# Longing to Be Freeeeee



## indy copendendent (Jun 28, 2010)

These are all jumbled thoughts...it's therapeutic for me to write these...and I invite you to read and share your thoughts. 

I've been married for 4.5 years, been with him for another 7 years since I was 19. 

I've always been a caring and giving person...and lately, I've realized my generosity has been taken advantage of...not in a malicious way... I don't even think it's ever been intended. I've just made it easy for my husband to lean on me a bit much and somewhere along the way, I've started to feel cheated.

I'm an independent woman. I started working when I was 16. My husband's life has been very difficult...he was raised by a single mom who ended up becoming disabled while he was only a teen. It was easy for me to feel sorry for him, then to take care of him. Feeling needed was great. But then when it came to personal and household responsibilities, I also took the brunt of it...and since I don't like to ask for help, I rarely did.

Years later, I've grown resentful. I've grown apathetic to this relationship.

Luckily, we don't have any children.

There's a major discrepancy in our relationship - our approaches to life couldn't be more different. I, for one, am working diligently to support myself but always thinking of both of us. I supported us financially for many years. It wasn't until the last couple of years when I asked him to pay his share of rent and utilities. He, on the other hand, had always had a low paying job...never any health insurance, so the responsibility always fell on me. I'm always the one planning ahead, looking out for our security, and he's the one following his dreams. (I have nothing against dreams, I'm actually following mine right now...I'll be going back to school - for a couple of reasons: 1 - to become more successful professionally and 2 - to get away from my husband with a great excuse. I'm going out of state and I'm giving him these 2 years to figure it out.) Back to his dreams - the problem is his dreams consist of a series of steps...one is to get a college education. He's attempted to go to college many times. For the first few, he was convinced it wasn't for him. Another few times, he used it as an opportunity to learn about music, which is great, but he never did anything with it. He basically went to school to acquire a hobby.

We're both 31 and I feel like we're worlds apart. I'm embarking on this incredible journey in my professional life...and he's nowhere. On top of that, he wants kids one day. How do I tell him that I can't see him being responsible enough to take care of himself, much less another being?

I just want to separate already...but the timing is awful. I'm leaving in a month to go to school and I have so much stress on me right now. 

Since I'm not working right now, money is really tight. However, we had money coming our way from tax returns, which I planned to use for a vacation before I leave for school. I was so excited...but then I received a letter that BOTH federal and state refunds were being intercepted by his lenders for school loans he failed to pay. Instead, I used my personal funds to pay for a vacation. Did I get a thank you? Not one. It's as if he was doing me a favor by going. How absolutely frustrating.

At what point do I say I'm done? I just want to be alone, to live my life without the complications of a relationship that I have to nurture, uphold, and give so much of myself to?


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## PuppyLove1234 (Jun 28, 2010)

I understand your frustration. I am currently dealing with the same issues you are. I feel that if you are really sure that its over, you should tell him you are done with him, and leave and never look back. I told my husband that I was done with him a few years ago and left him. He begged me to take him back and I did, because he said he has change and I knew what a great and wonderful man I married, but he really did not changed. 

I am now 29 years old and I am realizing that my 20s are gone and I have wasted almost all of my 20s facing difficulty with my husband. Life if short and time goes by very fast. You cannot get those years back that you have lost.

I am also back in college and not working right now,so I was waiting to graduate this December to get a job, but I am looking very hard for a job. As soon as I get a job I am out for good! I want to get back in touch with myself, and love myself more than anyone could ever. Why be miserable and suffer at someone else's expense!


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## strawberry (Jun 21, 2010)

u seem independent and strong woman. why would div n then going to collage be one more thing to worry about?. i mean u have no kids, you make all the money. so what is there to consider? you r not his mother. he's a grown man capable of taking care of himself. leaving him would be good for him. maybe he will grow up n be a man?


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## indy copendendent (Jun 28, 2010)

Thank you both for your feedback. It's funny how I've talked myself out of these same thoughts/feelings and justified staying in this relationship for years. I know it's been such a waste of time...and often times, although I know I'm a strong person, I've left myself get treated like a doormat, the exact opposite of the advice I give to my girlfriends. Since my husband is a genuinely nice person, it's easy for me to make the argument that it's enough. It isn't enough and I do need to make some changes.


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## Lostnotforgotten (Jun 19, 2010)

Let me tell you this, if your no longer in love with your husband and you see no way to repair your relationship then you must leave. Take it from someone who has watched her life pass by year after year (28), because of guilt and feeling responsible for keeping my family together. Grow, seek, and find your future, warts and all.


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