# Things I like to hear from my wife



## shy_guy

This turned out to be a bit of a challenge to me because my wife’s first language is an east-Asian language that is not related to English at all. I understand what she says to me in her language – both the literal meanings of the words, as well as the idiomatic meaning, and the background of them, so they sound beautiful to me. However; when I start trying to translate words to a completely unrelated language, they don’t always sound so beautiful. Sometimes, they make no sense, and sometimes, they sound corny or overdone. 

I decided what I’d do is put which language she says these things in, and translate the implied meaning – what they mean in context and what they mean to me. I think the lesson learned from this is to learn the lady’s background and listen to what comes from her heart. If it sounds a bit overdone, look to see if it is in her language that this is spoken.

Please feel free to add yours below mine. I’d like the ladies to have a chance to hear what we like to hear from them. My case may be specialized enough that it may be difficult to draw from. Other husbands may be able to contribute more here.

*I love you* (both in her language, and in mine).

*Do well* (In her language: Implies “Be successful.” This is part of our farewell every morning, or every time I travel to take on a task.) Everyone likes to be encouraged, and to know someone is cheering for them.

*Have Power* (In her language: Implies I should draw from her, and be strong, push forward, and get the job done. This is an encouragement whenever I need encouragement).

*I’m proud of you* (In her language or mine). This happens only when I’ve really accomplished something, and that timing feeds into my need for sincerity. I may hear this after getting a promotion, or getting recognized for efforts on a project. Hearing my wife say this to me has a profoundly motivating effect on me. I’m ready to take on the next task.

*You did well* (In her language.) It’s always so nice to be acknowledged when I’ve worked hard at something.

*You’re such a good husband!* (Both her language and mine). No further words needed. Who wouldn’t feel appreciated when they hear this regularly?

I love sitting in my home office and listening to her talking with her friends. There is an axiom in her culture that says that love is dead after 20 years of marriage. I learned that axiom by listening to her friends talk. Her friends often complain about their husbands and say that they don’t like their husbands or that they’re tired of their husbands. I always hear my wife disagree with them and say she loves me, she’s proud of me, I’m a good man, It doesn’t have to be like that, and tell things that we’ve done together or that I’ve done for her. It’s nice to hear her remember things I did for her, and it’s very nice to hear her talk nice about me to her friends when it would be so easy to just go along with them. But she stands up to them, and stands up for me. It makes me feel so secure, and lets me know she is sincere when she tells me she loves me. I’m disappointed her friends feel like they do about their husbands, but I like hearing that my wife will stand up for me.

Sometimes, we pause and embrace. The top of her head reaches about the bottom of my ear, so when we hug, her nose is usually near the top of my shoulder. She often snuggles her nose into the front of my shirt, breathes in, smiles and closes her eyes as she exhales and says either in her language or in mine, *“mmm, my husband’s smell.”* Wow! What comfort and intimacy that communicates! I love to smell her just as much as she says she loves to smell me. 

Sometimes, when I get out of the shower, she’s in the bathroom getting ready. She usually says either in her language or mine: *”Ooh, sexy man!* It may be in a bit of a playful tone sometimes, but there is enough sincerity in it. It lets me know that she still finds me attractive. You know, sometimes men need to know that.

*“You’re so handsome!”* (Usually in her language. She uses different words when she says it in English). What man doesn’t need to hear this from his wife sometimes?

*Okay, wait a minute. Talk to your dad about it.* Two of our three kids are grown, graduated college, and are out on their own. She says this – usually in English – just before she hands the phone to me. It’s not that she doesn’t want to deal with what they’re talking about, it’s just that she thinks they need my input. It’s nice to be needed. It’s also nice to see your lady demonstrate to you that she thinks you’re a capable dad.

*When I’m old, I want to be together with you.* (Language isn’t important)

*If you’re not here, I can’t continue on.* (Her language) This is a beautiful way she has of telling me she needs me. I need to feel needed.

*When we’re old, I want us to look like them.* (Usually in her language) This is something she tells me when we’re out and see an elderly couple walking hand in hand enjoying each other’s company.

And it’s great when she sometimes jokes, even about things that may have meaning to them. For example, when I hear that *“woohoo, sexy butt”* from her if she follows me up the stairs in our house . Men are playful. The way she plays almost always makes me feel good.

*I appreciate that* or *Thank you* (Either language) She always makes it a point to tell me she appreciates what I’ve done – especially if I’ve done something like clean the kitchen after the meal, or fold the laundry. When I know she notices and appreciates, I’m more likely to think of it next time without any prompting.

Of course, this is nowhere near everything I like hearing from her. These are some of my favorites, though. I’ll hear at least one of these almost every day. Most days, I’ll hear several things from her that I really like to hear. It certainly makes me anxious to get home in the evenings to see her. It feels good to be told nice things.


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## gonefishin

I know my wife loves me when I hear

"Your annoying"
"I can not believe I married you"

or when she calls me at work and says "hey fool, I need you to pick up a couple things for me on the way home" 

or at night when I want to fool around and she says "oh my god, again!!

The list goes on and on.


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## Blanca

shy_guy said:


> *I’m proud of you* (In her language or mine). This happens only when I’ve really accomplished something, and that timing feeds into my need for sincerity. I may hear this after getting a promotion, or getting recognized for efforts on a project. Hearing my wife say this to me has a profoundly motivating effect on me. I’m ready to take on the next task.


My H says this to me all the time. I thought it was a strange thing to say and was quite puzzled that he would say it to me, but then i realized he wants me to say it to him. 

Why is this motivating for you? It does nothing for me and it actually makes me a little uncomfortable. I dont say it to my H that much because it feels almost parental. When I was younger I'd want parents, teachers, etc to praise me and say they were proud of me but it feels odd to say it to an adult. Does it not make you feel at all like a child when she says it to you?


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## shy_guy

Blanca said:


> My H says this to me all the time. I thought it was a strange thing to say and was quite puzzled that he would say it to me, but then i realized he wants me to say it to him.
> 
> Why is this motivating for you? It does nothing for me and it actually makes me a little uncomfortable. I dont say it to my H that much because it feels almost parental. When I was younger I'd want parents, teachers, etc to praise me and say they were proud of me but it feels odd to say it to an adult. Does it not make you feel at all like a child when she says it to you?


Think about this: If I just wanted a house for myself, a little studio apartment would be fine. I work for the house we have because I want my wife to have something she is proud of. I would never think of buying nice china or kitchen sets. I'm glad she does because I want her to have things that she is proud of. This list goes on and on.

I am employed by a certain company, but I work for my family, and my wife is the one that I made the family with. I don't want her to just subsist - I want her to thrive, and have things to show that she is proud of. That's why I work - she, and my kids are always on my mind, especially on those days when it would be easier to just walk away from that job.

When she has things she's proud of, then let's me know that she's proud of me ... that touches me very deeply. I recognize that she's recognized my work for her, and I'm secure that she still wants to be with me.


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## Blanca

shy_guy said:


> When she has things she's proud of, then let's me know that she's proud of me ... that touches me very deeply. I recognize that she's recognized my work for her, and I'm secure that she still wants to be with me.


Oh, I see. That's interesting to me because I would never interpret saying I was proud of someone as saying I recognized their work and wanted to be with them. If I thanked my H for his hard work and for the comfort and life he has provided for us, would that be the same thing?


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## shy_guy

Probably not, because thanking me is something she does pretty regularly. Telling me she is proud of me is something that happens when I make a breakthrough. I guess it's a bigger recognition for a bigger deal. I know it always touches me deeper than just a "thank you."


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## Blanca

well, i guess i dont really understand it then. I should probably say it because I'm sure it means just as much to him. but i just feel a little silly saying it.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

gonefishin said:


> I know my wife loves me when I hear
> 
> "Your annoying"
> "I can not believe I married you"
> 
> or when she calls me at work and says "hey fool, I need you to pick up a couple things for me on the way home"
> 
> or at night when I want to fool around and she says "oh my god, again!!
> 
> The list goes on and on.


hmm,
i guess my exw loved you too then, through me.

and then again, that wouldnt surprise me one bit. :/


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## nice777guy

I miss hearing "Stop picking at that or you'll get an infection!"

Really - helps to have someone looking after you sometimes!


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## shy_guy

Blanca said:


> well, i guess i dont really understand it then. I should probably say it because I'm sure it means just as much to him. but i just feel a little silly saying it.


I'd like for you to understand, so let me make one more attempt at explaining it. Keep in mind, however, that your husband may be different from me, so maybe he can explain it to you as well.

Let's change the wording on what I said earlier. I said I want her to have a house she can be proud of, and I want her to have china she can be proud of, etc. Changing that around, I can say very strongly that I want her to be _proud_ of her house. I want her to be _proud_ of her china when our friends come over for dinner. I want her to be _proud_ of <insert anything else that is important to her here>. I don't just want her to have it, I want it to be so good for her that she is PROUD of it.

Now, she turns that around to me and tells me she is PROUD of ME - something she values very highly in her life. She associates this with a big moment of accomplishment in my life, thus it is something she expects me to be proud of as well, and something she recognizes as important. When she tells me about it, she associates the pride (hers and mine) with that accomplishment. I WANT HER to be proud, therefore, I'm motivated toward the next accomplishment ... I want to make her proud again. 

Did I do better that time?


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## Blanca

shy_guy said:


> I'd like for you to understand, so let me make one more attempt at explaining it. Keep in mind, however, that your husband may be different from me, so maybe he can explain it to you as well.


I asked my H what it means to him when I say I'm proud of him and he basically reiterated what you said. 



shy_guy said:


> I want her to be _proud_ of her house. I want her to be _proud_ of her china when our friends come over for dinner. I want her to be _proud_ of <insert anything else that is important to her here>.


So if I insert you in the last sentence would that be accurate? Because to me it seems like you're equating yourself with an object or possession. I'm probably missing the point.



shy_guy said:


> Now, she turns that around to me and tells me she is PROUD of ME - something she values very highly in her life. She associates this with a big moment of accomplishment in my life, thus it is something she expects me to be proud of as well, and something she recognizes as important. When she tells me about it, she associates the pride (hers and mine) with that accomplishment. I WANT HER to be proud, therefore, I'm motivated toward the next accomplishment ... I want to make her proud again.
> 
> Did I do better that time?


I think what I can't get around is the feeling of praising a child. I hope I am not being rude; that's just how it seems to me. I have a lot of nieces and nephews who just glow if I say i'm proud of them or praise their accomplishment. They feed off of it and it really motivates them. I used to teach little kids and telling them i was proud of them was better then anything else. How is your wife saying she is proud of something you've done different from when I say it to my nephew? It doesnt feel different to me and that's where I get hung-up.


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## shy_guy

Blanca said:


> So if I insert you in the last sentence would that be accurate? Because to me it seems like you're equating yourself with an object or possession. I'm probably missing the point.


I'm not equating myself with an object. I'm seeing myself as something she counts as valuable in her life. 

The only way I would see myself as an object is if I thought she was really treating me as an object and saying that. She doesn't treat me like an object - she treats me as valuable. In the context where she says this, I can tell by the context that she wants to say something nice to me, so my mind will naturally find what she is saying that is nice. I don't really try to find anything wrong with it. If she were to slip up, then she's built up plenty of credit so I want to give her the benefit of the doubt first. But when she says this, I've never felt it needed the benefit of the doubt. I just saw it as her counting me as valuable, and expressing pride in me. I'm someone she wants to be with, and is proud to showcase.



Blanca said:


> I think what I can't get around is the feeling of praising a child. I hope I am not being rude; that's just how it seems to me. I have a lot of nieces and nephews who just glow if I say i'm proud of them or praise their accomplishment. They feed off of it and it really motivates them. I used to teach little kids and telling them i was proud of them was better then anything else. How is your wife saying she is proud of something you've done different from when I say it to my nephew? It doesnt feel different to me and that's where I get hung-up.


First, I don't think you're being rude at all. I think you asked an honest question, and it deserves an honest answer. 

Maybe we're not so different from children in some respects. We like to be recognized by the ones that are important to us - that's human nature, not just children's nature. 

It's different in that I don't equate my relationship with my wife with any relationship I've had with a teacher or parent. Searching deeply, I can't remember any time I've ever thought of my relationship to her in any way like a relationship to a teacher or a parent. The relationship is different, so hearing it from her is different. The similarity is that she is important to me, so being recognized by her is something I like. If she recognizes me in a way that she can take pride in me, then it is especially nice.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. I'll answer as honestly as I can. If you make me think, then I needed the exercise anyway .


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## Runs like Dog

Sandwiches downstairs!


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## Conrad

nice777guy said:


> I miss hearing "Stop picking at that or you'll get an infection!"
> 
> Really - helps to have someone looking after you sometimes!


You do know they now make shorts that don't ride up.


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## norajane

Blanca said:


> I think what I can't get around is the feeling of praising a child. I hope I am not being rude; that's just how it seems to me. I have a lot of nieces and nephews who just glow if I say i'm proud of them or praise their accomplishment. They feed off of it and it really motivates them. I used to teach little kids and telling them i was proud of them was better then anything else. How is your wife saying she is proud of something you've done different from when I say it to my nephew? It doesnt feel different to me and that's where I get hung-up.


It's different because you are praising him for being a man, your man, your man who just kicked butt and did something awesome that you recognize and value as a significant achievement...i.e., when you tell him you are proud of him, you are saying that you value HIM and are pleased that he is YOUR man. 

It shows him that you, his woman, find him worthy of admiration as a man. Men treasure validation from the women most important to them.


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## bandit.45

"My STD tests came back negative!!"





That would make my day.


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## Blanca

norajane said:


> It's different because you are praising him for being a man, your man, your man who just kicked butt and did something awesome that you recognize and value as a significant achievement...i.e., when you tell him you are proud of him, you are saying that you value HIM and are pleased that he is YOUR man.
> 
> It shows him that you, his woman, find him worthy of admiration as a man. Men treasure validation from the women most important to them.


I thought about this post today since my H has been saying he's proud of me a lot lately. He was promoted to the lead on a project at work and I think he feels proud of himself. I didnt say I was proud of him, though. 

Instead of saying i'm proud of him I tell him that he is impressive. that doesnt feel weird. Is that the same thing to you guys? If you're wife said she was impressed by you and that you are impressive would you feel the same satisfaction as if she said she was proud of you?


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## Runs like Dog

'I got a job'.


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## shy_guy

Blanca, I posted last night to answer, then deleted it so I could think about that question some more.

Usually, terms like "You're impressive" or "You're awesome" are used in jest when we use them. That would prevent it from meaning the same where I am now.

So I try to think what it would mean if it was never used in jest. I still don't think it would be quite the same thing because it would lack the personal touch. If my wife said "You're impressive," then that could mean I impress anyone. The "I'm proud of you" is very personal and coming directly from her. The alternative would lack the direct, undeniable personal connection with her.


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## kc8

I would love my H to say I was beautiful and the only person in the world he wants to give his mind, body & soul too.
(and mean it)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs. T

Runs like Dog said:


> 'I got a job'.


:rofl:


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## DawnD

Blanca said:


> I thought about this post today since my H has been saying he's proud of me a lot lately. He was promoted to the lead on a project at work and I think he feels proud of himself. I didnt say I was proud of him, though.
> 
> Instead of saying i'm proud of him I tell him that he is impressive. that doesnt feel weird. Is that the same thing to you guys? If you're wife said she was impressed by you and that you are impressive would you feel the same satisfaction as if she said she was proud of you?


 When you hold back, they can sense it. my H sure did. His #1 need was WOA. Boy did I muck that up the first part of our marriage hahahaha. I assumed his was sex and physical touch like me. AFEH has given me some great help as to how to express ego boosting things to him without sounding patronizing, and now I find them coming a little more naturally. I used to think WOA were absolutely ridiculous, so I translated that into finding my H less manly. Serious damage to his ego. Work in progress.


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