# feeling guilty for not working



## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

so back in Febuary i was diagnosed with Mxyoid Liposarcoma, which is a rare form of cancer, it was found in a cyst that was found behind my knee, that had been there for 10 yrs.. i have had to have several surgeries, one ended up being an ER visit turned into a 5 day stay, now after all this time, i feel better, and i am 99% sure i am cancer free...

Here is the thing, back when my hubby found out that i had cancer (FEB 2010), he told his boss to cut his ours and not go to school ( he worked a the Deseret Industries and they helped pay for his school) his boss told him that he could not do that and he might as well quite, so, he put in his notice to his boss, and quite about 2 weeks before i was due for my first set ( of many to follow), and decided to stay home, we were living with my father in his basement, rent free ( his mom gave him the house when she died in 2007), and we had little bills, so i got on food stamps and cash assistance b/c i could not work, he helped me recover and went to all my radiation treatments and such. In July of this year, my dad ended up loosing the house to foreclosure( something to do with a reverse mortgage??), well just as we were planning on moving and finding a place, i ended up in the ER with a serious infection from a surgery. where i had the surgery behind my knee had opened and split, i drove to the ER with my son ( hubby was packing and told me to just go), i ended up being admitted to the hospital and had to start the recovery all over again. While i was in the Hospital, my hubby and son had to move all by themselves, we had no money for a truck rental, so they had to use the van and drive back and forth to our new home ( 80 miles round trip).. 

we finally got settled and he was still not working, so we had the local Church help pay rent for the months of July August and Sept..

here is where the guilt comes in, the last day of August he landed a temp job through one of the agencies and has been working this whole month, problem is he has asthma and works in 20 below weather ( imagine Alaska temps), and he has been doing really good, but, he has been complaining that he can not breath well, and today when he got up for work, he did not look good either.. I am not cleared for work until the next dr visit, and even then, i will only be able to work PT. I just feel so freaking guilty he has to go through all that just for me and my son ( whom is 16 yrs old)..


is there anyone else who has gone thru any of this? any suggestions? comments? something to make me feel a little better?


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Its tough...but their is little for you to do. Do you have any computer skills? There are 'virtual assitant' jobs out there were you just need a computer and can work from home?


I don't know how long your husband had been at his job...but if your in the US the Family Medical Leave Act protects jobs for people who need to leave to care for a spouse for up to 3 months- Family and Medical Leave: Entitlement - and it can be broken up in chunks and not a straight 3 month stint.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you live in the United States, and your husband worked for his employer at least 1250 hours during the twelve months prior to asking for extra time off to help with your serious illness, your husband was covered under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) and his boss was wrong to tell him to quit. Have your husband contact the labor board or an attorney. The serious health condition of a spouse, son, daughter, or parent, is a qualifying event. A law suit might end your financial troubles or at least get your husband some back pay.


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

actually the company that he works for is protected by the "charity" law thing or something, it is more for the Church LDS, basically like rehab for people who have either:
1- no job experience
2-disabled where they can not work a job
3- have some disabilities that can be worked on thru them

and so and and so forth, AND they do not give you benefits (401k, retirement medical ect UNLESS you are a supervisor or above), so, as long as you are healthy and able to work, you are only able to work there for 1 year, and go to school. sucks, but at the time he wanted to be a Diesel Mechanic, and they paid for his school and such.

So unfortunately, they are not required to have anything to do with the FMLA whatsoever.. does that make sense? They do not pay taxes either. because it is a thrifty/donation company... in lames terms, the LDS church owns it.


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## Quicksand (Sep 20, 2010)

You'd do it for him. And you wouldn't hold it against him, and you wouldn't want him to feel bad about it either. That's what love is


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

Quicksand said:


> You'd do it for him. And you wouldn't hold it against him, and you wouldn't want him to feel bad about it either. That's what love is


of course i would. we have been thru alot.. we have changed roles so many times in the past, , you would think i was use to it.. and you are right, that is what love is all about.. i just know, that i am so ready to go back to work, and want to so bad, but, it is up to my dr, i do know that if he says i can not work for 3 more months i can start the disability process, because where i live, you can not file until you have not worked for 1 year. and that will be in Dec ( that was the final month i could work due to my heel spur). so, we will see, if i could get that, at least i would feel a little better about contributing to our bills and such


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

misspuppy, 

Hopefully in December you'll be able to apply for your disability and contribute financially once that's all straightened out. In the meanwhile there are places were you can write articles online. It's not a LOT of money but it's some and you'd be contributing. For example, I work for Examiner.com and get a little money for writing articles about infidelity! Here's the page about Write For Us at Examiner.com. Here's an article too about The 5 Top-paying Article Submission Sites. I'm not saying you could live off of it, but it might be some extra cash and would help a little! 

Finally, I would encourage you that it seems like you're doing all you can to contribute as best as you can. Sometimes when one spouse is sick, the other has to step up to the plate and give 110%--and that's all part of the vow: "...for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer..." I would suggest that you talk to your hubby about how you feel and let him know exactly how much you appreciate all his patience, hard work, and incredible care. I bet it would encourage him to know he's appreciated!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

U.S. Department of Labor — Wage and Hour Division (WHD) — FMLA-76

I see nothing to exempt religious organizations from compliance with the FMLA. The above link is to a federal Dept of Labor opinion on that very topic. Hope it helps.


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> U.S. Department of Labor — Wage and Hour Division (WHD) — FMLA-76
> 
> I see nothing to exempt religious organizations from compliance with the FMLA. The above link is to a federal Dept of Labor opinion on that very topic. Hope it helps.


 just read over it and i am just floored. i can not believe that we believed them over this, he could have kept his job and taken time off to care for me!!!! i will contacting someone about this.. 
Thanks for the link and i will def look into this.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Don't feel guilty. This is something beyond your control. I do understand your feelings, though. I'm not disabled, but I have been unemployed for the last 2.5 yrs. I actually have my first interview (finally!) tomorrow, so hopefully I will finally be financially contributing again. And for me, it's hard because we aren't married, so he has no obligation to take care of us, so I really feel like I'm slacking. 

Affaircare recommended some computer work you can do, and I'd like to recommend ChaCha.com to you as well. It is a site where people text in questions, and you do the internet search and use ChaCha's system to text the answer back to them. It doesn't pay a whole lot, only about $.10-.20 a question, but if you can sit in front of the computer for 8-10 hours a day, and just search for answers online, you can make a little money at it.


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