# Orgasm Question for the Ladies



## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Would you have sex more often with your husband if you did not feel pressured to orgasm? I LOVE giving my wife an orgasm orally or during sex. She usually orgasms easily, often before I do. But in reading "The Married Man Sex Life Primer" I learned that men should be OK with having sex if their wife does not want an orgasm occasionally. So I asked my wife about it. She said that there are times she is just too tired or in pain (she has chronic pain) to try to orgasm and she is fine with me going ahead. She said that she would have sex more often if she did not feel pressured to orgasm. So I am going to try it, even though it turns me on to turn her on.

So I am curious how the rest of you ladies feel about that?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sometimes i don't orgasm and it makes no difference to me. My husband knows that.

I don't have sex for the orgasm...I have sex to love my husband and feel close to him


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Not every woman orgasms everytime through intercourse. Also, some women can only orgaasm through masturbation/clitoral stimulation. Some women have never had an orgasm. My advice: just go with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

I don't feel pressure to do anything during sex. If I did I definitely wouldn't enjoy it as much or as often. That said, my husband still apologizes profusely if I don't have an orgasm every time, which I hate. Like I tell him, if I really want to orgasm I can take control of the situation too, it's not like he ever tells me no if I suggest a position or something to make sure I do.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I'mAllIn, that sounds like us!! Thanks for all of your replies.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I agree with I'mAllIn - if I want an O, I will have an O, but on rare occasions, I won't have one (1 out of 10 times I won't, perhaps) and my husband apologizes, which is so unnecessary! He always asks me if he can "do something" for me if he's come and I haven't, so if I choose not to have one, it's usually because I'm happy with what we've done. If I never had an O during sex that would be a real bummer, but I usually have them so it's no biggie if I skip one every once in a while. As That_Girl said, it's more than just getting off. I feel close and connected to my husband when we make love.

However, I do NOT think I avoid sex because I feel pressured to have an O.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

ImAllIn and Laurae1967 I am sure both of you are thankful that your guy cares so much, as is my wife. I guess it is just hard for guys to understand because if it were the other way around, we would be very frustrated. Laurae1967, unlike you, my wife has avoided sex because felt pressured to have an orgasm. So at 56 years old and 39 years of marriage, I CAN learn something new!!!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

romantic_guy said:


> ImAllIn and Laurae1967 I am sure both of you are thankful that your guy cares so much, as is my wife. *I guess it is just hard for guys to understand because if it were the other way around, we would be very frustrated.* Laurae1967, unlike you, my wife has avoided sex because felt pressured to have an orgasm. So at 56 years old and 39 years of marriage, I CAN learn something new!!!


Well, I guess there's a reason we're called "opposite" sexes, eh? 

Many men seem to be very action and outcome oriented - problem solvers, if you will. Ensuring she always has an orgasm must mean the experience was great, right? You can still have great, intimate sex without an O, and you can have an O and not have such great, intimate sex.

Don't concentrate on just the particular notes in a favorite stanza of a song, instead concentrate on the whole composition - and a beautiful symphony you may hear.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Don't concentrate on just the particular notes in a favorite stanza of a song, instead concentrate on the whole composition - and a beautiful symphony you may hear.


Great analogy, Enchantment. I am a musician and this really struck a "chord" with me! Did you read that somewhere, or is that yours? I am gonna use that quote!


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## mr.rightaway (Apr 27, 2010)

Quick question. Hypothetically speaking, what if the woman knows that she is basically guaranteed an orgasm every time, duration or style of intercourse not withstanding. No pressure to have it, it just happens as it happens. And what about those times where you might say you want to stop, but the two of you keep going because the build-up is always enjoyable, and, sure enough, you end up having an orgasm even though you thought you wouldn't? 

So, if the concert is always produces a standing ovation, you still might choose not to have an encore?


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

mr.rightaway said:


> Quick question. Hypothetically speaking, what if the woman knows that she is basically guaranteed an orgasm every time, duration or style of intercourse not withstanding. No pressure to have it, it just happens as it happens. And what about those times where you might say you want to stop, but the two of you keep going because the build-up is always enjoyable, and, sure enough, you end up having an orgasm even though you thought you wouldn't?
> 
> So, if the concert is always produces a standing ovation, you still might choose not to have an encore?


Ummm, nope, when we're "on" and the Os are happening I'll stay for as many "encores" as The Man can play.


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## Phantomwriter (Nov 29, 2011)

Wow! I never thought of that...that a woman might not want to have sex because she doesn't feel like having an orgasm, and as a man, that is the desired goal.


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## mr.rightaway (Apr 27, 2010)

I'mAllIn said:


> Ummm, nope, when we're "on" and the Os are happening I'll stay for as many "encores" as The Man can play.


Then only giving her an orgasm 9 of 10 times instead of going 10 for 10 _is_ the man's fault?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I will say, that sometimes orgasms hurt me because of my female condition. The contracting just makes my uterus ache because of my endometriosis. So, I often opt out and Hubs understands.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

The other thing about my wife is that, although she may not really feel like it or at the beginning really need an orgasm, once we are into it, she often wants it. I think if she felt no pressure to O, it would relax her enough want to O. I read her that section from the "married man sex life" blog. It talks about letting the need to orgasm be the woman's responsibility. Mind you, that does not mean that I should not do what she needs to have one, but that if she says, "Here is my warm p**sy, have fun!" I should do just that. Her response? "Well...that's what I have been trying to tell you for 39 years!" Guess I am a slow learner!!

The other thing about this is that it turns me on so much when she orgasms because of the way she moves her little body and moans...really loudly!! MMMM it is so HOT!! But, hey, if she is willing to let me have some fun, I will!


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## mr.rightaway (Apr 27, 2010)

romantic_guy said:


> The other thing about this is that it turns me on so much when she orgasms because of the way she moves her little body and moans...really loudly!! MMMM it is so HOT!! But, hey, if she is willing to let me have some fun, I will!


It makes you feel like a King! 

But like you say, she needs to get into it before she...gets into it. So how would you ever know that she is saying the same thing about an orgasm. But once she has one, she's okay?

Ugh. Confusing.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

mr.rightaway said:


> It makes you feel like a King!
> 
> But like you say, she needs to get into it before she...gets into it. So how would you ever know that she is saying the same thing about an orgasm. But once she has one, she's okay?
> 
> Ugh. Confusing.


I guess what I mean is that sometimes she seems like she doesn't really care if we have sex or not. She is either tired, in pain (she has chronic pain) or is preoccupied with all the responsibilities that she has. Sex is not even on her radar. But she will go ahead anyway. Once we get started, she starts to get into it, starts to feel something, and has an orgasm. 

I guess I should mention that she is not usually much into foreplay at these times (I am the one who wants foreplay more than she does). It is more like we are having a quickie. But that "quickie" can turns into a hot, turned on wife who is soon moaning in pleasure. I just suspect that, if there is no expectation of an orgasm, she will relax and have one anyway even at those times where she says, "You go ahead." This is new for us so we will see.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

that_girl said:


> Sometimes i don't orgasm and it makes no difference to me. My husband knows that.
> 
> I don't have sex for the orgasm...I have sex to love my husband and feel close to him


Same here.


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## misticli (Oct 28, 2011)

Going against the tide here, no, I would not be okay with not having an orgasm. There would never be an issue there though as I can orgasm fairly easily and more than multiple times.

As long as you think your wife is being honest do what works for you both.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

mr.rightaway said:


> Then only giving her an orgasm 9 of 10 times instead of going 10 for 10 _is_ the man's fault?


NO I was being silly! I understood the question to be if the sex was great and the first O was easy, would you still so no to continuing on in the hopes of another. The silly answer was no, I'd ride that ride until the amusement park shut down for the night. In all reality one or the other of us would finally just be too exhausted to continue, and there's as much chance it would be me as him. 

And just to be completely clear, if The Man gives me 9 orgasms, I won't fault him for missing #10, I'll get my @ss up and make him breakfast!


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## mr.rightaway (Apr 27, 2010)

I'mAllIn said:


> I understood the question to be if the sex was great and the first O was easy, would you still so no to continuing on in the hopes of another.


I am wondering in the case that the sex is great but she's having trouble with the first orgasm. Some on this thread seem to say they wouldn't mind stopping before the orgasm. However, since the sex is great, if you were to give it time and kept trying, in my of course hypothetical situation where she's guaranteed to have one...so she _wants_ to stop...because why?



romantic_guy said:


> I guess what I mean is that sometimes she seems like she doesn't really care if we have sex or not.
> 
> Sex is not even on her radar. But she will go ahead anyway. Once we get started, she starts to get into it, starts to feel something, and has an orgasm.


That's kind of the thing about her not wanting an orgasm that sort of puts me off. It seems more that she is saying she just doesn't want sex anymore but does it for you?


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

mr.rightaway said:


> That's kind of the thing about her not wanting an orgasm that sort of puts me off. It seems more that she is saying she just doesn't want sex anymore but does it for you?


Maybe a bit of clarification: Sometimes she is preoccupied with responsibilities and she is not even thinking about sex. So it can seem that she is doing it just to do it, not because she is wildly horny. But what starts (sometimes) as a not so enthusiastic attitude, becomes wildly horny. The transformation can be amazing. There are times she is wildly horny, just not every day like I am. Her not having an orgasm is extremely rare, but I think that there are times where she will say, "I just don't have the energy, but you enjoy yourself and it will be enough for me to be close." To this point I have not really given her the option. It has been like, either you orgasm or we don't need to have sex. I was OK with that (it does not happen often) but I could be having more if I took her at her word and just went for it for me.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

mr.rightaway said:


> I am wondering in the case that the sex is great but she's having trouble with the first orgasm. Some on this thread seem to say they wouldn't mind stopping before the orgasm. However, since the sex is great, if you were to give it time and kept trying, in my of course hypothetical situation where she's guaranteed to have one...so she _wants_ to stop...because why?
> 
> That's kind of the thing about her not wanting an orgasm that sort of puts me off. It seems more that she is saying she just doesn't want sex anymore but does it for you?


wonders how sex can be great without orgasm :scratchhead: 

i like to multi orgasm, i think i suffer premature orgasm, i can orgasm from clit alone or vaginal/gspot alone, but when both i can orgasm within sixty seconds, totally intense :smthumbup:

i can't ever imagine saying oh just use my body i'll read a book whilst you are at it :rofl:


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

mr.rightaway said:


> I am wondering in the case that the sex is great but she's having trouble with the first orgasm. Some on this thread seem to say they wouldn't mind stopping before the orgasm. However, since the sex is great, if you were to give it time and kept trying, in my of course hypothetical situation where she's guaranteed to have one...so she _wants_ to stop...because why?


This does not happen often, but if her shoulder and neck muscles are in spasm having an orgasm can make it worse. So she will say (after trying) you just go ahead. So the vast majority of the time she has one.



cloudwithleggs said:


> wonders how sex can be great without orgasm :scratchhead:
> 
> i like to multi orgasm, i think i suffer premature orgasm, i can orgasm from clit alone or vaginal/gspot alone, but when both i can orgasm within sixty seconds, totally intense :smthumbup:
> 
> i can't ever imagine saying oh just use my body i'll read a book whilst you are at it :rofl:


For her, the closeness and her meeting my needs can be enough. Actually, my wife orgasms easily. She is most often done before I am. When she gets on top and I kiss suck her perfect little tits...BAM!! In about 5 minutes!! :smthumbup:


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I don't need an orgasm every time we have sex. I can only vaginally orgasm when I'm on top. Sometimes, I just like to f*ed really hard in missionary. I don't orgasm, but it still feels sensational. I don't feel pressured to orgasm at all, either, so that helps.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Well, I guess there's a reason we're called "opposite" sexes, eh?
> 
> Many men seem to be very action and outcome oriented - problem solvers, if you will. Ensuring she always has an orgasm must mean the experience was great, right? You can still have great, intimate sex without an O, and you can have an O and not have such great, intimate sex.
> 
> Don't concentrate on just the particular notes in a favorite stanza of a song, instead concentrate on the whole composition - and a beautiful symphony you may hear.


Enchantment...well said!! :iagree:


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## thunder65 (May 28, 2011)

I was just going to bring this up about the w. She will only particapte w/ the big 'O' 2 out 9 times it sems like the last couple of months. When she doese't have the big 'O' she just lays there until I have my orgasm in her. I feel this is being lazy. Any inputs out from either sex.

Thanks,
thunder65


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## mr.rightaway (Apr 27, 2010)

thunder65 said:


> I was just going to bring this up about the w. She will only particapte w/ the big 'O' 2 out 9 times it sems like the last couple of months. When she doese't have the big 'O' she just lays there until I have my orgasm in her. I feel this is being lazy. Any inputs out from either sex.
> 
> Thanks,
> thunder65


I agree. If you are willing to put in the work, and enjoy doing so, and she basically shrugs the whole thing, then what's the point? I'm already the master of my own domain. Her orgasm is part of the deal.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am a woman who has ALWAYS wanted that orgasm!! I am just like a man in this sense. 

There was only ONE time frame in our marrage that I didn't care, and that was just "some of the times" ...when I couldn't conceive after yrs & yrs of trying , I was SO FOCUSED on getting his sperm & it doing it's magic, my pleasure took a backseat. This was a hard time on my husband as he cared so much about giving me pleasure & my mind was elsewhere. 

Outside of infertility - he would get me so hot & ready with forplay - then I would climb on top , he was always on the verge of explosion so we had to go soooo slow, those times he couldn't hold it back .... I would get a little mad issed: -as I NEEDED that !! I was on the verge, panting for it ... I'd tell him --you are going to do this again ! ha ha Of coarse - he never minded this- as he was happy to get it up again..... he could do that back then! 


Now days, not the case, he is extra careful to let me get mine --it is very very rare, maybe twice a year, he goes before me, he is a master at holding out. 

Sex is just too much fun, we both agree, we want that orgasm every single time.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What do you mean "not willing?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Not all women can have multiples. After an orgasm my wife's clit is far to sensitive for any stimulation. So I will usually give her one orally, we will kiss and she will caress my spots and maybe give me a bit of oral for a half hour or so, then she can go again.


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## LoveMeTruly (Dec 13, 2011)

I think my husband would enjoy sex more if HE didn't feel the pressure to make me orgasm, lol. If I don't orgasm, he feels he has disappointed me, no matter how many times I tell him that's not true. For me sex is about feeling desired and being close to my husband. If he were happy but didn't orgasm, I wouldn't question it (though if he doesn't orgasm, he's usually upset about something, so... thus that disclaimer!).


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

We used to try to get her to climax and could do it successfully about 1/3 of the time. Last two years her drive has gone way down. So she doesn't even want to try anymore.

But my wife is a saint. She says I should go ahead and use her however I want. There is a handful of fantasy acting routines we do periodically. That makes it more fun for both of us. 

My wife responds very well to back rubs and massages tho. So we each get something good.


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## LoveMeTruly (Dec 13, 2011)

I Know said:


> We used to try to get her to climax and could do it successfully about 1/3 of the time. Last two years her drive has gone way down. So she doesn't even want to try anymore.
> 
> But my wife is a saint. She says I should go ahead and use her however I want. There is a handful of fantasy acting routines we do periodically. That makes it more fun for both of us.
> 
> *My wife responds very well to back rubs and massages tho. So we each get something good.*


:iagree: I had to  when I read this because after a long day, sometimes that's the 'exchange rate' for my husband and I (which has probably ruined my chances at other things, sadly). I've give him oral affections in exchange for a back rub. Not quite equal, but sometimes what you need isn't on the same level. 

I also love hearing you have fantasy acting. I think it's really an interesting concept and wonder if I'll ever be brave enough to try it one day?


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## ryansdad (Dec 3, 2011)

Men are generally goal driven and women are generally process driven. This is also true during lovemaking. I agree that if my wife just laid there, not into it like it was a chore, I would rather not have sex. My wife can only come vaginally once she has been brought to orgasm clitorally. Therefore it takes her a lot longer. There are other factors for a woman than a man. Based on what my wife has told me, where I would be mad and my b***s would hurt if I had sex and not climax, it isn't like that for her. My wife has an orgasm 90% of the time we make love, but there are times she says I just want to feel you and take care of you. And that's perfectly o.k also. I know if I made her think it was my ultimate goal to make her come and she felt like I was waiting for it, then that expectation alone would make it harder for her to climax and take a lot longer and would not be as good. But when she grabs me in the kitchen and bends over the island and says f**k me cause I just want to feel you inside me or we have a quickie, she is always into it. I have never felt like she was just "servicing" me or just laying there. And she knows if it starts out as a quickie and she decides she wants to come, then she says I want you to go down on me and that's awesome as well. A guy will want to have an orgasm if the sky is falling any time of the month. But if a woman is stressed about work or tired or whatever, then it can be harder for them to orgasm. I had asked my wife the same thing in the past. Well why wouldn't you want to come? And she said that for me I can enjoy sex with or without an orgasm Her answer made a lot of sense to me because like I said 9 out of 10 times, I do take care of her. But before she explained it to me, it was kind of a blow to my ego when she wanted a quickie because I didn't understand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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