# anyone else having a really hard time through holidays



## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

My ex is back in town he still wants a divorce and I am so devastated again I feel like I am going to die. This is the worst Christmas ever I don't know how I am going to make it through the holidays.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

You'll make it through, somehow. We'll all make it through, as hard as it is. The strength comes from somewhere deep inside. Although my situation is very different from yours and my husband and I still speak and spend time together, I'm having a difficult time as well. I was doing ok up until yesterday when I felt the black cloud start to move in. I've cried quite a bit over the last two days and just want the holidays to be over with already.

Sorry that I don't have any comforting words for you. I guess we all just have to get through the next few days as best we can and know that better days are ahead.

Hang in there.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

I'm going to see him tomorrow night after work to say my final goodbye before the divorce(yeah nice xmas eve present)because he is leaving on boxing day and it will be my only chance. I say "my" final goodbye because he really doesn't care either way if he sees me or not ever again. So I imagine I will be crying like a fool and making myself look like an idiot. I haven't seen him in 6 months. He hasn't missed me or anything....meanwhile I am still in love with him. I really feel like I am going to die.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

caughtdreaming said:


> I'm going to see him tomorrow night after work to say my final goodbye before the divorce(yeah nice xmas eve present)because he is leaving on boxing day and it will be my only chance. I say "my" final goodbye because he really doesn't care either way if he sees me or not ever again. So I imagine I will be crying like a fool and making myself look like an idiot. I haven't seen him in 6 months. He hasn't missed me or anything....meanwhile I am still in love with him. I really feel like I am going to die.


Then why put yourself through that? Just don't see him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

I agree, this is so awful. Last year, I got the I love you but not in love with you speech two days before Christmas, now here it is again. Shopping alone, wrapping alone, sleeping alone. It stinks. I miss my husband. Chest pain, tears, over eating, sleeping too much. BUt we can get through it, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I am so lucky to have family, friends and kids to help.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

So sorry you're going through this especially during the holiday season. My wife of nearly seven years told me she wasn't happy, was out of love, did not see herself growing old with me... I could add to the list. We're living together for now, she's sleeping in the guest room and we we will be spending Christmas Eve and Day apart. To cope, I'm trying to focus on what I have i my life instead of the person I'm losing, and taking things a moment at a time. 

In our case, we drifted apart. There was a lack of communication. Now she says it's just too late. I am not sure how I will go on without her. Thoughts of rebuilding my life, rebooting my social life, living in this big house alone (no kids)... it's a massive weight on my shoulders, but as I said, one moment at a time.

I wish you strength and hang in there. Know that you're not the only one going through this.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

I am sorry for all of us that have either been treated like dead wood or have had to remove dead wood. It's painful.

I am absolutely alone this Xmas but I have no expectations (no disappointments then) and really I have everything I need.

I did have one little tiny step backward and it was daydreaming my ex knocks on my door and explains everything and then it got a little fuzzy. Hope is a dangerous tool at times.

Don't see your ex, coddle yourself and when you have thoughts of the ex replace them with a song or mantra, or prayer. Keep doing this to help yourself. Life will get better.

Remember most of us have everything we need, not want, need. Remember your blessings just keep thinking of the good in your life. Re-focus your mind.

Warm wishes to all.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

This is the worst I've felt in a long time. Slept till noon yesterday, probably would have today, but I have to go get my kids. I will try really hard for them, but I've been crying and crying since a week ago. Made it through the anniversary (had a Christmas-time wedding), but I am not doing well. I'm raw and on the edge of tears constantly. At least I have a few days off right now and I have my kids. I need to focus on what I have and be grateful. As Sparkles said, we all have what we need and we should be grateful for that. Gotta remember that. Also, I never have to do this again for the first time. That's something to be grateful for, too.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Thanks everyone. What hurts is knowing he is right down the road having fun and laughing with all his family. I used to be apart of that family and I really miss it. I haven't felt this bad in a couple months. I don't understand why he is so happy and doesn't want me anymore it just doesn't make any sense to me. I cry when I get up in the morning and when I go to bed at night. Often during the day when something triggers it and oh my has Christmas been a big trigger. I don't know why it has to be this way. I haven't done any shopping or participated in anything holiday related. Tonight I have to work so that covers xmas eve but I have no idea how I am going to hold back the tears tomorrow morning in front of my family, or at dinner, I really don't think I will go to xmas dinner it just seems unbearable.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Do you have a support team? This is critical especially during the holidays? I think you should turn to family and friends and avoid being alone. read the 180 rules to help gain perspective and strength for yourself.

This is really tough, I know, but there are better days ahead and we all need to focus on making us heathy and strong.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Sparkles is right: re-focus your mind. You are giving all your power to a man who no longer has your best interests at heart. Concentrate on you, on what you want. Develop new interests and hobbies. Remember who you were before you met stbxh. You are torturing yourself by allowing another person to be the cause of your happiness. Love yourself!


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

I'm with you all.

I've been crying all day and yesterday too. I am alone, no family (mine is in New Zealand) and sad.

It sucks. I quit my career, my house, my friends, my family and my life in NZ to move to the US for a man who left me 12 yrs later.

I don't feel so lucky this year.


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## cyan (Dec 4, 2011)

Me too. This has been the worst Christmas ever. I wonder if the tears and sadness ever end. I don't like the holidays anymore...



brokenbythis said:


> I'm with you all.
> 
> I've been crying all day and yesterday too.  I am alone, no family (mine is in New Zealand) and sad.
> 
> ...


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## Void (Dec 25, 2011)

A great piece of advice someone gave me was just try and get through the next 5 min. Don't worry about the whole holidays, just take it in small amounts of time. If you are in a bad place and upset just think of getting through 5 min. 

My husband and I just separated 1 month ago and it's over (he had an affair). I just try and remind myself this is just one awful Christmas in my lifetime. I walked out of a family gathering yesterday because it was too much for me and I explained and left and was so happy I made that choice to put myself first.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

((Hugs))) to all of you who are hurting.
I agree, just focus on getting through the next 5 minutes if that is all you can do. Sometimes baby steps are what need to be taken.

Last year at this time H & I were still together but I remember it was not a good Christmas. A lot of tears and fighting. I have been dreading the holidays all year but now that they are here I am actually ok, dare I say at peace with everything.

You WILL get through this, and you are not alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

I made the mistake of actually moving back in with my family and WW for the holidays just to see what could be repaired, looking for hope, and of course to spend some quality time with my kids. My wife is going through a Midlife crisis and kicked me out 7 months ago. Anyway, things have changed. Just watching her going out with "friends" and coming back at 2 in the morning drunk and roughed up looking was enough to tell me that my 16 year marriage is definitely over. She's moved on to "happy single life". It's rough but telling... needing to move on and remove all hope in saving what was once a beautiful marriage. I hope all you out there are dealing with the pain better than I am. I'm feeling stronger each day and I cry less and less but still this is going to hurt for a long, long time.

I pray not only for myself but for all of you as well. I'm sorry this is happening to us. Doesn't seem fair and it's not but we will all survive and make better lives for ourselves in the end. Bless you all.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

WhyinSC said:


> I made the mistake of actually moving back in with my family and WW for the holidays just to see what could be repaired, looking for hope, and of course to spend some quality time with my kids. My wife is going through a Midlife crisis and kicked me out 7 months ago. Anyway, things have changed. Just watching her going out with "friends" and coming back at 2 in the morning drunk and roughed up looking was enough to tell me that my 16 year marriage is definitely over. She's moved on to "happy single life". It's rough but telling... needing to move on and remove all hope in saving what was once a beautiful marriage. I hope all you out there are dealing with the pain better than I am. I'm feeling stronger each day and I cry less and less but still this is going to hurt for a long, long time.
> 
> I pray not only for myself but for all of you as well. I'm sorry this is happening to us. Doesn't seem fair and it's not but we will all survive and make better lives for ourselves in the end. Bless you all.


So sorry! I can relate. The MLC is something they fool themselves and throw out all the great years before. Can't see the forest for the trees. It is just a faze that the future may cause them to look back and realize how foolish and damaging they were during this period.

My BIL had his MLC and bought a VET, then was over it. My WAW trashed our marriage, I wish she would have pushed for the VET or similiar instead.


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