# Sex is ruining me!



## Isitoveryet (Feb 15, 2013)

To start with some history I lost my virginity at 15. From then on I can honestly say not a single day went by that I didn't have sex with at least one person, usually more, until I entered a relationship with my wife. Every girlfriend I ever had wanted to have a sexual relationship with me, and seemed like they actually wanted to please me, and themselves. When I met my wife we worked together at a restaurant. I was still having sex everyday, and there was a group of girls that really enjoyed having sex with me. My wife was very sexually active then too. Her friends would even speak to me on a regular basis about how it wasn't fair that she had called dibbs on me but she still goes out and has sex with different guys every night. Her sex life was and is common knowledge. When we got together, though we were very different and our relationship was highly unlikely, we connected so well. We were inseperable. We had a great time everywhere we went and we had lots of sex every night and day. Then she started to change. A few years ago til even more so now she stopped having sex with me. We haven't even slept in the same bed for the past 2 years. We still get along good she just won't have sex with me and isn't attracted to me at all anymore. She treats me more like a brother than a husband. Even though its been a couple of years of torment Im still wired for the same sex life. Anytime I try to talk about it to her she blows it off as me being a typical guy pervert. I obviously love her so much and truley care about her happiness. It's funny, she's the first girl I have never cheated on and she's the first girl that won't have sex with me. It sounds like im lying but I swear it's ruining my life. I can't even function anymore. I have so much stuff I need to do and think about, but all I can think about is our relationship and have been too depressed and unmotivated to get anything done. I constantly have what I would normally consider crazy thoughts. Im always trying to scheme up ways to make her want me again, and always thinking about the negative things like how she was so sexual with every guy before me, or how she won't have sex with me but she would go right back to it if we ever split up. I have all these angry, negative thoughts about the person I love most in the world. I also feel like maybe Im messed up in the head because I had sex every single day sometimes with multiple people for over 10 years. Is that normal or did I just happen to luck out by having girls that actually wanted to do that with me. Even though we're best friends I even suspect she's cheating sometimes. I know it's not her sexdrive, she still gets attracted to other men and would have sex if she wasn't married to me. Im just so sick and tired of being so messed up by this. I don't know if anyone could have any advice for me, but it feels good to finally talk about it, and there's actually so much more to it.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

3,650 days in a row, "usually" multiple partners a day?

Even Wilt Chamberlain didn't make that claim. I'm sorry, I have trouble believing this story.


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

Others will be along with more sage advise for you, but you do not have a wife anymore, you have a roommate. Any kids? Time to man up and get your game back. You obviously had it at one point. What happened?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

This is a life with which I am unfamiliar. Don't even know what to say. If your story is true then you had more sex before you turned 18 than I've had in 20 years of marriage. The logistics of having sex every single day with usually more than one person is mind blowing. Even if I had the opportunity, I don't know how I could possibly manage to do that AND do anything else in my life. I am surprised ... no, SHOCKED ... that you are not slowly dying of an incurable STD. While I would like to be able to provide advice, I guess what I'm saying is that this story seems too incredible to be true.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

If this would be true, then sex had to become a casual habit, compared to scratching your back. But the addiction to this kind of daily habit would destroy your life. So I don't believe it. Why take the trouble typing such a mess?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you been tested for STD's? 

This might help you......
TEDTalks - YouTube

You might want to start by reading the books linked to below for building a passionate marriage.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Paragraphs are your friend. Consider having some...


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## Isitoveryet (Feb 15, 2013)

I thought this was more for advice. I didn't realize this was just for people to bash you or call you a liar. Everything I said is completely true, and as far as my sexual past not only for me but several friends of mine. Ill seek advice elsewhere. Thanks


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Isitoveryet said:


> I thought this was more for advice. I didn't realize this was just for people to bash you or call you a liar. Everything I said is completely true, and as far as my sexual past not only for me but several friends of mine. Ill seek advice elsewhere. Thanks


It is, just some people have trouble wrapping their heads around your situation. Remember, most people who come here are seeking help themselves and most of the time people are here trying to get sex from their spouse (like you) but without the background you have. In many cases, this is a wasteland of lifelong sexually unfulfilled people (not all, but most).

As for your situation, you claim it is not because your wife has lost her sex drive and would have sex with other men if not married. How do you know this?

Also, has she actually given you any reasons why her sex drive has dropped? Has she said it's anything you did or don't do?

A couple of things to consider. Firstly, compare yourself now to yourself back then. You come across as a big time stud back then, one which any women would want. Did you ever think this is what drew your wife to you? Maybe she seen you as some big prize. Problem now is that she has you and she has you all to herself and you are begging for sex pretty much (and understandably so). You've gone from the man any woman would want and had to work to get to a man which only one woman has and who doesn't have to work at all to get you (sexually).

Secondly, just to be safe, rule out an affair. You claim she was very sexual in the past, and she would be again right now if not for you. Her sexual past sounds like yours, but you are also still 'wired' to get some on a regular basis. How do you know she's not still wired the same way and is trying to (or is) getting it elsewhere? I mean, she's not coming to you.

I'd check e-mail, text messages, get a GPS tracker and voice recording device for the car. I'm not saying she is cheating, and odds are she isn't cheating. But it's good to rule things out as well.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Isitoveryet said:


> I thought this was more for advice. I didn't realize this was just for people to bash you or call you a liar. Everything I said is completely true, and as far as my sexual past not only for me but several friends of mine. Ill seek advice elsewhere. Thanks


You cannot control how others respond to you. There will always be people who think a story like yours is too far out to be true. 99.9% of the male population cannot find sex partners so easily so most would find the story to be way out there. But so what. Why would that drive you away?

If you keep posting you will get more advice. I gave you advice. But now you run off so easily?


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> 3,650 days in a row, "usually" multiple partners a day?
> 
> Even Wilt Chamberlain didn't make that claim. I'm sorry, I have trouble believing this story.


Dear Penthouse forum....... LOL


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## Isitoveryet (Feb 15, 2013)

Yeah, Im sorry I didn't take the criticism so well. I'm just not use to talking to people about things like this, thanks for the advice. 

After reading my first post I realize it sounded like I had sex with alot of people but it was actually just about 5 girls, repeatedly.
My wife and I have had so much fun together in the past couple of days and have been so close but still no sexual intimacy. We even cuddled alot and rubbed on each other but a pop kiss is as far as she lets it go.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

Have you asked her why she has changed? What is her explanation or excuses for refusing you?

I wonder if its because sex is only exciting for her when its in the "new" stage. Shes has lost the physical attraction because she knows you too well. You are like her best friend and big brother rolled in one. If I were you, I would look into getting some counseling from a sex therapist - for both of you. 

You also may want to consider backing away - doing the "dialing down the thermastat" technigue that is often talked about here. Basically (from what I understand) that means pulling back emotionally and physically from her, stop chasing her, and start working on yourself more than the relationship. Make her wonder about you, let her chase you, make yourself less available.
Shake things up! What do you have to loose?

Anyways - my thoughts for what they are worth! I would definitely get the counseling though!!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Isitoveryet said:


> Yeah, Im sorry I didn't take the criticism so well. I'm just not use to talking to people about things like this, thanks for the advice.
> 
> After reading my first post I realize it sounded like I had sex with alot of people but it was actually just about 5 girls, repeatedly.
> 
> My wife and I have had so much fun together in the past couple of days and have been so close but still no sexual intimacy. We even cuddled alot and rubbed on each other but a pop kiss is as far as she lets it go.


Yes it did sound like you had sex with dozens, if not hundreds, of 'girls'.

How often do you spend time like that with your wife? That's what both of you need. It would take a while to get her feeling like having sex with you again but that's who you do it. You spend time with her, get her used to you touching her, you laugh and talk with her.

Get the book "His Needs, Her Needs" and read it. There are things about marriage that you need to learn.. .and about women.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You say that you think she might be cheating. Have you snooped around? I find it highly unlikely that a high desire woman with a history of multiple partners would just suddenly go celibate for two years. Start checking her phone, phone records, email, get a key logger, etc. 
I'm sorry. I had quite the active sex life before I met my h and when he starts to not want it more than once a week I get really out of sorts. It's hard to go through. 
I believe you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Could be the bait and switch. Lots of sex before you get married, every day and night and after you get married, suddenly trickles down to almost nothing and then nothing.


She could be too comfy in the marriage.


She could be seeing someone else.


Have you let yourself go and need to lose a lot of weight and she doesn't find you hot anymore?


Most women don't like a guy that's been around the block so many times. It's a turn off and they don't feel like they're special.


I know that if I had been with many women and I told my wife, would she of married me? Probably not. Gross in her mind. Would I of married my wife if she told me she's been with numerous guys, probably not. Major turn off. I don't expect anyone to be a virgin, but not around the block too many times....


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

I should have asked these questions before posting anything.

Is she on birthcontrol pills? Did something change before she started rejecting you sexually - like health changes, medication changes, something happen to a friend or family member? Does she suffer from depression or on any depression medications?

Did you change - like put on weight, lose your job, become more needy and smothering?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Clearly she is cheating on you with someone she wants to remain faithful to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

mary35 said:


> I should have asked these questions before posting anything.
> 
> Is she on birthcontrol pills? Did something change before she started rejecting you sexually - like health changes, medication changes, something happen to a friend or family member? Does she suffer from depression or on any depression medications?
> 
> Did you change - like put on weight, lose your job, become more needy and smothering?



Great questions!! :iagree:


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

I had a similar issue years ago and read free articles from Calle Zorro. Now I can turn my wifes sex drive on and off like a switch at times. 

When I get lazy and have to make up ground I just reengage my game and within a few days voila, we are back on track. Pretty awesome to know how she is wired and where her swiches are.

Prior to that, I was quite ignorant about my wifes needs and what the problem was. 

Good luck


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

YupItsMe said:


> I had a similar issue years ago and read free articles from Calle Zorro. Now I can turn my wifes sex drive on and off like a switch at times.
> 
> When I get lazy and have to make up ground I just reengage my game and within a few days voila, we are back on track. Pretty awesome to know how she is wired and where her swiches are.
> 
> ...



Please show links to these free articles.


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## srvmatrix (Feb 1, 2013)

YupItsMe said:


> I had a similar issue years ago and read free articles from Calle Zorro. Now I can turn my wifes sex drive on and off like a switch at times.
> 
> When I get lazy and have to make up ground I just reengage my game and within a few days voila, we are back on track. Pretty awesome to know how she is wired and where her swiches are.
> 
> ...


So cool !!, much appreciate if you could give the link too


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> Please show links to these free articles.


Just google Calle Zorro. Articlebase and ezinearticles will pop up bunches of them. I was shocked and cured within days. Pretty awesome after effing up our marriage a good bit by being an idiot without a manual for my wife. LOL. :smthumbup:


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## Isitoveryet (Feb 15, 2013)

We spoke for awhile about it tonight because she was telling me how much she loves me and couldn't imagine her life with anyone else so I brought it up.

She says that she's had alot of internal discomfort and pain and it really hurt the last few times we did have sex. She then told me that when she went to the doc last mon they told her she needs a lyproscopic procedure to remove endometriosis. Im not sure if my spelling is correct on those.

I really feel terrible for her, but hope she's being honest about that being the reason for our lack of sex. Im not very educated yet on her condition but am researching it. She claims that not only does she feel pain and discomfort but that it takes any kind of sexual desire away too. She says thats why she hasn't even wanted to make out or anything, but that she will work on that. 

Now I feel so bad for thinking all the thoughts I did and being so concerned and at times angry. I love her so much and the thought of something being wrong with her breaks my heart worse than if she were cheating on me.


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

A lot of people have asked you a lot of reasonable questions, but you don't seem to want to answer them. Why is that ?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes endometriosis can be very painful. You both should read up on it and learn as much as you can about it.

How long has she known about this? You need to also ask her why she did not tell you before now. This is something that she needs to share with you. 

If you can go to at least on doc appointment with her and talk to her doctor as you need to know as much as possible about her situation.

It's good that you finally talked.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

My only question is, why did she take this long to tell you she was having pain from sex?


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

StargateFan said:


> A lot of people have asked you a lot of reasonable questions, but you don't seem to want to answer them. Why is that ?


You don't expect an answer do you?


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## Jeradsjunk (Sep 15, 2012)

You need to get back into your bed. Also look for a MC to work on communication issues.


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