# On the other side now, karma or just bad luck?



## ohsolost (Aug 1, 2012)

where to even start. When i was in my early to mid 20s i was a terrible womanizer. I ruined relationships and was in general a selfish Dbag. All that changed when i met my wife. I have no idea how or what happened but something inside me changed. I dedicated the entirety of the last six years faithfully and (I thought ) happily to my wife and the two children we have. 

Then 6/8 of this year, I found some emails while I was looking for an account pw on a shared computer we have. They were between her and another man, talking about how she was lucky to have met this OM and how horrible life was with me. This guy was from another country, so I am fairly certain it was not a PA. So I read these things while she is at work. Oh yeah , I am a stay at home dad. I have two ruptured disks in my lower back and wicked sciatic pain in both legs. Even still I clean the house and take care of the children and do my damnedest to perform my husbandly duty, and I try not to complain too much about the pain. 

anyhow i confronted her via phone when i discovered them and she tried to blow it off. When she got home she claimed to have had this email "friend" since about the first of the year and things progressed to the point where I found the emails. Now they were dated April 30. She told me it went on a few days and the guilt was too much and she ended it. She also deleted all the emails before i could sort thru them all. and claimed she would be 100% honest with me from now on and open transparency and all that. So flash forward to fathers day, or rather the morning after fathers day. I wake up and go to check her phone and found she had been flirting with someone that was supposed to be a friend of the family, he lives in another state. It was only one comment and he did not seem to reciprocate the flirt but none the less we cut off all contact. 

At that point I felt like a moron, a complete sucker. Still do now that I reread it all. Even more as I keep finding things out, like not just a few days but at least 2-3 weeks. I suspect longer but have no proof. But with my past in mind, and the change from a rotten person to a loving soul she initiated in me made me be firm but forgiving (again). I demanded MC and IC, again she not only re agreed to transparency but she of her own accord changed her work email and personal email so there could be no contact from the org. OM. Also she installed a GPS tracker on her cell phone for me so I can see where she is if want to. 

She had a rough upbringing and had some major personal traumas she never got help for. Which she is now doing, we are both going to IC and are in the works for group therapy with both our therapists and us sitting down and doing some work. She has been extremely remorseful during all this, and guilty. She actually had some suicidal thoughts that lit a fire under our butts to set up the therapy. 

She has been a good woman to the children and myself up to this point. And it really blindsided me. Out of it all though the words I read in those emails hurt more than any physical pain I have endured. I always was trying to get her feedback on life things from extra housework to what to watch or do for entertainment to how our relationship was going. And it was always met with everything is fine. although admitted our intimacy died off during those months of her contact with the OM. But the words, oh god I just don't know how to scrape them out of my head. 


She from the start has been full on telling me she never loved the OM and she loves me and is in love with me. I just have a hard time with it because she has been telling me that the whole time of the affair. Sorry this is so scatered my head is still wraping around it all. Gah I let this get out of hand sorry. edit if down if you need to. 


~Ohsolost I am


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## ohsoalone (Jun 29, 2012)

Ohsolost.... I really dont have any advice for u as im am going thru the same thing. I am 7 wks out from Dday from my H's EA. I know u will get some good advice on CWI as I look on here every day just to cope and see that things can and do get better. Keep ur chin up and know u r not the reason for this betrail!!! I wish u luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

start off by reading the newbie link in my signature please


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Go and see your doctor.

I dont know if your wife knows your per-marital affairs. I doubt.


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## ohsolost (Aug 1, 2012)

Thanks for the suggestions. I have not talked with family or friends about any of this and only had two IC sessions so far and I have been apprehensive to delve into it there. I think it helped a little just to get it all off my chest. And I will take heed to the suggestions, thanks again.


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## ohsolost (Aug 1, 2012)

Yes I have disclosed in full my past. And I have been tested a couple times over the last 5 years. My primary care provider is awesome. My main worry has been HIV/AIDS but the doc assures me im in the clear by this point. My affairs also never involved her, just to be clear. I have been 100% open and honest with my wife about my past. And have remained 100% faithful since we first started dating, a full year before we married.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

ohsolost said:


> Oh yeah , I am a stay at home dad. I have two ruptured disks in my lower back and wicked sciatic pain in both legs. Even still* I clean the house and take care of the children* and do my damnedest to perform my husbandly duty, and I try not to complain too much about the pain.


OSL, I'm sorry that ytou are here. You need to read the 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' and 'The Married Man's Sex Life' (which is really a lot more than a sex manual.)

Basically, it looks like your wife has lost her attraction for you. In her eyes, you are a beta male and what she really wants is one that is alpha.

Like you, I did a lot of cooking and cleaning around the house and thought that my ex would've been ecstatic to have me do so. I now realize that consciously (or subconsciously) these actions made me appear less of a man to her.

Stick around, you'll get some great advice here.


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## linwoodja (Aug 3, 2012)

I look on here every day just to cope and see that things can and do get better.


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