# let me try this again!



## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

ok i posted something before but got mixed results .some helpfull and some just rude ! so im gonna try again!

here it its my new wife had been using facebook late at night and staying up really late(she was goin to bed at 2 and 3 in the am) and )i thought it was weird because she never did it before , and my new job requires met to sleep early because i work at 5 am. so to cut it short found out one night she had a sexual conversation with her old flame from back in the day. well i was hurt and wanted to know wat was said but when she told me stuff didn't add up, she said it was nothing and he ended up sending her a naked pic of himself.couple of weeks go by and we argue about wat was said each time i asked her more and more came out. so i sat her down and and threatened to leave with my son and she told me what was said, like how he talked about how he liked her boobs wish he had her and explained how large he was and how he would like to do her and she explained how she would like that and she went into detail on how she would want him to do her(but she was shady with the details). but then she said he asked her to skype,( now on face book you can do it no problem)she said she thought about it but said no because it was to hard to do.

My problem is she knows alot about face book but she claims she didn't know how to do it even tho all you have to do is click a button. im having trouble believing she didnt skype with him and i can tell she thinks im going to freak out if i find out something different because she has lied so much. i also have a problem believing she didn't send a pic back she said she got really into the convo and from wat she told me seems like she was going right along with it.

i really love her and i want to work it out but this thing keeps bothering me because she lied sooo much about it and tried to keep it a secret!

sorry i kinda rushed through it


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## Lonely720 (Sep 19, 2010)

WOW. I would be heartbroken too. 

Is she willing to deactivate her facebook page?


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

yes she has showed thats she is sorry by deleting all her male friends on there and she deleted it and staying away from it. i felt bad because her family in Mexico contact her on there soo i told her she can only be on it when im there and i changed the code for our laptop. i told her it make me feel better to know about the details that was said but when we talk about it she acts weird the and defensive when we get to the sex part and skype and the pics


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have the password for her facebook account?

If I were you, I'd put a keystroke monitor on the computer. That way you will know exactly what is going on.

Is she now going to bed at the same time you are now?

How is she with her cell? Does she keep it close? Is it password protected?


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Wow,even without Skype,the fact that they were so blatantly talking about doing one another is way over any of my personal boundaries.Has she been completely transparent since and do you have a way to verify NC? Is she remorseful and what prompted her to go down this path? Sorry you are here my friend,but I'd be digging a lot deeper so don't let her minimize in an attempt to rug sweep.Take care.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

i do have her password and i check it daily.and yes she seems really sorry> but like i said i really rather talk about wat the details were really why she did it. she said it was because she doesnt have her friends to hang out with anymore and i correct her when she says stuff wrong but i think thats total bull. but i want to have a civil convo about wat she said and how in depth she got but some how we always argue and i hate it. how is it im willing and ready to talk and work through this but she doesnt even want it mentioned. i love her so much and she says she loves me to but im no fool.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

thanks for your feed back tbt member really nice to hear wat others think about this and nice to hear im not the only one who thinks i should dig deeper. i mean if she loves me she should be able to tell me wat happend and now she all super nice to me wonder if its real or because she feels bad


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

and yes she sleeps early now with me


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The thing about this crap is its like an iceberg, there is more to it then we will ever know. 
The good thing is she is willing to work it out, the bad thing is your W doesn't know why she has these urges to behave this way and is not taking the steps to affair proof her marriage by understanding tese unhealthy behaviors.

I mean when we do stupid things we chuck them off to a mistake or a bad disicion, but the important question is why the lack of boundries and why the need to behave that way.

Sure its fine that she has this kind of need but this kind of need could be filled by her husband. She needs to be real with her self and fill the void she may have with her husband and not with some guy on a computor.

Again the point here is preventive maintence and affair proofing the marriage and to do that you need tools and not rug sweeping.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

supermad30 said:


> i do have her password and i check it daily.and yes she seems really sorry> but like i said i really rather talk about wat the details were really why she did it. she said it was because she doesnt have her friends to hang out with anymore and i correct her when she says stuff wrong but i think thats total bull.


Don't go in with that mentality. Listen to what she's telling you. Women need attention and validation, when that's missing, some resort to stuff like this to meet their needs. And stop with the correcting stuff also, if you have a friend who constantly corrected everything you say and do, you'd get rid of him quickly.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

So she sexted and possibly had online sex with another guy because he doesn't have her friends to hand around?That is not good explanation unless she talks dirty and has online sex with her friends.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Again she not being real, she copping out of the fact that she likes being a dirty girl and is afraid to be honest with her self and her husband. 
There is this repect for her self she feels she has to show her H, but deep down she has this need and tried filling that need with he X on the computor.

As shamful as it is, she could have made the choice to skype her H when he is at work and do these things....instead she hide this secret side of her self from her H and that, IMHO is dangerous and not affair proofing the marraige.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

i stopped the correcting even tho i thought itwas childish i mean i dont want my wife walking around sounding dumb because shes not.and the friends thing is still bull tho ive told her many time go hang with ur friend i will watch our son go have fun. but she says her friends dont respond i even tried intoducing her to my friends wives and girlfrind and tried to get them to hang but it just never caught on


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Oh boy, she's crossed a line and you better be wary on multiple accounts. This is enough of an early wake up call to 180 and focus on her needs but you still need to remain a challenge and focus on being attractive to her. If you repeatedly kiss her @$$ she won't respect you. 

You also need to be aware that her feelings for the ex will not automatically halt and be transfered to you. There is going to be a withdraw from that naughty feel good high she got from him. You may feel the need to compete for her attention by over exciting her but it is frivolous to overexert yourself. You can't actually give her any fantasy he way have promised, but neither can he. 

I believe Dr. Haley in His Needs: Her Needs covered this with the plan A and B. Right now you're in a good position to be attentive to her needs, though must not enable her to sweetly cross those boundaries again and continue to hurt you. It would hurt her more to lose you than to lose him. 

Also check out the book 'Women's Infidelities' I found it on thepiratebay. The whole book is a long discussion with a woman and a MC and it explains a lot of what goes on. Fair warning, it's going to p!ss you off. The woman in that book is just so ughhh childish.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

How far away does the ex boyfriend live?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Good job locking down the laptop.

Bad job being worried about if they skyped or not.

The thing to focus on here is that she cross the boundary in the first place. Faithful wive do not go where she did. No even one step across that line. 

The moment she started talking to the EX - was step one.
The moment he said something about her sexually - was step two.

each of these steps a faithful wife would have stopped.

Step three - she responds sexually back.
Step four - gets pics from him.
Step five - yeah, she sent something. Doesn't matter what. The problem is she did it.
Step six - she lied and downplayed it.

I think at this point you've both been dealing with her doing it, and getting her to stop. Ok, let's say you've done that. Now you need to step back and look at the unfaithful wife who chose to be sexual with an ex.

The claim it's because she doesn't have friends is of course BS and you know it. Having cyber sex talk with a ex, is a choice to unfaithful. Is she saying, she needs more friends or she is entitled and willing to be unfaithful? 

Is he local?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

You should try recovering skype logs. there are ways to do that


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

When exes reconnect on Facebook, they usually start out catching up on what's happened in their lives since they parted ways and end up at the point that they are very unhappy with their current spouses and should have married each other instead of their current spouses, then start making plans to meet each other, ditch their spouses, and live happily ever after. This takes less than a week.

Someone on this forum posted on a few other threads a funny but accurate summary of the progression of what happens when exes reconnect on Facebook, if anyone knows where it is, please repost it here.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Facebook + Old Flame = Loss of Marriage

(At least this was the formula in my case.)


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

its not her ex it just someone she wanted to date back in the day but never did. but i did forget to mention why think she did more she told me that he was about come to town (san diego) and he lives in new york . i wanna get advice from my brother and cousin but they know him and i dont want them judging my wife my.i know him a lil bit to went to the same school thats why i got a lil angry


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

You've made your boundaries known and unless you can recover the skype logs, you've probably got all the details you're going to get. 

You need to ramp up your sex rank. Don't discuss it with your wife, either. Start bodybuilding and eating right get your chest/waist ratio up to at least 1.4, or as close as you can get it. That would be a 42 chest with a 30 waist. 

Change your hairstyle and your clothes. Start socializing with friends where your wife can catch women checking you out. Your wife is losing her attraction for you, the fastest way to get it back is for her to learn that other women are attracted to you.

Check out this blog. It explains how to maintain long term relationship attraction.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

OP,
Did you answer Chapparal's question?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Skype History Viewer

SkypeHistoryViewer.com | Current Version 1.5

Skype Log Viewer

Skype Logs Reader/Viewer (.dbb and main.db files)


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Will_Kane said:


> When exes reconnect on Facebook, they usually start out catching up on what's happened in their lives since they parted ways and end up at the point that they are very unhappy with their current spouses and should have married each other instead of their current spouses, then start making plans to meet each other, ditch their spouses, and live happily ever after. This takes less than a week.
> 
> Someone on this forum posted on a few other threads a funny but accurate summary of the progression of what happens when exes reconnect on Facebook, if anyone knows where it is, please repost it here.


Indeed. Very accurate. My fWW pretty much followed the progression here.



F-102 said:


> It may have gone something like this:
> 
> They first start catching up, and it's all "How you been doing? What have you been up to?"
> 
> ...


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