# Should I give my spouse any money?



## May72 (8 mo ago)

My husband and I are going to get a divorce and he currently sleeps In his hobby room. He does not speak to me. I have a bank account in my name (his name is NOT on it) and he had his paychecks deposited into my account. I give him $150 a week in cash and he also has a credit card to charge other things as needed (I pay the bill). I understand that half of the bank account will probably be his (community property state) and I am ok with that. Right now, he has opened a bank account but has no money in it. With no money, he obviously can’t move out. His paychecks will start going into his account next week and I don’t think he will contribute to the bills after that time. I had thought to give him some money to put in his account hoping he would leave but I don’t know what to do. 

We are supposed to split whatever money is in both accounts when the divorce finalizes. My fear is that if I give him some money now, he will spend it all and then when the divorce finalizes, I will have to give him half of what is in my account again and there won’t be any money left in his account to give me so it will be like he is getting more than is fair. Plus the cost I am going to have to pay for a lawyer. My daughter (college student, age 20) lives with us and he is very mean to her. In the past two weeks he is bumped into her really hard when walking by. 

He wouldn‘t dare do that to me and we can’t say he is assaulting her because “he will just say he accidentally bumped into her“ and never laced a hand on her, hasn’t pushed her, etc.…. But she is uncomfortable and doesn’t want to be here alone with him at all so has to go with me everywhere (grocery etc). I told her to not be in the same room ever and if she is in the kitchen and he walks in there to just leave her cooking there and immediately go to her own room. 

I don’t think he will hurt anyone but we are all uncomfortable and want him to leave! I could hope that if I gave him some money that he would leave but no guarantee of that. He definitely can’t leave with no money cuz he can’t get an apartment etc. with no funds. Should I give him some money for his account with the hope that he will leave? He might just spend it and not leave at all. If he were to move out it would be well worth the money but he might stay and then we are out the money for nothing cause legally no one has to leave until the judge decides what will happen to the house (both names are in it).


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You need to get a lawyer now to help you make all those decisions before you do something you can't undo.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Give the money directly to his new landlord when the lease is signed. 

Of course he could always move back home at the expiration of the lease but I'm trying to give you the best answer to your question as to how to get rid of him right now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe you could offer to pay the down payment on an apartment for him so he can then move out. 

Or, if you feel you need more help in getting him out, talk to your lawyer about it. This way the money you pay on his apartment could be considered toward the 50/50 split of assets.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

His paycheck goes into the bank acct abd you’re worried about “giving him some if it”???
Is it not his? How are you giving him anything? He earned it!
What an I missing?


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> His paycheck goes into the bank acct abd you’re worried about “giving him some if it”???
> Is it not his? How are you giving him anything? He earned it!
> What an I missing?


You missed nothing, its entitlement and the sisterhood kicked it


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## Derylandrax (11 mo ago)

Take his name off the account ASAP before he cleans you out! It happened to me with my ex and I wasn't even married. The bank or the police wouldn't do a damn thing about it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It's hard to understand why his pay isn't paid into either his own account or a joint one, but I am guessing quite a lot of the money in your account is from his pay anyway so why not give him some? 
Is the home you are in in joint names?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Derylandrax said:


> Take his name off the account ASAP before he cleans you out! It happened to me with my ex and I wasn't even married. The bank or the police wouldn't do a damn thing about it.


The account in question is in her name.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> His paycheck goes into the bank acct abd you’re worried about “giving him some if it”???
> Is it not his? How are you giving him anything? He earned it!
> What an I missing?


Her money goes in there too, my understanding was she's asking if she should give him some of HER money once his pay goes into his own new account and he doesn't contribute to the bills anymore (in her first paragraph).


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Give the man his money that he earned from working. How he spends it is really none of your business since your not a couple anymore.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kaliber said:


> You missed nothing, its entitlement and the sisterhood kicked it


You can call it the sisterhood kicking in. But keep in mind that a there are plenty of men who control finances in a marriage and would look at this the same way if their wife wanted divorce and wanted the funds to get her own place. We have had plenty of women post here on TAM with this very same issue.

Note that her husband has opened his own bank account and his pay will be going into that account going forward.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> It's hard to understand why his pay isn't paid into either his own account or a joint one, but I am guessing quite a lot of the money in your account is from his pay anyway so why not give him some?
> Is the home you are in in joint names?


My wife works at a bank, and iirc it's technically illegal to have ones paycheck deposited into an account that one doesn't have access to.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Middle of Everything said:


> My wife works at a bank, and iirc it's technically illegal to have ones paycheck deposited into an account that one doesn't have access to.


It can still be done, my EX did it for almost our whole marriage.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm missing something. There is a single account. All money earned has gone into that account. That money is shared marital money regardless of who's name is on it. If he is to move out, and that's important enough to her, then the money to do so is there in that marital account. So he should find the place, and then she can pay the bill from the shared account. The other option is he lives in the house until the divorce is final. So what's the question?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

May72 said:


> My husband and I are going to get a divorce and he currently sleeps In his hobby room. He does not speak to me. I have a bank account in my name (his name is NOT on it) and he had his paychecks deposited into my account. I give him $150 a week in cash and he also has a credit card to charge other things as needed (I pay the bill). I understand that half of the bank account will probably be his (community property state) and I am ok with that. Right now, he has opened a bank account but has no money in it. With no money, he obviously can’t move out. His paychecks will start going into his account next week and I don’t think he will contribute to the bills after that time. I had thought to give him some money to put in his account hoping he would leave but I don’t know what to do.
> 
> We are supposed to split whatever money is in both accounts when the divorce finalizes. My fear is that if I give him some money now, he will spend it all and then when the divorce finalizes, I will have to give him half of what is in my account again and there won’t be any money left in his account to give me so it will be like he is getting more than is fair. Plus the cost I am going to have to pay for a lawyer. My daughter (college student, age 20) lives with us and he is very mean to her. In the past two weeks he is bumped into her really hard when walking by.
> 
> ...


It's really difficult to give any answers when OPs never come back and answer questions or provide more information.

Has he ever said he wants to move out, but he needs the money? If you can't have a serious, practical discussion about how the separation and divorce are going to go, DON'T give him any of your money.

You really need to get a lawyer and discuss your options with them, and follow their recommendations to be certain you are making the best decision.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

You can give him money from that account. That doesn’t mean he will move!
Don’t think he will move just because he has that money.


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## pk1at (7 mo ago)

Wonder why no one thinks of a prenup in community property states


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@May72 He physically assaulted your daughter. He needs to be thrown out.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Derylandrax said:


> Take his name off the account ASAP before he cleans you out! It happened to me with my ex and I wasn't even married. The bank or the police wouldn't do a damn thing about it.


You've got it backwards. Her sole account is getting his checks.

Why in the world he hasn't rectified on his own is a mystery.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You've got it backwards. Her sole account is getting his checks.
> 
> Why in the world he hasn't rectified on his own is a mystery.


She said that he's opened his own account and his paycheck will go to his own account going forward. So, there is that at least.


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