# Is a hall pass an RA?



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I don't think so.

IMO a hall pass is an agreed upon contract between a BS and the WS whereas an RA is no different than an affair.

Morally you could argue they are one and the same.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Marc878 said:


> I don't think so.
> 
> IMO a hall pass is an agreed upon contract between a BS and the WS whereas an RA is no different than an affair.
> 
> Morally you could argue they are one and the same.


I say no and it doesnt even things up..here is why..

An affair shatters trust, sucker punches the BS and destroys their self esteem

A hall pass does none of these things - the WS is aware of what is going on, has some control over how the events unfold and is using it to lessen their own guilt - there is no sucker punch or blow to the self esteem but it could be used as a tool of the WS to say things are even and feel less guilty

If a BS is going to have an RA then just fvcking do it - the cheater didn't ask permission so it always boggles my mind when the BS asks permission...


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

Marc878 said:


> I don't think so.
> 
> IMO a hall pass is an agreed upon contract between a BS and the WS whereas an RA is no different than an affair.
> 
> Morally you could argue they are one and the same.


As you said,it is consesual. So,no.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Maxo said:


> As you said,it is consesual. So,no.


Hall passes make zero sense form the perspective of the Bs - it just gives the WS more power...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

A retroactive hall pass when the WS discovers their previously loyal spouse has gone disloyal and forgives them is a different kettle of fish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Marc878 said:


> I don't think so.
> 
> IMO a hall pass is an agreed upon contract between a BS and the WS whereas an RA is no different than an affair.
> 
> Morally you could argue they are one and the same.


An RA is very different than an affair. An affair breaks the marriage contract. An RA does not because the marriage contract is already broken and in my opinion, no longer valid. In my opinion they are not morally one in the same. One could argue that an RA is morally incorrect ... and that is a matter of opinion, but the only opinion that matters after the first affair is the opinion of the BS, no one else's opinion matters. Permission of the WS is not required for an RA. In fact for an RA th be effective, the WS should not know about it until after it happens.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

How can you even up hurting each other? Oh, you ****ed me over, ok, here I'll get you back. Love you now. Doesn't work that way. Just builds even more resentment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

No, a hall pass can't substitute for an RA. But divorce is a great equalizer.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

both concepts disgust me. Either fix the $hit or don't. Cheating is cheating period. However, while there is some sympathy from me regarding RA's, I would rather divorce or fix it


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Rather than obtaining a hall pass due to cheating, I'd prefer to take an early graduation from that class and move up a grade.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

The Middleman said:


> An RA is very different than an affair. An affair breaks the marriage contract. An RA does not because the marriage contract is already broken and in my opinion, no longer valid. In my opinion they are not morally one in the same. One could argue that an RA is morally incorrect ... and that is a matter of opinion, but the only opinion that matters after the first affair is the opinion of the BS, no one else's opinion matters. Permission of the WS is not required for an RA. In fact for an RA th be effective, the WS should not know about it until after it happens.


Exactly - the concept of a "hall pass" is to give the WS an avenue to feel better about themselves by declaring that things are even - excep they are not..why would any Bs seek permission to do what they needed to do to heal? Plus its childish...even the term "hall pass" is childish...

I read one case where the BW's WH gave her a "hall pass" but she was only allowed to do it once..and then he took it back..WTF??


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> No, a hall pass can't substitute for an RA. But divorce is a great equalizer.


Agree 100%..a "hall pass" doesnt make anything even..


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Exactly - the concept of a "hall pass" is to give the WS an avenue to feel better about themselves by declaring that things are even - excep they are not..why would any Bs seek permission to do what they needed to do to heal? Plus its childish...even the term "hall pass" is childish...


I agree. 

My XW offered me a hall pass. I was offended and told her as much. 

Sleeping with someone else wouldn't have fixed our relationship. Divorce did. I'm much happier now.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I would think that requesting a hall pass in response to your spouse cheating would really be about who beat who to wanting non-monogamy first.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

marduk said:


> I would think that requesting a hall pass in response to your spouse cheating would really be about who beat who to wanting non-monogamy first.


Requesting the hall pass also give the WS more power..that they never gave the BS in having their own affair..


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

Herschel said:


> How can you even up hurting each other? Oh, you ****ed me over, ok, here I'll get you back. Love you now. Doesn't work that way. Just builds even more resentment.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How does one legitamately resent being the recipient after having already doled out a similar experience( and I agree with Middleman,the RA is not as hurtful for a number of reasons).?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Maxo said:


> How does one legitamately resent being the recipient after having already doled out a similar experience( and I agree with Middleman,the RA is not as hurtful for a number of reasons).?


Some cheaters would like to add hypocrite to their resume...


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