# Uncertain about Trial Separation--Advice Please!!



## confusedwife1987 (Sep 7, 2013)

I'm not honestly sure if I can deem myself as considering separation or going through it. I walked out on him tonight and he literally had a psychological break-down. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I needed space. A couple hours ago, I felt that while I still cared about him, I didn't love him anymore. But now I'm really confused. My heart hurts for him because I want nothing more than to have him holding me right now after what I'm sure would have been incredibly gratifying make-up sex. 

I know that I've hurt him badly, even though that wasn't my intention. It's repeat instances like this that are destroying the trust in our marriage. I feel stupid and petty for gaining even an ounce of happiness at his expense. Not only are my husband and I enduring the pain that we cause each other, our parents and 20 month old son are getting strung along. 

Even thinking about divorce, I don't want a long drawn out trial, don't want to ask him for child support nor alimony and feel we can be civil enough towards one another to make decisions regarding our son's time with either of us without a lawyer to settle it. 

Strangely, we talked about this a few times and agreed IF we ever got divorced, that we would still be our son's parents and do what was best for him and wouldn't hurt each other by dragging each other through the mud for some judge to decide our family's fate. I still feel that way even after all the hard feelings and don't want to hurt him anymore than this whole thing already will. I'm oddly certain that he feels the same and would never try to take our son away from me or make me look like a horrible mother so he could get full custody. 

I think it's reasonable that he and I decide overall who our son would stay with what nights and if an extraordinary circumstance came up, we could talk about it like reasonable adults. We'd split and alternate holidays, of course, and would both be there at his birthday parties. I wouldn't need child support as he would pay his part of our son's expenses, including clothes, etc. when our son was with him and half of whatever daycare costs or at least pay for the costs on his days.

Any debt under my maiden name would remain mine and I'd take responsibility for an agreed percent of our married debt. He'd keep his car and I'd keep mine. My name would be taken off any future bills (as I'd most likely be living with my mother and have my own responsibilities) and I'd let him keep anything that wasn't purely mine prior to our marriage. Anything that he had before we married he'd obviously get to keep. 

Am I crazy for wanting to go back to him? We obviously have a lot of issues and at the very least need some serious marriage counseling. But is it bad that I want to talk to him to see if we can't both be reasonable about this?


----------



## ILoveMyWife! (Sep 5, 2013)

No, youre not crazy. If it is what you want then do it. Dont listen to anyone else if its what you want! I believe that you need to do everything ou can to save a marriage. Just make sure both parties are willing and go from there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Considering you don't talk at all about the issues that caused you to want a separation, it's pretty hard to tell you that you're crazy (or not) for wanting him back. All I can suggest though, is that IF you want him back, you should talk to him sooner rather than later about separation ground rules, before someone does something that causes everything to escalate. And a separation without a plan agreed to (and committed to) by both people is just a stage closer to divorce. So again, focus sooner rather than later on what you think needs to happen before you'll consider moving back home.

C


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You seem quite certain that he is not as fit a parent as you. How did you determine this? Does he agree?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

In order to help we would need to know the problems in your marriage and what you both have done to try to fix them.

On the surface, with no information except the OP, marriages go though cycles. You have a child. You should do everything you can to fix your marriage.

Separation is nothing more than a way to easy yourself towards divorce. They seldom end in a couple getting back together.

Is there another man who you are interested in right now?

About the idea of having a lose set of rules on when your child is with the other parent. I would never agree to that. Without a set schedule it's too easy for things to go wrong, for one parent to refuse to let the child see the other parent.

Are you crazy for wanting to be with him right now? No. It means that you want to be with him.

Anyhow.. more info is needed.


----------

