# Hiring an attorney



## srbat (Jun 26, 2015)

My husband and I are separating (I think) and I need to hire an attorney. Our neighbor is an attorney who I trust, but would you hire someone who is friends with your spouse as well as you?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I would be very careful about a family friend acting as your divorce attorney. At the very least since he is friends with both of you he will be in an awkward position. What does he specialize in? You need an attorney that specializes in Divorce and Family Law, maybe you should ask him for referrals.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nope, I would not hire someone who is friends with my husband. No way. 

There is a good chance that the neighbor would decline your request. If he's a good attorney he will. 

But do have a consolation with him that you pay him for. Just ask him some questions about general divorce issues. That way, only you pay him, he cannot represent your husband either.

And then go find a another attorney. If the neighbor asks why you did not go with him, just tell him that after you thought about it you figured that you did not want to interfere with your his friendship with your husband.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Your attorney friend would have a "conflict of interest" and should not represent either of you.


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

Good advice already given. But do ask him for three referrals for lawyers who have the majority of their practice in family law. You then "interview" all three and decide who you want to represent you. Its a business relationship and you re going to be relying heavily on their professional expertise.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I hired my attorney and it wasn't until my xW and her mother walked in the door of my attorneys office that I found out they were life long friends. As a result my own attorney changed my papers and tried to put things past me. I confronted her on it and stated she must have misheard in our meeting. I rewrote the papers myself and gave them to her to file them. I later went to the courthouse to make sure she filed the ones I retyped. 

Never hire a attorney that has any kind of a connection to your stbxh.

On another note I am really sorry to hear your divorcing. 

Clay


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

srbat said:


> My husband and I are separating (I think) and I need to hire an attorney. Our neighbor is an attorney who I trust, but would you hire someone who is friends with your spouse as well as you?


If they are any value as an attorney they will refuse the case as being to close to them. Ask instead for a recommendation and take care not to drag them into discussions on your case. If they offer to take the case, refuse.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*And one very important caveat: Never hire an attorney who is very good friends with spouse's opposing counsel. Or even the presiding judge!

They simply will not work in your best interest!

Unfortunately, I found that out the hard way!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *And one very important caveat: Never hire an attorney who is very good friends with spouse's opposing counsel. Or even the presiding judge!
> 
> They simply will not work in your best interest!*


*

Yeah because what good could come from having an attorney who is friends with the judge..*


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

"And one very important caveat: Never hire an attorney who is very good friends with spouse's opposing counsel. Or even the presiding judge! They simply will not work in your best interest! Unfortunately, I found that out the hard way!

A few points. 

1. Divorce lawyers are nasty, difficult, and belligerent, but are accused of being weak, overly accommodating, cushy with the other side. 

2. Lawyers essentially do their best to represent their client. Where they fail however, is communicating bad news on the onset and taking steps to facilitate early resolution. That is understandable because many divorce clients pick lawyers based upon who agrees with their positions, predicts the best result, and seems the toughest. 

Take a typical situation where a couple is splitting up 100,000. One lawyer may suggest his client will end up to be with about 1/2 and 15,000 in legal fees will be deducted. He is rejected. The lawyer who explain that the husband generated the money he should get 65000 is selected. Unfortunately on the other side the wife is told the same thing and she similarly picks a tough attorney. A 4 way conference is held at which each lawyer showcases his or her toughness, and each side quickly runs up 25,000 in legal fees. Husband's lawyer says this is sad but wife's lawyer is difficult and unreasonable, and is prolonging the case- she is known as an ultra-feminist who creates conflict because she hates men. Wife's lawyer explains she has tried to resolve the claim but husband's lawyer is patronizing and arrogant explaining that the man is in charge and honey you better learn this is the way things work. 

Finally when each side is exhausted, the money spigot is drying up, each side becomes reasonable and the matter resolves, and out of the 100,000, each side receives less than 15 with the remainder going for fees.


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