# Not feeling the love



## lonely man (Oct 7, 2010)

Been together for almost 10 years. married in 2003, got two great kids 9 and 5. another on the way. We lived in our hometown for most our lives. I'm the only worker in the house. since my current job pays well. over the last few years, both of us were getting depressed because of still living in an older trailer and the same town all our lives. But we knew I couldn't find a job with this kind of pay anywhere. SO I commited to commuting 6day work, 6 days home and we moved to a smaller town. bought a big used house. got the wife new funiture for it we even picked it all out together. We were a really close family before the move. but now I'm startign to regret it. With all the cacrifises I've made, I'm not feeling any love form my wife. The kids, not an issue. but my wife. I just can't seem to do enough to get a reaction. every trip home I make 1 day ours. we go out for lunch, plan a visit. another day is family day and two others are for the kids and me the last two are for myself and travel back nd forth to work. Recently I needed files from my computer emailed to me and we ran into a few small isues with the email program. after about 1 hour Ithought we were gettign there. email was going through, I sent her a supportign thank you via chat. but then she started sayign it was bedtime. and in the middle of chat she logged off. no goodngiht, no nothing. RIght now I feel about 6 inches tall and kicked in the "you know where" How can I fix this? or what am I not seeing?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sometimes absence does not make the heart grow fonder. 
Sorry to say, you are not there for her. you may need to reconsider your work to save your marriage. In fact I recommend it.
This marriage will head south real fast. Chicks need there man at home and you are not. As much as this sucks, I believe it to be true, so for starters what can you do to change the work thing?
SHE IS NOT HAPPY!


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## lonely man (Oct 7, 2010)

I'va asked her, she says although she doesn't like me communting she knows it's only until I find something close to home. 1 1/2 tops since then I get my bonus from work and we can sell the trailer for a good price. She seems happy, it's just that for all the cacrifice I've made, not being there all the time. working harder to give her everything she wanted, I jsut don't seem to get any affection from her. yah a get a kiss and hug when I leave for work, but no little, hey is ther eanythign you need? or thank you


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

You say she said it was bedtime...whose bedtime? Hers or the kids? If it was the kids, I would not be too offended. My boyfriend is an otr truck driver, and he knows that every night, at 9pm local time, I'm going to tell him to hold on for about 15-20 minutes, or that I'll call him back, so that I can put our 9 & 7 yr olds to bed. For both of us, the kids are the priority. Making sure they get enough sleep, have enough to eat, get their homework done, etc, is our top priority. Her signing off without a goodbye or anything was rude, but at the same time, internet connections can be finicky and it's possible she did say goodbye and it just didn't come through or she got kicked off before she could say goodbye. 

As for not feeling any love, it's hard when you're apart. My boyfriend and I have a rather...special situation that makes our relationship easier than most that have to be apart. Being a truck driver, he's able to talk to me on the phone pretty much whenever he's awake. We have to hang up when he's picking up or delivering, and we'll get off the phone for eating, bathroom, etc., but other than that, anytime we want to talk, we can. But for most people, they can't do that. We also get off the phone for a few hours in the evening so I can cook dinner, get the kids showered and help with homework, take my own shower, etc. 

I would suggest that when you are gone for work, that you and your wife figure out some kind of schedule for regular phone calls, or chatting online or whatever. Ideally, schedule it when the kids are in bed or at school or whatever, so there are no interruptions, but even if you can't do that, still make time for calls or online chatting.

She might be feeling a bit disconnected from you, because you are gone the way you are. She might be feeling as though she gets no support from you, and that is translating to her being a bit distant and not as loving. Please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying you're not supportive or that you've necessarily done anything wrong, but trying to explain how she, as the parent left behind, might be feeling. 

Try to show her you still want to be involved at home. When you have those calls, ask how she is, how the kids are; ask if there's anything you can do from where you are. Did the kids do something wrong that you need to talk to them about? Does she need you to pick something up on the way home next time?

Make sure you tell her you love her. Even if she doesn't respond in kind, hearing it from you will help her feel more connected, and should hopefully make her feel more loving toward you. Don't overdo it, but don't just say it at the very end of the phone call either. Say it maybe once or twice throughout the conversation. Send her an email every now and then and tell her you love her and you miss her. 

Keep in mind, too, you say she doesn't ask if there's anything you need. You feel as though you're sacrificing for your family, and I agree that you are, being gone the way you are. But you need to keep in mind that she probably feels as though she's sacrificing too. When you're gone, she's essentially a single parent. Everything is on her. 

From your perspective, you're giving everything up and she's got it easy; but from hers it's the opposite. You're working, and to her, that's all you have to deal with. She's got the kids, the house, cooking, homework, doctor appointments, work (if she works, you don't say so I'm not sure). 

Communication is really important here. It's important that you two talk about this, about how you both see the situation, how you both feel and what you both want.


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