# Loneliness



## nowthinkpositive (Jun 18, 2011)

I feel so lonely too. I don't know what to do. I almost texted my STBX husband just now to say I love you and I miss you. But I stopped myself and came here to get advice. Please help. Should I text him or not? He has someone else. He no longer really communicates with me - only through text or email. After 28 years together (since age 19) and 23 years married, how did I get to this place? It is a nightmare I can't wake up from and I feel absolutely, totally alone.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

*Re: The loneliness is excruciating*

Nowthinkpositive-you've been together the exact amount of time that we have from the same age. I was 19 when we started dating. We're still living in the same house so I haven't experienced the loneliness to its fullest yet. I will have one child leaving for college about the same time he plans to move out, if he doesn't move out sooner, and a 15 y/o will live with me, but when everyone is gone out doing their own things my heart just caves in. 

Instead of texting your STBX, can you text or call a friend and talk? I know it's not the same as texting the H, but it might help. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to text mine just to say I love you and I have to stop myself and remember that he's not mine to do that to anymore. He doesn't have anyone else (that I know of), but he's still not mine to say I love you to....although I do with all my heart.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

You know what in all honesty helped me out with loneliness?

My babies.

After I left hubs in Feb. I ended up having another (I already owned one) small dog dumped into my arms. It was a random thing to have happen while i was out with a friend of mine running errands. They had called him all sorts of names, he was terrified of everyone and everything, (including the other animals that lived here) and they after having him a month wanted him gone that day.

That little shih-tzu does not leave my side. He doesn't bark, he doesn't misbehave, he's absolutely perfect.

But, when I wake up to my two dogs, Roll over and see my lizard, walk into the house and see my cat and my parents animals all loneliness fades.

They need me, they love me, follow me through the house, I am never without a furry body to comfort me and the kind of love is irreplaceable.

Im not saying go out and buy a zoo, I had my animals before i left hubs but that one little dog I ended up taking despite not wanting another has been the best therapy for me (and the best new friend for my other small dog) If Im sad, he sticks his smooshed face into mine to snap me out of it and being able to bring them joy just by waking up is enough reason to carry on with the rest of the day and work to make myself happy. 

They need me, they need a healthy happy me, and you cannot be alone with a furry little body there who loves you absolutely


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

It may sound stupid, but I enjoy gardening. It gives me something to tend to, and somehow has a productive value to it. Get a big planter and some soil and grow something. Water it, learn how to maintain the soils proper Ph balance, learn about the plant itself, I also have cats, I am a cat dude. 
What positive issues can you think of that come with being solitary? The ability to do what you want, when you want to. The removal of the inherent necessity to consider and obligate yourself to the wants, feelings, and needs of someone else whose best interest is not always yours as well. 
I just need a HOUSE, someone get me a HOUSE!!!!


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## jackweds (Jul 3, 2011)

I feel the loneliness and the pain as well. I have often written out whole messages and stopped myself the moment before send. I think 99% of the time a sent message leads to pain. I have 3 reasons to suggest, firstly if they reply chances are it will not contain what you want, in other words they wont suggest getting back together, secondly they may not reply at all and thirdly if you do start communication of that kind and texts do start to go back and forward all you will end up doing is getting angry and bitter and saying something you may regret. You cant control anyone except yourself (and even that is tough enough), so if possible let him be and who knows maybe he will start to miss you. By texting all you are doing is allowing him to know that if he should choose to he can come back and you will be there. Let him know what he may be missing, he may come back, he may not. I a perverse way either way you win, if he does you get what you want, if he doesn't you don't have to waste your life with someone who does not appreciate you. Tough but true i am afraid.


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## nowthinkpositive (Jun 18, 2011)

Thanks for the responses everyone. I know in my heart you are all correct. I need to make a clean break and stop reaching out. 

Tonight he has gone out (wearing a new shirt I am sure SHE picked out). We are cordial but everything is very business-like at this point but it is just so hard. It seems the closer we get to the end the more I am falling apart. I thought it would get easier not harder.

Niciblue - you asked "do you work". Yes, I have a full-time job with a great deal of responsiblity so at least at work I need to hold it together. Did I mention my stbx's sister is my boss?!!! When I see her face I think of him. It's like I can't get any distance... it is really hard. I have thought about leaving but I need some consistency in my life and I am losing my house, my dog (he will stay with ex since the house has a large fenced in yard and I am moving to a condo), my garden (we have 2 1/2 acres with an orchard and I did all the landscaping and perennial beds myself - something I really love - and I will leave those behind too, when I go to the condo). Yes, I am having a bit of a pity part tonight I am sorry to say.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.


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## dojo (Jul 4, 2011)

These are the most difficult moments, you'll be better soon. Call a friend and go out, go to a gym, to a dancing class, anything that gets you out of the house and shows you that you are good and smart and sexy. Calling him is not a good idea, the guy is clearly moving on. So just start amking your move too


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

I know how you feel NTP. How did I get to this place after 20 years. I want to do all the things we used to do. I need to find someone else to spend time with but I have a hard time imagining it will be the same.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

I am in the same boat as you- I had 1/2 acre w/ the greenest grass U ever saw, I had 6 tractors and loved to cut the grass, I just removed the rest of my stuff tonight. In the garage, I had wall to wall tools and 2 boys who loved to work w/ me....that is the biggest heart break of all. I was looking @ what my son was working on and he was doing a great job but there were a few dangers he didn't see...I have to talk to him about it but I want to be there so bad!!
As far as the wife is concened, I could go the rest of my life w/o ever speaking to her. Wanna know why she filed? She cheated, she was addicted to computer games (12hrs a day), she has several PD's and she sees nothing wrong w/ what she does...we did MC for 20 weeks and then she files b/c I called her names and I was mean to her...was I supposed to be nice b/c she had an affair? LOL I just talked to her family this weekend and they all cried b/c she's lost it, she's crazy, she'll never get the support she thought she was going to get. The $$$ will run out and she'll have to live in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!! lol
Mouse


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## PERDAO (Jul 31, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PERDAO (Jul 31, 2011)

PERDAO said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel your pain. I am going through same thing with wife and this is my second day in appt. After 3 week separation. She wants to file for divorce and I have thrown the kitchen sink of love at her. But she honestly looks right through me and I don't see the same person that I loved right now. The absolute best advice and the same I have been getting is the 180 rule and also go out and go to gum of change appearance in some way and buy new clothes. It's hard for me to buy new clothes because we share same finances, and she makes more money so I would feel I liitle awkward but if you have to borrow a couple hundred and go out and shop with a friend. Do the best you can to be better and prettier and better dressed. It will make you feel a little better. People always say don't do it for the other do it for yourself but when your getting on with your life, who cares who it's for at first asong as your making the steps.. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PERDAO (Jul 31, 2011)

PERDAO said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel your pain. I am going through same thing with wife and this is my second day in appt. After 3 week separation. She wants to file for divorce and I have thrown the kitchen sink of love at her. But she honestly looks right through me and I don't see the same person that I loved right now. The absolute best advice and the same I have been getting is the 180 rule and also go out and go to gum of change appearance in some way and buy new clothes. It's hard for me to buy new clothes because we share same finances, and she makes more money so I would feel I liitle awkward but if you have to borrow a couple hundred and go out and shop with a friend. Do the best you can to be better and prettier and better dressed. It will make you feel a little better. People always say don't do it for the other do it for yourself but when your getting on with your life, who cares who it's for at first asong as your making the steps.. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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