# Oral sex



## Girl_power

Every guy I have ever dated loved to go down on me or at least said they did and did it frequently. Yes I haven’t dated that many people but still... so my current boyfriend clearly doesn’t love it even though he says he likes it Bc he rarely does it and he doesn’t do it for a long time. For the record... I am always clean, and I am bare down there (laser), and I never smell. He told me that I have the best smelling vagina he has been with. We got into a weird convo last night and I asked him how often he went down on his ex gf of 6 years and he said only once! Then I asked how many time did she go down on him and he said maybe 10. That’s it. 

I came out of a 7 year marriage where my ex would go down on me every time I didn’t have an orgasm with PIV which was frequently... and he always made sure I had an orgasm 100% of the time. 

With my current boyfriend... he lasts a long time but sometimes I cant orgasm with PIV. But when he is done, he is done. And it annoys me because I have a high sex drive and I love to orgasm too. When I have my period and it’s heavy I always give him BJs to completion with him finishing in my mouth. Bc I know he is horny and I feel like it’s my job to give him an orgasm. Plus of course I want to do it. So I love having him finish in my mouth? Do I love to gag on him? Of course not, but I love to make him happy. I just wish that he had the same mentality as I do but he doesn’t. It’s frustrating sexually. 

Also... when he has gone down on me he comes up and he is soft, so I can tell he doesn’t like it. 

I don’t know what I am looking for on here... maybe hearing from guys that don’t like to do it and why? I think I am just going to try to be more selfish and push him down there or something. I hate it when orgasmed aren’t reciprocated, and I understand that sometimes it happens, but I don’t think it should be 4/10 times.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

I'm no help.

I lliiike it!!

Lusciously ❤❤😊😊😍😍


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## notmyjamie

Girl_power said:


> Every guy I have ever dated loved to go down on me or at least said they did and did it frequently. Yes I haven’t dated that many people but still... so my current boyfriend clearly doesn’t love it even though he says he likes it Bc he rarely does it and he doesn’t do it for a long time. For the record... I am always clean, and I am bare down there (laser), and I never smell. He told me that I have the best smelling vagina he has been with. We got into a weird convo last night and I asked him how often he went down on his ex gf of 6 years and he said only once! Then I asked how many time did she go down on him and he said maybe 10. That’s it.
> 
> I came out of a 7 year marriage where my ex would go down on me every time I didn’t have an orgasm with PIV which was frequently... and he always made sure I had an orgasm 100% of the time.
> 
> With my current boyfriend... he lasts a long time but sometimes I cant orgasm with PIV. But when he is done, he is done. And it annoys me because I have a high sex drive and I love to orgasm too. When I have my period and it’s heavy I always give him BJs to completion with him finishing in my mouth. Bc I know he is horny and I feel like it’s my job to give him an orgasm. Plus of course I want to do it. So I love having him finish in my mouth? Do I love to gag on him? Of course not, but I love to make him happy. I just wish that he had the same mentality as I do but he doesn’t. It’s frustrating sexually.
> 
> Also... when he has gone down on me he comes up and he is soft, so I can tell he doesn’t like it.
> 
> I don’t know what I am looking for on here... maybe hearing from guys that don’t like to do it and why? I think I am just going to try to be more selfish and push him down there or something. I hate it when orgasmed aren’t reciprocated, and I understand that sometimes it happens, but I don’t think it should be 4/10 times.




I'm not a guy but I have a couple thoughts. If he rarely does it and never really did it with his ex, it's possible he isn't sure he knows what he's doing. He might lose his erection because he's concentrating so hard on the task at hand. The cure for that is to have him keep trying and give him good direction while he's doing it ie. "that feels great, that doesn't feel good" etc. He'll gain some confidence and maybe start to enjoy the "power" it gives him over you. 

My other thought is to ask if you've discussed all this with him, the same way you presented it to us here? If not, you should. There is nothing wrong with wanting your sex life to be more even.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm no help.
> 
> I lliiike it!!
> 
> Lusciously ❤❤😊😊😍😍


Yeah, me either. Hopefully a guy who isn't into it and can explain that perspective will come along soon. I wouldn't hold my breath though. I know they're out there in the world, but I haven't seen much evidence of them prowling TAM. I think this is one of the areas where the male TAM population doesn't accurately reflect the population at large. 

... now only if my wife was as comfortable receiving as the OP!:frown2:


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## Cooper

I always say sexual compatability is an absolute must in a relationship! Sounds like he is a bit inexperienced at it so maybe just needs coaching. But honestly if he doesn't like it and you love and need it easily can become a deal breaker.

I'm surprised he goes soft while doing oral. How old is he? Does he harden right up again? For him to lose his erection/arousal before orgasm is a sign of trouble. Sounds like he really is turned off by it or maybe has some ED issues.


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## Cletus

Girl_power said:


> Every guy I have ever dated loved to go down on me or at least said they did and did it frequently. Yes I haven’t dated that many people but still... so my current boyfriend clearly doesn’t love it even though he says he likes it Bc he rarely does it and he doesn’t do it for a long time.


When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

Lots of folks on both sides of this aisle simply do not care for this sex act. You are now dating one. 

Sexual tastes do not change much with time for most of us once we are adults. This is a "price of admission" question for you. You're not one magic day going to start getting the oral you desire from this man. Is that a deal breaker? Is he willing to experiment with you with other methods to get the job done, and would you accept that?

Be very VERY skeptical of anyone here giving you hope that this will get better over time.


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## bkyln309

My current BF loves to give oral to me but isnt a huge fan of it for himself. He will go abit soft from oral and perk back up as soon as other factors are in play.


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## CharlieParker

Run.


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## TheDudeLebowski

I enjoy it, but I don't go down there after PIV. But I don't have a need to either. If snowballing my own jizz is a requirement, I'm just not a match for that person. Likewise I wouldn't require a woman swallow or complete in her mouth. Yeah girl, I get it. I don't want jizz in my mouth either. I'll just squirt it somewhere else on your body.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Cletus said:


> When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
> 
> Lots of folks on both sides of this aisle simply do not care for this sex act. You are now dating one.
> 
> Sexual tastes do not change much with time for most of us once we are adults. This is a "price of admission" question for you. You're not one magic day going to start getting the oral you desire from this man. Is that a deal breaker? Is he willing to experiment with you with other methods to get the job done, and would you accept that?
> 
> Be very VERY skeptical of anyone here giving you hope that this will get better over time.


True, true, true.... TRUE! Do not spend your life hoping that one day there's going to be this magic switch in his libido that will make him want to be cunnilicious. Ain't gonna' happen. You may as well wish for the sun to rise in the west and set in the east one day. 


... or that you will settle into being okay with this so long as other aspects of your relationship are good. Many people are able to convince themselves of that in the short term, maybe for years or even decades... but one day hope for change will finally die, and that's the point when you realize you were never going to be good with this. You can only convince yourself you can be good with this, ironically so long as there is some little flicker of hope back in your subconscious. You can waste, literally, an entire lifetime living between those bookends (hope for change and self delusion). And then when it breaks, get ready for the cumulative resentment of all those years to surface all at once.


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## She'sStillGotIt

The more I read about this guy, the more of an ass I think he is.

He's in his 30's and lives with his parents and if that isn't bad enough, he's always mooching off YOU at your place. You cook for him, clean up after him, he drinks all your alcohol and doesn't bother replacing it, he expects you to feed him pretty much whenever he 'gifts' you with his mooching presence, and apparently, on TOP of all this giving _you're _doing and all this taking _he's_ doing, you also have *non-reciprocal* sex with him.

Seems this mooch just expects you to give, give, give while he takes, takes, takes. 

Yeah, this guy is a real prince, Girl Power.

I think you were personally triggered on a recent thread when a lot of us were telling a female poster what a complete loser her mooch of a boyfriend is because he IS a loser and a mooch and he reminds me a whole lot of your boyfriend. You were taking it way too personally and defending the guy left and right at every poster who called him a loser and now I realize why - because that guy is exactly like your boyfriend.

You know, it's bad enough when a guy has *no problem* taking advantage of you every single opportunity he gets because he's selfish and self entitled and doesn't give a rat's* ass* about what any of it costs you financially or personally. And he doesn't, Girl Power. You can deny it all you want but you know it's true. So it's no surprise - at ALL - that someone this self absorbed, selfish and stingy is *also* stingy and selfish when it comes to sex.

*Not surprised at ALL.*

It's who he *is*. He keeps showing you what a user he is and he continually takes advantage of you, and you keep defending him, OP. What you see in this guy is just a mystery for the ages.


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## She'sStillGotIt

CharlieParker said:


> Run.


Best advice in this thread if you read the OP's other thread about this mooch.


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## ReformedHubby

Cletus said:


> When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
> 
> Lots of folks on both sides of this aisle simply do not care for this sex act. You are now dating one.
> 
> Sexual tastes do not change much with time for most of us once we are adults. This is a "price of admission" question for you. You're not one magic day going to start getting the oral you desire from this man. Is that a deal breaker? Is he willing to experiment with you with other methods to get the job done, and would you accept that?
> 
> Be very VERY skeptical of anyone here giving you hope that this will get better over time.


I agree...if he literally did it once with his ex girlfriend, its just not something he is into. It has nothing to do with him being inexperienced, its just not his thing. I don't want to pile on here....but....he should make sure you are taken care of each time too.


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## ReformedHubby

She'sStillGotIt said:


> The more I read about this guy, the more of an ass I think he is.
> 
> He's in his 30's and lives with his parents and if that isn't bad enough, he's always mooching off YOU at your place. You cook for him, clean up after him, he drinks all your alcohol and doesn't bother replacing it, he expects you to feed him pretty much whenever he 'gifts' you with his mooching presence, and apparently, on TOP of all this giving _you're _doing and all this taking _he's_ doing, you also have *non-reciprocal* sex with him.
> 
> Seems this mooch just expects you to give, give, give while he takes, takes, takes.
> 
> Yeah, this guy is a real prince, Girl Power.
> 
> I think you were personally triggered on a recent thread when a lot of us were telling a female poster what a complete loser her mooch of a boyfriend is because he IS a loser and a mooch and he reminds me a whole lot of your boyfriend. You were taking it way too personally and defending the guy left and right at every poster who called him a loser and now I realize why - because that guy is exactly like your boyfriend.
> 
> You know, it's bad enough when a guy has *no problem* taking advantage of you every single opportunity he gets because he's selfish and self entitled and doesn't give a rat's* ass* about what any of it costs you financially or personally. And he doesn't, Girl Power. You can deny it all you want but you know it's true. So it's no surprise - at ALL - that someone this self absorbed, selfish and stingy is *also* stingy and selfish when it comes to sex.
> 
> *Not surprised at ALL.*
> 
> It's who he *is*. He keeps showing you what a user he is and he continually takes advantage of you, and you keep defending him, OP. What you see in this guy is just a mystery for the ages.


Wow...I am speechless. I am unfamiliar with the OP's story. I know men that are mooches too. But typically those guys make up for it in a bedroom. Its usually all they have to offer. C'mon OP, you can do better.


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## StarFires

Girl_power said:


> Every guy I have ever dated loved to go down on me or at least said they did and did it frequently. Yes I haven’t dated that many people but still... so my current boyfriend clearly doesn’t love it even though he says he likes it Bc he rarely does it and he doesn’t do it for a long time.
> 
> We got into a weird convo last night and I asked him how often he went down on his ex gf of 6 years and he said only once!
> 
> Also... when he has gone down on me he comes up and he is soft, so I can tell he doesn’t like it.


Sorry, I'm not a guy, but if you don't mind.......

I think you're right that he doesn't like it. Only once with his ex??? And then to tell you he likes it is kind of ridiculous. I used to wonder if guys liked doing it and had a couple tell me they did. It was obvious they did like it because they did it well and were really good at it. Those who didn't like it didn't do it (and weren't my boyfriend for long). But among the guys who did go down, it was obvious few of them knew how to do it properly, which was the reason some were more annoying than pleasing and also the reason they stopped too soon. They were just down there doing something.

The thing about it is that whether your guy likes it or not is pretty much irrelevant. The key is knowing what he's doing. And since he does go down, he might as well know how to do it right so that it's pleasurable and satisfying to you. It doesn't have to take a long time. He can be in complete control of your pleasure and orgasms to make you cum when he's ready for you to, whether that's quickly or lingering. Just depends on whether he enjoys driving you nuts for a length of time or whether he prefers to get it over with. Unlike you, I absolutely hate BJs. But just like you, I do it because I love pleasing him in that manner because he likes it so much. And that's what I found with most guys - they liked driving me crazy like that. So whether they liked performing the act, they thoroughly enjoy that part of it.

I don't know how you feel about the instructional side of things. I only know I was never able to give instructions but maybe you don't mind. Here are some instructions I wrote on another thread. Tailor this to your personal needs and preferences and convey it to your guy either verbally or print it out for him to read.

If you go down on her and are not bringing her to orgasm every single time, then you're not doing it right and just need to know how to do it properly. First off - do not flick your tongue. A lot of men think they are doing something by flicking her clit with their tongue, but that is nothing but annoying. Also, don't concentrate on her clit for too long at a time. Teasing is best initially. The way to suck on her clit is to encompass it with your lips and suck with your lips pursed as if drinking from a straw. Her clitoris is much like the head of your penis but even more sensitive. Right at the base of her clit is the spot similar to your frenulum but much more sensitive. The length of area between the clit and vaginal opening is also sensitive and responds very well to pressure. Use your tongue to stimulate these areas and bring her to orgasm. Gently suck and play with her clit with your tongue but concentrate mostly on the areas directly beneath it, and then go back to the clit. When you're ready to make her cum, gently suck on her clit until she moves your head away.


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## attheend02

StarFires said:


> If you go down on her and are not bringing her to orgasm every single time, then you're not doing it right and just need to know how to do it properly. First off - do not flick your tongue. A lot of men think they are doing something by flicking her clit with their tongue, but that is nothing but annoying. Also, don't concentrate on her clit for too long at a time. Teasing is best initially. The way to suck on her clit is to encompass it with your lips and suck with your lips pursed as if drinking from a straw. Her clitoris is much like the head of your penis but even more sensitive. Right at the base of her clit is the spot similar to your frenulum but much more sensitive. The length of area between the clit and vaginal opening is also sensitive and responds very well to pressure. Use your tongue to stimulate these areas and bring her to orgasm. Gently suck and play with her clit with your tongue but concentrate mostly on the areas directly beneath it, and then go back to the clit. When you're ready to make her cum, gently suck on her clit until she moves your head away.


Good to see you again StarFires... Thank you.


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## blazer prophet

Girl_power said:


> Every guy I have ever dated loved to go down on me or at least said they did and did it frequently. Yes I haven’t dated that many people but still... so my current boyfriend clearly doesn’t love it even though he says he likes it Bc he rarely does it and he doesn’t do it for a long time. For the record... I am always clean, and I am bare down there (laser), and I never smell. He told me that I have the best smelling vagina he has been with. We got into a weird convo last night and I asked him how often he went down on his ex gf of 6 years and he said only once! Then I asked how many time did she go down on him and he said maybe 10. That’s it.
> 
> I came out of a 7 year marriage where my ex would go down on me every time I didn’t have an orgasm with PIV which was frequently... and he always made sure I had an orgasm 100% of the time.
> 
> With my current boyfriend... he lasts a long time but sometimes I cant orgasm with PIV. But when he is done, he is done. And it annoys me because I have a high sex drive and I love to orgasm too. When I have my period and it’s heavy I always give him BJs to completion with him finishing in my mouth. Bc I know he is horny and I feel like it’s my job to give him an orgasm. Plus of course I want to do it. So I love having him finish in my mouth? Do I love to gag on him? Of course not, but I love to make him happy. I just wish that he had the same mentality as I do but he doesn’t. It’s frustrating sexually.
> 
> Also... when he has gone down on me he comes up and he is soft, so I can tell he doesn’t like it.
> 
> I don’t know what I am looking for on here... maybe hearing from guys that don’t like to do it and why? I think I am just going to try to be more selfish and push him down there or something. I hate it when orgasmed aren’t reciprocated, and I understand that sometimes it happens, but I don’t think it should be 4/10 times.


FWIW, I'm addicted to providing oral sex. Wife loves me for it. But some guys like the idea of it, but just don't like to in practice. The reason is that at the time of the act, they're not getting anything out of it.


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## StarFires

errr uuhhh Oh my!

I just read She'sStillGotIt response and had no idea all that was going on. I remember the thread about him not helping out at the ranch/farm but had no idea what a jerk this guy is in so many areas of your relationship. I don't normally pay attention to OP's name, so I don't usually make the associations with other threads by them. I knew he was mooching and didn't want to help out. But he's selfish in bed too??? I have to say now that I agree with her completely. This guy is just a selfish jerk. I don't expect anything we say to matter to you. In cases like this, a woman has to figure it out for herself and won't listen to other people. Usually, that ends up with her paying a dear price in the end. But now that you have specific instructions to give him, see what he does with it. See if he bothers to give a darn about your needs and sexual pleasure. If he still doesn't, then I really hope you find the nerve and strength to finally dump him.


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## TheDudeLebowski

StarFires said:


> Sorry, I'm not a guy, but if you don't mind.......
> 
> I think you're right that he doesn't like it. Only once with his ex??? And then to tell you he likes it is kind of ridiculous. I used to wonder if guys liked doing it and had a couple tell me they did. It was obvious they did like it because they did it well and were really good at it. Those who didn't like it didn't do it (and weren't my boyfriend for long). But among the guys who did go down, it was obvious few of them knew how to do it properly, which was the reason some were more annoying than pleasing and also the reason they stopped too soon. They were just down there doing something.
> 
> The thing about it is that whether your guy likes it or not is pretty much irrelevant. The key is knowing what he's doing. And since he does go down, he might as well know how to do it right so that it's pleasurable and satisfying to you. It doesn't have to take a long time. He can be in complete control of your pleasure and orgasms to make you cum when he's ready for you to, whether that's quickly or lingering. Just depends on whether he enjoys driving you nuts for a length of time or whether he prefers to get it over with. Unlike you, I absolutely hate BJs. But just like you, I do it because I love pleasing him in that manner because he likes it so much. And that's what I found with most guys - they liked driving me crazy like that. So whether they liked performing the act, they thoroughly enjoy that part of it.
> 
> I don't know how you feel about the instructional side of things. I only know I was never able to give instructions but maybe you don't mind. Here are some instructions I wrote on another thread. Tailor this to your personal needs and preferences and convey it to your guy either verbally or print it out for him to read.
> 
> If you go down on her and are not bringing her to orgasm every single time, then you're not doing it right and just need to know how to do it properly. First off - do not flick your tongue. A lot of men think they are doing something by flicking her clit with their tongue, but that is nothing but annoying. Also, don't concentrate on her clit for too long at a time. Teasing is best initially. The way to suck on her clit is to encompass it with your lips and suck with your lips pursed as if drinking from a straw. Her clitoris is much like the head of your penis but even more sensitive. Right at the base of her clit is the spot similar to your frenulum but much more sensitive. The length of area between the clit and vaginal opening is also sensitive and responds very well to pressure. Use your tongue to stimulate these areas and bring her to orgasm. Gently suck and play with her clit with your tongue but concentrate mostly on the areas directly beneath it, and then go back to the clit. When you're ready to make her cum, gently suck on her clit until she moves your head away.


I don't think that many people are good at oral sex. Both men and women. 

Or, they got good with a particular partner, and all those tricks only work on that person and don't do anything for other partners they try it with. Not sure how universal this stuff is.


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## StarFires

attheend02 said:


> Good to see you again StarFires... Thank you.


Atheend02, you're very welcome.


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## StarFires

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I don't think that many people are good at oral sex. Both men and women.
> 
> Or, they got good with a particular partner, and all those tricks only work on that person and don't do anything for other partners they try it with. Not sure how universal this stuff is.


It doesn't matter at all since not every woman is the same. But I am confident this works for most. It's instructional for those in need of instructions and is certainly more useful than what men like the OP's partner, many partner's I've had, many partners of the women I know, and those I've read online have been. So there was no point in questioning or disputing it since you didn't have anything helpful on the subject to offer. If you go down on your wife in a different manner than this and that works for her, then that's all that should matter to you. But then, I know that in general women don't complain and don't speak up when it isn't what they like.


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## TheDudeLebowski

StarFires said:


> It doesn't matter at all since not every woman is the same. But I am confident this works for most. It's instructional for those in need of instructions and is certainly more useful than what men like the OP's partner, many partner's I've had, many partners of the women I know, and those I've read online have been. So there was no point in questioning or disputing it since you didn't have anything helpful on the subject to offer. If you go down on your wife in a different manner than this and that works for her, then that's all that should matter to you. But then, I know that in general women don't complain and don't speak up when it isn't what they like.


Neither do men. Lots of mediocre blow jobs out there. The vast majority in fact. If we say something, chances are we won't be getting anymore. So most women walk around thinking they are the BJ queens of the world. Bless their hearts.


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## 269370

Girl_power said:


> I have the best smelling vagina he has been with.



Do you think this can be printed on a t shirt? Looking for a last minute present for my wife....



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## Casual Observer

From an evolutionary standpoint, I'd have thought men would have learned to do well in oral exams as a gateway to entry. It also surprises me that women wouldn't be more blunt about it, suggesting that the best way to frequent & passionate pleasure for him would be to start with oral on her. If a guy really isn't interested in sex, well, you might as well learn that sooner than later, right?


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## 269370

Girl_power said:


> Every guy I have ever dated loved to go down on me or at least said they did and did it frequently. Yes I haven’t dated that many people but still... so my current boyfriend clearly doesn’t love it even though he says he likes it Bc he rarely does it and he doesn’t do it for a long time. For the record... I am always clean, and I am bare down there (laser), and I never smell. He told me that I have the best smelling vagina he has been with. We got into a weird convo last night and I asked him how often he went down on his ex gf of 6 years and he said only once! Then I asked how many time did she go down on him and he said maybe 10. That’s it.
> 
> I came out of a 7 year marriage where my ex would go down on me every time I didn’t have an orgasm with PIV which was frequently... and he always made sure I had an orgasm 100% of the time.
> 
> With my current boyfriend... he lasts a long time but sometimes I cant orgasm with PIV. But when he is done, he is done. And it annoys me because I have a high sex drive and I love to orgasm too. When I have my period and it’s heavy I always give him BJs to completion with him finishing in my mouth. Bc I know he is horny and I feel like it’s my job to give him an orgasm. Plus of course I want to do it. So I love having him finish in my mouth? Do I love to gag on him? Of course not, but I love to make him happy. I just wish that he had the same mentality as I do but he doesn’t. It’s frustrating sexually.
> 
> Also... when he has gone down on me he comes up and he is soft, so I can tell he doesn’t like it.
> 
> I don’t know what I am looking for on here... maybe hearing from guys that don’t like to do it and why? I think I am just going to try to be more selfish and push him down there or something. I hate it when orgasmed aren’t reciprocated, and I understand that sometimes it happens, but I don’t think it should be 4/10 times.



Orgasm for an orgasm, as somebody who knew Jesus said...

I think your best bet is to actually tell him that you don’t feel that he likes doing it. I wouldn’t necessarily take his soft duck as an indication that he is not enjoying it...(sometimes if you focus on something too much, to do it well, you forget about your own enjoyment....).

“Bc I know he is horny and I feel like it’s my job to give him an orgasm.”

That’s why they call it a blow JOB!! They don’t even have a proper name for the male equivalent! 
What horrible lives women had to endure...

Regarding you best smelling vagina... I still think some kind of proof should be required...
Speaking of which, I just came (haha) from Japan where they make it a big business selling worn underwear...(female that is, but you never know what’s in the package till you open and smell it...)

Where was I? Oh yes, tell him to stay the f down until it starts singing those love tunes....And to smile afterwards.



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## StarFires

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Neither do men. Lots of mediocre blow jobs out there. The vast majority in fact. If we say something, chances are we won't be getting anymore. So most women walk around thinking they are the BJ queens of the world. Bless their hearts.


That's what I was saying that you didn't offer anything helpful to the OP on the subject matter. This thread wasn't about BJs, but you needed to defend men and criticize women.


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## 269370

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Yeah, me either. Hopefully a guy who isn't into it and can explain that perspective will come along soon. I wouldn't hold my breath though. I know they're out there in the world, but I haven't seen much evidence of them prowling TAM. I think this is one of the areas where the male TAM population doesn't accurately reflect the population at large.
> 
> 
> 
> ... now only if my wife was as comfortable receiving as the OP!:frown2:



That’s because most guys on here seem to have wives that don’t let them go down on them...or don’t let them do anything at all...Maybe if that wasn’t the case, the ‘novelty’ would perhaps wear off quicker for more guys to more ‘accurately’ represent reality 

Having said that, if there was place I would be willing to die, it would be with my face deep between my wife’s beautiful legs...(and I ‘die’ there almost every day).


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## Girl_power

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Neither do men. Lots of mediocre blow jobs out there. The vast majority in fact. If we say something, chances are we won't be getting anymore. So most women walk around thinking they are the BJ queens of the world. Bless their hearts.




I am the blow job queen Bc I specifically asked my bf what he likes because I wanted to learn how to please him. After lots is practice I got it down for him. 
I don’t understand why people don’t do this to all their partners. I was literally like hey I am the only one allowed to suck ****, I want to do it right for you. I don’t understand why he can’t reciprocate the sentiment.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

Casual Observer said:


> From an evolutionary standpoint, I'd have thought men would have learned to do well in oral exams as a gateway to entry. It also surprises me that women wouldn't be more blunt about it, suggesting that the best way to frequent & passionate pleasure for him would be to start with oral on her. If a guy really isn't interested in sex, well, you might as well learn that sooner than later, right?


From an evolutionary standpoint, if we are able to kill a beast and bring it home to feed the tribe, we are seen as capable men and worthy of entry. Similarly, some ugly ass piece of **** dude with a billion dollars has got a better shot that a broke ass dude with Gene Simmon's tongue and Chris Hemsworth's body.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

StarFires said:


> That's what I was saying that you didn't offer anything helpful to the OP on the subject matter. This thread wasn't about BJs, but you needed to defend men and criticize women.


She starts a new thread every week about her BF being sub par or men in general being not worthy. She still stays with him. At some point you realize she isn't trying to improve her situation, she just wants to complain. 

You have me mixed up with someone else btw. I defend and criticize both men and women constantly. My initial post said not many people, both men and women, are good at oral. You see that as defending men. What does that say about your own level of bias?


----------



## MJJEAN

He's not actually into oral, in general, or you, in particular.

If you want a man who will frequently, skillfully, and enthusiastically go down on you...well... this isn't the guy.


----------



## uhtred

I like to make my wife O, and am happy to do pretty much anything she might enjoy along the way. Even if I didn't enjoy it, I think sex should generally be balanced / fair. If one person goes out of their way to please the other, then that should be reciprocated. Not necessarily every single time, but in general, on average there should be a balance. 

I'm willing to accept that there are some sex acts that some people are just not able to bring themselves to do - but they should do their best with what they are able to do. 

Receiving oral but not reciprocating seems selfish. From other comments it sounds like he is selfish in other ways as well. If true, do you really want to put up with that?


----------



## ReformedHubby

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Neither do men. Lots of mediocre blow jobs out there. The vast majority in fact. If we say something, chances are we won't be getting anymore. So most women walk around thinking they are the BJ queens of the world. Bless their hearts.


LoL...so true. Its like why rock the boat. If she is enthusiastic about it and can get you there, I'm not going to bother to critique her for subtle nuances. With that said some are so aggressive I find it a tad painful, I do say something at that point. On the flip side I am a black dude, and supposedly for the most part we are lacking in the oral department....at least thats what I've been told....not a PC topic at all, but I swear we have negative stereotypes when it comes to oral. I'd like to think I'm decent, I do it every time like its the last time I am going to do it....with that said I think there really is no one size fits all for any sexual technique. Something that drives one person crazy, could be uncomfortable for another. I'm sure some guys like aggressive BJs... I don't. /End Thread Jack


----------



## 269370

ReformedHubby said:


> LoL...so true. Its like why rock the boat. If she is enthusiastic about it and can get you there, I'm not going to bother to critique her for subtle nuances. With that said some are so aggressive I find it a tad painful, I do say something at that point. On the flip side I am a black dude, and supposedly for the most part we are lacking in the oral department....at least thats what I've been told....not a PC topic at all, but I swear we have negative stereotypes when it comes to oral. I'd like to think I'm decent, I do it every time like its the last time I am going to do it....with that said I think there really is no one size fits all for any sexual technique. Something that drives one person crazy, could be uncomfortable for another. I'm sure some guys like aggressive BJs... I don't. /End Thread Jack



One of my first blowjob experiences was with a girl that placed her teeth sideways onto it, and proceeded to go up and down, until the skin on it started coming off. She almost circumcised me, sideways. And she wasn’t even a rabbi.
I was crying quietly. Because on the one hand, it felt amazing to have your **** so close to someone’s face, while on the other hand, I was thinking that I may never be able to reproduce again once she manages to peel off all that skin with her teeth...Tough dilemma at the time. 

I think it resolved itself because her father walked into the room and started chasing me, with a sword....
Fond memories nevertheless.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TheDudeLebowski

Girl_power said:


> I am the blow job queen Bc I specifically asked my bf what he likes because I wanted to learn how to please him. After lots is practice I got it down for him.
> I don’t understand why people don’t do this to all their partners. I was literally like hey I am the only one allowed to suck ****, I want to do it right for you. I don’t understand why he can’t reciprocate the sentiment.


Yes I'm aware of how amazing a person you are. You highlight this in all of your threads. The best smelling vagina in the world even. 

Something I have noticed is the men who come here to bash women or their partners constantly are always these amazing men. Any girl would be lucky to be with them. Yet they are single, or in a crappy relationship. Its the same thing with women who bash men or their partners constantly. Single, or in crappy relationships. Everyone else is the problem, not them.


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## 269370

Maybe he read too many threads on TAM women advising how it’s the journey that matters and not the destination? (Destination being the orgasm...in case that wasn’t obvious).
Just trying to think outside the box...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Girl_power

InMyPrime said:


> Maybe he read too many threads on TAM women advising how it’s the journey that matters and not the destination? (Destination being the orgasm...in case that wasn’t obvious).
> Just trying to think outside the box...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




It’s always the destination in this case


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## 269370

Girl_power said:


> It’s always the destination in this case



Are we there yet? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## arbitrator

*From a personal standpoint, I always seem to get so much more out of orally pleasuring my partner so much more than actually being pleasured in that mode by them! 

To me, oral should be every bit as natural as PIV is! To which there should be absolutely no aversions, apprehensions, or performance anxieties!

It's performance simply should be a byproduct of genuine love! *


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## Spicy

My husband has never given me oral sex. I miss it so much! My XH loved it and was great at it. Current hubby had a few gross experiences and then one really bad one, and has never done it since. I know if I pushed it, he would do it. I would never be able to relax and enjoy it, knowing he probably was hating it. We have extremely open conversations about everything, so we both understand where the other is coming from. 

I don’t think it’s fair that I don’t get oral because some skanks he dated in the past had bad hygiene. It annoys me. It’s the way it is though, and I chose to accept that! I have recently stopped handing out bjs left and right. It’s hard because I really love his dong and I truly enjoying slurping on it. I’ve started holding off on them because our sex life is improving and I hope that soon he will miss them, and we will have a discussion about oral again. I want him to try it from the side, and of course me fresh out of a scorching shower. Maybe he will see it is not a big deal, and not what he remembers. Or maybe he will still hate it. Who knows. 

I agree with everyone else. Tastes aren’t likely to change. It’s highly doubtful he will ever enjoy it, so I have decided to tolerate that it isn’t on the menu. If he can get his other skills up to par, I won’t care as much. We shall see. It’s an interesting journey.

I’m one of the ones that knew, and chose to marry in a situation that there is a sexual mismatch. We have made progress, some really good steps actually, and I hope I will never give up. We go together like biscuits and jam. We are truly very happy together. Do I get sad sometimes that my love life isn’t what I would ideally want? Yep. I’m pretty sure that since no one is perfect, we all have to give and take on getting the other person that checks every box for us. My guy checks everything else for me. I decided it was worth it, and I am still sure it is.

——————
Now, after reading the recap of @She'sStillGotIt on the other areas that are lacking in your relationship, only you can decide if you are okay with all of those things. Are you?


----------



## WorkingWife

He either doesn't like doing it because he finds it repulsive, or he doesn't like doing it because he's lazy and selfish and it requires effort. Either way, the problem is, *you know he doesn't like doing it*.

So even if you can get him to do it, in the back of your mind you will know he's not enjoying it and that will probably be a buzz kill for you.

My ex was like that about both kissing and going down. When I wanted a divorce, suddenly he wanted to kiss me the way I'd wanted him to for years. He was a very good kisser. But I couldn't enjoy it because I knew if he wanted to do that he would have been doing it all along.

It sounds like you're realizing you have a pretty one-sided relationship with this guy so far. I'd think he's just a user and you may have a "co-dependent" side to you, except it sounds like this is unusual for you -- to have your BF be so much of a taker. I'd encourage you to think back to other relationships you've been in and what you've observed in other couples and ask yourself if you really want to be tied to *this *guy.

They say the beginning of a relationship is when you do your best to impress. So don't expect him to get more loving and generous. This is as good as it gets with this guy. Is this really what you want?





Girl_power said:


> Every guy I have ever dated loved to go down on me or at least said they did and did it frequently. Yes I haven’t dated that many people but still... so my current boyfriend clearly doesn’t love it even though he says he likes it Bc he rarely does it and he doesn’t do it for a long time. For the record... I am always clean, and I am bare down there (laser), and I never smell. He told me that I have the best smelling vagina he has been with. We got into a weird convo last night and I asked him how often he went down on his ex gf of 6 years and he said only once! Then I asked how many time did she go down on him and he said maybe 10. That’s it.
> 
> I came out of a 7 year marriage where my ex would go down on me every time I didn’t have an orgasm with PIV which was frequently... and he always made sure I had an orgasm 100% of the time.
> 
> With my current boyfriend... he lasts a long time but sometimes I cant orgasm with PIV. But when he is done, he is done. And it annoys me because I have a high sex drive and I love to orgasm too. When I have my period and it’s heavy I always give him BJs to completion with him finishing in my mouth. Bc I know he is horny and I feel like it’s my job to give him an orgasm. Plus of course I want to do it. So I love having him finish in my mouth? Do I love to gag on him? Of course not, but I love to make him happy. I just wish that he had the same mentality as I do but he doesn’t. It’s frustrating sexually.
> 
> Also... when he has gone down on me he comes up and he is soft, so I can tell he doesn’t like it.
> 
> I don’t know what I am looking for on here... maybe hearing from guys that don’t like to do it and why? I think I am just going to try to be more selfish and push him down there or something. I hate it when orgasmed aren’t reciprocated, and I understand that sometimes it happens, but I don’t think it should be 4/10 times.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

arbitrator said:


> *From a personal standpoint, I always seem to get so much more out of orally pleasuring my partner so much more than actually being pleasured in that mode by them!
> 
> To me, oral should be every bit as natural as PIV is! To which there should be absolutely no aversions, apprehensions, or performance anxieties!
> 
> It's performance simply should be a byproduct of genuine love! *


Here we see another example of an older guy who's never in his life got a mind melting blow job. Arb, I'm so very sorry. I wish you at least one of them before you part this life to see our maker. 


I told my wife after father's day that she did the best one ever from her. It was a 7 out of 10 (I didn't tell her this) A really good job! I've only ever had a 10/10 once and every guy I know has had 1-3 in their life. 

Not to discourage any lady out there. We believe in you! 

And the only thing I would change in your post is the last part. It's not about love, it's about desire! Pure, raw, and unfiltered desire. I don't want to taste every inch of your body and do unspeakable things because I love you. It's all chemicals the shut off any rational thought. I don't eat a girls ass because of love. Its 100% desire.


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## Cletus

Spicy said:


> My husband has never given me oral sex. I miss it so much! My XH loved it and was great at it. Current hubby had a few gross experiences and then one really bad one, and has never done it since.


How bad an experience can one possibly have? He got bit back? She lost bowel control in the middle? Isn't it sort of a "the worst day eating ***** is better than the best day doing just about anything else?"


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## Spicy

Cletus said:


> How bad an experience can one possibly have? He got bit back? She lost bowel control in the middle? Isn't it sort of a "the worst day eating ***** is better than the best day doing just about anything else?"


Preaching to the choir Cletus. I need to get you his phone number! :grin2:


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## arbitrator

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Here we see another example of an older guy who's never in his life got a mind melting blow job. Arb, I'm so very sorry. I wish you at least one of them before you part this life to see our maker.
> 
> I told my wife after father's day that she did the best one ever from her. It was a 7 out of 10 (I didn't tell her this) A really good job! I've only ever had a 10/10 once and every guy I know has had 1-3 in their life.
> 
> Not to discourage any lady out there. We believe in you!
> 
> *And the only thing I would change in your post is the last part. It's not about love, it's about desire! Pure, raw, and unfiltered desire. I don't want to taste every inch of your body and do unspeakable things because I love you.* It's all chemicals the shut off any rational thought. I don't eat a girls ass because of love. Its 100% desire.


*Begging to differ with you, Dude, well at least to me, it has always definitely been about some rather strong feelings for her, and/or love! If it's not really meant to be that way, then perhaps this old codger just has had it all wrong in this life!

I have no real desire to do sex with any gal unless there's the presence of some rather strong, mutually built-up feelings and some serious attraction for each other!

And that's why not wanting to give or to receive oral is a serious dealbreaker, at least with this old curmudgeon!

No offense, Dude, but without that, then it just makes the whole act seem so damned hollow and biological!*


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## Handy

Oral sex? Back in my youth, only perverts did that. Cuming in a woman's mouth was akin to degrading her. I do not remember what was degrading for the man to do OS on the woman. I only was concerned about my crime.

BTW, I tried on my soon to be W and she said she didn't like it so I quit trying. She wasn't in to BJ and PIV sex was what I wanted anyway.

OK, so forward 50 years and now oral sex for both sides is acceptable and even desired? WOW, things change.

If I was with a sex positive partner, I have StarFires instructions to try out.

Not what the OP asked but just another slice of history and what is in or out.


I agree with the guy going limp could be a sign he is concentrating on the vag skills or he isn't in to eating or licking the Y.

Another old time, miss-information, you have it wrong but it sold product. "Douche With Lysol for Feminine Hygiene"
https://worldhistory.us/american-history/douche-with-lysol-for-feminine-hygiene.php


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## TheDudeLebowski

arbitrator said:


> *Begging to differ with you Dude, well at least to me, it is definitely about strong feelings and love! If not, then maybe this old codger just has it all wrong!
> 
> I have no real desire to do sex with any gal unless there's the presence of some rather strong mutually built-up feelings!*


I don't have the level of desire for a woman to do what I do without the love there, so maybe I guess you're right. I think the love builds that raw desire, so maybe it's both. Touché sir!


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## arbitrator

TheDudeLebowski said:


> *I don't have the level of desire for a woman to do what I do without the love there, so maybe I guess you're right. I think the love builds that raw desire, so maybe it's both. Touché sir!*


*You're more than a good man, my friend!*


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## TheDudeLebowski

arbitrator said:


> *You're more than a good man, my friend!*


Thank you. You know, some day I might actually become convinced this is true.


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## arbitrator

TheDudeLebowski said:


> * Thank you. You know, some day I might actually become convinced this is true.*


*So what's remotely wrong with starting that thought process now?*


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## TheDudeLebowski

arbitrator said:


> *So what's remotely wrong with starting that thought process now?*


I'm arrogant enough as is. An actual belief in myself would only make things worse. Besides, we are all fallen...


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## She'sStillGotIt

Girl_power said:


> I am the blow job queen Bc I specifically asked my bf what he likes because I wanted to learn how to please him. After lots is practice I got it down for him.
> I don’t understand why people don’t do this to all their partners. I was literally like hey I am the only one allowed to suck ****, I want to do it right for you. I don’t understand why he can’t reciprocate the sentiment.


Yes you DO understand - you just want to keep *ignoring* all those red flags and go on pretending that he's a good guy when deep down, you know he's NOT.

This is not rocket science, Girl Power. You're knocking yourself out constantly giving to this guy - giving, giving, giving in EVERY sense of the word, and this stingy, using ass-hole just takes, takes, takes from you.

You see the passion _you_ have to want to please this user? Well, he doesn't HAVE that same passion for *you* and doesn't care if you enjoy sex or not, and doesn't care if you're satisfied or not. He doesn't care no matter how many smarmy claims he makes that he does. He doesn't. He's shown you over and over and over and over and over in every single facet of your 'relationship' how he's happy to take from you *every single opportunity he gets*, while giving you NOTHING in return so why on earth should it be any different when it comes to sex?

You give, he takes. That's how it works with users like him.

And you want to just keep turning a blind eye to it then posting threads wondering why this fool can't be bothered to do a damned thing for you. You can ignore this post too like my other one in this thread because it's way too close to the truth but you know I'm right - this guy is nothing more than a parasite who'll suck you dry (NOT in the way you want him to) and then go on to the next one when you finally wise up to him and kick his worthless ass to the curb where it belongs.


----------



## Girl_power

MJJEAN said:


> He's not actually into oral, in general, or you, in particular.
> 
> 
> 
> If you want a man who will frequently, skillfully, and enthusiastically go down on you...well... this isn't the guy.




Well he dated his last gf for 6 years and he went down on her once. He has been dating me for a few months and have went down on me probably... 5 times. So I don’t think it’s ME.


----------



## Girl_power

Also a few weeks ago I mentioned to him that my friends husband won’t go down on her, and she rarely goes down on her. And his response was... “I think we have an amazing sex life and we don’t often go down on each other.” And he basically said he would rather have PIV sex. And I am always “ready” so it’s not like I need it.


----------



## Girl_power

Also in defensive of my boyfriend... I come on here to complain and seek advice for the things that I view as bad in our relationship. I don’t talk about the good things so people get a one side story that’s negative. I am well aware that I am a very critical person.


----------



## notmyjamie

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I told my wife after father's day that she did the best one ever from her. It was a 7 out of 10 (I didn't tell her this) A really good job! I've only ever had a 10/10 once and every guy I know has had 1-3 in their life.
> 
> Not to discourage any lady out there. We believe in you!



So I have to ask...what has to happen for it to be a 10/10 vs a 6/10?


----------



## Girl_power

Spicy said:


> My husband has never given me oral sex. I miss it so much! My XH loved it and was great at it. Current hubby had a few gross experiences and then one really bad one, and has never done it since. I know if I pushed it, he would do it. I would never be able to relax and enjoy it, knowing he probably was hating it. We have extremely open conversations about everything, so we both understand where the other is coming from.
> 
> I don’t think it’s fair that I don’t get oral because some skanks he dated in the past had bad hygiene. It annoys me. It’s the way it is though, and I chose to accept that! I have recently stopped handing out bjs left and right. It’s hard because I really love his dong and I truly enjoying slurping on it. I’ve started holding off on them because our sex life is improving and I hope that soon he will miss them, and we will have a discussion about oral again. I want him to try it from the side, and of course me fresh out of a scorching shower. Maybe he will see it is not a big deal, and not what he remembers. Or maybe he will still hate it. Who knows.
> 
> I agree with everyone else. Tastes aren’t likely to change. It’s highly doubtful he will ever enjoy it, so I have decided to tolerate that it isn’t on the menu. If he can get his other skills up to par, I won’t care as much. We shall see. It’s an interesting journey.
> 
> I’m one of the ones that knew, and chose to marry in a situation that there is a sexual mismatch. We have made progress, some really good steps actually, and I hope I will never give up. We go together like biscuits and jam. We are truly very happy together. Do I get sad sometimes that my love life isn’t what I would ideally want? Yep. I’m pretty sure that since no one is perfect, we all have to give and take on getting the other person that checks every box for us. My guy checks everything else for me. I decided it was worth it, and I am still sure it is.
> 
> ——————
> Now, after reading the recap of @She'sStillGotIt on the other areas that are lacking in your relationship, only you can decide if you are okay with all of those things. Are you?




I think I portray my bf worse than he is. I mean he clearly isn’t perfect and either am I, no one is. He does make me happy though. Yes I wish he would do more but I will think that about every man. 
My ex husband went down on me all the time and I loved it, but he also did some horrible things to me, and said he would probably eventually cheat on me. Like who says that to someone. My boyfriend now may not love oral but he treats me way better, especially in the emotional/intimacy department.


----------



## MJJEAN

Girl_power said:


> Well he dated his last gf for 6 years and he went down on her once. He has been dating me for a few months and have went down on me probably... 5 times. So I don’t think it’s ME.


Frankly, all you know about his relationship with his ex is what he tells you. Which may or may not be factual. Considering he also claims to love oral sex and his actions show that not to be true, I'd say take anything he _says_ with a grain of salt and only believe what he _does_.


----------



## Girl_power

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Yes you DO understand - you just want to keep *ignoring* all those red flags and go on pretending that he's a good guy when deep down, you know he's NOT.
> 
> This is not rocket science, Girl Power. You're knocking yourself out constantly giving to this guy - giving, giving, giving in EVERY sense of the word, and this stingy, using ass-hole just takes, takes, takes from you.
> 
> You see the passion _you_ have to want to please this user? Well, he doesn't HAVE that same passion for *you* and doesn't care if you enjoy sex or not, and doesn't care if you're satisfied or not. He doesn't care no matter how many smarmy claims he makes that he does. He doesn't. He's shown you over and over and over and over and over in every single facet of your 'relationship' how he's happy to take from you *every single opportunity he gets*, while giving you NOTHING in return so why on earth should it be any different when it comes to sex?
> 
> You give, he takes. That's how it works with users like him.
> 
> And you want to just keep turning a blind eye to it then posting threads wondering why this fool can't be bothered to do a damned thing for you. You can ignore this post too like my other one in this thread because it's way too close to the truth but you know I'm right - this guy is nothing more than a parasite who'll suck you dry (NOT in the way you want him to) and then go on to the next one when you finally wise up to him and kick his worthless ass to the curb where it belongs.




I 100% disagree with this post. And same thing with @Spicy just because her husband doesn’t go down on her and she likes to go down on him doesn’t mean he is a user. Some men just don’t like it... and he does do it, and if I asked him I know he would do it and he says he likes to do it. He would always prefer PIV sex. Also it is important to him that I orgasm... he holds off forever until I either orgasm or give him permission to orgasm because I won’t be able to go. Yes I wish he would go down on me after sex, but I don’t blame him for not wanting to do it, men here have posted they don’t like to do it after they went in their women. 

As far as other aspects in our life things are great and we are progressing. It’s a progress, we are learning what and how we want to be treated. He literally will do anything I ask him to do, he just isn’t a mind reader. Now he is slowly learning what I want and expect.


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## 269370

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I've only ever had a 10/10 once



Do you remember his name?



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Girl_power

MJJEAN said:


> Frankly, all you know about his relationship with his ex is what he tells you. Which may or may not be factual. Considering he also claims to love oral sex and his actions show that not to be true, I'd say take anything he _says_ with a grain of salt and only believe what he _does_.




I agree! And he gets upset with me Bc I always kind of pick her side of things Bc i am a girls girl. Trust me I know his stories are skewed, everyone’s are. 
And yes he might be a little lazy, but so am I. Dating in your 30s is not easy. Also, I looked back on their conversations and she wanted to marry him so bad, she constantly sent him pics of the engagement rings she wanted. So things weren’t bad enough apparently from her point of view.

It’s funny Bc she recently posted something on Facebook about how hard it is to find a good man and dating in your 30s sucks, and basically listed all these dates she had and how terrible the guys were. My boyfriend is not perfect, but he is a good man.


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## EllisRedding

Girl_power said:


> Also a few weeks ago I mentioned to him that my friends husband won’t go down on her, and she rarely goes down on her. And his response was... “I think we have an amazing sex life and we don’t often go down on each other.” And he basically said he would rather have PIV sex. And I am always “ready” so it’s not like I need it.


Have you discussed with him the idea that you should always be taken care of first? So even if you start PIV, if you see its something that isn't going to get you to an O, stop and explore out routes until you get there (and then he can continue with PIV to completion afterwards)?

Maybe he is just uncomfortable with b/c he doesn't really know what he is doing? If so, have him read "She Cums first" or watch that Nina Hartley video on oral.

I do understand that for some guys it could be as simple as hygiene issues (not that your hygiene is bad but the idea for others of performing oral just doesn't sit well with them for one reason or another). I love going down on my W and do it often. However, the idea of going down on someone I just met is rather unappealing (not that you just met your BF, just highlighting differences). Likewise, I have no desire going down on my W after I have finished (which is why all that is done and she is taken care of before I finish).



Girl_power said:


> Also in defensive of my boyfriend... I come on here to complain and seek advice for the things that I view as bad in our relationship. I don’t talk about the good things so people get a one side story that’s negative. I am well aware that I am a very critical person.


Just wanted to highlight this as it is important. People here seem to lose sight of the fact that everything here is very one sided, especially on a site like this where people are more often here to vent.


----------



## ReformedHubby

Well OP it sounds like you are really okay with it. The only piece of advice I have for you relates to my marriage. My sex life with my wife was "decent". But with oral she didn't want me to finish in her mouth so I never did. I thought I was okay with this but over time I will admit that giving up something that is literally an acceptable activity in most bedrooms did make me a little bit resentful. When that marriage ended no way was I going to settle for a long term partner that had sexual hang ups. The thing that bothers me is you're going in the opposite direction. You had plenty of the oral you wanted with your ex husband, now you're choosing someone that will probably stop doing it all together fairly soon. I guess I feel like when you leave a long term relationship, thats the time to get what you really want. I am not compromising on anything anymore.


----------



## Girl_power

ReformedHubby said:


> Well OP it sounds like you are really okay with it. The only piece of advice I have for you relates to my marriage. My sex life with my wife was "decent". But with oral she didn't want me to finish in her mouth so I never did. I thought I was okay with this but over time I will admit that giving up something that is literally an acceptable activity in most bedrooms did make me a little bit resentful. When that marriage ended no way was I going to settle for a long term partner that had sexual hang ups. The thing that bothers me is you're going in the opposite direction. You had plenty of the oral you wanted with your ex husband, now you're choosing someone that will probably stop doing it all together fairly soon. I guess I feel like when you leave a long term relationship, thats the time to get what you really want. I am not compromising on anything anymore.




Finishing in her mouth is that important to you? I don’t understand this. How often did/do you want oral sex? 

Oral sex can often be one sided (not always), meaning one person gets all the pleasure and the other doesn’t get any, unless it’s reciprocated. Many times when someone has an orgasm they get tired and don’t want to work to get the other person an orgasm.


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## StillSearching

Personally, I wouldn't spend much time with a woman that did not give me oral and let me finish in her mouth. 
Yes, finishing in her mouth is a big deal. Shows desire to please me. 
But then again in all my years I've never had one that didn't do both. 
I made my desires very clear from the start. 
There is no compromising my needs.
They no longer become YOUR needs when you compromise them.

And yes I reciprocate for as long as it takes.


----------



## 269370

notmyjamie said:


> So I have to ask...what has to happen for it to be a 10/10 vs a 6/10?



Simples: just wait a few weeks before getting another blowjob and whatever you get will most likely be 12 out of 10!

Also....finding the male g spot earns a few extra points too! (Thanks to one of the TAM members, who made me discover it, forgot his name, it was a funny one. But wife is now a sexpert!)




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## ReformedHubby

Girl_power said:


> Finishing in her mouth is that important to you? I don’t understand this. How often did/do you want oral sex?
> 
> Oral sex can often be one sided (not always), meaning one person gets all the pleasure and the other doesn’t get any, unless it’s reciprocated. Many times when someone has an orgasm they get tired and don’t want to work to get the other person an orgasm.


Its not about how often or how many times. Its also not like I wanted to do that every time. It was more about knowing that it would never ever be on the menu. Its not a reason to end a relationship...but....its is enough to make you feel like you're missing out. The point I was trying to make is I wouldn't knowingly choose someone that had any hang ups about the things I enjoy sexually. But....all of us are different. It seems you are ok with the possibility of giving up oral sex completely, which means it isn't all that important to you. Its important to me. Not so important I would dump someone I cared about...but...at this point I wouldn't get serious about anyone that wasn't really into giving oral so I guess thats a moot point.


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## 269370

StillSearching said:


> Personally, I wouldn't spend much time with a woman that did not give me oral and let me finish in her mouth.
> Yes, finishing in her mouth is a big deal. Shows desire to please me.
> But then again in all my years I've never had one that didn't do both.
> I made my desires very clear from the start.
> There is no compromising my needs.
> They no longer become YOUR needs when you compromise them.
> 
> And yes I reciprocate for as long as it takes.




First date question that will simplify everyone’s lives:

If I were a watermelon, would you spit, swallow or gargle my seeds?











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## ReformedHubby

StillSearching said:


> Personally, I wouldn't spend much time with a woman that did not give me oral and let me finish in her mouth.
> Yes, finishing in her mouth is a big deal. Shows desire to please me.
> But then again in all my years I've never had one that didn't do both.
> I made my desires very clear from the start.
> There is no compromising my needs.
> They no longer become YOUR needs when you compromise them.
> 
> And yes I reciprocate for as long as it takes.


Yeah...pretty much every woman I was with was fine with it EXCEPT, the one I married. I did in fact compromise. Told myself it wasn't a big deal. But.....never...is a long time to commit to. Ironically I am still friends with my wife, and we do indeed talk about sex and dating sometimes. She says she knows she is going to have to give BJs "all the way" now, she actually feels kind of bad about some of the hang ups she had when we were married. So now the new guy is going to get the sexier version of her. Sigh.....whomever he is he better send me a watch on my birthday. You're welcome sir!


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## Lila

Girl_power said:


> I don’t know what I am looking for on here... maybe hearing from guys that don’t like to do it and why? *I think I am just going to try to be more selfish and push him down there or something.* I hate it when orgasmed aren’t reciprocated, and I understand that sometimes it happens, but I don’t think it should be 4/10 times.


I am not a guy but am posting to recommend you NOT physically push your bf to give you oral sex unless you two have talked about that and he's given you consent to do so.

You can wish things were different and feel righteous indignation they are not but neither will change who he is. You can accept him, warts and all, or let him go.


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## 269370

ReformedHubby said:


> Its not about how often or how many times. Its also not like I wanted to do that every time. It was more about knowing that it would never ever be on the menu. Its not a reason to end a relationship...but....its is enough to make you feel like you're missing out.


Surely there are many other things that you _know_ will never be on the menu too? Where do you draw the line?
It seems a bit like it's just a principle (ticking a box) and doesn't actually increase pleasure.
(I know it doesn't because I have done both. It's mostly psychological; I find it hard getting myself to just finish in her mouth - despite requests to just do it - because the taste can't be that good...despite how some women pretend to that it's not, in spite of gagging/having tears in their eyes). I would rather make her a cheese cake; same calories count and also tastes bit salty.


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## 269370

ReformedHubby said:


> Yeah...pretty much every woman I was with was fine with it EXCEPT, the one I married.




Also that's because men tend to stop getting BJs after marriage; haven't you heard? The taste of male seed becomes unbearable after the wedding all of a sudden


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## Lila

ReformedHubby said:


> Yeah...pretty much every woman I was with was fine with it EXCEPT, the one I married. I did in fact compromise. Told myself it wasn't a big deal. But.....never...is a long time to commit to. Ironically I am still friends with my wife, and we do indeed talk about sex and dating sometimes. *She says she knows she is going to have to give BJs "all the way" now*, she actually feels kind of bad about some of the hang ups she had when we were married. So now the new guy is going to get the sexier version of her. Sigh.....whomever he is he better send me a watch on my birthday. You're welcome sir!


Why does she feel she has to give BJs all the way? 

I don't understand this way of thinking. I would advise her to know her hard boundaries and stick with them. 

She should be looking for someone who is sexually compatible in every way not doing things she detests to win someone over. That's an easy way to build a false relationship and a lot of resentment long term.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

InMyPrime said:


> That’s because most guys on here seem to have wives that don’t let them go down on them...or don’t let them do anything at all...Maybe if that wasn’t the case, the ‘novelty’ would perhaps wear off quicker for more guys to more ‘accurately’ represent reality
> 
> Having said that, if there was place I would be willing to die, it would be with my face deep between my wife’s beautiful legs...(and I ‘die’ there almost every day).
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I don't know about most here but it's regular faire for us. I do pre PIV every time. For one or more Os for her.


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## ReformedHubby

Lila said:


> Why does she feel she has to give BJs all the way?
> 
> I don't understand this way of thinking. I would advise her to know her hard boundaries and stick with them.
> 
> She should be looking for someone who is sexually compatible in every way not doing things she detests to win someone over. That's an easy way to build a false relationship and a lot of resentment long term.


Its not that...she honestly feels she was a bit too reserved, and having been married to her, I agree. She is ready to break out of her shell. I am literally the only man she has ever been with. There is a lot she wants to try, and a lot of those things are things she wished she had done when she was married to me.


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## StillSearching

InMyPrime said:


> Simples: *just wait a few weeks before getting another blowjob* and whatever you get will most likely be 12 out of 10!
> 
> Also....finding the male g spot earns a few extra points too! (Thanks to one of the TAM members, who made me discover it, forgot his name, it was a funny one. But wife is now a sexpert!)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


ahhhhhh.....Negative Ghostrider!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I don't have the level of desire for a woman to do what I do without the love there, so maybe I guess you're right. I think the love builds that raw desire, so maybe it's both. Touché sir!


I can have raw desire without love, at least in single days

Strong liking, and knowing each other's grooming habits a bit, before, was good enough.


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## Girl_power

Some people have really set hard lines on sexual needs. Like they won’t put up with their sexual needs not being met. It’s kind of harsh sounding. 
My ex husband and I had a deal... I will try my hardest to sexually satisfy him, and he will try his hardest to satisfy my romantic needs. 
I often find men expect their sexual needs to be fulfilled without fulfilling their wives other needs... romance, intimacy, etc.


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## 269370

Girl_power said:


> Some people have really set hard lines on sexual needs. Like they won’t put up with their sexual needs not being met. It’s kind of harsh sounding.
> My ex husband and I had a deal... I will try my hardest to sexually satisfy him, and he will try his hardest to satisfy my romantic needs.
> I often find men expect their sexual needs to be fulfilled without fulfilling their wives other needs... romance, intimacy, etc.



Where does the cunning lingus fit in for you then: romantic or sexual?



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## StarFires

Girl_power said:


> I agree! And he gets upset with me Bc I always kind of pick her side of things Bc i am a girls girl. Trust me I know his stories are skewed, everyone’s are.
> And yes he might be a little lazy, but so am I. Dating in your 30s is not easy. Also, I looked back on their conversations and she wanted to marry him so bad, she constantly sent him pics of the engagement rings she wanted. So things weren’t bad enough apparently from her point of view.
> 
> It’s funny Bc she recently posted something on Facebook about how hard it is to find a good man and dating in your 30s sucks, and basically listed all these dates she had and how terrible the guys were. My boyfriend is not perfect, but he is a good man.


So now I have to wonder what on earth could possibly left. After all that you have said and complained about him, what's left that makes him a good man?

And what is a good man by your definition because from what you've told us, all I can see is that he's ticked every box at failure that matters. As another poster recognized and noted, it doesn't automatically make a guy a good man just because he doesn't treat her badly.


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## Girl_power

InMyPrime said:


> Where does the cunning lingus fit in for you then: romantic or sexual?
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




I don’t get the rhetorical question. It’s sexual obviously.


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## 269370

ReformedHubby said:


> She says she knows she is going to have to give BJs "all the way" now, she actually feels kind of bad about some of the hang ups she had when we were married. So now the new guy is going to get the sexier version of her.



Could it be it’s because he is ‘new’? 
I established a rule since the beginning for us and it’s the other way around: have my wife do all the boring stuff with all the other guys and save the dirty stuff for us 



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## 269370

Girl_power said:


> I don’t get the rhetorical question. It’s sexual obviously.



It’s not rhetorical, I meant that if you had an agreement with him that you fulfil his sexual needs and he fulfils your romantic needs, it means that he is fulfilling his part of the deal (unless you also have complaints about his romantic performance) 
Perhaps you need to redefine the conditions of the deal? Your complaint seems to be regarding his sexual performance unless I misunderstood something.


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## Girl_power

StarFires said:


> So now I have to wonder what on earth could possibly left. After all that you have said and complained about him, what's left that makes him a good man?
> 
> And what is a good man by your definition because from what you've told us, all I can see is that he's ticked every box at failure that matters. As another poster recognized and noted, it doesn't automatically make a guy a good man just because he doesn't treat her badly.




I don’t understand why he seems so bad to you. 
He is a good man. He treats me good. He doesn’t lie, he is very kind, he would do anything I ask, he is respectful to me and others. 
We haven’t been dating for that long... we are still figuring our boundaries. Just because he didn’t take the initiative and make me dinner and clean my apartment doesn’t mean he is a user. He buys me things, always pays for dinner or at least tries to. He isn’t perfect but he isn’t as bad as your making him out to be.


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## Girl_power

InMyPrime said:


> It’s not rhetorical, I meant that if you had an agreement with him that you fulfil his sexual needs and he fulfils your romantic needs, it means that he is fulfilling his part of the deal (unless you also have complaints about his romantic performance)
> Perhaps you need to redefine the conditions of the deal?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




This was my ex husband. And he is my EX husband for a reason.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Girl_power said:


> Some people have really set hard lines on sexual needs. Like they won’t put up with their sexual needs not being met. It’s kind of harsh sounding.
> My ex husband and I had a deal... I will try my hardest to sexually satisfy him, and he will try his hardest to satisfy my romantic needs.
> I often find men expect their sexual needs to be fulfilled without fulfilling their wives other needs... romance, intimacy, etc.


Whereas I see what you're saying the H can, or sometimes will even if not all the time, see it from the opposite direction reversing your two conditions and his. Isn't unusual. 

As long as all are trying, yes, that's the key. Balance in all things.


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## Tex X

Girl_power said:


> Some people have really set hard lines on sexual needs. Like they won’t put up with their sexual needs not being met. It’s kind of harsh sounding.
> My ex husband and I had a deal... I will try my hardest to sexually satisfy him, and he will try his hardest to satisfy my romantic needs.
> I often find men expect their sexual needs to be fulfilled without fulfilling their wives other needs... romance, intimacy, etc.


Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship. Just like anything else in a relationship it's about each other's wants and needs. If your needs aren't being met in a relationship it will eventually cause problems. You may not think it's a big deal now, but if you stay with this guy and continue to be unsatisfied with the sex (ie - lack of orgasms), this will magnify the issues in other areas of the relationship tremendously. You will eventually grow very frustrated. You're dating - not married. Someone else said this, but why not find someone who checks 'all' the boxes? People get comfortable and rationalize that "well he/she is perfect in every other way, so <insert subject here> isn't really that big of a deal". That's your gut telling you something is off - always trust your gut. It is a big deal.


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## Girl_power

I think that my boyfriend and I just need to have a discussion about what our expectations/desires/needs are and what we want sorta thing. Everyone is different, everyone has different needs, and no one is a mind reader. I like to believe we all want to make our significant other happy we just need to know how.


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## CharlieParker

Girl_power said:


> we are still figuring our boundaries.


Along the same lines, you need figure out your deal breakers.


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## Girl_power

Tex X said:


> Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship. Just like anything else in a relationship it's about each other's wants and needs. If your needs aren't being met in a relationship it will eventually cause problems. You may not think it's a big deal now, but if you stay with this guy and continue to be unsatisfied with the sex (ie - lack of orgasms), this will magnify the issues in other areas of the relationship tremendously. You will eventually grow very frustrated. You're dating - not married. Someone else said this, but why not find someone who checks 'all' the boxes? People get comfortable and rationalize that "well he/she is perfect in every other way, so <insert subject here> isn't really that big of a deal". That's your gut telling you something is off - always trust your gut. It is a big deal.




Because no one will ever check off all my boxes.


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## 269370

Girl_power said:


> This was my ex husband. And he is my EX husband for a reason.



Ah ok, sorry, my bad. So with your new partner, I guess you also need the sexual part then for it to be acceptable.
I think the good thing is that he seems to be willing to do it. Maybe you just need to teach him how to do it better (and more often). I don’t see this as a big deal. Practice makes perfect.


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## StarFires

InMyPrime said:


> Simples: just wait a few weeks before getting another blowjob and whatever you get will most likely be 12 out of 10!
> 
> Also....finding the male g spot earns a few extra points too! (Thanks to one of the TAM members, who made me discover it, forgot his name, it was a funny one. But wife is now a sexpert!)


Ah yes, the male g spot. Anal play and gooch play. He loves them, and I love driving him crazy.

Know what the gooch is?


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## 269370

StarFires said:


> Ah yes, the male g spot. Anal play and gooch play. He loves them, and I love driving him crazy.
> 
> 
> 
> Know what the gooch is?



Now I do  (looked it up!)


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## StarFires

Girl_power said:


> I don’t get the rhetorical question. It’s sexual obviously.


It's possible he's as confused by your comment as I am because it's a little contradictive.


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## StarFires

InMyPrime said:


> Now I do  (looked it up!)
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



Have her do that too. Then she'll REALLY be a sexpert with all the basis covered.


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## 269370

StarFires said:


> Have her do that too. Then she'll REALLY be a sexpert with all the basis covered.




Alright..I will come back with feedback in a bit...Customer satis***tion guarantee is important! 

Since we are exchanging tips...I did something the other day that she found kind of sexplosive: running two fingers in parallel up and down slowly (on either sides of the clit) while doing the lingus thing...Different sensation and more intense apparently.

In general with oral, I find that it’s more the timing and right pressure rather than precise technique: if you start very slowly and gently (and take AGES, and I mean ages: that means that when you think it was ages, you triple it and then quadruple it). Then you build up slowly and it won’t be that hard for her to climax. Whereas if you start too rough and quick, it will be hard to build from that. Precise guidance on speed & pressure is difficult because you have to attune yourself with her.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

I can say, I will play Alexa / blues playlist created just for this event. A couple or more actually spanning Clapton to Bonamassa, to give me a good rhythm rhythm and reference, duration background.

Spanning songs, rhythms, injecting my own variations, pianissimo, fortissimo, throughout while I gauge my "audience" responses has been very successful to reaching consistent crescendos and applause!

hehehe.

Sometimes Led Zeppelin playlist. Depends on our moods going in.

I put a lot of thought into planning, conducting, toys and variations ahead of time. Just always have.

I guess this is one successful way, ymmv.

❤ luscious. The best descriptor.


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## Tex X

Girl_power said:


> Because no one will ever check off all my boxes.


Fair enough, but I personally would not be willing to to settle for a sub par sex life. That box is near the top of my list in bold.


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## uhtred

This is a strange one - but for some men, finishing in their partners mouth is important. I can't say why - it just is. I guess if you think about it a lot of sexual activities don't make sense if you try to over analyze them. 

IMHO the above should of course be coupled with doing whatever their partner most enjoys to get off. 





Girl_power said:


> Finishing in her mouth is that important to you? I don’t understand this. How often did/do you want oral sex?
> 
> Oral sex can often be one sided (not always), meaning one person gets all the pleasure and the other doesn’t get any, unless it’s reciprocated. Many times when someone has an orgasm they get tired and don’t want to work to get the other person an orgasm.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Talking about strange to me, where some women asked to be choked while having sex. 

Maybe it's just me but in my M that has never ever come up.

Sorry for the little sidebar.


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## uhtred

There seems to be an interesting dynamic in some relationships with mismatched sexual desire. The higher desire person ends up doing everything they possible can to please their partner, while the lower desire person becomes... well lazy. The HD person feels that if they put in enough effort the LD person will up their game to some extent, while the LD person finds that they can get whatever sex they want whenever the want with no need to do anything that they don't enjoy. The HDs attempts to do everything for their partner might actually be having a negative effect. 

So there are women who post about being a dream-lover to partners who do almost nothing in return. And the reverse for men. I imagine how fantastic it must be if the HDs from 2 mismatched relationships finally get together and each find out what it is like to be with someone who is happy to do everything they can for their partner's pleasure. We probably never hear about it because they are too busy having the best sex in the world every waking hour.


I think sexual compatibility is vital for a happy relationship.


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## Married but Happy

uhtred said:


> I imagine how fantastic it must be if the HDs from 2 mismatched relationships finally get together and each find out what it is like to be with someone who is happy to do everything they can for their partner's pleasure. We probably never hear about it because they are too busy having the best sex in the world every waking hour.


My wife and I _are_ those 2 HDs from previous mismatched relationships, and we don't have to imagine how fantastic it actually is to be with someone completely compatible sexually - we know! Even after 20 years, we have sex almost daily. However, even in the early years (with sex 2 or 3 times a day) we couldn't have great sex every waking hour. There were still jobs, kids, chores, and other commitments to fill the gaps.


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## Cletus

InMyPrime said:


> Do you remember his name?


Probably not, but I bet he could pick his face out of a lineup.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

uhtred said:


> There seems to be an interesting dynamic in some relationships with mismatched sexual desire. The higher desire person ends up doing everything they possible can to please their partner, while the lower desire person becomes... well lazy. The HD person feels that if they put in enough effort the LD person will up their game to some extent, while the LD person finds that they can get whatever sex they want whenever the want with no need to do anything that they don't enjoy. The HDs attempts to do everything for their partner might actually be having a negative effect.
> 
> So there are women who post about being a dream-lover to partners who do almost nothing in return. And the reverse for men.


Bingo. It's not that these are self-delusional people with a hopelessly inflated and unsubstantiated view of their own efforts, but rather that these are the people who have been the _*most *_motivated to improve themselves in this area. If they have been unsuccessful, it's at least partly because their partner has been unwilling to work with them.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

uhtred said:


> There seems to be an interesting dynamic in some relationships with mismatched sexual desire. The higher desire person ends up doing everything they possible can to please their partner, while the lower desire person becomes... well lazy. The HD person feels that if they put in enough effort the LD person will up their game to some extent, while the LD person finds that they can get whatever sex they want whenever the want with no need to do anything that they don't enjoy. The HDs attempts to do everything for their partner might actually be having a negative effect.
> 
> So there are women who post about being a dream-lover to partners who do almost nothing in return. And the reverse for men. I imagine how fantastic it must be if the HDs from 2 mismatched relationships finally get together and each find out what it is like to be with someone who is happy to do everything they can for their partner's pleasure. We probably never hear about it because they are too busy having the best sex in the world every waking hour.
> 
> 
> I think sexual compatibility is vital for a happy relationship.


It's a fact, sometimes women want to be used sexually and that's it. I don't try to over think that, and never did.

The man needs to be intuitive and observant in all escapades, that part is a constant.

But some one night stands, many repeats, and throughout marriages bear the take me and use me encounters in my experience. 

Totally against the intimacy and romantic theory but again I don't dwell on it. Just enjoy it.


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## Cletus

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> It's a fact, sometimes women want to be used sexually and that's it. I don't try to over think that, and never did.
> 
> The man needs to be intuitive and observant in all escapades, that part is a constant.
> 
> But some one night stands, many repeats, and throughout marriages bear the take me and use me encounters in my experience.


Then your experience is, if not limited, not comprehensive.

Any time I get near a take-what-I-want situation, I get very clear feedback that the next time I consider behaving that way, I'll be doing it with my new prosthetic. Or, on a good day, grim and callous resignation. Yeah, it's about as arousing as it sounds.

Let's take this topic as a f'r instance. The wifey gets all grossed out over the topic of oral sex. One day a while back, when I reiterated that we had never tried it and I was up for it, she claimed that maybe one day if she was good and hammered she might allow it just to shut me the hell up.

So we spent the afternoon wine tasting a few months ago. I was the DD, but she got very well lubricated. We wound up in bed, and I made a move. Got shut down immediately with a "I'm not letting you take advantage of me while I'm drunk".


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## Girl_power

Cletus said:


> Then your experience is, if not limited, not comprehensive.
> 
> Any time I get near a take-what-I-want situation, I get very clear feedback that the next time I consider behaving that way, I'll be doing it with my new prosthetic. Or, on a good day, grim and callous resignation. Yeah, it's about as arousing as it sounds.
> 
> Let's take this topic as a f'r instance. The wifey gets all grossed out over the topic of oral sex. One day a while back, when I reiterated that we had never tried it and I was up for it, she claimed that maybe one day if she was good and hammered she might allow it just to shut me the hell up.
> 
> So we spent the afternoon wine tasting a few months ago. I was the DD, but she got very well lubricated. We wound up in bed, and I made a move. Got shut down immediately with a "I'm not letting you take advantage of me while I'm drunk".




Wait you doing it to her or her doing it to you?


----------



## ReformedHubby

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Talking about strange to me, where some women asked to be choked while having sex.
> 
> Maybe it's just me but in my M that has never ever come up.
> 
> Sorry for the little sidebar.


My ex girlfriend was into this. At first it made me very uncomfortable, and being honest there are other things she would ask for that I simply couldn't do. But....I did engage with some choke play with her. It was very obvious that it was a huge turn on for her. So I obliged her. I guess I feel like part of being a considerate lover is doing the things that makes the other person happy. We were vanilla most of the time, but I would engage in her kinks sometimes, because I cared about her needs. She more than met mine, so it seemed only fair, and I didn't judge her for liking it rough on occasion. /End Thread Jack


----------



## Buddy400

Girl_power said:


> Also... when he has gone down on me he comes up and he is soft, so I can tell he doesn’t like it.


This isn't true. While going down on my wife, I often lose my erection. I need to focus on what I'm doing to be successful.

In greatly enjoy giving my wife oral sex.



Girl_power said:


> I don’t know what I am looking for on here... maybe hearing from guys that don’t like to do it and why? I think I am just going to try to be more selfish and push him down there or something.


A woman may have a very good reason for not wanting to give me (or anyone else) oral sex. That's fine. She's just not going to be my girlfriend.

One of the following is true:

1) He really doesn't like giving oral sex
2) He's insecure about his abilities in that area (not having done it much in the past)
3) He doesn't care much about your happiness

Find out which it is. Let him know how important this is to you.

Hopefully it will be #2



Girl_power said:


> I hate it when orgasmed aren’t reciprocated, and I understand that sometimes it happens, but I don’t think it should be 4/10 times.


Agreed


----------



## Buddy400

Girl_power said:


> I am the blow job queen Bc I specifically asked my bf what he likes because I wanted to learn how to please him. After lots is practice I got it down for him.
> I don’t understand why people don’t do this to all their partners. I was literally like hey I am the only one allowed to suck ****, I want to do it right for you. I don’t understand why he can’t reciprocate the sentiment.


Unfortunately, givers (like you) seem to pair up with takers.


----------



## Cletus

Girl_power said:


> Wait you doing it to her or her doing it to you?


In the case referenced, me to her. The attitude is giver/receiver neutral, however.


----------



## CharlieParker

Buddy400 said:


> Unfortunately, givers (like you) seem to pair up with takers.


You can't change a 68. 

I haven't really followed this thread but he sounds like one. From @sixty-eight 's TAM bio (hope you are well, * waves *), "He wants you to go down on him, but he won't return the favor. Like, it would be sixty-nine, but he owes you one."


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Cletus said:


> Then your experience is, if not limited, not comprehensive.
> 
> Any time I get near a take-what-I-want situation, I get very clear feedback that the next time I consider behaving that way, I'll be doing it with my new prosthetic. Or, on a good day, grim and callous resignation. Yeah, it's about as arousing as it sounds.
> 
> Let's take this topic as a f'r instance. The wifey gets all grossed out over the topic of oral sex. One day a while back, when I reiterated that we had never tried it and I was up for it, she claimed that maybe one day if she was good and hammered she might allow it just to shut me the hell up.
> 
> So we spent the afternoon wine tasting a few months ago. I was the DD, but she got very well lubricated. We wound up in bed, and I made a move. Got shut down immediately with a "I'm not letting you take advantage of me while I'm drunk".


So much for intoxication meaning unable to consent!


----------



## Buddy400

uhtred said:


> I imagine how fantastic it must be if the HDs from 2 mismatched relationships finally get together and each find out what it is like to be with someone who is happy to do everything they can for their partner's pleasure. We probably never hear about it because they are too busy having the best sex in the world every waking hour.


They'd probably be unhappy because they'd be fighting over who's turn it was to please the other.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Buddy400 said:


> They'd probably be unhappy because they'd be fighting over who's turn it was to please the other.


Yep. Like the old Chip and Dale cartoon

Chip: After you!
Dale: Oh, no, after you!
Chip: Please, after you!
Dale: I insist, after you!
etc. 

My first LTR was with a totally subservient giver. That didn't work well for me. I'm now 32 years married to a total taker. There are times I've had about enough of that, even though I'm naturally far too much of a giver. 

There's got to be some good women (and men) who lie between the extremes?


----------



## Diana7

Girl_power said:


> Every guy I have ever dated loved to go down on me or at least said they did and did it frequently. Yes I haven’t dated that many people but still... so my current boyfriend clearly doesn’t love it even though he says he likes it Bc he rarely does it and he doesn’t do it for a long time. For the record... I am always clean, and I am bare down there (laser), and I never smell. He told me that I have the best smelling vagina he has been with. We got into a weird convo last night and I asked him how often he went down on his ex gf of 6 years and he said only once! Then I asked how many time did she go down on him and he said maybe 10. That’s it.
> 
> I came out of a 7 year marriage where my ex would go down on me every time I didn’t have an orgasm with PIV which was frequently... and he always made sure I had an orgasm 100% of the time.
> 
> With my current boyfriend... he lasts a long time but sometimes I cant orgasm with PIV. But when he is done, he is done. And it annoys me because I have a high sex drive and I love to orgasm too. When I have my period and it’s heavy I always give him BJs to completion with him finishing in my mouth. Bc I know he is horny and I feel like it’s my job to give him an orgasm. Plus of course I want to do it. So I love having him finish in my mouth? Do I love to gag on him? Of course not, but I love to make him happy. I just wish that he had the same mentality as I do but he doesn’t. It’s frustrating sexually.
> 
> Also... when he has gone down on me he comes up and he is soft, so I can tell he doesn’t like it.
> 
> I don’t know what I am looking for on here... maybe hearing from guys that don’t like to do it and why? I think I am just going to try to be more selfish and push him down there or something. I hate it when orgasmed aren’t reciprocated, and I understand that sometimes it happens, but I don’t think it should be 4/10 times.


Why does everyone have to be the same and like the same things? There are other ways for you to orgasm, with his fingers or a vibrator.


----------



## Buddy400

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Yep. Like the old Chip and Dale cartoon
> 
> Chip: After you!
> Dale: Oh, no, after you!
> Chip: Please, after you!
> Dale: I insist, after you!
> etc.
> 
> My first LTR was with a totally subservient giver. That didn't work well for me. I'm now 32 years married to a total taker. There are times I've had about enough of that, even though I'm naturally far too much of a giver.
> 
> There's got to be some good women (and men) who lie between the extremes?


That cartoon is exactly what I had in mind!

My wife and I sometimes describe our marriage as being so successful because we share a common interest; her happiness.

But really, what's needed is for a giver to match up with a taker who has a conscience. That worked for me.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Buddy400 said:


> That cartoon is exactly what I had in mind!
> 
> My wife and I sometimes describe our marriage as being so successful because we share a common interest; her happiness.
> 
> But really, what's needed is for a giver to match up with a taker who has a conscience. That worked for me.


Awesome post. My wife is trying very hard to grow a conscience.


----------



## Girl_power

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Yep. Like the old Chip and Dale cartoon
> 
> 
> 
> Chip: After you!
> 
> Dale: Oh, no, after you!
> 
> Chip: Please, after you!
> 
> Dale: I insist, after you!
> 
> etc.
> 
> 
> 
> My first LTR was with a totally subservient giver. That didn't work well for me. I'm now 32 years married to a total taker. There are times I've had about enough of that, even though I'm naturally far too much of a giver.
> 
> 
> 
> There's got to be some good women (and men) who lie between the extremes?




But why didn’t you give more to the subservient giver?


----------



## ReformedHubby

Diana7 said:


> Why does everyone have to be the same and like the same things? There are other ways for you to orgasm, with his fingers or a vibrator.


Of course there are, I am not the OP...but giving up something that you are used to does require some thought. I am thinking oral is one of her favorite things. I am not a women but getting there for me does feel different depending on the vehicle that bought me there. I think the OP likes the car that says "oral". With that said it sounds like she is okay without it now, so perhaps she is thinking the same way that you are about it.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Girl_power said:


> But why didn’t you give more to the subservient giver?


I did give, or at least try. She was uncomfortable receiving. She had some very deep seated belief that she didn't deserve. I tried very hard to help her through that. It was very tough sledding. 

But the real reason we were not long term compatible is tangential to that: that I didn't like being with someone who lived only for me and, correspondingly that I didn't like being the only one responsible for her happiness. I very much wanted a woman I could see as my equal. It's hard to respect one who is so dependent. We both had a lot of growing up to do and we probably weren't the ones to help each other through that journey. 

On the other hand, my wife of 32 years and I have, for the most part, facilitated, and take joy in each others' growth. But there's definitely an element of "be careful what you wish for" here. I got a strong woman, but she's a serious taker, to an unhealthy, unbalanced level. Which would be cool if she was as demanding in the sex department as in the rest of our lives. I'd love to give more in that area, but she expects/wants little. 

.... and had I stuck with my former flame, I have no doubt there'd be plenty of oral (both ways).


----------



## 269370

Tex X said:


> Fair enough, but I personally would not be willing to to settle for a sub par sex life. That box is near the top of my list in bold.



Not being able to finish in somebody’s mouth is not something I would personally associate with a subpar sex life...
Not allowed to do a Dirty Sanchez on the other hand....


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----------



## 269370

uhtred said:


> There seems to be an interesting dynamic in some relationships with mismatched sexual desire. The higher desire person ends up doing everything they possible can to please their partner, while the lower desire person becomes... well lazy. The HD person feels that if they put in enough effort the LD person will up their game to some extent, while the LD person finds that they can get whatever sex they want whenever the want with no need to do anything that they don't enjoy. The HDs attempts to do everything for their partner might actually be having a negative effect.
> 
> 
> 
> So there are women who post about being a dream-lover to partners who do almost nothing in return. And the reverse for men. I imagine how fantastic it must be if the HDs from 2 mismatched relationships finally get together and each find out what it is like to be with someone who is happy to do everything they can for their partner's pleasure. We probably never hear about it because they are too busy having the best sex in the world every waking hour.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I think sexual compatibility is vital for a happy relationship.



I think it might be a bit idealistic...and simplistic. Sexual compatibility doesn’t necessarily mean pairing up HD with HD and LD with LD. It might be the case that HD and LD will be compatible precisely because of a ‘mismatch’...But to understand this we first need to get rid of these rubbish terms like HD and LD.
I think we are very compatible because we have different drives: I am the pursuer, she is the gazelle. And we like it this way.
I probably could find things to complain about if I tried really hard but I couldn’t imagine having any more ‘compatibility’ with anyone else even though our sex drives are so totally different. It’s like plus and minus/opposite attracts etc. Even if I had a choice between having starfish sex with wife for rest of my life versus acrobatic HD sex with someone really skilful and ‘compatible’, I would still choose the former.


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----------



## 269370

Cletus said:


> Then your experience is, if not limited, not comprehensive.
> 
> Any time I get near a take-what-I-want situation, I get very clear feedback that the next time I consider behaving that way, I'll be doing it with my new prosthetic. Or, on a good day, grim and callous resignation. Yeah, it's about as arousing as it sounds.
> 
> Let's take this topic as a f'r instance. The wifey gets all grossed out over the topic of oral sex. One day a while back, when I reiterated that we had never tried it and I was up for it, she claimed that maybe one day if she was good and hammered she might allow it just to shut me the hell up.
> 
> So we spent the afternoon wine tasting a few months ago. I was the DD, but she got very well lubricated. We wound up in bed, and I made a move. Got shut down immediately with a "I'm not letting you take advantage of me while I'm drunk".



Next time make sure she’s drunk enough then  Sounds like she might have control issues. 


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----------



## 269370

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Talking about strange to me, where some women asked to be choked while having sex.
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe it's just me but in my M that has never ever come up.
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry for the little sidebar.



I think more women are into this or have those tendencies than many assume...I would guess over 50%. 
We do a variety of things but submissive non consent/rapey type stuff with some humiliation and pain thrown in, is something that always drives her nuts...
Nothing gives me more pleasure than hurting and humiliating my loved one... It used to freak me out but now it’s just another Wednesday night in the dungeons here after the the kids go to bed....
Which reminds me I need to sharped some of the instruments for later and remember how to tie some knots...


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----------



## 269370

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Yep. Like the old Chip and Dale cartoon
> 
> 
> 
> Chip: After you!
> 
> Dale: Oh, no, after you!
> 
> Chip: Please, after you!
> 
> Dale: I insist, after you!
> 
> etc.
> 
> 
> 
> My first LTR was with a totally subservient giver. That didn't work well for me. I'm now 32 years married to a total taker. There are times I've had about enough of that, even though I'm naturally far too much of a giver.
> 
> 
> 
> There's got to be some good women (and men) who lie between the extremes?




Yes there are. There are also men that don’t mind and don’t complain about giving.


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----------



## 269370

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I did give, or at least try. She was uncomfortable receiving. She had some very deep seated belief that she didn't deserve. I tried very hard to help her through that. It was very tough sledding.
> 
> 
> 
> But the real reason we were not long term compatible is tangential to that: that I didn't like being with someone who lived only for me and, correspondingly that I didn't like being the only one responsible for her happiness. I very much wanted a woman I could see as my equal. It's hard to respect one who is so dependent. We both had a lot of growing up to do and we probably weren't the ones to help each other through that journey.
> 
> 
> 
> On the other hand, my wife of 32 years and I have, for the most part, facilitated, and take joy in each others' growth. But there's definitely an element of "be careful what you wish for" here. I got a strong woman, but she's a serious taker, to an unhealthy, unbalanced level. Which would be cool if she was as demanding in the sex department as in the rest of our lives. I'd love to give more in that area, but she expects/wants little.


I don’t quite understand: your complaint is that your wife is a ‘serious taker’ but you’d love to give more and also complain that she’s not demanding more..? What did I miss?





Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> .... and had I stuck with my former flame, I have no doubt there'd be plenty of oral (both ways).



You mean like oral arguments? Maybe.




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----------



## Cletus

InMyPrime said:


> Next time make sure she’s drunk enough then  Sounds like she might have control issues.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


No, she holds her liquor pretty well...

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----------



## StarFires

Girl_power said:


> I don’t understand why he seems so bad to you.
> He is a good man. He treats me good. He doesn’t lie, he is very kind, he would do anything I ask, he is respectful to me and others.
> We haven’t been dating for that long... we are still figuring our boundaries. Just because he didn’t take the initiative and make me dinner and clean my apartment doesn’t mean he is a user. He buys me things, always pays for dinner or at least tries to. He isn’t perfect but he isn’t as bad as your making him out to be.


Okay, I get it. We outsiders have a tendency to only go by what posters write about with no idea of all the things he does do well or how he makes you feel. It just seems that the things you talked about or complained about would probably be pretty big factors for me in determining his suitability as my partner.

I get on my husband's nerves because he's always picking up after me. I get on my own nerves sometimes. I keep a clean and meticulously organized home. Everything in its place and sparkling. My linen closet is organized such that towels and washcloths are folded in order of likeness so if you reach for one, you also reach for its matching set. But I'm not a neat freak. If I read the newspaper, I'll probably leave it right there. Although my closet is organized according to suits, dresses, slacks, blouses, etc., I'm always throwing clothes somewhere around the room or over a chair. He can't stand me lol. 

So I get it. Nobody's perfect and we grow into routines that complement each other. We don't love your guy and don't live with him, so it's easy for us to think we have something to judge, but you know best what is good for you.



InMyPrime said:


> Since we are exchanging tips...I did something the other day that she found kind of sexplosive: running two fingers in parallel up and down slowly (on either sides of the clit) while doing the lingus thing...Different sensation and more intense apparently.


Oh my stars! That sounds different and.......amaaaaziiiinng.

But I doubt I'll ask him. You probably know by now that I'm terrible at instructing (except to write things out here to strangers lol), and that includes making requests. Just can't do it. He's great at it, and I'm happy. He often uses a finger on my g-spot while sucking. That one is fairly common with guys who know where the g-spot is and feels amazing. One of his best little tricks is to use his thumb to apply pressure in vertical motion directly underneath while sucking. That takes me screaming to a whole new galaxy. It's so intense that I can't stand it often. In fact, just doing that alone also sends me reeling. That area is the gooch for a woman. The first time he did it was before we were married. We were just spending time together in his car and parked at a park, and I was in the driver's seat. When he began, I immediately lost consciousness of myself and my surroundings. It's like I just turned into this screaming banshee of guttural howling and didn't even know I was the one doing the yelling. It seemed to be coming from somebody else. After I came, I realized he was helping me pick the upper half of my body up off the backseat floor and back into position behind the wheel. I don't know how long it took me to return to earth, but I had to switch seats with him if we were ever going to get back home. 

Have you done those? Tickle her gooch all by itself and see if she loves it. It builds soooo much passion. And then be very attentive afterward. On the drive home, he held and kissed my hand and would reach over to hug and kiss me at the red lights. It was really special, and I knew I was marrying this guy. Imagine me, being divorced for 27 years, deciding right then that he was the man for me. He still does that now and then, and it's still special. 

You two do it for each other. When applying pressure on your gooch makes you jerk-y, like tickling someone, so she can't do it too fast. Then if she does oral at the same time, it kind of mellows your response but is deeply intense with the two sensations together. You come back and tell us first hand how it felt to you. In the meantime, you guys have big fun. Goochie Goochie Gooch!


----------



## Why Bother

From my interpretation of the OP she wants him to go down after he has planted his seed. Is this the issue? Have you tried with him performing oral prior to PIV? 

I think it is deplorable for a man to expect to finish in her mouth and yet he will not give oral if he has finished in V. If he diesnt want to taste his remain then dont expect her to be willing for you to finish in her mouth.

I can get that some men do not like the idea of that. It is fine but there is always oral prior to intercourse and to have first climax.


----------



## 269370

StarFires said:


> But I doubt I'll ask him. You probably know by now that I'm terrible at instructing (except to write things out here to strangers lol), and that includes making requests. Just can't do it.


Whaaaat? Do you suffer from the 'man-pride'?  You instruct so well everyone else, but not your husband? Come on.



StarFires said:


> He's great at it, and I'm happy. He often uses a finger on my g-spot while sucking. That one is fairly common with guys who know where the g-spot is and feels amazing.


I don't know why but wife doesn't always like mixing g spot pleasures with the clit ones. For her, those are two separate zones which have different feelings to them (she can come from both separately and in fact prefers it).



StarFires said:


> One of his best little tricks is to use his thumb to apply pressure in vertical motion directly underneath while sucking. That takes me screaming to a whole new galaxy. It's so intense that I can't stand it often. In fact, just doing that alone also sends me reeling. That area is the gooch for a woman. The first time he did it was before we were married. We were just spending time together in his car and parked at a park, and I was in the driver's seat. When he began, I immediately lost consciousness of myself and my surroundings. It's like I just turned into this screaming banshee of guttural howling and didn't even know I was the one doing the yelling. It seemed to be coming from somebody else. After I came, I realized he was helping me pick the upper half of my body up off the backseat floor and back into position behind the wheel. I don't know how long it took me to return to earth, but I had to switch seats with him if we were ever going to get back home.


How big is your car? Trying to picture how you can fall from driver's seat onto the floor where the backseat is...and how does your husband have space to kneel down or angling his thumb properly while in the car...
Anyway, it reminds me I need to bookmark all your clit play posts to practice later...Do you do home visits as well? We may need some proper 'hands-on' guidance 



StarFires said:


> Have you done those? Tickle her gooch all by itself and see if she loves it. It builds soooo much passion. And then be very attentive afterward. On the drive home, he held and kissed my hand and would reach over to hug and kiss me at the red lights. It was really special, and I knew I was marrying this guy. Imagine me, being divorced for 27 years, deciding right then that he was the man for me. He still does that now and then, and it's still special.
> 
> You two do it for each other. When applying pressure on your gooch makes you jerk-y, like tickling someone, so she can't do it too fast. Then if she does oral at the same time, it kind of mellows your response but is deeply intense with the two sensations together. You come back and tell us first hand how it felt to you. In the meantime, you guys have big fun. Goochie Goochie Gooch!


Not yet. She was in the mood for a 'quick & rough' one last night so I couldn't get to it yet...Maybe tonight. Have to see if I can feed her some oysters while doing thumb exercises to start the engine going early...


----------



## frusdil

ReformedHubby said:


> Well OP it sounds like you are really okay with it. The only piece of advice I have for you relates to my marriage. My sex life with my wife was "decent". But with oral she didn't want me to finish in her mouth so I never did. I thought I was okay with this but over time I will admit that giving up something that is literally an acceptable activity in most bedrooms did make me a little bit resentful. When that marriage ended no way was I going to settle for a long term partner that had sexual hang ups. The thing that bothers me is you're going in the opposite direction. You had plenty of the oral you wanted with your ex husband, now you're choosing someone that will probably stop doing it all together fairly soon. I guess I feel like when you leave a long term relationship, thats the time to get what you really want. I am not compromising on anything anymore.





StillSearching said:


> Personally, I wouldn't spend much time with a woman that did not give me oral and let me finish in her mouth.
> Yes, finishing in her mouth is a big deal. Shows desire to please me.
> But then again in all my years I've never had one that didn't do both.
> I made my desires very clear from the start.
> There is no compromising my needs.
> They no longer become YOUR needs when you compromise them.
> 
> And yes I reciprocate for as long as it takes.


So you would be ok with a mouthful of snot being shot into your mouth? Because that's pretty much what it's like for a woman when a man cums in her mouth. It's gross.

The thought of it turns my stomach, but my husband would really like to cum in my mouth. So we compromise and he wears a condom. Is that something you would be willing to do?

And fyi just because a woman "will do it" or "is fine with it" doesn't mean she likes it. Most women don't actually like it.


----------



## 269370

frusdil said:


> So you would be ok with a mouthful of snot being shot into your mouth? Because that's pretty much what it's like for a woman when a man cums in her mouth. It's gross.
> 
> The thought of it turns my stomach, but my husband would really like to cum in my mouth. So we compromise and he wears a condom. Is that something you would be willing to do?
> 
> And fyi just because a woman "will do it" or "is fine with it" doesn't mean she likes it. Most women don't actually like it.


Yes exactly, I don't understand why do something the other won't enjoy, especially if it literally makes no difference (except in one's head, to tick that particular box off). It seems kind of childish, sorry.


----------



## ReformedHubby

frusdil said:


> So you would be ok with a mouthful of snot being shot into your mouth? Because that's pretty much what it's like for a woman when a man cums in her mouth. It's gross.
> 
> The thought of it turns my stomach, but my husband would really like to cum in my mouth. So we compromise and he wears a condom. Is that something you would be willing to do?
> 
> And fyi just because a woman "will do it" or "is fine with it" doesn't mean she likes it. Most women don't actually like it.


Wear a condom for a blowjob? That's insane to me. No disrespect but we are probably on different planets sexually. There isn't anything wrong with that. To each their own. I wouldn't expect anyone to do anything they were disgusted by. It just means I am not compatible with that person. No...I won't make any compromises in the sexual department ever again.


----------



## StarFires

InMyPrime said:


> Whaaaat? Do you suffer from the 'man-pride'?  You instruct so well everyone else, but not your husband? Come on.


Nope, not my husband. Or anyone ever. I can't bring myself to make any requests or give any instructions no matter how badly I needed to. Thank goodness I never needed to give hubby any or it still wouldn't be done. Oh I forgot I did one time. I asked my boyfriend at the time to concentrate mostly on the area directly beneath it. He was really good and when he did that, it was the one and only time I ejaculated by oral. But I never said anything to anyone before or after that one time. Don't really know why I got up the nerve to say it then. 

What is "man-pride"?



InMyPrime said:


> How big is your car? Trying to picture how you can fall from driver's seat onto the floor where the backseat is...and how does your husband have space to kneel down or angling his thumb properly while in the car...
> Anyway, it reminds me I need to bookmark all your clit play posts to practice later...Do you do home visits as well? We may need some proper 'hands-on' guidance


So, didn't I tell you I was out in space? I don't know how the hell I got back there! hahahahaha

Okay, you go down on your wife, so compare it to that. Sometimes, she scoots around the bed trying to get away from you. She doesn't WANT to get away from you, but it's so intense that her body does it involuntarily and she isn't really conscious of doing it. She might find herself on the other side of the bed when it's all over, or hanging halfway off the bed. You noticed that, right? Well, that's what happened to me while in the car that day. I knew nothing except the sensations and then found him helping me back into the driver's seat. My head was on the floor with my body hanging over the console. He's a Chrysler executive and drives different company cars all the time, so I'm not sure which car he had that day/week but it was either an LHS or a Concorde. All I know for sure is that it was red. I hate red cars, but this was a deep ruby shade. And it was 12 years ago, so......

But you have to read my post again because you're trying to configure the picture wrong. I began by describing the sensations of the two actions together (applying pressure underneath while sucking), but then I noted how just doing that alone also sends me reeling. He wasn't doing oral in the car. He had put his hand in my pants (I know I didn't say that part, sorry) and was applying pressure (rubbing/tickling) directly underneath the clitoris. And then I noted that is the gooch area for women (the gooch area being the length of area between the clit and the vaginal opening). So now you can picture doing that to your wife. Your fingers can apply more pressure than your tongue would be able to, plus your hand can more easily follow and keep up with her when she loses her mind.

Just to note, it's also best for her to use her hand when she's pressuring your gooch. 



InMyPrime said:


> Not yet. She was in the mood for a 'quick & rough' one last night so I couldn't get to it yet...Maybe tonight. Have to see if I can feed her some oysters while doing thumb exercises to start the engine going early...


Thumb exercises. LOL

I told ConanHub about *ginseng gum*. It makes sexual sensations feel even better because it awakens and stimulates the nerve endings. It really works and is fantastic. Ask her to chew some 20-30 minutes before your session. Hopefully, she can stand it without spitting it out. It's an acquired taste, not unpleasant at all but the flavor is quite strong. She might have to try it a few times to get used to it.


----------



## 269370

StarFires said:


> If you go down on her and are not bringing her to orgasm every single time, then you're not doing it right and just need to know how to do it properly. First off - do not flick your tongue. A lot of men think they are doing something by flicking her clit with their tongue, but that is nothing but annoying. Also, don't concentrate on her clit for too long at a time. Teasing is best initially. The way to suck on her clit is to encompass it with your lips and suck with your lips pursed as if drinking from a straw. Her clitoris is much like the head of your penis but even more sensitive. Right at the base of her clit is the spot similar to your frenulum but much more sensitive. The length of area between the clit and vaginal opening is also sensitive and responds very well to pressure. Use your tongue to stimulate these areas and bring her to orgasm. Gently suck and play with her clit with your tongue but concentrate mostly on the areas directly beneath it, and then go back to the clit. When you're ready to make her cum, gently suck on her clit until she moves your head away.



Can I get some clarification on the last paragraph? She sometimes tells me I am 'too low' with the tongue. I thought the sensitive bit is slightly above (when facing it normally), not below the clit. (Can you post clit drawing/diagram, or is it against the rules?)












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## ReformedHubby

InMyPrime said:


> Yes exactly, I don't understand why do something the other won't enjoy, especially if it literally makes no difference (except in one's head, to tick that particular box off). It seems kind of *childish*, sorry.


I think its childish to dump someone if its something you have always known. I'm also not sure how this became about forcing someone to do it. I was married to someone for years who didn't do it. It wasn't something I complained about either. But why enter into something new knowing its not on the menu...ever. I can't speak on the percentage of women that are disgusted by it, or are indifferent to it. But I can tell you that I have been with more than one woman that I felt pretty much had semen based fetishes. The things they would do with it afterwards would probably make a lot of people hurl.


----------



## 269370

StarFires said:


> Nope, not my husband. Or anyone ever. I can't bring myself to make any requests or give any instructions no matter how badly I needed to. Thank goodness I never needed to give hubby any or it still wouldn't be done. Oh I forgot I did one time. I asked my boyfriend at the time to concentrate mostly on the area directly beneath it. He was really good and when he did that, it was the one and only time I ejaculated by oral. But I never said anything to anyone before or after that one time. Don't really know why I got up the nerve to say it then.


I would rather question why you have been quiet ever since? i hope you don't feel it's unlady-like to voice her opinion about her sexual preferences? I think you will be surprised that a lot of men will more than welcome constructive criticism!!



StarFires said:


> What is "man-pride"?


That's when you bottle things up and complain about it as an outlet, instead of simply speaking up like a man! (I am aware of the contradiction here  Just shows how stupid stereotypes are 




StarFires said:


> So, didn't I tell you I was out in space? I don't know how the hell I got back there! hahahahaha
> 
> Okay, you go down on your wife, so compare it to that. Sometimes, she scoots around the bed trying to get away from you. She doesn't WANT to get away from you, but it's so intense that her body does it involuntarily and she isn't really conscious of doing it. She might find herself on the other side of the bed when it's all over, or hanging halfway off the bed. You noticed that, right? Well, that's what happened to me while in the car that day. I knew nothing except the sensations and then found him helping me back into the driver's seat. My head was on the floor with my body hanging over the console. He's a Chrysler executive and drives different company cars all the time, so I'm not sure which car he had that day/week but it was either an LHS or a Concorde. All I know for sure is that it was red. I hate red cars, but this was a deep ruby shade. And it was 12 years ago, so......
> 
> But you have to read my post again because you're trying to configure the picture wrong. I began by describing the sensations of the two actions together (applying pressure underneath while sucking), but then I noted how just doing that alone also sends me reeling. He wasn't doing oral in the car. He had put his hand in my pants (I know I didn't say that part, sorry) and was applying pressure (rubbing/tickling) directly underneath the clitoris. And then I noted that is the gooch area for women (the gooch area being the length of area between the clit and the vaginal opening). So now you can picture doing that to your wife. Your fingers can apply more pressure than your tongue would be able to, plus your hand can more easily follow and keep up with her when she loses her mind.


Ok I think I have the full picture now as if I was there. In fact, I probably *was* there 



StarFires said:


> Just to note, it's also best for her to use her hand when she's pressuring your gooch.


Light, medium, hard pressure? I found 'direct access' was already VERY effective!



StarFires said:


> Thumb exercises. LOL
> 
> I told ConanHub about *ginseng gum*. It makes sexual sensations feel even better because it awakens and stimulates the nerve endings. It really works and is fantastic. Ask her to chew some 20-30 minutes before your session. Hopefully, she can stand it without spitting it out. It's an acquired taste, not unpleasant at all but the flavor is quite strong. She might have to try it a few times to get used to it.


I think she might not be as averse to ginseng; she is half asian after all.


----------



## StarFires

frusdil said:


> So you would be ok with a mouthful of snot being shot into your mouth? Because that's pretty much what it's like for a woman when a man cums in her mouth. It's gross.
> 
> The thought of it turns my stomach, but my husband would really like to cum in my mouth. So we compromise and he wears a condom. Is that something you would be willing to do?
> 
> And fyi just because a woman "will do it" or "is fine with it" doesn't mean she likes it. Most women don't actually like it.


You're right, I actually dislike doing oral. In fact, I hate it, but I really like pleasuring him that way, so I do it for his enjoyment. I don't normally take his spunk but when I incorporate oral with anal or gooch play, then I sometimes do. I don't find the act of taking it to be gross. It's the taste that is unpleasant. Before that though, his secretions are rather tasty.

You can't stand the thought of it, and that's fine but think of it like this: I loved my mother of course, but I disliked her name. It's an old name that was common in her day, but I always felt it was an adult name and couldn't imagine a 3 or 5 year old being called by that name. It didn't seem to fit a little girl. She told me she named my eldest sister after her mother because she loved her mother so much. When she put it to me that way, I suddenly fell in love with her name because I then associated the name with the woman I loved. It wasn't just what she was called anymore. The name became my mother.

I love my husband, so I'm willing to do some things that are for his pleasure or for his comfort that are okay with me. Because the taste is awful, I don't take it every time, but I can take the discomfort sometimes. It won't kill me and it's not the only unpleasant thing I've ever tasted.


----------



## StarFires

InMyPrime said:


> I would rather question why you have been quiet ever since? I hope you don't feel it's unlady-like to voice her opinion about her sexual preferences?


Nooooo not at all. That would prudish and as you can see, I'm no prude. It's a psychological thing I guess. Shy perhaps. That time I did do it, I realized it isn't saying things that bother me, but being subject to them is what bothers me. Experiencing the execution of him following my instructions is very uncomfortable and makes me self-conscious even though I enjoyed it very much. So go figure. I know it doesn't make sense.



InMyPrime said:


> I think you will be surprised that a lot of men will more than welcome constructive criticism!!


Yes, I know. Many have asked. I've written before that there are two types of women with regard to not giving instructions. There are those like me who don't because they feel uncomfortable giving instructions. And there are those who can't because they haven't experienced those pleasures, therefore they don't know what would please them.



InMyPrime said:


> Ok I think I have the full picture now as if I was there. In fact, I probably *was* there


You crack me up!



InMyPrime said:


> Light, medium, hard pressure? I found 'direct access' was already VERY effective!


Medium and then gradually slightly hard pressure. But hey, you're a man. What I think is slightly hard might be pounding for you. Start medium and see how she responds as you apply a little more. Yes, direct access is effective, but this a new sensation and it's fun.



InMyPrime said:


> I think she might not be as averse to ginseng; she is half asian after all.


Okay, good!


----------



## StarFires

InMyPrime said:


> Can I get some clarification on the last paragraph? She sometimes tells me I am 'too low' with the tongue. I thought the sensitive bit is slightly above (when facing it normally), not below the clit. (Can you post clit drawing/diagram, or is it against the rules?)


Find out if it's permitted. If I can I will.


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## 269370

ReformedHubby said:


> I think its childish to dump someone if its something you have always known. I'm also not sure how this became about forcing someone to do it. I was married to someone for years who didn't do it. It wasn't something I complained about either. But why enter into something new knowing its not on the menu...ever. I can't speak on the percentage of women that are disgusted by it, or are indifferent to it. But I can tell you that I have been with more than one woman that I felt pretty much had semen based fetishes. The things they would do with it afterwards would probably make a lot of people hurl.



Dude, it’s just an act. I do understand that some women won’t mind as much as others (I guess about 5-10%), I just don’t understand why it’s a ‘must’ for you. I wasn’t saying you are forcing anyone, I just wonder why it matters so much if the rest is all good. Seems like a very strange ‘must have’ to me. But everyone’s different!
Out of interest, is that why the marriage didn’t work out or were there other reasons?
Some people use the strangest hang ups or reasons sometimes to justify some of their own faults to themselves.



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## Ragnar Ragnasson

I'm having trouble understanding how all haven't fully enjoyed knowing the super benefits from already studying the physiology of, the sometimes slight variations of the the physiology of the lovely vajajay, and how it's not already known how, where, to:

stroke, tongue, touch, suck, vary location, rhythm, vary rhythm, build by moving away when she's building, when to NOT stop when she's building, include fingers at times, stop touching/moving right after an O, how to lightly begin again, know the clitoral shaft must be in serious play, left and right sides when slowing things down, how to address the "head", and stay in touch with her non vajajay areas of body too. Believe it or not, there are variations between women as to which side of the just below the ridge of the clitoral shaft is more sensitive. As well as which side of the valley bottom, too. That's where some nerve endings taper off, yet many women's nerve endings are very active there. 

and above all how to intuit woman's reactions to play by play, adjust your current action when her body language indicates, and how to quickly hold your breath and not be surprised when she tightens her double handfuls of your hair and pulls you in so tight at certain times when she wants, so you're ready, and to not stop especially at that point. 

I have longer hair, so the hair thing is a real thing, by the way.

I'm not saying all this stuff because I'm the world's greatest I'm sure, but crossed these basics long ago and the biggest thing is I continue to learn and want to learn more, every single time.

One studies and spends time on what one thinks is important. 

That's also why I like certain playlists, to give me a rhythm and duration backdrop.


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## StillSearching

frusdil said:


> So you would be ok with a mouthful of snot being shot into your mouth? Because that's pretty much what it's like for a woman when a man cums in her mouth. It's gross.
> 
> The thought of it turns my stomach, but my husband would really like to cum in my mouth. So we compromise and he wears a condom. Is that something you would be willing to do?
> 
> And fyi just because a woman "will do it" or "is fine with it" doesn't mean she likes it. Most women don't actually like it.


That's on him. He wears a condom?....wow...That's no compromise!
Of course I'm ok with any need of mine that a woman puts priority on.
As far as what it may be like...well I wouldn't ask my woman to go down on a woman and see what that's like, so your analogy doesn't make much sense to me.
I'm sure going down on a woman might be gross for you as well....
If her need is not to have cum in her mouth then our needs are not compatible and she can find AFC.(Another Frustrated Chump)


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

A condom? After I had the V like 15 yrs ago?

That'd be the day.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Obviously Google the vajajay physiology. 

A hundred years ago it seems, Encyclopedia Britannia was good source. Although I'm only 56.

To be honest, my beginning was the young man / older woman directions followed by field research and experimentation. 

😊😊


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## 269370

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm having trouble understanding how all haven't fully enjoyed knowing the super benefits from already studying the physiology of, the sometimes slight variations of the the physiology of the lovely vajajay, and how it's not already known how, where, to:



I have a theory about it...Maybe not every woman is the same?  
But still...I like to gather tips and use the elimination approach for various techniques...There are still some similarities.



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## CharlieParker

I'll preface this by saying I personally don't find sucking a **** appealing, but I can't fathom how sucking a condom covered one could be appealing or enjoyable.

Our compromise is I finish in her mouth but she can spit it (she said it has something to do with preventing the gag reflex, so I good with that).


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

InMyPrime said:


> I have a theory about it...Maybe not every woman is the same?
> But still...I like to gather tips and use the elimination approach for various techniques...There are still some similarities.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


And I'm with you on that.

I touch on that very subject; all women aren't the same.

Imho one super important part, the most important part is the man must be aware he must be, has to be, reading, intuiting if you will, the woman's responses to his every individual action within the encounter. 

Or he runs a risk of just agitating her.

The old saying "doing the right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing" is extremely, extremely applicable here.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

We had a couple hugely great such encounters last night. And we do this all the time.

Presently W is doing the thing as always, and it's something I love about her - she's in the process of trying to wear me out before my vacation trip next week.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

InMyPrime said:


> I don’t quite understand: your complaint is that your wife is a ‘serious taker’ but you’d love to give more and also complain that she’s not demanding more..? What did I miss?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You mean like oral arguments? Maybe.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


It's really pretty simple. As one would expect, she's a taker in all the areas she desires things. Affection, finances, etc. But sex is not in that category, and especially not oral sex. It's not something she desires. I would really enjoy giving in that area, but since she doesn't think cunnilingus is a proper sexual activity, she doesn't take there and I don't have the opportunity to give there. 

Meanwhile, since she's a taker, she's also not keen on giving oral sex. 

From my POV, it's a lose-lose.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

InMyPrime said:


> Yes there are. *There are also men that don’t mind and don’t complain about giving.*
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


And you bring this up now because......


----------



## Lila

ReformedHubby said:


> Wear a condom for a blowjob? That's insane to me. No disrespect but we are probably on different planets sexually. There isn't anything wrong with that. To each their own. *I wouldn't expect anyone to do anything they were disgusted by. It just means I am not compatible with that person. *No...I won't make any compromises in the sexual department ever again.


I agree with the bolded 100%. Sexual compatibility is so very important to a relationship. 

I am one of those women who does not allow semen in the mouth. I have been very proactive about finding out if this would be a problem with the handful of men who I have dated more than a couple of times and I thought could progress to "more". If I feel the response is anything less than "I don't need to finish in your mouth to enjoy", then it's a no-go for me. Admittedly, I have had to become rather subtle with my line of questioning because most men will avoid admitting their abject dismay if they can't finish in the mouth if it means I'll shut them out of the "rest of the playground". I wish more people would just be upfront about their boundaries. There would be much less incompatibilities.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> It's really pretty simple. As one would expect, she's a taker in all the areas she desires things. Affection, finances, etc. But sex is not in that category, and especially not oral sex. It's not something she desires. I would really enjoy giving in that area, but since she doesn't think cunnilingus is a proper sexual activity, she doesn't take there and I don't have the opportunity to give there.
> 
> Meanwhile, since she's a taker, she's also not keen on giving oral sex.
> 
> From my POV, it's a lose-lose.


Knowing you've already likely tried and explored anything I can add, saying have you tried this/that in general is likely redundant. 

So forgive me if this is already tried, I'll just throw it out there.

I'm not for forcing anyone to do/accept anything against their will, absolutely not saying be physical (unless she wants you too(?)) but -

what happens when you say "we're doing this tonight" and you arrange her as you desire and just start? No time or opportunity for her disagreement?

And, if she's mad afterwards, but she had a great time, yet still wants to be mad - then you just let her be mad? 

You still be your normal great, nice self, and just let her be mad a while.

Then, do it again, the next time. Has to be repeated a few times.

?


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## StarFires

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm having trouble understanding how all haven't fully enjoyed knowing the super benefits from already studying the physiology of, the sometimes slight variations of the the physiology of the lovely vajajay, and how it's not already known how, where, to:
> 
> stroke, tongue, touch, suck, vary location, rhythm, vary rhythm, build by moving away when she's building, when to NOT stop when she's building, include fingers at times, stop touching/moving right after an O, how to lightly begin again, know the clitoral shaft must be in serious play, left and right sides when slowing things down, how to address the "head", and stay in touch with her non vajajay areas of body too. Believe it or not, there are variations between women as to which side of the just below the ridge of the clitoral shaft is more sensitive. As well as which side of the valley bottom, too. That's where some nerve endings taper off, yet many women's nerve endings are very active there.
> 
> and above all how to intuit woman's reactions to play by play, adjust your current action when her body language indicates, and how to quickly hold your breath and not be surprised when she tightens her double handfuls of your hair and pulls you in so tight at certain times when she wants, so you're ready, and to not stop especially at that point.
> 
> I have longer hair, so the hair thing is a real thing, by the way.
> 
> I'm not saying all this stuff because I'm the world's greatest I'm sure, but crossed these basics long ago and the biggest thing is I continue to learn and want to learn more, every single time.
> 
> One studies and spends time on what one thinks is important.
> 
> That's also why I like certain playlists, to give me a rhythm and duration backdrop.


I'm not talking about all the months and years prior, I'm saying just in the past 4 or 5 months, there have been several threads from guys asking things like "How do I get better in bed?" or "How do I make my wife cum?" or "How do I know when she's cumming?" or similar.

To answer those types of questions with......

_"stroke, tongue, touch, suck, vary location, rhythm, vary rhythm, build by moving away when she's building, when to NOT stop when she's building, include fingers at times, stop touching/moving right after an O, how to lightly begin again, know the clitoral shaft must be in serious play, left and right sides when slowing things down, how to address the "head", and stay in touch with her non vajajay areas of body too. Believe it or not, there are variations between women as to which side of the just below the ridge of the clitoral shaft is more sensitive. As well as which side of the valley bottom, too. That's where some nerve endings taper off, yet many women's nerve endings are very active there. 

and above all how to intuit woman's reactions to play by play, adjust your current action when her body language indicates, and how to quickly hold your breath and not be surprised when she tightens her double handfuls of your hair and pulls you in so tight at certain times when she wants, so you're ready, and to not stop especially at that point."_

......is not at all helpful. That wouldn't answer any of their questions in any constructive, descriptive, or demonstrative manner. Yet, that is exactly the type of responses they receive. Those guys came here with their own questions and curiosity, and they left here with even more questions and curiosity because nothing and no one answered their questions for them. That is no one but me. So, I can't even imagine how many there were who, in all the months and years prior, didn't receive the help they sought because you can't answer those types of questions with responses that assume they know what you are talking about when, by virtue of the questions, they came here not knowing what you're talking about.....or what any of it was about, for that matter.

Yes, of course, we know that women are different, different women respond to different stimuli, and different women enjoy different things. Being a girl, I'm in a unique position to respond with more helpful advice than they would otherwise receive. And, since I don't think all women are the same, I can and do, in the very least, offer some basics by way of a starting point that leads to discovery of their own woman's particular preferences and dislikes.

It's not fair to make the assertion that all should already know various things because as you pointed out, women are different. I submit that men, and what they have and have not explored and discovered, are also very different. An example of that is you saying, _"when she tightens her double handfuls of your hair and pulls you in so tight at certain times when she wants"_ were the times that I least liked because it meant the guy didn't know what he was doing. He was just down there doing some stuff, and whatever he was down there doing was not in the right place(s) and was more frustrating than effective, so I had to pull hair or ears to guide him. It wasn't fun or enjoyable for me to give myself pleasure and orgasm with his mouth hahahahaha. What I find most enjoyable is a guy a skilled enough at what he's doing that he sends me into delirium so that I'm weak and entirely under his control without having to interrupt my euphoria with the thought and effort of placing him where he belongs. Yes, there are guys just that skilled and knowledgeable, and what they do is what I described so others can know while fully aware that it won't work for all women. But I'm confident it works for most though may need some tweaking. Nevertheless, it's great for the novice, and it's also great for the willing who have performed oral many times but didn't realize they were being guided because they weren't quite as skilled as they could be. That you know what works for you and your wife is great, so you don't need enhancement from what I post.


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## StillSearching

Just a quick question....
If you compromise your need at all, it was never truly a need to begin with....Right?

And If he finished in your mouth before (because you know it's like snot) and now you don't like it....Is not that the ole "Bait and switch?"


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Knowing you've already likely tried and explored anything I can add, saying have you tried this/that in general is likely redundant.
> 
> So forgive me if this is already tried, I'll just throw it out there.
> 
> I'm not for forcing anyone to do/accept anything against their will, absolutely not saying be physical (unless she wants you too(?)) but -
> 
> what happens when you say "we're doing this tonight" and you arrange her as you desire and just start? No time or opportunity for her disagreement?
> 
> And, if she's mad afterwards, but she had a great time, yet still wants to be mad - then you just let her be mad?
> 
> You still be your normal great, nice self, and just let her be mad a while.
> 
> Then, do it again, the next time. Has to be repeated a few times.
> 
> ?


Yep, that's a been there, done that... a few times (mostly with things other than oral). She's occasionally willing to go along now, but it's obvious she doesn't want to and it's just to placate me; it's really very patronizing when she does go along which is a total buzzkill. To her credit, she's really putting in some effort when she does, but the very fact that it's that huge of an effort in the first place kinda' defeats the point. 

Interestingly, on one occasion I did just start going down on her and she seemed to really enjoy it (she's not at all demonstrative under the best of circumstances). I have to be very careful because she's exceptionally sensitive, and I'm admittedly lacking in experience given her reluctance. She appeared to climax (like I said, she's very reserved), and then pushed me away, but looked at me and said, very genuinely " That was very nice!" which is one of only two times I can recall her saying something really positive regarding sex. 

And yet... after that, it was back to the same ol', same ol'. Maybe even more reluctant than before. 

Conversely, I got her to do me all the way once. Afterword, she looked up at me with her best ever bedroom eyes and said "So you liked that, eh?" It was clear she got a kick out of really taking me for a ride. 

But again, after that? Nada.


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## FadedPictures

I'm late to this thread but how long have you been with your boyfriend. I am married and used to *love *going down on my wife. Due to other circumstances, its no longer a desire of mine. Speaking for myself, my relationship drives my desire. If I feel let down, taken advantage of, etc, then I respond accordingly. Have an honest conversation with yourself and try to determine if something could be wrong that needs to be addressed. Not saying this is the problem, but at least check it off from the list if its not.


----------



## 269370

Lila said:


> I agree with the bolded 100%. Sexual compatibility is so very important to a relationship.
> 
> 
> 
> I am one of those women who does not allow semen in the mouth. I have been very proactive about finding out if this would be a problem with the handful of men who I have dated more than a couple of times and I thought could progress to "more". If I feel the response is anything less than "I don't need to finish in your mouth to enjoy", then it's a no-go for me. Admittedly, I have had to become rather subtle with my line of questioning because most men will avoid admitting their abject dismay if they can't finish in the mouth if it means I'll shut them out of the "rest of the playground". I wish more people would just be upfront about their boundaries. There would be much less incompatibilities.



Out of interest, at what point does this conversation arise? 


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## uhtred

There seems to be a lot of variation on whether or not women enjoy or are willing to do this. A lot of sexual acts are sort of gross - in a different context. If you think about it kissing is pretty darn gross. (Nice glass of saliva anyone....).

I don't think people can really change either their sexual desires, or the things that they enjoy doing - so some couples are just not compatible. 


There are women who actively enjoy giving complete oral. Some who enjoy doing it for their partners reaction, some who put up with it, and some who find it disgusting. There are also some who thought they would find it disgusting, but find that it is OK or even fun






frusdil said:


> So you would be ok with a mouthful of snot being shot into your mouth? Because that's pretty much what it's like for a woman when a man cums in her mouth. It's gross.
> 
> The thought of it turns my stomach, but my husband would really like to cum in my mouth. So we compromise and he wears a condom. Is that something you would be willing to do?
> 
> And fyi just because a woman "will do it" or "is fine with it" doesn't mean she likes it. Most women don't actually like it.


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## uhtred

Isn't most of sex in your head? The majority of women can get themselves off faster with a vibrator than with a partner, but the majority prefer sex with a partner. 

Or a more extreme example: Many straight men very much enjoy receiving a BJ from a woman, but would be horrified about receiving from a man - despite the fact that it would feel the same. Most of sex is in the mind. 




InMyPrime said:


> Yes exactly, I don't understand why do something the other won't enjoy, especially if it literally makes no difference (except in one's head, to tick that particular box off). It seems kind of childish, sorry.


----------



## Lila

InMyPrime said:


> Out of interest, at what point does this conversation arise?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


After I've established there's general compatibility in other areas and I feel like it's possible this one has potential to become sexual. Just as I don't bring up this conversation unless I feel a connection with the guy in other areas, I also don't wait too long before having this discussion. Nothing worse than really digging a guy only to find out he's totally non compatible to me sexually. Super let down.


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## uhtred

Clearly explaining boundaries is great. I hope that they do the same for you. I think a lot of relationships would be happier if people were able to sort out sexual compatibility early on. 

There is of course the problem that some people are not really honest with themselves about what is important to them and / or what they are willing to do long term. 




Lila said:


> I agree with the bolded 100%. Sexual compatibility is so very important to a relationship.
> 
> I am one of those women who does not allow semen in the mouth. I have been very proactive about finding out if this would be a problem with the handful of men who I have dated more than a couple of times and I thought could progress to "more". If I feel the response is anything less than "I don't need to finish in your mouth to enjoy", then it's a no-go for me. Admittedly, I have had to become rather subtle with my line of questioning because most men will avoid admitting their abject dismay if they can't finish in the mouth if it means I'll shut them out of the "rest of the playground". I wish more people would just be upfront about their boundaries. There would be much less incompatibilities.


----------



## Lila

uhtred said:


> Clearly explaining boundaries is great.* I hope that they do the same for you*. I think a lot of relationships would be happier if people were able to sort out sexual compatibility early on.
> 
> There is of course the problem that some people are not really honest with themselves about what is important to them and / or what they are willing to do long term.


As to the bold, some do but most don't and that's why I have to be very.... inquisitive. I think it's a combination of not knowing themselves, feeling embarrassment, and yes, looking to say anything to get me to have sex with them. The last type are obviously the a holes.


----------



## StillSearching

Lila said:


> After I've established there's general compatibility in other areas and I feel like it's possible this one has potential to become sexual. Just as I don't bring up this conversation unless I feel a connection with the guy in other areas, I also don't wait too long before having this discussion. Nothing worse than really digging a guy only to find out he's totally non compatible to me sexually. Super let down.


I tip my hat to you.
That's exactly why I make my needs known early.
Only WANTS can be compromised, and negotiated. 
And I've never had a woman tell me she wouldn't do it. 

and "Most women don't really like it." I'm calling BS on that. 
Maybe it's "Most women don't really like doing it to someone they are not REALLY in love with."


----------



## uhtred

There is also such strong social pressure against saying: "You are a great person but unless you are willing to do [specific sex act] I don't want to be in a relationship". That is especially true if [specific sex act] is something that seems unimportant to many people, as in the discussion here on oral to completion. 


I'm having trouble imagining being able to say that myself. (though of course if I were dating I should)


IMHO You are clearly doing the right thing. 




Lila said:


> As to the bold, some do but most don't and that's why I have to be very.... inquisitive. I think it's a combination of not knowing themselves, feeling embarrassment, and yes, looking to say anything to get me to have sex with them. The last type are obviously the a holes.


----------



## 269370

uhtred said:


> Isn't most of sex in your head? The majority of women can get themselves off faster with a vibrator than with a partner, but the majority prefer sex with a partner.
> 
> 
> 
> Or a more extreme example: Many straight men very much enjoy receiving a BJ from a woman, but would be horrified about receiving from a man - despite the fact that it would feel the same. Most of sex is in the mind.



Yes true, but for women I think more so than for men. Also by the time the man actually ejaculates, his orgasm is mostly finished.

The ‘benefit for the guy versus disgust for the woman’ ratio doesn’t really make sense to me. But maybe I’m odd.
My wife said she doesn’t mind the taste, it’s more the consistency that might give her a gag reflex...I also cannot eat raw egg white for example, I would puke. 



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## 269370

uhtred said:


> There seems to be a lot of variation on whether or not women enjoy or are willing to do this. A lot of sexual acts are sort of gross - in a different context. If you think about it kissing is pretty darn gross. (Nice glass of saliva anyone....).
> 
> 
> 
> I don't think people can really change either their sexual desires, or the things that they enjoy doing - so some couples are just not compatible.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> There are women who actively enjoy giving complete oral. Some who enjoy doing it for their partners reaction, some who put up with it, and some who find it disgusting. There are also some who thought they would find it disgusting, but find that it is OK or even fun



Can there be a poll about this or is it against the rules?


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## Lila

StillSearching said:


> I tip my hat to you.
> That's exactly why I make my needs known early.
> Only WANTS can be compromised, and negotiated.
> And I've never had a woman tell me she wouldn't do it.
> 
> and "Most women don't really like it." I'm calling BS on that.
> Maybe it's "Most women don't really like doing it to someone they are not REALLY in love with."


That might be your experience and good for you for never having a woman tell you "No". 

You mansplaining women's reasons for sexual boundaries to me doesn't change the fact that when it comes to my (and women like me) preferences, it has nothing to do with love and everything to do with what I like and don't like to do or have done to me. 

If your argument is that women who truly love their partners do sexual acts they find distasteful, then the other side of the coin is men who truly love their partners should not expect them to perform acts they find distasteful.


----------



## Lila

uhtred said:


> There is also such strong social pressure against saying: *"You are a great person but unless you are willing to do [specific sex act] I don't want to be in a relationship". * That is especially true if [specific sex act] is something that seems unimportant to many people, as in the discussion here on oral to completion.
> 
> 
> I'm having trouble imagining being able to say that myself. (though of course if I were dating I should)
> 
> 
> IMHO You are clearly doing the right thing.


You are correct. That's why that conversation is very subtle. People do not typically blurt out "I need xyz sexual act to be content". There's a slow build up of evidence, kind of like detective work, which all together results in a complete picture. 

I will also say that at our age, contrary to popular belief, most men are not drowning in *****. You mix one part horniness with one part loneliness and you have a great recipe for someone who settles in order to get some (or any) of their needs met. Those are the ones that scare me the most because they are willing to tell me anything I want to hear knowing full well that we'll never be compatible long term.


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## Buddy400

Lila said:


> I will also say that at our age, contrary to popular belief, most men are not drowning in *****. You mix one part horniness with one part loneliness and you have a great recipe for someone who settles in order to get some (or any) of their needs met. Those are the ones that scare me the most because they are willing to tell me anything I want to hear knowing full well that we'll never be compatible long term.


I'd say 10% of men are drowning in *****.

The other 90% are desperate and will take whatever they can get.

Unfortunately, it's the 10% that most women are interested in.


----------



## ReformedHubby

InMyPrime said:


> Dude, it’s just an act. I do understand that some women won’t mind as much as others (I guess about 5-10%), I just don’t understand why it’s a ‘must’ for you. I wasn’t saying you are forcing anyone, I just wonder why it matters so much if the rest is all good. Seems like a very strange ‘must have’ to me. But everyone’s different!
> Out of interest, is that why the marriage didn’t work out or were there other reasons?
> Some people use the strangest hang ups or reasons sometimes to justify some of their own faults to themselves.


Of course that's not why it didn't work. I even said in my reply its not a reason to dump someone if you are already in a relationship and happy. But...I do still maintain that I am not entering into anything serious with someone that doesn't check off my sexual list. Why on earth would I do that? So I can come back here and post on SIM how she doesn't do this one thing I am into. No thanks.

I've had zero problems meeting women that meet my criteria, so I am not going to settle for one that doesn't. Most times by date two or three I know the answer to the BJ question anyway. It doesn't even need to be discussed.


----------



## Buddy400

Lila said:


> That might be your experience and good for you for never having a woman tell you "No".
> 
> You mansplaining women's reasons for sexual boundaries to me doesn't change the fact that when it comes to my (and women like me) preferences, it has nothing to do with love and everything to do with what I like and don't like to do or have done to me.
> 
> If your argument is that women who truly love their partners do sexual acts they find distasteful, then the other side of the coin is men who truly love their partners should not expect them to perform acts they find distasteful.


I think it's a continuum. I do things for my wife that I wouldn't do for others because I don't mind doing them yet my wife's happiness is very important to me. If I liked doing them a lot, I'd do it for everybody. If I really hated doing it, I wouldn't do it even for my wife.

It's a weighing of how much one likes or doesn't like something versus how much happiness it generates for the person and how important that happiness is to the giver.

If I felt "meh" about something and my partner derived a great deal of pleasure from it, I think my not doing it would be a sign that I'm not terribly committed to her happiness.


----------



## uhtred

As an aside: Once I was at a fancy banquet in Japan and one of the things they served was a raw egg that you were expected to swallow whole. You have to picture a fancily set long table, in the near perfect silence of a formal Japanese dinner. I got the egg in my mouth..... and couldn't bring myself to swallow but couldn't imagine spitting a raw egg out on the table. Terminal embarrassment vs disgust. Finally swallowed.


On topic, it may vary with the person. For me orgasm and ejaculation happen together, but they are not an instantaneous thing and what happens during that matters. As an experiment, if you masturbate, stop all stimulation just as ejaculation starts..... (of course most women who don't want their partner to finish in thier mouth do continue stimulation - this is just to say that what happens as ejaculation / orgasm occurs still matters). 

Also, for clarity, some men don't care at all how they finish. Some want to finish in their partner's mouth. Some want their partner to swallow. For some it makes little difference, for others its all important. 




InMyPrime said:


> Yes true, but for women I think more so than for men. Also by the time the man actually ejaculates, his orgasm is mostly finished.
> 
> The ‘benefit for the guy versus disgust for the woman’ ratio doesn’t really make sense to me. But maybe I’m odd.
> My wife said she doesn’t mind the taste, it’s more the consistency that might give her a gag reflex...I also cannot eat raw egg white for example, I would puke.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila

Buddy400 said:


> I think it's a continuum. I do things for my wife that I wouldn't do for others because I don't mind doing them yet my wife's happiness is very important to me. If I liked doing them a lot, I'd do it for everybody. *If I really hated doing it, I wouldn't do it even for my wife.*


Agreed. I think people confuse love with having no boundaries. Not just with sex but with everything. 



> If I felt "meh" about something and my partner derived a great deal of pleasure from it, I think my not doing it would be a sign that I'm not terribly committed to her happiness.


Agreed. I think that line of thinking fits with everything not just sex.


----------



## Lila

Buddy400 said:


> I'd say 10% of men are drowning in *****.
> 
> The other 90% are desperate and will take whatever they can get.
> 
> Unfortunately, it's the 10% that most women are interested in.


I do not want my comment to derail this thread but will tell you that this happens on the female side as well.


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## uhtred

Words like "like", "dislike", etc have very fuzzy meanings.

There is a big difference between not particularly enjoying something and finding that thing horrible and disgusting. In most cases a sexual "gift" to a partner of something you don't particularly enjoy seems fine to me if on average they do the same for you. I general I don't think one should feel that they have to do something they find gross / degrading for their partner .

As always sexual incompatibility exists. There are cases where two perfectly reasonable people do not have sexual compatibility - no one's fault.


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## ReformedHubby

Buddy400 said:


> *It's a weighing of how much one likes or doesn't like something versus how much happiness it generates for the person and how important that happiness is to the giver.*
> 
> If I felt "meh" about something and my partner derived a great deal of pleasure from it, I think my not doing it would be a sign that I'm not terribly committed to her happiness.


This times a thousand!!! I am in my early 40s now. I still really really love sex, but yes there are times now when I might be feeling "tired". But you know what, I man up and deliver if she is in the mood. I'd imagine its the same for her sometimes. I am also not really a fan of anal sex, but if I have a partner thats into that, I will do it because it makes her happy. Making them happy makes me happy too. To clarify I would never do something I found repulsive, but there are other things that aren't my favorite that I feel pretty indifferent about when doing them. If one of those things floats their boat why not? 

This thread is so black and white. Are some of you saying you never did anything you weren't crazy about doing just to please your partner? Honestly speaking I wouldn't want a partner like that either. I need someone that is equally open minded.


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## Buddy400

Lila said:


> I do not want my comment to derail this thread but will tell you that this happens on the female side as well.


Agreed


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## StarFires

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Obviously Google the vajajay physiology.
> 
> A hundred years ago it seems, Encyclopedia Britannia was good source. Although I'm only 56.
> 
> To be honest, my beginning was the young man / older woman directions followed by field research and experimentation.
> 
> 😊😊


Two of the best lovers I've had both told me they were taught (when they were younger) by older women. I recall graciously thanking those women to myself lol. It seems I was field research and experimentation, but who cares. 

Hooray for the cougars of the world! :yay::bounce:


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## Lila

uhtred said:


> Words like "like", "dislike", etc have very fuzzy meanings.


I had to giggle a bit when I read this @uhtred. I remember a few years ago the topic of swallowing popped up and I mentioned how I didn't do it. When pressed for a reason I stated that I found the taste and texture to be "disgusting". I stirred up a hornets nest with that description. After some thought, I agreed that I should have used different words to describe why I didn't like it. 

Nowadays it's a pretty simple conversation. X are the things I am interested in doing/having done to me. Y are my hard boundaries.


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## StillSearching

Buddy400 said:


> I'd say 10% of men are drowning in *****.
> 
> The other 90% are desperate and will take whatever they can get.
> 
> Unfortunately, it's the *10% that most women are interested in*.


That's nature. It's rockstars, presidents, wealthy.....etc
That's hierarchies at work. 
That's exactly what is happening and has since mankind started.
It's Hypergamy in action. 

Although I would not say the 90% do not get a say in who they bed.


----------



## Lila

ReformedHubby said:


> This thread is so black and white. Are some of you saying you never did anything you weren't crazy about doing just to please your partner? Honestly speaking I wouldn't want a partner like that either. I need someone that is equally open minded.


I disagree that this thread is black and white. As you yourself said.......



ReformedHubby said:


> But...I do still maintain that I am not entering into anything serious with someone that doesn't check off my sexual list. Why on earth would I do that? So I can come back here and post on SIM how she doesn't do this one thing I am into. No thanks


----------



## 269370

uhtred said:


> . As an experiment, if you masturbate, stop all stimulation just as ejaculation starts..... (of course most women who don't want their partner to finish in thier mouth do continue stimulation - this is just to say that what happens as ejaculation / orgasm occurs still matters).
> 
> 
> 
> Also, for clarity, some men don't care at all how they finish. Some want to finish in their partner's mouth. Some want their partner to swallow. For some it makes little difference, for others its all important.



I have conducted this ‘experiment’ on a regular basis  I think as soon as ejaculation is about to happen, you normally stop stimulation and when the ejaculate actually comes out, the orgasm sensation is almost finished for me and then there’s a very steep drop off where I don’t care anymore...I find it more...’interesting’ to finish on...face/body parts or whatever...
Anyway, I guess it’s just personal preferences at the end of the day and if people need it, they shall have it! 



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## ReformedHubby

Lila said:


> I disagree that this thread is black and white. As you yourself said.......


Ha, ha....I see what you did there. I have written in this thread that I am unwilling to compromise, which is in itself a black or white viewpoint. I suppose one could argue I am missing out on some great potential partners, but I know myself at this point. If I am not happy in a relationship sexually, I'm either going to find what I need elsewhere (one of the reasons my marriage ended), or break up with the person. Its just better to be on the same page upfront. I think we can all agree on that point at least.


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## Lila

ReformedHubby said:


> Lila said:
> 
> 
> 
> I disagree that this thread is black and white. As you yourself said.......
> 
> 
> 
> Ha, ha....I see what you did there. I have written in this thread that I am unwilling to compromise, which is in itself a black or white viewpoint. I suppose one could argue I am missing out on some great potential partners, but I know myself at this point. If I am not happy in a relationship sexually, I'm either going to find what I need elsewhere (one of the reasons my marriage ended), or break up with the person. Its just better to be on the same page upfront. I think we can all agree on that point at least.
Click to expand...

😉


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## CraigBesuden

Whenever I read threads like this, men and women will say that she gets an orgasm (or two).

With my wife, the first orgasm (or two) just primes the pump. Her clit becomes very sensitive and she tells me “okay” so I know to stop. Then I wait about twenty seconds, pull back her lips (no fingers inside now), and begin licking just like I did when she first orgasmed. Immediately she will begin orgasming again, if not multi-orgasming. Again her clit becomes too sensitive and I wait... I continue this process until she can’t take it anymore. She’ll usually get 5-30 orgasms, sometimes more and sometimes less.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

StillSearching said:


> Just a quick question....
> If you compromise your need at all, it was never truly a need to begin with....Right?
> 
> And If he finished in your mouth before (because you know it's like snot) and now you don't like it....Is not that the ole "Bait and switch?"





StarFires said:


> I'm not talking about all the months and years prior, I'm saying just in the past 4 or 5 months, there have been several threads from guys asking things like "How do I get better in bed?" or "How do I make my wife cum?" or "How do I know when she's cumming?" or similar.
> 
> To answer those types of questions with......
> 
> _"stroke, tongue, touch, suck, vary location, rhythm, vary rhythm, build by moving away when she's building, when to NOT stop when she's building, include fingers at times, stop touching/moving right after an O, how to lightly begin again, know the clitoral shaft must be in serious play, left and right sides when slowing things down, how to address the "head", and stay in touch with her non vajajay areas of body too. Believe it or not, there are variations between women as to which side of the just below the ridge of the clitoral shaft is more sensitive. As well as which side of the valley bottom, too. That's where some nerve endings taper off, yet many women's nerve endings are very active there.
> 
> and above all how to intuit woman's reactions to play by play, adjust your current action when her body language indicates, and how to quickly hold your breath and not be surprised when she tightens her double handfuls of your hair and pulls you in so tight at certain times when she wants, so you're ready, and to not stop especially at that point."_
> 
> ......is not at all helpful. That wouldn't answer any of their questions in any constructive, descriptive, or demonstrative manner. Yet, that is exactly the type of responses they receive. Those guys came here with their own questions and curiosity, and they left here with even more questions and curiosity because nothing and no one answered their questions for them. That is no one but me. So, I can't even imagine how many there were who, in all the months and years prior, didn't receive the help they sought because you can't answer those types of questions with responses that assume they know what you are talking about when, by virtue of the questions, they came here not knowing what you're talking about.....or what any of it was about, for that matter.
> 
> Yes, of course, we know that women are different, different women respond to different stimuli, and different women enjoy different things. Being a girl, I'm in a unique position to respond with more helpful advice than they would otherwise receive. And, since I don't think all women are the same, I can and do, in the very least, offer some basics by way of a starting point that leads to discovery of their own woman's particular preferences and dislikes.
> 
> It's not fair to make the assertion that all should already know various things because as you pointed out, women are different. I submit that men, and what they have and have not explored and discovered, are also very different. An example of that is you saying, _"when she tightens her double handfuls of your hair and pulls you in so tight at certain times when she wants"_ were the times that I least liked because it meant the guy didn't know what he was doing. He was just down there doing some stuff, and whatever he was down there doing was not in the right place(s) and was more frustrating than effective, so I had to pull hair or ears to guide him. It wasn't fun or enjoyable for me to give myself pleasure and orgasm with his mouth hahahahaha. What I find most enjoyable is a guy a skilled enough at what he's doing that he sends me into delirium so that I'm weak and entirely under his control without having to interrupt my euphoria with the thought and effort of placing him where he belongs. Yes, there are guys just that skilled and knowledgeable, and what they do is what I described so others can know while fully aware that it won't work for all women. But I'm confident it works for most though may need some tweaking. Nevertheless, it's great for the novice, and it's also great for the willing who have performed oral many times but didn't realize they were being guided because they weren't quite as skilled as they could be. That you know what works for you and your wife is great, so you don't need enhancement from what I post.


See? All won't be as good for every woman, because some women are different and in different ways.

Some women are like a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle of a cloudless summer sky, but worth the perseverance to find out what SHE likes, and HER body language, to help her have an O.

To include:
I'm sure there are women who never will have an O, and that's ok without me saying it, but would be a good sense of enjoyment to support an SO in her having the "most enjoyable sex" she is capable of when in a good overall relationship. 

PS sorry there weren't enough details I suppose, but any more imho may have been construed as too much graphic detail. 

🙂


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Actually, as an Engineering technical writer of great experience, I could take my info, other esteemed forumites info, ladies and men, (emphasis on women's) input, complete the interviews, and write an exact how to manual, I guarantee you.

But at some point the mystery is removed, and without some mystery, the interaction and passion between a couple may be diminished.

But hey, I'm just a ******* from the woods.


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## Steelman

1) Where is a girl like you when I'm single?

2) It figures a thread like this gets 13 pages in a few days. Reading some of these is like reading Penthouse forum.


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## 269370

ReformedHubby said:


> Ha, ha....I see what you did there. I have written in this thread that I am unwilling to compromise, which is in itself a black or white viewpoint. I suppose one could argue I am missing out on some great potential partners, but I know myself at this point. *If I am not happy in a relationship sexually, I'm either going to find what I need elsewhere (one of the reasons my marriage ended), or break up with the person.* Its just better to be on the same page upfront. I think we can all agree on that point at least.



Hmmm...have you found it yet? How long have you been looking since? I just wonder...maybe this is not the actual requirement itself? Maybe the requirement is simply ‘variety’? I mean it’s possible one could have the cart before the horse, no? Some men simply cannot live without ‘variety’, it’s not their fault, it’s just the makeup.

What I mean is, one is more likely to compromise on some sexual minute details (of which ‘must come in mouth’ could be one) if you really desire and love that one person. Rather than find someone who does a, b or c and then fall in love with them. Does one fall in love with someone for what they do or for who they are? (Rhetorical question).


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## 269370

CraigBesuden said:


> Whenever I read threads like this, men and women will say that she gets an orgasm (or two).
> 
> With my wife, the first orgasm (or two) just primes the pump. Her clit becomes very sensitive and she tells me “okay” so I know to stop. Then I wait about twenty seconds, pull back her lips (no fingers inside now), and begin licking just like I did when she first orgasmed. Immediately she will begin orgasming again, if not multi-orgasming. Again her clit becomes too sensitive and I wait... I continue this process until she can’t take it anymore. She’ll usually get 5-30 orgasms, sometimes more and sometimes less.



Wow, I will have to try that...I just can’t believe this is a thing! 


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## 269370

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Some women are like a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle of a cloudless summer sky,



Bit of a poet, aren’t you 
Must be all those tongue skills of yours!


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## Faithful Wife

Have given to both men and women. I love both. 

I actually do love the act itself of giving a bj. I mean I love the peen so much that putting my mouth on it is just another way to express my love for it.

Like Lila said though, this has nothing to do with whether I love the person or not. If I love the penis I’m going to want to put my mouth on it. It feels wonderful to me.

Ejaculation is a different issue. Normally, not in my mouth. I actually wish I loved the taste and texture because it’s a very exciting moment and I hate pulling my mouth away. But I just have to because I can’t tolerate the taste or texture at all. It immediately makes me gag and that’s so unsexy. So I make sure to give a good hand ending or other, but also make sure it’s not going in my mouth.

I had one boyfriend who was the exception. I did love him but that’s not why he was the exception.

It was actually because he tasted different and had different texture than anyone I had ever been with, and his volume was so small (I’m not even sure why). I know he released himself pretty often and we had sex very often so I assumed it was that. But I’ve been with other guys having sex that much and their volume never went down as low as his was.

So he had this nice texture (like an icing over cinnamon buns, instead of mucus type texture) and I don’t know why but the taste was incredible. Nothing like any other I had ever tasted before or since.

His diet was mainly meat and potatoes. Nothing out of the ordinary and certainly not vegetarian. He also was a coffee drinker.

And then of course it was never more than a tablespoon (it was probably actually less than that, maybe half a tablespoon).

It was amazing and I loved it and I’m doubtful I’ll ever have that again so I likely won’t get to do it again.

On the flip side, never tasted a woman that wasn’t delicious. Though they don’t have that thick mucus type ejaculation and if they did I still wouldn’t like it.

I would have no problem being nexted for not swallowing. If I was a guy I imagine that would be so awesome and it may be something I wouldn’t want to give up. And I’ve had so many friends who have loved it with any guy so I’m quite aware there are plenty more fish out there for him.

I was talking to a guy recently who was very interested in whether I could squirt or not and wanted a mouthful of it. This isn’t always a thing guys want but it’s not something I need or even desire to do unless my partner is totally wanting it. 

I would however next a guy if he was totally put off by squirting in general.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

This is a whole lot better than a penis thread!!

😊😊😊


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## Faithful Wife

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> This is a whole lot better than a penis thread!!
> 
> 😊😊😊


This IS a penis thread. Like all threads, they are just a penis thread waiting to happen. Now it has happened.

But we can mix some ***** in there, too.


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## 269370

StarFires said:


> You're right, I actually dislike doing oral. In fact, I hate it, but I really like pleasuring him that way, so I do it for his enjoyment. I don't normally take his spunk but when I incorporate oral with anal or gooch play, then I sometimes do. I don't find the act of taking it to be gross. It's the taste that is unpleasant. Before that though, his secretions are rather tasty.


Can I ask what it is that is unpleasant to you about doing oral, if it’s not the fluids? (I hadn’t realised there are any ‘secretions’ beforehand...Is that with everybody? I never noticed.) I think if I noticed my wife felt that way about oral, it would not be so easy for me not to take it personally, on a biological level...(my brain would probably say “stop being a d1ck and use your brain, there’s a chance she still loves you, despite hating your d1ck”....



StarFires said:


> You can't stand the thought of it, and that's fine but think of it like this: I loved my mother of course, but I disliked her name. It's an old name that was common in her day, but I always felt it was an adult name and couldn't imagine a 3 or 5 year old being called by that name. It didn't seem to fit a little girl. She told me she named my eldest sister after her mother because she loved her mother so much. When she put it to me that way, I suddenly fell in love with her name because I then associated the name with the woman I loved. It wasn't just what she was called anymore. The name became my mother.
> 
> I love my husband, so I'm willing to do some things that are for his pleasure or for his comfort that are okay with me. Because the taste is awful, I don't take it every time, but I can take the discomfort sometimes. It won't kill me and it's not the only unpleasant thing I've ever tasted.



Maybe we (men) think of these things differently. In defence of Reformedhubby (not that he needs any defence  and just to argue the other side, for the sake of it, I think to us (men), the more uncomfortable or ‘disgusting’ thing we do, the more it is perhaps a sign of how much we love and crave for them. I don’t know. In the past, the ultimate sign of love to a woman (almost to the point of it bein some kind of a fetish) was that a man would be willing to die for her (most of the romantic operas and plays seem to have this common theme...). Perhaps the ‘Ultimate Sacrifice of Swallowing’, doesn’t quite have the same ring to it...

I do know that there’s pretty much nothing my wife could do to me that I would find disgusting or unpleasant. At least, nothing I can think of. (And I think of many things. More than I should!)



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## Red Sonja

frusdil said:


> So you would be ok with a *mouthful of snot* being shot into your mouth? Because that's pretty much what it's like for a woman when a man cums in her mouth. *It's gross.
> *
> The thought of it turns my stomach, but my husband would really like to cum in my mouth. So we compromise and he wears a condom. Is that something you would be willing to do?
> 
> And fyi just because a woman "will do it" or "is fine with it" doesn't mean she likes it. *Most women don't actually like it*.


:surprise: Well then, guess I'm not "most women".

P.S. If you end up with a "mouthful" you're either doing it wrong or you've got one of those (very) rare guys who produce more than a tablespoon.


----------



## CraigBesuden

Another thing. If the guy complains that cunnilingus hurts his neck:

Try lying at the end of the bed, with your legs spread and feet on the end of the mattress. Put down a soft comforter on the floor below for him the kneel on. Now he can lick you without having to bend his neck.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

Faithful Wife said:


> This IS a penis thread. Like all threads, they are just a penis thread waiting to happen. Now it has happened.
> 
> But we can mix some ***** in there, too.


Ha! I laughed out loud a bit!


----------



## 269370

One word: pine apple (sh1t, is it two words? ).

Apparently it transforms the taste of semen into the most delicious dessert you ever tasted! (Rumour would have it).

Dunno how to get around the texture problem...Maybe put it through a food processor to whisk it up properly, while it ejaculates...


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

InMyPrime said:


> Can I ask what it is that is unpleasant to you about doing oral, if it’s not the fluids? (I hadn’t realised there are any ‘secretions’ beforehand...Is that with everybody? I never noticed.) I think if I noticed my wife felt that way about oral, it would not be so easy for me not to take it personally, on a biological level...(my brain would probably say “stop being a d1ck and use your brain, there’s a chance she still loves you, despite hating your d1ck”....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe we (men) think of these things differently. In defence of Reformedhubby (not that he needs any defence  and just to argue the other side, for the sake of it, I think to us (men), the more uncomfortable or ‘disgusting’ thing we do, the more it is perhaps a sign of how much we love and crave for them. I don’t know. In the past, the ultimate sign of love to a woman (almost to the point of it bein some kind of a fetish) was that a man would be willing to die for her (most of the romantic operas and plays seem to have this common theme...). Perhaps the ‘Ultimate Sacrifice of Swallowing’, doesn’t quite have the same ring to it...
> 
> I do know that there’s pretty much nothing my wife could do to me that I would find disgusting or unpleasant. At least, nothing I can think of. (And I think of many things. More than I should!)
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


After tentatively bringing up the subject at wide periodic intervals and having very limited success actually executing the act, my wife finally blurted out that it activates her gag reflex. 

She had never said that in the past for fear of me taking it personally when she associated my member with the word 'gag.' I didn't take it personally though. This is a real thing, not easily overcome. She's one of those people who has extreme difficulty just taking a pill, even a small one.


----------



## 269370

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> After tentatively bringing up the subject at wide periodic intervals and having very limited success actually executing the act, my wife finally blurted out that it activates her gag reflex.
> 
> 
> 
> She had never said that in the past for fear of me taking it personally when she associated my member with the word 'gag.' I didn't take it personally though. This is a real thing, not easily overcome. She's one of those people who has extreme difficulty just taking a pill, even a small one.



My wife too actually. Can’t swallow pills for some reason and gags easily.... Loves **** though...Or at least appears to. I dunno...you guys are giving me insecurities now that she might be making it up! (Appearing to love ****).
Maybe you are very bigly? (Tonsil-tickler). Or she thinks swallowing is a must? 
I don’t see what’s so terrible about d1cks. And i say that as a straight guy...


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## Lila

Faithful Wife said:


> Have given to both men and women. I love both.
> 
> I actually do love the act itself of giving a bj. I mean I love the peen so much that putting my mouth on it is just another way to express my love for it.
> 
> Like Lila said though, this has nothing to do with whether I love the person or not. If I love the penis I’m going to want to put my mouth on it. It feels wonderful to me.
> 
> Ejaculation is a different issue. Normally, not in my mouth. I actually wish I loved the taste and texture because it’s a very exciting moment and I hate pulling my mouth away. But I just have to because I can’t tolerate the taste or texture at all. It immediately makes me gag and that’s so unsexy. So I make sure to give a good hand ending or other, but also make sure it’s not going in my mouth.
> 
> I had one boyfriend who was the exception. I did love him but that’s not why he was the exception.
> 
> It was actually because he tasted different and had different texture than anyone I had ever been with, and his volume was so small (I’m not even sure why). I know he released himself pretty often and we had sex very often so I assumed it was that. But I’ve been with other guys having sex that much and their volume never went down as low as his was.
> 
> So he had this nice texture (like an icing over cinnamon buns, instead of mucus type texture) and I don’t know why but the taste was incredible. Nothing like any other I had ever tasted before or since.
> 
> His diet was mainly meat and potatoes. Nothing out of the ordinary and certainly not vegetarian. He also was a coffee drinker.
> 
> And then of course it was never more than a tablespoon (it was probably actually less than that, maybe half a tablespoon).
> 
> It was amazing and I loved it and I’m doubtful I’ll ever have that again so I likely won’t get to do it again.
> 
> On the flip side, never tasted a woman that wasn’t delicious. Though they don’t have that thick mucus type ejaculation and if they did I still wouldn’t like it.
> 
> I would have no problem being nexted for not swallowing. If I was a guy I imagine that would be so awesome and it may be something I wouldn’t want to give up. And I’ve had so many friends who have loved it with any guy so I’m quite aware there are plenty more fish out there for him.
> 
> I was talking to a guy recently who was very interested in whether I could squirt or not and wanted a mouthful of it. This isn’t always a thing guys want but it’s not something I need or even desire to do unless my partner is totally wanting it.
> 
> I would however next a guy if he was totally put off by squirting in general.


Like!

Having also given to both, and also tasted my own many many times (V t M), there's no competition. Women are hands down....tastier. That doesn't translate into an actual desire to actually perform the act. I won't take his spurge in my mouth but I love giving my man BJs. Women taste great but I have no desire to swim in that pond ever again.


----------



## CharlieParker

InMyPrime said:


> Or she thinks swallowing is a must?


That’s my wife. I have to reassure her if helps her go longer feel free to spit. She’s basically done after one gag (discussed before marriage). She’s said not swallowing helps, I said I’ll get towel.


----------



## uhtred

Not what I've seen. 

It looks to me that there is a male type that is popular with a subset of women, and there is a female type that is popular with a subset of men, but that there are a substantial number of men and and women whose preferences fall outside of that range.

I'd date a hot astrophysicist over a hot fashion model any day. There are a number of women who are attracted to me despite my being a sort of skinny geeky guy. (but in a lovable way....). 

The guy I know who got the most attention from women was completely average looking, and not wealthy - but just somehow charming. Even my wife said that he was very attractive, though she couldn't say quite why. 

Lots of variation. 





Buddy400 said:


> I'd say 10% of men are drowning in *****.
> 
> The other 90% are desperate and will take whatever they can get.
> 
> Unfortunately, it's the 10% that most women are interested in.


----------



## 269370

Lila said:


> Women taste great but I have no desire to swim in that pond ever again.



Why not?

But that’s a bit apples and oranges comparison anyway..Men don’t keep dripping wetness (I think? I don’t think I do anyway) and you have a choice: you can give BJs without having to taste cum but you can’t give oral to a woman without tasting her liquids.

In any case, I don’t think the ‘original design’ was intended for swallowing though, was it? 
I mean there’s something really ****ed up about having the desire to swallow a bunch of baby potentials....
Probably second most messed up thing after causing mass-holocaust extinctions in the anal gas chambers...


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## Buddy400

InMyPrime said:


> My wife too actually. Can’t swallow pills for some reason and gags easily.... Loves **** though...Or at least appears to. I dunno...you guys are giving me insecurities now that she might be making it up!


STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!

I mean, RIGHT NOW!

Of course she loves sucking your ****. No question.


----------



## EllisRedding

CharlieParker said:


> That’s my wife. I have to reassure her if helps her go longer feel free to spit. She’s basically done after one gag (discussed before marriage). She’s said not swallowing helps, I said I’ll get towel.


Mental note, bring my own towel if I ever stay over at @CharlieParker house...


----------



## Cletus

uhtred said:


> I'd date a hot astrophysicist over a hot fashion model any day.


Would you compromise on a balding, slightly pudgy amateur astronomer with a REALLY big 'scope? 

Except, now that you mention it, I'm not really all that into **** either.


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## Cletus

EllisRedding said:


> Mental note, bring my own towel if I ever stay over at @CharlieParker house...


Get in line, pal...


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## 269370

EllisRedding said:


> Mental note, bring my own towel if I ever stay over at @CharlieParker house...



Why? Do you visit friends expecting someone will spit out your army of soldiers into your own towel? Presumptuous much. 


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

InMyPrime said:


> My wife too actually. Can’t swallow pills for some reason and gags easily.... Loves **** though...Or at least appears to. I dunno...you guys are giving me insecurities now that she might be making it up! (Appearing to love ****).
> Maybe you are very bigly? (Tonsil-tickler). Or she thinks swallowing is a must?
> I don’t see what’s so terrible about d1cks. And i say that as a straight guy...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I honestly don't know if there's a correlation between difficulty swallowing pills and difficulty gobbling ****. Maybe there is and your wife is an exception to the rule, or maybe there isn't and my wife's difficulties are purely coincidental. 

In the end, I'm inclined to think it really boils down to her core belief that non-intercourse sex acts don purely for pleasure sake are shameful or somehow not legitimate. On one hand, it's a strange thought for her because it's not like she's constrained by any fundamentalist religious dogma. On the other hand, there have been some (prior to me) events in her life that could definitely influence that thought. It's a real shame, because on those rare occasions when she has allowed herself to loosen up, she's pretty awesome and we both have a very good time. 

I love her dearly and I would never leave her over this, but I have reached a point where if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't.


----------



## 269370

Cletus said:


> Would you compromise on a balding, slightly pudgy amateur astronomer with a REALLY big 'scope?



I can verify. After learning about the dimensions, it is extraordinarily bigly.  



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----------



## 269370

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I love her dearly and I would never leave her over this, but I have reached a point where if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't.



You mean you ‘would’? That’s quite a big statement if that’s the case.
I wonder if she senses it in some way or another and perhaps it inhibits her mentality of ‘getting loose easily’.

For a very long time (dunno if it’s still the case), it was accepted wisdom for (some) women to have the responsibility to keep her husband’s sexual desire ‘under control’. The fear was that once the husband got everything he wanted and was fully satisfied sexually, he might get bored and leave for something more exciting. That it was the sense of constant pursuit that kept the man interested...This may seem counterintuitive but maybe it was true for some men.

Pursuit is certainly that’s important for me. But I don’t think I would ever stop pursuing, even if we ****ed 5 times a day...


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## Buddy400

CharlieParker said:


> That’s my wife. I have to reassure her if helps her go longer feel free to spit. She’s basically done after one gag (discussed before marriage). She’s said not swallowing helps, I said I’ll get towel.


A blowjob to completion in special because it's a *blowjob to completion*.

A blowjob finished with a handjob is like a blowjob finished by PIV; nice but not the same (and the handjob part is something I could do better myself).

What she does with it after completion is up to her (as long as she doesn't immediately jump up and go to the bathroom to loudly hack it up). My wife uses a conveniently placed towel too. 

My wife use to swallow until I told her that it didn't matter to me (which I only slightly regret having said).

Also, many women will seize up at the moment of arrival and not move a muscle as they struggle to cope. I initially had to tell my wife that using her hands (in conjunction with her lips) at this point was vital. Ideally, the movement continues uninterrupted; but at a slower, deeper pace for a minute or so. 

About a year ago, I had surgery that resulted in retrograde ejaculation (a known side effect). My wife is in heaven.


----------



## uhtred

Well the slightly pudgy guy I knew who was very popular with women was a scientist, if not exactly an astronomer. Maybe word got out about his equipment, but I don't think so. He was just.. well charming. 

I've done my best to study and learn. (and its helped)




Cletus said:


> Would you compromise on a balding, slightly pudgy amateur astronomer with a REALLY big 'scope?
> 
> Except, now that you mention it, I'm not really all that into **** either.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

InMyPrime said:


> You mean you ‘would’? That’s quite a big statement if that’s the case.
> I wonder if she senses it in some way or another and perhaps it inhibits her mentality of ‘getting loose easily’.
> 
> For a very long time (dunno if it’s still the case), it was accepted wisdom for (some) women to have the responsibility to keep her husband’s sexual desire ‘under control’. The fear was that once the husband got everything he wanted and was fully satisfied sexually, he might get bored and leave for something more exciting. That it was the sense of constant pursuit that kept the man interested...This may seem counterintuitive but maybe it was true for some men.
> 
> Pursuit is certainly that’s important for me. But I don’t think I would ever stop pursuing, even if we ****ed 5 times a day...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


No, I definitely meant wouldn't. 

But that does not lead to the conclusion that she would hold back as a result because that is a very, very recent revelation on my part. It was preceded by over 30 years of my complete and totally unwavering commitment and devotion to her. The commitment still remains; the devotion, not so much. Yes, she senses it now, but that was not a player in 30 years of her being so self cloistered. 

She did once say it took her about 12 years to get totally comfortable with me. All I could think was then why the hell did you marry me? This wasn't a classic bait and switch, but it felt a lot like one as i felt like she had perpetrated a fraud in marrying me. in her mind that was actually a huge compliment that she saw enough in me to pledge her life to me despite not yet having fully become comfortable yet. In the end, I know that not opening up to others is inherent in her personality, and that was badly exacerbated in her upbringing and formative years, FOO, etc. 

As for the old theory, there's some truth to that, at least as a belief. Interestingly, my wife on a few occasions would say (jokingly) she had to keep some things in reserve so she could break them out to keep me if/when I got bored. Thing is, were in our mid 50s, and they're still in reserve! Menopause robbed her not only of what little desire she had, but also put very real limitations on what her body is capable of. So even if she did decide to loosen up, she couldn't. The window is closed. She simply waited me out.


----------



## 269370

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> No, I definitely meant wouldn't.
> 
> 
> 
> But that does not lead to the conclusion that she would hold back as a result because that is a very, very recent revelation on my part. It was preceded by over 30 years of my complete and totally unwavering commitment and devotion to her. The commitment still remains; the devotion, not so much. Yes, she senses it now, but that was not a player in 30 years of her being so self cloistered.
> 
> 
> 
> She did once say it took her about 12 years to get totally comfortable with me.


Comfortable in what way?



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> All I could think was then why the hell did you marry me? This wasn't a classic bait and switch, but it felt a lot like one as i felt like she had perpetrated a fraud in marrying me. in her mind that was actually a huge compliment that she saw enough in me to pledge her life to me despite not yet having fully become comfortable yet. In the end, I know that not opening up to others is inherent in her personality, and that was badly exacerbated in her upbringing and formative years, FOO, etc.
> 
> 
> 
> As for the old theory, there's some truth to that, at least as a belief. Interestingly, my wife on a few occasions would say (jokingly) she had to keep some things in reserve so she could break them out to keep me if/when I got bored. Thing is, were in our mid 50s, and they're still in reserve! Menopause robbed her not only of what little desire she had, but also put very real limitations on what her body is capable of. So even if she did decide to loosen up, she couldn't. The window is closed. She simply waited me out.



Are you sure she was joking? Many girls seem to be brought up that way and I don’t think it’s a bad thing...But eventually it’s important to get to some kind of mutual understanding with trust as the basis. At least that’s the theory...


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----------



## Lila

InMyPrime said:


> Lila said:
> 
> 
> 
> Women taste great but I have no desire to swim in that pond ever again.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Why not?
> 
> But that’s a bit apples and oranges comparison anyway..Men don’t keep dripping wetness (I think? I don’t think I do anyway) and you have a choice: you can give BJs without having to taste cum but you can’t give oral to a woman without tasting her liquids.
> 
> In any case, I don’t think the ‘original design’ was intended for swallowing though, was it?
> I mean there’s something really ****ed up about having the desire to swallow a bunch of baby potentials....
> Probably second most messed up thing after causing mass-holocaust extinctions in the anal gas chambers...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

TMI but my experiences with other women were as part of threesome's. I learned through experience that although I can appreciate a woman's beauty, I do not desire them sexually. I DO desire sex with men. Plus I was the center in every one of those experiences which made it incredible. That's probably why I could enjoy it in a threesome setting but not independently.


----------



## 269370

Lila said:


> TMI but my experiences with other women were as part of threesome's. I learned through experience that although I can appreciate a woman's beauty, I do not desire them sexually. I DO desire sex with men. Plus I was the center in every one of those experiences which made it incredible. That's probably why I could enjoy it in a threesome setting but not independently.



Threesomes are never TMI, are you kidding?  Lucky you.


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----------



## StarFires

InMyPrime said:


> Can I ask what it is that is unpleasant to you about doing oral, if it’s not the fluids? (I hadn’t realised there are any ‘secretions’ beforehand...Is that with everybody? I never noticed.) I think if I noticed my wife felt that way about oral, it would not be so easy for me not to take it personally, on a biological level...(my brain would probably say “stop being a d1ck and use your brain, there’s a chance she still loves you, despite hating your d1ck”....


A. Gagging. Absolutely hate it. My husband is too big, so I can't do it the way I like and know that he would really like. There was a boyfriend (the one who made me ejac by oral) who was the perfect size for oral. Very little gagging and I was able to swallow him. He loved when I pumped the back of my throat with his penis. Drove him mad. He would lose his mind when I took him down my throat as far as he could go and then just held him there a moment or two. I made sure those were sudden and surprising moves so he never knew to expect them. I really I liked pleasuring him, but I could never do that before and can't do any of it for my husband. I feel like I'm depriving him.

B. Jaw fatigue. It hurts. It hurts for a while after also. It feels like you lose control of your jaw bone until it stops hurting and feels like yours again.

C. The viewing. Men like watching and maybe some women like being watched, but I hate that he can see me while doing it, and there's no way to do it out of his view (from the side with my back to him doesn't provide full access and is actually more gagging) except to blindfold him lol. hmmm Maybe I should do that.

But don't get me wrong. Were it not for A & B, I would like doing it because I really like that I can pleasure him and I really like the penis. I think they are beautiful and I like it my mouth. It's just A & B that I dislike, so I would rather not have to do it at all, except that I do have to, so I do it because I like that he likes it.

It's hard to believe you didn't know you secrete fluid. Well, yes you do, and it is delicious.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

InMyPrime said:


> Comfortable in what way?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Are you sure she was joking? Many girls seem to be brought up that way and I don’t think it’s a bad thing...But eventually it’s important to get to some kind of mutual understanding with trust as the basis. At least that’s the theory...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Comfortable enough to truly relax during sex.

No, I'm sure she wasn't entirely joking. Either way, her saying that had nothing to do with her upbringing. Either it was an original thought or it was something she read.


----------



## uhtred

For many men, C is a big part of the appeal. (sorry, can't say why, but the visual effect is great). Not that the occasional blindfold is a bad idea, but just be aware that he probably loves what he is seeing (and the visual effect may get it over with faster..) (along with blindfolds, 69 will keep him from seeing anything - except he doesn't like to do you, which was the original post)

B is also an issue for giving oral to women. (tongue fatigue syndrome....)


A - I can certainly see that being difficult. Just tell him that he is so huge that you have trouble managing it. :wink2:





StarFires said:


> A. Gagging. Absolutely hate it. My husband is too big, so I can't do it the way I like and know that he would really like. There was a boyfriend (the one who made me ejac by oral) who was the perfect size for oral. Very little gagging and I was able to swallow him. He loved when I pumped the back of my throat with his penis. Drove him mad. He would lose his mind when I took him down my throat as far as he could go and then just held him there a moment or two. I made sure those were sudden and surprising moves so he never knew to expect them. I really I liked pleasuring him, but I could never do that before and can't do any of it for my husband. I feel like I'm depriving him.
> 
> B. Jaw fatigue. It hurts. It hurts for a while after also. It feels like you lose control of your jaw bone until it stops hurting and feels like yours again.
> 
> C. The viewing. Men like watching and maybe some women like being watched, but I hate that he can see me while doing it, and there's no way to do it out of his view (from the side with my back to him doesn't provide full access and is actually more gagging) except to blindfold him lol. hmmm Maybe I should do that.
> 
> But don't get me wrong. Were it not for A & B, I would like doing it because I really like that I can pleasure him and I really like the penis. I think they are beautiful and I like it my mouth. It's just A & B that I dislike, so I would rather not have to do it at all, except that I do have to, so I do it because I like that he likes it.
> 
> It's hard to believe you didn't know you secrete fluid. Well, yes you do, and it is delicious.


----------



## notmyjamie

I think I can honestly say I've never read so much about blow jobs in one sitting in my entire life!!! 

It's funny how our first experiences color us for years to come. My first boyfriend "taught" me that it's just expected a guy will finish in your mouth and that you can spit it out but it's way better if you swallow it. So that's how I lived my life. 

Now I learn I could have been pulling off all these years?!!?!? I cry foul!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

In all seriousness, the thing I enjoy about doing it is that he enjoys it. And since his enjoyment is my goal, I tailor my efforts to what I know he likes. If he wants me to finish to completion that's what I'll do. If he really needs me to swallow to have full satisfaction, I'll suck it up (pun most certainly intended!!!) and swallow. It is tiring and my jaw does start to ache so if I'm going to deal with all that, I want the outcome to be spectacular for all my efforts.


----------



## CharlieParker

notmyjamie said:


> I think I can honestly say I've never read so much about blow jobs in one sitting in my entire life!!!


That’s because you’re relatively new to TAM.


----------



## 269370

StarFires said:


> A. Gagging. Absolutely hate it. My husband is too big, so I can't do it the way I like and know that he would really like. There was a boyfriend (the one who made me ejac by oral) who was the perfect size for oral. Very little gagging and I was able to swallow him. He loved when I pumped the back of my throat with his penis. Drove him mad. He would lose his mind when I took him down my throat as far as he could go and then just held him there a moment or two. I made sure those were sudden and surprising moves so he never knew to expect them. I really I liked pleasuring him, but I could never do that before and can't do any of it for my husband. I feel like I'm depriving him.


Hmm. I think the most sensitive parts are just under the shaft so if you can’t ‘swallow it whole’ you can just focus on perfecting technique for the top part of it. You know how you were describing what to do to the clit with thumb while giving oral? It’s even more effective if you do it to the penis (clit is too small...). Also licking the whole thing up and down slowly. Problem with deep throat is not only the size (i have that massive problem too ) but also that your mouth can’t compete with a vagina...(and I don’t see why it should). Vagina is designed to properly envelop the whole thing tightly and pulsate around it. Your mouth won’t really be able to do it anyway so better to do something that the vagina can’t do instead (more work in combination with tongue and hands...).



StarFires said:


> B. Jaw fatigue. It hurts. It hurts for a while after also. It feels like you lose control of your jaw bone until it stops hurting and feels like yours again.


Yeah if you change A then you won’t have B.



StarFires said:


> C. The viewing. Men like watching and maybe some women like being watched, but I hate that he can see me while doing it, and there's no way to do it out of his view (from the side with my back to him doesn't provide full access and is actually more gagging) except to blindfold him lol. hmmm Maybe I should do that.


If you don’t like him watching you can always block his view by sitting on his face...That’s how I prefer it anyway. (I’m too greedy, it can be a problem). But more difficult to access the sensitive parts so you have to be good with both your hands and can use some tongue.... That’s why ideally you’d need two women: one to block the view with her ass and the other one to focus on the detail...



StarFires said:


> But don't get me wrong. Were it not for A & B, I would like doing it because I really like that I can pleasure him and I really like the penis. I think they are beautiful and I like it my mouth. It's just A & B that I dislike, so I would rather not have to do it at all, except that I do have to, so I do it because I like that he likes it.


I think you should focus more on what YOU like to do to the penis, not what you THINK he might like to have. It’s there for your pleasure too to play with, you know. Then things will fall into place. (And the jaw will not fall out...)



StarFires said:


> It's hard to believe you didn't know you secrete fluid. Well, yes you do, and it is delicious.



I have never seen more than a tiny drop. And only just before orgasm. But I’m not sure it would be enough to taste anything.




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## frusdil

StarFires said:


> I love my husband, *so I'm willing to do some things that are for his pleasure or for his comfort *that are okay with me. Because the taste is awful, I don't take it every time, but I can take the discomfort sometimes. It won't kill me and it's not the only unpleasant thing I've ever tasted.


And so am I. There's other things he likes to do that I don't, but I happily do them as they don't turn my stomach and force my sensitive gag reflex like taking his cum would. I love oral sex, I love putting my mouth on him but I just cant' stomach the fluids. I can't.




CharlieParker said:


> I'll preface this by saying I personally don't find sucking a **** appealing, but I can't fathom how sucking a condom covered one could be appealing or enjoyable.


It isn't fun sucking a condom covered one, but it means my husband gets what he wants and I don't end up throwing up all over him afterwards.



StillSearching said:


> Just a quick question....
> If you compromise your need at all, it was never truly a need to begin with....Right?
> 
> *And If he finished in your mouth before (because you know it's like snot) and now you don't like it....Is not that the ole "Bait and switch?"*


Nope, because while I've happily and lovingly given him oral for years now, I've always been very clear from the get go that I won't take it in my mouth. It was my suggestion to try the condom, not his. I am a loving wife who loves to please my husband, but I also have a sensitive stomach and gag reflex. This compromise is a win/win and works for us.



Red Sonja said:


> :surprise: Well then, guess I'm not "most women".
> 
> P.S. If you end up with a "mouthful" you're either doing it wrong or you've got one of those (very) rare guys who produce more than a tablespoon.


Meh, the way my gag reflex behaves it may as well be a litre!


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## ReformedHubby

Buddy400 said:


> wer, deeper pace for a minute or so.
> 
> About a year ago, I had surgery that resulted in retrograde ejaculation (a known side effect). My wife is in heaven.


Interesting, I know what that is. Started happening to me after I had a failed back operation (starting to realize there is no such thing as a successful one). It happens sporadically though, maybe like once every 9 or 10 times. I do think it has something to do with the position I'm in. Its weird...nothing comes out at all. But I guess its perfect if your partner doesn't like it. No mess ever.


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## CraigBesuden

InMyPrime said:


> CraigBesuden said:
> 
> 
> 
> Whenever I read threads like this, men and women will say that she gets an orgasm (or two).
> 
> With my wife, the first orgasm (or two) just primes the pump. Her clit becomes very sensitive and she tells me “okay” so I know to stop. Then I wait about twenty seconds, pull back her lips (no fingers inside now), and begin licking just like I did when she first orgasmed. Immediately she will begin orgasming again, if not multi-orgasming. Again her clit becomes too sensitive and I wait... I continue this process until she can’t take it anymore. She’ll usually get 5-30 orgasms, sometimes more and sometimes less.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Wow, I will have to try that...I just can’t believe this is a thing!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

Please let me know if this works. I know it works for my wife but I have no idea if this works on other women.


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## FasterEddy

I feel like I’ve hot the lazy lover jackpot. I’ve always sucked at eating ****s so my wife actually stopped me from doing it long tome ago. Sadly though she’s probably haven’t had an orgasm by me in awhile too


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## *Deidre*

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Yep, that's a been there, done that... a few times (mostly with things other than oral). She's occasionally willing to go along now, but it's obvious she doesn't want to and it's just to placate me; it's really very patronizing when she does go along which is a total buzzkill. To her credit, she's really putting in some effort when she does, but the very fact that it's that huge of an effort in the first place kinda' defeats the point.
> 
> Interestingly, on one occasion I did just start going down on her and she seemed to really enjoy it (she's not at all demonstrative under the best of circumstances). I have to be very careful because she's exceptionally sensitive, and I'm admittedly lacking in experience given her reluctance. She appeared to climax (like I said, she's very reserved), and then pushed me away, but looked at me and said, very genuinely " That was very nice!" which is one of only two times I can recall her saying something really positive regarding sex.
> 
> And yet... after that, it was back to the same ol', same ol'. Maybe even more reluctant than before.
> 
> Conversely, I got her to do me all the way once. Afterword, she looked up at me with her best ever bedroom eyes and said "So you liked that, eh?" It was clear she got a kick out of really taking me for a ride.
> 
> But again, after that? Nada.


Does she know how much this bothers you?


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## Buddy400

*Deidre* said:


> Does she know how much this bothers you?


That's the million dollar question.

In this case, I suspect she does.

In many other cases one partner just assumes their SO knows, and they don't.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

*Deidre* said:


> Does she know how much this bothers you?


Yes.


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## Girl_power

Update: I swear it’s like he read this thread because he has been going down on me a lot more. Still hasn’t went down on me to completion but I’m ok with that. I am just going to be more verbal expressing How much I like it etc.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

A good BJ is a combination of hands and mouth.

Works in all situations. 

Just throwing that out there.


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## 269370

Girl_power said:


> Update: I swear it’s like he read this thread because he has been going down on me a lot more. Still hasn’t went down on me to completion but I’m ok with that. I am just going to be more verbal expressing How much I like it etc.



This is good: both of you are getting better at oral, in different ways 


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## 269370

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> A good BJ is a combination of hands and mouth.
> 
> 
> 
> Works in all situations.
> 
> 
> 
> Just throwing that out there.



Or feet and mouth...depends how good she is with her toes....


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