# What to look for in a lawyer



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Hey guys, I'm getting my ducks in a row, and starting to look into separation. My family lawyer is really awful about getting back to me on things, and always has been. She did our prenup, but I've been told that I can go with a different lawyer to get things settled. So, my question is this: what should I be looking for in a lawyer?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*One whom you can implicitly and honestly communicate with, who will let you call the shots and advise you on all aspects of the entire process of divorce!

And one who will not arbitrarily take matters into their own hands!*


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I would suggest also finding someone who, while empathetic, will be all business and will be straight and brutally honest with you. Some people lean on their lawyers to talk about EVERYTHING, and they waste their time and the lawyer's time, AND they get billed for it. You want someone who is efficient and gets to the point, and will flat out tell you if there's something you want that is legally impossible or whatever.

And they should have a good paralegal that you can talk to about your case for the small stuff, since talking to the paralegal will cost you less $$$/hr than talking to the lawyer, but a good paralegal is GOOD.

You don't need to seek out a shark, unless you think your STBXH will get one. I would choose someone who can be a shark if they need to be, but for whom that isn't their default setting.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

That big pointy fin on his/her back.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Ursula said:


> Hey guys, I'm getting my ducks in a row, and starting to look into separation. My family lawyer is really awful about getting back to me on things, and always has been. She did our prenup, but I've been told that I can go with a different lawyer to get things settled. So, my question is this: what should I be looking for in a lawyer?


Some of your friends must have had divorces,ask them would they recommend the lawyer they used.Try and find out what sort of settlement they got and what the lawyer charged them.If I can offer you one piece of advice it is this,always use the best lawyer you can afford and not just for divorce,and if you feel your husband will try to mess you about then by all means hire a shark.Remember you do not have to like your lawyer so don't go looking for a friend or a sympathetic shoulder to cry on.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

When I was looking for one I just asked a friend who was a lawyer (but didn't do family law) who he'd recommend. It took him over a week to give me his recommendation, but it was a good one. Usually people in the field can find out who is good and who to stay away from.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Awesome, thanks for your thoughts, guys! I've gotten a recommendation from an old colleague who spoke highly of her divorce lawyer. I'm thinking trial separation for now, and see how things go, but ideally, I'd like us both to find someone much more suited to one another.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

One thing,do not use a family lawyer for a divorce,make sure you use a divorce specialist.He will know the judges in your area and know what to push and what to pull back on.Ask them up front how many divorces they have handled and what percentage of divorce cases have they settled without reaching court.Find out who will actually be working on your case,paralegals etc and can you open up to them.Find out about their retainer and how often you will get an accounting of it,once a month at least I would recommend.
Finally do not get a lawyer who seems to agree with everything you say.Any lawyer worth having is going to pick holes in your case and you may feel he is not on your side by times, but he is doing his job properly because your husbands lawyer will be looking for holes in your case anyway.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Bananapeel said:


> When I was looking for one I just asked a friend who was a lawyer (but didn't do family law) who he'd recommend. It took him over a week to give me his recommendation, but it was a good one. Usually people in the field can find out who is good and who to stay away from.


That week meant he was giving it serious thought and wanted to give you the best recommendation. That's a good friend.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Are you and your partner on equal ground with respect to divorce? Or is this something that he will fight? If you are both agreeable and can talk about things, why not just settle amiably and save the cost of an attorney? May not be possible.

Granted, if you all will be at odds, make sure you are represented. I'm with the straight up attorney that will not waste to much of your time (as you are paying for it). I would also recommend looking for a litigator not a mediator to represent you. You have a prenup, so I expect there must be some considerable assets and I would much rather have a bulldog than minnow protecting me.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

If he/she drives anything less than a BMW G-6 Hurricane look elsewhere. 

Research your local offerings. I'm sure there are reviews of firms that will help you decide.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Some lawyers try to get you to think that they can handle anything when that's not the case. I would stay away from local, in town, lawyers. I would go with one well versed in divorce and martial law. The local lawyer will not necessarily know everything about separations and divorce. Each lawyer, just like doctors, have a specialty. Go to one that specializes in what you need them for.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

C3156 said:


> Are you and your partner on equal ground with respect to divorce? Or is this something that he will fight? If you are both agreeable and can talk about things, why not just settle amiably and save the cost of an attorney? May not be possible.
> 
> Granted, if you all will be at odds, make sure you are represented. I'm with the straight up attorney that will not waste to much of your time (as you are paying for it). I would also recommend looking for a litigator not a mediator to represent you. You have a prenup, so I expect there must be some considerable assets and I would much rather have a bulldog than minnow protecting me.


I agree with the above. An annulment is such a better option if a couple can put emotions aside and work thru issues fairly. My paper work was $275 dollars, and it included legal separation paper work. That's how we ended a 20 year marriage, two kids, two businesses, lots of assets. I got the paperwork from the local court house, revised sections as needed, filed the papers, spent 20 minutes with the magistrate and ten minutes with the judge. Less than three months and $275, and no lawyers got to take a vacation on my money. 

Also as crazy as this seems I got a lot of valid information from a legal advise forum. Laws are pretty clear on what rights divorcing parties have, and the necessary steps to insure those rights. Lawyers make all their money when people start arguing about who gets the pots & pans or what holidays the kids go where. 

At the very least educate yourself as much as possible. Go to the courthouse and get the separation/annulment package (I think it was free), sign up on one of the legal forums and ask questions. Use all the free resources you can to minimize or eliminate attorney fees.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

C3156 said:


> Are you and your partner on equal ground with respect to divorce? Or is this something that he will fight? If you are both agreeable and can talk about things, why not just settle amiably and save the cost of an attorney? May not be possible.
> 
> Granted, if you all will be at odds, make sure you are represented. I'm with the straight up attorney that will not waste to much of your time (as you are paying for it). I would also recommend looking for a litigator not a mediator to represent you. You have a prenup, so I expect there must be some considerable assets and I would much rather have a bulldog than minnow protecting me.


Hey there,

I totally missed this post. I would like to think that we're on equal ground, and that we would do things fairly. We've actually talked about how things might go should we not work out, and we've both agreed that we would be amicable; no resentment, no animosity. However, we also agreed on a lot of things pre-marriage that ended up not being the case. So really, who knows.

I would love to save the cost of a lawyer, but unfortunately, I think this is a better route to go, just in case. I think his Mom would try her best to get whatever she could out of me.

And you're right, there's a prenup because we weren't young pups going into it: I was 35; he was 43. There are things on both sides of this that we both wanted to protect. I think I've found a decent straightforward attorney who gets to the point quickly, which is a relief.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Can he support himself (or was there another reason he was living with his parents when you met him)? 

Many people agree in theory to an amicable divorce -- only to change their mind when it becomes reality. Be prepared.


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