# Old flames DIE HARD! (Long) Help!



## Jfbradley1985 (Aug 4, 2010)

I'm 24 and when I was 20 I met this beautiful lady and pretty much from day one I knew that I was in love with her. Pretty soon after we started to talk flirtatiously and friendly, we began dating. It was wonderful (just like all young love) but unfortunately she lives in a different culture than me. 

Her father is very strict on the family hardly letting her go out with a guy like me. But, I was fortunate to win the approval of most all of the family, they really liked me. Although we got along extremely well, better than I do with almost anyone i know, she had quite a temper that was almost uncontrolable at times. I couldn't stand it because so many times I would have to hold my tongue... Or else. 

But we stayed together for almost 2 years because we got along so damn well and were very much in love and attracted, but eventually I had to end it with much dissatisfaction in my mind. I missed her very much, and wanted her back but knew it was a bad idea and eventually she started to date someone else and it completely crushed me. I was doing the whole desperate thing trying to get her back and obviously it didn't work. Oh well, after no contact for almost a year, she would call or text and never answered until last year in Feb. 

I thought we could give it a chance now. We talked for about a week and had a great time talking and one night saw her and at first had a great time, but she got overly drunk and started dancing with another guy infront of me (at a country bar) I was kinda pissed then we ended up making out after she saw I was so angry. The next day I told her that I was jealous cuz I still thought we may be able to rekindle something, but she said she wasn't ready. I was confused cuz she was constantly calling me and texting for a year before this. 

Anyway, I did another no contact for over a year to get my life straight. So, until a couple weeks ago to see how she was doing. Before this, I've been doing great things with my life, feeling great. When I went to see her, it was a surprise to her because my school is 5 min away and I've always thought about stopping by and saying hi to the family. When I did, it was back to the same thing. Got along really well, actually starting going over to her house to hang out with her brother and her a few days last week and had a phenominal time. 

One thing though, she has a boyfriend who litteraly treats her like ****. I hate how he does her. But I was cool being friends but in the back of my mind (well we can all assume right?), so we would flirt a bit too, but nothing beyond that. She even mentions she lost the temper, and i could tell. She had grown up alot since our last encounter. So, last wednesday he broke up to her, I was ****ing surprised. We went out friday and had an absolute blast, we were alot more intimate without kissing and sex cuz we knew she had just ended a relationship. I even spent the night together (no sex) cuz we had a few to drink. Next day was great, we talked and told her i wanted her to meet my friends. She said of course, and I would see her sunday. But sunday, came along and my dad and I hung out and drank way too much and I couldn't see her, and meet her dad. She got really pissed off and kind of embarrased her because I was supposed to see her dad too.

Well, fast forward to today, she seems a bit distant now. Her Ex-boyfriend keeps calling her and making her upset and wants her back. Sounds like she want it to, but can't. She even admits that our 2 weeks of unadulterated friend ship with me was way better than her whole relationship with the jerk off. She even gets jealous when I mention a girl I was just talking to.

Alright, for the home stretch guys! I just don't know what to think and do. I'm starting to develop those old feelings again, I thought she was too. We both mention that we both get along better than anyone else we know. But, like i said, since sunday she had been acting distant. I tell her lets hang, she goes off the subject, but we still talk. We even mention about being friends cuz she just got out of a relationship, but you can't deny the chemistry. 

Ahh, I'm going to go out of my mind, anyone else experienced this? Advice? Thanks!


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Time to move on. You're 24, there are tons of young girls out there and there will always be one that is better than her. You chasing after her like a love sick puppy means she has zero respect for you. You're a good friend but that's about it.

Don't chase after her and before you know it you're 30 then 35, the 40 and wonder what did I just do with my life.

I've had 2 cousins who've chased after a girl from their teen years all the way until they turned 35 or so. She goes and gets married and they're all pissed off that they've wasted all their life chasing that one girl they thought they might have a chance with. And yes, the girl strung them on for all that time also. Security blanket if nothing else works out, real nice huh.

Let her go and if one day she comes a calling, you might have moved on yourself....


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## wilted_flower (Jul 25, 2010)

I know it's hard, but you two need to sit down and talk. I don't know how long she was going out with this ex, but it couldn't have been THAT long, given your timeline. So she shouldn't need loads of time to recover. You should sit down and have a heart to heart about where you think this is going. Let her know that although you care about her, you just can't be strung along forever. You may get some wishy-washy response. Press her for something concrete- if she wants to be with you, she'll be with you no matter if she got out of a relationship or has been single for months. If she can't commit to you when you're offering yourself up on a platter to her, then I wouldn't hope for more than just friendship. 

Be careful. This sounds like recipe for disaster, but I do hope it works out  

And, for some reason, some women are drawn to men who don't treat them very well. If she's one of those... well good luck "saving" her...


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## Jfbradley1985 (Aug 4, 2010)

cheatinghubby said:


> Time to move on. You're 24, there are tons of young girls out there and there will always be one that is better than her. You chasing after her like a love sick puppy means she has zero respect for you. You're a good friend but that's about it.
> 
> Don't chase after her and before you know it you're 30 then 35, the 40 and wonder what did I just do with my life.
> 
> ...


Lol, your cousins sound like me. Ha, sorry to hear that, I surely hope that does not turn out to be me in the future. 

But you're pretty much right about the situation, thanks for the advice!


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## Jfbradley1985 (Aug 4, 2010)

wilted_flower said:


> I know it's hard, but you two need to sit down and talk. I don't know how long she was going out with this ex, but it couldn't have been THAT long, given your timeline. So she shouldn't need loads of time to recover. You should sit down and have a heart to heart about where you think this is going. Let her know that although you care about her, you just can't be strung along forever. You may get some wishy-washy response. Press her for something concrete- if she wants to be with you, she'll be with you no matter if she got out of a relationship or has been single for months. If she can't commit to you when you're offering yourself up on a platter to her, then I wouldn't hope for more than just friendship.
> 
> Be careful. This sounds like recipe for disaster, but I do hope it works out
> 
> And, for some reason, some women are drawn to men who don't treat them very well. If she's one of those... well good luck "saving" her...


Yeah, I know some women are drawn to *******s like this guy. When we were dating back in the day, I was a really nice dude. 

But in the end you're right, I'm going to see her today actually and talk it out and see what happens. It's going to suck having to leave and start no contact all over again, (this time for good, thrid time is a charm!) Oh well, gotta do what you gotta do.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I wouldn't even ask her if you have a chance. If she wanted to be with you, you'd know by now. She's using you. She knows you want her, and she's using that to make herself feel better. I bet that when she contacted you before, she had either just broken up with someone or was in a really bad relationship. You drooling all over her gives her the confidence boost she needs. 

Move on. Find a girl who doesn't want to use you to improve her self esteem, a girl who truly wants to be with you because she likes you. They are out there.


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## wilted_flower (Jul 25, 2010)

atruckersgirl has a good point... however from your own point of view it might be better to have the piece of mind when you talk to her and you can see that she can't commit... 

Just some type of closure for yourself.


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## Jfbradley1985 (Aug 4, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> I wouldn't even ask her if you have a chance. If she wanted to be with you, you'd know by now. She's using you. She knows you want her, and she's using that to make herself feel better. I bet that when she contacted you before, she had either just broken up with someone or was in a really bad relationship. You drooling all over her gives her the confidence boost she needs.
> 
> Move on. Find a girl who doesn't want to use you to improve her self esteem, a girl who truly wants to be with you because she likes you. They are out there.


:iagree:

Yup, I agree, I just wanted to get yalls opinion before i try and embarrass myself. Well, I have alot going for me now in life (finally) and was ready to see if she could actually commit to a guy who treats her right and have a genuine good time together, plus it's always a good thing when her family loves me. But all she can say is how hurt over her break up with a guy she even says is an abusive a hole.

Funny, I know I would make a great boyfriend and eventually a great husband, but unfortunately I wanted to be with her, and she can't see what a good thing she has infront of her. We used to be a great couple but had a bit of maturity to get over, now that we have matured (I have immensly) shes blinded by what so many women fall into, and that's trying to be with the wrong man.

Oh well, strike 3 WEEEEEEERE OUTAAAA THERE!!!

Thanks for the advice, wouldn't mind talking more about the situation if anyone else has something informative to say.


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