# Living with a funeral director or similar, anyone?



## Rlc307 (Jan 14, 2018)

My husband made a huge career change a year and a half ago and while it's been a blessing, I've also realized that it's not easy. As a matter of fact, life can be weird sometimes. Just curious if there's anyone else out there living the same kind of life with husbands with the same or similar professions..maybe there are others out there that are not new to this like I am.
The job is very demanding and I have found that unless he's using vacation time, don't bother planning anything because you may just set yourself up for disappointment when the phone rings. Like for example, last week I looked at the calendar and realized that the kids had an away football game on Friday (they are in marching band) and I was excited about having an entire kid free Friday night, until he let me know the day before that he had a service to work that night. And it's just not something I thought about when he took this path. I have to get used to the phone calls at anytime; during dinner, during a kids game or in the middle of the night, anytime. The phone calls don't bother me so much, but it's just the amount of time it takes away from everything. You can't really talk to your friends about much of it because most people either don't understand or shy away from the subject. As a matter of fact out of curiosity, I searched online for any resources regarding this and I guess because it's a career that nobody wants to talk about, I found very little online.
I am not really here to complain about it so much. I was just wondering if there is any other ladies that can relate to this kind of lifestyle, even if it's not the same job. The line of work for me personally is so interesting and I am actually thinking about getting into it myself when my job is offshored in the future, so it's not that I'm disgusted about this line of work. But there are times where I feel like we are going to be living two lives and coping with it until work slows down can be a struggle. It's not something that I think I need to just go to extremes and throw in the towel over. It's just like.....how do you deal?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Does he have others that help him, or does he have to do every one?

No, I’m not familiar with it, but had friends that did this, but the husband and wife worked together...is that a possibility at all?

This would be very hard. Like jobs that are always on call. I guess you guys have to decide if the money is worth the sacrifice.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I don’t know anyone currently who is in this profession. However, this may be a lame suggestion so please disregard if you feel that way...but the HBO series Six Feet Under was fascinating, it’s about a family in this business.

Watching it for me was very educational. They also address how hard this type of work can be on everyone involved. The writers did a very good job at helping the viewers understand this world. I would recommend it for anyone but especially to you.


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## Rlc307 (Jan 14, 2018)

Spicy said:


> Does he have others that help him, or does he have to do every one?
> 
> No, I’m not familiar with it, but had friends that did this, but the husband and wife worked together...is that a possibility at all?
> 
> This would be very hard. Like jobs that are always on call. I guess you guys have to decide if the money is worth the sacrifice.


It's worth it. I'm very proud of him and he's become such a caring person. He's very proud of his work...he's always ready for work and to start his day. I make good money and I'm never ready to start my day and envy that lol. Actually yes, we have talked about eventually me working with him and I look forward to it. But I am trying to wait it out, until my job is offshored because my schedule is very ideal and I have the ability to participate in all the kids activities. The kids are 13 and 14 and before I know it, they'll be adults and I have the urgency to try and enjoy these years with them. This situation is just temporary but will be challenging.


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## Rlc307 (Jan 14, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> I don’t know anyone currently who is in this profession. However, this may be a lame suggestion so please disregard if you feel that way...but the HBO series Six Feet Under was fascinating, it’s about a family in this business.
> 
> Watching it for me was very educational. They also address how hard this type of work can be on everyone involved. The writers did a very good job at helping the viewers understand this world. I would recommend it for anyone but especially to you.


I saw that today will looking online and thought to myself that I needed to take the time to binge watch lol. I remember people talking about that show and never watched it. Thank you!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Rlc307 said:


> I saw that today will looking online and thought to myself that I needed to take the time to binge watch lol. I remember people talking about that show and never watched it. Thank you!


On top of it being really relevant to your life, it is just plain an excellent show. I watched every episode and watched a couple of seasons twice!


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> ..but the HBO series Six Feet Under was fascinating, it’s about a family in this business.


Literally one of the BEST shows on the planet. Watched it when it was actually on HBO and have binge watched it twice on Prime in the last couple years. And the epic last 5 or 6 minutes of the finale are so phenomenal that I actually watch that clip occasionally on YouTube.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Literally one of the BEST shows on the planet. Watched it when it was actually on HBO and have binge watched it twice on Prime in the last couple years. And the epic last 5 or 6 minutes of the finale are so phenomenal that I actually watch that clip occasionally on YouTube.


Agreed, best show finale last 5 minutes of any show I’ve ever seen!


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

As a former Funeral Director/Emblamer I can honestly tell you that it is not a career, it's a way of life. It takes very special people to do this kind of work and by extension, it takes a very special family to support us. It can be hard on family life but in the end the benefits do outweigh the hardships.



Rlc307 said:


> My husband made a huge career change a year and a half ago and while it's been a blessing, I've also realized that it's not easy. As a matter of fact, life can be weird sometimes. Just curious if there's anyone else out there living the same kind of life with husbands with the same or similar professions..maybe there are others out there that are not new to this like I am.
> The job is very demanding and I have found that unless he's using vacation time, don't bother planning anything because you may just set yourself up for disappointment when the phone rings. Like for example, last week I looked at the calendar and realized that the kids had an away football game on Friday (they are in marching band) and I was excited about having an entire kid free Friday night, until he let me know the day before that he had a service to work that night. And it's just not something I thought about when he took this path. I have to get used to the phone calls at anytime; during dinner, during a kids game or in the middle of the night, anytime. The phone calls don't bother me so much, but it's just the amount of time it takes away from everything. You can't really talk to your friends about much of it because most people either don't understand or shy away from the subject. As a matter of fact out of curiosity, I searched online for any resources regarding this and I guess because it's a career that nobody wants to talk about, I found very little online.
> I am not really here to complain about it so much. I was just wondering if there is any other ladies that can relate to this kind of lifestyle, even if it's not the same job. The line of work for me personally is so interesting and I am actually thinking about getting into it myself when my job is offshored in the future, so it's not that I'm disgusted about this line of work. But there are times where I feel like we are going to be living two lives and coping with it until work slows down can be a struggle. It's not something that I think I need to just go to extremes and throw in the towel over. It's just like.....how do you deal?


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## Rlc307 (Jan 14, 2018)

Numb26 said:


> As a former Funeral Director/Emblamer I can honestly tell you that it is not a career, it's a way of life. It takes very special people to do this kind of work and by extension, it takes a very special family to support us. It can be hard on family life but in the end the benefits do outweigh the hardships.


Yes, I agree with this! It was certainly his calling. We talked about it and I guess I'm just getting overwhelmed by things. Maybe being somewhat selfish too. He works for a 5 year old family business that has pretty much exploded within the last year. He's first on the contact list for ASD and until they get a few more reliable people there is no rotation. But I asked if he could be placed further on down on the list for just one day a week unless it's regarding a family that he's dealing with and his boss is fine with taking over on that day. Maybe things are just a little crazy right now and they always will be from time to time and I'll just need to accept that and appreciate it.


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## Babygotback (Jul 11, 2019)

My husband works in law enforcement, so different career but crappy long hours. He's gone 6:15pm - 8am for work, but has been doing a lot of 16 hour shifts and extra shifts. He's also 1 of only 3 accident reconstructionists in his department so he gets called in for fatality accidents. I've been a nurse for many years so have also worked 12+ hour shifts. Weekends and holidays spent working are our normal. 
It's really just an adjustment and acceptance of the missed dinners, call-outs, celebrating holidays on a different day, etc. Enjoy your time with your kiddos as well as your time alone. Stay connected with texts, notes, calls. Maybe he can eventually get some help once he's more well-established.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

As mentioned by others, it is one of those jobs that require family understanding and acceptance. 

From the title, I almost thought it was going to be about your husband wanting you to take an ice cold bath before sex, and then lie perfectly still during sex. I'm glad it's not.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Knowing the phone can ring and take your husband away from the family at any time will definitely take some getting used to I'm sure. I like the idea of having at least one day a week where he is not the first man they call. He does have a family and his boss needs to understand that...if his personal life explodes because of his job, he'll probably end up leaving the job. 

It's not exactly the same, but I deal with missing out on tons of family time due to my job. I miss holidays, weekends, evenings, performances, etc. all the time. I do what I can to minimize missing important events in my kids' lives but at this point they are used to it. I remember having a breakdown a number of years ago because I was having to work during some big event and my kids were totally unaffected by it. It really bothered me that it didn't bother them...they just considered it par for the course. In the end, I found someone to take my shift and made it to that event but it does sting when your kids get so used to you not being around that they don't even care anymore.


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