# Tell-Tale signs of cheating by a Woman



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

What are the most obvious signs that a lady is cheating on her spouse?

Guarding her cellphone 24-7 (or conversely, leaving it laying around unlocked because she is using a burner phone)
Quick to start arguments 
Unaccounted time apart from you (working late, business trips, etc)
Attention to body grooming, makeup, hair, nails, tanning,etc.
New and better selection of wardrobe 
New urgency for weight-loss/exercise
Less sex/more sex
Talking about him/never mentioning him
New group of friends
Unusual passenger seat adjustments
Condom purchases (when you had a vasectomy years ago)
Getting upset if you drop by to see her unexpectedly/knowing where you are at all times
Unusual ATM cash withdrawals 
Showering more often
Sending the kids to grandma's or the babysitter more often, especially on weekends
Not responding to calls/texts from husband


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

The biggest thing I did in the days after was being overly affectionate. Initiating sex more, more loving contact. 

As far as an ongoing affair, I can't advise because I never did that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

My husband DID accuse me of "trying to impress someone" a long time ago though because I was dressing more nicely. What he didn't realize though was I went from a job where I could wear jeans every day to a more formal office environment where I HAD to dress up. I basically had to buy an entire new wardrobe to appear more professional. But that bothered him enough to say something about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

There are red flags, but none you can rely on as definitive.

Such things are as much a fool's errand as is thinking you can 'affair proof' your marriage.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Shaving in odd places regularly, all of a sudden.
Being "distant"
iLYBINILWY speech
I need some space speech.
You're a bad husband speech.
New sexual positions.
New panties.
Sudden lack of interest in the kids.
Doesn't want to go on dates with her husband suddenly.
Lack of interest on church all of a sudden.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Hey I just bought new panties! But they're for Js eyes only. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

One thing by itself may be a foolish idea---- usually if they're cheating, you can check at least half the list.

Knowing what to look for isn't stupid; knowledge is power.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

MAJDEATH said:


> What are the most obvious signs that a lady is cheating on her spouse?
> 
> Guarding her cellphone 24-7 (or conversely, leaving it laying around unlocked because she is using a burner phone)
> Quick to start arguments
> ...


Interesting...as opposed too???


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Most of those can be applied to both sexes, not just women


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

LosingHim said:


> My husband DID accuse me of "trying to impress someone" a long time ago though because I was dressing more nicely. What he didn't realize though was I went from a job where I could wear jeans every day to a more formal office environment where I HAD to dress up. I basically had to buy an entire new wardrobe to appear more professional. But that bothered him enough to say something about it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes....But did you bath more?

My wife works with me...we have a Cargo/Carhartt Dress-code for everyday...But for more formal things or going out...I always do a double take..she looks so different all made up....like a different person...that's hot.

So i get where your husband could wonder


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

MarriedDude said:


> Yes....But did you bath more?
> 
> My wife works with me...we have a Cargo/Carhartt Dress-code for everyday...But for more formal things or going out...I always do a double take..she looks so different all made up....like a different person...that's hot.
> 
> So i get where your husband could wonder


I didn't shower more. I've always been a bath in the evening and a shower in the morning typea gal.

I think he just got so used to seeing me in jeans and a polo that dress pants/skirts and a sleek blouse weren't what he expected.

I'd love to go back to the days of wearing jeans and a polo every day. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

opuss said:


> Nice... describe your nightly baths. Bubbles?
> 
> Do you.. touch yourself?


Ooooh yeah. Lots of bubbles. I take a bath just like a porn star would. Because a woman masturbates every single ****ing time she takes a bath. But only when I know the camera is running and I can get caught being naughty. And then my husband comes in and rails me while the babysitter watches and later joins in. I also just happen to keep Pandora's box of sex toys right next to the bathtub, just in case I need a vibrator and some lube.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

opuss said:


> I just ejaculated and I wasn't expecting to.


Here I try a bit of bad sarcasm and you just come right back.

Ok I admit.....I lol'd at that one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Hope you carry baby wipes in your man purse
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Shaving in odd places regularly,



Like in the front yard or in the closet?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Be careful though! Just because your spouse does not exhibit any of those signs, doesn't mean they're not cheating. My WW only exhibited one of those signs and that was phone guarding, and even then I only really realized it in hindsight. There were lots of subtle signs, but once again, only really noticeable in hindsight. I know what to look for now, but there was nothing that really stood out at the time. The POSOM was really smart and they covered almost all their bases.


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## Imovedforthis (Dec 18, 2015)

Going from sad dull life to all of a sudden "life is freaking great" attitude...
Aka much happier! 
Working out bc you do feel happier and bc you want to look your best for ap. 
Not a care in the world about my spouse 

I found myself daydreaming a LOT. Just sitting there out of it so to speak. 

I was next to my husband but didn't really care or know he was there- I completely detached from him. 

Became super mom- it made me appear more appealing to ap 

Worked hard, cleaned house harder- same reasons above- to impress ap.... 

I've did all those.... 

It's when I started going to bed at a different time than my husband (usually before so I could text good nights to ap), started going out and doing my own things without him and more or less camping out in our bedroom watching tv in there bc I didn't want to be around my husband...this is when my husband noticed, figured it out and asked me. Unlike most, I confessed as I was using it as an exit affair. 

I know there's a huge list of things but the above small minor things are what stand out to me most and what cause me to have red flags with my husband knowing what these body languages and things mean.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

HarryDoyle said:


> Be careful though! Just because your spouse does not exhibit any of those signs, doesn't mean they're not cheating. My WW only exhibited one of those signs and that was phone guarding, and even then I only really realized it in hindsight. There were lots of subtle signs, but once again, only really noticeable in hindsight. I know what to look for now, but there was nothing that really stood out at the time. The POSOM was really smart and they covered almost all their bases.


She is either a really good actress or she is an experienced cheater and this is not her first rodeo.

I would say that first time cheaters do tend to show the typical red flags, but as they gain experience they are better able to hide them.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

I hope you won't mind if I present a different spin on this. About a year and a half before my LT/EA/PA began, I did the following: I started IC, lost weight, started exercising, tanning, going to greater lengths to take care of my hair, skin, and nails, by doing my own mani/pedis, and shaving in places that I hadn't shaved before. I also began updating my wardrobe, which was necessary, anyway, because of my weight loss and exercise, and I bought some new lingerie, which included throwing out every single pair of white cotton granny panties that I ever owned. Sounds exactly like I was either having an affair, or thinking about having one, right? That would be correct. One of the first things my IC told me when I said that I wanted to "have an affair...... with _my husband"_ was that I needed to work on me first. I needed to become a woman that my husband would want to have an affair with. So, I did all of those things, and more, in an effort to get my husband's attention back onto me and our marriage. Unfortunately, at the time, it didn't have the desired effect on him that I had hoped. That turned into a very long and winding road for us. 

If your spouse appears only to be working on self-improvement, without some of those other questionable activities like phone guarding, unaccounted for time, starting random arguments, etc., he/she may just be trying to save your marriage, not end it. I would hope that people could try not to assume the worst, at first. Try to assume that your partner's intentions are real and genuine, and geared towards getting your attention. It may not always be the case, but sometimes, it might be.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> She is either a really good actress or she is an experienced cheater and this is not her first rodeo.
> 
> I would say that first time cheaters do tend to show the typical red flags, but as they gain experience they are better able to hide them.


*A lot of truth there, Lord!

With my first W, I did suspect her, as the red flags were her inordinate work hours, rarely ever in her office, her drastic wardrobe change, skimpy panties, glamour shots photos, sudden loss of all pubic hair when her prior choice was "full bush," her constant texting activity, slipping out of my presence to use her cell phone, general disinterest in family life and church, and often washing only a single pair of panties in the washing machine!

With my RSXW, I never had the first damned clue that she was ever cheating! Her attire as a horsewoman and rancher was almost always a pair of Wranglers, a tee-shirt or occasional blouse with her boots or Nike's! Her underwear choice was often either some skimpy Victoria Secrets bras and panties, or even often going braless and even pantyless! I always thought that she was a free spirit, but it never evoked anything close to being a "red flag!"

But well into our "trial separation," after I was told that there was some evidence that she cheated on her alcoholic first husband, was I able to finally put "two plus two" together, in realizing that it ain't real difficult to drop a pair of jeans to the floor to get things going, more especially if there's no panties, bras or even pubes underneath!

And upon second thought, I do remember that her overnight bag was always rather smallish, more especially for her occasional repertoire of 2-3 day solo "business road trips" away from the home front to other parts of the region! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Getting a tubal ligation (or some other procedure to prevent unwanted pregnancy) in secret.
Feeling "alive" for the first time in years, and acting excited all the time.
Going shopping for hours at a time by herself.
Phone always on vibrate and locked.
Never allowing you to talk to close friends or co-workers, because they know.
Overnight bag prepared and left hidden in her car.
Secret obi-gyn or clinic appointments.
Using douches or other feminine hygiene products that were not used before.
Trying new sex routines out on you.
Inviting you to outings/events with the OM, which could even include dinner with his W and kids.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> She is either a really good actress or she is an experienced cheater and this is not her first rodeo.
> 
> I would say that first time cheaters do tend to show the typical red flags, but as they gain experience they are better able to hide them.


Or the om/ow is a player and coaches the spouse on how to hide things and the tricks of the trade.


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

EI said:


> I did the following: lost weight, started exercising, tanning, going to greater lengths to take care of my hair, skin, and nails, by doing my own mani/pedis, and shaving in places that I hadn't shaved before. I also began updating my wardrobe, which was necessary, anyway, because of my weight loss and exercise, and I bought some new lingerie, which included throwing out every single pair of white cotton granny panties that I ever owned. I needed to become a woman that my husband would want to have an affair with. So, I did all of those things, and much more, in an effort to get my husband's attention back onto me and our marriage.
> 
> I did all the above & more, After I caught my H cheating on me. He was very suspicious of my motives, But I just wanted to save my marriage & get his attention back on me. Two years later I'm still doing all those things for him, So far it's working pretty good...


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

EI said:


> I did the following: lost weight, started exercising, tanning, going to greater lengths to take care of my hair, skin, and nails, by doing my own mani/pedis, and shaving in places that I hadn't shaved before. I also began updating my wardrobe, which was necessary, anyway, because of my weight loss and exercise, and I bought some new lingerie, which included throwing out every single pair of white cotton granny panties that I ever owned. I needed to become a woman that my husband would want to have an affair with. So, I did all of those things, and much more, in an effort to get my husband's attention back onto me and our marriage.


 


DevastatedanLost said:


> I did all the above & more, After I caught my H cheating on me. He was very suspicious of my motives, But I just wanted to save my marriage & get his attention back on me. Two years later I'm still doing all those things for him, So far it's working pretty good...



That's not how it's supposed to work. What's he doing for you? And, why did you feel compelled to do those things for him after he cheated on you? He's supposed to be doing the heavy lifting, instead of projecting his **** on you because of the things that he did. 

D&L, I'm not proud of what I did. I absolutely hate it, and if I could turn back time, I would. Yes, I was a WS, but I'm not the enemy of TAM. At least, that's not my intention. Even though I often present a different point of view, because of my own personal experience, my intentions are the same as everyone else. I came here to find help, which I did, and now I post to share my experience with others, with the hope that it might help someone in a situation that is similar to my own. With that said, how does your husband treat you now? Why are you doing the heavy lifting? What is he doing? Does he still question your motives? Why do you accept this? My husband and I both worked hard to build a new marriage after my A. He wouldn't have tolerated me treating him with suspicion because of my poor choices, and honestly, I wouldn't have respected him if he had. He got really tough, really fast, and I began to see him in a completely different light. I had to start the heavy lifting. He had some serious work of his own to do (that was specific to our marriage) and he did it. That is how we began building a brand new marriage. 

If you're doing all of the hard work, *STOP!!! *


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

@EI

I didn't mean any disrespect to you. I didn't know you were a WW if you put that in your post I must've missed it. I was just relating to the the things you said you did. My H is good to me. I guess I do all these things because I feel like I'm competing with the OW & I probably always will feel that way. I don't know how not to. My self confidence took a big hit, But I'm working on myself & trying to overcome it. Thanks for caring enough to respond. I think I needed to hear that. When I read it, It made me take a look at myself & how I'm still feeling. Sorry I didn't mean to jack this thread...


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

MAJDEATH said:


> Showering more often





MarriedDude said:


> Interesting...as opposed too???


I read this to mean more than once a day, perhaps. Or at different times than usual, or as soon as they get home, etc.

My ex wife, who was cheating the last ~2 years of our marriage, certainly did this. She was always a "shower right before bed" kind of person. That didn't change, but sometimes one (or more) were added throughout the day. Mind you, she was hitting the gym/running daily (another red flag of sorts!), so that wasn't out of the ordinary. But it's when she'd return from running errands or seeing friends or coming home from work...

There were often multiple showers a day, sometimes. Others, only the one before bed.

As for the other flags on the original list - she checked them all. Wish I knew of TAM 8, 9, 10 years ago. In hindsight, she was such a stereotype.

My biggest regret with my ex wife was not that I was made a fool of, or that she even cheated - it's that I didn't see the obvious signs and busted her.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Every single one of these red flags could be interpreted as actually wanting more love or sex from their spouse.

Seriously. I've been down this path. Keep your head on a swivel but don't think checking items off a checklist is going to keep your marriage safe. Or are guarantees she's cheating.

Hell, I've seen people here work really hard to improve their sex life and be more attractive to their wife, and when their wife actually gets horny for them and wants a lot of sex -- they think they're cheating. It's very frustrating.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

One of the things I've noticed with my W is that when she lies about something or feels shame she will make the strangest most out of character and awkward statements. This is a woman who is so polite, poised, and graceful with everyone, that people she met an hour ago tell me they feel like they knew her for years.

I asked W a few weeks ago why I never get oral sex from her, W paused swallowed hard, and then said a completely bizarre thing considering the topic. I deleted it after writing it out. 

I think the mental exertion of lying is what causes the initial pause as it takes more calculations to make a plausible lie, and they grab onto whatever is handy to build a statement. 

Tamat


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

I can tell you my first clue: 
He was protecting his cell phone as if it were a third testicle.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

my ex. exhibited a number of things many of them noted here. in fact she could have banged me over the head with a
2 x 4 with the words painted on "i'm cheating" and i still would've not wanted to believe it. i was really dumb.

but the oddest thing looking back she did was to down-talk sex.
she loved sex but after her first (i suspect) affair, she started saying how sex was way overrated and 
she "wouldn't care if she never had sex again". well, she never did with me again is right.
how did she go from loving sex to 'bad-mouthing' it?
you might think this follows the common script of 'no more sex with husband because you're loyal to lover, et.'

no doubt, but in her case, think it was even more a matter of a guilty conscious. i think it was her way of dealing with a guilt by 
saying sex was overrated and that a 'foot massage' was way better. really????
translation: "i know i'm a cheater, so i'm going to shut you out and then claim as an excuse it's because
i think sex is over rated". it's a mind game i think she played that she tried to actually believe.

mind you, this was before i knew for sure. that's how dumb i was.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

honcho said:


> Or the om/ow is a player and coaches the spouse on how to hide things and the tricks of the trade.


*I can't help but feel that a cheating spouse develops a sense of "dumbassery" in that when they start banging an outside love interest, they are so euphoric in getting to their rendezvous point, that other than perhaps willfully locking their cell phone, they start to get somewhat careless about the clues and just leave a lot of things to sheer conjecture!

Their mantra is: "I'm getting my bones rattled by someone who is both thrilling and exciting! What more could I want, other than perhaps a little financial support?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

The "Being Careless" is why I caught my fiancé cheating on me. We lived in neighboring towns, but they were only 16 miles apart. We talked on the phone 3 or 4 times a day, and went out 2 to 3 times a week. I had no idea she had started screwing some guy in her town. I called one evening and said I was coming to see her, she said she didn't feel well. So I told her to get rest and I'll call you tomorrow. She then proceeded to go out for a night on the town with her new boy toy. Then a few of my friends talked me into going bowling with them, IN HER TOWN. After bowling, we go to a restaurant. At a corner table there they sat kissing. LOL...Good times.....Good times.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

And we don't get the Paul Harvey on that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

I spotted them, they didn't notice me till I got to their table. I said," So, what's going on here?" He stood up, he must have known who I was, but I had no idea who he was. I upset the table, and drew back to hit him. She grabbed my arm so I couldn't swing. She is crying and begging. One of my friends grabs me in a bear hug from behind, and is yelling in my ear," They called the cops, they called the cops." We exited the restaurant. I didn't get arrested. 2 days later, I get a call from her family saying she hasn't been seen since late the night I caught her. They think I did something to her. They called the cops and reported her missing. Thank God, for my sake, the next day she called them and told them she had left the state and was staying with him. I didn't see or speak to her again for over 8 years. I was told, by a friend, that she had married the other man and later divorced him. And now you know........The rest of the story.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Palodyne said:


> The "Being Careless" is why I caught my fiancé cheating on me. We lived in neighboring towns, but they were only 16 miles apart. We talked on the phone 3 or 4 times a day, and went out 2 to 3 times a week. I had no idea she had started screwing some guy in her town. I called one evening and said I was coming to see her, she said she didn't feel well. So I told her to get rest and I'll call you tomorrow. She then proceeded to go out for a night on the town with her new boy toy. Then a few of my friends talked me into going bowling with them, IN HER TOWN. After bowling, we go to a restaurant. At a corner table there they sat kissing. LOL...Good times.....Good times.


You mean ex-fiancée, right?

ETA: Should've kept reading.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

marduk said:


> Every single one of these red flags could be interpreted as actually wanting more love or sex from their spouse.


Seriously?

"Condom purchases (when you had a vasectomy years ago)"

So finding out that your wife is buying condoms when you had a vasectomy, could be interpreted as wanting more love or sex?

I had a coworker who complained his wife would NOT have sex with him because she was deathly afraid of getting pregnant again. So to please her, he got a vasectomy. Did he get sex? Nope. As it turns out, she was banging guys around town. So he divorces her and finds a good woman. And you know what happened to her? She got pregnant by one of the guys she was banging.

I saw all those signs in my first marriage, but I didn't understand at the time what they were. Yep, she was cheating. So I dumped her and married someone else. 22 years later, many of the same signs cropped up with this one, but the first wife's affair was so long ago, that I had forgotten all about them and didn't recognize them for what they were.

Sure, some of those signs can mean something else, but you put them all together at the same time and that spells trouble.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

lordmayhem said:


> Seriously?
> 
> "Condom purchases (when you had a vasectomy years ago)"


Sure, it looks bad, but it is possible that she is getting irritated by your semen in her vag.

I've had my wive's friends give that a go after getting repeated yeast infections.

My point is _not_ that these aren't causes to pay attention, but that they're potential warning signs, not guaranteed indicators.

I really had a hard time getting the fact to sink in that nothing I could do was really going to make me safe from my wife cheating... only she could decide not to.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

marduk said:


> *Every single one of these red flags could be interpreted as actually wanting more love or sex from their spouse.*
> 
> Seriously. I've been down this path. Keep your head on a swivel but don't think checking items off a checklist is going to keep your marriage safe. Or are guarantees she's cheating.
> 
> Hell, I've seen people here work really hard to improve their sex life and be more attractive to their wife, and when their wife actually gets horny for them and wants a lot of sex -- they think they're cheating. It's very frustrating.


One or two at a time?

Sure.

But most or all of them?

Probably not.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Here's one I forgot to mention:
She stops talking your damn ear off upon first meeting after being apart for awhile (like in the evening after work). Although occasionally she would break into "womanspeak" because she couldn't remember if she had already verbally vented to the OM or not 
:smile2:


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

A co-worker told me about this one today:

He could tell that his fWW had been with the OM again (even though she denied it), because at the moment of insertion he could feel the "changes in size" down below. The OM was apparently XL and she would stay like that for many hours after. Brutal!


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

marduk said:


> Sure, it looks bad, but it is possible that she is getting irritated by your semen in her vag.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



But if she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about what's going on with the vag you've got problems. 

If she's not telling you everything, and I mean everything, you've got problems.

Women want to tell their man everything. 

If she's doing anything in secret then you need to raise the alert defcon 5. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> Here's one I forgot to mention:
> She stops talking your damn ear off upon first meeting after being apart for awhile (like in the evening after work). Although occasionally she would break into "womanspeak" because she couldn't remember if she had already verbally vented to the OM or not
> :smile2:


Okay, I did have to giggle about this one!!!  If I didn't hit B1 with a full-on, very colorful, :cussing: complete with hands waving,:bounce: peppered with every excruciating detail, :soapbox: verbal accounting of my day, the minute he walked in the door; particularly about how much our two youngest sons, my brother, the insurance company, the mail order pharmacy, etc., are driving me bat **** crazy, :crazy: he would _know,_ I mean, _really know,_ beyond any shadow of a doubt, that something was seriously wrong.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

GusPolinski said:


> One or two at a time?
> 
> Sure.
> 
> ...


My point is that these are indicators that something has changed, not a scarlet A on her shirt.

Always keep your head in the game and notice your spouse.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

How about really looking forward to going to work.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Palodyne said:


> ~~~ I called one evening and said I was coming to see her, she said she didn't feel well. So I told her to get rest and I'll call you tomorrow. She then proceeded to go out for a night on the town with her new boy toy. Then a few of my friends talked me into going bowling with them, IN HER TOWN. After bowling, we go to a restaurant. At a corner table there they sat kissing. LOL...Good times.....Good times.


Reminds me of a young woman I dated many years ago. We went out on a date, theater and dinner. I had planned for us to go dancing that night. It was about 10pm when I brought it up and she said "I have work to do tomorrow". I was bummed out. Oh well, right?

Well, as was my way to thinking, (A) she's not my GF as it was our 3rd date. (B) I had time free and not let that stop me from going out dancing anyway. Doesn't mean I pick up anyone from that.

So I take my time to go across town, and I go to the bar/club what has outside dancing and great atmosphere. I get my drink, then head to the front to talk to someone I know. I turn around to face the bar and I see my *DATE* sitting at the bar with a guy I am "Pals" with in club/artist circles. 

I am not happy. I walk up towards them. She sees me and instantly runs out of the room into the outside dance area. 

I sit down next to the guy and we have a nice talk about other things... I am actually friends with him today. About 15 mins late she slinks back into the room. I continue my talks with him for a while before leaving. I had a laugh at her - she was a cheater before we got close to being serious.

I am friends with that same girl btw - today, never had intercourse with her, but have seen her naked and tied up a few times since then.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Palodyne said:


> I spotted them, they didn't notice me till I got to their table. I said," So, what's going on here?" He stood up, he must have known who I was, but I had no idea who he was. I upset the table, and drew back to hit him. She grabbed my arm so I couldn't swing. She is crying and begging. One of my friends grabs me in a bear hug from behind, and is yelling in my ear," They called the cops, they called the cops." We exited the restaurant. I didn't get arrested. 2 days later, I get a call from her family saying she hasn't been seen since late the night I caught her. They think I did something to her. They called the cops and reported her missing. Thank God, for my sake, the next day she called them and told them she had left the state and was staying with him. I didn't see or speak to her again for over 8 years. I was told, by a friend, that she had married the other man and later divorced him. And now you know........The rest of the story.


*Speaking for her, that's a hell of a lot to go through for getting some outsider engaged in scratching her severe, insatiable case of crotch itch!

Manually or otherwise!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Ok, I forgot one. They sick days unbeknownst to you. You ask someone at their work place where they are and they say, "she's out sick, didn't you know????"

Uh, no, I didn't......👀
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

There is another aspect to long term workplace cheating as the cheaters really do act like married couples. Possibly because they have spent more hours together than your average married couple and it's a simple equation which is horrifyingly accurate. 

At one place they used to go for long walks at lunch, and he would be quietly in her cube from time to time, she never married.

At another place the one guy used to meet a woman from a different department at the water fountain every day at about the same time. Everyone knew it. She lost her husband for the guy who himself divorced his wife when his son was not his. 

What was funny was that the affection for each other was repressed in plain sight which I would guess made it all the more exciting when they got together.

There were also hot affairs in the places I worked but one of the pair would often get fired. 

Tamat


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

I knew - deep down I suspected. But I let it all slide; I even joked about the possibility of it with her. There were only a few signs that I recall....the time she answered her mobile in our bedroom for example. From the kitchen I heard her say "Oh go away!" and then hang up. Later after DDay I listened to a voice mail from him - he'd say stuff like "I want to suck your t*ts' and hang up. The big red flag was when she went to work dressed as though she was going out at night. A black dress (a rarity for her), stockings, fire engine red lippy - 7am in the morning! I can still see the delight in her eyes as she kissed me goodbye (I was back doing Mr Mum at the time). She looked to be in a state of bliss - it was all for him. They used to meet up for lunch. I still wonder how much more went on; not just 'hot' lunch dates but all dayers.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

That's a very hurtful story. I still feel the sting of the things I saw my ex wife write and hear her cheating voice that she recorded on Voxer for her multiple cyber dudes, along with nude pics she'd send. It still seems like a nightmare that won't fully end.
I wonder if these cheaters will ever get hit with the same feelings they caused their spouses to be scarred for life with?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Ok, I forgot one. They sick days unbeknownst to you. You ask someone at their work place where they are and they say, "she's out sick, didn't you know????"
> 
> Uh, no, I didn't......��
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*This greatly reminds me of the last birthday that I was living with my first wife(my boys mother). She was working in corporate for a major utility company.

I thought that it would be nice to drop by a local flower shop and pic up an arrangement of flowers for her and deliver them to her office, because she had informed earlier that morning that she was scheduled to be in a meeting at downtown headquarters.

Arriving at her suburban office building with a rather large flower arrangement, I went to the reception/security desk on the first floor and asked the security lady to buzz her office phone to verify that she wasn't in so I could take the flowers up to her second floor office. Th. Security lady offered to escort me up to her office to make the delivery but my cell phone rang as it was some of my officiating cohorts telling me where they were congregating for lunch. I relayed the message to the security lady who offered to take the flowers on up to her office for me, which I agreed to.

Over the course of the entire day, I kept paging, texting and calling her, with no response whatsoever, to confirm our birthday dinner plans for her later that evening at one of her favorite restaurants! 

At about 6:30PM, she calls me back to inform that the downtown meeting had gone all day long, and that she couldn't be interrupted! And she added that she had so much requested work to do from the downtown meeting that she had to get out, that she was going back to her office to start working on it which conceivably might take until 1AM! and would be home later! And to make sure that I had picked the boys up at daycare and would feed them their dinner and put them to bed! And to cancel and pay the babysitter that she had arranged for our dinner date

Being somewhat disappointed, I let her know that "there was a little something that I had left on her office desk."

There was a moment of instant silence on her part, only broken by her excited utterance, "So what did you see on my desk?"

That was the first true "red flag" in our failing relationship!

And after due investigation which occurred much later, I sadly found out that there had been no corporate meeting at all that day ~ that she, in reality, had been holed up in some downtown hotel room banging her 30+ year older corporate boss, all day and all night for a coveted corporate promotion!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *This greatly reminds me of the last birthday that I was living with my first wife(my boys mother). She was working in corporate for a major utility company.
> 
> I thought that it would be nice to drop by a local flower shop and pic up an arrangement of flowers for her and deliver them to her office, because she had informed earlier that morning that she was scheduled to be in a meeting at downtown headquarters.
> 
> ...



Sl4ts. 

Mine was too bust f4cking a coworker to show up for my birthday dinner. 

Left me, the kids and my family sitting at a table for an hour and a half. 

So, stupid me, not knowing what was going on, I'm left covering for her. Sorry we can't eat yet kids. Mom is schlobbing a knob. She'll be here soon so we can eat.

She eventually showed up. Didn't say a word to me all night. 

Dang, still bitter? A little bit. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Oh, and what was it that was sitting on her desk? The security lady, who I had become friendly with, informed me that it was another birthday flower arrangement, red roses to be exact, only bigger and more ornate!

And from the corporate VP that she was so very busy banging!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *This greatly reminds me of the last birthday that I was living with my first wife(my boys mother). She was working in corporate for a major utility company.
> 
> I thought that it would be nice to drop by a local flower shop and pic up an arrangement of flowers for her and deliver them to her office, because she had informed earlier that morning that she was scheduled to be in a meeting at downtown headquarters.
> 
> ...


I had more than one spouse show up at work on birthdays, anniversaries only to find out the person had taken a day of vacation or was never scheduled to work tuesdays.....

I had one spouse call me screaming at me that I was forcing his wife to suddenly work on sundays, at the time our shop wasn't open on sundays.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I worked at an air freight company where we were on call. When the beeper went off, we ran to the airport and were gone for 14 to 30 hours. One of the married male pilots was cheating with a young single female pilot. The guy's wife would call dispatch looking for him, and the company would say he was due to land somewhere in about an hour. Then they'd page him and tell him his wife called and to call her in an hour.

Frickin company was totally covering for the guy. Man that was one screwed up place.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Thor said:


> I worked at an air freight company where we were on call. When the beeper went off, we ran to the airport and were gone for 14 to 30 hours. One of the married male pilots was cheating with a young single female pilot. The guy's wife would call dispatch looking for him, and the company would say he was due to land somewhere in about an hour. Then they'd page him and tell him his wife called and to call her in an hour.
> 
> Frickin company was totally covering for the guy. Man that was one screwed up place.


*That's sad, Thor!

If that pilot's old lady ever got wise to their modus operandi and then hired a good lawyer, she could well end up owning that company!

In addition to owning her old man's a$$!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MAJDEATH said:


> How about really looking forward to going to work.


This was a huge one for my X. Since her POSOM was at work with her all of her attention became about work. New work clothes, new makeup and hooker jewelry. Taking an extra 15 minutes to get ready in the morning.

Also she stopped venting about work to me...guess she was venting to him. 

The other big indicator was how mean she became to me. I mean like a totally other person. Started name calling and belittling me? Was just a drastic overnight shift it was no wonder for the longest time I thought she was having a psychotic break.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Once they don't love you, you're just "someone holding them back" and in the way.
They do get mean....
Nothing you do is right. Mine was actually looking for me to screw up and lose my temper with her so she could have a reason to divorce. I took too long, so she started a fight about our jet skis and pontoon boat looking too old and embarrassing. When I just left and went in the kitchen to fix some coffe, she followed and blew up and said she wanted a divorce.
Said all kinds of mean things.
Hell, I had woke up snuggling with her and looking forward to a Saturday with my family. I had no idea she was pissed because me being at home for the weekend and spending time with her was interrupting her sexting sessions with her other dudes.
Yes, Chester's can be mean as hell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## truster (Jul 23, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> The other big indicator was how mean she became to me. I mean like a totally other person. Started name calling and belittling me? Was just a drastic overnight shift it was no wonder for the longest time I thought she was having a psychotic break.


Man, this. Every little thing was a nasty comment. The last date night we had was a ****show.. everything turned into a twisted comment about my intellect and masculinity. She tried to make me hold her drink so she could dance (not with me), and countless other insults. When I left, and she begrudgingly came with, riding in the cab she complained about the noise I made when pulling off my wristband from the bar. It was just so incredibly petty and mean-spirited that I was wondering WTF was wrong with her.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Yes, Chester's can be mean as hell.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marielle (Mar 28, 2012)

Another possible sign:

Suddenly taking up a new hobby and/or resurrecting an old one.

Especially hobbies which can involve travel for overnight alibis (i.e., racket sport tournaments, bike races, triathlons, marathons, etc.).


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

Marielle said:


> Another possible sign:
> 
> Suddenly taking up a new hobby and/or resurrecting an old one.
> 
> Especially hobbies which can involve travel for overnight alibis (i.e., racket sport tournaments, bike races, triathlons, marathons, etc.).


yes, I’ve heard several accounts of where the unfaithful spouse picked up a new hobby or interest, then the BS later found out it was the affair partner’s hobby. An unusual sport, cars, charity, a different music genre than usual, or interest in a different culture or country all of a sudden.

It's part of the infatuation stage.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

ReidWright said:


> yes, I’ve heard several accounts of where the unfaithful spouse picked up a new hobby or interest, then the BS later found out it was the affair partner’s hobby. An unusual sport, cars, charity, a different music genre than usual, or interest in a different culture or country all of a sudden.
> 
> 
> 
> It's part of the infatuation stage.



Ugh...

XW just started liking Erasure out of the blue. 

Wanting to find something to bond with her I got the Erasure channel on Pandora. Played it all the time when in the car together. 

POSOMW later told me that was his favorite band. 

F'ing hate Erasure now. 

Shouldn't have been listening to that crap anyway. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

ReidWright said:


> yes, I’ve heard several accounts of where the unfaithful spouse picked up a new hobby or interest, then the BS later found out it was the affair partner’s hobby. An unusual sport, cars, charity, a different music genre than usual, or interest in a different culture or country all of a sudden.
> 
> It's part of the infatuation stage.


I have read that the personality disordered are chameleon like while mirroring for their prey.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *
> There was a moment of instant silence on her part, only broken by her excited utterance, "So what did you see on my desk?"
> 
> That was the first true "red flag" in our failing relationship!
> ...


She's not having an affair, she is simply being a prostitute? (Wh~word) Right?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

TaDor said:


> She's not having an affair, she is simply being a prostitute? (Wh~word) Right?


*Sounds like a rather reasonable explanation to me!

And while she might of had a masters degree in data processing, she hasn't the first scintilla of common sense to be able to figure out how to pour pi$$ out of a boot, even if the directions were written on the heel!!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## destroyd (Feb 20, 2015)

Absolutely on the interests/hobbies. My WW could not care less about cars/racing/performance. I like it all, but I'm not really a follower of nascar. One thing that tipped me off to her affair was catching her actively changing the channel on the TV to a nascar race. At the time, I was like "hmmmm. Ok wtf is she doing???" and filed that thought away. Later, after d-day find out yep, OM is a rabid nascar fan, and he was attending that race- so she was paying attention to be able to talk about it with him about it later. I KNEW something was up with that. That was the start of me putting it all together. 

When you SO develops a new interest that is unusual for them, it bears real investigation.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I knew my W was taken when she came home one day from work and was in the garage looking for tools. She said she needed them to go back to work and help a co-worker fix his headlite. Alarms went off because she is a spoiled princess, who never has done any work on a car, even simple fixes. And she would be the first to tell you that she would call her dad for help before she got married, then it was her husband's job to do any car maintenance.

I think she was hoping that I wouldn't be home to see her, but then she couldn't find something and was forced to ask me where it was (she was almost never in the garage, I even parked her car each night, because it was a close space that required backing in). She hated getting dirty or risking a scrapped knuckle.

At that point I knew she was totally smitten and in the A fog, and would do anything for this OM. I moved into the basement and filed soon after.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Wolf1974,

You wrote, *The other big indicator was how mean she became to me. I mean like a totally other person. Started name calling and belittling me? Was just a drastic overnight shift it was no wonder for the longest time I thought she was having a psychotic break.*

I was just reading that some research is showing that the Love Hormone Oxytocin can also produce equally intense hate of outsiders or enemies. I don't put much stock in any one factor producing complex behaviors but it is interesting.

A Love-Hate Relationship?: "Feel-Good" Oxytocin May Have a Dark Side - Scientific American

Tamat


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