# Lurker Wants answers from pleasing men types



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ok this post is not a question for every man on the forum and probably not any woman. I'll try not to write a novel but ....
After 23 years of marriage my hubby and I have greatly increase our frequency of sex to 6 to 10 times a week. He does more to me than I do to him. I have often found this to inhibit my desire and reaction to the sexual play because I feel like I should be doing something. I recently have tried to become more educated / open/ communicative. He has defiantly enjoyed the increase in frequency but sometimes can't orgasm (probably due to frequency and age 48)(though you can imaging I'm always thinking is it me). He also has a twitchy back and I've suggested we might take a night off to help his back get better. He'd prefer to suffer (like just about any man) sex over health, food, breath LOL I do try to help I bought us Liberator pillows, I get on top sometimes, I give him oral sex to help with arousal but not to completion. Truth is and he knows I have trouble with my mouth size (dentist literally says I have a very small mouth) but now that we are doing it so often he takes a long time which I wouldn't mind if my mouth wasn't cramping so bad and the teeth start dragging which he minds. Also if there is a hard penis to be had I want it in my V or Ass. He is still shy about communicating about sex as am I though we are working on it. We talk about everything else and have an amazing relationship which is fairly perfect to be honest. Somehow this has eluded us. He has told me very little when asked but things I've gotten out of him. He enjoys giving me head. He enjoys watching my face (I close my eyes but am fairly expressive in moans and breathing, body language). He would liek to see me in a fishnet body stocking (this is not something anyone should want to see). He doesn't enjoy watching when I'm giving him head even when I got kneeled down on the floor in front of him standing/sitting on the bed. Not that he doesn't enjoy the head but the visual didn't do anything for him. He doesn't watch his penis enter my ass doggy style when it is morning and the light comes in the room. He doesn't feel he fits the male visual thing. He does like pleasing me (his words after an amazing time with a vibrator after sex). I kinda wanted him to be Alpha in the bedroom as I'm a little more traditional thinking there but that doesn't seem to be what he wants though he won't admit to wanting to be submissive or dominate I asked after the fishnet came up. When I'm on top I have trouble finishing because as I get close to orgasm my muscle don't want to work. I'm also out of shape and so is he. I'm working on a better shape but this is what I have to work with tonight.
If you find yourself as this type of man (which is not typical) please let me in of some secrets. What would be the kind of thing he would like as expanded sexual experiences. Such as I'm positive he would NOT want to talk dirty or degrading to me like come here ***** I'm gonna **** you hard. I'm trying to be more accepting of the extra time he puts in as for the first time last night that extra time was multiorgasmic. But I would like to find ways to make him enjoy it more even if that is watching me. I don't think he'd appreciate me masturbating (which I don't) because I think he wants to feel useful or needed which he most certainly is. I used to squeeze his hand and say I love you baby after sex but now I've had to start saying 'Thank you' cause it's just the only thing that fits. 

Is this indicative of maybe a secret submissive desire for him?


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Well, my wife and I are into BDSM, because it turns her on tremendously. I have always been very Dominant. Using restraints on her, and spanking her, and some other things, didn't come until later. I had to learn things along the way.

Fantasy. That's one thing I taught my wife. I suppose fantasy and role play are the same thing.

Masturbation. You need to masturbate for him to watch. You should not underestimate how exiting it might be for him to watch you masturbate. You say he might not like it. Well, I think he might find it wildly exciting. Hard to say until you try it. I know I really enjoy watching my wife masturbate. I do not understand, at all, the idea that somehow because I am not needed during that act that it is supposed to demean me. 

Ask him to masturbate for you to watch.

Stop being shy!

Somebody has to start doing new things, or you will never get to do new things.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Sounds like your a very fortunate couple, who both care about pleasing each other, which is super important.

Try not to assume what he will and won't like. Try talking dirty to him, and see how it goes. Just trying stuff isn't going to hurt anything. You may be surprised what stuff he might like. He might be too! I've been surprised at myself before!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

We used to have sex


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Ugh. This has become one huge endurance test for you both.

Who decided you *had *to have sex 10 times a week? It sounds like some kind of *challenge* rather than something natural. Jeez, I like pizza but I'm not going to force feed it to myself 10 times a week. This just sounds forced.

You said yourself that he doesn't always climax because you're doing it way too much and the guy is almost 50 years old. 

A bit of advice - go for *quality*, not quantity. The whole thing just sounds completely unappealing.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Actually it is that many times a week because we like it. He initiated and I respond. I can say no. We have recently added a few toys, positions, and such that are just making it more fun. I have told him that we can skip a morning or night but like I said he initiates. He also says that when he doesn't orgasm that it still feels good.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I should also add, he orgasms regularly. It would only be maybe once a week it doesn't happen. Part of the reason frequency has increased IS increased quality. I'm simply looking for ways or ideas that men who like to please might like. Being pleasers they don't always tell you what they want and it doesn't match up with what a typical guy wants.

Still hoping some men who are into pleasing will stop by and give their 2 cents.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

When he initiates, does he initiate PIV or does he initiate using a toy on you? If he initiates the toy, just use it on you and then end the session. He said he enjoys getting you off even if he does not orgasm. So take him at his word. Stop trying to force him to have his O just because you had yours.

Revel in the fact that you have found a way for you to reliably orgasm during sex with your H. Not every couple is that fortunate.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

When he initiated it can be as simply as rubbing all over my body , oral sex, sometimes toys but not usually. It is always with the intent of PIV or PIA. 

We are very fortunate and I do know that. I just thought it wouldn't hurt to see if men who enjoy pleasing have secret desires of their own. We are newish to expanded play and he's shy and giving. So I thought what might he not be telling me.

Like for years he never said he'd like sex daily. Turns out me too.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

you mention ED. Well a guy often measures his worth by how much pleasure he can give his woman. So if he does not have a hard penis, he will want to compensate for it other ways, like masturbating you to orgasm many more times a day than he used to. its kind of like confirming that "i can still turn her on". 

I guess the only way around this is to keep saying, in a nice way, "i am fully satisfied for today"


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

anastasia6 said:


> I should also add, he orgasms regularly. It would only be maybe once a week it doesn't happen. Part of the reason frequency has increased IS increased quality. I'm simply looking for ways or ideas that men who like to please might like. Being pleasers they don't always tell you what they want and it doesn't match up with what a typical guy wants.
> 
> Still hoping some men who are into pleasing will stop by and give their 2 cents.


My husband feels like the king of the world that he can rock my world. And I'm so nice, I let him rock my world. 

While the desire to please one another, sexually, is required for good sex to happen, what is also required is a measure of selfishness. Sounds contradictory but it's not.

When either of you are totally turned on, completely, wildly, hot for it; that's raw passion. Passion means the measure of selfishness has entered scene. So passionate that you rip his boxers off, and jump in his lap because you can't wait to get to that lovely erection. You want it now! Right damn now! Passion and desire can look a lot like being pushy and selfish because you want it now.

If he were to walk into the bedroom to find you wearing the fishnet body stocking moaning as you masturbate then beg him to help you finish that would be passion, desire and selfishness.

Your husband clearly gets off on getting you to get off, a lot of men are like this, bless their souls! And a lot of women selflessly submit to his desire to get us off. Symbiosis at its finest!


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I would kill for this problem.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> you mention ED.
> 
> I guess the only way around this is to keep saying, in a nice way, "i am fully satisfied for today"


Thank you this makes sense. The ED is really mild and I think due to over use but that doesn't mean it doesn't worry him.

So is then sitting back and enjoying good for his ego or wrongly taking advantage?


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I doubt I am a pleaser as you describe. I have always taken what I wanted, and demanded what I wanted with no hesitation or shyness. 

But what I have always wanted is for the woman I am with to thoroughly enjoy herself. She comes first. In Mary's case she also comes second through fifth or more. Then I might get around to my fun. Which leads to more fun for her, too.

Since about three years ago, after I turned 60, I started having difficulty achieving orgasms every day. That bothers Mary. From my reading it's just something natural, as a part of aging. 

But I still very much enjoy making sure Mary has lots of orgasms every day. I tease her for an hour or more, to make sure she really enjoys it. She still pouts some the days I don't come for her, but there's no way I'm going to miss out on my favorite entertainment just because I'm not ready to come again yet. 

Hey, God gave her the gift of multiple orgasms, and I like to see just what we can get going when I edge her long enough. 

Mary is all the entertainment I need.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Spicy said:


> I would kill for this problem.


LOL. Yeah I'm not complaining. It isn't a problem just a desire to rock his world as much as he's been rocking mine. Because he Os most time I'm sure he'd say he's satisfied and happy. I'm looking for sublime can't even talk bliss. LOL

Really just input is good.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

The more you push him to orgasm every time you have sex, the more problems you will have with your sex life. Male plumbing can be fragile, like the male ego. If he gets the idea that you are disappointed that he doesn't always orgasm, you may find that his erections will become less and less reliable. Be very careful about pressing men for more. Some men can shrug it off. Some can't. Once you find out he cannot shrug it off, you may not be able to climb back up that cliff to the high plateau you currently occupy.


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