# Anniversary tomorrow-anxiety overload



## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

Ug. My 20 year wedding anniversary is tomorrow and I have a huge pit in my stomach. I just want to stay home curled up in bed and pretend it's not happening. Instead I will dress nicely for work, say thank you to the friends and family who send notes or wish us well on social media, and dress up for a last anniversary dinner with my husband. I'm debating if I should even bother with make up. 

Sorry-just needed to put it out there. I keep telling myself it's just another day. And I truly am blessed that my H cares about what we have had enough to think that we should still recognize that time together. He's right-it is worth celebrating. I'm just letting myself get worked up about it. 

I've just never been good at "lasts".


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## PRL (May 1, 2014)

Our anniversary was yesterday, would've been 13 years. We were still here together but obviously we didn't celebrate it in light of the divorce proceedings. Just sharing that so you know you're not alone in going through your anniversary during a crappy time. Best to you.


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## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

Why is it worth celebrating? There's nothing that says you have to go. Will you be able to get through it without crying or feeling sad?

If it's something that feels right with you, and you want that last time together celebrating an anniversary, then I wish you well.

For me, an anniversary is an occasion that celebrates being married and happy and wanting to spend a lifetime together. If that's not in your future, why go?


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

It's worth celebrating because we made it 20 years. We have lost three parents, made it through infidelity, job loss, career changes, and most importantly, raised two amazing children. 

We still care for each other deeply, but we can agree that we probably rushed into our marriage when we were young, and are both very different people now. Yes, I will cry tonight. I will be sad. I love him, and wish we weren't divorcing. But he has made up his mind that he wants us both to happier, and I can't argue that it is likelier to happen if we are not together. 

But I'm still sad, and today is still a hard day.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

How was it TooNice? It is over now. Another day, cheer up!


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

Bluebirdie said:


> How was it TooNice? It is over now. Another day, cheer up!


Thanks, BB. It was sad, but I'm glad we went out. We picked a lovely restaurant and were spoiled by the staff there. I'm sure they thought we were crazy, though-celebrating, yet both of us crying through half the night. 

We talked about a lot of changes that have taken place over the years, we talked about victories and regrets and our children. 

Im glad he wanted to do that. As sad as I was, it was far better than sitting home and feeling sorry for myself. We've done a lot of good in our years together. It was worth commemorating.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

I am glad for you TooNice. We cry, we regret, we have happy memories, we have a rollercoaster of emotions. 

We also have our moments with H, not getting togethers though, cause is a definite NO for him, but we still talk amicable and try to maintain peace, while going through this phase knowing M is sadly over. No common interests more than do right things and raise kids with values; which we have done thanks God until today.

Have a great evening!


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

sounds like torture. 

My anniversary is in a month. No way I will acknowledge it or try to celebrate it with her. I still love her and wish her well. She wishes me well too. But we are done, and contact like that just pulls me back in and does not let me see the reality that this is over. 

Dragging this out like you are is just causing you lots of pain and keeping you from moving on. What does your counselor say now? At point he/she said not to give up on the marriage, but what is happening now there?


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

Arendt said:


> sounds like torture.
> 
> My anniversary is in a month. No way I will acknowledge it or try to celebrate it with her. I still love her and wish her well. She wishes me well too. But we are done, and contact like that just pulls me back in and does not let me see the reality that this is over.
> 
> Dragging this out like you are is just causing you lots of pain and keeping you from moving on. What does your counselor say now? At point he/she said not to give up on the marriage, but what is happening now there?


Parts of the "dragging out" are remarkable difficult. But on Saturday my therapist and I agreed that as hard as it can be now, it will make things easier in the future. I can see that. We just have so much history and have been through so much together, that it is easy to see the good and acknowledge that we did not waste 20 years. 

It is said here over and over that it takes two. If you're not both there, someone has to realize that they cannot save a marriage singlehandedly. So I am back to visualizing how I would like a partnership to look one day. And trying to disconnect here. 

I know this will be out there soon. That will change everything.


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