# I am finally 'COMPLETELY' letting go and moving on...



## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

After 11 weeks of hell regarding my soon to be ex husbands infidelity, I decided he has way to much access into my life. My brain and heart are constantly at battle on what I should be doing. My brain tells me "he's an a** and move on. My heart tells me "you love him, hold on to hope". "Regardless, of what he did to you". He hurt me more than anyone has and I am not allowing that again. I want to follow my brains advice.

So after careful consideration I blocked him. I suggest anyone who is struggling with this same issue and do not have children, block them from being able to call/text you and make their email address go directly to your spam. I think that's the only way to completely successfully go NC. 

I filed for divorce Jan. 8 and it will be final April 30. I am doing what I can to make myself happy again and to not allow his choice of cheating define my life anymore. He's responsible for his choices and it's my responsibility not to allow those choices to hurt me anymore.

Does anyone have a success story of complete NC and their lives being happier because of it? Regardless, I should've done this the day I confronted him and kicked him out!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southernsurf (Feb 22, 2013)

I did the same thing years ago that you are doing now for my own well being and survival. No kids, once I made my decision I stuck to it and I have no regrets, it will take time but in the end you are better off. Once you make that decision DO NOT look back and you will be fine. Life is to be lived, move on, set new goals, surround yourself with people that like to be with you and eliminate the bad players. Things only got worse for her after I left (3 divorces), not better like she thought they would. She did try to contact me about 3 months later, sent friend to talk to me etc etc, I almost caved in a couple times but in the end I stuck with my plan and never talked to her again. I was stubborn about making my plan work and I did.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

southernsurf said:


> I did the same thing years ago that you are doing now for my own well being and survival. No kids, once I made my decision I stuck to it and I have no regrets, it will take time but in the end you are better off. Once you make that decision DO NOT look back and you will be fine. Life is to be lived, move on, set new goals, surround yourself with people that like to be with you and eliminate the bad players. Things only got worse for her after I left (3 divorces), not better like she thought they would. She did try to contact me about 3 months later, sent friend to talk to me etc etc, I almost caved in a couple times but in the end I stuck with my plan and never talked to her again. I was stubborn about making my plan work and I did.


Thank you for sharing that!! That's very inspiring. I almost empowered right now. Like I am finally accepting what has happened and not letting it define me anymore. He's not who I fell in love with anymore. It's better to let go of anything and everything that doesn't serve any purpose in your life anymore. Filing for divorce and blocking him are the key ingredients I needed. I am not going to fool myself into thinking it'll be easier everyday of the week. But it's what I need to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Satya said:


> My ex and I parted on amicable terms and I still did the whole blocking and absolute NC (unless to do with divorce). My heart hurt way too much and even correspondence with him was a kind of trigger. I asked all mutual friends to keep silent about him totally.
> 
> It's really the best way to let go and move on Imo, if you don't have children or other things requiring communication.


Thank you for your advice. I didnt part on bad terms either. I also have ended all communication with his family. We don't have anything to communicate about anymore. If he absolutely needs to contact me, he knows my parents phone number and they can relay the message. Like you, I have asked all friends not to tell me about his life or about mine. It's out of sight and out of mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Heal at your pace.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

I am so glad to hear it. Applauding you from the sidelines.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Kaya,

I'm on the other end of bridge. I was 30 years into a marriage, debt, college age kids, mortgage, home, family, all the issues with kids in college and such when I caught my wife cheating for years with 3 other OM. 

YOU ARE NOT! BAIL OUT NOW!

Listen to your Lawyers. Stay the course. Move on reclaim your life without the memory of cheater. Hear a truth... It is possible to R with infidelity, but... but... You will wake every day, go to sleep every night, with the memory of how you were betrayed, used, lied to. It never really goes away. Yes, it dulls, but is always just one thought away.


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## BlackjackBob (Nov 9, 2012)

Kaya62003 said:


> After 11 weeks of hell regarding my soon to be ex husbands infidelity, I decided he has way to much access into my life. My brain and heart are constantly at battle on what I should be doing. My brain tells me "he's an a** and move on. My heart tells me "you love him, hold on to hope". "Regardless, of what he did to you". He hurt me more than anyone has and I am not allowing that again. I want to follow my brains advice.
> 
> So after careful consideration I blocked him. I suggest anyone who is struggling with this same issue and do not have children, block them from being able to call/text you and make their email address go directly to your spam. I think that's the only way to completely successfully go NC.
> 
> ...


What you're doing is very admirable and revealing of a strong character. I was in a very similar rut not too long ago, so I can relate. I'm sure many others here can as well. Keep up the good work and don't allow yourself to give in. You'll be an even better, happier person for it once you arrive at the end of this road you're traveling on. Live your life and don't look back at him and what you two had. It's gone forever. Better roads to travel on await.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

BlackjackBob said:


> What you're doing is very admirable and revealing of a strong character. I was in a very similar rut not too long ago, so I can relate. I'm sure many others here can as well. Keep up the good work and don't allow yourself to give in. You'll be an even better, happier person for it once you arrive at the end of this road you're traveling on. Live your life and don't look back at him and what you two had. It's gone forever. Better roads to travel on await.


Thanks I cannot wait until I hit the end of this road. My STBXH doesn't have respect for boundaries or himself at that matter. He's one of those types of people who won't get a clue even after their life falls to ****. So to keep myself from being sucked back into his bull****, it's best for me to sever contact.
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## Lilies12 (Dec 8, 2012)

I must say your post is advice to me. I am dealing with that right now. My head is telling me to leave, move on...but my heart is telling me I love him, we have a family....I think deep down I know it is over but to admit it and start the process of divorce is the hardest part.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Lilies12 said:


> I must say your post is advice to me. I am dealing with that right now. My head is telling me to leave, move on...but my heart is telling me I love him, we have a family....I think deep down I know it is over but to admit it and start the process of divorce is the hardest part.


Lilies12, I am glad my post could be helpful to you. I do not have children with my STBXH, but he was a seragent father to my daughter. She is 15 so if she wants contact with him, that's up to her. I know it's hard because you have a family together, but he was willing to give up your family when he had an affair. Does he have a good relationship with your children? 

I know you have to co parent with him, but keep your conversations strictly about children, finances and divorce. I know it's easier said than done, but in the end I think you'll be sooooo much happier. I think it's great that people want to R. More power to them, & if it makes their marriage stronger that's even better. But I wouldn't be able to move past the constant paranoia that they do it again. I would rather give my love and take the chance on someone who will be worthy of my love. There is nothing my STBXH could do or say to make things better between us. Good luck to you, whatever route you take...
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## Lilies12 (Dec 8, 2012)

I believe he did not think I would catch him and obviously wasn't thinking of his family when he did what he did! No he doesn't have much of a relationship with the kids, he is like your STBXH a seragent and our kids are young, only 1 goes to school and we have 3 all together. 
What I am struggling with is whether or not I can actually move past this last time he was unfaithful, I already did it once but I really don't think I can do it agian and feel I deserve someone better. 
Good Luck to you too!


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

RWB said:


> Kaya,
> 
> I'm on the other end of bridge. I was 30 years into a marriage, debt, college age kids, mortgage, home, family, all the issues with kids in college and such when I caught my wife cheating for years with 3 other OM.
> 
> ...


Agree with RWB. I have 29 years in a marriage, two houses (just bought another one where we live now), debt, etc. False R. And now I find out as my WS was saying I love you and want to grow old with you, I love the new house, etc, that her sexual activities got worse and worse.

Bail now.


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