# At a total loss



## Neglected75 (Sep 27, 2011)

I am a newbie so please bare with me...my husband and i have been together 4 years and married 19 months..things seem all wrong and i need some advise so i came here..i am 36 and he is 45...it seems like everything in the relationship is GONE...there is no conversation unless he is yelling at one of MY children(previous marriage) he is always yelling at me to go send them to live with their dad!!!! I told him he would leave before my kids would...here is the long and short of it...he doesn't work, he worked for the first year we were together now he just sits on the couch... there is no communication and if there is its during commercials...i cook,clean, do the shopping,laundry...all household chores..i provide everything...in the beginning i thought i loved him now im not so sure..there is no sex in the relationship....he doesn't leave the house so i know its not another woman...he is mentaly abusive to my oldest daughter wo is 16...i want out...if i can take care of the bills with him here i can do it with out him....but my question is....IS THERE A CHANCE HE WILL CHANGE????


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Probably won't change unless he wants to.

I say ask him to get out. Your children don't deserve that mental abuse.


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## Neglected75 (Sep 27, 2011)

I am at that point but what is the best way to go about asking him to go??


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## loveiswhereiamnot (Jul 8, 2011)

Are you both on the deed/lease? If so or even if not, you might want to visit with an attorney first to see what your options are - can you force him out of the house, do you have to give him notice, etc.

Once you know what your options are, the best way to do it is straight up. Tell him what you've said here - he's been abusive to your children, you won't have that, and he has to go, you're done.

Do you think he may become abusive/violent when you tell him it's time to go? If so, make sure you have someone with you or nearby (in the next room or waiting outside) to make sure he goes.


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## Neglected75 (Sep 27, 2011)

we are both on the lease,no abuse toward me what so ever its just his words,,that hurt but i am tired of supporting him when all he does is yell and lay on the couch...it feels like my 20 year old son is living with me..lol


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

There is only one way to change him and that is by dropping a bomb. Tell him you want a divorce. That is the only thing that will motivate him. He will either

1. Grovel and promise and beg in which case you give him a time limit and stick to it. I suggest a week of going out every day looking for work, washing has ass, not another word about your kids moving, give him a list. Forgive him and be supportive for one week so he has no excuses. If he effs it up then boot him. If he gets it right then give him another week.

2. Say fine screw you. Give him the boot

My wife did it to me three years ago and I got the picture immediately and fixed it. We are now happily married eleven years 

If that doesnt get his attention, then he doesnt love you and he wont change.


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## Neglected75 (Sep 27, 2011)

So far had the talk on monday and the only thing that has changed is he wont even speak to my children..other than that nothing no conversation,no relations, no nothing.....total loss here...


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