# Marriage of convenience?



## cao428 (Jun 26, 2008)

Hey guys,

There is a saying "its in his kiss". Well in the lovemaking dept.there is none, no kiss. What used to be a fiery, passionate sexual relationship has been reduced to him asking me to give him a HJ, or a BJ, of which I sometimes give in to, but I am feeling like "is this what it's come down to?" It doesn't feel good...almost feels cheap...based on lust, not love. 

I am missing the intimacy and romance. Kissing to me is the biggest turn on, and he doesn't seem to want to. Lovemaking can be so beautiful but I don't know what it's even like anymore. Should I just refuse to have contact and talk to him about why?

Does this mean the marriage has lost it's flame? We have a relationship that is calm and sharing of ideas, working together to put our daughter through college, etc. I am feeling like it's a marriage of convenience...or is this normal when couples get older? I tend to think not..that it doesn't have to be this way.

We have been together 30+ years...been thru hell an back together. He has strayed, I have not. 

I could use a man's viewpoint...and can take it whatever you think.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Yes it's lost it's flame, but that doesn't mean you can't get it back.

First, why do a HJ or BJ when you want more? Those are for times when you may not want sex but feel like taking care of him. If there's a need on BOTH sides, BOTH sides get their need taken care of.

Explain to him that a fulfilling, intimate sexual relationship is needed to keep the marriage together. That is YOUR need. If he can't meet your needs, you will ultimately become resentful and frustrated and less likely to meet his needs.


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## cao428 (Jun 26, 2008)

Thanks Chris,

You hit the nail on the head. You are right why should I? Last time I didn't but allowed him to take it in another direction. Sadly sex with him is beginning to lose it's attraction for me...which is HUGE as I have always wanted him...in all of the 30 years. He doesn't seem interested either..which is where the problem starts I think. He just wants his needs met when he gets the urge...and so it's like making a trip to the bathroom as far as I am concerned....how sad is that?

I will explain that to him, but not sure it will change things. I didn't mention he is under extreme stress right now due to finances which may also be a huge factor and I do understand how that affects him. Maybe I should put it all on hold given the circumstances...and just not give in to servicing him like he's a damn cow. Ugh! Still need to explain to him why though.Thanks!


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

So I'm going to make a, not so big leap here, and say the lack of connection is not just in the bedroom. Stop me if I'm wrong but when was the last time you both had a date night, a quiet walk with some sharing and holding hands, etc.? Isn't there more to this?


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