# Should I stay in, or leave Our Marriage?



## TCamp (Jul 16, 2012)

My Husband and I have two Kids (3 and 5). My Husband's Family helps Us out with support, finances and are very kind to everyone. They look after Our Kids whenever we want. My Husband does anything I ask, and gets me anything I want, he is as generous as his Family and Friends. We go on a cruise (my choice) for 10 days every February, rent a cabin on a lake (my choice) for 10 days in the summer, plus Christmas breaks, and weekend getaways whenever. I drive a brand new top of the line 7 passenger SUV. My Husband drives a 1994 bare bones van. We have a camper, boat, motor bikes, snowmobiles, 3 collector cars, 1 house we rent out, and We all live in a gorgeous 5 bedroom Home. We truly have it all, and are very fortunate. When dating till present my Husband has always carried everything saying that I would/did carry kids for 9 1/2 months each and then some. He pees sitting down and taught my son to do the same so that our toilets will not be guy messy for me to clean, not that I clean them very often as he usually does them as he says ladies should not have the clean bathrooms. He does most of the dusting, everything outside, cleans the mirrors, scrubs the floors does most of the vacuuming, cooks once a week, sews, irons, does laundry and dishes, tries to fix everything, and still finds time for me and our Kids. My Husband makes everything happen for his Family. I was looking at perfume. My Husband snuck back and was not sure what one I liked so he bought them both for me. I go out with my friends once a week, we eat out once a week after a Family activity , and my Husband brings a meal home once a week. My Husband is well like by all. He excels at work, works hard, and changes his whole work schedule around to fit my needs and Our Family's needs. I go away to visit my friends out of state/province two or more times a year. There is a small roughed up section on the side of my engagement ring with a diamond in bedded in it. He says that finding me was like finding a diamond in the rough. He cuts Our Kids Hair and does their hair every time We go out. He makes all their Birthday cakes (whatever they ask him to create, a fire truck and a Princess for example) and everyone cant wait to see them. He gets Our Kids ready while I get my self ready. He always complements me as do Our Kids now. He doesn't care if I don't shower for a week or have not shaved for a while. Takes care of Our Kids and keeps everything quiet in the mornings so that I can sleep in. My Husband has morals, is polite, has never done drugs, smoked or drank alcohol. I got him swearing. He has no addictions, stays away from all temptations, strip clubs, VLTs/casinos, and Pornography. He has never cheated or told me a lie. My Husband is a great Dad. 

However my Husband feels that he should be invited out with me when other guys have been invited. He thinks We should turn off our cell phones at the door as everyone has our home number. He feels I spend too much time on Facebook/social media/texting/e-mailing, and playing Facebook/i-Pod games. He would like phone calls during supper time and after 9pm to stop, unless its an emergency, something that cant wait, or Family calling. He feels that Our kids stay out too late (12:45am- 2:45am once a week) and go everywhere with Us. He says We should have a weekly Date Night with just the two of Us. He feels Our kids should have a consistent bed time to give us alone time with each other every night. He feels Our Family needs to have regular Church attendance, and I feel you should not have to go to Church to believe in God. He doesn't want me to contacting my ex boyfriends. He wanted me to wait till now to get a job, he wanted the kids to be a little older. He wanted me to wait to get a cell phone until the Kids started School or until I got a job. He does like me, not wanting a joint bank account, Facebook account, and knowing each others passwords. He wants me to show affection and I am just not like that. He doesn't want us having a Dog right now, he wants to wait till the kids are older (8 and 10-ish). He thinks I shouldn't get a tattoo or should at least wait a while, he also feels they are addictive and I will want more. He has issues with sudden change like me now wearing padded push-up bras. He is always saying be careful when I wear bikinis he thinks only We should see my assets. He doesn't like it when I just take pictures of myself. He doesn't like that he is in very few pictures as I only take pics of me with Our Kids. He doesn't want Our Kids to be inside my Dad's house or the house my Mom and Grandma live in, for long periods of time as they smoke inside. But he Loves his In-laws and gets along with them. He doesn't like people smoking in front of or around Our Kids

We have had many fights about these things and the little things that get over looked like the lights and computer being left on, and water pooling on the floor after baths, shower and baths with no fan on etc. It seems like we fight every night. I want Out. I feel nothing any more. I am not Happy. I got a job, got my own cell phone, Visa card and bank account, changed all my passwords, and I have him sleep in a different bed room. I have cut off all kind words, touch and intimacy. I complain when he shows my affection and says nice things to me. I tell him we are not together and that we are separated. I tell him I do not love him and that I am done trying. We started seeing a Councillor. I see him to get out of the Marriage and my Husband sees him to work on the Marriage.

The Councillor keeps saying to give Our Marriage a chance. He provided Us with books that I don't read, one deals with ways to have healthy communication, and one called Married To Distraction. My Husband Bought Dr. Laura's The Proper Care and Feeding Of Husbands and The Proper Care and Feeding Of A Marriage. He bought Mort Fertel's Put Love First, Principles & Practices That'll Transform Your Marriage. Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness, 4 Steps To Building & Maintaining Phenomenal Love. He believes its possible for me to be happy and to love again. Everyone tell him to leave me but he wont. He says he Loves me and will do anything. He wrote me a contract confessing his Love for me and how he promises to treat me, and no fighting. He told me to wright down what I want to be able to do and he will live with it. this contract is only valid if I honestly try and make chances for what he feels relationships needs. This contract is a day by day contract.

Should I give my Husband and Marriage a chance and stay, or should I go. Please help me make the right choice.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

I believe that age doesn't matter, its just a number. I was introduced to my Husband through mutual friends who belong to a roller skating group aged 16 and up, that we are in. I begged him to date me and he said that Our age difference would be a problem. After a while and with everyone telling him he would be crazy not to, He said we could date on two conditions. #1 only if my Dad, Mom, and Grandma agreed with it, and #2 that We would never lie about Our ages. We began dating. He being a clean and moral guy had issues with my past and this caused him to be a ass and we fought. At 18 I Married my Husband of 29. We had Kids 1 1/2 years apart, and I breast fed them until the weened themselves. 4 Years ago I lost my Grandpa to cancer I still have a lot of guilt, that I did not travel 1100km to spend his last Christmas with him. 3 Years ago my Dad got cancer and was Ok. 1 Year ago my Mom was on the back of her BF's motorbike traveling at 80km/hr and was rear ended by an impaired driver traveling at 210km/hr. My Mom face and numerous scars will never be the same again, and she will never get her eve sight back or the mobility she once had. Now 10 months ago my Dad's cancer came back and he will not do chemo again and will not attend any Dr. appointments. He will just let it run its course. So here I am at 24 loosing my Dad and I an supposed to care about running away from turmoil in my Marriage. 

I came from a broken home and never had a close relationship with my Dad as they were never Married and I grew up 1100km away with my Mom and Grandma. Now my Dad has moved to Our city, however he works out of town and is only home 5 or 6 days a week. My Mom and I have planed to have supper with my Dad every time he comes to town. I really need this because I have never had dinner with my Mom and Dad before and I need to have a relationship with my Dad. My husband thinks he should be welcome to join us. He says that he and Our Kids should have an opportunity to have a closer relationship with him as well and feels like he should want the same. He doesn't understand my need to be alone with my Dad for us to bond, and he grones every time I go. I also want to spend every weekend that hes in town with him and stay at his house. My Husband thinks this is unhealthy for Our Marriage and that I should sleep at Our home or that my Dad can come over to stay. I just want to be close to my Dad before he is gone. My Husband says that my Dad is proud of me and what I've become and that my Dad would not want to take away from Us.

During Our Marriage I have cooked, cleaned, done dishes, vacuumed, and done other household things all the time including never cheating, living a clean life, I have never gone clubbing, and sitting home day after day for 6 years looking after Our two Kids. I did not see my friends or Family as much. I only get my hair cut 3 times a year, and thats the only pampering I get other than my Husband massaging my feet, trying to massage my back, and scratching my back with the nails that he keeps long for that purpose (one nail is short for a different purpose). I do not do the grocery shopping or for that matter spend money on anything really. I very rarely buy cloths or shoes. My Husband always tells everyone how lucky he is when they talk about their wives spending. I do a lot in Our Marriage, including putting up with the BS that comes with it. And my Husband does help out around the house but I have to ask him to and He does procrastinates quite a bit. 

Three years ago we started fighting all the time. I got back from a holiday I was on and informed my Husband that I was wanting a divorce. He said that I should have been letting him know if he was doing something wrong or had slacked of on something like opening the car door for me etc. He said that it was not fare that he was the last person to know that I was going to end it and that he was not given a chance to fix it, and that I should have never let it get this bad without working together to fix it. During this time I was honest and told him that I had been searching on the internet for my ex BF. I said I wanted to contact him to see how he was because I heard from my best friend that he was not happy in his Marriage. My husband was not happy. I said that my ex BF was the only guy I've loved. that he was the best sex I have ever had and that he would do it with me 3 times in a day. I said that I haven't loved my husband since I Married him and that He sucked in bed and I hate him. During this time he called me a B!t(h, through a TV controller across the room, broke a cell phone in half when I said that I was going to take Our kids away from him, punched a door apart, and put his fist through another door. We got into Marriage Counselling. My Husband started taking his meds again. The counselor told Us that We needed to learn to communicate properly and that is why We fought. He said that We have no real issues or problems that bring couples into his office. We bought several books that he recommended. One for my Husband about dealing with anger. One called Married To Distraction (geared toward myself). and 2 helping Marriage books for Us , one was called 'The Seven Principles For Making A Marriage Work'. My Husband read all the books. I read parts of one book and the 2 chapters that dealt with communication skills. I did not read the rest because I don't get much from reading. I am more hands on I guess. We did good for a while with Our Marriage with talking not fighting. I gave in and was greeting my Husband at the door when he got home from work, initiating sex a few times, and complimenting him. Fast forward 3 years and here We are fighting once more. I just got back from a holiday I was on and when he came home from work I said I leaving you, I want to separate and then a divorce. He is mad and does cry a lot but he has no anger issues this time. He got mad with me when I showed him a picture with a guy I just met with one arm around my best friend and the other around me. And then claims that I was on a date with him because we went sightseeing together. It was not a date because he is just my friend and I have no interest in him. Also we had a 5 year old with us. He needs to get over it. There is nothing wrong with me being alone with a male friend. We had this issue 3 years ago when my Husband was ok with me going out for dinner or to a movie with a male friend of mine. He was OK with it until his friends and Family started telling him that my friend was over stepping his boundaries, and that what I was doing was inappropriate. I had been friends with my friend before I met my Husband. and My Husband thinks I should stop being alone with him and considers going out with my friend for dinner and then a movie a date. Whatever. 

And No I am not in an affair.

And He says that he does not do anything to be controlling. He says that the word should be changed to concerned, protective, for the welfare of Our Family etc.

I take it that should change the fact that my friends do not see Us as Us, and do not invite my Husband out when the invite me. I never go anyway because all they want to do is party or go clubbing.

I am appreciative. I just have a hard time showing it when We fight all the time and when I am not happy..
Can I/is it possible to save Our Marriage when I'm not happy and not feeling it right now. How can I stay and put in my 100% when I don't have any Love and respect. When I cant in-vision or trust it will go any where, that I will get feelings back, and that our Marriage will get better as it did not work last time I tried.


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

Troll???


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## TCamp (Jul 16, 2012)

Pardon me, MadeInMichigan


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

Just the first thing that popped in my head....possibly?


1. troll


One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument


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## TCamp (Jul 16, 2012)

MadeInMichigan said:


> Just the first thing that popped in my head....possibly?
> 
> 
> 1. troll
> ...


 Wow. Not my intention. This is a big life altering decision that I am making and Questioning.


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

Fair enough.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You seem to be very cognizant of what is "good" and "bad" in him, but not what is "good" or "bad" in yourself.

Personally, I would find his "preferences" about my personal time to be controlling, but I find his preferences about family time to be fair. 

I suspect that the reason you chafe at the type of commitment he wants from you (to the family, to him) is that you have lost attraction for him. 

Help him learn the difference between having his own boundaries and being controlling. I think he must be pretty insecure of your attachment to him--for a good reason (you are ready to leave, and so not attached). But if he started out this way--feeling insecure when you showed clear signs of attachment--his tendency toward jealousy and insecurity may have contributed to the decrease of attachment you feel. 

I would recommend that you read TOGETHER some books like "No More Mr. Nice Guy," and "Married Man Sex Life." I have serious issues with any book that suggests women are "naturally submissive" and that do not promote equality in the partnership--so read them together and discuss what you think might help, and what you would find to be a manifestation of his insecurity and insulting to the idea of you as a partner (vs. him being the Captain and you being "first mate."). 

He needs to increase his edge w/o coming across as insecure and controlling. 

You need to wake up and smell the coffee. He has a lot of great and loving qualities that you can work with--and you are coming across, through your message, like a spoiled princess. I'm not saying you ARE one, just that you might be, based on what you have to say. You will *never* find happiness if you do not take a good look at yourself and how you have contributed to the decline in youIr attachment to him. 

I'm assuming that you were previously attracted to him--is that true?


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## TCamp (Jul 16, 2012)

Yes I was Attracted to him and friends have said that I have a lack of appreciation.


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

notsurewhat2do said:


> Yes I was Attracted to him and friends have said that I have a lack of appreciation.


Really?

I think you should leave this man, immediately. He sounds absolutely dreadful, and his family sounds evil as well.

No one deserves this type of treatment....please leave him immediately, divorce and move on.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Ok, so before you do this to your kids and yourself, get some individual counseling and some marriage counseling. He's too nice and has killed the attraction you felt for him (you lost respect for him and therefore lost attraction to him). If nothing else, the counseling will help both of you be at peace with whatever happens.

Good luck. And, uh, can I have his number just in case things don't work out for the two of you? haha, jk! but really, if your friends are telling you what I have said, then getting him to "man up" some and getting yourself to lose the princess attitude will def. help. Maybe not enough, but it is soooo worth a try. You have a LOT to lose.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yes. This is another typical example of a man being too nice.

I find it ironic that the very qualities a women complains most about what a man should be like and how he should treat his mate, are those exact same qualities tht kill the women's attraction once he displays them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

notsurewhat2do said:


> However my Husband feels that he should be invited out with me when other guys have been invited.


Expand on this. Does this mean he is not invited to certain events where other men are specifically invited? Are they signle men or significant others? Why is he not invited?


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## mattyjman (Jun 6, 2012)

wow... sounds like he does a TON for you... i'm not sure how you couldn't appreciate that.

attraction, that's another story... but i think you could go a long way appreciating the fact that he does SOOO much for you

he needs to man up for sure... you... well, you... good luck. that's all i'm going to say.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

alphaomega said:


> Yes. This is another typical example of a man being too nice.
> 
> I find it ironic that the very qualities a women complains most about what a man should be like and how he should treat his mate, are those exact same qualities tht kill the women's attraction once he displays them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In mature people, this does not happen--but most people marry long before they are truly mature, and they often stop growing if in a relationship/marriage that does not enhance their growth but rather allows them to feel powerful in their less mature state.

NO ONE respects someone they can push around, male or female. (Mature people do not try to push around others--they don't yell and see their partner cower or "jump to" in an attempt to appease them.)

It is not the "being nice" that leads to loss of respect and attraction--it is putting up with mistreatment. Lots of nice guys will still draw the line at being mistreated, so they do not get mistreated (same for women). Others are insecure and fearful that if they insist on respect, they will lose their partner. That insecurity leads them to accept treatment that they should not tolerate--which leads to loss of attraction and respect. Only another immature person will take advantage of another's insecurity, however, so it is a two-way street.


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## 23YearWife (Sep 3, 2010)

Hi, notsurewhat2do

Maybe it'll help if I give you my first reactions as I read each paragraph.

#1 - you've got a great husband; he's a keeper
#2 - most of his requests are reasonable; going to Church will help in raising the kids and, personally, I'd sure as heck give up having a tattoo in exchange for all that's in #1
#3 - i'm completely confused how you got to this point, given #1 and even #2; apparently you feel controlled rather than loved, but this sounds like a guy who will care how you feel if you share your real feelings; so i'm not getting this.
#4 - my opinion? why aren't you reading the books? definitely give this marriage a chance. notice that your longest paragraph is what's right about this guy. it sounds like you're spoiling your own nest, not giving yourself permission to be happy.

I hope you take your time in making this decision because there are at least a million women out there dying for a guy like this. If you let him go, you may not have the chance to get him back.

I sense you're really hurting and I'm not sure your husband is the cause. Maybe delve into childhood issues with a therapist.

Big hugs. Hope all works out.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

notsurewhat2do said:


> My Husband and I have two Kids (3 and 5). My Husband's Family helps Us out with support, finances and are very kind to everyone. They look after Our Kids whenever we want. My Husband does anything I ask, and gets me anything I want, he is as generous as his Family and Friends. We go on a cruise (my choice) for 10 days every February, rent a cabin on a lake (my choice) for 10 days in the summer, plus Christmas breaks, and weekend getaways whenever. I drive a brand new top of the line 7 passenger SUV. My Husband drives a 1994 bare bones van. We have a camper, boat, motor bikes, snowmobiles, 3 collector cars, 1 house we rent out, and We all live in a gorgeous 5 bedroom Home. We truly have it all, and are very fortunate. When dating till present my Husband has always carried everything saying that I would/did carry kids for 9 1/2 months each and then some. He pees sitting down and taught my son to do the same so that our toilets will not be guy messy for me to clean, not that I clean them very often as he usually does them as he says ladies should not have the clean bathrooms. He does most of the dusting, everything outside, cleans the mirrors, scrubs the floors does most of the vacuuming, cooks once a week, sews, irons, does laundry and dishes, tries to fix everything, and still finds time for me and our Kids. My Husband makes everything happen for his Family. I was looking at perfume. My Husband snuck back and was not sure what one I liked so he bought them both for me. I go out with my friends once a week, we eat out once a week after a Family activity , and my Husband brings a meal home once a week. My Husband is well like by all. He excels at work, works hard, and changes his whole work schedule around to fit my needs and Our Family's needs. I go away to visit my friends out of state/province two or more times a year. There is a small roughed up section on the side of my engagement ring with a diamond in bedded in it. He says that finding me was like finding a diamond in the rough. He cuts Our Kids Hair and does their hair every time We go out. He makes all their Birthday cakes (whatever they ask him to create, a fire truck and a Princess for example) and everyone cant wait to see them. He gets Our Kids ready while I get my self ready. He always complements me as do Our Kids now. He doesn't care if I don't shower for a week or have not shaved for a while. Takes care of Our Kids and keeps everything quiet in the mornings so that I can sleep in. My Husband has morals, is polite, has never done drugs, smoked or drank alcohol. I got him swearing. He has no addictions, stays away from all temptations, strip clubs, VLTs/casinos, and Pornography. He has never cheated or told me a lie. My Husband is a great Dad.
> 
> However my Husband feels that he should be invited out with me when other guys have been invited. He thinks We should turn off our cell phones at the door as everyone has our home number. He feels I spend too much time on Facebook/social media/texting/e-mailing, and playing Facebook/i-Pod games. He would like phone calls during supper time and after 9pm to stop, unless its an emergency, something that cant wait, or Family calling. He feels that Our kids stay out too late (12:45am- 2:45am once a week) and go everywhere with Us. He says We should have a weekly Date Night with just the two of Us. He feels Our kids should have a consistent bed time to give us alone time with each other every night. He feels Our Family needs to have regular Church attendance, and I feel you should not have to go to Church to believe in God. He doesn't want me to contacting my ex boyfriends. He wanted me to wait till now to get a job, he wanted the kids to be a little older. He wanted me to wait to get a cell phone until the Kids started School or until I got a job. He does like me, not wanting a joint bank account, Facebook account, and knowing each others passwords. He wants me to show affection and I am just not like that. He doesn't want us having a Dog right now, he wants to wait till the kids are older (8 and 10-ish). He thinks I shouldn't get a tattoo or should at least wait a while, he also feels they are addictive and I will want more. He has issues with sudden change like me now wearing padded push-up bras. He is always saying be careful when I wear bikinis he thinks only We should see my assets. He doesn't like it when I just take pictures of myself. He doesn't like that he is in very few pictures as I only take pics of me with Our Kids. He doesn't want Our Kids to be inside my Dad's house or the house my Mom and Grandma live in, for long periods of time as they smoke inside. But he Loves his In-laws and gets along with them. He doesn't like people smoking in front of or around Our Kids
> 
> ...


I think he deserves better. Send him my way.


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## TCamp (Jul 16, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Expand on this. Does this mean he is not invited to certain events where other men are specifically invited? Are they signle men or significant others? Why is he not invited?


I get invited out for female only trips or evenings. Then it turns out that guys show up. both single and bf of friends. He feels like he should be there to. He feels like my friends and even Family have never really seen Us as Us. He feels like when my friend calls asking me to go out to celebrate her BF's birthday, my friend should be asking Us to attend not just me.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

sisters359 said:


> It is not the "being nice" that leads to loss of respect and attraction--it is putting up with mistreatment. Lots of nice guys will still draw the line at being mistreated, so they do not get mistreated (same for women). Others are insecure and fearful that if they insist on respect, they will lose their partner. That insecurity leads them to accept treatment that they should not tolerate--which leads to loss of attraction and respect. Only another immature person will take advantage of another's insecurity, however, so it is a two-way street.


I don't disagree, but do note that a lot of this "mistreatment" can creep in very slowly and come across as unintentional.

Personally, my wife's did not treat me in a way that was clearly wrong. But she did start to expect that I would clean up after her (leaving a dirty glass by her seat, then wondering why I did not pick it up) and go get things for her when she was clearly able to do so (including asking me to get her something when we were both sitting on the couch). 

I stopped that in time, but just want to note that these things can start off so small that a person may not realize what has happened until too late.


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

notsurewhat2do said:


> I get invited out for female only trips or evenings. Then it turns out that guys show up. both single and bf of friends. He feels like he should be there to. He feels like my friends and even Family have never really seen Us as Us. He feels like when my friend calls asking me to go out to celebrate her BF's birthday, my friend should be asking Us to attend not just me.


In the past, he should have been there, but now that you have told him you are separated, the point is moot.

Just follow through on the separation, and file for D.


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

notsurewhat2do said:


> I get invited out for female only trips or evenings. Then it turns out that guys show up. both single and bf of friends. He feels like he should be there to. He feels like my friends and even Family have never really seen Us as Us. He feels like when my friend calls asking me to go out to celebrate her BF's birthday, my friend should be asking Us to attend not just me.


He should be there, this is your HUSBAND you are talking about.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

notsurewhat2do said:


> I get invited out for female only trips or evenings. Then it turns out that guys show up. both single and bf of friends. He feels like he should be there to. He feels like my friends and even Family have never really seen Us as Us. He feels like when my friend calls asking me to go out to celebrate her BF's birthday, my friend should be asking Us to attend not just me.


And he's right. She should be asking both of you since you are both together now. Why wouldn't he be invited?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

notsurewhat2do said:


> I get invited out for female only trips or evenings. Then it turns out that guys show up. both single and bf of friends. He feels like he should be there to. He feels like my friends and even Family have never really seen Us as Us. He feels like when my friend calls asking me to go out to celebrate her BF's birthday, my friend should be asking Us to attend not just me.


Why is he wrong (your complaint seems to imply that he was)? Why don't you want him to go? It sounds like you billed them as female only, but understood that was not a hard and fast rule. Perhaps he could have come later in the evening? Are any of his concerns valid? Do your friends and family see you two "as US"?


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

I'm sorry I was so nasty with my first response but you are on here asking if you should leave your husband complaining about stuff most of us women are on here complaining that our husband's don't do for us or don't care about and you are complaining about respect that we don't get and desperately try to aquire in our own marriages. You have that and you're acting like it is a huge burden and you can't live with showing the same love and respect back. It kind of makes those of us struggling with a lack of those things bristle a bit.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

If you are being invited to a "females only" event, he does not need to be invited. If other guys show up, however, then call him to join you--you want him to have fun with you, right, and now since others have "broken the rules," you can too. Or maybe you want the freedom to flirt and don't want him around--that's on YOU. If you do not have fun when he is there b/c he's "boring," that is something you can discuss with him. If he wants to come only b/c he doesn't trust you, that is something to discuss, too.

Quite honestly, if an event was billed as "girls only" and my friends let their guys show up, I'd be pissed at them. If they can't have fun on an occasional girls' night out, without guys intruding, then I'm rather insulted--until I accept that this is THEIR problem. Then I tell 'em and I head home--If i'm doing girls night out, I want it to BE girls' night out.


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

daffodilly said:


> This. He should be with someone who deserves what he has to give. I'm with your friends that say you are unappreciative. But if you don't appreciate it, you don't. Leave him and give him a true opportunity to find someone as giving and selfless as he is. But you should physically _leave_, not just sleep in a separate room. If it's over, it's over.


And quit mooching off his generous parents.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

sisters359 said:


> NO ONE respects someone they can push around, male or female. (Mature people do not try to push around others--they don't yell and see their partner cower or "jump to" in an attempt to appease them.)
> 
> It is not the "being nice" that leads to loss of respect and attraction--it is putting up with mistreatment.


What I find weird is that it's hard to tell who is a true door mat and who isn't. I know quite a few men that I thought were confident alpha males, but it turns out they were complete pushovers. After a relationship would end, they would talk about screaming matches and how their gf would throw things at them. I'm completely blown away by this. I'm a stereotype "nice guy" who goes with the flow and follows the leader, but even I would never put up with that kind of BS. 



> Personally, my wife's did not treat me in a way that was clearly wrong. But she did start to expect that I would clean up after her (leaving a dirty glass by her seat, then wondering why I did not pick it up) and go get things for her when she was clearly able to do so (including asking me to get her something when we were both sitting on the couch).
> I stopped that in time, but just want to note that these things can start off so small that a person may not realize what has happened until too late.


Like this. wtf? If a friend calls me at 3am and asks for a ride home, there's a good chance I'll do it, but cleaning up after people who are perfectly capable of doing it themselves seems ridiculous to me.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

1. I'm of the opinion that every invitation for one spouse to go out automatically should be expected to include the other. If one is invited for a day at the beach, the other should alays by default be welcome.

2. You seem to reject his actually trying to put effort and emotion into his direct relationship with you. It seems like you actually expect others to see him wanting date nights with you as wrong, meanwhile you want to keep going out in group social situations and exclude him fom coming too even though other women are bringing their husband or bf.

So you have a guy who puts time and thought into your relationship and you would prefer him to go away and stop bothering you.

So, are you in an affair yet? Is the problem that he is getting in the way of you flirting and getting attention from other men?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

WOW

Talk about someone who should at least be a little apprciative!

Divorce this poor SOB so a great woman who will truly love him can snatch him up and be spoiled by him


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Troll Satire. Kind of funny actually. Its like they read every thread here and threw it all in one post.:smthumbup:


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

I'm trying to figure out what could possibly be so wrong with this guy that she is looking to divorce him. I'm not gay but if I were single I'd seriously consider switching teams if she decided to move aside.


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

What your husband requests sounds completely reasonable in light of what he does.
I did not note where you talked about what you have done to support your marriage. Showing up at counseling isn't enough. what have you done outside of the sessions?


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

my oh my... you live a very privileged life, and it sickens me that you take it for granted. i know money doesnt buy happiness, but come on. you have everything anyone could ever want, and you're crying about a tattoo? 

your hubs sounds terrific. he obviously cares about you after you've treated him so poorly and still wants to work things out. it seems like you have a bit of an entitlement issue. princess syndrome, if you will. 

talking to ex's is a no no. i feel like smacking you with a newspaper like a dog who wet the floor WHEN THEY KNOW THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO. duh?! all the social media crap and the tattoo thing seem like excuses for an underlying issue. the no phone call thing is perfectly reasonable. the bed time thing just sounds like a way to savor some sanity in your household. pick your battles, my friend.. you're letting pools of water from bath time ruin your marriage!! you've gotta learn to let stuff go. he's your husband, and he too gets a say in how your house and kids operate. you're painting his picture to be controlling, but it sounds like he's the sane one in the relationship. 

anyway.. good luck with whatever you decide..


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## HiMaint57 (May 24, 2012)

I would say that if you're not attracted to him anymore, and you aren't happy, then proceed with the divorce. IMO you're acting like a spoiled child and not recognizing all that your husband does for you, and that you'll regret leaving. It's not fair to him to continue with the marriage if you feel as you say you do. Let him have someone who truly appreciates him.


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## cjpa (Jul 17, 2012)

It sounds like you feel very unfulfilled in the marriage...but this has nothing to do with him it sounds. It's your own issues keeping you from feeling satisfied, so rather than condemning a man who apparently has given you a wonderful life, you could try a different approach and just accept the fact that it's you, not him, and move on if you have to. Yes, you will regret it some day down the road (and have a terrible time trying to explain to your kids why you left their awesome daddy), but it's your life, own up to it and make a big girl decision. Just don't justify your actions by blaming someone else.


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

Yes...that's what we keep telling you. It cannot be saved. Leave. Go make your own way in the world. 
Leave today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCamp (Jul 16, 2012)

cjpa said:


> It sounds like you feel very unfulfilled in the marriage...but this has nothing to do with him it sounds. It's your own issues keeping you from feeling satisfied, so rather than condemning a man who apparently has given you a wonderful life, you could try a different approach and just accept the fact that it's you, not him, and move on if you have to. Yes, you will regret it some day down the road (and have a terrible time trying to explain to your kids why you left their awesome daddy), but it's your life, own up to it and make a big girl decision. Just don't justify your actions by blaming someone else.



I do not want to make a mistake and yes Our poor Kids need their Dad. I know I have a great Husband and life. People always told Us that We have an awesome relationship and everyone always wanted us around because we made everyone's day/night. But the constant fighting and arguing has left me feeling nothing and nothing makes me happy. I don't like him holding my hand and I will not allow him in Our bed. How can I stay and work things out if I cant be happy and feel nothing? Is it Possible? I do not want to make a mistake but I don't know what to do.


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## TCamp (Jul 16, 2012)

daffodilly said:


> Do not stay in this marriage. And most importantly, that means stop living off of him. Physically move out immediately.


I don't feel like a wife is living off a Husband when she does what I do for my Husband and We have spent Our money the way We have decided to. And I was a stay at home Mom for years and now I work out of the home full time and am now buying my own stuff.

My Husband wants me to stay and work on Our Marriage. I just don't think It will work out this time as it did not the last time. Am I supposed to wait around another 3 years to see if things stay changed. I just don't see how I can force myself to Love and be happy when I am not. Now every ones letting me know that my Husband has a right to feel certain ways about things OK I get that. But I still have nothing for him and Our Marriage. How can I be happy and fall back in Love with my Husband?????


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

MadeInMichigan said:


> Yes...that's what we keep telling you. It cannot be saved. Leave. Go make your own way in the world.
> Leave today.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with the above. You do not sound right together. I would normally say stay together for the kids, but your poor husband should not have to be put through this. I really wanted to see your side, but I can't. It's like you have no respect for him and once that is gone it is hard to go back.


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## vmiracle81 (Jul 15, 2012)

Really...... seriously.... do you really think you should divorce this man.... There are 100 ladies on here that wishes their men were this good..... But of course you know this because you have at least one friend in this world...... I swear... I read over this and read over some of the other posts in this blog and I couldnt believe my eyes...... I know we are supposed to respect all people who post on here but I think this is seriously placed here with the intention of getting attention....... All I can say is WOW..... If youi leave this guy and go back to the dating world you will really miss your man... Cause you wont get half of the men out there to do half of the things he does.... Good luck


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## 23YearWife (Sep 3, 2010)

notsurewhat2do said:


> But the constant fighting and arguing has left me feeling nothing and nothing makes me happy..


Solution: Stop arguing. It takes two to do it. Just stop. It's amazing what not reacting in yo-yo fashion does. Try it. Don't reply. Take a breath...two or three. Say nothing for a change. It will break the combat spell and give you guys a chance to actually listen to each other.




notsurewhat2do said:


> I don't like him holding my hand and I will not allow him in Our bed. How can I stay and work things out if I cant be happy and feel nothing? Is it Possible? I do not want to make a mistake but I don't know what to do.


Based on what you say, your feelings of unhappiness are not all his fault. My guess is that if you divorce him and find a new man, you'll soon be unhappy with him as well.

Is there something you're willing to do in terms of self-help? Therapy? Marriage counseling? Anything? Meditation? Until they try it, most people don't believe it could be the answer. It's the reason I'm progressing in life.

In short, I honestly think you need to work on YOU.


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## TCamp (Jul 16, 2012)

23YearWife said:


> Solution: Stop arguing. It takes two to do it. Just stop. It's amazing what not reacting in yo-yo fashion does. Try it. Don't reply. Take a breath...two or three. Say nothing for a change. It will break the combat spell and give you guys a chance to actually listen to each other.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thank you.


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