# 20 years... down the tube? I cant give anymore..



## Depth.Inside (Jul 5, 2012)

Sorry to be a first time poster on this site but im at the end of my rope and have nowhere else to turn with this.

Stats, Together since 1992, married for 15 years and change. Two kids ages 5 and 7. Both in our 30's...

Our relationship has had ups and downs like everyone else's. Ill openly admit I can be a pain if things don’t add up in my brain. However, my wife seems to have problems admitting she has any faults. What’s more, she is very...very intelligent but works a part time job because she decided she didn’t like working. I’m OK with that but I’m not OK with her claiming she is the reason I am a successful business professional (I came from a bad family, long back story, she takes the credit for my making something of myself).

*Relationship*
Major emotional disconnect. I’m the lovely type, she could go weeks without so much as a hug or kiss. It didn’t use to be this way but as the years progressed it got worse and worse. We use to fight a little but now I can’t say anything without it being a fight. We got drinks from a fast food chain the other day and they were wrong, it was automatically my fault. To which she replied," Why does everything always have to suck?' Anything that is lacking, missing, or has problems is automatically my fault.

We also tried to spend alone time so I book very, very expensive classes for us to learn together that she always wanted to do. She was thrilled. however, after two years I asked to go watch a movie for something different. It never happened. We quit the classes (partially due to cost) and she would rather sit at home than do something I would actually like to do. In fact for my birthday (next week) I asked to go watch a movie, just me and her. Instead she is making plans to go bowling with her parents. 

I honestly dont believe she wants me to enjoy myself. If I sit down to play guitar for 10 minutes she starts trying to find things around the house that need done. She has the overactive, never sit down personality and she tries to force that on me. It usually leads to fights too. If we fight I’m ALWAYS the one to cross the border back and work it out. 

*Communication*
It doesn’t exist. She is always tell me, "Remember, I told you..." when in fact she rarely talks to me unless she wants to gripe about money. We make over $100k a year and our problems are sparse compared to others. However, if it gets tight its the end of the world for her. 

Ive tried to talk to her about my needs many, many times over the years.... pointless. It ends with her marterdom and pouring tears at midnight, followed by her profuse appologie, and its all fogotten by daylight. 


*At the pit of it all*For years I gave her full body massages, oral, rubbbed her feet at her beccon call, full princess treatment. I tell her on a regular basis she is beautiful, hug her, hold her, etc. She smashed in the side of her car because she wasnt paying attention. It's just stuff to me so I picked at her in good fun and let it go.

In complete contrast, she is very demanding and even tries to talk to me like a child if I forget to do something like take the belt out of my slacks. If I hug her she goes cold and stares at the wall. She told me the reason she doesnt like kissing me is she doesnt like things to be in her face and I have bad breath. 

One major problem is she has a sparkling personality with everyone but me. She has people eating out of the palm of her hand and believing she is the best, nicest person alive. She feeds on it and actually braggs about people thinking she is the greatest (all behind closed doors of course).

*The sex*
Sex was good for years and then went to crap after a few years of marriage. She bought a subscription to a mens magazine so we could spice things up a little.Shortly after that I found out she was trading magazines with a guy she was in college with. I honeslty think she had an affair. Ive told her that but she swears on the life of our children she never did. Then again she called one of our daughters a little *itch and at one point told me, "I hate our kids." Granted I was out of town on business and she was stressed but seriously?

Sex is very hard. Im sexual as most guys are. She has had hot and cold over the years. After the birth of our second it was a NIGHTMARE. She would get nervous and panic before sex. She even had to hide her face. I tried to talk her into getting help as I believe it was post pardom but she refused. It took over 3 years to get sex where it wasnt ackward. Its still crap.

She has told me sex is all me. She isnt interested but will do it as her duty. Occasionall (and I mean occasionally) she gets excited but even then, I do evertying. She never returns any favors, she never touches me, nothing.... I have too much going for me to have to find relief in the shower.

The other night we had the first night alone we have had in Months. She put on old panties after a bath and told me she didn’t want to waste a pair of pretty panties that night. We still had really bad sex where she laid there intent on not enjoying it. She finally broke through and moaned a few times about 20-minutes after it started. This is not like her.... she is a screamer. 

*And now....*Things are hard. She is SOOO disconnected. She is so critical of everything and I almost always get the blame (remember the drinks?). She is cold and with her personality she can stay like that indefinitely. I also know that no matter what she will not ever admit an afair or the need for divorce. She is firm in her belief that no matter how bad it gets stay together for the kids. She is also accustom to a small farm, money, and a decent life we have invested thousands of dollars and many years in.

I’ve had it neck deep of putting up with her attitude so I started calling her on it instead of taking it on the chin. Now I’m labeled as mean, aggressive, and being too hard on her. If I disagree with anything I get "Fine, we wont ever do it again." on even the simplest thing. She is so spoiled and has always gotten her way and thinks that’s the way it should be. 

I’m tired...so tired. I have so much to offer but I honestly still love her. If for a second she would look at me with a little gleam in her eye and put the effort in us I would forget it all but she cant, she wont.... she refuses. And im weak....

Help, input... please. I cant do this anymore but I don’t want to break up our home.

Thanks,
J


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I am so very sorry you are here. But you found a good place, you'll get lots of good advice and support here.


----------



## Depth.Inside (Jul 5, 2012)

I hope.. we have a lot of family around but again, everyone thinks she is an angel so I have nowhere else to turn.

Thank you..


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, but "everyone" doesn't have to live with her, now, do they?

I was in the same boat, divorced a very beloved member of the community. He was one thing in public, and a very different thing in private.

Hang in there!


----------

