# Relationship (Matters of the Heart vs Conscience) - The other woman



## m.s.m (Mar 24, 2013)

There is an older man to which I have been seen for a year now. He is caring, passionate, and thoughtful (among other things). Everything to which I am looking for in a husband.

When we first meet, we took it slow and eventually we talked about our past. He has two children, one son and one daughter, including his mother and several siblings to which are living within the city and its surrounding area. The remainder of his family lives overseas.

Before we started talking about the future, he asked me if I had any problems with being with an older man who has two children. I said no. At this time, he asked me to keep everything quiet from everyone including family and friends. (Though it threw me off quite a bit.) I did, and I promised that I would be by his side regardless. We eventually talked about purchasing a house and having children together. I was delighted. By this time, I had already promised to take care of him and move back to his home country with him.

It was during this time that a comment to which he made when we were talking and planning the future purchase of our own house, he would be traveling back and forth between me and his children that made me question things even more so when we were talking about having children that he mentioned that he wants our future children to stay with me. In that . . . I started to question myself whether he was still married especially when he mentioned that he had to take someone to the doctor for a mammogram.

The first time I question him (in late 2012) about what happened to the mother of his children, he said that was a good question and left it at that. When we were together in early 2013, I asked him again he said that she lives with his children. The following day, I left him a text message apologizing to him if I had hurt him by asking him the question. We spoke occasionally in the morning via telephone when he was on break.

When we meet finally found time to get together, he mentioned that he could not sleep for two days because of the question I’ve asked regarding his wife. Even though I made the promise to him, a part of me has always known. We started talking about making plans to his home country. He mentioned if I like he could show me pictures of his nephew (who is 30), and if I like him, I can be with him. I told him I couldn’t because of the promise I made to him. Just like I cannot walk away because of the promise I made. I know what I must do in the end but I cannot bring myself to do it. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


----------



## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

Ok, well you have yet to say the actual words: Are you planning a new life and sleeping with a MARRIED man? If so, why are you asking what to do? It's quite simple...WALK AWAY! Problem solved. You are all about promises, but I don't believe you were a part of the original "promises" he made to his WIFE on his and her wedding day. Seriously, you need suggestions????


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

So, he's still married? And you're worried about hurting him by breaking a promise? 

I have a feeling he knows all about breaking promises. Do the right thing for yourself, his wife, his kids, your family and your future. 

Leave him and find someone else.


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

If you have a shred of decency you will track down his wife and tell her everything. She has a right to know what kind of ******* she is married to. She has a right to make informed decisions about her life and future.


----------



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

This guy that *LOVES* you so much just offered you up to his nephew ?

As was mentioned, be a decent human being. Tell his wife what a piece of sh1t this person is. How in the world could you be with a man that your sharing with another women and on top is looking to share *YOU* with another family member ? 

What does he want you to do, be with his nephew and then fvck you on the side ?

Please take a step back and look how humanly insane this all is. For the love of Pete. I have ZERO CLUE how you could think this is NORMAL in any sense of the word. 

This world cannot be going in this direction.. Someone Please, Please tell me there are honorable and moral people left in this world. I teach my boys to be paladins, honorable, virtuous and honest. I am starting to think I need to teach them to be cutthroats and thieves instead to survive. 

Please restore my faith OP.. Tell his wife and move on and away from this unholy and vile person. Trust me I am far, far from religious. But this person is EVIL.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

m.s.m said:


> He mentioned if I like he could show me pictures of his nephew (who is 30), and if I like him, I can be with him


If the fact he's married and there are children affected in this mess doesn't phase you, what about the fact this man is offering you another man?

Friend, you were targeted as the cake on the side while he's away, in his separated life abroad. Sorry, you are not more than this to him. Don't delude yourself. if you finnaly start thinking you are worth more and leave him you will be replaced by another young, naive, willing to accept crumbs woman. Like yesterday.

BTW, it you manage to extrincate yourself from this cake eater next time you met a man don't apologize for making as many questions you need answers to. This is exactly the kind of details cake eaters love, a mistress who won't cause conflicts with his home life. 

Friend, choose self respect. Do it now. Procrastinating is lying to yourself. There's no "right" moment".

NC letter, block him from you comunication devices, get rid of mementoies, ifts, poictures, whetever.
And morn this by leaning on supportive friends.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Asking you to keep it quiet was the first clue.

Your promise was based on a different set of circumstances than the circumstances you are actually dealing with.

Walk away.


----------



## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

You are co-dependent... leave the relationship and get some counseling.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

How old are you?


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

He's a real winner and clearly he values you so much that he's happy to share you with other men, which is fair since he will be sleeping and having sex with his wife most of the time, you'll need someone to keep you company.


----------



## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

m.s.m said:


> There is an older man to which I have been seen for a year now. He is caring, passionate, and thoughtful (among other things). Everything to which I am looking for in a husband.
> 
> When we first meet, we took it slow and eventually we talked about our past. He has two children, one son and one daughter, including his mother and several siblings to which are living within the city and its surrounding area. The remainder of his family lives overseas.
> 
> ...


You may be in terrible danger.....

Go to someone like a counselor, or even a police officer, and see if he dosn't agree with my thoughts on your situation


I am sorry, but you have been PLAYED...

This is the same ploy my brother in law used to pick up young women and lead them into a life of prostitution...My sister in law was one of the lucky? ones he married her...He had 3 wives and 3 separate families....

Imagine being in a foreign country, he could dump you into the hands of his brothel operators, and you will be swallowed up and forgotten.......

Happy ending....Dump him, tell him you will have him arrested if he tries to contact you....

Find the good, honest single man you deserve, and have a happy life without this married unspeakable creature....

I don't know if I have violated any TAM rules, but this situation is too scary to sugercoat the awful possibilities...

Good luck
the woodchuck


----------



## ffemt53 (Mar 19, 2013)

I agree with woodchuck. Your whole story sounds extremely fishy. I would advise you get away from this man now. I wouldn't even contact his wife. 

People from different countries have different values. The middle east comes to mind. Look how the females are treated. That is there values and they see nothing wrong with it. 

You leave and go to another country you are going to be playing by their rules, not yours.


----------



## m.s.m (Mar 24, 2013)

brokenhearted118: We have already slepted together. Per my center is a bit off of late, I've been waiting to confirm as to whether I'm pregnant with his child.


----------



## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

I smell a troll.....


----------

