# Remarrying: The Risk/Reward Ratio



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Okay, I have been divorced now about 2 years, separated about 3 years and I actually have dated 2 different women, both lovely in their own separate way.

I posted this here in the Ladies Lounge for a specific reason. . .I feel like I am missing something.

I am 43, have 3 kids, 14, 9, and 4. I love them to death of course and am a fairly actively involved father. I have them about 40% of the time and my middle son and I are very close and he's over all of the time. I think I am decent looking, I have 2 jobs and think I am an "okay catch", even if I am quirky in my own way. (I mean, who's really a "good catch").

I recently read an article on yahoo by Dear Abby where a woman complained, "Where have all the middle aged men gone?" And here's why:

I had an older man/friend tell me yesterday, "You should get remarried now. It's too late for me." He's 78 and recently had a hospital illness where he almost died. When I asked him further about his reasoning (for me), he said, "I was scared and wanted someone to take care of me." Now personally, I thought that was a selfish reason but I guess we all have selfish reasons for marrying, whether that is as mundane as finding someone to cook for you.

Here's the thing. . .the last girl I dated had her tubes cauterized (they put a little squiggly thing in them) but was 2 weeks late once. She's 37.

I think another baby would just about put me into the insane asylum. I would feel ruined financially and emotionally, especially since I feel I never really married a maternal woman the first time around and I ended up taking so much on myself.

Yes, there was great friendship, sex, and intimacy (the reward) and I feel like I could be throwing a good thing away but the risk (a baby), no matter how infinitesimally small. . .I don't know, I just don't think it's worth it, you know? I mean there are rewards to being single that I can bask in is what I think.

I can't believe I have evolved this way, and I guess why I am posting this here is. . .am I missing something, ladies? Can a woman offer me something besides being a nursemaid on my deathbed?

I guess what I am asking you to do is "sell yourself" as a female where I don't see you as such a liability vs. an asset. I know that's a terrible thing to think, but lately I have lumped women, children and pets into the same category - liabilities (and I know those are 3 large categories). 

Is it that life is just so difficult nowadays? ("it's the economy, stupid?")

As a person who takes care of other people all day too in my job, I don't know, I feel so drained. I got aging parents too.

Okay, psychobabble away on me


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Huh. Well, if you see women as a liability, then they are going to pick up on that.

Most middle-aged women who are looking to remarry (or marry for the first time) have established careers and established lives. (Or they should...if not, you are looking at the wrong women.) They are not interested in your money, and for the most part, they are REALLY not interested in children. They either have their own already or they have decided not to have children. Some of the latter camp may be very interesting in step-parenting; I know I was.

But honestly, if you are worried that a woman who _has had her tubes cauterized _could somehow get pregnant with your magic swimmers? Oy. Yeah, you need to get your head on straight before you even consider marriage. Nothing wrong with dating around, just keep having fun but be kind and don't lead anyone on.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Don't need psychobabble. 

1. What's wrong with just dating? Enjoy the female presence just for the company, sex, whatever.... I think women your (my) age understand "just dating/ no long term commitment".

2. You MIGHT meet a woman who is nurturing enough to enjoy the children you have, who meets your needs and wants and wishes... who is not an added stressor, but rather an added bonus. 

3. Just be honest and up front about what you want AND don't want in a relationship... I really think that there are plenty of women in their 40's who want the same thing. 

4. Not all women are looking for someone to "take care of them".


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Lets face it marriage is work. My sister (43) has been single now for 12 years and like you has decided she sees no point in remarrying. She's got a lt boyfriend. He has his house and she has hers. They both have kids at home, both have jobs, etc. He wants to marry her but she has no interest. She just can't see the point at this stage in her life. 

So I'm with Sunny I bet there are plenty of women who want the same thing as you do. I don't think anyone should get married just because of some asset/liability tick mark spreadsheet type list. I don't want to be an asset to anyone. 

If you want to marry me it's because you want to wake up with me every morning and kiss me every night before bed. It's because you can't stand to be away from me for even one day. That's why you marry and if that's not how you feel then don't do it. Easy enough.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Scannerguard said:


> Yes, there was great friendship, sex, and intimacy (the reward) and I feel like I could be throwing a good thing away but the risk (a baby), no matter how infinitesimally small. . .I don't know, I just don't think it's worth it, you know?


If your only fear or barrier to getting married again is the possibility of a baby, then get a vasectomy.




Scannerguard said:


> I guess what I am asking you to do is "sell yourself" as a female where I don't see you as such a liability vs. an asset. I know that's a terrible thing to think, but lately I have lumped women, children and pets into the same category - liabilities (and I know those are 3 large categories).


I'm sorry, but that's disgusting. If this is how you feel about women, please leave them alone -- unless you're paying them for sex with favors or money or drinks or whatever, because you clearly just see them as objects. Seems you see pets and children that way, too. I can understand the clear division of pro/con if you're weighing your goals, but that is a pretty narrow-minded view about life. Reducing people into assets and liabilities is just another way of objectifying them.

The point of a partnership is to have someone who you enjoy with you along your path in life. If you don't want a permanent companion, don't get married! It's easy to have friends with benefits or temporary partnerships that are not lifelong commitments. Not every relationship needs to be a marriage. You clearly don't want a marriage, so it would be in your best interest to stick with women who don't want marriage either -- and be up front about that when you date so you don't hurt someone or get hurt yourself.


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## As You Wish (Jun 5, 2012)

You know, you could get someone pregnant even if you're not married, right?

I'm the one with kids (2, plus that little little squiggly thing you spoke of)so no more. My husband is childless but fertile. I should ask him if he sees me and the kids as a liability. 

I'll admit--when I was married before, once I was finished having babies, I insisted HE get snipped. Not only did I not want any more, I didn't want him having anymore and cutting my children out of potential resources.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

And I agree. Get a vasectomy.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> I'm sorry, but that's disgusting. If this is how you feel about women, please leave them alone -- unless you're paying them for sex with favors or money or drinks or whatever, because you clearly just see them as objects


I am not sure "objectifying them" and "qualifying them" are exactly the same thing.

How many times have we heard from women that having a man around the house is like having another child?

That's actually good sitcom humor when it's said that way. I realize if a man says it though, it's in bad taste.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

And BTW. . . my swimmers are the stuff that legends are made of, ladies. I'm warning ya. Just stay away, unless you want to get hurt. This thing is loaded and dead on accurate. 

You know, I will say this. . .in this regard I do feel bad for women. They can't win.

100 years ago, maybe even 50 years ago, women were judged and valued on their fertility. Men wanted women to bear them lotsa babies.

Now, I feel like I am cosigning a loan for $500,000. I know they don't want my money (as if I have a lot). . .that's not really what I am saying. 

I just feel like marriage is such an expensive institution to enter that perhaps it is only for the upper 2-5%, you know?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

_I can't believe I have evolved this way, and I guess why I am posting this here is. . .am I missing something, ladies? Can a woman offer me something besides being a nursemaid on my deathbed?_


Yeowch. If this is how you think of women, please do not remarry. 

Your friend is older and has his own life experpiences that have shaped his way of thinking. Who says you have to have another child(ren) if you were to remarry or shack up with someone? You have already been blessed with 3 children. Who says you have to remarry or date or anything at all?

Life is about choices. Do what you want. Not what someone else has told you that you "should" do. If you do decide to remarry one day, I would hope it would be for more than just having a "nursemaid on your deathbed." Ick.

As a divorced woman at 30 (plus one ) I can tell you that I am not sold on ever remarrying again. Does that mean I wouldn't want a partner or family in the future? No. But actually getting married again--it doesn't have the same appeal to me as it once did. My views have changed so much on marriage since going through a divorce. That doesn't mean I don't think marriage is great...for other people...I'm just not sure it is something for me, that I'd do again.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Scanner:
I can never decide how much of your sarcasm masks a deep-seated anger that you have never dealt with (how's that for psycho-babble?)

If you don't want to get a vasectomy, then wait until you are old enough to find a woman who has gone through menopause. You get married to have someone to laugh with, someone who brings out the best in you, someone to go on vacation with. I would not marry if I were you because you are not willing to share your life with anyone. Marriage is not a check and balance sheet.

Not everyone is suited to living with another person because there are always compromises to be made. Stay single, and pay a home care nurse when you need it at 78.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

No, I don't think of women as a "potential nursemaid", that was my friend (he's actually a patient. . .I try to avoid bringing my occupation into it). I was actually taken aback by it a bit. . .I guess he was feeling all alone in the hospital.

As I get older, for some reason, my patients feel it's their duty to take care of me too and advise me. 

It's like they care about me or something 

I like the one sign I saw on a delapidated beach shack on a back channel:

_Retired and Broke Doctor_

I can't help but think I'm going to live there someday.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Don't get married, dude.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I'm not really sure if you're asking about the kid/baby point.. or a reason to get remarried... because of wanting a "nursemaid" for old age.

Either way.. It doesn't sound like you ARE ready to get remarried. I'd say just date.

When you find the person that makes your heart sing.. that you want to feel companionship & friendship & romance & laughter with for the rest of your life... When you think you just couldn't do without her if she was gone...If she walks into the room & your face just lights up & glows... THEN you're ready to think about re-marrying.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> You get married to have someone to laugh with, someone who brings out the best in you, someone to go on vacation with.


Check that.

Scratch comedians, life coaches, and platonic friends 

No seriously, I don't think I am being sarcastic here as much as I am being self-deprecating in knowing "where I am at" emotionally. I am "trying" in my own little screwed up way, believe me.

And I am not angry.

When I have anger, I imagine it to be a little ball and I keep squishing it down til it's smaller and smaller and smaller and then I visualize burying it deep down.

(tick tock tick tock)


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Someone once told me that when a woman died in childbirth 100 years ago (yes, wow. . .only 100 years ago, maybe a little more - can you imagine?) that was the first thing the man, now saddled with kids did. . .the widower went out and found another woman and remarried.

Listening to this old man advise me, I find that a difficult concept to wrap my head around but that IS exactly what was done. So, he was only trying to help with perhaps how his world was colored when he was young.

I appreciate this forum though. They have very romantic views of marriage and I always appreciate hearing them.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Right now though, I think I need an Alice, not a Carol Brady.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I'm glad to hear you say that you know where you are emotionally.

And thus you know that you are no where near being ready to have a serious relationship.

I'm gathering that you are a doctor, which means there will plenty of young lovelies clamoring to open your scrubs with no strings attached. Have fun, use birth control (which YOU are in charge of), and get yourself back on track.

You don't ever have to marry again. Just don't lead women on. That's pretty much the only rule.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Scannerguard said:


> You know, I will say this. . .in this regard I do feel bad for women. They can't win.


Sure we can. Today's women can live the same lives as men. Equal rights I'm sure you've heard about it.

Don't feel sorry for me. I'm capable, can outearn my husband and I'm quite fabulous thank you very much.

I've earned it. One therapy session at a time. 

I don't need a man. I like having one yes but I don't need him. I got married because I wanted to not because I needed someone to care for me.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Right. . .in the meantime, I do think an "Alice" is a good idea.

You know, speaking of that, and this is tangential. . .my Gaydar (I think it's fairly sensitive) never went off on Robert Reed. I mean I guess I wasn't surprised, but I can't say he set it off. I think he played the Straight Dad pretty well. 

Good actor.

(although perming your hair should have set it off, men did do that in the 60-70's for some oddball reason)


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

If you need an Alice, then just pay for a housekeeper to come in once/twice a week.

If you want a daily & can afford it.. then advertise for a merry maid. 

but dont get that confused with dating the right woman & finding out that one day you DO fall in love again. Untill that happens, just wear the love glove. Sheath the sword. Or put the factory workers on stike. But do NOT believe her or trust her for the birth control. Pills get forgotten, diaphrams put in wrong, & tubal ligations become "undone" (about the same % of vasectomies becoming undone).


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> Sure we can. Today's women can live the same lives as men.


Sure.

Keep saying that. 

And I'll keep saying to myself, "There's really no inflation out there. Except for fuel and food."


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You're kind of a jerk.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Scannerguard said:


> Sure.
> 
> Keep saying that.
> 
> And I'll keep saying to myself, "There's really no inflation out there. Except for fuel and food."


Okay, Scanner, I've been holding back, but that comment put you clearly in the jerk camp. Also, I hope you are off today, because you sound a little tipsy.

Good luck with your life.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Mavash.. just his point of view.
I think he just realizes that woman do not get the same pay & respect at work like a single man gets.

He's probably old fashioned thinking that the young woman's place is barefoot & in the kitchen.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Marriage is not for everyone. I think that your 78 year old patient was yearning to be the most important person in someone's life, to have someone who would be devastated if he died. But you have to be willing to open yourself up to another person first. If you do not have that need in your life, then staying single is the way to go.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Huh. Well, if you see women as a liability, then they are going to pick up on that.
> 
> Most middle-aged women who are looking to remarry (or marry for the first time) have established careers and established lives. (Or they should...if not, you are looking at the wrong women.) They are not interested in your money, and for the most part, they are REALLY not interested in children.


I'm now middle aged. I have been a SAHM for 9 yrs, supporting our special needs child and my STBXH's career and post grad studies. I do not have an established career, nor my own money. I am now starting from basically scratch. Its going to take me a long time to become fully established again.

Does that make me the wrong woman for someone?


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Does that make me the wrong woman for someone?[/QUOTE said:


> If that someone is like scannerguard then, Yes. You'd just be a liability.
> 
> 
> To a human. no, You'd be valued on your personality, intelligence & looks.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

No, Broken, no. Don't misinterpret. You did work, supporting a home and a special needs child. I'm sorry that I offended you.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Chelle D said:


> Mavash.. just his point of view.
> I think he just realizes that woman do not get the same pay & respect at work like a single man gets.
> 
> He's probably old fashioned thinking that the young woman's place is barefoot & in the kitchen.


Oh I know but that's no reason to get snippy about it.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

LOL. . .I thought the comment was because people know my viewpoint is sincerely in the "post-feminism" camp (and actually my gf is here too, so we are in alignment).

I respect that viewpoint but totally disagree with it.

I think there was an old, old episode of Star Trek, TNG that said it well. Data created an artificial life and he was trying to decide which gender to make it.

The artificial life had the choice asked him what did it matter and he answered,

"Well based on your choice, your experiences will be experienced through that filter the rest of your life." (she chose female)

That piece of science fiction is an example of a post-feminist value vs. a feminist value.

Try to wrap your head around it.

Even though I disagree with that statement above (and anyone here who knows me knows this) I respect your value, even if it's on the decline.

But yeah, I can be a jerk too. . .we can leave it at that too.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> In my line of work I get just as much pay and respect as the men get. I said what I said because it's not applicable to ALL women.




I'm glad for you about your pay & respect. It's def. not noticed in my company. & the new VP has only hired young men with bachelor degrees from ages 20-25 in past 6 months. Sucks for the working mom's trying to find a steady job, because most of them could handle the workloads.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Chelle D said:


> I'm glad for you about your pay & respect. It's def. not noticed in my company. & the new VP has only hired young men with bachelor degrees from ages 20-25 in past 6 months. Sucks for the working mom's trying to find a steady job, because most of them could handle the workloads.


Oh I couldn't do it NOW. LOL I'm 46 with 3 young kids and that makes me a liability. 

Those 20 years old could smoke me now. The best I could hope for is some lame office job or a part time job at walmart. I hear they will hire anyone.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Scannerguard said:


> Even though I disagree with that statement above (and anyone here who knows me knows this) I respect your value, *even if it's on the decline*.


See why do you feel the need to say things like this?

What did I ever do to you?

Just disagree with me and let it go. Geesh.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I'm sorry, Mavash. I really do apologize.

I thought you were provoking me. Past topics here, nothing else. Nothing with you.

Thank you again.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

As You Wish said:


> You know, you could get someone pregnant even if you're not married, right?
> 
> I'm the one with kids (2, plus that little little squiggly thing you spoke of)so no more. My husband is childless but fertile. I should ask him if he sees me and the kids as a liability.
> 
> I'll admit--when I was married before, once I was finished having babies, I insisted HE get snipped. *Not only did I not want any more, I didn't want him having anymore and cutting my children out of potential resources.*_Posted via Mobile Device_


No offence, but quite possibly the most selfish thing I've ever heard. Now I know where my husband's ex is coming from. That's exactly something that she would say.

What about the ex husband hooking up with someone who had her own kids? Step-children can cut your children out of potential resources. As my kids do to H's ex.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As a 44 year old separated guy who's been seeing someone for over a year, I find this thread interesting. You have my approval. 

So why exactly haven't you been snipped? And why do you think you're more likely to procreate just because you have a wedding ring on your finger? I'm assuming your past 2 relationships haven't been platonic...

I can relate to what the old man says... I have no urge to get married anytime soon; I see that relationship as being of the most benefit if kids are involved. But I don't really want to grow old alone, either. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Well CandieGirl,

I do kind of get it. The whole step-kids, how do you be a benefactor in their lives, but are they a beneficiary. . .I kind of get it.

You start spreading your seed around it's like who gets what, where, when and how much? It has been said that heaven for a man is defined as:

"All the women you ever loved, your mom, your wives, your girlfriends waiting on you, and not one of them being jealous of each other."

If that's heaven, well, earth is. . .lol.

I know people at TAM have a very romantic view of the world/marriage and honestly, when I was 24, I was all with ya. . .full of hormones, semen, and love, but I guess I have grown up. There are economic issues that I am all too aware of and I feel like a piece of territory with flags and stakes in it.

Now of course, if my ex- wanted me to get snipped for whatever reason, I would tell her to go pound sand. She's not my mother, but yes, it's extremely complicated.

I don't know how blended couples do it and I tip my hat to them.

I know 1 women at work who has really embraced the role of stepmom very well. I applaud her.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

PBear,

It's actually only 1 past relationship. Only 2 women have climbed Mount Scannerguard and planted their flag.

Why haven't I been snipped?

I don't know. . .I think Peter said it best on Family Guy:

"If you are firing blanks, what's the use?"


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Scannerguard said:


> "If you are firing blanks, what's the use?"


To enjoy sexual pleasure w/o an unwanted pregnancy might be useful to you.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> PBear,
> 
> It's actually only 1 past relationship. Only 2 women have climbed Mount Scannerguard and planted their flag.
> 
> ...


Because firing blanks feels just as good, and there's no late night sweats about a missed period...

I've never tied my enjoyment of sex to my ability or desire to procreate. It wasn't any more enjoyable when my stbxw and I were trying to have kids, and it wasn't any less enjoyable after I got snipped and kids weren't an option. It WAS a hell of a lot less enjoyable when we were using condoms prior to mutual STD testing with my current GF. But I realize everyone is different...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Vasectomy?





Scannerguard said:


> Okay, I have been divorced now about 2 years, separated about 3 years and I actually have dated 2 different women, both lovely in their own separate way.
> 
> I posted this here in the Ladies Lounge for a specific reason. . .I feel like I am missing something.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Let me get this straight - your biggest single anxiety (which is completely valid and sane) is another child. And presented with a cheap, safe solution your response is to - quote a cartoon character - or sitcom writer? 

If I were a woman - and you told me that - I would conclude that you have already gone insane 




UOTE=Scannerguard;810709]PBear,

It's actually only 1 past relationship. Only 2 women have climbed Mount Scannerguard and planted their flag.

Why haven't I been snipped?

I don't know. . .I think Peter said it best on Family Guy:

"If you are firing blanks, what's the use?"[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

MEM you just made me laugh outloud.


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## As You Wish (Jun 5, 2012)

Yeah, I'd pass on any guy who was DEAD SET AGAINST any more kids but refused to have a vas. That's just crazy talk. And I'm sterile myself, so it wouldn't be about having babies, it would just be about staying away from the crazy.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

I think you are not ready for marriage.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

duppedtwice said:


> I think you are not ready for marriage.


:iagree::iagree::iagree: I think you (OP) have fallen out of the belief of "true love".


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Vasectomy....

Scannerguard,

God blessed/cursed me with a natural vasectomy.

From the way you write here, it sounds like you're confusing a vasectomy with castration.

I'm 50 years old now, and am still good for 2x a day plus a blowjob if the spirit moves her.

Believe me, "shooting blanks" and castration (removing testosterone from your body) are two entirely different things. When you think of the health risks from oral contraceptives, (and if you REALLY don't want additional children), it's the only humane thing to do.

A 31 year old woman I know dropped dead the other day of a pulmonary embolism.

I sincerely doubt this happens to her without the hormone supplements from her OC's.

Besides, reduced volume makes fellatio far easier to "complete". That's a "win-win" for any couple.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Conrad,
As a *Doctor *Scanner's grasp of anatomy and physiology is exceptional, as a Man, he seems to prefer using his continued fertility as a reason to deem female romantic partners a liability. 



Conrad said:


> Vasectomy....
> 
> Scannerguard,
> 
> ...


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## As You Wish (Jun 5, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> Conrad,
> As a *Doctor *Scanner's grasp of anatomy and physiology is exceptional, as a Man, he seems to prefer using his continued fertility as a reason to deem female romantic partners a liability.


And as a woman, I see that kind of "logic" to be it's own liability.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> PBear,
> 
> It's actually only 1 past relationship. Only 2 women have climbed Mount Scannerguard and planted their flag.
> 
> ...


In light of this thread am I the only one who sees the above commment as asinine??

Ummmm...if you're firing blanks you don't have to worry about the possible "liability" that might occur otherwise. You don't want children in any relationship under any circumstances...so wouldn't it make more sense to ensure that it doesn't happen on your end? After all...a baby can happen with or without that wedding ring.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

As....You....Wish,
I think you just threw Scanner down the side of a mountain. 





As You Wish said:


> And as a woman, I see that kind of "logic" to be it's own liability.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Mrs. T I think he also views just having a wife a "liability". Not just the risk of a baby.

I guess he'll only get remarried if she's filthy rich & is an "asset" instead? However, a smart rich woman would be too much for his ego, so he'll never find an "asset" to marry.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> I posted this here in the Ladies Lounge for a specific reason. . .I feel like I am missing something.


I have read enough of your posts over the last year to realize that you are indeed missing something Scanner...and it doesn't have anything to do with what you think is missing in women in this 'post-feminist world' - as you like to call it ... but it is something that is missing in you.

The world's bounty and all of its various female inhabitants do not exist just to make you happy. 

You know Albert Einstein? He was quite the philosopher as well as being a genius. Ponder this quote from him: “_The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving._” 

Why don't you look at what you can give back in this world, rather than just what you can get? In doing so, you might find that which you are missing.

Best wishes.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I think you may have hit the nail on the head enchantment!


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

The head charactor on Family Guy is a moron. Why would someone wanna use any line, phrase, etc from that stupid show to apply to real life?

And I WISH I could shoot blanks...natures birth control

With two failed marriages - both not my fault ad they have even admitted it was them...one her gambling and covering for her druggies son and the other with her past abuse and alcoholism.

Unless God himself parts the clouds, beams a holy ray of light followed by a rainbow and a dove aliting upon some woman's head with a banner stating, "This is the one to marry"..Ive had enough.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> LOL. . .I thought the comment was because people know my viewpoint is sincerely in the "post-feminism" camp (and actually my gf is here too, so we are in alignment).
> 
> I respect that viewpoint but totally disagree with it.
> 
> ...


oh Scanner.... I find it hard to resist your threads. Maybe it's because of the random Star Trek references.

PBear already asked the question that immediately entered my mind - and that is for you to get 'snipped' as he put it. You said your "swimmers are the stuff legends are made of" and then said you were firing blanks. Either way, sounds to me that you need to take care of business. 

There's no 'selling' from me in this post. If you are categorizing people and different relationships into liabilities and assets... then I only wonder what you feel you can bring to another? How you're able to feel compassion and receive it yourself? I wonder how you connect in the world? 

_
Humans do claim a great deal for that particular emotion (love). 
-- Spock, "The Lights of Zetar", stardate 5725.6_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I can kind of see where you are coming from. You married someone who wasn't an equal partner to you and I went through the same thing. I think you aren't ready or you just haven't met the right woman. I swore I would never remarry but I did. I found someone who is an equal partner and who also has stakes in him. We both have kids, exspouses, parents who need us. I get child support from my ex and he pays cs to his. 
Yes it's hard managing visitations and blending the kids but I feel like my step kids are a gift to my child and I.
We aren't perfect but we're working on it. Sometimes I feel maybe I took on too much but what I get in return reminds me of why I married him. Yes it's stressful but do is being a single parent. 
Honestly I think you need to find someone who already has kids, a career and is supporting herself and the kids and/or getting child support. You also need to look into why you don't want to get the big V. 
Maybe part of you is thinking maybe someday you might regret it. So don't do it. But don't have sex you use two forms of protection or the woman has a tubal. 
I get where you are on the liability issue, I really do. but don't put the cart before the horse. Just because you date doesn't mean you should love them or marry them. if someone comes along who fits with your life and has a lot to offer you'll know it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MmHo (Mar 29, 2012)

Scannerguard said:


> Okay, I have been divorced now about 2 years, separated about 3 years and I actually have dated 2 different women, both lovely in their own separate way.
> 
> I posted this here in the Ladies Lounge for a specific reason. . .I feel like I am missing something.
> 
> ...


If you don't want anymore children then take the matter into your own hands(well probably best leave it to an expert!!!!!! and have a vasectomy... just sayin


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