# Focus



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I am looking for some suggestions here.
When I was younger I had the ability to focus my attention like a laser beam to get whatever it was that I needed done done. Over the past few years (preceding my divorce) I seemed to have lost that ability.
I am self employed and this lack of focus is effecting my business. What used to take hours, now takes days.
I attribute some of it to burn out, but I kick myself. I have looked into other occupations but can't seem to find any that interest me. 
If I could just focus I could make so much money. And have so much more free time than most other people. 
Instead I procrastinate and put off until the last minute. I get sidetracked easily and then I end up spending more time getting something done than I need to. I feel like my life is passing in slow motion, but then I look at a calendar and see that the days and weeks are flying by.
I think some of this is due to lack of purpose on my part. I guess I feel as though I don't really have one now. In the past I was doing it to get ahead, pay the bills, support my family, fund my dream etc. Over the years I have met all of those goals and now find myself without any. Maybe I just haven't decided that I am worth it?


----------



## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Ynot said:


> I am looking for some suggestions here.
> When I was younger I had the ability to focus my attention like a laser beam to get whatever it was that I needed done done. Over the past few years (preceding my divorce) I seemed to have lost that ability.
> I am self employed and this lack of focus is effecting my business. What used to take hours, now takes days.
> I attribute some of it to burn out, but I kick myself. I have looked into other occupations but can't seem to find any that interest me.
> ...


You are an idea guy, not a follow through guy. You need to partner with someone who has the detail(follow thru) attributes. Start brain storming all the great ideas you have and write them down. FIND SOMEONE WHO IS DETAILED ORIENTED AND WILL BUY INTO ONE OF YOUR IDEAS. Its called SYNERGIES. DUDE


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Recently I read an article that procrastination for some people is a positive thing because then when they are up against a deadline, they DO have the laser-focus they need.

So you are lacking focus, drive and purpose. Hm. Maybe what you need is to be hyper busy - work hard/play hard. Have you considered doing some sort of volunteer work in your spare time? That would really give you more purpose and limit your free time so you had to pay more attention to squeezing everything into the allotted time you have.

I don't think you should bury yourself in WORK - just be more productive at work/during those hours. What about taking a college class - or even better, teaching in the evenings at a community college on a subject you might be a pro? 

Basically, take some of that spare time that allows you to dawdle too much and fill it with something very meaningful to you. It will bring your spark back. Don't work harder or longer, just smarter. Life isn't about your job so you need to find ways to make life more meaningful and fulfilling so you get that bounce in your step.


----------



## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

I'm going thru the same thing as far as work goes. It is a family business and due to local economics is about to go under. I guess the years of trying to keep it afloat have taken their toll and now I just can't get motivated to do even normal daily tasks. I start each day with the plan of browsing the internet while drinking my first cup of coffee, only to find I am still online several hours later. Good luck to you, I know personally that the change can come only from within and it is hard to make yourself take that step.

The one thing I have is my wife and family. THOSE I never put off!


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Ynot said:


> I am looking for some suggestions here.
> When I was younger I had the ability to focus my attention like a laser beam to get whatever it was that I needed done done. Over the past few years (preceding my divorce) I seemed to have lost that ability.
> I am self employed and this lack of focus is effecting my business. What used to take hours, now takes days.
> I attribute some of it to burn out, but I kick myself. I have looked into other occupations but can't seem to find any that interest me.
> ...


I think what you said in bold is likely the source of your problem. You've been enveloped in ennui. There's no need to focus because you're not working toward any specific goal. 

So, get yourself some goals! Find something inspiring, meaningful or competitive to do. Alternately, branch out, grow, innovate or change some aspect of your company. Find or create new goals for yourself. Otherwise, you have nothing to strive for and you get listless and unfocused. You're just the sort of person who founders a bit if there's nothing to work _towards_.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Recently I read an article that procrastination for some people is a positive thing because then when they are up against a deadline, they DO have the laser-focus they need.


I think I know what article you are talking about, I have been meaning to read it but haven't gotten to it yet ... :rofl:


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Ynot said:


> I am looking for some suggestions here.
> When I was younger I had the ability to focus my attention like a laser beam to get whatever it was that I needed done done. Over the past few years (preceding my divorce) I seemed to have lost that ability.
> I am self employed and this lack of focus is effecting my business. What used to take hours, now takes days.


Omg, I could have written this. I've talked to my therapist about this exact thing. I've said I feel like I know what ADHD feels like! It's very frustrating. She has said some of my issue could be hormonal due to my age, peri-menopause.

I'm not at all an idea person, and I'm the detail person, and I still find myself getting so distracted.

I like Enjoli's thoughts about getting MORE on your calendar so you use your time more wisely. This would help me I think. My dad always said he wanted us to have jobs in college because studies show students with jobs do better than students without jobs....similar concept. 

(I still graduated with only a 2.7 though  )


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Omg, I could have written this. I've talked to my therapist about this exact thing. I've said I feel like I know what ADHD feels like! It's very frustrating. She has said some of my issue could be hormonal due to my age, peri-menopause.
> 
> I'm not at all an idea person, and I'm the detail person, and I still find myself getting so distracted.
> 
> ...


I have often said that I have adult onset ADD. I don't know if its burn out, or boredom, hormonal or just plain old depression. But it makes me sick. I try to talk myself into action, but stall out.


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Ynot...Considering the number of threads you have started lately seems to me that your head is still spinning. You say you use to be that gut...he is still inside you somewhere find him.

Then your focus will return

55


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

How is your Testosterone level?


----------



## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Mr. Nail said:


> How is your Testosterone level?


Thats a little personal even for TAM...DUDE


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Loss of focus with age is a Smoking gun for low testosterone. T levels and prostate glands are the staples of conversation at this age. --MN


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

just got it 55 said:


> Ynot...Considering the number of threads you have started lately seems to me that your head is still spinning. You say you use to be that gut...he is still inside you somewhere find him.
> 
> Then your focus will return
> 
> 55


Yes there is still spinning going on in my head. It has slowed considerably from what it was. I no longer suffer from the general overall anxiety I had before. Now it is just sort of melancholy feeling. I am still sad and the holidays do not make things any easier. But I am usually able to push the useless thoughts out of mind and much easier than I was able to before. I just feel like I am stuck. My life is on hold and nothing seems easy. I am at least thinking of the future where before I saw none.


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> How is your Testosterone level?


I don't know. I will have to get them checked.


----------



## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Mr. Nail said:


> Loss of focus with age is a Smoking gun for low testosterone. T levels and prostate glands are the staples of conversation at this age. --MN


Ohh Sheet, I don't look forward to these conversation. If you two start talking about adult diaper brands next I'm out this convo...DUDE


----------



## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> Ohh Sheet, I don't look forward to these conversation. If you two start talking about adult diaper brands next I'm out this convo...DUDE


The prostate is the male G-spot. Just sayin'....

Ynot - I went through this for a long while after my divorce. If you think about it, it would be unusual if you were able to just jump into a new life and have all your priorities/goals/motivations like you did before. You have a different life, so you have to come up with different priorities and reasons to be motivated.

Some of that will come when you find a serious relationship (and you will). Some of it you may have to work through before that.

My best advice is to take it in small steps. Rather than thinking about where you want to be five years from now... think about where you want to be three months from now. Then set some very concrete and clear goals that will get you there. Importantly, they should not be huge, abstract concepts (eg, "I want to focus on my work more") but they should be specific goals (eg, "I want to increase production by X amount or work X amount of hours or have X income coming in). And the same for more personal goals in your life. 

If you can, make these shorter-term goals stepping stones to your longer-terms goals. Given where you are at, though, you may not have long-term goals sorted out yet, and that's okay.

I think the more finite and realistic and executable the goals actually are - rather than abstract things you think you are "supposed" to want - the better you are able to focus on them and meet them. Just my dos centavos.


----------

