# stay or cut and run??



## plucie (Mar 29, 2010)

ive been married for 10 years now, and we seem to have lost the spark, and not to mention intimacy. we are now like strangers. i think even strangers are more cordial and nice to each other. we barely manage speaking 5 sentences the whole day. we have 2 kids, 5 and 3. and i've been thinking of moving out..what about the kids? how much more of my life should i give up/./.

im so confused, sad, angry, and hurt...i love him though, and really want to work things out....


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## gfc777 (Mar 22, 2010)

Hmmm... I wonder if this is what my wife was thinking prior to deciding to leave.

My wife had told me on more than one occasion that she was upset with some of the things I did but we never really explored much of why she didnt like it. I just toned down those activities a bit and we kept on rolling on with our happy lives... Our lives were looking up, we had A LOT to look forward to. I was as happy as can be.

Fast forward about 6 month and she finally hits me with the sobering truth and now she wants to move out. It was like someone had pulled the magic carpet from under us and I just kept falling.

For some reason, a switch went off in my head and I immediately realized how important she was to me and my future. I felt a lot of anger and still can’t believe the pain. Now, I'm stuck with the realization that she is going to move on and that I'll have to do the same.

All I can say is in my case, I would have appreciated a serious sit down discussion explaining why she's unhappy and that she wants to work on us. Suggest counseling, read books together -there’s tones our there, make him understand that your marriage is in trouble. Make him understand that he needs to work on you guys as much as he needs to work on his social/work/personal life! After all that, if he still does not want to work on it, go to the next level.

The reason I've chimed into this post is because there are sooooooo many stories like mine where the Husband had NO CLUE that there were marital issues. Call us stupid, call us ignorant but after seeing how much most of these guys actually love their wives and would do anything to make the marriage better - its worth a try.

I'm not saying that putting more effort into the marriage will work all I'm trying to say is give him a chance. Make sure he understands what you're saying/feeling before pulling the pin. Provide him with the opportunity to be the emotional caretaker. I'd give anything to have that chance with my wife!


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

If you loved him truly you would attempt to go to a counselor. You are hiding all these thoughts and feelings which he might have no clue on. My marriage was like that because i worked full time and went to school full time. When I came home I would leave her a lone because her refuge was TV and it just agitated her when I would try to make small talk. One day out the blue things blue up and she walked out without so much putting up a fight. She says "she tried working on things". I don't know whom she tried working them out with because it sure wasn't me. Her own unhappiness was caused by herself and will probably stay that way. I loved her , I confided in her truly, and I always took her into consideration whether she was around or not. But that wasn't enough; I have since found out she is dealing with a lot of demons and she would do what she has always done in life.... RUN.

Your unhappy but you havn't really voiced to us why your unhappy and I would also assume your husband doesn't know your even unhappy. Communicate with him so he can be the soul mate he is supposed to be. 

Plain and simple ; if you want to make it work then be open and honest with him. Do think before you say what you think.


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