# Frustrated with therapy



## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

This is my second attempt at therapy, my first I stopped because I just felt it wasn't going anywhere. I sit down, talk a bit and there's no road-map towards recovery. You go to a doctor and he says you have high cholesterol he then gives you suggestions on how to lower it, heal, get better. In therapy it's a lot of talk, and no real plan to get better. Is it the therapist? How long before you should start feeling that there's something productive happening in therapy?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

The first session should be a "getting to know you". 

The second session should start with a tentative diagnosis and a brief overview on how the therapist plans to treat it. Then the homework start. If your therapist isn't giving you 'exercises' to try out, then you're wasting your money.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

What did you discuss the first session with each therapist? I think it would take more then two meetings before you can judge. I think I went four times before it was a waste.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

KC,
I only saw ONE skilled therapist in my life, but she was awesome. 

Your primary goal is to get on top of your generally painful level of anxiety yes? 





knobcreek said:


> This is my second attempt at therapy, my first I stopped because I just felt it wasn't going anywhere. I sit down, talk a bit and there's no road-map towards recovery. You go to a doctor and he says you have high cholesterol he then gives you suggestions on how to lower it, heal, get better. In therapy it's a lot of talk, and no real plan to get better. Is it the therapist? How long before you should start feeling that there's something productive happening in therapy?


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

JohnA said:


> What did you discuss the first session with each therapist? I think it would take more then two meetings before you can judge. I think I went four times before it was a waste.


This was my fourth session today with this particular therapist, I tried many years ago with a couple other therapists but never seemed to get anywhere.

Maybe I need years of it? Is he just biding his time and one day he's going to drop this awesome plan on me on how to get over the self-doubt/loathing, depression, compulsive behavior?


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

MEM11363 said:


> KC,
> I only saw ONE skilled therapist in my life, but she was awesome.
> 
> Your primary goal is to get on top of your generally painful level of anxiety yes?


Anxiety, depression, self-loathing, self-doubt, typical stuff.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

From what I have read there are several schools of methodology with therapists. The two biggest are self directed and other guided. Self directed requires the therapist provide no guidance, just questions: why you think that, how does that make you feel, what do you hope to achieve, why do you want achieve that. Guided a patient works with a therapist to a pre set goal. In short the therapist assumes almost a trainer position. 

After four sessions you need to have a discussion with the therapist on what they see their role as. From you posts I think you need to be with a therapist who is primarily guided.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Your wife might need self directed. Do you find yourself frustrated at times with her seemingly inability to make a decision? 

Funny but true: one SIL is amazing with money. She is a CPA and the managing partner of a firm with 16 CPAs. She could be the poster girl for consumer reports. She told me decades ago she loved my brothers ability to just buy something and not second guess the decision. He will listen to her, questions her, and just turn around and buy the car, appliance, etc. But, do not under estimate the listening and questioning. If he didn't their marriage would have failed decades ago.

If you reflect on your marriage how often do you find you are the one to pull the trigger? 

PS: do not play bridge or monopoly for money with my SIL. Christ she is a cold hearted and relentless. Not bad qualities for a CPA to have when dealing with the IRS.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

KC,
For me - the anxiety drove everything. Everything. Not saying that is your situation. 

I am saying that it might help to focus solely on that first. And see if you can mostly 'get there'. 

I'm not minimizing the important of the rest of it. Just saying that it might feel overwhelming to try to fix all of it at once. 

Just a thought. 




knobcreek said:


> Anxiety, depression, self-loathing, self-doubt, typical stuff.


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