# face to face



## purplehaze (May 23, 2011)

Hi.
just wondered if anyone has confronted the other person and if you got any satisfaction out of it ? Am so tempted to have a face to face just to let her know wot I think of her and to rip her to shreds


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

I had a phone conversation with the MM when my wife made the NC call. I was polite but let them both know how much they had hurt me and disappointed me. I didn't scream or shout or threaten but I felt some empowerment and closure from it. 

I'm not sure I could have been quite as composed in person, but I don't know. Hope this helps.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

I did the face to face thing with the OM. The meetimg went well and non violent. I did feel much better. It did not fix me 100% but it did get me over some anger I had towards him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

I see the OM every freaking day at work, as he, my wife and I all work in the same place. Makes it imperative - if difficult - to not bash his skull in on a daily basis and to keep things from getting heated around the office.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## purplehaze (May 23, 2011)

thanx for the replies , I know deep down I would pobably loss it big time but it really bugs me that she has fot off "scott free"


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

I know that feeling, purplehaze. While my W and I have faced trials in rebuilding our marriage (not helped by both of us working with the idiot) the only consequence (if you can call it that) that he's seemed to face is getting the divorce that he would tell anyone who'd listen he wanted. Part of his pickup routine (because he tried to use it on other women around the office, not just my W) was that his wife was "crazy," this new job was the "last hope" for their marriage and that he was really just looking for an excuse to leave. Funny how, once my W and I exposed to his wife, he claimed we were lying and tried to avoid the divorce he claimed to want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tzu68 (May 9, 2011)

Grayson said:


> I know that feeling, purplehaze. While my W and I have faced trials in rebuilding our marriage (not helped by both of us working with the idiot) the only consequence (if you can call it that) that he's seemed to face is getting the divorce that he would tell anyone who'd listen he wanted. Part of his pickup routine (because he tried to use it on other women around the office, not just my W) was that his wife was "crazy," this new job was the "last hope" for their marriage and that he was really just looking for an excuse to leave. Funny how, once my W and I exposed to his wife, he claimed we were lying and tried to avoid the divorce he claimed to want.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm speaking from the total other side here and I'll tell you what happened with my H's confrontation. 
On d-day my affair partner fed me the line that he wasn't leaving me...and without my knowledge he went behind my back and sent several texts and called my H asking him for help so his W would never find out about the affair. He asked my H to delete my "secret" email account and to have my cell number changed. The Offender asking the Offended for help--asking my H to erase and delete all the evidence that could be used against him so his W would never, ever find out.
Seven calls and 16 texts later and my H was fed up with his begging and lying crap so he confronted him in person. He said he wanted to give my affair partner an opportunity to explain to him face to face about his despicable behavior with me and to give him a chance to give him a sincere and contrite apology. My H said that everything that he said went in one ear and out the other and after having read our email exchanges and knowing full-well what happened and what was shared between us--my affair partner stood in front of my H and told him how much of a "victim" he was and how he had "been trying to end things for months" and that he "just didn't know what he was doing" and that I "pursued him". 

My H has a very lucrative job and said that if he didn't care so much for me and our family that he would have inflicted serious and irreversable damage to him while he witnessed my affair partner cower and stick his hands in his pockets with his head down, visibly shake and unable to even look him in the eyes while he spoke to him. My H recorded the entire 15 minute confrontation and let me know that it wasn't to cause more harm to me when he let me listen to it...but it was so that I could hear my affair partner's words and wake up from the "dreams" that I had of him in my life again and to see that my affair partner had no dignity or character as a man. It hurt badly, but made me open my eyes.

H said that it wasn't a productive confrontation---simply because he was dealing with a spineless shell of a 'man' that only wanted to save his ass and run so he could go back home to his unsuspecting W and walk away unscathed. He was much more able to understand me...and what happened while I was in the affair because he witnessed the most massive liar and manipulator in the universe.

My affair partner used the same exact lines that Grayson's W's affair partner used on her---he said his life was "miserable" and that his wife was "crazy" and that he just "couldn't believe that it was God's master plan for him to be in such an awful, toxic marriage"---I also heard how much he "hated his wife" and "hated his f*****g life" too. I heard that for a year...and when it was all exposed he ran like a scared little boy back to his W--claiming he "loved" her and in his goodbye email to me said they were "at a turning point" in their marriage. Yep---he and his W were at a _turning point _while he was smack dab in the middle of an extremely emotional and physical affair.

So--although the confrontation revealed what my H already suspected about my affair partner....it only helped my H to know that he knows what he looks like, he terrified the living daylights out of him and let it be known that he better never come around again. He witnessed a coward and the most selfish "boy" (his words) and it was insane!!

He still wishes he would've just done the damage to him. Staying a night in jail and feeling a little pain in his fist and our bank account would've been worth it---but, H said he/we have too much to lose and that it was just pathetic to witness the true character of who I was with and hopes that he just rots from the inside out. He inflicted fear...and said that that was good enough.

The one thing that he wanted to hide the most was revealed. His W knows about the A....his greatest fears came true when we exposed it to her. I hope to never meet another "man" like him again in my lifetime. If I didn't experience this firsthand, I wouldn't believe it. It was a nightmare to live through.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I only had a chance with a face to face with the OM in my first marriage. I found out which little eatery the OM and my WW were having their little rendezvous at. So I was sitting at a table when he walks in, then when he saw me, he froze, mouth wide open and eyes bulging. Obviously not expecting to see me. He turned around and ran before I could say or do anything. That told me everything I wanted to know about him, that he's guilty and a scumbag coward. 

In this marriage, it was a long distance EA, with the OM living in Canada while I'm here in the US. When I finally found out the scumbags phone number, I called numerous times, and he never answered. I emailed him and he never answered. Yet another coward, not man enough to even answer a phone call or email.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

I've thought about calling, myself, lordmayhem. Given our circumstance, though, common sense gets the better of me. Management likes my W and I, not so much the OM. I do an awesome job, if I do say so myself (since they say so, too), and he does such a lousy job that many of us wonder how he's still smokies here. So, knowing what a lowlife he is, I wouldn't put it past him to go to HR and complain that I'm harassing him if I were to do so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Nah... I'm not taking the high road on this one because where I come from- You got to do SOMETHING. Sorry all, but this is where many of us totally differ. I'm gonna literally beat him within an inch of his life. I don't care if I spend some time in the can either. He's got a lot of hurt coming his way, let me tell you


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

i know the Om in my case. he and his wife and kids used to hang out with us and our son...

but afterwards i never saw him..

i did go into my wifes job one day, when i thought he wouldnt be ther, but he was there picking something up. he was standing at my wifes office door. i walked in, saw him (at about 6'-6'2", im 5'7") walked right over and said i want to talk to my wife..litlle ***** boy wouldtnt even look me in the eye...kept his head down and left so fast you though he was usain bolt...

was going to confront him for real on exposure day this wed. but people tlaked me out of it..at the time my wife had made her decision to leave me for him....at lesat i got that impression,and he knew, so he held the power, went to the workplace on wed, and he called in sick...but exposure day went off like a bomb..

if i were to see him now, im pretty sure hed piss his pants like bill paxton in true lies...


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Grayson said:


> I've thought about calling, myself, lordmayhem. Given our circumstance, though, common sense gets the better of me. Management likes my W and I, not so much the OM. I do an awesome job, if I do say so myself (since they say so, too), and he does such a lousy job that many of us wonder how he's still smokies here. So, knowing what a lowlife he is, I wouldn't put it past him to go to HR and complain that I'm harassing him if I were to do so.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, your circumstance is indeed different in mine and if I were in your situation, I would do what you did since you all work for the same company. In retrospect, almost a year out, I look back and I probably wouldn't make the same decision. But I was in the initial shock and fog of DDay at the time and all I wanted to do was confront OM and since I couldn't do it face to face because he's in another country, I just tried to call him on the phone.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

I avoided face to face because I knew I couldn't control myself if we were alone with no one around. I wanted to load a couple of snap caps(non-firing rounds) in my 45 hold it to his head and make him **** his pants. Decided I didn't to land in jail and needed to maintain the upper hand. I just notified his wife, twice with a lot of details she could verify. He hasn't been around again. If does come around again, it will be different.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

8yearscheating said:


> I avoided face to face because I knew I couldn't control myself if we were alone with no one around. I wanted to load a couple of snap caps(non-firing rounds) in my 45 hold it to his head and make him **** his pants. Decided I didn't to land in jail and needed to maintain the upper hand. I just notified his wife, twice with a lot of details she could verify. He hasn't been around again. If does come around again, it will be different.


 Im glad you didnt do that, a beat'n is one thing but playing around with guns takes it to whole other level. I dont point my guns at anything Im not willing to destroy. Guns arent toys or intimidation devices, if he comes around again I would focus my attention on what, or better, who, is encouraging him to.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I have not had a face to face confrontation with the ow but I have e-mailed her and she has wrote me back. I was very polite to her in the e-mail and I let her know the devastation her affair has caused to my family, and I asked her to step away from my husband and to never contact him again. She said she was sorry and she knew how I felt because her ex husband had cheated on her. I told her her actions do not say sorry because she would still not leave me husband alone. And she was not sorry, she is still in contact with my husband to this day.


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## askwomennow (May 27, 2011)

My advice would to not confront, that shows a sign of insecurity, and it won't change anything in my opinion.

The first confrontation would be to yourself. Begin your healing process by asking the following questions:
*
1.* What was missing that allowed it to happened.

*2.* Is it worthy to keep on moving a man or woman that has no respect of relationships principles?

Good luck.


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