# I'm I being played or what.



## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

It's been a month since Dday. And I feel like I'm doing more work into this than him, it's all little things but still.
I make him lunch 4 days a week and pack his bag the night before. I cook dinner but that is a given I need to feed myself and the kids too. I found my old ipod and got a itunes card and bought him songs that he likes with it and then wrapped it up as a gift. I made him sell his ring yesterday and I got him a new one waiting for it to be sized. And I write him little notes around the house on given days to tell him I love him. And give him cards with little love notes in them too.
He has put away the clothes at times, done the wash. Puts his clothes in the hamper...which is huge for him to do. He has only given me a card with a lottery ticket inside. 
He got upset at me one day because I got myself some flowers but has yet to come home with flowers for me. I told him I was going to buy myself a heart charm and he got upset with that too. If I wait for him to get anything for me he would never get it. We are to pick him his ring next week and he said we can look then but can't get anything why do that too me.
I told him how I feel and he told me he understands but he needs time. Dude you are the one that cheated not me it's time to put the past behide us and move on to rebuilding our marriage stonger.


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## jen1020 (Dec 18, 2011)

lovemylife26 said:


> It's been a month since Dday. If I wait for him to get anything for me he would never get it.


This jumped out at me.

I wonder what would happen if you stopped organising and planning everything? If you are the only one keeping this together then is it worth it? Why don't you try to take a step or two back and see what happens.

By doing this, your relationship could take a huge turn for the worse and then you would know you are being played. However you may find he then starts pulling his weight too.

Just a thought.

Jen


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

Thanks. He is the one that said we should go to IC and MC


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Wow, as I read that I thought it must have been YOU that cheated! Why on earth are you doing all that for him??

Catering to him right now would be the LAST thing I would do. But then, I kicked my cheating hubby out of the house and we were split up for 5 months right after D day.


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## jen1020 (Dec 18, 2011)

That's good that he suggested that.

I'm not saying he isn't doing anything to make amends but he needs to be doing far more than you if he was the one that cheated.

Jen


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

and he asked me too renew our vows this summer.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

i tell him that he needs to do more to prove it to me and he says it's all little things he is doing. And saying things to me which i do love. Its almost like we are dating again but im the one putting more effort into this time around.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Doing all those little romantic things means you are trying really hard. However you are not getting the results you desire, and you won't. He will start to take you for granted, and since he cheated, he already has.

Perhaps doing the 180 or something close to it would get more results. I am not suggesting you play mind games, this would be for YOUR benefit. You need to get emotionally stronger, this takes time, but in the meantime, stop the romantic stuff, it is hurting you. You need to lower your expectations and take care of your own heart.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Maybe he is trying but you dont understand one anothers love languages very well...?

The 5 Love Languages and (book)


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

lovemylife26 said:


> It's been a month since Dday. And I feel like I'm doing more work into this than him, it's all little things but still.
> 
> He has only given me a card with a lottery ticket inside.
> 
> ...


It is always the little things that matter. Always. Don't underestimate the little things because without them there is nothing. No daily pleasures. Who cares about the big things when there are no little things to make life easier, better, happier. 

It sounds to me like he doesn't really have to put a lot of effort in. He is putting a little in, just enough to give u a little hope, but nothing more. He got cross because u bought yourself some flowers?!!! And want to buy yourself a heart charm?!! (Though I don't understand that, if it is a symbolism of you and him then it should definitely NOT be you that buys it) Remorseful? Hmmm. Sounds like the behaviour of a man who forgot your anniversary...not a man who cheated. Sounds like you are enabling him to not bother also. All the work and effort is on your end, even the bloody flowers! Sorry if this sounds harsh, I know how difficult it is when you want to make it work with the man you love. I have been putting all the hard work in for 10 months now (though he does the little things, he hasn't done the essential post-DD things of talking openly etc) and finally the penny has dropped...fully...I think/hope. Start making demands of him to give what you need, and stop enabling him to ignore your demands.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

He did bring home flowers the other day. He come home with purple roses which are my favorite color rose.
Last night we got into a fight. Before bed I took my shower and he came into the bathroom to tell me how much he loved me and was sorry. And then he came into the shower fully clothed. He is crazy.


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