# It's so complicated



## Lostnotforgotten (Jun 19, 2010)

I'm a young 52 year old woman. I have been married twice. First time was out of high school he was exciting, fun, a little dangerous maybe and quickly became an abusive, addict/alchollic. We were together for 5 yrs and had 2 daughters. He wound up not working much and I had most of the financial and parental responsibilites on me. I wound up getting very sick and in the hospital having a complete hystorectomy at 24. So after that I left.

Met my current husband on the job. Although we did not work for the same company we did have similar jobs. I married my current husband 2 weeks after my divorce was final from #1. I'm my current husbands 2nd wife.

My current husband is 10 yrs older than I am. I brought 2 daughters into the relationship. He was and still is one of the nicest men I have ever known. We were very happy for the first 4 - 5 years then things just gradually started changing. We would go to bed at night and I would make advances to him for intimacy and he would turn me down, then satisfy himself in our bed while I was laying there. He worked long hours and worked hard so would go to bed early. Now, he spends much of his free time in front of the TV watching politics, volunteering, and he joined TOPS, which is mostly women even older than he is, to loose weight. We share very little in common beyond the grand kids. 

Six years into our marriage we moved 2 hours away from all our family. I knew then and said this was either going to make us or break us. I has been a slow death to the romatic part of our relationship. A ton of life stuff has happened as it does for everyone. I lost both my parents a year appart, one daughter had a suicidal phase of adolescene, she's fine now thank god. We discovered that this husband had a problem with drinking also but he has been sober for many years now.

I have seperated 3 times from my husband. I have kept a journal off an on over the years and I read it a couple weeks ago. I found myself reading the same thing over and over again. How lonely I was, what was missing, how he didn't seemto really get me. We have had 2 very long periods with no sex or intimacy at all, the latest is 11+ years. The thought of having sex with him feels like incest, sounds weird I know. When I do talk about it to friends no one believes me, what man puts up with this? Why do I put up with this? Here is partly the reason, we are comfortable, we never fight, really never have. He is a very soft spoken man who is afraid to make me mad because I might leave. Yet he knows that alone might make me leave. 

I recently visited my youngest daughter, who is all grown up and has her own daughters now. She shared with me things I never thought my girls saw growing up. She validated my feelings of being married but still feeling like a single parent. It was amazing and wonderful and sad at the same time. 

I have tried to leave this marriage 3 times over the last 20 years. I am committed to my husband but I clearly don't have the connection that a good marriage should have. I miss being in love and having someone touch me mentally and physically.
I love his family so much. His mother is very old and frail and I fear that if I leave now it would be to much for her and I couldn't live with myself if something happened because I left. I have to consider that I will loose his family, thats really hard.

I know my story is long. If anyone has taken the time to read it all thank you. Anyone out there have any advice?
Thank you


----------

