# need help and others input



## jenniferFl (Dec 28, 2007)

Hello, I guess I should first introduce myself. I am a 28 year old mother to 3 boys and 1 step-daughter. I stay at home with the baby during the day and then with all three boys after they get out of school. I am trying to start up a business st home as well. Now onto my situation! I have been with my husband for almost three years now. At the beginning everything was great..exactly what I was looking for in a relationship. After about 10 months of dating I got pregnant and everything changed. It was not something either one of was expecting. Once we found out I was pregnant he became distant and did not want to have a physical relationship any longer. He told me it was because I was pregnant. Then after the baby was born he told me we were not doing anything physical because the baby was in the room, so I mover the baby to his room so we could be together at night by ourselves. That did not work either. I confronted him about our relationship and asked him why we were not talking, having sex, kissing or anything along those lines. He told me he was too busy and he had to prioritize. Ok, I understood he was busy at work, but now I felt like I was not a priority in his life. It now has been over a year and a half and we do not do anything at all. No sex, no kissing, no hugs nothing. I have tried to talk to him about it multiple times and he keeps saying there is nothing wrong. 

I now have become bitter to the fact that I have a "roommate" relationship and that is it with my husband. I really would like to fix this, I refuse to live in a relationship where I do not feel loved or wanted. 

I have suggested counseling and he stated "nothing is wrong, why do we need that?" I told him that if we do not get this fixed we would not last. When I said that it did not even seem like he cared. He avoids any and all discussions about our relationship. I just do not know what to do any more. 

What would you suggest?

Sorry this was soo long!

Thank you.


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## berlinlife06 (Dec 26, 2007)

Well, tell him right out: I want something you are not giving me, and if I have to look for that outside our home, I want you to know about that too! You both need to talk. And definitely counseling should help.


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## Bop (Jan 2, 2008)

I hate to say it but based on what you posted I think there is a good chance he may be seeing someone else. Being a man and not particularly young. I could never go very long without sex. Most men are the same. Tell him what you expect of your relationship. If he isn't willing to even try, you may want to find a man who would care about both you and your children. Good luck.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I would say that the most important think is to open clear communications with your husband. Tell him what you want and how you feel. 

BOP~ I have known many men that can go months or even a few years without sex in any form. Some for religious reasons, other psycological others for physical reasons. Many men never get the help they need if they have sexual dysfunction.

draconis


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## tater03 (Jun 29, 2007)

I would agree that if he is showing no interest in doing anything to want to make this better then you have to put your foot down. I would tell him that he has a couple months to figure out if he will go get counseling with you and if not that you are leaving. I hope it works out for you.


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## jenniferFl (Dec 28, 2007)

I admit I have been really angry recently and have been short with him. At this point, everything bothers me. He is not the father to my older boys. I have talked with them about the way they feel things are going in our house(I feel my children get a say in my relationship, they are my main priority in life) and they feel like my husband does not like them. They feel he is mean to them too much and yells at the for nothing. I am so drawn between what to do. I have not mentioned this before but my husband is 40 and soo set in his ways. When we first got together he moved in with me at my home, but since I was renting and he owned a home we mutually decided that we would be better off just moving over to his home. While we were at my home he was nothing like he is now. He was easy going, loving, attentive and wanted to play with my boys, but now he is uptight, distant and is compulsively cleaning the home. He can not have anything out of place or he starts getting upset and cussing. The children can not even have their room to themselves to play because when they have the toys out and he comes home my husband sends they out of their room so he can put everything away. 

As for me I know I have been very difficult to live with the last few months. I have been *****y to say the least. I do not know how not to be mad at this situation. I told myself after my first divorce that I was never going to stay in a bad relationship. That things needed to be fixed or I was gone. Now I am the exact situation that I never wanted to be in. I am so confused!


Thank you for listening to me ramble, I have no one else to talk to.


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## greenbaglady (Dec 11, 2007)

At first I was going to say your troubles sounded just like mine with my first child...I thought hmm theres a connection between "new husbands" and "new baby" "new life"...tho your husband seems to be stuck in his funk a little more.
How are things with his job? 
I remember when my husband went thru this same thing, he came around to tell me that all these new responsibilities and his new job and our new house and everything that came with that really wore him out physically.
A year is a really long time to go with out any kind of affection  
Does he do email's very well? 
When I finally got fed up with the lack of love in my newly wed relationship I emailed my husband since he would do the same as your husband, burst out of the room mad that i brought up the relationship and sex topic...
I told him EVERYTHING I was feeling.
I think it took him a few months after that email when he finally started to come around. Thats when he told me that he was just overwhelmed with all this newness. 
Could it be that your husband is just trying to get use to all this "new" stuff. 
Does he seem depressed?
Maybe you could make him an appointment with a family doctor to get things checked out--would he go for it?
Maybe your husband if hes willing, get checked out or if he needs something to make him feel better--a boost. Not that I would want to encourage medicated happiness.
It's really frustrating tho--I've said to my own husband during our dry spell that we were like "roommates" too and told him its got to be obvious to him that this isnt normal--husband and wife dont, NOT hold each other or be there for each other. 
Tell him that you sense that he needs to be cuddled and you want to make him feel better like you did back in the day at your flat. Maybe memories of 'the old days' would help him go to that happy place again with you.


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