# Reconciliation?



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Is anyone aware of what happened to the 'Reconciliation' thread or am I just overlooking something?


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

you are right, it looks like is not there anymore


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

I guess the best is to ask EI directly


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

but does not make sense, all others threads from EI and B1 are still there, it was a very nice thread for people looking support to R, is weird


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

I saw on another thread that some other thread had disappeared and then reappeared,so I hope that's the case here.It was seeing R during the process from all angles and I can't count how many times I recommended it to others on here.Very valuable for the ones taking their tentative first steps towards R.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> I think they probably found this place hurtful to their marriage. This site has turned more pro-divorce for couples with infidelity. There is a pile of revenge in the air. It's understandable.


I'm pretty sure EI would have been more forthcoming.She doesn't shy away.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> I think they probably found this place hurtful to their marriage. This site has turned more pro-divorce for couples with infidelity. There is a pile of revenge in the air. It's understandable.





TBT said:


> I'm pretty sure EI would have been more forthcoming.She doesn't shy away.


yes I find difficult to belive that they deleted it for the pro divorce gang, everybody was kind of respectful of that thread, and nobody really messed with the couples that were there supporting each other for R.

maybe as TBT said, they are fixing something and it will appear again


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## Want2babettrme (May 17, 2013)

Yes, I appreciate the Reconciliation thread also. Reading how others have overcome marital disasters gives me hope that I may someday have a fulfilling marriage. 

Doesn't appear that it will be happening with my current spouse unfortunately.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

I hope that the thread comes back up. I have sent two peole to that thread because hey can be helped by some of the posts

However, if the thread was hurting B1 and EI in any way then they did the right thing if they removed it.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

TBT said:


> Is anyone aware of what happened to the 'Reconciliation' thread or am I just overlooking something?


That's a very good question. I have no idea. I just logged on and saw this thread. Perhaps a moderator can give us some answers.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

EI said:


> That's a very good question. I have no idea. I just logged on and saw this thread. Perhaps a moderator can give us some answers.


Well, is good to know that you guys did not deleted it, probably is something related to the server and the thread itself, I mean tha thread had more that 10,000 posts, I don't think they anticipated a thread with that much information and maybe is surpassing some predeterminated parameters.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

B1 and I would never remove the Reconciliation thread. The posters on the R thread have been a tremendous source of strength and inspiration to us throughout our reconciliation. B1 rarely logs onto TAM, anymore, but that's simply because he has begun focusing on so many other positive aspects of his life and of our life together. He has grown in so many ways it's unbelievable and I feel blessed beyond measure to be his wife. 

With that having been said, I feel a need to stick around TAM to try to pay it forward. It hasn't exactly been easy to be a former WS, on this forum, but I think, or perhaps I should say I hope, that I have been able to make a worthwhile contribution by sharing our story, from a WS's perspective. B1 and I are truly in an amazing place in our marriage, even while our life is still filled with challenges. I told him, just this evening, that our life is just as complicated as ever, but that I felt so much happier than I had in so many years. Then, I looked at him and said, "The difference is you, I have you, now." 

So many people have shared their stories on the Reconciliation thread. I, often, go back and read 6 months ago, a year ago, eighteen months ago, just to see how far we've come. I'm sure other regular posters of the thread do that as well. Although, several months ago, B1 and I did discuss deleting the thread and moving on, we ultimately decided that it would be a disservice to all of the wonderful posters who have helped us along the way. We have both received many pm's from people who rarely or never post on the thread, but tell us that they have been encouraged and inspired by reading through it. The R thread is not about B1 and EI. It's about anyone and everyone who is, was, or may be coping with infidelity and is looking for hope, healing and inspiration. It's everyone's story and we would never take that away.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

EI said:


> B1 and I would never remove the Reconciliation thread. The posters on the R thread have been a tremendous source of strength and inspiration to us throughout our reconciliation. B1 rarely logs onto TAM, anymore, but that's simply because he has begun focusing on so many other positive aspects of his life and of our life together. He has grown in so many ways it's unbelievable and I feel blessed beyond measure to be his wife.
> 
> With that having been said, I feel a need to stick around TAM to try to pay it forward. It hasn't exactly been easy to be a former WS, on this forum, but I think, or perhaps I should say I hope, that I have been able to make a worthwhile contribution by sharing our story, from a WS's perspective. B1 and I are truly in an amazing place in our marriage, even while our life is still filled with challenges. I told him, just this evening, that our life is just as complicated as ever, but that I felt so much happier than I had in so many years. Then, I looked at him and said, "The difference is you, I have you, now."
> 
> So many people have shared their stories on the Reconciliation thread. I, often, go back and read 6 months ago, a year ago, eighteen months ago, just to see how far we've come. I'm sure other regular posters of the thread do that as well. Although, several months ago, B1 and I did discuss deleting the thread and moving on, we ultimately decided that it would be a disservice to all of the wonderful posters who have helped us along the way. We have both received many pm's from people who rarely or never post on the thread, but tell us that they have been encouraged and inspired by reading through it. The R thread is not about B1 and EI. It's about anyone and everyone who is, was, or may be coping with infidelity and is looking for hope, healing and inspiration. It's everyone's story and we would never take that away.



As you might already know, i am one of the TAM members that dont really believe in R. For me it's like a broken glass glued toghether. But in your case i not only like the way you give your support, but also appreciate how you handled the whole R. with your husben.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

jack.c said:


> As you might already know, i am one of the TAM members that dont really believe in R. For me it's like a broken glass glued toghether. But in your case i not only like the way you give your support, but also appreciate how you handled the whole R. with your husben.


Thank you very much. I'm always humbled when I read a comment like this.


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## Leelan (Oct 10, 2013)

EI said:


> Thank you very much. I'm always humbled when I read a comment like this.


Hi El
After sharing about my frustration with getting my husband to hear me for the past 4 years
I joined the ranks of WS. Close to two weeks ago I shared that I got feed up and had
FB which I knew was wrong but did any way. You're right it's not easy being a WS here
So I fought back for my right to work thru this here on TAM. One of my replies replies was
A recommendation to read you and your husbands thread because you were 
WS as well who had gone thru something very similar to what I am going thru now. They
Even sent me a hyperlink directly to your thread. 

I had planned to take a couple of days off from writing, think...and was going thru
Post by post of your journey each of the past couple of mornings. I wake up to start
Reading.....and it's gone.

After some of the attacks I received I know that I am probably hyper-paranoid but
Where did it go? I'm seriously bummed out that it was removed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Hmm how odd..if they wanna clean up TAM I would think they would get rid of threads that havent had any posts in a year.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Oh its back
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Was just reading some old posts from Beo and Morrigan. Miss them so much
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Ooops thought I was posting on my own thread lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

Gone again. :/


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

soulpotato said:


> Gone again. :/


Seriously? I have no idea what's going on. I've pm'd a few mods but I haven't gotten a response back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

EI said:


> Seriously? I have no idea what's going on. I've pm'd a few mods but I haven't gotten a response back.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, it is driving me crazy. I'm sure it is bothering you even more.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

The odd thing is that when a thread is brought back by a mod,usually all of the "likes" given are canceled.I was on here briefly this afternoon and saw that the thread was here intact,likes and all.Obviously there's something more going on and personally I've experienced a few issues on here over the last couple of days.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Love the movie
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Wow the thread is still not there!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

I know. I have pm'd Amp, sweetpea and Deejo. Deejo is the only one who has responded, but he doesn't know what's going on either. He suggested that there may some maintenance going on with the database. Well, he actually called it pruning. I would hope that a thread as big as the Reconciliation thread wouldn't randomly be "pruned" while it was still active. There are tons of other threads that haven't had any activity in well over a year. The R thread isn't as active as it used to be, but it still gets comments at least a few times every single week. We'll just have to see. But, it wouldn't hurt if some of you guys would pm the mods, as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

EI said:


> I know. I have pm'd Amp, sweetpea and Deejo. Deejo is the only one who has responded, but he doesn't know what's going on either. He suggested that there may some maintenance going on with the database. Well, he actually called it pruning. I would hope that a thread as big as the Reconciliation thread wouldn't randomly be "pruned" while it was still active. There are tons of other threads that haven't had any activity in well over a year. The R thread isn't as active as it used to be, but it still gets comments at least a few times every single week. We'll just have to see. But, it wouldn't hurt if some of you guys would pm the mods, as well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I posted a request for an explanation in the Technical Difficulties forum.

As for pruning,there's hundreds of old dormant threads with only a few posts where the OP never replied to the last post.

Hoping for a good outcome.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Thanks guys. I truly appreciate your concern. I finally got a response from Amp. Unfortunately, he has no idea of what might have happened to the R thread. It really breaks my heart. I would often read through the thread just to see how far B1 and I have come. Sometimes, when I'm overwhelmed or I'm having a, particularly, hard day (for any number of reasons ) I could read our old posts and it gave me so much peace and comfort knowing how hard we've worked and how much closer we've become because of our efforts. Our life is still very challenging for many reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with the A, but having B1 by my side, loving me, supporting me, encouraging me, and working through our challenges, together, has made all the difference in the world.

It feels like I just lost almost 2 years worth of journals. And, I think that if I feel that way, that there may be a few others who will feel that loss, too. It wasn't a thread about just one couple in reconciliation. It was a thread about anyone who was coping with infidelity and who was searching for answers and direction in their journey towards healing and happiness. So many wonderful posters on TAM contributed to the thread. 

Again, thanks for your concern. It means a lot to know that the thread was of value to others besides B1 and myself.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

I never really contributed that much to the thread myself,but I definitely saw,and will hopefully see again,how positive it was for you and B1 and all involved.There's hope and support there,and I'd never hesitate to recommend it to those who needed to find some.It also really brought home to me how much my thinking has changed since I was a young man who,at the time,thought he knew all the answers.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

EI said:


> Again, thanks for your concern. It means a lot to know that the thread was of value to others besides B1 and myself.


I fortunately never needed it but very much appreciate it. So again, thank you.

(Hope it comes back soon.)


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

What a shame.
I don't post much any more but there was a lot of blood, sweat, tears and love in that thread.
You must be gutted E1
Xxx


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Surely they have backups. If the size was out of control, it can be broken into two or three sections. Or printed to PDF.

If it is gone, it is gone by choice.


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## Leelan (Oct 10, 2013)

I guess it was just my luck that it disappeared just at it was recommended and I was starting to read it. 

So EI,
if you don't mind me asking, do you have and suggestions on other threads by WS or WW I can read. I understand from some of the replies that my story sounds similar to yours down to the sheer vitriol of comments ....which is why some of the posters suggested I take a look at it your thread. 

If not you than maybe someone else can suggest a supportive thread.
Thanks


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Hi Leelan,you never know around here.The thread came back once,so it may yet again.

As for other threads.Have you read the threads of EI and B1.They had their own threads before the Reconciliation thread.They may shed some light.Take care.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

They can dump the thread out of their database and provide it to any number of us who can make it available in a number of formats. Or they can just replace it, as I believe they should.

I was able to get at a piece of it using the Wayback Machine:

http://web.archive.org/web/20131010...ping-infidelity/52974-reconciliation-101.html

Well, that doesn't seem to be working.

Go to archive.org and enter the URL:

http:// talkaboutmarriage.com/ coping-infidelity/52974-reconciliation-101.html 

I had to break up the URL so it doesn't show as a link. Remove the spaces


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> They can dump the thread out of their database and provide it to any number of us who can make it available in a number of formats. Or they can just replace it, as I believe they should.
> 
> I was able to get at a piece of it using the Wayback Machine:
> 
> http://web.archive.org/web/20131010...ping-infidelity/52974-reconciliation-101.html


That pretty interesting. It seems that a few TAMers are more interested in recovering the thread than any of the mods are. I'm starting to feel slightly paranoid, so I've deleted my avatar picture, profile picture, photo album, and "About Me" section. I'm afraid that I'll lose access to my own information so I thought I'd better do that now. If anyone knows of any way to recover the thread or any part of it, please pm me. There are several posts that are very precious to B1 and me and I would love to have a copy of them for myself. 

Thanks guys! 
~EI


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## Leelan (Oct 10, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Just doing a search on reconciliation will yield results. It takes time, but there is always knowledge to be gained, even in the failures of others.
> 
> Reading the stories of BS and WS will help gain knowledge and perspective. You have much to learn and understand, "grasshopper".(reference to the television show, "Kung Fu", with David Carradine, from the seventies.)


Ussh....Sensei


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## Leelan (Oct 10, 2013)

TBT said:


> Hi Leelan,you never know around here.The thread came back once,so it may yet again.
> 
> As for other threads.Have you read the threads of EI and B1.They had their own threads before the Reconciliation thread.They may shed some light.Take care.


 Thanks


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Just doing a search on reconciliation will yield results. It takes time, but there is always knowledge to be gained, even in the failures of others.
> 
> Reading the stories of BS and WS will help gain knowledge and perspective. You have much to learn and understand, "grasshopper".(reference to the television show, "Kung Fu", with David Carradine, from the seventies.)


Greatest television show ever.. Just sayin'...


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

The R thread and the people who frequented it were my lifeline many times and gave me a safe and supportive place to be, both on TAM and in the world. I very much hope it is brought back.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

We can find a FireFox plug-in to try to crawl the Wayback Machine.

The thing is, this is in a database that can be pulled by index. Honestly, it should take moments to provide a TAB or comma delimited file if they absolutely don't want it up.

It is probably something technical. Max number of rows or something. 

Simple to resolve.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> We can find a FireFox plug-in to try to crawl the Wayback Machine.
> 
> The thing is, this is in a database that can be pulled by index. Honestly, it should take moments to provide a TAB or comma delimited file if they absolutely don't want it up.
> 
> ...



Can you please translate this into layman's terms? I'm so upset. I've heard back from Amp and Deejo. Both say they know nothing about it. The post that TBT made on the Technical Difficulties Forum has not been answered. B1 has pm'd Chris. H., but has yet to receive a response. B1 says that the mods are, obviously, aware of what is going on, they are simply choosing not to address it. This is a website that makes money from its advertisers. If for some reason the Reconciliation thread was affecting their bottom line in a negative way then it could easily be made to disappear. 

So many people have put their heart and soul into that thread. I don't even know what else to say. I'm just heartbroken.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Anyone know how many pages or posts that thread contained? I'm guessing it must have been some multiple of 1024?


It was over 11,000 posts and over 700 pages.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

I find it difficult to believe the thread was deleted over a bottom line issue. Just don't see it. The fact that it disappeared for a while, then came back, then went away again would suggest they have some kind of system problem that they are either not aware of or able to identify. 

While I didn't participate in the thread, other than a couple of mindless posts, it was nice to see people's journeys recovering from their tragedies. 

A little bit of good news goes a long way on this board.


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

There is no way this is a technical issue. As far as databases go threads like the R thread are a grain of sand in the big scheme of things. It's basically all text which is nothing as far as space goes. It's not a size or space issue, this was taken down for a very specific reason, it was either financial, meaning it was costing them money somehow being up, or worse, they found some other way to make money from that thread. Meaning they sold it or something crazy like that, yes I'm stretching here.

It could have been dumped, as mentioned, to a file, however, then you would need a database to load back into, otherwise it would be very difficult to read. But at least we could have it.

No, this was intentional, sites like TAM have regular backups, are also more than likely clustering or mirroring, all this just means it's there, they have it and they are keeping it from us. Sad too, because it just goes to show where they are, how they think and what TAM is really all about. It has to be a financial issue, some way, some how, that thread was costing them money or they found another way to make money from it. If you google CWI reconciliation you don't get the Reconciliation forum, you get the Reconciliation thread, Google had it indexed big time. 

I will say this, if it is technical, then some DB admin is in deep trouble. 

I have messaged support and pm'd Chris H. Nothing back yet. This, too, tells me that something is not right.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

There are plug-ins that you can tell to download web pages to save them locally, on your system.

Doing this from archive.org might require multiple tries because I have had trouble getting pages to display . Have to try to get them to show up multiple times before they would show up without error.

I can take a,shot at this tomorrow. 

But that should really only be the last resort.

The site here uses a database to store every page. They also perform site backups.

The data isn't lost. They have chosen not to continue to make it public.

If it is too large a thread, perhaps they are working to split it into multiple threads.

I doubt this is revenue-related. I can't come up with any thought on how this cooks impact them negatively.

The ads for MATCH.COM however... They are going to lose them subscribers...

But I digress...

If they don't provide an answer, we will try to recover from the Wayback. 

Chin up. K?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

B1 said:


> There is no way this is a technical issue. As far as databases go threads like the R thread are a grain of sand in the big scheme of things. It's basically all text which is nothing as far as space goes. It's not a size or space issue, this was taken down for a very specific reason, it was either financial, meaning it was costing them money somehow being up, or worse, they found some other way to make money from that thread. Meaning they sold it or something crazy like that, yes I'm stretching here.
> 
> It could have been dumped, as mentioned, to a file, however, then you would need a database to load back into, otherwise it would be very difficult to read. But at least we could have it.
> 
> ...


Obviously you have more knowledge about this than I, so I'll bow to your expertise. I just can't understand how it just went away, came back, then disappeared again without it being a systemic problem. We all saw it. 

Bullwinkle (I think it was) also had an entire thread simply disappear at the same time, and that one was nowhere near as large as the R thread. 

It just doesn't add up.


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

Chins up, not the end of the world, but frustrating. I just find it unbelievable that a site like tam would loose data, loose a single thread. I am a DBA, it's what I do. In my 12 years as one, we have never lost data permanently. We have lost databases but recovered within 12-24 hours. That's why I am thinking its revenue related, no other reason it would be removed to me. Why else would they care, it's not space, and I am not thinking it's technical so......


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## Want2babettrme (May 17, 2013)

clipclop2 said:


> They can dump the thread out of their database and provide it to any number of us who can make it available in a number of formats. Or they can just replace it, as I believe they should.
> 
> I was able to get at a piece of it using the Wayback Machine:
> 
> ...




Tried this, worked, but most recent date archived was in October 2013. I'm not savvy enough to know how to download and save the thread, so of no use. Hope the thread comes back. I have drawn much inspiration and hope from the Reconciliation thread. 

Sending my best wishes to all the posters for continued recovery and healing.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

It isn't going to be the database that's the problem. It will be the BBS script if anything.

Look, it isn't gone. We know that.

Let's give them a chance to answer thecquestions with technically sound answers.

We should also be scouting for a new home site. Maybe TAM has changed in a way that is no longer in line with our values.

I hope not, she types, looking at an ad of a moustached man and a caption "View Singles Near You".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> It isn't going to be the database that's the problem. It will be the BBS script if anything.
> 
> Look, it isn't gone. We know that.
> 
> ...


Thank you, clipclop, for giving me some hope that we might be able to recover a copy of the thread. I've always said that I can survive just about anything on the tiniest bit of hope. 

And, thanks to the rest of you guys for caring about the thread. It means a lot to me. 

Strangely enough, the ads that I'm seeing are for men's boxer/briefs??? :scratchhead:


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I love boxer briefs! But are you sure the ad isn't for single men in boxer briefs?

;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Just had a new ad...

need a sugar mamma to take care of you?


This world is depraved. It makes me very sad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

It would be a shame as the thread represented everything TAM is suppose to be.

The thread was the ray of hope in a very dark world.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

jim123 said:


> It would be a shame as the thread represented everything TAM is suppose to be.
> 
> The thread was the ray of hope in a very dark world.


You know, I kind of thought the same thing........


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> Just had a new ad...
> 
> need a sugar mamma to take care of you?
> 
> ...


Wait, can we trade ads? I've often thought I would like to have someone take care of me, do my laundry, cook, shop, clean, run errands, balance the checkbook. You think a sugar mamma would do that?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

It was followed by a Sugar Daddy ad that did not include a toffy on a stick.

If we can get both a SM and a SD perhaps they can adopt us and raise us right the second time around. Pay for college out of pocket. New cars. Spring vacations to Europe and the Caribbean. 

Mummy, Daddy, EI and I would be ever so grateful if you would buy TAM and restore the R thread. And get rid of those dreadful ads.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

I think the lack of response from the moderators says it all. The post that TBT left in The Technical Difficulties forum has still not been acknowledged by the mods. I have received no additional information from either Amp or Deejo since yesterday's response saying that they had no idea what happened to the thread. Until this morning, when "Reconciliation" was Googled, internet traffic was being directed to the R thread. Now, it's starting to go to the Reconciliation forum. I suppose that makes those who pay for the ads, that support this website, happier. This is a pro-marriage forum, until the bottom line suffers. 

One point that the CWI forum drives home over and over, again, is that men/women of integrity tell the truth, even when it is inconvenient and/or uncomfortable to do so. I would like to believe that a forum that espouses those values, would practice them, as well. I'd like to hear from the mods. Wouldn't you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

EI said:


> I think the lack of response from the moderators says it all. The post that TBT left in The Technical Difficulties forum has still not been acknowledged by the mods. I have received no additional information from either Amp or Deejo since yesterday's response saying that they had no idea what happened to the thread. Until this morning, when "Reconciliation" was Googled, internet traffic was being directed to the R thread. Now, it's starting to go to the Reconciliation forum. I suppose that makes those who pay for the ads, that support this website, happier. This is a pro-marriage forum, until the bottom line suffers.
> 
> One point that the CWI forum drives home over and over, again, is that men/women of integrity tell the truth, even when it is inconvenient and/or uncomfortable to do so. I would like to believe that a forum that espouses those values, would practice them, as well. I'd like to hear from the mods. Wouldn't you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you're giving them too much credit... as a person that understands how the Intrawebz is connected up, with ip's and stuff.. I'd say the bulletin board software and/or database has found a limit to how big a thread can become before it becomes problematic. I'd say the QA testing crew over in India forgot to do the 'make 15,000 posts' test..


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Reconciliation thread part II?


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

India was a joke, I'm sure the site is run out of some kids basement on a GoDaddy hosted domain that he pays $5 a month for... and all the mods are his action figures, he just types for them.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

(poking the bear)


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

From the Wayback Machine:


https://web.archive.org/web/2013011...m/coping-infidelity/52974-reconciliation.html


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Ok. I didn't do it today but I will come up with a plan to mine the Wayback. 

I will ask for help if I cant automate it.

This pisses me off because they have the posts. Just freaking give them to us in any format. I have a host I can put them on. Bunches of us do.

Anyone know any other good marriage boards to migrate to?

I am not married to TAM. Just got comfortable here. 

You know how that goes. ;-)


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> I am not married to TAM. Just got comfortable here.
> 
> You know how that goes. ;-)


:rofl:

I don't think (hope?) it's malicious but rather that there is a bit of technical inexperience. I have a far less important unresolved, but I believe easily fixable, technical issue that the mods (who have nothing to do with technical issues) passed on to ownership in the fall.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I don't believe it is malicious.

I can believe it is technical.

But if they can't solve the problem, they should ask for help.

TAM could populate a village with doctors, lawyers, farmers, bakers, geeks of all kinds, teachers, etc. Etc. Etc.


We can fix anything


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## Mrs_Mathias (Nov 19, 2012)

Please add me to the list of people that would love a copy of that thread for past reference of my journey. I am trying really hard to stay away from TAM as I attempt to heal my own self identity from my horrible affair. But I care very much about all the posters there, and like to look back to remind myself that change is possible, and I am doing it, an inch at a time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Any of us who are doubtful of the possibity of R still want it to be possible 

We want to be able to forgive. 

We also have to accept that sometimes we can't.

I can't. 

But I love those of you who can.

We will save what we can.

TAM can make this easier . I would appreciate them doing it. I will not forget their not doing it.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Odd. I'm a supermod on a forum. If a thread gets deleted it is usually a "soft" delete. Quick click and the thread is back. Hard delete? Hmmm... Don't know if the admin can retrieve that or not.
Thing is when you delete a thread as a mod you are given the option for hard or soft. Btw...when a user deletes a post or a thread it is a soft delete. One click and the post/thread is back.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Backups exist. Period.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *By EI*
> One point that the CWI forum drives home over and over, again, is that men/women of integrity tell the truth, even when it is inconvenient and/or uncomfortable to do so. I would like to believe that a forum that espouses those values, would practice them, as well. *I'd like to hear from the mods. Wouldn't you?*



*Yes I would!*
I sent a Mod an IM about this issue and have not received a response.

*Why is there not someone in authority from TAM posting on this thread?* At least acknowledge us and let us know that hey are working on getting the thread back.


From the information that ClipClop has told us the thread is not lost. TAM is not going to gain any fans by ignoring the posters of the most popular thread on CWI


The reconciliation thread was the most active in the CWI section. With such limited response to the TAM posters one could get the impression that the TAM authorities do not value our concerns.

*If it is a technical issue does it take 3-4 days to get some results?*


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Is it a matter of donations to get the thread back?


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

harrybrown said:


> Is it a matter of donations to get the thread back?


I don't think that would make any difference, but thank you for thinking of it! 

At this point, I don't have any hope that the R thread will be returning. But, ever the optimist, I am holding out hope that I can, at least, get a copy of it. I've thought, many times, in the past, that I should look into making a copy, but I didn't really know if there was an easy way to go about it. Plus, with everything else that's always on my plate, making a copy wasn't a huge priority because I always assumed that the R thread was just a few clicks on my iPad away.  

It's really disheartening but, after all that B1 and I, or anyone else who is coping with infidelity, or is attempting reconciliation, have been through, it's really not the end of the world.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Glad it didn't get deleted before when things were more shaky with you two but sad for those that feel most comfortable posting on the R thread than any other. Sigh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Well all of todays posts on my thread got deleted. Something is wrong with TAM
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

CantSitStill said:


> Well all of todays posts on my thread got deleted. Something is wrong with TAM
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your thread, like the R thread, is another gigantic thread, as well. It's all rather strange. But, there is a thread in the Social forum called "I Wish" by "AnnieAsh" with over 57,000 posts. So, I don't think size has anything to do with it.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

That one 5 letter game thread is real big
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

EI said:


> So, I don't think size has anything to do with it.


That's what I tried to tell folks on another thread. Pardonnez moi Ma Cher, I couldn't resist.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Just now had a chance to get back on here,and its kind of disheartening to see nothing has changed.At least from what I see Yungster is aware of it now and he's the owner if I'm not mistaken.Hopefully he'll get his guys in gear as there has been a myriad of problems it seems since the changeover.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> That's what I tried to tell folks on another thread. Pardonnez moi Ma Cher, I couldn't resist.


I'd tell you that you're a troublemaker, but I know that would give you a great deal of satisfaction......... so, I shall abstain!  LOL


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

TAM seems just a little bit colder lately. I'm heartsick.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

It's like we're suddenly homeless, huh, bfree?


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Reconciliation?*



soulpotato said:


> It's like we're suddenly homeless, huh, bfree?


Exactly


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

bfree said:


> TAM seems just a little bit colder lately. I'm heartsick.


I feel it too and I am mostly a Lurker.
I hope you can take heart and know that you and many others have given this Lurker enlightenment and hope

I hope and pray that this situation is soon rectified.

I have just started getting to know some people and don't want to lose out on their friendship and insight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Well I have to say how completely sh!te is this.

Never even posted in the thread but I'm very aware of the importance of it to all the people who embark upon a reconciliation whether they are successful or not. 

Very simple - that thread does give hope to many and there's no good reason to take it down 

EI is no friend of mine but I wholeheartedly support every thing she says and feels about this thread and it's actually a bit shocking to think the owners have deliberately tampered with something that so defines the very spirit of why we are actually all here

Hopefully it is a technical issue but I s'pose the silence from the admin side speaks volumes doesn't it

As someone pointed out the biggest thing we Betrayed spouses scream from the rooftops in all our millions of problems is - COMMUNICATION.

The lack of it in our partnerships marriages is why most of us ended up here !

So what do they do what do they say ?


............ zilch!! the irony


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## user_zero (Aug 30, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> EI Why don't you start another thread with a review of your story and update and put it in the Reconciliation section? It will continue to help others.
> 
> Those who contributed before may share their stories again as well and those that are just as happy their stories are gone won't. The old thread was really too large for newbies to read. I for one never read all 947 or so pages. It was just too much and too overwhelming.
> 
> ...


they say 
in order to start a new marriage, you have to consider the old marriage dead. you have to mourn it's death. you have to bury it. that means all of it. all of the good memories and bad memories. the same thing can be said about Reconciliation thread. there are memories there. it's hard to let go. especially when there is hope for the resurrection of old thread. there is hope because moderators (site owners) don't confirm it's death.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

user_zero said:


> they say
> in order to start a new marriage, you have to consider the old marriage dead. you have to mourn it's death. you have to bury it. that means all of it. all of the good memories and bad memories. the same thing can be said about Reconciliation thread. there are memories there. it's hard to let go. especially when there is hope for the resurrection of old thread. there is hope because moderators (site owners) don't confirm it's death.


But the reconciliation thread wasn't about the old marriage. It was about the journey to a new marriage. And along that journey EI and B1 met a lot of new friends. People who were supportive, people who were less supportive but still helpful in their own way, people who were broken and trying to put themselves back together, people who had already filled the holes and mended the broken parts of themselves. The thread was about EI and B1 but in reality it was about all of us. It was about the ones that posted, the ones that lurked and even the ones that hadn't found it yet. Losing it is a tragedy. Its like losing a Shakespearean manuscript or the blueprints to a Da Vinci invention. That thread has helped so many people including those that didn't realize they needed help....like me. The reconciliation thread was like a comforting old book that you could open whenever you were feeling down or whenever you needed to remember where you'd come from. Like I said, TAM feels a little colder and darker today.


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## user_zero (Aug 30, 2013)

bfree said:


> But the reconciliation thread wasn't about the old marriage. It was about the journey to a new marriage. And along that journey EI and B1 met a lot of new friends. People who were supportive, people who were less supportive but still helpful in their own way, people who were broken and trying to put themselves back together, people who had already filled the holes and mended the broken parts of themselves. The thread was about EI and B1 but in reality it was about all of us. It was about the ones that posted, the ones that lurked and even the ones that hadn't found it yet. Losing it is a tragedy. Its like losing a Shakespearean manuscript or the blueprints to a Da Vinci invention. That thread has helped so many people including those that didn't realize they needed help....like me. The reconciliation thread was like a comforting old book that you could open whenever you were feeling down or whenever you needed to remember where you'd come from. Like I said, TAM feels a little colder and darker today.


I understand and I agree with you befree. I think I'm not very good at getting my point cross. I was emphasizing on why it's so hard to let it go. it was/is important for all of us. and so far we are not even sure that it's gone forever. I wish just somebody would give us some answer. just anything.


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## owl6118 (Jan 30, 2014)

Most of the threads are safely captured at The Internet Archive and can be read there. I think this is the one you seek:

https://web.archive.org/web/2013022...m/coping-infidelity/52974-reconciliation.html


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Okay

I'll do it

I'll shout out the question

Head in the noose and here I go !

Mods 

What's going on here? what is the answer here
Why are none of you saying or doing anything about this ???

I tend to go with well even if it hurts them lets be honest about what we are doing and then people can 

a/ stop asking you WHY WHY WHY 

b/ make up there own minds about whether they want to stay here or not 

heheh Don't trickle truth us or gaslight us!! :smthumbup: 

cos we'll see and feel that coming a thousand miles away !!


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Mods, owner, and other TAM authorities


Your ignoring us is getting to the point that it is just as disgusting as TAM not putting the Reconciliation thread back on the board!


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

:sleeping: Did somebody call for a troublemaker? Trouble is my middle name, and my job description.:smthumbup: So, EI, what's shaken, Bacon? :scratchhead: Is somebody being mean to you? I will slap the sh*t out of their ears and the slobber out of their mouths, if they are.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Where is AffairCare? She usually has a pipeline to the people in "authority", doesn't she? I really want to get the original reconciliation thread back, just to re-read some of my more profound pearls of wisdom and hilarious bon mots.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

As a matter of fact, I've been thinking of publishing my wittier and smarter comments in book form. I'm calling it "Quotations from Chairman Rookie", (just a working title , you understand.)


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

The Reconciliation thread has risen from the ashes...... 

Thanks to all of you guys who kept posting here and making sure that the mods were aware that we weren't happy about the situation. 

A big thank you to TBT for bringing it our attention and for creating this thread so we would all have a place to hang out. I felt like a 'virtual' refugee. 

This was a nice place to visit, but to quote Dorothy, in The Wizard of Oz, "There's no place like home."


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

EI said:


> The Reconciliation thread has risen from the ashes......
> 
> Thanks to all of you guys who kept posting here and making sure that the mods were aware that we weren't happy about the situation.
> 
> ...


And now it's gone again, along with BW's thread.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

3putt said:


> And now it's gone again, along with BW's thread.


The Hardy Boys--The Case of the Missing Threads.

Oh wait.no.....I mean Laurel & Hardy!


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Is it awful of me to be glad I dragged my feet on trying to recover the pages from the Wayback archive, hoping this would happen?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Wait. Posted to soon if it is gone again.

At least we know they have it.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

It is gone again. I don't think they are taking it away on purpose. I think they are having technical difficulties.Maybe they are uploading stuff for the site or something but iI have a feeling it will come back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

With the problems I have with my games, it lands up that they were upgrading this and that and I get gliches that messes things up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Maybe they're going to make a movie out of it.
Can Kate Winslet play me please!


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Is it missing again?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Forever Grateful (Aug 15, 2013)

It is missing. 

Is there a confirmed reason for this happening repeatedly?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

So weird how they have adds on a marriage site..looking for a sugar daddy?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Forever Grateful said:


> It is missing.
> 
> Is there a confirmed reason for this happening repeatedly?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No reason has been given,though Yungster is aware of the problem.


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## Nostromo (Feb 8, 2014)

It may sound silly, but I think it's a good sign that it keeps disappearing then reappearing. At least you know it is not intentional...... Although it would be nice if it comes back and just stays there this time.


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## Refuse to be played (Jun 7, 2013)

Where's the R thread when you need it. FG is out of town again.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

Why don't you just use this one in its place? Go for it.


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

I miss it. It was the one thread that I knew I could connect with those I appreciated the most.

I actually started a thread to tell "the story" and had hopes to get feed back from some of those I connected too on this thread. Maybe a new thread for "where are you today?" or moving forward.......

Miss hearing from everyone how their day is going, what they are dealing with at the moment....those are some powerful stuff to see and to know you are not alone.....

Thank you E1 and B1 for being such powerful examples.....


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

Jupiter, I just saw this week that you had started a thread. I'm going to read and reply to it when I can sit down and devote real thought to it. I'm sorry I haven't said anything yet. Think I know a bit how you feel, though - I was hoping to still talk with people from the R thread, but Pidge is the only one from there who has commented on the thread I started. Looks like we're all having to start threads, but still remaining kind of disconnected from each other. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Just to let you all know.Yungster posted yesterday,I believe,that they're still working on the problem.So here's to hoping still.

You all are more than welcome to avail yourselves of this thread for support and contact whenever you feel the need.Take care all.


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## 1812overture (Nov 25, 2013)

I sure hope this doesn't create more trouble (and maybe a mod can jump in) but the thread you are looking for is on page two, about 2/3 of the way down. The last post recorded was Feb 8, so it's slipped.

Maybe it needs to stay there a bit longer to make sure whatever the problem was is now fixed?


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## Refuse to be played (Jun 7, 2013)

Oh goddammit again? WTF!?


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## margrace (Aug 12, 2012)

oh no! so it's gone again? :scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Yeah I feel disconnected from everything, sorry but I have not looked at new threads. Just been sticking to my own thread. Feeling like maybe it's time to leave TAM. I'm sorry. I used to have the energy to help people here but maybe it is time to work on myself instead.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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