# My wife searched my car



## kingpin (Sep 14, 2010)

This morning when I went to my car I found the glove box, the ashtray, and the center console open. Nothing whatsoever was taken. My wife's only comment was that we need to start making sure our cars are locked. As I drove to work and thought about it more, I'm sure she searched my car during the night. I know no one has the answer so this is more for me to just get it out so to speak. Things have been good between us and there is nothing I have done that I can think of. I just seems like she always suspects something which is disappointing!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

kingpin said:


> This morning when I went to my car I found the glove box, the ashtray, and the center console open. Nothing whatsoever was taken. My wife's only comment was that we need to start making sure our cars are locked. As I drove to work and thought about it more, I'm sure she searched my car during the night. I know no one has the answer so this is more for me to just get it out so to speak. Things have been good between us and there is nothing I have done that I can think of. I just seems like she always suspects something which is disappointing!


Have you ever physically or emotionally cheated on her? I could be leftover fear or mistrust. I know it might seem like a direct insult to you but it stems from insecurity within her. Try reassuring her and reiterating that she's the only one for you. If you've never cheated on her then I'd say there is something going on in your relationship that is making her feel insecure either way. You have to find it and reassure her or she'll continue.


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## kingpin (Sep 14, 2010)

I have never cheated in anyway. The only incident that ever occurred was a text she found on my phone. It was a joke from an old female friend that I no longer see but she still sends me a text on Bdays and holidays. I explained the text, told her who the person was, etc. She has actually done far worse than I. I discovered that she was communicating with her exboyfriend a year into our marriage but I have let that go. We have been to counseling and she admits to insecurity but it still persist. The most recent thing I can think of is that she learned about an exgirlfriend I was involved with years ago. No disrespect to my wife but this particular ex has the body of a goddess. Days later my wife asked me what attracted me to her when we met. I did everything to reassure her. I am very attracted to her and I let her know that all the time and will continue to do so. I just wonder what the search was about...I mean something had to trigger it!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

She most likely creates scenarios in her head. It sounds like she's just insecure. Does she have her own life or is she consumed with yours?


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## kingpin (Sep 14, 2010)

I think you are right. The more I think about it the more I realize that this is not new. She has searched my phone, my car (before), my email, and my wallet. She is not consumed with my life but she works from home so her interactions with others are limited. She has had two serious relationships prior to our marriage. Both cheated on her. Our marriage is still new (only 3 years) but I thought she would be more secure by now. I guess this is going to take longer than I thought.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

If you have nothing to hide, why worry about it? That's part of living a "transparent" life. She found nothing. Let her do it a few more times and come up empty handed. She will find the reassurance she needs. I'm wondering if she was the one searching your car. I know when I searched my estranged husband's SUV I put everything back in it's place--I didn't want him to suspect I was searching. Oh, and I found incrementing evidence on many occasions.


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## kingpin (Sep 14, 2010)

My gut feeling tells me she did it. There were a number of items worth good money but they were left behind. At any rate, its no big deal. She can keep searching if that's what makes her feel better.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I would think if she searched your car, she would have made sure to leave everything exactly as she found it, so as not to get caught, especially if she found nothing. 

If, in fact, she did it, I would say it's a direct result of insecurity. Whether it's insecurity from something she thinks you've said/done, or from something in her past, I don't know. I know I tend to have insecurity issues due to my past, but I've worked hard to let those go, as I know it isn't fair to my boyfriend to be punished for things my ex did to me. 

I would just do everything you can to reassure her and make her feel she can trust you. Deliberately leave your phone where she can check it, deliberately leave your email/facebook/whatever open on the computer, or your laptop accessible, where she can easily see you have nothing to hide. Once she's had enough chances to check things out and find nothing, she should start to feel more secure and not feel the need to check up on you.


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## Mrs Chai (Sep 14, 2010)

I've been emotionally cheated on and you can forgive but forgetting is another thing completely. 

It might be likely she was cheated on in some manner by another person in her life or lied to. She admitted insecurity and while it's unfair to you since you have done nothing (in your mind) to encourage those emotions. However, you can't fault her for that, she can't really control how she feels - though she can control the choice to search your things or not.

I'll admit it, I've snuck a peek through my own husbands email (how I caught him the first time) when every once in a while paranoia will creep up on me. He's been spending more time out of the house with me, I can't help but to entertain the idea maybe... just maybe someone else is taking up his time that I should be aware of.

Of course, I've been wrong every time, and of course I tell him about it and feel terrible for doubting him. But he understands that broken trust isn't easily repaired - and as time moves on, I slowly heal and have less and less of those paranoid, heart-racing scenarios in my head that break my heart and induce rage all at once. 

I think allowing her to go through your car to appease her doubts is a good idea. I'm pretty sure my husband knows when I scour through his facebook, but he never says anything to me, which makes me feel foolish and relieved at the same time.

Emotions are funny things.

If it is bothering you, however, you should talk to her about it. It might soothe her frayed nerves, or give her a chance to talk about something that was bothering her. Often times when I have those episodes, it's when he's overly busy with things that don't necessarily involve me (school or work) and aren't anything at all I _should_ be worried about. Again, discussing this helps.

Good luck!


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## kingpin (Sep 14, 2010)

I appreciate all the advice and insight. I think I will let it go rather than talk with her about it. It's not bothering me I just wish I could let her into my mind. That would quickly reassure her but since that is not possible, she will have to get there at her own pace. I leave my phone out all the time and my email is on the family computer so she is free to look anytime. Social sights don't interest me so there is no Facebook or My Space for her to check. I will make my life as transparent as possible so hopefully she will one day feel more secure in our relationship.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Once I searched my husband's car but only because I had caught him on a dating website, and he had secretly texted a woman and then deleted the texts...if there's nothing to hide why delete and deny? I was looking for notes or a phone number lol I don't think he knows about it though. 

Has she been cheated on in the past? Or maybe her dad cheated on her mom?


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## kingpin (Sep 14, 2010)

She had two serious long term relationships and both ended due to cheating.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Guess she's just become a little paranoid and insecure because of that. Totally agree, be as transparent as possible and she will relax and be more trusting. Good luck!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

kingpin said:


> I appreciate all the advice and insight. I think I will let it go rather than talk with her about it. It's not bothering me I just wish I could let her into my mind. That would quickly reassure her but since that is not possible, she will have to get there at her own pace. I leave my phone out all the time and my email is on the family computer so she is free to look anytime. Social sights don't interest me so there is no Facebook or My Space for her to check. I will make my life as transparent as possible so hopefully she will one day feel more secure in our relationship.


Awesome! She's a lucky woman.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think you need to start letting her find something,
Write a love letter, or send our self a text say "I love you"
This is the very important part USE HER FULL NAME AT THE END OF EACH NOTE. She may get a kick out of it.
I might start doing this to my wife. Do you think if I bought W some jewlery and stuffed it in her clove box or in her back seat, with a note saying "I love her" - do you think she'd be turned on?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

the guy said:


> I think you need to start letting her find something,
> Write a love letter, or send our self a text say "I love you"
> This is the very important part USE HER FULL NAME AT THE END OF EACH NOTE. She may get a kick out of it.
> I might start doing this to my wife. Do you think if I bought W some jewlery and stuffed it in her clove box or in her back seat, with a note saying "I love her" - do you think she'd be turned on?


What a sweet idea!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

the guy said:


> I think you need to start letting her find something,
> Write a love letter, or send our self a text say "I love you"
> This is the very important part USE HER FULL NAME AT THE END OF EACH NOTE. She may get a kick out of it.
> I might start doing this to my wife. Do you think if I bought W some jewlery and stuffed it in her clove box or in her back seat, with a note saying "I love her" - do you think she'd be turned on?


This is an idea supreme! The look on her face would be priceless (beyond anything MasterCard might be able to sell you


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