# Verbal Abuse



## BellasMommy (Apr 8, 2010)

Just wanted some advice on verbal abuse.

Whenever we argue he calls me names (usually something about me being and idiot) or talks about how he wants to punch me in the face or kill me. I don't understand why he has to say these things when he gets mad, and I know he doesn't mean it so I try to ignore it, but the comments really hurt! Then of course 5 minutes after the argument he is all Mr. Happy and I am still upset because of the things he said...

I'm not sure where I am in our marriage, sometimes I am happy to be with him, and sometimes I wonder if I'd be happier without him. And sometimes I don't even know if I'm still in the marriage because I love him, or because I'm afraid I won't find someone else better. I feel like I think I can find someone more suited for me, but the grass is always greener on the other side.

He has never physically abused me and I don't feel that he would ever actually do any of the things he says. But it still hurts that he says them. I'm scared that sometimes I feel like I don't love him.

Is there any hope for us or am I just delaying the inevitable? Sometimes I feel like this will end in divorce and I'm just here because I'm here. We have a 5 month old, so it's really hard to even think about divorce... I don't even know. We have so many problems...


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## maemayon (Mar 10, 2010)

Get out while u can before it destroys u. My husband was verbally abusive off and on for 75% of our marriage. He only calmed down when the kids came.

But what's going to happen when the kids leave? You don't want to be in my shoes. Leave!!


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## jitterbug (Feb 13, 2010)

Threatening you with physical violence is almost as bad as actually doing it.

it's a way to control you....via "the invisible fist".

There's always going to be this undercurrent of "there'll be hell to pay, if you don't do, think, and act like I say...."

Once a person has established "the invisible fist" and instilled that fear in you, they can cut you down or stop in your in your tracks with just a look.

Do you want to spend your life cowering, and flinching? Tip-toeing around in fear of upsetting him? Afraid to express any of your own feelings for fear that might bring his wrath upon you?

By the way, emotional abuse can be even more devastating than physical abuse..it can leave deeper scars that take years to heal. It can erode your self-esteem to the point where it will take years to rebuild it.

No-one, but no-one deserves that. Not you, and not your child.

Please do some reading on the subject............knowledge is power. Patricia Evan wrote a book called, _Verbal Abuse_ ,I'd highly recommend it. 

I'm going to post a link to a site that may be helpful to you.
I wish you my best..........

Stop the Roller Coaster...I'm Getting Off...

if you scroll down to the bottom right side of this page on this link, there's links to numerous sites which could be helpful to you


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## katesmama79 (Apr 8, 2010)

My husband has become verbally abusive to everyone in our house including the kids. Nothing we ever do is up to par, I'm worn out. My kids are just biding their time until they are old enough to leave. If he does it to you, he will do it to them and that's not fair. I am fighting to figure a way out of my circumstance, but it seems impossible. If can get help, take it. Something has to change before your child or potentially children are put in the same situation mine are in.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I got married 28 years ago with a dream to have a happy family of four kids two boys and two girls live as family and grow old together
I have Four kids as i wanted they are wonderful kids 

I have experienced AND MY KIDS TOO all forms off emotional abuse including verbal abuse
In my country the man has more rights and if i leave marriage he can take my kids
Let me tell you something you can also read it in any site about abuse 
"Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you."
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships
I will leave you some information from this site

"Understanding emotional abuse

The aim of emotional abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship or that without your abusive partner you have nothing.

Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence or other repercussions if you don’t do what they want. 

You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so"

If you want to read more go ahead and visit it and you can't picture how many books i have read and how many sites i have visited and as much as i know i should leave as much as i try hard to do more things to help fix the marriage that i kept it for 28 years i can't handle anymore to live like that I am now with full knowledge about the kind of life i was living and my kids too i don't want to go in mire details it will take pages but what i want to share with you is i am still undecided to leave i have now all the rights and even i have the power now i still want my dream to stay as family and find a way to help him to change which i don't believe it will happen and i am the abused person who is still paying the consequences of not being able to take this decision some of my story i already post it and i feel what you are feeling
Hopefully you found answers and you are able to decide what is the right to be done for you and your child 
One more think i use to think like you that i won't find better than him in life and this one of the abuse result losing confidence self esteem self worthiness........
And as turnera advice me it applies for you too if you decided to leave you need to find psychologist to help you not to fall in another abusive relationship in the future
I am ready to share more about my experience with you if you feel you need that
Good luck


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