# What is the right thing to do or say



## Jax10 (Oct 22, 2012)

Ladies. I have been looking at this board for sometime, and finally have taken the plunge to register. I have a question for you all. 

Sometimes my wife will 'take care of me' sexually and not let me return the energy for just her or making love etc. I know there can be physical reasons for that, but other times I think she does because she just doesn't want it for her, but is glad to take care of my business. Does that make sense? 

Anyway, last night was one of those nights. She orally took care of me with no return desired on her part.

So, obviously I have a great wife (for this and many other reasons).

All that being said, here is my question. What is the appropriate response - other than to lay back and just enjoy? My urge is of course to say thank you I love you so much, and whatever I did to deserve this, I want to do it again and again.... But I don't think that is the right answer.

Is this something that the right thing to do is to simply to not say anything - other than at the time, with the "I love you" or "love when you do that" etc... 

I've always been curious about this. I don't think most men can imagine just taking care of a women during sex and not completing the act. But I think women can (and do). 

Make sense? Mostly wondering what you all are thinking when you do this and what you want us to do.

Thank you.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Jax10 said*: My urge is of course to say thank you I love you so much, and whatever I did to deserve this, I want to do it again and again.


My question to you is... why hold back how you deeply feel with her ? Me personally, I would PREFER your response above over saying "less".. I am all for high expression though, maybe some women wouldn't like that, I guess I ain't one of those. 

My husband would have a devil of a time if I didn't want something in return, it would BOTHER him. He would even start to feel "selfish" somehow.... even if I was offering, he is odd like that, then I'd find myself in the position of loading it on really THICK to assure him I wanted to give him this pleasure.... cause I love & cherish and get a THRILL to make him happy, only MUCH EXPRESSION from my end would sooth that 'inner burden" he would feel If I wasn't getting mine. 

I think it's great to lavish on the Praise when you are so Thankful for what one gives - in either shoes. 

Just my way 2 cents anyway. Welcome to TAM Jax 10 !


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

There are times that I just want to please him and leave it at that. What I love afterwards is when he tells me how good it was then holds me tightly till we fall asleep.

There is no right or wrong thing he could say afterwards that would change my desire to do it again but if he just rolled over and went to sleep that would be a downer. A long, tight hug with synchronised breathing afterwards is bliss for me.


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Jax10 said:


> All that being said, here is my question. What is the appropriate response - other than to lay back and just enjoy? My urge is of course to say thank you I love you so much, and whatever I did to deserve this, I want to do it again and again.... But I don't think that is the right answer.
> 
> Is this something that the right thing to do is to simply to not say anything - other than at the time, with the "I love you" or "love when you do that" etc...


Yep any of that would be good in my world. I like to know i rock his world. 

I sometimes pleasure my man with no expectation of anything in return.... like when I have my period or if I just don't feel like having full on sex or sometimes I'll follow him into the shower and give him an unexpected soapy HJ... just because i know it will surprise him and that he loves THOSE kind of surprises.

Personally I find being able to do this...one of lifes pleasures... maybe your wife feels the same. Maybe she gets a kick out of it too...just not a O.

So I'd suggest when she's offering this...just enjoy then tell her how amazing it was/she is :smthumbup:


----------



## Jax10 (Oct 22, 2012)

Thanks for the feedback. The thing about 'gushing compliments' (so to speak) it just seems kind of like...well, I don't know. I guess I worry it is too much. I mean, I really, really like that she does that once in awhile and doesn't ask for anything in return. And with so many women not being interested in oral (or so I understand) the fact that she is, and then just gives me a kiss good night and then goes right to bed it way awesome. 

Anyway, I just don't want to sound like a dumb goober. I think, based on what you are guys are saying, I can be confident and complimentary and do it in a hug snuggle way with a small bit of words and that would be good.


----------



## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Don't assume she is happy just "taking care of you".
Return it. 

Say "my turn", and start to take off her pants & get down there.
IF its' her time of month, etc, or if she has a legitimate reason for not wanting you messing with her stuff, she'll let you know.

Otherwise, I would not keep assuming she is happy only being on the giving end. She probably just doesn't want to complain to you about it.


----------



## Jax10 (Oct 22, 2012)

Hello. To clarify. We have a pretty mutual relationship. But everyonce in awhile she doesn't want me to return the favor. It is those times I'm asking about.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think she loves you and is just giving you a gift. A 'thank you' and 'I really love you' from you should be enough, I would think.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

J,
Whether she joins me in the rapture or not I always say the same thing after because it is true. Thank you for loving me. 

That's it. That is all I say. She knows I mean it. And she knows I love her. Sometimes she says it back. Mostly she says "I looooovvveee you". And she does.




Jax10 said:


> Ladies. I have been looking at this board for sometime, and finally have taken the plunge to register. I have a question for you all.
> 
> Sometimes my wife will 'take care of me' sexually and not let me return the energy for just her or making love etc. I know there can be physical reasons for that, but other times I think she does because she just doesn't want it for her, but is glad to take care of my business. Does that make sense?
> 
> ...


----------



## augustmoonshine (Oct 9, 2012)

well, this happens in my house too. I simply dont have as high a sex drive as my hubbie, and appreciate that he wants/needs "satisfying" more regularly than i do, so i maybe give him a BJ once or twice a week (more if im on my period) as Im more than happy to do this, and honestly dont expect nor want anything in return. He doesnt "gush" happinness afterwards though! He usually just grins, says "Night then" with a little chuckle and goes to sleep! Am I bothered by this? Not in the slightest. WOuld I want him to be all lovey dovey? No!!!! I know he is happy, he knows im happy. Sorted.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Chelle D said:


> Don't assume she is happy just "taking care of you".
> Return it.
> 
> Say "my turn", and start to take off her pants & get down there.
> ...


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Just talk to your wife about it...ask her how she feels....if she'd rather you be this way...or that way. 

Obviously us women are all different. My husband doesn't say a whole lot in comparison to me, but I eat it up when he does. And he loves my gushing... he wouldn't change it....so this is why my answer is not the same as other women on here, every relationship is unique... study your woman, seek to please her every inner desire.


----------



## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Jax10 said:


> Hello. To clarify. We have a pretty mutual relationship. But everyonce in awhile she doesn't want me to return the favor. It is those times I'm asking about.


Well, if she's not real open about when she's on her cycle.. It might be those times. And she does not want you to be "left out" just because. Some couples are okay with having sex while woman is cycling.. others not.

Personally, I just really don't want to deal with the mess on the really heavy flow days... So, I do what your wife does during those times.

There have been a few other times, like I'm having some issues with soreness & pid, that I don't want to do it either. It's not lack of drive, just lack of wanting to be uncomfortable.


----------

