# for separated parents w/kids



## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

I have been separated for a few weeks now and I talk to my daughter nearly every morning and night. We have the same conversation most of the time. How was school, how did you sleep etc. I want to talk to her as much as I can, not being there at night and in the morning is killing me. What I worry about is that the conversations seem to get quite repetetive and I don't want her to not want to call because it's the same old thing. Am I worried about something that isn't there? Maybe some examples from others would let me know what is "normal"? Idk if I'm boring her or not because I don't know what to talk about, with being out of the loop.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

How old is your Daughter? I think repitition can be good, if she is engaged in the conversation you aren't missing anything. My son is 5, we've been separated 11 months, until recently he just doesn't converse on the phone, however just two nights ago while he was with her he was really missing me and asked her to call me, it was the most engaged phone conversation we've had so far... and it wasn't uplifting or us telling each other anything new, just talking and developing our bond.


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## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

Lon said:


> How old is your Daughter? I think repitition can be good, if she is engaged in the conversation you aren't missing anything. My son is 5, we've been separated 11 months, until recently he just doesn't converse on the phone, however just two nights ago while he was with her he was really missing me and asked her to call me, it was the most engaged phone conversation we've had so far... and it wasn't uplifting or us telling each other anything new, just talking and developing our bond.


She is 9. I keep thinking the same thing about bonding, that she knows it's happening, can depend on it and gets it in her routine.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I think it's pretty normal to have some repetitive conversation, it becomes a bit of a routine, it's healthy I think. Maybe you can get a little more in depth and talk about what she did that day at school based on what she usually talks about friends, favorite subjects, I sometimes ask my kids "what was the funniest thing that happened at school today?" It's an open ended question that allows them to answer it with more than a yes or no.

Hope this helps


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

I can only address this from the perspective that my DD is 18 now. For the moment, she is with her dad (she was 17 when he left)in NJ, I'm in FL. But we talk several times a week, text, and dog each other on FB. Yeah, there have been quite a few talks that were given to repetitiveness on some subjects. But the most recent one was really good, except that dad interrupted it to have her go pick up sandwiches for dinner (she just got her 1st car so she has been made the go-fer).

I find we have the best talks when she's away from Lie and Trampasaurus, think she feels freer to say what's on her mind.

I try to keep the talk focused on her, what she's doing, work, etc and stay away from known bad topics. She even called one night after work (left stranded at night with no ride by dad) and ended up having me calm her during her "freak out".

So I'd say just keep doing what you're doing, the routine of the calls is reassuring to her, she knows who will be there (esp on the phn) for her.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

I think you are doing just fine! Remember that she might not really care at the age she is; she just wants to hear your voice. This has been my experience with my own younger kids-one who is also nine. My STBX calls them almost every night, and even though the conversations are also a bit repetitive, I feel they just want the security of Dad's voice no matter what they talk about.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Find out what tv shows, books and music she likes. Then, study up on them. Ask her about them. In other words, go live in her world for a while. I can tell my children appreciate me knowing all of their shows and video games and am willing to talk about them and play with them.

Ask her about her classmates and friends. What is her favorite subject? Tell her stories about you when you were a child. My 4 year old frequently asks me to tell her a funny story. I know that means some crazy story from my childhood.

Give her a tip in the morning and then follow up on it in the evening..Tip - ask your teacher if you could help clean up the classroom. Then ask her if she did so. Then you can tie a lesson onto it. Like the importance of offering help to others without them asking.

Read her a short story or poem. 

My children aren't big with phone, so it is hard. Maybe if you could do skype or something.


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

My stbxwh calls my 12yr old son every night and every morning. The conversations are typically the same especially in morning but I know my son loves to hear his dads voice. Sometimes at bedtime if he hasn't gotten the call yet he calls his dad instead. He doesn't care what they talk about he justs wants to hear his voice before he goes to sleep. You are doing great, try not to worry.


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## dazed/confused (Jan 18, 2012)

thanks to everybody for the ideas and the support. It's good to know I'm not completely screwing up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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