# Sex just once a week is all you need to be content...



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

To me there is a difference between being "content" and being "happy". I would be content with sex once a week but I would be happy with sex multiple times per week (ideally with another person lol).

Also, the article states that engaging in regular sex is associated with happiness. The question though, is the regular sex leading to happiness or is it happiness in other parts of your relationship that is leading to regular sex???












> How much sex do you need a week to be happy? While a slightly ridiculous question, most of you are probably thinking of a fairly high number. Well, science has been on the case and it’s discovered that, if you’re in a relationship, sex just once a week is all you need to be content. The study, published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, drops this bombshell, among others.
> 
> Lead author Amy Muise, a sex and romance scientist at the University of Toronto Mississauga, conducted a three-part study on the sexual behaviors of a wide range of people in an attempt to uncover the link between sex and happiness – and it’s not as simple as you think. There are many studies – and of course, many opinions – out there that link the amount of sex you have each week to how happy you are overall. The results of Muise’s study dismiss this concept, to a degree.
> 
> ...





> People earning up to $25,000 (£16,400) per year were less happy overall than those earning $75,000 (£49,100); similarly, those having sex on a monthly basis were less happy overall than those having sex on a weekly basis. This isn’t surprising, perhaps, but what was striking was just how much happier they were due to a change from monthly to weekly sex when compared to those who began to earn up to $50,000 (£32,740) more than their peers. To put it another way, weekly sex made people happier than a huge pay rise.
> 
> Lastly, data from a 14-year-long study of 2,400 married couples was examined, and the overall trend was that more sex was linked to higher levels of relationship satisfaction, but once again this link became insignificant once the sex became at least weekly.
> 
> “In general it is important to maintain a sexual connection with a romantic partner, but it is also important to have realistic expectations for one’s sex life, given that many couples are busy with work and responsibilities,” said Muise to the Huffington Post. “Our research suggests that engaging in regular sex is associated with happiness, but it is not necessary, on average, for couples to aim to engage in sex as frequently as possible.”




http://www.iflscience.com/editors-blog/how-much-sex-makes-you-happy-once-week-according-science


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

For the record I think I'd be happier if I had great sex once a week. This doesn't happen. I usually have OK sex once a month.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Heatherknows said:


> For the record I think I'd be happier if I had great sex once a week. This doesn't happen. I usually have OK sex once a month.


Would have been interesting had the study looked at the quality of the sex and not just the quantity.

So the question, is having just OK sex one thing that possibly keeps it from happening more than once a month (limits the frequency)?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Sex once a week? Wouldn't work for me, but... OK....


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Once a week may be all that's necessary, but like you, OP, I do not find it sufficient. However, I might have stayed with my ex if even once a week - with enthusiasm - was an option.



> The question though, is the regular sex leading to happiness or is it happiness in other parts of your relationship that is leading to regular sex?


*Regular sex leads to happiness. And then happiness leads to ongoing regular sex.* This is a positive feedback loop.

UNhappiness seldom leads to sex, though. And lack of sex seldom coincides with real happiness in other parts of a relationship. This scenario would create a negative feedback loop.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

It's been nearly 11 months since I've had sex at all, so I'd be perfectly happy with once a week!


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> Would have been interesting had the study looked at the quality of the sex and not just the quantity.
> 
> So the question, is having just OK sex one thing that possibly keeps it from happening more than once a month (limits the frequency)?


It keeps me from not being too upset that it's only once a month.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> So the question, is having just OK sex one thing that possibly keeps it from happening more than once a month (limits the frequency)?


It was for me. When sex wasn't very satisfying, there was no real reason for me to want more of it. So I just kept up the minimum that would keep XH content.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

SecondTime'Round said:


> It's been nearly 11 months since I've had sex at all, so I'd be perfectly happy with once a week!


Same here - haven't had sex in five months, and before that it had been two years, so once a week would be great.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Same here - haven't had sex in five months, and before that it had been two years, so once a week would be great.


In the past 10 years I've probably had sex about 20 times. Actually we should take a poll. I might win for least sexual activity in the past 10 years.

(However...I did have a cyber boyfriend and had webcam sex many times but that was cheating and I can't count it.)


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
A good sex life makes a much bigger difference to my happiness than does wealth.....I think. Of course there is always a tendency to want what you don't have, and to disregard what you do.

I might think I would be happier having wild sex in a motel 6 than a sexless vacation in a $3000/night hotel, but that might not actually be true in reality.


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

I have pretty regular sex, but to me that does not equate happiness. I am unhappy in my relationship Somewhere in brain, I have separated sex/sexual gratification and emotion.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> Sex once a week? Wouldn't work for me, but... OK....


I'm female. Just once a week would not work for me, either.

There is another topic going, a male who isn't happy with frequency. It doesn't really work for him, either, and he's not very happy about it. I noticed that the advice given is much along the lines of he should be happy with what he gets, and if he wants more and she doesn't, well... she just doesn't and ultimately he has to just deal with it.

It just made me feel frustrated for him, and this thread reinforced that.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

CatJayBird said:


> I have pretty regular sex, but to me that does not equate happiness. I am unhappy in my relationship Somewhere in brain, I have separated sex/sexual gratification and emotion.


How?


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

Heatherknows said:


> How?


I don't know. I wish I did and could turn it back on. I have sex and enjoy the release and it's a stress reliever, but zero emotion from me. I don't know if it's the person I'm with or just me. I don't know if it's a protection measure my brain has imposed to keep my heart safe?? One of the things I'm working on in IC.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

CatJayBird said:


> I don't know. I wish I did and could turn it back on. I have sex and enjoy the release and it's a stress reliever, but zero emotion from me. I don't know if it's the person I'm with or just me. I don't know if it's a protection measure my brain has imposed to keep my heart safe?? One of the things I'm working on in IC.


I know what you mean about the release. But I cannot separate sex and emotions AT ALL. I know men can do it but few women. Maybe you're just jaded at this point.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Heatherknows said:


> I know what you mean about the release. But I cannot separate sex and emotions AT ALL. I know men can do it but few women. Maybe you're just jaded at this point.



I've never been able to separate the two, to have detached sex. My wife on the other hand can and has easily separated the two.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I would be happy with sex once a week, since I don't get it near that often now. I would be extremely happy with sex multiple time/week. I guess you always want what the other guy has...


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

For me sex releases hormones that make me feel close to my wife. Feeling close to my wife, when she bonds with me makes me very happy.

Is it the sex or is it what happens after the sex that makes me "happy." I would say it is what happens after the sex. 

That doesn't mean that the sex isn't a necessary precondition for my being very happy. I have also felt happy in other circumstance that didn't involve sex. Spending time with grandchildren I adore makes me happy. The unconditional love from a dog can make me happy. 

I hope that this helps provide a little more perspective.

As to frequency, once a week would not be enough for me at this point in my life. When my wife and I were in a sex starved marriage, I would have jumped at it. Twice a week for me (at this point in my life) the the bare minimum required for me to be very bonded to my wife and happy. Of course, if she were to do other things give me non-happy ending massages, and other stuff that also made me feel bonded to her, then I might be able to drop down to once a week. For me it is the feeling of closeness and connection that gives me happiness.


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## JamesTKirk (Sep 8, 2015)

Sex once a week keeps me sane and from becoming depressed. Less than that I get depressed that I'm simply not desired. After all, if I was desired she wouldn't want to go more than a week either.
The reality is that on average once a week is what I get.
True happiness is when we have sex every 3-4 days. More often would be nice, but I'm not sure it would make me significantly happier.
It's not just about sex, it's about the relationship. Without the sex, there is no passion and without the passion it's just a platonic friendship. Little disagreements turn into bigger disagreements when you're not getting the benefit of having sex together.

It seems all too frequently there is something like her period or some other medical issue that prevents us from having sex for up to 2 weeks (more on rare occasions) and that's just downright depressing.

So yeah, I totally agree. Once a week to be "content." I don't want to be content, I want to be happy.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

I would like to see how the questions in the survey were worded. Did they say, "What is the minimum frequency of sex for you to be content?" Or did they say, "What is the ideal frequency of sex for you to be content?"


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> I've never been able to separate the two, to have detached sex. My wife on the other hand can and has easily separated the two.


BINGO!! Mine treated it like something to cross off a "to do" list. Her mind was rarely there during it. "Blow up doll" sex isn't for me. She thought I should be happy with "get on, get in, get out, get off" and it became hurtful and quite insulting. A lot of guys, sex is sex, but I inherited the female "emotion" gene I guess?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

woundedwarrior said:


> BINGO!! Mine treated it like something to cross off a "to do" list. Her mind was rarely there during it. "Blow up doll" sex isn't for me. She thought I should be happy with "get on, get in, get out, get off" and it became hurtful and quite insulting. A lot of guys, sex is sex, but I inherited the female "emotion" gene I guess?


You would be surprised how many guys feel that sex is more than just sex :wink2:

Been there in the past with being part of the "to do list" though, provided enough motivation at the time to not want to do anything.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Heatherknows said:


> In the past 10 years I've probably had sex about 20 times. Actually we should take a poll. I might win for least sexual activity in the past 10 years.
> 
> (However...I did have a cyber boyfriend and had webcam sex many times but that was cheating and I can't count it.)


Not sure about the past ten years - I do know that we've had sex four times in five years.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Not sure about the past ten years - I do know that we've had sex four times in five years.


I really should write down how many times we have sex...or maybe I shouldn't it might be too depressing. :crying:


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## Spitfire (Jun 6, 2015)

My wife would SAY 3 times a week. Reality for me is 3-4 rejections per week lol. I've decided no sex is better than this ridiculous rejection game so I've stopped initiating at all. It's been 2 1/2 weeks now. She's finally realizing something's up. I'm starting to realize I don't really care.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> To me there is a difference between being "content" and being "happy". I would be content with sex once a week but I would be happy with sex multiple times per week (ideally with another person lol).
> 
> Also, the article states that engaging in regular sex is associated with happiness. *The question though, is the regular sex leading to happiness or is it happiness in other parts of your relationship that is leading to regular sex???*
> 
> ...


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

I could be content with good sex once a week, especially if other parts of the relationship were good. Especially if there were reasonable time constraints, like conflicting work schedules or small children, as long as there was effort to make time for each other. But when it's mediocre sex, or the reasons are lazy, i don't feel like it, headache reasons, then i am less content.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

My wife and I definitely need to find a way to be more consistent as we are very streaky (big part due to 3 young kids at home). Ideally somewhere b/w 2-4x a week would be great, but at the same token I rather not have sex just to make quota b/c at that point it starts to become more of a chore which isn't a good thing.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

During the first 10-15 years of marriage, sex once a week would have felt like a trap....I would not have been happy...


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

Sure, I like sex. I told my wife if she's going to be too tired for sex every day after work, please feel free to go back to working part time.

That said, if I'm stressed before having sex, I can have sex and feel lousy again within hours. 60 minutes of brisk walking, no the other hand, is awesome. 

Maybe there's a placebo effect. My doctor advised a moderate intensity, long duration workout for weight loss. My wife just can't endure sex at the duration and frequency I would need to lose 30 pounds. Oh well, we have a good sex life anyway, when her employer isn't working her to death.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

CatJayBird said:


> I don't know. I wish I did and could turn it back on. I have sex and enjoy the release and it's a stress reliever, but zero emotion from me. I don't know if it's the person I'm with or just me. I don't know if it's a protection measure my brain has imposed to keep my heart safe?? One of the things I'm working on in IC.


That was the sign that told me my marriage is toast. In the past seven years we went from a decent sex life to a horrid one and eventually I realized that sex with my wife of 30 years feels like an ONS.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> Sex once a week? Wouldn't work for me, but... OK....


:iagree:

Once a week would be totally unacceptable. At day 3 I'm quite antsy. At day 4 I'm downright grumpy. 

I find it easier to accept none than having once a week.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Heatherknows said:


> I really should write down how many times we have sex...or maybe I shouldn't it might be too depressing. :crying:



Record just the audio of Cesar Millan onto your phone. Set it as an alarm sound to go off around 4am. Place your phone underneath your pillow before you go to bed. 

*A girl can dream, and that counts!*

FYI... I think Cesar may actually have some audio books...

OK, I'll stop messing with you!

Cheers,
Badsanta


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Once a week would be totally unacceptable. At day 3 I'm quite antsy. At day 4 I'm downright grumpy.
> 
> I find it easier to accept none than having once a week.


I just recently became cognizant of the fact I start feeling a disconnect from my husband if we go too long between encounters. I get irritated or annoyed with him or conversations feel awkward. It's like all closeness starts melting away. It's weird.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I like sex and money, having lots of both makes me very happy. Lots of sex makes me feel good, safe and secure. Lots of money makes me feel good, safe and secure.

When I was in a sexless marriage had we got busy once a week life would have been great, I would have been happy forever. Now I am in a compatible relationship if sex went down to once a week it would not be acceptable.


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

For me once a week would be OK as long as it is consisten. The problem with my sex life is that I can easy get 2 times a week average in a span of 10 days, and then it is nothing till next month. The problem is not frequency per say, but consistency. I think consistent good sex is what makes us emotionally stable and to some degree happy. Feel of rejection and not knowing when next session will come is emotionally hard.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

badsanta said:


> Record just the audio of Cesar Millan onto your phone. Set it as an alarm sound to go off around 4am. Place your phone underneath your pillow before you go to bed.
> 
> *A girl can dream, and that counts!*
> 
> ...


LOL! Please find out it Cesar is gay. I NEED to know. :surprise:


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Holland said:


> I like sex and money, having lots of both makes me very happy. Lots of sex makes me feel good, safe and secure. Lots of money makes me feel good, safe and secure.
> 
> When I was in a sexless marriage had we got busy once a week life would have been great, I would have been happy forever. *Now I am in a compatible relationship if sex went down to once a week it would not be acceptable*.


This precisely parallels my experience and present attitude and situation. And we both feel the same about it.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Heatherknows said:


> LOL! Please find out it Cesar is gay. I NEED to know. :surprise:


Why would it matter? He is alive and well and straight in your fantasy world, which is where he will always be anyway, so it's not like he's going to come find you and take you away to be his love puppet...he can be what ever you want him to be.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> Why would it matter? He is alive and well and straight in your fantasy world, which is where he will always be anyway, so it's not like he's going to come find you and take you away to be his love puppet...he can be what ever you want him to be.


...so does that mean you think he's gay? :crying:

I know it shouldn't matter if he is or isn't because it's all fantasy. But for some reason just knowing he likes men instead of women makes him a less sexual person to me. I guess that's why gay actors hide the fact that they're gay.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Sex is the glue that binds a couple together. It is for most of us the one thing in the world that you do not share with anyone else. The absence of sex makes the bound weaken. My bound with my ex was pretty much fractured when she told me she was so busy she didn't have time to think about it (sex). That was in response to me being upset that it had been three weeks. Yeah, I really felt the love at that moment


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Heatherknows said:


> LOL! Please find out it Cesar is gay. I NEED to know. :surprise:


Seriously @Heatherknows 

He is like ALWAYS on Grindr and trying to hook up with me!


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

Right now, once a week is a pretty good amount for me. Twice is better, but once is fine. More than three times per week is just too much for me.

But there is no quick sex in my relationship, sessions are usually 1.5 or 2 hours, so we go with quality over quantity. Doing that every other night would be a little tiring after a while.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

badsanta said:


> Seriously @Heatherknows
> 
> He is like ALWAYS on Grindr and trying to hook up with me!


...crap.

(Did you say yes?)

:crying:
:nerd:


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

Heatherknows said:


> nd trying to hook up with me!


...crap.

(Did you say yes?)

[/QUOTE]

He's married and divorced a woman, and is dating a woman, so he's probably not gay. Maybe bisexual, but that still wouldn't rule you out.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

> He's married and divorced a woman, and is dating a woman, so he's probably not gay. Maybe bisexual, but that still wouldn't rule you out.


I don't think there is such a thing as being bisexual for a man. The penis and the vagina are just too different.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

Heatherknows said:


> I don't think there is such a thing as being bisexual for a man. The penis and the vagina are just too different.


LMAO, there are definitely bisexual men. I know at least two.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Heatherknows said:


> ...so does that mean you think he's gay? :crying:
> 
> I know it shouldn't matter if he is or isn't because it's all fantasy. But for some reason just knowing he likes men instead of women makes *him a less sexual person to me.* I guess that's why gay actors hide the fact that they're gay.


And him being a sexual person matters to you precisely why?

I'm going to be blunt and honest with my opinion here...for someone who has already proven themselves susceptible to wandering beyond their wedding vows in the fantasy land of the cybersphere, many of the things you have said across this forum make it seem as if you like to mentally play with fire, which is what got you into your cyber affair in the first place. Frankly, it does not seem as if you have really learned an appropriate thought process or put in strong boundaries to control your impulses that have gotten you into marital trouble.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

larry.gray said:


> I find it easier to accept none than having once a week.


Agreed, I rather know nothing is going to happen and move on then hoping something will happen and nada. Even worse for me, having sex which gets me in the mood for more sex, only to not have anything happen for weeks after.



soccermom2three said:


> I just recently became cognizant of the fact I start feeling a disconnect from my husband if we go too long between encounters. I get irritated or annoyed with him or conversations feel awkward. It's like all closeness starts melting away. It's weird.


I think this is normal, or at least to me it is since it is spot on describing me as well. IDK, to me all could be well in my marriage (which it is) but I lose the closeness if we are not having sex, to the point where I start to feel like I am living with a roommate and not my SO. My wife can clearly see the difference in my interaction with her when we are having regular sex vs. not.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

That is definitely true and if it's just "physical" sex, going through the motions, that does nothing for closeness. I'm pretty sure my wife would "let me" a couple times a week, but it wouldn't change our relationship. I went along with it for a long time, thinking eventually it would become beneficial, but it became another task, like showering or brushing your teeth.

Our relationship is no better or worse going without and it's been a lot easier on my heart strings now. Having sex with her now would be pretty uncomfortable, which is a sign that I've crossed to the other side. At least we are on the same side now and the tug o war is finally over


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> And him being a sexual person matters to you precisely why?
> 
> I'm going to be blunt and honest with my opinion here...for someone who has already proven themselves susceptible to wandering beyond their wedding vows in the fantasy land of the cybersphere, many of the things you have said across this forum make it seem as if you like to mentally play with fire, which is what got you into your cyber affair in the first place. Frankly, it does not seem as if you have really learned an appropriate thought process or put in strong boundaries to control your impulses that have gotten you into marital trouble.


So you think I'm going to meet Cesar Milan and have a torrid affair with him?

(You must have really liked my pictures.>)


All kidding aside. You seem intelligent enough but from your posts you do seem to sort of hate women who are able to seduce men. Perhaps I remind you a bit of your ex-wife or maybe you're just in a bad mood so I'll give you a break and leave this alone.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Heatherknows said:


> So you think I'm going to meet Cesar Milan and have a torrid affair with him?
> 
> (You must have really liked my pictures.>)
> 
> ...


I haven't seen your pictures, so no opinion there.

Not really sure where you are seeing that I hate on women who are able to seduce men...perhaps you could show me how I have given you that impression.

And nah, you don't really remind me of my ex wife.


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

john117 said:


> That was the sign that told me my marriage is toast. In the past seven years we went from a decent sex life to a horrid one and eventually I realized that sex with my wife of 30 years feels like an ONS.


:frown2: This is my fear...


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Heatherknows said:


> I don't think there is such a thing as being bisexual for a man. The penis and the vagina are just too different.


My cousin was married for a decade and then "came out of the closet" saying he was gay. 

He then entered into a 5 year relationship with a guy. Then he decided that he missed the vajayjay and wanted to try out a woman once in a while. The guy cousin was with said nope, no way. They broke up. Kinda a shame because the guy he was with is really a great guy.

Now cousin is with a woman and they are "open" to bringing another guy in on a regular basis. I can't think of being more Bi than that!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Once a week would be dandy, provided the quality and engagement are there. Without those, once a day would still be insufficient.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Most wives would prefer once a week, if it was a week on Venus. That's 1701 earth days.


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

I've basically quit having sex except when it's unavoidable. Sex once a week made me miserable, I need more frequency than that. Just giving it up has been so much better than having sex just enough to keep you strung along.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

larry.gray said:


> My cousin was married for a decade and then "came out of the closet" saying he was gay.
> 
> He then entered into a 5 year relationship with a guy. Then he decided that he missed the vajayjay and wanted to try out a woman once in a while. The guy cousin was with said nope, no way. They broke up. Kinda a shame because the guy he was with is really a great guy.
> 
> Now cousin is with a woman and they are "open" to bringing another guy in on a regular basis. I can't think of being more Bi than that!


Yeah...that does sound bi. I read an article about the subject that said they can't, some kind of experiment was done but people are so confusing maybe they can.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'd hesitate to believe anybody who tries to tell you what feelings people aren't capable of.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

I'd be estatic is we had sex once a week. My husbands libido has declined over the years do to some physical aliments and he is content having sex once every couple of months. I'd like it once a week so we usually end up having sex once a month.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Fozzy said:


> I'd hesitate to believe anybody who tries to tell you what feelings people aren't capable of.


QFT
We need more options on TAM. In this instance, there is no I REALLY LIKE button.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> I'd hesitate to believe anybody who tries to tell you what feelings people aren't capable of.


True enough. But my thoughts are this if a man claims he's bi he probably prefers men to women and will always gravitate towards the man. He may have feelings for women but his deep desires can only be satisfied by a male which is why if Caesar Milan is gay my attraction towards him decreases.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

Heatherknows said:


> True enough. But my thoughts are this if a man claims he's bi he probably prefers men to women and will always gravitate towards the man. He may have feelings for women but his deep desires can only be satisfied by a male which is why if Caesar Milan is gay my attraction towards him decreases.


I don't think it's that simple. You fall in love with a whole person, not just their naughty bits. People get this idea that bisexuality is just about sex, but it's really about who you fall in love with.

In other words, I'm not straight because I like ****s. I'm straight because most of the people I fall in love with happen to have a **** attached.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

Maybe it's just a matter of semantics, but if someone has feelings for women and also desires men, that makes them bisexual. They might like different things about the two genders, but they still like both.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

NoSizeQueen said:


> Maybe it's just a matter of semantics, but if someone has feelings for women and also desires men, that makes them bisexual. They might like different things about the two genders, but they still like both.


I have no idea how it actually works. I'm a straight female. But if I was single and met a bi male who swears I was enough I wouldn't believe him and suspect he'd always have a hunger for a male.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> I might think I would be happier having wild sex in a motel 6 than a sexless vacation in a $3000/night hotel, but that might not actually be true in reality.


I have taken several very expensive vacations with H2 in which we did not have sex. They were awful. The 1 afternoon in 23 years we spent at Motel 6 having sex and ordering in pizza was better by far than any of the expensive vacations.

So rest assured, you would be happier at Motel 6. :wink2:


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

I don't consider myself bi, but I'm definitely flexible. My guy is enough. When I've been with girls, they were enough. It's more about the emotion. To me, a satisfying sex life doesn't require one specific set of tools... there's lots of ways to get the job done.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Heatherknows said:


> I know what you mean about the release. But I cannot separate sex and emotions AT ALL. I know men can do it but few women. Maybe you're just jaded at this point.


I know more women than men that separate sex from emotion. 

I'm one of them. I've only had sex with one partner where emotion was involved and I'm married to him. Everyone else was just casual sex for the sake of sex and nothing more. I liked being able to have great sex without having to bother with getting or being emotionally attached.

Sex with DH is kind of a combo platter. Sometimes it's all about the closeness. Sometimes, it's just about the physical pleasure and that's all. If we need or want emotional closeness we can cuddle after or something.




woundedwarrior said:


> BINGO!! Mine treated it like something to cross off a "to do" list. Her mind was rarely there during it. "Blow up doll" sex isn't for me. She thought I should be happy with "get on, get in, get out, get off" and it became hurtful and quite insulting. A lot of guys, sex is sex, but I inherited the female "emotion" gene I guess?


There is a difference between detached sex and disinterested sex. What you describe sounds like disinterested sex. Detached sex is all about having the best physical experience possible without any emotional entanglements.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Heatherknows said:


> In the past 10 years I've probably had sex about 20 times. Actually we should take a poll. I might win for least sexual activity in the past 10 years.
> 
> (However...I did have a cyber boyfriend and had webcam sex many times but that was cheating and I can't count it.)


I think it was 4, maybe 5 times in the last 10 years with my XW. 

Catching up well though in 2nd marriage. :grin2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Only on TAM can a conversation about having sex once a week turn into a conversation about being bi lol 

All I know, I have a two day winning streak so ...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Depends on your main love language and sex drive.


Since I am Physical rating 12 and HD adventurous, I could have sex every day and even multiple times a day if I'm really in the mood.

Realistically, I could have sex 1 - 3x every 2nd day.

So day 1 - no sex, only talking, cuddling and doing things together

day 2- sex 1 - 3x

day 3 - no sex

day 4 - sex 1 - 3x

Etc.


Sex 1 - 2x month I get out my pocket p$ssy as relief.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> Only on TAM can a conversation about having sex once a week turn into a conversation about being bi lol
> 
> All I know, I have a two day winning streak so ...


I think it's my fault. I'm obsessed with Caesar's potential gay status. No more Caesar Talk on the "Sex once a week" thread.

I promise.0


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

CuddleBug said:


> Sex 1 - 2x month I get out my pocket p$ssy as relief.


TMI :nerd:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Heatherknows said:


> I think it's my fault. I'm obsessed with Caesar's potential gay status. No more Caesar Talk on the "Sex once a week" thread.
> 
> I promise.0


No worries, I know a guy named Caesar and am now wondering if he is gay/bi lol


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

MJJEAN said:


> I know more women than men that separate sex from emotions.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I could handle detached sex, if not for my curse and the fact that it sucked for years anyway.
I do think at the end of the day I would rather have a content marriage with no sex, than a crappy one with mind blowing sex. You will be out of bed more than in, unless you're millionaire retirees, then all bets are off. lol


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

NoSizeQueen said:


> Right now, once a week is a pretty good amount for me. Twice is better, but once is fine. More than three times per week is just too much for me.
> 
> But there is no quick sex in my relationship, sessions are usually 1.5 or 2 hours, so we go with quality over quantity. Doing that every other night would be a little tiring after a while.


Quick sex can be great quality sex. We have our fair share of both and sometimes the quickies are really amazing. Strangely I actually find it very bonding because the passion can be quite high, I have to have you now sort of thing. Other times it is because we are super busy but just have to connect, then get up and continue on with whatever we were doing with a very big smile.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

Holland said:


> Quick sex can be great quality sex. We have our fair share of both and sometimes the quickies are really amazing. Strangely I actually find it very bonding because the passion can be quite high, I have to have you now sort of thing. Other times it is because we are super busy but just have to connect, then get up and continue on with whatever we were doing with a very big smile.


Oh, I agree! I'm not against it at all. But my boyfriend has some ED issues, and quickies just don't work for him.

But it's okay, i take a while to finish anyway, and we both like a lot of cuddles after, so it works for us. 

I spent many years having a lot of unsatisfying sex. So having a lower quantity of really good sex is definitely fine with me!!


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

funny, while I was at the gym this morning they were talking about this study/article on the radio. One of the DJs ( a female) said she was happy with sex 1x a week and that is all they had time for. They called her husband and asked him if he was happy with sex 1x a week, and there was about a 15 second pause before he answered the question lol. Safe to say his version of "happy" wasn't quite on par with her version.

I wonder, does once a week mean every 7 days or once during the week (so in theory if you assume the week goes from Mon to Sun, if you have sex on Monday of the first week but don't have sex again until the following Sunday of the 2nd week you technically had sex 1x a week even though in reality it is closer to 14 days apart. Also, if you agree to sex 1x a week, does that mean once you meet the quota you just cross it off your to do list until the following week???


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