# Friend confessed, I think!



## Sam17 (Nov 11, 2015)

Hii, 

Never wrote on one of these before, but then again, it's been awhile since I had anything resembling a real relationship, having been badly burned quite recently. 

I'm a 27 yr old Male, not that, that matters, but context. 

I met a girl, almost 2 years ago, in a game - We got on almost instantly, just as friends, she was already in a relationship.

Since that day, we've skyped almost constantly, and the friendship got stronger. 

Christmas last year, I was in an accident, hospitalized, and we didn't speak for a few months - I was going through stuff as well, emotionally, with other friends, and I kinda just escaped inside myself. 

I came back, to find that she was in another relationship, I wasn't too bummed at the time, ours had developed to the stage where I felt I had missed out, I was just happy for her, as her previous one, wasn't good. 

She's autistic, so has a lot of her own problems, and over the next 7 months of being back speaking to each other again, we've grown very, very close, spending most evening's together, either gaming or watching various things we were into, flirting even, and having a fantastic time. She broke it off with her current BF about a month ago, she had a lot of her own demons she was facing due to autism and social anxiety etc and felt she needed to be by herself - I don't want to talk about the other guy, but lets just say, he made those issues worse. We've talked about everything, and I've loved being there for her, she makes me happy, and smile, she's strong and giving despite everything. 

She came to be and asked, if I had ever thought about, if we could work something out between us, relationship wise. 

I told her it had been on my mind recently, I was growing to love her immensely. 

She said, she had also, and that, at some point, when she's feeling better, been single for a bit, and time for herself, that it might be cool if our relationship extended beyond friendship. 

I was okay with this, didn't wanna be the rebound, and for past reason, I don't want to be the guy who is there for her, only for her to realize later, once she's better, she no longer needs me, or feels the same way. 

The issues are all mine, as I've been burned, by being the nice guy before. 

This post, I'm not sure, if I want or need anyone to answer, but it's good for me to voice this in some way, if that makes sense. 

I am worried, that having both kinda confessed, but not being official, that everything comes crumbling down. 

She's got a little more distant with me recently, I understand such a drastic change in status, and understanding what we mean to each other is scary, it is for me. 

I dunno - Thanks for listening, not sure what I need from you, just, needed to voice this. 

My own past, with regards to being burned, worries me I guess.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Have you ever met this woman in person?


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## Florida_rosbif (Oct 18, 2015)

You're both single? It does sound like you've met a soulmate, if no one's going to get hurt then taking your relationship to the next level must be worth a try?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Go for it. If it doesn't work out, you'll have learned something else to take with you to the next relationship. 

How far away does she live?


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

So let me get this straight. She wasin a relationship but Skyping and getting close to you. Did her bf know about this because for you to be getting close means there had to be inappropriate conversations going on for that to happen.:scratchhead:

Women, PLEASE take note here about the male thought process. The "guy friend" kept investing time and effort and then reveals the truth that he really wanted much more. SHOCKING :rofl:

OP, my advice is you are the beta sympathy guy. She likes you because you will listen and comfort her. When you start the relationship with you, that shine will eventually dull and you'll be cast aside. Seen it so many times.

Pining for another mans gf by using sympathy. Beta orbiter 101.


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## Sam17 (Nov 11, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Have you ever met this woman in person?


We live in different countries, our only contact has been video and voice calls, and text chatting



Florida_rosbif said:


> You're both single? It does sound like you've met a soulmate, if no one's going to get hurt then taking your relationship to the next level must be worth a try?


Thanks for your advice, we're taking it slow for now, as it's a big change in the relationship we shared. 



jdawg2015 said:


> So let me get this straight. She wasin a relationship but Skyping and getting close to you. Did her bf know about this because for you to be getting close means there had to be inappropriate conversations going on for that to happen.:scratchhead:
> 
> Women, PLEASE take note here about the male thought process. The "guy friend" kept investing time and effort and then reveals the truth that he really wanted much more. SHOCKING :rofl:
> 
> ...


Don't push your experiences on to me please. 

She made the first move, not me, which I described, also, nothing inappropriate happened while she was dating the other guy, the other guy knew about me being a friend too, the feelings simply developed over a 2 year period, concluding where we are now. 

We grew close through what we had in common and mutual interests, is that hard a concept for you, does everything have to be dishonest?

It's not until very recently where I thought maybe, I actually really liked this person as more than a friend. 

I haven't been in a position where I wanted any more than that

Don't judge me as you did and put all your perceived notions of men on to me.

I did say I worried about being the guy who was just there for her, and maybe that will dull, but that's not really my fault. 

"Using sympathy" suggests I'd only ever offer her comfort for my own benefit, I'm more sorry for you that you feel that way. 

I care about her, therefore, I act like I care about her.

I appreciate you taking the time to answer my post, some of what you said is what I was initially worried about, and will take it to heart.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

jdawg does have a point though. Glad she initiated the "something more" though, that's promising. But definitely take your time and realize that without physical intimacy, a certain level of relationship will not develop. Long distance stuff is possible, but it's hard. VERY hard. And usually quite expensive.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Not quite sure how you intend to have a long-term relationship, though, unless one of you is moving.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Sam17 said:


> Hii,
> 
> Never wrote on one of these before, but then again, it's been awhile since I had anything resembling a real relationship, having been badly burned quite recently.
> 
> ...


Sam17,

This isn't real. It's as real as your alternate reality (the video game)

Yes
It requires commitment, time, attention, learning.
It requires communication, friendship, bonding.

But at any moment, the game can be shut down, and all the time, attention, learning, communication, friendships, and bonding go down with it.

Love is a spiritual, emotional, mental, social and physical bond. One that requires spiritual, emotional, mental, social, and physical vulnerability. A bond that requires you to sacrifice the comfort of being able to log on/off.

I'm not saying your friendship is fruitless brother, or that you cannot genuinely care for and be infatuated with each other. I am saying that this relationship won't be able to fill those voids anymore than the game can fill the void of real life accomplishments.

Eventually, either the game dies, or you move on, because your always grinding away to fill that void.

While you consider this, take a break, enrich your life, meet real women, if you find that you can have the same strong feelings for another woman at the same time, even if they aren't reciprocal feelings, you know your just missing somebody, anybody, and no one person in particular. Don't waste your life sacrificing for somebody that can just turn log off your life.


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## Big Tree (Jul 25, 2014)

Hi Sam,

I've been married for 22 years to a woman with high functioning autism. Do you have any questions or concerns about what that might be like?

BT


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

Do you really want to be with someone that gets "close" to other men while in a relationship?


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## Sam17 (Nov 11, 2015)

gouge_away said:


> Sam17,
> 
> This isn't real. It's as real as your alternate reality (the video game)
> 
> ...


Thanks for taking the time to respond - The game we met playing, we haven't played together for almost a year and a half, and well, the relationship has only gotten stronger. We have a lot of things we share and things in common. Even silly things like, I'd record songs on the piano for her, she'd draw me pictures. 

I completely get the sentiment behind, maybe she's not the one, just someone. It's crossed my mind, at the same time, with all the real relationships and friendships I've had, none have been this fulfilling, emotionally at least. 



Big Tree said:


> Hi Sam,
> 
> I've been married for 22 years to a woman with high functioning autism. Do you have any questions or concerns about what that might be like?
> 
> BT


I do, there has been times I wish I understood better, it's hard to put into words, it's an interaction thing and a sharing thing. Like, is she understanding my feelings, or am I understanding hers. 

I'm struggling for the words to explain what I want to say, but if you do have any very simple advice, I'd be massively appreciative. 




ricky15100 said:


> Do you really want to be with someone that gets "close" to other men while in a relationship?


That's hard to answer, because she was getting close to me you know. 

I see your point though, it's certainly something to think about. 
Her previous relationship wasn't great, we had that 3 month absence, where we have both talked since, what if, I hadn't had the accident, maybe things would have been different, maybe we wouldn't have had to take the long way round, then again, our road to get where we are, has been, for the most part, beautiful. 

I don't wanna sound Naive, but I do wanna wish for the best.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Who's going to move?


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