# Husband is annoyed and angry with me 3 or 4 times a week.



## Lilfairyash (Apr 29, 2016)

My husband gets extremely angry at me for normal human mistakes... Today I bumped his foot with a shopping cart and he looked at me like he wanted to kill me. He had pure hatred and loathing in his eyes. I started to notice his disgust with me about 3 months ago. It gets worse week after week... He gets more and more angry at me for the tiniest things. Every other day he talks to me like I'm stupid and inconsiderate even though I literally act like I'm here to take care of his every need. I love him with all my heart and treat him like a king but I feel like he's only staying with me because im an awesome maid and mom. I thought I had found the person I was going to be with till I died but now I feel like he is looking for a reason to leave me. Why else would you be so infuriated by the tiniest thing your partner does? I need help to fix this and make things better.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Can you ask him? Is he willing to have a conversation with you? Not when he's angry.... after dinner or whatever, when he's kind of calm. I wouldn't be accusatory, but more like "I'd like our marriage to feel stronger. What can we do about that? Are there things you wish I'd do differently? I'm open to hearing about it." 

If conversation doesn't happen, then suggest marriage counseling. Again, suggest it in the manner of "maybe a third party can help us communicate better, and we can strengthen our marriage" etc....

Maybe he is checked out. Maybe not. Maybe he is overwhelmed by something? But some kind of conversation has to happen. 

It's worth a shot. Sometimes the conversation never happens. Sometimes one spouse just won't. Sometimes they just out and out reject counseling. In the long run, you do what you can to TRY to make things better..... and in the meantime, start thinking hard about where this relationship will go if nothing changes. What are you willing to do?


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## Lilfairyash (Apr 29, 2016)

SunnyT said:


> Can you ask him? Is he willing to have a conversation with you? Not when he's angry.... after dinner or whatever, when he's kind of calm. I wouldn't be accusatory, but more like "I'd like our marriage to feel stronger. What can we do about that? Are there things you wish I'd do differently? I'm open to hearing about it."
> 
> If conversation doesn't happen, then suggest marriage counseling. Again, suggest it in the manner of "maybe a third party can help us communicate better, and we can strengthen our marriage" etc....
> 
> ...


Our daughter is 2 1\2 and still not talking so I know he's probably stressed about that. You're right I need him to be calm when I talk to him.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

My younger son didn't talk until he was 4.

He's now almost 13 and normal. He started talking at 4 and hasn't stopped since.

Does your daughter have other signs that something is wrong or does she just not talk?

I agree that you should ask him why he's been so nasty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lilfairyash (Apr 29, 2016)

Just not talking, she's super smart. She builds and solves puzzles easily but she just won't communicate with us yet.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Do you two have sex much? Angry three or four times a week, I'm guessing not.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

He gets angry because there is no downside. Still up for yourself and scream at him and tell him you will not be treated like this for small mistakes. Let him get as angry as he wants and if he raises his hand to you, leave. If not, make it clear this will be an equal relationship. Then you can address any problems.


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## Lilfairyash (Apr 29, 2016)

I never turn down anything he needs. Like I said before I'm laterally here for his every need. I feel like he misses fighting and drama because he gets none of that with we.


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## Lilfairyash (Apr 29, 2016)

me*


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## Lilfairyash (Apr 29, 2016)

I've never turned him away in the bedroom so I know that's not the problem.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

So what's the rest of the story OP?!?

No one becomes irrationally angry for no reason. 

Especially if they were fine a few months ago. 

There's some resentment he has towards you clearly.

Want to tell us what that is so we can actually help you?

Sound's like you're just looking for help with a rug sweeping.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Oh come on now, he has no respect for you. Tell him to duck off or you'll out his nuts in a vice and PPP them like grapes. Seriously, say that to him the next time he treats you like ****. Tell him you demand he treats you like how you treat him or you will find somebody who will. He acts like that because he can and he wants to control you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Im guessing your old man doesn't have a clue that soon you will run into a guy that will say all the right things and you will love the attention.

Your old man is a dumb @ss!

Back in the day when I was doing this kind of crap to my old lady she would just leave. Hell I was lucky if she would stay out all night so I didn't have to see her.

Back in those days she was banging every guy in town.

Your old man is a dumb @ss!

You can tell me this will never happen.....but I have been here at TAM long enough to know it will happen.

Your old man is a dumb @ss!

So it's just a matter of time so leave now with honor or what and hate your self later for doing something you thought you would never do?

This kind of shyt just snowballs and before you know it your old man is crying and you got an STD from some strange you met at work.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Lilfairyash said:


> Today I bumped his foot with a shopping cart and he looked at me like he wanted to kill me. He had pure hatred and loathing in his eyes.
> 
> Every other day he talks to me like I'm stupid and inconsiderate even though I literally act like I'm here to take care of his every need. I love him with all my heart and treat him like a king but I feel like he's only staying with me because im an awesome maid and mom.


There is your side of this story, there is his side of this story, and somewhere in between lies the truth. To begin with, if someone looks as if they want to kill you and has "pure hatred and loathing" in their eyes, I doubt you are feeling love. Fear, yes. But love? Nope. I doubt it.

And if you are waiting on him hand and foot and he's is treating you like crap, it's time to ask a few questions about this. Such as, is there another woman in his life? Could be an EA or PA. Either way, he could be getting sick of you because he is in the fog of an affair.

On the other hand, this issue also begs the question: Why do you feel love for a man who treats you with complete contempt? Do you have self-esteem issues?



Lilfairyash said:


> I need help to fix this and make things better.


You can't "fix" this because you have no power whatsoever to "fix" or change another person; namely, in this case, your husband. If you are waiting on him like a maid and he doesn't like you, what makes you think you can do anything to make him treat you better.

Frankly, I'm wondering why you are not only putting up with his crap, but why you continue to allow him to treat you this way. Even to the point that you feel responsible for his lousy disposition.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Hmmmm if I were you just to make sure. Take about 30 minutes go online and look over your phone bill.

Maybe he's just an azz or maybe there's a reason.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

In my case, my ex fights because he wanted me to pay his debts. 

Later, I realise he fights because he also wanted me to accept his family who causes the debts warmly. N to let them continue to do so, plaguing us debts after debts. 

Later I realised he fights because he has chosen feeding them over feeding wife n children and was staging his exit. Stage it such that I look like I am not a good wife n mum. Stage it so that he tells people I left as he has no guts to live with the evil name that he abandoned us. In the end, when I didn't divorce him just pondering while separated, he divorced me claiming I kicked him out. 

So..... Not sure what your husband is thinking. 


One thing though, just be prepared he was not thinking of you and children as priority . That's for sure.


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## Katiebird (Jun 7, 2010)

BetrayedDad said:


> So what's the rest of the story OP?!?
> 
> No one becomes irrationally angry for no reason.
> 
> ...


Beg to differ. This is exactly what happens to me. I never know what might be going to set him off. He is not violent, but just lashes out and then pulls away. No communication. My guess is that he may be stressed by fatherhood and that someone else may have caught his eye and he is feeling a bit of guilt, which is being transferred to his wife.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Lilfairyash said:


> My husband gets extremely angry at me for normal human mistakes... Today I bumped his foot with a shopping cart and he looked at me like he wanted to kill me. He had pure hatred and loathing in his eyes. I started to notice his disgust with me about 3 months ago. It gets worse week after week... He gets more and more angry at me for the tiniest things. Every other day he talks to me like I'm stupid and inconsiderate even though I literally act like I'm here to take care of his every need. I love him with all my heart and treat him like a king but I feel like he's only staying with me because im an awesome maid and mom. I thought I had found the person I was going to be with till I died but now I feel like he is looking for a reason to leave me. Why else would you be so infuriated by the tiniest thing your partner does? I need help to fix this and make things better.


Anytime there is a noticeable and sudden change in behavior of a spouse, one should consider the possibility of infidelity. Has he wanted more or less sex lately? Cold and distant?

If he's stressed out more for a good reason, it could cause this. You have got to be more assertive with him. If you aren't happy, you will eventually decide you don't love him. Solve these problems, if possible, before this happens. He needs to know that he is hurting and disrespecting you. Let him know it! Dig a little first. Infidelity needs to be ruled out before you proceed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

Lilfairyash said:


> My husband gets extremely angry at me for normal human mistakes... Today I bumped his foot with a shopping cart and he looked at me like he wanted to kill me. He had pure hatred and loathing in his eyes. I started to notice his disgust with me about 3 months ago. It gets worse week after week... He gets more and more angry at me for the tiniest things. Every other day he talks to me like I'm stupid and inconsiderate even though I literally act like I'm here to take care of his every need. I love him with all my heart and treat him like a king but I feel like he's only staying with me because im an awesome maid and mom. I thought I had found the person I was going to be with till I died but now I feel like he is looking for a reason to leave me. Why else would you be so infuriated by the tiniest thing your partner does? I need help to fix this and make things better.


He may be much like mine where you're just doing too much for him and he's taking you for granted. Don't be his maid and don't wait on him hand and foot as you're treating him like his mother. No offense, but he probably deep inside resents all that. Become more independent and avoid the arguments he's looking for.

When my husband and I were first married, he'd get in these really bad moods where it was like walking into the eye of a hurricane. They would last for days on end and if I said something wrong, he'd be angry for the entire day. Some days it was so bad that he'd go into another room and pout like a child.

There was one time where his mood lasted for an entire week and because I wouldn't "mollycoddle" him; his mood just kept on. I finally ended up sleeping in the spare bedroom because he complained about what I was watching on tv; I'd ask him what he wanted for supper and he'd tell me not to bother, etc. Again, it was like walking into the eye of a hurricane and I decided to wait it out in another room.

He hated that and would text me if I was going to stay in that room forever and I didn't reply. He texted me that he was leaving and I let him. Two hours later he came home with a bunch of groceries and then sat on the computer playing all these "I hate women" songs on the computer loud enough for me to hear.

What he wanted was a reaction out of me; which I wouldn't give him. I put earbuds in so I wouldn't have to hear the nasty songs so he eventually gave up on those too.

Shortly after we were married he called me every name in the book telling me that ours was going to be the shortest marriage on record..blah blah blah. Threw his clothes out of the closet onto the bed and said he was leaving me, as I stood there and watched.

What he wanted was the reaction I didn't give him. As he threw all his clothes in his car, I let him go. Two hours later he was back and I made him put all his clothes back in our closet since I didn't pull them out..he did. Granted, he wasn't happy about it, but I certainly wasn't going to do it..I'm not his mother..nor his maid.

He has tried to pull things on me in front of the kids like calling me the C word once and all I said to him was, "Excuse me?????" and just walked away from it. No argument there as he had to deal with the kids asking him why he's call me such a horrible thing.

The subject came up a few days later when we were talking about his 14 year old daughter dating. Her Dad said, "Any guy that dates you better treat you like a queen.." and my reply was, "And if he ever calls you the C word..he'll have your dad to deal with"

Her reply was, "Yeah but Dad called you.." and that's where I cut her off and said, "I'm not finished with THAT one yet..not at all!!" and told her that if any guy calls her that..it's the most DISRESPECTFUL name anyone could call a person...even ask your dad..

He ate his words on that one!!

Anyway, to make a very very long story a little shorter, my husband treats me much better now. Granted he gets more than childish sometimes, but I'm learning more and more how to handle it.

Keep your chin up girl, and don't be afraid to create some boundaries!!


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

If you act like a doormat, you'll be treated like one. No one respects the doormat; they wipe their feet on it and they don't think about it anymore. I'm guessing that when you were first together he probably appreciated that you did everything for him, it probably made him feel loved, but now you are just a doormat. We are supposed to grow in our relationships, challenge each other regularly to become better human beings. Treating someone like they're some sort of god to be pampered isn't challenging them to become better human beings. It turns them into self-entitled asshats. You will reap what you sow.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

You need to get his attention FAST or you will be too far gone. It happens quickly. Be careful. 

And he would be SHOCKED if he found out you were even THIS far gone. Of that I have ZERO doubt. In other words, he has no clue he's pushing you away. Let him know. Without a DOUBT. And let him know soon.


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## frason77 (Apr 29, 2016)

speak with him freely......in a good situation...i hope it will helps to build a good family relationship with both of them. Try to convinced them....


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

The issues of infidelity has been raised. I would caution there could be other reasons that can cause guilt. Gambling, drug use, loss of job to name a few. It could just be everyday stress or a fear he is not up to be a good father or husband. 

First he needs to stop using you as a punching bag. Then you need to figure out what changed three months ago when this behavior started. Check phone bills looking for phone numbers called or received and the same for texts. Review bank statements and credit scores.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Has this behavior been like this all along with a recent spike or he wasn't like this at all and it all of a sudden started?


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

JohnA said:


> The issues of infidelity has been raised.


Of course it has. This is TAM.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Lilfairyash said:


> Just not talking, she's super smart. She builds and solves puzzles easily but she just won't communicate with us yet.


Is there anything else happening in the household that makes it an unsafe environment?


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Lilfairyash said:


> My husband gets extremely angry at me for normal human mistakes... Today I bumped his foot with a shopping cart and he looked at me like he wanted to kill me. He had pure hatred and loathing in his eyes. I started to notice his disgust with me about 3 months ago. It gets worse week after week... He gets more and more angry at me for the tiniest things. Every other day he talks to me like I'm stupid and inconsiderate even though I literally act like I'm here to take care of his every need. I love him with all my heart and treat him like a king but I feel like he's only staying with me because im an awesome maid and mom. I thought I had found the person I was going to be with till I died but now I feel like he is looking for a reason to leave me. Why else would you be so infuriated by the tiniest thing your partner does? I need help to fix this and make things better.


My wife got this way after the kids arrived - if I drop something, she lets out her "you're an idiot" groan and complains that I'm doubling her work load, even though I always fix the issue. 

Maybe having kids is what causes your husband to be this way - I've noticed that kids can ratchet up the stress level in a marriage exponentially.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

ChargingCharlie said:


> My wife got this way after the kids arrived - if I drop something, she lets out her "you're an idiot" groan and complains that I'm doubling her work load, even though I always fix the issue.
> 
> Maybe having kids is what causes your husband to be this way - I've noticed that kids can ratchet up the stress level in a marriage exponentially.


Never an excuse for abuse.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Blossom Leigh said:


> Never an excuse for abuse.


Agree - however, the key is to put a stop to it early on, which I didn't do. I wanted to be the mature adult that didn't get rattled by everything (trying to contrast to her who was always stressed to the max about everything) and it didn't work - should have let her know firmly that she was out of line the first time she went ballistic over a parking spot (something she would never do with anyone else).

Point is that OP needs to be assertive when her husband gets out of line - realize that it's easier said than done, but it can be done. Couple of times I've blown up at her when she gets out of line and it works, but it's hard to not revert to being the nice guy not getting upset over dumb things (she's a bit better but still gets worked up over minor things).


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Agree - however, the key is to put a stop to it early on, which I didn't do. I wanted to be the mature adult that didn't get rattled by everything (trying to contrast to her who was always stressed to the max about everything) and it didn't work - should have let her know firmly that she was out of line the first time she went ballistic over a parking spot (something she would never do with anyone else).
> 
> Point is that OP needs to be assertive when her husband gets out of line - realize that it's easier said than done, but it can be done. Couple of times I've blown up at her when she gets out of line and it works, but it's hard to not revert to being the nice guy not getting upset over dumb things (she's a bit better but still gets worked up over minor things).


100% agree

It is a gift to the entire family to speak sooner rather than later AND be as firm as necessary.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Blossom Leigh said:


> 100% agree
> 
> It is a gift to the entire family to speak sooner rather than later AND be as firm as necessary.


Exactly - if you don't take action right away, resentments build up. I have that issue now - in trying to be the mature one, I didn't address what she was doing that bothered me. Now I have a lot of built up resentments that in my mind are too far along to address with her - it feels like it's not worth the effort in my mind (not saying that's the correct way to address it). Basically feel burned out, and I'm as much to blame as she is if not more so.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Exactly - if you don't take action right away, resentments build up. I have that issue now - in trying to be the mature one, I didn't address what she was doing that bothered me. Now I have a lot of built up resentments that in my mind are too far along to address with her - it feels like it's not worth the effort in my mind (not saying that's the correct way to address it). Basically feel burned out, and I'm as much to blame as she is if not more so.


That is exactly the risk we take by remaining silent. Glad you have eyes wide open now and can share that with others. Bravo to you.


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