# I Finally Found That Peace I hope You Do Too



## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I don't know about you guys/gals but it is early in the morning and I'm not a morning person at all. But today is a special day and I have been waiting for this day for five years now. It all started with someone else thread and I was accused of not knowing what it felt like to be cheated on, but on the contrary I did. I like many others sadly was with a serial cheater till this day I don't know how many women he was with. We weren't married but were together for about 10 years. 

We lived together and he had at least two other girlfriends and I think working on a few more, he was a busy man. He got busted eventually and not only did he lie to me but he had all his friends lie to me for years the last straw was when he sent a mass text to all his friends to tell them if his other GF asks about me tell her I don't exist. 

I can't tell you how many false R's we had thinking we would survive and beat the odds, he would understand the error of his ways... because I knew him sooo well. And each false R and each heartbreak there was that constant reminder in the back of my head to "trust but verify".

I don't miss holding my breathe and shaking looking through his emails or try to crack his phone to figure out who he had been talking to. I don't miss at all questioning him where he was going and wait for his answer and I already know where he was I just wanted to see if he was going to tell me the truth. 

I certainly don't miss the phone call to the OW who had no clue who I was and broke down on the phone when she realized her bf had lied to her the entire relationship. But most of all I don't miss the person I had become, I was so fixated in finding out all the facts the truth, making sure he said where he said he was etc etc, that I lost out on what it mean't to be happy and loved. 

It was scary being on my own again, afraid that I couldn't be loved again, that I would be worthy of it and could I find that trust in a man that I put all my faith and love in it seemed to impossible after all he put me through. I went through all these crazy stages, from anger to sadness, to bitterness, rage, betrayed, hatred, sorrow, mourning, to finally..FINALLY... indifference. No anger, no sadness, no bitterness, not anymore.
When I got married I thought I put it past me but I didn't I just buried my anger. I especially flipped out when my ex tried to contact me earlier on this year. 

So what does all this have to do with the Ah HAAA moment?! The ah ha moment came when I wrote about my ex and I was indifferent about it, I wasn't angry, I wasn't sad, I didn't wish him harm, it had just went away. This time of year use to trigger or bother me (Ex's Bday) and also the summer was a but difficult because of how I found out about his many many affairs. But I haven't thought about it, not until now. There was no cloud no retreating no trigger. Just peace. It took a long time to get here. But I'm here. I made it. 

I'm not a victim I choose not to be, I'm not a betrayed or former SO. I'm Kris. I define me not my ex. I'm sorry for the rambling I just hope one day that some of you find that PEACE weather if you stayed in your relationship or not. This is one of the best days of my life because I feel free. I'am free. Whoever is reading this I hope you get there someday too. I hope you find the strength to not only forgive but also move past it to a point where you don't care. 

So yes I did know what it felt like to be cheated on and it sucked, but to go from where I was to where I'am now is a miracle in itself. I like this quote. "There is a teasing irony: we spend our lives evading our own redemption. And this is naturally so because something in us knows that to be fully human we must experience pain and loss. Therefore, we are at ceaseless effort to elude this high cost, whatever the cost, until at last it overtakes us. And then in spite of ourselves we do realize our humanity. We are put in worthier possession of our souls. Then we look back and know that even our grief contained our blessing."


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Once I was like you were before. Now I am on the path of becoming what you are now.

I believe in second chances and redemption. But in my intimate relationships I am never going to be as forgiving and optimistic as I once was. Before I was a 'three strikes and you're out' guy. Now I am 'one miss and you're on my rearview mirror' person.

I am so glad for you. You give me hope.


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## myhusbandswife (Jun 26, 2013)

Appreciate your story!


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

It put a smile on my face to read this and see that you have moved on and are finally at peace. I think so many of us long to get to that same place we just dont know how, or if we do, we are afraid! Kudos to you for finding that place and having the strength to press on!


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

A million "likes", krismimo.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Thanks everyone for reading sorry if it was long I just feel like a new person, it is hard to put into words.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

life101 said:


> Once I was like you were before. Now I am on the path of becoming what you are now.
> 
> I believe in second chances and redemption. But in my intimate relationships I am never going to be as forgiving and optimistic as I once was. Before I was a 'three strikes and you're out' guy. Now I am 'one miss and you're on my rearview mirror' person.
> 
> I am so glad for you. You give me hope.


Thanks for sharing I think you will get there, If I could do it anyone can.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

LetDownNTX said:


> It put a smile on my face to read this and see that you have moved on and are finally at peace. I think so many of us long to get to that same place we just dont know how, or if we do, we are afraid! Kudos to you for finding that place and having the strength to press on!


Thanks Letdown, I read your story so hearing this from you it means a whole lot. I use to think that people have to forgive and you have to make peace right away, but I think it is a journey and you have to go through all the ugly, murky, sticky, unsavory, path to get to where you need to be. The hardest thing is being honest with yourself and taking one day at a time. It took me so long to get here and looking back the only person that was holding up my "healing" process was me.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

myhusbandswife said:


> Appreciate your story!


Thanks! And Thank you for reading!!


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

wow just wow what a day


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

This post is filled with hope; the positive tone of it and the hope that I will be you someday. The realization that I now know I could never live my life checking up on somebody that I thought I knew and now can not trust the words that come out of his mouth-because they are mostly lies. Over and over and so many times when I had proof that what he said was not true. I know I will not live my life this way. Maybe I am weak and not strong enough for reconciliation; whatever it is-it certainly is the right path for me.

Thank you for sharing this. Some days I think I am at that indifferent stage finally but some other feelings will come up and then I know I am not 100% there yet and feel discouraged, but I am climbing that mountain and making slow and steady progress.

True healing is what reflected from you here. I long for the day when I am feeling exactly as you do today~


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

5Creed said:


> This post is filled with hope; the positive tone of it and the hope that I will be you someday. The realization that I now know I could never live my life checking up on somebody that I thought I knew and now can not trust the words that come out of his mouth-because they are mostly lies. Over and over and so many times when I had proof that what he said was not true. I know I will not live my life this way. Maybe I am weak and not strong enough for reconciliation; whatever it is-it certainly is the right path for me.
> 
> Thank you for sharing this. Some days I think I am at that indifferent stage finally but some other feelings will come up and then I know I am not 100% there yet and feel discouraged, but I am climbing that mountain and making slow and steady progress.
> 
> True healing is what reflected from you here. I long for the day when I am feeling exactly as you do today~


Thank you so much for reading, and thank you for your input. Keep making those slow but steady progress, I hope you get there too. It is worth all the pain, hurt, hurdles etc. I never thought I would get there but somehow I did. Keep doing the great work and remember that your better off without them and never settle! :smthumbup:


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