# Is it Fair to Say......



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

If you are knowingly and habitually denying your partner intimacy, do you believe you are putting your marriage at risk of infidelity/divorce? 

More to the point, do you really expect without any hesitation that your partner/spouse remain with you when you do not have intimacy. 

What are your reasons for this expectation given the conscious decision to withheld sex?

PS: This is for non-medical/health related sex denial. Overal sexually healthy individuals.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sanity said:


> If you are knowingly and habitually denying your partner intimacy that you are putting your marriage at risk of infidelity/divorce?


Yes. And this goes for knowingly and habitually doing anything that your partner feels you are depriving them off and has voiced to you how you are hurting them. 



Sanity said:


> More to the point, do you really expect without any hesitation that your partner/spouse remain with you when you do not have intimacy.


Some people do. Some don't. Depends on the individual.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Sanity said:


> If you are knowingly and habitually denying your partner intimacy, do you believe you are putting your marriage at risk of infidelity/divorce?
> yes.I include emotional intimacy in with this too,if either person denies the other emotional or physical intimacy it's a recipe for disaster.
> More to the point, do you really expect without any hesitation that your partner/spouse remain with you when you do not have intimacy.
> nope and he shouldn't expect me to remain with him if he's not meeting my needs if he's aware of what they are and how to meet them.
> ...


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

I'm not in a marriage without sex.

The thing is, some marriages are sexless, sometimes neither party is very sexual, and the marriage is a happy one, both parties have exactly what they want. 

The problem is when there is a mismatch in what the two individuals want, one feels under pressure to have sex more often than they feel like it, the other feels neglected because they are not having as much sex as they like. So a compromise needs to be reached, communication as always is key, everyone's situation is different and some people will be able to compromise and live happily ever after, some people will find it impossible and will be miserable and will maybe have to go their separate ways.

I think most of us do need intimacy, we need it to feel loved, we need passion, desire, sexual release and affection, it makes us feel alive. Even if I was unable physically to have penetrative sex with my husband I would pleasure him in whatever ways I was still able to to ensure that we were still intimate and that we maintained that sexual connection. For us I do think it's an important part of our marriage, it keeps us strong, close, bonded and in love.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

There's also the "I don't think about/need sex, am getting MY needs met, and I don't see that there is an issue in my marriage" option that's not on the poll. 

I don't really know HOW people can bury their heads in the sand like that... I fit into the category of not thinking about it much, but I could absolutely see that my SO was miserable and I wanted to fix that. 
But I think it happens a lot.

ETA - Nevermind, I completely missed the 'knowingly' part of your post, which makes mine pretty irrelevant.


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

Sanity said:


> If you are knowingly and habitually denying your partner intimacy, do you believe you are putting your marriage at risk of infidelity/divorce?
> 
> More to the point, do you really expect without any hesitation that your partner/spouse remain with you when you do not have intimacy.
> 
> ...


1.) Yes. I couldn't live this way, and I wouldn't expect my partner to, either.
2.) Absolutely not. If there is no intimacy, it's not really a marriage at all in my eyes.

I would never expect my partner to stay with me if there was no sex/intimacy. I can't imagine my marriage getting to that point, but if it did, I'd probably end it myself if we couldn't get things back on track.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

Bring deeply & madly in love with someone, there is VERY LITTLE I would NOT do to make them happy. 

Albeit sex, intimacy, reading them a story before bed, yada yada. 

Then again, I'm a "pleaser". I loooooove to pleasure my man in any way he desires. If I am in love - I'm in it to win it. 

So I don't get the sexless mindset thing. I am super HD, I've had problems in my relationship because of it. And still, I aim to please. I just want my partner to be happy. 

(Barring any medical issues as OP stated)


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

As the LD wife my thought wasn't an option. I thought he would divorce me and I wouldn't have blamed him. I'm so glad he worked it out with me and didn't drop me like a hot potato.


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## Playthang (Dec 3, 2012)

Sanity said:


> If you are knowingly and habitually denying your partner intimacy, do you believe you are putting your marriage at risk of infidelity/divorce?
> 
> Absolutely!!


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Playthang said:


> Sanity said:
> 
> 
> > If you are knowingly and habitually denying your partner intimacy, do you believe you are putting your marriage at risk of infidelity/divorce?
> ...


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## kjm (Jan 8, 2011)

Not sure why people get married and then hold off on the one thing you can't get outside of your marriage. I get wonderful companionship from my dog. I get great conversation with my coworkers. I get fair advice on the internet. I cannot get sex from any but my spouse. So being that sex is the one thing I must keep in the marriage, it would stand to reason that one of the primary reasons for marriage is sexual. Yes- probably related to raising children in a stable household, but when I was once married to a habitual rejecting spouse, the fighting was constant and not a good place to raise kids. In my present marriage the fighting is almost non-existent, and the sex is regular and happy now.


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## hereinthemidwest (Oct 7, 2010)

The TRUTH IS I wouldn't expect to stay in the marriage. You didn't offer that as a choice in your poll thou. Asking or expecting someone to stay simpley foolish. Trust, communication, support WITHOUT intimacy is a friendship.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Of the nine people who have voted so far, I'm not seeing any of the reasons they've picked represented in the comments. C'mon people, spill!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

You're putting a lot more than your marriage at risk. You risk alienating your partner for life, and alienating your children as well...

So when you're 85 and semi senile in a nursing home and your children have written you off for how you treated your husband back then, then we talk. Hopefully you can still tell FarmVille from the screen saver on your iPad...

Intimacy is not about having sex 2x a week versus 2x a month. It's about the bonds you make or not make. For life.


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