# Flabbergasted 1 month divorced



## MostKnownUnknown (4 mo ago)

I’ve been separated from my ex husband for 9 months and our divorced was finalized last month, Aug 2022. We’ve been together for almost 2 decades.. fast forward… he reached out to me today and he kept mentioning he wished we could jump back in a Time Machine because he realized I was the ONE & blah blah blah. He thens mentions he had a lot going on his plate. I asked what did he mean by that and he answered, nothing. I then responded with these two questions, he’s either fell in love and is getting re-married or have a baby.. he tells me that he now has a child, that was born a few weeks ago. A boy at that.

I broke down once again today to that news. I do not have kids and to hear he made a child with someone else just stings. Total icing on the cake! This makes me just want to move out of town or to another planet. I’m venting and don’t know how to handle this. I am torn.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I am sorry for your situation.

After he divorces you, he then says, _*you are the one*_, then tells you he got another woman pregnant?
That poor woman. He has no love for her.
What a mess.

Tell us why you and he divorced.

Who asked for the divorce?

Did he cheat?
Did you cheat?

It sounds like he wants to come back to you.

-OR-

He knows this news would greatly upset you.

So, he is trying to soften the blow by first mentioning how great you are.
You are the one.

I am sure his new partner would love to hear this!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

SunCMars said:


> I am sorry for your situation.
> 
> After he divorces you, he then says, _*you are the one*_, then tells you he got another woman pregnant?
> That poor woman. He has no love for her.
> ...


I think it’s quite clear he cheated. Separated for 9 months and has a baby boy already?

OP, I know it sucks but it looks like divorce was a FANTASTIC option you took!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

MostKnownUnknown said:


> I’ve been separated from my ex husband for 9 months and our divorced was finalized last month, Aug 2022. We’ve been together for almost 2 decades.. fast forward… he reached out to me today and he kept mentioning he wished we could jump back in a Time Machine because he realized I was the ONE & blah blah blah. He thens mentions he had a lot going on his plate. I asked what did he mean by that and he answered, nothing. I then responded with these two questions, he’s either fell in love and is getting re-married or have a baby.. he tells me that he now has a child, that was born a few weeks ago. A boy at that.
> 
> I broke down once again today to that news. I do not have kids and to hear he made a child with someone else just stings. Total icing on the cake! This makes me just want to move out of town or to another planet. I’m venting and don’t know how to handle this. I am torn.


I'm sorry that you're going through this. 

He admitted previously that he has been cheating on you for the whole relationship, so while I'm sure this news does hurts, it's not all that shocking. Who knows if it's even the only child he has... 

He also clearly hasn't changed, because he just had a baby and he's talking to you like this. So while he may have a baby with someone else, he's still the same old ****ty partner that he always was.

You also said that he was abusive, is that really the type of man you would want to father your child or be tied to for the rest of your life? 

I know it's hard, but try to be glad that you didn't get permanently tie yourself or a child to this man.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Block him.


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## MostKnownUnknown (4 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> I am sorry for your situation.
> 
> After he divorces you, he then says, _*you are the one*_, then tells you he got another woman pregnant?
> That poor woman. He has no love for her.
> ...


It’s much more prior to this story but he’s cheated in our relationship. I left due to lies, emotional abusive and final straw when it came physical.


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## MostKnownUnknown (4 mo ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> I think it’s quite clear he cheated. Separated for 9 months and has a baby boy already?
> 
> OP, I know it sucks but it looks like divorce was a FANTASTIC option you took!


Yes it was!


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## MostKnownUnknown (4 mo ago)

bobert said:


> I'm sorry that you're going through this.
> 
> He admitted previously that he has been cheating on you for the whole relationship, so while I'm sure this news does hurts, it's not all that shocking. Who knows if it's even the only child he has...
> 
> ...


Yes I am glad about that part for sure.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

MostKnownUnknown said:


> I’ve been separated from my ex husband for 9 months and our divorced was finalized last month, Aug 2022. We’ve been together for almost 2 decades.. fast forward… he reached out to me today and he kept mentioning he wished we could jump back in a Time Machine because he realized I was the ONE & blah blah blah. He thens mentions he had a lot going on his plate. I asked what did he mean by that and he answered, nothing. I then responded with these two questions, he’s either fell in love and is getting re-married or have a baby.. he tells me that he now has a child, that was born a few weeks ago. A boy at that.
> 
> I broke down once again today to that news. I do not have kids and to hear he made a child with someone else just stings. Total icing on the cake! This makes me just want to move out of town or to another planet. I’m venting and don’t know how to handle this. I am torn.


It sounds like you dodged a freaking missile! He's now some hos problem, not yours! You deserve so much better than the crap treatment he's given you, nothing to feel bad about at all. Rejection just hurts, even from a complete waste of air, but it'll lessen with time, especially if you keep reminding yourself how miserable he made your life. Life will only get better, just focus on you now.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

As much as it hurts, be grateful you're done with him. I'd block him from being able to come and go as he pleases, in your life. The fact that he has a new baby, and is calling to tell his ex wife ''she was the one,'' ugh. He sounds like a tool, and someday, it won't sting. If you can swing it financially, and it makes sense, moving away...starting over somewhere else wouldn't be a bad idea. It won't heal you entirely, but a change of scenery could be nice.

Sorry you're struggling and had to go through all this.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why are you still talking to him and letting him hurt you like this? There is no need for any contact at all and it will be far better and healthier for you to block his number.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Another case of the grass not being greener. Don’t allow yourself to be a Plan B. He made his choice. Now let him live with it. He’s in the rearview mirror…leave him there.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

What a horrible thing to say to you. God, my heart breaks for you. I can't believe he would rub something like that in your face knowing how much it would hurt. I strongly believe that your best course of action is to block him everywhere so that he can't keep hurting you like this. Out of sight. Out of mind.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

He has already started cheating on his new partner and child. Can’t you just block him on everything?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

MostKnownUnknown said:


> I’ve been separated from my ex husband for 9 months and our divorced was finalized last month, Aug 2022. We’ve been together for almost 2 decades.. fast forward… he reached out to me today and he kept mentioning he wished we could jump back in a Time Machine because he realized I was the ONE & blah blah blah. He thens mentions he had a lot going on his plate. I asked what did he mean by that and he answered, nothing. I then responded with these two questions, he’s either fell in love and is getting re-married or have a baby.. he tells me that he now has a child, that was born a few weeks ago. A boy at that.
> 
> I broke down once again today to that news. I do not have kids and to hear he made a child with someone else just stings. Total icing on the cake! This makes me just want to move out of town or to another planet. I’m venting and don’t know how to handle this. I am torn.


Let me see if I understand what you said.

You have been married to this guy for a couple decades, separated for 9 months and your divorce just got finalized. He has a few week old baby (impregnated the OW about time of separation). He just called you and wanted to go back in time with you.

You dodged a bullet.

Don't move out of town, because you feel anger or shame. He is the one who is despicable. Look at the situation and say to yourself how lucky you are to be divorced from him. If he ever calls you again, tell him that he is an absolute looser and you are so glad your relationship ended. Work on believing that truth.


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## MostKnownUnknown (4 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> Let me see if I understand what you said.
> 
> You have been married to this guy for a couple decades, separated for 9 months and your divorce just got finalized. He has a few week old baby (impregnated the OW about time of separation). He just called you and wanted to go back in time with you.
> 
> ...


Pretty much. Got married the last two years of our relationship and then separated for 9 months. I left him in Dec 2021, filed for divorce in Jan 2022, he signed the papers in May 2022 (which I truly believe around this time he found out the OW was pregnant, b/c otherwise i don’t think he would’ve signed), the papers didn’t make it back to my lawyer until Aug 2022 and that’s when it was finalized. Either a) the ex was holding on to them until the time was right or b) my crappy lawyer had the papers the whole time and it was at the bottom of his pile because as soon as I asked my lawyer what’s the next steps to take if my ex didn’t sign, magically the papers showed up.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


MostKnownUnknown said:



.... he tells me that he now has a child, that was born a few weeks ago. A boy at that.

Click to expand...

*Does this fool have even an OUNCE of integrity in his whole body? Jesus, what kind of low life fathers a kid and when the baby is barely two weeks old, is calling his ex-wife and crying about how he wants her back? 

Oh, that's right. The kind of cheating, lying, abusive, manipulative, self-entitled *sleazebag* who CAUSED the ruination of his marriage because he let his little head do all his thinking for him and now he's foolishly had a kid with her and sealed the deal. THAT'S the type who would do that. I guess he's panicking because he sees the coffin lid closing down on him. Too bad, so very very sad.

I think someone needs to alert him that the Father of the Year prize patrol will be knocking at his door soon so he'd better clear a place on the mantle for his trophy. 😒

Yeah, he's really something special, OP. I can see why you're crying over this buffoon. Block him from your life and leave him to deal with the mess HE created. 

And honestly? I'd be down on my _knees_ thanking the powers that be that I never had kids with him because you'd be tied to this fool for life.

You're finally FREE. Best decision you ever made. Go forth and enjoy your life.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Does this fool have even an OUNCE of integrity in his whole body? Jesus, what kind of low life fathers a kid and when the baby is barely two weeks old, is calling his ex-wife and crying about how he wants her back?
> 
> Oh, that's right. The kind of cheating, lying, abusive, manipulative, self-entitled *sleazebag* who CAUSED the ruination of his marriage because he let his little head do all his thinking for him and now he's foolishly had a kid with her and sealed the deal. THAT'S the type who would do that. I guess he's panicking because he sees the coffin lid closing down on him. Too bad, so very very sad.
> 
> ...


I agree, he is a sleazebag, par royal.

We do not know what his mindset is on notifying our OP about the new baby boy.

Is it guilt, or is it guile?

It certainly is major stupidity, and without a doubt, cruelty.

Did he really think his ex wife would be happy for him, now that he is a daddy?

Is he trying to give her hope?

Narcissism, yep.

What a dirty dumb ass! 🧻


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

He's never going to change. He's already cheating on his new partner and baby. SMH.

He's not sorry you got away, he's sorry he's not happy with his actions and wants to get away again. He sounds like my FIL who's been married 5 times. They're always looking for the next girlfriend.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

MostKnownUnknown said:


> I’ve been separated from my ex husband for 9 months and our divorced was finalized last month, Aug 2022. We’ve been together for almost 2 decades.. fast forward… he reached out to me today and he kept mentioning he wished we could jump back in a Time Machine because he realized I was the ONE & blah blah blah. He thens mentions he had a lot going on his plate. I asked what did he mean by that and he answered, nothing. I then responded with these two questions, he’s either fell in love and is getting re-married or have a baby.. he tells me that he now has a child, that was born a few weeks ago. A boy at that.
> 
> I broke down once again today to that news. I do not have kids and to hear he made a child with someone else just stings. Total icing on the cake! This makes me just want to move out of town or to another planet. I’m venting and don’t know how to handle this. I am torn.


Did he text you that or was it over the phone? If it was texts, screenshot it and send it to his lady. That'll stop him from doing that to you again.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Not your monkey. Not your Circus, anymore.
Block him and move on.


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## MostKnownUnknown (4 mo ago)

TXTrini said:


> It sounds like you dodged a freaking missile! He's now some hos problem, not yours! You deserve so much better than the crap treatment he's given you, nothing to feel bad about at all. Rejection just hurts, even from a complete waste of air, but it'll lessen with time, especially if you keep reminding yourself how miserable he made your life. Life will only get better, just focus on you now.


Definitely will be focusing on my own well-being more in depth


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

I don't think he even understood that man himself.

I hope the child has a good mother. It's hard to believe this man would contribute as a parent.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

MostKnownUnknown said:


> It’s much more prior to this story but he’s cheated in our relationship. I left due to lies, emotional abusive and final straw when it came physical.


This kind of narcissism will really hurt you badly. I agree you should block him. He actually gave you the gift of doing things so horrible that he gave you the resolve and courage to get out. Please just endure the pain with dignity as best you can, and realize that men will sniff out a good woman and find you. You have good things ahead. Don’t delay them by communicating with this horrible person.


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