# I UNintentionally emasculated my husband. Bad.



## Parttimehippie (Dec 23, 2017)

--It was time to chop Bob's balls off.

--Well get a rubber band around them so they fall off in a week or so. 

--Bob is a 2 month old bull calf, for those who were starting to worry. 

We have a stall with a gate that squishes cows against the wall. We had Bob in the squeezer, when he kicked at Mr's hand and smashed it against the gate. Mr responded with a flury of cuss words and hollered to call the vet out and have them castrate him instead. I suggested we try again, and tie Bob to the gate and use a rope to hobble him. Mr yelled at me to let him go, so I did. 

I wasn't ready to give up, so the next day (today) I again herded Bob in, squished him, tied his head tight, then tied a lead rope around his hock, lifted it, then tied it to the gate, which gave me complete access to do the deed. The band was put on, and he was turned loose, no worse for wear. 

I texted Mr to let him know we didn't need to pay for a farm call. He responded with "Well I guess your better then me. Good job. I'll just hang it up you don't need me for anything you've proven your point." I saved us $120+ for a vet visit and we would have still had to secure the calf! I really did not mean to take away two sets of balls today, but I knew that my idea would have worked, and would have worked yesterday as well. When he came home later, I had the house clean, and dinner on the table, but he wouldn't speak to me and went straight to bed. 

This isn't the first time I've done things like this. Last fall, he didn't get us any firewood, so I bought 2 cord, loaded it, hauled it, and stacked it. I don't mean to emasculate him at all, but sometimes **** needs done. I am aware that his self esteem is low (he is a bit tubby, bad knee, and balding), and this isn't helping but I'm not going to be cold and we already have a bull.

Should I not have texted him? He would have been upset anyway, I guess. What can I do to make him feel better? 
Thank you, gentlemen for your honest inputs.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Really? It upsets your husband when you get things done? Sad.


----------



## Parttimehippie (Dec 23, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Really? It upsets your husband when you get things done? Sad.


I don't know what to do. I'm happy to pull my weight, but I mean come on! 
PS: Thanks for the edit. I tried to indent.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Did he say this or did you? Maybe your are projecting.


----------



## Parttimehippie (Dec 23, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Did he say this or did you? Maybe your are projecting.


I copied his text.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Parttimehippie said:


> I copied his text.


He is definitely insecure and for what it’s worth I don’t think you did much wrong. How long does the pity party usually last?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Nothing stands out in your post about emasculating your hubby.

If there isn't something else going on, he is in need of a swat or two.

I LOVE capable women.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Go on the offensive. Tell him that you thought you two were partners and partners work together to solve problems. You don't have to apologize for saving the cost of a vet bill and you weren't gloating - you were apprising your partner of the status of a problem. Tell him that if you acting in the best interests of the partnership is too much for him to handle that you have another rubber band and you'll make it official.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

What is this fool - 12 years old?

Stop catering to the man-child. Assuaging his pitiful ego is *not* your responsibility.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

you did the right thing, package up the balls and give it to him, and tell he can replace his when he stops being a baby.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

You didn't emasculate him. Sounds like he's already done that to himself.

Seriously, only the most lopsided and jaded of men would defend your husband's tantrum.


----------



## cheapie (Aug 6, 2018)

Wow - I agree this is an insecure and this is an overly sensitive reaction. I don't think you should have to always be walking on eggshells in fear of bruising his ego when you want to get things done. And he shouldn't resent you being capable.

But, sometimes, I've found that all that is needed is to ask my husband's advice about something before I do it. Not that I'm asking his permission, but it's been my experience that men love being consulted about things. I will kind of approach it as "here's what I'm thinking about doing to solve this issue, what do you think?" We will talk it through, and often we go with my suggestion anyway, but that makes it feel like a joint solution. And sometimes he points out things that I hadn't thought of. I know that you told him your suggestion at the time, but he was upset at being kicked at the time....maybe if you'd brought it up when he was calmer, he would have felt more a part of it, I don't know.

With the firewood....was it something you had repeatedly asked him to do and he put off?

Granted, you can't consult him about everything and he is ultimately responsible for his insecurities and needs to get over it, but this might be a way of helping him feel more "needed" at times. 

Just a thought....


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Your H response is silly.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

And if red dog had any actual evidence that the OP has spent tears breaking down her husband, that would make sense.


----------



## Parttimehippie (Dec 23, 2017)

Lostinthought61 said:


> you did the right thing, package up the balls and give it to him, and tell he can replace his when he stops being a baby.


They should fall off in a week. If I find them in the pasture before the coyotes do, I will! Lol


----------



## Parttimehippie (Dec 23, 2017)

cheapie said:


> But, sometimes, I've found that all that is needed is to ask my husband's advice about something before I do it. Not that I'm asking his permission, but it's been my experience that men love being consulted about things. I will kind of approach it as "here's what I'm thinking about doing to solve this issue, what do you think?" We will talk it through, and often we go with my suggestion anyway, but that makes it feel like a joint solution. And sometimes he points out things that I hadn't thought of. I know that you told him your suggestion at the time, but he was upset at being kicked at the time....maybe if you'd brought it up when he was calmer, he would have felt more a part of it, I don't know.
> 
> With the firewood....was it something you had repeatedly asked him to do and he put off?
> 
> ...


Thank you for that advice, sincerely. Maybe with a little preplanning, I can ask for advice beforehand and maybe inspire him to step in (because at this point he knows I'll just do whatever I'm going to do regardless of his participation)

And as far as firewood; he has ALWAYS gotten us wood. And the permit for thr land he hunts on allowed people to take 5 CORDS PER YEAR. I asked a few times if we can go in and get wood, but I always got an excuse like "we don't have a flatbed trailer" or "I'm too busy." Then BAM, it was October and middle of hunting season. So I found some local wood and went and got it. Its crap wood, but burning ok. I already put in an order with some high school kids for wood next year. And know where I can harvest my own. And we have 2 local rental places that have flatbed trailers. But I will follow your advice and let him know ahead of time.


----------



## Parttimehippie (Dec 23, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> What is this fool - 12 years old?
> 
> Stop catering to the man-child. Assuaging his pitiful ego is *not* your responsibility.


I needed to hear that!!
And no, he is 41.


----------



## Parttimehippie (Dec 23, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> And if red dog had any actual evidence that the OP has spent tears breaking down her husband, that would make sense.


I've been nice, but probably too nice. I'm happy pack lunches for work and fishing/hunting trips, wash the muddy/bloody/hairy/fishy clothes he brings home, tell everyone how well he keeps the freezers stocked, encourage him, regularly cook for his crew, help his family, the list goes on. But I do expect him to do guy stuff like chop wood and mow the yard sometimes.


----------



## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

You did not emasculate your husband, his actions
show he probably already was. A strong minded, 
strong willed, smart thinking woman who can take 
care of herself is great/sexy. Must be why I married 
one. She is a keeper!! 

He should be thrilled you can take care of yourself
if he isn't around. Can he take care of himself if you
are gone? I can, cooking everything else. It is called 
working together for the betterment of both people.


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

@Parttimehippie

You did nothing wrong, but there is something going on w/ your husband that is deeper than you can perceive. Maybe it's a "mid-life crisis" or he's having self-doubts about what he's accomplished in life. I'd suggest keep on taking care of business when need be and ride it out. You could try speaking with him about it but that's likely a hard thing for him to recognize and may be a fruitless discussion. If, in the future, it turns into an intolerable situation then leave.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Was it possibly a poorly worded sarcastic "joke" more than some deeper issue?

Context might lead one to think so.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Parttimehippie said:


> .....I texted Mr to let him know we didn't need to pay for a farm call. He responded with "Well I guess your better then me. Good job. I'll just hang it up you don't need me for anything you've proven your point." I saved us $120+ for a vet visit and we would have still had to secure the calf! *I really did not mean to take away two sets of balls today*, but I knew that my idea would have worked, and would have worked yesterday as well. When he came home later, I had the house clean, and dinner on the table, *but he wouldn't speak to me and went straight to bed.
> *
> This isn't the first time I've done things like this. Last fall, he didn't get us any firewood, so I bought 2 cord, loaded it, hauled it, and stacked it. I don't mean to emasculate him at all, but sometimes **** needs done. *I am aware that his self esteem is low (he is a bit tubby, bad knee, and balding)*, and this isn't helping but I'm not going to be cold and we already have a bull.
> 
> ...


I sort of agree with Red Dog, in that there is probably much more going on than is posted.

Is he being being a bit childish and pouting? Yes. Is his ego fragile and not that of a strong, fully integrated man? Yes.

So what should you do differently?

For one, you might want to figure out some way that the two of you can build your marriage and relationship. Figure out a way to strengthen your communications. I would strongly recommend that the only texting you should do with your H, is sexting! Texting important important stuff is kind of rude and really limits hearing tone of voice and emotions. 

You know he is feeling old and less worthwhile. Did he go hunting last fall? Is his knee and other things keeping him from hunting and getting wood? If so his excuses might have been him not wanting to confront his aging, more than his being lazy about getting firewood. *So what have YOU DONE to reassure him that as the two of you age, you still love, admire and need him?
*

You discussed that he hurt his hand. How badly was it hurt and did that scare him? Maybe he realizes how fragile health really is and wanted to protect you from any possible injury like he saw. Are there any close friends of his or relatives who were badly hurt and have lived lives of invalids? My wife's grandfather, fell off a roof (while repairing it) and was paralyzed and lived miserable life. She will not allow me on our roof. I accept her fears. Do you accept or even know his fears?

So when he said "you proved your point, you don't need me for anything" what do you think he was really saying? He is your husband and so you probably know what he meant better than anyone else. Maybe you have been doing more and more of "what he views as his job" around the farm. If so, maybe you should site down with him and discuss, which are the chores that he likes to do, which are the once that he would rather spend money on hiring out, and which are ones in that second list that you might be willing to do. 

Also why not establish a "fun fund" and put the $120 that would have gone to the vet, in the jar. Talk about what the two of you should do when the fun fund gets large enough for say travel expenses to visit someplace warn in the winter or where relatives live. Or go on a local spending spree or allow him to buy something "fun" that the both of you can do.

Part of what I sense is that the two of you are aging and that he is threatened by this and by your taking over more of the farm. He probably has some real fears that he is projecting. You probably have played into those fears by your actions.

Sit down with him and talk about what happened, and how you didn't want to hurt his feelings. Tell him that he is your favorite breeding bull and you want his love, lust and happiness. You might even smile and tell him that you have proven yourself to be a real castrating Bi**h, and you don't want him to think of you like that, but that you just want to worship his big ones


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Sheesh... I would know what I would say if you were my W and did the deed to the bull. "Don't let me piss you off because I might find myself in the same position as Bob! Nice work!"


----------



## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Bad knees (plural for me) bad back, and chubby.
Probably more on the fatter side. That describes 
me. I am young at heart however!! 

I don't think it should be a case of you
needing him but rather wanting him in your life.
Needing means dependent, wanting means loving and
sharing your life with him. Regardless of aging, and anything else. 
And taking care of each other. 

I am thankful everyday my wife decided to share her life with me.
And that she still tolerates me.
Talk to him and show him how much he means to you.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

A guy who always gets the firewood for the farm and then doesn't but has time to go hunting. A guy who throws himself a pity party because his spouse did something good is looking for a justification for something. Now, what could that be? At 41, he's in prime time for being susceptible to the charms of another.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I'm just going to say it. The idea that the OP should twist herself into pretzels and micro analyze everything she does for this man's sake is ridiculous. I'm sorry, you just have to be a certain type of man to work this hard to make it the wife's fault.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Sorry, I don't detect anything bad in the original post. This isn't about anything the original poster did wrong.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She only bobbed Bob. 

That's no big deal. Well, except maybe for Bob.

Do you have a special elastic band gun like sheep farmers use?

I helped on a sheep farm once, that's what they used.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

sa58 said:


> Bad knees (plural for me) bad back, and chubby.
> Probably more on the fatter side. That describes
> me. I am young at heart however!!
> 
> ...


Great post. :smile2:


----------



## Parttimehippie (Dec 23, 2017)

@MattMatt, 
Yes. They looks like a pair of o-ring pliers. He didn't flinch when I put it on, but was upset about being tied up.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Marriage is not a competition. We need to treat each other with respect and kindness, not be wanting to always do better than them or win points. 
The fact that he said something about you having proved your point, you don't need him is so telling and shows that this is an ongoing issue of you trying to show him and prove to yourself that you don't need him, and probably telling him that as well. That's very demeaning for a spouse to hear and think that of themselves. 
We all want to be needed and wanted, maybe he has just given up trying hence his trips out hunting.


----------



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Unless you were purposefully trying to show him up, and the two of you have something going on between you that you are constantly trying to prove that you are better than him just because you are a woman, you didn't emasculate him.

If that is not the case, ask yourself this: 

1. Had your teenage son done what you did, would your husband have been angry with him?

2. Had a male ranch hand done it, would your husband been angry with him?

If the answer to both questions is 'no' then it is clear that your husband is insecure about his masculinity, or threatened by you.

Your husband should have been excited and praised you. He could have said something like, "Well, little lady! We've got to get you a taller horse and a new saddle now so you can work right beside me!"

If I were you, I'd have a talk with him and tell him that you are not going to hide your courage and abilities to make him feel better. He had better get used to the fact that you are just as capable as he is or the two of you are going to be having more talks.

You saved him $120. He owes you a big hug and gratitude.

Related story: Our children's guinea pigs got a horrible disease from a Petsmart guinea pig that caused them to get puss filled cysts on their heads, necks, cheeks, etc. It was either cull the entire herd as Petsmart's vet suggested since the disease was very contageous, or lance and clean them ourselves, since we couldn't afford $100 to the vet every time they got a cyst. I lanced and cleaned out the cysts myself, and it was very stressful because the piggies were always afraid, and the initial cut would hurt them. When piggies are afraid, or hurt they scream. I think those procedures took years off my life, as I was the designated 'surgeon.' I really hated doing it because of the piggies' fear while I was doing it. (BTW, we saved their lives instead of culling them. and only had to put down a couple of piggies because they got cysts inside their chests.)

One day my 11 year old (at the time) daughter called me on the phone when I was doing errands and told me that she discovered a cyst on the cheek of her sister's piggie, and she lanced and cleaned it herself instead of waiting for me to get home so I could do it. I was so thankful to her! One cyst that I didn't have to clean out! I didn't feel usurped, I was proud that she had the courage to do it since she had watched me do it several times to different piggies.

Your husband has a problem and he needs to stop being threated by your courage, initiative and abilities.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> I'm just going to say it. The idea that the OP should twist herself into pretzels and micro analyze everything she does for this man's sake is ridiculous. I'm sorry, you just have to be a certain type of man to work this hard to make it the wife's fault.


 Agreed.

The 43-paragraph post upthread about how these two need to build their marriage and suggesting the OP should be assuring him how much she loves and admires him etc. etc. etc. is just* SO* over the top. OP, while you're doing all that and jumping around like a trained seal pandering to this man-child, I think you should _also_ shove a broom up your butt so you can sweep the house while you're doing it.

Sorry, but his frail little ego being bruised because his wife took care of business *doesn't *necessitate a freakin' trip to Retrouvaille so these two can rediscover their marriage. Good lord.


----------



## Parttimehippie (Dec 23, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> I'm just going to say it. The idea that the OP should twist herself into pretzels and micro analyze everything she does for this man's sake is ridiculous. I'm sorry, you just have to be a certain type of man to work this hard to make it the wife's fault.


And thats why I came here. For honesty and raw answers. And I thank you for that. To some degree, I need to consider his feelings. What kind of partner would I be if I didn't? And if I go down that road of not considering his feelings, why would be bother to consider mine at all? 

Now that I write that, I realize that he didn't, but I shouldn't give up. I know I can't fix him or his self esteem issue, but I need to carry on with my duties and maybe get some advice on how not to get into this situation again. I don't want to get to the point where we are cold and distant to each other over things like this.


----------



## Parttimehippie (Dec 23, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Marriage is not a competition. We need to treat each other with respect and kindness, not be wanting to always do better than them or win points.
> The fact that he said something about you having proved your point, you don't need him is so telling and shows that this is an ongoing issue of you trying to show him and prove to yourself that you don't need him, and probably telling him that as well. That's very demeaning for a spouse to hear and think that of themselves.
> We all want to be needed and wanted, maybe he has just given up trying hence his trips out hunting.


I certainly don't intend to be competitive. But I also know good and well its easier to steer a 2 month old calf, rather than a 6 month old. And we had all summer to gather wood and let it dry before winter, but all I got was excuses. I've already given up on him doing anything in the house, and now the few things he did outside are on the decline. I cannot let things like cleaning gutters, mowing, and fixing fence not get done. And I don't care to be a nagging hag either, so I'm feeling a bit stuck.


----------



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Parttimehippie said:


> I certainly don't intend to be competitive. But I also know good and well its easier to steer a 2 month old calf, rather than a 6 month old. And we had all summer to gather wood and let it dry before winter, but all I got was excuses. I've already given up on him doing anything in the house, and now the few things he did outside are on the decline. I cannot let things like cleaning gutters, mowing, and fixing fence not get done. And I don't care to be a nagging hag either, so I'm feeling a bit stuck.


Hire out what he won't do. You have $120 to go toward something now.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Lostinthought61 said:


> you did the right thing, package up the balls and give it to him, and tell he can replace his when he stops being a baby.





Parttimehippie said:


> They should fall off in a week. If I find them in the pasture before the coyotes do, I will! Lol


It would probably be wise to remove the firearms from the property before acting on this questionable advice.


----------



## Parttimehippie (Dec 23, 2017)

Mr. Nail said:


> Lostinthought61 said:
> 
> 
> > you did the right thing, package up the balls and give it to him, and tell he can replace his when he stops being a baby.
> ...


Rest assured that we are responsible, sensible gun owners. 🙂


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It looks like things haven't improved any since your April, 2018 thread. Why are you so desperate to hang on to this guy?


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Parttimehippie said:


> And thats why I came here. For honesty and raw answers. And I thank you for that. To some degree, I need to consider his feelings. What kind of partner would I be if I didn't? And if I go down that road of not considering his feelings, why would be bother to consider mine at all?
> 
> Now that I write that, I realize that he didn't, but I shouldn't give up. I know I can't fix him or his self esteem issue, but I need to carry on with my duties and maybe get some advice on how not to get into this situation again. I don't want to get to the point where we are cold and distant to each other over things like this.


I went back to your April thread after reading Blondilock's post about things back in April, and found a thread with a very long initial post from you but you never came back to the thread to answer those who took the time to respond to you.

This guy is a* mess*. He's grossly overweight, paranoid, underemployed, *jealous of you *(because you're SO much better than he is and he knows it), he purposely sets out to try to make you fail because he's such an underachiever, tried his best to thwart you when you were getting your college degree (but he sure has NO problem letting *you* bring home the bacon and pay for the majority of the bills _because _of that degree and because he's an underachiever with a minimally paying job), he continually accused you of cheating when you were out studying to get your degree, acts like a petulant 8 year old child who purposely does his best to leave messes around the house and will rant and rave at you if you DARE to ask his lazy ass to bring out the garbage, he's a lazy ass because he won't lift a finger to do a damned thing at home and thinks it's all YOUR responsibility even though you also pay most of the bills,he's an uninvolved parent who can't stand dealing with his small child unless he/she is being quiet and watching TV with him, and he expects YOU to do everything *for* his fat, lazy ass except chew his food for him - because God knows, that's the ONE thing he does with gusto.

Unless this ass-wipe has been hit by lightening and he's now NONE of the utterly repulsive things I listed above *which I got from your April post*, my only question would be, why the HELL are you trying to pander to this fool?


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I went back to your April thread after reading Blondilock's post about things back in April, and found a thread with a very long initial post from you but you never came back to the thread to answer those who took the time to respond to you.
> 
> This guy is a* mess*. He's grossly overweight, paranoid, underemployed, *jealous of you *(because you're SO much better than he is and he knows it), he purposely sets out to try to make you fail because he's such an underachiever, tried his best to thwart you when you were getting your college degree (but he sure has NO problem letting *you* bring home the bacon and pay for the majority of the bills _because _of that degree and because he's an underachiever with a minimally paying job), he continually accused you of cheating when you were out studying to get your degree, acts like a petulant 8 year old child who purposely does his best to leave messes around the house and will rant and rave at you if you DARE to ask his lazy ass to bring out the garbage, he's a lazy ass because he won't lift a finger to do a damned thing at home and thinks it's all YOUR responsibility even though you also pay most of the bills,he's an uninvolved parent who can't stand dealing with his small child unless he/she is being quiet and watching TV with him, and he expects YOU to do everything *for* his fat, lazy ass except chew his food for him - because God knows, that's the ONE thing he does with gusto.
> 
> Unless this ass-wipe has been hit by lightening and he's now NONE of the utterly repulsive things I listed above *which I got from your April post*, my only question would be, why the HELL are you trying to pander to this fool?


Hee-hee. Did you notice who 'liked' your post on that April thread? Yep, ol' Red Dog's headmate himself.


----------



## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Part, I don't think you did anything wrong, but from his reaction, it seems like something else is going on. I'd bet he's in some kind of crisis he hasn't told you about.


----------



## SeattleWill (Aug 8, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> Parttimehippie said:
> 
> 
> > .....I texted Mr to let him know we didn't need to pay for a farm call. He responded with "Well I guess your better then me. Good job. I'll just hang it up you don't need me for anything you've proven your point." I saved us $120+ for a vet visit and we would have still had to secure the calf! *I really did not mean to take away two sets of balls today*, but I knew that my idea would have worked, and would have worked yesterday as well. When he came home later, I had the house clean, and dinner on the table, *but he wouldn't speak to me and went straight to bed.
> ...


A fantastic post with some really good advice. At 59 I (sadly) see much of the issues you mentioned in myself.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I think letting your husband know how important he is to you and finding ways to admire him is a good idea. However, I do not think falling on your sword as some here are suggesting is a good idea. You did nothing wrong. And he responded to your doing nothing wrong by being pretty ugly and snarky. If he wants understanding, he needs to not be a jerk.


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> I think letting your husband know how important he is to you and finding ways to admire him is a good idea. However, I do not think falling on your sword as some here are suggesting is a good idea. You did nothing wrong. And he responded to your doing nothing wrong by being pretty ugly and snarky.* If he wants understanding, he needs to not be a jerk.*


 My guess is he doesn't realize he "wants" understanding and being a jerk is the result of his insecurity, so without some self-awareness and some comfort in his worth he's not going to change.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> My guess is he doesn't realize he "wants" understanding and being a jerk is the result of his insecurity, so without some self-awareness and some comfort in his worth he's not going to change.


This may be true. One has to ask, however, considering how he is choosing to treat his wife, is it HER responsibility to be responsible for his mental state?

For example, if a woman went off because a man's folding of her laundry made her "feel fat," would we be asking him to twist himself into a pretzel because it was his job to make her feel better about her body?

I'll get realer. In my previous marriage, I knew I wasn't as meticulous a housekeeper as my ex's mom. I felt insecure about it. So for awhile, if I was feeling insecure and he decided to wash dishes that I had left in the sink, I'd get upset about how he must think i am a failure blah blah blah.

Guess what? That wasn't HIS problem. It was mine. He was being helpful. I was being a baby.


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> This may be true. One has to ask, however, considering how he is choosing to treat his wife, *is it HER responsibility to be responsible for his mental state*?


 Absolutely not ... unless she/he did it knowing that would be his/her reaction, which obviously was not the case in OP's situation ... so absolutely not.
My point was I don't see him changing anytime soon.


----------



## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

IDK, I've experienced this phenomena with a couple different men in relationships over the years and I really don't have any patience for it. Regarding Bob's balls -- I think your H should be saying "Well done! That's my girl! She's with me!" not sulking around.

As for the firewood, I'm sure it ticked him off because he knew you got tired of waiting for him to do it but what were you supposed to do? He should be mad at himself, not you. If a guy wants to be the hero, he needs to step up and be the hero! Not get impatient and give up right away when things don't go smoothly.

Yes you should have texted him because how else would he have known not to call the vet out? Now if you said "I told you so!" or said something snarky about how easy it was once he was out of the way, that would merit him getting upset. As long as you didn't do that, I would not apologize. I don't know what to do about his sensitivity/low self esteem, but I don't think acting like you were wrong to handle something would be productive long term.



Parttimehippie said:


> --It was time to chop Bob's balls off.
> 
> --Well get a rubber band around them so they fall off in a week or so.
> 
> ...


----------



## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> The fact that he said something about you having proved your point, you don't need him is so telling and shows that this is an ongoing issue of you trying to show him and prove to yourself that you don't need him, and probably telling him that as well. That's very demeaning for a spouse to hear and think that of themselves.
> We all want to be needed and wanted, maybe he has just given up trying hence his trips out hunting.


I disagree. The fact that he SAID that only means that is how HE chose to perceive it. It doesn't mean she actually did that. It sounds to me more like he has an inferiority complex. 

We do all want to be needed and wanted. But does that mean that she should pretend to be less capable than she is (and incur expensive vet bills) so that he doesn't feel bad about himself? I mean that as a serious question.


----------

