# is hubby gay? can I go back to normal?



## violajo (Oct 4, 2009)

I have been married for 9yrs and not for the 1st time have I found gay porn.
The first time was 1yr into marriage. I found pictures from gay mag. So we went to counselling.
1st session told just to accept the fantasy. I could not go back due to lack of understanding from councellor and at 22yrs just accepted it. so went on with the marriage.
After fertility treatment had son 9weeks prem loads of problems But marriage going well.
2nd time was pregnant and found more pages from gay mad and then a whole load of gay DVDs. I could not face it so did not say anything. Later miscarried.
This time at 9yrs marriage my mum found more pages when packing boxes to help me move. I found it hard, again, to confront him but when i did he again just said they were just fantasies and that if I had look closer at DVD's I would have found other material that were not gay related. Not sure I would have.
We are not at a talking stage but no sex.
I do not feel any attraction for him and really just don't know if it is because he has put on alot of weight recently or just the above. Altogether I just did not know how to answer his question yesterday about when we are going to have sex again. 
any help would be appreciated.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i would feel the same way you do, dont blame you at all. he definately has a strange fantasy, if that is all it is. i unfortunately tend to doubt its only fantasy. if he is truly gay, i think your time together will be short. sorry for the bluntness, but having that "material" in ones posession is a very strong indication IMHO.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Ask him to show you everything he has. No hiding from you. 

And then ask him to explain them. 

Why does he have these fantasies? Has he ever been with a man? Is he currently seeking sex with men? (check his browser history, cookies.) 

Put your foot down. You deserve the truth. As it is, you don't want to have sex with him. What's the natural fallout from there? Divorce.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

He's at least bisexual and maybe a closeted homosexual.

Whether or not he has acted out on this in a way that risks your health is the big question.

I recommend you get tested for STDs. and a candid discussion be done about boundaries in marriage and his true sexual interests. And how they affect yours too.


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## WhatToThink (Mar 30, 2009)

I agree that you should ask him to pull out all of his porn and show them to you. This way, you'll see if he has straight porn as well. Also, best way to know for sure, check his internet history, as someone else said. Do it when he is not arround and when he's not expecting it. Also, be attentive to any online groups he may be a part of such as chatrooms, discussion forums, keep an eye on his screen names and buddy lists, etc. 
By the way, are there any other signs of homosexuality or bisexuality? For example, my sister's ex-boyfriend once joked around with her about trying on her panties. It seemed like no big deal until she started putting other clues together. Also, when you used to have sex with him, what was he like (don't actually answer this, I'm just telling you to think about it), did he always orgasm? Did he act aggresively/passionately with you (typical of hetero male behavior). Did he like to grab or bite your breasts? If you analyze the sex you've had with him, it'll probably reveal most of what you need to know. Remember, there are some men who claim to be bisexual. This is something I don't believe in for men, I think they're either gay or straight. But perhaps this is a possibility with your guy, he might be bi but he chose to lead the more accepted life of a hetero male. In that case, he's probably still attracted to you. But if he's fully gay, neither of you will be happy. 
Best of luck.


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