# Questions for men



## blue23 (Jul 16, 2011)

Hey guys I'm new here, this is my first post! I just had a couple of questions for men. I'm 23 and have been with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2yrs. We moved in together a few months ago and he recently started a new job that is very stressful and demanding and requires him to take several very difficult tests...
1. A lot of people have told me that at this point in a man's life, their career is very important to them and other things take a backseat. is this true?
2. do any guys on here have any experience taking very difficult tests - bar exam, CPA, etc. - while in a relationship and what that was like for them? if they felt distant from their gf, didnt want to have sex or talk, that kind of thing?
3. do men get less affectionate/sweet/romantic as relationships go on? ie like less making out type kissing, cuddling, etc.?
4. I think men want to talk less than women do, like I would love to talk to my boyfriend basically all the time and text him and so on but I dont because I think he likes to have space, any thoughts on this?

Any feedback would be great! I am trying to understand men better.
Thanks!


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

blue23 said:


> Hey guys I'm new here, this is my first post! I just had a couple of questions for men. I'm 23 and have been with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2yrs. We moved in together a few months ago and he recently started a new job that is very stressful and demanding and requires him to take several very difficult tests...
> 1. A lot of people have told me that at this point in a man's life, their career is very important to them and other things take a backseat. is this true?
> 2. do any guys on here have any experience taking very difficult tests - bar exam, CPA, etc. - while in a relationship and what that was like for them? if they felt distant from their gf, didnt want to have sex or talk, that kind of thing?
> 3. do men get less affectionate/sweet/romantic as relationships go on? ie like less making out type kissing, cuddling, etc.?
> ...


IMHO....

1) Yes - men compete where they can win. Talk, emotions and etc. are female domains that make men's head spin at times.

2) My brother took the bar exam and it was his life at the time. Do not take this the wrong way but you are just a girlfriend. This is a pivotal time in your boyfriend's life and you need to give him his space so he can succeed. At your ages and depending on what his career path is I can almost guarantee you and he will not be together long term. Some careers, the test/exam is just the beginning of a life of hard work. My brother has been an attorney now for 15 years. He works 14-16 hours a day minimum 6 days a week. He is on his 2nd marriage and it is about to fall apart.

3) All relationships have peaks and valleys.

4) Let your boyfriend be a MAN. Men are protectors, providers and leaders. Let your girlfriends be WOMEN. Text and chat with your girlfriends then just give your boyfriends highlights.


I wish you the best....


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Early on had pride in my career, over time a toxic relationship turned it into shame... Early in my marriage my wife usually acted respectful, she saw I was successful at work, and would brag about my competency to her friends, but she always disliked that a made it a priority, she always believed it was more important to me than her... I just could never explain to her that there is no comparison, my job does occupy a lot of my time and energy, but it is not what keeps me living, I did enjoy it, but it was mostly the means I chose to achieve some goals.

Well it was never good, she still wore herself out feeling like she was competing against my job for my attention, attacking me, making me feel like my priorities were all screwed up. It wasn't even like I was a workaholic, I'd go put in my 8 hours then come straight home every day and try taking care of everything around the house. Then when we had a baby her resentment multiplied, and I just wore down, slowly lost all pride in everything, depressed, unhealthy, lost all my drive etc until her fears all came true and she ended up with a guy that was good for nothing. I don't blame her for it all, but gawd she sure didn't stand by me as I was providing for my family and taking care of so much.

Anyways, now we're separated I'm beginning to put the pieces back and when I can once again take pride in my work and know I'm doing a good job I sure as heck am not going to be with someone that can't appreciate that. When I feel useful I have a lot of affection to give and I love having someone to share life with... when I feel off my game I will never be the kind of man most women are looking for.

So with your BF let him focus on his career for now and show him your love and support, it will only give him more reason to live and to give. Keep him grounded but lift him up and he will hold you above all else. But if he is not committed to you and he's just keeping you on the side for a little fun, then its a losing situation for both of you.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

> 1. A lot of people have told me that at this point in a man's life, their career is very important to them and other things take a backseat. is this true?


Do you really have to ask that question? How old are you?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The difference between kids and adults is that kids, when allowed to do so, simply do whatever they feel like. Adults have to prioritize and take care of business. That's why teens can happily knock boots and smoke dope all day while adults do what has to be done. Anything worth while in life is worth sacrificing for. These tests are difficult in order to keep idiots from contaminating the various professions. Any guy worth spending time with is going to occasionally concentrate on his education or job. If he doesn't, he's a jellyfish and will never have more to offer than the crumbs which happen to blow his way. 
For everything, there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven. That means there is a time to cram for an exam, there is a time to go to work, there is a time to deploy to Baghdad, and there is a time to play footsie with the wife/girlfriend.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

well said unbelievable


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Probably best to get to know your boyfriend as the unique person he is. Maybe think on this: Our external behaviour is driven by our core values and beliefs. Core values and beliefs are things we will not compromise under any circumstances. We defend and protect our core values and beliefs with our personal boundaries.

Here’s an example: Let’s say your boyfriend has a core value of personal credibility and integrity. To protect and defend his credibility and integrity he will not lie. He will take it as a massive affront if he discovers a person has lied to him.

So find out what your boyfriend’s core values and beliefs are and you will know your boyfriend, what motivates him, what drives him. The strange thing about all this is that sometimes we don’t realise what our core values and beliefs are until they are being threatened. You might buy the book at Finding Your N.U.T.S. and have a read. Your boyfriend may well pick it up and start identifying his boundaries and you’ll come to know him through the boundaries he has.

For general information on how men and women differ suggest you buy some books from Pease International - Relationships.


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## Closer (Jul 15, 2011)

I think you really need to give this some thought. Think really deep if you want to be with this guy for the long-run.

The stress of life is getting into him and if this continues, it seems like you'll stop being a priority to him.

As the other people here have mentioned, there a lot of red flags. Ask yourself if you can handle it or you can experience it for yourself.

Just be open and prepared for the fact that he may not be there for you when you need him because of the demands of his work life.

But then again, as always, there is hope. Learning communication skills will really help your relationship for the long-term. Since you're boyfriend is heading for the busy life of the corporate world, it is important that you learn communicating so that you'll be satisfied in your relationship.

Honest and open communication (this includes empathy in my opinion) will be one of your greatest weapon in life.

Thanks.


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## ngrrsn (Jul 15, 2011)

I like to visit the men's section to see what is cooking in their lives/heads.

Honey,

1. Relationships don't take a back seat, but sometimes YOU need to prioritize. Have you asked how you can help? Made sure he knows you are there to support his efforts? Take over other functions (cooking, cleaning, etc) to free him up to study (and let him know this is what you are doing?) Offered to relieve his stress (focus on his release, not yours, if you catch my drift).

2. Timing, timing, timing. When the man is on the hunt, is NOT the time for the woman to discuss the colors of the hut. Is he distancing the relationship, or is he focused on the demands of the moment? There are lulls in every focused activity; learn to recognize these and let them be warm, relaxing experiences, not another anxiety stressful situation he has to deal with.

3. Yes. So? If you try to force something, you will only have valleys and pits...then nothing. Ride the roller coaster and enjoy life. You will both grow at different rates and through different phases. Long term relationships are those where couples live and let live, give "rope" when needed, and take out the slack when appropriate...it's a two way affair.

4. Are you talking about what he is interested in or what you are interested in? And yes, men are more prone to being solution givers and problem solvers. A question meant to stimulate a conversation will result in an attempt by him to tell you an opinion or what to do/solve the problem. I agree with a previous post...chat with your girlfriends, enjoy conversations with your man as they unfold, never forced.

Does this sound rather one sided giving on your part? What I am saying, is there are times to be HIS supporting partner. Other times he will need to be yours. If you can't do this, then you need to ask yourself why you are in this relationship.

You both need about 10 years under your belts...I hope you make it.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

blue23 said:


> 4. I think men want to talk less than women do, like I would love to talk to my boyfriend basically all the time and text him and so on but I dont because I think he likes to have space, any thoughts on this?


W and I have been having issues. She was away for a week (planned months ago) which was a good time for us to get our heads on straight (straighter?). She just got home y'day. I of course, want to 'get intimate'. She of course, wants to 'discuss things a bit.' 

I look at her and tell her you want to talk about things cause you're a girl, I want to get busy cause I'm a boy. Duh! She looks at me like I'm nuts. She just didn't get it (neither did I until this morning . Not that I mind talking, but I haven't seen her for a week. We talked on the friggin phone every day for the past week. Ya can't do what I was interested in over the phone! (Well some people do, but ain't quite the same for me.)

I sometimes find it amazing that the human race has managed to carry on for so long! I think God created sex drive so he can be entertained by us all.


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## blue23 (Jul 16, 2011)

Thank you all so much for your feedback! (I am 23.)
I do think that I have a lot of maturing to do and all of these comments were very helpful. I'm not here to whine about my situation or anything, I just wanted some feedback.
We are very young and I think perhaps my boyfriend feels smothered at times - he works all the time and he basically does try to spend any free time with me. he doesn't have much time for himself. I get very upset when he watches porn in those few moments he has alone particularly because he is so exhausted from working (literally) 16+hour days that he doesnt want to have sex when he gets home. that is my struggle right now.
thanks again!!


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