# Repeat Offender and Lucky she still wants me...



## Trezly (Oct 11, 2012)

Please bear with me for this first post may be long. I appreciate any productive suggestion, comments and advice that will follow.

My wife and I got married in Feb. 2008. Our honeymoon period was most likely on par with most marriages. After a new job forced me to stay out of town most of the work week I began acting like a single dude again. I would go drink beers with the guys, and flirt with a girl at work. These flirtations carried over to text messages and phone calls at night. The worst part about it is that I was carrying on like this while my wife was at home pregnant. While my actions never got physical it could have easily happened given all the drinking that I started doing. My wife wised up to my infidelity and nearly left me. I felt horrible about terrible. I love my wife and I was afraid that I would miss out to see our daughter come into this world. I promised to not put her in that situation again and I legitimately changed my act at that moment.
About 9 months or so later my work situation took a turn for the worst. I gained a lot of weight and became pretty depressed. I remember a few arguments where my wife said: "Why don't you just leave". Not only that but the passion we had for each other seemed to vanish into thin air. For some reason I began to think that my wife was beginning to fall out of love with me. 
An old friend of mine that my wife knew also began talking to my wife online or text I think. At the time I didn't even have her number or email address. I had made it a point to separate myself from all my old friends of the opposite sex so that no temptations or suspicions would ever arise. Looking back now, that was for good reason. My wife gave her my number in an attempt to reconnect me with an old friend. 
It wasn't until we had our biggest fight ever and my wife changed her Facebook status to single when I decided that my wife didn't love me and it was just a matter of time before she left me. I decided well if she is going to leave why not set up some insurance plans. I had no intention of leaving or even remarrying if I got divorced mind you. Thus started the flirtations and sexting. I even went as far as finding yet another co-worker to have sext conversations with. I was living two lives. Every time I felt guilty, I thought to my self, well shes leaving anyway so whatever. Her increasing communications with a guy that tried to steal her from me prior to our marriage just pretty much made it easy for me to justify my actions. 
Then one day, Boom! My wife checks out the text activity on our phone account and I spill the beans. I again was caught in an emotional affair but this time I know for sure it was going to escalate to something physical. The shame of it all snapped me back to reality in a heartbeat. 
I ceased all contact with these women. I even tried to convince my wife to just leave me because I truly felt that I was a cancer to her. While I wanted and deserved no pity whatsoever, I was in a dark place. In my depression I felt that I deserved to be unhappy and self-sabotaged myself. What is worst, I betrayed the only person that I have ever let myself get truly close to. It eats me up knowing what I put her through. She has decided to give me one last chance to change myself. I know that I need help. I plan to seek counseling very soon. I also been opening up to her more, there is no room for secrets and pent up emotions. I need to be completely candid with her. I know that I have to prove myself everyday in hopes that one day she can trust me again. I realize that I am not the man that I thought I was. I intend to try my hardest to become the man she deserves no matter what. I think I can do it. She is supportive of me. I actually feel closer to her in these last few week than I have in the last couple of years. I feel assured that she does in fact love me and truly wants to be with me. 

What are your thoughts in regards to my situation?


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Has she gone NC with the person she was texting too?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It's fixable, you both behaved in ways that were damaging. You need to look at couple's counselling, perhaps?


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

Just go to MC and IC too.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Never ever cheat again. Delete all contacts with these other women completely and forever. Never contact them again. 

Go to marriage counselling. Get the book "His Needs/Her Needs" and the "5 Love Languages."

GET BETTER BOUNDARIES (cause yours suck).


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Never ever cheat again. Delete all contacts with these other women completely and forever. Never contact them again.
> 
> Go to marriage counselling. Get the book "His Needs/Her Needs" and the "5 Love Languages."
> 
> GET BETTER BOUNDARIES (cause yours suck).



:iagree:


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## Trezly (Oct 11, 2012)

Thank you all for your suggestions. My wife did in fact go NC with that other guy. My wife and I both agree that we need to seek MC. I also am going to seek IC for myself. We both no we have our work cut out for us. It will take time but everyday counts.


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## KnK (Oct 15, 2012)

I commend you for opening up to your wife. I am on the opposite end and my husband is like you were but he does not talk to me and when I ask him why he does these things he just says I don't know , I don't want to as if that makes sense.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I don't know...while what you did (repeatedly) was wrong, it seems like your wife was acting kind of weird too. Why give you the womans number if she knows you're trying not to tempt yourself?


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## Trezly (Oct 11, 2012)

If you are questioning whether or not she was baiting me I think you are missing the point. I think there was a severe break down in communication between my wife and I. I never told her I originally broke off contact with that woman because I didn't want to tempt myself. She just wanted me to have a friend. Even if she was baiting me, I sure as hell failed miserably didn't I? The was no excuse for my behavior. In my eyes, all of the blame for this rests with me. I should have sought help a very long time ago. Instead I caused the woman I love pain. She's giving me one last shot at this, I refuse to let her down again.


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## Trezly (Oct 11, 2012)

KnK said:


> I commend you for opening up to your wife. I am on the opposite end and my husband is like you were but he does not talk to me and when I ask him why he does these things he just says I don't know , I don't want to as if that makes sense.


It really took me a long time to be able to open up to her. Aside from the shame of it, I have always been the type to keep things inside. A big part of my actions are a side effect of depression. Until recently I was in denial. With my wife's help, we were able to explore many of the things I was thinking and feeling before and during my infidelity. I am guilty of using the old "I don't know" phrase, but I realized that saying IDK doesn't solve anything. Its important to find what the root of the problem is in order to fix it.


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