# rights to privacy?



## Gigi- skitter (Mar 26, 2015)

I am writing on this forum as I had a bout of depression 2 years ago. I have had a lot of trauma and moves and found out about a life limiting disease, amongst many other things. so I am just pointing that out. Now, nothing has been as severe as that time but I have lows and fears and took anti-depressants to help. One thing that brought me out was that I created my own online business. I was (am) very pleased with it and it does well, not millionaire well but well enough. 

My question is about my husband, who is often not so caring and will vacillate on it and potentially due to isolation after several moves and a bad marriage on top, you might see that I became depressed or if you want to see it from my husband's perspective, my depression was too much for him. Only trying to give the two sides.

We recently split up and this happens sometimes with us, we split, maybe get back together - all the ups and downs of a very dysfunctional marriage. My issue is that he shares too much when we 'split' He told a lot of people about us splitting, about issues with me and in fact told people about my depression. I am very private and 
due to a previous share of information in which his family actually used the private information as a weapon to hurt me, I am quite sensitive to this. I expressly asked him to not share this with people, in reasonable fear that he would. He said I must hold him in low regard to ask that.

Well, as we know he dismissed the request and still shared. I am very upset by this as this is private, it is medical and private. Furthermore, one of these contacts is his father. His father is not a private person, his father's step son who is there often is a contact with one of my suppliers for my business. After I started the business, I learned of this connection as this is the step son's best friend who goes away on holiday but it is the best one I've had for my business, so I feel like it isn't too much of a stretch that my 'illness' could be shared with someone I do business with, much apart from the family knowing as well. This was a business that after having a mental break-down in which everything that had meaning, was lost to a break-down, fear of it re-occuring, the shadow of a life-limiting disease. It gave me purpose, it gave me pride and it gave me joy. I feel that my husband's senseless sharing of my private information, that I expressly asked he doesn't share, has coloured something with an ugliness as I am very uncomfortable with not knowing what has been said or how it was said, as we can not control what people say or how they say it once it leaves the confines of the marriage.

He has tried to say to me, that he doesn't remember what I said or that I am too sensitive or why would people share this (I say well they have before and only very recently we've been bitten by his friends contacting his ex to share of our impending divorce). He has also said he did this to 'defend me' - meaning he has said what a hard time I've had and been depressed, which seems odd as it would seem that the best support is to listen to someone's request to not share information and not treat them like a child that you know what is best for. We have been trying to reconcile but it is challenging as I feel he has put road blocks of obstacles to our marriage that had had more than enough to deal with before. If I try to tell him how damaging it is, he says why should I work on a marriage that is this miserable but what do I do? Suck it up or say something and then be told it sucks to be told you've done something to hurt me and no wonder the marriage is sh*t.

So I am asking for some feedback as I don't think I am wrong in thinking this was a pretty big issue and complete obliteration of my rights to boundaries and privacy. so I am looking for your feedback on if depression is something a spouse should be able to share with family and friends? Also, as I said to him, this information can be used to discriminate against people. It wouldn't be legal, of course, but this happens in life. He has diminished it to comparing to saying someone has eczema, which I do not feel is the same thing or would be used in the same manner if I sought a job some place. He has also dminished it by saying, 'everyone has depression!' but that isn't the point, it doesn't matter what that person has or that person or how they like to share it, it is about my feelings as it was me who went through it and went through the horrible trauma of a mental and emotional break-down. It was me who needed the privacy and it was me who pulled themselves out of it. This was my struggle and he shares it like it was nothing and it was the worst thing that ever happened in my life and I fear it ever reoccurring. 

So I very much look forward to hearing people's comments.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

It is also a loss of trust, understanding,and yes, your private issues are yours to tell others, not him. TBH, I think he disregarded your words because he is callous, and when you caught him, it is just excuses.

Work on your own end and issues. I would continue with the divorce, because, even with divorce as a potential, he has issues understanding. You can call off the divorce if things improve, but in a certain amount of time, if it does not, what is the point of going through this again.

He has shown a lack of trust, and when he does, he cannot or is willing to try and understand his mistakes. He doesn't own his issues, and it sounds like it is a reoccurring theme with him. He has not shown to be trusted, and how can you build an intimate connection without that trust. If a fear of losing the marriage does not bring to his attention on how serious this issue is for you, this is not a strong wake-up call for him to reflect on himself.


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