# Anxiety, Depression, Talking to Son, need help



## GodlyMan (Apr 26, 2012)

Hello,
I have been on here for sometime, I fought as hard as i could for my marriage, unfortunately, my wife gave up and the D was final in April after being apart for 16 months.
If you followed any of my threads, there were times she wanted to reconcile, then pulled back. Emotional roller coaster. That is how everyone puts it. Someone said it was like being told you had cancer, then you were cured, then you had it again. Very painful. She lives with her parents with a mother that is very controlling. When they are gone, she is a different person.
Anyhow, i spend alot of time with our son whom is 3. I have never missed a day, i see him every wednesday, sunday and every other weekend. 4 weeks during the summer.
These times have become very difficult. Of course taking him places that will entertain him, i see other families that are in tact. This brings up alot of emotions that i never had before. Feelings that i stuffed away when my parents split. Very sad and depressing emotions.
When i drop him off i get very depressed, missing the routine that we have each morning and each evening. Causes me to cry.
My x wife has shared that she is still very sad. 43 Living with her parents, two failed marriages, two children from two fathers.
I do still love her, there was no infidelity, no drugs, alcohol, nothing like that. Just not meeting each others emotional needs. I really wish i knew then what i know now.
At times i feel like walking away from being a father. The pain would subside so much quicker. Maybe thats why my father did it.
But i pain even more for how my son would feel.
This is by far the most painful experience in my life. we are both mid 40's. Maybe it would be easier if there was infidelity or something else....
I call my son each night via video phone, sometimes she answers, sometimes she doesnt. Of course it breaks my heart when i dont get to talk to him. We live only 5 minutes apart, were married for 10 years.......
I just want this pain to go away....

I have another issue i am struggling with and i do not know what to do about it.

My Stepson and I spent time together, he used my ipad to logon to facebook. I normally use the ap and not the web.

Anyhow he left it logged in and i came across it.

Looking through his messages, there were some disturbing converstations between him and other kids at this military school he has been sent off to.

He is always getting bullied while he is up there and people are calling him gay. There was a conversation where it looked like someone was posing as someone else, acting gay and trying to get him to meet him in a bathroom. There was also another conversation where he was apologizing for having a conversation about trying to figure out if he was gay like everyone says.

This is very disturbing to me and i do not know what to do, or if i should do anything about it. My guess is my ex wife would take it in a negative way. I dont know. I love and care about my stepson so much and this is just crazy that he is being put through this at his age. He is only 15.

I am on AD and xanax for anxiety. I hate having to take this stuff. I do see a psychiatrist. 

I just so wish everyone in the world was happy and could live to gether in harmony....


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