# Goes much deeper than infidelity...



## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

I haven't posted in awhile, I've been doing a LOT of soul searching. I realized infidelity wasn't even the real issue in our marriage. I was totally blind to the fact that I was in a very emotional and psychologically abusive relationship. Everyone around me, that still remained that is, could see it. They could see how lost I was but I never did. It wasn't until I left and my mind began to clear I realized just how much of hold he had on me and how destroyed I had become. Now when I think back on all the instances things didn't add up, didn't make sense, and I just felt confused I know why. I strongly believe my husband is a narcissist and perhaps even a sociopath. I know labels are useless but honestly having that and researching has helped me tremendously. It prevents me from feeling sorry for him and falling for more lies. I went to my first CoDA meeting this past Friday. It helped a lot but I have a lot of work to do on myself. 

As for everything else, just an update. I am still at my sister's. I have a job interview on tomorrow.  I am also going to get tested for STDs. I suspected PAs but never had proof. Many people suggested I do but I felt it wasn't necessary because he promised (put it on the kid's lives) there was never anything physical. I also never had symptoms I thought until I looked up common STDs. May be tmi but I had a chronic yeast infection during the last half of my pregnancy with my last son. He also had an eye infection for the first few weeks of his life. Both are signs of Chlamydia. So yea! :/ 

Also, not sure if I ever posted this but shortly after I gave WS clarity about whether this was a separation or final (day after I left) he changed his passwords, unfriended me on FB, set his profile to private and began adding women. I thought to hurt me. Well about a week later I had a moment of relapse and contacted him. We talked and he ended up giving me his new password which was "lovelife13". :scratchhead: Pretty clear what his intentions were with that one although he tried to tell me it he used that because he was working on OUR love life in 2013. Whatever!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So what did you find when you looed on this account after he gave you the password?

Are you two divorcing?


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## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> So what did you find when you looed on this account after he gave you the password?
> 
> Are you two divorcing?


Nothing of course! I knew I wouldn't, he would have deleted everything first. He unfriended all the women as well. 

Yes, we are.


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## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

Oh, he also has his facebook set up where it alerts him when someone logs in from another account.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Hi MamaBear
I was wondering how you were doing and nice to see you on here again. 
I think you are amazing. It is so hard for any BS to leave and you have a 1 year old and you're pregnant? Hope I got it right and that I'm not mixing you up with someone else, LOL.
Kudos to you.:smnotworthy: 
It's interesting to see how we can get lost in an emotionally abusive relationship. And it doesn't seem to matter how intelligent we are because the trouble with narcissistic and sociopathic personalities is that they are also very charming. It is one of their traits believe it or not. My WH was much the same. My family and friends always told me how lucky I was to meet him. Yeah right! But at least that made me feel less like a idiot for having been fooled by him. 
It is also interesting to see that it hasn't taken you long to see how it was in reality. This is good because you won't have your rose-coloured glasses on. 
Good luck with the interview.
Keep posting to let us know how you are going. 
I'm so pleased you got away from him. Well done!


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

I dont mean to generalize here, but I tend to think most cheaters share the narcissistic trait. 

~sammy


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## hackbornyu (Nov 2, 2013)

when someone logs in from another account.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

mamabear131617 said:


> Oh, he also has his facebook set up where it alerts him when someone logs in from another account.



What does that mean? If I log into my partner's account because he has given me his user name and password, is that what you mean by the above?


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> What does that mean? If I log into my partner's account because he has given me his user name and password, is that what you mean by the above?


Whenever the account is logged into via a new device (computer, cell, whatever), an email is sent to the email associated with the account. It's an option in notification settings.


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## hernpaqa (Nov 4, 2013)

I was wondering how you were doing and nice to see you on here again.


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