# A letter to katej



## eyeswideshut (May 9, 2012)

KateJ 
My heart aches to here your story, I don't believe that you are an evil person. and i feel that you love your husband on some level. I wish that instead of speaking to you thru my key board that i was sitting face to face with you holding your hand and looking into your eyes so you would feel my sincerity when i tell you I want to help, So here i am reaching out to you thru this dark ether to connect with a fellow human being, please know that i only want what is best for YOU! and I promise to speak only with your interest in my heart and I do not judge you. I am going to speak in all honesty. You do deserve a happy and fulfilling life but I fear you have started down a path that will lead to your ultimate ruin and destruction, here is what i see.

Your actions in cheating on your husband was not a mistake but a decision of extreme selfishness here is why i say that . You did not feel bad enough to stop after the first time, you enjoyed the sex with the OM with passion , greed and lust. When you went home you did not imitatively tell your husband what you did that is not remorse or love. You fully intended to keep this a secret:

And here is a big one, I have noticed that you are still calling The OM your "friend" this also shows lack of true remorse and love for your husband, he has conspired with you to destroy both your husband and his wife and family this is not a friend but someone you should despise or even hate he has used you just as someone uses a towel to wipe their dirty hands on. Think about this!!!

KATEJ!!! KATEJ!!! KATEJ!!!
YOU HAVE TO FIND OUT WHO THE FATHER OF THIS BABY IS. What if your child is your husbands and you destroy it. There will be no recovery for you.

This has already destroyed your marriage: I Guaranty that your husband has noticed the change in your personalty even if he has not said anything to you: and it will get worse.

What if the OM's wife finds out what you two have done, which is a real possibility, by being told by her husband or by some other means? will she keep your secret?

BY you not telling your husband you are again acting in extreme selfishness, Please do not kid your self about not telling him because you "love him" and do not want to "hurt him" It is because you do not want the consequences that will come upon yourself if you do tell him. THIS IS NOT LOVE!

Many things are called Love But are only a disguise for something else: There is no greater love than to give up your soul for someone else. Love is Selfless.

This extreme selfishness will still be there if you do not deal with it and when time has put you back into life's routine it will manifest itself in many ways. Let me ask you this: before you cheated on your husband did you ever think that you wold betray him this way? NO, but you did. Now you say you will never cheat again how do you know? I am sure you feel right now that it will never happen again. but you have about 85% chance of doing it again. Yes you do!!!

Here is what I will tell you what should do:

Tell your Husband everything, do not fight back and never give even the sightliest hint of any blame on him: take all the blame on yourself. This will be the hardest thing you will ever do and it will result in the biggest storm you will ever face. But Storms can and are survived : it will be an act of True Love. HE may do a dark 180 . this will help protect himself respect this and always be available for him when he wants you. After some of your husbands anger has cooled down he will start to evaluate his feeling for you at this point days will feel like months and a week will feel like years, time will slow down to a crawl. But here is what he will see.

1) That you told him when you did not have to because you felt real remorse for what you have 
done.

2) That you have taken all the blame and none of it was his fault he will know this because you will have put yourself in IC without having to be told to try and fix you.

3) you will have cut all contact with your Ex- friend on your own because you now despise him.
also you have cut off any friendships with other men . This needs to be a permanent boundary for you. 

4) you have disclosed everything to the OM' wife so that she can deal with her marriage and family.

5) You have made yourself available for him even if it seems as if everything is lost you will have remained faithful. Please do not confide in or go to any other man for comfort this is a form of infidelity and this also needs to be a permanent boundary for you.

Here is also something you can do: write him a letter every two weeks or so about how you are changing and how much you love him. then after he has gotten a number of them he will be able to lay them out in front of himself and will be able to see clearly the progress you have made and how you really do love him.

You say he will leave you for sure. I think there is hope and you will be surprised at how things will turn out. At this point why would he want to R with you? Because you are now a woman deeply in love and devoted to him and a much better person and wife, and as the trust grows he will come to feel that you will never do it again. 

PLEASE KateJ show him you really love him no matter what happens to you and Please post here because I have seen many people helped here their are many experienced and sincere people here that can help. 

Your FRIEND


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Dont waste your time and energy, she wont tell her husband, she decided it earlier, she came here for conformation but received the opposite advice. so she abandoned her thread. She may be looking for help in Cheaters forum.


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## MOMMY2ONE (Mar 6, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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