# Does your SO know you come here



## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

Just a simple question. Does your spouse know that you're spilling your guts about your private life on a public forum.


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

Yep.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yup.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

She knows I read/post here but I don't think she knows what I post. I've tried to get her to read some but no interest, it isn't FaceBook after all...


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

I don't know if she does.

I don't care if she does.

There is nothing I've said here, that I wouldn't say anywhere. (In appropriate context, of course.)


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Yep, and I had her read my first post here (where I laid out how things are in my marriage).


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## rks1 (Jan 27, 2012)

In my case, no - I haven't told my husband that I post here. I write very openly here about my frustrations in my marriage as well as sexual issues we've faced, and I think my husband would be upset thinking that I'm being biased by only presenting my side. I think it would also bother him knowing that people responding to me might be making critical remarks towards him. At least these are my thoughts, knowing what I know about him. I haven't mentioned any of this to him about my posting on such forums, as I don't want him searching the internet to find stuff I've posted.

Anyways, this is how it stands at the present time. That might change. Right now my marriage is very new and my husband and I are trying to create a foundation. That is a big part of why I come here so often in the first place, to learn as much as I can about relationships so that he and I can be stronger together. I also come on here to learn from other's mistakes so I don't repeat the same in my marriage. My husband was my first boyfriend (although I've had previous dating experiences with other men). So I don't want to make classic relationship mistakes and screw up my marriage due to a lack of relationship experience. Also, by venting my frustrations here, it helps me to be able to process my thoughts so that I can verbalize myself better and stay more balanced when I confront him about things... which is ultimately good for both of us. So my intentions are good.

But if I knew my husband was reading all this, I probably would censor what I write a whole lot more... to make sure I don't express frustration in any way that might offend him.

In the future though after we've been married longer and I'm not so afraid of how he might take things the wrong way, I hope to be able to show him posts here and get his perspective on different topics.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Yes she likes that I am interested in learning how to have a better marriage


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

I wouldn't lie about it if asked. This is for now, my place to go. My wife is not into support groups, especially forums like this. She would be embarrassed to have the dirty laundry out there even if no one else would know who it was. 

Finding this place kept me from doing something really stupid or making things worse. It gave me hope even when I thought there was none to be found. I have said things here that would be misunderstood out of context and would be hurtful to read. I'd rather avoid having to rehash or defend what was an honest attempt to save the relationship, even if it didn't appear to be when I first joined. If that makes me slightly dishonest, so be it.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

There needs to be a 3rd option...

"My SO knows I come to a relationship forum, but not the name of it."


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

phantomfan said:


> Just a simple question. Does your spouse know that you're spilling your guts about your private life on a public forum.


Nope and she never will.. It would be turned around on me as trying to cheat or I would be call a perv.


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## rks1 (Jan 27, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> Yes she likes that I am interested in learning how to have a better marriage


It makes me happy as well when my husband tells me that he has gone online to read some articles about marriage and relationships. I also feel like he is showing that he cares about our marriage. 

Nonetheless, I am not aware if my husband is posting in any forums. I don't think he is. On one hand, if the tables were turned, I'd be happy that he is making effort to smooth things out in our marriage, and I'd be glad for him to have some anonymous outlet to process things with others (rather than talking to family members about our issues, which I do not want, as it can come back later to cause problems). So if it were me in his position, I would probably also agree that it could be a good thing for the marriage, but also I'd probably have the same discomfort knowing that online strangers might be criticizing my behavior (or telling him to go find someone better than me) based on things he might post. This is just a theoretic view from my side, if I imagine the shoe being on the other foot, with him being the one posting about our marriage.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Yep,we both post on Tams
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

rks1 said:


> In my case, no - I haven't told my husband that I post here. I write very openly here about my frustrations in my marriage as well as sexual issues we've faced, and I think my husband would be upset thinking that I'm being biased by only presenting my side. I think it would also bother him knowing that people responding to me might be making critical remarks towards him. At least these are my thoughts, knowing what I know about him. I haven't mentioned any of this to him about my posting on such forums, as I don't want him searching the internet to find stuff I've posted.
> 
> Anyways, this is how it stands at the present time. That might change. Right now my marriage is very new and my husband and I are trying to create a foundation. That is a big part of why I come here so often in the first place, to learn as much as I can about relationships so that he and I can be stronger together. I also come on here to learn from other's mistakes so I don't repeat the same in my marriage. My husband was my first boyfriend (although I've had previous dating experiences with other men). So I don't want to make classic relationship mistakes and screw up my marriage due to a lack of relationship experience. Also, by venting my frustrations here, it helps me to be able to process my thoughts so that I can verbalize myself better and stay more balanced when I confront him about things... which is ultimately good for both of us. So my intentions are good.
> 
> ...


Exactly my point. If my wife read everything, she'd think I was one sided, would take things wrong, etc. I've got enough years under the belt in marriage that I should know better. 

You can have a good foundation for a great marriage and have life erode it unintentionally. I still don't have the answers. I've leaned a lot coming here though. Relationships are a constantly moving target. Some of the "advice" came straight out of left field, some was what I needed to hear.

When you go to a therapist, you're giving your side too. Its no different here as far as that goes. Some of the therapists I've seen gave some great advice. Some was way out of line in left field. I claim therapist-client privilege.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

I said no because he doesn't know... yet. I've been a member for a whopping 2 days or something like that, maybe 3? It just hasn't come up in small talk. We are in a long-distance relationship for the next month until I get to move in with him so we haven't had a lot of time to talk.

Sometime when I remember I will tell him and he will be entertained but mostly uninterested as long as I am not giving identity-revealing info.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

He knows but he doesn't know my user name nor do I want him reading what I post.

This is MY outlet and for the moment he's thrilled because he's the one reaping the benefits of me learning how to be a better wife.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

mine does but English isn't a strong language for him so he rarely reads English sites unless it's really important. I'm a member of quite a few forums and he knows about all of them.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

No, there are some pretty fundamental issues I need to consider about the future of my marriage before I can begin to care what she thinks about my posting here.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

Stbx knew I was on here before I even got a user name for myself and started to post..... loooooooooong time ago. Even then he would roll his eyes and say in a snarky voice "oh, you're on THAT forum AGAIN". I kinda felt like it was worthless even coming on here to look for any sort of advice (as vicarious as it was).


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I went to a counsellor by myself, and she recommended this site to me, among a few others that are out there. This is the only one I've ever posted on.

My H knows because he keylogged the computer. But he hates reading so there is no chance of him bothering to attempt to learn anything. 99% of things I discuss here are a rehash of what I've already said to him. 

As crooked as it sounds, I needed the confirmation that his actions were unacceptable. He thinks it's okay.


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## Silly Husband (Aug 30, 2010)

She knows i'm here but she will never appreciate how much this place has helped our marriage.


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## isla~mama (Feb 1, 2012)

Nope. But I'm more worried about my son potentially reading all the embarrassing and TMI things I've posted here.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Yep. She reads most of my posts, and many of the more epic threads here, but doesn't post herself (yet).

We often use something found here as a the launch pad for discussions about our own relationship.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

I'm not ashamed to say NOPE and as of right now I'll never volunteer that information. He'll be horribly offended and think I don't have faith in our marriage for me to be on an online forum seeking advice from people I don't know. He's not into the support group/discussion forum thing...in fact he rarely gets on the computer so he won't understand. I'll probably get judged for it. But if he asks and considers joining one himself I'll tell him and go as far as bringing him here.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yep.


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

No.

My wife hates MC and almost has to dragged there. She refuses to tell her family members we go and regards it as a waste of time and money. I think she only goes to please me but she is so closed during sessions it borders on rudeness. I hide this site from W because I fear this attitude might apply.

If W knew I posted here she might get very angry, or just bottle the anger and treat me mean in other ways. The only saving grace is this site has people of many nations and is not too localized. She would regard the sex talk as perverted and not see that I am trying to understand about the physical, mental and emotional sides of sexual intercourse.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Told him but can't change my vote.  As expected, he didn't really care.


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

No she doesn't. 
If she did it wouldnt bother her because as far as she is concerned everything is absolutely fine.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I don't know. For one thing, I can talk about my personal life due to being anonymous to everyone. I've shown one woman(SA) in pm photo's of me and my husband. I do not post photos in public.

I do not hide anything from my husband. He has access to my iPod touch where I post whenever he wants to look. I also do not say anything negative about him either. He deserves to be respected that way. He's an awesome hubby!


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## bill2011 (Feb 5, 2011)

My wife knows I'm on here and can't stand it, I've communicated to her several times to come on here too as I found it useful. She has no interest, won't do any counseling either as there is nothing wrong with her - LOL.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I'm not sure my wife knows I'm at home.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

yes my husband knows i am on, he found this site, signed himself up first.

i asked him to sign me up too. i lurked for a couple of months. he picked my name, my pic, did all the art on my page.

i am not at all tech savy. my husband still posts, and we read tam all the time when we can piggy back off some stores wi-fi, and it has lead to some interesting talks.


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## Pinkheels (Mar 28, 2012)

Yes. My husband suggested I come here to get advise on things and to talk with others.


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