# how to give my w space when there is a child involved?



## Figs (Dec 2, 2009)

i recently moved out after finding out, my wife is in love with an OM. i want to give us space to think about what should be done next. but i feel guilty and judged if i dont go spend time with my 2yr old daugther. when i do go over to see her, i just find myself wanting to interact with my w in desperation. 

is it wrong if dont go over to see my little girl, in order to give me and my wife space?


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Space isn't aways physical it's relationship space. Don't talk about "us" when you see her. Only about your kid..


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

Figs,
Lh is ABSOLUTELY 100% right! i made the mistake of wanting my h to see and hear me when he came to see the kids...in the beginning...turn it around and make everything about you and your daughter...


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Can you work out an agreement to "get" your daughter at regular times - just like if you were divorced? Any reason your D can't go back to your place for a few hours? Or maybe you could take her out to dinner, a playground or park, a movie - something.


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## Ana_Nurse (Oct 24, 2009)

I am telling you because my husband is doing exatly what you are thinking of doing, and it is horrible! Our situation that got us seperated is different but he is letting his anger towards me make all of his decisions. Don't do that to your baby if you can avoid it. They are innocent in all of this. My husband not coming around is killing her, she is 3. She asks about him every day cries for him every night and I have no answers. If you can DONT BE THAT MAN! 

Best of luck and wishes!


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I would even go as far to say, why don't you and the wife meet on neutral ground so you can spend time with your D? Meet at the park or at McDonalds or somewhere so you can just grab the daughter, tell the W you will have her back there at ___ time and go have some fun with your kid!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Please don't abandon your daughter at this time. Focus on her. Take her out or ask your wife to go out if you want to be in the home with your daughter. Sometimes you should put her to bed, cook meals, etc. Work out a regular schedule and if you can be there at least every other day, she will know when to expect you and her mom can reassure her that you will be there. Follow through--don't lie to your baby. It will do a lot of harm. She needs you and your unconditional love if you want her to have healthy relationships with men in her future. 

I focus totally on my kids when I'm with them; our time in the same home has been cut in 1/2, but I bet I make more of that time than all the time we had before, because it is so precious. I used to take my time with them for granted. It's been really good for us, and I think their relationship with their dad is getting stronger b/c he cannot leave everything to me--I'm not there. Good luck; you won't regret making that extra effort to do the right thing by your daughter, even it it makes it harder for you.


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## cstmxtrme (Dec 20, 2009)

I agree with the last post. My W is being very difficult with our separation. I have tried my best to throw myself at out children. My little one has actually become a "daddys girl" since this whole thing started. I have been able to persuade my W that it would be best if I came over to her place and stayed there with the kids on my weekends and she leaves. Its the hardest thing in the world I promise you, but its great for the kids to see you in their "normal" space. Not knowing where my W is and not "snooping" through her stuff is the hardest thing. But I know the kids love having me there and that makes all the gut wrenching worth it.


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## Marcos (Aug 6, 2010)

Does this continue to work? I did the same but it was torture to see my W leave and go out. I'm still struguling with this becase we now live together again but we are not a couple, more like bed-mates. It's so hard to have the person you love be in the same house but her heart is not there. I have two boys, 3 and 6 and I decided to put my own pain before I let them not see their daddy everyday, but you can just imagin how difficult it is as a men having the person you love and as a men want be there but not available to you. We have Sex about once a week but when we do, she makes it seem like is something that did not supposed to happen. Just hard...


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