# Good night



## J122LovesHisWifeStacy104 (Jan 8, 2020)

Hi. New here. (I wanted to originally post my topic in the other part of the forum but it won't let me, so I'm going to post my topic here. After this whole section I did.) Also, I fell asleep before I finished my edit. If there are any replies, I haven't seen it. My apologies if the thread it disorganized now.

Wrongly assumed single to everyone who doesn't want to believe I gave my wife Stacy a ring on her birthday January 4, 2018 but I'm still married to her. Regardless if there is still more to do. I have nothing to prove to these people who just wanted to make a mess of what was supposed to be the happiest year for us (2018 and thus far), when I was finally making progress to repair as well as improve my relationship and bond with Stacy (A very vital bond). As well as taking positive steps to shape my life.

Now what I post on here is not made up stories. Regardless of if my wife is mad at me over something I said during my mental health being a wreck (which it has been for 95% of last year), or something I did or didn't do. Or if someone wants to screw up my life (i.e my neighbor down the street who wants to steal my wife over some childish need to prove he's better than me at everything). 

For the record, although my mental health was and is a wreck temporarily (Excuse the caps lock. It is for emphasis) I ACTED IN SOUND MIND WHEN I GAVE STACY A RING BECAUSE I, INITIALS JJF, OF MY OWN WILL WANT TO BE MARRIED TO STACY. I'M AN ADULT, I DIDN'T DO THIS FOR FUN OR TO PROVE THINGS TO OTHER PEOPLE OR TO RUB IT IN ANYONE'S FACE. I DID IT BECAUSE I LOVE STACY AND TRULY WANT TO BE WITH HER. IT BEING A NEW YEAR DOESN'T ERASE ME WANTING TO BE WITH HER. 

Everyone doesn't have to be happy for me (I mean in real life) but people should really stop trying to sabotage this for me and my life as well. 

I guess that is a strange intro but it is strange to have people continually over a many year span constantly orchestrate things to sabotage any progress in your life. I worked hard for this. From being extremely shy, to rejection, to meeting someone new who turned out to be the love of my life (before I realized she was in 2011), screwing things up with her terribly to the point I thought she'd be gone from my life for good, to sleepless nights, to finally getting her a ring (that I held onto for 4 years), to people around me trying everything in their power to sabotage this and my life. I went through hell and back for and over Stacy, this is not some delusional notion of entitlement, I deserve Stacy (even when I don't feel like I deserve someone special like her).

Lastly, without even going to counseling; I realized people who've across my life have had a terrible effect on my ability to be a good romantic partner. These people completely destroyed my sense of self within myself. And spent nearly 8 years trying to keep me from Stacy. It has had a major and TERRIBLE psychological impact on my ability to properly love this woman. I've missed dates because all their bullying is in my mind and especially the stuff when it comes to Stacy, where they're making me feel like she wants nothing to do with me. So I start to believe it and end up a no show for dates or just believe I'm in this stuff alone. Some of this stuff is from her own family members in my age range. I shouldn't have to have my mind plagued with thoughts that Stacy I'm just going to wake up to Stacy abandoning me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Stacy and I being together. Even with a 7 year age gap (right now 8 years until the 22nd, then it goes back to 7). I'm the younger one. I don't have to be with someone my age. I'm not dating someone under age. There are plenty of couples in age gap circumstances that flourish together. Even with the man younger than the woman, bigger age gaps than ours too. They probably don't want to see us together because they've probably been lying to her and other people about me in regards to certain things to make look like a unsuitable partner. Its less that I'm unsuitable for her and more them personally not wanting her to like me. They're probably mentioning things like how I didn't show up somewhere, so therefore I don't care. But leave out the part where they're texting me down talking about how she doesn't like me and all of this stuff. 



*Now my orignal question that I was going to post*

How do I get my wife, Stacy to know that she's my only person romantically and I don't have someone else?

Right now, I may be trapped in the phase where people are trying to make it look like I'm cheating on her or deceiving her. I've been weary of traps and trying to steer clear. As I breather near a female, someone tries to formulate a story. My neighbor has tried to pin females on me. I try to find an escape or I warn my wife about it. The other part is as much as it may seem to be cool to people to have a lot of females but sometimes you just find that person you don't want to hurt doing that. So now with Stacy, she may do something like try to play it off like she doesn't want to be with me. And if I hadn't met Stacy from 2010 and had experiences with her; I'd buy into easily. Sometimes it does get me, until I really think about it. And then I connect dots. Part of the problem is my obliviousness in the past that hurt her. In like 2011-12. I was in love but I was oblivious to the fact that Stacy could even feel anything for me and I could be that lucky. It kind of reflects in her behavior towards me now. Mirrors that. So now she's on social media and she posts me saying if I'm any woman's man. She did in a way to make it seem like she was uninterested and trying to say someone's partner is reaching out to her. What she was really doing, was secretly trying to test if someone else was going to come forward and say they and were together or they were sleeping with me. There may times when I don't understand her actions but there are also times when I just really do. And it looks like a negative but it isn't. 

Part of the problem here is the community we live in and the urge for everyone to be popular and in the know about everything. Me personally I didn't go to school with these people. These people are in their 30's and probably have been going to school with each other, same parties with each other, same everything with each other since they were like 4 or 5 years old. So everything in their lives are basically congested to this one area and set of people, even if they branch out. So the gossip stream can just really be problematic at times. I go on social media and watch that these people have been doing the same exact stuff they've been doing since they were like 12 or 13. The reality is it is just what you grew into and it is what you know. So now, every time something happens everyone knows about it because they're all in the same social circle. It is natural to them. To a personality type like mine, it is really very cramped for me. So now I'm technically an outsider because I didn't grow up around these people like everyone else did. Which also makes me an easy target to defame my persona. Someone like my neighbor or ex-neighbor(s) can take advantage of that and tell everyone I'm snitch or something like that. They'll probably take his word over mine because I'm more of the unknown quantity. So when someone like Stacy's cousin does stuff life like that in regards to my character, well I'm more of an unknown quantity. It creates a crapstorm for me, my life and all kinds of unnecessary stress. Now someone like Stacy comes into play now because when you're kind of a constant target; women don't want to be with a guy like that. It is usually a turn off. And the one woman who does, probably gets laughed at or is made to feel like a woman of low standard. People know this and play on that. I was once told that I apparently would be an embarrassment to someone's family to have a child to with. So now this one person has to hide her feelings for the guy for fear of ridicule. Then the guy has to hide his feelings so people won't try to bully him out the relationship or use all kind of sneaky tactics to sabotage things. I can't change those people, that's one thing. I don't care to change their perceptions of me either. 

So my only answer now is to live better than they think of me, si they'll look more foolish than they've tried to make me seem. Which I was doing until certain people pulled the spy and sabotage my life move on me. 

My only problem here is getting Stacy to shift out of that "I have to pretend that I hate him/can't stand him because of what other people might think" mindset and shift back to that "I love him/want to be seen with him, who cares what people think" mindset. Normally that may seem immature of her but it isn't really her fault. I just don't know how to get her to make that shift. Well, I know sex is one way. Nonsexual methods would be useful as well. Our love life together should not be based on what other people think.

Being with me or having kids with me isn't an embarrassing thing that someone's family should be ashamed of. Specifically Stacy's family, her family shouldn't be ashamed of Stacy choosing to be with me. I know I'm not embarrassed of choosing Stacy to be with and people around me shouldn't feel it is embarrassing for us to be together. We actually make a great couple and team, even if we have some kinks to work out.

Excused the late edit. Apparently my device is hacked too.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Welcome @J122LovesHisWifeStacy104.

Why are you bringing this to our attention? Is your wife also a member of TAM?


----------



## J122LovesHisWifeStacy104 (Jan 8, 2020)

Well it said introduce yourself before you can post and I just wrote off the top of my head what was on my mind. Like people trying to make me feel my whole marriage/relationship is a lie. Then people also trying to make me seem like a cheater when I'm not. And it irks me because I'm not cheating, Stacy and I being together is not fake and I love my woman, even through all the confusion going on. 

I really wanted to post a separate topic, which I added in the second part. But the website wouldn't let me even after I posted. 

To my knowledge, she is not on the website but then again; she just might be and I didn't realize.

However, I just need some advice and help in sorting out all of what's going on.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

When was the last time you were in counseling? You need someone who can get to know you better than can ever happen here. You’re describing situations and reactions that can be read many different ways and the danger to you is accepting a response here that confirms what you already think instead of something that might actually be helpful.


----------

