# divorce decree



## enorevlap (May 14, 2012)

I was curious what can and cannot be included in a divorce decree (or whatever the proper legal term is called).

Specifically about custody & allowing involvement/exposure of the OM with my children.

I am going to press for sole custody, but in KS (where it will be filed) is a no-fault state with no issue with A when it comes to determining things.

I am already struggling with how the US courts can effect my situation *since I nor my children no longer reside in the US because we moved as a family here in 2010 and she left us*, when it comes to custody rights, however I do know I do not want the OM 100 miles close to my children.

But what can I *legally* expect when I file? Yes, I am filing for my W (long story, another thread) so we can get things taken care of quicker, if she does it the process will take 1+ years, but if she fights me on sole custody, I will give her 3-5 years of fighting over here where I am at.

Anyway, anyone have any idea on what can be included and not included? what I can and cannot enforce *legally*? 

She is paying 100% of the legal fees because it's her decision to D and I don't earn US dollars to be able to spend in a US court. 
(again, long story)

Thanks in advance!!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Check your state for previous rulings on how an affair partner or opposite sex is named in the decree. 

Maybe your current country has better divorce laws regarding adultery?


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

The sad fact is that here in the US adultery is not frowned upon by the court system. You live in a no-fault state. You can try to have a morality clause inserted into the agreement which prevents overnight guests by non-family opposite sex personnel and a clause which prevents public displays of affection between her an OM in your child's presence. Enforcing these is very difficult and time consuming. We here in the US are about MAXIMUM personal freedom but like everything else that is good, there is a dark side too. You won't be able to stop OM from being around your kids.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I agree with MiVA -- this is not something you can impose on her. Sorry.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You most likely will not be able to get full custody unless you can prove your STBXW is unfit by abusing street drugs or abuse, which is very hard to prove.

It is absolutely awful to take a child away from their parent if abuse is not present. Why on earth are you considering this?

I was not able to fully keep my daughter from my abusive ex husband who clearly does illegal drugs. He still had a right to see his daughter, yes, he verbally abused her too. I could not prove this to the courts once visitation was set into place.

You are also responsible for your own lawyer. She is not obligated to pay your way. I left my abusive cheating husband, he paid his share of the lawyer fees.

Sometimes it gets very costly. I believe my BIL paid 80,000 or more for lawyer fees. He had 2 lawyers and the courts still ruled in their mothers favor. He pays her 2500 a month for 15 years in alimony unless she gets married. She was the one who had an affair. Plus, he had to give her 400,000 cash for her share of the house and other things. His children chose to live with their father since they were teens. I know your angry, but it costs a lot of money for divorce even of you agree on everything. My BIL paid on the higher end of the divorce proceedings and it took a full 2 years to sort it out. He's appealing the alimony for a shorter amount of time. Clearly the judge was not on his side and he is a really good man.

Regardless how this turns out, you can't keep the kids from her and it's going to be very costly on both ends. You can not make her pay your lawyer. That is just silly. 

Taking your kids from their mother because your angry she left is inhumane unless there is solid proof she is an unfit mother.

You need to call a lawyer if you want legal advice. It differs state to state. Where I live, the judge favors care for the mother. Some states will have 50/50 custody. Its very rare for the man to get full custody. I was able to prove my ex was unfit, I could not deny his rights to see my child. Eventually he stopped all contact with my child. 

Another thing, you will not be able to legally take the kids out of state or country without her consent. This is the law in our state. Even though I have full custody, I had to get permission to take her to Disney World for a vacation while he was still active in his visitation.

My ex was unhappy I left also, but he was unfaithful, controlling and abusive. No matter what her reason is, she has the right to a divorce.

I remarried and current husband was also previously married.

Good luck and for the sake of the kids, I hope you and your wife are fair in the divorce.


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## enorevlap (May 14, 2012)

woooh IILWMH, giving me sole custody does not mean I am preventing my wife from seeing my children, I don't know how I implied it that you interpreted it that way, but that isn't what I was saying. I of course want her to see the children. okay?

My point is, we're 5,000 miles away and visitation rights will be difficult to exercise in any good condition, and sole custody is based on the fact that I have to make the legal decisions for my children and she is incapable of doing so because of that distance.

Instead of passing judgement on me, take it for what my post intended to do, understand my options.

Thanks







I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> You most likely will not be able to get full custody unless you can prove your STBXW is unfit by abusing street drugs or abuse, which is very hard to prove.
> 
> It is absolutely awful to take a child away from their parent if abuse is not present. Why on earth are you considering this?
> 
> ...


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## enorevlap (May 14, 2012)

Thanks, I appreciate the info. 

I figured this to be the case, but I just had to understand what was going to be ahead of me and what my options were in relation to US law. I am an American citizen, she is not, and I can appreciate everyone has their own individual rights, and expect it - my challenge has always been to clear through my personal feelings about everything and make sure what is right for my children.

Thanks I appreciate it.




Married in VA said:


> The sad fact is that here in the US adultery is not frowned upon by the court system. You live in a no-fault state. You can try to have a morality clause inserted into the agreement which prevents overnight guests by non-family opposite sex personnel and a clause which prevents public displays of affection between her an OM in your child's presence. Enforcing these is very difficult and time consuming. We here in the US are about MAXIMUM personal freedom but like everything else that is good, there is a dark side too. You won't be able to stop OM from being around your kids.


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