# Would you continue seeing someone who seemed unsure?



## melia8 (Aug 30, 2015)

I have been seeing this guy for about a month now and things seemed to be going pretty well. Last night we go out on a date and we got into a conversation about where we are. He basically told me that he sometimes feels really romantically towards me and that he is falling for me, and other times he feels like it’s not so romantic and more friendly.

We are so alike that he said it is like being on a date with himself, but he obviously feels more for me than just friends because we have more than that, he just doesn’t know if he will ever get to the point where I am at, because I am way more invested in him. He also said since his last girlfriend he seems emotionally detached.

He also said he has been into girls before really quickly so he is concerned that he just isn’t getting to that point with me. I feel like when you know you know? I mean, sometimes he said he just doesn’t feel the spark and it feels too comfortable and not exciting enough. He actually described it as how he could imagine feeling with someone after being married for years...and then other times he says we have these amazing moments where he is really into it.

All of this although honest, made me feel pretty bummed out. I actually cried a bit on our date. It was stupid but we slept together a week ago and I don’t just sleep with anybody. I thought we were both at the same point and felt good enough about us to do so. I feel such an idiot now because I had no idea he felt this way.

I don’t think he just used me for that, because we have only done it once and he has taken me out since all on dates, so it isn’t like every time he wants to meet up he wants to come over if you know what I mean…but he even said he doesn’t know what his problem is because he knows I’m so right for him.

It was left that he still wants to continuing hanging out and getting to know me, and he would hate to just see me go. He said he wants to get to that point because he knows I’m a really good fit for him...it was weird too because when we talked about if not seeing each other anymore was the better option, his eyes filled up. I just don't understand him.

I’m not sure how to take all of that really. I know we have the potential to be something amazing, but I’m not sure if it’s worth waiting around to see if someone may start to get those strong feelings? I don’t know what to do


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You are Plan B. Don't wait in the sidelines. You need to find a better man than this one. You deserve to be loved and appreciated. Don't waste your time. Move on.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

What he is looking for and setting you up for, is to become his FWB. 

He feels so close to you and you guys feel so right together. He does not want a serious thing with you. He in is not feeling the spark. Yet he fxxxxed you the previous week. This guy is playing you like a fiddle.

Soon, he will be dating other girls who he feels the sparks with. Then, he will keep you tied to him by every now and then, having sex with you. You will become his fxbuddy. 

Don't sell yourself short. Get rid of him. You deserve so much better. You go girl.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

A month is not very long to really know if a relationship is going to work out in the long run, but it seems like it should be plenty to know if there is a spark. 

He wants to wait and see what happens, but is he still dating other people? Did you have that conversation?


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## melia8 (Aug 30, 2015)

He told me he is not seeing other people. He has not been since we started going on dates with me. I agree about the spark thing though, i feel by this time he should know, yet he wants to keep seeing me. I'm so divided on walking away vs staying because we have so much potential. I don't really think he is setting me up to be his FWB. There have been plenty of opportunities for us to do it again since and we haven't. He has initiated going out on dates rather than trying to sleep with me again.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Do you think you could keep seeing him for, say, another month and then see how he feels? If you don't have more clarity from him then, you can decide if you want to walk away at that point.


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

You mentioned he is feeling emotionally detached since his last breakup. How long ago was that and why did they break up? This might have something, or rather everything to do with his current behavior towards you.


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## melia8 (Aug 30, 2015)

This is what i mentioned to him. I thought that could be a possibility. His last ex was a couple of months ago and she cheated on him a lot. He says he is completely over her. She has actually tried to get back with him and he completely ignores all of her messages and says he doesn't want to. I thought maybe the hurt she caused him makes him weary, but then again i'm not sure why that would make him lack a spark with someone. You either feel it or you don't, regardless of what an ex did to you.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think I would be too proud to stay with someone who were not really into me.

How about just telling him nicely that you want him to be with someone he _is _crazy about? Then give him a smile and a hug and walk out of his life!


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

He's either a committmentphobe or total manipulator. In either case the result is the same for you...he will be hot and cold with you, and he's not going to change how he feels for you. 

Honestly if you weren't that in to him, you could keep hanging out with him and date other people and have fun. 

But since you are in to him, I would cut him loose. This is the time to establish a boundary. And a good boundary is that he needs to know what he wants and he needs to want you before you continue to have a relationship with him. But remember, the thing about boundaries is that if people don't respect the boundaries you cut the person out. 

Sorry. It sucks.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

So many people make the mistake of staying in a relationship because it has so much "potential". It sucks right now, but the "potential" is there...

Sweetie, you need to stay focussed in the now - do you like what he's offering you right NOW? If so, stay. If not, go. The reality is, that he just doesn't feel it for you - it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or that he's a bad guy, it just is what it is. It's not your job to get inside his head and help him understand why, or to point out all the positives and convince him to stay with you. 

It IS your job though, to decide if being with a man who's waffling on whether or not he has real feelings for you is enough for you. Are you willing to settle for that? What do YOU want?

Also - if you do decide to stay, don't sleep with him again until his feelings are clear. It'll only cloud things and mess with your judgement.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Damn! Some of you are so quick to jump to conclusions. They slept together, and he is unsure, so he is a manipulator? She is Plan B? He is a con man? 
I didn't see where anybody asked how the sleeping together started off - who initiated? how did it play out?
Maybe give the guy a break? He was being honest. Personally I would be scared out of my mind if someone was telling me they loved me after a month. Maybe the guy is just unsure. Maybe he was feeling it when they slept together and afterwards realized he was a unsure. It has been one month! Why don't you try to see how it works out over the next few weeks. Maybe the guy feels pressured to commit to something before he is ready. So many assumptions and conclusions with no real understanding


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## melia8 (Aug 30, 2015)

I never told him i loved him. I just said i was really into him


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I think he would be better of telling you he doesn't know. Cause really, telling you how he feels in the moment isn't giving you any security that the moment will last.

Mel, he doesn't know what he feels. That may not be a good or bad thing, what matters is if your feelings are changing from one moment to the next. Then I would say this isn't going very far. If you are sure how you feel, the wait for him to settle down, he is still anxious, and looking for any reason to be undecided.

He's undecided, period...

What does that mean for you?

Some guys have a hard time just saying, "I don't know."
Would you feel better if he said that?


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## melia8 (Aug 30, 2015)

I'm completely split on it and just cannot make a decision. Part of me wonders if he feels pressure because he knows i am more invested and is worried i'm moving at too different a pace for him...so that makes me want to just wait it out and see where it goes. The other part of me feels like he will never feel it if he doesn't already and he might just end up hurting me when weeks go by and nothing has changed, and he possibly meets someone else. He is such a good match for me though in terms of personality and what i look for in someone, which is what is making the decision so hard.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

At least he is being honest. Would you prefer he lie to get a piece of A**? Have some fun - it has been ONE MONTH! Why are you looking for commitment already? You may not get the answer you want. You seem to have been honest with him. Maybe it will develop. Personally I think you are stressing far too much. He may in fact ponder your POV and decide to end it now, because he doesn't want something so serious so soon. On the other hand he may back off until he is sure. Either way you made your feelings known, he has made his known. Now you just need to see where it goes.


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## melia8 (Aug 30, 2015)

It wasn't about him being honest, I did appreciate that. I was happy where things where going and just dating each other and seeing where it goes, but then he brings up all this uncertainty and doubt which kind of threw off the dynamic.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

melia8 said:


> It wasn't about him being honest, I did appreciate that. I was happy where things where going and just dating each other and seeing where it goes, but then he brings up all this uncertainty and doubt which kind of threw off the dynamic.


It sounded like you brought the subject up when you told him how you feel. Was his comments in response to yours or vice versa? Either way at least now each of you know how the other feels.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

From a guy's perspective.....

You look great "on paper" but he's just not that into you.

Sorry, we can't help who we are attracted to and love rarely picks the logical choice.

You're more of a friend to him and he likes you but it's probably a rebound situation.

Bail. Before you get hung up on him. Stay friends if you can or otherwise move on.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Ynot said:


> Damn! Some of you are so quick to jump to conclusions. They slept together, and he is *unsure, so he is a manipulator? She is Plan B? He is a con man? *


:lol: This made me laugh...

(He's probably also a convicted felon who kicks puppies when no one is looking.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

He's just not that into you. 
He's also not ready for a relationship. 

If he was neither of the above, you would not be posting about your FUD. 

A guy that is completely into you would leave zero doubt.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Sometimes, the spark takes a while to ignite. Give him a few more weeks, and if nothing has changed for the better, move on. Often, the other situation applies: the spark is there, but the compatibility isn't. In my mind, those are the ones where you break things off more quickly.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Never make someone a priority who is making you an option.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

too soon to tell. if you enjoy spending time with him take the casual approach don't be so eager to go you with him very time he asks. play hard to get within reason. always use protection if your intimate. Keep an eye out for other available men. enjoy the process.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I was urged by a friend to give a slow moving guy a chance and I did (against my own judgement) and we actually did well for 8 months. Basic incompatibility, but he was an upstanding guy and I have nothing but fond memories... So sometimes patience can be it's own reward.


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## melia8 (Aug 30, 2015)

Yeah. I have backed off a bit and decided to not act so keen. I am also allowing him to suggest meeting. He text me this morning saying how he would really like to see me again and thinks we have more to talk about so we should go out again for sure. Not really sure what that even means lol


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

melia8 said:


> Yeah. I have backed off a bit and decided to not act so keen. I am also allowing him to suggest meeting. He text me this morning saying how he would really like to see me again and thinks we have more to talk about so we should go out again for sure. Not really sure what that even means lol


It means, "I'm horny."


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