# Cell Phones: Calls and Text Messaging



## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

I just wanted others input on cell phone calls and text messaging. How I found out about my wifes EA was because of a phone bill. How many calls (in minutes) and text messages would you consider to be excessive? What would you recommend to do if a spouse has a problem with texting people beyond what you feel is excessive? :scratchhead:


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

My wife has guy friends, nothing wrong with that. She has ZERO reason to text these guys friends to chat. Sending emails to keep in touch... nothing wrong with that. Chatting through IM on FB everyonce in a while... nothing wrong with that. I don't see the reason why you need to be next to me on a couch, texting some guy. So to me, if its a current friend, more than 1 call a week = excessive. More than 1 text a week = excessive. I have plenty of gal pals, and i text NONE of them on my phone unless we have plans with their family together that day. The rest of my gal pals, i have no reason to text or call them on the average day. I'm in my late 30's and alot of these women are married, so what am i going to say to them outta the blue, "How's everything going?" You save that for an email.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

My wife is having an EA. This is what I call excessive.

3 to 4 calls in a week, 40 to 75 minutes each call, with one being 89 minutes.

This is what I am going through right now.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

My boyfriend and I can talk for 2-3 hours at once, sometimes 2-3 times a day. We have tons to talk about though, since we're planning a future together. So, if he was talking to someone else that much, that would seem to be too much to me. We actually share a phone plan, so I am able to see all of his (and my) calls (and he can see mine; we both have access). Generally, when he talks to a friend, it's maybe 15-30 minutes, at most 1-2 times a week, and usually less than that. That seems about right to me. Same for me, except I usually don't call my male friends more than once a month, if that. 

Do you know who she's talking to, and texting, though? I text and call my female friends, too, and we can sometimes have long conversations. Be sure you know who it is before you accuse her of anything - if you're wrong about who it is, that's going to damage any repairs you guys have managed to make to the marriage.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

In October of 2010 I found out that my wife had been texting and calling this "friend" of ours that we had only really known since July of 2010. I had found out about it because I went to pay the cell phone bill and noticed that we had used 1300 minutes that month and our plan only has 700 which was never a problem because we usually only use about 350 a month. I looked over the bill to see how AT&T messed up, only to find out that they didn't. My wife and this "friend" had texted each other 5600+ times and talked around 1200 minutes in a 6 week period. She was also texting 2 other guys during the same time frame, and each of them she was texting around 1200-1400 times, 1 of them was our roommate and the other was a co-worker.

She stopped talking to them all completely, but I sometimes still feel like its still going on or something. Her cell phone is like an appendage. She still won't even walk out of a room without it. She knows that it annoys me when she texts around me so it feels like sometimes she gets up just to go "use the bathroom" but really shes texting people or something.

I noticed about 2 weeks ago that my wife has a lock on her phone and I questioned her about it cuz she was going to check a text she received and thats when I noticed the lock screen and I said to her "you really put a lock on your phone?" to which she replied (she has a blackberry by the way) "one of the buttons is broken to unlock it the normal way so I had to put this lock on it". I've never once looked at her messages in her phone to see what she is saying.

After everything I have been through I'm just trying to figure out what I should do to prevent this from happening again. I've worked really hard on the problems I had so that I don't make the same mistake twice. I'm paying a lot more attention to my wife and spending a lot more time with her, but even then sometimes she just sits there and texts people during dinner or a conversation or something and it really bothers me.

Any suggestions on what I should do? I tried explainning to her that it bothers me, I've even gone as far to say that I feel like she is addicted to her phone like I was to video games. Her texting has gotten a little better, but she still texts a lot, and I know most of the time shes just texting one of her girl friends but I don't always know for sure. I've looked at the message logs on the internet and sometimes I don't know some of the numbers and if I talk to her about it she just gets pissed off.

I never used to have any problems with her texting her guy friends, or any friend for that matter, but after that whole incident it bothers me a lot.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

I'm probably just freaking out because of the past. Her texting has calmed down a lot. Does this feeling eventually go away over time?


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> My boyfriend and I can talk for 2-3 hours at once, sometimes 2-3 times a day. We have tons to talk about though, since we're planning a future together. So, if he was talking to someone else that much, that would seem to be too much to me. We actually share a phone plan, so I am able to see all of his (and my) calls (and he can see mine; we both have access). Generally, when he talks to a friend, it's maybe 15-30 minutes, at most 1-2 times a week, and usually less than that. That seems about right to me. Same for me, except I usually don't call my male friends more than once a month, if that.
> 
> Do you know who she's talking to, and texting, though? I text and call my female friends, too, and we can sometimes have long conversations. Be sure you know who it is before you accuse her of anything - if you're wrong about who it is, that's going to damage any repairs you guys have managed to make to the marriage.


I agree with you on this. Knowing who and what is half the battle though. If the OP has seen a change in usage and behaviors in his wife, then he has a good reason to suspect that something is up. I like to look at things as "hope for the best, but plan for the worse".



Forsaken said:


> I'm probably just freaking out because of the past. Her texting has calmed down a lot. Does this feeling eventually go away over time?


The feeling smoothes out after time, but it doesn't go away. The anxiety simmers down, but it too will never completely go away once it has been established. Does she offer any reasonable explanations as to why she texts who she does like she does? Having a lock on her phone is, to me, a red flag.

I have a shared plan with my wife through AllTel, which will be transitioning to AT&T within the month. I can go online and see the details of the calls for both phones, plus I can enable or disable texting on both phones. I haven't looked for the details for texts because we agreed to not to have the texting option.

Maybe by having the detailed reports on you will help you with this situation, and how you wish to approach her about the usage.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

we are alltel too, and I am currently in a tizzy about whether he memorized or wrote down her number and texting her and deleting them, as since you evidently need a friggin court order to get a super detailed list. How annoying lol.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

I had something happen yesterday that blew me out of the water! I talked to the Bishop at our Church and I told him about my wife's excessive calls to her "other man" and running up my cell phone bill. I received a call from the Alltel main office. They told me that my wife dropped off her phone and I was to stop by to pick it up. This floored me, for this phone was attached to her body as though it was glued on. Of course all information was cleared out of it, which I didn't care anyway. I am still puzzled as to why she let it go.....


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Maybe she is gonna get a separate plan somewhere else so you have no access to the information.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

paramore said:


> Maybe she is gonna get a separate plan somewhere else so you have no access to the information.


That was the thought that was sitting at the back of my mind.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I am so sorry remmons.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

paramore said:


> I am so sorry remmons.


Me too! I have learned to let go and to move on. Maybe someday she will wake up from her dream world?

Anyway, we've ventured away from the OP. I haven't heard any updates from Forsaken. I wonder how they're doing?


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