# Wife wants a nice-ish car



## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

But she's really not a responsible driver or car-owner. Without going into unnecessary detail, she has a few recent tickets for a handful of different violations, and she gets in a significant at-fault accident every 2 or 3 years. Leaves lights on > battery dies, no desire to learn how to jump car, leaves e-brake off.

These are accidents and not intentional, but the part that really gets at me is that her car is disgusting inside an out, she makes no effort to care for it or keep it clean. She is a neurotically clean person when it comes to the house, which is why the car is so baffling.

I am really not comfortable investing in a nicer car when that time comes. I have gently and not so gently pointed out these concerns over the years, and she usually gets defensive. I treat cars as a capital asset, an investment. She treats them as consumables.

She may feel entitled to something nice because we have 3 cars - toyota convertible, honda sedan and hyundai suv. 'hers' is the SUV - she wanted one for herself. I bought the convertible for 8000 and paid it off in two years with my own resources. I sense she feels entitled to a nice car because I have one, even though it is worth 1/3 of her suv. 

Anyone else find themselves in a similar situation? I'm sure this situation makes me seem domineering - but in our marriage I am responsible for finance and risk (at her insistence), so I need to do the responsible thing.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I would just explain to her where you are coming from.

Will she help pay for it if she wants a nicer one?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I'm confused.

does she work? If not was it agreed upon by both that she would not contribute finanicaly to the family. do you make a but ton of money where this isn't even an issue if so just buy her what she wants.


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> I would just explain to her where you are coming from.
> 
> Will she help pay for it if she wants a nicer one?


Really wouldn't be a matter of her or me paying for it as our incomes are similar. I could propose that she cuts out some of her personal stuff but there really isn't much in the budget that is really hers or mine - most of our discretionary spending is home improvements, vacations, and of course vehicles. 

So if I were to oblige her and buy a nicer car, say at 10k more than I think we should reasonably spend, there is no way to offset that 10k equitably - it would just sit there and bother me. And then increased cost of ownership with a premium brand, etc...


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

chillymorn said:


> I'm confused.
> 
> does she work? If not was it agreed upon by both that she would not contribute finanicaly to the family. do you make a but ton of money where this isn't even an issue if so just buy her what she wants.


We both work and will likely always both work in some capacity, and we make about the same at this moment.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

I would explain to her the financial reasons for not driving a luxury car and if she brings up you owning a second car, remind her of the value and explain how its basically your hobby and it was paid with your own resources (im assuming a side business or you sold other assets) if she wants to give up hobbies or other expenses to come up with the extra $10k then she can have a luxury car, other wise there is no reason or need for her to have one. And if she cant then its not an option.

i would not bring up the issue of a dirty car, its her can she can treat it how she likes, if you want to leave trash in either of your cars you could too. and i would not hold her knowledge or lack there of against her, just because she cant change a flat or change the oil doesnt have anything to do with owning a luxury car. Thats like saying if you havent been to chef school you arent allowed to cook fancy meals, you can only cook mac n cheese.

In summary: focus on the financial aspect and try to figure out WHY she feels she needs, wants or is somehow entitles to a luxury car. If she cant come up with a good reason than she shouldn't buy one. If she has a legitimate reason thats fine, but chances are she will say something like "i want one just because" or "well you two avg cars so i get one luxury car" in which case remind her of how that second car was paid for and how its not your go to work vehicle and is an investment/hobby.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Tell her ladies who treat their cars like a 16 year old teenager would and drive up insurance costs with their poor decisions don't deserve nice luxury vehicles.

Seriously,how hard is it to drive defensively and remember to turn your lights off??

I think if she wants a nicer car she needs to make the sacrifices to offset the costs of the nicer car.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

maverick23 said:


> So if I were to oblige her and buy a nicer car, say at 10k more than I think we should reasonably spend, there is no way to offset that 10k equitably - it would just sit there and bother me. And then increased cost of ownership with a premium brand, etc...


I don't miss being married. 

Sorry, I know, off-topic, but when I read some of these threads, I remember.

Carry on.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

So if you both work and make the same amount of money why would you have to buy her a car? Does she need your permission and if so did you get hers to buy the convertible? Do you control the finances? Trying to get a feel for the dynamic in your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> So if you both work and make the same amount of money why would you have to buy her a car? Does she need your permission and if so did you get hers to buy the convertible? Do you control the finances? Trying to get a feel for the dynamic in your marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Without going into a tangent, I pretty much control the finances because she has no want or desire to learn about lending, debt, insurance, retirement, tax, etc. and I am very comfortable with all of that. Basically we share the same big goals - for new ideas she brings what she wants to discussion and I tell her how realistic it is, what it would take, and how that impacts other areas, and then we make joint decisions.

Buying cars are joint decisions - I bought the convertible before we were married because it made sense and I wanted one and it cost her nothing. After marriage, she bought an SUV because she wanted one - knowing that made it more realistic for me to get the convertible. We bought the sedan last year, as we needed another vehicle that was a practical commuter and could haul future kids.

To put this problem in context, she inexplicably pulled the trigger on her current SUV while she was shopping with her mom in tow. She wants a new nicer car eventually, and it is currently on the table because her car is front wheel drive and she intended to buy a 4wd SUV but came home with a front wheel (how did this happen? she asked the salesman "so I can take this up into the mountains" ? - "yes"). I knew it was front as soon as I saw it, and I assumed she knew that as well. It was a full year later when she found out that it wasn't 4wd.... apparently she thought SUVs were 4wd by definition.... 

Now, she wants an MDX. So, yeah...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Go to an Acura dealership and buy an MDX decal, then slap it on the back of her Hyundai.

Done.


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Don't do it.


No **** sherlock!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

maverick23 said:


> No **** sherlock!


Ha! Edited my post after you'd quoted it.

But yeah, don't do it. Like you said (paraphrasing)...

"Duuuuuh."


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I would say it outright.

"I can't agree to us getting you a new car considering how badly you treat carts".


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

maverick23 said:


> Without going into a tangent, I pretty much control the finances because she has no want or desire to learn about lending, debt, insurance, retirement, tax, etc. and I am very comfortable with all of that. Basically we share the same big goals - for new ideas she brings what she wants to discussion and I tell her how realistic it is, what it would take, and how that impacts other areas, and then we make joint decisions.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Ok, I get why you would handle the finances. Having said that I submit to you that it's not healthy because it shields her from the realities of running your life. She doesn't have to think about finances and as such is reduced to a little kid when she wants something, so you now have your wife essentially pouting like a kid whose daddy won't buy her something. Very bad for the marital dynamic. I mean, I do our taxes but hubby looks at them; I pay most of the bills but he still knows what they look like. Has she seen your insurance payments because she has accidents? I'm not sure how clean she keeps her car is really your concern but she needs to be more involved in finances so she can see the reality of her demands. .I get the feeling that your wife is someone that's basically shielded from the consequences of her actions and views you as the big meanie that won't buy her stuff.
I might get her a car with automatic daytime lights so she can't forget to shut them off.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I have nothing constructive to add, but will say that I would be hesitant to spend big $$ on an item my partner would most likely not take care of and had a long history of being irresponsible about.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Its one thing if you don't have the money, but it really wouldn't bother me if I bought my wife a car and she didn't baby it like I do mine. Its hers after all. She can do with it whatever she pleases, as her husband I see it as my job to keep it running and make sure its safe. Other than that I don't really care. 

I don't know, there are issues worth fighting over, this one seems fairly tame to me. I'd let it go. Especially if it makes her happy and its not that big of an expense to you.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Work on her getting defensive when you bring up real issues.

That's your primary concern.....don't even talk cars until she improves on above!


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Ok, I get why you would handle the finances. Having said that I submit to you that it's not healthy because it shields her from the realities of running your life. She doesn't have to think about finances and as such is reduced to a little kid when she wants something, so you now have your wife essentially pouting like a kid whose daddy won't buy her something. Very bad for the marital dynamic. I mean, I do our taxes but hubby looks at them; I pay most of the bills but he still knows what they look like. Has she seen your insurance payments because she has accidents? I'm not sure how clean she keeps her car is really your concern but she needs to be more involved in finances so she can see the reality of her demands. .I get the feeling that your wife is someone that's basically shielded from the consequences of her actions and views you as the big meanie that won't buy her stuff.
> I might get her a car with automatic daytime lights so she can't forget to shut them off.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Its on the list. Baby steps... she has some knowledge of THAT things have consequences, but not so much on the when why and how.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think you're wrong to deny your wife's wishes for an upgraded car based on how messy her's is, or how many tickets or "lights left on" issues she has. That's treating her like your child. 

I think you're right in telling her "this is what we can afford. Find a vehicle that you like in this budget". She's asked you to be CFO, so so it. But do it fairly. 

Btw... Newer vehicles often have automatic headlight features... 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

With depreciation, I wouldn't consider a car an investment.

It does sound like she's being treated like a child. If you can afford it as a family, and it's a joint decision, so be it. If you're not comfortable with the spend because of cost (and not the condition she keeps her car), then that's for you to both be across. Then again, I couldn't imagine leaving the finances for my husband to manage and not have us both be actively involved and included.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

sell the frigin SUV, that she is probably incompetent to handle anyway, get her a nice little performance car with a full set of airbags and blind spot monitors, and she will probably do better.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> With depreciation, I wouldn't consider a car an investment.


Car is by far one of the worst (if not THE worst) investment anyone can make.

Especially when you get a new one every 2-3 years like most folks seem to do. What a waste, but companies love it.

All of my cars are 13+ years (3 of them to be exact) and I don't even want to think about a new car.....meh. 

Mind you, I'm a HUGE car enthusiast too. 

I like to keep them as long as possible until it no longer makes sense to own.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I have to agree with DoF unless you have $millions to spend on true premium classics or the time and ability to carry out a high quality restoration then cars are at best a slowly depreciating asset.

ATM we are running 4 vehicles, newest to oldest:

My wife's company minibus (bought as 3 years old had a year so far).

Our Family MPV (bought as 5 years old had it two so far).

My daughters first car (bought as 10 years old last September).

My little MX5 Miata (bought at 22 years old 3 years ago).

The only one of those I could sell for more than I paid for it is the MX5 but it would still owe me for what I have spent on it whilst I have owned it.

I have never and will not put my self in debt for a car, it is not worth it.


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## Tmj4477 (May 3, 2014)

I really hope that you are BOTH making car payments because if not and she is paying for her own car you are being an arse. Tell her if she maintains HER car in a way YOU don't like then she'll pay for it and the upkeep herself. Simple


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## Tmj4477 (May 3, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Its one thing if you don't have the money, but it really wouldn't bother me if I bought my wife a car and she didn't baby it like I do mine. Its hers after all. She can do with it whatever she pleases, as her husband I see it as my job to keep it running and make sure its safe. Other than that I don't really care.
> 
> I don't know, there are issues worth fighting over, this one seems fairly tame to me. I'd let it go. Especially if it makes her happy and its not that big of an expense to you.


Thank you this just seems petty. I don't keep my car as pristine as my husband but I make the payments and I maintain it.


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## ChessMa (Apr 15, 2014)

maverick23 said:


> but the part that really gets at me is that her car is disgusting inside an out, she makes no effort to care for it or keep it clean. She is a neurotically clean person when it comes to the house, which is why the car is so baffling.


I once had a boyfriend who was probably as baffled as you are. After being in my car many times and finally coming to my house, he stated, "They always say a woman who has a junky car always keeps a clean house." I had never heard the statement before, but he was trying to explain away my awful car - nice car but junkie inside. I don't know why I always kept a junkie car. I kept them clean outside, always going through the car wash, but keep a clean house. I think I was always trying to keep my life as convenient and within reach as possible since I worked so much.

Anyway, I have a very big problem with your post. Your wife is not your child. If she wants a car, then the two of you should work out the financial logistics. It's not up to you to judge her worthiness. Whether she keeps it clean or not is up to her since it is HER car. If she junks up YOUR car, THEN you have the right to make a decision to bar her from YOUR car.

Plus, you are trying to factor the financial responsibility by weighing it against her worthiness (of not keeping her car clean), which makes no sense at all. Either the two of you can afford to get her a car or you cannot afford it. The decision has nothing to do with cleanliness or whether you think she is deserving.

If she is not a responsible driver, then ask her to go to driving school or you can give some pointers (if she will be receptive). If you don't think she can drive and will have accidents in her new car, then separate yourself from the responsibility and have her get her own insurance policy. She cannot insist that you carry the burden of her accidents. She's a grown woman and doesn't need daddy's approval to buy herself a car and because she is a grown woman, she is accountable for her own actions.


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## Happyfamily (Apr 15, 2014)

maverick23 said:


> she intended to buy a 4wd SUV but came home with a front wheel (how did this happen? she asked the salesman "so I can take this up into the mountains" ? - "yes"). I knew it was front as soon as I saw it, and I assumed she knew that as well. It was a full year later when she found out that it wasn't 4wd.... apparently she thought SUVs were 4wd by definition....


Cars are not investments. This is the worst mistake families make in managing their finances. 

... and this is about the level of thinking people seem to put into it. Likewise, we hear people claiming repair bills on older cars are extraordinary. 

A couple can be putting the money into a tax sheltered investment. Take round numbers, like $10,000 a year in car payments. (Just over $400 each per month). If you are in a 25% tax bracket, you have to earn $13,333 per year in order to pay taxes on the income as well as your car payment.

If instead you took that $13,300 and put it into tax sheltered annuities, your taxes Would actually fall by about $3,000 per year along with racking up a huge investment portfolio. In five years at 5% you would have $74K in the bank. The reduction in taxes is enough to spend several thousand a year on repair and maintenance for an older car. 

If you add in the fact you have to pay collision insurance too, but can invest that money instead if you have an older car then it is more like $80K in five years and more than twice that in ten years if this is a way of life for you - making car payments. 

I apparently just got people angry by pointing this out on the finance page and had people telling me all kinds of ridiculous stuff. I have two subarus that are exactly the same except one is a stick shift and one is automatic. The total cost for both of them was $2,700. My insurance is $13 a month instead of more than ten times that amount and have spent close to zero on maintenance and repairs. 

This isn't theory. I am watching our investment accounts grow, and can hardly believe my eyes. Yet, we are living on one income. A huge part of this is the fact we make no car payments, have such low insurance, and put money in tax sheltered investments.


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

My wife does not keep her car near as organized as mine. So what I do is once a week, I clean it out. I actually put gas in it 99% of the time - I take it to get it washed - keep it maintained. All she does is drive it. 

Not sure I get this post? It's almost as if your trying to make an excuse for not buying a new car. To me - if you really think that it is a waste of money - then just say so. I lived up north in the snow for 14 years of my life - one does NOT need 4 wheel drive to survive - front wheel does perfectly fine - actually, I used to see way more four wheel drive cars in the ditch than any other car because 4 wheel drive does not help you stop any better and has no effect on steering when you’re on ice - and actually can be a detriment.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Maybe what you ought to do is have her take a few classes in economics and get her more involved in what it takes to run a household.

I had that problem with my first wife. Her and her sister used to call their older sister who lived across the country and my long distance bill was mind blowing and finally I said that they cant keep doing this because it cost too much and they both said, "The business pays of it" (I was self employed at the time) and I said to them, "you think there's some guy out there roaming around with a suitcase full of money named Mister Business and he hands me a wad of cash when I need it?" 

I can write the phone bills of as an expense come April 15th but I still had to pay for it.

Get her involved and you can avoid problems like this in the future.


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

lots of anger here....

Most folks seem to be gravitating towards the cleanliness, and the investment comment. When I say investment, I mean something you will sell at a later date. They don't appreciate, but you can control the slope of depreciation if you are savvy and responsible. She got a horrible deal on her trade on when she bought her last car, and she had driven that car for many years before I had known her.

The cleanliness in my eyes isn't a reason to not be OK with a nice car, but it reflects her attitude that cars are dispensable things. That is just a contributing factor - the main factor being driving skills and lack of attention paid.

The real surprise here is how many folks assume separate finances. We live in a community property state, and all of our funds flow through our joint account. As I mentioned, our incomes are similar so no inequity there. They way we look at it, a car is a joint spending decision that requires both of us to forgo benefits. This is a good system of checks and balances EXCEPT with respect to the car, where it comes down to differing values on how to be responsible consumers and drivers.

In our state, it is not legal to carry separate insurance possibilities, so I cannot insulate myself from the costs of her driving habits, and in my eyes, it is costing us money that we should be able to avoid paying, if she can find motivation to see the value in doing this. Growing up, her parents didn't instill any responsibility in her in this area, so me treating her like a child is a matter of practicality - that's on her parents, not me.

If she doesn't find the value, then I need to find a way to communicate to her that her buying a luxury SUV will increase our costs exponentially, which is a delicate subject, hence my original question.


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## Happyfamily (Apr 15, 2014)

maverick23 said:


> lots of anger here....


Oh really? I haven't seen a word spoken in anger on this thread. 



> When I say investment, I mean something you will sell at a later date. They don't appreciate, but you can control the slope of depreciation if you are savvy and responsible.


It is a capital asset. So is a washing machine. But we don't call washing machines "investments". They called them consumer durables in my economics classes. 

By far the best control you have over depreciation is buying an older car. If you buy a new one it is going to lose close to 20% the instant you drive it off the lot. Mine has depreciated by about a hundred dollars in the last four years. lol.



> I need to find a way to communicate to her that her buying a luxury SUV will increase our costs exponentially, which is a delicate subject, hence my original question.


This is just math, so I am baffled by this. You know how to use a spreadsheet, right?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I will as a general rule never buy a car off the lot.

Why would I when I can pick up twice the car that's 1 year old for the same price, with low miles and still on warranty...

Best investment advice I've ever heard: don't invest in depreciating assets.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Being a clean car fanatic - is it sad I see the OP's POV? If both have their money funding the vehicles it does affect OP. And of course cars depreciate, but a clean car depreciates far less than a disaster car. If wife likes new cars every few years, it does matter that the car isn't as decent as it can be. I don't know. If the old SUV only few years old and mechanically decent I wouldn't go for a new car with that spouse either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> Being a clean car fanatic - is it sad I see the OP's POV? If both have their money funding the vehicles it does affect OP. And of course cars depreciate, but a clean car depreciates far less than a disaster car. If wife likes new cars every few years, it does matter that the car isn't as decent as it can be. I don't know. If the old SUV only few years old and mechanically decent I wouldn't go for a new car with that spouse either.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know that most cars are washable, right? So you can wash it before you put pic up on the Interweb and stuff to sell it?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

PBear said:


> You know that most cars are washable, right? So you can wash it before you put pic up on the Interweb and stuff to sell it?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh really? Gee I didn't know that. Even detailing can't get rid of some carelessness including dings, scratches and some interior stains. Sounds like she is capable of being clean, so if she wasn't acting like a petulant child, maybe he wouldn't treat her like one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

While the debate about cars' value is interesting, can we re-focus here? I'm looking for advice navigating the situation and getting to a point where we are on the same page, without explicitly belittling her and treating her like a teenager. Thanks in advance!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

maverick23 said:


> While the debate about cars' value is interesting, can we re-focus here? I'm looking for advice navigating the situation and getting to a point where we are on the same page, without explicitly belittling her and treating her like a teenager. Thanks in advance!


Valid point

Honey, I would love for you to get a new car but I think there is couple of areas you need to work on before we both agree to it. I think these are great compromises and if you can prove to me that you are willing to address these, I would love for you to get a new car.

Your lack of knowledge about cars is a bit concerning to me. You should know basic maintenance things like checking oil and tire pressure. Not only because it's important to keep the car running well, but also a safety issue. I would love to show you these things. If you can get into a habit of making sure these things are done on bi monthly basis that would be great.

Another big concern is your safety. I love you and want to make sure you don't get hurt and also not damage the car. It would go a long way if you can show me that you can be a responsible driver. How about accident and ticket free for 1-2 years (or whatever you feel the timeline should be OP)

Also, it would go a long way if you can keep your car clean. It seems like it's always filthy and tells me that you have very little care for it. I would hate to see a brand new car treated this way.

If she is willing to address these things, she can have the car she wants *(ONLY if you guys can afford it of course)*. If you guys can't swing it financially, I would strongly recommend that the compromises would be adjusted to financial savings and THEN what's above.

You can also throw her a curve ball and ask to get a new car yourself (or pretend to)

Which can/or might ultimately put you over the edge on the financial hurtle). 

:scratchhead:


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## Happyfamily (Apr 15, 2014)

Bait and switch:



maverick23 said:


> in our marriage I am responsible for finance and risk (at her insistence), so I need to do the responsible thing.


So you start with the premise that you are responsible for finance and risk, and need to do the responsible thing with money, saying you view cars as investments...



> While the debate about cars' value is interesting, can we re-focus here? I'm looking for advice navigating the situation and getting to a point where we are on the same page, without explicitly belittling her and treating her like a teenager.


... then say pretty much the opposite, that the entire point about finance, risk, and responsible "investing" of money isn't what you want to talk about at all. :scratchhead: 

I already asked you if a spreadsheet is something you know how to use, which is precisely the tool that treats her as an adult, looking at the exact financial data divorced from any emotion or belittling. You not only ignored that, but belittled it. 

So there is some other purpose to you starting this thread.


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

Happyfamily said:


> Bait and switch:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


As I referenced in my last post, yes, there is some other purpose to me starting this thread: I am asking for advice on navigating the situation. I'm not seeking investment advice. If you want to have a debate about these topics you are fixating on, by all means start that thread in the Finance section, but, respectfully, please try and stay on topic on this thread.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

maverick23 said:


> While the debate about cars' value is interesting, can we re-focus here? I'm looking for advice navigating the situation and getting to a point where we are on the same page, without explicitly belittling her and treating her like a teenager. Thanks in advance!


Consider your motive / intent. 

Is there room to negotiate and can there be an opportunity for you to both be on the same page?

Let go of any thoughts to win, prove yourself, put her down, or other such things. Instead have a conversation that can be mutually beneficial and safe. Remain open.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

maverick23 said:


> While the debate about cars' value is interesting, can we re-focus here? I'm looking for advice navigating the situation and getting to a point where we are on the same page, without explicitly belittling her and treating her like a teenager. Thanks in advance!


Ok, instead of the economics let's look at the sexonomics.

Is your wife "nice" enough to deserve a "nice" car?

Same goes for jewelry, expensive clothes, expensive furniture...

Just bought my wife a new (to us) car today.

Pretty high end, and at 1 year old still lots of $.

Because she's good to me and good to the marriage and sexes me up well and frequently.

I'm amazed at the amount of husbands that reward their shrewish wives with expensive pretty things... when they are being treated like crap.


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

marduk said:


> Ok, instead of the economics let's look at the sexonomics.
> 
> Is your wife "nice" enough to deserve a "nice" car?
> 
> ...


Respect.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'd be more amazed at the husbands that consider their wives need to be 'rewarded'.


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## Happyfamily (Apr 15, 2014)

maverick23 said:


> As I referenced in my last post, yes, there is some other purpose to me starting this thread: I am asking for advice on navigating the situation. I'm not seeking investment advice. If you want to have a debate about these topics you are fixating on, by all means start that thread in the Finance section, but, respectfully, please try and stay on topic on this thread.


Wow - you REALLY don't want to answer the question about whether you know how to use a spreadsheet. Talk about disrespectful - refusing to answer a question multiple times when you are here SOLICITING input from us. 

That already answers the question for me. But it is even more certain by seeing you pretend that I insist my own opinion be conveyed by spreadsheet instead of YOUR opinion conveyed by spreadsheet. I have offered use of spreadsheet as an_ analytical tool_. Literally a navigation tool. 

Disrespectful of your wife too - the implication that she is too stupid to understand a spreadsheet. My four year old is learning excel already.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

An MDX isn't exactly premium luxury. But it is nice-ish

Have you considered this? If she wants the MDX that much, why not trade in her SUV* and* the sedan. With an SUV the size of an MDX, you have ample room for your future growing family, as well as all the safety features of a modern semi-luxury vehicle. Who needs the sedan?

Also, if she doesn't put a lot of miles on the car, you might consider leasing. That way she gets a shiny new car every 3 years, and if she wrecks it it won't affect your trade-in value.


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

Right - not an outlandish car request, but it is more than we need. She (we) also wants to get a boat, because she grew up with one. And go on annual extravagant vacations, because she grew up with them. And go back to school, maybe. Plus having kids. And the mortgage....

Really, the conundrum is getting her to separate the emotions from the practicality. We've had objective conversations about the car, so I know she knows the financial impact, but for some reason she still has trouble adjusting her expectations towards our financials. Able, but not willing.

Spreadsheet guy - yes, I know how to use a spreadsheet - the bulk of my 50 head consulting firm's operational reports are in Excel, and we just built two assessment products with a Tableau back end. So, yeah, we're OK with spreadsheets. Please, respectfully, go away.


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

ThreeStrikes said:


> An MDX isn't exactly premium luxury. But it is nice-ish
> 
> Have you considered this? If she wants the MDX that much, why not trade in her SUV* and* the sedan. With an SUV the size of an MDX, you have ample room for your future growing family, as well as all the safety features of a modern semi-luxury vehicle. Who needs the sedan?
> 
> Also, if she doesn't put a lot of miles on the car, you might consider leasing. That way she gets a shiny new car every 3 years, and if she wrecks it it won't affect your trade-in value.


I need the sedan! I usually have a rough commute that is about 20 miles in heavy traffic, and since it is a hybrid, the gas savings are significant. It was a great choice. But, we need two vehicles that can haul a kid(s).


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

You get two cars, and she gets a crappy Hyundai SUV?

Hmm.....

You say the MDX is "more than you need". Yet you have two cars for yourself, and you're paying insurance on both....right?

Suck it up and lease her an MDX. She can make a mess on the inside, *and it doesn't matter. *She can wreck it, *and it doesn't matter.*

Does your wife have to buy clothes from Goodwill? Clothes...cars...they are all about self-confidence and looking your best. They are self-esteem boosters.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

marduk said:


> I will as a general rule never buy a car off the lot.
> 
> Why would I when I can pick up twice the car that's 1 year old for the same price, with low miles and still on warranty...
> 
> Best investment advice I've ever heard: don't invest in depreciating assets.


I heard this a long time ago as: don't take a loan out to purchase a depreciating asset.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

maverick23 said:


> She may feel entitled to something nice because we have 3 cars - toyota convertible, honda sedan and hyundai suv..


You have Japanese cars. When are you going to get a REAL car? I can see why your wife wants a nicer car now. What you have I wouldn't want either.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

ThreeStrikes said:


> You get two cars, and she gets a crappy Hyundai SUV?
> 
> Hmm.....
> 
> ...


Totally agree with ThreeStrikes. Seems like you are justifying yourself having extras in the name of practicalities, however your spouse does not deserve extras as she's not meeting your personal subjective criteria. This will not end well.

If you are dead set against upgrading her vehicle, I'm going to second the idea of explaining using a spread sheet and showing her exactly where the money is going and why you feel it's not feasible at this time. 

Lastly, to all the people here suggesting you should only "reward" a "nice" wife, WTF. So sexist. Half the income belongs to her. It's not a reward when it's her money too!


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

A car is not an investment unless its a well preserved classic. You should tell her that your family needs to save as much money as possible for the future. If you can't buy a car for cash and have 6 months savings left over then you can't afford it. If you already have three reliable/safe cars for two people then financing a new one for status purposes is nothing more than shallow stupidity. The fact that your wife doesn't help manage the finances has disconnected her from reality and she needs to grow up. You need to put your foot down on this one young man.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Tell her ladies who treat their cars like a 16 year old teenager would and drive up insurance costs with their poor decisions don't deserve nice luxury vehicles.
> 
> Seriously,how hard is it to drive defensively and remember to turn your lights off??
> 
> I think if she wants a nicer car she needs to make the sacrifices to offset the costs of the nicer car.


This exactly. With her driving habits, you guys are paying luxury car-level expenses for her already. She can drive better and reduce the ancillary expenses in order to get a luxury car, or she can carry on as always.

The point, simply said, is that there is a set amount in the family budget for your and her driving expenses. You stay within that budget, so should she.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

maverick23 said:


> But she's really not a responsible driver or car-owner. Without going into unnecessary detail, she has a few recent tickets for a handful of different violations, and she gets in a significant at-fault accident every 2 or 3 years. Leaves lights on > battery dies, no desire to learn how to jump car, leaves e-brake off.
> 
> These are accidents and not intentional, but the part that really gets at me is that her car is disgusting inside an out, she makes no effort to care for it or keep it clean. She is a neurotically clean person when it comes to the house, which is why the car is so baffling.
> 
> ...


I'd say "trade in the SUV" and make sure she budgets to have a detail shop clean it up a couple times a year. Also - if the insurance is high due to her accidents, and you somehow track money separately, she gets to pay the estmiated excess.

IMO, a Honda sedan IS a nice car - very nice - better handling than 75% of what else is out there, just the right toys without being ostentacious (sp?) about it.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)




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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

DustyDog, the original poster has not been on TAM for over 2 years.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

caruso said:


>


Not sure which is creepier... the picture you posted or your avatar. :grin2:


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

rockon said:


> DustyDog, the original poster has not been on TAM for over 2 years.


Weird - I look at the list of "recent discussions" to find things I would be interested in responding to...and yet I end up responding to things that are anything but recent!!!


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