# Update



## WTHISTHIS? (Dec 26, 2012)

Quick update after additional observations...(thank you for your continued wisdom).

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/63911-trying-gain-different-perspective.html

She is talking to her girl friends (which want nothing to do with me anymore). She is deleting the conversations and leaving her phone out in the car all the time. I know the code and check it, but sms is getting deleted. One of her friends husband text me to ask if things are ok and his wife is worried? He is the same person that told me that her behavior was not right with the jailbird.

She plays games on ipad ALL the time. I have checked everything ...no incriminating sms, no emails, no hidden emails BUT she is deleting her sms, browser history, and uses my daughters fb account. Again no evidence yet but really really strange behavior...

Just trying to make sense of it all...


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Install a keylogger on the computer she uses. You'll catch any secret email accounts she has or even Facebook messages she sends then deletes.

Which phone is she using? Have you checked the phone bill or called the service provider for which numbers are being called and texted a lot?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WTHISTHIS? (Dec 26, 2012)

iphone and I have extracted everything I could off backups but find nothing. I have reviewed cell bills, nothing other than her girl friends. I will do the keylogger to see what she doing on kids fb account.

It just does not add up...and I am in the security business. LOL People normally do not wipe things as a normal practice, so when I see it I get really suspicious....


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

How do you know they are to her gf's? By their number or the name under contacts? Or by what the content is?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WTHISTHIS? (Dec 26, 2012)

Name and number, I have their numbers on my phone as well. They use to be good friends of mine until about July Aug this year when "something" happened. Im not sure what, other than they are no longer talking to me. My W even says that no one will talk about the elephant in the room. I asked what she thought it was, but she says she does not know.

But why all the cover up and talking behind my back? My logic says that either she is bad mouthing me or they know something about what I fear happened in July Aug timeframe (EA or PA).


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## WTHISTHIS? (Dec 26, 2012)

ahhhhh, she has been playing that quite a bit...all the time actually. THANK YOU


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Willing to bet she's been bad-mouthing to the friends, possibly as a prelude to revealing that she's seeing someone else.

Good luck uncovering this one

Do you have a VAR in her car?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

WTHISTHIS? said:


> Name and number, I have their numbers on my phone as well. They use to be good friends of mine until about July Aug this year when "something" happened. Im not sure what, other than they are no longer talking to me. My W even says that no one will talk about the elephant in the room. I asked what she thought it was, but she says she does not know.
> 
> But why all the cover up and talking behind my back? My logic says that either she is bad mouthing me or they know something about what I fear happened in July Aug timeframe (EA or PA).


Meet them, just ask them candidly what's going on they cut off you. What's the Jul/Ago elephant.
Deal with things directly. Bea assertive, don't asume a thing.
It means, snoop deeper (keylogger, VARs) and face the issues, with her, with "friends". Then monitor the aftermath, watch the fireworks.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Have you put a VAR in the car? Maybe you can see what she is saying to her GF's about you. There may also be one that she has disclosed if there is an A going on.

Keylogger!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Meet them, just ask them candidly what's going on they cut off you. What's the Jul/Ago elephant.
> Deal with things directly. Bea assertive, don't asume a thing.
> It means, snoop deeper (keylogger, VARs) and face the issues, with her, with "friends". Then monitor the aftermath, watch the fireworks.


Tell them you are very worried about your wife, ask them if they know what is going on.

And is it possible she had a burner phone?


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## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> And is it possible she had a burner phone?


This would be my presumption. Nothing's changed, she's just taken the game underground. I couldn't really tell from the original post, but did you confront your wife about your concerns? If so, I think it's probably a case of you do not talk about Fight Club.


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## WTHISTHIS? (Dec 26, 2012)

Thank you all so much for generating ideas for me. I was able to snag the phone and sync with itunes to snag the backup. I found a couple of photos that troubled me a bit (more like WTF?) , BUT nothing else. It appears that I cant get the deleted text using Wondershare DR.Fone. I guess if the phone is not syncd, the delete text are gone. Any other good sms recovery tools that are known to work well?

She might have a burner but I have checked her car. Nothing found yet. I will approach her friends to ask them, but the last time I said I was, she wanted to stay with me during the conversation. I kept saying I will call in a minute, to see how responded. She stood right there waiting, then decided to call the one I was going to call and went in the other room to have a discussion.

I found out from one of her friend's husbands that he heard some bad mouthing going on. I asked her what she was saying and she told me some bs about it. He is the one who raised my suspicion originally.


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## WTHISTHIS? (Dec 26, 2012)

Oh, since I monitor the home computer she has not used her account in over 3 months. I have gone through that with a fine tooth comb.

She only uses my daughter's account to login and check on people with her facebook account. W deleted her own a few months back. To quick for me to respond properly  I do remember she wanted to see if I could retrieve some old messages from my daughter's Facebook. When I showed her how easy it was, she was like "ohhhh, got ya" then the next thing I know..she deleted hers.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Did you know that you can block Facebook at your home router. That means no one in the house can access it but you can be sure that she won't be.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Check the main folder where the texts are stored. The program you used might have missed a few possibly.

Way to retrieve deleted text messages from iphone - Truth About Deception


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What a miserable woman!!

And she probably bad mouthed you to all her friends and made you an abuser or a deviant. Or she made you a partner in some of the stuff she did. Better talk to them one on one on what happened. Reach out to them and ask for help.

Then talk to the guy(the one who texted you). Meet him for drinks and discuss as much as you can.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Can you jail break an ipad ?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Can you jail break an ipad ?


Yes you can jailbreak an iPad. Unfortunately she will likely know it is jailbroken.

I was able to recover a treaure trove of deleted texts with an iphone tool iPhone backup extractor. You can read a lttle about it in my story; but, just get the software and see what you discover. VERY usefull!

Words with Frieds is what she is probably using. May also be skyping. Wihtout a keylogger, I don't think you can do much about the words with frieds chat function. You may find the last conversation still on the app if you ever get to her phone.....

Sorry you are here.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Some also install a chat program for the few hours they want to use it..then delete it...reinstall the next time...check your itunes account purchase history...... also chat programs made to look like other things. 

Palringo is another chat program ppl use to chat in.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

If she had a second Smart Phone, she could have Facebook accounts, etc., which you would not even know about.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

WTHISTHIS? said:


> I will approach her friends to ask them, but the last time I said I was, she wanted to stay with me during the conversation. I kept saying I will call in a minute, to see how responded. She stood right there waiting, then decided to call the one I was going to call and went in the other room to have a discussion.
> I found out from one of her friend's husbands that he heard some bad mouthing going on. I asked her what she was saying and she told me some bs about it. He is the one who raised my suspicion originally.


This sound so sick, sociopathic I'd say. So she badmouth you, friends cut off, you question it, she claims unknown "elephant", you want to confront them, she want to control the confrontation only to talk them in secret again!
It's possibly the worse case of gaslighting I've ever heard.
Aproach them calmly but with no warning, behind your wife's back and tell them your "truth" so they enlight you. Make a plan to talk to several of them in a row.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

You can delete an fb account. I've done it myself.

Disabling one doesn't get rid of an fb account archive either. You can get a back up archive of an fb account in account settings but it sends it to the email associated with the account and takes about three hrs to compile and send it.


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## WTHISTHIS? (Dec 26, 2012)

Well, I have taken a few days and have not been able to drum up anything. I have looked everywhere...guess the strange behavior must be a physical condition or something. I will invest in a VAR, but I have checked phone records, computers, ipad, etc. If there was something, she did a damn good job of hiding it.

I would almost rather find a OM instead of facing the reality that she lives like she does. Sleeps all day, up at weird hours at night, never really leaves house, does not talk that much, no affection or meaningful conversations, does not do anything around the house, but can get up in an instant to spend money....


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Jump over to doccool forums and see how some of the cheaters hide their affairs.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> Some also install a chat program for the few hours they want to use it..then delete it...reinstall the next time...check your itunes account purchase history...... also chat programs made to look like other things.
> 
> Palringo is another chat program ppl use to chat in.


Another way to see that if you can get on her device is if you go to the app store on the iphone/ipad go to updates and then click on purchased. Then there is a tab that says not on this phone. Any purchases made but deleted will be there if she has icloud enabled. Though I'm not 100% sure you have to be using icloud though, they may still be there regardless.


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## Link182 (May 25, 2012)

My wife took hers underground after DD, most of the things you are describing are exactly what I experienced. My wife had a burner pay as go phone, she used words with friends, second Facebook account, secret email address and an app on her iphone called Tango which she downloaded, used, then deleted each time in case I checked her phone. Check your cell bill for data used, look for the times it is used. If there are usage amounts over say 2k KB, and they always seem to be when you are away or sleeping, she may be doing what mine did.

Just my experience, but I saw enough similarities I thought I should post. I could put down what I did to break my wife, but it may not apply to your situation. I too am sorry you are here and dealing with this stuff in your life.


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## WTHISTHIS? (Dec 26, 2012)

Thanks for the ideas...but my suspicion is that this happened months ago. Then in Nov/Dec she began to delete everything without me even having a suspicion....stupid me. I would love to hear your tatics on breaking her. Sometimes there is a "ah-ha" moment to be learned


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

"I would love to hear your tatics on breaking her. "

waterboard


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## WTHISTHIS? (Dec 26, 2012)

Here are tips that may help others, since others have helped me.

Iphone
***Important
The iPhone has to be backed up with itunes for this to work. It appears that if the phone has not been backed up recently or ever, any text messages that have been received and delete are gone. As soon as you expect something fishy, plug the phone into your into your itunes and click the backup button. DO NOT SYNC the phone since that is not necessary.

(MAC)

1). Download iPhonebackup extractor and install
2). Run the program and you will see a list of iphone names appear
3). Click the name you want (person's cell name) and then find the IOS Files entry.
4). Click extract.
5). The program will ask you for the directory you want to extract the information.

1). Download Liya (free db viewer) and install
2). In finder, locate the directory in step 5 above
3). Navigate into the directory called Library
4). You will see a list of all the data that you can view
5). For SMS messages, click on the SMS directory and then right click on SMS.db. Open the file with Liya
6). Liya will open with the database screen. Locate the the table called messages and click once. (top left)
7. in Liya, click the GO button..walaaa....read everything that is listed below.


This works with anything in the Library directory. YOu can see calls, get voicemails, call history, browser history, gps info. Any file that ends in sqlite or db...just open in Liya and select the table that has the data you need. 

Each day, grab the iPhone and just refresh the backup. Its quick and leaves no traces of anything doing it this way. Works for iPads as well. Best of all, all the products are FREE 

Hope this helps someone out there.

=====

Keyloggers
I looked into putting one on the house computer, but they were like $30-$50. I wanted something that would give me a remote capability, especially while I was on business trips 

Check out kidlogger dot net (i am not affiliated with this product at all) .This product is awesome and supports android, iphone, mac, win etc. Its a subscription based service and send monitored user accounts to a remote database. This allows you to review activity, especially while away. Their cheapest appears to be $9 for three months. You get a dashboard that allows you to see all keys pressed, skype snapshots, browser info...and it hides very well.

In any event, I am tracking now but I believe the deed has been done in the past and I am still trying to find data to support my gut.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

How about a VAR?

She might not say anything for a long time but should slip something out of her mouth one day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WTHISTHIS? (Dec 26, 2012)

VAR is my next adventure. I plan on getting a completely digital one, but my concern is that it will pick up radio, wind noise, etc and use up the record time too quickly.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

OK... I read your original thread.

All the signs of an affair are there. She's just very good at covering her tracks.

But, affair aside, you describe almost no positive aspects about your wife.

Even if she isn't/wasn't cheating, why are you still with her? She sounds like she's more of a spoiled daughter to you than devoted friend and lover.

You want to see her tune change? Draw up divorce papers and tell her you no longer want to be in a marriage with her.

Also, the infatuation with the jailbird is just plain creepy.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If you want to shake things up, download a divorce packet form your state. If you can't download one you can pick up one at the county courthouse.

Fill out some of it and "accidently" leave it lying around.


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