# Is it strange....



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

That husband (or STBXH as referred to here) and I get along so well? In the past two weeks, we (son and I) have had dinner with him and his mom 4 or 5 times. He comes over often to help out around the house with things. This weekend it was the kitchen sink getting backed up. He was planning on coming by tonight, even left work early to rent the snake when the drain miraculously cleared itself (saved me $60). He mows the lawns every two weeks and pretty much does more now that he's moved out than when he lived here. I don't know if he's doing it out of guilt or just because he's a nice guy? He says he does it just because he's like that and that he wouldn't not help me out when I need him to. I just keep thinking the other shoe is going to drop. I hear people talk about the horrors of divorce and how they can't stand to even see their spouse much less talk to them and here we are having dinner together and seeing each other quite often...and actually getting along. It doesn't feel forced or fake. Could we possibly get through and still be friends or should I expect things to turn and us end up hating each other. I certainly hope not, I can't picture us hating each other.:scratchhead:


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

JAW some people get through it and remain friends. Me personally I'm not that type of person and never have been. If you put me through this type of stuff then nope I can not be friends with you sorry but that is just me. He might just be trying to be nice to get through the divorce.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

That's the other strange thing, Lost. The divorce or even separation agreement has not even been spoken about. I went out and bought a DIY divorce kit from an office supply place the other day, but have yet to even open it. Part of me feels like I should hurry up and write up the agreement, but then I think "this is your baby, your idea, you do it". He's still having his check deposited to our joint account and is helping to pay all the bills. He doesn't spend anything other than the occasional lunch and gas to get to and from work. I know he's not going out and when he does his friends usually pay for him (weekly beer nights). He is kind of pressuring me to get my own health insurance because he doesn't want to pay for me anymore, but he's offered to help pay for it...again I am scratching my head on that one. It's just all so weird.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Ok WTF I totally do not understand what is going on with him lol. Maybe someone else can chime in.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Ok guys... I'm in EXACTLY the same boat.

STBX wants to come over all the time, mow the lawn, trash, laundry, paint the house, etc.

He has made no move towards legal papers either. ie: D or legal separation.

And he wants us to go to MC. What the hell for?

I can't get my head around this crapola and its driving me nuts. Today I set the No Contact rule. Told him to email me for child issues and move his stuff out.

AS FOR BEING FRIENDS.... my beloved husband who I have supported, nursed back from multiple surgeries, supported thru grad school and sat alone for thousands of nights while he has worked the crappiest shifts of all time, has walked out on me and our special needs child, had multiple EA's, and treated me like a block of wood for years.

This same man who I love(d) with all my heart has now told me he hates our life, he made a mistake marrying me, has been miserable for years and NOW wants a divorce, is getting his own apartment and never coming back.

I feel like a loved one has died. I have never been through something so painful and hard as this.

He can take the friends thing and shove it up his [email protected]&.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

brokenbythis said:


> He can take the friends thing and shove it up his [email protected]&.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I would tell them to just stay the h3ll away from me. I could not be around them. I do not even want to see my STBXW at all.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

My separation is a week old... my husband had an affair. We have to continue to live together (but in separate bedrooms) because neither can afford to pay the mortgage by ourselves and we aren't in a position financially to be able to pay rent on an apt and the mortgage.

We have 2 kids. I still cook dinner and we cooperate with getting the kids ready and still put them to bed as a family. After the initial blow up, we are becoming like we were before it happened... talking, spending time together, no fighting.

He wants to go to MC and I've agreed because I want to keep things amicable but I'm not backing down on my intent to finalize the divorce that I filed within hours of finding out about his affair.

I don't want to fight constantly or have the house be strained because our very young children don't need to deal with that... but I'm worried I'm giving him false hope that I'm going to change my mind.

If you want to stay with your husband, I would consider his re-involvement in your marriage a good thing. He may be reconsidering a divorce, because being alone is well... lonely.

Maybe suggest MC. If he refuses to go, you could try the 180 deal that has been mentioned repeatedly on here. Let him mow the lawn, but you give every appearance that you are moving on. Next time he comes over, just happen to be going over the DIY Divorce kit you bought... have it spread out on kitchen table... No more dinners with him and mom, etc.

Because he may just be seeing this as a way to have his cake and eat it too. The good parts of marriage (family dinners, no fighting), with none of the bad... he can go do what he wants when he wants... he doesn't have to stick around long enough to resolve any problems that may arise... etc.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Lovebug501 said:


> If you want to stay with your husband, I would consider his re-involvement in your marriage a good thing. He may be reconsidering a divorce, because being alone is well... lonely.
> 
> _My STBX has repeatedly told me all his buddies who divorced their 1st wives found another wife and they are happy. I am disposable. I would not be surprised if he has registered on dating sites already._
> Maybe suggest MC. If he refuses to go, you could try the 180 deal that has been mentioned repeatedly on here. Let him mow the lawn, but you give every appearance that you are moving on. Next time he comes over, just happen to be going over the DIY Divorce kit you bought... have it spread out on kitchen table... No more dinners with him and mom, etc.
> ...


_Exactly. Having his cake and eating it. I have no doubt he is running from the issues. He really does not want to deal with them. He wants a new partner, after throwing away his family. That way he does not have to do any work, on us or himself. Problem solved. _


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

Then I would strongly suggest the 180 discussed in another thread... I wish I knew where it was so I could tell you. The one thing I've tried to do is to stop thinking in terms of "us" and him... instead, I focus on what I need to do to live for me and my children. I am preparing for life on one income, and without him. It's somewhat easy for me because I have always been very independent, but I backslide because he has been a part of my life for so many years, it's hard to imagine what it will be like without him.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

And he sees the change in me and swears he will change to be a better husband, which I fully support - but he can be a better husband to someone else. I've had all I will accept of him.


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