# Getting Married but he has a porn addiction



## needhim

I am only 21 years old and I am married with one daughter..my husband is 25. Everything has been going great except for his porn addiction

(although he wouldnt call it this)...Recently all my husband does when he has spare time is look at porn. At the LEAST he finds something on the internet once a day and just recently he bought magazines to keep in his car. This wouldnt bother me so much if it wasnt taking time out from sex that we could be having. Also i have made MANY advances at him,..even dressed up but he just says things like NO... or im Not in the mood. Completely turning me down when i just saw him looking at porn minutes ago. I really dont know what to do and i cant believe this is happening to me so young. Also the women he tend to look up are nothing like me!... I am 5 feet and 105lbs and white/asian.... how the hell am i supposed to transform into a black woman,.. or a grandma,.. or a woman that weighs 400lbs. Its not realistic and its physically impossible for me to compete with these sick fantasies

I cry every night about this because i dont feel wanted or loved anymore. I dont feel like enough for him and i would do ANYTHING he asked me to. BUt it is so hard to compete with those women. If thats what he wants i cant give it to him but how do I cope with that?


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## swedish

I'm pretty sure if you searched on porn addiction you will find one of the red flags is that you choose porn over being with your partner. Maybe you should print something off for him and start that discussion? 

It sounds as though you've exhausted other avenues in trying to get his attention and I think you're right...he has an addiction.


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## Amplexor

You need to very clearly explain to him how this make you feel. That it hurts you and is hurting your marriage. If he understands that then he will have a better chance at honoring your wishes as a husband. This may take time but it can get better. Good luck.


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## Russell

Occasional porn is one thing... most of the time porn is another. When you catch him doing his porn thing... immediately.... go down on him. See what happens. Might open new avenues of.... research.... for both of you.


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## Beechnut

Whatever you do, don't listen to Russ! Sounds to me like you just need to get out...run if you have to. Do you really want you child to be raised by somebody like him. Don't waste your time.


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## Mr B

The trouble with young men who use porn heavily and have for years is that they create for themselves a problem called "sexual conditioning"

What this means is that young men who masturbate frequently while watching porn and have done so for a long time (many since puberty) condition themselves to only get aroused enough for orgasm with self masturbation and porn's extremely stimulating images. When these guys try to make love to a partner they find they have trouble with their erections or, more commonly, they have trouble ejaculating during intercourse. Many complain that after intercourse starts, their penis suddenly feels numb.

This "numbness" is caused by a less than optimum level of sexual arousal. His penis is used to the hard grip and rapid movement of his hand which a woman's vagina cannot duplicate. And his psychological arousal is dampened because real life partner sex rarely comes close to porn sex. His mind and his body go into panic mode during real life sex because it is so different from what he is used to as far as arousal and orgasm goes.

This doesn't happen to all young guys who use porn a lot. Since many of them are at or close to their sexual prime, any kind of sexual situation will get them aroused enough for orgasm. Even men who have trouble during intercourse will be able to ejaculate during masturbation by the partner and oral sex.

But the long term outlook is not good for the most dedicated porn hounds. As they age it is not as easy to become aroused by a partner. And in any long term relationship sexual arousal and sexual attractiveness tends to dwindle over time although many couples make this up with a strong bond of intimacy. Porn use tends to keep deeply intimate relations from forming in the first place.

Porn, with it's every changing variety and intense visual stimulation plugs straight into men's primary arousal sense- the visual.
And many men easily come to depend on this to get aroused and intimacy with a partner suffers, especially in married couples.

Heavy porn use is usually just a symptom of a deeper problem that might be helped in therapy.


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## italiana86

Mr B said:


> The trouble with young men who use porn heavily and have for years is that they create for themselves a problem called "sexual conditioning"
> 
> What this means is that young men who masturbate frequently while watching porn and have done so for a long time (many since puberty) condition themselves to only get aroused enough for orgasm with self masturbation and porn's extremely stimulating images. When these guys try to make love to a partner they find they have trouble with their erections or, more commonly, they have trouble ejaculating during intercourse. Many complain that after intercourse starts, their penis suddenly feels numb.
> 
> This "numbness" is caused by a less than optimum level of sexual arousal. His penis is used to the hard grip and rapid movement of his hand which a woman's vagina cannot duplicate. And his psychological arousal is dampened because real life partner sex rarely comes close to porn sex. His mind and his body go into panic mode during real life sex because it is so different from what he is used to as far as arousal and orgasm goes.
> 
> This doesn't happen to all young guys who use porn a lot. Since many of them are at or close to their sexual prime, any kind of sexual situation will get them aroused enough for orgasm. Even men who have trouble during intercourse will be able to ejaculate during masturbation by the partner and oral sex.
> 
> But the long term outlook is not good for the most dedicated porn hounds. As they age it is not as easy to become aroused by a partner. And in any long term relationship sexual arousal and sexual attractiveness tends to dwindle over time although many couples make this up with a strong bond of intimacy. Porn use tends to keep deeply intimate relations from forming in the first place.
> 
> Porn, with it's every changing variety and intense visual stimulation plugs straight into men's primary arousal sense- the visual.
> And many men easily come to depend on this to get aroused and intimacy with a partner suffers, especially in married couples.
> 
> Heavy porn use is usually just a symptom of a deeper problem that might be helped in therapy.


@ MR B!

Your post is really helpful! I have a simular case at home!
I see the true colors that you are talking about! You made me understand more about the addiction and why this addiction is how it is... I will try to figure out more!!! Thanks


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## MarkTwain

needhim-

By your user-name, it appears you might have an addiction too. If sex is already suffering, don't marry him. You will get almost none after a few weeks. Let him grow up without you.


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## GAsoccerman

I totally agree with Mr. B here... JO and sex are way different...that is why I always preferred sex, I don't "burn" afterward...lol plus no risk of shooting it in my eye...lol

I really get off on my wifes reaction, I once dated a nympho in HS, she was ok, but really didn't do it for me...she was like a porn star.....blah.

Now my wife is so natiral and so orgasmic becuase of my motions, I enjoy it more....henceforth more pleasure for me. :smthumbup:

one of the many reasons I married my wife was due to our great connection in bed, even though there are some things I wish she would do, just her reactions during sex have kept me happy for 19 years...and counting.

which has made Porn and JO boring to me...


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