# Wife is listless and lazy during sex.



## Claude (Apr 16, 2010)

I discovered this forum just now, and I want to take an opportunity to ask for opinions on my situataion.

I seperated from my wife a little over a year ago, at the time the biggest motivation on my part was that the sex was infrequent and bad.

I entered into a relationship with another woman shortly after and I was quite frankly astounded. While she might not be considered as attractive as my wife she was athletic, energetic, willing to try anything, and generally took a lot of pride both in her appearance and her performance in bed. 

My wife and I reconciled a few months ago, I was quite emphatic that before I would move back in that our sex life would have to change.

To a certain extend she did change, she's willing to do things like oral and anal sex when I ask for them, we have sex daily and while the quantity is right it's her attitude during it that puts me off.

She does climax during sex, but she tends to just lie there with a total lack of energy. I think in a way it was how she developed sexually, she is extremely attractive and I don't think she ever had to work during sex before.

She's a full time mother, but bearing in mind that she has both an au pair and a housekeeper she doesn't have a lot of demands on her time.

Last night I had anal sex with her and I couldn't help but think what a dissapointing experience it was compared with earlier experiences. 

Even though though my previous girlfriend found anal sex struggle, she'd keep her head up and just show such energy and willingness during it, that it was always a spectacular experience.

My wife can't even be bothered even to support herself on her hands and knees, but prefers to lie over a pile of pillows and generally just act like a child..

Last week she showed a flurry of activity when I made clear how displeased I was getting with sex again... but I don't think it will last...


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

I think many women probably suffer from this same problem. It sounds like your wife is not tapping into her inner 'temptress'. I think that requires her understanding how much sexual power is granted to her just because she is a female! Women have much more power than they are (usually) aware of. 

One suggestion: Have you considered taking turns? Have one night a week where you explore her body and give her pleasure - and one night she does the same for you? Perhaps she doesn't understand her power because she doesn't understand your anatomy (most women don't - we just pull here, suck there and hope for results). 

It sounds like she's willing to show a 'flurry of activity' when you express displeasure. She may be willing to try this.

Can you & your wife speak plainly about sex? Try this - when you take your turn to give her pleasure (and you should go first), ask her for feedback. Talk while you're doing it - 'Do you like this?, Your skin is so soft here', etc. And be willing to talk to her when it is her turn - tell her what you like and how you like it. Empower her to know your body and please you.

Another way to tap into the temptress is with lingerie and since your wife is so attractive, she will probably be comfortable with it.

Wishing you the best!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I think a compromise is in order here.

Frankly, as much as I like sex, I don't think every experience has to be "stellar" and "energetic." There should be nothing wrong with just having a casual quickie or morning sexual escapade and your wife doesn't have to act like or be like a female in heat.

I do think part of being a man is to just say sometimes, "You know what - I want your body. I will enjoy it. You don't have to enjoy it this time. Thank you."

(and maybe I'll clean the garage in exchange  )

Now. . .on the flip side, I don't think she should always have to take one for the team either. She should initiate and you should initiate.

I don't know. . .I'd be careful here. . .it seems you are wielding sex over her as some power play. Maybe I am reading this wrong. . .just the tone of your post put me a little off - like, "I don't love her unless she drools over anal sex" or something.

She may sooner or later tell you to screw off and then there's ugly stuff with attorneys claiming you were sodomizing her, etc and a judge who doesn't know what to frankly beleive.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

I think it's kind of a talent, pretty or ugly, some women exude sexuality because it's natural for them while others just don't. That simple.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Everything is relative. I have sex 2-3 times a month and in fact only once in the last 6 weeks (+ a couple blowjobs). So if I could figure out a way for my wife to have sex everyday would make be happier then I've ever been in that regard. 

Some women climax easier or prefer to when they're quiet and focused. In fact my wife can rarely climax unless she's in a pretty relaxed position and usually entails be being on top, missionary with her lying pretty still. She can climax on top sometimes but it is harder.

If you found a woman that will work to please you on a daily or almost daily basis then you are one of the luckiest guys out there and a rare one for sure. I think you could communicate and simply ask for some more enthusiasm but you cannot expect everyday to be a sex adventure. And I think that even though your girlfriend seemed more enthusiastic that's usually how new relationships are. If you were to stay with her for years what are the chances your sex life would stay that same exciting thing you came to enjoy with her? I can talk to just about any married guy and he'll say that he had more sex, better sex earlier in the relationship compared to after they were married and had kids.


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## Claude (Apr 16, 2010)

There have been some interesting answers here.

I find it strange discussing my sex life with complete strangers but I suppose there's something to be achieved from it.

I have communicated with my wife and that's one of the reasons she's stopped playing games with how often we have sex. 

She also doesn't have any problems during sex, she gets aroused she climaxes relatively easily, even with the anal sex physically she doesn't have any problem and it goes in far easier than it has with previous women I've done it to.

To be honest she suffers in comparison with my girlfriend that I had while we were seperated, she in contrast to my wife was full of energy, while she wasn't as attractive as my wife, she was a far better lover. They're the same age, unlike my wife she had a job and a far more hectic life, yet somehow managed to take a lot more pride in her sexual performance.

Anal sex was a prime example, while my wife just grudgingly bends over for it, my ex in contrast while struggling a lot more to do it would lean against a wall and communicate what she was feeling, she'd communicate what she was feeling while I was doing it and she had this way of pushing back against me that felt amazing and leaves other sexual experiences in the dust.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Have you tried to get her wound up by being physically dominant with her? Like pinning her down while you have sex - being a little rough with her? 

Just asking because that makes my wife crazy. 

People who view sex as an opportunity to give pleasure make the best lovers. If both are givers - that is the best combo. 

Do you think she would be with you / be trying to please you sexually if you did not have the money for a nice lifestyle? Lets face it a housekeeper and an au pair for a stay at home mom is an unusually good deal. 




Claude said:


> I discovered this forum just now, and I want to take an opportunity to ask for opinions on my situataion.
> 
> I seperated from my wife a little over a year ago, at the time the biggest motivation on my part was that the sex was infrequent and bad.
> 
> ...


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