# I have never been so stuck in my life



## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

Here is the history.
High school sweethearts
2 Kids, one in college, one teen
Together 25 years
Married 20

Feelings for her
Love her to death, most important person to me in the world, sun comes up everyday because of her

Now the stuck part
She cheated on me when were kids, like non stop, local ****
But I fell head over heels
Everyone in small town new her and she was the talk of the town, so we moved across the country
Perfect I thought
Well I call and say hi how are you doing, oops I woke you, sorry. I wasn't asleep she says. But she was.
Did the boys have supper? yes but they didn't.
Like non stop lying began over stupid stuff.
Then the fights start cause I don't understand why. 
I do not deserve you, I'm a **** always was. Well too bad cause you didn't have much of a choice. I fell for you, I wanted you and I went after you.
I am lost and dumbfounded at this point. This is my life she is screwing with and our families happiness.
She got drunk one night after 10 years together said she missed the old days and wishes she was no longer married. Like being care free no responsibilities of kids or husband or house.
Again WTF?
Well if you really think that then I will tell you what, leave
Sign off custody of our children and go. No hard feelings I want you to be happy and even though it pisses me off to the point that I want to kill you, just go.
Well she wouldn't leave.
She did sign over full custody to me.
Then she just misses the free spirit attitude.
Well go get laid and get it out of your system. You have a husband and 2 kids here that want you. If it's what it will take to be a family again then just do it already.
She did. Well needless to say I asked her about it and she bounced all over the place on if she enjoyed it or not, if it was worth it, is it out of her system.
Now every time we argue and it is the same little lies non stop that create huge arguments it comes back to this night fling and she has done it a few times in 10 years to get it out of her system.
Do I like it no, do I love her yes.
I just want to be happy and my kids to be happy.
I don't want to fight over bs I don't want my wife to lie to me and go with someone else.
I've gone so far as move, give her permission to screw around everything just so that she is happy.
We are now 40 and although the other bs has stopped the little lies that blow up are still consistent.
I'm at a loss and have been threatening to leave for a while now.
I do not want to but I can honestly say I do not think either of us are truly happy at this point.
Now it is not all her fault.
I have a huge thing over lies. It's just me. Openness and honesty and lies set me off like a rocket cause there is just no reasoning for them.
I also work away from home.
I am home 7 days a month. I left my job as a medic and took a job at the local hospital but to be honest I could not handle it. I enjoy the fast pace and first on scene to help. 
Well any questions or help anyone can provide would be great because I do know its an insecurity thing with her and I do know I am stubborn and do fly off the handle but I really do love her. Maybe we grew apart, maybe it's me being gone, I don't know. I have tried talking, I have tried everything that I can think of. Counselling is a thought she will go in and bs her way through it saying she is afraid I will leave and all this and does not know why she is doing it so that one is a waste.
Her upbringing has a lot to do with the way she is and a lot to do with how I am. I am from a right is right wrong is wrong very business successful family. I am the loser of the crowd because I am a paramedic and not owning my own business. Her is alcoholic father, cheating mother.
WE have never argued or shown anything but love in front of our kids. WE have disagreements on the phone or behind closed doors. My children do not need to know the problems although I am probably fooling myself to think they do not.
Thanks for any help and sorry this is so long winded but I am at a loss here on how to fix this or even if it worth it.


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

I forgot to mention that this has been a long standing issue as stated above and I have been trying to cover my ass for myself and the kids.
When I bought this new house I left the option open on her moving with us but I had an agreement done up by the lawyer that she is not current or in the future entitled to any property that I purchase. I have sole custody of my children.
It was not anything serious it was just a little push to say look if you want this marriage you have to work at it or your going to be left with nothing.
I have even offered to sign the kids back and give her the house if that is all that she is staying for.
I get no reply though.
I am hoping I am doing something wrong at this point and someone can help me learn


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## Dubya (Oct 2, 2012)

umm, what do you want? Just to know if you are doing something wrong?

Yes, lots of things...

You give her mixed signals, when you think you are giving here freedom.
You have poor boundaries
You told you wife to go get laid.
you arent around enough to have a close relationship
you think marriage is magical and that it wont break?

What does she want?

That was all over the place. Its hard to take that stream of events and put together a coherent picture of what you are going through and what you want help with. 

Please don't take this as an insult, but, are you this frazzled just because of this, or do you have a bit of ADD?


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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

Are you really happy in this marriage?
Do you really know what you want?
Why do you want to keep things together - is it from fear that you won't find anything better?
You need to decide what YOU really want in your life, and then decide if your current arrangement is going to take you there.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Ahahahahahaha!!! I seriously wish I were a fly on your wall. Then I would know the truth because you sure didn't tell it here. You want me to believe you are the innocent and long-suffering victim constantly trying to no avail to make your wife happy. Would your wife tell us you are abusively controlling? Soooo, you took her away from everything she knew, and then your literal abandonment doesn't mean anything, I suppose. Am I really expected to believe that leaving her destitute was to make her happy and somehow better your marriage? I guess I'm also supposed to believe she signed over her rights to her children just so she could stay there raising them. 

Yeah right.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

And she's back!

River, why is your approach always to attack? I can understand that there are aspects of this poster's story that may not hold water (and some of his issues have already been pointed out by other posters) but to simply attack someone who is in pain (even if some of the pain they are experiencing is of there own creation) is unforgiveable.



River1977 said:


> Ahahahahahaha!!! I seriously wish I were a fly on your wall. Then I would know the truth *It's obvious that you've already invented YOUR version of the truth here*because you sure didn't tell it here. You want me to believe you are the innocent and long-suffering victim constantly trying to no avail to make your wife happy. Would your wife tell us you are abusively controlling? *Maybe. But again as I've said to you in the past, she is not posting here. He is*Soooo, you took her away from everything she knew*](alcholic mom? , and then your literal abandonment doesn't mean anything, I suppose. Am I really expected to believe that leaving her destitute was to make her happy and somehow better your marriage? Not sure where you get this from. I guess I'm also supposed to believe she signed over her rights to her children just so she could stay there raising them. What???
> 
> Yeah right.*


*These last 2 words pretty much sum up your attitude. You're a male basher. Again, you have no posts that indicate that you have any issues in your life where you've sought help or advice. I guess since you simply have all the answers and live the perfect life, you feel duty-bound to come on here and dump on all the male posters who have made mistakes in their relationships (yes, I am one too). It must be nice being perfect but I am still willing to bet that somewhere in your life, someone hurt you deeply, so deeply that the only way you can feel better about yourself is to come here and unload your deep seated hatred of men on them. I truly am sorry for whatever happened to you in the past. I hope that some day you'll be able to deal with your demons and overcome come them before this deep seated hatred you have eats you alive.*


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