# Am I overreacting? (wife hanging out with male friend)



## kaiman

I have been happily married to my wife for 7 years now (we are both 32 years old, with 2 kids aged 7 and 5). A few years ago, my wife and one of her male co-worker started hanging out more frequently (he would pick her up and bring her to lunch regularly, text her constantly and occasionally hang out outside of work, making an effort to meet her whenever she was going out with friends or work). This continued after he changed jobs. I never though any more of it, as he also had a wife and kid of his own. One weekend, he texted my wife to ask her to go get a beer with him that night. That made me really uncomfortable (I'm not usually the jealous type). I asked her if the guy had a thing for her, and she told me she was pretty sure he didn't. She then showed me (voluntarily) her past conversations with him, and it became fairly clear (at least in my point of view) that he wanted to be more than just friends (calling her "beautiful" all the time, stating that he was missing her, complaining about his own wife, etc), even though my wife was still insisting that he only wanted to be friends...

Now I know my wife would never let it evolve to anything more (she loves me, and we have always been open and had respect for each other). But I asked her if she could stop going on what they called their lunch dates and to make sure to let him know that she wasn't interested in making their relationship go further (might not have been the proper way to handle the situation). She got a bit upset (she felt I was trying to take away one of her good friends), and decided to simply stop talking to him. I told her I didn't mind that she talked to him, but to simply not be as "close" with him.

Flash-forward to these days; she has since started talking to him again (but no longer going on lunch dates). She did tell him that she only wanted to be friends, and he replied that he was indeed trying to pick her up and that he was sorry as he believed she was willing to have an affair. He said he was ok with being "just friends". A couple of weeks ago, my wife went out to an event with a few of her girl friends. After the event they all went to her friend's house, where a bunch of them went to a bar afterwards (my wife stayed behind as she didn't feel good). He texted her to tell her he was waiting for her to get there and asked why she didn't go. This made me uncomfortable (again), as he still wants to hang out with her (he never hangs out with her when I'm there, only when I'm not) and I talked to her about it. This time she got really upset, as she doesn't see it the same way as I do, that there are no problems because she would never let anything develop or get further than being just friends. She again felt I was trying to get rid of her good friend, one of the "very few that are there for her, that can offer a shoulder to cry on".

Am I reacting properly to the situation? Is there any way we should/could handle it better? I don't want to be the type of husband that controls his wife, but at the same time I'm having a really hard time accepting the situation.


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## MattMatt

Your wife is wrong. He is NOT her good friend.

Just because a jewel thief likes to hang round the premises of a jewellers does NOT mean he wants to be a good friend of the jeweller. Quite the oposite in fact.

This might need to be moved to CWI as you are coping with infidelity even if you didn't know that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam

Her behavior is completely inappropriate. And your reaction is too passive. So no, you are NOT responding to this appropriately. You're being bullied by your wife and letting her anger cause you to fear your natural reaction.

The only reason she would even talk to this scumbag is because she likes the attention and is flattered by his pursuit. I am in a committed relationship and I would be majorly p*ssed if some guy told me he was hoping to start an affair with me. And I would tell him in no uncertain terms where to stick it.

Personally, I'd call this d*uche up and tell him to stay the h*ll away from my wife. Especially after he admitted he was hoping to start an affair.

If your wife can't understand this, then her boundaries are severely out of whack. Counseling is in order to help set her straight.


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## DoneWithHurting

No you are not wrong. She is. Slam the hammer down hard. It's him or you


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## italianjob

kaiman said:


> I have been happily married to my wife for 7 years now (we are both 32 years old, with 2 kids aged 7 and 5). A few years ago, my wife and one of her male co-worker started hanging out more frequently (he would pick her up and bring her to lunch regularly, text her constantly and occasionally hang out outside of work, making an effort to meet her whenever she was going out with friends or work). This continued after he changed jobs. I never though any more of it, as he also had a wife and kid of his own. One weekend, he texted my wife to ask her to go get a beer with him that night. That made me really uncomfortable (I'm not usually the jealous type). I asked her if the guy had a thing for her, and she told me she was pretty sure he didn't. She then showed me (voluntarily) her past conversations with him, and it became fairly clear (at least in my point of view) that he wanted to be more than just friends (calling her "beautiful" all the time, stating that he was missing her, complaining about his own wife, etc), even though my wife was still insisting that he only wanted to be friends...
> 
> Now I know my wife would never let it evolve to anything more (she loves me, and we have always been open and had respect for each other). But I asked her if she could stop going on what they called their lunch dates and to make sure to let him know that she wasn't interested in making their relationship go further (might not have been the proper way to handle the situation). She got a bit upset (she felt I was trying to take away one of her good friends), and decided to simply stop talking to him. I told her I didn't mind that she talked to him, but to simply not be as "close" with him.
> 
> Flash-forward to these days; she has since started talking to him again (but no longer going on lunch dates). She did tell him that she only wanted to be friends, and he replied that he was indeed trying to pick her up and that he was sorry as he believed she was willing to have an affair. He said he was ok with being "just friends". A couple of weeks ago, my wife went out to an event with a few of her girl friends. After the event they all went to her friend's house, where a bunch of them went to a bar afterwards (my wife stayed behind as she didn't feel good). He texted her to tell her he was waiting for her to get there and asked why she didn't go. This made me uncomfortable (again), as he still wants to hang out with her (he never hangs out with her when I'm there, only when I'm not) and I talked to her about it. This time she got really upset, as she doesn't see it the same way as I do, that there are no problems because she would never let anything develop or get further than being just friends. She again felt I was trying to get rid of her good friend, one of the "very few that are there for her, that can offer a shoulder to cry on".
> 
> Am I reacting properly to the situation? Is there any way we should/could handle it better? I don't want to be the type of husband that controls his wife, but at the same time I'm having a really hard time accepting the situation.


I think you have been a bit too much naive for a long time, and I suspect you don't really know even a quarter of it...

If everything your wife told you was true (and mind you, I think she's keeping worlds hidden from you on the subject) it would be highly improper of her hanging out with someone who was admittedly interested in having an affair with her. I think you should ask her to go completely NC with the guy.

By the way, I also think you should dig a little more and investigate this matter, there's much to be found IMO.


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## GTdad

kaiman said:


> She did tell him that she only wanted to be friends, and he replied that he was indeed trying to pick her up and that he was sorry as he believed she was willing to have an affair.


Well, at least you don't have to guess as to this guy's intentions. This is when all contact between he and your wife should have ended.



kaiman said:


> This time she got really upset, as she doesn't see it the same way as I do, that there are no problems because she would never let anything develop or get further than being just friends. She again felt I was trying to get rid of her good friend, one of the "very few that are there for her, that can offer a shoulder to cry on".


This is where your wife is dead wrong. The appropriate response, once she knew he was actively trying to get her in the sack would have been to cut off all contact. Since she has her head up her ass (and that's giving her the benefit of the doubt), you're going to have to clearly state that you're not okay with this at all, and if she continues to socialize with him, it's going to have some pretty big ramifications for the marriage. Suggest to her that she'd better choose wisely.


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## Marduk

Your wife is willing to be in contact with a married man that's open about the fact that he wants to have an affair with her?

Here's what you do.

Insist on NC out of sheer respect for your marriage and you. She's not guilty of having an affair, she's guilty of not having good boundaries or respect. 

Contact his wife and send her copies of the texts where he's open about trying to have an affair with your wife.

Then contact him and tell him in no uncertain terms to stay the hell away from your wife.


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## EVG39

Not much to add but just to ditto what Italian Job above said, I would move into stealth mode ASAP. Your wife's reaction ought to give you the he-be-jeebees. To put it bluntly its not the way a happily married woman would react my friend. And based on her reaction make this one a hard boundary with her no contact period and let him know you know what kind of game he's running and let him know if values his..... he will stay far, far away from your wife.


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## ConanHub

You are totally wrong to be such an amazing doormat.
Might want to DNA test your kids.

Get your T levels checked and maybe a mental health evaluation.

Your reaction to your wife's stupidity with a man that has come right out and said he wants to fvck her is extremely pathetic.

Is your wife a trashy woman?

Does it really not register that being friends with a man that wants to fvck her is catastrophically stupid?

Maybe she isn't that stupid.

Maybe she just knows you are a pushover?

Man up brother! This situation is ridiculous!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## depressedandexhausted

Holy crap this hits home. You are responding exactly how I did, passive with too much trust. It is ok to trust your wife. It really is. However, dont trust this other guy. Blatent and blind trust will erode away as you give an inch and she takes a mile.

Your wife is not stupid. She knows this guy wants her, she either is having an Affair or she is leading this guy on for the attention. I just went through this. You need to immediately find out who this guy is married to, and tell her this OM's plan to get with your wife. Then after that you need to lay some boundaries, and stick with them. No tip toeing around the subject. You need to give her an ultimatum. It is either this guy or you, no if ands or butts. She knows what she is doing.

If you do not take care of this situation in one of the ways that have been described to you here, I am sorry to say if it hasnt already it will become physical. As soon as your marriage starts getting rocky, which it will if for nothing but because of this situation, this guy will take a step in to take advantage of the situation.

I did the same as you, I gave my wife a mile of trust. She said he was just a friend. Later it went from casual conversation to sexting. If you love this woman you need to be firm and solid. If you are not, then she my friend will not stop.

Only thing I did different is I stuck to my boundaries and refused to deal with her crap, you need to do the same.


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## kaiman

Thanks for the feedback guys. No, my wife is not trashy, she's really the total opposite. She's a genuinely nice person, pretty much friendly with every one. She's always had mostly guy friends growing up, including some that wanted to hook up with her as well, so this to her just feels like another of those friends. I genuinely think she believes there is nothing wrong with the situation, and believe her when she says that she wouldn't let it go further.


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## italianjob

kaiman said:


> Thanks for the feedback guys. No, my wife is not trashy, she's really the total opposite. She's a genuinely nice person, pretty much friendly with every one. She's always had mostly guy friends growing up, including some that wanted to hook up with her as well, so this to her just feels like another of those friends. I genuinely think she believes there is nothing wrong with the situation, and believe her when she says that she wouldn't let it go further.


I'm afraid you believe too much, kaiman.

There's nothing normal in the situation you described, and a married woman with no ill intention should know it.


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## Marduk

kaiman said:


> Thanks for the feedback guys. No, my wife is not trashy, she's really the total opposite. She's a genuinely nice person, pretty much friendly with every one. She's always had mostly guy friends growing up, including some that wanted to hook up with her as well, so this to her just feels like another of those friends. I genuinely think she believes there is nothing wrong with the situation, and believe her when she says that she wouldn't let it go further.


You could very well be right.

However, you wouldn't be the first husband to be sure about this to be dead wrong.

Either she has really poor boundaries (and needs to understand that and grow up about it) or she's seeking ego-validation by being open to him (and you need to know that) or she's open to having an affair (and you need to know that, too).

Either way, what you do about that is the same. What I said above. No contact, tell his wife, confront him.


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## Thor

Kaiman, you're getting good advice, and I agree with it.

Your wife likes the attention, and it is quite possible she has no intention at all of straying. This is a classic set up for the emotional attachment and affair! It happens all the time with women, where the first thing they say after the train wreck is they never intended for it to happen the way it did. Don't believe her that she says there's nothing going on, because she at least is getting a bit of a kick out of his attention and out of knowing he wants her sexually. It is 100% normal human psychology. When you get a nice smile from an attractive woman it makes you feel good. There's nothing wrong with that in isolation but when it becomes frequent from the same person it can get a hook into you psychologically. You start feeling good at the thought of seeing the woman because you know she likes you. And so you slide down the slippery slope, all the time thinking it is harmless and you aren't really doing anything wrong. This is what your wife is doing. She is in denial that she is getting an emotional boost out of this, and in denial that things can get beyond her control.

Note too that this guy is a predator. He isn't just some schmoe who happens to be a casual acquaintance of your wife, he is out hunting for pvssy to nail. He is working her. This is almost certainly not his first affair, so he has some skill at grooming women and taking advantage of whatever weakness he finds.

Boundaries. That is what you need, she needs, and your marriage needs. She should be guarding the marriage by being alert to potential threats and then putting up walls to keep those threats out. This guy is an obvious threat! You have every right and obligation to also put up walls to keep this guy out. You should set a boundary with her that you will not be in a marriage with a woman who is dating other men.

I would do some quick snooping before saying anything. For about a week or so, depending on how often they have contact, I'd be gathering intel via a VAR in her car, a keylogger on the computer she uses, and reviewing all the phone bills and other financial statements. You're looking for how much contact she has with this guy, and any smoking guns such as credit card charges at hotels or charges from places/towns she supposedly wasn't at. You can search her dresser drawers for anything suspicious like lingerie she never wears for you, condoms, etc. While I think it sounds unlikely she is in a physical affair at this point in time, it is wise to do a bit of looking in case she is.

Once you've done the snooping you will hopefully know she is not in a sexual affair and that she isn't deep into an emotional affair saying she loves him while talking on her phone in the car. At that point you lay the new ground rules out. She will respect you for mate guarding even though she will likely be upset and argue with you about it.


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## Lostinthought61

Kaiman, i have to wonder does the guy's wife know that he made intentions upon your wife for something more then friendship? while i believe your wife to up standing i have to say her selection on guy friend, particular this one is flawed. have you had a face to face discussion with him and told him your intention of going to his wife with what you wife said if so much as thinks about wanting more from your wife?


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## ConanHub

kaiman said:


> Thanks for the feedback guys. No, my wife is not trashy, she's really the total opposite. She's a genuinely nice person, pretty much friendly with every one. She's always had mostly guy friends growing up, including some that wanted to hook up with her as well, so this to her just feels like another of those friends. I genuinely think she believes there is nothing wrong with the situation, and believe her when she says that she wouldn't let it go further.


Are you really this naive?

Your wife has zero respect for you or her marriage if keeping this idiot confessed cheater that wants to bang her around is such a priority for her.

Nice, or not, her behavior is certainly trashy to value such a crappie human being as a friend over protecting her marriage.

She has trashy values to value a friendship with a man that doesn't care a shyt about his own family and wouldn't mind destroying hers for the sake of his crotch.

No. Your wife is not a nice person to value such a friendship so highly.

I think your value system must be pretty muddled as well to even be taking the stance you are.

You aren't the first willfully blind and passive man and you won't be the last sadly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67

ConanHub said:


> Are you really this naive?
> 
> Your wife has zero respect for you or her marriage if keeping this idiot confessed cheater that wants to bang her around is such a priority for her.
> 
> Nice, or not, her behavior is certainly trashy to value such a crappie human being as a friend over protecting her marriage.
> 
> She has trashy values to value a friendship with a man that doesn't care a shyt about his own family and wouldn't mind destroying hers for the sake of his crotch.
> 
> No. Your wife is not a nice person to value such a friendship so highly.
> 
> I think your value system must be pretty muddled as well to even be taking the stance you are.
> 
> You aren't the first willfully blind and passive man and you won't be the last sadly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:
Ask her if it was the other way around if you had a female "friend" would she like it?
Of course not.
Please read this https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf


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## MJJEAN

Your wife's "friend" already admitted to her that he wanted to have an affair with her. Once she told him she is not interested in an affair, he should have beat a retreat. Which means that he is still her "friend" because he is hoping she will change her mind or that he can change her mind for her. He's just waiting for an opening, when she's in some way vulnerable, to make a move. 

I have no issues with man-woman friendships. But I do have in place rules for those friendships. One is that we aren't to be friends with anyone we used to have sex with or with anyone who has stated or implied sexual interest.

Your wife isn't thinking about this clearly. There is no way this can end well. Either she'll eventually break her vows or her "friend" will give up the chase and move on. In the meantime, she is damaging her relationship with you. She is aiding him in damaging his relationship with his wife. They are both investing emotional and intellectual energy that should be directed toward their marriages. 

Why? All so she can be faux friends with a guy who only became her friend in order to get into her pants? Talk about tossing pearls before swine!

My DH had a similar "friend". We fought about it for a long while. Him saying he had no interest in her other than friends and that her interest didn't matter. However, I felt she was NOT a friend of our marriage, a manipulative <insert the C word> and I know she liked to whisper things in the DH's ear that caused issues. Like, when I told him I was serious about him not talking to her anymore he called her to let her know he was ending the friendship and why. She then goes on this long rant about how they were friends (and more) before we met and how I have no right to tell him who his friends can be, etc.

Shortly after that conversation, I finally had an AH-HA! moment. I told DH that he and his friend were absolutely correct. I couldn't pick his friends for him. I had no right to tell him who he could or could not speak to. But I did have a right to decide what I will and will not put up with and that if he was going to persist in this "friendship" I had every right to leave him over it.

They haven't spoken since. 

Stop arguing with her. State your position, that it is inappropriate for a married woman to be friends with a man who is trying to screw her, and that you aren't having it. Full stop. No further need to discuss. Choose. Marriage or "friendship". End of story. And mean it! 

You also might want to talk to her about the appearance of impropriety. How many people who know of this friendship, especially colleagues, think something is going on between them? I'd bet there is some office gossip about them. She doesn't have to be doing it for the court of public opinion to convict her. And that could cause professional issues galore. I know I wouldn't promote or assign projects to a worker I believe to be engaged in an extramarital romance with another employee. And I certainly wouldn't be friendly toward a someone I worked with that I suspected was involved in an affair. It's not just the trust and esteem of the spouses at stake here. Reputation, professional and personal, is also on the line.


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## convert

I think it is time to tell the OM's wife and DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE you are doing this.

This is an EA (emotional affair) at the very least. or at the very least one sided on the OM's part anyway.

He is trying to hook up with your wife he has made his intention known.

One way to stop an affair is to *EXPOSE* (tell the OM's wife)

If not he is going to keep trying and when you and your wife are at an all time low maybe with a big fight or whatever it will probably go PA.


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## convert

Would your wife be OK if you had a women friend that you went out with all the time?
one that made her intention known that she wanted an affair with you?


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## Marduk

convert said:


> Would your wife be OK if you had a women friend that you went out with all the time?
> one that made her intention known that she wanted an affair with you?


Actually, that worked for me.

"You know, you just made it OK for me to do this."

Resulted in "Fine, go ahead."

And I smiled and turned around and walked away.

And then within about an hour it was "You weren't texting X or Y were you?"

Where X and Y were attractive women who expressed interest in me that my wife clearly forbade. I didn't actually have to do anything.

It didn't stop anything, but it did tell me that she didn't believe her own BS.


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## convert

marduk said:


> Actually, that worked for me.
> 
> "You know, you just made it OK for me to do this."
> 
> Resulted in "Fine, go ahead."
> 
> And I smiled and turned around and walked away.
> 
> And then within about an hour it was "You weren't texting X or Y were you?"
> 
> Where X and Y were attractive women who expressed interest in me that my wife clearly forbade. I didn't actually have to do anything.
> 
> It didn't stop anything, *but it did tell me that she didn't believe her own BS.*


Yep, it is amazing sometimes you have to turn it around so they can see their own BS.

and sometimes it does stop their BS too.


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## JohnA

Kalman,

You are getting blunt but honest advise that you should follow on. You are in denial, you believe in trust and understanding being the foundation to a good and healthy marriage. And she is telling you to make her stop is a breach of this. A good marriage has healthy boundaries. 

Boundaries are those habits we adopt to protect that what is precious to use to prevent loss. They must be reasonable and use to control a spouse. But they are a must. Spending time with a person who wants to have intercourse with her is insane. It is not her the counts it is also him. Every marriage has very low points. You must have boundaries that protect yourself from making a fatal mistake and devastating your wife mistakes. AS DOES SHE. 

There reasons she is refusing to acknowledging this fact. "I am strong" is pride, pride goeth before fall. You have a fatal flaw in your marriage. Share more info about you, your children, your interactions with your family. Info on her pre marriage back to childhood is critical. Ask a mod to move this thread to the private section. We have so much to share, keep posting. Your life is in crisis, protect it.


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## JohnA

Kalmam, one other point on friendships. Someone can not be friends with an enemy of the marriage. Why is he friends with her? He wants to have intercourse with her. He is just building up IOUs to get it. There are reasons she has chosen to allow this. There are other issues within your marriage that are causing them. I asked for more info in an attempt to uncover them. He is playing her by using false hope and answers. This link will tell you exactly who he is. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/privat...rriage-recently-found-out-2.html#post13105770 scoll about half wau down. Do not discuss or show it to your wife at this time. No matter how true she will see it as yet another attempt to control her. Right now yur biggest problem is you cannot communicate with your wife. Let's talk about that.


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## WorkingOnMe

This is what **** blocking was invented for. Show up on his doorstep and tell him in no uncertain terms (and in front of his wife) to back off.


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## WorkingOnMe

I'd be shocked if she wasn't already banging him.


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## lifeistooshort

Your wife likes the attention, at the very least. And if she's such a great person why does she need to cry on the shoulder of someone else's husband?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MachoMcCoy

End this. Now.


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## MattMatt

kaiman said:


> Thanks for the feedback guys. No, my wife is not trashy, she's really the total opposite. She's a genuinely nice person, pretty much friendly with every one. She's always had mostly guy friends growing up, including some that wanted to hook up with her as well, so this to her just feels like another of those friends. I genuinely think she believes there is nothing wrong with the situation, and believe her when she says that she wouldn't let it go further.


In my experience women who seem trashy often aren't. And those who don't look trashy, well...

Your wife is cheating on you.

It might have gone physical, it might not.

By vigilant. 

And please ask a moderator to move your thread to CWI.


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## JustAFamilyMan

Even in the marriage I'm in now where I -desperately- crave validation and affirmation of my attractiveness as a man and mate I would never, ever maintain a friendship where someone is clearly interested in a romantic affair. Why? Because my need for validation and affirmation is not greater than the responsibility I feel to my wife and family, to respect their status the same way I would want mine respected. 

She's putting her individuals needs ahead of yours and your marriage. This is more than friendship and it's dangerous. Like any addiction, what is giving her the high she's getting now will start to feel dull and she will ramp up the situation to get stronger reactions out of him to get that high again. Eventually there is no place left to go but PA, and if she's made the call to put you and the marriage second now... you don't stand a great chance at her drawing the line then. Much more likely she will justify it and cheat.

It's ok to tell her that no contact is the only thing you can accept and why. Really. You deserve to feel comfortable and respected in your marriage. She doesn't have to say yes. She can leave, or ignore your request and force you to decide what you're willing to do and tolerate, but you should and have every right to set the boundary as you see fit.


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## ThePheonix

_"she doesn't see it the same way as I do, *that there are no problems because she would never let anything develop or get further than being just friends.* She again felt I was trying to get rid of her good friend, one of the "very few that are there for her, that can offer a shoulder to cry on"._

What do you expect her to say; "hey, he wants to get in my pants and you know what they say about anything being possible." ? There are several women I know that has told their husbands the same thing she's telling you. Her good friend my azz. Take my word Dawg; your wife knows the score and if she was really focused on her marriage and you, this discussion wouldn't be happening. 
You know what you need to do. Make it happen.


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## Roselyn

Career woman here & 35 years married (first marriage for the both of us). Your wife is having an emotional affair with this man. Your wife is playing with fire and it's a matter of time when both of you will get burnt. This is where most physical affairs begin.

Inform the Other Man's wife of her husband's activities and your wife's. Give her evidence. Do not tell your wife what you're about to do. You can't stop your wife from continuing her relationship with this man. However, you can stop being married to her. Be vigilant and follow her in some nights to her going out drinking activities with her "friends". Observe their interactions at a distance.

You will be surprised at what you will find. She has no boundaries, especially for a mother of two young children. You need to not be passive about her relationships with men.


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## Bribie

Re am i over-reacting (wife hanging out with male friend)?
Based on personal experience, I think you are right to be concerned. After seven years of marriage and one child, I took an evening job, because teachers in the Uk were not well paid 60 years ago. Our son was a difficult child and my wife had just lost her dearly loved father. She was, I guess, somewhat stressed, depressed and vulnerable. Anyhow, about this time, an old friend of ours returned to the UK and became a frequent visitor to our home.He had a well paid job and a flash car. I am not sure whether he deliberately set out to seduce my wife, but that is what happened.It started innocently enough, when my wife wanted to see a film showing on an evening I was working and our friend offered to take her.This was the first of several occasions when he took her to entertainments on nights when I was working. At first, I was quite grateful to him, because she was clearly enjoying the chance of an evening out and I could not oblige. I was very naieve in those days! However, as the outings continued, her return home got later and later- up to 2oclock in the morning. Not long after this she told me she was in love with our friend and planned to join him on his next overseas posting. I eventually dissuaded her by appealing to her better nature and we are still together some 60 years later, although our relationship has never fully recovered. Be warned that even those of us with strong moral principles may go astray if circumstances combine against us.


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