# For those going through....



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

rough times...I think this may help all, it did me :O)

Closure is a HUGE issue.

We all want something to end “completely.”

We all want answers, to understand.

We often hang around in a relationship, doing damage to ourselves, because we’re looking for that moment when it “all get’s clear.” When we finally say what we mean and what we feel and finally feel HEARD by him. When we feel a chapter has closed.

Only, it hardly ever happens that way.

We can end up spending so much of our lives waiting for, looking for, praying for, listening for, asking for, demanding, envisioning, thinking about, writing about…Closure…that never happens.

And – here’s the question to ask – Is Closure necessary? Is it really all that important?

And – I say NO. We most often will never get “closure,” and perhaps that’s a VERY GOOD THING.

Perhaps that’s the way we learn to be softer, more fluid and flexible. To roll with the “punches” …and to “Be Surprised.”

Perhaps this is where we finally learn to give up control.

Here’s a comment from Linda:

“Rori, I read a long time ago if you are angry with someone then it needs to be dealt with with that person so we don’t make innocent people in our lives victims of someone else’s crime against us. I think that issues that create the most frustration is when it can’t be resolved correctly and redistributed. I don’t mind feeling angry but it is getting out from under it that has been issue. Often I feel like I just have to swallow and live with it because well it is easier. Boy that is a bad way to live.

I have been angry for quite a while but have no place to release it. I used to turn it on myself but I have gotten past that now. I am so angry that I was betrayed and abandoned. I am angry with the situation that I find myself in now. I want to give it to its source but they are no longer in my life. There is no contact. There is no chance to talk thru it or deal with it. Again I have had to swallow it try to sort it and make it not matter but it still DOES!.. The issue is just there, I bump into it all the time and it usually takes on the form of the lower energy “sadness” but I think that is because there is no closure. Healing doesn’t come and is only replaced with dealing with it only. A overwhelming frustration lingers because of what he did to us.”

Here’s my answer:

You do NOT need closure. There is no such thing as closure. Forget “closure.” Just forget about it.

And – you do NOT need someone to work out your anger with. You can do it by yourself, on your own, talking to the mirror, journaling, drawing, jumping up and down and shouting.

Anger is energy – and energy is TRANSFORMABLE. Cleaning merely distracted you – but it also was Channelling,[...]

Anger is a vigorous response to a more helpless feeling like disappointment and fear. The answer is to sink down into the fear and sadness and grief, and USE the energy of the Anger to move you forward.

Every single moment of life you are being Triggered. Use those moments to heal. Don’t look for specific people to help unburden you. Work it out where you are in this moment.

So – there we are. Don’t NEED to close anything. Leave all doors be, let air move through, around, against, up and down all the open and half-closed and slightly ajar and slammed shut doors of our lives, until the doors finally disappear on their own, from misuse. Let the cobwebs gather around the old patterns, let the old pain drift away, let things crumble as they will.

No closure – just movement. Moving forward, onward to Happy Ever After.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

For me, "closure" came when I woke up one morning after we had seperated and realized that I like waking up without her beside me.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Your post is very timely. I'm dealing with these same questions myself. No closure, uh? Maybe you're right. I so badly want an END. Could it be that I don't need it. Thanks for posting this.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Sam, 

Are your little ones asking for you to go back home?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Lifescript said:


> Sam,
> 
> Are your little ones asking for you to go back home?


Life, That fortunately I do not have to deal with. At least not in the sense that I think you are asking. Do they want me home? Yes, but mainly because I was able to temper things overall. They recognize that I was, contrary to what my stbxw thought, a stabilizing force. I see them almost every day, they are with me on the weekends, and I talk to them multiple times per day during the week, so from a physical proximity stand point, no, they are doing alright, and accept things as they are.

I just can't imagine going through what some of you are going through though.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Glad to hear that Sam. My son is adjusting well. It's just sad when he says he wants me home. 

:-(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Lifescript said:


> Glad to hear that Sam. My son is adjusting well. It's just sad when he says he wants me home.
> 
> :-(
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That has got to just tear you up inside, especially when you really can't explain the real reason why you are away...


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## MilitaryWifeAK (Jun 25, 2012)

I had to giggle when I read this post! I've been separated for 16 months and am starting to feel the same way. Ironic, isn't it?


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