# What did you compromise on?



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

So as not to derail another thread on here, I’ll start this one.

Often it seems that us regulars advise the newbies to leave their mate over this or that. I am talking about when the complaint is something other than cheating. We often don’t take into consideration all the good things about the spouse, because we are only reacting to minimal information. (For instance the current discussion of if a person wants to have oral sex or not.)

Since no one is perfect, most of us had to compromise on some things that were on our checklist for the most ideal spouse for us. If you didn’t compromise on anything, congrats, but this is not the thread for you! Just go back to enjoying your perfect life. :grin2:

For me, with full knowledge I accepted that I was HD and he was LD. That his skills were sub par, and that he had some oddities and aversions. I love sex and everything about it, and I can’t even comprehend how someone couldn’t, but that’s just me. I don’t have big hopes on things changing a ton, but we have had a lot of improvement, and I’m grateful for that. On the other side, I gained someone that I am extremely well matched and HAPPY with in every other area. We have tons in common and work together like a dream. We spend all our time together and have for years, and never feel like we need a break. We laugh so much it annoys our kids. We both had the same financial goals and are working hard to remain debt free and retire in our 40s. 

So tell me, what would you say you compromised on, or were willing to accept about your spouse because of all the other things that cause you to be in love with them?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I wanted to be a great Philosopher, became a good engineer.

My choice was to be erudite or to be fed at night.

I realized that being a college professor meant that some would think you wise.
And some would think you lucky.

You can be these things with a different subset of people, those not captive students.

Maybe you could do so with some rapt friends who loved so, your words.

I ended up with Rap loving friends and smiled all the way to the bank.

Can I go home, now...please? :smile2:





[THM]- THRD


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I really like @Spicy and her avatar is damned perfect, I also enjoy her perspective and I think this thread is deep.

So to answer my sister from another mister....

I compromised the same as you in that I am an absolute animal in the sack and extremely HD and Mrs. Conan is probably normal, not LD but most people are compared to me.

She also doesn't see long term goals well and is ruled by emotion based decisions which is anethema to me.

What works is she has reactive drive and can exceed me in bed once I get her revved. She is 100 % devoted to me and our family and would murder my enemies if needed. I'm not joking.

Her level of devotion owns me as no one else has.

We also laugh so hard together it is probably against the law. No one ever made me laugh like her and vice versa.

Good thread @Spicy!


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

What SunC said, I think, OK, I’m not really sure, maybe. 

Yes, of course, but not sure I can type it out, I tried, it’s hard. But it does not involve oral sex, too much.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Yeah, Spicy, I love your avatar too.



ConanHub said:


> So to answer my sister from another mister....


My feelings are so freaking hurt lol. Spicy may have to suddenly disappear one day.

It's not my opinion, but my friends all seemed to think I gave up good looks for him. How quickly they forgot some of my previous boyfriends. I dated some real horses. Wait, I love horses because they're beautiful, so bad comparison and just insert your own. I was really pretty (sometimes people told me I looked like Sophia Loren and then when the Cosby Show was out, people said I looked like Phylicia Rashad. Go figure) but never got hung up on looks because it's too superficial an exercise. I dated handsome, ugly, fat dudes, skinny dudes, tall, short, it didn't matter. They were in my river so long as they were more than 5 years older and at least somewhat intellectual with a desire to succeed, although I did learn it was hard to abide guys my own height or shorter (sorry short guys, but it's just me). With some guys, people would say "Aww what a beautiful couple" and with some guys, people wondered "What is she doing with him?" But I paid no mind because if I was with him, he was worth being with for longer than the few months it might have taken to discover that he wasn't. The love of my life before my husband was extremely good looking and my first really good lover, but I refused to marry him because I never felt he was sincere about women. Sure enough after he got married, he cheated on his wife, so I dodged a bullet but remained in love with him for the rest of my life until....

My husband is about a 7. He's sexy to me all 23 extra pounds of him, and I love him to pieces. When we got married, my best friend said, "You did the right thing to marry a man who loves you more than you love him." But I quickly let her know that I really thought it was the other way around.

The guy I dated before him, he and I laughed a lot and always had a good time together. He had that knack of turning everything into fun. My husband and I aren't like that. We just kind of go with the flow of things and neither of us have all that good of a sense of humor. We appreciate something funny but are terrible at cracking jokes. Neither of us formulate them very well, so they come out perverse or go down really flat. I guess we find that part funny about each other - our pathetic attempts make us laugh. So if I gave up anything, I guess it's the guy that was naturally fun and funny.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Spicy said:


> For me, with full knowledge I accepted that I was HD and he was LD. That his skills were sub par, and that he had some oddities and aversions. I love sex and everything about it, and I can’t even comprehend how someone couldn’t, but that’s just me. I don’t have big hopes on things changing a ton, but we have had a lot of improvement, and I’m grateful for that. On the other side, I gained someone that I am extremely well matched and HAPPY with in every other area. We have tons in common and work together like a dream. We spend all our time together and have for years, and never feel like we need a break. We laugh so much it annoys our kids. We both had the same financial goals and are working hard to remain debt free and retire in our 40s.
> 
> So tell me, what would you say you compromised on, or were willing to accept about your spouse because of all the other things that cause you to be in love with them?


I could have written that paragraph myself  We compromised, both of us and have reached a happy medium. In every other area, despite being chalk and cheese we just work, lol. We are polar opposites - he's a genius, computer geek, scientist, needs facts and thinks with his head. I am spontaneous, emotional and think with my heart, I need a calculator once you hit double digits, he's pro choice, I'm pro life. Explain to me why we work so well together because we can't bahahahaha.

We love each others company, never get tired of each other and are absolute crazy in love besties. Go figure


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

frusdil said:


> despite being chalk and cheese


Interesting way to describe polar opposites. Soooo funny.:rofl:


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Wow great question Spicy !!!!!!

We get on great in pretty much all things but I guess I could hit on the ever old sex topic. My 2 previous girlfriends were enthusiastic about their affection and advances but my wife not so much. Don't get me wrong .... we have no issues but I would say I compromised on having passionate affection. With that being said my once conservative wife is turning out to be quite the surprising bed mate now that the children are off to college. I guess some things just get fine in time like wine.


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## Music Lover (Feb 9, 2016)

I tried to make that LD/HD compromise with my first partner. We didn't start out that way but later on she would only activate her D on rare occasions like holidays. In many ways the relationship was great and sex was very good when it happened. This unstable situation lasted throughout our late twenties and early thirties.

Eventually, I found myself working with a recently divorced woman who had D in spades. I was honest with my partner about being drawn to this other woman. Her solution was to send me to live in a hotel for a couple of days so I could **** the other woman and get it out of my system. She had done something similar herself a couple of years earlier so I guess she thought it would ease her conscience, too.

After all, the other woman was no real threat to her because she was older, fat and inferior intellectually. It turned out that my partner wasn't as liberated as she thought and was consumed with jealously. At first, she tried to show me her D was every bit as good as the other woman's. When that tactic failed she turned very nasty and doomed our relationship. It brought disaster for us both, although, later, I found happiness elsewhere. Sadly, she didn't have that opportunity.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

StarFires said:


> Yeah, Spicy, I love your avatar too.
> 
> 
> My feelings are so freaking hurt lol. Spicy may have to suddenly disappear one day.


:x:wink2:

You are Mrs. Conan's sexual twin so you are my wife from another life LoL!:laugh:


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Sex frequency... also, my family, friends and life in my native country... I don't regret it, but I would have liked a different outcome... :laugh:


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> What works is she has reactive drive and can exceed me in bed once I get her revved.


Then I don't quite understand why label her 'LD' then. It's just 'different'. I thought what matters is what happens in bed, not before or after it...


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

InMyPrime said:


> Then I don't quite understand why label her 'LD' then. It's just 'different'. I thought what matters is what happens in bed, not before or after it...


I can tell you never had one of these "models"... :laugh:


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> I can tell you never had one of these "models"... :laugh:


My wife is like that. She doesn't often feel comfortable initiating (or what she calls initiating is just perking her perfect ass up in the air, holding my hand or try to start an argument). But once she gets going, there's no stopping...I would not call her LD. She can also easily out-orgasm me. It's just that woman's drive is typically different. Why assume it should be the same? (I am talking about those wives; I am sure there are some that don't like sex too and that could be for many different other reasons).


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

With my ex, there was no compromise. It was her way or the highway. I eventually chose the highway. She was essentially NO Drive, I was HD. Classic bait and switch on her part.

The compromise I made for my current relationship was that I had to relocate to pursue the relationship. Her job and kids weren't portable - mine were. It was - and remains - a good decision.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

InMyPrime said:


> My wife is like that. She doesn't often feel comfortable initiating (or what she calls initiating is just perking her perfect ass up in the air, holding my hand or try to start an argument). But once she gets going, there's no stopping...I would not call her LD. She can also easily out-orgasm me. It's just that woman's drive is typically different. Why assume it should be the same? (I am talking about those wives; I am sure there are some that don't like sex too and that could be for many different other reasons).


Maybe Conan's wife is LD... and I get that all wives are different - thank God for that! :laugh: - but I would expect a HD wife to initiate a little bit more. But I guess it's down to whatever... :smile2:


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> - but I would expect a HD wife to initiate a little bit more.


You see that's a misunderstanding of the typical female sex drive (yes, i know there are MANY women that DO initiate a lot but it has nothing to do whether they are more horny or want sex more than the ones that don't feel comfortable initiating!)


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

InMyPrime said:


> You see that's a misunderstanding of the typical female sex drive (yes, i know there are MANY women that DO initiate a lot but it has nothing to do whether they are more horny or want sex more than the ones that don't feel comfortable initiating!)


This is where I went wrong? :laugh: Jokes apart, my wife was exactly like that... when she did have a drive, many moons ago... :grin2:


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> Then I don't quite understand why label her 'LD' then. It's just 'different'. I thought what matters is what happens in bed, not before or after it...


Read carefully....

I did not label her LD but normal.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Read carefully....
> 
> 
> 
> I did not label her LD but normal.



My bad, sorry!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Read carefully....
> 
> 
> 
> I did not label her LD but normal.




But the implication there is that you are higher? (Maybe im splitting hair). Which I’m not sure can be judged simply on initiation frequency.
Didn’t you write before you have some blocks that prevents you having sex with her as much as she’d like? (Sorry if I got it wrong).


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

InMyPrime said:


> But the implication there is that you are higher? (Maybe im splitting hair). Which I’m not sure can be judged simply on initiation frequency.
> Didn’t you write before you have some blocks that prevents you having sex with her as much as she’d like? (Sorry if I got it wrong).
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Ok. I'm very naturally HD. I could easily go 4 or 5 times every day.

She is normal to maybe even high because she likes it almost daily.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Spicy said:


> So as not to derail another thread on here, I’ll start this one.
> 
> Often it seems that us regulars advise the newbies to leave their mate over this or that. I am talking about when the complaint is something other than cheating. We often don’t take into consideration all the good things about the spouse, because we are only reacting to minimal information. (For instance the current discussion of if a person wants to have oral sex or not.)
> 
> ...


Pretty much the same as you. I put up with a pretty huge HD/LD discrepancy. The other thing I've really compromised on is our activity level in other areas of life. I'm very high energy and seek rowdy, intense experiences in all I do. She's very low energy and is happy with more sedate pursuits. She's also exceedingly risk averse, to the point of avoiding squashing joy.

Of course, all this means she has had to compromise as well to be with me; it's clearly a two way street. I hate the beach. I simply can not sit there and just veg looking at the water or soaking up the sun. At this point, she's resolved to go to the beach on her own because even though I compromise and go with her, she says she can "feel" my tension from the next beach chair, even with her eyes closed. She puts up with me getting on the bike and flying down rock strewn trails, subjecting myself to potential injury. She has put up with my risk taking, and the sometimes negative outcomes that have accompanied it. 

However, other than the HD/LD mismatch, all those other compromises have been overall healthy for both of us. She helps keep me grounded, which has definitely yielded me great benefit in the long term, and I get her to open up a bit and experience new things which she has really taken to. The list of ways we have made each other better and have helped each other to live a richer life is long.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I did and still do compromise on my sex life. The rest or marriage is great and I love her very much. 

Other things that seemed like compromises ended up not mattering:
Which grad school I went to. Where we lived. 

Then there are then endless trivial compromises that everyone makes all the time in marriage, everything from food to vacations.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Spicy said:


> For me, with full knowledge I accepted that I was HD and he was LD. That his skills were sub par, and that he had some oddities and aversions. I love sex and everything about it, and I can’t even comprehend how someone couldn’t, but that’s just me. I don’t have big hopes on things changing a ton, but we have had a lot of improvement, and I’m grateful for that.


Amen to that....so Ditto


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

I've actually never considered this question. The amount of compromises I feel she's made, who am I to complain really?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I compromised on thinking I could ever convince my DW to do anything she truly doesn't want to do.

I had about a good ten minutes in the beginning 🙂🙂 when we were dating.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Isn’t ‘compromise’ another word for regret? If you have any regrets?
I really can’t think of anything...I have never met anyone better (in basically all aspects that are important to me) and don’t think I ever will. Nor did I ever experience more attraction to anyone else. 
I know it sounds corny.

I will probably have to remain single, should something happen...Especially after having spent some time reading TAM threads, it is scary. Perhaps just find a companion. It’s still not nice being alone. But probably better being alone than having your heart ripped to pieces.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Alright after much thought, I've found one. She doesn't read labels. So she goes to the store to buy corn, and comes home with a can of cream corn. I've had to deal with this type of thing my entire marriage and sometimes I wonder if I should get some counseling to help me through this issue.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

I compromised a lot. Boundaries, myself, hobbies, friends, self respect to list a few. 

But as a former Nice Guy & Codependent I compromised everything with a smile and offered more than was asked.

Resentment built inside over time, but all I knew how to do was sacrifice more and more until there was nothing left.

All building blocks for her pedestal.

She became my world, she never asked to be and should never have been.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

One other thing.... music!

I used to have a massive stereo and about a thousand bits 'o vinyl. I had speakers that would make Spinal Tap cry. I could play Rush or Black Sabbath on 11 and seismographs at the University of California would record the vibration.... and I lived in Colorado!

We moved alot, and with each move stuff would get damaged. Even though the mover was liable, stuff didnt always get replaced. We sometimes pet the money into other household goodies instead. She absolutely hated my massive speakers and didn't want them taking up space in the living room and clashing with the other furniture. So when my turntable and cd player got destroyed, I simply sold the speakers too.

Actually, there wasn't any real "compromise" here as I got nothing in return. I suppose it's the one time in our marriage some of the self aggrandizing smartasses on this site could break out their condescending "Dude, does she keep your balls in her purse?" jab and I wouldn't have a good answer.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Nothing.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> One other thing.... music!
> 
> I used to have a massive stereo and about a thousand bits 'o vinyl. I had speakers that would make Spinal Tap cry. I could play Rush or Black Sabbath on 11 and seismographs at the University of California would record the vibration.... and I lived in Colorado!
> 
> ...


A few years ago I was in a shopping mall in Florida and happened to be looking in the window of a Bose store. One of the clerks came outside and asked me and another couple of people to come in for a minute. At the rear of the store there was a small theatre set up and on the screen a band started playing. 
I have never heard better sound quality in my life but the speakers were massive.One each side front and back and a huge central speaker. 
When the song was finished the clerk walked over to the big speakers and flipped them over.They were made of cardboard and were fake.Underneath the front and back ones were speakers about the size of a beer can,the center speaker was no bigger than a gallon can and the sub woofer wasn’t much bigger. 
They were extremely heavy,in fact I thought they were screwed down but they weren’t. 
I bought a set and at the time they were about two grand.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> One other thing.... music!


If my wife dared touching my vinyls, she would be dead... :laugh:


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> One other thing.... music!
> 
> I used to have a massive stereo and about a thousand bits 'o vinyl. I had speakers that would make Spinal Tap cry. I could play Rush or Black Sabbath on 11 and seismographs at the University of California would record the vibration.... and I lived in Colorado!
> 
> ...


I was listening to Bill Burr's podcast and he was talking about getting a mixer repaired. Complaining that people just throw stuff away and he's not trying to waste as much anymore. Anyway he finds this guy who runs a repair shop for speakers and amps and all that. Messy shop with stuff all over the place. They start talking about music. Bill is a drummer and Bonham obviously his hero right? 

So this guy starts talking about how they don't have things correct when listening in stereo. Bill was saying how he didn't fully understand everything the guy is talking about, but he shows him this setup he's been perfecting based on each players height, positioning on stage, and each tower speaker is tuned perfectly for that member of the band and all this insane level of trying to perfect a setup for a specific band. "This guy was 6'2" so the angle of the sound hitting your ears is going to be different than that guy who was only 5'7" so basic stereo doesn't get their sound the way it should be heard correctly if you were to actually watch them play" and all this stuff. 

Its like, no matter how much you love something, there's someone else out there who has taken that same passion to levels that you could never have dreamed up. 

Pretty interesting to think about it though. Make a music setup that is designed to hear it exactly as it would sound if you were sitting in front of a live performance just for yourself.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I was listening to Bill Burr's podcast and he was talking about getting a mixer repaired. Complaining that people just throw stuff away and he's not trying to waste as much anymore. Anyway he finds this guy who runs a repair shop for speakers and amps and all that. Messy shop with stuff all over the place. They start talking about music. Bill is a drummer and Bonham obviously his hero right?
> 
> So this guy starts talking about how they don't have things correct when listening in stereo. Bill was saying how he didn't fully understand everything the guy is talking about, but he shows him this setup he's been perfecting based on each players height, positioning on stage, and each tower speaker is tuned perfectly for that member of the band and all this insane level of trying to perfect a setup for a specific band. "This guy was 6'2" so the angle of the sound hitting your ears is going to be different than that guy who was only 5'7" so basic stereo doesn't get their sound the way it should be heard correctly if you were to actually watch them play" and all this stuff.
> 
> ...


Yep. In each home, I had things arranged to provide the perfect sound to me when seated in my favorite chair in the living/family room (depending on the house). Each home and each room within the home has unique acoustics, so placement varied from location to location. I could further fine tune with a 12 band equalizer. 

For the last decade, it's pretty much been just bangin' it out in the stock stereo that came in my truck.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Andy1001 said:


> A few years ago I was in a shopping mall in Florida and happened to be looking in the window of a Bose store. One of the clerks came outside and asked me and another couple of people to come in for a minute. At the rear of the store there was a small theatre set up and on the screen a band started playing.
> I have never heard better sound quality in my life but the speakers were massive.One each side front and back and a huge central speaker.
> When the song was finished the clerk walked over to the big speakers and flipped them over.They were made of cardboard and were fake.Underneath the front and back ones were speakers about the size of a beer can,the center speaker was no bigger than a gallon can and the sub woofer wasn’t much bigger.
> They were extremely heavy,in fact I thought they were screwed down but they weren’t.
> I bought a set and at the time they were about two grand.


My friend works at Bose and can get most of their stuff at 50% off. I've gotten some really nice stuff over the years. She's about to go to a new company and I'm so sad. I just ordered the latest Soundlink to give as a Christmas gift because I know she'll be in the new job by then. This thing is so small and gives off the best sound. It's going to be hard to hold onto it until Christmas...I'm going to want to give it early!!! LOL


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Alright after much thought, I've found one. She doesn't read labels. So she goes to the store to buy corn, and comes home with a can of cream corn. I've had to deal with this type of thing my entire marriage and sometimes I wonder if I should get some counseling to help me through this issue.


My STBX is exactly the same except it extends to almost everything. I'll ask for some peppers and he'll bring home one that's half rotten. Really? But he'd do the same with the corn. Or ask for tomato paste and he'll bring home tomato sauce. It got so bad he started texting me a picture of what he was about to buy so I could approve it. 

I think everyone knows what my other compromise was for many years. All done with that one now though :grin2:


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

I never thought in terms of compromise back when I got married. 

I was "in love" and things I think back now as compromise just didn't matter in comparison to the gains.

I'm hoping I find that again.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

With my ex h I compromised on quite a few things, but none were anything I minded. 

The things that caused our divorce, I did not compromise on, and I know now that I should not have. It was a basic incompatibility that could not have been compromised out of. We didn’t know this when we married, we thought we could work it out. We did try to compromise.

I think I kind of understand now the difference between what can and can’t be compromised in a relationship. But I only understand it for myself.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> With my ex h I compromised on quite a few things, but none were anything I minded.
> 
> The things that caused our divorce, I did not compromise on, and I know now that I should not have. It was a basic incompatibility that could not have been compromised out of. We didn’t know this when we married, we thought we could work it out. We did try to compromise.
> 
> I think I kind of understand now the difference between what can and can’t be compromised in a relationship. But I only understand it for myself.


Would you mind sharing the issue that didn't work to compromise about?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Livvie said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > With my ex h I compromised on quite a few things, but none were anything I minded.
> ...


It boiled down to major household and financial incompatibles. We realized neither of us will ever be fully comfortable combining homes or checkbooks.

There is a chance we will reconcile, and just not live together or share finances.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> It boiled down to major household and financial incompatibles. We realized neither of us will ever be fully comfortable combining homes or checkbooks.
> 
> There is a chance we will reconcile, and just not live together or share finances.


Fwiw I know many married couples that don't share finances at all. If everything else is good, and you just don't marry or live together, well I can think of countless worse situations than that.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

notmyjamie said:


> My friend works at Bose and can get most of their stuff at 50% off. I've gotten some really nice stuff over the years. She's about to go to a new company and I'm so sad. I just ordered the latest Soundlink to give as a Christmas gift because I know she'll be in the new job by then. This thing is so small and gives off the best sound. It's going to be hard to hold onto it until Christmas...I'm going to want to give it early!!! LOL



Bose makes impressive sound for its size. It unfortunately if you compare them with proper speakers, there’s still a big difference in sound quality. To most people it probably doesn’t matter, especially if it’s for surround/cinema sound.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Fwiw I know many married couples that don't share finances at all. If everything else is good, and you just don't marry or live together, well I can think of countless worse situations than that.



I found it always easy...I always paid for most things, almost since the beginning and there was always money in the bank account so there were no arguments...Though she did insist paying for stuff and also made money herself.
You kind of have to settle on dividing responsibilities in the household. Sometimes I used to have to nudge my wife to prioritise this or that over something that maybe I felt was less important...But then you just have to let the person be...easier that way. But since we have kids, she definitely does the biggest share in the house and with the kids.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

InMyPrime said:


> I found it always easy...I always paid for most things, almost since the beginning and there was always money in the bank account so there were no arguments...Though she did insist paying for stuff and also made money herself.



Same here... always paid for most things, but we had a joint account where my wife would transfer a little bit of money for bills... we never ever argued about money... only sex... :grin2:


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > It boiled down to major household and financial incompatibles. We realized neither of us will ever be fully comfortable combining homes or checkbooks.
> ...


I second this! And especially later in life (not both in your twenties, for example) this is more and more common!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Alright after much thought, I've found one. She doesn't read labels. So she goes to the store to buy corn, and comes home with a can of cream corn. I've had to deal with this type of thing my entire marriage and sometimes I wonder if I should get some counseling to help me through this issue.


Man! You definitely have my sympathies. I don't know if I could cope and I'm not even joking!

I think I need counseling just picturing what you are going through!:surprise:

Mrs. Conan reads EVERYTHING!

I sometimes get annoyed at how long she takes but we never wind up with anything we didn't set out to get.

I think I need a drink now.>


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> It boiled down to major household and financial incompatibles. We realized neither of us will ever be fully comfortable combining homes or checkbooks.
> 
> There is a chance we will reconcile, and just not live together or share finances.


If you guys love each other as much as you've said, wouldn't not sharing finances, and having a duplex type thing, be a small compromise in order to be with one another? If the issue really is that simple, why not call him and say you want to work things out?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

BioFury said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > It boiled down to major household and financial incompatibles. We realized neither of us will ever be fully comfortable combining homes or checkbooks.
> ...


We see each other quite often, I saw him today. We are close friends.

We have discussed a future like this. But what we both agreed on immediately was that we would not trade the wonderful unconditional friendship we have right now for anything else.

So although maybe one day we will feel ready to move into that relationship, if there is any chance that relationship could fail and ruin our friendship, we would just pass on it and keep the friendship.

We have decided not to make that decision at this time and continue our good friendship.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> We see each other quite often, I saw him today. We are close friends.
> 
> We have discussed a future like this. But what we both agreed on immediately was that we would not trade the wonderful unconditional friendship we have right now for anything else.
> 
> ...


Love is always a risk. But is it not a worthwhile one?

Maybe it's just me, but it'd be heartwrenching for me to be so close to the person I love, yet not able to claim them as my own. Do you not want to share emotional and sexual intimacy with him again? Does the thought of him with someone else not bother you? 

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