# feel stuck in an incompatible relationship



## Janani (Sep 4, 2011)

Everything I need to say is just too much. I dont even know where to begin. I've been married just over five years, I'm 21 yrs old. Looking back on everything I see so many things I ignored and so many opportunities to get out of the situation, but I stuck to my pattern of convincing myself I was the one in the wrong. I feel soo damn stupid for repeating the same stupid mistakes. I have finally learned what I have been doing all these years and it's too late to do anything about it now. I have two children. I was separated and almost divorced but backed out because of the uncertainty of what could befall my children. My choices are to possibly subject them to god knows what because of visitation that I would have limited control over, or accept and endure a miserable painful existence in the belief that I will be better able to keep them safe. I went through this same scenario in the relationship prior to my marriage. I was 13..and I didnt have children to consider at the time, I was just pathetic and weak and made a choice to give up because I was afraid. I completely wasted an amazing chance to live a different life when my parents got divorced and I was taken out of state and luckily not hunted down. Well, I guess I didnt learn and didnt deserve the chance..and I'm obviously a flashing beacon to guys who feel the need to seduce, decieve, dominate, hurt, and degrade. I STILL go through periods of denial and my mind is trying to tell me I'm wrong at this very moment. Maybe I am, what do I know? I know I am not compatible sexually, or in many other ways, actually, with my husband. I have been through abuse and he knew that, and so proceeded to believe it was ok for him to start adapting some similar types of behavior? I mean it's definetely not the same..last time I was pretty much confined to a room, had to pee in a pitcher, no showers, endured extremely painful attempts by 'him' to impregnate me, and was graphically threatened with the death of my family if I wanted to leave. My marriage is not like that. I suppose the severity of that situation might be what's making me tell myself that this isn't so bad, it's certainly a quite a few step ups anyway.... I'm sure I'm getting confusing..sorry.
I just dont understand...is it me? Have I turned someone, otherwise a decent person at heart, into somewhat of a monster? I cant help but wonder why/ or if, I was intentionally built up by someone who I thought cared about me genuinely just so they could tear me back down, wtf? I was in such a vulnerable state when we met, I should have realized it was no place to find love, and that anyone seeming to want it only wanted a twisted version. But I didn't know these things back then..I was 15..and going through post traumatic stress. Basically I'm making excuses for being stupid. Anyway, I'm really just on here because I have no one to talk to and no where to vent about feeling trapped in a situation I put myself in. And after being up all night trying to look into why this is happening, this seemed like an okay place to do it.


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## Rosie123 (Sep 5, 2011)

I got very sad reading your post. Your background in abuse has made you feel you aren't worth respect and love. You seem to have accepted a bad relationship just because it's not as bad as the one before. I very strongly urge you to get professional counseling.

You got married, started a family, and have been expected to be the grown up during an age where you should have been growing up yourself. How can you expect to grow and learn and become independent when you have a husband and children to worry about? I speak on that from experience, I am just lucky to have a husband who works as hard as I do to make our life the best it can be.

But due to the abuse in the past, you need someone who can help you work through that and who can teach you what a healthy relationship should look like.


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