# Does kissing matter in a marriage or during sex?



## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

I can't remember the last time my husband and I really kissed, and I mean tongue action! We peck on the lips all the time but never tongue, no making out. Even when we have sex there is no kissing. I think it really starts with me and I just don't want to. He doesn't seem to care and it never comes up. The thought of kissing is great but I don't enjoy saliva in my mouth, even if it is from my husband. Ok what the hell is wrong with me?


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

I don't know what's "wrong" with you (if anything) but kissing is huge for me! I love it! It's incredibly intimate, in some ways, more intimate than sex. My experience is that it's extremely important for me.

I remember reading a study which stated that oxytocin (the bonding hormone) is released in women by touch and released in men by kissing.

Also, kissing gives me an idea of what kind of partner she will be in bed. I love to kiss my partner before sex, during sex, and after sex and when we're on a walk and when we're in the movies and...

I like it - a lot!!!


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

DDC said:


> I don't know what's "wrong" with you (if anything) but kissing is huge for me! I love it! It's incredibly intimate, in some ways, more intimate than sex. My experience is that it's extremely important for me.
> 
> I remember reading a study which stated that oxytocin (the bonding hormone) is released in women by touch and released in men by kissing.
> 
> ...


Ahhhh so I guess you and I don't have chance together huh? lol


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

Texas Lady said:


> Ahhhh so I guess you and I don't have chance together huh? lol


Probably not! :lol: But I don't fool around with married women so even if you loved kissing, I'm afraid it wouldn't work.


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> I love kissing my hubby. I think he would say the same. Sex wouldn't be the same if we didn't kiss before, during and after sex. Sex would seem less passionate without the kissing.
> I don't get saliva in my mouth when he kisses me. Am I so in the moment and not noticing it? Maybe. Or more likely he doesn't kiss with a lot of saliva. I can see why that would be turn off to you so you need to teach him to kiss you the way you like.
> 
> How old are you? Have you liked kissing with any other man?


I am 32 and yes I think I did but I can't really remember. Hmm maybe it is the way my husband kisses but I can't even remember that. I just think of a lot of tongue and saliva - not my thing! I would give the man a BJ before wanting to make out. At the same time, if I see a hot movie make out scene, I wish I could do that too.


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

DDC said:


> Probably not! :lol: But I don't fool around with married women so even if you loved kissing, I'm afraid it wouldn't work.


Don't worry, I'm about to divorce the SOB since he can't kiss! We may have a chance !


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

Texas Lady said:


> Don't worry, I'm about to divorce the SOB since he can't kiss! We may have a chance !


:lol: I love your optimism!


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

I love kissing! Its the main thing that gets my blood flowing!


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

My H absolutely loves kissing. Instant boner. It is the craziest thing to me even now. He absolutely wants to make out all the time.

Me? I really don't like kissing that much. Its not him, its just how I am and have always been.

I do it anyway because I know H likes it. I am like you...the thought of it is just yuck. But I seem to have a threshold, if I kiss for a certain amount of time I can get past the initial yuck and get into it.

I just make myself do it and don't give myself time to think about it.

One of the problems we have is that H comes on too strong when kissing. He is so over excited about it that he goes for tongue right away and wants to pin me down and tongue rape me! Its too much for me. We are working on it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Although I have never quite got there.... I've been close to orgasm from looooong slooooo french kissing with H.... just delicious!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Mmmmmmmm kissing. It's one of my favorite things to do.


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

kag123 said:


> My H absolutely loves kissing. Instant boner. It is the craziest thing to me even now. He absolutely wants to make out all the time.
> 
> Me? I really don't like kissing that much. Its not him, its just how I am and have always been.
> 
> ...


Glad I am not alone! Maybe I need to try again and see if we can improve on it too.


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

waiwera said:


> Although I have never quite got there.... I've been close to orgasm from looooong slooooo french kissing with H.... just delicious!


Wow I think you enjoy kissing!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Kissing is a must for me.
Before , during and after sex .
Not just the " wet ones "on her mouth,
All over!
I love the smell of her skin,especially in the morning while she's still in bed.
I like to kiss he tummy ,navel....get the picture.


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Kissing is a must for me.
> Before , during and after sex .
> Not just the " wet ones "on her mouth,
> All over!
> ...


Yes I definitely get the picture! You make it sound wonderful and body kissing would be great BUT it is the wet on the lips, full tongue in my mouth that I feel yucky about. I guess I should straight out ask my husband if this bothers him. I wonder if I put it this way, "would you rather kiss or I give you a BJ a day?" wonder what he would choose?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Texas Lady said:


> Yes I definitely get the picture! You make it sound wonderful and body kissing would be great BUT it is the wet on the lips, full tongue in my mouth that I feel yucky about. I guess I should straight out ask my husband if this bothers him.* I wonder if I put it this way, "would you rather kiss or I give you a BJ a day?" wonder what he would choose?*


He'd say both.... well, if he's like most men I know lol, including my husband


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

waiwera said:


> Although I have never quite got there.... I've been close to orgasm from looooong slooooo french kissing with H.... just delicious!


Same with me and my H... and it just gets better each day... so yeah... kissing sure as hell matters to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Okay I'm going to confess my dirty little secret. Once upon a time when I was in the early years of our marriage I developed an aversion to kissing. So I just quit doing it. He never said anything and that was the end of it.

Years later I began to miss it and tried to start up again but it didn't work so well. He wouldn't kiss me. He wouldn't necessarily reject me but I'd usually give up within a few weeks because he wasn't into it anymore. I was so sad.

Slowly but surely I've fixed this.

My take now is men truly do want BOTH. Bj's and kissing. I regret what I did now and if I could go back I would have worked harder to fix it (on my end).

It matters.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Texas Lady said:


> Yes I definitely get the picture! You make it sound wonderful and body kissing would be great BUT it is the wet on the lips, full tongue in my mouth that I feel yucky about. I guess I should straight out ask my husband if this bothers him. I wonder if I put it this way, "would you rather kiss or I give you a BJ a day?" wonder what he would choose?




Maybe he needs to take it slow with the" tongue in mouth " kisses.
Maybe you don't like his technique.
Maybe you should address it from that angle.
But if I were to choose between a BJ and a wet sensual kiss,I would always choose the kiss.
I have always been told by my wife and others before her that they love athe way I kiss.
Nothing turns me on like feeling a woman's body rise slowly in temperature and melt at the same time, in my arms.

So this is my basic method.
1] Lock Lips and slowly work my way up to a tongue exchange.
2]Take some air,kiss collarbone ,neck,ear etc. [ wife loves that!]
3]We both get aroused,hands start to caress/ grope all over.
4]Her hands reach " down there' and she bites her lips or my lips.
5]She gets her hand inside, releases him and plays with him.
6] She looks into my eyes and smiles.
7]She gets down and kisses him,and bingo! I get a BJ and a nice wet kiss

" Kill two birds with one stone."


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lol man I wish my comp was working... I would definately like your post caribbean! Course.... I am behind on liking anyway though.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Okay I'm going to confess my dirty little secret. Once upon a time when I was in the early years of our marriage I developed an aversion to kissing. So I just quit doing it. He never said anything and that was the end of it.
> 
> Years later I began to miss it and tried to start up again but it didn't work so well. He wouldn't kiss me. He wouldn't necessarily reject me but I'd usually give up within a few weeks because he wasn't into it anymore. I was so sad.
> 
> ...


Hmm I don't know if I would ever feel sad about it, but you never know. If this actually upset him, then of course I will kiss him (I may need some whiskey first) but I would do it. ;D


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Maybe he needs to take it slow with the" tongue in mouth " kisses.
> Maybe you don't like his technique.
> Maybe you should address it from that angle.
> But if I were to choose between a BJ and a wet sensual kiss,I would always choose the kiss.
> ...


Wow I feel like I just cheated on my husband by reading your post! Ever think about writing a book? lol no but really I think my hubby needs to read the post too - hold on I think I need to read it again ;D


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

I'm like you OP. I have a serious aversion to saliva. Even when my kids were babies, I was sort of grossed out by the saliva on their chins, lol. When we are having sex and I am really getting into it, I don't mind it so much. Definitely don't like to start out "cold" and just kiss for the sake of kissing though.


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

livnlearn said:


> I'm like you OP. I have a serious aversion to saliva. Even when my kids were babies, I was sort of grossed out by the saliva on their chins, lol. When we are having sex and I am really getting into it, I don't mind it so much. Definitely don't like to start out "cold" and just kiss for the sake of kissing though.


Omg that sounds just like me! I don't like the wetness with the kids too! Something about saliva. I wonder if there is a name for it like salivaphobia?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Queunliskanphobia is the fear of saliva. Not sure if I spelled it right though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Queunliskanphobia is the fear of saliva. Not sure if I spelled it right though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Man, there is a fear for everything! Now I am actually just grossed out by it but still. Also, I just don't think kissing for me feels like it looks. Like I will see a really hot make out scene on TV and think wow but I don't feel that when I am kissing my husband. I get hot when we do other things but never kissing.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I was never into kissing either and felt much like you do but that changed when I met my H. Of course everyone has prefrences and whatnot. When you do kiss your h are you thinking about it instead of feeling it? Has he ever kissed you when you weren't expecting it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

No kissing during sex? After she dips her fingers in her essence and slowly draws them around her mouth and lips? Get outta here!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I was never into kissing either and felt much like you do but that changed when I met my H. Of course everyone has prefrences and whatnot. When you do kiss your h are you thinking about it instead of feeling it? Has he ever kissed you when you weren't expecting it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The only time I remember enjoying kissing was when I was drunk, so I guess I do over think it. He doesn't just kiss me but I think it's because he knows how I am.


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> No kissing during sex? After she dips her fingers in her essence and slowly draws them around her mouth and lips? Get outta here!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whoa seriously? Never even thought of that wow !


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## 44girlfromthesouth (Jul 13, 2012)

When I met my H the thing I loved the most about him was the way he could make me melt with a loonnng slooww kiss. Oh my! It was soo amazing. After we got married he slowly but surely stopped kissing and now it is just a peck. Not really any kissing during sex either. I have tried to talk to him about it and he always just blows me off saying he wasn't that great a kisser and why is it such a big deal. I miss it terribly and can't figure out how to get him back around to doing it again. It's sad to think I might not ever get to kiss like that again. Yes, I think it is important. Obviously my H doesn't. It is just something that makes me feel loved, feel close, intimate with him.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

yep im a kisser too!!!!

and what is wrong with you? haha

has it just recently become a thing, or ongoing?


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

44girlfromthesouth said:


> When I met my H the thing I loved the most about him was the way he could make me melt with a loonnng slooww kiss. Oh my! It was soo amazing. After we got married he slowly but surely stopped kissing and now it is just a peck. Not really any kissing during sex either. I have tried to talk to him about it and he always just blows me off saying he wasn't that great a kisser and why is it such a big deal. I miss it terribly and can't figure out how to get him back around to doing it again. It's sad to think I might not ever get to kiss like that again. Yes, I think it is important. Obviously my H doesn't. It is just something that makes me feel loved, feel close, intimate with him.


That is odd that he was great at it and you loved it, yet he stopped. Maybe some men on here could give possible reasons. That just doesn't make sense. I would think as a husband, if I knew kissing my wife like that made her hot I would do it!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband would be utterly devestated if I was not into kissing... we kiss so long we are breathing through each other...tongues & all... a sweet part of our forplay.....and during. 

If we haven't had sex in 4 + days....I have noticed, the kissing seems more Electric for me...like an ocean of pleasure I just can't get enough of , our lips so in sinc thristing for each other somehow......so it seems the hornier I am when we kiss, the hotter it is...I never want it to end.... 

The kissing doesn't stop at our lips, we both slowly work our way down each others bodies -lots of kissing and saliva all over the place. Love it !

Found this >> Aversion to tongue/french kissing? - Yahoo! Answers

What Is a Fear of Saliva? ..... *Queunliskanphobia* is the name for a "salia phobia"


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> yep im a kisser too!!!!
> 
> and what is wrong with you? haha
> 
> has it just recently become a thing, or ongoing?


Haha many things are wrong with me! This is an ongoing thing. Even when we dated we didn't kiss much. Maybe I can begin to like it or love it. I will see what hubby thinks. I'm probably going to have nightmares about large tongues tonight!


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

AHAHAH!!!

well i hope you do
If it has always been something in your relationship and youve both not ever brought it up then id say its a two way street on this one!!


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## 44girlfromthesouth (Jul 13, 2012)

I would love it if someone could give me some insight on why my H may have changed. But you know, H is a very much "gotta be in control" kind of guy. Another example of that is that we don't have sex unless H initiates it. If its my idea he will turn me down every time. So it seems like because kissing is something I dearly love so much...and it isn't his idea...then he won't do it. I need suggestions to turn my guy around.....


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## tiredandout (Jun 1, 2011)

Dayamn, I have the exact opposite problem. I LOVE kissing. Pecks, french kisses, you name it. Too much forceful tongue action is a turn-off for me, but otherwise everything is game. 

My and my H kiss before and during sex — and I can't even imagine it without it, I could never get in the mood without some lipsyncing. But he doesn't like to kiss much otherwise. He gives pecks — sometimes on the lips, but mostly prefers them on the cheek — but doesn't want to french kiss let alone make out if it won't lead to sex. We did it a lot in the beginning of our relationship, couldn't get enough of each other, but since the initial lust subsided he has stated that he doesn't want it anymore. To him, he says, it is _too_ arousing! He gets too horny from making out and then finds it hard if it doesn't lead to sex. Well, I find this hard because making out and kissing outside the bedroom would make me feel much more sexual and thus I would feel hornier once we actually got to sex. Now I feel like I have to pump myself up to be in the mood, when some more regular playfulness would keep that mood up more consistantly.

I don't think there's anything bad in you not liking it, to each there own. But if it is causing problems with desire in your r/s then it might be something to address. I've talked about my feelings to H, but we just don't see eye to eye. Secretly I have tried to implement more pecks on the lips instead of cheek-pecks, and slowly sneaking in some tongue action sometimes. I think my husband does enjoy it and sometimes even initiates it these days! It is a slow learning curve.. But maybe he just needs to be gently shown that kissing can be something else then either polite pecks on the cheek or aggressive tongue groping action. There is a middle ground, and I'm committed to showing him the way there.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

some people produce more saliva than others maybe he is one of them and the extra saliva is a turn off to you.

ask him if its important to him....something like I have noticed that we don't kiss very much dose that bother you then throw in the I'd rather blow you than kiss you. thats an arrangement I could live with!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Texas Lady said:


> I can't remember the last time my husband and I really kissed, and I mean tongue action! We peck on the lips all the time but never tongue, no making out. Even when we have sex there is no kissing. I think it really starts with me and I just don't want to. He doesn't seem to care and it never comes up. The thought of kissing is great but I don't enjoy saliva in my mouth, even if it is from my husband. Ok what the hell is wrong with me?


Did you ever like kissing?

There are lots of different ways to kiss, and it doesn't have to be French style where you swap saliva. 

Maybe you should do an experiment and try and start incorporating different kinds of kisses in at different times - both inside and outside the bedroom, or start to use your lips to kiss different parts of each other's bodies. See if it makes a positive difference in your relationship.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Deep-kissing is sometimes OK just all by itself! It can be the moodsetter for any other probable activity. IMHO, if one really doesn't like deep-kissing, then they must absolutely abhor any type of oral sex!


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

Enchantment said:


> Did you ever like kissing?
> 
> There are lots of different ways to kiss, and it doesn't have to be French style where you swap saliva.
> 
> Maybe you should do an experiment and try and start incorporating different kinds of kisses in at different times - both inside and outside the bedroom, or start to use your lips to kiss different parts of each other's bodies. See if it makes a positive difference in your relationship.


I don't think I ever loved kissing but maybe I need to start including it in the different ways, like you mention.


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> Deep-kissing is sometimes OK just all by itself! It can be the moodsetter for any other probable activity. IMHO, if one really doesn't like deep-kissing, then they must absolutely abhor any type of oral sex!


Now with the oral sex, you would think so but it is quite the opposite. I can't explain why but don't like kissing but really enjoy giving my husband a BJ. His wetness below is welcomed, just not the wetness from his mouth. I guess it's like how I hate the taste of tomatoes but love ketchup?!


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Texas Lady said:


> Now with the oral sex, you would think so but it is quite the opposite. I can't explain why but don't like kissing but really enjoy giving my husband a BJ. His wetness below is welcomed, just not the wetness from his mouth. I guess it's like how I hate the taste of tomatoes but love ketchup?!


BJs but no kisses? Oooh, that's a close one . . . .

How about kisses AFTER the BJ? I'd love that! But then I guess I'm weird in that I don't have hangups about bodily fluids ordinarily involved in lovemaking.


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> BJs but no kisses? Oooh, that's a close one . . . .
> 
> How about kisses AFTER the BJ? I'd love that! But then I guess I'm weird in that I don't have hangups about bodily fluids ordinarily involved in lovemaking.


Wait you mean, he shoots in my mouth and then I give him a kiss? Lol he better hope I swallow first!!


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Texas Lady said:


> Wait you mean, he shoots in my mouth and then I give him a kiss? Lol he better hope I swallow first!!


Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Surprises are fun.


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Surprises are fun.


Oh really! Never thought a guy would like that kind of thing. Very interesting - I will have to think about that one!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

No kissing, no loving.


I could not keep up a sexual relationship with someone who would not kiss and make out.... and once in a while like horney high school kids...


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## gabster555 (Apr 13, 2012)

kissing is a bonding time..... Everyday.... try kissing for a duration of 15 seconds with your husband and tell yourself your going to enjoy the 15 seconds a day.....things can feel fake at first but will normal after a while


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

I like to kiss my wife after going down on her. She rarely takes my cum in her mouth, but when she does, I don't mind kissing her afterwards, whether there is cum still in her mouth or not. I think it's HAWT!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I adore kissing! it makes me feel closer to my partner.if we're angry and trying to get through it we make out like teenagers.sounds simply and maybe even silly but it helps.

and yes,i think kissing matters!


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

My wife is the type that won't kiss after I go down on her and I would love to kiss while cumming during sex. I guess it's a decent trade in my case because performing cunnilingus on her is one of my favorite things to do. At times after a few drinks, I can basically force the climax kiss and she let's it happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Kissing is definitely important for us. And I love it, but only when his breath doesn't reek. lol. He always has to use mouthwash first. Or drink a beer.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

keeper63 said:


> I like to kiss my wife after going down on her. She rarely takes my cum in her mouth, but when she does, I don't mind kissing her afterwards, whether there is cum still in her mouth or not. I think it's HAWT!


Agreed! But to be fair, not all men will agree with this. Many will fear that it shows they are gay.

Bah! to them. And a double Bah! if at the same time they like to kiss their wife after going down on her. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

But that's just my opinion.


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## nexgen (Mar 6, 2012)

I've seen and experienced many relationship altering decisions made during a kiss, both positive and negative. Lots of people seem to overlook the power of a (real) kiss, and I believe this is not to be taken lightly.

For me, kissing is one of the most intimate interactions I could have with a woman. A kiss implies trust and security, allowing yourself to be both vulnerable and brave at the same time. A kiss is a way to offer of yourself completely to another, and receive the same in return. A kiss is a way to reassure the other of your commitment and receive the same in return. A kiss can allow you to be the protector and the protected. It can turn sadness into joy, it can remove lonliness and heartbreak, it can even create anger and jealousy!

...but most of all it can strengthen love, or even pull love right out of thin air and inject it into your heart.


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> Agreed! But to be fair, not all men will agree with this. Many will fear that it shows they are gay.
> 
> Bah! to them. And a double Bah! if at the same time they like to kiss their wife after going down on her. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
> 
> But that's just my opinion.


I will kiss my partner on the mouth regardless of where her mouth has been on me. And I'm talking everywhere. 

Never understood men who had a hang-up about this.


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

best definition between making love and ****ing. Are you kissing and staring in your partners eyes.

If your not, your just ****ing


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## Texas Lady (Jul 18, 2012)

Knoxvillekelly said:


> best definition between making love and ****ing. Are you kissing and staring in your partners eyes.
> 
> If your not, your just ****ing


I prefer Fing so that makes sense.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

For my partner and I, kissing is very much a part of foreplay.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I love kissing during sex. For me it increases the level of excitement. While I'm inside her really hot kissing will bring me closer to orgasm. Sometimes I'll have to pause kissing for few seconds to regain control.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I love kissing. Before my wife, with girlfriends I would have kissing only make out sessions that would last hours. 

My wife doesn't like it though. Just pecks. If I try for more she'll change it up. And sometimes she does this weird fake passionate kissing. It's very annoying because I want the real thing. And sometimes she'll come in for a kiss and stick her tongue out and lick me instead. She thinks it's funny. Or she'll lick my nose. Argh.


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

Texas Lady said:


> I can't remember the last time my husband and I really kissed, and I mean tongue action! We peck on the lips all the time but never tongue, no making out. Even when we have sex there is no kissing. I think it really starts with me and I just don't want to. He doesn't seem to care and it never comes up. The thought of kissing is great but I don't enjoy saliva in my mouth, even if it is from my husband. Ok what the hell is wrong with me?


So my wife is a lot like you. She is not grossed out by saliva, but she's just not into kissing other than a peck on the lips. It really sucks for me and I kind of resent her for that and other things. But lately, I've made it a point to make out every day, at least twice per day. I think she's getting accustomed to it and maybe even liking it again. Just yesterday, she came back to the bedroom and gave me about a 15 second make-out kiss before I went to bed. 

We've been married 14+ years. We did lose that part of the intimacy for a while but it looks like we're getting it back slowly.


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