# Can't take it anymore!! What should I do??



## Sunkist08 (Nov 2, 2008)

My husband and I have been married for almost 2.5 years. With in the last year, I've noticed that I don't seem to be as "in to him" as I was when we first got married. I'm just not interested in having sex with him anymore. Things had become very "vanilla" early in the relationship, which I contributed to his lack of experience in comparison to my experience. I've tried several times to spice things up, but he shys away every time. He's completely against using any toys.

He has a bit of an internet addiction. Not porn, just the internet in general. He will spend his entire day off on the computer listening to music and chatting. We'll sit and watch tv together for a bit, then he'll get up and go back to the computer. That also seems to cut into our sex life. And when he is interested in sex, he's not very sensual, it's more like an "I'm horny.. let's get this over with." I haven't had a man made orgasm in years! He says I take too long to orgasm, and he gets bored with it. There's no foreplay, which I've tried to explain would maybe help my situation. But, no matter how many times I've tried talking to him about it, he just shuts down.

I don't know what to do anymore. I love him, but I don't want to be in a sexless marriage. I mean, I'm sure there could be sex, but I want it to be pleasurable for both of us, and it just seems like he's not willing to put out the effort.

Should I give him an ultimatum? **** me hard or I'll find someone else to do it for you? I don't know!!!


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## 412 (Oct 18, 2008)

Wow Sunkist, I share a similar issue yet in a 'bizzaro' reverse sense...at first I thought I had this pegged but then I read "I've noticed that I don't seem to be as "in to him" as I was when we first got married. I'm just not interested in having sex with him anymore." Couple that with " He says I take too long to orgasm, and he gets bored with it." and I almost feel like you need to give the both of you an ultimatum. You want it; he doesn't need it. As long as he stays connected to the internet, he will stay unconnected to you...could go on for years while your left not only sexless, but lonely too; what's the point? He has an outlet...have you ever considered quilting? Sorry, Sunkist, but I'm not going to tip-toe around so 'everyone is happy'...I'm just trying to offer my honest, sincere opinion, which is why we ALL are here. If ,on the other hand, the two of you were like 'best friends' in your day to day functions and just had a quickie now and then I would suggest otherwise...but he can't even watch t.v. with you or talk with you about your concerns; you are shut down. You sound bold enough (toys), what would he do if you 'hung out' next to him while he sat on the computer...just to be with him? Would he get irritated or invite you closer? Not trying to further your conflict, but it would confirm what he wants. What do you want, really?


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## Sunkist08 (Nov 2, 2008)

> He has an outlet...have you ever considered quilting?


No, I've developed a taste for the drink, though. I've found I spend more time with my friends (all of whom are male) than I do with him. My husband is very shy, so he doesn't like to go out and do things. I own a business so we run into customers at the store and he'll walk off into another aisle so he doesn't have to talk to them. Most of my friends forget that I'm married because he's never with me.



> what would he do if you 'hung out' next to him while he sat on the computer...just to be with him?


He would either tell me to leave, or try to get me sucked into whatever drama is happening in the chat room he's in at the time. I've tried to pull him away from it to have sex, and he won't leave. Then later on he'll come up and rub up against me, and I'm just not into it anymore.

He's tried a couple times to cut back, but it never works. We had a rule that if I wasn't on the computer, then he wouldn't be on his. So I would hang out in the living room, and he would talk to me from his computer in the room next door. That's hot... let me tell ya.



> What do you want, really?


I haven't decided yet. I'm to the point now where I don't think I can teach this dog any new tricks because he's too interested in something else to learn. So I'm wondering if I shouldn't just get out. I hate to think that I ended a marriage simply on the fact that we weren't sexually compatible. We get along most of the time, with our usual fights about money, so other than that, I really have no grounds to really leave him.

We've tried couples therapy, and that didn't work. He wouldn't talk to the counselors, so we couldn't really accomplish anything. Someone else suggested sex counseling, and that just seems like a waste of money considering how couples therapy went. I guess I'm either going to become asexual or divorced... or a dirty cheating *****... haven't quite made up my mind.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

You know.. you could be on your computer and flirt with him on his.  You are married, so what is the harm in doing this? :scratchhead: You're a woman..go turn him on, hun. 

You just have to spice it up for him, that's all. Like this song here..

YouTube - Rupert Holmes - Escape / The Pina Colada Song (Lyrics)


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## Ashley (Oct 21, 2008)

Sunkist08 said:


> My husband and I have been married for almost 2.5 years. With in the last year, I've noticed that I don't seem to be as "in to him" as I was when we first got married. I'm just not interested in having sex with him anymore. Things had become very "vanilla" early in the relationship, which I contributed to his lack of experience in comparison to my experience. I've tried several times to spice things up, but he shys away every time. He's completely against using any toys.
> 
> He has a bit of an internet addiction. Not porn, just the internet in general. He will spend his entire day off on the computer listening to music and chatting. We'll sit and watch tv together for a bit, then he'll get up and go back to the computer. That also seems to cut into our sex life. And when he is interested in sex, he's not very sensual, it's more like an "I'm horny.. let's get this over with." I haven't had a man made orgasm in years! He says I take too long to orgasm, and he gets bored with it. There's no foreplay, which I've tried to explain would maybe help my situation. But, no matter how many times I've tried talking to him about it, he just shuts down.
> 
> ...



Take the wire off the computer, remove the internet connection, the ADSL box or simply the LAN and internet wires, and thats it.
When you will have his attention, talk together and get it done with.
Do not give him the wires back before he is doing forplay as a usual way to make love, and pays attention to you in a real way.
it is incredible that you even have to ask for it and to go to such extreme but you got no choice.
Give him also an ultimatum, that you want out of this marriage if he doesnt behave better and of he doesnt treat you better starting NOW!
There is no point in calling it a marriage when all you do is living with a guy who doesnt give a damn about you and use you only as a maid and sex for free.
He bangs you like a man do a hore, expecting her to spread her legs, and him to just get his way and pleasure and not giving a damn about the lady..
Why should you acccept being treated this way?
Next time he want some, take his hand and put it on his sex, and say to him, do like me, pleasure yourself, or ask the computer if he wants to give you some..   
And turn your back on him and sleep.
That will get the message through
Learn to set the limit and to say NO! 
NO i wont accept being treated this way!
Gain back some selfrespect.
Make food only for you and ignore him totaly.
If he ask, tell him "well since we got to be roommaid, you better learn to take care of yourself." 
He treat you like inexisting, got his own self independent act together, do what he wants, he dont care. So he also got to take the consequences of it and live with it.
He cant have both, and thats what you have to make him understand.
Dont give in and dont give up.
Scare him well. Bad guys only respond to threats and being pushed, men only respond to limits, clear red, well shouted loud, limits. If not they just behave like pigs, and dont care. 
Of course there is the good ones, those we heard about but actualy never met.. 

You go girl, show him what women can do, show him your strength, and have a good laugh at it! :smthumbup:

Who said that repairing marriage couldnt be fun?


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## Guest (Nov 2, 2008)




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