# Husband's Ex's Daughter



## lgirl (Aug 22, 2012)

I have been married for almost two years now. I must admit that my husband and I started seeing each other before he completely ended the relationship he was already in. He was not married, but he was with the woman and her three children for eight years. Although he tried his best to keep me out of the relationship’s demise, my existence did come to light several months after her and her children moved out. I spent about a year having my car maliciously attacked in four separate incidents: two destroyed rear view mirrors, at least half a carton of eggs thrown once and then two car windows shot out by a BB gun. After the BB gun incident, I filed a police report and offered to the police a very, very short list of possible suspects with the ex’s teenage daughter at the top of that list. During this time, my husband and I would fiercely fight about who it could be, each time he would emphatically deny the possibility that it could be the ex’s daughter, even though his own children (who had grown up together with the ex’s children) were certain that she was the culprit. When the police asked me for contact information for the ex during the course of the investigation, my husband lied to me and told me had none, though a cursory check I performed of his text’s on his cell phone revealed three good numbers. I was devastated by his lie and felt betrayed. Subsequently he ended communications with the ex and all but one of her children, the eldest son, or so I was told.

But, soon the ex and her daughter began to make attempts at communication with my husband again, primarily through the daughter and using what seem to me to be strange excuses and reasons. First the was a random request for him to buy a half used gift card from the daughter so she could have some money, which he did for her despite my objections. Then the daughter dropped by late one Sunday evening unexpectedly and spent about 5-10 minutes talking with my husband alone. Soon after he told me she had asked to do some odd chores for money around the house while I wasn’t home. My husband consulted with me about this request two weeks after he received it. Again, a check on his texts revealed that he had contacted the daughter the Monday after she had come by, gushing over how beautiful she was now and engaging in deep conversations with her during those two weeks. (My husband is not the gushing type, not even to his own daughters.) I did not reveal to him what I knew of the texts but politely declined the request to do chores for money, saying I didn’t feel comfortable with that arrangement and asking again for limits on the communications and intrusions on our lives. 

Yet again, my husband was called a few nights ago (on a Sunday) by the daughter, with a call that started on speakerphone with her asking if he was home, then was quickly take off of speaker as he was told some story that he later very briefly and vaguely related to me about how she had her purse stolen from inside her home and that she wanted to come by and get some money from him. My husband told her he had no cash on him at the time but for her to call him back the following day. 

My husband acts highly secretive, shifty and defensive about the ex’s daughter and this makes me feel anxious and suspicious, besides opening up the old betrayal wound. I understand that I broke his trust by snooping through his texts but I feel like my intuition is screaming at me and I just can’t understand the language. I know that this feels weird and that I am uncomfortable with this relationship. Is there something I am missing here that is obvious?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> I have been married for almost two years now. I must admit that my husband and I started seeing each other before he completely ended the relationship he was already in. He was not married, but he was with the woman and her three children for eight years.


And you sort of hoped that everyone would be happy with what you did and not make any waves? Well, that clearly didn't work.

Why would you insist on no contact with his former wife and his children?


----------



## lgirl (Aug 22, 2012)

I understand the price that has to be paid for how our relationship started. I understand that the kids would be angry.
To clarify, these children are not his at all. He has his own kids, not with her, and she has her own kids. I'm not trying to keep him away from his own children. Also, they were never married, so not his former wife.


----------



## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

You should really keep on his trail, because it doesn't sound like he left his ex-wife for you, it sounds like he left his ex-stepdaughter for you.
I'm pretty horrified and usually I would go into how you broke up a family and should expect to get cheated on and blah blah blah but I'm not because honestly? This situation sounds really messed up and I feel bad for you.


----------



## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Did he raise the ex's daughter as a father figure? If he did.... and he cheated with you, what the hell do you expect? You got what you wanted. Enjoy.


----------



## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Ok, firstly, a woman who marries a cheater, ends up being married to a cheater. Sorry, but that is how it is. 

Secondly, I am sorry, again. Your intuition is correct. He is not only a cheater, but he is smarming his 'step daughter' too. And smarming her into bed. He is having an A with her....without a doubt. 

Get this thread moved to the Coping with Infidelity forum, get in touch with a moderator to get it moved, that is where it needs to be. And it will get much response. Not all of it pleasant. But you will have to sift through that and get what you need. And you will. You will get GOOD advice there, even if it is unpalatable, it is good! 

There is a standard behaviour for cheaters. Do not doubt it. I have spent a LONG time on there following my own experience, nearly a year, and having read many threads, it is standard behaviour. 

Whatever you do, DON'T EVER GIVE YOUR GAME AWAY UNTIL YOU HAVE ALL THE ACES YOUR PACK. Please do not confront until you have all the evidence you need so as not to make HIM more careful, and YOU not to believe the sh*t he will tell you to make you believe it is all in your head and all your problem rather than what he is doing. There are ways to catch him, don't make him think you are on to him any further until you really are.

Sorry, but I think that the situation you have here is doomed, due to what you describe. Be prepared for the end, unless of course you are prepared to stay with a man who does what he IS doing. Prepare yourself to move on to something better. Educate yourself on the infidelity forum. And move on to something better. I hope you don't have children involved in this.


----------



## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

lgirl said:


> I understand the price that has to be paid for how our relationship started. I understand that the kids would be angry.
> To clarify, these children are not his at all. He has his own kids, not with her, and she has her own kids. I'm not trying to keep him away from his own children. Also, they were never married, so not his former wife.


It does not matter that he is NOT the biological father. He was a father to these kids for EIGHT years. I cannot, for the life me, understand how women can marry a man and not realize that their new husband's relationship with the children is IMPORTANT.

Was it right that the daughter MIGHT have vandalized your car? NO. Can I understand it? YES...you and your husband/boyfriend broke up her mother's relationship by CHEATING.

Remember that the older we get, the more of a past people have. I believe that your snoping is caused by the lack of trust you because of the affair.


----------



## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

I guess I do not see where everyone else is getting that his boinking his almost step daughter too.


----------



## KnK (Oct 15, 2012)

I would say he was her father for a very long time and it would seem normal for her and him to want to communicate and keep some sort of relationship but him being secretive and her always just asking for money seems really weird and I would get to the bottom of it.


----------

