# I think we're done



## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

I came out and admitted to my DH that Im not happy anymore. He asked what he could do to fix it, but I dont think it can be fixed. I know he won't ever change. He hasnt even put forth an effort to change. He still accuses me of cheating, pins me in the corners when he gets mad and yells, screams, and curses at me, in front of our 2 year old. I've tried to work it out, for the sake of our kid, but I cant fight for something that isn't there anymore. How do I do this without hurting him? He tells me if I leave and take our child then he has nothing to live for. I know its a guilt trip, but I can't stay where Im not happy. He's tried pulling guilt trips, fake crying, making promises I know he won't keep. I've been fighting for 5 years for something that isn't there. I know this isn't going to be easy, I'm looking for support. My son isn't going to understand, and the last thing I want, is for him to hate me for the decisions I have to make on the road ahead. He says he'll make sure I don't get custody. Last thing I want is for my son growing up in this mess. Am I making the right decisions? Tell me what to do.. please.


----------



## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

He's a classic abuser - time to run. Start keeping a log of the abuse - time date what he did - it can be used in the custody case. If your a good mom with no history of law troubles, drugs, alcohol, etc - he can't take the kid. He'll have visitation I'm sure, but it won't be like what he says.

As for your son - thankfully he's young - might make the transition easier. Much easier than an older child who understands so much more.

Good luck!


----------



## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Thanks. 
He doesnt see what he does as abuse, altho he says he regrets ever hitting me.. when he stood in the kitchen and threatened to kill himself in front of our 2 year old, it just done it in for me, I dont want him raised around garbage like that. DH uses his mom as the reason why he is the way he is, yet his mom lives with us.. its just a big mess and im tired of it.. i just want out..


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

What are you looking for and what are you waiting for? Get out now before he becomes angry at the prospect and takes it out on you. Don't worry about hurting him. You make it sound like his threat of suicide doesn't phase you, but it does if you're worried about his feelings. He hasn't worried about yours. Just leave and don't worry about starting a log of his abuse. You shouldn't be there for any more of it to happen. If you haven't kept a log or any police reports, then what? Are you going to stay just so you can document more of his abuse? Leave now. His threat for custody is just another threat. He can no more take your child away than he'd slit his own wrists, so don't worry about that either. You and your husband have already taught your son how to treat women. You will have to spend the rest of his life trying to counter these abuse lessons. Don't stick around for him to become fully acclimated.


----------



## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

I asked DH for a separation yesterday.. he said if I filed for divorce, he wouldn't sign the papers. He says I'm "his world" and if it things end between us, he would be alone for the rest of his life because theres no one else out there for him.. Its plain to see that Im not gonna get what I asked for, what do I do now? I want out of this. I've actually thought about goin to my mom's and filing for divorce while Im there. I know he's gonna be crushed, but I can't keep living like this. Im not in love with him anymore, he says he wants to fix it and make me fall in love with him again. He doesnt understand the things he does pushes me further and further away.


----------



## Wisp (Jul 17, 2010)

amberlynn: if I were in his shoes I would fight for my kids, it all to with emotions and not letting go, perhaps he thinks he can repair the damage.

It may be safer to go to your moms and if you so choose start proceedings. Eventually he will not have the option to hold up a divorce the courts will decide.

Best wishes


----------



## Discoverycounseling (Jul 24, 2010)

It sounds like you both know how to fight. But do you know how to discuss with active listening? If your marriage is on its death bed, you need professional help. Find a good counselor who is committed to saving marriages. If you both want to make your marriage work, you can. At this stage, you will help though.


----------



## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

He wants it to work, he wants to fix things, but we have tried this before, and once things get going right, he goes back to his old self, pinning me in corners screaming and yelling... I cant do it anymore, I dont love him like I use too. Its just not there for me. I can't be with someone that wants to constantly mentally and emotionally abuse me, and it's not fair for my son to be raised in it.


----------



## bestplayer (Jan 23, 2010)

amberlynn said:


> He wants it to work, he wants to fix things, but we have tried this before, and once things get going right, he goes back to his old self, pinning me in corners screaming and yelling... I cant do it anymore, I dont love him like I use too. Its just not there for me. I can't be with someone that wants to constantly mentally and emotionally abuse me, and it's not fair for my son to be raised in it.


well i think if you really feel you dont love him ,it is better to end it with him now while your child too young to be affected. Delaying it will only make the situation worse .

Btw you dont have to worry about him trying to kill himself , thats just threat & even if he means it you are not responsible for his stupidity . And he can't put off divorce by not signing the papers .


Best of luck


----------

