# How did you cope....



## AnnieC (Aug 1, 2011)

.. with a teenage daughter if you have any? Daughter has been really upset and told me this morning she hates her dad and wants to punish him in some way. I'm glad she has let her feelings out but I am also worried as sometimes she closes in.
She also said she keeps wishing it was all a bad dream and she'll wake up soon
Thanks for any advice
Annie


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Be there for her, listen to her when she wants to talk, in your actions be positive about your future and let her know you will always be there for her and you love her. She may asks questions about your husband , it is not for you to support or defend him , guide the conversations to ones where you give her faith in the future for both of you.

Your support and consistency is what she requires in the difficult time , you on turn should have someone to talk to and an IC to help you forward .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

Just be there for her and I would try to explain that this is between you and her father. 

Kids can let the resentment of these things really get to them. Both of my parents cheated on one another the entire time they were together (20+ years) and when I was younger I saw what my Dad was doing but didn't understand it. He didn't stop as I got older but was a lot more secretive about it until I was in my late teens and I could really tell my parents marriage was just being helds together for my younger brothers. On the other hand my Mother was quite open , atleast around my brother and I, about her affairs. So I resented her for some time because I saw what she was doing and didn't see what my Father was doing. Now I know a lot more about their entire relationship and what started and led up to many of the things I dealt with growing up.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

HI
I have two teenage daughters. They are really really pissed off with their mother. It is fair enough too. They have a right to be angry, resentful and to grieve in the way they see fit. They are after all people!
I think it causes teenagers to grow up very quickly. My oldest [16] has formed her own opinion of her Mothers behaviour. Being 16 this is very black and white. 
My younger one went quiet. Occasionally she would ask me to "fix it" i had to explain that i couldn't..


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

My 18 year old daughter is very angry and has little patience with her mother now. She tries to put those feelings aside and do things with her, but the feelings rise to the surface and an argument usually develops.
She often makes degrading comments about her mother to me. Most of the time I just let her vent, but sometimes I'll call her on it. No matter what she did or how stupid she has acted, she's still her mother.
My 20 year old son just avoids the whole situation. He sees his mom when he absolutely has to. Otherwise, he has no contact with her.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I answered all of my daughters questions honestly, and the ones I didn't have an answer for I told her why.
In addition we spent a more then usual time together. We talked about the "what ifs", the "time frames"....... that the thing is giving my teenage daughter the information she needed so there were no surprises. The letter she wrote me, thanking me for not keeping her in the dark and in addition respecting my choices and being "in the loop" of the direction I might be heading.

Being forth coming to my kid gave her the time to save up her baby sitting money and the time to make the adjustments she would need to make in supporting her younger brother, in the chance that this family went south in a big way.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I have 2 teenage sons, and a 7 yr old daughter. My daughter still loves her dad and still wants to see him, and be with him, while the boys want nothing to do with dad. They wont see him, or speak to him. Nothing. My ex dismisses it as "they'll get over it in time" and to just let it work itself out. He doesnt seem to get that what he did, didn't just hurt me. He betrayed the whole family.

I'm there for my boys, and they know I love them. They know I am here for them, and I do as much with them as I can, and I let them know how much I appreciate all their help.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

You can set up a support system like a therapist for her to talk things out with a third party.
Other than that, be her rock she can lean on. Try not to add your vented emotions to her. You can say you are hurt badly as a woman.
Be the best rock you can. 
Let her work out her relationship with her dad on her own.
They must work on it, or not.
You are the mom but not the referee here.
Some things can not be controlled by you.
Step back from trying to. (Support service vs Pilot) 
YK?


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## wild_irish_rose (Aug 6, 2011)

My 8 year old son goes back and forth between desperately wanting to see his father and telling me how much he hates him and never wants to see him again. Unfortunately it looks like his father made the choice for him anyway since he hasn't exercised his visitation in over a year now. But sometimes he tells me how sad he is that he never sees his father anymore, he doesn't want to go places that remind him of his father, like a restaurant they always used to go to together. This year he refused to make his father a Father's Day present because as he put it, it's not like he's going to show up anyway. More recently, he's been pushing me to start dating again because he wants a father figure in his life. He doesn't understand that since his father and I are not divorced I have no right to be dating. He met the O/W only once when he was 4 and he was really confused about why his daddy was living with her and not me. I expect if things continue as they are his anger and resentment are only going to get worse as he gets older. I'm not looking forward to those years, that's for sure.


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