# Why Do Women Let Themselves Go Once They're Married?



## bogey

Once settled in, most women just seem to let themselves go, why is that? I have friends that are married also and they agree the girl they dated and feel in love with is not the same woman they are married to now. The consensus is it happens after kids, once she assumes the 'mom' role, but the sad thing is my wife and I don't have any kids and she's already let yourself go. Over the past 2 months she's gained 15 pounds, her hair is left unkempt, she's stopped doing little things like manicures and pedicures, etc. she still tries to dress sexy like she did when we were dating but it just looks sloppy now in her current state. It's unfortunate because my wife is HOT when she takes care of herself, but now I'm afraid she's gonna stop caring now that she's 'settled'..and she has the nerve to get mad at me when she catches me watching porn


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## Tiberius

Sorry, but are you trying to excuse yourself about watching porn?
Are you saying that your wife is overweight and unattractive, so you have to ogle the 'perfect' bodied pheumatic dolls and achieve sexual satisfaction?
Why not ask yourself why your wife has let herself go.
She could be unhappy with something and could not care less about her looks at the moment.
Have you incouraged her to maybe go to the salon and have a manicure/pedicure? Something like-sweethart, I loved when your nails were done or I love when you come home home with a new hairstyle, you look good/sexy/attractive?
Go and get her a voucher from a beauty place as a present if you can not say it.
And for the weight, gentle hints again can encourage her to join a gym, watch what she eats, exercise etc.Not ALL women let themselves go, only the ones who do not have the time because they have too much to do in the house/kids, no money or the ones who do not care about their appearance due to being bothered by something.

And for your porn watching-read the other posts on this forum about how we women feel about it.


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## CandieGirl

Usually these people should take a good look in the mirror...


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## tacoma

bogey said:


> Once settled in, most women just seem to let themselves go, why is that? I have friends that are married also and they agree the girl they dated and feel in love with is not the same woman they are married to now. The consensus is it happens after kids, once she assumes the 'mom' role, but the sad thing is my wife and I don't have any kids and she's already let yourself go. Over the past 2 months she's gained 15 pounds, her hair is left unkempt, she's stopped doing little things like manicures and pedicures, etc. she still tries to dress sexy like she did when we were dating but it just looks sloppy now in her current state. It's unfortunate because my wife is HOT when she takes care of herself, but now I'm afraid she's gonna stop caring now that she's 'settled'..and she has the nerve to get mad at me when she catches me watching porn


I think I can understand why your wife may be depressed.


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## Tall Average Guy

bogey said:


> Once settled in, most women just seem to let themselves go, why is that? I have friends that are married also and they agree the girl they dated and feel in love with is not the same woman they are married to now. The consensus is it happens after kids, once she assumes the 'mom' role, but the sad thing is my wife and I don't have any kids and she's already let yourself go. Over the past 2 months she's gained 15 pounds, her hair is left unkempt, she's stopped doing little things like manicures and pedicures, etc. she still tries to dress sexy like she did when we were dating but it just looks sloppy now in her current state. It's unfortunate because my wife is HOT when she takes care of herself, but now I'm afraid she's gonna stop caring now that she's 'settled'..and she has the nerve to get mad at me when she catches me watching porn


So are you the same guy she was dating? You still taking her out on the town and doing all the little things you used to do for her? Or are you settling (like the porn, for example)?

Look, the things you are describing are not unusual in a marriage for either the man or the woman. But in this case, your wife is making an effort (dressing up) and your post indicates that you probably let her know that it is a fail. Is that the message you want to send? Do things for her and you that keeps that spark, whether it is getting her a gift certificate to get her nails done to taking walks together to romancing her a little. 

You can't make her do anything. You can, however, take the lead and work to get your marriage to where you both want it.


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## dubbizle

Tiberius-get off the porn hate.It has been around way before our time and will stay around.The industry now is driven a lot by women and supported by women,YES there are women in to porn just as men are.The sex shops that have carpet and have women staff were not made to look nice and non-threatening for men.

It is unfortunate that he is comparing his wife to ANY woman and not excepting her for who she is.


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## Mrs. T

The same reason men do I imagine.


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## Mistys dad

Bought her a day at the spa recently?


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## Gratitude

Sometimes we become more comfortable, and relaxed around our partner that we let ourselves go a little bit because we know our partner loves us for who we are. I don't know if everybody really lets themselves go (I'm sure some do) but a big factor is age. As time goes by, your body changes. The 21 year old body looks different 20 years later. And especially for women, it's hard to get back to how you were after pregnancy. 

If your wife is making an effort, then she is making an effort. All I can say is that if you want her to change her appearance like lose weight, AND she wants to, then negative comments are not going to help her. Lifting her up and being positive is going to work better.
And just so you know, being a mum takes it's toll. Not only your body, but you have less time to do your hair and nails. That's life. You should love your wife for who she is and what's she's provided for you. If you want to have an honest conversation about this instead of silently resenting her in the corner, make sure you demonstrate tact. Something like "you haven't done your nails/hair lately, I loved it when you did that! So sexy" will be more effective than put downs.


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## norajane

> Over the past 2 months she's gained 15 pounds, her hair is left unkempt, she's stopped doing little things like manicures and pedicures, etc.


Have you only been married 2 months?

No? Longer? Then it wasn't simply "marriage" that caused her to "let herself go".

What happened 2 months ago? Something caused this change in her.


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## canttrustu

bogey said:


> Once settled in, most women just seem to let themselves go, why is that? I have friends that are married also and they agree the girl they dated and feel in love with is not the same woman they are married to now. The consensus is it happens after kids, once she assumes the 'mom' role, but the sad thing is my wife and I don't have any kids and she's already let yourself go. Over the past 2 months she's gained 15 pounds, her hair is left unkempt, she's stopped doing little things like manicures and pedicures, etc. she still tries to dress sexy like she did when we were dating but it just looks sloppy now in her current state. It's unfortunate because my wife is HOT when she takes care of herself, but now I'm afraid she's gonna stop caring now that she's 'settled'..and she has the nerve to get mad at me when she catches me watching porn


Do you weigh her?


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## ScaredandUnsure

Angel5112 said:


> This all from the man who said this;
> 
> 
> 
> And this;
> 
> 
> 
> ….Maybe this explains why she has let herself go.
> 
> You two sound like you have a very volatile relationship.


Nice. Sounds like a man I'd want to keep myself up for.


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## bogey

canttrustu said:


> Do you weigh her?


she told me herself that she gained that much in a short span. the thing that distressed me the most was she didn't seem to care; she was very nonchalant about the whole thing


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## Prodigal

bogey said:


> the thing that distressed me the most was she didn't seem to care; she was very nonchalant about the whole thing


I doubt she was feeling nonchlant when she pushed your buttons and you got physical. Her calling you names is wrong. You pushing her is wrong.

She very well may not care about your opinions or what she looks like anymore.

Sounds like a relationship that could use some serious marriage counseling.


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## rundown

Maybe she doesn't care anymore what a great fella like you thinks.


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## OhGeesh

I see it all the time cause look how many fat people there are.....!! My wife goes from 115lbs working out tons, diet, dance etc to 130lbs a little more lax..........I like her at 130  hell I wouldn't mind 135 and that's after 3 kids.

While I was 205lbs out of highschool I'm 225-235 now..........not a 6 pack, but could be worse. I do want to get to 215 though.

No easy way to say it, but you have to !!


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## Jeff/BC

bogey said:


> Once settled in, most women just seem to let themselves go, why is that?


I have to say that I dislike this assertion about as much as I like hearing "men are cheaters". I don't like painting 3.5 billion humans with such a negative statement.

As I reflect on my wife and the wives of our friends, not one of them fits the description.


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## MominMayberry

Post a picture of your self. We can give you advice then.


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## waiwera

To me it seems that generally men look no better or worse than the women (before or after marraige)..society simply has higher ideals of how a woman _should_ look.

To the OP you sound like a complete a&se but I do understand that for some/many men physical attraction is an important need. If this need isn't being met... well that's not an easy discussion even for the most highly skilled communicator and loving spouse. 

I seriously doubt you have the kindness & caring to tell your wife without abusing her and making things worse.

Maybe just buy her the ticket to the spa...

PS: Had to add OP...go find the thread about the young wife whose spunky husband comes to bed at night with ****ty pants! 
He doesn't shower or brush his teeth tuesday, thursday or weekends.... ah well at least he didn't gain 15lbs ah!!


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## endlessgrief

I don't remember anything being said about a spouses weight. Let me think . . . sickness and health . . . . love and honor . . . . forsake all others . . . . cherish each other . . . .

Hmmm, nothing in the vows about gaining weight. :wtf:


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## CH

So all men are still almost the same weight when they met their wife.

Let me see, 125lbs and now 20 years later 170 lbs. That damn beer gut fairy is to BLAME!!! Or that's what I tell my wife. And yes I'm finally working on my weight.

It's not just women who let themselves to.

My wife as 95lbs when we met, after 3 kids she's at about 115lbs and still looks great to me. Filled out a little bit but damn more cushion for the pushing baby! And no, she's not fat at all. All the relatives are jealous of her because she could still pass for a mid 20s lady and hasn't ballooned up like others. Probably because I've told her if she gets fat things aren't gonna be kosher. Although my fat @ss has to lose some weight, damn double standards.


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## Runs like Dog

Casually walking through Target and such it's pretty obvious everyone has gone to hell. Man, woman, child. Damn, eat some fruit or something. A carrot. Anything. What's wrong with you?


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## CH

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> NOT, "Hey, Lard Ass! Did you wipe out that whole package of Nutter Butter already??!"


LOL, made me spew coke all over my screen. I still got a couple of boxes of Nutter Butter (well they call it something else now) in the house. I think I've still have like 15 or so boxes of girl scout cookies. We had to buy up the excess the troop had, when did they start splitting all the excess between the girls in the troops and make the parents pay......


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## EleGirl

dubbizle said:


> Tiberius-get off the porn hate.It has been around way before our time and will stay around.The industry now is driven a lot by women and supported by women,YES there are women in to porn just as men are.The sex shops that have carpet and have women staff were not made to look nice and non-threatening for men.
> 
> It is unfortunate that he is comparing his wife to ANY woman and not excepting her for who she is.


While porn has been around for a very long time, it has never been as plentiful and available as it is now. For this reason a lot of people, mostly men, are getting to the point where they neglect their spouse because they prefer to use porn. It's become a huge problem in many relationships.


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## EleGirl

bogey said:


> Once settled in, most women just seem to let themselves go, why is that? I have friends that are married also and they agree the girl they dated and feel in love with is not the same woman they are married to now. The consensus is it happens after kids, once she assumes the 'mom' role, but the sad thing is my wife and I don't have any kids and she's already let yourself go. Over the past 2 months she's gained 15 pounds, her hair is left unkempt, she's stopped doing little things like manicures and pedicures, etc. she still tries to dress sexy like she did when we were dating but it just looks sloppy now in her current state. It's unfortunate because my wife is HOT when she takes care of herself, but now I'm afraid she's gonna stop caring now that she's 'settled'..and she has the nerve to get mad at me when she catches me watching porn


Your wife is most likely depressed because she's married to a man who is emotionally and physically abusive. Makes sense to me that she would be struggling.



> I told her maybe if she dressed more appropriately men would have more respect for her. It's not my fault she dresses like a **** sometimes..





> I got in her face and pushed her hard into the wall.


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## ShawnD

EleGirl said:


> While porn has been around for a very long time, it has never been as plentiful and available as it is now. For this reason a lot of people, mostly men, are getting to the point where they neglect their spouse because they prefer to use porn. It's become a huge problem in many relationships.


If your sexual skills are second place to a HAND then you should probably find some kind of sex skills coach or something.


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## that_girl

*SOME* women do.

I haven't. 

Unless it's 10pm and I'm at home and sharing a beer with my hubs after foolin' around. then it's sweats and a tank.


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## that_girl

And...your wife isn't into you. She doesn't want you to make advances, so she is sloppy.

When a woman lets herself go, there's usually emotional issues.


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## Chelle D

Guess what... 

the honeymoon's over.


She "let herself go" because she was no longer complimented that she looks good... 

She feels that she doesn't have to try to impress you, because you are her husband, she already "has" you...

Or, It's like the Freshman 15... Did she marry you instead of go to college?

Pick one or any of the above that apply. 

Anyway of them.. I still have the same answer: Your honeymoon is over dude.


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## Chelle D

bogey said:


> she told me herself that she gained that much in a short span. the thing that distressed me the most was she didn't seem to care; she was very nonchalant about the whole thing


And I'd bet you a free MEGA Millions ticket... that you are very 
"nonchalant" too... about saying (or showing her), that you are replacing her with porn.


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## heartsbeating

that_girl said:


> And...your wife isn't into you. She doesn't want you to make advances, so she is sloppy.
> 
> When a woman lets herself go, there's usually emotional issues.


I disagree. 

My H loves my love-handles, hairy legs, chin hairs and shrunken old t-shirt I wear to bed.


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## Mavash.

that_girl said:


> When a woman lets herself go, there's usually emotional issues.


Or she has small children and sleep becomes more important (temporarily) than looking good.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

heartsbeating said:


> I disagree.
> 
> My H loves my love-handles, hairy legs, chin hairs and shrunken old t-shirt I wear to bed.


its the shrunken t-shirt that makes him love the rest


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

bogey said:


> Once settled in, most women just seem to let themselves go, why is that? I have friends that are married also and they agree the girl they dated and feel in love with is not the same woman they are married to now. The consensus is it happens after kids, once she assumes the 'mom' role, but the sad thing is my wife and I don't have any kids and she's already let yourself go. Over the past 2 months she's gained 15 pounds, her hair is left unkempt, she's stopped doing little things like manicures and pedicures, etc. she still tries to dress sexy like she did when we were dating but it just looks sloppy now in her current state. It's unfortunate because my wife is HOT when she takes care of herself, but now I'm afraid she's gonna stop caring now that she's 'settled'..and she has the nerve to get mad at me when she catches me watching porn


did she 'let herself go' after you started watching porn, pushing her and disrespecting her in other ways im sure?


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## heartsbeating

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> its the shrunken t-shirt that makes him love the rest


Ha! I was being sarcastic lol. I agree with TG. 

But I think many of us do have an old shrunken tee that makes an appearance from time to time. 


Be the man she wants to date.


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## Browneyedgurl020610

bogey said:


> Once settled in, most women just seem to let themselves go, why is that? I have friends that are married also and they agree the girl they dated and feel in love with is not the same woman they are married to now. The consensus is it happens after kids, once she assumes the 'mom' role, but the sad thing is my wife and I don't have any kids and she's already let yourself go. Over the past 2 months she's gained 15 pounds, her hair is left unkempt, she's stopped doing little things like manicures and pedicures, etc. she still tries to dress sexy like she did when we were dating but it just looks sloppy now in her current state. It's unfortunate because my wife is HOT when she takes care of herself, but now I'm afraid she's gonna stop caring now that she's 'settled'..and she has the nerve to get mad at me when she catches me watching porn


Seriously? You expect her to be some step-ford wife and be perfect? We are not barbie dolls. Not every woman can be a size 0, have perfect boobs, perfect hair, perfect make-up. I am so happy that my husband loves me for me. He doesn't care if I gained a few pounds, I hardly ever wear make-up, who has money to always get mani/pedis? Yes we tend to get comfortable with someone we love and expect them to love us for who we are not for just what we look like. Porn is all fine and dandy, but it shouldn't be because you fine her unattractive anymore. From what I read, she can do better then you....just saying...:scratchhead:


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## EleGirl

ShawnD said:


> If your sexual skills are second place to a HAND then you should probably find some kind of sex skills coach or something.


Why are you making a personal attack?

If you think that all men only use porn excissivley if they have a wife who is not a porn star in bed you are nieve. There are many men who get to prefer porn even when they have a wife who is wild (for lack of a better word) in bed.


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## that_girl

Mavash. said:


> Or she has small children and sleep becomes more important (temporarily) than looking good.


Nah. It doesn't take much to brush your hair, wash your face and put on clean jammies.

He made his wife sound like a total slob so I went by that.


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## that_girl

heartsbeating said:


> I disagree.
> 
> My H loves my love-handles, hairy legs, chin hairs and shrunken old t-shirt I wear to bed.


My hubs loves my back hair and mustache.

:smthumbup:

Oooh that man o'mine.


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## eowyn

I didn't read all your posts... One thing comes to my mind though. Post marriage do you and your wife share responsibilities equally? (e.g. cooking, cleaning, chores etc) If your wife is getting overloaded with work she won't have enough time and energy to take care of herself. Something to think about :scratchhead:


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## LovesHerMan

Bogey:
You do not speak lovingly about your wife; you are focused on what she looks like to boost your ego that you have a "hot" wife. Your wife picks up this feeling from you, and she may even be gaining weight because of her resentment of your attitude toward her.

Your generalizations about most women, gathered from your impressions and that of a few friends, speaks volumes about your attitude. How fit are you? Have you gained any weight since marriage? Metabolism does slow down as we age, and we need to make an effort to keep the weight off.

You need to help her shop for and cook healthy food. You need to exercise together. It should be a project for both of you to stay in shape. Do not attack her without looking at your own contribution to the relationship.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Your posts are weird, no offense. The peeing woman,


where is this one at? :scratchhead:


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> If you go under someone's username, there is a link that lets you find all threads and posts by them. (Everyone should do this for LadyFrog, immediately :rofl


i know how to do it, just takes too much effort.
wanted the easy way.
for you to provide a link in here


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Are you kidding? I'm the last person who should be giving anyone directions to find their way around a computer or website. I can't even post a frog.


well, you avoided me saturday!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I know...I'm being lazy about it. Maybe today.


LOL


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## Love Song

bogey said:


> Once settled in, most women just seem to let themselves go, why is that? I have friends that are married also and they agree the girl they dated and feel in love with is not the same woman they are married to now. The consensus is it happens after kids, once she assumes the 'mom' role, but the sad thing is my wife and I don't have any kids and she's already let yourself go. Over the past 2 months she's gained 15 pounds, her hair is left unkempt, she's stopped doing little things like manicures and pedicures, etc. she still tries to dress sexy like she did when we were dating but it just looks sloppy now in her current state. It's unfortunate because my wife is HOT when she takes care of herself, but now I'm afraid she's gonna stop caring now that she's 'settled'..and she has the nerve to get mad at me when she catches me watching porn



Why do men stop lusting after their wives after they marry?


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## grenville

tacoma said:


> I think I can understand why your wife may be depressed.


Ooh, tough love!


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## studley

bogey said:


> Once settled in, most women just seem to let themselves go, why is that?


My wife is just the opposite. When she was working and raising the kids, she used minimal makeup (didn't need much to look great). But now that she is retired she insists on going to the hairdresser twice a month and also has manicure & pedicure there plus has a whole shelf of Mary Kay cosmetics she now uses. So it is probably costing upwards of $200 each month for this.


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## okeydokie

Love Song said:


> Why do men stop lusting after their wives after they marry?


THAT is totally false (in my case anyway). but i did eventually stop due to lack of reciprocation.

and my wife has let herself go also, but i dont bash her for it. i still love her and want things to change, but they arent.


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## Tiberius

Bogey, you do not treat your wife with respect, you push her and hurt her because she did not clean the window shutters, you say she dresses inapropriatelly and then you ask yourself why she did not take care of herself.
You are worrying about turning 30 and about the size of your willy, you need the biggest mirror you can find.........

I feel sorry for your wife.


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## Peachy Cat

Question: Did she "start letting herself go" BEFORE or AFTER she discovered you watching porn?


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## drmmommy

waiwera said:


> PS: Had to add OP...go find the thread about the young wife whose spunky husband comes to bed at night with ****ty pants!
> He doesn't shower or brush his teeth tuesday, thursday or weekends.... ah well at least he didn't gain 15lbs ah!!


Yeah, that's me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goldmember357

Tiberius said:


> Sorry, but are you trying to excuse yourself about watching porn?
> Are you saying that your wife is overweight and unattractive, so you have to ogle the 'perfect' bodied pheumatic dolls and achieve sexual satisfaction?
> Why not ask yourself why your wife has let herself go.
> She could be unhappy with something and could not care less about her looks at the moment.
> Have you incouraged her to maybe go to the salon and have a manicure/pedicure? Something like-sweethart, I loved when your nails were done or I love when you come home home with a new hairstyle, you look good/sexy/attractive?
> Go and get her a voucher from a beauty place as a present if you can not say it.
> And for the weight, gentle hints again can encourage her to join a gym, watch what she eats, exercise etc.Not ALL women let themselves go, only the ones who do not have the time because they have too much to do in the house/kids, no money or the ones who do not care about their appearance due to being bothered by something.
> 
> And for your porn watching-read the other posts on this forum about how we women feel about it.


:iagree:

The type of behavior listed by the OP is the type that leads to a failed marriage. Also from what i have seen a wife wont get out of shape unless 

A) she is unhappy
B) she has major issues 
C) she and hubby are out of shape but they love each other anyways


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## endlessgrief

Chelle D said:


> And I'd bet you a free MEGA Millions ticket... that you are very
> "nonchalant" too... about saying (or showing her), that you are replacing her with porn.


I really have a problem with technology and attitudes in today's society. Beauty and youth are shoved down our throats, skinny is the only pretty body type, etc.

It is a sin to:

grow old
have grey hair
gain weight
not wear makeup
wear comfy sweats around the house

Such a superficial society. Did you know that statistically the "Average American" is described as a woman in her early 40's who is overweight? Trying to keep up with 18 year olds is exhausting as well as impossible.


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## that_girl

I do love to sin!

:rofl:

I just make my lounge clothes tight and revealing. He doesn't notice that they're yoga pants and tanks.


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