# today is the day



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

My husband and I are splitting in the new year, rocky marriage, PA on his part. 
We have held off telling anyone until after the holidays, but today is the day he is telling his family(big family) we have told our two children already. He has been reluctant to tell anyone so far.
I know he will have to do a lot of explaining but I think he is ready for it finally.
He has done a lot of crying over the last month.
He tells me he has feeling for the other woman and that he doesn't love me any longer so the decision is the only one we can make......
Wish me luck with what is to come in the next few weeks explaining our decision to everyone....
I think it will be a relief to finally have it out there and not to suppress all the feelings I have with our situation.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

good luck i hope you find happiness and once people know you will get the support you deserve from your loved ones xxx hugs and all the best


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Good luck, Jesse. I hope that letting your families know will give you a sense of relief and support.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Good luck honey. I hope that people are there to support you with whatever you may need. Feel free to PM me if you need anything.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

How did things go? Hope as well as possible - given the circumstances.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

niceguy777,
Well it didn't go well, he composed an email to his family but he has not sent it yet.
All day long he was sending very anger emails to me about the split and the details of that so I didn't push it, we have agreed to a statement.
Yesterday, the OW husband was giving my husband grief and saying he was going to tell everyone that my husband was a home wrecker and was going to make sure everyone in town knew about the affair and what he did to 2 families.
My husband is a city attourney so he is trying to hide what he has done, he has always set the image of the upstanding guy. I think his imagine will be tarnished a little.
I'm going to just sit back and let things unfold I have told him that I cannot live with someone that has that little respect for me
He is moving out and moving on with the OW and the new life that he thinks is going to be better, He is her boss, affair has been going on about 5 months.
she is 10 years younger than him
Our kids are grown 20 and 22, she still has a couple of younger ones.
He seems really pissed all the time now. I'm not even convinced this is what he really wants anymore, but he made his bed and he decided to trade our great life for the one he has now.......
I am convinced he will regret it in no time


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

His fantasy is fading as it turns into a reality.

Why not send out your own e-mail? Do you feel you owe him anything at this point? Who cares if your words aren't what he had in mind.

His reputation SHOULD be tarnished. Does he actually believe he's squeaky clean in all of this?


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

niceguy777
he actually does think that somehow he is going to get through this without anyone finding out about the affair, 
I don't owe him anything at this point, but I am considering my children in this situation, I don't want them to have to answer any uncomfortable questions. They know the whole story and they are trying to stay neutral in this, but they both know what has happened was not right, we raised them with morals. 
I'm an honest person so I will have to answer any questions that come my way and I did tell him I won't lie for him.
I don't think he will be as lucky with the OW husband, he is pissed and is kind of a nut case, I think this is why my husband is so mad, the OW and her husband are not well off and he is pissed he is losing what little he has in all this.
But that is his problem.
I'm okay with the email we has composed, I'm just trying to move things along to end this nightmare for me.
and then I don't want anything to do with him his other woman and her husband, that is not my problem and I don't want any part of that anymore.
He and they deserve what they get, me I'm starting new and I'm looking forward to new opportunities in the new year.
I am done with all this disrespect.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I would be shocked if he walked away from this whole situation without being completely tarnished by all of it. This isn't something he can just sweep under the rug. Seems like someone finally put his feet back on the ground and realized what he was getting into. Even though the OWs husband may not do any good by telling everyone he is a home wrecker, it might make him feel better  

All I care about in this is you and your kids, so let us know you are all okay and I hope that he can reach down and find his balls to man up to all the wrongdoings and finally get you a new start without him.


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## stupidme (Nov 15, 2009)

You're too nice a person for all this Jessi. He got everything he wanted, had the A, choice of going off with her, choice of when to make the big annoucement and yet he's angry that his image will be tarnished a little....I mean how selfish can he be....totally unbelievable, you are so much better off without him. 

As for him, I agree reality time will be coming pretty soon, good bye lalaland, say hello to lotsa regrets. 


On another note, do you think he's angry because he felt you didn't need him, that was why he went off with her to get back at you? Do you think he still loves you, but you showed him that you were so ready to move on after his A so his retaliation was going off with her? Perhaps he waited till after the holidays to make the announcement, to stall the separation to see if there's any chance of reconciliation with you but your stoic response to his past actions made him feel you didn't care for him? 

It just doesn't make sense that he got everything his way and yet he's still very angry unless subconsciously, he loves you, has lots of regrets for his actions and yet don't know how to convey it because of his pride. Perhaps both of you are very hardheaded and too prideful. When you didn't show him your hurt, your sufferings, your love for him so the only way to relieve his hurt was to hit back at you, by going off with her when at the back of his mind, he only wanted you to show him you cared, that you loved him. Just a thought Jessi, don't beat me up if I'm wrong......wishing you the very best.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi there Stupidme, 
Well, when I first found out he had the affair I was of course very hurt and devastated by the news, mostly that after 27 years instead of coming to me and trying to work things out he just went to someone else, we were having problems in our marriage for the last year but I always told him I didn't want a divorce and that I still loved him and wanted us to work things out. 
He pretty much lived his life separate from me and was working all the time(that is at least what he said he was doing)
He told me he had decided that we were over and that is why he started a new relationship with one of the girls from his office.
I continue to tell him that this was his decision alone and that I still love him and always will. He has told me he is not in love with me and that he has feelings for the other woman.
I honestly think he feels huge regret for the way he ended our marriage, I think the anger stems from this is the only way he can go through with this.
I have asked to work things out but he says it's to late so I'm doing the only thing I can do, let him go to explore his new life with someone else. I'm trying to do this with class and integrity.
I want to stay civil for my sons and what good would it do me anyway to cause a fuss.
I'm not convinced this is what he wants anymore, but he has broken up the OW's family and I'm sure he feels a huge obligation to her. I know he is feeling bad because he crys non stop, he has been more than generous with the financial part of this, he is a man of morals, a catholic man. I know him well enough that what he has done and to have his sons know is probably killing him. 
I tried and I'm not sure I could get past it anyway, to have him go to work with her every day, work parties would be to much for me even if it were an option, why would stay with someone that cared that little after all these years, I'm not stubborn but I do have self respect even though he hasn't any for me,
I wished him luck and told him to be happy with his decisions.
He could have opened his mouth any time in the last 6 weeks, but he hasn't and still maintains this is what he wants
I'm moving on because this is what I have to do


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## stupidme (Nov 15, 2009)

I am so so sorry Jessi, it breaks my heart to read what you went through. You did all the right things and all you could; in the end, it was him. You are a very caring and classy lady, I wish you the very best for the future, hugs.


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Jessi heartreaking story. Alot like mine but we have only been married 17 years. Although the words only and 17 dont seem to go together to me. Feels like part of me has gone missing. I am glad that you have kept your integrity through this I think that is a hard thing to do. Just know I am thinking of you and wish the whole thing hadnt happened. I see that your a lady with style and grace and you certainly deserve better than you got. Hope the new year bring better days for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

thanks for listening, it brought me to tears reading your responses. I feel good about saying everything I wanted to say to my husband and my sons have been great through out this whole situation. It's time to look only forward and have some fun again.
Happy New year to all.....


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Man thats insain. I am so sorry to be reading this.? I cant believe that? its good that you are some what holding it together for your kids you are a good women for that! I was a little more crazy then you over a dumb situation and reading yours you make me feel really dumb! I am sooooo sorry. and good for you!


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## Idkwtd2009Nov (Nov 8, 2009)

I hope you get peace soon. I think he is a coward for telling people through an email. He has no right to direct his anger at you. He will soon learn that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You sound like a very strong woman and I can tell by your posts that you will be a stronger woman after this.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

thanks everyone for your words of encouragement
it's very tough but I really don't see any other answer than to let him go and to get on with my life.....


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Based on what we've seen of you on TAM over the last couple months Jessi, you seem like a very sweet woman. I can't believe all this is happening to you.

Sometimes we men are just so stupid.


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