# Double standard on dating while under the same roof? Separation dating?



## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Another thread prompted me to post this question for discussion.

Why are people so adament that there is NEVER an excuse for an affiar, but dating after separation is ok? I know not everyone feels this way but it seems a lot do.

I mean, what makes it ok just because you're not living under the same roof anymore? You are still just as legally married? Is just saying "Well I know it's over" enough to justify dating?

I sit on the fence on this one. What do y'all think?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Personally, if the separation is sure to lead to a divorce (e.g. waiting because of financial obligations), then it's OK. 

If you are separated with the intention to see if the separation will get the marriage back on track, not OK.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Yup. That.

Oh, let me add - it varies by state, however. You may need to be legally separated if you are living together. Otherwise dating could be viewed as adultery (if there are sexual encounters) or alienation of affection lawsuits against your dating partner.

Check with your state laws and attorney.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Separation is just a "phase" of the marriage itself. The only thing that legally alleviates the marital union itself are either the legal acts of "divorce" and/or "annulment."

That being said, without the presence of either of these aforementioned legal remedies, the marriage itself is still very much intact. From a legal perspective, it would greatly stand to reason not to date because doing so could greatly give rise to charges of infidelity, which ultimately could be used in resulting legal, divorce, family court, and child custody proceedings.

IMO, it would be far better to just go ahead and honor those marriage vows until such time that the legal system came to emancipate you from them!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

It's not over till the annulment or divorce is finalized and a judge has signed the papers. In my opinion it's adultery if it's not legally over. Doesn't matter since the vast majority have already slept around before the separation.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Yup. That.
> 
> Oh, let me add - it varies by state, however. You may need to be legally separated if you are living together. Otherwise dating could be viewed as adultery (if there are sexual encounters) or alienation of affection lawsuits against your dating partner.
> 
> Check with your state laws and attorney.


I agree.

in my state even legally separated wont cut it. You're either married or you aren't. My sister got screwed in her first divorce for dating while still living with her husband. They couldn't afford to separate or divorce so she dated and acted single. He totally used it against her even though he agreed to her dating.

My sincere advice is if you are going to do this keep it hidden until the divorce is final.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I think a lot of times people are emotionally divorced and disconnected long before the legal divorce is final.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Acorn said:


> I think a lot of times people are *emotionally divorced and disconnected* long before the legal divorce is final.


There ain't exactly a lot of family court judges, at least here in the Lone Star State anyway, who will exactly pat you on the back and give you an "atta-boy" for telling them that you dated or even slept around before the divorce decree was ever finalized by telling them that you are already "*emotionally divorced and disconnected*"; promptly having them to ask the "confessor" as to which court it was that granted them the divorce and when that came to occur!

And that's why a lot of those family court judges just love doing crap like that from the bench~ it just makes their day!


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Alot of states/countries make you separate for xx amount of time until the divorce can be finalized.

If it's over and you're both just waiting for the courts to grant the divorce, game on.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

arbitrator said:


> There ain't exactly a lot of family court judges, at least here in the Lone Star State anyway, who will exactly pat you on the back and give you an "atta-boy" for telling them that you dated or even slept around before the divorce decree was ever finalized by telling them that you are already "*emotionally divorced and disconnected*"; promptly having them to ask the "confessor" as to which court it was that granted them the divorce and when that came to occur!
> 
> And that's why a lot of those family court judges just love doing crap like that from the bench~ it just makes their day!


What I'm saying is that some people are not very grounded when it comes to legal definitions of marriage. They believe the marriage is dead, and once that emotional divorce is complete and communicated, they feel they are free to see others.

Trying to tell them that have to wait because of something they don't care about is not likely to resonate.

Not saying it's right, just answering the OP as best I can.


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