# Separation, need advice



## BryanV (Apr 25, 2013)

So I really have no other place to turn so I hope I can get help here. Recently separated from a 7 year marriage. There was no abuse my wife just has no emotional attachment. She had a child young (15 from another guy) and we married at 21. Her reasoning is she wants to be able to make decisions without my discretion. We have 2 kids but her work schedule can vary daily since she is not allowed to leave until the work is done and also school. This could mean 2am on some nights. The only place I can watch the girls are at our old place (I am currently searching for my own dwelling) and it would mean I have to see her daily. So would seeing her daily help with the process? Should I tell her she needs a job that can accommodate the current situation? I do want her back but it seems that she only wants me when its convenient for her.


----------



## FindingMyself (Apr 25, 2013)

My marriage counselor says daily contact does not really help with a separation process because then you're not really getting space to work on issues. I guess it all depends on why you're separating. If it's a trial for divorce, that's one thing, but if you're trying to work things out and need some time, space, and clarity, you need conditions that can make that work.


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

"She wants to be able to make decisions without my discretion."

But she wants her husband when its convenient. You need to teach her that she can't have it both ways.

Pull the plug on the support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BryanV said:


> So I really have no other place to turn so I hope I can get help here. Recently separated from a 7 year marriage. There was no abuse my wife just has no emotional attachment. She had a child young (15 from another guy) and we married at 21. Her reasoning is she wants to be able to make decisions without my discretion. We have 2 kids but her work schedule can vary daily since she is not allowed to leave until the work is done and also school. This could mean 2am on some nights. The only place I can watch the girls are at our old place (I am currently searching for my own dwelling) and it would mean I have to see her daily. So would seeing her daily help with the process? Should I tell her she needs a job that can accommodate the current situation? I do want her back but it seems that she only wants me when its convenient for her.


Sounds like you've been at her beck and call the entire time.

Do you think she respects you?


----------



## BryanV (Apr 25, 2013)

I believe she still respected me. Any time she wanted to go out with her friends she would ask me if it was OK. She didn't lie to me about it. 
Her reason for the separation was because she wants to be alone. But I feel that if that's the case then things need to change so that I don't see her everyday.
We talked last night before I stayed in a motel and she was just unsure about what she wants. She wants space which I am trying to provide. But I don't think I can if I see her everyday.


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

BryanV said:


> Her reason for the separation was because she wants to be alone.


Alone to do what?

... And, if she wants to be alone why are you the one thats staying at a Motel.

That doesn't seem respectful.


----------



## BryanV (Apr 25, 2013)

ReGroup said:


> Alone to do what?
> 
> ... And, if she wants to be alone why are you the one thats staying at a Motel.
> 
> That doesn't seem respectful.


For the kids. 

It sounds like I am defending her decisions now. I am so lost. What would be the best course of action? Should I have her move to her mom's and maybe she can figure it out there?


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BryanV said:


> For the kids.
> 
> It sounds like I am defending her decisions now. I am so lost. What would be the best course of action? Should I have her move to her mom's and maybe she can figure it out there?


The best course of action would be to find out the identity of posOM.


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Conrad said:


> The best course of action would be to find out the identity of posOM.


And move back in the house. No "if" or "buts" about it.


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Conrad said:


> The best course of action would be to find out the identity of posOM.


I believe that you should investigate this possibility

Do some reading in the CWI section and you'll find a few stories that involve a spouse meeting someone through school or business training

Not sayin this is the case here but you should check. Do you have access to her cell phone billing on line? If so, look for alot of texts/calls to one or two numbers

Also, if it's her idea to seperate the marriage, she's the one who should be out of the marital home, not you


----------



## BryanV (Apr 25, 2013)

After hitting the gym and clearing my head. I agree. I will be moving out of the House. I will raise my children on my own if I have to. I am not sure what posOM is and google is no help but I appreciate the support and advice. I am not the one who wants to be alone. I want to be with my kids.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BryanV said:


> After hitting the gym and clearing my head. I agree. I will be moving out of the House. I will raise my children on my own if I have to. I am not sure what posOM is and google is no help but I appreciate the support and advice. I am not the one who wants to be alone. I want to be with my kids.


posOM = piece of shix Other Man

Do you have access to her Facebook, email, IM, text, cell phone records?

Place voice-activated recorders under her car seat and in other locations where she would expect privacy.

You'll know within 24-72 hours.


----------



## BryanV (Apr 25, 2013)

Conrad said:


> posOM = piece of shix Other Man
> 
> Do you have access to her Facebook, email, IM, text, cell phone records?
> 
> ...


To be honest I don't even care anymore. The night I spent without my children was the worst. I would rather be a single father than not have them in my life. So I have already talked to her and said she needs to leave. I am not leaving the kids, I will figure out how to raise them without her.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BryanV said:


> To be honest I don't even care anymore. The night I spent without my children was the worst. I would rather be a single father than not have them in my life. So I have already talked to her and said she needs to leave. I am not leaving the kids, I will figure out how to raise them without her.


This would be a good chance to learn how to keep this from happening in future relationships.

But, that's your choice - not mine.


----------

