# I wish I could just turn my drive to zero!!!



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Since bring back together with my Husband after our seperation, it seems that while we are home we only have sex on average of once a month. I'm more frustrated than I've ever been before. I understand that he's under stress, but so am I!! Pretty soon he will be working out of state and there's no way we will be able to have sex. I'm here now snd there are lots of opportunities. When he's gone, there will be no opportunities for months and months up to a year!!

I really wish that as a woman, sex just didn't matter
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

The bad thing is I know this frustration and not feeling wanted was what lead to my affair. I had actually thought how nice it would be for someone else to want me for many many years. Now he's going away for I don't know how long. He says he's a traditional guy and he does not do phone sex or video sex.

I did almost think maybe he was gay before our seperation, but then he went and had a huge sexual affair from the very beginning of the affair. I know he can have sex under stress so that's what's even more frustrating. 

He's leaving to go work out of state because there is no work in this state snd housing that's affordable and he's not bring his family with him because we can't rent a house because of our credit. I will be living with his parents.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

It does matter, but what you are missing is not the sex but the emotional connection it provides. I would say with him being gone for months at a time it would be even more important than usual for you. Have you voiced your concerns to him? Whatever the cause of your separation are either of you still holding resentments from that? You need to deal with that before you can work on intimacy.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

So are you saying both of you had an affair?


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Yes we both had xn affair. I had mine first which was a long distance thing over FB that turned to texting, pictures and video sex.

He had his affair while I had already told OM that I missed my husband and that OM was a mistake. My Husband had his secret affair during the time we were seperated and I found out about her once he decided he wanted to work on our marriage. That's when OW tried to make it impossible for our marriage to work by lying her ass off. Only some of the lies were really true. My husband had sex with her several times over a very short period of time. All the things I wished he was doing with me snd still to this day he is not. 

There is much more of an emotional connection now than there was before, which is driving me crazy. I didn't want my husband before like I do now. Now I'm wishing I could turn it all off
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Well if you are feeling this do you initiate sex with him? You say there are things he wishes to do with you but that hasn't happened yet? Is he waiting for you to make the move? If so, do it. Take matters in your own hands and let him know just how much you do want him. Sometimes we as women have to take charge of our own sexual needs and not wait for our man to make all the moves.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Mrs. T said:


> Well if you are feeling this do you initiate sex with him? You say there are things he wishes to do with you but that hasn't happened yet? Is he waiting for you to make the move? If so, do it. Take matters in your own hands and let him know just how much you do want him. Sometimes we as women have to take charge of our own sexual needs and not wait for our man to make all the moves.


LOL....I just realised I need to take my own advice. My husband is in trouble tonight. I'm feeling it and hopefully he will too.


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## iGuy (Apr 23, 2012)

blueskies30 said:


> Since bring back together with my Husband after our seperation, it seems that while we are home we only have sex on average of once a month. I'm more frustrated than I've ever been before. I understand that he's under stress, but so am I!! Pretty soon he will be working out of state and there's no way we will be able to have sex. I'm here now snd there are lots of opportunities. When he's gone, there will be no opportunities for months and months up to a year!!
> 
> I really wish that as a woman, sex just didn't matter
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It ALWAYS shocks me when I see women saying this sort of thing.

My wife had an INCREDIBLY high sex drive with her previous boyfriends (since before she was 16), but with me it has completely fizzled out.

I still struggle to believe that MY wife is the same woman who was often so horny with her exes. 

All the best to you - I have no answer. I'm still just in shock that a _woman_ could actually _want_ to have sex with her husband. It's beyond my comprehension!


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

blueskies30 said:


> I really wish that as a woman, sex just didn't matter
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I really wish as a man, sex just didn't matter.

I wish I could turn my drive off as well. I'll join your little club.

Wish I had more for you... but all I have atm is, yep it sucks when your partner just has no interest whatsoever and you are climbing the walls going crazy with your drive.


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## clairey83 (Apr 20, 2012)

I'm the same as Browncoat, not getting any and haven't been able to remedy it as yet  And I used to want to be able to turn my need off, but now I'm too selfish. Why should I lose my drive to suit him who doesn't have one. He should be turning his up to accommodate me  If only it were that simple ha! In currently nagging that it's almost a week - and I'm lucky at that. I usually have a month to 6 weeks to wait. But I've decided on nagging this time, even though i know that's not a good idea coz then I just get depressed that he's forcing himself. It's a vicious circle and I really feel for you? 

I can only imagine you don't have anyone to talk to either. I haven't told a soul...apart from all the strangers on here ha. I can't bear to tell my friends that my man doesn't want me! How awful, why would I want anyone to know that


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Don't let the zombies steal another healthy heterosexual. Why should we drink their poison? They made the same promises we did. They are the ones committing fraud. They are the ones who need to change. If I have a flat tire on my motorcycle, I don't let air out of the good tire so the two will match.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Add me to the club.

My wife and I just had this "discussion" again today. She has been trying some to be more available but it still feels shallow. Why can't she actually WANT me? I think I need the look or suggestive smile more than I need the actual sex...


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

frustr8dhubby said:


> Add me to the club.
> 
> My wife and I just had this "discussion" again today. She has been trying some to be more available but it still feels shallow. Why can't she actually WANT me? I think I need the look or suggestive smile more than I need the actual sex...


Yeah for us frequency has been up, but it's feeling wanted and her concentrating on the moment... really being there with me that I want most of all.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

You are all preaching to the choir folks!


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I really think that all my husband needs is massages, his back scratched and some cuddling. He has zero interest in sex and often times even when it's not a stressful time, sex is not a priority 


I wish it was the same for me. I enjoy sex, which is why I had a long distance EA. 

My Husband is only sexual when we are on vacation. I could have sex every day when we are on vacation and for him 3 times a week is enough. 

My husband is going to be working out of state soon and I hope he starts missing the sex he could be having now!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

My Husband I just had a fight about sex yesterday morning. I was upstairs snd he was down stairs, I text him that I wish I had no interest in sex. That pissed him off, but it wasn't meant to piss him off. There's no way he csn know the agony I'm in and he doesn't want to know how I feel anyway. He says I always tell him how I feel. I told hi
Later that day that I would just stop communicating with him and he said he didn't want that because that's what has gotten us in the mess we are in now. " we are losing our house" because we were seperated and headed for divorce and knew we could not keep the house
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Mrs. T said:


> Well if you are feeling this do you initiate sex with him? You say there are things he wishes to do with you but that hasn't happened yet? Is he waiting for you to make the move? If so, do it. Take matters in your own hands and let him know just how much you do want him. Sometimes we as women have to take charge of our own sexual needs and not wait for our man to make all the moves.


Yep I iniate with him and he does not like it. He says I'm too aggressive and I talk about sex too much. I piss him off when I turn things into sexual visions. He does this all the time, but I'm
Not allowed too. It's like he wants me to be the shy little virgin that does not pursue sex at all.

He even said he does not like BJs. All the things I was shy to do before our seperation, but thought about the things I wanted to do. So now that I try them, he doesn't want them
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I'm 33 and I'm tired of not doing everything sexual that I want. My drive is higher than it was before seperation. I want the adventure when the kids are in bed or at school
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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