# 10 months and counting



## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

It's now been 10 months since my wife moved out. I see her several times per week. We still get along. Not much has changed on her part. She still doesn't spend nearly enough time with our kids as far as I'm concerned. I recently told her that the kids will never have anything to do with the man she lives with. The kids are embarrassed that she's with him and it's not going to change. 
I finally sent her the letter I drafted many months ago detailing all I know about the slug's background. That was only Thursday and she had to leave town the next day so I haven't had any feedback. She doesn't want to be with me. I get it. I'm still deeply saddened by this, but there's not much I can do. I just want this creep out of her life. Why she chooses to be with someone no one likes or respects is beyond me. I will never understand unless there is mental illness or some kind of addiction ( substance or sex...who knows?). 
I'm alone. I don't honestly see myself being with anyone again. I go to therapy every week and will continue to do so, but I can't get over her. I still love her passionately in spite of everything. There's just no light at the end of this tunnel. I'm really getting sick of this life.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Tell me about it. I am sorry you have to go through this too.
I can't get over my H either. I have dreams about him every night, wake up and reality hits me all over again. Living nightmare. 
No matter what I do, where I go, how many self help books I read- nothing ever changes. I'm still in love with him. He's in every thought. It's a battle and I lose everyday. I'm tired and don't know what else to do.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Hugs friends ,why does love hurt so much ?! 
We will make it through all this ,you'll see...we have to make it...there is no other way.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

It's been 9 months for me so we are not too far apart. It's difficult to know the person you live so much is with someone else. Its tough but as stated previously, you can get through it. 10 months is not anything to sneeze at. If it's been that long, you've obviously been through the most difficult times. It gets easier, trust me. Small steps is what you have to think about. Take small steps everyday and you will soon look back and realize just how far you've come. 

I'm with, as are so many others. Just keep your head up and keep moving forward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I think your trying to direct her away from this other guy will only make her resistant to any of your advice. It's her choice whether the "creep" is in her life or not and she apparently sees a different side to him than everyone else. I'm not saying you are wrong about what YOU see in him, but you should know by now that we usually have to learn lifes lessons by the mistakes we make.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

I don't want to go back on anti-depressants, but lately she is all I think about. It's bordering on an obsession. My mind is telling me it's over, but my heart won't leave it alone. I see her and I want her. When I know she's hurting from her fibromyalgia, I hurt. I want so badly to help and I can't. I'm just spinning my wheels.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

BigToe said:


> I think your trying to direct her away from this other guy will only make her resistant to any of your advice. It's her choice whether the "creep" is in her life or not and she apparently sees a different side to him than everyone else. I'm not saying you are wrong about what YOU see in him, but you should know by now that we usually have to learn lifes lessons by the mistakes we make.


Such wise words. It's taken me a while to understand this but Big Toe, is right. You trying to steer her back to you will not work. She has to find her way back to you if it is ever going to happen. 

I know it's hard to not think about her. I know. Trust me, i've been there too. But what I've learned is focusing on our waywards doesn't do much to help US. Take care of yourself. Let everything else take care of itself.


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> Such wise words. It's taken me a while to understand this but Big Toe, is right. You trying to steer her back to you will not work. She has to find her way back to you if it is ever going to happen.
> 
> I know it's hard to not think about her. I know. Trust me, i've been there too. But what I've learned is focusing on our waywards doesn't do much to help US. Take care of yourself. Let everything else take care of itself.


Thanks for the feedback folks. Maybe I'm just having a rough weekend. My daughter is away to NY state with her Mom for the weekend and my son is at a friend's. Empty nest syndrom I guess  It makes for a very lonely time.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

krin:

My stbxh rented space in my head constantly. I mean I thought about him way too much. Analyzed every small expression, listened to every conversation if possible, drove myself nuts...just nuts.

Then one day, I started IC, group therapy, self help books, blogging, reading, sharing and it began to lessen.

We live in an inhouse separation, divorce is on the 19th of this month.

Now what I do when stbxh starts taking control of my mind I say the Serenity Prayer and it blocks it. I don't care how many times I have to say it but it HELPS. Use something to block it and you will train your mind and control your mind.

We do not want to get stuck. We all need to move forward. Use every tool you come across because this is your LIFE and how you live it is up to you. Quality, right!


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## KRinOnt (Oct 19, 2010)

Bizarre week. Tues: wife takes laptop to oldest son (24) complaining it won't load right, slow etc. Son informs her it's virused, clogged with spyware and full of porn, hidden all over the C drive. Nasty porn....degradation, humiliation.....pretty offensive by all accounts. Wife reportedly quite angry.

Wed: I finally send the letter I've been holding onto for many months in which I divulge everything I've learned about said porn-monger.....criminal past, including break and enter and drug dealing, attempted rape, welfare, crystal-meth usage, welfare fraud, DUI conviction, deadbeat dad, the list goes on. Also discloses that our kids hate and will never accept him.
Thurs: wife leaves for long weekend escape with daughter and they have a wonderful time until they return on Sun. BF is sitting on Grandpa's porch drunk when they return and daughter immediately starts crying. Wife, demonstrating uncharacteristic thickness tries to explain to daughter that she's simply not over the fact that we are no longer together. Daughter then reluctantly informs Mom that isn't the problem. The problem is BF whom she despises.
Rough week for the ex. No one has heard from her since. I'm not sure if she's hiding out of guilt or she's angry.


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