# New just found out my Husband been having an affair!



## Eliserobin78 (Jun 8, 2013)

Hi I'm new to this site and just looking for advice or encouragement. I've know my husband since we were 15 years old. We got married almost 8 yrs ago. We always had our ups in downs, break ups, and of course seem to get back together. Despite our crazy relationship I guess love was always on our side. After we got married we decided to start a family. Well after a year of trying we dealt with infertility issues. So after countless months of trying to fix the problem nothing worked. We decided to try Invitro. On the 1st try we got pregnant & had a baby boy who is now 3. Fasting forwarding it to present my husband told me about a year and half ago he was unhappy. His been unhappy for year. His unhappiness start when our infertility started. He proceed to tell me our relationship was stale, old, not fun, and just was not into it. Well 3 months ago I find out he was having a affair for a year in a half. He said he fell in love with her, and wanted to be with her, they are sooo compatible together, they are like soul mates! i felt like i was listening to a teenager. Needless to say the woman he was having a affair with was suppose to leave her husband but never did. My husband still once to leave because his heart is not there anymore. He told me he does not want to hurt me, leave his son, or get divorce but he must follow his heart. WTF?!? He feels we should move on get separated & divorce. I guess what I'm asking is why is he so confused but knows what he wants? Sadly I'm still in love I trying to let go but how?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Eliserobin78 said:


> I guess what I'm asking is why is he so confused but knows what he wants? Sadly I'm still in love I trying to let go but how?


Hi Elise, 
Welcome to the forum.
Sorry you are in this position.
Firstly, despite what you may think , feel at this time, or even what you may read around here, 

YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR YOUR HUSBAND'S INDISCRETIONS.

Take absolutely no responsibility for any of his actions/ feelings.
He BETRAYED YOU , whilst you stayed faithful.
None of this is your fault.
If you are confident that you did all in your power to make the marriage work then,
What he wants now, is no longer your business.
Every marriage ha issues, some greater, sometimes lesser, but no one is
" entitled " to happiness in a marriage.
We can only get out of a marriage , exactly what we put in.
He cheated and left you and your son defenceless, now you must fend for both of you.
Yes,
Sadly you are still in love , but sooner , rather than later you will get over him when the reality of what he did to you hits home.
Best wishes.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Does he still have any contact at all with the other woman?


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

So he plans on leaving you and and plans on being a little guy on the side for this OW? 

Who is she? Do you have her details. Tell her husband ASAP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eliserobin78 (Jun 8, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> Does he still have any contact at all with the other woman?


Yes they still contact each other, he feel they were good friends. Her husband suppose to know, because they share a cell phone bill so he is suppose to see the calls. He says they don't talk often but I guess he figures he does not want to work it out with me so why not be her friend. He even told me he is still in love with her.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

If you want to save your marriage, you have to end the adultery.

The the other woman's husband what is going on.

Be extremely skeptical of anything your husband tells you about the other woman and her marriage.

Don't be needy with your husband. It makes him feel he can treat you badly and you will still be there for him. Right now it seems he is very comfortable, he has the other woman and he has you in case that doesn't work out.

Blow up the affair on the other woman's end by telling her husband, then let your husband know that he better start towing the line or you will divorce him.

Either this is going to work out with your husband or not, but not until the adultery ends. Then maybe you and your husband can have a chance. But he has to believe that he has a chance of losing you, otherwise his poor treatment of you will continue, figuring you have no options other than to stay with him and put up with it.

Start making yourself has important in your decisions as your husband.


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## Eliserobin78 (Jun 8, 2013)

ubercoolpanda said:


> So he plans on leaving you and and plans on being a little guy on the side for this OW?
> 
> Who is she? Do you have her details. Tell her husband ASAP.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He plans on moving out getting his on place. The OW is suppose ego be working it out with her husband. I don't know how when my husband is still in the picture. She is clearly a manipulator. My husband has no Idea. She is someone he works with. My husband is a physician & she is a nurse. She is married with 3 children. One from. Past relationship as a teenager. I told her husband when I 1st time I found the disturbing text messages. I actually sent them to him. Her husband even works at the same hospital they work at. At this point if he is that obvious I don't know what else to say. According to my husband they are not trying to do anything with each other. Well all I can say if it happen once it can happen again. I'm just trying to cope with my emotions at this point.


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## Eliserobin78 (Jun 8, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> If you want to save your marriage, you have to end the adultery.
> 
> The the other woman's husband what is going on.
> 
> ...


Her husband knows! I told him as soon as I found out. They share the same cell phone bill he knows they still talk. Beside they all work at the same place! If he wants to be that naive it's nothing more I can do. I think I'm just trying to get my emotions in cheek. I agree with you believing has a chance of losing me. I told him I'm done fighting! I'm done auguring or asking about his affair! He can move out I need to heal from all this. He will know once he gone what a great wife I was, and how much he will is that I'm sure. If he ever decided to get with her if will never last. For one is going from one kid to 3 children. He is not built to take care of her children. It will get old fast. Don't get me wrong he is a excellent dad but he will be walking into something he never would expect. All his compatibles, soulmate, right person will go away. Her true colors will shine. I'm so trying to make my self important right now for me & my son.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Eliserobin78 said:


> Her husband knows! I told him as soon as I found out. They share the same cell phone bill he knows they still talk. Beside they all work at the same place! If he wants to be that naive it's nothing more I can do. I think I'm just trying to get my emotions in cheek. I agree with you believing has a chance of losing me. I told him I'm done fighting! I'm done auguring or asking about his affair! He can move out I need to heal from all this. He will know once he gone what a great wife I was, and how much he will is that I'm sure. If he ever decided to get with her if will never last. For one is going from one kid to 3 children. He is not built to take care of her children. It will get old fast. Don't get me wrong he is a excellent dad but he will be walking into something he never would expect. All his compatibles, soulmate, right person will go away. Her true colors will shine. I'm so trying to make my self important right now for me & my son.


That is the right path to take, let him get a dose of reality.

I would like to ask though, how do you know the other woman's husband and her share a cell phone bill? Further, how do you know that he looks at it? A lot of people don't look at the bills. Also, if you read some of the threads here, some betrayed spouses have this belief that you have to "trust" the cheater and don't bother checking anything even after they catch them the first time. It's people like you who call them to wake them up out of their stupor. How hard could it be to make one phone call to give the guy another heads up?


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Doctor, eh?

Take him to the cleaners financially and live well. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Have you seen a lawyer? Get one right away. See a couple of lawyers and choose the one that is aggressive. You need to play hardball. Tell the OW's husband you are filing for divorce but don't tell your husband. 

He thinks he can have a family with you and another home with her. Make it difficult for him. No friendly chit chat. Go 180 starting today.


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## Eliserobin78 (Jun 8, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> That is the right path to take, let him get a dose of reality.
> 
> I would like to ask though, how do you know the other woman's husband and her share a cell phone bill? Further, how do you know that he looks at it? A lot of people don't look at the bills. Also, if you read some of the threads here, some betrayed spouses have this belief that you have to "trust" the cheater and don't bother checking anything even after they catch them the first time. It's people like you who call them to wake them up out of their stupor. How hard could it be to make one phone call to give the guy another heads up?


I really don't know about the cell bill. I think when i talked to him he said he was going start checking the bill. But her husband called mine so he got the number someway. He might not look at the bill. I really don't want to call him again. I'm emotionally & phyically done. If this is what he wants her he needs to learn life the hard way. I believe I will be okay. I just don't want to be involved in that anymore. I know too much. I found to much. All it does is derail my healing process. I try to fight but I can't fight alone. I just need to let him go.. Let life either hit him or not. Only time will tell.


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## Eliserobin78 (Jun 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Have you seen a lawyer? Get one right away. See a couple of lawyers and choose the one that is aggressive. You need to play hardball. Tell the OW's husband you are filing for divorce but don't tell your husband.
> 
> He thinks he can have a family with you and another home with her. Make it difficult for him. No friendly chit chat. Go 180 starting today.


I've meet with lawyers. I not worried about what I will get. If I was fling I would not tell a soul. I don't trust none of them at all. He can try to have two family he will be broke in the process. Then he really will have problems...


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Elise,

Your husband was gone much earlier than you think. He is med and he cheats with a nurse and her husband knows. WTH!.

Now consider doing 180. Time.

Sorry, you are facing a bad marriage.

AU


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