# Anger/resentment



## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

My wife still has anger / resentment over stuff from 7 years ago.. i have spoken to her and apoligized several times over the years and she has spoken to a counselor about it.. she still has it.. apparently there is nothing i can do about this..

she has a list of issues against me.. making it look like everything in the last 16 years has sucked. which it hasn't...

2 months separated and the more i think about it.. shes got alot of work to do on herself.. i have been putting it max work for 8 weeks... she hasnt... her perspective is everything is my fault.. her only fault is maybe sometimes not responding to me in the right way.. ( really? ) takes 2 to dance.

till she can forgive me we go nowhere... i can't go back in time.

feel stuck..


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Unfortunately, she needs to realize on her own that hanging on to things in the past will get you nowhere. You can't change it, so why waste time being angry about it? She will never be able to move forward if she keeps looking back.

You are right, it wasn't all your fault, she had a hand in it also. It's never just one person's fault. I don't think it is necessarily 50/50, but both parties are responsible.

You can't force her to work on herself, nor can you force her to forgive you. All you can do is stick to your consistent changes so she sees that things really are different.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

It sucks she feels that way but like DG said you can't change that for her. Take it from someone who was consistently wrong for 8 years while my poor husband was the victim of my wrongness and always right  there is nothing you can do. I tried changing and doing different things. That just spawned a whole new list of complaints.


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

yeah sucks.. makes me want to disconnect even more cause theres nothing I can do.... i swear yall women can be confusing as hell sometimes.... my big issue is if you are that resentful why have sex all this time ?? thats nuts to me


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Haha well, I guess you don't even really have to like someone to have decent sex with them.


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

from a woman thats wierd


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

My H never let go of anything, he can recall the smallest detail of every disagreement and it built up to a point where no matter what I did, it was compared to the past. Even now, when we are both in counseling and in MC, he won't acknowledge any part of his resentment and holding on to petty anger in leading to this point. Imagine giving up on a marriage that lasted more than 25 years, just to prove a point


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## socal04 (Apr 28, 2011)

unreal!


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Yip, my wife pulled out the memory card on me everytime I did something she didn't like. And I was defenseless on most because I had burned my memory card and could not argue with her since I could not remember jack about the incident. Socal, man c'mon dude, be cool on the sex thing, would not want that to disappear too would ya? Don't upset that apple cart. LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

socal04 said:


> from a woman thats wierd


 why?


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Stair, I think socal is probably thinking that woman are always hinting or eluding to the fact that they need romance, to feel a connection with their partners before getting to the point where you are ready for sex - so did I to some extent, but I also understand that we (men and woman) are alike in many ways about sexual needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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