# Dream accountability?



## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

My wife believes that the things we dream about reflect things that are going on in our conscious mind and are connected one way or another, whether it be unresolved issues or past experiences...somehow what we dream about comes from our conscious mind.

With that said, I talk in my sleep on a regular basis. My wife has heard me speak of sexual things while I am asleep. The other day, she said I was definitly having sex with someone and I was not calling out my wife's name, so she woke me and asked who this woman was that I was calling out. The name I was calling was someone I had never known before. I have not had any direct or indirect knowledge of this particular woman's name.

My wife felt some discomfort with the fact I was having sex in my dream with another woman. I tried to explain that I have no control over my dreams and I shouldn't be held accountable for them.
She is worried that I am not satisfied with our sexual relationship and that certainly isn't the case, which I tried to let her know the best I could.

I constantly tell my wife how beautiful she is and how much I love her. I try to let her know how attracted I am to her and I believe she does believe me. I am not sexually starved in the least bit. We have a very healthy sex life, so the problem isn't stemming from lack of sex.

Looking for any bit of referrence material regarding sexual dreams and why I am having them.

In my opinion, I enjoy sex, so I dream about it. I certainly wish I could control them so it would always be with my wife, but I don't think we have that sort of control.


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

I believe dreams are our subconscious way of making sense of things, but I think dreams use a lot of symbolism that can't be interpreted literally.

Hopefully this link works for you... Dream Moods: Your Dream Symbol Interpretation

On the other hand, if you wife is threatened simply by a dream you have, she should really work on her own insecurities.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Hey, my favorite is when my wife dreams that I am cheating on her (NEVER HAVE OR WILL) and then gets all mad at me for about a week. Yep, just woke up again today like that. Get the cold shoulder for crap I never did or had any involvement in.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I agree with VMS. Dreams are symbolic not literal. I had a dream once where my teeth were crumbling and falling out, that doesn't mean I have terrible dental hygiene, (I promise I don't, lol).


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

My wife and I are pretty open about sharing dreams, even when they are sexual and potentially uncomfortable to discuss.

I have a recurring sexual dream whereby my wife and I are having sex, usually several different sexual acts involved. Somewhere in the room, one of my wife's female friends (they are different friends each time) is there observing us. The friends are always nude and they are wearing glasses whether or not they normally do. They are sitting in a chair taking notes, and they will occasional ask my wife a question (Does that feel good, what he is doing to you?, etc.).

It's odd, but I have told my wife pretty much every time I have them, she doesn't seem to feel threatened by them. I don't have any idea what they mean, and I have no desire to re-enact them in real life.

However, not too long ago, I had a dream that I was physically/sexually assaulted by a female mutual acquaintance. The dream was not the least bit pleasant for me. But when I shared that dream, she seemed to be very put off by it, and was sort of aggravated with me for the rest of the day. WTF?

Makes me hesitant to share when she reacts that way to something I have no control over.


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## Pollo (Oct 17, 2014)

bbdad said:


> Hey, my favorite is when my wife dreams that I am cheating on her (NEVER HAVE OR WILL) and then gets all mad at me for about a week. Yep, just woke up again today like that. Get the cold shoulder for crap I never did or had any involvement in.


lol, wow. I thought that was just something people made up on the internet. If I were you I'd be way more upset with her in that situation.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

This is the new wife right? And already drama? Did you learn anything from your divorce?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I don't know if dreams are symbolic, I tend to think they are fairly random with no special meaning.

My wife and I both have dreams where we have sex with each other on rare occasion and more often have sex with others either singly or in multiples with either strangers or persons we know or have known. They are just dreams (even when they're fun), they're not real so they don't matter to either of us.

It's just a dream, you have no control over it and it doesn't mean anything.

I don't think you should lose any sleep over this.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

The very fact that you entertained this nonsense is your real problem.


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

I'd be taking notes, the ex used to have conversations with himself whilst asleep, drove me nuts. At first it was a bit of a novelty and I'd listen intently and laugh but it soon became a little much, seeing I wasn't getting any sleep. My sleep pattern has improve immensely since his departure, lets hope yours does Zzzzzz xxx


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Pollo said:


> lol, wow. I thought that was just something people made up on the internet. If I were you I'd be way more upset with her in that situation.


I assure you it is real! My ex wife did this ALL THE TIME.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I don't put much stock into dreams, however, I would also not be very happy if my SO was screaming his or her ex's name, either. Especially if it happened regularly.

From what I understand, dreams can either be complete and utter nonsense, or they can be realism-based and include re-enactments of things you've done, or would like to do (fantasies and such).

I tend to dream about things that are on my mind, or have been recently, even if these dreams end up being completely unrealistic. No, I can't control what I dream about (subconscious mind and all), but I can still understand how someone might be upset.

I know I would not be happy if my wife was saying an ex's name while dreaming, or worse, if it's clearly a sex dream.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I love when I have sexual dreams.. I can't recall one time though where it got to the actual act..(no infidelity in my sleep!) ..but something leading up to .....I wake up thinking.. "darn.. I wanted to finish that!".... I've had some really strange ones.. and it's not always with my husband either..it never makes sense..some it would be like "ewwww" but in my dream I didn't seem to mind ... like a house is never a house.. nothing is what it's supposed to be. 

I do share my dreams with him... always with some commentary like "OMG ...this is what I dreamt , it was so weird"....he generally just laughs, or has some small comment...

But there have been a couple I'll never forget...Once I dreamt a good friend told me he died.. even in my dream, my world collapsed.... I woke up very quickly -so relieved it was "just a dream!"...he was there, I kissed him & held tight..... 

I am big into feeling we should share dreams like this.. as maybe it's some warning to be MORE CAREFUL in our daily lives -as to prevent something from happening...he's dreamt I was in a car accident.. (he worries I drive too fast on country roads & might hit a deer)...if he shares something with me, I am more mindful of his dream.....

I know of someone who dreamt her H killed himself.. she never did talk to him about it... he lost his job, got very depressed & took a gun to his head not long after.... how tragic...I've always wondered about that...

I was worried about an early pregnancy with no morning sickness, I felt TOO GOOD, something was not right !..... I dreamt I had a miscarriage and I was just fine.. obviously my subconscious mind was very worried about this.. and this is what happened.. learned a few days later it wasn't viable...I lost it ...got a few books from the Library on miscarriage...cried and moved on very quickly... It was like the dream helped ..letting me know it would be OK.... 

As a child, I had a # of "falling" dreams but you always wake up before you hit ... still today I have recurring ones where ... to get in & out of where I am.. it's like I have to slither my body through very cramped spaces to get free...(almost like claustrophobic dreams).... not sure what this means either... . I always get out though.. but in the dream I am worried about it.

I never read much about these things. Interesting though! Husband rarely seems to remember his. If I don't speak mine upon waking.. I easily forget them...


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

Dreams are funny little things, they are usually nonsensical and hold no relevance to what has happened or will be.....with the odd, mysterious exception that is. Happy snoozing xxx


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

--Sigmund Freud


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

I think dreams are mostly about the brain rebooting and there are no universal symbols or higher meaning involved. However, at least with me the dreams often involve images of things that have been on my mind but they are just elements grabbed by the brain in making sense of the underlying activity. However, it may just jumble together these elements with other elements in a nonsensical way.

All that said, I really don't think most fantasies and certainly not dreams should require any kind of accounting or explanation to your spouse nor should it make a partner jealous unless they already have grounds for suspicion.


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

Stay off the booze and cheese before beddy byes. Nan night xxx


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Like bodily parts, opinions on dreams are universal. Every single person who responded to you here is in no position to even have a meaningful opinion on something about which science has almost no understanding, myself included.

But one thing is probably true - holding someone accountable for his dreams is unreasonable. Rototilling your marriage over them is foolish.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I most always remember my dreams... I have had multiple dreams in a single sleeping session and have at times remembered them all, but for the most part I can only remember the last one before I wake.

I simply don't recall having the sex dreams my wife spoke of, but I do recall waking up once when I was in the middle of speaking to someone about a woman and my exact words were, "Oh, I'd like to $%&# that!" I know my wife was awake and heard it, but has only said that I say things in my sleep and she didn't feel comfortable telling me what it was I said.

I understand that I can't be held accountable for what I say while dreaming, but can see where it would make her uncomfortable, especially if the name I am calling out is someone she may know.

I usually share my dreams with her and most of them usually deal with some element of my family when I was younger.
She thinks I have unresolved issues or miss my childhood, but I don't think I do...more like they are a part of my life and they regularly pop into my mind...just like sex does.

She did ask me if I felt sexually satisfied, to which I most certainly do. I went from a couple of times a month with my ex to 3 to 4 times a week with my wife. She has never refused me and has never made any of our sexual time feel as duty sex. Best of all is I don't have to always be the initiator.

We do have great communications and can openly discuss most anything without judgment, so I am confident that through discussion we can work through this minor hang up of hers.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Indy, This is perfect. Once a month or so stage a dream where you make love to your wife, calling out her name and telling her you can't live without her.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I stay sane by holding on to the belief that dreams do not represent real desires.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Since dreams are derived from the deposits of experience from within the brain of the individual, they do reflect to a high degree the person from which those dreams project. They are (according to theory), a jumble of experiential information which the brain processes while dreaming by unknown mechanisms. However,
according to psychoanalytic theory they do have meaning and are symbolic of the inner workings of the individual dreamer. From that, certain inferences about the person and their state of being are determined.

Even if true, this does not negate what everyone is saying; I.e. we have no consious control over how that milieu of information plays out in our Dreams.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I would tell your wife that no matter how childish she acts her insecurities won't become yours and don't bring it up again. 


Jealous of dreams. What????


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> I agree with VMS. Dreams are symbolic not literal. I had a dream once where my teeth were crumbling and falling out, that doesn't mean I have terrible dental hygiene, (I promise I don't, lol).


I have this very same dream 2-3 times a year. I would love to know whats behind it...especially if other people are having it too!


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

The teeth thing is awful, like fingernails on a blackboard. At the moment I are mostly dreaming about people listening to me and following me about the place. I need to cut the gin out, or drink more of the stuff. Teeth?! xxx


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

I believe that dreams do a few things:

1. Keeps the brain active while the rest of your body regenerates
2. Help the brain sort through the experiences of the day, and categorize things into "important to remember" and "garbage"


As such, they are often nonsensical to a waking person, but do have some basis in reality. I have dreamed about people that I thought I'd never met, only to realize I had seen them in passing, or on TV, or something else. Dreaming about sex with a stranger, in my opinion, would be my brain telling me that I think that person is attractive - and not necessarily sexually. 

I don't often dream about sex though. I've never even had a wet dream - the closest I ever got was dreaming that I was going to have an orgasm and no matter what I did it wouldn't stop building. I wasn't even having sex. I got close to orgasm and then woke up.

The worst part? I was sitting on a train and had simply nodded off. My pants were rubbing me in a certain "stimulating" way which I assume is why I couldn't stop the orgasm in my dream.


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

Seppuku
If you commute on a daily basis I'd look into wearing a kilt. The last thing you need is to be thrown off a train in a dazed, confused state, especially with the cold, dark nights. Someone could well take advantage of you, stay safe and warm (try to avoid Sheffield)xxx


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

IndyTMI said:


> My wife believes that the things we dream about reflect things that are going on in our conscious mind and are connected one way or another, whether it be unresolved issues or past experiences...somehow what we dream about comes from our conscious mind.


So when I dream I am at a party holding a Vienna sausage on a toothpick and my wife is across the room talking to a clown with a two foot polish hanging from a barbecue fork, what could it mean??!!!!???

Seriously though. If my wife was talking about getting plowed by some guy we never met, I would get annoyed.

I would probably tell her she was automatically getting ravaged by me anytime she had that dream.

Tell your wife to jump your bones next time you have a sex dream.

That'll teach ya!&#55357;&#56841;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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