# Uncomfortable at events w/out H......embarrassed.



## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

Well, it is "Prom Weekend" and I was up decorating the school last night with the other "parents" and most women had their spouses there somewhere in the building helping, and there I was, this year, working alone. Several years ago my husband and I worked very hard on this event, but this year he SAID he wanted to help, but then backed out. The drive home was so lonely  We would have rehashed the evening, talked about people, the event, etc., and it was just incredibly lonely. I will have to drive myself tonight at a very late hour and work the "after party" all night long. I am SO happy to do this, and wanted to "volunteer" but it feels lonely and somewhat embarrassing. I am realizing that although we had a very difficult marriage, that I liked the "security" and "appearance" of a happy, intact family. Have any of you felt these things?.............Felt embarrassment or even shame that your M fell apart and you are now alone?


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## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

Yep, I find it really hard to socialize with my old friends as there is like there is a huge white elephant in the room, as we used to go out with them as a couple. It also reminds me what I have lost as I can't help but think like you, the last time I was here I had him with me. Also I hate being the only single in the group.

I find it much easier to socialize with friends I have made through work as I only really went out with them alone and there isn't the history of me as part of a couple with them and we tend to go out without partners.


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## Momof2inMT (Apr 9, 2011)

All the time. It feels like everyone knows what is going on in my marriage and my life. It's embarrassing and totally uncomfortable. I agree with what everantisocial said, about how it feels bad because the last time I was there or talked to that person I was with my H and it reminds me what I lost.....


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

I am in the same boat but the other way around. It's my W that left. Went off the deep end, after 36 years. Said she has been unhappy in the marriage. I no, I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, mess around with the opposite sex. She just said I am not fun to be with. So now, I am just at the beginning of what feels like a huge mountain to climb. It is embarressing everytime someone tells me, "I'm so sorry". It's just makes me feel ashamed - not mention that I am so hurt inside. BTW, this divorce thing just happened last week, so I know I am in for a huge struggle. 36 years is a lifetime for me, we met when we were 14, and I am still in shock - so are my grown up children. Thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

That feeling does get better with time. However, when my husband went off the deep end, he had plenty of people talking. Many of those people were too kind to say anything to me while we were still together. Little did I know the real embarrassment was while we were together. Even though many of these folks now know I had nothing to do with his shenanigans, it's still hard for me to go out in public at times. I guess the embarrassment is a little different depending on the situation.

Hang in there!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry to hear you are going through this. It is weird being w/o hubs at these events, right?

I went through that a lot too. But then I started to remember...he barely ever went to anything with me. I'd been doing lots of things solo. Hell the last two weddings I went to, he didn't even come w/ me. And one of them I was a bridesmaid in. I was thinking: this really isn't that differetn now, just the reality that we're no longer an item. 

If people ask, you can decide if you want to tell them or not. Totally up to you.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

If i go out and someone asks me where my H is.. i just shrug... the other person looks at me like..ohhh ok then. and they drop it. I don't have to define everything, or explain anything.. just a shrug.

As my marriage started breaking down I went out and found my own friends, started surrounding myself with people only I know. My H and I have been married for 15 years so we run in the same social circle basically. I decided to break away from his friends and stretch my legs.. find my own. And I did  It makes things easier not having to answer questions all the time.

The only thing that breaks my heart now, my SIL and BIL have kids, I am their aunt. And to not be able to see those kids anymore because of our break up.. is heart wrenching.. i love those kids.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

827..Thanks for the support. It is just such an akward feeling of embarressment. I guess I am in for a treat!

Lily.. I know all about the SIL and BIL. I have the same issues. I actually called my BIL and spoke with him last weekend to let him know that just because his sister and I broke up after 36 years that didn't mean that he, my SIL, my neices, and nephews were still not important to me. He responded kindly and said that it's all a terrible loss and hopes the best for both of us and that you never know where life will lead you. That I am still like a brother to him. Was that not a smart move on my part? Man, I grieve deeply since they are in another state and I don't know if I will seem again. BTW, I had lunch with my son today and he asked and suggested a legal separation rather than divorce. To give us time to find who we really are. Wow! Really are the children supposed to teach the parents - well, he's no child he's 28 and very educated. But still, again, it's embarresssing. I am in between, anger, pain, sadness, stunned, all the above.


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