# Wifw has no interest in my needs



## hopeless husband (Mar 14, 2010)

Quirk insight... Married 2 years... only months after learning of an extra affair on her part. She says she wants to make it work with me but I feel like I have been getting the cold shoulder.

I have hinted around what I like and need to be satisfied but she doesn't seem to care. (During the affair we were sexless for 4 months.) She never initiates and never, ever gives oral. (Even though I do.) How do I respectfully tell her it is important to me? Why do I feel selfish?

I love my wife with all my heart although it kills me to think of what she has done. I wonder if she did oral with her extra affair. Is this normal? I never thought my life would come to this. We are normal people who live normal lives.


----------



## wifeinlove (Apr 29, 2010)

hopeless husband. Im sorry for what you must be going through finding out your wife had an affair. And I commend you for trying to stick it out. In life, there is no such thing as normal- and the older I get the more I realise "normal" is the facade people put on to hide their little secrets. I think a more important concern is whether you are happy or not with the relationship. Besides the sex, are you happy? Do you talk? get along? have fun?

I think with girls, sex is often the fruit of the relationship. If a girl feels happy, desired, appreciated and secure in a relationship- she will be more interested in sex and in meeting your needs. 

So, I would try and focus on the rest of the relationship. Go out, and try and do those things together you did when you first fell in love. You may also need counselling to figure out, the cause/triggers of the affair in her mind. What she did was wrong- and you are in no way responsible- but I think it may be helpful to understand what was going on her mind- so you can avoid the same thing happening.

Also, You are not being selfish. Sex is a huge part of marriage- and I think its important both people are satisfied sexually. But at the same time, I dont think you can be satisfied sexually- if you are not satisfied emotionally.


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Oral sex is a common and normal part of love making. Yet, you say she doesn't with you. While it is normal and most people do it, maybe she doesn't like doing BJs. Therefore, there is no point wondering if she did with someone else. Spare yourself the torture because you will never know. On the same note, you and she got back together after the affair. No doubt you love her and forgave her, so now you just have to forgive her for real. Maybe seek counseling for yourself so you can deal with the pain and disappointment it caused instead of torturing yourself for the rest of your days.

I'm not sure really of your complaint or the advice you seek. I have the understanding you and she have sex but not blow jobs. If I'm right, then only she can tell you why she doesn't. It could be psychological on her part, physical, your cleanliness, she simply doesn't like doing it, or any number of barriers. You have told her how important it is to. Now you have to find out why she doesn't. It may not be that she is not interested or doesn't care. You are again torturing yourself to conclude she doesn’t care, when you have no idea the real reason.


----------

