# Missing my Wife, bestfriend



## skreut74 (Jul 25, 2017)

My wife and I met on 7/11/2008 and were married a year to the date later in 2009. From the first day we met, we knew we were best friends and soulmates. We did everything together and were happiest when we were together. When we met my wife was aware I had mobility issues due to back problems (from surgery) and chronic gout. Even though I had these problems we always managed to go places and have wonderful times.

During our marriage we lived in a few different places trying to see where we fit in. We started in South Carolina, then moved near some of my relatives in Arkansas. After realizing it was not a good fit for us we moved back to South Carolina..and stayed with her mother and step father. After a while of staying with her relatives , her mother (who is a life long alcoholic) in a drunken stupor, one night decided to kick her husband out of the house...furthermore she decided she was going to try and burn all his clothes in the middle of the living room with my wife and I still in the house. Very shortly after we moved in with my parents. 

Eventually my wife got a hankering to move back to Jacksonville fL where she grew up...because she loved the beach. I agreed to move to make her happy. In Florida our funds were limited, but we still made it financially, pay the bills, and have fun. My wife talked me into going back to school to pursue a career in medical coding...and soon after I started school. After I finished school I got a job doing medical coding from home. During this time I noticed my wife was becoming unhappy with her job, and began “job hopping”. She would always find and excuse why she didn't like a job..mainly it was always due to a co-worker she did not get along with.

One day out of the blue my wife expresses to me she wants to move back to South Carolina..so we could be back by our family. Being able to do my work from anywhere I agreed, and we moved back to SC and back in with my parents in 2013. My wife quickly found a decent paying temp to perm position at BMW, while still pursing her online schooling. 8 moth later we had enough money saved up to buy a house. In August of 2014 we moved into our new home.

About a year into living in our home, my wife who always had ”the grass is greener on the other side” attitude, decided to leave her good job at BMW and go to another company. The company was not what she hoped for and again my wife started to “job hop”. In early 2016 the company I was coding for started outsourcing work, which left very little work for their Us employees, so due to lack of work coming in I decided to look for other jobs. I had expressed several times to my wife how I no longer enjoyed coding but I continued to search for coding jobs to bring in money. Toward the middle of 2016 I had found a job at a shady, fly by night coding company, who on a normal basis could not even keep there servers up long enough for me to code charts on a daily basis. I ended up leaving that job due to lack of work.

Around this time my back and gout issues became worse, and my wife suggested applying for disability. My wife assured me we would be financially OK during this process with the income she made and her school money. My wife has always been generous and always loved buying things for people..and during this time she continued to spend money. And wanted to go places. During a trip to Charleston SC, my wife told me she funded the trip by getting a payday loan..but assured me it would be paid off ASAP with her school money. Christmas 2016 came and went and my wife had acquired several new credit cards...and continued to buy things for everyone.

Fast forward to February of this year...disability started to process and work on my claim, and my wife who handled all the finances explained to me money was a bit tight, BUT by this July we would be back on track, and by then hoped my disability would be approved.
In May of this year my wife decided to tell me exactly how bad in debt we were. Over several months she had token out several more payday type loans and she was up to 5k in debt in just payday loans. We had an argument and my wife blamed me for the financial bind, saying I never told her I left my last coding job...and it was all my fault. She told me she felt betrayed and she didn't know if she could trust me anymore, and she was probably leaving me. She ended up coming home that night after she said she talked to her “friend” Travis. Travis is a guy she met at a job she was at for a short period of time. When she was at that job all I would hear was how great Travis was and how funny he was, etc, ect. She knew I was uncomfortable with her talking about this guy, but I was always accused of not wanting to let her have friends.

So that night she came back and we agreed to work it out..and again..she said in July we would be fine on finances. The next few weeks were OK..with the occasional argument. Tward the end of may my wife's mother (life long alcoholic and smoker) was diagnosed with Small Cell lung cancer. Even though we have a 3 bedroom house, the support of my family to help take her mother to treatments and such, and the ability to keep an eye on her mother during the day...my wife decided to go stay with her mother and leave our home. She started finding more excuses why she couldn't come home and visit...her mother didn't feel well, she didn't feel well, etc.

I started taking some online courses recently and my school money had come in one Monday last month. My wife was very eager to see me then..she came home so we could deposit the money and make sure I had plenty of food in the house. We even ended up having sex before she left to go back to her mothers (who only lives 30 minutes away).

The weeks following were awful...one day she would call me and say she missed me, then 2 days later she would say she could not deal with her mother, work, and me...then 2 days later she loved me again. All the while she still said she could not come home even for a few hours because she had to watch her mother (although her mother was home alone all day while she was at work). At the end of June she went on an over night trip to Pittsburgh for work..she left on Sunday and was coming back to Sc on Monday. Sunday she kept me posted of when her planes landed and when she arrived...and even called before she went to bed to say she loved me. On Monday..she would not answer texts, calls , or email. Finally after worrying about her all day she called and told me she can't handle it anymore and she could not be my “everything” anymore. She had always told me almost everyday she was my everything. That night we argued and I told her I wanted my engagement ring back (it is a family heirloom from the 1940s), and I was going to meet her at the airport when her flight got in to get it. I was waiting at the airport..but she dodged me somehow and left without giving me the ring. That night she deleted me off her facebook page, along with my entire family.

Two days later she loved me again and wanted to work it out. I asked her several times if she was sure she wanted to be with me...each time she said yes. The following Sunday she wanted to go out for lunch and a movie. We went out and after the movie she was feeling sick..we still managed to go to lunch (talking, holding hands,touching, kissing). When she dropped me off at the house she wanted to get more clothes, so she took more work clothes and such. Our 8th anniversary was coming up on the 11th..so she was going to try and come over that day..she had also planned to go out with me that Thursday night (the 13th), and wanted to come over that Saturday (the 15th).

On the 11th, our Anniversary, she text me early that morning to say Happy Anniversary. Later on I called her and she told me she was not coming over. She sounded very cold...and uncaring. I asked her if she was still sure she wanted to be with me..and she answered “shes tired of answering that question”. I told her it sounded like she didn't even care if it was our anniversary..to which she replied “I don't care about anything right now!”..so I ended up hanging up on her because I was so upset. Since then she has emailed me a few times...once even saying it's my fault because I hung up on her..and did not call her back ( that was also the day I took my nephew skateboarding and he broke his leg). Also since then if I call her phone goes right to voicemail and she never replies to texts...she claims it's her phoen and the coverage area but it seems like she has me blocked.

This past Friday she emailed and asked if she could come by and get a few more of her clothes, but I had family here so she did not want to come. On Saturday I ended up packing all her clothes up...and letting her know that she could come get them, and she didn't have to bother with me anymore since it seemed like that's what she wants. She told me “just because I am getting all my clothes doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you or bother with you anymore”.

Sunday night at 10pm I get an email from her saying she is at the hospital because she has a kidney stone. I asked her to call me, but she said no because she was being discharged soon. I halfway expected her to call me on her way home...but instead got a text at 1:30am saying she was home, going to bed, and she would get her stuff the next day (Monday).

She came yesterday and got all her clothes I had packed. She didn't want anything sentimental from our last 9 years together..I don't know if she just doesn't care or what. Again..she told me just because she got her stuff doesn't mean she doesn't want to be bothered with me. She also asked before she left “Can I call you later?”. I told her calling was all up to her since for some reason my calls and texts won't go through to her. I never received a call from her and nothing from her today as of yet.


My biggest problem is how confused I am because she seems to flip flop back and forth between loving me and not wanting anything to do with me...saying she will call, then not calling, etc. I know her mothers chances with her cancer are not that great....is my wife just keeping things open in case she needs me one day again? Trying to figure out what is going on is kind of driving me a bit crazy. Do I go into no contact mode if she does contact me???

All I know is I miss my best friend...and the one person I could always talk to about my problems..is the one person I can't talk to about this problem.

Any advice on what I should do would be extremely appreciated.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

skreut74 said:


> My wife and I met on 7/11/2008 and were married a year to the date later in 2009. From the first day we met, we knew we were best friends and soulmates. We did everything together and were happiest when we were together. When we met my wife was aware I had mobility issues due to back problems (from surgery) and chronic gout. Even though I had these problems we always managed to go places and have wonderful times.
> 
> During our marriage we lived in a few different places trying to see where we fit in. We started in South Carolina, then moved near some of my relatives in Arkansas. After realizing it was not a good fit for us we moved back to South Carolina..and stayed with her mother and step father. After a while of staying with her relatives , her mother (who is a life long alcoholic) in a drunken stupor, one night decided to kick her husband out of the house...furthermore she decided she was going to try and burn all his clothes in the middle of the living room with my wife and I still in the house. Very shortly after we moved in with my parents.
> 
> ...


Check your wife's phone bill. She is cheating on you. Probably with "Travis". Sorry.


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## GoingCrazyNow (Jun 28, 2017)

I agree with the guy above me


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

skreut74 said:


> My wife and I met on 7/11/2008 and were married a year to the date later in 2009. From the first day we met, we knew we were best friends and soulmates. We did everything together and were happiest when we were together. When we met my wife was aware I had mobility issues due to back problems (from surgery) and chronic gout. Even though I had these problems we always managed to go places and have wonderful times.
> 
> During our marriage we lived in a few different places trying to see where we fit in. We started in South Carolina, then moved near some of my relatives in Arkansas. After realizing it was not a good fit for us we moved back to South Carolina..and stayed with her mother and step father. After a while of staying with her relatives , her mother (who is a life long alcoholic) in a drunken stupor, one night decided to kick her husband out of the house...furthermore she decided she was going to try and burn all his clothes in the middle of the living room with my wife and I still in the house. Very shortly after we moved in with my parents.
> 
> ...


Is Travis on the scene? Sounds very suspicious to me.
Did you simply give up working, could you have got other jobs?
Go see a lawyer, and see you options. She sounds like she is taking the guy for a test drive and wants you as a back up plan. Make sure she is clear that that option is not available.

Investigate, then tell your family (in fact tell your family now, I suspect she is using her mother's health as an excuse)


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## skreut74 (Jul 25, 2017)

As far as i know she broke contact with Travis awhile back. when she finally got into a good position with her current company he kept trying to get her to get him interviews for jobs with the company. She had told me me she stopped talking to him, and even removed him and his wife from facebook after I voiced my discomfort with her associating with him. 

i did not give up working..I was actively trying to find a job ... non coding when she went ahead and filed my disability papers.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

I'd bet money her and Travis took it underground. Can you get a hold of her cell phone account online?


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## skreut74 (Jul 25, 2017)

We had sprint...but recently switched to Straight Talk. After deciding that i could not count on her to pay the phone bill..i just had a new line added to my parents acct. She still has Straight Talk..so not sure if i could even get into the account.


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## vauxhall101 (Jul 23, 2017)

Um, rather than the whole affair thing with Travis, couldn't it be that her mother is sick, possibly dying? That would be my primary concern if I was her. 

I don't know dude, but if it was me, I'd try and worry a little less about how you're feeling, and a little bit more on how her mother is. 

The other question I guess is: is there any way you can see it working out between the two of you? It sounds like the answer might be 'no'. 

All the best to you anyway, you sound like a good guy.


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## skreut74 (Jul 25, 2017)

vauxhall101 said:


> Um, rather than the whole affair thing with Travis, couldn't it be that her mother is sick, possibly dying? That would be my primary concern if I was her.
> 
> I don't know dude, but if it was me, I'd try and worry a little less about how you're feeling, and a little bit more on how her mother is.
> 
> ...



Actually her mother's health is my concern as well. Her mother lives alone in an apartment 30 minutes away. We have a 3 bed room house...1 bedroom downstairs, 2 upstairs. I suggested she bring her mother here, her mom could have any bedroom she wants..even if it means me and her relocate our bedroom upstairs so her mom doesn't have to walk the stairs. My family and I even offered to take her mother to her radiation and chemo treatments so my wife did not have to leave work everyday to do it. Plus my family offered to move her stuff from her apartment to our house. I suggested IF her mother does recover..she can stay with us indefinitely if she wanted to. either my wife or her mother does not want this.....for some reason. 

as far as it working out....I am all for working it out..and at times with her flip flopping it seemed like she did too. But that's the confusing part.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

She seems unstable.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

TheTruthHurts said:


> She seems unstable.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Agree. Her behavior is erratic and all over the map. My advice is to move on, because I honestly believe she has moved on from you.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Naïveté at its finest.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Good relationships have more stability.

I'm certain she's lost respect for you because the plan is always hers - and deep down she hates herself.

How is she to respect someone who lives to make someone she hates happy?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

TheTruthHurts said:


> She seems unstable.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I agree with this. All the constant moving and job hopping, I would not be able to stand that. Now add another man into the mess... no thank you. Let her go.


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

My newly-developed BPD radar is going off. There are a lot of threads here about that. But the only thing is, I'm surprised your whole relationship hasn't been like this. I'm also wondering about this Travis guy.


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## StuckInLove (Jun 6, 2017)

I know it's hard to hear, but you gotta dump this chick and start the healing process. You miss her because she's stringing you along. Just as someone said above, her eye is on Travis (or someone else) and wants to keep you as her "Justin Case"....aka her fallback plan. She has 0.000 respect for you, and sounds very selfish. The honeymoon period ended and she realized she wasn't quite as head over heels for you as she thought.

Sorry man, I know it hurts. The sooner you start the process, the sooner you'll feel better.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

skreut74 said:


> All I know is I miss my best friend...and the one person I could always talk to about my problems..is the one person I can't talk to about this problem.
> 
> Any advice on what I should do would be extremely appreciated.


She is too unstable to be a good friend or a reliable wife. The stress she is putting you through is going to lead to further health problems. Think longer term and remove her from your life. While she is in your life, you'll never be happy.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Yes, you guys are done......Start the process moving and protect yourself and you assets asap. Start the 180 right now.


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