# Problems never seem to end here. :P



## LizzieBot (Jul 20, 2011)

I posted a couple months ago in another part of the forums about my husband's weight gain interfering with his health and our happiness in general. I was a few months pregnant at the time and starting to have problems with sex as he was crushing me with his tummy. 

Now I'm about 31 weeks pregnant and still having trouble due to his weight (which hasn't gotten any better despite having a talk about it after he found my post). On top of that, my libido has pretty much tanked due to the smooshing problem -- and the total lack of seduction or foreplay in our relationship lately. When he wants to be intimate, he pretty much just fondles my chest (which is painful for obvious reasons) for a minute then gets right to business. The whole ordeal is usually about 15-30 minutes long and leaves me feeling pretty irritated or sad as I rarely get any satisfaction out of it. It's hard to have fun with it when I haven't been warmed up at all, and am not emotionally engaged on any level as I don't even get to make out with my husband before he gets on with it. 

I have no idea what to do with all these things now. When he came across my other post in July, he was very melancholy and mopey, but he swore he would work on it to be healthy and get our lives back to normal. Instead, more things just keep popping up and I'm starting to get depressed between the high cholesterol, the blood pressure, the lack of help around the house or with our kids, and the bedroom problems. Plus we fight a lot more because he's getting relief while I go to bed pretty disappointed and feeling neglected in general.  I try not to be grouchy but it's hard when you haven't had any satisfaction in bed for nearly 5 months. Hell, he only touches me when he wants sex and doesn't seem to care if I'm ready or not, so sometimes I really want to leave the house and not come back. Unfortunately our two daughters and the unborn baby keep me here despite my frustration so I stick it out and force myself to remain civil.

I'm not sure there are any good suggestions on how to fix things right now, but I would love to hear if anyone has found a way to cope without going insane. And no, it isn't my physical condition or appearance -- I've only gained 8 pounds and was thin to begin with, and I am fastidious about my hygiene. He likes to have sex with me but is just being a jerk about it these days.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

My first husband had a belly, but we also never had sex outside of getting pregnant... but I do remember the belly smooshing my surgery scar and it hurt. 

I would suggest asking for a foot rub since you are pregnant and carrying alot of extra everything around. If you dont like foot rubs, ask him to rub your legs or something you are comfortable with. Use it as your mini warm up. Ask him to rub a little higher until he is right near "there" and then start to tell him how good that feels. SOunds like you dont have much of a problem compared to others (including myself) here. But, that being said, it feels like a huge problem for you and your circumstances. this should be easy to help for now. After you get your body back later... and want to resume or start other things with him... try different positions that dont crush your belly There are alot of them... spooning, you lay on your back at an angle to him as he lays on his side and you drape your legs up over his hip area... that would be good during pregnancy too! You on top, reverse on top, sitting facing each other while you lean back on your hands and straddle him. So many I didnt know about during my first marriage... my ex didnt know them either. maybe we would have had more sex if we had known them.

Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi Lizzie ~

Have you ever considered marriage counseling - getting a more objective third-party to help you two so that you can learn how to better communicate with each other and understand what is important to each of you?

It sounds like your H may be a selfish lover, but how do you go about communicating the things that you would like? Can you whisper in his ear - 'hey, i really love when you ...'? Can you help direct his hands?

Each person is a participant in sex, and as such you also have some measure of control over the pace that gets set. If you don't like the pace, then try and slow him down - ask him or tell him or show him what you would like him to do. And you can do it in a kind of sexy, sultry way so that it becomes part of the lovemaking - so that he doesn't end up feeling like an inept lover and get his ego bruised.

How do you go about meeting some of the things that he desires outside of the bedroom? Do you tell him that you appreciate him (and do you appreciate him?) Do you tell him that you respect him (and do you respect him)? Do you think he feels like he's someone very important and special to you, or do you think that he may feel inadequate and not much of a priority to you?

And positions where he enters you from behind are good during pregnancy and when there's a bit of extra 'frontage' on the man.

Best wishes.


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