# Married almost 25 years and sex is an issue



## PilotofThePurpleTwilight (Jul 20, 2013)

I got married to my wife when I was 24, and I swear our sex life dwindled progressively after that to the point where she wouldn't want to have sex any more than a couple of times a month at best. And the sex became routine missionary only. I remember my 30's as full of very intense sexual frustration.

Now, I'm 48, and although the frequency of the sex is better, (once a week), she really won't venture beyond vanilla. As I feel my time running out, I spoke to her frankly about this. I told her I wanted her to be more adventurous, more like a real sexual partner. I find her to be drop-dead gorgeous, and I feel like I get scraps. 

So she confessed to me that she feels very inhibited. I knew that her Japanese mother had been a call-girl (although unsaid, we both know her absent dad must have been a customer). I knew her older sister had also done that for awhile. My wife's reaction to that was to reject that life to the point where she feels that anything beyond pure vanilla is "*****ish" and turns her off. She has great difficulty saying explicit sexual things to me. 

She says's she's OK with things as they are and has absolutely no desire to see a counselor. So I really feel stuck now. I guess it's either accept this is my sex life for the rest of my life or I seek something elsewhere.

Truth is, I feel bad for her. But I also feel angry at having been cheated out of good sex during our prime years. I really don't know what to do.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Well don't just stop the communication train now that you got it started....for one thing keep going. Ok so she has some wrong perceptions about some things....so work on changing those. Educate her on the difference between a healthy sex life ...sexually sacrificing relationship and what a paid escort does. Buy some books on sexual relationships from a family or christian book store .... by the way they ain't just vanilla sex described in those books either...but coming from ine of yhese stores will seem less threatenening and more "proper". Start her out showing her that it is normal for people to do these things......if she is willing to to talk to you about it half the battle is won. Just get your information together and start helping her open up to the possibility that her percepeption may be wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

PilotofThePurpleTwilight said:


> Truth is, I feel bad for her. But I also feel angry at having been cheated out of good sex during our prime years. I really don't know what to do.


Well, there is nothing you can do about that now.For your reasons you put up with it for all that time. So you can either continue accepting what you have, or D and start relationships with other women. I can't see where she is going to change at this late date


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

It isnqiite difficult, of course, to get someone to change who doesn't want to change.

Around 10 years ago I was watching an HBO reality series on a Las Vegas brothel. The owner was speaking so matter of fact - we get a huge amount of married men in here. These men are coming in for two things. One is BJ's because they aren't getting them at home. The other is enthusiasm. They are so tired of getting turned down at home and so tired of having sex with someone who just lays there that they are willing to pay for someone to act like they cant get enough of them. 

So another way to look at the prostitute thing is that a man wouldn't consider such a thing with a little enthusiasm and a little adventurous spirit at home. Its wives like your wife that led men to women like her mother and sister. (Not condoning prostitution, cheating or paying for sex.) If she is so disgusted by what her mother did she should work to put those ladies out of business by not contributing to the need.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> It isnqiite difficult, of course, to get someone to change who doesn't want to change.
> 
> Around 10 years ago I was watching an HBO reality series on a Las Vegas brothel. The owner was speaking so matter of fact - we get a huge amount of married men in here. These men are coming in for two things. One is BJ's because they aren't getting them at home. The other is enthusiasm. They are so tired of getting turned down at home and so tired of having sex with someone who just lays there that they are willing to pay for someone to act like they cant get enough of them.
> 
> So another way to look at the prostitute thing is that a man wouldn't consider such a thing with a little enthusiasm and a little adventurous spirit at home. Its wives like your wife that led men to women like her mother and sister. (Not condoning prostitution, cheating or paying for sex.) If she is so disgusted by what her mother did she should work to put those ladies out of business by not contributing to the need.


Most women seem to hate these facts but I think you're completely correct. You make a great point here.


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## PilotofThePurpleTwilight (Jul 20, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> It isnqiite difficult, of course, to get someone to change who doesn't want to change.
> 
> Around 10 years ago I was watching an HBO reality series on a Las Vegas brothel. The owner was speaking so matter of fact - we get a huge amount of married men in here. These men are coming in for two things. One is BJ's because they aren't getting them at home. The other is enthusiasm. They are so tired of getting turned down at home and so tired of having sex with someone who just lays there that they are willing to pay for someone to act like they cant get enough of them.
> 
> So another way to look at the prostitute thing is that a man wouldn't consider such a thing with a little enthusiasm and a little adventurous spirit at home. Its wives like your wife that led men to women like her mother and sister. (Not condoning prostitution, cheating or paying for sex.) If she is so disgusted by what her mother did she should work to put those ladies out of business by not contributing to the need.


Sorry I wasn't able to repond before, but I read this when you wrote it. I love the point you made - it's so true. But no way I can say that to her ..


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

PilotofThePurpleTwilight said:


> Sorry I wasn't able to repond before, but I read this when you wrote it. I love the point you made - it's so true. But no way I can say that to her ..


Maybe she can see it on tv.


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## boonefhh (Jul 22, 2013)

These men are coming in for two things. One is BJ's because they aren't getting them at home. The other is enthusiasm.


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

PilotofThePurpleTwilight said:


> Sorry I wasn't able to repond before, but I read this when you wrote it. I love the point you made - it's so true. But no way I can say that to her.


Why? You MUST say it to her, or it will NEVER change. 

Don't let them fool you. They know exactly what you want. My wife was also like this, wouldn't talk about things, would only do two positions, etc. It was not until I started making the sex rules that I learned she knew much more than she was letting on. As soon as she agreed that I would make the rules, she said "but you are not sticking your c*** up my a**". She thought I would be mad, but I laughed harder and longer than I have in years. If only I got it on tape.


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## PilotofThePurpleTwilight (Jul 20, 2013)

jay1365 said:


> Why? You MUST say it to her, or it will NEVER change.
> 
> Don't let them fool you. They know exactly what you want. My wife was also like this, wouldn't talk about things, would only do two positions, etc. It was not until I started making the sex rules that I learned she knew much more than she was letting on. As soon as she agreed that I would make the rules, she said "but you are not sticking your c*** up my a**". She thought I would be mad, but I laughed harder and longer than I have in years. If only I got it on tape.


Implying that I would see a prostitute if she doesn't spice things up for me would be a disaster in this case. But on another note: I recently asked her what sexual fanstasies she has. Her answer: None. She did say that an expensive suite at a hotel + champagne would get her hot and bothered. But I did take her on a few of those in the past and nothing exceptional happened - in fact once (in Rome) we didn't even have sex. I'm a little stumped ..


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