# I might be getting something right!!



## kaladarr (Sep 17, 2010)

I have masturbated to porn quite a bit through the years.
My wife and I had real problems to do with it.
As of probably the last couple of months I have just plain started losing interest in the activity as well as porn.
At that I used to just want to have the sex "acts".
The physical part of sex. If you know what I mean.
Now I feel "different". It is so weird.
If I do not get conscience hear felt attention from my wife, I just do not want the orgasm anymore. I would rather feel "connected" emotionally with my wife. Would rather see and feel her desire to be with me.
I feel this is a good thing. I just get a little frustrated with the frequency of her attention. I feel as if I am still to focused on getting my "self confidence" from her desire for me.
It is a work in progress though.
Thanks for listening.
With all the negatives about porn and spousal disagreement, I wanted to share a small success story in the struggle for being a happier ,well balanced person and spouse.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Yes, that is a fulfilling development. 

How do you think this happened? 

What made you lose interest in porn, and become more interested in connecting with your wife instead?


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

Sara Ann said:


> Yes, that is a fulfilling development.
> 
> How do you think this happened?
> 
> What made you lose interest in porn, and become more interested in connecting with your wife instead?


trust me when i say that there arent anymore quality pornos out there! basically, it's all wham bang thank you ma'am with different people repeating the "procedure" again n again n again! 

it too has bore the sh*t outta me! lol


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

That's interesting. I heard some of the female directors/producers make great porn. Not true? I don't get turned on at all by the fakeness of it all, the fake orgasms, the viagra-fueled co&&s, the guys just banging away at the women. I'll tell you this - I have not seen a porn star who knows how to please a woman!!! The cast members, esp women have had a ton of surgery (labiaplasty, skin around anus bleached, breast implants), they don't even look like real people.

I think I could get turned on watching a real couple, who desire each other deeply. But then again, I don't want to go down that road - who knows where it could lead? As kaladrr has noted, it is simply not satisfying.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

Sara Ann said:


> That's interesting. I heard some of the female directors/producers make great porn. Not true? I don't get turned on at all by the fakeness of it all, the fake orgasms, the viagra-fueled co&&s, the guys just banging away at the women. I'll tell you this - I have not seen a porn star who knows how to please a woman!!! The cast members, esp women have had a ton of surgery (labiaplasty, skin around anus bleached, breast implants), they don't even look like real people.
> 
> I think I could get turned on watching a real couple, who desire each other deeply. But then again, I don't want to go down that road - who knows where it could lead? As kaladrr has noted, it is simply not satisfying.


i am just playing the devil's advocate here, have u tried going to a swingers' club? i am NOT asking u nor ur hubby to swap partners. what i am suggesting is that the couples there do not mind others watching them mating, and since u said u get even more turned on, u may wanna give it a try


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

malmale, that's an interesting suggestion. I will give that some thought.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

Sara Ann said:


> malmale, that's an interesting suggestion. I will give that some thought.


do let us know if ur progress, would be very happy to know if it'll in any ways boost ur relationship.

cheerio n nites, it's 0030 am and am catching my flight the next day


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

I have thought that, and some other options, over, and decided to play these games with my H instead.


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## Braelynn21203 (Oct 4, 2010)

My husband and I sometimes watch porn together to see if there is a position we arent thinking of that we would like to try. And I agree, porn these days is horrible. My husband always comments that it's sad that the music in the porn is more interesting then the actors. I agree. Especially the super fake ones where you just flat out know they're not really having sex.

But congrats to you for wanting to become emotionally closer to your wife. That's a very important thing to a woman (especially me). Hope it's going well for you.


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## kaladarr (Sep 17, 2010)

Thanks for the nice replies. 
I would say that my sobriety has been the most contributing factor to how I came to feel the way I do.
Being under the influence I was closing my eyes to my own feelings and the goings on around me.
When I started "seeing" what was going on around me and experiencing my own feelings more clearly, I came to the conclusion to make things better.
My perceptions of what I am "really" asking for and looking for from my wife to be content are dramatically changed.
I have not been "being" with her. I have just been being physical with her for the lust satisfaction. I believe that is why I have not been happy. I also believe that is part of why she as not been happy either.
Also I have to go with Mal and say porn is all the same for the most part. I definitely do not see any "real" relationship between the partners. Even the amateur stuff out there is pretty much just the physical act of "sex".
I am really tired of my views having been a love/hate/love perception of women and sexuality.
It just has been too hard to love my wife and then really resent women because of some really askew views.
I wanted to degrade her and use her for pleasure. I saw her and women as many people ,mostly men have seen women.
As a pretty pleasure object without any concern of what they feel or want.
To be honest, if my wife ever gave me what I was once looking for I would not be able to trust her. It would only reinforce the views that women are out for bigger and better sexual experiences and only "use" sex as a tool to manipulate men.
I really do not wish to see or feel this way about my wife or any women anymore.
I know that some men see things this way and some women do too.
I do not want that to be us.
I really wish for my wife to honestly want to connect with me and desire to share with me herself way more than just in bed.
Oh I still want to have good old dirty lustful sex. 
I just refuse to keep seeing things like this.


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## HeavenSent (Oct 7, 2010)

My husband and me-​We use too always, watch porns together. Back in the day- he always really thought that I liked them but I really didn't - I for one do not find it right. I am really stuck on "people making love with the ones they are with" My husband he only watched them because he always thought I liked them; So, we never really got anywhere- Now, we do not watch it- and I still feel the same about porns- I do not think they are right and it is just showing that "sex" (I hate that word) is something you should be no matter what. Now, see when kids see these things that is what they will end up thinking. When we as parters are tying to tell them not to do anything until you are married- or some say make sure you are in love.​
I think though porn is overrated​I think that porn is overrated and there is way to much of it- just like there is much of unloved sex, unwanted children and also kids having kids...​


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

kaladarr - I can relate to you! After I got off my pills earlier this year, I changed from "cold and distant" to very affectionate and totally in love with my H. He can't believe the change. I have the same longing for him as when we met 30 yrs ago, except it's a deeper longing instead of the fluttery excitement. I love your story!!
!!


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

HeavenSent said:


> ...
> I think though porn is overrated​I think that porn is overrated and there is way to much of it- just like there is much of unloved sex, unwanted children and also kids having kids...​


am not against anything from the west, but this is exactly why i have banned western porn, totally! u shud try to watch the asian softer porn instead, at least they have better story lines and the acting is much more convincing! but u may need to learn to read korean/japanese/chinese coz have not seen any with english subtitles!


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