# Have you ever cheated?



## BrianNY467

If you read my other post, you'll know my friend cheated on his wife with my wife's cousin. He says he confessed to his wife yesterday...

My question is: Have a lot of you guys cheated on your wife in the past and kept it a secret? Bragged about it to your friends? 

I've never cheated...the opportunity has presented itself a few times, but nothing happened and nothing ever will happen.


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## xakulax

You know you're asking this question on a forum site predominantly full betrayed spouses i'm shore the answer will be mostly no but I do know someone that did


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## okeydokie

No


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## Married but Happy

I had opportunities but never took them, even after 2 decades of an essentially sexless marriage. However, as soon as I told her I was divorcing her and started the process of moving out, I started dating.


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## arbitrator

*I'm sorry, but I'm just way too moral and too spiritual ~ it's just a byproduct of my conservative Southern upbringing! If I commit to someone, then I commit, without reservation or equivocation! And I greatly expect the same out of my partner!

But I have aptly demonstrated that I would continue to remain totally faithful to those marital vows and promises that I so heartfeltly made before God, my family and friends, until such time that that union is finally and legally dissolved!

And when the time finally comes, there's probably going to be just a plethora of things that I'm going to have to answer for when I stand before the Heavenly Father, but I'm thinking that infidelity, unfaithfulness, and cheating should not be one of them!*


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## hookares

I never had any thoughts about cheating nor any opportunity to do so while married for two decades to my ex cheater.
Has nothing to do with "spirituality", but more to do with
not being a liar who doesn't mean what he says.


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## Thor

Nope.


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## anchorwatch

NO!!!


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## SadSamIAm

I cheated on one girlfriends during High School. I cheated on my now wife when we had been dating for a couple of months.

I have not cheated during my 26 year marriage.


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## 2ntnuf

No


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## ReformedHubby

I have. Certainly not proud of it. By the way of the men cheaters I know none including myself were the type to brag about what they were doing. That is very, very dumb.


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## Wolf1974

Nope! And I wouldn't ever for a variety of reasons, none of which is based for me in religion. 

1) because it's the right and moral thing to do
2) because when you make vows you are promising not only that person but all your friends and family that are witnesses that you will be faithful and true
3) because turning away in a marriage will never make it better
4) because doing so would make me the same immoral POS as my x wife. And I'm better than that


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## Marduk

Nope.

Not even when there's absolutely no way my wife could find out.

Not even when there's a 22 yr old SR9+ that is just asking for a "night of fun of whatever I want."

Not even in my first marriage after not having sex for 6+ months.

Not even when away on a business trip and approached by two mid-30's milfs for a 3-some.

Not even when I found out wife #1 was cheating.

That's why I never buy the "it just happened BS."

If I'm a red-blooded male that wants to have sex more than once a day and can't help but be attracted to hot women, could find ways to justify it or get away with it and I can still say no...

So can anyone else.


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## GIM003

Never cheated, never will.
The opportunity has been there on occasion-- but although I may have thought about it but was never really tempted to follow through (because it would have been a really bad idea for many reasons, including being both a betrayal of my wife and also a betrayal of my sense of myself).


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## happi_g_more2

Cheated in college. Looking back, it was probably one of the most despicable thing I have ever done. 

Bnyc, you ever gonna follow up on your other thread? Did you tell your wife? did you out this guy?


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## PBear

I have. It did come up with a friend of mine prior to me leaving my marriage. 

When I read your original post, my first thought was that it wasn't your friend's first extra-marital rodeo. Not everyone who cheats wears a scarlet A on their forehead. I really doubt that any of my coworkers would guess that I cheated on my STBXW, much less that I was a card-carrying sex club member. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karole

Absolutely Not!!


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## Fordsvt

In high school yes I did.
I did have an EA on my wife....never a PA


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## harrybrown

no and no.


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## xakulax

To answer your question no my reasons are simple I like to look at myself in the mirror and not feel disgusted.


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## melw74

No. I have good morals.


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## oldgeezer

No.


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## arbitrator

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Sadly..yes I did. If you were to ask me would you ever cheat....my answer would have been no. I too have high morals and convictions, and religious beliefs that it is wrong. But I did it anyway. I almost destroyed everything I love.


*And it greatly bears repeating that you are truly the exception much rather than the rule; as is your great husband!*


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## sammy3

I had two boyfriends at the same time that neither really knew about, that I thought wasn't a really big deal at the time when I was young & single. Don't know if that was "cheating" but I do know, it was me that got hurt the most. 

-sammy


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## chillymorn

no


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## Blossom Leigh

Yes, on my first husband in the 90's. We had a false reconciliation, in that it was just never addressed fully but I decided to stay. He was someone I had to chase our entire relationship and though I recovered given the circumstances, eventually (eight years later) I got tired of chasing him and left after 17 years when he mentioned wanting to be physical with three of my girlfriends by name while he was inside me. And finished on the spot when he couldn't in six years prior to that after me mentioning I wanted kids. I was devastated and left. 

Not proud of my affair... though I understand how I became vulnerable to it and should have made a different choice.


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## ReformedHubby

Quite a few posters have made reference to the fact that they have good morals. I would never tell someone that I think they would cheat, but I do think its important to mention that good morals aren't enough. You need both good morals and appropriate boundaries.

With that said its important to know yourself as well. Boundaries shouldn't be one size fits all across all relationships. Just my .02 cents.


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## 2ntnuf

I tried once, but Fistina just wasn't as good in bed as Palmela.


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## Blossom Leigh

ReformedHubby said:


> Quite a few posters have made reference to the fact that they have good morals. I would never tell someone that I think they would cheat, but I do think its important to mention that good morals aren't enough. You need both good morals and appropriate boundaries.
> 
> With that said its important to know yourself as well. Boundaries shouldn't be one size fits all across all relationships. Just my .02 cents.


Exactly because right before I did I would have NEVER dreamed of doing that... was staunchly opposed. My vulnerability at the time cannot be overstated.


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## MEM2020

No

I had a series's of absolutely safe opportunities to cheat. Thing is, part of the reason it's so special with M2, is because I only do it with her.....



[/B]


BrianNY467 said:


> If you read my other post, you'll know my friend cheated on his wife with my wife's cousin. He says he confessed to his wife yesterday...
> 
> My question is: Have a lot of you guys cheated on your wife in the past and kept it a secret? Bragged about it to your friends?
> 
> I've never cheated...the opportunity has presented itself a few times, but nothing happened and nothing ever will happen.


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## P51Geo1980

BrianNY467 said:


> If you read my other post, you'll know my friend cheated on his wife with my wife's cousin. He says he confessed to his wife yesterday...
> 
> My question is: Have a lot of you guys cheated on your wife in the past and kept it a secret? Bragged about it to your friends?
> 
> I've never cheated...the opportunity has presented itself a few times, but nothing happened and nothing ever will happen.


No, I have never cheated, but after going through my terrible marriage I can totally understand why/sympathize with people who do cheat.

There's a certain point where you just get fed up with "talking" and "asking to go to counseling" and letting the other spouse know there is a problem in their marriage. I'm so cynical now, that when I hear someone got cheated on, the first thought in my head is "why did you screw up your relationship in the first place?" Those who are cheated on seem to feel absolved of their part in the destruction of the marriage. 

The opportunity did present itself for me a few times, but I didn't cheat because it's just not who I am. Now that I'm in the process of divorcing my STBXW, I have no problems dating - we are no longer married (even if the divorce needs another 4 months to go through) and I'm dating someone much more pleasant than the STBXW...and yes, she knows the situation. STBXW is upset about it, but oh well...she had her chance...many chances actually. :smthumbup:


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## Don-Juan

no.


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## Horsa

I cheated on my DW when we was dating, and she knew. I was still dating my ex GF when I met DW, and I cheated on my ex GF with DW. After I broke up with her and moved in with DW, I had a final breakup with ex. So I cheated on both of them, and DW knew about the breakup sex becoz I told her.
I also flirted with another woman, when our marriage was rock bottom, just to float my ego and made DW jealous becoz I told her about it.
But I've never cheat after we were married, and I will try my best to make it so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

no


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## alexm

No, and I'll tell you I learned something extremely valuable from wife #1 - 

The second half of the 14 year relationship with her was, overall, not good, and at times, miserable. I should have left, but she had me wrapped around her little finger, and good. I was getting literally nothing out of being with her - no emotional OR physical needs being met.

There were many occasions over that time that I could have cheated on her and had my needs met, and it was never (and I mean never) me crossing the line with a woman. Maybe I gave off that vibe of being in a miserable relationship subconsciously, and women picked up on that, I don't know. But I had no shortage of flirtatious co-workers, strangers, friend's wives, etc. Ranging from the subtle, to the not-very-subtle-at-all. I never blinked.

Now that I am in a happy relationship and having my needs met, I am obviously giving off a much different vibe. The "he's happy, and therefore not interested" vibe, I'm guessing.

What I learned is that it's incredibly easy to cheat when you're unhappy. A lot of the time, they come to you. This is very likely where the "it just happened" excuse comes from. No, you weren't out looking to screw around. Somebody approached you, made you feel good (because you don't at home, maybe) and things happened.

After that, the difference is in one's morals. The combination of "unhappy" and "loose morals" is a dangerous one.

FWIW, I believe, to this day, that wife #1 always had loose morals, however she was happy with me for a while. She started cheating on me when she was no longer happy. Before that, morals aside, she didn't, and wouldn't have, cheated on me. I do not have loose morals, therefore being unhappy was not justification enough for me to cheat, no matter the vibe I gave off to people.


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## ariel_angel77

Stupidly, once when I was dating as a teenager.

Never during marriage.


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## johny1989

Nope..


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## jorgegene

my cheating story:

I had just broken up a LTR. I was with a new gf. My ex would come from out of state and stay with me for about a week at a time towards the later part of our relationship. She asked if she could stay with me for a few days, and I said ok, but it was understood I was in a new relationship and nothing would happen. I told my new gf. and she didn't like it but said ok.

So my ex stayed with me. I gave her the bed, and I slept on the floor. I tried to be good, but the last few nights, my ex got really pissed and insisted i sleep on the bed with her. I succumbed.
We didn't have sex, or even make out, but we did cuddle, so I guess that does qualify as cheating.


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## SamuraiJack

Cheated once in collge. LDR and a friend offered up some company.
Never cheated in the marriage. 
She may have.


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## somethingelse

P51Geo1980 said:


> No, I have never cheated, but after going through my terrible marriage I can totally understand why/sympathize with people who do cheat.
> 
> There's a certain point where you just get fed up with "talking" and "asking to go to counseling" and letting the other spouse know there is a problem in their marriage. *I'm so cynical now, that when I hear someone got cheated on, the first thought in my head is "why did you screw up your relationship in the first place?" Those who are cheated on seem to feel absolved of their part in the destruction of the marriage.*
> 
> The opportunity did present itself for me a few times, but I didn't cheat because it's just not who I am. Now that I'm in the process of divorcing my STBXW, I have no problems dating - we are no longer married (even if the divorce needs another 4 months to go through) and I'm dating someone much more pleasant than the STBXW...and yes, she knows the situation. STBXW is upset about it, but oh well...she had her chance...many chances actually. :smthumbup:


I know you're saying that because you're cynical now...but I just wanted to say that there are cases where the partner who cheats is just a total selfish turd who gets a high when cheating and lying, and it's "in their blood" to stray. The BS can do WHATEVER it takes to try to please for years on end, and it does NOT pay off. I speak from my own experience. 

However....I do agree that there are people who get pushed to the brink and fall because of it. There are husband's and wives who are terrible, hard to get along with, cheaters, with-holders...just plain destructive to the relationship in some way. In which case, it creates more of a tempting environment for the WS. Either way....it's all bad, and none of it is justified.


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## MaritimeGuy

Couldn't we get into a Bill Clintonish type discussion here? Is the definition of cheating only PIV sex? 

Or could it include chatting about sex online with strangers? flirting with that hot person at work? commiserating with a member of the opposite sex about difficulties you're having in your marriage? the list goes on....

My rough definition is anything you do that you choose not to tell your spouse about because it will make for a difficult discussion is a form of cheating. I would guess that many of us have made this choice at one time or another.


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## EnjoliWoman

No, never cheated, even though my ex was abusive. I needed to leave that first before moving on. It's just not who I am, which is loyal to a fault.

As far as I know he never did although he had ample opportunity because of the freedom his job gave him. I wonder in retrospect because when I left he accused me of cheating. Since I knew I didn't, I wonder if his accusations were projection. Who knows. It doesn't matter now.


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## Fozzy

I've cheated on my diet a few times, but not my wife.


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## soulseer

P51Geo1980 said:


> There's a certain point where you just get fed up with "talking" and "asking to go to counseling" and letting the other spouse know there is a problem in their marriage. I'm so cynical now, that when I hear someone got cheated on, the first thought in my head is "why did you screw up your relationship in the first place?"
> 
> Those who are cheated on seem to feel absolved of their part in the destruction of the marriage.


Very true .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf

It's a choice, not everyone can make.


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## Rowan

Nope, never cheated.



MaritimeGuy said:


> Couldn't we get into a Bill Clintonish type discussion here? Is the definition of cheating only PIV sex?
> 
> Or could it include chatting about sex online with strangers? flirting with that hot person at work? commiserating with a member of the opposite sex about difficulties you're having in your marriage? the list goes on....
> 
> My rough definition is anything you do that you choose not to tell your spouse about because it will make for a difficult discussion is a form of cheating. I would guess that many of us have made this choice at one time or another.


Yeahhh, still no.



P51Geo1980 said:


> I'm so cynical now, that when I hear someone got cheated on, the first thought in my head is "why did you screw up your relationship in the first place?" Those who are cheated on seem to feel absolved of their part in the destruction of the marriage.


I was married to a serial cheater. So, you may imagine all the ways I must have screwed up my relationship in the first place, with what I'm sure is a very grand amount of both cynicism and righteous indignation. But the fact is, that not everyone who gets cheated on had it coming.


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## treyvion

Rowan said:


> Nope, never cheated.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeahhh, still no.
> 
> 
> 
> I was married to a serial cheater. So, you may imagine all the ways I must have screwed up my relationship in the first place, with what I'm sure is a very grand amount of both cynicism and righteous indignation. But the fact is, that not everyone who gets cheated on had it coming.


Thank you!

Imagine the horror a cheated on betrayed spouse feels when they realize they have absolutely zero support, because the spectators feel it must have been something they did or did not do to cause the cheating.


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## sinnister

hookares said:


> I never had any thoughts about cheating nor any opportunity to do so while married for two decades to my ex cheater.
> Has nothing to do with "spirituality", but more to do with
> not being a liar who doesn't mean what he says.


Truth.


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## arbitrator

*Just consider it as being a huge part of my moral upbringing and conscionability!

As a single guy, I simply could not bring myself to do anything with a married woman, as to do so would have my conscience damned-near terminally hurting me because I would know that I was more than a willing party in breaking up a marital union that God had given his prior blessings to, in addition to breaking her rightful husband's heart beyond measure.

As a married man, I simply could never bring myself to touch another woman, so as not to defile my very own marriage vows to my wife, my family, my community, and more importantly to the Heavenly Father, who I had made those very same solemn vows before!

Let's just say that God may very well "cash my check" over a plethora of other sins that I may have committed that were summarily displeasing in His eyes, but cheating and adultery shouldn't be among them!*


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## WyshIknew

Nope.

I've been flirty, had a laugh but otherwise no.

When Mrs Wysh and I went through our problems I would visit a friend, probably more my friend than our friend, to discuss our marital problems and how I could win my wife back. Sounds wussy, I know.

Anyway, one night as I was leaving, I gave her our customary hug and she asked if I had any condoms. Remained on speaking terms but I made sure I was not alone with her again.


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## Personal

No, not while married or dating, despite some offers over the years.

On the other hand, when I was single and long before I owned a mobile phone I have been the other man.

The same applies to my wife she hasn't cheated either, yet she has been the other woman.


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## Stonewall

Never, It has seriously never even crossed my mind.


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## ChargingCharlie

About a month or so into our relationship, wife (then GF) had to go out of town on family business. Old GF (great in the sack but a nut job), after a long phone conversation which involved a little phone sex, ended up driving down to see me in the middle of the night. We ended up having sex and showering together, but then told her as she was leaving that we had to end it. Of course, she got really upset, to the point that I feared her showing up at my house, even though she lived over 100 miles away. Felt horrible about it, and have never told my wife, and never will.


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## Jetranger

During LTR, came close. We'd been together a decade and I was one of those who'd always said I'd never be tempted but you don't know your limits until you've been pushed to them. In the end, the other woman didn't want to be the 'other woman' unless I had my gf's permission, which I sought and received, but then nothing (sexual anyway) ended up happening and with permission it wouldn't have counted any more anyway.

EA? More than one.

Been the 'other man'? Several times.


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## ScrambledEggs

No.

Some "Friends" once bought me a prostitute that was suppose to be a surprise for me. I walked out.

In the last 10 years three women have hit on me at work. One I was extremely attracted to and was herself very successful and attractive.

I have had three other contacts on social networking/meet up sites and events that could have easily pivoted to emotional affairs and perhaps more. 

Still no.


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## Depth.Inside

No... it has been tempting, especially given my wife and my troubles through the marriage but I have never cheated. She swears she never has either but I dont fully believe her. Im pretty convinced she has had at least an emotional affair.


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## lone and cautious

Never cheated on any woman I've been in a relationship with, including my ex wife who was terrible at terrible sex, if you could even call it that. Was I tempted? Yes but I never acted upon it, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.


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## TimeHeals

Yeah, when I was 19 years old I did the whole revenge cheating thing on a girlfriend who had cheated. And no, I wasn't sorry at all at the time.

I was 19 years old, the center of my own universe, and my pain/enjoyment/"need" was all that mattered, and yes... I was an asshat too. 

Luckily I grew up, became more empathetic and developed better boundaries and learned to value integrity a whole lot more than that 19 year old fool who thought he knew everything already 

I attended the school of hard knocks. Tuition was steep.

Turns out... I am not that important, and I am certainly not the center of the universe.


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## treyvion

TimeHeals said:


> Yeah, when I was 19 years old I did the whole revenge cheating thing on a girlfriend who had cheated. And no, I wasn't sorry at all at the time.
> 
> I was 19 years old, the center of my own universe, and my pain/enjoyment/"need" was all that mattered, and yes... I was an asshat too.
> 
> Luckily I grew up, became more empathetic and developed better boundaries and learned to value integrity a whole lot more than that 19 year old fool who thought he knew everything already
> 
> I attended the school of hard knocks. Tuition was steep.
> 
> Turns out... I am not that important, and I am certainly not the center of the universe.


Who is that important?


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## WyshIknew

intheory said:


> That's interesting, Wysh.
> 
> If you spend time alone with a woman opening your mind and emotions to her; there's a good chance she's going to start to feel sexual about you; provided she finds you basically physically attractive.


Well the old, wise me knows that. Try telling it to the younger, devastated, emotionally wrecked me. It's the only time as a man I have ever cried, I was absolutely disgusted and ashamed with myself.

If Attila the Hun or Hannibal Lecter had offered me an opportunity to talk, a shoulder to lean on I would have accepted.


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## options20

anytime I wanted to have sex with a man or woman while I was in a relationship I broke up with my bf/gf.


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## treyvion

options20 said:


> anytime I wanted to have sex with a man or woman while I was in a relationship I broke up with my bf/gf.


Break up, sleep with the other and then get back together? That's messing with someone's feelings even more.


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## options20

treyvion said:


> Break up, sleep with the other and then get back together? That's messing with someone's feelings even more.


I didn't get back with him or her usually. Obviously if I wanted someone else we weren't meant for each other. I couldn't commit so the point in feigning a relationship seems pointless.


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## bild-a-loco

To put it quite simply, no, I've never cheated. Even when I was dating a girl, I'd always break up with her before I started seeing another - just principle with me.


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