# 28 highly considering...



## summer.body (Jun 15, 2015)

Sadly I'm thinking more and more of divorce as a viable option. My wife and I have been together a merger 3 years after a friendship of 5 yrs and I don't think we are meant to be. She is great to me and my family, she just doesn't show me love. She will cook and clean for me. She'll make sure "I'm satisfied". Sure it sounds great if you focus merely on those points. But she doesn't show any affection, interest in me, or put any effort into knowing how to make me happy. I understand it's not her job to do so but she can't buy a gift for me because she still doesn't know me. It's always about her. I know her favorite color, author, show, exotic place to visit, car, dog, where she likes to be touched and where she does not. She can barely tell you where I work, but has no clue what I do for a living. She has gained a considerable amount of weight (50 lbs). While I could stay with her happily, I no longer find her attractive. To top it off she turns me down for sex almost always. (Sex is every other week thing). The breaking point is the fact that I have a kid by another woman. This other woman is by definition a ****. Harsh words for a demon spawn but it's true. She denies me of my kid every chance she gets. While the first two court appearances have been random excuses, the last four have been bc of my current wife's domestic charge. My current wife got a domestic charge bc of a fight she had with her ex bf. Anyway the court awards My ex bc of my wife's past. Now I can't see my son unsupervised, incase I bring him around her. She's definitely not abusive, especially towards kids but my son is 5 and can't testify. What I'm getting at is I am tired of fighting for a woman I don't really love that's causing me not to see my son, whom I do. I'd still maybe get a divorce if I didn't have my son situation but it makes the decision ever so critical. Am I wrong? 
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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Sounds like you aren't very good at picking partners. Didn't you know about your wifes charges before you married her? You knew that would effect your visitation. That's your mistake. Cooking and cleaning for our husbands is a way we women show them how we love and care for them. It's not because we love to do it. Have you talked to your wife that you want more sex? You aren't making sense, you want more sex but then you aren't attracted to her? Why doesn't she want to have sex with you? You like to put down your wife but are you perfect? No Have you tried to help her to loose weight like offering to go on walks with her or not bringing junk food into the house?

Reading posts by men who put down their wives and want to divorce after a few years of marriage really irk me. When you took your vows did you think everything would be roses every day? You married her for good and bad and when things aren't perfect then it's lets get a divorce and on to the next women. No wonder the divorce rate is so high. Work on your marriage and talk to your wife instead of just divorcing her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Was your wife not into you before you married her? Or has she been like this all along.


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## summer.body (Jun 15, 2015)

Well I have tried to help and encourage her. I haven't really mentioned her weight bc it's not a deal breaker and I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. I can find her attractive if I try to focus on the parts of her I do like so I wouldn't leave her if it were just a weight thing. She's really not a bad partner
I know I must seem like this big jerk but she's a person who I don't really love keeping me from my son, who is my world. I got with her shirtly before her trial. Her domestic charge was supposedly expunged but the police report is not. The judge ordered her to anger management and a small fine bc she got an attitude with the PA in court. The dang 'victim' even said she didn't do it. Anyway, at the time wasn't a deal breaker. I thought a spat with an adult would never come between me and my son. It sucks. After all this court bs I began to see that I don't love her, especially like she deserves. Again she's not terrible, just not sure if she's for me.
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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I have no idea why a court would deny you custody because of your current spouse - she doesn't obtain custodial rights to her stepchild, so it's irrelevant as long as you are not deemed an unfit parent... What state are you in? Sounds like you need a better lawyer for that one.

As to your current W, it could be a matter of understanding each other's love language - she shows you love by doing things that she believes are ways to show love. As frustrated as you are that you are not getting your relationship needs such as affection, sex and words of affirmation, your W is likely not feeling the love from you despite all the ways in which you believe you are giving her love. Or perhaps she is and it's just a one way street, she likely has no idea that you are not feeling loved by her, so read up on the five love languages and consider marriage counselling to figure out all these communication problems.

If you think all of that is just wasted effort and you are checked out of the relationship and not planning to invest any more into it, then seek divorce, tell her your reasons and let her go as swiftly and gracefully as possible so she can heal and move on.


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## summer.body (Jun 15, 2015)

Lon, I'm in Texas atm but the court in question is in Arkansas. And apparently I'm not the only one. Look up father's rights movement. She's been found in contempt once but actually been in contempt 5 times. The judge doesn't want to throw his mom in jail. So she can do whatever she wants while someone near me can destroy a relationship with my son.

I'm here bc I know it's not fair, I just don't see the point? She could lose weight, she could be the most affectionate person on earth, she could be the only person I am attracted to. The fact remains that she is a major rock in my relationship with my kid...
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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I really can't see a judge ever making changes to custody due to you remarrying someone, unless your new W has demonstrated to the court that she is abusive to your child and you have not demonstrated appropriate protection for your child in her presence. So what reason did the judge rule to strip your custody and order supervision for your visitation? how does her assault on her ex BF extend to her being a child abuser? Surely the judge isn't simply going by the accusations of your ex without any sort of evidence to backup such accusations, especially if she's been in contempt? And If that is really how fcked up your legal system is there, then why on earth would you expect separating or divorcing your current W to influence the judge to give you back custody and/or unsupervised visits? Sounds like custody is set either way, so stop putting any blame on your current W for that.

Are you asking this web forum permission to divorce your W, or what?


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## summer.body (Jun 15, 2015)

Well there's been two false DHS cases opened and the two cases were found unsubstantiated. My ex had pictures of bruises with no time data. If he got a bruise she took a picture and claimed it was my current w fault. The case isn't great. But I wonder why I'm fighting for a woman who I'm not in love with. I'm not asking permission. I'll ultimately do what I feel is best, I just wanted to talk it out... thought that was ok here on this forum? I realize how crappie this all is without a good answer. Just getting some things off my chest.
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

yes it's ok to talk it out here. It's an open forum. You will get all kinds of replies. Take the ones that work for you. Leave the rest.


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## summer.body (Jun 15, 2015)

Thanks EleGirl. I know that divorce is ugly. My family loves her. My nephews and nieces especially. I know that a divorce will be hard on them. But how long can that last? Living my life so others aren't hurt, while I hurt terribly without my son. I could live being out of love with my wife, as long as I had my kid. I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore at the moment.
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