# Newbie needs unbiased feedback



## debdefender

I (F55) and my bf (M50) have been together 2+ years. 

Started as roommates, transformed to committed couple. I was committed anyway.

First sexual encounter he addresses me as "b*tch" in bed. Not in a negative context, neutral. I had a polite word with him about it afterwards. Hoping it got across, that won't fly here.

Second time, he rolled it out again, this time I momentarily froze up and said something right then. Seeing he was losing my focus and interest in him quickly over it, another apology and coaxing back into it. Afterwards, he explains he doesn't mean it as an insult or in a bad way. I clearly clarified that I didn't take it in a negative way, but meaning being positive, neutral or negative, it's not o.k. with me, do it again I'll leave you to HANDle yourself. He understood.

3rd time, he did it again so to drive the point home, I froze up, got up, left him to handle his own to much protest and coaxing which didn't pay off for him.

Since then, he's not remotely uttered an address to me in bed with the word "b*tch".

Fast forward a couple of years. My family gift me a home in another state. We have horrible week when time to move and he did some things that caused negative enough reactions to convince me not to move him with me. I left him

Shortly after we are on the phone and it ain't over till it's over. We worked on plans to see each other and most likely move him to my new place, if previous problems ceased, boundaries set and agreements made. Four months passed while trying to set the funds aside and get things in proper order to do this. We spent a lot of that time on the phone which caused some of the necessary prep time to drag into four months.

I finally made it back for an undefined amount of time to stay, work clients from a business we shared and visit. First time back in the saddle with him, he addresses me as "b*tch" again. Quickly apologizes and back to business. Happens several more times, not every time, then twice on an occasion and yesterday twice again. We've had a verbal acknowledgement about it every time. I'm left scratching my head as to how this is back after over two years, it's persistent when it was so easily nixed and gone since the 3rd time from our beginning. 

Yesterday after the first oops, I pulled away, I'm fed up, and he profusely apologized, needlessly explained it doesn't mean anything bad towards me, needless because I don't care how it's meant and have more than made that clear. Back in the saddle and a few minutes later into it, he said it again. I left him cold to HANDle himself. 

He claims these are all slips, uh yes they are, slips he's very casually and comfortable making. It's not intentional, he's not messing with my head. I'm not going to add other details which support the conclusion I've come to because I only want feedback opinion on the details told so far. Why do you think this problem has resurfaced at all after a four month physical separation and over two years of it not being in our bed? Further, why is it so prominent and casually comfortable for him?

It really doesn't matter in the big picture at this point, I'm not interested in giving myself to any man that thinks calling a woman "b*tch" in bed is casually o.k. as a norm and acceptable. It's not, it wreaks of low rent trash disrespect and from him and deep seeded insecurity within him. That's not good enough for me. I just want to see how many conclusion opinions match mine, especially without the other factors, as well as other possibilities.

Thank you.


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## Mr.Married

100% total disrespect. Dirty talk can be fun but you have spoken with him about it time and time again. Either he is dumb AF or just doesn’t care in which both cases have the same outcome….GTFO !!


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## BeyondRepair007

debdefender said:


> I (F55) and my bf (M50) have been together 2+ years.
> 
> Started as roommates, transformed to committed couple. I was committed anyway.
> 
> First sexual encounter he addresses me as "b*tch" in bed. Not in a negative context, neutral. I had a polite word with him about it afterwards. Hoping it got across, that won't fly here.
> 
> Second time, he rolled it out again, this time I momentarily froze up and said something right then. Seeing he was losing my focus and interest in him quickly over it, another apology and coaxing back into it. Afterwards, he explains he doesn't mean it as an insult or in a bad way. I clearly clarified that I didn't take it in a negative way, but meaning being positive, neutral or negative, it's not o.k. with me, do it again I'll leave you to HANDle yourself. He understood.
> 
> 3rd time, he did it again so to drive the point home, I froze up, got up, left him to handle his own to much protest and coaxing which didn't pay off for him.
> 
> Since then, he's not remotely uttered an address to me in bed with the word "b*tch".
> 
> Fast forward a couple of years. My family gift me a home in another state. We have horrible week when time to move and he did some things that caused negative enough reactions to convince me not to move him with me. I left him
> 
> Shortly after we are on the phone and it ain't over till it's over. We worked on plans to see each other and most likely move him to my new place, if previous problems ceased, boundaries set and agreements made. Four months passed while trying to set the funds aside and get things in proper order to do this. We spent a lot of that time on the phone which caused some of the necessary prep time to drag into four months.
> 
> I finally made it back for an undefined amount of time to stay, work clients from a business we shared and visit. First time back in the saddle with him, he addresses me as "b*tch" again. Quickly apologizes and back to business. Happens several more times, not every time, then twice on an occasion and yesterday twice again. We've had a verbal acknowledgement about it every time. I'm left scratching my head as to how this is back after over two years, it's persistent when it was so easily nixed and gone since the 3rd time from our beginning.
> 
> Yesterday after the first oops, I pulled away, I'm fed up, and he profusely apologized, needlessly explained it doesn't mean anything bad towards me, needless because I don't care how it's meant and have more than made that clear. Back in the saddle and a few minutes later into it, he said it again. I left him cold to HANDle himself.
> 
> He claims these are all slips, uh yes they are, slips he's very casually and comfortable making. It's not intentional, he's not messing with my head. I'm not going to add other details which support the conclusion I've come to because I only want feedback opinion on the details told so far. Why do you think this problem has resurfaced at all after a four month physical separation and over two years of it not being in our bed? Further, why is it so prominent and casually comfortable for him?
> 
> It really doesn't matter in the big picture at this point, I'm not interested in giving myself to any man that thinks calling a woman "b*tch" in bed is casually o.k. as a norm and acceptable. It's not, it wreaks of low rent trash disrespect and from him and deep seeded insecurity within him. That's not good enough for me. I just want to see how many conclusion opinions match mine, especially without the other factors, as well as other possibilities.
> 
> Thank you.


Ha, what an idiot. If he can’t understand how to behave when you say ’stop’, then it leaves the door open for doing whatever he wants in spite of your wishes. 2 years? I’d be skeptical about making it 3.

But your question. Why now, after months of abiding.

No idea but my best guess is the gap left him ‘pent up’ and longing for what he wants.

When he stopped using the b-word with you previously, he was still using it in his head. But having that long gap without you made him need it even more. You are being “binge-b!tched”. Once the need is purged he may settle back down with your consistent dissuasion. Or he may not. He may feel more secure in the relationship since you moved him to your new place, so he thinks he has more liberty to do what he wants and you won’t dump him.

Whatever the reason, the underlying problem remains. He’s disrespecting your wishes during intimacy and violating your boundaries intentionally and easily. He’s not a keeper.


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## SunCMars

He has a problem.

His_ inner biatch_ won't behave herself, and will not remain silent.

His nasty and unpleasant _mother _still lives under his skin.

You are having relations with two entities.


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## Longtime Hubby

“A man’s gotta know his limitations“ - Clint Eastwood in a Dirty Harry movie. Forget which one.


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## BeyondRepair007

Longtime Hubby said:


> “A man’s gotta know his limitations“ - Clint Eastwood in a Dirty Harry movie. Forget which one.


Magnum Force. Epic!


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## Longtime Hubby

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Magnum Force. Epic!


Thanks!!


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## Teacherwifemom

I agree with you.


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## MarmiteC

debdefender said:


> Why do you think this problem has resurfaced at all after a four month physical separation and over two years of it not being in our bed? Further, why is it so prominent and casually comfortable for him?


My guess,..... because he's been able to use it elsewhere during the time you've been apart.


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## ShatteredKat

*debdefender*

Your BF has some serious personality issues.

Go here and read - and then think about how you want to be treated.

And don't let him move in with you!


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## Mybabysgotit

debdefender said:


> I (F55) and my bf (M50) have been together 2+ years.
> 
> Started as roommates, transformed to committed couple. I was committed anyway.
> 
> First sexual encounter he addresses me as "b*tch" in bed. Not in a negative context, neutral. I had a polite word with him about it afterwards. Hoping it got across, that won't fly here.
> 
> Second time, he rolled it out again, this time I momentarily froze up and said something right then. Seeing he was losing my focus and interest in him quickly over it, another apology and coaxing back into it. Afterwards, he explains he doesn't mean it as an insult or in a bad way. I clearly clarified that I didn't take it in a negative way, but meaning being positive, neutral or negative, it's not o.k. with me, do it again I'll leave you to HANDle yourself. He understood.
> 
> 3rd time, he did it again so to drive the point home, I froze up, got up, left him to handle his own to much protest and coaxing which didn't pay off for him.
> 
> Since then, he's not remotely uttered an address to me in bed with the word "b*tch".
> 
> Fast forward a couple of years. My family gift me a home in another state. We have horrible week when time to move and he did some things that caused negative enough reactions to convince me not to move him with me. I left him
> 
> Shortly after we are on the phone and it ain't over till it's over. We worked on plans to see each other and most likely move him to my new place, if previous problems ceased, boundaries set and agreements made. Four months passed while trying to set the funds aside and get things in proper order to do this. We spent a lot of that time on the phone which caused some of the necessary prep time to drag into four months.
> 
> I finally made it back for an undefined amount of time to stay, work clients from a business we shared and visit. First time back in the saddle with him, he addresses me as "b*tch" again. Quickly apologizes and back to business. Happens several more times, not every time, then twice on an occasion and yesterday twice again. We've had a verbal acknowledgement about it every time. I'm left scratching my head as to how this is back after over two years, it's persistent when it was so easily nixed and gone since the 3rd time from our beginning.
> 
> Yesterday after the first oops, I pulled away, I'm fed up, and he profusely apologized, needlessly explained it doesn't mean anything bad towards me, needless because I don't care how it's meant and have more than made that clear. Back in the saddle and a few minutes later into it, he said it again. I left him cold to HANDle himself.
> 
> He claims these are all slips, uh yes they are, slips he's very casually and comfortable making. It's not intentional, he's not messing with my head. I'm not going to add other details which support the conclusion I've come to because I only want feedback opinion on the details told so far. Why do you think this problem has resurfaced at all after a four month physical separation and over two years of it not being in our bed? Further, why is it so prominent and casually comfortable for him?
> 
> It really doesn't matter in the big picture at this point, I'm not interested in giving myself to any man that thinks calling a woman "b*tch" in bed is casually o.k. as a norm and acceptable. It's not, it wreaks of low rent trash disrespect and from him and deep seeded insecurity within him. That's not good enough for me. I just want to see how many conclusion opinions match mine, especially without the other factors, as well as other possibilities.
> 
> Thank you.


It's natural for him, he probably says it all the time to others he was in bed with. Maybe some of the others liked it. I had that same problem with my wife. I naturally say "thatta girl" in bed casually if she's doing something right' i've always said that to women I'm in bed with. My wife hates when I say that to her. after 20 years, it still sometimes slips. I don't try to do it, just one of those things that's part of my personality. I don't mean anything bad by it, and not trying to be harmful'; maybe same with your boyfriend.


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## Longtime Hubby

A “good girl” is warmly received here now and then


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## *Deidre*

How strange that he can’t remember to not use a word that bothers you. I’d just end it, go no contact, and block him. He will continue to come and go if you keep leaving the door open.

I think the famous poet Maya Angelou once said “when people show you who they are the first time, believe them.”


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## LATERILUS79

That is so odd. It shouldn’t be difficult to stop using a specific word. Does he use this word with anyone else? I mean, I’m assuming he can keep his mouth shut while at work since he knows it would be inappropriate there, right?

I bring this up because he keeps “slipping”. If it was a slip, he’d have this same issue everywhere and not just with you.

so, I don’t think he is slipping and is doing it on purpose.


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## DownByTheRiver

debdefender said:


> I (F55) and my bf (M50) have been together 2+ years.
> 
> Started as roommates, transformed to committed couple. I was committed anyway.
> 
> First sexual encounter he addresses me as "b*tch" in bed. Not in a negative context, neutral. I had a polite word with him about it afterwards. Hoping it got across, that won't fly here.
> 
> Second time, he rolled it out again, this time I momentarily froze up and said something right then. Seeing he was losing my focus and interest in him quickly over it, another apology and coaxing back into it. Afterwards, he explains he doesn't mean it as an insult or in a bad way. I clearly clarified that I didn't take it in a negative way, but meaning being positive, neutral or negative, it's not o.k. with me, do it again I'll leave you to HANDle yourself. He understood.
> 
> 3rd time, he did it again so to drive the point home, I froze up, got up, left him to handle his own to much protest and coaxing which didn't pay off for him.
> 
> Since then, he's not remotely uttered an address to me in bed with the word "b*tch".
> 
> Fast forward a couple of years. My family gift me a home in another state. We have horrible week when time to move and he did some things that caused negative enough reactions to convince me not to move him with me. I left him
> 
> Shortly after we are on the phone and it ain't over till it's over. We worked on plans to see each other and most likely move him to my new place, if previous problems ceased, boundaries set and agreements made. Four months passed while trying to set the funds aside and get things in proper order to do this. We spent a lot of that time on the phone which caused some of the necessary prep time to drag into four months.
> 
> I finally made it back for an undefined amount of time to stay, work clients from a business we shared and visit. First time back in the saddle with him, he addresses me as "b*tch" again. Quickly apologizes and back to business. Happens several more times, not every time, then twice on an occasion and yesterday twice again. We've had a verbal acknowledgement about it every time. I'm left scratching my head as to how this is back after over two years, it's persistent when it was so easily nixed and gone since the 3rd time from our beginning.
> 
> Yesterday after the first oops, I pulled away, I'm fed up, and he profusely apologized, needlessly explained it doesn't mean anything bad towards me, needless because I don't care how it's meant and have more than made that clear. Back in the saddle and a few minutes later into it, he said it again. I left him cold to HANDle himself.
> 
> He claims these are all slips, uh yes they are, slips he's very casually and comfortable making. It's not intentional, he's not messing with my head. I'm not going to add other details which support the conclusion I've come to because I only want feedback opinion on the details told so far. Why do you think this problem has resurfaced at all after a four month physical separation and over two years of it not being in our bed? Further, why is it so prominent and casually comfortable for him?
> 
> It really doesn't matter in the big picture at this point, I'm not interested in giving myself to any man that thinks calling a woman "b*tch" in bed is casually o.k. as a norm and acceptable. It's not, it wreaks of low rent trash disrespect and from him and deep seeded insecurity within him. That's not good enough for me. I just want to see how many conclusion opinions match mine, especially without the other factors, as well as other possibilities.
> 
> Thank you.


There's something wrong with him. And as you can see he's not good at changing.


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## debdefender

LATERILUS79 said:


> That is so odd. It shouldn’t be difficult to stop using a specific word. Does he use this word with anyone else? I mean, I’m assuming he can keep his mouth shut while at work since he knows it would be inappropriate there, right?
> 
> I bring this up because he keeps “slipping”. If it was a slip, he’d have this same issue everywhere and not just with you.
> 
> so, I don’t think he is slipping and is doing it on purpose.


When we fight or argue and he uses it, I have no problem with it. In bed, "mmm, come over here *****." I haveca problem with. Nixed after 3rd time for two solid years. Four months apart planning to work it out over the phone and move him to me when funds allow. Funds are in play, and addressing me as "*****" in bed is as well. What changed that triggered a return of something we got rid of with clear understanding from the getgo.


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## debdefender

LATERILUS79 said:


> That is so odd. It shouldn’t be difficult to stop using a specific word. Does he use this word with anyone else? I mean, I’m assuming he can keep his mouth shut while at work since he knows it would be inappropriate there, right?
> 
> I bring this up because he keeps “slipping”. If it was a slip, he’d have this same issue everywhere and not just with you.
> 
> so, I don’t think he is slipping and is doing it on purpose.


We are talking about use of it during sex. Apparently no one before me respected themselves enough to say, no, I will not be addressed this way in bed.


*Deidre* said:


> How strange that he can’t remember to not use a word that bothers you. I’d just end it, go no contact, and block him. He will continue to come and go if you keep leaving the door open.
> 
> I think the famous poet Maya Angelou once said “when people show you who they are the first time, believe them.”


I think it's strange he remembered solidly for two years. Four months of physical separation but together making plans, and once back together, he's using the word "*****" like it's a casual accepted norm. Why has it become a problem for him. He mixed in by the 3rd time when we started out.


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## ShatteredKat

*debdefender*

just looking over thread and *RATS!!* the URL didn't get in my post - so here it is:



https://www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/Resources/warning_signs.html



I think I found this in another post somewhere here on TAM.

Worth a read and then some thinking about your BF.

aaaand:

"I will not be addressed this way in bed."

YOU should not be addressed as a female cur under ANY situation!!!!


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## Julie's Husband

That's an awful lot of work to put into a dead end.


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## debdefender

DownByTheRiver said:


> There's something wrong with him. And as you can see he's not good at changing.


I think dropping it solid by the 3rd time 2 years ago was pretty good. I'm confused how being apart 4 months though not broken up, it's back and become a huge problem. He did change, I want to know what brought it on.


debdefender said:


> I (F55) and my bf (M50) have been together 2+ years.
> 
> Started as roommates, transformed to committed couple. I was committed anyway.
> 
> First sexual encounter he addresses me as "b*tch" in bed. Not in a negative context, neutral. I had a polite word with him about it afterwards. Hoping it got across, that won't fly here.
> 
> Second time, he rolled it out again, this time I momentarily froze up and said something right then. Seeing he was losing my focus and interest in him quickly over it, another apology and coaxing back into it. Afterwards, he explains he doesn't mean it as an insult or in a bad way. I clearly clarified that I didn't take it in a negative way, but meaning being positive, neutral or negative, it's not o.k. with me, do it again I'll leave you to HANDle yourself. He understood.
> 
> 3rd time, he did it again so to drive the point home, I froze up, got up, left him to handle his own to much protest and coaxing which didn't pay off for him.
> 
> Since then, he's not remotely uttered an address to me in bed with the word "b*tch".
> 
> Fast forward a couple of years. My family gift me a home in another state. We have horrible week when time to move and he did some things that caused negative enough reactions to convince me not to move him with me. I left him
> 
> Shortly after we are on the phone and it ain't over till it's over. We worked on plans to see each other and most likely move him to my new place, if previous problems ceased, boundaries set and agreements made. Four months passed while trying to set the funds aside and get things in proper order to do this. We spent a lot of that time on the phone which caused some of the necessary prep time to drag into four months.
> 
> I finally made it back for an undefined amount of time to stay, work clients from a business we shared and visit. First time back in the saddle with him, he addresses me as "b*tch" again. Quickly apologizes and back to business. Happens several more times, not every time, then twice on an occasion and yesterday twice again. We've had a verbal acknowledgement about it every time. I'm left scratching my head as to how this is back after over two years, it's persistent when it was so easily nixed and gone since the 3rd time from our beginning.
> 
> Yesterday after the first oops, I pulled away, I'm fed up, and he profusely apologized, needlessly explained it doesn't mean anything bad towards me, needless because I don't care how it's meant and have more than made that clear. Back in the saddle and a few minutes later into it, he said it again. I left him cold to HANDle himself.
> 
> He claims these are all slips, uh yes they are, slips he's very casually and comfortable making. It's not intentional, he's not messing with my head. I'm not going to add other details which support the conclusion I've come to because I only want feedback opinion on the details told so far. Why do you think this problem has resurfaced at all after a four month physical separation and over two years of it not being in our bed? Further, why is it so prominent and casually comfortable for him?
> 
> It really doesn't matter in the big picture at this point, I'm not interested in giving myself to any man that thinks calling a woman "b*tch" in bed is casually o.k. as a norm and acceptable. It's not, it wreaks of low rent trash disrespect and from him and deep seeded insecurity within him. That's not good enough for me. I just want to see how many conclusion opinions match mine, especially without the other factors, as well as other possibilities.
> 
> Thank you.



UPDATE: My feeling is, ***** made it back into our bed because he brought someone else into our bed. Someone from the past that would expect it and not mind it and they had a nice wild ride the last month as I worked my ass off to get here and pick him up. Just as time drew closer he manipulated fights with her to run her off. She oops accidentally turned up on his friends list of a brand new account with him having no idea how. So I return, he's gotten used to using "*****" in bed again and it overlaps onto me.

Hope he's happy. I know I will be.


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## Diana7

debdefender said:


> When we fight or argue and he uses it, I have no problem with it. In bed, "mmm, come over here ***." I haveca problem with. Nixed after 3rd time for two solid years. Four months apart planning to work it out over the phone and move him to me when funds allow. Funds are in play, and addressing me as "***" in bed is as well. What changed that triggered a return of something we got rid of with clear understanding from the getgo.


So he calls you ***** when you argue? And you are ok with that?


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## BeyondRepair007

debdefender said:


> UPDATE: My feeling is, *** made it back into our bed because he brought someone else into our bed. Someone from the past that would expect it and not mind it and they had a nice wild ride the last month as I worked my ass off to get here and pick him up. Just as time drew closer he manipulated fights with her to run her off. She oops accidentally turned up on his friends list of a brand new account with him having no idea how. So I return, he's gotten used to using "***" in bed again and it overlaps onto me.


Seems like a stretch to me. Do you have any other red flags that he’s been cheating?


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## Jimi007

Does it happen during Rough Sex ?
Is he heavily dominant in bed ?
Does he slap you or force you to do things your not comfortable with ? 

If he does , it could be he just doesn't value you , and is just using you for his own pleasure. 

The word b!tch is a control thing in bed.


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## ccpowerslave

What are his redeeming qualities?


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## DownByTheRiver

debdefender said:


> I think dropping it solid by the 3rd time 2 years ago was pretty good. I'm confused how being apart 4 months though not broken up, it's back and become a huge problem. He did change, I want to know what brought it on.
> 
> 
> 
> UPDATE: My feeling is, *** made it back into our bed because he brought someone else into our bed. Someone from the past that would expect it and not mind it and they had a nice wild ride the last month as I worked my ass off to get here and pick him up. Just as time drew closer he manipulated fights with her to run her off. She oops accidentally turned up on his friends list of a brand new account with him having no idea how. So I return, he's gotten used to using "***" in bed again and it overlaps onto me.
> 
> Hope he's happy. I know I will be.


That sounds about right. Well now you know what you're dealing with- or no longer dealing with.

He just has an underlying disrespect for women and every time he says that he's flipping women off.


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## She'sStillGotIt

So he proved what a complete loser he is when you found out he was also screwing around on you. Shocker.

Too bad you continually ignored the red flags flapping all over the place and wasted as much time as you did on Prince Charming.

Next time, do yourself a big favor and don't ignore the red flags.


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## MattMatt

debdefender said:


> I (F55) and my bf (M50) have been together 2+ years.
> 
> Started as roommates, transformed to committed couple. I was committed anyway.
> 
> First sexual encounter he addresses me as "b*tch" in bed. Not in a negative context, neutral. I had a polite word with him about it afterwards. Hoping it got across, that won't fly here.
> 
> Second time, he rolled it out again, this time I momentarily froze up and said something right then. Seeing he was losing my focus and interest in him quickly over it, another apology and coaxing back into it. Afterwards, he explains he doesn't mean it as an insult or in a bad way. I clearly clarified that I didn't take it in a negative way, but meaning being positive, neutral or negative, it's not o.k. with me, do it again I'll leave you to HANDle yourself. He understood.
> 
> 3rd time, he did it again so to drive the point home, I froze up, got up, left him to handle his own to much protest and coaxing which didn't pay off for him.
> 
> Since then, he's not remotely uttered an address to me in bed with the word "b*tch".
> 
> Fast forward a couple of years. My family gift me a home in another state. We have horrible week when time to move and he did some things that caused negative enough reactions to convince me not to move him with me. I left him
> 
> Shortly after we are on the phone and it ain't over till it's over. We worked on plans to see each other and most likely move him to my new place, if previous problems ceased, boundaries set and agreements made. Four months passed while trying to set the funds aside and get things in proper order to do this. We spent a lot of that time on the phone which caused some of the necessary prep time to drag into four months.
> 
> I finally made it back for an undefined amount of time to stay, work clients from a business we shared and visit. First time back in the saddle with him, he addresses me as "b*tch" again. Quickly apologizes and back to business. Happens several more times, not every time, then twice on an occasion and yesterday twice again. We've had a verbal acknowledgement about it every time. I'm left scratching my head as to how this is back after over two years, it's persistent when it was so easily nixed and gone since the 3rd time from our beginning.
> 
> Yesterday after the first oops, I pulled away, I'm fed up, and he profusely apologized, needlessly explained it doesn't mean anything bad towards me, needless because I don't care how it's meant and have more than made that clear. Back in the saddle and a few minutes later into it, he said it again. I left him cold to HANDle himself.
> 
> He claims these are all slips, uh yes they are, slips he's very casually and comfortable making. It's not intentional, he's not messing with my head. I'm not going to add other details which support the conclusion I've come to because I only want feedback opinion on the details told so far. Why do you think this problem has resurfaced at all after a four month physical separation and over two years of it not being in our bed? Further, why is it so prominent and casually comfortable for him?
> 
> It really doesn't matter in the big picture at this point, I'm not interested in giving myself to any man that thinks calling a woman "b*tch" in bed is casually o.k. as a norm and acceptable. It's not, it wreaks of low rent trash disrespect and from him and deep seeded insecurity within him. That's not good enough for me. I just want to see how many conclusion opinions match mine, especially without the other factors, as well as other possibilities.
> 
> Thank you.


Dump it. It's toxic.


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## ABHale

debdefender said:


> I think dropping it solid by the 3rd time 2 years ago was pretty good. I'm confused how being apart 4 months though not broken up, it's back and become a huge problem. He did change, I want to know what brought it on.
> 
> 
> 
> UPDATE: My feeling is, _ made it back into our bed because he brought someone else into our bed. Someone from the past that would expect it and not mind it and they had a nice wild ride the last month as I worked my ass off to get here and pick him up. Just as time drew closer he manipulated fights with her to run her off. She oops accidentally turned up on his friends list of a brand new account with him having no idea how. So I return, he's gotten used to using "_" in bed again and it overlaps onto me.
> 
> Hope he's happy. I know I will be.


This is the first thing that popped into my head. He has been saying it to someone he is cheating on you with.


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