# Pleasing Your Partner...



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Question for the men:


I'm curious about this topic, I never really had an in depth conversation with my exh about this. What is it about watching your partner having an orgasm that pleases you??? is it the fact that your able to succeed at pleasing her? I find that men have this need to make sure they've satisfied their partner, and if she does not have an orgasm, they kind of take it personally. I'm even wondering if men realize that women don't have to cum every time they have sex, that sometimes it's really about feeling connected to the other person, the intimacy.


----------



## hurthubby (Nov 9, 2012)

I like to watch when my wife has an orgasm. I dont get off on it but I do enjoy it. I never take credit for my wife having an orgasm, but for me when she is having an orgasm it great to see her have that release and for just a few moments you can see that everything thats been on her mind or bothering her is gone.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Two main reasons for me.

One, I love my wife and obviously want to make every session as enjoyable as possible for her. Why on earth wouldn't I?

Two, you get dopey books like that 50 shades, and porno films that you watch. And even though you know that it's mostly made up rubbish there is part of you that feels unless she is bouncing off the ceiling and screaming with pleasure you're doing it wrong.

There is actually a third that I thought of, and that is that if you give her the maximum pleasure you can manage she is far more likely to want to play again.

And yes it took me quite a while when I was first married to realise the truth of the last part of your post. Sometimes my wife takes pleasure in my pleasure and the feeling of closeness and will tell me if she thinks I won't 'get' her during that session. It took a while to get my head around understanding I hadn't let her down.


----------



## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

I think society puts allot of pressure on men to satisfy their wife.I take it as a personal knock if the wife doesn't orgasm whether that's right or wrong. Women would feel allot different if the situation was reversed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

On another note, what makes it so unimportant for women? I mean what is the point? Do you feel an overwhelming need to "nurture" or something? Does it make you feel as if you have balanced the scales because of something you have done? Does it give you excuse to allow yourself to do something you might have otherwise felt guilty for doing?

I have never had the chance to ask these questions and am hoping to get some insight myself. I kind of felt it was a red flag if my ex didn't O. I would bet quite a few men feel the same. I guess, maybe I felt as if the scales were out of balance is my ex didn't O.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Most likely two reasons why it's important to a guy that his wife experiences orgasm that I can come up with.

1) Pride - you want to know that you can please a woman sexually. Pretty much self explanatory.

2) To maintain a healthy sex life - husbands want to have their wives experience orgasms so that the wife knows that her spouse works at ensuring that her needs are met sexually. We know what happens when the man only cares about his needs and doesn't give a rip about his wife getting her needs met.


----------



## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

As a wife, I never understood the 'oh, I don't have to orgasm _every _time, don't worry about me' mentality. If I started sex and didn't get to 'finish', I'd be climbing the walls with frustration lol. 

Hypothetically, I imagine if the sex wasn't very good or it was taking me an hour to finish, I'd feel guilty making my H 'jump through hoops' for my pleasure or something, but that's all I can come up with as a good enough excuse to put my own orgasm lower on the list.


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

some good answers.

I guess I should clarify a little bit. My on/off (long story lol) partner enjoys the fact that I have an orgasm pretty much every time. It's not just that he likes that it happens, but he enjoys watching me. Sometimes it's from oral, and other times when I use my toy. In one particular position when using my toy, he really gets off watching me have an orgasm. He'll say "take your time", when I let him know I'm close, and he thinks it's sexy. For me, it doesn't really do all that much watching the person, it's actually feeling the sensation of it. I just don't really get the idea of watching me.

Men and women are so different it seems.


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Jane_Doe said:


> As a wife, I never understood the 'oh, I don't have to orgasm _every _time, don't worry about me' mentality. If I started sex and didn't get to 'finish', I'd be climbing the walls with frustration lol.
> 
> Hypothetically, I imagine if the sex wasn't very good or it was taking me an hour to finish, I'd feel guilty making my H 'jump through hoops' for my pleasure or something, but that's all I can come up with as a good enough excuse to put my own orgasm lower on the list.


I can understand where you're coming from, I'm usually like that as well. But there are other times where I want to have sex, but the orgasm is not so important. I guess it really depends on how much sex I've been having at the time. Let's face it, after three times, I'm pretty much done, not going to happen.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

working_together said:


> Question for the men:
> 
> 
> I'm curious about this topic, I never really had an in depth conversation with my exh about this. What is it about watching your partner having an orgasm that pleases you??? is it the fact that your able to succeed at pleasing her? I find that men have this need to make sure they've satisfied their partner, and if she does not have an orgasm, they kind of take it personally. I'm even wondering if men realize that women don't have to cum every time they have sex, that sometimes it's really about feeling connected to the other person, the intimacy.


Good question. If a woman not having an orgasm every time isn't important, why do so many women feel the need to lie about it? I think most guys grade their competency on satisfying their partner and consider failure the quickest way out of the relationship.


----------



## hurthubby (Nov 9, 2012)

With the stigma of every woman has faked an orgasm, then how is a man to know if she really has one or not. As for me I do what I can to try and help my wife reach an orgasm, but if she cant she usually will tell me its not gonna happen tonight, and other times she may have 2 or 3.


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I wish it was important to my husband that I have an orgasm. Maybe he thinks it's awesome enough for me having sex, which I do not orgasm from, and that is enough (although it rarely lasts more than 2 minutes). At least 3 out of 4 times that we have sex, I have to get the lubrication because it's just not going in without it. And then when he comes 2 minutes later, we are done, although there might be some foreplay beforehand. He'll touch, caress me, but as soon as I reciprocate and stroke him, etc., it's hands off from him, and he lays back to enjoy while I'm working him with my hand.

I think the next time, either when I initiate, or he does, if he can't get in because I didn't orgasm first and get wet, then I'll just lay there and let him figure out that he can't get in because I'm so darn dry from lack of stimulation.

I should just say that I want to go one for one with orgasms with him

So, I'd have to say it's not important to my guy.


----------



## hurthubby (Nov 9, 2012)

@Islandgirl3 that sux about your situation have you guys tried anything new in the bedroom to spice it up.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I wish it was important to my husband that I have an orgasm. Maybe he thinks it's awesome enough for me having sex, which I do not orgasm from, and that is enough (although it rarely lasts more than 2 minutes). At least 3 out of 4 times that we have sex, I have to get the lubrication because it's just not going in without it. And then when he comes 2 minutes later, we are done, although there might be some foreplay beforehand. He'll touch, caress me, but as soon as I reciprocate and stroke him, etc., it's hands off from him, and he lays back to enjoy while I'm working him with my hand.
> 
> I think the next time, either when I initiate, or he does, if he can't get in because I didn't orgasm first and get wet, then I'll just lay there and let him figure out that he can't get in because I'm so darn dry from lack of stimulation.
> 
> ...


Well there is one very good reason why I like my wife to O.

And that is if I can get her to have a strong O, there is nothing quite like the sensation of holding still and quiet inside her and fell that gentle twitching on me. Just feeling that alone will bring me to the edge.


----------



## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

There must be something powerful in it for me because we go off together more often than not. I get into kind of a holding pattern and am thinking all about her escalating and when she is there...POOM!


----------



## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I feel that I didn't perform good enough if my wife doesn't have at least one - usually two. It also makes me crazy to see and hear her cumming.


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Two main reasons for me.
> Two, you get dopey books like that 50 shades, and porno films that you watch. And even though you know that it's mostly made up rubbish there is part of you that feels unless she is bouncing off the ceiling and screaming with pleasure you're doing it wrong.


I thought those "dopey" books were awesome. Those 3 books are still the top 3 on the NYT bestseller list, so there's something not-so-dopey about them. After those books, I discovered that I wanted to read more just like them (and more steamier). It has done wonders for my sex drive which was very low. Those books re-ignited my interest for sex. I also attribute those books to making me realize that I want more from sex. It won't be nearly as hot, but I'd like sex to be a little more interesting and exciting. Those books showed me that I had the potential to get excited and interested sex. They also made me realize that lubing myself so that my husband can penetrate just isn't cutting it anymore.


----------



## escapesouth (Nov 17, 2012)

Fortunately myself I married a lady who totally enjoys sex, usually she has mild orgasms. But every once in a while she has these almost unbelivable ones that leave the sheets extremely wet. For me it is a huge turn on, plus its reimforcement that I am doing my part in bed.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> I thought those "dopey" books were awesome. Those 3 books are still the top 3 on the NYT bestseller list, so there's something not-so-dopey about them. After those books, I discovered that I wanted to read more just like them (and more steamier). It has done wonders for my sex drive which was very low. Those books re-ignited my interest for sex. I also attribute those books to making me realize that I want more from sex. It won't be nearly as hot, but I'd like sex to be a little more interesting and exciting. Those books showed me that I had the potential to get excited and interested sex. They also made me realize that lubing myself so that my husband can penetrate just isn't cutting it anymore.


Yes only meant them to be dopey as they tend to portray a rather far fetched depiction of sex.

Not saying there is anything wrong with 'porn star' sex but I couldn't do it every night, perhaps it's an age thing. I don't know if the other guys find the same?
Sometimes there is nothing better than a nice wrapped in each others arms gentle hump.


Sorry slight jack of WT's thread.


----------



## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Watching my wife have an orgasm is simply stupendously erotic, whether I'm responsible or not!

I have no explanation for why that's true, but it is.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I want to agree with the OP.

I think men sometimes place too much emphasis on reaching the destination during sex, instead of making the journey pleasurable.

The entire lovemaking and sex act is NOT about her reaching an orgasm. Its about both partners letting go,enjoying the sexual pleasure until orgasm.
PS
There are different ways for a woman to achieve an orgasm other than penetrative sex.


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

hookares said:


> Good question. If a woman not having an orgasm every time isn't important, why do so many women feel the need to lie about it? I think most guys grade their competency on satisfying their partner and consider failure the quickest way out of the relationship.


I really think it's a very low percentage that lie about orgasms, but who knows. I think it comes back to society placing expectations on women that they SHOULD be having orgasms or something is wrong with them. So, if they don't have one with their partner, they feel indadequate. I believe that women really need to understand that for most women, orgasm just don't happen, it does require some work, the thinking has to be there so to speak.


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

40isthenew20 said:


> I feel that I didn't perform good enough if my wife doesn't have at least one - usually two. It also makes me crazy to see and hear her cumming.


So what does it more for you? the hearing or the seeing??? and what goes through your mind?


----------



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

jaharthur said:


> Watching my wife have an orgasm is simply stupendously erotic, whether I'm responsible or not!
> 
> I have no explanation for why that's true, but it is.


I think that's how my partner sees it, it doesn't matter how it happens, he just wants to be a part of it while it's happening.


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Most men are goal oriented and that is true for sex as well. I throughly enjoy it. Once I begin a task I have to finish it and that means the big O for her. If she doesnt get there I don't feel I did a good job and that is like a crushing defeat for me. One would think that would be an admirable trait!


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I think you'll only hear from guys here who DO make it a priority to please their partner. I don't think a guy, like my husband, is going to respond and say, "during sex I don't hear a peep or slight moan from my wife and I climax and she doesn't almost all of the time."


----------

