# Divorced or not?



## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

After you have gone through a divorce, regardless of who filed...

When moving on in life, would you prefer your next relationship/marriage to be with someone who has already been married and divorced or someone who has never been married?


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Honestly, I would prefer a person who has already gone through a divorce. In my opinion, I think a high percentage of those who have gone through a divorce will try harder to make things work in their next marriage. They would have a better idea of what it takes to work. (this doesn't include those who has no business marrying anyone and those stubborn folks)

OMI, it's a little embarrassing to go through a divorce twice.

I also believe there's a certain number of folks who would find it easier to just give up and divorce again once they've done it before.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I would not care. No matter what, a person has had life experiences that shape him/her. I think there would be struggles in marriage to either type of person--the hard work of marriage--and it would come out pretty evenly, with neither being worse.

A divorced person: has failed once at marriage, and may have corrected the mistakes that lead to that failure. But, will also have expectations of what marriage "should" or "should not" be like, and those preconceived notions could be hard to handle. He would still have to learn how to be married to *me.*

A never-married person: maybe lived with others, may be not. Would still have to learn how to live with *me.*


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

sisters359 said:


> A divorced person: has failed once at marriage, and may have corrected the mistakes that lead to that failure. But, will also have expectations of what marriage "should" or "should not" be like, and those preconceived notions could be hard to handle. He would still have to learn how to be married to *me.*


:iagree:
Good point. I totally agree. Two different opposing ideas on marriage can truly come to a clash and cause all kind of difficulties. 
Well said....


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

the heart wants what the heart wants

seriously though I don't think it would matter to me.my SO has never been married and has only had 1 serious relationship.It does get tedious at times bc sometimes i feel like I'm teaching him how to be in a mature,healthy relationship but for the most part it doesn't matter.


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## DaKarmaTrain! (May 17, 2012)

Doesn't matter to me...

I'm always on the hunt for a future ex-MrsKarmaTrain


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## hunter411 (Jun 4, 2012)

Me and the ex were both married before. We both had terrible 1st marriages. There was a lot of arguing, constant accusations and drama in mine. Hers was similar but ended when her H cheated on her. We meet and get married, we both HATED to argue. We were always very respectful towards each other. The end result? She had an EA/PA, so it doesnt always guarantee people will use and apply the experiences they learned in previous marriages. IMO... Its a freakin crap shoot!!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Doesn't matter if its the right person.

Was close to choosing "Divorced Person", just because I'm assuming that most people my age have already done this once before. When I start dating it will be in my own age bracket.

Of course, also very tempting to choose "done with marriage forever." Maybe the wounds are still too fresh. I truly hope to have another (one more) serious, long term committed relationship in my life. But really not sure that marriage will be so important next time.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

With a divorced person, I would be worried about what their "baggage" was. For example, my wife would tell you on the first date I'm an ******* and controlling. So at first appearance many people who get divorced, appear to be "in the right".

I would be worried that the girl who was divorced had major issues and just couldn't handle it. That's the stigma I have of divorced people.

I would only be interested in marrying someone who was in a situation similar to mine, where the person literally turned out to be crazy and went off the deep end.

But then as I think about it, a person that would not notice the red flags and all that has baggage too (like I do).

So to answer the question, I'd probably prefer someone who was never married.

But I'm also a judgemental a$$hole apparently. I'm sure my opinion will change after I meet some hot, vibrant, divorced women.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

COguy said:


> With a divorced person, I would be worried about what their "baggage" was. For example, my wife would tell you on the first date I'm an ******* and controlling. So at first appearance many people who get divorced, appear to be "in the right".
> 
> I would be worried that the girl who was divorced had major issues and just couldn't handle it. That's the stigma I have of divorced people.
> 
> ...


Or you'll marry some hot young 22 year old!!!


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Or you'll marry some hot young 22 year old!!!


My ideal wife would be someone who wants a family and to be a stay at home mom, but doesn't want to have a child of her own (I dont want to have more kids), has never been married, is still a virgin and prudish, but is just waiting for the right husband to come along so she can release her inner wh*re on him.

I think I had a shot when I was in my early 20's, but definitely not looking so good anymore LOL.

I might have to settle for a chick who isn't a virgin, or maybe start trolling the convents....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Of course, also very tempting to choose "done with marriage forever." Maybe the wounds are still too fresh. I truly hope to have another (one more) serious, long term committed relationship in my life. But really not sure that marriage will be so important next time.


You spoke straight from my brain.

I did choose "Done with marriage" but I wouldn't mine another long term serious relationship. Just w/o the legal implication.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

My preferences would be based on personality and I won't judge a person's personality based on their marital history. However I suspect I'd have more compatibility with a divorced woman than a never married one, there are certain things you learn through marriage and I can approach people easier when there are mutual understadings.

For instance, my ex's father was a widower who remarried a woman that had never been married and never had children, who was menopausal and unable to bear a child and confident that she didn't want to have children - which was a relief to my ex and her brother. The woman's tune changed after the wedding though, when it dawned on them to adopt, and it created a lot of family conflict. This kind of situation wouldn't have arisen of she had been married earlier and had children of her own, or atleast had made the opportunity to when she was younger.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lon said:


> My preferences would be based on personality and I won't judge a person's personality based on their marital history. However I suspect I'd have more compatibility with a divorced woman than a never married one, there are certain things you learn through marriage and I can approach people easier when there are mutual understadings.


:iagree:


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

hunter411 said:


> Me and the ex were both married before. We both had terrible 1st marriages. There was a lot of arguing, constant accusations and drama in mine. Hers was similar but ended when her H cheated on her. We meet and get married, we both HATED to argue. We were always very respectful towards each other. The end result? She had an EA/PA, so it doesnt always guarantee people will use and apply the experiences they learned in previous marriages. IMO... Its a freakin crap shoot!!


Sorry to hear that. Guess she didnt give a crap about marriage.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I chose "divorced person" but I think it depends on the person and how much they've learned from their experience. They need to be on the same wavelength as me, KWIM? If they walked away from their marriage, or if they were the one left but place all the blame on their ex, then what did they learn? I need to see that they learned from the experience and are a better person for it.


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