# How do you deal with a partner who keeps lying to you and you keep catching them?



## Riley22 (Nov 29, 2020)

This isn't the first time I've caught him lying to me and I am in the process of getting an individual counselor for myself as well as marriage counselor. I don't know how to forgive him again for him lying to me again.Trust and honesty has always been emphasized in the relationship from the start... For those of you who have gone through that what can be done differently to rebuild trust or should I even bother?Please share your thoughts and experiences whether they were successful or not?


----------



## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. If he doesn't want to be honest and trustworthy, then he won't. It really is as simple as that.

So, how do you make him want to be honest and trustworthy? Take away something he values more than his freedom to lie. This could by your marriage. Will he change in order to save the marriage? There's only one way to find out.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Riley22 said:


> This isn't the first time I've caught him lying to me and I am in the process of getting an individual counselor for myself as well as marriage counselor. I don't know how to forgive him again for him lying to me again.Trust and honesty has always been emphasized in the relationship from the start... For those of you who have gone through that what can be done differently to rebuild trust or should I even bother?Please share your thoughts and experiences whether they were successful or not?


what has he been lying about?


----------



## beautifulauthenticself (Nov 2, 2020)

aine said:


> what has he been lying about?


Good question. A lie is a lie. No matter how big or small. But what exactly has he been lying about?


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Once trust is lost it is hard to regain it. I would say it is impossible when the person keeps lying time and time again.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Riley22 said:


> what can be done differently to rebuild trust or should I even bother?


When the lying, cheating, etc. has been many times (The Lord Jesus Christ said "seventy times seven") you must first forgive the person, meaning giving up any right to revenge or recompense.

Then, you can make a decision, based upon what you know to be true, that the person is a habitual liar or cheater.... whether you want to continue the relationship AS IT IS without expectation of any change, or whether you want to discontinue the relationship.

When lying is the sin being committed against you, you cannot believe any promise of change from the liar.

No amount of counseling, therapy, not even going to see Madame Whatshername, guru, shaman, whatever..... is going to stop a liar from lying. This is a work of God's grace, and that grace must be sought by the liar from God Himself.

In my experience, it was cheating (which is, at it's essence, lying).... I decided to discontinue the relationship. I was absolutely convinced, by her attitude following my discovery, that her cheating was not going to change. I forgave her, and built an impenetrable "wall' between her and I.

Whether she cheated again, I don't know, and I don't care.



ABHale said:


> I would say it is impossible when the person keeps lying time and time again.


I would also say it.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Your previous posts said you were getting a divorce because your career and his career goals were not aligned. You have not actually said what the real issues are and you seem to be all over the place. You are only married a few years and to be honest it seems like you are very reactive and volatile, even the way you posted previously.
If you want help or feedback here, you need to explain what is happening, why you are doing what you are doing so that people have context before shooting from the hip.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

If married, you divorce.

If not married, you break up.

Be done with him either way.


----------

