# hello all



## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

*HD Wife, seemingly LD Husband*

I am in the Considering Divorce/Separation thread and I am here to maybe try to resolve one of our problems we have been having.


Let me start by saying we both have healthy sex drives. I initiate 4 times a week. I am a very passionate person, I dress up for him, Im very adventurous, once even had him pull over to the side of the road in the middle of the night to make love.

However...it seems like he is very selfish in bed and hates giving me oral or anything that focuses on just me, if you know what i mean.

He expects me to give him oral and to be on top(not that I mind, although being on top does hurt my bad hip sometimes) but he doesn't seem to really care about pleasing me.


And lately he has been rejecting me...I think to punish me because we have been arguing. I am starting to feel really hurt and to lose the urge to have sex with him. I have been rejected 12 times in the past week and a half. So I have just stopped asking.

I even sent him a sexy pic of me in lingerie to him and told him that I was "waiting for him". He told me he was going to go out with his friends instead. And I am 5'2, 120 pounds average when it comes to being fit and I feel like I am very attractive...and I am trying so hard to make up with him.

So I really don't know how to approach this...Just really hurt, any advice in appreciated. Thanks.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's time to have a very serious talk with him. Either he works with you to fix this or it's time for divorce.

He needs to know that you are serious enough about your relationship.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening spunkyspunky
That one phrase really is the key. If you love someone you should enjoy pleasing them. I love doing nice things for my wife, not as a chore, not in the hope of getting something in return, but because it makes me happy when she enjoys herself. (this is after >25 years of marriage)

If you aren't with someone who feels this way, its worth taking a long close look at your relationship




SpunkySpunky said:


> snip
> ...he doesn't seem to really care about pleasing me....


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Damn, Spunky! What I, or any other red-blooded American male wouldn't give to have a wife in our midst that was as sexually proactive as you are! You are to be enthusiastically commended for trying to be that type of gal, more especially for his benefit and because you obviously love him!

I'd say that you are long overdue for a "Come-to-Jesus" Meeting with him; and if he can't comply with rendering unto you his husbandly duty, then it's time to end this charade of a marriage, and allow you to seek and find the man who will absolutely love you for the woman that you truly are!

Good luck, my dear!*


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

SpunkySpunky said:


> I am in the Considering Divorce/Separation thread and I am here to maybe try to resolve one of our problems we have been having.
> 
> 
> Let me start by saying we both have healthy sex drives. I initiate 4 times a week. I am a very passionate person, I dress up for him, Im very adventurous, once even had him pull over to the side of the road in the middle of the night to make love.
> ...


hmm some people just don't get it until its gone! that's their nature slowly take it for granted until it gone and then act like what did I do ??????.............nothing that's the problem.


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *Damn, Spunky! What I, or any other red-blooded American male wouldn't give to have a wife in our midst that was as sexually proactive as you are! You are to be enthusiastically commended for trying to be that type of gal, more especially for his benefit and because you obviously love him!
> 
> I'd say that you are long overdue for a "Come-to-Jesus" Meeting with him; and if he can't comply with rendering unto you his husbandly duty, then it's time to end this charade of a marriage, and allow you to seek and find the man who will absolutely love you for the woman that you truly are!
> 
> Good luck, my dear!*


:iagree:

THIS - four times over....


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Thanks for the comments all! So still no nooky, even dreamed the house from top to bottom and dressed up in a French maid costume .waited for him to get home from work and...he decided to go help a friend out with something and stayed the night. Apologized but promised to spend the day with me. Well, he said he had a headache and is sleeping the day away. I planned a weekend getaway in savannah georgia at a little bed and breakfast. With wine and roses and a carriage ride..You know, something new and romantic for us and I told him and he said it sounded stupid. I dunno guys. I think I am beating a dead horse. Wish I had a guy who would pan stuff out for me like that. Haha


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

SpunkySpunky said:


> Thanks for the comments all! So still no nooky, even dreamed the house from top to bottom and dressed up in a French maid costume .waited for him to get home from work and...he decided to go help a friend out with something and stayed the night. Apologized but promised to spend the day with me. Well, he said he had a headache and is sleeping the day away. I planned a weekend getaway in savannah georgia at a little bed and breakfast. With wine and roses and a carriage ride..You know, something new and romantic for us and I told him and he said it sounded stupid. I dunno guys. I think I am beating a dead horse. Wish I had a guy who would pan stuff out for me like that. Haha


Concur, something has to change, he needs a wake up call. What are you going to do, the power is in your hands...


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

If a man is resisting what you're throwing out there, something is definitely wrong. A French Maid outfit???!!!


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Yeah, I think maybe he is bored with me or something... He used to be romantic when we were dating amd when we first got married but nowadays well lets just say I have to buy myself flowers and be the one to plan romantic evenings...haha. I don't know what to do...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

LuvIsTuff said:


> If a man is resisting what you're throwing out there, something is definitely wrong. A French Maid outfit???!!!


I KNOW! I curled my hair and put in false eyelashes and everything. Sigh. Such a waste of my sexy bombshell red lipstick lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It sounds like he is avoiding sex with you.

Does he have a lower drive? 

That sucks he won't go down on you. Has he ever???

Is he depressed? Has this always been an issue or is it something new?

How long together?


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

SpunkySpunky said:


> I KNOW! I curled my hair and put in false eyelashes and everything. Sigh. Such a waste of my sexy bombshell red lipstick lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need to get in touch with my wife, and just throw stuff like that out in random conversation. LOL!!


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> It sounds like he is avoiding sex with you.
> 
> Does he have a lower drive?
> 
> ...


He has...he just doesn't like taking the time. he has a usually high drive and He says he's not depressed..we've been together 7 years...this situation is fairly new although he hasn't been very romantic to me for the past 5 years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

I guess I'm just going to give our romantic weekend away to my parents...they would appreciate it and enjoy the roses and carriage ride...its their 25 year anniversary this year...it hurts though that my own husband thinks my romantic gestures are stupid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

SpunkySpunky said:


> I guess I'm just going to give our romantic weekend away to my parents...they would appreciate it and enjoy the roses and carriage ride...its their 25 year anniversary this year...it hurts though that my own husband thinks my romantic gestures are stupid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ouch! Someone who cares as much as you and tries as hard as you deserves much better. If this doesn't work out, there are guys out there that would kill to have you. Be picky. LOL


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

SpunkySpunky said:


> I guess I'm just going to give our romantic weekend away to my parents...they would appreciate it and enjoy the roses and carriage ride...its their 25 year anniversary this year...it hurts though that my own husband thinks my romantic gestures are stupid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If it's any concillation, I can't tell you the number of times I've made plans only to cancel them because my wife wasn't interested. Concert tickets given away, canceled hotel arrangements, babysitters, etc.

I still plan stuff from time to time, but don't really go all out any more. I know that greater than 50% of the time there will be some reason why we can't do whatever I planned.


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Anon1111 said:


> If it's any concillation, I can't tell you the number of times I've made plans only to cancel them because my wife wasn't interested. Concert tickets given away, canceled hotel arrangements, babysitters, etc.
> 
> I still plan stuff from time to time, but don't really go all out any more. I know that greater than 50% of the time there will be some reason why we can't do whatever I planned.


I am so sorry...that is just really sad and makes me tear up alittle. I would die if my husband planned anything for me.


I just got done hearing him tell me that the fried eggs I just made him were sloppy and slimy. And he just went back to bed after being up for just an hour. He says his back hurts. No sexy time tonight either.  but the eggs comment kind of has me pissed off anyway haha


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening SpunkySpunky
Please walk up to him and smack him upside the head. Tell him it from a poster here for his not realizing what a fantastic wife he has. Tell him that there are guys who would sell their souls to be with someone like you.

If I came home from work and my wife was wearing a French maid costume and wanted sex - nothing short of the Apocalypse would stop me from taking her up on the offer. 




SpunkySpunky said:


> Thanks for the comments all! So still no nooky, even dreamed the house from top to bottom and dressed up in a French maid costume .waited for him to get home from work and...he decided to go help a friend out with something and stayed the night. Apologized but promised to spend the day with me. Well, he said he had a headache and is sleeping the day away. I planned a weekend getaway in savannah georgia at a little bed and breakfast. With wine and roses and a carriage ride..You know, something new and romantic for us and I told him and he said it sounded stupid. I dunno guys. I think I am beating a dead horse. Wish I had a guy who would pan stuff out for me like that. Haha


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

SpunkySpunky said:


> Thanks for the comments all! So still no nooky, even dreamed the house from top to bottom and dressed up in a French maid costume .waited for him to get home from work and...he decided to go help a friend out with something and stayed the night. Apologized but promised to spend the day with me. Well, he said he had a headache and is sleeping the day away. *I planned a weekend getaway in savannah georgia at a little bed and breakfast. With wine and roses and a carriage ride..*You know, something new and romantic for us and I told him and he said it sounded stupid. I dunno guys. I think I am beating a dead horse. Wish I had a guy who would pan stuff out for me like that. Haha


:wtf:

I don't even know why I quoted this - I just don't know what to say!

About 99.9999997% of ALL the men on the planet would...well...respond!!

BTW - Savannah is perfect for a romantic getaway. River Street is awesome!


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening SpunkySpunky
> Please walk up to him and smack him upside the head. Tell him it from a poster here for his not realizing what a fantastic wife he has. *Tell him that there are guys who would sell their souls to be with someone like you.*If I came home from work and my wife was wearing a French maid costume and wanted sex - nothing short of the Apocalypse would stop me from taking her up on the offer.


YES

Like....ALL of us!!


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Ouch! Someone who cares as much as you and tries as hard as you deserves much better. If this doesn't work out, *there are guys out there that would kill to have you. Be picky.* LOL


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

You deserve MUCH more!!


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## jolyajones (Feb 25, 2015)

helllo to all i am new to this forums.its a nice and informative blog


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Still nothing.

He went out with his friend again and it's late, he's been gone all day and hes not picking up his phone.

Sigh.

I guess none for me tonight either.


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

SpunkySpunky said:


> Still nothing.
> 
> He went out with his friend again and it's late, he's been gone all day and hes not picking up his phone.
> 
> ...


Wow! IMO, H needs a shrink....


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening spunkyspunky
why is it that the most wonderful and passionate women end up with men who don't appreciate them? 



SpunkySpunky said:


> Still nothing.
> 
> He went out with his friend again and it's late, he's been gone all day and hes not picking up his phone.
> 
> ...


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

SpunkySpunky said:


> Still nothing.
> 
> He went out with his friend again and it's late, he's been gone all day and hes not picking up his phone.
> 
> ...


In my opinion, lack of a sexual connection is not the main problem. Based on the few examples you have given, your husband really seems to either be a jerk or extremely upset with you.


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

Steve1000 said:


> In my opinion, lack of a sexual connection is not the main problem. Based on the few examples you have given, your *husband really seems to either be a jerk* or extremely upset with you.


Yep....


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## Joe75 (Oct 12, 2013)

Hi SpunkySpunky

From left field, is it possible that he is/had been seeing another woman. And further, perhaps he is under treatment for a STD. Your husband’s behaviour pattern is very similar to what a colleague of mine exhibited when he contacted a STD from a one night stand. His medical treatment included no sex activity for several weeks. The thing was he was married. In order to avoid sex, he rejected all his wife’s advances, picked fights with her in order to keep her ‘out of the mood’ and sought out excuses to not be home. Once he was cured, he apologized to his wife for his ‘inexplicable’ poor behaviour and did several romantic make-up gestures.

I do not wish to unnecessarily alarm you and I hope I am wrong. But your husband’s recent behaviour had a sense of déjà vu which quickly brought the memory of my colleague’s misconduct to mind. Prior to the rejections, has your husband changed such as losing weight, getting fit, dressing better, being secretive with electronic devices and/or had unaccountable absences? What does your gut/intuition say? 

Joe75


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Steve1000 said:


> In my opinion, lack of a sexual connection is not the main problem. Based on the few examples you have given, your husband really seems to either be a jerk or extremely upset with you.


He gets upset with me if he's tired or has a bad day at work...he also blames me for his school loans and wishes we would've waited to get married. He thinks because he had to take care of his family is the reason why he has no money. So we are just burdens. So yeah he's upset with me but he is a jerk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Joe75 said:


> Hi SpunkySpunky
> 
> From left field, is it possible that he is/had been seeing another woman. And further, perhaps he is under treatment for a STD. Your husband’s behaviour pattern is very similar to what a colleague of mine exhibited when he contacted a STD from a one night stand. His medical treatment included no sex activity for several weeks. The thing was he was married. In order to avoid sex, he rejected all his wife’s advances, picked fights with her in order to keep her ‘out of the mood’ and sought out excuses to not be home. Once he was cured, he apologized to his wife for his ‘inexplicable’ poor behaviour and did several romantic make-up gestures.
> 
> ...


Eh I really hope this isn't the case...but I haven't noticed anything different about him other than the lack of intimacy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Tried to wake him with a bj...no dice, told me to leave him alone. Blahh. I give up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FatherofTwo (Dec 6, 2014)

I'm very sorry to hear that you're here with the issues you just described. It's amaaazing to think and wonder how many men here on TAM would go to church tomorrow to thank our God if their wives would ever try to wake them up with a BJ  ???

Sounds as if he simply is taking you for granted and doesn't see anything you're doing is worthwhile ?? You better sit him down and tell him he needs to stop NOW. Sad story but it's happen a million times before in the history of mankind where the wife finally gives up and leaves him , he suddenly opens his eyes and only then sees what he has but more times than not it'll be too late. 

Feel free to print this and show him before it's too late for him. He can thank me sometime in the future. Good luck !


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

thanks Fatheroftwo . I seriously think he is just bored of me and is taking me for granted. It's almost like even after 8 years of being together that I am still in the honeymoon phase and he is just over it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FatherofTwo (Dec 6, 2014)

SpunkySpunky said:


> thanks Fatheroftwo . I seriously think he is just bored of me and is taking me for granted. It's almost like even after 8 years of being together that I am still in the honeymoon phase and he is just over it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


8 years is still honeymoon years IMHO ......... 30 or 40 now that's something else !?!? 

Don't know how a guy can be bored after just 8 years and my Lord you tried to wake him up that way and he said leave him alone ??? I'm sorry to say but it doesnt seem as if this is gonna end in a good way ???


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

yeah no you're right. It probably isn't going to end good. I'm like a lion stalking a gazelle LOL. I feel like I am borderline harassing him and I just feel like hey, should t I be the one beating you off with a stick? I am going to have a talk with him. I booked a hotel room for this weekend while he is off work and I created a sexy little scavenger hunt for him to find me. I am going to have his favorite meal waiting on him. And I will be naked, well, in see through lingerie. I also made these cute little sex coupons he can redeem. And if that doesn't get his attention I think it is time that I might just need to move on. Worst case scenario, I end up alone in a hotel room.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FatherofTwo (Dec 6, 2014)

SpunkySpunky said:


> yeah no you're right. It probably isn't going to end good. I'm like a lion stalking a gazelle LOL. I feel like I am borderline harassing him and I just feel like hey, should t I be the one beating you off with a stick? I am going to have a talk with him. I booked a hotel room for this weekend while he is off work and I created a sexy little scavenger hunt for him to find me. I am going to have his favorite meal waiting on him. And I will be naked, well, in see through lingerie. I also made these cute little sex coupons he can redeem. And if that doesn't get his attention I think it is time that I might just need to move on. Worst case scenario, I end up alone in a hotel room.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hotel Room , Favorite Meal and See Thru Lingerie ??? 

I am really , really praying he passes up on his favorite meal and devours you instead .......... however I have to be honest with you with your description of his attitude and ungratefulness I have a strong feeling he'll be complaining about how you spent the $$$ and that they weren't showing the game on TV ???

Please , please tell me/us afterwards how wrong I am !!! 

If not then enjoy the good night's sleep and like you said move on ................ find that man who'll appreciate and kiss the ground you walk on. There's a lot of men who would but you gotta allow them to find you !


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Some people just dont know what they have.

and then if they ever realize, its too late


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

SpunkySpunky said:


> yeah no you're right. It probably isn't going to end good. I'm like a lion stalking a gazelle LOL. I feel like I am borderline harassing him and I just feel like hey, should t I be the one beating you off with a stick? I am going to have a talk with him. I booked a hotel room for this weekend while he is off work and I created a sexy little scavenger hunt for him to find me. I am going to have his favorite meal waiting on him. And I will be naked, well, in see through lingerie. I also made these cute little sex coupons he can redeem. And if that doesn't get his attention I think it is time that I might just need to move on. Worst case scenario, I end up alone in a hotel room.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why are you doing this?

This man who rejects you, is a selfish lover, resents you for having to take care of his family...

The question is not what's wrong with him and how do I fix this. The question is what's wrong with me that I WANT to fix this?

Girl, find your vagina and send this man packing!


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## Cleaver Brooks (Jan 19, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> Some people just dont know what they have.
> 
> and then if they ever realize, its too late



:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

SpunkySpunky said:


> Tried to wake him with a bj...no dice, told me to leave him alone. Blahh. I give up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did you call the Coroner for an opinion on his status???


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Why are you doing this?
> 
> *This man who rejects you, is a selfish lover*, resents you for having to take care of his family...
> 
> ...


Not to mention an idiot....


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

SpunkySpunky said:


> yeah no you're right. It probably isn't going to end good. I'm like a lion stalking a gazelle LOL. I feel like I am borderline harassing him and I just feel like hey, should t I be the one beating you off with a stick? I am going to have a talk with him. I booked a hotel room for this weekend while he is off work and I created a sexy little scavenger hunt for him to find me. I am going to have his favorite meal waiting on him. And I will be naked, well, in see through lingerie. I also made these cute little sex coupons he can redeem. And if that doesn't get his attention I think it is time that I might just need to move on. Worst case scenario, I end up alone in a hotel room.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Update????


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

FatherofTwo said:


> Hotel Room , Favorite Meal and See Thru Lingerie ???
> 
> I am really , really praying he passes up on his favorite meal and devours you instead .......... however I have to be honest with you with your description of his attitude and ungratefulness I have a strong feeling he'll be complaining about how you spent the $$$ and that they weren't showing the game on TV ???
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

SpunkySpunky said:


> yeah no you're right. It probably isn't going to end good. I'm like a lion stalking a gazelle LOL. I feel like I am borderline harassing him and I just feel like hey, should t I be the one beating you off with a stick? I am going to have a talk with him. I booked a hotel room for this weekend while he is off work and I created a sexy little scavenger hunt for him to find me. I am going to have his favorite meal waiting on him. And I will be naked, well, in see through lingerie. I also made these cute little sex coupons he can redeem. And if that doesn't get his attention I think it is time that I might just need to move on. Worst case scenario, I end up alone in a hotel room.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A friend of my wife called one day.

She was in tears.

She described two situations to me:
1) She offered her BF to stay in bed all day and she would just blow him and swallow until he was bone dry

2) she shaved herself down bald, bought a naughty school girl outfit and attempted to get him to just "take" her


Both occasions, he rejected her.

Turns out, he was cheating on her.

Something that blew my mind because she was hot and she was an extremely open sexual woman. I never could figure out why he would cheat on her.

your husband:
1) Has some serious anger issues that need to be addressed

2) Is potentially cheating

I can't see any guy turning down what you are doing without some seriously good reason (like death and that's about all I can think of)


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening spunkyspunky
It drives me nuts to see the HD partners in relationships willing to do absolutely anything - and being ignored by their LD partners.

I think it rarely gets better. Find someone who appreciates you. (As I sit here in a hotel room in a fantastic romantic location - and my wife is reading a book after turning me down continuously for the last couple of weeks, I'm starting to get rather frustrated). 

Long ago I hinted that being woken with a BJ would be a big fantasy-fulfillment for me. Hasn't happened in 30 years....




SpunkySpunky said:


> Tried to wake him with a bj...no dice, told me to leave him alone. Blahh. I give up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening spunkyspunky
> It drives me nuts to see the HD partners in relationships willing to do absolutely anything - and being ignored by their LD partners.
> 
> I think it rarely gets better. Find someone who appreciates you. (As I sit here in a hotel room in a fantastic romantic location - and my wife is reading a book after turning me down continuously for the last couple of weeks, I'm starting to get rather frustrated).
> ...


Nothing :\
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

SpunkySpunky said:


> yeah no you're right. It probably isn't going to end good. I'm like a lion stalking a gazelle LOL. I feel like I am borderline harassing him and I just feel like hey, should t I be the one beating you off with a stick? I am going to have a talk with him. I booked a hotel room for this weekend while he is off work and I created a sexy little scavenger hunt for him to find me. I am going to have his favorite meal waiting on him. And I will be naked, well, in see through lingerie. I also made these cute little sex coupons he can redeem. And if that doesn't get his attention I think it is time that I might just need to move on. Worst case scenario, I end up alone in a hotel room.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't get this. The guy is treating you like crap. And you keep bringing it and bring it and bringing it. Why? What does this really teach him? Sure, walk all over me. I will still be hear drowning you in affection. How is that supposed to work?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yeah girl stop with the lingerie and sexy scavenger hunts. They are ineffective and just make you feel rejected. 

He's not into it at this time for some reason...you're going to have to stop trying and start talking to him until you get to the bottom of it.

If he's just not into you at all anymore or isn't in love with you anymore, then he's not going to want to have sex with you. You need to find out what the real issue is.

Stop putting your fine azz on display for someone who doesn't appreciate it. You will hate yourself for this later.


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

so I think I know what the problem is. He's stressed out at work and he's afraid of me getting pregnant...I am on birth control but he thinks ill be forgetful and forget to take it one day and wind up with another baby...I guess this stems from me wanting another baby and him not wanting another baby. I told him I respected that he wasn't ready and that I will be taking my birth control religiously. He says it's not enough. This kind of hurts my feelings but oh well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening spunkyspunky
If that is the issue then do things that can't get you pregnant.



SpunkySpunky said:


> so I think I know what the problem is. He's stressed out at work and he's afraid of me getting pregnant...I am on birth control but he thinks ill be forgetful and forget to take it one day and wind up with another baby...I guess this stems from me wanting another baby and him not wanting another baby. I told him I respected that he wasn't ready and that I will be taking my birth control religiously. He says it's not enough. This kind of hurts my feelings but oh well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

SpunkySpunky said:


> so I think I know what the problem is. He's stressed out at work and he's afraid of me getting pregnant...I am on birth control but he thinks ill be forgetful and forget to take it one day and wind up with another baby...I guess this stems from me wanting another baby and him not wanting another baby. I told him I respected that he wasn't ready and that I will be taking my birth control religiously. He says it's not enough. This kind of hurts my feelings but oh well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Close your eyes...

But before you do I want you to picture a sexy 50 year old wise woman standing before you with loving affection on her face. She tells you to close your eyes and you do. 

Then she slaps you!!

Girl, don't make me jump through this computer!l

Your man is making excuses and making a fool of you and what's worse, you're letting him!

Honey, darling, bubbalah, even if you told him you had your tubes tied he would still come up with other excuses.

Stop begging for sex. Start making plans with friends. Go do fun stuff. Take a class and learn to do Zentangle and mediate. Find your center and embrace your worth. Do you have any idea how many men would give their eye teeth to have a woman as sexually open and loving as you are? Your zest and passion will wither and die with this man and that would be a great loss to humanity! Don't let that happen.

Get thee to therapy so you can discover how to build your self confidence enough to realize your love is wasted on this man. Like pouring water onto cement and expecting a flower to grow. It will not happen.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

SpunkySpunky said:


> so I think I know what the problem is. He's stressed out at work and he's afraid of me getting pregnant...I am on birth control but he thinks ill be forgetful and forget to take it one day and wind up with another baby...I guess this stems from me wanting another baby and him not wanting another baby. I told him I respected that he wasn't ready and that I will be taking my birth control religiously. He says it's not enough. This kind of hurts my feelings but oh well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That doesn't explain why he refused your BJ wake up call last week. Does he know how babies are made?


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> Do you have any idea how many men would give their eye teeth to have a woman as sexually open and loving as you are?


The eye teeth would be just the beginning of what I'd give up. Pick a nut, left or right. :rofl:


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Get this, his brother planned a bon fire/party tonight and my mom wanted the baby so we were actually going to have a night to ourselves. I'm thinking go to party have sexy time after. Well he told me he I could go but the dishes weren't done and he said he would rather me stay home and clean the rest of the house...but that if I wanted to I could go with him...why would I want to go after him saying that? I made food and everything so I just sent the food and dessert with him and told him to have a good time. So I am alone again, and no sexy time tonight either and to be honest I don't even want to anymore. My heart breaketh again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Obviously this has nothing to do with stress or having babies. You deserve so much better.


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

maybe there is something wrong with me. Obviously I am doing something wrong or maybe 130 pounds is too fat or something. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

SpunkySpunky said:


> Get this, his brother planned a bon fire/party tonight and my mom wanted the baby so we were actually going to have a night to ourselves. I'm thinking go to party have sexy time after. Well he told me he I could go but the dishes weren't done and he said he would rather me stay home and clean the rest of the house...but that if I wanted to I could go with him...why would I want to go after him saying that? I made food and everything so I just sent the food and dessert with him and told him to have a good time. So I am alone again, and no sexy time tonight either and to be honest I don't even want to anymore. My heart breaketh again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



So you're here for the martyr recognition?


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> So you're here for the martyr recognition?


No but you're right. Sorry. Jesus no wonder he doesn't want me. Holy crap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

SpunkySpunky said:


> Anon Pink said:
> 
> 
> > So you're here for the martyr recognition?
> ...


B.S. This is on him.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

LuvIsTuff said:


> B.S. This is on him.


His behavior is on him, but her behavior is on her. She allows it so it continues. She doesn't put a stop to it, so it continues.

My grandmother used to say, everyone lives in the hell of their own making. OP is absolutely proving that point.


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

We had a huge fight just now and apparently I don't try at all. don't live up to his expectations so here I am sleeping on the couch. I guess I've gotten to the root of the problem. The house isn't clean enough for him, and Im 
just not up to his standard. I'm ashamed and don't really know what to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

SpunkySpunky said:


> We had a huge fight just now and apparently I don't try at all. don't live up to his expectations so here I am sleeping on the couch. I guess I've gotten to the root of the problem. The house isn't clean enough for him, and Im
> just not up to his standard. I'm ashamed and don't really know what to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There comes a time when you can't do anything more.

I think I speak for most men here in saying that you CAN do better.

TAM is about helping to heal marriages - absolutely true, but when one has given everything and the other doesn't reciprocate, then perhaps it's a wrap.

There are SO many men who would give anything to have a spouse like you!! You MIGHT just want to consider finding one of them......


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

SpunkySpunky said:


> so I think I know what the problem is. *He's stressed out at work and he's afraid of me getting pregnant.*..I am on birth control but he thinks ill be forgetful and forget to take it one day and wind up with another baby...I guess this stems from me wanting another baby and him not wanting another baby. I told him I respected that he wasn't ready and that I will be taking my birth control religiously. He says it's not enough. This kind of hurts my feelings but oh well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bullsh!t....

Being stressed out at work is real - I know, but that stress never EVER needs to come between you two in that way.

Stress isn't a reason - it's an excuse!


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

anon pink said:


> close your eyes...
> 
> But before you do i want you to picture a sexy 50 year old wise woman standing before you with loving affection on her face. She tells you to close your eyes and you do.
> 
> ...


^^^this!!!!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

A man was a sea on a big boat, at night, during a turbulent storm. He fell overboard. He yelled and screamed for help.

By shear luck, a crew member happened to see him fall over board. In the black of night during a storm it would take a lot of luck to find a man amidst the crashing waves.

The crew member sounded the alarm and tossed out the life ring attached to a line so they could pull him back in. But it didn't go far enough so her reeled it back in and tried again. Again and again he tried to reach the man as the man was slowly being pulled farther and farther from the boat.

Finally, the ring was tossed far enough and the man grabbed it. But then he let go! The crew member yelled "what are you doing? Grab the ring so I can pull you to safety!"

The man yelled back, "I don't want the yellow one. Hate yellow. Throw me the white one!"

Some people just don't want help.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening spunkyspunky
Whether or not the house is clean has nothing to do with it. Sex is something a loving couple does for each other, it is not a chore or favor one does for the other.

Look, I've lived with LD partner for almost 30 years. I've learned all the excuses. All the things that I could do differently but when I do, nothing changes.

LD people just do not want sex. Some don't really understand themselves. Others use sex as a weapon / bribe to get what they want. With rare exceptions though they do not change.

It is not you. Sadly the only way you can really convince yourself of that is to be with someone else. When you do, you will realize what you have been missing and will never look back. 

Cheat. Leave. Live like a Nun. I desperately wish there was another option out there, but there isn't. 




SpunkySpunky said:


> We had a huge fight just now and apparently I don't try at all. don't live up to his expectations so here I am sleeping on the couch. I guess I've gotten to the root of the problem. The house isn't clean enough for him, and Im
> just not up to his standard. I'm ashamed and don't really know what to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Thought I would creep on in here and update really quick.


The sexual drought ended...but it's just a light sprinkling here and there...when we do have sex there isn't really a connection from him.

I feel like I just disgust and or annoy him. It just hasn't been the same for the last few years. I've worn outfits, every position I can think of, I've really stepped up my game keeping the house immaculate and have been really striving to praise him and thank him for working for our family and everything he does...still not very much change.

But school is starting soon for me, and I have a lot on my plate this semester. Our daughter is starting soccer...her first sport, very exciting. 

So it is going to be busy for all of us.

I've just made my peace that this will just be the way it is unless I feel like I need to leave...which I don't know if I want to or not. I love him but don't I deserve to be loved the way I need to be loved?

and I will say yet again, I know I am not perfect but I do deserve more than I am getting now.





I guess I'll just keep on keepin' on.


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## ToothFairy (May 19, 2013)

I wasn't sure this was a real post because it sounds so pathetic. You stayed home from a bonfire because he said he wanted the house clean? Are you kidding me right now? Why do you think so little of yourself and see yourself as less important? your needs and desires are just as important. I cannot believe that today there are still women who think this way. Please get some counseling and don't stop until you finally see yourself as worthy of respect, love, and a voice. Good luck girl!


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Yeah I'll admit I am pathetic. And I do go to therapy on a biweekly basis. It's hard to have terrible self esteem issues like I do but I do try, there are days I feel like the goddess I am then there are days like that day that I don't feel worthy to even breathe the same air as everyone else.

But I am working on it.


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

I also want to take the time and that everyone for their honesty, opinions, encouragement and advice. I really do appreciate it all


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
you are NOT pathetic. You are doing your part in trying to make your marriage work, its just that he is not doing his.

Just keep in mind that nothing you do will make him more interested in sex. This is a mistake many HD people (including myself for a long time) make: they think that if only they do the right thing, their partners will love then and desire them. 

It just doesn't work. The LD partners do not want sex. From their point of view there is nothing wrong with the relationship. They are happy for all the favors you do, they think you are a wonderful sweet person, but they still do not, and never will have a sexual interest in you.

Still, I keep making the same mistake you do. I keep doing favors for my wife, then being surprised when she isn't interested in doing the thing that matters to me. 








SpunkySpunky said:


> Yeah I'll admit I am pathetic. And I do go to therapy on a biweekly basis. It's hard to have terrible self esteem issues like I do but I do try, there are days I feel like the goddess I am then there are days like that day that I don't feel worthy to even breathe the same air as everyone else.
> 
> But I am working on it.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You are trying too hard for a man who is not worth 1/10 of what you give. He is the one who should kiss your feet. He will never ever find any woman like you.

He'll see, once you leave his azz. Don't look back though. There are many men who would love to have such a devoted and loving woman in their lives. You'll see, once you leave his azz.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

So, I just caught this thread today, so forgive me for commenting so late. Let me see if I have this correct: Your man turns down french maid costumes, random and aggressive blow jobs, in order to go out with his "friend" or to clean the house? WHAT!?!?! Um, are you sure he is not in the process of moving to GAYTOWN with Bruce Jenner?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
There are a lot of men with very little interest in sex. 




Rushwater said:


> So, I just caught this thread today, so forgive me for commenting so late. Let me see if I have this correct: Your man turns down french maid costumes, random and aggressive blow jobs, in order to go out with his "friend" or to clean the house? WHAT!?!?! Um, are you sure he is not in the process of moving to GAYTOWN with Bruce Jenner?


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

SpunkySpunky said:


> Yeah I'll admit I am pathetic.


No you're not, at least not from what I've read...You're just hurting, in pain, and wanting what you had before, am I right? Nothing wrong with wanting that.

It's great that you're seeking therapy, but is he doing anything to help the relationship?


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

MountainRunner said:


> No you're not, at least not from what I've read*...You're just hurting, in pain, and wanting what you had before, am I right*? Nothing wrong with wanting that.
> 
> It's great that you're seeking therapy, but is he doing anything to help the relationship?


Yes, hit the nail right on the head.


and not really, all he has been doing lately is listen to me when I need to voice my feelings and supports my therapy. 

I wish he did more but maybe I am expecting too much from a person who just can't or refuses to give anymore than the bare minimum(I guess).


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Well I had a scary day. for some unknown reason I felt very dizzy and weak and I fainted on the floor. Well I don't know if I truly fainted because I could hear my husband for a brief time...just bits and pieces before I totally blacked out. He just asked me what was wrong and if he needed to pour cold water on me...and that was all I remember. I woke up on the couch and he was watching television an hour later. 

I finally forced my eyes open and asked what time it was and he told me...I told him I was going to go lay down and he simply said "okay"and I crawled into the bedroom...Ive been in bed ever since...silently crying on and off.

I don't feel loved or safe with him...I think it's time I talk to a lawyer.


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

I just got done pouring my heart out to him with no emotional response...He's just so detached. I got so angry and hurt that I told him he was worthless...worthless...why would I ever tell anybody that? I feel so ashamed.

I'm glad our daughter is with the grandparents tonight...I banished myself in her room now.

This isn't even about sex anymore...never really was...I just wanted an emotional connection back.


I may be at the end of my rope...but I deserve to hang myself with it.


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

First off, you need to know why you passed out. That could be a serious health issue. 
Second, I understand exactly where you're at. I had a hysterectomy and it took 5 days before my stbx asked me how I was feeling! Never mind if he could get me anything, help with anything, etc. I was so lonely during that time. Acquaintances at work showed me more concern sending flowers and casseroles.
You sound like you have big decisions to make. Obviously sex is a big part of feeling connected for you. Same here. Does he show you any other kinds of attention? Do you share any activities? You may have mentioned already but will he go for MC? 

Does he understand how close you are to leaving? Mine didn't until even months after I left. All he tells me now that it's too late is that I should have screamed it over and over until he paid attention.


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

SARAHMCD said:


> First off, you need to know why you passed out. That could be a serious health issue.
> Second, I understand exactly where you're at. I had a hysterectomy and it took 5 days before my stbx asked me how I was feeling! Never mind if he could get me anything, help with anything, etc. I was so lonely during that time. Acquaintances at work showed me more concern sending flowers and casseroles.
> You sound like you have big decisions to make. Obviously sex is a big part of feeling connected for you. Same here. Does he show you any other kinds of attention? Do you share any activities? You may have mentioned already but will he go for MC?
> 
> Does he understand how close you are to leaving? Mine didn't until even months after I left. All he tells me now that it's too late is that I should have screamed it over and over until he paid attention.


Its very rare that he shows me attention. Maybe trying to cuddle every now and then. Sex has been like a few times in the last 4 months.

We share common interests but its hard to enjoy time together when one or both of us are mad at each other. I don't know if he understands or not...he just tells me if it is what I want, he will leave, that he doesn't want to, but he will.

There really isn't a fight from him.

That's probably a big sign right there.



I feel awful right now though and youre right...big decisions ahead for me.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

SpunkySpunky said:


> I may be at the end of my rope...but I deserve to hang myself with it.


Please stop beating yourself up over this. This is not your fault. It seems to me that you are trying your best to evoke some kind of emotional response from him and he simply isn't...there.

Is it possible he may have low testosterone? Is he fit? Overweight? Fatigued? (forgive me if this has already been discussed and I missed it.)


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

MountainRunner said:


> Please stop beating yourself up over this. This is not your fault. It seems to me that you are trying your best to evoke some kind of emotional response from him and he simply isn't...there.
> 
> Is it possible he may have low testosterone? Is he fit? Overweight? Fatigued? (forgive me if this has already been discussed and I missed it.)


I think he is tired and he has always been a little overweight. 

I don't know about testosterone, he wont go to the doctor. Ive begged.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

SpunkySpunky said:


> I think he is tired and he has always been a little overweight.
> 
> I don't know about testosterone, he wont go to the doctor. Ive begged.


Sounds like you've exhausted your options here. As much as I hate to say it, your only options are to remain in a "loveless" marriage, or leave him for another man who appreciates you. Very sorry you're in the situation you are. All the best in whatever you decide.

You know...shoving divorce papers in front of him might just be the "wake up call" that he needs to get his act together...Just a thought, ya know?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Have you considered that he wants the marriage over but is too gutless to do it, instead is pushing you to do it?

My ex basically did that and when I finally had too much and told him it was time to divorce he was relieved.


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Holland said:


> Have you considered that he wants the marriage over but is too gutless to do it, instead is pushing you to do it?
> 
> 
> My ex basically did that and when I finally had too much and told him it was time to divorce he was relieved.


Ive thought that countless times...him chances upon chances to leave...and I told him it would be okay just to not drag me along anymore...that I would find peace with it someday...but he tells me no and that he loves me and isn't going.



I don't know.


I apologized to him for calling him worthless. I really didn't mean to be that brutal with him. He has low self esteem at time to and the last thing I want to do is make him feel like he is nothing, because he has the potential to be a wonderful man...I've seen it.



I went to the doctor yesterday, they think the reason I fainted is stress, dehydration, and... pregnancy. I have been on the pill for years...and I guess the one time we slept together this past couple months was enough.


I am extremely scared. Those of you who know my background on here know this is like DEFCON 1. 

I want to be happy but...yeah.

Oops.


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

So I've thought about it all day and realize that my first priority is my daughter and my health.

I'm just going to work on taking care of myself and whatever happens between me and my husband happens.

If he starts treating me better, good.

If he leaves well, that just shows I wasted another few years of my life on him...and I've been through a pregnancy alone because of him before, so I can do it again if I must. I hope it doesn't end up like that though.



I told him and he doesn't really believe it...he's acted better today but I think he is in denial. He says he needs proof before he believes me. (jerk.)




Again thanks all who has given me advice on here. Really appreciate it.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Best of luck to you Spunky.


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## Blaine (Jul 23, 2015)

Hi Spunky Sorry you're having this problem. I think you have discovered here that if you ever become single you wont have to work very hard to find a new man. I hate to ask but is it possible that the friend he's always helping is a guy? I mean to be turned down 12 times omg can i volunteer to take his slack? lol Good luck I wish you the best.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

This is quite awful. It is difficult to know what is going on but:

1. he has lost interest in you because of trouble in other areas of the marriage (men are also emotional beings)
2. you do all running (pursuer) in the marriage and he no longer feels like a "man' i.e. u are emasculating him as he never gets the chance to pursue
3. He is angry with you over something and is 'punishing' you cause he knows that this is important to you
4. He is using this to 'control' you
5. Have you done anything to make him suspect you have not been faithful?
6. He is or has cheated on you
7. he has an STD as a result and is waiting for the results

have you asked him flat out what is going on? See his reaction.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

SpunkySpunky said:


> Well I had a scary day. for some unknown reason I felt very dizzy and weak and I fainted on the floor. Well I don't know if I truly fainted because I could hear my husband for a brief time...just bits and pieces before I totally blacked out. He just asked me what was wrong and if he needed to pour cold water on me...and that was all I remember. I woke up on the couch and he was watching television an hour later.
> 
> I finally forced my eyes open and asked what time it was and he told me...I told him I was going to go lay down and he simply said "okay"and I crawled into the bedroom...Ive been in bed ever since...silently crying on and off.
> 
> I don't feel loved or safe with him...I think it's time I talk to a lawyer.


I just read this (missed it earlier). You H is a POS and heartless, for leaving you lying there till you came to, a caring husband would have rushed you to the doctors! Time to consider divorce.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I just saw this too. Are you OK? Has this ever happened before?





SpunkySpunky said:


> Well I had a scary day. for some unknown reason I felt very dizzy and weak and I fainted on the floor. Well I don't know if I truly fainted because I could hear my husband for a brief time...just bits and pieces before I totally blacked out. He just asked me what was wrong and if he needed to pour cold water on me...and that was all I remember. I woke up on the couch and he was watching television an hour later.
> 
> I finally forced my eyes open and asked what time it was and he told me...I told him I was going to go lay down and he simply said "okay"and I crawled into the bedroom...Ive been in bed ever since...silently crying on and off.
> 
> I don't feel loved or safe with him...I think it's time I talk to a lawyer.


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## Blaine (Jul 23, 2015)

I think we all missed it. Any news Spunky? Have u seen a Dr.


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

Sorry, update time.


Yes I saw a Doctor and it was due to stress, dehydration, and I found out I was pregnant. Unfortunately I have miscarried since then.

I am also separated now(my choice). I need some time to really think.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I'm very sorry about your miscarriage. All I can offer is my sympathy and best wishes. Separation was a good choice. 




SpunkySpunky said:


> Sorry, update time.
> 
> 
> Yes I saw a Doctor and it was due to stress, dehydration, and I found out I was pregnant. Unfortunately I have miscarried since then.
> ...


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