# Is this the end? Can I save my marriage?



## MarriedLovingSaved (8 mo ago)

Hi - my wife and I have had a long journey the past year - we have been together for 8 years, married 2.5 years and are 28 and 27. We have been having issues for a little over a year and things just now exploded in the past 6 months. I got caught back in September sexting online with people and it devastated my wife. Before, that we had no issues but we were growing distant from one another. We tried to fix our marriage after September and we were up and down every other month. Finally in January my wife asked for space and wanted me to move out to my parents. I work from home so I was allowed in our house to work however, that was it. I did not listen to her as much as I was in desperation mode of trying to save our marriage and often hung around the house waiting for her to get home, which was wrong of me. Eventually I was able to come home after my grandfather passed away, and was sleeping in the guest room since February. We tried to work on our marriage and I honestly tried so hard to change for the better, working on the things she requested. 
Then a few months ago I noticed my wife has stopped trying as hard, started to become distant. One night she was passed out drunk and I saw on her phone she was sexting another man. I was heartbroken - probably how she felt about me. The feeling was terrible - we talked about it the next day and she explained to me he was an old friend and it was nothing serious. (The texts were serious) however, I wanted to forgive her and she agreed she would stop talking to him. 

Last week I noticed they were growing activity on social media - my wife added him on all social media, even went in and liked all his old photos dating back to 2020 (something she did to me when we started dating). She was still wearing her ring with me however, she would take her ring off went she went out without me (red flags). I asked her to tell me about this man this week and she told me again he's just a friend and she doesn't talk to him like that and hasn't texted him since I asked. I did not believe her, I checked the phone bill and saw she lied to my face and has been communicating with him almost everyday all the time. I approached her on this, and she flipped on me for checking the phone records. 

Now my wife is moving back in with her parents because she wants space again. We talked and she said she doesn't love me and doesn't know if she ever will love me the same way she once did. I am thinking it is because of this guy and that she caught feelings for him. I want to save my marriage, I love my wife with all my heart, and I am in so much pain knowing she is falling for someone else. She claims this space is for us to help find ourselves and will be good with us. Her entire family is rooting for us, I spoke to her mother and she was shocked about this new person in her life as well. My wife, I feel is split on what she wants to do - which is why I think the space is good for us. She told me this morning that she's going to only be down the street and not far away - she is only taking her clothes and dresser - she is leaving the cats we have, and pretty much everything else in the house.

I believe she does still love me and wants this to work. the past week after we talked and she decided to move out (tomorrow she moves out) - she constantly is texting me asking where I am and what I am doing - for example I just needed to clear my head and go out, so I left the house one night without saying anything. She started texting me and calling me a ton asking where I went and would not leave me alone. then again yesterday, I had softball and was reading her texts but not responding - she sent me a total of 5 texts, asking if I was ignoring her, and then called me asking where I was. Why would she do that if she's moving out? Additionally the other day she asked me if I hated her - which I explained that I don't but Im just so upset about this other guy. 

I am scared to lose my wife, she is truly the love of my life and I know I made mistakes but I don’t want this to end this way. I don't know what to do… should I give her the space and just lay low until she reaches out to me? I wanted to ask her before she moves out if we are going to remain faithful during this separation - is that fair of me to ask? Please help


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

She will tell you she’s going to remain faithful but that doesn’t mean she will. With another guy solidly in the picture, I’m not confident a separation will draw you both back together. You’re remorseful for your sexting but she doesn’t sound remorseful for what she has been doing, and it doesn’t sound over. It sounds like moving out is to see if Plan B, this other dude, is a better choice than you.

Her hysterical texting to keep tabs on you is because of her own guilt. If this was a true separation without anyone else involved, I’d say it could do you both some good. But my opinion…she’s going to be testing the waters and stringing you along while she does it. Only you can determine what you think is best and what you’ll tolerate.

Sorry things are going down this path but I wouldn’t solely blame your sexting for what has happened here. I mean, you did that but were remorseful. She isn’t remorseful and you can’t have what you want until she severs contact with that guy and works on the marriage with you.

I think you could use this separation however to sort out of you truly want to stay with someone who said they don’t love you anymore. And why your marriage has been struggling so much up to this point. You may come away no longer wanting to stay with her. Or you might. In other words, I wouldn’t spend this whole time trying to make your wife come back home. Use the time to learn about yourself.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Bigseany said:


> I am scared to lose my wife, she is truly the love of my life and I know I made mistakes but I don’t want this to end this way. I don't know what to do… should I give her the space and just lay low until she reaches out to me? I wanted to ask her before she moves out if we are going to remain faithful during this separation - is that fair of me to ask? Please help


It is fair to ask, but will you really be able to believe her? She is already unfaithful, what make you think that will change when you are not there?

I can't say that is all the cause, but I think you broke the marriage with your prior sexting and she never really got over it. Now she has detached, and moved on. What she is doing isn't right, but I can see why it happened. Separation is just the first step towards divorce. Distance will never make two people grow back together. 

If you really want to fix this, she should stay and go 100% no contact with this other guy. If you separate she is probably just going to try out this new guy. Take him for a spin and see how it goes.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Duplicate thread. Closing down. *


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