# I don't really have sex the way I want to



## risotto20 (Mar 29, 2012)

I am more experimental than my wife. Our sex is pretty vanilla and has been for a while. Me on top or her on top, the occasional doggy...thats it. And when its over it is like she a praying mantis. She is not super mean to me but is not particularly nice either. It was like we just conducted a business deal or something. I don't need to be cuddled afterwards or anything but maybe hang out in the bed for a few minutes before going to the bathroom and washing up. I go down on her at an unfair ratio...very unfair but I like doing it for her. She doesn't like to swallow and I am ok with that...its no biggy to me. She is not into anal but for whatever reason I am turned on by touching (not penetrating) her there when she is on top. She doesn't like when I do that. I like to 69 but she doesn't.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

How long has this been going on for? 
Is there stuff happening in your life at the moment that may be causing her to act like mantis woman? Or has this been fairly consistent throughout your whole relationship?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi risotto ~

Sounds like maybe both of you are having some unmet needs in the bedroom.

Have you ever tried to have a heartfelt conversation outside the bedroom about each of your desires?

Do you communicate during sex - asking/telling each other what you would like to do?

Does she respond if you initiate things in the bedroom? If you try a touch that she doesn't like, do you move on to something else? If you would like her to touch you in a certain way/place, do you let her know - put her hands there or verbalize it to her?

Do you have malingering things going on outside the bedroom that could be being dragged in to the bedroom and affecting her willingness or desire?

Best wishes.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Women should be running into the bathroom immediately after sex to go pee. This helps prevent a UTI which can lead to a kidney infection. In my experience, I ended up in the hospital for 5 nights most likely not peeing after sex or a new lube. It took over 3 months to FULLY heal from the infection.

After we clean up is when we get back into bed or head in the living room on the couch for closeness time if we are not in a hurry to be somewhere or do something.

Both our attitudes are kind and loving towards each other. I can not lay without washing up immediately after. I'm super paranoid of another infection.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't like 69, I can't enjoy and give...it's just not possible for me. Maybe your wife feels the same.

How often do you guys have sex?


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Another vote for immediately running to the bathroom after sex. It's very important. Hard to explain to a man, I think. But that's no excuse for not going right back to bed to cuddle!!!


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## Mestupxtian (Mar 30, 2012)

People have different needs and wants in bed. Especially men and women. My wife is not a big fan of oral giving or receiving. I am, but I am not going to force her to do anything that she doesn't want to do. She knows I like it, so she does it as a treat once in a blue moon - usually as a reward - but it isn't regular.

I agree with Enchantment. Sounds like you guys need to open up about your sex life. Sex and intimacy shouldn't be dirty words in a marriage. Talk one-on-one just before, after or during intimacy about what each of you wants/needs. If you have a question as to why she does or doesn't like something, ask her and be prepared if she asks you. Be straightforward about your conversation and honest with each other.

I also agree that the marriage bed could be a thermometer for what is going on in the rest of your lives (finances, jobs, household chores, unmet emotional needs, etc.). Women, and some men, sometimes have a hard time being intimate if something is on their mind. A little more background would be helpful for recommendations.


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## ValNTine (Feb 27, 2012)

Alone, I know how you feel. I'm the HD one in my relationship, and I am willing to try everything at least twice. My husband has LD and prefers everything vanilla. I sat down and talked to my husband about my wanting to have more fun in bed, and he explained he just didn't feel that way. He liked it "normal". We do go crazy on occasion and have anal sex (which I really like), but even that's rare.

The only advice I can really offer is when you do talk to your wife, and you really should, make sure you get the point across to her that she is great at what she does... but that you just want to try something fun with her. Start slow and easy, so you don't scare or freak her out, but just continue to remind her during the whole conversation how sexy she is and how you'd love to try _____ with her and ________ with her (fill in the blanks) and how much you think she'll like it. Check out the Kama Sutra together and pick out positions that will help reach her G spot easier or help her reach climax more often. Maybe she'll be more interested in trying something new if it means more fun for her??


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## BroderickMi (Mar 30, 2012)

it's just not possible for me. Maybe your wife feels the same


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## tokn (Sep 9, 2011)

Like others have said, you need to open up a conversation with her.

Did you guys always had vanilla sex or did it changed recently? If its always been then maybe ask her how she would feel about trying something different, such as toys or porn together.

If its changed can you remember back to when it changed and any events that could have lead up to the change?

But in either you still should open up a convo about it. It's normal and healthy to talk about your sex life with your partners.

Like someone suggested, maybe something like "honey how do you feel about our sex life?" it's an open question and not accusatory.

If she responds back that it's fine, then go back to the approach of spicing things up abit. Or ask her if there's something she wants you to do differently in bed. But whatever she tells you, don't take it as a shot to your ego and get butt hurt about it, take it as a you've just learned a new way to satisfy your wife.

GL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

risotto20 said:


> I am more experimental than my wife. Our sex is pretty vanilla and has been for a while. Me on top or her on top, the occasional doggy...thats it. And when its over it is like she a praying mantis. She is not super mean to me but is not particularly nice either. It was like we just conducted a business deal or something. I don't need to be cuddled afterwards or anything but maybe hang out in the bed for a few minutes before going to the bathroom and washing up. I go down on her at an unfair ratio...very unfair but I like doing it for her. She doesn't like to swallow and I am ok with that...its no biggy to me. She is not into anal but for whatever reason I am turned on by touching (not penetrating) her there when she is on top. She doesn't like when I do that. I like to 69 but she doesn't.



You say she doesn't like to swallow and you go down on her at an unfair ratio...does she not like to give bj's or it is just the swallowing? Because there's lots of other things to do with the pudding, esp. if swallowing is no big deal to you.

Your post doesn't say whether you've talked to her about it or not. I would be direct with her and tell her it bothers you that she acts so business-like about sex. Tell her you want to try new things and spice it up. She might discover she likes it more than she's willing to admit.

What do you mean "she is like a praying mantis?" I'm usually pretty quick on the uptake but that one has me laughing and puzzling. 

I don't like 69 either. Lots of women don't. So you might have to cave a little on that one.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Run the show outside of the bedroom and you'll run the show inside the bedroom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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