# Wife Pregnant By Another Man



## knight185 (Jan 9, 2013)

In another post I mentioned that my wife asked for a divorce in May. In June she revealed she was having an affair and got pregnant. She is applying for state aid in another state where she now has a rental place. I was told that if she uses state medical for the prenatal care that the state can come back after her if she is still married and ask for repayment. She told them she is separated. I don't want to be held liable for that. I was also wondering if my health insurance plan would cover her prenatal care even if we know the child is not mine. Do family plans even care who the biological father is prior to birth? If we did a pre-birth paternity test that proved the child isn't mine, what insurance would be liable for the prenatal expenses ?


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Find yourself a great lawyer... one who has experience with just this.

Sadly, I am sure there are a few around or those who know of them.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Get a lawyer, but the answer is most likely Yes. Until the baby is proven not be yours it is assumed, which sucks while making sense, the child is a dependent of the father because of marriage. She's your wife, unless you pull her off your insurance, these companies do not care about your marital or biological status. Also, while it sucks, you might as well let her use your medical. If the baby turns out to be yours, they can hit your for the pregnancy costs later.

As stated above my post, have a sit down with a lawyer or a paralegal service, EVEN if you are trying alternative ways to divorce.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

knight185 said:


> In another post I mentioned that my wife asked for a divorce in May. In June she revealed she was having an affair and got pregnant. She is applying for state aid in another state where she now has a rental place. I was told that if she uses state medical for the prenatal care that the state can come back after her if she is still married and ask for repayment. She told them she is separated. I don't want to be held liable for that. I was also wondering if my health insurance plan would cover her prenatal care even if we know the child is not mine. Do family plans even care who the biological father is prior to birth? If we did a pre-birth paternity test that proved the child isn't mine, what insurance would be liable for the prenatal expenses ?


Sorry to hear. Yes, I would think your plan would cover your STBX even if the child is not yours. For lack of a better description, pregnancy falls under a health issue for mom and child until birth. Prenatal care. If your STBX is under you plan I do not see how the insurance company could not pay for prenatal care.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

,


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## knight185 (Jan 9, 2013)

My attorney said he needs to see my medical policy to see how it covers a pregnancy not from me. It seems like my medical would cover prenantal while we are married. But I would want to file a motion to show paternity to the other man. The baby could be born before our divorce is finalized. At that point I assume the medical responsibility would transfer to my ex-wife or her boyfriend.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

knight185 said:


> My attorney said he needs to see my medical policy to see how it covers a pregnancy not from me. It seems like my medical would cover prenantal while we are married. But I would want to file a motion to show paternity to the other man. The baby could be born before our divorce is finalized. At that point I assume the medical responsibility would transfer to my ex-wife or her boyfriend.


For me, morally, the ex and her BF should be covering expenses. If your ex is still on your policy the insurance people should provide cost coverage. 

My BIL has is ex on his policy. She is covered no matter what transpires and with whom. Odd...I know...


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

knight185 said:


> My attorney said he needs to see my medical policy to see how it covers a pregnancy not from me. It seems like my medical would cover prenantal while we are married. But I would want to file a motion to show paternity to the other man. The baby could be born before our divorce is finalized. At that point I assume the medical responsibility would transfer to my ex-wife or her boyfriend.


I think your first priority is to do what ever the hell it takes to make sure your name does NOT end up on that birth certificate. Things can get really bad and all kinds of messed up in these situations, and it is not a stretch to think that you will end up legally and financially responsible for this child even if proven to be another mans. Obviously depends on which state and jurisdiction you are in, but plenty of them out there still cling to very old and draconian laws when it comes to things like this.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

OP, why are you even worrying about this? Just divorce her right away and let her figure it out. She figured out how to pregnant without you, let her figure out how to pay for it without you.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> My BIL has is ex on his policy. She is covered no matter what transpires and with whom. Odd...I know...


Nope, not odd at all. It completely depends on the divorce decree and settlemnt. It actually happens more than people realize.


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## knight185 (Jan 9, 2013)

I don't think my insurance would cover a wife a divorce. How does an ex get covered ?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Nope, not odd at all. It completely depends on the divorce decree and settlemnt. It actually happens more than people realize.


I venture it would. My BIL is the only person whom I have experienced the divorce dynamics. In short, no one else to talk to about it but me and of course his lawyer. His is the only experience I can reference. I can assure he would love to dump her from the policy and completely out of his life but having kids with his xw makes that an impossibility.


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## knight185 (Jan 9, 2013)

My insurance allows me to drop a spouse and just have me and my kids. I don't see how I would be required to keep an ex on there. Insurance would have to allow it.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

Have your lawyer do what he can ASAP. State you are in will matter. Hate to say this but news could be pretty bad. I know of at least 1 state where yes you/your insurance will have to pay for everything and also you can be liable / have to pay child support. Doesn't matter if the kid is biologically yours - only that you are legally married to her when she got pregnant. I know that sounds outrageous - but I also know I'm correct on this. Guess why ? Sorry you joined "this" club. I had already filed for divorce and it was in process - but she got pregnant before the divorce was final so it "counted" as being married. I was lucky - she waived the CS - but my lawyer said she could have and would have gotten it. Get your lawyer anything he asks for ASAP.


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

samyeagar said:


> I think your first priority is to do what ever the hell it takes to make sure your name does NOT end up on that birth certificate. Things can get really bad and all kinds of messed up in these situations, and it is not a stretch to think that you will end up legally and financially responsible for this child even if proven to be another mans. Obviously depends on which state and jurisdiction you are in, but plenty of them out there still cling to very old and draconian laws when it comes to things like this.




Agreed!!! I'm still dealing with the fact that I made a bad choice thinking it would be better for the kids to think mommy and daddy were still together until I moved out so I put my exs name on the birth certificate even though he's my current husbands child. I lived with my ex until I could get a place...a few months. Got preggers and didn't want the kids to be confused. Now my son wants nothing to do with my ex, knows who his dad is and we r trying to get my sons name changed and my husbands name on the birth certificate. It's a fiasco, I know it's not exactly the same, but the husband is automatically put on the certificate in many states and it will be a headache no matter what. They might even be able to demand child support until it's worked out!


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## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Nope, not odd at all. It completely depends on the divorce decree and settlemnt. It actually happens more than people realize.




And until the baby is born, prenatal are is only considered care of the mother. The baby isn't legally a person until it is born (unfortunately) so it will be covered. As for after the divorce, depends on the divorce decree, sometimes the spouse carrying health insurance has to continue for a period of time, but if u aren't on the birth certificate and it's not yours, u don't have to worry about the babies costs. But u have to make sure u are NOT put on that certificate! She can do it when u aren't there! I filled the paperwork out when my husband was at work, why I remember that I don't know...so she can screw u if ur not careful!!!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Good man. 

The baby didn't choose to be in this situation. Keeping your wife covered during the pregnancy - is an act of kindness directed at the baby. 

I'm not excusing your wife's behavior. And hey - if her boyfriend can and will take on responsibility for her healthcare - that's great. But if he can't or won't - you are being a good person by putting the baby first. 






knight185 said:


> I don't think my insurance would cover a wife a divorce. How does an ex get covered ?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This is a two-step process.

Step 1: get a good family law lawyer.

Step 2: do what lawyer says. 

This is a complex issue over all if our heads. Get expert legal counsel and do what lawyer says.


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## knight185 (Jan 9, 2013)

I am definitely keeping my wife on insurance until the divorce. I can't kick her off until the divorce anyway. We are delaying it until January 2018 to avoid tax issues for 2017. But with the baby being born before then I need to make sure the biological father signs the birth certificate. But in case he starts playing games I should demand a paternity test. That way once the divorce is final I am not stuck with the kid.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

dude, just deal with the tax issues and get out.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Yeah, do not drop her until the divorce is final. 

Any medical bills she incurrs while married could be joint debt.

Make sure you dispute paternity right away, as the husband is assumed to be the father.

Are you sure you aren't? Were you not sexually active?


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## knight185 (Jan 9, 2013)

No way it is mine. We have not been sexually active for many months. She had some reproductive health issues and doctor actually said she could not have kids. She isn't the kind of wife that has sex with husband and affair partner. She ended up having sex on birth control and got pregnant. Surprise for her. 

Over the course of our marriage there had never been much sex but she didn't waste time with this affair.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

knight185 said:


> I am definitely keeping my wife on insurance until the divorce. I can't kick her off until the divorce anyway. We are delaying it until January 2018 to avoid tax issues for 2017. But with the baby being born before then I need to make sure the biological father signs the birth certificate. But in case he starts playing games I should demand a paternity test. That way once the divorce is final I am not stuck with the kid.


Really? Did you talk to a lawyer about this decision? If not, until you do, I'm calling it stupid. Postponing tax issues another year makes ABSOLUTELY no sense. Also, she can bleed you dry in other areas will this is going on. Oh and it is cute you are talking about the OM, who isn't married to you, as the one you are worried about playing games. Naw, any games he plays have to be cosigned by your wife, he isn't married to you.

Quit balking and go get a lawyer.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

You may not even be able to get divorced yet with your STBX being pregnant. I know that here, in Texas, you cannot. My XH left me while I was pregnant with our third child and my lawyer told me not to even file until after I delivered because it would not be finalized until then anyways. 

FWIW- he has also kept me on his insurance policy. He's in a union and insurance is very inexpensive for him. Maybe it's a drop of compassion thrown my way after what transpired, but we've been divorced for going on 2 years now (this October) and he hasn't even mentioned kicking me off.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Yeah, talk to a lawyer who specializes in Family Law.
> 
> Sorry, what a rotten position to be in. I wouldn't want to pay a dime for her medical care either [unless it might be your kid].


*My intuition tells me that he probably hasn't been anywhere near that wife of his in damned near forever, for it to be "his kid!" And that's probably out of sheer fear of contracting some incurable STD from her!

Get with a good lawyer ASAP and have them draw up a public declaration saying that you are no longer responsible for either the financial or social decisions that your STBXW chooses to make during the course of separation!*


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

As everyone else has said, get a lawyer - they can give you the options. 

You can then decide whether you want to squeeze her for everything you can. That's your choice, but get the information first.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

knight185 said:


> No way it is mine. We have not been sexually active for many months. She had some reproductive health issues and doctor actually said she could not have kids. She isn't the kind of wife that has sex with husband and affair partner. She ended up having sex on birth control and got pregnant. Surprise for her.
> 
> Over the course of our marriage there had never been much sex but she didn't waste time with this affair.


She had an affair, got pregnant, barely had sex with you and wants to divorce you, but "She isn't the kind of wife that has sex with husband and affair partner." You have no clue what your wife would do, if you ever did.


Go get a lawyer ASAP and follow the advice you are given.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> She had an affair, got pregnant, barely had sex with you and wants to divorce you, but "She isn't the kind of wife that has sex with husband and affair partner." You have no clue what your wife would do, if you ever did.
> 
> 
> Go get a lawyer ASAP and follow the advice you are given.


I think he's saying she doesn't sleep with more than one at a time. 

She was sleeping with OM and not with him. 

At least that limits his STD risk.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> I think he's saying she doesn't sleep with more than one at a time.
> 
> She was sleeping with OM and not with him.
> 
> At least that limits his STD risk.


I got that and I am saying he doesn't know. Also, I am saying her actions dictate there may be a time she was sleeping with both.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

In your other thread, you said you live in PA. You will need to act to get divorced before that baby is born! PA in one of the very few states that has presumptive paternity. Biology does not matter. If you are married when that baby is born, in PA you are presumed to be the father and may be responsible for child supoort for the hext 18+ years and these days maybe even college expenses. 
O
"Paternity presumption in Pennsylvania may be archaic but still valid in this state. It is one of only a few states that maintain this presumption of paternity. Our Commonwealth's law, with its goal of supporting an intact family unit, has resulted in husbands supporting children who are not their biological offspring."


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

dubsey said:


> dude, just deal with the tax issues and get out.


Amen! Don't be shortsighted and risk a lifetime for a few months.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

You can get testing done before the child is born, think after 10 weeks the testing can be done. You should have your lawyer push to get the testing done as soon as possible. Establish long before the birth your not the biological father.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> She had an affair, got pregnant, barely had sex with you and wants to divorce you, but "She isn't the kind of wife that has sex with husband and affair partner." You have no clue what your wife would do, if you ever did.
> 
> 
> Go get a lawyer ASAP and follow the advice you are given.


This is important to understand and accept. 

It might seem like it's harsh, but in fact it's just a direct statement of a very obvious truth, unless you always thought your wife would cheat on you....

You need to make your plans on the assumption that your wife is not who you thought she was, and cannot necessarily be trusted to do the right thing. You may still choose to give her the benefit of the doubt in some matters, but when doing so you need to recognise the risk you are taking, and manage the legal implications.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I left my exH for my AP in January 2000. Due to finances I couldn't file for divorce until July 2002. In July 2000 I became pregnant with my APs child. 

Our state presumes the legal husband of the mother is father and his name is automatically listed on the birth record by law. The only way to correct the birth record is by court order.

Long story short, I had to add to my divorce decree that my son was not issue of the marriage, have my AP sign an Affidavit of Parentage, fill out a birth record amendment form, send it all in to the state vital statistics office, and wait for the corrected version of the birth record to arrive.

Call and speak to lawyers in the county where the child will be born and find out the procedure for keeping or getting your name off the birth record.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Thanks for that MJJ, It is why I want him to get a lawyer. Some states are very archaic when it comes to paternity laws. Some states have clocks which start at birth so, if you wait too long, you are still on the hook no matter what.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

knight185 said:


> My attorney said he needs to see my medical policy to see how it covers a pregnancy not from me. It seems like my medical would cover prenantal while we are married. But I would want to file a motion to show paternity to the other man. The baby could be born before our divorce is finalized. At that point I assume the medical responsibility would transfer to my ex-wife or her boyfriend.


Health insurance should not care who the father is. It simply pays for her pregnancy expenses. Just don't tell the insurance company that she is pregnant by another man. It's none of their business. 

You should probably talk to another attorney as well because his answer, that he needs to read the policy, seems odd. A great way to run up some hours to charge you.

You could find out right now if you are the father of the baby. There are non-invasive DNA tests that can be done prior to the birth. They just use some of the mother's blood. Apparently a fetus' DNA run through the mother's blood.

Here's a link to just one of the many places that do this test.

http://www.harmonytestusa.com/?utm_...xil7uExvyN32f8omCxfq6dGcCY6arrwdTghoCvq3w_wcB


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Yes, I'd try another just to be safe, but I get the reviewing of the policy. Now, ask him why he needs to read the policy first and see if he can give you an answer. If he cannot answer go find another lawyer. On the surface, it isn't odd to me and make sense.

Still, there are a few legit reasons why he wants to review:
1) To get her to sign something which can be used later in the divorce.
2) To protect you from doing something illegal.

I am not a lawyer, but you knowingly hiding this from the insurance company could lead to ramifications later. It is called insurance fraud. All you need is for your ex to get angry and lie or it to come out in court during the divorce. No, do not believe anyone nor your wife about how cool a spouse is going to be, until the papers are signed. Too many people here and in my life had smooth sailing then suddenly, everything derails a month or two before everything is supposed to be over.


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