# Husband nervous around women but this one woman seduces him



## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Husband is 37 and is nervous and shy around many women, e.g. neighbors' wives, our friends' wives, random women on the street, and ranging from a teenager to a woman in her 50s. He said he's not interested in them, he's just weird and awkward whenever he finds someone attractive. 

But some women seem to misunderstand his shyness as to mean that he is interested in them or that he's in love with them. So, some of them start to seduce him, but this one woman bothers me the most because she's 3 years older than him and 6 years older than me. She has been seducing my husband by standing with her butt pushed out, speaking with a seductive tone of voice when she's near him, and smile randomly in his direction. 

When I brought this up to our friends including a priest, they all say that I have wrong perceptions without doing any work to verify my perceptions first. 
What makes it sound like my perception is wrong? Is the way I'm saying it just sounds very stupid? 
Can people not tell if a woman is trying to seduce another man with her butt?


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

They can't judge without context, without actually seeing her body language, etc.

I'm similar to your husband. I tell my wife she is my safe harbor from "nasty" women, which can include women I find attractive. This is because I'm very shy and never learned how to read or deal with social cues. At age 75 I finally became able to accept touch in massage or, as my wife once put it, "letting women put their hands all over your body."' I still feel anxiety going into the session, but mellow out by the time the massage therapist has begun working my calves (pure heaven).


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Is this something he is telling you or are you seeing this yourself and this is how you are interpreting her actions

The reason is women will often see other women interacting with a man and think that her behavior is outrageously brazen and over the to $lu++y.

But a man often won’t have a clue or think anything of it. Men often have a difficult time picking on women’s subtle clues but other women may think they are being over the top.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> They can't judge without context, without actually seeing her body language, etc.
> 
> I'm similar to your husband. I tell my wife she is my safe harbor from "nasty" women, which can include women I find attractive. This is because I'm very shy and never learned how to read or deal with social cues. At age 75 I finally became able to accept touch in massage or, as my wife once put it, "letting women put their hands all over your body."' I still feel anxiety going into the session, but mellow out by the time the massage therapist has begun working my calves (pure heaven).


But they can judge that my perception is wrong? 
They should at least say that they don't know if I'm right, instead of calling me crazy and that I'm seeing things that are not there. 

These women are nasty to me and not to my husband. They like my husband and they disrespect me.
It hurts but my husband seems to not care.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

oldshirt said:


> Is this something he is telling you or are you seeing this yourself and this is how you are interpreting her actions
> 
> The reason is women will often see other women interacting with a man and think that her behavior is outrageously brazen and over the to $lu++y.
> 
> But a man often won’t have a clue or think anything of it. Men often have a difficult time picking on women’s subtle clues but other women may think they are being over the top.


He doesn't think she's seducing him. I told him "how can you not see that a woman is perking her ass to entice you"?
I'm not interpreting her actions, I see her actions. I see it when she went from standing normally to perking her ass when he's near her. 
I heard her voice changing from a low note to a high note and her way of talking is seductive. 

Many women notice that my husband is nervous around them, but I don't see them so things that this woman does. If I think that all those women act that way, then I can see one might think I'm just seeing things. But I notice only this one old woman and I originally didn't think she's pretty until I found out that my husband is nervous around her


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I read your posts on the “anxiety” thread.

you have serious structural problems in your relationship with your husband that would likely require serious marital counseling to address and you may even have some issues that you would benefit from individual assessment and therapy as well.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

oldshirt said:


> I read your posts on the “anxiety” thread.
> 
> you have serious structural problems in your relationship with your husband that would likely require serious marital counseling to address and you may even have some issues that you would benefit from individual assessment and therapy as well.


What do you mean by structural problem?

We've spoken to three counselors, 2 are men and 1 is woman. Nothing got fixed.
We spoke to 4 separate friends. Nothing changes either. In fact, during our last therapy with a priest, my husband was so mad, he stood up from the couch, clenched his two fists, looked at me, and took a short step towards me. I thought he was going to punch me.
It made the situation worse, and now I just avoid seeing him all day, except when I have to spend 15 minutes with my son.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Sounds like the least of your worries is a woman allegedly sticking her butt out when your husband is around.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Livvie said:


> Sounds like the least of your worries is a woman allegedly sticking her butt out when your husband is around.


She's trying to steal my husband by enticing him to lust over her. That's not enough to worry about?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> She's trying to steal my husband by enticing him to lust over her. That's not enough to worry about?


She's "enticing him to lust over her"? Oh my.

Does he have no control over himself that he can't resist a thrust out butt and seductive tone of voice? That's the problem, not the thrust butt seductive voiced woman.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Has your husband taken any interest in her Advances ?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> She's trying to steal my husband by enticing him to lust over her. That's not enough to worry about?


She's not stealing him. 

You are handing him over to her on a silver platter.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Jimi007 said:


> Has your husband taken any interest in her Advances ?


He's super nervous and shy around her. I saw them walked pass each other and they both looked shy for each other like a new couple that just started to have feelings for each other and being shy around each other, you know the shy stage before the guy started to ask the girl out stage. 
It seems to be a sexual tension going on between them, so I'd guess that he's beginning to be interested.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

oldshirt said:


> She's not stealing him.
> 
> You are handing him over to her on a silver platter.


She is stealing him, but I don't want to fight for a man who is interested in someone else. I don't want to live with someone whose heart is with another woman.
If she's that special for him, he can go to her any day, but he's too coward to make a move. He doesn't know that she likes him back.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> What do you mean by structural problem?
> 
> We've spoken to three counselors, 2 are men and 1 is woman. Nothing got fixed.
> We spoke to 4 separate friends. Nothing changes either. In fact, during our last therapy with a priest, my husband was so mad, he stood up from the couch, clenched his two fists, looked at me, and took a short step towards me. I thought he was going to punch me.
> It made the situation worse, and now I just avoid seeing him all day, except when I have to spend 15 minutes with my son.


(The following is your post on the other thread. What I mean by structural problems is the very foundations of your relationship are unstable. you want him to chase you all the time but won't even be in the same room with him. You are worried that some other woman is trying to seduce him but you haven't had sex with him in 4 and half years. You accuse him of almost becoming violent in front of a priest. .......Need I go on? )


I don't have a lot to advise but maybe my experience can help you understand your wife better?
I've been angry at my husband for finding so many women attractive since I was pregnant 4 .5 years ago. He has confirmed that he finds them them attractive but that he doesn't desire them. I don't believe him because he's so nervous around this one woman and he looks so pale whenever she's in his sight. He refuses to talk things out with me without a third person, so things have just been getting worse. We haven't had sex for 4.5 years and I don't see him most of the time despite living in the same house. I'd go to a different room so I don't see him.

My point is: things are not working out because my husband has not been willing to talk things out with me when I want to and he has not constantly confirming that he loves me and not these women with explanations for why he's nervous around them but not in love with them.

Women wants to be constantly pursued and desired by her husband. For me, this would mean that he's available to talk things through when I need it, and that he constantly affirming his love for me.

I don't know if this would help you.
Sorry that you're going through this. I hope things workout.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> He's super nervous and shy around her. I saw them walked pass each other and they both looked shy for each other like a new couple that just started to have feelings for each other and being shy around each other, you know the shy stage before the guy started to ask the girl out stage.
> It seems to be a sexual tension going on between them, so I'd guess that he's beginning to be interested.


That seems like an awful lot of conjecture on your part.. Who is this woman ? A friend , neighbor ? Sounds like you don't trust your husband at all. Has he given you reason 🤔 ?


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Jimi007 said:


> That seems like an awful lot of conjecture on your part.. Who is this woman ? A friend , neighbor ? Sounds like you don't trust your husband at all. Has he given you reason 🤔 ?


She's a married woman who goes to the same church.
It's hard not to doubt when he constantly finds other women attractive. I'm afraid it's just a matter of time that he'll cheat. 
He hasn't done anything physical, but he used to tell me that he was having a hard time not feeling attracted to a friend's wife. 
One time he told me that he's sorry for kept thinking of the female friend after hugging her goodbye 
Another time, he said he thought of caressing the face of another female friend when she walked into the room.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> She's a married woman who goes to the same church.
> It's hard not to doubt when he constantly finds other women attractive. I'm afraid it's just a matter of time that he'll cheat.
> He hasn't done anything physical, but he used to tell me that he was having a hard time not feeling attracted to a friend's wife.
> One time he told me that he's sorry for kept thinking of the female friend after hugging her goodbye
> Another time, he said he thought of caressing the face of another female friend when she walked into the room.


It sounds like he wants you to be insecure.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

UAArchangel said:


> It sounds like he wants you to be insecure.


No, he said he's an awkward guy who gets nervous whenever he finds someone pretty.
He seems to worship women, put them on a pedestal, and too timid by them, or he's mentally illed and need to see a psychologist. 

I told him that before but he said I'm the mentally illed one to be jealous. He said I need to go on medications.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Jimi007 said:


> That seems like an awful lot of conjecture on your part.. Who is this woman ? A friend , neighbor ? Sounds like you don't trust your husband at all. Has he given you reason 🤔 ?


And how can I not think this way when he acts super nervous around her. He becomes physically shaky sometimes, and his face is always so pale, and sometimes he looks so nervous that he looks like he was going to pee his pants. 
If a husband can be that nervous around another woman, doesn't it mean that he likes her an awful lot?


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> No, he said he's an awkward guy who gets nervous whenever he finds someone pretty.
> He seems to worship women, put them on a pedestal, and too timid by them, or he's mentally illed and need to see a psychologist.
> 
> I told him that before but he said I'm the mentally illed one to be jealous. He said I need to go on medications.


The fact that he is telling you this is an issue for me. No matter how attractive your spouse might be, there will be somebody from time to time who will attract your attention longer than it should. His telling you has made you rightfully insecure.

What he should be doing , when this happens, is that he should go home and give you all the attention in the world and not say a word about it.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

oldshirt said:


> (The following is your post on the other thread. What I mean by structural problems is the very foundations of your relationship are unstable. you want him to chase you all the time but won't even be in the same room with him. You are worried that some other woman is trying to seduce him but you haven't had sex with him in 4 and half years. You accuse him of almost becoming violent in front of a priest. .......Need I go on? )
> 
> 
> I don't have a lot to advise but maybe my experience can help you understand your wife better?
> ...


Because he appears to be so into the other woman, it makes me feel like he's using me as a sex doll to get his relief for the other woman. 

He can pursue me when I'm in the other room if he wants to pursue.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

So what exactly do you want him to do ?

Get on meds that change the way he thinks ?
Guys look at attractive women all the time. 

It doesn't mean he's going to step out on you


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> She's trying to steal my husband by enticing him to lust over her. That's not enough to worry about?





oldshirt said:


> She's not stealing him.
> 
> You are handing him over to her on a silver platter.


Maybe she's just doing it because she too knows that he's turned on by her so she's just taking advantage of the situation to validate herself or have some fun or both.

All a man has to do is flirt back and start playing the game and one thing may lead to the next.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Jimi007 said:


> So what exactly do you want him to do ?
> 
> Get on meds that change the way he thinks ?
> Guys look at attractive women all the time.
> ...


It is the mentioning it that is hurting her. Why tell her about the sex bomb that he saw today?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> It sounds like he wants you to be insecure.


My ex actually got mad at me if I failed to tell her all these things, including new female staff working with us. We got into a lot of fights over it because I just found it so irrelevant  

I assumed that's why she felt the need to tell me in return about stubborn orbiters or what people tried on her during the day.

It could be the case with OP's husband.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> My ex actually got mad at me if I failed to tell her all these things, including new female staff working with us. We got into a lot of fights over it because I just found it so irrelevant
> 
> I assumed that's why she felt the need to tell me in return about stubborn orbiters or what people tried on her during the day.
> 
> It could be the case with OP's husband.


I would probably still be inclined to not mention a woman who hits both sides of a door frame because she swings her hips that wide.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> I would probably still be inclined to not mention a woman who hits both sides of a door from because she swings her hips that wide.


I didn't want to mention it either because she went on stalking sprees in social media over non existential threats  

Alas, some people just feel inclined because that's what in return. Starting to think different people just have different expectations of love.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Jimi007 said:


> So what exactly do you want him to do ?
> 
> Get on meds that change the way he thinks ?
> Guys look at attractive women all the time.
> ...


His standard for attractiveness is very low which makes him find almost just any female attractive. And this very hard on me because everywhere we go, I have to see him like other women. No wouldn't start to doubt if he's attracted to other women all the time like this, he's like horny teenage boy, except he's a grown 37 yr old man. 

I don't think he needs meds but he needs a psychologist that can help him rewire his brain to be less intimated by women


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> *His standard for attractiveness is very low which makes him find almost just any female attractive.* And this very hard on me because everywhere we go, I have to see him like other women. No wouldn't start to doubt if he's attracted to other women all the time like this, he's like horny teenage boy, except he's a grown 37 yr old man.
> 
> I don't think he needs meds but he needs a psychologist that can help him rewire his brain to be less intimated by women


Lol so, this is what my polar opposite looks like.

I'm curious though, does he ever question you about guys hitting on you or about guys in general?


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> She's trying to steal my husband by enticing him to lust over her. That's not enough to worry about?


This is a bit like something out of a Bill Gothard indoctrination for young women, where women are told that men cannot control their urges and it is their (the young woman's) job to make sure men don't fail. All the responsibility falls onto women. It sounds like your husband grew up with his own set of screwy messaging such that he's not comfortable with touch from another person (making an assumption that it doesn't matter whether the touch is from a woman or a man). I'm like that; I used to visibly flinch, for ages, if any woman other than my wife touched me. And yes, one or two women with whom I had only a professional relationship with would sometimes have a bit of fun with that. But they weren't trying to seduce me. Nor was I likely to suddenly cave in and have an affair because of their attention.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> Husband is 37 and is nervous and shy around many women, e.g. neighbors' wives, our friends' wives, random women on the street, and ranging from a teenager to a woman in her 50s. He said he's not interested in them, he's just weird and awkward whenever he finds someone attractive.
> 
> But some women seem to misunderstand his shyness as to mean that he is interested in them or that he's in love with them. So, some of them start to seduce him, but this one woman bothers me the most because she's 3 years older than him and 6 years older than me. She has been seducing my husband by standing with her butt pushed out, speaking with a seductive tone of voice when she's near him, and smile randomly in his direction.
> 
> ...


🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I can't.....😂😂😂


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> She's trying to steal my husband by enticing him to lust over her. That's not enough to worry about?


by you telling your husband she is trying to seduce him you are helping her , 
I have seen it often a woman tells a man that see nothing knows nothing and not interested run off or at least end up in an affair with the woman ,


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Maybe have sex with your husband and actually talk to him. You don’t even like the guy so why do you care?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> And how can I not think this way when he acts super nervous around her. He becomes physically shaky sometimes, and his face is always so pale, and sometimes he looks so nervous that he looks like he was going to pee his pants.
> If a husband can be that nervous around another woman, doesn't it mean that he likes her an awful lot?


Yes it does. He likes women that show some interest in him which you dont


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

RandomDude said:


> Lol so, this is what my polar opposite looks like.
> 
> I'm curious though, does he ever question you about guys hitting on you or about guys in general?


No, never asked me about guys in general.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

snowbum said:


> Maybe have sex with your husband and actually talk to him. You don’t even like the guy so why do you care?


I feel like he'd be using me like a sex doll to release his sexual desire for all these women whom he's attracted to


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

snowbum said:


> Yes it does. He likes women that show some interest in him which you dont


I wouldn't be jealous if I don't love my husband.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> No, never asked me about guys in general.





Mary_Rose23 said:


> I feel like he'd be using me like a sex doll to release his sexual desire for all these women whom he's attracted to


Yeah then I don't think he's doing it to make you jealous or anything, seems like he's doing it just because he has desires for other women and no respect for you

How is he in bed? Has he ever asked you to do specific things, have a certain haircut, wear a certain style?


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

frenchpaddy said:


> by you telling your husband she is trying to seduce him you are helping her ,
> I have seen it often a woman tells a man that see nothing knows nothing and not interested run off or at least end up in an affair with the woman ,


You could be right. He did tell me that he doesn't want talk things out coz it reminds him of the woman. 
But is he that out of control? Unless he has some kinda feelings for her already and therefore makes the hearing of her name hard stirs up the felling ?
I mean do any husbands go through similar thing? 
Can you not talk about a woman you think is pretty coz it'll remind you of her?


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah then I don't think he's doing it to make you jealous or anything, seems like he's doing it just because he has desires for other women and no respect for you
> 
> How is he in bed? Has he ever asked you to do specific things, have a certain haircut, wear a certain style?


He likes long hair, wants me to do pig tail hairstyle so he can pull on them. He never pulled my hair for the 12 years that we've been together until after we've been around this woman who has long thick blonde hair. So it makes me think that he's pulling my hair coz he wanted to pull her hair.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> He likes long hair, wants me to do pig tail hairstyle so he can pull on them. He never pulled my hair for the 12 years that we've been together until after we've been around this woman who has long thick blonde hair. So it makes me think that he's pulling my hair coz he wanted to pull her hair.


Hmmm, suss but not conclusive, to me anyway, sometimes seeing what another woman has may give a man ideas on what he would like his partner to wear etc.

But putting two and two together with the other stuff you mentioned and the stuff he says to ya, including 4 counselling sessions and him getting violent on the last one, yet you seem happy to put up with him still...

... he just doesn't respect you.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> I feel like he'd be using me like a sex doll to release his sexual desire for all these women whom he's attracted to


If you feel he doesn’t desire or like you you should end this. Are you dealing with mental issue?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> I wouldn't be jealous if I don't love my husband.


But you would have a sexual relationship. That’s what people who love each other do.

Do you feel sex is gross or dirty?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> You could be right. He did tell me that he doesn't want talk things out coz it reminds him of the woman.
> But is he that out of control? Unless he has some kinda feelings for her already and therefore makes the hearing of her name hard stirs up the felling ?
> I mean do any husbands go through similar thing?
> Can you not talk about a woman you think is pretty coz it'll remind you of her?


my point is if he does not see it is best to let him in his darkness other men were in there darkness but when it was pointed they liked the idea and worked on it next thing there was a relationship on the go


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> Because he appears to be so into the other woman, it makes me feel like he's using me as a sex doll to get his relief for the other woman.
> 
> He can pursue me when I'm in the other room if he wants to pursue.


He can't be using you as his sex doll if you haven't had sex with him in over 4 years. It honestly sounds like you have some serious mental issues.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> Because he appears to be so into the other woman, it makes me feel like he's using me as a sex doll to get his relief for the other woman.
> 
> He can pursue me when I'm in the other room if he wants to pursue.


How can be be using you as a sex doll if you haven't had sex with him in 4.5 years and refuse to be in the same room with him 🤔???


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

BigDaddyNY we posted the same thing at the same time!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> He's super nervous and shy around her. I saw them walked pass each other and they both looked shy for each other like a new couple that just started to have feelings for each other and being shy around each other, you know the shy stage before the guy started to ask the girl out stage.
> It seems to be a sexual tension going on between them, so I'd guess that he's beginning to be interested.





Mary_Rose23 said:


> She's a married woman who goes to the same church.
> It's hard not to doubt when he constantly finds other women attractive. I'm afraid it's just a matter of time that he'll cheat.
> He hasn't done anything physical, but he used to tell me that he was having a hard time not feeling attracted to a friend's wife.
> One time he told me that he's sorry for kept thinking of the female friend after hugging her goodbye
> Another time, he said he thought of caressing the face of another female friend when she walked into the room.


you have refused to have sex with him for over four years, what do you seriously expect him to do?


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> It honestly sounds like you have some serious mental issues.


I was thinking the same thing but I feel the same way.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You’re fortunate he hasn’t left you already.  

my guess is he is concerned that with shared custody the well being of the children might be at stake when alone with you during your custodial days due to your mental health.

My recommendation is to seek mental health care with a qualified mental health professional for a full assessment and treatment.

By qualified mental health professional, I mean someone fully trained and credentialed in secular, evidence based, western, mental health practices and not a faith based clergy member.

You may need actual psychological therapy and medication and not just to read some scriptures and say some Hail Marys.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> He likes long hair, wants me to do pig tail hairstyle so he can pull on them. He never pulled my hair for the 12 years that we've been together until after we've been around this woman who has long thick blonde hair. So it makes me think that he's pulling my hair coz he wanted to pull her hair.


I'm confused by this one. When I first read about hair pulling I thought you were talking about during sex. But that can't be right? You haven't had sex with him in over 4 years. So, are you saying he wants you in pigtails so he can just randomly pull your hair? WTAF?


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> He likes long hair, wants me to do pig tail hairstyle so he can pull on them. He never pulled my hair for the 12 years that we've been together until after we've been around this woman who has long thick blonde hair. So it makes me think that he's pulling my hair coz he wanted to pull her hair.


well Mary i don't know your whole situation , i don't think your husband has cheated from what you said. just a little advice maybe your hubby is trying to spice things up with YOU. now you can reject him if you want but after so much rejection he may just want to spice up his sex life. 
if i were you i would enjoy your husband make him think of and only you . have fun with him. if he is being faithful, what are you mad at?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

BigDaddyNY said:


> He can't be using you as his sex doll if you haven't had sex with him in over 4 years. It honestly sounds like you have some serious mental issues.





Livvie said:


> How can be be using you as a sex doll if you haven't had sex with him in 4.5 years and refuse to be in the same room with him 🤔???





frusdil said:


> you have refused to have sex with him for over four years, what do yoo seriously expect him to do?


Am I blind? Where are you guys reading this?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Am I blind? Where are you guys reading this?


She said it in the anxiety thread.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

frusdil said:


> She said it in the anxiety thread.


Well that fks up the narrative doesn't it? Ha!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This case sounds eerily similar to what one of my good friends went through years ago. 

His wife had the same contemptuous and suspicious and hostile attitude towards him to where she considered him some kind of sex fiend that was always lusting after other women and was obsessed with sex and she blamed him for all of her problems and issues. 

But yet while she was obsessed that he was lusting after other women, she also had the same contempt and disrespect towards him claiming that he didn't have the giblets or virility to actually get any of these other women that she thought he was in love with. 

He later told me that during the course of their roughly 12 year marriage, she only allowed him to touch her and have sex a handful of times and those were for procreation purposes. Otherwise she was too pissed at him and was convinced that he was lusting after other women and was only using her for sex like the OP stated.

Also like our OP, she avoided him in the home to the point that any time he was at home, she locked herself in her bedroom and would not speak or interact with him. 

In the final acts of their marriage, he had literally not laid eyes on her for TWO YEARS. For over two years they had lived in the same house, tag teamed raising the children at different times of the day and she would leave little notes for him in regards to the kids but otherwise would not speak to or interact with him in any way. 

And during this time she was a working professional that maintained a good career and had a good income. 

And then what's so ironic is when he finally did realize their marriage was hopeless (he obviously had his issues too) and he filed for divorce - she fought the divorce tooth and nail.

Their state had mandated counseling for divorcing couples with young children and in counseling she accused him of everything but child sacrifice and told the counselor of how he was obsessed with other women and always trying to get in other women's pants and only had her around as a sex slave (even though they had only had sex a handful or so of times in 12 years) and she was talking about all these evil and inhuman things he was doing even though he hadn't actually seen him or been around him for years. 

The counselor made his report to the court that their marriage was completely irreconcilable and that he reccommended that she immediately be seen by a mental health practitioner prior to determining custody arrangements to determine her fitness to have the children in her care unsupervised. 

Now she had had a long standing history of mental health and emotional issues and had been under various levels of care including at least one episode of involuntary lock up in her early 20s. 

Ultimately she was granted unsupervised 50/50 custody and for the most part there weren't too many incidents with the kids over the years but there were a few times that the kids called my buddy in distress and he had to go to her house and threaten to call the police if she did not settle down. 

So the comparison between my buddy's case and this case here is quite striking. 

One of the reasons my buddy stayed as long as he did, was over concern for the kid's well being in her care when separated. 

What always struck me so odd in their final days was she HATED him and had nothing but contempt and disrespect for him, but yet she fought the divorce tooth and nail. It was like she wanted him to be forced to stay with her so she could torment and punish him.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> She is stealing him, but I don't want to fight for a man who is interested in someone else. I don't want to live with someone whose heart is with another woman.
> If she's that special for him, he can go to her any day, but he's too coward to make a move. He doesn't know that she likes him back.


Women can indeed steal, un-steely men.

While, paranoia climbs in through your eyes and steals your mind.

The butt that you see, is stealing your 'ifs'.

_If _what you see were true, your husband would be hers.

This is your anxiety and depression speaking, screaming, _"They are out to get me!"_

That said, that big butt woman *may be doing this purposely*, to get your goat.
Leave your goat at home, comfortably keeping your lawn trimmed.

Your husband is yours to keep, to cherish and hold.
Do those things, and he will remain yours.

Place his hand on your butt and remind him of what he has at home.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> She is stealing him, but I don't want to fight for a man who is interested in someone else. I don't want to live with someone whose heart is with another woman.
> If she's that special for him, he can go to her any day, but he's too coward to make a move. He doesn't know that she likes him back.





Mary_Rose23 said:


> And how can I not think this way when he acts super nervous around her. He becomes physically shaky sometimes, and his face is always so pale, and sometimes he looks so nervous that he looks like he was going to pee his pants.
> If a husband can be that nervous around another woman, doesn't it mean that he likes her an awful lot?


You said he acts this way around all women in various age ranges. Some men are nervous because of women just like you who read into every single detail. I’d be nervous as hell too if my every single move was being analyzed.

How old are the both of you and how long have you been married again?


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> I feel like he'd be using me like a sex doll to release his sexual desire for all these women whom he's attracted to



You cannot be serious. You wanna know something about being used sexually then go read some of my stuff. Please. Your feelings are valid of course but I think your mindset is way skewed.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> You said he acts this way around all women in various age ranges. Some men are nervous because of women just like you who read into every single detail. I’d be nervous as hell too if my every single move was being analyzed.


yes, this is exactly what happens.

my buddy that I spoke of above eventually got so isolated from friends and family because before she self-quarantined herself to her bedroom any time he was within 50 feet of a woman she was accusing him of cheating or of wanting to be with her,,, and just like the OP stated, if he tried to have any kind of affection or anything with his wife, she would accuse him of using her for the sexual arousal he felt for the woman he saw in the housewares aisle at Walmart earlier in the day.

Eventually this morphed into paranoia any time he interacted with man as well because she would accuse him of conspiring with the man to go to strip clubs or that he was badmouthing her or was trying to get the guy to set him up with his sister or something.

so eventually he was completely isolated from everyone because of the beating he would take after he interacted with anyone.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> yes, this is exactly what happens.
> 
> my buddy that I spoke of above eventually got so isolated from friends and family because before she self-quarantined herself to her bedroom any time he was within 50 feet of a woman she was accusing him of cheating or of wanting to be with her,,, and just like the OP stated, if he tried to have any kind of affection or anything with his wife, she would accuse him of using her for the sexual arousal he felt for the woman he saw in the housewares aisle at Walmart earlier in the day.
> 
> ...


Freaking sad. Claiming he needs mental help. I would too if I was being subjected to this kind of treatment from my spouse.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> He can't be using you as his sex doll if you haven't had sex with him in over 4 years. It honestly sounds like you have some serious mental issues.


I suspect he is having sex with her regularly.
In her spinning around, mind. 

Logic is failing you @Mary_Rose23, please get help.
These things happen, do not despair.

Life is good, if you allow it to be.


_Gwendolyn-_


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

Sorry to hear about your worries.
no offense, but you and your husband sound like you have some sort of deeper issues. Like Aspergers and serious social or emotional anxieties... something or a combination of/ like this. 

You (both, you and your husband?) seem to perceive the world in a different way to others, but it seems something that kept you both connected or enabled both of you to connect. But it is nothing that helps both of you function stress free in the world or in your relationship. 

I think you should talk to someone more professional to figure out what the root of both of your problems is and who can offer both of you behavior coaching and to assess your perception wether or not it is based on reality or not. 
Nothi g to be ashamed of. It would just help you have a better life experience. 

Your child would benefit from it aswell. Because it might have inherited those issues. But also if not, it needs professional attention from early on.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Good gravy! If I had been denied for four months (not to mention years) I could be seduced by this!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

OP, you and your husband need to split.

If I was him, the seducing butt woman wouldn't even have to try.

Use your butt on him, let him pull your hair and maybe the butt succubus won't have a chance.😉


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Good gravy! If I had been denied for four months (not to mention years) I could be seduced by this!
> 
> 
> View attachment 95323


And she keeps saying she feels used sexually.. how??


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

[QUOTE="Mary_Rose23, post: 20686572, member: 35903

These women are nasty to me and not to my husband. They like my husband and they disrespect me.
It hurts but my husband seems to not care.
[/QUOTE]

Go up, get gnarly with them and claim your husband right in front of them.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Tdbo said:


> [QUOTE="Mary_Rose23, post: 20686572, member: 35903
> 
> These women are nasty to me and not to my husband. They like my husband and they disrespect me.
> It hurts but my husband seems to not care.


Go up, get gnarly with them and claim your husband right in front of them.
[/QUOTE]

I thought about this too. Stake your ground. It wouldn’t take much, I’d slip around from behind grinning run my hands from his stomach up his chest and hug him at the minimum. It would be a very easy way to make your husband feel adored and desired as well as let another woman know “this guy right here, is being taken care of,” find another. 

But I think you don’t in fact feel this way about your husband to which you will say is his fault because of these women, it’s a messed up cycle that needs professional addressing.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> He doesn't think she's seducing him. I told him "how can you not see that a woman is perking her ass to entice you"?
> I'm not interpreting her actions, I see her actions. I see it when she went from standing normally to perking her ass when he's near her.


I've had the same thing happen.
They may think they are going to try, but it is futile.
Mrs. Tdbo is the only one who is going to seduce me.
I know who I want to go home with.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> Because he appears to be so into the other woman, it makes me feel like he's using me as a sex doll to get his relief for the other woman.
> 
> He can pursue me when I'm in the other room if he wants to pursue.


Or, you could get your butt back to the room that your husband is in and act like his wife.
If you are by his side, you are demonstrating pride in your husband, demonstrating application of your marital vows, and protecting your man.
It might actually turn him on if you did so.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> He likes long hair, wants me to do pig tail hairstyle so he can pull on them. He never pulled my hair for the 12 years that we've been together until after we've been around this woman who has long thick blonde hair. So it makes me think that he's pulling my hair coz he wanted to pull her hair.


Then you aren't trying hard enough.
Put the "Reigns" in his hand and encourage him to pull.
If you're gonna do the braid, make sure you get laid.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> He likes long hair, wants me to do pig tail hairstyle so he can pull on them. He never pulled my hair for the 12 years that we've been together until after we've been around this woman who has long thick blonde hair. So it makes me think that he's pulling my hair coz he wanted to pull her hair.


Again, you are just letting your imagination run away with you. Maybe he’s just now getting the nerve to share a fantasy with you. Lord! You’re definitely going to shut him down and kill anything between you two being like this.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lady, after the disuse you have subjected your gear to, you better make sure it even works!

Then start using it on your husband if you really want to keep him.🙄


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Again, you are just letting your imagination run away with you. Maybe he’s just now getting the nerve to share a fantasy with you. Lord! You’re definitely going to shut him down and kill anything between you two being like this.


This.
After cutting him off for somewhere between 4 and 4.5 years, no wonder her husband is drooling when some woman shakes her a** at him.
She better start tending to "Her business."


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

These things can be pretty insidious. I used to work with a guy that brought his long time GF to live with him when he moved to our job location. They lived together for a handful of months then decided it wasn't for them and they split up fair and square and she moved back to her home town an hour or so away and carried on with her life. 

Not too long after that split, my coworker started dating some young chick in town. At first she seemed cute and bubbly, and while she was ditzy, she was also 19 and other than prom and homecoming dates in high school, this was her first relationship with a professional man with his own place and career etc so she was a little star struck. 

Over time it was becoming clear that she wasn't just ditzy and an insecure 19 year old but that she was hung up on this ex live-in way out of proportion to what would even be normal for a star-struck, ditzy 19 year old. 

Like the OP she was also accusing him of lusting after and wanting to be with other women, and like the OP she was very sexually repressed because she was convinced any affectionate/romantic/sexual interest he was showing in her was due to his horniness over other women, primarily his ex live in. 

One day she was pounding unannounced on his doorstep yelling at him through the door to let her in. When he unlocked the door she forced her way in and started searching through his house looking into closets and under the bed etc yelling, "Where is she! Where is she!"

When he got her convinced that noone else was in the house and got her settled down enough to tell him what was going on, she told him that she was at the grocery store and noticed that his ex was in the store following her and giving her the "evil eye" etc etc. 

He tried to rationalize with her that he had not seen or heard from the ex in months and that he did not know of her being in town and didn't know why the ex would be following her in the grocery store etc etc etc........

And then it dawned on him that the ex and the new girl had never met nor had he shown her any pictures of her nor was there any reason to believe that the ex even knew he was dating anyone or even knew who she was etc etc. 

When he tried to interrogate her more about why she thought this random person in the grocery store was his ex, the best answer she could give was that this person, "looked like how I thought she would look and was acting like how I thought she would act." 

Now this guy had his own issues and wasn't necessarily the sharpest tack in the box and has had string of chaotic relationships and broken marriages etc, but he did at least have the sense to let that one go pretty soon after that.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

OP I’d be more inclined to think that this interloper is a demon seductress if she was actually physically touching your husband (or overtly said something) but I’d need more description of the butt and pointing or perking motion to give a better read on it. 

I haven’t seen or heard of a pick up approach based only on a butt perk. Maybe in a club setting or something twerking in a short skirt or something like that, but I assume that’s not what’s being discussed.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Tdbo said:


> [QUOTE="Mary_Rose23, post: 20686572, member: 35903
> 
> These women are nasty to me and not to my husband. They like my husband and they disrespect me.
> It hurts but my husband seems to not care.


Go up, get gnarly with them and claim your husband right in front of them.
[/QUOTE]

She needs to get mental health evaluation and treatment first. 

If she gets aggressive and confrontational with some random woman in the produce section of the grocery store (see my post above about the grocery store) she may find herself cuffed in the back of a cop car or those nice young men in their clean white coats coming to take her away (reference song from 1960s)


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

oldshirt said:


> Go up, get gnarly with them and claim your husband right in front of them.


She needs to get mental health evaluation and treatment first. 

If she gets aggressive and confrontational with some random woman in the produce section of the grocery store (see my post above about the grocery store) she may find herself cuffed in the back of a cop car or those nice young men in their clean white coats coming to take her away (reference song from 1960s)
[/QUOTE]

Nobody said for her to get physical with anyone.
She needs to go up to the woman, verbally redirect her, then get very non-verbal with her husband in front of the bimbo, as she sticks her tongue down his throat, and perhaps put his hands in a place where they belong.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Tdbo said:


> She needs to get mental health evaluation and treatment first.
> 
> If she gets aggressive and confrontational with some random woman in the produce section of the grocery store (see my post above about the grocery store) she may find herself cuffed in the back of a cop car or those nice young men in their clean white coats coming to take her away (reference song from 1960s)


Nobody said for her to get physical with anyone.
She needs to go up to the woman, verbally redirect her, then get very non-verbal with her husband in front of the bimbo, as she sticks her tongue down his throat, and perhaps put his hands in a place where they belong.
[/QUOTE]

But we need to keep in mind that for all we know this 'bimbo' is the cashier at Quick Trip that handed him his receipt when he picked up a cup of coffee and a donut on their way to Walmart. 

Before she takes any kind of action against any bimbos or her lusting husband, she needs an evaluation to make sure these aren't just random people going about their daily business and that he isn't just some poor browbeat guy trying to keep his mentally ill wife from going completely off the rails and getting into real trouble.


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## Narilka (4 mo ago)

This makes me sad to read OP. You are hyper focused on situations that could be happening but honestly why? You are having ruminating thoughts that seem to have increased and are taking over your life. However, until you realize this for yourself you can't stop the cycles. Psychotherapists are wonderful if you find the right one you click with. IC needs to be your new bestie in life that will give you the ability to live happily without worrying over hypotheticals. 

Intimacy is needed in life for personal wellness for everyone, Maslow's Hierarchy has is intimacy listed as one of the foundational needs for a reason, not a want but a basic need. Start by changing/ altering little things to break up the cycle. I hope you can move forward at some point and achieve happiness with yourself, people will be who they will be, and it can be hurtful but freewill is granted to everyone for their own personal use.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> Husband is 37 and is nervous and shy around many women, e.g. neighbors' wives, our friends' wives, random women on the street, and ranging from a teenager to a woman in her 50s. He said he's not interested in them, he's just weird and awkward whenever he finds someone attractive.
> 
> But some women seem to misunderstand his shyness as to mean that he is interested in them or that he's in love with them. So, some of them start to seduce him, but this one woman bothers me the most because she's 3 years older than him and 6 years older than me. She has been seducing my husband by standing with her butt pushed out, speaking with a seductive tone of voice when she's near him, and smile randomly in his direction.
> 
> ...


Nah, i bet youre completely correct.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> His standard for attractiveness is very low which makes him find almost just any female attractive. And this very hard on me because everywhere we go, I have to see him like other women. No wouldn't start to doubt if he's attracted to other women all the time like this, he's like horny teenage boy, except he's a grown 37 yr old man.
> 
> I don't think he needs meds but he needs a psychologist that can help him rewire his brain to be less intimated by women


If you don’t like sex divorce him. You’re calling the wrong person crazy. Do you have close friends or family?


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> He can't be using you as his sex doll if you haven't had sex with him in over 4 years. It honestly sounds like you have some serious mental issues.


we've been mad at each other for 4.5 years and we're both very proud and stubborn. He'd prefer acting nervous around other women and feel sexual tensions with them than humbling himself and ask to sleep with me after i told him that i feel like a sex doll.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Livvie said:


> How can be be using you as a sex doll if you haven't had sex with him in 4.5 years and refuse to be in the same room with him 🤔???


coz I had been refusing him to use me


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> You said he acts this way around all women in various age ranges. Some men are nervous because of women just like you who read into every single detail. I’d be nervous as hell too if my every single move was being analyzed.
> 
> How old are the both of you and how long have you been married again?


if my husband was not happy about me being shy around a guy, i'd use up all my energy to feel less nervous around this guy to make my husband happy, so i don't understand why you said that you'd be nervous too if your wife were to analyze your move. It doesn't make sense for me for some reason. 

My hubby is 37, i'm 34. been together 12 years, married for 10.5 years.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> if my husband was not happy about me being shy around a guy, i'd use up all my energy to feel less nervous around this guy to make my husband happy, so i don't understand why you said that you'd be nervous too if your wife were to analyze your move. It doesn't make sense for me for some reason.
> 
> My hubby is 37, i'm 34. been together 12 years, married for 10.5 years.


I don’t think you want to try to understand any other view but your own.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> we've been mad at each other for 4.5 years and we're both very proud and stubborn. He'd prefer acting nervous around other women and feel sexual tensions with them than humbling himself and ask to sleep with me after i told him that i feel like a sex doll.


Pot calling the kettle black. Although. Edited to add admitting you’re just as proud and stubborn is a decent step.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

oldshirt said:


> This case sounds eerily similar to what one of my good friends went through years ago.
> 
> His wife had the same contemptuous and suspicious and hostile attitude towards him to where she considered him some kind of sex fiend that was always lusting after other women and was obsessed with sex and she blamed him for all of her problems and issues.
> 
> ...


i've asked to separate from my husband temporarily because i don't want to tortured everyday by his constant interests for other women, but he doesn't want to. I thinks he wants to keep me around regardless of how tortured i feel, so that he doesn't look like a loser to his family for having a broken marriage.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> i've asked to separate from my husband temporarily because i don't want to tortured everyday by his constant interests for other women, but he doesn't want to. I thinks he wants to keep me around regardless of how tortured i feel, so that he doesn't look like a loser to his family for having a broken marriage.


 Torture? By your husband’s alleged sexual tension with women he won’t even acknowledge. 🤦🏼‍♀️.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

TheGodfather said:


> well Mary i don't know your whole situation , i don't think your husband has cheated from what you said. just a little advice maybe your hubby is trying to spice things up with YOU. now you can reject him if you want but after so much rejection he may just want to spice up his sex life.
> if i were you i would enjoy your husband make him think of and only you . have fun with him. if he is being faithful, what are you mad at?


He appears to be faithful physically for now, but i think he's emotionally engaged with the other woman. If not, how can he be so nervous to the point of looking so pale and as if he's about to pee his pants? He always look shy when he walks pass by her. Then she acted shy back. And i have to see this scene of my husband having a shy moment with another woman, which appears to be a sexual tension between them.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Torture? By your husband’s alleged sexual tension with women he won’t even acknowledge. 🤦🏼‍♀️.


which man ever acknowledge that he's cheating (whether emotionally or physically) unless he's caught in the act?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> we've been mad at each other for 4.5 years and we're both very proud and stubborn. He'd prefer acting nervous around other women and feel sexual tensions with them than humbling himself and ask to sleep with me after i told him that i feel like a sex doll.


Thus is the weirdest **** I’ve ever heard. How old are you? Why are you even together?🫣😖


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I don’t think you want to try to understand any other view but your own.


i want to, that's why i'm asking here. 
I just want you to elaborate more coz all you said was that you would feel nervous too but didn't really explain what makes you nervous.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> which man ever acknowledge that he's cheating (whether emotionally or physically) unless he's caught in the act?


I hate cheaters. Completely. But your behavior is off the charts nuts. I’d almost understand him wanting to cheat


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

snowbum said:


> If you don’t like sex divorce him. You’re calling the wrong person crazy. Do you have close friends or family?


i have a close friend whom he's also attracted to.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> He appears to be faithful physically for now, but i think he's emotionally engaged with the other woman. If not, how can he be so nervous to the point of looking so pale and as if he's about to pee his pants? He always look shy when he walks pass by her. Then she acted shy back. And i have to see this scene of my husband having a shy moment with another woman, which appears to be a sexual tension between them.


How did you meet him? Do you have kids? Have you actually had sex with him?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> i have a close friend whom he's also attracted to.


I really feel you need help for paranoia. Nothing you say is rational or adultlike


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

snowbum said:


> I hate cheaters. Completely. But your behavior is off the charts nuts. I’d almost understand him wanting to cheat


not sure why you'd think my behavior is nuts. he has been disrespecting me in front of other women with by letting them know that he likes them through his constant nervousness/shyness and sexual tensions with them. as a result, these women have also been disrespecting me by purposely stand near him or walk pass him even when i'm around. They speak with seductive voice, perk their asses, swing their hips, and look at me with contempt. 
I see all these things, it's not an imagination.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> i want to, that's why i'm asking here.
> I just want you to elaborate more coz all you said was that you would feel nervous too but didn't really explain what makes you nervous.


Nervous that I’m going to be accused of something I’ve not done and berated for my ‘affairs’ that are non existent and conjured by my spouses imagination. I’d be paranoid what kind of crazy you’re going to bring up today? 

My eyes are open and there’s the opposite sex two aisle over in the grocery store, if I pass them I’m going to be guilty until ‘caught’ in something that isn’t even reality. That’s why he’s nervous.

By the way, I’m a 35 yo female with nearly 15 years of marriage under my belt and was actually abused by my former husband. You’re logic is NOT logical. Peer to peer.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> not sure why you'd think my behavior is nuts. he has been disrespecting me in front of other women with by letting them know that he likes them through his constant nervousness/shyness and sexual tensions with them. as a result, these women have also been disrespecting me by purposely stand near him or walk pass him even when i'm around. They speak with seductive voice, perk their asses, swing their hips, and look at me with contempt.
> I see all these things, it's not an imagination.


Then grow a pair and show them he’s your husband and treat him like
One instead of your enemy. It’s that easy.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

snowbum said:


> I really feel you need help for paranoia. Nothing you say is rational or adultlike


my husband has confirmed that he finds her attractive, so it's not a paranoia. and that's my problem, people think that i'm crazy when it's my husband who is the crazy one with his weird attraction to just any walking femail beings. I guess guys will always side with the other guy even if he's crazy.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

SunCMars said:


> Women can indeed steal, un-steely men.
> 
> While, paranoia climbs in through your eyes and steals your mind.
> 
> ...


not sure why you think it's a paranoia. My husband has confirmed that he's attracted to all these women. He said he wants to have sex with any passable women, but he has to block these thoughts. Isn't that weird?


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> He appears to be faithful physically for now, but i think he's emotionally engaged with the other woman. If not, how can he be so nervous to the point of looking so pale and as if he's about to pee his pants? He always look shy when he walks pass by her. Then she acted shy back. And i have to see this scene of my husband having a shy moment with another woman, which appears to be a sexual tension between them.


i can understand your concern , maybe getting into marriage counseling right now would be good to head off any cheating and see what the real issues are going on in your marriage. it may do the both of you good to talk to someone


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Women have hops and buts. Do they talk to him. Have you heard any sexy talk?

why will you not answer a single question people ask you? You are assuming things.

it seems like a you do is ***** at your husband, watch for cheating and de t sex.

why did you marry him? Your thinking is not normal. You are way overboard. FYI I’ve really never noticed wonen perking there asses. But maybe you should try it


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> not sure why you think it's a paranoia. My husband has confirmed that he's attracted to all these women. He said he wants to have sex with any passable women, but he has to block these thoughts. Isn't that weird?


Why are you with him? Also why is he with you? He wants sex. It’s normal. Why don’t you? I think your marriage is an F’d up farce


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> my husband has confirmed that he finds her attractive, so it's not a paranoia. and that's my problem, people think that i'm crazy when it's my husband who is the crazy one with his weird attraction to just any walking femail beings. I guess guys will always side with the other guy even if he's crazy.


I’m a woman. I think you have psychotic jealousy. Have you always been like this?


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> i want to, that's why i'm asking here.
> I just want you to elaborate more coz all you said was that you would feel nervous too but didn't really explain what makes you nervous.


Negative ghost rider. There’s been far beyond just my explaining that should make it crystal clear that your thought process is skewed.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Nervous that I’m going to be accused of something I’ve not done and berated for my ‘affairs’ that are non existent and conjured by my spouses imagination. I’d be paranoid what kind of crazy you’re going to bring up today?
> 
> My eyes are open and there’s the opposite sex two aisle over in the grocery store, if I pass them I’m going to be guilty until ‘caught’ in something that isn’t even reality. That’s why he’s nervous.
> 
> By the way, I’m a 35 yo female with nearly 15 years of marriage under my belt and was actually abused by my former husband. You’re logic is NOT logical. Peer to peer.


i see your point, but he's that nervous walking pass her even when i'm not near him. If he's afraid i'd be accusing him, then he should have no problem not being nervous when i'm not around, but that's not the case. He'd walk pass her on the other side of the room which i'm not even looking in that direction, but he was still nervous when he walked pass her. I know this coz after he walked out the room, i turned my head and saw this woman looking at me with a smile/smirk, it was as if she was thinking "He likes me more than his young wife, ha ha"


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

snowbum said:


> I’m a woman. I think you have psychotic jealousy. Have you always been like this?


you wouldn't be jealous if your husband likes other women all the time and everywhere you go, and he does it in your face? and these women disrespect with seduction right in front of you? 

i've noticed his attraction for other women more now that i'm older and more mature and more observant.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> i see your point, but he's that nervous walking pass her even when i'm not near him. If he's afraid i'd be accusing him, then he should have no problem not being nervous when i'm not around, but that's not the case. He'd walk pass her on the other side of the room which i'm not even looking in that direction, but he was still nervous when he walked pass her. I know this coz after he walked out the room, i turned my head and saw this woman looking at me with a smile/smirk, it was as if she was thinking "He likes me more than his young wife, ha ha"


Are you nice to him? Do you dress up? I don’t get why you’re paranoid of every woman you meet. You’re not Hod or a mind reader. Do you work or have hobbies? If you don’t want him for sex why not let him do his thing?


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> you wouldn't be jealous if your husband likes other women all the time and everywhere you go, and he does it in your face? and these women disrespect with seduction right in front of you?
> 
> i've noticed his attraction for other women more now that i'm older and more mature and more observant.


This screams insecurity in your part sister. It just does. Men are visual creatures, they just are. It doesn’t excuse blatant staring or drooling, but golly. 

You are just looking for reasons to be upset. And you’ll find exactly what your looking for, have no fear. And it seems you don’t care, to the detriment of your marriage as long as you prove “I’m right!!” 

You’re determined to be right.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Are you nice to him? Do you dress up? I don’t get why you’re paranoid of every woman you meet. You’re not Hod or a mind reader. Do you work or have hobbies? If you don’t want him for sex why not let him do his thing?


In this same instance, he is also not God and is imperfect, the standard she is setting is just wild.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> i've asked to separate from my husband temporarily because i don't want to tortured everyday by his constant interests for other women, but he doesn't want to. I thinks he wants to keep me around regardless of how tortured i feel, so that he doesn't look like a loser to his family for having a broken marriage.


Please see a mental health provider. 

There is a good chance this can be treated and you will feel better and will not feel "tortured" and it will help reduce the risk of this destroying your marriage.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

oldshirt said:


> You’re fortunate he hasn’t left you already.
> 
> my guess is he is concerned that with shared custody the well being of the children might be at stake when alone with you during your custodial days due to your mental health.
> 
> ...


not sure why you think this way. You wouldn't be jealous if your spouse constantly likes another person and disrespect you in front of them all the time? You wouldn't be jealous if your spouse enjoys the sexual tensions with another person


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> Please see a mental health provider.
> 
> There is a good chance this can be treated and you will feel better and will not feel "tortured" and it will help reduce the risk of this destroying your marriage.


Those words came out of his mouth? Has he said he doesn’t love you?


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> not sure why you think this way. You wouldn't be jealous if your spouse constantly likes another person and disrespect you in front of them all the time? You wouldn't be jealous if your spouse enjoys the sexual tensions with another person


It is not just this one member who thinks this. Please seek counseling to help with this, it’s clear none of us from TAM are going to be of help.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> not sure why you think this way. You wouldn't be jealous if your spouse constantly likes another person and disrespect you in front of them all the time? You wouldn't be jealous if your spouse enjoys the sexual tensions with another person


Do you really feel that a man can’t talk to someone without plotting to bang them? That every interaction is an attempt to have sex with every woman?
Why are you obsessed? If you had sex regularity this would not be an issue.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

elliblue said:


> Sorry to hear about your worries.
> no offense, but you and your husband sound like you have some sort of deeper issues. Like Aspergers and serious social or emotional anxieties... something or a combination of/ like this.
> 
> You (both, you and your husband?) seem to perceive the world in a different way to others, but it seems something that kept you both connected or enabled both of you to connect. But it is nothing that helps both of you function stress free in the world or in your relationship.
> ...


we've spoken to 3 counselors, 4 priests, and a couple who are our friends. He stopped the counseling whenever the counselor/helper/friend doesn't side with him that i'm wrong.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> we've spoken to 3 counselors, 4 priests, and a couple who are our friends. He stopped the counseling whenever the counselor/helper/friend doesn't side with him that i'm wrong.


Bet you stop when they don’t side with you and any single one of those who are ‘siding’ at all with your crazy expectations is no professional at all. And if they’ve’proved’ you’re right with all this nonsense you’re feeding us here then I wonder why you come here to begin with?

Bottom line is I don’t believe you in the slightest, hence this is why no one can help.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Go up, get gnarly with them and claim your husband right in front of them.


I thought about this too. Stake your ground. It wouldn’t take much, I’d slip around from behind grinning run my hands from his stomach up his chest and hug him at the minimum. It would be a very easy way to make your husband feel adored and desired as well as let another woman know “this guy right here, is being taken care of,” find another.

But I think you don’t in fact feel this way about your husband to which you will say is his fault because of these women, it’s a messed up cycle that needs professional addressing.
[/QUOTE]
if i do all these touching to my husband, it'll just show the other woman that i'm crazy for my husband but my husband is crazy for her coz he's nervous for her in front of me without caring about how i feel. 
What would show this woman that he's taken is when he shows her that he loves his wife and prioritize her in front this woman, but his nervousness says that the other woman is more important.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Bet you stop when they don’t side with you and any single one of those who are ‘siding’ at all with your crazy expectations is no professional at all. And if they’ve’proved’ you’re right with all this nonsense you’re feeding us here then I wonder why you come here to begin with?
> 
> Bottom line is I don’t believe you in the slightest, hence this is why no one can help.


i've never stopped any of the counselings. My husband started them and ended them.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> I thought about this too. Stake your ground. It wouldn’t take much, I’d slip around from behind grinning run my hands from his stomach up his chest and hug him at the minimum. It would be a very easy way to make your husband feel adored and desired as well as let another woman know “this guy right here, is being taken care of,” find another.
> 
> But I think you don’t in fact feel this way about your husband to which you will say is his fault because of these women, it’s a messed up cycle that needs professional addressing.


if i do all these touching to my husband, it'll just show the other woman that i'm crazy for my husband but my husband is crazy for her coz he's nervous for her in front of me without caring about how i feel. 
What would show this woman that he's taken is when he shows her that he loves his wife and prioritize her in front this woman, but his nervousness says that the other woman is more important.
[/QUOTE]

If your husband doesn’t react to your affection then I would venture to say there is something wrong then. But you’ve not shown your husband true affection in years and I’m not even talking about sex…. So why would he show you off or his affection for you? No man in their right man would do that. Instead what you call as him remaining nervous is him cowering from your wrath. 

Get a grip. I need to just be done with your ridiculous responses. I see how selective you are in the post you responds to which just proves your real motive which is to gain an ally which won’t be many and just continue this mascaraed of “woe is me, my husband a relentlessly horny brute lusting after all women with his nervous tendencies and doesn’t love or want me, except for all the sex I give him.” 🙄 ✌ out.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> i've never stopped any of the counselings. My husband started them and ended them.


Convenient. Also sounds like another lie since you said the only way your husband would speak to you is with a third party. Which is it?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> not sure why you think it's a paranoia. My husband has confirmed that he's attracted to all these women. He said he wants to have sex with any passable women, but he has to block these thoughts. Isn't that weird?


OK, I am listening.

it's not so weird, more he the careless fool for admitting it.

Why is he saying these hurtful things, out loud?

Can he be the honest guy who shoots himself in his third leg?

If so, why?

Out of ignorance, or out of malice?


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Me at this point.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

SunCMars said:


> OK, I am listening.
> 
> it's not so weird, more he the careless fool for admitting it.
> 
> ...


He was trying to explain to me why he was looking red/nervous when a woman stood In front of him at church, but he does t even like her.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> He was trying to explain to me why he was looking red/nervous when a woman stood In front of him at church, but he does t even like her.


If he doesn’t like her why all the fuss? If he literally said he doesn’t like her why do you insist he does?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> He was trying to explain to me why he was looking red/nervous when a woman stood In front of him at church, but he does t even like her.


This may be a symptom of ADHD.

Unfiltered.
Blurting out what you feel, with no concern about the effect it may have on others.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

So my take on this is you don't have sex with your husband as a result of an argument (or whatever) that occurred 4.5 years ago. 

Talk about holding a grudge. And if your husband is such a POS, why don't you leave him?

P.S. - Jealousy is not a sign of love. It's a sign of insecurity and immaturity. Seriously.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> which man ever acknowledge that he's cheating (whether emotionally or physically) unless he's caught in the act?


You have made intimacy so far removed from your marriage I don’t think you’re in a place where you can differentiate between an EA and anything else. You’ve recognized that you’re marriage is missing something important, but you’re scared to death of what it is.

Please, let him know that your “desire” is to spend the rest of your marriage as awkward room mates, never comfortable. No intimacy. And if that’s fine with him, great. But it shouldn’t be. Nor should it be for you.

We don’t know what’s going on in his mind, but what we do know about yours, from what you’ve written, is that you’ve broken your vows. There’s no “to have and to hold” that I can see. More of “Keep around because he’s useful for some things.”


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

"Block" her when she tries it. Tell the Priest to have a Priest to Parishioner talk with her. 

It's likely your husband isn't the only target of her wiggly derrière in the parish.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> "Block" her when she tries it. Tell the Priest to have a Priest to Parishioner talk with her.
> 
> It's likely your husband isn't the only target of her wiggly derrière in the parish.


Where have you been?! Lol. Been waiting for your knowledge To be wielded on this post.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Tdbo said:


> Go up, get gnarly with them and claim your husband right in front of them.


See, this. If some woman was all up around my husband in front of me, it'd be a case of fk around and find out *****, pmsl. And not because I'm jealous, it's about respect.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Girl, if you don't start boinking your man, I'm going to start rooting for the butt succubus!


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

MattMatt said:


> "Block" her when she tries it. Tell the Priest to have a Priest to Parishioner talk with her. It's likely your husband isn't the only target of her wiggly derrière in the parish.


 I told the priest but he thinks my perception is wrong before he even did anything to verify my perception first. And she happens to be his good friend.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Girl, if you don't start boinking your man, I'm going to start rooting for the butt succubus!


I think I woke my five year old up becuase I hollered when I read this! 😆😆


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Prodigal said:


> So my take on this is you don't have sex with your husband as a result of an argument (or whatever) that occurred 4.5 years ago.
> 
> Talk about holding a grudge. And if your husband is such a POS, why don't you leave him?
> 
> P.S. - Jealousy is not a sign of love. It's a sign of insecurity and immaturity. Seriously.


The argument continues throughout these 4.5 years but regarding different women/friends at different places.

if I don’t love him, I could care less if he likes another woman or not.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> I told the priest but he thinks my perception is wrong before he even did anything to verify my perception first. And she happens to be his good friend.


Does the priest know you have refused to have sex with your husband for over four years?

When are you ever going to start owning your garbage woman?


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> The argument continues throughout these 4.5 years but regarding different women/friends at different places.
> 
> if I don’t love him, I could care less if he likes another woman or not.


You don’t treat the man you love like this. Period.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ConanHub said:


> Girl, if you don't start boinking your man, I'm going to start rooting for the butt succubus!


After 4.5 years, the solution could be literally 30 seconds away! 🤦‍♂️


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

I think the only solution might be catching a boat off of whatever deserted island they live on where a guy who turns pale and can't speak around women is something worth fighting over. Yeah, it's rough out there but not that rough.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> not sure why you think this way. You wouldn't be jealous if your spouse constantly likes another person and disrespect you in front of them all the time? You wouldn't be jealous if your spouse enjoys the sexual tensions with another person


the reason I say that is because what you are perceiving probably isn’t real.

And if he is enjoying the attentions of other women, it is because he has not gotten any positive attention from you in a long long time.

Your mental illness is at the root of your issues here so if you can effectively treat it, you may be able to turn this around and have a happy, healthy marriage.

if left untreated, the likelihood of this continuing to spiral downward until he does finally throw in the towel and leave you or get with someone else is very high.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> It's likely your husband isn't the only target of her wiggly derrière in the parish.


However, the real issue is how can she "Butt Block" all the gyrating tushes in her husband's vicinity?
Idea: She could liberate hers from its Playtex prison.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> we've been mad at each other for 4.5 years and we're both very proud and stubborn. He'd prefer acting nervous around other women and feel sexual tensions with them than humbling himself and ask to sleep with me after i told him that i feel like a sex doll.


You pretty much abandoned your marriage 4.5 years ago.



Mary_Rose23 said:


> He appears to be faithful physically for now, but i think he's emotionally engaged with the other woman. If not, how can he be so nervous to the point of looking so pale and as if he's about to pee his pants? He always look shy when he walks pass by her. Then she acted shy back. And i have to see this scene of my husband having a shy moment with another woman, which appears to be a sexual tension between them.


You really sound mentally ill. You are jealous of him being shy?!



Mary_Rose23 said:


> not sure why you'd think my behavior is nuts. he has been disrespecting me in front of other women with by letting them know that he likes them through his constant nervousness/shyness and sexual tensions with them. as a result, these women have also been disrespecting me by purposely stand near him or walk pass him even when i'm around. They speak with seductive voice, perk their asses, swing their hips, and look at me with contempt.
> I see all these things, it's not an imagination.


You seem to be suffering from paranoia. Seriously, you are seeing women "perk their asses", lol. Your behavior is absolutely nuts.




Mary_Rose23 said:


> my husband has confirmed that he finds her attractive, so it's not a paranoia. and that's my problem, people think that i'm crazy when it's my husband who is the crazy one with his weird attraction to just any walking femail beings. I guess guys will always side with the other guy even if he's crazy.


FYI, snowbum is a woman. I find other women attractive, it is just a human thing. I'm not sure why your husband would volunteer that information, but my guess is that he didn't volunteer it. I bet in your paranoid state you kept asking him if he found this woman or that woman attractive. He got fed up with it and said he does.



Mary_Rose23 said:


> you wouldn't be jealous if your husband likes other women all the time and everywhere you go, and he does it in your face? and these women disrespect with seduction right in front of you?
> 
> *i've noticed his attraction for other women more now that i'm older and more mature and more observant*.


I seriously doubt you are more observant. You are just seeing what you want to see. Please get help for this.



Mary_Rose23 said:


> I told the priest but he thinks my perception is wrong before he even did anything to verify my perception first. And she happens to be his good friend.


Or it could be that he sees your accusation as bat **** crazy, as I believe they are. I mean come one, you are in year 5 over an argument about your husband being shy around other women. You really don't hear how crazy that sounds?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You really don't hear how crazy that sounds?


As crazy as that might be, what we have here is an eventual self fulfilled prophecy.


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## Narilka (4 mo ago)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> we've been mad at each other for 4.5 years and we're both very proud and stubborn. He'd prefer acting nervous around other women and feel sexual tensions with them than humbling himself and ask to sleep with me after i told him that i feel like a sex doll.


Why don’t you lead by example and begin changing to create a healthy home and life for your family? From everything you have posted I highly doubt that the situation your life is currently in is entirely his fault.

You seem to have a fixed belief, wether its right or wrong it’s unbending no doubt. No one can live up to another person’s unwavering belief forced down their throat.

You can’t make this woman or your husband change their behaviors, they have freewill. Ever make a peed off toddler listen when they are dead set not to? They they are 2 feet tall and still aren't able to be 100% controlled. Same concept. I’m not convinced you want harmony in your marriage and a healthy sex life.

You’re going in circles in the thread, if this is how you discuss topics with your husband it’s no wonder he’s nervous around women. And yes constant hovering over your adult husband and making statements about your perception of his body language and thought process is stressful on a person and they will create anxiety issues that could affect their social interactions.

If you don’t line him disrespecting you why are you still married?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> we've been mad at each other for 4.5 years and we're both very proud and stubborn. He'd prefer acting nervous around other women and feel sexual tensions with them than humbling himself and ask to sleep with me after i told him that i feel like a sex doll.


How in the world would, could, or even waaaayyy out there stretch it that you have any reasonings refusing H sex because you feel like a sex doll when you cut off sex almost 5 yrs ago?

That makes no sense whatsoever.

Btw, if any sex doll that is incapable of having sex would be immediately returned as broken and replaced with a working one.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

gaius said:


> I think the only solution might be catching a boat off of whatever deserted island they live on where a guy who turns pale and can't speak around women is something worth fighting over. Yeah, it's rough out there but not that rough.


We'll, the fact that he can be that paralyzed by that woman's beauty (although she's fat, older, and red like a pig), doesn't it mean that he's somewhat obsessed for her. It seems to me that he likes her an awful lot to the point of being paralyzed mentally temporarily. ? You're ok if your spouse can like someone that much?


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

You seem to have a fixed belief, wether its right or wrong it’s unbending no doubt. No one can live up to another person’s unwavering belief forced down their throat.

[/QUOTE]
I have a perception based on what I e been observing with my husband and this other woman and I kept asking my husband to convince me that I'm wrong with a reasonable explanation.
But he refuses to explain. He'd give me an answer which doesn't make sense and told me to believe it. When I dug deeper, he refused to continue talking about it and said that it would make him think of her even more.

This indicates that he's super obsessed with this woman, the fact we can't even mention her name. 
Are you ok if you're spouse can like someone else this much?


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> We'll, the fact that he can be that paralyzed by that woman's beauty (although she's fat, older, and red like a pig), doesn't it mean that he's somewhat obsessed for her. It seems to me that he likes her an awful lot to the point of being paralyzed mentally temporarily. ? You're ok if your spouse can like someone that much?


In your response to "doesn't it mean that he's somewhat obsessed for her?" The answer, collectively from so many of us is *no*. Let me repeat, *no.. no, no, no, no*. Now, does it mean YOU are obsessed over this scenario, I believe the answer to that is *yes*.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> You seem to have a fixed belief, wether its right or wrong it’s unbending no doubt. No one can live up to another person’s unwavering belief forced down their throat.


I have a perception based on what I e been observing with my husband and this other woman and I kept asking my husband to convince me that I'm wrong with a reasonable explanation.
But he refuses to explain. He'd give me an answer which doesn't make sense and told me to believe it. When I dug deeper, he refused to continue talking about it and said that it would make him think of her even more.

This indicates that he's super obsessed with this woman, the fact we can't even mention her name.
Are you ok if you're spouse can like someone else this much?
[/QUOTE]

Of course he can't stop thinking about her, you can't either an insist on bringing her up over and over and over.


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

the reason I say that is because what you are perceiving probably isn’t real.

[/QUOTE]
That's the problem, people keep thinking that my perception isn't real no matter how many times I e told them that my husband has confirmed my perception to be correct, which is the fact that he finds these women attractive. 

It's easy to perceive it because he's shy and nervous around these women whom he finds attractive. And it's also not hard for these women to notice his attraction for them due to, again, his obvious nervous and shy expressions. 

Most women think that a man is interested in them when the man is shy around them. Bad women who are desperate for attention or just want new feelings of being in love would reciprocate by doing things to seduce/flirt with the man. 

There are people who cheat, and it usually starts with one person attracted to another. Why are people talking like there's no one has ever cheated in the history of mankind? Are my words just sound stupid? If I say it in a different way, it might sound more believable?


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> In your response to "doesn't it mean that he's somewhat obsessed for her?" The answer, collectively from so many of us is *no*. Let me repeat, *no.. no, no, no, no*. Now, does it mean YOU are obsessed over this scenario, I believe the answer to that is *yes*.


You're not explaining, you're just making a statement.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> How in the world would, could, or even waaaayyy out there stretch it that you have any reasonings refusing H sex because you feel like a sex doll when you cut off sex almost 5 yrs ago?
> 
> That makes no sense whatsoever.
> 
> Btw, if any sex doll that is incapable of having sex would be immediately returned as broken and replaced with a working one.


@Mary_Rose23 

So, how did you get to rationalizing you're a sex doll? You opened that door......


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> I have a perception based on what I e been observing with my husband and this other woman and I kept asking my husband to convince me that I'm wrong with a reasonable explanation.
> But he refuses to explain. He'd give me an answer which doesn't make sense and told me to believe it. When I dug deeper, he refused to continue talking about it and said that it would make him think of her even more.
> 
> This indicates that he's super obsessed with this woman, the fact we can't even mention her name.
> Are you ok if you're spouse can like someone else this much?


Ahh, no, you appear to be the person obsessed with this woman. 

I bet he knows if he mentions her name you will go ape ****.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> You're not explaining, you're just making a statement.


There’s been plenty of ‘splanin’ Lucy. Plenty, but no hearing on your end, just repetition after repetition of your irrationalism.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

@Mary_Rose23 Was your husband nervous around you when you first started dating?


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## Mary_Rose23 (8 d ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> @Mary_Rose23 Was your husband nervous around you when you first started dating?


He was briefly nervous when he first saw me but he didn't have brain fog or can't think straight just because of being nervous like when he's around some other women.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> the reason I say that is because what you are perceiving probably isn’t real.


That's the problem, people keep thinking that my perception isn't real no matter how many times I e told them that my husband has confirmed my perception to be correct, which is the fact that he finds these women attractive.

It's easy to perceive it because he's shy and nervous around these women whom he finds attractive. And it's also not hard for these women to notice his attraction for them due to, again, his obvious nervous and shy expressions.

Most women think that a man is interested in them when the man is shy around them. Bad women who are desperate for attention or just want new feelings of being in love would reciprocate by doing things to seduce/flirt with the man.

There are people who cheat, and it usually starts with one person attracted to another. Why are people talking like there's no one has ever cheated in the history of mankind? Are my words just sound stupid? If I say it in a different way, it might sound more believable?
[/QUOTE]
You think he is attracted to every woman he sees. Doubtful. Also doubtful these women are into him

Has he ever admitted to actually cheating on you physically? Have you always acted this way?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Beware. The butt succubus is powerful!!! 😋


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> @Mary_Rose23
> 
> So, how did you get to rationalizing you're a sex doll? You opened that door......


A sex doll with a slow leak? Not good.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Mary_Rose23 said:


> We'll, the fact that he can be that paralyzed by that woman's beauty (although she's fat, older, and red like a pig), doesn't it mean that he's somewhat obsessed for her. It seems to me that he likes her an awful lot to the point of being paralyzed mentally temporarily. ? You're ok if your spouse can like someone that much?


I’d wonder what I did to cause my spouse to detest me. You come off as a mean, vain, nut


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Beware. The butt succubus is powerful!!! 😋
> 
> View attachment 95464


I'm sorry... what were we talking about?  

@Mary_Rose23 I would suggest counselling as a couple and individually.

Is it possible the woman with the wiggly bottom has identified that she makes her husband nervous and is teasing him in fun?


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> I'm sorry... what were we talking about?
> 
> @Mary_Rose23 I would suggest counselling as a couple and individually.
> 
> Is it possible the woman with the wiggly bottom has identified that she makes her husband nervous and is teasing him in fun?



Essentially the barbarian is referring to a jezebel I believe. But I could be wrong.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Essentially the barbarian is referring to a jezebel I believe. But I could be wrong.


Actually ever since I read the line "seducing him with her butt" I've been pretty much useless.🤣


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## Narilka (4 mo ago)

[/QUOTE]
I have a perception based on what I e been observing with my husband and this other woman and I kept asking my husband to convince me that I'm wrong with a reasonable explanation.
But he refuses to explain. He'd give me an answer which doesn't make sense and told me to believe it. When I dug deeper, he refused to continue talking about it and said that it would make him think of her even more.

This indicates that he's super obsessed with this woman, the fact we can't even mention her name.
Are you ok if you're spouse can like someone else this much?
[/QUOTE]

First I would never assume what my husband thinks without asking. Or anyone else for that matter. Why? Because I literally can’t read minds. You’ve noted that you believe he has not given you a sufficient enough answer to satisfy you’re perception of his behaviors. How are you planning on forcing him to tell you what you want to hear?

You filled in the blanks, noted above in your post, when his answer wasn’t sufficient to change your mind or answer what you believe you saw. Nothing he says will be good enough to match the belief you created. He will fail every time.

Secondly, once I’ve reached the conclusion that I was disrespected and my husband was dismissive towards my feelings I would no longer stay. You are staying with this man that you chose and continue to choose as your spouse for a reason that you aren’t saying and that’s cool people never tell their therapists everything either. Since you are willing to stay with this man what are you going to do to better your situation? 

Remember it is physically impossible for you to tell him what to think and who he finds attractive. And honestly that is not your job or responsibility. People will do what they do and it will not always meet our expectations. Which is what you are experiencing.

Your behaviors will all bleed over to your child. How are you demonstrating how to have a healthy marriage and self respect? How will they value themselves in their own relationships as an adult? 

But I dunno I’m not sure you’re interested in anything other than an echo chamber. Insight is a wonderful thing to have and you are so fixed on what your needs are. That’s no fun to be around.


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