# Financial recovery after divorce.



## southbound

For those who pay or paid child support, did you manage to be financially stable while paying? I've been paying child support for 6 plus years, and while I'm far from starving, I just can't seem to feel like I'm able to have a little extra in the wallet. On the other hand, the x has added a three car garage, pool, workout room, you name it. 
I have a great relationship with my kids, and they think it's crazy too. 
Personally, I think the current child support laws are a bit outdated as a blanket policy that fits all, but I guess that's another topic. 

Anyway, did you manage to move on while paying child support?


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## Marc878

I suspect until CS ends or you're able to secure a higher paying position you're stuck for now.

Sounds like you're in an area where there isn't a lot of room for upward movement in your field.

However, if you didn't get 50/50 and your children being older would want that this could be an option.

How old are the kids?


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## southbound

Marc878 said:


> I suspect until CS ends or you're able to secure a higher paying position you're stuck for now.
> 
> Sounds like you're in an area where there isn't a lot of room for upward movement in your field.
> 
> However, if you didn't get 50/50 and your children being older would want that this could be an option.
> 
> How old are the kids?


One has already aged out. In my state, it ends at 18, and I only have 3 years left with the other one. It's been going on, however, for 7 years. 

I don't think there is a rational person out there who has a problem with paying money to make sure their kids have what they need. The problem is with the idea of writing a big check and handing it to someone to do with whatever they want. 

My kids even think it's crazy. My daughter says her mom buys whatever she wants for herself, but if my daughter wants something, it's like she's asking for a lung.


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## Ynot

OP, while I can see why it is disheartening to see your ex thrive while you struggle, you should know that it isn't permanent and in the end it will be your ex who sees who sees her way of life come to screeching halt, while yours will take off. I have a friend who is dating a selfish entitled alimony princess. She proudly boasts of how she only dated doctors before she met my friend (he is an engineer and more unfortunately he is also a nice guy who is being used). She had four kids, she was getting mega bucks in CS and alimony from her ex, the doctor. Now one by one the kids are coming of age and her support is decreasing. Well she hadn't though about the future. So she bought a house on the golf course because she deserved it (in her mind), so as the support dwindles and finally stops she now realizes that she can't afford the good life anymore and so she is desperate to sell her house. Your ex will hit the wall when your CS stops. Your life will take off like a rocket when all that extra cash starts flowing your way. Stay strong. With only three years left, I wouldn't throw away any good money hiring a lawyer, whatever you might save in CS will all go the attorney and then some.


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## NextTimeAround

What's your ex's situation that makes things so lopsided?

Did she remarry? Does she work in a field that is generally higher paying than yours?


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## SunCMars

A man paying child support is a moral must. And help them with college money and wedding costs, if he can afford it.

The wife? Women are supposed to be equals. No alimony. Let her fetch her own water. If the women is disabled or with other mitigating circumstances, "maybe". And alimony makes sense if the women needs a little time to get on her feet...maybe a year, or so.

Same goes for a women paying alimony to a man. 

We ain't our brothers keepers....unless we choose to be.

But, "woulda, shoulda, coulda" has no stock in the company. No voting rights.


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## Diana7

When I was a single mum and got child support for the youngest child, I was living below the poverty line. I had to lose my house because I couldn't afford the mortgage, and all of the money I got went on food and basic bills. Maybe you need legal advice if the money isn't going on the child. Perhaps it could be put into an account that is controlled by a third party that she can only use if its specifically for the child. 
I wonder how she will manage when it stops?


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## LostinMO

I was paying child support. Company sent my job to Mexico. I was able to continue paying. I voluntarily wrote a check each month so they never had to come after me or garnish my wages. I made it thru. Child support has ended. So hang in there and make sure that if obligations are not being met on their end, that you take appropriate measures to get it ended too.


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## Marc878

southbound said:


> One has already aged out. In my state, it ends at 18, and I only have 3 years left with the other one. It's been going on, however, for 7 years.
> 
> I don't think there is a rational person out there who has a problem with paying money to make sure their kids have what they need. The problem is with the idea of writing a big check and handing it to someone to do with whatever they want.
> 
> My kids even think it's crazy. My daughter says her mom buys whatever she wants for herself, but if my daughter wants something, it's like she's asking for a lung.


Unfortunately it's tough to control how CS is spent. Do you have 50/50? I suspect not. Can you get that now?


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## NextTimeAround

Marc878 said:


> Unfortunately it's tough to control how CS is spent. Do you have 50/50? I suspect not. Can you get that now?


I've heard that as well. For example, a single dad told me he was not allowed to pay for school fees or anything else directly. The money has to go directly to the custody parent and then one hopes.......


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## southbound

NextTimeAround said:


> What's your ex's situation that makes things so lopsided?
> 
> Did she remarry? Does she work in a field that is generally higher paying than yours?


Yes, she remarried a guy who makes about what I make, and she doesn't make as much as I do. I'm not sure where all the stuff comes from. Maybe they are making payments like everyone else. 

So, her financial situation is like she were married to me, but an additional fat check on top of that. It just seems like a bonus instead of a need. 

It's not like my kids Are without anything they really need, my daughter just says her mom complains more than I do about having to Get them things. She'll pay $5,000 for a week vacation, and then complain about my daughter's college costs. That hurts my daughter's feelings. 

Even though my daughter has aged out now, she wonders why she didn't save a lot of the child support for her college instead of treating herself to everything.


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## Marc878

Simple, she's materialistic. 

Those types are never satisfied with anything.

I suspect looking back there were signs


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## southbound

Marc878 said:


> Simple, she's materialistic.
> 
> Those types are never satisfied with anything.
> 
> I suspect looking back there were signs


Not any signs that I recall from our early days. Neither of us grew up with a lot, and she never seemed materialistic early on. It's seems like the more we got, however, the more she wanted.


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## OnTheRocks

It was very difficult at first (20% of takehome pay is the guideline in my State), until I got a significant raise about 1.5 yrs post-D. But, I also can't really piss her off for fear of her having my salary reevaluated for an increase. I am not struggling now, but it's the one thing about my D that I cannot get past. Handing a large portion of my income to my materialistic cheating hoor ex who made about 50% MORE than I did when we split just.. Ugh. Her house is worth at least twice mine with a pool and a view, plus the new vacation cabin on an alpine lake, nicer vehicles than mine, more vacations, etc. It still irks me on at least a biweekly basis. I have almost 9 more years to go with CS, so count your blessings. At least I can sleep at night.


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## OnTheRocks

And, like your ex, she is stingy as shet with my daughter, as well as giving me crap for buying things for D9 without her 'earning it'. Also she has been hitting me up to contribute to a college fund for D9 lately. I have my own plans and business ventures to help D9 when the time comes. F off. Never again.


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## southbound

OnTheRocks said:


> It was very difficult at first (20% of takehome pay is the guideline in my State), until I got a significant raise about 1.5 yrs post-D. But, I also can't really piss her off for fear of her having my salary reevaluated for an increase. I am not struggling now, but it's the one thing about my D that I cannot get past. Handing a large portion of my income to my materialistic cheating hoor ex who made about 50% MORE than I did when we split just.. Ugh. Her house is worth at least twice mine with a pool and a view, plus the new vacation cabin on an alpine lake, nicer vehicles than mine, more vacations, etc. It still irks me on at least a biweekly basis. I have almost 9 more years to go with CS, so count your blessings. At least I can sleep at night.


I can relate. I just think the child support system is outdated; of course, I realize it's different state by state, but it just seems like something that needs to be looked at and changed.


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## OnTheRocks

It is. Too bad my 'representatives' are too busy with important issues like who uses which bathroom to notice.


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## Camper292000

I know what you mean. I'm a guy with 3 kids and have to pay her a large chunk. I'm struggling to figure out how to put gas in my truck but she's having huge improvements done to the house and taking trip after trip. It's not right. 

And it's not part of the national conversation as it should be. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk


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## Bananapeel

Even with child support I'm much better off because my XWW was a stay at home mom and I was paying her student loans, car payments, credit cards, insurance, clothes, food, entertainment, etc. Because of this and the fact that I'm a lot better with money than she is I'm the one going on fancy vacations, living in a nice house, driving a new car, and saving a bunch for retirement while I bet she is living paycheck to paycheck. My recommendations for anyone that is struggling is meet with a financial counselor and get your finances in order. Most people have a lot they can do by themselves to alleviate some of their financial burden regardless of what they are paying for child support.


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## WasDecimated

Child support is by far the smaller number for me. Alimony is the financial killer and over 4 times greater. 
The good news is I only have 8 months of alimony left. I don't know what she's going to do at that point. I'm guessing she will try to get her boyfriend to marry her, but then again, she got 1/3 of my investments and pension. She won’t be hurting…unfortunately.

My son now lives with me 100% and my daughter is about 70% but I still pay the agreed upon 50/50 for my daughter. It would cost more to hire a lawyer and go to court, so I just pay. Besides, it's worth it to not have to see her again. 

My XWW pays all of her bills with alimony and child support money so she only has to work part time. Condo rent, new car, insurance, utilities, lifestyle...etc are all paid for by me. She does not, and never has, spent a dime of the child support money on our kids. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about that.

Financially for me, it was rough at first but my income continues to go up. Actually, I’m doing better than I thought I would. In 8 months, I’ll be doing great!


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## GusPolinski

NextTimeAround said:


> *What's your ex's situation that makes things so lopsided?*
> 
> Did she remarry? Does she work in a field that is generally higher paying than yours?


I'll hazard a guess and say it's nothing more than this:

She has a vagina.


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## MovingForward

I have 50/50 and due to me earning more i still pay a large chunk of CS, Alimony, kids healthcare and 50/50 on everything my XW only outgoing she has to cover is food since my payments cover everything else, she also has a rich boyfriend which helps.

Lucky I have plenty still but seeing her blow it all the time and brag to the kids about 'working so hard for them' is frustrating.


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## Lostinthought61

MovingForward said:


> I have 50/50 and due to me earning more i still pay a large chunk of CS, Alimony, kids healthcare and 50/50 on everything my XW only outgoing she has to cover is food since my payments cover everything else, she also has a rich boyfriend which helps.
> 
> Lucky I have plenty still but seeing her blow it all the time and brag to the kids about 'working so hard for them' is frustrating.[/QUOTE
> 
> 
> how long do you have to pay alimony? can't she get a job?


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## MovingForward

Lostinthought61 said:


> MovingForward said:
> 
> 
> 
> I have 50/50 and due to me earning more i still pay a large chunk of CS, Alimony, kids healthcare and 50/50 on everything my XW only outgoing she has to cover is food since my payments cover everything else, she also has a rich boyfriend which helps.
> 
> Lucky I have plenty still but seeing her blow it all the time and brag to the kids about 'working so hard for them' is frustrating.[/QUOTE
> 
> 
> how long do you have to pay alimony? can't she get a job?
> 
> 
> 
> She has a Job but it was not enough to keep her lifestyle or in the same area. 3 years of Alimony
Click to expand...


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## Crankshaw

6 years down the track and I have bought a house, another 2 years of CS, then I will be about $100 a week better off, you just need to be be good with money, spend less than you earn, you know what your weekly CS, mortgage etc will is, take that into account


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## Chuck71

GusPolinski said:


> I'll hazard a guess and say it's nothing more than this:
> 
> She has a vagina.


Reason it's called vaginamony


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## doobie

I brought up my two children from a very young age (babies) without any financial support. This meant that we lived in poverty while the kids grew up but I did manage to ensure that both kids had a university education and they both now have good jobs. While I brought them up in rental accommodation as I was unable to get onto the housing ladder, it meant moving home on a regular basis as rental accommodation tends not to be particularly long term. This contributed to the poverty we endured. When the kids had grown up and left home I married again (in my early fifties) whic proved to be a huge mistake, as you will see if you read any of my threads and comments made during the worst years of my marriage. I'm living overseas and when I left my H, I moved into the cheapest rental accommodation I could find as I was at a low ebb and my self-confidence had taken quite a nosedive. My H is now planning to move back to the UK as his father will pay for the move and house him and pay him a carer's allowance in the future. My H will also inherit quite a sizeable amount when his father (who is in his eighties) passes away. All of my resources went towards supporting my H during our marriage because he didn't work or have any income - this has left me with nothing to fall back on and very few options for the future. I do work hard, but cannot seem to save for the future which leaves me feeling quite angry towards my H who seems to have made a load of mistakes and adversely affected my future while he is "sitting pretty" so to speak and has wealth to look forward to in the future. I'm just posting this to show you that there is another side to the coin when it comes to finances after marriage.


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## Chuck71

doobie said:


> I brought up my two children from a very young age (babies) without any financial support. This meant that we lived in poverty while the kids grew up but I did manage to ensure that both kids had a university education and they both now have good jobs. While I brought them up in rental accommodation as I was unable to get onto the housing ladder, it meant moving home on a regular basis as rental accommodation tends not to be particularly long term. This contributed to the poverty we endured. When the kids had grown up and left home I married again (in my early fifties) whic proved to be a huge mistake, as you will see if you read any of my threads and comments made during the worst years of my marriage. I'm living overseas and when I left my H, I moved into the cheapest rental accommodation I could find as I was at a low ebb and my self-confidence had taken quite a nosedive. My H is now planning to move back to the UK as his father will pay for the move and house him and pay him a carer's allowance in the future. My H will also inherit quite a sizeable amount when his father (who is in his eighties) passes away. All of my resources went towards supporting my H during our marriage because he didn't work or have any income - this has left me with nothing to fall back on and very few options for the future. I do work hard, but cannot seem to save for the future which leaves me feeling quite angry towards my H who seems to have made a load of mistakes and adversely affected my future while he is "sitting pretty" so to speak and has wealth to look forward to in the future. I'm just posting this to show you that there is another side to the coin when it comes to finances after marriage.


I would agree....... 110%. But in the US..... the H gets taken to the cleans over 80% of the time.


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## Chuck71

Interesting article.......... similar to what OP mentioned. 

Detroit Tigers first baseman Miguel Cabrera hit with child-support lawsuit


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