# Hope or none?



## ryanj51475 (Nov 14, 2017)

My wife and I have been separated from each other for 2 months now. We have been married for 21 years and together for 24 years. She left because she is unhappy and has felt unloved and feels like we have grown apart, plus aggravated with hollering and complaining that I did at our 15 year old son. She has tried to tell me several times she was unhappy with things but I guess like many other men I didn't listen good enough and took things for granted. She's filed for divorce and we have a year in waiting.
I love my wife more than anything and never thought this could happen. I have not given up hope on my marriage and I won't. I don't think there is another man or anything like that she just says she loves me but is not in love with me and she just can't help the way she feels.
I've of course begged and everything else they say not to do. I'm trying to stop and let things cool down.
My question is do I have any chance at getting her back at this stage and how?


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Not much of a chance.

Work on improving yourself.eat right exercise maybe some reading on how to be a better man. Set some goals and work hard on them.

Good luck.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

First of all biggest turn off to women...beggars, whiners....stop that right now...as chilly said work on you....and do it like you are doing for the next person.... if she comes great but if not at least you have yourself respect and your a better person.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Ryan, it sounds like you have a "Walk Away Wife" on your hands. I encourage you to Google this phrase and you'll find a lot of resources and information.

Sadly, a lot of WAWs, once they have made up their minds to leave, they don't change their minds. But that doesn't mean all hope is lost.

Here's a video that gives a good introduction to what a WAW is, and how most marriages get to this point, and you can view other videos from there. But definitely Google the phrase and you'll find some resources. Good luck!


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## Overwhelmed in NE (Sep 20, 2013)

Feministinpink, thank you so much for sharing that video. I hope a lot of men actually watch and listen to it. 
To the OP, maybe there is hope like the video says, but more than likely not. I am in the stage where I no longer complain or have serious conversations with my husband and have a plan to see a lawyer soon and separate/divorce in the new year. I can't imagine my husband doing anything to change my mind. We currently have some good days as a family, but then it all comes crashing down again and I know that is a pattern that will only repeat if I stay....


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

FeministInPink, so true.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Overwhelmed in NE said:


> Feministinpink, thank you so much for sharing that video. I hope a lot of men actually watch and listen to it.
> To the OP, maybe there is hope like the video says, but more than likely not. I am in the stage where I no longer complain or have serious conversations with my husband and have a plan to see a lawyer soon and separate/divorce in the new year. *I can't imagine my husband doing anything to change my mind. We currently have some good days as a family, but then it all comes crashing down again and I know that is a pattern that will only repeat if I stay....*


Yep, this was me too. I was DONE. They wanted nothing to do with making an effort to address the things I was having issues with, I might as well have been a piece of furniture in the room. Didn't seem to matter how I addressed anything, whether it was in tears, or in a fit of rage... I just didn't matter. Eventually it wore my love away. Nothing they could have said or done would have made me stay, because I knew like you did that it was a pattern, and I would be right back in the same place again. It was too late.


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

Yeah don't belive I'm done crap here's some advice just agree breaking up is ok act content be happy then go extreme no contact. Disconnect 100 percent wait it out as long as you can. Good chance she might reach out to you. Do this till about 1 month from divorce date then write a letter that is if she hasn't reach out to you.


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## sadchristopher (Nov 23, 2017)

As men we have to learn to listen more and not always try to fix things. Fix the car, fix the lawnmower, fix the baseboards in the house. Dont try to fix your wife. I am in the process of learning that myself now. I could not fix my wife's mental illness. She has to fix that herself to the best that she can. I have to fix me. That is what you should do. Focus on fixing yourself and making your self better. In the process of doing that she likes what you have become then there could still be a chance to salvage it. Let her have her space to cool off. You go and make yourself better. Not for her but for you.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

ryanj51475 said:


> My wife and I have been separated from each other for 2 months now. We have been married for 21 years and together for 24 years. She left because she is unhappy and has felt unloved and feels like we have grown apart, plus aggravated with hollering and complaining that I did at our 15 year old son. She has tried to tell me several times she was unhappy with things but I guess like many other men I didn't listen good enough and took things for granted. She's filed for divorce and we have a year in waiting.
> I love my wife more than anything and never thought this could happen. I have not given up hope on my marriage and I won't. I don't think there is another man or anything like that she just says she loves me but is not in love with me and she just can't help the way she feels.
> I've of course begged and everything else they say not to do. I'm trying to stop and let things cool down.
> My question is do I have any chance at getting her back at this stage and how?


Purchase and read the two books in my signature, "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters". They are your ticket to a fulfilling marriage, so pay attention and do what they say. You need to start fulfilling her most important emotional needs, and stop doing anything that makes her unhappy. Those books will guide you through doing just that, and hopefully rekindle her feelings for you.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Ryan,

You still out there?


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