# Am I an Ahole for asking my friend to have sex with my wife?



## Jiki145 (7 mo ago)

(Wife F39) (Me M30)
My wife and I have been having problems in our marriage for a few years. Marriage is going on 7 years. Anything I say or do she gets annoyed with me at this point. For example, if I try to flirt with or tease her, she has a disgusted look on her face with some disdain. As well as, anything I spend money on she always has a problem with, wether it's a necessity for the house, an exterminator, project, or the only hobby I picked up to "help" save money, ( power wheels cars for my kids or my 1 RC car that I like working on). 
I make decent money. Not rich, but have a good nest egg. She also refuses to use our insurance for herself to see a doctor for not only basic medic check, but also any serious issues that could be affecting her health like PPD from our first kid or even a dentist visit. I am also told I'm wrong, no matter what, as if she's doesn't understand very basic logic with some things. Such as when half dead hornets were getting in my daughter's room last September and I wanted to immediately call an exterminator and have them figure out where the hell they were coming from because I couldn't and she told me no that would cost to much money and if my daughter gets stung she gets stung and we will deal with it if it happens. With that, I am always the one who apologizes after arguments. 
I felt like I was literally, mentaly & physically losing my mind. So I go see a psychologist, not knowing what else to do. The psychologist asked to bring her in as well after the first session. So to try and sum up a little more, she has rarely compromised on anything, and when she does she shortly goes back on it or denies it all together. The most recent compromise was after we started going to couples counseling at the start of April. Also note, she, at this point, refused to go until I started talking about divorcing her and after the first couples counseling meeting she compromised. So I wanted her to come down to Kentucky for one of my best friends weddings and she didn't want to go, nor supported me at all to go, because it cost money. Aside from the lack of just supporting me in one decision or goal. I've supported her through all her business endeavors (4 out of 4 have failed so far) and whatever she wanted to try and do to be happy I've supported her and always asked if she needed me to do anything without critizing her or letting her know I thought it was stupid which I didn't most of the time. 
So I offered a compromise that if she didn't want to go to Kentucky as a family, another good friend will come stay for a month and help with some projects I have going on and maybe she could vent to him about some problems we are having. She also doesn't have any real friend, she only has Facebook friends and is in groups that only support her point of view on anything and if 1 person disagrees she will either bully them until they leave or she gets kicked out or if she gets bored with it she will just leave the group.

What led up to the psychologist is we also have a blowout argument about every 6 months where she tells me what she wants and I tell her what I want out of the relationship. I do what she wants or at least try to for the next 6 months and she does what I want for, if I'm lucky, 2 weeks, hence the blowout arguments every 6 months after I start to feel like I'm not getting anything for trying. We do have sex but it's me that has to ask for it, because she never comes onto me, and she doesn't participate but just lets me have sex with her while she just lays there. 
My close friend has been here nearly a month now and I've suggested to him to check in with her to see if she's alright. So, as stressed as I have been about what do and going insane, I suggested to my friend a few times if he would ask my wife to have sex, with the mental state I'm in I thoguht that it may be what we needed to move forward or something. I thought maybe she would feel attractive or get her spirits up in some way or another. Maybe get her out of the funk she's been in for the past 6 years since our first daughter was born. Honestly, anything to try and make her happy and bring her back to when our relationship was happier. (Side note: I'm so mixed in feelings right now that I don't care much anymore about who she has sex with. It doesn't bother me either way, because I have all but given up on appeasing her and feel like I am grasping at straws at this point and I truly just want her to be happy). She's a decent mom, great in my opinion. Home schools the girls until I get home from work, around 3 pm or 4pm on a good day. I usually take my daughter's outside so she can have some relief from watching them. We stay out until around 8pm when they need to go get ready for bed. She rarely on occasion, if I ever can recall, will come outside and spend time with us. Also we never spend time together. If I want to go out and do something as a family, just her, me, and girls, she will try and invite her parents along everytime, which makes me not want to do it, yeah sometimes they can come but not every damn time, you know? If I want to go to a friend's house for a weekend she tells me that I don't care about my family and a lot of other things along those lines. She constantly tells me: I'm childish, I'm selfish, I only care about myself, I disrespect her, I degrade her, I'm narcissistic, I'm irresponsible, I'm a coward, etc. If I want to go on a nice date with her she always refuses and if I ask her to go to like Olive Garden and she accepts (rarely, maybe once a year) she won't dress nicely or put any makeup on ever, and if I ask her to because, I like it when she does, she throughs the whole "what, I'm not naturally good looking" crap my way.

So I finally convinced my friend to ask her. He has no real interest or attraction to her in anyway, not outside of casual sex. Well, he came around to ask her the other night with fairly respectable language through text, since she was acting closed off and rarely converses with anyone without necessity. He asked mainly because she continued to say everything is fine, though she has spoken to him briefly about our issues. He basically checked in, asked if she was alright, and if sex would be of interest to her. She called me and showed me shortly after he asked. I've told her prior, I didn't care if she did or did not have sex with other people. She said that she felt violated, uncomfortable, and has entirely been over reacting via texting. Basically what she says she feels on the inside doesn't show on the outside, just silence and self consumed. He even sent another message shortly after, apologizing for any weirdness or making her uncomfortable, and that was not his intent. Now he's someone I trust a great deal and very respectful. He wasn't comfortable with it in the first place. So he hasn't made any off-putting or weird advances, or said anything about it since. Nothing sexual or uncomfortable towards her. 
Now she is freaking out now via text over it instead of talking to me or him like an adult. I believe she is over reacting, just as she says does with every single thing I do. I have no idea how to help her or bring her back to reality or to be happy anymore and I am hoping couples therapy helps.

Am I the asshole here?


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Yes.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Jiki145 said:


> (Wife F39) (Me M30)
> My wife and I have been having problems in our marriage for a few years. Marriage is going on 7 years. Anything I say or do she gets annoyed with me at this point. For example, if I try to flirt with or tease her, she has a disgusted look on her face with some disdain. As well as, anything I spend money on she always has a problem with, wether it's a necessity for the house, an exterminator, project, or the only hobby I picked up to "help" save money, ( power wheels cars for my kids or my 1 RC car that I like working on).
> I make decent money. Not rich, but have a good nest egg. She also refuses to use our insurance for herself to see a doctor for not only basic medic check, but also any serious issues that could be affecting her health like PPD from our first kid or even a dentist visit. I am also told I'm wrong, no matter what, as if she's doesn't understand very basic logic with some things. Such as when half dead hornets were getting in my daughter's room last September and I wanted to immediately call an exterminator and have them figure out where the hell they were coming from because I couldn't and she told me no that would cost to much money and if my daughter gets stung she gets stung and we will deal with it if it happens. With that, I am always the one who apologizes after arguments.
> I felt like I was literally, mentaly & physically losing my mind. So I go see a psychologist, not knowing what else to do. The psychologist asked to bring her in as well after the first session. So to try and sum up a little more, she has rarely compromised on anything, and when she does she shortly goes back on it or denies it all together. The most recent compromise was after we started going to couples counseling at the start of April. Also note, she, at this point, refused to go until I started talking about divorcing her and after the first couples counseling meeting she compromised. So I wanted her to come down to Kentucky for one of my best friends weddings and she didn't want to go, nor supported me at all to go, because it cost money. Aside from the lack of just supporting me in one decision or goal. I've supported her through all her business endeavors (4 out of 4 have failed so far) and whatever she wanted to try and do to be happy I've supported her and always asked if she needed me to do anything without critizing her or letting her know I thought it was stupid which I didn't most of the time.
> ...


So you try to pimp your wife to your buddy and you wonder if you’re the asshole?
You left asshole in the rear view mirror a long time ago.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

And this is going to solve what?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You’re a pyscho


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Just going to sit back for this one.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

If this is not the definition of insantiy i don't what is...you continue to try the same approach to convince to open up and you get show down. Now your approaches have seriously stepped over the line...Stop it, it's time to stop trying to change her mind, she has decided for unknown reasons to be unreasonable...stop living for her and start to live for yourself, stop asking for presmission to do anything and start doing them......and that may mean to start with filing for divorce and tell her you are done with her....done with her behavior...and yes you seriously screwed up.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Yes your the asshole.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I wouldn't say you are an a-hole....I would say you are a MORON.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I love these threads!!! They come about once a week! BTW you ARE the ahole


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Just going to sit back for this one.


Awww, come on! I was so looking forward to your response!!!


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Well, as long as you're not exchanging the use of her body for obtaining illicit drugs from your 'friend', I guess you can do what you want. I hope you and your buddy don't try to make it all out to be a joke now that the proposition has been a failure with her. NOT FUNNY, nor is it respectful!

If this action was really what you wanted for your wife, you should have discussed it with her before ever running it by your friend. She would have been given the opportunity to think about it and give you the answer she wanted without feeling disrespected by both you and your friend.

As for your marriage problems, I think you have made it clear to your wife that she is no longer valued by you. It's time she puts an end to it by filing for divorce immediately after you tried to pimp her out.

I have more to say, but it's not worth being banned from TAM!


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Always Learning said:



Awww, come on! I was so looking forward to your response!!!

Click to expand...

*I'm sorry. 😉 

I only post a popcorn gif when I think our collective legs are being pulled. But you get in trouble for saying that, so I let my popcorn do it instead. 😁


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm sorry. 😉
> 
> I only post a popcorn gif when I think our collective legs are being pulled. But you get in trouble for saying that, so I let my popcorn do it instead. 😁


Yep. STDD.


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