# 10- yrs married-abortion-then rape



## turtle10 (Dec 2, 2010)

i am so livid i just need some help or clarity.
3 years ago "happily" married (in the fog and in denial) for 7 years....got pregnant...i wanted tokeep it, recall taking vitamins, reading books etc.....he didnt (always been controlling and i allowed that) so i thought i could just forget it somehow and go thru with abortion. he never once said anything to me about it...how do i feel etc. sex slowly started declining at that point....i actually didnt realize that at the time, until its now 3 years later and the TAM boards got me really digging fror what has gone so wrong.
okay so 9 months after abortion (odd coincidence? of timing) i cant stand him and we split for 6 months. he swears he will change and be a better man and how he read a book and life will b great. i buy it.
sex is virtually nil. when it does happen i have not one ounce of feeling. it lasts 15 seconds anyways and he is clueless as to how to please anyone but himself.
in last few days i realize the abortion sent me into a tail spin depression, i see how i have been the main cause of lack of sex and decide to share with him (last night) that I feel really damaged and broken mentally and thats why our sex is nearly void. 3 hours later i am sleeping, he tried to force himself on me, physically retraining me, i am abl to get away and go sleep on the couch. 5 minutes later, he comes out there forces himself on me again, i tell him no a million times, trying to get away he dragged me to the ground and i start pleading with him, and punching and pinching to get away. all i can think is i need to get to phone to call police, there was a moment where i thought i lost...soooo this has done it for me. if i was unsure about leaving him (was i making right choice? could i 'come around? married 11 years, am i throwing it all away?) i feel 10000000% sure today. filled out papers. demanded he move out...oh yeah, he also doesnt work, i have supported us for our entire relationship. what a loser i am. i just want to get it over with asap. i feel nauseas. and i am pissed off.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I am so sorry. 

Him forcing himself on you is NEVER ok; husband or not. I do worry about your safety with him still there. Is there someone you can stay with? Can you have him legally removed from your residence?

Forcing abortion on someone is wrong. (I won't get into my whole opinion on it being wrong period!) I am sorry this happened. I hope that your heart will recover from this but I pray you are granted wisdom to understand fully what was forced on you.

Please try and get away from him. I worry for your safety.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

turtle10 said:


> i am so livid i just need some help or clarity.
> 3 years ago "happily" married (in the fog and in denial) for 7 years....got pregnant...i wanted tokeep it, recall taking vitamins, reading books etc.....he didnt (always been controlling and i allowed that) so i thought i could just forget it somehow and go thru with abortion. he never once said anything to me about it...how do i feel etc. sex slowly started declining at that point....i actually didnt realize that at the time, until its now 3 years later and the TAM boards got me really digging fror what has gone so wrong.
> okay so 9 months after abortion (odd coincidence? of timing) i cant stand him and we split for 6 months. he swears he will change and be a better man and how he read a book and life will b great. i buy it.
> sex is virtually nil. when it does happen i have not one ounce of feeling. it lasts 15 seconds anyways and he is clueless as to how to please anyone but himself.
> in last few days i realize the abortion sent me into a tail spin depression, i see how i have been the main cause of lack of sex and decide to share with him (last night) that I feel really damaged and broken mentally and thats why our sex is nearly void. 3 hours later i am sleeping, he tried to force himself on me, physically retraining me, i am abl to get away and go sleep on the couch. 5 minutes later, he comes out there forces himself on me again, i tell him no a million times, trying to get away he dragged me to the ground and i start pleading with him, and punching and pinching to get away. all i can think is i need to get to phone to call police, there was a moment where i thought i lost...soooo this has done it for me. if i was unsure about leaving him (was i making right choice? could i 'come around? married 11 years, am i throwing it all away?) i feel 10000000% sure today. filled out papers. demanded he move out...oh yeah, he also doesnt work, i have supported us for our entire relationship. what a loser i am. i just want to get it over with asap. i feel nauseas. and i am pissed off.


You are not a loser, he is. You shared with this man that you felt broken mentally and his response is to rape you?!! He is a controlling, aggressive b*st*rd. Go to the police and file charges. Get a restraining order. Do not let him in the house. Put his things out on the lawn and have someone in the house with you when he comes to pick them up. 

Contact a local support group for survivors of rape or for abused women. You will need support to deal with the damage he has caused to you.

Stay strong. Get this man out of your life.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You got an insight into who he really is. He saw your pain and decided that it made you weak enough that it was a window to rape you.

It is time for you to divorce him. Do you have scartches, bruses, etc? If you do call the police and get him out of your house. You are not safe with him around you.

What has he said since then about what he did?


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## turtle10 (Dec 2, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> You got an insight into who he really is. He saw your pain and decided that it made you weak enough that it was a window to rape you.
> 
> It is time for you to divorce him. Do you have scartches, bruses, etc? If you do call the police and get him out of your house. You are not safe with him around you.
> 
> What has he said since then about what he did?


Thank u so much for the support. Hearing ur advise makes me see I have acted like a doormat......as far as what he has about what he did....he said I caused it dressing all sexy!!!! Ok ladies I was wearing shorts and a tank. And not lingerie type. I could almost forgive the first attempt ...in bed maybe he was sleepy and not in right mind but I got angry and squeezed away and yelled at him and went on couch.....but for him to come out to couch and continue was crazy.......he has tipped and I know I just need to get away from him


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

turtle10 said:


> Thank u so much for the support. Hearing ur advise makes me see I have acted like a doormat......as far as what he has about what he did....he said I caused it dressing all sexy!!!! Ok ladies I was wearing shorts and a tank. And not lingerie type. I could almost forgive the first attempt ...in bed maybe he was sleepy and not in right mind but I got angry and squeezed away and yelled at him and went on couch.....but for him to come out to couch and continue was crazy.......he has tipped and I know I just need to get away from him


Rape is not about sex. It's about power and aggression. You could have been wearing Victoria's Secret's best, it wouldn't have changed that. No way was this your fault.

What a jerk!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

turtle10 said:


> Thank u so much for the support. Hearing ur advise makes me see I have acted like a doormat......as far as what he has about what he did....he said I caused it dressing all sexy!!!! Ok ladies I was wearing shorts and a tank. And not lingerie type. I could almost forgive the first attempt ...in bed maybe he was sleepy and not in right mind but I got angry and squeezed away and yelled at him and went on couch.....but for him to come out to couch and continue was crazy.......he has tipped and I know I just need to get away from him


"he was tipped" ... do you mean he was drunk?

What you were wearing has nothing to do with him trying to over power you. Rape is about power and controlling someone... it's not about sex or how sexy they are dressed.

Most rape victims are women dressed in every-day clothing. A lot are older women because they are viewed as weaker and thus easier to over power.


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## turtle10 (Dec 2, 2010)

I feel nauseas. Guess its the first time I am feeling anything in 3 years...I feel so sad and ashamed I can't tell anyone but u all here. I filled out divorce papers and opened new account.....but I am dreading all the questions from the family....them asking why....and I can't tell them. And they will judge me and make it harder becuase I am not giving them a big enough reason to end my marriage. 
Feels like every single commercial or fb post is of babies. I am sick.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

turtle10 said:


> I feel nauseas. Guess its the first time I am feeling anything in 3 years...I feel so sad and ashamed I can't tell anyone but u all here. I filled out divorce papers and opened new account.....but I am dreading all the questions from the family....them asking why....and I can't tell them. And they will judge me and make it harder becuase I am not giving them a big enough reason to end my marriage.
> Feels like every single commercial or fb post is of babies. I am sick.


Have you read "Awareness" by Anthony DeMello?


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Have you read "Awareness" by Anthony DeMello?


I recommend it. Thanks again for the link, Conrad. Maybe you could repost it here for her. I'm not sure how to do it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Frostflower said:


> I recommend it. Thanks again for the link, Conrad. Maybe you could repost it here for her. I'm not sure how to do it.


http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/tonyawareness.pdf


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

now you don't have to ever look back and wonder if you made the right choice. After this incident, at least you will have peace of mind knowing you have made the right decision. :smthumbup: He sounds like a real loser..


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

turtle10 said:


> I feel nauseas. Guess its the first time I am feeling anything in 3 years...I feel so sad and ashamed I can't tell anyone but u all here. I filled out divorce papers and opened new account.....but I am dreading all the questions from the family....them asking why....and I can't tell them. And they will judge me and make it harder becuase I am not giving them a big enough reason to end my marriage.
> Feels like every single commercial or fb post is of babies. I am sick.


Just tell them that he beat you up. You don't have to mention rape if you don't want to. If they don't get that after the violence there is no way for you to go back they have a problem not you.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

What EleGirl said is true, Turtle. No woman should have to live with a violent man, and if you tell your family that he beat you and they still give you a hard time, shame on them.


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## turtle10 (Dec 2, 2010)

Thank u so much. Ur words r really the bright light for me....Conrad thank u so much am reading the awareness PDF...right up my alley in terms of how I typically live life. Thanks so much. 
Ps last nite he cane home at 4am. Was drunk cursed at me called ne a *****. He is definetly making it easy to hate him and not look back.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

turtle10 said:


> Thank u so much. Ur words r really the bright light for me....Conrad thank u so much am reading the awareness PDF...right up my alley in terms of how I typically live life. Thanks so much.
> Ps last nite he cane home at 4am. Was drunk cursed at me called ne a *****. He is definetly making it easy to hate him and not look back.


Just remember, your hate won't affect him, but it can eat away at you and turn you bitter. I am so trying to avoid that. Feel anger, it's justified. But don't let it consume you.


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