# The Saga Continues..



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

For those who don't know, here's my story to this point:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/62612-after-2-years-its-finally-going-happen.html

My wonderful ex husband is going down the tubes fast. He's moving out of his $1300/month apartment to live in a room. He's sold his car, now he's driving his old work van. He's sold his stereo, which was a LOT better than the one I have. I told him I would've bought it! :slap: It was a $5000 stereo that said he sold for "a few hundred dollars". 

Supposedly he's letting someone "use" his boat because they are making the loan and insurance payments for him :wtf: but I think he's lying because just last week he told me the bank had made an "agreement with him" to suspend the loan payments but I brought up the $150/month insurance payments. Oops.  So I suppose now he's made up yet ANOTHER story to cover his sorry as$ so he can get away with not paying me.

But he can still pay $200-400/month for cigarettes. :slap: When I brought THAT up he tells me "If I don't smoke I will drink." When I tell him he should sell his work truck so he can save money on insurance and gas he says "I need a car." I said "Ride your bike." When I said "Let me sell your kayak and carbon fiber paddle and equipment" (all stuff I bought for him 3 years ago!) he said "I need something to live for" :slap:

He's got an excuse for EVERYTHING...

"If I do blah blah then I start drinking"

"If I don't do blah blah, then I'll start drinking"

"I have to work on being sober"

"I can't stand up for more than a few hours on my feet"

"The economy sucks, I can't find a job"

BLAH BLAH BLAH. He is a worthless piece of crap.  Always an excuse NOT to do the right thing. To foist his debts on other people. To sponge off his friends ("Joe said I can go with him fishing up at Lake George"), to treat his kids like crap and not even support them. 

I now have to deal with a $1641 insurance premium that he didn't pay in December and didn't bother to inform me about until the end of December. But he DID manage to make claims against that insurance policy by going to the doctor in the beginning of that month. By the time I'd figure out he wasn't going to pay the premium it was too late to cancel it for that month, so now the insurance company wants to be reimbursed for that premium, especially since they paid out claims on that were made that month. 

NOW the insurance company is coming after me for the premium. It's in my name under my business. My ex won't give me a dime towards it. He says he "needs whatever money he has to live." So now I'm stuck ONCE AGAIN cleaning up his mess and am going to have to work something out so my credit doesn't go down the tubes due to this going into collections. 

I have now told him that I am through dealing with him. If he wants to see his son then he's on his own. I told him I don't want to see him anymore and that if I find his sorry as$ on my property or in my apartment I will call the police on him. 

I informed my son what was going on and told him he's free to see his father but I don't want him in the apartment. 

So now what to do about $1641 that I don't friggin have? :slap:

I have thought about bringing him to court for child support but he obviously doesn't have money and I really don't want the state digging into my finances either. 

I've thought about taking him to small claims court to get a judgement against him should I have to pay out this money. 

Or maybe, like everything else, I will have to eat this. I have my insurance agent working with the insurance company to figure something out. I'm hoping that I can bring up the fact tht my ex was supposed to have paid the premium, HAD been paying it for 10 years prior and failed to notify me that he was no longer going to and by the time I was told it was too late to cancel. I canceled on 12/26 and they now want what was supposed to have been paid from 12/1 to 12/26. :slap:

$1641..Damn. I DO NOT have that kind of money. After the crap that was thrown at me back in December by my ex and being the sole caretaker since then I don't even have a savings account. 

One thing I do have is good credit and I want to preserve this so I have contacted the collection agency that is looking to get this on behalf of the insurance company and told them that I'm working on this and will get back to them.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Is there anything in your divorce settlement that covers him paying the insurance premiums for himself? If there is, can you get your lawyer to contact him to ask for property (I'm thinking the kayak and paddle) that would be equivalent to the unpaid premium, or else he will be sued. Perhaps that will force him to give you things you can sell.

And FOAL, it's not up to you to do things to prevent him from drinking. That is his responsibility and his alone. There is no reason for you to scrounge up money you don't have or lose your credit rating because he threatens to start drinking again. Every time he takes a drink, it's his choice and his alone. Do what you have to for you and the kids. If he ends up on the street, bumming cigarettes off of passers-by rather than quitting now, that's his choice. When he stops drinking and smoking, and finds a job (even in this economy), he'll eventually get enough money to get another kayak.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I don't care about his drinking. I told him, "That line is getting old, you need to come up with another one". I also told him that he gets no pity from me and I could care about him "having the time to put his life back together when he's messed up everyone else's."

Trust me, I have no sympathy for him. I also don't and never did have a lawyer and we have no divorce agreement except that we divorced. This came up after the fact, as in last week. 

It will far less expensive to pay the damn thing myself then hire a lawyer and take time off work to go to court. However I might consider filing something in small claims just to see if he'll cough up anything or get a judgement. It just pisses me off. I'm hoping that if worse comes to worse they will reduce the amount or I can pay it off in installments. I have to scrounge up the money not out of pity for him but to protect my credit history. The insurance is under my name and attached to my business so it has to be taken care of or it will go on my credit report as a bad loan. 

But I did tell him I was DONE with him and I don't want to see him again. He is to stay out of my life and my apartment. My son can continue to visit with him if he desires. 

He said something about writing a letter to my daughter and said that he "hopes she gets it." I said she would but "good luck with that". She really can't stand him now. I informed him that the way he it stands now he will never walk her down the aisle or see her children because he so utterly and completely crapped all over that poor girl. 

I hope he enjoys his holidays being by himself because that's pretty much it for him. Whether or not my son chooses to spend time with him is entirely up to my son. I'm sure eventually my son will stop wanting to see him because not only is his father a drunk, but he's a selfish, arrogant one too. He hasn't exactly been kind to my son either. There is no child custody or visitation agreement.. I just won't deny my son unless my ex becomes a danger to him. 

At this point he can drink himself into a stupor and crawl under a bridge, it would be a lot better for everyone.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

So sorry this stressor has come along...when you thought you were finally becoming free!

The problem with small claims court..you can't get blood out of a turnip. Years ago, I sued in small claims and won. You then have to collect with a "judgement" against property if they don't pay cash. If they have no property or they don't live in the state...it's difficult to do.

That's a big balance....maybe you can pay chunks or let it go. Seem that's your only chance....maybe take out a short term policy or find another way to be covered??


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Corpuswife said:


> So sorry this stressor has come along...when you thought you were finally becoming free!


Tell me about it.  There always seems to be SOMETHING.  What makes me mad is that ONCE AGAIN he gets to use the "I don't have money excuse" and skip away scot free after he went through $100k in a few short years, hasn't worked in 3 years and makes no plans to and just treats everyone like crap and gets away with it. I am so sick of my ex husband getting away with crap!!  It just pisses me off to no end! He is a bully, a coward, an abuser and a drunk and he NEVER has to answer for anything he's done. 

When are things going to come around and hit him square in the face or in the back of his head? Why is it always ME? 



> The problem with small claims court..you can't get blood out of a turnip. Years ago, I sued in small claims and won. You then have to collect with a "judgement" against property if they don't pay cash. If they have no property or they don't live in the state...it's difficult to do.


I want to do it because he should have to FOR ONCE answer and be held responsible and there will be a record of it. Even if it's just a judgement against him he will have to answer to it and I can arrange to have whatever he has sold at auction. He still has things that he owns and wants and damn it, I don't think he should be enjoying ANY aspect of his life when he's inflicted so much pain and damage on his family and won't even give me a DOLLAR out of his pocket. I am SO sick of his arrogant attitude. 



> That's a big balance....maybe you can pay chunks or let it go. Seem that's your only chance....maybe take out a short term policy or find another way to be covered??


I have health insurance now, as do our kids. That's not the issue. Ironically it's my ex husband who doesn't have health insurance. I really hope he gets REAL sick soon...Would serve him right. 

This was a group policy under our business that my husband was paying for all of us for many years. Once we divorced he was no longer eligible, especially since he wasn't even working in our business. If he'd JUST PAID one more month as he SAID he would do it there wouldn't have been an issue. Instead he just didn't pay it and blames me for "trusting him and not listening to him."

He was ALWAYS threatening to stop paying the premium whenever I did anything that made him mad. It was a constant weapon he used against me, just like him threatening to take away my daughter's car when she pissed him off. 

Well, this time he made good on both counts and in all cases it's wound up costing ME money. How's THAT for karma biting me on the as$?  Not to mention that I had to spend $1000 for a new computer for my son because he wouldn't give my son his computer back! 

I'm not taking out a loan to pay off something that is right now interest free. I have nothing to lose at all except my credit rating. There's no policy that will be cancelled (it already has been). They can't repossess anything or throw me out of my house. There's nothing they can really DO to me but harass me and put it on my credit report. Maybe they can take me to court but the likelihood of this is pretty low and I'm willing to bet that a judge would probably knock it down given the circumstances. 

You can rebuild your credit in time and it's not like anyone else isn't going through any of this either. People are literally walking away from mortgages and credit card debt that are far more than this amount. This is not a rare occurrence at all in this day and age, sorry to say. 

That said, I'd LIKE to work this out and am hoping that either my agent will work something out with company or I'll have to negotiate a deal with the insurance company or collections agency. I believe that they would rather get something than nothing and I'm hoping I can make a deal with them. I've already told them I am willing to do so and will get back to them soon. Tomorrow I will check with my agent to see what is being done on his end. 

If I have to pay them something in smaller amounts in installments I can and will. I'm just pissed off because of the circumstances and there are FAR better things I need to do with the money, like rebuild my destroyed savings account! I have NO cushion right now financially and that makes me VERY nervous.

I plan to listen to them and make a counter offer with the provision (in writing) that the debt will be satisfied and not be reported on my credit rating. 

Then I finally WILL be free. As far as I know this is indeed the last tie I have with my ex husband.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

He now knows he's a pariah. Today my ex contacted my son while my son was playing one of his games on his computer. My son said "Dad is talking to me online, what do I say?"

I had a lot of things I would've liked to say but I just told my son, "You can talk to your father, that's not an issue." 

I did threaten in the heat of our argument to withhold visitation from my son until my husband gave me some money but decided against it. I have always hated women who have used their children as weapons against their exes and vowed not to do this so I have held true to that and informed my ex that he could still see my son but he was not to come into my apartment and I didn't want to have anything to do with him. 

I then told my son exactly what was going on and why. I think he should know the circumstances behind my change of attitude towards his father and decisions. My son's reaction was pretty much "I don't want to know or hear about it." So I've said nothing much since. 

My son is 15 and can make his own arrangements to visit his father. I will do NOTHING to facilitate visitation for my husband as I have been doing until now. 

He said his father wanted to see him tomorrow and would it be ok? I said "That's up to you, I just don't want him here in this apartment AT ALL."

So my son made arrangements for his father to pick him up at school and spend a few hours together. Whatever. My son isn't staying the weekend with him because I've made plans to do things with him on Saturday (take him out for BBQ ribs and a movie). 

My husband is moving out of his 1BR apartment into what is essentially a room. I don't think my son is going to want to spend much time in a tiny room with a man who can't even buy him a decent meal. I used to give my son money when he went to visit his father so his father could take him to buy himself food if he wanted. I'm not doing that anymore. 

I'm not helping my husband in any way, shape or form. He can rot in hell as far as I'm concerned. If my son gets hungry, he has a good home to come home to eat in. 

I might not be getting any help from my ex husband but he won't be getting help from me either. His loss. Sorry it had to turn out this way but it's his choice. 

It will be interesting to see where my ex does wind up. He keeps saying he will probably wind up in a homeless shelter. One can only hope. If anyone deserves it, he does.


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## GinnyTonia (Jul 31, 2012)

Ugh! Your ex is irritating me even. 

I can't quite put my finger on what that "can't because I'll drink" attitude means, but it doesn't seem genuine.

A thorn in your flesh he is. I'm sure we'll be hearing about his nonsense for a while. 
I'm sorry.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

How long would it take for you to pay it back? I would consider loaning you the $1600+.

Stretch


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

Hugs! I feel your pain. My ex is similar and all I hear from both families is how he can't afford CS and what a horrible person I am (though I agreed to way less than the court ordered). He's 4 months behind on his house payment, cell was turned off, but he can afford concerts, dates, new clothes and tons of weed. SMH.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I am not a father but I have a hard time understanding how a man can turn his back on his kids.

Even I give money voluntarily to the WAW to help with the DOG care.

????,
Stretch


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Ug - and even filing a small claims court costs money and it will be a month or more before you get a court date! 

No way to repossess the kayak? Would you still have a receipt from an account in your name or did the property division list that specifically? 

I just took a loan out from my 401k - do you have that ability to get a loan from a retirement account?

Any jewelry like his wedding band you can hock?

Sorry, Freak. The good news is this is probably the very last time you'll get screwed by him. And aren't you glad you cut financial ties with him when you DID?!?! Whew - that was a close one, Freak!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Even if he had the $, from your earlier threads, he would smoke it up or drink it up. He drinks to celebrate a win and drinks to morn a loss.... pretty much gives a reason to drink every chance he gets. He still thinks by neglecting the kids, he can get to you. This is much easier said than done but do not depend upon him to do anything from here on. If he does, good but do not expect it. His boozing has been around for decades, it will more than likely now get worse.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Can you not take him off of your insurance? I can see this happening constantly.


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