# Womans advice maybe?



## thebuilder (Jan 11, 2010)

My wife and I have been going thru some problems latley and im looking for a womans view. I recentley discovered my wife was having an emotiona affair. She told me nothing physical happened and I want to belive her. I belive the problems started between us years ago. She would not meet my physical needs and that made me feel unloved and unwanted. So I inturn was not giving her the support and love she needed. Its like a vishous cycle. To ad to our emotional problems I recentley had back surgery so now we have financial problems. I have told her I want to work things out and be the husban she deserves. I have been doin nice little things for her to show my love. I have opened myself up more to her and been willing to talk. I have seen no responce to any of my gestures. She says she is at a cross roads in her life and is not sure what to do. I have been giving her space but at the same time showing her i love her. I really love my wife and im affraid of loosing her. Is there any advice you can give me as to what I should do? Do I back off and give her time or keep showing her I want this to work?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Here I go again.... You and your wife really need to read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It sounds like you aren't speaking each others love language. The book will help each of you identify exactly what actions make you feel loved. Unfortunately I read the book much too late. Read it while there's still time.


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

Find out what she truly wants and give it to her. If she needs space give it to her but ask her to meet you halfway and not back out completely b/c you don't want to lose her.

Do soul searching...maybe a little break will make her miss you. Maybe you both need to back up. If you don't you will only feel more rejected if she still isn't meeting your needs. But don't stop showing her love bc she isn't making you happy. Still continue to show her you love her....

Good luck.


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## Alexandra (Jan 9, 2010)

Yes, don't stop showing her love, that won't make her turn your way! Keep pouring out your affection, it will be even louder when she's not reciprocating.

If you can read the Love Languages book, I would recommend it as well. It's important to find out how she "hears" affection and how the best way is for you to "speak" it to her. Also if she can read it, it may give her encouragement to be able to reach out to you. She might be feeling frustrated b/c she doesn't need physical touch to feel loved, so why should you?


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## thebuilder (Jan 11, 2010)

I have read the book "the five love languages" I understand mine and I also understand hers. Though I have been making every attempt to talk her love language it does no good and she makes no attempt to talk mine. I understand i have not been the best husban but over the last few years i have been trying harder to meet her needs. I feel I am the victom here because of her affair but I am trying to save my marriage and she ie making no attempt


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## Alexandra (Jan 9, 2010)

Great to hear that you're making a concerted effort to speak her language. Good for you!

If she isn't reciprocating or giving you any feedback at all, it's difficult to know that your actions are "worth it" so to speak. But think about it this way. If she's at a crossroads in her life and deciding which way to go, isn't it important to keep on loving her with what you say and what you do? That way she can see what she will be getting when she chooses your marriage as the way to go. 

If you back off and act indifferent, she will only have the memories of your marriage as a reference, and time can do things to our memories, can't it? I still say keep on loving her in genuine, continuous ways until she tells you how she feels.


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