# Aging and sex priorities - need older male advice



## male (Sep 11, 2012)

I'm a young and and am wondering how things will pan out as I age from a sexual desire perspective. I have a 2 questions:

As men age, does the pursuit of sex continue to influence their behaviour toward attractive women as much as it does when they are young?
Do all men interact with attractive women in a way that promotes themselves as a sexual partner even as they get older (consciously or subconsciously)?

I've been observing older men behaviors (married or not) for some time and notice that, like young men, many are drawn to young, phyiscally attractive women. I would hope that it becomes much less of a focus as I age, but can't predict the future and was hoping to get some thoughts from older men in the forum.

Thanks


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## male (Sep 11, 2012)

*Aging and sex priorities - need female advice*

I'm a young male and and am wondering how things will pan out as I age from a sexual desire perspective. I have a 2 questions:

As men age, does the pursuit of sex continue to influence their behaviour toward attractive women as much as it does when they are young?
Do all men interact with attractive women in a way that promotes themselves as a sexual partner even as they get older (consciously or subconsciously)?

I've been observing older men behaviors (married or not) for some time and notice that, like young men, many are drawn to young, phyiscally attractive women. I would hope that it becomes much less of a focus as I age, but can't predict the future and was hoping to get some thoughts from women of all ages and their observations/thoughts on men.

Thanks


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

male said:


> I'm a young and and am wondering how things will pan out as I age from a sexual desire perspective. I have a 2 questions:
> 
> As men age, does the pursuit of sex continue to influence their behaviour toward attractive women as much as it does when they are young?
> Do all men interact with attractive women in a way that promotes themselves as a sexual partner even as they get older (consciously or subconsciously
> ...


Interesting question.

I come from a large family with many brothers. 

Some seem to be forever attracted to young women who are somewhat out of their league physically. Maybe for them it's an ego thing, and hope springs eternal.

Some of my brothers who are more attractive seem less attracted to young woman even though those women act attracted to them. 

I think it has more to do with intellect than age.

The more intelligent both attractive and average in looks, think a woman that is too much younger is nothing but trouble. 

Even very wealthy men married to young wives often end up cuckolded by them. 

Just my perspective based on being surrounded by brothers.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I don't think any normal guy, young or old, isn't attracted to a younger, beautiful woman. I think it is hard-wired.

But I guess I need to understand what you mean by "attracted to". If I were looking for another partner at my age (59), I'd be looking for someone mature and who knows what they want. Looks would be secondary. I'd still want a sexual relationship but an intelligent, confident woman is sexy to me.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I'm going to guess that you will get more ladies chiming in on this one, than older gentlemen.

Reason being that older gentlemen (such as myself, are wise enough not to step in such a mine field of a question) 

Short answer; does age influence our behavior on how we choose to interact with potential sexual partners?

Yes. Hopefully, but not always, we are smarter and more refined in how we approach such an interaction.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

well when i was young I thought they were attracted to the buldge in the front of my pants now that i am older its the buldge in the wallet


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

The pursuit of sex was never a singular goal that for me. I pursue life and adventure more and that is what defines me. So I never really ever promoted myself as a sexual partner to anyone other than the few women I have become serious and exclusive with. Not all men are gamers despite the popular notion.

Everybody likes an attractive person old or young. I'm still not very old (50) though but for me that certainly hasn't changed. And as far as sex with my wife, I am certainly HD and that hasn't changed for over 20 years.

So to answer your question, for me it is the same as it was when I was young.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

male said:


> I'm a young and and am wondering how things will pan out as I age from a sexual desire perspective. I have a 2 questions:
> 
> As men age, does the pursuit of sex continue to influence their behaviour toward attractive women as much as it does when they are young?
> Do all men interact with attractive women in a way that promotes themselves as a sexual partner even as they get older (consciously or subconsciously)?
> ...



You're asking about something that is more mental than physical. 

Will you always enjoy the sight of an attractive young lady? -Yes

When you're old enough to be their father, will you approach and socially engage those ladies? Hopefully not. Few things are more pathetic. 

Hopefully your interest in women will broaden out to where you find a wider age group attractive.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Not sure how old the OP is and who his target audience is, but I am surmising that he is in his 20s and is looking for opinions rom the 40+ crowd. 

For myself, I can honestly say that I feel better than at any point in my life and although I am married and not hawking, I feel confident in my physical appearance. 

When you're younger, you have some bad habits (smoking, drinking, late nights) that wane as you age and settle down. Those things take their toll on you, so it's a great feeling to wake up early on a weekend and have no hangover. 

That goes a long way in how you view yourself and how others view you.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

male said:


> I'm a young and and am wondering how things will pan out as I age from a sexual desire perspective. I have a 2 questions:
> 
> As men age, does the pursuit of sex continue to influence their behaviour toward attractive women as much as it does when they are young?
> Just as much? Not me. I still find the same women attractive though. One difference is my hormones are not raging and I'm not so hot tempered, jealous, or a chest thumping caveman now. Add to that, I am happy being my wife's husband. Maybe that's part of this equation and I just think age is the main factor.
> ...


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

*Re: Aging and sex priorities - need female advice*

Men will always be attracted to youth and beauty. They're simply programmed that way. 

I've had my share of older men hit on me. Some act the same way as men my age. Some are much more mature and gentleman-like. Some act creepy. But at the end of the day, most men are attracted to young flesh. How they act on it is based on the individual.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

male said:


> I'm a young and and am wondering how things will pan out as I age from a sexual desire perspective. I have a 2 questions:
> 
> As men age, does the pursuit of sex continue to influence their behaviour toward attractive women as much as it does when they are young?
> Do all men interact with attractive women in a way that promotes themselves as a sexual partner even as they get older (consciously or subconsciously)?
> ...


As a 63 year old I wonder why on earth you are concerned about such a thing? Why are you observing the behaviours of older men? What are you getting out of it? For me it seems a really weird thing to do. As a younger man I was far more concerned with my career, being the provider, supporting and loving my family etc. etc. 


As a younger man you should be working hard and playing hard, keeping free of debt and building your future and retirement fund, To be concerned about something as trivial as how you are going to think and feel about young physically attractive women when you are older just seems plain weird to me.


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

I find older women attractive too. As I have aged (mid thirties) I have found I am attracted to more mature women too. I appreciate the beauty of youth e.g. 21 year old women, but I wouldn't emotionally want to get involved with them because what I want today is not what I wanted back then (and the same probably applies to a 50+ women I think is attractive, she probably doesn't want a relationship 30ish guy).

So sexual attraction, lust and curiosity continues, I think, regardless of the age, but what you really want for your long term interest changes. I am exploring that currently.


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

AFEH said:


> As a 63 year old I wonder why on earth you are concerned about such a thing? Why are you observing the behaviours of older men? What are you getting out of it? For me it seems a really weird thing to do. As a younger man I was far more concerned with my career, being the provider, supporting and loving my family etc. etc.
> 
> 
> As a younger man you should be working hard and playing hard, keeping free of debt and building your future and retirement fund, To be concerned about something as trivial as how you are going to think and feel about young physically attractive women when you are older just seems plain weird to me.


I just wanted to say I appreciate reading your view, although I think the OP question makes sense to ask and I have wondered myself.  I think it shows wisdom to try to learn from one's superiors in age and experience. 

The issue for me (not wishing to distract from the OP) is that don't you feel the same lust for women now at 63 as you did as a young man of 33, similar to how you describe your life above? If so how do you deal with the decision you made?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Henri said:


> I just wanted to say I appreciate reading your view, although I think the OP question makes sense to ask and I have wondered myself.  I think it shows wisdom to try to learn from one's superiors in age and experience.
> 
> The issue for me (not wishing to distract from the OP) is that don't you feel the same lust for women now at 63 as you did as a young man of 33, similar to how you describe your life above? If so how do you deal with the decision you made?


The OP has actually searched the internet to find a forum such as TAM to ask his question. So it must be seriously playing on his mind, taking up his time and energy. Why?

If he seriously wants advice from older men then this one says don’t be concerned about such triviality about something that may or may not happen way out in the future.

As a young man there are many many more things to be concerned about. Unless of course he already has the love of his life, his family, has a fantastic career and more than enough income to cover his costs, doesn’t have any money worries whatsoever, is already guaranteed a comfortable living when he retires etc. etc.


As a 63 year old I’m one man who from the age of eighteen was a good enough provider, lucky enough and blessed enough to have fallen in love with a woman who provided me with all the sex, passion and desire any man has any right to expect out of their life right up to the age of sixty when we separated.


I didn’t get that by being even remotely concerned about how I was going to be thinking and feeling about young attractive women when I’m in my 60s! I was very much more concerned about how I was going to be attractive to young attractive women when I was a young man and how I was going to win the love of my life.


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## male (Sep 11, 2012)

Thanks everyone, this is really helpful and I appreciate the honesty. It sounds like sexual attraction will be a constant and present reality. It's comforting to hear that focuses and priorities can and do shift as you age regardless of the influence of sexual attraction. This bodes well for any of us younger guys who want to have a lasting and fulfilling marriage even as our sexual attraction toward our partner changes over time. It's hard to watch some older couples walking around and seeing the older man check out younger attractive women while their wives remain oblivious (or careless).

I guess I'm not totally sure why this bothers me just yet and am still processing. I think a marriage includes (and needs) a healthy sex life and if your thoughts wander too much (purposefully or not) perhaps it can take away from the health of your sexual relationship with your wife. No?

Maybe I'm just naive and the attraction of young beautiful women impacts all guys. But it sounds like what is important does/can shift and that is a really positive message to hear - particularly if you want a solid marriage.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

male said:


> I'm a young and and am wondering how things will pan out as I age from a sexual desire perspective. I have a 2 questions:
> 
> As men age, does the pursuit of sex continue to influence their behaviour toward attractive women as much as it does when they are young?
> Do all men interact with attractive women in a way that promotes themselves as a sexual partner even as they get older (consciously or subconsciously)?
> ...


Well, I'm 49. I don't know if you consider that older...some do. My divorce is not yet final but I do notice women that I am attracted to. Because of my age I have learned a lot about who I am and what I am looking for in a woman. However I, like most people, notice what they see first. Attraction, youth, vitality are always going to be noticed but there are 2 different types of attraction...physical and mental. 

I am still physically attracted to women that are 15 to 20 years younger then me but I realize that is just physical so I honestly would not pursue them because chance are they are in a different stage of life then me and I am probably not what they are looking for anyway. That's just being realistic. 

I am attracted to women that are closer to my age...but still a bit younger (within 10 years). But, I have noticed that many women (and men) my age do not take care of themselves or have let themselves go physically as they get older. Ideally I would like to be with someone who makes me feel younger in some way. I do work out, eat right and stay in good shape. People are shocked when they find out my age. I look and feel much younger. I would be attracted to someone like myself in that respect. So yes, someone like that would influence my behavior.

As far as promoting myself as a sexual partner after my divorce is final...yes, I will. I am still a very sexual man. I have always had a high sex drive and I don't foresee that changing anytime soon. To me, sex is important part of life and I am not ready to let it go anytime soon. 

However, I am not looking for just sex like I did when I was younger. I am looking much more now. I'm looking for a friend, partner, an emotional bond..a connection. I am mature enough to understand that I need a lot more then just sex and sex without a bond is somewhat empty. I will not waste my time in pursuit of only that.

If that makes me old...then I'm old.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

male said:


> I think a marriage includes (and needs) a healthy sex life and if your thoughts wander too much (purposefully or not) perhaps it can take away from the health of your sexual relationship with your wife. No?


My husband and I are 46 and have been married for 21 years. We have a healthy sex life, I look good for my age and while I'm aware he looks at other women (I'm not stupid) he always comes home to me.

From what I've read on TAM and learned from other men if men are satisfied at home (think his needs her needs) thoughts don't take away from our marriage. Each of us provides the outlet for those thoughts. We stay connected and that negates anything better either of us could find out there.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> My husband and I are 46 and have been married for 21 years. We have a healthy sex life, I look good for my age and while I'm aware he looks at other women (I'm not stupid) he always comes home to me.
> 
> From what I've read on TAM and learned from other men if men are satisfied at home (think his needs her needs) thoughts don't take away from our marriage. Each of us provides the outlet for those thoughts. We stay connected and that negates anything better either of us could find out there.


I agree Mavash. Also there a myth that men don't care about emotional intimacy. True we don't think we do.

I read His Needs / Her needs and realized I was not doing a good job of letting my wife know I love her in that regard. I thought I was making this change for her. New flash, It's awesome guys. I love it that we talk everyday on lunch break; that we don't set on opposite ends of the couch anymore; that we hold hands in public.

It feels like a new marriage. She wants sex more than I need it now too. That wasn't really a problem before anyway though.


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

I am 42 and I still look at young chicks. I don't act on it and I am totally faithful to my wife.


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

tonyarz said:


> I am 42 and I still look at young chicks. I don't act on it and I am totally faithful to my wife.


I think a question pretty much a question in line with the OP would be "Will we be looking at young women all our lives?". What do you think Tony?


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

yeah. I think I will always look. I will never act on it though. When the wife are in Vegas there are hotties everywhere. lol. At the same time I don't care if my wife looks at a man either.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

I believe that a woman's prime is early to mid 40's. I'm 52 and women in their 20's and 30's do little for me except to be eye candy, but if I were single now, I'd not be tempted to date any of them. Until a woman is 40 ish, she is immature, uninteresting, not read enough, not traveled enough. Heck, if I were 23 today, I'd be going after the MILF type ladies ;-). Ok, maybe I didn't answer your question, sorry.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I'm 44 and happily married but if I were single I would chase younger women as well as women my age. A good woman at 25, 35, or 45 is a good woman. I would not let lust cloud my judgment on that however (if single) I would likely marry someone young for the following reason.

I'd love to have 3-4 more children. I feel so much sadness for people to can't have children or who don't have the paternal instinct to want them because it truly was a blessing. I was probably scary to my kids  but they love and respect me now for it.

I think older men make better husbands than younger men do. I know I'm a better husband now than I was 20-25 years ago. There's no wonder young women find older men attractive. I look back on my first marriage and realize that I contributed to our divorce more than I realized then. If for no other reason, we were just not compatible. I don't understand how people get out of a bad marriage and remarry the same personality type again. 

Unless my wife kicks me to the curb then it doesn't matter anyway because I'm planning to grow old with her.


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## c2500 (Aug 17, 2011)

Well I am 44, and have to say that anyone younger than 35 makes for great eye candy. If you actually hear what they say, you realize you are much to old for them. When my divorce is final, I figure I will be in the range of +- 10 years. Sure, th conquest of a youngster would be gratifying, but the wisdom of someone closer in age ould be far more substantial. I currently have my eye on a new neighbor who is slightly older but stunning. And yes, I love sex and miss having it.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I like looking at an attractive woman any age. Generally speaking when a young woman (18-26) opens her mouth and utters a sentence I do not find them attractive any longer.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

male said:


> I'm a young and and am wondering how things will pan out as I age from a sexual desire perspective. I have a 2 questions:
> 
> As men age, does the pursuit of sex continue to influence their behaviour toward attractive women as much as it does when they are young?
> Do all men interact with attractive women in a way that promotes themselves as a sexual partner even as they get older (consciously or subconsciously)?
> ...


Man, what a loaded question. Your question is very broad and quite open-ended. 

I have no idea if what I'm going to say is going to address what you really want to know. 

I've now lived the considerable majority of my expected lifespan. For whatever reason, who I now think is "attractive" is very different from when I was 19 or 20. Out of, say, 50 random females I'd met when I was 20, I thought perhaps 5 were highly attractive and the rest were not. Now I look back and think "wow, I was so terribly picky... It now seems to me that a far greater percentage I'd label as "attractive" now. I have no idea how it's changed, other than for some reason, specific physical attributes are certainly vastly less important.

I had a very, very urgent want to get "laid" that seriously reduced by the time I was 35, in that I was no longer just urgently driven. No more "want it in the morning, at lunch, and after dinner, plus maybe a quickie if I woke up at night" type of obsession. That was a good thing. Trust me on that. Sex without the urgency is much richer. 

And since I"m married, I do not act in "in pursuit of sex" as part of daily life. No, I don't flirt. No, I don't stare. No, I don't "check her out" I may see someone I could lable very attractive while driving down the street, but I won't look in the mirror for a 2nd look and I certainly don't let her hold my attention beyond 2 seconds. 

What parts of this are maturation and what is getting older? I don't know. Certainly my very high drive youth and young adulthood was more of a curse than anything else. You need more in your thoughts than it lets in willingly.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Oh sure, younger women are perky, lack body blemishes, and playful.... but once you are past that, what do your really have? A fairly empty vessel full of unrealized hopes and dreams. When you are young, you too have hopes and dreams and you can more easily journey together. Maturity hones in on those; Older women know what they want out of life and have only ‘gained’ with their experiences... And on the flip side; So do older men. We have probably reached some of our hopes and dreams and have years of life experiences behind us. So, we’ve learned ‘stuff’ the hard way... Things you younger ‘kids’ have yet to experience and won’t take our word for it because “you’ll be different”... Oooh... babies are so cute! (They also excrete vile stuff and smells, and grow up to be selfish little drunken midgets that suck your bank account dry).. We know; “You’ll be different as will your kids you’ve yet to have.”

So lol, why on earth would I invite a ‘repeat’ of this back into my life in any meaningful way? I survived it already. 

So, the biggest ‘turn on’ for me is a older attractive woman... I’m still shallow enough that I appreciate pretty things, but expect more than just looks. Experience is attractive now. It’s easier to talk to a woman about how she deals with a self-righteous twenty year old child than try to talk to that same child in a meaningful way about healthy relationships; Use little words?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

It seems like we're fixated on young women who act immature. That's probably the majority of them but there are some young women who know what they want in a man and there just aren't many young men up to the challenge. At least there is a bigger pool to choose from if they look at a larger range in age.

Now I'm not talking 80 year old with a 25 year old. I'm talking about a women in her mid twenties is often suited well with a man in his forties. At least I've seen it a few times and it always seem like it works out well. He's had time to establish himself and they both can have children and raise them.

I just don't think a 25 woman with 45 year old man is that abnormal or weird. Again my view is from someone not looking to ever re marry.


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> It seems like we're fixated on young women who act immature. That's probably the majority of them but there are some young women who know what they want in a man and there just aren't many young men up to the challenge. At least there is a bigger pool to choose from if they look at a larger range in age.
> 
> Now I'm not talking 80 year old with a 25 year old. I'm talking about a women in her mid twenties is often suited well with a man in his forties. At least I've seen it a few times and it always seem like it works out well. He's had time to establish himself and they both can have children and raise them.
> 
> I just don't think a 25 woman with 45 year old man is that abnormal or weird. Again my view is from someone not looking to ever re marry.


I completely agree. I am 27 and my SO is 40. We've been together 2 years now. I have never been with anyone more responsible, mature and who has treated me this well. Men my age are mostly immature and are looking to get laid. They don't know how to treat women. They are either doormats or players. I am more traditional and am more attracted to men who can lead, and I find men my age are not good at that (too modern?). 

I always chuckle a little when I read responses to these kind of threads. The young girls are always portrayed as immature, gold digging bimbos. I think those kind of assumptions stem from insecurity. 

I am no gold digging bimbo in the least. Nor am I immature. I'm educated with a well paying job. When my SO met me, I was independent, nice apartment, nice furniture, good job, brand new car, etc. I just simply loved how reliable, intelligent, mature and masculine he was. I loved his confidence. I loved how he could take charge. I was tired of men my age running around like chickens with their heads cut off, wanting me to mother them. 

Older men are hot 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

La Rose Noire said:


> I completely agree. I am 27 and my SO is 40. We've been together 2 years now. I have never been with anyone more responsible, mature and who has treated me this well. Men my age are mostly immature and are looking to get laid. They don't know how to treat women. They are either doormats or players. I am more traditional and am more attracted to men who can lead, and I find menu age are not good at that (too modern?).
> 
> I always chuckle a little when I read responses to these kind of threads. The young girls are always portrayed as immature, gold digging bimbos. I think those kind of assumptions stem from insecurity.
> 
> ...


Rose, I tend to think your experience is the norm more than the anomaly. That balance of being a man (in between being a player and a doormat) was pretty hard to nail down for me when I was young. I was one or the other at different times but not solid settled into being a good man.

Don't get me wrong, there are some naive annoying young girls but I don't know how many of them are looking at older guys.


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

I tend to think that's the norm as well, as I know many people in age gap relationships who are similar. 

My SO also admitted he was not a good boyfriend in his 20s at all, and didn't care about serious relationships until his 30s. Of course there are exceptions but I think most men in their 20s are still figuring themselves out the way you and my SO did, Thundarr. I simply am not interested in being a man's guinea pig to be honest. I prefer a man who knows who he is, knows what he wants and says what he means and means what he says. I just think I'm more likely to find those qualities in older men.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

La Rose Noire said:


> I always chuckle a little when I read responses to these kind of threads. The young girls are always portrayed as immature, gold digging bimbos. I think those kind of assumptions stem from insecurity.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's not about being bimbos, it's about being at a different stage in life. 

I get on great with my kids, as kids, but there are a lot of gaps in their life experiences, as well as generational differences, so I can't relate to them in the same way as I relate to my wife.

My wife's body has aged, and if I look at it objectively she was "hotter" in one sense when she was younger (but of course so was I). However, I don't think about that. We have a lifetime of shared experiences and when I look at her I see my perfect best friend and good grief she is soooooooooo sexy. Her body is perfect just as it is because it's her.

Were I to lose her, sure hormonally I would love to go to bed with a twenty-something hottie, but that's pretty short term, and more so as my testosterone retreats. Much more chance of finding deep compatibility with someone around my own age, I think. And I'd rather have sex within that context.

So it's not about 25 year olds being idiots. It is that, in general, their heads may be in a different place. 

You've married someone who works for you, and I'd do the same. I'd judge the relationship by how it functions, not by the numbers on my partner's birth certificate.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

La Rose Noire said:


> I
> 
> Older men are hot
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL! Not all of us. Some of us are boring.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I'm 46 yrs young. I was ruled by my co*k for many years.as I age I find that I am attracted to a womans disposition/attitude/smile more then their a$$ and t*ts. don't get me wrong their still has to be that spark of attraction physically but personality is far more sexy for me.

wait did I just write that! LOL


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

oldgeezer said:


> LOL! Not all of us. Some of us are boring.


I like boring. Boring = stable.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

I'm not sure what you consider "older" but I'm 43 so I'll take a stab at this. I am as attracted to women as much now as ever but it is different. Sure I find the proverbial "10" attractive but I also find things attractive in alot of women that would seem unconventional to a younger man.

As far as sex goes, the quality and consistancy of it is still very important to me but the quantity doesn't have to be as much as when I was younger. Two or three times a week would be about right. 

I also find my wife seems to get more attractive as she ages but that is probably more her than me since she is only 33 and of Mexican decent so her skin is absolutley gorgeous.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

La Rose Noire said:


> I tend to think that's the norm as well, as I know many people in age gap relationships who are similar.
> 
> My SO also admitted he was not a good boyfriend in his 20s at all, and didn't care about serious relationships until his 30s. Of course there are exceptions but I think most men in their 20s are still figuring themselves out the way you and my SO did, Thundarr. I simply am not interested in being a man's guinea pig to be honest. I prefer a man who knows who he is, knows what he wants and says what he means and means what he says. I just think I'm more likely to find those qualities in older men.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you are generalizing a bit. Perhaps your SO is mature, but it likely has nothing do to with his age. 

There are young men who are mature and older men who are quite childish.

There are young men who know who they are and what they want, and older men who still don't.

12 years is not that big of an age gap.

Still, men have their mid life crisis at on average age 56. During a midlife crisis a man can get quite confused about what he wants and who he is, even if he seemed to know prior.

I think it will be interesting to hear from you again when your SO hits that age. Will he still be boring and stable or will he be bored and unstable like so many mid 50s men.

Will his still have a penchant for what you refer to as "young flesh" when you're 44 and he's 56?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

La Rose Noire said:


> I tend to think that's the norm as well, as I know many people in age gap relationships who are similar.
> 
> My SO also admitted he was not a good boyfriend in his 20s at all, and didn't care about serious relationships until his 30s. Of course there are exceptions but I think most men in their 20s are still figuring themselves out the way you and my SO did, Thundarr. I simply am not interested in being a man's guinea pig to be honest. I prefer a man who knows who he is, knows what he wants and says what he means and means what he says. I just think I'm more likely to find those qualities in older men.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> ...


We're all generalizing a bit on both sides. 

Some young women are looking for traits that are easier to find in older men and some are gold diggers. They both exists. Some older men are wiser and know how to treat a woman better than they did when they were younger (that's me) and some are players or never learned a thing. I'm happily married to my wife who is my age but I know I'm a better man now than I was when we married. And that's good because she deserves it. Some men know what it's about right off the bat I guess even before they age.

I think any smart person should be a better partner with age due to learning from their mistakes and other peoples mistakes. I can't blame someone in their twenties for being attracted to this quality. This same group should be better at choosing a compatible partner of any age.

Many men however chasing younger women are not in this "smart person" category. They are just opportunist who noticed how to be slick and pick up girls. Or they are men without character at all because they abandon their partners without cause in order to satisfy their ego. This is probably who you're talking more about Sara.


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> I think you are generalizing a bit. Perhaps your SO is mature, but it likely has nothing do to with his age.
> 
> There are young men who are mature and older men who are quite childish.
> 
> ...


You lack a lot of reading comprehension as I already explained that there are exceptions. I simply said that I am more likely to find the qualities that I'm attracted to in older men. 

I'm not sure where you pulled a mid life crisis at age 56. Seems like you're overreaching and tossed out a random number. 

But I am sure he will still be attracted to young women at that age as well. Just like most of the men here admitted. So what? As long as he's faithful and comes home to me, I won't care. Very few men actually dump their wife to find a younger replacement. And I'll still be eyeing hot soccer players. Big whoop. 

P.S. 40 - 27 = 13

Math is your friend.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

La Rose Noire said:


> You lack a lot of reading comprehension as I already explained that there are exceptions. I simply said that I am more likely to find the qualities that I'm attracted to in older men.
> 
> I'm not sure where you pulled a mid life crisis at age 56. Seems like you're overreaching and tossed out a random number.
> 
> ...


No need to get huffy and abusive with personal insults. I have not generalized that women who marry older men are bimbos or gold diggers. 

I think you might want to reread my posts. I would prefer to say you missed what I said rather than you lack reading comprehension or math abilities. 

I was off by one year, do you think that makes a difference.

In your forties you will no longer be what your refer to as "young flesh" to your man who claims to already know that he prefers young flesh.

It's one thing to look and quite another to actually date or marry a much younger woman. 

Some woman think 19 year old boys are sexy. I don't. Just like some men don't find the 19 year old woman sexy because they find that they have nothing in common. 

My spouse cheated with a woman that is 20 years younger. But he does not want to marry her. He actually called the police about her stalkerish behaviors toward us both. 

I filed for divorce. He wants to stay married. 

That's all I am saying. Also 13 years is not really an older man. 


Are you saying you would be willing to stay with him if he cheats with a younger woman. 

I hope not. 

Yes. 56 is the average age according to pyschiatrists for a male mid life crisis and 44 is average for a woman. Read, I said average age.

Wishful thinking perhaps to say I pulled it from thin air. I did not. I found it in a book on infidelity.

Math will not be your friend, my friend, if your boyfriend already knows he likes young flesh.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> We're all generalizing a bit on both sides.
> 
> Some young women are looking for traits that are easier to find in older men and some are gold diggers. They both exists. Some older men are wiser and know how to treat a woman better than they did when they were younger (that's me) and some are players or never learned a thing. I'm happily married to my wife who is my age but I know I'm a better man now than I was when we married. And that's good because she deserves it. Some men know what it's about right off the bat I guess even before they age.
> 
> ...


How exactly am I generalizing?

Saying that all men are attracted to young women rather than saying "some" is a generalization. 

My father was quite good looking in his 50s and 60s. 

I remember one day walking with him and one of his friends when a much younger woman sashayed by and gave him a seductive look. 

My father appeared oblivious to it because he was not even looking at her, I and his friend pointed her out. 

Whereupon, he looked at her, and turned away saying, my wife is better looking than that, and likely a nicer person, too. 

I thought my dad was even smarter than I already thought he was, after that comment.

I agree with you though, a lot of older men who appear confident and together really aren't, they have just learned to tell people what they want them to hear to make them believe they are stable and know what they want.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> How exactly am I generalizing?


Well I think I was generalizing by envisioning the cases where it makes sense like Rose's and I think you were generalizing by envisioning the cases where it doesn't make sense.

I don't think You, or Rose, or I have been making false statements. I actually agree with both of you. Even your last comment points out high character in your father because he's happy with his wife and does not let youth tempt him. I agree that's a quality of a good man and you're lucky to have someone like that as a parent. On the other hand, I think Rose is not talking about flirting with and older man and trying to steal him away. She's coming from the perspective that her older husband is wise and she's found that quality in older men more then younger ones. I think she's right in that regard because I'm an example of a man who is better suited for marriage now than I used to be. Fortunately my wife put up with me long enough for me to grow up.


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> No need to get huffy and abusive with personal insults. I have not generalized that women who marry older men are bimbos or gold diggers.
> 
> I think you might want to reread my posts. I would prefer to say you missed what I said rather than you lack reading comprehension or math abilities.
> 
> ...


I didn't miss what you said. You're throwing out a bunch of assumptions that don't apply. You think that because he is attracted to younger women (like most men) that automatically means he'll look for a replacement when I get older. I just think that's wishful thinking on your part, based on the tone of your post. So many couples have much larger gaps and still manage to have successful marriages. 

I'm sorry to hear about your husband cheating. But that doesn't mean that every man attracted to younger women will cheat. You are projecting. And maybe you don't think our age difference is that big, but most people raise an eyebrow when I mention it. I don't think it's a big deal either, quite frankly. But I was simply responding to Thundarr's comment about men being better husbands in their 40s. 

Most men are attracted to younger women. That doesn't mean they will all act on it. I'm not worried. I can understand why you'd be insecure about it though. What your husband did was unacceptable. 

As for finding it in a book on infidelity, you really think that's a credible source? Do a quick google search and you'll find tons of studies that cite different ages for mid life crisis. And that still doesn't effect all men. Or women too for that matter. We can make the assumption that when I hit 40 I'll be sick of an older man and have my own midlife crisis. We can make the assumption that we're going to be hit by an 8.0 earthquake tomorrow too. Won't do much good to sit around worrying about it .


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Each year, as I age,I raise the age of that which I consider to be a "young girl". I'm not going to say just what it is presently, but it is now over fifty.


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Well I think I was generalizing by envisioning the cases where it makes sense like Rose's and I think you were generalizing by envisioning the cases where it doesn't make sense.
> 
> I don't think You, or Rose, or I have been making false statements. I actually agree with both of you. Even your last comment points out high character in your father because he's happy with his wife and does not let youth tempt him. I agree that's a quality of a good man and you're lucky to have someone like that as a parent. On the other hand, I think Rose is not talking about flirting with and older man and trying to steal him away. She's coming from the perspective that her older husband is wise and she's found that quality in older men more then younger ones. I think she's right in that regard because I'm an example of a man who is better suited for marriage now than I used to be. Fortunately my wife put up with me long enough for me to grow up.


Exactly. I think it's a great quality that men stay faithful to their wives no matter the temptation. We're always going to find other people attractive, of all ages. Doesn't mean that we will cheat. Those who do are scum to me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

male said:


> Thanks everyone, this is really helpful and I appreciate the honesty. It sounds like sexual attraction will be a constant and present reality. It's comforting to hear that focuses and priorities can and do shift as you age regardless of the influence of sexual attraction. This bodes well for any of us younger guys who want to have a lasting and fulfilling marriage even as our sexual attraction toward our partner changes over time. It's hard to watch some older couples walking around and seeing the older man check out younger attractive women while their wives remain oblivious (or careless).


Oblivious or careless? Why are you putting these women down when it’s the husband who is acting with disrespect towards their wife?

Most women are not oblivious to their husband’s actions, nor are they careless. But they are often women with children and a marriage to hold together. They gave up fighting with him about this because, as any wise person knows, we can only change yourself. As long as their husband is not actually trying to pick the women up and cheating then that’s where they draw the line. Men look whether they are obvious about it or not.

Women often look as well but are more discrete about it.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Women often look as well but are more discrete about it.


Are you saying my wife looks at men? How dare you . 

Actually we don't let non-offensive looking matter much. Making eye contact or flirting would be a different story. We both think that would be disrespectful. For that matter I try to avoid getting caught ogling.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Thundarr said:


> Are you saying my wife looks at men? How dare you . Actually we don't let non-offensive looking matter much. Making eye contact or flirting wouldbe a different story. Weboth think that wouldbe disrespectful. For that matter I try to avoid getting caught ogling.


Yep, when my relationship was good looking did not matter. Sometimes I'd even point out a really hot woman.

We even have an ongoing joke about tv... which of us get's to see more naked butt (or other body parts) on TV and in movies.

When we are out and I see a good looking guy I don't make it obvious though. It's never a topic. Perhaps he thinks I don't notice them.

One of the points though is that many men, as they get older, seem to want to look at any young thing that walks by. It takes a lot more than just being young for a guy to get my attention.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

La Rose Noire said:


> I didn't miss what you said. You're throwing out a bunch of assumptions that don't apply. You think that because he is attracted to younger women (like most men) that automatically means he'll look for a replacement when I get older. I just think that's wishful thinking on your part, based on the tone of your post. So many couples have much larger gaps and still manage to have successful marriages.
> 
> I'm sorry to hear about your husband cheating. But that doesn't mean that every man attracted to younger women will cheat. You are projecting. And maybe you don't think our age difference is that big, but most people raise an eyebrow when I mention it. I don't think it's a big deal either, quite frankly. But I was simply responding to Thundarr's comment about men being better husbands in their 40s.
> 
> ...


No again you are misinterpreting my thoughts. 

I am saying 13 years is not that large of a gap in age. 

Yes, not all men go through a midl life crisis, and that is what I have said. But many do.

Has your boyfriend voiced a preference for "young flesh" as you put it?

If not maybe you will be one whose husband is not stuck in the phase of being attracted to women in their 20s and 30s.

Also, you seem a tad touchy for someone who has so much confidence that their boyfriend if they become a spouse will stay faithful or if he cheats won't know his mind enough to realize that he knows what he wants and a 27 year old is it, even in his 50s.

Also you might want to look up the term projection. 

Since I am not a cheater it's impossible for me to be projecting. 

Maybe I am identifying with your boyfriends penchant for young woman, due to my own situation, but since I don't have the same penchant for young woman or even cheating, I couldn't possibly be projecting. 

Suspicious, yes? Projecting, no.

I do think your post sounds a bit naive. 

Personally, I don't know anybody who raises and eyebrow even when a man dates someone 20 years younger. 

Where do you live? I used to live and work in Manhattan, never met anyone there who raised and eyebrow over that. 

I now live in a small town, and still haven't met anyone who raises and eyebrow over that.

I think by now most people are used to seeing older men with younger women and it's even a common theme in the movies. 

Now a woman with a man 20 years her junior that does raise eyebrow. Sad but true that we still have such a double standard. 

Stay alert, my friend, that is all I am saying. 

Is he really stable or is he just good at convincing you that he is?

The book I am referring to was written by Shirley glass an expert on infidelity. 

The fact that you think you know better than she, is amusing and shows some tendency to be naive. 

I also searched the internet and the 50s is the typical age for a male mid life crisis. 

If that scares you it should. Being scared will serve you better than going into denial about such facts. 

As for your earthquake analogy. Check out the odds of an 8.8 mag earthquake hitting San Franciso soon. Based on those Odds I have chosen not to relocate to San Francisco.

In case you are unaware, I am only talking about possibilities based on stats, not eventualities. 

Goodness me, I am not a clairvoyant. I know that.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Are you saying my wife looks at men? How dare you .
> 
> Actually we don't let non-offensive looking matter much. Making eye contact or flirting would be a different story. We both think that would be disrespectful. For that matter I try to avoid getting caught ogling.



Excellent point, Thundarr. 

Yes, making eye contact is an invitation to flirt and both are disrespectful to a spouse. 

Another disrespectful act is seeking approval and attention from people of the opposite sex to feed one's flagging ego.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> I also searched the internet and the 50s is the typical age for a male mid life crisis.


I read a recent study (year or two ago) that was intriguing. It suggest that middle age crisis' in men are closer tied to his partner's biological clock then his own. Before I go further, a man with true character keeps his promises so it's not an issue. But apparently the median age differs depending on their spouses age or more specifically when their spouse is no longer child bearing. Quite a few cases where hysterectomy correlated to early crisis as well. I assume there is a correlation more for men wanting more children than one's who don't.

I just found the study interesting. Wish I remembered where I read it. I think "Psychology Today" magazine.


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> No again you are misinterpreting my thoughts.
> 
> I am saying 13 years is not that large of a gap in age.
> 
> ...


I'm touchy? No, just amused. You seem to be the touchy one to insist my SO will cheat without knowing anything about us. 

And yes, you're projecting. Your husband cheated in you with a younger woman. You think the same will happen to me. 

And just because you haven't seen people raise eyebrows doesn't make my experience invalid. I told a 29 year old guy and his response was "Whaaaaat?!". I've had other people make funny faces. One guy told me he found girls dating men 10 or more years older than them to be nasty. My brother stopped talking to me for a year. In any case, that's irreverent to the discussion here. 

I also never said I knew better than a psychologist. Only that I don't consider her to be a reliable source. Other studies state 46 to be the average age. Others say between 40 and 60. But again, so what? My last ex had a midlife crisis at 30. I'm not going to sit around worrying about my SO turning 56 and going nuts. 

I'm not the least bit scared, "my friend". I trust my SO. He is attracted to younger girls, but has always said that a kind, sweet, feminine woman with little baggage will always be attractive at any age. 

I'm done with this discussion. You're obviously pushing an agenda and seem to be putting words in my mouth an awful lot.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> I read a recent study (year or two ago) that was intriguing. It suggest that middle age crisis' in men are closer tied to his partner's biological clock then his own. Before I go further, a man with true character keeps his promises so it's not an issue. But apparently the median age differs depending on their spouses age or more specifically when their spouse is no longer child bearing. Quite a few cases where hysterectomy correlated to early crisis as well.
> 
> I just found the study interesting. Wish I remembered where I read it. I think "Psychology Today" magazine.


I think that may be true. 

And, I think that correlates to the 50s except for the hysterectomy issue.

Most studies however conclude that men cheat at a higher rate during their mid life crisis in their 50s.


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> I read a recent study (year or two ago) that was intriguing. It suggest that middle age crisis' in men are closer tied to his partner's biological clock then his own. Before I go further, a man with true character keeps his promises so it's not an issue. But apparently the median age differs depending on their spouses age or more specifically when their spouse is no longer child bearing. Quite a few cases where hysterectomy correlated to early crisis as well.
> 
> I just found the study interesting. Wish I remembered where I read it. I think "Psychology Today" magazine.


This is what I mean. Different studies give different results. I won't acknowledge one as the sole truth. But as I've been trying to say, who cares? People cheat at all ages, with people of all ages, not just during a midlife crisis.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

La Rose Noire said:


> I'm touchy? No, just amused. You seem to be the touchy one to insist my SO will cheat without knowing anything about us.
> 
> And yes, you're projecting. Your husband cheated in you with a younger woman. You think the same will happen to me.
> 
> ...


I am glad you are not a bit scared. But I am curious about why you want to avoid this discussion. 

As for people making funny faces around you two, are you sure? Maybe they don't like your dress or his toupe or his aftershave or his breath.

Also the people who dropped you. Are you sure the reason is the age differece an age difference that is small by my standard. 

However, you still need to look up the psycological defense mechanism of projection. 

You are confusing projection with projective identification. I already agree, I am identfying. 

I think you are giving yourself an illusion of control. I feel no such control regarding men in general.

Again, I am not saying the same will happen definitively. I am saying to pay attention. 

Being attracted to younger women is a red flag. That's all I am saying. Looking is one thing, dating or marrying is another.

Here is a description of projection. Please carefully read paragraph, 2.

*According to Sigmund Freud, projection is a psychological defense mechanism whereby one "projects" one's own undesirable thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings onto someone else. 'Emotions or excitations which the ego tries to ward off are "split out" and then felt as being outside the ego...perceived in another person'.

[4] It is a common process.[5] [r]The related defense of 'projective identification' differs from projection in that the impulse projected onto an external object does not appear as something alien and distant from the ego because the connection of the self with that projected impulse continues'.[6][/r]

In one example of the process,(of projection) a person might have thoughts of infidelity with respect to a spouse or other partner. Instead of dealing with these undesirable thoughts consciously, the subject unconsciously projects these feelings onto the other person, and begins to think that the other has thoughts of infidelity and that the other may be having an affair. 

In this way, the subject may obtain 'acquittal by his conscience - if he projects his own impulses to faithlessness on to the partner to whom he owes faith'.[7] 

In this sense, projection is related to denial, arguably the only more primitive defense mechanism than projection, which, like all defense mechanisms, provides a function whereby a person can protect the conscious mind from a feeling that is otherwise repulsive.

Projection can also be established as a means of obtaining or justifying certain actions that would normally be found atrocious or heinous. 

This often means projecting false accusations, information, etc., onto an individual for the sole purpose of maintaining a self-created illusion. 

One of the many problems with the process whereby 'something dangerous that is felt inside can be moved outside - a process of "projection"' - is that as a result 'the projector may become somewhat depleted and rendered limp in character, as he loses part of his personality'.[8]

Compartmentalization, splitting, and projection are argued to be ways that the ego maintains the illusion that it is completely in control at all times. 

Further, while engaged in projection, individuals can be unable to access truthful memories, intentions, and experiences, even about their own nature, as is common in deep trauma.[9]*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Thundarr said:


> I read a recent study (year or two ago) that was intriguing. It suggest that middle age crisis' in men are closer tied to his partner's biological clock then his own. Before I go further, a man with true character keeps his promises so it's not an issue. But apparently the median age differs depending on their spouses age or more specifically when their spouse is no longer child bearing. Quite a few cases where hysterectomy correlated to early crisis as well. I assume there is a correlation more for men wanting more children than one's who don't.
> 
> I just found the study interesting. Wish I remembered where I read it. I think "Psychology Today" magazine.


I've read that a lot of this is caused by pharomones. When a women is in her reproductive years she's putting them out in large quantity and thus her husband and other men are attracted to her.

Once a woman is no longer capable of getting pregnant, her body slows down or stops making the pharomones and this is not biologically a viable partner anymore. 

That could be why men start looking elsewhere and why they are more attracted to younger women. This attraction is not just about looks... it's about body chemicals that bodies of younger women put out by the bucket load.

Ever seen what happens when a female dog goes into heat... same thing.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

La Rose Noire said:


> I told a 29 year old guy and his response was "Whaaaaat?!". I've had other people make funny faces. One guy told me he found girls dating men 10 or more years older than them to be nasty. My brother stopped talking to me for a year. In any case, that's irreverent to the discussion here.


These are cases of insecurity and damaged ego. These guys and me when I was young know that many women are attracted to older men and that older men are real competition. Add to that, we men especially when we are young, look at physical attributes in a woman. It just doesn't compute to us that an attractive woman our age would pick an out of shape balding man in his 40s instead of us. It's a slap to our egos.

In my case it was something I wanted to understand because it confused the hell out of me. I was a good looking kid in my younger years and when my ex and I divorced, she re-married a man 20 years her senior. I wasn't wanting her back or anything but it was a "hmm" moment. A time for me to either say "that's f..ed up" or a time for me "to ponder the reasons". It's been twenty or so years and their still together so something must work.


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

I will only specify that yes, my brother stopped talking to me because of the age difference. He told me to have fun with my grampa but he wants nothing to do with me. And people make faces when I mention it, not because of how we look. I made a recent friend who admitted she thought it was kind of weird when I first told her. 

As for the rest, I'm simply not interested in participating in mental masturbation.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I've read that a lot of this is caused by pharomones. When a women is in her reproductive years she's putting them out in large quantity and thus her husband and other men are attracted to her.
> 
> Once a woman is no longer capable of getting pregnant, her body slows down or stops making the pharomones and this is not biologically a viable partner anymore.
> 
> ...


Good point. Men MIGHT NEED/want to feel young and if they believe their partner isn't it makes them feel old so they look for a younger partner to feed that POSSIBLE insecurity.

However, men also supposedly give off pheromones that wane with age. 

So why would a younger women be attracted to an older male accept for daddy issue or an interest in their earnings. 

The entire pheromone issue is also quite controversial in that scientists say humans no longer have the vestigial organ that detects pheromone. 

Here's an excerpt from wikipedia regarding pheromones:

*These chemical signals are believed to be detected primarily by the vomeronasal organ (VNO), a chemosensory organ located at the base of the nasal septum.[15] 

The VNO is present in most amphibia, reptiles, and non-primate mammals but is absent in birds, adult catarrhine monkeys, and apes.[16]

An active role for the human VNO in the detection of pheromones is disputed; the VNO is clearly present in the foetus but appears to be atrophied or absent in adults. 

Three distinct families of putative pheromone receptors have been identified in the vomeronasal organ (V1Rs, V2Rs, and V3Rs). All are G protein-coupled receptors but are only distantly related to the receptors of the main olfactory system, highlighting their different role.[15]*


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> These are cases of insecurity and damaged ego. These guys and me when I was young know that many women are attracted to older men and that older men are real competition. Add to that, we men especially when we are young, look at physical attributes in a woman. It just doesn't compute to us that an attractive woman our age would pick an out of shape balding man in his 40s instead of us. It's a slap to our egos.
> 
> In my case it was something I wanted to understand because it confused the hell out of me. I was a good looking kid in my younger years and when my ex and I divorced, she re-married a man 20 years her senior. I wasn't wanting her back or anything but it was a "hmm" moment. A time for me to either say "that's f..ed up" or a time for me "to ponder the reasons". It's been twenty or so years and their still together so something must work.


Completely agree. It stems from insecurity with both genders. With men it's because they view older men as competition. With women, they view younger women as competition. Even women my age make comments about it being "gross". Usually because deep down they worry that when they get older, their man will dump them for a younger woman. 

I'm simply not threatened. All I can do is be the best woman I can be for him. If that's not enough, oh well. His loss. But that's the case with any relationship.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> These are cases of insecurity and damaged ego. These guys and me when I was young know that many women are attracted to older men and that older men are real competition. Add to that, we men especially when we are young, look at physical attributes in a woman. It just doesn't compute to us that an attractive woman our age would pick an out of shape balding man in his 40s instead of us. It's a slap to our egos.
> 
> In my case it was something I wanted to understand because it confused the hell out of me. I was a good looking kid in my younger years and when my ex and I divorced, she re-married a man 20 years her senior. I wasn't wanting her back or anything but it was a "hmm" moment. A time for me to either say "that's f..ed up" or a time for me "to ponder the reasons". It's been twenty or so years and their still together so something must work.


As a prior poster said: "I used to think it was the bulge in my pants they (younger women ) are attracted to, now I know it's the bulge in my wallet"

I think a woman will take a fat balding man who is older but stable in his career and hence has more money. 

They may not even think this on a concious level, but it is there in their mind.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

La Rose Noire said:


> I will only specify that yes, my brother stopped talking to me because of the age difference. He told me to have fun with my grampa but he wants nothing to do with me. And people make faces when I mention it, not because of how we look. I made a recent friend who admitted she thought it was kind of weird when I first told her.
> 
> As for the rest, I'm simply not interested in participating in mental masturbation.


Oh my another slam. Hmm! Is that what you call my references. I agree though freud did engage in mental masturbation, so perhaps we agree. Mental masturbation seemed to serve Freud well though, no?

I think a lot of older men may prefer younger woman because the men are not the type to want to be an equal to their wife. They may be the insecure type who feels emasculated by an intelligent wife, who has equal earning power. 

Hence they MAY (The operative word being may) feel that a young woman are less mature and perhaps easier to fool and/or control. And they like the fact that they typically earn less then they do. 

Just some food for thought, not any absolutes of course.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

La Rose Noire said:


> Completely agree. It stems from insecurity with both genders. With men it's because they view older men as competition. With women, they view younger women as competition. Even women my age make comments about it being "gross". Usually because deep down they worry that when they get older, their man will dump them for a younger woman.
> 
> I'm simply not threatened. All I can do is be the best woman I can be for him. If that's not enough, oh well. His loss. But that's the case with any relationship.


Interesting. Is this, too, mental masturbation or simply a discussion? Just curiious. 

I don't view younger women as competition. 

I view men my age who date younger women as predatory and types to avoid as someone for me to date.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> Good point. Men MIGHT NEED/want to feel young and if they believe their partner isn't it makes them feel old so they look for a younger partner to feed that POSSIBLE insecurity.
> 
> However, men also supposedly give off pheromones that wane with age.
> 
> ...


I didn't quote the wiki info but condensed version is "humans don't pick up on pheromones very well like other animals do"

*So why would a younger women be attracted to an older male accept for daddy issue or an interest in their earnings. *:  well that question is projecting a little bit. There are many qualities in men of all ages some of which may be more common in older men. If they're not more common then at least they're more easily quantified. Proven provider, respected by others, wiser than when in their youth if they tried to be, proven parenting skills and genetics in children, etc. I'm not advocating this because I'm chasing younger women. I just believe it to be true.

Regarding the pheromones, there's still something there because studies to show that strippers get better tips when they are ovulating. Maybe it's not the pheromones but how they act but it's something. I don't think you will find anything to disprove that other than speculation . What I mean is I don't think there are studies disproving it.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> I didn't quote the wiki info but condensed version is "humans don't pick up on pheromones very well like other animals do"
> 
> *So why would a younger women be attracted to an older male accept for daddy issue or an interest in their earnings. *:  well that question is projecting a little bit. There are many qualities in men of all ages some of which may be more common in older men. If they're not more common then at least they're more easily quantified. Proven provider, respected by others, wiser than when in their youth if they tried to be, proven parenting skills and genetics in children, etc. I'm not advocating this because I'm chasing younger women. I just believe it to be true.
> 
> Regarding the pheromones, there's still something there because studies to show that strippers get better tips when they are ovulating. Maybe it's not the pheromones but how they act but it's something. I don't think you will find anything to disprove that other than speculation . What I mean is I don't think there are studies disproving it.


Thundarr:

I don't have any absolute answers. I only know what the Majority of the studies show. 

Yes. you are right, as any scientist will tell you, perhaps the strippers responding to their own cycle of ovulation are looking to be impregnated unconsciously so they act more seductive when ovulating. 

So, I think you answer your own question. Certainly if science shows that humans and other higher evolved primates have no veromonasal organ to pick up pheromones, I think that your guess of the strippers acting more seductive is more likely, no?

Also, they say a cheating woman is more likely to cheat when ovulating and thereby cuckold her husband by being more likely to become pregnant by an affair partner. 

She may act more aggressively when ovulating to hook a male into sex. 

As for younger women being attracted to the supposed better qualities of older men. 

When single and working in Manhattan, I found older men to be quite childish in their come ons and reasons for cheating and interest in young women. 

I was never attracted to any of those qualities. 

My STBEH on the other hand had those qualities even though close to my age. 

He APPEARED to be responsible mature and supremely trustworthy. 

Did he change at midlife and become childish or was he always childish and just good at hiding it. 

Who knows, none of those questions are answerable really, because most cheaters are in denial about their motivations and will vehemently deny past sexcapades unless shown proof. 

Anyway, I know plenty of women who are attracted to younger men, particularly as their 50 something husband ages and gets prostate cancer and/or erectile dysfunction. 

It seems to be a growing incidence of older women who earn good money taking up with younger more virile men to take care of the needs their sexually dysfunctional husband can no longer. (so much for better or for worse)

From a psychological stand point, it makes sense, NO, for a woman to date a younger more virile man who can go longer and allow them time to have an orgasm, no?

I also know plenty who remain faithful despite their husbands health issues. I would have remained faithful to my own STBEH had he become sexually dysfunctional but had remained faithful.

For my part, I have no interest in young men either physically or psychologically.

Really, after what my STBEH did, even though he claims he wants to work things out, I have no interest in every remarrying or being married to him. 

There is a saying and I paraphrase

"Men grow old but they never grow up."

I never believed that prior to being blindsided by the spouse I once trusted 300 percent, but now I have to wonder.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> Thundarr:
> 
> I don't have any absolute answers. I only know what the Majority of the studies show.
> 
> ...


There's a lot of good points here. I agree with your observations and empathize with your situation.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I dated mostly older men when I was single. My husband is eight years older than me. When we met, I was attracted to my husband's intelligence, excellent manners and sky blue eyes. I loved how calm and quiet my husband was and the way he courted me. 

My husband epitomizes the positive aspects of older men. He is a considerate lover who spends a lot of time making sure I am enjoying myself in bed. He is not into the club or the bar scene which is great because I somehow skipped that phase. I appreciate the way he is understanding about some of the emotional baggage I have from surviving abuse. 

Sara is completely right when she says that some older men are looking to prey on naive younger women. I was in two different relationships with older men who tried to control and mold me. These "men" were insecure little boys who needed to boss someone around to feel important. I also met Peter Pan types who were still chasing pipe dreams or living with a bunch of other men.


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