# Guys help...



## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

Going through a separation....been a little over a month since he kicked me and my children out. Now he's seeing someone else, but every week or so begs me to talk and when I finally do, he flips on me, yelling, screaming this is all my fault, but he told me to leave. Last time, he actually threw it in my face that he and her took ecstasy together, went to a paint party, had sex all over my apt, that I needed work in that area by the way, and that he loves her! It's only been a month. What's going on? I love him, but this is killing me.from a guys perspective, what do I do?


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Drop him like a hot potato, that's what you do. :scratchhead:


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

You don't think he will ever love me again or want me and his babies back?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why did you move out with your children?


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

We got Into a huge fight, he told me I better be gone by the time he got home from work the next day. I thought a separation would be best, we are staying a state away with my dad.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why do you keep going back for more punishment? Seriously, you need to figure out that he's an a$$, and start dealing with getting him out of your life. Get individual counseling to try to figure out why you're willing to put up with what he's dishing out.

C

ETA: And this IS from a guy's perspective. He doesn't respect you, he's trying to hurt you, and you keep letting him.


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

I guess I realize I am messed up as well, I want to work on how we treat each other, don't you think we deserve another chance and our children as well? I'm also pregnant with our third child.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Pstarpen said:


> I guess I realize I am messed up as well, I want to work on how we treat each other, don't you think we deserve another chance and our children as well? I'm also pregnant with our third child.


He's doing illegal (and dangerous) drugs in your former residence, as well as rubbing your nose in the fact that he's having sex with his "girlfriend". I'd say that no, he doesn't deserve a second chance. And your kids are better off without him and his abuse of you.

C


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Oh, I forgot. I don't know what he was implying with the "better be gone", but I took that as a physical threat. That's material for husband and dad of the year.

Seriously, there's no redeeming qualities here. 

C


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

Thanks:/


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

But we are married, our kids are involved, I can't give up yet


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Pstarpen said:


> But we are married, our kids are involved, I can't give up yet


He threw out his pregnant wife and children. 

He's doing dangerous, illegal drugs.

He's doing other women.

He abuses you.

Is this really what you want your children to learn? Is this the kind of life you want them to live? Because if you go back with him, you are telling them that he's right and you are wrong.

Have you told your father everything? What does he say?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is he helping you financially right now?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

He's boinking and says he loves another woman. You aren't giving up anything. He made a choice and he makes it again daily. Nobody enters your home without your permission. Don't want to listen to this nonsense? Don't answer the phone, don't let him in the house. If he wants a marriage with you he'll prove it by forsaking all other women, showing adult responsibility for his own actions, showing some remorse, supporting his wife and child, and generally acting like an honorable man instead of a selfish no-account piece of trash 14 year old. If that is what you love, your bar is set way too low. If you don't believe you deserve more, your child does.


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

He was, he's sent me a total of 350 but stopped two weeks ago


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

Apparently he's spending it on drugs, this girl, alcohol and NOT US


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

I feel like he's just making a mistake, he's young, we were arguing a lot, he needed some time, but obviously he didnt need time away from a relationship right?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

A druggie, alcoholic, cruel, irresponsible womanizer? Oh, he's a keeper! Don't know how you'd ever survive without him. Wipe that dog crap off your shoe, thank the Lord you didn't invest more of your life, and then get on with the business of building a happy, stable life for yourself and your child.


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

Pstarpen said:


> Going through a separation....been a little over a month since he kicked me and my children out. Now he's seeing someone else, but every week or so begs me to talk and when I finally do, he flips on me, yelling, screaming this is all my fault, but he told me to leave. Last time, he actually threw it in my face that he and her took ecstasy together, went to a paint party, had sex all over my apt, that I needed work in that area by the way, and that he loves her! It's only been a month. What's going on? I love him, but this is killing me.from a guys perspective, what do I do?


What do you do?

Do you have daughters? You teach them how to pick their future husbands by the example you set.

Do you have sons? You teach them how to treat their future wives by the example you set.

That's what you do.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Pstarpen said:


> He was, he's sent me a total of 350 but stopped two weeks ago


You have children to feed. They depend on you. So you need to take action to protect them. If you don't, who will.

Get in touch with a domestic abuse organization. Get into counseling. 

Ask them about attorneys. They very often have attorney who will work pro bono (fancy words for free). 

You need to file for divorce as soon as you can so that you can get interim child support and spousal support started. Interim support is what is paid to you while the divorce is in process.

Remember that a divorce can be stopped at any time before the judge signs the final decree.

There is a slight chance that if you have him served with a divorce he might wake up. He's not going to wake up as long as he thinks he has all the power and can throw you and the children away as he has done.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Pstarpen said:


> I feel like he's just making a mistake, he's young, we were arguing a lot, he needed some time, but obviously he didnt need time away from a relationship right?


How old are the two of you?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Pstarpen said:


> Apparently he's spending it on drugs, this girl, alcohol and NOT US


That's right. And to deny you access to marital income (all income earned by both of you) and for him to refuse to give you, and especially his own children, is abuse. It's called financial abuse.

If you file for support, you can have it taken out of his pay (garnished) before he gets his pay. So he will have less to spend on drugs, alcohol and women. 

It will make it clear to him that he has responsibilities and you are not going to let him just walk out on them. 

This is how you get a guy like him to grow up.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm still waiting to see one redeeming point in his favor, besides the fact that he's a good sperm provider...

C


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

I already filed for child support, don't think he's received it yet, bu he told me to. He also told me to file for divorce, but I don't have any money. I am 30, he is 22


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> How old are the two of you?


More in depth here.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-...er-month-moved-away-miss-him.html#post4146242


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Pstarpen said:


> I already filed for child support, don't think he's received it yet, bu he told me to. He also told me to file for divorce, but I don't have any money. I am 30, he is 22


Have you also filed for spousal support.

What state are you in? I'm asking because we might be able to do some research and find you legal help... like a local legal aid, on-line court self-help, etc.


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

Thank you:'( I'm in louisiana he is in texas


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Pstarpen said:


> I already filed for child support, don't think he's received it yet, bu he told me to. He also told me to file for divorce, but I don't have any money. I am 30, he is 22


The age gap is not that big of a deal, but it's the age he's around. That 21-25 thing on a male, they are going to do what they do in that age. He's going to be highly irresponsbile and this is the tip of the iceberg. You may just unload and move on with your life. The cycle he's in is a BEAST. 

It could go on until his early 30's and several near death experieinces. Who his friends group are and what they are doing is important.


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

I just looked up some advice on divorcing interstate, it won't be easy with no money. I could possibly petition the courts to waive fees, as long as we both agree there is nothing of value to split, also with kids it's harder. Living I'd separate states also prevents the "free" divorce, since I would have to hire someone to file for me on my behalf in Texas, or he do the same. Ugh.....I guess I'm married to this guy for some time. What a mistake.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have to be a resident of Louisiana for 12 months before you can file for divorce there.

You could file in Texas. Here is the Texas self help site.

TexasLawHelp.org

I read your other thread. It does not sound like you will get much more than child support because your husband is not earning enough to be able to help you out that much.

Since you have also been physically abusive of him, I suggest even more strongly that you find a local domestic abuse organization and get counseling. You seem to have some very serious problems yourself. YOu need to learn to not be violent with your partner. And it seems you have a lot about yourself to fix.

There is now way the two of you should get back together right now. You are physically abusive and he is emotionally abusive. Get the help you need to fix yourself. Your children do not deserve to be exposed to this sort of craziness.

You can change.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Pstarpen said:


> I just looked up some advice on divorcing interstate, it won't be easy with no money. I could possibly petition the courts to waive fees, as long as we both agree there is nothing of value to split, also with kids it's harder. Living I'd separate states also prevents the "free" divorce, since I would have to hire someone to file for me on my behalf in Texas, or he do the same. Ugh.....I guess I'm married to this guy for some time. What a mistake.


Is there anyone you can stay with in Texas just long enough to go there and file, then go back for any necessary court hearings? If you both agree to the divorce there might not need to be a court hearing.


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## Pstarpen (Sep 9, 2013)

No, there is no money or way for me to get back to Texas. I'm screwed.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Go to court and request temporary child support and exclusive use of the marital home (even if it is a rental) NOW!


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