# I am so lost and don't know what do think or do at this point HELP



## lonelysoulneedinganswers (Feb 25, 2010)

SO... to make a longer story shorter, I will start will the last few months and a few other petinant details leading up to.

I have been in my relationship with my H for 9 1/2 years. We have 2 girls together ages 6 & 8. My H pays the bills and I take care of the kids, house, etc but work too, just to keep my sanity ! 

We have had our arguments that would turn to fights because we are both bull headed. This happened about 3-4 times a year at most. Instead of dealing with the issues at hand my H would not talk about it, get upset and pack his things and leave. To this date, he has packed up and "left" around 6-7 time in our legnth of relationship. He seems to have an anger problem and does not know how to deal with children (when they are acting up) and I have seen him blow and break their toys but never beat them (but this is just as bad in my eyes) He has never hit me, or ever acted like he was going to hit me, he would just jump in his truck and leave.

As the years of spending no time together and him seeming unhappy to me, I began to think it was all my fault and became depressed myself. I went to my doctor and was put on an antidepressant. I started this antidepressant a year ago and by November, I felt worse and cried all day (please note that at this time my H has a job out of town and had a room there, so he stayed there all week and only came home on the weekends) so had difficulties keeping up with life at home so I went back to my doctor and she put my on another antidepressant to give me the extra "bump" to get me going and feeling better again. After a month taking this new medicine, she doubled the dose because it got way worse and the worst expectable thing happend,....I went through Seratonin toxicity, my live was not filtering the toxins out quick enough and was damaged and I went into a psychosis literally tearing my skin off and trying to hurt myself. I thankfully go home to Mom's house (she is a nurse) and we went to a facility and hosp to get it all straightened out and ai spent several days detoxing at my Mom's. 

During the time of getting better at my Mom's my H decided that he had enough and he was moving out and wanted a divorce. 2 weeks following this incident we sat with a marraige counselor and he agreed to work on our issues and that he would return for another visit. 

One week later...after he moved into to his room in the other city again, he decided he had no problems and would not return to see the couselor. (the couselor quickly noticed that he is depressed and my H agreed he was and he also had an anger prob as well) A few days following this I found out I was pregnant by a quick trip to the hosp for severe abdominal pain and nausea, vomiting. 

Upon hearing about my pregnancy, my H was angry. He tried to pay me to abort it, persuade me to abort etc. I would not listen to him. The few days following, he took all 3 of his truck off the property and most of his belongings to his new apt, (in the city he works in)

This was all over a week ago. We haven't talked about anything other then visits with our girls ( 6 & 8) since I told him about my pregnancy. I have nicely had to girls call him and return his calls.

Tonight he took the girls out to eat and play video games. He has bags under his eyes and looks like a sad puppy dog.  But he was short and quick in covo with me but not rude.

I dont know what to do, he hates this kid. He doesn't want to work on anything with the counselor 
What do I expect?
How do you turn off the feelings?
Did I do something wrong?
Is this a mid-life crisis for him possibly??

ARGHHHHH HELP !!


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's not your fault, first of all, sounds to me like he has issues that have nothing to do with you. As far as turning off the feelings, you can't do that. Believe me, since my H told me he didn't love me anymore and had an affair, I have been trying to figure out how to turn the love off like he did, but I can't. All we can do is keep trying to put one foot in front of the other, hold it together for our kids, and work on getting ourselves to a peaceful place. It's going to be a long hard road, but we will survive, and be stronger for it in the end.


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