# I hate my husband



## spidergirl

Hi everyone,

I'm new here, I just needed some support because I have no one at all. 

I got married a few months ago and my life has been complete hell. I've only known my husband less than 2 years and we decided to get married, he's a few years older than me. Even before our wedding we had major issues but I kept thinking it's because we're so far apart (long distance relationship). But after getting married things have gotten a LOT worse. 

I never ever thought my husband would hurt me, but he did. First it was emotional abuse, but then he hit me. I left him at that point but we worked it out and I came back to him. Less than a month later he physically abused me again. I ran away from him at that point and since I have no family here (I got married and move away with him) I was all by myself, no money, no where to go. 

I knew he was looking for me, so I was hiding. But I didn't realize he had informed the police who were also looking for me. Eventually 2 cops found me and took me back to my house. I told them I didn't want to see my husband but I didn't tell them about the abuse because I don't want authorities involved. The cops asked my husband to stay in a hotel for the night and took his keys. So now here I am, all by myself, crying, with no one to talk to and not sure what to do.

I wish I had never met him or married him. I'm scared to divorce him though, because my parents and his parents think we have the perfect relationship. I can't hurt our parents, they'd be devastated. But at the same time, I can't go through with this anymore.. I'm not sure what to do... how do I get separated from him? Has anyone been in a similar sitation before? How do we fix this? Is there anyway to fix it? My husband says he's sorry and even told the police officers to tell me that he's sorry. 

He's not always bad to me, but when he gets upset even though it's not related to me, he takes his anger out on me. I dont' know what to do...

Thanks for listening...


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## MEM2020

Call your Dad. He will come and get you. He won't be hurt - he may want to hurt your H - different story. You need to leave soon. The violence escalates in these situations so go before he maims/kills you. 




spidergirl said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I'm new here, I just needed some support because I have no one at all.
> 
> I got married a few months ago and my life has been complete hell. I've only known my husband less than 2 years and we decided to get married, he's a few years older than me. Even before our wedding we had major issues but I kept thinking it's because we're so far apart (long distance relationship). But after getting married things have gotten a LOT worse.
> 
> I never ever thought my husband would hurt me, but he did. First it was emotional abuse, but then he hit me. I left him at that point but we worked it out and I came back to him. Less than a month later he physically abused me again. I ran away from him at that point and since I have no family here (I got married and move away with him) I was all by myself, no money, no where to go.
> 
> I knew he was looking for me, so I was hiding. But I didn't realize he had informed the police who were also looking for me. Eventually 2 cops found me and took me back to my house. I told them I didn't want to see my husband but I didn't tell them about the abuse because I don't want authorities involved. The cops asked my husband to stay in a hotel for the night and took his keys. So now here I am, all by myself, crying, with no one to talk to and not sure what to do.
> 
> I wish I had never met him or married him. I'm scared to divorce him though, because my parents and his parents think we have the perfect relationship. I can't hurt our parents, they'd be devastated. But at the same time, I can't go through with this anymore.. I'm not sure what to do... how do I get separated from him? Has anyone been in a similar sitation before? How do we fix this? Is there anyway to fix it? My husband says he's sorry and even told the police officers to tell me that he's sorry.
> 
> He's not always bad to me, but when he gets upset even though it's not related to me, he takes his anger out on me. I dont' know what to do...
> 
> Thanks for listening...


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## spidergirl

Thanks Mem,

But it's really not as easy as it sounds.. I can't call my dad.. I really wish I could do something or turn back time so I wouldn't be in this situation at all... but I can't.. 

I have until tomorrow to figure out what I want to do. Tomorrow my husband will come back here (home) and apologize and want to "fix things" and make promises that he'll change.

I need to make a decision but I can't, I'm so afraid and so stuck

I don't know if he'll change or not, or even what I want from him and how I want him to make changes...


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## MarkTwain

spidergirl-

I'm not saying you should stay with him, but if you chose to, there are ways you can stop him ever hitting you again:

1) First of all get it out in the open. Tell him that to protect his reputation, you did not tell the authorities about the violence last time, but next time, the VERY next time, you will. Don't even bother to say this unless you mean it. He had his chances, he had his free punches. The next ones are going to cost him.

2) Victims of violence such as yourself can avoid violence by raising their self-esteem. When you value yourself more highly, he will sense it, and start valuing you more highly also. You are already on the path to doing this. The other thing you can do is make a note of exactly what triggers his violence. You might think you know, but you need to be a bit of a detective here. Trace it back. You may know what triggers his violence, but do you know what triggers the trigger?

Once you have identified the very first impulse that sets his blood boiling, you will have an early warning system. you can then change the subject, or just run out of the house EARLY on in the process.

If he is at bottom, a nice guy, he will want to work on himself to fix this. If so, tell him so. And tell him about spotting the signs, and having an agreement to back the hell off whenever the warning bells ring!

Let us know how it goes


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## desperatelyseeking

spidergirl,

First I am so sorry. I understand your predicament and the disappointment that you are feeling along with the resentment and even rage inside of yourself for what your marriage has turned out to be. I too only dated my husband for a short period in a long distance relationship. We lived 3 hours apart, dated for 10 months and saw each other every weekend during those 10 months. We have now been married for 1.5 years. 

While dating my husband was the absolute charmer. Very supportive. Our communication was great. He felt like my best friend. I felt I could count on him to be there for me. To love me. To protect me. Etc. All those things you should feel with your husband. Just a month after getting married I started seeing a whole different side of him. A side that trust me, had I seen it before we got married, I would not have married him at all.

I too have had those feelings of "I wish I had never met him" "I wish I had never married him". We met through a Christian online dating service and whenever I see commercials for any of those dating services I swear I cringe and look at the TV with resentment, anger and yeah right type attitude. My husband is far from the man that I met and fell in love with and I wonder if that man even ever existed.

Having said all that. I deal with Emotional abuse and Verbal Abuse. My husband too has an anger problem and when he gets angry I become his punching bag basically, in the emotional and verbal ways. He has not gotten physical with me, though believe me, the thought has crossed my mind on at least one occasion that I don't know for a fact, I am not a 100% convinced that it couldn't ever escalate to that level. When he is angry, I swear his entire demeanor changes. The look in his eyes, his tone, his body language, his facial expressions, everything and honestly it does scare me and causes me to be cautious.

Your situation has escalated to physical violence and I have always been a firm believer that the hardest time is the first time. Why? Because they truly don't know how you are going to react. Once they have physically assaulted you once, it becomes easier and easier with each blow after that until they wear you down so far that you don't fight back but live like that scared abused cat in a home that is afraid to even peek out from under the couch or bed.

Why can't you call your dad? Sweetie, chances are he is not going to be upset with you but his protective nature for his little girl is going to kick in and he will want to get you out of this situation. I understand that you feel it would be devastating to both sides of the family, but trust me sweetie... it will be even more devastating to them should this man kill you. Your family will be devastated because they had no clue, they weren't there for you, weren't able to help you. They will live with the "what if we had only known" "what if we could have done something to stop it". His family will deal with similar what ifs while their son is being dragged off to jail.

Abuse has power when it is kept in the dark and silent. You can't do this on your own. You need to get support and you need to protect yourself. Not him. Not his family. Not even your family. You need to protect you. You need to get out. He may pull the "I'm sorry and it will never happen again card" but sweetie he's done that before and the behavior repeated.

Don't fall for the charm. Men that abuse do not just suddenly stop. They need help. Serious help and help that takes months, if not years, in the process. You need to be safe throughout that process.

The first step to that is get it out in the open. Tell law enforcement. Find someone you can talk to locally, if not a church, your co-workers, contact your local Domestic Violence center and get some guidance from them. Call your family and let them know what is going on. Do it for you, do it for them. If you feel comfortable and have a good relationship with your in-laws, contact them and let them know as well. Your life could very well depend on all this. Don't take it lightly.

I'm praying for you. Please take care of yourself and PLEASE reach out to those who love you and are able to reach out to help you out of this twisted situation. Love is not supposed to hurt. Love does not throw punches. This is not what marriage is supposed to be. Don't allow misplaced and misaligned guilty feelings keep you from doing what you gotta do for yourself. You are worth it.


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## spidergirl

Thank you so much MarkTwain, after reading your message I feel like I have options, I do need to raise my self-esteem because I used to be very confident and that used to bother my husband a lot (before our marriage)

After marriage though, he's completely torn me down. Every time he abused me I was the one running back to him, he manipulated me in such a way that I always felt it was MY fault, even though deep inside I knew it wasn't.

For now, I'm definitely going to ask him to make these changes, and I'm going to make changes myself.

And thank you so much for your message DesperatelySeeking, your husband sounds a LOT like mine. I am going to move towards getting separated from him, but I don't want him to know this yet because he will do whatever possible to keep me here.

For now I'm going to ask him to make certain changes that MarkTwain outlined and then, as you said, I'm going to tell my parents and get out of this marriage.

I just don't want to do it right now, being Christmas and all. I don't want to surprise my parents in this way. I am the eldest child and very attached to my parents, I can't hurt them this way. I've been thinking all night and after reading your message, definitely feel like I need to get out, but I need to slowly tell my parents.

Thank you so much for your responses and advice, I really feel supported and finally don't feel so alone anymore.

I haven't spoken to my husband yet, he hasn't called me or come knocking on the door. I'm not sure how his attitude will be, angry or sorry. I don't even know him anymore.......


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## Weathered

spidergirl, you are already sure you do not want to stay married to your husband. After working things out from the first physical abuse, was everything laid out on the table? Your feelings, worries and desires - have they been addressed?

It does sound like despite apparently 'working it out' between you, you have ended up in the same situation. It unfortunately is likely to happen again in the relationship. No one can tell you how many times one can forgive an abusive spouse, but you must know for yourself what you can and cannot tolerate.

I agree that you need to contact your family to be absolutely honest with them. If your parents aren't your advocates, then who is?

I can understand your situation, though. My own wife left her entire family in another country to join me in mine. I am away from my own family within this country and don't have the most appealing of relationships with them. So when my wife and I had serious issues, there were very few people to turn to. Mainly counsellors and trusted church elders. Advice comes but there isn't the follow-up to see how we're going on a deeper level. My wife's parents had told her initially that she needed to dig deeper and try to reconcile by maturely dealing with issues, but she wasn't quite able to do this on her own.

But back to your situation, if you're finding your parents (and his) in a more complicated dynamic that stops you from seeking separation from your husband (and you know you need it), then you will need another advocate - a close friend or relative - who knows you and would be willing to help. Whether or not you disclose this to your family is up to you, but eventually (if you do divorce) you will need to be honest about it and face the 'consequences' your family may have on you.

I hope you find peace within yourself in all this.


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## spidergirl

Hi Weathered,

The first time my husband hurt me, it was in the car and he slammed me against the passenger door which hurt my back. I pleaded with him to calm down, which he eventually did. We didn't discuss that issue again.

The second time he hit me was total random, we were cooking in the kitchen and I burnt some food while warming it up. He took the pan off the stove and threw it in the kitchen, yelled at me and stormed off into another room. I was so shocked and scared I went into my bedroom and started crying, he came into the bedroom (I thought he came to apologize) but grabbed me from the bed and slapped me. Then told me to get out of the house. I was ready to leave but then he started choking me, to the point where I actually thought he was going to kill me, I started pulling his hair and ran out the door and sat on a street corner, crying, with no money and no where to go. 

He came looking for me, said we need some space and he realizes what he's doing is wrong. He sent me on a flight back home to my family. We didnt' discuss the issue until a few days later on the phone and he turned the entire thing around on me. He knows I don't want a divorce because I worry about my parent's reaction and his parents as well. So he manipulated me into begging him to take me back. Which he did of course.

Now, last night, while in the car he got upset because he's having some financial problems and decided to take his anger out on me. I tried to ignore him and stay calm, not to aggrevate him. But then he started making false accusations towards me. The second I opened my mouth to defend myself, he started hitting me, I opened the car door to run but he grabbed my arm and I screamed help, at that point he let go and I ran away for a few hours. 

He then had police looking for me, claiming I'm missing and he's worried. I didn't want to get the police involved so I didn't tell them anything. He spent the night somewhere else, and it's been almost 24 hours and he's still not back home. 

The problem is, I don't know how to approach the matter with him. How do I say "stop hurting me" to him? He's so manipulative and knows my family is my weakness, which he uses against me.

I'm all alone, been sitting home all by myself crying all day. I don't have friends here, I don't have family, and I don't work so I don't know anyone.

I've never hated my life more than I do now... my parents are having a Christmas party in my hometown right now so I can't even call them just to talk...


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## Atholk

Enough is enough. Don't bother to psychoanalyze the situation with him, just call your local women's shelter and talk to someone there. They are likely to have a place you can stay, and will have established contact with the local police authorities.

Men that hit women typically continue to do so until the sitaution is intervened upon from the outside. Wives trying to talk their men out of fits of rage generally just create a bigger beating for themselves. By going back to him twice, you are teaching him that he can hit you and get away with it.

If you are ever physically assaulted by your husband, the best place to immediately head is an ER. You will get treatment, and the ER will act as documentation and mandatory reporting to the police.


Oh and for goodness sake - you think your family care about their Christmas party more than their daughter getting repeatedly beaten up by her husband?!?!?!? You are pretty far into being victimized - GO SEEK HELP NOW.


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## AlexNY

spidergirl said:


> For now I'm going to ask him to make certain changes that MarkTwain outlined and then, as you said, I'm going to tell my parents *and get out of this marriage*.
> 
> I just don't want to do it right now, being Christmas and all. I don't want to surprise my parents in this way...


If you stay, you will not leave your H until "next time". _And there will be a "next time". _When it happens, there is a good chance that your husband is going to beat you savagely. There is a small chance that he will kill you.

The value that you place on not impacting your parent's enjoyment of the hollidays is totally out of proporition. If you proceed with your "stay a while and then get out plan", you will not leave until he beats you again and the next time will be worse than the last. At the very least, you think that the brutalization of your body and spirit is less important than a trouble free family dinner?!?!?

Those priorities do not make any kind of sense.

If you want to fix your marriage, go ahead and try. But if you plan on leaving anyway, get out NOW. You will be beaten again, and worse than last time. You KNOW that.


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## lost1234

Spidergirl,

my honest, heartfelt advice is to get out of there...NOW...


CALL your parents, a womens shelter, the local police...go to a neighbor if you have to, just get away from him...

im not sure about fixing anything...physical abuse only gets worse...

plenty of times ends in death...

i do not mean to sound so harsh, you nor does anybody else deserve to be treated that way...male or female

who cares if your parents and in laws might be hurt...if they knew YOU were being hurt in this manner would they want you to let it continue and stay in this marriage?


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## Weathered

There may be an ulterior motive why parents don't always want to see their child's marriage the way it's described. It's important to know what is right for you, not for your parents.


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## Sensitive

Our local women's shelter has a hotline where you can call 24/7 for advice. They told me how to get free counseling, free legal service, and how to get a restraining order. I also learned that abuse cases file much quicker in the court system. Good luck.


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## MarkTwain

lost1234 said:


> my honest, heartfelt advice is to get out of there...NOW...


This might be good advice for *spidergirl*, but what about the next woman he ends up with? Will she be posting a thread on here.

If *spidergirl *can stop him abusing *her*, maybe he will never abuse anyone again. Then the world will be a better place. It could be win/win: She gets to upgrade her self-esteem, and he gains control over his emotions, and above all, GROWS UP. I suppose a lot depends on whether spidergirl thinks the marriage still has some magic left in it, or whether it's she thinks it's history.

Sometimes it's nice when a human being says: The buck stops here.


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## Atholk

MarkTwain said:


> This might be good advice for *spidergirl*, but what about the next woman he ends up with? Will she be posting a thread on here.
> 
> If *spidergirl *can stop him abusing *her*, maybe he will never abuse anyone again. Then the world will be a better place. It could be win/win: She gets to upgrade her self-esteem, and he gains control over his emotions, and above all, GROWS UP. I suppose a lot depends on whether spidergirl thinks the marriage still has some magic left in it, or whether it's she thinks it's history.
> 
> Sometimes it's nice when a human being says: The buck stops here.


You cannot be serious. The woman is getting her ass beaten up and you want her to play Law of Attraction games like the entire situation is her fault, and are going so far as to guilt trip her into having another shot at getting violated. 

She needs to get to a shelter and have the police intervene. If done right, he won't get another oppotunity to smash another woman up for quite a few years. Once the finer points of a relationship are being "negotiated" on the basis of who is is physically strongest, the less physically able partner needs to appeal to outside socially approved force - or risk serious injury or death by staying in the relationship.

Her self-esteem was likely at an all time "I'm a newly wed" high right up until the moment he slammed her against the side of the car.


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## lastinline

MT, as someone who has trained extensively to fight for a fair portion of my adult life, I can honestly say that the thought of hitting my wife or even her other, never even made it up on the radar when I "found out". As a general rule, sane people, healthy people, don't hit other people when they are:

1) miffed
2) angry
3) mad
4) pissed
5) annoyed
6) vexed
7) upset
8) wrathful
9) choleric
10) sore
11) indignant
12) upset
13) or whatever the "f" have you

Sane healthy people are also wise to run the hell away from people who do, especially if that person sometimes says they love you between beatings. LIL


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## MarkTwain

Atholk said:


> You cannot be serious. The woman is getting her ass beaten up and you want her to play Law of Attraction games like the entire situation is her fault, and are going so far as to guilt trip her into having another shot at getting violated.


I did not see the post about the choking - I thought I had read everything. It seems quite serious. I'm now thinking *spidergirl *should start telling other people such as the police, *now*, even if she does not want to press charges at this time. Then he will know that he is in the spot-light.

Of course the situation is not her fault.

Spidergirl-

He is using your fear of your parents view of you to get away with this. Why are you scared to tell them?

As I said before, abusers love to keep things in the dark. You need to throw open the curtains and let in the light.

There are organisations that will give you advice on what steps you can take to have him restrained/lectured or whatever. It depends where you live, but contacting a woman's shelter would be a good idea.


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## MarkTwain

lastinline said:


> MT, *as someone who has trained extensively to fight for a fair portion of my adult life*, I can honestly say that the thought of hitting my wife or even her other, never even made it up on the radar when I "found out". As a general rule, sane people, healthy people, don't hit other people when they are:


I don't know what the bit in bold refers to. I was abused as a kid by two different people. After a while I realised I had a lot more control than I thought, even though my step-dad was literally twice my size.


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## Atholk

MarkTwain said:


> I don't know what the bit in bold refers to. I was abused as a kid by two different people. After I while I realised I had a lot more control than I thought, even though my step-dad was literally twice my size.


LIL does Mixed Martial Arts training for a couple hours a day as the reference.


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## lastinline

MarkTwain said:


> I don't know what the bit in bold refers to. I was abused as a kid by two different people. After a while I realised I had a lot more control than I thought, even though my step-dad was literally twice my size.


MT, I was trying to make the point that violence is not an option...even if you are "very angry". It's still not an option even if you are "very angry" and "very good" at it, thus the fighting reference. 

Simply put, healthy and sane people do not hit other people out of anger, and especially not people that they themselves have a specific duty to protect.

My point was her husband is not healthy mentally or spiritually, and that he is a very real and present danger to her. She needs to leave, and like yesterday, for her own wellbeing and safety. LIL


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## MarkTwain

lastinline said:


> My point was her husband is not healthy mentally or spiritually, and that he is a very real and present danger to her. She needs to leave, and like yesterday, for her own wellbeing and safety. LIL


You could well be right. As I said, I missed reading the post with the choking in it. That's psycho stuff.


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## spidergirl

Hi guys, thank you so much for your posts.

I still have not allowed my husband back into the house since Thursday night (when he hit me) and it's now Sunday afternoon. He hasn't made any attempts to come back, he's asked to talk but I've told him I'm not ready to see him or talk with him. 

I spoke with his sister on Saturday night and told her (as well as her husband) the entire story, from day 1. They were shocked and begged me to come back home (they live in same province as my family).

My sister in law also provided a lot of backgroud information, since I've only known my husband less than 2 years, there's a lot I didn't know about him and his family. I knew his parents had issues when they were newly weds, I know my husband and his father have a terrible relationship to the point that my husband moved out at an early age and left the province to move 5000 miles away.

What I didn't know was that my mother in law had the same problems I'm having today, except she never told anyone about it, she jus suffered. My sister in law told me that my mother in law even tried to commit suicide several times, while my husband and my sister in law watched (as kids).

My sis in law has told me my husband needs professional help and has told me she will send me a ticket back home as soon as I'd like. 

I know my husband feels terrible about hurting me, please don't think I'm being stupid by feeling bad about him and caring about him first. I know I need to think about my safety first, but I'm not the type of person who will just quit in a relationship without trying everything.

Today I sent my husband an email telling him he's not welcome in the house until he gets professional help and that's the only time I will see him next (with a professional). I've also told him I don't trust him and that if he chooses not to get professional help then I am leaving and I will tell both our families about the situation.

Thank you all for your support, you have no idea how much it means to me.

I'll keep you updated.


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## spidergirl

Ok well, my husband responded to the email, saying he wants to end this relationship and it's MY fault.

He won't accept that he's wrong and I even told him he's a coward for first hurting me, then blaming me and trying to run away from the whole thing instead of getting help.

I can't stop crying, this is so unfair. I don't know what to do. I've now also told his parents about the entire situation, his mom and dad are currently discussing what to do and how to get him to get help.

I want to go back home, but how will I tell my parents? I can't hurt them, if my dad finds out that his daughter is going through hell, he will break down. I can't do that to my dad... I can't


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## Corpuswife

If you were my daughter, it would be a great relief that you got out of this relationship. ANY healthy parent would want their child SAFE as a priority! This is a no brainer.

Do not worry about other people at this point.

You cannot change or fix him. He has to want to do this without coersion.


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## spidergirl

Thanks Corpuswife,

I would love to leave and be home with my family (and my dog, who I love more than anything) for the holidays.

But I can't leave my husband, not because I'm insecure and afraid to leave, but because my husband is insecure and NEEDS help. I want to stand by him and get him help.

I've never given up on anything in life, I've always fought to get what I want and deserve. Somehow, after getting married (he's my first relationship) I let him take over and just gave up on everything for him, which was wrong on my part. I should've stayed stronger and not let him beat me down, mentally and physically. 

I'm not justifying what he did, not at all. He's completely wrong, but I can't leave him, marriage means being by your partner through thick and thin.

However, I will not allow him to hurt me. I've bought pepper spray, and I've told him that his family knows the truth about our relationship and he better not touch me or come close.

I'm allowing him back in the house tonight, but he'll be sleeping in the guest room.

I hope things work out, slowly of course... Thank you all for your help, you've kind of been like family these past few days, which were complete hell for me.

I really can't thank you all enough, thanks for your support. I'll keep you updated on the situation.


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## Atholk

Careful with the pepper spray. It may not be legal in the state you are in. Also if you use it on him, he can claim it was unproked. You could be jailed.

You need to tell your parents. His whole family is going to rally around and try and support him, and probably want to keep you married to him. Your family probably would feel quite differently about the situation. I don't really think anyone in his family is going to be working for your best interest. 

To be honest, I don't even think _you_ are working in your best interest. I'm very worried.


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## MarkTwain

spidergirl said:


> I want to go back home, but how will I tell my parents? I can't hurt them, if my dad finds out that his daughter is going through hell, he will break down. I can't do that to my dad... I can't


You're young. You can't understand the depth of your parents love for you, or the inner resources that your dad has to draw on. Helping you could even be the making of your dad. I'm guessing that he was always a bit henpecked by your mother. Here's a chance for him to shine. You not wanting him to know tells us that your self esteem is so low that you value your dad's peace of mind above your own safety. This is unhealthy.

Please, phone your dad, and get some good advice.


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## spidergirl

Hi guys, 

Athlok, I live in Canada, so the pepper spray is legal here and I will definitely use it if I have to. However, I've spoken with my husband but before I talked to him, his parents did. 

His dad really made him understand that I'm someone's daughter/sister and may even be a mother one day. My husband's seen the hell his mom went through and he doesn't want to end up the way his dad used to be.

So it was great having his dad talk to him and tell him about his own regrets in life.

My husband has made an appointment to go to a therapist for his anger issues and has promised me he'll never raise his hand at me again.

The reason I believe him is because in the past when we fought, he igored it as if nothing happened. This time he's acknowledged his wrongdoing and accepted responsibility.

I've told him I will leave him if he loses his anger again, albeit with a random person on the street!


Thanks all for your support, you really have no idea but I wouldn't have had so much courage without you guys. I was very alone but you guys really helped me get through this. Thanks a billion.. hope you all have a great Christmas and a Great New Year (problem-less year)


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## MarkTwain

spidergirl said:


> So it was great having his dad talk to him and tell him about his own regrets in life.


This is really great to hear, but don't be complacent about the task ahead of you. The fact that he choked you shows that he is the sort of person who finds it hard to articulate his feelings - so he just wanted to stop you breathing and talking instead.

People can change if they really have that desire. It's getting that desire that's rare.

I wish you all the best for the new year.


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