# What age were you the first time this happened?



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I mentioned in another thread that almost every girl who has entered puberty immediately has adult men leering at her. I’m not saying most adult men do it, in my case I can recall at least 4 or 5 of them doing it by the time I was 13. Out of probably hundreds of men I had encountered during that time (I also grew up in a very small town so did not come into the presence of that many people) this is a very small percentage of them. 

Yet it definitely happened and it was gross and confusing.

Women, what age were you the first time you noticed an adult man leering at you? 

Of course many women experienced much worse than leering, and I don’t want to trigger anyone or ask them to describe actual assault or abuse. However if you want to share that, please do so. 

I just think it would be helpful for men to hear about this so they can better understand what women grow up with and how we know at a very young age that some adult men are potentially dangerous to us.

If more men understand this, maybe they can be more observant and call creepy men out on it. Of course, this type of man is going to be very stealthy about it so as not to get busted by other adults. But good men being more aware of how often it happens can’t be a bad thing for us.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Like you, I was 13 or 14.

My best friend and I would walk down to the mall on the weekends to hang out with the other kids and the entire walk down to the mall (about a mile or so on trafficked roads), guys in cars were hooting and hollering at us and men in 18 wheeler trucks were honking their horns at us, etc. etc. 

It's been pretty much that way ever since I was 13 or 14.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea, 13/14 here too.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I'd say the same...as soon as I got boobs it started happening. Never had any adult men make any inappropriate advances at that age 12/13, but the boys at school did a lot of grabbing at me. It wasn't until I'd had enough and totally freaked out on one boy before it stopped. 

I see it now with my girls. Starting at about the same ages I noticed men staring at them. One guy looked like he wanted to drag my oldest into an alley when she was 14. I'll never forget him...I was grateful I didn't let my girls walk around the mall alone like a lot of Moms did back then. 

Now that they are young women I see lots of men stare at them but only a few actually leer at them. But the ones that do are just unbelievable. We were at the beach this summer and this guy kept leering at my oldest even though her boyfriend was with us. I saw him check out my other two first, linger on them for a second, then start staring at my oldest. With her he got that "I wish I could get you alone and helpless" look. So much so that I made her wrap herself up her towel and we left at that point. Her boyfriend did say something to the guy but he just laughed and continued to stare at her and my other girls too. Such a pig.

But most young men just look at them and it's clear they just find them attractive. I can't fault the guys for that, my girls are dancers and have the bodies to go with it. They are usually completely unaware that it's happening just as I usually am if someone is checking me out. And when someone tells me about it, I don't believe them. LOL


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Yep, about the same age when my body started to develop and the attention was like it came out of nowhere. Like i was invisible for all my life then tons of attention all of the sudden. Some of it was more leering and looking (like unwanted "compliments" - e.g. "nice t***") and some of it was more scary and nasty. Some of it seemed tinged with anger toward women. I guess you'd say misogyny. 

In addition to street type "leering" I also have had more personal and physical stuff happen too. All across the spectrum. I'm an introvert/shy so maybe i seem to be an easier target, who knows but i probably am. For example, i've been cornered, called names and told what he was going to do to me in very graphic and even violent way. And grabbed. Sometimes it was strangers and sometimes it was guys who heard rumors about me and thought I was fair game because they knew i had sex with other people or was "easy". 

I think it's a topic that most men have no idea about. I mean they probably get that women get unwanted attention but don't really understand what it's like and much of it probably goes unnoticed by other guys.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

When I was around 12. I was already getting unwanted attention from boys but I became really uncomfortable when an acquaintance of my father's made an inappropriate comment one day. He was the first but not the last adult to make me feel that men weren't safe. That was very long ago but I don't think that things have changed much since then.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

With my sister, it was 12 or so. 

By 13, I was beating the crap out of guys in my high school for trying to date her.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

From what I can remember, it was probably around aged 14 that guys would honk their cars while driving by. When I was 15, I was on the tube with a friend who was a few years older. Man sitting opposite flashed us. Friend whispered to me to laugh. She pointed and we both laughed. He covered up and moved away. 

A moment that stands out in my mind was at a party/event when I was 17 and waiting for the bathroom, and a man in his 40s was in line in front of me. As he was about to go in, he turned and suggested we go into the bathroom together so I could give him a hand. No doubt my look of disgust was answer enough. Afterwards I saw him with his wife and considered telling her but was persuaded not to create a scene. 

Almost as a contradiction though, from my teen years, a couple of moments took me by surprise. Not in line with the intention of this thread, but rather that I was completely unaware that older guys I knew were viewing me a certain way. An example is when the 28 year old guy working at the record store told me, 'When you turn 18, that body is mine..' And my 17 year old mental reaction was, '..say whah?!' I was going to clubs and raves from about the age of 15, and thankfully what I experienced most in that scene, was the seeming protectiveness demonstrated towards me. At 17, a guy I'd met once earlier in the day, with mutual chemistry, came to see me at a club later. I was on the dance-floor when he walked over and without saying a word, pulled me close and kissed me, which was reciprocated. In an instant, the others swarmed around to warn him off. I reassured them it was fine but that took _him_ by surprise, and he decided it was best to leave. We hadn't exchanged numbers, just conversation earlier and saliva on the dance-floor, so we didn't see one another again.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Some of you mentioned boys and teen becoming creeps and gropers towards us. There were dozens more examples in my life of this than there were adult men. But I assume men would give a pass to young boys for not necessarily knowing any better, so I specifically wanted them to hear about adult men doing this, because I don’t think most men know this happens. 

I could write pages and pages about what boys and teens did to me. It’s also sickening and it definitely also shaped my awareness of kind of harm what males in general are capable of. But when it was an adult male, it really affected me much worse. It made me unable to trust adults, the only people who can protect children.

I’m not saying not to include these stories because it’s all relevant.

Here’s just one of mine...

There was a huge sports field two blocks from my home, and there were baseball practices and games going on all spring and summer. I would happily go down there and see friends, watch the games, eat burgers from the concession stand, and generally run free. 

One day, I was about 11, there were two boys about a year older than me who kept following me, harassing me, and if they could get close enough to me they would grab at me and kept trying to corner me away from others. I kept yelling and literally cussing at them because it made me so angry and afraid but they were literally laughing in my face when I would do this. They got more aggressive the more I got defensive and they clearly loved that they were scaring me. 

I went home at one point and told my step father there were some boys out there bothering me. I could not say what they were actually doing because i hadn’t developed the language skills to explain it, so I just said bothering me. He just said well come back in the house then. I’m sure he thought they were just being dumb and if he knew what they were really doing he would have stepped outside and found them and grabbed them by the scruff of the neck. 

I did not want to give up my good time hanging out at the field so I rejected the idea of just going back inside. I went back to the field and hoped the boys had left, but no they were just waiting for me. Then I saw a savior. Across the street was the home of a family where the teen daughter used to babysit me when I was younger. She had a boyfriend and he was there as well, they were in the front yard. They were both about 20 at the time. When I saw them I raced over there and explained to them as best I could what was going on. They read between the lines and knew what was happening. Just then the boys passed by and the boyfriend went directly out and told them he was going to kick the **** out of them if they so much as spoke to me again. The boys left immediately as they knew they were caught and were now in danger of getting a beating.

I can’t describe the feeling of relief and gratitude I felt. I did not actually know at that time that these boys very surely may have raped or assaulted me if they had been able to corner me away from view. I just knew that it was scary and “mean” and gross what they had been doing, I had no clue of their actual intent. No one talked to their 11 year old daughters about the possibility of them being raped, at least none of my friends were ever told this and neither was I. We were completely unaware this could happen until it did happen. When the boyfriend became so violent and forceful towards these boys, versus just saying “hey knock it off fellas” or something, I suddenly understood it all at once. I ran to him when he came back to the front yard and threw my arms around him and started crying and thanking him. He and my former babysitter took me in the house and gave me a drink and let me play in their backyard (out of view of the field) for awhile until I felt safe again. When I left they walked me out to the street and told me I could come to them any time I needed to.

That ONE time ended well for me, but the hundreds of other times I had no such savior.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Openminded said:


> When I was around 12. I was already getting unwanted attention from boys but I became really uncomfortable when an acquaintance of my father's made an inappropriate comment one day. He was the first but not the last adult to make me feel that men weren't safe. That was very long ago but I don't think that things have changed much since then.


Ugh, business acquaintances of my wife’s father were inappropriate (including touching) with her at 12 as well. This was in the mid 70’s. She thought her dad condoned it. That left her relationship with him rather complex to the end. 

She too didn’t feel safe with men. She decided to have (lots of) sex with boys her age in hopes of making herself unattractive to her dad’s acquaintances.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

CharlieParker said:


> Ugh, business acquaintances of my wife’s father were inappropriate (including touching) with her at 12 as well. This was in the mid 70’s. She thought her dad condoned it. That left her relationship with him rather complex to the end.
> 
> She too didn’t feel safe with men. She decided to have (lots of) sex with boys her age in hopes of making herself unattractive to her dad’s acquaintances.


In my case also a business acquaintance of my father's. And I never mentioned any of that to my parents. Girls were the ones blamed in that time. 

I understand your wife's mindset completely and sympathize.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

I and my family were camping with another family, in the early 2000's. The other family had a son that was 16, while my sister was 13 at the time.

The son of the other family started hanging out with some older boys that were staying there (I think they were around 18). While doing so, he found out that they were planning to rape my sister. He of course hoofed it back to the campsite, and let my parents know what was going on. From which time, she never left their sight.

-

For myself, I rarely look at girls. I went out on a limb with the first girl I ever liked, openly flirted with her, looked at her and smiled - what my 16 year old self considered very bold behavior. She played along, but eventually I discovered that she was just using me for attention. At which point, I turned into the face of God's vengeance, and refused to give girls the time of day.

At least I'm not part of the problem I guess.


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## Ms. Hawaii (Mar 28, 2018)

11


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Oh....this thread brought back some memories. 

I remember I had men leering at me since I was around 7- 8 y.o. They would make sexual comments whenever I was walking down the street alone...or would stare at me in a weird way. 

When I was 8, a guy who was older than me at the time (16) even made a sexual move towards me.This guy would always touch me behind.. and say stuff..but I don't know why I never said anything to him or anyone. I don't know why I thought it was normal.

I remember one day he was sitting outstide the neighborhood of my aunt (I used to go there everyday after school). As he was sitting on the stairs of her apartment, while I had jus gotten back from school, he said "come and sit on me..." 
I looked at him in a weird way but...decided to follow through and sat on him. He then started touching my legs and gropped at my intimate parts. Unzipped his pants and mine and started making sexual moves and touching. I was not reacting but after a few minutes I did. 
I don't know why I let it happen in the first place. It was no pleasurable or anything...but still I was doing /saying nothing. Obviously, I didn't mention anything at home or told nothing to my aunt. 

I knew it was something sexual...but I guess didn't have the mental ability to understand what it really was or even realize how inappropriate was at the time.

*******************************

I also remember an episode when I was 11 y.o. The company my dad used to work for, organised an event at a restaurant and mom couldn't go so I went with my dad. 
I noticed several men would stare at me like maniacs. Especially one of them .... but at the time...I didn't think much of it. 

What actually happened is that when the party was over, this man greeted my dad and shook hands with him and when it was *my turn* to shake hands with him..., he actually came near me and gropped my left breast. 
I was caught off guard and didn't react. I didn't know what to do. I was behind dad and who had walked away to greet other colleagues, so he saw nothing. 
During our way home, I told my dad about this...he asked me when it happened...I explained in details when and how. 
I think he was somewhat speechless but said nothing. We never mentioned it again after that moment. 

Thinking of it now, my dad shouldn't have left me alone and behind. What this man did was actually a sexual harassment. 

I was a VERY naive and uninformed kid about sexual stuff info. Also, we were taught nothing at school or by our parents. 

Sent from my SM-N960F using Tapatalk


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

notmyjamie said:


> With her he got that "I wish I could get you alone and helpless" look. So much so that I made her wrap herself up her towel and we left at that point. Her boyfriend did say something to the guy but he just laughed and continued to stare at her and my other girls too. Such a pig.


When creeps give my girlfriend the "I wish I could get you alone and helpless" look, I give them the same look back.

You were at a beach right? I would also have kicked the sand in his face.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

When I was 13 a much older teen boy came up to me and said, I want to **** you until you cry. It was pretty offensive.

I sometimes had to walk to and from school:

Men honking horns.

One time a man yelled out his car "what a ripe peach".

None of those were positive experiences.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> When creeps give my girlfriend the "I wish I could get you alone and helpless" look, I give them the same look back.
> 
> You were at a beach right? I would also have kicked the sand in his face.


As a woman, I felt the best course of action was to just get out of there. We were about to leave anyway so it didn't inconvenience us at all. I was afraid if it turned physical her boyfriend might get hurt or more likely hurt the guy to much. They looked evenly matched but you never know. The last thing I needed was for him to get arrested. 

But I fear some poor woman may end up alone and helpless with this guy someday


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

notmyjamie said:


> As a woman, I felt the best course of action was to just get out of there. We were about to leave anyway so it didn't inconvenience us at all. I was afraid if it turned physical her boyfriend might get hurt or more likely hurt the guy to much. They looked evenly matched but you never know. The last thing I needed was for him to get arrested.
> 
> But I fear some poor woman may end up alone and helpless with this guy someday


That's fair enough, just saying, eventually the guy would do the same to someone who wouldn't be so restrained lol



BioFury said:


> The son of the other family started hanging out with some older boys that were staying there (I think they were around 18). While doing so, he found out that they were planning to rape my sister. He of course hoofed it back to the campsite, and let my parents know what was going on. From which time, she never left their sight.


Wow... WTF, rapists in a communion. If they are this bold to discuss it like that should have reported it for the off chance the police were already on to their activities.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> That's fair enough, just saying, eventually the guy would do the same to someone who wouldn't be so restrained lol
> 
> I don't doubt it at all. I don't think he'll learn his lesson though.
> 
> ...


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

RandomDude said:


> Wow... WTF, rapists in a communion. If they are this bold to discuss it like that should have reported it for the off chance the police were already on to their activities.


I'm not entirely sure what my parents did, as I only found out about it years later. I was barely double digits at the time.



notmyjamie said:


> I was almost raped at age 14. The guy told his friends his was going to do it ahead of time. His friends just left to give him the privacy to do it. A friend of mine walked in and saved me at the last minute thankfully. I found out years later that my brother beat the living **** out of him a week later.


Unless he pulverized both the guy's testicles with a baseball bat, I think he got off easy.

No offense intended, but did you grow up in a low income neighborhood? Cause I was pretty horny as a teen, but raping someone never occurred to me as a possibility. Makes me wonder what kind of crap environment fosters the "I'll just rape her" mentality.


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## Rlc307 (Jan 14, 2018)

I started getting attention from older males when I was 14. I remember when my first boyfriend and I started dating at that age. We had been childhood friends since we were like 6 and we still say hi every now and then. In fact, I just told him about this recently and he was floored. We lived in the same neighborhood and I remember meeting his step dad for the first time. He was a rowdy, loud, sports fanatic jack off and he literally yelled, "look at the tits on her!" I cringed when I went to visit my boyfriend if I knew his mom wasn't home because his step dad always answered the door😑


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

BioFury said:


> Unless he pulverized both the guy's testicles with a baseball bat, I think he got off easy.
> 
> No offense intended, but did you grow up in a low income neighborhood? Cause I was pretty horny as a teen, but raping someone never occurred to me as a possibility. Makes me wonder what kind of crap environment fosters the "I'll just rape her" mentality.


No offense taken and yes, I did. Someone recently said to me "don't you just love how the smell of Downy brings back your childhood?" and my reply was "we were too poor for Downy." LOL 

I spent most of my summers in Maine at my aunt and uncle's house to keep me away from the kids in the neighborhood. This happened one summer after I came home just a few days before school started. Every guy I grew up with has spent time in jail. This particular guy overdosed last year. He was treated like royalty in my neighborhood so I'm sure that played into his entitled attitude. I want it, I shall have it, whether she wants it or not. But I don't think it was about just having sex...most of the kids I grew up with thought I was too good for the neighborhood and that my family were freaks because my parents were still married at that time. All the other kids had no Dad in the picture and 2 of them had working prostitutes for mothers. Compared to them, I had it made...a loving mother and father. I was also good in school which also made me a freak. I'm sure some of his intention was to knock me down a few pegs. 

I only found out about my brother's beatdown of him a couple years ago. I'm sure it did not involve a baseball bat but it must have been bad because not only did that guy never harass me again, neither did any of the other boys. :grin2:


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

notmyjamie said:


> No offense taken and yes, I did. Someone recently said to me "don't you just love how the smell of Downy brings back your childhood?" and my reply was "we were too poor for Downy." LOL
> 
> I spent most of my summers in Maine at my aunt and uncle's house to keep me away from the kids in the neighborhood. This happened one summer after I came home just a few days before school started. Every guy I grew up with has spent time in jail. This particular guy overdosed last year. He was treated like royalty in my neighborhood so I'm sure that played into his entitled attitude. I want it, I shall have it, whether she wants it or not. But I don't think it was about just having sex...most of the kids I grew up with thought I was too good for the neighborhood and that my family were freaks because my parents were still married at that time. All the other kids had no Dad in the picture and 2 of them had working prostitutes for mothers. *Compared to them, I had it made...a loving mother and father. I was also good in school which also made me a freak. I'm sure some of his intention was to knock me down a few pegs. *
> 
> I only found out about my brother's beatdown of him a couple years ago. I'm sure it did not involve a baseball bat but it must have been bad because not only did that guy never harass me again, neither did any of the other boys. :grin2:


When I hear about those kind of people, it makes me extremely angry. They are the epitome of evil, out to destroy anything good. Individuals like that need to be exterminated.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I have a vivid memory of it. The summer between 7th and 8th grade. I was walking along a busy street in shorts and a tank top, headed to a friend's house. The whole way I was honked at, whistled at, yelled at. I couldn't wait to make it to my friend's place. She was a very pretty blond girl. When I told her what happened, she told me that that happened to her all the time.


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