# How Would You Answer This Question?



## jennifer1 (Aug 18, 2012)

:scratchhead:I was in a business meeting with my husband and a business consultant. The consultant was probing around asking about my business and he wanted to see if my husband and I could possibly work together to turn my business around. The consultant asked my husband, "Why are you with her"? My husband answered, "Because we have children". I felt dismayed right away because if I were asked that same question I would have answered, "Because I love him" and I thought that he would have answered the same way but I guess not. I interpret his answer that he is with me in an obligatory way meaning that he has an obligation to stay in this relationship because we have children.

I just wanted to know other peoples thoughts.

J


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

My thought is that if you didn't have kids your husband would be long gone.


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## jennifer1 (Aug 18, 2012)

That's exactly what I thought. Thank you for your input.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Ouch.... he may have not have realized how it sounded?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

I just find that question strange considering it was a business meeting. Mixing business and personal life in a interview is strange.

This of course is my opinion.


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## jennifer1 (Aug 18, 2012)

Maybe but my immediate take on it is that he was speaking his truth and he said exactly what he first thought of and that was that he was only staying in this relationship with me because of our kids and had it been that we didn't have any children that he would be long gone. I was a bit stunned by his answer. What would you have felt?


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

It sounds odd.Would he say he loved you in a business meeting? Have you asked him about it?


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## jennifer1 (Aug 18, 2012)

jh52 the reason the consultant asked the question was because he wanted to know if we could work as a team. He wanted to quickly find out if we were a team in our personal life. If we were simply together out of obligation how committed would we be as a team to try and work together to turn my business around. I thought it was pretty clever on the consultants part.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Have you asked him why he answered like this? 

I mean -he was likely under "pressure" beings this consultant was probing & he never expected a question like that...hopefully just one of those moments where one "opens mouth & inserts FOOT" type moments - not expecting such personal questions to be thrown at him. 

I would go MORE on how to treats you every day, how he makes you feel.. do you FEEL loved & cherished ? Or something is lacking here & his words just further hit you in the gut?


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## jennifer1 (Aug 18, 2012)

TBT - I hear what you're saying as it might sound strange in a business meeting but it wasn't a suit and tie type of meeting. The meeting was regarding my small hair salon and the meeting was just the 3 of us and very informal.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

jennifer1 said:


> jh52 the reason the consultant asked the question was because he wanted to know if we could work as a team. He wanted to quickly find out if we were a team in our personal life. If we were simply together out of obligation how committed would we be as a team to try and work together to turn my business around. I thought it was pretty clever on the consultants part.


Well you're working as a team to raise your children.Maybe that's why he said it.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

I don't know anything about your relationship and or situation or if you have other threads on TAM. I just responded to your question as a male.

Is you husband normally open with strangers in regards to expressing his feelings?? In other words, is it out of character or the norm that he didn't say "because I love her."

You know him better than anyone -- and I suggest you talk to him tomorrow about his answer if it bothers you. Don't let things fester in your marriage -- say what is on your mind.

Let us know what he says.


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## jennifer1 (Aug 18, 2012)

SimplyAmorous - we fight quite often. His health has been bad for years and in the past few years my health has been pretty bad. We are at odds with each other almost everyday. I know that he loves me and I love him but I have resented him for years for many reasons. This isn't the life that I thought I was going to get and his illness has changed many things and made him bitter and a loner. He was always smart with his money and we never have a problem paying our bills but since my money stopped coming in from my business in the past few years he has done some belt tightening and I resent him for that because everything seems to be about money for him.


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## jennifer1 (Aug 18, 2012)

jh52 this is my first thread and the first time that I was ever on this web site. Normally the answer is yes that he would feel comfortable to say to anyone even a stranger that he loves me. I am not seeking for people to agree with me or be on my side in this thread I simply wanted to know how others may have felt if they heard their spouse answer the question the way mine did. Thank you for your help.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

jennifer1 said:


> jh52 this is my first thread and the first time that I was ever on this web site. Normally the answer is yes that he would feel comfortable to say to anyone even a stranger that he loves me. I am not seeking for people to agree with me or be on my side in this thread I simply wanted to know how others may have felt if they heard their spouse answer the question the way mine did. Thank you for your help.


Jennifer -- you have some issues to work within your marriage as it seems he is shutting down within himself due to his medical issues and you feel resentment toward him because of the way he treats you and some of the decisions he has made. You have picked a great forum to POST and maybe you will feel comfortable to share more of your story.

If his response was not the norm -- I would definitely ask him.

Are you two in IC ??


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## jennifer1 (Aug 18, 2012)

Coffee Amore - Perhaps you are correct but the hesitation and look that he gave seemed to say a thousand words. Plus you know someone pretty well after 12 years and you can read their body language.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I'd be really hurt. And I'd assume our marriage was in big, big trouble.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

jennifer1 said:


> Coffee Amore - Perhaps you are correct but the hesitation and look that he gave seemed to say a thousand words. Plus you know someone pretty well after 12 years and you can read their body language.


You know him pretty well, but he gave a response that was totally unexpected. I would feel the same as you - stunned. I think that would also have me starting to question a lot of the things I thought I knew.


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