# Wife doesn't Love me



## Mike13 (Sep 25, 2009)

I'm looking for thoughts and advice. My wife and I went to her company trip and she ended up in another guys room. She said she got locked out of our room and she called him and not me. The next day she told me that she didn't love me and she also asked what I would think if she had an affair. She said she didn't have one. A few days later she finally told me what happened in that room that night. They were lying on the bed and they hugged. I told her that to me that is cuddling not hugging. He asked her about maybe doing something but she said no( so she says). Then he gave her a backrub over her shirt and under her shirt. We fought for a few days. She knows that I can't stand her talking to him but she works with him and she even told me that they talk at work and email at work. She told me that she would not leave me but why keep talking to him if she wants to stay with me. She thinks that she can love me again but needs alittle time. Now I havn't been the best husband but I love her probably more now then ever. What do you guys think.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Well you love her more I think cause she is slipping away.. Still she needs to change something or it won't get better.. The longer she is around him the temptation will be there and lust is powerful. It makes people do things they wouldn't normally do.. She crossed the line from a co-worker to the start of an affair if it didn't happen already. She spent the night in his room and they didn't go any further then a back rub?? I find that hard to believe. See if she can look for another job. If not its going to to struggle cause of jealousy..


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## 20yrs (Sep 18, 2009)

Loving Husband said:


> Well you love her more I think cause she is slipping away.. Still she needs to change something or it won't get better.. The longer she is around him the temptation will be there and lust is powerful. It makes people do things they wouldn't normally do.. She crossed the line from a co-worker to the start of an affair if it didn't happen already. She spent the night in his room and they didn't go any further then a back rub?? I find that hard to believe. See if she can look for another job. If not its going to to struggle cause of jealousy..


:iagree:


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I think she needs to cut off the other man. If she won't stop doing anything but professional contact, she has made her choice.

Whether or not you've been the best husband, she has to make that decision to work on her marriage. There is no room for a third person in marriage, ever.


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## 3773519 (Sep 24, 2009)

Can I ask why she has been falling out of love with you? I mean what would be your opinion on why she feels like she doesnt love you anymore? Obviously she is missing a connection with you and is interested to get that connection with someone else.


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## Harvard (Aug 11, 2009)

I would be livid but as the numbered girl said above. (sorry but typing all those numbers on a laptop is a drag)

Have you done or not done something to provoke this behavior from her? I am not saying it is okay by any means, just trying to undestand the bigger picture.


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## 3773519 (Sep 24, 2009)

Harvard said:


> I would be livid but as the numbered girl said above. (sorry but typing all those numbers on a laptop is a drag)
> 
> Have you done or not done something to provoke this behavior from her? I am not saying it is okay by any means, just trying to undestand the bigger picture.


Thats funny. How is it a drag the numbers are all at the top? :scratchhead::lol:


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

If you really value a relationship, you first off, don't call another guy, if in fact, you *really* _*are*_ locked out of your hotel room. You call your spouse.

You state that you haven't been "the best husband." I am curious as to what you mean by that.

From your description of the night in question; I find it very hard to believe that nothing physical happened. In addition, you are her husband, and no matter how you look at it, there was, at the very least, an emotional affair in progress. She basically told you that the next day when she told you she didn't love you anymore.

--This Is Just My Opinion, Of Course.


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## Harvard (Aug 11, 2009)

because I am not used to typing on the numbers on my work laptop. I don't have that cool side number pad like some laptops. Don't be oofended it's a lot of numbers so next time I will just type 37 and you will know who I mean : )


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## Harvard (Aug 11, 2009)

oh and as you can see from my picture I don't feel well....haha


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## Tim (Mar 24, 2009)

My god. Your wife takes no responsibility for her actions. I'm willing to bet she did something, she was just testing the waters with you and manipulating you with jealousy and threats of impending affair. If she hasnt outright told you to follow her rules...then she is implying it in everyway.

Let me ask you something? Do you love yourself? List a few qualities about yourself that you admire.... hard isn't it....

If you don't love yourself, no one will. It's so ironic that way.

You need to leave her ass, but dont take my word for it. You are in a world of hell my friend and only you can pull yourself out.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Tim said:


> You need to leave her ass, but dont take my word for it. You are in a world of hell my friend and only you can pull yourself out.


yeah, in a hurry.

i wouldn't try to salvage anything if my wife did this. thats Bull.


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## Mike13 (Sep 25, 2009)

I figured out that I took our marriage for granted. She told me that I didn't show enough affection. (sorry my spelling is horrible). First she told me there was not enough sex, then she told me not enough affection. I have realized that I took our marriage for granted and I'm trying to make up for it. I told her that I'd do any thing. 

I've been working my tail off to show her that I love her but when we finally had sex the other night she started crying. She told me that she couldn't trust that I wouldn't hurt her again, and I don't blame her. I wanted to tell hr that trust went both ways. I'm having a hard time trusting her at work right now. Last nigh we were talking about going shopping this weekend and she told me that she should just go alone so we wouldn't have to get a babysitter. Shopping is ussually like ourdate day. So now I have nthing but bad thoughts in my head. The thought has crossed my mind that she is making all of this up to showme the problems that we are having. It worked!!!


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

She cried because she feels guilty about what she did. Don't let her bamboozle you.

She broke the trust here. You may have taken her for granted, but she broke the trust. 

Tell her you are goign shopping with her and that you'll take the baby (or children or whatever). Remove that sitter issue completely.


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## keekee (Sep 30, 2009)

Mike13 said:


> I'm looking for thoughts and advice. My wife and I went to her company trip and she ended up in another guys room. She said she got locked out of our room and she called him and not me. The next day she told me that she didn't love me and she also asked what I would think if she had an affair. She said she didn't have one. A few days later she finally told me what happened in that room that night. They were lying on the bed and they hugged. I told her that to me that is cuddling not hugging. He asked her about maybe doing something but she said no( so she says). Then he gave her a backrub over her shirt and under her shirt. We fought for a few days. She knows that I can't stand her talking to him but she works with him and she even told me that they talk at work and email at work. She told me that she would not leave me but why keep talking to him if she wants to stay with me. She thinks that she can love me again but needs alittle time. Now I havn't been the best husband but I love her probably more now then ever. What do you guys think.


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## keekee (Sep 30, 2009)

I would have to ask if the reason why you want her more now than ever is because you see that someone else has her attention? If so, then I don't think that is a good idea to pursue the relationship, but do purse her if you still really love her...I think you should hang in there, and be romantic in a nonsexual way...leave notes in the bathroom..."just thinkin of you", call a check up on her from work...cook dinner...cook her breakfast...that way she will see you are trying...


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## Andre2000 (Jul 2, 2009)

You are taking the full responsibility for the decline in the marriage.

You are allowing her to blame you for cheating.

You are doing "anything" as you said.


I'm so sorry you are under her mental control. This happened to me because I loved a monster. You are letting a monster do this to you...she doesn't care about you.

Making you stay home with baby. Huh....sounds SO FREAKING FAMILIAR! You are her toy, her play thing that no one else can have. She puts you away in the toy box while she goes off and plays with her other toys. WAKE UP! You are an object to her, just like other men are. She is NOT a good person and you are allowing yourself to be trained and controlled.

Sit fido...sit.


You do it because you want everything to be better. Its not going to get better my friend. You are making it worse by doing this.

Start respecting yourself.

One thing that I learned with females is this...once you lose their respect...you NEVER get it back. I speak from personal experience. If a woman shows me disrespect, its over. Period. One day you will find someone that will respect you unconditionally...and you deserve that because you are capable of the same. Hell, you are doing it right now. You don't deserve this.


Divorce my friend...everything will be ok. Get a lawyer, and secure your parental rights. Write everything down immediately after you have fights. Write down all the times she comes home late, makes you stay home with baby, and check her cell phone records and take notes!!!!!

Trust me it will end with more abuse and if you snap and abuse her back you WILL pay for it. Don't do it. Just leave. 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... Read this article
How Emotionally Abusive Women Control You: The Fear of Loss and the Need for Approval « A Shrink for Men


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## Loveissweet29 (Oct 1, 2009)

I agree with LovingHusband with "The longer she is around him the temptation will be there and lust is powerful." If she is trying to be with you, then she needs to leave the other guy alone. It will only bring problems.


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## Sha100 (Oct 12, 2009)

Um Hi,
I'm new and reading some posts. Mike, if you don't mind, I think your wife has a great lack of respect for you. She needs to understand that if there is a problem, it should be worked out between the two of you. I find her behavior to be quite immature and very disrespectful. No one can speculate on what happened or what didn't happen. You just can't know and that's not really the issue. The question is why does your wife think it is okay to treat you with so little respect. If your wife called another man and not you, well, that is just so out of bounds already, even without all of the other things she is doing. You deserve to be treated with respect.


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## alaflybaby (Oct 14, 2009)

foolz1 said:


> If you really value a relationship, you first off, don't call another guy, if in fact, you *really* _*are*_ locked out of your hotel room. You call your spouse.
> 
> You state that you haven't been "the best husband." I am curious as to what you mean by that.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## EternalBacheor (Jul 26, 2009)

"I figured out that I took our marriage for granted." So this is all somehow "Your fault"........????

Your wife is an Emotional Terrorist.

She enjoys inflicting emotional pain on you. 

Do allow this woman to castate you - file for divorce, move on with your life.


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## mr.niceguy (Oct 17, 2009)

Loveissweet29 said:


> I agree with LovingHusband with "The longer she is around him the temptation will be there and lust is powerful." If she is trying to be with you, then she needs to leave the other guy alone. It will only bring problems.


:iagree:

My wife started out small and by the time I relized it she had had a 3 year affair and 4 different. Mostly emotional affairs but it can be an addiction and all contact has to stop!


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## mr.niceguy (Oct 17, 2009)

EternalBacheor said:


> Do allow this woman to castate you - file for divorce, move on with your life.



Easy to say but so hard to do. I have been close and it is very hard.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

It's very hard trust me. I am one that should have been gone but I can't bring myself to.. my wife can't either..


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

Your wife has no respect for you. Even if she did nothing with that man (which I don't believe for one second) she shouldn't have been in his room in the first place. She is wrong and she doesn't deserve your heartache.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

A crocodile cries just before it chomps down in dinner. Washes their eyes to better see their prey.

Your wife is despicable.

Locked out of your room so she goes and bangs another man in the hotel? and expects you to believe she got a back rub?

Holy crap man!

Wake up. Your wife is cheating and thumbing her nose at you.

Don't let her "tears" sway you to let it slide.


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## alaflybaby (Oct 14, 2009)

michzz said:


> A crocodile cries just before it chomps down in dinner. Washes their eyes to better see their prey.
> 
> Your wife is despicable.
> 
> ...


:iagree:
So sorry to say, but I have to agree with this post! She doesn't deserve you, and you deserve WAY better than that!


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## erolyc (Oct 23, 2009)

Andre2000 said:


> You are taking the full responsibility for the decline in the marriage.
> 
> You are allowing her to blame you for cheating.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Having problems my self.... this helped....


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