# girlfriend sets marriage ultimatum



## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

This is my first post so please forgive me if this thread is one you have read so many times before from other people. My girlfriend of 2 years began setting marriage ultimatums after dating for 5 months. She would back off every two months for a couple of weeks and then start in again. She has become resentful. It seems to me that she is more interested in being married than cultivating a loving relationship with me. She has had a child years ago and can't have anymore kids so this has nothing to do with her biological clock ticking. She has never been married but I have and I just want us to take things slow especially now that I have seen how angry she can get for not getting to the alter when she wanted to. Most of the last two years together have been difficult and the growth of our relationship has ceased. My gut instinct is that she will be like this after marriage with ultimatums about new things. I feel that she has spoiled a potentially good thing by thowing temper tantrums about not having a ring. It is this behavior that has made me more reluctant. Remember, most of this two year period has been stressful. Help anyone?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Don't marry her. She is trying to fit you into her life schedule. She's listening to her clock tick...Besides, you know you don't want to marry her, or you would. 

but 5 months into dating? Hmm...

Tell her you won't take the ultimatum and then just break up with her. Let her get some other smooze to force into marriage.

If this is how she is with getting married, this is how she is about life. You'd be in a world of hurt if you married her.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Wow. This is a HUGE red flag. Can you just imagine your future if you did marry her?


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## Tangent (Apr 9, 2012)

Don't do it. My wife started acting crazy as soon as the engagement ring hit her finger. I told myself it would get better, that it was just the wedding planning, or just this or that, but it is always something. If you give in to this, she will likely bully you on everything.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well if you have no growth, things are stressful and she just merely wants marriage for the sake of being married then why are you still with her?

you are wasting not only her time but yours as well


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Don't marry her. She is trying to fit you into her life schedule. She's listening to her clock tick...Besides, you know you don't want to marry her, or you would.
> 
> but 5 months into dating? Hmm...
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

thank you for your replys. I am tired of her anger. She even started withholding intimacy until after she got a ring. After the 5 month date which was Christmas, I gave her a gold locket. She went to the local jeweler the next day and priced a ring for herself, came to my house, and told me that I had two weeks to decide. I was stunned. Her mother even called me and told me to get off my a$$ and that I was using her. The thought of having her as a mother in law frightens me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Time to move on, sweetie. 

Do not marry her. It's clear you do not want to get married (at least not now) and you have already said she has grown resentful of you and pushes strongly on this issue and then falls back, only to start the cycle up again.

Yes, this is who she is. It will not change after marriage. The fact that she's behaving this way cause you're not giving her what she wants means she is probably like this in other areas of your relationship.

I say, move on.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)




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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

goldstandard said:


> thank you for your replys. I am tired of her anger. She even started withholding intimacy until after she got a ring. After the 5 month date which was Christmas, I gave her a gold locket. She went to the local jeweler the next day and priced a ring for herself, came to my house, and *told me that I had two weeks to decide*. I was stunned. Her mother even called me and told me to get off my a$$ and that I was using her. The thought of having her as a mother in law frightens me.


First, ew. Secondly, I would have ended it right there. That is crazy.

"I don't need 2 weeks to decide. This relationship is working for me since we have fundamental differences."


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

goldstandard said:


> thank you for your replys. I am tired of her anger. She even started withholding intimacy until after she got a ring. After the 5 month date which was Christmas, I gave her a gold locket. She went to the local jeweler the next day and priced a ring for herself, came to my house, and told me that I had two weeks to decide. I was stunned. Her mother even called me and told me to get off my a$$ and that I was using her. The thought of having her as a mother in law frightens me.


Dump this crazy ***** now.

Who`d want her?


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

My wife and I were in a committed relationship for about 8 years before we married. She NEVER once forced the issue. 

For me, I was just tired of introducing her to people as my girlfriend. She was much more than that. I also wanted to start a family. I really don’t believe actually being married made our relationship any better. I was faithful while we were just dating, I was faithful when we moved in together, and have been faithful since we have been married. I kinda wanted her to demand marriage. 

If she is already making your life stressful and making demands now, It is easier to walk away now before you get married. You’ve been there, done that. I can understand your hesitation. 

Maybe she is affraid that you will leave her?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Her mother sounds like a beast too.

GET OUT NOW. Don't look back, do not pass GO hahaha...

Wow. her mom called you?!  CRAZY BETCHES!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

goldstandard said:


> thank you for your replys. I am tired of her anger. She even started withholding intimacy until after she got a ring. After the 5 month date which was Christmas, I gave her a gold locket. She went to the local jeweler the next day and priced a ring for herself, came to my house, and told me that I had two weeks to decide. I was stunned. Her mother even called me and told me to get off my a$$ and that I was using her. The thought of having her as a mother in law frightens me.


Sorry to say this, but she sounds like a mental, materialistic beotch! You do NOT want to be married to someone like that. 

Turn her loose, you'll catch a better one next time!


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

You are all right on. Thank you for your answeers. I guess I hung in there thinking if she really loved me as the person I am, she would back off and let our relationship grow naturally. For awhile there, it was nice. It is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Really man - if you marry this woman you're a glutton for punishment - she's giving you a window into your married life if you do. My wife and I met young granted, but we dated for 7 years before I proposed - to the point that her family was telling her she needed to move on. Never, not once, did I get an ultimatum and had I, I would have ended it. I don't do well with ultimatums.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Women can fall in love with getting married - who's standing next to them is more or less immaterial when they do.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> Most of the last two years together have been difficult and the growth of our relationship has ceased.


That's what dating is for - to find out if you are good together. Clearly, you are not good together. So there is no longer any reason to continue dating, much less marry. A bad relationship does not get any better after marriage. Bad relationships only get worse.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ultimatums are stupid. The person giving them is coercing and the person receiving them is being controlled.

If you have to give an ultimatum, then the person DOES NOT WANT TO DO IT. 

Take your life back and call her now and say, "I'm done. Bye."


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

sigma1299 said:


> Women can fall in love with getting married - who's standing next to them is more or less immaterial when they do.


SO TRUE! Some women just want the wedding (some men too) and they don't realize there's a marriage attached to the back end of it.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

I waited a long time because I wanted her family to accept me. I wasn't exactly earning much money to take care of their baby, but they liked me and accepted me. I liked then too. You gotta like the in-laws. I even like my wife's siblings. They never told me to get off my a$$.


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## jectruc (Apr 11, 2012)

I logged an account just to share my views.

Sounds like you figured it out but don't do what I did many years ago and marry her just to make HER happy.

Even if she walks away.

Just not worth it.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

If you need further food for thought, just picture your life in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years.....

"...no more sex until you buy us a bigger house..."
"...you have 2 weeks to help my mother move into this house/buy a new condo/start her own business/etc. or I'm leaving..."
"...no more sex until you do x/y/z for my child..."

blah, blah, blah! It is Springtime; a time for new beginnings! Go grab yours and leave this be-yotch (and her mother) in the dust. Better to have wasted 2 years on her than 3 years.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

goldstandard said:


> It is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship.


1000x yes


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

BTW, GoldStandard,

PLEASE come back to this post after you have dumped this be-yotch and tell us how she (and her beastly mother) took it. I could REALLY use a good laugh! Please?

PS: How can you be 'using' her daughter when she's cut you off because you won't marry her NOW?


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

If you do the sensible thing and end this relationship one of two things is going to happen.

1. She's going to go batsh!t crazy and call you every insulting thing she can think of - this one's easy.

2. She'll back up, reassess, ease off the ultimatum and turn up the charm/sex. Trying to convince you that this new effort is the "real" her - not that demanding, self centered woman who was trying to force you to marry her. WRONG ANSWER - you've seen the real her. If she goes nice, you're still her best bet for a trip to the alter and she's just trying a different tactic to close the deal. 

Close the door, throw away the key, and don't look back.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

sigma1299 said:


> 2. She'll back up, reassess, ease off the ultimatum and turn up the charm/sex. Trying to convince you that this new effort is the "real" her - not that demanding, self centered woman who was trying to force you to marry her. WRONG ANSWER - you've seen the real her. If she goes nice, you're still her best bet for a trip to the alter and she's just trying a different tactic to close the deal.


This is pretty common, good to point it out.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, she's manipulative. Dont' fall for her tricks.

Just cut your losses and trade up. 

Or marry her and come back to us in a year with the issues we're telling you will happen.


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

I guess she figured she would gain some control by setting ground rules i.e. no sex, but this has backfired on her. Common sense would tell me that you can't force an issue otherwise you risk pushing the other person away which is where I am at. I think she sees the final curtain call but she still wants to gain some pride in the end in front of her daughter and parents. It just doesn't matter to me who looks better when this is all over.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

goldstandard said:


> This is my first post so please forgive me if this thread is one you have read so many times before from other people. My girlfriend of 2 years began setting marriage ultimatums after dating for 5 months. She would back off every two months for a couple of weeks and then start in again. She has become resentful. It seems to me that she is more interested in being married than cultivating a loving relationship with me. She has had a child years ago and can't have anymore kids so this has nothing to do with her biological clock ticking. She has never been married but I have and I just want us to take things slow especially now that I have seen how angry she can get for not getting to the alter when she wanted to. Most of the last two years together have been difficult and the growth of our relationship has ceased. My gut instinct is that she will be like this after marriage with ultimatums about new things. I feel that she has spoiled a potentially good thing by thowing temper tantrums about not having a ring. It is this behavior that has made me more reluctant. Remember, most of this two year period has been stressful. Help anyone?


The pressure to get married strikes again.

One phrase I will never ask anyone is "when are you gonna get married?"

People need to f*ck off with that question.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

goldstandard said:


> My girlfriend of 2 years began setting marriage ultimatums after dating for 5 months.


Yikes. If she'll sign life long contracts after 5 months, imagine what 5 minutes with a car salesman will do. Honey, I bought us 3 new minivans! Welcome to bankruptcy!!!




> She has become resentful.


Translation: she doesn't give a crap what your opinion is. Me me me me I want my wedding now! Don't make me hold my breathe until I pass out!




> It seems to me that she is more interested in being married than cultivating a loving relationship with me.


I wonder why. What could she stand to gain by signing this legal contract?




> She has had a child years ago


So basically she wants to marry your money.




> My gut instinct is that she will be like this after marriage with ultimatums about new things.


Marriage absolutely never makes things better. They either stay the same or they get worse. If you have a good relationship before marriage, then it should stay as a good relationship after marriage. If people are getting married just for the sake of getting married, things get a LOT worse after marriage because there's no more reason to be nice. For some people, it could be a green card. Some people do it for money. Be super nice --> get married --> get citizenship --> run away (or start cheating).




> I feel that she has spoiled a potentially good thing by thowing temper tantrums about not having a ring. It is this behavior that has made me more reluctant. Remember, most of this two year period has been stressful. Help anyone?


Maybe tell her to buy her own damn ring. If she flips out, then she's garbage.
I bought my own ring, and my gf bought hers. Mine is exactly what I was willing to pay - $65. Hers was like $600 or something. This isn't a one way street where 1 person is a prize and the other is total garbage. She must really hate your guts if she demands money just to hang out with you. That's not even sex; that's just hanging out and being seen with you. If she actually liked you, she would hang out with you for free.

It's worth noting that she might actually be a psychopath. Most humans _need_ close relationships with other humans. The ones who don't are called psychopaths. Their relationships with people are all for personal gain; there is little or no emotional connection. They tend to be very manipulative, sometimes through threats and sometimes through charm. Psychopaths can be extremely charming and friendly, and that's what makes them so dangerous. 

Seriously, read this entire wiki article. It's one of the most interesting things I've ever read.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

goldstandard said:


> thank you for your replys. I am tired of her anger. She even started withholding intimacy until after she got a ring. After the 5 month date which was Christmas, I gave her a gold locket. She went to the local jeweler the next day and priced a ring for herself, came to my house, and told me that I had two weeks to decide. I was stunned. *Her mother even called me and told me to get off my a$$ and that I was using her*. The thought of having her as a mother in law frightens me.


This is before even getting the ring, can you imagine how MIL will be years down the road in marriage? You're in for a whole lotta trouble, bounce before waste anymore second.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

You should probably send a thank you note to her and her mother because they might have just saved you from a life of terror with the both of them.


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## DownUnder (Jul 30, 2011)

wow, im not even in your position and i have this overwheming urge to run...

that girl is scary and her mother is even more scarier...


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

cheatinghubby said:


> You should probably send a thank you note to her and her mother because they might have just saved you from a life of terror with the both of them.


If you want to throw gas on this fire, tell them you found the _man_ of your dreams and that's why you're ending the relationship.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

ShawnD said:


> If you want to throw gas on this fire, tell them you found the _man_ of your dreams and that's why you're ending the relationship.


LOL, I think the look on her mom's face would be worth doing this.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Mavash. said:


> Wow. This is a HUGE red flag. Can you just imagine your future if you did marry her?


I can


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

user said:


> Marry her.
> 
> If things go bad, just cheat on her and divorce her.
> 
> Everyone else does it.


You can cheat on someone without marrying them. Go with that option. Tell her you cheated on her with another man :smthumbup:

She might physically attack you or vandalize your property if you say that.


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## legalgirl91 (Apr 11, 2012)

I want you to know that I posted today as a girl who would like more of a commitment from her bf. I would also like you to know that as that girl, I would never ever ever ever act the way your gf is to you about proposing. Tell her from a girl who also likes the idea of marriage, I want to COMPROMISE with my bf and work with him so he feels ready, not come up with ways to be a psycho.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

legalgirl91 said:


> I want you to know that I posted today as a girl who would like more of a commitment from her bf. I would also like you to know that as that girl, I would never ever ever ever act the way your gf is to you about proposing. Tell her from a girl who also likes the idea of marriage, I want to COMPROMISE with my bf and work with him so he feels ready, not come up with ways to be a psycho.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lawl, that is exactly what she did... "Move in with me or we are done" and trying to get married and have kids by 30. She has been with the guy for a year, his mom is dying, and she is pressuring for marriage.

Legalgirl is a narcissist with an inexplicable lack of logic. :scratchhead:

And to the OP: Run! God, what a psycho. Should have called it off at 5 months when she started, what a looney.


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## Someone82 (Apr 12, 2012)

If you marry her, you'll have not one woman to take care of, but two, her mother. When that happen, your boat will sink to the bottom with all of you. But, you should be thinking of yourself in this situation. As someone said "Run, Forrest, Ruuun"...


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Have not read all the replies, but what is it with women who force a man's hand like that? What a turnoff. I know so many women who did just that (although, not so crazy as in the OPs case); then come running to show off the ring. Who cares? I would always think...it's like buying yourself a trophy and saying you won the tournament.


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## nnoodle (Jul 10, 2011)

I am coming at this from a bit different tack. 

Rewind about 14 yrs. My boyfriend and I were living together (4yrs). He had the ring for 6 months. Everyone kept asking me when was he going to propose. I said when he is ready. 

My birthday went by. Christmas went by. Valentines day went by. I kept waiting. Finally, I said is this what you want? Decide. 

Keep in mind, we were living together and had been. We were looking at houses, had moved out of state together and even looking at wedding venues (his ideas, not mine. I thought they were way too expensive for our budget!). He began talking about marriage 2 yrs into our relationship. 

Still no proposal. Finally, I said its time. Either you want to marry me or not. If not, you need to move out. We can continue to date but I need to know where you stand. 

Two weeks later, the ring was thrown in my lap as I watched tv with "Lets do this". That was in March. 

(do not even ask why this was an acceptable proposal to me...stupid, stupid, stupid on my part)

We set the wedding date for the following April (a year engagement so I could finish my MA). His mom promptly took over the wedding plans. My hopes for a small outdoor wedding at a state park went out the window.

3 months after our "engagement" I had to a horrible reaction to my noraplant birthcontrol, ended up in the hospital and had to have it removed. I went on the pill instead. 2 months later, ding ding ding. Pregnant. 

My fiance instisted on a justice of the peace wedding immediately. No child of his would be born out of wedlock! Seriously? It wasn't an issue for me but seemed very important to him so I said okay. I was worn down by the ever morphing wedding that in no way resembled what my fiance and I had ever wanted or discussed. His mother had utterly taken over and had the power of the purse. 

At that point, all I wanted was to marry the guy I loved. I didn't care about the timing, wedding, in-laws. I wanted peace and quiet. 

Fastforward 14 years. No idea if my husband really wanted to marry me or if it was some weird rebellion against his mother. No idea if he wanted to marry me or if he was just 'going along with what was expected of him" due to the length of our relationship. No idea if he wanted to marry me or if he felt he had to due to the pregnancy. 



DO NOT MARRY THIS GIRL IF IT IS NOT A CHOICE YOU ARE MAKING WILLINGLY 100% on your own. It has to be full in. If you have any doubts don't. 

You will do a disservice to yourself, your future children and you spouse.


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## RelationshipAdviceHelp (Apr 12, 2012)

A couple of things:

First: I agree with the others (and the Forrest Gump pic) - RUN! What about this woman is keeping you there?

Second: I know you were burned before, but after 2 years you ought to know whether or not you want to marry her. Sleeping with her while you "think about it" probably is (to quote her mother) "using her".

Best of luck on your NEXT relationship,

Will


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

Thank you for your response. Yes I am running the other direction. I don't know if it could be that I was using her because I think she wanted it as much as I did or at least she ACTED like she did not thinking there were ulterir motives. If she would have let things happen naturally and not appear so needy, I think it very well could have developed into an engagement. I am not in a hurry and she is done with kids so what is her hurry!! I was burned before and taken to the cleaners. I own my own business and it took me a long time to recover both financially and emotionally.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

She wanted the business! She'd get HALF! Holy crap no.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Woo-hoo, goldstandard!

You are the Gold Standard in standing up for yourself! Good decision and well done, man.

...can you PLEASE let us know how it goes when you give her her 'walking papers'? Yes, I am JUST that mean!


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

mention pre-nup, and see her reaction...you will then see her true colors.


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

Update! I told her that it is over and to not send me any more emails. I mentioned that I am tired of feeling guilty for not getting her engaged. You see, when she got pregnant 17 years ago, she was living with baby daddy who told her he did not want children. I asked her after the baby was born why she was living with her own parents who were taking care of the baby while she worked. She said that Baby daddy gave her a choice of either moving out or getting an abortion. Well, she moved out. She planned the pregnancy and admitted that to me when we were friends 17 years ago. I asked her why if she wanted children and he didn't, why she just didn't break up with him and find someone else who wanted a baby som day. She said at the time that she didn't think she would meet anyone else. Needless to say, her daughter has never had a father. Fast forward to now and she has a 16 year old and she was grooming me to be the father.

Now that it is over, she is still emailing me today still wanting to communicate. I have ignored her emails. It is kind of sad. If she would have played her cards differently and let our relationship grow naturally, things may have been different.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, it shows how sneaky she was back then to plan a pregnancy with someone who didn't want kids. 

It will sting for a while, but you will soon see that you dodged a big bullet. 

She doesn't love you, nor did she love her daughter's father. She just has a script in her head of how she wants her life to be and you just happen to have a penis and can fill that role.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

here comes the love bombs

good idea to ignore it, best not to send mixed messages and make a clean break


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

goldstandard said:


> You see, when she got pregnant 17 years ago, she was living with baby daddy who told her he did not want children... She planned the pregnancy and admitted that to me when we were friends 17 years ago.


Duuuuuuuude. That is the biggest red flag a woman can give to run for the hills. That is one of the worst things a woman can do to a man, that kind of betrayal is unfathomable. >.>

Guess you lucked out that she didn't decide she wanted a second?


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

Yes. Even though she had been through menopause, I wore two rain coats for double protection.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Wow, what a scheming, lying, manipulator! I can't believe she would do that to her CHILD (bringing her into the world on purpose KNOWING the father would never want her). And doing that to her BF (on purpose) runs a CLOSE 2nd. 

Dodged a bullet? Gold, I think you dodged a MISSILE!!! Any woman who could do that purposely to a child and her SO with NO REGARD for their feelings for her own selfish purposes (maybe for the security of having bills paid?) is totally without conscience. Who knows what cr*p she would have pulled on you in the future?!?

Just have to say, I can't believe that you still would have considered having a relationship (and possible marriage) with a woman that you KNEW was this conniving, if she only hadn't been so pushy about getting engaged!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

So she's older and her mom still called you? :rofl:

Not like you are all young and she was wasting her life waiting for you to marry her.

:rofl: I just got the funniest visual of her old mother calling you.

Wtf?


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

I read the start of this thread yesterday. In response to the ultimatum-for-marriage issue, I have to stand up and say on a general note, I gave my OH an ultimatum at the end of last year. We set a date this year or I am leaving. We'd been together for four years, two children together, lived together, and he always had a reason why it wasn't the "right" time to get married, although he professed he really did want to.

I realised I could stay in this self-perpetuating situation for another 5/10/15/etc years and STILL not be married to him. I felt that I was being strung along. I believe if I'm good enough to shack up with, have children with and look after them, I'm good enough to marry. So I told him. Set a date by the end of 2011 or I'll "have to consider my future here."

We set a date, and four months later we're married. He's more than happy and says he doesn't know why he kept putting it off. I'm happy. I purposely left some of the major arrangements to him figuring if he truly wanted to, he'd get off his ass and sort it. Which he did. So it CAN work - done right and for the right reasons.


However... After five months... Way too short a time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

goldstandard said:


> Thank you for your response. Yes I am running the other direction. I don't know if it could be that I was using her because I think she wanted it as much as I did or at least she ACTED like she did not thinking there were ulterir motives. If she would have let things happen naturally and not appear so needy, I think it very well could have developed into an engagement. I am not in a hurry and she is done with kids so what is her hurry!! I was burned before and taken to the cleaners. I own my own business and it took me a long time to recover both financially and emotionally.


She wants security and is disregarding compatibility. She is in a tricky spot, socially. I saw no mention, but it seems she is fairly young (rather inmature). And if she and her mom are pushing for marriage she is not handling her responsibilities very well.

The reality is that single parents have a tougher time dating. I felt it myself with very limited dating experience. Children are draining because it takes much to parent. By necessity, anyone I date will be second to my young child.

Then, not being able to bear more children creates an additional hurdle. Most people envision getting married and then having their own kids at some point. Some envision getting married and then enjoying life. I doubt getting married and then devoting oneself to raising someone else's child is a situation many people want to get into.

So, you look like a jackpot. She would have someone who would accept her life circumstances and be financially ambitious. It's possible she would have tried to get you to scurry around for her, under the guise of "you don't have a boss keeping an eye out; you can get that done any time".


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

goldstandard said:


> Update! I told her that it is over and to not send me any more emails. I mentioned that I am tired of feeling guilty for not getting her engaged. You see, when she got pregnant 17 years ago, she was living with baby daddy who told her he did not want children. I asked her after the baby was born why she was living with her own parents who were taking care of the baby while she worked. She said that Baby daddy gave her a choice of either moving out or getting an abortion. Well, she moved out. She planned the pregnancy and admitted that to me when we were friends 17 years ago. I asked her why if she wanted children and he didn't, why she just didn't break up with him and find someone else who wanted a baby som day. She said at the time that she didn't think she would meet anyone else. Needless to say, her daughter has never had a father. Fast forward to now and she has a 16 year old and she was grooming me to be the father.
> 
> Now that it is over, she is still emailing me today still wanting to communicate. I have ignored her emails. It is kind of sad. If she would have played her cards differently and let our relationship grow naturally, things may have been different.


Holy crap! She is in her mid-30's and still playing these games with you? And she hasn't managed to strike out on her own and sever those ties with her mom?

Granted, her child being 16 means that you won't have much parenting to do (at least from an oversight thing). But, you can count on this kid having learned to be unambitious and manipulative from his mother. Good luck trying to get this kid to get a job.

Also, your wife being that age means that she has done all the growing up to be had willingly.


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## goldstandard (Apr 9, 2012)

Well, last night she launched a few missles at me via message machine getting it off her chest that I am a loser bum and that she and her daughter are much better without me in their life. She wasted two years of her life putting faith in my ability to hoist her and her daughter up on my white horse and rescue them from a mundane lifestyle to give them a more fruitful existence. She wanted me to take the bait by calling her back to defend myself and claim that I am not the big bad wolf but I didn't. If it makes her feel better by putting a target of me on the wall and throwing darts, so be it. The damsel in distress has provoked her 82 year old parents to travel all the way from California to comfort her. I have just received a few hang up calls this morning.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Yeah, rescue her from a mundane lifestyle....

...does that mean paying for 16yo's upcoming college education?
...does that mean paying for 16yo's apartment/car/fun when she graduates high-school because she's got piss-poor grades and won't be attending college; and she's too lazy/manipulative to WORK for a living?
...does that mean paying for 16yo's wedding (no doubt lavish and over-the-top) when the time comes?

Am SO GLAD you're out, GoldStandard, BUT...

I've got to say that I hope you learned the lesson that came out of all this. You KNEW what a lying, conniving, manipulative b*tch she was to this girl's father 17 years ago. You knew it then and you know it now. Why would you give her the time of day, much less date her, much less CONSIDER marrying her....even stating that if she hadn't been such a pushy b*tch about getting engaged, you might have reached the engagement/marriage state all in your own time?

Please take some time to reflect on this situation before you begin looking again. Ask yourself why you were involved with someone that you KNEW was like this. I mean, not to be too crude, but I *own* one....and I can GUARANTEE you, they don't make 'em THAT GOOD...


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## lou (Apr 22, 2011)

goldstandard said:


> Well, last night she launched a few missles at me via message machine getting it off her chest that I am a loser bum and that she and her daughter are much better without me in their life. She wasted two years of her life putting faith in my ability to hoist her and her daughter up on my white horse and rescue them from a mundane lifestyle to give them a more fruitful existence. She wanted me to take the bait by calling her back to defend myself and claim that I am not the big bad wolf but I didn't. If it makes her feel better by putting a target of me on the wall and throwing darts, so be it. The damsel in distress has provoked her 82 year old parents to travel all the way from California to comfort her. I have just received a few hang up calls this morning.


Good for you, stay strong. Sounds like you managed to avoid a serious crazy train!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ewwwww you should NEVER have to rescue anyone. That's a onesided relationship.

You're awesome.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

:rofl: her parents are funny too. What a bunch of whack jobs.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

okay everyone. No need to bombard the absent woman (OP's girl) with all sorts of insults.

She was trying to be selfish and it didn't work. No need to hang her upside down and call her names 

Goldstandard, be more careful next time.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

If you've been given an ultimatum would you feel uncomfortable and when you get the same thing?


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