# blended family, mulitple kids, ex drama



## CJR39 (Jan 8, 2010)

I am a part of a large extended family, young, and married to an older man that has many children and a couple of mothers involved. It has been hard for me as I believe that my husband has a lot of guilt and shame and doesn’t do for me directly and even doesn’t show affection and says kind words in the middle of “all family meetings” when the exes are around. He doesn’t consider my general feelings concerning anything.
I was recently lied upon by his older child. Saying I am mean to him. This has been over a year of the same issue that hasn’t been resolved. My husband believed the child over me (which I have a 2 year old little girl and would believe her over anyone) however I have been supermom to these many children and have done more for them then even their mothers have in cases. 
I am struggling as to whether my life is going to be this way forever. I don’t like to be a part of the exes lives, I don’t like the baggage. I have realized the situation I have gotten myself into however I have a child now by this man and I do love him. (Not as much as I used too but the love is still there.) I don’t want to just stay together for our child however I never wanted a divorce around my child. But I don’t think my husband can be a husband to me as well as a father to all of his children. I am the partial (70%) provider of our finances and I am moving towards making him balance that out which I also resent. 
He is a great person, but I don’t know if I have faith in his ability to give me what I need. He has not held himself accountable for anything wrong he has done towards me concerning his exes or the children. I feel like I am third in line 1) children 2)exes and 3) me. I am always the one in the wrong, I am the one who has said or done this wrong and I am sick of the attacks. I have been completely disrespected by them but everyone is pointing the blame on me even though everyone on the outside, including my mother in law knows the truth and that I am someone who would never treat the kids wrong. 
I want to separate but I want things to get better and by better I mean my needs being met. Has anyone felt this way? BTW it has been 6 years of relationship and 4 years of marriage. What to do when you resent the person you’re with and they are not doing anything to change that? 
“Sick and Tired”


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## too_far_into_it (Jan 6, 2010)

I don't know if I'm the one to be giving advice, but I've been doing a lot of it today so I'll give it a go :lol:.

I think you need to have a heart to heart with him. Maybe put down on paper what you have posted here to help you make your point to him. I too feel like a second class citizen in my relationship only we have different sets of circumstances.

I would say that after you have expressed the way you feel and he still doesn't respond I would look to take some time away from him. In my situation I tell my husband what is bothering me, tell him how he makes me feel when he does certain things and it still doesn't sink in to his tiny little brain. That is maddening. So talk. Lay it out there, don't hold a thing back. I know a lot of people here recommend counseling but I'm not a fan of it. I find counselors here in my area are usually young kids right out of school with no more than a bachelors degree who give advice on things they have no experience with. It may help you and your h to see one together. Maybe the counselor will enlighten him in a way you can't


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