# hello all. I'm an abuser looking for help.



## leora0732 (Nov 13, 2015)

I grew up in an abusive home so im used to screaming & yelling. It got violent often between mom & dad. My 1st bf abused me. Then i had a good guy. Then a real bad guy who beat me bad. Now im 40 yrs old with 2 kids , 8 & 2 1/2. And I've been arrested twice for domestic violence against my daughters father. I dont know y now im the abuser. I was never one to make the first punch in any situation. Never. But now I beat on him like a monster. He is at the end of his rope says its over & wants me to move. I looked for places with my mom but whole reality is we cant afford the rent +security deposit. So now I feel like a burden stl being in his home. Idk what to do and im looking for help for myself even tho he says it doesnt matter its over. I cant do that. I cant break up my family. Cant let that happen.
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_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Regardless of whether break up or not, you need to get help. You abuse your husband because that's the behavior you learned. In your home, people were either abusers or abused. You current husband is not an abuser... so clearly you had to become the abuser. We create that situations that we are comfortable with. You are comfortable in the abuser/abused type of relationship.

In our previous relationship, where you were abused, did you usually argue and fight back?

My suggestion is that you find a counselor that helps abusers and get help. There are many organizations that give support for victims of abuse that also provide counseling, anger management classes and other help for the abuser.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

It's not in your control. If you are planning on getting help, awesome, but you have to do it on your own and out of the home now.
Do you have a job? You are planning on living with your Mother? Where does she live now? Even if you have to start from her couch and work your way from there it will go a long way to showing you understand the seriousness of what your actions have done.

Get yourself into therapy, you will need a job good enough to support yourself and pay child support so get on looking for one every single day. 

You have to show with actions. Nothing an abuser says can be trusted if there are no actions to back it up.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Abusers require intensive therapy in order to change, and it is generally accepted that in order for it to work they have to leave the abusive relationship. 

Contact your local women's centre and ask them if they can point you in the direction of someone who treats abusers.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Back in the day I had to use the yellow pages, but now you can go on line and get into a anger management program. Most of them are for court but don't worry. Even if you are the only one who isn't there cuz the court made you it's still worth getting into a program.

The one I found saved my life!

I'll never forget when the group counselor asked who was there cuz the court made them go....I was the only guy that didn't raise his hand.

You can change the person you never wanted to be. Don't worry about the other crap going on in your life....take care of this shyt now and the rest will fall into place.

What sucks is it will cost you, but at the end of the day it's going to cost you one way or another.....just start doing your research. 
Since I was the only one not court ordered they let me slide on my bill as long as I made up for it on the next group. All the other guys were phucked and ended up in jail if they didn't have the cash on the night of the group.

My point is get into program, close to home, and work the program. Again the rest of the shyt you are dealing with will fall into place.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

BTW....finding a program were all the folks go to meet the courts anger management requirerments will be way cheaper. It will be a group, but from my experience....group was the way to go, plus you got to see how phucked up other people are.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

leora0732 said:


> I grew up in an abusive home so im used to screaming & yelling. It got violent often between mom & dad. My 1st bf abused me. Then i had a good guy. Then a real bad guy who beat me bad. Now im 40 yrs old with 2 kids , 8 & 2 1/2. And I've been arrested twice for domestic violence against my daughters father. I dont know y now im the abuser. I was never one to make the first punch in any situation. Never. But now I beat on him like a monster. He is at the end of his rope says its over & wants me to move. I looked for places with my mom but whole reality is we cant afford the rent +security deposit. So now I feel like a burden stl being in his home. Idk what to do and im looking for help for myself even tho he says it doesnt matter its over. I cant do that. I cant break up my family. Cant let that happen.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Go to real counselling before you go to real jail.


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## simpliezel (Nov 17, 2015)

It's never too late for you to change the way things are. Go to counseling. They will be able to help you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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