# Keeping up..



## Fightlikeagirl (May 1, 2012)

Hi all,

It's clear through research, books and articles that the "spark, or flare" you expierence in the beginning of your relationship fades at some point. All of the past readings or advice I've ever heard was to find ways to continue to keep things interesting, or be romantic and involved with your partner. 

I've come to a standstill..a road block. I don't know where to go from here, and how to bring that interest back, or connect again on an emotional (and physical level). 

Some history..
My finance and I have been together for 1 1/2 years (his second comitted relationship, and longest relationship ever). We are a blended family- I have two children ages 3 and 6. My 3 year old has leukemia, which complicates things, and adds alot of stress. He doesn't see, or understand a lot of it. He has always lived the life of a uncomitted bachelor, and of course took full advantage of it. Never really having the dynamics of a real relationship. I also am in a long, lengthy and financially stressing court case with my children's father, in which I have been petitioning full custody and placement of my children. Attorney bills can run from 500-2000/mo. (I've been in this court case for a year). The court case, and the finances stress me out more than him, and he doesn't mind that we make huge sacrifices to ensure those bills (attorney) are paid, because it's temporary. Since he doesn't have kids of his own, he has finally gotten a good idea of what life is like with kids, and that it is not all hunk-kee-dori all the time. Life with kids can be difficult, and hard to manage. My kids are in stages where the 6 year old has occasionally started to test limits, and is really sick of her 3 year old sister copying her and following her. My 3 year old wants to do EVERYTHING the 6 year old does, but is very moody, needy and does whine in cry alot--all related to a combination of her illness, medciations she takes, what she's been through physcologically and afterall, she's 3 My fiance see's things differently since he hasn't been around since birth. 

I can tell the weight of kids is starting to stress him out, and does somewhat effect our relationship. I'm used to being a single mom and not worrying about relieving stress off of the other parent because the kids have been a handful (Oh yeah..he works second shift by the way, too). 

I have been recently struggling with anxiety/depression that I've been trialing medications on that have made me moody, or tired, etc. 

I just started a new job that is very demanding, yet financially rewarding. 

We have naturally reached that point in our relationship where the spark goes away, and I don't know where to begin to get it back. we have a huge combination of stressors that add up. Any suggestions? I've tried doing things like leaving him little love notes around the house, sending him sweet text messages..but he's sick of that it seems, or he is used to it and expects it. I also don't know what to do to make him feel special?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Have you tried talking to your fiance about his feelings? It is hard for a non parent to understand the trials of raising children, especially a very sick toddler. Maybe your fiance feels like he is the last priority and he is shutting down because of it. I am not blaming you for that, just trying to make you see how he might be feeling. Of course, this is just speculation. I don't know the man.

Do you have enough money to get away for a night? That can do wonders. It doesn't have to be fancy hotel; bed and breakfasts are often cheaper and very romantic. Think about what his Love Language is and try to learn how to speak it. If you can't afford the getaway, how about a date?


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

You can't change his stress, nor can you remove it, he needs to reconize it and cope for himself. Please don't get in the co~dependant role as it will destroy any chance you have. 
Stress~aint no drug that can make you happy and stress free. Pray. Everytime you feel stress or feel bad about ur life, cry out to the Lord, he will hear you, he will comfort you. I just went thru this a few weeks ago, I was angry, I was full of hate..I wanted the X to just care about her children as much as I do, I was telling the Assistant Pastor all about my anger, she told me to pray, I explained I'd have to pray all the time...she said "then pray w/o stopping, God will help you but you have to give him the chance." I did and it works, my anger, stress, and depression is all gone. Drugs are not the answer, on any level, even from a Dr. It's like Norco, the pain is still there, it just hides it for awhile.
Mouse


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