# I want it but she dont



## Keeps Trying

hey everyone.I have been with the same girl (except for a three month period) for 7 years.We have had tons of fights and some was my fault,Im not perfect and more was hers.Here lately we have had an extremely rocky and though relationship,I have been fighting to keep us together while she has been fed up to the max and ready to quit.the thing that cuases problems is EVERTHING makes her mad, defensive and bring up the past,litterally things that happened 5 years ago still get fought about. I have said sorry a million times, but to her I haven't said a single one. She still appears to be hurt and mad about everything and obviously that is gonna make everyday life a struggle as far as our relationship goes.she has zero patience with me what so ever,and no matter what I try to make her happy she just is so negative and angry.we are broke up now due to a huge fight we had the last night I took her out on a date,I was trying to take her out as a treat and paid for everything,the entire night was just a constant complaint from her and when she started yelling at me in front of my son I lost my temper and we broke up,I didn't show out or make a scene but I was the accual one to say no more.three days went by before I said sorry,didnt do much good but then later that week We had a fight about some friends I added on fb (two girls I have known forever) and she said when I choose her over them then text her,two more days and I said ok,I love u and want us to work this out.Ill delete my friends and now she says no.She don't want to be together now and says its all my fault for not being good enough to her and making her feel more special and important.she says she is tired of trying cuase it never fdes any good.idk what to do at this point.this is the very short version of the past several weeks


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## Whatthe??

Sounds horrible and incredibly tough. First up you need to pull back, the more you push in right now the more she will pull away. Let her know you love her, you want to work it out then start moving on as if she is done with you (so incredibly hard to do I know, and some days you will go better than others) and be positive. Find happiness in friends and your son and in yourself and hopefully that will attract her back, all the sorries in the world won't help right now. If she comes back and says she wants to work it out then I would insist on counselling, individual & relationship. For you, get some counselling now and learn how to get past your own issues and how to live happily without her, at this point she will either come back or she won't, either way you need to be able to carry on.

One of the best bits of advice I've had in my own marital issues is that you need to forgive her and love her unconditionally, that doesn't mean you sit and take her abuse but your love for her doesn't depend on if you fight or not, you love her regardless.

Be strong, be positive, be nice, be attentive and let her know you're there but really, go on with your life without pursuing her. Be calm, consistent and constant - meaning pick your plan and stick to it, some days it feels like crap and isn't working but some days it feels like it's all coming together. Thing is, if both of you are all over the place emotionally then your in chaos, if your steady she has a rock to anchor too and hopefully it will work out.

Of course none of this advice is fail safe, but it seems to work for most people. All the best with it mate.


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## Keeps Trying

thanks for the reply.I haven't spoken to her since Wednesday moring around 5am.she don't seem to be the least bit upset while myself on the other hand,really depressed and constantly thinking about her.I plan not to talk to her cuase either way shes gonna have to choose what she wants on her own


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## Keeps Trying

I wrote her a short note that I haven't given to her yet,it just talks about forgivness and how im not mad at her for the past,states that I love her but im not gonna beg anymore and im not gonna go above and beyond to get her to come back and so on.do u suggest I throw it away o go ahead and give it to her?


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## SteveK

Keeps Trying said:


> hey everyone.I have been with the same girl (except for a three month period) for 7 years.We have had tons of fights and some was my fault,Im not perfect and more was hers.Here lately we have had an extremely rocky and though relationship,I have been fighting to keep us together while she has been fed up to the max and ready to quit.the thing that cuases problems is EVERTHING makes her mad, defensive and bring up the past,litterally things that happened 5 years ago still get fought about. I have said sorry a million times, but to her I haven't said a single one. She still appears to be hurt and mad about everything and obviously that is gonna make everyday life a struggle as far as our relationship goes.she has zero patience with me what so ever,and no matter what I try to make her happy she just is so negative and angry.we are broke up now due to a huge fight we had the last night I took her out on a date,I was trying to take her out as a treat and paid for everything,the entire night was just a constant complaint from her and when she started yelling at me in front of my son I lost my temper and we broke up,I didn't show out or make a scene but I was the accual one to say no more.three days went by before I said sorry,didnt do much good but then later that week We had a fight about some friends I added on fb (two girls I have known forever) and she said when I choose her over them then text her,two more days and I said ok,I love u and want us to work this out.Ill delete my friends and now she says no.She don't want to be together now and says its all my fault for not being good enough to her and making her feel more special and important.she says she is tired of trying cuase it never fdes any good.idk what to do at this point.this is the very short version of the past several weeks


I hate to say it but this was me and my wife 30 years ago when we were still dating...our marriage had many ups and downs but it was like your story, except there was no Facebook etc back then. Now after 34 years together, 28!married she ran into the arms of another. And I am dying a slow death, maybe had we ended it years ago or before kids it would have been better. So either go for MC or IC or just quit now.
Everyone we know says we had an interesting, passionate , turmoiltuos marriage...I warn you know it is less painful to split now while your young...


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## Whatthe??

Keeps Trying said:


> I wrote her a short note that I haven't given to her yet,it just talks about forgivness and how im not mad at her for the past,states that I love her but im not gonna beg anymore and im not gonna go above and beyond to get her to come back and so on.do u suggest I throw it away o go ahead and give it to her?


Geez, I dunno really. I know my wife had me in limbo for a bit and the day i said, no more I wasn't playing her game and doing it on her terms anymore was the day it started turning around. I think you should turf the note and speak to her face to face one last time - tell her you love her, you want to work it out, talk counselling etc but let her know you won't be following her around and begging, you'll be working out how to move on without her but she can call. Then get into counselling yourself and start moving on. I think face to face is always better than a note but you know what will impact on her better than I do, my wife, she'd prefer the face to face thing.


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## Keeps Trying

well I figure a note would be the best way cause a f2f talk usually stirs up a fight,thats just how she does. When I'm not there she cant fight, but either way not knowing if she is honestly done and over us or not is tough. But I haven't seen or heard from her since wed.but from the road I seen a unfamiliar vehicle at her house so now that's bothering me.I can give her space, but throughout our 7 years Ive always had to work to get her back and im afraid that this space im giving her will only allow her time to want me back less and less.


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## Whatthe??

It sucks I know, but what you've been doing hasn't worked so this is all there is left to do, hardest thing in the world to do, I know, i've been there and still am in some ways, it's crap. Give her the note and seriously get professional help to start moving on, if she comes back you're a better man than before, if she doesn't...well you've started the road to recovery. I hate it for you man, it's a horrible feeling but you'll be ok - a dysfunctional relationship is no good, you'll either use this to move to a better place or it'll end, but you will be ok and you need to get to a place where you know that.


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## Keeps Trying

this morning I dropped the only item she had at my house off a tv stand,petty I know but she demanded it back but anyways I layed the note on top of it.I hope that she will decide we aint over just yet but if she doesn't I wrote that I will begin the moving on process.I have always gotten her back in the past but it was nearly impossible the last time we broke up and I was actually shocked that we ended up back together so I have no expectations of her coming back this time.I cant say things will be better to her any more cause they never changed before even though I tried I just couldn't please her.


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## Whatthe??

Well done and I am wishing you all the best for it. Just go get help so that you can learn to be ok either way.


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## Keeps Trying

well she declined to get back together,I ended up begging pleading and asking for one last chance like I always do I cant seem to help it,But she says we have tried enough and she dont want to waste anymore time when she knows it will get us no where,I feel that this would be the one that would work but I cant convince her of that,we talked a little but all in all she says I should just go and put effort into someone else and be happy.but then again,she always does.she says I dont try to be with her when she asks me to,but in all honesty she dont try at any time and somehow I am the bad guy?I have tried and tried to make our reconnections work and she always finds some reason to give up,the first time somethign dont go right shes throwing in the towel.Im bout to the point of not giving an f and speaking my mind about all I have been through and she not even trying to take any of that into consideration,Ive got nothing to loose anyway right? inputs please


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## Whatthe??

Like I say, begging and pleading isn't helping, you need to stop. I know it's hard every instinct you have is to pursue her and now you're just getting frustrated and sadder by the day. She probably doesn't really care about what you've been through at this point, at least not to the point where it will bring her back, she knows how you feel about her so you need to start getting yourself right. Give her a reason to want to come back, you have a child together? If so you will need to be in contact, make it amicable and let her see you improving and getting on with your life, you have to take care of yourself, mate, it's all you can do.


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## Keeps Trying

I have a kid from another relationship but she has been around literally his entire life from 6 month tilll now and he is 8,he considers her his mom and i mentioned her taking him out to McDonald cause he misses her and she said she would but didnt know when,I dont know what that means exactly.the only reason she would ever have to come back is if we didnt have problems,but she is the instigator of our problems to be honest.I cant say that to her or yet another fight starts so I just about always take responsibility for them and because of that *she* don't want to be with *me*. its a double damned situation


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## PBear

Dude, go buy the Married Man's Sex Life Primer and No More Mr. Nice Guy. Read them before you date again. 

C


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## Keeps Trying

I cant really do books,I get severe head aches when I read alot.


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## PBear

Then get the audio version of them.

C


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## lifeistooshort

Stop trying to insert yourself where you're not wanted. It's undignified and unattractive, and you're not married so she really doesn't owe you anything. I'm sorry for your child but that's also not her responsibility.
I dated someone once, far less than 7 years, who when I ended things cried and begged and wouldn't stop. He showed up at my dads house at all hours to cry and beg, all it did was make him look disgusting and pathetic. I know it hurts but don't contact her again and focus on your child and your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral

Keeps Trying said:


> I cant really do books,I get severe head aches when I read alot.


What you can't do is not read these books. Get headache medicine or whatever. My nook $149 reads to me if I want. 

You need these books as much as any one I have seen here. The more whiney and needy you are the frther you push her away.

She may be addicted to anger. Its the addrenalin. Google it.

Go back and read the posts on the first page. A middle school girl could have written them.

Think about this. Guys that face gun fire or run into buildings can lack the bravery to ask a girl to dance or go on a date.


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## Keeps Trying

well I told her tongiht that I would accually be done becuase all she wasnts to do is point fingers at me when i tried my hardest and I just think she was unsatisfiable,she says this new guy treats her great,well no $hit u have been together a few days,thats a no brainer but either wa I said more than few times I wouldnt do this anymore and again she says this is your choice so deal with it.she is addicted to anger she knows nothing but anger unless shes with someone new she nice as can be to them.


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