# Out of the Blue...



## HisMrs83

My last post in the, "Considering Separation/Divorce" forum materialized a while ago because my H was staying out wayyyy past times respectable for a married man with a young child at home. 

I never suspected cheating (nor did he ever give me reason to) and he was a great provider. HOWEVER, I was not willing to keep quiet about his "hang out all night with all of my single buddies who don't have a life or any real responsibilites" attitude / behavior he was beginning to display. It didn't happen regularly but it needed to stop before it turned into a bigger problem. 

In no way was I trying to control him. However, I do believe that too much freedom can open doors to uneccessary problems. It was disrespectful to me and the household. In addition to that, there's nothing a married man needs outside of his home after 4a.m! 

After trying several times to talk about it to no avail. And after arguing several times about it to no avail, I was ready to move out of our home with our daughter who is now 18 months. I chose to move out because I wasn't willing to go through the motions of trying to make him leave. I knew what I felt and I knew I was sticking to it... I feel like when it comes to relationships, either you're going to accept a behavior from a person or you're not. If you're going to accept it, don't complain, don't fuss, just sit back and take it. BUT if you're not going to take it, do something about it!!! I felt that there could've been a middle ground. However, he was not trying to create one. 

Fast forward to now... 

A lot happened and eventually I did leave. 

We've been separated for nearly 1 month and a half.

While separated, I have not attempted to talk to him about reconciling (or divorce for that matter). I left him alone in our home with his thoughts. I wanted him to figure out if he really wanted to be married. Or, if it means more to hangout all night with his buddies. We only speak about arrangements for our daughter. 

During this time, I've refocused my attention. I've been working really hard in the gym, spending a lot of time with our daughter and my family. While I have been thinking about him and our situation a lot, I haven't allowed myself to fall into depression or obsess over it. I cried a lot initially, but I knew I needed to be stronger. I know in my heart that I want to be a good wife to him AND a fair one. BUT I want it in return.

Two days ago, I received a text "out of the blue." He wanted to meet for dinner (at my favorite restaurant). He disclosed that he definitely loves me and wants to work on our marriage. I whole heartedly agreed, but 1 day at a time is in order.

I do not intend to jump at the chance to move back home. I've been saving up and would like to continue doing so to ensure my own stability (just in case) before I move back. I would also like to try MC, start attending church regularly and get the lines of communication back on track...

I just hope it works.

Thanks for reading.


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## lamaga

Sounds like you are in a really good headspace, congrats!


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## HisMrs83

I am. I love him so much, Iamaga. But when you know you're trying to be fair, yet someone only wants to do what they want to do.... You have to make the choice to back off. That's what I did. And if he's really ready to move forward, I'll give 110%.

Thank you so much.


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## sadwithouthim

HisMrs83 said:


> My last post in the, "Considering Separation/Divorce" forum materialized a while ago because my H was staying out wayyyy past times respectable for a married man with a young child at home.
> 
> I never suspected cheating (nor did he ever give me reason to) and he was a great provider. HOWEVER, I was not willing to keep quiet about his "hang out all night with all of my single buddies who don't have a life or any real responsibilites" attitude / behavior he was beginning to display. It didn't happen regularly but it needed to stop before it turned into a bigger problem.
> 
> In no way was I trying to control him. However, I do believe that too much freedom can open doors to uneccessary problems. It was disrespectful to me and the household. In addition to that, there's nothing a married man needs outside of his home after 4a.m!
> 
> After trying several times to talk about it to no avail. And after arguing serveral times about it to no avail, I was ready to move out of our home with our daughter who is now 18 months. I chose to move out because I wasn't willing to go through the motions of trying to make him leave. I knew what I felt and I knew I was sticking to it... I feel like when it comes to relationships, either you're going to accept a behavior from a person or you're not. If you're going to accept it, don't complain, don't fuss, just sit back and take it. BUT if you're not going to take it, do something about it!!! I felt that there could've been a middle ground. However, he was not trying to create one.
> 
> Fast forward to now...
> 
> A lot happened and eventually I did leave.
> 
> We've been separated for nearly 1 month and a half.
> 
> While separated, I have not attempted to talk to him about reconciliation (or divorce for that matter). I left him alone in our home with his thoughts. I wanted him to figure out if he really wanted to be married. Or, if it means more to hangout all night with his buddies. The only time we spoke, was about arrangements for our daughter.
> 
> During this time, I've refocused my attention. I've been working really hard in the gym, spending a lot of time with our daughter and my family. While I have been thinking about him and our situation a lot, I haven't allowed myself to fall into depression or obsess over it. I cried a lot initially, but I knew I needed to be stronger. I know in my heart that I want to be a good wife to him AND a fair one. BUT I want it in return.
> 
> Two days ago, I received a text "out of the blue." He wanted to meet for dinner (at my favorite restaurant). He disclosed that he definitely loves me and wants to work on our marriage. I whole heartedly agree, but 1 day at a time is in order.
> 
> I do not intend to jump at the chance to move back home. I've been saving up and would like to continue doing so to ensure my own stability (just in case) before I move back. I would also like to try MC, start attending church regularly and get the lines of communication back on track...
> 
> I just hope it works.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


Wow....I wish i had half your strength and spunk. I will pray everything works out for you two. 

Best wishes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HisMrs83

Can I be honest??? I don't have the answers for everything. But I read alot of the posts on this forum... A lot of ppl know what they want and aren't getting it. Yet, they don't do anything about it.

Decide on what you want and go after it. If one person doesn't want to give it to you, deal with your broken heart, then find the person that will... 

I love my H dearly, but I never made him my everything/universe. 

Go after what you want!

Thank you for your blessings, SadWithoutHim.


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## This is me

Great news! I wish the best for you two. 

I wish there were more people posting good news like this in this area.


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## HisMrs83

Thank you very much, This Is Me. I'm going to do MY best.


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## lost soul

WoW you are Sexy ! ! ! Luv a Strong Take Charge Kinda Woman , , , You go Girl


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## HisMrs83

lost soul said:


> WoW you are Sexy ! ! ! Luv a Strong Take Charge Kinda Woman , , , You go Girl


Big hug, Lost Soul. Thank you so much. 


Update: Today was the first time we've spent time together as a family. We ate lunch in the park, just the 3 of us. We laughed and enjoyed each others company. We didn't talk about the past, nor did I feel the need to. We touched on it at dinner a few days ago. So, I'm ready to leave it where it is: IN THE PAST. So far so good. Off to a good start. 

Thanks for reading.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

Keep it up!


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## HisMrs83

This is me said:


> Keep it up!


I will, This Is Me. Thank you!

Update: The three of us enjoyed movie night at the house last night. I'm planning for the next meeting to be him and I alone. Just to see what the chemistry will be like. It hasn't been awkward. So, I'm hopeful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator

Sounds like you have a well executed plan and I wish you all the very best with your reconciliation. I will continue to remain in prayer for you!


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## HisMrs83

arbitrator said:


> Sounds like you have a well executed plan and I wish you all the very best with your reconciliation. I will continue to remain in prayer for you!



Thank you, Arbitrator! It's tough! I want to hug him, touch him and be his "wife." But I know I have to take it slow. I don't want to go through this again. I know couples disagree but I don't want to have to go to this extent again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HisMrs83

Update: The baby and I spent the night with my H for the first time this past wknd. It was really nice!!! We had movie night Saturday night and woke up and went to breakfast and the park on Sunday. All three of us slept in the bed together just like old times. It's been a slow start but we're moving... It's never awkward but we're moving really slowly. Sometimes it even gets frustrating! But I know we're doing it the right way. I'm really enjoying our "dates." So, I'm not in a rush to move back just yet.

Which brings me to ask this question... For those of you who have conquered the big R.... When did you feel you were ready, or, that it was the "right time" to move back home?


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## ferndog

HisMrs83 said:


> Update: The baby and I spent the night with my H for the first time this past wknd. It was really nice!!! We had movie night Saturday night and woke up and went to breakfast and the park on Sunday. All three of us slept in the bed together just like old times. It's been a slow start but we're moving... It's never awkward but we're moving really slowly. Sometimes it even gets frustrating! But I know we're doing it the right way. I'm really enjoying our "dates." So, I'm not in a rush to move back just yet.
> 
> Which brings me to ask this question... For those of you who have conquered the big R.... When did you feel you were ready, or, that it was the "right time" to move back home?


Family first. I'm glad he realized what he was losing. Single friends will sometimes get in the way but a strong person with a good head will always put family first. Sounds to me like you have a great guy that just needed focus. Wish both of you the best and always always communicate. Hug your daughter for me and love each other. Your doing it right, slowly. As far as when to move back in, well your heart will let you know. Just listen to it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HisMrs83

ferndog said:


> Family first. I'm glad he realized what he was losing. Single friends will sometimes get in the way but a strong person with a good head will always put family first. Sounds to me like you have a great guy that just needed focus. Wish both of you the best and always always communicate. Hug your daughter for me and love each other. Your doing it right, slowly. As far as when to move back in, well your heart will let you know. Just listen to it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'll give her TWO hugs just for you, Ferndog!!! xoxoxoxo... Thank you so much for all the positivity! He IS a great man with a great heart who loves us; and we love him. I'll continue to move slowly and take your advice along the way. My ears are open to my heart. Thank you.


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## This is me

Awesome. Like ferndog said, the heart should guide you.

I think each situation is unique with all the variables. 

Love reading your posts!

All the best to you and your family.


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## HisMrs83

This is me said:


> Awesome. Like ferndog said, the heart should guide you.
> 
> I think each situation is unique with all the variables.
> 
> Love reading your posts!
> 
> All the best to you and your family.



Thank you, This is me... I'm definately listening to it. And thank you for staying tuned in!! I appreciate all the positive support!!! xoxoxoxoxo


Update: Soooooo, this morning I received a text just after 6a.m. I've never received a text from him that early. Since moving out, I can't say that I've had a good nights rest. I do a lot of tossing and turning. I guess when you're so use to having your H/W to roll over to, things are weird once they're not there. Apparently, he's been experiencing the same. His text said that he couldn't sleep and misses us. I'm starting to think this time apart is coming to an end. Keep us in your prayers, TAM.

Thanks for reading.


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## This is me

That is good news. Boy do I remember the missing. Painful but important to experience.

All the best to you!!!


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## sadwithouthim

HisMrs83 said:


> Thank you, This is me... I'm definately listening to it. And thank you for staying tuned in!! I appreciate all the positive support!!! xoxoxoxoxo
> 
> 
> Update: Soooooo, this morning I received a text just after 6a.m. I've never received a text from him that early. Since moving out, I can't say that I've had a good nights rest. I do a lot of tossing and turning. I guess when you're so use to having your H/W to roll over to, things are weird once they're not there. Apparently, he's been experiencing the same. His text said that he couldn't sleep and misses us. I'm starting to think this time apart is coming to an end. Keep us in your prayers, TAM.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


Praying for your reconciliation. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HisMrs83

sadwithouthim said:


> Praying for your reconciliation. Good luck.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you, Sadwithouthim!!! Big hugs to you!!


Update: Father's Day went rather well. I planned out the entire day for him/us (or so I thought). But when I reached the house, I found out he didn't want to be apart of the "Father's Day crowd." So, the three of us stayed indoors. He opened his gifts and we ordered in. We spent the entire day together, just the three of us. We watched the NBA Finals that night and ate junk food (recking havoc on my diet! lol)... We're still enjoying each other's company. The air is very light. BUT it doesn't feel like we're walking on eggshells. I really do feel like everything is in the open and it's created a very harmonious atmosphere.

Confession: I left this out in my last update because I didn't want to disclose it right away. But our last encounter really made him emotional. I've known my H since we were 11, we're now 29 and I've NEVER seen him cry!!! Welllllll, apparently he has really been affected by everything that has happened: us being apart/sharing our daughter. He BROKE DOWN sobbing, you guys!  I was almost brought to tears watching him cry so hard. But I held it together because I knew I needed to be his shoulder so that he could start to heal from everything that's happened. 

Since then, we talk/text nearly everyday and see each other several times a week. He also called me on my job last week to add me to his health insurance because my employer recently canceled the companies policy. Soooooooooooooooo, we're still working at it. I'm currently trying to find a good MC because I still believe it'll do us good.

We're still hanging in there, TAM!!! :smthumbup:


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## TBT

You seem so well rounded,mature and aware in your thought process.You know yourself and that's great to see and especially important in R.Wish you the best.


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## HisMrs83

TBT said:


> You seem so well rounded,mature and aware in your thought process.You know yourself and that's great to see and especially important in R.Wish you the best.


Thank you very much, TBT. I went through alot growing up. Some ppl take life events and use them as negatives. I reversed it and used all of mine as positive stepping stones. I know myself very well because of it. I also know what I want from/for my marriage. I won't settle for less.

Blessings to you and yours! Big hugs! xoxoxoxoxoxo


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## lulubelle

wow, you are so strong! your story is so empowering- i'm so glad you shared it with all of us. thank you, and God bless!


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## HisMrs83

lulubelle said:


> wow, you are so strong! your story is so empowering- i'm so glad you shared it with all of us. thank you, and God bless!


Thank you, Lulubelle! God bless you also and goodluck with everything you may be facing.


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## turkish

I only wish my OH would be as grounded and determined as you are. Fair play to you. Sounds to me like you guys will be better than ever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

It's the small things/ changes someone does that let's you know they care. When your H was put on the spot and you put your foot down, that's when he started to realize he was not doing the rights things for his family. Small adjustments can be made or big changes can happen but in order for them to remain constant the person must want them. You both will be great. Sounds like both of you know you have someone special. 

Enjoy your family 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HisMrs83

ferndog said:


> It's the small things/ changes someone does that let's you know they care. When your H was put on the spot and you put your foot down, that's when he started to realize he was not doing the rights things for his family. Small adjustments can be made or big changes can happen but in order for them to remain constant the person must want them. You both will be great. Sounds like both of you know you have someone special.
> 
> Enjoy your family
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you so much for those words, Ferndog. I wholeheartedly agree with it all and especially the last sentence. We're still going strong. We've been hit with a lot of challenges but we're hanging in. 

Blessing to you all.


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## ferndog

Love is the most powerful thing in the world
True love works like this

Honesty - remain honest with your partner and yourself because along the way

Respect - is earned. They are your equal and you wouldn't hurt them do remain

Faithful - because sex/love is special and makes a bond between two beautiful. And never stop

Communication/ this is the key to any healthy loving relationship

Wish all the best this morning. If you are next to your partner . Let them know why you love them.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HisMrs83

ferndog said:


> Love is the most powerful thing in the world
> True love works like this
> 
> Honesty - remain honest with your partner and yourself because along the way
> 
> Respect - is earned. They are your equal and you wouldn't hurt them do remain
> 
> Faithful - because sex/love is special and makes a bond between two beautiful. And never stop
> 
> Communication/ this is the key to any healthy loving relationship
> 
> Wish all the best this morning. If you are next to your partner . Let them know why you love them.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Beautiful! Thank you for sharing this. :smthumbup:


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## 23YearWife

Hi, HisMrs83

I want to thank you for sharing your story. It's inspiring. I wish I'd done something like this years ago.

Many blessings to you both.


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## HisMrs83

turkish said:


> I only wish my OH would be as grounded and determined as you are. Fair play to you. Sounds to me like you guys will be better than ever.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm now seeing this, not sure why... But thank you VERY much, Turkish! I appreciate the words. With time you're OH may become what you need. Peace, Love & Blessings!


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## HisMrs83

23YearWife said:


> Hi, HisMrs83
> 
> I want to thank you for sharing your story. It's inspiring. I wish I'd done something like this years ago.
> 
> Many blessings to you both.



Thank you, 23YearWife. It was really difficult but it had to be done. I'd rather nip it all in the butt early on as opposed to being miserable for years to come.


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## HisMrs83

Update: Sooooo, a lot has happened. Some good. Some not so good. But through it all, we're still intact. My H was laid off about 3 weeks ago. He made more. So, of course it came as a blow. When he sat me down to break the news, my first reaction was, "I can carry the load alone until you get back on your feet." We knew things would be a little tight but my objective was to keep us afloat, regardless. Of course, he wasn't trying to hear of such thing but what choice did we really have??? I went back to the drawing board.... My second thought was.... Let's rent out our home and downsize!!!! BINGO!!! He agreed. So, that's now the plan. I work in a business that sits in a beautiful apartment complex. They're two separate entities... I applied, was approved and our move in date is the 17th of August. Our tenants will move in on the 28th of August. So, the mortgage will be paid and we will gain a profit and save since rent will be cheaper. He's still hitting the pavement looking and of course it causes him frustration and even irritation at times. I've had to let him know I'm on HIS team a few times when he has blown his lid. All he knows is work, so I really can't imagine what he's going through... With today's economic state, the last thing I wanted was to fall behind knowing there's no telling when a job offer will come through. Although he has a Master's Degree, nothing is for certain in these times... Hard hit... But all in all, we're making it work. I'm trying to show him that WE are in this together. He's always been a great provider. However, now that he's down, I'm going to step in and hold it together until he gets situated again. Keep us in your prayers!!!

Thanks for reading.


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## ferndog

HisMrs83 said:


> Update: Sooooo, a lot has happened. Some good. Some not so good. But through it all, we're still intact. My H was laid off about 3 weeks ago. He made more. So, of course it came as a blow. When he sat me down to break the news, my first reaction was, "I can carry the load alone until you get back on your feet." We knew things would be a little tight, but my objective was to keep us afloat, regardless. Of course, he really wasn't trying to hear of such thing, but what choice did we really have??? I went back to the drawing board.... My second thought was.... Let's rent out our home and downsize!!!! BINGO!!! So, that's now the plan. I work in a business that sits in a beautiful apartment complex. They're two separate entities though... I applied, was approved and our move in date is the 17th of August. Our tenants will move in on the 28th of August. So, the mortgage will be paid and we will gain a profit and save since rent is cheaper. He's still hitting the pavement looking and of course it causes him frustration and even irritation. I've had to let him know I'm on HIS team a few times when he's blown his top. But all in all, we're making it work.


My perception from observing couples (even myself when I was married) is the males are for the most part different than females.

We have an internal button that makes us shut down when we face problems. Men hide their problems and when this happens (we) tend to get frustrated because we cannot find the answers. We then tend to take it out on the person/people we love.
Men then tend to want to be alone during these times and don't want to bother anyone else

Women know how to love and be a great partner. They are loyal, dependable, caring etc. they are open with their problems and know the meaning of partnership.
The thing that bothers women the most is lack of attention. So the constant battle between the sexes is 

Men want to be alone and not worry others with problems
And women want attention/affection from their partner

I believe that if a man (in general) works on his communication skills and includes their partner in their concerns/problems then the relationship will be healthier/happier

Of course this is just my opinion and it's a great generalization but I think it holds some truth.

I only wrote this here because your husband is communicating with you and your showing what a loving partner would do and that is being there for the bad times.
You both came out with an option that will benefit your situation.

Renting, and moving out of your own home , who would want that? But with your actions you are showing that you would sacrifice comfort and move out because you love him. And in return he should (and in sure he will) by going out looking for another financial opportunity. He will look at you when all this is over and love you more than you know. It's actions like this that don't leave the heart. This is love and that's why I pull for both of you.

I would love to hear any other inputs on my observation.theory of men vs women .

Im always looking to learn
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HisMrs83

ferndog said:


> My perception from observing couples (even myself when I was married) is the males are for the most part different than females.
> 
> We have an internal button that makes us shut down when we face problems. Men hide their problems and when this happens (we) tend to get frustrated because we cannot find the answers. We then tend to take it out on the person/people we love.
> Men then tend to want to be alone during these times and don't want to bother anyone else
> 
> Women know how to love and be a great partner. They are loyal, dependable, caring etc. they are open with their problems and know the meaning of partnership.
> The thing that bothers women the most is lack of attention. So the constant battle between the sexes is
> 
> Men want to be alone and not worry others with problems
> And women want attention/affection from their partner
> 
> I believe that if a man (in general) works on his communication skills and includes their partner in their concerns/problems then the relationship will be healthier/happier
> 
> Of course this is just my opinion and it's a great generalization but I think it holds some truth.
> 
> I only wrote this here because your husband is communicating with you and your showing what a loving partner would do and that is being there for the bad times.
> You both came out with an option that will benefit your situation.
> 
> Renting, and moving out of your own home , who would want that? But with your actions you are showing that you would sacrifice comfort and move out because you love him. And in return he should (and in sure he will) by going out looking for another financial opportunity. He will look at you when all this is over and love you more than you know. It's actions like this that don't leave the heart. This is love and that's why I pull for both of you.
> 
> I would love to hear any other inputs on my observation.theory of men vs women .
> 
> Im always looking to learn
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ferndog, EVERYTHING you stated is correct observation! It's exactly what was happening!!! I was drawing closer and he was pushing away to deal with his problems. I sat him down and had to explain that this isn't HIS problem. It's OUR problem. OUR family is affected by it, not JUST him! I really had to nail it into his head, that I wasn't going to allow us to sink. That if we have to downsize for a year or two to pull through and not have to struggle, FINE. I just couldn't deal with being shut out. Or, him falling into depression or something. He's slowly getting it. He's communicating more and it's definitely helping us through this tough situation. 

Thank you for your words. They mean so much!


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## ferndog

I had (or have not sure) the same communication issues. Yes it leads to depression. And it takes a lot of work to get out of t
It. 

He has to communicate and once he is able to do this and express himself with you it will be that much better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HisMrs83

ferndog said:


> I had (or have not sure) the same communication issues. Yes it leads to depression. And it takes a lot of work to get out of t
> It.
> 
> 
> 
> He has to communicate and once he is able to do this and express himself with you it will be that much better.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I definitely agree!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lulubelle

i'm so glad to hear that you guys are working through this together. it makes me so happy to see your success!


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## This is me

Sorry to hear about the curve ball that came your way, but it sounds like you worked through it and found a solution.

I have had periods of out of work and actually as difficult and sad as it was to lose the jon identity, I have some fondness to new discoveries during that time and making it work.

All the best to you both!


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## HisMrs83

lulubelle said:


> i'm so glad to hear that you guys are working through this together. it makes me so happy to see your success!


Big hugs, Lulu! Thank you for the Positivity!!!

Thank you as well, This Is Me!!! I'm hoping a lot of positive will come out of this setback.


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## tombaby

This is inspirational. I'm hoping, just hoping my wife realizes we aren't worth giving up on. She moves into her apartment today. She filed for divorce last week, I haven't received papers, yet. I'm trying 180 and NC, but yesterday she wanted to do the pumpkin patch with the kids. We had a good time. She then suggested taking the kids to dinner. It was my day with our 2 year old, so i don't know if she just misses him, or me as well. 

She has told me she loves me. That love was never the problem. We've always had fights. One was physical, 2 years ago, but we recovered from that. Our main problem is communication. She says things one way, I hear them another. And we both get grumpy. She told me last night that she feels like it's easier to make a decision now because she doesn't have to try and make me happy. I told her this is what I always wanted, for her to choose what she wants. She also said that she feels like I'm more receptive now. That I actually hear what she's saying.

There was no talk of reconciliation, just being friends. I joked that I guess I shouldn't expect to be invited to Thanksgiving dinner. She laughed and said of course I was welcome. That she would prefer that to me being sad and alone. Then she offerred to bring a plate. It's confusing me. Why act like a family instead of be a family?


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## ferndog

tombaby said:


> This is inspirational. I'm hoping, just hoping my wife realizes we aren't worth giving up on. She moves into her apartment today. She filed for divorce last week, I haven't received papers, yet. I'm trying 180 and NC, but yesterday she wanted to do the pumpkin patch with the kids. We had a good time. She then suggested taking the kids to dinner. It was my day with our 2 year old, so i don't know if she just misses him, or me as well.
> 
> She has told me she loves me. That love was never the problem. We've always had fights. One was physical, 2 years ago, but we recovered from that. Our main problem is communication. She says things one way, I hear them another. And we both get grumpy. She told me last night that she feels like it's easier to make a decision now because she doesn't have to try and make me happy. I told her this is what I always wanted, for her to choose what she wants. She also said that she feels like I'm more receptive now. That I actually hear what she's saying.
> 
> There was no talk of reconciliation, just being friends. I joked that I guess I shouldn't expect to be invited to Thanksgiving dinner. She laughed and said of course I was welcome. That she would prefer that to me being sad and alone. Then she offerred to bring a plate. It's confusing me. Why act like a family instead of be a family?


Don't read to much into it. Let the holidays pass then in a couple of months let her know how you feel. If there is any chance it will take both of you. In the meantime stop analyzing her actions and words. She already told you. She loves you but she is unhappy (or she would not have left) so what mistakes or habits are you willing to admit and change to live a better life??
Do you give her affection??
Do you make love or have sex with her??
Do you help around the house??
Do you make her feel special??
Do you tell her you love her and show her???
Do you have bad habits??
Are you the best partner you can be??
These are things you should ask yourself then 
Are you willing to change?
If not then leave her alone.
It's not just your fault but you can only change yourself not her. 

If its true love then show her and hope you get her back. But don't give her a false you. Really become the best you can be so you both will remain not just married but happily married.
Go to YouTube . Type in walk away wife . It's the first video it runs about 5:30 minutes. It will help you understand
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tombaby

Yes, I've made plenty of mistakes. This time it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. She's also dealing with alot of other issues right now. Unfullifilled at work. Death of her grandmother (first death experience). But I recognize I need to change and will do so. I've already signed up for counseling the day she left. I'm on week 3.

Yes, I give her affection. Although, I may need to try a different method.

Yes, we have sex/make love. These are the times we feel closest. It is less frequent, but no less passionate. 

Yes, I help around the house, but I could do more. In fact I think my nitpicking lately has pushed her farther away. Work and School have occupied me lately, so I expected her to help a little more.

Special, That's a tough one. I'm not sure. I know I try and she says I do, but maybe I'm doing it wrong. We've had our ups and downs, but I really want her to feel special.

I tell her I love her everyday. Lol, Facebook is full of little notes of love. But I don't know if she FEELS it. I'm reading the 5 love languages, to try and get a better feel for it.

Yes, tons of bad habits and according to her, these are the reasons. I can be moody especially before a social outing. I'm stubborn and feel like I have to get the last word in. I can be critical too even when i don't mean to be. When we fight, I will at times break stuff. I have been working on it, but have a ways to go.

Are you the best partner you can be?? NO.

I AM WILLING TO CHANGE. I don't want to be the selfish man that pushed her away. I'm willing to change anything. Not just for her, but so I can be a happier healthier husband.


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## ferndog

tombaby said:


> Yes, I've made plenty of mistakes. This time it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. She's also dealing with alot of other issues right now. Unfullifilled at work. Death of her grandmother (first death experience). But I recognize I need to change and will do so. I've already signed up for counseling the day she left. I'm on week 3.
> 
> Yes, I give her affection. Although, I may need to try a different method.
> 
> Yes, we have sex/make love. These are the times we feel closest. It is less frequent, but no less passionate.
> 
> Yes, I help around the house, but I could do more. In fact I think my nitpicking lately has pushed her farther away. Work and School have occupied me lately, so I expected her to help a little more.
> 
> Special, That's a tough one. I'm not sure. I know I try and she says I do, but maybe I'm doing it wrong. We've had our ups and downs, but I really want her to feel special.
> 
> I tell her I love her everyday. Lol, Facebook is full of little notes of love. But I don't know if she FEELS it. I'm reading the 5 love languages, to try and get a better feel for it.
> 
> Yes, tons of bad habits and according to her, these are the reasons. I can be moody especially before a social outing. I'm stubborn and feel like I have to get the last word in. I can be critical too even when i don't mean to be. When we fight, I will at times break stuff. I have been working on it, but have a ways to go.
> 
> Are you the best partner you can be?? NO.
> 
> I AM WILLING TO CHANGE. I don't want to be the selfish man that pushed her away. I'm willing to change anything. Not just for her, but so I can be a happier healthier husband.


The good thing is she is still in your life so she will be able to see the changes. Dont fool yourself. It will take time and she may still not come back but do those changes honestly and true. It took me a year to finally like myself. I have come along way. My ex doesn't speak to me but I'm so glad I did change 

I will make a great partner to a special person.

Actions speak louder than words. So your on the right path. Keep focus and change for yourself not just for her and you won't lose with her or without her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oncehisangel

hey 83....

you are such a great self respecting woman..... glad your H woke up to see what a diamond he has ... wishing you many years ahead of love and laughter.


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