# Wife is always tired, should I be worried if we have kids?



## ptomczyk11 (Feb 9, 2015)

Hi,

My wife constantly complains about being tired. She goes to bed early (e.g. 10pm) and then gets up for work around 7am; she then usually gets home around 6pm. It doesn't bother me now because we have no children, but I get nervous thinking about how the future will be with kids.

I can function fine with 5-6 hours a sleep a day and I go all day/night without ever really being dead tired.

The reason I'm nervous is she's the type that if she doesn't go to be early she CANNOT function the next day. If she goes to be late she gets anxiety and she is also a very light sleeper; so she doesn't sleep that well to begin with...and the next day she is just cranky and still tired.

I don't have kids but based on the people I know who do have kids "sleep is a luxury"; I just don't want to end up having kids and her be a complete mess because she can't function without sleep.

Has anyone experienced something similar with their spouse who constantly says their tired?

Thank you!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Yes. You should be worried. Babies are not for the faint of heart.

Your wife gets 9 hours of sleep but is still exhausted. Not normal. She should have a complete physical, blood work including thyroid and hormones.

Is she overweight? Does she exercise? Healthy diet? What is her height and weight? Does she work full-time? Any health issues? We need way more info.

OTOH, your 5-6 hours sleep isn't exactly normal either. Most people don't function well at that level. Don't expect her to be Super Mom with 5-6 hours of sleep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I'm not sure I'd say 10 is really "early." Not everyone functions on 5 hours of sleep chronically.

But, she might need a sleep study if blood tests don't show anything, and even if they do. Sleeping normal hours and still being dead tires is a sign of apnea, does she snore? Or, she might need a prescription.

But please, please, please don't say you want her to get this checked or you are second guessing kids with her. The soul crush might never go away.

Is part of the problem you want to stay up later but her wanting to turn in affects sex? Do you guys not have sec often if she's always tired?


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

my wife is a light sleeper and if she doesn't get a good night's sleep she too can be pretty groggy and listless the next day. A few nights of that and she can be pretty off into lala land.

We had a baby who is now 15 months old and yes, sleep can sometimes be scarce. But she stepped up and the mom genes kicked in. She is great with our little man. And when her sleep has been erratic, well, that's when I take on the bulk of the baby care. In fact we try to share the night duties so it doesn't become too much of a burden for either. However she breast feeds and not much I can do late at night with that. Some use bottles so Dad can share in the fun but we just didn't go that route. Since I work and she is a SAHM I usually take the night duty on week ends and she handles it during the week.

To cut to the chase, my wife has many of the same sleep attributes the OP described in his wife. We have a baby and are doing fine. Of course these things can be fairly idiosyncratic and what works for one may not work for another so proceed with caution.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I don't think 10 is abnormally early, but I also would consider being able to sleep until 7 really sleeping in. But, that's just my normal sleeping pattern. I usually sleep about 10-5:30 or so.

Some people just require more sleep and can't function without it. My sister is like this, although she's a total night owl and sleeps in every day. She's quite fortunate that her husband gets up with the kids and they both work from home. 

I think you will need to be prepared to definitely pull your weight if you have a baby. Don't be expecting to sleep all through the night if she's not.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

If her exhaustion is "normal", then you're dealing with her normal sleep pattern. I know personally I get about 6-7 hours of sleep (10ish-5ish), but I am definitely not a "morning" person, it takes me a while to get going in the morning. Of course, I'm also 50 now, so I don't expect to have the energy I had when I was 18. 

If this exhaustion is abnormal for her, then the complete blood workup is in order, and I would add to that a test for Lyme disease. My SO is definitely a morning person with limitless energy, but would find herself exhausted in the afternoon to the point she would have to take a nap. It wasn't normal for her. I recommended when she go to the doctor she have a lyme test, and sure enough, she has Lyme, even though she never recalls being bitten by a tick. A month on doxy made her feel much better, until it came back again a few months ago.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Problem is you never really know. My girls, both of them, within one week of being home slept 5-6 hours straight at night. 6 hours is about as much sleep as I ever get. Within just a few months they both slept through the night. They have always been better sleepers than me.

As far as your wife goes again you never know. People can and will step up in weird ways when you don't expect them to. She may become super mom with lots of energy on very little sleep. People adapt to their situation. She is sleeping 9-10 hours now because she can. When she can't you really don't know how she will react. Plus you need to make a schedule that works for both of you. So maybe that means one night you get up all night. Maybe you're a late to bed person so you feed the baby late and she gets up early. 

I get your worried but I bet this works out better than you think.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
babies take a tremendous unbelievable amount of effort. If she finds life too tiring without them then please don't have children.

There may be a medical cause for her exhaustion, in which case it may well be fixable.


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## pleasecoffee (Jun 18, 2015)

10 is early??? I'm usually in bed at 930 and sleep until 630. I need the sleep or I am a bear to deal with. But when I had my boys (twins) I managed to deal with it. But it helped that by husband at the time and me tag teamed the children. you will need to help.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ptomczyk11 said:


> Hi,
> 
> My wife constantly complains about being tired. She goes to bed early (e.g. 10pm) and then gets up for work around 7am; she then usually gets home around 6pm. It doesn't bother me now because we have no children, but I get nervous thinking about how the future will be with kids.
> 
> ...


Get her to the doc. This was my wife about 4 years ago... just before she was diagnosed w/ MS.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I agree with the others who have said she needs to get to a Dr. for a full physical and blood work. Needing 9 hours of sleep a night is at the high end of normal. If you have kids, she just isn't going to get that for years. It doesn't sound like she could function.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

In addition to blood tests, have her checked for depression. Constant tiredness is a symptom.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Starstarfish said:


> *Sleeping normal hours and still being dead tires is a sign of apnea,* does she snore? Or, she might need a prescription.


 @Starstarfish:

It's also a sign of low vitamin B-12, low vitamins B-3 and B-6, low vitamins A & D, low vitamin C, low calcium and/or magnesium, re-activated Epstein Barr virus, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, food intolerances, auto-immune disorders, thyroid problems, hormonal imbalances, just to name a few.

Don't get hung up on any one "diagnosis".

A complete work-up and health/immune system overhaul is in order. Eating "clean". Exercising. Stretching. Biofeedback/Stress Reduction therapy. Regular sleep habits. Losing (or gaining) weight as needed. Proper vitamin supplementation.

And the list goes on...

An appointment with her GP with extensive labwork is in order. Perhaps a referral to appropriate specialists...


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

If she wants a certain amount of sleep, and wants to be a mother, and wants to work 7-6, she cannot have all of these things.

There are 3 things potentially to give up. You two as a couple should jointly decide what your priorities are.


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

Newborns generally only sleep for 2-4 hour stretches overnight in the beginning. It is exhausting. There's no way to know how your wife would deal with it. However, after 6 or 7 weeks, my two older kids were sleeping 10 hours at night. So it got much better.

On the other hand, my 9 month old twins didn't start sleeping through the night until two months ago. It was ridiculous how tired my DH and I were. Brutal!


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

You are expecting to parent the children too, right? Because if she is a SAHM or if she works, you are not exempt.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

According to my FitBit I sleep about 6 hours a day. I'm 55 and can function pretty well... 

Start her with a sleep study then go from there. Don't go the baby route as you may get a baby like my older daughter., she slept thru the night at 5 years of age


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

You should read this thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/277826-help-my-wife-unemployed-lazy.html


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