you're still sat there focusing on whether or not you're annoying her? More than likely you're annoying him. Let him wonder what you're doing and what you're up to and who you're up to


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

grow up.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If you get enjoyment from it, then go ahead, why not piss her off and make his life as unpleasant as possible.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

You might annoy them or more likely they might get a good laugh at you at your expense. You're showing him how much you still think about him. Do you really want him to know that you think of him when he doesn't think of you?


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Orpheus said:


> grow up.


:iagree: I mean seriously....


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

The first thing I thought when I read this thread was "she's gotta grow up!" and then I realized some one else already said that so I won't say it.

It's more than just growing up though. 

It's more like evolving.


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## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Some take themselves way too seriously on this thread! lighten up ! :banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

No, it's not about taking yourself seriously - it's about moving on. They are just talking crap about you and how you are bat sh*t crazy and how glad he is that he's gone.

The grown up thing to do is not create additional animosity. Let it go. Yes you are obviously thinking about them/the situation a LOT. It's much more mature to move on and consider yourself glad to be free of a cheater.

My favorite quote: "The best revenge is living well". I'd much rather ignore the ex and go on making MY life good vs. his life bad. Much more productive and pleasant. 

So yeah, grow up.


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## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

i am not rehashing stuff but asking simple questions regarding things that he use to take care of. he has texted me several times as well . we are already divorced so i do not want his ass back, i just in some way hope it does piss her off! jeez


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I don't text....I guess I'm an oddball. If my spouse does not care to save our M, when the D is final.....you go your way, I go mine. No chats, emails, coffee dates, FWB....sorry you lose that privilege. But that's just me. 
OG-They may think you're jealous but how it makes you feel is what is important. Or try what I told a friend to do in college. His close friend went behind his back and was dating his g/f. The guy who got jilted sent him a box of doughnuts with a note saying 'forgive n forget'. Few days later he sent pics of the doughnuts hanging on his erect thingy. I still laugh about that 20 years later.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

office girlie said:


> i am not rehashing stuff but asking simple questions regarding things that he use to take care of. he has texted me several times as well . we are already divorced so i do not want his ass back, i just in some way hope it does piss her off! jeez


If he texts you, then respond if you wish. If it gets her upset it's not your concern.

Other than that just let it go. Live a better and happier life than you had with him. 

Though sometimes... it might just be fun.... I mean just saying...


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

office girlie said:


> I find myself texting him for various bs just hoping I'm pissing her off!





office girlie said:


> i am not rehashing stuff but asking simple questions regarding things that he use to take care of.. i just in some way hope it does piss her off!


Wait, are you texting him just to piss her off or are you texting her and hoping it does just piss her off in some way even though that's not the goal of the texting?

The juxtaposition of the word "just" in those two posts of yours changes the meanings quite a bit.


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## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

I see your point! The only point I was trying to make is I find myself needing to ask him a question and as he will only relate by text only I have to send a text. Although we didn't have children we did have a home that he walked away from and I am left here to maintain and make the mortgage so pardon me if I have a few questions! If it pisses her off that's just too bad!


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## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

This was JUST a thought and really I don't need to dissect it


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Who was it that said " the best revenge is living well"??

Dont text. He is RELISHING the attention. 

Just move on and live well!



P.S. it wasnt just a thought hon, youve been doing it. If you let it, trying to get even will take over your life to no ones detriment but your own.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

office girlie said:


> I see your point! The only point I was trying to make is I find myself needing to ask him a question and as he will only relate by text only I have to send a text. Although we didn't have children we did have a home that he walked away from and I am left here to maintain and make the mortgage so pardon me if I have a few questions! If it pisses her off that's just too bad!


Is he texting you about legitimate things that he really needs a reply from you and that you legitimately need to respond to?

If he is then go ahead and reply to him. If she gets upset about legitimate txting then so what. That's their problem not yours.

If his texts are not about things that you really need to repond to and/or take care of then ignore him. 

You should be more upset with him then with her. He's the one who made vows to love you, etc etc. He's the one who owed you something. 

she's more like some mugger who comes up to you on the street. She owed you nothing.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

office girlie said:


> If it pisses her off that's just too bad!


First it was texting him intentionally to piss her off (as per the thread title and subsequent post), then it was texting him for reasons other than to piss her off, and now it's texting him even though it may piss her off.

Just keeping things straight over here.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

office girlie said:


> The only point I was trying to make is I find myself needing to ask him a question and as he will only relate by text only I have to send a text. Although we didn't have children we did have a home that he walked away from and I am left here to maintain and make the mortgage so pardon me if I have a few questions! If it pisses her off that's just too bad!


So what was the point of this thread? :scratchhead: 

It sounds like you were asking if it's wrong to text your EX in order to piss off his GF off. 

NOW you are asking if it's ok to text him at all? And if she HAPPENS to be there and is pissed off is there a problem? 

Well geez, if you have to text him for a legitimate reason then just do it. If his GF is pissed off then it's HIS problem. 

But if you are doing it intentionally to piss off his GF and make life difficult for him then it's time to move on and get a life of your own. 

If you don't like the answers you get when you ask a question, then don't ask the question in the first place.


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## timeforpain (Apr 29, 2012)

I'm not an expert on how to heal after a divorce, but I'm pretty sure this is not it.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Op I fully get it that you want to piss her off but just let it go.

The energy you are using on this issue would be better spent on doing positive things for yourself. Creating drama and bad energy is going to stop your personal growth, they will move on with their lives regardless and you will stuck being bitter and jaded.

I have a friend that even 14 years post divorce is still not over it, she did things like txting, calling his work, contacting his family etc. All this did was to prolong her pain and eventually rendered her incapable of moving on in a healthy balanced way, I doubt she ever will now.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> If you get enjoyment from it, then go ahead, why not piss her off and make his life as unpleasant as possible.


Because it's hurting her more than the ex or OW. Now she's spending precious time thinking about them and on revenge, instead of living her own life.

A waste of energy and shows that you need to continue to work on your own life.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

If you have legitimate questions to ask, then your first thinking should be:

1) Is there anyone I can ask other than the EX? If so, ask someone else.
2) If the only person I can ask is the EX, then ask him

Your post made it sound like you were 'making up' reasons to text him to piss the OW off. When people said that wasn't a good idea, you turned it around to, "I need to ask him things because we had a house, mortgage, etc."

Don't text him, unless you absolutely have to.


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

I had a girlfriend who dumped me, then a week later I met my wife. When the xgf found out, she kept texting me even though I never responded. This continued for about two years, and every time my wife and I had a good laugh.

Hang it up, move on.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

I agree with the lighten up.

Nothing wrong with annoying them for fun. Just make sure to put a time limit on it though. You don't want to be doing it months or years from now.

Get involved with other things and soon you will have gotten it out of your system.


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## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Sorry guys but life does not change overnight! I will text him all I want! I spent 14 yrs with this man and I have history no matter what u or the Sbtxgf might think! I don't figure she will last for long quite frankly! Guess we all do what's best to make closure for ourselves! Seems like this site just wants to make people have no feelings and move on to next relationship. I have no hopes of making this work out but I can't let go overnight. I don't want another relationship as this one was so ****ed up! Had enough!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

office girlie said:


> Sorry guys but life does not change overnight! I will text him all I want! I spent 14 yrs with this man and I have history no matter what u or the Sbtxgf might think! I don't figure she will last for long quite frankly! Guess we all do what's best to make closure for ourselves! *Seems like this site just wants to make people have no feelings and move on to next relationship.* I have no hopes of making this work out but I can't let go overnight. I don't want another relationship as this one was so ****ed up! Had enough!


Actually no. What people are saying is that you need to heal and be emotionally healthy before moving on with the next one.
We all have feelings, our feelings have been crushed but in order to live a fulfilling life from now on you need to get things into perspective.

Wasting time and energy on petty behaviours will only serve to harm you, the ex and his gf will simply move on with their lives regardless.
You cannot heal and move forward with your life at the same time as seeking revenge, the two things do not go hand in hand.

No one is saying you have to let go overnight but you do need to let go. 
Don't become one of those people that never has a healthy relationship because they didn't learn and grow along the way. Take some responsibility for your own actions and happiness.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You posted, asking for people's thoughts and opinions. You're getting them. They don't happen to agree with what you want to hear and do. Now the question is, what are you going to do?

I'm with the others... The best thing for you to heal and move on is to separate from him as much as possible. That includes not being concerned if his GF is pissed off or not. Deal with him as you need to, but do it for yourself. 

Good luck. 

C


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Holland said:


> Actually no. What people are saying is that you need to heal and be emotionally healthy before moving on with the next one.
> We all have feelings, our feelings have been crushed but in order to live a fulfilling life from now on you need to get things into perspective.
> 
> Wasting time and energy on petty behaviours will only serve to harm you, the ex and his gf will simply move on with their lives regardless.
> ...


:iagree:

This is a great post. Especially the bolded part.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Holland said:


> Actually no. What people are saying is that you need to heal and be emotionally healthy before moving on with the next one.
> We all have feelings, our feelings have been crushed but in order to live a fulfilling life from now on you need to get things into perspective.
> 
> Wasting time and energy on petty behaviours will only serve to harm you, the ex and his gf will simply move on with their lives regardless.
> ...


:iagree:

hurt and pain have a way of making even the most secure,mature and well rounded female do some dumb and childish things.Toying with them is only giving them more power over you.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

office girlie said:


> Sorry guys but life does not change overnight! I will text him all I want! I spent 14 yrs with this man and I have history no matter what u or the Sbtxgf might think! I don't figure she will last for long quite frankly! Guess we all do what's best to make closure for ourselves! Seems like this site just wants to make people have no feelings and move on to next relationship. I have no hopes of making this work out but I can't let go overnight. I don't want another relationship as this one was so ****ed up! Had enough!


Well my thoughts WERE that you just hadn't moved on yet. Now my thought is you are crazy. Or a troll...or possibly both. Either way, grow up.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

office girlie said:


> I will text him all I want! I spent 14 yrs with this man and I have history no matter what u or the Sbtxgf might think! I don't figure she will last for long quite frankly! Guess we all do what's best to make closure for ourselves! Seems like this site just wants to make people have no feelings and move on to next relationship. I have no hopes of making this work out but I can't let go overnight. I don't want another relationship as this one was so ****ed up! Had enough!


Fine. Take your marbles and go home but really, by acting like this you are just hurting yourself and making yourself look bad. I'll bet that when they get a text from you they are rolling their eyes and saying "There's that wacko again" and having a good laugh. I know I would be. 

When my STBXH keeps calling I say "Why doesn't he just get a life already?" I'll bet your ex says that about you.


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## Bafuna (Aug 13, 2012)

I understand you Office Girlie, sometimes I want to do that, SO MUCH, but I reckon he'll get more pissed off if I keep my distnace because that shows Im doing OK without him. Believe you, me he enjoys the fact that he did 'that',' whatever' to you and you still want him around, that is how your constant texting will translate to him, and he feels needed and indispensable, dont give him the POWER, focus on you, show him you can do without him, coz you can.

But I understand you, perfectly, it takes a lot of enrgy NOT to do it.


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