# Living with soon to be ex



## Tierney14036 (Jul 10, 2020)

So we are in the process of getting a divorce and still living together and it is awful. I do not want the divorce but he does. The kids do not know anything yet. This is just hell don’t know how to deal with it. Any advice?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You're going to have to give more information. It's hard for people to give advice if there isn't much to go off of. Things like...

How old are your kids? Do you have a plan and timeline to properly separate? Why does she want a divorce? Is there any hostility? Do you have separate bedrooms? Do you have a lawyer yet?

My first piece of advice would be to look up the 180. Read it and do it.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I know this sounds strange but do not show weakness.... none....not one drop. No begging.... no pleading. That only puts him in control.


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## Tierney14036 (Jul 10, 2020)

So unfortunately I did beg him to stay when he first said he wanted a divorce. I fully understand now that it is over he has filed so I need to move on. We are in the same house but separate bedrooms our two kids are young. We are working with our lawyers now to split up the assets


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## Tierney14036 (Jul 10, 2020)

I just don’t know how to deal with going through this with him in the house and our girls not knowing


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Been there, done that. I was the one who wanted the divorce but it was still torture living together and hiding it from our kids.

Research the 180. The more you distance yourself from him the easier it will get for you. Discuss financial and child issues only with him. Do not cook for him. Do not do his laundry. Cook for your children every other night, tell him it’s his responsibility the other nights. Go out on those nights...see a friend, go shopping, whatever but don’t tell him where or what you are doing. 

Come here for support. _hugs_


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Yes. The best thing is to tell kids so it is out in the open. It helped a lot for me, no more pretending. Kids took it much better than expected.

the divorce papers have been filed and you dividing assets. Why are you not telling your chidlren? still hoping for a change of mind? you do not want to wait until daddy moves out, or you all move out of the house. you want your kids prepared, not ambushed without warning.


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## confusedinCA2020 (Jul 2, 2020)

I am actually going through the same thing right now except no kids. Husband wants the divorce, not me. But since he is the one who had / is having the affair I asked him to move out. He initially agreed but now is refusing. It is hell b/c he is acting “normal“ everyday - wanting to talk about our days, make dinner together, etc. Except for the fact that he says he doesn’t love me anymore and wants out. I just keep taking it day by day..remind myself that this will be over soon. I agree with the previous comment...stay strong (as hard as that is), do not beg anymore (I begged a lot at the beginning too)...you cannot make his decisions. You can only act for yourself and your children. I find that the best thing is not acting angry (only thing that does is make yourself feel like crap b/c he won’t care). Just do your thing but do not be falsely happy either..it won’t change his mind. Try to get out of the house as much as possible and just take care of your children and you. Do not try to ask him to engage with what you and the kids are doing. Write here whenever you need. You and I will both get through this!


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