# Does your spouse say anything if you run errands at night?



## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

Hello everyone! I hope everyone finds this in best of heath. 

So today I was getting some work done at Panera bread and these ladies were sitting next to me discussing their relationship problems. Anyway so at first I was trying not to eavesdrop but once the discussion got interesting I could not help it (did not get much done though, but that is my own fault). 

In summary lady#1 was saying that she wishes her husband was more I guess for lack of a better word gentlemanly. She wanted him to open the doors for her, carry groceries up, show affection when they went out with friends but apparently more importantly she did not feel like he worried about her?Apparently he let her go to the grocery store at midnight to get something and she thought that he should have volunteered to go instead. 

Lady#2 I guess was more on the there is nothing wrong with lady#1's husband letting her go to the store at night because the store is close enough. She also said that she would not want her spouse to tell her what to do. 

Just to point it out I live in a very small city. We don't even have our own police station they come from the next city. So it is relatively safe here. 

Lady#3 basically just said that her husband does all of the things lady#1 wanted her husband to do because she "trained" her husband right. 

So what does everyone think? I guess with time things have changed. In the past a husband might have insisted upon going to the store to save his damsel in distress. Do women still expect that from their SO? 

On the other hand with women progressing farther than ever in professional life and home life being more of a 50/50 should women still expect that kind of luxury? 

Personally I lived by myself a long time before I met FH so I see no problem with going to the store by myself at night. There have been numerous times when FH was cooking and wanted me to go to the store and grab something really quick and I did not think much of it except that better him cooking than me haha! 

Opinions?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

There is nothing like a quickie in the little park close by the grocery store on a dull evening.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

I'm rural, too, and the rule here is this:
Whomever points out that there's a need for a late-night store run...that's who 'gets' to go to the store, even if it is the next town over (next to Panera, oddly enough.)

My ex was a completely different story: not a gentleman and hated if I went anywhere at night. At first I thought it was because we lived in a major city's barrio. Later I found out he was having an affair himself, and it was a PA way of blame-shifting.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

If there was something we needed THAT bad that we needed it from the grocery store..my hubby would probably go WITH me..but we'd probably need it pretty bad to go at midnight. 

However...IF we needed something that badly and I insisted on going out for it...he'd be watching the clock and if I wasn't back in an hour..he'd be calling my cell and if I didn't answer..he'd be out looking for me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AS you can see from the lady's at the table.. every women has her own personal point of view.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Women and even sometimes men disappear and are found later in fields in small towns without a police force. Is your area really safe? I have no idea but crazy can happen anywhere. 

In general being out at night on back roads can be dangerous. We have had incidents of women being run off the road. Even men pretending to be police officers. Even real police officers checking women for drugs hidden in their hooha. Seriously. They assume people out at night are up to no good. Kinda messed up but they play the odds.

I find places particularly dangerous for my wife if she is travelling home late and going through an area with no mobile phone connectivity. 

But your real question is how women feel about men protecting them. Whatever. I am concerned for my wife travelling in risky areas at bad times. In fact the other morning she opened for where she works and the doors had been kicked open. She called the police. They wanted to know if she was carrying a weapon. They came in and checked the building closely. They also advised her to carry a weapon if she was going to be opening.

If my wife had some sort of issue with me being concerned for her, I would esentially not care to be married to her. We would be incompatible.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

memyselfandi said:


> If there was something we needed THAT bad that we needed it from the grocery store..my hubby would probably go WITH me..but we'd probably need it pretty bad to go at midnight.
> 
> However...IF we needed something that badly and I insisted on going out for it...he'd be watching the clock and if I wasn't back in an hour..he'd be calling my cell and if I didn't answer..he'd be out looking for me.


I always know the route my wife is taking. She on her own will call when she is leaving a place. This is just common courtesy really.

You know I do the same thing.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I do sometimes go grocery shopping late at night. Hubs will usually come with me.....like a date night...but then, see, we live on 14 acres, and we, well you know....


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

My husband travels a lot so if I need something at midnight it has to be me who goes to get it. I plan fairly well, and I'm normally in bed by ten o'clock, so this scenario is extremely rare for me. I can't even remember the last time I needed to go out late at night for something. I'm trying to think of something that would make me get out of my pjs and into my car....


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

My SO works nights, and my schedule is usually matched to his, so I'm cooking dinner at 1am. If I find out I need something, I have to go get it myself. I do a ton of grocery shopping in the middle of the night.


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

Enoxprin said:


> So what does everyone think? I guess with time things have changed. In the past a husband might have insisted upon going to the store to save his damsel in distress. Do women still expect that from their SO?


My husband would encourage me to wait until the next day to go to the store, or, if it was something I absolutely needed and it could not wait until the next day, he would come with me to the store. 

My husband and I like the make sure the other person is safe, it is just what we do. I wouldn't call myself a damsel in distress because I am with a man who would walk me to the store at midnight.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Generally speaking, once Mrs. Gus gets home from work, the PJ's go on. It's sort of her unspoken rule that, once she has her PJ's on, she doesn't leave the house.

I could count maybe a handful of times (and I'd really have to dig) in the past few years that she's left the house w/o me after dark. Whenever there is an impromptu need for eggs, ice cream, or whatever, it's always me leaving to go get it, and I'm fine w/ that, mostly for all the reasons that Entropy stated above (safety, etc). She's a small person (under 5 ft), and it wouldn't be at all difficult for someone to pull up alongside her in a van as she were leaving the supermarket, grab her, toss her inside, and disappear w/ her.

Normally I hear "Sweetie, would you mind going to the store for..." but, if she were to tell me one evening that she needed to leave in order to run an errand, pick something up, etc, I'd offer to go in her stead. If she insisted on going, I'd offer to drive her. If she insisted on going without me, I'd view that w/ no small amount of suspicion.


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## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

Its interesting how everyone has differences preferences. Thank you for your input everyone. I was just wondering how it worked out in each individual household. 

Personally I don't see a problem with it if its a small errand and the store is around the corner or something but if its a bigger errand or will take longer than >30 mins I would guess the SO should prob accompany their spouse specially if it is late.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I am confused as to what anyone might "NEED" from the store at midnight.

Surely a little Prior Planning & Preparation should avoid the need for unscheduled shopping expeditions. 

Having said that I have been on late night "emergency" trips to the supermarket for Ben & Jerries ice cream but that was when my then expectant wife had a sudden new craving.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Oddly enough, my sister and I went shopping at 9pm on Saturday night, about 20 miles away. Why? She didn't get paid until Saturday, we don't shop from Friday night until Saturday night UNLESS it's an emergency. Saturday was the last day for the "10 for $10 plus 11th item free" sale at Meijer, and she wanted to maximize her savings. Don't blame her. Anyway, my husband is fine with that, or with my dad, or even with another friend. Alone? No. And, really, I agree with him. Unless I go with someone, it waits. Even the local convenience store.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

My way of thinking is to do things together as much as possible. I don't like driving late at night because it's that much harder to see pedestrians (plus they always wear dark clothing). I don't like pulling into near empty parking lots either. I feel a lot safer when my bf goes with me and likewise I offer to join him whenever he goes out on any errands (if this is possible). He and I are both pretty independent, but I suppose I want to train us both to learn to help with and be with each other. 

So if given the choice, I would have asked that we go together. If that's not possible, I think that the responsibility should default to the person suggesting going out, unless there is a good reason they are say, physically unable to.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DH comes with me wherever I go if he's home. We like it that way. It isn't because I'm a damsel in distress. It isn't because our city isn't safe. It isn't because we don't trust each other. 

It's because our time together is precious and we have more fun doing mundane tasks together than doing them alone.


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## Enoxprin (Apr 8, 2014)

Ok so if the situation was different and one person had to work at nights (kids, whatever it might be). My dad worked at night so he could always be home with us during day and my mom works during day. 

If a couple decides that one person should work nights (to decrease babysitting costs or other reasons) would you want the male to work at night?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Enoxprin said:


> Ok so if the situation was different and one person had to work at nights (kids, whatever it might be). My dad worked at night so he could always be home with us during day and my mom works during day.
> 
> If a couple decides that one person should work nights (to decrease babysitting costs or other reasons) would you want the male to work at night?


For us, it would depend on who could get the higher paying position working overnight.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

intheory said:


> I do sometimes go alone to the store between say, 9 and midnight. I'm a night owl generally.
> 
> H doesn't like it. He usually will try to go with me. Because he doesn't like it; I try not to do it too often. We share one car, so sometimes if I want to get some stuff, nighttime is the only time I've got the car.
> 
> ...



When our daughters were young we only had the one car and as I worked shifts there was often no option to use public transport so the big shop would have to wait until I was home. Sometimes we would try and turn it into a family outing but normally it would just be whichever of the adults was either the least tired or the most in need of a break from the kids who got to do the shop no matter what time of the day or night it happened to be.

Our preferred option at the time way for me to take the list to work with me and then get it on the way home.


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## MzLurker (May 21, 2014)

We are walking distance (and even then only about 5 minutes) to a convenience store that's open all hours; when someone brings up wanting a snack that wasn't bought at the store, it's their job to go and get it. After so many years here I feel pretty safe. There are usually a few taxis out in front of the hotel that's across the street, the night hotel staff can see out their large windows, and there is a fast food place not too far away so there's usually a few night owls up getting something to eat. 

If I'm feeling uncomfortable-like on weekends, when the drunken crowd come out and start getting rowdy-I'll just ask to be accompanied. If the woman who wanted her husband to worry just asked, I'm sure he would comply, especially if she was worried herself.


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