# Lessons Learned ?



## Looking to heal (Jun 15, 2011)

In January, we decided to separate.

I discovered affair in May and we were trying to work things out.

For the record, I advocated for a softer approach as the BS here but I realize now this approach does not work.

I am looking forward to the next phase of my life and glad the uncertainty has lifted.

Kids in the picture will do my best to make the transition as smooth as possible for them.

Part of me will always wonder what if I had taken more of the advice offered here than I actually did.

I am interested in people who have gone through the separation phase and what if any changes are to be expected as far as the interaction between me and my spouse/ex-spouse

Also, lately since I have gotten to this point and have regained self esteem from a very low point, I am finding that I have been a little careless with my interaction with women. How to manage this going forward. Probably need to lay low for a while but easier said than done.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Looking to heal said:


> In January, we decided to separate.
> 
> I discovered affair in May and we were trying to work things out.
> 
> ...


Okay...pretty straight forward post. Describe "careless" with women? Are you engaging in less than safe acts with women or you can just CARE LESS for women in general?


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## Looking to heal (Jun 15, 2011)

Looking for some type of validation both physical and emotional (though no unprotected sex) from women without being in a place to give anything concrete back in terms of wanting a relationship or long term connection I guess.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Well, any kind of validation your looking for will feel false and empty when and if you recieve it. That's why it's strongly recommend that you do not date for a while after coming out of these relationships. At least not till you've had time to heal. Because it wouldn't be fair to you and it certainly wouldn't be fair to the girl that you are dating.


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