# Is there a way to change your love language?



## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Mine is physical touch. A month ago my life went back to normal and after 9 months of not living with my husband I am with him for good now. Finally back to seeing him everyday I want to be around him all the time touching him and cuddling and etc. He likes it but I think he feels I'm going into emotional overload. I'm kind of annoyed with myself over it and want to back off. I try to focus on showing love by doing other things like acts of service by cooking (I suck at it and he's been the chef since we've been married) and such but it always comes back to physical touch. Is there a way of changing this or is it just how I am?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Its just how you are... there is no need to feel terrible about it. Is he making an effort to show you love in YOUR love language?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Husband and I did the little online test for this this week. 

Mine is Acts of Service and his is Physical Touch.

My main advice is to get him to take the little test. See what his love language is and try to show him love the way he feels it. Then he may be more apt to show you love in the ways you like more. This is what I am trying at the moment.

There is no changing you or him.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Agreed, it would be easier if you both knew what eachothers love language is... and if both put in effort to speak eachothers love language.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

I think there is a way to add to your love languages.
It's possible to begin to appreciate your spouse's love language even if it's not yours, and start receiving in their LL.
There's also a way to start giving in their LL.
But I don't think you can subtract your LL from who you are.

Like you, I'm recently living with my husband again after 6 months of separation. It's an adjustment and kind of a hard balancing act. In some ways it's a new relationship. 

Be patient with yourself and with him. Just like you shouldn't rush in the beginning of a relationship, don't rush to make too many changes too soon into this reconciliation.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Does your love language change over time? Yes. Can you do it on your own? That's a lot more difficult.

I recently read T5LL, took the tests and discovered that what I thought was my primary love language was actually tied with three others. I had been working on improving myself for years, but I didn't have the vocabulary of T5LL to describe it.

But none of that matters if you don't know your spouses primary love languages. Once you have a good idea of what each other's primary language is, then you can start working on how you each show your love to each other in ways that the other person feels genuinely loved.

There's nothing wrong with physical touch being your primary love language, as long as HE knows and understands it. And if there's one thing I learned from my reading of it, it's this: If you want to receive love the way you would like it, then you have to speak in your partner's love language first, and make sure they know how to speak in yours.


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

Thank you for posting this SepticChange 

I have wondered this too... mine is words of affirmation (scored a 10) and my H (hasn't taken the test yet, he's out of town) is a die hard "show-er" of love... I've told him time and time again that I need to "hear" things (even before I took the test) I'm trying to see his acts of kindness as "I love you, you mean the world to me" but it doesn't fulfill my need  He RARELY tells me anything how he feels about me beyond the occasional I love you. So frustrating, I wish I could change mine just to make life easier...


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lol I know how that is loving. My SO is physical touch and I am acts of service.... we had a hell of a problem with miscommunication on practically all levels..... but after we both took the test and.. received the book from a friend... we are making progress toward repairing our relationship. Of course we also had help from a few other friends and just TAM in general. 

OP hang in there ... you have gotten such great advice so far. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Its just how you are... there is no need to feel terrible about it. Is he making an effort to show you love in YOUR love language?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He does. He knows I like it. I even told him about the love languages thing and said how mine is physical touch.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

SepticChange said:


> He likes it but I *think* he feels I'm going into emotional overload.


The key word in here is THINK. Has he complained or are you just overthinking this?


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