# Talk about sex after?



## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

Ugh. One thing that really bothers me is my wife does not like to talk about sex after the fact. I on the other hand would live to talk to her about the previous nights activities. But she does not want to talk about the good or the bad of our sex life. Any input from the women would be helpful.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I think that is pretty common, really, at least in my experience. Women can be very uncomfortable talking about sex.

Have you told her what you wrote here and if so, what did she say?


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

I actually enjoy the " aftermath " and pillow talk after a very good session ........ if I can keep Joe awake long enough to chitchat


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Record yourselves during the act. Then go over the video and critique her. 

_"You see that? That's not how other girls do it. You really have to work on improving yourself in that area". _

Okay, seriously, positive reinforcement is the best way here. And you can do that during the act. You just saying things like, "Yeah, that's great!" Really emphasize your enjoyment of the things you want. Give slight direction, if you need to: "Oh, yeah! Up a bit. Oooh, yeah!" Don't be afraid to tell her what to do, either. Like, "Do ____ to me." And then, "Oh, yeah, you really turn me on when you do that." You need to be confident without being a jerk to give out directives without putting her off, though.

Contrary to my initial joking in this post, never give her the impression that she's bad at something. Most women do not want to talk about sex after the fact--other than to flirt and so forth--because that implies they're doing something you aren't happy with. You have to strike during the heat of the moment, but with as few words as possible. Just make stuff happen.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

omgitselaine said:


> I actually enjoy the " aftermath " and pillow talk after a very good session ........ if I can keep Joe awake long enough to chitchat


Elaine, you are a highly unusual woman. And, I mean that in the most positive of ways. I wish my wife was more open to discussing things of a sexual nature. :smthumbup:

Miss Scarlett, I did not know that this was common among women. I just assumed it was my wife. :scratchhead:


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I think it's true that most women don't want to talk about it but I'm usually the one that will send my husband a text commenting on any bedroom activities that occurred the night before. It's always positive, not a critique. We don't really talk about it directly after, we are falling asleep or he's leaving for work.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

It's very hard for some people to talk about sex in general, let along to discuss what you liked about last night.

You can help a lot. Instead of trying to get her to talk, just get her to agree of disagree. Say something like, "you seemed to really like it when I ___________, I know I loved your response at the time." And leave it at that. Another time you could say, "that was awesome when you ___________, could you tell how much that turned me on?

Once you make these little forays into sex talk a regular part of your communication you just confide in her that you would really like her to be more open about talking even though you understand she's uncomfortable. Then encourage her to take baby steps into talking.

You realize, I'm sure, that this is a process that will take a long time. No one wakes up one day and is able to throw off the inhibitions they were raised to guard. It takes time.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

Nope, wife is not a sex talker at all thanks to her Catholic upbringing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

NewHubs said:


> Nope, wife is not a sex talker at all thanks to her Catholic upbringing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But I'm Catholic wink wink ?? It was uncomfortable for me at first to share to discuss as well but slowly but surely with the help of my husband whom I trust very much. I've been able to open up more ummmm ........ so to speak ??!!

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

NewHubs said:


> Nope, wife is not a sex talker at all thanks to her Catholic upbringing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Same here.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

its near impossible to talk to my wife about sex too.

If I try initiate a discussion about fantasies/what I enjoyed/frequency its 99% gonna end in an argument or her angry on very least.

It's a bit tricky then to explore new sexual areas as it means you have to just do whatever new thing you'd like to try during a sex session.

It can leave one self doubting whether or not she is open to a particular thing and no way tp find out beforehand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Hey, hubby, you know that thing you fixed on the outside of the house last week? Yeah, thanks that was great. But, you know, I was thinking that if you'd done it this other way, it might have been better. Nothing wrong with your way, of course, it's just if you want to do it my way, then I would be happier. 

Fellas, if there's even a hint of ^that^ in what you're saying to your wives, then there's a reason they don't want to talk to you about sex afterward. There's a trick to making suggestions for next time not sound like Monday morning quarterbacking. A lot of people haven't mastered the trick. So, figure out a way to talk about sex without being critical - at all - of what just went on. Unless there was some sort of epic fail, stick to positive comments. Go slowly with encouraging more open discussion. Try to give gentle direction during the action. With something as personal, intimate and vulnerable as sex, most women don't enjoy an after-action report or a post-game analysis. They want praise and encouragement for what went right, not pointers on how to improve.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Have you tried making simple, more benign comments to start, like how last night was fun? Maybe you could ease her into it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We talk about sex quite often. Sometimes it's just acknowledging how good it was last time. Sometimes it's about something we want to try, and how to make that happen and fit it into the flow of things. It can also be about how to make something better for one of us in the future, or how to adapt something based on the circumstances of the moment, and occasionally about something that no longer works. She in particular is good at giving feedback and directions in the moment, if needed, or just taking charge to trigger her orgasm.

Thankfully, we have very little reticence or defensiveness discussing almost anything about sex, and it has made sex much better for us both. It has always been this way between us, so I can't offer suggestions on how to get to this kind of discussion.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I think it's probably easier for women to talk about sex when the sex is good. However, if there are any problems, that makes it much more difficult to talk about - not only is it hard to tell your man that what he's doing doesn't do it for you, it's also difficult to find the right words. My husband uses really graphic words for parts of the anatomy and I'm really uncomfortable with those words. However, I'm reluctant to use the words I am comfortable with for fear of him making fun of me for using them. My husband likes talking dirty on the few occasions when we do have sex and I find the language he uses very offputting. I try to reciprocate by talking dirty myself, but end up feeling like I'm in a porn film or something which just makes me feel even more uncomfortable with it. However, talking about the problems we're having sex-wise is very difficult for me. I have to be at the end of my tether to even initiate a discussion which results in us rarely having sex at all. In fact, I've now got to the point where our relationship is on such a platonic level that I feel uncomfortable being undressed in front of him and have taken to sleeping in pyjamas that cover everything.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

cruiser said:


> Ugh. One thing that really bothers me is my wife does not like to talk about sex after the fact. I on the other hand would live to talk to her about the previous nights activities. But she does not want to talk about the good or the bad of our sex life. Any input from the women would be helpful.


What happens if you take it through another form. For example I have found with some women they are a little more comfortable, for what ever reason, talking about it when not face to face. So for example after the deed you ask what did you like or not like about this and that can be intimidating. But if you wait till next day and text it .... what did you like about this and that maybe you will get a better response?

If they can't talk about it at all I would think that's a bit concerning.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

My wife is a live one.

She likes to say after we do it; "honey, I just love you inside of me.
I can't help it!"


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I am a woman, and I LOVE to talk about it afterward. Usually it's to tell him how sexy he was earlier. And still is


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## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

I have to laugh. I posted this last night after several drinks while watching Greys Anatomy with wifey. Got up this morning to email updates from TAM. I'm like WTF did I post, lol. 

I would never bring up a sex talk to tell her what she did wrong. Our last encounter involved me going soft just as she got on top, after her initiating, 😃. Well we went on for quite awhile doing other thing and she got hers, finally I became functional and we both finished. Soooo.... I would like to talk about my issue that night but also how awesome it wound up being and if she felt the same way. 
It's just frustrating that weather sex is good bad or indifferent she acts like it never happened the next day.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

My ex would never talk about sex, he is ND/LD.

I don't think it is a gender issue, I enjoy talking about sex and our sex life with Mr H. We often have little in jokes as well as talk about the sex we are going to have.
We read books about sex together in bed. We occasionally will check in with the other to make sure the other is happy with our sex life or sit out side in the evening with a bottle of red and chat about life, our relationship, sex, our future etc.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I think that it is only proper and fitting to cuddle with your spouse afterward to let them know exactly how absolutely great they were and just how exhilarating that their performance made you feel, inclusive of even the minutest details of how sexy or provocative that they looked or perhaps what it is that they did that might have literally sent you over the edge of the cliff into the proverbial orgasmic free-fall!

Conversely, when things were not that great in bed, greatly due to factors like fatigue or health, and without the least amount of blame; it is equally great to just cuddle with them and to kid and to lovingly laugh with each other about their sub-par performance. Just doing that preeminently comes from the heart and just makes them grow that much closer as a couple!

And looking back on it, I really would like to think that that's what love is all about!*


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Holland said:


> My ex would never talk about sex, he is ND/LD.
> 
> I don't think it is a gender issue, I enjoy talking about sex and our sex life with Mr H. We often have little in jokes as well as talk about the sex we are going to have.
> We read books about sex together in bed. We occasionally will check in with the other to make sure the other is happy with our sex life or sit out side in the evening with a bottle of red and chat about life, our relationship, sex, our future etc.


Neither would my ex.

My STBW and I talk about sex and our sex life a lot. Right afterwards, it's more of the general lovey dovey feelings, then after the after glow, more specifics, the next day more what we want to do, then we do it all over again. We are pretty much engaged in sexual play all the time. There is almost always a sexual undercurrent going on and the time we are not actually doing it is just foreplay for when we are.


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