# Wife tells me when guys check her out!?



## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

Not sure what to think about this one. She had to tell me today when a few young high school students were checking here out. I was there when it happened, but why so inclined to let me know?
I'm constantly telling her how sexy she is and she knows how much I'm in to her physically. Besides, I kind of like it when guys check her out. Just don't respond to it, especially in front of me!

What kind of sh*t test is this then?

I responded [laughing] by saying they must've been checking out your shirt...and not to let your head swell too much.

Is this mature behavior for a woman in her mid forties? I guess that's a rhetorical question.

She obviously loves the attention, and I suspect trying to make me jealous. But why?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Where is she on the self esteem continuum?

Is she too fabulous for words or does she dodge compliments?

Obviously this is in degrees.

I was just curious how SHE sees herself.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I get the opposite. My wife tells me when women check me out.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

Her self esteem is very low, and she usually dodges compliments from me.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> I get the opposite. My wife tells me when women check me out.


My wife does that too and she does get quite jealous.


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

I was often oblivious to other men's glances or peeks until my husband started mentioning to me how he'd notice their double takes. Whether its at a party , mall , bbq or even like at the Baptism we attended a few weeks ago. 

It is an ego booster and i figured he was letting me know about this more so to encourage me for all the hard work i've done in the past year at the gym. 

Having two boys in recent years had not been easy for me to get back into the shape i wanted to be in but im happy to say that im looking sexier than ever in my opinion of course


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Chumpless said:


> She obviously loves the attention, and I suspect trying to make me jealous. But why?


Jealousy is a sign of commitment. Also, women love drama. And your wife probably doesn't have a long lost twin sister who will show up and tell her that she was switched at birth and her biological parents are actually billionaire, pirate captain, vampires. So, some leering from teenage boys will have to suffice. It's a mid-40's, responsible women's version of a harmless love triangle.

Just brush it off as you have and all should be well.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> I get the opposite. My wife tells me when women check me out.


Mine too, and she points out attractive women for my viewing pleasure. I do the same for her.

Unfortunately, OP, your situation does not sound healthy. She is trying to make you jealous, or somehow feels that she needs to remind you that she is attractive and has options. The why of it is the unknown, and probably the key to resolving this, if there is a resolution.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

shes hinting that she feels you don't think shes sexy anymore.
turn up the compliments and start flirting more with her.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> ...or somehow feels that she needs to* remind you that she* is attractive and *has options*.


I think you may be right. She has felt threatened of me leaving her several times in the past year.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> shes hinting that she feels you don't think shes sexy anymore.
> turn up the compliments and start flirting more with her.


Actually, funny thing is this episode happened only minutes after I told her her how sexy she looked. Hmmm...


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Flip it. 

Start telling her when she gets checked out. Or hell, tell her she gets checked out even if she doesn't.

She's looking for validation, beyond you telling her she's sexy, which she can/may be filing under 'oh, he wants to get laid'.

I do this as common practice in dating.

We will be somewhere, restaurant, bar, event, and my partner will get up to go to the restroom. When she comes back I ask, "Are you aware of when you get checked out?"

Always makes for interesting conversation. And I usually point out the fact that she indeed got checked out by two or three guys. And it's always true. Has never NOT put a smile on their face.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> Jealousy is a sign of commitment. Also, women love drama. And your wife probably doesn't have a long lost twin sister who will show up and tell her that she was switched at birth and her biological parents are actually billionaire, pirate captain, vampires. So, some leering from teenage boys will have to suffice. It's a mid-40's, responsible women's version of a harmless love triangle.
> 
> Just brush it off as you have and all should be well.


With such a low opinion you have of women and the dismissive way you respond...my sympathies to your wife.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Chumpless said:


> I think you may be right. She has felt threatened of me leaving her several times in the past year.


Why has she felt that way?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Chumpless said:


> Not sure what to think about this one. She had to tell me today when a few young high school students were checking here out. I was there when it happened, but why so inclined to let me know?
> I'm constantly telling her how sexy she is and she knows how much I'm in to her physically. Besides, I kind of like it when guys check her out. Just don't respond to it, especially in front of me!
> 
> What kind of sh*t test is this then?
> ...


If this was a sh!t test, and I dispute that, you just failed it rather miserably.

She got validated by those boys checking her out. A woman in her 40's getting checked out by high school boys...total validation that age hasn't yet caught up with her, that she's still got it.

Next opportunity, VALIDATE her beauty and agelessness by saying something like, "Of course they're checking you out! You are hot!"


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Anon Pink said:


> Next opportunity, VALIDATE her beauty and agelessness by saying something like, "Of course they're checking you out! You are hot!"


Exactly.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Anon Pink said:


> If this was a sh!t test, and I dispute that, you just failed it rather miserably.
> 
> She got validated by those boys checking her out. A woman in her 40's getting checked out by high school boys...total validation that age hasn't yet caught up with her, that she's still got it.
> 
> Next opportunity, VALIDATE her beauty and agelessness by saying something like, "Of course they're checking you out! You are hot!"


How does one dispute that its a sh!t test. Tell someone they failed and then tell them how to pass the next time? Be a woman that's how.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> If this was a sh!t test, and I dispute that, you just failed it rather miserably.
> ...
> Next opportunity, VALIDATE her beauty and agelessness by saying something like, "Of course they're checking you out! You are hot!"


I tell her just about every day how hot she is. Why should I tell her again right after disrespecting me?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Kobo said:


> How does one dispute that its a sh!t test. Tell someone they failed and then tell them how to pass the next time? Be a woman that's how.


I was framing my response in a language the OP seemed most comfortable with. My intent was not to dispute the sh!t test theory, but to illuminate a better response based on a woman's POV.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Chumpless said:


> I tell her just about every day how hot she is. Why should I tell her again right after disrespecting me?


I don't see where she disrespected you. She pointed out to you that young men were checking her out...she could have been intending for you to more fully appreciate her attractiveness? She could have intended for you to posture like a gorilla to make her feel safer? She could have been expressing utter surprise that young men were checking her out, and again for a woman in her 40's that is a high compliment indeed. Maybe she has been noticing age creeping in and wanted you to validate the agelessness of her attractiveness in particular? I still don't see where she disrespected you. 

I do see where you mistook her comment as a challenge that your compliments aren't good enough. As a 50 year old woman I can tel you that age brings uncertainty to women. Men age wonderfully with little effort. You don't see car commercials with women in the 40's looking all sexy to sell a car but you do see men in their 50's looking very sexy to sell a car. This is but one example of how our culture makes a woman's age feel like an absolute cut off point for attractiveness. It's not that you don't see her as beautiful, she wonders if she has reached that unnamed cut off point yet. This had, IMO, nothing to do with you and everything to do with her internal insecurities.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I don't see where she disrespected you.


She was gloating about it, and it ticked me off a little.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> This had, IMO, nothing to do with you and everything to do with her internal insecurities.


Thanks. That could be it.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Is she a good woman? Does she treat you well? Respect you? Love you? If you answer yes to those questions then let her have her little ego boost and feel lucky. Think how you feel when she tell you that she saw a woman checking you out. Makes you feel pretty damn good doesn't it? Come on man, everybody needs to feel good about themselves once in a while. It's nice to here that you compliment your wife, but when she see's that some high schoolers are checking out her wiggle, it should make you feel good too.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

6301 said:


> Is she a good woman? Does she treat you well? Respect you? Love you?


She's lacking on the affection front. Say's she loves me, but I rarely feel it. So, I guess that's why I felt a little ticked.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Chumpless said:


> She's lacking on the affection front. Say's she loves me, but I rarely feel it. So, I guess that's why I felt a little ticked.


Now this makes more sense. I completely understand how lack of affection makes a person feel unloved, or not appreciated, or simply not loved and appreciated enough.

It might be a good idea to try to identify specifics of ways she can communicate her love for you in ways that are meaningful for YOU! For instance, my husband hates to shop for clothing. I know this so I do all his clothing shopping for him, he never has to set foot in the store except for suits. I always thought this communicated my love for him but evidently I was wrong. This is way down on his list. Even though he is not affectionate to me, it was important to him that I be affectionate to him; that I initiate affection. By reaching for his hand, by sitting next to him and cuddling up to him. Odd dynamic because usually we communicate love in the ways that we receive love... But now I see that it was my naturally touchy feely affectionate nature that attracted him in the first place. 

Try *5 Love Languages *or *His needs Her needs* to help kick start this kind of communication with your wife.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

*Re: Re: Wife tells me when guys check her out!?*



Chumpless said:


> She was gloating about it, and it ticked me off a little.


You could have diffused the whole thing simply by saying, "I can't blame them."

On second thought I need more context. How are you guys doing outside of this event?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Anon Pink said:


> With such a low opinion you have of women and the dismissive way you respond...my sympathies to your wife.


Easy there, snowflake. To the contrary. I love women. I love them for their strengths and I love them for their weaknesses.

Personally, I don't consider the love of drama to be a strength or a weakness. I just recognize that it exists. You're denying that women love drama? It is to laugh.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

Deejo said:


> You could have diffused the whole thing simply by saying, "I can't blame them."
> 
> On second thought I need more context. How are you guys doing outside of this event?


Well, she was gloating about it before I said anything. There's nothing to diffuse but my own thoughts.

Things are OK, but need work. She says she wants more quality time before she can offer me the affection I want. I have a tough time buying into this though.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Chumpless said:


> Well, she was gloating about it before I said anything. There's nothing to diffuse but my own thoughts.
> 
> Things are OK, but need work*. She says she wants more quality time before she can offer me the affection I want. I have a tough time buying into this though.*


*This* is exactly what the book HNHN's covers.
You WILL 'get it' by the end of the book.

She, in return, will 'get' just what sex and respect mean to man.

I had so many moments where i just had to put the book down and absorb the information but really it all made such good sense. Once I knew it, of course 

It really is a great book for helping couples understand each other.

It sounds like neither of you are getting your needs met and it sounds like resentment is growing *on both sides*.

Once you've read the book...the MB website is full of more information. I just stay away from the message boards...their a tough crowd!


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I wouldn't worry about it. I think this is pretty harmless stuff. I actually like it when people check out my wife, it makes me happy to know that other guys think my old lady is nice looking. 

On the flip side my wife absolutely loves it when one of her friends comments that they think I'm good looking. Every time this happens I grin because I know its going to be a good night. Its like she wants to show me that what I've got at home is better than anything I could get anywhere else. Getting checked out by the opposite sex actually enhances our relationship.

I know that a lot of folks may think that getting complimented by the right individual could lead to infidelity, but I honestly think that the overwhelming majority of married people can take a compliment without dropping their pants.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> I wouldn't worry about it. I think this is pretty harmless stuff. I actually like it when people check out my wife, it makes me happy to know that other guys think my old lady is nice looking.
> 
> On the flip side my wife absolutely loves it when one of her friends comments that they think I'm good looking. Every time this happens I grin because I know its going to be a good night. Its like she wants to show me that what I've got at home is better than anything I could get anywhere else. Getting checked out by the opposite sex actually enhances our relationship.
> 
> I know that a lot of folks may think that getting complimented by the right individual could lead to infidelity, but I honestly think that the overwhelming majority of married people can take a compliment without dropping their pants.


And that my friend is exactly the place I want to be.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> Easy there, snowflake. To the contrary. *I love women. I love them for their strengths and I love them for their weaknesses.*
> 
> Personally, I don't consider the love of drama to be a strength or a weakness. I just recognize that it exists. You're denying that women love drama? It is to laugh.


Me thinks he doth protest too much. Me thinks he hasn't a clue.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I wouldn't worry about it. I think this is pretty harmless stuff. I actually like it when people check out my wife, it makes me happy to know that other guys think my old lady is nice looking.
> 
> On the flip side my wife absolutely loves it when one of her friends comments that they think I'm good looking. Every time this happens I grin because I know its going to be a good night. Its like she wants to show me that what I've got at home is better than anything I could get anywhere else. Getting checked out by the opposite sex actually enhances our relationship.
> 
> *I know that a lot of folks may think that getting complimented by the right individual could lead to infidelity, but I honestly think that the overwhelming majority of married people can take a compliment without dropping their pants.*



Otherwise I'd be bare ass nekid at inconvenient times, as would a lot of women.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

We had a very similar experience (40+ wife 'checked out' by teenagers who also made comments about her being 'hot', M1LF, etc').

This made her day and she told me about it later. I did not feel disrespected by this. It happened and it was significant to her so I'm happy she felt comfortable enough to tell me. I'm sure she also told some of her friends so why wouldn't I want her to tell me?

She's always been cute (and still is) so through her life getting attention from guys has not been unusual. Although she looks far younger than her age, the occurrences of random flirts or attention from guys I'm sure has diminished due to having a child in tow, less interaction with single people. So getting this kind of attention shows her that she hasn't 'lost it' and still has appeal.

I don't mind at all. One time we were in a place with a guy who would give her lingering looks every time she got up. She did not notice but later I told her and it made her feel good. She also liked that I noticed and that it excited me a bit too.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Does she tell you when men check her out in general, or was it just the high school boys she told you about? I've had much younger men check me out, and found it rather amusing, and had I been with my SO at the time, I might have had a chuckle with him over the absurdity of it!

If she's telling you that other _men_ are checking her out, however, I'd say it's possible that she has self-esteem issues and is perhaps looking for validation from you.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Cosmos said:


> Does she tell you when men check her out in general, or was it just the high school boys she told you about? I've had much younger men check me out, and found it rather amusing, and had I been with my SO at the time, I might have had a chuckle with him over the absurdity of it!
> 
> If she's telling you that other _men_ are checking her out, however, I'd say it's possible that she has self-esteem issues and is perhaps looking for validation from you.


In my case, she does not tell me regularly if/when people check her out. I agree that it would be annoying and indicative of a self-esteem issue if she constantly told me every time a guy looked at her. In this case, she felt both amused and flattered


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I think deejo has the right idea. 

Don't let this go completely. Remember to take care of her needs the best you can. She is at a critical stage of her life. You need to be aware of that and do the best you can.

Depending on the woman, you could be looking at someone who is telling you that she is attractive to other men and you are attractive to other women. Meaning, I'm leaving. You will get over me. It is so subtle, it cannot be perceived readily. Do not let your guard down. I am NOT saying this is what she is doing. I do not know her. Only you can be somewhat certain. Even then, it's tough to tell in most cases unless you have solid evidence. 

Good luck. You sound like for the most part, your marriage is fine. I just don't want you to be blind to possibilities. Take care.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

WyshIknew said:


> I get the opposite. My wife tells me when women check me out.



Yeah, my fiance has remarked on that as well. Noticing other men checking me out finally made him stop with the snarky age related comments (influenced by his exEA who was 21 years my junior).


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I know you said you are completely physically attracted to her, but I don't think she is feeling it. 

Essentially she is telling you that other people want to be with her, and you don't appreciate what you have. 

What is her love language?


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> I wouldn't worry about it. I think this is pretty harmless stuff. I actually like it when people check out my wife, it makes me happy to know that other guys think my old lady is nice looking.
> 
> On the flip side my wife absolutely loves it when one of her friends comments that they think I'm good looking. Every time this happens I grin because I know its going to be a good night. Its like she wants to show me that what I've got at home is better than anything I could get anywhere else. Getting checked out by the opposite sex actually enhances our relationship.
> 
> I know that a lot of folks may think that getting complimented by the right individual could lead to infidelity, but I honestly think that the overwhelming majority of married people can take a compliment without dropping their pants.


I had a funny thing happen over a a pic of my husband.
A friend's niece & I were looking at my FB pics, she wanted to see if I knew any cute guys she could meet.
When she saw a pic of my H with two other guys, she pointed to my H & said she thought he was hot.
Keep in mind he's 37, looks about 30, the other guys were 25 & she's 18.
My friend says to her, "sorry, that's her husband", the poor thing was so embarrassed I almost felt sorry for her but it did make me feel good good because my H is pretty damn hot. 
My H loves to tell the stories about other women hitting on me, lol. 

To the OP, I can't say for certain why your wife told you she was getting checked out.
How does it make you feel when men check her out, whether you notice or she tells you?


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Chumpless said:


> Well, she was gloating about it before I said anything. There's nothing to diffuse but my own thoughts.
> 
> Things are OK, but need work. S*he says she wants more quality time before she can offer me the affection I want. I have a tough time buying into this though.*


Someone needs to make a move first to improve the marriage and meet each other's needs. If it's not her, why not you?

You both know where each other wants improvement in the marriage, be the bigger person and give her quality time. It's not like you have anything to lose. It might result in more affection from her and if not, then it's not like it'll result in less than what you're getting now.


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## DaveWalters (Aug 26, 2013)

Translation:

"I got some flirtatious male attention today, and it made me feel young and desirable. How come you don't make me feel that way?"


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Anon Pink said:


> Me thinks he doth protest too much. Me thinks he hasn't a clue.


:rofl: Good point. I'm not sure why I thought that women love drama. When I step back and look at books, television, and movies geared toward female audiences, coupled with interactions with most of the women I've ever known, well it's obvious that I jumped to the wrong conclusion.

Women are just men with breasts. Most of them love a good kung fu movie just as much as men do. And men love romantic chick flicks just as much as women do. In fact, I pledge never again to use the misogynistic term, "chick flick." And, I will vigorously correct any brute whom I overhear using such language that implies any differences between the sexes, whatsoever.

I'm now totally on board with all of you who insist that there are no differences between the sexes beyond genitalia. And, I want to apologize for my previous attitude, where I believed that men and women were different, but our differences complimented each other. Now that I'm much more sensitive and enlightened, I can see how offended women might get at the notion that their brains work differently than men's brains, just because a bunch of misogynist scientists and their "studies" say so.

I will join in the chorus of voices ready to shout down anyone who dares to believe that women are anything more, or less, than a man with breasts.

Good enough? :smthumbup:


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

PHTlump said:


> :rofl: Good point. I'm not sure why I thought that women love drama. When I step back and look at books, television, and movies geared toward female audiences, coupled with interactions with most of the women I've ever known, well it's obvious that I jumped to the wrong conclusion.
> 
> Women are just men with breasts. Most of them love a good kung fu movie just as much as men do. And men love romantic chick flicks just as much as women do. In fact, I pledge never again to use the misogynistic term, "chick flick." And, I will vigorously correct any brute whom I overhear using such language that implies any differences between the sexes, whatsoever.
> 
> ...


WOW :scratchhead:

Don't you feel just a little bit silly after that!
You should...you came across as a right plonker!

I normally love your posts. I don't always agree with them but you express a mans opinion and view in a way that I treasure... the kind of posts that bring me back to TAM time and time again.

But the post that was being pointed out by 'Anon Pink' was nothing but a series of generalizations and stereotypical BS's.

There is no *one* type of woman...just like there is no *one* type of man.

You know this... I know this... everyone else know this...

I'm going to presume your having a bad day.... I hope it gets better for you.



Peace.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> :rofl: Good point. I'm not sure why I thought that women love drama. When I step back and look at books, television, and movies geared toward female audiences, coupled with interactions with most of the women I've ever known, well it's obvious that I jumped to the wrong conclusion.
> 
> Women are just men with breasts. Most of them love a good kung fu movie just as much as men do. And men love romantic chick flicks just as much as women do. In fact, I pledge never again to use the misogynistic term, "chick flick." And, I will vigorously correct any brute whom I overhear using such language that implies any differences between the sexes, whatsoever.
> 
> ...


A bit too dramatic  
You're not a woman without breasts .


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Strange, for me my STBX never cared about the attention of others and complained about the lack of attention from me.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Deejo said:


> You could have diffused the whole thing simply by saying, "I can't blame them."


I could have posted this thread. My mid-40's W is constantly telling me about other guys checking her out. From what I can tell, she has very low self-esteem. I give her compliments, and she dodges them.

It used to bother me, partially b/c the marriage is not so good. It took me years to figure it out, but Deejo's advice above is spot on. When she tells me about a guy checking her out, I usually respond, "Of course he is. You're a gorgeous woman." She usually dodges that, gets a kind of silly smile on her face and we move on.

Now...if I tell her a woman is checking me out, or if she sees it herself...WWIII.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Let her enjoy the attention. If hot young chicks were giving you the once-over, you would eat it up, too. 

Should she have said it to you? No, but maybe she is looking for a little attention and trying to spark something in you. Not sure about that because it's only a guess, but generally that may be the case. 

I was in a store with my wife and kids recently and this guy was checking her out. He didn't see me in the back of the pack and when we made eye contact and he figured it out, I just nodded to him and he did the same back. Mutual respect; no need to get pissed. 

When I brought it up to her, she had no idea what I was taking about. She didn't notice and I made sure to compliment her that she's still a piece of ass and attractive out there.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Actually, I think W telling me about men checking her out could be a good thing, like alerting me to potential turf invasion. When we're out she will often ask me what I think about that woman's ass or how about the rack on that one (her words)? Keeping it all out in the open.

My normal response: "Almost as good as yours."


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

What I'm picking up though from the OP and one or two other guys is the case of a wife not showing them the affection or sexual attention they would like. In the midst of that the wife likes to talk about guys on the street "checking her out" or strange guys flirting with her. Under those circumstances I think I'd have a few biting, smart [email protected]&$s responses in hand - as opposed to an ego stroke. Something like "oh good maybe you'd rather get your &[email protected]#&#@!! From them, since you don't want it from me"


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