# Four year divorce



## jw1975jj (13 d ago)

Hello all! My name is Jason and my wife and I separated. My back story: I've attended college for the last two years and seen a therapist for closer to three years. My wife has been supportive of college to a certain extent but at the same time she's been awkwardly jealous of my grades and the time I spend in college due to also working full time. After college and different job changes she grew very resentful of me and has treated me awfully. She's also grown resentful and jealous of my son and I's relationship. I finally grew enough strength, lost my temper a bit and told her I wanted out. We've been separated for several months and have a three year old son together. My therapist suggests I outgrew the relationship between college and therapy. I dislike the term outgrow as I'm not any better than her but I deserve to be treated so much better. I'm a decent looking guy, I lift weights four days a week, run two days a week, hold down a full time job and most importantly am a huge part of my son's life. I cook, I clean, I remodel our home and I maintain and repair our vehicles even. I just deserve better than resentment and jealousy.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*@jw1975jj TAM strongly discourages the use of personal emails in posts on the site.*


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

jw1975jj said:


> Hello all! My name is Jason and my wife and I separated. My back story: I've attended college for the last two years and seen a therapist for closer to three years. My wife has been supportive of college to a certain extent but at the same time she's been awkwardly jealous of my grades and the time I spend in college due to also working full time. After college and different job changes she grew very resentful of me and has treated me awfully. She's also grown resentful and jealous of my son and I's relationship. I finally grew enough strength, lost my temper a bit and told her I wanted out. We've been separated for several months and have a three year old son together. My therapist suggests I outgrew the relationship between college and therapy. I dislike the term outgrow as I'm not any better than her but I deserve to be treated so much better. I'm a decent looking guy, I lift weights four days a week, run two days a week, hold down a full time job and most importantly am a huge part of my son's life. I cook, I clean, I remodel our home and I maintain and repair our vehicles even. I just deserve better than resentment and jealousy.


Welcome to TAM! I see you've already met one of the Moderators


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## jw1975jj (13 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Welcome to TAM! I see you've already met one of the Moderators


Lol indeed! My apologies for that. Just hurting right now.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

jw1975jj said:


> Lol indeed! My apologies for that. Just hurting right now.


Where is the hurt coming from? Are you missing your wife? 

How is the separation being done? Do you still live together while waiting for divorce or how is it?


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## jw1975jj (13 d ago)

My dad has stage four cancer. My marriage is ending because I'm unhappy. Plus I'm working my butt off too be a better healthier me with boundaries and such as well as being the best father I can be to my three year old son. Maybe I'm just exhausted but part of me is hurting as well. Even though I know walking away from my marriage is right it doesn't make it any less painful. I've just got a lot going on and pray daily for so much and typically it isn't even a prayer for myself but others.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

jw1975jj said:


> My dad has stage four cancer. My marriage is ending because I'm unhappy. Plus I'm working my butt off too be a better healthier me with boundaries and such as well as being the best father I can be to my three year old son. Maybe I'm just exhausted but part of me is hurting as well. Even though I know walking away from my marriage is right it doesn't make it any less painful. I've just got a lot going on and pray daily for so much and typically it isn't even a prayer for myself but others.


I'm sorry to hear about your dad. That alone is enough to weigh a person down and make everything else hard. Adding a small child and divorce, I can see why it's hard for you. 

And you say you're n therapy, right? Do you think that's helping to get through some of this?

You mention prayer, do you attend church?

From my viewpoint, focus on being #1 Dad and let everything else become second. That can be hard to do, but right now you're probably spread way too thin. Focus on the most important... your son.

How is dad's care going? Is he in hospice or?


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## jw1975jj (13 d ago)

Trust me when I say my son gets top shelf every time! Therapy has helped tremendously! I've grown so much as a person and built confidence and self esteem. I don't attend church currently but have in the past. I've tried finding a new church for my son and I but my plate is full at the moment. I do pray daily however. Dad is actually still getting treatments. It's stage four because it's spread from his lungs but him and his doctor are still fighting. I've been spending more time with him and notice he's different...not irresponsible just different. It's just hard to see but I feel I need to be there for him regardless. He's given me so much.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

jw1975jj said:


> Trust me when I say my son gets top shelf every time! Therapy has helped tremendously! I've grown so much as a person and built confidence and self esteem. I don't attend church currently but have in the past. I've tried finding a new church for my son and I but my plate is full at the moment. I do pray daily however. Dad is actually still getting treatments. It's stage four because it's spread from his lungs but him and his doctor are still fighting. I've been spending more time with him and notice he's different...not irresponsible just different. It's just hard to see but I feel I need to be there for him regardless. He's given me so much.


How is the co-parenting with your sbtxw going? And the divorce, is it uncontested?

As far as TAM, this is a great place to vent, rant, ask questions, and share our experiences with others. Typing things out for others is a pretty cathartic thing in my experience. So don't be afraid to jump right in and do all of the above.

I hope the best for your dad. Stage 4 can be hard to come back from but that doesn't mean it can't be done.


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## jw1975jj (13 d ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> How is the co-parenting with your sbtxw going? And the divorce, is it uncontested?
> 
> As far as TAM, this is a great place to vent, rant, ask questions, and share our experiences with others. Typing things out for others is a pretty cathartic thing in my experience. So don't be afraid to jump right in and do all of the above.
> 
> I hope the best for your dad. Stage 4 can be hard to come back from but that doesn't mean it can't be done.


Co parenting is actually pretty good. We definitely make better Co parents than husband and wife. We're both sharing equal custody of him and hope to try to have a family night on Wednesdays so we both don't have to go so long without him. We've been very fortunate in our divorce focusing on him versus the fighting amongst us. I will jump in here or there as I can. My son and my father are priorities at the moment. My mom died from lung cancer as well so we expect the worst but hope for the best. My dad is a tough old man-Vietnam vet and restores cars in his spare time. Nobody knows how this will end so I'm just soaking up time with him best I can. That and speaking with God as much as I can. Thank you for getting so warm and welcoming!


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## jw1975jj (13 d ago)

Being not getting


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Welcome to TAM - you’re going through so much; sorry to hear about your dad and your marriage issues. You sound resolved with your marriage ending - it takes courage to leave an unhealthy relationship. Just take one day at a time. Easier said than done, but just try to be present each day as it comes and keep praying for strength. I’m a believer and God does amazing things through prayer. Hope you enjoy the forum ☀


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