# I'm an idiot. Lol.



## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

First of all, I want to apologize to all of you who were offering me help. This HAS been a major roller-coaster. It probably will be for awhile. 

I'm not moving back home. I'm staying in Canada. I need to do this, for myself. In a span of nearly three weeks I completely undid anything I wanted to fix. I can't do it anymore. The only change so far, has been my drinking, which is still completely nonexistent. 

I started gaining weight. I started losing the will for life. I don't know if I crashed, or what.

This "friends" thing really is starting to bother the piss out of me right now. I was warned numerous times that I'm dealing with a teenager who's intent on rebelling, and to let her have her fun, when she grows up she just might realize that it's not all rosy. Oh well.

Today, I spoke to my landlord and apologized for my constant flip-flopping. He understood why I was. He also offered me a new apartment in the same building. It's two hundred dollars less, though it's a bachelor instead of a two-level loft, which is fine. I think I REALLY needed this change in scenery. 

My neighbour asked me what I had changed and what she had. And that's when it dawned on me.

I was forced to become responsible. She hasn't. Probably won't. 

I was also told to STOP shouldering blame for the marriage failing, which is exactly what is happening. Once again, I went back into "Nice Guy" mode. Going to have to re-read that book AGAIN. Ugh.

I'm keeping the cats. The arrangement remains. As long as she contributes to their upkeep, I have no problems with her visiting. But I will make myself scarce. Change of address is in order tomorrow. Utilities have been switched to a new account to prepare for the new place. This is it. There's no turning back.

Do I think our marriage is completely broken? No. Do I think there are some problems that can be repaired? Yes. 

Time for her to see what "being single" is all about. As for myself, it's time to go into overdrive. I spent a good portion of my day today moving things (MYSELF) into my new place to find where they can fit. Tomorrow, I snag a job after making a bank deposit before my counseling. 

I want my doormat days behind me. If, one day, she feels that she wants me to be a part of her future, the onus is on her to prove it. 

I just took my control back. And damn if it doesn't feel good.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Looks like you got your stuff together.. good for you.

I wish I was as far along as you.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

SkyHigh said:


> First of all, I want to apologize to all of you who were offering me help. This HAS been a major roller-coaster. It probably will be for awhile.
> 
> I'm not moving back home. I'm staying in Canada. I need to do this, for myself. In a span of nearly three weeks I completely undid anything I wanted to fix. I can't do it anymore. The only change so far, has been my drinking, which is still completely nonexistent.
> 
> ...


I'm glad you are feeling better.

This just sounds a bit too much like Plan B for my tastes.

But, I'll never deny anyone their chance to be right.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

I don't know if I was plan "anything", to be honest. 

But enough is enough. 

I also just had an altercation with a neighbour of mine. He continued to egg me on and berate me until I had enough and stood nose to nose. Even called him out on a couple of things that he's done that's pissed EVERYBODY off. The response?

"What does that have to do with ANYTHING?!".

Yeah. Has nothing to do with anything, alright. Because it's better to just turn around and blast your music until all hours of the night. Or smoke so much pot that the entire hallway(and then my apartment) REEKS of it. 

I couldn't believe what I said next. 

"I'm tired of listening to this s***. I'm not your doormat or ANYBODY else's."

MULTIPLE people have asked him to stop. What did they get back?

"I'm a f****** adult, and if I want to listen to music, I'll listen to it as loud as I want".

Ha.


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## Darrien (Mar 22, 2012)

SkyHigh,

This must be one of the most positive posts here since Bandit!


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Good stuff.

Time to go dark on the wife. Completely.

Start socializing. Go out and talk to girls. Everyday. No exception. No hesitation. Let others convince you that you are indeed an adult and have a very particular social worth which can actually be felt and measured inside your brain. You will know your social worth after a few weeks of doing this.

By then, your wife will lose her royalty status in your life. You will be the king of your castle forever (It's like riding a bike. You don't forget it).

Your new life is in your own evaluation of your social worth. Find it.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

The neighbour I had an altercation with earlier today saw me in passing. Within a few feet of each other, he said, "For what it's worth, I'm proud of the fact that you stood up for yourself."

I hope that this is the first of many.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

I also have taken stock of some of the aspects of our marriage where I DID stand up to her and the point where I stopped....

Moments I wasn't a doormat....

- When I put a stop to her constant running back to her parents
- When I didn't want to go to a certain place(I was coming down with the flu and she REALLY wanted us to go to the mall)
- When I spent two hours cleaning the apartment while she sat on her laptop before finally looking up and asking me if I needed help. I proceeded to say "No", and then walked to the kitchen, gave her a glass of water, and told her to enjoy the complimentary drink, it comes free with the maid service.
- When she stormed out of the apartment in a huff(it was over something trivial) and I sat right where I was and lay back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. When she came back, she said that that was the point *where I should have followed her.* I just shook my head.
- When we needed a car(ours was seriously falling apart), she was looking at cars that were CLEARLY not ideal(not to mention 400$). I pointed out a car that I found, that was in better shape. When she acted like a little kid over it, I said "either we look at this one, or we keep the clunker".
- *ON THE SUBJECT OF CHILDREN* .....when she said she wouldn't vaccinate our kids if we had any, and I told her it was ludicrous. She gave me her reasons(this new bandwagon of anti-vaccination) and I told her it was the most irresponsible and negligent thing that I have ever heard of. I continued to stand my ground on it.
- Regarding our finances, we had an agreement that anything over X amount needed a heads-up, first, either a text or a call. That lasted all of two days before she spent nearly 90 dollars. Needless to say, I wasn't happy. 
- During a silent treatment that I got which wasn't even my fault(I actually told her two words, "grow up"), I decided to play it back so that she could see how horrible it felt. I resolved myself to do it for seven days. She lasted three. 

When I STARTED being a doormat...

- subverted my faith because she hated the denomination
- Felt myself melt every time she started crying
- come home from work to cook, clean, and crash
- constantly felt the need to please her if I got a guilt trip
- continued to endure physical pain from a recurring knee injury and worked 10 hour days while she did nothing all summer

And lately....the non-doormat days are coming back.

- Standing up to my neighbour
- Standing up to her regarding this situation
- My warning regarding the visits to the cats and the fact that she will not have keys to my apartment
- Informing her of my change of address(since she is still using this one for financial aid)

I know that separations aren't a game. Without the control, I don't know what she'll do. But then again....it's not my problem. :smthumbup:


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

SkyHigh said:


> First of all, I want to apologize to all of you who were offering me help. This HAS been a major roller-coaster. It probably will be for awhile.
> 
> I'm not moving back home. I'm staying in Canada. I need to do this, for myself. In a span of nearly three weeks I completely undid anything I wanted to fix. I can't do it anymore. The only change so far, has been my drinking, which is still completely nonexistent.
> 
> ...


me too!!!!! and it felt damn good


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

SkyHigh said:


> I also have taken stock of some of the aspects of our marriage where I DID stand up to her and the point where I stopped....
> 
> Moments I wasn't a doormat....
> 
> ...


As I say to my students when they outdo themselves, give yourself a pat on the back! You're doing great!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

Was reflecting a bit on the things she said while I was slowly falling asleep. 

Things like how she realizes how good I was to her. That she now sees the effort I was putting in. How crappy I was being treated. I don't want to say too little too late, because it's only been six weeks. I guess when I find my own self-worth again, I'll be able to find where my true feelings lie. Co-dependency or unconditional love. I guess she'll have to do the same. 

Personally, I find that divorce is not an option. While my see-sawing has been incredibly difficult for myself to deal with(and others), marriage is about the good and the bad. She's the one who gave up and is now blaming my alcoholism instead of looking for further root causes, and while I can validate her feelings, I won't validate her decision. Time to stick to my guns.


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