# One Sided Relationship



## 12psion91 (Mar 19, 2014)

After talking with a friend who directed me to this site, I think I'm going to see what the more experienced have done in similar situations. My wife and I have been married now for about 3 1/2 years. During the first year, we went through some trials (who doesn't?) She admitted to me that she made a mistake marrying me as she was still hung up on a past boyfriend. We tried to work through it, but after a year and a half, we both decided to call it quits. But lo and behold, it turned out she was pregnant. So, we stuck together, now have a beautiful baby boy, and things got allot better. I thought it would just keep improving, but there were little things that just kept happening that kept throwing doubt in my mind time after time. It mostly has to do with intimacy and showing affection. I have always believed that if two people have a genuine love for one another, there should be no problems showing it by touch, words, and acts of kindness. This is how I show her that I love her. But I get none of that in return. She is in grad school right now, so I do most of the cooking, cleaning and looking after our son. I don't really mind, because I'm a tad picky when it comes to organization and the food I eat. But I get more criticism than praise for what I do. As far as affection goes, anytime I hug her, she stands there with her arms at her side until she pushes me to get me to stop. Kissing rarely happens. She says its because she doesn't like my facial hair, but nothing changes if I shave. Sex happens maybe once a month, twice if I'm lucky, and it is never instigated by her. In fact, her reactions to sex are about the same to hugs: arms at her side, emotionless, and then pushes me off as soon as its over. I don't mean to sound as if I'm venting to an online forum. I simply want to explain how I see it in order to get some direction of where to go. Anytime I bring up how I feel about the way she treats our relationship, she quickly changes the subject or gets out her phone/tablet and gets on facebook. I don't get mad at her, simply frustrated at her lack of care for the situation. We were both raised in active christian families, and we (I) believe that divorce is the absolute last resort. I love her and I love my son. But how are we supposed to live together in harmony and raise a child in a loving home if there are clearly some emotional issues between us? I feel like I'm putting into this relationship a whole lot more than what I'm getting back. If anyone can give some advice, please, I would greatly appreciate it.


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## D'arcy (Apr 14, 2014)

Have you brought up marriage counseling, especially through a church as you mention that you are both Christian and divorce is a last resort?

You didn't mention how old your child is, could she have PPD? Is the stress of graduate school too much for her?

I wouldn't give up on the relationship, I'd look for answers and that sometimes takes an objective person to help you both with.

Having sex once/twice a month the way you describe sounds terribly uncomfortable and leaves you feeling unwanted and her feeling used. I'd put sex on the back burner until you both get in to counseling and work on communicating with each other.

I rarely find relationships to me 50/50 all the time. There are too many factors that we deal with day to day that throw it off kilter.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

12psion91 said:


> After talking with a friend who directed me to this site, I think I'm going to see what the more experienced have done in similar situations. My wife and I have been married now for about 3 1/2 years. During the first year, we went through some trials (who doesn't?) She admitted to me that she made a mistake marrying me as she was still hung up on a past boyfriend. We tried to work through it, but after a year and a half, we both decided to call it quits. But lo and behold, it turned out she was pregnant. So, we stuck together, now have a beautiful baby boy, and things got allot better. I thought it would just keep improving, but there were little things that just kept happening that kept throwing doubt in my mind time after time. It mostly has to do with intimacy and showing affection. *I have always believed that if two people have a genuine love for one another, there should be no problems showing it by touch, words, and acts of kindness. This is how I show her that I love her. But I get none of that in return. *She is in grad school right now, so I do most of the cooking, cleaning and looking after our son. I don't really mind, because I'm a tad picky when it comes to organization and the food I eat. But I get more criticism than praise for what I do. *As far as affection goes, anytime I hug her, she stands there with her arms at her side until she pushes me to get me to stop. Kissing rarely happens. She says its because she doesn't like my facial hair, but nothing changes if I shave. Sex happens maybe once a month, twice if I'm lucky, and it is never instigated by her. In fact, her reactions to sex are about the same to hugs: arms at her side, emotionless, and then pushes me off as soon as its over. *I don't mean to sound as if I'm venting to an online forum. I simply want to explain how I see it in order to get some direction of where to go. Anytime I bring up how I feel about the way she treats our relationship, she quickly changes the subject or gets out her phone/tablet and gets on facebook. I don't get mad at her, simply frustrated at her lack of care for the situation. We were both raised in active christian families, and we (I) believe that divorce is the absolute last resort. I love her and I love my son. But how are we supposed to live together in harmony and raise a child in a loving home if there are clearly some emotional issues between us? I feel like I'm putting into this relationship a whole lot more than what I'm getting back. If anyone can give some advice, please, I would greatly appreciate it.


It may seem natural to you to show affection in this way, but it may not be for her. You are giving WAY too much for not getting anything in return. You may want to read The 5 Love Languages. My personal opinion in reading your post...she has checked out. She admitted that she should not have married you, thats pretty serious. I dont know what you guys did to make things better after your child was born, but she does not seem to have any love for you. Unless you can get her on board to do her part, both in the relationship and around the house with your child, this is the kind of marriage you will be stuck in. You CANNOT do this by yourself, it will take BOTH of you putting in the work. Try getting into marriage counseling, and read that book.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

She said she made a mistake in marrying you, and she still feels the same way. Only now she feels trapped, and is unwilling to make an effort to improve things - instead, she's quietly sabotaging any possibility of making things better. Yes, MC may help, but may only bring these things into the open, in which case you may have to decide if you can both live with a loveless marriage, or end it in hopes of finding someone who does love you.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

I highly suggest the "Married Man's Sex Primer 2011". It will absolutely, without question help you figure out if it is possible to spice up your marriage and feel the love, if it's there.

The next one I highly recommend is "The Five Love Languages." It's a very quick read, easy to grasp, and even easier to employ.


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## Counterfit (Feb 2, 2014)

12psion91 said:


> .......but after a year and a half, we both decided to call it quits. But lo and behold, it turned out she was pregnant..........


You don't seriously believe her pregnancy was an "accident" do you? :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Please ask yourself this question - what is the probability of her "accidentally" becoming pregnant just before your marriage was about to end while she never became pregnant during all of the time you have been previously having sex (many months, many years)? 

Here is what happened: You were set up and manipulated.

When she realized that her marriage to you was actually going to end she arranged for the "accidental" pregnancy to occur. All women believe that "having a baby" will make all things good and better - this illusion is hard-wired into the female brain. This type of self inflicted delusion is required for the human race to procreate.

Now that she has had the baby her DNA born delusion has dissipated and she is back to not being happy again.

There is no escape for you now - I am sorry.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Counterfit said:


> You don't seriously believe her pregnancy was an "accident" do you? :rofl::rofl::rofl:


She didnt want to be with him, so WHY would she get pregnant on purpose to keep him around? :scratchhead: Personally I question whether he is really the dad or not. 12, has your child been DNA tested?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> She didnt want to be with him, so WHY would she get pregnant on purpose to keep him around? :scratchhead:


:iagree:


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## Feelingsadnlonely (Mar 3, 2014)

Oh wow, I just have to comment on this. I am sorry you feel the way you are feeling. In reading your post, I swear it sounded like the way things were with me and my H!! I was like your W and you were like my H. 

Please don't give up yet! She is unhappy (like I was) with something and you have to find out what that something is! I acted just like you described her to act and boy do I regret it (my H left me in January). My actions were making him feel unhappy in our marriage and he just wanted out. You sound like a really good guy that loves her so please be patient. Sit down and TALK to her about your feelings. That's something that my H and I never did and look where I ended up? Figure it out with her. Go to MC and/or IC. Actually, if you are religious/Christian, find a marriage counselor within your church. 

My H and I went to our priest this past weekend and it was one of the best things we have done since the separation began. We both came out of the session with smiles, hope, and faith that with work from the both of us, we will be able to restore our marriage. The truth really comes out in those counseling sessions. I heard some things about myself that weren't pretty (and so did my H). I also heard some things that hurt my feelings (like my H planning to leave me before I became pregnant then he couldn't but did end up leaving when our baby was 5 months old). So, but my point is, TALK about what's bothering you. PLEASE don't hold it in (that's what my H did, he would hold everything in and I had no clue what he was feeling). If there is still something there between the two of you, you will know. 

Now I understand what role I played in my H leaving and I am doing everything in my power to change those behaviors that made me an ugly person. I truly do love my H even though I never physically acted like it (like your W). PDA for me is just not in my DNA but I am working hard on changing that (my H loved to express himself in that way). Anyways, communicate your feelings to her and listen to her too. Both of you may be able to work through this. 

Good luck to you!!!


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

12psion91 said:


> After talking with a friend who directed me to this site, I think I'm going to see what the more experienced have done in similar situations. My wife and I have been married now for about 3 1/2 years. During the first year, we went through some trials (who doesn't?) She admitted to me that she made a mistake marrying me as *she was still hung up on a past boyfriend*. We tried to work through it, but after a year and a half, we both decided to call it quits. But lo and behold, it turned out she was pregnant. So, we stuck together, now have a beautiful baby boy, and things got allot better. I thought it would just keep improving, but there were little things that just kept happening that kept throwing doubt in my mind time after time. It mostly has to do with intimacy and showing affection. I have always believed that if two people have a genuine love for one another, there should be no problems showing it by touch, words, and acts of kindness. This is how I show her that I love her. But I get none of that in return. She is in grad school right now, so I do most of the cooking, cleaning and looking after our son. I don't really mind, because I'm a tad picky when it comes to organization and the food I eat. But I get more criticism than praise for what I do. As far as affection goes, anytime I hug her, she stands there with her arms at her side until she pushes me to get me to stop. Kissing rarely happens. She says its because she doesn't like my facial hair, but nothing changes if I shave. Sex happens maybe once a month, twice if I'm lucky, and it is never instigated by her. In fact, her reactions to sex are about the same to hugs: arms at her side, emotionless, and then pushes me off as soon as its over. I don't mean to sound as if I'm venting to an online forum. I simply want to explain how I see it in order to get some direction of where to go. Anytime I bring up how I feel about the way she treats our relationship, she quickly changes the subject or gets out her phone/tablet and gets on facebook. I don't get mad at her, simply frustrated at her lack of care for the situation. We were both raised in active christian families, and we (I) believe that divorce is the absolute last resort. I love her and I love my son. But how are we supposed to live together in harmony and raise a child in a loving home if there are clearly some emotional issues between us? I feel like I'm putting into this relationship a whole lot more than what I'm getting back. If anyone can give some advice, please, I would greatly appreciate it.


Sorry to sound so harsh but I don't think she is in love with you and remains hung up on this boyfriend. 

Why don't you just ask her if that's the case?


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## greenapple (Apr 21, 2014)

I'm sorry to sound so negative and I am sorry you're going through this, but it is more obvious she doesn't love you. When you love someone it shows, no matter what you're going through the love always shows somehow but when there is no sign of love, I mean its pretty obvious!! you can't live like this forever with someone who literally rejects you.


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## 12psion91 (Mar 19, 2014)

Thanks to everyone who replied, I know its been a while since I was on here (forgot password lol). Since I originally posted, I have tried to talk things out and get my wife to tell me how she feels. Turns out getting her to talk about her feelings is next to impossible. However, she did admit to not being in love with me. ("I love you, but I have never been in love with you", whatever that means.) She agreed to counseling, but never could commit to a solid appointment date. She said it is just too weird for her, talking to a stranger about our relationship. We tried being more intimate. But that was a bad idea. There were more fights and hurt feelings than anything else. More recently, I took it upon myself to try a different approach while initiating sex, and all i succeeded in doing was getting myself slapped in the face. That incidently led to her telling me two things: 1, having sex with me makes her sick to her stomach. 2, she feels dishonest when we have sex. The first one makes ME sick to my stomach and gives me the urge to just up and leave. However the second really leaves me baffled. Dishonest? What? How? Why? Is she cheating on me? Does she feel loyalty to someone else?? So this was just a few days ago, and we havnt really spoken about anything that was said. I am having a REALLY hard time not leaving. The only thing that is keeping me there is my son. I honestly dont know what to do with this situation. I dont know who to talk to about it.


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

12psion91 said:


> After talking with a friend who directed me to this site, I think I'm going to see what the more experienced have done in similar situations. My wife and I have been married now for about 3 1/2 years. During the first year, we went through some trials (who doesn't?) *She admitted to me that she made a mistake marrying me * Good God!! How did you respond? My guess is that you showed no anger or strong emotion. Si??*as she was still hung up on a past boyfriend.* You were always 'plan B' We tried to work through it, but after a year and a half, we both decided to call it quits. Missed opportunity But lo and behold, it turned out she was pregnant. You might want to check in to this So, we stuck together, now have a beautiful baby boy, and things got allot better. She was relieved you didn't catch on? *I thought it would just keep improving*, Unicorns but there were little things that just kept happening that kept throwing doubt in my mind time after time. It mostly has to do with intimacy and showing affection. I have always believed that if two people have a genuine love for one another, there should be no problems showing it by touch, words, and acts of kindness. This is how I show her that I love her. But I get none of that in return. *She is in grad school right now, *Preparing for the next step so *I do most of the cooking, cleaning and looking after our son.* Beta Beta Beta I don't really mind, because I'm a tad picky when it comes to organization and the food I eat. *But I get more criticism than praise for what I do.* Doesn't respect you As far as affection goes, anytime I hug her, she stands there with her arms at her side until she pushes me to get me to stop. Kissing rarely happens. She says its because she doesn't like my facial hair, but nothing changes if I shave. Sex happens maybe once a month, twice if I'm lucky, and it is never instigated by her. In fact, her reactions to sex are about the same to hugs: arms at her side, emotionless, and then pushes me off as soon as its over. I don't mean to sound as if I'm venting to an online forum. I simply want to explain how I see it in order to get some direction of where to go. Anytime I bring up how I feel about the way she treats our relationship, she quickly changes the subject or gets out her phone/tablet and gets on facebook. She's gotta stretch this thing out till grad school is done *I don't get mad at her*, Please do get mad at the situation and do something about it. s*imply frustrated* Beta Beta Beta at *her lack of care for the situation.* Yep, she does not care We were both raised in active christian families, and we (I) believe that divorce is the absolute last resort. I love her and I love my son. But how are we supposed to live together in harmony and raise a child in a loving home if there are clearly some emotional issues between us? I feel like I'm putting into this relationship a whole lot more than what I'm getting back. If anyone can give some advice, please, I would greatly appreciate it.


Dishonest? Yup, she was dishonest on your wedding day. Her words and action since have confirmed that she does not love you. Does it matter what she meant by saying sex with you is dishonest?

Right now you and your wife are living in parallel universes. You have an illusion that she feels like you do. She doesn't. 

I believe you need to start preparing for what is to come. There's probably a lot more but for starters:
- DNA test you son
- 180 for you
- IC Individual counseling for you
- Separate finances
- File for divorce

These are the steps right before last resort. You will either wake her up to improve the marriage or be in a great place to move on. If you are a Christian, get close to God and build the rest of your life.

~ Passio


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

12psion91 said:


> After talking with a friend who directed me to this site, I think I'm going to see what the more experienced have done in similar situations. My wife and I have been married now for about 3 1/2 years. During the first year, we went through some trials (who doesn't?) She admitted to me that she made a mistake marrying me as she was still hung up on a past boyfriend. We tried to work through it, but after a year and a half, we both decided to call it quits. But lo and behold, it turned out she was pregnant. So, we stuck together, now have a beautiful baby boy, and things got allot better. I thought it would just keep improving, but there were little things that just kept happening that kept throwing doubt in my mind time after time. It mostly has to do with intimacy and showing affection. I have always believed that if two people have a genuine love for one another, there should be no problems showing it by touch, words, and acts of kindness. This is how I show her that I love her. But I get none of that in return. She is in grad school right now, so I do most of the cooking, cleaning and looking after our son. I don't really mind, because I'm a tad picky when it comes to organization and the food I eat. But I get more criticism than praise for what I do. As far as affection goes, anytime I hug her, she stands there with her arms at her side until she pushes me to get me to stop. Kissing rarely happens. She says its because she doesn't like my facial hair, but nothing changes if I shave. Sex happens maybe once a month, twice if I'm lucky, and it is never instigated by her. In fact, her reactions to sex are about the same to hugs: arms at her side, emotionless, and then pushes me off as soon as its over. I don't mean to sound as if I'm venting to an online forum. I simply want to explain how I see it in order to get some direction of where to go. Anytime I bring up how I feel about the way she treats our relationship, she quickly changes the subject or gets out her phone/tablet and gets on facebook. I don't get mad at her, simply frustrated at her lack of care for the situation. We were both raised in active christian families, and we (I) believe that divorce is the absolute last resort. I love her and I love my son. But how are we supposed to live together in harmony and raise a child in a loving home if there are clearly some emotional issues between us? I feel like I'm putting into this relationship a whole lot more than what I'm getting back. If anyone can give some advice, please, I would greatly appreciate it.


12psion91 you can't make her love you the way you want her to. If she doesn't want a hug then don't hug her. That generally means it's time to let her go because she's not into the relationship and you can't force her to be. I know the advice your probably hoping for. Some magic words that help you understand how to make her love you. I'm sorry but you really only have control of yourself.

By the way I don't think marriage counseling will help or is even a good idea unless she comes up with the idea as a way to keep you.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Stop letting her dictate what you'll put up with. Its not your fault she didn't get the life she wants, it hers. Don't let that happen to you

Here, use these links. 

At least they will show you how you should be acting...

180 List - No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

BTW, did you throw her out of your bed, after she slapped you and said those things?


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## JWTBL (May 28, 2014)

It sounds like your wife's feelings for you are not going to change, no matter how much you wish them to. Sometimes people get married for the wrong reasons, and the two of you shouldn't feel guilty that you made a mistake. Get a lawyer and insist on shared custody - if you were your kid, would you want to be brought up in a house where one of the parents couldn't stand living with the other one? I experienced that growing up and it was very stressful. And it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. We should all be allowed to find our contentment, and from what I read, you two will not find it with each other.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

DNA your kid.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I'm not sure why you would even consider staying with her.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

12psion91 said:


> Thanks to everyone who replied, I know its been a while since I was on here (forgot password lol). Since I originally posted, I have tried to talk things out and get my wife to tell me how she feels. Turns out getting her to talk about her feelings is next to impossible. However, she did admit to not being in love with me. ("I love you, but I have never been in love with you", whatever that means.) She agreed to counseling, but never could commit to a solid appointment date. She said it is just too weird for her, talking to a stranger about our relationship. We tried being more intimate. But that was a bad idea. There were more fights and hurt feelings than anything else. More recently, I took it upon myself to try a different approach while initiating sex, and all i succeeded in doing was getting myself slapped in the face. That incidently led to her telling me two things: 1, having sex with me makes her sick to her stomach. 2, she feels dishonest when we have sex. The first one makes ME sick to my stomach and gives me the urge to just up and leave. However the second really leaves me baffled. Dishonest? What? How? Why? Is she cheating on me? Does she feel loyalty to someone else?? So this was just a few days ago, and we havnt really spoken about anything that was said. I am having a REALLY hard time not leaving. The only thing that is keeping me there is my son. I honestly dont know what to do with this situation. I dont know who to talk to about it.


Dude. GET OUT. YESTERDAY. What the hell. What a disgusting thing for someone to say to their spouse. File for divorce and joint custody of your son, who you are doing NO favors by staying with this hateful woman. He deserves HAPPY parents, and CLEARLY, that is not the two of you together. Snap of of it, and get moving forward with ending this insult.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

She feels disconnected because when you are having sex with you she is shutting down her emotions. She doesn’t want the intimate feeling with you. She views it as a task and nothing more. 

Either she is still hung up on the old boyfriend or someone new has come along. She could very well have married you because you were a “safe bet” a good provider, nice guy. MC probably is just money wasted at this point because she has no interest in working on any relationship. You cant convince or help someone who just refuses no matter how many angles you try. 

If you are only staying for your son that is the wrong reason. You both are unhappy with the situation and this isn’t a way to raise a child. I also don’t disagree with other posters that maybe you should have the child dna checked.

You mentioned in your earlier post that whenever you tried talking to her she would just divert her attention to facebook. Have you done any investigating into who she is actually talking to on facebook or checked her phone records? 

The longer this goes on the worse your situation will become and you know that. What you have done hasn’t worked. I would really consider seeing a lawyer and talking about divorce and finding out your options. Until the dynamic changes she will not change and it really sounds like she is just buying time waiting for something better to come along.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

She doesn't want to cheat on the OM.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

No one acts like that unless they are in love with someone else, and possibly gave birth to someone else's son.

No one also deserves to be treated like that. Have a little more dignity. It's time you show her the door.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

12psion91 said:


> I have always believed that if two people have a genuine love for one another, there should be no problems showing it by touch, words, and acts of kindness. This is how I show her that I love her. But I get none of that in return.


Ahhh... but herein lies the crux of your problem. She has told you her heart is elsewhere. She should have stayed with her previous boyfriend.

You can't "manufacture" feelings if they aren't there. I don't think she's feeling it... Your description of sex with her sounds horrid for you.



> But how are we supposed to live together in harmony and raise a child in a loving home if there are clearly some emotional issues between us?


You aren't. I can attest to the fact that making love (in her case, having duty sex) with someone who you aren't "in to" can make your flesh crawl. She is demonstrating this. Is THIS what you want out of a marriage? And staying together "for your son" will teach him what an UNHEALTHY marriage looks like. Is this what you want to model for him -- to have him grow up and repeat your pattern? Because that's what happens.

Sorry to sound harsh, but it's time to pull the plug on this one. Send her packing back to the boyfriend. She is not in love with you.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So what it comes down to is that you don't have a marriage. Might as well end the farce now. At least then, you'll have a chance of showing your son what a proper marriage should be, when you find a partner who DOES love you. As it is, you're setting him up to repeat your mistakes. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> She didnt want to be with him, so WHY would she get pregnant on purpose to keep him around? :scratchhead: Personally I question whether he is really the dad or not. 12, has your child been DNA tested?



Who's paying for grad school ???


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## 12psion91 (Mar 19, 2014)

PBear said:


> So what it comes down to is that you don't have a marriage. Might as well end the farce now. At least then, you'll have a chance of showing your son what a proper marriage should be, when you find a partner who DOES love you. As it is, you're setting him up to repeat your mistakes.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Honestly, I never thought of it like that. I've always heard that kids with separated parents end up with all sorts of emotional issues. But this definately opens my mind


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## 12psion91 (Mar 19, 2014)

john117 said:


> Who's paying for grad school ???


She is. I was already wary enough from past issues that I stayed off all loans. In fact, we have had separate finances from the start.


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## 12psion91 (Mar 19, 2014)

naiveonedave said:


> She doesn't want to cheat on the OM.


The OM?


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## 12psion91 (Mar 19, 2014)

honcho said:


> She feels disconnected because when you are having sex with you she is shutting down her emotions. She doesn’t want the intimate feeling with you. She views it as a task and nothing more.
> 
> Either she is still hung up on the old boyfriend or someone new has come along. She could very well have married you because you were a “safe bet” a good provider, nice guy. MC probably is just money wasted at this point because she has no interest in working on any relationship. You cant convince or help someone who just refuses no matter how many angles you try.
> 
> ...


You really hit it right on the head here. As far as facebook goes, she keeps in contact with lots of friends that she spent lots of time with before we met. Her 2 best friends from high school are both guys and she talks to them quite often. I dont feel threatened by them, as it was a different guy she was hung up on. However, she is a completely different person whenever she is around her high school friends. . .


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

12psion91 said:


> The OM?


OM = Other Man


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> She said she made a mistake in marrying you, and she still feels the same way. Only now she feels trapped, and is unwilling to make an effort to improve things - instead, she's quietly sabotaging any possibility of making things better. Yes, MC may help, but may only bring these things into the open, in which case you may have to decide if you can both live with a loveless marriage, or end it in hopes of finding someone who does love you.


:iagree: 


What was she like sexually and with affection before you married her and before she told you that she made a mistake?

You said that for your, divorce is that last resort. But in this case I think it might want to give her the option. One thing you might want to try is to tell her that you love her and want a marriage with her. But due to her actions you think that that she still feels that she made a mistake and probably now feels trapped. So you are willing to let her choose to leave. Also tell her that if she chooses to stay it has to be out of love and desire. That if she stays she has to got to MC with you and fix the lack of intimacy and affection in your marriage. Set her free and see what she choses.

There is a chance that she will leave. But I think that once the pressure to stay is lifted, she might very well chose to stay for all the right reasons.


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## cuchulain36 (Jul 8, 2014)

Counterfit said:


> You don't seriously believe her pregnancy was an "accident" do you? :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> Please ask yourself this question - what is the probability of her "accidentally" becoming pregnant just before your marriage was about to end while she never became pregnant during all of the time you have been previously having sex (many months, many years)?
> 
> ...


As awful as this is to admit I believe it's true, I'm kind of a victim of the same thing I think.

For me the sex once a month I get is all I need to know that my wife just isn't into me. 

But in this case she straight up said she made a mistake marrying the OP, I would just move on, you can't make a woman who doesn't like you intimately stay with you or love you. But my life is a bit of a mess right now so take any advice I just gave with a giant grain of salt.


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