# Need Opinions



## Newbies (Sep 23, 2018)

I have been with my Boyfriend since February 2018.
This morning (8:43am) a man I dated (non sexually but he did try to kiss me once) before him texted me to say hi and to see how I was doing. Last time we spoke he knew I chose my current Boyfriend. When I dated this guy we would work out together at 5am a few times a week for about 6/7 weeks.
My boyfriend is upset because it was early in the morning and thinks the guy wanted sex or to cause issues since it was a Saturday morning and I could have been sleeping in with my boyfriend. 
I did not respond the text even though we left things on good terms and decided to remain friends because my boyfriend got upset about the text.
I haven't heard from my ex since March.
I don't think theres an issue with him texting me in the morning compared to afternoon but my Boyfriend does.

A few weeks ago a different ex texted me but it was in the afternoon and I didn't want to text him back because he called me "His Beautiful Baby" in the text and I thought that was disrespectful to my Boyfriend and to me considering he didn't know if I was with someone. My Boyfriend said I should give him the benefit of the doubt and message him since he had no idea I was with anyone.
I told him I was in a relationship now and he was still disrespectful so my boyfriend and I agreed to cut contact.
Again, a non sexual dating thing.

Are there appropriate/inappropriate hours for texting past relationships ?
They were both good guys and we left things on good terms....I decided I wanted to be with my Boyfriend.

Side note: He is friends with some of his ex's (which were sexual relationships). He says there is nothing between them, all were long past ( years, one was last year) currently long distance ( all but 1 over 1,000 miles). I have no issues with that but if I can't even be friends with local exes and we have never been sexual should he be allowed to be friends with long time exes that he says want nothing more?
Opinions please....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I see nothing wrong with some guy texting a woman at 8:43 am. That's not super early. 

Your boyfriend seems to have different rules for himself than he has for you. He thinks it's ok for him to remain friends with women he's had sexual relations with, but he thinks you cannot be friends with guys you have friend zoned? You should not accept hypocracy.

Does your boyfriend display unreasonable jealousy other times?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Your boyfriend is making much ado about nothing. I wonder why? (Genuinely.)

IMO, what matters is your response to these men from your past. Not who texts or, good grief, at what time.

You can control who sends you messages to the extent that you can block numbers, but you can't control who thinks about you and who makes the effort to call you - or the time of day they choose to reach out.

This current guy is a boyfriend, not your husband. And you haven't even been a couple for that long. Do you really want to be grilled about such nonsense?

If I was in your place, I wouldn't explain or try to defend myself. You haven't done anything wrong.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

He sounds controlling. This early into the relationship - are you sure he’s worth it?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

He isn't out of line about inappropriate texts,(content), I don't really have an opinion about morning texting.

There cannot be a double standard however.

You both need the same set of boundaries unless one of you has shown a propensity for not being able to handle certain situations or substances.

Mrs. Conan can barely drink because it makes her very wild and out of control while I am barely affected by it.

So she doesn't get to consume alcohol socially and I can.

Likewise, behaviors with the opposite sex can indicate a need for different standards but I'm not seeing that with your post.

Have you discussed why he can and you can't?

I would be interested in his response.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You are almost forty years old and your boyfriend is almost fifty.Don’t you think that at your age ex boyfriends shouldn’t be sending you suggestive text messages? And calling you his “beautiful baby” is suggestive and flirtatious.
When I asked you in your other thread should both of you be dating at your age I thought you were both teenagers.
I still do.


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## Newbies (Sep 23, 2018)

I have never given him a reason to be jealous, ever and he has never shown jealousy or any other signs of instability. I have met a few male friends, but thru him.
I moved to this state 15 months ago. My friends and family are 1200 miles away. I met him about 6 months after being here.


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## Newbies (Sep 23, 2018)

I agree, content is major. When the ex texted my calling me baby I ended contact immediately and blocked him from my phone.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> *You are almost forty years old and your boyfriend is almost fifty.*. Don’t you think that at your age ex boyfriends shouldn’t be sending you suggestive text messages? And calling you his “beautiful baby” is suggestive and flirtatious.
> When I asked you in your other thread should both of you be dating at your age *I thought you were both teenagers.
> I still do.*


Well, gotta agree with this! I was thinking OP was 18 or 19; boyfriend 20 or 21.

This is a horse of a different color! 

40 and 50 years old is a bit “old-ish” for these kinds of discussions...


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> You are almost forty years old and your boyfriend is almost fifty. *Don’t you think that at your age ex boyfriends shouldn’t be sending you suggestive text messages? And calling you his “beautiful baby” is suggestive and flirtatious.*
> When I asked you in your other thread should both of you be dating at your age I thought you were both teenagers.
> I still do.


Why so condescending? She clearly stated in the first post that she didn't approve.

This isn't an isolated incident, nor is it uncommon behavior. I'm 51, and there are still men I dated _years ago_ who randomly, out of the blue, send emails or texts.

The choices of others from our past aren't our responsibility. How we respond to it is.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

minimalME said:


> Why so condescending? She clearly stated in the first post that she didn't approve.
> 
> This isn't an isolated incident, nor is it uncommon behavior. I'm 51, and there are still men I dated _years ago_ who randomly, out of the blue, send emails or texts.
> 
> The choices of others from our past is not our responsibility. How we respond to it is.


I'm 69 and I still get those texts and even phone calls from men I knew in the past. "Hello beautiful" is a very common salutation. People over 50 are not dead.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I'm 69 and I still get those texts and even phone calls from men I knew in the past. "Hello beautiful" is a very common salutation. People over 50 are not dead.


Finally, someone stood up for some of us Mature Mavens!!

Getting old is just that.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Your one ex sounds less like an ex bf and more like an ex work out buddy.

Have a heart to heart with this guy, if there is a future here and neither of you are comfy with exes in the picture, then say so. One set of rules for both of you.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> *I'm 69* and I still get those texts and even phone calls from men I knew in the past. "Hello beautiful" is a very common salutation. People over 50 are not dead.


Now I didn’t expect that for some reason...


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## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

I think if you and your boyfriend are really serious a out it each other and where this is leading in life...then symbolically give each other a new start. both of you get new telephone numbers. both of you dump your ex-s completely (dont even update them about your new telephone number, your boyfriend included). 

Then that would defeat this issue and we can see how it will work out with a new number. 

As a female, i would not be comfortable at all if my current husband were to be friends with ex-s that he had sexual relationship with because I always think that if there was a spark before, there could be again plus there would be that familiarity since they have gone down that road before of having sex.


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