# Wanting him but not his son



## Jef33 (Apr 21, 2013)

I am currently separated from my husband and getting a divorce. I miss him so much and love him but can't stand his son and don't trust his son. His son is 8 and has touched his cousin on mulitple occasions and bullied a kid in the bathroom to make him not wipe his butt. I have a 10 month old little girl and would hurt him if he ever touched my daughter. How do I get passed loving my husband so I can be happy again. I feel so depressed and empty inside. I'm currently living my brother and his go and it kills me every time they show affection. And on top of all that I have the baby blues. I am so grateful to be away from his crazy son but miss my hubby =( maybe I miss not being alone. Anyone advice?


----------



## Jef33 (Apr 21, 2013)

We have been married for less then 2 years and got engaged after only 6 weeks. We both felt like it was meant to be and were set on working through it so we also have gone through therapy but the therapist says there's no chance. He yelled at the therapist and walked out of our last session after he was told to take my side about my mil. His mom is way too involved in our lives. 

His son used to watch us sleep and stand in front of the bathroom while we used the bathroom. I would tell him stop all the time but he continued to do it. 

I feel a sense of relief but scared to start this off as a single mom and feeling alone.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Wow, the man comes with his son, I don't think you can separate that. The kid is 8, I cannot believe just don't like him. He sounds like a child to needs help even like a child who has been molested or abused. Why are you two not addressing this? Is your daughter his sister? Why don't you address him as your stepson? 
Look if you want to keep your husband you need to love the kid. If not cut your losses and as a decent human being get the kid some help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jef33 (Apr 21, 2013)

I've tried getting him help. My h thinks nothing is wrong with him. My mil says nothing is his fault. I tried being mom but then h told me he didn't want me to help raise him. I have done everything I can to try to make it work.


----------



## Jef33 (Apr 21, 2013)

I've said he needs therapy and so has the therapist but he says he's just a normal kid. 

Yes that's his sister but he has been touching his cousin so I'm not willing to take the chance.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You each have to do what you feel is right for your kids. Unfortunately for you, your husband and his son are a package deal. I'd focus on your daughter first and foremost. But from the sounds of things, your daughter is also your husband's daughter too, right? So he'll have custody sometimes as well... How will your protect her then?

C


----------



## Jef33 (Apr 21, 2013)

Yes It's his daughter. I've never asked him to leave his son and never would. I just wanted him to get help and I'm not going to put my daughter through that. She's been happier since we moved out 2 months ago. My h has seen her maybe 8 times since then. He's only asked for 2 hours a week. My sil says what a great father only asking for 2 hours. He doesn't even raise his sin, he's always at my mil house. 

I'm worried because he never watched her when I was at the house so how will keep an eye on his daughter when I'm not there. 

All he does is sits on the computer for hours.


----------



## confused12345 (Apr 22, 2013)

I'm not trying to make excuses for your H or justify his behavior, but maybe he's reacting so defensively to your suggestions of getting the S in therapy because he feels attacked, he feels that you and the therapist are criticizing his child for reasons he refuses to accept or doesn't think are a "problem" It is not rational and again I'm not defending him but I'm just guessing that he may feel that you and the therapist are "attacking" him because of the way you may have approached the subject and the way he perceives the boy's conduct. 

Does you H know that his S inappropriately touched his cousin? What does he say when that comes up? Does your H know that his S exhibited violent behavior in school? What's his response to that? 

Maybe the way to convince your H to get the S into therapy is to explain to him that you're not attacking him and his S, that you're suggesting therapy out of love and concern for your H and S. Maybe if you tell him that if the kid is "normal" no harm will come from therapy, and the fact that your whole family just went through a major change, with the H & S moving out, ALL of you could use a sympathetic ear who is not directly involved in your family issues.


----------



## Jef33 (Apr 21, 2013)

I did try to come across in a loving way a year ago, then 6 months ago. I'm sure he did feel attacked but that's because he won't admit something is wrong. The therapist told him if he doesn't get help then he will touch my daughter. I called cps because I was advised by my therapist and the police.


----------



## confused12345 (Apr 22, 2013)

I'm sorry about your situation, it is tough to convince a parent that something is wrong with his child. 

Are you in therapy yourself? I imagine a therapist could advice you on how to approach your H in a "safe" and "non judgmental' way.

Also, maybe your H is dealing with too many things at once and he is overwhelmed, maybe giving him some space and some time to sort things out would give him a chance to process all that has happened and see your side.


----------



## Jef33 (Apr 21, 2013)

He already told me he wants a divorce.


----------

