# Preparing for the inevitable?



## helpmeunderstand (Dec 22, 2009)

My W and I have finally set up counseling sessions which will start at the end of January. We have been married 14 years and together 15. The last year has been very tough. We had a long discussion this morning and for the first time we actually talked rationally about divorce. Personally I would much rather work things through with counseling but I believe that she thinks things are beyond hope. The good news (if there is any) is we can rationally talk about this and that we have both agreed to go to counseling and not to make any decisions until after that, but I am concerned that she no longer really loves me and has given up. 

My biggest concern if things can’t be made to work out is I have no personal support structure. I was born in another country to where I live and do not have a good relationship with my parents (specifically my Mother). I do have a good relationship with my brother but being in another country makes it harder to communicate. Other than that I am very introverted and I guess I need to learn how to socialize again. Can any of you give me some ideas on how I can build up my social network? Some examples on what you have done may help. I am going to need to get out and meet new people as it’s sad to say I have no close friends. What sort of activities should I look at on the weekend? BTW I’m in my late 30’s.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

hey sorry to hear about your marriage, maybe the thearapist will help.
It's a good idea to start thinking about your self and bettering your life, well you could try to do some volunteer work, working out at a gym. volleyball team, baseball team, ask people from work if they want to go out for drinks. Slowly you will meet some new people and start to socialize more.
good luck to you, and keep in contact with your brother, emails are a great way to stay connected.
this forum is a great support system


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I would definately start looking in places that you enjoy. If you like sports, go hang out at a sports bar and find some people there that you enjoy. Volunteering is always wonderful, and you could meet some pretty cool people through that also!! Best of luck with counseling and everything!


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## helpmeunderstand (Dec 22, 2009)

Dawn and Jessi, thanks for the good ideas. I found a site on the web that has volunteer opportunities and I think I will take up something there. The biggest hurdle I have to over come is I an introverted and shy amongst new people. I'm more on the intellectual side that the sports side.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

The most awesome thing about all of this is that if you don't like someone, you don't have to go back. If the situation is too awkward then maybe find another place to try. If you are shy in crowds, think about maybe being a tutor for underpriveledged kids. If one on one is worse, then try attending some lectures or something that you have a deep rooted interest in. If you go to things you enjoy, you will find other people that enjoy those same things. This will make conversation flow easily!!


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