# Attempted to cheat



## carpito (Dec 23, 2016)

Two months ago I was blessed with a son. As I was getting closer to being due, my man was busy making plans with an xcoworker to meet up after I go home. In my culture after having a baby u must go home n be taught everything. From bathing the baby to coping with everything expected. I don't know how to move past this. If I didn catch him it means he would have slept with her. I feel he cheated on me 


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

In his heart and mind he has.

Sorry you are going through this.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

How can you be sure he hadn't slept with the coworker, or someone else, another time?

He's obviously got the inclination for it.

But it doesn't really matter does it?

If a person attempts to commit a robbery, even if they run out of the bank without any cash, they're still a criminal. Just a bad one.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He will cheat on you.

I am so sorry.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

HE DID CHEAT ON YOU. the intent was there, only thing missing was the actual act. But all the set up and decision to do so was made. HE CHEATED. Whether or not he actually but his...you know what inside her you know where... HE WAS THERE IN HIS HEAD. 

You just had a baby...So i don't think you will make the right decisions. Nothing to beat yourself up over, You just had a baby! 

But my advice would be to throw his ASS OUT. 

His choice of timing is the most disrespectful thing.... 


WHAT has he to say for himself. OTHER THAN, I'm sorry, it was a mistake, ONLY happened that once.. ETC.


one rule you must never forget, DO NOT TRUST anything he tells you. Cheaters LIE....95.5% of the time and they lie for as long as they can get away with it.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I find it a bit too serendipitous that the one time he plans to cheat on you, you caught him before it happened.

In other words, you caught him this time. But how many times did he get away with it.

I agree with the others. Throw him out. Seek whatever child support you can.


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## Thomas0311 (Dec 19, 2016)

The problem with someone who attempted to cheat... is they are awarded the perfect opportunity to learn from their mistake: getting caught. 
The spouse is also in a position to feed this internal desire (hope, what have you) that the opposite lesson was learned and things can return to normal... phew that was close

In this way... the nicer a person you are, the more likely you are to believe getting caught corrects the problem. But being a nice person, you don't have the capacity to understand the true nature of the person who just almost got caught.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

In a baseball game it is three strikes...you are out.

To finish the inning it is three men/women out.... you are out.

This sequence must be repeated at least 9 times per team, per game....to finish the game.

Bats and balls and gloves are used in a baseball game. They are also used in a marriage. You have the glove, he has the other items.

It is the Umpire who calls the fouls, the strikes and the game.

You are now the Ump in your marriage. His Foul, his unrealized Hump requires you to call him "Out..or...Safe".

Whatever you do, do not put him in the penalty box. That is yours to populate with good players. He is not a good player...not a good husband...not a good man.

How deep is your love? How deep is his?

Sorry you are here.


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## carpito (Dec 23, 2016)

browser said:


> How can you be sure he hadn't slept with the coworker, or someone else, another time?
> 
> He's obviously got the inclination for it.
> 
> ...




I don't even trust him anymore. I didn leave cos of the baby n I look at him in disgust sometimes 


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I hope you don't think that having a baby keeps you chained to a cheating husband.

On the contrary. You are young, your child is a newborn, and you can get out NOW, before the sunk cost is much harder to overcome.

I think you'll regret staying with him after what you've found out. Men who cheat on their pregnant wives are a breed apart. They are cold-blooded cheaters who have no sense of decency or compassion.

I hope you kick him out.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

carpito said:


> I don't even trust him anymore. I didn leave cos of the baby n I look at him in disgust sometimes
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


listen. You take all the time you need. You get over the major hurdle of the baby, WITH HIM, only if you need to. If you have another option, like FAMILY take it.... Let him wallow in consequences. 

But its more likely because of hormones that you wont leave. (AND THAT IS OKAY) you are weak, but you have MORE than good reason to be. Finding out about infidelity is a major blow, add in a new baby, and its just bad.... All of it is bad. 

If you can, i advise you to leave. But if you can't right now, get individual counseling, (LONG term) and work through what you need to to either leave him or give him another chance. but he needs to earn another chance. Don't just give it to him cause you are scared.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

He didn't just cheat on you. He cheated on the most amazing experience in a man's life, birth of a child. I never ad kids, wanted turns outnex couldn't. Just once you know being there. 

Your culture what does it say to you about a man's adultery?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

carpito said:


> I don't even trust him anymore. I didn leave cos of the baby n I look at him in disgust sometimes
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Nor should you. I would wonder if this is his first time. To do it when you are having his baby is so low it seems maybe he has had practice. What does your culture say about divorce.


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## carpito (Dec 23, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Nor should you. I would wonder if this is his first time. To do it when you are having his baby is so low it seems maybe he has had practice. What does your culture say about divorce.




Those people will never let u devorce in peace. It will be meetings after meetings trying to fix it. They always say u don't just throw marriage away bla bla bla. The one thing that's shocking is that we were happy. Nothing was wrong. He treated me like a princess yet it's a couple of years later. So I'm still in shock and I'm questioning what he probably gets up to when I'm not there cos some holidays we go to different countries for holidays. I'd want my time in South Africa with my parents
It's shocking really


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## carpito (Dec 23, 2016)

JohnA said:


> He didn't just cheat on you. He cheated on the most amazing experience in a man's life, birth of a child. I never ad kids, wanted turns outnex couldn't. Just once you know being there.
> 
> 
> 
> Your culture what does it say to you about a man's adultery?




Lol you don't want to know. 

" a wife never leaves the husband"


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Home is SA? What part of the world are you in now? If you divorce where would you file? 

It is important to know you options. Right now all you see is a wall so wide and high you cannot see the top or sides. Often knowing the options at first does not help, the pain of loss blocks your mind. But as time passes options seem more viable and your sense of self worth grows, if you let it. The impossible becomes possible. 

The term "lethal plain of flatness" describes the emotional and mental changes that occur in a BS (particularly men it seems) after 9 months to three years. The first instinct of the BS is to fix the marriage at all costs. The spouse becomes remorseful does everything right the marriage is saved then the nagging question pops up what did I save. Suddenly the 50/50 custody becomes more acceptable, the split assets becomes ok, and the simpler lifestyle seems fine. The marriage fails. 

So take the time to learn your options now.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

I understand divorce is hard, especially the part of being alone. First be true to yourself. Are you a person who shares your husband part time with another without a problem. The escape and good times he finds else where are you not interested? Are you ok with finding your own "good times"? Are you ok with being left alone and lonely? If not then begin to plan something. Plan your divorce it will not happen overnight. To escape the pain focus on planning and doing. 

Know on the other siide it can be great but you must plan and excute. So post how did you handle this questions.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Wow...Your culture is so backwards. It sounds like You would not have support if you left him. Im so so so so so sorry. 

I guess if you have no choice you can put all the love you have inside you to your son, and raise him as best you can. I can understand why in hispanic cultures boys love their moms... I think maybe its cause mom could not leave and chose to put all her energy in her children. 

There can be a beauty and a peace to that. But if you can ever be free... Go. Take you child and be free from this pain.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

carpito said:


> Lol you don't want to know.
> 
> " a wife never leaves the husband"


So don't leave him.

Throw _his_ ass out.


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