# Still living in same house



## trish79 (May 25, 2012)

I'll give you the short version. I Have recently found out about husbahds cheating. Not the first time, so this is it for me. He's aware of my feelings, but because financially we cannot get him moved out of the house, I'm not sure if he REALLY gets it. We have been maintaining for about a month now since I found out and we've spent the last month talking about some logistics. He's supposed to be going to therapy for some things, but has only gone to one appointment and has not done any of the work the therapist assigned.
We get along well as friends, but the feelings are not there. I'm still pretty angry about it all but can get by most days and function. I have my bad days and my good. He's supportive during both. The basis of our relationship has always been friendship, so I don't when the split happens it will go bad.
I have a feeling that when he finally does get a job and we really work out where he's moving, etc, that it will be too hard for him to go. Emotionally, I'm okay with him going. I don't see us reconciling to an actual marriage after whats happened. But I also know how adamant he is about wanting to stay with me. I don't want him to be any more confused about that fact.
Due to him not working for 6 mos and our 3 kids, 14, 8 and 3 - I've just not pushed harder on him leaving b/c he really has no where to go or any means to do it.
Has anyone had to go through this? What did you do? I appreciate any feedback!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And what are you going to do post-divorce, if he loses his job? Let him move back in?

One of the whole points of separating/divorcing is to no longer be responsible for the other person anymore. That doesn't mean you have to be a witch now, but it's obviously in his best interests to remain unemployed and supported by you, based on what you've said. 

Just my rambling $0.02...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

What you do is decide what it is you want and then move in that direction. Your husband's lack of employment is not a factor in you splitting up. Neither is the fact that he has no where to go. That is not your problem anymore. He chose to cheat now he deals with the consequences of his actions. Now that your marriage is done, you turn your attention to the legal aspects of getting divorced. That is where you sit down with an attorney and figure out what is a fair settlement. All the while, you work on yourself and get to the final decree which is the finish line. Given that you have kids and he is not working will make the legalities tough but that is what a lawyer is for. Best of luck here.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

And here I am listening to my STBXH tell me he can't afford an apartment on his own. And he can't take a dog, and he needs to store his stuff at my house. yada, yada, yada.

I don't give a damn anymore. He made the choice to end this marriage (which I now want to end too), he made the choice to cheat, lie, treat me like a stranger, etc.

Welcome to divorce. His problems are not yours any more. Its not pretty but its reality.


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## kllyfy (Dec 29, 2010)

trish79 said:


> I'll give you the short version. I Have recently found out about husbahds cheating. Not the first time, so this is it for me. He's aware of my feelings, but because financially we cannot get him moved out of the house, I'm not sure if he REALLY gets it. We have been maintaining for about a month now since I found out and we've spent the last month talking about some logistics. He's supposed to be going to therapy for some things, but has only gone to one appointment and has not done any of the work the therapist assigned.
> We get along well as friends, but the feelings are not there. I'm still pretty angry about it all but can get by most days and function. I have my bad days and my good. He's supportive during both. The basis of our relationship has always been friendship, so I don't when the split happens it will go bad.
> I have a feeling that when he finally does get a job and we really work out where he's moving, etc, that it will be too hard for him to go. Emotionally, I'm okay with him going. I don't see us reconciling to an actual marriage after whats happened. But I also know how adamant he is about wanting to stay with me. I don't want him to be any more confused about that fact.
> Due to him not working for 6 mos and our 3 kids, 14, 8 and 3 - I've just not pushed harder on him leaving b/c he really has no where to go or any means to do it.
> Has anyone had to go through this? What did you do? I appreciate any feedback!


Honestly what does your heart tell you to do? Do you really want to leave him? Are you willing to compromise with him if he's willing to change? Most of the time we do things out of anger, but end up later regretting our decisions. Do you really deep down want to divorce him? If so make sure you can be at peace with your decision. If you need any more advice I'm here to listen. P. M. me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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