# Do I stay or do I go?



## monsterbabie (Apr 20, 2012)

Where to begin...

I don't know whether I really love my husband. We have only been married for 4 months, or so. We have been together for about 2 years, on and off, but it was always turmultuous. In the beginning, he was always cheating on me. I would get hurt. I would leave. He would want me back. Eventually, I went back, and e was still talking to other women online. He asked me to move in with him, but only said maybe. I was off station (govt worker) at the time, and he wanted me to move in with him when I got home. I told him I would stay with him while I found my own place. I ended up finding out I was pregnant, and so I stayed. 

I went off station again while I was pregnant, but I was home on the weekends, as I was only a couple hours away. I found out he was talking to other girls on the computer and sexting them again, and I confronted him. I considered leaving him. He begged me to stay, and told me he would be better. I stayed. 

We had our son, and when he was a month old, he asked me to marry him. He said we could go to Vegas before I went back to work, as it was easier than working on finding time off. It was also conveniently before tax time. I agreed. 

Now, he left soon after this. He left like a week after we got married, to Japan for 4 months. I handled running a home, working full time, and raising a son on my own for 4 months. I ended up cheating on him with someone I didn't really like that much, but it has made me question everything.

I had been disinterested in my husband for quite a while. I am starting to think that the only reason I stayed with him instead of leaving him when he cheated when i was pregnant, was because I was scared of doing it alone, but then I did. 

I care about him. I have some affection for him. I dont know what it is. I dont want my marriage to end so soon. I dont know anything. I am 23 and confused. He never brushes his teeth. Ive tried talking to him about it, and he gets mad. He will wear the same shirt days on end. He showers almost daily though...cleanliness is important. He drinks every night. He wants to have sex sometimes, but i dont want to. I force myself to sometimes but its hard. 

I told him my feelings, and he knows about what happened while he was in Japan. I just dont know what to do! Someone help me!


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Without trying to sound judgmental, you have both cheated on each other, you are both looking in other places for companionship, and both of you sound like there is a lot of room for growth and maturing. What do you get out of the relationship? What does he?

Maybe the both of you could have a discussion about what you both need within a marriage going forward, and see if you can find compatibility and direction.

I think you should approach it from a standpoint of "This is broken and it won't work like this - can we fix it together?" If he's along for the ride and is willing to work hard beside you, it might work. If not, better to find someone who is a better match that be miserable. You have a long life ahead of you - it's your life.


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

you answered your own question....you sound like me for 6 yrs now!!!! please don't wait that long like me to take action, he won't change his ways, he needs to be with other woman to feel satisfaction and is that not a good thing! he is not thinking about your son and you said u stayed because you got pregnant so there you go! i did the same and now a regret it!!! you will only end up confusing yourself more and not be happy to enjoy your son! focus on yous son and what is best for him =) I'm not excusing cheating and i dont see it as a good thing but nobody is perfect and we make mistakes, when you love someone you don't even think about being with another person  good luck and hope it turns out good for you =)


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## monsterbabie (Apr 20, 2012)

Soconfused: He stopped cheating after the event when I was pregnant. I just don't feel satisfied anymore, I guess...

Acorn: Yeah, I tried discussing things with him yesterday. He doesn't really want to talk about any of it. He doesn't want to talk about anything. -_- But, I don't want my marriage to end after such a short time either!


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

yeah i feel the same for my husband...=/ the sooner you take action the better forget about the time, if not you're going to be like that for years! =/


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

if he doesn't want to talk about anything is because he doesn't care...


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## monsterbabie (Apr 20, 2012)

Yeah, but everytime I start to feel some clarity. Decide, "well maybe its time to go.", I think about the affection I do have for him...whatever affection that is. He's like a really good friend. Its not like we fight like crazy or anything. But, i feel like I am hanging out with my buddy or something.


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## monsterbabie (Apr 20, 2012)

soconfused1984 said:


> if he doesn't want to talk about anything is because he doesn't care...



That occured to me too....


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

exactly how i feel! my husband and I can get along really good and watch movies and have fun but i feel like he's my best friend not my love! my one and only! etc. etc...i hear you!


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## monsterbabie (Apr 20, 2012)

So, what do I dooooo!!!!! :scratchhead: :scratchhead: :scratchhead:


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

have you thought about maybe he feels the same towards you? ask him if that is how he feels and that its ok to feel it! cus you do too!!! see what he thinks, maybe you can end this with peace and for the best of your child =) you can't spent the rest of your life waiting for him to "want" to talk about your issues!!!


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## monsterbabie (Apr 20, 2012)

I asked him how he feels. He just shrugs. I told him i dont know if I love him. He said that he hopes I do and hugged me. But, he is always like that. I never really know how he feels. He says he wants this to work. I told him that if its just for august that isnt good. Or his pride. uhg...


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

yeah he needs to talk about his feelings in order for you to work things out,,,if he doesn't talk oh well....it's his fault! you can't be guessing all the time... =/( been there!)


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## monsterbabie (Apr 20, 2012)

So, just maybe give it a couple months? Try and get him to talk? Or just walk...


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

sit him down as soon as possible and talk to him, the more time you spend, the harder it gets =/...some many need a little push like a feeling they're going to loose you! tell him you've had enough of him not talking and you need to know what he feels, you can be kind and comprehensive but also determined =) I did it with mine and it worked, he told me everything he felt and it hurt that he thought of other woman and stuff, but at least it was the truth and he was talking about it =) now he changed but like i said it's too late =S


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## monsterbabie (Apr 20, 2012)

I did that yesterday. I sat him down and tried to talk to him. He said he loves me and wants us to work...but thats it. LITERALLY. And i told him that I dont know how I feel anymore and I dont know whether I love him, and he said that he hopes I do.


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

hhhmm,...you need to put a final stop to his not wanting to talk or else he'll loose you and you both can loose a really good relationship, or maybe he's right, maybe u still do it's just that the whole situation is causing you to be confused =)


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

We sometimes make bad choices when marrying someone. It took me 5 years before I finally recognized I made one marrying the woman and got the courage to leave her and file for divorce. I hope that it doesn't take you as long as it did on my case.


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