# Never thought I'd be here...



## ScreamingInSilence (Oct 22, 2008)

We were together eight years before we got married. The best eight years. Always happy together. Would sit and talk and resolve when things weren't right. Best friends, truly.

Married for three years now - and I really feel everything is completely different. We spent a good part of the three years fighting over his parents... ie) we had to move near them, on our wedding night a limo drove us home, they grabbed a ride despite my very strong opposition, they called practically every day on our honeymoon... and so on.

So much fighting really seems to have worn us down. Not happy anymore, nooooo romance. No common interests, no common activities. Our anniversary - no gift, no special plans, just a card, with cold words. My heart is broken. 

I am almost 30. I want children. But I want to be happy with the Father. I feel a lot of pressure about figuring this situation out before I am too old to have kids. There is no communication about the issues. I have tried and tried, and the result is always nul. Any advice?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Get counciling for yourself and then build it so that both of you can be there. You need someone that can help you both learn to communicate again. It sounds like you both (specially him) just want to do what you want to do and expect unconditional love in return with no boundries.

draconis


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## believer (Apr 22, 2008)

screaming. . . so what happened? you say it's his parents. does he see it the same way? what does he think about their involvement in your married life? how were things pre-marriage? sounds like you had plenty of years prior to really know each other. what happened to the common interests from the last 8 years? did you stop spending time with each other & start taking each other for granted once you were married? 

think you need to express your concerns about his parents if you have not done so already. you sound a bit resentful above when you said you HAD to move closer to his parent. why did you have to? 
open up the lines of communication with your husband. see how he is feeling? try dating again. try counseling if having a hard time talking so at least get you on the right track. 
I think you need to explore saving your marriage before you start exploring other partners. 
good luck & start talking with your hubby to get to the "root' of the problem.


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## Ashley (Oct 21, 2008)

ScreamingInSilence said:


> We were together eight years before we got married. The best eight years. Always happy together. Would sit and talk and resolve when things weren't right. Best friends, truly.
> 
> Married for three years now - and I really feel everything is completely different. We spent a good part of the three years fighting over his parents... ie) we had to move near them, on our wedding night a limo drove us home, they grabbed a ride despite my very strong opposition, they called practically every day on our honeymoon... and so on.
> 
> ...



I am terribly sorry for what happened to you, dear. 

It is terrible that the parents phoned you every single day of your honey moon. Dont they know better??
And that they mix so much. They had 8 years to know you so they must have been very sure about you and know they had nothing at all to fear, so why this suddden turn of event?
And your husband, why did he changed?
Did you talk with him about it?
Write him a letter telling him that you are very sad and heart broken over what happened to you both since you get married and that you dont want his parents to be involved anymore in your relatonship
Go over the parents and tell them you need to have a meeting with them both, and that its very important, and tell them that now they must stop to mix in your marriage, as they are the cause of problems between your and your husband, and they are destroying it totaly with all their bad influence. and that if they have any respect and any love for you and for their son, they should stop to interfeere with your marriage or it will end in a divorce because of them.
Talk with your husband, have a sit down, decide in advance rules for the talk. No fighting, no voice raising, no accusations and blame games. Just expose the problem and say how desperate you are over what happened to you both, and that you lost all you had together after you get married and had to move near his parents, and what you both could do to resolve this situation.
What does your own parents say about all this?
Maybe you need to leave for 2 weeks or more, to your own family, and try to solve the problem by taking a bit of distance from it and trying to have a better communication with him.
If he wants to talk he know where to found you. 
But try first to talk with him by having a real meeting together and not a "talk" who is unplaned and happen by lashing out at each others in a big feud. 
Avoid that.
Plan that meeting, and talk together and just tell him how you feel that you are losing it and that you want children but you want them to be happy with their dad and that you feel that you are losing each others.
It will come on its own. Encourage him to open up, as you 2 did before you became married.
If his parents interferences are the cause of all this misery you have to move away fast to limit the damages, or to make a clear deal that is not to bargain with. 
Hi s parents got to cut the ombilical string with their son once and for all and get even with the idea that he is no longer their baby..but a grown up man, married and with the right to make his own family.

Learn to say NO to his parents.

I am very surprised that having known him for so long and being married now for 3 years, and being 30, you dont have any childrens yet. Any reasons why??


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