# Need A Straight Answer



## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

My wife had both ovaries removed. She is now a completely different person. I just want a simple yes or no answer if possible. Am I stuck with this new person or will she ever get back to the way she was?


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## lovemywife4life520 (Jun 21, 2010)

Depends. Is she taking any hormone replacements???


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## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

No and she won't. So without getting into the whole story we have a 41 yr old woman with no ovaries not taking hormones.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

and i would assume her drive is nil?


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## downundergal (Jul 17, 2010)

I was told it takes around two to three years for the body to settle down from menopause. 

So no, you're not stuck. Unless she prefers this new version of herself!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Yes she can but how long ago was the surgery? Was it just an oophorectomy or a TAH? What necessitated the surgery?


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## Carron36 (Jun 2, 2010)

hate to say it, but you're stuck with what you've got for now. It's too bad she won't take some type of hormone replacement therapy because that would help. She should consider a natural replacement, herbs...I also have read up on acupuncture and more woman are using it successfully to treat hormonal imbalances, anxiety, depression, more things that what we traditionally think of.;


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## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

The surgery was 4 years ago but I noticed a big change this year. Not sure about the type of surgery just that they took all her stuff out. She was really scared because of a family history of cancer. She'd already had some precancer stuff taken care of. She has thyroid disease too. She had most but not all of that removed. I just can't talk to her. She shuts down and gets defensive. She's spent a lot of time away from me this year. We used to be inseparable but it's like she doesn't even remember that. I talked to one of her friends all she said was she's not messing around. I never suspected that but sometimes,well a lot of times I think she'd rather not be married. She's due back from a 2 week trip Saturday. I've cleaned the house from top to bottom and used my vacation to take care of our grand kids while she's gone. I won't get into the kids other than to say we've had them 99% of the time since they were born. I hope she shows a little appreciation cause I'm way out of my element taking care of a 2 and 4 yr old. If not I may just ask her if she wants out. I'd hate to lose her but then I think what am I losing?


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## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

okeydokie said:


> and i would assume her drive is nil?


Nonexistent had sex twice in 2006 then her surgery in April nothing after, said she was done with sex. I let it slide after her surgery because I really didn't believe she was done with sex. I do now.


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## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

downundergal said:


> I was told it takes around two to three years for the body to settle down from menopause.
> 
> So no, you're not stuck. Unless she prefers this new version of herself!


She may prefer the new her cause she doesn't seem to remember the old one.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i dont believe in vacating marriages due to health issues. however, i dont think the vow "in sickness and in health" meant the sick person can just accept things and expect the partner to accept things that may be correctable with medical treatment. i live with some of that too (wifes health issues without treatment). its frustrating.


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

Your wife (missing overies or not) has no right to deny you sex for 4 years, even if she has no interest in it. That in itself is reason for divorce. In my opinion, sex is an intregal part of a marriage, and if this is something you desire, then she has a responsibility as your wife to provide that. Just like if she desires it, you have a responsibility to provide it to her if she desires it. Now if neither of you care about it, and are happy with the situation, then there is no problem there (doesn't sound like you are happy about it though). She needs to compromise with you on the amount of sex you have. If you want it couple of times a week, and she doesn't want it at all, maybe you could have it a couple of times a month at a bare minimum. This is something you need to decide with your wife. I know that if my wife told me I'm done with sex, I would be done with the marriage (kids or no kids), but thats just me. Good Luck!


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## sprite59 (Jul 20, 2010)

hormone replacement and some time she will be who you love


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## jhef83 (Jun 7, 2010)

It's good to come on here and vent once in a while. I'm glad I found this site. Thanks for the replies. I understand the lack of desire for sex. But she's going to have to stop excluding me from all the other things she does. That hurts me more than the lack of sex. I love a challenge and I'm not a quitter. I do have a major problem asking her for sex. It turns me off if I think she's not into it. Then it looks like I don't want it. An example, I asked her to use her hand on me recently and by the time I got her to do it I felt like an idiot and ended up doing most of it and let her finish. I think we turn each other off. I wonder if she'd like me to just take her sometimes but I've never done that. I'm not Brad Pitt but all I used to have to do was a little touching and kissing and it was on.


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## workin' (Jun 3, 2010)

Hunt Brown said:


> you two should be in couples counseling, and it wouldn't hurt to see a sex therapist either, someone who can talk to the importance of intimacy and the benefit of hormone therapy
> Hunt Brown


:iagree:
Speaking for myself...I chose no hormone replacement therapy(HRT). I do not feel it is always safe. I did not have too many problems, but DH and I are in marriage therapy now, and it is helping us get over a tremendous hurdle. I also think a session with her Gynecologist would help, especially in figuring out if the problems are physical, emotional, or both. 

Generally, when we go through menopause, there are distinct changes in our bodies...our "parts" shift, due to lack of elasticity in the muscles "down there". Also, because of this, most women experience a loss of elasticity in the opening of the vagina, causing intercourse to feel like the "first" time, every time. My natural menopause was about four years ago, and I am just now feeling very comfortable during intercourse.

The most important thing is the desire...whether to "do it", or to find out why you don't feel like it. Where there is a will....there IS a way. JMO


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

workin' said:


> :The most important thing is the desire...whether to "do it", or to find out why you don't feel like it. Where there is a will....there IS a way. JMO



and that sums it up very nicely.


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