# Can someone explain 'the 180'



## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

Is this similar to the points made in the NMMNG book? ie, don't initiate, do your own thing, change up for style, do your own hobbies, hang out with your friends, pretty much just treat your SO as a roommate and let her work for it?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Similar but not the same. The 180 is used in a very troubled marriage where one spouse is either rapidly retreating from the relationship or is engaged in an affair. Applying it to the common mismatched libidos would be like killing a fly with a shotgun IMO.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I'm definitely NOT the expert on 180 here so I might be way off.

But I went through my own version of the 180 in my previous sexless relationship. After trying for months to discuss sex with my SO, I discovered she was traumatized by sex (CSA) and also had BPD issues. Any discussion about sex would trigger tears or a tantrum, or both. The one time I think she was sort of honest with me was when she told me something terrible happened to her sexually. That, and her previous husband beat her up on her wedding night. I think when she hooked me, it was just for someone to take care of her and she gave me just enough to hook me. I learned the hard way.

So, I gave up. Even though I was VERY attracted to her, I just gave up. I did my own thing. Remained friendly. Reverted to my bachelor days (without sex), kept plenty busy and relatively happy.
Took care of myself sexually. Not really so bad at all.

But that's just me. I was trained to be ok, because I was a bachelor for so many years and didn't absolutely have to have sex.
Most men I think (or a lot) just have to have sex somehow.

I never left her because of the no sex. It was her cybercheating.
After the third EA, I was done.

In summary, my version of 180 was just to give up sex with her and pursue my own happiness.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
In a LD/HD situation it is more like killing a wasp with a hand grenade. Yup - you killed the wasp - and yourself. 

I simply don't see how this can make things better. Might was well leave instead.


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