# First mediation scheduled



## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

M 28 years, We have been separated for almost 7 months, going to meet with the mediator tomorrow night for the first time. I am a wreck tonight, not sure how to handle this meeting. I am already having a hard time catching my breath and not crying. Everything I read says I should be strong and hold it together, but not sure I can do that. Is it a good idea to bring someone, like my sister with me?


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## nodespair (Jun 4, 2011)

I am not sure how it works with a mediator but with an attorney it is completely ok to bring someone for emotional support. If you feel having your sister there will help you, bring her with, I doubt the mediator will mind (unless your spouse will be there too). Your sister can always wait for you and be there once its over. Good luck.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Thanks, my H will be there, he is bringing all our financial documents, then I guess we talk about how to split up our assets. I may have my sister meet me.


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## nodespair (Jun 4, 2011)

Ok, well if your spouse will be there it might not be a good idea to bring her in but certainly have her meet you afterwards or before. My friends and family have been the only thing keeping me sane. I imagine it is probably the same for you so having a shoulder to cry on after something so emotionally draining is a good idea.


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## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

My mediation is set for Monday. I'm also nervous, less about my emotions for the meeting, but how things will go afterwards. I have a solid idea of wht I'm going to walk out of there with, but I'm sure H won't be happy and the mood of our continued relationship will definitely be affected.

:-( thinking about you today, hope it all goes well.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

It was not my best day, for sure, got all dressed up, fixed my hair and makeup and put on the "armor". I didn't bring anything to the table except for my wish list. STBXH showed up tonight still wearing his wedding band. I sat across from him and said "how could you?" and I told him to take it off and give it to me. I said, you don't get to go around pretending to be married anymore. He had made a list of our "assets" and how he thinks they could be split, he was very wrong. He doesn't seem to understand that he holds my retirement in his plans. Married for more than 25 years, and I raised our kids and didn't work on my career full time, depended on him to take care of me in my old age, silly me. I am pretty sure I am going to have to go to a private attorney to help me get what I need.


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

Madaboutlove, why do you need to be strong and hold it together? Why can't you cry? I'd love to know what others think about this.

I am the type of person that wears my heart on my sleeve, at least now. I was always told as a kid to never show your emotions, never let anyone see they have hurt you. This is not a good way to live, it is very alienating.

I love what you said about putting on your "armour". That is exactly how I feel about getting all dolled up. It really can give you strength.

And please get an attorney. You deserve to be supported in your retirement. Your spouse would never have accomplished what he did, without you at home taking care of the house and children and him. It frustrates me to no end when a spouse does not appreciate the partner who stays at home. I have been both a stay-at-home mom and a career woman. Being the stay-at-home mom is by far the tougher job. You never get a vacation, you don't receive pay and you don't receive the societal recognition that a career person does. He owes you a great deal of gratitude.

Please keep us posted about how the mediation is going. I will be starting that process soon and I really don't know what to expect.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

MAL, You will be fine, by and by. This pain and confusion does not last always. Be sure to protect yourself at all times, and that may entail getting a lawyer to look after your interest. Do not trust anyone fromthe other side or one that you did not select to look after your best interests. Let the lawyers and judge tell H he does not make all the decisions. You have worth and fight for yours. But on the same hand, don't trade your peace of mind for turmoil of fighting tooth and nail for every penny owed to you in the process.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

I thought it was a good idea to act like I was strong and could do this without pain, but that didn't last too long. I guess it is just in my mind that I need to do this without crying. It just seems so unfair to let him see how hard this is for me. I hate that he just sits there, apparently unmoved by my distress. I was a bit mean to him, said some things about how I can't believe he would do this and pointed out the many errors he made in calculations. He never took care of our finances, so he has no idea what is actually going on or how the things he asked for are unfair. I always planned to get an attorney to review the final document, but it is quite obvious neither of us know what to do and we need help


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

oh, and next time I go, my sister is going to be waiting for me. The ride home was hell


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