# Husband and Lack of Providing, now Baby



## MrsPotter (Mar 7, 2013)

Good Day Lovelies;

I am writing regarding a decision I have pretty much made, but am in need to complete understand of whether I am wrong or right about it.

My Husband has not worked in over a year, and just picked up a job delivering newpapers to have some finances coming in. Of course, with the announcement of our pregnancy, and me being the sole provider (paying rent, bills, etc; alone), it was evident me working would come to a stop for a period of atleast three months or longer (like I would like to finish my PHd). Over the course of marital issues, in brief, past problems that keep resurfacing on his behalf that I have did. Arguing over problems that occured over a year and I had began to feel as though....His focus on me and his inability to forgive me and move forward, which he evidently has because we married and are starting a family together, but bringing it up over and over and over again, pushed me to the point of if he cannot get past it and stop stressing me about it, then I am leaving. And here is where I am coming from.

His job will not put him in a position to be a Provider, not for a new born and Wife. Let alone, it is not enough to pay a bill not even half of rent without us starving. I am a good woman, to him and always show him I love him. But the reality is, I have made the decision that, if he cannot pay July rent or even August rent, I will be on the first flight to comfort, with my Mother. And as much as I do not want to do this, because I have beleived in him and stuck by him. I cannot put my child at jeopardy with this. I have plans to terminate the lease (in my name) for medical reasons, and move home so that I can tend to our child without having to worry about a roof over our heads. Am I wrong for having chose to do this if nothing changes? 

My Husband has not provided and if he is still not providing by then, this is the next best thing to do. Unfortunately the move will be 1300 miles away, but he does have the option of coming with us. He offered to move us in with his Mother, but I just cannot do this because I believe this will only handicap him even more. And plus his Mother has three in her household already, and three more would total six people (including the baby). It's too much for me. My Mother lives alone with her dog in a four bedroom house. 

I have told my Husband, that if he does not get it together and start providing like we need him too (this was in January 2012). I will move in with my Mother so he can focus on what he truly wants. Because his responsibility of being a Husband is evidently not a priority.

Need serious feedback.

Have a wonderful and peace day, and speak with love.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

STBXH quit his last job making more than $50,000 in 2009, and has refused to work since. While he had HUGE problems, his lies about even trying to find a job and help provide for his family made my decision easier. I just wish I hadn't put my children through so much while I was trying to end it.
I'd be packed on July 1st. Do not wait until July.
You've given him the time frame, which is reasonable. The ball is in his court.


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## relationshipsguide_gal (Apr 6, 2013)

Hi, to be fair with your husband, is there something that's bothering him why he is not getting any jobs or why it's difficult for him to do so? I think you should give him a chance. Split your bills equally and to be more practical, move to your mother's house WITH HIM and the new baby. If he's willing to change or help out then he deserves one more chance, just one though, and he shouldn't spoil it. PS: Encourage him. Don't pressure him  Hope it helps. - mae


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How long have you been married?

C


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## greenbutterfly (Apr 22, 2013)

Yes, it's a difficult choice. In other side you dont want to be hard to him. But, if a husband can't be a provider to his family, wife can give less respect to him. I think if you really able to leave him to your mother's house.... Worth to try.

I have similar problem, and i also confused about it though..


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I would move now. If he wants to come he can but I'd make it conditional on him gaining employment ASAP.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

I'm not sure that, as a legal matter, you can just move thousands of miles away and effectively ending his daily involvement in your child's life.

I do know that (at least in California) any separation action carries an automatic restraining order against taking the child out of state. I'd be very leery of doing what you propose (taking the child across state lines knowing you don't intend to come back).

Strictly speaking to the legal aspect of this issue, you don't want to find yourself in a situation where you move, and your STBX files suit to compel you to go back to his state while you have to fight the impression you acted improperly or maliciously.

See a lawyer first. I'd be very surprised if you were told you are free to do what you want (unless you intend to do something shady like deny he is the father of the child).


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Mrs. Potter, you are better off moving to your mother's house. Your loser husband has not been a productive wage earner in a long time, and at his age, the chances that he will be responsible are 1% or less. Do your baby and yourself a favor and move on with your life. You made a huge mistake even being involved with a loser, a man that cannot afford a family. For the next time, only date men that are marriage material. I wish you and your baby the very best.


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