# ALots of help fast



## mika (Dec 11, 2007)

I guess i'll start from the beginning. My husband and I have been together for about 5 years but married only a very long 9 months. Things was great before we got married but we still had our problems as every relationship does. Things change when I became pregnant with our son. He's a great father. he went to every Dr. appointmant but our relationship started to chenge. Mainly our sex life went from off the wall beyond great to sex what is it. 

We got married when our son was about 6 months. Things during that time was not great but who has a prefect relationship. After being married for 3 months I became pregnant again and due to complications in the beginning I had to stop working for a while. (I just started a new job and was in a trainning program and couldn't be out for long periods of time) 

Since I haven't been working it's like my opinion doesn't count, of course like all men he doesn't listen to anything I have to say and keeps throwing the fact that i'm not working in my face like I enjoy being a stay at home mom with no money and a child all day. (I NEED ADULT CONVERSATION TOO)

We talked about our problems and he told he wasn't happy which hurt even more than anything being about 5 months pregnant with our second child. I have so many feelings about this and no one to turn to or even know what to do. He doesn't want to leave me because I have no job and no where to go so it's like were roomates that share a bed and believe thats all we been doing for about 3 months was share a bed. 

Please someone tell me what should I do? Where should I start? we all ready talked to each other and I know he doesn't want to be with me any more but only staying because i'm pregnant with another one of his kids without a job and no where to go.

Please help


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Well look at the alternatives. My wife and I are both busy outside of the house with work and/or schooling. But We never use a baby sitter. I do most of the house work and child care. The question is if you took a second or third shift job would he be willing to care for your child and help more around the house?

Then the two of you would again be on equal footing. Many men feel burned by the fact that women want to be more then equal. They can work OR stay home. Man almost never have this choice. They get use to the idea that it takes two paychecks to bring home the bacon but if the wife isn't or doesn't work THEY have to double time to pick up the slack.

I think an issue I see is that the two of you lack communication. You need to find out and understand what the REAL issues are and why he feels the way he does.

They may be unrealistic, but it seems like the two of you don't talk enough in the right way to solve issues. Let's face it men normally suck at this, but you have to go the extra mile to find out.

The real question is do YOU want to save the marriage>

draconis


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## mika (Dec 11, 2007)

I thought the same thing about our communication problem and since posting my concerns we sat down and talked. Of course all of my words got turned around and he couldn't understand me. To him everything was one sided. I told him it wouldn't be one sided if he expressed his concerns about me. Then he stated that everything is fine the way it is. I know it's not true becaused days before he told me that he wasn't happy. I called him up on it. His reply was that i'm not happy but everything is fine. I keep trying to communicate with him but it's hard when only one person is communicating. It's putting a toll on me and afriad all of this crying and stressing is affecting my unborn child. 

You asked do I want to save my marriage, more than anything in the world. To me the real question is How can I save my marriage?
I have tired everyday to communicate with my husband but he thinks everything is fine. How is everything fine when he no longers touch me or looks at me the same way.

I'm in so much pain and in need of a support system because if I wasn't pregnant I would be drinking and smoking ciagretts.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Okay, next time he is upset ask him what he is upset about (it you haven't tried this appoach.) He may think everything is fine because he loves you so nothing else matters. It maybe that he thinks that answer is a cure all. Ask him what fine is or why things are fine. Keep in mind he may wish to have things as they are because he doesn't want to argue or stress you out (even though he is).

Tell him even if he is unwilling to have sex you still need his touch, holding hands, cuddling and hugs. Have a doctors appointment with him there and ask the doctor about stuff.

Get him involved with the unborn baby by reading to it and to you. Nothing makes you feel closer and the baby yet to be born learns to reconize the sound of his voice.

draconis


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## tater03 (Jun 29, 2007)

First of all don't blame yourself because you cannot work at this moment due to medical issues in your pregnacy. Do you think that a lot of this might be due to the stress of you not being able to work and this being the second child? I just would think that this is a lot for him to process also. Maybe after the baby is born and things get on better ground things will get better.


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## maligator01 (Dec 24, 2007)

Stress can do funny things to marriages. I know from experience. Financial issues, I would venture to say, cause more divorces than most other issues. I can understand his point of view and why he is upset. But honestly, if you are unable to work, he needs to support you as you would do for him (I am assuming), if he were in a car accident and couldn't work. It needs to be a team effort. I would recommend seeing a marriage counselor. It will help to open the lines of communication and help you both understand what the true underlying issues are. I would say the communication problem is likely an issue with you both and a marriage counselor can help to resolves these gaps. Best wishes and good luck to you...


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## freeshias4me (Dec 4, 2007)

"First of all don't blame yourself because you cannot work at this moment due to medical issues in your pregnacy." 

I agree with this. If you can't work you can't work! He should be supportive of this...

But think of this too...Right now being pregnant, you are raging FULL of hormones. When I was pregnant, every wild and crazy thing went through my head, and I was very emotional. Remember that, and take a deep breath from time to time, and try to relax and see the main issues at hand. 

Have you asked your husband if he still loves you? That would be a very good thing to have answered. 

I went through !!!!! while I was pregnant, and after newly having my baby. One of my biggest helps was to have him say he loves me.


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