# second marriage information



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Does anyone know of any good articles or other sources about the success of second marriages. I've read that second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages and aren't necessarily happier. Everyone here, however, in the "Do you regret your divorce" thread seems happy with their second marriage. I wonder if it depends on a lot of factors like;

- how long you were married: Discovering you made a mistake after two years as opposed to 20 years.
- divorce because your looking for greener grass as opposed to real reasons like abuse.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Hmmm?????? I definitely behave more prudently towards relationships since my divorce. However, I have seen many individuals who jump in hastily and blindly because they are lonely.


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

I heard that the rate of divorce among secong marriages is close to 50% even higher for 3rd marriages.. I was married for almost 16 years when she decided the grass was greener elsewhere.. Since then I have met a wonderful lady and being divorced twice already I am not rushing into number 3


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ Smart man.  

I guess it depends on the couple. Some folks go on to have a better 2nd marriage, others don't. All depends on the relationship and the folks involved.

I am still young (30) and hopefully have a lot of life left in me and recently divorced but I am really not sure it is something I would do again. Sure, it'd be nice to have a LTR again but I'm not sure marriage is the 'be all/end all' I once thought it was. It does not hold the same significance it did for me in the past. If that makes sense.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> ^ Smart man.
> 
> I guess it depends on the couple. Some folks go on to have a better 2nd marriage, others don't. All depends on the relationship and the folks involved.
> 
> I am still young (30) and hopefully have a lot of life left in me and recently divorced but I am really not sure it is something I would do again. Sure, it'd be nice to have a LTR again but I'm not sure marriage is the 'be all/end all' I once thought it was. It does not hold the same significance it did for me in the past. If that makes sense.


I think that totally makes sense, especially for women. I'm not sure about men. But it's always seemed to me that there are a couple of points in our lives where marriage is "expected" or that it's assumed to be the next thing on the List of Life. You know...High School, College, Wedding, Start Career, Knock-Out-Some-Kids-And-A-Minivan, Back to Career.... Marriage as an achievement gets built up sometimes more than marriage as consummation of the relationship. I think that sometimes leads to a lot of the "starter marriages" you see now. But that's just one of the theories that rattles around in my head sometimes 

As far as the success rate for second marriages, I think you can find any story or statistic you look for. Here's a perfect example: my mother is on her second marriage, she and my stepdad have been together for 18 or 19 years now, married for about 12 of those. My stepfather is on his 6th marriage to his 5th wife (he married my stepbrothers' mother twice--clearly not a great success rate for a second marriage there!). You can argue any side you want for the success of second (+) marriages looking at the two of them....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

COGypsy said:


> I think that totally makes sense, especially for women. I'm not sure about men. But it's always seemed to me that there are a couple of points in our lives where marriage is "expected" or that it's assumed to be the next thing on the List of Life. You know...High School, College, Wedding, Start Career, Knock-Out-Some-Kids-And-A-Minivan, Back to Career.... Marriage as an achievement gets built up sometimes more than marriage as consummation of the relationship. I think that sometimes leads to a lot of the "starter marriages" you see now.


I agree with what you are saying here. A lot of folks think of it as the Next Thing To Do. 

And I wonder if this one past was my own personal "starter marriage." Hehehe. :rofl:


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

South:

Ignore the statistics about 2nd marriages. Blended families are difficult because step-children often try to sabotage a new marriage due to their fear of an interloper with their parent. But do be careful of your heart, and make sure that you are completely healed from your first marriage before you jump into a second one. If you are too needy, you will miss vital clues that the new person is wrong for you. 

I took the lessons that I learned from my first marriage about meeting each other's needs, thinking "we" not "me", overlooking personal flaws, and recognizing that sex is the glue that holds a marriage together.

We have now been married for 34 wonderful years, and I am so glad that I was willing to open my heart again! Give yourself time to heal, and then find someone else that you can share your life with. She is out there, and you will find the joy that you thought was lost forever.


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