# Married 16 Years in August



## ccain75 (Jul 9, 2012)

We went on a weeks vacation to Disney World June 10th thru the 16th and had a great time with our two boys Nathan 9 and Jacob 6. That Saturday night we made love and it was awesome. I usually have to start things up but that night she came onto me. Fathers day was also great.

On June 18th my wife told me the marriage wasn't working for her and thinks we should seperate. Later in the week she told me she is nolonger in love with me. Friday night she told me that the sex we has Saturday was because she wanted sex and I was there. She said it meant nothing to her but to have sex.

It has progressed to she can't stand to sleep next to me. I have since moved my things into the kids playroom and sleeping on an air bed. 

She says she has felt like this for a long time. She says I'm selffish and only think about myself. She says her love is gone and that I probably will never get it back.

All this hurts me so badly. I feel like I have been a horrible husband. I realize now that I have not been living for God and have been selfish. However I am a wonderful provider for my wife and kids. I allow my wife to go to concerts with her friends, she has a personal trainer (female) and is in great shape. I support all the things she wants to do. I go to my kids football games and play with the kids. I drove my Camry for 16 years and 268000 miles so my wife could have a nice car.

I wrote my wife a love letter and she just doesn't care. I've decided to go on a road trip for my job for 10 days to give her space from me.

I don't know what to do or what is going to happen. I don't think there is another man or that she has a lawyer. She is courtious to me during the day and at night after the kids go to bed she avoids me.

My wife is an accountant. Last March she was under a lot of stress. I found out that she had started an emotional relationship with another man by looking at her email. I confronted the man and found out he was married himself. He said he would leave my wife alone and work on his own marriage.

We later went to marriage counseling where the counselor started focusing on my wifes Self Esteem issues. My wife wouldnt take her advice on starting to go to a Womans group to explore these issues and later quit saying she didn't like the counselor. Between that day and June 18th I thought everything was fine.

I deeply love my wife and want advise on what to do moving forward. Nothing I say or do is going to help at this point. I feel like my only option is to pray, work on myself and wait.

-Craig


----------



## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

I think she has given up on you. Maybe you can sit her down and have a real but firm discussion. If she doesn't want you, there isn't much you can do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Craig,

I'd be very suspicious that EA went underground after you confronted the OM and her.

Do you still have access to her email and other accounts (like facebook)? If not, you should do the following to find out what is going on:

-Install a key logger on your home PC
-review your cell phone bill details on-line. Look for a large amount of texts/calls to a single number or two
-Buy a voice activated recorder and install it under the front seat of her car with heavy duty velcro

Is her cell phone password protected and does she keep it with her all the time?

She has given you the typical cheater line of I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You (ILYBNILWY). 

Do you still have the emails from her affair in March? If so, you should contact the OM's wife. She deserves to know what kind of man she is married too. However, on the chance that she may still be involved with this same guy, I recommend you investigate first

Sorry you're here

Good luck


----------



## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Craig,
> 
> I'd be very suspicious that EA went underground after you confronted the OM and her.
> 
> ...



If you really think you need a key logger, phone passwords etc., get a new wife  it really won't be worth the effort.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ccain75 (Jul 9, 2012)

I agree. I shouldn't have to sneek around behind my wife checking up on her. Our relationship should be open and honest.


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

ccain,

If you want any hope in saving your marriage, you'd have to know what is going on.

Read up in the CWI section here on TAM. No one was able to make any progress saving their marriage if there spouse was involved with someone else (whether they knew that up front or found out months later)

IF your wife is involved with someone else, she is most likely wrapped deeply in the fog of the affair. She isn't thinking clearly and is enjoying the thrill and adrenaline rush of a new and exciting romance. Openess and honesty went out the window when she had her first EA.

However, if you feel as strongly about this as you seem to feel, I would just move forward with her in an effort to amicably dissolve the marriage. It sounds like that's what she wants and that you do not want to try everything you can to turn this. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm OK with that and I agree that one shouldn't have to constantly look over the shoulder of their spouse. She's already proven to you once that she can't be trusted.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

chiben said:


> If you really think you need a key logger, phone passwords etc., get a new wife  it really won't be worth the effort.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Sometimes just knowing things will help....but realizing it doesn't matter might be the solution.


----------



## HiMaint57 (May 24, 2012)

Sorry for your situation -- very painful. I doubt if you've been a "horrible husband" -- sure, you made mistakes and may have taken your wife for granted (who doesn't at times?) but none of us are perfect. 

I would sit down with her and ask some very direct questions about what she wants to do -- divorce, try counseling again, trial separation? Does she want to try and save the marriage (ask yourself the same questions). If I were you I'd want to know what happened to make her do such an abrupt about-face after the vacation. Sounds like everything was great and then 2 days later she doesn't love you, she's not happy, etc. 

Wishing you well.


----------



## ccain75 (Jul 9, 2012)

Thank You,


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

ccain,

It sounds like you never addressed the issues behind her first EA. Most people refer to this as "sweeping it under the rug" and hoping it never resurfaces again. Oft times it does come back.

Whatever your final decision is, I wish you luck.


----------

