# My attorney says I need to file right away



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

and it makes me so sad, the hope is gone, though why I really thought there was any at all, I don't know. 

Yesterday he told my 11 year old dd that he was sorry but it HAD to be this way, he couldn't be HAPPY if he stayed with mommy. And it was important for him to be HAPPY. What a jerk. 

He has no intention of coming back, or even trying to make this right... that is clear. And even if he changed his mind, how could I ever get past all he has done, even in the past couple weeks since he was discovered.

My attorney said even though we are technically a no fault state, since he is in the throws of the affair and living with her, we can probably manage to get an agreement of no alimony for him, and no child support for me... he gets visitation only, I get physical custody, no OW contact and I keep most of my own assets. She fears if I wait, and he waffles, then the 'affair' won't be considered the demise of the marriage and my position on alimony will be very bad. This sucks.


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## Tover26 (Oct 29, 2011)

It's empowering to take action. You already have an attorney, what's the point of paying for one if you disregard their advice? And, your attorney is right.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

lisa3girls said:


> and it makes me so sad, the hope is gone, though why I really thought there was any at all, I don't know.
> 
> Yesterday he told my 11 year old dd that he was sorry but it HAD to be this way, he couldn't be HAPPY if he stayed with mommy. And it was important for him to be HAPPY. What a jerk.
> 
> ...


That makes sense to me...


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> That makes sense to me...


If he is being wishy washy it also pushes him to really consider what he's doing. Taking you off the table might wake him up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Why would you not get child support?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I would go with what your attorney advises for sure with that scenario. 

The only thing that sounds like it could be worse than your husband cheating and feeling like he's given up on your marriage completely would be to end up with alimony and basically _paying_ him for doing it!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Wtf is uP with the no child support gimmick?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

tacoma said:


> Wtf is uP with the no child support gimmick?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Where I'm from, child support is not contingent nor negotiable. You can't bargain away visitation or property or alimony to get out of child support. Both parents have legal duty to support their children. I'm different country though. I guess regardless what you call it - if he give $1000 a month child support and you give $1000 a month alimony, it all comes out the same.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Unfourtinatly it is a trade off for no spousal support. She would be getting the better end of the deal on this. No income for him means low child support, and high spousal support. 
Lisa, did she say you could atleast make him pay half for medical and extra cricular activities?


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

COGypsy said:


> I would go with what your attorney advises for sure with that scenario.
> 
> The only thing that sounds like it could be worse than your husband cheating and feeling like he's given up on your marriage completely would be to end up with alimony and basically _paying_ him for doing it!


Unfourtanitly it is a **** system in many ways. I have a friend who was married for 12 years. Came home from work one day and all that was there was a table and divorce papers. He pays 1800 a month between child support and alimony. In essence he pays for her to have a house and utilites with the pos that she left him for. It is really sad.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Whether you file or not, don't get sucked into the drama of him not wanting to come back. Don't feed the affair with hostility that will make the other woman feel good about her support of him leaving you.
Filing is to protect you? To free you from him? What is the reason you would file?

List the pros and cons on a piece of paper and consider the factual plusses and minuses for you.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Wtf is uP with the no child support gimmick?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because we are in a no fault state, and my alimony exposure it huge... he had nothing.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

uphillbattle said:


> Unfourtinatly it is a trade off for no spousal support. She would be getting the better end of the deal on this. No income for him means low child support, and high spousal support.
> Lisa, did she say you could atleast make him pay half for medical and extra cricular activities?


I don't know yet, I have another appointment Monday to discuss more detail


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

chattycathy said:


> Whether you file or not, don't get sucked into the drama of him not wanting to come back. Don't feed the affair with hostility that will make the other woman feel good about her support of him leaving you.
> Filing is to protect you? To free you from him? What is the reason you would file?
> 
> List the pros and cons on a piece of paper and consider the factual plusses and minuses for you.


Yes, to protect me from having to pay alot.


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