# What is my role? Where am I contributing?



## [email protected] (Jul 29, 2018)

I feel lost and confused. Last month I gave my two weeks notice to my employer, I extended it to a moth notice to give the company more time to find and train a new manager. I assumed it would give me plenty of time to find a new job. We are doing ok financially it would be great to take my time to find a career that called to me.
It’s been about a month and I am going a bit crazy. My husband has been very supportive about my decision and has stood by me this whole time. 
I was picky at first with job applications only filling out applications for jobs that would meet my scheduling needs for my husband and son. Now I am filling out applications that require 24/7 flexibility. 
I was fine financially at first. But now it is coming down to the end of my finances. My husband and I keep our accounts separate. I am starting to feel like a huge bum. I really don’t want to burden my husband with having to take over daycare or groceries until I find a job. I completely feel useless. I am stressing out and checking my emails constantly for hopes of an interview. My depression has peeled high the last couple days since my son has started school again. I feel even more useless.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

[email protected] said:


> I feel lost and confused. Last month I gave my two weeks notice to my employer, I extended it to a moth notice to give the company more time to find and train a new manager. I assumed it would give me plenty of time to find a new job. We are doing ok financially it would be great to take my time to find a career that called to me.
> It’s been about a month and I am going a bit crazy. My husband has been very supportive about my decision and has stood by me this whole time.
> I was picky at first with job applications only filling out applications for jobs that would meet my scheduling needs for my husband and son. Now I am filling out applications that require 24/7 flexibility.
> I was fine financially at first. But now it is coming down to the end of my finances. My husband and I keep our accounts separate. I am starting to feel like a huge bum. I really don’t want to burden my husband with having to take over daycare or groceries until I find a job. I completely feel useless. I am stressing out and checking my emails constantly for hopes of an interview. My depression has peeled high the last couple days since my son has started school again. I feel even more useless.


A lot of times people get in trouble in marriage because they assume the way they feel is the same way their partner does. 



> I am starting to feel like a huge bum. I really don’t want to burden my husband with having to take over daycare or groceries until I find a job. I completely feel useless.


You feel this way but your husband might not feel that way at all. Why don't you tell him you are feeling like that (be vulnerable) and let this be a part of your life that can help you grow closer. Remember you are in a temporary position in your life and marriage right now. Maybe there are some good things that can come out of it. For instance are there projects that you have been putting off that you can do now that you both can get a benefit from? Maybe you can do some of the mundane things that he does, that you can do for him while you have the time so he sees some benefit in your temporary not working. 

Finally don't just assume that he will think it's more important that you have any job even at the expense of require 24/7 flexibility. Remember your quality of life is his too. 

Bottom line is you are a team not two individuals, use this to help build that. Your his wife, presumably he marriage you for a reason, he loves and want to take care of you (if he is a good husband) you are not taking advantage of him asking for his help even if that is in the form of carrying you both financial for a little while. This is not you being lazy. Give him the respect of trusting that part of his nature and him in general.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

sokillme said:


> Bottom line is you are a team not two individuals, use this to help build that. Your his wife, presumably he marriage you for a reason, he loves and want to take care of you (if he is a good husband) you are not taking advantage of him asking for his help even if that is in the form of carrying you both financial for a little while. This is not you being lazy. Give him the respect of trusting that part of his nature and him in general.


Give yourself a break.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Is your husband capable of supporting your family?


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

I’m in the reverse situation. Hubby lost his job mid summer. He’s panicking. I am not. I earn a good coin and while things may get tight, right now they are fine as long as everybody watches their spending. He qualifies for unemployment pay, and after 30 years of paying in, and putting up with a boss for seven years that crushed his spirit, i would rather see him happy at this point and wait to find something he likes
My point is this. 
COMMUNICATE with your husband. Tell him how you are feeling and your concerns. Ask for his HONEST feedback. Plan together (be a TEAM)
It is GOOD that you are motivated to get a job but remember, your desperation and depression come through in the interview.
Start taking care of yourself, physically and mentally.
Tackle some jobs around the house that keep getting put off because two working people often means time for just the basics.
Keep busy while updating your resume, contacting head hunters and making connections.

Sokillme had it absolutely right. This is a season in your marriage. You are not useless. You are finding new purpose. BIG DIFFERENCE.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Is there a reason you quit your job without another one?

Why are your finances separate?

Did you guys discuss what would happen if you didn't find a job in a reasonable amount of time?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you considered going through a temp agency? A lot of companies will hire someone from a temp agency to find out if they are a good fit. If they end up liking the work the person does, the often extend a permanent job offer.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

One doesn't need a career in order to be productive, or useful. How much money do you guys spend on child care each year? You could raise your son, what could be more rewarding than that?


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