# Toxic Friend



## Jo3163 (Apr 17, 2017)

Hello. I'm new here. I need friends to tell me if how I'm feeling is right or wrong. So, my husband has a brother that he's very close to. They're in their 50s. Hubby's bro has a toxic friend who is a woman-hater, lives with bro and sponges off of him, brainwashes him because bro's wife died 2 yrs ago and bro is also big-hearted and lonely. So, the toxic friend, we'll call him Mooch, has tried to get rid of more than one person close to bro over the past 4 years since he showed up on the scene. Finally, it was my turn. I tried to get along with Mooch because I love my brother-in-law but Mooch had other plans. He started verbally abusing me, calling me things like "fat bi-ch, fat ****" and said things like "you need to run around the block a few times." These things were told to me on the phone so when I had a fit and tried to tell my hubby that I didn't want him to go to his bro's anymore, all hell broke loose. Bro was mad, hubby was mad and I was hurt. My son wanted to go kick Mooch's ass but my hubby just wanted to see his bro. So, long story short, Mooch has now come up with "I'm dying of cancer" but there's no proof and now hubby and bro feel sorry for him and I continue to look like the *****. Hubby goes to bro's every single Saturday no matter what and if I try to get him to stay home, he pouts and nitpicks at things. As long as he gets to be around Mooch, whom he now adores just like bro does, then hubby treats me good. But I'm still hurt. I've only told you a few things that Mooch said to me. There's been more but it's never around hubby or bro, even though I've told them everything. I don't feel loved. Help.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

I don't know what to say, other than if I were your husband I would kick his ass whether or not he has cancer. And probably the brother too, if he got in the way. 

No one calls my wife things like that without me unleashing an industrial sized can of whoop-ass on them.

Does hubby not believe that he says those things? If so, try recording him.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Can you invite Bro over to your home? That way, your hubby and you can see him without Mooch? You will not be able to stop your hubby from seeing his brother (nor should you want that) however, if you can get bro away from Mooch on those visits, that might help the situation.

You say that Mooch has alienated Bro's friends, how about turning the tables on Mooch and hosting a gathering at your home with Bro and his friends, without inviting Mooch?

Your third alternative could be that you go with your hubby to visit Bro anyway. Allow Mooch to start with the insults and call him out. "Excuse me???...WHAT did you just say to me"? Don't make it a fight, however, see if your hubby or his bro take up for you, or even notice. Draw out Mooch's nastiness for all to see and see what happens. But you need to keep your cool and not allow yourself to be baited into a fight. Leave all the drama on Mooch.

Good luck with the situation! You are not wrong is disliking Mooch for the way he speaks to you and others. However, you need to take control of the situation and not allow yourself to be labeled the "bad guy".


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Express strong opposition to your husband visiting his brother at his brother's residence. Have him invite his brother to your home and not this other guy. Tell him that visiting his brother on any other terms will disrespect you, since by socializing with Mooch, he maintains a friendship with someone who has verbally attacked his wife!

I believe it's irrelevant if your husband believes you or not. Your word (as his wife) should trump the word of Mooch, assuming this other guy denied saying these things to you. And if your husband has befriended someone with cancer, that friend must respect you, regardless of his health. This is a line that shouldn't be crossed.

I don't condone violence over insults and disrespect. If people are poisonous and cross lines, cut them out of your life.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

manwithnoname said:


> I don't know what to say, other than if I were your husband I would kick his ass whether or not he has cancer. And probably the brother too, if he got in the way.
> 
> *No one calls my wife things like that without me unleashing an industrial sized can of whoop-ass on them.*
> 
> Does hubby not believe that he says those things? If so, try recording him.


Yes, did that...and spent a night in jail.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Jo3163 said:


> As long as he gets to be around Mooch, whom he now adores just like bro does, then hubby treats me good. But I'm still hurt. I've only told you a few things that Mooch said to me. There's been more but it's never around hubby or bro, even though I've told them everything. I don't feel loved. Help.


So go with hubs the next time he visits his brother. Observe Mooch. My guess is that Mooch will be sickeningly sweet to you and wonder why you don't love him as much as hubs and bro. He may toss out a few oblique barbs, but if you acknowledge them, he'll turn it around on you and your dislike of him.

Going to see how he operates will at least give you a solid heads-up as to what you are up against. Just don't be alone with him under any circumstances, because he'll start his trash talk. If he calls and starts in on you? QUICKLY end the conversation with, "Sorry I have a cake in the oven."

I realize my suggestion is only a temporary fix, but at least you'll know what you're up against.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Yes, did that...and spent a night in jail.



Well if that is where you honed your entertaining literary skills, then it was all worth it my friend.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Or get a var and call him and record it


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

If you're telling me your husband is letting cancer kill this scum before he does, then you've got some prize on your hands. Nobody would speak to my wife in that manner and expect to see the next sunrise, brother included.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

manwithnoname said:


> I don't know what to say, other than if I were your husband I would kick his ass whether or not he has cancer. And probably the brother too, if he got in the way.
> 
> No one calls my wife things like that without me unleashing an industrial sized can of whoop-ass on them.
> 
> Does hubby not believe that he says those things? If so, try recording him.


It should start with your husband kicking his ass, then your son kicks hes ass and then your BIL should kick his ass on the way to throwing him out of his home. Problem solved. 

And just for the hell of it you may has well take a couple shots at him as well!

I say hooray for your son for being such a good boy, at least he was offended enough to be pissed.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Go visit with Hubby and don't take on Mooch. Be nice to him and see what happens. And tape everything he says to you. 

I love your son by the way. He is ready to defend his mama.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

There has to be a reason that "mooch" has completely brainwashed your husband and brother in law.
I would suggest drugs.Just a thought.


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## Jo3163 (Apr 17, 2017)

He believes it because Mooch didn't deny it. Just said he didn't mean it and he was just drunk, blah, blah, blah. Drinkers are different than normal men, in my opinion. They need their drinking buddies almost more than their spouses. I've never been considered to be fat or ugly so that makes the comments even worse for me.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Mooch sounds like an ugly nasty drunk, who thinks because he was drunk that excuses his nasty behavior. Start inviting your BIL over. Cook some nice stuff for the guys, let your H knows in advance that his brother is coming over and let them know this is family time. Mooch not invited. 

I hate nasty drunks. I avoid them like the plague.


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## Jo3163 (Apr 17, 2017)

Thank you all. The brother-in-law's wife died. They didn't get along so he didn't even like being around hubby & me before she died because for the most part, we get along & hubby is affectionate; seems like almost more affectionate around bro, which kinda irritates me because I feel like he isn't sincere but just showing off. I'm going to have to figure out how to reply to individual replies - if anyone can tell me, that would be great. As for me going over there, one thing is, they stay outside and I'm light-skinned so I don't tan, I burn & I can't breathe that well in heat over 70. I'm starting to hate the way I'm sounding - like a poor me. I usually just hold all of this inside. It's therapy just to type it out.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Go to the bottom and click quote and then you type in your reply in the bottom.


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## Jo3163 (Apr 17, 2017)

I moved out in 2009. Hubby & hubby's family acted like I was scum because my husband is legally blind so it was like I was leaving a 'blind man' when in reality, he can see a lot of things - just can't drive. I missed him, he missed me so we continued to see each other as often as possible - at least once a month - I was an hour away. So, after the same schmoozy "things will be better" - I moved back in 2014. People don't change. I went to a marriage counselor once when married to my son's father (the entire relationship only lasted 3 years.) The marriage counselor said I had 2 choices; 1. Accept hubby the way he is because people don't change unless they want to. or 2. Leave. I left and got a divorce. But I didn't love him the way I love my current husband. I was attracted to him from the start, he is the brother of a woman who, at the time, was my best friend. She was married to my brother too. So, for a while, it was great. The bottom line is, I believe my husband loves me as much as he's capable of loving any woman; he just may love his party buddies and party brother more. Can I live with that? We've been 'together' for 20 years and married for 18. I just have to let it go and get more personal interests and get more of my own life outside of my husband and our relationship. I've worked from home since 2005. Maybe I need to go back to the office. Idk.


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

I'd seriously reevaluate my relationship with BIL for having such a d-bag friend, honestly. I wouldn't want Mooch around my family or me, especially if I had daughters. He's a misogynistic abuser who sounds highly unstable.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> When meeting up with Mooch, bring a frying pan with you. Or a wooden rolling pin.
> 
> Tap it against an open palm. He will get the message.
> 
> Chances are....if he knows you are coming, he will be "outa there".


It's more likely that he will get the frying pan or rolling pin away from her and use it himself in retaliation. This has to be the dumbest advice you can give someone.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

WonkyNinja said:


> It's more likely that he will get the frying pan or rolling pin away from her and use it himself in retaliation. This has to be the dumbest advice you can give someone.


Uh, that was a joke, from me....J.O.K.E. 

How do you survive in this Zoo, that we call Earth?


AND, mind you....you are Wonky Ninja? 

The "Wonky" seems to have fallen off the Ninja. Leaving you cold, naked and cranky!

Lighten up, buttercup.


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## Jo3163 (Apr 17, 2017)

Update: Mooch broke into brother-in-law's locker and stole some things. Bro told Mooch he had to go. Mooch says he can't leave til May 3rd. Remember folks, when you invite someone to live with you - even if it's an RV in the backyard hooked up to your electricity - it's hard to get them out. My anger is, now after months and years of my husband getting closer and closer to Mooch and taking up for Mooch over my devastated feelings, suddenly hubby is agreeing with bro - that Mooch is a piece of crap. It's sad when you realize that you've spent 20 yrs of your life loving a man who 'said' he loved you too but shows something totally different after he finds something he needs elsewhere. I don't know what the attraction is to Mooch but he definitely had my husband's loyalty until today and I think he secretly still does. Just like Brian Wilson was able to be brainwashed by a man for years. I don't know how the brainwashers do it because I'm not that evil but from what I've observed, the brainwasher consistently does things to make people feel sorry for him and then lies about things he does for charity like helping veterans and if his victims are naïve or vulnerable, he can suck them dry of money and lives and loves can be ruined forever.


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## hylton7 (Jan 24, 2017)

record it and show you husband proof.


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