# We have no Valentines Day plans - haven't for a long time



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I'm OK with it. Anyone else in the same boat?


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

...... I'm going to lunch with the wife .... That's it .....And she's okay with it. 

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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Yup, myself also. I used to love v-day with my ex and her daughter. Hell, even took them both on a cruise!

Now I could care less, just another Hallmark holiday. 

Only thing I'm doing is taking my mom out to dinner tonight at a nice restaurant.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I'm OK with it. Anyone else in the same boat?


I got my wife a nice gift and gave it to her this morning. Nothing expensive, but something rather thoughtful. Her day is very busy and tied up with a hectic schedule, but I am going to enjoy her feeling guilty that she needs to return the favor as she said this morning, "this makes me feel A LOT of pressure to do something for you!" ...and I just smiled really big and then whispered some sweet nothings into her ear for the sole purpose of increasing her anxiety!

I'm to a point in my marriage where I know my wife has some anxieties over my sexual expectations with her. Instead of worrying and trying to help her calm down and relax, sometimes it is fun to just add fuel to the fire and throw some gasoline on it. When she starts freaking out, I just keep cranking up the heat even more to the point where she can't help but to finally crack a smile and surrender to her anxieties!

Badsanta


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Same here. Six years, never a plan. 

I asked him two days ago: I really want you to be comfortable telling me if it makes you feel bad that I don't make an effort to celebrate us on Valentine's Day. 

He said: I hope you're not saying that because you actually have a problem with it. 

I said: nope, not at all. 

He said: good, because I don't care about the day but I would if it mattered to you. 

So there, we're both on the same page. 

I do love to see others happy and making each other feel special on that day however. A delivery just walked in for a co-worker. Big smiles , so cute.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

We went to dinner on Saturday. That is pretty much it. Last time I checked, it is a Tuesday, work day, middle of the week, school day, etc...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We don't normally observe any holidays or birthdays. At best, we may go out for dinner on our anniversary, or sometimes for a birthday, but we don't do cards or gifts. Every day can be special, and we tend to be spontaneous when it comes to romantic gestures, so VD is something we avoid (pun intended).


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> so VD is something we avoid (pun intended).



That is to damn funny!!!:smthumbup:


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> We don't normally observe any holidays or birthdays. At best, we may go out for dinner on our anniversary, or sometimes for a birthday, but we don't do cards or gifts. Every day can be special, and we tend to be spontaneous when it comes to romantic gestures, so VD is something we avoid (pun intended).


That's generally us too. A few years ago I did get her new laundry baskets.

This year we are going out to dinner, mainly because we have no food in the house and won't have time to shop before tomorrow. The pre dinner drinks at home with be some bubbly.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Hear hear to Ellis, Keke, Married But Hapoy, and Charlie!

In just my opinion there seems to be a bit much emphasis on or significance attached to Valentine’s Day. 

I don’t mean to be negative; really I'm a positive easy going guy, but it’s starting to read like a day of mere competition to see who has a bigger heart between couples, or an opportunity not to be missed to be lugubrious over being alone, or even more so humble bragging to others of how we are just the most thoughtful and romantic spouse ever.

Anyway a genuine happy valentines days to couples everywhere. Try not to break the bank and keep it real. For those who wish to wallow in Single Awareness Day - stop it! At least around me. ��


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## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

Haiku said:


> Hear hear to Ellis, Keke, Married But Hapoy, and Charlie!
> 
> In just my opinion there seems to be a bit much emphasis on or significance attached to Valentine’s Day.
> 
> ...


I agree 100% that there's too much emphasis on Valentine's Day. It's a made up "holiday", basically. 

I think it's far more important how you treat your significant other on the other 364 days of the year.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*No current Valentine in Ol' Arbs life now!

Think that I'll grab my oldest son this evening and go get one of those world famous, artery-clogging, chicken fried chickens, smothered in cheddar cheese, with white cream gravy and jalapeños(commonly referred to as Monterrey Chicken), French fries, with a big ol' bottomless, sweet iced tea for supper!

Gosh darn, how I love myself!
Happy Valentines Day, Y'all!*


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Valentine's Day is the day you gift your wife with chocolate and pretty flowers. 

*Chocolate* 

Any holiday involving chocolate, even one that is more made up than most, must always be observed!

Those are typically the extent of our plans. Sometimes though, we wear red because we're fun like that.


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## Itwasjustafantasy (Jan 8, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *No current Valentine in Ol' Arbs life now!
> 
> Think that I'll grab my oldest son this evening and go get one of those world famous, artery-clogging, chicken fried chickens, smothered in cheddar cheese, with white cream gravy and jalapeños(commonly referred to as Monterrey Chicken), French fries, with a big ol' bottomless, sweet iced tea for supper!
> 
> ...


Love it! Nothing wrong with loving yourself! In fact I believe that you gotta love yourself first before you can love anybody else. Enjoy!


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

We exchanged cards this morning. It's not about the card itself, but about what you write in it. My husband said some very kind things to me. It makes a world of difference in struggling relationships. 

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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

To us, our anniversary is special and celebrated. We don't do anything majorly extravagant, but we make it special in our own way. That is our Valentine's Day. Today is just another day. We are intimate every other day, so since our intimacy was last night we won't do anything today. No sex for Plan9 today...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> We exchanged cards this morning. It's not about the card itself, but about what you write in it. My husband said some very kind things to me. It makes a world of difference in struggling relationships.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


I don't know if BS or not, but on the radio this morning the DJs were saying that for VDay cards there is a 3 sentence minimum you should write :scratchhead:


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> I don't know if BS or not, but on the radio this morning the DJs were saying that for VDay cards there is a 3 sentence minimum you should write :scratchhead:


Oh ****. I messed that one up then! 

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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Oh ****. I messed that one up then!
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


lol. I tried searching online and can't find anything. If there is supposedly an "imposed" writing minimum, it just further reinforces my thought that Vday is garbage. 

I did get my group at work a tub of pretzel rods today :grin2:


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

We don't do much, especially if it's on a weekday. Just a little special gesture to make the other feel special. I make him pink heart shaped chocolate covered pancakes for breakfast, and he sends me red roses.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

My plans - install my gift to her and my gift to myself:


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## Sixlet (Apr 26, 2016)

We don't have any plans because I'm sick of being the only one to make them. So I didn't make any this year and I doubt he'll plan anything. I bought him a card,wrote him a nice letter inside, and got him his favorite candy. I'll probably end up cooking like I do every night and that'll be that.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

We would normally be in the "not much for us group," but it's been a rough start to the year and she has been a rock. A nice dinner out -and alone- is just what we need. So steakhouse and a card.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

My wife tried starting a fight by text this morning. The gift is getting returned. She can have the card though. 
I hate Valentine's Day. 


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

OK, so maybe here is a better question. How many people here place a lot of importance on Valentines Day? Maybe a better way to put it, do you get pissed off at your SO if they don't view it as important or don't make the effort you feel they should make today?

Separately, I wonder especially now, how many people are guilted into celebrating or going the extra step b/c of social media (i.e. I just hopped on Facebook quickly and it is littered with people suddenly professing their love for one another).


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Never thought it to be special in any way. If I owned a greeting card store or flower shop, I might be inclined to change my mind. 


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> OK, so maybe here is a better question. How many people here place a lot of importance on Valentines Day? Maybe a better way to put it, do you get pissed off at your SO if they don't view it as important or don't make the effort you feel they should make today?


My wife and I place zero importance on it. I think it has to do with the fact we are both NOT gift people. If somebody is getting pissed off I'd bet it's part of a love language problem.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Neither of us is really much on the Hallmark holidays, so we don't bother to do much for Valentine's Day. I did send him a Man Crate full of goodies. It was actually supposed to be a "just because" gift that would be waiting for him when he arrived home from a business trip, but since I forgot the significance of today when scheduling the delivery, it arrived as a Valentine's gift. I paid for the extra duct tape wrapping, so he said the package looked like a bomb waiting on his front porch, but he loves the gift!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

We had a romp in the hay this am.. that's all we cared about... 

Yesterday we went out to eat.... I thought of buying & surprising the kids with a couple  shaped pizzas, but never got around to it..

I like @CharlieParker 's post... we're not "gift" people either.. if he cuddles with me today (being the affectionate type) this would mean more to me than getting a card or some surprise chocolates.. even if we do that every day anyhow.. I would only be ticked if he neglected those things on this day..

So much is wrapped up in those "Love Languages".. our expectations and what satisfies us.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> My wife and I place zero importance on it. I think it has to do with the fact we are both NOT gift people. If somebody is getting pissed off I'd bet it's part of a love language problem.


Same. I always asked my husband to get me a card and write something in it. Then I realized how expensive valentines cards are and we switched to folding a piece of paper in half and writing something in it. Usually something silly. 

I wished him a Happy Meowentines Day. 










I don't get the hype. 

I'm glad we are both not gifts people. Seems exhausting.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

CharlieParker said:


> My wife and I place zero importance on it. I think it has to do with the fact we are both NOT gift people. If somebody is getting pissed off I'd bet it's part of a love language problem.


I do wonder how many people get PO'd b/c they see the next person getting a gift, or see all the posts on FB and now get annoyed b/c they are not one of them, or b/c they want to brag about what they got. Not thinking love language problem as much as more b/c of how much Vday is pushed on everyone


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

I go whole hog. Multiple cards (from the dollar store so not ruinously expensive). Present (not expensive - just to show some thought). Flowers. In years when we are not getting along or not having sex, this can be very painful. In years when we do get along, it is magical.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Holdingontoit said:


> I go whole hog. Multiple cards (from the dollar store so not ruinously expensive). Present. Flowers. In years when we are not getting along or not having sex, this can be very painful. In years when we do get along, it is magical.


I think I have a valentine's day card in my closet (I have a card for one of the big occasions, not sure which one). I also have one of those P Touch label makers, so if I ever need a card in a pinch, just print up a new label and apply :grin2: Got home from work a few minutes ago and nothing from my W (which I was pretty sure was the case since we don't really do Vday), so looks like I am safe keeping that card in the closet until next time :smthumbup:


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

We are married for over 44 years. We used to have elaborate Valentine's plans in our younger days. Fancy clubs and restaurants. An occasional trip to a tropical island. Even bought my wife a few cars for VDAY. For the last 15 years we just stay home, have a good meal that we do not normally have and then some good love making afterwards. Then we watch TV. We still love each other as we did when we met. Just stopped trying to pretend that one day a year determined our love for each other. We show each other love every single day. That is why we are married so long. I will be lucky if my wife wears something sexy tonight. She says why bother since I take it off her quickly. >

What you do on VDAY in no way reflects your love or marriage. It is one of those holidays made up to get people to spend more money and shame them if they do not.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

This year I just gave my wife a massage after the kids went to bed, then we talked for a bit and kissed each other goodnight.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> We went to dinner on Saturday. That is pretty much it. Last time I checked, it is a Tuesday, work day, middle of the week, school day, etc...


LOL, yes if it is a workday or a night before a workday or a night after a work week by definition nothing 'special' will be happening :sleeping:


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> Same here. Six years, never a plan.
> 
> I asked him two days ago: I really want you to be comfortable telling me if it makes you feel bad that I don't make an effort to celebrate us on Valentine's Day.
> 
> ...



Well that sucker lied. 

He showed up to get me after work with a solitary red rose. He had me blushing all the way home. I walk into the bedroom and there are more roses on the bed with my favourite chocolates and a card. I got so emotional, I cried. He's not a romantic person at all and in the 6 years we've been together, this is only the 2nd card he's ever given me. What he wrote in there was so incredibly sweet. 

We had some amazing sex and he asks me to get ready. He's taking me out. We head out and he brings me to this really nice bar. There was a live saxophonist. It was so perfect I almost pinched myself. I couldn't stop telling him how much it meant to me, not because it was Valentine's but because he put so much effort and its so unlike him. He said he's doing what he needs to do to make our love multiply. Is this really the same gruff, macho guy I met 6 years ago??

I can't even begin to think of what I can do to make it up to him. Not forget his birthday again this year that's for sure!


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Keke24 said:


> Well that sucker lied.


It's a rare TAM posts that starts out like that and ends happily. Sounds like a great evening.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Romance on Valentine's day is like libido. Doesn't matter if you do alot or a little. Only matters that you are in sync with your partner.

There were years I made a big production, we were not getting along, and my production triggered bad feelings in both of us. Last year my wife was doing chemo and we did very little and she felt close to me because I was doing well supporting her through her recovery and she did not have energy to reciprocate so she appreciated me not putting pressure on her. There is no one size fits all. Not even for the same couple. Different years, different levels of effort / investment. Last year less was more. This year more was more. No one knows what the future will bring. But hopefully you know your spouse well enough to know what they will want when the time comes.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

badsanta said:


> I got my wife a nice gift and gave it to her this morning. Nothing expensive, but something rather thoughtful. Her day is very busy and tied up with a hectic schedule, but I am going to enjoy her feeling guilty that she needs to return the favor as she said this morning, "this makes me feel A LOT of pressure to do something for you!" ...and I just smiled really big and then whispered some sweet nothings into her ear for the sole purpose of increasing her anxiety!
> 
> I'm to a point in my marriage where I know my wife has some anxieties over my sexual expectations with her. Instead of worrying and trying to help her calm down and relax, sometimes it is fun to just add fuel to the fire and throw some gasoline on it. When she starts freaking out, I just keep cranking up the heat even more to the point where she can't help but to finally crack a smile and surrender to her anxieties!
> 
> Badsanta



For anyone interested, here is how things turned out yesterday. Both our schedules ended up being rather hectic, and come time for dinner we were both exhausted and decided to go out. NOT because it was valentines, but because as a family we were all tired and did not want to mess up the kitchen. So the fact that it was valentines made this into a rather painful experience. We went out to eat with the kids at one of our favorite restaurants around 6:45pm. We were not seated until 7:30 and it took until 8:30 to get served as the place was packed! 

Then to top all that off I have started to have a horrible cold yesterday with my body aching and was not in one of my best moods.

So by the time we got home and got the kids to bed, we were not exactly in a happy place. Fortunately we turned on the TV and the SNL skits of Melissa McCarthy making fun of Sean Spicer put us both back in a good mood. After that we finally had a good evening. 

As I had predicted earlier my wife was eager to make me happy, and since my body was aching, she gave me a nice back rub until I passed out and started drooling all over the bed! Could not ask for anything more!

Badsanta


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

Lloyd Dobler said:


> I agree 100% that there's too much emphasis on Valentine's Day. * It's a made up "holiday", basically.*
> 
> I think it's far more important how you treat your significant other on the other 364 days of the year.


Aren't they all? :grin2:


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

My H and I haven't been Valentine's Day people in the past at all. Even almost anti.
But given recent issues and trying for a more romantic and loving vibe (and with our two boys asking what we were going to do to celebrate it), we tried a new tradition:

Home-cooked dinner for all 4 of us - each person pulled a course out of a hat last week and could choose what they wanted (within reason). We had spicy lentil soup for starters, crusted beef fillet and potato bake for mains, celebration iced tea, sparkling grape juice with pomegranate jewels, and then chocolate fondant for dessert and pineapple ice-cream for second dessert. (Mom and Dad also opened a good bottle of red.) We came home early from all our various obligations and all cooked together. (My boys are getting some serious knife skills.)

Then, while we ate, we each listed one thing that we loved about each of the other family members. Parents with no dry eyes. The boys responded so beautifully - my youngest son, afterwards:
"Mom, that made us all feel really good." 
"Yes, boy."
"It felt nice to say as well"
"Yes, boy."
"We should do that for ever."
"Yes, boy."


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

john117 said:


> My plans - install my gift to her and my gift to myself:


I used to have an Onkyo. Loved it.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

My wife always wants me to write poetry for her. I used to write some but struggle with it, although I've found I do have a knack for limericks, so she got half a dozen of those. 

She got me a bar of soap.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Fozzy said:


> She got me a bar of soap.


Mine got me a pair of socks that year that the wall came down. D-Day was V-Day 1988. It took us 7 months to reconcile. V-Day was religiously avoided for 5 years. I started buying her cards and gifts, but really did not address the day. At about 8 years after D-Day, my cards got a little more flowery and the gifts were little baubles. At the 10 year mark, she bought me a pair of socks. I was happy as it marked a subtle change that showed me that we really put it all behind us.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> My wife always wants me to write poetry for her. I used to write some but struggle with it, although I've found I do have a knack for limericks, so she got half a dozen of those.
> 
> She got me a bar of soap.


I told my BF last night that my boss wrote his wife a lovely poem (my boss recited it to me). 

My bf comes back with, "oh yeah? Well ive got a poem of my own. I got you roses. So get in there and take off those pantyhoses."

Im sure it wasnt an original but who cares? I laughed and hugged him and told him he was sooo romantical. Oh and that i havent worn pantyhose in like 20 years. 

I could not care less about vday. In fact, i had forgotten about it until my radio station said something about it.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> I told my BF last night that my boss wrote his wife a lovely poem (my boss recited it to me).
> 
> My bf comes back with, "oh yeah? Well ive got a poem of my own. I got you roses. So get in there and take off those pantyhoses."
> 
> ...


WTF is a pantyhose, one of those things robbers wear over their face


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

lucy999 said:


> My bf comes back with, "oh yeah? Well ive got a poem of my own. I got you roses. So get in there and take off those pantyhoses."
> 
> Im sure it wasnt an original but who cares? I laughed and hugged him and told him he was sooo romantical. Oh and that i havent worn pantyhose in like 20 years.


Who cares if you were actually wearing any, did you get in there? 

In German the colloquial name for pantyhose literally translates as "passion killers".


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

CharlieParker said:


> Who cares if you were actually wearing any, did you get in there?
> 
> In German the colloquial name for pantyhose literally translates as "passion killers".


*cough* no. I didn't get in there. 

Passion killers is about right. That's funny.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

My husband doesn't do Valentine's Day - no flowers (that's not unusual as he's never sent me flowers in our 22 year relationship together) or gifts of any kind. On the other hand, I like celebrating Valentine's Day simply for the fact that it gives my husband and I an opportunity to spend quality time (my LL) together.

This year I asked him out for a lunch date. He responded "I can't today. I have a meeting between 11-12 and 1 - 2". My response "How about 30 minutes between 12- 1?". Alas, it was a no-go. His job is a bigger priority than spending time with me 

In my world, what goes around comes around. Steak and BJ Day will look more like Mixed Green Salad and a peck on the cheek


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