# Time limit?



## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Had found out about my H's 2nd EA last week(had been talking since at least Oct. 2010)with his old high school(class of 81) sweetheart..( which he slept with twice in 98 while married to his second wife) . Of course he says they were only discussing the reunion and how his BIL is doing, ( bad car accident)... yet they only talk when he's out on the road (or from home when I'm at work),,and when she's at work..Hmmm

Sounds fishy to me too....

I confronted him on Thanksgiving day ( nice of me huh??

It has only been 10 weeks since found out about the 1st one and yet today ( he says he is sorry and wants to stay with me)
he says I need to decide what I want to do and let him know before Christmas.

Said he doesn't want to come home thinking things are going to be ok,, and go through Christmas feeling that way also ( I told him I'm still in limbo) and then I decide to have him leave after. 

I told him that it's not "his" place to give me the time limit on "my" decision. 

He said he didn't want to keep coming home never knowing what mood I'd be in.


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## Tover26 (Oct 29, 2011)

Everyone has time limits. Frankly, Saturday was my time limit but I'm still here, much to my chagrin. I think my wife has an egg timer that is going to go off any minute now and then her time will be up. Everyone operates on their own timeframe for forgiveness, reconciliation, etc. I think it's fair to expect patience if you're willing to give patience. If my wife made a time-based demand to me right now, I'd be livid. However, I've talked to a few of my high school girlfriends on Facebook, Linked In, etc and been straight up with her about it and she hasn't bat an eye... of course, it helps that we aren't doing things in secret and I never had sex with any of them even back in high school and they all live 1000s of miles away, and we're talking about other people we know and are trying to find, etc. 

I'm just going to hazard that you maybe confronted him too early.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It's interesting he has this attitude. A remorseful cheater interested in wanting to save his marriage wouldn't have such a lackadaisical attitude. He's only worried about what mood you are in. He should be asking what he can do to save his marriage and what he can do to make things right.

Clearly the ball is in your court. The time factor is up to you. Are you sure these affairs weren't physical also? Nevertheless, the problem is reoccurring. You may want to seek professional counseling for better insight.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Tover26 said:


> I'm just going to hazard that you maybe confronted him too early.



How long do you wait to confront,,, I had a year worth of phone calls..??? I didn't yell at all. He did though..... 

Told me he didn't trust me one bit.

Today he even suggested I go out and do something to hurt him so we'll be even.... I told him 2 wrongs don't make a right.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

827Aug said:


> It's interesting he has this attitude. A remorseful cheater interested in wanting to save his marriage wouldn't have such a lackadaisical attitude. He's only worried about what mood you are in. He should be asking what he can do to save his marriage and what he can do to make things right.
> 
> Clearly the ball is in your court. The time factor is up to you. Are you sure these affairs weren't physical also? Nevertheless, the problem is reoccurring. You may want to seek professional counseling for better insight.


I'm going to suggest counseling since I suggested he at least talk to a friend or his sister and I got a yelling response of 
" I ain't talking to my f*cking family about this, any other bright ideas?" 

His first EA lives 1000 miles away so don't think that one was physical...... not sure on the second since they both cheated on their spouses in 98 physically with each other... (I told him that he just can't get past her..)

He said he vowed his heart to me when we got married,, yet I reminded him he vowed his heart to wife #2 as well and look how that went...???


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I'm nearly 7 months from D-day and I still may choose to D.
You can't put a time limit on it.
The more they do the greater the chance of success.
But nothing is guaranteed.
Counselling may be a good option.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

It sounds like he has his own time limit, and he was letting you know of it. With a time limit or not, limbo is an awful place to be. I'm there now and ready to put an end to it (limbo).


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Guess I should tell him that since there were 2 EA's, I get twice as long to decide... :smthumbup:


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Do you want to wait a long time in limbo?


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

HerToo said:


> Do you want to wait a long time in limbo?



No, but he shouldn't even be giving me a time limit,, he should be wanting to be as patient as I need.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

You have to heal on your own time frame, not his.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I agree. Take the time you need.

Good luck!


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