# Was doing well until we had a family holiday together



## MF_DDAY224 (10 mo ago)

We are both in mid 30s. Married 12 years. 3 kids. She had an emotional affair with a male friend and then told me she wanted a divorce in late January. She slept with him shortly after. I begged at first to make it work but she wasn’t having it. I stopped begging and began to move on. Started taking care of myself, listening to advice on forums etc…started to feel happy again. We recently had a family event together for the kids. Felt like a family again. I started regressing emotionally after I got home. It bothers me she chose a loser who got arrested for picking up $60 hookers and she still doesn’t care. I don’t want him around our kids. She’s introduced our 8yo daughter to him. They’re booking vacations together instead of her spending time with our kids. I hate her, but I still love her. All my friends and family and my therapist says to let her go as she’s been abusive to me most of our relationship, and I thought I could until we started doing family things together. The holiday events will continue in the future for the sake of the kids. How do you get over someone you have to see often and do things together with?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> We are both in mid 30s. Married 12 years. 3 kids. She had an emotional affair with a male friend and then told me she wanted a divorce in late January. She slept with him shortly after. I begged at first to make it work but she wasn’t having it. I stopped begging and began to move on. Started taking care of myself, listening to advice on forums etc…started to feel happy again. We recently had a family event together for the kids. Felt like a family again. I started regressing emotionally after I got home. It bothers me she chose a loser who got arrested for picking up $60 hookers and she still doesn’t care. I don’t want him around our kids. She’s introduced our 8yo daughter to him. They’re booking vacations together instead of her spending time with our kids. I hate her, but I still love her. All my friends and family and my therapist says to let her go as she’s been abusive to me most of our relationship, and I thought I could until we started doing family things together. The holiday events will continue in the future for the sake of the kids. How do you get over someone you have to see often and do things together with?


If these family vacations are going to effect you so much that it also effects the kids, it may be time to end them. I understand wanting to do things for the kids and put on that happy, co-parenting family image, but it isn't always the best option. Only you know how well you can hide this pain from the kids, but they do pick up on a lot. What will the kids remember, the fun vacation or how much dad was hurting? 

If you do keep up with the vacations, can you work on boundaries so that you DON'T feel like a family again? What made you feel like a family? 

Also, what happens when you both get into serious relationships or remarry? Your spouses won't want you taking off for a vacation with your ex. So this may not be a permanent thing anyway.

The kids don't need you to go on vacations together. They need you both to show up, be good parents, and not drag them in the middle of your issues.


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## MF_DDAY224 (10 mo ago)

I set up boundaries. I was polite and responded to her kept it short. The kids had a great time so they didn’t see any bad dynamics between us. I did the event for the kids, not for her. Not even for myself, because I have a better time when we do things together without her there. But I feel like they need to see us have a healthy relationship for their own sake. My 8yo is taking the divorce hard. What made me feel like a family was just doing things together. It’s not something we ever really had a lot of time for since she works 24/7. In the divorce agreement we agreed to do family events together until one of us decides not to anymore. I think I’m just trauma bonded because my life had gotten significantly better since we separated.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Well....decide not to anymore. If doing family events is going to effect your mental well being and make you regress like it sounds like it is, it's time to call that quits. Your daughter can and will see healthy relationship dynamics with her mother if both of you choose that for her outside of doing family events.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You are no longer family WITH HER and she is no longer a part of your family. That is what a divorce is. 

She will always be the biological mother of the kids and she is entitled to her custodial time with them. But she is no longer a part of your family. SHE is the one that destroyed that. She is the one that severed the family relationship with you. 

Now she wants to have family trips and Hallmark family moments with you so she can show how well she can get along as a family unit with you while she goes home at night to bang some other creeper????? Yeah fck that!!! 

If she wants to play family with you, tell her to fck off. She ain't part of your family anymore. She choose that path when she decided she'd rather bang this other guy. She doesn't even charge him. At least the hooker was $60 out of the deal. 

She no longer deserves to be part of your family and is no longer entitled to any of your family time or energies. Start planning on doing your own family activities with the kids and any of your friends and family WITHOUT HER. She did that and she brought that on herself.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

1 — Family togetherness after a divorce can give children the false idea that their parents will get back together.

2 — You are having trouble dealing with it so listen to your friends and family therapist and let go of her completely.

3 — She’s chosen not to be a family with you anymore. That's the point to remember.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Her new pos is a criminal, get a lawyer and use that to keep him away from your kids.

Stop the family vacations, you are no longer a family with your cheating wife.

You are in love with who you thought you were married to. That person never existed.

Divorce lawyer and go for full custody. Criminal background on her bf. Restraining order to keep him away from your kids.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> We are both in mid 30s. Married 12 years. 3 kids. She had an emotional affair with a male friend and then told me she wanted a divorce in late January. She slept with him shortly after. I begged at first to make it work but she wasn’t having it. I stopped begging and began to move on. Started taking care of myself, listening to advice on forums etc…started to feel happy again. We recently had a family event together for the kids. Felt like a family again. I started regressing emotionally after I got home. It bothers me she chose a loser who got arrested for picking up $60 hookers and she still doesn’t care. I don’t want him around our kids. She’s introduced our 8yo daughter to him. They’re booking vacations together instead of her spending time with our kids. I hate her, but I still love her. All my friends and family and my therapist says to let her go as she’s been abusive to me most of our relationship, and I thought I could until we started doing family things together. The holiday events will continue in the future for the sake of the kids. How do you get over someone you have to see often and do things together with?


No offense man, I don't want to be harsh her but she is with this guy because she is exactly like this guy. You need to follow your own advice and stop choosing a loser who would rather be with a guy like then then her family. It's a big bright world with lots of good women out there. Your ex is not one of them.

My parents divorced when I was 7. I never did a holiday event with them again. We split the holidays from that day forward. Until my sister had her kids about 15 years later. It can be done. It must be done.


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## The Narcissist's Wife (10 mo ago)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> We are both in mid 30s. Married 12 years. 3 kids. She had an emotional affair with a male friend and then told me she wanted a divorce in late January. She slept with him shortly after. I begged at first to make it work but she wasn’t having it. I stopped begging and began to move on. Started taking care of myself, listening to advice on forums etc…started to feel happy again. We recently had a family event together for the kids. Felt like a family again. I started regressing emotionally after I got home. It bothers me she chose a loser who got arrested for picking up $60 hookers and she still doesn’t care. I don’t want him around our kids. She’s introduced our 8yo daughter to him. They’re booking vacations together instead of her spending time with our kids. I hate her, but I still love her. All my friends and family and my therapist says to let her go as she’s been abusive to me most of our relationship, and I thought I could until we started doing family things together. The holiday events will continue in the future for the sake of the kids. How do you get over someone you have to see often and do things together with?


I can only give you advice through my experience..and it's from a different end of the situation. My H and his ex wife have 3 kids..now adults..together and chose to do the same thing. This went on for the first 9 years him and I were together and it caused us to separate on numerous occassions. He claimed he was doing this for the kids sake, but honestly as time went on it felt like he was doing this to keep control of and monitor his ex wife. He had moved on but she hadn't and initially I blamed her for always wanting to butt in and be overly involved..but over time it seemed more that he was stringing her along. Playing games, giving her hope..etc. this also had a huge negative impact on all 3 kids. They often got confused, even as they entered preteens, about the situation. It gave them hope that their dad would leave me and go bk with their mom. I truly feel that had the "shared" holidays been ended in the beginning things would have turned out differently. All 3 boys have serious mental and emotional issues due to sharing holidays and overly involved coparenting techniques. We also have 2 kids together and since this went on with our oldest child..he too got confused and thought my H's ex wife was part of his family..obviously leading to more problems between the two of us. Though you have not moved on yet ..when you do..this could cause issues for the next woman you choose to be with. Again my perspective is from the opposite end of the situation but hopefully offers you some insight. Now there were other devious things going on in my situation as well..such as he never actually got divorced over that 9 year period and lied to my face about it. I also believe my H was telling different stories to different people involved. I do believe when you choose to move on with someone it is important to establish your own life together. It is hard enough entering a relationship with someone who has a well established relationship with an ex..you feel insecure and intimidated to start with. It is perfectly normal and okay to attend the same events for your kids..games, graduations, ceremonies..but that doesn't mean you need to be throwing birthday parties together or other holidays. These things also vary from situation to situation..but if it is already affecting you negatively and your ability to move forward..then you should stop it now. It is giving her control over your life, which she chose to exit on her own free will. Don't let it keep you from being happy.
Good Luck


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## MF_DDAY224 (10 mo ago)

ABHale said:


> Her new pos is a criminal, get a lawyer and use that to keep him away from your kids.
> 
> Stop the family vacations, you are no longer a family with your cheating wife.
> 
> ...


I meet with my lawyer tomorrow and this is one of the things I’m going to bring up. I don’t know how much weight i will get regarding his criminal history though. I’m going to ask if it’s feasible of me to get a restraining order that will stick. I am running a background report on him before my meeting as well. I don’t want her to have the kids at all but again I wonder how that will affect my kids, not being able to see their mom. She does care about them, but she just puts herself above them. Where I live now they’ll also be able to go to a better school district and where they are now is one of the worst in the area. I’m hoping a judge considers that.


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## MF_DDAY224 (10 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> No offense man, I don't want to be harsh her but she is with this guy because she is exactly like this guy. You need to follow your own advice and stop choosing a loser who would rather be with a guy like then then her family. It's a big bright world with lots of good women out there. Your ex is not one of them.
> 
> My parents divorced when I was 7. I never did a holiday event with them again. We split the holidays from that day forward. Until my sister had her kids about 15 years later. It can be done. It must be done.


when I brought up my concerns, she waved it away because she claims he only sought a hooker bc his mom had recently died and his date ditched him that night and he was lonely. That’s how she’s OK with it.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> I meet with my lawyer tomorrow and this is one of the things I’m going to bring up. I don’t know how much weight i will get regarding his criminal history though. I’m going to ask if it’s feasible of me to get a restraining order that will stick. I am running a background report on him before my meeting as well. I don’t want her to have the kids at all but again I wonder how that will affect my kids, not being able to see their mom. She does care about them, but she just puts herself above them. Where I live now they’ll also be able to go to a better school district and where they are now is one of the worst in the area. I’m hoping a judge considers that.


Chances are you will not be able to stop your ex from seeing the children. It takes a heck of a lot more than that for someone to lose custody - especially a mother. At best (and it's still very unlikely) she would still have supervised visits.


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## MF_DDAY224 (10 mo ago)

bobert said:


> Chances are you will not be able to stop your ex from seeing the children. It takes a heck of a lot more than that for someone to lose custody - especially a mother. At best (and it's still very unlikely) she would still have supervised visits.


I’m really more concerned about not letting him see my kids. I’m hoping I have enough to make that happen bc I don’t want this person around my kids. Ever. He’s never had any kids himself and has a lot of only short term relationships. I’m hoping that it fails sooner rather than later and she finds someone who can actually support her and be a good step dad to my kids because that’s inevitably going to happen with whomever she ends up with. My other concern is that she’s already introducing him to my kids.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> I’m really more concerned about not letting him see my kids. I’m hoping I have enough to make that happen bc I don’t want this person around my kids. Ever. He’s never had any kids himself and has a lot of only short term relationships. I’m hoping that it fails sooner rather than later and she finds someone who can actually support her and be a good step dad to my kids because that’s inevitably going to happen with whomever she ends up with. My other concern is that she’s already introducing him to my kids.


You should include in your custody agreement that the children cannot be introduced to new partners for x amount of time. 

Have you filed for divorce yet? You need to start getting a custody arrangement in place, and a temporary one may cover some of the issues.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> I’m really more concerned about not letting him see my kids. I’m hoping I have enough to make that happen bc I don’t want this person around my kids. Ever. He’s never had any kids himself and has a lot of only short term relationships. I’m hoping that it fails sooner rather than later and she finds someone who can actually support her and be a good step dad to my kids because that’s inevitably going to happen with whomever she ends up with. My other concern is that she’s already introducing him to my kids.


No offense but dude this is crazy thinking. I’ve seen a lot of people around this place with these hopes of controlling the situation when the kids are with the other parent and who they are “allowed” to see …… uummmm… that doesn’t happen. You are wasting a lot of mental space on that false hope. Unless the guy has some kind of serious record you can forget about it. What you do need to do is quit playing “family time” with her as that is an emotionally disasterous idea for both you and the kids. Concentrate on the lawyer… that’s where your efforts belong. Yes it sucks …..


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Check with your lawyer. Depending on how your state laws are written, he may be considered a sex offender and cannot have access to children. 

Different areas have different laws. In some states it can be stipulated that children not be introduced to other partners, and other states have laws specifically barring such stipulations. 

Some states may view soliciting prostitution as a sex offender that can not be around minor children and other states it is treated as little more than a traffic offense. 

Check with your lawyer to see how that is treated in your jurisdiction.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mr.Married said:


> No offense but dude this is crazy thinking. I’ve seen a lot of people around this place with these hopes of controlling the situation when the kids are with the other parent and who they are “allowed” to see …… uummmm… that doesn’t happen. You are wasting a lot of mental space on that false hope. Unless the guy has some kind of serious record you can forget about it. What you do need to do is quit playing “family time” with her as that is an emotionally disasterous idea for both you and the kids. Concentrate on the lawyer… that’s where your efforts belong. Yes it sucks …..


It depends on the jurisdiction and sometimes even down to the specific judge. One of my good friends was stupid enough to use his wife's lawyer in their divorce and she had stipulation put into their divorce that he could not date anyone or introduce to the kids to anyone without her expressed approval and he was dumb enough to sign it anyway. 

He started dating someone anyway and she went to the lawyer raising a stink. The only thing the lawyer could do was send him a letter stating that he was in noncompliance with Article # blah blah blah of the decree. He tossed the letter in the garbage and went on about his business with the GF/new wife and the kids and no one could really do anything more than a letter from an attorney (which carries no actual legal authority) scolding him. 

Some individual judges may not take kindly to their decrees not being complied with, but I'm not sure if in a free country whether they can actually do more than a scolding themselves. 

What may be actionable however is if a mom's boyfriend is on some kind of child abuse or sex offender registry. If someone is on a registry, that does give some legal teeth. 

What needs to be determined here is whether solicitation for prostitution is considered a sexual offense and whether it puts him on any kind of offender registry or not. It might be in some places. I would guess most places it is not but it's worth a phone call to the lawyer.


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## MF_DDAY224 (10 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> It depends on the jurisdiction and sometimes even down to the specific judge. One of my good friends was stupid enough to use his wife's lawyer in their divorce and she had stipulation put into their divorce that he could not date anyone or introduce to the kids to anyone without her expressed approval and he was dumb enough to sign it anyway.
> 
> He started dating someone anyway and she went to the lawyer raising a stink. The only thing the lawyer could do was send him a letter stating that he was in noncompliance with Article # blah blah blah of the decree. He tossed the letter in the garbage and went on about his business with the GF/new wife and the kids and no one could really do anything more than a letter from an attorney (which carries no actual legal authority) scolding him.
> 
> ...


unfortunately he's not, at least not that i can find on a public database. he never actually got with the prostitute because it was a sting operation, not sure if that makes a difference. i meet with my lawyer tomorrow to start the divorce process, but also ask him all the questions i have written down. i'm really hoping i can get it put in there that he can't see our kids, but the ex would never agree to that. and if it's not legally enforceable then that sucks as well. what a terrible position to be in, not to be able to protect your kids from a potential predator.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> unfortunately he's not, at least not that i can find on a public database. he never actually got with the prostitute because it was a sting operation, not sure if that makes a difference. i meet with my lawyer tomorrow to start the divorce process, but also ask him all the questions i have written down. i'm really hoping i can get it put in there that he can't see our kids, but the ex would never agree to that. and if it's not legally enforceable then that sucks as well. what a terrible position to be in, not to be able to protect your kids from a potential predator.


So much depends on how the state's laws are written and even down to city ordinances and such on how solicitation is handled and much will also come down to other specifics. 

If the sting operation was to catch child predators and the decoy was posing as a minor, that is fundamentally different than if the decoy was a consenting adult. If it was child predator sting, that may carry some weight. 

If it was just a garden variety sting with adult decoys, a lot of those solicitation charges end up being little more than a traffic violation since no actual sex occured. Most of those other stings are when the neighbors start to complain about the whores on the street in their nieghborhood so the cops will do a sting to post pictures of the jons to scare them out of the neighborhood and send them back down to the 'hood. They often end up being little more than what a few traffic citations would be. 

The problem is in a free society, it's really hard for even a court to order someone not to date someone or introduce kids to them. 

I'm not a lawyer or anything, but about the only area where there is some legal weight is if someone is on some kind of child abuse or sex offender registry. Even if someone has prior convictions of robbery or drug offenses or assault etc etc, there's not much that can be done because cannot be held in assumption of committing a future crime that is fundamentally different than a past crime they may have committed. If they haven't already been declared a threat to children, it's hard to take any legally binding action on the assumption that they pose a future threat. 

People can mutually agree to not introduce others to the children and it can even be written into a decree. But like with my friend, i don't know if there are any actual legal teeth to enforce that.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Definitely need to leave her. You have oneitis. There are many other lovely women in the world who will treat you right and be faithful.


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> We are both in mid 30s. Married 12 years. 3 kids. She had an emotional affair with a male friend and then told me she wanted a divorce in late January. She slept with him shortly after. I begged at first to make it work but she wasn’t having it. I stopped begging and began to move on. Started taking care of myself, listening to advice on forums etc…started to feel happy again. We recently had a family event together for the kids. Felt like a family again. I started regressing emotionally after I got home. It bothers me she chose a loser who got arrested for picking up $60 hookers and she still doesn’t care. I don’t want him around our kids. She’s introduced our 8yo daughter to him. They’re booking vacations together instead of her spending time with our kids. I hate her, but I still love her. All my friends and family and my therapist says to let her go as she’s been abusive to me most of our relationship, and I thought I could until we started doing family things together. The holiday events will continue in the future for the sake of the kids. How do you get over someone you have to see often and do things together with?


Loving someone is different than wanting or having to be with them. Some people that we love knowingly and sometimes unknowingly abuse us. You have to realize and accept the *FACT* that being with her poses significant, self-inflicted harm and emotional injury to yourself. You are in a battle between the intellectual and emotional self. Emotions are beautiful but they sometimes stand in the way of self protection when it's needed most. 

Until you see that she is imposing harm upon you and that you are *ALLOWING* it, you will remain weakened by her disrespect and unloving thoughts of you. To her you are an emotional option at best and possibly an emotional liability, but for you she is an emotional priority and worthy of coveting. 

You are entirely capable of reprioritizing your thought process and realize *you* are capable of supplying your emotional, spiritual and personal happiness. Right now she is supplying this energy. Once you start to believe and act upon the fact that you are in charge of your life and affairs, your present situation will change, *immediately*. The mind is more powerful than the emotions that occupy it. Once you see, believe and act in this way you will see. 

It's not easy. But what's worth having that is? You can start right now, Sunday April 3, 2022 to change the course of your personal destiny so that you are the captain of your ship, not another individual who love, protects and prioritizes another man. Don't compromise your self dignity and respect, as it's the only thing you have left. REFUSE THIS AT ALL COSTS.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

The ONLY things you both have to attend are their weddings and graduations. I can't think of anything else. Doing loads of joint family things just isn't necessary.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Stop seeing her, spending time with her, inviting her to things, etc. Cut contact to the absolute furthest degree possible.

It’s not time alone that heals all wounds — it’s time _and_ distance.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

She isn’t a good mom! She basically gave the whole family a FU!

My mom did the same thing when I was 4. My siblings and myself went to leave with our dad when we turned 13. My mom loves us in her own way, she just wanted to party and wasn’t involved with us kids. Even now, she isn’t involved with her grandkids, she can’t leave her cats to visit.

Your kids would be better off with minimal contact with her. They need to know why the family has been torn apart (age appropriate).


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> I’m really more concerned about not letting him see my kids. I’m hoping I have enough to make that happen bc I don’t want this person around my kids. Ever. He’s never had any kids himself and has a lot of only short term relationships. I’m hoping that it fails sooner rather than later and she finds someone who can actually support her and be a good step dad to my kids because that’s inevitably going to happen with whomever she ends up with. My other concern is that she’s already introducing him to my kids.


That should never of happened


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> when I brought up my concerns, she waved it away because she claims he only sought a hooker bc his mom had recently died and his date ditched him that night and he was lonely. That’s how she’s OK with it.


Exactly, presumably if her Mom died she would be fine with getting a hooker for herself, or braking other laws as well, she is cool with cheating right? Point is she is just like him, which is why she is comfortable with him.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> How do you get over someone you have to see often and do things together with?


You don't "have" to see her often and you certainly don't "have" to do holidays/trips away together. That kind of thing, while admirable, is very confusing for the kids. Very. 

You deal with her only when you have to ie at changeover or school events, you're polite, keep conversation to pleasantries/kid related only and for the shortest possible time.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> _*We recently had a family event together for the kids. Felt like a family again. I started regressing emotionally after I got home. It bothers me she chose a loser who got arrested for picking up $60 hookers and she still doesn’t care. I don’t want him around our kids. She’s introduced our 8yo daughter to him. They’re booking vacations together instead of her spending time with our kids. I hate her, but I still love her. All my friends and family and my therapist says to let her go as she’s been abusive to me most of our relationship, and I thought I could until we started doing family things together. The holiday events will continue in the future for the sake of the kids. How do you get over someone you have to see often and do things together with?*_



Stop engaging in utter *NONSENSE*. Confusing your kids by continuing to do holiday events together with her and the kids isn't helping anyone. You're just CONFUSING your kids! Whose brilliant idea was it to start spending all your holidays together "like a family" even though you're no longer a family? I'm guessing it was yours, and it's obvious as to why.

Stop using your kids as an excuse to see your ex - you're not fooling anyone. And that's EXACTLY what you're doing - using your kids as an excuse to engage in the ignorant behavior of orbiting around your wife, desperate for her to once again magically fall back in love with you. She's abused you for how long now? And then she finds a boyfriend and DESERTS you, and you're actually crying into your soup missing her and wanting her to love you? Good lord, where is your spine?

Do you REALLY want to put your kids first? Then STOP with the ignorant "family holidays" because you're just confusing them.

Find your spine, OP. Find your SPINE and stop crying over someone who couldn't even show you the same amount of respect most of us show the common house fly!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You hate her and you love her. No, you just love her (the imaginary her). The real her cheats, brings guys that hire hookers around your kids, etc etc. 

When you move on and find another woman to love and never think about her or give a **** if she lives or dies, you’ll be over it.

The above poster is exactly right, you’re using the kids as an excuse to be near her.

Polinsky is right—- time and distance.
All you’re doing is orbiting her while she f’s another guy right in your face after betraying you and your kids.

Start seeing her as the sleeze she is and maybe you’ll wise up.
Also, your kids watching you chase a cheater and bring her floor mat isn’t going to help them at all. They need to see how to move in with their lives when someone betrays them.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> I meet with my lawyer tomorrow and this is one of the things I’m going to bring up. I don’t know how much weight i will get regarding his criminal history though. I’m going to ask if it’s feasible of me to get a restraining order that will stick. I am running a background report on him before my meeting as well. I don’t want her to have the kids at all but again I wonder how that will affect my kids, not being able to see their mom. She does care about them, but she just puts herself above them. Where I live now they’ll also be able to go to a better school district and where they are now is one of the worst in the area. I’m hoping a judge considers that.


Instead of "NOT seeing them at all" --- I bet the courts would look on that rather poorly, make sure she has supervised visitation. There can be constraints put around that.


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## MF_DDAY224 (10 mo ago)

So just an update, the guy she cheated on me with cheated on her with multiple women and they aren't together anymore. Hopefully she focuses on herself and the kids fully now.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> So just an update, the guy she cheated on me with cheated on her with multiple women and they aren't together anymore. Hopefully she focuses on herself and the kids fully now.


Most likely, that's wishful thinking from your part. Just remember. Stay out of reach from her (kids business only), and don't get any stupid ideas about her. Her focusing on her children will be up to her.
and who cares if the dude cheated on her, that was a given from the get go. Empty victory for you.


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## MF_DDAY224 (10 mo ago)

i have zero ideas. my life has been steadily improving in every imaginable way since we separated and i wouldn't want to start regressing. i knew it wouldn't last, but i am hopeful she puts her effort into the kids still because they've been suffering while she's been ignoring them for her toy


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My guess is that she’ll very quickly move on to another distraction like her last one. Sadly, there’s no reason to think she won’t continue ignoring her children.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> So just an update, the guy she cheated on me with cheated on her with multiple women and they aren't together anymore. Hopefully she focuses on herself and the kids fully now.


Be ready for her to go to plan B (you) and she will try like crazy to get you back.... don't fall for it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MF_DDAY224 said:


> We are both in mid 30s. Married 12 years. 3 kids. She had an emotional affair with a male friend and then told me she wanted a divorce in late January. She slept with him shortly after. I begged at first to make it work but she wasn’t having it. I stopped begging and began to move on. Started taking care of myself, listening to advice on forums etc…started to feel happy again. We recently had a family event together for the kids. Felt like a family again. I started regressing emotionally after I got home. It bothers me she chose a loser who got arrested for picking up $60 hookers and she still doesn’t care. I don’t want him around our kids. She’s introduced our 8yo daughter to him. They’re booking vacations together instead of her spending time with our kids. I hate her, but I still love her. All my friends and family and my therapist says to let her go as she’s been abusive to me most of our relationship, and I thought I could until we started doing family things together. The holiday events will continue in the future for the sake of the kids. How do you get over someone you have to see often and do things together with?


You don't have to do anything with her as a family. Just be sure you get your time with the kids without her around.


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## balbichi (Sep 17, 2021)

Please, dont sleep with her. STD s galore!!


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