# My heart is dead.....Pls help me pump it alive again



## Clumsy (Aug 23, 2011)

The start of our marriage had not been smooth. I was truly I'll on my wedding day and had to undergo an operation a nth after our wedding. Honeymoon was just like any other holidays that we've been before. First week of staying together as a married couple, I cried myself to sleep for a few nites as he don't bother to go to bed together. He only tried after realizing that I've been crying and left the room in the middle of the night to sleep in another room. Hence, maybe from the start it's all wrong.

I've been with my hubs for 4 hrs before he proposed. We now have a 4 year old little princess that I can't live without. She means the whole world to me now. I actually possibly could have a little sibling for her but I let it go coz I knew my hubs did not want him/her. I wanted to make our relationship work and sacrifice to prioritize his needs....as always.

I can't anymore. Why? I resent being with him. He will never lift a finger to help unless asked. I took care of my girl in every way whereas he helps me by accompanying her during her nap so I could take a breather. He always said I could do anything I want by just asking him and he will step in to help. My question then is, why do I need to ask? Why can't he for once volunteer and be a good father and husband?*

I almost earn as much as him and hence this makes me feel angrier coz I believe i contribute as much as him and maybe more. He always have the money to spend on luxury car and watches whereas I don't coz most of my earnings are spend making ppl around me happy. I give my mum allowance for taking care my daughter. I share the cost of our maid although he pays a little bit more. I put savings into our joint account every month as he said that wAy i will be able to save. And he complains that I am getting calculative in forking out money for our meals and don't splurge on him anymore. Worse he never ever dishes out any compliment or gratitude but is always condemning my actions. Sigh....

His contribution as a father? Negligible. He didn't expect the pregnancy at first either. I see my gf's spouses beaming with joy when my gf found out she is pregnant and he even bought her a little gift of thanks for bearing him a child. Mine? Didn't see a glimpse of sincere joy.

Last weekend I initiated to bring my girl to the aquarium exhibition coz it's really so boring to always go to the mall during weekend just to ride on a silly elephant ride. He went, I paid and when I asked to take family photograph he whine. Look at then picture, I could probably put someone else between us and him.*

I've confronted him in my 4 years being married to him. I have to,d him how I felt. How I needed intimacy now and then without me having to dress sexily so that only then he can get turned on. I told him how I needed his support in caring for our daughter. I told him I need excitement in life. He will say okay all the time and the ball will fall into my court to make it work. I propose to do stuff and he rejects, giving all sorts of 'rational' excuses. He never ever feel that it would be nice to introduce me to his colleagues although I've asked. He will always say 'others aren't bringing their significant other so he think it's not good to bring me'. I feel that I ain't good enough for him to be shown to his colleagues.

*I've been frank and I've also threatened to leave and he will always make me feel guilty and ask me to stay.*I can't do it so often anymore. I have grown whereas I think he is still a child. I want to be happy and to provide a happy mummy to my girl. I don't want to continue to be resentful to my hubs. I still care for him but I don't seem to have anymore spark for this relationship anymore.

Teach me how to leave please or how to love again.
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