# Any advice would be great



## txrover (Nov 7, 2013)

Hello,
This will be my 1st post and i a new to this. To give some history I am currently in my 2nd marriage right now and need advice on what i should do. About 2 years ago my wife had an affair but we did make it through that. She currently takes Ambien to help her sleep at night and about 3 weeks ago while on Ambien I had sex with her while she was sleeping. Now she woke up after about 5-10 minutes of this and the next morning she was very upset with me and talked about us needing to seperate. I am truly sorry for what i did and know that it was wrong. She now does not want any intimacy in the marriage with me at all. When I go to kiss her she turns her cheek to me and if i go to touch her it is like we are just friends. We have been married for 5+ and i want this marriage to work more then anything. Any advice on what i should do


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

txrover said:


> Hello,
> This will be my 1st post and i a new to this. To give some history I am currently in my 2nd marriage right now and need advice on what i should do. About 2 years ago my wife had an affair but we did make it through that. She currently takes Ambien to help her sleep at night and about 3 weeks ago while on Ambien I had sex with her while she was sleeping. Now she woke up after about 5-10 minutes of this and the next morning she was very upset with me and talked about us needing to seperate. I am truly sorry for what i did and know that it was wrong. She now does not want any intimacy in the marriage with me at all. When I go to kiss her she turns her cheek to me and if i go to touch her it is like we are just friends. We have been married for 5+ and i want this marriage to work more then anything. Any advice on what i should do


You violated her. It is now up to her to decide when and if intimacy will happen. She does not trust you. What you did to her was take away her right to respond, so now when you try to kiss her now you are (again) assuming a role that takes away her control. She needs to feel in control of her body again.

What should you do? Trust is earned. You need to earn that trust back again. You need to seriously and sincerely apologize. Then you need to ask HER if it's alright if you touch her, hug her, kiss her. Give her back the control that she lost. If she says no, then you have to respect her right of refusal

I don't know whether she will ever get over it. Patience and Time *might *repair the damage, however she will always remember and be forever watchful of you taking advantage of her vulnerability again.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Seems like the big question might be why did you decide to have sex with her while she was passed out like that? What made you think it was ok?

C


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## txrover (Nov 7, 2013)

To answer both of the question, i have and continue to appoligze for what i did and i truly am sorry for what i did, I have no reason for what i did to her other then it happened. She has taken ambien before and we have had sex before and she was awake when we did. Who here can not say that they have not woken up in the middle of the night with the spouse touching them wanting to have sex. She has told me before that she has played with me at night trying to peak my interest to have sex and i did not wake up. Again I know i was wrong on what i did and i know it will not happen again but i do love her more then anything and would do anything for her. Survivorwife you comments are very helpful and this is what i am looking for, advice on what i should do. I am not a bad person and at the time didnt think what i was doing was wrong or i would have stopped. Now i do realize that it was wrong and looking for ways to fix it. We are going to see a marriage counsler on 11/16 to see if this will help us.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If you can't say why you did what you did, how can you be sure you won't do it again? More importantly, how can SHE believe you won't do it again?

And yes, my SO and I have woken each other up in the middle of the night by stimulating the other person. But I wouldn't have sex for 10 minutes with a comatose person; that seems to be a big step from playing with your partner. 

How was your sex life before all this? Could she be using this as an excuse to shut you out?

C


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## txrover (Nov 7, 2013)

Sex life before was not bad, it was not a ever nighter but 1-2 times a week without any problems. I can say that i know it wont happen again because i honestly know what i did was wrong. Im am not the type of person that forces themselves on others and i am usually very quite. We have all done things that we are not proud of and have learned from them. This is something that i have learned from and understand what is wrong with it.


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## GutshotButAlive (Oct 8, 2013)

Sorry man, you need help. She is absolutely right to be creeped out by you right now.


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## gotcha (Aug 11, 2014)

After reading through this post I am completely horrified. 
I cannot believe that you would totally violate the trust of your wife while she is most vulnerable - in her sleep! 
She is totally justified in wanting to get away from you. 

The justice system calls this "rape". You are lucky you are not in jail - yet.


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