# I was dumped...slowly, badly...



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Ok, I’ve been posted nuggets around the forum. I decided to go ahead and post the whole story. This IS going to be long. 

Dramatis personae --
Dave – me
Millie – my xgf, my brother’s widow
Jesse – (“Jess”), Millie’s next door neighbor
Brian -- the mailman
Mellisa – Millie’s oldest daughter
Jon&Ben – aka “the boys”, Millie’s grandsons, Mellisa’s sons
Mattie – Millie’s youngest daughter, lived at home now moved out, in college
Matt – my brother, Millie’s dead husband


My brother Matt died in June of 2004 (shortly after father’s day) from a heart attack. Living in the country, he was simply too far from medical help, even by helicopter. He died at the hospital just before the 4th test that would have pin pointed the area of his heart that was the problem. 

Of course I rushed “home” (MD to MO) to be there. I’d known Millie for those 25 years of their marriage, but not closely. I was only home for the funeral and to support her. No hanky panky! Millie told me much later that everyone noticed that I never left her side, I was always there. 

The family had planned a reunion for the next year in June 2005. About a month before it, Millie was getting cold feet and tried to cancel the reunion. We knew it was due to the anniversary of Matt’s death and she didn’t want to plan the reunion at this time. We convinced her to continue, knowing it would be good for her to get out of her shell and have people (family) around her. 

I was to have taken a GF from MD but she bailed on me at the last minute (as she usually did – so we broke up over that). During the time in MO, Millie and I talked very frankly about our lives, about why that GF wasn’t with me, etc. I’ve always been able to talk frankly with anyone, sometimes to their consternation.  

On the last night of the reunion, Millie and I were in the back room. It was very late, maybe 0100 or so. Everyone else was asleep. While on the couch, I gently stroked her arm. Nothing was on my mind but simple creature comfort! 

She moved into my arm and I stroked her opposite arm. We continued talking. Eventually, she pulled her bra off from under her shirt to get more comfortable. I still wasn’t thinking of anything but getting comfortable. 

Well, I’m sure you can see where this was going!  Eventually we got naked. She lay back and asked me to “come up here” while she gave me a BJ. After a bit, I said “let me do something for you” and proceeded to go down on her. That’s when she said she fell in love with me. She had a couple of very nice orgasms! Shortly afterwards we went to bed, separately. 

The next day, just before I was to leave, I cut off an inch or so of my pony tail and left it under her pillow in a baggie. I told her of this only a minute before I drove off. She loved the gesture. 

She told me that she’d talked to her girls and that they were ok with me moving back (to be with her). I learned later that that was a lie! She only told them I was moving back…not that I was going to be with her. 

Over the following months we talked on the phone daily. In the evenings it frequently involved phone sex. We were falling in love. I told her I wanted to come visit over the New Year time (since I don’t do Christmas) and she agreed. I also told her I wanted to ask her a very special question of 4 words. She wouldn’t let me say those words on the phone; I had to do it in person!  

I went back just after xmas 2005 and stayed through the new year, about a week. We had excellent sex every night! I did ask her to marry me and she said yes! So we began planning a life together.

I like the color purple, she likes red. She sent me some pictures of purple & red roses around the house. They were on the kitchen table, the bench on the front porch, the swing. All of these were “where we would spend the rest of our lives”.

I got everything ready to move and at the end of March 2006, Millie came to me in MD to help me pack. At work, every male turned to watch her! She is a hot chick! On April 1st 2006 we hit the road for home. This began our time together. 

Our motto was “Do me!” which would have been engraved on the insides of our wedding rings. The sex was always fantastic! She would have several “rolling” (or continuous) multiples nearly every time! 

In late 2006 Millie told me she was going out for a “night night with the girls”. I learned much later she was out with the mailman, Brian…****ing him. This was the first of many times she told me that (out with the girls)! She was cheating on me! 

At one point, she was shopping with her girls and they were teasing her about her “date” (late 2006, early 2007) (with Brian)…they didn’t know about me!! This hurt very much! 

On one occasion she went with Brian to his family reunion. They were to call (in the morning) when they left. I didn’t get a call so around noonish, I called them (and Brian’s mother!) to ask where MY FIANCE was. That caused a stir! 

Not hearing from them, I started drinking and got really drunk. Millie (et al) hurried home. She was in such a hurry she didn’t even stop for a bathroom break. This was my first attempt at suicide. Only she knew about it and it wasn’t mentioned to anyone. 

After all of that, she said she learned her lesson…to not see (date) two men at the same time. (this idea will come into play later!)

She did continue to see Brian a couple of times. On OUR “anniversary” (July 8th, 2007) she went to see Brian again, instead of being at home with me! I called him to see where she was. She came home early and our discussion was about us (and him). I told her that she enjoyed the attention and she agreed (she hadn’t really dated before marrying my brother, Matt). I said that I couldn’t live this way and she pulled out her bottle of pills (muscle relaxers). She said that if I was going to do this, she’d join me. I talked her out of it, but when she went to the bathroom, I dumped a handful of pills and swallowed them. She saw me swallow as she came back from the bathroom. 

Events after this are fuzzy for me. She called the medics, cops. I don’t remember anything after swallowing the pills. I woke up in the hospital in restraints! With a foley catheter. I spent 4 working days (and the weekend) in the psych ward and was finally released. One of the stipulations was that she wasn’t allowed to visit or call me…that hurt! I was really all alone. 

After I was released, her daughter, Mellisa, said that if she (Millie) continued to see me, she wouldn’t get to see her grand kids. *Blackmail*! So, once again I was her dirty little secret. But we only had each other to talk to to get though this. I don’t know anyone here. 

I finally got my own apartment so my son and family would have a place to move to when he got out of the service. I later got my own place. Millie would come over regularly and we’d get hot real quick. 

Millie would call me several times a day, just so we could talk. She continued to call me right up until the end of March! 

For the next couple of years we enjoyed each other’s company. We fu.ked always and she always had great orgasms! Knees weak, stomach quivering orgasms. We were still planning a life together. But I was her dirty little secret! 

In August 2008, my pay was being garnished by the IRS. In 2000 & 2001 I messed up my taxes. My garnishment ended in March 2009. Millie was helping me make my rent payments and with food until her food stamp type of benefit was halved due to the economy. 

She also moved some of her stuff into my apartment in preparation for selling her house (and moving in with me). 

At one point, she asked me to withdraw the marriage proposal because she was on state disability (with which she was making her mortgage payments). She would lose that if she got married. I agreed to postpone it or at least to not get formally married. I even suggested she move in and pay a nominal $1/month rent! 

In December 2008, she went with me to the company holiday dinner. Early in the month, we’d had another sex session. After the dinner 16th of December, she stopped coming to see me. I didn’t know why. 

After all of the communicating we did, she wouldn’t say anything. I begged her and begged her to tell me what was going on. She pulled out her daughter’s blackmail story again. But she wasn’t keeping the details straight. I knew she was lying to me. Hiding something from me. 

At one point in January 2009 I asked her to come over and she said “hell, no! I’m trying to stay away from you!” Huh? WTF? 

She finally did come over in February to talk. She said might lose her disability. She said her neighbor (Jess) wanted her to ask me if it was ok for him to date her? I said no way! She said that someone was interested in her and while not rich, had money – and no, she wasn’t going to say his name. She thought that if she could love him, she’d marry him in order to save her house!

Damn, that hurt. And never a word about us! 

We have never had a Valentine’s Day together. I scraped every penny to buy one for this year (read about the garnishment). I ended up throwing it away. 

Near the end of February, I stopped by her mom’s after work to tell her that xgf is having a rough time. I don’t think her mom knew that Millie had to have been seeing Jess by then! 

I offered her a drink and she said she quit back in December! Huh? Jess doesn’t drink or smoke (but he used to). 

I have HPV. With all the stress, I developed genital warts. They were treated and in remission. But I also learned that I was likely exposed decades ago. 

She came over in March (before dumping me) and we chit chatted. Seemingly friendly. I was teasing her about having an orgasm. I stripped and got one of the dildoes and the massager. She wouldn’t but encouraged me to masturbate. I can’t believe she allowed me to do that when she knew she was dumping me! I felt like a real a$$!

In March 2009, she called to say she’d never leave me. We were talking about having sex soon (after the warts were gone). She said she was going to marry me for my brains. She would move in with me when her house sold and her daughter would just have to get used to it. By the end of March, she said we weren’t going to be together. I took her toothbrush and hair spray and other stuff to her shop. 

Played me like a yo-yo! A cruel joke. My daughter later confirmed that Millie had taken her house off the market. *She had her sugar daddy!* 

Every day when she’d call, I’d say “Good morning sweetheart, I love you” and as she was going to bed I’d say “Good night sweetheart, I love you” Every day. After March I could only say “hello” & “goodbye”. Early in April 2009, she called as she was getting ready for bed and asked me for “her words” again. I told her that she threw me away, remember? She hung up crying. She called the next morning to apologize and say that that wouldn’t happen again. I said, “whatever.” 

Based on her “no two men at the same time” rule, I thought she started seeing someone (I didn’t know it was her neighbor) and that was why she stopped seeing me. But she never broke up with me! Or told me anything! 

When I moved to MO, I went to the cemetery and promised my brother that I would love her and take care of her. On April 27th (my day off) I went back to the cemetery to apologize for being unable to do that any more. 

On the way back home, I stopped at Millie’s house to see what it looked like without her waterbed (which she had recently gotten rid of). As I was leaving, I *saw the photos of her marrying her neighbor*. _And in the same blue dress she said she’d marry me in_! She’d made a point to show it to me! 

There she was, in her church, with the man she cheated on me with, swearing vows of fidelity. Her god must have been so proud of her! 

My heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on! I rushed to her shop to confirm it. She did. I asked why, she said she loved him! I demanded my fleece vest back from her and then I stormed out saying something like “fu.king bi.ch”.

Then I got extremely drunk for 3 days. Missed 2 days of work and a business trip to Florida! I called a co-worker friend that Monday (27th) afternoon/evening to explain things and he cleared my time off work as a personal emergency. 

I also took all of her stuff from my apartment to her shop. Anything of hers went back. All pictures of her were thrown out. 

They got married on 18th of April and didn’t tell anyone for 3 days (which was her birthday on the 21st)! Her grandkids were there in the pictures so her (oldest) daughter had to be also. 

I don’t think she started dating her neighbor in December and then married him 4 months later. I think she was seeing him before that which means she broke her two man rule. *She cheated on me twice! And lied to me several times! 
*
And never had the simple decency to break up with me. I lost my best friend and I’ll never know why. It still hurts a bit but day by day I hurt a little less. In little bits less. Sometimes it still hurts. 

I just don’t get it…how can people live their lives like that? How can they face themselves in the mirror each day…oh, I know, she can say to herself “Yes! I did it! I got my sugar daddy to save my house!” 

What a bi*ch…I can’t believe it! But I’m getting’ used to it…I'm so turned off women and any kind of relationship right now...I will live by myself. No companionship...I just don't think it's worth it. What a crock...what a life. 

Sometimes life sucks, other times just differently! 

Dave


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## Earthmother1970 (Oct 10, 2008)

Dcrim, 
I don't really know what to say at this point, other than you story moves me to tears and that no one who knows their Douglas Adams should have to go through such crap.

You need to join in that group hug recommended to Humptydumpty or join in the mutual hurling heavy items at the wall party straight away.

Sorry that you are going through all this - it WILL get better, it really will...one foot in front of the other and don't let the b*stards or b*tches grind you down.


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## Earthmother1970 (Oct 10, 2008)

PS: remember what Monty Python sang: Always look on the bright side of life.

There is a bright side, even if you can't quite see it right now.

No romantic relationship is ever worth dying over.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Thankyou for sharing you life with us , you have been through so much hurt, no one deserves to be treated the way you have been, life seems so cruel when you reach out and touch someone and embrace them for it to be thrown back at you hurts so badly .. but she is not worth your LIFE !! 

you have so much to give this world do not let her DESTROY you anymore.
Keep walking fowards one day at a time together with people on here you will see the glimmer of light and i truly hope that you find the love and warmth you so greatly deserve . 
sending you a cyber hug !!! always here for you , hugs


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I don't plan on dying. But at the time, the pain and heartache was so overwhelming. 

My brother did that when he found his wife cheated on him. I do fully understand why. 

Obviously, I'm still here.  As I told "her" after the 2nd try...I can't even die right so I will quit trying. I'm going on. 

I just found out yesterday that my best friend died last Sunday. We worked at the same place for many years. We went to lunch every day, either to the cafeteria or the little place around the corner. He worked in the machine shop, I did tech support. He was a year older than me. We went to various Scottish games, he got me to go to a civil war re-enactment. I had sent an email to his daughter when not 5 minutes later she called! Coincidence! I was just the next number on her notify list. I'd found out by email from another co-worker at the place. His daughter was like a daughter to me as mine was to him. Lung cancer that spread through his body. He died at home, comfortably, with his daughters around him. I knew he was doing chemo...but it's still a shock. 

CRAP!


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

cancer is a horrible disease i watched my brother slowly die from it and its not good  
i can understand your pain , when you have been cheated it on its like the biggest slap in your face everything becomes like a hazy mist .
you go through different emotions hurt anger depression ... take each day as it comes try and stay happy we are here for you , im so sorry to hear about you friend remember the fun times you shared together xx hugs


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I can't stop the tears...da.m! I'm going to be almost worthless at work today...


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

This is my take on your situation so I could be completely wrong but I'll give it a try. Millie was still in mourning when you two started having relations. You were a substitute Matt for her. It helped her get through the grief and loss she was feeling. However, it sounds to me like you two mostly had a physical relationship. You never really connected emotionally. The fact that you tried to commit suicide is a HUGE red flag to some deeper, troubling issues you may have. Were you hospitalized? Did you see a therapist? If not, I think it truly would be of great help to you. Millie sounds pretty confused. She has some serious emotional problems to deal with. The marriage to this guy won't last. She's needy and it will fall apart because it won't meet her expectations. Yes, she shouldn't have been unfaithful to you after making a commitment but I can't say her behavior surprises me. If you two had have married it would have ended in divorce. Get your head clear, see someone professionally then you'll be in a GREAT position to have a real profound and deep meaning relationship with a woman you really CONNECT with. I would suggest holding off on the physical things for awhile with the next woman. Take it slow. See how it goes. You sound like a great communicator who's really looking for a great woman to share your life with. In a bit you'll be like Millie Who? It will be awesome for you!!! :smthumbup:


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

Hang in there !


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

1nurse...yeah, I guess so. Obviously it didn't seem that way at the time. I never thought of the substitute issue, thanks for that. 

I know suicide is wrong. But I've never felt such heartache before in my life. I hope I don't again, but at least I have some armor now. 

It was more than physical...but obviously not as deep as I thought it was. 

And no new relationship looming!! I couldn't do that right now if I wanted to and I know it wouldn't be fair.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

people suck. that's the only explanation i can give.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yep. Some do. 

I like to think that most don't, but there are a lot of horror stories on here, too. 

I almost quit it last year. I'm glad I decided to stay. 

Some stories are encouraging (humpty dumpty for one!). And if I can offer a little bit back, then I'm glad to do so. 

I just wanted to say more than the little bits I've posted elsewhere. 

Thanks to everyone for reading and responding!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Some people are just that way and masters of the string along game.
Until you meet one and it's done to you, you can never believe it
and how slow and cruel it can be.
Happened to me once but it was slightly different in that person wanted to get married. Their idea of love and marriage was just not something anyone sane would want...
and I did end up having to walk away...
confused, bewildered and hurt.
In time.... I opened myself up again, only to find out the guy I 
cared for was living a double, maybe triple life
and my heart was yet again broken, while not even well from the other.
I wondered if I was even able to love anymore... but someone later came along who helped me to be able to love again.
I guess third time was a charm...
or 3rd serious relationship over the last 15 years...
the third one took...


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Dang, Preso. Sorry to hear that. 

I'm glad you did find someone special, though. 

Yeah, I wonder about being able to love again, too. I'm sure I will but sure don't want to wait 15 years!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Dang, Preso. Sorry to hear that.
> 
> I'm glad you did find someone special, though.
> 
> Yeah, I wonder about being able to love again, too. I'm sure I will but sure don't want to wait 15 years!



Heres the thing
which I was going to put in my last post...

HERE IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO !!! you have to stop letting
anyone string you along, act as a person who has high regaurd for themselves and you will not have to ever endure that pain again...
that pain when you subject yourself to it over and over, will cut away at your ability to love and trust, so you have to be able
to walk away when you see it start to happen...
and spare yourself the agony.
If you avoid it, and allow someone decent to come into your life, you will only help yourself.

Going through those bad relationships is not the answer. The answer is to get away from them so you can keep sane, keep your heart intact and also spare yourself the drama.
It's about protecting yourself.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Sounds good. I'll work on that. Thanks. There's always been good advice on here. That's why I stayed. 

I know the pain is partly my fault, too. Hindsight is always 20-20.  

I can see the little clues now, just did not at the time; they didn't sense.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I'm so sorry to hear all of what you've been through. I'm pretty new here, but I can see that so many people here are blessed with the gift of empathy. It's amazing how so many people out there in the world aren't.

I, like you, have a real hard time understanding how a person can do stuff that hurts another like that. It is totally beyond my comprehension. My first marriage was 15 years of him cheating on me and him going from drinking to cocaine, back to drinking, and finally to meth. I even later found out that when I'd been babysitting for a friend, that friend was off fooling around with my husband. I could go on and on, but I won't.

I think that a person needs to heal from these bad relationships and betrayals. Take some time and take care of you. Find out who you are again and be happy with just you.

I believe the right person is out there and maybe it takes all the bad previous experiences to make you REALLY appreciate that right person when they come along.

Hang in there!


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hey you... about that throwing things at the wall party - count me in!!

Hugs.. hang in there


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Didn't feel weird about it. Didn't even think about it like that. 

We both knew my brother would always be a part of each of our lives and there wouldn' be any comparisons. 

She said that he and I simply loved differently than the other.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

dcrim... GET MAD... 

are you still in Mo? Shoot things  

only state I ever lived in (for 11 years no less) that had free gun ranges at every state park, a one shot law and plenty of cheap ammo. 

I'm joining the local practical shooting league this week. I need an outlet 

why do i always pick sports where I end up being the only girl? 

You'd think after 43 years I would outgrow the tomboy phase... hehehe


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

What's to get mad at? Her? Him? Them? The dog? I'm too wound up, would rather calm down!  

I hate to think I'm becoming alcoholic, but that's the only thing that calms me after work. Just a couple of fingers of rum. That 3 day binge I went on probably didn't help either although it was a month ago. 

Maybe a nice 50 cal black powder, though... something that would knock some sense into me!  

Yep, in MO...and don't all texans carry at least two?  

Four pickups arrive at a 4 way stop at the same time. Which one goes first?




The one with the biggest gun rack!


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

hang in there  your a good guy  
think of each day as a new begining you can get through this we are all with you every step of the way xx


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

dcrim said:


> What's to get mad at? Her? Him? Them? The dog? I'm too wound up, would rather calm down!
> 
> I hate to think I'm becoming alcoholic, but that's the only thing that calms me after work. Just a couple of fingers of rum. That 3 day binge I went on probably didn't help either although it was a month ago.
> 
> ...



I am not an alcholic due to one fact, being I hate the taste of the stuff. If it weren't for that, I'd been an alcoholic like 30 years ago


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Humpty, thanks. I know and I'm glad of the support. 

I just felt it was time to share with everyone here. To help get it out of my system. It helps to verbalize it (or write in this case) and spit it out; not to keep it bottled up. 

It's been a month and it doesn't hurt nearly like it did on the 27th of April! 

I'm not dead inside, nor empty or hurting or angry or happy. If anything, kind of numb, disappointed, surprised. I don't feel bad or good. 

I have my good days and not so good ones. But not any really bad ones; so that's a good thing. 

I was off the forums for nearly a week I was so PO'd. I have many friends on several forums and they have been the main thing keeping me sane.  And telling me the same things - I'm well rid of her. So, thank you everyone!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Humpty, thanks. I know and I'm glad of the support.
> 
> I just felt it was time to share with everyone here. To help get it out of my system. It helps to verbalize it (or write in this case) and spit it out; not to keep it bottled up.
> 
> ...



about dead inside, glad your not...
but
now you can see for yourself, if that happened a few more times, how a person can actually become dead inside.
You got to protect your emotional health
and stay out of those relationships with people who are just out to use someone
or you'll end up dead inside and UNABLE to love !!!
care or trust anyone, even yourself !!!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I know...it still is fresh. I'll get through this. I will! 

But i know it will take time. I'm still surving day by day, hour by hour. Sh.t! I just wish I could go to sleep and get this over! But it won't be...and my best friend just died. Dam.! 

I'm going to bed...tomorrow is another day...one that might be better. 

Sh.t, the tears are starting again...dam.!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I want to get MAD! I want to throw plates! Snix I'm with you! Show me how!


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## Sufficiently Breathless (May 18, 2009)

*puts on helmet*

*tucks head between knees*

Assume battle positions! Bring on the plates!!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yee haw!!  Ready! Aim! Throw! 

Obviously I'm in a better mood...but that's the rum!


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## Earthmother1970 (Oct 10, 2008)

I haven't got any rum...settling for Corona, but it is warm and summerlike here, so I can get away with it.

A few more and I won't even need the helmet before joining in the plate throwing.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Ready, girl!! I want to throw something!


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## Earthmother1970 (Oct 10, 2008)

Well, I would be seriously tempted to hammer throw my STBX if it was physically possible for me to do so...:FIREdevil: but may have to settle for hurling inanimate objects...like his CD collection...


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

CD collection....confession so I uh deleted over 1500 songs off my husband's computer in a fit of anger shortly after he left our house...was half way to deleting his entire WOW acct no I don't mean cancelling I mean "if you want to delete your character type DELETE in this box, delete" LOL but I didn't do it. I pretty much wiped his entire computer down to the OS except for WOW....ooops. Oh and I have all the CD's  but then again about 480 out of 500 were mine to begin with 


Who needs to throw china when you can delete an entire music library in 30 seconds.

Ok ok I'm not proud but d*mn it felt good at the time.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

it really does help to talk on here vent your feelings ! get support so many people are going through the same things it good to here other peoples storys and how they coped !! 

My only act of revenge lol was throwing out all his left shoes ha ha still makes me laugh !!! why his left i havent a clue !! moment of madness but we laugh about it now


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

DCrim, sorry that it happened this way to you man, it was pretty low class. I feel for you man.


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

Dcrim you really are a good guy !! hang in there , you have been through a real tough time you must be hurting badly hang in there we are all rooting for you


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I am. Doing ok. Not great, but ok. No bad days...just no great ones yet.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

BTW, Trev...I hear things went well last night.  Good for the both of you!


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

feel like im the luckiest man alive thanks


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I've heard people say TIME heals all wounds but in
my own experience and great study about healing...

it's not TIME, that heals wounds but acceptance.
Your time would be best spent in doing anything that allows you to accept it's over, so you can move on
without much scarring.

Time does not heal wounds, acceptance does, look for ways to find peace with the end of the relationship and seek new coping mechanisms so you can heal
and heal well enough to not carry around the baggage from it...


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

humpty dumpty said:


> it really does help to talk on here vent your feelings ! get support so many people are going through the same things it good to here other peoples storys and how they coped !!
> 
> My only act of revenge lol was throwing out all his left shoes ha ha still makes me laugh !!! why his left i havent a clue !! moment of madness but we laugh about it now


you threw out all his left shoes?
:rofl:


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Earthmother1970 said:


> Well, I would be seriously tempted to hammer throw my STBX if it was physically possible for me to do so...:FIREdevil: but may have to settle for hurling inanimate objects...like his CD collection...


If you do...make sure you leave this song behind. 

Carrie Underwood Before He Cheats Music Video on Yahoo! Music


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

preso said:


> you threw out all his left shoes?
> :rofl:


HA HA I know !! i dont kow why but it felt good at the time !! was about 18 pairs( well left ones ) work and leisure shoes, was a manic moment no thought!! but has create such a laugh from all our friend now , for a while when his friends came over to watch football they held on to there left shoes as a joke ..


saying that was rather expensive !! and hubbie had to wear wellingtons to go buy more shoes


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## Earthmother1970 (Oct 10, 2008)

humpty dumpty said:


> My only act of revenge lol was throwing out all his left shoes ha ha still makes me laugh !!! why his left i havent a clue !! moment of madness but we laugh about it now


Can I just cut the left sleeve off of all his designer shirts...and the Armani suit? Although that does seem like a waste...perhaps a donation to the Goodwill store is a better idea? 

"You mean you wanted to KEEP those clothes? Oops...I'm terribly sorry" :biggrinangelA:


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Preso, yeah, I think that makes a lot of sense. The time factor in the saying would then refer to the time it takes for the acceptance to happen. To get one's mind around it. 

I do "accept" that it happened, that she's who and what she is. But accepting the way I was treated will still take a little time, I guess, because it just seems so unbelieveable to me. All I can do is wait it out. And I will. 

I'm not hurting or anything...but I do wish I could make the time go faster.  Hurry up and get this sh.t over with. 

I was running a little late for work this morning and actually passed her on her way to work. I didn't turn my head to look, but did use my eyes only and saw her looking at me/my car. Just for a couple of seconds. I didn't acknowledge her look.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

well done dcrim that must have been so hard for you and you held your head high and done it well ... 
 good for you


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

If your ever over here in England dcrim then feel free to stay at ours i owe you a drink or two .. 

hang in there


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I'm still hanging. Not that I've been feeling bad or anything...but I do seem to feel a little better today. 

It did feel kind of good (not in a malicious sense) to not look at her while she was looking at me. I imagine her telling her mom that she saw me on the road but didn't think I saw her. 

And if I do get over there, I'll take you up on that!  And I definately want a (innocent!) hug from HD, too!


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

Glad your feeling better !! and im sure she would appreciate a hug from you to


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Wow, what a story, dcrim. I am glad you have support here and on other forums...keep those lines open for yourself. Even though this was quite a shock and not your decision, I hope when the dust settles you come to realize this would have continued to be a volitile, toxic relationship. She seems very lost and from reading your story, it sounds as though between you and the other guy, you are on the better end of this deal.

And I have to say I think you enjoy sex way to much to give up on women altogether! Just give yourself time to get through this one & hang in there


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

DC, break it up ... whatever you normally, do, do the opposite. 

STOP drinking... you come down from the rum buzz (or whatever) and damn if your problems aren't right there waiting for you obediently 

Last week when we had our 'separation' I went all out to do things differently and WOW did it help. By Saturday I felt like a new woman - and under my circumstances that wasn't easy.

I never leave the house - I went out every day
I haven't cut my hair in five years - cut and color, bangs too
I don't join things, joined the practical pistol league
I don't eat out, got me a BK burger
I HATE the mall - spent the day at the mall with the kids, and had fun!
whatever it is, do it differently.

Different clothes, different look, different route to work, different lunch, different routine after work

Get RID of (with extreme prejudice) anything of hers or anything that even REMINDS you of her. House gonna be empty huh? good! Start over from scratch with a cardboard box 

Have a heart to heart talk with your bro about what a skank she is. Seriously. Do you think he had any idea she would do that to you? You made him a promise I know, but come ON... I wonder if he was trying to tell you 'noooooo....' for a long time 

Bring your 'last' two beers that you'll have for a while. One for you, one for him. Since you are still visiting him and talking to him, you really need to have a heart to heart about the beetch


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Earthmother1970 said:


> Can I just cut the left sleeve off of all his designer shirts...and the Armani suit? :biggrinangelA:


To heck with goodwill... cut the sleeves... 

Tell him you knew he didn't want to wear his heart on his sleeve anymore so you took the liberty of helping him out


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

snix11 said:


> DC, break it up ... whatever you normally, do, do the opposite.
> 
> STOP drinking... you come down from the rum buzz (or whatever) and damn if your problems aren't right there waiting for you obediently
> ...
> ...


Yep, the problems still are. But they're getting smaller each day. And less rum, too.  Only a couple fingers, not the whole bottle!  

I don't mind being by myself, but would prefer to hang with someone and the only other person I know here is my (surviving) brother. And "her" family, of course. 

That's why the forums are helping me. I have friends (even if virtual) that I can talk to. 

I've had the heart to heart with my dead brother. He was kind of quiet most of the time, though.  

I am trying to break up my "routine" a bit, but it's still a small town.  I'll do my grocery shopping on Saturday mornings while she's at work instead of Thursday (payday) after work (or after tanning, which I haven't been to for a couple of weeks now). 

I have discarded everything that would remind me of her already. All mementos, all pix, everything. I have one pic of my son's wedding with her (family, including my brother) in it so I got to keep that one. But I don't look at it often. I already took the rest of her stuff (quilts, silverware, jewelry) back around the 27th when I found it all out. 

Her personal stuff (toothbrush, hair spray, shavers, etc.) I took back to her after she told me we weren't going to be together (near end of March - 3 weeks before the wedding, but I didn't know of that then). 

She was going to come over after work on the 27th to get the rest of her stuff. She told me she was going to tell me about the wedding then (I'm sure it would have been as she was driving away, too). Instead I found out on my own. 

I don't know which would have hurt worse but probably hearing it from her would've been. As much as the heartache was, that might have even provoked a real heart attack although I haven't had one for several years (better lifestyle now). I'm not going to worry about it anyway. 

aw, heck...didn't mean to be such a long post.  Fingers just kept going...


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

swedish said:


> Wow, what a story, dcrim. I am glad you have support here and on other forums...keep those lines open for yourself. Even though this was quite a shock and not your decision, I hope when the dust settles you come to realize this would have continued to be a volitile, toxic relationship. She seems very lost and from reading your story, it sounds as though between you and the other guy, you are on the better end of this deal.
> 
> And I have to say I think you enjoy sex way to much to give up on women altogether! Just give yourself time to get through this one & hang in there


Yes, I do feel that I got the better end of the deal. And he has yet to learn it. So, in a way I feel a little sorry for him. But not much.  If I could ever say anything to him, I'd say never let her go anywhere alone. She will cheat again because she likes the attention. But she's his problem now...

Again, hindsight being 20-20...there were a lot of little clues but none of them made sense at the time. Heck, in March she begged me to break up with her so she wouldn't be known as a cheater again (her words!)! Huh? WTF was that all about? In February she asked if I'd be happy for her if she dated someone else...heck no! 

Around the 16th of April, I mailed her a letter with what I thought was the timeline as I'd deduced it (I later reconsidered and adjusted it) and called her a liar and a cheater. She called me on the 18th to say she'd gotten it and I had every right to think of her that way. On her wedding night!! I sent a copy to her mom who got it that day too and said "holy sh.t" and wouldn't let her read it. I also told her I felt like a monumental fool for her letting me masturbate in front of her when she was going to dump me. All I wanted was to encourage her to have an orgasm. 

Based on things she'd said, stopped drinking in December, getting an STD test and so on, my initial deduction was she got drunk and had unprotected sex with someone (or was raped) and didn't want to expose me to anything. That fit the situation...then she drug out the blackmail story again. 

Ah, dangit...got a little wound up again. 

Yes, I do enjoy sex, but right now it's just me & my massager (although it's been over a week now...).  It does have a heating element in case I want that extra warmth.  Maybe I can find a FWB instead...nah, not yet...


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I saw her again this morning. I was only a few minutes behind schedule (took the trash out) and she again turned in front of me. 

As she passed me, SHE WAVED! You know how you have your fingers around the steering wheel and simply open your fingers? That's what she did. Waved. 

I kept looking straight ahead and certainly didn't wave back. I followed her with my eyes like the last time. 

What the heck is she thinking?!? Of course, maybe it's just the country habit. She might have been chagrined afterwards. I kind of like the idea of that.  

Been getting reacquainted with my massager over the weekend.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

dc..... somebody is feeling guilty  

she waves because she wants to think 'everything is ok. no big deal. he's already over me, i'm still a good person'

Don't look at her when she goes by, don't acknowledge her. Look thru her like she isn't there. She'll get the message and quit.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Snix, thanks. I am ignoring her. I'm NOT trying to run into her, either. 

Her (mom's quilt) shop is a quarter mile down the road from my place. I drive past it every day. 

Well, if she's feeling good about things, then that's fine for her. I won't know; I don't intend to see or hear from her again. She'd probably lie about it anyway.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I'm starting another anxiety attack, I think.

I responded to an email from xgf's best friend. She told me that xgf did what she thought she had to do. I said that I understood that but was more upset at the way I was treated and wished she'd have broken up with me a longer time ago. 

That got me started again. Stomach upset, couldn't eat lunch. 

And to top it off, I apparently have a pinched nerve. Half of my left hand feels numb and a little tingly at the same time and I can only type with 2 fingers. My 120+ wpm is shot for now.  (I just called the Dr for advice, they'll call me back shortly)


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

breathe!! and stop answering emails from anyone to do with the Ex. That's just the ex fishing for info on you. Do NOT give her the satisfaction! Radio blackout. do not email, call, acknowledge anything to do with her or her friends, relatives or anyone else.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Thanks, snix. I realized that afterwards. I'm trying. Feeling better right now (the rum helps!  )...Just can't wait for 6 (or more) months to pass. 

I'm getting over it...but it's still one day at a tme. 

Some times...I don't know... don't want to say it here yet... I'm just so tired of this. But I'm keepin' on keepin' on. 

But I'm hanging in...barely...


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

Hi there,
I am APPLAUDING you right now!! Woo Hoo you're awesome. I say this because I can't imagine how HARD it is to still have to see the ex and be reminded of the hurt and betrayal she caused you. I might have thrown some trash at her car as she drove past when you were taking out the garbage!!  You be proud of yourself. One day at a time. I bet you meet the woman of your dreams and you'll be laughing about this one day. Keep the faith honey! I look back at the first few weeks of my separation before the ex moved away and we were still sharing the house. I don't know how the hell I kept it together and kept my cool. I did pray a lot for the strength to keep going. I'm not a particularly religious person but I think my prayers were answered. They must have been I'm still standing. Have a great day tomorrow. :smthumbup:


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Thank you 1nurse. I could wish I was the type to throw garbage at her...sigh...I do try to avoid her. Shopping on Saturday mornings when she's at work. 

I can only hope that someday I'll laugh about this...but it won't be soon. 

I thought I HAD the woman of my dreams! Only to have it ripped from me along with my heart. I can't imagine someone else (that I have no idea who it is)! 

Sorry...feeling a bit down today/tonight.


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

You won't always feel down. When you work through things you'll be ready to get back out there. My therapist tells me that "you'll just know when the time is right." It may take you awhile. I feel like that too, but I know when I'm ready and have dealt with all the baggage then I stand a chance to find a really great guy and have a wonderful future. So will you. You just have to have faith.  I would have staked MY LIFE on the fact my ex would never have done what he did but oh well, $hit happens. My life doesn't end because he left. It's just different and it does get better. Believe me there are days when I do cry but I'm remembering the great guy I was married too not the **** he is now. I think to myself if I didn't know him now would I give him a chance? HELL NO!!!! Take Care


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

1nurse...want to get a beer? We can cry into them together.  

Thanks. I'm hoping it will get better. I know it will. I just wish it wouldn't take so long...but if I got over it so quickly, it wouldn't have been real, though.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Morning DC  

Today is another day, one more towards that time when we stop caring at all about em ... woo hoo!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Thank you, Snix. Man, I know I'd've gone crazy without you all. 

Yeah. I'm not feeling the anxiety like I was yesterday. Even managed some breakfast (well, yogurt). One more day closer to it being just history.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

I suggest the nutritious breakfast of a five hour energy drink to combat the exhaustion from staying up all night crying about the ex, a 1/2 package of MnM's for their cherry color and quick sugar boost and an entire bag of baby carrots for aggression therapy


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

LOL. I also have granola bars to snack on. 

And the MnMs would make me drink (water) all day (I'm diabetic). 

Besides I haven't cried over her for at least a couple of weeks now.  

I got my story out so I think I should just let it go and quit explaining it; that seems to stir up things. I wrote it up...anyone else who wants to know it, I'll print them a copy. 

I wonder what Ann Landers would have to say?


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Yesterday was the first day I haven't cried over the $(#(@(@. 

He's still HERE, so there won't be any real healing or getting over him till he's gone. I'm looking forward to my healing time.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yeah, that's true. I don't know what I'd do if I had to see her every day. Especially up close. 

She had joked a long time ago about marrying a rich man and keeping me on the side.  At least I think it was a joke. I did tell her that I couldn't do that, though. 

I'm glad you're not crying.


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

hope your ok dcrim hand in there remember your the good guy ignore emails and block her !!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I will. I think I've posted it enough places. I don't need to re-open it all up again. 

xgf's friend was kind of defending her (a little). I told her I understood what she did but was I protesting the way I was treated. After that, I dropped it. 

If she had broken up with me a longer time back, I'd be a lot closer to healing now. Still wouldn't have liked to see her marry for money, though. But she's not my problem any more...


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

hmmm, good advice.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yep. I'm getting over it, but slowly. 

As Preso said, it's about acceptance. I vent to release the stress. There's not really much stress now. I've accepted what she did (and why), I can't change it and we're done forever. I'm trying to accept that am a good person after all (I know, positive self image - I do have that). 

It's working - all I can do is wait it out and keep my mind on other things. 

Fortunately, working tech support I get lots of different calls that keeps my mind busy.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Hey! I'm not angry any more!

As I was leaving for work today, I'd forgotten my hat. Taking the minute or so to go get it, I ended up driving past her shop and she had just arrived and was getting out of her car (door open but still picking up stuff). In the famous words of Maxwell Smart: missed it (seeing her on the road) by that much!  

Later, as I was pulling onto the interstate, I realized I'm not angry any more. Woohoo! I'm not forgiving yet or forgetting, but I'm no longer angry...it's finally burned out.

Yesterday I was on the road for 4.5 hours (each way) and onsite for 3.5 hours. During the drive my mind went blank (well, sort of). I wasn't thinking of anything but the next mile, the next hour, listening to the radio. Onsite, of course I was working. On the drive back, same thing. I wasn't obsessing about "things" any more. 

So now I know...it took me about a month and a half. That doesn't mean I want to go through that again any time soon!  But I'm feeling like a human again instead of dog poop. 

This forum has helped me more than the others to which I belong (not that they didn't but this one has more members) and I'm grateful for all of your support. Thank you!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

glad the forums helped you so much...

you got off very cheap and fast... some people spend decades if not a lifetime angry.

I guess it's a blessing to you that you are no longer mad... ENJOY !


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Thank you, Preso! I really do appreciate the members here! 

And, yes...it's all gone. Dang, it feels good to be human again. I'm alive! (to paraphrase a monty python phrase!  ). 

My son's family is coming over and I'm buying the pizza...feels so good to be a part of life again! I didn't know how much I missed that.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Oh my gosh dcrim I just found your story and my my my. I have only got to the 4th page and it's getting late I just wanted to say Thank you for still being around you make a difference to each and everyone of us. Holly molly what a read you and everyone, I love it thank you all for sharing so much of you and also for being here for us little posters hehehehhe

:lol:

I just have to say ****Cyber Hug****** and man I could use a good throw. And you all Rock


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Thank you, MKM for taking the time to read it.  I needed to vent and get it out of my system. 

And "little posters" grow into big ones! I didn't rack up my post count overnight.  

As for helping others...I try to do the best I can, and I'm still learning too. I know of two people on here that are doing very well.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Yah! no more anger.. oh heck, it was only a flesh wound


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Thank you, Preso! I really do appreciate the members here!
> 
> And, yes...it's all gone. Dang, it feels good to be human again. I'm alive! (to paraphrase a monty python phrase!  ).
> 
> My son's family is coming over and I'm buying the pizza...feels so good to be a part of life again! I didn't know how much I missed that.



I too spent a few years in my past angry and now I look back and see it was a huge growth experience.
Since then, I learned to make better choices to avoid bad surprises as much as I could.
As life is mostly a series of choices.... you pick the wrong one and you get a "lesson".
lol


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yeah, snix.  

But no more heartache or bitterness. Feels good to be human again!  

Had pizza (my treat) with son & his family last night (they came over). Played cards (Zeus and uno) w/grandson (I let him win more than I did  ). 

I will probably have the occasional flashback, but they should be shortlived. But I know the overall trend now is upwards. Yay...


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

yay!! I'm looking forward to my moving on phase... sigh...


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I know, girl. I wish there was something I could do to help. 

Unfortunately, you will have to heal yourself. 

I'd at least be willing to buy you dinner occasionally just for the company...sigh.  

Just hang in there...it WILL get better, the hurt will ease...I know that now (for real, not just intellectually). 

Remember, we're all here for you, too. We're all looking forward to the time you are whole again.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

good choice of words  xx


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Hi, HD! How are you all doing? Missed you!


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Woo hoo, dinner  Yes, by all means come buy me dinner. Then we can go play laser tag. lol

I'll be able to heal myself once he leaves. It's this waiting I have problems with. Then again I hate waiting no matter what. lol...


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

If I tag you, do I get to lick it off?  

Dinner when I'm in the area, girl! For sure! And some tequila too!  I'll make sure you get home...


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Dc, how on earth do you lick off a laser beam tag?? Honestly if I ever get out of this mess, I think I'll become a nun and just forget about sex. It's been months now, and frankly I'm getting to the point where I don't care anymore about it.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Well, it does take some time to find the right spot!  And the search/hunt is a lot of fun!  

NO not a nun (as in ain't gettin' nun)!!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Dang, BD tomorrow...bailed on gkids...just want this over with. Don't know what to do...want to sleep until it's all over...sh!t!!!!


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

dcrim,
i've never seen such a f-ed up situation as the one i read about you. i'm so goddam sorry that a human has to go through something like this. i see the stories on 20/20 where someone gets popped for setting up a hit on their spouse. i get it. no one will understand the hurt you've been put through. damned cruel. i can't tell you to live for today, because thats what you did, you're trust mechanism must be all twaeked now. dude, i am sorry.


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

Sorry, I'm not going to read through all five+ pages of responses. I did read the initial post and most of the first page. I have to agree with 1nurse... you were a rebound relationship for Millie and you dove into a physical relationship. I think you were "hoping" for more than what the relationship actually turned out to be, thus the harsher feelings. Sounds like you were caught up in nostalgia and she was footloose and fancy free... not a good mix, obviously. 

Anger, frustration, depression, etc. are all a result of our expectations exceeding reality. Think about that. 

As for the whole story, the more I read, the more I kept hearing "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." 

Pick yourself up, chalk it up to you trying to do a good thing for your brother, and move on, she's obviously not worth your time. And by "time", I mean no more time. The more you dote over her and are depressed b/c of her, the more time you are giving her. She doesn't deserve your time. You're letting her rule your life by giving her this time and thought. 

Look up that poem about some people are in our life for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime... that should help you get a better grasp on a different perspective about the situation.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Voivod, thanks. And to you bhappy. I am moving on. The heartache and bitterness went away last week.  I just remember waking up and it was gone. 

I just wish she'd been honest with me. That I would've understood. And would have handled it better than being yo-yoed for months. He's got more money than I do and she's protecting her assets. 

But it's done and over. Not my problem any more. 

Yeah, Voivod...my trust mechanism is going to take some repair work.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I would certainly end any relationship should it become that painful, long before it nearly killed me. I fell into something like that slow tortured thing when I was younger and unaware how those things worked.
Doubt it would ever happen to me again. I think anyone who goes through anything like that, will be sure to avoid it in the future.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Preso, I will be on the lookout for that in the future and better armored. Thanks for your advice! 

I've never been through anything like that before so didn't recognize the signs. All previous relationships were mutually dissolved. 

I certainly don't want to go through that kind of pain again!


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

How are things going? Is your pain at least going away a little as time has gone by? Best of luck, and hope you're feeling okay.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Thanks, Blondegirl. It's gone. The week before my birthday I woke up one day and the heartache and bitterness were gone. That was about 2 months from the wedding, almost 3 since being dumped. 

I understand why she did it. I just wish she'd been honest, I could have handled that better (I think  ), but she chose the cruelest way to do it. 

It's not what she did (marry for money) but how she treated me during it all that had bothered me. I just didn't think anyone could be that cruel. She knew I was stressed and a bit hurt (by her pulling away) but she still called to hear me say "I love you".

But she's someone else's problem now. I haven't heard from her since the 27th of April and only saw her twice on the road (and I didn't look at her  ). I do my shopping Saturday mornings while she's at work.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Good for you  I figure it will take me exactly one week after he leaves... The hard part will be having to SEE the twerp every week because of our son. If only we could send our ex's to a deserted island far far away when they leave


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Thanks, Blondegirl. It's gone. The week before my birthday I woke up one day and the heartache and bitterness were gone. That was about 2 months from the wedding, almost 3 since being dumped.
> 
> I understand why she did it. I just wish she'd been honest, I could have handled that better (I think  ), but she chose the cruelest way to do it.
> 
> ...


Thats awesome. I joined here just barely, but i've read a lot of your posts and they've either put a smile on my face because they were funny, or really insightful. Anyway glad to here everything is getting better. Hope you can find some really cute girls to date!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yeah, I'd like that, too!  Anyone want ro relocate to the Ozarks?


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

been there, done that...


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Well, the xgf stopped by today a bit after 1pm. 

She wanted "her flags" back. 

I told her I'd get them to her. One from each of my brother's military funerals. One is for the older brother's daughter when shes living on her own, the other for xgf's daughter when she asks for it. 

Then she asked if we could talk. (WTF?) I said no and slammed the door on her for the 3rd time. Really pi$$ed me off! I'm only now calmed down.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

dcrim said:


> Well, the xgf stopped by today a bit after 1pm.
> 
> She wanted "her flags" back.
> 
> ...


:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

WAY TO GO! I LOVE IT! GOOD JOB!

:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Thanks, MsStacy.  

Last year when she was moving stuff here (rather than into storage) before moving in...she'd given me the shadow boxes. The agreement was that we each will them to the other to keep for their daughters. 

I'm the oldest of four. The older brother (Jay) had his removed from his house by the younger brother (Matt) when he died since it was felt that his widow wouldn't appreciate it or would think of it as a reminder that her cheating caused him to suicide. 

Matt died of a heart attack 5 years ago because, living in the country, the helicopter took too long to get him to the hospital. 

Anyway, we're all three vets and I have their flags for now. Obviously someone else will have mine (hopefully my daughter although my youngest son is a vet, too - it certainly won't matter to me when that times comes).  

I was surprised at how PO'd I'd gotten when she came over today. I really didn't expect to react like that!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

I think you reacting that way is cool.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Thank you Sandy! I was just SO surprised at my reaction to her...I didn't think it would be like that..I didn't know what our (eventual) face to face would be like...I'm kind of annoyed at myself... 

July 4th is only one day for most people...but it's all year, all lifetime for those that have been there. Dang, tears rolling down my cheeks...sorry people!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Oh, dcrim...HUGS...


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

Good for you dcrim. You have realized that the past is the past and frankly there is nothing more to talk about. It's just going to open up old wounds. I am actually not surprised you had an anger wave of emotion. Day to day I'm mostly fine now. Been 9 months since my ex asked for the divorce. Most days I feel pretty good as I'm sure you do too. BUT...under the surface somewhere we all still have unresolved bigger feelings that still need to be dealt with. Eventually they too will be quieted and go away if we work through them. When I get the final divorce papers I'm sure I'll go through the anger, sadness, and grief of losing my marriage. However that too shall pass. You totally did the right thing. In the short term you are just fine!:smthumbup: Can you imagine where you were just a little time ago?? You probably would have invited the bimbo in and then bam! She's got you messed up again. I hope you're proud of the progress you've made. You've worked hard!! Have an awesome day!!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Thank you, 1nurse. I honestly didn't think I'd react that way. 

I'm a thinker, a planner...I envisioned her making just this kind of overture and I'd tell her to write me a letter! And when it arrived (yes, I would read it, then) throw it away. 

Considering that I wouldn't talk, she will likely write one anyway.


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

If you're open and work through this crap this waste of space put you through then you'll find you're happily ever after. You definitely deserve it. If she does write you then do with the letter what you will. She's most likely only trying to alleviate her own guilt. Makes me laugh cause my ex has NEVER taken responsibility for what he put me through. Never admitted fault, guilt anything. I'll most likely get divorce papers and that's it. Last I heard how he explained to his shocked friends about the move and divorce "too many years of bull**** and he finally had enough." He must have been talking about what I had to put up with the last few months we are together. :rofl: Not to mention how many times he kept telling everyone how happy he is. Happy, happy, happy. Yeah okay notice how happy people don't have to tell everyone how happy they are??? What a moron. I'm better off and so are you. One day...she'll get hers. KARMA!!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Apparently I still have a little bit left for me to have reacted so poorly. 

I don't hold any conscious feelings, so I guess I still need a little more time for the forgiveness to kick in. 

I have accepted it, though. They say ignorance is bliss - well, I was pretty blissful.  I am glad to learn that I am well rid of her. I just didn't the learning process.  

Yeah, karma...but it won't happen from me.


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