# The dog is the only thing we argue about



## Anonymoo22 (May 28, 2020)

I've been with my husband for 11 years, married for 6 years. No kids currently. When we were engaged, we got a dog. We'd talked about getting one. We both grew up with dogs, so naturally, we wanted one of our own. 

Six years ago I brought home our estimated 1 year old, 45 pound, female shepherd mix from the shelter, and thought this was the beginning of a beautiful family. 

She's a sweet dog. Very affectionate and friendly, very very loving. Not yappy. No accidents in the house. No shoe chewing nonesense. Just a nice, sweet, people loving dog. 

And yet...she makes me miserable. 

I hate that I (or anyone) can't pet her without her licking t my hand or arm like crazy. I've tried for 6 years to teach her to put her head down to accept pets but she literally can't control herself and has to find and lick my hand. It makes me not want to touch her at all. 

I hate that she jumps on people on walks or when people come over. We have tried to work on it with her in public places or when people are over to desensitize and train her properly, but any time we make any progress, all it takes is one person to pet her and say "AwW iT's Ok I dOn'T miND LoL" for her jumping desires to be strongly reinforced. Weeks, sometimes MONTHS worth of training goes completely out the window in one dumb second. It just results in me getting super stressed out and discouraged.

I hate that she needs to always sprint with full force from one point to another in the house, instead of just walking. If you call her over from 6 feet away, she has to blast off to you, scratching the heck out of the wood floors. We take her on long bike rides with us where she gets to run full force for miles (she loves it), and yet she somehow still has to explode with energy any time I try to calmly interact with her in the house. 

I hate that she is a compulsive licker and will lick her paws until they are literally bleeding, despite the incredible diet and exercise we give her. 

I hate the way she smells no matter how clean she is. I hate how it has made the house smell.

I hate that she has to roll in wild animal feces every single time she finds it in the yard. 

I hate that she digs holes into my yard and lays in the dirt. I can't handle tracking dirt in my house, so I have to bathe her every. Single. Time. This. Happens. And if I put a rock or paver over the area, she eventually finds a new one. 

I hate that all of her energy is cranked up 1,000x when company is over, and all the house rules that took 6 years to engrain in her become completely forgotten. The idea of hosting a dinner or having company over nearly triggers me into an anxiety attack. I utterly dread it. The thought of having to hover over everything she does, and the years of boundary training going out the window just makes me want to scream.

But none of that is her fault. I don't have time for professional dog training. I can't afford it anyways. And, honestly? Deep down, I know that professionally training her isn't going to change how I feel.

Because...

Even when she's napping, or just calmly hanging out...even when her fuel tank is ACTUALLY low, and she is chilling.... I'll see her...and all my joy just gets sucked right out of me. She makes me so depressed. The sight of her makes me so, so unhappy. For no reason. I just look at her, and I feel pure misery in the deepest parts of my soul. Sometimes I really hate coming home because she's the first thing I'll see when I open the door. I live with constant tension within myself in my own house. It has forced me to create many dog-free zones in my house because I really need space from her. I need to be able to retreat to a peaceful place, and even then it's not peaceful because I'll hear her paws clicking as she approaches, and then I'll hear her lay down right outside the door, waiting for me to come out. I can't escape. 

She is so friendly, and so loving, and so incredibly sweet. Whenever everyone meets her they gush over how sweet she is, and it actually makes me proud, and yet... I resent her so much. I often question my sanity. Am I a demon? Am I pure evil? Why do I detest such a sweet soul just because she's energetic? "Dog people" aren't phased by this stuff. Why am I? Why can't I be like everyone in America. This country practically worships dogs. Why am I feeling the opposite? What's wrong with me? I had dogs growing up. They were slow moving, lazy Great Danes that respected my boundaries.... Is that why? Still, a dog is a dog, you're supposed to love dogs...

She is the only thing my husband and I truly argue about. And it's hardly arguing because I know I'm wrong and I don't pretend to be right. I just can't tolerate high strung dogs. I didn't know that about myself. I do now. I wish I knew then.

It's been 6 years, the dog is roughly 7 years old. She has not slowed down. She is incredibly healthy. I keep waiting for her to just slow down, for age to catch up to her, because maybe then that's when our positive relationship will truly begin, but that's not guaranteed; some dogs never truly slow down. And, that's also kind of messed up... waiting for her to get old.

But I can't hide my misery anymore. My husband has noticed the life leave my eyes when the dog walks in the room. He has seen me walk into a room, notice the dog, and walk away defeated. He has seen the smile leave my face so fast because the dog saw us laughing together so she decided to start getting hyper and turnt and demand attention and be a part of the laughing.

After 6 years, and many, many conversations, arguments, tears, pleads, and discussions, he has decided he can no longer stand the situation, and that it is time to re-home her.

Here is where the guilt comes raining down with the force of 10 monsoons. But I deserve to feel the weight of this guilt. I deserve to be crushed by it. I'm the problem, not the dog. But my husband is very much devoted to me. I often feel I don't deserve him. I don't. Not this dog-hating monster.

Then there is the fact that the dog is bonded to us. That makes me so sad for her. Sending her away to live somewhere else, taking us away from her... we're everything she knows. That breaks my heart. And the fault is all mine. The heartbreak that she will experience, and that my husband will experience, is all because of me. I'm the reason. Me. All that pain and sadness because I failed to be a decent human being and like a dog for what it is.

I don't know what to do. The thought of her being gone gives me a liberation I cannot even begin to dream of... The idea of not having this constant tension in my body within my own home almost makes me want to cry tears of pure joy and relief... But it will be at the expense of her little heart, and my husband's heart, and I don't know that I can live with that. I truly don't know that I can.

But my husband has insisted. He can't handle the situation anymore.

So, here we are. If you made it this far, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading. Can anyone relate to this at all?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

The dog is starved of affection from you. She sees you as the leader of her pack and strives to please you as evidenced by her being excited when you come home. And take it from me she knows that you are angry with her and is trying to please you in the only way she can.
Do the dog a HUGE favor and try and rehome her with someone who actually wants her and is willing to spend the time training her or is prepared to pay for a professional to do it. 
And next time you want a pet maybe consider a stuffed owl.


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## Anonymoo22 (May 28, 2020)

Andy1001 said:


> The dog is starved of affection from you. She sees you as the leader of her pack and strives to please you as evidenced by her being excited when you come home. And take it from me she knows that you are angry with her and is trying to please you in the only way she can.
> Do the dog a HUGE favor and try and rehome her with someone who actually wants her and is willing to spend the time training her or is prepared to pay for a professional to do it.
> And next time you want a pet maybe consider a stuffed owl.



Alright, I sense the anger. I get it. Maybe I deserve it. But, I didn't mention I have two parrots that I absolutely adore and have no issues with because it didn't seem relevant. I also didn't mention that I work in animal welfare and have devoted my life to helping animals (includes both domesticated animals as well as exotic animals and wildlife), so I do a whole lot more for animals on a daily basis than the average person. So, passive aggressive comments like the stuffed owl bit are only said to make you feel better, not me. I came here in hopes for a respectful discussion.

Otherwise, I hear what you're saying. Though her energy towards/with me isn't different from that with anyone else. She is pretty much cray cray with everyone. It's a part of who she is. She is a true dog person's dream. I just can't not be negatively effected by it, and it's resulted in incredible self loathing. But if I hated the dog, or didn't give two Fs about her, I would be able to re-home her without any remorse. That is not the case. I'm having an incredibly hard time coming to terms with it.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I've watched many of the animal behavior-type shows on Animal Planet over the years. Lots of dogs with big-time issues that these "behaviorists" manage to fix. Are those shows full of crap? For all I know, your dog may not be able to stop her licking. But, if these people who work for a living making dogs improve behaviorally-speaking, would that be a possibility?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What about getting her a playmate? Your dog is lonely.


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## Anonymoo22 (May 28, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> I've watched many of the animal behavior-type shows on Animal Planet over the years. Lots of dogs with big-time issues that these "behaviorists" manage to fix. Are those shows full of crap? For all I know, your dog may not be able to stop her licking. But, if these people who work for a living making dogs improve behaviorally-speaking, would that be a possibility?



Well the thing is, what she has (I guess besides the licking) isn't really a behavioral issue persay. She's just a very hyper dog. We exercise her quite a bit, for prolonged periods, and routinely. She is just hyper, and her hyperness just takes over her thinking. She knows she shouldn't do certain things like jump, but she is so excitable, that she is just kind of impulsive about it. 

Most people don't mind this in dogs, but unfortunately, and apparently (because I didn't know this about myself) I do. 

The licking is just one small thing among many things. And they're not necessarily behavioral issues. They're just her personality.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Anonymoo22 It does this stuff because it is a dog. You could get it seen by an animal behaviourist but you said: 


> And, honestly? Deep down, I know that professionally training her isn't going to change how I feel.


Then I would suggest that it is you who would benefit from professional help. Your reactions, as you describe them, are out of all proportion, massive, huge and toxic. Toxic to you, I mean.

I think that you should make a doctor's appointment to seek counselling as you clearly need help. And I'm not saying this to be mean, as your post cries out "Help me!"


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## Anonymoo22 (May 28, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> What about getting her a playmate? Your dog is lonely.


My husband and I have talked about this. Honestly, I think I would fail dog number 2 as well. I think it would add more chaos to the situation. If we got another dog, and it made things worse, which we feel is much more likely than making it better, then it's not worth the risk. I don't think I am meant to be a dog owner. It wouldn't be fair to dog #2. Dog #2 deserves better than me.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

The foot licking is usually an allergy or anxiety. A food allergy/sensitivity doesn't care how high quality the diet is if they are allergic to a certain protein. We had a dog that was sensitive to a cleaner we used on the floor. It can also be anxiety, and vets can prescribe meds for that.

A dog jumping up is never acceptable. If the training is undone when people allow that then she wasn't trained in the first place. You need to stop allowing people to pet her since they cannot listen, or stop taking her places were you can't control the people around her. Alternatively, muzzle her. People avoid a muzzled dog.

You said you wish for her to be old and calmed down, so to me that says you'd like her if she was better trained. The running in the house, etc. CAN be trained.

If you are unwilling and/or unable to afford a trainer then it's probably best to rehome her to someone who will be able to properly care for the dog. And who will actually like her.

Don't get anymore dogs, and get yourself some therapy. Your reaction is way over the top IMO. You are taking something out on this dog.


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## Anonymoo22 (May 28, 2020)

MattMatt said:


> @Anonymoo22 It does this stuff because it is a dog. You could get it seen by an animal behaviourist but you said:
> 
> 
> Then I would suggest that it is you who would benefit from professional help. Your reactions, as you describe them, are out of all proportion, massive, huge and toxic. Toxic to you, I mean.
> ...


I appreciate you assuring you aren't trying to be spiteful. Actually, funny you mention it, I have started seeing professional help. It's only been 4 sessions, so I've only JUST started. But I mentioned this whole thing on my first day. I'm really hoping I could reframe my thoughts so that I am not so damn neurotic. But, this could take a really long time to work through. It's not easy.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I guess my first question is, why did you get a shepherd breed? Since you're in the business, surely you knew that's a herding dog and they need to be and stay busy?

I get that you exercise her regularly but obviously it's not enough. Also, your training hasn't worked.

If it were me, before I called it a day, I would move heaven and earth to get a professional trainer on board. My dog is a member of my family. I can't imagine giving her away because she smelled weird,licked too much, or wasn't appropriately trained.

I'm really sad for your dog. She's likely not going to get adopted because of her advanced age, unless you know someone who will take her outright.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@Anonymoo22

I'm not saying this to be harsh or "make" you feel anything--that's up to you to decide what you are going to feel. But your dog is being canine. Some dogs...many dogs...just do require a lot of activity and interaction. When a dog that requires activity and mental stimulation does not get what they require, they do become high-strung and anxious. You'll see canine anxiety in actions such as racing around "full speed" and being hyper, jumping up, and excessive paw licking. Thus, my guess is that you were hoping for a dog that was mellow and didn't need much physical and mental stimulation, and you got a dog that just needs to be a dog. 

You say that you work in the animal welfare industry. As much as it may make you feel guilty, I personally think you are doing this dog a disservice to keep her, because you can not give what she needs. It does not make you a bad person to just admit that you and this particular breed of dog may not be a good fit. 

As an example, when I lived on a farm, we had a border collie for a dog, and she was as smart as I was! She could learn a million tricks, she could untie knots and open gates and doors, and we taught her how to round up animals--and she could distinguish between a cow and a sheep. To have her in an apartment in the city would have been bad FOR HER if there wasn't room for her to run, activities for her to do, and time spent directly with her on a daily basis--but life on a farm was a good fit FOR HER because there was lots of running, playing, "obstacle courses", tricks she could learn, and jobs to do. See? Just a match. 

Another example, I had a maltese dog for almost 20 years. I don't love ankle-biters but he came into my life--he needed a home and I needed a companion. Well, maltese pick one person and are ULTRA loyal to that one. He literally was at my feet or at my side all the time. He wasn't hyper. He wasn't very smart really. But his breed is one that if he wasn't with me, he would sit at the door and cry until I came home. And when I was home, he acted like I was a goddess. We had him in the suburbs, in a small house with a nice back yard and a park beyond the backyard. FOR HIM that was okay because he was small, he could be by me, he had some neighborhood dog-friends, and that was all he needed. He would have been overwhelmed on a farm. See? Just a match. 

This dog is not a match for you. This dog probably wants to please you because you are the pack leader, but it just is not a good match. That doesn't mean ALL dogs would be a bad match for you...but this one is. Please love the dog more and find her a home that fits her needs. Don't give her to a dog-pound (that's not necessary)--just find a good match for her or a no-kill shelter for her specific breed (if she's purebred). She may be sad for a moment, for you would be doing what is the most loving thing by letting her be in a place that fits her, and with people that fit her.

I might also recommend that you consider not becoming a dog owner. I am not sure that "getting some other breed" would really do the trick here. I agree with @lucy999 that agreeing to become a dog owner is like agreeing to add a member to the family--there is a certain level of commitment involved. It sounds like at this time you aren't really cut out for committing to a canine member of the family for life... so until you get that worked out (if ever) I wouldn't just get another dog. It's not fair to you or the dog.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Anonymoo22 said:


> I've been with my husband for 11 years, married for 6 years. No kids currently. When we were engaged, we got a dog. We'd talked about getting one. We both grew up with dogs, so naturally, we wanted one of our own.
> 
> Six years ago I brought home our estimated 1 year old, 45 pound, female shepherd mix from the shelter, and thought this was the beginning of a beautiful family.
> 
> ...


I too work in animal welfare, I run my own dog rescue. I cannot fathom how you, with the knowledge you must have about dogs, would get a shepherd cross?? Your dog sounds absolutely beautiful, a real sweetie. Everything she's doing is normal for her.

Training isn't worth anything if it's not consistent and ongoing. All of her issues are on you. How regular is this exercise she gets? A long bike ride once a week isn't enough. She needs that every day. That's the reality of a shepherd. Again, you should have known this.

You need to rehome that beautiful, sweet girl to a loving home asap.


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

Honestly, I feel for your dog.

I recommend rehoming to a place where the dog will actually be loved.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Rehome the dog...get a cat...or a gerbil...or perhaps a cactus.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

@Anonymoo22 I am a dog person, my whole family is, I would love your dog. However, it appears there are a few issues here

1. you see animal welfare as a job you do, and your brought your job home with you and now resent the job. Granted she has behavioural issues with the licking etc but nothing that a trainer cannot fix. If you are in animal welfare surely you have contacts that can help you without having to pay too much?
2. I think you have to let her be re-homed so that she can get the love she deserves from a family that appreciates her.
3. Do your yourself have any issues with OCD, constantly cleaning up after a dog seems excessive, dogs are messy and if you have one or two then the meticulous house is just not going to happen if they are allowed in. 
How old are you? You sound young. Will you have kids? Kids can be even more difficult, something for you to think about.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Anonymoo22,

How much activity does your dog get on a daily or weekly basis?

Have you tried using something like Bitter Apple to stop her from licking hands, arms, etc.?]

What does your husband think about the dog? Does he like the dog? Does he consider her to be the big problem that you do?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Anonymoo22 said:


> Alright, I sense the anger. I get it. Maybe I deserve it. But, I didn't mention I have two parrots that I absolutely adore and have no issues with because it didn't seem relevant. I also didn't mention that I* work in animal welfare and have devoted my life to helping animals (includes both domesticated animals as well as exotic animals and wildlife*), so I do a whole lot more for animals on a daily basis than the average person.


How much of your animal welfare work as been with dogs?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Anonymoo22 said:


> My husband and I have talked about this. Honestly, I think I would fail dog number 2 as well. I think it would add more chaos to the situation. If we got another dog, and it made things worse, which we feel is much more likely than making it better, then it's not worth the risk. I don't think I am meant to be a dog owner. It wouldn't be fair to dog #2. Dog #2 deserves better than me.


Then you need to stuff your guilt and do what is best for the dog - rehome her. The sooner the better for all concerned. Good luck.


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## Anonymoo22 (May 28, 2020)

Wow, lots of responses. 

First off, I want to thank all of you for reading my long post. I genuinely appreciate you guys taking the time to read it. 

To answer a few common questions:

The bike routine is daily. Sometimes we skip a day if it's raining, but it's every single day. 

She doesn't look like a shepherd mix, we only discovered that was a prominently shepherd through a DNA test we did. But I hear what you are saying. 

My experience in animal welfare is part of why this was a shock to us both. I would never have imagined feeling this way considering I work with animals (yes, lots of dogs) every day. I love my work so much. I can't see myself in any other field. And I know what it entails to own a dog. I grew up with them too. If I knew this about myself, I would have never, ever gotten a dog. That's not fair for the dog. 

So after reading all your comments, I'm going to seek out a consultation (maybe several) with a professional dog trainer(s). I'll figure out how to pay for it, but consultations are often free and that's a good place to start.

I myself am going to therapy too. I'm in the beginning stages, and it's my first time doing this, but one of the issues I brought up on my very first day with my therapist is my issues with my dog. Especially since it never used to be this way. 

If for some reason it still comes down to rehoming her, it would never be with a shelter. Not even a no-kill shelter. No shelters, period. I have my means of networking to screen and select the perfect household for her with no terrifying in-between place like a shelter. 

But, I am aiming for this not to even happen. 

I'd like to take this time to once again thank you for your comments. Though many were a bit harsh, I can appreciate the passion coming from your words in defense of my dog.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

A dog trainer does not actually train the dog - they train the owner to learn how to work with the dog. Good luck.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Personally, I think you should drop the guilt and rehome her. You know your home isn't a good fit for her and that is OK. The most loving thing you can do is find her a home that is a better fit. Use those animal welfare connections to your benefit...I'm sure they have a process to help find a new home for her. They could surely do a foster for her in a different home while waiting to find her a new owner? That way you wouldn't have to worry about her being in a shelter. 

You've learned an important lesson about yourself here and let that guide you in the future. Dogs are not a good fit for your needs/wants and that is fine. It is more cruel to keep her out of some misguided sense of duty than to find her a place where she will be happier. 

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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Don't have children.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

It is really weird how that dog got to you. I hope therapy helps. it seems that this dog would be perfect for family with small children, they would get him tired


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## Anonymoo22 (May 28, 2020)

A quick update on how things are going:

So after reading all your words and letting myself feel the emotions you intended me to feel when you wrote your responses (because I genuinely deserved to feel as badly as some of you made me feel, and I thank you for not going easy on me), it allowed for a bit of a wake up call. 

Here are a few things I've done:

I had a conversation with my husband about consulting with a professional trainer before we put any more thought into rehoming her. Many consultations are free, and that is a good place to at least start. This isn't just for the dog's sake, but for my own. I want to be trained how to respond to my dog. I also want to learn the tools to properly teach my dog the things like not jumping, and ways to encourage calmer responses. But mostly, I want to work on me with this endeavor. There are so many things I have yet to try that I don't know about that could improve my relationship with her.

I started taking her on solo walks with me. Just her and I. I want to give her the me-time she wants, and am looking to strengthen our bond so that the petty things bother me less. 

I am taking over bathing duties 100 % (we normally both do it taking turns more or less, just depended on our schedule and such) to have more one on one time for us. 

I bought her a present 

My next therapy session is going to be all about her. I don't care what my therapist has planned (we are currently working on grief counseling for a loss I am dealing with, but we can do that next week instead), this week I want to talk about this and only this. 

I looked up lots of DIY and natural ways to get rid of dog odors and am trying them out. I feel dumb for never using baking soda in my laundry.

And no, none of this was thought of or suggested by my husband. This came from me. He doesn't even know I posted anything on a forum.

These are the steps I am taking to fix the problems I have created. I feel good about this, and where this can lead us. This forum experience, though painful, was kind of like a type of exposure therapy, where I was exposed to the judgement I feared. I needed to hear it, now I can build from this. 

Thanks again.


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

Did you take the nature of the dog breed into account? Shepherds are energetic, they herd, they jump. Asking a dog with this nature to NOT be who it is really isnt fair. At all.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Anonymoo22 said:


> A quick update on how things are going:
> 
> So after reading all your words and letting myself feel the emotions you intended me to feel when you wrote your responses (because I genuinely deserved to feel as badly as some of you made me feel, and I thank you for not going easy on me), it allowed for a bit of a wake up call.
> 
> ...


Good for you. I hope it all works out the best for everybody. Dog included.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Anonymoo22 said:


> A quick update on how things are going:
> 
> So after reading all your words and letting myself feel the emotions you intended me to feel when you wrote your responses (because I genuinely deserved to feel as badly as some of you made me feel, and I thank you for not going easy on me), it allowed for a bit of a wake up call.
> 
> ...


This is all very good to hear. Keep us posted. We love to hear about successes!

You might want to check out YouTube as well. There are a lot of dog training videos. I'm finding them very helpful in training my new puppy. Here's some links... 



















It's Me or the Dog


Welcome to 'It's Me or the Dog', the one-stop-shop for any dog lover, whether you're looking for advice for your own troublesome pup or just want to watch so...




www.youtube.com













McCann Dog Training


At McCann Professional Dog Trainers, we train more than 500 dogs every week to become well-behaved family members. On the McCann Professional Dog Training ch...




www.youtube.com


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I can empathize with you on this. When I bought my house, One of the first things I wanted to do was to adopt a dog. I’ve had dogs most of my life, and was excited to get one from a big local shelter that I like to support. My daughter and I chose her because she was happy and seemed to just love people. 

I expected issues since she was from a shelter and was around 5 years old. They did not have any information on her history. So when she pulled down my bedroom blinds, or jumped up with her front feet on my end tables, I understood. She didn’t know. We adopted a kitten from the same shelter about six months later and she did great with her. But the dog was neurotic. My house is completely quiet and zen, but she would pace circles, panting heavily, all evening long. The FB messenger ding on my cell phone would send her into a tizzy. She was scared of thunderstorms and would shred my shower liner scrambling into the bathtub. She completely stressed me out all the time when I was home. A trainer friend of mine suggested trying some melatonin, when I was explaining to her what was going on and was thinking about putting her on Prozac. So I tried it and it actually helped some. She wasn’t so tense, and the constant pacing and panting almost stopped altogether. 

About two years into owning her, I took in my parents dog after they both had passed away. And the difference was amazing, she was so much more at peace and calm. Sadly though just over a year after taking the other dog in, I had to have her put down. She was elderly and went into seizures that she never came out of. My first dog lost her mind. She destroyed her kennel, so I could no longer crate her. The pacing got worse and the tub thing and storms put her over the edge. Tried having her stay outside most of the time, and she started eating my patio furniture. Busted through a screen, scratched up my door. There were other incidents that I can’t remember too. Last straw happened when we had a storm while I was at work... my 60 pound dog decided she was going to go into the basement through the tiny cat door, and completely destroyed my door. 

She made me miserable. She wasn’t happy either. It was constant stress in my house. And after having to put down the other dog, and then dealing with all of her issues, I knew I would not be able to handle a second dog, which is what I truly thought she needed. I was dogged out. I tried on my own to find her a new home, but my best prospect ended up falling through. So I sucked it up and returned her to the shelter I adopted her from. (Which is their protocol, but they weren’t too nice about it) I had her three and a half years and felt like a horrible monster taking her back, but neither of us were happy. I explained her issues to them, and that she needed another dog in her home, and she needed somebody who was home most of the time. I really hope they were able to find her a good home where she is happy. At this point, I may never get another dog, which is something I’d never thought I’d feel, as I had alway been a dog person. We still have our cat and I really enjoy her... I will for sure get another cat when this one leaves with my daughter when she moves out. (I got the kitty for her, so where she goes the cat goes lol)

I applaud your efforts to make things work with your sweet girl. 


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> A dog trainer does not actually train the dog - they train the owner to learn how to work with the dog. Good luck.


Absolutely right. My dog trainer told me once it's not the dogs that need training its the people!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

aine said:


> Blondilocks said:
> 
> 
> > A dog trainer does not actually train the dog - they train the owner to learn how to work with the dog. Good luck.
> ...


This is true but only to a point. There are some dogs that have been through a lot of bad thing in their life. There are also dogs who basically have mental health issues that are genetic.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Yeswecan said:



Don't have children.

Click to expand...

*And don't get any more dogs, either.

As someone else mentioned, get a cactus.


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## Anonymoo22 (May 28, 2020)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> And don't get any more dogs, either.
> 
> As someone else mentioned, get a cactus.


Did you at least read my update before you wrote this? 



aine said:


> Absolutely right. My dog trainer told me once it's not the dogs that need training its the people!


Right, and that is precisely what I'm looking for. I'm not looking for someone to train my dog for me. I want to be taught how to act, respond to, teach, and work with my dog. I'm the one that wants to be trained. 



3Xnocharm said:


> I applaud your efforts to make things work with your sweet girl.


Thank you for sharing your story with me. I know the bravery it took for you to write that. I appreciated when you said you were just "dogged out". That was exactly my feelings. All the things I listed that I hated were things I've always experienced at work and at home growing up with dogs that NEVER used to bother me. These negative feelings were so out of nowhere and unexpected. 

My dog also freaks out during thunderstorms, destroys crates in a panic, and has, on many occasions, completely destroyed my home in a panic (it hasn't happened in years, but it used to be an issue). I felt like you were writing about my first 2 years with my dog haha.

I think you worked really hard to make it work, but one can only sacrifice so much. You were very clear in making sure they were informed on what kind of a family needed to adopt her. You gave her the best possible chance. 

And to the others that have shown me support, thank you. It means so much more than you know.

As for an update with my dog:

I'm continuing the new routine that I mentioned in an earlier post. She is in heaven about it which is clearly noted in this new spring in her step. I focus on that spring in her step any time she annoys me because that is really important to pay attention to; her happiness. I'm also working on using grounding techniques and cognitive behavioral therapy to change the way I respond to the things that annoy me. 

I've watched the youtube videos and such that some of you have sent me on training. I haven't yet reached out to a professional trainer. One thing at a time and things are going in a positive direction regardless. 

----

At this point, I hope I could hear more supportive responses. While I needed to hear the negative ones before (and totally understand why you felt that way), now they are actually starting to affect me negatively, which does not help my situation. 

I am trying. Genuinely. Wholeheartedly. 

And I want to be able to continue to come here to seek support since this is the place that I have come to be open about it with. It took a lot of courage to come here at all. But I will stop if any negativity threatens to damage any mental progress I make. That's not fair for me or for my dog. (There hasn't been that much, but I'm just saying for the future.)

I look forward to checking this thread again soon


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

If you can get a handle on this, I think you will be amply rewarded. Her love and devotion to you will truly touch your heart. It should also make your marriage more pleasant. Keep up the good work.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Anonymoo22 said:


> Alright, I sense the anger. I get it. Maybe I deserve it. But, I didn't mention I have two parrots that I absolutely adore and have no issues with because it didn't seem relevant. I also didn't mention that I work in animal welfare and have devoted my life to helping animals (includes both domesticated animals as well as exotic animals and wildlife), so I do a whole lot more for animals on a daily basis than the average person. So, passive aggressive comments like the stuffed owl bit are only said to make you feel better, not me. I came here in hopes for a respectful discussion.
> 
> Otherwise, I hear what you're saying. Though her energy towards/with me isn't different from that with anyone else. She is pretty much cray cray with everyone. It's a part of who she is. She is a true dog person's dream. I just can't not be negatively effected by it, and it's resulted in incredible self loathing. But if I hated the dog, or didn't give two Fs about her, I would be able to re-home her without any remorse. That is not the case. I'm having an incredibly hard time coming to terms with it.


If she's licking till she bleeds, get her to a vet to find out her allergies or what she has anxiety about.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Anonymoo22 said:


> *At this point, I hope I could hear more supportive responses. While I needed to hear the negative ones before (and totally understand why you felt that way), now they are actually starting to affect me negatively, which does not help my situation*.
> 
> I am trying. Genuinely. Wholeheartedly.
> 
> ...


Be aware that people will be harsh due to the fact that the animal is helpless in this situation.
She is a a dog.
Many will not be easy on you for being upset the dog acts like a dog.. Especially when you make sure every knows you deal in animal welfare.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Anonymoo22 said:


> At this point, I hope I could hear more supportive responses. While I needed to hear the negative ones before (and totally understand why you felt that way), now they are actually starting to affect me negatively, which does not help my situation.
> 
> I am trying. Genuinely. Wholeheartedly.
> 
> ...


When you read posts, keep in mind that many people will only read the first post or the first few so they will not know how far you have come in a short time in solving this. So if you see a post that seems a harsh, just take what might be helpful and ignore the rest.

There are plenty here who will be more than happy to give you good support.

I'm so glad to hear that you and your dog are doing better.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

This is a great update OP! Well done!

It will be so worth it for both you and your sweet dog


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## tephros (May 24, 2020)

Anonymoo22 said:


> I've been with my husband for 11 years, married for 6 years. No kids currently. When we were engaged, we got a dog. We'd talked about getting one. We both grew up with dogs, so naturally, we wanted one of our own.
> 
> Six years ago I brought home our estimated 1 year old, 45 pound, female shepherd mix from the shelter, and thought this was the beginning of a beautiful family.
> 
> ...


Don't feel too bad. A dog like that is just not for everybody and it's totally reasonable for you to be true to what you want and your husband to (albeit with some pain) prioritize your feelings over having this particular dog. This is coming from somebody is definitely a dog person and currently misses having a dog.
And on the bright side, a dog like that probably could bond well with a new family. It's not like trying to take a nervous chihuahua who fears everybody except his owner and rehoming him.

From what you've described, perhaps a (nice) cat really would be better for you, but there are dogs out there that act more like what you prefer and maybe your husband would like. Breeds have tendencies, and even within breeds dogs are individuals, so choose carefully if you choose to have another pet. Most elements of their personalities are there from when they are puppies, it seemed to me growing up with dozens of dogs.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tephros said:


> Don't feel too bad. A dog like that is just not for everybody and it's totally reasonable for you to be true to what you want and your husband to (albeit with some pain) prioritize your feelings over having this particular dog. This is coming from somebody is definitely a dog person and currently misses having a dog.
> And on the bright side, a dog like that probably could bond well with a new family. It's not like trying to take a nervous chihuahua who fears everybody except his owner and rehoming him.
> 
> From what you've described, perhaps a (nice) cat really would be better for you, but there are dogs out there that act more like what you prefer and maybe your husband would like. Breeds have tendencies, and even within breeds dogs are individuals, so choose carefully if you choose to have another pet. Most elements of their personalities are there from when they are puppies, it seemed to me growing up with dozens of dogs.


You might want to read @*Anonymoo22's *other posts/updates. She's making very good progress in bonding with her dog and training the dog.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Props AMoo22... for taking in some different perspectives and applying different actions.

It's great to read your updates.


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