# She asked me out.



## TheFlood117

So, just like 10 minutes ago I got a call from her. It was pertaining to our kid and then she asked me out on a date, lol. Now, she has been trying to bang me for months. It started on D-day and it really hasn't stopped. Although the last few weeks leading up to a divorce- (that was finalized last week) she was going from angry super diva b!tch on wheels too, I can't live without you I need you type person. So... Yeah. Now I said, "on your dollar homeslice, I might consider it". And she said, "Well yeah, silly bear that's why I'm asking you". I said "where"? and she was like "anywhere you want" So I said a restaurant that is five star and famous. And she agreed. 

Now, I'm not inclined to miss out on a 5 star meal. I mean for a lonely ole' civil servant that maybe pulls in 50 grand a year, this sounds pretty good. And plus, I think I just need to bang her out a bit. Really, I can't think of any reason not to do this. Divorce is done and done. Marriage is dissolved. 

So.... Yeah, I think it's a great idea. 

So TAM. Am I in the clear here. Or am I batsh!t nuts just like my ex, lol. 

Thoughts? 

I know this opening doors for crazy stuff to happen. But in all honesty, I do really, really miss her.


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## tom67

TheFlood117 said:


> So, just like 10 minutes ago I got a call from her. It was pertaining to our kid and then she asked me out on a date, lol. Now, she has been trying to bang me for months. It started on D-day and it really hasn't stopped. Although the last few weeks leading up to a divorce- (that was finalized last week) she was going from angry super diva b!tch on wheels too, I can't live without you I need you type person. So... Yeah. Now I said, "on your dollar homeslice, I might consider it". And she said, "Well yeah, silly bear that's why I'm asking you". I said "where"? and she was like "anywhere you want" So I said a restaurant that is five star and famous. And she agreed.
> 
> Now, I'm not inclined to miss out on a 5 star meal. I mean for a lonely ole' civil servant that maybe pulls in 50 grand a year, this sounds pretty good. And plus, I think I just need to bang her out a bit. Really, I can't think of any reason not to do this. Divorce is done and done. Marriage is dissolved.
> 
> So.... Yeah, I think it's a great idea.
> 
> So TAM. Am I in the clear here. Or am I batsh!t nuts just like my ex, lol.
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> I know this opening doors for crazy stuff to happen. But in all honesty, I do really, really miss her.


If you can handle it emotionally I say why not.

My ex has been trying but I'm in a relationship and I'm not stooping to that.
I know you have your head screwed on straight whatever you decide bro.


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## warlock07

I asked this in your update thread.

Would it matter if she is dated/is dating other people ?

What happened to her OM ? Was she dumped ?


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## manticore

well I guess it depends, on your intentions and if she is aware, if she was just your ex but there were no kids involved I would tell you, sure man do whatever you want.

but like you are going to have a relationship with her related to your kid for the rest of your life, I will tell you, be careful in what she expects from you a be honest in your intentions.

if the most you can offer is a FWB or if you really think that in the future reconcilation is possible be honest about it, if she is agrees with whatever you propose then no problem, but if she is expecting something different from you, be carefull you don't want to make this woman your enemy or make her resent you, after all she still can make your life difficult regarding your kid


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## tom67

warlock07 said:


> I asked this in your update thread.
> 
> Would it matter if she is dated/is dating other people ?
> 
> What happened to her OM ? Was she dumped ?


Don't go bareback be prepared.

Then have fun.


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## JustSomeGuyWho

TheFlood117 said:


> So, just like 10 minutes ago I got a call from her. It was pertaining to our kid and then she asked me out on a date, lol. Now, she has been trying to bang me for months. It started on D-day and it really hasn't stopped. Although the last few weeks leading up to a divorce- (that was finalized last week) she was going from angry super diva b!tch on wheels too, I can't live without you I need you type person. So... Yeah. Now I said, "on your dollar homeslice, I might consider it". And she said, "Well yeah, silly bear that's why I'm asking you". I said "where"? and she was like "anywhere you want" So I said a restaurant that is five star and famous. And she agreed.
> 
> Now, I'm not inclined to miss out on a 5 star meal. I mean for a lonely ole' civil servant that maybe pulls in 50 grand a year, this sounds pretty good. And plus, I think I just need to bang her out a bit. Really, I can't think of any reason not to do this. Divorce is done and done. Marriage is dissolved.
> 
> So.... Yeah, I think it's a great idea.
> 
> So TAM. Am I in the clear here. Or am I batsh!t nuts just like my ex, lol.
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> I know this opening doors for crazy stuff to happen. But in all honesty, I do really, really miss her.



R u seeing anybody else right now?

Sex is one thing as long as both of you agree that's all it is but I think you're asking for trouble.

Do you miss her or are you just horny and miss being with a woman? Why not spend 5star money on a date with somebody else?

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## WorkingOnMe

Just don't spend the night. And cover it up.


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## tom67

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> R u seeing anybody else right now?
> 
> Sex is one thing as long as both of you agree that's all it is but I think you're asking for trouble.
> 
> Do you miss her or are you just horny and miss being with a woman? Why not spend 5star money on a date with somebody else?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


Hey she's paying.
But those are good points.


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## tom67

I'll bet anything she has gotten info you have been dating and her limbic brain can't take it anymore.
Eh go for it.
Observe though.
Not just what's said but what isn't said.


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## TheFlood117

Thanks all for your replies and support. Few things. 

- she is not dating

- OM is out of the picture. He his getting divorced and taken to the cleaners- righteous pay back. This is why you always. ALWAYS tell the other spouse. The. set back and watch the show, lulz. 

- She knows I've been playing the field. I'd say somewhere between 11 or 12 chicks. Nothing serious. I just am what I am. A player. Always was. This will not change. She is going to have to win ME back and prove to me she's loyal and not a cheating ho. 

-I am not paying for it. She is. 

- I don't really care if she dates other men. Just as long as she doesn't bring them around our kid for at least 1 year- this was in the custody agreements for both parties. My son doesn't know what his dad does when he's with his mom. I will not bring women in and out of his life. And his mother will do the same. 

- I am still very, very attracted to my wife. And I feel I'm entitled to a few things now that Divorce is finalized, lol. Well.... More than a few. If you get my drift.

- She knows this doesn't mean that we are dating. I think she just wants me. The level of "f*ck me now" vibes I've gotten from her since D-day are incredible. This is just the latest and most blunt. 

- Like I said many, many times. I still love her. She's not a bad person. She handled this divorce in a pretty much awesome way. She's a good mother and a BEAUTIFUL and sexy as f*ck woman. I mean, I can't blame scumbag OM for taking the bait. She's super fine. And I'm going to take what I want. 

Thanks TAM. I'll tell her it's on. 

Crazy, crazy last year or so. Just nuts. 

Is it odd that I feel better than I have in weeks? 

So much for minimal contact just about the kid huh, lulz. 

Thanks TAM.


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## illwill

You are clearly still too attached for casual sex. You went from a free meal to her being super sexy and awesome. You are even making excuses for the other man. What man could resist her? Well many men could after what she did. 

Not saying this is bad, but call it what it is.


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## warlock07

Yup, your choice but it won't just be casual sex. Maybe delayed hysterical bonding ? You did not have sex with her since D-day, right? 

You even saw the pictures. Prepare to have some flashes


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## Daisy10

Yes, do it.


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## LostViking

Have a nice meal. Try to get into he head. Determine if she is just in it for the sex, and not trying to set you up. If she says she wants to be exclusive FWB tell her no way. Tell her you won't mind sleeping with her but you have no intentions of stopping dating other women. Make her understand she is now just one in a gallery of contenders and that if she wants you to herself she will have to step up her game. 

He answer will let you know if she is serious or if she is screwing with your mind.


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## 86857

TheFlood117 said:


> I know this opening doors for crazy stuff to happen. But in all honesty, I do really, really miss her.


I'm not worried about you going out for an expensive dinner and perhaps some frolics afterwards.

*"But in all honesty, I do really, really miss her."*
But dang! . . . I just wish you hadn't said that. 
"I miss her". Not good. 
"I really miss her." Worse.
"I really really miss her". Now we have a 'situation'.

I didn't read your thread so I don't know what she did. Whatever it was ended in divorce. 
You're right. Some crazy stuff might start happening in that brain of yours.
And TAM is always here if it does.


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## dogman

This is a bad idea, Flood.

If you crack the door it can lead to a situation where you'll be saying to yourself "how did I end up here...PHUCK!"


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## sinnister

You're in way over your head and she knows it.

As previously stated you can't detach. You still love and really really miss her. Game over. She's roped you in.


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## LongWalk

You're in a good position, Flood. You saw the divorce through. She has fought to win you back. You have chemistry. Hope you can reconcile if that is what you both want. No need to remarry, until you are both certain. 

Protect your child from false hopes.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## Philat

TheFlood117 said:


> - She knows I've been playing the field. I'd say somewhere between 11 or 12 chicks. Nothing serious. I just am what I am. A player. Always was. This will not change.


Flood, just one question if you don't mind, brought to mind by the quote from your post.

Somewhere in your main thread you mentioned that in the past you had occasionally played the role of OM with married women. Since you are back to playing the field, how will you handle these situations now, after your experience with a WW?


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## chillymorn

Bad idea.

move on with your life.

JMHO.

shes got you wrapped and is up too no good.


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## MrK

TheFlood117 said:


> Am I in the clear here. Or am I batsh!t nuts?
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> I know this opening doors for crazy stuff to happen. *But in all honesty, I do really, really miss her.*


Even w/o the bold, I'm going for bat**** nuts. Add the bold, and I find it amazing that ANYONE said it was anything but a horrible idea.


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## theroad

warlock07 said:


> I asked this in your update thread.
> 
> Would it matter if she is dated/is dating other people ?
> 
> What happened to her OM ? Was she dumped ?


Waiting for some good answers to these good questions.


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## theroad

Many people have remarried after a divorce and had a good marriage.

I would not rush back into a marriage with WW.

Though I see no problem with dating her. Though she has to be 100% transparent with you and do everything as if she was recovering the marriage.

This is a must to show you that she has learned how to affair proof her life post D day.


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## BetrayedDad

TheFlood117 said:


> So, just like 10 minutes ago I got a call from her. It was pertaining to our kid and then she asked me out on a date, lol. Now, she has been trying to bang me for months. It started on D-day and it really hasn't stopped. Although the last few weeks leading up to a divorce- (that was finalized last week) she was going from angry super diva b!tch on wheels too, I can't live without you I need you type person. So... Yeah. Now I said, "on your dollar homeslice, I might consider it". And she said, "Well yeah, silly bear that's why I'm asking you". I said "where"? and she was like "anywhere you want" So I said a restaurant that is five star and famous. And she agreed.


Bottom line. She's trying to use sex and charm to win you back. She's playing the player and you're falling for it. She might have lost the divorce battle but she's slowly winning the war. She's even got you making excuses for the OM. Why? If she's as hot as you claim she is then she will always have guys hitting on her. So she's responsible for keeping it in her pants. She sold you out and you're starting to forget that cause you're in a fog over her. 




TheFlood117 said:


> Now, I'm not inclined to miss out on a 5 star meal. I mean for a lonely ole' civil servant that maybe pulls in 50 grand a year, this sounds pretty good. And plus, I think I just need to bang her out a bit. Really, I can't think of any reason not to do this. Divorce is done and done. Marriage is dissolved.
> 
> So.... Yeah, I think it's a great idea.


It's really not a good idea. You said it yourself the divorce did not bring you closure. This will only reverse any progress you've already made. It you could handle it then I'd say go for it but you're obviously still hung up on her so you clearly can't.




TheFlood117 said:


> So TAM. Am I in the clear here. Or am I batsh!t nuts just like my ex, lol.
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> I know this opening doors for crazy stuff to happen. But in all honesty, I do really, really miss her.


Again, this is the problem... You still haven't detached from her and there is no way you can just start banging her without it messing with your head and making things more painful for you emotionally. In the end, it's up to you, just be prepared for it to hurt you more cause you'll start getting all sentimental then that'll trigger you to remember what she did and you'll be back on the emotional rollercoaster.

My advice go keep banging random chicks till you find one whose a keeper. She won't ever change the question is will you?


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## Acabado

It was coming, we just needed to read your other threads. Let's face, you are considering giving her a second chance.

Just be careful, guard your heart, think with the right head, watch her from afar, whether she's doing the very much needed internal changes to affair proof herself (hopely lastings, permanent) and try to not pay atttention to the most "superficial" stuff like she still loves or desires you (which always can change, she still loved you and wanted you yet she cheated).


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## The Middleman

TheFlood117 said:


> Now, she has been trying to bang me for months. It started on D-day and it really hasn't stopped.


*DON'T DO IT!* The oldest trick in the book to get you back is for you to _*"accidentally"*_ knock her up. And I've heard this happen ... more than once. Do yourself a favor and keep your distance.


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## BK23

I know you don't have it in you, but it would be awesome to enjoy the fancy meal on her dime, and then not put out. 

Thank you for the lovely meal, but you're not really up to my standards...


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## LostViking

The Middleman said:


> *DON'T DO IT!* The oldest trick in the book to get you back is for you to _*"accidentally"*_ knock her up. And I've heard this happen ... more than once. Do yourself a favor and keep your distance.


He could get a vasectomy first then bang her without telling her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Middleman

LostViking said:


> He could get a vasectomy first then bang her without telling her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's fine, but knocking her up would be awful ... and don't let anyone tell me that women don't intentionally do that to get the man they want. He'd put himself into a horrible situation. A vasectomy wouldn't be the worse thing in the world ... and it gives him peace of mind.


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## mahike

This might be the best sex ever but be prepared for the fall out. The mind movies and a real chance of an emotional low. You may be out dating again but you are still showing a real attachment to your ex wife.

Just tread carefully on thin ice


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## Graywolf2

LostViking said:


> He could get a vasectomy first then bang her without telling her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He could also make a deposit in a sperm bank before he gets clipped. That way he can have more kids if he wants. 

Good idea for any guy having casual sex with many partners.


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## Clay2013

Flood, 
I read all three of your posts last night. I would die if I found pictures of my spouse doing those things to someone else. For me that would never change. I don't care how hot she was. There is no way in my mind she would ever be hot to me again. You have to do what you think is right for your and what you want to do. 

There is just no way in hell she would even get a date with me again. I would be like thanks but no thanks. You cheated and you lost. That's your problem not mine. 

I resolved my problem. I divorced you.

Clay 

Just my thoughts.


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## verpin zal

Hoy!

I see R ahead!


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## bfree

Go shag her. Either it will be great or it will be a shot in your gut. Either way it will be an noteworthy experience.


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## bfree

LostViking said:


> He could get a vasectomy first then bang her without telling her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When is the new male contraceptive coming out? I heard they are already in clinical trials.


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## The Middleman

bfree said:


> Go shag her. Either it will be great or it will be a shot in your gut. Either way it will be an noteworthy experience.


Too risky to do with someone who wants to get back with him. He'll be changing diapers before you know it.


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## jack.c

i think the flood is starting to drown.......


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## SaltInWound

TheFlood117 said:


> Now I said, "on your dollar *homeslice*, I might consider it".


Everytime I hear that word it makes me laugh.


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## JustSomeGuyWho

Clay2013 said:


> Flood,
> I read all three of your posts last night. I would die if I found pictures of my spouse doing those things to someone else. For me that would never change. I don't care how hot she was. There is no way in my mind she would ever be hot to me again. You have to do what you think is right for your and what you want to do.
> 
> There is just no way in hell she would even get a date with me again. I would be like thanks but no thanks. You cheated and you lost. That's your problem not mine.
> 
> I resolved my problem. I divorced you.
> 
> Clay
> 
> Just my thoughts.


Yeah, "hotness" is subjective and if I don't like who the person is then I don't care how physically attractive they are, I will see right past that to who they are.


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## Clay2013

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Yeah, "hotness" is subjective and if I don't like who the person is then I don't care how physically attractive they are, I will see right past that to who they are.


Exactly. Since when should we value ourselves less because they have. I really understand people going to a bar and hooking up with someone or a club. The point is they don't know that person. They did not see photos of her being with someone else. There is no obligation at all. If his xW gave it up that easy imagine how many other guys are hitting now too. 

Clay


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## BradWesley

The Middleman said:


> Too risky to do with someone who wants to get back with him. He'll be changing diapers before you know it.


100% Agree!!!!!!!

The minute you try to slip on a condom, she'll remind you of the old days when you were bareback. She will use mind blowing sex to convince you.

She has not been with anyone for months, meaning she is probably off any form of birth control.

Flood, Middleman is right, she is reeling you in, and you will be changing diapers.

You've been down that road once, why would you want to do it again?


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## Healer

Yuck, IMO. My stbxww hit me up for a bootie call a few ekes back. I didn't reply. And yes, she's hot and the sex was great. All I see is weirdness, problems more problems. 

Plus, my cheating ex doesn't get the privledge of my manhood anymore. She gave that up when she spread for posom.

But hey, to each his own.


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## LostViking

BradWesley said:


> 100% Agree!!!!!!!
> 
> The minute you try to slip on a condom, she'll remind you of the old days when you were bareback. She will use mind blowing sex to convince you.
> 
> She has not been with anyone for months, meaning she is probably off any form of birth control.
> 
> Flood, Middleman is right, she is reeling you in, and you will be changing diapers.
> 
> You've been down that road once, why would you want to do it again?


In his other thread I believe he said she had sex with another guy just a couple weeks ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Healer

Yuck, IMO. My stbxww hit me up for a bootie call a few weeks back. I didn't reply. And yes, she's hot and the sex was great. All I see is weirdness, problems more problems. 

Plus, my cheating ex doesn't get the privledge of my manhood anymore. She gave that up when she spread for posom.

But hey, to each his own.


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## BradWesley

LostViking said:


> In his other thread I believe he said she had sex with another guy just a couple weeks ago.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BradWesley

LostViking said:


> In his other thread I believe he said she had sex with another guy just a couple weeks ago.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmmm - On page 1 of this thread he mentioned his ex was not dating, and that the OM was out of the picture getting divorced.

Sorry for the double post


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## convert

hope she is not pregnate and trying to saddle you. but a DNA test would comfirm, just try to cover some bases


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## LostViking

BradWesley said:


> Hmmm - On page 1 of this thread he mentioned his ex was not dating, and that the OM was out of the picture getting divorced.
> 
> Sorry for the double post


Maybe I'm thinking of a different thread. Fvck me, I can't keep track of them anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hardtohandle

OP too much bravado for me.

I think you still want her badly and this is just the excuse..

I had a hot Ex wife.. great body, great hair, great face.. Other people would complement me about my wife.. 

For me fvcking my Ex would be betraying my son at this time.. 

Again I don't know.. I'm not a multi-dater, I'm very picky about my woman. I can say I probably turned down more women for sex then I had partners.. I just don't fvck anything that moves..

My point is try for more quality and less quantity.. I have dated 2 woman so far which I can say are both better than my Ex. 

I just got called a pedofile in a comedy club because the comedian asked my GF her age and she said 25 ( she is 40 ).. They believed her. They asked my age and I said 46.. 

She is better looking and makes more money than my Ex..

And get this.. She NEVER CHEATED ON ME..

Why the fvck would I want my Ex back..

Don't do it.. 

Go to therapy.. I am positive your therapist would tell you not to do it..


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## just got it 55

TheFlood117 said:


> Thanks all for your replies and support. Few things.
> 
> - she is not dating
> 
> - OM is out of the picture. He his getting divorced and taken to the cleaners- righteous pay back. This is why you always. ALWAYS tell the other spouse. The. set back and watch the show, lulz.
> 
> - She knows I've been playing the field. I'd say somewhere between 11 or 12 chicks. Nothing serious. I just am what I am. A player. Always was. This will not change. She is going to have to win ME back and prove to me she's loyal and not a cheating ho.
> 
> -I am not paying for it. She is.
> 
> - I don't really care if she dates other men. Just as long as she doesn't bring them around our kid for at least 1 year- this was in the custody agreements for both parties. My son doesn't know what his dad does when he's with his mom. I will not bring women in and out of his life. And his mother will do the same.
> 
> - I am still very, very attracted to my wife. And I feel I'm entitled to a few things now that Divorce is finalized, lol. Well.... More than a few. If you get my drift.
> 
> - She knows this doesn't mean that we are dating. I think she just wants me. The level of "f*ck me now" vibes I've gotten from her since D-day are incredible. This is just the latest and most blunt.
> 
> - Like I said many, many times. I still love her. She's not a bad person. She handled this divorce in a pretty much awesome way. She's a good mother and a BEAUTIFUL and sexy as f*ck woman. I mean, I can't blame scumbag OM for taking the bait. She's super fine. And I'm going to take what I want.
> 
> Thanks TAM. I'll tell her it's on.
> 
> Crazy, crazy last year or so. Just nuts.
> 
> Is it odd that I feel better than I have in weeks?
> 
> So much for minimal contact just about the kid huh, lulz.
> 
> Thanks TAM.


Flood Just have Fun She can be your fvcktoy if thats cool with her


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## tom67

just got it 55 said:


> Flood Just have Fun She can be your fvcktoy if thats cool with her


:whip::whip::whip:


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## awake1

If you saw someone climb out of a deep pit, and then look at you and say "this time I can slow my fall" and jump right back in what would you say?

Better not to jump in the first place than worry about what happens after you do. Failing that, get a very long rope. 

If however feelings are dead and you're starting at square 1 with minimal baggage, that's different.


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## PBear

I'm with the "don't do it" crowd. It will only stunt your separation and emotional progress. 

Go get some strange from someone who HASN'T screwed you over. You have much better odds of building a healthy relationship with a new person. Heck, my SO and I met on an "adult" website, looking for FWB. That was almost 3 years ago. Turns out we were compatible with each other, and the "strings" started forming. But initially, it was the mind-blowing sex, which is still awesome! 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Healer

Your bravado does seem a bit over the top.


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## LostViking

Healer said:


> Your bravado does seem a bit over the top.


It is nervous bravado -- like he is psyching himself up to do something he really doesn't _want_ to do, but feels _compelled_ to do otherwise. Like eating a live mealworm because someone dared him to. He thinks he'll come across as a pvssy if he does not.


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## VFW

This all depends where your head is at right now. If you are just out for a good time with a beautiful woman then go for it dude. If you are looking for anything long term, then I would suggest that you make it an early evening.


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## LongWalk

Flood,

Do what you want.

You squashed the affair. Got remorse. She humbled herself. The divorce put her in bad mood just before it became final but for the most part she has been eager to please.

You wrote that she is good person who made bad choices. Even after divorce she is still trying: she's an energetic person. She was going to give you a threesome to compensate for her infidelity. Not every BS gets that offer.


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## kristin2349

LostViking said:


> It is nervous bravado -- like he is psyching himself up to do something her really doesn't _want_ to do, but feels _compelled_ to do otherwise. Like eating a live mealworm because someone dared him to. He thinks he'll come across as a pvssy if he does not.



Live mealworms? She's a skilled predator posing as a house pet. He's the mouse she keeps batting around. She'll tire of him and snap his neck if he doesn't run. Ignore primal instincts at your own peril.


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## The Middleman

LongWalk said:


> Flood,
> 
> Do what you want.
> 
> You squashed the affair. Got remorse. She humbled herself. The divorce put her in bad mood just before it became final but for the most part she has been eager to please.
> 
> You wrote that she is good person who made bad choices. Even after divorce she is still trying: she's an energetic person. She was going to give you a threesome to compensate for her infidelity. Not every BS gets that offer.


Are you suggesting he take her back? We finally get a guy here who handles a cheating spouse correctly and he should go back?


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## LongWalk

> Not only did I accomplish the goal of having ex-wife served at work. But it happened in front of everyone, including the d-bag OM. At the same time, I exposed her to friends and family, far and wide. It was legit.
> 
> She freaked, lol. Came home in tears and absolutely shocked, she was crying and shaking. I thought about holding her, but then I realized I didn't want to catch "cheating dumb wh0re" syndrome. So I just watched the breakdown.
> 
> Then I said, in a cold, calculating tone. "I need you to pack a few things and go stay with your sister or parents for a while, I don't think our son needs to see you in this state. So please, get off the floor and start packing some things and leave".
> 
> And she did.
> 
> OWNED.
> 
> It worked, lol. I really couldn't believe it, but full on exposure and a cool, calm attitude crushed her into submission. I wanted to like do a huge celebration maybe dance the dougie or something. But I kept my cool demeanor as she got packed in tears, saying how she "loves me" and "I'm her heart and soul"... Dafuq????
> 
> And how she didn't love OM and that she thought of me during her time with him... blah, blah, blah.
> 
> I just was like "yeah, I understand. But you need to leave, so just focus on packing your clothes."
> 
> She said she wanted to go get our son and take him with her, I said "NOT. GOING. To. Happen." I guess I kinda got all alpha male on her and kinda intimidated her a bit, and she really started crying. She even said, that I could go have other girls and stuff, and then we could be even. All sorts of really crazy and f*cked up things started coming out of her mouth. Like "she thought I was having an affair when she was pregnant, and that she feels that she's not good enough for me and that she doesn't like how women look and flirt with me, and that I could even bring another girl home (like all guys, I've fantasized about my wife with another girl, but I was never really serious about it) and it would "break her heart" but she would let it happen. I mean, just some wacky stuff.
> 
> Well, she left but not after she tried to f*ck me, I mean full on like c*ck hungry slvt, but I turned her down ( I gotta admit, it was really tough as my wife is so beautiful, even when she cries). Then she just got quite and cried into my chest, she said "do you hate me". I said, I don't hate you, but I can't stand the sight or sound of you and you really need to leave. But yes, I kinda hate you.
> 
> Then she left.
> 
> 
> And then I cried, uncontrollably. I wept. I think it was just the stress and the realization that this all happened in about 2 hours . I just set on the couch and cried, for a while. Then I stopped, and took a long cold shower. After I felt pretty good.
> 
> Our son, was confused that mom wasn't living in the house anymore, but I told him that Mommy and Daddy are going to not be around each other like we used to. That Mom and Dad have decided the best thing would be to just be Mom and Dad. Then I hugged him and held him for what seemed like an eternity.
> 
> 
> Big changes happened. But with my incredibly family support and great friends I adopted to being a single dad pretty well.
> 
> The ex-wife moved in with her Parents for a few months, then got herself a small house to rent.
> 
> I never kept our son from his mom. When he wanted to see her and stay with her, I let him. I feel that, because I have such a strong relationship with my mother, my son deserves at least the opportunity to form a bond with his mom, even if his mom did something bad to his father. I felt that being a good father and adult required me to encourage a good relationship with his mom.
> 
> 
> But it hasn't been all smooth sailing. I've had some setback and have almost or been on the verge of f*cking everything up. When I told the OM wife, she wanted to meet. After we met, she totally wanted to bang. I could have banged the wife of the guy that banged my wife. I thought about it. I really did. But then I thought that I wouldn't' let my wife's behavior curve mine, so I didn't do it, but again, it was so, oh so tempting. My exwife didn't stop trying to "win" me back. She consistently (still does) makes advancements towards me. And I've almost slipped up. Almost. But I've done ok. This has been a very emotional time in my life. And I've found a new found energy, an extra gear I guess. I have trucked through it.
> 
> Now, I have had some fun, when my son is with his mother. And oh boy, has ex-wife really gotten jealous. I can't help it. With all this stress I need release. And there are plenty of women who are willing to release it with me, lol. Nothing serious, but I got a consistent booty call list going on. It's nice.
> 
> But I do miss my wife, I won't lie, I love her. Big time. It's been so, so tough. I mean, my god, she's absolutely stunning and we just have "it". Now, I am going full steam into the divorce. I will not reconcile with her or placate and become a doormat. But I do crave her. It makes me sad and anxious. I wish I could go no contact, but that's impossible. And plus, If I'm honest, I don't really want to. Like I said. Emotionally draining. This has been the only thing that's shocked me about this- how much I still love my exwife. On d-day I basically despised and lamented her. But it did change, and we have had some arguments and she has gotten crude and downright mean to be, but for the most part, I can tell she's very, very remorseful about what she did.
> 
> I have thought about taking her back, but then I think about the lying and the pictures. And I just can't do it. There's something in me that won't let me I guess. I just wish it never had happened. I wish it were an emotional affair or ONS or something. Maybe then I could have reconciled. But I can't. And I won't. And I'm sad about it. But life goes on and I'm a better man and father because of this. So like my grandpa used to say "Shave that dog at teach it to hunt. Chin up cowboy, saddle in, you got things to do".


Flood is his own boss. He comes here to share his feelings. Now he is asking advice. The fact that he handled everthing so well at the beginning ought earn him some creditability.

The divorce itself is a key move by Flood. She is no longer his wayward wife; she is his ex who cheated. There are deep and difficult questions for Flood:

1) How will a new relationship with his ex affect their son?
They are interacting and he is young, so probably the only real negative would be a failed reconciliation, leading to hostility.

2) Flood is plan B
No support for this. She is the plan B now if any one is.

3) Mind movies/trickle truth
Does Flood have unresolved questions? Probably. Are they deal breakers?

4) He loves her
Counts for a lot

5) She loves him versus she wants something else
It is possible that she merely wants to have the cheating stamp erased thought Flood's forgiveness. But that doesn't jive with the exposure day portrait.


----------



## Another Planet

LOL way to perfect, you've been had!
It's like a frkn romance novel.


----------



## 86857

> Is it odd that I feel better than I have in weeks?


YES! 

What I see in the subtext of your post is that you are entertaining the notion of getting back with her and not just a date. Your describe her as an awesome woman & your excitement is palpable.

Why not go through the fire sooner rather than later. It's the only way to get to the other side of all this. At the beginning of the date ask her whether she wants to get back with you. 
If she says 'yes' I would ask her to explain herself. 
If she says 'no' I'm not at all sure you will be happy to share this 'awesome' woman. 
In that case proceed at your own peril. 

Good luck with it & mind that heart of yours.


----------



## illwill

I wonder how much of this is related to the holidays. My first x-mas after my divorce was pretty emotional. My wife kept fishing, but luckily i was already involved with my current girl.
Thinking about what use to be around the holidays can play with your heart and head. Maybe you should wait until after the holidays and see if you two still want to try.


----------



## soccermom2three

illwill said:


> I wonder how much of this is related to the holidays. My first x-mas after my divorce was pretty emotional. My wife kept fishing, but luckily i was already involved with my current girl.
> Thinking about what use to be around the holidays can play with your heart and head. Maybe you should wait until after the holidays and see if you two still want to try.


THIS is a great post!


----------



## LostViking

Man that weed I smoked last month must be hanging with me because I totally got messed up on my threads. Someone take a 2x4 and swat me good. 

I recant my recant. Flood....bang her brains out and don't worry about R. If she's sincere your gut will tell you so. Take your own pics. Grab the video camera and make your own movie. Then watch it repeatedly. After a while those images will replace the ones of her and the OM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

LostViking said:


> Man that weed I smoked last month must be hanging with me because I totally got messed up on my threads. Someone take a 2x4 and swat me good.
> 
> I recant my recant. Flood....bang her brains out and don't worry about R. If she's sincere your gut will tell you so. Take your own pics. Grab the video camera and make your own movie. Then watch it repeatedly. After a while those images will replace the ones of her and the OM.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:scratchhead::rofl:
I recant the recant you recanted.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

LostViking said:


> Man that weed I smoked last month must be hanging with me because I totally got messed up on my threads. Someone take a 2x4 and swat me good.
> 
> I recant my recant. Flood....bang her brains out and don't worry about R. If she's sincere your gut will tell you so. Take your own pics. Grab the video camera and make your own movie. Then watch it repeatedly. After a while those images will replace the ones of her and the OM.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know, maybe it will be therapeutic for him. I had the chance to go back and read parts of his other threads and I think HE should reread his reaction to what she did if he hasn't already. Maybe he can feel like he is reclaiming her by giving her the best pounding of her life ... but to be blunt, they already had a fantastic sex life before she decided to get pounded by another guy and suck him off ON VIDEO. I wonder if it is a case of her wanting what she can't have and personally I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.


----------



## TheFlood117

Lots of great advice and dynamic perspectives. That's why TAM is so good. 

I guess in a way it would complicate things if we had sex, but I'm not sure it really would. I think that maybe if I bang her out again maybe I can start to move on a bit. 

Now I could really be cold and have her feed me and then be like "thanks but I gotta jet". 

Now that would tick her off, lol. 

Many have wondered if having sex with her would trigger me or give me mind movies. I don't really know, I don't think it would. But maybe it would. 

As far as some have said about her wanting to get pregnant.

She does not want to have anymore kids. We decided that a few years ago. She wanted our son to be the only child so we could spoil him rotten and give him everything lol. But I think that she just really feels that one is enough. I'm pretty sure she feels that way still. 

But.... I guess there's always a possibility. So maybe I'll just pull out. 

I am not reconciling with her. This will just be a wine and dine Mr. Flood, then I get to have fun with her. Or not. 

Bottom line is this goes the way I want it to happen. 

I will not bang her, then be like. "Oh my God, I am so in love with her. I'm ready to take her back right away. Lets go to counselling or some crap". 

Nope. I'm just gonna eat and MAYBE screw her. 

I could just let her give me a bj or two. Or three.... 4. No. Maybe 5. Yeah 5 sounds about right. Then maybe I'll make her buy me a new car. Shelby Mustang. No, no maybe a corvette. Yeah a Red Corvette. 

Then we'd be just about square. 


Seriously tho. If she even wants a chance at seeing me on any level romantically she has a lot to prove. 


She will do ALL of the heavy lifting. But like I said, I'm a single guy just playing the field. She's one of many on the docket.


----------



## barcafan

Dude.....tear that ass up. Please.


----------



## illwill

Ill be more blunt. You dont know left from right. You say you do not want to reconcile then, you say she has a lot to prove if she wants to see you romantically. It cannot be both. You have no idea how this will effect you. 
And if you are doing this for revenge, do not do it. The damage to her may end up confusing and hurting your child.
After seeing her blow a guy on video why the he!! do you even want to touch her? Id lose my lunch just looking at her. All of this drama for something you could get from any woman.
Move on.


----------



## TheFlood117

illwill said:


> Ill be more blunt. You dont know left from right. You say you do not want to reconcile then, you say she has a lot to prove if she wants to see you romantically. It cannot be both. You have no idea how this will effect you.
> And if you are doing this for revenge, do not do it. The damage to her may end up confusing and hurting your child.
> After seeing her blow a guy on video why the he!! do you even want to touch her? Id lose my lunch just looking at her. All of this drama for something you could get from any woman.
> Move on.


I'm not doing it for revenge. I'm doing it for fun. Plus, 5 star restaurant bro!!!

I mean, come on now. For some poor fire fighter and single dad. I don't get to eat at 5 star restaurants all the time. 

You gotta take those opportunities when they come.

And I didn't see vids. They were pics. 

And thanks for the reminder lol. 

Yeah. It was pretty sh!tty. 

Like I said. I'm getting wine and dined incredibly well. Then if I deem it to my liking, I'll hit dat booty for dayzzzzzz. 

It's not gonna hurt our son in any way or fashion. My ex wife is not vindictive to me. She wasn't when I exposed. She wasn't when I filed. And she wasn't when we divorced. She had a moment here and there, but it really wasn't anything that bad. I said things. She said things. It happens. 

Her affair is all on her. Hence why I acted in the decisive manner I did. 

My ex and I don't hate each other. The divorce for both of us was difficult because we missed each other so much. Not because it was a hard divorce or nasty break up. The emotions are still hot, that much I'll say. And with emotions like we have for each other, I guess things could go wrong. 

But, like what? 

Really, is she gonna false reconcile with me? No.

Is she gonna break her vows? No. 

Is she gonna take my kid away from me? No. 

Get half my stuff? Nope

How bout my penchant? Nope.

What about the house? Oh damn. Nope. I got that too. 

See where I'm going with this. 

It's literally all on her. The expectations and stress are her's and her's alone. 

I'm all good. Bang her, not bang her. Be friends, don't be friends. Love me. Hate me. Don't really care. 

But.... I do want my 5 star meal. That I do want!!!


----------



## illwill

Sounds like you got it all figured out. Good luck.


----------



## jack.c

Then eat at the 5 star, get her horny and then drop her off at the om house and say thanks for the company....... LOL!


----------



## 86857

So you're a fire fighter The Flood. 

Sheesh, you guys are always so drop dead gorgeous so I'm guessing you have no shortage of company. 

What I am getting at is that a close friend of mine is a firefighter too. You have to be very strong psychologically, he has had to cut children out of car accidents and they didn't always survive. People forget that side of the work of firefighters.

So maybe that explains why you were so decisive about D - I will definitely read your thread. 

All I can say is that whatever you and ex-WS have going on, you are doing it well for your child with the reasonable divorce and seemingly amicable parting in the end. 

From your last post I think you are strong enough to get through any eventuality. 

Enjoy your five star dinner!


----------



## happyman64

Flood

You do what makes you happy.

Keep your head up. Enjoy the time together.

Just do not knock her up. We have seen that happen before.

And if your Ex is remorseful and still hot for you???

Then enjoy the dessert. 

HM


----------



## davecarter

The Flood: you said your ex-missus is 'very attractive and sexy'...I'd say you were more than just a little bit 'c*nt-struck' with her!

Hvaing said that, it's your call:
a) take her out, wine and dine and then 'smash-her-back-doors-in'
or
b) Bobby Peru-style, slowly get your ex-wife all wound-up, and horny, get her to beg / whisper _'f*ukc me' _but follow it up with: _"Some day honey, I will! But right now I gotta get goin"!_

And then leave.


----------



## LongWalk

Purely out of curiosity, please ask her who she was going to bring in to the threesome? Not that you are requesting it, just wonder how she was thinking. The human mind is so speedy sometimes and other times it cannot perform basic functions.


----------



## Aerith

LongWalk said:


> Flood,
> 
> Do what you want.
> 
> You squashed the affair. Got remorse. She humbled herself. The divorce put her in bad mood just before it became final but for the most part she has been eager to please.
> 
> You wrote that she is good person who made bad choices. Even after divorce she is still trying: she's an energetic person. She was going to give you a threesome to compensate for her infidelity. Not every BS gets that offer.


How threesome can compensate infidelity? :scratchhead:

She is playing her game and after something - maybe pregnancy/ maybe she wants to use sex to win OP back...

She is too determined and it's suspicious...


----------



## kristin2349

Aerith said:


> How threesome can compensate infidelity? :scratchhead:
> 
> She is playing her game and after something - maybe pregnancy/ maybe she wants to use sex to win OP back...
> 
> She is too determined and it's suspicious...


I agree, and Flood you are old enough to do what you want. But please read a basic pamphlet on birth control "pulling out" is not birth control, not to mention unsafe. Your ex clearly has been around and been exposed to whatever diseases the low life's she slept with had. 

That thought alone would make me lose my appetite, no meal would begin to make up for that.


----------



## LongWalk

Aerith said:


> How threesome can compensate infidelity? :scratchhead:
> 
> She is playing her game and after something - maybe pregnancy/ maybe she wants to use sex to win OP back...
> 
> She is too determined and it's suspicious...


Did you read his exposure day thread? I posted a quote out of it a a page or so back. A threesome would not compensate for infidelity. Flood found her proposal assinine. So, my post is just a bit of bad humor.

Do you think she doesn't love him and is just trying to save face?

Trying to win OP back is certain. She has never hidden that. Can a WW want her husband back for real? There is a general theory that women are less likely to engage in casual affair sex. Sex with another man leads to the ILYBIMNILWY state, i.e., the death of romantic attraction.

As a man I think it is easy to imagine cheating not being an definitive emotional rejection of a wife/partner. A man could cheat with a woman that he did not love or respect but merely wanted for sex while WW seem to often have fallen out of love with their husbands and the affair accelerates the destruction of romantic feelings.


----------



## aug

TheFlood117 said:


> I mean, come on now. For some poor *fire fighter* and single dad. I don't get to eat at 5 star restaurants all the time.



That explains "TheFlood".

I think if you understand basically that you're not anything special no matter what she says or is trying to do now. She had shown you this commonality when she was able to screw other men while still married to you.

The reason, I think, she was okay with the breakup of marriage and divorce is that she did not and does not value the marriage relationship or you above everything else. 

She may have the view she can land anyone she wants. Even you.


----------



## BrockLanders

Hit it and quit it, son.


----------



## Noble1

Sounds like karma is rewarding you.

You handled thing really well given the TAM population.

Make sure there is no "setup" at all on the ex's side.

Have fun.


----------



## husbandfool

Prepare for the new round of drama in your life!


----------



## LostViking

Where is he? 

They must still be in bed.


----------



## davecarter

LostViking said:


> Where is he?
> 
> They must still be in bed.


Yep...STILL in bed by the look of things.
Must be some great sex going on...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheFlood117

Hey all, the dinner went well. There was some drama I suppose and some emotions, but nothing to crazy. We met, we ate, we f*cked, then we banged some more. Then got into a fight, then f*cked some more. I stayed over at her place. Woke up and banged some more. And then she tried to reel me in a bit, lulz. 

But nah, don't work for this guy. I told her I had a great time but this is not a relationship nor is this reconciling and I'm not exclusively seeing her. And I said there should be no expectation of that from me or her as well. She said, she doesn't want other men. Only me. I told her, well I'm still playing the field and looking. She got a little upset, but I gave her another big O and she felt better, lol. She said she will wait for me and she told me she will "get me back and our family will be together again". She told me she knows this will take a long time. And she isn't trying to manipulate or mess with my head, she just wanted to tell the truth. I was like, "Amazing how many shades a leopard can be. But you can't really change your spots". She cried a little, and said it was all her fault and the affair had nothing to do with me. She told me she is seeing therapy and all the jazz. Again, time will tell. 

I told her, "Wow, where was this positive attitude and willingness during your affair? Do what you gotta do I guess". 

Then I Left. 

I'd say it went pretty well. 

It felt GOOD. I might do it some more.


----------



## MyTurn

OP,
let me say you where ....wait for it ....legendery!!!!


----------



## TheFlood117

MyTurn said:


> OP,
> let me say you where ....wait for it ....legendery!!!!



Ha, nah bro. Legendary??? Nah homeslice. I'm operating on Mythic difficulty...... 

I've got a running riot going on right now. And it might just turn into an unfrigginbelieveable soon. 

This thread just nerdgasmd.... Hard. Hard.


----------



## davecarter

TheFlood117 said:


> Hey all, the dinner went well. There was some drama I suppose and some emotions, but nothing to crazy. We met, we ate, we f*cked, then we banged some more. Then got into a fight, then f*cked some more. I stayed over at her place. Woke up and banged some more. And then she tried to reel me in a bit, lulz.
> 
> But nah, don't work for this guy. I told her I had a great time but this is not a relationship nor is this reconciling and I'm not exclusively seeing her. And I said there should be no expectation of that from me or her as well. She said, she doesn't want other men. Only me. I told her, well I'm still playing the field and looking. She got a little upset, but I gave her another big O and she felt better, lol. She said she will wait for me and she told me she will "get me back and our family will be together again". She told me she knows this will take a long time. And she isn't trying to manipulate or mess with my head, she just wanted to tell the truth. I was like, "Amazing how many shades a leopard can be. But you can't really change your spots". She cried a little, and said it was all her fault and the affair had nothing to do with me. She told me she is seeing therapy and all the jazz. Again, time will tell.
> 
> I told her, "Wow, where was this positive attitude and willingness during your affair? Do what you gotta do I guess".
> 
> Then I Left.
> 
> I'd say it went pretty well.
> 
> It felt GOOD. I might do it some more.


Awesome.

But I lost count how many orgasms you gave her...


----------



## TheFlood117

davecarter said:


> Awesome.
> 
> But I lost count how many orgasms you gave her...



Lots. Poor little thing, she didn't know which way was up. Said she was seeing stars. It's what I do. We broke her table. No joke. I have to get her a new one. It was old anyway's she had from when she was in college. That things taken a beating over the last 10 years or so... It was a great and LOYAL table. 

I told her this. I laughed. She kinda did, lulz.


----------



## illwill

Little too much info.


----------



## LongWalk

Flood,

We have all enjoyed the way you busted the affair and taught your ex WW a hard lesson. You know that you can hook up with other women. You know that your wife is remorseful. Moreover, her self esteem is not good. If you feel a need to hold emotional power over her when she is in this condition, you are being sadistic. 

She hurt you bad, yes. You proved that you could theoretically and practically go on without her. Legally you have everything in place to cut the relationship forever

By cheating she was not 100% into your marriage. By treating her casually now you are not 100% into a relationship with her. Do you want to be 100% in?

Don't use sex as a weapon to mess with her head. 

The story about the table shows your sentimental side. If you buy her a new table, one that is more durable, maybe you should recognize that it is a table to put stuff on. Such as an honest discussion about getting her to a better place in life. Maybe with you, maybe without you.


----------



## TheFlood117

Sadistic??? Come on now. Not at all. 

And plus, so what if I am using her up a bit. 

Big deal. We're both adults. No one's holding a gun to her head, least of all me. 

SHE ASKED me out. Not the other way around. 

I could have used her body all through the divorce. Or better yet, I could have f*cked her Best friend and cousin. 

But I didn't. I could have- and many would, fight for full custody of are child. But again, I didn't. 

Her hang ups are her own. I'm good. Either way.

I feel better and less conflicted about her now. I still feel love tho. 

And I guess that's a problem. Cause love is blinding. 

So I guess, there's still that.


----------



## LongWalk

I don't think you are using her. You are engaging her in a relationship in which you are unequal. Nothing wrong with this. In many relationships one part is more in love than the other, once the euphoria of infatuation subsides. You correctly note that she has chosen to be in this position now.

IMO you will get more out of this partial reconciliation if you are honest and say to her:

1) You still love her (but she knows this to some degree);
2) You do not fully trust her;
3) You are still (or no longer) angry with her;
4) You want her to be in a healthy relationship between equals because you care about her as person.
5) You want her to be in a good place because she is mother to your son;
6) There is hope for a relationship but you need time;
7) You want her to get her shxt together. You cannot do that for her, but you can certainly tell how she is doing.


----------



## TheFlood117

LongWalk said:


> I don't think you are using her. You are engaging her in a relationship in which you are unequal. Nothing wrong with this. In many relationships one part is more in love than the other, once the euphoria of infatuation subsides. You correctly note that she has chosen to be in this position now.
> 
> IMO you will get more out of this partial reconciliation if you are honest and say to her:
> 
> 1) You still love her (but she knows this to some degree);
> 2) You do not fully trust her;
> 3) You are still (or no longer) angry with her;
> 4) You want her to be in a healthy relationship between equals because you care about her as person.
> 5) You want her to be in a good place because she is mother to your son;
> 6) There is hope for a relationship but you need time;
> 7) You want her to get her shxt together. You cannot do that for her, but you can certainly tell how she is doing.


Food for thought. I'll take it under advisement. Thanks for your input. It's a different perspective than mine, and that's a good thing. Cause I know I'm a bit fvcked up right now and still not in a good head space. Thank you.


----------



## happyman64

Flood

This says it all.

Time will tell.....

And I totally agree.

She might have decided that she wants to be a grown up. Stranger things have happened Flood.

And a Leopard might not change its spots. But you skinned this cat. She is exposed.

Now she really has to do the hard work.

The key is to let her.

Stand back. Observe. Remind her every once in a while of what she lost. Best friend. Lover. Husband. Father. Man.

She will either do the hard work or she won't. Who knows you might actually want the woman she can become.

The choice is always.

Yours.

HM
Ps
Glad you broke the table. Awesome.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

TheFlood117 said:


> "she told me she will "get me back"


Remember this part.

If you keep screwing with her (no pun intended), THEN you two do manage to get back together some where down the road, she's going to remember this...

You can lead her on all you want now (and I can't tell you that I wouldn't be doing the same thing) - But if you start getting that feeling... The felling that you two could be together again - I think she'll have built up resentment due to this and well, you already know what can happen.

That said, I do have to also say, as a former BS I smiled while reading your account of how she is now pining for you.


----------



## dymo

TheFlood117 said:


> She said, she doesn't want other men. Only me.


Now where was that line of thinking when she was married?


----------



## Foghorn

TheFlood117 said:


> I feel better and less conflicted about her now. I still feel love tho.
> 
> And I guess that's a problem. Cause love is blinding.
> 
> So I guess, there's still that.


Uh, yeah. You're more conflicted, not less conflicted, from the sound of it. 

Why bother with her? So many women out there, so many nice people to have relationships with, so many hot girls to have "fun" with.... why are you wading back into this? 

Stop. Seek greener pastures. No good will come of it.


----------



## LostViking

Flood, has she ever come up with a solid reason why she had the affair? Has she put aside the blameshifting and transferrence and given you a simple explanation like, I dunno....she's wanted to let her slvt flag fly?


----------



## The Middleman

TheFlood117 said:


> Lots. Poor little thing, she didn't know which way was up. Said she was seeing stars. It's what I do. We broke her table. No joke. I have to get her a new one. It was old anyway's she had from when she was in college. That things taken a beating over the last 10 years or so... It was a great and LOYAL table.
> 
> I told her this. I laughed. She kinda did, lulz.


So what type of birth control did you use? As I told you before, there were guys here forced into reconciliations by their WWs having their BSs knock them up. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!


----------



## kristin2349

TheFlood117 said:


> Lots. Poor little thing, she didn't know which way was up. Said she was seeing stars. It's what I do. We broke her table. No joke. I have to get her a new one. It was old anyway's she had from when she was in college. That things taken a beating over the last 10 years or so... It was a great and LOYAL table.
> 
> I told her this. I laughed. She kinda did, lulz.



My money is on that table having seen plenty of action, you were just the last straw. So buy her an ottoman large enough to "bang" on in the future.


----------



## missthelove2013

let her buy you dinner...bang her like a cheap dime store gong...and send her on her way...

My divorce is in the initial phase, and it will be a little while before its over...but once it is, I plan on getting her tested for STD's (I have been and I am clean, doesnt mean she is) and then I plan on banging her like a cheap dime store gong...and then sending her on her way...


----------



## sinnister

Don't break your arm patting yourelf on the back.

I would bet money that bedding you is part of her scheme to rope you back in. And although you seem to be wise to her game, good loving has a way of blinding me to logic. I hope you're stronger.


----------



## husbandfool

Eeeeeewwwwuuuhhh!


----------



## CASE_Sensitive

Just wondering if any mind movies played a part during the date or evening sessions.


----------



## rubpy3

Yeah, same curiosity here.

Right now, the very thought of sex with stbxw is making my stomach sick. She is a little hottie and a great f*ck, but now just thinking about it is making my manhood shrink. No way I want to eat her out ever again, I don't know if I want to kiss her again know what she had done there.


----------



## LongWalk

Foghorn said:


> Uh, yeah. You're more conflicted, not less conflicted, from the sound of it.
> 
> Why bother with her? So many women out there, so many nice people to have relationships with, so many hot girls to have "fun" with.... why are you wading back into this?
> 
> Stop. Seek greener pastures. No good will come of it.


Flood still loves his ex wife and this is quiet some time after Dday. He followed through with D and has not been a doormat. He upped his sex ranking by bedding other women. She has been remorseful.

The man has a right to love his ex if so chooses. What is missing is her self respect. She needs to forgive herself and act like an adult.

Both she and Flood need to recognized that sex can be a very good part of reconciliation but it will not give a healthy relationship. They will have to discover that. 

Flood,

Listen to HappyMan. No need to treat your wife badly because other BS who are bitter want to kick their wives but cannot and want to you to do it through your wife.

GutPunch reconciled. His wife is a nice lady, I do believe. 

I suggest you invite your wife for dinner, maybe something home cooked. Afterwards you can break in the new table. 

When Hard_to_Detach had sex with his WW posters came down on him and he hasn't come back.


----------



## TheFlood117

Hey all, yeah I'm fine. And Longwalk, I agree with everything you said. I tried to detach physically and emotionally but I can't. And neither can she. This is a tough spot, but I will say this. I feel better about it than I have i months. I ask myself a lot "Am I doing using sex with her to get back at her"? 

And if I'm honest, I'd say on the surface, yes. I guess. I don't really know, I feel that I'm entitled to a few things from her and that I want her to be as hurt as me. I know that's bad, but that's where it is. It's funny cause after we bang, I hold her and I feel so good. Like I could just hold her for days. Then I gotta get back into reality and be reminded that she isn't mine anymore. It doesn't help that she cries all the time after. And that she's sad when I leave. I haven't cried in front of my ex, and I won't. But I've come close. It's all very, very emotional. 

It's tough. Really, really tough.


----------



## happyman64

You tried to detach. But you cannot. 

It is because you still love her. It is because sex with her feels like you are getting some of "yours" back. 

There is nothing wrong with that. As long as both understand what you are bOth doing 

HM
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## just got it 55

Originally Posted by TheFlood117 View Post 
She said, she doesn't want other men. Only me.

Flood well here you are. Now what is she? Your fvck toy?

The only way she is going to gain your respect is this

She tells you she will wait for you 

She remains celibate until then

She will not allow you to use her in the fashion

Good to have fun ….but you say you still love her.

OK so you love her It can’t go any other way but bad if you don’t work this out.

And remember she is your child’s mother


----------



## TheFlood117

just got it 55 said:


> Originally Posted by TheFlood117 View Post
> She said, she doesn't want other men. Only me.
> 
> Flood well here you are. Now what is she? Your fvck toy?
> 
> The only way she is going to gain your respect is this
> 
> She tells you she will wait for you
> 
> She remains celibate until then
> 
> She will not allow you to use her in the fashion
> 
> Good to have fun ….but you say you still love her.
> 
> OK so you love her It can’t go any other way but bad if you don’t work this out.
> 
> And remember she is your child’s mother


Yeah, but we kinda can't keep our hands and other extremites off each other. She's initiating it more than me. She's pursued me. She isn't seeing other men. She's to busy with work, our son and gettin' some on the side from me. I respect her, I do. I've said before she's a good person and great mom. Our son loves her so much. I respect her. I'm just gonna take what I want. And she's willing. I do have a date tonight so I'm gonna jet on off.


----------



## TOMTEFAR

TheFlood117 said:


> Yeah, but we kinda can't keep our hands and other extremites off each other. She's initiating it more than me. She's pursued me. She isn't seeing other men. She's to busy with work, our son and gettin' some on the side from me. I respect her, I do. I've said before she's a good person and great mom. Our son loves her so much. I respect her. I'm just gonna take what I want. And she's willing. I do have a date tonight so I'm gonna jet on off.


Is it a date with your wife or somebody else?


----------



## nogutsnoglory

TheFlood117 said:


> So, just like 10 minutes ago I got a call from her. It was pertaining to our kid and then she asked me out on a date, lol. Now, she has been trying to bang me for months. It started on D-day and it really hasn't stopped. Although the last few weeks leading up to a divorce- (that was finalized last week) she was going from angry super diva b!tch on wheels too, I can't live without you I need you type person. So... Yeah. Now I said, "on your dollar homeslice, I might consider it". And she said, "Well yeah, silly bear that's why I'm asking you". I said "where"? and she was like "anywhere you want" So I said a restaurant that is five star and famous. And she agreed.
> 
> Now, I'm not inclined to miss out on a 5 star meal. I mean for a lonely ole' civil servant that maybe pulls in 50 grand a year, this sounds pretty good. And plus, I think I just need to bang her out a bit. Really, I can't think of any reason not to do this. Divorce is done and done. Marriage is dissolved.
> 
> So.... Yeah, I think it's a great idea.
> 
> So TAM. Am I in the clear here. Or am I batsh!t nuts just like my ex, lol.
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> I know this opening doors for crazy stuff to happen. *But in all honesty, I do really, really miss her.*



Nope.
Once you get to the point you can treat her like a hooker and leave right after, then I say why not, but still this attached to a destructive person, nope. And you two are setting a horrible example


----------



## jack.c

nogutsnoglory said:


> [/B]
> Nope.
> Once you get to the point you can treat her like a hooker and leave right after, then I say why not, but still this attached to a destructive person, nope. And you two are setting a horrible example


I already knew it would end up like this the moment he exepted the 5 star....


----------



## LongWalk

Why treat her like a hooker? Besides even hookers are people. Why shxt on someone who is trying?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## TheFlood117

TOMTEFAR said:


> Is it a date with your wife or somebody else?


Yeah, some chick I met at the local university. 


nogutsnoglory said:


> [/B]
> Nope.
> Once you get to the point you can treat her like a hooker and leave right after, then I say why not, but still this attached to a destructive person, nope. And you two are setting a horrible example


Not really. To who? Are you talking about our kid? He's doing fine. This is about me and her. She's not that destructive, her affair was destructive. But she is not a destructive person. 



LongWalk said:


> Why treat her like a hooker? Besides even hookers are people. Why shxt on someone who is trying?
> 
> I'm not paying her. Nor am I sh!tting on her. She wants it. And I'm not all to concerned with her feelings right now, I'm doing my own thing.


----------



## TheFlood117

TheFlood117 said:


> No, some chick I met at the local university.
> 
> 
> Not really. To who? Are you talking about our kid? He's doing fine. This is about me and her. She's not that destructive, her affair was destructive. But she is not a destructive person.
> 
> 
> 
> LongWalk said:
> 
> 
> 
> Why treat her like a hooker? Besides even hookers are people. Why shxt on someone who is trying?
> 
> I'm not paying her. Nor am I sh!tting on her. She wants it. And I'm not all to concerned with her feelings right now, I'm doing my own thing.
Click to expand...


----------



## TheFlood117

Double post??? Dafuq? Sorry bout that. 


Since I'm artard and can't figure out the forum, I just clarify a few things. 

Date was not with my wife. Some chick I met at the local university. 

To people who equate my ex to a hooker. Please stop. That's the mother of my child. I don't appreciate that. She is not a hooker, and I'm not treating her like it. Also, we are not setting a "bad example" to our son. Unless, your the moral police, please STFU. 

Thanks.


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: She asked me out.*



TheFlood117 said:


> To people who equate my ex to a hooker. Please stop. That's the mother of my child. I don't appreciate that. She is not a hooker, and I'm not treating her like it. Also, we are not setting a "bad example" to our son. Unless, your the moral police, please STFU.
> 
> Thanks.


Double like!


----------



## manticore

I guess there is a first for everything, I already had my first disagreement with happyman, and now is with you Longwalk, I always read your posts carefully because are well elaborated and it seems like you put alot of thought in them, but in this particulary case, I disagree in how you are perceiving things

You see, I identify myself with "Flood" for some of the information he had released about his past, good in the field, used to have destructive bahaviour, at some point wanted to change himself and allowed himself to trust in a woman.



LongWalk said:


> Flood,
> We have all enjoyed the way you busted the affair and taught your ex WW a hard lesson. You know that you can hook up with other women. You know that your wife is remorseful. Moreover, her self esteem is not good. If you feel a need to hold emotional power over her when she is in this condition, you are being sadistic.


wrong, She still learning her lesson, for the lesson to be completed she have to do alot of heavy lifting to win "the Flood" back.

He is not being sadistic, I put myself in his situation and I will be acting the same way, he is not having sex with her to punish her, he is having sex with her because he likes sex with her, he is not degrading her or humiliating her, but he is letting her know that she is not the only one.

He wants her to be hurt as him, he wants her to understand what she sacrificed for sex with other man, how he was loyal, how being loyal was a choice not an abligation, how getting women is not a problem for him, but he did not do it because he was happy with his family and the bond he shared with his wife and how she sacrificed it for a Little thrill. So now she is not number one, she have to fight as any other women to have him.

I am sure that the flood himself don't know if he wants her wife back or not, he is probably constantly debating what he should do, but she is letting her have a fighting chance




LongWalk said:


> By cheating she was not 100% into your marriage. By treating her casually now you are not 100% into a relationship with her. Do you want to be 100% in?


He doesn't know, this woman helped him to put his life on track, give her a child and I am sure he never thought she would betray him, so he is out there with other women to empower himself, to enjoy, but also to find the answer if someone can make him happier that her.



LongWalk said:


> Don't use sex as a weapon to mess with her head.


is not a weapon because he has stated how things are from the beginning, in any case is his wife who is using sex a a weapon to have him back (but also is enjoying it), and flow is enjoying it and at the same time using it as a reminder of how good are they together and how she wasted it for a stupid OM (I am sure he put extra effort to make her O).




LongWalk said:


> The man has a right to love his ex if so chooses. What is missing is her self respect. She needs to forgive herself and act like an adult.


For god sake NO, the woman still need to loathe herself more and understand the fully extend of her actions.

she had in the home computer pictures of her having sex with other man, she needs to understand why she did this, why she keep the momento at home.

why even if as the Flood said, they had such a strong physically and emotionally connection, and she loved him, why she decided to risk it for a man who will not fill any of her needs better that her husband.




LongWalk said:


> Listen to HappyMan. No need to treat your wife badly because other BS who are bitter want to kick their wives but cannot and want to you to do it through your wife.


Agreed. but he is not treating her badly, he maybe is being bold and a Little insensitive, but this are part of the consequences she put in motion when she stepped out of the marriage.

he is not humilating her or degrading her, he is in the other hand showing her what she is missing for her foolish actions, but he is not completely closing the door, he is just letting her know things will not be easy, and she has competition, he also wants to know her wife true reactions (will she begin to date other men?, how commited is her?, how badly wants him back?).



LongWalk said:


> When Hard_to_Detach had sex with his WW posters came down on him and he hasn't come back.


I was one of those posters, and I would do it again, and I will if he came with the same circumstances.

you can not compare situatuions.

Hard_d's wife had previous EAs, possible PAs, she did not shown interest in hard_d until OM throw her under the buss, she was talking about reconcilation when one week prior slept with a bar tender, and now without consequences she was staying at home with the possibility of begining reconcilation without heavy lifting, WSs without consequences will fall in the same patterns again.

You can't compare Flood's and Hard_d's wives because background and reactions were totally different.



LongWalk said:


> Why treat her like a hooker? Besides even hookers are people. Why shxt on someone who is trying?


he is not doing this, in fact he is being really respectful, many other BS will be calling names to her WS all the time.

Flood feel free to correct me if I am wrong.


----------



## CASE_Sensitive

Flood, maybe you should open yourself up to the possibility of forgiving her. You still respect her as a mom, you still find solace in her arms, and I can't figure out at this point are you punishing her or more yourself. Maybe deep down you can forgive her and that might bring you inner peace down the road.


----------



## happyman64

Gang

Flood is recently divorced. He is feeling out his new "life".

I think Flood has all the time in the world to decide what to do and with who.

He is now comparing his Ex with other women and rightfully so.

Who knows.

In time he might decide his Ex is still the one he wants to be with.

It is a two way street and I wish him the best.

HM


----------



## kristin2349

I think sometimes the overall tone of Floods posts have a bit of "locker room" type vibe. So not always super respectful to the ex. I get that. 

The telling part is he feels protective enough of her to not want others to disrespect her. So the double standard is easy for me to understand. Some of the graphic description and overt objectification lead to most of us having a one dimensional view of the ex. Not her most flattering moments.


----------



## LongWalk

:iagree: with Kristin.

Manticore,

You make good points. I don't think you are wrong but you are looking at the situation from a different perpective. My read if I my try again:

Flood loves her. He hates her. She loves him anyway. Since exposure Flood has played everything right. He forced OM to eat the shxt sandwich of his life. He double checked his sex ranking and found it was fine. He got favorable terms in divorce. He maintained the healthy relationship between his ex and their son.

After doing so well Flood still loves her. Naturally he is considering reconciliation. So, if they are to reconcile, what sort of relationship should they build? I say one based on more respect than she showed their marriage.

He cannot treat her like a F buddy without hurting her feelings. So, he should wean himself from the desire to punish her. It's not going to improve her self esteem.


----------



## LostViking

As long as she is *willing*, and she understands there are no promises....

Bang her silly.

I'm sorry, but this woman destroyed her marriage and family for nothing more than a little strange d!ck. I have just about zero empathy for someone that stupid.


----------



## jim123

Flood,

You have stood up for yourself and your marriage. There is no shame if you end up back with your former wife.

Make it on your terms and get a prenup. You have done better than most BH's on TAM.

Make sure both you and your X go to IC for yourselves. If you do want to get together, go to MC first.

Good luck to you and do what is best for you.


----------



## happyman64

Manticore's post is sooooo long I cannot even remember when he had a disagreement with something I said.



Kristin

It is a locker room mentality. Flood is a fireman.

You do not get any more "locker room" than that.

Nothing wrong but it is how a group of guys relate with each other.


----------



## just got it 55

LongWalk said:


> :iagree: with Kristin.
> 
> Manticore,
> 
> You make good points. I don't think you are wrong but you are looking at the situation from a different perpective. My read if I my try again:
> 
> Flood loves her. He hates her. She loves him anyway. Since exposure Flood has played everything right. He forced OM to eat the shxt sandwich of his life. He double checked his sex ranking and found it was fine. He got favorable terms in divorce. He maintained the healthy relationship between his ex and their son.
> 
> After doing so well Flood still loves her. Naturally he is considering reconciliation. So, if they are to reconcile, what sort of relationship should they build? I say one based on more respect than she showed their marriage.
> 
> *He cannot treat her like a F buddy without hurting her feelings. So, he should wean himself from the desire to punish her. It's not going to improve her self esteem.*




Exactly and we all agree that is her problem to begin with

See my point Flood ?


----------



## kristin2349

happyman64 said:


> Manticore's post is sooooo long I cannot even remember when he had a disagreement with something I said.
> 
> 
> 
> Kristin
> 
> It is a locker room mentality. Flood is a fireman.
> 
> You do not get any more "locker room" than that.
> 
> Nothing wrong but it is how a group of guys relate with each other.


Yes I got that Happyman, I've got no issues with it. But Flood did seem to get upset at the level of trash talk about his EX

I've got a very high tolerance for "locker room" I manage and have been on tour with dirty raunchy rock musicians. 

What I got from flood snapping to STFU was that he felt protective.

I only pull that when I really care about someone...I can't call them every name under the sun...you better not try!

Carry on boys!


----------



## LongWalk

Kristin,

Do you think Floods wife loves him? Will she be faithful now? Can she become a more grounded person?


----------



## kristin2349

LongWalk said:


> Kristin,
> 
> Do you think Floods wife loves him? Will she be faithful now? Can she become a more grounded person?


Nothing like putting me on the spot!

Honestly I think it's still really foggy for both of them. Sometimes hot chemistry overrides good judgement. 

I would want to know more about what really led her to cheat and keep the evidence to boot. It would be bothersome to me probably too much to ever recover from. I'm of the fooled me once school of thinking though. And the more clouded I feel by chemistry the less I trust my judgement.

So I'm sure she loves him on many levels. But I'm not sure she's cut out for fidelity. I think once a gets past Adultery and all it involves, it might be her fallback if not dealt with and changed. That takes growth and time and lots of personal work. Not sure if she's done enough of that. It's too soon.

How do you trust real growth and change of a person who showed you in the ultimate way they are not to be trusted? Just my .02.

I wish them the best though, especially since they have a child.


----------



## happyman64

> How do you trust real growth and change of a person who showed you in the ultimate way they are not to be trusted?


How does a wayward ever become a good person, a loyal boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse then?

IMO I do think a wayward can become a loyal, faithful spouse.

But it takes time.
It takes trust.
It takes respect from both parties.

And most importantly it takes a leap of faith from the battered spouse.

Not all are capable of taking this leap. Some feel the wayward can never be trusted.

That would be like saying none of us are capable of learning from our bad decisions.

But that is just my opinion.

HM


----------



## sidney2718

kristin2349 said:


> Nothing like putting me on the spot!
> 
> Honestly I think it's still really foggy for both of them. Sometimes hot chemistry overrides good judgement.
> 
> I would want to know more about what really led her to cheat and keep the evidence to boot. It would be bothersome to me probably too much to ever recover from. I'm of the fooled me once school of thinking though. And the more clouded I feel by chemistry the less I trust my judgement.


Keeping the evidence is important to me. I think that subconsciously she wanted to have her affairs ended by a man who cared. Given her low self-esteem, this fits what we know of her personality.



> So I'm sure she loves him on many levels. But I'm not sure she's cut out for fidelity. I think once a gets past Adultery and all it involves, it might be her fallback if not dealt with and changed. That takes growth and time and lots of personal work. Not sure if she's done enough of that. It's too soon.


That, in fact, is the major problem in most marriages that get to this point. Nobody knows the answer and nobody can know. At some point they may just have to trust each other. And that's going to be hard.



> How do you trust real growth and change of a person who showed you in the ultimate way they are not to be trusted? Just my .02.
> I wish them the best though, especially since they have a child.


It has to be worked at. I do think that her willingness to cut off all her past activities is evidence as to how she thinks NOW. I also think that she understands that Flood isn't ready to take her back yet, if ever. The hypersexual period they seem to be going through means to me that she seriously thinks of him as father material, which is as good as I as a man thinks it can get. Flood's reciprocating could be punishment (here's what you are losing) or, as I suspect, he still has strong feelings for her. His objection to folks calling her names makes me think it is the latter.

So I have hope for this. It would be a nice Christmas present if it works out!


----------



## LostViking

It won't work out. 

If the xWW is as beautiful and attractive as Flood says she is, then she is always going to have a parade of men queuing up wanting to bed her. Flood is afraid (and rightfully so I think) that he will be spending the rest of his life looking over her shoulder, wondering when the next stud comes along to catch his xWW's eye and when she will again go weak and allow her boundaries to fall. 

If what Flood tells us is true, and he is indeed a macho stud player who has no problem landing both single and married women, and did so many times before his marriage, why should he feel he needs to take the risk of laying on the line for a woman who has demonstrated to him that she has no problem tossing him aside for another stud like himself? 

Flood is looking at the stakes and he sees that his wife is a poor bet. Yes he loves her... Yes he is still sexually attracted to her.... But many men are, and he and she damn well know it. 

I think she understands now, too late, that she had a great thing going with Flood, but her vanity and lust for validation from another man overpowered that love. She knows deep down she is a weak, vain woman, and a poor gamble for any man who seeks a LTR. 

In a lot of ways she reminds me of Tears. Go re-read Tears' thread in the Private Members section. It took Tears months and months of working hard on herself through IC and attempting true R with her BH, exploring all the reasons and motives she would have had to cheat on her loving husband and throw away a beautiful marriage. In the end it came down to simply her being bored during a lull in their relationship, not feeling wanted by her husband at the time (which she learned later was a fabrication of her own insecurities), and, ultimately, wanting an exciting little break from married life and motherhood. 

Dumb. Tragic and dumb.


----------



## TheFlood117

Thanks Viking for all your advice and comments. And basically that's where I am. With the exception of of a "new stud" taking her away. OM is not a stud at all. Average dude. I was reading a post by someone about why women cheat on a guy like me, and I think my wife cheated with a guy who was an emotional crutch for her- it was an emotional affair first. She say's that I was distant and "emotionally vacant" and to "controlling". She also had built up jealousy and the belief that I had an affair- I didn't, but I'm sure in her blameshifting brain I did.

You know, same sh!t different day. Thanks for all the support.


----------



## Nucking Futs

TheFlood117 said:


> Thanks Viking for all your advice and comments. And basically that's where I am. With the exception of of a "new stud" taking her away. OM is not a stud at all. Average dude. I was reading a post by someone about why women cheat on a guy like me, and I think my wife cheated with a guy who was an emotional crutch for her- it was an emotional affair first. *She say's that I was distant and "emotionally vacant" and to "controlling". *She also had built up jealousy and the belief that I had an affair- I didn't, but I'm sure in her blameshifting brain I did.
> 
> You know, same sh!t different day. Thanks for all the support.


Is she still saying this?


----------



## Sandfly

Good Morning OP!

I noticed that while the guys who post in this thread are vacillating between 'great news go for it' and 'don't do it', the three women who have posted unanimously see it as a trick.

When it comes to 'what is she thinking' please remember that women have more insight than we do, which you can trust, providing they have no stake in the outcome.

If a woman finds her initial advice ignored, then she will adjust her advice, because well, you didn't seem to want the truth. I wish they wouldn't do that, but it happens.

However clever a fella is about relationships, pay more attention to an uninvolved woman's warnings. You don't have to act on them, but you should at least follow them up a little instead of discounting them.

The message you are sending is not 'I'm in control'. Even if reconciliation were an option, I didn't see any conditions or boundaries being set before you shagged her. She didn't have to do any serious lifting to win you back. How is your ex supposed to learn that you are not to be taken for granted?

Here is a horrible thing to say, but think about this: you were tempted by someone paying a meal for you in exchange for sex. What would you call a woman who does this?

You probably feel angry at me now, but what you want to hear is not always the best advice.


----------



## TheFlood117

I'm not reconciling with her. 

SandFly, don't know if you've read my story. But, yeah her affair had major consequences, but in short I'll sum them up. 

-I exposed, filed for Divorced, had her served d-papers at work in front of colleagues and POS OM, kicked her out, took kid. All in on day. 

-in the weeks after I completly moved on and began hooking up with other women basically daily when I didn't have my son-I would never keep our son from his mother, I've explained this in great detail. 

-My wife tried having sex with me and begging, literally got on her knees and pleaded to let me give her another chance-this would happen most times I'd see her. I just laughed in her face, and told her. "if it doesn't involve are son, I have nothing to say to you". I was incredibly cold to her. It got to the point where I started having other people with me-like my dad or her dad or mom when I'd exchange my son. 

-like all WW who betray a man like me the drama ramped up. she went from the "I'm so depressed I might kill myself", to "it was all my fault, I"m so sorry", to "I love you", then to "I hate you". Then to "I luv you". Then she tried to outplay me. Not gonna happen. Most can't keep up, least of all her. So she became really depressed. All the while, I just ignored her and moved on. Lots of acting on my part, because really, it was killing me. But I know I had to be decisive and make the tough choices. She basically created her own hell so to speak, I just let her experience it. I never did anything to her directly or purposely, she just became a sort of after thought. 

So her affair in just about 2 hours resulted in this: Lost of marriage, humiliation, lost of full time parental rights, loss of marital home, losing friends and shame from her family and close friends. 

That's just day 1. She would later quit her job, move in with mommy and daddy, see her son and fathers relationship blossom without her, then (and I think this is probably the biggest blow to her ego) saw her husband going with other women, most that were younger. Plus all the emotional stuff. 

This hasn't been easy on her, I know this. I only went out with her AFTER I got everything I want. But I could see where it would appear that she's playing games. But she already lost.

Plus, she's just one of many right now. Although, I have agreed on one thing. later this week we are going to go to family and couples counselling. That should be interesting. 

Like I said, I will not marry her again. And she has to do basically all the heavy lifting. But I still love her. Haven't told her, but I do.


----------



## MyTurn

Flood,
you are doing great.You set the rules .You have all the time you want to do what,s good for you. Its your time to heal ,have fun, date, whatever makes you happy.Once you're ready you will find someone to respect - love you and more important trust her.Who's that going to be ,who knows? Maby your ex ? maby a new girl? Time will tell.Just keep doing what you are doing and everything will fall in place.


----------



## TheFlood117

MyTurn said:


> Flood,
> you are doing great.You set the rules .You have all the time you want to do what,s good for you. Its your time to heal ,have fun, date, whatever makes you happy.Once you're ready you will find someone to respect - love you and more important trust her.Who's that going to be ,who knows? Maby your ex ? maby a new girl? Time will tell.Just keep doing what you are doing and everything will fall in place.



Thanks man. I don't regret anything, like you said it was about doing what's best for me. I only regret one thing I did say to her, it was really, really cruel. But... She kinda deserved it. kinda.


----------



## dogman

TheFlood117 said:


> I'm not reconciling with her.
> 
> SandFly, don't know if you've read my story. But, yeah her affair had major consequences, but in short I'll sum them up.
> 
> -I exposed, filed for Divorced, had her served d-papers at work in front of colleagues and POS OM, kicked her out, took kid. All in on day.
> 
> -in the weeks after I completly moved on and began hooking up with other women basically daily when I didn't have my son-I would never keep our son from his mother, I've explained this in great detail.
> 
> -My wife tried having sex with me and begging, literally got on her knees and pleaded to let me give her another chance-this would happen most times I'd see her. I just laughed in her face, and told her. "if it doesn't involve are son, I have nothing to say to you". I was incredibly cold to her. It got to the point where I started having other people with me-like my dad or her dad or mom when I'd exchange my son.
> 
> -like all WW who betray a man like me the drama ramped up. she went from the "I'm so depressed I might kill myself", to "it was all my fault, I"m so sorry", to "I love you", then to "I hate you". Then to "I luv you". Then she tried to outplay me. Not gonna happen. Most can't keep up, least of all her. So she became really depressed. All the while, I just ignored her and moved on. Lots of acting on my part, because really, it was killing me. But I know I had to be decisive and make the tough choices. She basically created her own hell so to speak, I just let her experience it. I never did anything to her directly or purposely, she just became a sort of after thought.
> 
> So her affair in just about 2 hours resulted in this: Lost of marriage, humiliation, lost of full time parental rights, loss of marital home, losing friends and shame from her family and close friends.
> 
> That's just day 1. She would later quit her job, move in with mommy and daddy, see her son and fathers relationship blossom without her, then (and I think this is probably the biggest blow to her ego) saw her husband going with other women, most that were younger. Plus all the emotional stuff.
> 
> This hasn't been easy on her, I know this. I only went out with her AFTER I got everything I want. But I could see where it would appear that she's playing games. But she already lost.
> 
> Plus, she's just one of many right now. Although, I have agreed on one thing. later this week we are going to go to family and couples counselling. That should be interesting.
> 
> Like I said, I will not marry her again. And she has to do basically all the heavy lifting. But I still love her. Haven't told her, but I do.


You're an interesting dude.
It all sounds exhausting. Take care of you own soul my friend...some things we do will burn holes in it.


----------



## TheFlood117

dogman said:


> You're an interesting dude.
> It all sounds exhausting. Take care of you own soul my friend...some things we do will burn holes in it.


I hear ya. Thanks. I'll be alright. I love her, this is hard but everything in life worth keeping requires hard work. Thanks for your support.


----------



## happyman64

dogman said:


> You're an interesting dude.
> It all sounds exhausting. Take care of you own soul my friend...some things we do will burn holes in it.


Dogman

I think Flood is up to the challenge if he sees the end results as "worth it".

As for burning holes in it I think being a fire "man" he knows how to control this fire.

Glad you are doing the counseling Flood.

Keep being you....

HM


----------



## Thorburn

Flood, how is your family and hers treating her now? My wife lost quite a bit. One of her older brothers has not talked to her for a long time. Her oldest brother who had not talked to her in over a year did reply to her email and they have chatted online about mundane things. He and my wife use to talk for hours on the phone every week and he just got fed up with her due to her affairs. He was a great support until I had it out with a pastor he recommended who basically took my wife's side and believed her lies. So my wife lost a lot.


----------



## LongWalk

You're doing a good job. You've been posting on other threads, advising betrayed spouses on how deal with cheaters. Is that helping you to deal with your own remaining questions?

Going to couple's therapy is a good idea.

Even if you risk dating your ex because you love her, you don't have to re-marry. You can keep her on her toes. If you were to live together, would you allow her to call you her husband without having re-tied the knot?

I don't see what you can get out of re-marrying her, unless it some how feels right. But why rush.

Why isn't she working?


----------



## TheFlood117

Thorburn said:


> Flood, how is your family and hers treating her now? My wife lost quite a bit. One of her older brothers has not talked to her for a long time. Her oldest brother who had not talked to her in over a year did reply to her email and they have chatted online about mundane things. He and my wife use to talk for hours on the phone every week and he just got fed up with her due to her affairs. He was a great support until I had it out with a pastor he recommended who basically took my wife's side and believed her lies. So my wife lost a lot.


My wife is the oldest of three sisters. They were all shocked and in my corner. They thought she was the dumbest woman on Earth to cheat on me. Her father was deeply dissapointed and I guess he yelled at her pretty harshly when he found out- but they're close so his disgust and anger wasn't permanent her mother was sad but she is her mom and was their emotionally for my wife. My wife is pretty close with her family, with the exception of her youngest sister. Its not that they're not close or love each other very much, but they sort of compete and have a rivalry. That will come up I'm sure in the counselling session. Her Best fried who was recently cheated on and divorced basically disowned her completely. But, they are begining to talk again. Although my wife probably has some jealousy there too. 

I think my wife cheated on me to get my attention and to make sure I cared also I think she had it in her head that I had an affair and wanted to bang her younger sister. 

Fvcked up I know, but I think that's why. I guess we'll find out soon enough. 

Her family has been amazing in all this. They're great grandparents. So are my mom and Dad. They did not validate my ex's affair. They were great.


----------



## TheFlood117

LongWalk said:


> You're doing a good job. You've been posting on other threads, advising betrayed spouses on how deal with cheaters. Is that helping you to deal with your own remaining questions?
> 
> Going to couple's therapy is a good idea.
> 
> Even if you risk dating your ex because you love her, you don't have to re-marry. You can keep her on her toes. If you were to live together, would you allow her to call you her husband without having re-tied the knot?
> 
> I don't see what you can get out of re-marrying her, unless it some how feels right. But why rush.
> 
> Why isn't she working?


I like TAM and this forum as been a great tool and support for me. I post cause I really feel for betrayed spouses. The overwhelming majority of BS I see here, are from what I can tell really good people and good men and women, far better than me. I feel that my no holds bar approach to busting the sh!t outta affairs and WS behavior is just another perspective. I post and visit TAM because it does help me in that it lets me say and vent what I really feel. And I hope that what I say isn't too harsh or brash. But I am what I am I guess.

My wife is working. She has been for months. She is very talented and obviously doesn't need me for financial support. 

I will not re-marry her. Under no circumstances. If we enter a relationship it will be exclusive. But I'm going to keep her guessing till then. Might be a bit cruel, but it's really a test for her. If she's willing to ride the bench while others get some playing time, work on herself and take responsibility for her actions then she might have a chance. Might.


----------



## alexm

TheFlood117 said:


> Thanks Viking for all your advice and comments. And basically that's where I am. With the exception of of a "new stud" taking her away. OM is not a stud at all. Average dude. I was reading a post by someone about why women cheat on a guy like me, and I think my wife cheated with a guy who was an emotional crutch for her- it was an emotional affair first. She say's that I was distant and "emotionally vacant" and to "controlling". She also had built up jealousy and the belief that I had an affair- I didn't, but I'm sure in her blameshifting brain I did.
> 
> You know, same sh!t different day. Thanks for all the support.


Fascinating post. I do not identify with the "alpha jock male fire fighter" lifestyle, so I initially was a little put off by the tone and language and descriptions of it all. But you have shown me that, despite using words like "chick" and "bang" etc. and otherwise talking like a 17 year old kid, that you also have an adult mentality when it comes to stuff like this.

I definitely fell into the category of "dear god, don't do this", but you SEEM to have handled it well... so far. I, like a few others here, just don't see the point, but I'm not in your shoes.

Anyway, my opinion on why she went elsewhere during your marriage, I think might have a bit to do with your personality. You are who you are, and your xw knew this from the start, but I think you're the type of person (man or woman) who others lust after. Women want the bad-boy, men want the dirty girl. But when all is said and done and we settle down with one of them, we realize that there may be other aspects missing.

I speak of experience here. My wife (like most women) had a thing for the bad-boy. I don't mean like bikers or players, just the type of guy who does his own thing, throws her a bone every now and again, and otherwise makes her work for it, while doing the minimum amount of work himself. There's something about women wanting to have to work a little bit at it, rather than a guy who throws himself at her feet constantly. I've also learned that they need a little bit of insecurity. I hesitate to say "drama". But if they're 100% certain their partner's not going to leave them, or if other women never check them out, for example, then there's no competition, and there's no excitement. Especially at your and you xw's age.

My bad-boy years are long past me, and I'm now the settle down type of guy. My wife and I dated in high school before breaking up for 15 years. I was a bad boy then, and she was drawn to me like a moth to light. I kept her on edge, and had no shortage of women (well, girls back then) hanging around. She broke up with me after 3 years, and immediately started dating this church-going innocent kid, the total opposite of me. That lasted maybe a month or two. Then she fell back into the bad-boys again. She spent the next 14-15 years in and out of short relationships, with a couple of longer ones in between, and they were all the "typical macho dude".

When we got back together several years ago, I was not anything like anybody she had dated before. I had previous experience settling down, my "fun" days were long behind me, and I was stable. I have not thrown myself at her feet, per se, but she is also not used to a guy who cooks dinner, looks after the (her) kids, does housework, thinks of her needs, communicates, etc etc etc.

Problem is, she's bored, and I can tell. She loves me, but I don't offer enough of a challenge to her. This is why sex in marriages tend to go downhill so often. Our sex is good, but it's not often enough. This tells me that we have sexual chemistry, but the initial attraction from her to me isn't there. I'm not exciting enough for her to keep her hands off me. You seem to have (had) the opposite problem.

You offer a huge challenge to your xw, especially now. But while you were together, she wanted somebody that wasn't like that, so she sought out, and found, a "safe" guy. A family man.

My point is, women (and men) tend to be attracted to one type, but desire the other. It's hard to win, and nothing seems out of the ordinary until you spend several years in marriage with someone. You either get tired of the bad-boy/dirty girl act and desire someone more boring, or you get tired of boring and desire the bad-boy/dirty girl. And then continue the cycle until you luck out and find someone who is a little bit of both.


----------



## Sandfly

Dear OP!

I did read your whole story, and I was impressed by your swift action, and clearheadedness.

Then you lost your head, and you rationalised it as 'I'm in Control'.

Friend, when it comes to the opposite sex, you are never in control of the other person, you are only in control of your own actions. What you do may make the other person adjust, it may not. 

You surely recognise what I am saying in the whole thing about 'cheating being a choice of the other person' and 'confident men work on themselves, and if a woman is interested, great, if not he doesn't need her and the take-it leave-it attitude radiates from him.' The underlying perspective of both things is that 'you are responsible for you, they are responsible for them'. Is the theory wrong? 

Have you ever 'made' someone do the right thing? Of course not! a) Convinced, b) set an example, c) dealt out consequences - these make people INTERNALLY decide to do the right thing, and in the case of women (a) won't work, (b) helps in the long term and (c) is the best short- to medium-term solution. 

Flowers, nice words and sudden attentiveness don't work, because it's based on the logical 'a' and not the 'b' or 'c' of DOING. Not to mention that (a) reeks of manipulation.

A bit like children, it pains me to say, but maybe that's coz they're always off their nuts on feelings. Personally, I never did (a) with women, and yet I've always had long and trouble-free relationships. I never understood why other men were so weak. I never directly asked any woman out, for example, I just had a good time with them, and they 'chose' to pursue me - or so it seemed to my logical mind. It's only since coming here that I've understood what was happening. I was naturally showing my real honesty and independent attitude to life, never lying except to non-friends for example, and always refusing to put up with any shytty behaviour. Little did I understand it, but the women I have been with have brainwashed THEMSELVES somehow into attraction. Nothing I tried to do. This must be why I still like them, even though I dislike the fact that they go Cold after about seven years. And you know, even when they go Cold, I still get RESPECT and FAIRNESS from them. They leave ME the flat to live in, they pay their half of the lease. The last one wanted her computer back, I said 'no, it's got my stuff on it. GOODBYE.' and I'm typing to you on it now. But I was just being honest and not putting up with shyt even at the GOODBYE forever situation that I insist on. I'm never going to be 'friends' you see, because I smell fakeness in that, and the only sin for me is fake. Do you know when they call it quits? When they get a promotion, and at the same time I'm looking for work. 'Nothing to do with me, time to move on'.

In the last relationship, I was so annoyed by the previous one that I never said that I loved her in seven years, but I demonstrated it through my behaviour, so she never complained about it. Sure I felt guilty, but I wasn't going to be fake by using words. And a marriage vow IS just words, I'm sorry.

Right now you are demonstrating to your wife that you love her, but we don't yet know if she loves you, or if it's a game, or if it's a malfunction in her glands. I hope it's the first, but don't bank on it yet. Bottom line is, you may not be saying commitment, but you are DOING it. To just want sex for sex sake, we men change the appearance of a woman so that she becomes an object. This is why prostitutes and Friday night slappers are all 'dressed up'. They aren't attractive to us naturally when we don't yet know them, so they must change into sex objects to get the shag. Manipulation for advantage - conscious? Doesn't have to be, it just does the job.
Without the fancy heels and mascara, you would find your sex drive was actually very low, and relations between the sexes would be very equal. This is why I am suspicious of 'beauty', but again, this is just a recent realisation of why I am both repulsed and attracted by the Friday Night slapper.

Is there any other evidence of her DOING commitment? Sex isn't ALWAYS showing commitment for women, like a binobo monkey, they can shag for protection or pacification instead of attraction. Is she 'dressing up' - be honest, are you attracted to the Sex Object or the real woman? 'Bait and switch marketing' - beware!

You stand to lose everything by not maintaining your distance, at least for a few months. She could see a little celibacy as a 'penance' or a 'sacrifice' (c) - in the end you NEED to test her commitment, not obviously perhaps, before you start dishing out the sweets. If she cheated again, you'd feel so much less a fool if it was during her 'prove it' time than if you'd fallen for the fickle hormones trap. 

I would like the women to come back to advise you on what she is up to. I would defer 100% to their advice, even if it contradicted me. 

But one thing I know - so long as you give in to your on-the-spot impulses, you aren't in control - it's too soon. A good father shows compassion, but he doesn't spoil his child, or build his life around what his kids think/say they want.

I'm not criticising you, you sound like you're smarter than I am, it's just that we should lend our ears to the honest women on this one. Don't have to take their advice, but it shouldn't be ignored.

Wish you well!


----------



## TheFlood117

I'm not reconciling with my wife. Unless you call reconciling living apart and me seeing other women reconciling. I'm going to a therapy session cause she asked me too. I'm doing it for her really. And plus, things do need to be said and probably should be said in a "controlled" environment. I view it has if me going to the therapy helps her grow as a person, that it is beneficial to me because she will be a better mother to our son. 

In terms of testing her, that's what I'm doing. If say she were to start dating guys or whatever in the next 4 or 5 or 6 months, I would know that any romantic future with her is completely out of the question for me. I told her she can go out and fool around, I expect no exclusivity. She told me she only wants me. We'll see how true that is. 

I'm in control. Fully. If I find out she has been fooling around, I'll just know that it's over and she doesn't really want ONLY me. I won't hold a grudge- I got everything I want. My house, my incredibly strong relationship with my son, a divorce from lying cheating wife, and a Bachelor lifestyle that most men would give their right nut for. I'm all good. 

Everything I've done-including having sex with her and caring for her by showing interest in her therapy, has a purpose. There is no wasted motion with me. 

I'm glad after our dinner date we went back to her place. I had to make sure my little buddies were still in place. 

I will say this, if anything, this whole escapade has made me a part time 007 wannabe.


----------



## Sandfly

Now you're sounding much more convincing.

Keep it up.

Sincerely hope you stay number one in your world. 

Being secure in your top place - confident - means you will have an abundance of energy and compassion to share, so it really is in everyone's interests that you stay 'the man'.

All the best! No hard feelings?


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

TheFlood117 said:


> If say she were to *start dating guys *or whatever in the next 4 or 5 or 6 months, *I would know that any romantic future with her is completely out of the question* for me. *I told her she can go out and fool around, I expect no exclusivity*. She told me she only wants me. We'll see how true that is.


So, if I understand this right, she can have sex with other men as long as she doesn't date them on a regular basis... I that what you meant?

I'm confused.


----------



## Sandfly

Dude, her told her that to TEST her, totally necessary in my opinion. That's the sentence that made me sure he's 'got' it.

He didn't mean he wanted her to... you gotta give her a chance to F up before giving the R credence, 

practical testing is the only way to 'know' if something is true - particularly what sb says


----------



## TheFlood117

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> So, if I understand this right, she can have sex with other men as long as she doesn't date them on a regular basis... I that what you meant?
> 
> I'm confused.


It's up to her. If she really wants a chance in hell to even get me exclusivity, then I say. No. I will not share her. At all. My reaction to her little fling is evident of that enough. I am doing whoever I want. I'll just move on and slay more chicks. But I do still love her, can't really explain it, but there it is. But I'm not just gonna blindly go into this without vetting her, lol. 

As you can see, therapy is really needed. 

I'm kinda a controlling, manipulative D!ck. And she's has poor coping and boundary issues. If we were to even have a chance at this thing, these things gotta be addressed.


----------



## TheFlood117

Sandfly said:


> Now you're sounding much more convincing.
> 
> Keep it up.
> 
> Sincerely hope you stay number one in your world.
> 
> Being secure in your top place - confident - means you will have an abundance of energy and compassion to share, so it really is in everyone's interests that you stay 'the man'.
> 
> All the best! No hard feelings?


Thanks, man. I took no offense, no worries. I like your insight and perspective. That's why I'm here. Different perspectives give rise to more tools in the shed so to speak. 

Thanks.


----------



## kristin2349

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> So, if I understand this right, she can have sex with other men as long as she doesn't date them on a regular basis... I that what you meant?
> 
> I'm confused.


I think he said he is testing her. He is being honest that he's sleeping around and dating and given her the opportunity. If she takes it that will show him he shouldn't reconcile.

My guess with a test like this is: she will be able to stay faithful for a while . But not forever. Now that she doesn't have Flood locked down she is hyper focused on getting him back.

If she does without figuring out what made her cheat. What was missing in her and the marriage that made her risk it all and lose it all. If she doesn't figure that out and fix it it is just going to happen again.

Flood giving her a reminder of what she had but no longer has exclusive rights to might backfire at some point. 

Right now she is focused on Flood, she isn't putting out feelers or vibes to other guys. If she does they will be there. She's good looking and now single....

Flood, I'm glad your good and are still checking in. A piece of advice you write off today might make more sense later. I've read that many times here.


----------



## Sandfly

Good to know. I want you to succeed.

More tools is what it is about. I've learnt a lot here, but most of all how to put this 'instinct' into words.

You call yourself a 'controlling, manipulative ****'?

Buddy, that is what the radical feminists would call it.

I call it 'taking no ****' and 'having self-respect'.


----------



## kristin2349

TheFlood117 said:


> It's up to her. If she really wants a chance in hell to even get me exclusivity, then I say. No. I will not share her. At all. My reaction to her little fling is evident of that enough. I am doing whoever I want. I'll just move on and slay more chicks. But I do still love her, can't really explain it, but there it is. But I'm not just gonna blindly go into this without vetting her, lol.
> 
> As you can see, therapy is really needed.
> 
> I'm kinda a controlling, manipulative D!ck. And she's has poor coping and boundary issues. If we were to even have a chance at this thing, these things gotta be addressed.


There ya go! You have got it after all. I posted for nothing.


----------



## LongWalk

Flood,

What is really great about your thread is the sharpness that you have brought to the question what fidelity means to a relationship. Your WW cheated on you in two ways: emotional and physical. Unlike some waywards, the moment you busted her she completely dropped the OM in both respects.

However, this left open the question of your sexual adequacy. She also has been begging for you to sleep with her again and pledged monogamy on her part. Really, you seem to have gotten her bvack. Still, you are holding back. Men, willing cuckolds excepted, are not willing to spend resources on women who will accept another man's seed on the sly.

Now here is the kicker: you love your wife, even though you told her you hated her on exposure day. It is because you love your wife that I think you will be happier reconciling, provided she proves trustworthy. Furthermore, you want her motivation to be because she loves you.

Since your 5 star restaurant meal you have had sex for what presumably for the first time for her in many months. She must have been pretty hard up and now that she got taste of you again, she is going to want more. 

How long can you be in a relationship in which only one side must be monogamous? It will be interesting if this comes up in your couple's therapy.


----------



## TheFlood117

kristin2349 said:


> I think he said he is testing her. He is being honest that he's sleeping around and dating and given her the opportunity. If she takes it that will show him he shouldn't reconcile.
> 
> My guess with a test like this is: she will be able to stay faithful for a while . But not forever. Now that she doesn't have Flood locked down she is hyper focused on getting him back.
> 
> If she does without figuring out what made her cheat. What was missing in her and the marriage that made her risk it all and lose it all. If she doesn't figure that out and fix it it is just going to happen again.
> 
> Flood giving her a reminder of what she had but no longer has exclusive rights to might backfire at some point.
> 
> Right now she is focused on Flood, she isn't putting out feelers or vibes to other guys. If she does they will be there. She's good looking and now single....
> 
> Flood, I'm glad your good and are still checking in. A piece of advice you write off today might make more sense later. I've read that many times here.



Yep, and like I said, this is even for a chance. Right now, I don't want to reconcile at all. But.... I do love her still- still kinda baffled on that lol. I can't know if months or even a year down the line even if she does everything right that I still want to reconcile with her. I'm not forcing her to do anything. It's all on her. Her behavior and life is her own. I can only control me and maybe help her be a better person. We gotta co-parent. No test or vetting about that one. And this dynamic will have to last for the rest of our lives. As this event as shown to me, you never stop being a parent to your child. Never. 

I do not want my wife to have any resentment toward me. Hence the therapy. And also, I like her. I don't resent her, I want her to grow as a person. 


And... The love is still there. That alone deserves a little consideration.


----------



## Lovemytruck

TheFlood117 said:


> I'm not reconciling with my wife. Unless you call reconciling living apart and me seeing other women reconciling. I'm going to a therapy session cause she asked me too. I'm doing it for her really. And plus, things do need to be said and probably should be said in a "controlled" environment. I view it has if me going to the therapy helps her grow as a person, that it is beneficial to me because she will be a better mother to our son.
> 
> In terms of testing her, that's what I'm doing. If say she were to start dating guys or whatever in the next 4 or 5 or 6 months, I would know that any romantic future with her is completely out of the question for me. I told her she can go out and fool around, I expect no exclusivity. She told me she only wants me. We'll see how true that is.
> 
> I'm in control. Fully. If I find out she has been fooling around, I'll just know that it's over and she doesn't really want ONLY me. I won't hold a grudge- I got everything I want. My house, my incredibly strong relationship with my son, a divorce from lying cheating wife, and a Bachelor lifestyle that most men would give their right nut for. I'm all good.
> 
> Everything I've done-including having sex with her and caring for her by showing interest in her therapy, has a purpose. There is no wasted motion with me.
> 
> I'm glad after our dinner date we went back to her place. I had to make sure my little buddies were still in place.
> 
> I will say this, if anything, this whole escapade has made me a part time 007 wannabe.


I liked your post because it shows that you do have control. I also am wondering if you have a couple of hidden dangers that you might not have considered.

When your son sees you going out with your ex, he might be hoping that he will have both of his parents home again. I would think a clean break would be less troublesome for a young mind. Hopes he has might be renewed and shattered repeatedly. We don't know as readers, but I would think it would be a possibility.

The sex stuff may be fun. It might also be a bit of a barrier for both of you to move on. If you have casual sex with the ex, I am sure it would be a head-game for future partners. Not sure what other women you are dating or considering, but I would think messing around with the ex would be a scary thing for a new woman entering your world.

I really like the parts of your thread/story that I have read. Just some things to consider as you move down your new path.

My experience now that I am married a second time is that the less I speak to or about my exWW the easier it is for my new wife. I am still concerned about my ex, but my priority had to shift in order to show that there are no intentions to going back with her.

It is easier on my sons knowing that I am 100% in to my new wife. It is good for my step-kids and bio-kids to see things stable. It also allows them and us to bond knowing that it is our path for the future.

The point is that you can help her early after a D, but you need to ween her completely off of your emotional support. It will be better for the people that may come along later.


----------



## TheFlood117

@Lovemytruck 

I do worry about my boy thinking his mom and dad are gonna live together and that might be confusing. We are very involved in our son's life and talk to him all the time, I read behavior pretty well,and if our son demonstrates or tells me or her that he's wondering if we are getting back together. My ex and I will set him down together and tell him what's going on. 

If needed we would go to family therapy. But my son is doing so well- another shocker, that I doubt this will happen. It's amazing how is trucked through this, like it's nothing. He's actually excelled and tells us that he's really happy with having 2 rooms and 2 house that are his. When he wants to see his mom I will never stop him and vice versa. We constantly talk to our son, I do daily all the time and always gauge his body language. He's doing pretty well. He does miss his mommy tho, a few times he's cried-mostly early on. This was very tough on me and brutal on his mom- yet another in your face consequence of her affair. 

I don't really "date" any of these women I'm seeing. If. And this is a big IF, I were to find a woman that I want exclusivity from, I would not be involved with my ex on an emotional level that would cross boundaries of co-parenting. And I definitely wouldn't bang her, then bang my GF. I don't need to that, I get tons of play as a single guy. If I commit, I will fully commit.


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## Lovemytruck

Good to know. Your progress is great. Keep us posted. It really helps the newly betrayed to see your successes.


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## LostViking

The problem I see with you Flood is you have a tendency to get a bit TOO c0cky. Screw enough chicks and pretty soon your xWW is going to get fed up with it an stop trying to R with you. 

I get you want to punish her and make her feel the pain you felt. I am a believer in revenge. Revenge gets a bad rap in today's PC environment. I get how you want to repair your feelings of manhood that she dented. I get how you want to make it clear to her what a commodity you are. I also see how you want to test her to see if she is willing to stay celibate for you by sitting by while you get your rocks off with other chicks. I get it. Your'e like that big black alpha wolf on _*The Grey *_. You are a badazz, no one here is denying it. 

All I'm saying is don't go overboard with it. At some point you need to hang it up and go back to an exclusive relationship with her... IF that is what you want. I'm not sure you do. If I was getting a parade of tail I would be hard pressed to want to stop myself. But you are going to have hang it up at some point.

What is going to happen if she meets up with some studly mojo guy with a body like Dwayne Johnston's and a face like DiCapprio's, making $300k a year and driving an L7 Vette? All this big talk you are making is going to land flat and you are going to be left in the dust. You are going to still be in love with her and she's going to be g-o-n-e.


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## bfree

Flood, other than to remain celibate have you thought at all what things you'd be looking for in order to reconcile with her? If she goes to therapy and discovers what it is that led to her cheating and stays "faithful" to you is that it? Full speed on reconciling?


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## TheFlood117

@LostViking, it's not revenge. Not at all. If I really wanted to punish her, I would have sex with her sister, then best friend, then manipulate our kid to not like her, then take her back lead her on and cheat for the rest of the marriage. If I were truly that type of person, that would be about "just" but I'm not like that. I love her. Very much. I want her to be better for HER and our son. She is having a ton of regret and angst. She's taking drugs- not illegal, but she's on anti anxiety and anti depressants all the time. That's not her. She's never been one of those women that needs to be "regulated" with scipts. I want her to let it go and just accept it for what is is. Hence the therapy. She asked me to go, I didn't and won't volunteer for anything for her. I want her to get better for herself. 

@Bfree, she needs to get better coping skills and relinquish her jealousy and constant need for my affection. In short she would need to make her own happiness and not rely on me to create it for her. I truly believe her affair stemmed from built up jealously, lack of communication, and me "ignoring her emotional needs" and her need to get my attention. I also think she wanted it too. She wanted the thrill of it as well, something of a secret she could hold over me. In short, she would really need to "woman up". Even then tho, I'm not really sure. I'm doing pretty well, so I don't know if I could even reconcile. I guess, I'll know if I even get to that headspace.


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## kristin2349

LostViking said:


> The problem I see with you Flood is you have a tendency to get a bit TOO c0cky. Screw enough chicks and pretty soon your xWW is going to get fed up with it an stop trying to R with you.
> 
> I get you want to punish her and make her feel the pain you felt. I am a believer in revenge. Revenge gets a bad rap in today's PC environment. I get how you want to repair your feelings of manhood that she dented. I get how you want to make it clear to her what a commodity you are. I also see how you want to test her to see if she is willing to stay celibate for you by sitting by while you get your rocks off with other chicks. I get it. Your'e like that big black alpha wolf on _*The Grey *_. You are a badazz, no one here is denying it.
> 
> 
> All I'm saying is don't go overboard with it. At some point you need to hang it up and go back to an exclusive relationship with her... IF that is what you want. I'm not sure you do. If I was getting a parade of tail I would be hard pressed to want to stop myself. But you are going to have hang it up at some point.
> 
> What is going to happen if she meets up with some studly mojo guy with a body like Dwayne Johnston's and a face like DiCapprio's, making $300k a year and driving an L7 Vette? All this big talk you are making is going to land flat and you are going to be left in the dust. You are going to still be in love with her and she's going to be g-o-n-e.


His exploring his freedom and still being in love with her is tricky.

For me there is a line where if he is still roaming and dating. And I'm sitting at home behaving....it would be a recipe for disaster. If you continue to behave and pass all tests. Are you doing it because you suddenly realize you really do love the guy you cheated on or do you just want to pass the test and get the prize/trophy for having passed....then it goes one of two ways. You cherish it and realize how hard you worked for it and act accordingly.

Or, you are happy for a bit then it's put on a shelf and you look for the next prize... It all depends on wiring (not really words). And her wiring and his are a bit faulty at the moment.

Everyone has a breaking point where they wonder why they are behaving as if they are in a relationship when he has made it clear he's actively single.

He's given her just enough to keep her on her best behavior. For now...

I'm looking at this from a female perspective and being honest about how many women think. I have never cheated but I don't play if I feel like I'm being tested or toyed with. I would play along just enough to flip the script. And then shut it down.

Flood please don't confuse your son with him catching you too being affectionate or with overnights at this point.


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## Singledude21

I feel so awful reading a lot of these post reading stories here, and sometimes it makes me not even want to marry. But I got to be honest, and I don't want you to take this the wrong way Flood. But I'd kill to live your life, even dealing with the affair.

One of my biggest things holding me back is the fear of being cheated on since it seems like nowadays you can be doing everything right and still get cheated on. But man, the way you handled it was some boss level sh%t, cause it seems like for once, the cheater really got the message that she screwed up and didn't get the BS to bend over like the attended plan. 

Now, she's pretty much begging to get back, AFTER the divorce, which really made me interested. Normally the WS either seems to give up or don't even try, but from what I've read, seems she really knows she really screwed the pooch.

So even though this is your life and all, and it sucks you're going through this, reading how you're handling it is giving me some serious study notes my dude. So just in case something like this ever did happen to me, I want to be prepared and ready for war instead of getting caught offguard and out in the cold in nothing but boxers.

So thanks for the indirect leading by example lol.


----------



## Lovemytruck

TheFlood117 said:


> @LostViking, it's not revenge. Not at all. If I really wanted to punish her, I would have sex with her sister, then best friend, then manipulate our kid to not like her, then take her back lead her on and cheat for the rest of the marriage. If I were truly that type of person, that would be about "just" but I'm not like that. I love her. Very much. I want her to be better for HER and our son. She is having a ton of regret and angst. She's taking drugs- not illegal, but she's on anti anxiety and anti depressants all the time. That's not her. She's never been one of those women that needs to be "regulated" with scipts. I want her to let it go and just accept it for what is is. Hence the therapy. She asked me to go, I didn't and won't volunteer for anything for her. I want her to get better for herself.
> 
> @Bfree, she needs to get better coping skills and relinquish her jealousy and constant need for my affection. In short she would need to make her own happiness and not rely on me to create it for her. I truly believe her affair stemmed from built up jealously, lack of communication, and me "ignoring her emotional needs" and her need to get my attention. I also think she wanted it too. She wanted the thrill of it as well, something of a secret she could hold over me. In short, she would really need to "woman up". Even then tho, I'm not really sure. I'm doing pretty well, so I don't know if I could even reconcile. I guess, I'll know if I even get to that headspace.


Your descriptions sound very similar to my ex and how I felt at that time.

My youngest son was 18 at that time, so I wasn't willing to be under the same roof because of his needs.

Once I was out of the house, I cherished the new freedom! It was so GOOD to be with women that had not betrayed me. The end game was a great new wife, good in-laws, and a really awesome circle of new friends.

Maybe you are still using her as a safety net. Not a bad thing, just wondering if that is part of it. It seems that her family and friends would be her support system.

I may have been lucky, but after going through the D things just worked out so nicely on the relationship stuff. Hope you experience that someday too.


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## TheFlood117

@kristin

Yeah it is what it is, the reality is that I can and probably will never trust her enough. I love her. And I can't just ignore it. I have tried. Divorce, separate houses, coldness, having tons of women and so on and so on. It hasn't' really left or even decreased. So, I've given her just enough to either prove that she's worthy of even consideration ( and when I say consideration, I mean dating. She will not move in with me. And we will not act like hubby and wife basically, it will just move to an exclusive GF type of thing). It will be slow- slow for us I guess, I mean we are having lots of sex, so slow for us isn't really slow-this should probably be addressed in the therapy session. If she wants to see other guys then that's cool and I'll know that it's truly time to move on. And I will. 

@singledude21. 

Marriage and relationships are great and amazing. Don't let my story or any on TAM jade you from experiencing true singular exclusive love of another. Marriage is great if both of you"buy into it" so to speak. Not every woman cheats-many do tho, so always be weary of red flags and never. NEVER. put women on a pedestal. And listen bro, you sound young. I'm guessing your in your early or mid twenties. At this age, it's all about bangin' as many chicks as possible so that you know what you want. Have fun. Then you can find a woman that is compatable with you and wants a family and marriage. However, as my story is an example, even then things go wrong. It's all about having a spouse that values YOU and the marriage more than their selfish needs. Really cheating is all about the WS poor coping skills and selfishness. It is what it is. But don't be afraid to find love cause you think you'll get burned. 

@Lovemytruck

I'm happy that you found love and a second marriage. I'm done with marriage. Pretty sure on that one. And I think I've found my one love already. But that's just me. I've never been the type of fall in and out of love over and over again. My ex is the only woman I've ever really loved. In terms of finding a relationship, I don't really need it to be honest, I miss my ex not really the stuff about relationships, I just miss her. I'm very happy you found love and a better life after you got cheated on. That's the best any of us can hope for.


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## kristin2349

Flood my guess is this. If that is the way you are going to continue handling her. I happen to think for the most part you as you have been handling it really well. Better than most.

I think from her perspective she's got to be thinking (I'm guessing here). She owned a Porsche she took it for granted and now it's gone. Repo'd due to her neglect. She's wondering if its being taken on some harmless joyrides while its not in her garage or if it gone and she'll never get it back.

Let's say by some miracle you (her Porsche) returns. At first she is thrilled to have it back. Then when that fades, she notices the odometer, then looks it over for dings and things that weren't like she left them. The Porsche has lost it's appeal and she's back on the car lot looking.

The above happened to me, only it honestly was just my car. It wasn't repo'd it was stolen. They found it and as soon as I got it back I traded it in.


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## TheFlood117

I'm just a trade in'd Porsche ...... Damn, but it's probably true. Life could be worst I could be an Audi.


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## tom67

TheFlood117 said:


> I'm just a trade in'd Porsche ...... Damn, but it's probably true. Life could be worst I could be an Audi.


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## LostViking

TheFlood117 said:


> I'm just a trade in'd Porsche ...... Damn, but it's probably true. Life could be worst I could be an Audi.


Hey!!! 

I have a 2011 Mariani Audi S8 fella...

Last pimple-faced little fvck in a BMW M5 that tried to take me on got taken to school by the Viking.


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## TheFlood117

LostViking said:


> Hey!!!
> 
> I have a 2011 Mariani Audi S8 fella...
> 
> Last pimple-faced little fvck in a BMW M5 that tried to take me on got taken to school by the Viking.


It's all about the driver. You were better. His 560 should have easily beaten your 501, M5 is lighter too. You were just the "Alpha"  that day. 

Audi still Audi tho. Probably break after 10,000 miles....


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## LostViking

TheFlood117 said:


> It's all about the driver. You were better. His 560 should have easily beaten your 501, M5 is lighter too. You were just the "Alpha"  that day.
> 
> Audi still Audi tho. Probably break after 10,000 miles....


I chalk it up to penis size. 

Actually it has been a dependable car. I have 35k on it without a problem. Its still tight as a drum. But I'm careful with the maintenance on it. I'm kind of anal about oil changes and tire rotations and the like. Do you drive a bimmer?


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## bfree

*Re: Re: She asked me out.*



LostViking said:


> Do you drive a bimmer?


Speaking of anal....


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## LostViking

bfree said:


> Speaking of anal....


:rofl:


----------



## Emptyshelldad

Did flood leave us for the holidays? I'm always curious as his and I's situations are so earily similar, they could be written by the same person.


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## happyman64

Emptyshelldad said:


> Did flood leave us for the holidays? I'm always curious as his and I's situations are so earily similar, they could be written by the same person.


He has been posting on other threads.


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## LongWalk

Are you still checking out restaurants together?


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## TopsyTurvy5

Just read this entire story and while I feel badly for all involved, something really stood out for me.

At one point the OP's ex said that he was "emotionally distant" and "controlling". As I read through this thread it is obvious the OP is now....emotionally distant and controlling with his ex. 

Just an observation, if you expect your ex to EVER be a different person with you (not cheat) you are going to need to be a different person as well. I realize you think it feels great to be super alpha or whatever, but what makes you think she will change in the long run if you act in the manner which helped to precipitate the affair? You were super alpha before, according to your posts and that didn't stop sh*t from happening to you. Are you always emotionally distant and controlling toward women? If so, get ready for more cheating. 

Now I'm not blaming you for the affair, but I think it is important to realize that if you and your ex get back together, the issues she commented on will resurface again unless you address them. If you think you and your ex will never get back together, then you should man up and be honest with her. Regardless of whether or not, "she is an adult" and "no one is pointing a gun at her head." Be a man and lay it out there for her and for your son.


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## jack.c

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Just read this entire story and while I feel badly for all involved, something really stood out for me.
> 
> At one point the OP's ex said that he was "emotionally distant" and "controlling". As I read through this thread it is obvious the OP is now....emotionally distant and controlling with his ex.
> 
> Just an observation, if you expect your ex to EVER be a different person with you (not cheat) you are going to need to be a different person as well. I realize you think it feels great to be super alpha or whatever, but what makes you think she will change in the long run if you act in the manner which helped to precipitate the affair? You were super alpha before, according to your posts and that didn't stop sh*t from happening to you. Are you always emotionally distant and controlling toward women? If so, get ready for more cheating.
> 
> Now I'm not blaming you for the affair, but I think it is important to realize that if you and your ex get back together, the issues she commented on will resurface again unless you address them. If you think you and your ex will never get back together, then you should man up and be honest with her. Regardless of whether or not, "she is an adult" and "no one is pointing a gun at her head." Be a man and lay it out there for her and for your son.



sorry... but i do not agree. I think he handle everything perfectly! WAY TO GO FLOOD! Wish others will take your example. And if for others it would be R. or D. this is the way it must be handled... at least this is my opinion


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## Plan 9 from OS

I've read the Flood thread from awhile back plus seen his comments in other threads. He was a player before he married - even dating married women. He became a player again after his wife cheated on him. So while I must say that he handled his cheating wife situation in way that would make him a rock star among the other BH's in the forum, you can also say that the dude simply got run over by the karma bus too. 

I have no idea how old the Flood is or when he was a player prior to getting married, but "in another life" the vast majority of BS's on this forum would be screaming for this guy's head. "Post him on cheaterville!" and calls like that would be common. But now that the Flood was a victim of cheating, he's now a "brother in arms". 

I like the Flood as a poster on this board, but there would be NFW that I'd let this guy anywhere near my wife. Sorry dude, but that's the truth. I'd bet in real life the vast majority of you BH's wouldn't let this guy near your wives either.


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## happyman64

I don't agree with you Plan 9.

This is exactly the type of guy you want around your wife.

He has learned first hand what infidelity does to a marriage.

He has learned how valuable "family" is showing his son what it means to be man.

Flood is a big boy. Just because he was a player before he married does not mean he is deserving of this type of karma.

I wouldn't mind flood being around my family or my wife. Not because of who Flood is but because of who my wife is.

Flood is a BS just like many of us.

And IMO he is exemplary of any man that has picked up the pieces, put them back together as best as he could and is working on a better future for him, his son and his family.

Divorce kills a marriage but the family continues on, albeit in a different fashion after the divorce.

HM


----------



## convert

also one important note is that i do not believe Flood was a player during his marriage


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## bandit.45

Has CWI gotten so stale we have to go back and debate old threads?


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

Then a whole bunch of you better recheck your assumptions. If the Flood is allowed to be perceived in a different light now and not be painted by his prior sins, then why can't so many of the WS's be given the same chance? I've read too many times on here that "once a cheater, always a cheater" is a real. It's tangible and has utility in determining future decisions in the realm of love. If most of you can overlook the serial cheater that the Flood was prior to marriage, then why can't a WS be treated with more compassion on this forum? I know a handful are already. But the way I see it, there are too many people on here who want to rip a WS to shreds before ever hearing both sides of a story and assume the WS is pure evil while the BS is pure goodness.

See what I did there? I took snippets of the Flood's story and ran with what most people think are the "important parts". Once a cheater, always a cheater...right?


----------



## LongWalk

Flood is a guy who thinks about these things. His goal has been to avoid losing control of his life. He and Emptyshelldad are in the same position in many respects.

In some of Flood's posts on other infidelity threads he is a little harsher than I think he would be towards his ex. He doesn't get off on hurting her. Flood used to love his ex, inspite of what happened. Maybe that love is fading. It could be that Flood wants to keep his ex chasing him.

Does successful reconciliation have to result in marriage? I am not certain of that. It certainly what everyone is taught.

If Flood or Emptyshelldad's exes started LTR with other men and gave up trying to get them back, would they feel regret? Would they come and talk about it?

Reading about LD wives on TAM ia real agony. I am not sure that those marriages are more successful than Flood or ShellDad's LTR's with exes.


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## TopsyTurvy5

jack.c said:


> sorry... but i do not agree. I think he handle everything perfectly! WAY TO GO FLOOD! Wish others will take your example. And if for others it would be R. or D. this is the way it must be handled... at least this is my opinion


Sorry, but I disagree. I think this board is filled with lots of BHs who want to punish their ex-partners in a similar way to what Flood is doing, so they tend to be very supportive of what he is doing without looking at the entire picture. Flood is absolutely controlling the situation and he is certainly not making himself emotionally available. (He even mentions this in a couple of his threads.) 

But, yeah, you have to punish the WS!! Hell yeah!! Bang that "*****" until she sees stars! That will teach her!!! Sigh...

Me, I'd kiss it goodbye and move on. What he is doing is all about ego. F*ck that, I want no part of that kind of behavior. I realize it makes a lot of BHs really happy to see this kind of action, but I see it as having more self-respect. 

If my wife did that to me, she would not deserve to be with me again. I'd find some other "*****es" to bang. Right on, bro! Sigh...


----------



## adriana

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I've read the Flood thread from awhile back plus seen his comments in other threads. He was a player before he married - even dating married women. He became a player again after his wife cheated on him. So while I must say that he handled his cheating wife situation in way that would make him a rock star among the other BH's in the forum, you can also say that the dude simply got run over by the karma bus too.
> 
> I have no idea how old the Flood is or when he was a player prior to getting married, but "in another life" the vast majority of BS's on this forum would be screaming for this guy's head. "Post him on cheaterville!" and calls like that would be common. But now that the Flood was a victim of cheating, he's now a "brother in arms".
> 
> I like the Flood as a poster on this board, but there would be NFW that I'd let this guy anywhere near my wife. Sorry dude, but that's the truth. I'd bet in real life the vast majority of you BH's wouldn't let this guy near your wives either.



I'm afraid this concept is simply too complex for most CWI posters to comprehend. 




Plan 9 from OS said:


> Then a whole bunch of you better recheck your assumptions. If the Flood is allowed to be perceived in a different light now and not be painted by his prior sins, then why can't so many of the WS's be given the same chance? I've read too many times on here that "once a cheater, always a cheater" is a real. It's tangible and has utility in determining future decisions in the realm of love. If most of you can overlook the serial cheater that the Flood was prior to marriage, then why can't a WS be treated with more compassion on this forum? I know a handful are already. But the way I see it, there are too many people on here who want to rip a WS to shreds before ever hearing both sides of a story and assume the WS is pure evil while the BS is pure goodness.
> 
> See what I did there? I took snippets of the Flood's story and ran with what most people think are the "important parts". Once a cheater, always a cheater...right?



Once again.... this is beyond the scope of comprehension of an average _"alpha, alpha, more alpha"_ CWI poster. Sad, isn't it?


----------



## LongWalk

So the question is is Flood as mean to his ex as he recommends others be to theirs?

Is he talking up the callousness?

At the end of day any BS who wants R has work at forgiving the WS. The WS cannot be shuffle around with shackles of guilt for 30 years. That's no happy marriage.

There all sorts of issues that require some delicacy. If, for example, a WW had anal sex with POSOM while denying that to BH. BH should perhaps not harp on this and try to get even by getting back territory that the OM seized. A backdoor triumph over a WW might not improve their relationship, especially it was mechanically vengeful. Some transactions are only successful when they go unlabeled. You cannot do an autopsy on a living patient.


----------



## sammy3

bandit.45 said:


> Has CWI gotten so stale we have to go back and debate old threads?


No, there just so much to keep learning from others past decisions & outcomes...

-sammy


----------



## Csquare

I confess I *love* Ole Flood's posts and threads. There's something that appeals to the imagination - WW the Super-Babe; Flood, the Uber-Alpha Fireman former Abercrombie-Fitch model....Whew! It's like reading an awesome romance novel with heightened drama and hot characters. So much so that I find myself wondering how much is real, how much is fantasy.

What I do find fascinating is that as hot-sexy-smart-talented both Flood and WW are, neither can escape the natural consequences of their actions, nor the failings of their egos.

Flood admitted he was an outrageous flirt throughout his marriage, his wife suspecting him of cheating while she was pregnant; she believed he cheated with her sister. That's a HUGE violation of trust, in my book. Even though he was faithful to her in the strictest, Bill-Clinton-Depends-What-your-definition-of-IS-is, literal no PIV sense (so big kudos to him for that), he allowed her to feel less than she was his one and only.

So, she cheats. He finds pictures and is crushed. But quickly kicks her out the door. Only to let her in to be his F-buddy, as part of the rotation of babes he enjoys.

Wow. So he's "won", I guess. If marriage is a game of ones-upmanship, and other BS on TAM cheer him on as the ultimate superhero fantasy. 

But, in real life, the drama continues. Will Flood be able to reign in his ego enough to find the humility and gratitude necessary for lasting joy and happiness. Hope so. We're all works in progress in life, and if it's important to him, he'll find what he needs.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

Csquare said:


> I confess I *love* Ole Flood's posts and threads. There's something that appeals to the imagination - WW the Super-Babe; Flood, the Uber-Alpha Fireman former Abercrombie-Fitch model....Whew! It's like reading an awesome romance novel with heightened drama and hot characters. So much so that I find myself wondering how much is real, how much is fantasy.
> 
> What I do find fascinating is that as hot-sexy-smart-talented both Flood and WW are, neither can escape the natural consequences of their actions, nor the failings of their egos.
> 
> Flood admitted he was an outrageous flirt throughout his marriage, his wife suspecting him of cheating while she was pregnant; she believed he cheated with her sister. That's a HUGE violation of trust, in my book. Even though he was faithful to her in the strictest, Bill-Clinton-Depends-What-your-definition-of-IS-is, literal no PIV sense (so big kudos to him for that), he allowed her to feel less than she was his one and only.
> 
> So, she cheats. He finds pictures and is crushed. But quickly kicks her out the door. Only to let her in to be his F-buddy, as part of the rotation of babes he enjoys.
> 
> Wow. So he's "won", I guess. If marriage is a game of ones-upmanship, *and other BS on TAM cheer him on as the ultimate superhero fantasy. *
> 
> *But, in real life, the drama continues.* Will Flood be able to reign in his ego enough to find the humility and gratitude necessary for lasting joy and happiness. Hope so. We're all works in progress in life, and if it's important to him, he'll find what he needs.


I love the internet. But it has had a nasty side effect of dehumanizing people. A lot of stuff said on these threads would never be uttered in real life. In the world of TAM, you can be considered a rock star. But in real life, the same situation would make you do a double take.

Think about it. Your cheating ex wife is now one of your girls that you have in your rotation. Frankly, I find this practice abhorrent. Someone mentioned that a great example is being set for his son. Really? I don't think so...


----------



## jack.c

From what i remember he was a player BEFORE marriege, but after married he never chaeted- correct me if i'm wrong.
Then again he toke action to move forward, if his exw needs the drama and cant get over it, well..... thats her problem!
She is punishing herself NOT HIM!
so yeah..... 
alpha is not a person who shows muscles, its a person who stands by his morals, and does not allow anything or anyone to affect it.
Alpha is taking action and letting that talk for him.


----------



## happyman64

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Then a whole bunch of you better recheck your assumptions. If the Flood is allowed to be perceived in a different light now and not be painted by his prior sins, then why can't so many of the WS's be given the same chance? I've read too many times on here that "once a cheater, always a cheater" is a real. It's tangible and has utility in determining future decisions in the realm of love. If most of you can overlook the serial cheater that the Flood was prior to marriage, then why can't a WS be treated with more compassion on this forum? I know a handful are already. But the way I see it, there are too many people on here who want to rip a WS to shreds before ever hearing both sides of a story and assume the WS is pure evil while the BS is pure goodness.
> 
> See what I did there? I took snippets of the Flood's story and ran with what most people think are the "important parts". Once a cheater, always a cheater...right?


Plan 9. 

A person being a player does not make him a serial cheater. Your statement is pretty broad.

But at the same time I agree wholeheartedly that wayward spouses need to be treated better (less harshly) when they come to TAM.

HM


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

jack.c said:


> From what i remember he was a player BEFORE marriege, but after married he never chaeted- correct me if i'm wrong.
> Then again he toke action to move forward, if his exw needs the drama and cant get over it, well..... thats her problem!
> She is punishing herself NOT HIM!
> so yeah.....
> alpha is not a person who shows muscles, its a person who stands by his morals, and does not allow anything or anyone to affect it.
> Alpha is taking action and letting that talk for him.


You womanize prior to getting married - even sleeping with other married women - and no doubt actually seducing married women. Yet this person is NOT viewed as a player and a serial cheater who should not be shunned, i.e. "once a cheater, always a cheater". As of today, he has a rotation of women, so he's now a player again. Will he take the next step and hit on married women again? I have no idea. Would I be dumb enough to allow my wife to be with him one on one alone? NFW.

Now consider the WW here. To our knowledge, she cheated in her marriage, but there is no info stating that she was a serial cheater in her past. As of today, she seems to be only seeing the OP, hoping to get back with him while she waits her turn in his rotation. Yet she is still perceived as the cheating wh0re who deserves her lot in life to atone for her sin. 

Do you see the hypocrisy yet? Logically speaking, if both appear to be repentant of their "sins", you either have to accept them both as flawed people trying to do better in life or you damn them both for being cheaters and players.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

happyman64 said:


> Plan 9.
> 
> *A person being a player does not make him a serial cheater.* Your statement is pretty broad.
> 
> But at the same time I agree wholeheartedly that wayward spouses need to be treated better (less harshly) when they come to TAM.
> 
> HM


And if you, as a player, were sleeping with married women? What do you call that? Just being a player?

I want to add that I do believe in redemption and I do believe in everyone getting a second chance if they demonstrate repentance for what they did. For the record, I feel that The Flood should not be defined today by what he did in the past.

But at the same time, I'd still be stupid to allow him to be close to my wife if I wasn't around. You can be forgiven for your past, but you can never wipe your past clean either. 

My points are that it's hypocrisy to extend forgiveness to some and not to others. We never know the whole story of a situation.


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: She asked me out.*



happyman64 said:


> Plan 9.
> 
> A person being a player does not make him a serial cheater. Your statement is pretty broad.
> 
> But at the same time I agree wholeheartedly that wayward spouses need to be treated better (less harshly) when they come to TAM.
> 
> HM


Between my first marriage and my second I would have been what most here would call a player. I did not date married women, at least none that I knew of. My marriage is solid and because I sowed my oats I don't have any desire to re enter the dating scene. One thing that I can say about those days is that I know I always have options and so does my wife. I think that keeps both of us engaged in the marriage because we know that staying together is a choice. Just because Flood was what some might call a player doesn't mean a damned thing. Just because you once bedded a lot of women doesn't mean that's what you'll always do or do again.


----------



## happyman64

> What-your-definition-of-IS-is, literal no PIV sense (so big kudos to him for that), he allowed her to feel less than she was his one and only.


CSquare

He might have allowed her to feel that way. But that is conjecture on your part. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. Only his wife or Flood can answer that.

But guess what. She had a choice to make. Take it or leave.

She could have divorced flood instead she chose to cheat on him.

Enough said. 

HM


----------



## happyman64

bfree said:


> Between my first marriage and my second I would have been what most here would call a player. I did not date married women, at least none that I knew of. My marriage is solid and because I sowed my oats I don't have any desire to re enter the dating scene. One thing that I can say about those days is that I know I always have options and so does my wife. I think that keeps both of us engaged in the marriage because we know that staying together is a choice. Just because Flood was what some might call a player doesn't mean a damned thing. Just because you once bedded a lot of women doesn't mean that's what you'll always do or do again.


Why bfree I am shocked!


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

bfree said:


> Between my first marriage and my second I would have been what most here would call a player. I did not date married women, at least none that I knew of. My marriage is solid and because I sowed my oats I don't have any desire to re enter the dating scene. One thing that I can say about those days is that I know I always have options and so does my wife. I think that keeps both of us engaged in the marriage because we know that staying together is a choice. Just because Flood was what some might call a player doesn't mean a damned thing. *Just because you once bedded a lot of women doesn't mean that's what you'll always do or do again.*


Then the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" is equally ridiculous?


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: She asked me out.*



happyman64 said:


> Why bfree I am shocked!


So were the women when I kicked them out of bed and they realized they weren't "THE ONE." They should have known there is no such thing as "THE ONE." The painful truth was that they were just the next one, and then they weren't. So sad, too bad.


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: She asked me out.*



Plan 9 from OS said:


> Then the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" is equally ridiculous?


Yes it is. Cheating is a choice just like marriage. You can choose to cheat and you can choose not to. It's just really that simple.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

bfree said:


> Yes it is. Cheating is a choice just like marriage. You can choose to cheat and you can choose not to. It's just really that simple.


I agree.


----------



## Csquare

happyman64 said:


> CSquare
> 
> He might have allowed her to feel that way. But that is conjecture on your part. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. Only his wife or Flood can answer that.
> 
> But guess what. She had a choice to make. Take it or leave.
> 
> She could have divorced flood instead she chose to cheat on him.
> 
> Enough said.
> 
> HM


You have a point, Happy. She did have a choice, I guess. But maybe in her mind, she felt her options for getting through to him were limited because there is a kid involved. 

It takes some nerve to leave a marriage and force your kids into a broken home. Maybe the affair was a *lame* attempt on her part to get his attention.


----------



## happyman64

Csquare said:


> You have a point, Happy. She did have a choice, I guess. But maybe in her mind, she felt her options for getting through to him were limited because there is a kid involved.
> 
> It takes some nerve to leave a marriage and force your kids into a broken home. Maybe the affair was a *lame* attempt on her part to get his attention.


"Lame" is the right word.

All she had to do was take their son and move out. That would have gotten his attention.

Sadly, his wife is a damaged person. She is learning a life lesson the hard way.

But worse than that is Flood is leaning his own lesson. Because he divorced a woman that he still loves.

How is that for a tough situation. No one wins. They both lose.

And that is what truly sucks.

HM


----------



## TopsyTurvy5

jack.c said:


> From what i remember he was a player BEFORE marriege, but after married he never chaeted- correct me if i'm wrong.
> Then again he toke action to move forward, if his exw needs the drama and cant get over it, well..... thats her problem!
> She is punishing herself NOT HIM!
> so yeah.....
> alpha is not a person who shows muscles, its a person who stands by his morals, and does not allow anything or anyone to affect it.
> Alpha is taking action and letting that talk for him.


His morals? For what? Having sex with various women, including those who have cheated on him? The woman who wants to get back together, but he doesn't so he just has sex with her? The one where he doesn't allow himself to be emotionally involved but he doesn't tell her? 

I mean kudos to Flood for kicking her out when she cheated, but after that his choices have no moral high ground.


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: She asked me out.*



TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I mean kudos to Flood for kicking her out when she cheated, but after that his choices have no moral high ground.


Moral high ground be damned. After that kind of trauma it's all about survival.


----------



## xakulax

The moral high ground is a fallacy In which a person assumes a "holier-than-thou" attitude in an attempt to make himself or herself look good to win an argument.


He did what he had to do to gain some equilibrium something every BS dose when face with this kind situation and it may differ from person to person its totally understandable and respectful IMO.


----------



## sidney2718

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Then a whole bunch of you better recheck your assumptions. If the Flood is allowed to be perceived in a different light now and not be painted by his prior sins, then why can't so many of the WS's be given the same chance? I've read too many times on here that "once a cheater, always a cheater" is a real. It's tangible and has utility in determining future decisions in the realm of love. If most of you can overlook the serial cheater that the Flood was prior to marriage, then why can't a WS be treated with more compassion on this forum? I know a handful are already. But the way I see it, there are too many people on here who want to rip a WS to shreds before ever hearing both sides of a story and assume the WS is pure evil while the BS is pure goodness.
> 
> See what I did there? I took snippets of the Flood's story and ran with what most people think are the "important parts". Once a cheater, always a cheater...right?


But those rules only apply when the wife cheats. If the man cheats it is a whole other story.


----------



## sidney2718

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Then the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" is equally ridiculous?


Of course it is. So is the alpha/beta business. The Flood is an alpha and he got cheated on.

I think that there is no excuse for infidelity. But I think that infidelity very rarely happens in a vacuum. If folks want to save their marriage (or recreate it after divorce) they MUST pay attention to what was wrong in the marriage in the first place. If that isn't cured, the marriage can't be saved.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5

xakulax said:


> The moral high ground is a fallacy In which a person assumes a "holier-than-thou" attitude in an attempt to make himself or herself look good to win an argument.
> 
> 
> He did what he had to do to gain some equilibrium something every BS dose when face with this kind situation and it may differ from person to person its totally understandable and respectful IMO.


I understand it, but it is not morally right, as someone mentioned.

It is interesting/sad to read all the back patting from other BHs and from Flood. I mean, they enjoy the revenge aspect. This isn't about putting things right, growing, moving forward, etc.. It is solely about revenge. Heck, Flood has stated this several times in his posts. Revenge is considered the moral high ground? Since when?

He could have gained equilibrium by moving on and telling his ex that she wasn't good enough for him, he deserves to be with someone better than her, and then finding someone better. Now THAT would have given him some equilibrium and it would have provided an ego boost. It would not have involved ego boosting revenge with a lack of emotional involvement/controlling, which I realize is not popular with BHs on this board.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5

sidney2718 said:


> Of course it is. So is the alpha/beta business. The Flood is an alpha and he got cheated on.
> 
> I think that there is no excuse for infidelity. But I think that infidelity very rarely happens in a vacuum. If folks want to save their marriage (or recreate it after divorce) they MUST pay attention to what was wrong in the marriage in the first place. If that isn't cured, the marriage can't be saved.


Absolutely! I see so many BHs on this board who think they would not have been cheated on if they were more alpha. Flood is like a caricature of an alpha male and see where that got him. 

A marriage, like any partnership, requires two sides working together. If things fall apart, the reasoning is typically complex and involving issues on both sides. Where has Flood accepted his responsibility? What has he done to change, grow, adapt, etc...? He hasn't because he believes he hasn't done anything wrong. How do I know that? Because his behavior, as he has described it, has not changed.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5

xakulax said:


> The moral high ground is a fallacy In which a person assumes a "holier-than-thou" attitude in an attempt to make himself or herself look good to win an argument.
> 
> 
> He did what he had to do to gain some equilibrium something every BS dose when face with this kind situation and it may differ from person to person its totally understandable and respectful IMO.


I just have to ask, how is his behavior respectful? 

He can hook up with whoever he wants, not give any emotional connection, use his ex, control her behavior, not change any past behaviors, etc...but she has to not date anyone else, be okay with him having sex with other people, do what he says, etc...you see this as respectful? 

Sure, she may go along with it, but it isn't respectful. Some people went along with slavery, but that doesn't make it right.


----------



## xakulax

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I understand it, but it is not morally right, as someone mentioned.
> 
> It is interesting/sad to read all the back patting from other BHs and from Flood. I mean, they enjoy the revenge aspect. This isn't about putting things right, growing, moving forward, etc.. It is solely about revenge. Heck, Flood has stated this several times in his posts. Revenge is considered the moral high ground? Since when?
> 
> *He could have gained equilibrium by moving on and telling his ex that she wasn't good enough for him, he deserves to be with someone better than her, and then finding someone better*. Now THAT would have given him some equilibrium and it would have provided an ego boost. It would not have involved ego boosting revenge with a lack of emotional involvement/controlling, which I realize is not popular with BHs on this board.




Personally I would agree with you I would have done exactly that if faced with that situation but i'm not him he responded in the way that works best for him.


----------



## xakulax

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I just have to ask, how is his behavior respectful?
> 
> He can hook up with whoever he wants, not give any emotional connection, use his ex, control her behavior, not change any past behaviors, etc...but she has to not date anyone else, be okay with him having sex with other people, do what he says, etc...you see this as respectful?
> 
> Sure, she may go along with it, but it isn't respectful. Some people went along with slavery, but that doesn't make it right.



Hmmm you might have a point some time its best to cut your loses and just move on.


----------



## manfromlamancha

I am not sure what the Flood bashing is all about but I read all his threads again and thought that he handled himself very well. He was a player before marriage. Het met and fell madly in love with his (now ex)wife. He was completely faithful to her during their marriage. He is somebody who leaps into burning buildings and rescues people (and for that he has my eternal respect and gratitude). She did something pretty vile and he saw pictures! He spared the OMW seeing the pics out of consideration for her feelings. He divorced her but makes sure that custody is fair. He went out with other women after this. And suddenly he is the subject of this discussion as being someone who did not behave completely honourably????

For what its worth (and I will probably get slammed for this here) I do believe that he is still madly in love with his ex-wife and she with him. What she did was sh!tty in trying to match up to his (premarital) player status except that she did it during their marriage. From what I understand they are both very attractive to the opposite sex. And so we slam him because he is still attracted to and in love with his ex-wife.

I kind of hope that he gives her another chance because it is clear that they are nuts about each other. My 2 cents worth - let the slamming begin!


----------



## warlock07

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I just have to ask, how is his behavior respectful?
> 
> He can hook up with whoever he wants, not give any emotional connection, use his ex, control her behavior, not change any past behaviors, etc...*but she has to not date anyone else, be okay with him having sex with other people, do what he says*, etc...you see this as respectful?
> 
> Sure, she may go along with it, but it isn't respectful. Some people went along with slavery, but that doesn't make it right.


Only she did the same to him while still married to him only not telling him about it and putting him at risk for STDs. 

Also, are you implying that woman are inferior to men ? That his wife cannot make choices for herself ? 

She knows the deal and accepts it. There are people who live in polyamorous relationships. 

The respect part is giving her the complete truth about the situation and the complete freedom to make her own choice. Your definition of respectful isn't some kind of global standard.

If the wife did come to TAM, most people would recommend that she stop the R process until he stops seeing other people. But that is her decision to make.


----------



## jack.c

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> His morals? For what?



I think you might want to re-read this part.... i was saying my opinion upon what an alpha is.... not only refering to flood.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5

jack.c said:


> I think you might want to re-read this part.... i was saying my opinion upon what an alpha is.... not only refering to flood.


So alphas in general don't have morals?


----------



## TopsyTurvy5

warlock07 said:


> Only she did the same to him while still married to him only not telling him about it and putting him at risk for STDs.
> 
> Also, are you implying that woman are inferior to men ? That his wife cannot make choices for herself ?
> 
> She knows the deal and accepts it. There are people who live in polyamorous relationships.
> 
> The respect part is giving her the complete truth about the situation and the complete freedom to make her own choice. Your definition of respectful isn't some kind of global standard.
> 
> If the wife did come to TAM, most people would recommend that she stop the R process until he stops seeing other people. But that is her decision to make.


So let's be clear, I am NOT defending what she did. EVER. 

What it sounds like you are saying is, if you can take advantage of someone, then you should absolutely do that. (We are talking about adults, but that should go without saying.) Is that correct? Or if someone makes a mistake, then by all means, treat them like sh*t and take advantage of them if they let you? Just trying to understand what you are saying, because it sounds pretty sick at this point.

Answer me this, if you love someone, does it make sense to try to control them, be emotionally unavailable, take whatever you want from them? How about if you know it will most likely hurt the other person in the long run. As long as they aren't openly complaining, then do whatever the f*ck you want to, right?

I know, I know... she's an adult. Sigh.. Actually neither of these people are acting much like an adult.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I've read the Flood thread from awhile back plus seen his comments in other threads. He was a player before he married - even dating married women. He became a player again after his wife cheated on him. So while I must say that he handled his cheating wife situation in way that would make him a rock star among the other BH's in the forum, you can also say that the dude simply got run over by the karma bus too.
> 
> I have no idea how old the Flood is or when he was a player prior to getting married, but "in another life" the vast majority of BS's on this forum would be screaming for this guy's head. "Post him on cheaterville!" and calls like that would be common. But now that the Flood was a victim of cheating, he's now a "brother in arms".
> 
> *I like the Flood as a poster on this board, but there would be NFW that I'd let this guy anywhere near my wife. Sorry dude, but that's the truth. I'd bet in real life the vast majority of you BH's wouldn't let this guy near your wives either.*


I have been thinking about this post for the past day or so, and at risk of coming across like Flood, I'm going to disagree. 

Now I'm not a BH, so I realize this changes things a bit, however, I wouldn't have a problem with Flood being near my wife. Here's why, 1.) I'm very confident that I am the better, highly desired man. That's a fact. 2.) If my wife ever wanted to be with someone who acted like him, I would never want to be with her again. She would be gone and most likely replaced fairly quickly, and she knows it. End of story.


----------



## jack.c

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> So alphas in general don't have morals?


i guess the things are 2: 1- i cant express myself correctly, 2- you trying to provocate me by playing dumb.


----------



## bfree

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> So alphas in general don't have morals?


There is no such thing as an alpha. Each and every one of us is both alpha and beta (hate those terms) traits in various degrees and amounts. The problem is not are you alpha or beta but are you balanced.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5

jack.c said:


> i guess the things are 2: 1- i cant express myself correctly, 2- you trying to provocate me by playing dumb.


I honestly didn't understand what you were trying to say.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5

bfree said:


> There is no such thing as an alpha. Each and every one of us is both alpha and beta (hate those terms) traits in various degrees and amounts. The problem is not are you alpha or beta but are you balanced.


I agree.


----------



## manfromlamancha

bfree said:


> There is no such thing as an alpha. Each and every one of us is both alpha and beta (hate those terms) traits in various degrees and amounts. The problem is not are you alpha or beta but are you balanced.


I prefer to be called an Epsilon or maybe even a Sigma or Delta but definitely not a Gamma, Tau of Psi.

Whats with all these Greek alphabet labels anyway ?


----------



## LongWalk

> So, just like 10 minutes ago I got a call from her. It was pertaining to our kid and then she asked me out on a date, lol. Now, she has been trying to bang me for months. It started on D-day and it really hasn't stopped. Although the last few weeks leading up to a divorce- (that was finalized last week) she was going from angry super diva b!tch on wheels too, I can't live without you I need you type person. So... Yeah. Now I said, "on your dollar homeslice, I might consider it". And she said, "Well yeah, silly bear that's why I'm asking you". I said "where"? and she was like "anywhere you want" So I said a restaurant that is five star and famous. And she agreed.
> 
> Now, I'm not inclined to miss out on a 5 star meal. I mean for a lonely ole' civil servant that maybe pulls in 50 grand a year, this sounds pretty good. And plus, I think I just need to bang her out a bit. Really, I can't think of any reason not to do this. Divorce is done and done. Marriage is dissolved.
> 
> So.... Yeah, I think it's a great idea.
> 
> So TAM. Am I in the clear here. Or am I batsh!t nuts just like my ex, lol.
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> I know this opening doors for crazy stuff to happen. But in all honesty, I do really, really miss her.


Just in case you forgot the first post.


----------



## sidney2718

manfromlamancha said:


> I am not sure what the Flood bashing is all about but I read all his threads again and thought that he handled himself very well. He was a player before marriage. Het met and fell madly in love with his (now ex)wife. He was completely faithful to her during their marriage. He is somebody who leaps into burning buildings and rescues people (and for that he has my eternal respect and gratitude). She did something pretty vile and he saw pictures! He spared the OMW seeing the pics out of consideration for her feelings. He divorced her but makes sure that custody is fair. He went out with other women after this. And suddenly he is the subject of this discussion as being someone who did not behave completely honourably????
> 
> For what its worth (and I will probably get slammed for this here) I do believe that he is still madly in love with his ex-wife and she with him. What she did was sh!tty in trying to match up to his (premarital) player status except that she did it during their marriage. From what I understand they are both very attractive to the opposite sex. And so we slam him because he is still attracted to and in love with his ex-wife.
> 
> I kind of hope that he gives her another chance because it is clear that they are nuts about each other. My 2 cents worth - let the slamming begin!


I think you've summed it up very well. What was sh!tty about it was that he kept telling himself (and us) that there was NO WAY he was going to get back together with her. So it isn't exactly like sleeping with another woman.

But I also agree that from his reactions I think there is some hints of love there. Perhaps they will date again?

See, I'm not bashing you. If you insist I can go back and re-edit this...


----------



## sidney2718

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> So alphas in general don't have morals?


Of course they do, they follow THEIR own moral code. That's the thing about being an alpha, they don't have to think too much about pleasing other people...


----------



## sidney2718

jack.c said:


> i guess the things are 2: 1- i cant express myself correctly, 2- you trying to provocate me by playing dumb.


Nah. I think that you just walked into a long term debate here running across many threads. It is a "discussion" about what an alpha really is and how an alpha really reacts. That is, it is about those things when it hasn't drifted off into something else.


----------



## TheFlood117

Wow, I had no clue that this thread would get so much recent attention and scrutiny. First off, my wife is an incredible person, I've said how good of a person she is, despite her cheating, before. I am not punishing her at all, she made a terribly stupid yet purposeful choice, to cheat on me. It was a deal breaker, this was established by both of us when we began dating- (fvcking other people was a no, no. Period.)

I just kept to the agreement so to speak. Now, have I been cold and demonstrative a bit. Yeah. But that's just kinda my personality when something like this has happened. But I am not punishing her at all. I want nothing but the best for her and for her to continue to be a great mother. If that means, that her and I have no contact at all, then that would be fine. I am not coercing her or forcing her to see me sexually at all. She initiates it most of the time. Now, she is using it to get me back, that I have no doubt of, and I'm okay with that. I know it's not easy for her too, but at the end of the day it was her choice to cheat. Just as it was my choice to file, and it's my choice to continue to see her sexually. But it's her choice here. I'm not forcing her to do anything. As far as putting her on the rotation, again I'm totally up front with her about this, I'm not forcing her at all. She just wants a piece. So she gets a slice every now and then. 


As far as my past. I've a lot of women, it is what it is, and I don't regret it at all. Many were married, I was a player to the max and a dog. I cheated on "girlfriends" that I lied to. And so on and so on. I was a real piece of work, clear tell I was about 24. So I do think it's karma, I've said so before. Now, I didn't deserved (no one does) to be cheated on, but I kinda "had it coming" I guess (although, I've been cheated on in the past). It's really to bad that the love of my life did it to me. But, it happened and I moved on. 

As far as the present, I'm pretty sure that all the chicks I've had since I filed and kicked WW out, are single. I don't actively seek out married woman. I have no desire to be the "other man" ever. EVER. Again. 

I appreciate everyone's comments and concerns and opinions on this thread and about my situation. TAM has been a great place to vent and collect my thoughts about my marriage and my exes affair. I have a pretty cut and dry "policy" when dealing with a cheating wife. However, that doesn't mean it would work for everyone nor does it mean that I don't respect and value others perspectives on said subject. 


As always, thanks TAM. 

And as always, stay classy TAM.


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## illwill

Alphas rarely come to TAM. And they never come to CWI. Flood is no alpha.

Alphas exist, but they are rare like Haley's Comet. And they dont need advice from strangers on the internet.

I like this version of Flood. But if he turned me into a betrayed spouse the way he turned those poor S.O.B.'s into one.

I would have destroyed him just like my ex wife's OM. 

And he likely would have learned his lesson. As my ex wifes OM recenty confided in me.

Karma took care of Flood, even though the betrayed husbands never got to. He did not deserve to be cheated on. But life is full of surprising checks and balances. 

As for his wife, its a sad tale that she is the author of. A better man would respect his sons Mother more. But... it is what it is. 

At least he is giving her a honesty she did not afford him during her affair.


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## TheFlood117

illwill said:


> Alphas rarely come to TAM. And they never come to CWI. Flood is no alpha.
> 
> Alphas exist, but they are rare like Haley's Comet. And they dont need advice from strangers on the internet.
> 
> I like this version of Flood. But if he turned me into a betrayed spouse the way he turned those poor S.O.B.'s into one.
> 
> I would have destroyed him just like my ex wife's OM.
> 
> And he likely would have learned his lesson. As my ex wifes OM recenty confided in me.
> 
> Karma took care of Flood, even though the betrayed husbands never got to. He did not deserve to be cheated on. But life is full of surprising checks and balances.
> 
> As for his wife, its a sad tale that she is the author of. A better man would respect his sons Mother more. But... it is what it is.
> 
> At least he is giving her a honesty she did not afford him during her affair.



Pretty much. I played with fire when I was younger and I did get burned. Once. And it had a profound impact on how I viewed how I was living. But yeah, like I said. I was a real POS and player back in the day. But I did change.I was completely faithful in relationship with my ex. I expected the same from her. But.... Life happens I guess.

And I'm not a good man. I just hang out with good people. 


Although I do run into burning buildings when 99 percent of "Men" run away screaming and acting all scared and stuff. So... I guess there's that. But it's a real rush, so I get a lot out of it. I respect my wife. She's a great person and an amazing mother. And for that, I will always be thankful.


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## illwill

Well said.


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## TopsyTurvy5

TheFlood117 said:


> Wow, I had no clue that this thread would get so much recent attention and scrutiny. First off, my wife is an incredible person, I've said how good of a person she is, despite her cheating, before. I am not punishing her at all, she made a terribly stupid yet purposeful choice, to cheat on me. It was a deal breaker, this was established by both of us when we began dating- (fvcking other people was a no, no. Period.)
> 
> I just kept to the agreement so to speak. Now, have I been cold and demonstrative a bit. Yeah. But that's just kinda my personality when something like this has happened. But I am not punishing her at all. I want nothing but the best for her and for her to continue to be a great mother. If that means, that her and I have no contact at all, then that would be fine. *I am not coercing her or forcing her to see me sexually at all. She initiates it most of the time. Now, she is using it to get me back, that I have no doubt of, and I'm okay with that. I know it's not easy for her too, but at the end of the day it was her choice to cheat. Just as it was my choice to file, and it's my choice to continue to see her sexually. But it's her choice here. I'm not forcing her to do anything.* As far as putting her on the rotation, again I'm totally up front with her about this, I'm not forcing her at all. She just wants a piece. So she gets a slice every now and then.
> 
> 
> *As far as my past. I've a lot of women, it is what it is, and I don't regret it at all. Many were married, I was a player to the max and a dog. I cheated on "girlfriends" that I lied to.* And so on and so on. I was a real piece of work, clear tell I was about 24. So I do think it's karma, I've said so before. Now, I didn't deserved (no one does) to be cheated on, but I kinda "had it coming" I guess (although, I've been cheated on in the past). It's really to bad that the love of my life did it to me. But, it happened and I moved on.
> 
> As far as the present, I'm pretty sure that all the chicks I've had since I filed and kicked WW out, are single. I don't actively seek out married woman. I have no desire to be the "other man" ever. EVER. Again.
> 
> I appreciate everyone's comments and concerns and opinions on this thread and about my situation. TAM has been a great place to vent and collect my thoughts about my marriage and my exes affair. I have a pretty cut and dry "policy" when dealing with a cheating wife. However, that doesn't mean it would work for everyone nor does it mean that I don't respect and value others perspectives on said subject.
> 
> 
> As always, thanks TAM.
> 
> And as always, stay classy TAM.



Check the bold. You don't respect women, so thy ultimately won't respect you. They my f*ck you, but that won't keep them faithful. I keep wondering what you have changed about your behavior from your wife's affair. I see you maybe being slightly less emotionally involved but just as controlling. Are you thinking that it was simply a case of her being a "bad" woman and you being faultless?


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## TheFlood117

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Check the bold. You don't respect women, so thy ultimately won't respect you. They my f*ck you, but that won't keep them faithful. I keep wondering what you have changed about your behavior from your wife's affair. I see you maybe being slightly less emotionally involved but just as controlling. Are you thinking that it was simply a case of her being a "bad" woman and you being faultless?



Huh? I think your projecting here homeslice. 

First, lets get some facts straight. 

She is not my wife. EX Wife. 

I am not, in any way, responsible for her affair(NO Betrayed spouse IS EVER RESPONSIBLE FOR THE AFFAIR). I own half of the problems/issue in the marriage. But the affair is all on her. My behavior since my wife's affair??? Um gee, let me think on that one for sec. Oh yeah, I'm single and play the field. I NEVER CHEATED DURING MY MARRIAGE. That would be a big one. Of couse my behavior is different. I'm not married anymore, lol. Wow. 

I respect my ex. Again, I've said it before. My ex is a great person, at her core, and a great mother, highly intelligent, and insanely beautiful. However.... she did the one thing that literally was a point of no return action. She fvcked another guy. Therefore, I ditched her and divorced her. She is not a "bahd woman" lulz. She just went full retard and did something really, really stupid. But it was a choice and she lied, so... I booted her a$$ to the curb and blew up her life a bit. Just a bit. 

I see my ex sexually, at her leisure. She knows I see other women. She's okay with it. Now, for example, about 2 months ago, she threw a b!tch fit and basically said, "Well if you get to see other women, then I get to see other men". I said, if that's your choice, then that's fine. I urged her not bring them around are son-(as is agreed in the divorce decree for 1 year at least). Then she said, "so we can still see each other?"

I said. "No. I don't share". Now, she said I was a jerk, blah, blah and she's gonna go ahead and date, blah, blah. And I said, "okay that's fine. It's been fun. Good luck. Bye." 

It lasted about half a day before she called me and said she isn't going to see any other guys, lol and she was back on the good stuff. I have this affect on women. 

That does not mean I do not respect them. Just because I can score 8s and 9s for daaayzzz doesn't mean I don't value women or respect them. Respect is earned, not given. Therefore, you get what you put in to it, so to speak. Get the drift?

I was basically raised by my mother, my father was on assignments for weeks and weeks at a time, clear tell I was around 13ish. I have an incredibly strong bond with my mother and she taught me how to treat and respect people in general. Now, when I was young I was just a tool and douche, but when I grew up I truly stayed faithful and loved my marriage with my ex wife. However, I do enjoy being single and having many women. I'm not looking for an exclusive relationship nor do I plan to in the future

I just have fun with them and they with me. 

I respect my ex wife and value her as a intricate part in my sons life. Hence, why I agreed on joint custody and she can see him whenever he wants to, even if it's not the "agreed upon" legal time of the custodial agreement. 

Again, I respect women. That are worthy of respect that is. The same goes with any person I've ever met, man or women.

I hope we're clear about this now. Cause there are other threads and other people on the forum that really do need help and advice, rather that arguing over semantics and gender and sex dynamics in this thread. I'm doing well, my son is doing well all is good with my situation for the most part. I still do not understand what spurred the outcry and borderline insulting post's on this thread that is like months and months overdo???


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## LongWalk

Flood,

Don't take offense. Your thread is very important for people because if you can have an exclusive relationship with your ex, but date other women, well, then you have achieved what Mach would call the harem. A man with a harem is a threat to monogamous marriage. Are you a worse threat than cheaters?

Marriage is on the decline. Divorce is on the rise. So maybe your relationship lifestyle is a pattern on the rise. It's not pleasant for B males or women who want marriage to a "fireman".

If your ex agrees to remain monogamous, how much sex do you have provide her to keep her happy?

You have told her that you use condoms with other women, yes?

Do you have any desire for her to live with you and your son? You are primary custodian, right? What is the split time wise?

How do you imagine your son is going to feel in the future about his family?

She is happy with you as a father and visa versa. Is this bringing your closer? Are you taking vacations together?


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## manfromlamancha

Flood, is there any chance of you getting back together with your ex?


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## TopsyTurvy5

TheFlood117 said:


> Huh? I think your projecting here homeslice.
> 
> First, lets get some facts straight.
> 
> She is not my wife. EX Wife.
> 
> I am not, in any way, responsible for her affair(NO Betrayed spouse IS EVER RESPONSIBLE FOR THE AFFAIR). I own half of the problems/issue in the marriage. But the affair is all on her. My behavior since my wife's affair??? Um gee, let me think on that one for sec. Oh yeah, I'm single and play the field. I NEVER CHEATED DURING MY MARRIAGE. That would be a big one. Of couse my behavior is different. I'm not married anymore, lol. Wow.
> 
> I respect my ex. Again, I've said it before. My ex is a great person, at her core, and a great mother, highly intelligent, and insanely beautiful. However.... she did the one thing that literally was a point of no return action. She fvcked another guy. Therefore, I ditched her and divorced her. She is not a "bahd woman" lulz. She just went full retard and did something really, really stupid. But it was a choice and she lied, so... I booted her a$$ to the curb and blew up her life a bit. Just a bit.
> 
> I see my ex sexually, at her leisure. She knows I see other women. She's okay with it. Now, for example, about 2 months ago, she threw a b!tch fit and basically said, "Well if you get to see other women, then I get to see other men". I said, if that's your choice, then that's fine. I urged her not bring them around are son-(as is agreed in the divorce decree for 1 year at least). Then she said, "so we can still see each other?"
> 
> I said. "No. I don't share". Now, she said I was a jerk, blah, blah and she's gonna go ahead and date, blah, blah. And I said, "okay that's fine. It's been fun. Good luck. Bye."
> 
> It lasted about half a day before she called me and said she isn't going to see any other guys, lol and she was back on the good stuff. I have this affect on women.
> 
> That does not mean I do not respect them. Just because I can score 8s and 9s for daaayzzz doesn't mean I don't value women or respect them. Respect is earned, not given. Therefore, you get what you put in to it, so to speak. Get the drift?
> 
> I was basically raised by my mother, my father was on assignments for weeks and weeks at a time, clear tell I was around 13ish. I have an incredibly strong bond with my mother and she taught me how to treat and respect people in general. Now, when I was young I was just a tool and douche, but when I grew up I truly stayed faithful and loved my marriage with my ex wife. However, I do enjoy being single and having many women. I'm not looking for an exclusive relationship nor do I plan to in the future
> 
> I just have fun with them and they with me.
> 
> I respect my ex wife and value her as a intricate part in my sons life. Hence, why I agreed on joint custody and she can see him whenever he wants to, even if it's not the "agreed upon" legal time of the custodial agreement.
> 
> Again, I respect women. That are worthy of respect that is. The same goes with any person I've ever met, man or women.
> 
> I hope we're clear about this now. Cause there are other threads and other people on the forum that really do need help and advice, rather that arguing over semantics and gender and sex dynamics in this thread. I'm doing well, my son is doing well all is good with my situation for the most part. I still do not understand what spurred the outcry and borderline insulting post's on this thread that is like months and months overdo???


Homeslice? Did you really call me Homeslice? What are you, a 15 year old from the Hood?

As I said before, what your ex did was wrong and always will be. However, it sounds like there were issues between the two of you before the OW entered the picture. Those issues are the ones you don't seem to have addressed. Why is that? 

Listen, in my opinion, you are in deep denial. You may think it is just sex between your ex and you, but SHE doesn't and you know it. You can tell yourself, _She is an adult,_ but you are taking advantage of the situation. It doesn't matter if someone lets you take advantage of them, it is still disrespectful and some would say morally wrong. In my opinion it is preying on the weak. You think you are giving her sex and that is her "prize" which is nonsense. She wants to get back together with you, so she'll sacrifice her self esteem and self worth. And shockingly, you're cool with that. 

I have said my peace and I'm about done. 

Just an observation- the amount of BHs that are back slapping Flood is sad, in my opinion. The ex sounds broken to me, the boy is left without the family he had, and Flood was disrespected and cheated on, yet many just seem to want to focus on the revenge aspect after the divorce. That just strikes me as sad.


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## happyman64

TopsyTurvy

What you see as revenge is in fact a BS moving on with his life.

He is still a great Dad.

But he is his own man.

And while you think he is playing with his exwife she is in no way controlled by Flood.

She is free to walk away from him at anytime. Flood has made that clear.

Flood is right however. Others need the help right now.

HM


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## bfree

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Homeslice? Did you really call me Homeslice? What are you, a 15 year old from the Hood?


Actually, I thought it was pretty damned funny. :rofl:


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## bfree

Flood, you are living your own life on your terms. That is what we all should be doing if we want to be happy. I just want to say thank you for the work that you do. We just had a tragedy here in the Boston area where two men lost their lives fighting a vicious fire. It takes a special person with a different mindset and heart to do what you all do. God bless you and all those that risk their lives for others.


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## WhiteRaven

I'm living the same lifestyle as Flood. Only difference is I won't touch my xWW even with a 10 feet pole.


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## U.E. McGill

Floods a ****ing hero and should be set as an example to all these guys who's WW are cake eating and running them through the wringer. 

A great example of a world of plenty.


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## TopsyTurvy5

bfree said:


> Actually, I thought it was pretty damned funny. :rofl:



Thanks for your insightful response. :scratchhead:


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## TopsyTurvy5

WhiteRaven said:


> I'm living the same lifestyle as Flood. Only difference is I won't touch my xWW even with a 10 feet pole.


See, it can be done!:smthumbup:


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## WhiteRaven

A WS thinks he/she smarter, more attractive than their BS and deserve someone better, ie the OM. As soon as the BS gets over the WS, the WS gets a system shock. BS starts getting more mates, WS goes bonkers. It's from my personal experience.


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## WhiteRaven

WhiteRaven said:


> I'm living the same lifestyle as Flood. Only difference is I won't touch my xWW even with a 10 feet pole.


I won't sleep with her because I find her totally disgusting. She used sex to manipulate me. Should I give her another chance? He!! no.


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## sidney2718

TheFlood117 said:


> Huh? I think your projecting here homeslice.
> 
> First, lets get some facts straight.
> 
> She is not my wife. EX Wife.
> 
> I am not, in any way, responsible for her affair(NO Betrayed spouse IS EVER RESPONSIBLE FOR THE AFFAIR). I own half of the problems/issue in the marriage. But the affair is all on her. My behavior since my wife's affair??? Um gee, let me think on that one for sec. Oh yeah, I'm single and play the field. I NEVER CHEATED DURING MY MARRIAGE. That would be a big one. Of couse my behavior is different. I'm not married anymore, lol. Wow.
> 
> I respect my ex. Again, I've said it before. My ex is a great person, at her core, and a great mother, highly intelligent, and insanely beautiful. However.... she did the one thing that literally was a point of no return action. She fvcked another guy. Therefore, I ditched her and divorced her. She is not a "bahd woman" lulz. She just went full retard and did something really, really stupid. But it was a choice and she lied, so... I booted her a$$ to the curb and blew up her life a bit. Just a bit.
> 
> I see my ex sexually, at her leisure. She knows I see other women. She's okay with it. Now, for example, about 2 months ago, she threw a b!tch fit and basically said, "Well if you get to see other women, then I get to see other men". I said, if that's your choice, then that's fine. I urged her not bring them around are son-(as is agreed in the divorce decree for 1 year at least). Then she said, "so we can still see each other?"
> 
> I said. "No. I don't share". Now, she said I was a jerk, blah, blah and she's gonna go ahead and date, blah, blah. And I said, "okay that's fine. It's been fun. Good luck. Bye."
> 
> It lasted about half a day before she called me and said she isn't going to see any other guys, lol and she was back on the good stuff. I have this affect on women.
> 
> That does not mean I do not respect them. Just because I can score 8s and 9s for daaayzzz doesn't mean I don't value women or respect them. Respect is earned, not given. Therefore, you get what you put in to it, so to speak. Get the drift?


Here's the problem in a nutshell. You are still controlling your ex-wife's sex life and you are still letting her think that possibly the two of you have a future.

You control her by cutting off sex with your ex if she sees anyone else. But you can see who you like as often as you like. You do this because you can. If your wife had more spirit she might cut off the sex, but she holds onto it because she thinks it gives her hope for reconciliation.

And that's the second point. You have got to clearly tell her that you will never ever remarry her or enter into an exclusive relationship with her. Then you can ask her to take her clothes off.


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## LongWalk

Sidney,

Flood's wife has winning him back as a goal. She may accept that he will not marry and her desire is to have him be an SO in a monogamous LTR. Her strategy now is to have sex often and out compete rivals.

The longer she does it the greater her chances of success. Also, Flood did not mention it but they have a child and when sleeps over they must be eating pancakes together. That is a strong attraction: a sexually enthusiastic, loving woman and a happy son.

It may be an even happier state than marriage.


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## sidney2718

LongWalk said:


> Sidney,
> 
> Flood's wife has winning him back as a goal. She may accept that he will not marry and her desire is to have him be an SO in a monogamous LTR. Her strategy now is to have sex often and out compete rivals.
> 
> The longer she does it the greater her chances of success. Also, Flood did not mention it but they have a child and when sleeps over they must be eating pancakes together. That is a strong attraction: a sexually enthusiastic, loving woman and a happy son.
> 
> It may be an even happier state than marriage.


Thanks. I understand better now. What I'm harping on is simple fairness. As long as she explicitly knows, then she's operating from full information and I have no problems at all with it. If she doesn't know, she's being manipulated even if she is willing to be manipulated.

And yes, I agree. The longer it goes on, the stronger the new relationship gets.


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## Singledude21

Don't really see the problem here. Flood has moved on with his life, and she asked to be a piece of his new life. That's her choice. He told her what the deal is and she agreed anyway to being in the situation with him she is now.

Hell, she might think with what she did, she's lucky that he still considers her someone worth connecting with. Lots of folks would only be thinking of their cheating ex strapped to a railroad about to get that karma train....with no brakes.

She gets to spend the night from time to time, have complete quality time with her son and even get it in with the guy she sh*tted all over. That's some damn soft revenge if that's what it is.


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## BetrayedAgain7

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> It doesn't matter if someone lets you take advantage of them, it is still disrespectful and some would say morally wrong. In my opinion it is preying on the weak.


Oh please, if the genders were swapped around you wouldn't be calling it like that. Just because she is a woman doesn't mean she has any less of an emotional capability or capacity of discernment than a man does.

I'm a woman myself who was betrayed, but you sound to me like you are envious of The Flood's ability to see it and call it exactly as it should be called.

She is just about falling over herself to get into his pants. 

She is not some dumb animal that has no capacity to think for herself. 

Good on him I say.


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## happyman64

So Flood do you care to give a 6 month update on how you are?

How your son is doing?

And how you have been coparenting with your Ex?

HM


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## thummper

Yes, it would be nice to know how you two are doing. I remember you told us she asked you out on a date. Are you developing any closer feelings for each other. You were pretty adamant that reconciliation was *never* to be in the cards, but, as the old saying goes, time heals all wounds. *If it just wasn't for those damn pictures! *  And, if you do come back here, would you please explain the significance of the picture you chose for your avatar? It's probably as obvious as the nose on my face, but for the life of me I can't figure out what it is.


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## Calibre1212

WorkingOnMe said:


> Just don't spend the night. And cover it up.


:lol: :rofl:


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## chillymorn

yuck.

why not just move on both of you already.


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## ButtPunch

Well done Flood.

You need to teach a BS class at the local university.


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