# Any WW never tell their BH who is the OM? Why?



## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Any WW never tell their BH who their OM was?

Why?


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Fresh example from a recent thread: ".. because it will ruin his family."

Oh the sensitivity.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Not so fresh example from another thread: Because the BS may be someone akin to Incredible Hulk next to the OM and the WW wouldn't want the reveal the source of the new found happiness. She needs him intact, of course.

Thing is the BS had busted them in OM's own place and drama had ensued.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Case: OM is the best friend of BS's.

People call this double betrayal. I call it something else, which has no translation in English.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

Hey! That's what mine told me. I still found out about him and the others. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Blacksmith01 said:


> hey! That's what mine told me. I still found out about him and the others. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hulk!

Smash.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My wife actually introduced me to her OM!


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Things I’ve seen over the years... It’ll be your best friend or close friend. It might be someone well respected and they are saving him from disgrace (like your pastor or mayor). It might be someone so hideous they can’t live with the embarrassment if you knew how they threw it away for “this” really unattractive loser. It might be a family member (on either side... gross). It might be a minor. It might be same sex lovers. 

Usually though, it’s just pure fear you’ll “Ruin his family too” and trying to damage control the situation.

My wife actually had the nerve to tell me “But he has a 5 year old and you’ll destroy his family!” My response was “And that’s worse than our 5, 7, and 9 year old kids and him destroying my family!? I won’t do anything he wasn’t willing to do! What bothers me here is how willing you were to wreck our family and how much you wanting to save his... WTF is wrong with you!”


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Racer said:


> My wife actually had the nerve to tell me “But he has a 5 year old and you’ll destroy his family!” My response was “And that’s worse than our 5, 7, and 9 year old kids and him destroying my family!? I won’t do anything he wasn’t willing to do! What bothers me here is how willing you were to wreck our family and how much you wanting to save his... WTF is wrong with you!”


If I may, I would very much like to hear her response to that question..


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

verpin zal said:


> If I may, I would very much like to hear her response to that question..


She's a special kind of dumb, but learning to not answer or make choices based on emotion. 

After my response... you could see that flare in her eyes and posture that she wanted to fight me (her emotion) and the rational part of head start coming 'online'. Funny, I always get a visual laugh as you can just see these old gears start cranking inside her head as she begins to 'think' instead of 'react'. Kind of a deer in the headlights type pause... 

Then that recognition that I was right and she'd crashed out onto really thin ice. So, she blotches (like blushing where her neck goes all red), goes silent, and sulks back to her corner. And as usual.. she ponders this for days, then feeds me the scrap of information I requested; His name.

Never did find his BW... did the cheaterville, but every source I had only had his name and addresses of the various rentals he owned. Sent an email to their church though since she was mentioned in a flier as a speaker for a sermon. Never heard anything back so I assume it was buried.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

verpin zal said:


> Hulk!
> 
> Smash.


yes and the line about destroying his family. Her loyalty was to him as she thought that she could save hers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

If I may, fellas, it's not only WW's who do this. My WH withheld names as well. He said he never new her name or couldn't remember her last name, etc. As it turns out, that was apparently true for a few of his ONS encounters. However, at least one those "just a one night stand" ladies, whose last name he didn't know, was actually a real affair. They texted, sexted, emailed and talked on the phone for months, in addition to meeting at various places for weekends together. He still doesn't know that I know.

If I bothered to ask him, I'm sure he would say he was just trying to spare me pain and protect me from the truth. But I think the reality is that she has a family with young children. ExH is a KISA, and he would never ever do anything to further damage the already troubled marriage of his "dear friend". 

Well, that, and I think part of the allure of cheating was a sort of gleeful excitement that came from getting one over on me. Like a rebellious teen gloating over the fact his Mom doesn't know he got drunk at that party last night.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

and going the full circle:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/144193-any-bhs-have-ww-refuse-tell-who-om.html


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Why don't they tell?

Because the betrayed partner allows it (because they're not strong enough to draw that line in the sand).

Because the cheater doesn't respect the betrayed partner and the betrayed partner allows themself to be disrespected.

Because the cheater isn't remorseful.

Because the cheater really doesn't care about the betrayed partner. 

None of these statements should be the least bit surprising.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

It is a little shocking that given all the info available with a quick search online (free or really cheap) that anyone manages to stay anonymous. 

That said in the fog it seems to be very common (they remain oh so protective of the POS). 

By the time I confronted I practically had a PowerPoint presentation. 

That is thanks to this site, I found the advice I really needed t a crucial point as I was about to blow it by confronting too soon with a partial picture.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> My wife actually introduced me to her OM!


And if I recall you punched him in the nads and broke a bottle over his head. Then you you threw your WW down on top of him and yelled "Here! Take the wh0re. I don't want her nasty azz anymore."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

With my first ex wife I never had to ask the question. She didn't know the names of the multiple men she slept around with. They were ONSs or she would just take them into the men's restrooms at bars and fvck them in the toilet stalls. Yeah she was a real class act back then. 

She has reformed herself to a huge extent over the last twenty years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

My ex never told me who it was but I figured it out with time. It was a long time though before I was able to put pieces together.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

My STBXW says she doesn't remember his name. Or where he lives, or the city, street, or town. 

She claims lots of things, none of them are to be believed. 

I stopped asking, digging and monitoring long ago, when i concluded it was lots of wasted energy better put to some other use. 

It hurt a bit to hear "he meant nothing to me" way back when. If he meant nothing, then how little do I matter? 

Haven't quite decided if she just didn't care about me at all, or if it was outright hate.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

awake1 said:


> It hurt a bit to hear "he meant nothing to me" way back when. If he meant nothing, then how little do I matter?


When my first ex-wife and I reunited after twenty years (earlier this year), I basically asked her the same question. 

She broke down and cried and then said, "It wasn't that I didn't love you, but the hatred I had for myself that led me to have sex with all those men was stronger than my love for you." 

I guess I buy that, to a degree.


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