# Eyes are open and more confused than ever



## behappy123 (Jan 5, 2013)

So I won't delve into too much detail but my husband has told me recently that he is unhappy and doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore. 

The first time he told me this, I was devastated and I did everything that you were not supposed to do like begging him to stay, talking about good memories, saying that I would work on the relationship, ect. 

The last time he told me that, which was two weeks ago, I decided that I wasn't going to beg and plead for him to stay anymore so I told him that I loved him and wanted him here but if he felt like he wasn't happy and didn't want to be here anymore than he should leave. 

It hasn't been brought up since and he never left, but I felt like it was always in the back of his mind. In the meantime knowing what was going on and what could happen, I started reading this book called Divorce Busting which talks about doing the 180 move and making yourself happy. I also got myself into IC. 

I had hope that our relationship would be Ok but I wanted to prepare myself for the worst so I would make it out Ok in the end. I started putting me first and building my support system. I stopped checking in with him or asking what he did when he wasn’t home and focused on the things that I love and hanging out with people I care about. I can tell that I have thrown him for a giant loop and I have never felt so strong or free. This was extremely hard at first but now I don’t mind it at all. It doesn’t bug me anymore if I don’t talk to him during the day or if he goes out at night with his friends as before I used to sit and stew about it. 

He seems to have changed and is coming to me now instead of me extending myself. I think he finally realized that I am no longer going to be at his beck and call and that I am going to be happy with or without him. He has been acting very loving towards me and doing things he normally wouldn’t do. 

That being said, all the ground work that I did to possibly move on has caused me to look into my future and what it would be like to be myself and the thought does sound nice. I never used to be able to see my future without him and I used to believe that I couldn’t live without him. 

That is the part that I am struggling with. I love him and I know that I will probably work through it, but the thought of being alone does not scare me anymore and it sounds lovely sometimes. 

I might add that I really do believe my husband is bipolar, but he refuses to get help. He can be emotionally abusive and his mood swings are horrible. He also drinks which makes it even worse at times. The drinking isn't everyday or anything but it is 2-3 times a week.


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## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

It sounds like you have everything under control... good for you.

How long have you two been married, (first marriage?) and do you have any kids?

Yes, Divorce Busting does rock.


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## behappy123 (Jan 5, 2013)

I do feel like I have the situation under control but I have never thought about not being with him so it is extremely confusing. The thought of being alone sounds nice and it probably would be for a while but I don't know if it would make me happier than making it work with my husband. 

We have been married for four years and together for seven. It is the first marriage for both of us and we do not have any kids. 

I LOVE that book!!


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## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

> We have been married for four years and together for seven. It is the first marriage for both of us and we do not have any kids.


You made vows for life, didn't you?

First divorces average around the 7-8 year mark. Bail now and instead of learning how to work out your differences, you'll learn how to divorce. This is why on average, second marriages fail even sooner than the first.



> The thought of being alone sounds nice and it probably would be for a while but I don't know if it would make me happier than making it work with my husband.


Ahhh yes, the wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. What things do you feel you can't do because you're married? How exactly is your husband and marriage holding you back from true "happiness"?



> I LOVE that book!!


Then you know it only takes one partner to start making changes for the better. As a matter of fact, you've already seen changes in him because of your actions.


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## behappy123 (Jan 5, 2013)

Yes, I made vows for life and I'm not going anywhere, but I can't help but wonder what life would be like without him. I would never act on it because I did take my vows seriously and I do love and care about him, but the thought of having alone time has crossed my mind. 

It's not necessary that I feel like I am being held back or can’t do something because I’m married. It's more like I get so sick of his drinking, emotional abuse, and feeling like I have to tailor myself and moods based on whether he is having a good day or not. 

Yes, I do realize that it only takes one person to start the changes and I do agree that by me starting, he is also doing things. I also know at the same time that he has something mental going on and refuses to get help.


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