# think about cheating...



## JakeRyan

what's wrong with me? 30ish year old male, constantly thinks about women, looks, etc... can't stop thinking about sex. have never cheated on my wife, but its all i think about now days, sex.... there must be something missing, wrong, etc... why would this happen. Ive even gotten to the point about discussing swinging but my wife is not interested.


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## Hope1964

Uh, I don't really know what to say. Can you not control yourself? Do you feel like you need professional help or something?

Have you told your wife about this? Do you and she have sex enough to satisfy you?


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## PFTGuy

You might be a sex addict. If you look at the website #SLAA Online Group of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous - Home, you will find a list of questions that might help you identify yourself as one, or not. Only you can decide, but you have to be honest with yourself when you answer the questions. If you think are, or may be one, there is help. It's a sickness that has a cure. I personally am a Sex and Love Addict and early in my 12 step recovery program, and hopeful for the future, although I have a lot of very dark days. 

I suggest you take this seriously, but nobody can do it for you. My problem is costing me a marriage, all my savings, what little self respect I had, and the depression could kill me, but what really hurts me is knowledge of the pain I have caused other people, namely my wife and daughter. 

Good luck, and peace...



JakeRyan said:


> what's wrong with me? 30ish year old male, constantly thinks about women, looks, etc... can't stop thinking about sex. have never cheated on my wife, but its all i think about now days, sex.... there must be something missing, wrong, etc... why would this happen. Ive even gotten to the point about discussing swinging but my wife is not interested.


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## JakeRyan

Hope1964 said:


> Uh, I don't really know what to say. Can you not control yourself? Do you feel like you need professional help or something?
> 
> Have you told your wife about this? Do you and she have sex enough to satisfy you?


yes i can control myself, that's why i have not done anything i would regret yet after being with the same person for 20+ years of my life. Yes, we have sex, and no i have not told her yet. I just feel im not romantically attracted to her as i was before, and im currently analyzing the situation to see where the root of the issue lies before i make any drastic decisions.


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## JakeRyan

PFTGuy said:


> You might be a sex addict. If you look at the website #SLAA Online Group of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous - Home, you will find a list of questions that might help you identify yourself as one, or not. Only you can decide, but you have to be honest with yourself when you answer the questions. If you think are, or may be one, there is help. It's a sickness that has a cure. I personally am a Sex and Love Addict and early in my 12 step recovery program, and hopeful for the future, although I have a lot of very dark days.
> 
> I suggest you take this seriously, but nobody can do it for you. My problem is costing me a marriage, all my savings, what little self respect I had, and the depression could kill me, but what really hurts me is knowledge of the pain I have caused other people, namely my wife and daughter.
> 
> Good luck, and peace...


i don't fit into the category of a sex addict, i don't have an addition to porn, do weird things, risk job or finances, etc... my issue is i just think that the female body is beautiful and i love it, and ive only been with one my whole life, and i just can't imagine going on my whole life that way. I think that really sums up my issue, short and sweet. and yes i know that a lot of people would consider this really bad and selfish.


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## EleGirl

JakeRyan said:


> yes i can control myself, that's why i have not done anything i would regret yet after being with the same person for 20+ years of my life. Yes, we have sex, and no i have not told her yet. I just feel im not romantically attracted to her as i was before, and im currently analyzing the situation to see where the root of the issue lies before i make any drastic decisions.


Sounds like the passion is gone from your marriage. That can be fixed.

Look at the links in my signature block below.. get those books, read them, do what they say to do.... you can rebuild the passion and actually build a much better marriage.

The way you feel is a signal that your marriage needs an overhaul FAST or it's over.


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## QuietSoul

Hi.

My husband goes to SLAA and SA meetings and swears by them. He has been going for a long time and has alot of recovery up.

Even though you do not identify as an addict at face value, I encourage you to keep an open mind and maybe check out a meeting some time. if it's not for you, then you lose nothing, but of you find help there, then you would miss out if you didn't try going.

Also, I really admire you for not acting on your obsession. I can imagine that it would wear you down at times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JakeRyan

QuietSoul said:


> Hi.
> 
> My husband goes to SLAA and SA meetings and swears by them. He has been going for a long time and has alot of recovery up.
> 
> Even though you do not identify as an addict at face value, I encourage you to keep an open mind and maybe check out a meeting some time. if it's not for you, then you lose nothing, but of you find help there, then you would miss out if you didn't try going.
> 
> Also, I really admire you for not acting on your obsession. I can imagine that it would wear you down at times.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


just curious was there a specific reason he went to these meetings?


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## QuietSoul

JakeRyan said:


> just curious was there a specific reason he went to these meetings?


Hi Jake.

Well, in his late teens/early 20s, he went out of control pretty fast with porn/visiting brothels, like the whole box and dice. He already had a porn issue but it was more accessible for him in his late teens. He spent alot of money and told alot of lies, and finally saw a counsellor who referred him to a rehab that dealt with sex addiction who exposed him to the 12 steps, and from there he ended up in SLAA. 

So, he has been involved for at least 15 years. 

Although he hasn't acted out since before we were together (more than 6 years ago), he has occasionally struggled with the porn.

So even though it's not THE issue for him at the moment, he finds the meetings helpful for when he's feeling triggered or just needs to talk to guys about guy problems. Or even when he's really stressed, even if he's not feeling particularly triggered to act out in that way. He sees his addiction as ALL of that stuff, like all the deception/manipulation, the way he takes out his anger on the road or me or whatever else.

He currently goes to two meetings a week, has a sponsor call on Mondays, and talks to guys from the fellowship throughout the week

QuietSoul


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## Brokken

I think ur missing something in the marriage ...look closely tin to ur relationship 
Are u happy? Is the sex good at hm? I don't think u should tell ur wife ..that's only going to cause problems ....


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