# No sex so i finally left.



## phil3path (Jan 7, 2012)

hey everyone im a new member on here . I've just separated from my wife of only 2 years. we dated for 3 years before. when we started dating we would only be intimate maybe once a week. she was very stiff and shy but functional and beautiful. Ive been around the block so just thought maybe in time she d loosen up a bit ya know. boy was i wrong. 1 week turned into 2 , 2 to 3, in the last year we were intimate maybe 4 times. Im only 34 and just couldnt take it anymore. tried counseling a few times and she refused to talk about sex. I feel bad because shes a mess at the moment as its only been about a week since I left.

But I also feel that why should I be unhappy for the rest of my life just to make her happy. I pay all the bills, gave her the new house, car, dog, perfect little life. But I felt like a prisoner. If you know you arnt happy and are going to start looking elsewhere to fullfill your physical needs isnt it better for the both of you to end it before there are kids involved.anyways just venting.

Thx,

the bad guy


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did you tell her you left because of no sex? What does she say about the no sex thing now?

I do not get people who will not have sex with their spouse ... unless there is some serious abuse or neglect.


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

You are not the bad guy. Sex is a very normal, natural pleasure shared between two people who love each other. I think you did the right thing by ending the marriage if you did not plan on being faithful. You tried counseling and talking to her but she couldn't be the person you wanted her to be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I think it's great that you made the decision to leave, I read so many stories on here where people stay in sexless marriages for 10 years and more, and nothing changes. I don't understand why people stay in these types of situations.

So, you left, do you think this will open her eyes? I wouldn't go back until she is committed to working on this area of your marriage. She needs to know what is acceptable and not in terms of a healthy relationship.

good luck


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

You signed up to be married--not roommates. Couples having sex less than 10 times a year are considered by therapists to have a "sexless marriage." Perhaps your leaving will wake her up to seek real help, maybe see a sex therapist and get a complete physical. But the very same things going on insider her that make it difficult for her to talk to you about sex and be sexual with you, make it difficult for her to talk to a stranger about sex. So that first step will be the big hurtle. Also, some people are just kind of asexual or very low desire and won't be changed. I wish you the best.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Anyone who didn't do what you did is a fool in my humble opionion, and thankfully you pulled before you had kids..... that is usually what keeps men staying...because they put thier children before themselves.... and frankly loosing all enthusiam for life itself to where they become a depressive shell. 

Hopefully she will seek help because making love is a vital part of marraige -it IS the connective bond that ties 2 to each other, it simply does so very much that is hard to even express... 

This article captures that, it was written by someone trapped in a sexless marraige, it is very moving.....

This is What a Sexless Marriage Feels Like - And yet - Open Salon

Life is short, we need to be matched with someone compatible, and sexually compatible is HUGE. They say it is less than 10% of the relationship ,but when it is broken or absent, it becomes 90%.


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## CrazyGuy (Dec 30, 2011)

Talking from my experience you did the correct thing. It does happen but very few people change. You went threw the steps for help and nothing happened.

I do not understand why a spouse will cut back on sex even more when they already know it is a problem. 

Good luck.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Do you think your wife, or stbxw, could be encouraged to go to counseling for herself? It sounds like there may be more than just sexual repression/inhibitions in her past, and it would be a shame if she didn't try and reach out for some kind of help. I hope she will at some point for her own sake.

Best wishes.


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## phil3path (Jan 7, 2012)

up at 7 am cause cant sleep. to answer someones question above. yes Ive been telling her that no sex has been a huge issue for the last 4 years and she would just say"all I care about is sex answer" there was no abuse or neglect actually quite the opposite. I would rub her feet ,back, and head everyday after she came home from work but yet nothing from her in return. it was like having this beautiful Porsche and never getting to drive it.lol I apologize in advance to any woman for that analogy but its just how men relate things in their heads sometimes.

thanks everyone for posting a reply it really does help

a new year a new life

thx

the bad guy


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

phil3path said:


> up at 7 am cause cant sleep. to answer someones question above. yes Ive been telling her that no sex has been a huge issue for the last 4 years and she would just say"all I care about is sex answer" there was no abuse or neglect actually quite the opposite. I would rub her feet ,back, and head everyday after she came home from work but yet nothing from her in return. it was like having this beautiful Porsche and never getting to drive it.lol I apologize in advance to any woman for that analogy but its just how men relate things in their heads sometimes.
> 
> thanks everyone for posting a reply it really does help
> 
> ...


good for you. good luck.


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## Wantsmore (Sep 13, 2011)

Sounds like my wife. Beautiful woman, has everything a man could want and more only no interest in sex.

I have been at it for 21 years and been married for 15. Wishing now I could go back and see the writing on the wall. There is no easy way out now, so if you cant fix things here and now. Better to cut your losses and find someone who is more in tune with you. You are too young to have to be in that situation. I am only 37 and wish I could turn the clock back.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sorry you're in this situation. Do you see now the red flags before marriage? You won't make that mistake again 

How are you feeling today about things? Ready to continue separation? Divorce?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I also believe you made a wise choice. I've seen some husbands who were in the same situation as you only to find out that their wives were having sex with other men, just not with them.


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

phil3path said:


> hey everyone im a new member on here . I've just separated from my wife of only 2 years. we dated for 3 years before. when we started dating we would only be intimate maybe once a week. she was very stiff and shy but functional and beautiful. Ive been around the block so just thought maybe in time she d loosen up a bit ya know. boy was i wrong. 1 week turned into 2 , 2 to 3, in the last year we were intimate maybe 4 times. Im only 34 and just couldnt take it anymore. tried counseling a few times and she refused to talk about sex. I feel bad because shes a mess at the moment as its only been about a week since I left.
> 
> But I also feel that why should I be unhappy for the rest of my life just to make her happy. I pay all the bills, gave her the new house, car, dog, perfect little life. But I felt like a prisoner. If you know you arnt happy and are going to start looking elsewhere to fullfill your physical needs isnt it better for the both of you to end it before there are kids involved.anyways just venting.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

morituri said:


> I also believe you made a wise choice. I've seen some husbands who were in the same situation as you only to find out that their wives were having sex with other men, just not with them.


Yeah, that's a whole different ball game tho, don't think that it's happening here.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Good for you in being honest enough to admit you cannot live that way... 
Can I ask how you told others \ how its going?

I am in a similar situation, and find myself on the verge of thinking of having an exit affair all day everyday, and i know I have to find the guts to leave. The thoughts are consuming me. Our drives do not match, hes busting his butt being a perfect husband in every other way, I just cannot life with sex once a month or feeling like I am forcing someone to do it just for me.

Kudos to you, good luck in the future.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

deejov said:


> I am in a similar situation, and find myself on the verge of thinking of having an exit affair all day everyday, and i know I have to find the guts to leave.


Nix those thoughts about having an exit affair. Nobody deserves to be cheated on, and more so when the LD (low drive) spouse is a good person.

If you leave your husband, then do it with dignity and not in disgraceful shame for betraying your moral principles.

Once divorced you can have all the casual sex you want. If that is what you truly want.


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## duckfeet (Jan 7, 2012)

Is it possible that she was sexually abused when she was younger? Maybe something she has never told you about? That would explain why she would feel like you are "all about sex". She might very seriously have a problem relating sex to love, or sex might even make her feel dirty, vulnerable and ashamed. Also could be why she is "stiff" and not able to relax. I know you have already left, but before you rush out and find someone else I would urge you to stick it out a little longer. If there is something in her past that has made her this way, or something medically wrong, and it can be solved it would make it soo much better, then you could have the whole package!! I know you have tried, and I can totally relate to you wanting to connect to your wife that way. Just realize there could be a very good and very fixable reason for her hang up on sex.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

duckfeet said:


> Just realize there could be a very good and very fixable reason for her hang up on sex.


The problem is that a lot of spouses don't do anything until it reaches crisis level such as the other spouse leaving before they do anything about it. The problem is that by then it may be too little too late because of the resentment and lack of trust from the walk away spouse.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

phil3path,

Glad to here to you moved on. Based upon historical evidence amongst these forums, I believe you didnt do enough to try and make the marriage work. But you did divorce her, which is action, which is something far too many guys around here cant do.


Im gonna take a stab and say that you were neglecting your wife, in the sence that she said to you, "All you want is sex"
Even thoguh you were giving her back rubs and everything.

I firmly believe that you need to build a strong emotional foundation with your wife so that she knows you are interested in more than just her body. After this is done, she is gonna be begging for sex as much as any "nice guy"

Regardless of whether or not you believe you carry any blame, I highly suggest you work on yourself, otherwise you will attract the same type of woman as your ex.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Sometimes a man can be the most romantic and attentive husband, yet still be deprived of sex. 

We cannot always jump to the conclusion that the man is neglecting his wife!

If the OP's ex refused to discuss sex in therapy, that shows a lack of initiative in trying to solve the problem. If past sexual abuse was the issue, counseling may have helped.

Nobody gets married to be celibate.


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## phil3path (Jan 7, 2012)

deejov said:


> Good for you in being honest enough to admit you cannot live that way...
> Can I ask how you told others \ how its going?
> 
> I am in a similar situation, and find myself on the verge of thinking of having an exit affair all day everyday, and i know I have to find the guts to leave. The thoughts are consuming me. Our drives do not match, hes busting his butt being a perfect husband in every other way, I just cannot life with sex once a month or feeling like I am forcing someone to do it just for me.
> ...


So I hope im replying correctly and you can actually see this. First off your situation sounds similar to mine. There was no easy way around leaving. It will hurt the other person. But time really will heal. I hope that my spouse and I may at least be on speaking terms eventually. If you know then you know. If I gave you a step by step it would be a novel.ha 

Its only been a week and im already feeling a lot better. But there are still a lot of issues to come such as divorce paperwork, splitting of assets, etc.. My situation was easier as we have no kids and my income is lower than hers so I imagine it will go a lot easier than a lot of others. 

It gonna suck to first leave but if you re not happy your not happy and thats the end of it. I really wish you the best of luck!


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## phil3path (Jan 7, 2012)

duckfeet said:


> Is it possible that she was sexually abused when she was younger? Maybe something she has never told you about? That would explain why she would feel like you are "all about sex". She might very seriously have a problem relating sex to love, or sex might even make her feel dirty, vulnerable and ashamed. Also could be why she is "stiff" and not able to relax. I know you have already left, but before you rush out and find someone else I would urge you to stick it out a little longer. If there is something in her past that has made her this way, or something medically wrong, and it can be solved it would make it soo much better, then you could have the whole package!! I know you have tried, and I can totally relate to you wanting to connect to your wife that way. Just realize there could be a very good and very fixable reason for her hang up on sex.



no she wasnt abused Ive brought that up thinking the same as well as the counselor. We came to the conclusion that she has low libido. But here is the problem. She doesnt want to talk about it, she doesnt want to try any female libido pills, and she 's just like" all I care about is sex". This wasnt a decision i just thought up of and acted on in a week. Its been going on for 5 years. thx


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## phil3path (Jan 7, 2012)

SockPuppet said:


> phil3path,
> 
> Glad to here to you moved on. Based upon historical evidence amongst these forums, I believe you didnt do enough to try and make the marriage work. But you did divorce her, which is action, which is something far too many guys around here cant do.
> 
> ...


honestly you are no further from the truth. You automatically assume I neglect my partner. I bent over backwards everyday for her. cook for her clean for her, take her on vacations, dinner, talk to her , hang out with her, never even mention sex to her for months on end, massage her. And after all that is it too much to ask for a little intimacy ? How long can a man go being rejected before he just doesnt care anymore? 5 years is enough slavery for me(oops did I say slavery I meant marriage).

Ive never never had this problem with any other women in my life. so this isnt a recurring thing. you re dead wrong. but hey why not just assume its the mans fault again. I dont mind being the scapegoat if it means Im going to be happy again. And I am happy. so just be happy for me.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

phil3path,
You should stop calling yourself a bad guy. You did the right thing and left before you did become the bad guy. Cheating would have been so much worse for both of you. This way she keeps her dignity and you can keep your self respect. This comes from a woman whose first husband cheated on her. It's demoralizing and you never really recover from it.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

How is your stbxw handling the situation at this moment?


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

morituri said:


> Nix those thoughts about having an exit affair. Nobody deserves to be cheated on, and more so when the LD (low drive) spouse is a good person.
> 
> If you leave your husband, then do it with dignity and not in disgraceful shame for betraying your moral principles.
> 
> Once divorced you can have all the casual sex you want. If that is what you truly want.


I am not really thinking about the typical affair... although if someone wanted to, I would say I have seen lots of tips on how to not get caught! Morally I am not capable of doing something so hurtful. 

My thoughts are more on yes, I am leaving. There is no going back. 

I also plan on telling my husband this. I am going to tell him (this afternoon in fact) that I cannot accept the differing sex drives and be happy for the rest of my life. I will accentuate how wonderful he has been, Im proud of all the changes he has made and manned up. I do not see any changes in the sex dept, and I do not see how it can be fixed. Time isn't going to change this (thanks TAM) and I should just bow out.

So I will tell him that we are no longer going to have sex once a month. Our sexual relationship is finished. I plan to allow myself to seek a sexual relationship. I fully expect him to serve me with divorce papers shortly afterwards. Although I am curious about one aspect... he seems to be quite happy with lots of affection and no sex. Not really a change happening. Just saying I will no longer have sex with him once a month.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> Sometimes a man can be the most romantic and attentive husband, yet still be deprived of sex.
> 
> We cannot always jump to the conclusion that the man is neglecting his wife!
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

deejov said:


> So I will tell him that we are no longer going to have sex once a month. Our sexual relationship is finished. I plan to allow myself to seek a sexual relationship. I fully expect him to serve me with divorce papers shortly afterwards.


No. That approach is tantamount to saying to him "I'm going to cuckold you, deal with it". Why not be the one to serve him with divorce papers?


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> phil3path,
> 
> Glad to here to you moved on. Based upon historical evidence amongst these forums, I believe you didnt do enough to try and make the marriage work. But you did divorce her, which is action, which is something far too many guys around here cant do.
> 
> ...


Complete B.S. ^^^

Four years and he has not tried hard enough? If she really thought he was the problem she would have been relieved, not devastated. Because, now she's free to find the person she's sure will understand her and be more compatible. People who think they were treated badly do not mope for a week or more.

How do you know he will wind up with the same type of person? How have you come to the conclusion that he was the problem and not her?

I say this because my ex pulled the "all you want is sex", "sex is not essential", "this is the way women are" lines. Of course, that argument does not hold up when you figure in the behavior of the other women I've been with in my life, and the behavior of those women whose (very forward) advances I declined over the years.

Sometimes it's unpopular to note this, but there simply exist women (and men) who simply have broken views regarding sex and cannot or will not get the help they need to develop a healthy sexual outlook.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

phil3path said:


> when we started dating we would only be intimate maybe once a week. she was very stiff and shy but functional and beautiful. Ive been around the block so just thought maybe in time she d loosen up a bit ya know. boy was i wrong.


While I do agree with you leaving, you did make a MAJOR mistake here. Just courious as to why you thought putting a ring on her finger would cause her to want more sex? Just kinda seems backwards to me.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

DTO said:


> Complete B.S. ^^^
> 
> Four years and he has not tried hard enough? If she really thought he was the problem she would have been relieved, not devastated. Because, now she's free to find the person she's sure will understand her and be more compatible. People who think they were treated badly do not mope for a week or more.
> 
> ...


He could very well have tried extremely hard, and yet not tried in an effective way. That is, if he was constantly giving her gifts, but she need words of affirmation, then his hard work was all for naught. In that sense, he may not have done enough. To me, just trying harder on more of the same is not enough. You also need to try different things before ending it.

Having said all of that, I support the OP in his decision. While there are areas that he does not address that I could offer advice if he interested in still trying, I don't see anything concrete to indicate that he did not try. Her refusal to discuss in counseling makes it difficult for him to stay, and I don't blame him for deciding to leave.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

deejov said:


> Good for you in being honest enough to admit you cannot live that way...
> Can I ask how you told others \ how its going?
> 
> I am in a similar situation, and find myself on the verge of thinking of having an exit affair all day everyday, and i know I have to find the guts to leave. The thoughts are consuming me. Our drives do not match, hes busting his butt being a perfect husband in every other way, I just cannot life with sex once a month or feeling like I am forcing someone to do it just for me.
> ...


I know how you feel deejov,

My marrige was a sexless marriage. That was the reason I started to stray and other reasons like feeling like roommates. Now we are back together and divorce has been offically called off. So far he is making an effort to have sex, so far its once a week. I am afraid of it getting to sexless marriage again though. I don't understand why some men are not too interested in sex. He acts like its so much work. I actually found something he really misses that I used to do which is baking. I told him I would bake if we had regular sex. We had sex once and then he expected me to start baking. I said it needs to be more than once,LOL. I thnk he might be taking it seriuos cause he manned up the very next morning. So I guess its time to start baking,LOl!


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## JustAMan2 (Oct 28, 2011)

phil3path said:


> up at 7 am cause cant sleep. to answer someones question above. yes Ive been telling her that no sex has been a huge issue for the last 4 years and she would just say"all I care about is sex answer" there was no abuse or neglect actually quite the opposite. I would rub her feet ,back, and head everyday after she came home from work but yet nothing from her in return. it was like having this beautiful Porsche and never getting to drive it.lol I apologize in advance to any woman for that analogy but its just how men relate things in their heads sometimes.
> 
> thanks everyone for posting a reply it really does help
> 
> ...


I wonder if your wife has any childhood sexual abuse in her history? She may not even know it (repressed memories). I've read that between 25%-40% of women have been a victim of this horror. It drastically affects a person--and the marriage. I speak from personal experience here--my wife was abused.

I would at least ask this important question--and more than once too. I would think counseling would be in order too. It is NOT normal to refuse a spouse sex. Even if she doesn't need sex as much as you do, she should have a desire to please you.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

There is something to be said about speaking the other's love language(s). However, both spouses have a duty to seek out the other's love language. Typically, once spouse usually and always ends up making 80% of the effort to the relationship, even if they are unaware of the spouses correct love language. Does this make them at fault? Not necessarily. When we marry, we commit each to giving each other 100% to make the other happy. If one tries with best intentions and fails due to misinformation, then is honorable to me than the other partner who gave 0% and knows what their spouses love language is and refuses to accommodate it.

After 5 years and no kids - my only question to phil3path is - what took you so long?


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## UnhappyHusband (Jan 25, 2012)

Hello everyone. This is my first entry on this website. My wife and I have sex every 6-8 weeks. But, I want it just about every day. We used to have it much more often, but the last year or so it's been virtually non-existent. I love her very much, but she does not love me (never did.) We've been married over 10 years, and have been togeher for about 15. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, and I too have contemplated leaving for the loveless, and sexless marriage thing.

I know this comment doesn't help you find any answers. But, if nothing else, it tells you that you're not alone.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

DTO,
I violently agree with your post. I can say with absolute certainty and no resentment at all that my ability to support my W financially so she could be a SAHM was core to the success of our marriage. And HER willingness to meet me 80% of the way between her ideal frequency and mine was equally core. 

If she had ever said "all you want from me is sex", I would have responded "and I could claim the same is true regarding money - but I wouldn't - because it would be a lie and a mean lie at that". There are a long list of things my W loves about me. And that I love about her. It doesn't bother me at all that she had some "non negotiable requirements" because I did as well. That isn't cold its honest. 

This fellow was with a woman who:
- Didn't care that she was causing him intense distress AND
- Didn't get much pleasure from making him happy

In my world that means she didn't really love him. He made a good call. She is going to discover something very difficult which is this. It is difficult to find someone who doesn't really desire you, and yet treats you like gold. And he is going to find someone who really loves him. 



DTO said:


> Complete B.S. ^^^
> 
> Four years and he has not tried hard enough? If she really thought he was the problem she would have been relieved, not devastated. Because, now she's free to find the person she's sure will understand her and be more compatible. People who think they were treated badly do not mope for a week or more.
> 
> ...


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## mousecat (Nov 28, 2011)

To the OP, it sounds like you did everything you possibly could to have a reasonable sex life, and she did not play ball.

I am wondering though, what will the future hold for each of you now that you've taken the leap? Will you now find the sex life that you craved? Or will you end up in a long drought without a partner, and be no better off?

Will she learn her lesson, realise this was her fault, and give constant sex on demand to her next partner (even when she doesn't feel like it)? Or will she be so f*cked up and guilty about your departure that she loses all confidence and doesn't ever get another man?

I do applaud the OP. I am having a seriously sex-starved marriage at the moment, but I don't have the option to leave because of our baby, whom I never, ever want to leave.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

mousecat said:


> Or will you end up in a long drought without a partner, and be no better off?


Actually, if the sex was that bad, then he's better off without her even without the sex. He won't find his energy being sapped by having to share space with her, and he will have hope for a better partner (something he did not have while with his ex).

The saying "you are better off alone than in bad company" absolutely applies. I know this from experience.



mousecat said:


> Will she learn her lesson, realise this was her fault, and give constant sex on demand to her next partner (even when she doesn't feel like it)? Or will she be so f*cked up and guilty about your departure that she loses all confidence and doesn't ever get another man?


This sounds like a bit of a pity party for the ex wife. With phrases like "give constant sex on demand to her next partner (even when she doesn't feel like it)" and "learn her lesson" I detect much sarcasm and significant bias. Hopefully I am wrong about this, and if so I apologize in advance.

Now that she knows with certainty her sexual tolerance she should choose a compatible partner. If she chooses badly next time, then she will find herself in the same boat. If the problem was not with her then she will find another partner fairly soon.

If her sexual drive / tolerance is really low, she has a choice: either increase it or accept that she will have a tough time maintaining a committed relationship. Any society has its mores and when our personal ideals are in conflict we can either go along or accept that keeping our ideals will come with a price. 

I doubt she will feel guilty over his departure. Guilt is associated with inadvertent harm. The wife knew that failing to improve the sex may threaten the marriage yet she chose to do nothing. She may regret if she finds no one she would have willing to be with her on her preferred terms, but that's a different deal.


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## Wantsmore (Sep 13, 2011)

I think it will g o like this. 

He knows the type of woman that he needs to be with. He will see a few woman and will find one that is a better match to his needs in a partner.

She will go about looking for a void she now has in her life and wonder what she did wrong. She will meet a man that some how makes her mental sexual switch go off and she will be the sexual woman *YOU* always wanted. In fact she will probably be into things that will make you think why she couldn't do that with you.

I have seen it happen a few times to both friends and my own brother.


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## duchesspink (Jan 28, 2012)

Wantsmore said:


> Sounds like my wife. Beautiful woman, has everything a man could want and more only no interest in sex.
> 
> I have been at it for 21 years and been married for 15. Wishing now I could go back and see the writing on the wall. There is no easy way out now, so if you cant fix things here and now. Better to cut your losses and find someone who is more in tune with you. You are too young to have to be in that situation. I am only 37 and wish I could turn the clock back.


i'm 37 and left my husband last year because of his refusal to have sex in our marriage. 

Its never too late. You're a young guy still and entitled to a life, and yes a sex life too. Why choose to live your life incomplete when you could eventually be with someone that compliments your perfectly.
There is a way out. Either your wife discusses the lack of sex and does something about it or you separate. Its perfectly reasonable to stay friends as basically you are living as friends just now, you certainly aren't living as lovers.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Wantsmore said:


> I think it will g o like this.
> 
> He knows the type of woman that he needs to be with. He will see a few woman and will find one that is a better match to his needs in a partner.
> 
> ...


You may be right, which IMO is a sad commentary on marriage.
Instead of commitment and "love is an act", you have a state of "I'll get what I can".

The wife here seems to have taken what she could, gave back relatively little, and when the OP finally gets up to leave she just lets him go. Had every chance in the world to keep him (or lure him back) and does not look like she bothered.


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