# I need help and advice



## Raver

Hi y'all I recently lied to my wife about watching porn after we already had a discussion about that and i had watched it several times after that and lied to her about it 
I really want to make this right I love this women very much I hate that I made her believe me 
My wife lost complete trust in me 
I want to beg my wife for forgiveness 
How do I go about making things right I don't want to be that person anymore 
I want to regain the trust my wife had with me 
I feel terribly awful that I had lied to her 
Please offer me advice


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## Diana7

If you keep lying then how can she trust you?
If you stop lying then eventually after a very long time the trust MAY return.
Stopping the porn is a given.


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## Beach123

Didn’t ever watch porn again. That’s how you earn the trust back. 
It’s as simple as that.
The porn has ruined your marriage. If you want the marriage you need to give up what’s ruining it.


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## MattMatt

Raver said:


> Hi y'all I recently lied to my wife about watching porn after we already had a discussion about that and i had watched it several times after that and lied to her about it
> I really want to make this right I love this women very much I hate that I made her believe me
> My wife lost complete trust in me
> I want to beg my wife for forgiveness
> How do I go about making things right I don't want to be that person anymore
> I want to regain the trust my wife had with me
> I feel terribly awful that I had lied to her
> Please offer me advice


Counselling for you as an individual and counselling for you and your wife as a couple is what I'd suggest.


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## bobert

Raver said:


> Hi y'all I recently lied to my wife about watching porn after we already had a discussion about that and i had watched it several times after that and lied to her about it
> I really want to make this right I love this women very much I hate that I made her believe me
> My wife lost complete trust in me
> I want to beg my wife for forgiveness
> How do I go about making things right I don't want to be that person anymore
> I want to regain the trust my wife had with me
> I feel terribly awful that I had lied to her
> Please offer me advice


Trust takes a long time and a lot of effort to restore, and your wife may never trust you the way she once did. For some people watching porn is similar (in their mind) to an affair. If your wife thinks that way, you could have more work than just restoring trust. However, no one should trust someone else 100%. Life just doesn't work that way. 

Actions speak louder than words. All the begging and crying in the world won't matter if your words and your actions do not match. Show her that you are truly sorry, not just sorry you got caught. Stop watching porn, be totally transparent with your wife, stop hiding devices, stop clearing your history or using incognito, give her all of your passwords, hand over your device whenever she wants, get into therapy (we all benefit from it), and learn to communicate better. 

Be very consistent and do not expect things to change overnight, next week, or next month.


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## Chris Taylor

First, apologize for lying.

Second, don't apologize for watching porn.

Third, explain why you watch it (more adventurous than your sex life, masturbation aid, your only outlet) in a reasonable, non-defensive way. But listen as to why she doesn't like it.


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## Diana7

Chris Taylor said:


> First, apologize for lying.
> 
> Second, don't apologize for watching porn.
> 
> Third, explain why you watch it (more adventurous than your sex life, masturbation aid, your only outlet) in a reasonable, non-defensive way. But listen as to why she doesn't like it.


He needs to apologise for watching porn.


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## Laurentium

Chris Taylor said:


> First, apologize for lying.
> 
> Second, don't apologize for watching porn.
> 
> Third, explain why you watch it (more adventurous than your sex life, masturbation aid, your only outlet) in a reasonable, non-defensive way. *But listen as to why she doesn't like it.*


This, but especially the bolded part. And don't try to argue her out of whatever she says.


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## stevesmith99

Raver said:


> Hi y'all I recently lied to my wife about watching porn after we already had a discussion about that and i had watched it several times after that and lied to her about it
> I really want to make this right I love this women very much I hate that I made her believe me
> My wife lost complete trust in me
> I want to beg my wife for forgiveness
> How do I go about making things right I don't want to be that person anymore
> I want to regain the trust my wife had with me
> I feel terribly awful that I had lied to her
> Please offer me advice


As you have said in your thread that you have broken her trust many times, then surely sorry will not work in your case. Sometimes in a relationship when you make mistakes, again and again, it is not enough to say sorry to the partner. If you are looking for some tips to get her back in your life, you may *visit here*.


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