# Physical change during pregnancy



## Krtecek (Jan 17, 2021)

My wife is pregnant (our first pregnancy). She has put on a lot of weight, has swollen feet, etc. The usual stuff. 

Unfortunately, she had a few noticeable moles on her face. Some she used to cover by parting her hair. Not something I was pretty but also not something that you would avert your eyes. However, during the pregnancy, those moles have significantly increased in size. I would say almost doubled. I think this is caused by all those hormonal changes.

The thing is that I find myself not want to look at her face anymore. Those large moles now attract my attention and I do find them distracting and plain ugly. I feel awful about that but this I simply cannot control that. I tried.

She had some moles removed way years ago but these facial moles remained. I know it is a quick outpatient procedure; however, I am not sure if and how I can convince her to go through with that. I mentioned something a few weeks ago but she brushed me off. Pregnancy is not easy, for sure. But looking down the road, life with a small one will get even busier.

I feel like a horrible husband - but I would like to want to look at my wife too!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Krtecek said:


> I would like to want to look at my wife


Stop being an ass. There are plenty of other changes that will happen to her body too. Want her to get some new boobs and a tummy tuck too? Maybe a vaginoplasty? 

She probably should get the moles checked out, just in case, but it should be for her health not because you now find her ugly. 

FYI, you have something ugly to work on too.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

They will probably shrink after pregnancy. 

It’s sad you feel this way, but please don’t push her to remove them. 

What you find ugly may be just the thing another man might fall in love with... I’m not being cruel when I say this, but really think about another man one day admiring her from a distance and one day being the one to tell her that thing she’s been told is ugly is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. 

Would that change how you see her?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, you're being a bit of an ass. If you think moles are a huge problem, I shudder to think how you'll react to stretch marks and the crinkly tummy skin that often follows pregnancy. 

However, any mole that has shown sudden growth, or any other rapid changes, should be checked by a dermatologist. It probably is a result of the pregnancy, but it's far better to be safe than sorry.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

bobert said:


> Stop being an ass. There are plenty of other changes that will happen to her body too. Want her to get some new boobs and a tummy tuck too? Maybe a vaginoplasty?
> 
> She probably should get the moles checked out, just in case, but it should be for her health not because you now find her ugly.
> 
> FYI, you have something ugly to work on too.


I wish I could get all of these lol!


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Krtecek said:


> My wife is pregnant (our first pregnancy). She has put on a lot of weight, has swollen feet, etc. The usual stuff.
> 
> Unfortunately, she had a few noticeable moles on her face. Some she used to cover by parting her hair. Not something I was pretty but also not something that you would avert your eyes. However, during the pregnancy, those moles have significantly increased in size. I would say almost doubled. I think this is caused by all those hormonal changes.
> 
> ...


I'm a woman, and had a baby 6 months ago. I would HOPE my husband would tell me if he didn't like my proverbial moles, and thank goodness my husband WOULD absolutely tell me if he didn't like something. I'm hyper aware of if I look bad, that's just me, I have to be pristine at all times. Nothing to do with my husband. Find a nice way to tell her the truth.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

The only reason someone should get moles removed is if they bother that person, or if they pose a health risk. To undergo even minor surgery for a partner, I just don't get. How could you suggest that to someone?

I think sometimes when people bring these things up, they aren't aware of how it feels to be pregnant. It's probably different for every woman so I can only speak for myself. It is the most emotional and vulnerable I have ever felt. Your body is all over the place, everything's HUGE. And of course there is the constant feeling of being ugly and enormous and that your partner isn't attracted to you anymore. Put yourself in her shoes. Your wife tells you when you are carrying your child that your face is unsightly and you should get something ugly removed from it. She might not say it aloud, but it is strongly implied it is not for health reasons, but because she finds you ugly now. Sit with that feeling for a minute. 

Maybe as non-pregnant person she would be in the emotional place to say "this is my face. if you find it so horrible maybe we shouldn't be together." But as a pregnant person it is doubly as bad as you already feel somewhat insecure about your whole body. 

Think about how you are treating your wife when she is at her most vulnerable. You're lucky she just brushed you off and didn't take it more seriously. 

I don't blame you for feeling attracted or not attracted - that part you can't control as you said. How you acted on it? That is f&(^ed up man. I would try and find some way to make it up to her.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think people should cut him some slack. Example: I love my children unconditionally but if they had huge moles on their faces I'd probably objectively think they were unattractive.

They might not reduce in size after pregnancy.

I'd find a way to politely ask her to get them removed.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Side note: you say your first pregnancy. If this is how you react during her first pregnancy, do you think she will want to be in this position again?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

joannacroc said:


> The only reason someone should get moles removed is if they bother that person, or if they pose a health risk. To undergo even minor surgery for a partner, I just don't get. How could you suggest that to someone?
> 
> I think sometimes when people bring these things up, they aren't aware of how it feels to be pregnant. It's probably different for every woman so I can only speak for myself. It is the most emotional and vulnerable I have ever felt. Your body is all over the place, everything's HUGE. And of course there is the constant feeling of being ugly and enormous and that your partner isn't attracted to you anymore. Put yourself in her shoes. Your wife tells you when you are carrying your child that your face is unsightly and you should get something ugly removed from it. She might not say it aloud, but it is strongly implied it is not for health reasons, but because she finds you ugly now. Sit with that feeling for a minute.
> 
> ...


Eh. And I say this as a woman who has been pregnant twice. 

I think this is a little unreasonable sprinkled with fairy dust. Huge moles on the face are unattractive, _pregnant or not pregnant_.

How many times do we hear you should try to keep yourself well groomed, fit, up to date wardrobe and personal grooming and not let yourself go in a relationship? That it is respectful to your partner to stay well groomed, etc.?

I think she should attend to the facial moles and I don't think the man is wrong to be bothered by them.

Many many many women still take pride in their self care during pregnancy. Cute haircuts, cute maternity clothes, some light make up, etc. And getting large moles removed from one's face.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

GC1234 said:


> I wish I could get all of these lol!


If someone wants to get cosmetic surgery for themselves, then go for it. It shouldn't ever be because their spouse no longer finds them attractive after giving them children. 



joannacroc said:


> The only reason someone should get moles removed is if they bother that person, or if they pose a health risk. To undergo even minor surgery for a partner, I just don't get. How could you suggest that to someone?


Especially while someone is pregnant... It's not like she can/should get them removed during the pregnancy. It's a cosmetic issue, so now she gets to go the rest of her pregnancy knowing her husband thinks she's ugly? Nice one.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Livvie said:


> Eh. And I say this as a woman who has been pregnant twice.
> 
> I think this is a little unreasonable sprinkled with fairy dust. Huge moles on the face are unattractive, _pregnant or not pregnant_.
> 
> ...


I disagree. Keeping one's appearance up is one thing. A haircut and a trip to the mall are not the same as having moles removed - especially on the face because more care is give to appearance (I've had a few moles removed for medical reasons - precancerous). Facial surgery, even minor, is NOT the same as going to the salon.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

OP why did she have others removed and not these ones? Was she having problems with them?


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