# Text Messages to OM Not On Phone Bill



## ballinhand (Aug 23, 2017)

Ok first time posting on something like this. But I could sure use the advice, so here we go.

My wife and I have been married for 10 years. We did have a separation about 6 years ago when I caught her in affair with a co-worker. All started with her receiving random expensive gifts from this man which turned my radar on. Then found out she was texting this guys non stop. The straw that broke the back was him telling her how beautiful she was. That point I knew it was at least an EA. We both had drinking problems at that time, hers probably a little more severe. We separated, she went to rehab and cleaned up her act. We then reconciled, she earned my trust back, and we had a kid. Everything was great since we got back together. Of course the affair is always in the back of my mind, but I finally got to the point where I feel I could trust her. Thought I would never have anything to worry about again. 

Fast forward to 6 months ago. I found out she had been texting a new guy at work. I happened to look over her shoulder and seen a text from this guy. I knew it who it was from, so thought I would ask who it was. She lied and said her mom. Knowing it wasn't I said ok and started my spying. Same thing I did on the last affair. Checked the phone bill and seen she was texting him a lot. I confronted her and she agreed it was probably inappropriate given our past but insisted it was strictly platonic. She agreed to stop texting him. I thought we squashed it. I thougth everything was great and back to normal. Until the other day. My son had her phone before she work up. I grabbed it from him only to see a text from this guy asking if she was sleeping. So I bit. Opened up the messsages to see the last thing I wasnted. A Bunch of flirty text. Him calling her beautiful, her talking about his crazy wife. Multiple mentions of possibley going to a park, and we "might" run into each other. Nothing concrete that they did meet. Nothing overly sexual. Just him telling her constantly how beautiful she is and how lucky I am to have her. Oh and a few times of him syaing he was going to "lubricate" after thinking about her. I did not have much time, as she was right next to me sleeping. But what I did see brought back memories. I haven't confronted her yet as I know how it will go if I dont' have the concrete evidence. She will deflect saying nothing is going on othere than them texting. I want to have facts when I confront her.

So I start digging. I go to my phone bill and it doesn't show any texts from this guy. I don't actually have his number, but I would know it when I see it. And I know the times these texts were coming in, and nothing matches up on my bill. Is there so kind of app that would make these messages be removed from my bill? I am almost positive these were standard text messages, and not from an app. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Eventaually I will confront here. But like I said I want concrete evidence of how far this has gone before I do. 
.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

@GusPolinski


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Did you ever get the full details from her first affair?

Did your WW ever do any IC and hard introspection into why she allowed herself to have that A?

Because, from your post it seems to me that you and your WW never really addressed that betrayal at all....you never got the full story of what happened and she never dealt with her issues that led her to do it......

It was just rugswept from what I can see from your post.

It is not surprising that you are back here again if that is the case....

You never gave her true consequences.....she never did the work to change her entitled behavior.

Now she is back at it again in at least an EA.

You had best follow the no-nonsense advice you get from the experienced posters here if you want to truly save your M....

And the first thing you need to face is your WW is a serial cheater.....they are notoriously difficult to successfully R with, because if a person can see the pain this causes once, and then do it again....well, that type of person is almost impossible to ever establish trust with again.

First thing you have to decide is this.....Do you even want to try to save this M with a two time betrayer (and one it seems you are not even fully aware of what exactly the extent of the betrayals have been)?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

VAR her car or wherever she would have private phone conversations, to get your answer.


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

The best thing you should do is file for Divorce that well either wake her up snap her out of the fog. But realistically she's a two-time cheater. She's a serial cheater they rarely reform back into a good spouse. The best thing for you to do to get yourself infidelity. You need to be honest with yourself and know that she does not make a good wife material . You deserve so much better. There is someone out there special for you. Your wife is no good... take yourself out of the situation. The sooner you divorce your life you'll be able to find a woman that will love you for who you are your because wife doesn't.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

If they're both using iMessage (which would mean that they're both using iPhones) then the texts won't show up on the phone bill.

What kind of phone do you use?

Do either of you own an iPad? How about a Mac computer?

Do you know whether or she's enabled two-factor authentication for her iCloud account?

Regarding the first affair, did she or OM get a new job once she agreed to cut contact with him? If he is/was married, was the affair exposed to his wife?

Also realize that in an overwhelming majority of cases, EAs with co-workers turn into PAs... and it usually doesn't take long for that to happen.

Also, how old is your kid?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You can also ask the phone company not to list messages on the bill..... you might want to call them and ask if that's been requested.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> You can also ask the phone company not to list messages on the bill..... you might want to call them and ask if that's been requested.


I've never heard this.

That's crazy.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Just to answer this one. 

She is already cheating again and defending herself. 

Hope you screen shot the messages. 

With her past. You have plenty to confront her. Don't let her double talk you. If she try's and deflect, tell her when she is ready tell the truth you will listen. Then walk away.


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## mcdetroit586 (Mar 5, 2017)

You're married to her, so it is your phone. Take it, read the messages to her and she will give you a response. If she tried to act like it is nothing, then shes cheating. This is what women do, they lie and then they blame you for the affair. She won't stop. It happened to me, found out about this guy, confronted her with full detail about what I knew about him, she continued it for 4 months, then I found out they'd slept together, still continued it. We are divorcing FINALLY after 12 years, 2 kids. Women cheat, they're just better about lying about it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Sparta said:


> The best thing you should do is file for Divorce that well either wake her up snap her out of the fog. But realistically she's a two-time cheater. She's a serial cheater they rarely reform back into a good spouse. The best thing for you to do to get yourself infidelity. You need to be honest with yourself and know that she does not make a good wife material . You deserve so much better. There is someone out there special for you. Your wife is no good... take yourself out of the situation. The sooner you divorce your life you'll be able to find a woman that will love you for who you are your because wife doesn't.


This is the correct answer. Any other advice is icing on an ice cream sundae.....not needed.

I love snooping, I love seeing a cheater caught with their underpants down around their ankles..

But then you have to smell the garbage, see the two of them romping around in your mind. His penis slipping in and out of your cheating wife's VJ.

Do this if you like drama....painful, heart wrenching drama.

I would serve her Divorce Papers at work.

And never look back. She needs to be free. To eff as many men as she wants.

You need none of this. Later, when all the dust settles, find a faithful, loving women.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I've been recently through this. Like Gus said, if it's iMsg (both iPhones), it won't show up as it goes through Apple's servers. You can turn off iMsg on her phone but she'll know immediately as the colors are different in the Messages app and she can't see if another iPhone user is typing a response back. 

I used Dr Fone to recover the deleted texts and I was able to see it all there. While the timestamps and to/from numbers were missing in most, the content of the text messages was there and proof of the crime. You need the PIN to get into the phone. If you have that, just grab the phone and take it to work and do your recovery. It will take a few hours, so you could possible do while sleeping but it's the longest 2 hours of your life.

I'd also VAR her vehicle. I'm doing that currently and it's hard to sneak in the car to hide it. But I think this is the best way to catch them. The car is the safe spot.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Some phones will hold 2 sim cards. Messages could be sent/received using the other sim card, like having a burner phone except there is no physical second phone, just 2 numbers on one phone.


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

Copy the texts and email them to his wife. I take it you have his name so it cant be too hard to get his wife's name. Say nothing. When the sh*t kicks off.....say nothing.

It's good to try and nip things in the bud. You know where it is going if it hasn't already been there. Cut her legs off now and watch which way she crawls (would say the same about a guy...it's just an expression ).

She will actually respect you in some way if you act swiftly and blow this up. If you hang it out then her feelings for him will just grow and grow and ultimately make it more difficult for you. Now is the best chance you have, unless you want to build a case for divorce.

To be honest she sounds like someone who will require a lot of c*ck-blocking. If you want to reconcile then she will need major surgery or you are going to have to be her guard dog.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> If they're both using iMessage (which means that they're both using iPhones) then the texts won't show up on the phone bill.


 @ballinhand

If your wife uses an iphone there's a 95% chance that's why..... I had the same issue until I set up her apple id on an old iphone I had and got the real time scoop on her scum baggery....

For what it's worth friend. STOP wasting your time. If you know there's an OM, walk away. Continuing to investigate won't give you closure, just more misery. She's not worth it, no cheater is.


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## Real talk (Apr 13, 2017)

Sorry but she sounds like an attention *****, and there is not a single more destructive affliction than a woman who feeds off male validation. 

There are many messaging apps out there that don't function like traditional text messaging including imessage, what's app or even snap chat and kik. She apparently doesn't respect you enough to fear any consequences, it's time you start working on yourself and your own livelihood.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

SMS texts only show up on the phone bill under certain circumstances. For instance, two IPhone users can Iphone Message each other without the messages showing up. Also any sort of app, like Whatsapp, will hide it all


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## Cormano (Aug 22, 2017)

Like everyone said, iMessages wont show up, however you can subphoena imessages, the downside is that only a judge or someone who is law related can get those.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Cormano said:


> Like everyone said, iMessages wont show up, however you can subphoena imessages, the downside is that only a judge or someone who is law related can get those.


I believe they can be recovered, especially if there is an online cloud memory where IPhone activity is stored. you just need to password to that online storage...which she probably forgot even exists.


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