# Threadjack: Who cheats more - women or men?



## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

StarFires said:


> .....again, men cheat more than women do, and women, therefore, are more often the betrayed party.


Pretty sure the numbers are just about even.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

OnTheFly said:


> Pretty sure the numbers are just about even.


More is more regardless, and 7 or 8 percent statistical values can represent millions of people, men in this case.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Where is this statistic? I feel like on CWI here on TAM, more men post about being cheated on. Not to say this is everybody, but....


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

StarFires said:


> More is more regardless, and 7 or 8 percent statistical values can represent millions of people, men in this case.


Sounds like misandry to me....therefore I must cancel culture you.

Men and women equally share the morally bankrupt trait of adultery.

I won't derail MrSad's thread anymore, but I think the idea that men cheat more is pure 100% BS. And whatever stats are used to prove it will be based on ''cheaters'' answering a survey honestly, and we all know cheaters are the most honest people in the world....even CWI subforum shows it.

And women can be more heartless and calculating....why else would there be an oft repeated saying, ''hell hath no fury like a woman scorned''.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Gabriel said:


> Where is this statistic? I feel like on CWI here on TAM, more men post about being cheated on. Not to say this is everybody, but....


This is a reputable site, though you have to dig through a quiz to find it. The difference varies by age.








How Often Do People Really Cheat on Each Other?


Decades of research reveal surprising truths about infidelity.




www.psychologytoday.com





A search for "what percentage of men cheat" will get you titles that say it upfront, but I didn't recognize any of the sites.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Please continue the conversation about who cheats more on this thread.

@EleGirl can you make this post the first one for this thread?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

You would need to be able to DEFINE "cheating" specifically to begin with, and that's almost impossible to do.
It's possible that in certain circumstances, men are more likely to cheat, and then in other circumstances, women are more likely to cheat...but I doubt even THAT is quantifiable, there are to many variables that play into those circumstances.
I think cheating is a gender-less issue -- it's a moral issue and even a perception issue, but gender really shouldn't be considered as an important driving factor...and does it really even matter who "cheats more"...??

Infidelity is about the PERSON, and the SITUATION they are in...PERIOD.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

LisaDiane said:


> You would need to be able to DEFINE "cheating" specifically to begin with, and that's almost impossible to do.
> It's possible that in certain circumstances, men are more likely to cheat, and then in other circumstances, women are more likely to cheat...but I doubt even THAT is quantifiable, there are to many variables that play into those circumstances.
> *I think cheating is a gender-less issue -- it's a moral issue* and even a perception issue, but gender really shouldn't be considered as an important driving factor...*and does it really even matter who "cheats more"*...??
> 
> Infidelity is about the PERSON, and the SITUATION they are in...PERIOD.


Bolded 1) My thoughts exactly.
Bolded 2) In the original thread, it was brought up as a reason why there are more resources/supports for women who have been cheated on. I consider that a weak argument. As another poster said in that thread, men are just supposed to ''nut up'' and deal in silence. The squeaky wheel gets the oil.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

There have been many posts I've read of guys going to prostitutes, massages, escorts, sugar babies, etc. I would assume that there are fewer women involved, perhaps not married, with more men - i.e., one prostitute services x number of men. That's why I thought it was always said that men cheat more than women. I can't recall any post where a woman was going to a gigolo. But I always question those statistics and polls. I wonder where they get the information.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

LisaDiane said:


> You would need to be able to DEFINE "cheating" specifically to begin with, and that's almost impossible to do.


Actually, it depends upon what the definition of "is" is......


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

OnTheFly said:


> Bolded 1) My thoughts exactly.
> Bolded 2) In the original thread, it was brought up as a reason why there are more resources/supports for women who have been cheated on. I consider that a weak argument. As another poster said in that thread, men are just supposed to ''nut up'' and deal in silence. The squeaky wheel gets the oil.


Aaah...I see. 
Well, I still say it doesn't matter...IF there even is a difference, the numbers are SO close that it's not worth trying to make it a battleground issue.
IF there are fewer resources and supports for men, that's only because men themselves are less likely to want to discuss relationship/emotional issues openly the way women do (the men on TAM are an anomaly!)...but there ARE resources for betrayed SPOUSES and men, you just have to dig harder. YES, it sucks, it's not fair, it can maybe make a man feel worse, etc etc, but if you need the help, just dig in and LOOK for it...and then when you have overcome and healed enough from your situation, get out there and create the resources that were lacking for you!!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

OutofRetirement said:


> There have been many posts I've read of guys going to prostitutes, massages, escorts, sugar babies, etc. I would assume that there are fewer women involved, perhaps not married, with more men - i.e., one prostitute services x number of men. That's why I thought it was always said that men cheat more than women. I can't recall any post where a woman was going to a gigolo. But I always question those statistics and polls. I wonder where they get the information.


Sure, but again, that is about defining cheating, because we could also say that there are tons of posts about women becoming emotionally involved with men online who are half-way around the world (therefore, will never physically cheat)...

Women cheat close to as much as men do. It is the situation that drives the choice to cheat, NOT the gender.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Is there a contest!?

I think the percentages are very close and getting closer - perhaps the same by now. However, from statistics I've seen, women are better at getting away with it (by about a 10% margin).


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

OnTheFly said:


> Pretty sure the numbers are just about even.


According to my MC, from his 20 years experience he says he would say 65% of men and about 50% of women. He thinks in his professional opinion one in two marriages will experience infidelity via sexual and emotional affairs. From my own extensive research and reading much after my FWW almost blew up our marriage, I would have to agree.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I have been privy to far more cases of women cheating personally but I've also kept up on as much material as I can find and I think it mostly equals out. Trends dip and rise over the years but I think cheating is a pretty equal opportunity betrayal.


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

The problem with this question as it is understood on this site and other sites that I have seen it discussed on, is that everybody only thinks of cheating as two people who embark on an "illicit relationship".

That is just the tip of the iceberg.

A ton of male cheating is done with prostitutes. I don't think anyone can credibly argue that women frequent prostitutes nearly as much as men, both straight and gay, do.

If somebody wants to argue that women see prostitutes as much as men, they should go check out a red light district, or wherever the hookers hang out, to see who is buying and who is selling.

Also take notice when police departments do a big prostitution bust and publish the names of the "Johns" to see how many women appear in such a list, or check into Craigslist and papers that advertise escorts and see that it is virtually all geared toward men, both straight and gay.

Not to mention take a look see which gender engages more by far in sex tourism (men do), how many women engage in "dogging" - and what I mean by that is if you actually see a dozen women show up someplace to screw one guy, or see how many women engage with cam sex as opposed to men,or even watch porn (I am not saying watching porn is cheating, just that men do it a loooooot more)

For that matter, my understanding is when there was an analysis done of Ashley Madison, they found way more actual men signing up for cheating, and that a ton of the female profiles were fake.

So I am going with men cheat more.

But as far as actual "cheating relationships" I believe it is closer to even, but probably a little bit more on the male side.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I would rather keep track of the signs that someone is predisposed to cheating than knowing that 65% of men cheat.

Someone who never relaxes their grip on their phone even after months of exclusive dating. someone who has loose boundaries with female friends and so on.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Women are more "picky" and the vast majority of those that do cheat, cheat if at least one of two thing is present. 1. The woman has lost significant amounts respect and romantic interest in her man. 2. Her man is unable/unwilling to provide a minimum level of intimacy and performance (and in most of these cases, the man has given either direct or implicit/tacit approval)
Many, many men can have fried chicken dinner and all the trimmings at home and want a different hen when they're away.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Assuming most men aren’t cheating with other men and most women aren’t cheating with other women - then wouldn’t that mean that it is pretty much equal? 

I mean people don’t cheat by themselves. If someone were to cheat alone, wouldn’t that be masturbating? 

So assuming the cheating is with an opposite-sex partner, then the rates would pretty much have to be the same.


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

NextTimeAround said:


> I would rather keep track of the signs that someone is predisposed to cheating than knowing that 65% of men cheat.
> 
> Someone who never relaxes their grip on their phone even after months of exclusive dating. someone who has loose boundaries with female friends and so on.



Excellent point.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> Assuming most men aren’t cheating with other men and most women aren’t cheating with other women - then wouldn’t that mean that it is pretty much equal?
> 
> I mean people don’t cheat by themselves. If someone were to cheat alone, wouldn’t that be masturbating?
> 
> So assuming the cheating is with an opposite-sex partner, then the rates would pretty much have to be the same.


If you cheat w/ an unmarried person, you have raised the rate for your gender only.

If you cheat w/ a married person who has already cheated, same thing.


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

VladDracul said:


> Women are more "picky" and the vast majority of those that do cheat, cheat if at least one of two thing is present. 1. The woman has lost significant amounts respect and romantic interest in her man. 2. Her man is unable/unwilling to provide a minimum level of intimacy and performance (and in most of these cases, the man has given either direct or implicit/tacit approval)
> Many, many men can have fried chicken dinner and all the trimmings at home and want a different hen when they're away.



Another excellent point.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> There have been many posts I've read of guys going to prostitutes, massages, escorts, sugar babies, etc. I would assume that there are fewer women involved, perhaps not married, with more men - i.e., one prostitute services x number of men. That's why I thought it was always said that men cheat more than women. I can't recall any post where a woman was going to a gigolo. But I always question those statistics and polls. *I wonder where they get the information.*


I think they either illegally spy on thousands of people, or conduct surveys.


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> Assuming most men aren’t cheating with other men and most women aren’t cheating with other women - then wouldn’t that mean that it is pretty much equal?
> 
> I mean people don’t cheat by themselves. If someone were to cheat alone, wouldn’t that be masturbating?
> 
> So assuming the cheating is with an opposite-sex partner, then the rates would pretty much have to be the same.


@oldshirt - no, that is not the case. Read what @SpinyNorman wrote:



SpinyNorman said:


> If you cheat w/ an unmarried person, you have raised the rate for your gender only.
> 
> If you cheat w/ a married person who has already cheated, same thing.


Also it seems you are not taking into account the frequenting of prostitutes - which is by far a male-dominated activity.


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> There have been many posts I've read of guys going to prostitutes, massages, escorts, sugar babies, etc. I would assume that there are fewer women involved, perhaps not married, with more men - i.e., one prostitute services x number of men. That's why I thought it was always said that men cheat more than women. I can't recall any post where a woman was going to a gigolo. But I always question those statistics and polls. I wonder where they get the information.





SpinyNorman said:


> I think they either illegally spy on thousands of people, or conduct surveys.


Or just look at police statistics, or just look at who the whole prostitution industry is geared towards, it's not hard to see that it is focused on men looking for women (or other men, etc.)


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

faithfulman said:


> Also it seems you are not taking into account the frequenting of prostitutes - which is by far a male-dominated activity.


Whether money changed hands or not has nothing to do w/ what I posted.


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

SpinyNorman said:


> Whether money changed hands or not has nothing to do w/ what I posted.


I never implied that your post did have something to do with money exchanging.

My point had nothing to do with money exchanging hands either, I am not sure why you thought it was.

you were talking about how information was gathered.

You bolded "*I wonder where they get the information.*" in the quote from @OutofRetirement you were replying to, and your reply was:



SpinyNorman said:


> I think they either illegally spy on thousands of people, or conduct surveys.



My point is that to get a lot of relevant information, you don't have to "illegally spy", or even conduct a survey.

The information is out there: Police statistics will reveal that men frequent prostitutes far more than women, and just browsing sex trade classified etc. will reveal that the industry is geared toward serving men.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

faithfulman said:


> I never implied that your post did have something to do with money exchanging.
> 
> My point had nothing to do with money exchanging hands either, I am not sure why you thought it was.
> 
> ...


Thanks for clarifying, you do have a point.

The prevalence of men paying for prostitutes does suggest infidelity, but some of the johns are probably single. Also, it doesn't tell you how many amateurs are cheating w/ other amateurs, so I don't think you could get very precise statistics.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

faithfulman said:


> @oldshirt - no, that is not the case. Read what @SpinyNorman wrote:
> 
> 
> 
> Also it seems you are not taking into account the frequenting of prostitutes - which is by far a male-dominated activity.


But they are willing participants in the activity. 

That’s like saying getaway drivers shouldn’t be part of the statistics on bank robbers or pimps should not be part of the statistics on prostitution. 

When someone asks who cheats more, the root of what they are generally trying to get at is which gender is better and which is worse. 

When both are willing participants, is there really a distinction?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> Assuming most men aren’t cheating with other men and most women aren’t cheating with other women - then wouldn’t that mean that it is pretty much equal?
> 
> I mean people don’t cheat by themselves. If someone were to cheat alone, wouldn’t that be masturbating?
> 
> So assuming the cheating is with an opposite-sex partner, then the rates would pretty much have to be the same.


This ignores that men can cheat with unmarried women, prostitutes and such. Research shows men cheat more.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I not answering that poll !! Nothing good will come of this 😬


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I still maintain...WHO CARES!!!!!!


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

SpinyNorman said:


> Thanks for clarifying, you do have a point.
> 
> The prevalence of men paying for prostitutes does suggest infidelity, but some of the johns are probably single. Also, it doesn't tell you how many amateurs are cheating w/ other amateurs, so I don't think you could get very precise statistics.


Certainly there are single men who frequent prostitutes.

My overall point is that when you add in the overwhelming majority by which men frequent prostitutes and sex trade in general as compared to women, it leans pretty heavily toward "men cheat more"

Precision? We'll never get that in this question because most cheaters are going to lie or decline to answer.

Anecdotally, I was once watching a news story about prostitutes, and over and over again, the prostitutes mentioned that the johns's motivation was wanting to screw a different woman than their wife/girlfriend with no strings attached, or someone to engage in sex acts that their wife or girlfriend would not provide.

It's kind of the Charlie Sheen philosophy: "They aren't just paying the prostitutes for the sex, they are paying the prostitutes to leave after the sex."


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> But they are willing participants in the activity.
> 
> That’s like saying getaway drivers shouldn’t be part of the statistics on bank robbers or pimps should not be part of the statistics on prostitution.



Your example of bank robbers or pimps has no relation to cheating.

A hooker is not cheating on anyone unless they have a significant other who does not know they are screwing for money.

But let's add the hooker and the pimp into the equation, even though that makes no sense: 1 hooker + 100 Johns equals men cheat 100x times more than women.



oldshirt said:


> When someone asks who cheats more, the root of what they are generally trying to get at is which gender is better and which is worse.
> 
> When both are willing participants, is there really a distinction?


You lost me.

Men frequent prostitutes and sex trade far more. I really don't think this can be disputed. Many of those men are married or otherwise committed.

Assuming "cheating relationships" are split 50/50 male/female, then once you add in married/committed men who pay for sex outside their relationship, men cheat more.


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

Who knows, that true number will likely never be known and it fluctuates am sure.... To me a cheater is a cheater

Sent from my SM-G988U using Tapatalk


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> According to my MC, from his 20 years experience he says he would say 65% of men and about 50% of women. He thinks in his professional opinion one in two marriages will experience infidelity via sexual and emotional affairs. From my own extensive research and reading much after my FWW almost blew up our marriage, I would have to agree.


I agree. I definitely think men will always exclipse women when it comes to cheating. And that's because a lot of them (I didn't say ALL of them I said a lot of them) think with their d*cks. I've seen it my entire life with guys.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


faithfulman said:



...how many women engage in "dogging" - and what I mean by that is if you actually see a dozen women show up someplace to screw one guy...

Click to expand...

*LMAO!!! Women actually* DO *this???? 

I'd rather put out a campfire with my face then be a part of _that_ clown show.


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LMAO!!! Women actually* DO *this????
> 
> I'd rather put out a campfire with my face then be a part of _that_ clown show.


What I meant and worded poorly is the practice of "dogging" where a bunch of men take turns screwing a woman in a parking lot or the woods etc. is not something you see happening in the reverse.

By the way, I wouldn't get involved with that activity either, it seems so gross, like sticking your penis in a diseased just-used condom.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

faithfulman said:


> What I meant and worded poorly is the practice of "dogging" where a bunch of men take turns screwing a woman in a parking lot or the woods etc. is not something you see happening in the reverse.
> 
> By the way, I wouldn't get involved with that activity either, it seems so gross, like sticking your penis in a diseased just-used condom.


Are you kidding...?? This can't be REAL...can it...? There are women who WANT to do this...??


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

Evidently it's a thing.

All kinds of people do all kinds uf stuff. 

I'll bet it's more of a prostitution thing though.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

faithfulman said:


> What I meant and worded poorly is the practice of "dogging" where a bunch of men take turns screwing a woman in a parking lot or the woods etc. is not something you see happening in the reverse.


I doubt this type of activity is anything but a unicorn event. Are you getting this idea that this occurs from porn?


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Wolfman1968 said:


> I doubt this type of activity is anything but a unicorn event. Are you getting this idea that this occurs from porn?


I do think it is a rare unicorn occurrence but I clearly remember someone posting an article on TAM last August about an elderly couple in Connecticut arrested for advertising for a gang bang in a state park. Gross. It wasn’t cheating for the elderly couple because they were both on board, but some of the joiners were married. End t/j


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

Wolfman1968 said:


> I doubt this type of activity is anything but a unicorn event. Are you getting this idea that this occurs from porn?


I can't speak to the frequency, but I think it's more of a "scene", I kind of knew a guy who purportedly went to Craigslist gangbangs which is basically the same thing. 

But I bet it's a pay to play thing.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Anastasia6 said:


> This ignores that men can cheat with unmarried women, prostitutes and such. Research shows men cheat more.


Ummm, in my young and single days, I was with several married women. So does that mean that they are the only ones to get moral demerits? 

Is a single person in the moral clear?

Can’t married women hook up with single men ( hint; they can. BTDT) 

If a man cheats with a prostitution, does that mean the prostitute has the moral high ground? 

Again it goes back to if a person of either gender is cheating, there is a corresponding counterpart they are cheating with.


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> Ummm, in my young and single days, I was with several married women. So does that mean that they are the only ones to get moral demerits?
> 
> Is a single person in the moral clear?
> 
> ...



You're discussing something different from "cheating".

Cheating is a specific thing, when an individual who is married or in a committed relationship engages in an intimate relationship, sexual or otherwise, outside of said committed relationship.

Now to answer your question, a prostitute, or an uncommitted person who engages in the relationship or act with the commited person is not in the moral clear.

He or she is doing something wrong.

But he or she is not "cheating" on anyone, because they are single.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

faithfulman said:


> What I meant and worded poorly is the practice of "dogging" where a bunch of men take turns screwing a woman in a parking lot or the woods etc. is not something you see happening in the reverse.
> 
> By the way, I wouldn't get involved with that activity either, it seems so gross, like sticking your penis in a diseased just-used condom.


Dude, you might want to give porn a rest for awhile, lol.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

A better question is are serial or long term cheaters (maybe just abusers in general) the same species of human. Then the next question is has human race evolved beyond them or are we evolving into them?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

sokillme said:


> A better question is are serial or long term cheaters (maybe just abusers in general) the same species of human. Then the next question is has human race evolved beyond them or are we evolving into them?


Same species - the human species. With all the cheating, we're all related, whether we know it or not. Face it: cheating is a fundamental human behavior. However, since we have the ability to reason, project consequences, and have developed moral codes, we know we should strive to overcome this destructive behavior. Some fail, and some never really had a moral code to begin with.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I barely see the point of this posting.

Both genders have a significant number that cheat.

One difference women have over men is that most could crook their finger at a guy and get laid inside of 10 minutes.

The reverse is not typical.

And yeah, before anyone points to some experience disproving that, I'm not a statistician.
Just a life traveler who has observed others a long time.

There is no moral high ground occupied by a gender.


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