# Cheating



## CrayinNH (Aug 7, 2011)

What circumstance(s) made you cheat or thought about it? I know it's not right but have you ever overlooked what's right and what's wrong if you felt alone and basically stuck in your marriage, etc? I'm really curious to hear a females point of view.:scratchhead:


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

CrayinNH said:


> What circumstance(s) made you cheat or thought about it? I know it's not right but have you ever overlooked what's right and what's wrong if you felt alone and basically stuck in your marriage, etc? I'm really curious to hear a females point of view.:scratchhead:



Well for me it is this: Feeling alone, growing apart, Not getting along, wont listen, needs not being met. I am sure there is more, i just can't think of more right now....

I have only kissed a guy that was not my husband, i haven't done anything else as of this moment....


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## daisy90 (Jun 5, 2011)

The thought of cheating comes when I no longer feel connected. Like you have nothing in common. You wait everyday to see if it will change and it doesn't. I have never cheated though because I have been cheated on before. I would let the other person know that I was unsatisfied and leave. Won't listen is another good point ladybird. It annoys me when my husband doesn't listen to my advice and he follows his own and then messes up.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ladybird said:


> Well for me it is this: Feeling alone, growing apart, Not getting along, wont listen, needs not being met. I am sure there is more, i just can't think of more right now....
> 
> I have only kissed a guy that was not my husband, i haven't done anything else as of this moment....


Nothing "made" me cheat. It was a choice I made of my own volition. 

My marriage was not good at the time. That is not an excuse, but a fact. We are divorced now. 



ladybird said:


> Well for me it is this: Feeling alone, growing apart, Not getting along, wont listen, needs not being met.


Everything described here is how I felt in my marriage before my affair. I had asked my now ex continously to get marriage counselling with me and he refused. He wouldn't speak to me for days/weeks at a time, he was rude, said some mean things to me, and operated with double standards. I would literally cry myself to sleep at night and have to take sedatives. I felt ostracized, like a ghost, small, insignificant, like he treated strangers better than me. He said some things to me that are forever burned in my brain and still hurt to this day. It got to the point where I hated coming home from work and would do anything to delay what time I got home. Emotionally, I felt dead and it was like being in a fugue. He was emotionally abusive and killed my spirit much more than my heart. I remember distinctly, like it was yesterday, me going to kiss him when he got home from work and he pulled away from me saying he was "busy." It was like this all the time. He was too busy for me, my needs came last, my needs didn't even feel like they mattered. He would tell me that my opinion didn't matter to him. Ruler of the world. That's what he felt like. 

Nonetheless, I regret it, cheating. Because I lost a piece of myself I am never able to get back it seems. 

If I could go back and black it out so that it never happened, I would.


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## honkytonkwoman (Aug 2, 2010)

I am feeling so disconnected from my husband at the moment that i'm pretty sure i'd cheat if the opportunity presented itself. I feel lonely in my marriage, unloved, invisible...and i feel that since i've had the conversation with him so many times and told him how i feel, he'd be in no position to say he didn't see it coming!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

honkytonkwoman said:


> I am feeling so disconnected from my husband at the moment that i'm pretty sure i'd cheat if the opportunity presented itself. I feel lonely in my marriage, unloved, invisible...and i feel that since i've had the conversation with him so many times and told him how i feel, he'd be in no position to say he didn't see it coming!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He hears what you are saying and definitely couldn't argue he couldn't see it coming, yet still he is unable to get out of that rut by himself, even if you are trying to throw a lifeline. When you do the same thing over and over and get the same result it is time to change your tactics. I am not saying to end the marriage, especially if you have any love for him, but you've seen the damage cheated AND cheating spouses are trying to cope with on this forum so take it as scripture that infidelity is not the answer. If you really have so little self control that you'd give your love to someone other than your husband than you either need individual counseling or else a divorce lawyer.


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## anonymiss (Jul 20, 2011)

As lonely, disconnected, sad, abandoned, neglected, mistreated emotionally and physically, mentally drained, or hurt as I have been, I have never once considered it. I found myself saying I'd be better off alone, than ever sacrificing my integrity because of someone else's lack of concern for me and their own ignorance. 

Two wrongs don't make a right.

And today I got 20 pages of text messages that emphasize H txting my best friend, just during the month of june. I got this an hour after I go meet with a lawyer for separation because he left me.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

honkytonkwoman said:


> I am feeling so disconnected from my husband at the moment that i'm pretty sure i'd cheat if the opportunity presented itself. I feel lonely in my marriage, unloved, invisible...and i feel that since i've had the conversation with him so many times and told him how i feel, he'd be in no position to say he didn't see it coming!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This.

I wasn't married but we were living together and raising our daughter.

I don't regret it. I never really loved him nor he me.


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## momof2bellas (Jun 27, 2011)

honkytonkwoman said:


> I am feeling so disconnected from my husband at the moment that i'm pretty sure i'd cheat if the opportunity presented itself. I feel lonely in my marriage, unloved, invisible...and i feel that since i've had the conversation with him so many times and told him how i feel, he'd be in no position to say he didn't see it coming!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel like you just took these words straight out of my mouth but the difference is you had the balls to say it! I wish my husband could see I feel this way. He doesnt want to talk, he thinks Im crazy and that its all ok, its normal but it isnt. I feel alone and like Im with myself. I dont feel wanted by him sexually or anyway for that matter! I truly hate it.


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## momof2bellas (Jun 27, 2011)

& to be fair, I have never cheated and Id love to say I wouldnt but I don't know what I'd do if the oppurtunity presented itself. Ive had plenty of emotional affairs in my head because it's jsut what I wish hed say to me to show me he loves me


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's not surprising you don't want sex with him. When women feel neglected and unappreciated, they do not get turned on. 

You need to talk to him, really talk to him and hopefully he'll understand your poit of view and be receptive.


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## lost in translaion (Aug 8, 2011)

I am sorry but every woman here said why? but did you think about good time with your husband , did you think maybe I am the wrong here, or maybe I need to work more to my married, maybe my husband really loves me but he does not know , I ll help him and I ll try not months or two but year and two, when I married him I loved him, so I can love him again,,,,, and the one you cheat with he can hear you , but he is man too, did you ask why because he need you and need cheat too, but why cannot take your husband to some where ,,,


Do you really feel how much pain you made when you just walk a way to another one, and why because you felt lonly,, maybe he does not understand you ,, try punish him ,, kick him but do not walk as there nothing ,, all years meant nothing now ,,,

all good memory all flower become bad, where is ur good words for ur husband ,, where when you told him you ll love only him,,,


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lost in translaion said:


> I am sorry but every woman here said why?


The OP asked why and people on here answered. 

You don't have to like the answers. People are posting their experiences as asked by the OP.


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## honkytonkwoman (Aug 2, 2010)

momof2bellas said:


> & to be fair, I have never cheated and Id love to say I wouldnt but I don't know what I'd do if the oppurtunity presented itself. Ive had plenty of emotional affairs in my head because it's jsut what I wish hed say to me to show me he loves me


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honkytonkwoman (Aug 2, 2010)

It is awful feeling lonely in a marriage. My husband seems to think it's all ok too...maybe in his head it is. I feel that he is keen to stay married simply because he likes an easy life, it's not like we have huge rows or anything...in fact alot of the time we rub along quite amiably together, and the fact is he gets his shirts washed and meals cooked...that seems to be enough for him- he has no need for affection and gets his sexual needs met with porn. So to be honest if i'm not moaning at him he's quite content. I reach a point every 6 months or so where i hit rock bottom and we have a big discussion about my needs not being met, he makes promises that peter out gradually until we're back to square one. I have no idea where to go from here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PM1 (Aug 9, 2011)

honkytonkwoman said:


> I am feeling so disconnected from my husband at the moment that i'm pretty sure i'd cheat if the opportunity presented itself. I feel lonely in my marriage, unloved, invisible...and i feel that since i've had the conversation with him so many times and told him how i feel, he'd be in no position to say he didn't see it coming!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't want to over-simplify, but why not leave? Why cheat? It hurts everyone in the long run and lowers you. If you need more, by all means go out and get it, but do it in the right order. End the bad relationship, THEN go find something else. 

And I know it's not that easy, whether kids, human nature to avoid change, etc. But it still seems better. (just my 2-cents, for what that's worth)


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## lost in translaion (Aug 8, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> The OP asked why and people on here answered.
> 
> You don't have to like the answers. People are posting their experiences as asked by the OP.


sorry but even the woman who had cheat know it is wrong , and feel bad about it, so I believe the case here not I like or dislike 

but what is right and wrong 
:sleeping:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Nowhere in this thread has anyone said cheating is good. No one said cheating is right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lost in translaion (Aug 8, 2011)

sorry but some of try to make it as not my fault ,,, No lets stop here for mint and re think

when you drive when ur drink it is ur fault not the drink fault  Is it 
and when one (men , woman) cheat , it is their full responsibility


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Who said its not their fault? Who said it wasn't their responsibility? I must have missed those posts cause I don't see them. The OP asked a question to women and they answered. You don't have to agree with the responses.


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