# I almost don't feel sexually attracted to my wife anymore



## kramer2000 (Feb 5, 2011)

Hello. My problem is I'm married, but have almost no sexual feelings for my wife anymore. We have been married for 5 years now. We have no kids. I'm 36, she's 41. We're both slightly out of shape but I don't think that is the issue, since I started losing my sex drive towards her almost from the first months. I see women I feel attracted to in many places. I love my wife. I don't want to hurt her and I'm not thinking about cheating on her, is just that I fantasize with being single so I can pursue those sexy women I've met at work or seen in the street or anywhere else. When we engage in sex, I don't have problem getting an erection and orgasming, I actually enjoy it, my problem is that I have to make a conscious effort to propose doing it and engage in sex with her, since I almost never do it out of desire anymore. She does want sex, often, but we do it like once a month. There was this co-worker I was very attracted to (a couple of years younger than me) and I had very strong sexual feelings towards her. I believe she felt more or less the same way. Anyway, I never tried anything, never initiated anything and although I desired sexual contact with her very much, I wouldn't have done it even if she suggested it, since it wouldn't be fair to my wife and I also know that that might be just an illusion, and that even if I got in a relationship with that woman and left my wife and everything, it might just happen then same thing with that woman over the course of time. What I'd REALLY like is to feel that way towards my wife again! I tried thinking more sexually and trying to be conscious to do it more often, but I just don't feel that desire. What can I do?


----------



## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

You and your wife need to go out more often, with her dressing sexy and you dressing handsome..
but what do I know, I am only 25..and after three years of marriage struggling with the exact same thing..but maybe it works for you.


----------



## bluesky (Jan 29, 2011)

If you were to work on improving the intimacy and romance, the sexual feelings will likely follow.

I think the lack of sexual desire is merely a symptom of other issues.

It does not sound like you have put a great deal of effort on rekindling these feelings.

TRY HARD.....you may be really happy with the results.


----------



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

I agree with the two above. A relationship should be in a constant state of courting and earning each others desire. Otherwise it gets old and boring real quick.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Dating your wife again. Suggest her to dress up sexy.
If it doesn't work, tell your wife the truth and ask her for help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

kramer2000 said:


> Hello. My problem is I'm married, but have almost no sexual feelings for my wife anymore. We have been married for 5 years now. We have no kids. I'm 36, she's 41. We're both slightly out of shape but I don't think that is the issue, since I started losing my sex drive towards her almost from the first months. I see women I feel attracted to in many places. I love my wife. I don't want to hurt her and I'm not thinking about cheating on her, is just that I fantasize with being single so I can pursue those sexy women I've met at work or seen in the street or anywhere else. When we engage in sex, I don't have problem getting an erection and orgasming, I actually enjoy it, my problem is that I have to make a conscious effort to propose doing it and engage in sex with her, since I almost never do it out of desire anymore. She does want sex, often, but we do it like once a month. There was this co-worker I was very attracted to (a couple of years younger than me) and I had very strong sexual feelings towards her. I believe she felt more or less the same way. Anyway, I never tried anything, never initiated anything and although I desired sexual contact with her very much, I wouldn't have done it even if she suggested it, since it wouldn't be fair to my wife and I also know that that might be just an illusion, and that even if I got in a relationship with that woman and left my wife and everything, it might just happen then same thing with that woman over the course of time. What I'd REALLY like is to feel that way towards my wife again! I tried thinking more sexually and trying to be conscious to do it more often, but I just don't feel that desire. What can I do?


Why did you marry your wife if you lost attraction to here within a couple of months? Or if it happened after the wedding, why stay married for 5 years?


----------



## Wherehasitgone? (Feb 15, 2013)

I can't believe this...I feel exactly the same way! I love my wife and I'm not thinking of cheating but I just don't feel sexually attracted to her.. She is kind and loving and treats me so well, but it's got so bad that I imagine I'm having sex with somebody else.. I don't want to feel this way, I want to fix things, but you can't force yourself to feel differently, attraction can't be controlled.. By the way I should mention she wants sex with me all the time...I just shudder at the thought of it, and yet she's got a hot body!! I'm beginning to wonder if it's over, it's becoming so tortureous because I know she is feeling rejected. I'm worried that it's all going to end soon one way or another if I don't fix things... Things were great in the first few months, the best sex and closest I've ever felt to anybody but now...gone! Did you find a solution?


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

kramer2000 said:


> I started losing my sex drive towards her almost from the first months.


Either it's a marital problem (this encompasses LOTS of things), you married the wrong person problem (settled) or you're an unable to commit to one woman problem aka you need novelty.

Losing your drive after only 3 months is a HUGE deal. Surely you have some idea what went wrong?


----------



## Sweetmaya (Feb 14, 2013)

Think about what is it that attracts you about other women? 

My husband, after a year, started acting like he was bored. So I asked him what was the problem. He said he was bored! I asked him, GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE, what did you wanted different? He said "well, I come home and you have sweats and t-shirt, then you move to flannel, and I am not attracted to flannel". (We live in upstate NY) "I want a sexy wife" So, we compromised, 3 days a week I would look good all day, we would buy a heating blanket and things got better. That also open the door for other conversations...We are always looking for improvement... 

I own 6 wigs, that go with 6 different characters...:rofl:


----------



## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

I'm waiting for a male poster to yell "Bait and Switch!" or suggest that the OP wanted to marry the lady for conveniece of some sort.

I'm just imagining if this was a female posting this, it would have been way more harsh responses than this, so I'll ask the questions:

1. Why did you marry her in the first place? What attracted to her? Does she have a lot of money, power, influence, etc.?

2. Don't you think that it is disrespectful to desire other women?

3. Since you are not attracted to her, why don't you just ask for a divorce?

4. Did you let her know how you felt, if you did how did she react?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Diego41 (Feb 9, 2013)

the problem could be your wife isnt meeting your emotional needs and you dont feel loved. in other words, she isnt doing something that you yearn for. read "the five love languages" and you will probably find out what she isnt doing.

does she cook and keep the house clean? 
does she give you hugs and kisses?
does she tell you how she loves you and what a great guy you are?
does she ever spend time with you?
does she ever give you gifts?

there is probably something on that list she doesnt do and you dont feel loved because of it. she certainly doesnt have to do all those things, but one or two of them she doesnt do can make you feel unloved if thats what you desire most.


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Diego41 said:


> the problem could be your wife isnt meeting your emotional needs and you dont feel loved. in other words, she isnt doing something that you yearn for. read "the five love languages" and you will probably find out what she isnt doing.
> 
> does she cook and keep the house clean?
> does she give you hugs and kisses?
> ...


:iagree:


----------



## Wherehasitgone? (Feb 15, 2013)

Firstly all thank you for your responses. Diego, unfortunately not, she is very kind and giving and cares for me, I feel very loved indeed. I love her too...or maybe I don't...

Techmom I want to answer your questions. I don't agree that a woman should get different responses if the people posting on here are not judgemental.

1. Why did you marry her in the first place? What attracted to her? Does she have a lot of money, power, influence, etc.?

None of the above, but she was a real comfort to me when I was going through a very bad time in my life...things are still a little bad and she is still a comfort and makes me feel secure.

2. Don't you think that it is disrespectful to desire other women?

No I don't, I think that's unrealistic but if you are extremely religious, I can understand this point of view - I am not. And this isn't about desiring other women, it's about not desiring the one I love.

3. Since you are not attracted to her, why don't you just ask for a divorce?

Because we're married! Marriage is sacred to me, I'm not like half the peopl out there that feel divorce is a quick and easy solution to a failing relationship. Unless there is some irreversible reason, I feel every effort should be made to save a marriage and only a last resort to divorce.

4. Did you let her know how you felt, if you did how did she react?

I'm worried about this because once I do this it will seriously affect her self confidence and may damage things further. I do need to address it but I need to be careful in my approach.


----------



## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

kramer2000 said:


> Hello. My problem is I'm married, but have almost no sexual feelings for my wife anymore. We have been married for 5 years now. We have no kids. I'm 36, she's 41. We're both slightly out of shape but I don't think that is the issue, since I started losing my sex drive towards her almost from the first months. I see women I feel attracted to in many places. I love my wife. I don't want to hurt her and I'm not thinking about cheating on her, is just that I fantasize with being single so I can pursue those sexy women I've met at work or seen in the street or anywhere else. When we engage in sex, I don't have problem getting an erection and orgasming, I actually enjoy it, my problem is that I have to make a conscious effort to propose doing it and engage in sex with her, since I almost never do it out of desire anymore. She does want sex, often, but we do it like once a month. There was this co-worker I was very attracted to (a couple of years younger than me) and I had very strong sexual feelings towards her. I believe she felt more or less the same way. Anyway, I never tried anything, never initiated anything and although I desired sexual contact with her very much, I wouldn't have done it even if she suggested it, since it wouldn't be fair to my wife and I also know that that might be just an illusion, and that even if I got in a relationship with that woman and left my wife and everything, it might just happen then same thing with that woman over the course of time. What I'd REALLY like is to feel that way towards my wife again! I tried thinking more sexually and trying to be conscious to do it more often, but I just don't feel that desire. What can I do?


Well since you are attracted to other females I would say this not a medical issue. It bothers me that you refer to this co-worker and how much you were attracted to her. I am not sure you are not subconciously really looking for a little excitement (curious looking and fantasizing) ..even though you say you aren't. If you really want to rebuild your relationship with your wife, you need to spend the time, focus and effort on building intimacy with her. Once a month is pretty low on the sexually connection/bonding time. 

Your right telling your wife you not attracted to her is not the best approach. I am going to get some flack for saying that I am sure. How about saying something like.."I love you dearly and I think our relationship is very important. I feel that we have let the spark die out in our relationship and I would like to work on building that passion we used to have". I don't know, there are ways of telling her without being so brutally honest as to say "you don't attract me anymore".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

mineforever said:


> Well since you are attracted to other females I would say this not a medical issue. It bothers me that you refer to this co-worker and how much you were attracted to her. I am not sure you are not subconciously really looking for a little excitement (curious looking and fantasizing) ..even though you say you aren't. If you really want to rebuild your relationship with your wife, you need to spend the time, focus and effort on building intimacy with her. Once a month is pretty low on the sexually connection/bonding time.
> 
> Your right telling your wife you not attracted to her is not the best approach. I am going to get some flack for saying that I am sure. How about saying something like.."I love you dearly and I think our relationship is very important. I feel that we have let the spark die out in our relationship and I would like to work on building that passion we used to have". I don't know, there are ways of telling her without being so brutally honest as to say "you don't attract me anymore".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with this. In my opinion, actions hurt worse than words. She wants sex often, yet they have sex once a month. Rejection screams "I don't want to have sex with you" and "I am not attracted to you". No real need to verbalize such brutality. I think the approach you suggested is a good one. it opens communication without blame or hurting anyone's feelings.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I've been married for 13+ years now. I'm 39 and my wifee is 35. No kids and probably won't have any. Only a cat. We both work full time jobs / careers, so money isn't an issue.

Day one we got married, the sex issues started. She is a larger woman and has a LD. Her parents are nice, but very shy, quiet and conservative. My wife could easily go 2 weeks of no sex and sometimes no sex for the entire month and this was going on the first year we got married!!!

I've been weight training and I'm in great shape.

It's now 13+ years later, she has gained a lot of weight and is very fat. Her sex drive hasn't changed too much, maybe a slight increase and even after our talk, her sex drive is going back to 1x every 1 - 2 weeks again.


I would say, take care of yourselves, so you're both in the same shape. Both of you dress attractively, somewhat sexy and do things together more.

There will always be another, hotter woman out there. I'm in the same situation. All my wife's female co-workers dress sexy and are in way better shape than she is and they flirt with me, talk a little dirty and they like it when I hug them. But that's as far as it would go. I agree, over time, there will always be a sexier, younger woman. That will never end. I say, get your wife to dress sexy when she's at home, do lots together, watch adult movies together, buy toys, use sensual oils, candles, wait for her in the shower, or give her oral when she is asleep, have flowers on the kitchen table before she gets up.........all will help. But if she has a LD, and you have a HD, there isn't much you can do.


----------



## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

Why the heck are the men projecting their experience onto the OP? He said that he is not attracted to his wife...not because she is LD but because he is not attracted to her because he is MORE attracted to other women. In other words, it is nothing that she is doing that is making him less attracted to her.

...Waiting for someone to tell the OP to either:

1. Go to marriage counseling, she deserves someone better who is attracted to her.

2. "fake it until you make it"

3. Why do you expect a monogamous marriage, but you don't want to give her the intimacy she needs.


----------



## wifeandmother10 (Jan 29, 2013)

I believe you can control attraction. Make love to your wife. Experience it deeply. Feel her spirit. Feel her body. Think about the love you share and your life together. She is your woman. If you have outside thoughts in intimacy slow down and refocus. This woman loves and cares for you and you for her. Your love is you're attraction. 
To me it sounds like you are doing well in trying. And if you don't want to have sex as much as you think you should that's okay.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Here is link that might be helpful to you

TEDTalks - YouTube


Also, get the book "His Needs, Her Needs", you both should read it and do the things it suggests. You can build passion in your relationship.

Have you ever left a strong sexual passion for your wife?


----------



## natasha1983 (Sep 2, 2011)

mineforever said:


> Well since you are attracted to other females I would say this not a medical issue. It bothers me that you refer to this co-worker and how much you were attracted to her. I am not sure you are not subconciously really looking for a little excitement (curious looking and fantasizing) ..even though you say you aren't. If you really want to rebuild your relationship with your wife, you need to spend the time, focus and effort on building intimacy with her. Once a month is pretty low on the sexually connection/bonding time.
> 
> Your right telling your wife you not attracted to her is not the best approach. I am going to get some flack for saying that I am sure. How about saying something like.."I love you dearly and I think our relationship is very important. I feel that we have let the spark die out in our relationship and I would like to work on building that passion we used to have". I don't know, there are ways of telling her without being so brutally honest as to say "you don't attract me anymore".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Hi mineforever, 
Thank you!! I don't think there would be anything wrong with him approaching the situation the way you are suggesting it, it puts the message across without hurting anyone...I wish my husband had approached me this way, instead of just walking out on our relationship and saying that was the end of the road for him and that he did not have any feelings anymore along with a host of other reasons and he was not even willing to try counseling or anything...I am not overweight or unattractive normally but I have a skin issue which worsened for a few months before he ended it...I found out later that he was texting a co-worker and had infact told her that he was planning to leave me before ending it with me over an email while I was visiting my family in another country (I still shudder thinking about it )..I anyway worked on it within a month and went back with much better skin and a new hairdo and decided to work on rebuilding our friendship was well...but I think it was too late..he was already looking forward to beginning things with the new girl...and maybe had already started dating her, though it did not stop him from trying to have sex with me, sometimes 3 times a day, I guess having sex with his soon to be ex wife was thrilling to him in someway..It did not work out with that girl eventually since his appeal reduced drastically the minute he was free...but he started enjoying the taste of single bachelorhood too much that month we were apart and enrolled on a dating site...Now a year later the divorce is still happening and I am not sure whether to blame myself for starting to work on our marriage too late or to hate him for being an inconsiderate prick...

As for you wherehasitgone and kramer2000 its awesome that you want to save the marriage and that you respect her feelings as well...Marriage is indeed sacred and its normal to have those feelings of dissatisfaction at some point in the marriage...your spouses might never admit it, but there are certain points in the marriage when they have felt the same way as well. I have certainly felt attracted to other men at my workplace and have fantasized about them when with my husband from time to time, but that was as far as I was willing to let it go. I knew that they were just temporary feelings when things were rough in the marriage and that they would pass..and that if I ever acted on those transient feelings I would regret it...So do try approaching your situations the way mineforever has suggested it, you will be happier and feel more fulfilled when you both get over this rough patch with your spouse...there is a reason you fell in love with each other in the first place and even a bigger reason you decided to marry each other.. all you have to do is remember it and find the good in each other all over again...all the best to both of you..


----------



## unlovedunfulfilled (Mar 18, 2013)

I see selfishness in this. I really do. I'm not trying to be rude, but it is very selfish, these feelings. Women already struggle so much to be accepted for themselves because society always tries to make women feel like they aren't quite good enough, should be a size 0, etc. What a woman really needs is a man that TRULY loves her. Loves her with everything that is in him. If a man truly, truly loves a woman, they may get older, body parts may go south, other women may be tempting, but in the eyes of his beloved, he will always see her as young and beautiful, and it is her who he chooses to love everyday. A real man makes his woman feel so good and is so busy putting his own woman on a pedestal that he has no need and no time to worry about other women. 

What if your wife were thinking like you? in my opinion, you're being very selfish. Maybe you were too immature to be married in the first place.


----------



## unlovedunfulfilled (Mar 18, 2013)

And I'm sorry, ladies. Becoming overweight, developing a skin issue, etc. All superficial reasons for a man to fall out of love with you. It just shows his immaturity to act in such a manner, and shows his reasons for marriage were very shallow. The one who really loves you, loves you even at your alleged worst. They don't walk out on you for the supposed 'next best thing'.


----------



## unlovedunfulfilled (Mar 18, 2013)

kramer2000 said:


> Hello. My problem is I'm married, but have almost no sexual feelings for my wife anymore. We have been married for 5 years now. We have no kids. I'm 36, she's 41. We're both slightly out of shape but I don't think that is the issue, since I started losing my sex drive towards her almost from the first months. I see women I feel attracted to in many places. I love my wife. I don't want to hurt her and I'm not thinking about cheating on her, is just that I fantasize with being single so I can pursue those sexy women I've met at work or seen in the street or anywhere else. When we engage in sex, I don't have problem getting an erection and orgasming, I actually enjoy it, my problem is that I have to make a conscious effort to propose doing it and engage in sex with her, since I almost never do it out of desire anymore. She does want sex, often, but we do it like once a month. There was this co-worker I was very attracted to (a couple of years younger than me) and I had very strong sexual feelings towards her. I believe she felt more or less the same way. Anyway, I never tried anything, never initiated anything and although I desired sexual contact with her very much, I wouldn't have done it even if she suggested it, since it wouldn't be fair to my wife and I also know that that might be just an illusion, and that even if I got in a relationship with that woman and left my wife and everything, it might just happen then same thing with that woman over the course of time. What I'd REALLY like is to feel that way towards my wife again! I tried thinking more sexually and trying to be conscious to do it more often, but I just don't feel that desire. What can I do?



You COULD be attracted to your wife, if you truly wanted to be, and as you know you SHOULD be. You could. Think about it. Stop looking at superficial crap, whatever that may be, and see your wife's heart. Feel her. Not 'feel her up'. Feel her spirit. Feel her heart. Feel her soul. Learn to love what makes her, HER. See the beauty in her. See the good in her. See her as your own. The only way you cannot love your wife is if you do not love yourself. She is part of you. Don't you love yourself? Your wife is to be your other half, your best half, your best friend, your partner. Stop looking at all those strumpets outside your marriage, and learn to see your wife as a blessing from God to you. "He that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing'. See your wife as God's best for you. It is unfair to your wife what you are doing. You may not have slept with those other women, but even if you've imagined it in your heart, you've done it.


----------



## natasha1983 (Sep 2, 2011)

unlovedunfulfilled said:


> And I'm sorry, ladies. Becoming overweight, developing a skin issue, etc. All superficial reasons for a man to fall out of love with you. It just shows his immaturity to act in such a manner, and shows his reasons for marriage were very shallow. The one who really loves you, loves you even at your alleged worst. They don't walk out on you for the supposed 'next best thing'.


Thank you!!!!! :iagree:...Wish more people thought this way. Unfortunately we are becoming more visual and more focused on our personal happiness, however fleeting, to sustain a successful relationship...I really wonder how our spouses would feel if we started detesting them if they started losing their hair or developing a pouch and subsequently leave them for someone younger ..do they not think about all this before taking such a damaging step in a relationship??


----------



## sjust98 (Sep 2, 2013)

I joined this forum just to respond to the complete and utter double standard flashing vulgarly at everyone that comes across this thread.

I absolutely LOVE how the guy is superficial and shallow for having this problem, but if it was the reverse, it would HAVE to be about how the man wasn't giving his wife what she emotionally needed or keeping himself attractive to her. This is only offensive to women because it alludes to the reality that maybe they aren't god's gift to men after all and that their princess mentality should have parented out of them before they turned 17. God forbid, YOU have to put effort into the relationship and not just get to be worshipped until you die. Remember, you came across many of these types of guys but you dropped them way before you met your husband because they were too clingy or too "nice". Now that you haven't "settled", you're finding out the cold hard reality that you're just simply not that special. And guess what, it's SO good for you. You're just too damaged by your false sense of value to understand it.

I had to post a reply to this thread because those of you who believe "unlovedunfulfilled" or "natasha" will fail miserably in your relationships and marriages. They do not understand, at all, adult relationships.

I'm not going to come into this thread and cite the multiple scientific studies that point to the fact that monogamy is not natural for human beings, especially not males. This is because I'm going to assume we are all adults and understand this - yet we strive to commit to monogamous relationships because they are ideal for child rearing.

You can be loved by someone without being number 1 in their sexual fantasies. If you can't get around this undeniable fact, you will be lonely forever. And it will be extremely sad, because you probably have a lot to offer someone, it's just that you were conditioned or taught to be so selfish and self absorbed and it probably was your parent's fault. But the burden for you to understand that other people, like your spouse, enjoy respect, trust, appreciation, and understanding.


----------



## ldgirl07 (Sep 1, 2013)

sjust98 said:


> I joined this forum just to respond to the complete and utter double standard flashing vulgarly at everyone that comes across this thread.
> 
> I absolutely LOVE how the guy is superficial and shallow for having this problem, but if it was the reverse, it would HAVE to be about how the man wasn't giving his wife what she emotionally needed or keeping himself attractive to her. This is only offensive to women because it alludes to the reality that maybe they aren't god's gift to men after all and that their princess mentality should have parented out of them before they turned 17. God forbid, YOU have to put effort into the relationship and not just get to be worshipped until you die. Remember, you came across many of these types of guys but you dropped them way before you met your husband because they were too clingy or too "nice". Now that you haven't "settled", you're finding out the cold hard reality that you're just simply not that special. And guess what, it's SO good for you. You're just too damaged by your false sense of value to understand it.
> 
> ...


Woah, what are you even talking about? What you claimed to know for a fact would be said to a woman about her husband not giving her what she emotionally needed WAS said to the OP about this-so much for your double standard theory. And how do you know what people would have said to a female poster Miss Cleo? Especially since we tend to think of women as not caring as much about the physical aspect of marriage-I would have to disagree with your assumption.

As for the rest of your post-you're just rambling. You seem to have some unresolved issues with women and you used this forum as an outlet to vent your frustrations when what you're talking about has nothing to do with what was being discussed here. You're making comments about this woman feeling like a princess when the OP has already said she was a good woman that loved him and was there for him through hard times. Did you even read this thread?

Then you go on some pointless sexist rant about how monogamy isn't natural - on a website that's about marriage? Really?

I think you got lost- antimisandry.com seems to be what you're looking for. Everyone there will agree with your anger & sexism!


----------



## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

Monogamy is my milieu.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

OP, I don't think anyone suggested getting your testosterone levels checked. _Newness _can give a brief bump in levels, which is why you may feel interest when you see/encounter someone you find attractive but not with your wife.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I don't hear an actual problem. I hear someone saying "I think this SHOULD be a problem".


----------



## Johnalexsch (Jun 7, 2017)

Hello, I have a similar problem. 
It's been some years now since you posted yours. 
How did you fix it? if you did. Where do you stand now?

Thanks.


----------



## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Johnalexsch said:


> Hello, I have a similar problem.
> It's been some years now since you posted yours.
> How did you fix it? if you did. Where do you stand now?
> 
> Thanks.


 @Johnalexsch, the OP (original poster) isn't going to respond to you. He hasn't been on the forum since 2011. You should consider starting your own thread if you want some assistance.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

unlovedunfulfilled said:


> And I'm sorry, ladies. Becoming overweight, developing a skin issue, etc. All superficial reasons for a man to fall out of love with you. It just shows his immaturity to act in such a manner, and shows his reasons for marriage were very shallow. The one who really loves you, loves you even at your alleged worst. They don't walk out on you for the supposed 'next best thing'.


I agree they are pretty superficial but we cannot deny the fact that men are very much visual creatures and like their wives to be appealing to them. That is one of their needs.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

unlovedunfulfilled said:


> And I'm sorry, ladies. Becoming overweight, developing a skin issue, etc. All superficial reasons for a man to fall out of love with you. It just shows his immaturity to act in such a manner, and shows his reasons for marriage were very shallow. The one who really loves you, loves you even at your alleged worst. They don't walk out on you for the supposed 'next best thing'.


Two distinctions need to be made here. First, there's usually a big difference between something like "developing a skin issue," and "Becoming overweight." Lumping them together as equals is a disservice to the discussion. In the former, it's usually something that strikes out of nowhere while the latter is usually the result of deliberate action (or inactivity or both). In one, there's nothing the object of affection could have done while in the other, the object of affection is failing to nurture the relationship. (assuming there is no legitimately diagnosable physical reason for the weight gain) It's interesting this is even brought up at this point in light of all the "wifes not attracted to me anymore" or "wife doesn't want to have sex with me anymore" and "wife is stepping out on me" threads where one of the first questions a (usually female) poster asks is "have you gained weight" or "are you overweight."

Women often "fall out of love" or at least don't "feel attracted" when a man fails to meet their "emotional needs." How is a woman letting herself go physically any different in that regard than a man who doesn't actively court? Men court (keep themselves attractive/desirable) by romantic dinners, cards, caresses, etc. while women court just by keeping themselves desirable. 

Second, we need to distinguish between love and attraction. The title of this thread is "don't feel sexually attracted..." not "don't feel love." There is not always a perfect correspondence between the two. If they were the same thing, we wouldn't use two different words in the first place. It's unfair to say OP has fallen out of love; every indication is he has not. The fact that he's trying to regain the attraction in spite of his wife's failure to keep herself in shape is evidence of that love.


----------



## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

Ok I'm going to say it because I just wrote about I insecure I with myself. WTF! No matter what u say no matter what u do Togo about telling her this it's going to destroy her. U should not have gotten married and u should get a divorce so she gets someone she deserves!!! I understand that this is something I can't control and I want to fix, that is admirable but the fact is u r looking at other women, wish u were single, all the while ur loving wife is more and more devoted to u. U r doing her so wrong! I'm insecure and DH tells me everyday how beautiful I am. Imagine how she would feel/ will feel when I tell her! Lord I'm sorry for being rude and especially for saying this, I wish I could slap the sense into u. Make u see what u have and how lucky u are and that u may find the grass isn't greener on the other side and I will regret it. And I hope when u do she's with someone who's over the moon for her.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

@Remee81 this thread is dead. The OP hasn't been on here since 2011.


----------



## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> @Remee81 this thread is dead. The OP hasn't been on here since 2011.




Yeah saw that after I posted lol felt good to get it out anyway lol


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Women often "fall out of love" or at least don't "feel attracted" when a man fails to meet their "emotional needs." How is a woman letting herself go physically any different in that regard than a man who doesn't actively court? Men court (keep themselves attractive/desirable) by romantic dinners, cards, caresses, etc. while women court just by keeping themselves desirable.


It's not. In the book His Needs, Her Needs, physical attractiveness is listed as one of the top 10 emotional needs for many spouses. Personally, I'm not attracted to men with long beards. My husband could grow one at any time and in fact, one year, he did. I told him I did not find him very attractive at that time. I'm also not attracted to men who get drunk, even if it's only once a year. I find the after-effects of bloodshot eyes, a lingering smell of beer, and a pale face after a night of partying an extreme turn-off that lasts for at least a day after. 

It is much easier for my husband to refrain from excessive drinking and consistently shave than it is for me to change how I feel about these two turn-offs. So he doesn't drink too much and he shaves regularly


----------



## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Remee81 said:


> Yeah saw that after I posted lol felt good to get it out anyway lol
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Lol. I imagine. That was quite the tongue lashing!


----------



## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> Lol. I imagine. That was quite the tongue lashing!







Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

aine said:


> I agree they are pretty superficial but we cannot deny the fact that men are very much visual creatures and like their wives to be appealing to them. That is one of their needs.


I agree with this - to a point.

Attitude and general sexiness can often outshine the physical - especially when you've been with someone a while.

There are tons of women out there who just exude sexuality, no matter what they look like. It's attractive to most men.


----------



## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

marriedguy said:


> You and your wife need to go out more often, with her dressing sexy and you dressing handsome..
> but what do I know, I am only 25..and after three years of marriage struggling with the exact same thing..but maybe it works for you.


Yes. Never underestimate the sex appeal of big hair, a tight dress and high heels. I swear, sweatpants kills more marriages than infidelity.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Zombie thread.


----------



## Meister X-man (Aug 5, 2017)

sjust98 said:


> I joined this forum just to respond to the complete and utter double standard flashing vulgarly at everyone that comes across this thread.
> 
> I absolutely LOVE how the guy is superficial and shallow for having this problem, but if it was the reverse, it would HAVE to be about how the man wasn't giving his wife what she emotionally needed or keeping himself attractive to her. This is only offensive to women because it alludes to the reality that maybe they aren't god's gift to men after all and that their princess mentality should have parented out of them before they turned 17. God forbid, YOU have to put effort into the relationship and not just get to be worshipped until you die. Remember, you came across many of these types of guys but you dropped them way before you met your husband because they were too clingy or too "nice". Now that you haven't "settled", you're finding out the cold hard reality that you're just simply not that special. And guess what, it's SO good for you. You're just too damaged by your false sense of value to understand it.
> 
> ...


You are absolutely on point. I was going to come on here and make the same point but you beat me to it. This bull**** that feminism and other social engineering has contributed to ruining women and just simply giving men the short end of the stick. We're setup to fail and the ignorant, holier that thou comments on this board are sickening and appalling. Stop bashing those who have the balls to talk about this painful topic, because I want to know a solution too since I'm having the same problem. HELP THEM AND BE CONSTRUCTIVE, instead of judging and firing at him. Nonsense.


----------



## Meister X-man (Aug 5, 2017)

Remee81 said:


> Ok I'm going to say it because I just wrote about I insecure I with myself. WTF! No matter what u say no matter what u do Togo about telling her this it's going to destroy her. U should not have gotten married and u should get a divorce so she gets someone she deserves!!! I understand that this is something I can't control and I want to fix, that is admirable but the fact is u r looking at other women, wish u were single, all the while ur loving wife is more and more devoted to u. U r doing her so wrong! I'm insecure and DH tells me everyday how beautiful I am. Imagine how she would feel/ will feel when I tell her! Lord I'm sorry for being rude and especially for saying this, I wish I could slap the sense into u. Make u see what u have and how lucky u are and that u may find the grass isn't greener on the other side and I will regret it. And I hope when u do she's with someone who's over the moon for her.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


It's not about you being rude, it's about your tone of blaming and condemning this guy, which is out of line and typical of women's nature. It's clear you haven't seemed to have worked that out of you, whatever age you are. Don't tell him he's doing wrong, don't condemn him. Find out more of why a man would say these things. Men establish attraction with women first through physical appearance. That's our biology and it's a fact. Plain and simple, if he loves her yet she is not working on her appearance, that means she is failing in maintaining her appeal to him and this is where the problem lies. If he didn't love her, he would have already been gone.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Meister X-man said:


> You are absolutely on point. I was going to come on here and make the same point but you beat me to it. This bull**** that feminism and other social engineering has contributed to ruining women and just simply giving men the short end of the stick. We're setup to fail and the ignorant, holier that thou comments on this board are sickening and appalling. Stop bashing those who have the balls to talk about this painful topic, because I want to know a solution too since I'm having the same problem. HELP THEM AND BE CONSTRUCTIVE, instead of judging and firing at him. Nonsense.


 @Meister X-man

There is a very good solution to this. But you posted on a thread that is many years old. The original poster on this thread is long gone. And this thread is about him, not you. 

So, if you want to find out what the solution to your issue is, please start your own thread and people will be more than glad to respond to you.

You might want to check that anger too. No one here is attacking you.


----------

