# Change in appearance - wife doesn't like it



## Buffon06 (Aug 14, 2016)

I know this is an odd thing to post about, but it has been troubling me, and I wanted to get some perspective from others.

A few years ago, I suffered an injury to my penis (thrombosed dorsal vein - the vein on the top side of the penis). My wife and I were having PIV doggy style, and my withdrawal and thrust perfectly coincided with one of her orgasm contractions. It severely bent my penis, and it was very painful. I went to my urologist the next day, and was told to abstain from any penis-centric activity for a month.

Eventually, the pain subsided, but I noticed that over time, the prominent appearance of my straight dorsal vein disappeared. At the same time, the appearance of other veins on the sides became much, much more prominent. The veins on the sides sort of look like an aerial view of a river. I asked the urologist about it, and he told me it was a natural response to the large vein being blocked, so my body replaced the flow of the large vein by growing the other smaller veins larger.

The problem I have is that my wife doesn't like the way my penis looks now. She says she liked my previous "sleek, smooth" look, and doesn't really like the "veiny, Frankenstien" look that I have now. My penis works just fine like it used to, it just looks different.

It hasn't seemed to affect our sex life, but it bothers me that she used to like the way it used to look, but now thinks it looks "kinda gross".

So ladies, is the appearance of your partner's penis important to you? Does your partner's penis have to be aesthetically pleasing in order to be pleasing to you overall?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I knew a guy who had a similar injury to yours but his penis ended up looking like a rocket.
His wife is over the moon about it.


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## Buffon06 (Aug 14, 2016)

Ha! :|


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Seems a bit careless and insensitive of your wife. I mean it's not like you can go to Walmart and trade it in for new one. Ask her how she would feel if you told her after a car accident that her new face looks "kinda gross?"

Although a penis is fairly "gross" to begin with. I would sport your new tool like it's the best thing since sliced bread. If you are proud of it and confident, in time, she won't even notice.

Sounds like the sh$tttyest of sh$t tests to me.


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## Buffon06 (Aug 14, 2016)

UMP said:


> Seems a bit careless and insensitive of your wife. I mean it's not like you can go to Walmart and trade it in for new one. Ask her how she would feel if you told her after a car accident that her new face looks "kinda gross?"
> 
> Although a penis is fairly "gross" to begin with. I would sport your new tool like it's the best thing since sliced bread. If you are proud of it and confident, in time, she won't even notice.
> 
> Sounds like the sh$tttyest of sh$t tests to me.


Like I said, it hasn't had a negative impact on our sex life (at least I don't perceive that it has), she still likes to give me BJ's, etc. But it does bother me that she doesn't really like the way it looks nowadays compared to how it looked before.

So yeah, I might be overly sensitive about it, but would still appreciate female perspectives on the subject.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Buffon06 said:


> So ladies, is the appearance of your partner's penis important to you? Does your partner's penis have to be aesthetically pleasing in order to be pleasing to you overall?


Good lord no!! I've never seen anything even remotely resembling an 'attractive' penis - they're all butt-ugly. If she doesn't like the way it looks she should close her eyes or turn out the lights!!!


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Nope don't care what it looks like. I'm not visual like most women so I don't get turned on by its appearance. My partner doesn't know that however! I'm faking it till I make it. I make a point to compliment it, ooh and ahh over all his penis pics and I give him and it extra lovey dovey eyes whenever he whips it out. He says baby the **** has feelings too, so I treat it accordingly.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> Good lord no!! I've never seen anything even remotely resembling an 'attractive' penis - they're all butt-ugly. If she doesn't like the way it looks she should close her eyes or turn out the lights!!!


What seriously? No pretty peniseses possible?
That's it. I am getting one of those _vagine_ things the females keep talking about.
I heard you can just fold them up and store neatly.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> Nope don't care what it looks like. I'm not visual like most women so I don't get turned on by its appearance. My partner doesn't know that however! I'm faking it till I make it. I make a point to compliment it, ooh and ahh over all his penis pics and I give him and it extra lovey dovey eyes whenever he whips it out. He says baby the **** has feelings too, so I treat it accordingly.


Ooh that sucks (or blows?). My wife would act crazy horny whenever she was greeted with a veiny friend (apparently the more veins the better/harder?). But now I know it might have been all in vain! :crying:
OP: be proud of every vein. We earned them the hard way!


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Ooh that sucks (or blows?). My wife would act crazy horny whenever she was greeted with a veiny friend (apparently the more veins the better/harder?). But now I know it might have been all in vain! :crying:
> OP: be proud of every vein. We earned them the hard way!


Hehehe he's so proud of his veins! They're a lot more visible after an extended period of intense workouts so he gets extra super lovey dovey when they show up to the party. Double points!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Unless it's ridiculously freakish I don't think the appearance matters much. A penis isn't that aesthetically pleasing anyway.....that's not it's purpose.

But I do think it's rude and insensitive of her to tell you she doesn't like it when there's nothing you can do about it.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Hey OP, it's understandable that you're a little offended but your wife likely does not realize how sensitive you are about your penis. Have you explained to her how it made you feel? She'd likely be very surprised that you've taken her offhand comment so personally. Maybe relating it to offhand comments a men might make about their wife's appearance without considering it would be hurtful. Or perhaps using humor can help communicate the message without the discomfort of going into details about how you feel.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I can't imagine saying anything like that, to someone I love. It wouldn't matter to me, especially if it didn't affect our sex life. Your wife was rude to say that to you, honestly. Brutal honesty shouldn't trump kindness.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

What is the long term prognosis? Is this permanent?


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## ChipperE (Nov 16, 2016)

Did you come right out and ask her if she liked the way it used to look? If so she was simply being honest. Did she actually call it frankenstein? 

It seems unlikely that a loving wife would initiate a convo telling you how she loved your old c o c k. If she did then that's just plain rude. 

To answer your question, I personally don't care what it looks like as long as it gets the job done.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I seriously doubt that if you said her newly lopsided boob wasn't as attractive as her previously perky one, you'd be sleeping anywhere but in a van down by the river. 

Some things, you just don't give your spouse [email protected] about. She seems to lack tact.

Your body adjusted to trauma so that it could continue to function fully. If anything, I call that a marvel of the human body, not gross.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> Good lord no!! I've never seen anything even remotely resembling an 'attractive' penis - they're all butt-ugly. If she doesn't like the way it looks she should close her eyes or turn out the lights!!!


This. Penises are ugly but it's what they DO that makes them attractive/hot. 

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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

"Kinda gross"? Ouch. I'm sorry.

If my bf or H said that to me, especially knowing the trauma my lady bits went through (not mention it happened with him!), oh man. I'd be very hurt. 

I would never, ever say anything that hurtful to the person i love.


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## Buffon06 (Aug 14, 2016)

Xenote said:


> What is the long term prognosis? Is this permanent?


Yes, it is permanent, short of a surgical solution.

Basically, the conversation went like this. We each had a couple of drinks, and one thing led to another. We were both naked and she was rubbing my penis. She commented on how veiny it had become. I asked her if the veins bothered her. She paused for several seconds and said that she liked the way it looked before the injury better, when it was smooth. She went on to say that she never cared for bodybuilders who were all veiny, she thought it was kind of gross. 

By that time, I was pretty worked up. She gave me a BJ, I reciprocated, and it ended nicely for both of us.

Afterwards, I started thinking about what she said, and it bothered me. So that's why I posted.

I don't think it was her intention to be mean; she made an observation, I asked a question and she gave me an honest answer. We all know dudes are sensitive and insecure about our penises, and I'm no exception.

Thanks to all the ladies for your input. So far, it sounds like most of you don't really care about the aesthetics of penises; size, shape, functionality, and who the penis is attached to are probably more important than excessive veinyness.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As long as it continues to effectively live up to its intended job description, then I'd say that, over the due course of time, that she should lovingly get used to it!

After all, it's only a physical extension of your total personality!*


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Buffon06 said:


> So ladies, is the appearance of your partner's penis important to you? Does your partner's penis have to be aesthetically pleasing in order to be pleasing to you overall?


It really only matters what your woman thinks. If a bunch of random women want to tell you "oh heck yeah, we love veiny peens!" it will possibly boost your ego for one moment...but then is sure to make you feel even worse when you are considering your wife's opinion again. It is a suck hole that you need to not focus on, it will only make you feel worse.

However, I will make another post on this thread to express my opinion here...because I just like expressing it. 

I don't think your wife has any idea of how hurtful her words were.

My first husband said some very hurtful words to me about my body when we were first together. At the time, I agreed with him about what he said...so although it hurt, it didn't really tear down my self esteem, I just thought "well sure of course you think that, it is normal to think such a thing about a body part(s) that are not what society has conditioned us to see as beautiful". I just felt that the objective opinion of my body (in the specific way I'm talking about with my ex) was the same as his and my own. At the time, I could not see how a "different" body or body parts could be as sexy and beautiful as "normal" bodies and body parts.

Over the years, I just filed it away and never expected him to love that part of my body.

Eventually at some point, after over a decade and 2 kids together, and growing to know each other's bodies through much more than just sex....he mentioned to me that he loved this body part of mine. 

I responded with "yeah...I don't think so...you told me so many years ago that you didn't...and why would you?"

He said with complete sincerity...."I was a fool".

I knew in that moment all at once that he had grown emotionally so far past where he was when he said those words, and I knew in my soul that he really loved that part of my body in such a deeper way than just being "attracted" to it...that it healed in me my own view of myself all at once. I suddenly felt beautiful in that part of my body in a way I never had before, probably ever in my life. I knew he was sincere and that it was a profound love he was speaking of....so much more important that just the visual. The visual had not changed. He had changed. His capacity to see me and my body as something other than just a hot young thing (as I was when we met) had changed. And I felt his change in my body after he said that to me that day.

He had no idea how deeply those words he said when we were young would affect me. I literally never mentioned it once. I just accepted it. "Of course he feels that way". But when he said those words, he never wanted or expected me to accept a broken or "ugly" view of myself. He was just speaking from one part of himself, not from all of himself. We really have a lot more emotional breadth and depth than we can understand when we are young. He blurted out something that was true for a very narrow part of himself.

Your wife spoke from that same place. If she knew how you feel, she would likely regret those words so badly. She doesn't "really" feel as harsh a was it sounded, most likely. She likely is still processing her own feelings about your "new" penis and how different it looks from the penis she fell in love with. It must be like losing an old friend to her, and she hasn't considered your feelings, just her own. That's kind of typical too, if you don't make it clear that what she said made such an impact. I think if I had said something about how deeply my husband's words affected me soon after it happened, he would have quickly tried to recover from it and would have felt terrible. I know for sure he did feel terrible once he realized what that unspoken wound had done for over a decade. I felt terrible too, in that moment when I knew his sincerity was so true...and that he really didn't mean those words anymore....and that he wished so terribly he could take them back and rephrase them in a way that would reflect his later, more mature love for me and my body.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Good lord no!! I've never seen anything even remotely resembling an 'attractive' penis - they're all butt-ugly. If she doesn't like the way it looks she should close her eyes or turn out the lights!!!


Wow....sorry, but I so strongly disagree with this!

Penises are BEAUTIFUL. They are AMAZING, incredible sexual organs. The incredible changes they go through, the mechanics of it all, the fact that our bodies evolved so that the delicate sperm can reside outside the body so that they can be one degree or so cooler....the fascinating processes the testicles go through to keep those little swimmers alive and fertile, always adjusting to what the body and the mind is doing, but without the mind's conscious control....it is an incredible and lovely system as a whole, one of God's truly best designs.

The penis itself, whether flaccid or erect, is simply beautiful to me. The fact that it basically acts on its own, also beautiful to me. I like going down there and engaging my man's junk, I can talk to it and interact with it and it responds to me. Not just "oh yeah, an erection, like I haven't seen that before". I'm talking about actually interacting with it....truly communicating. Just me and the junk, not my man....I assume that sounds cray cray to some. But to others, they will know what I'm talking about.

I wish I could experience having a penis for a day. I would be stroking it and taking pictures of it for the whole time!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Tell her that the more she strokes it the smoother it will become (logical). Doctor's orders. Everyone wins! (Plus she'll get used to it and will be grossed out by smooth ones. You can tell a lot of women are grossed out by peniseses regardless of smoothness. Yet they secretly like them. Some less secretly than others. That's what I keep telling myself when I cry myself to sleep 


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> It really only matters what your woman thinks. If a bunch of random women want to tell you "oh heck yeah, we love veiny peens!" it will possibly boost your ego for one moment...but then is sure to make you feel even worse when you are considering your wife's opinion again. It is a suck hole that you need to not focus on, it will only make you feel worse.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




So well written. This could easily be used and combined with OP's story as a screenplay for a big Mystery Drama movie. Four Penises and a Funeral (for the old penis friend). Meryl Streep in the lead role (depending on which body part we are talking about) and Vin Diesel as the veiny new penis.
---
But really sometimes my wife blurts out things without thinking too. Even if she actually likes something, she will make it sound like it's something strange or weird. Your partner didn't actually say the penis was gross. Just that she finds bodybuilders gross. My wife prefers doing bj's in the morning because apparently she can feel more veins and more life pumping through it. I never compared it with a bodybuilder (I'm as far away removed from a bodybuilder as Vin Diesel's acting skills from those of Meryl Streep).
Don't dwell on it.



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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> Wow....sorry, but I so strongly disagree with this!
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I wish I had breasts for a day. Trade? (Joking)

Though I don't think I would like it if it was referred to as "junk". It would imply that it needs to be trashed afterwards.



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## Buffon06 (Aug 14, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> I wish I could experience having a penis for a day. I would be stroking it and taking pictures of it for the whole time!


I once told my wife that if I had a vagina, I would never leave the house.


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## Buffon06 (Aug 14, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> It really only matters what your woman thinks. If a bunch of random women want to tell you "oh heck yeah, we love veiny peens!" it will possibly boost your ego for one moment...but then is sure to make you feel even worse when you are considering your wife's opinion again. It is a suck hole that you need to not focus on, it will only make you feel worse.


It actually has made me feel better to hear that most of the TAM ladies who have posted to this thread don't really care that much about the appearance of their partner's penis. I don't believe that the recent change in how mine looks has had a negative impact on our sex life at this point. If my wife stops having sex with me, or otherwise avoids interacting with my penis because of how it now looks, then I would have a major problem.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

When I was younger, like, 19 or so I asked my ex wife (then GF) if she thought I had a nice package. Her response was that they were all ugly. I laughed, she laughed, we moved on.

I have yet to come across a woman who genuinely likes the look of a penis, the way we men like boobs. I'm sure they exist, but I'm also pretty sure that most women who do, like the _thought_ of a penis, moreso than the actual aesthetics of them. That said, I have one vein that runs down my junk on one side. Obviously the harder I am, the more prominent it is, and my wife will actually notice it. But that has less to do with aesthetics than it does my wife noticing how hard I am - which is more of a mental turn-on for her than anything.

And I think that's the gist of it all - the harder a penis is, the more of a positive effect it has on a woman. "That's because of me!". Speaking from experience, the harder I am, the more 'into it' she'll be. She'll play with it more, seem to have more urgency, and PIV is more enjoyable. I'm not convinced it's because it gives it that much of a difference in feel (though that's probably part of it), more that it indicates to her that I'm more turned on. (which is not the case, of course, it just means the blood is flowing a little better at that time! I'm not 20 anymore... lol)

In any case, OP, I'm willing to bet that if your junk had always looked the way it does now, your wife wouldn't have thought twice about it. I think it's more that it's changed, than anything. Not changed for the worst. Just changed.

*ETA - only woman I've ever been with actually commented on my junk, calling it "a gorgeous ****", which made me feel really good. But it was also probably said for exactly that reason! No matter, it was awesome to hear, and I think more women should do so


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I would like the penis no matter how it looked just as long as it did a good job LOL

YOur wife is a little insensitive in my opinion, she doesn't realize how sensitive a man can be about that part of his anatomy. I suggest you tell her that it is hurtful to you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Don't ask a question that you don't want the answer to.

BTW, if she ever asks you if her stretch marks or sagging boobs bother you; I suggest you say that they are part of her and you love her. In other words, dodge the question.


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