# What is rejection?



## Nine-E (Oct 7, 2008)

Despite the fact that I tried to initiate sex several times a week for 20 years and was turned down (without explanation), and despite the fact that she would often comment "you're ALWAYS horny, aren't you?" and I would answer "yes!", I've been told by my wife that our 20 years of sexlessness was NOT a result of her rejecting me all this time. 

So if that's not rejection, what in the world DOES constitute rejection? 

I asked my wife in couples counseling a few months ago. Here's how the conversation went (recounted from memory). What do you think? Was I wrong to feel rejected all those years?

_Wife: He keeps telling me that when I lost interest in sex that it was a total complete rejection, and it was NOT on my part, at all. If I start a new job and I lose interest in sex for a while ‘cause I’m overwhelmed with my new job and he goes back into depression because I profoundly rejected him, it’s not going to be okay. I don’t want to live like that. 

Nine-E: If I only had a compassionate explanation from you like “I’m sorry, but my job is really stressing me out right now, I can’t relax enough to be physical with you. Give me some time. Keep trying every now and then and we’ll see how it goes” would be all it would take for me, rather than just silent rejection.

Wife: But it’s not rejection. It wasn’t 20 years ago. It wasn’t 15 years ago. It wasn’t 10 years ago. It has never been rejection. You have chosen to interpret it that way, but it has never been rejection on my part. Ever.

Nine-E: So when the novelty for sex wore off 20 years ago, and you just weren’t interested anymore, what was that?

Wife: The novelty wore off and I just wasn’t that interested anymore, pure and simple.

Nine-E: How is that not rejection?

Wife: It’s not!

Nine-E: The novelty didn’t wear off for me. It wore off for you so you said “no" when I tried to initiate sex...

Wife: Yeah.

Nine-E: …and that’s rejection.

Wife: No it’s not.

Nine-E: What is it?

Wife: It’s losing interest in sex. It has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t change how I feel towards you or my emotional commitment to you. It never did change it. Ever.
_

How is that not rejection??? And if it's not, what the heck WOULD constitute rejection?

:scratchhead:


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

she has no drive, you have high drive, you lose. several men and women on here are living it, its a nightmare


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## rainbows (Jun 29, 2010)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rainbows (Jun 29, 2010)

Feeling rejected, unless your spouse has openly said "I reject you" is only how you are interpreting it. YOU feel rejected, but your wife is adamantly telling you she isn't rejecting you. You are interpreting her not wanting sex as rejection, when it really is just that she's not interested in it. I get what she's saying but I also get what you're saying. Sorry...it sucks. Maybe if she just does it anyways she'll enjoy it once you start? I get like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Rejection is I don't want to have sex with you because I don't like you, you are a disgusting pig.


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## LoveLostHusband (Jul 24, 2010)

Nine-E said:


> Despite the fact that I tried to initiate sex several times a week for 20 years and was turned down (without explanation), and despite the fact that she would often comment "you're ALWAYS horny, aren't you?" and I would answer "yes!", I've been told by my wife that our 20 years of sexlessness was NOT a result of her rejecting me all this time.
> 
> So if that's not rejection, what in the world DOES constitute rejection?
> 
> ...


This is similar to what I am going through....just not for 20 years. My wife and I have been married for 5 years and she comes up to me about 7 months ago and says she's not as "in-live" with me as she once was and she's not sexually attracted to me emotionally or passionately anymore. Difference is that my wife still has a sex drive just not for me which really really hurts.

Do you and your wife not have sex at all or is it just few and far between? Maybe a compromise can be made between you and your wife of once a month she agrees to attempt to try to get in the mood for your sake. If she still loves you then I don't see her denying sacrifcing one night a month for you considering you've been sacrificing for her for the last 20 years.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

It would be rare to find any High Drive spouse who wouldn't take it / feel it /internalize it as blatent "Rejection"- as obviously, even if she does not get much out of it, she KNOWS you do & simply doesn't find that important enough - knowing you are solely dependent on her for these needs. 


Urban Dictionary: rejection


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

So your wife is saying that beccause she isnt saying "I reject you" she isnt? That simply saying no when you initiate with her isnt rejection. I thought rejection was simply turning someone down...

so I looked up rejection and it directed me to "rejecting" and here is the definition by M Webster:

Main Entry: 1re·ject 
Pronunciation: \ri-ˈjekt\
Function: transitive verb 
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin rejectus, past participle of reicere, from re- + jacere to throw — more at jet
Date: 15th century
1 a : to refuse to accept, consider, submit to, take for some purpose, or use <rejected the suggestion> <reject a manuscript> b : to refuse to hear, receive, or admit : rebuff, repel <parents who reject their children> c : to refuse as lover or spouse
2 obsolete : to cast off
3 : throw back, repulse
4 : to spew out
5 : to subject to immunological rejection

synonyms see decline

— re·ject·er or re·jec·tor \-ˈjek-tər\ noun 

— re·ject·ing·ly \-tiŋ-lē\ adverb 

— re·jec·tive \-ˈjek-tiv\ adjective 


Sounds to me like your wife and my husband and many others on here are in fact being rejected and the rejectors are making excuses for it!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I want to know what your therapist's comments were.

Paint this crap with whatever brush you want. It's rejection. She marginalized your desire to be intimate, and she is marginalizing her responsibility for choosing not to be intimate. 

She's claiming it's not personal. If it's not personal it's not rejection in her frame of reference. Her ambivalence to acknowledge that consistently saying 'no' is harmful to the relationship is unfortunate. Your willingness to accept her ambivalence is equally unfortunate.

Don't get bogged down in trying to win the point on this - because making her see that it IS rejection, when all is said and done, still doesn't help you.

What is more important is being open to discovering how YOUR behavior contributed to her lack of attraction to you and disinterest in sex with you.


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## LoveLostHusband (Jul 24, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Rejection is I don't want to have sex with you because I don't like you, you are a disgusting pig.


This...

If your wife still shows love and affection towards you(i.e. Hugging/Kissing, snuggling in bed, or even taking the initiative to hold your hand without you making the first move) then its not so much rejection as its just a lack of a sex drive. But if she isn't initiating the kissing/hugging/hand holding ever then there might be some form of rejection going on.


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## LoveLostHusband (Jul 24, 2010)

Deejo said:


> I want to know what your therapist's comments were.
> 
> Paint this crap with whatever brush you want. It's rejection. She marginalized your desire to be intimate, and she is marginalizing her responsibility for choosing not to be intimate.
> 
> ...


I totally agree with this statement here. Don't get hung up on whether its rejection or not...what I would be concerned with is the fact that she isn't willing to see how much constantly saying NO is hurting you is the real issue imo.

That is similar to what my wife has started to put me through and hopefully the therapist can make her see this point before it starts to breach into the "bitterness" stage.


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## Nine-E (Oct 7, 2008)

This was an exchange from a few months ago and progress has been made since then. After years of therapy including a year with our most recent and most effective therapist, she has come to realize how hurtful it is to me to reject my sexual advances. She is now happy to have sex with me whenever I want it, and expects that I will reciprocate by "filling her tank" as she puts it, which means attending to her love language as much as she attends to mine. This whole arrangement is only about two weeks old so we'll see how it evolves, but for now things are much much better. 

So I'm not trying to paint the picture that physical intimacy is still a struggle for her. We've moved beyond that. I just wanted your take on the meaning of rejection, and whether I was off base feeling that way. 

I think it comes down to how we define rejection. Her definition is obviously different from mine.

BTW, the therapist agreed that it wasn't rejection coming from my wife, but that my _feeling _of being rejected was valid because my love language needs weren't being met.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Nine-E said:


> BTW, the therapist agreed that it wasn't rejection coming from my wife, but that my _feeling _of being rejected was valid because my love language needs weren't being met.


Ah yes. I should have suspected a typical "nobody is right or wrong, but we are entitled to our feelings." kind of therapist BS answer. I always enjoyed calling those out. Understandably, therapists walk a tightrope of guiding the parties to a solution without blaming one or the other.

Meh, if it worked out then who really cares? I'm happy you're getting laid, and your wife isn't REJECTING you any more. :woohoo:


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Deejo said:


> Ah yes. I should have suspected a typical "nobody is right or wrong, but we are entitled to our feelings." kind of therapist BS answer. I always enjoyed calling those out. Understandably, therapists walk a tightrope of guiding the parties to a solution without blaming one or the other.
> 
> Meh, if it worked out then who really cares? I'm happy you're getting laid, and your wife isn't REJECTING you any more. :woohoo:


:yay:


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Rejection is I don't want to have sex with you because I don't like you, you are a disgusting pig.


That is an extreme and hostile example of rejection but it is not the only form of rejection.

What the OP's wife is doing is not taking responsibility for her disinterest in sex with him. The impact of her broad spectrum lack of sexual interest is specific to him because her disinterest prevents any faithful sexual expression in his marriage.

I'll bet she would be annoyed if he sought sex elsewhere despite refusing him.


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## Nine-E (Oct 7, 2008)

Deejo said:


> Meh, if it worked out then who really cares? I'm happy you're getting laid, and your wife isn't REJECTING you any more. :woohoo:


I'm happy too. Well, I'm happier, anyway. There are still issues in the marriage to resolve. Really important ones. But at this point that walking on eggshells edge that's been the hallmark of our marriage for years is gone. And that is a good thing.

But I am concerned that when she starts working again in the fall it will all come crumbling down. She will be too stressed for sex and I'll be unhappy again. She keeps telling me that if I expect it to happen then it _will _happen. So I'm trying to go with the flow for now and not get too worked up about the near future.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

LoveLostHusband said:


> This...


I guess I should have used sarcasm indicator of some kind. I thought it was obvious!


The whole conversation between the two of them was completely pointless. He needs to stop telling her what SHE meant. And she needs to start listening to HIS needs. Instead they are both arguing over who is RIGHT which is almost never useful.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> I guess I should have used sarcasm indicator of some kind. I thought it was obvious!
> 
> 
> The whole conversation between the two of them was completely pointless. He needs to stop telling her what SHE meant. And she needs to start listening to HIS needs. Instead they are both arguing over who is RIGHT which is almost never useful.


Agreed! Arguing over who is right is NEVER useful...


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## sorrysole (Jan 20, 2011)

Man I never come to these sites but it breaks my heart to see so many people have similar issues to me. I've been married for 29 years and been rejected many many times. What your wife is doing is simply deliberate hurtful rejection (unless she is an idiot and doesnt understand men at all).

The problem with the solution you have where your wife simply agrees to have sex although she doesn't want to will soon turn into a major issue. What will happen as it happened to me is you will resent her for not really wanting you but simply play acting. The previous rejection has done long term damage and you will find yourself being happy with the physical side but in quiet times drifting back to review how much she hurt you and why would someone who loved you do such a thing over such a long period.

Marriage in the end is a contract between two people that has a foundation that both parties must meet the other parties physical and emotional needs (and want to do that not just tolerate the needs). If this foundation isnt met then really you don't have a marriage and it might be better to find someone who wants to honestly meet those needs.

BTW your therapist is a fool - rejection is rejection if its occasional its part of life, if it happens regularly over a long period of time its not just hurtful it is emotionally damaging and not just to the marriage but to your whole well being. I ask you this after your wife rejects you do you feel sometimes that the issue is that your not desirable, bet you do. She know this and therefore is deliberately being hurtful.

Be smarter than I was in trying to change your partner (it will never happen) and carefully weigh up all your choices one of which is not to remain in the situation.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

SORRYSOLE---

my husband were heading down this road. we were ok with sex sometimes, but it was years and years of resentment.

he assocaited oral with initmacy and i linked straight sex with closeness.

i would "reject" him sometimes just flat out saying no, sometimes not. he would withhold sex from me. we would go around in a vicious pattern.

we just had to have a painful talk one day, and got it all out in the open and said whats intimate for him and for me.

we worked out, i could be interested in BJs again [i still did them, but with attitude and resentement], i would like to be in the mood, maybe a little nipple play or hair petting, and touching.

i also said i would like to have a chance to show and prove i take his feelings into consideration. i would like to be the one to bring it up, or to just unzip the zipper first. let me have a little say so.

you just have to take that first step to have that conversation with the other person who dosent want to talk about it, but in the end will be gald for it.

i hope this was not to all over the place...


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

What is rejection?

In my marriage, me begging my husband for sex and him turning to the computer...sad, but true.

I hope things continue to work out for you.


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## Nine-E (Oct 7, 2008)

sorrysole said:


> What your wife is doing is simply deliberate hurtful rejection (unless she is an idiot and doesnt understand men at all).
> 
> The problem with the solution you have where your wife simply agrees to have sex although she doesn't want to will soon turn into a major issue...
> 
> Marriage in the end is a contract between two people that has a foundation that both parties must meet the other parties physical and emotional needs (and want to do that not just tolerate the needs). If this foundation isnt met then really you don't have a marriage and it might be better to find someone who wants to honestly meet those needs.


And that is exactly what has happened. I don't want to be just accommodated. I want the desire to work both ways. It doesn't. The last few times I felt totally unfulfilled. Now I've stopped trying to have sex with her altogether, and it's been about 4 months now with no sex. Currently, the thought of having sex with her kind of frightens me. It would be disingenuous to approach her for sex at this point, since I don't really want it from her anymore. 

Finding someone who honestly wants to meet my needs has been a fantasy for years. I'm finally starting to think that it shouldn't be just a fantasy anymore.


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## DennisNLA (Jan 26, 2010)

Nine-E said:


> And that is exactly what has happened. I don't want to be just accommodated. I want the desire to work both ways. It doesn't. The last few times I felt totally unfulfilled. Now I've stopped trying to have sex with her altogether, and it's been about 4 months now with no sex. Currently, the thought of having sex with her kind of frightens me. It would be disingenuous to approach her for sex at this point, since I don't really want it from her anymore.
> 
> Finding someone who honestly wants to meet my needs has been a fantasy for years. I'm finally starting to think that it shouldn't be just a fantasy anymore.


Hi Nine

You and I are in about the same spot. I am so sorry for you. After my son was born, we went into a once a month routine for 15 years. Occasionally a bit more, sometimes less. 

About two years ago my I had issues with ruptured and herniated lower discs. I went about three months of just not wanting to have sex because of the pain it would cause. We had not done non penetration sex since her first pregnancy so I did not even try for that. I started to loose my depression about rejection as I no longer had expectations for sex from her. Now this is not a solution, I do not expect to be celibate for the rest of my life, but figuring out that part of my emotional needs of having sex is that my partner is opening up her body to share and make me happy. I now know that she is incapable of meeting this need. I know that I will need to end this marriage and will do this on my terms. 

We did it one more time in Nov 2009 on our anniversary. I felt very dirty afterwards for the first time in my life. Since then we went through issues with her not working. I thought this was the solution, but she got a job, I tried to reconcile, she rejected me one final time and through counseling I will never let her do that to me again. My son moves out this summer for College. I am working on getting closer to my D15 because it will be a shock in her life, but the answer may be finding a new partner. We have one shot at life, do not settle for 2nd best.

Dennis


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Deejo said:


> I want to know what your therapist's comments were.
> 
> Paint this crap with whatever brush you want. It's rejection. She marginalized your desire to be intimate, and she is marginalizing her responsibility for choosing not to be intimate.
> 
> ...


Of course it's personal. Sex is the most personal thing there is, and if she's rejecting him sexually, it's personal. There's no way it can't be.

And I think making her see, at least, that you perceive her 20 years of not having sex with you as rejection is vital. If she can't help you process those profound feelings of rejection with some recognition and understanding, then there's really no point in continuing the farce. Regardless of what she intended, she made you feel rejected. That's a key issue, and until she comes to terms with that there's no point in going further.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Deejo said:


> Ah yes. I should have suspected a typical "nobody is right or wrong, but we are entitled to our feelings." kind of therapist BS answer. I always enjoyed calling those out. Understandably, therapists walk a tightrope of guiding the parties to a solution without blaming one or the other.
> 
> Meh, if it worked out then who really cares? I'm happy you're getting laid, and your wife isn't REJECTING you any more. :woohoo:


My wife and I had a GREAT therapist. We went for an initial visit pre-wedding, for a kind of benchmark, then two years later when we hit a wall, and sporadically since. She wasn't the touchy-feely type. When we both gave our private stories, and then came back into the room together, the first words out of her mouth to my wife were: *"why the hell aren't you sleeping with this man? I know six women I could call today who would be more than happy to take him off your hands and f*&^ him eight ways from Sunday. You wanted to be his wife . . . so be his damn wife and quit acting like such a damn princess!"*

Best. Counselor. Ever.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

IanIronwood said:


> My wife and I had a GREAT therapist. We went for an initial visit pre-wedding, for a kind of benchmark, then two years later when we hit a wall, and sporadically since. She wasn't the touchy-feely type. When we both gave our private stories, and then came back into the room together, the first words out of her mouth to my wife were: *"why the hell aren't you sleeping with this man? I know six women I could call today who would be more than happy to take him off your hands and f*&^ him eight ways from Sunday. You wanted to be his wife . . . so be his damn wife and quit acting like such a damn princess!"*
> 
> Best. Counselor. Ever.


I have one that's similar. Told me to shove sunshine up my own ass at the last visit.

These are the best kind - straight, to the point, no BS and tell it like it is.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Nine-E said:


> I'm happy too. Well, I'm happier, anyway. There are still issues in the marriage to resolve. Really important ones. But at this point that walking on eggshells edge that's been the hallmark of our marriage for years is gone. And that is a good thing.
> 
> But I am concerned that when she starts working again in the fall it will all come crumbling down. She will be too stressed for sex and I'll be unhappy again. She keeps telling me that if I expect it to happen then it _will _happen. So I'm trying to go with the flow for now and not get too worked up about the near future.



Then tell her you're going to start expecting twice as much sex, then. If you _expect_ it to happen, it _will_ happen. 

I'm only half-joking here. I think men do a lot better in a relationship when they make it clear to their wives that they expect sex to be a regular part of a complete breakfast. 

And if she thinks she'll be more stressed at her new job in the Fall now, just ask her to imagine all that stress . . . with a surly, angry, sullen and brooding spouse to come home to.


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## Nine-E (Oct 7, 2008)

IanIronwood said:


> Then tell her you're going to start expecting twice as much sex, then. If you _expect_ it to happen, it _will_ happen.
> 
> ...
> 
> And if she thinks she'll be more stressed at her new job in the Fall now, just ask her to imagine all that stress . . . with a surly, angry, sullen and brooding spouse to come home to.


Okay, I chuckled a bit when I read that. You make some GREAT points. 

However, from her point of view, if I'm surly, angry, sullen, or brooding due to lack of sex, then that is a problem for ME, not her. She just can't understand how sex could be so important, and feels that if it IS that important then I should go to counseling to help me get over it.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Nine-E said:


> Okay, I chuckled a bit when I read that. You make some GREAT points.
> 
> However, from her point of view, if I'm surly, angry, sullen, or brooding due to lack of sex, then that is a problem for ME, not her. She just can't understand how sex could be so important, and feels that if it IS that important then I should go to counseling to help me get over it.


Well, make it her problem. You can't have sex without her (without cheating) and lack of sex is making you grumpy, so if she gets sick of you being grumpy all the time maybe she'll clue in. If not, start leaving brochures entitled "SO YOU'RE THINKING OF DIVORCE . . ." around the house. That should be pretty obvious, I think.


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## jpd (Feb 8, 2011)

Nine-E said:


> Okay, I chuckled a bit when I read that. You make some GREAT points.
> 
> However, from her point of view, if I'm surly, angry, sullen, or brooding due to lack of sex, then that is a problem for ME, not her. She just can't understand how sex could be so important, and feels that if it IS that important then I should go to counseling to help me get over it.


Really don't think she has a clue what makes REAL MEN tick.
Maybe she wants a woman?!


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## Nine-E (Oct 7, 2008)

I don't know what she wants. I walked in on her masturbating on Sunday. She's already told me that masturbation for her is a non-sexual event, so it has nothing to do with her sex drive. Or so she says. I find that hard to believe.

We've talked about our lack of sex life ad nauseum for years. Finally last fall she agreed to have sex with me whenever I wanted just to preserve the marriage, but we tried it and:

a) I want an active partner, one who desires me. She isn't, and doesn't.
b) After just a few weeks she started up again with the excuses. "I'm just too tired". "I didn't think you wanted to".

Whatever. I'm fed up. After 6 years of counseling, 4 counselors, and thousands of dollars thrown at this I feel like I'm done. It's not just the sex. There are myriad other issues. Sex is just the biggest one (for me).


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Nine-E said:


> I don't know what she wants. I walked in on her masturbating on Sunday. She's already told me that masturbation for her is a non-sexual event, so it has nothing to do with her sex drive. Or so she says. I find that hard to believe.
> 
> We've talked about our lack of sex life ad nauseum for years. Finally last fall she agreed to have sex with me whenever I wanted just to preserve the marriage, but we tried it and:
> 
> ...


Masturbation is a non-sexual event? She is lying. Why doesn't she want sex with you? :scratchhead: What the hell is going on? Are you POSITIVE she isn't having an affair?


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## Nine-E (Oct 7, 2008)

She says it's non-sexual. She does it because she's bored. Or to relax. She says it has nothing to do with me or with sex. 

She doesn't want sex with me because it's not important to her. She told me that some day we will be too old for sex and then what are we left with? There has to be more to the relationship. When she thinks of the reasons she married me, sex was "way, way down on the list". In fact, in counseling one time she said "if sex was a major reason he married me then I find that abhorrent".

Nobody can really know for sure if someone isn't having an affair, but I'll tell you this (I hope I don't sound like a broken record since I've said this before in other threads)... After knowing her for almost 23 years she's never told a lie. I have never caught her lying. About anything. Big or small. It's much more likely that she just doesn't care. That combined with no sex drive and what she feels is me placing too much importance on sex. 

I've been over and over this with her. Our counselor, who is good about not taking sides, has worked with her on love languages. Physical touch is my most important love language, and my wife can not fathom that. It is completely alien to her.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Nine-E said:


> She says it's non-sexual. She does it because she's bored. Or to relax. She says it has nothing to do with me or with sex.


As I'm sure you realize, that is utter, utter BS.



Nine-E said:


> She doesn't want sex with me because it's not important to her. She told me that some day we will be too old for sex and then what are we left with?


Actually, with advances in medicine, you may tell her with a degree of certainty that you should be able to remain potent and sexually active well into your 80s. If not longer. That whole "why bother because it's just going to stop working when you're old anyway" line just doesn't work any more.



Nine-E said:


> There has to be more to the relationship. When she thinks of the reasons she married me, sex was "way, way down on the list". In fact, in counseling one time she said "if sex was a major reason he married me then I find that abhorrent".


Damn. That's cold.



Nine-E said:


> Nobody can really know for sure if someone isn't having an affair, but I'll tell you this (I hope I don't sound like a broken record since I've said this before in other threads)... After knowing her for almost 23 years she's never told a lie. I have never caught her lying. About anything. Big or small. It's much more likely that she just doesn't care. That combined with no sex drive and what she feels is me placing too much importance on sex.
> 
> I've been over and over this with her. Our counselor, who is good about not taking sides, has worked with her on love languages. Physical touch is my most important love language, and my wife can not fathom that. It is completely alien to her.


Dude, I would be throwing masculine hissy fits left and right. If she isn't concerned yet, then you need to make her feel some concern. And if she's willing to do it "whenever you want", then despite your feelings of mediocrity over her lack of enthusiasm, you should take advantage of that just to make certain she realizes unequivically that it's one of your top priorities.

Or start shopping for divorce attorneys. I'm not certain your wife is repairable.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

It is rejection and it's abusive. Denying the pain she deliberately caused may be some lame protective mechanism necessary for her to be able to live with herself. More likely, her focus is and has been on herself, so if she doesn't feel rejection, there is no rejection.


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## lynst (Aug 13, 2010)

She has rejected you. I don't know why. I know I don't want physical contact with my husband anymore. Due to years and years of marriage problems and unresolved conflict, I find that I absolutely despise him. I don't want to be physically close with someone whom I am not emotionally close to.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Here is the deal: Many women do not feel intimate through sex. for men it is totally different. We feel loved and accepted through sex. Se feels loved an accepted through emotional intimacy, talking, and non sexual touch. She would feel rejection if you did not talk to her, touch her, or did not spend any time with her. Have her read this and she might understand:

The Dennis Prager Show

When a Woman Isn't in the Mood: Part II by Dennis Prager on Creators.com - A Syndicate Of Talent

By the way, what is HER love language?


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