# Wife just confessed to infidelity w/ X BF



## peffwrd (Aug 15, 2010)

I was just told last night by my wife that she was having an affair with someone who I thought was a trustworthy friend. Apparently it has been going on for several years right under my nose. I travel on business once a month and know he has been in our house w/ our kids while I have been on the road. I have such rage and anger right now I don't know what to do and afraid of doing something stupid. 

I can't help but to feel like a fool for not seeing this sooner or maybe just not wanting to believe it. I have not been happy for several years and have been drinking more than usual as a way to numb the pain. My wife wants forgiveness and for things to go back to the way they used to be but I am not certain this will be possible. I been betrayed by two people and not sure how to handle the thoughts/visions that keep swirling around in my head. 

Please send any recommendations you have with ways of coping or handling.

Thank you.


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## jitterbug (Feb 13, 2010)

Wow, double betrayals are the worst--stabbed in the heart and the back at the same time. 

The pain is huge.........

You're still in a state of shock. The best advice I can give you right now is to the best you can to take care of yourself, eat, even if you have no appetite.

(it will help you to keep a clear head)

See if you can take some time off work, so you have time to process all the emotions that are swirling around you.

The mind movies you're experiencing are a completely normal reaction---don't think there's something wrong with you, it happens to almost every BS upon discovery.

Make sure that your feelings and point of view aren't invalidated---very often, a wayward spouse wants to sweep everything under the rug right away, because they are ashamed and don't want to be reminded of what they've done.

You're going to need adequate time to process all of this, and I don't think it's a good time to make a life-altering decision, not immediately, anyways.


I'm so sorry youre going through this.


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## BigB (Jul 4, 2010)

Before anything else check what has changed. If they have been at it for a long time why confess now? The question you should be asking first is "why now?". In such long term betrayal involving two people who are close to you something drastic has to happen for the cheating spouse to confess to it and not seek divorce.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear this, but you have been given good advice. Don't make any rash decisions this soon. Sit down with a counselor maybe and help sort your thoughts out. Obviously in the mean time, your W needs to end any and all contact with the OM. There are steps posted all over this site about how to do that, just take a gander. Best of luck to you and really, take your time deciding on all of this.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

I could possibly forgive temporary indiscretions, but it's utterly ridiculous of your wife to have been screwing this guy for years. 

You've been given good advice thus far. All I would add is to have a conseltation with an attorney to see what your options are, and please please PLEASE get tested for every known STD. BigB was right about the "why now?" part of the equation. One possibility is that she could have contracted an STD or gotten pregnant (not sure how old you guys are).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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