# He Won't Leave - Can't File



## TiredInVA (Dec 3, 2012)

In Virginia, you cannot file for divorce until after you have been legally separated for a period of time. So, the clock doesn't start until you are living apart.

I have been married for 27 years and have no minor children. We rent our house at a *much* lower rate than most houses in this area. My husband is an alcoholic. He has not worked for over 16 years. It started with a problem with his feet - that many people deal with and doesn't stop them. Then add in an addiction to the pain pills mixed with the alcoholism. 

There is an excuse for everything - especially not working. So, regardless of my wishes, he has not contributed to the household financially for more than half the marriage. Additionally, he does little at the house for upkeep, etc. So, I end up working 70-80 hours a week and do all the cooking, cleaning, etc. (I may as well be single).

I had enough years ago. I want a divorce and he knows it. He won't leave though. He tells me to just be patient until he gets on his feet (or that he will take everything anyway and I will have to pay him for the rest of my life). Problem is that Virginia doesn't start the 6 month clock until you are separated. I don't want to loose the low rent we have. Especially, since he has no means to pay it and it would be lost to all. But, I fear that I will have to move out in order to break free from this endless loop.

I also fear the aftermath. I make a decent living - not great - but pretty good. I have not agreed to his "vacation" or lack of household assistance. Plus, living with an addict of any kind is not fun. I feel like the mother of a 3 year old much of the time. Not to forget the fact that he ran the credit cards up buying his alcohol (many thousands of dollars) before I finally cut them all up. So, am I then now going to have to pay him spousal support and pay more for rent - just to get out of this?


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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

Get some legal advice, but why not throw him out? Have you seen the movie "Everything Must Go.?
With an alcoholic, you can't help them. They refuse to face reality. You must come up with a plan to get rid of him. Of course, it will be hard but be tough. He will survive.


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