# Why do I make my wife "sick"?



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I have mentioned this in other posts, but i wanted to throw it out and see if perhaps some ladies here could explain this. My wife has filed for divorce after 18 years of marriage. She actually persued me 20 years ago and asked me out. She acted like she was crazy about me and would always be with me.

Our marriage has not been turbulent. We haven't had enough negative issues to even mention; it's been a Norman Rockwell marriage.

I have not cheated and I'm not abusive. We are financially in great shape and I help around the house. She just says we no longer communicate and I don't want to get out and do things like I once did. 

In the last few months, she informs me that she is no longer happy and hasn't been for several years. She seemed depressed and would lie around and cry and seem distant. She first informed me that she didn't want any intimacy, no hand holding or anything. then she said it was difficult to even lie beside me in the same bed, so i vouluntarily went to the couch. Then she said she felt like we needed to separate. Without a lot of options, it didn't come immediately, so one day she said, "So what are you going to do, just hang around like nothing is wrong?" She said she had no desire to go anywhere with me or take me around her family, or even ride in the same vehicle with me. I told her I would do "anything" to make it work, but she no longer wanted the things that she said drove us apart. For example, she liked to go around her family and play games, but she said the thought of doing that with me now just made her sick since I never wanted to do it before. 

We are not having a messy/angry divorce. Our divorce won't be final for several more weeks, but we easily reached an agreement for the divorce. She's not out to rip me apart and she want's me to have a good relationship with the kids. 

I don't know if this is odd or normal, but I think she has confidence in me as a father and thinks I'm a good one, but the thoughts of me as a husband just seems to make her sick. 

I have even spoke to women in her family and they don't seem to understand her. 

I see no signs of another man.

So, what makes a woman become "sick" of her husband when there have been no major issues like cheating? I can understand her being dissatified with me, but I don't think her reaction is a normal reaction regardless of the situation.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I'm sorry you are going through this....

I have to say you sound like a "Nice Guy" (there's a good thread about this somewhere...I think in the Men's Clubhouse or what it's called).....

It's sounds like she's just bored with her marriage.....

Nothing exiting is going on....you do everything right and help and all.....

That's all I can think of....what do you think...could she be bored with it ???


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> I'm sorry you are going through this....
> 
> I have to say you sound like a "Nice Guy" (there's a good thread about this somewhere...I think in the Men's Clubhouse or what it's called).....
> 
> ...


Generally speaking, I think she could be bored, but why is she "sick"? Also, we are not the type to divorce over boredom. 
I know that some people with a relaxed view on marriage start it with the attitude,"we'll try it, and if it doesn't work, we'll just get divorce." That, however, is not us. Us getting a divorce is like Donald trump no longer liking wealth, or Wolfgand Puck no longer liking cooking. That's why I am so puzzled. I can understand her being bored or dissatisfied, but why "sick"? I'm a believer that anything can be worked out after 18 years if both want it to be.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

southbound said:


> Generally speaking, I think she could be bored, but why is she "sick"? Also, we are not the type to divorce over boredom.
> I know that some people with a relaxed view on marriage start it with the attitude,"we'll try it, and if it doesn't work, we'll just get divorce." That, however, is not us. Us getting a divorce is like Donald trump no longer liking wealth, or Wolfgand Puck no longer liking cooking. That's why I am so puzzled. I can understand her being bored or dissatisfied, but why "sick"? I'm a believer that anything can be worked out after 18 years if both want it to be.


You know after 2 (one was annulled) failed marriages I thought too that we weren't ever going to get divorced....

My husband is a very level headed, smart and awesome guy....I thought we'd be together forever...but apparently midlife crisis and depression changed him and his ability to cope with issues....

I don't know what to tell you....

Maybe she's going through some sort of midlife crisis herself ?!?


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> You know after 2 (one was annulled) failed marriages I thought too that we weren't ever going to get divorced....
> 
> My husband is a very level headed, smart and awesome guy....I thought we'd be together forever...but apparently midlife crisis and depression changed him and his ability to cope with issues....
> 
> ...


I've thought too that she may be going through mid-life crisis. I wonder if people snap out of this and regret any hasty, uncharacteristic decisions, or do they actually change their lifestyle and remain happy?


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

southbound said:


> I've thought too that she may be going through mid-life crisis. I wonder if people snap out of this and regret any hasty, uncharacteristic decisions, or do they actually change their lifestyle and remain happy?


Mmmhh...I don't know....see my husband's lifestyle is picture perfect....

Nothing he should have to change....

He's a hard worker....went back to college after 24 years in the Army to become a cop...making a pretty good living....he has 2 wonderful, smart kids.....he's very handsome and get's hit on constantly.....he's simply a guy every woman would want...

Nothing he's been doing so far needs change....except for one thing....his wife....me !!!!!

And I think that's where his midlife crisis issue lies.... to have the life he wants (perfect) he needs to change the issue....he needs to get rid of the issue....me !!!!

I'm was bad at money management (debt), too scared to go back for a different college degree to get a successful career (I'm a foreign national and was worried about the language issue) and since working full time got a little negligent about housework....

So when it all came together my husband built up so much resentment and anger that he thought divorce is the only solution....and this is where were at now....even though I'm making changes to my life now....I don't think he'll come around...

I'm hoping (still I guess) that he will snap out of it, but I can't be sure, so I'm letting him go....

Maybe your wife will snap out of it....maybe not....

It depends on what her issues are with you and whether they can be resolved....

Her saying she's sick of you might be her anger and resentment speaking....

Something you've neglected to do or something you have done in your marriage might have upset her so much that she resents you now, saying she's sick of you....

Maybe you should have a talk with her and tell her one last time that you love her and that you'd do anything in your power to work on this marriage....and then back off as much as possible....don't beg, don't plead....change whatever needs change and live one day at a time....

You can't change her....you can only change yourself....and that might make her see you in a different light again.....


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