# Cheating Spouse



## countrygirl41 (Jun 20, 2013)

Hi, I'm new here,just need someone to speak with. Here's my story. I have been married for 7 yrs to a wonderful man so I thought. Recently I found out that my has been cheating with my neighbor. I confronted both of them, but of course they denied it.

I checked his email and foudn several exchanges saying how much they loved each other and the " God" placed them together. I'm a little confused as to how God will place a married man and a single women together. My husband says the marriage is over and he would have left me yrs ago if it wasnt for out daugther. I'm devasted and hurt. I don't know where to start or where to go from here.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Go to infidelity sub forum on this site.


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## Converser (Jun 29, 2013)

I've never beene married and been cheated on, but I moved up to Wisconsin from Ohio for a girl a long time ago and she ended up cheating on my and leaving me for someone else who she's now been married to. So all-in-all that's my experience on it personally...

In my opinion...

It's going to depend on what your gut and heart wants. If you're absolutely positive they cheated, do you think you can ever forgive him even if he shows that he wants to be with you in the long run? In the end, what's going to make you the happiest realistically?

Love to me is about being completely satisfied with the person you've made that promise to be with forever too. And what i mean is that you want no more or less than who they are. You love them for everything...their perfections and imperfections.

I hope you figure it out. Personally I think if I found out if my spouse cheated I don't think I could emotionally take on the burden of trusting them any longer, but then again I've never been exactly in that situation either.


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

Hi Countrygirl, 

I am so sorry you are in this situation. I would be devastated to. I don't think that God brought them together either... more like his penis and her lack of morals... 

Based on what you are saying he said, It doesn't sound like he wants or is interested in continuing in the marriage with you. I think its time to let him go... 

you can start by reminding yourself that you and your child deserve better than his lying cheating ***. Then tell him he needs to move out and start the divorce process... 

You now have evidence of an affair. Get yourself a killer attorney, ask for alimony and child support... 

Also, take a look at the 180 method... I found this but you can google it or search for it on here. lots of people on here talk about it.

Here is what I found in an article online:

"Several years ago, Michelle Wiener Davis, the author of Divorce Busting, introduced a concept to the world of infidelity that is designed to help you and your partner move forward in the healing of your relationship.

It is my suggestion that any new betrayed partner implement these behaviors immediately. They aren't designed to make you look good or your partner bad. They are, however, a means of protection for the betrayed. They also empower the betrayed to face their new world with dignity and bravery. They appear stronger to the wayward partner and at this point in time, that is exactly what you want to portray.

This list was originally titled, "The 180" and it won't take you long to figure out why. What you are actually doing is a complete 180 degree rotation in your actions and attitude. You no longer are a weeping sack of sorrow. Suddenly, you appear strong, happy, independent, and quite capable of making it on your own.

The 180

1. Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.

2. No frequent phone calls.

3. Don't point out "good points" in marriage.

4. Don't follow her/him around the house.

5. Don't encourage or initiate discussion about the future.

6. Don't ask for help from the family members of your wayward partner.

7. Don't ask for reassurances.

8. Don't buy or give gifts.

9. Don't schedule dates together.

10. Don't keep saying, "I Love You!" Because if you really think about it, he/she is, at this particular moment, not very loveable.

11. Do more than act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!

12. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.

13. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!

14. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don't push any issue, no matter how much you want to!

15. If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.

16. Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that "they (the wayward partner)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack there of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life...with out them!

17. Don't be nasty, angry or even cold - Just pull yourself back. Don't always be so available...for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you're missing.

18. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment? Make yourself be someone they would want to be around, not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.

19. All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!

20. Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control? YOURSELF!

21. Don't be overly enthusiastic.

22. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!

23. Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you? HEAR what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!

24. Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.

25. Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.

26. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.

27. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.

28. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.

29. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It's not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don't care!

30. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.

31. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It "ain't over till it's over!"

32. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.

33. When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don't work out with the affair partner.


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## JasonKaven (Oct 24, 2014)

What's a pity! Don't think too much about the email content they sent to each other! Those are all lies! He is with you, will tell you that you are the only one he loved, but he betrayed, he will speak that to another woman. Don't you think God will love a cheating man, too stupid, they just cheat on themselves. I know you are hurt deeply, but if you want to get back something, you need to collect some evidence about your cheating husband. iKeyMonitor(ikeymonitor.com/download), a free phone tracking app may help you, I used that before on my ex-boyfriend phone and find out all the truth, and leave him asap! I felt so happy and relax.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Afternoon. Be thankful you found out now. I was with my ex (kids dad) 7 years when i found out he was cheating on me, I was devastated and like you i thought the sun shone out his arse, God was i wrong.

It was not till after i left him i found out there was more of them.... be glad you have found him for what he is. Hes a git, hes told you he would have left you ages ago and that he stayed for the kids... at least now you can move on and find someone else that deserves you.. just like i did.

You deserve better.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

zombie thread, 2013....


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> zombie thread, 2013....


Why does this Keep happening.... Been a few of these lately.


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