# Dealing with being ugly



## David123 (May 22, 2018)

I am 36 years old and some people may say I am living a dream with my wife and kids. If ever you see me, your first thoughts would be “how did he get her” or “his punching above his weight” the truth is my wife is an 8 out of 10 at the very least whilst I’m a 2 (3 on a good day). Luckily for me, my kids look like their mother. 

I’ve been living with this tag for all my life, The ugly one. I still struggle with it today and sometimes I do think my life would be easier if I was alone or even married someone less attractive, it’s would have been the easier option. 

From primary school, secondary school and even at work I remember countless horrible incidents regarding my appearance. From school girls Low scoring me out of 10 to a work colleague shouted how ugly I was, Even my own mother made horrible comments. 

Sometimes I feel like crying, I just want to be average looking. I even thought about having surgery to fix my appearance but I don’t know. I just want someone to listen and understand me.


David


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## PretzelLogic (Jan 16, 2018)

If you love your wife and are happily married, if you have happy healthy children you love... 
Why does it matter?
What is ugly?


Obviously your wife finds you attractive enough to marry and be with, or is it that you are that wealthy and well endowed?
I suspect the one who finds you the most "ugly," is you.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

There are a lot of things which make someone attractive. It's not just how your face looks. Your styling will make a huge difference in how you are perceived. And just being confident can help as well. Do you have Netflix? If so, check out the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy". The show does lifestyle makeovers of regular guys to bring out their best side. It can give you tips for styling, design, and interaction that will make you an overall more attractive person.

I think Zack Galifianakis said something like "I'm a 1 to most people, but a few people think of me as a 2." Certainly he's not a classically handsome man, but I never think of him as being ugly. As a comparison, do you have a celebrity you would compare yourself with?

But if you do want to improve your appearance, one of the most straightforward ways is to get fit. Lose weight and add muscle. You also get the more important benefit of being healthier. 

Think very carefully before you do any surgery. The results are often iffy. It might be good for small tweaks, but people who try to drastically change their appearance often look odd afterwards.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

The value you place on your appearance isn't a marriage problem. It's a personal problem. If your wife treats you well and you treat her well, if you work well together, and love each other, why on earth would you allow your discomfort with your appearance cause you to consider divorcing her?

As mentioned earlier, there is more to attractiveness than the face. A good hair cut, physical fitness, and clothes that fit properly all go into the physical attractiveness factor. 

If you are a good, loving, faithful husband I'm sure your wife values those things above your appearance. In fact, I've heard some women (and men) take comfort in their spouse not being particularly attractive to the opposite sex, so they are not under the same temptation as those who are more physically attractive. This may or may not be true, but that's how some people feel, so it might give your wife a sense of security being with a man that a bunch of other women aren't going gaga over.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Go ahead and get an estimate.

Your nose made smaller and straighter,
Your lips fuller,

Your ears plastered closer to you skull.

Your teeth all aligned.
Incisors, the works laminated and white.

Maybe some hair plugs, maybe some hair removal
Wrinkles, unwrinkled.

The Works.

I will add to this post later. I do not want to tip my hand.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

David123 said:


> I am 36 years old and some people may say I am living a dream with my wife and kids. If ever you see me, your first thoughts would be “how did he get her” or “his punching above his weight” the truth is my wife is an 8 out of 10 at the very least whilst I’m a 2 (3 on a good day). Luckily for me, my kids look like their mother.
> 
> I’ve been living with this tag for all my life, The ugly one. I still struggle with it today and sometimes I do think my life would be easier if I was alone or even married someone less attractive, it’s would have been the easier option.
> 
> ...


I just do not get guys today. 

Dude, first of all quit crying. Nothing wrong with wanting to look attractive by the way, and personally I think it's a bad matting strategy not to be the best you can be for your spouse. Doesn't mean you need to be George Clooney but you should be as best as you can or at least put some work in. First and easiest thing to do is hit the gym, lift weights. Learn how to dress nice and for your body. Look put together like you have a plan. If you have something that makes you ugly like say a wart or something, get it taken off. If you really feel that bad about then yes get (subtle) plastic surgery almost everyone in Hollywood or on TV has had it, and I am sure lots of people you don't know. Point is their are probably thousands of pointers on Youtube about all this stuff google it. Go to a hairstylist and ask them. Talk to someone at your work or a friend who knows how to dress. Read some articles in men's magazines. Overall just get to work on the problem like anything else.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The thing is....

It seems.....

Everybody has advice, but everyone is not you.
You have to live with your face.

The others need only to turn their head, or close their eyes. 
Problem no longer visible.

They can tell you how lucky you are, having a good looking wife, good looking children.
That IS luck, but it is not enough.

Hollywood uglys go to plastic, mastic surgeons on a regular basis. If it is good enough for them, it is good enough for you.

This is not a necessity, it is not a life or death decision.

It is a Quality of Life decision. 

Go for it. Get your face fixed. Get a lot of bids, do your homework, get testimonials. 

Oh, while you are at it......
Once your face is fixed, lose weight, get fit, groom to the nines, dress nice.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Ever ask your wife why she married you?

Hows your sex life?

Maybe its all in your head.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder!

In the eyes of the Heavenly Father, we are all the same, as one of His beloved children!

Always remember that when you are low, @David123 ~ your loving wife saw something in you that trumped beauty ~ it was your heart and your kindness!

In the prophetic words of one of my favorite British poets, John Keats, from Ode on a Grecian Urn: 

"Beauty is truth, truth is beauty! That is all ye know on Earth and all ye need to know!"*


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

David123 said:


> I am 36 years old and some people may say I am living a dream with my wife and kids. If ever you see me, your first thoughts would be “how did he get her” or “his punching above his weight” the truth is my wife is an 8 out of 10 at the very least whilst I’m a 2 (3 on a good day). Luckily for me, my kids look like their mother.
> 
> I’ve been living with this tag for all my life, The ugly one. I still struggle with it today and sometimes I do think my life would be easier if I was alone or even married someone less attractive, it’s would have been the easier option.
> 
> ...



OP, I suspect that much of your current view of your own appearance stems from the bold above. Sadly, the messages we hear from our family of origin during childhood often become our internal soundtrack throughout our lives. Your mother should be profoundly ashamed of herself. What a horrible thing to do to a child!

Honestly, even if you're not classically handsome, or even attractive in any standard way, there was something about you that attracted your wife to you. So, build from there. Make yourself into the best you that you can be. Get fit, dress well, be tidy and clean, have a good haircut, do what you can to address any skin concerns, get your teeth fixed if that's needed, basically learn to present yourself well. But, those surface things will only go so far. You also need to learn to be confident. 

Have you ever spoken to a therapist about your home life growing up? That might be a good place to start. You could also use some professional help with improving your self-esteem. Which, again, I suspect is so low because of the messages you absorbed in your formative years. There's a difference between knowing you're not a handsome man, and feeling like you're ugly. That difference is confidence. You need the confidence to know that your looks are not the only thing that defines you. Be smart, be funny, be witty, be charming, be good at your job, be active in your community, be a good friend, be a great father, be a great partner to your wife. Those things will me of much more lasting importance than your looks, and will serve to make you much more attractive to those around you. And to yourself.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Rowan said:


> OP, I suspect that much of your current view of your own appearance stems from the bold above. Sadly, the messages we hear from our family of origin during childhood often become our internal soundtrack throughout our lives. Your mother should be profoundly ashamed of herself. What a horrible thing to do to a child!
> 
> Honestly, even if you're not classically handsome, or even attractive in any standard way, there was something about you that attracted your wife to you. So, build from there. Make yourself into the best you that you can be. Get fit, dress well, be tidy and clean, have a good haircut, do what you can to address any skin concerns, get your teeth fixed if that's needed, basically learn to present yourself well. But, those surface things will only go so far. You also need to learn to be confident.
> 
> Have you ever spoken to a therapist about your home life growing up? That might be a good place to start. You could also use some professional help with improving your self-esteem. Which, again, I suspect is so low because of the messages you absorbed in your formative years. There's a difference between knowing you're not a handsome man, and feeling like you're ugly. That difference is confidence. You need the confidence to know that your looks are not the only thing that defines you. Be smart, be funny, be witty, be charming, be good at your job, be active in your community, be a good friend, be a great father, be a great partner to your wife. Those things will me of much more lasting importance than your looks, and will serve to make you much more attractive to those around you. And to yourself.


^^^ This!!


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## David123 (May 22, 2018)

that was my first ever post on the internet. I just wanted to thank you all for your advice and words of encouragement, its helped me and its fully appreciated. 

after reading all the messages, I think the first step is getting fit again by joining the gym, its a step in the right direction. I am also going to see a theropist too, hopefully i can understand and get to the bottom of all my issues. I feel so much better speaking about my feelings, As a man I don't do that enough. 

Blessings to you all,

David123


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

David123 said:


> that was my first ever post on the internet. I just wanted to thank you all for your advice and words of encouragement, its helped me and its fully appreciated.
> 
> after reading all the messages, I think the first step is getting fit again by joining the gym, its a step in the right direction. I am also going to see a theropist too, hopefully i can understand and get to the bottom of all my issues. I feel so much better speaking about my feelings, As a man I don't do that enough.
> 
> ...


Your attractiveness is not static buddy. You can change that.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Lyle Lovett....Nuff said.

That guy pulled women and was known for it! (country western star)


Hey, we all get self doubting...I'm sure quite a few females will chime in here as well. As for me, getting older, fighting the bulge, losing hair on the head, gaining it in areas not wanted...So your not alone. Not by a long shot.

As for your wife and your view of why her? I see plenty of guys that land bomb shells, and you know what they got going for them? Confidence. Those guys are always communicative, not jerky. Very secure in themselves and look to people who appreciate them to surround themselves with.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

I see so many unattractive people in the world and the sad thing is this; Many are not even that ugly... its just that they take ZERO effort in trying to look good. They are either overweight or underweight. They dont take care of their hair or facial hair (or nose/ear hairs) and they wear ugly coloured clothes that havent been washed or ironed... Sometimes they are wearing clothes that should have been thrown out 5 years ago.

Go the gym and pack on muscle
Get a wardrobe that makes you look good and clean (includes clean shoes)
Keep your hair tidy all the time

next time someone asks you "how did you score her" you can just say "well she didnt marry me for my looks" and smirk.... Case Closed... let them come to their own conclusions.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

David123 said:


> that was my first ever post on the internet. I just wanted to thank you all for your advice and words of encouragement, its helped me and its fully appreciated.
> 
> after reading all the messages, I think the first step is getting fit again by joining the gym, its a step in the right direction. I am also going to see a theropist too, hopefully i can understand and get to the bottom of all my issues. *I feel so much better speaking about my feelings, As a man I don't do that enough.*
> 
> ...


*If it's of any relevance, David, neither do I. Like you, I also sometimes have great difficulty realizing that "no man is an island!"*


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder

Please take a look at this. It may or may not be helpful.

I had a friend who thought she was ugly and was eventually diagnosed with this.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

You want someone to understand you, yet you've got a beautiful wife and family??

Why is this suddenly bothering you now more than ever before?

Something changed.

You need to figure out what it is.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

David123 said:


> that was my first ever post on the internet. I just wanted to thank you all for your advice and words of encouragement, its helped me and its fully appreciated.
> 
> after reading all the messages, I think the first step is getting fit again by joining the gym, its a step in the right direction. I am also going to see a theropist too, hopefully i can understand and get to the bottom of all my issues. I feel so much better speaking about my feelings, As a man I don't do that enough.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you have a solid plan to act on!


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

I'm a short pasty-white redheaded dude. Hollywood role models of my type are evil criminal genius or comedy sidekick. There are no role models in politics.

My current GF has a "type", who is tall, dark, charismatic, handsome, cool - and she admits I'm none of the above. She happens to be busty, tell, gregarious as hell, outspoken, and a political activist, all of which are on my "no fly" list. Yet we're together. We saw something deeper. It's not working in some pretty important ways...but for some reason, she really wants it to work and based on what her family tells me, she is adapting to my ways more than she has any of the other many men she's had (with her looks and ability to charm, she moves on quickly when things don't work out). I'm adapting too, but I'm putting bounds on it.

At some point, you outgrow the notion that looks are all that important.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

David123 said:


> ….I think the first step is getting fit again by joining the gym…..


No, that is step #2.

First, eat right. Start something like Paleo, low carb, Primal, Keto, Ancestral and intermittent fasting. Lotsa clean, healthy meats/fats and veggies. Once you feel better and your energy levels are up, you'll be itching to hit the gym to burn off the energy. You'll notice feeling better is a great motivator to going to the gym, as opposed to going to the gym while feeling like a bag of ****. (I made this mistake for years).

As for your physical appearance and your hottie wife…..I guess somehow you'll deal with it. Don't whine to her about it, it appears weak. Just eat better, get healthy, hit the gym, be an even better man, wear her out in the bedroom, and carry on like it's business as usual.


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