# I got what I asked for...now I feel like I cant keep up!



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

My H and I have a decent sex life. We average 1-2 times a week...sometimes more or less. My number one complaint in the bedroom has always been that I am the one who has to initiate 99% of the time. He never turned me down, but for some reason would never come to me to start something or communicate his desire. He'd just kind of wait around until I pursued and if I left him waiting too long, he'd masturbate to take the edge off of the waiting. I argued that he should somehow communicate with me first what he wants - maybe I would want sex more often too if I knew he was thinking about it, Kwim?

So, guess what...he listened to me. I think he has stopped masturbating entirely (I know he does it, don't have a problem with it, but he is a bit squeamish about talking about it). 

Everything is great, except that I severely underestimated his drive. I had no idea he was going to come after me every single night, sometimes multiple times. He has a raging boner just two seconds after we crawl into bed for the night! 

I am having trouble keeping up. My drive is very centered around my cycle. There is a distinct week when I can give him a run for his money, then the other weeks I am maybe 2-3 times a week at the most, and we tend to stay away from sex for the time I am on my period.

I don't want to reject him because I don't want to ruin his new attitude. Any advice for ways to get my own drive up? I am happy to do HJ or BJ for him when I am really not feeling it bit he prefers that I fully participate. I am.not on BC.

Also, now I kind of understand why he waited around for me instead of pursuing 24/7. I had no idea how much he would want it, and I think he knew that. Now I feel almost like he's saying "See? This is what you said you wanted...I told you it would be more than you can handle!"

Ideally id like a little more balance, I think we went full swing on the pendulum here. But I don't want to discourage him and I dig that he's showing me his interest. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, enjoy it! It won't always be like this. You can't tell him to come to you and then tell him to stop coming to you.

Sounds like Hubs but I enjoy it.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

#1 I think it will probably taper off after a while.

#2 you say that he doesn't like just a bj or hj? Always wants you fully involved? I find that hard to believe. Again, I think that after a few weeks of daily sex a no strings BJ will seem pretty damned good.


----------



## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Women.


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

"Again, I think that after a few weeks of daily sex a no strings BJ will seem pretty damned good."

Think again, Working...

Oh, Kag. Been there. Yep. 

Most of the time I love our sexlife, but occasionally it's a bit much. I understand. I very rarely turn him down, and when I do, it's fine because he knows it will be less than 12 hours before he gets it again. But I'm with you on the rejection thing -- you don't want to go there unless you really have to.

As far as your own drive, do you have an active fantasy life? That can get me revved sometimes.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

think of this new found ability to chase you as a new toy. he'll play with it non stop then eventually level out and let it rest a bit;-)

enjoy it


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

lol I think you probably could be my wife except without the period where I didn't pursue. I am an everyday kinda guy. I know that I can literally wear my wife out. So when she is not in the mood I just do something physical to take the edge off. I rarely produce knuckle children anymore. But I find that if I can tell my wife is into it and it has been a few days I do some strategic masturbating so I don't blow too early. But like Working said if your vag can't keep up, you have hands, a mouth, the other hole (If you consider this just be careful use over the counter lube and tell him to go slow), and even feet. I am sure the more you get creative the more you will be able to keep up.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm kind of in the same boat. For years I complained and now he is pursuing.

No way in heck will I mess this up. If he wants sex daily I will give it to him and yes I will be fully involved. I might not feel like it at first but I will mentally get there. My drive these days seems to be more mental than physical. I just focus on how long I did without, how happy I am NOW, how great he feels, how much I love him, the works.

I've also taken to reading steamy romance novels again. Those help with drive.

I remember all too well those years of once a week sex. I'm NOT going back to that ever.


----------



## ValleyForge (Jun 26, 2012)

I think offering a NSA HJ or BJ once in a while instead of the full act, is QUITE considerate of you. Maybe it's not EXACTLY what he wants, but your eagerness to be accommodating should earn you a little accommodation for yourself, right? That's fair. 

BTW, I would kill puppies and burn down my house for your problem right now.


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

A hard man is good to find! Seriously, I agree with the others--don't say anything for a month or so because you don't want to shut him down and go back to the way things were. 

Then you could gently suggest that a day or two in between is good to re-charge desire, and work toward a compromise that is satisfactory for both of you. Good for you for resolving this problem!


----------



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Ok, killing puppies made me pee myself a little LOL.

Seriously though - the number of times I have rejected his advances in our entire relationship (8 years) is like less than ten. He just doesn't initiate ...ever. So this is quite exciting. I wish my stupid body would cooperate.

Re: the free HJ/BJs....my husband is kinda different in this department. Of course he will happily accept them, but he wants it as foreplay and then he wants to "give me mine" afterwards, and gets a little upset when I don't want that. He has some kind of complex that my needs must come before his at all times...in and out of tie bedroom. It is very sweet but sometimes makes him self deprecating and seem a tad insecure. When I Sony want to participate he takes it personally like - what is wrong with me? Why don't I turn you on? Etc. Which is kinda rough. Also, Bjs turn him on to the point of wanting to go again immediately after he is finished !

I am on a journey to make sure I don't reject him. I want to be as excited about it as he is 24/7, but biologically it seems I just take more time to recharge than he does. I was hoping maybe there was a supplement I could take, something to give my libido a jump on my off weeks. I will try the novels suggestion.

I obviously severely underestimated how much he had been jerking off. I didn't even know he had this drive in him. He is always so passive, in and out of the bedroom, that it is hard for me to understand what he really wants sometimes. He never asks, he waits for me to offer. I guess maybe a case of your classic nice guy syndrome? Our discussion about wanting him to initiate with me was part of a larger discussion of asking him yo man up basically - spoken nicely. I asked him for more aggression, speaking up if he disagrees with me, telling me what he wants, taking what is his. So far I am happy with what I see. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Wow you go girl! Be careful how you go now. This is a good time for you both to read these books if you have not already" His needs her needs" and "the 5 loves languages" and something about communication. You guys have managed to turn things around but you need to find out how to moderate and comprimise without the feeling of rejection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

