# Advice on Modification



## ForMyFriend (Jan 3, 2015)

I have a good friend who is in a bit of a bad situation. I know that he won't post and ask for advice, so I'm doing it for him in hopes of hearing about other people's experiences.

He was married for 14 years and was completely blindsided by his wife's midlife crisis. After years of being "blissfully happy" (her own words) being a stay-at-home mother to his three children, she decided to begin going out at night to listen to local bands and occasionally singing in them. Suddenly, she's learning how to play guitar and staying out all night. After a new months of this, she announces that he's "boring" and she wants a divorce. He's so stunned and derailed by her choice that he decides to be congenial and agrees to child support of nearly $1,500 a month as he's earning a six-figure income in sales.

After his divorce is final, he's fired from his job (lack of focus during the divorce led to lower productivity) and due to the recession, he has a great deal of difficulty finding a new position to replace the one he lost. After three years of unemployment, then underemployment, he's finally employed again, making about half of what he was making before.

Meanwhile, his former wife has (after the divorce) started dating a wanna-be rock star, and marries a year after the divorce. She is his fifth wife and he is her third husband (my friend was number two.) She understood that ex-husband couldn't pay that child support while he was unemployed and then underemployed, but now that he's working again, she seems to think that he owes her for all the back support not paid.

They split custody 50/50. Newly married Mrs. Wannabe Rock Star never attended college and doesn't make much. Mr. Wannabe made $16k last year, as live shows evidently don't pay much.

Basically, she wants her former husband to pay child support to contribute to her household income, despite the fact that he pays for all the kid's extra expenses (school fees, sports, clubs, medical bills, etc.) Meanwhile, its been discovered that Mr. Wannabe was recently arrested for his third DUI, and will soon be in court as a "persistent offender" and may be serving time soon.

Its hard to know how to counsel him in this situation. The kids have suffered terribly from their mother's decision to break up the family, and they don't care much for the new stepdad. There's some evidence that points to this relationship beginning prior to her asking for the divorce, but we live in a no-fault state.

Needless to say, it just doesn't seem fair that he has to pay her anything in this situation (she received half his retirement in the split, which made for a great down payment on her new home where Mr. Wannabe now lives rent-free with her) and my friend had to liquidate his half of his retirement just to make ends meet during the un/underemployment period of time.

I've been encouraging him to see an attorney and get a modification done, but he's so dreading spending money on an attorney and rehashing the whole matter that he's stalling. 

Does anyone have any advice as to what he can do to take care of this situation? He's tempted to bring up Wannabe's upcoming trial to make the case that he's an unsuitable step-parent as he obviously has a drinking problem; and see if he can get custodial custody as a result. He doesn't want to keep his kids from seeing their mom, but he's just not interested in paying to subsidize the Wannabe household income when he's already footing the bill for their extra expenses. 

Any advice or sharing of experiences would be appreciated. Thank you!


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Sorry but $1500 a month does not seem like much to me to provide for one's own flesh and blood. TBH I'm disappointed that was all that was asked of him when he was making six figures 

Him getting custody would be OK if it is truly out of love and concern for his three children rather than greedy financial motives.


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## ForMyFriend (Jan 3, 2015)

Blonde said:


> Sorry but $1500 a month does not seem like much to me to provide for one's own flesh and blood. TBH I'm disappointed that was all that was asked of him when he was making six figures
> 
> Him getting custody would be OK if it is truly out of love and concern for his three children rather than greedy financial motives.


If you knew this man, you would know that its entirely out of love for this children. They are his first priority in life, unlike his ex (who used to be a close friend of mine) who would rather attend her new husband's show than attend her son's Cub Scout fly-up ceremony and still leaves the house on the evening that her daughter threatens to kill herself over the impending divorce.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

He should talk to a real lawyer, ASAP. He should have talked to one when his income dropped..

C


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

When unemployment or underemployment occurs there's a difference between agreeing not enforcement the support obligation (deferment) and modifying the amount that is due.
If your friend never had a modification he will likely owe all the back support as arrears, Most courts don't have authority to modify the amount of past-due support, unless the custodial parent agrees. He needs to get this to court or he will never get out from under. What she did with the OM, new husband crap is irrelevant to child support obligations.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Anything can happen in court but nothing will happen outside of it. 

He needs an attorney now. 

Agree with Blonde. Three kids is usually 30%. $1500 seems awfully low. I have three kids and mine is $2700.


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## Johnconrad (Dec 23, 2014)

Ceegee said:


> Anything can happen in court but nothing will happen outside of it.
> 
> He needs an attorney now.
> 
> Agree with Blonde. Three kids is usually 30%. $1500 seems awfully low. I have three kids and mine is $2700.


And, how much custody do you have?


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Low blow. - 45%. 

Working on it. 

Parent facilitator. Children's therapist. All have committed to me. Foresight during the divorce lead me to insist on these things. But, you know this. 😄


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

WOW - your friend should have went to modify child support the INSTANT he lost his job and again when underemployed. The arrears are now on record and child support will not be back deducted for his lack of movement on his part.

He is responsible for the arrears amount. Since he is now making half his salary, he should pay lawyer to file the proper paperwork. 1000 lawyer fee is worth it if it reduces the amount by 500 per month for the next 10 years or so.

As for the 3rd DUI - I would have lawyer request court not allow children be in any car when this man is driving. 3x is a felony in most states. EX wife would have to drive any time in presence of children and have it stated very clearly and present to court. Since they are married, you could not request kids cannot be in his presence or have overnight visits but he can stipulate who can drive them.

My EXH was cheating with tramp that had 4 DUIS. When I filed in FL, I had a morality clause written into my agreement that stated child could not be in any vehicle with felon DUI. Also no overnight visits since she was a convicted felon in Pinellas County. Court agreed with all my terms.

EXH dropped DUI tramp eventually and on to another desparate women now but at least felon DUI driver is out of my life.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Well, if he isnt going to be the custodial parent, then he HAS to pay support. Obviously it needs to be amended to meet his current income. I hope he goes for custody instead.


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## tonedef (Aug 7, 2014)

I really wish I had more to offer to this thread, but I am amazed that y'all think that 1500 for 3 kids is low? I have two kids with my ex and I get 270 a month. Anyway. If anything, I would suggest a lawyer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

I guess it depends on income, lawyer and overall mediation of divorce to come up with child support. 

My Ex did not send in financial papers and I had to go with tax return we filed with a salary for him 4 years ago. 68K for his salary with me having sole custody calculated to $759 a month for my one child. 

I occasionally receive a check from the state when he pays which is always a pleasant surprise. Like finding money in the washing machine.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tonedef said:


> I really wish I had more to offer to this thread, but I am amazed that y'all think that 1500 for 3 kids is low? I have two kids with my ex and I get 270 a month. Anyway. If anything, I would suggest a lawyer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What is your ex's income? 

What % of time are your children with their father?


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## tonedef (Aug 7, 2014)

Elegirl- I am not sure, I am guessing around 20g annually and even thougg the papers say every other weekend for him- he sees/picks up our boys when he wants to. I know the amount he pays is more than fair, I was just amazed how up to 1500 is considered low. I know the income is higher but it still seems like a good amount. I had always wondered how a man could afford such a high amount and live comfortably at the same time. It just doesnt seem fair especially if the woman wanted divorce. Sorry- didnt mean to get off topic/threadjack. It seems his friend pays a high amount monthly already and will owe back support making life just a little harder.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

tonedef said:


> Elegirl- I am not sure, I am guessing around 20g annually and even thougg the papers say every other weekend for him- he sees/picks up our boys when he wants to. I know the amount he pays is more than fair, I was just amazed how up to 1500 is considered low. I know the income is higher but it still seems like a good amount. I had always wondered how a man could afford such a high amount and live comfortably at the same time. It just doesnt seem fair especially if the woman wanted divorce. Sorry- didnt mean to get off topic/threadjack. It seems his friend pays a high amount monthly already and will owe back support making life just a little harder.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just remember for every support obligation that seems unfair to one side, there's another going the opposite direction. It also isn't fair for one parent to shoulder the entire financial responsibility for the children. I'm not saying that's what's going on in the OP's case, just throwing out that it happens.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I just checked out of curiosity for our province based on income I'd only get 432 dollars for 5 kids a month.


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