# I found out my wife was cheating on me, now I am confused



## GregPeters (Apr 8, 2012)

3 days ago, I found out my wife was cheating on me.

1 - She lied to me so can I believe her again?
2 - Why I cannot hate her and I still love her so much?
3 - Why just after 3 days it seems I already forgave her?
4- She seems to be sorry, but how I can know if this is just a show or from her heart?
5 - Do you think its normal that she asked me if she can call her mother and tell her all what happened?
6 - Is it normal that sometimes we make fun about what happened?
7 - Is it normal that I feel much better now from when I knew something was going wrong?
Sometimes I think I am still under shock (which I don't seem to be and in fact it seems I am much stronger) but I am afraid one day I will just collapse.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

First off you should have not started a new thread. I would delete this one and go back to your other one. We have all been waiting for you.


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## GregPeters (Apr 8, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> First off you should have not started a new thread. I would delete this one and go back to your other one. We have all been waiting for you.


opps sorry


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## GregPeters (Apr 8, 2012)

Sorry I messed up,

Please visit my First Thread

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...ating-waiting-her-come-home-3.html#post674693


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You didn't mess up brother. We're here for you. User was a troll hacker. Many of us asked that he be banned.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes screw user we are her for you Greg.

Remorse is all about action and now its part of being a member of the cheater police. So validete her recommitment. 

trust but validate

And yes its all normal everything....1-7 plus more.

there will be some hyper bonding (makeup sex and claiming whats yours) this will be #8 on the list.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

One more thing is you you are one up then most, many leave there spouse and blamshift and just bail from the whole family.

Now it the time to crack this open and as shameful as it is for her the consequence of humiliating her self and telling you everything you need to know. This will help you move on, YOU NEED TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE FORGIVING HER FOR so now is the time for your wife to get this monkey off her back.

Yes it will be painful for her so acknowledge her feelings and let her know that in order for you to heal and forgive you must have the details that you can afford to hear.

Becareful, think about the question that you want to ask.

In my case I asked one question in the morning and told my fWW that I wanted a answer that evening. The next day, same thing one question in the AM and one answer in the PM.

This gave you both the time to really understand what you are asking and what she is answering. Again all of this is about you healing and her understanding what she did.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

GregPeters said:


> 3 days ago, I found out my wife was cheating on me.
> 
> 1 - She lied to me so can I believe her again?
> 
> ...


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Greg you are in shock. 
1. She would still be cheating on you and putting your health at risk for STD's if she was not caught. She never confessed until she got caught. She never has any intention of stopping it and being honest with you.
2. You both must get tested for STD's.
3. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would be as accepting as you.
4. Your wife as a broken moral compass and clearly did not care about you or your marriage.
5. You must contact the OM's wife and expose this. If you do not do this then you are sending a message to the OM that it was all right to screw your wife behind your back and play you for a fool
6. Have her write a timeline for you pertaining to the affair and ask what she was thinking.

Greg, do you think that she engaged in this sexual affair because she knew that if she did eventually get caught then you would end up immediately forgiving her anyway and therefore had nothing to lose? What inside told her that this was acceptable to do to you.
I am sure she is in damage control. I am sorry but laughing about how she totally humiliated and disrespected you and your marriage by playing you as a fool sends the message it was not that big a deal. You are handling this all wrong.


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## Subi (Apr 4, 2012)

you are using denial and down play as a copying strategy. I use it all the time. It works by icing the synptoms but down under the rot is building. It will eventually build up and destroy you mentally and psychologically. You cant handle the consequences so you convonce yoself it is ok. You have sold yoself short. You need counselling otherwise yo driving things the wrong way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)




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