# Open Relationship Advice



## ColdLaw (Apr 30, 2012)

My girlfriend and I have been in an open relationship for about a year now, and during that time, she's had two other partners. She really feels for the person she's currently seeing, which worries me especially. I essentially can't do anything about it because we had a major fight before which led to me allowing an open relationship for her despite me not wanting it. I love her and would do anything for her, so I let her roam, but I think she's becoming too attached than what I'm comfortable with. She even wants to take a break to see other people, which basically means she wants to try this new girl as her girlfriend. I know I can't change her mind about the break, but is there anything I can do to accept this more? Any advice is appreciated!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

She bull s****ed you into agreeing to allow her to sleep with other guys and keep you as her cuckold. Your a doormat. No you shouldn't accept this. She doesn't love you. 
Your lucky your not married, Stand up for yourself, be a MAN with some self respect. Leave her now, you'll see she wont even care.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ColdLaw said:


> My girlfriend and I have been in an open relationship for about a year now, and during that time, she's had two other partners. She really feels for the person she's currently seeing, which worries me especially. I essentially can't do anything about it because we had a major fight before which led to me allowing an open relationship for her despite me not wanting it. I love her and would do anything for her, so I let her roam, but I think she's becoming too attached than what I'm comfortable with. She even wants to take a break to see other people, which basically means she wants to try this new girl as her girlfriend. I know I can't change her mind about the break, but is there anything I can do to accept this more? Any advice is appreciated!


Agreeing to an open marriage when you are against it is incredibly weak. Sorry ... total FAIL. Good luck. This is not the woman you are looking for.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Entropy - the OP isn't married. He's dating. 

ColdLaw - The advice on this site is primarily for people who are married, separated, divorcing/divorced so it's not really geared for those who are dating. When one is dating it's common to have a non-exclusive relationship. If you girlfriend wants to change your otherwise exclusive dating relationship to a nonexclusive one, then you should consider dating other women too. Otherwise, break up with her and find someone who only wants one boyfriend at a time.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You can get a gf that respects the sanctity of a relationship.

Why are you so scared of losing this one? Does she poop gold?

Seriously, break up with her. Let her go sleep around. This is a JOKE.

Grab your balls out of her purse and knock this mess off.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Honestly dump her. You aren't in an open relationship, you are just a guy she sleeps with but doesn't like enough to make you a priority in her life.

Grow some much needed self esteem and realize that she doesn't really care about you, she won't change, and she is showing this by still dating others.

Dump her and find someone who actually values you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cory275 (Aug 11, 2011)

i've lived by this saying for a while now.. it works for me.. 

"why want someone who doesnt want you?"


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

:iagree:


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Um, don't think this poster sports a sack... something about HER getting too attached to the new GIRLFRIEND....


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> Entropy - the OP isn't married. He's dating.


And so what?
There is exclusive dating and open/serial dating.
Just because he's dating it doesn't mean the other girl MUST/SHOULD see other men.

BUT given that they both agreed for this to be an open dating then either of them can see other people at the same time.

What surprises/bothers me is the fact that the OP is so weak that he had no courage to stand up for what he believes in to tell his gf that he doesn't like open relationships.
If the partners don't see in the same direction then the relationship is a FAIL in the first place.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

lovelygirl - I'm not sure what your point is about my post. I was clearing up something Entropy had in his post about the OP agreeing to an open marriage. It's not an open marriage because the OP isn't married. 

Just because someone is dating doesn't mean they must or should see others, but people often do. It's not like people who date do the same things are married people - take vows to forsake all others for the duration of the marriage. I think if the OP doesn't want to date others then he should look for a girl that wants the same thing. That's what I said in my post.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> lovelygirl - I'm not sure what your point is about my post. I was clearing up something Entropy had in his post about the OP agreeing to an open marriage. It's not an open marriage because the OP isn't married.
> 
> Just because someone is dating doesn't mean they must or should see others, but people often do. It's not like people who date do the same things are married people - take vows to forsake all others for the duration of the marriage. I think if the OP doesn't want to date others then he should look for a girl that wants the same thing. That's what I said in my post.


I understand your point, CA. But I would like to add that when two people date each other it's up to them to decide whether to have an exclusive dating (not to see other people) or an open dating just like the OP said. So just because two people are dating it doesn't mean they should see other people as well as it doesn't mean they should see only each other. So it really depends on the couples's agreement.
I agree when you say the guy should look for another girl who has the same point of view.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Coffee Amore said:


> Entropy - the OP isn't married. He's dating.
> 
> ColdLaw - The advice on this site is primarily for people who are married, separated, divorcing/divorced so it's not really geared for those who are dating. When one is dating it's common to have a non-exclusive relationship. If you girlfriend wants to change your otherwise exclusive dating relationship to a nonexclusive one, then you should consider dating other women too. Otherwise, break up with her and find someone who only wants one boyfriend at a time.


Right. Sorry many people post here who are in a LTR. It is Talk About Marriage. But even then this was not something they wanted to to agree to. Still FAIL. People need to have self respect and should not be walked on no matter the relationship. The fact they had this discussion at all means they were in an exclusive relationship. I do see this her wanting to move one or just flat not want to be exclusive with him. I think he needs to move on as well.

He does not mention engaged. I do see folks who are engaged as not being single. As being exclusive. Taking formal vows is wonderful and does indicate a deeper commitment, but these days couples are often very commited before the formality of the wedding. Again he just mentions a girl friend but it sounds like there were exclusive. People still cheat before marriage. In her case she was being upfront and did not want exclusiveity.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> Right. Sorry many people post here who are in a LTR. It is Talk About Marriage. But even then this was not something they wanted to to agree to. Still FAIL. People need to have self respect and should not be walked on no matter the relationship.


Although the legal status of the relationship might be different the dynamics are pretty much the same. 

If you roll over and compromise on your principles you are going to be thought of as worthless. She will stay with you while it is convenient and then she will leave you for someone she can respect.


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## Dayhiker (Mar 5, 2011)

So let me see if I understand this right, you are in an open relationship and she wants a break to explore this other relationship? I thought the idea of the open relationship is that a break isn't needed to explore other relationships.:scratchhead:

I'd say you should agree to this break and just move on. By asking for a break she has just told you that you are plan b - or c or d even. Can you really live with that? Can you handle the idea that if she come back from the break that she'll do it again as she most assuredly will?

I'd also suggest that you start looking into the no more Mr Nice Guy threads. Start making some changes in yourself and find a girl who respects you.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I dunno. When I was dating....and someone wanted a "break", that was just the cheap way of breaking up.  Right?

It's the whole, "I don't want to hurt him so I'll just say I need a break right now and slowly taper him off."

Yea. Dump. her.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

When I was dating (not exclusive dating) I did what I wanted; no man I was involved with would have had any say unless there was mutally agreed on exclusivity. A talk you need to have so that you don't end up in situations like this.

And really, since you agreed to this 'openness' I'm not sure I understand the problem. Are you living together??? If so, then a crazy thing to agree to, especially since you weren't into it.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

ColdLaw:

What are YOU getting out of this relationship? Is your gf a live-in girlfriend? Do you work? Does she work? How do you split the finances?

We're confused as to whether this is a long-term relationship (if so, how long?), or whether you've only been dating for a little over a year. Knowing how long you were together BEFORE she wanted an open-relationship would help. Were you dating seriously and exclusively BEFORE the open-relationship? Dating casually? 

Hard to give better advice when pertinent information is missing. Please fill us in with more details (your age, gf's age, length of time in relationship, and questions listed above) and we can give you better advice from our perspectives.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Right. *Sorry many people post here who are in a LTR. *It is Talk About Marriage. But even then this was not something they wanted to to agree to. Still FAIL. People need to have self respect and should not be walked on no matter the relationship. The fact they had this discussion at all means they were in an exclusive relationship. I do see this her wanting to move one or just flat not want to be exclusive with him. I think he needs to move on as well.
> 
> He does not mention engaged. I do see folks who are engaged as not being single. As being exclusive. Taking formal vows is wonderful and does indicate a deeper commitment, but these days couples are often very commited before the formality of the wedding. Again he just mentions a girl friend but it sounds like there were exclusive. People still cheat before marriage. In her case she was being upfront and did not want exclusiveity.


This is also a good place to set the stage for a healthy marriage. Everyone is in a better negotiating position BEFORE they get married.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Eventually she's going to dump you for one of these other guys or someone else. The writing is all over the wall!

You can leave now with your head high or wait til she brings the axe down on whatever's left of you at the time.


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