# I dont know what to do



## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

Hi there, so last weekend me and my wife got into a fight, I noticed one guy kept liking her posts on Facebook and Instagram constantly for over a month and it was really annoying me! I messaged the guy on Instagram and told him how I felt once my wife found out she completely lost it she doesn't even know the guy and was really embarrassed and screamed at me that I have ruined her life! Now I know I shouldn't have done it but it was upsetting me and now my wife wont talk to me at all, I love my wife to death I worship the ground she walks on and try to be the best husband and dad to our children I can possibly be. I've tried talking to my wife and everytime she tells me to leave her alone and its tearing me to pieces I don't know what to do, I can't eat or sleep I've taken time off work because I can't think straight I don't know if she wants to separate I don't know if she truly meant them words said in anger I'm devastated and just want to talk to her I have tried saying sorry I thought our marriage was good apart from the usual life stress money, work, kids. We separated 7 years ago for 8 months because my wife said she didn't love me and It broke me we managed to sort it out and got back together and had another child I'm just really confused right now and hate every second of this some advice would be much appreciated thank you x


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Chris redfield said:


> Hi there, so last weekend me and my wife got into a fight, I noticed one guy kept liking her posts on Facebook and Instagram constantly for over a month and it was really annoying me! I messaged the guy on Instagram and told him how I felt


So, some guy liking all of my wife's posts would be a red flag for me and I'd want to look into it. It's a little late now but you really should have talked to your wife about it, not this other guy. Or talked to no one and looked further into it in case it's an affair. 

Did your wife block/unfriend him? If she's against it, why? 



> Once my wife found out she completely lost it she doesn't even know the guy and was really embarrassed and screamed at me that I have ruined her life!


So, if your wife doesn't even know the guy then why does she have him on Facebook and Instagram? I will never understand people who don't keep their social media "private". Most of them are attention seekers, IMO. And also, if she doesn't even know this guy than how can a little embarrassment possibly "ruin her life"? Dramatic much?

What did the guy say when you talked to him?



> Now my wife wont talk to me at all .... I've tried talking to my wife and every time she tells me to leave her alone


You and your wife _really_ need to get into marriage counseling and learn how to communicate and resolve conflict properly. I have a feeling whatever issues you had that caused your prior separation were swept under the rug. Has there been "controlling" or "jealous" issues with you in the past? Her reaction seems a bit extreme if this is a one-off.


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

So, before you contacted the guy, had you spoken to your wife about this?
Did you ask her if she knew him, did you ask her to block him (I don't use either of these sites, but presume it's an option).

Do you have any reason to suspect that she is cheating with him, or is messaging with him secretly?


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Chris redfield said:


> screamed at me that I have ruined her life!


Hmm.

Seems a teeny bit over the top, don't ya think?

Has she always been a drama queen?


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## midatlanticdad (Jul 24, 2018)

Chris redfield said:


> Hi there, so last weekend me and my wife got into a fight, I noticed one guy kept liking her posts on Facebook and Instagram constantly for over a month and it was really annoying me! I messaged the guy on Instagram and told him how I felt once my wife found out she completely lost it she doesn't even know the guy and was really embarrassed and screamed at me that I have ruined her life! Now I know I shouldn't have done it but it was upsetting me and now my wife wont talk to me at all, I love my wife to death I worship the ground she walks on and try to be the best husband and dad to our children I can possibly be. I've tried talking to my wife and everytime she tells me to leave her alone and its tearing me to pieces I don't know what to do, I can't eat or sleep I've taken time off work because I can't think straight I don't know if she wants to separate I don't know if she truly meant them words said in anger I'm devastated and just want to talk to her I have tried saying sorry I thought our marriage was good apart from the usual life stress money, work, kids. We separated 7 years ago for 8 months because my wife said she didn't love me and It broke me we managed to sort it out and got back together and had another child I'm just really confused right now and hate every second of this some advice would be much appreciated thank you x


she is in a relationship w this guy i will bet u . did he reply


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

bobert said:


> So, some guy liking all of my wife's posts would be a red flag for me and I'd want to look into it. It's a little late now but you really should have talked to your wife about it, not this other guy. Or talked to no one and looked further into it in case it's an affair.
> 
> 
> So, if your wife doesn't even know the guy then why does she have him on Facebook and Instagram? I will never understand people who don't keep their social media "private". Most of them are attention seekers, IMO. And also, if she doesn't even know this guy than how can a little embarrassment possibly "ruin her life"? Dramatic much?
> ...


No I don't think I've ever been controlling I do get jealous because I know in this day and age people on social media especially men are only after one thing I know I should have talked to my wife first and I really don't know why she had him on her Facebook or Instagram.
I really hate social media it causes so many problems in people's relationships I was wrong and should have talked to my wife about it first it didn't help that I said some horrible things to him but I was angry.
Our past problems we sorted out and for years we were brilliant together and I never want to go through what we went through 7 years ago! My wife is a brilliant person but when we argue she just goes in a shell and I can't get her to talk which is really frustrating. I don't think anything is going on with the guy he's a lot younger and just your typical social media creep. I'm terrified of my family breaking up I would do anything for my wife and kids they are my world


EveningThoughts said:


> So, before you contacted the guy, had you spoken to your wife about this?
> Did you ask her if she knew him, did you ask her to block him (I don't use either of these sites, but presume it's an option).
> 
> Do you have any reason to suspect that she is cheating with him, or is messaging with him secretly?


I didn't say anything to her but the guy sent her a screenshot of my message to him and then I got a txt from her saying why has a random guy sent me a screenshot of this message and then she said that she was embarrassed and hasn't talked to me since this happened on Saturday and its still not resolved it's breaking my heart I haven't eaten can't sleep and just hate the situation she wants me to leave her alone and I'm trying to do that she is very stubborn is my wife and does talk a long time to calm down this is the longest we've gone without talking ever and it's draining me I can't focus I don't know if she really meant that I've ruined her life I've tried to give her everything I can possibly can and I do consider myself a nice person I can get grumpy but that's just with the stresses of modern day life I adore my wife and think the world of her and I just don't know what to do I know I was wrong doing what I did and wish I never did it.


midatlanticdad said:


> she is in a relationship w this guy i will bet u . did he reply


No he didn't he didn't have the guts to reply just blocked me I really don't think she is but her reaction is starting to make me wonder 


syhoybenden said:


> Hmm.
> 
> Seems a teeny bit over the top, don't ya think?
> 
> Has she always been a drama queen?


That's what I thought l, yes my wife can say things tgat she doesn't mean and can't get really angry our upset when sge argues with someone


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Do what she asks and leave her alone. Let her come to you. Also, stop worshiping her - her behavior doesn't warrant it. You're desperate, it shows and she takes advantage of it.


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

I know I can come across as desperate but she is my wife and the mother of my children we've been together since we were 20 we are both 36 now it's frightening that I could lose her over something like this


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Chris redfield said:


> I really hate social media it causes so many problems in people's relationships I was wrong and should have talked to my wife about it first it didn't help that I said some horrible things to him but I was angry.


While you are right about social media, you don't have the right to fight with your wife because she has it. Everyone has different values and different rights...the way you can choose NOT to have it, she chooses to have it. However, I find it strange that she would say you are ruining her life, over telling some guy she doesn't even know, where to go? I can understand if she was embarrassed by it, but let's be serious, it's not going to 'ruin her life'. What is she, a teenager? 

I might give her some time, don't engage with her too much, and maybe it's time to figure out what's really going on, on her social media? Does she give you access to it (ex. passwords, etc). I have Instagram, so my husband will ask me randomly at different times that he wants to check it, so he goes through posts and messages to see if I'm doing anything fishy lol. Then he feels stupid when he doesn't find anything, but I would never deny him the access.


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

GC1234 said:


> While you are right about social media, you don't have the right to fight with your wife because she has it. Everyone has different values and different rights...the way you can choose NOT to have it, she chooses to have it. However, I find it strange that she would say you are ruining her life, over telling some guy she doesn't even know, where to go? I can understand if she was embarrassed by it, but let's be serious, it's not going to 'ruin her life'. What is she, a teenager?
> 
> I might give her some time, don't engage with her too much, and maybe it's time to figure out what's really going on, on her social media? Does she give you access to it (ex. passwords, etc). I have Instagram, so my husband will ask me randomly at different times that he wants to check it, so he goes through posts and messages to see if I'm doing anything fishy lol. Then he feels stupid when he doesn't find anything, but I would never deny him the access.


Hi there thanks for your reply, no I don't have access to her social media and have never asked for it I have been very trusting since we have been together I know what I did was wrong but fo Mr her to be the way she is now it just doesn't add up I might come across as needy and maybe that is pushing her away but I have always wanted to resolve conflict as soon as possible very rare do we fight apart from the usual married couple stuff but this is just getting on ridiculous now she won't stay in the same room as me or acknowledge me


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## Rooster2015 (Jun 12, 2015)

You need marriage counseling for sure. My wife has 24/7 access to my ipad and phone. I with hers. She is my best friend so we do not have secrets. When your spouse is your best friend there is none of this. Go to counseling to find the root of the problem. Do not wait till its to late. JMO


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

I would go to counselling but I just know she wouldn't even entertain the idea I'm really lost at what to do at the moment I love this woman dearly I know she knows that but I just can't talk to her at the moment


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Chris redfield said:


> I would go to counselling but I just know she wouldn't even entertain the idea I'm really lost at what to do at the moment I love this woman dearly I know she knows that but I just can't talk to her at the moment


First, why is there a person on her social media she does not know? Second, why is your W upset her life is ruined because you told a stranger on your W social media to go crap in his hat? Perhaps this "stranger" on your W social media is not a stranger after all. 

Maybe your W should entertain a look at passive aggressive attitude she has with you. 

Take your W off that pedestal.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

You mentioned your wife doesn’t know this guy and some have questioned why she would have them on her social media. I have no idea what the nature of your wife’s social media is, but some people are friend collectors. I have people on my social media that I’ve never met, but I also do a lot of community work and fundraising so at times people friend request me to donate or get information. As long as they’re respectful, I keep them. There was one guy last December that seemed to like everything I posted and my husband questioned it. But the difference was, he asked ME about it and wasn’t upset. Once I showed my husband that the guy was just a serial “liker”, had never been inappropriate, that we’d never had a conversation and offered to delete the guy, my husband was fine. I have deleted and blocked others who have been inappropriate without my husband even bringing it up.



You mentioned that you were not very nice in your message to the man. That seems a bit extreme over some “likes”. If the guy is younger (depending on age) a lot of young people like literally EVERYTHING posted on Instagram. My 2 oldest kids are almost 17 and 19 and a few of their friends follow me (only the ones I’ve met). Every single one of them like everything I post. I’m talking dog pictures, houseplant pictures, etc. One of them is a college football player at a pretty prestigious college and we joke every time he “likes” one of my pictures that he’ll give us free tickets. I’ve watched my 19 year old daughter scroll her Instagram and double tap every picture she comes across.



With that being said, I think your wife’s reaction is pretty over the top. But I do have to wonder with how angry you said your message was and your highly emotional reaction to it, if jealousy/control out of fear is a common issue in your marriage and your wife is fed up with it. Seems like a pretty emotional reaction for a first time thing.


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## Rooster2015 (Jun 12, 2015)

Chris redfield said:


> I would go to counselling but I just know she wouldn't even entertain the idea I'm really lost at what to do at the moment I love this woman dearly I know she knows that but I just can't talk to her at the moment


Let her know you think the marriage is in trouble and you think marriage counselling may help. Ask her if she is willing to go. As others have said take her off the pedestal and wait to see her next move. Let her come to you.


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

Chris redfield said:


> I know I can come across as desperate but she is my wife and the mother of my children we've been together since we were 20 we are both 36 now it's frightening that I could lose her over something like this


Don't go there. That line of thought is only going to bring you misery. You are essentially handing her the power of your well being. Your happiness is being based on 'worshipping the ground she walks on' and putting on this pedestal that sounds like she hasn't earnt.

Assertive behaviour is what you are missing. No, I'm not advocating to be a domineering asshole, but start to set some boundaries for her (and yourself) about what is acceptable behaviour _and stick to them_.

She is screaming and yelling at you because you allow it to happen, you don't draw that 'line in the sand' and nip it in the bud, so when next time she gets revved up, she will remember previously that you wouldn't put up with it.

Your scenario has many some parallels with what I have dealt with in a 'previous life', and if you don't start putting your foot down now... Well...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

This is way suspect to be rife with untruths from your W.

Let's see, you tell someone she SAYS she doesn't know, to back off my W, and she goes ballistic on YOU? 

Coupled with some history of your W in the past, similar, where she also said she doesn't love you, etc, just screams she's stepping out on you.

Making you her paycheck and home base only while she plays the field.

Btw, these are the only times you know about the signs are there is more subterfuge you have no idea is happening. 

Dude, prepare yourself for independence here.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Chris redfield said:


> I know I can come across as desperate but she is my wife and the mother of my children we've been together since we were 20 we are both 36 now it's frightening that I could lose her over something like this


16 years isn't 25 years, so now is the time before your M continues for years and still dissolves after more years of misery.

She's shown you by her actions she's that fir years, now, she's unstable and untrustworthy. 

Now, now, now. You're still in your prime.


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## Imagirl (Aug 17, 2020)

If I had a fb contact I had never met and my bf were to message him it would in no way ruin my life. That's just odd. I


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Seven years ago your wife admitted, not being in love with you.
Nothing has changed on her part.

You are a nice guy, Chris, too nice.
You come across as a clinging vine, that is choking off her tendencies of being 'more' independent.

During that separation, seven years ago, did she date other men?

She too, has self esteem problems.
Proof of this, is the fact that she returned to a marriage where she is not a happy lady.

She is trying to emotionally grow and to be more open and friendly.

Was this other younger bloke trying to win her over?
Maybe, though he sounds the fisherman.
He is trolling the internet.

Him screen shooting your response tells me he is oddly close to your wife.
Such that, they have talked about life and their relationship problems.

That was a ballsy move on his part.

Internet strangers, simply, do not do this.
They smirk and move on.

He made sure your wife knew what you did.
Why? To drive a wedge between you and her.

So, obvious.



_King Brian-_


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You _worship the ground she walks on_?

Why do you worship so much a woman who previously said she wasn't in love with you and reacts like this to conflict?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Livvie said:


> You _worship the ground she walks on_?
> 
> Why do you worship so much a woman who previously said she wasn't in love with you and reacts like this to conflict?



Listen to @Livvie . 

Reread and let that sink in, ol buddy.


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

Nailhead said:


> First, why is there a person on her social media she does not know? Second, why is your W upset her life is ruined because you told a stranger on your W social media to go crap in his hat? Perhaps this "stranger" on your W social media is not a stranger after all.
> 
> Maybe your W should entertain a look at passive aggressive attitude she has with you.
> 
> Take your W off that pedestal.


Thanks for your reply I really don't know my wife can say things in anger and has a very hot head I do trust her and never had a thought of her being unfaithful I spoke to someone whos partner did a similar thing and they said it was embarrassing and they wouldn't talk to their partner about it I am just hoping that she can calm down and start to talk to me I hate this kind of conflict and it never does me any good I've lost a lot of weight over the last few days as I'm sick with worry it's a horrible situation and one I would like to solve as soon as possible


Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Listen to @Livvie .
> 
> Reread and let that sink in, ol buddy.


I really don't know my heads all over the place right now I hate this tension its driving me crazy


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Chris redfield said:


> Thanks for your reply I really don't know my wife can say things in anger and has a very hot head I do trust her and never had a thought of her being unfaithful I spoke to someone whos partner did a similar thing and they said it was embarrassing and they wouldn't talk to their partner about it I am just hoping that she can calm down and start to talk to me I hate this kind of conflict and it never does me any good I've lost a lot of weight over the last few days as I'm sick with worry it's a horrible situation and one I would like to solve as soon as possible
> 
> I really don't know my heads all over the place right now I hate this tension its driving me crazy


Every comment in your response reinforces your W isn't trustworthy and certainly isn't stable, and should reinforce that your preparing for a life separated from her will be best for you.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

From @SunCMars ; 
Seven years ago your wife admitted, not being in love with you.
Nothing has changed on her part.

You are a nice guy, Chris, too nice.
You come across as a clinging vine, that is choking off her tendencies of being 'more' independent.

During that separation, seven years ago, did she date other men?


I'd like that a hundred times...


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Chris redfield said:


> I don't think anything is going on with the guy he's a lot younger and just your typical social media creep. I'm terrified of my family breaking up I would do anything for my wife and kids they are my world


So, your WIFE would destroy her marriage over a GUY that she DOESN'T KNOW sending him YOUR message because she is now "embarrassed"? THAT is a reason for her to do this? SERIOUSLY? Did you get to see HIS message to her? If not, why not? She should show you that message -- I bet there is a lot more in there than "hey your husband went off on me for liking a picture".



Chris redfield said:


> her saying why has a random guy sent me a screenshot of this message and then she said that she was embarrassed and hasn't talked to me since


Again, a "random guy" sending this to her sends her off into a tailspin and now she won't talk to you? So, it is VERY likely not some "random guy" -- it is someone she has at LEAST an online relationship with. Since he sent her a PM, HOW would "everyone know" to embarrass her so much? If its just embarrassment is just with "random guy" WHY does she care so much?


Chris redfield said:


> since we were 20 we are both 36 now it's frightening that I could lose her over something like this


IF SHE is willing to lose your marriage over something like this, what does this tell you? She has NO respect for you or your marriage.


Chris redfield said:


> I know what I did was wrong but fo Mr her to be the way she is now it just doesn't add up


NO, you did nothing wrong. You saw some red flags and took action to mate-guard and protect your marriage.
As others have said, you should NOT have this type of privacy -- you should be able to see all of her stuff (is she isn't hiding anything, why is she hiding it?).
She is obviously seeking approval in the social media world -- again, another red flag.

You DO need to look up co-dependency and see if that fits you -- NOBODY should have this much sway over you such that it supersedes what you know is right.


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## Mr loyal (Apr 29, 2020)

I hate to say it but this is exactly how I discovered my ex was cheating. It started out with some random guy liking her profile pics. When I asked her who he was she said "nobody" so I did the same as you messaged the guy and told him to back off and stop being a creep. He then revealed that they had been chatting online. When my ex found out I messaged this guy she lost it... big red flag, this was just the tip of the ice burg. Later found out he was not the only guy and they were not just talking.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Online affairs....


Whether the OM is legitimate or honestly representing himself (or not), he is a real person.
This reality is left at TBD. (To be determined).

Almost no affair starts with copulating. 
Even the quickie ONS. 

There has to be some word exchange, that exchange of looks.

Umm.

They start with an exchange of words and views.

Then come the compliments, the woo's and the coo's.

If both parties are single and available, this is the stuff of romance.
Yes, at some point a face-to-face meeting will occur.

If the face-to-face, goes well, it progresses to lip-to-lip, then, all goes lower down on the forensic scale to intercourse.

Discourse, to intercourse, this, of, course.

This chap, the POSOM on the internet, I suspect this (affair) has gotten to the compliment stage, maybe the wooing rage.

Random goes to fan-dom by one, or both parties. 

A woman has what a man wants, it is her true treasure, his happy hunting.



You see....

Your wife is ready.
Your wife is needy.

Your wife is ripe. 
Take a whiff.


_The Typist- _I see the heat off of her rising.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I know, I do...

You love your wife dearly, lucky her, unlucky you.

If you truly love her, let her go.

Let her go and for her to find her sweet spot, her fate.

That would be kind of you.

Prove to her and to us that you are kind and not selfish.

She does not deserve your love and has rejected it. 

She has/had been honest, prior to this, she has.
You be honest, now, admit that she is lost to you.

If you separate for that year and divorce, both of you will happy for this.

Yes, her being happy, sooner than you.

Ah, your time will come, and it will be sweet.



_The Typist-_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

One of the truths of life is that it's extremely uncommon for one partner to be significantly more or less emotionally healthy than the other, in a long-term relationship. That's because healthy people don't stay in relationships with those who aren't. 

Let's face it, OP, your wife is not the only one here who's (more than) a little over the top. You got so worked up because a random guy was liking her social media posts that you had a tantrum and sent him a rage-y message instead of having a conversation with your wife. Now you can't eat, can't sleep, can't work - all because your wife is having a tantrum of her own. You're allowing your wife's behavior to control your moods, your entire emotional being. Is there usually this much overwrought drama in your relationship? 

Now, I have no idea what your wife may or may not be up to with this guy. But, your own over the top reactions, unstable moods, inability to self-regulate and total reliance on your wife as your emotional tether are unhealthy, immature and would be repellant to an emotionally healthy woman. _Both_ of you are emotionally unstable.

As it stands now, you are not only willing to tolerate a whole lot of drama, you're actually attracted to it. Get some individual counseling. Work on your self-esteem and on healthy boundaries. Become someone who wouldn't be utterly destroyed by his woman throwing a fit. If you do, your wife will either learn to behave herself or you'll be okay with letting go of this toxic relationship and finding someone who has some self-control.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am going to disagree with most here. I am a person who has strong boundaries with the opposite sex, and only have family and close friends on social media. However I do think you over reacted to what seems to me to be nothing to worry about. Maybe she just needs to keep her social media to people she actually knows. I can understand why she got annoyed, and hopefully you can both sensibly talk it out.
Its not something to end a marriage over thats for sure.

Also I was wondering why you were checking up on her in this way? I have a facebook account and my husband spends absolutely no time at all worrying about who I am talking to and never ever checks what I am doing on the computer. Thats because we have a trusting relationship, not one where one or both are always checking up on each other.
The only time I can think of that it is justified is if there are mega strong suspicions that an affair is happening.


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## jaremymiles (Oct 8, 2020)

I think you all almost right. And If your relationships strong your partner never uses social media for a conversation with someone else. Read this blog about dating www.happymatches.com/friends-with-benefits


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I have many questions on this situation but lets start with these.

Lets start with how does your wife know this POS ? Friend, coworker, casual acquaintance, facebook stalker (him), friend of a friend, what ? Do you know him?

Next - how did you guys meet and why did you get married ? Was it love at first sight ? For you both or mainly one sided?


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

She says she doesn't know him just a random follower I believe her I've manged a talk a bit she's still mad saying that anybody close to her feels the need to control her I honestly have never noticed myself doing this she has told me to leave her alone she says she's had it with being controlled by everyone I've apologised for making her feel that way it was never my intention to do that, we starting seeing each other casually as young 20 year olds always had a great time very loving to each other we had our daughter and then got married we always got on after we split first time round it was rough I hated it we sorted it out I felt the love from her I always tried to sort any issues, I think she feels she can't have any independence that's what I feel anyway she's out of work and really bored I do love my wife I can't hide that a lot of people would say she's hard work but so am I but i know the brilliant person she is I know marriages go through rough patches and I feel this isn't about the guy I text is it's more about the fact I did it without speaking to her and that has hurt her sorry for the reply I got so much on my mind right now


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

Mr loyal said:


> I hate to say it but this is exactly how I discovered my ex was cheating. It started out with some random guy liking her profile pics. When I asked her who he was she said "nobody" so I did the same as you messaged the guy and told him to back off and stop being a creep. He then revealed that they had been chatting online. When my ex found out I messaged this guy she lost it... big red flag, this was just the tip of the ice burg. Later found out he was not the only guy and they were not just talking.


Sorry to hear my friend, I know I shouldn't have done it I do believe her that nothing has been going on and to be honest the more I think of it I was well out of order for doing it. I truly believe I am not a bad person but I can be a ass on times especially with things like this I will try and give her space but the not talking is torture and trying to get her to talk is impossible without a big row I personally believe the guys a pos because he knows she's married and I for one know I wouldn't keep liking posts of somebody else's wife I really wouldn't as I know how it can make people feel I just went about this the complete wrong way


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

So, a curious thing I just thought about. You said this guy likes everything she posts on facebook and Instagram.



So, if I’m scrolling my feed on either Instagram or facebook and come across a post of my husbands, it will display the name of someone I am friends with first as liking his post. So if I am friends with Joe Blow and he liked my husbands picture – it will say “Joe Blow and 67 others liked this”. If I am not friends with anyone who has liked it, it will simply say “68 people liked this”. Both social media platforms are the same way.



So in essence, for you to KNOW that this man liked every single one of your wifes posts on Instagram and facebook, you either ALSO follow this man (so it pops up Joe Blow and 67 others) or you are expanding the list of likes on these social media platforms to “see” who liked your wives posts.



Now, I sometimes do this when my husband posts something, given the content. If he posts something about the kids or me, I may expand the likes just out of curiosity. If he posts something about basketball, I could care less so I don’t expand the likes.



OP – what is leading you to expand the likes on these posts and look for this man? Is there something you’re suspicious of? Is there history of mistrust where you feel you need to do this? If there’s no reason for you to be expanding the likes and keeping tabs on her likers – this could be considered controlling behavior. Now trust me, I get the need to feel that you have to check. My spouse did cheat and I found out a lot through social media. In fact, social media was the main way I knew when it was going on (the affair was on again, off again). But, if you have no reason to be checking social media to this level, and then aggressively confronting the serial liker (and ESPECIALLY if this is a common controlling behavior with no substance behind it) that MAY be the reason for your wives over the top reaction.



The unfortunate part of this is – it could be either way. Over the top reactions are often a sign of cheating. But on the other hand, they can also come from being tired to death of being controlled and questioned constantly.


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> I am going to disagree with most here. I am a person who has strong boundaries with the opposite sex, and only have family and close friends on social media. However I do think you over reacted to what seems to me to be nothing to worry about. Maybe she just needs to keep her social media to people she actually knows. I can understand why she got annoyed, and hopefully you can both sensibly talk it out.
> Its not something to end a marriage over thats for sure.
> 
> Also I was wondering why you were checking up on her in this way? I have a facebook account and my husband spends absolutely no time at all worrying about who I am talking to and never ever checks what I am doing on the computer. Thats because we have a trusting relationship, not one where one or both are always checking up on each other.
> The only time I can think of that it is justified is if there are mega strong suspicions that an affair is happening.


I just noticed the same guy time and time again kept liking her posts and it was really starting to bother me and I do trust my wife I really do and what I really think she's mad it now is that she thinks I am controlling and she thinks I believe she's been cheating I haven't said it or thought it but I belive she thinks that


LosingHim said:


> So, a curious thing I just thought about. You said this guy likes everything she posts on facebook and Instagram.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I really do get what you are saying and I don't know the guy it was more out of curiosity and I kept noticing it and noticing it and it bothered me I really don't see me as controlling I've never told she couldn't do anything and always supported her with anything she does I get her point of view on this and want to resolved it.its been 5 days now and it's not going anywhere other than my wife saying she's had it with being controlled by everyone in her life and to leave her alone, I do want to leave her alone and try my best to leave her be but we are still in the same house, she hasn't said to leave or anything like that and I'm confused at what do


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Well, apparently you really hit a nerve when you did that and now she’s thinking of every time in her life that she ever felt controlled. It may take awhile for her to let go of this. In the meantime, do what she asked and leave her alone. And definitely take her off that pedestal that you’ve put her on. That’s never a good idea.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Make no mistake here - you were and are completely in the right to be concerned and it is good that you confronted him and his reaction was very telling! He is a snivelling POS who was sniffing around your wife. He thought he would use this to drive a wedge between the two of you - its good that he now knows that you are watching him and have outed his actions. Probably feels uncomfortable about it but more people need to act on their gut feelings in cases like these.

From the sounds of what you have said about her, talking to her before confronting him might have made absolutely no difference to her reaction, though. And I do not really buy her crap about being controlled - she feels limited in her ability to flirt, that's all.


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

manfromlamancha said:


> Make no mistake here - you were and are completely in the right to be concerned and it is good that you confronted him and his reaction was very telling! He is a snivelling POS who was sniffing around your wife. He thought he would use this to drive a wedge between the two of you - its good that he now knows that you are watching him and have outed his actions. Probably feels uncomfortable about it but more people need to act on their gut feelings in cases like these.
> 
> From the sounds of what you have said about her, talking to her before confronting him might have made absolutely no difference to her reaction, though. And I do not really buy her crap about being controlled - she feels limited in her ability to flirt, that's all.


Thanks in a way I wish I didn't do it as I wouldn't be having this conversation but he was really pissing me off, I hate creeps always have we were getting on fine before this she's always on her phone but she is in Facebook groups and has friends all around the world which has never bothered me but this guy to me was going too far


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

Openminded said:


> Well, apparently you really hit a nerve when you did that and now she’s thinking of every time in her life that she ever felt controlled. It may take awhile for her to let go of this. In the meantime, do what she asked and leave her alone. And definitely take her off that pedestal that you’ve put her on. That’s never a good idea.


Ive never meant to put her on a pedestal I'm just very proud to call her my wife I do understand that she feels controlled but that's never been my intention I really don't know where I stand she's not told me to leave the home just to leave her alone she hasn't said she wants to split up I'm just really confused how can I leave her alone when we live together and have kids


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Should she ask you to leave the home - DON'T!


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Should she ask you to leave the home - DON'T!


I really hope it doesn't come to that and my thinking is I wouldn't want to leave and it's a sign of giving up


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Chris redfield said:


> I really hope it doesn't come to that and my thinking is I wouldn't want to leave and it's a sign of giving up


Were you drunk when you sent this person a message?


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Chris redfield said:


> She says she doesn't know him just a random follower I believe her I've manged a talk a bit she's still mad saying that anybody close to her feels the need to control her I honestly have never noticed myself doing this she has told me to leave her alone she says she's had it with being controlled by everyone I've apologised for making her feel that way it was never my intention to do that, we starting seeing each other casually as young 20 year olds always had a great time very loving to each other we had our daughter and then got married we always got on after we split first time round it was rough I hated it we sorted it out I felt the love from her I always tried to sort any issues, I think she feels she can't have any independence that's what I feel anyway she's out of work and really bored I do love my wife I can't hide that a lot of people would say she's hard work but so am I but i know the brilliant person she is I know marriages go through rough patches and I feel this isn't about the guy I text is it's more about the fact I did it without speaking to her and that has hurt her sorry for the reply I got so much on my mind right now


Not buying her story. Eyes wide open my friend. 

And, go down to the health food store and buy a small jar of organic periods. I can't hold my breath long enough to get through that sentence!


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## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

You are NOT wrong with what you did!!!

stay strong!!!


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Chris redfield said:


> *She says she doesn't know him just a random follower *I believe her I've manged a talk a bit she's still mad saying that anybody close to her feels the need to control her I honestly have never noticed myself doing this she has told me to leave her alone she says she's had it with being controlled by everyone I've apologised for making her feel that way it was never my intention to do that, we starting seeing each other casually as young 20 year olds always had a great time very loving to each other we had our daughter and then got married we always got on after we split first time round it was rough I hated it we sorted it out I felt the love from her I always tried to sort any issues, I think she feels she can't have any independence that's what I feel anyway she's out of work and really bored I do love my wife I can't hide that a lot of people would say she's hard work but so am I but i know the brilliant person she is I know marriages go through rough patches and I feel this isn't about the guy I text is it's more about the fact I did it without speaking to her and that has hurt her sorry for the reply I got so much on my mind right now


And what the hell is a "random follower" in her speak? Is she not concerned in the slightest that she has random followers? What is so special about her that she attracts random followers?

I have some pretty daughters and when some creeps see their photos, they try to get closer by "randomly following me". Luckily I have a strict policy for not entertaining random followers and also an in-built radar for these creeps (mind you they all follow a certain style). What comes next is a friend request and when that is rejected, I normally get the "don't you remember me?" to which I normally reply not only do I not remember you but definitely know that I do not know you!

So once again, what is her thinking about "random followers"?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Chris redfield said:


> Ive never meant to put her on a pedestal I'm just very proud to call her my wife I do understand that she feels controlled but that's never been my intention I really don't know where I stand she's not told me to leave the home just to leave her alone she hasn't said she wants to split up I'm just really confused how can I leave her alone when we live together and have kids


You don’t engage her. If she engages you (about the kids, etc.) you respond but you don’t push to talk about this. She’ll get over this when she’s ready. In the meantime, life goes on.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

If this guy is just a "random follower" like she says, then you can tell he is interested in her because he interacts with all of her social media posts. That's social media 101. It's how people hook up using social media. If someone is always interacting with your SO's posts online, you should keep an eye on that person just in case. Sometimes it is innocent but sometimes...

Let's look at this situation objectively. This incident is between you, your wife, and her "random follower" only. You did not make your reaction public. Your wife claims that you sending a rude message to this guy "ruined her life" correct? How did it ruin anything? The only way you sending a private message to some guy could ruin anything for your wife would be if she had some sort of relationship with this person or at least plans for one. That is the question you need to be answered...how did your message to this guy ruin anything for her and what precisely did you ruin? 

Another thing I would think about. If your wife is accepting random followers on social media like that, she is exhibiting attention-seeking behaviors and at the very least this sort of behavior means you should keep an eye on her and her interactions with these people. My experiences with people like this have been poor. 

Lastly and possibly most important, do not leave the house, whatever you do. If you do leave that house for any reason at all, do not be surprised to find the locks changed when you return. Tricking a man into leaving his family is a classic tactic to get rid of you. Once you leave, you lose everything.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

As mentioned many posts before...

Random followers do not screen shoot a husbands nasty message (to him) and then send it to the woman he has no interest in.

He sent that screen shot for a reason.

Find out why.

Why to her?
Why from him, this supposedly random man?

This does not wash.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

LosingHim said:


> I have people on my social media that I’ve never met, but I also do a lot of community work and fundraising so at times people friend request me to donate or get information. As long as they’re respectful, I keep them. There was one guy last December that seemed to like everything I posted and my husband questioned it. But the difference was, he asked ME about it and wasn’t upset. Once I showed my husband that the guy was just a serial “liker”, had never been inappropriate, that we’d never had a conversation and offered to delete the guy, my husband was fine. I have deleted and blocked others who have been inappropriate without my husband even bringing it up.


Exactly this. I'm the same. My husband isn't at all concerned about what I do on social media because he trusts me, knows my login - he wouldn't even have to login to access it anyway as it's always logged in on my computer, and my computer is never locked.

If he did what you did, without even talking to me first I would hit the roof. I would be furious. The difference between me and your wife however, is I would make it clear in no uncertain terms that he was out of line and why. We would likely argue a bit, calm down and move on. Like grown ups.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I feel like I'm reading the thread of an 18 year old lovesick teenage boy who's obsessed with a female who treats him like **** and has ZERO respect for him - but he's so damned *desperate* to continue clinging to her at all costs that he'll take her any way he can have her.

Just....ugh.

There's just *no* dignity in that at all.


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## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

If it was just some random guy, why is she upset?? Also, how did she find out?

If he is just some random guy, You did your job!! You protected your wife and daughters!!!

the fact that she has gotten upset is ANOTHER red flag!!!!

keep your eyes open. If there is something there, they will be taking it underground!!!

good luck and stay strong


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

Bluesclues said:


> Were you drunk when you sent this person a message?


No not drunk just really annoyed


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He isn't a random follower. Your wife is embarrassed over being caught with her pants down. She's pissed that you've ruined her fun. Boo-hoo for her. 

Find your anger. Put it where it belongs - on your wife. And, do NOT leave the house.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

I saw a survey some time back that said that 33% of divorces are the result of problems that began with Facebook. I don't know why people continue to let that crap into their homes.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Chris redfield said:


> I just noticed the same guy time and time again kept liking her posts and it was really starting to bother me and I do trust my wife I really do and what I really think she's mad it now is that she thinks I am controlling and she thinks I believe she's been cheating I haven't said it or thought it but I belive she thinks that
> 
> I really do get what you are saying and I don't know the guy it was more out of curiosity and I kept noticing it and noticing it and it bothered me I really don't see me as controlling I've never told she couldn't do anything and always supported her with anything she does I get her point of view on this and want to resolved it.its been 5 days now and it's not going anywhere other than my wife saying she's had it with being controlled by everyone in her life and to leave her alone, I do want to leave her alone and try my best to leave her be but we are still in the same house, she hasn't said to leave or anything like that and I'm confused at what do


Some see an action to a situation like this as controlling. It is more so what is called, "mate guarding". If you feel you have to mate guard perhaps the relationship is simply not worth the effort?


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

Nailhead said:


> Some see an action to a situation like this as controlling. It is more so what is called, "mate guarding". If you feel you have to mate guard perhaps the relationship is simply not worth the effort?


I understand people think like that but this was a one time thing and I really hope our marriage can come through this it seems really petty and not something to end a marriage over and break up a family


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Chris redfield said:


> I understand people think like that but this was a one time thing and I really hope our marriage can come through this it seems really petty and not something to end a marriage over and break up a family


I concur. This "stranger" on your W social media is concerning. My W just yesterday said a person(man) wanted to friend her on her instagram. She said his profile stated, "I'm a nice guy". She laughed and said, "I'm sure" and then hit the decline button or whatever instagram uses. I guess some get a "high" with having a bunch of people on their feed/following. I don't understand the satisfaction of it myself. These people are simply looking into your life, anonymous and kind of creepy IMO. There is such a thing as "fishing". I suggest your stop attempting to talk to your W. She will talk when ready. When she does, it may be a good time to suggest the social media get curtailed a bit and she joins the marriage again. You know, the flesh and blood that is there for her and not some anonymous whatever clicking the like button as if there is no tomorrow.


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

Nailhead said:


> I concur. This "stranger" on your W social media is concerning. My W just yesterday said a person(man) wanted to friend her on her instagram. She said his profile stated, "I'm a nice guy". She laughed and said, "I'm sure" and then hit the decline button or whatever instagram uses. I guess some get a "high" with having a bunch of people on their feed/following. I don't understand the satisfaction of it myself. These people are simply looking into your life, anonymous and kind of creepy IMO. There is such a thing as "fishing". I suggest your stop attempting to talk to your W. She will talk when ready. When she does, it may be a good time to suggest the social media get curtailed a bit and she joins the marriage again. You know, the flesh and blood that is there for her and not some anonymous whatever clicking the like button as if there is no tomorrow.


Yes I have not talked to her now for a few days it's so awkward tho don't get me wrong my has been a wonderful wife and mother over the years but the social media thing is taking over her life she is out of work at the moment thanks to covid and I don't think that helps the situation. I think she's bored with life
Maybe I have read too much into this reaction but the way she is is heartbreaking


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

You have received a lot of good advice here, so I'm just going to target in on a couple of points.
IMO, you did what any good spouse should do.
You sensed there was an issue, and you went after it. I don't know if I would have reached out to the guy. He is not your issue.
Your wife is. She has you by the short hairs and she uses that to her advantage.
How did your wife know that you reached out to him? Did you tell her you did?
If she doesn't know him, why does she care? There is your red flag.
You need to back off, way off.
You need to research and implement the 180. Use it.
Be the father of the year to your kids. Give the wife cold but civil. Pay her no mind.
Meanwhile, do some things for your self. New clothes, new hair cut, etc. Join a gym. Buff up. Get some IC if you need it. Focus on your own self growth. Read this:








Robert Glover No More Mr Nice Guy : Robert Glover : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive


Self Help



archive.org




Do not provide her the opportunity to relegate your status to her personal doormat.
Make her reach out to you. You need to start detaching from her. She needs to see that she is not "all that."
The attention that you need to pay is to her social media, her phone, and her actions. Utilize technology to gain the knowledge you need. Use it to your advantage.
I'm not automatically saying that she is cheating and you need to divorce her. I'm saying that you need to gain agency in your relationship, and you are getting your rear kicked in the game of life.
Knowledge is power. You need to know what life looks like without her. Consult with an attorney. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
Seven years ago, your wife told her she didn't love you. When they tell you that, believe them! It is incumbent up you to put the burden on her to prove that she does now.
You are the CEO of your own house. It is past time for you to accept your role. You can only be treated like crap with your own permission.


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## Chris redfield (Oct 8, 2020)

Thank you for your reply I understand that she has all the control here with me coming across all needy I suppose we did split up and since we got back together things have been great and I really knew she loved me I've always hated conflict while my wife has always put a wall up and never talked of we argued thank you again for your reply


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Chris redfield said:


> Yes I have not talked to her now for a few days it's so awkward tho don't get me wrong my has been a wonderful wife and mother over the years but the social media thing is taking over her life she is out of work at the moment thanks to covid and I don't think that helps the situation. I think she's bored with life
> Maybe I have read too much into this reaction but the way she is is heartbreaking


The ever present electronic entertainment device. Perhaps some professional help is something your W should look into. Understand only your W can make herself happy.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Chris redfield said:


> Thank you for your reply I understand that she has all the control here with me coming across all needy I suppose we did split up and since we got back together things have been great and I really knew she loved me I've always hated conflict while my wife has always put a wall up and never talked of we argued thank you again for your reply


The cone of silence is what I call it. Look up passive aggressive behavior. Your W not talking is passive aggressive that will be defined in this case as abusive to YOU.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Chris redfield said:


> I worship the ground she walks on


Part of the problem. That type of Approval seeking isn’t good for a marriage.


Chris redfield said:


> I didn't say anything to her but the guy sent her a screenshot of my message to him


To me that would be a big red flag.

If she doesn’t know the guy, there should be no embarrassment, AND if he had any morals he would have discussed it with you instead of sidestepping to hide behind her and using such an underhanded tactic.

Edit: and as another said I would demand to see his complete message to her if you haven’t seen it already.
Tell her you want to out the quarrel to bed and by seeing the complete message you can lay it to rest.
If she balks better look out. 
Or just look at it yourself without mentioning it.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

If my husband told me I ruined his life because I asked a stranger not to post on her social media I’d think he was screwing her behind my back. That is WAY over the top.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Hi @Chris redfield, sorry you are here!

Lets look at some of your post and replies:


Chris redfield said:


> love my wife to death I worship the ground she walks


This is extremely unhealthy, it is well known to be unattractive to women, and they hate it!
Because women love to chase love and work for it. Your are just available and this doesn't offer any excitement for her, she doesn't have to work to get you, you are boring to her!
Women hate and repel men who are like this, this is the core of your problems, and probably one of the reasons why she said she doesn't love you 7 years ago!

@Tdbo posted a link for a great book, very very good book, but you seem uninterested, if you don't start reading how are going to improve your self?








Robert Glover No More Mr Nice Guy : Robert Glover : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive


Self Help



archive.org





You need to take a leadership role in you relationship, you need to understand women biology, if you don't she will lose attraction to you (if not already) and seek an outside validation and that's whats happening to you.
Think about it, why a *"random guy"* caused this crack in your marriage and her over the top reaction?!
Why is he so important to your wife to treat you like this?
Better question is why your wife is acting like this? 
It seems to me that she doesn't respect you, and doesn't care about your feelings, she knows you too well, that's why she treats you like this, she has no fear of losing you, you are not going anywhere, you are available, why does she need to chase you and please you? In her mind you are just a provider, a women with male parts!

Your character is well knows as the* "Nice Guy"*!
You see nice guys get dumped, cheated on and treated disrespectfully, and ALWAYS women lose sexual attraction to them, and seek outside validation and excitement, and later will mount up to an affair, it happens almost all the time!
Some women do it after 35 years of marriage with husbands that took their virginity!
That's why she sees you as the guy who *"ruined her life"*, you are ruining the validation and the excitement that she needs from the opposite sex, because she is not fulfilled in the relationship, She is in the attention-seeking phase, and soon it will move on to the next phase!
*Nice guys* never fulfill a women needs sexually and emotionally, they can't, and they never will, there character and behaviors are not attractive to them, they are just ...providers!
You need to fast work on your self, to be *Chris redfield V2.0*
Or risk losing the women you love, or worse being betrayed!

*re-read @Tdbo reply*, get the book, start to be the best version of yourself, to get self respect, dignity and pride, so your wife will adore you and respect you, she will be running after you with love and sex, she will be all over you, and she will do her best to treat you well and please you.
What she is doing now is ghosting you inside you own house!



Chris redfield said:


> I've lost a lot of weight over the last few days as I'm sick with worry it's a horrible situation and one I would like to solve as soon as possible


It's obvious that she doesn't care that much for your health and well being, that* "Random Guy"* is more important than her marriage and her relationship with you!
You running in the house like a headless chicken and broken man, this makes you even more unattractive to her, you are not holding your ground, you are not standing up and weathering the storm!
*She is TESTING YOU!*
She is crying out loud, telling you to man up, to be the assertive, decisive, leader, the man she is dreaming of!
The man that puts his foot down when needed, and stands his ground!
When she told you about why you contacted this man or when she sent you the screenshot, you reply should have been swift and decisive: YES, and if I see this creep in person I will kick his a$$!

That's why she is continuing to *TESTS YOU* so you can wake you up, and be that man she is dreaming of, the Alpha male that all women get wet for!
Your failing her tests. Women testing is a biology defense, *it's real*, get the book at Amazon (_you will be shocked what women do subconsciously to test men_) and read the reviews:









What Women Want When They Test Men: How to Decode Female Behavior, Pass a Woman’s Tests, and Attract Women Through Authenticity eBook : Bryans, Bruce: Amazon.co.uk: Books


What Women Want When They Test Men: How to Decode Female Behavior, Pass a Woman’s Tests, and Attract Women Through Authenticity eBook : Bryans, Bruce: Amazon.co.uk: Books



www.amazon.co.uk




Get these books, humble yourself, because you really need to educate yourself of how the relationship dynamics works between men and women and why some women act like your wife is acting!

You need to be emotionally stable, and have strength and start working on yourself, because your wife is starting look elsewhere!
buddy you are sitting on a ticking bomb, your family is at stake, start today!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I feel like I'm reading the thread of an 18 year old lovesick teenage boy who's obsessed with a female who treats him like **** and has ZERO respect for him - but he's so damned *desperate* to continue clinging to her at all costs that he'll take her any way he can have her.
> 
> Just....ugh.
> 
> There's just *no* dignity in that at all.


Um, there is like 5 of those on SI right now and at least a new guy each week. Where have you been?!


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Chris redfield said:


> Thanks for your reply I really don't know my wife can say things in anger and has a very hot head I do trust her and never had a thought of her being unfaithful I spoke to someone whos partner did a similar thing and they said it was embarrassing and they wouldn't talk to their partner about it I am just hoping that she can calm down and start to talk to me I hate this kind of conflict and it never does me any good I've lost a lot of weight over the last few days as I'm sick with worry it's a horrible situation and one I would like to solve as soon as possible
> 
> I really don't know my heads all over the place right now I hate this tension its driving me crazy


You really need to start being a man in this situation. You can love your wife all you want. You also have to have self respect.

Why was this guy on your wife’s social media if she didn’t know him?

Why did he send her the screenshot of what you sent him? Especially if he was a stranger like she said.

Why is she embarrassed about what a stranger thinks?

Stop worrying about your wife being mad and not talking to you.

Start getting mad for her blowing out of proportion what you did. She is acting like a child and your playing mr nice nice. Grow the hell up, one of you needs to be the adult here.

I would suggest reading No More Mr Nice Guy.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Chris redfield said:


> Hi there, so last weekend me and my wife got into a fight, I noticed one guy kept liking her posts on Facebook and Instagram constantly for over a month and it was really annoying me! I messaged the guy on Instagram and told him how I felt once my wife found out she completely lost it she doesn't even know the guy and was really embarrassed and screamed at me that I have ruined her life! Now I know I shouldn't have done it but it was upsetting me and now my wife wont talk to me at all, I love my wife to death I worship the ground she walks on and try to be the best husband and dad to our children I can possibly be. I've tried talking to my wife and everytime she tells me to leave her alone and its tearing me to pieces I don't know what to do, I can't eat or sleep I've taken time off work because I can't think straight I don't know if she wants to separate I don't know if she truly meant them words said in anger I'm devastated and just want to talk to her I have tried saying sorry I thought our marriage was good apart from the usual life stress money, work, kids. We separated 7 years ago for 8 months because my wife said she didn't love me and It broke me we managed to sort it out and got back together and had another child I'm just really confused right now and hate every second of this some advice would be much appreciated thank you x


So 7 years ago she separated from to **** another guy for 8 months. Why the hell did you get back with her for?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Chris redfield said:


> She says she doesn't know him just a random follower I believe her I've manged a talk a bit she's still mad saying that anybody close to her feels the need to control her I honestly have never noticed myself doing this she has told me to leave her alone she says she's had it with being controlled by everyone I've apologised for making her feel that way it was never my intention to do that, we starting seeing each other casually as young 20 year olds always had a great time very loving to each other we had our daughter and then got married we always got on after we split first time round it was rough I hated it we sorted it out I felt the love from her I always tried to sort any issues, I think she feels she can't have any independence that's what I feel anyway she's out of work and really bored I do love my wife I can't hide that a lot of people would say she's hard work but so am I but i know the brilliant person she is I know marriages go through rough patches and I feel this isn't about the guy I text is it's more about the fact I did it without speaking to her and that has hurt her sorry for the reply I got so much on my mind right now


What have you done to control her?

Give examples.

If there are none then you are being played.

If you continue to be played, then you are a fool.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Chris redfield said:


> I understand people think like that but this was a one time thing and I really hope our marriage can come through this it seems really petty and not something to end a marriage over and break up a family


It sounds like she is making it an excuse to do so.

Or she is just putting you in your place. She is telling you to stay the **** out of her social life, you have no business in it.

Wait your her husband, shouldn’t the two of you have a social life together?


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