# I think my marriage is over



## MBurke2008 (May 3, 2014)

I've been with my husband for 11 years and have been married to him for 6. I met him when I was 19. It was the same time I was moving out of my parents to get away from all the drama. I found refuge in him, and over the years I learned a lot, and grew into a responsibile woman. 

We have been living in the same one bedroom apartment for 6 years and we have a 2 year old son. Every time I bring up moving we get into a fight. Something else has to be taken care of before we move according to him. He doesn't even sleep in bed with me anymore because our son sleeps in our room. Somehow this is not motivation enough for him to save money. He'd rather buy booze and cigarettes. 

Between the small living space, money problems, and having a kid I feel like we lost sight of what we used to have. He cheated on me a few times before we got married, but I forgave him. I recently found out that he's been talking to other girls on facebook/craigslist, exchanging pictures. He even met up with a girl at a bar and ended up kissing her. When I found out and confronted him, he told me there is a difference between love and lust and I should be okay with it. That caused me to get furious, and I ended up talking to a couple of other guys, but nothing more than that. He has also been drinking a lot. Almost every day, pretty much drunk all weekend. We never go out as a family, he never wants to do anything, and then blames it on me. He refuses to get help for his drinking, he refuses to go see a counselor, and he can be so disrespectful. 

I'm very lost. I don't think I'm in love with him anymore. Every time I bring up separation to him, he gets mad one minute, and then the next he is telling me he is willing to work things out. Things seem great for a day, and then the next we are back to the same old antics. I'm not too sure if I'm afraid to leave him, but I don't know what to do anymore. I know that some of my actions and words contribute to our fighting. I do not deny that. I just don't think we can have a conversation anymore without arguing about who is right and who is better. 

Is it time to leave him?


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

MBurke2008 said:


> Is it time to leave him?


It is. 

I'm sorry for how your marriage turned out.


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## TurtleRun (Oct 18, 2013)

If you want to get separated then you should. Asking him only leads to a fake day of being nice.


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

Yep. Time to bail.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Counterfit (Feb 2, 2014)

You married a loser who does not love you or respect you.

Get out before he ruins your life........(or give you a sexually transmitted disease).


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

MBurke2008 said:


> I ended up talking to a couple of other guys, but nothing more than that.


What does he know about this? And does he believe it was just talk?



MBurke2008 said:


> he gets mad one minute, and then the next he is telling me he is willing to work things out. Things seem great for a day, and then the next we are back to the same old antics.


Are you making specific agreements about things that need to be different as a couple? That way you can know that you have a common understanding of the problem, and can see whether you guys are keeping the commitments you made. It would be very upsetting for you if he promises things and then doesn't deliver, but it could also be upsetting for him if you keep moving the goalposts so that nothing he does is ever good enough.

Are you expecting him to make all the changes, or does he have grievances too? 

What do you believe about marriage. How much are you prepared to work at it when things get tough?


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Time to seperate. You can't fix him. He has to do it. 
He needs to see your serious. I've learned you have to be prepared to lose a marriage before you can repair it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

I am surprised that everyone is so strong with "time to leave this loser". It seems to me pretty obvious that there is fault on both sides. It also seems that separating won't solve everything. For example, if they dont have neigh money now with pooled resources, how will that get better if they separate? Also, what is their sex life like? I am not defending the guy kissing another woman, but parts of OP's posts suggest she may not be meeting his sexual needs, which is bound to cause all sorts of tension. 

Why not are if we can help them find constructive ways to work on their problems before just advising she give up?


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

How many more times does he get to cheat on her before enough is enough? Just because my wife and I haven't gotten busy in the last couple weeks doesn't give her or I the right to troll on craigslist for a piece....this is a total deal breaker in my eyes. I'd say she's given thisguy several chances...its never going to end, there's a behavioral pattern here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Just in case no one mentioned it, you need to leave this guy.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

i'm sorry you are going through this but i agree with the others, it's time to leave. if he can't understand why you would be upset with his behavior he's most likely not going to change. 

do you have anywhere you can go?


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## sammy7111 (Apr 19, 2014)

run


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

MBurke2008 said:


> I've been with my husband for 11 years and have been married to him for 6. I met him when I was 19. It was the same time I was moving out of my parents to get away from all the drama. I found refuge in him, and over the years I learned a lot, and grew into a responsibile woman.
> 
> We have been living in the same one bedroom apartment for 6 years and we have a 2 year old son. Every time I bring up moving we get into a fight. Something else has to be taken care of before we move according to him. He doesn't even sleep in bed with me anymore because our son sleeps in our room. Somehow this is not motivation enough for him to save money. He'd rather buy booze and cigarettes.
> 
> ...


Your man has no concept of what it means to be a husband and a father. He is a selfish child. 

Run


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