# need the ladies advise



## speedy69 (Jun 21, 2012)

ok so been married 5 years together 7 have two kids 3yrs and 9 months.
we were the best of mates and had the perfect relationship, once the kids came along i started working more and more, some of my work my wife and i used to do together before children.
anyway over the last three years the passion has been lost and my wife has been struggling with the kids (we have no family where we live) until this rescent blow up i didnt realise the full depth of how much she was struggling.
I am a good father to my boys and spend every moment outside of work with them and my wife and i help out as much as possible while not working.
during this resent blow up my wife said she has been exhausted for a long time and not been interested in sex, infact she no longer finds me attractive and doesnt even know if whe wants to continue the marriage.
we are sleeping in seperate beds at the moment for what startged off as her needing some rest as i am tending the children at night at the moment but i think she maybe staying in the other bed now because she doesnt want to sleep with me, im not sure.
so i have stopped working past 5 and i now come straight in and take over every thing when i get in, i have also put both kids in day care 4 days a week to give her a break and let her concentrate on her business which she is starting from home. she feels i have not been there for her and she has been trying to tell me, i have had a lot on my plate also, i too am exhausted and struggling to keep up, i had just figured it would get better once our youngest started which i originally wanted to hold off till he was one, i never intended to push her this way i just didnt realise.
this all happened three weeks ago, she hanst talked about it ith me although we have both seen a councillor seperatly and i dont want to pressure her into talking to me about it.
she is not indicating that she will leave, still talking to me good as, and we are still making plans for christmas and are going away for a night next weekend.
she has not said i love you for some time and i would imagine sex is not on the cards for some time, i am not pushing that, i am just trying to be supportive and change all the things that she felt i was not doing my part with, basically i am doing everything i can.
having said that i have been providing financial security for my family, i dont spend any of it on myself.
i dont want to push her but i am starting to feel a little disheartened, will she ever look at me the same again? what can i do help make this right?? has any one else been on the other side of the other side of the fence?


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## ItMatters (Jun 6, 2012)

I'm bumping this thread up- but you need to search on the 180. 

A lot of folks will ask about an affair.

If you work on YOU while sharing chores with your wife (not as an attempt to curry favor, but because that's what a partner should do) and become more confident that you are a strong, desirable, good choice for a mate- that might make her sit up and notice.


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## OneDayAAT (Jun 29, 2012)

Communication is key for your situation; it sounds like you are in limbo and don't know what is really going on with your wife, can you talk with her now and see if the changes you have made are helping? You said you are going away next weekend, can you make that a special weekend, pamper her and do the things you use to do before you had kids? Think back to the good times and what it was you did before kids, can you spend some quality time together doing those things? Sometimes you just need to show more attention, more affection, more kindness and the fire rekindles.


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