# I just need help! Please!



## maybme (Jan 21, 2010)

I just need a little boost from someone to help me move on!....After 18 years my husband and I had a litle spat. The whole time we have been married he never trusted me. No matter what I said or did. I have never cheated on my husband I know it would kill him. I have always truted him. He always worried about where i was and what i was doing. I never worried about that with him. People always tell us how great we are together and I do know it. He worships the ground i walk on (so everyone says and sees it and so do I) and he asked me why Im never happy sometimes. One day I told him I don't know (and i did know)..I had childhood issues that kept me from giving him all i could. I never told him. One day i got so mad at him that i said.. It's not you It's me i guess i just dont love you I know it's not you you are a good husband It's me..I said this to him cause i thought he would be better off being happy with someone else. I was thinking of him. Well we still stayed together kissed goodby when he went to work hugged here and there. Well one day i left an a small 3 day vacation I left and didnt say much to him I was so lost thinking about what we needed to do. While i was stressing over us he was talking to some girl. While i was gone he had a friend online talk to him. Told him to think of himself and what he needed and asked him what was wrong. Well they talked so much he started to fall for her. When i came back I knew something was wrong. I asked him about 5 days later. What we should do. Well we had decided that we may have to do something. He started talking different and i knew i asked him is there something going on he would spend hours on the PC. He did tell me about her. I was angry i told him fine if thats what we wants but he didnt wait for me to come home and make sure this is what we wanted . I was off trying to think on my own what we can do to fix this and he was sitting here picking up on someone else. She told him to work on his marriage but if not then she would meet him one day if he wanted she wanted. She gave him hope that they would be some one to fall back on if we split up!.( what friend does that to a married friend) I told him it was ok just go to her its what you want. He said well i cant make it better for you. I told him It wasnt his fault it was me i wanted him to go happy ..then he didnt believe me so i told him about my problems. Not to keep him but so he would know its not his fault. Then he told me he hadn't gave up on us and wanted to fix it. He was drinking and didnt know what happen he was down. He said he was sorry and was crying saying he didnt want her wanted me its what he has always wanted . But i told him he wasnt drunk all week when he was still talking to her when i came home and didnt try then to fix it. He feels bad and says that he loves me and always wanted only me. He was lost. So then he told her about it and told her he was going to fix our marriage and she said its good im glad for you guys ( i was sitting there when he told her) she even stopped texting his cell when he told her on it that he hasnt been online cause he has been spending time with his family and wife...He said he fell for the attention she was giving him and the things she was saying cause he was down. He then gave up the computer completely to show me that he was sorry and didnt want her. Spending time with me. And i have been giving him the attention now he needs . Now that i feel better telling him about my childhood problems i feel better with him and love him. Thing is i cant let go of what he did i am trying so hard but it hurts that he says he loves me so much for years and one chance he gets does that with someone else. If he loved me that much he would have talked to me waited for me to come home. Been a man and refrain from that. I cant forget i know it will be a while but i just cant. He wanted to stay friends with her cause she did talk to him about fixing things but then she offered herself to him and i dont think its right they talk any more...better for all of us and he hasnt for over 2 1/2 months. I got him back on the computer finaly told him to have fun like he used to before all that happen. Now he even logs in invisable so she wont see him. I can see that he is trying to make it up to me but I still cant stop. I want to forgive but I cant forget! please help me. I dont want to ruin a good thing we have 3 kids and i feel like i want to let him go cause of what he did. But i know its not right he is trying so hard. Need help in my heart!


----------



## Alexandra (Jan 9, 2010)

I feel for you, I really do. But it almost seems like you aren't taking much responsibility for your part of "what he did." I mean, you basically pushed him away didn't you? I'm sorry to be harsh, but I only say this to open your eyes a little.

Yes, he made a BAD decision, talking to her and allowing himself to give it to her tugging. But again, you were all but pushing him there. Telling him to go! Then when he does, you feel betrayed. I'd be pretty confused if I were him.

I'm NOT trying to blame you. He's a big boy, he should have known to stay away. But it sure seems like he is doing all he can now to do that and make it up to you. Can you forgive him? You seem to want to. It will take some time, sure. Can you forgive YOURSELF for your part? That seems a bigger question.


----------



## maybme (Jan 21, 2010)

Yes, and thank you I do understand what i did wrong. Even after all them years of not trusting me and always accusing me of doing worng i never gave up. Even durring this when i didnt know what to do and was pushing him away he did give up. I was the one that thought i didnt lovew him and i still never gave up. Im ok with letting him go. When i told him all that it wasnt to keep him. I was angry cause he didnt have the decency to wait till i cam ehome...all this time i didnt give up till we were sure. All im saying is yes it hurts but we were not even seperated yet or decided to and he gave up. He still doesnt trust me today yet im trying with him to fix it I still havent given up. Thats why it hurts so much. I have thought about "what i did" but i knew i had an issue to address to him. Im glad i did i myself feel better inside. Thanks again ..maybe im looking at this situation wrong but I cant help it.


----------



## Alexandra (Jan 9, 2010)

Oh, I totally hear you. I'm not sure you're looking at it wrong per say, it's just that it may help you to understand what he did by putting yourself in his shoes.

Did he know you hadn't given up? Is it possible that to him, it truly looked like you did? Do you guys communicate well with each other or could there have been a misunderstanding?

It's always good to address issues, with ourselves and with each other. I'm glad that you feel better inside too


----------

