# A year later and Im back, It's bad



## SecondChoice (Jan 16, 2014)

Hi Everyone,

I posted here about a year ago about my situation looking for advice, at the time I decided to remain in my marriage, I was 5 months pregnant and gave my husband a second chance. Our son is now 10 months old and I just found out that my husband is having an affair with his ex wife the mother of his three kids, I'm devastated and heart broken, I have not confronted him yet as I want to get my ducks in a row first. His ex wife is a woman who cheated on him though out their entire marriage, including taking her lovers to their house and having sex in their marital bed, she doesn't have a job, has been in jail, dates criminals and is nothing but trash, she has also alienated the children from us and is high conflict. She is one of those women obsessed by having kids and always wants more children ( she can't have any due to health issues) so she goes after man with babies or young kids to try to get their children, I have no doubts thats part of the reason she came after my husband now that we have a baby, she still feels entitled to him and all he has and I'm sure that means our baby too, she is and behaves like a sociopath. I don't know what to do. 

If I leave my husband he will have some sort of visitation and this woman may end up around my child. I also cannot trust my baby around my step children without me around, their behavior is awful and every weekend when we have them for visitation is terrible, my husband can't control them ( he parents by guilty) and the children have no rules or boundaries, the situation is so bad we can't even have furniture, they destroy everything, at the end of every visitation our house looks literally ransacked. They are also violent towards each other and think my baby is just another toy, I can't leave my baby alone not even to take a shower. It's a horrible situation, please any advice or how to proceed I would be really grateful. I think my husband is a sociopath as well so I don't want to let him know what I know without a plan. Please read my first post from a year ago to better understand my situation. Thank you in advance.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

SecondChoice, 

I'm sorry to see you back--not surprised, but really sorry that you are going through this at a time when you have such a young one. It must be extra exhausting to not only have to care for a baby but also have to deal with an affair. So you are in my prayers. 

Having said that I have two articles on my website that might be a fine "starting point: 1) Leaving an Abusive Spouse Checklist | AFFAIRCARE and 2) Domestic Violence Safety Plan | AFFAIRCARE

Now I do realize there is no domestic violence at this point, so I'm not suggesting there is. Rather, if you look at that page you'll see that there's a list of important documents to gather and some other "generally good ideas" regarding keeping yourself and your child safe. It's a place to start planning and getting your ducks in a row. I'd encourage you to actually DO SOMETHING every day, even though you may feel paralyzed with fear and sorrow. Do ONE THING every day to get closer and closer to your goal of leaving. 

Also I do suggest these steps:
1) Get tested for STDs. If he's sleeping with her and she's a skank...and then sleeping with you, heaven knows what he could be passing along. Better to find out now.

2) Get a separate bank account just for you. Even if it's just a little savings account that will at least be money he can not withdraw and take away.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Please document the way that his other kids treat your baby.

by pictures, sound, etc.

you should contact an attorney for help with protecting your baby.

The courts can require supervised visits.

Your attorney should be helpful in all this mess.

Do you have a family member where you can take your baby for safety? 

Be sure and save your evidence of his A somewhere safe and not in your house.

You can't fix the marriage by yourself. Let her H go back to her, she can cheat on him again. If he felt the pain of her A's, how can he not know about your pain?

Get some help quick, this is not a good situation.

Sorry you are still in a sad situation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

One thing that comes to mind is that you might be able to convince the court that supervised visitation is needed. But you will need evidence to back it up.

See if you can get a spy camera. They come hidden in stuffed toys, clock radios, light and electric sockets. Get some video of his being and their unruly behavior. If they are a danger to a small child it might be good to have.

Get a lawyer as soon as you can. Talk to the lawyer about the kind of evidence you need.

Do you have a relative or very good friend who you can trust to help you with your plan? If so ask if you can start using their mailing address for your own personal bank account and other stuff. If not, rent a PO box.

Also see if you can store your important papers and valuables at their place. If not rent a small storage space. When I did this I rented a small inside, climate controlled storage room. That way my papers and valuables were safe from damage. I had a table, shelves and a chair. That way I could go there and work on things. Open the mail from my mail box, etc.

Make sure you get copies of your husband's legal and financial papers. Copies of all back tax papers as well.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The first thing you need to do is document all the proof you have of any abuse in the household, by him, his ex, or their kids.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You need to D your Garbage Husband, and file for Separate custody---based on your H's history, and the people he associates with----also do you have out of state family---where H would not have access to your child----but no matter what 1st things 1st----dump him like yesterday


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I'm so sorry you're back, he is just horrible. And based on your description why oh why would he ever go back to her? Well, it does sound like they are making the perfect lying, cheating couple, doesn't it.

Follow the advice above and document everything. Courts love to have a paper trail to back up their decisions (or a video trail in this case).
Do you have a place to go? Employment? is there family near? Get all the support you could possibly use lined up before you make a move.


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