# I'm throwing in the towel. I need to know what to do...



## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

The story so far

Well now I'm fairly certain that the EA has turned out to be an full fledged PA. I'm done with the marriage now, but do plan on confronting her with her lies. I guess it would help bring things a little closer to closure. 

Since I really can't afford moving into another place for now until I sell our condo, I'm going to kick her out to the other bedroom and just keep to myself when we're in the house at the same time.

Is there anything else I should do?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Since you're sure that this is a PA, get your name off any joint credit cards. Consider taking half the money in any joint accounts and putting into accounts with just your name on it. No reason you should underwrite her affair.

Talk to a lawyer ASAP to find out what your rights are and please get tested for STDs.


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

This is interesting:

I confronted DW about her lies. She denied lying about anything at first, but when I laid out the timeline on how I found out, she relented and started to answer my questions. I did find out that the EA did continue, the other person is a co-worker, and she was starting to fall for the other person. She continues to say that it's not a PA, and she did not sleep with him yet. I asked if I needed to get tested for STDs, she said no. (I plan on getting tested, anyways)

As we were discussing this, I told her that the love is starting to fade, and I had lost a lot of respect for her. As soon as I said that, I saw something that I hadn't seen before - regret and doubt. 

I explained my views - that I felt I was given the majority of the blame, but since I found out about the EA, she was suddenly on the defensive and decided that wanting divorce is the way to maybe justify her EA and her making a mistake. She explained before that she gave up on the marriage before the EA was exposed... I told her she was wrong. She didn't give up, she gave in to temptation.

And this is something I haven't heard since D-day and these are her thoughts:
- she said she really has been considering fixing this marriage but wonders about me and if I'm sincere about doing my part to fix it, and if I'm going to bring this situation up every chance I get
- she goes down this road and she kind of knows that the EA won't last, that she'll come back to me
- she said she feels an emotional connection with this other person, and talks to the other person about things I normally don't talk about
- she's not really physically attracted to him, but she's still attracted to me

Somehow in the conversation, I gave her an opportunity to get out of the divorce plan; I'm not sure how I did it. She said that she has some soul-searching to do. And I said that she's going to have to do a lot to gain respect from me again.


I guess right now I'm closed off emotionally. My heart is still broken, but it doesn't hurt as badly as it did when D-Day happened. Right now I feel disrespected and even a bit disgusted. I told her that I won't check up on her phone anymore, I'm going to keep to myself, but I'm ready to talk when she is. But yet, my mindset at the moment is preparing for divorce.



Thoughts, advice, perspective? Any and all is appreciated.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Alter,

I think you're losing sight of the fact that she is still heavily involved in this affair (whether EA or PA).

When there was even the SLIGHTest possibility of her getting a chance to possibly save this marriage, she should have jumped all over it if she really wanted to! Her thoughts that you listed above show how self-centerd she still is. She actually would rather talk to this other person than you!

She sees you as her fall back plan! You need to get awwya from this woman. It's all about her!


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