# struggling



## formosa (Sep 30, 2011)

Found out 2 days ago that my hubby has been meeting awoman for sex. 
We live in the Middle east and when he goes back to the Uk he sees her.
He is in Uk at the moment. I found a sexual pic of her in his emails.
I confronted him and he says she is married, they met on a dating site, her husband has MS and unable to have sex. Our sex life has not been good.
He says he loves me and was only ever sex with her! Can this be true. I feel quite sick.
Any advice welcome. I don't want to speak to him at the moment


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I can't ... today. 

With all this. Sometimes these stories make me so sad.

Formosa... tell him it's either you or her. Get tested for STDs.

Tell him if he ontinues to do this, you will divorce him and he can leave. 

Find out who she is and tell her husband. It's very possible he does NOT have MS, does NOT know about the affair, and is being played like a fool like you were.

You said they met on a dating site....and are both married...hmm... makes me wonder how many other women your husband met for sex and solicited AND how long he's been doing that for.


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## formosa (Sep 30, 2011)

My husband says he will do whatever he can to make it right! Says he loves me and children and is so sorry. Well I think he put his needs before us.
I swing between being angry and being upset/teary


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Donig whatever he can to make it right includes:

NO contact with teh OW, completely and forever
NO going on dating websites picking up women/having sex with women/Taking down his sex ads
Getting tested for STDs with you
Marriage counselling
Complete transparency(access to his passwords/phone/email/computer)
Radical honesty


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

And,
NO traveling without YOU!


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

I disagree with the other posters. If your sex life has not been good then fix it. Too many marriages are between two people without the knowledge or commitment to meet each others needs. 

If he needs sex then he goes out and gets it. What did you expect? Is it realistic? There is only so much hassle that can be tolerated before you just want to get some with whatever story line you can lay down to get it


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I would guess that 100% of everything your husband told you was bull****. All of it. 'She' doesn't have a sick husband and she's not the only one he's been with.


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

formosa said:


> My husband says he will do whatever he can to make it right! Says he loves me and children and is so sorry. Well I think he put his needs before us.
> I swing between being angry and being upset/teary


Formosa, 

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. However, I am glad to see that you found this forum. The people here are very knowledgeable about the post-affair world. So rest assure you will get some great advice here. 

A few things you need to know:

1. Don't trust anything that comes out of your husbands mouth. he is in damage control mode right now...I doubt he even realizes the immense hurt he has caused you. Judge everything he does by his actions and actions alone! His actions are his true testament.

2. Get the passwords to all the sites he visits...if he balks at this...tell him it's nonnegotiable...either 100% full transparency or you walk.

3. The hardest part of this whole deal will be you fighting yourself. You will be tempted to trust him at his word...be aware that you are vulnerable...his word means nothing.

4. Take care of yourself FIRST! It doesn't matter what he wants to do...it doesn't matter what he thinks...it doesn't matter what crap he shovels your way...YOU come first. Get your emotions, health and spirit in working order before any talk of reconciliation. You have to clear the clouds in your head before you can feel the sunshine.


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

YupItsMe said:


> I disagree with the other posters. If your sex life has not been good then fix it. Too many marriages are between two people without the knowledge or commitment to meet each others needs.
> 
> If he needs sex then he goes out and gets it. What did you expect? Is it realistic? There is only so much hassle that can be tolerated before you just want to get some with whatever story line you can lay down to get it



Wow! This is a load of muck. How about instead of her husband going to some internet site and soliciting sex from complete strangers....he just sit down and talk with his wife about what he needs and wants. 

Then they could figure it out together as a team.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Geoffrey Marsh said:


> Wow! This is a load of muck. How about instead of her husband going to some internet site and soliciting sex from complete strangers....he just sit down and talk with his wife about what he needs and wants.
> 
> Then they could figure it out together as a team.


:iagree:

The honorable thing would have been to discuss this with her and go to MC and work it out together or divorce her. Instead, he took the easy way and found some OW to bang. There's NEVER any good excuse to cheat.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

YupItsMe said:


> I disagree with the other posters. If your sex life has not been good then fix it. Too many marriages are between two people without the knowledge or commitment to meet each others needs.
> 
> If he needs sex then he goes out and gets it. What did you expect? Is it realistic? There is only so much hassle that can be tolerated before you just want to get some with whatever story line you can lay down to get it


As someone who has cheated on his spouse, here's my thoughts on this reply.

Yes, in every marriage, there's things that we as individuals can do to make things better. But, as others have pointed out, the fair and moral path is to attempt to work the issues out, or get out of the relationship. 

To the OP, you can likely work things out if you're both committed to it. It won't likely be easy or fun, but if you try and fail, at least you will have tried. It's going to be even tougher though, if his job requires him to travel. Rebuilding trust will be very difficult for you.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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