# Should I or should I not be annoyed at my husband over this?



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

I had THE lamest Mothers Day EVER--- I am usually not a Hallmark holiday person, but geesh....only my youngest (10) even remotely acknowledged Mother's Day-- she came down first thing in the morning with two nice homemade things for me.

But my 11 and 16 year old daughters- nothing, and my husband, nothing...no card, no flowers nothing at all.

It was hard not to feel a bit hurt and unappreciated.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Yes, your husband should be setting an example to your daughters how to treat you. On any special occasion he should be making an effort to show how much he loves and appreciates you, just as you would do for him I assume. It is very hurtful to be forgotten by the person who is supposed to love you. 

That doesn't mean he had to spend a lot of money, but making you breakfast, telling you to pick what to do for the day and taking your daughters to purchase a small gift and things like that would have been the right thing to do.

Have you told your husband this hurt your feelings? If so what has he done about it?


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Your girls are old enough to remember Mother's Day etc. However, your husband could have reminded them, if it seemed they "forgot". He could have put a bug in their ear, and said, "Don't forget to tell your mother happy mothers day" or something. Or your youngest daughter who did remember. Looks like she could have said something as well. However, I have to wonder did your husband and other girls know it was mothers day and chose not to say or do anything, if so, thats the real issue.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

AgentD said:


> Your girls are old enough to remember Mother's Day etc. However, your husband could have reminded them, if it seemed they "forgot". He could have put a bug in their ear, and said, "Don't forget to tell your mother happy mothers day" or something. Or your youngest daughter who did remember. Looks like she could have said something as well. However, I have to wonder did your husband and other girls know it was mothers day and chose not to say or do anything, if so, thats the real issue.


Well, I certainly don't think the 10 year old is responsible for telling the older girls what they should do-- she made me two nice things and had them all ready first thing in the morning, wished me happy mothers day, gave them to me with a hug and kiss and an I love you....and yes my husband could have reminded them. I cried, he said he was sorry and that he really thought they were old enough to remember on their own. I think he might have said something to them at like 8 pm, because my two that did nothing came over with some very hurried looking home made cards-- but by then, I knew they'd forgot or whatever and was already hurt.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I can only speak for myself of coarse, I am not big on gifts, everyone in my family pretty much knows this. I am kinda choosy anyway. Although it is nice receiveing them. Usually my kids just hand me something they did in school, or Church. For me, this is fine. 

What matters to me is - how they act with me every day, talking to me, laughing with me. I don't think my husband mentioned a word about Mothers Day yesterday, I never even gave it a thought. My oldest son wrote me a song & sung it to me playing his guitar- that was A REAL SURPRISE , as I am not used to getting anything -but a "Hey, Happy Mom's day" & some kind of laughing apology that they didn't have anything. Never bothered me. 

Although I have said to them "this is MY day, I want you to do this..... give me a back scratch, just anything I don't feel like pulling their teeth to get done, I let them know they owe me on "MY day". 

I did make sure my Husband called HIS mom when he got home from work. He needs to take her out someday soon to eat, just him & her. 

Teen girls, I wouldn't take it too personal, they are so wrapped up into their own thing. 

I do agree with Syrum, it could have easily made your world if your husband did "Something" -showed some act of kindness mentioning it was "your day" though without you having to say something. I know it means alot when someone does something cause they WANT too. And not out of obligation. And if GIFTS are a big Love Language of yours, you will feel even MORE Hurt than someone like me, who has that on the bottom on my list. 

If you feel hurt, I would mention it though. Me & my husband never buy gifts for each other, In fact if he bought me a card & didn;t write something in it - I would probaby yell at him for wasting his money. I am weird. I am more "Words of Affimation- rather him use a peice of paper & write something on that, I would treasure something like that more so -than someone else's words, or pick some flowers up off the side of the road over wasting them on the cost of Roses. 

Good thing I am not a man, I would irratate the crap out of my wife!


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> Well, I certainly don't think the 10 year old is responsible for telling the older girls what they should do-- she made me two nice things and had them all ready first thing in the morning, wished me happy mothers day, gave them to me with a hug and kiss and an I love you....and yes my husband could have reminded them. I cried, he said he was sorry and that he really thought they were old enough to remember on their own. I think he might have said something to them at like 8 pm, because my two that did nothing came over with some very hurried looking home made cards-- but by then, I knew they'd forgot or whatever and was already hurt.


I'm not saying your 10 year old should be responsible, no one should, but themselves, I'm saying, she is old enough and capable enough that she could have, not that she should have. My 11 year old daughter actually reminded my 13 year old son once when he was so busy up in his video games, to tell me happy birthday. 

Its good your husband said he was sorry. As far as your daughters, I understand you are hurt I would be too, but maybe chalk it up to them really forgetting, and hoping it doesn't happen again.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

its a chick holiday, men tend to forget those 

ok, just trying to lighten it up. he should have reminded them all, and in fact, make sure they knew it was a day to show appreciation for all that mommies do for them. thats what i did, but mommy was in bed sick all day, but we were ready.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

I think maybe if I hadn't been feeling totally unappreciated lately, I wouldn't have cared so much. You know??


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> I think maybe if I hadn't been feeling totally unappreciated lately, I wouldn't have cared so much. You know??


This is probably the root of it.

However, your daughters should have remembered. Its not like there aren't ads on TV about it, or in sales papers, or people talking about it, not to mention on the calendar. 


Did they come to you and say they were sorry or that they forgot?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

lisa3girls said:


> I think maybe if I hadn't been feeling totally unappreciated lately, I wouldn't have cared so much. You know??


And THAT is the thing right there. If that was going on, it makes it feel 10 times worse.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

I would have been upset. I told my husband what to do for me a week before mother's day and then I reminded him the day before. I don't need gifts, but I like to be appreciated on the day set aside for mom's. So I told him to help the kids make me breakfast and explain to them why they were doing it. 

It's important to me that he shows our children how to do these things or else they won't know.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Jamison said:


> This is probably the root of it.
> 
> However, your daughters should have remembered. Its not like there aren't ads on TV about it, or in sales papers, or people talking about it, not to mention on the calendar.
> 
> ...


My 11 year old did, she apologized and she was crying and said she didn't realize how hurt I would be for her forgetting. My teenager, nope. She has NLD, and is really really hard to love sometimes.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

themrs said:


> I would have been upset. I told my husband what to do for me a week before mother's day and then I reminded him the day before. I don't need gifts, but I like to be appreciated on the day set aside for mom's. So I told him to help the kids make me breakfast and explain to them why they were doing it.
> 
> It's important to me that he shows our children how to do these things or else they won't know.


I agree he isn't a very good example. I don't need gifts, really just any kind of real acknowledgement -- do something nice or anything, you know?


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

lisa3girls said:


> I agree he isn't a very good example. I don't need gifts, really just any kind of real acknowledgement -- do something nice or anything, you know?


Some husband's are clueless. My husband used to not do anything for me on mother's day because I'm not his mother. He would say, "This isn't wife's day." 

I had to explain to him how it was important for him to show the kids how to appreciate me on mother's day etc. Now, I don't trust that he'll remember so I remind him and tell him exactly what to do. He doesn't seem to mind. I think it takes the pressure off of him to think of something.

I know it would be MORE special if your husband could just do nice things for you on the days designated for that, but he doesn't so you have to tell him what you want. No hints or hoping. Just tell him exactly what you want and when he does it make a big deal about it like he came up with it.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> My 11 year old did, she apologized and she was crying and said she didn't realize how hurt I would be for her forgetting. My teenager, nope. She has NLD, and is really really hard to love sometimes.


I'm glad she told you she was sorry. As far as your other daughter with NLD, not saying thats an excuse at all, but maybe that puts it in a little better perspective as to why she didn't? I'm not saying thats a good enough excuse, just saying sometimes its best to look at the whole picture for why someone didn't do something.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Jamison said:


> I'm glad she told you she was sorry. As far as your other daughter with NLD, not saying thats an excuse at all, but maybe that puts it in a little better perspective as to why she didn't? I'm not saying thats a good enough excuse, just saying sometimes its best to look at the whole picture for why someone didn't do something.


I know, my teen has me feeling pretty stomped on overall these days...this was icing on the cake. She goes to counseling and told the counselor she wants a better relationship with me and then she does this kind of thing. Maybe I can never expect anywhere near normal from her. I try not to feel hurt, but it is really hard. I mean, if you had any idea what I have done for that girl over her short life -- to help her be all she can be LD and all. I know in my mind she has her limitations and that is probably a big part of it, but it still hurts my heart...does that make any sense?


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

My 9 year old and my 6 year old picked dandelions out of the yard and handed them to me for mothers day. A weed never looked so beautiful to me before 

I'm sorry that your family didn't show you the appriciation you deserve, they should be showing you all year round, but especially on mothers day! shame on them... I would be annoyed and upset as well. 

Maybe you should start leaving them bills for all the stuff you do all year long, then maybe instead of paying those bills they will give you a "day off" on mothers day... like write a note with each basket of clean laundry you do fold them and put them on your kids' beds or your husbands bed and put the note on top that says, "laundry $20" and then at dinner time after they eat bring them a check that says, "$5".. maybe next time after their bills accumulate they will be more appriciative! lol .... I read somewhere that if we hired someone to do the jobs a mother does on a daily basis we would have to pay 61,000 a year... make them see that! lol

My stbx also "forgot" that it was mothers day, he kept the kids longer than he should have because it was my day. Oh well, at least I got a cup full of weeds


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## topbanana (Apr 27, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> .only my youngest (10) even remotely acknowledged Mother's Day-- she came down first thing in the morning with two nice homemade things for me.


I'm not sure this is 'remotely' acknowledging Mothers Day. I think your daughter has made a great effort. She made (not bought) some gifts and delivered them in a loving way.

In regards to your teenager: You mention that she wants a better relationship with you but then she 'does this type of thing'. 
This indicates you have certain expectations that she must meet in order for you to have a better relationship. 
In no way am I trying to slate you, but do you see how saying this comes across? 

I might be wrong, but if you're feeling so under appreciated that you barely count your 10 year old's hand-made efforts as a mother's day gift, something within you may be causing it.

I think you may benefit from some individual counselling, especially in regard to parenting your NLD teen. I can't imagine how hard that must be and although I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job, it may be a great opportunity for you to explore all your different feelings surrounding these issues.

I really hope this helps. In no way am I intending to hurt you, and I'm sorry if you feel insulted by this post. I think I'm just trying to see the situation from another perspective.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

IMO children should do something for mothers day and the father should instil in them thats its proper to acknoledge their hard working mom on mothers day.

as for husbands well its their wife not their mother.I acknoledge MY mother on Mothers day.

again I always have my kid preped for moms day. I tell them make sure you are thinking of mom and show her some love on moms day.

as for myself I know its important so I make a small effort to get her something and to tell her verbally what a wonderfull mom she is.


fathers day ususlly goes unnoticed.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

topbanana said:


> I'm not sure this is 'remotely' acknowledging Mothers Day. I think your daughter has made a great effort. She made (not bought) some gifts and delivered them in a loving way.
> 
> In regards to your teenager: You mention that she wants a better relationship with you but then she 'does this type of thing'.
> This indicates you have certain expectations that she must meet in order for you to have a better relationship.
> ...


I didn't mean that referring to my 10 year old, I was totally happy with what she did...my wording was poor-- I was annoyed with the others. She is consistently kind to me (and everyone really). 

We are working with a family counselor for our teen... my main expectation of her is to think of someone besides herself now and again-- and yes, she needs to be less self centered, and think about me as a person if she wants us to have a better relationship. She needs to start treating me decently and not like a checkbook with no feelings who is exists to serve her. 

For example, when I asked that she please stop leaving digusting used feminine products in inappropriate places in the bathroom, her reply was 'What do YOU care, it isn't YOUR bathroom?'-- An appropriate reply is sorry, I will do better from now on. We just started with the counselor a few weeks ago, and being as she said this in FRONT of the counselor we clearly have a long road ahead.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

I didn't get thing for my Wife on Mothers day.. She is not my Mother.. If she got annoyed oh well..

I did however buy some flowers for my Boys to give to her..

But from me nothing at all.. But I did do something nice for my Mother..


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Tool said:


> I didn't get thing for my Wife on Mothers day.. She is not my Mother.. If she got annoyed oh well..
> 
> I did however buy some flowers for my Boys to give to her..
> 
> But from me nothing at all.. But I did do something nice for my Mother..


Your username (Tool) seems to fit. She is the Mother of your children.


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## Tool (Feb 14, 2011)

Yes she is the Mother of my Children.. And my Children got her flowers and a card and said Happy Mothers day to her..

We had brunch with my Parents that morning, and then my Wife went off and spent the day doing what she wanted with her girlfriends and had a blast..

She doesn't get me anything on Father's.. But she makes sure the kids acknowledge it as I did with her.. But we don't get any special treatment from the other half..


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Tool said:


> Yes she is the Mother of my Children.. And my Children got her flowers and a card and said Happy Mothers day to her..
> 
> We had brunch with my Parents that morning, and then my Wife went off and spent the day doing what she wanted with her girlfriends and had a blast..
> 
> She doesn't get me anything on Father's.. But she makes sure the kids acknowledge it as I did with her.. But we don't get any special treatment from the other half..


dude, fathers day is just made up, we are talking bout mothers day :scratchhead:


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## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

I would be sad and annoyed if hubby and our kids ignored me on Mother's Day. Eventhough our oldest is only 4 and my other daughter is only 3mo.'s old, hubby got me lots of prezzies from all of them and thank me for being such a good mom and I feel so appreciated. Every father's day, I do the same for him as well .


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## bab123 (Dec 9, 2010)

I know how you feel. Im good with just a card and a happy mothers day from my husband. But he gave me the most lame card on mothers day this time. It was the kind of card that a son/daughter would give to his/her mother. He is usually pretty good at picking out cards, but not this time.


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## Tempted6119 (Apr 29, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> I had THE lamest Mothers Day EVER--- I am usually not a Hallmark holiday person, but geesh....only my youngest (10) even remotely acknowledged Mother's Day-- she came down first thing in the morning with two nice homemade things for me.
> 
> But my 11 and 16 year old daughters- nothing, and my husband, nothing...no card, no flowers nothing at all.
> 
> It was hard not to feel a bit hurt and unappreciated.


I would have been hurt too. Your husband should have set the example. One year my husband forgot Valentine's Day. I went out and bought myself something really nice and told him Thank You. He has never forgot another holiday. I think he figured out it was cheaper if he bought me the gift, than if I bought it. As we have gotten older, we have gotten much more relaxed about gifts, I don't want as much, am harder to buy for, etc.. and so is he. So many times, we buy our own gifts now and we're both happy. This year he took me shopping, I picked out and paid for the clothes, and he did get me a gift card for my Nook. 

Don't be afraid to show them that you're worth their attention. Even if it means pampering yourself. I've learned if you don't believe in your own self worth, no one else is going to. 

(((Hugs)))


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

some people get caught up in all the made up holidys from Hallmark 


other peoplr are more pratical and realize if you need a card to make you happy then something just isn't right and you have bigger problem than not getting a overpriced card by a company that made up the BS holiday in the first place.


wives and husbands should be telling and showing how much they care for eachother through out the year. Not just on BS holidays.


I know my wife enjoys a surprise out of the blue kind of thing over a you have to buy me something because today is mothers/valentines/grandmothers/seceratery/professional workers/and any other bs holiday they can think of to make more money selling cards to people who are bullied into buying them from their wives.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> some people get caught up in all the made up holidys from Hallmark
> 
> 
> other peoplr are more pratical and realize if you need a card to make you happy then something just isn't right and you have bigger problem than not getting a overpriced card by a company that made up the BS holiday in the first place.
> ...


Like I said, I am feeling unappreciated generally these days


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> Like I said, I am feeling unappreciated generally these days


then be mad it that not that he didn't buy you a card.and tell him so. tell him he needs to step it up and show you how much you mean to him.


but I would be willing to bet he will say right back at ya I feel underapreciated also.

time to reconnect somehow.
spend some time together with out the kids and have more sex.


I'm sure he will go for the more sex part. but tell him what part would work for you.


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

I think one thing you can do is to really go all out for Father's Day. Make a big deal out of it, get your girls involved, and put a lot of effort into making your husband feel appreciated.

This isn't really designed to make them all feel guilty for neglecting you on Mother's Day, but it WILL help your whole family set a better precedent for these types of holidays. If it's memorable and your husband feels genuinely appreciated, then he's much more likely to reciprocate next year. 

Next year, and on other special days, you can be proactive and schedule something for yourself ahead of time. Get a massage, manicure, etc. or make reservations at a nice restaurant for lunch or dinner--you will know you have something to look forward to, and it will get you out of the house and away from your family if they're hurting your feelings.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Husband doesn't get me a card on Mom's Day, but will give his mom a card on V-Day, go figure, pees me off. 
He did take our son so he could pick out a card, and that was enough for me. My older son sent me a text at 9 am, now that's a big deal on Sunday after a Saturday night. He was up at 9 am WOW!!!

More than likely he just got home


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Parenting teens is hard, and marriage is hard, too!

You have a right to your feelings, but I also think you have a responsibility to tell your husband, in advance, what you expect of him. Telling him you want him to remind the kids to make cards for you and for him to do something special for you on Mother's Day is reasonable. If he refuses to do this once you've asked, then that is a problem. But if you haven't communicated your needs CLEARLY, you can't expect him to meet them. He did apologize, so that was good.

I have two teen boys and they are relatively self-centered. A child who dotes on their parents and always does exactly what the parent wants is not a normal or healthy child. This is especially true in the teen years. It is normal for kids to do their own thing and separate from their parents. It is called individuation. That does not mean you have to accept rude or disrespectful behavior, but if you want your teen daughter to serve your emotional needs, you've got it backwards. You as a parent are there to meet her emotional needs, not the other way around.

You made a comment about your daughter being "hard to love" which makes it sound like you love her conditionally. She may sense this and really resent you for it.


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