# Considering divorce, again.



## Rainbow_Falls (Jan 4, 2015)

I have been married for just over four years now. My husband emotionally abused me off and on for about three years (my therapist at the time helped me to see this); I lost track of reality at one point (ridiculous thing to have to admit to ... him + postpartum depression) - he was always accusing me of cheating, tracking me via phone, getting mad at me if I spent money or went anywhere, even when I was pregnant. I believed he was cheating on me last year - he says I'm crazy and that he was just watching too much porn, but I don't know. 

We are complete opposites, and I know I have my issues too; I have a tendency to undervalue myself and my needs, I have low self esteem and try to make him happy at the cost of my own happiness, and I have allowed myself to become really angry and cold. I try to give him what he wants and then I just get mad at him and myself for it - I know that isn't fair, but I keep doing it. I can't seem to let go of things that happened in the past and bring them up often (I know I'm not supposed to do that!). I think I've become passive-aggressive. I HATE myself for becoming a worse person. 

Anyway, a year ago almost to this day, he realized that he was being mean and that he was always angry and he decided to change. Funny enough, it was literally a week after I had made plans to leave him. And he has - he isn't always angry but we still can't talk about issues. The good things: he tries to talk to me, he looks at me like he loves me, he has been being a better dad to our kids.

Things seem to be making progress, but we can't have conversations without fighting, we don't understand each other, and while the sex is fantastic, there very rarely is love there...but that might be more on me now. Now I am the one who is closed off. I have asked him to go to counseling with me, and he says he will (and promises to not make a joke of it like the first time we tried) but I have yet to see him make the appointment or even talk about it.

And I think I'm still mad at him for asking me to renew my vows with him, then making me feel progressively guilty about it whenever I would want to talk about it, and then ultimately deciding that we won't go through with it.

Anyway, is staying and trying worth it? Or should I cut and run? Thoughts/suggestions appreciated.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like the two of you might actually be moving in the right direction. The fact that he has stopped, or greatly reduced, his anger and maintained that for some time is a very positive thing.

There are two books that I think might help you, "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters" If the two of you read them and do the work together that the books suggest you are very likely to turn this around.


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