# can you be addicted to sex



## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

this might sound strange but i cant get enough sex , if i dont reach a orgasm at least 6 times a day i become really misserable ! my husband said he feels like he has nothing left to give me and to be honest its ruining our marriage , its got to the stage that i go online on web cam with other men to curb the urge ! i know this is wrong but i jus cant seem to stop !! help !!!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

katie jane said:


> if i dont reach a orgasm at least 6 times a day i become really misserable !


This is the first time I've heard something like this so I'd guess it's not typical for women.

What do you do during the day? Do you work? You seem to have a lot of down-time on your hands to be thinking about sex/orgasms.

Sex outside of your marriage (which I think webcam falls under) will only destroy your marriage and hurt your husband.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

My husband asked me to give up work when we got married and apart from meeting friends for lunch my days are pretty borring just waiting for him to come home from work .
i know how upset he would be i just cant seem to stop


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Your husband is saying he has nothing left to give you ... it sounds as though he is trying to satisfy you but your needs are on the extreme side...would you agree?

Have you thought of getting professional help? I only mention this because it seems to be something you cannot control and is affecting your marriage.

It would also help if you found something to do with your time so you aren't feeling so bored. The only caution here would be to ensure filling up time outside of the home wouldn't raise temptations for you if you are in contact with other men.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

I agree that my sexual demands arnt normal and yes maybe extreme , 
The thought of going to talk to someone about what ive done kinda freaks me .
I agree that i need to find something to feel my time only so much housework and cooking i can take . Have thought about buying some toys to use but not sure if they would just make me crave sex more . 
Ive tried to give my husband space so that hes not pressured to much but i can see in his face that sometimes he just wants to be else where .


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## needinghelpplease (Oct 14, 2009)

Huh Wow ! Wish my wife wanted sex al the time lol. but seriously yes it is extreemly WRONG TO CHEAT ON HIM!!!! AND YES THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING.... You cant keep going to other men for sex. (even if it is on web) its plain wrong and ultimatly will ruin your marrige far more then asking your husband for sex. yes buy a toy!!!!! pleasure yourself if you have to. but stop going elsewhere for sex im sure it would kill him to know while he was at work you were being sexual with other men. if you love him and want to be there find other ways to ease the urge!!!!!!!


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

I love him and i know you are right feel really guilty !!! just looking for a way fowards


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## kmw51561 (Oct 26, 2009)

You can be addicted to anything actually!

Here's what I said in your other post about this:



kmw51561 said:


> You're playing a dangerous game, tho to be honest I can see where you're coming from. Impulsive and self-destructive behavior can be found in a lot of us living 'normal' lives. You need to get some counseling, katie jane. In the meantime, keep your activities cyber because there's no doubt in my mind that sooner or later that won't be enough. I can understand how difficult it might be to approach your husband. I too have a spouse with whom I have a one-sided sexual relationship. So, until and unless circumstances between you change, you're going to have to find a way to deal with this on your own.
> 
> Good luck.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

thanks has helped loads to talk about this and thanks for all the advice i know i have to control the situation before i regret everything


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Hi katie jane,

I practise semen retention which allows me to have sex on demand as often as my wife wants it without feeling drained. Lately she has been wanting it 3 times a day, and we have been spending hours at it.

If you can talk your husband into trying this technique, he may enjoy it. It makes men very very horny.

See the articles on my website linked in my signature.

I do get the sense that you are trying to fill an emotional need in yourself with sex, and so ultimately, you may have to address that, but in the meantime, why not make the most of it?

By the way, how long have you been like this, how old are you now?


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

ive not heard of semaen retention ? but ill have a read thanks . ive always had a high sex drive but it has kinda gotten out of control over the last year , im 24 , does age become a factor ??


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

katie jane said:


> ive not heard of semaen retention ? but ill have a read thanks . ive always had a high sex drive but it has kinda gotten out of control over the last year , im 24 , does age become a factor ??


Not really, but I just wondered if something had happened in your life to trigger it. However, please don't feel like a freak. Your husband simply needs to learn how to handle you better.

You did not say how often you actually get sex from him, or what you actually do with him. It be interesting to have these additional details.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

well we have sex 4/5 times a week id like more have been pretty good at experimenting with positions and places , i havent got any sex toys ( not really sure how he feels about them ) have watched some porn together nothing heavy .
the trigger probably having to much time on my hands ( husband doesnt want me to work ) we have no children yet but he wants a stay at home wife / mother .
and its something we agreed on before we got married


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

If he learned that he need not ejaculate every time he has sex, he would find sex energising instead of draining. Then he would want more sex, not less. When I first started experimenting with semen retention, I tried ejaculating every other time. Then I got to one ejaculation per week, with sex say 4 times a week. Lately we have been doing it up to 3 times a day, and I cum form between once a week to once per month. However this is not ideal for a beginner. Once per week is the best frequency to build a horny attitude. Men who go for longer in between can get irritable.

When I first started I would get irritable if I could not have sex the minute I wanted it! That has all calmed down now.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

i enjoy the fact that he does ejaculate ! isnt that a big part of having sex ?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I'm with Katie on this one. I like when my husband cums. I enjoy it. I'd hate to only get to experience it once/month. I don't care how much more we could have sex. And when you get down to it, we can still have sex multiple times per day if he cums. He just won't the next time or two. 

Why not get a job, Katie? Why do you need to stay home if you don't have kids? Get a life and the rest will fall into place. You're bored. You're young. You may have untreated something-or-other (ADHD?). You need to get yourself busy doing something productive.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

My husband is really agaist me working , but im going to look at some courses , i know i need to open up more with him thanks


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

katie jane said:


> i enjoy the fact that he does ejaculate ! isnt that a big part of having sex ?


You say he cums 4 or 5 times a week. With most guys, any more than that takes away the urgency. If you got him to not cum say every other time, you would be amassed at the difference/enthusiasm. I am not suggesting you get him to try hard-core semen retention. I am saying be seductive and teasing. Say "I'm going to make you wait until tomorrow until you can cum". Of course a lot of guys won't go for this becuase they think that ejaculation is the goal of sex.

Well, I am almost a sex addict myself. So if I'm doing it, it must be highly pleasurable... 

But I'm not going to bang on about it any more. It's not for everyone. Some guys get painful blue balls, some guys are too dim to see beyond the 30 seconds of spurting pleasure, and it's not a religion.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

KJ,

See my thread about not getting enough !!!! I'm a bloke and I guess its not as severe as you, and probably more common.

I see your in Wales too. Will you marry me ???? LOL. Joking - wife wouldnt let me marry someone else.:-(


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

thanks guys given me a big insight i know this is a lot deeper then wanting more sex , when we do make love its fantastic . there is something holding me back from talking to my husband about needs etc ...


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## Jaceace (Oct 15, 2009)

Hi,

Katie, I am not sure why or how your hubby does not want to do it with you all the time. But I think I can say this for most blokes who are married. O MY GAWD HE IS LUCKY TO HAVE YOU! I don't mean to sound rude or anything like that. It’s just amazing to see how humans find themselves attracted to the opposite type. I guess I have al lot to learn from you since you are female. What does your husband do to make you want to make love all the time? And please tell me its something he is doing !

There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling, I am a house husband and I would love for my wife to come home for a bit of the kinky life. Unfortunately I don't have such.... ummmm a partner who desires to make love. 

Anyway, would just like to say that your hubby is a very very lucky fella and I guess when he has it all, he cant see what he could be missing out on.

I wish you the best of luck and hope your hubby comes around to his senses!


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

what does he do he do to make me want to make love all the time  

He wakes up !!!  im just really attracted to him god i love just being in the same room has him  love the way he smiles the way he talks love the smell of him especially after a gym  . Hes kind gentle and just a good person


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

That smell thing might be a part of it. Pheramones. I'm the same way with my husband. 

I wonder guys though, would you be happy knowing that your wife is on cam masturbating for other men? Because you're looking only at her drive and not the behavior that has resulted from it. And honestly, it isn't just her drive as there is more than drive going on when someone acts like this. Attention? Boredom? Underlying causes...

And since hubby hasn't had a discussion about this, I don't see how he needs to come to his senses. He doesn't understand the extent of the problem. She hasn't shared it with him. How fair is that to him?


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

im with you 100% its not fair on him . i need to come to my senses ive thrown the cam out i think i need to come clean and tell him maybe thats the hardest step fowards


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## Jaceace (Oct 15, 2009)

dobo said:


> That smell thing might be a part of it. Pheramones. I'm the same way with my husband.
> 
> I wonder guys though, would you be happy knowing that your wife is on cam masturbating for other men? Because you're looking only at her drive and not the behavior that has resulted from it. And honestly, it isn't just her drive as there is more than drive going on when someone acts like this. Attention? Boredom? Underlying causes...
> 
> And since hubby hasn't had a discussion about this, I don't see how he needs to come to his senses. He doesn't understand the extent of the problem. She hasn't shared it with him. How fair is that to him?


Sorry Dobo. But if my wife had any drive, even if she masturbated over a freaking post box I would be happy. But I guess we are all in different boats. I do not mean to sound rude. But I am the only one my wife has ever slept with. And I on the other hand have many others before. And they were nice, but I have a child now, and there is no way I would do anything to resume my previous life before I was married, I just want some thing that would improve our sex life. But this is not about me.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I don't know that I'd tell him about the cam thing. Just be honest about your desires and that you feel your desire is out of hand.

Also, talk about getting a job. There is no reason for you not to work. YOu don't want to end up being a 40-something who has never worked and has no credit and has no means apart from what he gave you. To me, that's a sure recipe for disaster later in life. 

You'll do fine. You love him.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

im going to tell him ! as for the work thing we talked last night he is dead agaist it , but is happy for me to do some courses so thats what im going to do


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Wish my wife worked more hours!! I guess he thinks hes being nice by providing for you without you having to work...

Have you got any kids btw?

Maybe a part-time job would be ok with him? something easy.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

no children yet  this isnt something that happened we agreed id give up my career before we got married its nothing new x


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Why is he so dead set against it? Is this a power trip?

I'd be upset if my husband basically forbade me from working if I wanted to.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

Finances dont call for me to work , its not something he just desided its something we both talked at great length about . Its not a power trip on his part its not that he want s to keep me at home i go out meet friends go dancing etc ... Im looking into doing some courses  maybe in the future ill push the working thing , but for now im happy to do some learning go back to colledge


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Katie i dont work but ive got a small army off little children to keep me busy , i think you just need to find another outlet for you time , there is nothing wrong with wanting to make love more to your husband i dont need to point out what is wrong you already know that . doing some courses is a good way to feel some time as long as you are happy doing that . wishing you lots of luck


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

gone from being addicted to sex to colledge ?? not sure how but hey !!


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## Christianmarriage (Oct 27, 2009)

katie jane said:


> i enjoy the fact that he does ejaculate ! isnt that a big part of having sex ?


Acutally I really enjoy the idea of the ejaculation part. My husband tells me all the time that I am too much of a freak even though that was why he wanted to start dating me because of what he heard. But, he does not want me to perform oral sex on him, let alone trying to swallow or have him to ejaculate on me. He thinks that is the nastiest thing a woman could want from her husband.


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## CarolineMRF (Sep 2, 2009)

All women can be addicted to sex....I am sure that I am, but I control it....I could party time with my husband five times a day...However, I know that if I did this that I would not enjoy it as much as I do other times...It would be like eating candy all the time..Too much and you get sick of it....But I, unlike you, do not think of it all the time...I have a busy life...I am into antiques, and I read and I could go on and on about things I love...Sex is one of them, however, it is part of both of us...He could never keep up with me so I understand this and adjust myself accordingly...It is the understanding of the woman inside of you that makes you complete...Not just looking at one part of who you are....


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

Well i know i am , i think of having sex / making love to my husband all the time , i think about where to make out .. even love dressing up for him .


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I think it would be helpful if your husband understood what women who are kept at home end up doing after 13 or 14 years... They leave their husbands. Not all, but enough of them do. You're going to grow up and want something of your own and you'll regret what you didn't do because he didn't want you to do them.

Just because you have enough money doesn't mean you should sit around idle. And unless you take a full course load, you're still going to have too much time on your hands.

So either get a job or volunteer somewhere. Find meaning in your life apart from your husband. 

Do you want to end up being the boring wife who gets replaced by some strong, accomplished woman? Be all that you can be. And just because you have $$ now doesn't mean you will always have money. A second income could finance a lot of things, including a savings account just in case... college for kids... a great vacation.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Excuse me for a minute or two. I need to go take care of something in private....


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Cody, will you please grow up or move on? This place isn't about that. It isn't funny.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

we talked all night , i told him everything.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

katie jane said:


> we talked all night , i told him everything.


OMG. Did you even tell him that you did it with the same person at times? 

How did he react?


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

Yes i told him every thing , he told me he knew something wasnt right , he wanted to know who what site etc how many times .. where the cam was now , would i do it again , he was angry to say the least .. hes finishing work early today so we can talk more


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

just recieved flowers from my husband and a note saying he understands and hes looking fowards to seeing me this afternoon ... and men think women are hard to understand ?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

He doesn't want to lose you.

You did a very brave thing and I'm sure he sees that. You didn't have to tell him and he knows it. He'd never have known.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

KJ - you've got a decent husband there. Dont let him get away...


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

holding on to him very tightly  Im glad i was able to tell him its opened the gates to having some good talking , thanks guys for all your support its been both usefull and made me really think about my life and your all right i do want to go back to work at least until with have children , spent to long studying at uni to walk away from having a career . many thanks im glad ive got a chance to have new beginings


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

If you can get him to realise he does not have to cum every time you have sex, he will discover a whole new world. Most men feel a bit drained if the cum more than 4 or 5 times a week. If he cut down to 3 times, and just made love to you without cumming every time, he would get very very horny after a week or two of this. Don't ask me how I know


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

i dont know who would miss him cumming more him or me  have brought toys to explore  im just glad he was so understanding


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Semaen retention is fantastic takes a while to get use to but i know that my husband really enjoys the whole act of making love its not about just cumming now he said he enjoys every single thrust and yes he wants it more , my hubbie cums 1 every two weeks but has been known to have accidents now and then ! its worth a try


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

But *I* want his c*m!!!!


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

dobo .. good call me to ! i would feel like ive been satified and he hasnt , plus i like it turns me on when he does c*m .


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

dobo said:


> But *I* want his c*m!!!!


Sure. But once a man has cum, sex is the last thing on his mind. And if he is over 25, after 5 ejaculations per week, sex will seem boring to him. But if you get him to limit it to say even 3 times, sex becomes super hot. He can have sex 10 times per week, and still want more.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

borring ???? i hope not


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

katie jane said:


> borring ???? i hope not


I don't make the rules! Ejaculation is a drain on the system. It takes 60 days to make a sperm - OK so we make several million in one batch, but even so it takes a lot of trace elements and proteins. That stuff has to come from somewhere  On top of that the seminal fluid is rich in zinc and other good things. Every time a man cums, the body gets to work on scavenging the needed nutrients from his system to make a fresh load.

On top of that... ejaculation releases prolactin, the "roll over and go to sleep" hormone. Women have this reaction as well, but in most women it's far more muted and diffuse. There can also be a delay before it kicks in. Not so with men. As soon as the last contraction of orgasm is over, it starts to work it's sleepy magic.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

lol hence the lack of chat after sex !! wondering where i was going wrong ... seriously though its worth a go .. its not like you dont have great sex it just becomes so much more enjoyable because he enjoys every single thrust .. you still get to have that cum just not after every time you make out and to be honest i enjoy it more because off the retention  no harm in trying !


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

ok it might be worth a try but how do you go about starting ? how did you bring the subject up with your husband or did he ? how long did it take for him to be more interested in sex ? and whats your lowest point in trying ?


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

Ive found myself sitting in front of my computer a few times to day and the urge to log on has been crazy !! ive talked myself out of doing so ... ive got far to much time on my hands i do belive a lot of what im going through is bordom !! any ideas ?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Get a job, woman!!!


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

That is something ive been looking at doing i really miss being able to go out to work .. 
i think if i dont my marriage wont survive !! just have my husband to convince . i can bring the subject up i just know he will say nope ! 

he just says you have everything you need we dont need the money dont keep on ! and then walks away


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

but you dont have everything you need , its not good for your relationship if you just stay at home your end up resenting him and thats not good ..why does he want you to stay at home ? is he controlling ? what does he gain from it ? and what could he gain from you working ?


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