# Smacking / Slapping



## nice777guy

Separated right now, so parenting is more complicated than it should be.

Have a 10 year old with a very smart mouth. She yells and won't accept her punishment right away. She and my wife do not seem to get along at all.

My wife will occaisionally slap her across the mouth. Hard enough to let her feel it - but maybe not enough to leave a mark.

I think this shows a lack of control on my wife's part - and a lack of parenting skills.

I go back and forth on spanking - has society gotten too soft, etc., etc.

Looking for opinions here. How bad is it to slap/smack a smart-ass 10 year old across the face? Is it really any different than spanking? 

And with so many other "battles" being waged with my wife right now, do I turn this into yet another one? Thanks.


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## Amplexor

I'm not opposed to a swat on the rump for a misbehaving child but 10 is too old for corporal punishment. Slapping a child in the face is unacceptable at any age. If she is 10 she is old enough to understand cause and effect. Sass mom or dad and lose privileges for xyz. The trick is to be consistent in the punishment. Also if you wife is ever witnessed slapping the child in the face she could receive a visit from child social services.


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## nice777guy

I can remember being spanked as a child several times. Once I was leaning on a table just before dinner - we were having spaghetti - and I tipped the table over. I ran for my life, but made the mistake of hiding with my butt in the air, giving my mother an all too easy target!!! That is the only time I remember being spanked when it wasn't "deliberate." And I don't blame her a bit!

I remember getting my mouth slapped only once - not hard - by my mother. I think I said a word I didn't understand and it shocked her and reflexes took over.

In theory, I'm against spanking. But there have been times when nothing else is working that I've delivered a swift slap on the behind.

I think slapping is just wrong. And I think my wife is crazy to send me an e-mail reading - and I quote:

"She wouldn't get ready, wouldn't shut her mouth. Told her "no 2nd chance" now & if she didnt shut up, no sleepover next time. *Had to stop van & smack her*."

So, not only do I have my 10 year old's word if this ever came to a custody issue, but my wife - bless her heart - has been consistently careless about what she puts in e-mails and texts.

I just hate reading "Had to...smack her". No. You never HAVE to.

I'm upset about so many things right now - Im just not sure where to start.


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## swedish

Reading that quote...she slapped her because she was frustrated and annoyed...I agree, you never have to slap your kids. Just before that she said no sleepover next time...that's where it should have ended...and follow through with no sleepover next time.


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## nice777guy

Wife was pissed at my response. I'm finding that the louder my D yells, I find myself lowering my voice so that she has to quiet down to hear me.

I'm no saint, and I'm not as consistent as I'd like to be, but it seems to work when I remember to do it. Its a lot more effective than yelling and arguing with her - at a 10 year old level. Someone has to act like an adult, right?


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## swedish

nice777guy said:


> Wife was pissed at my response. I'm finding that the louder my D yells, I find myself lowering my voice so that she has to quiet down to hear me.


I've done that too...it usually works and if it doesn't I tell them the conversation is over until they can speak without yelling.


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## turnera

Yes. NEVER yell. And NEVER hit. You are the adult. Act like it. Be the role model.

btw, Daughters.com is an AWESOME website for people with pre-teen and teen daughters. My D19 and I would sit down and read the newsletter (but they discontinued it), and it would give us a chance to talk about a lot of topics she may have been uncomfortable coming to me with. It's written by a dad. I hope you go there.

For your wife, I would suggest that you suggest that she start going on walks with her daughter. Side by side is non-confrontational, you have nothing to do but talk, and they'll probably start talking more, which is key to their relationship. Above all, she needs to know that she can tell her mom ANYTHING and not be judged or punished. Her mom needs to be her safe haven.


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## DawnD

Wow. I wonder if she has thought that through at all?? Does she not realize one day that girl is gonna slap her right back in the face? might want to bring that one up to her. 

My mom and dad would take everything out of my room minus the bed, blanket, pillow and clothes. Everything else went until the decided I was acting right and it had been enough time for them to want to give it back. We are talking weeks here lol.


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## Amplexor

DawnD said:


> My mom and dad would take everything out of my room minus the bed, blanket, pillow and clothes.


WOW, repo parents, I like it. :smthumbup:

In our house video games are the big threat. If expectations aren't being met they lost privileges. To drive the point home on occasion, I've made the offending child unplug and box up the game console for storage until things improved. Seemed to be pretty effective.


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## turnera

lol, kind of like cutting the switch off the tree so your mama can whip you with it.


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## DawnD

Yep. Repo they did. And it wasn't right with you there, you would come home from school and all your stuff was just gone. Then my mom would walk in and say "so, anything you want to tell me?" lmao. 

With the repo also came the wonderfulness of "you only leave your room to eat and go to the bathroom" so there was no watching tv PERIOD until you got your stuff back. Sounds harsh, but it gets the point across.


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## turnera

Yeah. Parents today are WAY too afraid of upsetting their kids. And what happens? They grow up selfish and entitled.

My favorite punishment trick was to send them to their room, tell them that their parents would discuss the punishment tonight, and let them know in the morning.

The waiting, and coming up with all the possible punishments they might get, worrying about it all night, was worse punishment than the real deal!


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## nice777guy

DawnD said:


> Wow. I wonder if she has thought that through at all?? Does she not realize one day that girl is gonna slap her right back in the face? might want to bring that one up to her.



What I'm concerned with is the day the 10 year old slaps the 7 year old - because hey, that's how you handle stuff, right? And my wife will wonder how in the world the oldest got the idea it was OK to act like that.


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## turnera

You guys should start watching SuperNanny reruns together.


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