# Mother-in-law accused me of cheating!



## butters519

I just need to vent here, because my husband doesn't want to talk about this because he is so mad:

When my husband and I got engaged, his mom refused to talk to me for 1-2 months. It was ridiculous. She has hated me since day one, I guess because I stole her little baby boy away. She basically ignored me until I got pregnant 6 months into our marriage (we have been married three years now). At that point she started monitoring everything I ate and drank, forced me to drink bottled water (because it's so much better than tap, right?), and constantly nagged me about everything I was doing. After DS was born, she called me several times a day and nagged me about how bad of a mother I am. She would tell me I was doing everything wrong: I shouldn't put the bumper around the crib because he could suffocate to death (at 3 days old, like he could roll into that), I shouldn't use Mylicon because it could be bad for him, I chose the wrong diapers. She sent her 10 year old daughter to my house 2 days after I got home from the hospital to "help" me. That was great, since I had to cook her dinner. Pregnancy hormines aside, I was stressed do death. I was trying to use a breast pump and I actually had to leave my own living room and go sit on the stairs. Now DS is turning 2 in August. She still nags me about everything. I break his spaghetti in half, but I don't chop it into little pieces because he likes to slurp them, so she nags me about that. She nags me because I tried to pull my weeds one day, she told me "why do you need to pull the weeds, this isn't the White House's lawn." My DH lost his job last August, and his grandparents were kind enough to let us move into the unoccupied side of their duplex until they sell their house. Unfortunately, guess who my neighbors are? His parents, of course! His mom literally spies on me. If I have a friend or two over she tells DH that I had "suspicious people" over. One of my best friends is a guy, and my husband knows him because they went to school together. So MIL told DH that I was basically cheating on him. Nothing even happened. I love DH and DS and I wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Not to mention DH is much better looking than this "suspicious man" that I had over. I also tell DH everything I do and everytime I have someone over. So yesterday, DH called his mom on his way to work and told her that I was having some friends over and that he didn't want her being a "nosy b**ch" about it. So they got into a fight and she said "see if I ever do anything for you again." We have also recently decided to move into an apartment because we are trying to get back on our feet. Our house is being foreclosed on and this duplex is too expensive. So MIL told DH that we lied about why we decided to move, and that we actually wanted to move because of her tattling on me for everything I do. She basically called us liars. I don't know why she is such a miserable jerk. I never did anything to her, but she is trying to destroy my marriage. DH said not to worry because he CHOSE me, but he is stuck with her. She treats me like I have been a thorn in her side for the entire time she has known me. She treats her SIL, MIL and everyone else like gold except for me and FIL's brother. She told me she hates her BIL, but she treats me the same way she treats him.  It's not fair. I don't know what to do. DH said he was going to disown her if she didn't stop being so miserable and apologize to me for making me miserable fore 3 years. I'm just angry! I'm not the type of person who pretends to be innocent, I have my faults. But I did not do anything to this woman, and I have done my best to hold my tongue to keep peace in the family. I have endured countless derogatory comments from her about me, my driving, my housework, my paint colors, my OWN MOTHER, my parenting skills, my cooking, my job, just everything! I want to know what you guys would do. Today I did send her a text message and it said "I am not cheating on DH and we are not moving because of you. Don't bother asking to see DS because you are not welcome at my house anymore." I want to write her a letter and tell her I am tired of taking her insults lying down. What would you do if this was your MIL? :scratchhead:


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## Leahdorus

Wow, your MIL sounds like a piece of work. I'm sorry to hear she's so mean spiteful. She must have some issues of her own that make her act this way towards you. Insecurity, jealously, etc. The good news is, from what you've said, your husband knows his mother treats you poorly and he doesn't like it either. And he's willing to move to an apartment, no matter the reasons, he's willing to move away from his mom. Sounds like you've got a really good guy. There are people on this forum who have MILs similar to yours but whose spouses won't stick up for them or acknowledge there's a problem. So for that, you are lucky.

What to do in the meantime? I would take the high road and not stoop to her level and threaten her with not seeing her grandson. Ignore her hurtful remarks as best you can, and smile and say 'thanks for your input' and move along. When you have moved away, then if she wants to see your son, she can do it when you're not around. Maybe it would make you feel better to write a letter - I don't know if it would help or not (besides make you feel like you did *something*). Maybe someone else has some thoughts on that.


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## sadandtired

:iagree:


Exactly my thoughts! Do you want your child growing up around that kind of attitude anyways?? Either she shapes up or she doesn't get to see her grandchild anymore, either way should be better for your family, and you sound like you could use a break!

Good luck!


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## unbelievable

I would (with the concurrence of my husband) have a little fun with it. I'd arrange with several friends to dress like gang bangers, circus clowns, astronauts, space aliens, etc. Shortly after your husband goes to work, schedule them to arrive one-by-one, visit, leave, followed by the next freak. She wants to spy? Give her something to report. It'll be a hoot!


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## greeneyeddolphin

I love unbelievable's idea...that is hilarious. 

As to how to handle it, be the better person. You're about to move, ignore her and tolerate what you have to until you move. 

The only thing I think you should do differently is telling her she can't see your son. Not for her benefit, but for your son. Think about how he might feel growing up without his grandmother. My parents moved 1200 miles away from their family when I was 2, not because of any family problems but I had health issues. I only saw my grandparents a few times growing up, and I felt really bad when my friends would talk about what their grandparents did/said/got them, or how they got to spend the night at their grandparents, or whatever. So I would reconsider that part, for the sake of your son. 

When I was married to my ex, his mother hated me, too. She did everything she could to irritate me and make me miserable. I had a lot of fun by not letting her do it, by ignoring her and pretending I didn't even know what she was doing. It drove her nuts that no matter what she did, she couldn't get to me. She kept going to further and further extremes trying to get to me, until she looked like a fool to everyone else and I looked like an innocent victim.


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