# New Wife Is Becoming Extremely Religious



## macmonkey

Greetings,

Me and my wife have been married for just over a year. We dated for nearly 7 years before that and have been best friends since day one.

Just before our marriage she started getting in touch with her spirituality which I assumed was a phase. I am a believer and go to church regularly. I had great parents who were christians but didn't go to church. They truly were wonderful people with a lot of success and friends. My wife's parents weren't so lucky. Her mother committed suicide when my wife was young and her father was never the same being reclusive and having a bad gambling problem amongst other things. He is a nice guy but isn't all there in my opinion.

I really don't have a problem with my wifes spiritual journey and in fact I support her to a degree. At this point she is choosing not to participate in Holloween or Christmas. This has really shocked me and I am angry, upset, confused and a number of other emotions.

This is brand new for her. Never in the past 8 years has it been any kind of issue. She won't carve a pumpkin with me, she won't help me put up a christmas tree, etc.. 

I encouraged her to go talk to her pastor and he put her in her place by telling her she's being a little bit out of line following these crazy extreme views of christianity and now she's ignoring him.

It may seem very trivial and stupid but the Holidays were an extremely bright time in my life growing up (like many of us) and I want my kids to have the same when they grow up. Unfortunately I can't imagine moving forward and having kids knowing that she'll be trying to instill this same (in my view extreme) view of christianity.

I really don't know what to do. She continues to talk to her father whom in my opinion is nobody to be handing out life advice. I just don't where to go from here.

We have had discussion after discussion and fight after fight about this issue but it's going nowhere.


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## SimplyAmorous

I know some churchs are against celebrating Halloween but where is she getting the No Christmas tree idea? Sounds like not from her Pastor. What is she reading, where is she getting info on the net ?


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## 827Aug

I live in an area where this type of thinking goes on a lot. It drives me nuts! I find much of this has do with certain religious denominations and sheer ignorance. I'm not going to even recommend that you speak to the minister about this. In my area it is the ministers who are promoting this particular extremism. Is this going on in your case?

My minister delivered the best "Halloween" sermon last year. I wish I had a copy of it for this thread. The sermon had to do with the history of Halloween....and how it is okay for Christians to participate in the celebration. And remember Halloween is on the eve of All Saints Day.

I wish you and your children well on this one. By the way......what happens when Easter rolls around? No candy or egg hunts?


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## SimplyAmorous

Here is an article that explains where some Christians might get the idea that Christmas trees are pagan. Should Christians have Christmas trees? (12/17/2009)


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## Scannerguard

I imagine she's not Catholic but Catholic doctrine is interesting in that there is a "sin" called "scruples" (or maybe it's scrupulosity).

I never knew this but it's where a person becomes soooooo obsessed with doing everything the right way (sex, sin, conduct) that they almost become "Holier than Thou" (gee, not ever a Christian, lol). It's a different form of radicalism, as opposed to som forms of radicalism within Islam as an example. God is supposed to unite, not cause conflict.

The point of this sin is from Catholicism, I think, is that sin is a natural part of life, just like getting dirty when you are a kid - you are going to do it and just come clean regularly. To obsess with things like Halloween smacks of scruples.

I am not sure of the doctrine she subscribes to but religiosity is to not be tolerated (or shouldn't be) from any doctrine. I understand your frustration.


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## michzz

Is she a Christian Scientist?

There are some denominations that don't celebrate any kind of holiday, not even a birthday.


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## takris

You say that you are a believer, so this puts you in possibly the best position in situations like this. If it is a fundamental church, one thing most share in common is the view of the husband's spiritual leadership. Hate to sound manipulative, but it could help.

It must be obvious that she does not think that you are a Christian. Let her know that you are a believer, and are confident of your relationship in Christ. As such, a common thread among fundamentalists is that when the two partners are not in agreement, the wife should look towards the husband's leadership, if he is a Christian, because they believe that the leadership goes through the husband to the wife.

The basic point is that all things should be tempered, and balanced. 

Most conservatives who are a little more balanced actually believe in leadership to a degree, but only with full agreement and support of the wife. And its a servant leadership, like opening the door for her because you value all that she brings to the relationship.

In the case of holidays, you can let her know that as the husband and future father, you believe that all things should be tempered, yet it is important to let the children have happy memories of holidays. On Christmas, we celebrate all areas like other families, but we add our faith by having a time where we bring presents to Christ. My daughter's presents are usually committing to voluunter at a grief camp, and my son volunteers his summers to work at a camp for disabled children. Mine is voluunteering to a group that helps elderly and single mothers in construction/maintenance projects around the house.

Hope some of these help.


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## cb45

Me and my wife have been married for just over a year. We dated for nearly 7 years before that and have been best friends since day one. *(interesting…on many levels...7yrs & “best friends”)*
Just before our marriage she started getting in touch with her spirituality which I assumed was a phase.(*u underestimated spirituality eh?)* I am a believer and go to church regularly. *(so? is it “alive?”)*I had great parents who were christians but didn't go to church.(why not? do tell, even tho’ u r biased) They truly were wonderful people with a lot of success and friends. My wife's parents weren't so lucky. Her mother committed suicide when my wife was young and her father was never the same being reclusive and having a bad gambling problem amongst other things. He is a nice guy but isn't all there in my opinion.

I really don't have a problem with my wifes spiritual journey and in fact I support her to a degree. *(wow, how big of u man…as u say u r “Christian”?)*At this point she is choosing not to participate in Holloween or Christmas. This has really shocked me and I am angry, upset, confused and a number of other emotions*(she is the one who should be “angry, upset, confused…” wouldn’t u agree if u were reading this as another Christian person? OMG! NO Halloween “support” wah-wah-wah…ridiculous indeed!)*
This is brand new for her. Never in the past 8 years has it been any kind of issue. She won't carve a pumpkin with me, she won't help me put up a christmas tree, etc. *(so? see wah-wah as above)*

I encouraged her to go talk to her pastor and he put her in her place by telling her she's being a little bit out of line following these crazy extreme views of christianity and now she's ignoring him*(why not? she’s entitled to, no? maybe her pastor is weak/wacked/worldly himself, who knows but God)(not me/you/her)*

may seem very trivial and stupid but the Holidays were an extremely bright time in my life growing up (like many of us) and I want my kids to have the same when they grow up. Unfortunately I can't imagine moving forward and having kids knowing that she'll be trying to instill this same (in my view extreme) view of christianity*(gee, I guess u wont be multiplying anytime soon)*
really don't know what to do. She continues to talk to her father whom in my opinion is nobody to be handing out life advice. I just don't where to go from here.

We have had discussion after discussion and fight after fight about this issue but it's going nowhere.
(*see bold/underlined…u as a“Christian” can PERCEIVE why, right?)* 

*I ‘m being coy but really I’m not convinced yer W is so wrong here. Many a Christian family refuses to participate(if not all) in historically pagan activities based on the Holy Spirit (= H>S> from hereon out) revealing/teaching them so, despite what others including pastors think. If she can show scripture(s), then she must be respected for her conviction(s), not chastised as “extreme.”
I assume u have likewise for yer case? All Christians are not at the same growth levels. if u were aware of this, u’d be more patient/understanding/inquisitive about the whole matter anyhow, & not trying to ENFORCE yer view only. She may SEE you as extreme, or u as worldly, weak/wishy-washy, u dig? Ironically, she may be right and ahead of u as she at least
is zealous for God. As Christians, we should listen at least to what other Christians have to say, and seriously consider their input b4 we arbitrarily reject it. Maybe u r right in yer concerns of how far she may go, dunno but, as I read u here, I’m not convinced. sorry.*

Maybe you should sit her down and have her explain her convictions. There may be some legalism involved. Explain to her that the Pharisees and scribes followed Levitical laws which were their own made up laws. They decided they needed to add extra clauses to the law of Moses. Some of those things were nuts-- like tying shoes on a Sunday. *(don’t know if he can handle Leviticus tho’)*
anyway, when some grow in the faith there can be difficulty with the balance between reliance on grace and legalism. Halloween is considered a pagan holiday, so I see where she's coming from on that one. Could you compromise with her in painting a pumpkin rather than carving one? I could be wrong, but I don't think there are any pagan rituals in painting pumpkins. Maybe make some sugar cookies and get pumpkin cutouts and let the kids decorate them? She could even call it "fall festivities".(*that’s weak/false/legalistic of u too…lol. u know better, c’mon now…carving vs. painting…sheeeeesh)*
n terms of Christmas, I know some who do the three gifts like the wise men brought. Would she agree to that? What about putting some religious ornaments on the tree? (*lukewarm, maybe accepted by her, mb not)*

yway, I think the important thing here is to allow her to grow in her faith but to keep a close eye on legalism or cult-like beliefs. She's probably just wavering right now trying to find her convictions in different areas. Hang in there. *(now yer warming up, “growing in faith” in the positive sense)*

I never knew this but it's where a person becomes soooooo obsessed with doing everything the right way (sex, sin, conduct) that they almost become "Holier than Thou" (gee, not ever a Christian, lol). It's a different form of radicalism, as opposed to som forms of radicalism within Islam as an example. God is supposed to unite, not cause conflict. *(that’s a bogus statement as clearly seen by good vs. evil in all facets of life. Only if we are talking an assembly of Christians can we talk “unite;” and this too is hard to attain/keep.)* 

The point of this sin is from Catholicism, I think, is that sin is a natural part of life, just like getting dirty when you are a kid - you are going to do it and just come clean regularly. To obsess with things like Halloween smacks of scruples. (not necessarily so. if/when the H>S> convicts u of something, let us know and see how many folk mock/judge u as xtreme/legalistic/scrupulous etc.

I am not sure of the doctrine she subscribes to but religiosity is to not be tolerated (or shouldn't be) from any doctrine. I understand your frustration*.(let her come speak/write for herself, then maybe we all can show better discernment on this matter. For it is as u wrote: “I am not sure….”)*
*“As for me and my house…” we give out candy to any kids who come but we don’t decorate, like most
other folk do. I notice Halloween has become so popular that it seems people go all out for it more so
than any other holiday, including Christmas. hmmm, I wonder why.

Now if the H>S> convicts me not to do the candy bit, u think I care what u or anyone else thinks? including my W, my pastor, my Mom etc???*


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## cb45

Tks Mommy for basically agreeing w/ me, and reminding me of Easter (et al) specificsin
re: to paganistic tenets/history. Strange, but it almost reads more like S.A. instead (hmmm....)

Its ironic how often we Christians can get into wasted arguments over semantics and really be in agreement in principle, moreso than secular heathens do. 
Sad actually, as it should NOT be.

I wrote on yours only to see where u really *STAND*.

Glad u worked it out amicably w/ hubby. agree w/ u on daughter tho' some would bicker w/ us on double-std angle.

Glad to know u r vigilant in yer watch. We need more watchmen on the towers (as well as laborers). 

I was calling him out to do what u wrote 2nd time, esp since he was claiming Christianity as his guide/mantra. u may remember
Paul doing likewise to Peter, right? Patience is key here 4 them.

Oh, i'll bite on the Sabbath day inference u made; where do u 
stand/believe on this commandment?

shalom.....i leave with you...


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## cb45

Saturday or sunday or no matter...m22?


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## NickCampbell

Sounds completely selfish and like she's going to be missing out on a lot of fun times with the children. Let the scrooge get her sense of spiritual superiority while you and your kids have the fun.


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## 4sure

If she won't listen to her pastor and is ignoring him why is she attending that church where he is the leader of the church? That strikes me as odd. If I didn't agree with the leadership of the church on something that is obviously important to her then I would go elsewhere.

imo I think alot of Christians get so caught up in religious non sense they miss the real point. 

You have your holiday celebrations. Invite her to join in with the fun, if she says no then you have fun, and allow her to do whatever she believes is right.


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## SimplyAmorous

4sure said:


> I think alot of Christians get so caught up in religious non sense they miss the real point.


Some become So "heavenly minded", they are no earthly good. 

I was this way myself at one time (not near these extremes presented here though). Glad to be free and living in the real world once again.


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## cb45

yes....and.....

SOME are no[t] earthly good and so [should be] heavenly minded.

OR, put another way:

so earthly good and not heavenly minded.

hmmm, i used to be this way but....:rofl:

Let me stop :lol: having too much fun here, when i should be 
serious bout any of us deceiving ourselves, as Paul has 
written plenty (along w/ James) about/regarding.

God giving us free will is a beautiful but also fearful thing,
for we do not always choose wisely w/ that free-will.

We who have had the honor/privilege/mercy/joy/responsibility of hearing the gospel of Jesus Christ, and rejecting it &/or HIM and DIE in this state will be facing the FATHER alone, who is PERFECT and cannot allow less than perfect/holy to enter heaven. Otherwise Jesus' sacrifice wasn't necessary for us to be reconciled to God, for we are covered in his "lambs" blood(So much for being good &/or having good intentions).

I note this only for non-Christians, or newbies, so that no false
sense of security is fostered here while i am still here posting from time-time, thereby doing my duty before the Lord.

shalom............................................


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## Mike188

All the Christian holidays are co-opted pagan (usually Celtic or Roman) holidays. Halloween was origionally Samhain (pron: sow-win). It marks the end of the harvest season and is also the beginning of the new year for the celts. They believed it was the time of the year when the veil between the world of the living and dead was the thinnest ans some souls were able to walk the Earth. It was a time of reverence for ancestors that had passed away. That is how it wound up being turned into All Souls Day which was followed by All Saints Day.

Christmas is from the origional pagan holiday called Yule which is celebrated on, and about, Dec 21, the winter solstice. The early Christians had a hard time converting the pagans to Christianity. In the 7th century Pope Gregory I declared that the church would adopt the holiday dates and most of the customs and practices of the pagan religions to help make their conversion goals more successful. They "christianized" many of the pagan holidays that we still celebrate today. The yule log, mistletoe, x-mas tree, decorating with evergreen and holly, etc, etc are all earlier pagan practices. The Romans had a similar holiday that time of the year called Saturnalia. 

Some Christians will argue with you about this until they are blue in the face and will be extremely narrow minded about it and deny all of it. Others know it to be true and feel that if they follow any of these pagan practices then they are not following what is written in the Bible. Some Christians feel that they can still take part in these holidays and follow these ancient customs as long as they don't feel they are doing it in a pagan religious manner. 

Evidently your wife is of the belief that she shouldn't follow ANY pagan practices. Often this mindset claims that following these practices is worshiping the devil. This is interesting because the devil is purely a Christian invention. None of the pagan religions even believe in the existence of the devil or satan. Even how we think of satan today has radically changed many times in the last 2000 years.

I should clarify and give the generally accepted definition of a pagan. Pagans are usually considered to be any religion other than the Abrahamic religions (Judeism, Christianity and Islam). Pagan religions would therefore include the native American religions, Buddhism, Druidry/Celtic religions, etc.


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## cb45

Mike188 said:


> All the Christian holidays are co-opted pagan (usually Celtic or Roman) holidays. Halloween*(huh? Christian? LOL!)* was origionally Samhain (pron: sow-win). It marks the end of the harvest season and is also the beginning of the new year for the celts. They believed it was the time of the year when the veil between the world of the living and dead was the thinnest ans some souls were able to walk the Earth. It was a time of reverence for ancestors that had passed away. That is how it wound up being turned into All Souls Day which was followed by All Saints Day.*(really? many cultures actually
> celtic, mexican etc. varying specifics, but none apply to all of Christianity, discounting catholicism...lol)*
> 
> Christmas is from the origional pagan holiday called Yule which is celebrated on, and about, Dec 21, the winter solstice. The early Christians had a hard time converting the pagans to Christianity. In the 7th century Pope Gregory I declared that the church would adopt the holiday dates and most of the customs and practices of the pagan religions to help make their conversion goals more successful. They "christianized" many of the pagan holidays that we still celebrate today. The yule log, mistletoe, x-mas tree, decorating with evergreen and holly, etc, etc are all earlier pagan practices. The Romans had a similar holiday that time of the year called Saturnalia.
> *(not going to ****er yer details, but again, those silly
> silly Popes/catholics/compromisers cant be declared "all
> Christians.")*
> 
> Some Christians will argue with you about this until they are blue in the face and will be extremely narrow minded about it and deny all of it. Others know it to be true and feel that if they follow any of these pagan practices then they are not following what is written in the Bible. Some Christians feel that they can still take part in these holidays and follow these ancient customs as long as they don't feel they are doing it in a pagan religious manner. *(to him that it is sin, and to him that it is not....read Paul.*
> 
> Evidently your wife is of the belief that she shouldn't follow ANY pagan practices. Often this mindset claims that following these practices is worshiping the devil. This is interesting because the devil is purely a Christian invention. None of the pagan religions even believe in the existence of the devil or satan. Even how we think of satan today has radically changed many times in the last 2000 years.*(eeeennnhhh ! many cultures
> many examples of satan. u must be talkin bout the name only)*
> 
> I should clarify and give the generally accepted definition of a pagan. Pagans are usually considered to be any religion other than the Abrahamic religions (Judeism, Christianity and Islam). Pagan religions would therefore include the native American religions, Buddhism, Druidry/Celtic religions, etc.*(true)*





Pandakiss said:


> sorry to hear about your confussion over w new found passion. when people first discover a new thing they throw themselves into it 200%. eventually she will mellow out and find balance. the halloween thing to me is a hot button, i was raised around a J. Wittness, and i was told so much BS that even my mom didnt know.*(she might, she might not. how much can u (or i,) love/tolerate.*
> 
> 
> i can see the glamour in church, and how its a strong apeal if you feel your life my be lacking.*(actually, its the spirit that tells u, u may be lacking anything, feelings are poor barometers
> of discerning anything.* just keep the lines of comm open and ask lots of quesitons. my h and i have huge religon debates and have tried many different worship. i was raised cathlic, and him bapti., and now we are comfortable in non-praticing buddisum. *(this almost too funny...like roseanne
> material or something....do u write sitcom material for anyone?)*
> we read a lot on things and talking it out really helps and you have to decide if this pratice the right one for the family, are you willing to change to fit the new beliefe structure...and that is where you are having the problem. you feel you were not taken into a thought process in this.
> 
> religon is huge and life changing, and life altering. your wife shuld have told you she was considereing getting more into this way of life. if my h told me he wanted to be a J.Witt, i would not approve, but if he felt that way so be and vice versa.
> 
> you can have all the spirtuallity, but i dont feel yoou can put it all on me and exp me to just jump in both feet first, when you had a different way before.
> 
> this is something the two of you will work hard to come out on the other side agree to disagree, pick your battles, you will have compromise on a few things and she will to like a christmas tree for the kids, or halloween for the kids.*(and all the other so called christian holidays...........lol)*
> 
> maybe fish on firdays and no meat. sorry its long and i hope you are still reading this thread.


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## chefmaster

Hi macmonkey, I haven't seen any follow-up posts from you regarding some of the questions posed so I'm just going by your original post.

It sounds to me like her aversion to Christmas and Halloween are due to her past, not to her being a Christian.

She says it's her beliefs but her pastor tells her it's ok yet she still avoids them.

Perhaps the past 8 years of Halloween and Christmas she has dreaded and just couldn't tell you?

I hope all is well.


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## Tanelornpete

I would think just referring to Scripture would give an answer that could avoid all the confusion:

Romans 14:

"...Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things. For one believes he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats only vegetables. Let not him who eats despise him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats; for God has received him. Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand.

One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks; and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat, and gives God thanks. For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. For to this end Christ died and rose and lived again, that He might be Lord of both the dead and the living. But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written:

“ As I live, says the LORD,
Every knee shall bow to Me,
And every tongue shall confess to God.”​
So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.

I know and am convinced by the Lord Jesus that there is nothing unclean of itself; but to him who considers anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died. Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. For he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men.

Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with offense. It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak. Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin...."​
If anything can be deduced from this - I'd say that your wife's conscience is at a place where participating in Halloween and Christmas are harmful to her. Paul has an answer to that...


Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak. For if someone with a weak conscience sees you, with all your knowledge, eating in an idol’s temple, won’t that person be emboldened to eat what is sacrificed to idols? So this weak brother or sister, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. When you sin against them in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall. (1 Corinthians 8:9-13)​



_Romans 12:2: 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. _


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## macmonkey

So here we are 2 years later. I was convinced that most of this baggage was behind us. We've got our first child on the way (Due Jan 2013) and here comes the nutjob spiritual doctrines back into our marriage. 

I've worked very hard on my own spiritual relationship to concede with my wife praying, spending a lot of time in the church and ultimately making god a center point of our marriage.

My wife is back on the belief that we should not celebrate Holidays with the kids and I'm heartbroken at this. My family shares in my disappointment. 

We left a church that I really enjoyed because wifey didn't agree with what our pastor was telling her during our counselling (Basically that our marriage was more important than her abstention from the holidays). We came to a new church and Pastor said same thing. Now she's in disagreement with 2 pastors (and a slew of christ-centered friends and family).

These "beliefs" go outside of the holiday issue and have surfaced in our social and sex lives (I feel like I married an Amish) as well as her theories on raising our Children.

I must say that I'm becoming extremely depressed, anxiety prone, vocally angry and just not a good guy like I usually am. 

I would say at this point that my "outlook" is miserable.

I'm desperately trying to find a reputable marriage counsellor but can only hope that he/she will say or do something to bring some perspective to me or my wife. 

Right now our arguments are centered around "So you're angry because I don't want to carve a pumpkin?"... It's much more than that but I'm certainly having a hard time articulating it.

Any additional thoughts are greatly appreciated!


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## RandomDude

Threads like these brings back memories, I still don't get not having christmas trees/halloween simply because it originated from a "pagan" festival. It's like completing the cultural genocide of the cultures and traditionals Christianity overrun in medieval Europe. But that's just me

My wife and I had some SERIOUS issues with religion - which made me join this forum in the first place years ago. All I can suggest is to do what I did; don't fight the faith, but accommodate it. For example, I learnt many quotes from the bible (which ironically she once taught me herself) which contradicts many religious doctrines that may be intolerant/materialist/religious, helping to remind her of those kept her from complete fundamentalism.

It still took a seperation to make her realise I'm not putting up with fundamentalism however... religion is a dangerous thing


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## RandomDude

To this day my people are having issues with Christianity, and its habit of overruning native customs, traditions, etc due to its intolerance. But people are overcoming it through merging Christianity with shamanistic, buddhist and nomadic traditions. Otherwise the Christians can pack their bags and leave our people alone lol


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## DTO

macmonkey said:


> So here we are 2 years later. I was convinced that most of this baggage was behind us. We've got our first child on the way (Due Jan 2013) and here comes the nutjob spiritual doctrines back into our marriage.
> 
> I've worked very hard on my own spiritual relationship to concede with my wife praying, spending a lot of time in the church and ultimately making god a center point of our marriage.
> 
> My wife is back on the belief that we should not celebrate Holidays with the kids and I'm heartbroken at this. My family shares in my disappointment.
> 
> We left a church that I really enjoyed because wifey didn't agree with what our pastor was telling her during our counselling (Basically that our marriage was more important than her abstention from the holidays). We came to a new church and Pastor said same thing. Now she's in disagreement with 2 pastors (and a slew of christ-centered friends and family).
> 
> These "beliefs" go outside of the holiday issue and have surfaced in our social and sex lives (I feel like I married an Amish) as well as her theories on raising our Children.
> 
> I must say that I'm becoming extremely depressed, anxiety prone, vocally angry and just not a good guy like I usually am.
> 
> I would say at this point that my "outlook" is miserable.
> 
> I'm desperately trying to find a reputable marriage counsellor but can only hope that he/she will say or do something to bring some perspective to me or my wife.
> 
> Right now our arguments are centered around "So you're angry because I don't want to carve a pumpkin?"... It's much more than that but I'm certainly having a hard time articulating it.
> 
> Any additional thoughts are greatly appreciated!


Well, it sounds like someone handed her a Watchtower and she really likes it.

As you noted, you can have her pastor try to explain that a being a good Christian is not incompatible with celebrating holidays or birthdays, and that being a good Christian requires her to provide for your sexual satisfaction.

Beyond that, you really cannot do much without threatening the family stability. Were I in your shoes, I would not rub your differences in her face and get a tree in the home despite her beliefs. But, I would set these boundaries: (1) Her beliefs will not interfere with your children celebrating wholesome, positive traditions and enjoying a nice upbringing, and (2) her beliefs will not interfere with the close extended family tradition in which you expect your kids to participate.

I would go further and say that if she tries to badger or shame you or the kids into compliance with her value system, you will do your best to minimize her influence into the child's lives. Sounds harsh, but I simply (and firmly) believe that these are bizarre and dangerous cults not compatible with a happy and balanced life. I've known many people with these belief systems and they are harmful.


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## DrDavidCOlsen

It is not uncommon for people to become zealous in their faith. Fighting it will only make it worse. Try to understand more of where she is coming from from an empathic point of view. Be curious not argumentative. Encourage her to talk to other clergy but do not argue your point. Hopefully, this stage will give way to a more balanced spirituality. DrDavidCOlsen "The couple's survival workbook"


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## TrueLovely

Have you ever considered why you celebrate the holidays? probably because thats what you and generations before you have always done? why dont you research the roots of the holidays you so blindly ceelebrate, and see if they agree with the faith you profess? Why not create somthing you both can celebrate, that will honor your faith, and be somthing you can do as a family. I dont think you can be arrested for thinking outside the box, of holidays that may not be true to your faith. Just seems like it would stink, not to buld a family, because of a holiday, you dont even know the full meaning of.


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## forevermemorable

Okay, I can sympathize with your wife to a degree. My wife loves to celebrate birthdays...an old family tradition...what the heck...who doesn't have that family tradition.

Anyways, a few years back, I just starting despising birthdays. I thought logically about it...what a selfish celebration. Its all about giving glory to ourselves...what a load of garbage from the pit of hell (I still believe that). There is the idea that has been instilled in us to believe that we can have a special day that makes it all about us. The truth is, its not about us, its all about Jesus.

Okay, before people interject by calling me a religious fanatic or holy roller, or something else. I do not walk around saying Jesus this and Jesus that...that is just plain silly. I don't want to be so heavenly minded that I am no earthly good.

Never the less, my wife believes in the celebration of birthdays. So, as I have allowed the conviction of the Holy Spirit to speak to my heart, I have learned that I needed to show my wife love by accepting her views, even though I believe she is weak in this area, Paul wrote that we ought to accept those weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment. So, I have embraced the birthday traditions and my heart is NOT bittered anymore and my spirit is right. The posting by "Tanelornpete" is 100% right on!

I see where your wife is coming from, because I have had the same feelings as her, but the Spirit has shown me how legalistic I can be in that regards and hence not showing love the way Christ would have me show love to my wife.

But from your perspective, you ought to accept your wife's views and not be bitter against her in light of these views. Can you do that? Can you let it go? I believe if your truly don't give a place for satan to rob, kill, and destroy in this regards, Christ will allow His joy to be your strength. "But its so hard" you might say...you are right, it is very hard. In fact, its nearly impossible, but with Christ, all things are possible (Philippians 4:13).

Do you really want to come against your wife in resentment and bitterness or do you want Christ to rule and reign in your life and do what He would have you do? I don't have to convince or testify to you of the truth of this message of which I write, because I already know the Holy Spirit is affirming and convicting you with it right now. Accept it, embrace it, cherish it, let it flow in and through you and you will be amazed at the work of His mighty hand upon you, your marriage, and your upcoming parenthood.

May the Lord bless you and keep you, may His face shin upon you. You and your wife are in my prayers.


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## that_girl

This would be a huge deal breaker for me.

I'm all for following your path and blah blah but...extremists scare me and make me feel trapped. I couldn't have the divided house on holidays.

But, I don't like to associate with religious people anyway. The minute they start talking about what God wants is the minute they lose me. To even presume to know what God wants is such blasphemy. And the Bible was written by men and translated many times...so I don't trust that either.

Your wife is doing what she does, but that shouldn't stop you from doing what you do. It would break my heart to celebrate holidays without my husband, but I'd do it if he pulled this crap. I didn't sign up for an ultra-religious union, and I won't live in one either.

My ancestors were the pagans, so I just stick to my roots. lol. Religion, to me, is just a way to control the masses. I don't buy into it.


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## JoyfulHeart

I have read through this all and just want to share some things about my life and experience. Take anything you want from it.

I am a Christian and my H is an Atheist (although at times it seems to switch to agnostic). Anyways, that aside, I have done my own research into the holidays and things. First I will tell you my conclusions and then what I have done from there.

Yes, it was the Catholic church who basically made all these holidays as to get the pagans converted with ease. Easter was a pagan holiday attributed to fertility, the bunny represents this (btw, why does Easter float around? I have yet to figure that out) Christmas was the pagan holiday to celebrate the winter solstice. However, Jesus was not born on December 25. historical evidence suggests that it was either spring or fall that he was born. Halloween, well other posters have shared in this already. Even the Sabbath was changed to Sunday in hopes more pagans would be converted to Catholicism. There are many things the Catholic Church did that I shake my head: We are not to have idols yet they have people pray to the statues of saints and of Mary - sorry but that is idol worship. Yet this was introduced to make it easier for the pagans at the time to follow catholic doctrine.

Now, With the differences of beliefs in my home, Christian/Non-Christian, there also needs to be compromise and tolerance. For example, this past Halloween, H took the boys out trick-or-treating. I stayed in the house, but I did not make it an issue either. I was excited for the boys. But I will not actively participate in it. I still do Christmas as I did growing up, but I also know it has nothing to do with Christ or his birth, it is basically purely pagan. At the same time though I can use it as a tool to show that we do need to think of others and give of ourselves (sad that this only comes once a year). As for Easter, neither H nor I do it.

Now we have three boys and another on the way. What about things like the tooth fairy and santa clause and the easter bunny? Well, both H and I are in agreement when we say they do not exist, we teach our children that they are imaginary. However, H does not attribute this to God in front of them (while I sure he thinks God is on the same level as Santa Clause) point is because I do believe God to exist, H tolerates and compromises on this.

The point I am trying to make is this, when we are convicted by things that we learn, sometimes it is meant for us. We all walk on different paths, none of us are at the same spot. Your wife needs to understand that while she may be at a point where holidays are now meaningless to her, they are not meaningless to you. Perhaps she can come up with some compromises like I did. Then again, sometimes a person is just stubborn and that is that. You are going to have to sit her down and tell her that while you respect her beliefs, she needs to return that to you as well. Say that you are not convicted in the same manner that she is and that it is not fair that she imposes this on you as you have not come to the same conclusion. You may or you may not. And with a child involved, my H and I teach them each of our beliefs, one day they will choose for themselves. When I was in grade 6, my mom was convicted about Halloween and my brother and I never went thereafter. He now actively participates in it (like really dressing up the house and himself and goes to parties) and I am the opposite, but at the same time I don't impose my convictions onto H because he is not at the same path point that I am at. Maybe one day he will, maybe he won't, but it is not for me to judge as I was the one convicted nor him.

Anyways, hope you were able to read through all that. Hope there is some ideas or something in there for ya. Sometimes getting both sides makes it easier to figure things out, but I think there may come a time when you will have to take leadership of the marriage and simply say that you will respect her beliefs and not force her to decorate for the holidays, but at the same time she needs to bite her tongue and even allow the children to participate.

Its a toughy you are in.


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## SelfTweaks

Aren't we talking about your wife here? I believe you are the one who may be out of line here.

Your wife's spiritual journey is not a phase and it is disrespectful for you to continue to treat it as such. Her relationship to God is simply that - hers!

She's not forcing anything on you. She has her own set of beliefs and values and she refuses to participate in certain activities because of those beliefs. You are the one who has chosen to be "shocked, angry, upset, confused and a number of other emotions."
You should be supporting her instead of belittling her.

Marriage is about compromise and respecting each other. Instead of trying to control her and trying to force her to do things your way, why not try to compromise? Explain to her how you feel about the holidays and that you would like your children to participate in them. The ideal compromise would be for the both of you to explain to them why you have differing views and allow your children to choose.

But you seem to just want it your way or no way at all. If you persist with this mentality, you might end up on the losing end of this battle.

Respect your wife's opinions, support her in her beliefs without compromising your own and discuss with your wife ways that you can present both beliefs to your future children in the most respectful way possible.


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