# What Am I Missing?



## slytherinlyfe (8 mo ago)

Hi everyone. I'm new but I am so confused. I'm not sure what I'm missing.

So my wife and I (lesbian couple) have been married 5 years. In that time my wife has untreated HPD, fictitious disorder, and others mental health issues. I don't have a huge issue with that but I have been finding out lately that one of the main things that we connected on was childhood abuse. Well now I'm finding out it was all a lie, she was never abused it was consensual but with a family member and then years later she again had a sexual relationship with another family member.
In this time last year this month she suddenly went to sleep on the couch and hasn't been back in our bed since. When I ask her why she claims she feels like the room is suffocating her or that there's an entity in the room. 

But my issue is that due to her fictitious disorder she has issues that cause her to be limited in what she can do. Mind you it's all made up in her head for attention but she claims she can't penetrate me for more than 5-10 min because of her back, she can't finger longer than 2 min cause her hands cramp, she can't do oral because then her mouth/teeth hurt, I decided to try to penetrate her and literally in 20 minutes she stopped me twice to go pee but claimed she couldn't, then laid there looking at TV and then was crying. 

I have asked her what she wants she keeps claiming she gets satisfied from me being satisfied but I'm not satisfied.i have tried guiding her hand while doing it but she won't , I have bought games, toys, conversations. I tried porn and she wanted to watch heterosexual porn and then began always talking about sucking [email protected]#$. She even told me about her ex who use to penetrate her regularly and switched to being a stud when they broke up.

I have tried to support her to get help and she sabotages it, I have suggested things I like she immediately shuts it down not even a thought not even an attempt to try. After this last time I really feel as if she is not a stud but a fem tomboy and really wants to be with a stud. Her and her ex were together 2 yrs and she claims it wasn't that serious but I'm your wife and when the last incident occurred I walked away feeling like a trick. I am at the point that either we agree to a sexless marriage or change to open , but either something gives or I'm going to leave. I need human touch if nothing else. What Am I Missing? I have cried begged and nothing. The final straw for me was making me feel like a trick. Help.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

It sounds like your marriage is very one-sided - you needing to be the empathetic, giving, understanding spouse while she can change her mind, seem dismissive and ignore your requests. I understand she has mental health issues but this type of dynamic probably isn’t sustainable unless you abandon a certain part of yourself. 

Counseling could help you both but I think you may need to decide if you can continue living like this or if leaving is best. I don’t know if an open marriage is really what you’re after, I think you want intimacy _with her_ and an open marriage won’t solve that part. I don’t think it’s a matter of incompatibility, because if she were to leave you and be in another relationship, the lack of empathy and half truths would still be a problem for anyone.

Sorry you’re dealing with this.


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## slytherinlyfe (8 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> It sounds like your marriage is very one-sided - you needing to be the empathetic, giving, understanding spouse while she can change her mind, seem dismissive and ignore your requests. I understand she has mental health issues but this type of dynamic probably isn’t sustainable unless you abandon a certain part of yourself.
> 
> Counseling could help you both but I think you may need to decide if you can continue living like this or if leaving is best. I don’t know if an open marriage is really what you’re after, I think you want intimacy _with her_ and an open marriage won’t solve that part. I don’t think it’s a matter of incompatibility, because if she were to leave you and be in another relationship, the lack of empathy and half truths would still be a problem for anyone.
> 
> Sorry you’re dealing with this.


Thank you so much for the advice and due to another incident where she disrespected and embarrassed me in front of company and then decided she didn't need to apologize, making excuses and blaming I have finally decided I'm leaving. The very fact that I don't deserve an apology for embarrassing me says it all. I wouldn't accept that from a stranger so I'm not from her. Arrangements are made and just waiting for place to get ready but I will be leaving on a specific date and she won't be made aware hopefully until I'm already gone.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

slytherinlyfe said:


> Thank you so much for the advice and due to another incident where she disrespected and embarrassed me in front of company and then decided she didn't need to apologize, making excuses and blaming I have finally decided I'm leaving. The very fact that I don't deserve an apology for embarrassing me says it all. I wouldn't accept that from a stranger so I'm not from her. Arrangements are made and just waiting for place to get ready but I will be leaving on a specific date and she won't be made aware hopefully until I'm already gone.


I’m sorry it has come to this BUT…you sound strong and resolved so that’s good to hear! You’ll have tough days, break ups are hard but you’ll find peace. Keep posting if you’re in need of support.


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