# Dealing with frustration when a cheating ex wife will never admit she cheated



## marriedman321 (Mar 7, 2013)

Long story short through digging and talking to family members of hers, my wife had been having an affair that led to the end of our marriage since March. (Divorced in September)

During the past couple of months I brought this up and her reply has always been " I never cheated. We were separated". Which I have a hard time forgetting she ever said. Really upsets me. 

To keep this affair going she lied about everything this past year. I had to open her mail to see this man wired her 30k for an apartment, attorney etc. I also specifically remember we were together on Mother's Day, we were having sex in may etc. Never did we have any discussion of a separation. 

A friend of mine is dealing with almost the exact same thing, as his wife says she "never cheated" as she was simply not happy. 

My issue is that I have to see her a few times a week as we have a three year old. And when I see her she wants to hug me, talk to me, and basically acts like nothing on earth happened. This makes me even more hurt/ angry whatever you want to call it. 

I guess, since she is the emotional type, I would have expected a tear filled apology in which she admitted wrong doing. Apologizing for what she did to our son and me. However she would just get angry whenever I brought the topic up. 

Do people like this really think they did not cheat? Do some women have a strange way of justifying their actions? Do they just block out what they did?

What is the best way for me to move forward and get over this in my relations with her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Keep your proof handy for your own sanity and to casually shove in her face every time she tries to deny.

Do the 180 hard core. Stop letting that skank touch you, ever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think pridefulness makes people defensive. 

Very few people seem to have the inner security to just say, "I did not treat you in a way that I would want to be treated. That is not the kind of person I want to be, and I am truly sorry." 

Ideally they would then be able to just drop it and walk away, leaving you to your own reaction, without your feeling pressured to respond to them in any particular way.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Keep the proof, and no there is nothing you can do.

No, she won't admit it, not even to herself.

Only thing you can do is limit the conversation to your son.

You keep hitting your head against a brickwall repeatidly, and you wonder why your so frustrated.

Avoid the wall period, and cut communication to the child and move on.

You can't make her do anything.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Try this "I know that you tell yourself that we were separated when you gave yourself to another man so it wasn't cheating but hugging you makes my skin crawl so when it comes to that its my opinion that matters, please refrain from doing so"


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Sounds like a simple case of "cake eating" to me! Keep your evidence handy and when the time is right, use it to kick her to the curb before family and friends!

And meantime get yourself checked out for the presence of STD's, And line up an appointment with a good family law attorney to fully explore your rights!

Best of luck to you!


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Please check out the Seven Signs of Divorce Grief.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Hugging or being hugged by my lying, cheating ex wife would be like petting a pitbull who had just mauled a ring full of other dogs.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You may never get this out of her, and you are just going to have to learn how to deal with it on your own, hate to say. Yes, she probably believes in her own sick way that she really didnt cheat. Luckily for you, you are divorced now, so you get to move on. Draw boundaries with her...no physical contact (yuck!!) and no communication between the two of you that is not related to your child. Period. You are going to have to learn to be cold and indifferent because clearly for whatever reason, she thinks this is all okay, and will be combative about it being any different. You know the truth, let that be enough.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

In situations like this, rather than asking why the other person won't give the closure needed, why they won't admit they were wrong, the more important question to explore is why do I need that from them at all.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Cheaters lie. It's how they live with themselves. They may even believe their lies. Women don't have a monopoly on that and it has nothing to do with how emotional someone is. It's self-preservation. They don't want to think they're a bad person. 

My ex-husband minimized everything. Lie after lie. What helped? Telling myself that ultimately he didn't matter. And believing it. Indifference is a wonderful thing. Cultivate it. 

As to those hugs she wants? Tell her she's not your friend or just ignore her. She doesn't matter any more.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

deep down inside they know.

their outward denial is a fantasy they perpetuate to retain their self respect (or at least attempt to).

As another poster said. It is very difficult and takes courage to admit one has been acting as a bad person. most of these people don't have that courage or honesty in the first place.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

It's still fairly new for you. It gets better. It gets easier. You'll get to a point where what she did, or what she does, or why she thinks the way she does just really doesn't affect you. It's natural to want answers at first.... but you will be moving on when it really doesn't matter. 

Cheaters, schmucks, runners, etc.... have to tell themselves all kinds of things to make themselves be ok. Then they have to tell others that same thing... thinking we'll be ok with them too. 

You don't have to be ok with her. You just have to tolerate her and be polite during visitation/exchanges/events. It does get easier.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I agree with you fellers...


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

marriedman321 said:


> ............
> I guess, since she is the emotional type, I would have expected a tear filled apology in which she admitted wrong doing. Apologizing for what she did to our son and me. However she would just get angry whenever I brought the topic up.
> 
> Do people like this really think they did not cheat? *Do some women have a strange way of justifying their actions? Do they just block out what they did?*
> ...


Best way for you to move forward is to understand this behaviour is not gender specific, don't become one of those bitter men that think that ALL women behave a certain way.

My ex never acknowledged why our marriage ended (not cheating), he never appologised or took responsibility, according to him he did no wrong. So men do this too.

Best thing I did post divorce was to write myself a letter as if it were from him, the words I needed to hear from him, the apology I knew I would never get. It was a big step forward and I am a very happy, emotionally healthy divorced woman.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Cheating, and all the crazy-making, high-grade-suck, behaviors that go along with it are not gender specific. 

I divorced my husband when I found out he was a serial cheater. He's still hurt and angry that I broke up our marriage and divorced him for no reason. He's never really apologized, beyond the typical offhand "sorry, but..." non-apology, and he very probably isn't ever going to. It would be nice if he did, but that would require a level of self-reflection of which he seems to be incapable. 

Cheaters lie. To you, to others, to themselves. So, no, you shouldn't expect her to fess up or apologize. You're going to have to figure out a way to move on without that. Getting 'closure' from a cheating ex-spouse - no matter their gender - is mostly a myth. You have to find your own closure.


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