# Is my marriage coming to an end?



## HowCanUMend (Mar 27, 2010)

My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years, together for almost 9. In the beginning of our relationship I'd say a few months in if that, she cheated on me. We managed to work things out and stay together. Fast forward to a month after we got married, She went to visit her mother and cheated again. I'm not going to stay I'm husband of the year or was boyfriend of the year either. Since the first time she cheated I held it over her head for years and every argument was a chance for me to throw her cheating in her faces. I'll say that although i didn't cheat, I was unaffectionate and "hard" towards her. Never the less she managed to put up with it. I am also in no way justifying her actions on the path she took. I just want to make the point clear we have both done wrong in our relationship. Amazingly enough we stayed together. The whole experience for me was a real eye opener. Although I am a broken man, an insecure man, and my emotions are uncontrollable. I have tried my hardest to be a better husband to her. Learning to trust her all over again has been so hard for me. We have been working on it ever since. She cheated while on vacation at her mothers. When she came home, I told her on her next vacation I didn't want her to bring our 5 year old with her and she agreed. Everything went off without a hitch. Come this year she left again to visit her mother and wanted to take our daughter so her grandmother could visit with her too. I agreed. Sorry this is so long and drawn out btw. We talked on the phone a few times a day and everything seemed good. There were a couple of fights not physical or anything with her and her mother, I had to send money to put food,etc i nthe house.(her mother isn't the best with money" Anyway. She started acting diffrent with me as she did when she cheated. She would tell me I call her to much and not to call when she's with her friends partying because it's rude. I told her since that is the place where all the bad happened, I'd prefer if she went out not to dance or hang out with other guys. I said I wasn't comfortable enough to have her do those things. I'm still trying to deal with my own insecurties over everything. She told me that was stupid and disagrees with my feelings on that. She told me she's tired of paying for the past and I just need to trust her. When I tried to talk to her about any of it, she says " I don't want to argue all we do is argue since I've been here" I said I'm trying to communicate to you not argue how can we resolve it if you think everything is an argument. She cried, I cried and I told her all the things on my mind and she said she didn't know what was wrong with her head, she said she hadn't done anything bad or would, that she loved me and was coming home. Btw she has been there 1 mth and 2 weeks. Today I called and she said she was going to a skatefest, told me she hung out with a guy I don't like, When i was there with her, this guy called me a "******" Hit me in the face with a bottle so I punched him in his face, the cops were called. He tried to tell them I tried to kill him. He tried to rape my wife when she was 14 and he's been accused of child molestation 4 times!!! I asked her how she could hang out with him and she said I talked to him we weren't hanging out, once I made my point she said...I'm sorry. Told me she had to let me go. We talk for next to no time now, it's always me calling her now, she never calls me anymore. I called her back a little later and we talked for 3 minutes and she said I have to go we talked about this when I have plans with my friends I don't want to talk to you. Then she asked me if I wouldn't call her at all starting from thurdays to sundays. I told her I felt like she's throwing me under the bus and like I'm a doormat. I said I've tried to change everything to make you happy and now it's like nothing I do is good enough. I said Oh I get it I'm being too clingy? But she told me no. She told me I was arguing and it felt like she was trying to get me to break up with her because she didn't want to be the one to do it. She hung up on me shorty after. I feel like I don't even reconize her anymore. I feel empty and I can't stop thinking, My dreams are nothing but messed up. I can't eat hardly and when I do sleep it's only for a few hours. As soon as I walk in the door I start drinking and my nights are consumed by her. When she's here, she hardly ever goes out, she never puts me or my feelings second or our daughters. What am I doing wrong??? If I don't talk to her for awhile she doesn't care. If i do it doesn't end well. She brings me up and then pushes me back down. I'm confused. I'm 29 and she's 24 going on 25. My gut tells me she wants to be single and live the single life, but I'm insecure so I can't even trust it. What should I do? Am I the one at fault. Is she? are we both?


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## Dayhiker (Mar 5, 2011)

Could you break this down into paragraphs to make this easier to read?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Dayhiker said:


> Could you break this down into paragraphs to make this easier to read?


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

HowCanUMend said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years, together for almost 9. In the beginning of our relationship I'd say a few months in if that, she cheated on me. We managed to work things out and stay together. Fast forward to a month after we got married, She went to visit her mother and cheated again. I'm not going to stay I'm husband of the year or was boyfriend of the year either. Since the first time she cheated I held it over her head for years and every argument was a chance for me to throw her cheating in her faces. I'll say that although i didn't cheat, I was unaffectionate and "hard" towards her. Never the less she managed to put up with it. I am also in no way justifying her actions on the path she took. I just want to make the point clear we have both done wrong in our relationship. Amazingly enough we stayed together. The whole experience for me was a real eye opener. Although I am a broken man, an insecure man, and my emotions are uncontrollable. I have tried my hardest to be a better husband to her. Learning to trust her all over again has been so hard for me. We have been working on it ever since. She cheated while on vacation at her mothers. When she came home, I told her on her next vacation I didn't want her to bring our 5 year old with her and she agreed. Everything went off without a hitch. Come this year she left again to visit her mother and wanted to take our daughter so her grandmother could visit with her too. I agreed. Sorry this is so long and drawn out btw. We talked on the phone a few times a day and everything seemed good. There were a couple of fights not physical or anything with her and her mother, I had to send money to put food,etc i nthe house.(her mother isn't the best with money" Anyway. She started acting diffrent with me as she did when she cheated. She would tell me I call her to much and not to call when she's with her friends partying because it's rude. I told her since that is the place where all the bad happened, I'd prefer if she went out not to dance or hang out with other guys. I said I wasn't comfortable enough to have her do those things. I'm still trying to deal with my own insecurties over everything. She told me that was stupid and disagrees with my feelings on that. She told me she's tired of paying for the past and I just need to trust her. When I tried to talk to her about any of it, she says " I don't want to argue all we do is argue since I've been here" I said I'm trying to communicate to you not argue how can we resolve it if you think everything is an argument. She cried, I cried and I told her all the things on my mind and she said she didn't know what was wrong with her head, she said she hadn't done anything bad or would, that she loved me and was coming home. Btw she has been there 1 mth and 2 weeks. Today I called and she said she was going to a skatefest, told me she hung out with a guy I don't like, When i was there with her, this guy called me a "******" Hit me in the face with a bottle so I punched him in his face, the cops were called. He tried to tell them I tried to kill him. He tried to rape my wife when she was 14 and he's been accused of child molestation 4 times!!! I asked her how she could hang out with him and she said I talked to him we weren't hanging out, once I made my point she said...I'm sorry. Told me she had to let me go. We talk for next to no time now, it's always me calling her now, she never calls me anymore. I called her back a little later and we talked for 3 minutes and she said I have to go we talked about this when I have plans with my friends I don't want to talk to you. Then she asked me if I wouldn't call her at all starting from thurdays to sundays. I told her I felt like she's throwing me under the bus and like I'm a doormat. I said I've tried to change everything to make you happy and now it's like nothing I do is good enough. I said Oh I get it I'm being too clingy? But she told me no. She told me I was arguing and it felt like she was trying to get me to break up with her because she didn't want to be the one to do it. She hung up on me shorty after. I feel like I don't even reconize her anymore. I feel empty and I can't stop thinking, My dreams are nothing but messed up. I can't eat hardly and when I do sleep it's only for a few hours. As soon as I walk in the door I start drinking and my nights are consumed by her. When she's here, she hardly ever goes out, she never puts me or my feelings second or our daughters. What am I doing wrong??? If I don't talk to her for awhile she doesn't care. If i do it doesn't end well. She brings me up and then pushes me back down. I'm confused. I'm 29 and she's 24 going on 25. My gut tells me she wants to be single and live the single life, but I'm insecure so I can't even trust it. What should I do? Am I the one at fault. Is she? are we both?


Time for her to come home. Are your kids (child) anywhere near this molester? She's acting like a single woman and blameshifting it on you being unreasonable. When I'm away, my H and I talk every day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HowCanUMend (Mar 27, 2010)

Sorry about it being all one paragraph. I was intoxicated when I wrote it.

My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years, together for almost 9. In the beginning of our relationship I'd say a few months in if that, she cheated on me. We managed to work things out and stay together. Fast forward to a month after we got married, She went to visit her mother and cheated again. 

I'm not going to say I'm husband of the year or was boyfriend of the year either. Since the first time she cheated I held it over her head for years and every argument was a chance for me to throw her cheating in her face. I'll say that although i didn't cheat, I was unaffectionate and "hard" towards her. Never the less she managed to put up with it. I am also in no way justifying her actions on the path she took. I just want to make the point clear we have both done wrong in our relationship. Amazingly enough we stayed together. 

The whole experience for me was a real eye opener. Although I am a broken man, an insecure man, and my emotions are uncontrollable. I have tried my hardest to be a better husband to her. Learning to trust her all over again has been so hard for me. We have been working on it ever since. 

She cheated while on vacation at her mothers. When she came home, I told her on her next vacation I didn't want her to bring our 5 year old with her and she agreed. Everything went off without a hitch. Come this year she left again to visit her mother and wanted to take our daughter so her grandmother could visit with her too. I agreed. 

Sorry this is so long and drawn out btw. We talked on the phone a few times a day and everything seemed good. There were a couple of fights not physical or anything with her and her mother, I had to send money to put food,etc in the house.(her mother isn't the best with money" Anyway. She started acting diffrent with me as she did when she cheated. 

She would tell me I call her to much and not to call when she's with her friends partying because it's rude. I told her since that is the place where all the bad happened, I'd prefer if she went out not to dance or hang out with other guys. I said I wasn't comfortable enough to have her do those things. I'm still trying to deal with my own insecurties over everything. 

She told me that was stupid and disagrees with my feelings on that. She told me she's tired of paying for the past and I just need to trust her. When I tried to talk to her about any of it, she says " I don't want to argue, all we do is argue since I've been here" 

I said I'm trying to communicate to you not argue how can we resolve it if you think everything is an argument. She cried, I cried and I told her all the things on my mind and she said she didn't know what was wrong with her head, she said she hadn't done anything bad or would, that she loved me and was coming home. Btw she has been there 1 mth and 2 weeks. 

Today I called and she said she was going to a skatefest, told me she hung out with a guy I don't like, When i was there with her, this guy called me a "******" Hit me in the face with a bottle so I punched him in his face, the cops were called. He tried to tell them I tried to kill him. He tried to rape my wife when she was 14 and he's been accused of child molestation 4 times!!! 

I asked her how she could hang out with him and she said I talked to him we weren't hanging out.( They were drinking together and sending fake texts to some people I know here)

Once I made my point she said...I'm sorry. Told me she had to let me go. We talk for next to no time now, it's always me calling her now, she never calls me anymore. I called her back a little later and we talked for 3 minutes and she said "I have to go, we talked about this. When I have plans with my friends I don't want to talk to you." 

Then she asked me if I wouldn't call her at all starting from thurdays to sundays. I told her I felt like she's throwing me under the bus and like I'm a doormat. I said I've tried to change everything to make you happy and now it's like nothing I do is good enough. I said Oh I get it I'm being too clingy? But she told me no. She told me I was arguing and it felt like she was trying to get me to break up with her because she didn't want to be the one to do it. 

She hung up on me shorty after. I feel like I don't even reconize her anymore. I feel empty and I can't stop thinking, My dreams are nothing but messed up. I can't eat hardly and when I do sleep it's only for a few hours. As soon as I walk in the door I start drinking and my nights are consumed by her.

When she's here, she hardly ever goes out, she never puts me or my feelings second or our daughters. What am I doing wrong??? If I don't talk to her for awhile she doesn't care. If i do, it doesn't end well. She brings me up and then pushes me back down. I'm confused. I'm 29 and she's 24 going on 25. My gut tells me she wants to be single and live the single life, but I'm insecure so I can't even trust it. What should I do? Am I the one at fault. Is she? are we both?

@Golfergirl- Thank you, and yes...my daughter is around this molester. Her mother lives in a apt complex and the guy lives just downstairs. He moved in last week. While she is out doing all her partying, my daughter is being babysat by her mother who can barely walk.


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## KJ5000 (May 29, 2011)

Can't even imagine how you are dealing with this, it must be incredibly painful.
Your wife is selfish beyond words and has no interest in maintaining a healthy marriage. 
You will spend your entire married life looking over you shoulder with this woman.

*Let her go*. Easy for me to say I know but she is foul and not worth the pain or effort it's going to take to wright this train wreck of a relationship.
You're young and though it may sound cliche'd, you WILL get over this AND her. Good luck.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Look up the 180 it will help you.
But first stop drinking!!

You need to take care of your self 1st, eat, get some sleep and go work out. Stay busy and lay off the booze. It will take some time to clear your head but it will come if you can get your strength back.

The important thing is to look after your self so you make some clear dicisions once you have gotten your self together. You can't better your marriage until you start getting your self better.

Get it? Once you get in a better place then you can focus on your marriage, so completely distance your self from your W, focus on getting your strength back and then you will see things in a different light. So please focus on you for now. 

You have to force those emotion out...I know it doesn't sound helathy to say "force emotions out" but what I mean is force those thought you have for your wife and tell your self " I need to work on my self for now" repeat it (montra).

So instead of getting a beer, get a book and read. 

Man up and make your self better and the rest will come together.


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## HowCanUMend (Mar 27, 2010)

I would love to do a 180 from where I'm at. First I want to thank all of you for the advice. I really do appreciate the input.

@the guy- You are right I really do need to get myself better. Feeling this way is killing me literally killing me. I was a strong person before and the only way to get over these feelings is to practice being strong again.

@KJ5000 Thank you, this has been one of the most painful situations in my life. It's sad that a total stranger can see what the love of my life is blind to.


She actually did call me today. I was emotional during most of it, and she was unfazed. She asked me not to cry and told me it was not her intention to make me cry. She told me she loved me, but she felt my phone calls were smothering her. She said I need to change things in my life. Not complain about the house being messy, stop trying to control what she does, who she see's etc, trust her more among other things.

She also told me she was lying to me about coming home, and that her real objective was to get an apt down there. She said the above reasons were her feelings for that. She said she felt I was not treating her right when she was here and to stop arguing with her and when she wants to get off the phone, I shouldn't make a big deal about it.

She said if I can change these things she will come hom at the end of the month or sometime in september. I'm down about the fact she seems unemotional towards our relationship. She's never been that way until now. I also feel like I'm the one making all the compromises just to keep her in my life. At this point in my life, I'm not ready to throw everything away. Then again I also feel like she might just be buying herself time. Those insecurities are playing hell on my thought process.

I know I can't change overnight and I know I have to work on trying to get myself whole again. Right now I will try my hardest to do as she asks. Hopefully if she is just stringing me around, I will have myself better by then and take the break up might better. If I have to leave the situation single, I want to leave it strong and not project my emotions over our relationship on my next possible partner...If I can even bring myself to try another shot at happiness.

My feelings right now are so bittersweet. I desperately want to believe her, but I feel honestly like the fact she can be so cold when I'm pouring my heart out, makes what she says to me just a gimmick to push things off as long as she can.

I have so much work ahead of me, it's so hard having to do it all alone. I don't want to be a stereotypical man who is considered a heartless player or put my walls back up and be unemotional like I used to be. Thanks again everyone and I will keep everyone updated.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Listen your emotional neglect was an issue in the marriage period, She is now involved with a racist and as long as the OM is influencing her all bets are off.
Untilt the OM is out of the picture there isn't a damb thing you can do about it. So stop being all lovey dovey to her, you already have been replaced.

Now that she is gone you can only hope that her affair fades and she goes fishing for you later down the road. What I mean is people want what they dont have. When the affair does fade and you are still behaving the way you are she will for sure go else were instead of looking for the man that *is* so needy. 

Face it you have no other choice but to stop contacting her, she has made it very clear she wants no contact with you when you act this way. It is a damb shame that when she finally goes fishing and desides to see how you are, you emotionaly turn into a p8ssy.

Sorry to be so plunt, I see you are sencitive guy, but I'm telling you she is looking for a strong and confident man that is no longer a emotional wimp, but is confident that he will succeed with or with out his wife.

Think about it, even the racist (OM) is got more going on then you in her eyes. In her eyes she hears a weak man on the other end of the phone and it is not very attractive.

I strongly recommend that you *wait* for her to call again and if you feel the emotion to beg and cry that you let her know that you immediately have to go and then call her back when you have pulled your self together.

I know this sh~t is painful I've been there, but I'm telling you that additude and confidence is the best approach the next time *she* calls. 

Right now you have done nothing in the past few week that has made her take a second look at her marriage. You have continued on the same path of pity and sorrow that continues to keep her away. Your not even pushing her away anymore, you have completely pushed her away. So change that, make a new plan that will make you look stronger and capable of moving on with out her. She then may start to second guess her choices.

Sorry brother but you need to hold back those emotion when you talk to her again. She needs to believe you are bad @ss mother who finaly stopped taking sh*t, someone that will move on if she doesn't pull her head out of her butt. I'm talking tough love man, trust me begging for your marriage will get you no were as long as there is a another man influencing her. And once this OM stops influencing her, you want to be the first one she calls right?


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## HowCanUMend (Mar 27, 2010)

@ the guy, I can't be that guy anymore. I was that as you put it bad motherf&*ker. That's what caused our problems in the beginning. I showed no emotions, my whole life my dad told me emotions were a sign of weakness and I believed that. I was unaffectionate, cold, hard and completely unemotional. I'm hardly worried she would start a relationship with the OM... he's unemployed, has no vehicle and I've already beaten him physically. I want to appeal to the side she asked me to, opening up, being able to express my emotions.

At this point it's not a light switch I can just turn off. There's history and a family here. I also think women don't really know what they want until they have it. 

I think there is more to her feelings then she is letting on. She's never been good with expressing what's really going on her mind.
I agree I have to stop calling her and give her complete space from me. I cannot however be cold and act like I don't care. i feel like that will most certainly end our relationship. If anything it would give her justification to find someone else.

Like I said I'm going to work hard to become stronger and get myself whole again. I'm willing to take the risk and put all my chips on the table. If i try and fail, at least I know I gave this relationship my all. Then to say I just wasted almost a decade and gave up in the end.


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## HowCanUMend (Mar 27, 2010)

Since my wife and I spoke, It seemed we had resolved a lot of the issues etc. She's told me starting next week she would be on her way back home. I stopped calling and she has been calling me a lot everyday. Also we now talk for a long time. She even kept me on the phone from 9pm until 3am. She tells me how much she loves, and says really wondeful things about our relationship. 

Yesterday morning, she called me aggravated. Told me she always feels tired and she's unhappy with her mother's house being dirty and etc etc. I asked her if she wanted me to send her two tickets home. She replied "I just want to die." She apollogized for being aggravated and told me she would call me later. She called about 1-2 hours later. She was feeling better. Told me her mother was going to stay at her sisters house for the night. She told me she wanted to talk our daughter to the fair.

I asked if she needed money and how much. She told me Just $12 for entry. I sent her $50 and told her she could have a little more fun and play some games, win some prizes with that. Later that evening she called me and told me she couldn't get a ride to the fair and that she was going to buy a case of 12 beer and drink at her mother's place with her younger brother. She also told me she sent our daughter with her mother so she could ride the horses.

She told me she would call me in a few hours after she bought the beer, did a clean up on her mother's house and her brother had arrived. I never did get that call. Around 11pm my time 1am hers. I decided to call her. She answered and I heard music and the voice of a guy who was not her brother. I asked who it was and she replied. "Joe." It was just the two of them. I was pissed to say the least, however I didn't mention it.

She must have noticed the change in my voice and she asked me if I was angry. I told her I was mad because of the fact it's "Joe" and she's having drinks with him ALONE and on my dollar no less. She told me earlier that him and her sister who she is friends with were having a fire at their mother's place. She told me on this call that he just showed up. She stayed on the phone with me and apollogized for him being there. I think about 30 minutes into our call I no longer heard him talking or changing music tracks. I asked if he was still there. She said no. I said I didn't hear him say "bye". She said he had only waved and left. Then she kept yawning and telling me how tired she was. It wasn't much longer before she said she was going to put on a movie and go to sleep.

The whole time being very sweet and saying how much she loved me. My problem is, She know's I dislike him. She obviously has an emotional bond towards him as a friend or whatever. People don't hang out with people they dislike or have no feeling towards at all. Knowing this upsets me from our last conversation of him, she facilitates the problem by not respecting my discomfort.

In my honest opinion I feel like she's been having an emotional sexual affair with him. She made sure to tell me how she had him text a girlfriend of hers, She made sure to tell me how she told him she would never get with him because he is a "dog" and his "D^%k" is going to fall off from unprotected sex. All that means to me is, she would be smart enough to use a condom. I think it's only that because she knows starting a relationship with him would pointless without finacial security which is why she would come back home.

That's the vibe I get from it all. I also could be horribly wrong but it just feels like that to me. What are your opinions? I'm not the emotional trainwreck I was and haven't drank a drop of alcohol since the 8th.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

My only advice is get your daughter out of there. You are focused on you wife, where is your concern for what your daughter is being exposed to and the fact your wife is hanging out with a child molester with your daughter around? Bring your daughter home, if you wife wants to follow she can (or not, that is up to you). But right now your concern needs to be for your daughter.


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## HowCanUMend (Mar 27, 2010)

I have the whole the story now. My wife called me today around noon. I told her I was going to be going to a club in a bigger city with a mutual couple and their roommate. She was mad, told me it was them attempting to set me up with the roommate and asked me not to go, I also told her I bought a new outfit and was getting a haircut from the barbar(I usually always cut my own hair.) She got more upset and asked why I was doing all these things. I told her I'm tired of her putting the partying before me and I'm tired of waiting for her to come around and come home.

That's when she started crying and told me that she cheated. First she told me another guy, but after finding the truth from someone online, I confronted her and then she was completely honest. She told me that from about a week after she got to her mother's she had been hanging out with her friends boyfriends brother. She told me they had been having sex for about a month. She told me while she told me she loved me on the phone and appreciated me and all that stuff, The OM was there. She told me she really liked him and she felt confused and that she thought she was sprung. She said she liked him but didn't love him and she knew that for a fact. She went on to say she really loved me. She said her feelings for him are not like a light switch she can shut off, and they developed because I was too unaffectionate with her and not fun.

She told me had unprotected sex with him constantly. That he wanted a baby but she wasn't sure because they didn't know eachother well and she didn't want to have two kids by two different men. She also told me he has a girlfriend of 9 years in other country, he is from another country on a visa, leaving end of October. She said he would still sleep with his girlfriend while he was away, but she didn't care because she liked him. She said she wanted to save the marriage and coming home might do that but she wasn't sure if she really wanted to.

She went from someone I knew 100% to someone I don't know at all. All her values and common sense are gone. She refuses to let me get my daughter. I really still do love this women her change has destroyed me. I know everyone will say get out, it's going to be hard but you can get over it. I thought if she really did come back home she would wake up and realise she's killing me and our daughter. If that is really even possible. She even told the OM she would be leaving to come back here and he said I'll miss you. 

I don't even know how she can say she loves me. I seriously am done. I have truly lost everything. My marriage, my daughter, I think she's going to go to his country with him. I have decided I no longer want to be alive. I don't want to start over. I'm 10,000 worse than I've ever been. Some of you who might go through the same experience. If you are strong enough to leave before you know. Or even if you know. RUN as fast as you can. Don't end up like me. Hollow, empty, betrayed to the max. By the time I finish this message I'll be off to write a few letters to my family and then take my shotgun and end my life. It is the only thing left for me. I have lost my family, my daughter, I only hope she can forgive me and understand my reasons. I hope in time, my wife will understand what she threw away. Thank you all for your kind words and others not so kind. I will see you all in another life.


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## Madbunny (Aug 9, 2011)

Hello are you still there??? Please don't kill yourself,you are a valuable human being. I have been whereyou are and I am crying for you at this moment PLEASE call someone.You don't know that she will get your daughter isn't it at least worth seeing her grow into a woman?I am sorry, I just wish you would not do this.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

Please don't do anything drastic. You have not lost everything. You still have your daughter. Do you want her to grow up with the knowledge that her father did they thing you are talking about? Don't do that to her. If you can't keep on for your own sake then do it for her. 


You need to talk to an attorney right away and find out what you rights are concerning your daughter. Tell the attorney what kind of environment your wife has your daughter in now. 

You may not want to think about divorce but it appears to be the option at the moment. How many times has your wife cheated on you? And she was having unprotected sex with another man who she knew wanted a baby??!! She has no regard for you or her daughter.

She is the one with the problems - not you.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

To the OP... by now hopefully you've calmed down and come to your senses, and NOT have killed yourself. Why kill yourself over the actions of another, your wife is the one that did wrong... not you.

When reading your posts, i knew your wife was still cheating way before you finally revealed it to us all. All the Red Flags were still there to an outsider looking in, her trying to blame you for her not coming home was basically an exscuse to continue to get her freak on. No guy leaves a woman in the middle of the night when they've both been drinking. The minute you hung up the phone..., And of course, the obvious, "Your friend wants to hook you up with somebody..." that was her guilt talking as she tried to flip the script on you.

Now you have to concentrate on your daughter. I've been down the road of depression and dispair, and only thing that helped me was how killing myself would of affected my daughter. It might of scarred her for life. Get a lawyer, dump this chick, and see if you can get custody on the grounds that she is an unfit mother. Save all the texts you get from her. Document everything!!!


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Pack her stuff, ship them off back to her mom's house and tell her to stay there for now. Being with your daughter and working on yourself is the biggest priority right now. It seems like she needs 1-2 months out of the year to go back home, bang around and party like a single person.

You don't want that and don't need that. Chalk it up to a learning experience, you still have your daughter to live for. Bring her up and teach her right from wrong so that she will never do what your ex-wife has done to you. But do not ever make all women out to be bad in front of your daughter. You got a bad one, doesn't mean they're all bad.

Look at your daughter and everything will be clear, your mind will still be racing 100 miles and hour but you'll probably see clear enough to know what you have to do to keep going on. When she asks daddy, what's wrong and I love you, that alone should be enough love to keep you going on. Wow, brought a tear to my eye just thinking if my daughter would say this to me if I were in your position.

If you can read this and you're in SoCal, hit me up I'll take you out and have a drink with you. We're total strangers but sometimes talking to stranger is easier than to a friend or family.

If you need a babysitter, my wife can babysit. I can throw a BS line that you're an old buddy from college visiting. Hell I've done that a couple of times with online friends (from playing wow and SC2) that just pop our of nowhere once in a while lol. Yes even the babysitting lol. And don't worry, my wife isn't an axe murderer, everyone and everybody has used my wife to babysit their kids when they were small.


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## arack (Aug 23, 2011)

OP, please don't do anything drastic. I understand that you are hurting right now. Call a good friend or a family member for help. Remember your daughter. You are fighting for her now.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

Thank you to the member who reported this post. I have contacted the national suicide prevention hotline and 911. They both told me that they could not do anything without additional information, so I contacted the ISP to see if they will reveal any additional information to us or the authorities regarding the user's IP address, which I passed on to them. Hopefully the member who posted the suicide threat has not followed through with it.


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