# How happy are you in current marriage?



## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

How happy are you?


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

For me it's just ok. Wife has many good things about her

Good job, doesn't party, pretty good mother

We look at life differently would be the biggest negative.

She never compliments me would be another negative.


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

By the poll above it shows that marriage takes work


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I didn't vote, because I don't care for the choices. I don't believe in soul mates. 

That being said.... I have an awesome marriage! 

*Transparency, communication, awesome sex, lots of laughter, weekly date nite, no arguing (8 years and no arguments), consideration, attentiveness.....*

It's just all good. 

We both came out of 23 year marriages at about the same time. We don't regret those years, but we do realize what was not working, or right. Now we do it right. We don't have to argue, because we respect each others' opinion and we trust each other in all ways. So whether it's the house, the kids, the money, the chores, we trust that the other is doing the right thing. It works.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband has always called me his "Soul mate"...and I dearly Love that he feels this way.... I always felt he was mine too.. when I came to TAM ... I realized for the 1st time just how many people dislike this term, do not believe in it... 

I took note of these discussions...plus seeing a program on TV late one night.. it brought it all home -why the concept can actually harm....giving a wrong perception.... I explain this here.. (post #14) http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relati...out-being-soulmates-opinions-appreciated.html

YET... the feelings behind what a Soul mate rouses in our hearts, the inner JOY, comfort & chemistry we feel being with this person.....like these quotes...


















.. I do feel this for my husband, I always have ... I met him at age 15.. I even prayed for a guy LIKE HIM ...my home life wasn't the best...being the Romantic I was/ a little boy crazy....but wanted one who was HONEST & TRUE , not trying to get into my pants then leave me in the dust....I wanted a Best Friend where we could share our ALL with each other, our 1sts.. and this is just how it played out for us ..... 

It's been a beautiful ride.. this is 32 yrs later / 25 married... We both wanted the same things..this helps tremendously. 

I have never had the 7 yr itch or the 15 yr itch.. whatever one wants to call it.. he's always been "my Home".... I owe my husband's love, care & his treating me like those vows are worded to be why I feel this way...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Here is an article that allows for the *WORD* "Soul mate" to be used...what I would call "reasonably"...

The problem is too many throw this word around so lightly.. I've seen threads here where a guy felt he met his soul mate after 2.5 weeks dating.. .. that's crazy ! It didn't last.. the same guy was back here posting about 2 more different women within the year !

If it's a relationship that has been tested by time, challenged by shared trails/ overcoming... it just makes more sense...

This written by John Gray, the author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus ....









...Soulmates: Myth or Reality? ...









Some parts of the article.. I am skipping ...the article is LONG.. but wanted to highlight some things.... 



> ...*Most People Dream about Having a Soulmate...
> But Few Turn the Dream into a Reality*
> 
> The idea of a soulmate has both conscious or unconscious elements. Even if we do not intellectually believe in soulmates, we are still affected.
> ...


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i dont think of my wife as my soul mate. i dont believe such a thing exists. but, im extremely happy with my marriage. im not just happy with my marriage, im _*proud*_ of my marriage. and im proud of my wife.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I don't mind the term soul-mate. And I get why people use it. I guess I just think there is most likely more than one person in this big ol' world who could fulfill that soul-mate position in your life. I think when people use it they are saying that there is no one else in the world that would be this ___________ (awesome? connected? ....or whatever it is to you that this soul-mate provides). 

If we use the term to describe how my spouse "gets" me, and understands MY soul.... then ya, H could be my soulmate. I think we are lucky to have found each other!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

SunnyT said:


> I don't mind the term soul-mate. And I get why people use it. *I guess I just think there is most likely more than one person in this big ol' world who could fulfill that soul-mate position in your life. *I think when people use it they are saying that there is no one else in the world that would be this ___________ (awesome? connected? ....or whatever it is to you that this soul-mate provides).


 And this is exactly what that Man spoke about on that late night show I caught .... which gave me some "Ah ha moments..... changing my view of the term -- how some feel "there is just one" who was destined to be with us.... if this is true, and someone *believes it *.. with some marital issues, they may feel they* MISSED their soul mate* and go seek them... without working on the marriage...easily throwing it away.... or some may feel like this....







...which can lead to THIS >>>>







..which would be a very  story.... 

These are WRONG perceptions...that can do great HARM !!

One comforting thing I got out of that program was this.... if our spouses are taken from us.... it is surely possible to find another who could FIT with us.. and move on.. and we've all seen stories like that, someone looses a spouse to cancer, a car accident, etc... and makes a new life with another.. and it just flows very well.. 

So YES.. this world is BIG ENOUGH to find a variety of matches that could be near "Perfect" (in it's imperfect ways that we still love & cherish) for who we are, what we love, dream, crave... and what brings us happiness. 



> *If we use the term to describe how my spouse "gets" me, and understands MY soul.... then ya, H could be my soulmate. I think we are lucky to have found each other*!


 This too is what I am trying to say :smthumbup:


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

Not a day goes by that I don't gently kick myself for not following through with the divorce. This isn't what I had pictured at all. I'm lucky if I get a kiss from her a week, I've lost any interest in sex since I am tired of initiating it and having to do all the work. When we do have us time, I listen to he'd complain about everything under the sun or her mole hill dramas. A little part of my soul dies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

_I married my soul mate and it's great!_

That option. All day, every day.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> My husband has always called me his "Soul mate"...and I dearly Love that he feels this way.... I always felt he was mine too.. when I came to TAM ... I realized for the 1st time just how many people dislike this term, do not believe in it...


Yes, it does get gruff from some. Others simply don't believe.

Personally I could not care less what others think about it. I believe in the concept, with all the spiritual connotations it implies, and I know that my wife is my romantic/life partner soulmate (I believe in soulmates beyond just the romantic capacity).


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

The first day we met, we talked for sat, talked for 7 hours. We met about 1:00 in the afternoon and didn't leave until almost 8 o'clock.

That's how we knew we had something special. And we still do.
Other people can see the special bond between us and comment quite frequently.

However, I like that post by Simply Amorous. Life will be rocky and so will marriage. It's the long haul that proves soul mates.

We've been through a few challenges and came through.

I'm only into year three, So we got to keep this thing going.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I am Happy...26 years of ups and downs. More ups than downs. hitting about 85% average for the first couple of decades. Now closer to 98% in the last three years. 

Without MMSLP, Athol Kay, and stubborn refusal to watch it all dissolve...I wouldn't be here today, my life would be ...not the same. 

I want to believe in soul mates. I want it to be true so bad. I guess that's what makes it so hard, so painful....to know its not. 

Love is a choice, a choice you make everyday several times a day. An irrational choice most of the time. Maybe that's what love really is...the irrational -made real. 

Whatever, I guess, I'll take it.


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## Justus3 (Oct 18, 2014)

I voted, I married my soulmate & it's great!!! :smthumbup:


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## kindnessrules (Sep 5, 2014)

Poll: Hmmm....somewhere between we tolerate each other (or more precisely, I tolerate him) and it sucks, although I didn't actually take the poll because my H and I have different feelings so I can't simply check a box and speak for both of us.

He is an excellent person. He loves me and will always be there for me, and for some people that would be more than enough. I know he is happier than me. It has a lot to do with how capable each partner is of long term commitment, and to his great credit he is much more so than me - he enjoys being around someone and being needed, plus after one previous marriage he has become more self-aware and teachable.

I waited till mid life to marry, waiting till I felt ready to settle down and doing the best I could to work on my issues in order to become a good partner. Walking down the aisle I believed I had married my soul mate - a healthy, virile, smart, sincere younger man who shared my most important ideals. However, 22 years later I am married to an obese, arthritic, impotent, insomniac, antisocial person with whom there is little enjoyment of the relationship. Having a partner with chronic illness who sleeps most of the time and is not exactly available does not help either. I'm sure that sounds critical and ungracious, so if anyone wants to sling mud at me and say well you've changed too, go ahead. It is what it is. 

Admittedly I am a commitment-phobe and a big part of it is simply weariness of the year-in and year-out accommodation and adjustment to another person's quirks, personality, boredom, and just the daily grind of marriage.

Part of it also is likely being an independent woman who waited till mid life to settle down and marry for companionship but found the companion very human.


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## On Horseback (Oct 24, 2014)

Hi, I've just joined this forum. My husband and I have been through it all together. We are stubbornly loyal  But it doesn't seem like either of us are happy very much. We argue, get depressed, get angry. I don't know if it's life challenges being thrown our way, or we have simply grown apart. We are each other's firsts, one-and-only's, having met during 8th grade, started dating during 12th grade. I don't want to throw away what we've got but for the past few years I have been questioning what I'm doing with my life. Could I be happy? Could I feel passion? That sort of thing. I don't know.


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## kindnessrules (Sep 5, 2014)

Onhorseback, your honesty is appreciated. I feel your situation. So sorry there has been pain and disappointment for you. It is gratifying for me to read the comments here about all the partners who seem happy, but there are also many unhappy married people. All I can say is, I have realized in a big way that marriage cannot meet all my needs and I have never given up seeking my own fulfillment, going to support groups, finding my own friendships to fill in the gaps, working on my own weaknesses, apologizing regularly and sincerely, trying to meet his needs and take care of him. I have realized marriage is a huge reality check and eye opener. I marched down the aisle saying no matter what I'll stick, but I never knew it would be so filled with "I so did not sign up for this." 

Sometimes I wonder if those seemingly happy couples are really so happy. 

In fact, just last week I asked a dear cousin visiting from out of town whom I haven't seen in years, "Are you happy?" She quietly said, "No." I truly thought she and her very nice husband were happy. But it just goes to show that even two nice people may not necessarily be happy, and no one but them will ever know the real reasons, which may be complicated.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

kindnessrules said:


> Onhorseback, your honesty is appreciated. I feel your situation. So sorry there has been pain and disappointment for you. It is gratifying for me to read the comments here about all the partners who seem happy, but there are also many unhappy married people. All I can say is, I have realized in a big way that marriage cannot meet all my needs and I have never given up seeking my own fulfillment, going to support groups, finding my own friendships to fill in the gaps, working on my own weaknesses, apologizing regularly and sincerely, trying to meet his needs and take care of him. I have realized marriage is a huge reality check and eye opener. I marched down the aisle saying no matter what I'll stick, but I never knew it would be so filled with "I so did not sign up for this."
> 
> Sometimes I wonder if those seemingly happy couples are really so happy.
> 
> In fact, just last week I asked a dear cousin visiting from out of town whom I haven't seen in years, "Are you happy?" She quietly said, "No." I truly thought she and her very nice husband were happy. But it just goes to show that even two nice people may not necessarily be happy, and no one but them will ever know the real reasons, which may be complicated.


this is all very sobering. I am currently very happy in my marriage. it is blissful. but i know from past relationships that things change. I'm only in our third year. the honeymoon is still going on. what will happen when it dissapates? it's easy to say "well, then keep it going". And of course I will do everything in my power to make that happen.

but almost every day, i ponder the future and scares me to think about that day i wake up when I no longer yearn to be with my wife the way i do now.

maybe iv'e finally gotten lucky and found the greatest woman i ever met (and I believe i have), or maybe 5 years from now i'll find myself like a lot of other people "what did i do? why didn't i wait longer?"

only time will tell for sure. hope time is on my side.


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