# If you could, would you?



## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

O.K. here's the question if you found yourself in a dark alley or in the middle of the desert face to face with the OM / OW no one around no one knew you were there no link to you at all what would you do?
I know what I would do and it's not nice, but then I wonder if I would be willing to go that far what does that say about my feelings for my CW, (no I would never hurt her or want anything bad to happen to her because I do love her but the OM? HA) after all she wasn't tricked into cheating, she didn't fall down accidentally on top of his d1ck she made her choice.
It is a normal reaction to place more of the blame on the OM/OW and not our cheating spouse but reality tells us it is a two way street.

Maybe to keep it light how's this; if you could do/have anything done/ your greatest wish to get even with the other person with no repercussions to you what would it be?
Here's one I wish the OM got a case of jock itch so bad any woman who got near him would run away due to the smell and him having his hands down his pants scratching. Or even better just like the Southpark episode his balls swelled up so big he could hardly walk.
Many of the men here may be like me and would just bury the guy in a hole and forget him knowing the world is better off with one less dirtbag. I am the kinda of person who believes that the family of a victim of murder/rape etc. should be able to impart their justice on the offender(An I for an I) but what would be your favorite form of revenge?


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## ody360 (Feb 1, 2013)

Id just love 1 good swing. Like on the Last Boy Scout, face or stomach. But id just do the opposite of their request. I didn't get a choice and neither shall he.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Only one of us would walk away.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

I posed this same sort of question a while ago and was really surprised at the responses.  I posed it after seeing the movie the Purge where the ideal was that for one 24 hour period a year, all laws were suspended and anything goes that night. Nothing was to ever be held against someone (no consequences) for what they did that night and all options were available. What would happen. I was surprised at the people that were appalled at the ideal and said they would remain on the high road.


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

ditto Shaggy. Alligators get fed.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

Wheel chair and a colostomy bag. I would take the high road and let them live.lol


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I took some revenge in that the sob as he is no longer a football coach and now only a humble PE coach. Never use the schools email that way! I would love a good swing right to the face. 

When I was going to the batting cages daily it would have been a good swing with the bat.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I can't be bothered with revenge on the OM. IF my wife cheated, it's HER that holds primary responsibility. The OM may not even have known (unlikely, but possible). In fact, the worst thing I could do to the OM is let him have her! And the worst thing I could do to her is remove myself from her life.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

Would love one good punch to her smug face and his too.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

love=pain said:


> O.K. here's the question if you found yourself in a dark alley or in the middle of the desert face to face with the OM / OW no one around no one knew you were there no link to you at all what would you do?


Posting rules prohibit me from saying it. Why would you exclude the WS under the same circumstances? They are more at fault than the AP, shouldn't they receive the same or worse?


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## Burned (Jul 13, 2013)

So I called OM and Threatened him. Stbxw told me when om called her that they both just laughed at me.

I won't go looking for him but If I ever "run" into him he will will never forget it.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

I see the guys have weighed in here. I am not a violent person and most of my energy has been talking to my WH.

As the OW is 1000 miles away I will never see her, or I am 99.999% sure I will never meet her.

But, if I did I am not sure if talking to her would be worth my time. What would she tell me? Probably the same crap the WH told me at first. Who needs that. 

She already apologized once, nothing else she could say would help. I told her what would happen if she ever contacted my H again. I know there is no true sisterhood, but I cannot fathom doing that to another married woman/mother.

I contacted the first OW 16 years ago too when they couldn't seem to stop contacting each other. I told her there were young children here to consider and she needed to back off. I know, I know, my H was 50/50 in that and 100% responsible for hurting me, but I was desperate. She told me to talk to my H, not her. What a B#$%&!

So, who knows what I would do/say. It would not matter much.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

calmwinds said:


> ditto Shaggy. Alligators get fed.


I'd hate to poison an alligator.

Do I have a shovel in this scenario to dig hole. Not a deep one, I'd hate to invest that much effort.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Personally, I am not a believer in R in a relationship that has been betrayed. It is broken beyond repair.

I would dump by partner instantly and she would become dead to me. I would never again have anything to do with her that could in any way be considered friendly.

That's the consequence she will suffer.

But for the POSOM. I would do anything I could to destroy this a**hole who helped to destroy my life, a stranger who I had never done any wrong to.

I would beat him to within an inch of his life if I could get away with it (like in this hypothetical scenario).

After all, if I would smack someone purposely damaging my property or stealing from me (and I would), how much worse should a guy get it for destroying my entire home/ living environment.

He should consider himself lucky that I wouldn't kill him, and if I had children whose lives this POS had just helped to ruin I might even go that far.

F him.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

As angry and bitter as I am, I will and would not do anything. Yes, I complain and wish. What would bring the most satisfaction would be to live my life, have things turn around for me and be happy and in a healthy relationship. Then have someone tell me how what happened to my marriage is happening to their relationship. 

I want no involvement other than to know that "what goes around, comes around". I do believe that there is always a possibility that could happen. Life is strange and many things I've done have come back to bite me. Things I never imagined were even a small issue. It happens to most people. It will happen in time. No one is innocent, no matter what they say. We are all guilty of something.

She's never had her life colonoscoped like I have. It will happen. Give it time. Someone will bring it all back to her. Too many people know her and someone will finally decide that she is primed for a take down. She's playing with the big boys now. I was a push-over in comparison.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I'll be honest. If I could have just 5 minutes with no repercussions, I would do as much damage as I could. I am about 50 lbs bigger than the guy and have many years of training/coaching in martial arts. I would hope to leave him breathing, but wouldn't really care about that either, if there were truly no repercussions.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

While a nice, heavy framed .44 magnum would feel great in my hands, and look great in his face (he knew, by the way, he knew), I think I would follow what Eminem said... don't kill 'em, that way you can hurt them again and again, and rub salt in the wounds. 

On the other hand, if this was just one day, one time, I might just give that trigger a good squeeze. 

Ugh, then my faith kicks in and says let God sort the bastard out when he gets him back. God made OM as well as fWW and me... Who am I to judge?

Then the devil on the other shoulder.... etc etc etc wash, rinse, repeat.


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## darklilly23 (May 26, 2013)

I would hope for poetic justice.
That stbxh and ow enjoy each other and all each others "just friends" that they can handle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'd shake his hand and express my deepest sympathy. He took the lying, evil, bat off my hands and my life has been greatly improved ever since. His life, on the other hand, has been nothing but misery and drama. She has tortured him far worse and longer than anything I could have conceived.


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## Wideopn Dave (Apr 11, 2013)

Two chairs and a quite country railway line....him tied to the chair and railway line. Her tied to the chair NEXT to the railway line...they can "chat" about what they've done while waiting for the train. He gets to see death coming...she gets to see the destruction of his life as I had to see my childs life destroyed....and then LIVE with that image as my child has to live with the image of finding her mother and role model and POS naked in our marital home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Let me count the ways.....I would most likely do nothing, unless provoked, and if push came to shove I have two children at home so which one of us am I making sure is going home and who is going for ride in an ambulance!


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

Day one, I would have liked a baseball bat, their heads, my hands on their around their necks. However I have always believed that revenge/consequences are sweeter when it is dished out with a clear head and planned wisdom in the time frame they least expect it.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

I can't help but wonder what the other man's wife would do if she had the opportunity to make my wife pay - I would LOVE to witness that, and my stbxw would deserve everything she gets. As for the OM? He is going to crash and burn, it's only a matter of time. He is too much of a lying, narcissistic POS to get away with it for long. 

Any thoughts on more subtle ways to make their lives "interesting" without any physical harm?


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

I would only talk to my lawyer about what i would have done....


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

You'd see tooth and claw like you wouldn't believe. But I'd do the same to my ex too. 

The OM is not the true villain. He didn't make the commitment. She did.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> Posting rules prohibit me from saying it. Why would you exclude the WS under the same circumstances? They are more at fault than the AP, shouldn't they receive the same or worse?


Yeah I think I did address this in the next paragraph and that is part of my question, many here who decide to stay and reconcile are still very much in love with their spouse so revenge is more against the other person. In my case while my wife continues to uphold her end of this "R" I dont have too many thoughts of revenge other than the odd revenge affair once in awhile but if she cheated again then our marriage would be over and I probably wouldnt mind seeing her fall off a cliff or something except for the damage it would do to the kids.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

My POSOM was my wifes ex hs bf,he is also a ex-con.
They text and talked a lot over a four month period.
They even met at a K-Mart parking lot four times in the middle of the day.
Nothing physical ever happend.
For a year he called me and set up fights that he never showed up at.
He called and threatend t rape my wife,said stuff about my kids,said I owed 
Him money for my wifes abortion ( not true ).
He just kept calling and pissing me off.
I did see him a few times,he ran each time,but the calls and taunting continued.
He's an ex-felon,I pulled all his records,he has his check garneshed so much its a joke.
He's semi homeless owns nothing,not even a car.
I got him in trouble at work and exposed him to his long term girlfriend who kicked
Him out,he also lost what few friends he had.
So,if I was to corner him in a dark alley?
God have mercy on him because I wont.
One day our paths will cross again and he wont and he will not be able to run.
He even told me he was going to fvck my wife in my home and
there was nothing I could do about it.
So yeah,I'd make him regret he was ever born.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angrybuttrying (Jun 17, 2013)

I would beat the f--- out of him, then make him tell his wife to call me and let me know he told her everything, or else I would track him down again. 

Reality is that I'll never meet the *******, but if I did, I would tear him a new one, in front of my wife, his wife, his kids, etc. Can you say no mercy??

I've already stated that if NC is broken, which it has not been since dday, I will go nuclear, starting with telling his wife, friends, his work, etc. Depending on his reactions, it's very possible I would pay him a visit for a "chat" that he will never forget.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

love=pain said:


> O.K. here's the question if you found yourself in a dark alley or in the middle of the desert face to face with the OM / OW no one around no one knew you were there no link to you at all what would you do?
> I know what I would do and it's not nice, but then I wonder if I would be willing to go that far what does that say about my feelings for my CW, (no I would never hurt her or want anything bad to happen to her because I do love her but the OM? HA) after all she wasn't tricked into cheating, she didn't fall down accidentally on top of his d1ck she made her choice.
> It is a normal reaction to place more of the blame on the OM/OW and not our cheating spouse but reality tells us it is a two way street.
> 
> ...


Where are these dark alleys in the middle of the desert. I'd love to get a picture.

I never really looked at the OM as the problem. It was my WW I would've wanted to take a shot at. My exWW and the OM have been together since and even married. He even sided with me during some custody fights over the years because he was a father who had an exW play custody games on him and he's really good to my kids, so no, I have no problems with him and frankly appreciate him. 

Honestly I'm glad my exWW had an affair because it helped in ending our marriage and got me out of a toxic situation. I'm in such a better place now.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

I'd turn and walk away.. I wouldn't want to do anything I would regret, that's the difference between me and someone that cheats. I worry about consequences, things like "he has children that need him"..... I'd stop and say 'if I kill this guy I'll have to live with it, he's not worth that'...


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

This is my non-rational, get you into trouble, legal ramifications response. I'm also going to respond as a man with a wife and not try to expand that this should apply for women as well. Here goes: If you are considering or potentially might become the O/M to someone already involved in a relationship, you are bascially signing up for the potential to be involved in a violent reaction by the non-suspecting husband when he finds out. I'm not saying this is right, or wrong, but this is reality. Emotion, aggression, primal forces come to play in these situations. Am I excusing the spouse?...no, not in any way.....I understand that being cool, thinking long term, and living life is the best revenge, but in the heat of the moment, I don't think that the worst outcome an O/M should expect is "I'm going to expose you". I remember having this conversation with my friends and just saying that if I knew some of them were the O/M in someone else's marriage, and they got the crap kicked out of them by the husband, well that's the chance you take. 

Anyways, my 2cents


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

love=pain said:


> Yeah I think I did address this in the next paragraph and that is part of my question, many here who decide to stay and reconcile are still very much in love with their spouse so revenge is more against the other person. In my case while my wife continues to uphold her end of this "R" I dont have too many thoughts of revenge other than the odd revenge affair once in awhile but if she cheated again then our marriage would be over and I probably wouldnt mind seeing her fall off a cliff or something except for the damage it would do to the kids.


I think that the desire to lash out at the AP is amplified when the BS is in R because they can't (or feel they can't) do it to their WS; they feel it would jeopardize the R. Because of this the BS has that nagging feeling in the pit of their stomach that they let their WS get away Scott Free; so they go after the AP. I've heard that said by many BS here and in my personal life as well and while I would go after the AP as well, I think finding some way to make the WS pay (I mean really pay) has to help the BS. I don't care what anyone says, to a certain extent, revenge is therapeutic.

I'll give you an example. A relative of mine (through marriage) was caught cheating by his wife and they divorced. This is one of the nastiest divorces I've ever seen and neither one has big money, just working class people. They had one child who is now grown and this happened about 21 years ago. He has since remarried. To this day his ex wife is still taking him to court and now so is his child, for all kinds of verbal promises made. I met his ex-wife 4 years ago and my relationship with her was good enough for me to ask her why doesn't she stop the court stuff and give it a rest. She answered: "I'll never stop until one of us is dead. He hasn't finished paying for what he did to me". After thinking about it, she was right; she wants him to pay. I'll tell you this, his kids from his second marriage can't get the education his first child got because of the court costs alone. 

I doubt I could ever R, but if I did, everyone we have ever known would have to know what my WS did to me; every little detail. She'd have to wear the scarlet letter at the very least.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

love=pain said:


> O.K. here's the question if you found yourself in a dark alley or in the middle of the desert face to face with the OM / OW no one around no one knew you were there no link to you at all what would you do?


I would, honestly, keep walking.

With my head held high and not even bothering the time or basic human decency of making eye contact.

That's just me though.

I don't have time for living in the past.

Sh!t, I might even say "Thank you" and keep on with the keep on (walking).


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

Exposure and telling the truth was the best comeuppance I could give to the OW for her part in what my WS did to me. Her truthful profile on a cheaters website has attracted a LOT of attention and caused many of her adulterous skeletons to come out of the closet. People knowing the truth about her is good enough for me, that hurt her more than my fist could have. Although I did think about it!

I generally don't condone violence and I can throw a good punch "for a girl." I'll save that for anyone who messes badly enough with my kids. xOW isn't worth hitting. S*it splatters too much on impact anyway. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

I don't know. I'm divorcing my ww, because cheating is a deal breaker. The only reason I have anything to do with her is because of the kids. As far as he and she are concerned, they're both scum and deserve each other. She threw her life away for his c*ck. So in that sense I would say I'd do nothing because I don't give a shiny f*ck about either of them - not worth my time or effort.

On the other hand, that f*cking c*nt ruined my children's lives too - and for that, I would have to say, I would beat him the f*ck to death with a lead pipe, but not before I shoved it squarely up his sorry ass.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

I would not. My ex-wife screwed around with multiple men before and after our wedding. They would gang up on me and beat me to a pulp.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Healer said:


> I don't know. I'm divorcing my ww, because cheating is a deal breaker. The only reason I have anything to do with her is because of the kids. As far as he and she are concerned, they're both scum and deserve each other. She threw her life away for his c*ck. So in that sense I would say I'd do nothing because I don't give a shiny f*ck about either of them - not worth my time or effort.
> 
> On the other hand, that f*cking c*nt ruined my children's lives too - and for that, I would have to say, I would beat him the f*ck to death with a lead pipe, but not before I shoved it squarely up his sorry ass.


Don't beat around the bush. Tell us how you really feel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

If no one will ever know?

As someone who has been trained extensively in kickboxing, I will beat the crap out of the OM. Wrath of a thousand suns will burn the AP of my STBXW. I will also make sure to completely destroy OM's little johnny so that heartless ***** is left with no bone to suck.

Yes my ancestors used to be murderous thugs. How did you know?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Of course all POSOM's are scum. That's a given. But there are degrees of culpability. 

In cases where the POSOM doesn't even know who the BS is, or barely knows him, that's bad enough. 

But when the POSOM is someone you know, who talks smack about you to your wife, insults you, brags about what he's doing to her, laughs at you - over a two year period; that's makes it personal on a different level. 

After recovering almost 4000 e-mails of this, I almost got to a point where my hatred for him, obscured the rightful focus that I should have put on my WW. It was a gut wrenching distraction when I was trying to deal with what *SHE* did.

But that doesn't mean I hate him any less now. So to answer your question OP; yeah, I would. There would be no amount of pain and suffering that I wouldn't inflict on him if I knew I could get away with it.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

LostViking said:


> Don't beat around the bush. Tell us how you really feel.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'll remove the filter next time I post.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

LostViking said:


> I would not. My ex-wife screwed around with multiple men before and after our wedding. They would gang up on me and beat me to a pulp.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Damn son, such a defeatist! You're allowed a little creative license here - this is hypothetical, after all.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

It's not my fear of the law that keeps me from evening up any number of scores, it's my belief in God and ultimate right and wrong.
If someone could prove without a doubt that God does not exist...there'd be a few funerals. And I'd be smilin ear to ear.

Unfortunately I was raised with a sketchy line of right and wrong and when I found faith I lost my right to revenge...dammit! Oops did I say that out loud?


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Healer said:


> Damn son, such a defeatist! You're allowed a little creative license here - this is hypothetical, after all.


I doubt the guys she was banging were even aware she was engaged/married. It would be hard for me to go after guys who were basically ignorant of the truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I think my attitude would be that I'd already been hurt / damaged by the actions of the OW and my *ex*, so why 'infect' myself further? As Confucius so wisely said:-

“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”


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## javawave (Apr 7, 2013)

There are no words to express the hate I would release.


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