# I am crushing 😻 big time.



## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

I am have developed strong feelings for my co worker. He is very kind, thoughtful, and attractive. We work well as a team at work. I admire him as a person. The last 4 months I have developed strong feelings for him. Two months ago I decided to work at a sister hospital in an attempt to keep my distance and shake these feelings because I am married. I missed him a lot while I was gone and when I came back my feelings were even stronger. So strong that I had to tell him. When when I told him he was surprised that I would be even interested in him. He told me he was flattered and he thought I was very attractive and that if I wasn’t married he would date me in a heartbeat. He said he did not want to ruin my married. We ended the conversation with him telling me that he would be open having lunch but he also said he thought that was a dangerous idea. I am confused what to do. 

Background about my marriage. I have been married for 10 years. Have 3 kids. Our marriage has had ups and downs with multiple sessions of counseling. Our issues have involved sex, connection, finances and chores. Sex: he wants more of it (we average about 3 times a month). It’s not that I don’t want more but I just feel our connection is only physical. I long for an emotional and intellectual connection. He not one for conversations or hanging out. I invite to exercise with me, or go for a walk or a hike and the answer is always no. He works night shift and sleeps all day long. Even when on his days off, he sleep at night and takes long naps during the day (4 to 6 hour naps). He is okay as much time together as long as we are having sex. Chores: even though we both work full time I do 70-80% of in-house chores and I do 100% of the yard work which includes mowing the lawn, gardening and snow ploughing. It’s a bit annoying to see all the husbands in the neighborhood mowing the lawn 100% of the time I am the only wife mowing the lawn. When I ask him to mow next time. He excuse is it’s too hot, I will do it late and it NEVER happens so I end just doing it. Finances: he is very uninvolved. I managed every. All he does set up direct deposit for his paycheck and swipe. He is the only person I know who swipes their card multiple times a day, mostly on soda and snacks. The last 2 years I have been dreaming of getting a divorce because I feel like I am just a live in booty call and maid. The only reason I have not given up is because I don’t want to hurt him. I am not even too worried about the kids. I think they can handle it. It’s my husband, I am worried about. 

Now back to my crush. How do I get over this. I am so afraid that I am going to cheat. I love the feeling I get when i see him. I so badly want to take the chance and go out to lunch with him, but I so afraid I will fall even more. I am absolutely head over heals for this guy. Please help!!!


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Kay978 said:


> I am have developed strong feelings for my co worker. He is very kind, thoughtful, and attractive. We work well as a team at work. I admire him as a person. The last 4 months I have developed strong feelings for him. Two months ago I decided to work at a sister hospital in an attempt to keep my distance and shake these feelings because I am married. I missed him a lot while I was gone and when I came back my feelings were even stronger. So strong that I had to tell him. When when I told him he was surprised that I would be even interested in him. He told me he was flattered and he thought I was very attractive and that if I wasn’t married he would date me in a heartbeat. He said he did not want to ruin my married. We ended the conversation with him telling me that he would be open having lunch but he also said he thought that was a dangerous idea. I am confused what to do.
> 
> Background about my marriage. I have been married for 10 years. Have 3 kids. Our marriage has had ups and downs with multiple sessions of counseling. Our issues have involved sex, connection, finances and chores. Sex: he wants more of it (we average about 3 times a month). It’s not that I don’t want more but I just feel our connection is only physical. I long for an emotional and intellectual connection. He not one for conversations or hanging out. I invite to exercise with me, or go for a walk or a hike and the answer is always no. He works night shift and sleeps all day long. Even when on his days off, he sleep at night and takes long naps during the day (4 to 6 hour naps). He is okay as much time together as long as we are having sex. Chores: even though we both work full time I do 70-80% of in-house chores and I do 100% of the yard work which includes mowing the lawn, gardening and snow ploughing. It’s a bit annoying to see all the husbands in the neighborhood mowing the lawn 100% of the time I am the only wife mowing the lawn. When I ask him to mow next time. He excuse is it’s too hot, I will do it late and it NEVER happens so I end just doing it. Finances: he is very uninvolved. I managed every. All he does set up direct deposit for his paycheck and swipe. He is the only person I know who swipes their card multiple times a day, mostly on soda and snacks. The last 2 years I have been dreaming of getting a divorce because I feel like I am just a live in booty call and maid. The only reason I have not given up is because I don’t want to hurt him. I am not even too worried about the kids. I think they can handle it. It’s my husband, I am worried about.
> 
> Now back to my crush. How do I get over this. I am so afraid that I am going to cheat. I love the feeling I get when i see him. I so badly want to take the chance and go out to lunch with him, but I so afraid I will fall even more. I am absolutely head over heals for this guy. Please help!!!


You have 2 choices in my opinion. You won’t like either one.

1. Divorce immediately, before things progress with Mr Right.

2. Quit your job, confess unhappiness to your husband, and get into marriage counseling asap.

Any other option will lead to you giving in and becoming a cheater.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I'd figure out your marriage first, if it's worth working on and saving, or if you need to divorce, before you consider going to lunch, or taking things further with this guy at work, or any guy. 

Don't cheat on your husband. No matter how much your husband lacks, cheating on him won't change your marriage. 

And part of your infatuation with the guy at work, is you only see his best side. You have no idea who he is outside of work, or what kind of character he has. Be careful to not throw away your reality, with its ups and downs, for a fantasy that will go absolutely nowhere.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You are a married lady with children, you are taken and not free to date. If I were you I would get another job or a transfer and definitely don't go to lunch with him. You had no business telling him of your crush on him. 
Then once you have left your job you can work on your marriage and see what you want to do.

Stop fantasizing about another man, you really don't know him and the grass isn't greener the other side of the fence.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Your first mistake was telling him. Don’t make a second one.


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## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> You are a married lady with children, you are taken and not free to date. If I were you I would get another job or a transfer and definitely don't go to lunch with him. You had no business telling him of your crush on him.
> Then once you have left your job you can work on your marriage and see what you want to do.
> 
> Stop fantasizing about another man, you really don't know him and the grass isn't greener the other side of the fence.


You are right I have no business dating as I am married, however asking me to quit my job is a bit much. I absolutely love my job. I have great team. I have gone through a lot in the last few few years and doing what I do makes me so happy. I would not give that up for anything. I just have to get over these feelings I have but on the other hand I love feeling them so it’s hard.


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## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

Openminded said:


> Your first mistake was telling him. Don’t make a second one.


Agreed. On one hand I wish I didn’t and on the other I am glad I did. He was happy and flattered to know. I was glad to get it off my chest.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Kay978 said:


> You are right I have no business dating as I am married, however asking me to quit my job is a bit much. I absolutely love my job. I have great team. I have gone through a lot in the last few few years and doing what I do makes me so happy. I would not give that up for anything. I just have to get over these feelings I have but on the other hand I love feeling them so it’s hard.


Sorry but if it comes down to your marriage or your job, your marriage should be your first choice.

You have a husband and 3 children here who will be absolutely devastated if you follow through with this. I my husband came to me with something like this, it would absolutely be a requirement that he quit his job if we were to stay together. It's completely unreasonable of you to expect your husband to be ok with you seeing this person every working day.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Kay978 said:


> You are right I have no business dating as I am married, however asking me to quit my job is a bit much. I absolutely love my job. I have great team. I have gone through a lot in the last few few years and doing what I do makes me so happy. I would not give that up for anything. I just have to get over these feelings I have but on the other hand I love feeling them so it’s hard.


If you don’t put up a very hard, impenetrable wall between you and Mr Right, then you will find a way to justify cheating. I see it in your language.

what’s more important, your job or your marriage. I think you have a choice to make.


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## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

frusdil said:


> Sorry but if it comes down to your marriage or your job, your marriage should be your first choice.
> 
> You have a husband and 3 children here who will be absolutely devastated if you follow through with this. I my husband came to me with something like this, it would absolutely be a requirement that he quit his job if we were to stay together. It's completely unreasonable of you to expect your husband to be ok with you seeing this person every working day.


I absolutely love my job. I love my marriage sometimes but most times I feel like a house keeper, who works a full time job while my husband only sleeps, and works. There is no quality time. I have never cheated in my life and I don’t want to. And as much as I want to go out just one time I will never go with it.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

I will not talk about your crush as everyone has , so I will talk about what is important here 

Your marriage 

have you looked at Divorce 
DO YOU THINK IT COULD BE THE BEST 
there are two types of men the type that try to help and are present in their relationship , and the type that take everything for granted until they see it falling apart ,

you have tried to do some MC 
have you told him or the MC of your interest in this co worker ( I will not call him Mr Right as he is not in any way into you he did not look to turn your head and he was right not to get involved with a married woman )

if you have not talked about having feelings to your mc then your not open 
you need to get a post in the other hospital if you want to give your marriage a chance,
you need to talk in mc about your needs and not just act like you are doing the most to save it while thinking of your coworker 

you need to point out to your husband what is wrong all the things you said here and the need for a job that is better for his marriage ,
both seem to be putting their job first and you even talk about your co workers as if they are family 
most co workers are good to work with but they are just co workers at the end of the day ,

you have to be honest to yourself do you want to fix this or become a single person and when the kids are not with you he is going to have to get out of bed to mind them or he will not have them


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Kay978 said:


> I absolutely love my job. I love my marriage sometimes but most times I feel like a house keeper, who works a full time job while my husband only sleeps, and works. There is no quality time. I have never cheated in my life and I don’t want to. And as much as I want to go out just one time I will never go with it.


Keep allowing yourself to flirt with temptation and you eventually will cross a line.

Your current dissatisfaction with your husband / marriage / homelife, combined with the excitement and emotional high of another man that you are attracted to is a very dangerous combination that can create emotional justification and rationalization to cross boundaries that can’t be uncrossed.
If you allow yourself access and proximity to this kind of temptation, sooner or later you will likely give in to it. The only way to win is to deny the battle.

Loyal, honorable spouses aren’t better at fighting temptation, they’re wise enough to actively avoid inappropriate and tempting situations.

Your behavior is completely unacceptable for a married woman. And as devastating as it will be to him, your husband deserves to know about all of this.
He should know that he doesn’t have his wife’s whole heart and you are crushing on another man and actually told him.
Do you realize how disrespectful and humiliating that is to your husband?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

What would you say if your husband said his job and work mates are more important to him than his relationship 

What would you say if your husband said he had feelings for someone at work 
Sometimes it is very important to put your self in the others shoes and try see how it feels ,


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Also you said your husband works overnights. I did it for 10 yrs and was chronicley tired. I just couldn't shake being tired no matter how much I slept and took long naps on my days off. Sounds like your crush has better boundaries than u do . Are really willing to blow up your marriage and your kids lives over a crush ?

It almost sounds like you have made up your mind to go on a lunch date with this man and cheat on your husband . 

Why don't you talk to your husband about things to spice up / improve your marriage before going down the cheaters road.

Once you do it , cheat , there is nò going back. Think long and hard on that before " Justifying " what you are contemplating 
Doing...


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

I have often said once the feelings are gone to another man it is over , what man wants to be with a woman that is in love with some other guy , 
It is like having sex with your husband and he was to say another woman's name ,


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Kay978 said:


> I absolutely love my job. I love my marriage sometimes but most times I feel like a house keeper, who works a full time job while my husband only sleeps, and works. There is no quality time. I have never cheated in my life and I don’t want to. And as much as I want to go out just one time I will never go with it.


What do you value most, your children and your family or the job. Your children would be devastated if you broke up their family. Everytime You fantasize about this guy think of your children. It's just not worth devastating their lives.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Kay978 said:


> I absolutely love my job. I love my marriage sometimes but most times I feel like a house keeper, who works a full time job while my husband only sleeps, and works. There is no quality time. I have never cheated in my life and I don’t want to. And as much as I want to go out just one time I will never go with it.


Is there anyway your husband can get a day time job? I had a family member who worked nights for 2 years. They were constantly tired and constantly ill. Some people's bodies just can't take working nights.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

frusdil said:


> Sorry but if it comes down to your marriage or your job, your marriage should be your first choice.


I'd say that's up to her. She can choose the marriage or the job.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

frenchpaddy said:


> if you have not talked about having feelings to your mc then your not open


If you are in MC and have not talked about this, you are just wasting your money


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

This opinion might be unpopular: I wonder if your husband is not very involved in the marriage and doesn't do much because he doesn't feel the connection through sex? 3 times/month is very little. Maybe he is grumpy/uninvolved because of that? It's a bit of a catch 22 situation...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Laurentium said:


> I'd say that's up to her. She can choose the marriage or the job.


Her children's wellbeing or her job as well. An affair or her children? Which decent mother would choose an affair?


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Sure, throw away your wedding vows and family and chase the fantasy…the grass is always greener…just ask anyone that’s done the same.

But when that green grass quickly turns to weeds…and it will…I hope your husband has moved on and won’t let you return.

Hate to be harsh, but you’re not a teenager. You’re a wife and mother and need to act like it. Realize what you’re doing before it’s too late.


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## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> This opinion might be unpopular: I wonder if your husband is not very involved in the marriage and doesn't do much because he doesn't feel the connection through sex? 3 times/month is very little. Maybe he is grumpy/uninvolved because of that? It's a bit of a catch 22 situation...


You definitely right that he wants more sex but between him working nights and sleeping all day and me working during the day and doing all the household chores and taking care of the kids and pets, there is hardly enough time for a lot sex. By the way working nights is his choice and does not want to give it up.


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## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Is there anyway your husband can get a day time job? I had a family member who worked nights for 2 years. They were constantly tired and constantly ill. Some people's bodies just can't take working nights.


Yes there is are lots of ways. It is one of the struggles we have. I have been fighting about the then he finally got a evening job but soon switched back to nights. He loves working nights.


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## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

Jimi007 said:


> Also you said your husband works overnights. I did it for 10 yrs and was chronicley tired. I just couldn't shake being tired no matter how much I slept and took long naps on my days off. Sounds like your crush has better boundaries than u do . Are really willing to blow up your marriage and your kids lives over a crush ?
> 
> It almost sounds like you have made up your mind to go on a lunch date with this man and cheat on your husband .
> 
> ...


Thank you. I appreciate the criticism weather positive or negative.

working night: it is he choice to work nights we have been fighting about this for years,This has not been good for our marriage. He loves it but takes him away from some of the responsibilities for the household and work and puts on me.

No I hav no made my mind to cheat. It is the reason I can here. This has helped out things in perspective.

Spicing things up: We have gone to 3 different marriage counselors. He always stops because he thing MC always side with the female. 2 of 3 MC were male


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## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

frenchpaddy said:


> What would you say if your husband said his job and work mates are more important to him than his relationship
> 
> What would you say if your husband said he had feelings for someone at work
> Sometimes it is very important to put your self in the others shoes and try see how it feels ,


 It’s funny you say that because me and him have been fighting over him working at night. This has been going for years and he has chosen his job, but that not why I don’t want to leave my job. I love my job. They is no other way to put it.


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## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

DudeInProgress said:


> Keep allowing yourself to flirt with temptation and you eventually will cross a line.
> 
> Your current dissatisfaction with your husband / marriage / homelife, combined with the excitement and emotional high of another man that you are attracted to is a very dangerous combination that can create emotional justification and rationalization to cross boundaries that can’t be uncrossed.
> If you allow yourself access and proximity to this kind of temptation, sooner or later you will likely give in to it. The only way to win is to deny the battle.
> ...


Thank you for your input. I heard everything you had to say.


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## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

Openminded said:


> Your first mistake was telling him. Don’t make a second one.


Thank you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You may need to have a real heart to heart and let him know just how deeply unhappy you are and that if things don't change you dont feel you can stay in the marriage.
Think if a few things that you feel must change in order for you to stay.
Maybe sit down and ask him to agree on who does what with the children and around the house. Put the list up on the fridge and don't do any of the jobs that he should be doing.
For example don't do any of the outside jobs. Leave mowing the lawn and snowploughing to him. That's the least he can do.

Also say that he has to committ to MC and try and have a regular date night.


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## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

frenchpaddy said:


> I will not talk about your crush as everyone has , so I will talk about what is important here
> 
> Your marriage
> 
> ...


Thank for look at the other side of this. I really appreciate your feedback.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

a heart-to-heart with hubby. Tell him what you told us.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Kay978 said:



I absolutely love my job. I love my marriage sometimes but most times I feel like a house keeper, who works a full time job while my husband only sleeps, and works. There is no quality time.

Click to expand...

*Your marriage sounds like hell. Actually, your HUSBAND sounds like hell.

You're working your ass off to the bone every single day while Mr. Wonderful lays on his dead ass when he's not working - and only bothers with you when he wants sex. I'm guessing Father of the Year does little to *NO* parenting on top of being such a sterling example of uselessness.

It's easy to see why you're doing what you're doing. 

Clean your own front porch and don't worry about the guy at work. He's just a symptom of your misery, not a cure.

Whether that porch cleaning involves crossing your fingers and taking yet another trip to some marriage counselor (we all see how well its worked for you in the past) or the recognition that you've outgrown this lump you married is yet to be seen.

*Don't give up your job.* Do NOT become financially dependent on this man.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

In Absentia said:


> _*This opinion might be unpopular: I wonder if your husband is not very involved in the marriage and doesn't do much because he doesn't feel the connection through sex? 3 times/month is very little. Maybe he is grumpy/uninvolved because of that? It's a bit of a catch 22 situation...*_



He's useless.

EVERYTHING falls on this woman's head while his useless ass sleeps. 

She shouldn't have to "lure" this self-entitled ass with more sex just so he'll be PRESENT and INVOLVED with his own damned family!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Kay978 said:


> I am have developed strong feelings for my co worker. Two months ago I decided to work at a sister hospital in an attempt to keep my distance and shake these feelings because I am married. I missed him a lot while I was gone and when I came back my feelings were even stronger.
> 
> The only reason I have not given up is because I don’t want to hurt him. I am not even too worried about the kids. I think they can handle it. It’s my husband, I am worried about.
> 
> Now back to my crush. How do I get over this. I am so afraid that I am going to cheat. I love the feeling I get when i see him. I so badly want to take the chance and go out to lunch with him, but I so afraid I will fall even more.


Your excuse for remaining in the marriage is that you don't want to hurt your husband. What do you think an affair will do to him? You don't think that will hurt? 

I understand that you have issues in your marriage but infidelity is not the answer. If you want to explore this new guy then separate or divorce first, but I guarantee it won't be the relationship you think it will. 

If you don't want to end your marriage, then you need to put an end to your budding affair. You either find a new job or you transfer again, and this time you don't go back. You think your marriage and husband are difficult now, wait until you add infidelity to the mix.

You say you won't give your job up for anything, including your marriage and family I guess, so stop complaining that he won't either. 

Don't be so confident that your children will be fine. What happens if they find out about their mom's affair? And they very well may. I can tell you from experience that it may change their relationship with you and they may end up hating you. Is that worth it? For a fantasyland guy you really do not know and a relationship that's almost guaranteed to crash and burn?


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## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

frenchpaddy said:


> What would you say if your husband said his job and work mates are more important to him than his relationship
> 
> What would you say if your husband said he had feelings for someone at work
> Sometimes it is very important to put your self in the others shoes and try see how it feels ,


My has husband has chosen his job over and over by refusing to leave the night shift which is not good for our family.

And yes my husband had not only had feelings for co worker before, he has cheated before. It is the reason I came to this forum. This post has been helpful to avoiding the the temptation.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> He's useless.
> 
> EVERYTHING falls on this woman's head while his useless ass sleeps.
> 
> She shouldn't have to "lure" this self-entitled ass with more sex just so he'll be PRESENT and INVOLVED with his own damned family!


Maybe he is behaving like that because he is not getting enough sex or he is not getting sex because he is an ass...


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Kay978 said:


> Thank you. I appreciate the criticism weather positive or negative.
> 
> working night: it is he choice to work nights we have been fighting about this for years,This has not been good for our marriage. He loves it but takes him away from some of the responsibilities for the household and work and puts on me.
> 
> ...


I would love to hear HIS side of this story.

Three times a month for sex, just because you feel your connection is only physical, and "long for an emotional and intellectual connection" as the key for him to be allowed to have sex with you, is selfish and damaging in my opinion. I would be angry and resentful of any partner who made conditions for our sexual relationship, and I wouldn't want to spend time with him or help him at all either. 

Sex isn't supposed to be a reward for him being your perfect husband, it's supposed to be part of marriage that is a GIFT to eachother, and keeps you both connected and in love because it feels good to touch and give eachother pleasure.

If you are so unfulfilled with your husband that you don't even want to have sex with him, why don't you just divorce him so you can both go find other people who you will feel more loving and giving towards, instead of being so unhappy with eachother that you are considering an affair...

And I am curious...what is your end-goal here? Really think about that -- what do you actually think would happen if you had an affair with this coworker, or any other guy? Do you believe that he would fall madly in love with you, and you guys would have the perfect relationship with a strong emotional and intellectual connection, and he would help out just how you want, and talk to you just how you want, and connect to you just how you want...?? 

If you aren't picturing a full relationship with him, how do you think a sexual affair would end...happily?? Or would you use eachother for sex until he decided he wanted to move on to someone better for him, who doesn't have a husband or kids?

I mean, what is it you WANT that you think having a secret sexual relationship with this work colleague is going to provide? Do you really believe that this guy is going to meet all your needs, and never hurt or disappoint you?


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Kay978 said:


> Thank you.


You said that the other man (“OM”) stated “He told me he was flattered and he thought I was very attractive and that if I wasn’t married he would date me in a heartbeat. He said he did not want to ruin my married. We ended the conversation with him telling me that he would be open having lunch but he also said he thought that was a dangerous idea.” In other words, the OM has confirmed to you that he is open to cheating with you. Now that you both know this, it may only be a matter of time.

BTW, some men prefer to date married women because this way their only competition is a husband that she currently is having issues with.

If you want to not cheat, tell your husband about the other man. Also, tell your husband that you both need to work on your relationship and put it as a priority. Him going off of night shift and you looking for another job would be good 1st steps.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Kay978 said:


> My has husband has chosen his job over and over by refusing to leave the night shift which is not good for our family.
> 
> And yes my husband had not only had feelings for co worker before It is the reason I came to this forum. This post has been helpful to avoiding the the temptation.


that is important information left out he has cheated before , then why try make a silk pounce, 

just do it right get divorce , you will find he will become a very sweet lover when he knows your going but don't fall for that crap


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Kay978 said:


> Thank for look at the other side of this. I really appreciate your feedback.


so what do you think about divorce , is it time to call it an end


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

We ended the conversation with him telling me that he would be open having lunch but he also said he thought that was a dangerous idea.” In other words, the OM has confirmed to you that he is open to cheating with you. Now that you both know this, it may only be a matter of time.


Exactly my point. I wasn't judging / criticizing you just stating the obvious...And now he has left the door open. Question is are you going to open it ?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Kay978 said:


> It’s funny you say that because me and him have been fighting over him working at night. This has been going for years and he has chosen his job, but that not why I don’t want to leave my job. I love my job. They is no other way to put it.


from the outside I can't see why you are staying , 
you can say all you want here as we don't know anyone ,
but you love your job and a co worker , 
he loves his job and a co worker , it might be why he likes to work at night to be with her , it might be why he needs a rest as he is doing 2 jobs 

you know no one here is going to tell you your right to cheat , and give you tips on how to do it and what lingerie to put on for the seduction , 
it is not what we do here , 

I would love to have your husband come on here and I and others would have a very different response for him and I can tell you it would not be nice , 
no one likes a man that cheats and then thinks he can live the life of a pig but what good would it do me to give hours agreeing with you that your husband is this that and the other if he is not here to read it and do something about it , 

we see to many women come here and say they are in a bad marriage but they stay and even some know the husband has a mistress and they still stay


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Kay978 said:


> Agreed. On one hand I wish I didn’t and on the other I am glad I did. He was happy and flattered to know. I was glad to get it off my chest.


How does the feelzies of getting this of your chest serve:
1) The work you don't want to quit
2) Any chance of fixing your marriage. ?

If you let your life be lead by these butterflies you are going to see your life destroyed by these butterflies.

Humans can control our emotions. You are feeding your emotions for this man and that IS a CHOICE. You are choosing to blow up your family and when it does, you will have no sympathy from me.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

You are in the midst of cheating as we speak. The moment you told this guy of your feelings, you gave yourself permission to begin cheating. 

Of all the people in this world one can lie to, lying to oneself is the most damaging.



Kay978 said:


> I absolutely love my job. I love my marriage sometimes but most times I feel like a house keeper, who works a full time job while my husband only sleeps, and works. There is no quality time. I have never cheated in my life and I don’t want to. And as much as I want to go out just one time I will never go with it.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I am not trying to troll you when I say this, but this quote reads like you have given yourself permission to also do what is not good for the family. It sounds like a justification. Someone has to be the adult in your marriage.



Kay978 said:


> My has husband has chosen his job over and over by refusing to leave the night shift which is not good for our family.
> 
> And yes my husband had not only had feelings for co worker before, he has cheated before. It is the reason I came to this forum. This post has been helpful to avoiding the the temptation.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Is the other man married, have kids?

Assume for discussion he's single and doesn't have kids. He will use you for sex and discard you soon after. He will blow up your marriage and your fantasy and walk away. But maybe that's what you want. You have three kids.....and very, very few (1% maybe) single guys want an instant family and all the work that comes with it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Your marriage sounds like hell. Actually, your HUSBAND sounds like hell.
> 
> You're working your ass off to the bone every single day while Mr. Wonderful lays on his dead ass when he's not working - and only bothers with you when he wants sex. I'm guessing Father of the Year does little to *NO* parenting on top of being such a sterling example of uselessness.
> 
> ...


The advise wasn't to give up work but to look for another or maybe get a transfer.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You don't cheat by practicing good self-talk including repeatedly reminding yourself that cheating is bad & will upend your whole life. You thank your lucky stars that this guy had enough integrity to decline your foolish advance. You limit all interactions with your crush. Never be alone with the person. Don't text outside of work hours & don't be "friends" on social media. Always have somebody else present when you do need to interact for work. Out of an abundance of caution go back to the sister hospital. Also get MC & work to fix what's wrong in your marriage. If you are happy with your husband you will think less about this other guy,


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Ya know the flip side is this , if your truly fed up with your husband, he won't stop working nites to heal the marriage, has already had an affair and hasn't dealt with the damage he caused , then yes divorce. Give him the 2×4 ultimatum. It's me or your job. Make a decision because I'm done. His2×4 response will tell volumes. Like I said earlier I worked nights for 10 yrs... I couldn't wait to get off of that shift. Does he still work with his AP ? If so I wouldn't blame you for looking elsewhere.... Send a firm message...It's us or the night shift..Period


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Kay978 said:


> I have never cheated in my life and I don’t want to.


When a person is in a situation in which they have a secret they are keeping from their spouse, and revealing that secret would be damaging, that is intentional deceit. The fact that the secret is that you have had a massive crush on a co-worker, think about the co-worker constantly, and told the co-worker you like him... you are in an emotional affair.

There is no doubt this is an EA already.



Kay978 said:


> And yes my husband had not only had feelings for co worker before, he has cheated before. It is the reason I came to this forum. This post has been helpful to avoiding the the temptation.


So you already have a very damaged relationship, perhaps this is some of the reason you allowed yourself to get into in an EA, but you are stooping to his level. You need to be better than that and take the high road in this situation. You don't want to be a cheater. Adding a relationship with a co-worker to the mix is like pouring gasoline on a fire.

When it comes down to it, you are not getting what you want out of your marriage, per your current feelings. This is either actually true or you are tweaking things in your mind due to the fog created by the emotions you have for the co-worker.

Are you in a superior position to the co-worker? You may have already created a potential HR situation at work.

You either need to be committed to your marriage or not. If you are not (doesn't seem like you are or want to be), then you need to end it.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Kay978 said:


> Now back to my crush. How do I get over this.


You realize that any man you are attracted to is always going to look better than your husband because THAT man doesn't have to go through the daily trials of married/family life with you. Of course he looks appealing. If you were married to him, you'd be crushing on someone else after a certain amount of time has passed.



> I am so afraid that I am going to cheat.


Then you are fit for marriage. 



> I love the feeling I get when i see him. I so badly want to take the chance and go out to lunch with him, but I so afraid I will fall even more. I am absolutely head over heals for this guy. Please help!!!


Going to have to be blunt here. Grow up. You're an adult married woman....act like one. If this is part of your character, and you think you'd like to do this, then maybe you should consider setting your husband free.

You are asking us to help you with your poor character and your heavy desire to cheat. I'm not sure what you are wanting us to tell you. Only thing is what I already said, grow up, slap yourself in the face and realize that there will be many men that you'll be attracted to and you will wonder about simply because they aren't your husband and they don't have to put up with you on a daily basis.

How about simply putting the high school girl silly crush out of your mind and focus on your family? Because the very fact you think you might like to cheat means you really aren't too concerned about your children's happy and familiar home life to risk it like this.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> You have 2 choices in my opinion. You won’t like either one.
> 
> 1. Divorce immediately, before things progress with Mr Right.


Please don't get her thinking that anyone other than her husband is "Mr. Right". He is only that to her because he is new.



> 2. Quit your job, confess unhappiness to your husband, and get into marriage counseling asap.


I'd say this, but I know this isn't going to happen.



> Any other option will lead to you giving in and becoming a cheater.


IMO, she's already one.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

There is a big difference between looking at somebody else & thinking "gee they are cute" or even having a fantasy about a coworker that you keep to yourself & never act on. Once you opened your mouth & told this co-worker that was a big line to cross. 

Be very careful here, OP. You are on a very slippery slope & falling fast. The next thing you know you will be at a work function where there is alcohol or out for after work drinks with the gang & you will be telling your poor husband, "it just happened" like you had no control over it.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Kay978 said:


> My has husband has chosen his job over and over by refusing to leave the night shift which is not good for our family.


So the problems in the marriage are all his fault?



> And yes my husband had not only had feelings for co worker before, he has cheated before. It is the reason I came to this forum. This post has been helpful to avoiding the the temptation.


_sigh_, this would have been good to know up front.

This marriage wasn't meant to be. Both of you are cheaters, whether either of you physically did the deed or not. Consider divorce.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Are you in contact with the OM outside of work ? Texts calls ect , ?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Kay978 said:


> My has husband has chosen his job over and over by refusing to leave the night shift which is not good for our family.
> 
> And yes my husband had not only had feelings for co worker before, he has cheated before. It is the reason I came to this forum. This post has been helpful to avoiding the the temptation.


Every one of your posts sounds like an excuse you are telling yourself to justify cheating on your husband. And you are already cheating, it just hasn't gone physical yet. The minute you acted on your feeling for the OM by telling him you started cheating on your husband. 

This is not complicated, but not really easy. The first step is decide if you want to stay in the marriage or not. If not, do the right thing and divorce before you move on to the next man. Be honorable. To me it sounds like that is probably your best option. If you have really tried as hard as you say to work on the marriage. If you want to save the marriage then you have to put it at the very top of your priority list. Everything else is second to it. If you don't quit your job then you at least need to get out of the same building as the OM. Go back to that sister hospital and never, ever have any contact with the OM again. 

It may be a good idea to tell your husband everything you've said here. He has been putting his job first and you are detaching from him and it won't be long before you are done, if you aren't already. Do you think you can ever truly love your husband again?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If you want a divorce on your marriage's own merits, get one. But this isn't going to be your permanent guy because he would be dating you knowing that you are a cheater while married, and so he will never ever trust you and it won't work. He's already made note of that. It will never leave his head. 

Your marriage sounds sucky to me, but I'm not the one living it. If you're sick of it, file for divorce. Cheating isn't the answer and neither is leap-frogging to a next relationship because it will always be tainted with distrust. Take your kids' needs into consideration first, whatever you do. Are they getting good role modeling as the relationship exists now? Would you want your son to follow in your husband's footsteps? Would you want your daughter to put up with the things you feel are off kilter in the relationship? 

If you leave because of someone else, they will know that eventually. Do things in the right order to leave a principled structure in place for the kids to pattern off of, whatever you decide.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Kay978 said:


> And yes my husband had not only had feelings for co worker before, he has cheated before.


If he cheated, divorce him. Don't stoop to his level.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Kay978 said:


> I am have developed strong feelings for my co worker. He is very kind, thoughtful, and attractive. We work well as a team at work. I admire him as a person. The last 4 months I have developed strong feelings for him. Two months ago I decided to work at a sister hospital in an attempt to keep my distance and shake these feelings because I am married. I missed him a lot while I was gone and when I came back my feelings were even stronger. So strong that I had to tell him. When when I told him he was surprised that I would be even interested in him. He told me he was flattered and he thought I was very attractive and that if I wasn’t married he would date me in a heartbeat. He said he did not want to ruin my married. We ended the conversation with him telling me that he would be open having lunch but he also said he thought that was a dangerous idea. I am confused what to do.
> 
> Background about my marriage. I have been married for 10 years. Have 3 kids. Our marriage has had ups and downs with multiple sessions of counseling. Our issues have involved sex, connection, finances and chores. Sex: he wants more of it (we average about 3 times a month). It’s not that I don’t want more but I just feel our connection is only physical. I long for an emotional and intellectual connection. He not one for conversations or hanging out. I invite to exercise with me, or go for a walk or a hike and the answer is always no. He works night shift and sleeps all day long. Even when on his days off, he sleep at night and takes long naps during the day (4 to 6 hour naps). He is okay as much time together as long as we are having sex. Chores: even though we both work full time I do 70-80% of in-house chores and I do 100% of the yard work which includes mowing the lawn, gardening and snow ploughing. It’s a bit annoying to see all the husbands in the neighborhood mowing the lawn 100% of the time I am the only wife mowing the lawn. When I ask him to mow next time. He excuse is it’s too hot, I will do it late and it NEVER happens so I end just doing it. Finances: he is very uninvolved. I managed every. All he does set up direct deposit for his paycheck and swipe. He is the only person I know who swipes their card multiple times a day, mostly on soda and snacks. The last 2 years I have been dreaming of getting a divorce because I feel like I am just a live in booty call and maid. The only reason I have not given up is because I don’t want to hurt him. I am not even too worried about the kids. I think they can handle it. It’s my husband, I am worried about.
> 
> Now back to my crush. How do I get over this. I am so afraid that I am going to cheat. I love the feeling I get when i see him. I so badly want to take the chance and go out to lunch with him, but I so afraid I will fall even more. I am absolutely head over heals for this guy. Please help!!!


LOL....three times a month and you think your connection is only physical and you're a live in booty call? are you serious?


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Kay978 said:


> You are right I have no business dating as I am married, however asking me to quit my job is a bit much. I absolutely love my job. I have great team. I have gone through a lot in the last few few years and doing what I do makes me so happy. I would not give that up for anything. I just have to get over these feelings I have but on the other hand I love feeling them so it’s hard.


No, asking you to quit your job is NOT asking too much. If it were me and I was crushin on my coworker, I would talk to my wife about it (NOT the coworker) and come to a plan so our marriage stays intact.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Kay978 said:


> And yes my husband had not only had feelings for co worker before, he has cheated before.


You waited until the 35th post in this thread to mention that? Makes that allegation seem less credible to me.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

SCDad01 said:


> You waited until the 35th post in this thread to mention that? Makes that allegation seem less credible to me.


So if she doesn’t try to duck responsibility by mentioning her husband’s affair then it didn’t happen?

She brought it up because someone asked how she would feel if her husband did what she’s doing. Well she knows because he has and worse.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Just because your husband has cheated and you stayed don’t think that he will do the same if you cheat. Now if you’re looking for an exit affair to get out of your marriage this guy might be your ticket. The better way, of course, is to just end your marriage if it’s unbearable.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

you're not cheating on your husband?

You confessed your feelings to the man, not sleeping because the man feels responsibility, you have already cheated!

Tell your husband about your situation and tell him that you have an emotional connection with the man at work and that he is interested in you.

soon you will advance the relationship

Your husband can choose to have a lawyer, and you can live your life however you want.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> So if she doesn’t try to duck responsibility by mentioning her husband’s affair then it didn’t happen?
> 
> She brought it up because someone asked how she would feel if her husband did what she’s doing. Well she knows because he has and worse.


She’s thinking about cheating. Seems only natural she would have mentioned her husband’s past infidelity in the original post since it’s important to the discussion. I don’t think the thread went the way she thought it would (notice emoji in title) so she’s trying to make herself look better. Just my 2 cents.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> So if she doesn’t try to duck responsibility by mentioning her husband’s affair then it didn’t happen?
> 
> She brought it up because someone asked how she would feel if her husband did what she’s doing. Well she knows because he has and worse.


It would have been pertinent to some of us at least understanding at even the smallest level.

I've seen a couple people do this. Almost as if they fish for negative comments, then BAM, they throw it out there....almost as if they are trying to make fools of anyone who does not condone cheating wanting to see their responses first.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

@OP: You stated that “And yes my husband had not only had feelings for co worker before, he has cheated before.” When you link your husband’s past cheating to how you do all the work around the house and yard, it appears that when you husband cheated, you did the pick me dance and “won”. Now that you have won, your husband has locked down the unfair pick me dance rules as the new normal.

Tell him that you are done with current way that he treats you. That you both need to make new rules.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

drencrom said:


> It would have been pertinent to some of us at least understanding at even the smallest level.
> 
> I've seen a couple people do this. Almost as if they fish for negative comments, then BAM, they throw it out there....almost as if they are trying to make fools of anyone who does not condone cheating wanting to see their responses first.


Well and I don't think her husband cheating should effect her decision to cheat. You either have character or you don't.

She should probably divorce him and she should stop the emotional affair until a divorce is under way.


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## Kay978 (Jan 4, 2019)

For those who have have given there constructive feedback. Thank you. Looking back I see that it was a mistake telling this guy how I felt, but we have worked together 2 days now since I told him and our work have gone on without a hinge. We are professionals. I have listen to what most people have said I said I an will stay away from this guy. And by staying away I mean I will not go to lunch, but I am not quitting my job (I don’t have any other interaction with him outside of work). There is that saying “if you do a job you like you will never work a day in you life” I have one of those jobs and I will not quit the job because of a crush. I absolutely love my job and I would enjoy it whether this guy is there or not.

As far as my marriage, I don’t think it’s irretrievable broken. There is still love there that can be worked through. If I have learned anything from this it’s that if after we do counseling and don’t to a good place then going out separate way is an option. There last several times we just came to a stand still and stopped going.

Some people have called me a liar (which really felt like borderline bullying) because I didn’t disclose my husband’s cheating in the original post. It’s because I have moved past it and brought it up only because made a comment. I only listed the things that are bothering currently like the sleeping all the time and fact that I do about 70%of the household chore and on top of that I do 100% of the lawn and snow duties. What really eats me up is seeing all the husbands in the neighborhood doing these tasks all the time and I would be happy with just 50%.

lastly I will not respond to every post here because it’s a lot. Again thank you for those how have given constructive feedback. It has allowed me to look at myself from a different point.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Ok your husband cheated. He's a coward and a loser.

If you follow through with your coworker and cheat that will make you a coward and a loser as well.

Two choices. 

Try to work on your marriage (counseling) or get a divorce and move on. 

It's that simple.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Your husband longs to live in another world. Night shift on its own is already another world. 

His world also does not have lawns to cut, or wives to talk to. He has willfully chosen night shift to live in that world of his making. He goes back to his place to sleep eat and have sex on the odd occasion with the woman who looks after his house, and that's about it. He would, naturally, rather have more sex though. He is willing to find the energy to cheat if he can get more sex.

You on the other hand are looking for a marriage. The two worlds are not compatible; I think you need to see the situation through his eyes. He's simply not cut out to be a husband, and has no interest in changing his world to accommodate the drudgery of it, from his point of view.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Kay978 said:


> I absolutely love my job. I love my marriage sometimes but most times I feel like a house keeper, who works a full time job while my husband only sleeps, and works. There is no quality time. I have never cheated in my life and I don’t want to. And as much as I want to go out just one time I will never go with it.


You don’t get it. You’ve already cheated and at this point, all the love in your tank for your husband is long since dried up as a result.

“I am head over heels for this guy”….
Your love for yourself husband is GONE.
makes no difference if you’re with the guy you’re head over heels for, or another. Your romantic feelings for your husband are gone.

Realize this new guy—— it’s possible, but highly unlikely he is going to be a long term partner for you. I suggest you divorce.
Then, and only then, should you consider any “crushing”.

The best husbands on the planet in human history all looked like a clown to their wives when they were “head over heels” for another man.

I agree that a forever night shifter with a day shifter for a wife—— no way that will work to satisfaction of either.
But your negative thoughts are greatly amplified by positive thoughts if this affair partner (that’s what he is). I advise divorce. Your feelings are ruined. And that’s not all on your husband.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

There are many problems in your marriage and you have many negative thoughts towards your husband.

You say you don't want to cheat, but you act like it's your husband's fault that you develop feelings for others. You think you have the right.

Your husband cheated and you can cheat too.

if the man you work for tries to seize the opportunity!

You cannot control your emotions.

notify your husband of the situation,


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well and I don't think her husband cheating should effect her decision to cheat. You either have character or you don't.
> 
> She should probably divorce him and she should stop the emotional affair until a divorce is under way.


I completely agree.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

And your husband has no idea of this crush...Now that you have told him that you are smitten , If he pushes just a little bit you will fold , panties down...You can't trust yourself. If he would have said yes let's go ? Be honest with yourself


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Kay978 said:


> As far as my marriage, I don’t think it’s irretrievable broken. There is still love there that can be worked through. If I have learned anything from this it’s that if after we do counseling and don’t to a good place then going out separate way is an option. There last several times we just came to a stand still and stopped going.


Do you think fixing your marriage involves keeping secrets from your husband? Do you plan to tell him about this situation and what you told the co-worker?


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Let’s say you do give into temptation and cheat on your husband with your coworker, will it be worth it? Your coworker may want yo date you, he probably wants to have sex with you, but do you think he wants to be your new husband and stepfather/provider for your 3 children? Survey says No.


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## hub49 (7 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> I would love to hear HIS side of this story.
> 
> Three times a month for sex, just because you feel your connection is only physical, and "long for an emotional and intellectual connection" as the key for him to be allowed to have sex with you, is selfish and damaging in my opinion. I would be angry and resentful of any partner who made conditions for our sexual relationship, and I wouldn't want to spend time with him or help him at all either.
> 
> ...


This was extremely well-said. Sexuality should be a gift, not something you use to beat the partner over the head with because he/she isn't perfect.


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## Husband2016 (May 27, 2018)

oof. Lots to unpack here. @farsidejunky said it. You’re already in the throws of an emotional cheating relationship. You didn’t just think about it but made overt actions to make it known you had feelings - romantic feelings - for another. That’s not a simple crush like a celebrity crush that’s attractive. Then posting 35 posts in a “he’s done this too!” Thing seems like you’re wanting justification for how you’re acting/feeling coupled with the laundry list of complaints of your husband. I’m sure he has his laundry list about you too. 

You state you want to get over your crush but not hurt your husband. Look, we all get smitten with people, but even those people we get smitten by through the passage of time end up with a laundry list just has you have here with your husband. 

You’ve received a good bit of advice here. But it really comes down to what you REALLY want. The smitten co-worker that really doesn’t know your quirks and defects (we all have them, it is not a knock on you) that will likely develop his own laundry list of complaints. Or the husband that knows those quirks that is half performing to satisfying your needs? 
Will going to with your new beau complete and satisfy all those boxes starting that lengthy process of knowing your inner workings? Or is it worth going to counseling to see if you can salvage someone that knows your inner workings to check your boxes? 

All the advice in the world won’t tell you that. That’s something you’ll have to figure out what you want.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Sort out your marriage first.
Do NOT see him at all until your divorce is final.
Proper order is key.
You are putting the cart before that horse.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I think the OP is out of the room...


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

*Easy way out*: divorce your husband and try to establish a relationship with the knight in shiny armor. Just know this, if you go this route, you will be effectively destroying a family in the process and, from here on in, you will most likely fail at any other romantic relationships you may engage in in the future. Acting on crushes is devastating. 

*Difficult way out*: Seek professional help to get out of The Fog. Once you're semi-there, ask your husband to attend marriage counseling. As with life itself, getting out of a difficult spot is WAY more personally rewarding than succumbing to animalistic nonsense. 

Wish you the best.


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

Kay978 said:


> I am have developed strong feelings for my co worker. He is very kind, thoughtful, and attractive. We work well as a team at work. I admire him as a person. The last 4 months I have developed strong feelings for him. Two months ago I decided to work at a sister hospital in an attempt to keep my distance and shake these feelings because I am married. I missed him a lot while I was gone and when I came back my feelings were even stronger. So strong that I had to tell him. When when I told him he was surprised that I would be even interested in him. He told me he was flattered and he thought I was very attractive and that if I wasn’t married he would date me in a heartbeat. He said he did not want to ruin my married. We ended the conversation with him telling me that he would be open having lunch but he also said he thought that was a dangerous idea. I am confused what to do.
> 
> Background about my marriage. I have been married for 10 years. Have 3 kids. Our marriage has had ups and downs with multiple sessions of counseling. Our issues have involved sex, connection, finances and chores. Sex: he wants more of it (we average about 3 times a month). It’s not that I don’t want more but I just feel our connection is only physical. I long for an emotional and intellectual connection. He not one for conversations or hanging out. I invite to exercise with me, or go for a walk or a hike and the answer is always no. He works night shift and sleeps all day long. Even when on his days off, he sleep at night and takes long naps during the day (4 to 6 hour naps). He is okay as much time together as long as we are having sex. Chores: even though we both work full time I do 70-80% of in-house chores and I do 100% of the yard work which includes mowing the lawn, gardening and snow ploughing. It’s a bit annoying to see all the husbands in the neighborhood mowing the lawn 100% of the time I am the only wife mowing the lawn. When I ask him to mow next time. He excuse is it’s too hot, I will do it late and it NEVER happens so I end just doing it. Finances: he is very uninvolved. I managed every. All he does set up direct deposit for his paycheck and swipe. He is the only person I know who swipes their card multiple times a day, mostly on soda and snacks. The last 2 years I have been dreaming of getting a divorce because I feel like I am just a live in booty call and maid. The only reason I have not given up is because I don’t want to hurt him. I am not even too worried about the kids. I think they can handle it. It’s my husband, I am worried about.
> 
> Now back to my crush. How do I get over this. I am so afraid that I am going to cheat. I love the feeling I get when i see him. I so badly want to take the chance and go out to lunch with him, but I so afraid I will fall even more. I am absolutely head over heals for this guy. Please help!!!


Don't go there, tell your husband, fix and romance your marriage. In the end he will sex you and leave you getting a divorce.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Hey beyond repair is on the mark. Either accept your marriage is done and divorce, or quit and find another job. You are going to cheat otherwise and become another statistic. At my job I can if I want work straight nights. Don't want to, not a normal part of life. I'll gamble here and guess he has chosen nights for a couple reasons. The big one is escape. He has no idea what he wants between you and chooses to minimize contact. Has no vested interest in being a house husband/ father. In other words, doesn't mind bringing home the bacon but didn't want to deal with the rest. Likes booty call though, but don't wanna do the rest. You are frustrated for sure. He dodges you're feelings and concerns. Has he been aloof for most of the relationship? What baggage did he have coming in the door? Prior family history? Do you even know?
Don't mean to throw gas on embers, but could he be working nights a bigger reason, like someone else? Many things appear amiss in the relationship. Think, explore and insist on time together. Real time, not just answer a few questions and click ..outa here.


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