# Coping with PMS/perimenopause



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I'll be 45 next month and I'm struggling. My cycles are getting shorter and shorter (25-27 days) and I'm having pms. 5-7 days before tom and I become that moody/irritable/cranky wife again and I hate it. And with my cycles so short I'm not getting much of a break from it.

I'm doing all the right things but I just started. I'm taking supplements, eating right, exercising, trying to reduce stress, etc. Last night I was in such a foul mood that I hid in my bedroom and watched a chick flick. I got a good nights sleep and woke feeling a bit better today.

Anybody here struggle with pms? If you do how do you handle? I've been blessed to have never had noticeable pms so this is new to me.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I used to have awful PMS. Crying spells, anger outbursts and sulking, along with cravings for sweets. I went on the pill and that helped a lot, as does taking more time to sleep. I also warn my husband that I may be extra sensitive that week. He ramps up the cuddling and kissing.
As far as I know, going on the pill past 35 can be dangerous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

I'm interested in hearing if anyone has any ideas as well...I'm only 24 but I start getting pms 7 days before my period starts, and now, for some unknown reason, my cycles are closing in and coming 21 days apart...talk about misery  I only have 1 week at a time now where I don't feel like crap. I have an awful reaction to additional hormones, so the pill is off-limits for me. It may be time to head to my doctor *sigh*

I have noticed extra sleep is very helpful, but it doesn't clear up all the symptoms.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

magnoliagal said:


> I'll be 45 next month and I'm struggling. My cycles are getting shorter and shorter (25-27 days) and I'm having pms. 5-7 days before tom and I become that moody/irritable/cranky wife again and I hate it. And with my cycles so short I'm not getting much of a break from it.
> 
> I'm doing all the right things but I just started. I'm taking supplements, eating right, exercising, trying to reduce stress, etc. Last night I was in such a foul mood that I hid in my bedroom and watched a chick flick. I got a good nights sleep and woke feeling a bit better today.
> 
> Anybody here struggle with pms? If you do how do you handle? I've been blessed to have never had noticeable pms so this is new to me.


 You know this was all NEW to me too when I hit my 40's (along with an increase in my sex drive). Before this time, I never had PMS, husband never made jokes about it. nothing. 

I started noticing a "pattern" that DAYS before my monthly, just little things that would not at all bother me the whole rest of the month - could just SET ME OFF , If I let my thoughts snowball. I also would describe it like being a hamster stuck on a revolving wheel, I needed to break from the negative thoughts invading my mind. I come to realize by reading my "cingulate gyrus" was being overactive during this time (more below in the bottom link)

My husband always got the brunt of this, we would always joke that he needed to put me in a Cage with Duct tape over my mouth during this time. He could usually "TALK ME OUT OF" whatever negativity I was dwelling on within a couple hours though. This was my therapy for the most part. Then it seeemd I was fine again for another month, sometimes skipping a month here, a month there. 

But I definitely realized I was EXTRA vulnerable emotionally during this time frame. 

I was reading a few books on Hormones & our BRAINS at the time. Amazon.com: brains change your life pms 

Docs have researched this & performed BRAIN SCANS on many Premenstaul sufferers, there is a real CHANGE on these scans! So it is not all in our heads. 

Here is some (more extreme) examples of this >>>> Images of PMS – Amen Clinics

Cures for PMS - Natural Cures for PMS


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I started noticing a "pattern" that DAYS before my monthly, just little things that would not at all bother me the whole rest of the month - could just SET ME OFF , If I let my thoughts snowball. I also would describe it like being a hamster stuck on a revolving wheel, I needed to break from the negative thoughts invading my mind. I come to realize by reading my "cingulate gyrus" was being overactive during this time (more below in the bottom link)


Wow, thank you so much for this info...this is *exactly* what I do. I'll get near obsessed with something stressful and can't stop thinking about it...come to think of it, that's what's likely triggering my panic attacks. And it only happens 7-10 days before my next cycle starts. Darn hormones. 

I'd never seen those brain scans before...fascinating! Glad to know we're not just "imagining" all of this...it is very real.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I even bought a small bottle of St Johns Wort (lowest dose)- thinking I will take a pill or 2 getting close to that time & see what happens, hoping to avoid this negative merry go round.

Even though you are supposed to take them every single day, I popped just one & avoided any emotional days, probably only a "placebo effect". Husband doesn't want me to take them, many links on google to suggest these pills can raise your blood pressure. We don't want that, he prefers the pain of my mental distress for a few hours a month.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

I've started doing yoga, hoping that will help with some of the emotional stress associated with pms...probably helps physically as well, I'm sure. 

Do any of you ladies do yoga and notice it helping with symptoms?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Low dosage of the proverbial SNRI therapy e.g. Cymbalta or Effexor which by the way there's some statistical evidence to suggest they BOOST libido. Atomoxetine is starting to see some off-label use apart from ADHD, albeit it's considered a drug that must be closely monitored. Some fibromyalgia drugs e.g. Milnacipran may or may not provide some relief. 

Talk to your doctor.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Today is day 3 of pms and I hit it with everything I could think of. I took 5-htp, vitamin D, an anti-bloat med, apple cider vinegar (in tablet form - heard it helps with pms), evening primrose oil and black cohosh. If that didn't work I would have tried st john wort (I happen to have some). I also worked out, took a long walk outside in the sun and have tried to relax. Overall I'm feeling better after 2 days of crabbiness. I've only been snippy ONCE which is a huge improvement over previous months.

Dh says marking it on the calendar helped him. As soon as he got home on Thursday he knew exactly what it was. LOL!!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

SA thanks for the links. I'm working on doing a lot of things on the list. I have a couple of books on menopause so that helped. The one suggested progesterone which I've been using for a while now and it hasn't helped. I've moved onto to other herbs.

What stinks is my sex drive goes out the window during pms. I still enjoy sex I'm just not likely to initiate it on these hormonal days. I'm too annoyed. LOL!!


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> As far as I know, going on the pill past 35 can be dangerous.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My x wife will soon be 38 and is still on the pill. She has been on it for about 20 years except for the two times we decided to have children. It is to regulate her system because she had such a rough time each month prior to the pill. Could being on the pill so long mess with one's emotions and cause them to feel things that are otherwise unlike them. 

She suddenly wanted a divorce after 18 years because she "wasn't happy." A few women shared their stories with her about the pill and how it eventually affected them and how they were eventually back to their old happy self once they let it go. They suggested getting off the pill and seeing how she felt the before getting a divorce, but she would have none of it.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Tylenol Menstrual helps. Have any of you tried Midol? 
I've also heard the evening primrose oil helps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

southbound said:


> My x wife will soon be 38 and is still on the pill. She has been on it for about 20 years except for the two times we decided to have children. It is to regulate her system because she had such a rough time each month prior to the pill. Could being on the pill so long mess with one's emotions and cause them to feel things that are otherwise unlike them.
> 
> She suddenly wanted a divorce after 18 years because she "wasn't happy." A few women shared their stories with her about the pill and how it eventually affected them and how they were eventually back to their old happy self once they let it go. They suggested getting off the pill and seeing how she felt the before getting a divorce, but she would have none of it.


I had my 2nd child at 38 years old. After I weaned her I tried to get back on the pill. Within 2 weeks I began to get depressed and irritable. Luckily I made the connection and threw the pills out. Now my sister is struggling emotionally and she's 40. I've encouraged her to give up the pills and she gets it now.

So short story is yes I believe long term use of the pill can cause hormonal problems later on. I took it for 14 years before quitting.

Edited to add: My hormones are so messed up now that eating too much sugar, processed foods, fat all contribute to my moodiness. 

Oh and my herbs are really working YEAH!! Today while still really bloated I'm really happy. I've been calm in spite of stress and I'm in my pms hell week too.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Magnolia,
My W has suffered from this for most of our marriage. She typically has one to two VERY irritable days a month. Her cycle is unpredictable enough that I sometimes only know the day or two after. 

If I could go back in time I would ask her to wear something distinctive, wristband, special necklace ANYTHING when she starts to feel that spike in edginess so I would know to give her some extra slack and/or give her more space. 



magnoliagal said:


> I'll be 45 next month and I'm struggling. My cycles are getting shorter and shorter (25-27 days) and I'm having pms. 5-7 days before tom and I become that moody/irritable/cranky wife again and I hate it. And with my cycles so short I'm not getting much of a break from it.
> 
> I'm doing all the right things but I just started. I'm taking supplements, eating right, exercising, trying to reduce stress, etc. Last night I was in such a foul mood that I hid in my bedroom and watched a chick flick. I got a good nights sleep and woke feeling a bit better today.
> 
> Anybody here struggle with pms? If you do how do you handle? I've been blessed to have never had noticeable pms so this is new to me.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

When our sons were around five and eight I noticed for the first time that my wife was somewhat irritable on a regular basis, out of character. Then I figured out what it was. I had a chat with my sons about menstruation and pms. I asked them to “duck” if they felt their mother was being irritable with them for no apparent reason. Bless them they did and it worked wonders and peace was restored in the home at these times. As much so because my wife figured after a while what was going on and it was really appreciated.

I think it very important that the males in the family understand this stuff as it is so very real and can cause havoc if not handled properly. I’ve been staying with my son and his partner for 3 months and understand his partner’s cycles and the affect it has on the dynamics of the relationship. But my son has forgotten to duck and at times joins in battle when antagonised, somehow I’m to bring the subject up again over a pint or two.

Bob


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Bob,
I wish I had had your wisdom. I occasionally realized this stuff after the fact but never proactively addressed it. We could have avoided many, many melt downs had I just paid closer attention to my wife. Her cycle was somewhat irregular but in hindsight there were little "tells" that I could have easily picked up just by paying attention. 




AFEH said:


> When our sons were around five and eight I noticed for the first time that my wife was somewhat irritable on a regular basis, out of character. Then I figured out what it was. I had a chat with my sons about menstruation and pms. I asked them to “duck” if they felt their mother was being irritable with them for no apparent reason. Bless them they did and it worked wonders and peace was restored in the home at these times. As much so because my wife figured after a while what was going on and it was really appreciated.
> 
> I think it very important that the males in the family understand this stuff as it is so very real and can cause havoc if not handled properly. I’ve been staying with my son and his partner for 3 months and understand his partner’s cycles and the affect it has on the dynamics of the relationship. But my son has forgotten to duck and at times joins in battle when antagonised, somehow I’m to bring the subject up again over a pint or two.
> 
> Bob


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Bob,
> I wish I had had your wisdom. I occasionally realized this stuff after the fact but never proactively addressed it. We could have avoided many, many melt downs had I just paid closer attention to my wife. Her cycle was somewhat irregular but in hindsight there were little "tells" that I could have easily picked up just by paying attention.


There’s so much to these things MEM as we discover as we go along. Goodness knows how women cope with menstruation, I couldn’t imagine it for myself. And I know it affects the dynamics in the marriage, if only us men knew more about what our wives go through, a problem shared and all that.

And then there’s what Magnoliagal is going through, sounds like coming up to the menopause. This is a massive biological change, can be very emotional and psychological and be the precursor to very big life changes. Sometimes it precipitates a complete re evaluation of previously held values and beliefs and heightened sexual desire once out the other side. I don’t know what causes that, maybe it’s the “guarantee” of no pregnancy? Which again affects the dynamics of the marriage.

They don’t teach this stuff in schools and we’re left to kind of stumble through it while at the same time wonder what’s happening. There is two sides to it. And I believe the more the males in the family know about these things the easier and less traumatic the transitions are.

Bob


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

magnoliagal said:


> What stinks is my sex drive goes out the window during pms. I still enjoy sex I'm just not likely to initiate it on these hormonal days. I'm too annoyed. LOL!!


Not me, I am the complete opposite, I get MAD and out of sorts if he doesn't come on to me enough! But yeah, I DON'T want to BE the Initiator, this I can relate too! This is usually when I feel this inate NEED to fight with my husband over him being too quiet or not erotic enough in bed. This last time I told him he was too 'Predictable & too quiet". I can go the whole month & be absolutely fine with him, then that PMS time frame comes along & if he does anything wrong, I am ready to BLOW. IN my case, it is more what he is NOT doing -that sets me off than what he IS doing. It really is insane. 

I never did any of this before my 40's. Mine never lasts for more than a few hours. What happens is -- I get mad -cause a roaring conflict about what I want, we FIGHT , and within a couple hours, if he stays & deals with me (he always does), us talking it out, resolving to do a few things different, working on something - then I feel all better somehow, the clouds have passed & the Sun is shining again. He luckily does not take this too darn personal after the fact -realizing I am half out of my mind. 

He doesn't really leave me cause he knows it will only make me worse. My husband never brings Conflict and this seems to serve MY bringing it. This does not happen every month, but when it does, it is no walk in the park for him. He KNOWS by now -what time of month it is! 

Then when we talk it out , 99.9 % of the time we have Make up sex (I have to build him back up before he is able to do this mind you), then I am good for another month -generally before the "hamster wheel of negative thoughts" might rear it's ugly head again .


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

Don't even get me started on this subject. lol Suffice it to say that the last several years have been no picnic for me or my husband. 

Here is a site I found that has lots of information. They sell products but I just read the info they provide. I also signed up for their free e-newsletter. The articles are wonderful and full of natural and healthy tips about dealing with women's issues, especially perimenopause and menopause.

Women to Women — Changing women's health — naturally


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Bob,
I have chronicled the way I have stumbled through some of my W's pre-menopause challenges. 




AFEH said:


> There’s so much to these things MEM as we discover as we go along. Goodness knows how women cope with menstruation, I couldn’t imagine it for myself. And I know it affects the dynamics in the marriage, if only us men knew more about what our wives go through, a problem shared and all that.
> 
> And then there’s what Magnoliagal is going through, sounds like coming up to the menopause. This is a massive biological change, can be very emotional and psychological and be the precursor to very big life changes. Sometimes it precipitates a complete re evaluation of previously held values and beliefs and heightened sexual desire once out the other side. I don’t know what causes that, maybe it’s the “guarantee” of no pregnancy? Which again affects the dynamics of the marriage.
> 
> ...


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

AFEH said:


> When our sons were around five and eight I noticed for the first time that my wife was somewhat irritable on a regular basis, out of character. Then I figured out what it was. I had a chat with my sons about menstruation and pms. I asked them to “duck” if they felt their mother was being irritable with them for no apparent reason. Bless them they did and it worked wonders and peace was restored in the home at these times. As much so because my wife figured after a while what was going on and it was really appreciated.
> 
> I think it very important that the males in the family understand this stuff as it is so very real and can cause havoc if not handled properly. I’ve been staying with my son and his partner for 3 months and understand his partner’s cycles and the affect it has on the dynamics of the relationship. But my son has forgotten to duck and at times joins in battle when antagonised, somehow I’m to bring the subject up again over a pint or two.
> 
> Bob


My son learned this at an early age. My wife and daughter seem to follow the same cycle, and both have extreme PMS. We wear thick socks and tiptoe around the house. When I was in a youth institution for too many fights as a teenager, I learned a type of yoga that included pretty extreme self hypnosis. I began to teach this to my wife and daughter, who then joined a yoga class down the street. They both joined because they realized that the red dots on the dry erase board calendar our family uses was our code for when to see movies, or anything to get out of the house. It helped to at least teach them to push the emotional thoughts away. I'm not at all suggesting that its psychological, but they wanted to control their emotional response to it.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I don't have that many issues with PMS other than getting the munchies, bloating some and a little emotional probably one-to-two days prior. 

When I was younger, well all I can say is...watch out.

But it's changed as I've gotten older.

Now, as far as perimenopause - I'm right in the middle of it.

I started late (after I was 50) and I'm almost 51. No "real" issues except for night sweats (hot flashes). They are getting kind of bad at night here and there. 

I had the hot flash from hell a couple of nights ago, either it was several or just one long continuous one. Hair soaked, nightgown soaked, sweat running down my legs, you name it. Woke me up several times.

Besides that, no real issues - my cycles are still normal and everything - but my blood work shows my estrogen levels are off the chart - normally what happens when you're in perimenopause.

Made sure my husband knew that and "heard" the doctor say that it could cause me to be more emotional.

I wish MEN could be in our shoes just for one month. I think they would understand things a little better!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> If I could go back in time I would ask her to wear something distinctive, wristband, special necklace ANYTHING when she starts to feel that spike in edginess so I would know to give her some extra slack and/or give her more space.


Dh says the best thing I did was mark it on the calendar so he knew what when it was coming. And I'm trying to teach him that I don't want more space I want more love during those 8 hellish days. I may not feel like initiating but I do actually want more sex. I know weird and counterproductive but when I'm feeling like a bloated, hormonal mess it helps to know my dh still finds me attractive.

I've already told him when next months is. 

I can honestly say this month while it was an emotional roller coaster for me it was better than the month before. I'm addressing issues and that feels empowering to me.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I am experiencing awful PMS right now. I am craving sugar, have a bad headache and I'm crying a lot. My lower back hurts. 
Mr.G has been warned. I simply apologized in advance for any grouchy complaining. Extra hugs are in order. 
Such is the joy of being a woman. If PMS is this bad, there's no way I could handle pregnancy.
Hormones are not my friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Mrs.G said:


> If PMS is this bad, there's no ay I could handle pregnancy._Posted via Mobile Device_


See I've been pregnant 3 times and those hormones were more feel good ones not like the awful ones that come from PMS. I glowed when pregnant. Loved it.


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