# Scheduling Sex?



## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

The MC we were seeing recommended it, and someone on another forum recommended it, but I'm not sure about it. Anyone have experience with this practice?

It seems like it would take out all the spontaneity, and make it cold and unromantic. What if she doesn't feel like it when it's scheduled? What if I don't? What if one of us feels like it at other times? 

What are you thoughts on this?


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Add to that the inability to perform at that point and you have a mess to deal with. I couldn't schedule sex. I agree...scheduling it, IMO, makes it too.... clinical.


----------



## DBTim (Sep 18, 2012)

It depends on how it's implemented, but it was a total disaster for me and my marriage. My ex thought it was great. She ONLY had to perform on X day of the week, and any excuse was still valid to cancel until the next week. What was supposed to guarantee 1 night of intimacy a week actually prevented intimacy the 6 other nights.

Unless you're in a situation where there has been no sex for months or years, in which case it can be good to at least force you to think about being close at pre-determined times.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I don't think it's a bad idea. My husband and I have "scheduled sex" every Sunday. We drink a little wine, relax, and have at it. My sweetheart is off on monday's so Sunday night is our scheduled night to do whatever we wanna do. Pull out a few of the toys, dress extra special (me lingerie, him silk boxers, yum), watch some adult films, maybe stop by an erotic store. The sex is always fantabulous and it's so calming and bonding for us both. Sometimes we decide to use our scheduled time to just cuddle in bed and watch a movie from redbox, that's equally awesome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

If you have a really busy schedule and kids, I can see giving it a try. But like everything, it takes two to tango. Both involved have to want to make it work. It can be clinical OR it can be something to look forward to during the week. All depends on your attitude. Sometimes you just do it whether you are in the mood or not. Usually once started, it does not take a long time to get into it. 

I can say I tried it in my previous marriage on the advice of a thereapist & books. It was a disaster. For the ex, it was just hurry up and finish, no emotion or anything. We did not stay on that schedule long.


----------



## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

We have scheduled sex at certain times. We have 3 kids, we both work full time, I work shifts.
It's done in a playful way though.
I'll say something like 'book me in for sexy time on Thursday hon'
Our sex life has gone through many phases. H and I are now in R from his A and making sure our sex life is good has become part of that recovery. It's become one of the priorities in our marriage now and we make sure that it's given the time and effort it requires (I don't mean like its a chore or anything)

In the past I have been neglectful of my Hs need for intimacy, that's not going to happen again. If we don't have sex for 2 or 3 days then it gets put on the shedule!!
Make it fun though with sexy Txts, or something funny on the calendar!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

If you're not getting anything anyway, once a week is a good start, regardless of it being the excuse not to for the other six days.

I think scheduling it is supposed to help a low drive spouse see that it can be enjoyable and may lead to more frequency.

And scheduling for a low drive spouse gives them time to ramp up either by getting chores out of the way, watching porn or reading erotica during the day to help be ready.


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I don't think it's a bad idea. My husband and I have "scheduled sex" every Sunday. We drink a little wine, relax, and have at it.


Sunday afternoons (not an exact time!) for us too. I call it our standing date. It works well for us. If one of us isn't feeling it right then a BJ/HJ may offered and/or we'll say "let's get up a little early tomorrow". Sex at other times always welcomed.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

If your options are scheduling it or it won't happen I'll choose scheduling.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Drover said:


> The MC we were seeing recommended it, and someone on another forum recommended it, but I'm not sure about it. Anyone have experience with this practice?
> 
> It seems like it would take out all the spontaneity, and make it cold and unromantic. What if she doesn't feel like it when it's scheduled? What if I don't? What if one of us feels like it at other times?
> 
> What are you thoughts on this?


Above are very good questions for the counselor.

If you have concerns that this will provide you the fulfillment you desire, then you should speak up.

Your attitude will be I'll try anything if it will help provide me with the fulfillment I am looking for in my marriage. I thought mainly in counseling I would try to find ways I could make my wife feel loved, special and appreciated. But if this is recommended I am all for it. But, remember this is not about me "getting off" x times per week. It's about my emotional needs. So, I will try this but the bottom line is I want my wife to show me that I matter... And I want to find ways to show her that she matters to me. That's why I'm here.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> If your options are scheduling it or it won't happen I'll choose scheduling.


Yes, I agree with this. I'd prefer not to schedule it. But if I haven't had it for a while I think it would be ok to say "hey we've been neglecting each other, so Wednesday's our night. Wear something hot!"


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Yes, I agree with this. I'd prefer not to schedule it. But if I haven't had it for a while I think it would be ok to say "hey we've been neglecting each other, so Wednesday's our night. Wear something hot!"


Nothing wrong with scheduling...it can be hot. I think you need a balance between the two.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Try it. Me and my H have had sexual issues and we tried it; it works. It's just that we didnt stick with it! Figure it this way; it can't hurt...!


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

gives new meaning to the line, "I can fit you in on Wednesday at 6"


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> If your options are scheduling it or it won't happen I'll choose scheduling.


Ok, yea, I can see scheduling in this case. If it has dropped to nothing or nearly nothing, yes. But if still fairly regular, I couldn't do it.


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I think the point is more about committing to find time for sex. If that requires a finite schedule so be it. 

It's similar to exercise. If you look at it you'll do it when you have time you'll probably find all kinds of excuses to miss your workout. If you schedule it into your day you will have the time.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I've read about it, but it wouldn't work for me.

I like spontaneity and freedom way too much.
But our situation is different,so if you'all schedules are tight,
Then it might work to get things going again.


----------



## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Add to that the inability to perform at that point...


I'm not worried about that.


----------



## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

wiigirl said:


> Nothing wrong with scheduling...*it can be hot.* I think you need a balance between the two.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


How so?


----------



## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

11:00pm -Initiate Foreplay 
11:15pm -Insert [email protected]

sorry I couldn't resist.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Drover said:


> How so?



build up anticipation before the "appointment", flirty texts and such, etc


----------



## DBTim (Sep 18, 2012)

AlphaHalf said:


> 11:00pm -Initiate Foreplay
> 11:15pm -Insert [email protected]


You forgot: 11:16 - Remove [email protected]

This is exactly how it was with ex, except that more often than not it ended up:

11:55 - Initiate Foreplay
12:01 - Oh, it's not Sunday anymore. Maybe next week?


----------



## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Perhaps look at it like your are scheduling time together not just time for sex. So often that gets lost in how busy married couples lives can be. I know it does in my case. 

I would hope that once you have these scheduled times together it can be something that is looked forward to as a small slice of peace to escape life hectic pace. However you both have to look at it that way. If one of you finds pressured by this I would bring that up at MC.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Drover said:


> I'm not worried about that.


Were it not for my husband's "pharmacy" he now has.... ugh!
Yea, scheduling wouldn't work because of how they affect him. =/


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Before dinner I asked "should I set the alarm clock a little earlier than usual?" Does that count as scheduling? In my (appointment) book yes, but is that a bad thing?


----------



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

We have tried scheduling it, but then sometimes it still does not happen with the schedule.


----------



## CraigW (Jul 7, 2012)

We have scheduled. Between work, sports and everything else , we made sure that 
some nights were "reserved". It wasn't as cold as it sounds though and sometimes
we'd go out or do something together before. The anticipation is actually pretty hot. 
Texts and little innuendos all day long.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I think my wife would be perfectly fine scheduling in some sex during busier times. She's just more orderly than I am. 

I'm 120% about spontaneity, so that will not be happening.


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Drover said:


> The MC we were seeing recommended it, and someone on another forum recommended it, but I'm not sure about it. Anyone have experience with this practice?
> 
> It seems like it would take out all the spontaneity, and make it cold and unromantic. What if she doesn't feel like it when it's scheduled? What if I don't? What if one of us feels like it at other times?
> 
> What are you thoughts on this?


IT depends on what you do with it. I mean if I scheduled sex I'd be preparing something new that we have never done or tried before. I would have fun with it. I quess it is all in how you look at it.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

wiigirl said:


> Nothing wrong with scheduling...it can be hot. I think you need a balance between the two.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yes.. it can be HOT... it is all in what you do to make those moments creative & very enjoyable for your partner...

Ok, my experience.. Mrs High Drive here....couldn't get enough... If I got my hopes up for something and it DIDN'T happen -during that time frame, I'd pick a fight... Yes, I needed it .  So yeah... we pretty much knew... it was "ON" .... every morning he was off and almost every night on his working days - we just agreed -- this is what we both wanted.... neither of us got bored, wavered, both happy to be in each others arms & all over each others bodies...

If he was a little tired, he'd tell me ....."wake me up in a few" and we'd go at it at 2am or something or in the am before he had to get up - a quickie. I always had a  on my face cause I had something to look forward too. 

I was at his beck & call ! This never caused us to get bored, loose passion, or anything... My husband did not feel pressure from this at all. That only happened if I wanted it more than once a day. Just how we handled it - with my over zealous drive for a time.


----------



## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

Drover said:


> The MC we were seeing recommended it, and someone on another forum recommended it, but I'm not sure about it. Anyone have experience with this practice?


My wife and I have sex scheduled every Friday night. On Friday night she becomes a beast and we do all sorts of nasty on that night. If I try to initiate on any other night she'll do it with me but it isn't the same.

I would like to have sex a little more but she is good with that one night and when we do it belive me, it is good. So in a nut shell one would think scheduled sex would lose its appeal because of the spontaneity factor but the reality is, with some women when they know they are going to do it, they can anticipate all sorts of things in their mind.


----------



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

To add to what I said before, I think I need scheduling of sex. I don't do well with the spontaneous sex initiated by my wife. Rarely ever does it happen if she tries to do it spontaneously. I need to know ahead of time to be mentally and physically prepared.


----------



## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

I ask the wife if she wants to get in the sack. We don't really schedule anything. She is pretty cool with it.


----------



## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

I make it a point to have sex at a minimum of 6 times every 2 weeks. We space it out so it's almost every other day. I'll say sex tonight to confirm with her and we usually do it around midnight when our kid is asleep.

She told me before she can do without sex in our marriage, but does it for me. That's why I have to be on top of the schedule. I fully support scheduling sex.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Schedules makes me dread sex I'm sorry

Sex for me should not be about duty or agreed upon times. If there's anything to be agreed upon it's "time together" without sex being any sort of obligation (which my wife and I have recently agreed to with our last compromise - we've been fighting about this for YEARS)

I don't want to have expectations to perform at "this particular time" and at "this particular place" when I already have enough sh-t to do during the day and when I simply can't relax and especially when we just had sex only FOUR FKING hours ago!!! Sorry... random vent

So no thanks, I want this problem of scheduled sex to go away...


----------



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Schedules makes me dread sex I'm sorry
> 
> Sex for me should not be about duty or agreed upon times. If there's anything to be agreed upon it's "time together" without sex being any sort of obligation (which my wife and I have recently agreed to with our last compromise - we've been fighting about this for YEARS)
> 
> ...


But if it is scheduled only once a week then its not a major obligation or duty. It makes it something to spend a few days looking forward to.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It'll still feel like a duty to me even if my wife told me something like "sunday - sex at 11PM, no excuses, flop it out or suffer the consequences!" (joking on the last part)

I like to keep sex as animalistic and natural as possible. I want the hunt, the uncertainty, the challenge, the unpredictability... and the last thing I want; is when I know it's planned/expected and it "has to happen"

But that's just me...


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

gbrad said:


> But if it is scheduled only once a week then its not a major obligation or duty. It makes it something to spend a few days looking forward to.


We've had our standing Sunday PM date for long time now. We both do look forward to it. It's only problem when Sunday comes and one of us is just not into it, say a real headache, hay fever, minor-ish but it happens, AND the next realistic chance is only in 3 or 4 days, no "tomorrow morning". Fortunately that's rare. 

Like I said, works for us, I can see how it may not for others.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> But if it is scheduled only once a week then its not a major obligation or duty. It makes it something to spend a few days looking forward to.


I get what you're saying, but it doesn't always work for everyone. Telling my husband "we're having sex on this day at this time" is going to make him dread it. Letting it "just happen" gets the desired outcome. I don't think it's a bad thing for everyone, I just know scheduling won't work for us. Considering it is roughly once a week right now anyway, it would complicate things more if we said we were having sex on a certain day. What if there is an appointment at the day/time? I don't mean purposely scheduled, I mean something that couldn't be avoided. So, you move it to the next day. And, eventually, the same thing happens and you find yourself scheduling for a day that never works, no matter what. Meh, I'll stick to spontaneity.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

There have been times when my wife made me willing to do it multiple times a day without her asking, and that's when she DIDN'T ask for it, DIDN'T demand it, nor expect it, and better yet, she played hard to get. I'm not by any means LD, I'm actually HD if the right cards are played

I can't do it consistently no, but that's how important this is to me. I'm not someone who can be switched by a woman simply jumping on a bed and spreading her legs. Hell I even find my wife sexier when she wears clothing (sexy clothing prefered) then if completely nude straight off the bat.

I'm just the type of guy who loves romance and teases, even if it doesn't consist of flowers/unicorns/or butterflies outta my ass... =/
I hope I'm not the only one...


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> basically said what gbrad said "I need to know ahead of time to be mentally and physically prepared


Curious actually that you mentioned that...

For me and my wife on GOOD times -> we have the flirting/the teasing/the romance to know ahead of time what's coming up anyway...

However, I can see what you mean... my wife and I are still youngish so...


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> Unless it's first thing in the morning, an actual time might be tough. Our Sundays can be a little stressful if we have to leave the house by 4. That may very well lead to rescheduling for Sunday morning or Monday. (Is this helpful or tmi?)
> 
> I guess we never very spontaneous. And now W, at 50, basically said what gbrad said "I need to know ahead of time to be mentally and physically prepared", when I mentioned I was going to try out an ED pill that allows for more spontaneity.


I think it might work later on, but again, it's all dependent on his medications. The ones he is on right now, even if we WANTED to schedule, they work against it. He has enough anxiety when being spontaneous. If we were to schedule, it would just add to his anxiety. Maybe later in life it would work, but i know it won't now.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Drover said:


> The MC we were seeing recommended it, and someone on another forum recommended it, but I'm not sure about it. Anyone have experience with this practice?
> 
> It seems like it would take out all the spontaneity, and make it cold and unromantic. What if she doesn't feel like it when it's scheduled? What if I don't? What if one of us feels like it at other times?
> 
> What are you thoughts on this?


scheduled sex was a necessity in my marriage.


scheduled sex wasnt too terrible.it worked for us.

in a way,it was more exciting bc it made me feel good that we placed such high importance on being intimate and not letting things interrupt that bonding time. I looked forward to it all day bc i KNEW it was on our schedule and it was a race to get to that block of time and fling our clothes off ;-)


----------



## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

When you have kids and both of you work, it seems as if it is always scheduled in some shape or form. My wife tends to drift off to sleep a lot earlier than me so if I don't put it out there before hand, it won't happen.


----------



## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

We tried to set aside time for "hump day" but it only actually happened a couple times. Usually it got put off and I never got up the courage to cash in any IOU's. It became easier to put it off on all the other days of the week, since we have "hump day" coming up. And as a result, I never felt comfortable asking on any day but "hump day" and by then I was desperate, needy and there was WAY too much pressure for either of us to live up to. I was pushing her away with my neediness and ended up with ED issues. The end result was that before we set up "hump day" we averaged 2-3 times a week and after a few months having a "scheduled time" we were about 2-3 times a month.


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

When we had 5 little kids & sex was just another demand on me, it did work to have it scheduled for us. There were 2 days a week where it was scheduled, Wednesday & Saturday. Not to say, it could not happen at other times, but I was so LD then that it would never have happened if it was up to me.
Now the kids are older & I am wanting it all of the time, no need for scheduling.


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

We have a schedule: Every other night, and reserve an hour time of our sleep. The other night my wife goes to bed early to compensate. When one of us want to postpone it is automatically postponed to the next night. 

The big advantage is you don't need to be both in the mood, or have uncertainty whether or not something is going to happen. PLUS easy postponing AND automatic recovery of the 'dating'.

We deliberately take an hour 'time budget' to invest in a good, passionate relation. The actual time may vary from 30 min to over an hour, but there is no pressure on time. The experience is created to have a boudoir like night of love, everytime, believe it or not. This works out great in your marriage is our experience. Invest!

Sorry this looks a bit technical, that's only the framing, you forget about that once you are used to this.


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Creating a passion for each other is what fuels your love live.


----------



## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

My wife and I use to always schedule a night on Fridays. If neither one of us had work on Saturday morning and there would be no school bus to catch, we'd set aside that evening to have a few drinks and enjoy ourselves with some good sex. 

But as the years went by, it drifted off and became a rarity. I always pushed for it to return, but it kind of fell on deaf ears. 

Lately with my wife's 'resurgence,' if you will, of her sex drive, that seems to be coming back. Last Friday we banged like we were teenagers and we've already put it on the table to do the same tonight. And this is coming on the heels of us having two consecutive nights of HJs and Rabbit fun, just to warm up for Friday.


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Great to read about that. I wonder how she does explain the 'resurgence'? Age related or stress or something else?


----------



## DH1971 (Sep 15, 2012)

For me it is Thursdays and Sundays otherwise it wouldn't happen. It is pity sex and not that enjoyable, but at least the end result is the same.


----------



## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

I could do the scheduled sex thing, as long as there was unscheduled sex too- but my husband- nope! We've recently tried...it's just not authentic enough for him. He thrives on the spontaneity of it.
It seems like every time we'd try anything we planned, he can't stay 'ready' if you know what I mean! He always says ugh- we can't plan this!
But if it's just random & we're going with natural feelings- all systems are a go
That feels the best to us anyway!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tiredandout (Jun 1, 2011)

I have tried to suggest scheduling sex to my husband, but even in the midst of complaining how he gets too little he won't agree to it. He finds it too clinical. He also has started to resent me saying directly: "Let's go get busy!", he wants to be surprised more, he says he likes sex to start organically, naturally. I am looking at the reality of our insanely busy lives where we sometimes struggle to get enough sleep, the fact that I am considerably lower drive than him — and I think it expecting sex to come up organically is wishful thinking.

For me it would be marvellous to schedule an intimate time to:
(A) make sure both of us will have time and energy for it at the same time. In these busy times we too many times end up in situations where one wants but the other has too much on their plate or feels exhausted. The roles can reverse even during the same day! 
(B) give me a time to look forward to, fantasize about and get aroused already beforehand. I like sex, but I honestly forget to think about it when my life gets so busy. My frustrated higher drive husband would never admit it, but he also bumps sex off the schedule several times because the hanky-panky time is not set in stone but some work deadline or other cause of stress is. I would love to have a Sunday afternoon sex date to look forward to.

I say go for it!


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

tiredandout said:


> He finds it too clinical. He also has started to resent me saying directly: "Let's go get busy!"





> For me it would be marvellous to schedule an intimate time to:


I agree with your post, that's how it should be, but he doesn't associate scheduling with _scheduling 'time together'_. Intimate time as you say.

If you both have taken care of your body with bath/shower, you wear sexy lingery, the room with romantic lighting, nice scents, soft music, and then you start cudling, kissing....._Then_ the idea of having sex will not seem clinical at all!

Sometimes (when really too tired) we replace having sex by laying naked folded into eachother, so there needs to be no obligation, we do that to keep the interest and our schedule 'alive'


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

I forget to mention you need an extra heater for your bedroom to make it really nice for you both. I would not advise to wear socks  :


<<3. Give Her Socks, Help Her Orgasm
OK, so the socks themselves may not be solely responsible for her “O” face. But the temperature in your bedroom may play a bigger role than you thought, according to a Dutch study. “At the beginning of our trials, only 50 percent of our female subjects were able to reach orgasm,” says study author Gert Holstege, M.D., Ph.D., chairman of the center for uroneurology at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands. “But we learned they were uncomfortable because they had cold feet. We gave them socks, and 80 percent reached orgasm.” The magic behind the socks? In order to calm her amygdala and prefrontal cortex—the brain areas responsible for anxiety, fear, and danger signals—you need to create a pleasant environment that makes her feel safe, secure, and comfortable, Holstege explains.>>

http://news.menshealth.com/crazy-sex-studies/2012/09/22/


----------



## Carpe (May 12, 2012)

As with many couples, I have a considerably stronger sex drive than my wife. I would happily have sex every day or twice a day. But she doesn't feel the same way. For years I was always trying to initiate sex, and getting lucky about once a week. The rest of the time I would end up feeling hurt and resentful. For the last several years we have had a regularly scheduled date every Sunday morning. I still wouldn't mind some greater frequency, but basically the schedule has been great: I don't get turned down anymore, and the certainty has taken away the tension. I *don't* find it any less romantic or satisfying - if anything it's the opposite. I look forward to it all week.


----------



## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I once read an article about designating Monday as "Masturbation Monday" and Thursday as "Touch and Tease Thursday"....I kind of liked this idea. Oh, my mind also quickly formulated a suggestion for what Friday could be designated as.

I suggested this to my wife but didn't get much traction with it. In reality, it seems easier to be spontaneous and go with the flow of our busy lives.


----------

