# good parent / bad parent



## Cooper

Wife and I are going thru a divorce after a twenty year marriage, she is involved with another man and moved out of the house leaving the kids with me. Our daughter just turned 
18, is a senior in high school. She is a good kid but still a kid. Our son is 15, also a good kid. 
My soon to be ex has always been very relaxed on her parenting responsibilities, and things are only getting worse and I'm not sure what to do. The kids started Christmas vacation on Monday. I called home from work early in the afternoon and couldn't get a hold of my son. I called his cell and he told me he was going to a movie with his mom. I spoke with her and told her if she is going to do something like that she needs to let me know so I know where our son is. Common since, right. She said she didn't think it was any big deal but yea, she should have called.
Tonight my daughter tells me she is spending the night at her moms.(Mom is living at her parents house while they are gone for the winter) O.K. no problem. I go out to dinner with my buddy and come home at 9:30 and my daughter is just leaving. I catch her in the drive and ask why she is going to her moms so late, she says first she is going over to her boyfriends and then to her moms. So my scam alert light goes off. I start asking questions she didn't want to answer. I know her mom spends most of the time at her boyfriends so I asked my daughter if mom was even going to be there, she said no, mom is gone on a horse ride for the weekend. (mom's lie). So I call my soon to be ex and ask her what she is thinking, how she could give our daughter an open invitation to spend the night with her boyfriend. She tells me I need to accept the fact that she is 18 and it's part of growing up. 
IS SHE KIDDING ME?? She just coudn't understand what the big deal is. I insisted she call my daughter and tell her she had to stay home, which I had already done. Of course once again I am the BAD guy, I ruined everything.
Again I told my wife that ANYTHING involving the kids we need to talk about. I got the yea, sure, whatever.
How the he-- do I get this to work? I get a bad feeling the kids will get to resent me. I am not a control freak and my kids have a lot of freedom, but you have to draw the line sometimes and my soon to be ex just doesn't have good judgement so I end up being the heavy. I wish she would move to the Moon and get out of my life!

O.K. I got that out of my system!
Cooper


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## Blanca

it sounds like the bad communication you both had while married, you now have while divorced. now that she has no obligation to listen to you at all, she's going to do whatever she wants. its pretty immature that she lied to you. but you have to work with what is, and not what you wish she would be. 

i think part of parenting means being the bad guy. i think its really good that you found out what your daughter was up to and put your foot down. you might lose some battles b/c your ex has a different parenting style then you, but i think it is worth it to fight. even if it does mean you'll be the bad guy.


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## humpty dumpty

I do think that both your children are old enough for you to sit them down and sort sort rules out . you need to know they are safe and in no danger.
Tell them that you love them but once the rules have been sorted they arnt to be broken without a family meeting .
simple things like knowing where they are , are for there own safty as well as your own piece of mind.
good luck parenting isnt easy but you were so right to put your foot down .


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## Nikita

One thing though, just by my own personal experience as a teen, which we have all been there, is that you need to sit down and talk to them openly about causes and effects. Consequences. Have you ever asked your daughter and son if they are still virgins? Do you think or believe that they are? And if they are not, does that change your love for them? Teens will always rebel, but they will share everything with you if you are open to them and do not judge them. They are in a stage where they will learn the hard way,but that can be prevented if you take the time to listen to them and to explain to them what they need to avoid with some justification.


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## MsLady

Definitely have open conversations with the kids.

But, I think in the end, parenting is a very thankless job ... until they have their own kids and suddenly they get it and are so grateful to you for having guided them the right way.

So keep doing your job and doing the right thing. They'll think you suck for some time, but deep down they know you are looking out for them and that they're mom is a flake. And, when they are grown-up, they will always know that you were the GOOD parent! Even if they don't ever realize it, you'll always know that you made the tough choices that guided them right and that will hopefully be enough comfort to you.


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## Frustrated Single Mom

Wow, Your Post is so similar to mine that I decided to register and post my own. "I thought I was the GOOD PARENT". I know it doesn't matter if you are the mom or dad. It seems that ultimately there is one parent who has all the fun and one parent who gets it all dumped on to their shoulders. 
I wish you much luck and strength for the coming years!
Bless You,
Frustrated Single Mom!


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