# wife reading into things I say



## bob1471 (Dec 27, 2013)

Why is that you say one comment to women and they instantly think it means 15 other things?

I said the other day - oh you're back early and apparently this meant I was insensitive and selfish because I was having a go at her for not staying out longer and leaving me in peace! WTF.

Then the other day, I put her phone on to charge and it didnt work. So I get a comment - oh great thanks for that well done. Wound me up a bit and pointed out that I was not personally responsible for electrical equipment failures.

Apparently, I was then wrong for starting an argument. As if I'm supposed to just take if and say nothing.

Its bizarre to say the least....


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ha! I would laugh in her face and just tell her off for her fked up thinking starting **** for no reason but that's just me


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

It can get worse as well as better.

Whilst at a family wedding reception (one of my cousins) I was pointing out who was married to whom and foolishly said to my wife that a particular male relative was now dating "that pretty young girl in the full length pink dress".

This apparently meant that I:

Fancied that girl,
Fancied all younger women,
Did not like my wife’s dress.
Did not love my wife.

I will say in my wife's defence that she was heavily pregnant at the time and I know that hormones can make her more emotional.


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## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

Wiltshireman said:


> It can get worse as well as better.
> 
> Whilst at a family wedding reception (one of my cousins) I was pointing out who was married to whom and foolishly said to my wife that a particular male relative was now dating "that pretty young girl in the full length pink dress".
> 
> ...


Dude! Next time try, "that woman in the pink dress."

I FREELY admit that if the tables were turned and I heard my fiance say, "that handsome young man in the well-tailored suit" it would have made me feel like crap. If I would have been more emotional, as I often am, it would have been worse. Just saying.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

LoveLonely said:


> Dude! Next time try, "that woman in the pink dress."
> Just saying.



The only problem with that would have been the 7 other females of various sizes / ages in pink dresses as all the flower girls, bridesmaids, matron of honor etc were dressed to match.

Apart from that the person in question was / is a pretty girl over 25 years younger than this bearded old fool.

Sometimes I do just "speak the truth" without thinking how others might be affected by both what I say and how I say it.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Wiltshireman, I absolutely love (and definitely agree with) the little quotation at the bottom of your posts.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

thummper said:


> Wiltshireman, I absolutely love (and definitely agree with) the little quotation at the bottom of your posts.


Thank You,

For me it sums up who I am / what is important to me.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

If I had a nickel (you know how the rest goes)

My wife used to do this a lot but let her say something and I respond in kind whoa ho ho what the h3ll could I have been thinking.

She slowed down some cause I give it right back at her if she misreads my words and then goes off on some tangent I squash it pretty quick.

Maybe it's just a woman's emotional make up or more of an individual insecurity don't know but several of my friends go through the same thing.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

bob1471 said:


> Why is that you say one comment to women and they instantly think it means 15 other things?
> 
> I said the other day - oh you're back early and apparently this meant I was insensitive and selfish because I was having a go at her for not staying out longer and leaving me in peace! WTF.
> 
> ...


She's not happy. And you're too subjected to her.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

She sounds a little insecure. But the question is, is she insecure solely because of her personality, or is there something about the way you treat her or about your relationship right now that's making her insecure?


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## bob1471 (Dec 27, 2013)

Wiltshireman said:


> It can get worse as well as better.
> 
> Whilst at a family wedding reception (one of my cousins) I was pointing out who was married to whom and foolishly said to my wife that a particular male relative was now dating "that pretty young girl in the full length pink dress".
> 
> ...


Sounds familiar. How do they make this leap in their heads?


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## bob1471 (Dec 27, 2013)

John Lee said:


> She sounds a little insecure. But the question is, is she insecure solely because of her personality, or is there something about the way you treat her or about your relationship right now that's making her insecure?


Dunno. To be fair she is stressed at mo due to new(ish) baby and illness.


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## bob1471 (Dec 27, 2013)

Wiltshireman said:


> It can get worse as well as better.
> 
> Whilst at a family wedding reception (one of my cousins) I was pointing out who was married to whom and foolishly said to my wife that a particular male relative was now dating "that pretty young girl in the full length pink dress".
> 
> ...


Another recent one.

She says "do you want to go to mcdonalds for some food?"
Me "nah not really"
Then it all kicks off.

Apparently, me saying this implied that I was saying that she was lazy because she didnt cook me food, lazy because she didnt clean up afterwards, generally lazy, and that I expected her to do everything around the house, and I ever did was moan when she wanted to do something different.

3 word from me. Must admit on this occasion I bit back and went ballistic because of the sheer stupidity of the situation and the fact that she was causing an argument like this.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

There is a theory about people having "different ears", for example a relationship ear, a factual information ear, an appeal ear and so on.

If a woman tells his guy "that traffic light was red" she might want to present a factual information but he might think she says "You are an unsafe driver, I don't feel safe driving with you" (relationship) or "Please could you let me drive?" (appeal).

I think it is always important to consider that the other person could hear what you say with another ear.

Having said that we woman sometimes can be a little hormonal - especially after having given birth.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Women speak a different language. Familiarize your self with this language or suffer the flames of hades!


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

I'll make tea said:


> There is a theory about people having "different ears", for example a relationship ear, a factual information ear, an appeal ear and so on.
> 
> If a woman tells his guy "that traffic light was red" she might want to present a factual information but he might think she says "You are an unsafe driver, I don't feel safe driving with you" (relationship) or "Please could you let me drive?" (appeal).
> 
> ...


Brilliant.

Plenty of examples of us losing our rags when we're touchy about something.

I remember one of the very few times I've nutted out over some innocuous words, many relationships ago.

We were on holiday in a new place, and I knew where we were going.

All of a sudden, I ... didn't know where we were going.

So rather than give me a minute to get my bearings, tell which way the sun is, where the beach is etc. she chips in with:

"I thought you knew where we are."

I could have said: "Roughly, I just need a second to get my bearings." But what I heard was: "You've f*cked up, haven't you. Let me get us back to the hotel." (appeal etc.)

In true psycho-style, I told her to shut the f* up and find her own way, "see you back there" to which she became offended (women, eh?)

Point is, I still remember it. A two-second pause before replying and I wouldn't still feel bad at being so unfair. If I had to be assertive, I could have said "I'll get us there, have some faith." Mind you, adding that last bit might have triggered her... !


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Did you ever apologize?


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

bob1471 said:


> Why is that you say one comment to women and they instantly think it means 15 other things?
> 
> I said the other day - oh you're back early and apparently this meant I was insensitive and selfish because I was having a go at her for not staying out longer and leaving me in peace! WTF.
> 
> ...


As a woman I wish I had an answer. We have this fight frequently, he told me to take what he says as what he means and stop reading into it.

Ok, So to avoid an argument I do exactly what he asked the last time and he gets mad at me because I'm now doing it out of spite. there is no winning this one I know I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't. 

oh and the best one is after having these fights, (could be weeks later) a similar situation will come up and I'm now afraid to do it either way so I will ask him and he then gets mad at me because I shouldn't have to ask and that starts the whole use you brain crap. 

I'm very non confrontational unless you back me in a corner. This feels like a game to me and no one wins.. It usually ends up with me crying as I have 2 outlets cry or yell and my Husband is much loader than me and hears nothing I say.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

bob1471 said:


> Why is that you say one comment to women and they instantly think it means 15 other things?
> 
> I said the other day - oh you're back early and apparently this meant I was insensitive and selfish because I was having a go at her for not staying out longer and leaving me in peace! WTF.
> 
> ...


Been through that a bunch. 

The wife just wanted a fight, that was all. She was angry and it was her way of getting into a fight to demonstrate it. She wasn't angry about anything in the conversation, and never says what it is she's angry about. I have to figure it out. 

If she's to blame (overdrawn bank account, didn't save money for something she wanted, put a dent in the car, etc) then it's far worse.

Here's a for instance. She comes home from work on a Sunday. I did all the laundry, dishes, some other stuff during the day... So when she gets home, she gets absolutely furious and yells at me because I had not put her clothes away. If I hadn't done anything, she probably wouldn't have yelled at me at all. 

She gets mad and starts unloading on me and I ask "Why are you yelling at me? I didn't do anything to you." 

Her response is usually to refuse to speak to me then. Which, in that case, is usually better, since I did nothing wrong and there's no reason to verbally assault me. 

The real problem? Someone at work didn't do their job right, and it made hers harder.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

bob1471 said:


> Why is that you say one comment to women and they instantly think it means 15 other things?
> 
> I said the other day - oh you're back early and apparently this meant I was insensitive and selfish because I was having a go at her for not staying out longer and leaving me in peace! WTF.


You cannot control how people will interpret your words, so don't try. MMSLP will instruct you never explain your original comment following her disrespectful comments (you are rewarding her poor behavior with attention). I would make eye contact to let her know you heard her, then put your head back down and completely ignore the comment. This is generally better than the WTF retort.



bob1471 said:


> Then the other day, I put her phone on to charge and it didnt work. So I get a comment - oh great thanks for that well done. Wound me up a bit and pointed out that I was not personally responsible for electrical equipment failures.


This was a sh!t test, and I don't think you passed. I don't know the details, but I assume she is capable of charging her phone. 

JLD ... You are suggesting the OP should apologize?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

bob1471 said:


> Why is that you say one comment to women and they instantly think it means 15 other things?
> 
> I said the other day - oh you're back early and apparently this meant I was insensitive and selfish because I was having a go at her for not staying out longer and leaving me in peace! WTF.
> 
> ...



Next time tell her to stick her attitude up her ass sideways and let her know that your not her verbal punching bag and for her to get a civil tongue in her head, then ignore her. Words hurt and people should learn how to control their tongue. She's no a kid, she's a grown woman.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Jung_admirer said:


> You cannot control how people will interpret your words, so don't try. MMSLP will instruct you never explain your original comment following her disrespectful comments (you are rewarding her poor behavior with attention). I would make eye contact to let her know you heard her, then put your head back down and completely ignore the comment. This is generally better than the WTF retort.
> 
> 
> 
> ...







I took it JLD was referring to Sandfly's post immediately before, where he said he still feels bad.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

bob1471 said:


> Why is that you say one comment to women and they instantly think it means 15 other things?
> 
> Sounds familiar. How do they make this leap in their heads?


Does this help?

He Said, She Said by Dave Barry


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Anyway, she's mad about something. Or unhappy with the marriage. You may want to find out what (by asking, not assuming!).


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Mine does this all the time. I answered a text from her the other day starting with the word "honey" and she jumped me on her return text for being condescending. Really?

I just tell her when she is misinterpreting me, in a calm and factual way


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## lovelifeandwanttoenjoyit (Sep 14, 2013)

bob1471 said:


> Another recent one.
> 
> She says "do you want to go to mcdonalds for some food?"
> Me "nah not really"
> ...


Could this be hormones?? it sounds very much like she is going through some physiological process......


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## BackwardFizz (Mar 23, 2014)

as far as saying one thing and it meaning 15 million other things in your wife's mind, I can relate to that as a woman. My husband tells me I do this all the time but I have learned that it is just the differences in how most males and females communicate. Now, when I start to do it I can stop myself and laugh and so can he (to a degree). Most men communicate to make a point...most women communicate to communicate. Women analyze things to a fault so in your wife's eyes because to her "one thing can mean 15 million things" what you say should also fit in this category. I would chalk it up to our differences. Maybe when she understands these differences then she will be more understanding. I know I was when I realized my husband actually says what he means...no hidden underlying meaning. It was actually a huge relief to let go and just take his words at their value. 

As far as the other things you mentioned I find them very disrespectful on her part especially when you are going out of your way to help her. No excuses. I don't find it acceptable on either end.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

bob1471 said:


> Why is that you say one comment to women and they instantly think it means 15 other things?


This irritates the tar out of me. That your wife does this does not mean that *women* do.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

This is cracking me up! In my marriage, I'm the one who says what I mean. He makes me read between the lines and can't seem to stop himself. It makes communication so much simpler if both parties just said what they mean and mean what they say! I'm an atypical woman in this way. Funny thing is, most men don't know how to react when I say things straight and to the point. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

turnera said:


> Anyway, she's mad about something. Or unhappy with the marriage. You may want to find out what (by asking, not assuming!).


It is generally this.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

6301 said:


> Next time tell her to stick her attitude up her ass sideways and let her know that your not her verbal punching bag and for her to get a civil tongue in her head, then ignore her. Words hurt and people should learn how to control their tongue. She's no a kid, she's a grown woman.


Yeah, that's going to work.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

jld said:


> Yeah, that's going to work.


 Got a better idea then I'm all ears.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

6301 said:


> Got a better idea then I'm all ears.



Sorry for the delayed response, 6301. I just saw your post.

He should use active listening. He could repeat back to her what she said, or paraphrase her. This would make her feel listened to and respected, especially if he is looking at her and generally giving her the feeling that he is willing to spend time considering what she is saying.

When he has done this enough, she will likely feel calm, and even a bit guilty for hurting his feelings. She can then apologize, and he can explain his side of things. If he has taken time, patiently, with her, she will likely do the same with him.

We have to seek to understand the issues if we want to solve problems, 6301. Your response is not going to make her feel listened to and understood, and certainly not respected.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Jung_admirer said:


> You cannot control how people will interpret your words, so don't try. MMSLP will instruct you never explain your original comment following her disrespectful comments (you are rewarding her poor behavior with attention). I would make eye contact to let her know you heard her, then put your head back down and completely ignore the comment. This is generally better than the WTF retort.
> 
> I don't get why you would not explain why you said what you did. How can she learn what you mean if you don't explain it to her?
> 
> ...


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

I suggest reading The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

bob1471 said:


> Why is that you say one comment to women and they instantly think it means 15 other things?
> 
> ...


I don't have any patience for it and there's no right answer, it's more just to provoke a response. So I just agree with whatever whacked out interpretation she has which usually sends her off to another room mumbling and talking to herself. 10 minutes later she'll be back and it will be as if nothing ever happened.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

My wife throws out some doozies.

When I engage, we get WWIII. Sometimes it's worth it.

When I walk away, she gets worried and approaches me in a day or two.

When I walk away and go do something awesome, manly, and maybe where other women might be... she gets real, real worried and approaches me the second I set my foot in the door.


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