# awful anniversary



## nevada65 (Dec 10, 2012)

i've been married to the love of my life for nearly 19 years. we share 5 children, three are now adults. the youngest are 11 and 13. she is the most wonderful person, an absolutely dedicated mother, and the sexiest woman i have ever known.
she has always had issues with my fidelity, near constant suspicison, regular accusations, none of them accurate. i am, if nothing else, a faithful husband.
the first 10 or so years of our marriage were wonderful, sorry, that's an understatement, i was living every man's dream. she was unbelievable. i worked 70 and 80 hours a week, to give her everything she even thought she wanted, she was free to raise our kids, run our household, and managed to be more, to me, than any man deserves.
after the birth of our youngest child, she decided to have her tubes tied. taking place in febuary, she commented that "we could have all the sex we wanted without the uncertainity of becoming pregnant again,a 'Valentine's gift'". not the ominus portent it turned out to be. 
that began a 5 year run of only having sex, at night, mostly, at bedtime, every 2 to 6 weeks. after nearly 10 years of not being able to be in the same room for more than 10 minutes without ending up naked, it was hard to adjust.
i betrayed her trust by watching inernet porn. that was 5 years ago, almost destroyed our marriage. i promised to spend the rest of my life making up for that, and we reconciled, i thought.
nearly a year ago, she accused me of having an affair, online, or via text, i'm not clear as to which. she gives numbers off my cel, and emails as evidence. they are wrong numbers, and junk mail. she says i have had a profile on Hi5 since 2006, listed as single, and interacting with women. i have not. think she clicked a link from a piece of junkmail, probably at that time. 
that has led us to spending the last year sleeping in seperate rooms. she say's we are "seperated", acts single, comes and goes without notice, has"'disappeared " for two entire weekends, etc.
i have tried to remain hopeful, there are moments of promise, but no real progress. she has even quit going to her individual therapist, and our couples therapist(only 3 visits).
this is killing me...literally. my drinking is horrible, my frustration tolerance is almost non existant, and while i still manage to work 70 hours a week, spend quality time with our 2 minor children, and help raise the 2 grandchildren our eldest daughter has brought to live with us, after her marriage went down the drain. i'm considering pulling the plug on what's left of the marriage.
i feel lost. like my entire universe has spun out of reach. every time our eyes meet, she knows what i'm thinking, she smiles, that smile that she knows lights my soul on fire. and yet she slams the door on every overt advance. our "seperation consists of her sharing a room with our 11 year old son. she still drives our vehicles, which i am to maintain and pay for, she has unrestricted access to our bank account, which only my direct deposit checks, fund, i still have to report my comings and goings, or i have to listen to how i'm "out with one of my internet *****s".
i'd rather die, than live like this, and almost, prefer that, than having my second marriage fail.
the darkness is gaining on me.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

I'm trying to figure this one out. Why has she always had issues with your infidelity although you claim you have never cheated on her? What is driving that reaction in her? 

What's also wrong with watching a little internet pornography? Unless you totally were obsessed with it, I don't see why you have to spend the rest of your life making up for it. 

There is something strange going on here and maybe you are not sharing enough information with us. It sounds like that after your wife got her tubes tied, everything went downhill from there. These things take time. You need to analyze why your wife is feeling like this. What has lead her to behave this way? 

Are you also up for a little spying? You said she lives in a separate room, so why not add a key logger in her computer while she is away? That way you can see who she is communicating with. Put a Voice activated recorder in the room or car as well. Keep your eyes and ears open. 

Strange behavior like hers usually indicates there is another man in the scenario. You need evidence, and once you find out there is another person, do not blow up and rub it in her face. Keep it to yourself first and try to digest the whole situation.....why it happened, what was your share in making it happen, and what do you plan to do about it.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Alpha said:


> I'm trying to figure this one out. Why has she always had issues with your infidelity although you claim you have never cheated on her? What is driving that reaction in her?


He says that he has consistently worked 70 to 80 hours a week. I work in information technology and there are times when I have projects that require at least that. Systems don't have 9-5 schedules. There were years I couldn't celebrate New Years because systems I was responsible for had year-end processing schedules. For the big 2000 year end, I left a party being hosted at my house so that I could be at the office before midnight to make sure everything was working. From 2005 to 2008 I worked at a startup and there were times I slept in my office. My wife has during those times asked me if I'm cheating on her. She was highly suspicious. It seemed like a ridiculous accusation considering how much stress I was under and how difficult it was ... but I understand. I would wonder the same thing. Most people never work that much and we all know about the classic ... "I have to work late honey." I think my wife is still suspicious of those days ... she has no idea what I do for a living, just that I'm a computer guy.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Working 70-80 hours a week leaves very little time for you and your wife to spend together. 

Between little time together, and the number of hours you work could easily lead to her suspicions of you cheating. Plus my bet is that she felt very much alone and abandoned.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

.. I think my wife is still suspicious of those days ... she has no idea what I do for a living said:


> That's some serious communication issues there if your wife has no real idea what you do for a living. Maybe she doesn't care just as long as you put a roof over the head and food on the table. And if that's the case, your foundation is built on straw and not brick.
> 
> Something is going with Nevada that isn't being shared totally with us. I don't think anyone can make a quick turnaround like that from couldn't keep their clothes on to living in separate rooms.
> 
> So he works long hours and she may get lonely. Doesn't give her reason to cheat on him (if she is indeed). Nevada will need to make a serious effort to bring the relationship back to where it used to be.


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## nevada65 (Dec 10, 2012)

wow...sorry i didn't spill this when i first joined this site. read...and tried to get a "feel' for how things worked. 
where to start...
what's important...


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