# He's 65 and wants a baby/Divorce filed



## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

Well, it has been some time since I posted. It has been a rough 2 years. After finishing up with his second therapist and showing no signs of seeking further help, I waited a couple of weeks and moved to my Moms. I still had the tiniest bit of hope that he would come to his senses. After a week and a half of being miserable at my Mom's (small house, they are both retired, and I would get their marriage advice non-stop). I went back home. Nothing changed, and I continued to make plans for starting a career after 28 years of being a homemaker. 

A week after I had been back, we were in the car with our two grandsons On the way home, he received a phone call and as he is no good at hiding anything, it was obvious the phone call was one he didn't want me to know about. It was a doctor's office confirming a visit. Well, it took very little for me to get the information I needed and find out it was an appointment with a fertility doctor. To catch you up if you haven't read my other posts. I am 56, but after surgery and trying for a baby of our own (besides my two daughters whom he loves very much) it became apparent that my tubes had scarred up and it wasn't going to happen. He has no girlfriend, no prospects of one that I know of (and I've been keeping pretty good tabs on things. 

He is very much an introvert and not socially adept.) He canceled the appointment, but really that was the last straw. He holds it against me for not having children of his own, though I was T1Diabetic, had already had a tubal ligation in first marriage when he married me. He badly wanted a family at age 36. He claimed that he doesn't know why he made the appointment but that he was mad that I left. So I hired a lawyer and had the papers drawn up, but because our house was not quite ready for the market and we still had photos to go through and inventory to do (3,000 sq ft house and 1200 sq foot shop), I stayed in the guest room and still cooked dinner, etc Before my lawyer filed the paperwork, he went behind my back and filed himself. 

Now there is of course a counterpetition. I just leased an apartment and we have settled on a monthly allowance until I have taken some more classes to bone up on the skills from previous positions as a legal secretary. He is distraught and never thought it would go this far. I know he doesn't love me like a husband should love his wife. I know he is resentful that I didn't get pregnant. I did offer adoption years ago, but he didn't like that idea. Now I don't know what to tell people as to why we are divorcing. When I'm angry about how much my life is changing, I feel I want to tell everyone that he is crazy and wants to have a baby (somehow - maybe surrogacy) and because I won't agree to go along with it, he is angry. 

He has always had a victimization complex. Everything that he sees as a negative is because someone is "screwing him over". He is jealous of men who have the things he wants (like a son). He is healthy and his 5 grandchildren love him very much. I have been a dedicated wife and lover to him all these years and now it means nothing. I gave up trying. I never so much as flirted with anyone and now I am facing the prospect of dating. I'm scared ****less. BUT, I'm fit, well built, socially adept and smart, so I know I will be alright. This is hard. I guess I'm am just venting, but I do want to ask if there is any harm in my sneaking into his bed for sex in the next two weeks while I am packing and moving into my apartment. The sex was the one thing we always had and I feel slightly panicked that it will truly be over for us. 

Am I in jeopardy of harming my court case? I know I am going to be so lonely until the divorce is over and I can slowly take the time to be brave enough to be with another man again. Please tell me I am not making a huge mistake if I give in and jump his bones one last time (or maybe two or three last times).


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

DO .....NOT........DO........IT !!!!

It will only serve to make the mental prospects of your divorce that much more convoluted in your head.

Focus every last bit of "energy" into getting this divorce chapter closed out. I know its tough, find different ways

to fill that sexual need. Hang it there.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Since laws are different in each state, you will need to ask your attorney if it would cause a problem with your divorce case. Here were I live, it would not. But none of us know where you live.

That said, don't do it. It will mess with your head. You will most likely regret it afterwards.

He seems to basically be mistreating you. Why would you want sex with someone who is mistreating you?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Why?

The only thing that you could possibly get is a meaningless orgasm or rarer still, an unneeded pregnancy!*


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Sex? .....Yes.

Using your OWN hands and means.
Learn to do without [a man] in the interim.

By pleasing yourself, you please him.

You deserve 'it', he does not.


TH-


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I think he has become obsessed, possessed.
Possessed by a tenacious subconscious suggestion!

This in not normal thinking.
It is waaaay out there.

Extreme, Excessive Compulsive Disorder on display.

Some external force impinging on a [self kept bleeding] inner weakness.

This, a last ditch, 'end of life crisis'.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sex when you're leaving is a mistake. That will keep you bonded. More than one pending divorce has gone away because the parties continued having sex. It's great for staying but not if you're leaving. Don't.


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## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

I know in your heart that you are right. I hope I can be moved out completely very soon and stop facing the daily heartbreak that I expose myself to here. Thank you!


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## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

That is a good point. I don't think in in other circumstance I would even want to spend 10 minutes alone with someone who has mistreated me.


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## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

I can't get pregnant, hence his belated awareness that his life is ruined because he didn't have a child of his own and didn't realize until lately that he doesn't know if he can live with that. But I see your point


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## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

I did just buy a fabulous new toy and boy were the reviews spot on! There is nothing wrong with enjoying it alone. I guess I miss the hugging and kissing part especially. I miss that part real bad and though he is withdrawn and bitter most of the time now, when he wants sex, he suddenly finds that he likes me plenty well and calls me "baby" and gives me shoulder rubs. Aaaagghh. I hate manipulation. I WILL be strong!


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## Suzy0sunshine* (Feb 22, 2018)

You are right and the therapist has said basically the same thing. He also can't face the thought of death. He can't watch funeral commercials. He minimizes the problem when he realizes once again that he is going to lose what he has. Which of course makes me crazy. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. He won't take medication. He won't practice mindfulness. He won't journal. He won't meditate. He won't get a hobby or make any friends. He just broods and ruminates. I will be so glad to be in my little apartment without his negativity hanging in the air.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

He can't seriously be thinking about having a child now at his age? How utterly selfish!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, people late in life often wish very much that they had done things differently when they were younger. But there's obviously no point in wishing to change the past. What's done is done. You either accept the choices that were made then or you you can choose to be bitter and resentful that life didn't work out the way you wanted it to. He's chosen to be bitter and resentful because he doesn't have a son (presumably to carry on his name but there never was a guarantee that he could have had a son -- he might have fathered a houseful of daughters). Maybe after the divorce he'll find a woman who wants to have his child. Maybe not. More likely he'll be bitter and resentfulfor the rest of his life but at least you won't have to put up with it.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

SuzyOsunshine,
what a sad and bitter man your STBX H is, does he realise he is likely to lose you all, not just you. What do your grown kids think of all of this considering they probably see him as their Dad?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Since laws are different in each state, you will need to ask your attorney if it would cause a problem with your divorce case. Here were I live, it would not. But none of us know where you live.
> 
> That said, don't do it. It will mess with your head. You will most likely regret it afterwards.
> 
> He seems to basically be mistreating you. *Why would you want sex with someone who is mistreating you?*


In many cases, in this one particularly..

For her:
Sex is more important than wisdom.
More important than pride.

Having sex, releasing the endorphins, releases the pain of separation.
Even if...
Even if for a moment.

This, from her to him..
May be hysterical bonding.
Her loins bonded to him, trying to elicit, to pull out of him his nectar.
Pull out of him, his sin of abandonment.

He, abandoning her.

Keep in mind, his loins are still pressing him, pushing him for release.
A mad thought in an old man. His mind locked in the past.

Him, releasing his seed, into a womb, another womb so as to conceive.

Conceive a child. 
Conceive, give birth to his long held, ever held dream.

She is subconsciously stealing his seed, that which floats in a creamy white gel.
Stealing it for herself one last, more than one last time.

Her aim....

Making him feel good, Making the monster between his legs go to sleep.
The monster forgetting about its dream to penetrate, enter the womb, and empty its seed therein.
And to impregnate said womb.

She wants to drain his desire of making, having a dividing zygote, having 'her' instead. 
Lulling the monster to sleep.

She, a women, one who can give him pleasure, over and over.

Has his mind has gone astray, Nay!
It is 'yet', ever has been astray. 
It never left youth, his past dreams never died.

There is some force within him that will not lay quiet. 
It continues to rear its little head. 
Wanting to perform its duty. 
Again and again, till consummated.

He is consumed by this thought, a thought locked in place
He, having obsessions, having, living with this OCD. 
Obsessive compulsive desire. Par Max.

A duty deemed by God as belonging to youth, not to older men. 
A duty deemed, named impregnation. 

She, subconsciously, is taking his mind off baby making, putting him in orgasmic bliss.

Putting him and his monster to sleep. Deflating the monster, making it smaller, keeping it thus.
Not a factor, not looming large. Bulging into his conscious mind.


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

65 and wanting a baby this guy has lost his mind.


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