# Consent between spouses: Is it a daily ask?



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

When two people get married, do their marriage vows cover all future sexual consent or is consent a daily ask? 

What are the implications of not asking for consent daily. For example, Since we got married I have had sex with him in his sleep many times. Say we are sleeping in spooning position and his boner wakes me up, Many a time I have just adjusted myself and had him. Sometimes he wakes up sometimes he does not till he finishes. Is this with or without consent? 

When about when he does the same to me? I really do not mind at all. But I am asking if people think express consent should be asked of. 

I have heard some people saying consent is important and shows respect of the other as an individual and you have to wake him/her up and ask if he/she wants to have sex, rather than taking advantage of his state of attention while he is asleep.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Speaking only for myself, marriage is consent.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Well, you'd have to wake your spouse up to ask each individual time which would ruin the whole aspect of sleep sex. So, you could have a conversation with your spouse and ask if from now on, that is something he/she consents to and then you'd know you had consent. I haven't met a man yet who would get upset if he woke up to his wife giving him oral. But I know plenty of women who would freak out to wake up with intercourse already started. Just sayin.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I believe it should be implied that consent is given unless there is an unresolved, possibly serious, problem between the two.

It is obviously between each couple.

We have no need for consent.

If one of us doesn't want it, we need to speak up because someone is getting laid when either of us initiate otherwise.

I have to watch out when I'm flirting hard or teasing Mrs. Conan because she suddenly wants it and I better be ready.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I think that if we are married we would surely know what our spouse likes or doesn't like, or wants and doesn't want anyway. 
If we know that they don't like or want something then don't do it, if they do, then carry on.

For me I think its always good to communicate about these things and not just assume.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> When two people get married, do their marriage vows cover all future sexual consent or is consent a daily ask?
> 
> What are the implications of not asking for consent daily. For example, Since we got married I have had sex with him in his sleep many times. Say we are sleeping in spooning position and his boner wakes me up, Many a time I have just adjusted myself and had him. Sometimes he wakes up sometimes he does not till he finishes. Is this with or without consent?
> 
> ...


You are over thinking this. Enjoy it! Consent isn't about what books or the media tells you, it's a personal thing between two individuals. The only time you need to worry about it is when one of you says no. I think if he didn't like it he would tell you, but ask him what his thoughts are if you are worried about it. Preferably not right before you start and he is still asleep but another time when you are both clear headed.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

If I were to ask my wifes consent all kinds of crap would hit the fan!!.

Her telling me she was mine years ago was blanket consent and she would be insulted if I had to ask.


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

@MaiChi

Marriage = implied consent (in my books)

And 'approaches to intimacy' vary from couple to couple; you should not worry about what others find acceptable (or not) in this regard. Humans are complex beings with varied preferences and expectations. 

I am absolutely indifferent to 'politically correct' views in regards to my marriage. 

Yes, a partner can say NO in certain situations such as illness, or sudden work-related pressure; humans are not machines after all. You can 'accommodate' your partner in these situations to say the least. However, 'certain situations' should not be blurred with 'excuses' because it is not wise to withhold intimacy for "selfish reasons." Some people are 'sensitive' to 'outright rejection', so it is better to have a discussion with your partner about what the two of you expect from each other in regards to intimacy.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Don't you two ever talk???

Married people have an inherent right to govern their own bodies and can say no regardless if married.

If your H hasn't ever told you to knock it off or that he doesn't like it, then he's good with it.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> Don't you two ever talk???


Right?



> Married people have an inherent right to govern their own bodies and can say no regardless if married.
> 
> If your H hasn't ever told you to knock it off or that he doesn't like it, then he's good with it.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> Married people have an inherent right to govern their own bodies and can say no regardless if married.


How does that not negate the concept of marriage?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

red oak said:


> How does that not negate the concept of marriage?


I think the conversation around consent and marriage is pretty short sighted. Do people even think about interpersonal relationships? Like people interacting with other people?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

red oak said:


> How does that not negate the concept of marriage?


What concept of marriage? It's a legal contract to produce children for the state and take good care of them. Basically, that's it. 

So, legally, and I'm not an attorney, what is happening there is rape. If, and I doubt he would want to do it, take Mai to court, he should win. 

Marriage in the church is something that does not supersede the laws of the land... unless you are a sharia following Muslim living in the U.S. in a community in a rural setting. 

Yes, it is rape. Those consent laws do not mention to ignore them, if you are married. It's not only consent for sex, but also the acts to be performed, any safe words, and enthusiastic consent must be had throughout. The only thing they don't say is that the man must be enthusiastically consensual throughout, oddly enough, or no one has mentioned men in that context because it is not commonly believed a woman can rape a man. 

I'm not putting you down, Mai. You asked. I'm letting you know how I understand it. Best to check with an attorney familiar with this law before you proceed. Divorces happen all the time and there is no telling what will come up.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

red oak said:


> How does that not negate the concept of marriage?


WHAT?????????

What on earth are you talking about?


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> I think the conversation around consent and marriage is pretty short sighted. Do people even think about interpersonal relationships? Like people interacting with other people?


True. The concept of marriage for most is more comparable to a corporate affiliation (wal mart-its supplier) as differentiated from concept of true marriage such as tree with the earth.

Corporate affiliation is severed once it becomes a point one can garner more benefits elsewhere or not getting benefits they feel they deserve.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

No one should ever be coerced, forced, or bullied into 6. That said, I feel sorry for any man who is married to the type of woman who really thinks he must obtain consent every day for the rest of their lives. These are the kinds of women that make me embarrassed to be a woman at times.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

You stated:


oldshirt said:


> Married people have an inherent right to govern their own bodies and can say no regardless if married.


I asked: How does that not negate the concept of marriage? Referring to the universal law of nature.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> What concept of marriage? It's a legal contract to produce children for the state and take good care of them. Basically, that's it.


Only because it was redefined.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

MaiChi said:


> When two people get married, do their marriage vows cover all future sexual consent or is consent a daily ask?
> 
> What are the implications of not asking for consent daily. For example, Since we got married I have had sex with him in his sleep many times. Say we are sleeping in spooning position and his boner wakes me up, Many a time I have just adjusted myself and had him. Sometimes he wakes up sometimes he does not till he finishes. Is this with or without consent?
> 
> ...


My wife knows she is free to use my sleeping body at her leisure. While the marriage itself may not imply automatic consent, I have verbally given her consent in advance for any such activity.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MaiChi said:


> When two people get married, do their marriage vows cover all future sexual consent or is consent a daily ask?
> 
> What are the implications of not asking for consent daily. For example, Since we got married I have had sex with him in his sleep many times. Say we are sleeping in spooning position and his boner wakes me up, Many a time I have just adjusted myself and had him. Sometimes he wakes up sometimes he does not till he finishes. Is this with or without consent?
> 
> ...


I don't think that a married person has to ask for consent every time and/or daily. Instead one person initiates and if the other is not interested for whatever reason, they can say no.

On the topic of sex while someone is asleep... it's ok in some marriages and not in others. I never had a problem with it... I'm ok with sex any time. That's called communication. My husband and I knew how we each felt about this.

The important thing is that each person has the right to say no. And the other does not have the right to force sex on the other at anytime.

That's not hard to understand.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

red oak said:


> Only because it was redefined.


Are you saying that you do not believe that a spouse has the right to say no to sex at any time?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

red oak said:


> You stated:
> 
> I asked: How does that not negate the concept of marriage? Referring to the universal law of nature.


I guess I'm still not fallowing you. 

Are you saying that marriage is indentured sexual servitude and that people do not have a right to determine their own sexual soveirnty????


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

On a related topic do you need to get consent to avoid sex for 3-4 weeks?, because I might be in trouble.
Really this is as big of a question as getting consent for sex. 
In a long term committed relationship, there should be enough communication, openness and trust, that a general consent can be worked out.
And I have to confess that I'm not quite there right now. I haven't managed to spell out to Mrs. Nail that if she can't put down the book before she starts initiating, I'm not going to be very interested. I used to say "we aren't having enough sex and I'm not content with that". But I don't now say "we aren't having enough sex and I'm okay with that". The relationship is not as solid as it should be.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> Are you saying that you do not believe that a spouse has the right to say no to sex at any time?


No. I was commenting to @2ntnuf the only reason marriage is now considered only a "legal contract to produce children for the state" is because marriage has been redefined.

His statement is legally true. Your children literally belong to the state by virtue of that contract.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> I guess I'm still not fallowing you.
> 
> Are you saying that marriage is indentured sexual servitude and that people do not have a right to determine their own sexual soveirnty????


No. But I digress.

Thanks for asking.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I don't think that a married person has to ask for consent every time and/or daily. Instead one person initiates and if the other is not interested for whatever reason, they can say no.
> 
> On the topic of sex while someone is asleep... it's ok in some marriages and not in others. I never had a problem with it... I'm ok with sex any time. That's called communication. My husband and I knew how we each felt about this.
> 
> ...


And whether or not the couple are married is nearly irrelevant. Two people in a long-term relationship can establish whether they like sleep sex or not. For a casual encounter, I would not recommend initiating sex while the other person is sleeping.

Marriage does not imply sexual consent in any situation. Communication with your partner establishes if there is blanket consent for some types of initiation, or not.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> And whether or not the couple are married is nearly irrelevant. Two people in a long-term relationship can establish whether they like sleep sex or not. For a casual encounter, I would not recommend initiating sex while the other person is sleeping.
> 
> Marriage does not imply sexual consent in any situation. Communication with your partner establishes if there is blanket consent for some types of initiation, or not.


While that's the common sense implementation of consent, many definitions of affirmative consent very specifically point out that there is no such thing as "blanket consent".


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

MaiChi said:


> When two people get married, do their marriage vows cover all future sexual consent or is consent a daily ask?
> 
> What are the implications of not asking for consent daily. For example, Since we got married I have had sex with him in his sleep many times. Say we are sleeping in spooning position and his boner wakes me up, Many a time I have just adjusted myself and had him. Sometimes he wakes up sometimes he does not till he finishes. Is this with or without consent?
> 
> ...


As long as you're not forcing him against his will, you have his consent. If he woke up and asked you to stop or to never do that again, then you no longer have consent.

As for the "requesting consent" -- this is a personal thing. I was just talking to a friend who is dating and she was saying how she thinks guys should ask her permission before giving her a goodnight kiss. She genuinely believes that would make her feel respected and cared about. My feeling is, I really can't think of anything less sexy or romantic than a grown man *asking *if he has my consent to give me a kiss. In my experience, consent is requested and granted through body language.

As for being married -- same thing. I would be turned off if I'm spooning naked with him and he asks for consent. Now if he starts probing and I'm just wanting to sleep all I have to do is tell him that or roll away.

*But here is what I want to know*: How on earth do you adjust yourself and have him "until he finishes" without him waking up?! How deep a sleeper is your man? LOL.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> *I don't think that a married person has to ask for consent every time* and/or daily. Instead one person initiates and if the other is not interested for whatever reason, they can say no.
> 
> On the topic of sex while someone is asleep... it's ok in some marriages and not in others. I never had a problem with it... I'm ok with sex any time. That's called communication. My husband and I knew how we each felt about this.
> 
> ...





EleGirl said:


> *Are you saying that you do not believe that a spouse has the right to say no to sex* at any time?


Think about what you wrote here. If a person has a right to say no any time, which I believe is true, does that not also mean permission must be given? Therefore, consent must be given each time and there must be enthusiastic consent throughout. What will be done must be talked about beforehand and agreed upon. 

I am not saying this is ideal. The laws do not only apply to those who are not married. I know it seems contrary to the idea of marriage, the intimacy the two share and the general understanding and knowledge of a spouse. Hell, some couples could finish each others sentences. It seems very odd. However, it is true. 

The likelihood of a spouse saying, "I'm going to the police because you took me in my sleep", is very low, but when you read about how some spouses treat each other in divorce with the prodding of lawyers, family and friends, it isn't so far fetched that it is possible to find yourself on the wrong side of the law.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> And whether or not the couple are married is nearly irrelevant. Two people in a long-term relationship can establish whether they like sleep sex or not. For a casual encounter, I would not recommend initiating sex while the other person is sleeping.
> 
> Marriage does not imply sexual consent in any situation. Communication with your partner establishes if there is *blanket consent* for some types of initiation, or not.


No one knows what is on the other's mind that day and time, married or not.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

red oak said:


> True. The concept of marriage for most is more comparable to a corporate affiliation (wal mart-its supplier) as differentiated from concept of true marriage such as tree with the earth.
> 
> Corporate affiliation is severed once it becomes a point one can garner more benefits elsewhere or not getting benefits they feel they deserve.


The benefits and expectations are not well defined. Are they? The reason being, I think, is that life changes and changes in needs would make it nearly impossible to define 50 years together in one contract. 

Makes me wonder how that contract could ever in anyone's mind be legally binding long term. It really can't after the first year or two. Everyone knows the infatuation or honeymoon period of marriage ends in short order. That's what the contract was signed upon and agreed to. It's the dream the couple had together. It could even be said that the two cannot willingly and with understanding, sign and agree to a long term contract like that which cannot represent the individuals or the couple. What I am saying is, it cannot be binding, even after that short honeymoon period. Needs have changed.

Once I started thinking about it all, I got all weirded out like some of you are, not you red oak, but some of the other comments. 

Those comments are reflecting some of my general thoughts when I came to this realization about marriage, the contract, the laws, the 'leeway' given to administrators of parental obligation to determine how much is owed and to whom, and combined those with the inherent changes of folks over a lifetime. This site made me realize how folks change and that we cannot ever know what is going to happen. We can have a reasonable idea, but how many here have said something like, "I was shocked and aghast at what I found out".


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Luck bastard.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I think a lot of this consent stuff is a bit overboard. 

If someone is a minor child = not ok.

If someone is drunk as a skunk or under the influence of any other substances and not in control of their faculties = not ok.

If someone is comatose in a medical facility = not ok.

If someone is senile, mentally ill or in any other way not in control of their faculties = not ok. 

If someone says no = not ok.

If someone pushes you away and walks away from you = not ok. 

But a sane, sober, consenting adult who actively engages with you and shows no signs of resistance and who makes no verbal statements of the contrary = OK.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

What is the desired outcome of the consent decision? I mean, if it is academic, then carry on. But it seems OP like there is a point. What is the goal? Not getting in criminal trouble? Building a wonderful marriage? It matters.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

MaiChi said:


> When two people get married, do their marriage vows cover all future sexual consent or is consent a daily ask?
> 
> What are the implications of not asking for consent daily. For example, Since we got married I have had sex with him in his sleep many times. Say we are sleeping in spooning position and his boner wakes me up, Many a time I have just adjusted myself and had him. Sometimes he wakes up sometimes he does not till he finishes. Is this with or without consent?
> 
> ...


As stated earlier in the thread, for us, blanket consent was given the day she said she was mine.

For myself, I couldn't do sleep sex. I need interaction. If such is someones cup of tea it should be discussed with your spouse.

In the olden days, there were such things as verbal contracts, which, if witnessed by a 3rd party, or agreed upon with a handshake, were as stringently upheld as a written contract. If couple makes a personal contract sleep sex is okay, morality and integrity imply it should be held valid; neither party, without discussion, and agreement should withdraw this consent (modifying your contract). Doing otherwise, shows a lack of integrity, and individuality; individuality, for as an individual you and your spouse should have the right to modify to what suits your proclivities the best. 

The problem with todays consent laws is if someone feels offended, or wants to punish the other party for real or imagined offenses act like little manipulative children crying to "mommy" or "daddy" in hopes of punishing; gaining power over; the other. Many cases are a simply an extension of power struggles already in a relationship. "Daddy state", by it's rulings have quantified women as mental deficients. 

Condensed answer; You and your spouse are a unit. If something, by mutual agreement works for you, why the concern how others are living?


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

2ntnuf said:


> The benefits and expectations are not well defined. Are they? The reason being, I think, is that life changes and changes in needs would make it nearly impossible to define 50 years together in one contract.
> 
> Makes me wonder how that contract could ever in anyone's mind be legally binding long term. It really can't after the first year or two. Everyone knows the infatuation or honeymoon period of marriage ends in short order. That's what the contract was signed upon and agreed to. It's the dream the couple had together. It could even be said that the two cannot willingly and with understanding, sign and agree to a long term contract like that which cannot represent the individuals or the couple. What I am saying is, it cannot be binding, even after that short honeymoon period. Needs have changed.
> 
> ...


This is a discussion I would love. However, realizing I see things as a whole instead of stand-alone subjects I will digress here before it appears as a thread jack.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> I think a lot of this consent stuff is a bit overboard.
> 
> If someone is a minor child = not ok.
> 
> ...


Actually, no. That's illegal. There is no enthusiastic affirmative consent.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

red oak said:


> As stated earlier in the thread, for us, blanket consent was given the day she said she was mine.
> 
> For myself, I couldn't do sleep sex. I need interaction. If such is someones cup of tea it should be discussed with your spouse.
> 
> ...



The ten million dollar question. I was hoping someone would ask.

Whether I or anyone else lives that way isn't the question. The facts are the facts. Then, everyone decides from there how they want to deal with things. Some folks are less concerned about laws than others.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

WorkingWife said:


> As long as you're not forcing him against his will, you have his consent. If he woke up and asked you to stop or to never do that again, then you no longer have consent.
> 
> As for the "requesting consent" -- this is a personal thing. I was just talking to a friend who is dating and she was saying how she thinks guys should ask her permission before giving her a goodnight kiss. She genuinely believes that would make her feel respected and cared about. My feeling is, I really can't think of anything less sexy or romantic than a grown man *asking *if he has my consent to give me a kiss. In my experience, consent is requested and granted through body language.
> 
> ...


Sometimes he wakes up, sometimes he does not. Sometimes I wake up and sometimes I do not. Many time I have woke up much later to find evidence of activity. less so now after children. Before we had them I used to sleep for the whole country, and could do it in my sleep and did regularly. Now, I wake up more. I blame that on children. 

He does sleep deep.

So I suppose consent can be granted as a long term thing, in some cases and is fairly short term in others. I liked someone who said Marriage has less to do with it than type of relationship between the two, whether they are married or not. 

I smiled at the idea that true marriage is exemplified by the earth and the tree. Surely the tree forces itself onto the earth without its consent, and is so locked in it (the earth) cannot opt out. More like the government and the tax payer. You only opt out at death.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

The way I see it "assumed consent" evolves over time in any relationship.

Just as on a date, most people think it is ok to gradually increase the level of intimacy if your date responds, I think the same applies to what is assumed OK in a long term relationship. 

Always anyone can withdraw consent at any time. 

In cases of sleep or intoxication, probably should be at some level discussed beforehand. 

Otherwise I think a couple will naturally settle on what sort of actions are OK without any specific negotiation. If they know each other (and care) there should never be a case where someone is offended / shocked by the other's actions.

What constitutes this level of assumed consent will vary with the couple - which is fine.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

MaiChi said:


> I smiled at the idea that true marriage is exemplified by the earth and the tree. Surely the tree forces itself onto the earth without its consent, and is so locked in it (the earth) cannot opt out. More like the government and the tax payer. You only opt out at death.


Interesting view point. Who needs whom?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

minimalME said:


> *Speaking only for myself, marriage is consent.*


*Within reasonable bounds, I'd say!*


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Doesn't that go without saying? Do we really have to include all the ridiculous caveats to undermine the basic principle that if you get married, expect sex?




arbitrator said:


> *Within reasonable bounds, I'd say!*


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Most folks live in some fantasy world where they make their own rules and all is right with the world because they know it is, subjectively, of course. Trouble is, there is such a thing as the law. There is also the opinion of the other in this. As your needs and desires change, so do his. What once was okay, may not be today. 

I can remember being awakened by touch a few times. It's fun when you are young and randy. When you have children and things to do, money to be made, work and/or school to attend, it gets tricky. Sometimes, sleep is more important than sex on a particular night. Maybe it's the night before an exam, or a big meeting at work. It could be any reason. 

Ideally, we get what we want when we want it. Life isn't really like that, so we try to make our home life that way. Though we think our spouse is so close to us, we know what they will want, we really don't. It's pretentious thought and can be a violation of their human rights as well as assault. No, most men would be unlikely to press charges. Do you want to test that or would you rather talk about what you'd like before simply assuming things you've never discussed? 

I'm sorry I shook everyone up.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

minimalME said:


> *Doesn't that go without saying? Do we really have to include all the ridiculous caveats to undermine the basic principle that if you get married, expect sex?*


*You do have a handful of self-centered people who still believe that they don't need any permission to access that permission from a spouse.

In the marital matters of finances, sex, etc. and many other areas, they, like Nike, "just do it!"

No questions asked!*


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> I think a lot of this consent stuff is a bit overboard.
> 
> If someone is a minor child = not ok.
> 
> ...


Bolded yes. Italics no. The reason I say that is what constitutes "signs of resistance" can, apparently, be ... confusing somehow. I am not joking when I say that someone told me once that he thought I was into it because I only said no once and only kicked and pulled away a bit... Ok yah you scared the ever loving **** out of me before you raped me. And he thought it was not rape!

ETA clearly No means No. You would think everyone would get that. So ... not showing signs of resistance is, apparently, vague.

What I wonder is do people not know THEIR SPOUSE well enough to talk the THEM about it? It seems more important than a consensus on "consent in marriage". The former is about YOUR marriage, the latter is the unfortunate **** the courts have to deal with.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

I can only think of a handful of reason why a spouse should ever say no. Most involve serious illness/injury or post-birth or 'that time of the month'. I'm tired or I'm not in the mood doesn't cut it - I can get her there.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I can only think of a handful of reason why a spouse should ever say no. Most involve serious illness/injury or post-birth or 'that time of the month'. I'm tired or I'm not in the mood doesn't cut it - *I can get her there.*


What if she doesn't want to be "gotten there"?


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Vega said:


> UpsideDownWorld11 said:
> 
> 
> > I can only think of a handful of reason why a spouse should ever say no. Most involve serious illness/injury or post-birth or 'that time of the month'. I'm tired or I'm not in the mood doesn't cut it - *I can get her there.*
> ...


She wants to be got there...just maybe not with you...


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## MorningRoll (Mar 5, 2019)

I say the relationship has its own unspoken consent. My husband asks me because it’s a turn on for him to have me verbalize my desires. He never turns me down either because he likes me to take charge. 

I will say I did pout once when he was tired and wanting to sleep (we hadn’t seen each other in a couple weeks, but he’d also driven 20 hours that day.) he started to have sex with me, and then I felt dirty and wrong for pressing the issue. Not because he wasn’t willing. But because that wasn’t how I wanted our sex life to be. I wanted both of us to be able to say “not tonight” and have that be ok. 

Of course, we still have sex 3-4 times a week, so it’s not a huge thing to take a day or two off.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> She wants to be got there...just maybe not with you...


I am curious what you are trying to say here. I don't get it. Your wife does not want to "get there" with the poster? Your wife never doesn't want to get there with you? What would happen if your wife just said no. Period. ?


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> UpsideDownWorld11 said:
> 
> 
> > She wants to be got there...just maybe not with you...
> ...


I simply mean the ol' tired or not in the mood is fine...a little foreplay and she is ready to go in my personal experience. If you start foreplay and she still resists, that is usually covert for, 'Get off. I'm not attracted to you. I'm saving myself for Roberto in Operations.'


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Honestly. I am still not sure what you mean. Where your literal explation ends and your humor begins.




UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I simply mean the ol' tired or not in the mood is fine...a little foreplay and she is ready to go in my personal experience.


So your wife is always good to go.




> If you start foreplay and she still resists, that is usually covert for, 'Get off. I'm not attracted to you. I'm saving myself for Roberto in Operations.'


But when your wife resists your foreplay, she wants someone else? Are you saying this is your personal experience? Or is there some other like women are never really actually tired, and if they resist, they are full of ****?

Thanks


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> The important thing is that each person has the right to say no. And the other does not have the right to force sex on the other at anytime.


This right here. I would consider sexual consent as default in a committed relationship (unless for whatever crazy reason it is conveyed otherwise). Forcing sex is never acceptable. If one person is constantly rejecting or saying no, then safe to say that relationship should probably be terminated.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> But when your wife resists your foreplay, she wants someone else? Are you saying this is your personal experience? Or is there some other like women are never really actually tired, and if they resist, they are full of ****?
> 
> Thanks


Well. I guess it depends on whether its a rare occurrence or repetitive. If it keeps happening, and she just won't allow it to happen, shes just not into you. At all. Then you can go jerk off and call a lawyer in the morning. Or if you are a 5 and she is a 7, get a gym membership.

But if thats not the case, it just means you need to get me in the mood... Then its just about pushing her buttons.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Well. I guess it depends on whether its a rare occurrence or repetitive. If it keeps happening, and she just won't allow it to happen, shes just not into you. At all. Then you can go jerk off and call a lawyer in the morning. Or if you are a 5 and she is a 7, get a gym membership.
> 
> But if thats not the case, it just means you need to get me in the mood... Then its just about pushing her buttons.


I guess I am asking if you feel that this is your wife or universal?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Well. I guess it depends on whether its a rare occurrence or repetitive. If it keeps happening, and she just won't allow it to happen, shes just not into you. At all. Then you can go jerk off and call a lawyer in the morning. Or if you are a 5 and she is a 7, get a gym membership.
> 
> But if thats not the case, it just means you need to get me in the mood... Then its just about pushing her buttons.


I guess I am asking if you feel that this is your wife or universal? Like what is the scope of what you are saying? I'm cogitatin' over here.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> UpsideDownWorld11 said:
> 
> 
> > Well. I guess it depends on whether its a rare occurrence or repetitive. If it keeps happening, and she just won't allow it to happen, shes just not into you. At all. Then you can go jerk off and call a lawyer in the morning. Or if you are a 5 and she is a 7, get a gym membership.
> ...


That is just my thoughts from previous and current relationships. 

But keeping with the current thread. I can tell the difference between a hard no and a maybe no. What I mean is sexual drive btw both spouses may not always align but a great deal of unselfishness on each others part can go a long way. And usually both go away happy in the end anyways.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> NobodySpecial said:
> 
> 
> > UpsideDownWorld11 said:
> ...


Exactly. Sometimes a spouse needs warming up, maybe even coaxing. That is NOT rape.

Not everything is a Metoo ad lol


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> Exactly. Sometimes a spouse needs warming up, maybe even coaxing. That is NOT rape.
> 
> Not everything is a Metoo ad lol


NOBODY is saying it is rape. No one is saying anything of the sort. One person, ME, was asking if he feels this is a unique thing to his wife, the whole warming up thing and how it is always the case that she wants to get there or if it is universal thing. He answered. No blood, no foul. But NO ONE implied or stated that they thought that was rape.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> What is the desired outcome of the consent decision? I mean, if it is academic, then carry on. But it seems OP like there is a point. What is the goal? Not getting in criminal trouble? Building a wonderful marriage? It matters.


I may be wrong but I have heard that constantly asking for or confirming consent shows that you do not take each other for granted and you have mutual respects which is renewed regularly. 

Personally, I would be put off by asking or being asked for consent even as few times as twice a year. I like the idea of sex on demand from either of us. I also like the idea of being confident that if I want it I will get it and the same to him. 

I think certain ideas are just fads which will come and go when people see that they serve no positive purpose. 

That is not to say force can be applied, but if I woke up to find his inside me, I would not think it a bad thing in any way shape or form, not least because he did not wake me to ask? I would feel foolish thinking like that.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I can only think of a handful of reason why a spouse should ever say no. Most involve serious illness/injury or post-birth or 'that time of the month'. I'm tired or I'm not in the mood doesn't cut it - I can get her there.


There are times when a hugely meaningful cuddle is just a nice thing to have without necessarily having sex. 
Then there are times when just having him inside as part of an embrace is nice without necessarily going for a finish. Difficult to do but I regularly ask for "DON'T MOVE" just so I can have time of closeness, maybe before moving. 

Tiredness is real. You must list it as one reason. 
I used to be told "we can have sex if you can get it up, or you can wake me up early morning. I am really tired" He is not saying No, but he is not in a fit state either.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think "consent" covers a wider range of actions than just intercourse, and 'assume consent' in relationships needs to take that into account. 

If I walk up behind my wife, put my arms around her, hug her tight and kiss her on the neck, it is a romantic gesture that she enjoys. If I were to do the same thing to a random women it would be assault. In my wife's and my relationship we have worked out that she in general consents to this. 

OTOH, if I were suddenly pull her pants down and attempt to have sex, she would not think it is OK. In OTHER relationships, that might be completely fine if that is what has been worked out.

Its not even a simple hierarchy of actions, different couples may find different things OK without asking: a playful slap, waking someone with sex, sex when intoxicated, grabbing someone in the shower, etc. 

I think most couples work this out with minimal explicit discussion.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

MaiChi said:


> When two people get married, do their marriage vows cover all future sexual consent or is consent a daily ask?
> 
> What are the implications of not asking for consent daily. For example, Since we got married I have had sex with him in his sleep many times. Say we are sleeping in spooning position and his boner wakes me up, Many a time I have just adjusted myself and had him. Sometimes he wakes up sometimes he does not till he finishes. Is this with or without consent?
> 
> ...


This is the most adorable OP in a long time, please make a dozen babies with this man.

As for consent, it was granted when you both said “I do”


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

OnTheFly said:


> This is the most adorable OP in a long time, please make a dozen babies with this man.
> 
> As for consent, it was granted when you both said “I do”


LOL. 
Two is enough 
A dozen is when a small shop counts loaves of bread. Parents counting children should end at two.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

MaiChi said:


> OnTheFly said:
> 
> 
> > This is the most adorable OP in a long time, please make a dozen babies with this man.
> ...


Actually, it ends when the couple decides.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

For my wife, consent to kiss, hug, touch is always yes. But sex, no, consent is always clear and needed each time. 

My wife laid that rule down years ago that is she is not a receptacle for sex to be used anytime I wanted it.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

Double post, sorry.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

woodyh said:


> For my wife, consent to kiss, hug, touch is always yes. But sex, no, consent is always clear and needed each time.
> 
> My wife laid that rule down years ago that is she is not a receptacle for sex to be used anytime I wanted it.


Well, did you talk about sex with her before you married her?
Years ago?? WTF?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

That is pretty much my situation - though never explicitly discussed.



woodyh said:


> For my wife, consent to kiss, hug, touch is always yes. But sex, no, consent is always clear and needed each time.
> 
> My wife laid that rule down years ago that is she is not a receptacle for sex to be used anytime I wanted it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

woodyh said:


> For my wife, consent to kiss, hug, touch is always yes. But sex, no, consent is always clear and needed each time.
> 
> My wife laid that rule down years ago that is she is not a receptacle for sex to be used anytime I wanted it.


Whereas I would never use the word, ever, or think it "receptacle" for sex, Dear W and I are just the opposite. 

Dear W is there for sex any time I want to, and I'm there for her pleasure anytime she wants.

Many times I've been home less than 5 minutes and someone has their dress pulled up or pants down.

I don't know how I'd react if ever told "I'm not here just for you". 
She da$mn well knows she is. 

If she's not there because I wanted her to be there than why did I invite her into my life?

If I didn't want her there, she wouldn't be. How else can it work?

See the logic there? How do you yourself approach having someone in your life?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

The problem with this question is the answer changes.

Depending on her mood, when she is asleep ....

I could start having sex with her and she would love it. (10% of the time)

or

I could start having sex with her and it could result in a two week fight. (90% of the time)


I am a gambler though, so sometimes we have two week fights!


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

StillSearching said:


> Well, did you talk about sex with her before you married her?
> Years ago?? WTF?


Are there couples who marry before discussing what their sexual needs might be? I do not understand your question? Surely everyone discusses most home making subjects before getting married so we all have an idea what we are getting into. Would anyone marry someone without knowing what their views are on all marital issues
work and income
Bank accounts
Budgeting in the home
Savings
Sexual expectation 
Number of children
Pets in the home
Relationships with our parents
Phone management
House work
Education
Religious matters 
Contraception
Types of food in the home
Type of friends
Hobbies
Time budgets
etc. 
Would anyone marry anyone without knowing what their views are on these basic ideas? If so, how would they know the other person was worth marrying r even loving? 


Reading everyone's submissions it seems the expectation is that we consent to our husbands' whims. Is is not the case that consent is in both directions and equally so?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

MaiChi said:


> Are there couples who marry before discussing what their sexual needs might be? I do not understand your question? Surely everyone discusses most home making subjects before getting married so we all have an idea what we are getting into. Would anyone marry someone without knowing what their views are on all marital issues
> work and income
> Bank accounts
> Budgeting in the home
> ...


Many of us were brought up to believe that, if you truly love each other, everything else will take care of itself. 

Even more were told its important to come to an agreement on practical things like how to handle money or if/when/how many kids you want, but discussing sexual expectations was not addressed. Now that actually makes sense if you start with the premise that you aren't to actually have sex before you get married; after all, how do you know what you want if you've never even done it?

Talk about putting unrealistic expectations in young minds and setting them up for failure! Your lust is much better, including the sex part.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Many of us were brought up to believe that, if you truly love each other, everything else will take care of itself.
> 
> Even more were told its important to come to an agreement on practical things like how to handle money or if/when/how many kids you want, but discussing sexual expectations was not addressed. Now that actually makes sense if you start with the premise that you aren't to actually have sex before you get married; after all, how do you know what you want if you've never even done it?
> 
> Talk about putting unrealistic expectations in young minds and setting them up for failure! Your lust is much better, including the sex part.


We were 27 and 25 when we got married. We had been together from when i was 15 so upward of ten years and when we started marriage counselling we had not had any sex other than kissing, cuddling and hugging and kissing, cuddling and hugging. The pastor and his wife brought in the subject of sex, reasons for sex, its role in marriage, frequency, differences in any two people, problems sex causes in many marriages, how to recognise when a problem is from sex, how not to base sex on what friends say they are doing. 

Like all other matters the issue was discussed as far as it could be discussed and as far as it could be understood without the actual sex. Then 8 months before we were married we did it. That is another story. 

So what do others do? How can what you do not know about each other take care of itself? Surely if you find some huge disparities after marrying someone, your options are limited. Best finding out before. 

What would the love be based on if there is ignorance between the two about views on matters?


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## Dave25 (May 24, 2019)

MaiChi said:


> When two people get married, do their marriage vows cover all future sexual consent or is consent a daily ask?
> 
> What are the implications of not asking for consent daily. For example, Since we got married I have had sex with him in his sleep many times. Say we are sleeping in spooning position and his boner wakes me up, Many a time I have just adjusted myself and had him. Sometimes he wakes up sometimes he does not till he finishes. Is this with or without consent?
> 
> ...


We share intimacy freely in our marriage and share our bodies without refusal. Consent was given on our wedding day. It does not need to be repeated. Naturally we are considerate if there is something that makes it very difficult, like illness or injury. We love and trust each other and have great happiness this way. That said, doing anything when the other is sleeping is very rare.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Consent is assumed, unless it is withdrawn for a a specific time or reason. Of course, we are also considerate of each other's situation, health, etc., at all times, and probably err on the side of being too considerate.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Consent is a daily ask?

Depends on her mood!


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

I'm not sure if I understand this thread correctly....but there is _consent_ on one side and the fact of having _sex daily_ or not, on the other. 2 different things, IMO.

As for consent, I wouldn't be okay with my partner taking advantage of my sleepy state and doing things to me when I'm not fully conscious. It'd be disrespectful, inconsiderate and VERY selfish of him. Not to add that I would feel used.

As for daily sex, I'm afraid it'd turn into a task rather than pleasure. I wouldn't want it daily but once in 2 or 3 days would be okay. Knowing that there's gotta be daily sex, makes it sounds like a chore or something to do. It doesn't even give me the chance to want more or miss some.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

All I know that if I was a man who was married to one of those women who made some big feminist drama out of consenting every Tom, I would be a very sad man


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

WorkingWife said:


> As she was saying how she thinks guys should ask her permission before giving her a goodnight kiss. She genuinely believes that would make her feel respected and cared about.


IMO, that is too much!!! 

I'm okay with giving consent in some "extreme" situations like sleep-sex...but for a guy to ask you if he can kiss you... is just plain ridiculous and INSECURE of him! 

I once had a guy ask me "can I kiss you?" after we had been on 3 dates... and I found it to be very insecure of him. As if he was "afraid" to make that "step". 
I would expect him to simply kiss me.

Sometimes, there's no need for words. And believe it or not, after that question...I felt like "eww...why he's asking.." and I said "erm...nah. I don't feel like kissin' now.." .... because I didn't feel it after that stupid question at that moment. 

As for sex in marriage, I believe there's no need for all-time-consent but being flirtatious all day with your partner is CRUCIAL to have a smooth "transition" from the living to the bedroom.

Sent from my SM-N960F using Tapatalk


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Consent is always with one hard, the other open to hard.




Lilith-


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> All I know that if I was a man who was married to one of those women who made some big feminist drama out of consenting every Tom, I would be a very sad man


Aye!

A man needs to work hard for his supper, hopefully, he need not work hard for his lust, for this too, he must suffer.

When work is not hard it is pleasure, when pleasure is hard, it is work and it pleases not.


The Typist I-


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Seeking explicit verbal consent for each instance of sexual activity from a spouse, can sometimes be a good idea.

Through more than twenty years I have found that I can **** my wife in her arse. Several times through every week, throughout each year, through decades. All without her wanting me to ask her, for permission or checking if it's okay.

Yet some spouses would certainly not be okay with any of that being done, without having explicit consent to do so.

On the other hand, my wife has her limits. So on the occasions when I want to pee in her mouth, as part of our sex play. I will either ask if it is okay before hand, to seek her consent. Or I will tell her what I am going to do and then tell her to open her mouth. In the first instance she will express consent or otherwise, by saying yes/okay or no/not now. While in the second instance she will express consent or otherwise, by opening her mouth to take it or she will say no/not now.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to what works in each spousal relationship, rather than it being a blanket thing that works with all spouses.

As to consent for sleep sex, my wife tends to err on the side of preferring sleep without sex.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think that there is a lot of important non-verbal communication in these situations. 

I have some sympathy for a guy who asks before kissing a woman because some women think that early in a relationship verbal consent is required. It can leave men in a very tricky situation. As time goes on, it (should) become clear to everyone what sort of things require asking in what circumstances. 



lovelygirl said:


> IMO, that is too much!!!
> 
> I'm okay with giving consent in some "extreme" situations like sleep-sex...but for a guy to ask you if he can kiss you... is just plain ridiculous and INSECURE of him!
> 
> ...


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Personal said:


> So on the occasions when I want to pee in her mouth, as part of our sex play. I will either ask if it is okay before hand, to seek her consent.


Wait....you literally pee in her mouth? 




Sent from my SM-N960F using Tapatalk


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

lovelygirl said:


> I once had a guy ask me "can I kiss you?" after we had been on 3 dates... and I found it to be very insecure of him. As if he was "afraid" to make that "step".
> I would expect him to simply kiss me.
> 
> God, men just can't win. In this day and age of consent, consent, consent I'd be afraid as a guy to just lay one on a woman. But, there are better ways to obtain that consent. The guy I"m dating now waited a few dates, then finally said "God I want to kiss you...is that okay?" in just the right tone. But, if he hadn't asked I would have been okay with it...I like spontaneity quite a bit but I understand why he'd want to be sure it was okay with me before he attempted it. Another woman might get very upset at a guy who just kissed her without asking first. Men are damned if they do and damned if they don't.
> ...


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

lovelygirl said:


> Wait....you literally pee in her mouth?


Sometimes, after drinking a considerable amount of water beforehand.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

notmyjamie said:


> God, men just can't win. In this day and age of consent, consent, consent I'd be afraid as a guy to just lay one on a woman. But, there are better ways to obtain that consent. *The guy I"m dating now waited a few dates, then finally said "God I want to kiss you...is that okay?" in just the right tone. *But, if he hadn't asked I would have been okay with it...I like spontaneity quite a bit but I understand why he'd want to be sure it was okay with me before he attempted it. Another woman might get very upset at a guy who just kissed her without asking first. Men are damned if they do and damned if they don't.


That's true. Sometimes, the right tone (a confident one) would win even if he was asking for a semi-consent. For example, "_God I want to kiss you..._" and lean on to kiss me would be okay ... without necessarily asking "is that okay?"

So it's like he's asking for a consent...but at the same time he's acting. That'd be good as well.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Personal said:


> Sometimes, after drinking a considerable amount of water beforehand.


:scratchhead:

I still want to think you're being ironic and somewhat joking.


I don't know why I'm hoping for that!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lovelygirl said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> I still want to think you're being ironic and somewhat joking.
> 
> ...


Gargle gack!?:surprise:

I can't mentally unsee this.....:|


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

MaiChi said:


> When two people get married, do their marriage vows cover all future sexual consent or is consent a daily ask?
> 
> What are the implications of not asking for consent daily. For example, Since we got married I have had sex with him in his sleep many times. Say we are sleeping in spooning position and his boner wakes me up, Many a time I have just adjusted myself and had him. Sometimes he wakes up sometimes he does not till he finishes. Is this with or without consent?
> 
> ...


I don't know. What I do know though is, my wife can have me when she wants, wherever she wants and however she wants. But that's just me. If your husband is like me, no problem whatsoever.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@lovelygirl although I do like to stir. I really do that to her.

That said if it helps, she doesn't swallow it and as a consequence of my drinking lots of water for it, she claims it is completely tasteless as it is clear.

Likewise my wife isn't the only sexual partner that I've had, who has been up for that kind of thing.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Personal said:


> @lovelygirl although I do like to stir. I really do that to her.
> 
> That said if it helps, she doesn't swallow it and as a consequence of my drinking lots of water for it, she claims it is completely tasteless as it is clear.


Fun fact: uroscopy is the practice of tasting urine for medical diagnosis. It was practiced many years ago by doctors to help diagnose "the sugar" among a few other diagnosis. It's harmless to drink urine. I'm still glad I can use the urinalysis sticks at my job though. 

So, the take away is that if you end up with diabetes she'll know right away. LOL


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I have a relative who is really big on this consent thing. 

She believes that you should ask a two year old if it is alright to pick them up. 

When my nieces and nephews were young, I was the fun uncle who would pick them up and toss them in the air. I was at a family gathering a bit ago and was having fun with one of my little relatives (two or three years old). We were kidding each other back and forth. At one point, I picked him up and spun him around and he laughed. I was later chastised by the mother that I shouldn't have just picked him up. That she is teaching him that he has control of his body and others are not allowed to touch him without his consent. I think it is sad. 

The child must not be learning too well, as a few minutes later he came running up to me and gave me a poke to get me to play with him more (without asking me for my consent).


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Legally, technically, perhaps? Marital rape is a thing. But come on. If I wake up and my wife is riding my morning wood, that’s not inappropriate.

A lot of these ridiculous consent laws are there to be selectively used against men. Foe example, two college students hook up. Rape is hard to prove. So, they say if you didn’t ask at every step it was sexual assault, with the hope/expectation that these laws will only be used against men and never women.

Two drunk people have voluntary, unforced sex? She couldn’t consent so he raped her. They hope no man will claim that she raped him.

These laws largely involve “hookup culture” “campus rape.” They like to portray it as a gender issue, and like to pick examples like a white college football player raping a white girl. Even better, the Duke Lacrosse case - a black girl claiming that white athletes raped her. 

For some reason, this is the only area where the racially-obsessed colleges refuse to track race. We know that college girls are overwhelmingly white and that 50% of college athletes are minority.

The reality: white college “feminists” are having sex with black athletes, then claiming rape, and using their position of power and privilege on campus to deny poor minority athletes their rights to die process.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

An interesting thing about consent: I have permission/consent to start intercourse with my wife whenever I am ready for it.

I do not have consent to be myself with flirting or innuendo or letting my hands wonder a little during a hug. About 13 years into my marriage I told her that I just wanted to be me. We are still working on that.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

When hugging your W or hugging in general?

Likely two different answers here 😁😁


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> When hugging your W or hugging in general?
> 
> Likely two different answers here 😁😁


Yes to different answers. I was referring to hugging my wife.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

leftfield said:


> Yes to different answers. I was referring to hugging my wife.


I figured so.

Just checking 😂😂😂

PS though, at least for DW and I she likes it when my hands roam during hugs or walk-by butt grabs.

I understand all aren't that way and that's surely normal too, however that's always been our pattern even when tastefully done in public.

Even when dating these 100 years ago. I'd grab her out at dance clubs and bars, less tastefully, but we were just that way.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MaiChi said:


> When two people get married, do their marriage vows cover all future sexual consent or is consent a daily ask?
> 
> What are the implications of not asking for consent daily. For example, Since we got married I have had sex with him in his sleep many times. Say we are sleeping in spooning position and his boner wakes me up, Many a time I have just adjusted myself and had him. Sometimes he wakes up sometimes he does not till he finishes. Is this with or without consent?
> 
> ...



My W will rub my privates when I'm asleep. It makes her relax. It gets me going. If she wants to jump it she can have at it. And she has. No consent necessary.


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