# Facebook reconciled too??



## Vols74

My wife & I (of 4.5 years) were separated this same time last year for a few months. During our separation, we worked on our own issues, and we also were in counseling together & worked on our marriage. Within a few months and with God's grace and strength, we were back together & have been happy since. Prior to being separated, we had a joint Facebook account. Not long after we separated last year, I started my own Facebook account. After we got back together this past February, all the way up until last weekend - she has not said or had a problem with me having my own Facebook. Now, out of nowhere, since this is sort of the 'anniversary time of when we were separated', she has asked me to delete my Facebook and for us to have a joint one again. Her reasoning is because she wants to "do over" bad memories. See, she believes that I separated our FB accounts out of anger after we separated. I told her that wasn't true that I just wanted my own identity, my own profile, to be able to have my own friends. I told her that I would give her my password, let her regulate my postings, my friends, even delete any friends off of my FB if that was a concern. She insists that it isn't anything to do with jealousy or lack of trust. She says she simply wants us to have our joint FB account again and then if we choose to separate them out later, it will be on mutually good terms and not out of anger, like I did last time. I can not figure this one out. We have processed everything that led us up to separation in therapy (8 months ago, haven't been since). Out of nowhere she asks me to do this. I do not want to do this. I've spent all this time building up my own Facebook, finding old friends, putting my own content, etc. and I explained to her that my friends did not feel comfortable posting their nerdy comments on our joint facebook page, and that they do when i have my own page. I don't understand her request to do this and I feel like she is trying to control me. She is almost to the point of saying 'it's me or facebook'. When I told her that I didn't want to delete mine, she says "well that's your choice and I don't have to live with your choice". I don't know what to do or how to help ease her insecurities. Any suggestions?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Wow, what a controlling wife you have. Put your foot down and keep your Facebook. 

I'm not sure giving her the password would be such a great idea, she may delete your account. I agree with you that you need your own identity. Your wife is taking this way too far.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shooboomafoo

.. now turn your head and cough...
Ask her where her personal facebook page is.


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## justabovewater

Does your FB account really identify you? Delete the darn thing, it's not worth it.


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## Patricia B. Pina

You are letting her control you too much.
Don't do it.


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## totallyduped

Get rid of the Facebook Page. Let me tell you it is not worth it. Facebook has destroyed my marriage and my trust in my husband. Old girlfriends, sneaky messages that have now turned into physical contact and phone calls and texts. Your wife is more important than a Facebook page and if you don't get that you better think again.Facebook allows people to intrude into your life and opens a door that may allow anything in. I've seen it happen many times. Facebook is not worth the pain it causes.


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## GreenEyes

totallyduped said:


> Get rid of the Facebook Page. Let me tell you it is not worth it. Facebook has destroyed my marriage and my trust in my husband. Old girlfriends, sneaky messages that have now turned into physical contact and phone calls and texts. Your wife is more important than a Facebook page and if you don't get that you better think again.Facebook allows people to intrude into your life and opens a door that may allow anything in. I've seen it happen many times. Facebook is not worth the pain it causes.


:iagree: About 80 times over. Me and my H getting rid of our facebook accounts was the best thing we have ever done...and guess what we survived!!!! Facebook should not be what's giving you your identity...me and my H still have our own friends and hang out with them once in a while


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## SunnyT

*Facebook has destroyed my marriage *

Facebook is just a medium.... PEOPLE destroy marriages. 

And this post isn't REALLY about Facebook.... it's about his wife "not allowing" him individual choices. Nothing wrong with a family FB page, good idea actually.... but nothing wrong with independence either!


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## GreenEyes

If it's not really about Facebook, he should go ahead and do the joint account, and if she still finds something in his life to try and control, then it's another issue, but the OP is specifically talking about his facebook account right now.. Facebook is not an individual choice that is worth sacrificing your marriage over.


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## that_girl

All this mess over Facebook.

Keep your own profile. There is nothing more yuck on FB than the couples who are SallyandBob Smith. Gag me.

Keep the facebook but make it available for her to see. I don't see the problem-- I guess because FB has never been an issue in my marriage. My friends on there are mostly female. The male friends are family.


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## Hope1964

I agree it does sound controlling, but did your break up have anything to do with cheating?

My husband and I have both deleted our facebook accounts and it was one of the best things we did for our marriage.


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## that_girl

I have had FB for almost 10 years..or whenever it came out.

I have never met anyone through it. I have never dated anyone through it.

If someone was to say I was using it to cheat, I would laugh...it's simply a place for pics of my family and to chat with my female friends.

It's not FB. It's the person who is using it that causes the problems.


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## GreenEyes

Not everyone uses facebook for good, and some people can sign up with good intentions and get dragged into the "good days" talking to an ex or meet someone through mutual friends. Yes of course it could happen a number of ways not just facebook, and I know millions of couples have separate accounts and it works out just fine, but if one of the spouses is not comfortable with that then it doesn't work, it's a website, in the big picture it really isn't important....Idk facebook would not be more important to me than my SO if that was the case....


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## SarahH

Facebook one of the worst things for a marriage I can understand her wanting you to delete your facebook page. My husband deleted his when we got back together because that is where he started talking to his ex who he ended up leaving me for. Just have a joint fb to let her know that you are in the marriage for good.


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