# Help please I read my wife's diary



## nztom

It was a complete accident. I opened one of her drawers yesterday and it was there. I opened it just to see what it was. Obviously it had stuff in it that was such that I found this website - the first page I opened it at (in the middle) said "is it too late to love again?"

I know I was wrong so I don't really need a telling off, please. 

The diary basically said that she was about to leave. This was a shock because I thought we were very happy, better even. Everything just seems so perfect. Everything. 

I felt I had no choice so confronted her about it. 

An underlying theme is that I make mountains out of molehills. 

But she said that it was all old stuff and didn't mean anything now (even though some posts were from events in the past few months). She then sternly told me "YOU need to forget about it. I love you and YOU KNOW IT", etc. 

The problem is, I don't know it. One of the pages said something like "He asked so I told him I love him. What else can I say." So in my negativity I am stuck on thoughts like, maybe she just wrote another page saying that she again had to lie to me.

Has anyone ever been in this situation? Seeing something you really weren't meant to see? Wishing you hadn't opened Pandora's Box? I really want to wake up from this nightmare. I really want to forget it but I don't see how that is possible at the moment.


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## marina72

Well, you're right, in that it is a pandora's box. And I'm not going to rip on your faux pau in reading her private diary, it's obvious you knew it was wrong. It hurt you to see some of the things she wrote maybe, and so you can't let them go. Who could? 

But here is the thing. Even though you've now got doubts and insecurity, because you saw something you wished you had not, the bottom line is, she says she loves you. I know that it's very hard at times, but since no one, on Earth, can know what is in the other person's mind, all we ever base anything on is faith, and trust. All you can do is believe her, trust her, when she says she loves you, until she actually shows you a reason to think otherwise. 

Don't worry about what she wrote, people write all kinds of things down, in private diaries or journals, that are merely venting, imagining, role playing... all kinds of things that although might seem hurtful if the other partner sees them, are not meant as anything but venting , either anger, sadness or just frustration, and lots of times happiness too. 

I remember writing in my journal , some really harsh things about my hubby, during times when I'm really upset with him.... but that doesn't mean I dont' love him. And truly, since you're reading her private words, and didn't know what thought process she was using when she actually wrote that stuff, you have no idea what she might have truly meant by them. I know, I don't know everything you read, but from what you are telling us, it's something that might be construed in a different light, if you're not aware of the context of what she was thinking, or feeling at the time.

I would try hard to forget it. Trust that her love for you is real, unless you see something to make you think, or feel otherwise. Actions really do speak louder than words.


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## bhappy3

I'm going to be honest here, and it might not be what you want to hear, nor may it actually be what's going on with your situation, so take it for what it's worth, this is how I interpret it. 

I keep a journal on my computer. When I feel "full", I spew into it and I feel all better when I'm done because I feel like I "got it out of my system." 

I've been keeping this journal for many many years. Every now and then I'll print it out. And I do keep it. This came in handy when I had to prove to my H that the issues we're currently going through have evolved through the years. I went back and highlighted the specifics. They didn't just come from nowhere one day. 

Now this is what you might not like to hear. What I wrote/write in my journal IS what I was/am feeling. And like I said, these issues we have now are able to be traced back to when they originated and how they have evolved and grown through the years. Personally, I never wrote anything that I wasn't actually feeling. They were like seeds that were planted and you could see through the years how they were watered, cared for, and nurtured, to blossom to what they are now... big, evil, destructive monsters.

I have left my journal open on the computer for H to read for him to try to get a better understanding. He's so encased in himself that he just blows off what I wrote and now has no idea where I'm coming from when I say I don't give a hoot. So that's the difference between you and my H. You take an interest in your wife, and mine takes an interest in himself. 

It doesn't get any plainer and simpler than what I wrote. If H can't see from what I wrote what's going on, then I can't help him. It's all written out in plain english for him to read and he still views it as foreign. You read the words for yourself. It's a good thing that you have that interest in your wife and what she's going through. That's a plus, even if what you did was wrong. My H wouldn't snoop in my diary even if he did find it simply because I told him not to. 

Either way, it's a double edged sword. At least now you're akin to what's going on and can work on it?


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## marina72

"I remember writing in my journal , some really harsh things about my hubby, during times when I'm really upset with him.... but that doesn't mean I dont' love him. And truly, since you're reading her private words, and didn't know what thought process she was using when she actually wrote that stuff, you have no idea what she might have truly meant by them."

I never said the words weren't meant at the time, I simply said that people vent, and it doesn't mean that there is no love there... Fact is though, all human beings say things they don't mean, whether it's writing it down, or saying it out loud. This woman is telling him to disregard it, she is saying to disregard it, those are her words to him, she is saying she loves him... so, I would assume she does, unless she tells him face to face, or shows him with actions that she does not. I was simply telling him it would do no good to second guess when someone tells you they love you. Unless she's showing through her actions that she does not love him,,, what really matters is what she says, and shows... not something she wrote in a journal way back.


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## Amplexor

Remember, in the fable of Pandora’s box when she opened it all the ills of mankind were released. Greed, vanity, slander, lying envy and pining. In the end when she looked at the bottom of the box the only thing that remained in it was the word hope. 

You may be “making mountains out of molehills” maybe not but I would take this as an opportunity to start a dialog between the two of you to discuss the marriage and its shortfalls. Just because she says she loves you doesn’t mean things can’t improve.


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## humpty dumpty

We all need to vent sometimes ... i vent frustrations to friends and it helps and i ask advice on here and its helped me more then you can imagin.. your wife needed to vent and she wrote it in a diary!!
Now you have read her diary ids say the best thing you can do is to ask for a time where you can both sit down and talk and work out how to move fowards ...
Tell her what she means to you ..Date her again spend time together ...


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## nztom

Thank you everybody so much. I know I have to change my many faults and stop annoying her / making her feel unappreciated / etc. We have been married 16 years and I just hope it is not too late. I just wish I knew how much I was screwing up years ago. Thank you again everybody.


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## Junebug

Amplexor said:


> You may be “making mountains out of molehills” maybe not but I would take this as an opportunity to start a dialog between the two of you to discuss the marriage and its shortfalls. Just because she says she loves you doesn’t mean things can’t improve.


:iagree: Smart man speaks... What a great time for a little wake-up call. Don't make a molehill out of it, make an opportunity out of it.


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## palillo

nztom said:


> It was a complete accident. I opened one of her drawers yesterday and it was there. I opened it just to see what it was. Obviously it had stuff in it that was such that I found this website - the first page I opened it at (in the middle) said "is it too late to love again?"
> 
> I know I was wrong so I don't really need a telling off, please.
> 
> The diary basically said that she was about to leave. This was a shock because I thought we were very happy, better even. Everything just seems so perfect. Everything.
> 
> I felt I had no choice so confronted her about it.
> 
> An underlying theme is that I make mountains out of molehills.
> 
> But she said that it was all old stuff and didn't mean anything now (even though some posts were from events in the past few months). She then sternly told me "YOU need to forget about it. I love you and YOU KNOW IT", etc.
> 
> The problem is, I don't know it. One of the pages said something like "He asked so I told him I love him. What else can I say." So in my negativity I am stuck on thoughts like, maybe she just wrote another page saying that she again had to lie to me.
> 
> Has anyone ever been in this situation? Seeing something you really weren't meant to see? Wishing you hadn't opened Pandora's Box? I really want to wake up from this nightmare. I really want to forget it but I don't see how that is possible at the moment.


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## palillo

Yes i feel your concern,almost 2 months ago I've found my wife's diary and horrible things are written about me.I confronted her about it and she said i hurt her some time ago (i still don't know what i did) and she wrote that thing.The funniest part is she still doesn't feel ashamed or sorry for writing those words about me. We argued a lot but no apology came from her and from that day onwards,some part of me hates her and sometimes i really wonder why i still married to her maybe it's because we have a kid together and i didn't want my boy to grow up without a family.


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