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## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Sounds like run off the mill jealousy and perhaps inadequacy on his part.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Ask him what the problem is. No one else can possibly know.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

He's insecure. and wants to make sure you don't get too independent....That scares him and takes away his control/power over you...


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## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> He's insecure. and wants to make sure you don't get too independent....That scares him and takes away his control/power over you...


You’re absolutely right!


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So I read your other thread and now this one. Explain to me why exactly you are (still) with him?


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## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

manfromlamancha said:


> So I read your other thread and now this one. Explain to me why exactly you are (still) with him?


There’s so much it makes you feel as though YOU are the crazy one, maybe I am for still sticking around. I’m just tired and it feels like I’m trying to raise a child and don’t even have one. It’s very draining. I know counseling wouldn’t help. I can’t change or make anyone change their bad habits.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

My arm chair psychologist & crystal ball tell me he's threatened by your success. He probably thinks you don't need him or fears that you may leave him for a fancy banker.


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## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

D0nnivain said:


> My arm chair psychologist & crystal ball tell me he's threatened by your success. He probably thinks you don't need him or fears that you may leave him for a fancy banker.


I don’t want to make him feel like that but you’re right. I’m not looking or wanting to have any relationship but with my spouse. He’s just mad annoying with his behavior and I won’t it to stop.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

If your goal is to make it stop, what are you willing to do to give him more credit for your success & make him believe that you could not have done it without him? Of course you could have but you need to make him feel included.


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## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

D0nnivain said:


> If your goal is to make it stop, what are you willing to do to give him more credit for your success & make him believe that you could not have done it without him? Of course you could have but you need to make him feel included.


It’s just more to the story. With the job change and due to Covid. I am force to work remote from home like everyone else. He blames me for that! Covid that is, something that isn’t in any of our control. He feels as if I shouldn’t bring work home and that’s been effecting him to have his free space. I’m setup in the bedroom which he hardly sleeps in anyways and he has the whole entire downstairs to himself. He would say, “I wished you would have stayed at your last job.” After knowing how I was feeling about working as a teller.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

libragal said:


> It’s just more to the story. With the job change and due to Covid. I am force to work remote from home like everyone else. He blames me for that! Covid that is, something that isn’t in any of our control. He feels as if I shouldn’t bring work home and that’s been effecting him to have his free space. I’m setup in the bedroom which he hardly sleeps in anyways and he has the whole entire downstairs to himself. He would say, “I wished you would have stayed at your last job.” After knowing how I was feeling about working as a teller.


Well the way you are painting the situation it seems to me that you are getting what you want from this relationship. Why I say that? because any sane normal person that gets into a relationship with somebody that eventually turns up to a a winny, insecure, inconsiderate, and controlling individual would have packed already. Please, don't tell that it's because you love him, because what love got to do with anything wrong in this relationship? ask yourself that.

Most likely, his passive/aggressiveness as time goes on will make you a disgruntled, unhappy person, and before you know it you had lost all respect for him. You two are in serious need of counselling. If you just keep accepting this status quo, all it will happens is that eventually when you are a lot more older, and fed up, you'll dump him and realized that you just wasted your youth on an asshole.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

What do you want? Maybe you’re Incompatible. If so fix that or stay unhappy. You’re young. Why waste life?


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## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Well the way you are painting the situation it seems to me that you are getting what you want from this relationship. Why I say that? because any sane normal person that gets into a relationship with somebody that eventually turns up to a a winny, insecure, inconsiderate, and controlling individual would have packed already. Please, don't tell that it's because you love him, because what love got to do with anything wrong in this relationship? ask yourself that.
> 
> Most likely, his passive/aggressiveness as time goes on will make you a disgruntled, unhappy person, and before you know it you had lost all respect for him. You two are in serious need of counselling. If you just keep accepting this status quo, all it will happens is that eventually when you are a lot more older, and fed up, you'll dump him and realized that you just wasted your youth on an asshole.


We definitely need counseling ASAP!


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## TomNebraska (Jun 14, 2016)

D0nnivain said:


> If your goal is to make it stop, what are you willing to do to give him more credit for your success & make him believe that you could not have done it without him? Of course you could have but you need to make him feel included.


that's not going to make it stop. that's going to make it worse.

Assuming she hasn't already, she needs to have a firm conversation with him telling him to knock it off.

They don't have kids; her career changes don't affect him negatively in any way. he's not being asked to move or change jobs himself, and, she's making more money each time. He needs to man up and stop being an insecure baby.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

libragal said:


> We definitely need counseling ASAP!


More than that. I was just reading your other thread and based on that information I can see that you need individual therapy because I can discern now that you're enabling him. What do you expect? he can do and gets away with any type of financial/emotional shenanigans. He must be using you and you are letting him. Find out why you are so weak that allows that type of behavior to be dished upon you. Are you passive, a pushover? remember passiveness leads to abuse upon oneself by others.


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## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

TomNebraska said:


> that's not going to make it stop. that's going to make it worse.
> 
> Assuming she hasn't already, she needs to have a firm conversation with him telling him to knock it off.
> 
> They don't have kids; her career changes don't affect him negatively in any way. he's not being asked to move or change jobs himself, and, she's making more money each time. He needs to man up and stop being an insecure baby.


You’re correct on this one. My job changes does not affect him in anyway! I don’t ask him for more money or anything. I just allot 1/2 of shared bills to my account from his check. I use my personal funds on household items and groceries. We all know how expensive that can get. 

At the end of the day, I’m trying to figure out what’s his deal about me wanting to better myself in a job. If he wants to change position for the better, I will be all for it and supporting. No doubt!


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You really have to go back to all these changes you are making for the better make him feel like he's being left behind. he's lashing out & behaving this way because he's scared. Unless you address his concerns -- no matter how irrational -- this won't get resolved You can't fix this by yelling him or telling him to buck up & be a man.


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## libragal (Mar 28, 2021)

D0nnivain said:


> You really have to go back to all these changes you are making for the better make him feel like he's being left behind. he's lashing out & behaving this way because he's scared. Unless you address his concerns -- no matter how irrational -- this won't get resolved You can't fix this by yelling him or telling him to buck up & be a man.


I don’t see the reason of having to be scared. I always think things out, tell him my thought process and try to get his feedback or input. When I think we are on one page, later he acts out or start the complaining process. It’s very unnecessary.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Feelings aren't logical. I agree with you that there is no reason to be scared but he's still worried that all your positive changes are leaving him in the dust. It's in part fear & in part jealousy. 

How would you feel if you were the same old you but all these new & exciting things were happening for him? [yes, I know you are such a hard working person that you would make positive changes but he's not you] Now add in the whole antiquated gender stereotypes & he feels emasculated. 

All I'm saying is try to see it from his perspective if you want to save your marriage. If you are well & truly done, which is valid, be done. Walk away & enjoy your new life.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Only thing I can think of is if there's a salary difference between the two of you, and your upward movement is bridging the gap, or leading to where you'll eventually overtake him. It bothers some dudes. Not sure why.

I keep sending my wife back to school for more degrees. I need that woman to earn more than me so I can retire and she can keep working. 😜


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