# Inappropriate chatting with ex online



## OldSoul26 (Apr 3, 2014)

Well, my wife was talking to an ex on Facebook about a dream where she had sex with him. They flirted about performing in front of audience (there was audience in the dream) and then talked about their past real life sex activites with each other. She told me the dream was about me being married to another women and cheating on that wife with her, my real-life wife. I brought up the dream to see if she would say more or just tell the truth, but she told me again she had sex with me in the dream, and that she never dreams of having sex with people she knows, they are always faceless if not me. What do I do? I think this is inappropriate, especially because she doesn't like to talk to me about sex, but did with her ex. I am so hurt because she chatted all day with him while I was gone, but I can barely get a one-word response when I text her. 
I should mention I found the conversation only because when I got home she was on her phone and had a very happy smile and giggled. Thinking it would be a meme or something funny someone said and that she would show me or tell me like she always does, I asked what was so funny. She just said, "oh, people on facebook." She wouldn't look at me or tell me anything more. I then got on to our computer to look something up, and her facebook was open and a message popped up. Being suspicious I checked it and then read the whole conversation. 

I felt really hurt. I made an excuse to leave the house for a car part (Our car really is acting up, I was on the computer to get help, and really did go get some stuff to fix it) to think about it and really let my emotions run through me so I could hold poise during dinner. But, now I'm hurt and don't know what I should do about this. Any advice?


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*In criminal law, an investigation can ensue from the legal axiom "probable cause." What you saw on your PC more than equals "probable cause."

Always remember that "all is fair in love and war!" Given that, please continue to monitor her FB, email, and cell phone/texting activity. Check your phone bills to see the appearance of quite-often called/texted phone numbers. It also would not hurt to place a good quality voice activated recorder(VAR) secured tightly underneath her front car seat!

Your gut instinct will always tell you more than anything that you can rely on. Don't be a fool ~ Act on it!*


----------



## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

I read the first line, didn't need to read further.

This is not good. Time to put an end to her contact with him, and expose her secret infatuation to people who she wouldn't want to know about it.

Men who avoid confrontation... women take that as permission to carry on.


----------



## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

If you can keep it together for few days, do some more investigating. First a keylogger on the PC. Get all passwords to emails, FB, etc.. I recommend Relytec. It's free for week. You should get everything by then. Find out how deep the rabbit hole really goes before you confront. And never reveal your sources!!


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I wrote this for a man whose W had reconnected with an ex-BF again:

Right now, the texts/conversations may very well be innocent, but soon, they may morph into: 

Their lives since they parted
Their relationships since they parted
Their families
Their spouses
You
How you're an excellent father
How you're a great husband
How you're a wonderful guy
Your job
How your job keeps you busy
How your job keeps you away
How she sometimes feels lonely when you're away
How she sometimes feels a little overburdened at home
How she sometimes feels a little taken for granted
How she feels like you don't ALWAYS listen to her
How she feels like you don't ALWAYS understand her
How she sometimes feels like you're not there for her
How...okay, you're not ALWAYS such a wonderful guy
How she loved hearing from him
How she loves talking to him again
How she looks forward to his texts/calls/e-mails now
How she feels young again
How she feels attractive again
How she feels appreciated again
How it's been so, so long since you made her feel that way
How her eyes have been opened
How she now realizes what she truly wants and needs
How she now realizes that you can't give her that
How she now realizes that she "settled" for you
How insensitive you can be sometimes
How you can be a real jerk sometimes
How she wonders if they would have stayed together
How she now realizes that she never really loved you
How she now realizes that she really loved him all along
How she ever could have fallen for a jerk like you
How you're the biggest a**hole she's ever known
How you're standing in the way of her true happiness
How you ruined her life
How she made a big mistake marrying you
How she made an even bigger mistake letting him go
How they were really meant to be together
How she desperately has to get away from you
How she's definitely going to leave you
How she's been talking to divorce lawyers
How they're going to live happily ever after...

...get the picture?


----------



## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Have you said anything to her yet?
If not don't. 
For now, act normal, snoop and get as much information as you can. 
And don't let her catch you!


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Did you already know your wife was friends on fbook with her ex lover? 

I would likely monitor via key logger and drop a var in her car for a week or so. 

You must eventually confront. If you are lucky you have caught this on the front end and it can be addressed. 

However her intentional lies and complete willingness to tell ex lover about her sex dreams/fantasies is not good. Not good at all. You cannot leave that unchecked. 

Act now act fast. Do some monitoring. Then confront.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Keep playing dumb husband as much as you can. Pretend you know nothing. as others have stated go into full Magnum PI mode.

Where does the exbf live? Is he local? Married now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

exactly what philly said. stay low key and act normal. If it goes underground, good luck catching anything. If you play dumb for a while, she will slip. She'll leave something open or offer a very easy way to catch her doing something you feared she wouldnt.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Confront her. If she lies, expose to her family and ask them to talk some sense into her.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

And even if she demands to know, NEVER reveal your sources.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If you saw that she's having these kind of conversations with another man and you know about it and don't say anything, then you get what you deserve.

Time for you to sit her down and let her know in a very clear manner so there isn't any kind of misunderstanding that this stops now and if it happens again then as far as your concerned she can make her dream a reality just as long as she's a single woman and living on her own.

Don't let her give you the run around that it's only a dream or the old ex means nothing. She's a married woman and she's not supposed to be having this kind of interaction with another man. No wiggle room for her and make sure that she hears every word and understands it.

By with holding this information is nothing but a open invitation for her to continue and a real good bet to escalate this into something worse.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

My theory of whether to confront or do more monitoring first:

If this is the first time it's happened (and you should be confident it is) then you confront now and give her consequences.

If this has happened before and you drew a line in the sand; keep monitoring until you have a smoking gun.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I don't know your wife and how she will react. Mine denied, even with the evidence in front of her. In 2010 she denied and yet there was the emails back and forth. I sat my wife down and had her read the emails. She said, "We were just joking around". I had her read the emails to me more times and said your responce is BS. She finally admitted to things but only when I had evidence. A year later she had a PA with another person.

Confront now with hard evidence and maybe it will end.

I never asked my wife to end her FB in 2010, I wished I had, it was how she connected with men in 2011.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

:rofl:


----------

