# "Reconciliation" because of money issues



## Wowqueen

I've posted here before about my SO wanting a divorce. 
I moved out to an apartment 2 months ago. I filed for divorce under adultery and court was suppose to be last week. My SO requested a continuance to "try and see if we could fix things". 
He kept talking about money and how he pays X amount by himself compared to if I was there and everything was split. I kept saying we aren't working things out just because it's convenient for him to have me move back in. 
Well, I also have some debt and my husband wasn't aware of how severe. I have a shopping problem. 
Well, now he is using that as an excuse for me to move back with him and him take care if all our finances. He is really good at numbers money etc. 
But what hurts the most is this statement from him " I told you I'm not sure if I can forgive you. But at least I fix other things while I see if I can.
I don't know if I do or don't right now. But I do know this is a huge issue that needs to be resolved." 
What he means by forgiveness is because I was fighting for full custody of our daughter and a mistake I made in 2013 that he thinks I cheated. Which I didn't. He has issues forgiving people. 
But anyway, is it a smart idea to move back in het our financial stuff situated and hope that we can work through all other aspects of our marriage. It wasn't so bad before his affair, we did have some communication issues obviously about money. But we got along and things were good.. 
I guess I'm confused and don't want to be used because it's a convenience...

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## jld

I would not do it.

Keep going with the divorce and address your shopping/spending issues.


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## knight185

Forgiveness is about one's own decision to let go of bitterness and it not excusing the wrong of another person. If he can't let it go and move on, he will forever hang it over your head. I have that issue with my own wife who cheated. We both fell short and sinned but I consider her sin worst than mine but all is equal at the end of the day. We are getting divorced and she told me that doesn't want me to hang the adultery over her head and constantly bring up trust issues. For one, we are splitting up so there will never be any more relationship other than co-parenting (which I have full trust of her with) and second, if I hold onto things I will just be a miserable person. It is best to get away from someone who can't let go of toxic emotions. My toxic emotions drove my wife away. She decided have affairs instead of leaving first and then finding another person


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## EleGirl

When a person hangs on to things and not 'forgive' or let go, there is a reason for this. He is getting something out of it. Most likely it makes him feel that it give him power over you. After all, all he has to do is to bring up your 'sins' and his anger to get his way, to punish you, etc. 


That said, even in the best situation, it takes time for a person to work through the pain and anger. It can take months, even a year or two. But at sometime they have to let go of it.


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## EleGirl

What happened in 2013 that lead him to think that you cheated.

My bet is that he is asking for you to move back in because he feels that he is getting the short end of the divorce, custody, etc. So this is a way for him to set things back to zero. Then when you two file for divorce again, he will be able to do things differently.

You two do not need to be living together to fix things like your finances. That is just an excuse.


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## Andy1001

Wowqueen said:


> I've posted here before about my SO wanting a divorce.
> I moved out to an apartment 2 months ago. I filed for divorce under adultery and court was suppose to be last week. My SO requested a continuance to "try and see if we could fix things".
> He kept talking about money and how he pays X amount by himself compared to if I was there and everything was split. I kept saying we aren't working things out just because it's convenient for him to have me move back in.
> Well, I also have some debt and my husband wasn't aware of how severe. I have a shopping problem.
> Well, now he is using that as an excuse for me to move back with him and him take care if all our finances. He is really good at numbers money etc.
> But what hurts the most is this statement from him " I told you I'm not sure if I can forgive you. But at least I fix other things while I see if I can.
> I don't know if I do or don't right now. But I do know this is a huge issue that needs to be resolved."
> What he means by forgiveness is because I was fighting for full custody of our daughter and a mistake I made in 2013 that he thinks I cheated. Which I didn't. He has issues forgiving people.
> But anyway, is it a smart idea to move back in het our financial stuff situated and hope that we can work through all other aspects of our marriage. It wasn't so bad before his affair, we did have some communication issues obviously about money. But we got along and things were good..
> I guess I'm confused and don't want to be used because it's a convenience...
> 
> Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


This is the guy that tried to throw you out of your house and actually let his friend move in along with his wife and kids when you did leave.He tried to stop you collecting your daughter as planned,wanted you to sign a post nup agreement and all the time that he was having an affair.
You think it's a good idea to move back in with him.
Are you nuts!


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## EleGirl

Andy1001 said:


> This is the guy that tried to throw you out of your house and actually let his friend move in along with his wife and kids when you did leave.He tried to stop you collecting your daughter as planned,wanted you to sign a post nup agreement and all the time that he was having an affair.
> You think it's a good idea to move back in with him.
> 
> Are you nuts!


Oh THAT guy? I did not go back and read your previous thread. This is why it's good to keep one thread.

Geez, Wowqueen, why on earth would you even consider going back with him? That makes no sense at all.


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