# still in love with Cheating wife, pleas help



## Bremen1984 (Dec 16, 2012)

Ok I am 27 years old and my “Wife” is 23, I just found out that she has been cheating on me with 3 other men, one of which we were not even married for a year at that time. I got her sexy texting a coworker she told me a little while before that, that he had kissed her. I just found out that she had sex with him. Then not even a month after that she goes to see her family and I find out that she had sex with someone there. 
My thing is that I still love her very much, at the same time I don’t want to trust her any more so that I am not as blind as I was before. I don’t really know what is going to happen with us if we are going to try and work it out or if we are just going to say good bye and that is it. 
If we are to try and work it out I don’t think that she is willing to do the things that she must in order to rebuild the relationship ie. Quit her job because she had sex with one of the guys there, there might be another guy that she had sex with from work but don’t really know. Stop drinking as she does it so much and every time she goes out she puts herself in situations that things could happen. And last but not lest is the last person that I know about I think might be a friend from her childhood, and this is the one that I feel she would never let go. 
I lover very much, we have had sex after she told about what she did and the first time all I could think about was them.. this in turn was really bad, the other time we have had sex I felt that she is still my wife and my feelings would not change on that. She had lied to me about things in her past before we got married, why I don’t know. 
What she does not know even though we are having sex I have not had orgasm in months even before she told me. I have been faking them for a while now, and trust me that is not easy as I am a guy. I don’t want to make the same miss takes that I did before, I can’t tell the future for me and us. The question that I have is this. 
At the moment we are pretending that she never did what she did, we are pretending that nothing has happened. I don’t think that she will stop seeing the guys that she ****ed and I know if the person that she seen at her parents house was a friend then she will never stop talking to him or seeing him and at that point I find out we are over, done , never again. 
I don’t think she wants to change for us, I think that this is just her. I am not ready to say good bye even though I know she is not going to do what she needs to do.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Bremen1984 said:


> Ok I am 27 years old and my “Wife” is 23, I just found out that she has been cheating on me with 3 other men, one of which we were not even married for a year at that time. I got her sexy texting a coworker she told me a little while before that, that he had kissed her. I just found out that she had sex with him. Then not even a month after that she goes to see her family and I find out that she had sex with someone there.
> My thing is that I still love her very much, at the same time I don’t want to trust her any more so that I am not as blind as I was before. I don’t really know what is going to happen with us if we are going to try and work it out or if we are just going to say good bye and that is it.
> If we are to try and work it out I don’t think that she is willing to do the things that she must in order to rebuild the relationship ie. Quit her job because she had sex with one of the guys there, there might be another guy that she had sex with from work but don’t really know. Stop drinking as she does it so much and every time she goes out she puts herself in situations that things could happen. And last but not lest is the last person that I know about I think might be a friend from her childhood, and this is the one that I feel she would never let go.
> I lover very much, we have had sex after she told about what she did and the first time all I could think about was them.. this in turn was really bad, the other time we have had sex I felt that she is still my wife and my feelings would not change on that. She had lied to me about things in her past before we got married, why I don’t know.
> ...


Did I miss the question?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Are you waiting for your wife to give you an std or aids?

What are you looking or other than pain?


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

run


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

She's only 23 and she's already cheated with 3 guys (that you know of) Hey, you're only 27. You're young. No kids, right? Run. As fast as you can. She's too far gone. You'll never trust her again. I know you love her and it hurts. But imagine how much hurt you're going to have living with her for the rest of your life. How much are you willing to put up with? Get your self-respect back and let her be single. Let her be somebody else's problem. There are plenty of women out there that will respect you and your marriage.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Start looking out for your self and take some time and go out for a few days with out her and clear your head.

Once you distance your self from your day today you may start to see between the trees.

What you will find is a girl that has no respect for you, lacks boundries, has a drinking problem, and lacks the moral compase to change.

If you don't take action you will be tortured for the rest of your life by staying with this girl.

You owe it to your self to be happy and healthy...emotionaly and physically.

You are currently on the path to raising other mens children and catching a STD. Emotionally speaking you are a path of depression and anxiety problems.

This girl will bring out the worst in you.


You love a broken girl who has major issues. She is only willing to face these issues by getting sexually used and humiliated while drinking so much that her demons get buried.

If you walk away and divorce her she may realize that she needs help....it might be the best thing you can do for her.

Stop enabling this girl and divorce her so she can face the consequences and get help.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Bremen1984 said:


> What she does not know even though we are having sex I have not had orgasm in months even before she told me. I have been faking them for a while now, and trust me that is not easy as I am a guy.


Why do you fake orgasms?

Why not say "ok baby I'm done with the screwing now suck me off".

Time to take charge of the situation.


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## Bremen1984 (Dec 16, 2012)

ok thanks all for your reply, i should have lead with this. 
My wife has had a very hard life that i knew about before hand and knew that she could cheat beforehand. 

My goal is not to get devoiced to her, let me just explain a little about her and her past. 
My wife was born to a drug addicted mother, a sexually abusive father. She was adopted at the age of five to an emotional and physically abusive parents. When she was in foster care she was reputedly raped and keep in mind that she was not even 5 years old at this time. 
She ran away from home at the age of 14, she was again repeatedly raped, but her ex BF and by other men. She really is a wonderful person just has many issues. I know that she has cheated and I am a studding counselling/philology I have done 2 years schooling is sex therapy. And i know that in most relationships they don’t just cheat for sex expectedly women, i admit that i was not the best husband to her and that i could have been more kind, and there for her and that i was not. 
I know that i made her feel like **** at times and that i did not show her that i cared, i pushed her in to what she had done. It takes two to be married and it takes two for someone to cheat. I have helped many couples rebuild their broken relationships, and i know that she could or i could cheat. I know that. My question is NOT to get people to say to leave her and forget about her, i cant i am not ready for that. 
What i am asking is how do i convince her to go and seek help and do it without pushing her away.
I was not the peachy husband in the beginning, i was coming off drugs and alcohol myself, was very depressed and hated life and every one in it. So no i don’t blame her for cheating i have thought about it myself many times. I need to know how to get her help and where to start. 
And yes i have had many STD checks i do them every 4-6 months, it is just a tick that i have don’t know why i started doing them before i started having sex.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Wow - codependency in action.

Why do you want to be with someone who has no love, respect or attraction for you? You don't respect yourself. No one loves someone who doesn't respect themselves.

Stop trying to fix her. You've taken her on a project. IF she doesn't want to get counseling you can't make her.

I guess an intervention is a possibility. Do you want to be her white knight? This is so unhealthy on so many levels I just want to shake both of you and whack your heads together.


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## patterned (Dec 3, 2012)

I agree with the guy.

She's an adult. Regardless of her past she's responsible for her actions. Any work you do is enabling her to continue to be childish and disrespectful. 

Someone needs to take care of you, the only person that can do that is you. You cannot help her by disrespecting yourself.

I can relate, I know how it feels. Despite how much it hurts, you're not in control here, her path is not up to you.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

You can not fix her. Only she can do that. You can not help her. Nobody can. Until SHE is ready.

If she goes to counseling for you, it will not work. She needs to respect herself enough to want help. 

You need to respect yourself enough to not be a doormat.


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