# Suggestions ANYONE!



## JustJennAgain (Feb 1, 2012)

Hi Im Jenn..
My Husband Left Me 12/31 , And Filed For Divorce on 1/27 
i was served papers today..=*(

and i want him to change his mind.. 
after reading everyone elses stories about there divorce and what there going through, the cheating the abuse.. 

I DONT KNOW WHY HE DONT WANT ME ANYMORE!!

Ok so i fuss about house work and money. i work two full time jobs.. while he goes to school full time i just needed some HELP around the house.. and when i was off work instead of enjoying time with my family i had to FUSS to get the house work dont or the groceries bought or the anything done.. I HATE i fussed i do.. id give ANYTHING to have a messy house right now =*(

Ive begged him to come home.. begged for counceling.. he says he is just exhausted from trying.. i say... trying takes more then just being here.. we have never went thru counceling before.. begged him before you totally check out.. lets see if someone can help us forgive the past and move forward to a happy future..

he said he dont "think" it would work.. i said you think or know.. he said think... i said do you know the difference he said yes.. knowing is certainty.. blahhh.. i understand breaking the cycle.. no more roller coaster rides but u can break the cycle and stay you dont have to break the cycle and walk away..
told him 
BELIEVE ME when I say... I have enough faith for two..
I love my husband.. FLAWS and all..
how do i make him see...


----------



## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

I am not being blunt, just honest here. 

This is my first post! But I have been lurking.

The fact of the matter is perception. You can not change peoples minds and perceptions on situations. You can only change yourself. If he has filed for divorce and has left you, you need to plan for a life without him, even if he comes back. Do not let yourself fall into a limbo area of waiting for someone to come home. You deserve a better life than that. It is time to live for you now. He made his choice, you can not change his mind, he has to want to do that himself.


----------



## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Most of us in this forum, at one point or another, wanted to beg and just do everything just so the "checked out" spouse would change his/her mind.
Believe me when I say, it will never work, and you will only humiliate your self in the long run.
Humility and humiliation are two very different things.
You wanted to do this because the pain you're feeling right now is so debilitating that you just want the hurting to stop.
I know it's hard to believe this, but someone who doesn't want to invest in the relationship, and runs at the slightest disagreement will always have the tendency to run. You don't want to be living a life as if you are walking on egg shell.
Take care of yourself, you are the only one who will care for you the best.


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Unlike the other posters I dont think you should give up. You are the one working to feed him so he should realize that.
Of course that makes you in the right. But a man cant really live with his wife like that 'being right'. 
You should do what you can to get him back. Offer him everything. If he believes you are genuine he will return.


----------



## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

I believe in fighting for your love, but "how to do it?" is another question. You sound like a great wife. Since you try begging and it doesn't work. You should go different route. 

Try talking to him nicely but don't beg. Whatever he says to you just agree and do not be defensive. See how he'll respond. Also show him that you are different and better.. Don't tell him that you changed, cause he won't believe you. Also if you don't know why he doesn't want you, then you should ask him that question. Ask him differently this time, maybe he'll answer you.


----------



## atomk12 (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi, 
I'm going to object my opinion her as a 39 year old man who has lived with someone like yourself in a similar relationship that has ended, but not for the same reason. When a man files for divorce its pretty much over. We are lazy when it comes to filing anything. If a man goes through the trouble of filing, he has moved on. There is little you can do to prove you've change because the fact is, you have not. You are simply putting aside your character to get back what you lost. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to have a woman like you. My wife was somewhat opposite. She did not want to work and preferred spending her time at school, but she was still a relentless nagger and for men this becomes old. Men move away from their mothers for this reason, so if this gives you some idea how annoying this is. If we would move away from our own mothers to get away from nagging, what does this say to our wives. Alright if you really really want him back, then it will take breaking him down. Invite him to dinner to a place that you may not like, but he does. Eat like a couple of friends and do not mention getting back together. Have a beer or a drink and show him that you can be calm, do not correct him, fix his shirt, offer to pay, answer your phone during dinner, or revert to anything that has to do with your previous relationship. Try this as many times as he will go out with you. This is your best chance to work your way back.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

atomk12 said:


> Hi,
> I'm going to object my opinion her as a 39 year old man who has lived with someone like yourself in a similar relationship that has ended, but not for the same reason. When a man files for divorce its pretty much over. We are lazy when it comes to filing anything. If a man goes through the trouble of filing, he has moved on. There is little you can do to prove you've change because the fact is, you have not. You are simply putting aside your character to get back what you lost. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to have a woman like you. My wife was somewhat opposite. She did not want to work and preferred spending her time at school, but she was still a relentless nagger and for men this becomes old. Men move away from their mothers for this reason, so if this gives you some idea how annoying this is. If we would move away from our own mothers to get away from nagging, what does this say to our wives. Alright if you really really want him back, then it will take breaking him down. Invite him to dinner to a place that you may not like, but he does. Eat like a couple of friends and do not mention getting back together. Have a beer or a drink and show him that you can be calm, do not correct him, fix his shirt, offer to pay, answer your phone during dinner, or revert to anything that has to do with your previous relationship. Try this as many times as he will go out with you. This is your best chance to work your way back.


I don't know. This relationship does not sound like a usual case of the nagging wife. She works 2 jobs, does the house work, grocery shopping and so forth. He goes to school full time. 

There seems to be no recognition on his part for the incredible support she has given to his goals and to his responsibilities in the household. 

He sounds more like a little boy looking for a mommy who never complains and takes care of him.


----------



## atomk12 (Feb 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I don't know. This relationship does not sound like a usual case of the nagging wife. She works 2 jobs, does the house work, grocery shopping and so forth. He goes to school full time.
> 
> There seems to be no recognition on his part for the incredible support she has given to his goals and to his responsibilities in the household.
> 
> He sounds more like a little boy looking for a mommy who never complains and takes care of him.


You forgot this part; 

BELIEVE ME when I say... I have enough faith for two..
I love my husband.. FLAWS and all..
how do i make him see...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

atomk12 said:


> You forgot this part;
> 
> BELIEVE ME when I say... I have enough faith for two..
> I love my husband.. FLAWS and all..
> how do i make him see...


Well no I did not forget that part. 

You did answered that question.

But her problems are much larger than that. Let's say she does seduce him back. She still has the same problem.... she will be the wife who all responsibility while her husband takes advantage. And now she will be afraid to ask for him to take responsibility for his part of the household cores. After all, that's nagging.


----------

