# How compatible are you?



## hehasmyheart

So, you're happily married....are there any major incompatibilities?

Do opposites really attract?


----------



## happy as a clam

No, opposites DON'T always attract!

I'm divorced, but now in a 4-year relationship with the love of my life.

We are EXTREMELY compatible... same sense of humor, same love of healthy diet and physical fitness, working out and lifting HEAVY weights, both love to hike, camp, shoot guns, ride motorcycles, practice archery, gardening & yard work, have LOTS of sex (!), love the same movies, music, and KISSING! We both love to laugh and are laid back...

My ex was my complete OPPOSITE and it didn't work out too well...


----------



## WorkingOnMe

I agree. Opposites do not attract. The main compatibility I have with my wife is our similar families and upbringing. Almost no compatibility beyond that. Career, hobbies, sex, style; we have substantial differences on all of these.

And no I would not call my marriage happy. At least not from my perspective.


----------



## Married but Happy

There may be fascination with someone who's dissimilar, but little or no compatibility.

We have a great marriage, even though neither of us is a proponent of marriage. It's because we are extremely compatible, from values, attitudes, beliefs, through interests to sex and beyond. We are also different and very much individuals, but on the same wavelength. Even after 15 years, we are as much in love as in the early days.

Compatibility is important, but we also think that for a marriage to work, each has to truly care about the other's needs and wants, and strive to enable them to receive them, and do so in ways that matter to the other person. Perhaps that can be simply put as sincere kindness and generosity.


----------



## hehasmyheart

com·pat·i·bil·i·ty


/kəmˌpadəˈbilədē/


noun

noun: compatibility





a state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict.

"he argues for the compatibility of science and religion"




synonyms:

like-mindedness, similarity, affinity, closeness, fellow feeling, harmony, rapport, empathy, sympathy 


"they argue a lot, but they also enjoy a real compatibility" 



•

a feeling of sympathy and friendship; like-mindedness.

"they felt the bond of true compatibility"








If there is a lot of conflict, it's simply incompatibility. No wonder it's a commonly used grounds for divorce.


----------



## notmyrealname4

There's a saying:

"Opposites attract; but not for long"

My husband and I have hardly anything in common.

One of the few things that we have in common is that we come from families with multiple divorces and substance abuse.

There was always an ability to understand each other and not have to explain why we feel the way we do about a lot of things in life.

When you don't have a lot in common, interest wise; you tend to have a "double solitaire" type of marriage.

And we have never had the same work schedule (different daily hours, different days off). Maybe that helps, who knows?


----------



## SimplyAmorous

hehasmyheart said:


> So, you're happily married....are there any major incompatibilities?
> 
> *Do opposites really attract?*


I have a different take on this.. when people speak of opposites, it can mean 2 different areas.. 

*1.* Temperaments the 4 Temperaments..Choleric...Melancholic...Phlegmatic..Sanguine.
*2.* Hobbies / enjoyments / beliefs, etc.. things that can cause much conflict down the road ...

For instance.. myself and H are opposite in Temperament (we feel this is a blessing for many reasons ....as his weaknesses are my strengths and my weaknesses are His strengths so when we come together as a team.. we are stronger...I admire him for those things that I may struggle with.. and he appreciates all I bring...

He is the "laid back" Phlegmatic, dry sense of humor...good at math (I suck)- where does he struggle.. English (I enjoy it)...

I would be more the "passionate -yet demanding" Choleric -(we are both secondary Melancholy)......My H is more patient over me.. but he is also more passive ... I am more "take charge, need to get things done".. more creative.. but I can have a temper, and be particular ... we both gotta watch we don't succumb to the bad in our temperament make up.. I feel his being the way he is....he gets me to laugh at myself when I get frustrated... and I have a way of getting him to OPEN up so I don't miss what he cares about...He can be predictable .. but I am good for shaking that up some and bringing the ideas/ some new adventure into our lives...











Now on Hobbies / interests / beliefs...this compatibility front....so much in common.. I don't know how I found someone so much like myself so early in life .. we missed it in a few areas over the years... but all in all.. we've always felt best friends & felt in sync with each other.. I feel because we do have so much in common..

***** We're both hopeless romantics..... we both wanted family/ children... both more traditionally minded.. he preferred I stay home with the children ...and this is what I wanted also for our family...

Both meticulous savers..(we've never had a fight over $$)..our goal was to be debt free as early as possible...we seek out bargains...we are content with the simple things in life , older cars are fine, don't need designer clothes / shoes or expensive cell plans... 

We both wanted to live in the country...neither of us care for sports... Love language wise, we're both Physical touchers with TIME at the top








... we're both geared homebodies, we're both naturally transparent with each other, can't keep secrets or would want to & love this about each other...

We both ENJOY watching movies together.. we both think Sex is the highlight of the day... both like a little porn (will watch together)...we're both very safety conscious, we think ahead to all the pitfalls that can befall with our choices (this is a melancholy trait )...on religion, ethics.. we just seem to flow in this also...

Adding this all up.. it just makes sense.... we "get" each other , there is a great acceptance .....even when we have conflict..







if we even try to stay away from each other, we can't do it.. we both humble ourselves and want to get back to the good..

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...ility-b4-vows-beyond-marital-harmony-joy.html


----------



## WorkingOnMe

One thing this thread made me think about, and I guess connect the dots on, is the root of my wife and my incompatibility. Because it doesn't just show up in the bedroom, it shows up in every aspect of our life. She has a very very narrow comfort zone and only moves out of it kicking and screaming. Sex, her choice of jobs, her willingness to take risks, her hobbies and activities are all well within her comfort zone. My comfort zone is very very wide and I'm always looking to expand it. I take risks in all aspects of my life and set ambitious goals. My wife rebels against that. She looks for opportunities to call me lazy even though all evidence points to the opposite. If we do something together that she is good at, she spends the entire time criticizing (I no longer run or horseback ride with her because of this). 

Anyway, when I think about it, it seems that our risk tolerences and willingness to go outside of our comfort zone are at the base of all of our incompatibilities. It's funny because our fathers are very similar (to each other) and really enjoy each others' company. But our mothers are not really alike. Her mother is nice and I love her as much as anyone loves their mother in law. But (you knew there was a "but") she rarely leaves the house anymore. She won't drive anymore (she's barely 60). She spends her days inside cooking, cleaning, hanging with the grandkids. They live on a riverside ranch with horses and class 3 rapids. I've shot the rapids many times with my father in law in his raft while she watched from the beach. My wife tells me she rides the horses sometimes, but I've never seen it.

My wife wasn't always like this, but I do fear that she's becoming her mother.


----------



## ChargingCharlie

Not at all - to be honest, I don't like spending time with her. Nothing really to talk about besides the kids. I look forward to her going out even if that means that I have the kids (which is at least once a week). Also issues with families (her sister is a total PITA and wife is afraid to stand up to her). Before kids, she loved my family. Now with kids, she acts like my mom is a bother, and I think my mom is picking up on that. 

If a genie showed up to grant a wish, I would seriously wish that I never met her (the old adage that you wish you knew then what you know now).


----------



## richardsharpe

Good evening all
very compatible but not identical. There is a lot of overlap in the things we like to do, so we can enjoy lots of things together. We do each have things we like that the other doesn't, so that is fine as well.


----------



## ConanHub

Maybe opposiites sometimes attract? My wife and I are very opposite on most points but identical on a couple of foundational ones.

23 years and giddy! We have had to learn to appreciate and capitalize on our differences however.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NoChoice

I think the number of differences translates into how "happy" the marriage is. My wife and I share some similar interests but she is very LD and I am more HD. I am a conversationalist and she barely speaks. I am very passionate and will almost never give up, she has almost no passion. If I weren't so hard headed, I probably would not still be here but I keep refusing to give up.:banghead::banghead::banghead:

What are those bricks put together with anyway jeeez.


----------



## Waits4Mr.Right

I think compatability is Very important! I'm still an individual inside my relationship and very much independent But I still need and want to be with my best friend. That is highly unlikely if we have next to nothing in common. 
The major difference in out relationship is he is a leader, a teacher and has the patience for it. Thank God! I have no patience to teach anyone anything...I think I've improved by being a parent but that's a different category all together. I can teach a child but an adult, I don't know. I grow impatient to be honest. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


----------



## CuddleBug

hehasmyheart said:


> So, you're happily married....are there any major incompatibilities?
> 
> Do opposites really attract?



Mrs.CuddleBug and I are opposites.

Her main love language is Acts of Service and my love language is Physical.

She has a much lower vanilla sex drive

I have a high adventurous sex drive

She talks about something and it usually doesn't get done or takes forever.

I talk about something and its done yesterday

I would say main incompatability is sex drive. I've been sexually starved with my LD wifee for our entire 15 year marriage but 2014 the light went on for her and she got it. She now weight trains, cardio, 4x week, counts calories, new clothes, hair styles, braces, lost 50+ lbs and her sex drive went from 1x month to 2x week.

She still doesn't initiate and I have to or no sex and she wonders why?!

She is more passive and needs me to lead and gets things done, so I do all that no problem.


----------



## Faiora

Hmm. 

My husband is someone I never would have met or gotten to know in person, because we're in such different social groups, and have such different interests, beliefs, and approaches to life. When I met him he was an outgoing joker type who didn't take school seriously and spent most of his time out with friends getting drunk. I was a straight-A student with 1-2 close friends at any given time, who didn't drink or enjoy loud social situations. 

We met online in a chat room about 13 years ago, in our teens. We talked every single day from the first day, and our differences were interesting to us, especially because we could talk so easily. The internet is an amazing place where you can be honest with people and learn about them in a way that's difficult in person. You go past the surface, and see what people are really like under the jokes, or behind the shyness. And I guess we saw that we had more in common than we thought. 

On the surface, we've both become more like each other as the years have gone by. He's a lot more serious, and calm, and I drink and I like to go out dancing with my sister, and have that kind of sensory fun. We never had any intention of changing each other; it's just something that's happened naturally. That's not to say we've made any complete shifts—he's still far more social than I am—but I'm become more like him, and he's become more like me. 

Our interests are still very different. I always have a project on the go, and I love reorganizing and structuring things. I'll tear the whole house apart and put it back in a new way. He's more traditional and steady. He likes to know he's working stably, and can come home and watch TV. But we let each other do our own things, and involve each other to a moderate degree. For example, I go to a weekly writing group and he'll drive me there every 6th week when it's my turn for food. And he usually comes along to our group social nights every couple months to hang out and play board games. It's supportive of him, and it lets me know he cares about my interests. I've taken him out to a concert I knew he'd like. I'm sure there are more examples but those are what come to mind. 

The thing we do have in common, and I think always have had in common, is a want to build our goals together as a team: 

We've got plans for our life together, and we talk about those plans every day, and figure out how we're going to achieve them. We have meetings about various things every week to improve our lives. Tidy Tuesdays, for instance, and Our Friday meetings which are Goal meetings every other week, and accounting meetings on the off weeks. Sunday recently became hobby day, since he recently took up model building/painting (like, scale model cars) so we can both work on our own things at the same time, together. This probably sounds too structured and set for some people, but it works for both of us so it must be a pretty big similarity.


----------



## Threetimesalady

We are so compatible it's off the wall...Sometimes I wonder why age has meant nothing...In fact if anything I would say it has made us closer...However, I do find with his being 79 in a few short months that he is very prone to want me at 5 in the morning...This was difficult for me to handle at first, but now realize that the male hormones are raring to go at this time of the morning...

Our love is perfect...Our eyes dance when we see each other and I can put the fear of God in him when I am mad....But the fear does not last....I cannot hold a grudge even if he said something stupid and remember the two times in the last 18 months when I just about lost him...There I changed as I have found myself change...Patience and love have surfaced and each moment is special...

Older age is not something to be feared it is so special...I (we) have been so blessed...

May all have a wonderful Holiday Season and happy New Year...Take care...Caroline...


----------



## Trickster

I am giver/people pleaser. My wife likes receiving... It was very compatible for a very long time.

Our spouse is suppose to make us a better person. We should, to so degree, adopt each others good qualities.With all of our temporary issues, I still think I am better person with my wife. She was a huge part of that. I just have to accept that my wife doesn't care to grow herself.


----------



## Threetimesalady

I do want to add this to my above post... We were compatible from the day we met...He was and is the kind of guy/man that I desired...I was into and still am in the sports world and he was a jock...This was not a planned happening, it just happened...However I feel this for us made for a happier relationship....Along the way we had children...These we had while we were young...Those times were easy on a relationship as we were so busy....Despite this we remained and have always been lovers...This, to me in important in any relationship.....

Along the way we grew with our 56 year old marriage...We each changed...He aged faster than I did and I in some ways became the leader of the pack...Not that I ever put him down, (in fact I build him up) but that my thirst for knowledge increased and multiplied...It still does...This is the reason I am so gifted in the business world...It has nothing to do with me as a person it has to do with my refusing to let age hamper me and go into that tailspin that far too many aging people go into...

We as a couple are still as deeply and passionately in love as all our years combined...We cherish each moment together...The connection is so tight that we even think the same thing at the same time...Yet, I am constantly pushing him to his potential...Not harassing him, but a gentle nudge...These are the things that the older generation must remember in growing old with their spouse/partner....

For us life is good...Much of this is because I was not content being content...My mind was never happy with the "is that all there is" phase....I believe your brain stops working when you die...I am still in the budding stages...My only problem being I can't truly accept that I will soon be 78....Kind of blows my mind....All of this because I married the love of my life who I felt so compatible with....I just adore him...Take care...Caroline...


----------



## ConanHub

Coolness!&#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

