# Painful lessons! BUT Happier than we have been for years!



## lovenaffection (Mar 14, 2011)

This is more of story & an update, basically if it helps 1 person then I'm happy!

In a nutshell (which is almost impossible) We were married for 15 years, run a business together & have beautiful children!

Life was getting harder, we live thousands of miles from all of our family.

A new business opportunity came up & it changed our life! My husband started to spend so much time at work & I at home. We were used to being together EVERY day, as a team! He would work & then spend time with newly acquired friends (often girls) I'd be home with the kids & pretty much have no one)

I am a very affectionate & sexual person, I'd make every effort after he came home to give him everything he could ask for & more....... BUT gradually he was always too tired, or had a headache. Which I'm sure he did & was! BUT as the stay home party, dealing with letters, legal, kids, cleaning, medical needs etc I was ready to feel the love of my husband. & it simply wasnt there.

We got into many sad arguments, where he felt like I was saying he wasn't doing enough. I felt like I wasn't enough! The 10+ years younger girls were catching his eyes & although most people could say I was beautiful, I certainly didn't feel it! Not 1 bit....... & even when they did say it, they counted for all of 5 seconds, because the ONLY person that had the ability to make my sadness fade away instantly was my husband!

Instead he chose to spend more & more time with 1 particular "friend" & insisted it was NOTHING! Even though they'd have arguments, go out for dinner/drinks/hang out. Instead of coming home to his nagging wife, who cried herself to sleep at night.

So basically I fell into a hellish hole. I felt like every day was a step away from me driving my car into a wall as fast as I could, because I felt as if NO one would even notice I'd gone! No one cared what my day was like, no one even knew where I was most days! Certainly no one asked how I was, because for the sake of our business I made the outside look good!

I was at work 1 day & a group of pretty hot guys came in for a drink. I promote our company every chance I get & of course they were happy to listen. quiet simply I started to talk to 1 of them & felt I could trust him. He knew I was married & was happy to be respectful. I gave him my number for future business & that was it. A few days later he text to ask me if I knew any cute single friends that might want to go out on a date. I thought YES of course I do! He's young, super cute & I asked around.

A couple weeks went by, many more sleepless tearful nights........ a few breakages (which I'd never done before) I even got to where I was asking my husband to let me see a Dr for meds to help with my depression. His reply "Oh so you're gonna be a drug addict now?"

I just collapsed on the floor & hoped a hole would swallow me up! I'm asking for help, I'm admitting its my fault! I needed him to put his arms around me & tell me its all gonna be OK....... OR at least agree I needed help. Instead he asked me to be patient. The company was demanding & he needed 6 months to get things better & then we could start working on us........

I felt like that was a death sentence! The next time the young guy text, between important meetings, it was simply to ask how my day was going. I cried because it felt so nice to feel cared for. I said I was sad, & that it'd been a bad day. I was working for our company from home, trying to get it all done before the school bus arrived........ & finally someone was interested in my day & how I felt.

He asked me to go spend some time with him & his colleagues at the bar. I 100% said I could not, but that I really could do with a drink lol So from then on his occasional texts would be my medicine. nothing untoward. Basically I felt like I mattered!

The stupid thing is, I KNOW I mattered to MANY people, but in that moment, at that time I couldn't see that. My world was collapsing around me & I couldn't see any sense.

I got messages from people telling me I was so stupid for not seeing my husband was having an affair, she was supposed to be my friend too! I got her a job, I helped her with a number of things. She knows we are married I just didn't want to see it. He would come home at 3-4-5am & I'd never want to think it was because of her.

In the end I was weak to the affection, I spent maybe an hour over 3 visits with this younger man. I didn't feel guilt at the time, I was so busy trying to feel alive!

I didn't lie about where I was, because no one even cared!

Jumping foward- We both stopped the bad behavior without the other knowing what had happened. We started to focus on US & 3 years later we were feeling great! THEN someone decided to tell all.

To tell him what I had done, & he in turn told me what he had denied doing!

It was an emotional few months & we had to start from ground zero.

We've gone through the hardest days, (when she shows up) & the hardest nights, when he thinks about what I did! BUT we both LOVE each other so VERY VERY MUCH!

trust is still growing & telling each other the little things is so important!

YES its hard, but its a decision to chose what we have here & now, over what we did when we were feeling so badly about ourselves.

He needed MY support & friendship. I needed HIS love affection! We both went wrong & we know it, we blame ourselves for not seeing what we could have prevented BUT running over the past doesn't make anyone happy!

FOCUS ON THE FUTURE & EACH OTHER! not the unimportant people that were willing to come between your family <3


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

I'm glad it worked out well for you both in the end.


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