# Is this relationship worth it?



## lonelysoulneedinganswers (Feb 25, 2010)

I have been in my relationship for 10 years. I have 2 children with him and 1 from as past relationship and he has 1 from a past relationship as well. 
Things were great at first but quickly began to slip. This was the man of my dreams,...smart, cute, funny and loving. It was a dream come true... for a short while.

We argue alot, or all the time is what he says. Most arguments are started by lack of communication and is definately something that can be worked on but I am not sure if he wants to work as it and I have been beat so far down that I can't take anymore. I feel I get no respect from him. He talks to his ex girlfriend about our relationship (but says he doesnt anymore). His ex has intentionally made sure she would put things out there like; "we spent special times together" or "who's he calling in the middle of the night, not you" but although she continue to cause friction, he still emails with her. When conflict comes up he gets in his truck and jets home to his parents, one day he says he loves me and the next he can't even look at me?? My yard looks like a junk yard because he is so disorganized and refuses to pick up after himself. 

I have always had the finger pointed at me, like I am the whole problem in this relationship. I got to start believing him and began to question my own sanity. I started taking medications for depression which lead into anxiety...so i went back to my doctor. What do ya know, but another pill YAY I started the extra pill and it overdosed my with seratonin and sent me into a psychosis. 

My husband, gave me money to go to my mom's and get the help I needed (detox from those because he couldn't help me so, home I went. My mom spent a couple of days very concerned about me, he told me he would take care of my animals and my girls and things would be fine. 

The day after I got there, he was packing my girls up to take them out of state and had all my animals up for free to whoever would take them. I talked him out of running off with my girls and staying there while I was detoxing... he agreed.

It seemed like when my day was good and I haven't called home to check on things is when he would blow out and start sending me divorce plans and such.

To fastforward a bit more till now.... this morning he packed up his things to move into his new apartment because he had to be closer to his job because his bosses are getting mad, not because we need space but this apartment is about 1 1/2 hrs away which is fine but he leaves me wondering.....

{Please note that we did see a counselor together monday eve and we both agreed we would like to work on it but how is he gonna work on anything by not dealing????

I don't understand....things are all mixed up in my head lately !

Thanks soo much for reading !


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You both need counseling. Consistent counseling where they give you tasks to complete. But honestly, I think you and your kids are better off without him and his manipulation.


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## lonelysoulneedinganswers (Feb 25, 2010)

I can say that the kids are noticably happier when he is gone, as well as I am. It feels like I can breathe... my 7yr old is suffering dearly right now and last night she cried and had fits of anger all night. I asked her repeatedly what's wrong, how can I help and all she could say was..I dont know?
It's sad but this is not the man I fell in love with and he's too proud to admit he ever needs help but..
he did say he will continue therapy which is great. I go religiously to therapy every other week for the last 4 months, it helps tons !

Is it me or does it seem that lots and lots of people are experiencing marital problems right now. I know the economy is hard but what happened to the 'partnership' idea, sicking together??

I am just frustrated because my girls are effected this bad. I am strong and good support from those you love goes a LOOOONG way ! 

Thankx!!


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## lonelysoulneedinganswers (Feb 25, 2010)

Can I ask you Tunera, 
How do you see him manipulating me or us? 
Just curious, I have my own thoughts but its good to always here others too.

Thankx again !


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Mind you, I don't know you guys, so I'm just inferring from what you wrote. So...
Things were great at first but _quickly began to slip_. ... It was a dream come true... for a short while.

We argue alot, or all the time is _what he says_. 

...I have been beat so far down that I can't take anymore. 

I feel I get no respect from him. 

He talks to his ex girlfriend about our relationship (but says he doesnt anymore). 

His ex has intentionally made sure she would put things out there ... he still emails with her. 

When conflict comes up he gets in his truck and jets home to his parents

one day he says he loves me and the next he can't even look at me

he ... refuses to pick up after himself. 

I have always had the finger pointed at me, like I am the whole problem in this relationship. 

I got to start believing him and began to question my own sanity. 

I started taking medications for depression 

he told me he would take care of my animals and my girls and things would be fine. ... The day after I got there, he was packing my girls up to take them out of state and had all my animals up for free to whoever would take them. 

...when ... I haven't called home to check on things is when he would blow out and start sending me divorce plans and such.

I can say that the kids are noticably happier when he is gone, as well as I am. It feels like I can breathe...

Of course, this could all just be the actions of a very immature man. One who was never taught to accept responsibility nor to admit mistakes. He seems very impulsive, emotional.

Only you know what he's really like. But from the little you've written, I just think you'd both benefit from direction from a professional who can spend time with you to get to know you and put you on the right path. He sounds like he wants to be with you, so that's half the battle. So work with that, and do what the professionals tell you.


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## lonelysoulneedinganswers (Feb 25, 2010)

I am definatly tying but it get frustrating at times. I am feeling pretty alone right now and a hug from him would mean the world to me..would make me know there was something there to fight harder for but he calls it 'affection under gun point'. 

I guess I will have to be patient and wait the long long wait to figure out if this is repairable or not.

What about this ex though..
Is it wrong to ask him to stop communicating with her? When she lost all his contacts, she went out of state (to New Mexico) to his parents house and told them she needed his info for job referral in such. The parents, totally believing her gave her email, address, and cell number. This was a year ago and they would talk on the phone occasionally but he alway told me "I never talk to that *****" but later said he hid it because he didn't want to her me complain...
Am I wrong to say she is not needed anymore?
He claims that "she is dumber then a bag a rocks, really needy, and he has no reason to talk to her" but he still receive occasional email and all her fwd emails. AND in the recent past wrote her stating "you will always be my friend" Does that sound OK? I was told its ok for him to have female friends but with an ex girlfriend? 

I feel she is a strain, can I ask her to leave? Is it right for me to tell her myself? I know in the past he said he told her to never contact him but the whole time emailed her behind my back. He also in the past said he will not tell her to go away because she is just a friend and im overreacting. on November 16th he told her not to call or text or email him and he says all he gets are mass emails or the fwd ones sent to her whole mail box. I know (from phone records) that they do not talk anymore. Do I believe it?

I am lost  Just looking for answers....


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Trying to control who he contacts will not work. Focus on yourself and learning to be ok with yourself, no matter what he does. You don't NEED him to survive. Once you lose the desperation, he may be more attracted to you, because you aren't chasing him around and hassling him about other women. And at any rate, you need to work on yourself and become happy with yourself, anyway.


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## lonelysoulneedinganswers (Feb 25, 2010)

Thankx Tunera,
After last night,
which was HORRIBLE, after driving through the fence to get out quick as he could, he is back down at his apt. in the city he works at and I feel much more stress free.
Its always hard to keep the feelings back when dealing with this kind of situation huh. It most hard because my girls seen this and they were scared so as a mom I'm upset but as the spouse I am hurt. Tough road I travel right now.

Thanks for all the help! It is much appreciated!


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