# Trust Broken



## Whatnow1234 (Aug 6, 2013)

My wife and I have been together for ten years married for 6 and have two children. The first year of our relationship was amazing, then one night she doesn't come home after being out with her sister and i did the most regretable thingn in my life and left her and moved back in with my parents. 

We got back together 6 months later, engaged a year after that and have been together ever since. Just after we were engaged and moved into our new home I suspected cheating after seeing that she was texting a past boyfriend more than she had been me. 

This guy was her first boyfriend ever, they dated a couple years in middle and high school and the story I got was he cheated on her and it was over..

Shortly after we moved into our new home she went out for a bachelourett party and was supposed to crash at my cousins house but I found her at his house that next morning... She claimed that she went bowling with friends after the party and everyone was too drunk to drive and they all crashed at this house. Swore up and down that nothing happened. but it did come out that while we were split up she had been seeing him . despite all the prof smacking me right in the face I believed her. At that point i told her for me to trust and believe what she is saying she can never talk to this person again. 

Fast forward 7 years later we're married have a great life, great kids. Last week we run into her friends and this man at a concert. our two groups of friends all know each other, we all went to HS together etc... so we ended up hanging with them most of the night. they didnt speak to my knowlege, he actually talked to me a couple times. 

Now this past weekend when she is out of town at another concert I noticed she was being real short with me. Not answering my calls after she had just sent me a text msg and so on. Something told me something wasnt right. So I checked the cell phone texts online and seen she was texting this same man for almost 5 hours straight that night from about 945pm-245am. 100 texts sent back and forth while she is at this concert, club, then laying in bed at the hotel. Then about a dozen the next morning... 

So I called him. He knows me I know him.. And it all comes out. That night of the bachlorette party she cheated on me. Before we were engaged she had been cheating. All this came from him. He said every time he sees me he has trouble looking me in the eye. He tells me how sorry he is. I can hear it in his voice... I asked if he talked to her that night at the concert and he said no, he made sure i could always see him. I asked if anything iniapropriate was said in the texts, he said just that she said she missed him... After talking with him I called my wife, asked who she had been talking with and after trying to hide it I called her out and told her I already spoke with him. I meet her at home and after pounding it out of her she admits to cheating with him back then. She doesn't remember the texts that night but just said they were about life and family. And of course she deleted them. She doesn't know why, "curiosity I guess" is what she said. She had been drinking...

I don't know what to do!.!. We have a life and kids, a home. It was always in the back of my mind that she cheated.. All the proof was there. But I loved her so much I chose to believe her. We moved on and have had a GREAT life since... Now this. NOW THIS! 

How can someone claim to love you, claim to be in love with you but do things like this?!?!? I feel like other things were said in those texts... Who talks about life and family to someone that they supposedly don't care about... for that long? That late at night? 5 hours of texting!!! Why did she do it? Why does she even care about him at all? Once again just like before its not adding up. I feel like There's more she's not telling me... 

God Im so in love this woman.. You have no idea.. Very few people experience a love like this..

I don't want friends and family to know, so I can't ask anyone for advice. I want to keep asking her questions but can't because I don't want to her to hurt. All I do is think and try to figure out which leads to more questions. So I came here, hoping for hope. 

She's been very remorseful since its happened. When she's around I love her, I want to show her everything will be ok, that we'll get through this. She does the same. But when she's gone, I think and get mad and come up with more questions to try and get the truth out. 

I guess what I'm looking for is advice on what to do next... Do we stop talking about it and move on... Can I keep talking to her about it to try and get more answers? Should I keep quite to prevent her from hurting? But what about me? I've not done anything to her but treat her like a queen and she tells me this all the time.. Is she lying? Is she not happy? She said we have a perfect life but if its so perfect why would she do this???? I feel she might be hiding the truth to prevent further heart ache but I feel that's what we need if we're going to move on. Should i ask her what she learned about him through those texts??? Shoud I call him again to get more answers? 

I'm I wrong for thinking its not ok to text a man like that even if nothing sexual or emotional was said? 

Sorry for the long post, I just wanted you to know our history so you could help.. I believe him, I thanked him for telling the truth, he didn't have to. If he told me the truth about the cheating I feel like he would about the texts. I don't know... Maybe not.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

1st. She disrespected you and destroyed whatever trust you have in her with what she has done. Even though it was in the past, it is current for you because she was untruthful and you have just found out about it.

2nd. She has to write you a timeline of everything that happened so that you are aware of what occurred and it also lets you know if she is Trickle Truthing you.

3rd. She has to write a NO Contact Letter to the OM, and give it to you open, you read it and Mail it.

4th. Do not let her say Get Over it, it was in the past, No it Wasn't. She gave herself to another man when she was suppose to be exclusively with you. 

Once that wall is broken it is easy for someone to do it again and again if there are no consequences or they do not want to make amends. 

She know has to be completely open to you with all passwords, times etc. Also no more GNO she cannot be trusted.

That is a start, you are not entering a long journey if you want to "R".

Note if you keep quiet about it, it will be a cancer that completely destroys you. Worry about her hurting, she has changed you forever because of this she needs to do some heavy lifting to repair this.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Hi, sorry you are here.

1) There is almost certainly a whole lot more than you know. I suspect they have been cheating on and off the whole time.

2) You should insist on no contact with this 'man' and give her consequences for any contact.

3) Get a key logger for any laptops etc. she uses and a Voice Activated Recorder for her car.

4) Get divorce papers drawn up and see a lawyer. Show and tell her what you are doing.

5) This will hurt like Hell. Look after yourself and keep posting.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Whatnow1234 said:


> My wife and I have been together for ten years married for 6 and have two children. The first year of our relationship was amazing, then one night she doesn't come home after being out with her sister and i did the most regretable thingn in my life and left her and moved back in with my parents.
> 
> We got back together 6 months later, engaged a year after that and have been together ever since. Just after we were engaged and moved into our new home I suspected cheating after seeing that she was texting a past boyfriend more than she had been me.
> 
> ...


I am going to let the others chime in on what YOU MUST DO to have any chance for this to work out in your favor. What I will say is that she is not to be trusted, period. You do not know everything and it is worse than you can imagine. Prepare for the worst. If you do not take the advice you will be given here you will live to regret it.
Your wife is a bad wife, wrap your head around it. She is not the person you love but in fact uses how you feel about her to her advantage. You were given a gift by the OM and you must from this point forward take care of yourself.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Get tested for stds 

Paternity test the kids 

You are most certainly being trickle truthed. Believe little to nothing that she says. 

Ask her to take a polygraph and follow thru with it. You will learn a lot by her reaction and be prepared for a parking lot confession
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

workindad said:


> Get tested for stds
> 
> Paternity test the kids
> 
> ...


Yeah a situation like yours is a perfect recipe for disaster. She is reading straight off the cheaters script. Polygraph will completely freak her out so I highly suggest you make that appointment for ASAP and go home and tell her when it is. She won't make it that far but don't cancel it, as it will be her goal to get you to do just that. She will tell you enough to think you know it all, but just mentally form more questions as I am sure you will have many. Do not allow her to convince you of anything right now. Her connection to this OM is a strong one and she will not let go of it with out a fight.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

workindad said:


> Get tested for stds
> 
> Paternity test the kids
> 
> ...


And let family on both sides know why you might divorce her and dna the kids to show what you think of her word.


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

Whatnow,

Your biggest problem is you are co-dependent on her. It may be counter-intuitive, but it's probably one of the reasons she cheats ... not excusing her at all, just saying. 

You need to work on your self-esteem and independence ... be able to live WITHOUT HER. Until you are able to do this, you won't be able to keep a woman like this loyal. Sorry.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Whatnow,

Right now you are in a fog. It's called the BS fog. You are so afraid of losing your wife, you are willing to sweep what she did under the rug. At some point, you will come out of that fog and regret your inaction. You'll find yourself in a false R, in limbo, unhappy; and she will almost certainly cheat again with him, or with someone else - in part, because she has received no significant consequences. 

The other reason she will likely cheat again is that she is a proven serial cheater. Even if she demonstrates complete remorse, she has a past that indicates what she will do in the future. The chances for successful R with a serial cheater are small, but non-existent without giving her those consequences.

If you're willing to accept those small odds either way, that's your decision.

Other posters will chime in on what consequences she needs to receive if you want your best chance to R with her. I've laid them out many times to BS's like you. But the bottom line is that you need to change your mindset. You've made a lot of mistakes, but it's not too late to get your act together.

Just remember this; you have to be willing to end your marriage to have a "chance" at saving it. If she doesn't receive and willingly accept significant consequences for her actions, if she doesn't demonstrate true remorse, you need to be willing to walk away from her.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Whatnow1234 said:


> How can someone claim to love you, claim to be in love with you but do things like this?!?!?


And this is the crux of the matter.

Answer: They really can’t. 

You provide children, security and balance but not the risk, excitement or thrills. That they have to get elsewhere- if they are so inclined like your wife is. The texts (please don’t believe for a second they were all about life…) and the emotional feeling they get with other men. 

I went through the exact same thing and know this drill like the back of my hand. 

So maybe, just maybe, you break her down and get her to stop. But it doesn’t end in her mind. Now she will feel the gaps in her life and it makes the yearnings so much more. And then what? A secret on-line account? CL posts? Secret email account? Maybe a dating site they post on… However she chooses.

And I want to touch on trust.

Trust is not checking in with you so you know she isn’t in bed with another man. Anyone can work around that. Trust is not showing you her emails, texts… anyone can do that as well as work around it. 

Trust is the knowledge in your mind and in your heart that she (or anyone for that matter) is solely devoted to you and only you. That interacting with others of the opposite sex while in a relationship is not going to happen and you know it, feel it and sense it. No flirting, no FB, no texts… in any manner that could lead somewhere it isn’t supposed to go. That’s trust. And it is gone and gone forever because you know your trust has been betrayed and can justifiably no longer exist.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

ironman said:


> Whatnow,
> 
> Your biggest problem is you are co-dependent on her. It may be counter-intuitive, but it's probably one of the reasons she cheats ... not excusing her at all, just saying.
> 
> You need to work on your self-esteem and independence ... be able to live WITHOUT HER. Until you are able to do this, you won't be able to keep a woman like this loyal. Sorry.


Its a great point. After all the OM can live with or with out her and that has caused her to want to ruin her marriage for a romp with him. From your timeline given it seems she will take any scraps he throws at her. Think about it.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

badmemory said:


> Whatnow,
> 
> Right now you are in a fog. It's called the BS fog. You are so afraid of losing your wife, you are willing to sweep what she did under the rug. At some point, you will come out of that fog and regret your inaction. You'll find yourself in a false R, in limbo, unhappy; and she will almost certainly cheat again with him, or with someone else - in part, because she has received no significant consequences.
> 
> ...


People can repair themselves. People can form disgust for who they are and take notice of the thoughts and behaviors that cause damage to those they love. Most never do, but most all could if they were willing to work hard at it.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Your wife has no respect for you. She has not stopped this affair. She is lying to you. You can not trust a word she says. Stop letting her party all the time without you. You can only help yourself. Show respect for yourself and take care of you. You wife has not and will not help you unless she stops this nonsense. Show her the divorce papers to see if she will wake up and change.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Whatnow1234....well first sorry you have been made part of the group of "BS", but there will be a lot of friends here to help you on your journey. We are all in different stages....please keep that in mind. Some like you are hurt and in a lot of pain right now....some are farther along in the healing ....some are on the other end of the hurricane looking back saying..."I survived".  Keep posting...there will be a lot of good advise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Random thoughts...

I don't know what has changed inside of me but the fire and brimestone glasses I saw everything through the first few years after my XW's cheating/divorce/etc... are changing tint, so many shades of grey appear where they didn't before... Anyway...

I don't think forcefeeding you some harsh version of what the reality of your situation _could be _will do much good here. From experience, you will likely block most of it out anyway. I suspect you feel more 'in love' with your wife now than you ever have, (for the record that's a natural nuerochemical reaction in your brain. designed to prevent 'uncoupling' and a bunch of other physiological evolutionary brain jazz that doesn't matter to you right now) So anyway...

Obviously your wife has issues with boundries, and is accustomed to getting her way... I'm sure there are a bunch of other dynamics at play here with your interpersonal relationships. Based on what you said the reason she feels this way about this guy makes perfect sense... Scientifically. She see's it differently and may not understand her draw to him...

If you want to hear more about the technical mumbo-jumbo to what's happening and why she may not just be evil (lol) _just ask and I'll explain as best I can..._. You've gotten plenty of people tuned in to your cause already, and you will find help if you sift through the 100's of replies you get.. 

My in depth analysis / explanations / speculations of the _what's and why's_ won't change solution though... there is only one thing you can do here and for someone in your state of emotional / mental comprimise, it's beyond challenging. You must levy serious consequences on her. Remember that word, Consequences. Not to be confused with punishments.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Whatnow1234, 

Sorry you're here. Catch your breath. Let her know you don't know what your going to do with the marriage yet. There is so much to go over you can start here before you decide what to do

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739

Get these books, read them and form a plan...

Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"

Not "Just Friends" Shirley P. Glass 

Coping with Infidelity: Beginning (Part 1)

Surviving an Affair Willard F. Jr. Harley

Good luck

BTW, If she won't go no contact with him for life, you'll know where she stands.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

She is indeed remorseful......................for getting caught by you! She is a serial cheater and liar. I think it is pretty obvious that you were the door prize for her. She was cheating on you while you were engaged. What more do you have to know?

As previous posters has stated that this is probably only the tip of the iceberg.
1. Get tested for STD's
2. Get paternity testing
3. See a lawyer to understand your options.

If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would have put up with such disrespect and humiliation that you have endured? If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## Burned (Jul 13, 2013)

God Im so in love this woman.. You have no idea.. Very few people experience a love like this..
--------

Don't let this cloud your judgement. I thought the same way, I rug swept, denied reality, and looked down right pathetic.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WhatNow, if you desire to stay with her, you need to tell her she absolutely must end all contact with him completely and forever more.

This was both an emotional and physical affair with someone she was in love with previously-- the very worst kind.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Burned said:


> God Im so in love this woman.. You have no idea.. Very few people experience a love like this..
> --------
> 
> Don't let this cloud your judgement. I thought the same way, I rug swept, denied reality, and looked down right pathetic.


He's not there yet and won't be until Reality seeps through. But the sooner he starts being realistic and not emotional, the better.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> My in depth analysis / explanations / speculations of the _what's and why's_ won't change solution though... there is only one thing you can do here and for someone in your state of emotional / mental comprimise, it's beyond challenging. *You must levy serious consequences on her. *Remember that word, Consequences. Not to be confused with punishments.


This is what it comes down to.

And hi, Pit. It's been a long time. ::waves to my old pal::


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Whatnow1234 said:


> My wife and I have been together for ten years married for 6 and have two children. The first year of our relationship was amazing, then one night she doesn't come home after being out with her sister and i did the most regretable thingn in my life and left her and moved back in with my parents.
> 
> We got back together 6 months later, engaged a year after that and have been together ever since. Just after we were engaged and moved into our new home I suspected cheating after seeing that she was texting a past boyfriend more than she had been me.
> 
> ...


First you need to slow down....

*You need to stop attempting a frantic rug sweep and let your wife know this will be dealt with openly and repeatedly until you have all the answers...if you rug sweep this it will haunt you FOREVER....*

You do not have all the facts yet - there is probably more to this story - like why was she still reaching out to him? Did he tell you the whole truth or did he give you enough to throw you off?

There must be an immediate NC with the OM - period - end of story - she was curious about him? ummm ok....oh and no more concerts or bachelortte parties on her own again... her swinging single days are over


She has lied to you when confronted about the bachelorette party and who knows what else - she is not the wife you thought she was and your old marriage is now dead...do not let her get away with this without any consequences...you should also rethink exposure - once her secret life hits the light of day it will look a whole lot different...

You really do not know the full extent of what you are dealing with here and you need to investigate until you do..remorse is about actions not words and tears...she needs to step up..


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

If there is to be any chance of saving this you must give up the fear of losing her.

Accept that you very well might have to live the rest of your life without her.

That's step #1.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

lenzi said:


> If there is to be any chance of saving this you must give up the fear of losing her.
> 
> Accept that you very well might have to live the rest of your life without her.
> 
> That's step #1.


:iagree: you need to ask yourself this question - what if she _*has*_ carried on affairs during your marriage? What would you do? *You can never go back to the place where you were pre-disclosure - never *- you need to accept the new reality...it sucks...but it is what it is...


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Whatnow1234 said:


> then one night she doesn't come home after being out with her sister
> 
> she went out for a bachelourett party and was supposed to crash at my cousins house but I found her at his house that next morning...
> 
> ...


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

What Now 1234

So far you don't want her to hurt. Your words right? You want to show her that everything will be alright. Your words right? Then you say the magic words and I quote "I'VE NOT DONE ANYTHING BUT TREAT HER LIKE A QUEEN". Your words right?

So far it's one sided and there is no one to blame but yourself because your doing everything but bringing another man home, undressing your wife in front of him and saying to the other guy "Here's my wife. Do anything you want to her and don't worry about me, I'll be in the other room crying my eyes out."

What about me. Your words. If you want your marriage, then you better pull your head out of your ass and TAKE CHARGE BECAUSE YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY! To hell if she's hurting. She deserves to be hurting. She's the one whose cheating and your the one feeling guilty. What's wrong with this picture!

My God man, the guy who was screwing your wife feels more guilty about it then your wife does. He at least had the common decency to apologize and your own wife hasn't done anything because you won't let her because you don't want her hurt. WHAT ABOUT ME!! That's what this is all about right now. What is she doing for you besides giving lip service.

You want your marriage and your wife back? Then you get a back bone, some balls, courage and let the little Aphrodite know that so far she's batting zero and lay down some serious ground rules and let her know that there is no room for discussion because she lost her right to a fair and balanced marriage since she tore it apart by not being able to keep her knees together.

I'm not trying to step all over your manhood friend, I'm trying along with everyone else to help you find it. If not, your in for a whole lot of you ain't seen nothing yet from her in years to come.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

I agree with the other posters, you're in the BS fog right now. You should expose to everyone....truth is, some of them already know about it. Some of her girlfriends are not friends of your marriage and have been helping her hide this secret from you. Think about it....all the times she hooked up with OM she had friends to cover her tracks for her. What a great crowd of people she runs with.

Don't rug-sweep this.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Whatnow1234 said:


> I suspected cheating after seeing that she was texting a past boyfriend more than she had been me.
> 
> she went out for a bachelourett party and was supposed to crash at my cousins house but I found her at his house that next morning. Swore up and down that nothing happened. * i told her for me to trust and believe what she is saying she can never talk to this person again.*
> 
> ...


There are two sides to every story.

Your side is "WHAT IS SHE DOING? WE ARE BOTH THE LOVES OF EACH OTHER'S LIVES, WE HAD A GREAT LIFE."

I guarantee you, her side of the story is, I thought I loved my husband, but now we just seem like roommates, and I always have been attracted to other man. SHE WANTS TO EXPLORE THE POSSIBILITIES WITH OTHER MAN. This past weekend, she was pursuing other man.

I am conflicted on what to think of other man. On one hand, he told you the truth about the affair. On the other hand, he said he always felt guilty about the cheating (though he did cheat). On the third hand, he texted back and forth with your wife for five straight hours and the next day. My best guess is that other man would like to bag your wife, but does have some guilt about it, but he is fighting (unsuccessfully during the texting episode) the urge to partake in what your wife is openly offering him.

*Do you have any doubt that if other man had asked your wife to come over and bang him, that she would have immediately done so?* PLEASE COME OUT OF YOUR FOG. She was texting him for FIVE STRAIGHT HOURS, from the wee small hours of the night until the wee small hours of the morning. IT WAS NOT ABOUT FAMILY AND CATCHING UP. It was reminiscing about old times, it was her telling him how hot he still looked, it was her telling him "I wish you were here with me at this concert, standing behind me, with your hands on my waist, kissing the back of my neck."

Stop with the "how great my life is" stuff. That is your misperception. Your life is not great. Your wife does not think so. Happily married women who are madly in love with their husbands don't do what your wife is doing. *Please acknowledge this fact.*

Look at this objectively. I am not saying your marriage cannot be saved, but I am saying it is in grave danger and that your wife is no longer "in love" with you. She is looking at you as a roommate, not as a lover.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Your wife will not respect you if you continue to put her on a pedestal and treat her like the greatest wife in the world, accepting her obvious lies. To tell you she texted him about family? REALLY??? She can't really expect you to believe it, and if you do, she's going to think you really aren't that perceptive or bright.

Consequences. For her. Because she cheated long ago. And because she is trying to cheat now. It is unfaithful of her to text another man for five straight hours, especially a man who SHE AGREED NEVER TO TALK TO AGAIN.

Consequences:

1. No more going out alone at night without you.
2. No more alcohol unless she is with you.
3. She handwrites a "no contact" letter to the other man.
4. Anyone who enabled her cheating, gets cut out of your lives. If they are not a friend of your marriage, then they are not a friend of either of you. If it was a family member, you both confront them on enabling it and ask for an apology. If you don't get a sincere apology, contact is limited to when you see each other at family functions.
5. She gives you passwords to all accounts and devices.
6. She tells you the truth about what she texted with other man - a story that makes sense.
7. She agrees to take a polygraph to determine how truthful she has been, whether it really was just that one time cheating.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to polygraph her ASAP

You also need to inform her that the OM is now out of your lives forever and any contact at all will mean divorce.

Consider that they are still hooking up.

Post him up on cheaterville.com

No more over night trips out for her. None, she's shown she cannot be trusted.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, was your cousin in on the cheating?


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## farthanperfect (Aug 7, 2013)

One thing I have learned, and this has worked for me and may not all. If you love her and want to have the chance for this to work, let it go. Don't keep bringing it up. I just don't want to know for that will just bring up feelings of hate and with hate comes resentment. My wife had a e\r and it was hard to go through. Yes I blame myself for this as well but it is still a hard thing to go through. She wants to tell me everything, but all I need to know is that she is over it and wants to work on us. If all is going good, leave it alone. If the can of snakes are closed, leave it closed and work on just being the best husband, friend and father you can be.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

farthanperfect said:


> One thing I have learned, and this has worked for me and may not all. If you love her and want to have the chance for this to work, let it go. Don't keep bringing it up. I just don't want to know for that will just bring up feelings of hate and with hate comes resentment. My wife had a e\r and it was hard to go through. Yes I blame myself for this as well but it is still a hard thing to go through. She wants to tell me everything, but all I need to know is that she is over it and wants to work on us. If all is going good, leave it alone. If the can of snakes are closed, leave it closed and work on just being the best husband, friend and father you can be.


Please ignore this comment.

It goes against all of the real world experience of the members of this board. It is either a very poor attempt at trolling, or made by a truly misguided individual whom needs help.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Chris989 said:


> Please ignore this comment.
> 
> It goes against all of the real world experience of the members of this board. It is either a very poor attempt at trolling, or made by a truly misguided individual whom needs help.


Agree with Chris on this 100%.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

farthanperfect said:


> One thing I have learned, and this has worked for me and may not all. If you love her and want to have the chance for this to work, let it go.
> 
> If all is going good, leave it alone.


I just dropped my girlfriends car at the auto repair shop. It was driving ok, but it was making this weird noise when I turned the steering wheel right or left. I looked it up and it's probably the power steering module. If I ignored it and she continued to drive it, the steering would have probably locked up causing a major accident and possible major injuries (or worse) and the cost to repair just the locked up steering would be thousands as compared to maybe a couple of hundred to fix whatever was wrong in the first place.

Your advice is the same. "Ignore the problem and it will just go away". Suuuuuure it will. Until the steering locks up..

Who hears skid marks besides me?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Ignoring it is accepting and enabling it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Chris989 said:


> Please ignore this comment.
> 
> It goes against all of the real world experience of the members of this board. It is either a very poor attempt at trolling, or made by a truly misguided individual whom needs help.


Yeah, please, pretend it never happened, put this all under the carpet and keep swimming, this the tactic always worked. Ask anyone.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Will_Kane said:


> Consequences:
> 
> 1. No more going out alone at night without you.
> 2. No more alcohol unless she is with you.
> ...



Random, yet important perspective to consider...

The above 'new rules' aren't consquences for cheating and lying. They would be viewed as punishments if they were. 

Those are the considerations, or contingencies required to avoid _the real natural consequence_ for her actions. Losing you, Losing her family, losing her lifestyle. Being a divorced, cheating wife and suddenly single mother. THAT is the real consequence and it's a natural consequence or her own doing. 

She can not resent you for that consequence because it's of her own doing. If you have the balls to *ALLOW* the natural consequence to begin to happen, she will bend over backwards and beg for the contingencies (your terms) if you will stop 'nature' from happening. If she doesn't fear those things, you never lost anything. You didn't have it anyway.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Whatnow1234 said:


> God Im so in love this woman.. You have no idea.. Very few people experience a love like this..
> 
> I'm I wrong for thinking its not ok to text a man like that even if nothing sexual or emotional was said?


I do know that feeling, brother. The One woman I am So in love with cheated on me with her married ex-boss, two weeks after she took my ring. I still haven't married her legally (under God, yes, but not on paper yet), but I am still with her and I always want to be. Makes me very vulnerable. 

It's NOT ok for her to contact ANYONE from her past unless there are parental issues involved. Other than that, her life is with YOU, not her past. Same goes for you and your past. it can't lead to anything good in your relationship. 

If she's remorseful and is showing her daily willingness to help you heal, then you will be OK. At least that's my experience so far. There are times when I have pondered leaving her, but there is nothing but black out beyond our world. And I mean not even any stars. So I think I get where you're coming from. 

It's hard to believe that someone for whom you have so much love, who has professed the same love for you, would spread their legs for an ex or anyone else. It just seems impossible. But it happens. Something goes awry in their brains for a while. Then when they realize what they really want is standing right in front of them (my fWW's words), they realize what a horrible mistake they've made. 

Praying for you.


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