# The day has come which i wanted to avoid



## bandy (Jul 18, 2012)

Finally the day has come in my life...my husband has broken the silence and said he is prepared for divorce and he wants to get separated legally after 10 months of separation.
I wanted to be with him if he is atleast changed a bit understanding my problems and concerns.But always he points me and blames me for our failure.He doesnt even agree what pain he has caused to me all these months.
I always tried to make him realize this...but all went in vain.
He is seeing his own life..
He wants me if at all i agree that everything is my mistake and should convince him of being together..that is what he is expecting from me.He says i doesnt listen to him .He says if i listen to him he ll look after me well.
I always felt marriage is 2 way relation rather than wife always trying to bind the relation.
But i guess i should not lead my life with all such ethics and moralities.
I mean i really like him but why he is not seeing it.He is only bothered about his future and life.He just says all he wanted to say and if i started telling him about my concerns he either hangs up or tries to convince me that i am thinking in a wrong way and he is right..
I really am messed up with all my thoughts...I am not knowing if i am thinking in a wrong way.
I am worried how to lead a lonely life ...i have to start my career again earning...a new life again...i am not sure if i get the person i like again..I dont think i have the capacity to withstand another relation failure.
He is so adamant in leaving me...not even considering any of the issues we were having...All he says is he is right and i need to follow him for our happy marriage.I really cant be like that.Whenever he is wrong i feel like saying it out..
I would have gone back to him out of the love i have for him but he is really aggressive...even for small arguments he gets angry and threatens to leave me or divorce me.
I am really worried right now and not knowing whether to be with him or leave him.He is not ready to come for counselling even.
I love him same time i want him to change but thats not happening nor i can be with him if he is with the same behaviour.I always end up thinking dumbly and follows my heart..he follows his mind and has planned his life well even without me...I just wasted all the separation time just thinking about him,ended up with more suffering..
The time has come now to take decision.Please anyone suggest how to deal my situation and how to decide well ...


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

bandy said:


> Finally the day has come in my life...my husband has broken the silence and said he is prepared for divorce and he wants to get separated legally after 10 months of separation.
> I wanted to be with him if he is atleast changed a bit understanding my problems and concerns.But always he points me and blames me for our failure.He doesnt even agree what pain he has caused to me all these months.
> I always tried to make him realize this...but all went in vain.
> He is seeing his own life..
> ...


You can't change him. Nor can you expect him to understand what you have been going through. He is not interested. He is totally focused on himself. 

Work on yourself. Do things that you enjoy doing. Spoil yourself. Don't do it because you think it will get him back. Do it for yourself. Build your confidence. It will help you deal with whatever is coming.

You are right, marriage should be a two-way relationship. If he is not willing to work at it, there is not much you can do. 

Sorry.


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