# So confused I could scream!



## checkingout (Jun 7, 2012)

This is kind of a long story, but I'll try to be brief. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. Last year I was chatting online and it caused quite a bit of problems although I shared no pictures, did not use my real name, and said nothing intimate to anyone. We worked through it (at least I thought we did) and everything was great. We spend all our free time together and he holds my hand everywhere we go and is very affectionate. I thought things were going great. He works a lot but comes straight home afterwards and I really didn't have any reason to suspect anything....except that his cell phone never leaves his pocket. I mean no matter what he wears, he has it. He rides dirtbikes and used to give me his phone to hold while he was in his gear, but started hiding it when he couldn't hold it. I was a little worried, but since things were going so great for the last 9 months, I didn't push it. He got a new phone about a week ago and while trying to set it up, he couldn't remember his password, so I got on the ipad and logged in with what I thought it was and saw 2 video chats, but there was no other information and he denied knowing anything about them. Yesterday while cleaning out a closet I found a page with a few different email addresses on it for him, so it got me thinking why he would need so many emails, so I logged into a different one I knew about and found 4 chats between him and the same person with him saying how good they were for each other and that he truly loved her. She said she was going to be in town and she wanted to see him and he said yes "that's the plan". I confronted him about it and after denying it at first, he admitted it and said he would be picking up his things after work and I could have the house and everything in it. He did come get some of his clothing, but nothing else. He called our daughter and talked to her last night, but I didn't talk to him. I don't know where he is. The reason I am so confused is that he goes straight to work and straight home, and we haven't been fighting in months. We have been very affectionate and talking more than we have in a long time. I don't know if I should see a divorce attorney or what. The chatting might be something we could work through, but it tore me to shreds seeing him say that he truly loved her. He has also obviously been chatting through his smartphone games and somewhere else, because he said he didn't want to talk on that unless he's at work because it didn't have a password, which means he must be sneaking into the bathroom or something at home to talk to her. Sorry if this is long-winded, but I just don't know what to do.


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## Ms. What-to-do? (Apr 8, 2013)

Get an attorney. Get a therapist for you. You need to surround yourself with support. 
You probably got yelled at by him re the chat cuz of his guilty conscience, which then prompted him to work hard again for a bit... 
But you did the part he couldn't do... you found out when he couldn't tell you.

At least he left quick. It might not feel that way, but that is actually better than him staying there making everything terrible.
Sorry for the bluntness..


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Holy cow! I am so sorry you must feel like someone made the ground disappear!

Go to an attorney, tell all family and friends he left to be with his affair partner. Don't sugar coat, don't rug sweep.

He's been extra nice lately because he's felt guilty for what he's been doing to you. What a coward! Clean out the bank accounts! That SOB!!!!


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## Nix (Jan 23, 2012)

What a betrayal. I am so sorry that you are going through this. It's so hard when one partner is caught completely off guard. I'm going through something similar myself right now.

I would call an attorney and file, and then see what happens. You can always call off D proceedings if you are able to work things out. But I also agree with Anon Pink; your H is a ********* for what he did, and it's up to you whether you can forgive him for this. No matter what may have happened in the past, none of this is your fault. Sounds like you owned up to your mistakes and did your part to fix the marriage. The rest is on him.


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