# Living with In Laws



## SCWife (Dec 30, 2014)

Hello. This is my first post and I really need some advice.

My in laws are currently living with my husband and I. We just got married recently, about 6 months ago. I really want to move so that we can have our own PRIVACY! I'm a very private person and I like to be by myself in general. They are living with us because his mom is sick and can't work. I've tried expressing to my husband how I feel, but the words are not coming out right. I don't want him to feel like I don't want to help them because I honestly do. Isn't it possible to help them while living in another household? We recently talked about moving, but tonight he tried to push the date back further 5 months. I don't think I can handle it that much longer!! Any advice?


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## Vanille (Dec 13, 2014)

I am also an introvert, I generally like to be alone. I can't settle or kind comfort when I have a guest (or if I am the guest). I lived with my in-laws twice, about 4 years in total. It was all my husband's idea and I was quite against it. All I have to say is it was the worst years of my entire life and almost tore my marriage apart. It also ruined my relationship with my in-laws. It's not worth it. I saved a lot of money by staying with them that long but I'd rather be in thousands of dollars in debt honestly.

Just my personal experience. Not trying to scare you! lol

Talk to your husband. You need to voice how much this is impacting you. This is your home, your safe haven! I've heard the pushing back moving dates before too. It will probably happen a few more times. Unless he has to carry his mother around the house or something, you should be able to live separately just fine. What is her illness?


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## SCWife (Dec 30, 2014)

I could probably understand if we were saving money, but we aren't. We pay all the bills with no help. He doesn't have to carry her around or do anything for her. His brother stays with us also and "looks after" her. I mean it's just too much!


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## Vanille (Dec 13, 2014)

His brother too?? Sounds like he just wants to live with his family like the old days _and_ have a wife.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

SCWife said:


> Hello. This is my first post and I really need some advice.
> 
> My in laws are currently living with my husband and I. We just got married recently, about 6 months ago. I really want to move so that we can have our own PRIVACY! I'm a very private person and I like to be by myself in general. They are living with us because his mom is sick and can't work. I've tried expressing to my husband how I feel, but the words are not coming out right. I don't want him to feel like I don't want to help them because I honestly do. Isn't it possible to help them while living in another household? We recently talked about moving, but tonight he tried to push the date back further 5 months. I don't think I can handle it that much longer!! Any advice?


I don't quite understand... if _they_ are living w/ *YOU* (as opposed to _you_ living w/ *THEM*), how would moving help? Wouldn't they just move w/ you?


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

Respect your husband by respecting his mother n law. We will all get old one day and none of us would like it if we were abandoned by our children. Put yourself in your mother n laws shoes


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

You might have married a momma's boy, someone who really cares about family or someone who is being taken advantage of.

If your mother in law isn't on her death bed, which i hope isn't the case, then it would be rude of her to overstay her welcome. 

Just how long has she been staying in your house ?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If his mom is sick and can't work then does that mean she and your BIL will be living with you the rest of her life?


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Boxing judge said:


> Respect your husband by respecting his mother n law. We will all get old one day and none of us would like it if we were abandoned by our children. Put yourself in your mother n laws shoes


Maybe I am a little different, but when I get old I will happily go to a nursing home. I will never put the expectation on my daughter that she HAS to take care of me. I would never want to intrude on her future family that way.

The OP already mentioned that her husband's brother lives in the house too to help out the mom. I think the brother, MIL, & FIL all need to move into their own place. 

Unfortunately, OP, your husband is not seeing things in the same way. I am like you that I value my privacy & I am very territorial. Such an arrangement would not work for me. Is your husband from a culture that typically takes care of their parents? Did you know that the in laws were moving in with you before you got married?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

If his mother is sick and the two of you are having to care for both of them, I would say suck it up and deal for a while. BUT...if the brother is also there and is actually taking care of them, then the three of them need to find their own place.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I'm confused also...if they are living with you in your house why would you consider moving? Where were they living before? 

Honestly it doesn't matter why you are all living together...you are a newly married couple who need and deserve your own space so you can start your life how you see fit. What if she lives for another 15 years? Do they stay the entire time? If she passes then does your FIL stay there indefinitely? How about the BIL, will he be in and out forever? 

Your husband needs to be logical about this, he needs to tell his parents "we wanted to help you get back on your feet but we are not equipped for long term care". At the very least if they had a home that they sold or are financially able they should build an in law suite onto your house or maybe consider as a family buying a duplex. 

If they are financially desolate or lack health insurance to help cover the cost of care for your MIL you may be in for a hard battle, I could see where your husband would have a difficult time turning his parents away. It doesn't matter if it's right or wrong (to him) for the health of your marriage, he sees himself as the good son. 

Find all the options you can for other living arrangements and even in home care for your MIL. Maybe it's time for a senior living community or something like that.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

My father moved in about a year ago after his heart attack when he lost his house. We have ample room, he keeps mostly to himself, and he even pays a token rent check.

But the wife hates the man with a white passion, mostly for his not being around for his grandchildren when they were young. It's put a noticeable strain on our relationship.

I finally could only say "the man you fell in love with a long time ago was always the man who thinks that you take in family". Between that and the consolation that it could have been my schizophrenic mother, we're managing, but it's not fun some days.

In the wake of the great recession, multiple generation households skyrocketed. It's a return to a living arrangement with a long history, and one that probably makes more sense than single family dwellings overall.


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## ticktock33 (Jun 6, 2014)

First, I'm so sorry for your MIL that she is sick...and that you are kind of getting pushed out. I'm also a very private person, I like to have my own space. I'm living with my husband and his mom and brother right now. We are saving money, but it's a nightmare and it's really the worse case scenario. 

I would really try to talk to your husband about this. It's your house too and he should know how you are enough to know that you feel put out. Some people really like to have their families around. There must be some kind of compromise.


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

Awful situation, doesn't sound like your hubby understands the upset the arrangement is causing you. I'd definitely look to moving out, doesn't mean you can't see them, somewhere near but move! Good luck xxx


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