# Beating back the inner douche..



## Plastanian (Aug 30, 2016)

25 years of ups and downs but this year has been really tough for her/our family..and instead of drawing us closer, I feel like I'm pulling away.

I'm basically flat lined in the arousal area. Almost overnight I went from several erections a day to basically nothing unless prompted.
This has never happened before. We are a HD couple, always have been.. But right now I just don't want it. I don't even want to do it for her. I just look in mirror or at her and see two wore down people and it'a a major turn off.

Just wondering what you guys do when it is all on top of you and there doesn't seem to be any relief in sight..Obviously a vacation would be great. Our lives just aren't set up for it.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Plastanian said:


> 25 years of ups and downs but this year has been really tough for her/our family..and instead of drawing us closer, I feel like I'm pulling away.
> 
> I'm basically flat lined in the arousal area. Almost overnight I went from several erections a day to basically nothing unless prompted.
> This has never happened before. We are a HD couple, always have been.. But right now I just don't want it. I don't even want to do it for her. I just look in mirror or at her and see two wore down people and it'a a major turn off.
> ...




others are probably going to ask you your age, weight, T levels, what kind of stress, et.

but the bolded caught my eye. your lives aren't 'set up for it'?

what is life about if not enjoying it? i realize family and money obligations sometimes have to take a precedence over experiencing life in the short term, but more often than not, we get so caught up in the rat race, that life passes us by and marriage can become a casualty.

kids need this, kids need that. got to save enough for that down payment. got to work enough hours to reach that retirement goal (which may not ever come?). got to, got to, got to.

you know what? often we really don't 'got to', we just tell ourselves we do. and everybody else does it.

this is just food for thought. because i don't really know your situation; might be a lot more complicated than most people, and i might be way off.

so tell us more about your problems.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

oh yeah, and what is meant by 'beating back the inner douche'?


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## Plastanian (Aug 30, 2016)

I wish I could give more details. I don't want to give up my identity and it would be difficult to write much without my wife knowing who it is. 

Anyway, the more I read on relationships I would not be considered husband material by many standards. 
I guess the consensus would be that we are not that compatible outside of the bedroom. 

I need to stop reading this **** because I feel like I would be doing her a favor by divorcing her. She tells how great of a husband and father I am all the time. But I know I'm not what she needs..I'm just not and I don't think I can ever be.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Go on a vacation alone.

We have friends elsewhere and pretty much have a standing invitation. We can crash at their place, they can crash at ours, with some advance notice. We'll use their spare bedroom as a home base for going and checking out local hiking and cycling trails, etc.

Vacations can be almost free. If you don't have friends, camp. Food? Do what you do at home- get supplies from a grocery store and eat as if at home.

Getting away from the home, all the maintenance and projects, can really help you clear your head.

I do a couple of solo events every year, related to distance cycling or music, she does solo events, usually related to some sort of alt-medicine retreat, and we do a couple together.

If we're both gone from the house, our total expenses are less than when we're at home, since we shut off the utilities to the house, saving us enough for gas.

Also- does your wife read TAM?


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Have the thread moved to the private forum and she can't see it unless she makes 30 posts.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

If it has been a rough year for her & you do you think it's all the emotional turmoil that has zapped your drive. 
So you could be emotionally compatible anymore, but it could be due to stress or depression over things. 

How would you not be considered husband material? 
You sound like a good man who is doing his best. 


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

oops


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Plastanian said:


> Anyway, the more I read on relationships I would not be considered husband material by many standards.
> I guess the consensus would be that we are not that compatible outside of the bedroom.
> 
> I need to stop reading this **** because I feel like I would be doing her a favor by divorcing her. She tells how great of a husband and father I am all the time. But I know I'm not what she needs..I'm just not and I don't think I can ever be.


You sound pretty down on yourself. You won't be happy in your relationship until you are happy with yourself. 

It's cliche, but life is about the journey. You need to enjoy each day. So, what things are going on that are obstacles to your joy?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Plastanian said:


> I wish I could give more details. I don't want to give up my identity and it would be difficult to write much without my wife knowing who it is.
> 
> Anyway, the more I read on relationships I would not be considered husband material by many standards.
> I guess the consensus would be that we are not that compatible outside of the bedroom.
> ...


First of all, none of us are born "husband material."

I'm as big a douche as you are and have been married for 25 years.
I've got plenty of trouble, just as much as the next guy.
I am happy. If I am happy, you can be too.

As I once told a young man going in for an job interview, "remember, the guy sitting across from you is just as stupid as you are."


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

A few quick thoughts.

Get yourself in for a complete medical physical. ED is often a sign of all kinds of things from Diabetes, low T, heart disease, etc. All of them can be dealt with, if found out soon enough. Also get more sleep and cut back on alcohol as the number of sleep derived adults in incredible and alcohol related problems is also epidemic.

Focus on making yourself happy for a while. That will give you pride and confidence when it comes to your relationship with your wife. If you have a low opinion of yourself (douche......not husband material) she will pick up on it.

Forgive her and forgive yourself of any past sins, or things that produce anger or guilt.

Make sex with your wife play-time. Sex should be playful and involve laughing and giggling. It should not be a stressful event where everything must work exactly correct or it was a failure.

Schedule times for when you both will be rested and when your natural (morning wood) hormone levels are the highest.

Get some professional help. A marriage counselor or sex therapist. 

Good luck.


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