# Sending red roses



## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

My husband sent me a dozen red roses for Valentines Day..he sent his daughter a dozen red roses also.

He didn't talk to me for a week because I got upset over the fact that he sent his daughter the same thing as me. Told him that I didn't care if he sent her roses..just not red ones as there's a difference in what one sends his wife vs what one sends his daughter.

I suggested that he could have sent her pink, yellow, white..but not red.

He didn't get it. Was I wrong?


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## Julius Beastcavern (May 11, 2015)

Is the daughter not yours? If not, do you think you'd get upset if he had sent them to a daughter you had together?.

I'm taking it the girl is not yours and you're suffering from the green eyed monster


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Yes you are wrong IMHO.

The poor guy did a lovely thing by sending you roses and a very sweet thing sending his daughter roses as well. Instead of being thrilled you have turned it into a negative, how is that being greatful?

So what is the whole story? Like the pp asked, is she your daughter? Are you jealous of her?

Now if he had of sent roses of any colour to your neighbour or a co worker, then you might have cause for concern.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

memyselfandi said:


> He didn't get it. Was I wrong?


You *****ed about the colour of roses a father gave to his daughter because he gave roses of the same colour to you. The colour represents love, not only romantic but love in general. 

The colours you proposed represent different things.

Were you wrong? You already know the answer.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Yep you were wrong and petty. Love is love and he chose to express his to both you and his daughter, so then you tell him his daughter doesn't deserve to have the same kind of love as you. 

You think that's a battle you can ever win? You need to apologize for being insecure and jealous.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

Of course you were wrong. IMO
He probably won't send you roses again.
Who cares about the colour of the roses. It's the thought and gesture here that counts. 


Sent from my iPhone


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

According to Ellen Kreidman in Light Her Fire , All women constantly compare what you do for them and what you do for other women including your mother, your daughter, His daughter, and his mother. Now granted that book is a bit out of date. It was the first self help marriage book I ever read and I still refer to it. It is like there is a little meter in your head that counts every word, glance , smile or helping hand that he offers. A man would be wise to pay attention to that advice. 

In this case specifically he could have sent a dozen pink roses at the same or greater cost and he would be off the hook. But hey he is just a typical emotionally retarded guy. Give him a break and see that he understands and learns from his mistake. 

About Daughters and Valentines Day. I go back to my Grandmother for this advice. She sent everyone of her 50 grandchildren a valentines card every year while they were in school. This is likely because of a very cruel prank pulled on her and her sisters when she was young, but her intent was that her family know on that day that they were loved. I've given my Daughters and son a gift on valentines for many years. My Wife helps me buy them and present them. She understands the history and the emotion expressed. 
@memyselfandi you came here for help and I think that what you need is to understand and appreciate what your husband has done. To get to that point, you are going to have to take a metaphorical step back and remove your feelings from this. (not that your feelings aren't valid, they just aren't helping you right now) See that his having a loving healthy relationship with his kids is actually important to you , and help him to do that without hurting you. Make this a building rock not a stumbling stone.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

While I understand how this could cause you to feel that way, and many people might feel the same way in the same circumstances, this is one of those cases where you should've dealt with that little green monster on your own. It would be very bad for your marriage if you let yourself vent these feelings on him when they occur. Go and talk it through with someone very sensible and level headed next time, instead of him. You want to be the only woman linked to him romantically, and you have made a link between red roses and romance, but for him, I think he just sees red roses as the colour of choice for women to be sent on V Day. He wanted to show the special women in his life that he was thinking of them. Unfortunately, you have now soured this feeling for him. Every time he thinks of sending you flowers on V Day now, he will be reminded of your jealousy.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

OP, is there some history between you and the daughter we are missing? 

It's really not for you to decide what he does, is it? Or what is acceptable for him to do with his own time, money, feelings?

Maybe the meaning behind red roses is different for him than for you. Maybe to him it just flat out means love. 

Do you really want to make him have to choose between you and a child? Because if she's not biologically yours, I hate to tell you, but the choice is a no-brainer for him.

Kindness and graciousness doesn't cost anything.


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

I guess we know who won't be getting flowers at work anymore!! SMH


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Yes, you're wrong. And I bet he'll never buy another red rose! In fact, every time he even SEES red roses he will be reminded of your petty tantrum.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Share in the immeasurable love that he has unselfishly shown to the both of you! Do you really think that God would want it any other way?

Enough said!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Don't assume that all men (or women for that matter) know the "color code" for flowers. The color may not mean anything special to him - they were just nice flowers. 

Please don't ever be jealous of his daughter. It is terribly unfair to make a man choose between his daughter and his wife.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Brandy905 said:


> I guess we know who won't be getting flowers at work anymore!! SMH


 
+1
You weren't wrong if your goal was to make sure your husband never does anything nice for you again. If that was your goal you achieved it in spades. Congratulations!
Don't over think it. Us men ( most of us anyway) don't think like that. We love our wives and daughters. God help you if you make him choose.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

He ordered the same thing for the two 'loves' of his life. It was Valentine's Day. He went with tradition. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

- he thought of you
- he tried to do something nice for you
- the fact he also did the same nice thing for his daughter is irrelevant
- you complained about the nice thing he did

You should apologize. He has no idea what 'color' means - yellow is supposed to mean marriage but you'd be OK with those you said. So YOU aren't going by color. You're jealous that she got the same thing and feel it means he doesn't care about you MORE than her. Instead what he intended was to say he loves you both equally but differently. And you just ruined this nice thing he did for you and end up looking petty.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I've done much the same; as Richard refers to, I don't know the "color code" and honestly don't have the inclination to learn. I'd be pretty irritated (and puzzled) over being called on buying the same color for my wife and daughter, too.

But this was back in February, right? Is there still fallout from the fight you two had over these roses?


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## Big Tree (Jul 25, 2014)

You can imagine the same set of circumstances posted in a different way...

Wow! My husband is great. He gave his daughter and myself a dozen roses as a gift. They were so beautiful. I am proud to be married to such a thoughtful man.


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

Valentines Day is for lover or sweethearts. It is _*NOT*_ for mothers or daughters. If the OP's DH gave his mother red roses for Valentines Day, everyone would be up in arms. Why is giving a daughter red roses, the same thing he gave his wife any different?

When ordering the roses, the DH would have been asked which were the DW and who the others were for and have the colors explained to him by the florist.

This is as creepy as those purity rings where a father gives his daughter a ring and she gives him her "purity" until her marriage. If a mother tried this same thing people would be screaming incest.

The love for a wife is different than the love for a daughter and should supersede that. They should *NEVER* be considered the same.

IamSomebody


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

IamSomebody said:


> Valentines Day is for lover or sweethearts. It is _*NOT*_ for mothers or daughters. If the OP's DH gave his mother red roses for Valentines Day, everyone would be up in arms. Why is giving a daughter red roses, the same thing he gave his wife any different?
> 
> When ordering the roses, the DH would have been asked which were the DW and who the others were for and have the colors explained to him by the florist.
> 
> ...


If I get remarried, and someone tells me the love for my new husband should SUPERCEDE the love I have for my children, they are living in a dreamland. 

Do you have children??


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

IamSomebody said:


> Valentines Day is for lover or sweethearts. It is _*NOT*_ for mothers or daughters. If the OP's DH gave his mother red roses for Valentines Day, everyone would be up in arms. Why is giving a daughter red roses, the same thing he gave his wife any different?
> 
> When ordering the roses, the DH would have been asked which were the DW and who the others were for and have the colors explained to him by the florist.
> 
> ...


I think it would be an extraordinarily small group of people that would be up in arms about any of the scenarios presented in this post. I think most people would either not give it a second thought, or would be impressed about the thoughtfulness of the gifts.

The only real situation I can see people being up in arms would be the if the giver was in an exclusive relationship and was giving to someone who was not their partner, nor otherwise related.

Valentines Day has long since moved from the exclusive domain of lovers and romantic love into the broader realm of general like and friendship which is why much of the marketing and merchandising is for children...valentines for the whole class, cards for parents, for children.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
When I was growing up (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) as kids we made valentines day cards for our mothers. Maybe that has changed in the intervening centuries.

There may be a color code to flowers, but not everyone is aware of it. I usually get my wife red roses, but for variety I'll get her other colors if they are interesting. If she has ever been offended by yellow and orange flame roses, she has never said so.....




IamSomebody said:


> Valentines Day is for lover or sweethearts. It is _*NOT*_ for mothers or daughters. If the OP's DH gave his mother red roses for Valentines Day, everyone would be up in arms. Why is giving a daughter red roses, the same thing he gave his wife any different?
> 
> When ordering the roses, the DH would have been asked which were the DW and who the others were for and have the colors explained to him by the florist.
> 
> ...


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

If there's a rule book and rose color guide, nobody told me either, and I've been around a year or three too! 
Never heard of such rules and/or protocols. 

I'm with richardsharpe!


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## DDudley14 (Apr 12, 2016)

Lurkster said:


> If there's a rule book and rose color guide, nobody told me either, and I've been around a year or three too!
> Never heard of such rules and/or protocols.
> 
> I'm with richardsharpe!


I took a peek at Google and there actually is one. My Aunt owns a florist so I learned some of the colors from her. 
Red-Love, Pink-Graditude, and Yellow-Friendship. 

I've received all different kinds of colors From family, friends and my H. Flowers are so expensive, I was flattered that they thought of me. 

Here's a link to help:

http://www.rkdn.org/roses/colors.asp

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Not a troll she had posted previously on other questions. Proof enough for me. I'm pretty sure she didn't like or agree with the replies on this one. Gone now. Nothing to see here move along here.


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## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

For gods sake. I give my gal flowers all the time. Your lucky he does. A lot of guys don't. 

And your reaction sure ain't going to motivate him to in the future


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