# Put a family in debt for a pet's cancer treatment?



## pikes (Nov 9, 2013)

Newly married. My husband's dog was diagnosed with cancer over Christmas break. Yorkie poo, 13 years old. 

We had quite a few disagreements regarding treatment. I felt he was old, and I didn't think it was wise to put us into debt, nor to put his dog through these treatments. Prognosis is poor. Emergency visit/ultrasounds already amounted to $3000. Surgery was another $5500, and possible chemo to follow.

He felt that any amount of time he could give his dog was worth it. To quote, "Responsible pet owners don't just get rid of their pets when it becomes financially inconvenient."

Last week, we had $35 in savings, less than a $100 in checking, and $5000 in credit debt. But I refinanced my car, so we could get the funds to pay for the emergency visit and surgery. 

Today, the vet calls and says, they want to do more tests to see if the dog is a candidate for chemo. $340 for the test, and then possibly another $5000 for chemo.

He tells me I am selfish, that he can't even feel sad around me because all I can think about is money...

I don't even know what to think right now...


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## Yag-Kosha (Sep 8, 2016)

I am not a dog person. In some cultures they eat dogs. I don't really have an issue with that either. 

I wouldn't spend that kind of money on a dog.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

pikes said:


> Newly married. My husband's dog was diagnosed with cancer over Christmas break. Yorkie poo, 13 years old.
> 
> We had quite a few disagreements regarding treatment. I felt he was old, and I didn't think it was wise to put us into debt, nor to put his dog through these treatments. Prognosis is poor. Emergency visit/ultrasounds already amounted to $3000. Surgery was another $5500, and possible chemo to follow.
> 
> ...



Having had over 20 dogs, and having had many experience cancer, I cannot think of a more cruel thing to do with a 13 year old dog than to force it to endure extremely painful surgery and chemo. I have had chemo and would not wish it on anybody. If I were 70, I'd have refused it, but I was younger. The dog is 70.

Dusty Dog


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

It seems more humane to put the dog out of it's misery, as gently as possible.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

We tried to lengthen the life of a couple of pets and now feel we did the wrong thing. Now if the prognosis is dim, we help the dog die as peaceful as possible. Super human effort to prolong a crappy life just does not sound like the right thing to do.

In your case, add on all of the future arguments about the lack of money and now more debt, let the dog die a dignified death.

Some young people want to do the heroic thing but as people age they see death as a natural event and are OK with death.

I knew a person that spent $15,000 to treat her dog's cancer. She even had dog-Hospice help for her dog's last days. It might have made her feel better but did the dog actually benefit?

Dogs are decedents from wolfs. Wild animals usually have half of the life of pets so 13 in the wild would be way past a normal lifetime.


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## pikes (Nov 9, 2013)

I'm headed to bed tonight, but I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to share your comments. I feel better knowing that somebody understands me.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

*Re: Put a family in debt for a pet's cancer treatme*

I am a huge animal lover. HUGE. I believe a responsible pet owner doesn’t cheap out when their pets need care. My husband and I spend amounts that many would find absurd on our critters.

That being said, I would not have done this for my beloved 13 year old dog. Mr Spicy is asleep, but I think he would concur, and he is just as big an animal lover as me. We would make that decision together, considering all factors. 

I mostly answer this way because it is cruel to prolong its life and make it endure all of this while it is overrun with cancer. This is mostly only going to benefit your husband, not so much the dog...would be my guess. Could he recover and live to 20? Anything is possible I suppose.

Financially, I can only hope from your post that you are both very young, but to own that old of a dog:scratchhead:...how old are you guys with only $135 to your names? 

The money piece could be a sign of a very financially irresponsible husband. Hopefully he is just overrun with emotion, but that is how most people end up in debt. Emotion. Keep your eyes open. If he makes lots of bad financial choices, he will take your credit and life down with him. You will work your entire life to pay interest on a old car in hawk for a dog that has been dead a decade. 

The question you now have to ask is, what else of yours will you mortgage next to pay for chemo?


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Nope i would not go into debt for cancer treatments for a pet.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. Your husband had this dog for thirteen years and considers him family. The money is only part of the problem,is the dog going to be healthy after treatment or is he still going to suffer. 
If I could make a suggestion to put to your husband it is this. Let his pet die in peace without pain and use some of the money to sponsor a guide dog or an autistic assistance dog. Depending on where you live they may let you name the dog you are sponsoring so the memory of your pet will live on. Someone will never forget your generosity.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I have 3 dogs. I have lost 4 animals in my lifetime (cats). 

Unless it's some other health issue in their lives, dogs will almost always die of cancer complications. 

It's very sad to lose a beloved pet, but in this case I would opt for giving the animal peace. I know that our dogs will probably get cancer and I'm prepared to lose them from my life some day. 

Has your husband suffered any other sort of loss in his life?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I am a grown ass man and will admit I have cried at the end of a couple of our dogs lives. BUT....I would never put my family into debt paying for treatment to prolong an animals life, especially a 13 year old animal. Honestly sometimes you need to let the cycle of life work as it may.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Dog situation aside, I think you will have marriage problems by the sounds of it. He's financially irresponsible and doesn't seem to be able to make logical decisions. No money saved, $5000 in debt and wants to go another $5000 in debt for a chance to extend the life of a 13 year old dog?

Even if money was abundant and not an issue, it is animal cruelty.

How long have you been married? What was your financial situation before you were married? Your husband's financial situation?
Both earning currently?


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

pikes said:


> Newly married. My husband's dog was diagnosed with cancer over Christmas break. Yorkie poo, 13 years old.
> 
> We had quite a few disagreements regarding treatment. I felt he was old, and I didn't think it was wise to put us into debt, nor to put his dog through these treatments. Prognosis is poor. Emergency visit/ultrasounds already amounted to $3000. Surgery was another $5500, and possible chemo to follow.
> 
> ...


He is not a responsible pet owner. Not having enough money to care for the pet.
He is also the one who is selfish, willing to put the family further into debt, just so he doesn't feel guilty.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

DustyDog said:


> Having had over 20 dogs, and having had many experience cancer, I cannot think of a more cruel thing to do with a 13 year old dog than to force it to endure extremely painful surgery and chemo. I have had chemo and would not wish it on anybody. If I were 70, I'd have refused it, but I was younger. The dog is 70.
> 
> Dusty Dog


This.

My FIL just went through this last year with his golden retriever. The dog had to have part of his jaw removed due to the location of the tumor. The plan was for chemo following the surgery. He never made it that far. It was a downward spiral from there, and after four more weeks of suffering from complications from surgery, and two additional, unplanned surgeries to address the complications, he had to be euthanized. 

The answer to your husband should be, "No, I will not put our family's financial security at risk while at the same time extending the suffering of your dog." 

Either way, no matter the decision, there is going to be resentment. What a lousy situation. Sorry you are here.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I have had 5 rescue dogs. I have loved them all like a member of the family. The thing is that we always have animal insurance so that if the dog is ill its paid for. Not sure what I would do in your situation. The dog being a small one could live another 3, 4 or 5 years, but its hard to know what sort of quality of life he/she would have. 
If I could afford it I would do all I could to give it a chance.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I love dogs. Ten years from now, when you have kids, it's going to burn when you remember that you too the kids' money to spend on a dog who would be dead at that point anyway.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I have had 5 rescue dogs. I love them like a member of the family. The thing is that we always have animal insurance so that if the dog is ill its paid for. Not sure what I would do in your situation. The dog being a small one could live another 3, 4 or 5 years, but its hard to know what sort of quality of life he/she would have.
> If I could afford it I would do all I could to give it a chance.


Normally insurance companies will only insure dogs until they are eight years old.Of course it’s when a dog gets old that most health problems occur.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I absolutely love animals. Given that the dog is 13 years old, I wouldn't spend any more time or money on treatment. My focus would be making the dog a little more comfortable until you think it reaches a point of the quality of life not being there. Then once the pet reaches that point, have it euthanized humanely. It is hard to figure out when it reaches that point though. You'll most like just know when it happens, however it may not match the same point as your spouse. That's the tricky part. 

Now if the dog was younger, my take on this would be different.


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

My dog is 12 (Lab) and getting a slew of issues. The vet and I already discussed putting her down if the issues become consistent due to her age. I love my dog like my first kid but would not risk my financial health for a dog with cancer.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> Normally insurance companies will only insure dogs until they are eight years old.Of course it’s when a dog gets old that most health problems occur.


Our dog is 10 and is still insured. All of our dogs were insured for life, some lived to 14 and 15.You just get them insured when they are young and get a lifetime insurance.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

If I were in your situation, it wouldn't be about the money but about the best interest of the dog. I would not force that poor animal to endure treatments at that age. Cancer treatments are harsh and painful. I am an animal lover, I have dogs and cats and have had many dogs and cats over the course of my life. One of my dogs is nearly 15 now and is on daily medications that are affordable to me and give him a good quality of life. Once those medications no longer work and other affordable treatments are not available, I will release him from any obligation to bring me happiness.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

This is a difficult situation. I don't know how emotionally attached you are to animals but for some people the bond is VERY strong. I remember one rainy night climbing around on our roof (over a lethal drop to a canyon below) trying to find our lost cat. I knew it was completely stupid, but I could't just abandon the cat. (btw - cat was fine). 

I was more upset when my cat died than when my mother died. 

One of our cats had cancer. We didn't have any financial problems so we did do the cancer treatments. I think that even ignoring money, I would not do that again. I think I would approach the discussion that way. its not about money, its that the cancer treatment really is not going to make your dog happy. Dogs die every day in pounds, so you could be rescuing another dog.

That said - I would have a VERY difficult time making that decision. 

All I can really advise is to recognize just how difficult this is for him. 




pikes said:


> Newly married. My husband's dog was diagnosed with cancer over Christmas break. Yorkie poo, 13 years old.
> 
> We had quite a few disagreements regarding treatment. I felt he was old, and I didn't think it was wise to put us into debt, nor to put his dog through these treatments. Prognosis is poor. Emergency visit/ultrasounds already amounted to $3000. Surgery was another $5500, and possible chemo to follow.
> 
> ...


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

pikes,

He thinks more of the dog than he does of you. 

If he is this financially irresponsible now think how the debt is going to pile up as the years go by.

Take your lumps and divorce now.

A new yorkie is what 1000 bucks?

I wouldn't spend 10% of that much money on a German Sheppard let alone a Yorkie.

Tamat


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Welcome to your new long term marital problem, no matter which decision you choose. It's a true Hobson's choice that is going to cost you for a long time.

So put the dog down and pick the one that may sour your relationship with your husband for a time but doesn't jeopardize your future.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Look, the treatment for your dog that you are describing is actually for the human benefit not the dog benefit. Dogs don't understand what is going on with their condition/treatment, just that they don't feel good. They also don't fear death the way people do. What you are really doing is buying more time for your husband to come to terms with his dog's mortality and be ready to say goodbye. How much money is that worth to him, you, and your family? There is a value there but you two are disagreeing about what that value is. 

BTW, what type of cancer does the dog have?


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## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

A dog that old should not be going through extensive treatment and multiple surgeries. Anything that lives long enough will have some adverse health effects. If the dog is eating, drinking, and playing I would let it live until it is in beginning stages of moderate discomfort or it the quality of life is affected. I would then have it put to sleep.

Your husband is being selfish... These treatments and surgeries will likely make the dog more miserable, decrease his quality of life, and it is putting you in massive debt... All for what? Because at the end of it all he will not have his dog regardless of what he does and how much he spends. It is sad and hard accept but sometimes doing the thing that is kind is not always what we feel is right. 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

I love my dogs, but $8500 for surgery and cancer treatments for a 13 year old dog? I would put the old guy out of his misery. Maybe if he was pup I would, but 13 years old is a full life for a dog.

A friend of mine kept his 10 year old chessie alive with like $1900 a month cancer treatments, it was the most miserable thing you ever saw, shaking uncontrollably. I offered to put him down if he didn't have the heart to do it.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

pikes said:


> Newly married. My husband's dog was diagnosed with cancer over Christmas break. Yorkie poo, 13 years old.
> 
> We had quite a few disagreements regarding treatment. I felt he was old, and I didn't think it was wise to put us into debt, nor to put his dog through these treatments. Prognosis is poor. Emergency visit/ultrasounds already amounted to $3000. Surgery was another $5500, and possible chemo to follow.
> 
> ...


You husband is right in this regard. A lot of pets out there are treated as family members, and so one can be a bit more understanding that when a family member becomes ill, you help that family member. BUT, in this case, since the dog is quite up in years, and honestly probably doesn't have many years left even if he/she were 100% healthy, I would suggest putting him/her down humanely. Since it is your husband's dog, and not yours, he probably just can't see/think clearly at this time, and all he wants to do is help his beloved dog. Maybe you can speak to the vet about options, and see which one the vet would recommend? Many of them are just after money, but if you've lucked out and gotten one like mine, they're in it more for animal welfare, and will be honest with you. If you do speak with the vet, and they agree with you, then maybe the vet can talk to your husband and give their professional opinion.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> Normally insurance companies will only insure dogs until they are eight years old.Of course it’s when a dog gets old that most health problems occur.


I'm not sure if this is maybe a US thing, but I have pet insurance for both my 10 year old dogs in Canada. The monthly amounts have gone up a couple times when both pets have hit certain ages, but they're still covered.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

Ursula said:


> I would suggest putting him/her down humanely. Since it is your husband's dog, and not yours, he probably just can't see/think clearly at this time, and all he wants to do is help his beloved dog.


I agree this happened to my mother too. We got our dog (Wheaten Terrier) when I was in Kindergarten, and I was home on leave from the MARINE CORPS to give you an idea how old this dog was. And the dog was in the corner of the kitchen unable to move his hind legs, blind, crap matted to his backside because he couldn't control it and my Mom would clean him twice daily. I just said "Mom, it's time, I'll take him to the vet for you to be put to sleep, say your goodbyes".


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

TAMAT said:


> pikes,
> 
> He thinks more of the dog than he does of you.
> 
> ...


Wow, you're very rude.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Ursula said:


> I'm not sure if this is maybe a US thing, but I have pet insurance for both my 10 year old dogs in Canada. The monthly amounts have gone up a couple times when both pets have hit certain ages, but they're still covered.


My neighbor is blind and he has some other medical issues so he doesn’t get out much.He has a guide dog and I have virtually adopted him.I always brought him out early in the mornings even when my neighbor was ok but now he is over at my house full time.The dog is nine and when I inquired about insuring him I was told because I didn’t have him insured before, the company wouldn’t do it.
Before anyone tells me I shouldn’t have a guide dog that could still work,around here they retire the dogs at ten years old.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

pikes said:


> Newly married. My husband's dog was diagnosed with cancer over Christmas break. Yorkie poo, 13 years old.
> 
> We had quite a few disagreements regarding treatment. I felt he was old, and I didn't think it was wise to put us into debt, nor to put his dog through these treatments. Prognosis is poor. Emergency visit/ultrasounds already amounted to $3000. Surgery was another $5500, and possible chemo to follow.
> 
> ...



Is the Yorkie being treated to cure or sustain life a bit longer? If so, how is the quality of life for the Yorkie? Is the canine being prodded along as miserable as can be so a member of the family can be happy the Yorkie is alive? 

At the end of the day, what is the quality of life for the Yorkie? 

For our pet that was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer we opted for steroids that did help her quality of life for 3 months. From then on we made the decision that once the quality of life for our pet was beyond good we would make the final run to the vet.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Bananapeel said:


> Look, the treatment for your dog that you are describing is actually for the human benefit not the dog benefit. Dogs don't understand what is going on with their condition/treatment, just that they don't feel good. They also don't fear death the way people do. What you are really doing is buying more time for your husband to come to terms with his dog's mortality and be ready to say goodbye. How much money is that worth to him, you, and your family? There is a value there but you two are disagreeing about what that value is.
> 
> BTW, what type of cancer does the dog have?


Bingo. Dog is kept alive(even in misery sometimes) for the enjoyment/benefit of the humans(owners). Throwing good money after bad, particularly if the dog is in pain, is inhuman.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ursula said:


> I'm not sure if this is maybe a US thing, but I have pet insurance for both my 10 year old dogs in Canada. The monthly amounts have gone up a couple times when both pets have hit certain ages, but they're still covered.


Same in the UK. You cant start insurance when they are old, but if you start it earlier it carries on till they die.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He claims you're selfish and unfeeling????

You have 35$ in savings, and he's talking about treating a 13yr. old dog for cancer to the tune of 5k and claims YOU are selfish?

This problem is just the tip of the iceberg for other problems you're going to have. It's a dog, not a person. They have no hopes and dreams. OP, you are the one in the right, and your husband is clearly in the wrong---- to anyone but some emotional nut case.

I see this as a manifestation of a likely whole list of other problems, if this is the way he thinks...
I'm sorry.

BTW, I am a dog lover. I've had to put several of them to sleep. It hurts. It happens. Your husband is lucky to have gotten 13 years out of his pet. It's time to let the dog go. No need for it to suffer as several have pointed out. I have had puppies that had parvo that I had to watch die because the treatment was so expensive, and then there's still no guarantee. It's part of being a responsible person, to weigh the positives and negatives on this type of thing and come to a correct conclusion, then have the strength to do the right thing. Your husband is choosing to ignore the obvious at YOUR expense. That's the epitome of selfishness. This story of yours is hard even for ME to read.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

The pet doesn't realize the point of a lengthy and painful treatment is to extend life, even if it is painful until the end. A dog doesn't really think that way, so it's actually more humane to let it go so it doesn't have to suffer like that.

However, it's not uncommon for people to think and act like their pets are like children. It's not surprising that feelings in someone's head could overlap like that. Anyone who is a pet owner can sympathize. But the challenge here is this: How do you get your husband to accept the treatment is too costly and alternatives should be pursued?

I'm not sure there's a good way to get him to change his mind. However, you can control your actions, so you should act as financially responsible as you can. He's not going to like it, but don't go into even more debt and create a whole new set of problems. What happens you can't make housing or rent payments and end up homeless without a car? Don't let it get to that point. If he wants to pay for treatment, let him find a way using his own money.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I'm one of those crazy people who feels my pets are like children. My husband does not form attachments to animals like I do. This can cause some strain in our marriage when things like this happen. 

I feel deeply for what your husband is going through. I am in a similar situation with one of my cats. It is gut wrenching. I have an 11 year old cat that likely has cancer... I thought I'd have many more years with her before I had to think about losing her (all the cats I've owned before have lived to around 20). Maybe your husband feels the same way. I am grieving right now and so upset that I can barely keep it together. Sounds crazy to be that way over an animal... but that's how I am with my pets. I will admit that my emotions are running high and my first instinct is "I don't care how much it costs, we need to save her!!". However... I am analytical enough that I know my gut reaction isn't necessarily the best reaction. I would bet your husband is in a similar state of mind. We do a lot of things that we might not otherwise do when in a crisis. You have a bit more emotional distance so you are able to see clearly... but please don't be too harsh on him because he does not have that ability to think clearly right now. It is born of his love for his dog, not malicious intent. 

Here's my view for whatever it is worth:

- The focus should be on quality of life for the dog, rather than treating or curing at all costs. I am sure your husband wants this too, but it can be very difficult to have honest conversations with the vet when they might give you answers that you don't want to hear. Especially if the dogs condition is currently dire. The vet may push for the surgery immediately, because they are only focused on fixing the problem in front of them, but it is your husband's responsibility to ask the vet what would happen if you didn't do X surgery or Y treatment. The answer might be - the dog will die. But when? How long do they have left without treatment? What will their life be like with and without treatment? What is surgery recovery like if we go through with the next surgery? What are the side effects of chemo? What are the odds that the dog will recover and beat the cancer? How much more time will this treatment give the dog (6 months? 5 years?)? The vet may hesitate to answer because they don't want to give any false promises, so when I ask these questions I couch it in "In your clinical experience, what have you seen happen with a dog of this age in this current condition....." I think if you focus your conversations with your husband on talking frankly about the dogs quality of life and not wanting it to suffer you might be able to get through to him better than just seeing red over the money spent. (You have a right to be angry about the money, btw, I'm just saying that you will likely win him over easier if you focus on the dog for the time being.)

- I don't know if you have been talking to the vet yourself, but I've been to so many different vets over the years with my pets and I've found some practices that really seem to be money pits. They push a lot of procedures and a lot of medication. If you feel that the vet is being pushy and isn't willing to answer questions like the ones I mentioned above, encourage him to get a second opinion. A vet should not shame you for considering the option to let the pet die a natural death rather than treat a terminal condition. I have come across vets who have made feel shameful when I say no to certain treatments and that can make you feel like garbage... like someone telling you that you are a bad parent. If anything like that is going on, it might be encouraging your husband to do any procedure that the vet recommends. 

- For the stuff you've already committed to, can you ask the vet if they have a payment plan available? 

You're going to have to have an honest, firm yet kind conversation with him to get him to snap back into reality. He is operating out of grief and panic right now, but he needs to understand the long term implications of the money he's spending. Saying goodbye to a pet is heart breaking, but it is going to hurt so much worse when the dog is gone and he's still got mountains of bills to pay from it. 


Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

pikes said:


> Newly married. My husband's dog was diagnosed with cancer over Christmas break. Yorkie poo, 13 years old.
> 
> We had quite a few disagreements regarding treatment. I felt he was old, and I didn't think it was wise to put us into debt, nor to put his dog through these treatments. Prognosis is poor. Emergency visit/ultrasounds already amounted to $3000. Surgery was another $5500, and possible chemo to follow.
> 
> ...


I'm a huge animal lover, son of a veterinary surgeon, and I'll copy what just about everyone else has said. Keeping a 13 year old animal alive by chemo and surgery is ridiculous. I wouldn't do it if the bill were going to be $50.

That poor old dog has no idea why it is going through all the pain and sickness, it's not like a person where the end justifies the means although I don't think you'd put a person at the equivalent age to that dog through chemo either.

I firmly believe in quality of life over quantity for an animal and doing what is best for the animal regardless of your own feelings. What your husband is doing is downright cruel in my book.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

The vets that even offer this are just thinking of the money they will make.

It criminal.

Seems like some vets prey on the hearts of people who love their pet to exploit their pocket book for their finiacial gain.


Sad.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*My Golden Retriever/Pyrenees, Mathias, is “my family” now that my boys have moved away!

He is a big puppy, not even a year old! If he got sick, I would do whatever I could to help him, but as an older dog, why subject him to all the pain and misery?

Having said that, my canine is my extended family, but my biological family comes first and foremost!*


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

@DustyDog , thanks for your personal perspective on Cancer treatment, It matches much of my fathers experience. Helps me in my own determination. @pikes , I've seen young couples spend much more than this on foolish things. You can survive this.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

pikes said:


> Newly married. My husband's dog was diagnosed with cancer over Christmas break. Yorkie poo, 13 years old.
> 
> We had quite a few disagreements regarding treatment. I felt he was old, and I didn't think it was wise to put us into debt, nor to put his dog through these treatments. Prognosis is poor. Emergency visit/ultrasounds already amounted to $3000. Surgery was another $5500, and possible chemo to follow.
> 
> ...


It sounds as though it's time for Mr. Compassionate to get himself a second job.

I completely understand the love we have for our animals, don't get me wrong. But let him put his proverbial money where his mouth is and go out and EARN the money to start paying down the mounting medical expenses.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

The hardest part of being a pet owner is having to be the one to decide "Today is the last day of your life." Unless the animal is taken by an animal predator, or killed suddenly in an accident, the humans in its life are going to have to make that difficult decision.

Right now we are sans pets. I'm kind of relieved because we have had to make that decision for too many aged pets in the last few years.

While I understand your husband's love for his dog, I believe he is attempting to manipulate you into allowing him to avoid making the most difficult decision to end the animal's life. His calling you "selfish" is only the tip of the iceberg of larger issues that you are slowly becoming aware of.


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## pikes (Nov 9, 2013)

Thank you all for your supportive responses. I agree that I did not share enough details last night when I first posted. Would it make a difference? This is just a tough time right now. I'm feeling torn, and guilty, and unfortunately, even resentful.

We have been married for a little over a year, but this is a second marriage for both of us, so no, we are not young. We're both in our early 40s. I have two kids from a previous marriage (7 and 13). We are currently renting a home. We both have decent-paying jobs and money going into our retirement, but we've got two car payments and two kids to support as well, so we are still living month to month. So yes, when we took his dog to the emergency room, our savings account was near empty. Neither of us had credit card debt coming into the marriage, but these last few months, things started to add up. So while I wouldn't call us a poor family, we certainly do not have the kind of money to pay for his dog's treatment either. He charged around $9000 worth of procedures on his credit card. That, on top of the credit card debt we already had. To avoid paying high interest, I refinanced my car to pay some of this off. We have a joint account, so no matter which way I look at it, it's going to affect the entire household.

I hope this paints a better picture. Maybe it will make a difference in responses. Maybe it won't. 

At the moment, we are struggling to talk to each other because we just don't see eye to eye on this. He would have resented me if I just "let" his dog die. He said to me when I expressed my concerns regarding expenses: "I can't just ball him up and toss him in the trash can." I may not be a pet owner/lover, but I do have compassion for animals. In my gut, I know that his dog is old and sick. I also know that we can't afford these treatments. The vet is currently waiting for my husband's permission to go forth with more testing.

I asked the vet yesterday why she is suggesting all of these procedures for a dog this old, and she said my husband went to her for options, so her job is to give him options. Maybe she is right?

Anyhow, thank you for listening. I was shocked to come home to find this many responses here. I didn't think anyone would be interested in reading about a family's woes with a dying dog, much less respond. But I appreciate it.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

pikes said:


> Thank you all for your supportive responses. I agree that I did not share enough details last night when I first posted. Would it make a difference? This is just a tough time right now. I'm feeling torn, and guilty, and unfortunately, even resentful.
> 
> We have been married for a little over a year, but this is a second marriage for both of us, so no, we are not young. We're both in our early 40s. I have two kids from a previous marriage (7 and 13). We are currently renting a home. We both have decent-paying jobs and money going into our retirement, but we've got two car payments and two kids to support as well, so we are still living month to month. So yes, when we took his dog to the emergency room, our savings account was near empty. Neither of us had credit card debt coming into the marriage, but these last few months, things started to add up. So while I wouldn't call us a poor family, we certainly do not have the kind of money to pay for his dog's treatment either. He charged around $9000 worth of procedures on his credit card. That, on top of the credit card debt we already had. To avoid paying high interest, I refinanced my car to pay some of this off. We have a joint account, so no matter which way I look at it, it's going to affect the entire household.
> 
> ...


Look, I completely get the money situation and how that is the priority for you. But, trying to reason with your husband from that point of view is going to get you nowhere fast. Attempting to reason with him from the point of view of what is best for the dog is the only way to make any headway. And, really, it sounds like it is already too late on the money part, since he's already charged up ridiculous amounts of money in cruel treatments for an animal he claims to love so much. 

In your shoes, I would be beyond angry and resentful, more because he is so blindly selfish he would perpetrate what I consider to be abuse on this poor creature than because of the money, but yeah, the money would make me nearly as angry because he did it unilaterally and selfishly. Your husband sounds like a completely self-involved jerk according to what is written here and I am hoping he has other redeeming qualities to make it worth you staying in this marriage. The sort of selfishness he is displaying is disturbing and I would be rethinking my decision to stay with him.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

pikes said:


> Thank you all for your supportive responses. I agree that I did not share enough details last night when I first posted. Would it make a difference? This is just a tough time right now. I'm feeling torn, and guilty, and unfortunately, even resentful.
> 
> We have been married for a little over a year, but this is a second marriage for both of us, so no, we are not young. We're both in our early 40s. I have two kids from a previous marriage (7 and 13). We are currently renting a home. We both have decent-paying jobs and money going into our retirement, but we've got two car payments and two kids to support as well, so we are still living month to month. So yes, when we took his dog to the emergency room, our savings account was near empty. Neither of us had credit card debt coming into the marriage, but these last few months, things started to add up. So while I wouldn't call us a poor family, we certainly do not have the kind of money to pay for his dog's treatment either. He charged around $9000 worth of procedures on his credit card. That, on top of the credit card debt we already had. To avoid paying high interest, I refinanced my car to pay some of this off. We have a joint account, so no matter which way I look at it, it's going to affect the entire household.
> 
> ...


Last I checked, when a ship is sinking(pup with more than likely incurable cancer), it is women and children first. $10k plus credit card debit is darn near impossible to pay off. Specifically if you are making minimum payments. Your H really does not understand how a household runs financially. 

shestillgotit nailed it on the head. Your H needs to find secondary work to pay this bill. At present the debt is pulling food, clothing and activities from the children. 

The vet only did what was asked. I can not find fault there. However, with our pup with cancer there was no doubt left from the vet that it was incurable. Steroids was only a crutch that will give out in a 2-3 months. There was not false hope.

I would suggest next time with anything that concerning spending big bucks conversation is had and joint agreement made. It appears your H did not care for opinion with the elderly dog. 

At this junction I hope you H realizes there will be said, "No" for a long time coming when things such as dinner and a movie are not in the budget. The family become house poor as a result of excessive debt. My W and I have been that at a very young age. We learned our lesson. It was a big hole that took years to get out of.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

While I can totally understand irrationally loving your pet too much, the fact that he didn't get you on board before spending so much is troubling. I suspect these kinds of money issues will pop up in the future. I'm sure other people in his life will need his financial support at some point (parents, kids, etc). You may need to have a discussion that anything that puts you in debt requires joint agreement. 

As for this incident, can you restructure the debt so that it's just in his name? Like transfer it to a credit card in his name. Tell him that he can spend as much as he likes on his dog, but it's up to him to pay for it. 

Because of his financial habits, you should not have all your money in shared accounts. You should have a shared account for household expenses and then each of you have an individual account for discretionary spending that you can spend on whatever you like. So if he wants to buy a car for his mom, it comes out of his account.

*A general question for the TAM horde*: Is it possible for married couples to setup debt in only one spouse's name? Typically both assets and debts are shared no matter whose name it's under. But in a case like this, can the H put the debt just in his name and it would stay that way if they ever had to split up?


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Our dog was 15 when we decided to have her pts. She was in a bad way, could barely walk to the end of the drive, deaf and going blind. We had tried various meds to help her and they only slowed down the inevitable. When we decided the time was right we took her to the vets to have her humanely euthanized. I was gob smacked that the vet was still offering us expensive treatment to prolong her life further. Although we had made up our mind that she had been given an brilliant life and her quality of life was now poor, we still felt guilty for not giving it one last try.

Vets are a business like any other. They will keep administering treatment until the money dries up. Its not an easy decision to make though and I think you need to be compassionate to your H at this difficult time. x


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@wilson Any debt incurred after marriage is considered marital debt, even if it is only in one person's name. If he chooses to go into debt over this, it's her debt, too, whether she likes it or not.

The only loophole the @pikes might be able to take advantage of is one a lawyer advised me of when I was researching options for leaving my now ex-husband. He wanted to buy a restaurant, taking on considerable debt to do so, which would also necessitate our moving to another state. He could go ahead and borrow the money without my consent, and if he did so before we were divorced, I would be on the hook for that debt--but I would also own half a restaurant. Neither of which I wanted. She said the only way to protect myself in this instance was to inform him in writing (email would suffice) that I did not endorse or approve him borrowing money for a restaurant, and I wanted nothing to do with it. Even in this scenario, my credit wasn't protected as long as we were still married, and it was only protection insomuch as I could present that to the judge in divorce proceedings and request that full ownership and all debt for this venture be allotted to my XH, and that still depends on the goodwill of the judge (which the lawyer assured me that there was only a very small chance that the judge wouldn't rule in my favor). However, this move also would have protected my XH, because that written statement also would have protected him from me trying to take the restaurant in the divorce.

So I don't think that loophole would help the OP.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@pikes I've actually been through something very similar with my boyfriend, not even two months ago.

I'm like you, I've had pets, and I have loved them and was sad when they passed, but I've never fully understood the attachment bond that some people form with their pets, and Real Estate (my BF, or RE for short) was VERY attached to his Frenchie, Flower. Flower was already 11 years old when I met RE 2 yrs ago, so I knew that she didn't have too many years left. He loved her more than anything or anyone else in the world. She was his best friend, and she had been by his side through some of the most difficult times in his life, including his divorce and both his parents passing. He would do anything for this dog.

About a year ago, she had a hiatal hernia that had to be corrected through surgery (which was a very difficult time for RE), which he spent several thousand dollars on, and after which she seemed to recover well, but could no longer eat solid foods (RE had to puree all her food). Even so, she still had a pretty good quality of life, but occasionally she would throw up if he didn't put enough water in the food to thin it out. Right after Thanksgiving, one day she started throwing up, and she couldn't stop, even when there was no food in her stomach, and he rushed her to the vet, and they did an emergency surgery, which cost $8000. (RE had just managed to pay off ALL his debt, but he had no cash, so of course this went on a credit card.) His SIL flipped out on his when she learned how much he spent. 

Flower seemed to be recovering, but then there was a complication, then another, then another. RE asked the vet what they could do for Flower, and basically they would have to do multiple procedures, for each of which Flower's chances of surviving was very slim, and they couldn't guarantee that she would have a good quality of life after that, or how much longer she would be expected to live after. (Keep in mind, by this point, Flower is 13 y 4 mos old, which is REALLY old for a Frenchie.) His first reaction was for them to do whatever it would take for them to keep her alive, but they advised that he sleep on it and see how she did overnight.

I didn't force my opinion on him, or tell him what he should do. But he did ask my opinion, and this is what I told him:

"I know how much you love Flower, and how much she means to you. She's stayed by your side through everything over the last 13 years, and has been there for you in your darkest moments. I know you would do anything for her, because she's the most important thing in your life, and I know you're not ready to say goodbye to her. We're never ready. But you need to think about what is best for her right now. That is how you can best love her and care for her right now. She is very sick and she is in pain right now. You could have the vet do all these procedures, but is that really the best thing for her? Any one of these procedures could very easily end her life, and it will be all for nothing, it just would have prolonged her pain and suffering. And even worse, if that happens, she will die alone in the vet's office. And we both know that she deserves better than that. And even if she survives all these procedures, which is unlikely, will she have a good quality of life? These are the things you need to think about. You want to do all these procedures, but that's because you are scared to say goodbye and to let her go. These procedures are for you, and not for her. They will be awful for her, and she doesn't understand what's happening."

I think you need to say something like this to your husband. Set aside the financial argument for now. Appeal to his emotional side and his love for his dog to help him decide to do the right thing. He needs to know that you empathize with the pain that he is feeling right now, and that you understand what he is going through. This is traumatic for him. he needs your love and support right now, not your criticism.

You still need to talk about the financial thing, because it is disconcerting that he would go against your wishes to put the family further in debt for something very selfish that would actually be bad for his dog. People make bad decisions when they are emotional.

Best of luck going through this. **hugs**


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Oh, BTW... my BF did the right thing. I went with him the next day and did my best to comfort him while they put her to sleep. THAT is another story.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

peacem said:


> Our dog was 15 when we decided to have her pts. She was in a bad way, could barely walk to the end of the drive, deaf and going blind. We had tried various meds to help her and they only slowed down the inevitable. When we decided the time was right we took her to the vets to have her humanely euthanized. I was gob smacked that the vet was still offering us expensive treatment to prolong her life further. Although we had made up our mind that she had been given an brilliant life and her quality of life was now poor, we still felt guilty for not giving it one last try.
> 
> Vets are a business like any other. They will keep administering treatment until the money dries up. Its not an easy decision to make though and I think you need to be compassionate to your H at this difficult time. x


RE and I were lucky. They were not pushing additional treatments for Flower on us. They were very compassionate.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

I only read the thread title and my answer is:

"Man, a family getting into debt for having the dog put to sleep? That's rough!"


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

"I love my dog so much, I'm going to put him through painful surgeries and very invasive, painful chemotherapies, just to keep him alive a while longer for me."

Yeah. Just feel the love, there.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I'm an animal lover but don't own any at the moment as we don't have the space for it.

I don't agree, however, putting the needs of a pet above those of the humans in the household. The more in debt you guys get, the less possible that you will be able to provide a roof even for the dog. Imagine a homeless shelter for pets coming around for your dog .... still making you liable for the chemo treatment...... while you two are still on the street still liable for the debt created to take care of the dog.

See it all gets so circular.

I didn't have direct conversations before either of my marriages about this matter but I guess this must be on the list of things to discuss.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

pikes said:


> Thank you all for your supportive responses. I agree that I did not share enough details last night when I first posted. Would it make a difference? This is just a tough time right now. I'm feeling torn, and guilty, and unfortunately, even resentful.
> 
> We have been married for a little over a year, but this is a second marriage for both of us, so no, we are not young. We're both in our early 40s. I have two kids from a previous marriage (7 and 13). We are currently renting a home. We both have decent-paying jobs and money going into our retirement, but we've got two car payments and two kids to support as well, so we are still living month to month. So yes, when we took his dog to the emergency room, our savings account was near empty. Neither of us had credit card debt coming into the marriage, but these last few months, things started to add up. So while I wouldn't call us a poor family, we certainly do not have the kind of money to pay for his dog's treatment either. He charged around $9000 worth of procedures on his credit card. That, on top of the credit card debt we already had. To avoid paying high interest, I refinanced my car to pay some of this off. We have a joint account, so no matter which way I look at it, it's going to affect the entire household.
> 
> ...



You seem to have united TAM with this one. Even the moderators can't manage that!!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I'm an animal lover but don't own any at the moment as we don't have the space for it.
> 
> I don't agree, however, putting the needs of a pet above those of the humans in the household. The more in debt you guys get, the less possible that you will be able to provide a roof even for the dog. Imagine a homeless shelter for pets coming around for your dog .... still making you liable for the chemo treatment...... while you two are still on the street still liable for the debt created to take care of the dog.
> 
> ...


But he isn't putting the needs of a pet over his family.

He is putting his own, selfish needs over his family and also over his pet.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

One principle that financial planners advise these days is to first get yourself (and your spouse) settled in an earning, spending and saving patter that you can live with it. That is, you're meeting your goals in contributing to your retirement fund and other goals ..... home, etc. ...... then you start spending money on other people ......kids, parents, pets......

This is probably a good principle to use as a standard when having that pre marital discussion about money.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

Without pet insurance, your decisions are your own. I am soo very sorry that your pet had to go though all this while putting your family in debt.

I'd do anything for my several dogs. Yet when they're in pain, there comes a time when you need to respect when they tell you it's their time ti go. It's never easy..EVER..as I've lost more than a few to the Rainbow Bridge and count my blessings that they went peacefully.

If you want to do things like the original poster..then by all means when getting a puppy, invest in pet insurance so that when bad things happen, the insurance will cover it.

However, if you want to own a dog/cat, etc and just plan to let them get painfully ill while spending tons of money trying to make them well again..let them either go to the Rainbow Bridge through euthanasia..or let them die peacefully at home.

I've been down both roads unfortunately. Neither was easy but my heart and love for my furbabies was at the utmost.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

We have 4 dogs, 3 cats and 3 bunnies. We just spent close to $5k on vet specialist treatment for our 10 year old dog. That wasn't for cancer treatment though - after watching my dad suffer horrendously through chemo, there's no way I would subject a pet to that, be they 3 or 13 years old.

OP you're approaching this completely the wrong way with your husband. You're making it all about the money. Make it about the dog, and his/her quality of life. Going through chemo there won't be much of that I can assure you. Make it about accepting the end of life is coming for the little dog, and spoiling him/her, making the most of the time you have left. Take money right out of the equation.

If my husband approached me the way you're approaching this with yours, the discussion wouldn't end well.


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## TheOriginalAlphaOmega (Nov 16, 2017)

Oh man...

I can see both sides of this dilemma. the quote, "A dog is a man's best friend" was created out of experience. Your husband wants to keep one of his best friends around for some more time. I get that. I guess, although it's not in the same level, he would stretch thick and thin, on finding ways to keep you or anyone of his close family alive, whatever the cost. Right now he is just emotional...filled with panic and grief...on what's going on with his friend.

From experience....I came home to my dog vomiting up blood...and snorting out blood from the nose. From the look of the house...it must have been going on all day. My dog was also about 14 years old. I knew he was old...and susceptible to all those old dog issues of depleting health.

I rushed him to the Vet...and they indicated it was most likely cancer. I could do some lengthy therapy and treatment, but it was going to be expensive. Very expensive.

After some time to think, which the Vet left me alone in the room with my old doggy friend for about 15 minutes...I decided that all that therapy was just going to delay the inevitable. The poor old dog....my friend....was just done.

I stayed in the room while they euthanized my friend...and gave him some last hugs and love while he slipped away. And he gave me one last lick on the face while I stayed with him those last moments.

It was terribly hard. I think I cried like a baby for days after. But in the end, I think it was the right decision. He gave me years and years of unconditional love...and I had no wish to prolong his pain and discomfort.

God bless you on this. I hope you can find a way to get through both the financial and emotional stress this is putting you both through. There's no easy answer to this question...but I hope you find a loving compromise.


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## pikes (Nov 9, 2013)

Thank you again for all of your responses. 

Just to update, the dog is recovering well from the surgery. He had intestinal cancer, so they had to go in, remove it, and reattach his intestines. They also found a mass on his liver which they removed. He gets his stitches removed on Monday. The vet said it was the best kind of cancer he could get (can't remember the name) -- less likely to come back. So he may have another one to two years. But you never know. The dog is 13, after all. For my husband's sake, I hope he will get those years. 

I am also hoping that he does not agree to more testing and more treatment, something the vet has already approached us with. Considering the vet said it was the best outcome we could expect, I am bewildered as to why she would continue to offer more testing. So, we'll see what happens when Monday comes. I spoke to the vet privately and told her where I stood on the situation. I told her we simply could not afford to do anymore. And how she responded, I guess I can agree with: "This is a conversation that you need to have with your husband." I just asked her to give my husband the "other" option also, which is just to let the dog live out its last days. 

We've only been married for a little over a year, but we've been together for three and a half years. This is our first real bump in the road. We will get through this. I know right now he is making decisions based on his emotions. I also know that we will not be getting another dog.

I do hope now that seeing what he is willing to do for his dog, when it comes to my own two kids, he will be willing to make the same sacrifices.


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## pikes (Nov 9, 2013)

frusdil said:


> We have 4 dogs, 3 cats and 3 bunnies. We just spent close to $5k on vet specialist treatment for our 10 year old dog. That wasn't for cancer treatment though - after watching my dad suffer horrendously through chemo, there's no way I would subject a pet to that, be they 3 or 13 years old.
> 
> OP you're approaching this completely the wrong way with your husband. You're making it all about the money. Make it about the dog, and his/her quality of life. Going through chemo there won't be much of that I can assure you. Make it about accepting the end of life is coming for the little dog, and spoiling him/her, making the most of the time you have left. Take money right out of the equation.
> 
> If my husband approached me the way you're approaching this with yours, the discussion wouldn't end well.


I tried. I said all of the things you mentioned. But he insisted his dog was healthy until it got cancer. He is a bit in denial about how old his dog is. He does not believe this is the end of his dog's life. Believe it or not, he and his vet never discussed the dog's age. I am the only person who keeps bringing it up. I'm not a doctor, but I just thought that age would be one of the biggest considerations when undergoing such invasive procedures.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The typical life span of a yorkie-poo is 14 years. Your husband is being ridiculous.

eta: and cruel


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Putting a loved one down is very traumatic. I have cried at all my dogs being put down except for one (he went from fun and happy to thrashing all around in pain. It was more painful to watch him suffer than to releave his pain. Darn it. I'm tearing up over that thought. It's amazing how those big dumb animals can elicit such emotions)



TheOriginalAlphaOmega said:


> He gave me years and years of unconditional love...and I had no wish to prolong his pain and discomfort.


This is a very important statement that I wish all pet owners should really be set upon.


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