# Menopause



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Ladies who have gone thru menopause, do you have any desire for sex anymore?


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## pineapple (Apr 9, 2016)

Thound said:


> Ladies who have gone thru menopause, do you have any desire for sex anymore?


Mine was medical menopause, aka full hysterectomy. Yes, I wanted it more. Not that I got it, but I wanted it a lot more than before I had it. I did not take any HRT.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

pineapple said:


> Mine was medical menopause, aka full hysterectomy. Yes, I wanted it more. Not that I got it, but I wanted it a lot more than before I had it. I did not take any HRT.


I'm getting ripped off!!! :banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:


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## pineapple (Apr 9, 2016)

Thound said:


> I'm getting ripped off!!! :banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:


:crying:


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

I do, but probably it's most likely that women lose their desire with menopause (just like men lose it with andropause). But this can be remedied with bioidentical hormone replacement therapy. So there's hope.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

OliviaG said:


> I do, but probably it's most likely that women lose their desire with menopause (just like men lose it with andropause). But this can be remedied with bioidentical hormone replacement therapy. So there's hope.


 She doesn't want to take them, and I'm not even goimg to suggest it. She is worried about cancer from HRT. Even though the risk is low, I will never push her in that direction, because if something were to happen I would feel like fecal matter. Besides, she never turns me down, but I do wish she would desire me.


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

Thound said:


> She doesn't want to take them, and I'm not even goimg to suggest it. She is worried about cancer from HRT. Even though the risk is low, I will never push her in that direction, because if something were to happen I would feel like fecal matter. Besides, she never turns me down, but I do wish she would desire me.


If she has a risk factor for hormonal-induced cancer I can understand why she'd want to stay away from it. But if she has no such risk factor, she may be misinformed. A lot of the info about HRT that people are aware of is about the kind that are not identical to human hormones. There are lots of reasons to fear those. But the bioidentical hormones are different. It's worth making yourself aware of all the facts before making a decision.

I would never push anyone in either direction, but I *would* insist that we get all the information before making a decision so we could make an *informed* decision.

And I hear you loud and clear on wanting to be desired. I'm in the exact same situation - roles reversed.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Off topic - but is it true that you can no longer orgasm after a hystorectomy?


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

frusdil said:


> Off topic - but is it true that you can no longer orgasm after a hystorectomy?


I haven't had a hysterectomy, but I think there's a risk of that happening. I think that most often women can still orgasm afterwards if they have their ovaries or if they take HRT. Orgasm would feel different though, because some of your parts would be missing that usually participate.


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## pineapple (Apr 9, 2016)

frusdil said:


> Off topic - but is it true that you can no longer orgasm after a hystorectomy?


That is false. You most certainly can.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Every woman is different. Those that do still have the desire might not have the desire like they did in their 20's, lol!!!! Some of us in dry old marriages might have the desire but not necessarily with our husbands!!!! So there is alot of factors there. There are natural (holistic) remedies if your wife is interested and does not want replacement therapy.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Post menopausal and absolutely my desire and drive are as strong as ever.

If anything my desire is stronger as I am in a healthy relationship with a man that is sexually my perfect match.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

AVR1962 said:


> Every woman is different. Those that do still have the desire might not have the desire like they did in their 20's, lol!!!! Some of us in dry old marriages might have the desire but not necessarily with our husbands!!!! So there is alot of factors there. There are natural (holistic) remedies if your wife is interested and does not want replacement therapy.


That is the crux of my issue. Is it menopause or is it me? To be honest she never had a high sex drive after we got married.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

By desire you, you mean she doesn't initiate? Or she doesn't act into it?

If she has a lower natural drive, then initiating wouldn't be her thing. Its also a personality thing. So if she doesn't turn you down if you initiate I think concluding you are being "ripped off" is a bit much. 

I think people need to learn to separate the concept if a spouse "wants you" from who is the intitiater. We have the idea that if you are desired people want to jump your bones 24/7, but not everyone is wired that way. But it doesn't make their desire when things occur any less authentic. 

Honestly if I never turned husband down, and he still said he was "getting ripped off," that would really hurt. If that's the attitude, what's the point?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

One of the reasons I want my period to remain is - from reading the many stories where women DO lose their sex drive after menopause (though HRT can spice that right back up -sometimes even higher so some stories seem to tell)... True.. this doesn't happen with all women.. there are a # here still going strong- without the extra hormones, even saying it's better... 

But I know in my own family - the older females.. it appears to be the case.. I've talked to my mother about it.. an Aunt.. Also my step Mother.. that was her experience too (it died).. so I just assume I'll be similar.. things get dryer down there.. orgasms are more difficult.. Long live my period! 

Easy to say now... but I will be bound & determined to keep him happy and still show enthusiasm.. because I KNOW how much it means to him.. and well.. ME TOO - all these years. I will have those memories flooding my mind in regards to our intimacy.. wanting to recapture whatever I can & keep it alive.. 

The whole Initiating thing.. some of us are very sensitive to it..it just is what it is... we just wouldn't feel fulfilled if our lover never came on to us...yeah even if they "go along" and seem to enjoy it.. 

I've never had a problem initiating.. I can be on the aggressive side even.. better not turn me down !!... I am more geared this way over him -even.. but I must admit.. if he never initiated me.. I'd be pi$$ed [email protected]#$ ... I'd get bored with him.. it would come out my mouth.. I have gotten upset for lessor things over that..it's during those times... I've had to remind myself.. "shut up woman.. he still initiates , he still loves sex".. and this calms me down.. 

Take that away though.. the house would crumble.. I'd whine & complain.. so I guess I can't judge a man for feeling this way..

There are surely men who don't care about this.. and just TAKE what they want when they want it.. they'd be a much better sexual match for women who can't bring themselves to initiate once in a while..


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

frusdil said:


> Off topic - but is it true that you can no longer orgasm after a hystorectomy?


It is a risk of hysterectomy. However, most women are perfectly capable of orgasm afterward. I had a hysterectomy at age 34. I still have one _very_ low-functioning ovary and my cervix. Yes, an orgasm feels different now, mostly due to the fact that there are no uterine contractions. But it's still pretty darned good! No complaints there at all.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

The Relationship Between Adrenal Function and Menopausal Symptoms ? Naturopathic Doctor News and Review

What a lot of people don't understand is that many symptoms in menopause occur because of adrenal fatigue. In our stressed out world where women think they can have it all, we end up shutting down the parts of our bodies that were designed to help us get through menopause. We have to go back to the basics and be wise -moderate exercise, eat healthy clean whole foods, destress, sleep, and enjoy life. This allows nature to take its course and solves many of our man created menopausal symptoms. 

If men want to help their wives during this time - help them do the above. It will also help you with your own aging issues.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

SA, I'm pretty sure you didn't mean it that way, but that last line about "taking what you want when you want it" because the wife isn't initiating sounds really rapey.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Starstarfish said:


> SA, I'm pretty sure you didn't mean it that way, but that last line about "taking what you want when you want it" because the wife isn't initiating sounds really rapey.


No.. I don't mean it that way...though I think us women can get away with that sort of thing (my husband doesn't mind it)...

I know of a couple.. we've talked about these things...she never initiates .. and he never cared.. it's not even on his radar, he's not sensitive to this at all.. but yeah when he wants it.. she is there, and gives it to him.. that works for them.. they are sexually compatible.. 

Our dynamics are very different... I actually prefer sensitive men who want to feel desired ....I would even go so far as to be annoyed if I felt the man didn't need or care about my desire too...

I don't know.. It's not Rapey.. it's more about "passion" for each other.. the way I am looking at it.. don't we all want to feel desired.. If we as women feel this way.. we should understand why the man feels this way too..

I kinda look at it like a Love language... if we're married to someone wired like that.. 

I get it... we can't manufacture it at will.. but we should do all we can to satisfy each other.. find ways to work it up...if we're in this together..


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> By desire you, you mean she doesn't initiate? Or she doesn't act into it?
> 
> If she has a lower natural drive, then initiating wouldn't be her thing. Its also a personality thing. So if she doesn't turn you down if you initiate I think concluding you are being "ripped off" is a bit much.
> 
> ...


I feel like it just another chore for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Menopause doesn't get rid of a womans sex drive. Women get rid of their sex drive, or rather allow it to go away.

Any couple who have a good relationship will work through anything like this together if it happens. If she wants to have sex with you she will make it happen. If there are lube problems or desire problems or whatever, they can all be overcome if that's what she really wants to do. Allowing the physical aspects that sometimes happen with menopause to affect your sex life should not happen if the couple know how to, and WANT to, work together and deal with such problems together.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

SA, you sound like a wonderful and caring wife. My wife is a lot like you, thank God. She always tries to please me, and I try to do likewise. Does that mean we are sexually compatible? You betcha!

Hope1964 is dead-on, too. Women have more control of their drive than they realize in a very high percentage of cases. If they actually try to overcome any changes that take place in their body, they usually can. It's all about attitude and willingness to address those changes that make a world of difference. That goes the same for the man, too.

My wife is in full menopause now, and she never fails to try and please me. Her desire was sort of in and out for a while, but it's definitely there now with a vengeance. I have the utmost respect for my wife, and love her dearly.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

mary35 said:


> The Relationship Between Adrenal Function and Menopausal Symptoms ? Naturopathic Doctor News and Review
> 
> What a lot of people don't understand is that many symptoms in menopause occur because of adrenal fatigue. In our stressed out world where women think they can have it all, we end up shutting down the parts of our bodies that were designed to help us get through menopause. We have to go back to the basics and be wise -moderate exercise, eat healthy clean whole foods, destress, sleep, and enjoy life. This allows nature to take its course and solves many of our man created menopausal symptoms.
> 
> If men want to help their wives during this time - help them do the above. It will also help you with your own aging issues.


I didn't read the link but totally agree with your sentiments and with Hope1964.

This is about lifestyle and attitude more than anything. Live well, eat well, keep active both physically and mentally and just get on with it. IME this is the best time for sex.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Does my post menopausal wife desire sex, absolutely. Has her desire changed, absolutely, in her own words she no longer has "the biological urge to make babies". And because it has changed for her I, well we, had to change how we approached intimacy in general. (Edit to remove tmi and too specific to us details.) Took close to 3 years for us to figure out what works for us. 

But she gets that it is very important to us, and always had. What about Mrs T, even before the estrogen left the building?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I went through what felt like an endless perimenopause and am finally in menopause. My sex drive is stronger than it was before. I think this is very variable, woman to woman.


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