# Getting Divorced Twice



## kclark30 (Nov 6, 2021)

The divorce is starting to sink in and I'm wondering how most people feel about a person who has been divorced twice. My first marriage happened when I was 20 mostly because the two of us wanted to have sex. He joined the army the next day without telling me and long story short, four months later we filed for divorce. My second marriage ended because I was abused physically and mentally, 10 years it wasn't healthy trying to make it work. I'm thinking of dating again and I am terrified of telling people that I have been divorced twice. Anyone else have a little experience with this?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I do know a couple of lovely people who have been through 2 divorces. It happens sometimes. One was cheated on both times. 
How old are you? 
I guess it's normal to be a little wary when you hear a person you are dating has 2 divorces, but people seem to have third or even forth marriages so if they understand why the marriages ended it may be ok. 

Please be careful if you date again. Don't go near a guy who is in anyway abusive.


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## kclark30 (Nov 6, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I do know a couple of lovely people who have been through 2 divorces. It happens sometimes. One was cheated on both times.
> How old are you?
> I guess it's normal to be a little wary when you hear a person you are dating has 2 divorces, but people seem to have third or even forth marriages so if they understand why the marriages ended it may be ok.
> 
> Please be careful if you date again. Don't go near a guy who is in anyway abusive.


I am 44. My first divorce never bothered me because I was very immature. My second is a little harder to deal with.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

kclark30 said:


> The divorce is starting to sink in and I'm wondering how most people feel about a person who has been divorced twice. My first marriage happened when I was 20 mostly because the two of us wanted to have sex. He joined the army the next day without telling me and long story short, four months later we filed for divorce. My second marriage ended because I was abused physically and mentally, 10 years it wasn't healthy trying to make it work. I'm thinking of dating again and I am terrified of telling people that I have been divorced twice. Anyone else have a little experience with this?





kclark30 said:


> I am 44. My first divorce never bothered me because I was very immature. My second is a little harder to deal with.


OP, you sound like me. I'm 42, married at 20 for under a year, married again at 27 for nearly 13 yrs. 

I was way more self-conscious about it than my bf. The right person will get to know you over time. You can't help it if it's a dealbreaker to some people, just like they can't help whatever about them is a dealbreaker to you.

You only need to click with the right person, so think about quality, not quantity if you're relationship-minded. You'll be fine!


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

OP,

I'm on my 3rd marriage, since 2019.

I first got married back in the 1980's. I'm in my mid-50's. My first marriage was over 16 years and we were together 25 years overall. My 2nd marriage lasted 8 years and I'm working on year number 3 on my 3rd marriage right now.

My current husband was married once before so he's on his 2nd marriage with me.

My first husband cheated on me, a lot. Nuff said.

I contributed to my 2nd marriage not making it by not having resolved enough of my own issues. I'm human, far from perfect and I made many mistakes in my teens, 20's and 30's etc.

I'm pro counseling and I've been many times and some of it began to stick, just not enough to save my 2nd marriage. There was no cheating, by either of us, in my 2nd marriage. There were issues of trying to blend our families too as he had a child and I have 3. We weren't kids when we married, I was 40 and he was 50 years old and we'd each been married before, but we still didn't make it, for many reasons.

Thankfully, it seems as if I've reached a point where my current marriage will make it. It just took me a long time to get there.

You are still really young and there are many folks out there for you even being divorced twice.

I'm not saying you have any issues to work though, but if you do, please work on them now, for yourself and your future partner, you'll be glad you did.


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## Wideopn Dave (Apr 11, 2013)

Why are you concerned about "telling prospective new love" that you're twice divorced? If that's an issue for them that's their issue not yours. Everyone has a past. That's irrelevant and cannot be changed. The future is what counts. Either they want one with you or they don't.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

the thing you might consider is to NOT rush into dating, and certainly NOT rush into getting married again, because you do not seem to be able to pick good guys.
i would recommend some self inspection, and figure out why that is. Do you like the "thrill" of dating bad boys, but then find out after marrying them that they a....bad boys? 
Maybe try dating good boys.

i do not think it is all just bad luck, you need to learn how to read men better. figure out who they really are, not who they want you to think they are.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Wideopn Dave said:


> Why are you concerned about "telling prospective new love" that you're twice divorced? If that's an issue for them that's their issue not yours. Everyone has a past. That's irrelevant and cannot be changed. The future is what counts. Either they want one with you or they don't.


True. Plus it shows you're not a casual person.

You'll be dating right alongside people who change partners every few months/years, yet no one stigmatizes that.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

I've been hesitant to post on this thread because I'm quite ashamed of my own horrible past. But hopefully it will help kclark so here I am.

I can empathize with kclark, in fact I've had those exact same thoughts before.
In my opinion these thoughts stem from an injured psyche coming out of a traumatic situation, which all divorces are to some extent.

Then add to that the thought that you are somehow "damaged" goods in the view of the rest of the world it can complicate your emotional state and cause a snowball of self-doubt, negative thoughts, etc.

But kclark, let me reassure you that this thinking is both temporary and false. These fears will fade as you meet new people. And anyone who truly wants to be with you will go through the effort of getting to know the real you in spite of anything in your past. And those are the people you want around you.

Anyone who runs away...let them. They would run at the first sign of trouble in a relationship anyway.

Best of luck in your new life.


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## kclark30 (Nov 6, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> the thing you might consider is to NOT rush into dating, and certainly NOT rush into getting married again, because you do not seem to be able to pick good guys.
> i would recommend some self inspection, and figure out why that is. Do you like the "thrill" of dating bad boys, but then find out after marrying them that they a....bad boys?
> Maybe try dating good boys.
> 
> i do not think it is all just bad luck, you need to learn how to read men better. figure out who they really are, not who they want you to think they are.


The odds of me ever getting married again are slim to none. I don’t think I can ever sign a piece of paper to be attached to someone again. I am a poor judge of character. I believe what men tell me for face value. I had self esteem issues quite a few years ago and went to therapy to fix that. Any tips on how to read men better, I am all ears.


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## kclark30 (Nov 6, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I've been hesitant to post on this thread because I'm quite ashamed of my own horrible past. But hopefully it will help kclark so here I am.
> 
> I can empathize with kclark, in fact I've had those exact same thoughts before.
> In my opinion these thoughts stem from an injured psyche coming out of a traumatic situation, which all divorces are to some extent.
> ...


Thanks, I def feel like I am damaged goods...and I def needed to read this.


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## kclark30 (Nov 6, 2021)

TXTrini said:


> True. Plus it shows you're not a casual person.
> 
> You'll be dating right alongside people who change partners every few months/years, yet no one stigmatizes that.


You’re right, I never really thought about it that way before.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

kclark30 said:


> The odds of me ever getting married again are slim to none. I don’t think I can ever sign a piece of paper to be attached to someone again. I am a poor judge of character. I believe what men tell me for face value. I had self esteem issues quite a few years ago and went to therapy to fix that. Any tips on how to read men better, I am all ears.


we should be able to come up with something!


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