# Married 3 months and having problems



## Husband7 (Jan 3, 2015)

I have only been married 3 months and I'm already having problems. I'm 27 years old and have been with my wife for 8 years. We just recently got married 3 months ago. After we got married my wife quit her job because she didn't like it. She has not tried looking for a job and she does not do anything around the house while I work at least 50 hours a week to pay all our bills. She is the love of my life but lately I feel like she just lays on the couch all day and does nothing and I don't know what to do. Has anyone else had this situation where after you get married your wife or husband quits their job and doesn't do anything? And what did you do to get through to them?


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## Deep Down (Jun 21, 2014)

Did you two discuss what your life plans are before you married? Does your wife have a careeer? Aspirations? Or the other thing, do you think she could be depressed?


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

No. I would ask the same questions Deep Down did.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

You've been with her for 8 years - does this seem out of character for her? Is she depressed? 

Did she tell you she'd be quitting her job? Assuming she did, what did she say her plans were for finding another job?

If you haven't talked about this, you absolutely should as soon as possible. Find out what's going on with her. Ask her what her plans are. Offer to help if you can, maybe with her resume or something. If she is vague on her answers, tell her that you didn't expect to be supporting an unemployed person who refuses to look for a job, and that this is not the kind of marriage you planned for nor want to have. Wake her up!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Eating mac n cheese 7 days a week and having the cable turned off is a start.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Do you have children? If so then she should stay home and be a Mom, if not then she should find something else to do with her time, whether she gets paid or not. In the meantime you continue to work and support your household like a man is suppose to do. It's only been 3 months, don't panic, it's not a major problem unless you can't live on just your income.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you talked to her about the situation? How does she respond? 

C


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Man, she thinks she's hit the "lottery!" Now, she can just sit back and permit you to spoil and indulge her. Why should she work, when she can let you do it all? I think you may have made a mistake in marrying this lady. Might be time to bail.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Husband7 said:


> I have only been married 3 months ... After we got married my wife quit her job because she didn't like it. She has not tried looking for a job and she does not do anything around the house while I work at least 50 hours a week to pay all our bills.


She may be, what you call, the "love of your life" but I doubt you like her, much less respect her.

So she quit her job because she didn't "like" it? WTF??? In this economy, jobs are scarce. Heck, I don't like my job but it puts food on the table and a roof over my head.

She isn't even looking for a job she might possibly like. Why should she? You are her meal ticket.

Granted, this very well may be depression, but she can see a doctor and/or counselor for help with that ... AND hold a job.

So how long are you going to put up with this b.s.? 

Sorry if I sound cynical, but in the past few days, TAM has been inundated with new people, some of whom have eerily similar problems. If you are a legitimate poster, you will respond or be interested in getting feedback on how to possibly improve your situation.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

thummper said:


> Man, she thinks she's hit the "lottery!" Now, she can just sit back and permit you to spoil and indulge her. Why should she work, when she can let you do it all? I think you may have made a mistake in marrying this lady. Might be time to bail.


If they had only been together a little while, this would be more understandable to me. I'm not saying you're wrong, though. 

C


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## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

Husband7 said:


> After we got married my wife quit her job because she didn't like it.


Your wife quit her job because she finally snagged her meal-ticket (you).

Avoid getting this woman pregnant, or you'll be paying for her to sit on the couch for the next 18+ years.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

I'll be the sex dropped off too. Am I right?


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## Husband7 (Jan 3, 2015)

She does have depression which she takes medication for. She also has a chronic illness which causes her fatigue but I know she can do more than nothing. We do not have any children. She always says she wants to do something helping people but she never looks for anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Are there any children between the two of you?

Have you talked to her and told her how you feel about this?

What % of the joint income did she earn before she quit her job?

If you are having to work overtime to make up for her lost income, this is really bad.

Is she depressed? Does she enjoy doing the things that she used to do? If she is, try to get her motivated to deal with the depression.


You need to have a talk with her and tell her that the deal when you married her is that she works. So she needs to find a job.

If she is not suffering from depression, tell her that without her income you have to start cutting things. Cut off cable, cell phone (hers) down the very minimum as she needs it to job hunt.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

I've worked in the same organization for straight 25 years. Many of my colleagues have depression issues, on medication, and are still working. Our paid positions are called jobs because none of us will like to work for free. It is called work because there are many aspects of the job that we don't like. 

Your wife is not trying at all. You have been with her for 8 years and she was working. Suddenly she quits, after you married her, because she doesn't like her job. You don't have any children. You are her meal ticket. Look closely at the love of your life and see if this is the woman that you would like to live with until you get old. She is not a partner in your marriage, but a log to be dragged around. If you are not depressed now, you will be in the future. Your choice.


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## Deep Down (Jun 21, 2014)

Husband7, if this is causing you concern you need to speak with her about it.

Getting married is a big step and sometimes it affects people in different ways. After my first marriage, I lost my spark entirely, felt I'd lost my identity. It was only after a nasty road accident a few months later, that I appreciated being alive again! Your wife may have had some unexpected side effects like I did.

Or she may be using you as a meal ticket as others have suggested. 

So you can speculate with us as much as you like or ask her about it. Make sure she feels safe to tell you what's going on in her mind, before you get really resentful. It's important, if you want to stay married for a long time, that you build those communication channels now. Have a good talk about what you both want to do in life, whether you want children, all those things, and most importantly, what you each expect the other to contribute. So many people DON'T have these conversations, and blindly assume the other agrees with them. Get it clear now.


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## Pinche Culero (Jan 5, 2015)

Was there something stressful going on at her former place of employment that could have caused her to quit?


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

Husband7 said:


> She does have depression which she takes medication for. She also has a chronic illness which causes her fatigue but I know she can do more than nothing. We do not have any children. She always says she wants to do something helping people but she never looks for anything.i
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Has the depression or fatigue gotten worse? What did she say before quitting her job?


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