# Loss of friends after divorce



## rebuilding72 (Oct 23, 2013)

I'm not sure if anyone else is going/gone through this but I can't seem to let it go and it hurts deeply. My ex and I separated in May after several bad years of marriage. It was mutual and we both agreed to date others. While he was out trying to sleep with anything, I was on a dating site where I met my current boyfriend. Yes i was dating him before my divorce was final while my ex was also dating women as well. I had some really great friends who were there for me during some pretty rough times. Cherished their friendship. However since I started dating someone from another town and wasn't divorced, my friends turned on me. One friend told me that she took her wedding vows seriously and that it wasn't christian to be with someone while your still married. Another friend met my current boyfriend and her comment was "he's nice, but he's just not what I would expect you to date". Now while my ex-husband is bashing these friends (they were mutual friends of ours) to me, he is hanging out with them and having a wonderful time. My ex is now dating a girl he went to high school with who knows these friends since we all went to school together (small town). So seeing the facebook pictures and comments just breaks my heart. he was dating her before the divorce was final as well. I just don't understand why my friends turned on me and hang out with my ex who bashes them left and right and always did. The sad thing is... my ex and I get along great, we talk about our bf/gf and discuss issues with our daughter with no conflict. Has anyone else gone through this and how do you get over it?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You should tell your "Christian" ex-friend that "Christians" don't judge others (remember the part of "lest yee be judged"?) and instead should offer support and witnessing.

Also "let no man put asunder what God joined together" - uh, your HUSBAND was already screwing other people after you separated so he was the one to broke apart what God joined.

Sounds like what you thought were good friends were only being two-faced and self-serving. That's a disappointment but not a loss. They were apparently only supportive to you during difficult times when they thought your situation was worthy. Not when they disagree with you.

They may be having fun together but they don't realize they are talking about each other behind one another's backs! What kind of friendship do they REALLY have? Not the kind of friendship you want.

Keep the sincere friends. Forget the judgmental ones. It's one thing to tell a friend you don't agree with their choices but you love them anyway. We don't have to agree to care. But to abandon you because they don't agree isn't truly caring friendship.


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## rebuilding72 (Oct 23, 2013)

THank you enjoliWoman! I needed to hear that!!! I tried to make amends with my friend even after her judging, her response was "TO have a good life". I feel hurt that my friendship didn't mean that much to her, but you are correct, why have a friendship based on judging  Thanks for making me feel better!!!


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Get. Off. Facebook.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I'm not religious anymore at all so I'm not coming from that position but my prospective is they have every right to not agree with someone dating anyone while they are still married. That goes for you and your x husband. In the end , under a lot of circumstances, mutual friends will have to choose a side eventually. Kinda just the way it goes it seems.



In my divorce all of our mutual friends sided with me cause they thought her a terrible person to abandon not only me but our kids for a married man. Many of her personal friends also dumped her because of what she did. 

So in the end I got the friends, she got to keep her mother and sister....this was perfection in my book.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Wolf1974 said:


> I'm not religious anymore at all so I'm not coming from that position but my prospective is they have every right to not agree with someone dating anyone while they are still married.


True. When I was younger, it was the norm not to date while still technically married, but it seems that has changed. They do have the right to that opinion. We just have to do what we feel comfortable with.


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