# Please "Talk me down!"



## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

My son and I just left for church and he asked since he was supposed to possibly meet his dad for lunch at a certain time, if we could "the three of us" go earlier. He called his dad and he (his dad) sounded nervous.....was kind of stammering and saying that he could meet at the regular time or another time maybe. Almost sounded like he was blowing him off. I feel CERTAIN that either my husband has someone at his apartment OR (since he is lacking in furnishings) that he is elsewhere with someone. He said he was working on a photography project but it is all I can do to not either show up at his apartment or "Trick him" and tell him we are there and are coming up, just to find out what he is really up to. My husband can shower and be somewhere in a matter of minutes. Why did he not accept my son's offer to meet earlier? This made my son (and me) very uncomfortable. I know we are separated (not legally) but I still feel it is SO wrong if he is seeing people and want to "control it!" Heck, if he was unfaithful under my roof, OF COURSE he will be now. Please help. I have been doing a BEAUTIFUL job with the "180" this week! This is so hard


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## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

OR............He may have made "plans" with someone and lunch does not fit into his "schema" today? UGH


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Don't bother w/ him. Ignore ignore ignore.

It sounds like he was prob up to something.


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## BluePink (Apr 2, 2011)

It's awful that we're put into circumstances that we have to be so distrustful. I know it's going to be hard but, for your son's sake, try very hard to keep reactions at a minimum. 

Whatever he's doing/not doing, you have no control over. Try to work on the things you're able to control...such as yourself, your son, and what you're going to do today to keep your mind off of him and his crap. 

I wish I had something magical to say that would take your hurt and pain away. Heck, I wish I had that for me too! But I don't. I can only change how I react to situations, not how others will act towards me. 

Good luck today.


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

is it possible that the reason he is fidgetty is that it changed from meeting son to meeting both of you?

This could be separate from anyone being there or not. If it was planned that it would be him and son, it would be akward to change it to you and him and son. That changes the entire dynamic of the meet.

not to forgive him or invalidate any of your feelings but that could easily come off as you trying to sneek in time even if it was innocently coming from your son.


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## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

@Shianne~You are absolutely right. THAT could be what the perceived nervousness was all about. It was my son's idea for us to go together not mine. I did not want to say,"No" when my son suggested it. My H and I have had several "dinner/movie" meetings and actually it's been quite pleasant, so not sure that would be the reason, but certainly could be. I just need to calm down, and realize "This too shall pass." I am going to have to come to terms with the fact that he WILL (probably IS) see others......date others, etc. whether I like it or not. Would just love to hear that it was completely "innocent" and that he really was in a "work mode" until the original "meet up time" but my son never called him back, so I assume he thinks my son and I went ahead and ate earlier. I have not contacted him nor will I. I am proud of myself! I am getting stronger, but it still STINKS!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Your suspicions are probably the reason(s). I got hit with something similar last week. No doubt, it is hard. But, we have to ignore it and move forward--one day at a time. There's no reason to confront the husband either....unless you particular enjoy creative story telling.


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## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

@827Aug. HAHAHA. LOVIN' the "creative story telling." HAHAHA. He has that market cornered unfortunately. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. He DOES get in "work mode" and likes to finish his "edits" once he starts. He shot a wedding last night and I DO believe he has been working on the pics, cuz I have lived with him for 22 years, BUT, he has also done a lot of "creative story telling." HAHA. I just don't want him blowing off the kids to "chase skirt." (Am I showing my age with that last remark?) I can not control him, because if I could, NONE of the ugliness would have ever occurred. I am remaining strong and steadfast, and will carry on with my day. I am woman, hear me ROAR! HAHA.


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## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

@BluePink and @Jellybeans~ Thank you so much for your responses and support. It helped a bunch, and I am still NC! YEA ME! Good luck to you guys as well


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

BluePink said:


> It's awful that we're put into circumstances that we have to be so distrustful. I know it's going to be hard but, for your son's sake, try very hard to keep reactions at a minimum.
> 
> Whatever he's doing/not doing, you have no control over. Try to work on the things you're able to control...such as yourself, your son, and what you're going to do today to keep your mind off of him and his crap.
> 
> ...


 Thanks for that. It's cool how we can read someone else's thread and gain advice for ourselves. I'm going to go mow some grass.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I love that you're going to "mow some grass." Don't know why that is so funny to me  LOL. 

Yep, stay no contact unless it's about your child(ren).


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## BluePink (Apr 2, 2011)

Thanks Kcrat. I'm glad I was able to help. 

And Castingabout, thank you so much for saying that. I've not posted my entire story here but I've posted here and there and have felt invisible for the most part. So, knowing that something I said was helpful makes my day! 

I also get a lot out of reading advise given to others. Sadly, we're all in the same terrible place through no real fault of our own. Having to change our lives, our lifestyles, some of us our homes too, as well as the person we loved and trusted most in the world is overwhelmingly difficult at times. Finding these message boards has been a lifesaver for me.

Thank you for being here :-D


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