# Separated considering divorce



## Kibble904 (Sep 6, 2013)

My wife and I have been married for 4 years and we started having problems for the past couple years. We have 4 kids, I work usually 12 hr days 4 days a week while she is a sahm. I have communication issues with my wife which co-exist with other issues. She is very bad with finances and cleanliness and I am sort of the opposite. I cant usually have a good happy conversation with her because I am upset at what she has spent or the condition of the house when I get home from work. So this has been going on for sometime now, we are in counseling. 

Yesterday morning she was off at the gym and after hitting the back button I noticed a post, she was getting advice for a head over heel obsessive crush she has developed for a pastor at our church and mentioned that she is falling out of love with me. 

I told her I am disgusted and hurt but understand alot is my fault and she locked herself in another room out of embarrassment yelled at me then left. A few hours later we went to the park and tried to talk where she pointed it was all my fault and what she did is normal. She said we needed to separate and divorce. Upon driving home she said I was a ****ty husband and father which in return I said I was going for custody. She slapped me a few times. At home I grabbed my things and calmly asked to let me go. She said no and slapped me a few more times. I called her some names and left. Now im staying with family debating on my next steps. I scheduled a appt. for next tues but im afraid we are past that point.

Im new to this any input would be much appreciated thanks


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

So... do you want a divorce or not? It sounds like you do, but your headline suggests you are only considering it.

Are you looking for advice to save your marriage, or for advice on how to get out of it as well off as possible?

If you are wanting to save it, I'd suggest employing the 180 asap. At the same time however, leaving your home (and leaving the kids at home with your wife I presume) is nearly always a bad idea, whether you want to save the marriage or divorce. I'd insist on going back home immediately and then figure out your next steps from there.


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## Kibble904 (Sep 6, 2013)

Thanks for the reply. Im leaning towards divorce but i am open for advice to save my marriage. The reason I am not at home is she laid her hands on me. I could have had her arrested and I dont want my children witnessing it. I currently have all the kids with me. I am lost, mind is a blur. In a blink of an eye I come home to being $300 over budget, house destroyed, wife in love with the thought of someone else and get smacked around and yet "I" am the horrible person who needs to change.


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## utah987654321 (Sep 5, 2013)

don't divorce over her emailing about her confusion of her feelings for someone else. If she wasn't confused then I think you would be at a place to consider divorce. You are kind for understanding she was embarrassed of her actions/feelings. One day can and sometime should change the direction of your life...but do you think that one day was reflective of your relationship and your love for eachother. 

If you were to take the stress and chaos out of your life and were on an island with your wife, would you be happy? 

If so, I think there is something there to sort out. 

Even if she is a slob and bad with money, think about who she is 'struggling with her feelings with'...a pastor. someone who doesn't judge and is a listening ear. That is the kind of person she is seeking. Can you be that person to her?


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## Kibble904 (Sep 6, 2013)

Im not divorcing her over a crush that just added to the longevity of our problems. I would love to live on a remote island with her and our children, No internet, bills, work etc. In reality though, I work hard to provide for a family of 6 and I need her help to keep my sanity. When I get off work I immediately take over when I get home. Picking up her slack because she spent all day on the internet is stressful. Note that she runs a blog and youtube channel. There is no teamwork and we have struggled for a long time to find a happy median. We are an opposites attract couple and our weaknesses are overwhelming the other. All pride aside she is hurting my heart. This is not the example I want for my children. Am I in the wrong here?


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

So she has a crush on your pastor? She USA bad homemaker? You are unhappy with her and have long standing problems? Then she decides to verbally abuse you and physically abuse you?

So what are your reasons for wanting her back? People rarely change and so relationships rarely change. Is this who you want to be with for the rest of your life. Don't look at the I love you part look at her actions. Are her actions what you want for the rest if your life?


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## ILoveMyWife! (Sep 5, 2013)

I would definitely not thrownt away yet! Try everything you can to make it work. Make sure both are willing to change, that is your first task is to breath and clear your heads and discuss what one another wants. Then tackle the issues at hand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

If you were to explain your situation from her point of view, how would it read? Make sure to cover 4 children in four years without much money.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

If this was a women would the advice be the same? Let's say a women comes here and says that her husband has a crush and then became verbally and physically abusive.....what advice would you give? I find the comments to stay weird.


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