# wife hiding relationship, how should I handle



## john1587 (Jul 29, 2010)

We have been married two years, and I became suspicious of an emotional affair my wife might have been having after a friend from high school contacted her last year. At first she told me it was strange that he was talking to her non-stop and I could see at that point it was unwanted attention; I asked her if she wanted me to say something and she said it wasn't necessary, so I left it alone

I found an online conversation between them later that month, nothing sexual, but definitely flirtatious. When I was online, he messaged me thinking it was her. When I told him who I was, he quickly signed off. 

Every few months (August, October, December, February, and most recently this month), they will strike up contact again (I checked phone records when she wouldn't be honest with me about it). It seems like it's out of the blue, but when they do start talking it will be a few days worth of text and picture messages back and forth. I confronted her about it around Christmas, February, as well as this past time. In Feb, she admitted having a thing for him in high school, but that their families were close and that's what she was talking with him about. 

It wasn't until February and this month that I saw a lot of pictures going back and forth. There have been instances where I would hear her phone camera go off in the bathroom and try to walk in and the door is locked (unusual). I asked her about it once, and she told me she always takes pictures in the bathroom (who really does that all the time?) and showed me a few body shots (clothed). I checked the phone records the next day, and there were picture messages sent to this guy later that day. 

The thing that has set me over the edge was a picture of her with a tshirt and underwear on that was sent to me. I kept a record of what time it was sent, as she has not sent me a picture like this since we were dating. I'm 99% sure she sent the same picture to the other guy; there is a record on our bill of a pix msg sent to him 4 minutes after the one she sent to me. 

She has lied to me every single time I have asked her if she texted him; I have told her many times that I would drop the whole thing if she didn't hide it from me. He has blocked me on F/B so I can't see when he comments on any of her photos/wall. I believe that if there was nothing to hide, she wouldn't try to hide it from me, as she has many other guy friends that she never sneaks around this way with. When she does admit she talked to him, she tells me that she doesn't say anything because she knows I'll make more of it than there really is.

This month, she showed me a text from him about a movie we were thinking about seeing and she said he was the only person online that she remembered having seen it, and that was the only time she had contact with in months. I checked the phone records and she had been talking to him all week and back and forth that day. 

How do I confront her without sending her into a rage? I know she is going to accuse me of being ridiculous and insecure. (am I?) 

I want to believe it's innocent, but I'm not that naive, and I'm certainly not a fool. I love her with all my heart, but I cannot give her the affection I need to give her as a husband with this hanging over my head.


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## Wisp (Jul 17, 2010)

Your wife is in an emotional affair and may not even recognise it and nor will she admit it.

Read the following thread it gives some ideas what to do. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/15403-there-affair.html#post170865

This thread has the carrot and stick approach

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/14591-confused-2.html#post170909

For starters she needs to give you full access to all her accounts, text messages etc.. ..

Privacy is going to the loo, secrecy in a marriage is deceit

Start now.. it is vital to your marraige


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

She's lying to you and you are afraid to send HER into a rage?

I don't believe in this "full access" stuff. I can set up a new email address and hide it in a minute. it will give you a false sense of security and trust.

Put on your f***** big boy pants and address the situation immediately.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Chris Taylor said:


> Put on your f***** big boy pants and address the situation immediately.


 Best line Ive ever read on this or any forum:smnotworthy:


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

I hate when guys try to convince others it wasn't SEXUAL just FLIRTATIOUS!!!!!!!....Of course she was talking NASTY to him!!!! come on, quit lying to yourself and kick her to the curb!!!!!


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