# My husband's best friend is getting too close



## confusedwife2 (Dec 9, 2011)

I've been with my husband for 7 years now, married for 2. We recently relocated to another state, 2000 miles from our families. I was struggling to make friends, and finally brought one home to hang out. She is a wonderful friend to me. My husband is in the military, he had his date to ship out overseas so I asked my friend to move into the spare room while he was gone. She ended up moving in early since my husband lost his father and was due to ship out two weeks later. The days I went to work and they didn't work, they got closer. Going on hikes and drives thru the hills. I became super jealous, especially after the fast that my husband informed me that he confided in her things that he didn't in me. My husband ended up not deploying and we had a 2 week period of fighting about his newfound best friend, as he called her. She moved out andw e resolved it and he promised me he would talk to me about things he should and not to her. My husband eventually shipped out and I stayed at the house by myself. She recently got a DUI and notified my husband that she needs to talk to him about stuff when he gets home. He emailed me and told me to keep an eye on her. Needless to say, he still calls her his best friend and gets mad at me for calling him my best friend. I'm afraid of the emotional attachment they have for one another and I'm afraid it's going to come down to leaving me out of everything they do (like they did before). Am I blowing this out of proportion and how can I get him to understand my side of it.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Yikes! It sounds like an EA going on here.

Good for you confronting him about it, keep it up.

I think you need to set some boundaries for him to respect with regard to her - but it would be even better if the two of you could instead dump her out of your lives.

btw - does she have a guy of her own in her life? Maybe you could help her find one as a defense against her latching onto your husband, which it sounds like she's doing.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Yes, your husband is acting like an idiot.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

and she's not a friend to you


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## confusedwife2 (Dec 9, 2011)

She is single. And she says she truly cares and respects our marriage. She is so picky with men so that's out of the question. He says she is more like a sister to him than anything. But I'm not sure how to go about tell him my side without him blowing things up.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

let me ask, how transparent is he with showing his communication with her? we he allow you to look at texts and such?


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## confusedwife2 (Dec 9, 2011)

I've never asked him, but I have looked at it while he left his phone lying around. He just refers to her as his best friend quite a bit and talk about going hiking and such. Nothing too concerning. Not very proud of this, but I have gone onto his facebook to look at their messages to each other. She wished him a happy anniversary for us and just talked about how he's doing over there.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Arnold said:


> Yes, your husband is acting like an idiot.


:iagree:


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Wow, I'd never ask a single NEW friend to move into my house. I would, however, *let* and old friend, someone I grew up with, live with us IF she needed to.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

The red flag is that this women is seeking emotional support from your husband. Apparently she is not too picky to need him for this. I can't imagine what my wife would think if this happened to me. "Honey your best friend called and said she needed to talk to you about her DUI" Doesn't that sound funny? Your husband may be going through a ton of emotional stuff due to his deployment so give him the benefit of the doubt. It could be non sexual, but clearly he enjoys her company and tells her stuff he's not comfortable telling you. That would hurt me alot and is what I would focus on resolving. 

PS: Hopefully you've figured out that bringing a single women into your house was a bad idea.

Peace


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

She is NOT your friend.
She is not an appropriate friend for your H.

Talk to H about getting some new guy friends and severing ties with her. That it is best for the marriage. That she is trouble.

Might be too late.


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## confusedwife2 (Dec 9, 2011)

She started moving in when we had to go home for his father funeral. She was dog/house sitting. We were there for 2 weeks and it didn't make sense for her to move out and then move back in 2 weeks later. She was moving in to help me with the dog and house.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

confusedwife2 said:


> She started moving in when we had to go home for his father funeral. She was dog/house sitting. We were there for 2 weeks and it didn't make sense for her to move out and then move back in 2 weeks later. She was moving in to help me with the dog and house.



If their relationship bothers you, that's what matters first. Your husband should respect that and handle her accordingly. 

That being said...you invited her into your life and home that you share with your husband. You have some responsibility here as to how things have developed. It's like you opened pandora's box and now are upset at what's coming out. You don't allow a single woman to move in your house with you and your man. Even if he was going overseas, she didn't need to be THAT close. 

No bueno.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Tell his CO to have a talk with him-that ought to set him straight. Adultery is a court martial offense.


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