# I need advice



## imdrowning (Aug 2, 2011)

My husband and I have been married for 6years. He has been in a depression and wont do anything but go to work and then come home lie in bed on the computer or on his phone. we have a 4yr old son who I know has been feeling the effects of this he begs for daddy to play with him and such. My husband will do pretty much nothing to help out around the house. we have had projects sitting here for years unfinished, he does not do any vehicle maintenance, yard work or even take out the garbage. This has started many fights. I have tried everything I can think of from sucking it up and doing it all to writing out lists that are ignored to going on strike nothing works!! Even when I was pregnant and very ill he still would not help with housework! our yard is a disaster since I cannot do it all and we have been sited by the city. I used to work the same shift as him which was not working well for my son and I switched to working weekends which I am gone 14hrs a day. He wont even let our dogs out when I am gone so I come home to clean up dog poop and the mess all over I cannot even lay down to try to get some sleep most of the time when I work I get about 2hrs a day. we do not really see each other much and when we are home together he ignores me and blames me for us having no time together due to changing shifts. I have tried to explain to him if he would get up in the morning and help me with stuff I would have more time to spend with him but he just yells at me then. He has had the opportunity to change his shift to one that would work better for our family but has chosen not too repetidtly. I am getting to the point that every time I look at him I feel disgusted and angry and I do not want to feel that way. I have thought of moving myself out of our bedroom into another room so that I can get some sleep and not have to live in the mess! I am trapped and have no where to go and no one to talk to. I have gone to a councilor before with the issue but it was at the county building and I always had to take our son with me because he would not wake up to watch him! He has told me that he wants more children which I do as well but I am so stressed with all that I have to take care of, and If my pregnancy would go like my previous one that would just add more problems. I feel like he has absolutely no respect for me and our son is getting to think that is ok. Can I please get some help!


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

You can either live with it or give an ultimatum.

If you give an ultimatum, you have to mean it or it won't do anything.

Write him an email or letter telling him your feelings and that you can't live in a one sided relationship. Tell him you want to be married to a responsible man, and at the moment he is behaving like a teenager, and it's very unnatractive. You feel you cannot trust him and he does not have your or your sons best interest at heart.

Tell him if he does not make major changes and stick with them, and go to counseling with you that you will have no choice but to divorce.

Whatever you do, do not have more children with him.


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## fastcablecar (Sep 8, 2011)

you should really give him an ultimatum and be firm with your decision, gather up strength from yourself and son because at one point you might just explode and thats not good for you and your son. Your husband is lazy for sure and being depress is not an excuse, he should be a husband and a father to your son and a friend, a partner in your relationship. Coming home to a messy house with dog poo while working 14 hours a day, i'd probably destroy a whole block after I explode  im OCD so i get more extra depression from that too  but seriously, I have no one to talk too as well, i came across this forums and im just bombing away my head lol... i have no friends who I can open up that can understand me.. anyway love yourself first, seriously give him an ultimatum, i did that to my husband and I always tell him I want a divorce coz im going nuts with all the mess no matter how much I clean and arrange everything, he still manages to put his used clothes on the floor as if we have a maid to pick up for him ugggh... and beside it is the laundry basket so it feels like he does it on purpose .. so enough about me going nuts, i hope all goes well with you and your husband.


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