# Paternity test questions



## DreadHeadHusband

I recently posted a thread about my wife cheating on me after three days of talking she finally told me why and how, the truth this time. 

I used to play mind games with her and would tell her I was seeing other women, this obviously messed her up in combination of the Death of our first born son. Anyway she was working and met a coworker who she had sex with out of revenge I guess and she said he wore a condom. This was after we had sex and I wore no condom and "released inside her". Anyhow she gets pregnant

The guy spots her one day with her baby bump and asks if it's his she told him don't worry about it. He then threatened to to tell me so that is what began the year long affair to keep him silent. After the baby was born he saw her again and asked if she would get a test done saying he wanted to be there.

After she confessed to me I immediately started thinking of my child and my rights as the man who has been raising her, she is only 2 and has only been around him a few times.

Is there any way this man can claim parent rights over me when I was there from her birth to now taking care of her while he has not supported at all, except by sleeping with my wife to keep from telling me about them? He has no job, lives with his mother and it is a drug related inviroment.


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## harrybrown

Did the test show if you are the father?

File for D.

She has been cheating and is still lying to you.

now it is a year and not the small amount of time that she told you.

She can't remember her lies.

Go see your attorney. tell her she can go live with her boyfriend. How would she feel if you had an A?

And stop the games, this is not helping, telling her that you had a A. 

Keep posting in one thread. Do not keep starting new ones.


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## sokillme

If your name is on the birth certificate then the kid is yours as far as I know from reading on these boards. You may want to check with an attorney though. 

I would not believe the bull**** about her wanting revenge and him threatening her. Most guys who have affairs with women don't want the responsibly of a kid, they just want the sex. Your wife is not a very good person to say it nicely. You have absolutely no idea what she is capable of, what she has done to you is probably one of the worst things any human being can do to another, don't take responsibility for her treating you like crap. You wife is not to believed in anything. 

I'm very sorry dude.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Wow, just, wow. 


You used to tell her you were seeing other women? Now, I understand why you blame yourself for the problems in your marriage. No, her affair wasn't right, but please add some major context because you don't look to good either. Now, Paternity fraud is worse than cheating to me, but mental abuse is right there and it is what you did by constantly attacking your wife's self worth.

Oh and you realize what she said is akin to sexual assault charges right? Yes, look it up. Extortion for sex is a punishable offense in some states. So, now that it is out in the open, the first thing you do is suggest she talks to the cops. I say this for two reasons:
1) He needs to be punished because he may have done this to other women.
2) We have a few threads where women have made similar accusations and have backed off when pushed to file actual charges against their AP.


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## arbitrator

DreadHeadHusband said:


> I recently posted a thread about my wife cheating on me after three days of talking she finally told me why and how, the truth this time.
> 
> I used to play mind games with her and would tell her I was seeing other women, this obviously messed her up in combination of the Death of our first born son. Anyway she was working and met a coworker who she had sex with out of revenge I guess and she said he wore a condom. This was after we had sex and I wore no condom and "released inside her". Anyhow she gets pregnant
> 
> The guy spots her one day with her baby bump and asks if it's his she told him don't worry about it. He then threatened to to tell me so that is what began the year long affair to keep him silent. After the baby was born he saw her again and asked if she would get a test done saying he wanted to be there.
> 
> After she confessed to me I immediately started thinking of my child and my rights as the man who has been raising her, she is only 2 and has only been around him a few times.
> 
> Is there any way this man can claim parent rights over me when I was there from her birth to now taking care of her while he has not supported at all, except by sleeping with my wife to keep from telling me about them? He has no job, lives with his mother and it is a drug related inviroment.


*If he has the money to hire a lawyer and can convince a presiding judge with any substantiating evidence to the fact, then it's a real possibility! And in such a hearing, it can get awfully ugly in there!

In any event, you ought to bottom line her and just "cash her check" and file for divorce!*


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## DreadHeadHusband

harrybrown said:


> Did the test show if you are the father?
> 
> File for D.
> 
> She has been cheating and is still lying to you.
> 
> now it is a year and not the small amount of time that she told you.
> 
> She can't remember her lies.
> 
> Go see your attorney. tell her she can go live with her boyfriend. How would she feel if you had an A?
> 
> And stop the games, this is not helping, telling her that you had a A.
> 
> Keep posting in one thread. Do not keep starting new ones.



We haven't taken the test yet the places around here are closed so I posted here.

As sad as it sounds I don't want a divorce I still want the family I started. She has already agreed to some requirements I was advised to come up with for her to regain my trust and so I can feel comfortable in my marriage again.

She would feel the same way I feel now if I had and A and she sees that everyday since she's told me. I also see where all the fights and arguments this past year have originated from 

I'm sry for posting more than one thread


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## DreadHeadHusband

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Wow, just, wow.
> 
> 
> You used to tell her you were seeing other women? Now, I understand why you blame yourself for the problems in your marriage. No, her affair wasn't right, but please add some major context because you don't look to good either. Now, Paternity fraud is worse than cheating to me, but mental abuse is right there and it is what you did by constantly attacking your wife's self worth.


Yes this is true and I know that now it had completely slipped my mind these past couple of days that I used to do that, as soon as she told me why I started taking full responsibility of what is going on


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## DreadHeadHusband

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Oh and you realize what she said is akin to sexual assault charges right? Yes, look it up. Coercion for sex is a punishable offense in many states. So, now that it is out in the open, the first thing you do is suggest she talks to the cops. I say this for two reasons:
> 1) He needs to be punished because he may have done this to other women.
> 2) We have a few threads where women have made similar accusations and have backed off when pushed to file actual charges against their AP.


And I just talked to her she says there were times when she told him she just wanted to go home, but then again his family knew she was sleeping with him and that the child could be his, is this there family's word against hers?


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## EleGirl

You will need to check the laws in your state.

In most states, a woman’s husband is considered the legal father to any children born and/or conceived during their marriage. My understanding is that this guy would have no legal standing to try to get legally recognized as the father of this child since you are married to the mother of the child.

If you want to know if you are the actual biological father of the child, you can get a DNA paternity test at any drug store. They are not very expensive. Get the test run and find out.

And why is this creep around your child at all?

Now about you. You actually used to tell you wife that you were cheating? Well I guess she believed you. About 50% of all betrayed spouses end up having what are called revenge affairs.

After you telling her that, how can you even prove to her that you did not cheat?

Are you considering reconciliation with your wife?


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## DreadHeadHusband

arbitrator said:


> DreadHeadHusband said:
> 
> 
> 
> I recently posted a thread about my wife cheating on me after three days of talking she finally told me why and how, the truth this time.
> 
> I used to play mind games with her and would tell her I was seeing other women, this obviously messed her up in combination of the Death of our first born son. Anyway she was working and met a coworker who she had sex with out of revenge I guess and she said he wore a condom. This was after we had sex and I wore no condom and "released inside her". Anyhow she gets pregnant
> 
> The guy spots her one day with her baby bump and asks if it's his she told him don't worry about it. He then threatened to to tell me so that is what began the year long affair to keep him silent. After the baby was born he saw her again and asked if she would get a test done saying he wanted to be there.
> 
> After she confessed to me I immediately started thinking of my child and my rights as the man who has been raising her, she is only 2 and has only been around him a few times.
> 
> Is there any way this man can claim parent rights over me when I was there from her birth to now taking care of her while he has not supported at all, except by sleeping with my wife to keep from telling me about them? He has no job, lives with his mother and it is a drug related inviroment.
> 
> 
> 
> *If he has the money to hire a lawyer and can convince a presiding judge with any substantiating evidence to the fact, then it's a real possibility! And in such a hearing, it can get awfully ugly in there!
> 
> In any event, you ought to bottom line her and just "cash her check" and file for divorce!*
Click to expand...

She says he can't hold onto money and never has any nor his mother who he lives with


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## phillybeffandswiss

DreadHeadHusband said:


> And I just talked to her she says there were times when she told him she just wanted to go home, but then again his family knew she was sleeping with him and that the child could be his, is this there family's word against hers?


You aren't a lawyer and you are not a police officer, it isn't your call to make. Let them tell you guys the laws, statuettes, charges or whatever that can or cannot be pursued. I mean now she is implying kidnapping.


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## EleGirl

@DreadHeadHusband

A lot of people here are going to push you to divorce your wife. You need to decide for yourself what you want to do with your marriage. About 75% of marriage recover from infidelity and go on the do just fine. 

Here are some books that can really help you and your wife recover your marriage if that is the route you want to go.

*How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful by Linda J. MacDonald *


If you look in my signature block below there are links to two more books that will help you and your wife restructure your marriage into a much healthier marriage:
*
Love Busters

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage *


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## phillybeffandswiss

DreadHeadHusband said:


> She says he can't hold onto money and never has any nor his mother who he lives with


So, are you letting her read this thread as you respond? I mean she sure is giving you some instant responses and you are coming back pretty dang quick.

Don't worry, many people will show up and push you to reconcile. Take the time to make sure whichever decision you choose to make is right for you.


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## DreadHeadHusband

EleGirl said:


> You will need to check the laws in your state.
> 
> In most states, a woman?s husband is considered the legal father to any children born and/or conceived during their marriage. My understanding is that this guy would have no legal standing to try to get legally recognized as the father of this child since you are married to the mother of the child.
> 
> If you want to know if you are the actual biological father of the child, you can get a DNA paternity test at any drug store. They are not very expensive. Get the test run and find out.
> 
> And why is this creep around your child at all?
> 
> Now about you. You actually used to tell you wife that you were cheating? Well I guess she believed you. About 50% of all betrayed spouses end up having what are called revenge affairs.
> 
> After you telling her that, how can you even prove to her that you did not cheat?
> 
> Are you considering reconciliation with your wife?


She would drop the sister off at her mothers house and he would be there and sometimes she took the kids to play in their yard


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## DreadHeadHusband

phillybeffandswiss said:


> DreadHeadHusband said:
> 
> 
> 
> She says he can't hold onto money and never has any nor his mother who he lives with
> 
> 
> 
> So, are you letting her read this thread as you respond? I mean she sure is giving you some instant responses and you are coming back pretty dang quick.
> 
> Don't worry, many people will show up and push you to reconcile. Take the time to make sure whichever decision you choose to make is right for you.
Click to expand...

Know she is sitting on the end of the bed while I'm asking her more questions and on my phone

I was taking the time to consider what to do but now knowing my child may not be mine has me focused on insuring I can't lose any kind of parent rights if the child isnt mine


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## DreadHeadHusband

EleGirl said:


> After you telling her that, how can you even prove to her that you did not cheat?
> 
> Are you considering reconciliation with your wife?


I cant prove to her that I wasn't cheating, but I know I was always loyal and faithful to my wife no matter how much I talked. I was a virgin when I met her and have only been inside of her, I haven't even kissed another woman, looked? Yes but physically I haven't 

I am considering reconciling with my wife because I still love her and still want my family whole, as of right now I have no thought of leaving or divorcing her. I started this a lil bit


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## phillybeffandswiss

DreadHeadHusband said:


> She would drop the sister off at her mothers house and he would be there and sometimes she took the kids to play in their yard


Please explain this further. How many kids does she have? How many kids do you have together? Why would the guy be at her mother's house?


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## phillybeffandswiss

This is reference for the people who might be put off because sokillme and myself are suggesting she is lying about being blackmailed for sex.
First TRUTH.


DreadHeadHusband said:


> My wife would take a friend and her mother to work and home from work just to be nice. Recently I found a drivers license in our car and questioned her about it. She said "the mother was paying her sons driving ticket", okay I believed that and thought nothing of it.
> 
> Then we got into an argument on Mothers Day because I refused to get her anything since I don't do holidays and the license came up again. Then while she was in the shower I got sense she was hiding something and went in her phone. The same dude on the license text her with "wyd?". I checked the msg then put the phone back, she came out the shower and went in her phone. I check it again she deleted it but I took screenshots of it.
> 
> Turns out she deliberately went through my phone to block the guy from Facebook because she was ****ing him several times. This is all what she admitted. Said they stated having sex after he listened to her one night (something I admit I don't do a lot of) but it was about our marital problems, which in my eyes gave him ammo for the kill. After the first time all he had to do to have sex with her was ask and they did.
> 
> I have had her here in our crying all day while she sees me suffering with this begging me to stay and that she won't do it again. I don't want to end my marriage but this **** really hurts. I need advice plz we have two lol girls and I don't want them living through a divorce.


The "this time" TRUTH.


DreadHeadHusband said:


> I recently posted a thread about my wife cheating on me after three days of talking she finally told me why and how, the truth this time.
> 
> I used to play mind games with her and would tell her I was seeing other women, this obviously messed her up in combination of the Death of our first born son. Anyway she was working and met a coworker who she had sex with out of revenge I guess and she said he wore a condom. This was after we had sex and I wore no condom and "released inside her". Anyhow she gets pregnant
> 
> The guy spots her one day with her baby bump and asks if it's his she told him don't worry about it. He then threatened to to tell me so that is what began the year long affair to keep him silent. After the baby was born he saw her again and asked if she would get a test done saying he wanted to be there.
> 
> After she confessed to me I immediately started thinking of my child and my rights as the man who has been raising her, she is only 2 and has only been around him a few times.
> 
> Is there any way this man can claim parent rights over me when I was there from her birth to now taking care of her while he has not supported at all, except by sleeping with my wife to keep from telling me about them? He has no job, lives with his mother and it is a drug related inviroment.


 These are two WILDLY different stories and the second one was told AFTER he started doubting the marriage.


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## DreadHeadHusband

Okay The mother has 4 kids including the guy my wife was sleeping with, 3 boys 1 girl, the sister and mother needed rides home from work and sometimes to work. On days they were off my wife would take my two kids over to their house to play because they have a big yard and he was always home because again, jobless


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## DreadHeadHusband

The first time they ever had sex was after we had unprotected sex, after that she became pregnant. He spotted her one day near the end of her pregnancy and assumed it was his. She had the baby and the guy msg her without me knowing that he wanted to get tested as the father. She denied it but he threatened to expose their affair and the baby possibly being his to me. So they had sex until recently and he kept quiet. He still did it give her any support for the child as she says and has not confronted me now going on Day 3 since I found out.


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## sokillme

DreadHeadHusband said:


> The first time they ever had sex was after we had unprotected sex, after that she became pregnant. He spotted her one day near the end of her pregnancy and assumed it was his. She had the baby and the guy msg her without me knowing that he wanted to get tested as the father. She denied it but he threatened to expose their affair and the baby possibly being his to me. So they had sex until recently and he kept quiet. He still did it give her any support for the child as she says and has not confronted me now going on Day 3 since I found out.


Why would you believe any of this. It's much more plausible she had a run of the mill affair, got pregnant and decided to have his baby and only fessed up because she got caught. Now she is making up this whole blackmail story because the truth is to monstrous. She had already emotionally detached from you because she thought you cheated (for some strange reason you lied about that or you are lying about not cheating here because she is reading it). Now that she is caught she is panicked. It's also probably harder for her to justify the destruction you caused when she sees the results. Plus the other dude isn't going to support her or the kid because he lives with his mom. 

Just because she is crying and saying she is sorry doesn't mean she loves you though or she is a good choice to stay with. Look at her actions not her words, frankly her actions say she hates you, most wouldn't do this to their worst enemy. Though maybe you cheated too so there is that, maybe she thinks of you as her worst enemy. Either way your relationship is a mess. Maybe you can salvage it but it's now an ocean under the bridge. I am not even sure why you would want to. There are a lot of women out there like 99% who wouldn't deceive a man into raising the kid of a man she is ****ing on the side. I mean it makes some evolutionary sense when the guy whose kid you have can't even support himself. Like the kid needs food and shelter and you can help her do what he is too much of a loser to do, but I can't think of much lower more selfish thing to do to another person. Seems like a waste to give so much devotion to someone who could do you so wrong. Your life though.

Besides all that you have no idea what really happened but I bet I am closer to the truth then she is. Why would you believe anything from a person who would commit paternity fraud anyway? While she is sitting there ask her how long she was prepared to allow you to raise another mans baby. I think I told you on the last thread, cheaters lie, and then they lie again, it's in their nature. And here we are with her still lying to you.


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## phillybeffandswiss

DreadHeadHusband said:


> The first time they ever had sex was after we had unprotected sex, after that she became pregnant.


 So, you believe it was a one night stand?



> He spotted her one day near the end of her pregnancy and assumed it was his.


So, they NEVER saw each other again and he just realized she was pregnant?



> She had the baby and the guy msg her without me knowing that he wanted to get tested as the father.


 Oh, so he just spotted her, but happened to have her number? 



> She denied it but he threatened to expose their affair and the baby possibly being his to me. So they had sex until recently and he kept quiet.


So, he has her number, it was a one night stand, they just happened to bump into each other and NOW he extorts sex from her?



> He still did it give her any support for the child as she says and has not confronted me now going on Day 3 since I found out.


Why would a guy support his affair partners child? You just said she said no DNA test so, he gets more sex and you foot the bill. Interesting so, you are in full defense mode of your wife. This happens when people want to reconcile in a quick fashion. Do I believe a woman can be extorted through blackmail to have sex? Yes, I do.

You do understand if it was consensual sex, which is what I believe, why would he talk to you or confront you at all? He'd wait until this all blows over and they would find other means of contact. This makes more sense than this weird convoluted and contradictory story your wife is trying to pass off as legit IMO.


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## DreadHeadHusband

We tried to talk it out I couldn't do it, just started the divorce process


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## SunCMars

EleGirl said:


> @DreadHeadHusband
> 
> A lot of people here are going to push you to divorce your wife. You need to decide for yourself what you want to do with your marriage. About 75% of marriage recover from infidelity and go on the do just fine.
> 
> [/B]


I am not round. I am mostly straight up and down, even sideways viewed.

With those thoughts in mind...I have been rolled. Thumped on the head, my selfish thoughts of revenge taken.

Taken and "cast to the wind".

That EleGirl...has fast hands and sound advice. If reason is your God, she deserves an ear.

*Since YOU do not mind..and "if" she does not mind, your' claiming and raising the child as your own. Do it.* :grin2:

In this case, it is in the child's best interest; and in this instance.

Who am I to argue? :| Bless you for forgiving her..and admitting your own foolish remarks that were earlier said in your marriage.


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## EleGirl

DreadHeadHusband said:


> We tried to talk it out I couldn't do it, just started the divorce process


Have you run a DNA test on your children yet? Yes I suggest you do it on both of your children.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Well, you better get a lawyer ASAP. Laws are funky when it comes to paternity fraud, they favor women, you better get a DNA test ASAP after you talk to a lawyer.


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## Diana7

DreadHeadHusband said:


> I cant prove to her that I wasn't cheating, but I know I was always loyal and faithful to my wife no matter how much I talked. I was a virgin when I met her and have only been inside of her, I haven't even kissed another woman, looked? Yes but physically I haven't
> 
> I am considering reconciling with my wife because I still love her and still want my family whole, as of right now I have no thought of leaving or divorcing her. I started this a lil bit


Why oh why did you tell her you were cheating when you weren't? No wonder things got messed up. :frown2:


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