# Anyone ever had a snoop at A***** M******* or the like?



## LRgirl (Apr 9, 2013)

Has anyone here ever had a little snoop at any of the sites set up for liaisons or affairs between married people? 

I did, and I'm shocked.......page after page of 'attached male seeking women' and i guess the same for married women seeking men!!

People actually posting a photograph of them self whilst advertising the fact they are seeking extra marital sex!

I have lived a sheltered life for sure :scratchhead:

Had to stop looking in case i found a profile of someone I might know!

Before anyone asks.......I just got nosy after seeing a thread here on TAM naming this AM site in particular.

JEEZ, YOU LIVE AND LEARN!!!


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Two or three years ago, when I was grasping at straws trying to figure out some changes in my wife's behavior (and hearing some horror stories about AM), I created a profile with a throwaway email address so I could check on women's postings in my area. Didn't find anything useful, but it did serve to make me feel crappy and dirty.

I found the whole thing, both my actions and those of the people who posted there, shameful.


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## LRgirl (Apr 9, 2013)

GTdad said:


> Two or three years ago, when I was grasping at straws trying to figure out some changes in my wife's behavior (and hearing some horror stories about AM), I created a profile with a throwaway email address so I could check on women's postings in my area. Didn't find anything useful, but it did serve to make me feel crappy and dirty.
> 
> I found the whole thing, both my actions and those of the people who posted there, shameful.


What were you checking on? looking for your wife, or just a general nosy to see what wives get up to?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I was specifically looking for a profile that matched my wife. Sorry I didn't make that clear.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Be careful. I have looked at those sites as well.

But when people here report that they have found their spouses looking at these sites, it is a big red flag. Might be best to tell your husband what you were looking at in case he thinks you were looking to cheat.


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## LRgirl (Apr 9, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> Be careful. I have looked at those sites as well.
> 
> But when people here report that they have found their spouses looking at these sites, it is a big red flag. Might be best to tell your husband what you were looking at in case he thinks you were looking to cheat.


I have  and he's the former WS, just curious really about the amount of availability and shocked that it almost brings up your area code!

Seems very dangerous to me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I've posted a number of times with my thoughts, but to post again...

Chasing off one AP and thinking you have "solved" the problem is a fool's game, because there's no end of other people waiting to take the AP's place. 

No matter what your spouse tells you about being "seduced" or "coerced" into an affair, odds are good they were a willing partner (even if they weren't as obviously willing as advertising on AM or the like). But by telling you they were sucked in innocently, it makes them look better, and makes it easier for you to forgive them. 

I did use AM and another site to find my two affair partners. I'm not proud of it, but that's the truth of my past. If anyone needs details about the workings, I can respond to questions either in here or in PM. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Nope.

I checked out the splash site but you need to register to get inside.

I simply couldn't possibly explain that e-mail found in my inbox.

"I was just checking it out honey no biggie."

Yeah, I don't think so.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

When I first found out that my husband was on Adult Friend Finder and SexSearch back in 2010, I started looking up sites like them and was totally blown away. It had never even crossed my mind before that these sites even existed. It's the seedy underbelly of the internet, that's for sure, and made me feel like I needed a long hot soak in lysol every time I surfed them.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> It had never even crossed my mind before that these sites even existed. It's the seedy underbelly of the internet, that's for sure, and *made me feel like I needed a long hot soak in lysol* every time I surfed them.


:iagree:


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## PastOM (Apr 12, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> Be careful. I have looked at those sites as well.


Love your avatar! :rofl:

Never looked at those sites, until happened across article.
Edit: I guess the link is blocked!! Sorry!

Very weird indeed. I always thought that you married so that you could rev up the sex life. When I was married, sex was fantastic because we could do anything and be anyone. Searching for it outside of a marriage (on such a huge scale) seemed pointless, dirty and downright dangerous.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Yes, I discovered last year that H was on AM, sexsearch, **** buddies, married buy playing, etc. etc. all the while struggling with impotence at the same time...

I honestly think there are more men on those sites than woman because honestly how many women would feel safe meeting some guy you do not know somewhere to have sex..I think the majority of women on those sites are escorts.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

highwood said:


> I honestly think there are more men on those sites than woman because honestly how many women would feel safe meeting some guy you do not know somewhere to have sex..I think the majority of women on those sites are escorts.


Or scammers. There are TONS of scammers on those sites. Cost my husband a few thousand dollars finding THAT out.

There's more guys on those sites because more guys are willing to throw caution to the wind when it comes to mindless unattached sex with strangers. They really DO think with the wrong head a lot of the time.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I can't imagine any sane somewhat normal women driving to a hotel to meet some guy she has not met before with the intention of having sex..
That is what I do not get these men actually think that a woman will jsut meet them for a quick ****....for free


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

highwood said:


> I can't imagine any sane somewhat normal women driving to a hotel to meet some guy she has not met before with the intention of having sex..
> That is what I do not get these men actually think that a woman will jsut meet them for a quick ****....for free


Read more of CWI and you'll learn that many of these women do just that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Yes... all those sites (half a dozen). On AM I have a male and female to snoop since you can only see the opposite sex. I found one of the OM and two of her co-workers (females). I will admit flirting in the early stages and had some offers. Nearly went through with it for the revenge factor, but just didn’t have it in me to meet. 

I admit to doing that, and I have told my WW what transpired there. There is a reason she snoops on me. I don’t mind at all. 

How it helped. My WW was ‘in love’ with her OM. I showed her his AM profile, his bragging on PUA sites, and his wanna be ‘player’ persona and outright lies. She was played and used like the (insert really descriptive nasty words) she is. She got all she deserved with that winner. It helped me “break her” of thinking she was special or unique in that relationship.... She was a booty call instead of everything she fantasized she meant to him. Her value was between her legs; her worst fear and insecurity come real.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

highwood said:


> *sane somewhat normal*


Operative words here. Testosterone really is a mind altering drug. Many women have too much of it too.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

There are lots of scammers and/or escorts, but there are also plenty of real women looking for sex. Some are married, some are single and looking for a NSA relationship. It's much easier than I would have guessed to find someone, even for a 40+ year old average looking guy. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Read more of CWI and you'll learn that many of these women do just that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, but somebody you do not know at all.....what if they are really gross and disgusting.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> Operative words here. Testosterone really is a mind altering drug. Many women have too much of it too.


There's also plenty of women (as evidenced on this site) in sexless marriages and frustrated by it.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

GTdad said:


> I was specifically looking for a profile that matched my wife. Sorry I didn't make that clear.


I really think that my STBXW was all too successful in hooking up with "her boyfriends" by just going the FB route. But had I thought of it back during the post-separation investagatory phase, I might well have gone there myself greatly to check out any possibility of her participation there.

BTW, do those AM folks actually post up their photos there?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> BTW, do those AM folks actually post up their photos there?


I don't know about AM, but on SS and AFF they sure do. Lots of them, and of various body parts *GAG*


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Operative words here. *Testosterone really is a mind altering drug*.


Not to be crass here, but as a senior frat brother of mine exclaimed to me back in my frosh college days, * "A hard 'appendage' hath no conscience!" *


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I forget what book it was, one of the ones hubby and I read/worked on for our marriage, that said women should wear a testosterone patch for a day just to experience what it's like having thoughts driven by it.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> When I first found out that my husband was on Adult Friend Finder and SexSearch back in 2010, I started looking up sites like them and was totally blown away. It had never even crossed my mind before that these sites even existed. It's the seedy underbelly of the internet, that's for sure, and made me feel like I needed a long hot soak in lysol every time I surfed them.


No that's not the seedy underbelly of the internet. Adult friend finder is a bogus site with a bunch of fake memberships and it makes it real money off of ads and sexsearch is more of the same. A M is the only one that was really an unknown until it made it on TV. IF you find someone on Adult Friend Finder they joined because they don't know much about the internet and bought into the bogus advertising. The seedy underbelly is much much older and harder to find than these sites. Trust me on that one. The only site that is setup to facilitate A's is AM the rest are just 20% real and /80% BS.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

badbane said:


> No that's not the seedy underbelly of the internet. Adult friend finder is a bogus site with a bunch of fake memberships and it makes it real money off of ads and sexsearch is more of the same. A M is the only one that was really an unknown until it made it on TV. IF you find someone on Adult Friend Finder they joined because they don't know much about the internet and bought into the bogus advertising. The seedy underbelly is much much older and harder to find than these sites. Trust me on that one. The only site that is setup to facilitate A's is AM the rest are just 20% real and /80% BS.


I would disagree. I met my current SO on AFF. And we current have a couples profile on there, where we get quite a few connections on a weekly basis from local people in the lifestyle. There's lots of real people on there, at least locally. 

This is probably all TMI...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

PBear said:


> This is probably all TMI...


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

badbane said:


> No that's not the seedy underbelly of the internet. Adult friend finder is a bogus site with a bunch of fake memberships and it makes it real money off of ads and sexsearch is more of the same. A M is the only one that was really an unknown until it made it on TV. IF you find someone on Adult Friend Finder they joined because they don't know much about the internet and bought into the bogus advertising. The seedy underbelly is much much older and harder to find than these sites. Trust me on that one. The only site that is setup to facilitate A's is AM the rest are just 20% real and /80% BS.


Are you referring to the TOR network?


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## punkinhead (Mar 19, 2013)

Not only did I snoop on some of those sites, but I actually found my STBXH's profiles and learned a lot more about his activity than I bargained for. Talk about some "mind movies" you can't get out of your head... the idiot actually had videos posted of him cheating with other (skanky) women.


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## LRgirl (Apr 9, 2013)

Quote:
Originally Posted by GTdad 
*BTW, do those AM folks actually post up their photos there?*

Yes a lot of them do!!


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

I went looking for my wife. I remember thinking... All these people look normal. I dont understand it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

Before everything... I was as naive as they come.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No. I snooped on Doc's site. Sickening. I saw the post that made Doc close his site down. Truly sick-making.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> No. I snooped on Doc's site. Sickening. I saw the post that made Doc close his site down. Truly sick-making.


What was up with that change of heart?

I remember him posting here and having a good discussion with the regulars but wasn't around when he shut it down.

What led him to close it down?


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

There was a wayward who loved humiliating her husband, making him 'clean up' after she was with a long string of men.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

I have looked - I didn't see my WH on that one, although he was on a dating site - that's where he met the OW. I found him on there as soon as she told me which one - he was on the first page of results. He even posted pics on there which I took of him on our honeymoon, and one I took of him the morning after we got engaged, looking up at me from the sofa, his eyes full of love.

I felt sick and disgusted that he'd actually spent money looking for other women.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

FrusteratedJoey said:


> Before everything... I was as naive as they come.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, Joey! No one was more naive than I was! In fact, I think that this picture below most aptly describes my absolute lack of knowledge about STBXW's scurilous covert activities rather well!


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## LRgirl (Apr 9, 2013)

_I could possibly get shot for this, but here goes.....this is some married guy on AM_


****I’m not going to beat around the bush and tell you I’m some sort of hopeless romantic that enjoys long walks on the beach, cuddling, and thunderstorms. You’re not here to know that about me but if that is what you are looking for then there are hundreds of profiles for single men in this site.’

As for me, I am a happily (mostly) married man that desires a sexual relationship, along with a friendship (I can’t sleep with someone I don’t enjoy being around). I would like to meet a woman that is easy to talk to, has no problem dealing with a smartass (that’s me!) by having an intellectual conversation, and agrees that this should be a mutual relationship – we both please each other.

I may or may not sleep with a woman on the first date. I’d like to get to know you over a couple of drinks to see if we click on both an emotional and physical level. I’m not shallow, but I do need to be attracted to my partner. My description of the perfect affair partner is someone that is married, or have a very good reason for a discrete affair (absolute MUST), is attractive, has a sense of humour, and is intelligent.
Do I seek anything else from you other than sex? Yes, actually I do. Not an emotional relationship, however it would be nice if you’re also available to go out for drinks from time to time, maybe have a meal, or watch a movie. In summary the relationship shouldn’t be all about sex. My marriage is very boring, although I do love my wife. I need a little spice in my life. I’m not looking for a one-night stand. I could go out to a bar to find that. I want a woman that will stick around for a while. If you do, I promise I’ll give you plenty in return! If you meet have the above qualities, I’d love to hear from you
Oh yes as for my picture i have put one online. I will be happy to email further pictures to you but I will be uncomfortable posting more pictures on the site.*****


I pity this guys wife, she can not have a clue what her _lovely_ husband, and _perfect_ daddy to her kids is really, truly like. 

He's bored bless him!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

tacoma said:


> What was up with that change of heart?
> 
> I remember him posting here and having a good discussion with the regulars but wasn't around when he shut it down.
> 
> What led him to close it down?


The WW who thought it was hilarious when her poor, broken husband cried when he found out about her cheating.

It was that member of his site who made him think: "Just what kind of people am I attracting here?"


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Yes I too have been on those sites. Set up a few profiles. Spent a few afternoons looking for my man. He wasn't to be found thankfully. Though there are so many sites out there that it seemed a total waste of time....I got bored in the end and haven't looked since. 

But yes, what a shock to find he was searching, and PAID for the site registration, to have a f*ck with a married woman. This was on a 2month break we had. And he was not fussy! 

Now although this is the 1st bit of info he has come willingly clean on since DD and TT, and he could have easily hidden it because I had no clue (though I did ask him about online dating due to a Google search he did 3 days after we split, so maybe he thought I had some info and that is why he came clean?) he did delete all his activity in there before we met back up again after the break. And he cancelled the account....And the new email account he set up!

What I found though when I reactivated it was all the standard replies (when someone ignores a request, wink, message, it sends a standard reply after several days) that came trickling back over the following 30 days with all his subject headers in the replies! And these women were not chosen....it was basically anyone with a heartbeat.

Fu*k he is gross. He disgusts me! 

Oh, and he is no longer my man! Funnily enough though, not because of this!


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

LRgirl said:


> _I could possibly get shot for this, but here goes.....this is some married guy on AM_
> 
> 
> ****I’m not going to beat around the bush and tell you I’m some sort of hopeless romantic that enjoys long walks on the beach, cuddling, and thunderstorms. You’re not here to know that about me but if that is what you are looking for then there are hundreds of profiles for single men in this site.’
> ...


Although Doc is closed (TG), there's still a couple of other cheater boards where doc's following landed. They still give each other advice on how to act with contacts from AM, POF, AFF and all the others. They're a cunning lot.


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## PastOM (Apr 12, 2013)

LRgirl said:


> _I could possibly get shot for this, but here goes.....this is some married guy on AM_
> 
> 
> ****I’m not going to beat around the bush and tell you I’m some sort of hopeless romantic that enjoys long walks on the beach, cuddling, and thunderstorms. You’re not here to know that about me but if that is what you are looking for then there are hundreds of profiles for single men in this site.’
> ...


Holy cow! Really?? His marriage would be great if he wrote this to his wife ... what a waste!


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Who is Doc?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

FrusteratedJoey said:


> I went looking for my wife. I remember thinking... All these people look normal. I dont understand it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Same here. In those dark days immediate after DDay, my mind was in overdrive, and I seriously wondered if my WW was having an EA on me with an old HS flame who was in another country, might there be an OM who is in the local area? I began to question the last few years, trying to remember if I missed any signs of a local affair. So I registered on AM, AFF, and a few other sites to see if she had a profile anywhere. Didn't find any.


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## LRgirl (Apr 9, 2013)

I don't get how these people who are actively seeking married people to cheat with....why are they not worried that someone they know might come across their profile.

So many of them post photographs of themselves....and lots send keys for the private photographs to be viewed.

How do they know their wife isn't on their snooping....like I am?

They mustn't have very good imaginations :smthumbup: or they might worry they will be caught out!

I almost did something really bad, and posted a photo of OW (which i took from FB) onto AM and set her up a profile  I know where she lives too.......

Obviously I didn't, but only because I don't want to get myself into trouble.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Just some opinions here about this...I found out last year that 3 years prior H had set up profiles on sites such as AM, Sexsearch, etc. looking for no strings attached sex as he put in his ad. He said he was not serious, just curious, plus he was having trouble with impotence so he was confused and I guess wanted to see if it was just me that he could not get it up for (thanks dear H) or anybody else. He said no way he would ever meet anyone he was just curious and confused about his sexual issue...do you buy that?

He put in his ads that he was lookng for no strings sex as he was not getting anything at home. I don't know to me why would you take the time to put an ad in if you were not serious?????


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I don't buy that at all. At least my hubby was honest enough to tell me that his intention WAS to meet up for sex.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

highwood said:


> *He said he was not serious, just curious
> 
> wanted to see if it was just me that he could not get it up for...or anybody else.
> 
> ...


I am surprised you are even asking this question highwood (or have I totally got the wrong end of the stick?). I have seen your posts and you are a very savvy poster....and yet you pose a question like someone who just arrived here today!


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

LRgirl said:


> I don't get how these people who are actively seeking married people to cheat with....why are they not worried that someone they know might come across their profile.
> 
> So many of them post photographs of themselves....and lots send keys for the private photographs to be viewed.
> 
> ...


You can post her on several boards like shes a homewrecker or cheaterville


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Remains said:


> I am surprised you are even asking this question highwood (or have I totally got the wrong end of the stick?). I have seen your posts and you are a very savvy poster....and yet you pose a question like someone who just arrived here today!


The reason I posted that was to get it from a male perspective..I understand that for men to go thru sexual issues is very difficult and affects them greatly. So I wanted some male opinions on this type of situation..


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## LRgirl (Apr 9, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> You can post her on several boards like shes a homewrecker or cheaterville


Not sure we use these in UK? Are they open to the public to have a nosey at?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

LRgirl said:


> Not sure we use these in UK? Are they open to the public to have a nosey at?


check your PM


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

When I created the AM account to look for my W to see if she had an account I had almost no information up, and the profile data they require you to fill out was lame/vague. I still got about a dozen "flirts" right away. I suspect that a lot of the women are for hire.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

highwood said:


> The reason I posted that was to get it from a male perspective..I understand that for men to go thru sexual issues is very difficult and affects them greatly. So I wanted some male opinions on this type of situation..


If I couldn't get it up the last thing I would do is go looking for other women to disappoint... just saying.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Ovid said:


> If I couldn't get it up the last thing I would do is go looking for other women to disappoint... just saying.


:rofl:


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

highwood said:


> The reason I posted that was to get it from a male perspective..I understand that for men to go thru sexual issues is very difficult and affects them greatly. So I wanted some male opinions on this type of situation..


Nope, he's feeding you a line of crap.

The only way his story would make sense is if he did actually meet up to see if he could get it up.

He fully intended to cheat.


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