# TMS (Traumatic Masturbation Syndrome)



## Sven

I have mentioned this a couple of times in replies, but think it deserves its own thread.

We live in a culture where sex is not openly discussed and certainly not taught to children. It's taboo. I have a religious background, so you can imagine how off-limits the subject was when I was growing up.

My entire sex education prior to getting married was when I was 13 years old...my mother handed me a dusty old book titled "Human Sexuality" published in the 50s, and asked me if I knew what a 'rubber' was.

That was it.

All men masturbate. If you say you don't, you're a liar and you know it. We just don't talk about it.

Unfortunately for me (and a lot of others it seems), I had to 'discover' how to masturbate on my own. I was a child when I learned to do it by putting pressure on the base of my penis. Well it worked...but I did not know the consequences.

If you masturbate this way you are almost certainly having 'performance problems' in your marriage. And it might not occur to you why. As part of trying to deal with my affair I found a website that addressed this. It is:

Healthy Strokes - Masturbation and More

I won't repeat the advice here. The discovery of this problem and the CURE is amazing. My wife and I haven't had sex since March because of her disability - but I'm able to get off just fine now and can be ready to go when she is finally able to function again.

This is not a joke. If you think this might be affecting you, please look into it.


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## Ditajr

How can you, one single man, say that all men masturbate? You aren't all men. Don't make assumptions.


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## losinglove

What you don't know the old saying 10% admit it. 89% lie about it.


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## BigBadWolf

Ditajr said:


> How can you, one single man, say that all men masturbate? You aren't all men. Don't make assumptions.


It is the same as assuming all men breath air to live. This is a safe bet even without having to interview all men.


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## Ditajr

Look, just because you do, doesn't mean they all do. I know other men other than my husband who say that they don't. No reason to lie about it either way, I don't judge. 

And as far as my husband, if he wanted to do that, i would like to know when he finds the time to do it, because we are constantly around each other. We both get home at 4 or 5, spend the evening together, he gets a shower with the door open and we have a glass shower door, so not much hiding there. Then we watch tv and go to bed together. So according to you, if he is doing it...he is doing it at work, which is just retarded to think he would do where he works. Or, he is doing it in the hour between him getting home and me getting home which is when he does our daughter's homework with her.

So again, you cannot speak for all men.


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## BigBadWolf

Most men do it when they are alone in the bathroom. 

It is probably not a big deal whether your husband does it or admits it or not, but are you saying you are with him even during his time in the bathroom to use the toilet? 

And yes, it is not unusual for a man do it at work. I have to wonder if this is not common knowledge?


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## Ditajr

Everytime is uses the bathroom at work throughout the day, he texts me to check in. I doubt a 2 minute pee break turns into jerking off. and Also, when he uses the bathroom, it's right next to our living area that we are constantly in...he is never in there for an abnormal amount of time. 

Just saying, you can't put all men into one catergory. This topic or any other.


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## Atholk

Ditajr said:


> Look, just because you do, doesn't mean they all do. I know other men other than my husband who say that they don't. No reason to lie about it either way, I don't judge.
> 
> And as far as my husband, if he wanted to do that, i would like to know when he finds the time to do it, because we are constantly around each other. We both get home at 4 or 5, spend the evening together, he gets a shower with the door open and we have a glass shower door, so not much hiding there. Then we watch tv and go to bed together. So according to you, if he is doing it...he is doing it at work, which is just retarded to think he would do where he works. Or, he is doing it in the hour between him getting home and me getting home which is when he does our daughter's homework with her.
> 
> So again, you cannot speak for all men.


While it may be overstepping to say 100% of men masturbate, it's pretty conclusive that the overwhelming majority do, and that it's a normal and healthy activity.


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## Ditajr

Overwhelming majority isn't all.


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## Sven

It's 100%.

But that's really not the issue here. The issue is with HOW it's done. If a man is masturbating using TMS, then he's going to have performance issues.

I just thought I'd share it, not get into an argument. Maybe it will help somebody.


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## recent_cloud

Ditajr said:


> Overwhelming majority isn't all.


you're correct an overwhelming majority is not all

so then we have an overwhelming majority that jerks off

a majority to which you believe your husband doesn't belong

your husband is the exception to the rule so you say

you're 'all aware all day' where your husband is or is not

and aware of what he's doing, or not

andand what he's thinking, or not

you're again correct when you say

one can't put all men into the same category

but what category is that again

the category of masturbating from time to time

and hiding it from your wife

the category of having a fantasy life safe and secluded from the real world

the category of wishing to take a shower with a locked door 

or at least an extraordinarily opaque shower curtain

it's been a while since i've posted and i miss my frogs
:bounce::bounce::bounce:
:bounce::bounce::bounce:


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## BigBadWolf

I have shown to my wife's amazement in certain times when I have not released in a day or two my ability to masturbate to orgasm in about half a minute.

This is just saying, for a man, it is most easy to hide and do in secret if desired, to have even just a "few minutes" is more than enough time.


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## Sven

I really wish I hadn't said "all men masturbate" because that really derailed what this topic was about.

TMS is a serious subject that can be devastating. Yet there is not one reply about it....only about the generalization I made.


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## Ditajr

Your bad


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## Blanca

Thank you for the link Sven. it never occurred to me that my H's habit of masturbating in the prone position could cause dysfunction during intercourse, but that article does explain some things.


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## ozymandias

Ditajr said:


> Your bad


It's interesting how emotionally vested you seem to be in the idea that your husband doesn't masturbate.


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## Dancing Nancie

ozymandias said:


> It's interesting how emotionally vested you seem to be in the idea that your husband doesn't masturbate.


:iagree:
That just seems really odd to me too. Why does it matter? I am not a big fan of people generalizing, but to say that men masturbate is a pretty fair generalization...


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## Ditajr

It's not so much about my husband playing with himself as it is that any generalization of an entire group of people is wrong. It's like saying all black people are on welfare, all jews are cheap, or anything like that. You are who you are, not everyone fits the stereo type. I could give a crap less if my husband does or doesn't really. If he does...fine, that's his choice. If he doesn't...same deal.


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## michzz

Ditajr said:


> It's not so much about my husband playing with himself as it is that any generalization of an entire group of people is wrong. It's like saying all black people are on welfare, all jews are cheap, or anything like that. You are who you are, not everyone fits the stereo type. I could give a crap less if my husband does or doesn't really. If he does...fine, that's his choice. If he doesn't...same deal.


Hmm, interesting argument you make. The generalizations you mentioned are racial slurs. Masturbation is a normal biological behavior. I think you have made an error in your allegory.

Scientists researching sexuality have discovered statistical averages regarding this behavior and not attached a negative judgment to the behavior.


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## Ditajr

A statistic is not a number that includes every single person ever to live in that catergory. 9/10 dentists prefer this tooth paste. Great. But 1/10 don't. 

I didn't mean for it to be about race, those were just the examples that popped into my head while trying to get out my feelings on the subject of generalizations.


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## Chris H.

Sorry, we really don't want people making generalizations about others on TAM, regardless of how true or untrue they are. This thread is a prime example. It got completely derailed because of one careless remark.

No one likes to be generalized about, it only makes others angry and starts debate. While this thread isn't a bad example of the debate getting ugly like they sometimes get, generalizations about sex or race are against forum guidelines (http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...117-posting-guidelines-please-read-first.html), see #1 "Treat others on the forum with dignity and respect."

I know we don't always catch it or enforce it too, sorry about that, we do our best.


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