# My hubby's wandering eye



## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

Hi!! I'm new here. I've been checking these forums for awhile, looking for advice on several different matters. 

I just have one question right now ... what exactly is going on through men's heads when staring at other women? 

My hubby seems to have such a wandering eye and it makes me feel so insecure at times. We have a wonderful marriage. He is a very committed husband who bends over backwards to make me and the kids happy but I can't seem to shake this jealousy. I feel it may be due to the fact we've had troubles in our sex life since we got married. At times, not having sex for months at a time. We found out his ED was most likely due to his recent diagnosis of Diabetes but it really did seem to damage my self esteem in the meantime. Him not desiring intimacy with me but still seemingly longing for other women. He is Police Officer so he has so many interactions with all types of women everyday. I know this is probably all dramatically over exaggerated in my own head but I would just like to know from a man's perspective, what men are thinking.... and from other ladies feeling how I am and how you get past it. I'd also love input and tips from all you confident ladies and how you don't let insecurities get the best of you. Thanks.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

PrettyOptimistic said:


> I'd also love input and tips from all you confident ladies and how you don't let insecurities get the best of you. Thanks.


You don't let your insecurities get the best of you by not dwelling on your insecurities long enough to see the bigger picture. Your husband is being disrespectful to you if you know of his wandering eye. That means he does it in front of you, and that is severely disrespectful. Instead of seeing it for what it is - insulting you as your husband - you automatically turn it on yourself and blame your feelings about it on your insecurities. As long as you treat him as being more important than you are, he will continue to disrespect you.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

You're possibly going to be told that it's just because "men are more visual," but as a very visual woman, I don't believe this is the case. We all look at members of the opposite sex, but women tend to do it more discreetly. If your H is doing this in a very open manner, talk to him about it and tell him how you feel.

No matter how understanding and supportive we may be regarding ED, I'm afraid it does affect a woman's self-esteem (the same as it affects a man's, of course), and your H needs to be made aware of how his wandering eye makes you feel.


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

Thank you all!! I sometimes feel so alone about this. I do turn it back on myself and then the problem gets worse in my own head.

I do feel it to be so disrespectful. I have talked with him about this over and over but it just seems to make him do it more discreetly. It is the main cause of our fights. He has given me every excuse in the book for why he does it and usually denies or says he didn't realize he was doing it. I know we all look at times but the oogling and staring is what really hurts. I'm not sure what to do. It's not worthy of leaving someone over, when everything else is so good, but I am tired of the depression it can put me into some days.


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> You have to train your brain. Don't ever, _ever_ let another woman make you feel insecure, and definitely don't ever show it (especially to her) if she does.
> 
> I firmly believe most men will take a woman with great personality and less-than-perfect physique over a woman with a perfect bod who's a b*tch or a downer. You have to walk into every situation like you own it. Keep yourself as attractive as you can physically. The rest is all mental, baby!


Thank you for that reassurance. I will try to remember that more.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

OP, mine used to do it, too, and I used to pretend not to notice. One night, though, his ogling caused the woman he was ogling to become visibly self-conscious and as uncomfortable as it was making me, and I had it out with him (in private) in no uncertain terms. I told him he was being rude and disrespectful, and if he wanted to ogle other women, he was best doing it alone - not with me as his audience! To give him credit, that was about 6 months ago and he hasn't done it since.


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

Well, we've actually had some pretty harsh words about the subject. Alot of crying and emotion. That is why I can't understand why he still does it? He has gotten so much better about it but I still see him looking and "thinking" (if that makes sense) at times. I guess that's why I'm questioning what men are actually thinking? Is it not a big deal (because i see him actively trying) or do I keep bring it up? I feel like such a b*tch about it but I cannot help the way I feel.


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> OP, mine used to do it, too, and I used to pretend not to notice. One night, though, his ogling caused the woman he was ogling to become visibly self-conscious and as uncomfortable as it was making me, and I had it out with him (in private) in no uncertain terms. I told him he was being rude and disrespectful, and if he wanted to ogle other women, he was best doing it alone - not with me as his audience! To give him credit, that was about 6 months ago and he hasn't done it since.


THAT is exactly what I am talking about ... I've hated when other's have done it to me and have felt sorry for the women they are with. I feel like some of the women he stares at are loving the attention and disrespecting me, as well.

that's awesome he took your feelings to heart and is doing so well. I wish we could get to that point. I've been dealing with this for years.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

If he's "glancing" somewhat discreetly but not staring or ogling, then he is actually refraining out of respect for you. Let him glance, perhaps even a quick second glance, and use it as an assurance that he still has a sex drive - which is a critically important in a long term relationship.

If he is openly staring, slack-jawed, unable to bring his focus back to you or is flirting, then it is very disrespectful and you need to find a way to enforce some boundaries. (there was a discussion about this very topic in the last couple weeks here with some useful ideas how to do that)

Also let me warn you - I used to be of the kind that would glance discreetly and I accepted the blame for my ex W's insecurities so I stopped looking and even looked away - I got conditioned into shutting off my sexual appetite, and I think it was a large part of the reason my marriage became sexless and ended after her infidelity. Thing is she was insecure about it yet the guys she went after for her affairs were specifically the kind that would ogle, stare and flirt with her, and I'm sure have no problem continuing to do so at other women even with her. So just be careful what you are really asking for, and have trust that your H is a committed man who is loyal to you and shares your bed every night - if you want to strengthen the bond then rock his world.


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> He should be conveying the message to other women that _you_ are the only one worth staring at. Do you think he has insecurity issues?


Thank you.
That is a good question. He doesn't seem to. Although he is a big teddybear with me, his Policeman/Harley Rider persona doesn't seem to let him show them, if he does. He has NEVER shown any type of jealousy when it comes to me ... that in itself makes me feel kinda unworthy, as well.


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

Lon said:


> If he's "glancing" somewhat discreetly but not staring or ogling, then he is actually refraining out of respect for you. Let him glance, perhaps even a quick second glance, and use it as an assurance that he still has a sex drive - which is a critically important in a long term relationship.
> 
> If he is openly staring, slack-jawed, unable to bring his focus back to you or is flirting, then it is very disrespectful and you need to find a way to enforce some boundaries. (there was a discussion about this very topic in the last couple weeks here with some useful ideas how to do that)
> 
> Also let me warn you - I used to be of the kind that would glance discreetly and I accepted the blame for my ex W's insecurities so I stopped looking and even looked away - I got conditioned into shutting off my sexual appetite, and I think it was a large part of the reason my marriage became sexless and ended after her infidelity. Thing is she was insecure about it yet the guys she went after for her affairs were specifically the kind that would ogle, stare and flirt with her, and I'm sure have no problem continuing to do so at other women even with her. So just be careful what you are really asking for, and have trust that your H is a committed man who is loyal to you and shares your bed every night - if you want to strengthen the bond then rock his world.


I agree with you totally on the glancing. It is human nature to notice beauty. In fact, I've made comments on other women to him, myself, at times ... and he has made alot of progress over our marriage. I guess, sometimes his sex drive feels more driven towards others and not me. 
I really need to take a glance at the threads you are writing about. I am looking for tools to handle my situation. I would hate to become a bitter wife.
I really appreciate your advice on your situation. I am very afraid of turning off his sexual appetite. I'm trying desperately to find a balance. This whole issue has taken such a toll on my self esteem and I find myself giving up on my appearance because of it ... making things worse. I have tried reving things up in the bedroom but end up feeling rejected and making the situation worse. I've stopped trying because of the humiliation. 
Can you tell me, is my imagination when he is staring probably worse than what his mind is actually thinking?


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> My dh is like that too, rather reserved and unemotional. I'm a party person, very sociable, and he is content to sit back and let me be the star when we're among others. I talk to everybody, men and women alike, but I know he would be bothered if I were to oogle other men in an obvious way.
> 
> Has it reached a point with you where you would be willing to seriously embarrass him in public with a loud and pointed comment about it?


Wow! I hadn't really considered that! (I'm smiling to myself at the thought of it though!) I've always handled this matter behind closed doors. We live in a small town and unfortunately most of the women he's ogled are girls we know. I think I would feel a little humiliated, myself, to do it ... but maybe, that is the answer. I don't know that I would be quick witted enough to pull it off!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

He's got performance issues so it's safer to look at a stranger than to actually do something with his wife. You see dogs chase cars but that doesn't mean they can drive.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

PO, not sure how bad his staring is, I do not know him or the situations. I am sorry this is hurting your self esteem, I hope you two can work this out together. I would be concerned that if you are letting your appearance slide as a passive way of punishing him your your unhappiness and resentment, it will surely kill the attraction and is detrimental to the relationship so I'd recommend stop relying on your H's behavior to validate your own self-esteem, and start trying to focus on all the good qualities you each bring into the relationship.

Separate your dependence on him for your emotional well being and perhaps when that is lifted from him he will be able to identify hie own issues in the marriage.


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I live in a small town too, for the moment. That might work to your advantage. You know how it is...you fart, and everybody knows about it half an hour later. The humiliation might be worth putting an end to his behavior once and for all.
> 
> If you decide to do this, and you're worried about messing it up, plan it mentally in advance. Exactly what you will say, how you will say it (tone), even body language.
> 
> If you need a few zingers...


I have to sign out here but I wanted to reply real quick ... 
I LOVE your sense of humor! YOU ROCK! Thanks for your input. and PLEASE feel free to send me some zingers!! Would greatly appreciate it!

Thanks everyone for your advice and input so far. It's given me alot to think about! Hope you all have a good evening.


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

Lon said:


> PO, not sure how bad his staring is, I do not know him or the situations. I am sorry this is hurting your self esteem, I hope you two can work this out together. I would be concerned that if you are letting your appearance slide as a passive way of punishing him your your unhappiness and resentment, it will surely kill the attraction and is detrimental to the relationship so I'd recommend stop relying on your H's behavior to validate your own self-esteem, and start trying to focus on all the good qualities you each bring into the relationship.
> 
> Separate your dependence on him for your emotional well being and perhaps when that is lifted from him he will be able to identify hie own issues in the marriage.


That advice is very valuable to me. Thank you. I will try to remind myself of this from now on.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I know what would cure him! Next time Mr. Weakwillie stares at some hot 20 year old, walk over to her, gesture to your husband and tell her "My husband wanted to talk to you." This works even better if the 20 year old is accompanied by a really huge biker. Assuming he survives that encounter, he would prefer to die than eyeball the next woman. Or, you could simply give him a taste of his own medicine and stare at men's packages, of course, making highly inappropriate comments. As hubby is a little vulnerable in this area, I expect he'd get the hint pretty quick.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Whatever you do, OP, continue to pay special attention to your appearance. Not for the benefit of your H, but for your own self-esteem. Knowing you look is a great boost to any woman's confidence!

I would certainly call him on it next time he goes into ogle mode. There's a definite difference between a glance of appreciation and an ogle.


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## Peachy Cat (Apr 15, 2012)

I understand your feelings about a "husband with wandering eyes". It DOES start to eat away at your self esteem and you end up feeling like some jealous, old hag of a housewife (OK, maybe I'm projecting... that's how 'I' felt). My first ex husband was a big time ogler of women. It's really embarrassing to have him meet your girl friends from work and then later hear them talking about how "creepy" he was.

I think you've gotten great advice on how to take care of YOU and maybe find a way to make the point with him in a big way.

Thinking of you.


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## Relationship Coach (Apr 27, 2012)

PrettyOptimistic said:


> That advice is very valuable to me. Thank you. I will try to remind myself of this from now on.


This issue has come up a lot on these forums and it's still not a good idea to play games with your SO. Why would you embarrass your H deliberately? This seems to be a really bad foot to start on. 

Have you talked to him about this? If not, you need to. Don't attack him, he's not doing anything to try and hurt you. Just ask him about it -- he may not know he does it. Also, it's your issue, not his, so go about talking about it to see if he can help you out instead of making him feel like some sort of "problem." 

The lack of sex thing is significantly more concerning to me. Has your physical appearance changed a lot since you got together? Physical appearance is quite important to me. (If that's the case, don't be self-conscious and beat yourself up, just do something about it if it's important to you.)

Good luck.


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## Relationship Coach (Apr 27, 2012)

Oops! Well, my secondary point still stands...How do those conversations go?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Relationship Coach said:


> Have you talked to him about this? If not, you need to. Don't attack him, he's not doing anything to try and hurt you. Just ask him about it -- he may not know he does it. Also, it's your issue, not his, so go about talking about it to see if he can help you out instead of making him feel like some sort of "problem."
> 
> The lack of sex thing is significantly more concerning to me. Has your physical appearance changed a lot since you got together? Physical appearance is quite important to me. (If that's the case, don't be self-conscious and beat yourself up, just do something about it if it's important to you.)
> 
> Good luck.


The lack of sex in the OP's relationship is due to her husband's health related ED problem. Whilst any woman who loves her husband will be thoroughly understanding and supportive of this sort of issue, untreated, it can eventually impact on a her general well-being and self-esteem. She should not also have to contend with her H openly ogling other women when they are out together. A quick appreciate glance is one thing, but doing it in a manner that is so obviously noticeable to her, is both disrespectful and insensitive of him - particularly as he is aware of how it makes her feel.


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

Wow ... thanks to all for your input. It has given me much perspective. Alot to think about.

As to the question of my physical appearance (which obviously seems to be more of a concern from the male comments  ) I used to be a runner/lifter before having my 2 yo and my 7 mo and I haven't felt the desire to get those last 15-20 lbs of baby weight off as I had before. I also tend to wear a baseball cap and braids more than I used to. When my h and i met I was a 9.8 on that silly little site HotorNot... he was 60 lbs heavier than now. Things have a changed a little.  When I was more attractive in the beginning, the fact that I took care of myself but he still payed so much attention to other women, made me question why I was even trying. I recall being on a couple runs thinking "Why am I even doing this... If the man I love doesn't even notice and would rather give his attention to sleazy women?" I don't think some men realize how damaging they can be. We have had this conversation many times. He has gotten better ... just can't understand why it would be so "uncontrollable" when he knows it hurts me so much.

And yes ... LadyFrogFlyAway ... please pm me!! lol I would love to see some of your ideas.  It's not so much about humiliating him ... more just trying to get the point across.


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> I know what would cure him! Next time Mr. Weakwillie stares at some hot 20 year old, walk over to her, gesture to your husband and tell her "My husband wanted to talk to you." This works even better if the 20 year old is accompanied by a really huge biker. Assuming he survives that encounter, he would prefer to die than eyeball the next woman. Or, you could simply give him a taste of his own medicine and stare at men's packages, of course, making highly inappropriate comments. As hubby is a little vulnerable in this area, I expect he'd get the hint pretty quick.


Oh my goodness ... my h would just die if I did that! I will keep that in mind 
Thanks!


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

Relationship Coach said:


> This issue has come up a lot on these forums and it's still not a good idea to play games with your SO. Why would you embarrass your H deliberately? This seems to be a really bad foot to start on.
> 
> Have you talked to him about this? If not, you need to. Don't attack him, he's not doing anything to try and hurt you. Just ask him about it -- he may not know he does it. Also, it's your issue, not his, so go about talking about it to see if he can help you out instead of making him feel like some sort of "problem."
> 
> ...


I have attacked him in the past and have regretted it ... I just usually end up feeling guilty. How do you suggest I handle this? I've tried to talk to him. I think you may be able to enlighten me on how guys think. I realize this issue does have alot to do with my own insecurities. I just can't get over the feeling of disrespect it gives me ... and the feeling that I'm not really what he desires.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

OP, IMO, noticing attractive members of the opposite sex whilst in the company of a partner / spouse can be likened to driving the car of our dreams, which we wouldn't exchange for the world, but still taking a peek at other snazzy cars as they pass by. It's when that glance of appreciation becomes a rubber-necking ogle that we are in danger of damaging what we have...

You've discussed your feelings of discomfort and disrespect with your H, but he has chosen to ignore you, so you have to deal with it yourself. The way I tackled the problem was by telling my partner that disrespect makes me feel uncomfortable, and when I feel uncomfortable I have the right to remove myself from the situation. I calmly told him that should this behaviour continue, I shall in future remove myself from his company and leave him to ogle to his heart's content. It wasn't an idle threat, because had he done it again I had every intention of picking up my bag and, without fuss or explanation, finding my own way home. Fortunately, I never had to do this and the problem is now resolved.

It isn't a case of trying to control someone else, it's more a case of taking control of what we will and will not tolerate from others. In this case, disrespect.

We cannot change others, but we can change our reaction to them...


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## Relationship Coach (Apr 27, 2012)

PrettyOptimistic said:


> Wow ... thanks to all for your input. It has given me much perspective. Alot to think about.
> 
> As to the question of my physical appearance (which obviously seems to be more of a concern from the male comments  ) I used to be a runner/lifter before having my 2 yo and my 7 mo and I haven't felt the desire to get those last 15-20 lbs of baby weight off as I had before. I also tend to wear a baseball cap and braids more than I used to. When my h and i met I was a 9.8 on that silly little site HotorNot... he was 60 lbs heavier than now. Things have a changed a little.  When I was more attractive in the beginning, the fact that I took care of myself but he still payed so much attention to other women, made me question why I was even trying. I recall being on a couple runs thinking "Why am I even doing this... If the man I love doesn't even notice and would rather give his attention to sleazy women?" I don't think some men realize how damaging they can be. We have had this conversation many times. He has gotten better ... just can't understand why it would be so "uncontrollable" when he knows it hurts me so much.
> 
> And yes ... LadyFrogFlyAway ... please pm me!! lol I would love to see some of your ideas.  It's not so much about humiliating him ... more just trying to get the point across.


Can you expound on how those discussion have gone with him since I missed it?  

I mean, if he's getting better, you're on the right track. If it's not really getting there, maybe a different communication technique is needed (and I don't mean humiliation or passive aggressiveness). 

To your physical appearance, it's an obvious question as it's important to a male. This is almost impossible to get around. I think there might be a bigger problem than the ogling if you really feel like you were putting in effort to look for him and he didn't care. That's a serious issue -- he should be LOVING that.


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I'm going to have to go back through this thread and see how the word "humiliation" came up...I don't think I used it, but maybe I did. It's not about making your spouse feel like dirt; it's about getting the message across that his actions are hurtful to you.
> 
> Sometimes nice doesn't cut it. Just my two cents.


I apologize, I don't think that word did come up. I think I may have mistaken it from the word "embarrassment". I'm sorry.

I agree, I'd just like to get my point across. I've obviously not succeeded with my approach, so far.


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> You've discussed your feelings of discomfort and disrespect with your H, but he has chosen to ignore you, so you have to deal with it yourself. The way I tackled the problem was by telling my partner that disrespect makes me feel uncomfortable, and when I feel uncomfortable I have the right to remove myself from the situation. I calmly told him that should this behaviour continue, I shall in future remove myself from his company and leave him to ogle to his heart's content. It wasn't an idle threat, because had he done it again I had every intention of picking up my bag and, without fuss or explanation, finding my own way home. Fortunately, I never had to do this and the problem is now resolved.
> 
> It isn't a case of trying to control someone else, it's more a case of taking control of what we will and will not tolerate from others. In this case, disrespect.
> 
> We cannot change others, but we can change our reaction to them...


First off, let me say, I am so happy for you that you were able to resolve your problem with your hubby. I'm sure that is such a nice weight lifted off your shoulders. 

I agree 100% about the matter of control. I definately would not want my h's behavior to be based on that. My goal is for him to recognize it and then be considerate of the way it makes me feel. It just seems so unneccessary in a marriage. It's ruined a couple of special occassions, in fact. One of which, he was ogling a girl he had a short lived relationship with while he and I were on "a break" before we were married. That one stung the most and we still fight about it from time to time because I don't think he realizes everytime he breaks his neck over and over, it adds more salt to the wound.... bringing up those feelings. His occupation as a police officer has made things a little touchy, on top of that, with him having to be involved with one of her domestic 911 calls. Such a big mess over something (the ogling), to him, seemed to be no big deal at the time.

I have given it some thought to remove myself from the situation, many times. I've even brought it up to him but in the end I just can't justify it completely when EVERYTHING else in our marriage is so close to perfect... but, maybe I should give it some more thought. 

I honestly just want to get over the way I feel. I think all the advice I have been given about my appearance and making myself feel better, for MYSELF, is right on point.  I'm going to try to make it a priority. Thank you so much for your input!!


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## PrettyOptimistic (May 19, 2012)

Relationship Coach said:


> Can you expound on how those discussion have gone with him since I missed it?
> 
> I mean, if he's getting better, you're on the right track. If it's not really getting there, maybe a different communication technique is needed (and I don't mean humiliation or passive aggressiveness).
> 
> To your physical appearance, it's an obvious question as it's important to a male. This is almost impossible to get around. I think there might be a bigger problem than the ogling if you really feel like you were putting in effort to look for him and he didn't care. That's a serious issue -- he should be LOVING that.


Our discussions usually are not too pretty. We've had many over the past 6+ years. There tends to be alot of hurt involved then alot of guilt on his part. Sometimes, I feel guilty for letting it get the best of me when, deep down, I know his heart is right here with his family and he tries to show me that daily. He knows were I stand on the issue, we'll do great for a length of time, then it seems he will out of nowhere start the behavior all over again. It seems like it is out of his control or that he doesn't even realize he's doing it. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but at the same time want to protect my stance on it. What's worse is when the women notice it too...

I agree about the idea of a more serious issue going on... and I think that is why I'm so insecure and quite confused, actually. I'm at a loss as what to do sometimes...


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## Relationship Coach (Apr 27, 2012)

I hear this about the "wandering eye" a lot, and lately it's usually been about some bigger underlying issue. Worry about the bigger issue, not the wandering eye bit. What good is fixing a broken window if the foundation of the house is collapsing? 

I think you guys are both going to have to work hard on communicating more productively if that's such a chore. (Obviously you can't control his end, just yours.) If want specific advice feel free to PM. 

And what's all this about a girl on a "break?" Is one of you holding on to something from years ago? That needs to be fleshed out...very unproductive to not fully experience emotions and have acceptance/peace with the past...or else you are just stuck there. 

Cheers.


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## Fieryredhead (Feb 24, 2012)

PrettyOptimistic said:


> Thank you all!! I sometimes feel so alone about this. I do turn it back on myself and then the problem gets worse in my own head.
> 
> I do feel it to be so disrespectful. I have talked with him about this over and over but it just seems to make him do it more discreetly. It is the main cause of our fights. He has given me every excuse in the book for why he does it and usually denies or says he didn't realize he was doing it. I know we all look at times but the oogling and staring is what really hurts. I'm not sure what to do. It's not worthy of leaving someone over, when everything else is so good, but I am tired of the depression it can put me into some days.


I'm probably going to sound harsh on this subject, but I had this problem with my husband before we got married. He would stare so hard, that one time, the boyfriend/husband of the other woman came over and asked him if he needed something...I tried talking to him seriously, confronting him in a teasing way, ignoring it, noticing cute guys, and all the other advice we read about how to handle this, and nothing seemed to work.

Finally, I resorted to the drastic treatment. EVERY time I caught his eye wandering (you have to watch carefully), I BLEW UP. First I would call his attention to it right then - loudly, and then once we got in the car, or away from most people, I really let him have it -- tears, shouting, etc. 

I told him it was utterly disgraceful, disrespectful, immature, and if it didn't stop, I was done with him. I made him leave a store and drive me home once, and walked out of an event another time. 

I am NEVER one to make a scene and very rarely raise my voice, but in this case, I felt it called for EXTREME action on my part.

I only had to do that about three times, and SUDDENLY, he didn't do it anymore. He is VERY careful where he puts his eyes. 

I still watch him sometimes when there is a hottie around, and catch his eye if I can, so he knows I'm aware, but he does nothing more than a quick glance, which is human nature.

There is NO reason a man should EVER treat his woman that disrespectfully. As I told my husband, "do it on your own time!!! But when you are with me, your eyes should be on me only because you are very lucky I am on your arm."

Others may disagree, but this drastic behavior worked for me and shut down the issue quickly.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

OP, I think you've explained your situation very well. Unfortunately, there are some who think that this sort of reaction in a woman automatically originates from a general lack of self-esteem and inherent insecurity (which, of course, it can), but I don't believe that this is the case with you, any more than it was with me. My reaction wasn't out of jealousy - simply humiliation at being so blatantly disrespected.

Just to be clear, I wasn't for _one minute_ suggesting you remove yourself from your marriage, and this wasn't what I meant when I talked about "removing" myself to my partner. It was a definite message, however, that I would remove myself from any situation where he disrespected me by ogling.

Somehow or other your H is going to have to realise for himself how hurtful his behaviour is (just try to avoid arguing with him about it, if you can), but in the meanwhile I'd concentrate on some personal TLC and lots of pampering!


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