# Separated from my wife 4 months now...



## utterlydismayed (Jun 17, 2015)

This is my first time ever posting to something like this. 
My wife threw me out in Feb, and has filed for divorce. But we've seen each other a number of times these past months, and there is still a lot of love...
I don't want a divorce. 
But this separation is going on too long.
I'm getting mixed messages from my wife. 
She files for divorce, and then sleeps with me.
She doesn't seem as emotionally invested as I feel. 
I know that I need to let her go, but I don't know how to. 
I guess I'm just looking for people to talk with, who are going through similar problems.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

If your goal is to get over her, you need time and distance, and find happiness on your own. You are reinforcing your attachment to her by sleeping with her.

Question, is the house not both under your name as well? If so, unless she has court order papers, she cannot kick you out.

Also, please describe your background and her's and why did the relationship portion of your marriage ended?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

what is the basis of your separation both from your perspective and her's?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Ignore her words. 
Watch her actions. 

And then act accordingly.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Satya said:


> Ignore her words.
> Watch her actions.
> 
> And then act accordingly.


Brilliant. Short, to the point, and SO TRUE.

Anybody can say anything. It's what they DO that you must pay attention to.


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## utterlydismayed (Jun 17, 2015)

Some background, 
She got an injunction in Feb.
There was some substance abuse on both sides. I went into treatment in February. Then she filed for divorce. Then we slept together. Several times now. 
It is by far the worse thing I've ever had to deal with.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

when your under these substances, are you scaring her? what was the injunction based on?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

utterlydismayed said:


> Some background,
> She got an injunction in Feb.
> There was some substance abuse on both sides. I went into treatment in February. Then she filed for divorce. Then we slept together. Several times now.
> It is by far the worse thing I've ever had to deal with.


If you have dependency/addiction issues, you both likely need to get to the bottom of those before you can be emotionally healthy enough to work on the marriage without having the stress of that push you back to old ways. Would she be open to going to counseling together? Were you just using substances to mask the issues in your relationship? Were you enabling each other with the substance abuse problem?


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Crazy times.

You might consider getting tested for STD's.

Sorry.


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