# Family matters



## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

After D-day, I had the almost total support of both my side of the family and my WS's as well. Except, surprisingly my own Mom. She didn't believe in Divorce, so was almost constantly trying to get me to R. 
How was it with you? Who , in your combined families, supported the BS and who supported the WS?


----------



## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

Rookie4 said:


> After D-day, I had the almost total support of both my side of the family and my WS's as well. Except, surprisingly my own Mom. She didn't believe in Divorce, so was almost constantly trying to get me to R.
> How was it with you? Who , in your combined families, supported the BS and who supported the WS?


I had the support from both sides not total but they helped ww know she was doing wrong.


and as I remember you did try to R after D for about a year

do you think it would have worked if you did't meet your current girl friend?


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Oh it was easy. My mom told me to "divorce the b!tch"

Her family was on my side, but naturally had to support their daughter/granddaughter. Funny thing was, I caught her dad chewing her mother out saying things like, "like mother like daughter"


----------



## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

convert said:


> I had the support from both sides not total but they helped ww know she was doing wrong.
> 
> 
> and as I remember you did try to R after D for about a year
> ...


It might have, if I had been able to recapture any romantic feelings for her. She was more than willing to do it, but I just could not think of her as anything but "past history".


----------



## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

vellocet said:


> Oh it was easy. My mom told me to "divorce the b!tch"
> 
> Her family was on my side, but naturally had to support their daughter/granddaughter. Funny thing was, I caught her dad chewing her mother out saying things like, "like mother like daughter"


Sweetie's family was far harder on her than mine. They are very religious, and took it real hard. They still do.


----------



## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

My Wife's Mom has been gone for 18 years and Dad was in a home. The best support was from my wife's best friend. She kicked my wife's butt for months.

My own parents tried expressed sympathy but were very quite. I have always suspected my father of having an affair in his past.


----------



## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Out of both of our families combined only my sister knows that my WW cheated. She has supported both of us but has told me in private that she is supporting WW because of my choice to R. If R fails she won't support WW anymore. I know her family would be disappointed in her but if they knew they would support her.


----------



## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

I have noticed that a lot of older people will support R in the marriage from customary reasons, because, in their day, divorce was considered worse than infidelity.


----------



## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I didn't tell anyone until I called off R and decided to move out. 
So there were really no lines to be drawn; they were informed of the decision, not asked for counsel.

I too did find it very interesting a select frw close friends or family members who'd really just nit want to discuss it at all. I immediately assumed those people had dealt with infidelity in their own lives snd didn't push the issue.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

We kept my wife's affair a secret.

However, my MIL guessed what had happened and apologised to me for her daughter's behaviour.


----------



## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

It just depends, I guess. sometimes your family will be a huge part of your support network, at other times they will be a major pain in the ass. Even some of those who supported me , still wanted me to R with my wife. It caused some awkward family gatherings, I can tell you.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your mother may have religious reasons for her stance. Also she may be remembering how happy your wife made you and she wants you to get this happiness back. But doesn't understand that the only way you can get your happiness back is if your wife is not a part of your life.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I didn't expose to anyone 30 years ago on DD1 because I don't believe in exposure when you intend to reconcile due to the hard feelings by family members that can linger. But I did expose to my family when I decided a couple of years ago on DD2 that I was going to get a divorce. I had a lot of support about the infidelity but also a lot of opposition about the divorce because of the length of my marriage (45 years). 

There has always been infidelity in marriage but until somewhat recently it was not common for women to get divorced over it. Especially when a long marriage was involved. But my family finally accepted it although they weren't thrilled. And my former husband and his new wife and I get along very well at family functions. Life is good.


----------



## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

No support...No one told WH he was wrong...Because they bought the story on both sides that the OW was "Just a friend"...Even the church bought it. I was put under pressure to sacrifice my self-respect and "stay" because of my children, because "It's the past" and "to forgive and forget" because God hates divorce. Only one person did object to the reconciliation, although not in a nice way, she cussed me out about him ... My little sister, who told me he is an Opportunist, before the fall-out. She kept asking me why was that woman (OW) so "special" to him, what was so special about her? She saw through it but I was fogged-up about what was true with the mountains of lies he told me and others, to cover his azz...Funny, I was thinking about this yesterday. Actually his older sister said it would not be acceptable to her for her own husband to have a years long secret friendship with another woman...But she got a phone call from him and was bullied down. As hard as I tried to sacrifice my self-respect, I just could not do it.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Her actions were justified by all involved, except me. They are no longer a part of my life. 

I was asked to apologize. I just don't know what I am supposed to apologize for that would justify her actions. I have, therefore, not apologized. 

Since there will likely not be a discussion to clear the air and figure out what it was each of us did to the other, there will likely be no apologies offered. It would feel completely insincere and be totally bogus to offer an apology without an understanding of the "crimes", and how they affected the other. 

Yes, that shows lack of empathy. It also shows that each of us is an individual and things we think might bother someone, aren't always what actually bothered them. A discussion and some fact finding would be necessary. Otherwise, I have no idea in the world, what bothered her. I don't even know if it did bother her. Didn't seem like it to me.


----------

