# Would you seriously date/marry a bisexual person?



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Inspired by another thread and a rl discussion. I wanted to get a larger sample of the population, so..

Since so many answered so quickly and I don't want to blow the flow, perhaps @EleGirl could fix my terrible typos?


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Well, based on the options this is the one I chose


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

No, not at all. Completely unappealing. Total dealbreaker.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

@EllisRedding, I'm trying desperately to figure out how to edit a poll... I should know better than to post from my tablet, but..yeah.


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

I value an exclusive relationship so if she does too and we both commit to it then yeah I probably would. I haven't really given it much thought. I guess I would want to feel comfortable she knows what she wants in life and a relationship. I doubt she will feel any differently. 

I'm guessing women might be more apprehensive about her guy being attracted to other men though.


----------



## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Why not, it doesn't bother me. Although, society is more accepting of bisexual females. Also, I am okay with an open relationship so if she wanted a female outside the relationship or male, I would be okay since I have no problems with FWB on my own end. I can be open or closed as long as we both follow the same parameters.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

One person made an interesting comment regarding dealing with OSF and bisexuals. Obviously OSFs as been a heated topic here. In a normal hetero only relationship, you just have to worry about one gender (as a guy, you would just worry about your SOs make friends, and vice versa). With someone who is bi the lines are now blurry, since in the context of how we have discussed OSF this would now include both genders.


----------



## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

Honestly don't know ... I am bi-curious (never acted on it, nor do I have any real desire to). Even if I were to ever have a relationship with woman I can't see wanting to share. So I guess it would depend on whether the person in question believed in monogamy or not.... I wouldn't be interested if they wanted to have another partner on the side.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> One person made an interesting comment regarding dealing with OSF and bisexuals. Obviously OSFs as been a heated topic here. In a normal hetero only relationship, you just have to worry about one gender (as a guy, you would just worry about your SOs make friends, and vice versa). With someone who is bi the lines are now blurry, since in the context of how we have discussed OSF this would now include both genders.


Which is part of the reason I ask. From another thread and a rl discussion, trusting a bisexual to be faithful to a person of one gender for possibly the rest of their lives seems to be an issue for some folks.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Why not, it doesn't bother me. *Although, society is more accepting of bisexual females.* Also, I am okay with an open relationship so if she wanted a female outside the relationship or male, I would be okay since I have no problems with FWB on my own end. I can be open or closed as long as we both follow the same parameters.


Yes to the bolded. Which is why I asked both men and women specifically. I suspect many more men are comfortable with a bisexual female partner than women are comfortable with a bisexual male partner.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> Yes to the bolded. Which is why I asked both men and women specifically. I suspect many more men are comfortable with a bisexual female partner than women are comfortable with a bisexual male partner.


So are men more comfortable, or are they comfortable because they think a bisexual partner is an easier way into a 3some (I believe FW had commented that she in fact had seen this before with some guys).


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Obviously OSFs as been a heated topic here.


What is OSF? I googled it and found Open Starfish Foundation. Seriously I don't really know.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Haiku said:


> What is OSF? I googled it and found Open Starfish Foundation. Seriously I don't really know.


Opposite Sex Friends or Old Spaghetti Factory


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Ok. Thanks. Open Starfish Foundation didn't sound too controversial.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> So are men more comfortable, or are they comfortable because they think a bisexual partner is an easier way into a 3some (I believe FW had commented that she in fact had seen this before with some guys).


I'm sure some are hoping for the 3-way. Others probably don't see other women as a threat to their position.



Haiku said:


> What is OSF? I googled it and found Open Starfish Foundation. Seriously I don't really know.


Opposite sex friends.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I know one i want to date.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Sure - but it would depend on the individual, as all bisexual women are not the same. If she is unwilling or unable to choose and commit to monogamy, then I'd probably say no.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> I know one i want to date.


Dirty old man! >


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

The problem i would see with marrying with someone who is bisexual, is that depending on how long you are married, they may over time be wanting to explore that side, regardless of the strength of the marriage. Now i am not suggesting they will act on those feelings behind the backs of their spouse but it could become an issue in that relationship. now how they wish to address the issue together will be dependent on those individuals and the strength of that marriage at that moment in time.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I will admit, I am skeptical of the reality of the bisexual man, and suspicious of any man who claims to be bisexual, and I will therefore never date or marry one. Because...

I have, in a past life, seriously dated 2 guys who claimed to be bisexual. Both of these men, within a few years of ending their respective relationships with me, came out as gay. Not bisexual. Gay. 

Given my past experience, I assume that any bisexual man I might date is actually gay, so I would be better off running the other way. It makes sense. Gay men love me, for some reason. I'm always super popular at gay bars/clubs. On one hand, I know that in some way I helped these two men come to terms with their sexuality. My one ex said to me, "We were so right for one another, and that made me realize that if I couldn't make it work with you, I would never be able to make it work with any woman." Which is very sweet. But my purpose isn't to be a gateway; I don't exist to help gay men find their way. I want a relationship, a partner and a companion, and I'm not going to find that with men for whom I am a gateway.

So no more bisexual men for me.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

As a woman, I am probably more likely to marry a bisexual woman (that wasn't an option to vote for) than a bisexual man, but I WOULD consider a bisexual man if he was also monogamous and had explored his sexuality thoroughly before I met him. I am also more skeptical of men who claim to be bisexual than women.

I am probably bisexual, but I've never had sex with a woman, and really, at this stage of my life have no intentions of doing so. I am thoroughly happy with my lifemate, who happens to be a guy, and so I intend to stay with him.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Haiku said:


> Ok. Thanks. Open Starfish Foundation didn't sound too controversial.


I think some people might be happy with starfish sex in an open relationship, but some wouldn't. >
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Date...Maybe
Marriage...No

A bisexual women may be fun/interesting to date, for the obvious reasons but I couldn't get serious about her. I know a couple of men who were married to women for many years and had kids. They were both surprised when their wives decided they were gay, and left them for other women. In my mind, being involved with a bisexual women doubles the chances of her cheating. Instead of just worrying about other men poaching your wife, you have to worry about women too.

I always thought my XWW always had bisexual tendencies but would never admit it. I found out, after I divorced her, that she had acted upon them while we were married.

No thanks.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> One person made an interesting comment regarding dealing with OSF and bisexuals. Obviously OSFs as been a heated topic here. In a normal hetero only relationship, you just have to worry about one gender (as a guy, you would just worry about your SOs make friends, and vice versa). With someone who is bi the lines are now blurry, since in the context of how we have discussed OSF this would now include both genders.


Here's how it works for me...

Being sexually monogamous is a choice we can make. Who you are attracted to, not so much.

So if I'm in a sexually monogamous relationship, I don't put myself in situations where I'm around people who might spark attraction in me. 

As far as my female friends, there is zero sexual attraction there. I have had the same group of friends for decades, and there is absolutely no hanky panky going on. My friends are attractive, but I would never look at them "that way". Likewise, they never treat me like I would ever see them "that way" either. My orientation is a non issue between us.

But let's say I'm in a monogamous relationship and one of my co workers invites me out for a drink after work, and I know she is going to invite along a friend...either male or female...who I met once before and I felt a mutual attraction between us.

In this case I would decline the invitation. I just won't put myself in that position. I can feel if there is attraction between myself and someone else, and if I've made the choice to be monogamous, then it is no problem to go out of my way to avoid spending time with people I feel that with.

I'm not rude about it, and no one would ever know what my personal plan was accomplishing. It doesn't mean I will never encounter someone I feel mutual attraction and can't get out of an interaction. When that happens I'm fine, I just make sure I am not doing it on purpose because I don't want to feel excessive attraction for anyone other than my partner.

Now if I'm single or not choosing monogamy at that time, all bets are off. I choose how to spend my time and who to spend it with based on all kinds of other factors. And hanging around with people I feel mutual attraction with becomes a really fun thing to do.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

FeministInPink said:


> So no more bisexual men for me.


Wow...I can certainly see why!! That's crazy. :surprise:


----------



## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> So are men more comfortable, or are they comfortable because they think a bisexual partner is an easier way into a 3some (I believe FW had commented that she in fact had seen this before with some guys).


I know it didn't bother my H, and yes, every few years he has tried to revisit the idea of a 3some... even tried to get it on his bucket list when he was diagnosed with cancer. It's fun as a fantasy, but it's NOT happening IRL. There are other ways to explore that side of myself without breaking marriage vows. 

FTR, we've been married 20 years and are in a bad place now... but it was H that decided to look elsewhere for gratification, not me, so my sexuality didn't seem to create any increased risk of cheating on my part. You either want to cheat or not.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> MJJEAN said:
> 
> 
> > Yes to the bolded. Which is why I asked both men and women specifically. I suspect many more men are comfortable with a bisexual female partner than women are comfortable with a bisexual male partner.
> ...


Yes I encounter this sentiment often. Sometimes from men who are just speaking freely and don't know I am bisexual. One guy said "if it says she is bisexual in her profile it could be good or bad. It's only good if it means she will have a threesome with me. If it means she will also date women without me, it's bad".

I did not comment to this guy but...ugh. It was very difficult not to. 

I can understand how this mindset happens, though. 

I have found that gay women don't want to date a bisexual woman either. Or at least if they date me, they don't feel secure because they know I still feel attraction for men and this is just "gross" to the gay women I've been with. 

I've never dated a truly bisexual woman or man, but I would and I think it could work out well for me. I just don't think there are that many bisexual people. Lots of bi curious, but that's not the same thing.


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Date, yes. Marry, no.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

So for those saying Date "Yes" and Marry "No", so what happens if you fall head over heels for this person, you just never marry them / end the relationship when things get too serious?


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am actually a bit more wary of people, especially women, who DON'T admit to at least just a teeny bit of bi-curiosity. I see hetero to **** sexuality as a spectrum, and I think most people are somewhere along the line and not at either end, whether they recognize it or not. 

Cue all the vehement denials :ezpi_wink1:


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

If I dated a bi woman she would have to see any kind of sexual interaction as cheating. 

My W once said that kissing is not an affair, I suspect she kissed a woman at least once.

Tamat


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Why does there seem to be a consensus that a bi person is more likely to cheat than a non bi person ???


----------



## Tiggy! (Sep 9, 2016)

I would, the thought doesn't bother me in the slightest.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@MJJEAN done


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> So for those saying Date "Yes" and Marry "No", so what happens if you fall head over heels for this person, you just never marry them / end the relationship when things get too serious?


You don't fall head over heals for them. Contrary to what most cheaters think, we are intellectual beings and we have control over these things. I do firmly believe that not all humans are on the same rung of the evolutionary ladder. Some are still ruled by more primal emotions than others.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> @MJJEAN done


C'mon, that kills my first post here :redcard::soapbox:


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

LucasJackson said:


> You don't fall head over heals for them. Contrary to what most cheaters think, we are intellectual beings and we have control over these things. I do firmly believe that not all humans are on the same rung of the evolutionary ladder. Some are still ruled by more primal emotions than others.


You lost me, I have no idea what cheaters has anything to do with my post?

So you find out someone is bi and decide to date them. Do you tell them up front that even though we are dating, they are not marriage material


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Why does there seem to be a consensus that a bi person is more likely to cheat than a non bi person ???


I think there are stats that confirm this but I can't find them at a quick glance. If it is statistically true that bisexual people cheat more, I wonder by what margin over people of other orientations.


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> You lost me, I have no idea what cheaters has anything to do with my post?
> 
> So you find out someone is bi and decide to date them. Do you tell them up front that even though we are dating, they are not marriage material


No. In fact, if I was just starting to date someone and they brought up marriage right away I'd bail. That screams of desperation or craziness.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Certainly not knowingly!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

LucasJackson said:


> No. In fact, if I was just starting to date someone and they brought up marriage right away I'd bail. That screams of desperation or craziness.


My point, you said Date "Yes", Marry "No". What if you are dating this person and they are really in to you, do you just lead them on knowing you would never consider them for marriage. I guess I am just trying to figure out where you draw the line. I wouldn't date someone who was bi, so I guess I wouldn't have to worry about that lol.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> I am actually a bit more wary of people, especially women, who DON'T admit to at least just a teeny bit of bi-curiosity. I see hetero to **** sexuality as a spectrum, and I think most people are somewhere along the line and not at either end, whether they recognize it or not.
> 
> Cue all the vehement denials :ezpi_wink1:


Be wary of me, then... I just like d!ck too much to be even remotely interested in ladies. I don't actively disavow pvssy, it just holds no appeal for me.

I find this stance--that everyone MUST be at least a little bi-curious just as irritating (and a little offensive) as the insistence that a straight orientation is the default and any other orientation is simply OTHER. 

If every straight person MUST be a little bit bi-curious, then every gay person must be a little bit straight, shouldn't they? And isn't that offensive to gay people? 

No one has to be anything other than what they choose for themselves.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Haiku said:


> Ok. Thanks. Open Starfish Foundation didn't sound too controversial.


I'm more into Closed Starfish Foundations. Open Starfish Foundations leads to jealousy and cheating on the starfish we love!


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

As I stated in the other discussion, I would NOT marry or be in a LTR with someone who is bisexual. There is simply too much temptation for someone like that, plus the issue of friendships of the same or opposite sex becomes an issue. So, count me as a no. But, if a woman told me that she had experimented and determined she is NOT bisexual or lesbian, then yes I would. I have no major issues with a woman trying it to see if she is. But, if she is TRULY bisexual, then no.


----------



## Tiggy! (Sep 9, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> Be wary of me, then... I just like d!ck too much to be even remotely interested in ladies. I don't actively disavow pvssy, it just holds no appeal for me.


:iagree: 
I don't get the appeal at all.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

FeministInPink said:


> Hope1964 said:
> 
> 
> > I am actually a bit more wary of people, especially women, who DON'T admit to at least just a teeny bit of bi-curiosity. I see hetero to **** sexuality as a spectrum, and I think most people are somewhere along the line and not at either end, whether they recognize it or not.
> ...


I'm always a bit confused here, myself. Supposedly (according to Kinsey I guess?) everyone is at least a teensy bit bi or bi curious. But I come across women like you all the time, where there is no question in my mind that she is 100 percent straight and fully self aware of this fact. Whatever the research says about this (which I have no idea), it's irrelevant because your experience and orientation are self evident in your life. 

And in a similar vein...I've met quite a few self proclaimed bi curious women who were just straight girls who wanted to "feel what it is like to have a female want her". Nothing more than that. A girl like this might kiss you or go a little further, but she is really just soaking up your attention because it is flattering and different. She will have no true sexual attraction or interest in me, she just wants to know what it feels like for me to be interested in her. I can spot these a mile away now and I avoid them.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Tiggy! said:


> :iagree:
> I don't get the appeal at all.


My wife thinks the idea of having sex with another woman is absolutely disgusting. She is 100 percent straight. I too have zero desire to be with another man. So, I do believe that there is a sliding scale, but I don't think everyone or even MOST people are at least a little bisexual.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> @MJJEAN done


Thanks!



EllisRedding said:


> C'mon, that kills my first post here :redcard::soapbox:


It's ok, I remember. That post made my morning. Really. I'd been up all night, crying and worried. Your post was so unexpected that I actually laughed. it meant worlds to me at that moment.



LucasJackson said:


> No. In fact, if I was just starting to date someone and they brought up marriage right away I'd bail. That screams of desperation or craziness.


Depends. If I were single and looking for a relationship leading to marriage, I'd mention that early on to weed out those who are not interested in marrying any time soon.



FeministInPink said:


> Be wary of me, then... I just like d!ck too much to be even remotely interested in ladies. I don't actively disavow pvssy, it just holds no appeal for me.


Me, either. I am not and have never been bi-curious even. I think women are beautiful, but women don't physically attract me. I see a beautiful woman and appreciate her the way one appreciates a sculpture.



TX-SC said:


> I have no major issues with a woman trying it to see if she is. But, if she is TRULY bisexual, then no.


Well, how do you define truly bisexual? I know some people who are physically bi, but emotionally either hetero or gay. Meaning, these people desire sex with both genders, but can only romantically emotionally attach to one gender or the other.

I have always defined "truly bi" as someone who is physically _and_ emotionally attracted to either gender.

@Faithful Wife, your post in the other thread really came at a tough time. My daughter is 17 and bisexual. I just found out for sure yesterday. Cue tears and sadness. I am so worried for her. She's got a tough exterior, but she is so caring and sensitive inside. I don't want men taking advantage of her sexuality and my heart breaks that some people will judge her an unfit dating/marriage partner. 

My husband is bi. He told me very soon after we started dating, he understood continuing with me would mean monogamy and he was ok with that, it's never been a problem in our relationship, and any physical stimulation he wants I can provide with a small toy budget and some GGG. I'm not close minded. My favorite maternal uncle was a gay man I adored growing up. I have gay friends, bi friends, trans friends. And I've seen some of the sh*t they've had to go through. I just really worry for my girl. I fear she is going to learn some hard lessons about dating and trust and manipulation. Not to mention, judgement. :crying:

DH tried cheering me by saying that things have changed and it will be easier for her. I disagreed and a poll was born. To an extent, it is true society has changed and is more tolerant of those who don't fit into the Hetero or **** -sexual boxes. But we can see here by the responses that easier doesn't mean easy.

Also, on a separate but related grumble, I don't like her GF. I met her briefly. I didn't know who she was until after she left. She's got no spark, no spunk. She seems very dull. And she has a 3 year old kid. Did I mention my daughter is 17? Yeah, 17 is totally ready to date someone with a kid.

I didn't like her last BF, either. Very Justin Bieber in appearance and attitude.

No matter which gender she settles down with, I'm probably going to end up with a son/daughter in law I am not fond of....


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

@MJJEAN

I would define truly bisexual as being EITHER physically or emotionally attracted to both sexes. If you are one of them, or both, then you are bi. Those who experiment but figure out they are not attracted to the same sex may be somewhere on the scale, but not truly bisexual. They tried it, didn't like it, then moved on.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

BTW, my daughter (14) identifies as besexual/pansexual but appears to be more into boys. I don't worry for her. She'll be just fine.


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Hmmm. . . I don't think I would. I can be a little bit jealous. So, instead of worrying just about 1 sex then I'd have to worry about both. I'd drive myself nuts. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> It's ok, I remember. That post made my morning. Really. I'd been up all night, crying and worried. Your post was so unexpected that I actually laughed. it meant worlds to me at that moment.


Real sorry to hear about the rough night / morning, glad I could add a little humor. Honestly, there is so much serious $h!t going in the world these days, sometimes it helps to try and look at the lighter side of things. Hang in there :smile2:


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> @Faithful Wife, your post in the other thread really came at a tough time. My daughter is 17 and bisexual. I just found out for sure yesterday. Cue tears and sadness. I am so worried for her. She's got a tough exterior, but she is so caring and sensitive inside. I don't want men taking advantage of her sexuality and my heart breaks that some people will judge her an unfit dating/marriage partner.
> 
> My husband is bi. He told me very soon after we started dating, he understood continuing with me would mean monogamy and he was ok with that, it's never been a problem in our relationship, and any physical stimulation he wants I can provide with a small toy budget and some GGG. I'm not close minded. My favorite maternal uncle was a gay man I adored growing up. I have gay friends, bi friends, trans friends. And I've seen some of the sh*t they've had to go through. I just really worry for my girl. I fear she is going to learn some hard lessons about dating and trust and manipulation. Not to mention, judgement. :crying:
> 
> ...


Take heart! Remember...everyone who contributed to this thread is "old" and is not part of your daughter's generation. Things may not be easy for her and she still may endure heartbreak...but for SURE things are different for her in this day and age than things have been in the past.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I'm in a relationship now, but I've never dated someone who is bi. I don't think it would matter to me, it just never happened that way. I have only had sex with guys I'm in relationships with (no ONS), so if a guy was bi, as long as he is faithful to our relationship, it wouldn't really matter what he did in his past or what gender he was attracted to, in general.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think it comes down to how bi, or "bi curious" is defined. There are some men that I would prefer over some women for sex, but the ratio is very large. All men and most women are below the cutoff of someone I would volunteer to have sex with (assuming I wasn't married). 

There are some men and many women I would have sex with in return for say a year's pay. (assuming no practical risks). 

So where am I on the scale? I would identify as "straight" because I cannot think of a realistic situation where I would want to have sex with a man. (or engage in any intimate behavior). 





Faithful Wife said:


> I'm always a bit confused here, myself. Supposedly (according to Kinsey I guess?) everyone is at least a teensy bit bi or bi curious. But I come across women like you all the time, where there is no question in my mind that she is 100 percent straight and fully self aware of this fact. Whatever the research says about this (which I have no idea), it's irrelevant because your experience and orientation are self evident in your life.
> 
> And in a similar vein...I've met quite a few self proclaimed bi curious women who were just straight girls who wanted to "feel what it is like to have a female want her". Nothing more than that. A girl like this might kiss you or go a little further, but she is really just soaking up your attention because it is flattering and different. She will have no true sexual attraction or interest in me, she just wants to know what it feels like for me to be interested in her. I can spot these a mile away now and I avoid them.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> I am actually a bit more wary of people, especially women, who DON'T admit to at least just a teeny bit of bi-curiosity. I see hetero to **** sexuality as a spectrum, and I think most people are somewhere along the line and not at either end, whether they recognize it or not.
> 
> Cue all the vehement denials :ezpi_wink1:


Call me sexist if you must, but I think "sexual fluidity" is much more common among women than it is among men.

I don't personally know any men whom I know are bi-curious.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

TX-SC said:


> @MJJEAN
> 
> I would define truly bisexual as being EITHER physically or emotionally attracted to both sexes. If you are one of them, or both, then you are bi. Those who experiment but figure out they are not attracted to the same sex may be somewhere on the scale, but not truly bisexual. They tried it, didn't like it, then moved on.


DH is more bi-ish by my definition, but just bi by yours. He can be physically attracted to a man and he has had sexual contact with men, but it was very rare and he cannot emotionally bond in any romantic way with a man.



TX-SC said:


> BTW, my daughter (14) identifies as besexual/pansexual but appears to be more into boys. I don't worry for her. She'll be just fine.


I think I'm over the worst of the surprise and anxiety. I'll still worry, but not nearly as much as I was this morning when everything was so fresh. Now my anxiety is more centered around her piss poor taste in partners and if she will give me grandchildren. My oldest has some medical problems and will need medical assistance to conceive, if she even can. So, now I'm worried DD17 might settle with a woman and decide not to have bio children or to use her partners egg. I want to see my mom's eyes and my grandfathers wit in a new generation. Petty? Maybe. But I want grandbabies, dangit!



EllisRedding said:


> Real sorry to hear about the rough night / morning, glad I could add a little humor. Honestly, there is so much serious $h!t going in the world these days, sometimes it helps to try and look at the lighter side of things. Hang in there :smile2:


Thanks! I got a couple hours sleep, some coffee, some food, husband cuddles, and I played with my dogs. Feeling much better.



Faithful Wife said:


> Take heart! Remember...everyone who contributed to this thread is "old" and is not part of your daughter's generation. Things may not be easy for her and she still may endure heartbreak...but for SURE things are different for her in this day and age than things have been in the past.


As I said above, I am feeling much better. Thank you so much.

Still have to cope with knowing my future son/daughter in law is going to be a variation of Dull Girl or Bieber Boy, though.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

tech-novelist said:


> Call me sexist if you must, but I think "sexual fluidity" is much more common among women than it is among men.
> 
> I don't personally know any men whom I know are bi-curious.


Either that or women are just more willing to admit it to themselves and others.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

tech-novelist said:


> Hope1964 said:
> 
> 
> > I am actually a bit more wary of people, especially women, who DON'T admit to at least just a teeny bit of bi-curiosity. I see hetero to **** sexuality as a spectrum, and I think most people are somewhere along the line and not at either end, whether they recognize it or not.
> ...


I've known a lot of men who I consider bi curious but not bisexual. Sexual fluidity is a good term for some of them too. 

Many of them are guys who would give or receive oral or a handjob from a man, just for the experience of it, and they would enjoy it...but are not attracted to men, emotionally or sexually.

Others are men who could get into an MFM in the right circumstances, and could be open to some amount of touching with the guy.

The bi curious women I've known are similar.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> Either that or women are just more willing to admit it to themselves and others.


I hesitate to mention this due to "the recent unpleasantness", but there is some research indicating that women really are more sexually fluid than men. I'll post it if I don't hear objections.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

tech-novelist said:


> I hesitate to mention this due to "the recent unpleasantness", but there is some research indicating that women really are more sexually fluid than men. I'll post it if I don't hear objections.


I've read this too, but it didn't make sense to me, because I thought I had also read that men are more likely to be sexual with another person, including a man, with no attachment, and this ends up showing stats where men are more likely to have had a same sex encounter than a woman. However, I don't recall where I read this and don't know what it was based on....I wish I could remember where I read it.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

"Essentialism, in the context of sexual fluidity, is the belief that sexual orientation and sexual desire are fundamentally biological and therefore do not change throughout life. The results of a large-scale, longitudinal study by Savin-Williams, Joyner, and Rieger (2012) indicated that stability of sexual orientation identity over a six-year period was more common than change, particularly for men.[12] While stability may be more common than change, change in sexual orientation identity does occur and the vast majority of research indicates that female sexuality is more fluid than male sexuality. "

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fluidity


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

tech-novelist said:


> "Essentialism, in the context of sexual fluidity, is the belief that sexual orientation and sexual desire are fundamentally biological and therefore do not change throughout life. The results of a large-scale, longitudinal study by Savin-Williams, Joyner, and Rieger (2012) indicated that stability of sexual orientation identity over a six-year period was more common than change, particularly for men.[12] While stability may be more common than change, change in sexual orientation identity does occur and the vast majority of research indicates that female sexuality is more fluid than male sexuality. "
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fluidity


But you forgot to quote the next part....

"This could be attributed to females' higher erotic plasticity or to sociocultural factors that socialize women to be more open to change. Due to the gender differences in the stability of sexual orientation identity, *male and female sexuality are not treated as functioning via the same mechanisms*. More research is needed to determine the fluidity of sexual orientation of subgroups (i.e., bisexual, lesbian, gay, etc.)."

So to say women are more sexually fluid may be accurate, while it may also be accurate that more straight men would totally allow a man to get them off. What does this say about men's orientation versus women's and the tendency toward bisexuality? Especially since the quote points out that the orientation of subgroups is not very well researched on the same basis?

To me it seems that bi curious people are plenty in both genders. It is not the main part of their orientation. Since both can *fluidly* slip from totally straight to catching a finger/BJ once, or maybe twice...right back to "totally straight" with no confusion on their part...it seems to me that this bi curious part of human sexuality is pretty evenly distributed among men and women.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Many of them are guys who would give or receive oral or a handjob from a man, just for the experience of it, and they would enjoy it...but are not attracted to men, emotionally or sexually.


Admittedly, I have no idea how that would work. So, you know guys who are not bisexual that would do oral with another guy? Even though they are not attracted to guys? 

This is mind-boggling and totally beyond my comprehension. The thought of it is rather unpleasant to be honest. 

And you know women who would go oral with another woman although they are not into other women? 

Where are you from? Are these people perpetually high or drunk? I'd stay away from any public restrooms in your area!


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

TX-SC said:


> Admittedly, I have no idea how that would work. So, you know guys who are not bisexual that would do oral with another guy? Even though they are not attracted to guys?
> 
> This is mind-boggling and totally beyond my comprehension. The thought of it is rather unpleasant to be honest.
> 
> ...


Admittedly, I live in a very liberal environment and know many sexually liberal (as well as other kinds of liberal) people. No not *perpetually* high or drunk...but how often? One can never be too sure around here. 

For the most part, the people I've described in that last post were what I would call bi curious and would mostly just be willing to receive sexual attention or acts from a same sex person.

Yes, there are many women who would accept oral from another woman, but who wouldn't go down on one herself. And many more who would accept other types of attention from another woman.

And many men who would receive oral from another man, but who wouldn't go down on one himself. And many more who would feel flattered by the attention of a man, and maybe let the guy touch him and arouse him somewhat.

I mean...you must know that this kind of thing has gone on throughout history, right?....


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Admittedly, I live in a very liberal environment and know many sexually liberal (as well as other kinds of liberal) people. No not *perpetually* high or drunk...but how often? One can never be too sure around here.
> 
> For the most part, the people I've described in that last post were what I would call bi curious and would mostly just be willing to receive sexual attention or acts from a same sex person.
> 
> ...


Of course, but I can't imagine straight people doing that. The thought of some guy touching my penis has zero possibility of turning me on. The thought of ME touching their penis has less than a zero percent chance of turning me on. I would think women would be similar, but with media pushing the beauty of lesbian sex, I could see how it is more acceptable for a woman to be curious. Bi-leaning men or women, sure, but not people who identify as straight. 

But, heck, I'm from the southern US and perhaps it's just more repressed here. 

Many of my daughter's HS friends are saying they are pansexual (basically bisexual), so who knows what's ahead? Perhaps the next 10-20 years will see a new awakening in sexuality. I'm not sure that's a good thing for marriage and child rearing, but I'm sure we will adapt as a species and move on.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> But you forgot to quote the next part....
> 
> "This could be attributed to females' higher erotic plasticity or to sociocultural factors that socialize women to be more open to change. Due to the gender differences in the stability of sexual orientation identity, *male and female sexuality are not treated as functioning via the same mechanisms*. More research is needed to determine the fluidity of sexual orientation of subgroups (i.e., bisexual, lesbian, gay, etc.)."
> 
> ...


You may be right, but as I said before, I don't know any bi-curious men.

Maybe that just means I've led a sheltered life?


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I don't have a known answer to this, which I guess means if I found myself in an alternate reality, I'd be open.

I hope that I'd consider love and trust with an individual. End of.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

tech-novelist said:


> You may be right, but as I said before, I don't know any bi-curious men.
> 
> Maybe that just means I've led a sheltered life?


Or just not as nosey as I am.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

TX-SC said:


> Of course, but I can't imagine straight people doing that. The thought of some guy touching my penis has zero possibility of turning me on. The thought of ME touching their penis has less than a zero percent chance of turning me on. I would think women would be similar, but with media pushing the beauty of lesbian sex, I could see how it is more acceptable for a woman to be curious. Bi-leaning men or women, sure, but not people who identify as straight.
> 
> But, heck, I'm from the southern US and perhaps it's just more repressed here.
> 
> Many of my daughter's HS friends are saying they are pansexual (basically bisexual), so who knows what's ahead? Perhaps the next 10-20 years will see a new awakening in sexuality. I'm not sure that's a good thing for marriage and child rearing, but I'm sure we will adapt as a species and move on.


When I was in my mid-20's, I knew a man who was in his 60's. He had lived a fascinating life, including a fascinating sex life, and I asked him endless questions about it over the years we were friends.

I live in the USA and he lived in another country with a different culture, but with a lot of western influence. His culture had a definite difference in the way they viewed sex, and a lot of what he said stunned me when I was that young. I had not read a lot about different sexual attitudes in different cultures at that time (yet), and did not realize how shaped I was by our puritanical roots here in the USA (even considering the liberal area I was raised in). Differences like...

Infidelity happens. It is either rugswept, or semi-angrily tolerated. Both men and women seemed to cheat now and then, based on the stories he told me of many friends, relatives, etc. of both genders, plus his own stories and his wife's. It seems that there was very much a feeling of "good for goose is good for gander" there, so if you were cheated on, you had the same opportunity to do so, and that was your only solace. Many people seemed to take this on easily and were happy, if not occasionally be-gruntled by their spouse cheating on them (they had done so as well so...)

Teens became sexually active much more freely and with much less shaming than what I perceive to happen in the states. Example: it seems like in the USA, if you want to play doctor with your cousin, you might do it, but you will feel shame at some point later, and you likely won't want to acknowledge it happened. Whereas in his culture, people regularly played doctor with their cousins, and some continued to be lovers with their cousins all throughout their lives, with no issue. It was on the DL, but it seemed to be an acceptable type of sexual relationship regardless, the type that if anyone found out, they would just go "yeah, I've slept with my cousins, too, no biggie".

Women, young and old, seem more free to act the complete seductress to men, young and old. He described many situations where women directly seduced him. It seemed that overall, men and women were both seen as lusty and sexual beings, and everyone behaved that way. Again maybe on the DL, but it was definitely there.

And finally....he said that when he was a young man, he knew another young man who was gay. He said he himself was not gay or bi in any way, but that sometimes he would "use the young man like a woman". This was apparently not uncommon. He said this was how a lot of gay men were able to have frequent sex, since being gay was totally taboo still when he was young. But it was known that a certain percentage of men were gay so there was a sort of arrangement made between horny straight guys and gay guys where the horny straight guy could get off and the gay guy would just give. There was no confusion about whether the straight guy was straight or not, he was. And there was no confusion of whether or not the gay guy was gay, he was, and he knew the straight guys were straight. (Though I'm sure there was a lot of Brokeback Mountain stuff happening too, and hearts broken). 

When he told me that last one I was befuzzled. I was pretty clear on my own orientation, but I had not considered a situation like he was describing to me....at that time, it sounded kind of bi or bi curious. 

Since that time, I've read lots of stories and heard first hand accounts of many other guys occasionally or just once maybe, getting off by receiving some kind of sex act from a guy....even though he really is straight. So now it is not so odd to me, and having read a lot more of history and different culture's views on sexuality and orientation, I know it really is very common.

At this time, I would not call people in that category bisexual, but just bi curious...and that is not a great term for it either, really. More accurate would be sexually adventurous....though this could mean many other things, I would also apply it to someone who was like "hey, sure, I'm down to get off via a person of my same gender even though I'm straight, if it feels good and all, yeah??"


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> When I was in my mid-20's, I knew a man who was in his 60's. He had lived a fascinating life, including a fascinating sex life, and I asked him endless questions about it over the years we were friends.
> 
> I live in the USA and he lived in another country with a different culture, but with a lot of western influence. His culture had a definite difference in the way they viewed sex, and a lot of what he said stunned me when I was that young. I had not read a lot about different sexual attitudes in different cultures at that time (yet), and did not realize how shaped I was by our puritanical roots here in the USA (even considering the liberal area I was raised in). Differences like...
> 
> ...


I just wanted to say that "befuzzled" is a great word.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Capricious (Sep 21, 2016)

I would not date or marry a bisexual male. Not only is there the potential of him becoming attracted to a another female but also a male. I would want to know that I am the only one that can rock his world >


----------



## salparadise (Sep 13, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> I find this stance--that everyone MUST be at least a little bi-curious just as irritating (and a little offensive) as the insistence that a straight orientation is the default and any other orientation is simply OTHER.
> 
> If every straight person MUST be a little bit bi-curious, then every gay person must be a little bit straight, shouldn't they? And isn't that offensive to gay people?
> 
> No one has to be anything other than what they choose for themselves.



Now this is an interesting line of logic. First, I don't think anyone is trying to force a MUST on you. The Kinsey scale does include 0 and 6 at the extreme ends of the spectrum. I think brother Alfred would allow you choose zero if that's what works for ya. And then he'd probably put a "d" (for denial) in parenthesis next to it.

Then you say *"other than what they choose for themselves."* Do you really think that we simply choose what we wish to be? Or is it more along the lines of choosing to be white, black or mixed race, or choosing to be born in the 20th century AD vs. say the mesozoic era, or to be born a hominid vs. fish or amoeba? Perhaps it's more along the lines of choosing a hair color, eh?

For the sake of argument, let's presume for a minute that we are able to choose our sexual orientation, sort of like deciding which color of socks to put on in the morning... does not the fact that, at least momentarily, we have to consider the possibility of donning one pink and one green sock preclude an absolutist perspective on the matter? IOW, if we have choice, does that not imply a nuanced model wherein the full range of choices are available, and therefore a strength of preference would naturally exist?


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@salparadise So, McKinsey putting a little (d) next to my zero isn't him trying to force a label on me that I never asked for?

RE: choice and sexual orientation. I my have chosen my words poorly. I didn't mean that we choose our orientation... but we do get to choose how we identify.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> I think there are stats that confirm this but I can't find them at a quick glance. If it is statistically true that bisexual people cheat more, I wonder by what margin over people of other orientations.


I don't know the stats for this at all, but this seems difficult to determine. I really doubt their ability to get the truth. Could the sample be biased by bisexuals who don't want to admit it even on an anonymous survey? Or bi-curious who use the anonymity to live out a fantasy. 
At best I think you could measure something like "people who admit to bisexuality are more likely to cheat". And this might be just because people who go outside the social norms in one way are more likely to do in other ways, eg cheat.
But as I said, I don't know the statistic is wrong, I just think it is very difficult to measure well.

Partly this also drives my answer to the poll. I think my decision would hinge on could they be monogamous. Ultimately this would be about judging the person, not the labels. I would need to understand them very well enough to make a decision that I can live with. 
I know of no bisexuals in real life. So I have no life experience to apply. It would depend entirely on what I learnt from them. But my first reaction might be that they had shown very different lifestyle and I might worry that they might do different or unexpected things. So my answer would be "yes but only after they built trust", which was the same with my wife.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> And finally....he said that when he was a young man, he knew another young man who was gay. He said he himself was not gay or bi in any way, but that sometimes he would "use the young man like a woman". This was apparently not uncommon. He said this was how a lot of gay men were able to have frequent sex, since being gay was totally taboo still when he was young. But it was known that a certain percentage of men were gay so there was a sort of arrangement made between horny straight guys and gay guys where the horny straight guy could get off and the gay guy would just give. There was no confusion about whether the straight guy was straight or not, he was. And there was no confusion of whether or not the gay guy was gay, he was, and he knew the straight guys were straight.


This is not uncommon here in the US, either. 

@tech-novelist and @TX-SC

I live in the midwest. We're fairly conservative and very blue collar round here. Yet, if you drive down a certain road in a very populated area you will see a nondescript building labeled as a men's health club. Inside, you can get a year membership for about $40 and pay $10 a visit. There are sauna's, a pool, a locker room, showers, TV's showing gay porn, benches and private or semi-private rooms with men having all forms of sex with each other, and even a room that looks like something out of Arabian Nights. It's a bathhouse. And, even in the age of the online NSA hook-up, it's parking lot is PACKED in the evening, late night, and early morning.

I've known men who have gone there. The majority of those guys are straight and will tell anyone who asks that they are straight. They believe themselves to be straight. But they are *desperate* for sexual contact with another human, cannot find a female partner for some reason (usually married), and come to this in-person anonymous place to get an easy handy or a BJ and then go home. Typically, the horny gay or truly bi guys give and the straight guys receive without reciprocating. True ships passing in the night stuff. Two (or more) guys sit or hang out in an area, catch each other's eye, do whatever they are into, and part ways. No names, no muss, no fuss, no drama.

I knew guys in HS who were openly gay and passed out BJ's like candy to the straight guys who never had oral before and/or who were desperately horny.

I've seen straight women get all loopy emotional after a divorce or LTR break up accept all kinds of attention and affection from another woman, including receiving oral. They're in a bad place, need the comfort. 


It seems for both genders, those who identify as hetero but have had sexual contact with same sex partners do it for the same reasons. A desperate need for the touch of another person, the sexual release, to feel desirable/accepted by another human are the primary motivations, not sexual attraction to the same sex.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> I just like d!ck too much to be even remotely interested in ladies.
> 
> .


Sounds like the bumper sticker on my car ... :smthumbup:


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> I live in the midwest. We're fairly conservative and very blue collar round here. Yet, if you drive down a certain road in a very populated area you will see a nondescript building labeled as a men's health club. Inside, you can get a year membership for about $40 and pay $10 a visit. There are sauna's, a pool, a locker room, showers, TV's showing gay porn, benches and private or semi-private rooms with men having all forms of sex with each other, and even a room that looks like something out of Arabian Nights. It's a bathhouse. And, even in the age of the online NSA hook-up, it's parking lot is PACKED in the evening, late night, and early morning.


:surprise:

The worse thing I have seen in the gym locker room are the old guys buck naked, one leg up on the bench, drying their balls with a hair dryer (not joking lol). I guess that is not all that bad considering the type of "gyms" you mention above


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> :surprise:
> 
> The worse thing I have seen in the gym locker room are the old guys buck naked, one leg up on the bench, drying their balls with a hair dryer (not joking lol). I guess that is not all that bad considering the type of "gyms" you mention above


I have a vivid imagination and a bad case of the giggles. With all the manscaping, you'd think the men's locker room wouldn't be a horror show anymore.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> This is not uncommon here in the US, either.
> 
> @tech-novelist and @TX-SC
> 
> ...


Yeah, desperation can cause someone to kill someone else, or rob them, or even worse (see: Donner Party). I have never been so desperate that I couldn't take care of my own needs. I'm guessing these people had to have bisexual leanings. As a heterosexual, I just can't imagine needing attention so bad that I would go to a gay gym for it.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

TX-SC said:


> Yeah, desperation can cause someone to kill someone else, or rob them, or even worse (see: Donner Party). I have never been so desperate that I couldn't take care of my own needs. I'm guessing these people had to have bisexual leanings. As a heterosexual, I just can't imagine needing attention so bad that I would go to a gay gym for it.


It's been described to me as not so much a physical desperation, although that was certainly present, but a mental/emotional desperation for the sexual touch of another human. ANY other human.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> Dirty old man! >


Sorry, not quite sure what your post meant.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> It's been described to me as not so much a physical desperation, although that was certainly present, but a mental/emotional desperation for the sexual touch of another human. ANY other human.


Wouldn't a prostitute fill that role better though?


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

TX-SC said:


> Wouldn't a prostitute fill that role better though?


Heck, I would settle for some warm apple pie before I even entertained the thought of another dude ...


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> Heck, I would settle for some warm apple pie before I even entertained the thought of another dude ...


As long as it's American pie...


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

TX-SC said:


> As long as it's American pie...


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

TX-SC said:


> Wouldn't a prostitute fill that role better though?


Assuming you can afford one and know where to find them. AFAIK, strippers overcharge for services and you don't see many streetwalkers anymore. Online is an option, but a time sink unless you have already BTDT. This method is much easier and quicker. In and out in less than 30 min. Plus, a lot of guys feel mentally and emotionally worse if they have to pay for it. And bathhouses and such are legal, where getting a hooker could result in arrest, fines, a court appearance, and your car being impounded. Not to mention an appearance in the local newspaper Off the Blotter...


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Depends on the person, I suppose.

Obviously she'd have to be willing to commit to exclusivity. (Actually, she'd have to _want_ to commit to exclusivity... and w/ me.  )

And of course she'd have to be a principled enough person to either hold to that or -- at the very least -- come to me to initiate a honest discussion in the event that she wanted to change that, thereby allowing me the dignity of an _informed_ decision.

Honestly, though, I'd have the same concerns regarding a hetero potential partner.

Also, knowing about her sexuality ahead of time would obviously be key. Let's say, for example, that I found out years later -- possibly after marriage, children, mortgages, pets, etc -- that she were bi:

Worst case has her cheating on me throughout our marriage, and possibly w/ both men and women, thereby exposing me to only God knows what... which would obviously be pretty horrible.

Best case, though, means that I may very well have unknowingly kept her from exploring that facet of her sexuality, which would leave me feeling pretty crappy. (That said, each of us is obviously accountable for our own individual sexuality, and there's really no blame that can realistically be laid at anyone else's feet for any failure or refusal -- for whatever reason -- to explore it. Still... I wouldn't feel great about it.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> This is not uncommon here in the US, either.
> 
> @tech-novelist and @TX-SC
> 
> ...


I believe you, but even in the dark days of my sexual desert I could not imagine doing that, and still cannot.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

tech-novelist said:


> I believe you, but even in the dark days of my sexual desert I could not imagine doing that, and still cannot.


Me, either, but there definitely are some any port in a storm people out there.

Strange time to bring up church, but... We're Catholic. During Mass, we do the Sign of Peace (hug/handshake and a "Christ be with you" for those who don't attend church) and both at Mass and on Catholic forums I hear people complain about _having _to hug or shake the hand of other parishioners. Our priest once mentioned that the _only _human contact some people get is during Mass. It's sad how many lonely people are out there. I can see how someone might be_ that_ desperate.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> Sorry, not quite sure what your post meant.


You, sir, are a married man! You shouldn't be entertaining thoughts of bisexual hotties. :wink2:


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Technically, I did marry a bisexual the first time. 

I just didn't know about it.

If I had, I wouldn't have. And there's no reason for me to dwell on it now. 

But when I knew the truth, I was ill. 
I have no issue with bisexuals...i have many friends that identify as such, but they don't try and hide it, especially not to their partners.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I know a lot of gay/bi people and I lived with gay people.I am straight and have never had any curiosity about sleeping with a guy.I will say that most girls that I know that were bi eventually came out as one hundred percent gay while all the bi men I have ever met are still bi.
Young girls seem to have more problems accepting their sexuality than young men.This is only my opinion but girls seem to be willing to stay in the closet a lot longer than men.Young gay men will never have sex with a woman but young gay girls will have sex with a man.I have seen this time and time again over a period of years.
However some young girls are curious and if they experiment once they may never want to again,it may only be the thought of cuddling with a woman that turns them on.
Gay sex between men is a different ball game(pardon the pun) and it seems to me that once a young man takes the plunge he never has any doubt about his sexuality after.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Satya said:


> Technically, I did marry a bisexual the first time.
> 
> I just didn't know about it.
> 
> ...


Did your ExH know he was bisexual before you married or was it something he figured out afterward? How I would handle finding out later would depend a lot on whether my SO was deceiving both of us or just me.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I would so long as they were capable of being faithful. The ability not to cheat is more important than the sexuality they are attracted to. That said I am learning that my Gf is at least bicurious so this could be interesting.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> Did your ExH know he was bisexual before you married or *was it something he figured out afterward?* How I would handle finding out later would depend a lot on whether my SO was deceiving both of us or just me.


Now this is a good question. Trying to put myself in that situation, if during the course of my marriage my W discovered she was bi, how would I react? I think the potential issue, if my W discovered this, what does it exactly mean. Does it mean she wants to in some way explore that side of her (which if so, bye bye marriage).

If this was something hidden from me from the start, that would be a whole other issue IMO.


----------



## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Now this is a good question. Trying to put myself in that situation, if during the course of my marriage my W discovered she was bi, how would I react? I think the potential issue, if my W discovered this, what does it exactly mean. Does it mean she wants to in some way explore that side of her (which if so, bye bye marriage).
> 
> 
> 
> If this was something hidden from me from the start, that would be a whole other issue IMO.




I think it depends on what you mean by "explore". I discovered my bi-curiosity during our marriage.... Mostly due to exposure to porn with my H. 

I don't identify as fully bisexual as I have not experienced sex with a woman... But for me that wasn't the only way to explore. We visited a few strip clubs together... It was fun and non-threatening to both of us, and it satisfied my desire to explore. I'm content to let that side of me reside in fantasyville.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

heartbroken50 said:


> I think it depends on what you mean by "explore". I discovers my bi-curiosity during our marriage.... Mostly due to exposure to porn with my H.
> 
> I don't identify as fully bisexual as I have not experienced sex with a woman... But for me that wasn't the only way to explore. We visited a few strip clubs together... It was fun and non-threatening to both of us, and it satisfied my desire to explore. I'm content to let that side of me reside in fantasyville.
> 
> ...


Agreed, explore can mean many things. Is something like just porn enough to satisfy one's desire. Likewise, are strip clubs enough. Does the person actually desire more. Would very much depend on each person and each relationship (i.e. porn, strip clubs, etc.. may be off limits for some, ok for others). 

Funny enough, I asked a guy earlier today this very question about whether or not he would date a bi. He thought about it for a minute and then said yes, mainly b/c he finds lesbians hot which could maybe lead him into some extra action (thinking he watches way too much porn lol).


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> Did your ExH know he was bisexual before you married or was it something he figured out afterward? How I would handle finding out later would depend a lot on whether my SO was deceiving both of us or just me.


I think he knew but was in denial,so hid it from me and everyone else as best as possible. 

The end came when he told me he wanted to change gender. He, while in transition early on, identified as a lesbian, then we split and I heard through the grapevine that "she" was now in a serious relationship with a man.

My ex was very odd though. He had always pressured me in ways to admit I was bisexual, or tried to make me feel like I "fancied" other women or men when I did not. Maybe I would complement a woman on her attractiveness or beauty, or a man on his smile but it didn't mean I wanted to sleep with them! 

I realized later it was all pure projection. 

So I'm not really sure, @MJJEAN, but I have a strong feeling he'd always known and hid it, or maybe felt toxic shame and tried to suppress it. There were a lot of lies uncovered at the end of that relationship.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> Funny enough, I asked a guy earlier today this very question about whether or not he would date a bi. He thought about it for a minute and then said yes, mainly b/c he finds lesbians hot which could maybe lead him into some extra action (thinking he watches way too much porn lol).


Most bi women I know are serial monogamists. When they are dating a woman, they don't sleep with men and vice versa. I know a few who don't mind FFM's, but most don't like to share either their woman or their man.



Satya said:


> I think he knew but was in denial,so hid it from me and everyone else as best as possible.
> 
> The end came when he told me he wanted to change gender. He, while in transition early on, identified as a lesbian, then we split and I heard through the grapevine that "she" was now in a serious relationship with a man.
> 
> ...


Maybe he was hoping you were bi so that he could come out as trans and stay with you. I have a trans male to female friend who specifically looked for a bi woman for that very reason.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Very possible. It did cross my mind. 

When the bomb dropped, he was eager to point me to forums where couples were talking about staying together during & beyond a transition. I spent one afternoon reading to know the forum considered anyone that wouldn't choose to remain, heartless and breaking vows. 

I disagreed. It may work for others, but it wasn't for me. I married a man for a reason.

My decision didn't stop me from trying to be a decent human being, though, and I read all about what to expect and how to be supportive, right up until I walked out our door for the last time.


----------



## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

I wouldn't date or marry anyone bisexual, although women are much more fluid on the spectrum of sexuality. men are typically gay or straight, women run the gambit from straight, to curious, to waist up lesbians, and full blown lesbians.

I still don't think I would seriously date a women who ever had a serious relationship with another woman.


----------



## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Many women in my social circle are bi. I've dated many bi women,usually finding out on the first date or so.

My "wife" is bisexual. She was engaged to another woman for a while. Broke up a year before we meet. She was dressed to pick up another woman. Wife did get hit on by other women and we have done FFM.

I never thought any less of her for kinky stuff we've drive.

I have a few female friends who are bi and in a mono relationships with men.


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

wrong thread..sorry

But I would....

Because being in love forego's reason.


----------



## Capricious (Sep 21, 2016)

Reading a few of the responses I get a feeling that men (in general) tend to think that women are more likely to be bi-sexual or willing to try. 
I know from my personal experience (and from female friends) women know you are either bi-sexual or not. 
I mos certainly know what I want, and sure not going to get it from a female


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I've only read to this post...


FeministInPink said:


> Be wary of me, then... I just like d!ck too much to be even remotely interested in ladies. I don't actively disavow pvssy, it just holds no appeal for me.
> 
> I find this stance--that everyone MUST be at least a little bi-curious just as irritating (and a little offensive) as the insistence that a straight orientation is the default and any other orientation is simply OTHER.
> 
> ...


 I'm so with you on this @FeministInPink .... ever since I was a young little thing.. it was ALWAYS about the boys .. just something about the boys!! .. I would dream about them.. no matter how many Girlfriends I've had in life...I've never felt a tinge of that.. when I see a Beautiful woman.. I may admire how she carries herself, love her clothes, her heels.. but it's more a matter of thinking "wow, I wish I looked that good" , or where can I get an outfit LIKE THAT - to dress up for my husband... but it's never been a "MMmm.. I want some of that".. or a curiosity of what it would be like.. 

I enjoy some porn on occasion... honestly... when I see 2 women together.. off it goes.. I don't even like the part where the man goes down on her.. SKIP.. but I love love love watching her DO him... because... well.. it's HIM... A man & a woman together ...(for me).. that's the ultimate, perfection, the most beautiful act. 

Neither have I ever dreampt of a woman, it's just not there.. This is not to say I have problems with people who are ... I trust it's something that's deeply alluring to them..a craving they can't put down , it excites them... just like I have for a man.. seeing something like this..







OMG - it's getting hot in here ! 

A woman from our church yrs ago now..I always sat with her, we were friends...she felt comfortable enough to open up to me about her being Bi ... I listened to her and her struggle with this.... have never felt anything even close to what she was sharing...

I don't even know that any of this is a choice.. is it? .... it's like something deep in side of us... an instinct.. I don't know.


----------



## salparadise (Sep 13, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> @salparadise So, McKinsey putting a little (d) next to my zero isn't him trying to force a label on me that I never asked for?
> 
> RE: choice and sexual orientation. I my have chosen my words poorly. I didn't mean that we choose our orientation... but *we do get to choose how we identify*.


True. I don't believe that viewing preference on a scale takes anything away from being able to choose how you identify. 

I am like you––completely hetero. But I also realize that social conditioning could be a factor; I may be suppressing/denying because of my upbringing. The environment was extremely homophobic, and nobody, literally nobody, was out in my high school. I found out years later that several people I knew were gay, but the shame and ostracizing would've been too much to bear in that rural area.

There was a gay lawyer in a nearby town. Queer was the word used at the time. He was known to pay young men pretty well for sexual contact. The worst insult you could sling at a guy was to suggest that he had been to see "Lib."

So I do believe that we are capable of suppressing our impulses if our acceptance as a good person depends on it. The strong superego.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

salparadise said:


> True. I don't believe that viewing preference on a scale takes anything away from being able to choose how you identify.
> 
> I am like you––completely hetero. But I also realize that social conditioning could be a factor; I may be suppressing/denying because of my upbringing. The environment was extremely homophobic, and nobody, literally nobody, was out in my high school. I found out years later that several people I knew were gay, but the shame and ostracizing would've been too much to bear in that rural area.
> 
> ...


I'm sure that social conditioning is a factor for some people, especially in the case of suppression or denial. I don't think it's the case for me, personally--if it was, I probably wouldn't identify as a 0. I grew up in different environment than you, to some extent.

My dad's extended family--who I'm very close to and love dearly--is very homophobic, but I didn't realize it until I was a teenager, so it wasn't readily apparent or pervasive. When I was 13 or 14, there was a lot of hushed, furtive conversation going on at our annual family beach week (it's like a week-long family reunion), some people were acting weird, and I overheard some things that seemed a little "off" to me. So I asked my mom what was going on, because clearly something was up, and she told me, "Your dad's cousin J has come out as a lesbian." And my response, "Really, that's all it is? The way people were talking, I thought she had freaking cancer or something and was going so die. She's a lesbian? So what? Why is that a big deal?" And my mom's response was, "There are some people in your father's family who think it is a big deal, and they're not ok with it, because according to their beliefs, it's a sin." My response: "That's fvcked up." Her response: " [Sigh.] I know. Look, don't tell any of the other kids. Their parents don't want them to know. And they won't react as well as you did just now. I'm really proud of you."

Like I said, I didn't even realize that homophobia was a thing until that point in my life. Looking back on my life, I realize that most of the influential, most loving people in my life (past and present) are gay or lesbian, and this was never kept a secret from me. If I was interested in women instead of men, my parents and family (well, except for some extended parts of the family) who would be super supportive and totally cool with that. My acceptance by my family has never been at risk in the way you mention. I suppose I'm lucky. 

(Don't get me wrong--if you've read some of my other posts, you might know that my mother is/was emotionally manipulative/abusive, so she's never been the best mom, but she would never reject me or shame me for being lesbian or a bi-sexual.)


----------

