# Goodbye TAM friends- 3 yrs later- I dont have the heart for this.



## checkmate1 (Aug 24, 2015)

Hi guys! Some of you will know that I posted under Canttrustu several years ago. I received an enormous amount of help and encouragement and enacted most of the advice given to me- thankfully bc most of it worked!

After 3.5 long years A friend asked me to come back and help a poster who's H was having an EA and she was concerned about the advice she was getting(to rugsweep and move on). She was concerned this poster was being run over. She chose to rugsweep in the end anyway sadly.

Next came a WS who has already had 1 EA and is cruisng to have sex with most anything else he can......he's been given advice over and over and remains incredibly arrogant and of course RIGHT. 

3 years ago I would have hung in there despite his rudeness and arrogance- for his wife. But today, I think I have healed enough that I just don't have it in me to swing the 2x4 and then listen to him stand in his arrogance and indignance at the people taking their time to try and help him simply bc he doesn't like the way the post read. 8-10 people telling the same guy the same thing, people who have been where his wife is and even where he is, yet after all advice is given he claims to have already enacted all of it.....so then whats the point of writing the post? Seriously. 

Anyway folks, thanks to those of you who welcomed me back with open arms- the old timers. Good luck and keep fighting the good fight! And my deepest appreciation for all of you .

Checkmate/Canttrustu


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## Louise7 (Nov 8, 2012)

Nooooo, don't go. The ones who don't listen to the advice are always outweighed by the ones who do. Stay please.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

It ain't for folks who get offended when their advice go unheeded.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Thanks for everything.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Have you or your friend read the story of David and Goliath recently? I mean really read it?

I'm not trying to veer into religion, but the story is so compelling, it is worth re-reading.

There are many ways to interpret the story, but everyone has a little David in them. Not perfect at all, but persistent. I particularly like the way David responds when he's told he's no match for Goliath. (verse 34)

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Samuel+17


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## checkmate1 (Aug 24, 2015)

ThePheonix said:


> It ain't for folks who get offended when their advice go unheeded.


:smile2: Understood but not at all what I was saying. Honestly its not about the unheeded advice, everyone has a right to that. My bigger issue is the rudeness and arrogance to people trying to help you. Its really no skin off me if they do or don't heed my advice, its more when they start being nasty and aggressive bc they aren't hearing what they want to hear, the way they want to hear it.

The taking umbrage at how you say something instead of paying attention to WHAT you are saying. To me, someone who has allowed themselves to fall into one EA, and find themselves on the edge of another, get advice and be rude and aggressive about that advice- that person isn't here for help they are here for attention. And they are fighting with the way you say something to avoid the real issue. 

I understand the mindset of a WS, I just don't want to fight it anymore now that Ive finally gotten to excise it from my own house I guess. You know- enough is enough sometimes. 

Again, I think its just that I know how the WS thinks, as do we all and for that person to tell me to 'go heal' I find .....funny I guess. They are so far gone they don't even recognize what they are saying. "hey though my life is totally FVCKED, I feel the need to give you advice"........

Anyway- again not that my advice wasn't taken, its the demeanor in which it was addressed that is just reminiscent of days gone by that Im finally free of- ya know?

Thanks ThePhoenix for your comment and I hope you understand what I am saying.


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## checkmate1 (Aug 24, 2015)

Forest said:


> Have you or your friend read the story of David and Goliath recently? I mean really read it?
> 
> I'm not trying to veer into religion, but the story is so compelling, it is worth re-reading.
> 
> ...


I understand your point(I think) and its not that I don't have the courage, its that I don't have the patience if you know what Im saying. The inability to focus on the true issue for a WS is just incredibly frustrating. When they focus on a particular poster and choose to fight and argue with that poster rather than LISTEN to whats being said and try and learn, that's the issue Im out of patience for. When the whole thread just keeps going south and the original point is lost bc the OP is so confrontational that they cant listen to anything, that's my issue. And yes I realize its my issue at this point. Im just out of patience for the Bull sh*t. For the deflections, for the 'Im smarter than all of you' mindset of a WS(not always, pls don't misunderstand).Some are very interested in listening, learning, discussing and changing. Others are just ......punks. With no interest in doing anything but receiving more attention, which is likely how they became WS' in the first place. 

I more can understand the BS who wants to rugsweep- though we all know where that leads. But at least its bc often they are just learning who they are REALLY married to. its denial and a person trying to hold on to what they thought they had. Its like accepting a death, it takes time.

As I said - just out of gas for it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

@checkmate1, which threads are you referencing?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I try to carefully pick and choose which BS threads I post on because some people aren't ready to listen. But they keep returning with the same story. Occasionally, I get caught up in their drama but usually not. I always stay away from the WS threads. I have zero interest in the mindset of a WS. I tried (without success) for many decades to understand the one I had. Some posters want to see more WS threads but I'm not one. 

Lately I have seriously cut back the amount of time I spend here because I've moved on so I understand what you're saying but I hope you'll rethink completely leaving.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Pick your battles selectively @checkmate! Veer away from all of those convoluted posts and stick to the far simpler tasks at hand.

My dear friend! You're not required to swing that "meat-axe" anymore ~ just swing that ostrich quill of yours!

Your departure makes us all a little sadder and unsettled knowing that you are no longer in our midst! 

Please reconsider, in the very least, of at least just being a fly on the TAM wall for those of us who relish your presence!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

We'll be here for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Your presence will be missed. Perhaps stop by every now and again.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

A little secret...

When I post advice on the forum, it's not intended just for the OP.

I think of all the BS's reading the threads who haven't signed up for an account yet but who are desperately looking for answers.

They may be in a situation very similar to the OP (cheating is very scripted) and the advice may be just as valid for OP as it is for the anonymous reader.

You may not have helped the rug sweeping OP in the end but there may be another person, whom you will never know of, whose life was made infinitely better by your small contribution.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

A person like you understands when enough is enough. I will personally miss you. Folks come and go here, but it folks like you that make it special. There have been several folks who left for various reasons and I miss them and you will be on that list.

Thanks for all that you did for us.


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