# How do you keep it exciting?



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Quick question...for those of you that indicated in other posts you have sex several times a week, how do you keep it exciting?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Quick question...for those of you that indicated in other posts you have sex several times a week, how do you keep it exciting?


It _isn't_ always exciting, but it's always satisfying (especially compared to _not_ having sex!). There is only so much we (or anyone, I think) can do to change things up and try new things - at some point you've exhausted everything you're willing to even try. We've had poly, open, and swinging relationships with others, and that has always been exciting - someone new is almost always _exciting_, even though it is seldom _better_. What makes this work is that the excitement carries back into our relationship and keeps things fresh and fun.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

As someone who has been married to the same woman for 49 years and sex twice a week. I would agree that regular intimacy and emotional connection is so much better than any alternative. it does not need to be exciting, it does need to be emotionally special. I personally think that there is way to much pressure on "performance." Sex should be fun and playful as well as emotionally connecting.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Quick question...for those of you that indicated in other posts you have sex several times a week, how do you keep it exciting?


Spanking, teasing, tickling her with odd objects.

Pretending I am clergy( I technically am) and under the pretense of blessing her, I molest her which always makes her giggle.

Just regular good clean fun.

I sometimes pretend to be an old man asking a young lady for some kind of obnoxious massage.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

The usual way.

We vary what we do and sometimes how we do it. Plus as the years have gone by, we sometimes start sharing things that we haven't done together, or haven't done at all.

We also do things for a while, then let them go and often revisit such things further down the track as well.

We also flirt and use sexual innuendo, plus talk to each other crudely about sex. We don't apologise for our base urges, are often sexually forward and direct and I am sometimes insistent in expressing what I want.

We infrequently view pornography together, because it can be a distraction from our attention towards each other. While more significantly it is a mostly passive activity, so we often eschew that kind of thing when we play together.

That said we do view pornography and even make our own, so we appreciate it.

We also don't have a television in our bedroom either, since that is another distraction as well.

Plus we don't place sex on a pedestal, it isn't sacred, it isn't spiritual, it doesn't have a higher meaning. It's just a wanton and animal urge that we have to consume the other carnally.

Sex certainly isn't always exciting and we don't need or want it to be. So it meanders through being pleasant all the way through to being exciting. Plus on limited occasions it has sometimes been lame and disappointing. Yet all of that wonderful variation helps to, underline all of the especially splendid sexual experiences we share.

We don't let shame rule, we don't apologise for our scars, our aging or our imperfections.

We still like each other, we still enjoy chatting and being together as well. Plus we still like the sex we share.

As to variety, we'll share sex outdoors in the summer rain. We'll **** each other standing up, in the fog at an internationally renowned tourist site. We'll have sex at public beaches, or outside in national parks. We pull over in the middle of nowhere on the side of a road to **** each other. We share sex in our lounge room, dining room, kitchen, bathroom, my office and our bedroom. We do it on beds, tables, stairwells, floors, against walls, on chairs, on toilets and anywhere else that works. We **** on in and against our cars. We do it in hotels, some parks, on balconies, behind bushes, rocks and on open mountainsides.

We'll fondle almost anywhere; including sometimes in public places and on public transport. My wife often goes out with me sans a bra and sometimes leaves her knickers off, for easy access as well. Or I will reach under her dress or skirt and pull her panties off before we leave our home to go somewhere.

My wife also flashes me frequently on request. Plus she poses for photographs while flashing, when naked and or while having sex or just afterwards. While she is also happy for me to film her whenever I want, while we have sex. Plus (albeit rarely) we sometimes post our pictures, on a fetish friendly website as well.

We also vary our sex positions in addition to locations. Plus my wife isn't shy about doing stuff on her own initiative. So she will start giving me a prostate massage while giving me oral sex. Or she will lick my nipples for a while, or put my testicles in her mouth on and on etc.

Although for the most part I lead her sexually and frequently tell her what to do.

So I a stick my toes inside her, I fist her, I pee in her mouth, or anus, I bite her nipples. I tell her to rim me and she does, and does it well. We sometimes use restraints and do so much more besides.

Without warning I will start kissing her, then start fondling her and just stop and walk away or keep going. I sometimes start kissing her and just bend her over and pull her knickers down before taking her or even then stopping and walking away to build excitement for later.

I even vary where I ejaculate with her. So I variously often ejaculate inside her vagina, inside her rectum, on her face, in her mouth, in her vagina or anus for the fist squirt followed by pulling out to finish on her face and in her mouth. Or I will start to ejaculate in her vagina then put my penis in her anus, before putting it in her mouth after that as well.

We also kiss a lot, and still give each other hickeys.

My wife tells me that she finds it exciting that I tell her what to do sexually. She finds it exciting that I desire her lustfully, and that I want to use her for my pleasure. She likes when we are out, that I sometimes have my way with her in unexpected locations.

She also likes that I am good at getting her to orgasm easily without any motorised aids. Via penis in vagina sex, or penis in anus sex, or penis in vagina and fingers in anus sex, or oral sex, finger banging and fisting.

She finds it exciting that I treat her as a wanton sexual animal that craves being ****ed. She likes that I don't schedule sex, and that I am direct in taking to her and telling her what to do sexually. She likes that I am confident, self assured and non apologetic for my carnal desires. While she likes that I am fine with her, whenever she says “no” and that I don’t sulk about it

Even after writing all of that, it doesn't capture all of how we keep our sex life going. Yet there is certainly repetition, in what we share and we have lots of vanilla sex as well.

So there has been lots of times amongst the several thousand times we have shared sex, through more than 24 years. When just kissing and doing missionary has been splendidly luscious and exciting. Plus missionary is a great position for achieving orgasms for the woman, with penis in vagina sex.

At the end of the day though, we still have lots of fun doing it with each other. Which is why we keep sharing lots of sex together.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Quick question...for those of you that indicated in other posts you have sex several times a week, how do you keep it exciting?


Passive aggressive temper tantrums. 

I once read the story of an HD guy that had a very HD wife. When she got home from work, she wanted to relax by having fun in the bedroom. One day he decided to self pleasure himself without release so that once she jumped in the bed he would climax in seconds and then have the equivalent of induced erectile disfunction. The result would be that she could not get any satisfaction and she would work extra to try and get him erect again to no avail. The guy found this to be very fun and exciting for whatever reason.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Some interesting replies so thanks. I thought there would be more than 5 but maybe not as many people have frequent sex than I think they do? Maybe you all are the only 5?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Some interesting replies so thanks. I thought there would be more than 5 but maybe not as many people have frequent sex than I think they do? Maybe you all are the only 5?


I wouldn't expect tons of people here to be having sex multiple times a week. Those who are, some may be doing it but it doesn't mean their sex life is great and exciting.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

bobert said:


> I wouldn't expect tons of people here to be having sex multiple times a week.


Except for those with sexually limiting medical problems, or who are in their 70s and up, or are those who don't have any sexual partners at all. I would expect tons of people here, to be sharing sex with somebody multiple times a week.

One thing for sure as the year I turn 50, is only a few months away. I can't imagine choosing to settle for less than multiple times a week, through the next decade and hopefully the one after.

Given that I still frequently share sex with my 50 year old wife, at 2-3x a day through some days of the week, In addition to the 1x a day sex we also share, through some of the other days of the week as well.



> Those who are, some may be doing it but it doesn't mean their sex life is great and exciting.


Really?

I can't imagine wanting to have sex with anyone multiple times a week or at all, if the sex wasn't frequently great and often exciting.

I mean why bother sharing sex with someone going forward, if the sex with them often sux? 

Of which to that end I dumped one woman, when I found sex with her especially disappointing,( at her insistence in the dark with the lights off, missionary only, limited kissing and no oral sex). While I dumped another, when I grew bored of the sex we shared (insufficient repertoire, including no anal sex).

So I figure one would do very well to refuse to share sex with any person, when sharing sex with them frequently sux.

Since for some of us the quality of the sex we share, certainly relates to the frequency of having that sex.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Personal said:


> Except for those with sexually limiting medical problems, or who are in their 70s and up, or are those who don't have any sexual partners at all. I would expect tons of people here, to be sharing sex with somebody multiple times a week.
> 
> One thing for sure as the year I turn 50, is only a few months away. I can't imagine choosing to settle for less than multiple times a week, through the next decade and hopefully the one after.
> 
> Given that I still frequently share sex with my 50 year old wife, at 2-3x a day through some days of the week, In addition to the 1x a day sex we also share, through some of the other days of the week as well.


I think we have all seen enough men and women here, and elsewhere, complaining about sex to know that not everyone is banging like rabbits. That's why I wouldn't expect tons of people here to be having sex several times a week. For many, if they were they wouldn't be here in the first place. Even in my personal life, most of my friends complain about their sex life. So just because (in your opinion) people should be having mind-blowing sex several times a week, doesn't mean they are. 

And not everybody even _wants _to be having sex 10+ times a week. Personally, I have no interest in that. I wouldn't be able to do it anymore even if it was an option. My body taps out after 2-3 days in a row, and more than once a day is impossible now, and I'm in my mid-30's. I highly doubt I'm the only male on the planet with a **** sex drive. 



> Really?
> 
> I can't imagine wanting to have sex with anyone multiple times a week, or at all, if the sex wasn't frequently great and often exciting.
> 
> ...


In normal circumstances my wife would do it everyday, multiple times a day, if I wanted. I don't want to and most of the time I have very little desire to have sex with her. Partly because my sex drive sucks, partly because the sex sucks, and there are some other factors as well like resentment, issues with her having cheated, me being emotionally disconnected during sex, etc. It's a means to an end at this point. 

She was put on pelvic rest back in early May which means no penetration, no oral (for her), no toys, not touching (not even boobs), nada. She was taken off pelvic rest maybe 2-3 weeks ago but I'm not jumping at the opportunity to do anything. Partly because our marriage is in no place for that but also because why would I want to? The sex won't be good, I know she's not actually into it, she won't orgasm and has no desire to try, and it's guaranteed that she'll start crying during or after sex and I'll have a ton of emotional cleanup to do. So fun!! She's having a baby, probably in the next 8-9 weeks, then even the ****ty sex will be totally off the menu for months. Then she'll force herself to do it to keep me around but where's the fun in that? So I have that to look forward to for the next year, at least. 

We have gone through periods of having more frequent sex, which is why I said just because some people might be doing it frequently doesn't mean it's good or exciting (and therefore may have nothing to contribute). I obviously agree that there isn't much point or fun having sex when the sex sucks. 

Great that you dumped some women who weren't great in bed, but that's not so easy if you married them now is it? Of course you could say "divorce them" but that's not so easy either, especially if they want it to be better, try, put in an effort, etc. So that pretty easily sticks the person in the "definitely not having sex 10+ times a week" category.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Some interesting replies so thanks. I thought there would be more than 5 but maybe not as many people have frequent sex than I think they do? Maybe you all are the only 5?


To be serious, the means to keep intimacy exciting in a relationship is highly personalized. What works for couple A) that enjoys role play will not work for couple B) that enjoys tantric sexual meditation with multiple partners. What works for couples A) & B) will then not work for couple C) that is into exclusive partner-based romance of wanting to truly know each other and just be themselves. Then you have couples E), F), & G) that might have various sexual orientations different than your own. 

However is there one key ingredient that works for all of the above? Generally speaking it involves an element of mystery that creates curiosity and anticipation. I can not tell you what this mysterious thing is though or that would completely ruin the surprise and all the excitement.

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## ~YaYa~ (Oct 8, 2020)

I am actually not married yet, but will be walking down the aisle the day after Christmas this year with them man I have been with for 7 years and have lived with for 3 of those years. As you can imagine we are still quite young so we have sex during the week and especially on the weekends. For us, it isn't really about just having sex. It is about spending close intimate time together. What I mean especially on the weekends when we are both free most of the day we can spend many hours together in bed and just a small part of it is the sex. Don't get me wrong it is a beautiful part of it, but it isn't the entire experience. Maybe plan an entire evening just to spend it together in bed together.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

~YaYa~ said:


> On the weekends when we are both free most of the day we can spend many hours together in bed.


Enjoy it while it lasts, then adapt, because it will be long gone if you decide to have kids.


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## ~YaYa~ (Oct 8, 2020)

bobert said:


> Enjoy it while it lasts, then adapt, because it will be long gone if you decide to have kids.


We want kids and we know we will have to adapt to that, but we will find time for ourselves.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

~YaYa~ said:


> We want kids and we know we will have to adapt to that, but we will find time for ourselves.


Having a family is great, don't get me wrong... but don't fool yourself that it will be just a matter of finding time. I recently finished reading a book on this exact topic and reconciling the dynamics of being both a parent and spouse is a challenge that psychologists sometimes refer to the process as, "total annihilation of self." In that the person you were before will be gone and a new one will emerge that is known as So an So's Mom. Dad's are placed under tremendous stress to provide. _Did you see the doctor's bill for that double ear infection and why do ear drops have to cost $300 for such a tiny bottle?_ ...ready to have sex now? 

So how do you keep things exciting during all that as the OP may be curious. Well when a couple becomes parents the challenge to find time alone in itself can create unique opportunities. Like doing in the car before unloading groceries or going out on the balcony for some fresh air. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

We do it 4-5 times a week, but they're quickies...we have 2 kids under 4 yrs old...so it's hard to spice it up...Boy I miss those days.


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## GirlBetrayed (Oct 9, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Quick question...for those of you that indicated in other posts you have sex several times a week, how do you keep it exciting?


Married 20 years. We role play in costume (I’m a cop And he’s getting arrested. Teacher/ naughty student. French maid and traveling businessman. We laugh the whole time but it’s sexy as hell. We also get very spontaneous. Sex in the car. In random places in the house. We get a hotel now and then to be away from the kids. Lingerie. I bought corsets and thigh high Stockings, and man, they get him going. We go out to wherever, get a little tipsy and I get fresh. It’s always a fun walk back to the car. I find if we behave like horny teens, it makes it much more fun!


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

We've been married for over 30 years and have sex every other day at least. How to keep it exciting? Sometimes it's not. But it's always a treat to get naked together. That never gets old. My wife and I go to the gym several times a week. So it helps that we are in good shape and like looking at each other naked. Being fit has been a big help for keeping it fresh in the bedroom. I highly recommend it.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

bobert said:


> Enjoy it while it lasts, then adapt, because it will be long gone if you decide to have kids.


Speak for yourself.

Throughout my 2+4 year sexual relationship with my wife (married for 21+ years), we have enjoyed sharing lots of sex together, from when we started dating. Then through living together, through our engagement and first being married. Plus through all of my wife's pregnancies and through raising both of our children.

While we've also weathered being separated for weeks, through months at a time as a consequence of my military service. We also got through redundancy, Moving house many times, raising kids far from our families of origin to lean on.

Plus we have dealt with my wife's breast cancer, thyroid surgery, her having a leg broken very badly at work, plus being hit by a speeding car when we were dating which saw her get plastic surgery to repair the damage to her face amongst other injuries. While we also parent one child who has in recent times been severely afflicted with a terrible and life threatening mental illness.

Yet through all of that we have loved one another, liked one another, not been cruel to each other, cared for each other and not nurtured resentment towards each other. So for us our wonderful sex life has always been a safe and pleasurable harbour from all that life throws at us.

Likewise even in my short lived first marriage, sex remained extremely plentiful up until I ended our relationship, even through pregnancy, birth and quickly afterwards to continue till our end.

So it isn't a given that sex will die in a sexual relationship, just because children are born.



~YaYa~ said:


> We want kids and we know we will have to adapt to that, but we will find time for ourselves.


If you both nourish your personal and sexual relationship positively and don't feed resentment, while continuing to like each other and enjoy the sex you share. If you don't shame one another sexually, and bring fun and pleasure to what you share. If you both make sure you make time for each other and for the sex you share, instead of hoping to find the time. You will have a splendid chance at enjoying a wonderful relationship together, into your future through children and other challenges.




GC1234 said:


> We do it 4-5 times a week, but they're quickies...we have 2 kids under 4 yrs old...so it's hard to spice it up...Boy I miss those days.


When our kids were that age, we made sure they were in bed by 7:30PM each evening which afforded us plenty of time and opportunity to play together.

Plus we always made sure we took some time, to spend together at other times as well. We also got well practiced at yelling "you can't come in" until we got doors with locks.

Then when they were much more able to fend for themselves and through their teenage years, we have had no hesitation in us "sleeping in" to have sex, "going to bed early" to have sex and "disappearing" unannounced in the middle of the day on weekends to have sex as well. Of which we have also had no qualms in telling our kids, we're going to have sex when they have explicitly asked.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Personal said:


> So it isn't a given that sex will die in a sexual relationship, just because children are born.


I didn't say sex would be long gone after kids. I said staying in bed for hours all weekend would be gone. 

And really, you have no clue what the pregnancy will be like, what (sometimes permanent) damage childbirth will do, what the kids will be like, etc. Your story isn't the description of everyone's, hard to believe, I know.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

On weekend mornings that's what Cap'n Crunch, plastic bowls, kid pourable milk containers and cartoons are for.

For mom and dad sleeping in.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> On weekend mornings that's what Cap'n Crunch, plastic bowls, kid pourable milk containers and cartoons are for.
> 
> For mom and dad sleeping in.


That may work for some families, but certainly not all.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

bobert said:


> Your story isn't the description of everyone's, hard to believe, I know.


The topic of this discussion is how to keep sex exciting in an ongoing long term sexual relationship with high frequency, which is something I have consistently done

Given that, you would do well to learn a thing or three. Instead of telling people how to have a miserable sex life, filled with resentment and infidelity.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Some interesting replies so thanks. I thought there would be more than 5 but maybe not as many people have frequent sex than I think they do? Maybe you all are the only 5?


I have sex multiple times a week with my husband of 25+ years. I just kinda thought the question sucked so I didn't want to ruin your fun by replying.

Being a woman who has visited TAM for a few years. It just seems like men are never satisfied.
First they complain they don't get enough sex.
Then they complain they get sex but it she doesn't seem in to it.
Then it is I get sex, she's into it but well it isn't exciting enough after xxx years.

I mean we have a few positions, a few toys, mix it up a little but really can't you have good satisfying sex without some new novelty? This seems like porn in a way. You have to keep upping it to make it new. Soon you need 2 men and a monkey or some ****.

So I guess my answer is it is exciting because we are still having fun, still orgasming and we have some variety. But mostly because I'm really emotionally and physically invested in the one I'm having sex with.

And thanks for the thread that I now have to go off and worry that my hubby is bored.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Anastasia6 said:


> And thanks for the thread that I now have to go off and worry that my hubby is bored.


I don’t think you should be worried, since what follows is why it is exciting.



Anastasia6 said:


> So I guess my answer is it is exciting because we are still having fun, still orgasming and we have some variety. But mostly because I'm really emotionally and physically invested in the one I'm having sex with.


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