# Ethical splitting of house



## Pat (Dec 31, 2011)

I will not post my gender for the sake of not biasing anyone when answering my question.

I am in a heterosexual relationship and I moved in with my partner three and a half years ago. We are not currently married but plan on getting married in the next year or year and a half. I first met my partner four and a half years ago and at that time my partner was undergoing a divorce. My partner was living in the house that was completely paid for (no mortgage) and my partner's ex partner had moved out about a year before I met my partner.

When the divorce was settled my partner had to pay his/her ex partner a sum of money that was approximately 25% of the value of the house. I offered to take out a credit line in my name and to pay off my partner's ex partner. My partner's parents got involved and they insisted that I not take out a credit line in my name so my partner got a credit line in his/her name and that's how the ex partner was paid off. My partner however could not afford to make the monthly payments on the credit line so when I moved in with my partner (in the house being discussed) I started making 100% of the payments on the credit line. My partner never made any payments into the credit line. That was three and a half years ago and I've been making all the payments since then.

Recently my partner's mother insisted that I sign a cohabitation agreement. I insisted that in this agreement I be given 25% of the house minus whatever is still owing on the credit line. So for example, if I split from my partner in five years and if at that point I owe $100,000 on the mortgage then I would ask for 25% of the market value of the house at that point minus $100,000. I explained that this is becasue I've been making all the mortgage payments and will continute to do so until the mortgage is completely paid off. My partner's family don't agree with this. They feel that even when I finish paying off the mortgage I should be entitled to none of the house. My partner however agrees with me that I am fairly entitled to what I ask.

So what do you think? Who's point of view do you agree with? Mine or my partner's family?

Thanks for any advice.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Unless you get married, or live in a common-law state, it may not matter what you want. 

Two questions tho....
1. Why is the partner's mother sooooooooooooooo involved?
2. Why isn't the partner contributing?


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## Pat (Dec 31, 2011)

I live in British Columbia Canada and a common law relationship is treated the same as a marriage. My patner is not contributing becasue he/she cannot afford to. The mother is geting so involved becasue that's just the way she is. There is no other reason.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Pat said:


> I live in British Columbia Canada and a common law relationship is treated the same as a marriage. My patner is not contributing becasue he/she cannot afford to. The mother is geting so involved becasue that's just the way she is. There is no other reason.


I think your suggestion is fair. If your partner agrees with you, can you both tell mama to take a flying fart? I would be a little concerned that she will be a burr in your butt forever!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Now would be a great time to show your partner's family that you two can act as a TEAM. This is soooooooooooo important in a relationship, and this is an important circumstance to do this for!!!!


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## Pat (Dec 31, 2011)

So do you agree with me then?


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

It was hard to follow with all the anonymity provisions.

Looking at the money, I get that since you are paying the note reflecting the 25% interest in the home, you want to be treated as if you own that same 25% yourself. Hmm...

I get that your partner could not make it without you. But, consider that your partner does own the 75% that makes it possible to even be there. Could you get into as good a situation for the same money? If you were not there you would have to pay (rent, minimum utility fees, TV service, etc.) to live somewhere.

Relationshipwise, if I was in a co-hab relationship I would expect my partner to support the household in some manner. It could be through paying some joint expenses, doing work around the house, etc. since no one gets to live for free. And, yes, if I was struggling financially I would expect help if my partner had it, simply because that's what partners do.

Bottom line: unless you could rent your own place for the same money as you are paying or are enduring inconvenience to live there (like your commute to work is a lot longer) you should let it go.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

golfergirl said:


> I think your suggestion is fair. If your partner agrees with you, can you both tell mama to take a flying fart? I would be a little concerned that she will be a burr in your butt forever!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This. So long as you and your partner agree. The mom needs to butt out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i think you are fully entitled to the 25%.
plus you are still making the regular mortgage payments too?
that should actually up your share of the investment to more than the 25% depending on how long you are doing this.
with out you paying both payments, said partner would lose 100% of the house.
and both should tell mother to eff-off and mind her own business.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

I agree with you. I would politely tell your partner's mother to butt out. 

Other question, though - Why isn't your partner looking at getting a better job to make more money so he/she can contribute? A non-contributing partner would concern me!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Since your situation seems to fall under common-law marriage, why not see an attorney and see what your right are?

It does not matter what MIL says. It matters what the law says.

Just politely change the subject when MIL wants to discuss this.

And do not ever, ever, agree to take out a loan on a debt and property that you do not have any legal ownership in. Good thing that MIL fougth you on that one.


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