# Another Random Update - I Defaulted on the Divorce



## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

I thought I was handling all of this really well and lately it seems to have hit me really hard. For those of you that have been following my story (see Naked Party threads) - he filed on June 5, 2014. I had a month to respond to the paperwork and I decided I didn't want to fight for anything and let him have it all which was what he wanted. The divorce went into default on July 5. I'm happy with my decision and the filing didn't seem to phase me until I got two letters in the mail from him last week with follow-up default paperwork saying the divorce would be final on December 6th.

Maybe the reality of the divorce finally hit me. He wanted to reconcile at one point and I pushed him to file and after he did I cut off all contact. I relocated to Nevada and got 3 job offers within a week. My new place is awesome. As far as moving on with my life goes - it's going well ... but ... it feels like I'm going through the grieving process all over again and I have no choice but to deal with it. 

I've spent the majority of the past week (unintentionally) reminiscing about our relationship from start to finish and it makes me sad that it turned out the way it did. It just seems so unnecessary to invest so much time into a person and make memories with someone that will stay with you forever to have it all just disappear overnight and for what? Is this normal to sit and reflect on the relationship over and over again. I'm remembering details and things about our relationship that I haven't thought of in years. I'm just so over this.

I deactivated my Facebook account which still had his brother and brothers girlfriend on it. They were they only two in the family that offered me support when he did what he did. The other night they posted some pictures of a birthday party they attended back in July and there he was. Picture after picture of him arm wrestling with women, drinking at the bar, and chatting it up with some nice looking women. After I saw this pictures is when I started reflecting on the relationship. They didn't make me jealous or sad or mad. They just gave me a glimpse into his life without me now I guess. He didn't look genuinely happy. Just seems stupid he dumped his marriage to arm wrestle women in bars at the age of almost 40. Yeah ... I know ... I'm better off.

I just came here to vent. Just trying to get over all this - the quicker the better. Any advice would be appreciated.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Are you in IC? Ever been?


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Hi ICLH - I'm no expert but of the opinion that it is sometimes painful doing the "right thing." Time will likely make it more tolerable. Good luck!


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

I was in IC but relocated to a different state and haven't had the time to look into IC yet.


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

ICLH, I know how you feel. It hurt to see my STBXW with her POSOM in pictures with her family on the 4th of Jul. I'm moving on too but the hurt is still there. 
A few months ago, I had an implosion day...planned. I surrounded myself with our memories and just let all my emotions go. It was cathartic and helped. Hang in there!


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

The uncontested divorce was a good lesson for him. You didn't want his money, so he lost an important justification for wanting out.

He could not have changed. He is the (limited) person that he is. You are lucky to have gotten out.

Hopefully you will meet someone better. 

One day you'll look FB and remember him and his family and say too yourself that it's been ages since you thought of him. It won't hurt anymore.

Get in to activities to meet people. Don't ignore red flags when you date.

Wishing you the best. It's really hot and dry where you live... never been there. The newspapers say there is no water. Imagine never having to mow a law again.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

How are you doing ICLH?


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