# Not sure how to deal with this



## SJMan1974 (Jul 9, 2011)

My wife and I have been married for over 11 years. We have an 8 year old and 10 year old. 

Over the years we have had our ups and downs, but we were always there to support each other. My wife had a couple of lumpectomies and is also being treated for anxiety. Treatment for that included meds and counseling. We had some financial difficulties but have improved our lives immensely in the last 3 years.

I should note that I grew up as an only child with a divorced mother (divorced when I was 4), so I figured that I missed out on a few things in life, but came out of things with a Master's Degree and able to live independently. My wife grew up as the youngest of three and was fairly spoiled by her parents. Her siblings do not get along with her for this reason. Her mother recently called her arrogant but I defended her at that time saying that she was sensitive.

I noticed that a few months ago that my wife was spending a lot of time alone in our room (right after supper until bedtime) on her laptop. Because she was on anti anxiety medication I was not concerned since she has always gone to bed early. A month ago we went on vacation and a couple of weeks after we returned she told me that she wanted a divorce. I was flabbergasted.

I immediately suggested MC, since I had already done counseling before to improve my parenting skills, which worked great! Well, we went to MC session 1 and she called me down to the dirt. I was unable to respond. In that session she said that she hasn't loved me since after our first child was born. I knew that this was not true. She does tend to dwell on negative things and she has a quick temper. I am a little more laid back. I think that was part of my problem, becoming a little complacent. Some of the other things she mentioned were the fact that I didn't clear the snow off of her car sometimes. I believe that happened maybe 12 times last year. That seemed to be a little bit picky. I cleaned off the car at least 50 times over the winter in addition to clearing the driveway. She goes to work an hour before me so sometimes the extra 30 minutes in bed are required. Our morning routine was I would get up, put the coffee on, she would get in the shower and I would go back to bed. She got out of the shower and I got in. By the time I was ready she would have the kids' lunches ready and would be leaving. I would then get the kids up, get them breakfast, get them ready and then take them to school.

Just before our session she told me what she was doing on her laptop. She was chatting with people all of the time, except that she had also made a connection with another man. This connection led to a couple of phone calls, one of which was made while we were on family vacation down south. I was floored! Since then all connections have been cut off with that person, but she is still spending a lot of time on her laptop. I am giving her space.

Our second MC session is this week, but I do not think that it will go well either. She seems to like telling me that she has already seen a lawyer. We are not sleeping in the same bed. I am sleeping with my son in his bed (double bed). I have told her that I will be seeing a lawyer this week as well. 

I have read the "Man Up" articles as well as the 180 and am trying to use them as best as I can. I still feel like an emotional wreck though and trying new things to hold on to my sanity. I am spending a lot of time with my kids, which I am enjoying. I know that if we get divorced the kids will stay with her, but I will still have them a lot. I worry about being alone, but I also worry about my wife and kids. I know that my wife will have a hard time doing all of the chores that I do since she has never had to do them.

I'm sorry if this rant was a little long, but if someone can give me a little advice I would really appreciate it. If you need anymore info feel free to ask questions. (5 mins ago) It seems like when I told her that I was going to see a lawyer that she changed a little. Now she is willing to let me back in bed. I am weary.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Is in it interesting when..instead of begging and pleading for her, you man up and simple put "I'll see a lawyer too"?

Great job!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In addition make sure you keep that other influence out of the marraige. Make sure it is clear that the OM is ever contacted again the marriage is over.

Do you know you this guy is?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I don't get it, she is connecting to another man and you leave the bed? whats that all about?

Don't let her rewrite history, she's scewing around so stay stronge and focus on the belief that begging and pleading will only empower her. 

The big thing here is take your time and think before you speak. Your at a cridicial point and it can go either way, just don't buckle under her BS to make you look like the bad guy. Support her and acknolodge her feelings but never apoligize for her choice to cheat.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

SJMan1974 said:


> Some of the other things she mentioned were the fact that I didn't clear the snow off of her car sometimes.


Let's see...on one side of the scale we have the snow-clearing issue, on the other side of the scale we have the other man. My guess is that ONE of those issues is a red herring.


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## SJMan1974 (Jul 9, 2011)

The other man is out of the picture now. That was done before our first MC session. That person was not even from Canada, he was somewhere in the US... as I have been told. We had a good evening last night and that has carried over to today. I'll be careful, I still trust her, but I wonder some times. 

The snow clearing was brought out in MC. She was adding things in to put me down. Another session this week, so I'll see how she speaks this time around.


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## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

May I reply to your post? 
As a disgruntled wife myself, I can say that seemingly minor things to you can be major things to a wife... While it may seem trivial about brushing the snow off the car, to a woman it might be a sign of affection and caring--know what I mean? Like, by not brushing off the car, you're not giving her the 'affection' she craves...Does that kind of make sense? 
I'm not saying she's right or that she was involved with another man because you didn't clean off her car, but I'm trying to say that men and women think differently. My H and I have this kind of fight all the time, that's why I wanted to post. To me, the act of cleaning off the car is an act of love--something that shows your wife on a daily basis how much you love her. And when you don't do it, she might have looked for other 'signs' that you loved her but didn't find enough...
I'm not justifying her behavior in contacting another man...That is completely unacceptable. What I can say though, is that from a woman's perspective, she was probably "missing" something at home...and as much as you think you were giving it to her, she apparently wasn't 'receiving' the love you were offering... Make sense?
Again, I'm not taking sides or bagging on you at all...You sound like you've been a great husband! It just tends to be that sometimes men and women express love and feelings in different ways and sometimes the other partner can't "hear" what they're saying because it's expressed in a way they're not wired to "get".
I hope MC helps you both sort things out


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## SJMan1974 (Jul 9, 2011)

Thanks for your post onepotatotwo,

I agree with you that men and women see things differently. My goal is to actually think about things a little more. In hindsight, I should have cleaned off the car. We have reconciled at the moment and I plan to try and be a more considerate husband and do the things that remind her that I love her. She has told me that she plans to do the same thing and she thanked me for the support that I have given her over the years. The fact that she thanked me made me feel appreciated. This was something that I was missing and liked to hear.

I think that the MC sessions will be more positive now. Hopefully it will help us pave the way to a greater marriage and respect for each other.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yes, I can see that. Makes perfect sense. "you didn't brush the snow off my car, so I want a divorce!"

LMFAO! This has to be the most ridiculous attempt at blame shifting and trying to justify her actions in her head. If that's the best she can come up with, she's grasping at straws.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

Oh my gosh SJMan, I'm sorry! I wasn't saying you should be her slave or anything...That's something she needs to get over too, making you clean her car *all* the time...
I was saying more that she might have not been receiving the message "I love you" that you were sending because we're wired differently. I agree too with AlphaOmega that it is ridiculous of her to want the car cleaned off and that she's grasping at straws to explain away her affair and marital dissatisfaction... But no matter how dumb her argument is or how nonsensical it is to you, there's something there somewhere in her message that she's telling you she didn't feel loved by you... It doesn't mean you *don't* love her and I'm sure she knows that...she just probably needs the message delivered in a different way. I think MC would help you both if this is really just a communication issue and not her actually wanting to leave the marriage.
I hope it works out for you


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## SJMan1974 (Jul 9, 2011)

I totally understand. It's the little things that I am missing. Just spoke to W a little while ago and that is our goal in MC now rather than the past. 

I think that my main problem is that I didn't grow up in an environment where I could witness and learn from these things. However, I did note to W that it was a two way street and that I intend to try and express myself more, but I am not going to do everything for her. She has to do things back as well.


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## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

SJMan, I'm glad to hear that about the MC...  

The reason I posted in your thread is because I can relate to where your wife is at kind of (minus the affair part thankfully)...And what you post is really helping me too...It helps me understand where my H is coming from because in alot of ways he's like you, where he tries to deliver a message of love and support but doesn't have the 'tools' or whatever to give it to me in a way that brings me joy and happiness. (Sorry to sound preachy there). 

So, what I wanted to ask you is, what is it specifically you need from your W?? My H and I have problems with communication and all the stress of life makes it worse...But bottom line is I love him and don't want a divorce, but I can't see him delivering the message of love (ok, yuck that was kinda gaggy there lol) in a way I can "get"...Know what I mean? 
So I'm figuring if you could say what it is you need from your wife that would give *you* joy, happiness, etc. maybe it's what my H wants too, or close to it... 
I've tried asking him but he can't articulate his feelings to me--maybe because the relationship is too intense for him or something, but he just can't open up to me like that...plus he did not come from an emotionally-close home.


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## SJMan1974 (Jul 9, 2011)

It's hard to say what in particular I would like to see. I know that I want to feel needed, respected and loved. When my W has an issue I want her to come to me first. I want to see her smile (this would depend a lot upon me) and want to do things with me and go places. I want my wife to prod me a little or tell me if she thinks I am being emotionally unavailable, so that I can try to open up. I am a man, but I have feelings as well. In my case I would also like my W to only be angry at me if I am the cause. She tends to vent at me when someone or something else makes her angry or frustrated. I hope that I am not making you *gag*, but I want my wife to want to hold my hand because I certainly want to hold hers.

Obviously I do not put all the blame of our situation on my wife though. I hope that we share it 50/50. I intend to learn (and practice) the 50 that I need to make our marriage work. 

I love my wife, but I won't be trampled. I want us to raise our kids in a happy, fun and outgoing home. I want our kids to have what I never had.

Believe it or not, this thread is helping me reduce my stress. It helps to talk. Thanks.


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## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

LOL, that's funny....you're not making me gag.lol It's nice that you love your wife like that and can talk about her in that way 
I"m glad this thread is helping you because it's helping me too...alot...

I hear that you don't want to be trampled...My H feels the same way, and in fact when we first got together and we had any arguments it came down to him saying "he didn't want to be steamrolled again." And my H wants to give his kids what he didn't have either--which is a devoted dad who goes to all their sporting events and is "there" for them. 

I tend to be like your wife and probably alot of other women in that I vent at/on my H. Something goes really wonky at work or some huge thing happens and I'll be all fired up and tell him about it. My H has said, like you, that he doesn't want to have me "take things out on him"--but from my perspective I'm not taking it "out on him", I'm just venting and telling him about what happened. So what I'm gathering that venting to a man is *not* a good thing?lol 
I have my mom and friends for girl-powered venting support, but I also need my H to just let me talk about whatever is going on...and just offer a hug... I don't expect or need him to *do anything*...I just need that sympathetic ear...and the hug.lol
Wonder what we as people can do to get women and men on the same page in that area???

You mentioned also wanting to feel respected... I have to admit that I can make my H not feel respected by the things I say and do. I make belittling comments and say things out of anger and frustration that I'm sure make him feel disrespected. Maybe that's something your wife could work on too? 

I talked to my H the other day about us getting divorced and we discussed how we felt about our marriage, etc. I said to him that being Mrs. So-and-So is probably the biggest thing in my life...That it makes me proud to wear that title and it in a major way, defines who I am. I don't want to be a single girl again...I want to be a married woman who has 2 step kids and a dog and a house in the burbs... It's who I've become and I'm proud of being Mrs. So-and-So. Getting a divorce would rob me of a chunk of my identity and I don't want that. 

I'm thinking if your wife got to sit down and talk with you in MC, she might show you and tell you that she feels the same way.

Thanks for sharing your male perspective with me...It definitely helps


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## SJMan1974 (Jul 9, 2011)

I don't mind when my wife is angry/upset and telling about a problem or issue that she is having. She actually gets angry at me which makes me feel ... bad when I really haven't done anything. This is when I feel like I am not respected. There are the same sort of things as well where belittling comments are directed my way. I have been guilty of the same, so we are both guilty and need to work on that.

I would LOVE for my wife to say that she is proud to be Mrs. So-and-So. I think that it would fill me with pride. However, she looks at my last name and associates it with my extended family. This is one of the things that she sees, but I am nothing like my parents.

MC is in a couple of hours, so I'll be back after then. Hopefully it is a positive session unlike the last one.


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## SJMan1974 (Jul 9, 2011)

Ok, MC session 2 over. Things went a little better and we straightened a few things out. A much more positive session. Councillor told us some things that we need to do and said that they will feel weird at first because we are trying to modify behaviors that have built up over the years. He noted that we need to do things without the kids sometimes and create stress-management plans. The stress-management would likely end up being exercise, and it works, since we have both started doing this. 

He asked us some questions about our arguments. He asked if anyone was a "historian" (bringing up the past) or a Crown Prosecutor (needs to be right). Apparently he told my wife that she was both and that I have a little Crown Prosecutor in me as well. We both agreed with this. 

He explained a few things with regards to our internal thermometers. He said that if we are brought up cold then we have learned to be cold except that we are all able to reset that thermometer and learn to be warm. The thing is that changing does not occur overnight but as long as communication lines are open, we can make it happen. He said that things may feel weird at first, especially if there is overcompensation, but things will even out. 

My wife and I came out of this meeting with a clearer picture on some things that we can do to improve our marriage. The MC made reference to some counseling that I done earlier on this year around my parenting skills. He asked my wife if they had worked and she agreed that the counseling had worked wonders. 

Things seem to be moving in a good direction, but both people need to want it to go that way and have to be willing to put in the effort.


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## SuzyQ64 (Jul 19, 2010)

SJMan1974 said:


> I know that my wife will have a hard time doing all of the chores that I do since she has never had to do them.


Will you marry me?

Sorry that may have been inappropriate. I have a thing for guys who know how to use an Electrolux.


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## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

Hey SJMan, it sounds like counseling went well! I'm happy for you
I wish I had a counselor who could break it down like that for H and me...I like the analogy of prosecutors and historians.haha 
It sounds like you've got a good one, and I hope some time in counseling will help get your marriage on track.
Good Luck


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## SJMan1974 (Jul 9, 2011)

Thanks. It helps to be able to come in here and share. My W is not so sure that our counselor is so great. This time she noted that she was not as pleased as our first session. The first session had her venting and this time the tables didn't lean so far in her direction. One very positive outcome of it all so far is that our communication is getting better and we are able to speak our minds without getting worked up. The kids seem to be responding very positively as well.

The big goal now is to take things one day at a time and work at being more positive and open.


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## SJMan1974 (Jul 9, 2011)

So, another week has passed and I am feeling a little anxiety. My W spends an inordinate amount of time on her computer in the bedroom or on her phone every day. She says that she is chatting with her friends or playing games and I find myself hoping that this is the case. I have told her that I think that she is spending too much time doing that and not enough with me and the kids. When I do this she huffs and puffs and gets angry. I am trying to be more open with her. It makes me wonder if she is toying with me. In the meantime our sex life is better than it ever was. She seems to be skimping on the household chores and I am picking up some of the slack, but not all of it. Should I relax or am I just being paranoid?


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## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

Sounds like you've got a mixed bag there....some improvements but still some unsettling stuff going on. 
I don't know what the computer deal could be...I know I get in moods where I don't want to "deal" anymore so I hole up in my room and get on my iPad. To a worrier, it might appear that I could be up to no good, chatting up guys, being bad....But the truth is, I just sit and play Angry Birds or read my friends facebook posts...and when things are rough at home, I look at houses on the Realtor website. But no matter what, I have never had a cyber-affair or cheated or whatever...I respect myself first and foremost and wouldn't do something inappropriate on the internet... Maybe it's that way with your W....Maybe she's just taking a little time to herself?
I don't have any brilliant advice for you--just try to maybe take it a day at a time and see how things go. If your W seems like she's taking some time for herself maybe that's ok...but it's not ok if she's making you her slave and not doing her share around the house... You could always speak up and say "Hunny I'm so busy--would you mind helping me..." I'm always happy to help my H with whatever--when he asks nicely, and not when he belittles and is nasty.
I hope things keep getting better for you guys


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## SJMan1974 (Jul 9, 2011)

MC Session 3

Things did not seem to go so well today. Woke up this morning and the W and I hugged and kissed and things felt great! We get to MC today and I think someone else showed up. I was surprised and caught off-guard. W was waving the divorce wand again and telling me that I am the cause of all evil. I think that the counselor was taken aback as well at this so he asked W what she wants in life. He then asked me what I wanted and I told him that I wanted a happy family, with happy children and a wife that respects me, supports me and is supported by me. I also told him that I want to know what to do to make my wife happy. W brought out the history books again and proceeded to try an tear me a new one. She said that she just wants to be with someone that she loves and that she still sees things ending in divorce. I was floored from that statement considering I thought that things were going well over the last few weeks. I asked her not to be so negative. She said things in the MC session that I knew were not true and I called her on them (might not have been wise), but I felt that she was trying to build herself up and trying to put me down the entire hour that we were there. I think W's goal is to get the counselor on her side. I thought the goal was to help improve our marriage.

One of the interesting things that happened was that she brought up that I said that the relationship between H and W is more important than the children. I corrected her in saying that the kids are most important for a period of time. The counselor asked her what she would do once the kids move away when they grow up.

The topic of her association with another man came up and the counselor tried to make her understand that I would have some difficulties with her spending so much time away from me and our children. She just figures that she did nothing wrong and that I should get over it.

She said that I have three months, but I have a feeling that she has already made up her mind. I am just about ready to pull the plug myself except that I am holding onto that last straw of hope. Obviously I am thinking of the financial parts of divorce and child support and taking care of my kids, but I do not know if it is worth taking this abuse from my wife. After today's session I feel abused. 

I realize that there is always two sides to every story, but I do not feel that I have been a bad husband. I've supported my wife through a number of illnesses as well as times where she was not employed. We have two very smart and athletic children. I have always done 50% or more of the housework as well as helping her parents when they need help. I know that one of my problems was being emotionally closed off, but I have fixed that over the last year as well as getting help to being a better parent. I suppose that I am a realist and know when we cannot afford things.

Sorry for the rant, but I am feeling a little upset at the moment and that everything that I have been been working on for the last 6 weeks has been pulled out from under my feet.


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## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

I'm sorry...that sounds like a crappy MC session  
Isn't that though, one of the hardest things about these types of relationships--the see-saw thing where at one point everything is ok or even good then it goes in the toilet and you have to ride it until it goes back up again... The ups and downs is what really gets me unhappy in my own marriage...

It doesn't sound like your W is being fair...3 months or what?? She's going to leave--see the guy from her EA? Why did she come up with a 3month time table?

It sounds like she's thinking of her interests outside of the marriage and just going through the motions of MC until she gets the nerve up to leave...which is totally not fair and really crappy--but I might be completely wrong, you know? It just seems like, most women, don't get ready to leave a relationship without something out there for backup...although in my own particular case there is absolutely no backup--my leaving is about **me** wanting to be on my own and grow my own life...but then again, I haven't left yet...

I'm very sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you're at least trying to make your marriage work. I hope that however it turns out, you'll keep making sure to look after yourself and your kids interests.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

SJ, I've read this thread and can tell you I'm cheering for you man. I feel a lot like you do except I broke under all the pressure long time ago and it seems like you've been able to keep going so far. That your W can't appreciate your hard work and devotion to her and your family is really upsetting, I think a lot of it comes down to love languages, but more so right now it sounds like she is blame shifting, attempting to revise history, and is looking at greener pastures (from what you've written I can tell you that there are few out there, she is going to a fantasy place). It is impossible to reason with that so you gotta speak with action... if it becomes clear that she is not willing to give the respect and support you need you will have to start enforcing that need, prepare yourself to let her leave, and if it comes to it you should also seek custody of your kids, you are the stable foundation in their lives at least as much as she could be. Good skill to you!


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## SJMan1974 (Jul 9, 2011)

I know that I am trying, but I feel like the door is already closed. I actually feel angry right now and do not know how to talk to her about it. She had the audacity to say that her friend was on her high horse today, I think that my W does not actually see herself realistically. Her mother even called her arrogant to me one day. 

I feel like the human yo-yo who is also walking on eggshells. One good thing is that I have turned to exercise to reduce stress and it is paying off.

The 3-month timetable seems suspect to me. I knew that she had planned on taking a trip with her friend, but that changed and her friend went alone to another place. I would certainly not stand still and allow that to happen.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

SJMan1974 said:


> MC Session 3
> 
> We get to MC today and I think someone else showed up. I was surprised and caught off-guard. W was waving the divorce wand again and telling me that I am the cause of all evil.


Wow - does this sound familiar! And if I have to hear "what you've put me through the past 18 years..." 

At least your MC seemed taken aback. Out MC seems to agree with her (yikes!)



SJMan1974 said:


> I also told him that I want to know what to do to make my wife happy. W brought out the history books again and proceeded to try an tear me a new one.


Women's capacity to remember events with lots of emotion far surpass men's. It has to do with the relative size of structures in the brain. I get the same thing here.



SJMan1974 said:


> She said that she just wants to be with someone that she loves and that she still sees things ending in divorce. I was floored from that statement considering I thought that things were going well over the last few weeks.


I am thoroughly convinced that I am a rose-colored-glasses-wearing-optimist to a fault and completely oblivious to all the pain and torture I continually dish out. I felt I've gotten knee-capped so many time in MC, I should go in crawling. At least I won't fall so far)



SJMan1974 said:


> I called her on them (might not have been wise), but I felt that she was trying to build herself up and trying to put me down the entire hour that we were there. I think W's goal is to get the counselor on her side. I thought the goal was to help improve our marriage.


GREAT that you called her on the lies! I was characterized as now 'using sleeping pills.' This is based on taking 1/4 of the recommended dosage about once every 1.5 - 2 weeks. Call me an addict!



SJMan1974 said:


> She said that I have three months, but I have a feeling that she has already made up her mind. I am just about ready to pull the plug myself except that I am holding onto that last straw of hope. Obviously I am thinking of the financial parts of divorce and child support and taking care of my kids, but I do not know if it is worth taking this abuse from my wife. After today's session I feel abused.


I often hear, "I am committed to this relationship, but not sure for how much longer." Hmmm. Feeling abused . . . I hear ya.



SJMan1974 said:


> I realize that there is always two sides to every story, but I do not feel that I have been a bad husband. I've supported my wife through a number of illnesses as well as times where she was not employed. We have two very smart and athletic children. I have always done 50% or more of the housework as well as helping her parents when they need help. I know that one of my problems was being emotionally closed off, but I have fixed that over the last year as well as getting help to being a better parent. I suppose that I am a realist and know when we cannot afford things.
> 
> Sorry for the rant, but I am feeling a little upset at the moment and that everything that I have been been working on for the last 6 weeks has been pulled out from under my feet.


I'm afraid I didn't offer any conrete advice on this but wanted to let you know you are not alone in any of this. I keep telling myself that if there are problems, they need to be faced and this can be painful (whether in MC or IC - facing those demons ain't easy). But to take 2 steps forward and being slammed back 3 each week is just not a lot of fun.

I also keep telling myself that we're working on this, meeting with MC, talking and perhaps this will all make sense and get better. And if not, I know that i did my part to try and make it work. After being married 19 years, i feel it's the only thing that i can do.

Hang in there! I'll be thinking about you.


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## setadrift (Jul 27, 2011)

SJ, I feel for you and no matter how it all turns out, you'll at least be able to know if your heart you did everything you possibly could. My husband won't even consider marriage counseling, so my hat's off to you! It takes great courage and your patience and persistance sets the bar for us all!


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## SJMan1974 (Jul 9, 2011)

Thanks for the kind and reassuring comments. I am certainly a stubborn person at times and I refuse to give up on a 16 year relationship without some serious effort. 

Going to the counseling is the easy part, hearing what is said can be pretty rough.

W admitted this morning that she might be experiencing pre-menopause. I'll have to try to get W to ask as the doctor about that one. All that I can do is support her if that is the case.

Anyway, exercise is a great way way to blow off the stress and it is paying off in shedding a few loose pounds. I can assume that it is helping in my relationship as well since W is noticing. W has also talked about some of the things that the counselor asked us to try which I see as positive progress. Hopefully the next MC session is better than the last.


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## SixMonthsInHell (Jun 27, 2011)

SJman: Sorry to hear of your struggles. I have been in a similar situation for just over 6 months. Dealing with stbxw's MLC. I wish you all the best, but please watch your back in MC. In my case, and that of several guys I know on another website, MC was used to fake us out, while she plotted and planned, and got it on with the OM. Then they pull the rug out from under you, and it hurts terribly because you put some faith in the MC process.

I hope it does not happen to you, but it happened to me, and to others. Beware the evil MLC beast.

I have now been dragged into the fast lane to divorceville. nothing could stop this runaway train.

And we are the same age as you, married 16 years, 2 kids....its always the same sad story...something about this age, this length of marriage, perimenopause, inattentive husbands....

good luck to you


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