# I just lost in court...



## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

I thought the person making more money is supposed to help the person making less money after a divorce?

My wife makes way more money than I do and the judge denied my request for child and spousal support.

We were married 15 years. We have joint custody of our daughter.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Who has primary custody?


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

Neither/both. It's 50/50.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Yea, its 50/50 so you both share the burden equally. That's why no child support.


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

It's not an equal burden if one parent makes significantly more than the other.


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

Because I have health issues that limit my ability to work. I also was a stay-at-home dad during the marriage. Even so, I have seen documentation stating that the parent making more money generally helps the parent making less money, even with 50/50 custody.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> My wife makes way more money than I do and the judge denied my request for child and spousal support.


Generally if she's making significantly more income than you, she should be paying some amount of offset CS...but it depends on what the start points are for salary and it depends on what delta is between what she makes and you make.



> Even so, I have seen documentation stating that the parent making more money generally *helps* the parent making less money


I totally disagree that she should be paying you alimony unless you have a chronic documented health condition...and you can show that there is no job that you can get to work around your health condition. Your ex wife shouldn't have the responsibility to financially support you...you are getting divorced...your marriage contract is over and that ends her financial obligation to you.

However, there's no doubt that if you were a woman on this forum there would be a gang of SAHPs and their sympathizers who would be whining along with you and coddling you and telling you that you deserve alimony. But you have to be female to get that...for men its "put on your big boy pants"....LOL.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

User Name said:


> Because I have health issues that limit my ability to work. I also was a stay-at-home dad during the marriage. Even so, I have seen documentation stating that the parent making more money generally helps the parent making less money, even with 50/50 custody.


It appears the court did not agree with your assessment. And note that little caveat in your own statement - "...generally helps..."
For whatever reason, and we don't know the specifics that the judge was making the decision on, it seems your case falls outside the "generally helps" category. Another judge, another state for the same situation, maybe the decision would go the other way but that is water under the bridge now. You had your day in court.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

The fact of the matter is that you're a man. So even if you had primary custody, you probably wouldn't be given the same difference that a woman would be in same situation.

Equality only flies when its of benefit to the minority.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

User Name said:


> I thought the person making more money is supposed to help the person making less money after a divorce?
> 
> My wife makes way more money than I do and the judge denied my request for child and spousal support.
> 
> We were married 15 years. We have joint custody of our daughter.


You got this partially correct.

The (male) person making more money will be ordered by almost all courts to help the (female) person making less money after a divorce.

Because equality.

Sorry you found out about the family court system the hard way.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I do think there would be more sympathy for a woman but I wouldn't agree with that either. Spousal support is to help one get back on their feet, and you have a job. It's not her job to support you because you have health issues. Spousal support for health issues equates to lifetime alimony and men scream bloody murder over lifetime alimony. For the record I do not support lifetime alimony.

What if she loses her job? Are you still entitled to be supported? If you can't work apply for disability.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

brooklynAnn said:


> Yea, its 50/50 so you both share the burden equally. That's why no child support.


Not in NYS.. 

It depends on the state you are in.. 

But when custody is 50/50 the person with the higher salary does pay the other support.. Granted it has to be significantly higher and not 10k or so.. 

Good website for the NYC area.. Divorce: New York | Long Island Divorce & Family Law Attorney | Neil Cahn Law Firm


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

User Name said:


> Because I have health issues that limit my ability to work. I also was a stay-at-home dad during the marriage. Even so, I have seen documentation stating that the parent making more money generally helps the parent making less money, even with 50/50 custody.


What health issue? That could be a determining factor.


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

So, the general consensus seems to be this is a gender bias issue (even though the judge was a male).

I think the reason I lost (besides being a male) is because I was not prepared. The court date said "Case Management Conference" and so I thought it was, well, a case management conference. Instead, the judge made his final ruling right on the spot in a matter of minutes. It caught me totally off-guard. I thought we were going to set a trial date and I would have time to present my evidence.

If I can go back to court and present my evidence. _Maybe_ I have a chance to win.


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

True... but I can't afford an attorney. I tried to get one pro bono, but was denied.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> So, the general consensus seems to be this is a gender bias issue (even though the judge was a male).


I don't agree.

We don't have the details of your income difference so its impossible to tell why you "lost." 

Alimony laws are simply changing. Courts are expecting adults to to be adults. Your ex shouldn't have to support you.

The only thing I said is that the reaction from this forum for your situation will be different because you're male.



> I think the reason I lost (besides being a male) is because I was not prepared. The court date said "Case Management Conference" and so I thought it was, well, a case management conference. Instead, the judge made his final ruling right on the spot in a matter of minutes. It caught me totally off-guard. I thought we were going to set a trial date and I would have time to present my evidence.
> 
> If I can go back to court and present my evidence. Maybe I have a chance to win.


I assume he used some data to make this decision. I'm assuming tax records or pay stubs, etc. 

So the question is will your evidence be different in another court action? (And by the way, explanations aren't evidence).

Unless you have some compelling medical evidence...going back will probably be a waste of legal fees.


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

Yes, I will present medical records documenting my health issues.

The judge even said, if you can show me medical records going back like 10 years (which I can), he would consider it.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> The judge even said, if you can show me medical records going back like 10 years (which I can), he would consider it.


This is strange.

Why didn't he stay the decision until you had a chance to present this evidence? Or did he offer you another way to give him the evidence for him to consider before final judgment?


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

Not exactly sure what you are asking? I don't know why he didn't stay the decision (not even sure what that means). He said I could speak to a lawyer (they offer a free 15-minute consultation at the courthouse) and if they felt I had a strong case, that I could come back with medical records going back 10 years.

I still don't understand why he made his final judgement during the case management conference. When I called the court to ask what that was, they said it was just to do a quick assessment and for scheduling.

I think I screwed up by not filing motions for child support and spousal support prior to the case management conference.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

I'm going to "unsubscribe" from this thread before I say something I'll regret...


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

User Name said:


> I think I screwed up by not filing motions for child support and spousal support prior to the case management conference.


I knew there was more to the story.

Save money, get a lawyer and Good luck.


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I knew there was more to the story.


Please elaborate on that.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

pistal said:


> Maybe if you got an attorney you would have a chance.
> 
> Considering what you were looking for in terms of alimony.. to go about this pro se.. well you know what they say about someone who represents themselves.. they've got a fool for a client.
> 
> That's why you lost.


I don't know about that last statement.. My lawyer actually wants me to represent myself and that is even with my Ex-wife having a lawyer.. He feels I am smart enough and confident enough to do this myself and it would look better in front of the judge.. 

But then again the last magistrate on the day she was retiring closed out my case and really didn't give a sh!t because she was retiring and didn't want to leave cases open for someone else..

So I reopened the case that same day..

But I will say you're a bit nasty with the OP, it almost seems like you have something against him or know him somehow..

Men can get paid just like women.. The law is the law.. You should read the link I provided and look at what some judges have done for women just to determine things in their favor.. Luckily the fathers in these cases or the lawyers for the fathers in these cases were smart enough to appeal the cases and got them overturned..

As a matter of fact here we go.. 
Lifetime Maintenance (Alimony) Awarded To Wife Capable of Working | Divorce: New York

Here is a 2nd link.. Parenting Time, Not Legal Custody, Determines Entitlement to Child Support | Divorce: New York

*Here are some key quotes, But the crux of it is basically the judge in an attempt to favor the mother counted total hours with the parents instead of overnights.. *

No matter how well-intentioned court may have been, neither the CSSA, nor Bast v. Rossoff, allows for economic disparity to govern the determination of who is the custodial parent where the custodial time is not equal.

The appellate court also criticized Justice Gesmer’s attempt to equalize the custodial time by focusing on how much “waking, non-school time” the child spends with each parent; i.e. identifying the custodial parent by calculating the number of waking hours he or she spends with the child. Noting that this approach was “soundly rejected” in Somerville v. Somerville, 5 A.D.3d 878, 773 N.Y.S.2d 483 (3rd Dept. 2004), the First Department held:

We reach the same result here and reject the counting of waking hours as a method of determining who is the custodial parent. . . . [W]we believe that the number of overnights, not the number of waking hours, is the most practical and workable approach.

Allowing a parent to receive child support based on the number of daytime hours spent with the child bears no logical relation to the purpose behind child support awards, i.e., to assist a custodial parent in providing the child with shelter, food and clothing. Furthermore, because a child’s activities are subject to constant change, the number of hours spent with each parent becomes a moving target. Outside of school hours, a child may participate in after-school activities, spend time with a child care giver, be enrolled in tutoring, or attend summer camp. During those times, the child may not be with either parent. The child’s activities may vary day to day and will change as the child ages, unnecessarily creating the need to recalculate the parties’ parenting time and possibly modify the custodial parent designation.

--------------------------------------

So judges and magistrates do NOT know everything and do not do things fairly all the time..

I get paid 200 a month and one of my sons lives with me 7 days a week 365.. My Ex wife has not seen, spoke, given a gift or acknowledged anything for our oldest son in over 2 1/2 years.. My other son lives with me 5 days a week which includes the weekends.. So I have my kids EVERY WEEKEND.. My ex has my youngest on Monday and Tuesday and on those days she works he is with me until she comes and gets him.. Which means she gets free daycare from my family.. Mind you I don't give a sh!t because he is my son and my mom cries when he leaves on monday.. But the facts still remain the same, if I didn't have my mom and older brother to watch my kids.. I would have to pay for someone to watch them while I was working.. Especially in the summertime when they are home ALL day while I work.. I thank god my mom is still alive and helping me and my Ex wife at the age of* Eighty fvcking Three years old*.. Yes 83.. She tells me not to worry, she will die in 8 years when my youngest is 18.. Until then she will help me all she can.. 

With all of this my oldest is an A/B student and was invited in his very first year of high school to go on an educational trip to europe. This was based off his grades, attendance and demeanor.. He is one of 5 students picked from the 9th grade to go.. First time they ever invited the 9th grade.. Its gonna cost me 4,000 easy.. The trip alone is 3,100..

Just about every time I go to court they think my Ex wife is the one petitioning for more child support.. Last time the magistrate stated that the judge denied my petition.. I didn't file the petition.. My Ex wife did.. 

So that is how fvcked up the courts can be..

But there is a reason why we have these laws and all these formulas and such.. If it were just as easy of everyone man up so to speak then my Ex wife should man up and work more than 10 hours a week and produce a real hourly rate of more than 40 dollars an hour that hasn't changed since 2012.. Mind you I was with my wife since she started that job 17 years ago.. So I know how much she really works and when she got raises and how he did it.. So women scam just like men..


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> But I will say you're a bit nasty with the OP, it almost seems like you have something against him or know him somehow..


Thank you, Hardtohandle. I noticed that too, but I was trying to be cool about it.



T&T said:


> I'm going to "unsubscribe" from this thread before I say something I'll regret...


I hope it's not something I said?


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Hardtohandle said:


> I don't know about that last statement.. My lawyer actually wants me to represent myself and that is even with my Ex-wife having a lawyer.. He feels I am smart enough and confident enough to do this myself and it would look better in front of the judge..
> 
> But then again the last magistrate on the day she was retiring closed out my case and really didn't give a sh!t because she was retiring and didn't want to leave cases open for someone else..
> 
> ...



God bless your mother.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

In my state there would be 15 years of alimony paid. Half of the difference between their incomes, so as to each get the same amount of total income. His income plus her income, divided by two. That's what each would get. There is no alimony for a marriage less than 10 years, then it is 1:1 for marriages more than 10, with alimony becoming permanent for marriages 20 years or more.

Child support I think is a similar concept with a certain percentage of each person's income being applied, so the higher income person pays child support to the lower income person.

But, all this is in my location. Your judge works under the laws in your area, and applies his biases within the limits of what he is allowed to do. Sorry you got hosed.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

User Name said:


> Please elaborate on that.


Sure. You seemed to know what you expected, but were shocked when it didn't occur. As you kept posting fragments, I expected there to be "more to the story."


User Name said:


> I screwed up by not filing motions for child support and spousal support


Key documents were missing and the judge made his decision accordingly. Now, we can argue gender bias, stats, appeals, other cases, mistakes and "stays," but at the end of the day you "lost" because of incomplete paperwork. Paperwork snafus happens all of the time, from licenses to murders and everything in between. 

Find out how long you have to file those papers and get it done Friday if possible.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

User Name said:


> True... but I can't afford an attorney. I tried to get one pro bono, but was denied.


Did you ask the court to have your attorney fees paid out your community assets? That's what is often done when one party cannot pay. Is there enough in assets to pay an attorney?

What percentage of your joint income do you earn?


This does not sound like a gender bias issue. You were not prepared. The judge does not have time to do your part of the case for you.

It also depends no what state you are in.

I know plenty of women who earn less than their ex who got no alimony.. myself included.

How long have you been working only part time? 

Did they impute your income based on you working full time?

Did you show the court that some proof that you are indeed disabled?


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

> Did you ask the court to have your attorney fees paid out your community assets? Is there enough in assets to pay an attorney?


No, I didn't ask. There's not enough money. I'm assuming a lawyer costs at least $3000-$5000.



> What percentage of your joint income do you earn?


Around 10%.



> How long have you been working only part time?


The entire duration of the marriage. (15 years)



> Did they impute your income based on you working full time?


I don't know. He just asked me how much I make and when I told him he said how do you survive off that? And I said using my savings.



> Did you show the court that some proof that you are indeed disabled?


No. I'm not legally disabled. I just have health issues that limit my ability to work. I mentioned it to him, but he said there's no record of it and to come back with medical records.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

User Name said:


> True... but I can't afford an attorney. I tried to get one pro bono, but was denied.


Since your wife is the breadwinner, you could have probably worked it so she had to pay your legal fees.

Sounds like you were completely unprepared and uncoached in legalese. Health "issues" (feeling bad) do not equate to legal disability.

Sorry, but you need a lawyer. Like yesterday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

I put reimbursement of legal fees in my counterclaim, but the judge didn't even address it.

Chronic Pain is one of my health issues. It's been documented for around the last 10 years. I haven't pursued it legally yet. (I hear it's extremely difficult)

Agreed. I would love to have a lawyer, but unfortunately I can't afford one. I even wrote a grievance letter regarding not getting a pro bono lawyer and still didn't get one.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Im sorry you lost.

Unfortunately, divorce decrees are usually final. No do-overs.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

Really? I know the divorce can't be reversed, but I thought the terms can be appealed and adjusted.

The judge even said to come back with medical records.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

User Name said:


> Really? I know the divorce can't be reversed, but I thought the terms can be appealed and adjusted.
> 
> The judge even said to come back with medical records.


Ok, then good! Without knowing what state you live in (every state is different) we can't possibly know the laws that pertain to your case.

But PLEASE hire a lawyer this time. You representing yourself hasn't worked out too well. Beg, borrow and steal for legal representation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

pistal said:


> Why should your wife support you just because she's more successful in business than you?
> 
> You have your job, she has her job, you share parenting equally.
> 
> ...


Doesn't work that way. Many women after 10 years in a marriage get spousal support from their husbands who make more money. Then exWifey moves in with her new BF and her ex-husband gets to foot the bill. If I was the OP in this case he has a good legal case to get more money.

OP, did you file for spousal support? I hope you had a lawyer. Obviously the legal part of this varies wildly based on state and how you divided marital assets as well.


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

Thanks, jdawg2015. I requested it in my counterclaim, but apparently failed to file a motion for it. Which appears to be, at least in part, why I was denied.

Unfortunately, I did not have a lawyer. Tried to get one pro bono, but was unsuccessful.

All marital assets were divided equally and amicably.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> I do think there would be more sympathy for a woman but I wouldn't agree with that either. Spousal support is to help one get back on their feet, and you have a job. It's not her job to support you because you have health issues. Spousal support for health issues equates to lifetime alimony and men scream bloody murder over lifetime alimony. For the record I do not support lifetime alimony.
> 
> What if she loses her job? Are you still entitled to be supported? If you can't work apply for disability.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had to pay spousal support and my exW had a job. Many states use formulas so often it comes down to working out a settlement. 

In my case I gave up more than 50% of my 401k to get out of years long spousal support.

And legally, in many states, health issues ARE a legal reason to claim spousal support.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

User Name said:


> Thanks, jdawg2015. I requested it in my counterclaim, but apparently failed to file a motion for it. Which appears to be, at least in part, why I was denied.
> 
> Unfortunately, I did not have a lawyer. Tried to get one pro bono, but was unsuccessful.
> 
> All marital assets were divided equally and amicably.


Sorry man, going without a lawyer saved you money on the front end but this is why you are losing on the back-end.

If you divided everything 50/50 then the question is what your state law says about spousal support. Your length of marriage is a big piece of that so seems you got shorted here.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

In most states you would be required to give up 50% of your retirement account anyway (as would your wife) so don't beat yourself up over it.

But you should still speak to an attorney and tell him you think you got the shaft. And the judge told you to file a motion regarding your medical status.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Community property states like New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Idaho don't have permanent alimony and rarely award even rehabilitative alimony despite the fact that it is available. That's why the state your in matters in terms of the advice you can get. 

By now you probably understand that the judge can't take your word for your medical impairment. He needs evidence, as to the type of impairment, the duration and its impact on your ability to work. You need a lawyer. Sorry. 

You say you tried pro bono, does that mean you contacted legal services?


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

It's s probably worth it to get a lawyer and put the retainer fee on a credit card.

You lost because you didn't have your act together.

More than likely, the divorce order can be modified by filing a motion.

So, go put up the $1500 or so for a competent attorney. If what you're telling us is true, *and there is a 90-10 discrepancy in income*, *and you were a stay-at-home parent for the duration of your marriage*, you should be getting child support and spousal support.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Additionally, if you aren't on disability, then claiming you can't work because you have chronic pain won't cut it. 

If you and your former wife agreed that you would be a stay-at-home parent to your children, and she would be the bread-winner, then you should be getting support.

My ex and I agreed to 50/50 co-parenting. She was a stay-at-home mom most of the marriage, and worked part-time occasionally during the school year as an aide. She still got child support and spousal support. Married 15 years.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Borrow from family if you do not have the credit card reserves to retain legal counsel. You need representation fast! The judge has left the door open for you to submit those medical records of yours as well as any other pertinent data that the court sees fit. That is called the "modification" process, but you will need a competent attorney to do that for you!

Regarding pro bono legal representation, a judge is far more inclined to do that for you only in matters of criminal law defense, when there is a very real threat to ones life and liberty being at stake!

With their already huge dockets of cases in inventory, a typical family court judge is going to try to move things along at a pretty fast clip and will exercise anything legally rational to help accomplish those ends. He is also quite cognizant of the fact to never leave any possible "appellate "issues laid upon the table, because by and large, no judge wants to be reversed at the appellate court level because in doing so makes them look like the proverbial judicial dumbass within the legal community in which they reside! Their legal peers and the practicing attorneys that come before them know what kind of a judge they are and know what kind of a case to present before them!

Your presiding judge has summarily left the door open for you! Please go about getting this modified ASAP! And with an attorney this time!

And if it's any consolation, your request for modification is only going to add hours to your wife's legal bills!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

I applied for pro bono through legal aid.

The problem with the 90/10 is that my amount is so low it's negligible. I don't know if that's an issue. I was a stay-at-home parent for around half the marriage. I did not even get to mention that to the judge.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When you are not working, what do you do with your time?

Did you take care of your children? 

Did you do all or most of the housework? Cooking? grocery shopping?

Did you do the yard work? (if you had a yard?)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

User Name said:


> I applied for pro bono through legal aid.
> 
> The problem with the 90/10 is that my amount is so low it's negligible. I don't know if that's an issue. I was a stay-at-home parent for around half the marriage. I did not even get to mention that to the judge.


What did legal aid give for a reason to turn down your request.

Why would your earning 10% of the joint income be an issue in getting legal aid? I'm not following.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How many hours a week do you work at your job?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think that you need to do a few things in parallel.

Like everyone has said, you need to get your case together and get an attorney. If you have to represent yourself, then you need to find out how to do it. There are books available that talk about how to do this. Every state has a good on-life court self-help website.

You need to find out what the court considers proof of a disability and then prepare it in the format that the court requires.

I would think that working on getting disability is crucial. That evidence you gathered for the court on your health will help with getting disability. You can apply for SSI and SSDI. I'm not sure that you would get anything, or much, from SSDI as it is based on your contributions to SS.

For SSI you have to who that you cannot earn at least $700 a month due to your disability. They pay about $690-$700 a month. 

Also look into SNAP (aka food stamps) and other welfare type benefits.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Which half of the marriage did you stay at home? Was your wife on board with that? If she was you can make that case to the judge.

If it was the first half and you worked the second I think it's going to be much harder to make the case you can't work because you are currently working. What is the nature of your disability? Have you applied for disability and if not why not? If so what did they say?

What kind of money does your wife make and what do you make? There's a big difference between your wife making 300,00 a year with you making 30,000 and your wife making 50,000 and you making 5,000. The former is much easier to work with, the later means that your wife doesn't make enough to support both you and her separately. And lots of things could happen, she could lose her job or she could get too sick to work. What will you do then? You can't rely on your ex wife forever, look into disability if you really can't work. 

Lifetime alimony is going away with good reason so you can't rely on your ex wife to support you for the rest of your life.

I'd tell a woman in your position the same thing.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

pistal said:


> Why should your wife support you just because she's more successful in business than you?
> 
> You have your job, she has her job, you share parenting equally.
> 
> ...


Seems like a really bias'd statement to me. Have you ever looked at the numbers on men that pay women spousal support and they are working too. 

C


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

If one person in the partnership works at home (raise the children and take on the domestic duties, etc), that is a benefit to the career and earning power of the outside worker. In the event of a split, I believe the at-home worker should be compensated for that contribution. SAHM or D work is essential and valuable for the whole family. It is not fair to have one person walk away as if the service of the at-home person was valueless. Also. if there are heath problems, isn't the working ex responsible for keeping the health benefits current?

UN I don't know if this is a final decision or if you had a bad lawyer but I don't think it is a fair decision. Has the property settlement been reasonable?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> If one person in the partnership works at home (raise the children and take on the domestic duties, etc), that is a benefit to the career and earning power of the outside worker. In the event of a split, I believe the at-home worker should be compensated for that contribution. SAHM or D work is essential and valuable for the whole family. It is not fair to have one person walk away as if the service of the at-home person was valueless. Also. if there are heath problems, isn't the working ex responsible for keeping the health benefits current?
> 
> UN I don't know if this is a final decision or if you had a bad lawyer but I don't think it is a fair decision. Has the property settlement been reasonable?


He went to court with no lawyer, completely unprepared.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Clay2013 said:


> Seems like a really bias'd statement to me. Have you ever looked at the numbers on men that pay women spousal support and they are working too.
> 
> C


 I am one who believes support and alimony are gender biased in the court system. As bad as they look, the numbers are 
misleading.


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

> When you are not working, what do you do with your time?


Creative projects.



> Did you take care of your child?


Yes.



> Did you do all or most of the housework? Cooking? grocery shopping? Did you do the yard work?


Sometimes, not always. My health limited what I could do.



> What did legal aid give for a reason to turn down your request?


They had too many higher priority requests and not enough lawyers.



> Why would your earning 10% of the joint income be an issue in getting legal aid?


The two are not related. I was answering two separate questions. Sorry for the confusion.



> How many hours do you work at your job?


It varies, around 20-30 hours per month.



> Which half of the marriage did you stay at home? Was your wife on board with that?


The latter part of the marriage. Yes, she was on-board with it.



> What is the nature of your disability?


Chronic pain and mental health.



> Have you applied for disability and if not why not?


Besides the already arduous process, I think my illnesses would be particularly difficult to qualify.



> What kind of money does your wife make and what do you make?


More like 50k/5k.



> If there are heath problems, isn't the working ex responsible for keeping the health benefits current?


Not that I'm aware of, unfortunately.

Right now, I'm in the process of filing an appeal. And will hopefully be way more prepared this time. I'm also trying to apply for public assistance in the interim, but I don't seem to be eligible for some services due to having too much savings, even though my income is very low.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Your ex wife doesn't make enough to support you. You need to apply for disability, my dad did it and they turn down 90% of people on the first try. You need to keep going back. Your kid is going to live in poverty with both of you if she has to support you in a separate household. 

As I asked, what will you do if she loses her job or gets sick herself?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

I saw her financial disclosure form. She can afford to help a little. And that can be the difference of me surviving or not.

My daughter is already living in poverty half the time. It would make more sense to help prevent me from going homeless, by just having her cut some corners in her lifestyle.

I don't have an answer to your question. The waiting list for disability is around two years. I can't wait that long. I'm just trying to get myself out of immediate danger right now and then I can focus on a longer term solution.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Not being legally disabled is why the judge ruled as he did. I'm not sure if you filed for disability before or during your marriage but if so then they didn't believe you and neither did the judge without that documented.


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