# CRAZY MARRIAGE! or just me?



## love<3 (Jan 27, 2014)

I have no one I trust enough to vent to or get advice from.
I am 26 have been married 3 yrs. almost 4. 
My husband was in prison for 2 years during our marriage, I was madly in love, he was at the center of my world and as any man behind bars would feel.. I was his everything during that time as well. we were both so happy and in love, he called me constantly! wrote me a ton, when he got out things began to change as his circle of friends started to grow he would lean more and more towards them, and I always felt that this was wrong and unfair as they were not there for him when he was in prison. I feel like I put all my time & commitment into someone who wasn't & isn't willing to do the same...
So from the time he got out until now he has cut me down to the lowest level verbally, he has said I'm an ugly ass b****, He found a new One (girl),you don't have nice teeth, slob *****, jealous insecure, you name it. The man I look to for the most uplifting things has made me feel insecure, un pretty, unworthy and undeserving. I've been hit for claiming that his crack head mother was the cause of us arguing one night. And completely miss treated over his lost ID.( I feel he's very immature here)
I am the full blown committed type will not look at other men or seek friendships always available to my husband no matter what,(he is the opposite) I'm so desperate for things to be how they once were with the never ending affection and him simply wanting to be around as much as possible but it doesn't seem to work in my favor.(he claims I am too needy)
we have a daughter together but other children from previous relationships so its not that easy to just walk away from this, I love the guy obviously and have faith in us one day being back to that happy place. What do I do , am I wasting time here? Please send your thoughts thank you!


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I think you need to get away from him. You are right his true colors showed after he was release from prison. I am really sorry you are going through this but I do not believe in abusing a woman. 

I hope for your sake you get out. 

Clay


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Of course you were his world when he was in jail, he needed someone.

Have more self-esteem please. Why do you want to stick around an abusing man? Look at yourself clearly in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve better, and leave immediately.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

l3, that's the problem with always being the one to give. You've been too easy. The real problem is if he treats you nasty and you keep trying to be with him then you're putting a really low price tag on yourself and he'll resent you more and treat you worse.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Give to yourself as though you were the one who was in prison now. Which is actually kind of the case, until you start putting yourself first. It is not selfish. It is healthy. If people need help, let them help themselves to the best of their ability first, and also use social programs with professionals who know what they're doing and how to set boundaries (healthy ones for both helper and receiver...) Then if they still need help, let them ask for it. And to be specific about what and why. Give what you can, but only what you are able to without hurting your own self. Another person is not ever an "investment." I always tease my son about cashing out my retirement account and selling all my real estate to help him through a physically challenging childhood (occult spina bifida and a thyroid issue that went undiagnosed for years.) I call him my best investment ever. But really, when he's an adult he is free to leave. He owes me nothing. Helping someone is something you do for yourself. But if you feel like you only exist when you're useful to someone else, that's kind of a problem. Make yourself your own next project. It's time.


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## love<3 (Jan 27, 2014)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## love<3 (Jan 27, 2014)

thank you so much for the advice I put too much into this for him to be so unwilling to do the same. So we are on the verge of separation he never wants to communicate it almost seems as if he hates truth it only angers him. But we have a house that has a 2 yr lease under My NAME all the bills my name as well what to I do I can not afford this alone with 3 of my own kids and he will pretty much leave without helping me sort this out with the landlord. ..Please help
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Talk to your landlord. Tell them your situation. There are alot of people that will work with you on this. I would not stay with your Husband. I think its clear why he does not want to talk about things. Its because he thinks the rules don't apply to him. 

There are places you can also go get help from. Call down to your local government office. They will know the names of nonprofit centers for abused women. You can also go to church's and ask for help. I know its hard to ask for this kind of help. It really kills your confidence and brings you down. I really think you need to understand why they are there. They are there for people like you that deserve and need this help. 

The sooner you get away from him the better. No one deserves to be abused. You are right he is never going to put into your relationship what you already have. Do the right thing. Get out and protect you and your kids. 

There are plenty of good men out there that would love to have a decent woman in there lives. You can do so much better. 

Clay


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

love<3 said:


> thank you so much for the advice I put too much into this for him to be so unwilling to do the same. So we are on the verge of separation he never wants to communicate it almost seems as if he hates truth it only angers him. But we have a house that has a 2 yr lease under My NAME all the bills my name as well what to I do I can not afford this alone with 3 of my own kids and he will pretty much leave without helping me sort this out with the landlord. ..Please help
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How did you manage when he was in prison for two years?


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## love<3 (Jan 27, 2014)

When he was in prison he was totally up my ass love letters phone calls I felt unconditional love he told my everything so right and so perfect so I felt great I was content in my marriage and the happiest ever as crazy as it sounds being away from the one.
But financially I was living with my mom as a temporary situation while he was gone he didn't want me to get my own place cause he was worried for my safety and I just think he didn't want me committing to a smaller place for me and my kids at the time in case he got out and I was to be living in a place not big enough for the two families combined. Anyway I had my little job made great money as a cashier for a cab company, cab drivers tipped me very well It doubled my weeks pay and I worked a swing shift lots of hours. but I left that came to work for my family business. Sad to say its not as easy cause its way too lenient here for me, I've kind of been taking advantage of time and just not being disciplined in terms of being here as much as possible to make the best money. Ive allowed myself to lean on him since he's been out instead of staying on the track I was on while he was gone , more independent.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I don't think you did anything wrong. You believed him. You did what we all do. We give our trust and our love and hope to have it reciprocated. Its clear now. You know where he stands and you do not deserve how he is treating you. 

I would get away from him all together and move on. I think the only thing I would reexamine in the future is to the type of guys you like. This was huge for me. I found that I had to change what kind of a woman I was looking for. Interesting enough being cheated on enough times sure helps you focus. 

Get away from him and take care of you and your kids. Talk to your landlord and find out if you can get out of that lease. I own properties and know other people that do as well. I have actually talked to them about situations similar to this and most of them say the same things. There is not sense in holding someone to a lease that can not pay. If terms can be met its easier on both parties to work together. In the end they just want to get there property rented back out as soon as possible. 

There are a lot better men out there that would love to be with a woman that has goals and admission. 

Clay


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Why was he in prison for 2 years?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

love<3 said:


> When he was in prison he was totally up my ass love letters phone calls I felt unconditional love he told my everything so right and so perfect so I felt great I was content in my marriage and the happiest ever as crazy as it sounds being away from the one.
> But financially I was living with my mom as a temporary situation while he was gone he didn't want me to get my own place cause he was worried for my safety and I just think he didn't want me committing to a smaller place for me and my kids at the time in case he got out and I was to be living in a place not big enough for the two families combined. Anyway I had my little job made great money as a cashier for a cab company, cab drivers tipped me very well It doubled my weeks pay and I worked a swing shift lots of hours. but I left that came to work for my family business. Sad to say its not as easy cause its way too lenient here for me, I've kind of been taking advantage of time and just not being disciplined in terms of being here as much as possible to make the best money. Ive allowed myself to lean on him since he's been out instead of staying on the track I was on while he was gone , more independent.


It's not crazy at all. You were doing your part and taking care of your own obligations and you were also full of hope that he had turned a page so to speak.

On the bright side, you have an advantage over many people. You know what it feels like to be proud of yourself. At least I'm assuming you felt pretty good about being more independent. And probably feel trapped now that he treats you so bad yet you're partly dependent on him.

I just hope you treat yourself with respect which includes not being around anyone who belittles you. And I have no doubt if you were doing well before then you can do well again.


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