# Getting unmarried?



## confusedfella (Jul 5, 2010)

I know this sounds weird but has anyone thought of the idea that after being married that divorice would be too extreme but that you feel your spouse doesn't deserve to be married to you. Divorce is usually the end of the relationship but maybe the relationship doesn't need to end it just wasn't marriage material?
I know this sounds crazy and I'm not saying this is how I feel 100%. After being married for 9 years I'm learned a vast amount of people do not view married people as unavailable. It's, she's married but maybe she's just unhappy enough that I have a chance. 
There have been small issues in our marriage that I have known for years and other issues that were just brought to my attention. These issues infuenced my wife to have a EA for 2 years with a married coworker and then for about a week things turned physical and almost had sex. She then confessed and we are now in counseling. What happened to the sanctity of marriage? Why get married if anyone who thinks they have a chance will try to wear them down.
Knowing what I know now, if my marriage ends in divorice I don't believe I would ever marry again.
Just food for thought. Just wanna hear what others think.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

I think the reason why married people get distracted, and become interested in other people ,is because they settle for less,in the 1st place, when they pick a spouse. we all think time is running out for us, and we have to hurry up and pick a life mate, before we get old, then 10 years down the line, we realize were stuck w/ people that dont really excite us much anymore.

It would be nice if we could just reverse the marriage status back to dating, but by the time we realize where unhappy, we have a house, kids, and pets with these people. I use to think cheating was a horrible sin, and if you have a spouse who makes an effort to tend to your needs, it is , but when your stuck with someone who doesnt seem to care much about you, it doesnt seem like such a bad thing to me anymore, to find comfort in the arms of another.


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## Alwaysconfused (Feb 18, 2010)

I would say to talk to your spouse about what makes you different and why you feel the way that you do. When I was married the pastor said that the way to a healthy marriage is to make sure you do the 5 C's:

- Communicate
- Consideration
- Courtship
- Compassion
- Committment

If you are doing these then everything will be fine. If your relationship is lacking any of the above then maybe work to solidify your 5 C's.


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## stalemate (May 13, 2010)

I often feel that my relationship wasn't marriage material. I wish that we had not crossed that bridge and just stayed friends. We make good friends...but that is all this is anymore. The thing is that I don't know how to end the marriage without ending the friendship too. We have even discussed it and although there haven't been affairs or abuse we are both concerned that bringing the legal divorce proceedings into the mix will screw up the friendship that is ongoing. 

All this makes it so hard to decide whether what we have together is enough or if it is time to cut my losses and get out so I will be available for a better life.


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