# I like sex....not with hubby



## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

Sounds bad....but true.
I have been married for 20 yrs. and I really enjoy having sex but I am finding i7t difficult to get aroused because he weighs over 400 lbs. He is 6'6" but he is very overweight. I love sex but what do u do when your partner doesn't get you excited? You can't make someone lose weight. It has to be a personal decision. I. Am slightly overweight and I have started to go to the gym. He will not go with me. Any suggestions?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 5stringpicker (Feb 11, 2012)

Why don't you just tell him his excessive weight is a turn off?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If he won't do it for himself then give him some external stimulation. Tell him you will not stand around and watch him die. If he does not take steps to lose the weight, you are gone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sex is one of the best exercises. sex 2 times a week is equivalent to running 90 miles a year. 

So cool low carb meals and have sex with him as often as possible. He'll lose weight... that's my weight loss plan


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## Mark Val (Mar 2, 2012)

Cogo123 said:


> Sounds bad....but true.
> I have been married for 20 yrs. and I really enjoy having sex but I am finding i7t difficult to get aroused because he weighs over 400 lbs. He is 6'6" but he is very overweight. I love sex but what do u do when your partner doesn't get you excited? You can't make someone lose weight. It has to be a personal decision. I. Am slightly overweight and I have started to go to the gym. He will not go with me. Any suggestions?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are losing interest in him on a physical basis...which might make you wanting other men...you may even be finding an excuse to have OM..

if you really loved, you would not complain like this nor even think of arousal troubles...it is just your physical want that was your love....!!

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.

* Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. It is both an art and a fortunate accident.*


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## Mr Wolf (Mar 1, 2012)

Mark Val said:


> You are losing interest in him on a physical basis...which might make you wanting other men...you may even be finding an excuse to have OM..
> 
> if you really loved, you would not complain like this nor even think of arousal troubles...it is just your physical want that was your love....!!
> 
> ...


???

I think you have to be honest with him in a loving way and offer a plan to help him take better care of his health. I'm not saying you have to make him lose weight... but he may feel so hopeless and helpless that he doesn't know where to start and doesn't think he can be successful. If he knows you love him, will support him and will not leave him he just might make the effort. Good luck.


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

No...not interested other men. I have to fix what problems exist before I move on. I have to decide if I can live having sex and not being happy sexually. 
Ele. I like your way of thinking! Lol. 
It's just getting to the point of being excited about it.
I don't want to seem shallow or not being supportive but I want to enjoy it as much as he does. He doesn't say he is unhappy about his appearance. He would like to lose the weight but its not a priority.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Has he been to the doctor for a check up lately? He needs a doctor to tell him exactly what his odds are for heart attack, diabetes, high blood pressure, ED, etc. 
He is killing himself slowly. I wouldn't be attracted either. I can't stand it when people are so self destructive and don't care. It's not fair to you in any way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> I don't want to seem shallow or not being supportive but I want to enjoy it as much as he does. He doesn't say he is unhappy about his appearance. He would like to lose the weight but its not a priority


Please forgive me, but he's lying. 

I'm a big dude and I have struggled with my weight all my life. For the most part I've been able to maintain my weight in the 250 range, but when you get 400 lbs?.....that's pure misery Cogo. 

High blood pressure is the number one killer of obese people, and if he does not take steps to get his weight down, the sex issue will be a moot point. The man of your life, your lover and best friend, will die, or at the very least stroke out and spend the rest of his life as a wheelchair conductor. Is that what you want?


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

No....I really do not.
I just spoke to him and he agreed to go to the gym with me.
I will see how well he sticks to his plan. 
Bandit.45~
I know he can't be comfortable. He just looks unhappy.
He doesn't look like he has the self esteem. Yet he makes fun of people who are overweight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

That's a lot of extra weight. What worked to motivate my husband was for ME to lose a bunch of weight and get attractive. I quit trying to get him to join me. Didn't care really. I got to the point where I was more than willing to leave him behind in my dust if that's what he chose. However I will admit he doesn't need to lose that much weight so it wasn't affecting our sex life....yet.

Now he is threatened by my looks (I'm tiny and fit now) and is working hard to lose weight to keep up with me. It's amusing.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Now he is threatened by my looks (I'm tiny and fit now) and is working hard to lose weight to keep up with me. It's amusing.


Uh, okay. Where did all the weight you lost go? To your head?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Uh, okay. Where did all the weight you lost go? To your head?


I was joking. However it did help motivate him when he saw me working so hard to lose weight and get fit. But unlike the OP my husband wasn't obese or unhealthy to start with. He was just a bit overweight.

I agree with your post I do. This guys health is on the line and it's dangerous.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Peace.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I'd feel the same way. I would not be attracted to Hubs if he was 400 pounds, nor would many poeple if their spouse was 400lbs.

I hope he can get help...it's not healthy nor is it good for your marriage.


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

Bandit.45......Lol.....that's funny. 
Mavash, I started working out again for me and my own health.
He will hopefully think about the health issues he is causing himself and the motivation will come from the results. I do not want to hurt his ego by telling him how I feel. We are here to motivate each other and learn from our experiences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Cogo123 said:


> Bandit.45......Lol.....that's funny.
> Mavash, I started working out again for me and my own health.
> He will hopefully think about the health issues he is causing himself and the motivation will come from the results. I do not want to hurt his ego by telling him how I feel. We are here to motivate each other and learn from our experiences.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As you lose weight and get thinner, doors that were once closed to you will open up. Problem is your hubby won't be able to follow you through them. 

Find a way to gently encourage him. If that doesn't work, gather the family together at the house and have a good old fashioned beat-down intervention.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Cogo123 said:


> Bandit.45......Lol.....that's funny.
> Mavash, I started working out again for me and my own health.
> He will hopefully think about the health issues he is causing himself and the motivation will come from the results. I do not want to hurt his ego by telling him how I feel. We are here to motivate each other and learn from our experiences.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Perhaps you should consider taking over the selection and preparation of the meals in your home and serve healthier food items at the table?
Generally speaking, when a person's weight nears 400 pounds, there is somebody else shoveling the food to him or her.:scratchhead:


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

No.....he works 11~8 Monday thru Friday. Part of the problem is his eating schedule. He eats dinner at 8 at night then goes to bed. I work til 6 so I make dinner and save him a plate. Its not how much he eats at one sitting, its that he eats fast and he binges on junk. He is an adult and he knows what he is doinng is wrong. He just continues to do it. We grocery shop together so we can plans meals. He gets his food elsewhere if he wants it bad enough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Cogo123 said:


> No.....he works 11~8 Monday thru Friday. Part of the problem is his eating schedule. He eats dinner at 8 at night then goes to bed. I work til 6 so I make dinner and save him a plate. Its not how much he eats at one sitting, its that he eats fast and he binges on junk. He is an adult and he knows what he is doinng is wrong. He just continues to do it. We grocery shop together so we can plans meals. He gets his food elsewhere if he wants it bad enough.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It really doesn't matter what TIME he eats as much as it matters on WHAT he eats. He should be eating at least 3 clean, and health meals a day and at set times so his body is used to eating at those times. Problems can occur that if he eats breakfast in the morning and he's too busy to eat lunch, then when it's dinner time, his body can start storing what he's eating at dinner as fat because his body doesn't know when he's going to feed it again.

Even better is eating at least 6 small meals a day. The way he has to start eating, is that he eats until he feels satisfied. NOT eating until he feels full. Now once he starts working out. He's going to get hungry...REALLY HUNGRY! And that's okay. remember six meals until satisfied, So, instead of reaching for the twinkie, make it shreaded carrots with a tablespoon of fat free ranch to get him through to the next meal.

Now, slow and steady wins the race. Right now, his metabolism is at a snails pace, you want that metabolism to be a roaring fire! He needs to do at a MINIMUM 30 minutes of cardio every other day. The days that he's not doing cardio, he needs to be pushing weight. You want him to transform his body? Cardio and weight training is the way to go. I STRONGLY recommend that you get him a personal trainer. PEROID!!!!! Yeah, it maybe 20-40 dollars and hour. But they'll get him doing the right things and pushing him to his max to get him to lose the weight. And 20-40 and hour is a small price to pay rather than an 8,000 dollar funeral.

It's going to be hard at first, but when the trainer puts him on the scale and HE discovers he dropped 20 pounds! He'll be a smiling Jack the rest of the day. ENCOURAGE HIM as much as possible. Give him and Ego stroke once in a while! "Wow! you look great!!! I don't want you talking to any other women! You're mine!" stuff like that!

Let us know how it goes and GET THAT TRAINER!!!!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Eating several small healthy meals a day (6-8) also raises the metabolism! You actually burn calories digesting the meals! Also, eating more, small portions throughout the day keeps your blood sugars level and keeps you from getting famished which causes binge eating.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

And water, water, water....and more water. Not soft drinks, sweeten Ice Tea....none of that. AND make sure the water is ice cold! First, your body needs water to assist in the celluar repair for the damage (good damage) that has been done by working out. And second, the reason it needs to be ice cold is because your body has to burn calories to warm that cold water up! Another way to speed metabolism!!!!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

nothing is going to work unless he want to do it for himself.

try to get him motivated to do it for him and he most likely will have better sucess.


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

Wow.....that is some great advice!
Yesterday was THE day. We went to the gy to sign up.
The sign said $10 month, no contract. I have had a membership for years already.
When he sat down with the person to discuss options the only thing he could do was 3 days a week and use the weight room only....no pool, no sauna, no locker room. Well, he heard this and he was disappointed. Other option was to pay $120 up from then $20 month for all. He didn't have that much with him and he could have sttayed and worked out but we left together. He said the end of the month would be better as he gets paid then. I really do not think he will go back. I know him too well. I was so sad he didn't go. I even said to him let's go to our son's gym where he works out. He said no. I don't want to work out with him! UGH!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

Physical appearance is extremely important to many people. If your partner becomes overweight, etc, it is very natural to lose sexual interest in that person.

I am glad he has agreed to start going to the gym with you.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

DO NOT get discouraged! KEEP HIM MOTIVATED!!! Keep reminding him that you need to work the household budget to set aside at least $200 (factoring in some personal trainer costs) at the end of the month.

Look, I know that your goal to get him to the gym is (kinda) sexually motivated, but it's time that you have the talk with him and you need to tell him that you're worried about his weight and you can't bear the thought losing him if there's something you can do about it. Tell him your frighten that he's just a few months away from a stroke or a heart attack. Tell him that you made a promise to spend the rest of your life with him and he also made that promise to you, so that's no reason to short change that promise. Tell him that you want to grow old with him, but at his current weight, he won't be around much longer. You're worried about his health and you just can't standby and not do anything about it anymore.

Do NOT make any reference to not being sexually attracted to him anymore due to his weight. DO NOT make it sound like the only reason you want him to go is to change his appearance. DO make it sound like you love him and you want him around for many years to come.

SO, before you have the talk. Work the budget. Find where you can make budget cuts. If you have the best cable package, back it down to medicore or basic cable. If you have all the bells and whistles to your phone plan, go to a cheaper plan. Find the money.

Work out your grocery plans. Everything low fat or fat free. Cut back on the red meat. Chicken, fish and some porks. FRESH VEGGIES. No canned stuff. Or frozen veggies. No iceberg lettuce get romane. Potatoes are....okay once in a while but focus on rice and whole grain pasta's. Wheat or whole grain breads instead of white. If you cook with butter, make it extra virgin Olive Oil. 

Get up and make him a healthy breakfast. It can be as simple as oatmeal with sliced banana's, wheat toast and a small glass of Orange juice. Pack him a lunch to take with him everyday. a roast turkey sandwich on 7 grain wheat with romane lettuce and mustard, small container of low fat or fat free cottage cheese, small container of nuts and a bottled water. For a snack, throw in a granola bar. Very simple and clean meals and something you can start RIGHT NOW!!! If you pack him a lunch, it will deter him from eating out of a vending machine or going to a fast food joint. PLUS, you save a ton of money. When you do start getting him to the gym, go with him! Do it together! Beleieve me, a fat guy in the gym feels like a hooker in a church, but if you're doing it with him, not only does he have a partner in life, he'll have a partner in the gym.

Don't give up because he's discouraged. ENCOURAGE!!!!


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

You are too awesome. 
Thank you for the words of encouragement. It seems like you really understand what I am going thru.
I will not give up easily and I would not be mean enough to tell him I am not attracted to him anymore.
Its our job as a married couple to work together and get thru problems. Thanks again!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

I want updates!!!

I know that he's not in the gym right now. But, there are small things you can do to jump start him. If you have a dog, grab the leash and grab your husbands arm and go for a walk. Just a walk around the block. It might not seem like much, but if you take a fit 180 lbs guy and put a 220 lbs pack on his back and tell him to walk around the block, that's going to be a damn tiring work-out. But, if you get him to walk, ENJOY it! Take this time to talk, to joke, to hold hands (when was the last time you held your husbands hand)...re-connect. Spend time with each other. Some nice quality time. Sometimes walks can turn into some of your most enjoyable times of your day. Something you BOTH look forward to. And he'll start to burn calories...win for both of you. Put it on your schedule, we're walking at 5:30.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> nothing is going to work unless he want to do it for himself.
> 
> try to get him motivated to do it for him and he most likely will have better sucess.


The biggest problem he will have is maintaining his motivation. He has to lose about 50% of his bodyweight, and of a biggish body to start with. Many people struggle to maintain their willpower to lose 20 pounds. He's got to lose ten times that. Keep a watch out for the sheer magnitude of the task overwhelming him.


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## Moiraine (Dec 30, 2011)

I'm sorry to hear about your husband's weight issue. I've never been in the obese category however I am overweight. What really helped me is Free Calorie Counter, Diet & Exercise Journal | MyFitnessPal.com

It helps to create a realistic calorie intake for weight loss and it makes me accountable by logging in all my daily calorie intake. I've been on that website for over two months now. I'm happy to say that I'm 2 lbs away from finally being normal weight again. 

Somewhere along the way when my obese husband saw how hard I was working he started going to the gym again as well  He too has lost a good deal of weight from his hard work.

I think you two can start off by walking around in your neighborhood, closely monitor your food intake, and then progress from there.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

It also starts off in the home. He's only going to eat what you bring home. I mean, yeah...he can jump in the car and drive to a McD's. But, it's just easier to fix a tunafish sandwich, then go through all that trouble.

Also, buy a good quality pedometer. Counts all the steps he's taken in a day. Look at it at the end of each day and strive to increase the number daily.


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

You are right about slowly since he is very big
Walking may be the key to start out with
. Thank You for all the great advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Weird...but, I'm getting excited for you! 

OKAY...so, get the pedometer, have "the talk" and get him walking. He's going to need the full use of the gym because of his weight, his legs won't be strong enough to support his body weight to perform rigorous exercise and he may develope shin splints. SO....to stop that from happening, he'll benefit from the exercise bike, crosstrainer, aqua jogs in the pool and whatever the trainer assigns that will be low impact on his legs and knees until his body weight drops. 

When he first starts working out, the weight is gonna drop off FAST...then it will stop. THIS IS NORMAL. It's called hitting a plateau. Your body recongizes that's it losing a lot of weight and it's defense mechanism kicks in and won't allow you to drop a lot of weight. Unfortunately, this is when people get discouraged and quit. He has to push past the plateau and then the weight starts coming off again. You and the trainer have to tell him ahead of time, so if it happens he'll recongize it and continue to push through.....again, I want updates!!!!!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I am all about exercise and diet and so on.

But at 400 lbs I am suggesting you look into something like a lapband in addition to the rest.

My wife lost 80 lbs with this. He could possibly lose 150 and be around 250. 250 can be worked with with diet and exercise more readily than 400.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Link what you want with what he wants. He's a guy, so he probably wants sex. He goes to the gym and works out, pretend how much it turns you on to see him sweating and give him a little something. If I knew a trip to the gym would get me a little slap and tickle, I'd be working out three times a day.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Link what you want with what he wants. He's a guy, so he probably wants sex. He goes to the gym and works out, pretend how much it turns you on to see him sweating and give him a little something. If I knew a trip to the gym would get me a little slap and tickle, I'd be working out three times a day.


Donkey and the carrot!


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

Update, I never thought I would be saying this but last week my hubby decided he wanted to join the gym last week. We have worked out every morning at 4;30am and worked out for at least an hr. We noticed that our stress levels were much less. We are eating better and I am actually optimistic about this whole thing. He seems very motivated and I have been feeding his ego. I can see he is surprised I noticed. I tell him how proud I am he is doing this. We treated ourselves today to a vanilla cone at dairy queen today. It was good. We satisfied our craving and we went right back to eating healthy. Looking forward to lots of gym time together and results which make us happier and healthier
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Okay, I'm just jumping into this thread...

Cogo, I'm thrilled to hear that your hubby's making an effort here. But as I'm tons of fun myself, I'll tell you that a guy your hubby's size can drop a lot of weight pretty quickly without much effort and then plateau. It's can be very disheartening after doing so well early on.

The key here is going to be your inspiration toward him. Others have said this already, but if you can find a way to make this a project for both of you to do together, he'll go a lot farther. Go running together, talk romantic walks if you can, anything to keep him focused on your progress. He will want to make himself healthier to make you happy.

A couple of odd suggestions... This the major hurdle for me, but when he starts to falter (like when just running becomes tedious), find ways to spice up his activity. I just took my son to Lazer Tag today, and after two 15 minute sessions, sweat was pouring off me. Do that three times a week (if I could afford it), and I'd lose the pounds in no time. I also do geocaching, which is essentially local treasure hunting but can involve walking several miles each day. Heck, there are even competitive dodgeball leagues up near me, maybe they are near you.

But the main things to remember are these: 1) He's got to want to do this for you for this to work; and 2) for him to want to do it for you, you're going to have to inspire him to do it.

Good luck.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Lots of good advice here but I see a double standard I have witnessed before on other threads on this website and other websites dealing with sexless marriages. 

When a woman posts a thread called "I like sex....just not with hubby" she gets a lot of kind words and encouragement and empathy. But have a guy post a thread called "I like sex, just not with my wife" chances are he will get crucified with a lot of posts, especially from women saying "oh your poor wife" or "if you were my husband I'd leave you in a minute" Somehow women not sexually attracted to their husbands get a free ride whereas men don't. 

If a marriage is sexless because a husband with a normal sex drive simply can't stand to have sex with his wife and would rather be getting it elsewhere, the guy who posts this information better take cover as soon as he hits the send button.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Cogo123 said:


> Update, I never thought I would be saying this but last week my hubby decided he wanted to join the gym last week. We have worked out every morning at 4;30am and worked out for at least an hr. We noticed that our stress levels were much less. We are eating better and I am actually optimistic about this whole thing. He seems very motivated and I have been feeding his ego. I can see he is surprised I noticed. I tell him how proud I am he is doing this. We treated ourselves today to a vanilla cone at dairy queen today. It was good. We satisfied our craving and we went right back to eating healthy. Looking forward to lots of gym time together and results which make us happier and healthier
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL! I am so happy for the two of you. CONGRATS! Like someone else said, he's going to drop a lot of weight fast and then, nothing for a little bit. Don't stop and get him to break through that wall! Continue to fix healthy meals for him and yourself. 

Another thing you can do is get some bikes. Go on an evening bike ride together. Not only is it exercise but it's a nice time to connect and talk. 

Has he lost anything yet? Like I said before I want updates!!!


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

We are starting to change our workout schedule to see what we like better. Instead of waking up @ 4:30 am we are going to work out after he gets home @ 8pm. We both are feeling better. I had bronchitis a few weeks back and at that point I lost 7 lbs. I do not know to date what we have lost but we can definitely tell we are on the right track. Thanks so much for your words of wisdom. This just may be what saves our marriage. All this time spent helping and motivating each other has brought us closer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I've read most of the posts, but I'm afraid I didn't read them all so sorry if this has already been suggested.

I'd strongly encourage him to find a work out buddy. Preferably a friend, but at the worst case perhaps a professional. Someone to help him stay focused and motivated. I know for me I used to work out all the time in college, not because I was a work out nut, but because my roommates and I would get the chance to talk and have fun for the next 90 minutes or so walking down and back and working out.

But yeah, everyone enjoys working out a ton more if it's fun. Also we would set goals for each other, and I know with a lot of men goals are important. Set realistic weight or strength goals. If it was me strength goals would be more "fun", meaning trying to reach a certain bench press weight I would push for 5 sets of 6 reps... that sort of thing. Biking on the machine at increasing cycling speeds for say 20 minutes.


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

Mr B~ you are right. That title to my email sounded bad. I guess that was my frustration talking. I love being with my husband and he is really funny and we have been together for a very long time. The problem isn't with him so much as it is with me. He can get excited and aroused by me but the difficult part is I cannot get sexually excited by him. Since we have been working out together I am seeing a different side of him and he is motivated. I think as we go thru this change together my feelings for him will return. I am seeing he does care about his health and appearance enough to want to change himself. That makes him more attractive to me already.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

Cogo123 said:


> Sounds bad....but true.
> I have been married for 20 yrs. and I really enjoy having sex but I am finding i7t difficult to get aroused because he weighs over 400 lbs. He is 6'6" but he is very overweight. I love sex but what do u do when your partner doesn't get you excited? You can't make someone lose weight. It has to be a personal decision. I. Am slightly overweight and I have started to go to the gym. He will not go with me. Any suggestions?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He must consume a ginormous amount of calories in a day, many of which must be empty nutritionless calories high in cholesterol, sugar, sodium.

And doing so for years.

Just the detriment to his health, should be reason enough to eat better.

Heart attack? Diabetes?

A guy that size, the pounds will melt off with miminal changes, like drinking water instead of sodas, cut out the junk food and regular exercise. At that weight he should just be walking it off.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

Mr B said:


> Lots of good advice here but I see a double standard I have witnessed before on other threads on this website and other websites dealing with sexless marriages.
> 
> When a woman posts a thread called "I like sex....just not with hubby" she gets a lot of kind words and encouragement and empathy. But have a guy post a thread called "I like sex, just not with my wife" chances are he will get crucified with a lot of posts, especially from women saying "oh your poor wife" or "if you were my husband I'd leave you in a minute" Somehow women not sexually attracted to their husbands get a free ride whereas men don't.
> 
> If a marriage is sexless because a husband with a normal sex drive simply can't stand to have sex with his wife and would rather be getting it elsewhere, the guy who posts this information better take cover as soon as he hits the send button.


Yep.

Total double standards. 

Whenever a man rants about his wife, gf or another woman, a bunch of other women take it personally and then circle the wagons and hurl shaming language at him to shut him up.

It's annoying, but then it just proves those women have an inferiority complex.


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

Thanks Browncoat~ I appreciate the advice. I am his workout buddy! Lol.
I can't lift weights like he can but we are side by side on the treadmills, and we set small goals for ourselves on each piece of machinery. His heart rate has already dropped from what it was when he first started. We are in this for the long haul....I am going to try to keep him motivated!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

I know that you wrote that the two of you are thinking about changing your work-outs from 4:30AM to 8PM. I would strongly encourage you to continue with the morning work-outs. If you continue with the morning work-outs you'll burn more calories throughout your day rather than working out in the evening.

I know it sucks getting up that early, but the benefits are better if you do so.

and CONGRATS ON THE 7lbs!!!!!


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Cogo123 said:


> Thanks Browncoat~ I appreciate the advice. I am his workout buddy! Lol.
> I can't lift weights like he can but we are side by side on the treadmills, and we set small goals for ourselves on each piece of machinery. His heart rate has already dropped from what it was when he first started. We are in this for the long haul....I am going to try to keep him motivated!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Awesome, I know i work out with my wife as well... though lol not as consistently as I should. Still for most guys I think charts/numbers help. Reaching a short term numeric goal or seeing something happen in a shortish time chart wise can help. Sound like you guys are on the right track though, really hope things work out for the best.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

crossbar said:


> I know that you wrote that the two of you are thinking about changing your work-outs from 4:30AM to 8PM. I would strongly encourage you to continue with the morning work-outs. If you continue with the morning work-outs you'll burn more calories throughout your day rather than working out in the evening.
> 
> I know it sucks getting up that early, but the benefits are better if you do so.
> 
> and CONGRATS ON THE 7lbs!!!!!


Crossbar is right on this, especially with men. Our testosterone is up in the morning (that's why men are horny in the morning) and the added T helps speed metabolism and calorie burning.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Make sure you and your hubby mix up your routine. Getting healthy is a lifestyle. 

So, instead of going to the gym every day, try going hiking at a nearby state park or outdoor area. Go to a lap pool and swim laps. Go to the zoo and powerwalk from display to display. Go biking together as a previous poster said. Mix it up. Get out and try things that you and hubby have never done before like geocaching, birdwatching, canoeing. All of these can provide opportunities to walk, climb, run or jog, and you'll be stimulating all your senses at the same time. 

Apart from lack of physical attraction, alot of your problem is apathy towards the relationship, and this is caused by allowing yourself and your hubby to lapse into a daily routine. Very unhealthy stuff for a marriage. 

Also, have hubby get a full physical workup (EKG, blood tests, stress tests, etc.). I felt perfectly fine two weeks ago, then I had a stress test and found out I had four blocked arteries! Doctor said I was weeks away from a killer coronary. I am recovering from angioplasty now. Scariest thing I have ever been through. I'm only 45. Make your hubby do this.


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

Wow Bandit. That is very scary. How is recovery coming along? Someone up there is looking out for you. So happy you are getting the help you need.
My hubby and I have been working out 6 days a week for 2 hrs a day.
I have lost 15 lbs and he has lost 12 lbs. We are noticing small changes in our bodies. We are tired att the end of our workouts but we feel good and energized afterwards. The aches and pains are there on certain days depending on what we do that day but it is well worth it.
He is getting a physical in a week or two. He has to for work so that worked out good for exercise too.
He is feeling better about himself and he is taking pride in the small goals he sets and achieves.
He is and is staying motivated. Not sure what got into him but whatever it was has really helped our marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

He loves you and wants you to want him. That's what's got into him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

We are still working out! He has lost 18 lbs. We are still working out 5~6 days week.
We get along great. We are doing something together that we know is good for us and we are liking the results. He has a long way to go but we are both seeing results. By him caring it makes me look at him differently. Our sex life has definitely improved as we both know the long term effects of working out will have long term effects for us both. Thank you for all your advice. Its amazing what exercising and determination can bring u closer together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Wow, wonderful news! So glad you got back in touch and updated us.

Increased exercise has been helping my wife and I as well, but you guys are quite the inspiration.


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