# What to do....advise please.



## Ann_Marie

I started working with my husband (call in D) in 2004. I was married to someone else and he was just getting married. We remained somewhat friends until 2010 when things changed..we fell in love. Yes, I was still married and divorced my husband of 20 years (we have 2 children). D was single. I married D in 2012 and had a daughter with him. I know a lot about D. I know he used to look at porn all the time and caught him at work once, in an upstairs office, jerking off. This was before I had feelings for him. It honestly grossed me out that he would do that with me in the building nevermind the Boss could walk in at any time. He also used to webchat (aka jerk off to women on webcams while they masturbate etc). He was on several adult sites (adultfriendfinder, swappernet, etc. to many to name.) I found the sites, broke into them and was shocked at some of the stuff he used to do and pics he put up of himself. His first marriage ended with him leaving his wife for someone he met online. She was the 3rd woman he had cheated on his wife with from adult website meets. She left him for someone else after only about 2 years of marriage for a guy she met on the internet. D was devastated but moved on quick with a new chic within days of her leaving. While with his first and second wife he did all the porn watching he could, massage parlors for happy endings, webcams, you name it he did it. I was aware of all of this when we got together because he is a good guy (believe it or not) and I trusted he would stop because he said he would. He said initially he looked at porn, etc. because he wasn't happily married the first time. Okay, I understood, kind of. But then he carried on with his second wife the same way. I saw him do it at work, saw emails to meet women in CL (he swears he never did), lots of chatting, you name it. She left as you know. Onto his girlfriend after the 2 failed marriages. He was still looking at porn but not as much but still cruising CL for hookups although he claims he never did meet anyone. He promised to stop all porn BS with me. After only 2 months living together I found it on his work computer. I freaked and he claimed he was an addict and promised to stop. I haven't found any since, but have found nude pics. He doesn't do that anymore or so I can see. Our job now has a porn block on the web so he can't. But he can still look at tits and ass, graphic pics if he should choose too. In conversation I have found out a lot of stuff he lied about to be true later. Things he said he never did with 2nd wife he did do (for example massage parlors). I recently found out he looked at child porn. This is freaking me out. He said only once he stumbled across it. My question was direct: did you watch it and jerk off to it? He said yes. I found out the other day it was more than once and he got upset with me when I asked how old they the kids were. I don't know what to do or thing. I feel sick. I love him to pieces and he really is a good man with a big problem. I can go on and on about things but that is the bulk of it. Please comment.


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## GTdad

Ann_Marie said:


> I recently found out he looked at child porn. This is freaking me out. He said only once he stumbled across it. My question was direct: did you watch it and jerk off to it? He said yes. I found out the other day it was more than once
> 
> ...
> 
> Please comment.


The other stuff just tells me that you likely chose poorly. The part I excerpted above tells me that this goes way beyond that. This guy is a criminal, and honestly I'd turn him into law enforcement. You CANNOT turn a blind eye to use, repeated use apparently, of child porn.


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## mablenc

Sounds like he needs lots of help. I am not sure you are the person to help him. Run.


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## SecondTime'Round

You are a mother. You may not have a legal obligation to turn this man in (??), but you sure as hell have a moral one. Think of the children who were victimized so this "great man" could get his rocks off.


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## Ann_Marie

We talked about it last night. They were teens. He said he hates what he did. ..I found out it was 4.5 years ago. ugh...don't know what to do or think. Too much ..I feel sick


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## SecondTime'Round

Ann_Marie said:


> We talked about it last night. They were teens. He said he hates what he did. ..I found out it was 4.5 years ago. ugh...don't know what to do or think. Too much ..I feel sick


Underage is underage. Does he think the fact they were teens makes it somehow better? Why do you even believe him? How did you even find out about this?


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## Ann_Marie

He told me.


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## Ann_Marie

I was molested by my father. Earliest memory is when I was 8. When I was w 12,13 he would make me touch myself so he could watch. I've hypothetically been that kid that D looked at...forced into doing something that makes u wish you'd just up and die. I told him that last night. As far as charges...I have no proof..just what he says. I asked him to seek counseling...he says he doesn't do porn at all. Still think he needs help


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## Jmurphy

SecondTime'Round is right.


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## daisybush

If you are not happy with this marriage you should not continue or give chance and tell him clear what is in your mind.


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## ReidWright

Ann_Marie said:


> I was aware of all of this when we got together because he is a good guy


no. no, he isn't.


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## Flying_Dutchman

By all accounts, Bundy was a good, likable fellow when he wasn't murdering young women. So was Gacy between hiding corpses under his house.

I'm not suggesting you're living with a killer,, but the most successful 'nutters' are very capable of hiding behind a mask of normalcy.

You don't judge a book by it's cover. It's actions and deeds that reveal a person - especially when those actions are at odds with whatever comes out of their mouths.

Plenty of women on these forums have fallen victim to the presentable charmer types.

Bad guys don't look like Max Shrek's Nosferatu,,, they look like the guy who keeps lying to you.

These days - true of the last 10 years or more - any search for regular porn will throw hundreds of pages of legitimate sites at you. They don't have kiddie porn on them and they don't have links to kiddie porn. Pretty much, the days of accidentally stumbling across underage porn ended around the milennium.

If you want to rugsweep his lies and believe he's a good guy who's lost all interest in (child) porn, you can. He RELIES on that. Meanwhile, he'll get better at hiding his dark side. You'll catch him periodically and believe that he 'slipped up'.

That'll be your life. Never able to fully trust him cuz you'll keep finding his deceits. Between finding them, you'll be looking for them.

Live like it or demand he do something about it. Therapy - not just closing his browser and throwing another empty promise at you.

Chances are,, he'd prefer to get better at deceiving than actually improve himself. He might go to therapy a couple of times and claim he's 'cured'. You'll believe him till you catch him again.

Be prepared for the long haul,, or save yourself the trouble and leave.

Meanwhile, you ought to consider therapy yourself. Your willingness to overlook his flaws is out of whack. Like a mother whos teenager can do no wrong. Mollycoddling.

Some self-help will enable you to see the light. Then you'll be better equipped to deal with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HuggyBear

Simply put, you DON'T ""stumble" across child/kiddie porn... you have to pay for some kind of news or user access group to get it.

I've seen pics of "teens" online, just rifling through computers at work... like 18, 19, even in early twenties being passed off as flat-chested, underdeveloped "teens". You could easily ASSUME they were underage, but then again, internet porn is "funny", with "mature" being as old as 23, or "fat" being a size 12....

Then again, we've imported used computers from Russia that had the actual article, with info on where it came from, etc...

If it's the "real" stuff, you're BOTH probably in for a big hit sometime in the future. In reality, unless he's using some kind of paid group access, it's probably just the same old underdeveloped women being passed off as teens.

If he's not using a usenet or newsreader type of thing, it's probably "fake"... like looking at 30 year old "grannies". If there is such an account, then I'd expect the worst, and would go in another direction (away) fast, before you're caught up in it.


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## SunnyT

It doesn't even matter if it's REAL kids or not. ICK

Leave him. Imagine the peace, of not having to check up on him. Of not having to weigh his bs. Of just being able to BE....in a normal healthy relationship. 

Just imagine. 

Then leave. 

What's to stay for?


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