# Husband Won't Stop Talking Sh*t



## Avery777 (May 2, 2011)

I'm just going to make this short, because otherwise it would be a long story. 

How do you deal with someone who is constantly criticizing you and blaming you for everything? My husband will go on for_ literally hours _ *non-stop*about how I am to blame for everything that is going wrong in our lives from the second I walk in the door every single day until we go to sleep. It's driving me insane, and I find myself not even wanting to come home anymore. 

If I try talking to him about it, it just turns into a bigger argument with him going on for an hour more than he normally would had I not said anything at all, so usually I just keep my mouth shut and pray he'll do the same. 

I've never met anyone in my life who talks as much as he does, and other people tell me the same all the time. It's not just me, but no matter who he's talking to, he will talk for hours and won't let you get a word in and then cuts you off the second you do speak... Not that you will ever get a chance to speak because there are no pauses between his sentences, so you have to cut _him_ off just to even be a part of the conversation...which oddly irritates him even though he does it to others all the time.

Not that I am an alcoholic by any means, but lately I find myself wanting to slam a bottle of whiskey just to deal with him. 

Really I'm just venting, but who else am I going to talk to? :banghead:


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Well for me, that was my boyfriend. He was mentally abusive. Everything was my fault, no matter what it was. I got called names, insulted, etc. The only difference is that he would intersperse his mean comments with moments of niceness so I would second guess myself and think that I was overreacting or that he was right about what he said. 

For me, the way to deal with it was to finally leave him. I tried talking to him, but it never did any good. Leaving was the only way to solve it. And I only just did that yesterday. 

I wish I had better advice for you.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

One day I had a lightbulb moment.
My H is like yours.

Does your H also ask you leading questions so when he's insulting you he can be 'in your world' a bit better. I will call this tactic infiltration. Like asking about knitting, how is it going, did I buy any yarn lately or am I making anything new...and then saying that so-and-so said that knitting is a waste of time, you can buy a hat for less than the yarn costs, what a stupid hobby. Or asking if you went to the Post Office and if you did groceries, and then asking why you didn't combine the trip to save gas (all of 2 miles' worth) ...when in fact you needed to swing by home to take the laundry out of the wash that was finishing while you were at the Post Office and hang it out so it could dry while you were doing groceries. I mean, come on, don't you think a person would combine the trip unless there was an actual reason to go back home?

Anyway, one day when I was mad at him due to his EA and having realized how abusive he'd been to me emotionally and verbally and just chatter chatter chatter chatter never able to leave a peaceful silent person alone or be counted on not to launch a toilet flush of verbage into the room, I recalled his old school reports his mom had saved and sent him, and that we had on our bookshelves. I took them out and read through them - sure enough - years upon years of documentation of CHATTERING and DISCIPLINE problems and RESTLESSNESS. It's NOT ME. And, second lightbulb moment, his mother KNEW about these problems and continued to ignore them.

You could read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". Just don't let your H see it. I've done individual therapy, and at the second private (me only) MC, I was given this book.

You need to start doing stuff for yourself and deflecting what he sends your way to try to derail you. It's like learning a whole new language. Don't listen to what he actually says, instead hear the message that he wants control. You know as well as I do that is not going to happen. 

I also try to think of him as though he is a child, and use the same tactics I use on my children were they to behave and talk like that. Obviously he did not have enough parenting, s*cks that I have to do it, but path of least resistance rules apply.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

That is my dad and he is emotionally abusive to everyone in his world. I agree with homemaker you need to look for the message behind the words. What is it that he's trying to control. Address that and you've got a shot at deflecting it.

For example my dad sent my sister this scathing e-mail. She started to defend herself but instead forwarded it to me. I immediately read his fear about losing control in the message. I told her to address THAT not what he was actually saying. She never heard another word from him on that subject. It worked!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My wife has an uncle like that. He doesn't talk trash but he just talks and talks and talks.....An average phone call can go 4 - 4 1/2 hrs while he yammers about who knows what.


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