# his addiction destroy me



## Takei

Hello everyone, first I'm sorry for my poor English but isn't my mother tongue.

So I'm here today because I need to express what I am feelings. And to know a little about your opinion and though about my couple.

So here is our story, I met my husband 3 years ago, I was still married but separate when I met him and so of course I had past and I had children. physically I was just 2kg less than now. he was really different from my ex, he had same idea, project than me and we loved same things.

after a few months we started to live together and the process for my divorce finally end up. then we had baby.

for some personal reasons I had to go back in my country and it took a long time for finish the process, so for like 10 months we had to live separate but after 3 months of separation, he came to my country for see us and spend a little time together, we also took this chance for get married in my country and we decided to wait that I come back here for get married with family etc officially here too.

well, so he came back first and I finished my task. but a little time before coming back I figured out that he had an affair.... it was at this time already 7 months that we had to live separate and I decided to forgive him after a long moment of argue and fight. 

then I came back with him, of course I couldn't trust him really after what I've done, even if he have let me access to his phone etc. But I did my best for safe my couple and I put my feelings in a small secret box.

before knowing that he cheated on me, I was ok with the fact that he watch pornography as substitute and I thought it will be better than cheating on me. 

but apparently it wasn't enough. well in any case isn't the subject of my post, just a part of the story so you could understand him better.

well, after his cheating, I got depressed and I took 10 kg, I was at 70kg for 1 m63.

he told me that I took a little wait so I started diet, even after what happened when we restart to live together we had sex everyday, I never refused sex, I'm maybe the one who initiate most of time.

but he sometimes told me that he was tired, or you know try to escape our sexual life. I also noticed that he was always looking something in his phone when he go to the balcony for smocking or when I wasn't close to him, then I checked, well of course no sms, no women or anything this time, just pornography pornography pornography and again pornography.... a lot. 

I first tried to not saying anything even if that was painful coz I noticed that he watched every time before our sexual intercourse.

but something wrong happened in our couple, I was pregnant and lost the baby, I was shocked, sad , lost...So I called him for having some support... but he just ignored me and for 3 days I kept it for myself, don't wanted bothering him..... he tried to have sex but I couldn't first because I was bleeding a lot and second because I was angry that he didn't noticed that something went wrong and he didn't tried to understand why I was crying so much.... then after 3 day we had argue, and I told him that I lost the baby, that he didn't noticed it and that like usually I had to support my pain alone...at this moment I checked his history and saw that when I called him the day I was losing the baby he was again watching porn... So I told him all I thought about it, that I can't support it anymore and that I wanted him to stop, he agreed to stop it and apologize for all of this and the pain I had to support alone.

again I forgave him, but 2 weeks later I got access to his history again, he was not in house but I couldn't wait that he come back and I sent him a message forwhen saying that's enough, that I was tired of his lying and tired from his porn. he first answered me " is that a problem?" so I remembered him what he said, what's happened and he decide to ignore me for the restof the day, he told me that he doesn't care about what I am thinking and that he won't choice me instead of porn....

I was destroyed, I cried all day kong, tried to contact him for he come back home, but he rejected my calls, messages everything. 

then he came back late at night I yelled on him, asking him if he was again cheating then he just told me " I was at the cyberspace watching porn and masturbate sorry" just like that.... I decided to leave him.... but because isn't my country I had to stay the time to make everything for coming back.... then 2 day after that he got mad at me that I was leaving him and said that if he was watching pornography it's because of me, because he never see my "beautiful" that I was too fat 61kg when he told me that I was so hurts, because even if I'd lost 9kg on less than 2 months he wasn't happy and he couldn't get excited by me.... again I cried for days... but he don't wanted to get separate, he wanted us to find solutions.... So I accepted to do an another diet, make exercise and lost more weight, but the condition was to down his pornography because like he said he won't stop totally...So I said ok when I go run 3 times a weeks, you can watch it but only at this moment, I don't wanna see any pornography out of this time. 

but sadly I understood he continue.... yes he try to not watching before going to bed etc, yes we have more sex ( even if since he told me that I wasn't his type I couldn't take true pleasure) but he still watch pornography everyday, sulphide it...and I'm really tired of this. 

I have so many good point, he's a good father, without the pornography problem he's a perfect husband, he's good at bed and I know he love me cause he wouldn't cry like that when I was ready to leave... but he can't stop his porn and now it's destroying me completely and my husband seems like to not even see it.

I tried everything, even cosplay for him, many game, I proposed him to have an another girl sometimes for having sex together but he still continue with his porn and denied all I try to do....

I am tired of trying,and little by little my love for him become hate. 

I'm sorry for the long message.... I just needed to express all I keep for myself since a moment....

thx for your patience.


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## Edo Edo

Hi Takei. I'm sorry that you have to experience all of this. 

This might seem like an odd question, but does you husband watch all types of porn or are there specific types that he enjoys? If there's a specific type of porn he watches, maybe he has a fetish that is going unfulfilled. If not too extreme, maybe try to experience those fantasies with him. It could help to reduce his porn usage and bring you closer together...


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## SunCMars

Him cheating, not finding you attractive are his excuses?

He is a lame donkey!

61 KG is ~ 134 lbs.

Not fat.
If you have a small frame, and are about 5ft tall, you might appear as slightly chubby. More likely curvy. You are just fine.
I assume you are Japanese.

Nipponji hanasi mahsen.

Make plans to dump this man in the trash-bin of history.


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## Takei

Edo Edo said:


> Hi Takei. I'm sorry that you have to experience all of this.
> 
> This might seem like an odd question, but does you husband watch all types of porn or are there specific types that he enjoys? If there's a specific type of porn he watches, maybe he has a fetish that is going unfulfilled. If not too extreme, maybe try to experience those fantasies with him. It could help to reduce his porn usage and bring you closer together...


the only common things in all the A.V he watch it's skinny girls so it's complicated for me to help him with this.....


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## Takei

SunCMars said:


> Him cheating, not finding you attractive are his excuses?
> 
> He is a lame donkey!
> 
> 61 KG is ~ 134 lbs.
> 
> Not fat.
> If you have a small frame, and are about 5ft tall, you might appear as slightly chubby. More likely curvy. You are just fine.
> I assume you are Japanese.
> 
> Nipponji hanasi mahsen.
> 
> Make plans to dump this man in the trash-bin of history.


yes his excuse. I'm not japanese but I live there. he is Japanese.... it's why for him it's seems like normal to have those kind of behavior....


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## Adelais

Takei,

I'm sorry you are going through this pain. Maybe it is normal for him in his culture, but it is not normal for you to hurt. He has become cruel and uncaring.

When will you be able to leave his country and go back home, where things are familiar to you? Would your family take you back? Do you have a profession that you can take back?


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## Takei

Araucaria said:


> Takei,
> 
> I'm sorry you are going through this pain. Maybe it is normal for him in his culture, but it is not normal for you to hurt. He has become cruel and uncaring.
> 
> When will you be able to leave his country and go back home, where things are familiar to you? Would your family take you back? Do you have a profession that you can take back?


thanks ...
well actually I will not be able before a moment because I depend totally on him.
I can't count on my family in Europe because they just totally don't care about me. So it will be a long process to get back a place to stay with children, a new work, a new life but I really believe that he won't change because he don't want tho. he just always say it's culture difference that I have to accommodate....


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## Adelais

Takei said:


> thanks ...
> well actually I will not be able before a moment because I depend totally on him.
> I can't count on my family in Europe because they just totally don't care about me. So it will be a long process to get back a place to stay with children, a new work, a new life but I really believe that *he won't change because he don't want tho*. he just always say* it's culture difference that I have to accommodate*....


The highlighted in blue part is the key. He doesn't change because he doesn't want to.

The red part is where you have to stand up for yourself. Cheating is not a cultural difference. Lying is not a cultural difference. Those are character flaws. Maybe they are accepted in some cultures, but YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACCOMMODATE.

It will be difficult, but you need to extricate yourself from this man, or 20 years from now you will be even more unhappy. Go back to the country where you can make a life for yourself. What are the divorce laws where you now live? Can you get your husband help you move back home. If you divorce, will the courts order him to pay some money so you can get back home?


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## Takei

Araucaria said:


> Takei said:
> 
> 
> 
> thanks ...
> well actually I will not be able before a moment because I depend totally on him.
> I can't count on my family in Europe because they just totally don't care about me. So it will be a long process to get back a place to stay with children, a new work, a new life but I really believe that *he won't change because he don't want tho*. he just always say* it's culture difference that I have to accommodate*....
> 
> 
> 
> The highlighted in blue part is the key. He doesn't change because he doesn't want to.
> 
> The red part is where you have to stand up for yourself. Cheating is not a cultural difference. Lying is not a cultural difference. Those are character flaws. Maybe they are accepted in some cultures, but YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACCOMMODATE.
> 
> It will be difficult, but you need to extricate yourself from this man, or 20 years from now you will be even more unhappy. Go back to the country where you can make a life for yourself. What are the divorce laws where you now live? Can you get your husband help you move back home. If you divorce, will the courts order him to pay some money so you can get back home?
Click to expand...

I understand that.... and I know his excuse wasn't a good one. saying that yes we was married in my country but not yet officially in his country so it wasn't cheating for him.... should make me never come back in Japan. But I believed that I wanted to safe my family more than protect myself. 

well he won't be an help at all and it's difficult to get something for international divorce. also honestly I do not want anything from him. just to be there for his sons as the good father he are. 

I messed up my life and this time for myself I need to get trough this by myself and become a stronger independent woman.

really thx for your advice. 

I really needed to talk about us. about my feelings and to be understand by someone because since I'm with him, I lost my family, my friends and I have no one for talking.... I was tired to pretend to be happy while I'm crying every night. the most difficult it's that I love him ...


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## Justsayin4897

Takei said:


> I understand that.... and I know his excuse wasn't a good one. saying that yes we was married in my country but not yet officially in his country so it wasn't cheating for him.... should make me never come back in Japan. But I believed that I wanted to safe my family more than protect myself.
> 
> well he won't be an help at all and it's difficult to get something for international divorce. also honestly I do not want anything from him. just to be there for his sons as the good father he are.
> 
> I messed up my life and this time for myself I need to get trough this by myself and become a stronger independent woman.
> 
> really thx for your advice.
> 
> I really needed to talk about us. about my feelings and to be understand by someone because since I'm with him, I lost my family, my friends and I have no one for talking.... I was tired to pretend to be happy while I'm crying every night. the most difficult it's that I love him ...




Although there are many different things wrong in my relationship the bottom line for me also is that I love my husband.. I do t care what’s going on I love him... Good luck .. it’s very lonely when you have no one to talk too.. I too know this..



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Takei

Justsayin4897 said:


> Although there are many different things wrong in my relationship the bottom line for me also is that I love my husband.. I do t care what?s going on I love him... Good luck .. it?s very lonely when you have no one to talk too.. I too know this..
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


thank you, good luck too. 
does it make us sort of sadistic ? I don't understand why I still love him objectively but it's like that.... if he hug me, kiss me or anything I just can't reject him....


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