# Stuck in limbo



## stuckinlimbo (Oct 20, 2011)

I seem to be having a hard time getting out of limbo. This is a new username because my spouse knows the other one and may be reading here. My DDay was the beginning of June and another small one at the beginning of August. It was an EA with a couple kisses. I'm still not sure but I think I may be able to get past this, but I can't get it out of my head that it went further. If your meeting someone in the middle of the night a few times, in what world would it not go any further? 

If it did go further I'm quite sure it would be a dealbreaker for me and my WS knows this. So I'm stuck in limbo not knowing for sure what happened. If the affair is over would it be a good idea to contact the AP and see if the stories are the same? I'm sure it's no better than 50/50 that AP would even talk to me much less answer questions. If it's not a good idea I guess I'm left with accepting sex may have happened and I have to either R or let the marriage go, but it tears me up everyday so I don't think I could honestly R. I don't know, maybe I have my answer but it's not the one I ever wanted. Anyone have any thoughts please?


----------



## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Others here have recommended a lie detector test. If he's got nothing to hide, he should agree to it. If it comes out good, both of you can be happier. He should take the test for your sake.

I'm willing to bet that others here will recommend that you do not contact the AP.

I hope the best for you.


----------



## baldmale (Dec 29, 2010)

Schedule a polygraph test. A WS's reaction to just the idea of a polygraph is very telling in itself. Then follow through with it regardless of the "truth" that emerges just days before.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

stuckinlimbo said:


> I seem to be having a hard time getting out of limbo. This is a new username because my spouse knows the other one and may be reading here. My DDay was the beginning of June and another small one at the beginning of August. It was an EA with a couple kisses. I'm still not sure but I think I may be able to get past this, but I can't get it out of my head that it went further. If your meeting someone in the middle of the night a few times, in what world would it not go any further?
> 
> If it did go further I'm quite sure it would be a dealbreaker for me and my WS knows this. So I'm stuck in limbo not knowing for sure what happened. If the affair is over would it be a good idea to contact the AP and see if the stories are the same? I'm sure it's no better than 50/50 that AP would even talk to me much less answer questions. If it's not a good idea I guess *I'm left with accepting sex may have happened and I have to either R or let the marriage go,* but it tears me up everyday so I don't think I could honestly R. I don't know, maybe I have my answer but it's not the one I ever wanted. Anyone have any thoughts please?



This is your answer. Accept or don't. Limbo is self-imposed and you either want to stay there or leave. Make a decision.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

OH, and please don't contact the AP. It wouldn't help a thing.


----------



## stuckinlimbo (Oct 20, 2011)

I know I have to make my own decision, just having a hard time with it. I guess I'm down to not wanting the marriage to ever end but don't think I could carry on with it after this. Afraid to take the plunge I guess.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

stuckinlimbo said:


> I know I have to make my own decision, just having a hard time with it. I guess I'm down to not wanting the marriage to ever end but don't think I could carry on with it after this. Afraid to take the plunge I guess.



Fear keeps people from making sound decisions all the time. I weigh heavy decisions by asking, what's the *worst *that can happen?


----------



## stuckinlimbo (Oct 20, 2011)

Unhappy for life with either decision is the worst that can happen..LOL


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

stuckinlimbo said:


> Unhappy for life with either decision is the worst that can happen..LOL


Are you happy right now? you can't predict what will happen if you change your circumstances, but you certainly know how you feel right now.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

It takes courage to do something you've never done. But, if you want something you haven't had, you have to do something you haven't done before.


----------



## stuckinlimbo (Oct 20, 2011)

You're right I'm not happy right now. I had never thought about it or felt strongly about it, but I realize now that I considered the marriage to be for life.


----------



## stuckinlimbo (Oct 20, 2011)

I forgot to mention on my original thread a lie detecter was recommended. I did mention this to WS but of course it wasn't received well..go figure. I kind of felt like an idiot for even suggesting something like this as it seems kind of extreme to me.


----------



## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

stuckinlimbo said:


> I forgot to mention on my original thread a lie detecter was recommended. I did mention this to WS but of course it wasn't received well..go figure. I kind of felt like an idiot for even suggesting something like this as it seems kind of extreme to me.


Then do a bit of snooping. If you have a home computer and if he/she sync'd up his/her phone to the computer to charge, chances are it downloaded all text conversation onto a folder on the home PC. You can even read deleted texts as well. If it's an iphone, you need to download and iphone extractor? Someone will be able to provide you the link I'm sure. 

You might be able to read texts that would incriminate him/her.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

stuckinlimbo said:


> I forgot to mention on my original thread a lie detecter was recommended. I did mention this to WS but of course it wasn't received well..go figure. I kind of felt like an idiot for even suggesting something like this as it seems kind of extreme to me.



OMG I wouldn't have taken that one lightly either. I would have laughed you right out of the room at the suggestion of a lie detector. If you have to go through all of that, just end it. 

You know what you know, and either it's enough for you to walk away or it isn't.


----------

