# Work before marriage-ALWAYS



## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

My h has decided that something important has come up at work and he will not be attending holiday festivities with my family on X-mas eve. Of course, the festivities on Christmas Day with his family is definitively still on. I am going to see my family by myself and I am not going to see his family on X-mas Day.

I'm just hurt-his poss EA was with a co-worker and he never says no to anyone there EVER. Last year-we got calls in New Year's eve (a co-worker asking my h to do a favor for his friend that doesn't even work there), we got calls at 8pm on a Friday night, we got calls on Sat mornings, calls on vacays, birthdays, dinners. H would work 5am-6pm, sometimes later, weekends, ect. He is not a manager but basically does everything and they are used to it. 

This has crossed the line. I am glad we don't have children-I wouldn't want to have to explain to them why their father can't choose them over work. BTW, what he does is govt work and is not an emergency worker, doctor, ect. We talk and talk about how this hurts me-I have even tried on my end to make sure I am trying to put him first before my jobs. I just want to see some effort and I never do. 

Any advice? Do other men here value work before their marriage?
I don't even want to look at him when I come home tonight I am so disappointed. He emailed to me tell me and the "apology" was a frowny face. Really?


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

Mrs1980 said:


> My h has decided that something important has come up at work and he will not be attending holiday festivities with my family on X-mas eve. Of course, the festivities on Christmas Day with his family is definitively still on. I am going to see my family by myself and I am not going to see his family on X-mas Day.
> 
> I'm just hurt-his poss EA was with a co-worker and he never says no to anyone there EVER. Last year-we got calls in New Year's eve (a co-worker asking my h to do a favor for his friend that doesn't even work there), we got calls at 8pm on a Friday night, we got calls on Sat mornings, calls on vacays, birthdays, dinners. H would work 5am-6pm, sometimes later, weekends, ect. He is not a manager but basically does everything and they are used to it.
> 
> ...


I have no choice. If I am drafted to work a holiday, there is no question that I have to be there or face the consequences. I am a solutions engineer, but there are times when I have to be available for possible high-severity/critical issues. Sometimes, work is just work. I do not "choose" work over family, because work is what I do to support my family (one income family BTW). A suggestion to try is to talk about it, rather than the cold-shoulder thing. The silent treatment will backfire...


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Mrs1980 said:


> My h has decided that something important has come up at work and he will not be attending holiday festivities with my family on X-mas eve. Of course, the festivities on Christmas Day with his family is definitively still on. I am going to see my family by myself and I am not going to see his family on X-mas Day.
> 
> I'm just hurt-his poss EA was with a co-worker and he never says no to anyone there EVER. Last year-we got calls in New Year's eve (a co-worker asking my h to do a favor for his friend that doesn't even work there), we got calls at 8pm on a Friday night, we got calls on Sat mornings, calls on vacays, birthdays, dinners. H would work 5am-6pm, sometimes later, weekends, ect. He is not a manager but basically does everything and they are used to it.
> 
> ...


don't know all the details but I find it interesting that this is an issue at all.

with out money you can't eat.no house or cloths. although holiday should be for family to get together and bonding and all the stuff that come with this time of year none of it would be possible with out an income.

in today climate with jobs at an all time low many people are worried about the future.



now with all that being said if he is porposely advoiding family time by hiding behind the I got to work excuse then that is just wrong.


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> don't know all the details but I find it interesting that this is an issue at all.
> 
> with out money you can't eat.no house or cloths. although holiday should be for family to get together and bonding and all the stuff that come with this time of year none of it would be possible with out an income.
> 
> ...


To be fair-I should provide more info-we've been having a lot of issues-many stemming from his work-poss EA,H allowing co-workers too close/taking advantage of his niceness,ect. 

He wasn't originally scheduled so I already made plans with my elderly parents. And he will not be getting paid anything except for comp-time so this isn't about him providing for our family. There is always an inequity b/t my fam and his. If bossy told him that he would have to work on Christmas-oh no, h would tell him no I'm seeing my parents that day. His thought process is: "Who cares that I am supposed to see the in-laws". Not only am I expected to see his parents-we have to have dinner at Noon to accommodate their schedules. Meanwhile-h doesn't care that he is hurting me or my parents.


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