# Wife goes crazy,from LD to HD, after turning 32 and reading 50 SOG, is this normal?



## cub!chy (May 7, 2012)

So we have been married for 12 years and we have 3 kids, all less than 6 years. We have had a good relationship and never had any major issues. She is 32 and I am 38. She finished her career and worked for about 3 years and then decided to stay home with the kids and it has worked out. I work hard and sometimes 2 jobs, but we usually take at least one vacation a year, but things are rough at home with the kids. She never asked for anything and was generally pretty content. I love my wife, I think she is the sexiest being on earth and anytime she walked by, I wanted to touch her, kiss, cares. She taught me a-lot about sex and how women enjoy it and I was ok with that, but frequency became a problem. She would initiate maybe 5 times a month around her period and I maybe 60 times a month. She never rejected me, but we got it down to every other day, although she would complain. It was usually vanilla sex, she would only rarely allow anal, oral was ok and I would always have her finish first, there were times where she just didn’t want to finish, so it became duty sex. We later realized that this was the birth control pills and the 3 pregnancies and hormones.
Our 3rd is 2, so she doesn’t want to go on pills again, so I went on condoms (hated it) until she went on a UAI,or a T or something like that, that she liked and worked. I always thought she was dominant, so on a whim I get her the 50 SOG books after reading about it on CNN, back in March. 
For the first time she asks for money to get clothes and throws out all her gray stuff and gets all new panties and clothes, thousands worth, but all within reasons. She doesn’t have to ask, but she usually does as I run the finances. She beings making a-lot of decisions that she usually doesn’t do and she begins being more forceful in bed, then one day we strike a conversation and over a period of a month, she completely opens up about what she wants sexually. I couldn’t have a conversation with her for 5 minutes before she shuts me off and now she is going on and on about what she likes. She is religious and doesn’t, oops, didn’t then, do porn. She does porn now. Now she fesses that she loves anal, but was scarred to tell me, we bought chest claps, toys, restraints and all that crazy stuff and we have been going at it I’d say about 3-4 hours every night for the last 2 weeks nonstop and at least 1 hour before the kids wake up, she is relentless and loves it. She calls it non-vanilla sex and says she likes it mucho more than vanilla. I have kept up so far, but my thing actually hurts and sometimes I have an issue with an erection, something that has never happened before. I’d say, she is getting hers at least twice a day and me maybe 3-4 times a day (she makes me), for 2 weeks straight, no exaggerations. Now is is opne to alla dn anything, anytime and any shape. I don’t have to barter with her about sex or try to buy her off (you guys know what I mean) or try to swindle her, she wants it genuinely all the time, I am ecstatic about it, could this be her sexual peak? Is this how women peak?
She is now loose and reading other BDSM books and says that she needs to understand herself, that she has always been this way, but denied it to herself. I encourage it and always ask her about the books, she goes crazy with them and is trying to dominate me, which I am ok with, even though I am dominant myself. I have no issues with anything in the bedroom. She is basically a new woman, I asked and she opened up about how she sees guys in the street, like I see women. I am not jealous, but I need to understand this new person next to me. I know I am ranting, but I wanted to put the context out there, so here are my questions: 1. Has this drastic change happened to any women out there or guys, your wife? How did you deal with it, did it last long, was it permanent? Should I encourage, what can I do to facilitate or help her? I asked her about her fantasies and she opened up and threesomes, foursome and 5 somes (the latter being her favorite) crazy, in the begging of the year she could talk about sex for more than 5 minutes. She says she is totally in love with me and our family and wants to explore this together. This is drastic, I am surprised at myself and how quickly I accepted this change. Thanks.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Try everything except the group sex and swinging! That will lead to disaster. Otherwise, enjoy her sexual awakening and be glad she is sharing it with you and not some stranger. Most of us men would envy you. 

Now, if she is totally out of control, then demand that she get her hormones and thyroid checked. This kind of sudden increase in libido can be a sign of a serious medical issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Enjoy while it lasts, many times these sorts of sudden increases in sex drive, etc., are from mid-life hormone shifts, odds are it won't stay this way forever.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ask you talk about wants make sure you are also very clear about boundaries too


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> 1. Has this drastic change happened to any women out there or guys, your wife? How did you deal with it, did it last long, was it permanent? Should I encourage, what can I do to facilitate or help her? I asked her about her fantasies and she opened up and threesomes, foursome and 5 somes (the latter being her favorite) crazy, in the begging of the year she could talk about sex for more than 5 minutes. She says she is totally in love with me and our family and wants to explore this together. This is drastic, I am surprised at myself and how quickly I accepted this change.


I never wanted anything but pure monogomy during my awakening experience..... my fantasies became for Vivid for sure... more HOT, dirty and even a little aggressive.. but I wanted to keep the reality purely in our bedroom -just the 2 of us.

I can relate to her other symptoms though.... happened to me when I hit 42, after our last baby, I KNOW there was a hormonal spike,...A couple things happend around this time -that stirred my dopamine towards my husband ...and even my TEST levels, I felt like it was a Niagra Falls effect ....

Before this time, I didn't care for PORN....(though always loved a hot R rated sex scene)... But porn....that is all I wanted to set my eyes upon, it was like "ELECTRIC"...so we rented it... I felt like my mind was hi-jacked & I swear I couldnt help this....but I found I was undressing every man on the street if he was relatively good looking, if someone could see into my brain...YIKES!!! 

I even entertained I had a sex addiction & found a forum, I started to buy lingerie, sex books, a sex game, anything & everything to spice the daylights out of our sex life (in our case, we were always very vanilla , I was inhibited, so this could have intensified this coming out for me- I felt all of a sudden all the FUN & dirty excitement we have been missing for years )....

My husband couldn't keep up with me, this was a bit frustrating, I felt like I could have taken on 3 guys during that time...it lasted for 8 full months, never needed a drop of forplay... 

I never did have my hormones tested (regret that now), I did mention it to my OBGYN, all she said was..."Enjoy it"...so I did!

After 8 months - I started to need forplay again... and I would say my physical DRIVE is the same as it ever was... but what I learned & we experienced through that time period...I will NEVER be the same... It has brought us on the mountain peak of intimacy in our marraige. 



> *Keeper63 said*: Enjoy while it lasts, many times these sorts of sudden increases in sex drive, etc., are from mid-life hormone shifts, odds are it won't stay this way forever.


 Yep, likely very true! That was my husbands attitude, he was loving it -even if I was wearing him out -cause he didn't know how long it would last.


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

Lucky you! Take full advantage of this time cos you don't know how long it will last.

I'm 34 and feel like I started to peak about a year and a half ago. Unfortunately my husband has no drive so I have to take care of myself which is disappointing to put it mildly. 

What you describe sounds totally normal, so go have fun!


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

Anomnom said:


> Lucky you! Take full advantage of this time cos you don't know how long it will last.
> 
> I'm 34 and feel like I started to peak about a year and a half ago. Unfortunately my husband has no drive so I have to take care of myself which is disappointing to put it mildly.
> 
> What you describe sounds totally normal, so go have fun!


Really??? Wanting to be gang-banged is totally normal? :scratchhead:


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

MadeInMichigan said:


> Really??? Wanting to be gang-banged is totally normal? :scratchhead:


Oops, I actually missed that sentence in the OP. But it's just fantasy, it's not like she's specifically requesting to participate in a gang bang..and if she did, then I would be concerned and suggest the OP doesn't indulge that fantasy with her!


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

I'm off to get 5 copies of the book;

One for her bedside table
One for the bathroom
One for the car (traffic jams etc)
One for the top of the TV (so she sees it)
One for the refrigerator

I'm clasping at straws here!!!!

Ever hopeful 7737!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

7737 said:


> I'm off to get 5 copies of the book;
> 
> One for her bedside table
> One for the bathroom
> ...


If she has even one literary bone in her body, you'll be walking funny for awhile with 5 copies of 50 shoved up your ass. :rofl:


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Do any men find it a bit insulting that their wives need to read some erotica, or see a movie (such as Magic Mike) to suddenly be horny as heck for them?

I mean I'd likely enjoy the situation myself, but it sure would cheapen it for me that my wife would need that to get that horny for me when she couldn't be bothered a few weeks earlier. I don't see to many tales on here about how a man wasn't interested in his wife but after reading an edition of Penthouse Forum he was suddenly revved up for his wife. Vice versa, I doubt I'd be reading to many women saying "Right on, go for it and enjoy this time" if he was.

Seriously, why is it so hard for a woman to get turned on by her own man who is at home that she needs to turn to a fantasy book to get the juices flowing?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

...I used to love reading Penthouse Forum...


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

spudster said:


> Try everything except the group sex and swinging! That will lead to disaster. Otherwise, enjoy her sexual awakening and be glad she is sharing it with you and not some stranger. Most of us men would envy you.
> 
> Now, if she is totally out of control, then demand that she get her hormones and thyroid checked. This kind of sudden increase in libido can be a sign of a serious medical issue.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This! Enjoy!!









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

I Like to read PF also.

If there was Viagra for womeon, I would like my wife to take it. if she would actually read a book and get turned on... I would be a happy camper. My wife just doesn't think about sex. If 50 sog would help (if she would even open the boook) I would buy it in a heartbeat. 

Thats great OP... Be careful what you wish for. more power to you!

I still may invest in 50 SOG. You never know.


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## cub!chy (May 7, 2012)

Thanks all, especially SimplyAmorous, your insight and expertise really helped to give me a snapshot into my wife’s mind. Any other woman wants to share or men on their wife’s experience? I guess I am lucky that its happening and that I can keep up. :smthumbup: So the consensus is that she is peaking? The multiple partners are just fantasies, I put it in, to illustrate that a year ago she couldn’t say sex and now she is openly talking about wild fantasies. It’s all about me and her, no issues. This change is drastic, thus my post, where was this new personality for the last 12 years, why did it take so long to come out?
I asked her about 50 SOG and she said that it explained how she felt and she accepted that it wasn’t bad and wanted to explore it with me. She keeps surprising me on a daily basis, it’s crazy, it’s like your wife changing to a new person overnight.::scratchhead:


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Do any men find it a bit insulting that their wives need to read some erotica, or see a movie (such as Magic Mike) to suddenly be horny as heck for them?
> 
> I mean I'd likely enjoy the situation myself, but it sure would cheapen it for me that my wife would need that to get that horny for me when she couldn't be bothered a few weeks earlier. I don't see to many tales on here about how a man wasn't interested in his wife but after reading an edition of Penthouse Forum he was suddenly revved up for his wife. Vice versa, I doubt I'd be reading to many women saying "Right on, go for it and enjoy this time" if he was.
> 
> Seriously, why is it so hard for a woman to get turned on by her own man who is at home that she needs to turn to a fantasy book to get the juices flowing?


Arousal is a response. For many women, getting turned on is a mental thing, not just a physical thing. Erotic thoughts become erotic actions. We often hear that men are visual (hence, porn pics and videos)...women can be visual, too, but many need the mental turn-on.

Sounds like the OP's wife found the books a mental turn-on, and her husband giving them to her to read probably "allowed" her to express her turn-ons to him instead of being afraid (or ashamed or inhibited or whatever) to tell him what turns her on.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

norajane said:


> Arousal is a response. For many women, getting turned on is a mental thing, not just a physical thing. Erotic thoughts become erotic actions. We often hear that men are visual (hence, porn pics and videos)...women can be visual, too, but many need the mental turn-on.
> 
> Sounds like the OP's wife found the books a mental turn-on, and her husband giving them to her to read probably "allowed" her to express her turn-ons to him instead of being afraid (or ashamed or inhibited or whatever) to tell him what turns her on.


Oh I get that and that women are more mentally aroused. I guess my point is that women were aroused at one point by their current husband/partner, so why now does it take a book to get that going? Why can't her own husband continue to fulfill that need?

I get that there is always a drop off in that natural attraction, but it seems like that drop off is far less severe and far less common amoung men than it is women.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Already Gone said:


> I Like to read PF also.
> 
> If there was Viagra for womeon, I would like my wife to take it. if she would actually read a book and get turned on... I would be a happy camper. My wife just doesn't think about sex. If 50 sog would help (if she would even open the boook) I would buy it in a heartbeat.
> 
> ...


I'd never heard of the books until Saturday Night Live did a skit...looked it up on Amazon, and the reviews were a trip! Some ladies just loved it; others were appalled at the terrible, terrible writing and stupid plot and unbelievable characters. 

But, you're on the right track. The brain is the most powerful sex organ. Great sex starts in her head - being mentally turned on will fuel her physically. Finding out what is erotic to her may be a challenge, though. It's not something we are taught to discuss, just to fantasize about. If she ever masturbates, she is most likely fantasizing, so she has some erotic thoughts and turn-ons.


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## mc1234 (Jun 9, 2012)

My H brought 50 SOG for himself to read as he said loads of people was talking about it. I am HD at the moment and like amorous, got into porn, something I hardly entertained a few months back. 

Unfortunately, my H is not willing to go for it hours every night though I wish he would. We are both 44 and oldest is 16 , so no using the kids as an excuse. 

Enjoy!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Oh I get that and that women are more mentally aroused. I guess my point is that women were aroused at one point by their current husband/partner, so why now does it take a book to get that going? Why can't her own husband continue to fulfill that need?
> 
> I get that there is always a drop off in that natural attraction, but it seems like that drop off is far less severe and far less common amoung men than it is women.


I believe that when relationships are new, the sex is exciting by virtue of the newness and the "in love" brain chemicals. Once that fades, men are still aroused by nakedness and proximity (men's bodies are biologically wired to want sex all the time), but women need a mentally erotic component to it to be turned on (because their bodies are biologically wired to want sex during ovulation, not all the time).

That's my theory - I have no evidence to back me up! (Except, maybe, the thousands of reviews on Amazon of the 50 shades books).


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

cub!chy said:


> I guess I am lucky that its happening and that I can keep up. :smthumbup: So the consensus is that she is peaking? The multiple partners are just fantasies, I put it in, to illustrate that a year ago she couldn’t say sex and now she is openly talking about wild fantasies. It’s all about me and her, no issues. This change is drastic, thus my post, where was this new personality for the last 12 years, why did it take so long to come out?


Yes, you are blessed that you can keep up ! :smthumbup: I found myself questioning my husband's desire, even sent him to the Encronologist for blood work, I wanted to know what his Test was , at one point I was almost hoping it was too low so he could get treatment so he'd be a madman for sex.... (this is all kinda funny looking back )...

We learned he was low normal for his age... She even said his numbers were normal for a man in his 60's -he was only 45 at the time!! That damn comment worried me for months, thinking he is all washed up and here I am -just getting started. I wanted so bad to go back in time. 

Thank God for living in the day of Vitamin V ...and some Stiff Nights. Ha ha .... I wasn't raping him though, he wanted to be there, so long as he could get it up, he was ready to go with a  on his face. Gotta love that attitude. He's my Hero, then I felt bad...cause I didn't have such an attitude in our past. 

If all is wonderful in your marriage, I would think the multiple partners are just fantasy - makes sense to me, I was having fantasies about younger men. But the majority of those was just US re-living our youth & experiencing the things we never did.....we were so vanilla, we should have been :BoomSmilie_anim: shot! 

I really did take on the mindset of a Cougar - just let out of a cage. ha ha Darn good thing I wasn't single -cause I think I would have gotten myself into some real touble. 

I also noticed I CARED more about his LUST -over his LOVE for me, how funny is that...just like young boys who just want to BANG anything they can stick it into. 

Why did it take so long... it is that hormonal shift, I have no idea what 50 SOG even is (???) might want to get my hands on it though ....not that I need any more inspiration... but yet, I love erotic stuff. As I age, I want to keep this mindset flowing. 

I found this on the net yrs ago... explains a little what is happening hormonally....even though some of us it seems our seesaw has hit the sky ! >>



> *Balance the seesaw*.
> 
> When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
> 
> Again, hormonal changes are bringing the couple into closer balance. Men and women both produce testosterone and estrogen, but the proportion of each changes over the years. The male's shifting levels of estrogen and testosterone may make him more willing to follow than to lead, happy for his wife to set the pace. And as a woman's estrogen declines and her testosterone becomes proportionately greater, she may become more assertive.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

norajane said:


> I believe that when relationships are new, the sex is exciting by virtue of the newness and the "in love" brain chemicals. Once that fades, men are still aroused by nakedness and proximity (men's bodies are biologically wired to want sex all the time), but women need a mentally erotic component to it to be turned on (because their bodies are biologically wired to want sex during ovulation, not all the time).
> 
> That's my theory - I have no evidence to back me up! (Except, maybe, the thousands of reviews on Amazon of the 50 shades books).


I guess I'm more of the opinion that if a woman has a good husband and actually works at it, she can get herself into the mood for her own husband on a semi-regular basis. 

It's just a pet peeve of mine I guess that I (and this does apply to other men as well, as this forum would attest) am even more turned on by my fiancee now than I was several years ago, while she may need to read an erotic novel to want to jump my bones.

Why not just put some effort into it for your own man, who does a heck of a lot more for you in life than some fictional character in a book.

I'm just venting, nothing personal norajane.


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## HuggyBear (Aug 4, 2012)

50 Shades of Grey???

I absolutely LOVE this:
Gilbert Gottfried Reads Fifty Shades of Grey - YouTube

It reminds me that you can never really know who's writing this stuff, or if the person on the other end of the internet is really a guy in a pink teddy....

In all seriousness, though, the whole story is about a young woman being "used" and then realizing it, and walking away... like a lot of women's experiences in having an extramarital affair. It's just a kind of fantasy.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Can anyone tell me if the wikipedia entry on 50 SOG is accurate:

Fifty Shades of Grey - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I'm not interested in reading the book, just curious what all the fuss is about. If this is the plot line though, then I don't get the appeal to so many women. It sounds like it's a book about a women getting completely used by some higher up.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I guess I'm more of the opinion that if a woman has a good husband and actually works at it, she can get herself into the mood for her own husband on a semi-regular basis.
> 
> It's just a pet peeve of mine I guess that I (and this does apply to other men as well, as this forum would attest) am even more turned on by my fiancee now than I was several years ago, while she may need to read an erotic novel to want to jump my bones.
> 
> ...


I really do believe it has a lot to do with the way our brains are wired. I think women have a more "responsive" sex drive - they aren't automatically turned on; they need to "get turned on" in order to want sex. I've always believe that foreplay starts long before clothes come off...that teasing and flirting help a woman get mentally turned on long before anything physical happens.

And I think men are wired to think about sex more, to be more easily stimulated by just the sight of a woman's body, and being physically stimulated gets them mentally turned on (instead of the other way around for women).

Obviously, there are exceptions, and I'm no scientist. I just know that sex was "just sex" to me until I tapped into my mental turn-ons and what I found erotic. My desire for sex increased when I understood myself better and understood what turned me on.


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

Well, congratulations. You have every man's dream. Enjoy it as long as you can. Whenever your **** feels sore but she wants more, think of most the other married men who are turned down 9 times out of ten only to get vanilla that 10th time. Also, try to record as much of it as you can on video so you can relive and enjoy it again later if her fountain of ****tiness every dries up.


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

Do you think 5 copies stuffed up my ass would massage my prostate?

If yes, then there is NO WAY she would stuff them up my ass!


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## srtjm (Jul 11, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> Can anyone tell me if the wikipedia entry on 50 SOG is accurate:
> 
> Fifty Shades of Grey - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> 
> I'm not interested in reading the book, just curious what all the fuss is about. If this is the plot line though, then I don't get the appeal to so many women. It sounds like it's a book about a women getting completely used by some higher up.


Don't want to spoil it for you, but that's just the first book. The plot thickens as they say! I think it's a good read.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

srtjm said:


> Don't want to spoil it for you, but that's just the first book. The plot thickens as they say! I think it's a good read.


Yeah, I know that's just the first book. I'm asking what the appeal is to women. I couldn't find a review of the next two books (didn't really look hard though) but I don't get the appeal to so many women. It sounds like he's just using her as his sex slave and she has some guilty excitement/disgust at being dominated in the first book.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

norajane said:


> I'd never heard of the books until Saturday Night Live did a skit...looked it up on Amazon, and the reviews were a trip! Some ladies just loved it; others were appalled at the terrible, terrible writing and stupid plot and unbelievable characters.
> 
> But, you're on the right track. The brain is the most powerful sex organ. Great sex starts in her head - being mentally turned on will fuel her physically. Finding out what is erotic to her may be a challenge, though. It's not something we are taught to discuss, just to fantasize about. If she ever masturbates, she is most likely fantasizing, so she has some erotic thoughts and turn-ons.


My wife NEVER masterbates. I don't even think she has a fantasy. It takes so much effort to get her aroused. It is like she doesn't allow her mind to go there. After 20 years, I still can't find out what turns her on. 

I did buy 50 SOG. I think she read the first 2 chapters. I think I won't have the great results of the OP.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

cub!chy said:


> Thanks all, especially SimplyAmorous, your insight and expertise really helped to give me a snapshot into my wife’s mind. Any other woman wants to share or men on their wife’s experience? I guess I am lucky that its happening and that I can keep up. :smthumbup: So the consensus is that she is peaking? The multiple partners are just fantasies, I put it in, to illustrate that a year ago she couldn’t say sex and now she is openly talking about wild fantasies. It’s all about me and her, no issues. This change is drastic, thus my post, where was this new personality for the last 12 years, why did it take so long to come out?
> I asked her about 50 SOG and she said that it explained how she felt and she accepted that it wasn’t bad and wanted to explore it with me. She keeps surprising me on a daily basis, it’s crazy, it’s like your wife changing to a new person overnight.::scratchhead:




I am praying for this to happen to my wife. I wish she would talk about her wild fantasies. I don't think she has any though.


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## Jimbob82 (Jun 29, 2012)

My wife bought this about 2 months ago. It sat on the windowsill gathering dust, un-read. The other day whilst tidying, I just put it in a drawer, and fully expect to find it there in 2 years time, un-read. It'll be in good company though, with the vibrator we bought years ago, and used about 3 times, and the small collection of sexy underwear she bought, and never wore


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## cub!chy (May 7, 2012)

According to my wife the first book is great and the second is better, darker, which she liked, but the 3rd she said is too domesticated and dint like it as much. I need to keep this going and will do whatever I can, so she told me I need to read the book to get her. Guess what, I am reading the book; I am ¼ of the way already, I don’t get it like she does, but anything I can do to understand her mind, I am going to do, period! If she loses interest, suggest reading it together or you pick it up and get her going, it flipped my wife into a HD, so it’s worth a try.


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## RichardCollier (Aug 10, 2012)

All this talk of "vanilla sex" vs. "non-vanilla sex" and the sudden interest in BDSM you know she's gotta be reading 50 shades of grey!

enjoy the ride while it lasts!


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

My wife is actually reading 50 SOG... She can't put it down. There may be hope here.


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