# Husbands gaming seems more important than his family...



## eva8686 (Mar 12, 2017)

My husband has always loved video games. When we 1st started dating his games were not an issue as I would spend my time doing my own thing and he would play his games. Fast foward to 3 years later, we have a 2 yr old and Im pregnant with our 2nd baby. The last 6 months I really started to notice how much he prioritized his games over my son and I and I even left for the night on NYE to make a point. He promised he was going to be more present and uninstalled the game that was taking all his time. It worked for about 2 weeks and he went back to old ways. I constantly need to tell him what needs to be done, when I need help and ask him to be quieter while our son naps in the livingroom. One time I had to sleep on the couch due to my pregnancy and had asked him to stop playing since I was going to bed and he continued to play and be loud. He has no respect to us when it comes to his games. I feel like at this point his gaming will always come first. It breaks my heart to see my son ask him for some attention while he ignores him because he's doing some intense mission. I notice now that my son always comes to me now, knowing I won't ignore him or dismiss his request. Im afraid for how I will probably be left to care for a toddler and a newborn all by myself although I will ask him a million times to help me and I will just give up...

Anyone in this situation? Any advice? I start to wonder if it would be better for everyone if I just become a single mother because that's how I feel like most of the time....

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk


----------



## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

When your son is a bit older he can play games with his dad.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sounds like her son's Dad is just another son. 

OP you better tell him you are done with this. Send him on here and we can regale him of all the tails of men whose wives eventually grow tired of taking care of their boy-men and leave.


----------



## AussieRN (Mar 28, 2013)

As a long term gamer I can relate to how involving they can be but it does sound like he's putting game above RL which isn't a good place to be.

I would suggest having a talk about it tell him how it makes you feel and see if some limits can be set. How long and at what times of the day he can play. 

If he plays really loud and doesn't use headphone or a headset if he's using TeamSpeak it might be time to get one so he doesn't keep the whole house awake late at night.

You probably wont ever get him to give up gaming but he can learn to change when he games and put RL and family at the top of the list.

It might also be worthwhile to see if you cant tempt him away with some other games.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

stixx said:


> When your son is a bit older he can play games with his dad.




When they visit on weekends because OP and Dad will be divorced by then.


----------



## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> When they visit on weekends because OP and Dad will be divorced by then.


They can play lots of other days too because they can network over the internet.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

eva8686 said:


> My husband has always loved video games. When we 1st started dating his games were not an issue as I would spend my time doing my own thing and he would play his games. Fast foward to 3 years later, we have a 2 yr old and Im pregnant with our 2nd baby. The last 6 months I really started to notice how much he prioritized his games over my son and I and I even left for the night on NYE to make a point. He promised he was going to be more present and uninstalled the game that was taking all his time. It worked for about 2 weeks and he went back to old ways. I constantly need to tell him what needs to be done, when I need help and ask him to be quieter while our son naps in the livingroom. One time I had to sleep on the couch due to my pregnancy and had asked him to stop playing since I was going to bed and he continued to play and be loud. He has no respect to us when it comes to his games. I feel like at this point his gaming will always come first. It breaks my heart to see my son ask him for some attention while he ignores him because he's doing some intense mission. I notice now that my son always comes to me now, knowing I won't ignore him or dismiss his request. Im afraid for how I will probably be left to care for a toddler and a newborn all by myself although I will ask him a million times to help me and I will just give up...
> 
> Anyone in this situation? Any advice? I start to wonder if it would be better for everyone if I just become a single mother because that's how I feel like most of the time....


Yea I married a guy who turned out to be like this. I divorced him.

Being married to a 15 year old does not work well.

Does he have a full time job?


----------



## eva8686 (Mar 12, 2017)

stixx said:


> When your son is a bit older he can play games with his dad.


I hope my son does not inherit this obsession..my BIL is also a gamer and lives in our basement and that is all he does. Its sad....

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk


----------



## eva8686 (Mar 12, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Yea I married a guy who turned out to be like this. I divorced him.
> 
> Being married to a 15 year old does not work well.
> 
> Does he have a full time job?


He does..although his days can be long or short so I will come home after having worked and then picking my son up from daycare to him having already played for a couple hours. We agreed he would stop playing from 5pm to 7pm then help with bedtime at 8pm. There are days where he tries to get away with it and I have to remind him...its EXHAUSTING....

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you? 

You say that your BIL lives in your basement? How old is he? Why is he living in your basement? Is he at least paying room and board?



eva8686 said:


> ask him to be quieter while our son naps in the livingroom. One time I had to sleep on the couch due to my pregnancy and had asked him to stop playing since I was going to bed and he continued to play and be loud.


This is easy to fix. Get him some good quality, noise canceling, headphones. Insist that he has to use them when he plays. There is no reason that anyone should have to put up with the noise from his games.



eva8686 said:


> He does..although his days can be long or short so I will come home after having worked and then picking my son up from daycare to him having already played for a couple hours. We agreed he would stop playing from 5pm to 7pm then help with bedtime at 8pm. There are days where he tries to get away with it and I have to remind him...its EXHAUSTING....


What things do you do for your husband?

Do you cook meals? Do you fix lunch? Do his laundry? Pick up after him? Could you list what you do for him?


----------



## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

My exH was like this. Ex. And we had 4 kids. I'm sorry. I will never be with another gamer because of that.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

eva8686 said:


> He does..although his days can be long or short so I will come home after having worked and then picking my son up from daycare to him having already played for a couple hours. We agreed he would stop playing from 5pm to 7pm then help with bedtime at 8pm. There are days where he tries to get away with it and I have to remind him...its EXHAUSTING....
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk


Of course it's exhausting - you're working full time and doing all the child-rearing and I suspect all the housework as well - while this worthless man-child sits on his worthless ass doing nothing whenever he's home. Be still my beating heart.

God forbid he could get off his ass and have dinner waiting or have cleaned a couple rooms or done a few loads of laundry in his spare time. God FORBID.

I hate to say it, but you're ALREADY a single mother anyway with this lazy ass taking up space on your couch and contributing NOTHING to the household responsibilities.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> What things do you do for your husband?
> 
> Do you cook meals? Do you fix lunch? Do his laundry? Pick up after him? Could you list what you do for him?


I fully agree with you Ele. She should stop doing "his" work. But then he will say that she is only focused on the kids, not on him. And he will use that to justify either more gaming or cheating. 
@eva8686 Any guy that puts gaming ahead of his kids and wife is not a husband. Please please please don't have any more kids with him. 

BTW, the very first thing I do when coming home from work after greeting the wife is to take the dog for a walk. He waits for me to come home and wages his tail in anticipation.

My heart breaks for those kids. :frown2:


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

So many good responses on this thread already, and I have to say that I agree with them. He is failing as both a husband and a father; you're already a single mother, because you're a video game widow. He is addicted to video games. You need to have a come to Jesus talk/intervention with him, and tell him that his gaming is destroying your marriage and it's destroying his relationship with his son, and he needs to make a choice: he can either stop the gaming and be an active participant in his marriage and his life, or he can have a divorce, because you refuse to live life like this any longer.

(If it was me, I would probably take a sledgehammer to his gaming system, and I would tell him that if he ever bought another system, he shouldn't bother coming home. But I have a flair for the dramatic. This is probably not a good idea.)

But seriously, and intervention-style talk might be a good idea. Are you close with his friends/family? You might want to get their support in this, so that he "gets" that it's a serious problem, not just his pregnant wife being hormonal. Men who behave badly love to blame women's hormones and call women's (valid) reactions to their bad behavior as "crazy."


----------



## eva8686 (Mar 12, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> How old are the two of you?
> 
> You say that your BIL lives in your basement? How old is he? Why is he living in your basement? Is he at least paying room and board?
> 
> ...


We are both 30 and my BIL is 23....the husband was exactly like his brother before we met , I never knew the extent of his gaming...almost like he suppressd it until now. Apparently any free time he had he would play. 
Im 9 mos pregnant so Im just doing minor housework ( we've been paying my mom to help with cleaning once a week ) since its gotten tougher for me. I had thought he would help but now he just says "what are we paying your mom for??" I was doing laundry, taking care of our son ( 90%) .Husband gets his milk ready in the AM and brushes our sons teeth and helps with bedtime at 8pm and also "watches" him while I make dinner...which even that im constantly yelling at him to get him out of the kitchen cuz hes then preoccupied on his phone playing ANOTHER game or checking FB....he just seems bored of us 🙁
It seems like he feels like minimal effort is enough...we don't do anything fun anymore. 

He does have headphones, it when hes talking out loud to his gamer buddies he forgets the other people in the room.. 

I feel like this marriage is not what I expected...I was happier single and independent, living on my own....

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk


----------



## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

eva8686 said:


> My husband has always loved video games. When we 1st started dating his games were not an issue as I would spend my time doing my own thing and he would play his games. Fast foward to 3 years later, we have a 2 yr old and Im pregnant with our 2nd baby. The last 6 months I really started to notice how much he prioritized his games over my son and I and I even left for the night on NYE to make a point. He promised he was going to be more present and uninstalled the game that was taking all his time. It worked for about 2 weeks and he went back to old ways. I constantly need to tell him what needs to be done, when I need help and ask him to be quieter while our son naps in the livingroom. One time I had to sleep on the couch due to my pregnancy and had asked him to stop playing since I was going to bed and he continued to play and be loud. He has no respect to us when it comes to his games. I feel like at this point his gaming will always come first. It breaks my heart to see my son ask him for some attention while he ignores him because he's doing some intense mission. I notice now that my son always comes to me now, knowing I won't ignore him or dismiss his request. Im afraid for how I will probably be left to care for a toddler and a newborn all by myself although I will ask him a million times to help me and I will just give up...
> 
> Anyone in this situation? Any advice? I start to wonder if it would be better for everyone if I just become a single mother because that's how I feel like most of the time....
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk



I hate to do this, but are you faith ? do you ave a church, I am going to geuss that he is from the divorced home with a single mom and has no positive male role models ? 

Get involved in a church marriage support and counseling group, etc . He likely has NO IDEA what it means to be a husband, thank s a generation of women& men who divorced for that one


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

It's a situation that pops up time and time again. What's with these men, largely of a certain generation, who think this is acceptable?

I understand that I sound like an old fart, but Jesus, put down the console.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

DepressedHusband said:


> I hate to do this, but are you faith ? do you ave a church, I am going to geuss that he is from the divorced home with a single mom and has no positive male role models ?
> 
> Get involved in a church marriage support and counseling group, etc . He likely has NO IDEA what it means to be a husband, thank s a generation of women& men who divorced for that one


Being divorced has no bearing on having a positive male role model. If his father is alive it's all on him. My parents were divorced my father helped make me a responsible adult. It doesn't take much to teach your kid not to play video games all day when you are married. That doesn't even take a father to be honest. A mother could just as easily teach that.


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

eva8686 said:


> We are both 30 and my BIL is 23....the husband was exactly like his brother before we met , I never knew the extent of his gaming...almost like he suppressd it until now. Apparently any free time he had he would play.
> Im 9 mos pregnant so Im just doing minor housework ( we've been paying my mom to help with cleaning once a week ) since its gotten tougher for me. I had thought he would help but now he just says "what are we paying your mom for??" I was doing laundry, taking care of our son ( 90%) .Husband gets his milk ready in the AM and brushes our sons teeth and helps with bedtime at 8pm and also "watches" him while I make dinner...which even that im constantly yelling at him to get him out of the kitchen cuz hes then preoccupied on his phone playing ANOTHER game or checking FB....he just seems bored of us 🙁
> It seems like he feels like minimal effort is enough...we don't do anything fun anymore.
> 
> ...


Well, with a BIL in the basement and a husband that is fully capable of doing housework, there really isn't any reason to be paying someone else to do it! They both have addictions.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

eva8686 said:


> We are both 30 and my BIL is 23....the husband was exactly like his brother before we met , I never knew the extent of his gaming...almost like he suppressd it until now. Apparently any free time he had he would play.


How long did the two of you date before you married?
Did you live together before getting married?


eva8686 said:


> Im 9 mos pregnant so Im just doing minor housework ( we've been paying my mom to help with cleaning once a week ) since its gotten tougher for me. I had thought he would help but now he just says "what are we paying your mom for??" I was doing laundry, taking care of our son ( 90%) .Husband gets his milk ready in the AM and brushes our sons teeth and helps with bedtime at 8pm and also "watches" him while I make dinner...which even that im constantly yelling at him to get him out of the kitchen cuz hes then preoccupied on his phone playing ANOTHER game or checking FB....he just seems bored of us 🙁


Do you and your husband put all your income into a joint account? Or do you keep separate accounts? If you two keep your money separately, do you pay your mother to clean?

Are you going to be able to afford to pay your mother to clean after you have another mouth to feed?

Are you saying that you no longer do laundry because you mother now does it?



eva8686 said:


> It seems like he feels like minimal effort is enough...we don't do anything fun anymore.


Your marriage is in serious trouble. He’s happy so he does not care if you are or not. He’s immature and self centered.



eva8686 said:


> He does have headphones, it when hes talking out loud to his gamer buddies he forgets the other people in the room..


Can he go to another room and close the door? Maybe he should move down to the basement with his brother? (lol)
Do you rent your house? Or do you two own it?



eva8686 said:


> I feel like this marriage is not what I expected...I was happier single and independent, living on my own....


When is your baby due? You might not be able to address this until your baby is born and you have had time to recuperate from the birth. But you are going to need to address this.

Part of the problem is that you are enabling this behavior. AT this point you are going to have to take a strong stance with your husband. You are going to have to tell him that you are ready to file for divorce if he does not make some serious changes.

Get the books “Love Busters” and “His Needs, Her Needs”. Read them before you talk to him. This will help you get the words you need to use when you confront him. Than when you talk to him tell him that for you to stay married to him, he has to read the books with you and do the work that say to do.

Most people do not change until their pain in continuing their current actions exceeds the pleasure of continuing status quo. To change this situation, you must be ready to introduce some serious pain in his life. And if you do introduce the pain via telling him that you are divorcing him if things do not change, you need to be ready to follow through with divorce if he calls your bluff.

I know women who did things like threw out the computer, disconnected the internet, etc. to stop the game addiction.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

stixx said:


> They can play lots of other days too because they can network over the internet.




Probably!

Oh BTW, welcome back.


----------



## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> Probably!
> 
> Oh BTW, welcome back.


I don't understand your post, please explain.


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> So many good responses on this thread already, and I have to say that I agree with them. He is failing as both a husband and a father; you're already a single mother, because you're a video game widow. He is addicted to video games. You need to have a come to Jesus talk/intervention with him, and tell him that his gaming is destroying your marriage and it's destroying his relationship with his son, and he needs to make a choice: he can either stop the gaming and be an active participant in his marriage and his life, or he can have a divorce, because you refuse to live life like this any longer.
> 
> (If it was me, I would probably take a sledgehammer to his gaming system, and I would tell him that if he ever bought another system, he shouldn't bother coming home. But I have a flair for the dramatic. This is probably not a good idea.)
> 
> But seriously, and intervention-style talk might be a good idea. Are you close with his friends/family? You might want to get their support in this, so that he "gets" that it's a serious problem, not just his pregnant wife being hormonal. Men who behave badly love to blame women's hormones and call women's (valid) reactions to their bad behavior as "crazy."


Maybe not take a sledge hammer to the gaming system, but maybe disconnect it, lock it in a cabinet somewhere and tell him he's not getting it back until he becomes a productive member of the family.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jb02157 said:


> Maybe not take a sledge hammer to the gaming system, but maybe disconnect it, lock it in a cabinet somewhere and tell him he's not getting it back until he becomes a productive member of the family.


I know of women who this worked for. 

It can be a real eye opener to the gamer. The big problem with it is that if not done right, it turns her into a mother figure. It's always possible that he will take it as she's acting like his mother and disciplining him.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> Maybe not take a sledge hammer to the gaming system, but maybe disconnect it, lock it in a cabinet somewhere and tell him he's not getting it back until he becomes a productive member of the family.


Oh, but think how good it would feel to smash the gaming console, like how they destroyed the printer in _Office Space_. I wish that I had done that with my XH. >

But seriously, don't actually do it. Game systems are expensive. 

But yeah... if he's going to act like a child, he gets treated like a child. Take away his toys until he learns to grow up.


----------



## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Ah I'm so sorry. All I can say is all obsession are unhealthy. It's not fair you have to pick up his slack. You want a partner not a child. The problems with obsessions are not only are they addicting, but your husband is getting an inappropriate amount of satisfaction when he plays them... which is why he always plays them. And then it becomes a respect issue. You need to be the "bad one" and save your family and marriage by putting your foot down and demanding some change. 

The problem with this sort of thing is you need to treat him like a child and manage him. Ok honey its been 3hrs time to get off!! That is not a marriage. It's not your job to manage him, he is a man and he needs to be an adult. You need to decide that this is not working for you, and your done with it. Make him choose, you or the games.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

stixx said:


> I don't understand your post, please explain.




I was agreeing with you.


----------



## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I know I'm tough on men or whatever, but I have no respect for men who are "gamers". I'm sorry I said it. If you want to game, God speed. But I could never marry or date a man that was Into it. I find it immature, lazy, not sexy, and just not respectable. And let me emphasize on the word GAMER. I don't care if you play every once in a while. But for hours??! Multiple times a week??! No way.


----------



## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

@eva8686

If this is an addiction / obsession, I'd bet a good amount of cash that your H is using it to cope with past / current problems. He's running from something. Taking away the gaming system may help in the short term (so I'm not opposed to that) but if there's an underlying issue that he's failing to cope with properly, he'll likely find a new addiction. 

You might try talking to him about that. Were he and his brother abused / neglected as children? If so, he probably won't want the cycle to continue, and you can use that as a discussion about how he's neglecting his son right now.


----------



## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

sokillme said:


> Being divorced has no bearing on having a positive male role model. If his father is alive it's all on him. My parents were divorced my father helped make me a responsible adult. It doesn't take much to teach your kid not to play video games all day when you are married. That doesn't even take a father to be honest. A mother could just as easily teach that.


So much bull**** in your post, divorce is the leading cause of men not knowing how to be husbands and fathers, because a generation of lawyers, judges and etc have decided that women shall have majority custody and that men should also pay the freight. You don't have to like this reality, but this is the result.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

katiecrna said:


> Wow. I can't disagree with this more. Bad fathers/husbands that are still married are why men don't learn how to be men. Bad fathers who are divorced are why men don't learn how to be men. Bad men are the reason why they are bad men.


Amen.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

katiecrna said:


> I know I'm tough on men or whatever, but I have no respect for men who are "gamers". I'm sorry I said it. If you want to game, God speed. But I could never marry or date a man that was Into it. I find it immature, lazy, not sexy, and just not respectable. And let me emphasize on the word GAMER. I don't care if you play every once in a while. But for hours??! Multiple times a week??! No way.


I don't have a problem with gamers. My husband is a gamer. Some of my best friends are gamers. Even I am a gamer, though more casual, not hard core. We do spend hours doing different things ingame. But, we also make time for family, everyday. This includes playing games. It is very possible to be both a gamer and a good spouse and parent. Unfortunately, this is not where OP husband is. At this time, it would probably be best for him to take a break from gaming. While she didn't state if the games are console based or PC, it would apply, either way. Console: put away the console and games. PC: uninstall games and put away any game discs. Then, IF he decides to start playing again, set agreed upon rules, and stick to them. "Ground rules" work for us, and for our gaming friends.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


----------



## eva8686 (Mar 12, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> How long did the two of you date before you married?
> Did you live together before getting married?
> 
> Do you and your husband put all your income into a joint account? Or do you keep separate accounts? If you two keep your money separately, do you pay your mother to clean?
> ...





EleGirl said:


> How old are the two of you?
> 
> You say that your BIL lives in your basement? How old is he? Why is he living in your basement? Is he at least paying room and board?
> 
> ...


We dated for about 4 months when he moved 3d in with me...it was winter tine so he did play his games, and it was not the same type of game he plays now. Even then he could turn it off/save whenever, he was not playing with others and I was able to do my own thing. We then got pregnant 3 months later and things were good, got married when our son was 10 mos old. We had separate accts until last year when finances got tough and I had to take control of everything which he was reluctant to let me do. Things are alright now, he had bad spending habits and now I am able to monitor it. My mother will help with housework until the baby is born (could be any day now..) 

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk


----------



## eva8686 (Mar 12, 2017)

jb02157 said:


> Maybe not take a sledge hammer to the gaming system, but maybe disconnect it, lock it in a cabinet somewhere and tell him he's not getting it back until he becomes a productive member of the family.


Im close with his aunt, who is like a mother to him...she was also able to give some advice although I felt there was a bit of a bias since he is her nephew and he can do no wrong in her eyes. 

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sokillme said:


> Yeah sure. If a man can't be a father because he is divorced and doesn't have custody he isn't much of a man anyway. Guys like you make excuses for losers. By the way my parents were divorced my father was just that so I lived the reality.


A man can be a father even if he is divorce. More and more courts today are giving 50/50 custody, which is the way it should be in most cases.

But, talking about the OP's situation, her husband clearly does not want to be a father.


----------



## eva8686 (Mar 12, 2017)

katiecrna said:


> Wow. I can't disagree with this more. Bad fathers/husbands that are still married are why men don't learn how to be men. Bad fathers who are divorced are why men don't learn how to be men. Bad men are the reason why they are bad men.


Interesting that this is being mentioned as his father was somewhat involved but once he divorced the step mother she got full custody and she was neglectful/psychotic, so I think him and his brothers avoided her by retreating to video games. The dad is a bit of a recluse, also plays video games..it may be hereditary! So his father wasnt necessarily bad, he was just not present when it really mattered and probably never discouraged the gaming. I will try my hardest to not let my son become a 3rd generation gamer, playing sports run in my family so I will encourage that!!

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk


----------



## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

eva8686 said:


> Interesting that this is being mentioned as his father was somewhat involved but once he divorced the step mother she got full custody and she was neglectful/psychotic, so I think him and his brothers avoided her by retreating to video games. The dad is a bit of a recluse, also plays video games..it may be hereditary! So his father wasnt necessarily bad, he was just not present when it really mattered and probably never discouraged the gaming. I will try my hardest to not let my son become a 3rd generation gamer, playing sports run in my family so I will encourage that!!
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk




Yes! It's great that you made the connection and are aware of it. Now you just need to open your hubbys eyes!


----------



## eva8686 (Mar 12, 2017)

So we did talk and he was different today, did his housework without me having to tell him and was present. I told him he needed to prioritize us before gaming or eventually he would have no family to prioritize and that really got to him.
If he does revert back, the next step is moving the computer to the basement (out of sight out of mind), which if he chooses to be there more than be upstairs with us than that is a serious issue to where we will do counselling. So he needs to create a new balance while having the freedom to have access to his games and us without any prompting from me to prioritize the kids and I. He said he understands that and I know it will take alot of self control on his part to be here with us and have the computer right there too. He said he can do it...we will see how it goes! I know he is a good person and I think he just doesn't know how to act and is still maturing as a husband and father, he puts the effort in but loses sight of why he is doing it so I need to keep him on track for now and hopefully he won't need me to anymore and we would have created a healthy balance of family, friends and our own interests. He doesn't have that same consciousness as I do to see these things, he is very lucky I do, because I could just let it go each time and eventually let it blow up....he knows my patience is wearing thin and he has one more chance to work on it. Thanks everyone for your input, I was able to see other perspectives and take some good advice!!

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> Oh, but think how good it would feel to smash the gaming console, like how they destroyed the printer in _Office Space_. I wish that I had done that with my XH. >
> 
> But seriously, don't actually do it. Game systems are expensive.
> 
> But yeah... if he's going to act like a child, he gets treated like a child. Take away his toys until he learns to grow up.


Oh I know how good that would feel. I took a hammer to a printer that was acting up once and it was a nice feeling.


----------



## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

I was like this myself when I was younger. But looking back on it, I played games as a way to avoid things and problems, primarily my wife's nagging, or what I felt was nagging. Let me ask you this, you mentioned in your original post "I constantly need to tell him what needs to be done", that right there may be the reason he's always losing himself in a game. How often are you "constantly" telling him or asking him to do things? I'm not trying to throw this problem back on you, I'm really not, but I know that from my own experiences with my relationship and even with my parents when I was young and still lived with them, the more times I was asked or told to do things or the same thing, the more I blew it off and ignored it.

The one thing I can say is stop asking him to do things. Let him see that you're not dependent on him and take care of yourself and your kids. If there's something that needs to be done for him or something that affects him, don't do it. Stop doing his laundry, stop doing his dishes and cleaning up after him, let him see that you're not going to take care of him anymore. Don't tell him you're going to do this or even why you're only taking care of your stuff, just do it. Take the kids out on the weekends to the park or on play dates and don't invite him. If he wants to treat you like you're not there or that you're there to take care of him, then turn his attitude right back on him. It won't be easy on you, I know that, but give this some time and watch the change that occurs.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

eva8686 said:


> So we did talk and he was different today, did his housework without me having to tell him and was present. I told him he needed to prioritize us before gaming or eventually he would have no family to prioritize and that really got to him.
> If he does revert back, the next step is moving the computer to the basement (out of sight out of mind), which if he chooses to be there more than be upstairs with us than that is a serious issue to where we will do counselling. So he needs to create a new balance while having the freedom to have access to his games and us without any prompting from me to prioritize the kids and I. He said he understands that and I know it will take alot of self control on his part to be here with us and have the computer right there too. He said he can do it...we will see how it goes! I know he is a good person and I think he just doesn't know how to act and is still maturing as a husband and father, he puts the effort in but loses sight of why he is doing it so I need to keep him on track for now and hopefully he won't need me to anymore and we would have created a healthy balance of family, friends and our own interests. He doesn't have that same consciousness as I do to see these things, he is very lucky I do, because I could just let it go each time and eventually let it blow up....he knows my patience is wearing thin and he has one more chance to work on it. Thanks everyone for your input, I was able to see other perspectives and take some good advice!!
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk


Do counseling now. Don't wait because your resentment will be worse and rightfully so. I am a gamer too. I only game after my wife has gone to sleep. I would actually much rather spend time with her. Something is up with him that he is choosing to escape from reality.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

AtMyEnd said:


> I was like this myself when I was younger. But looking back on it, I played games as a way to avoid things and problems, primarily my wife's nagging, or what I felt was nagging. Let me ask you this, you mentioned in your original post "I constantly need to tell him what needs to be done", that right there may be the reason he's always losing himself in a game. How often are you "constantly" telling him or asking him to do things? I'm not trying to throw this problem back on you, I'm really not, but I know that from my own experiences with my relationship and even with my parents when I was young and still lived with them, the more times I was asked or told to do things or the same thing, the more I blew it off and ignored it.
> 
> *The one thing I can say is stop asking him to do things. Let him see that you're not dependent on him and take care of yourself and your kids. If there's something that needs to be done for him or something that affects him, don't do it. Stop doing his laundry, stop doing his dishes and cleaning up after him, let him see that you're not going to take care of him anymore. Don't tell him you're going to do this or even why you're only taking care of your stuff, just do it. Take the kids out on the weekends to the park or on play dates and don't invite him. If he wants to treat you like you're not there or that you're there to take care of him, then turn his attitude right back on him. It won't be easy on you, I know that, but give this some time and watch the change that occurs.*


Perfect

OP, you HAVE to do this, now!


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

sokillme said:


> Do counseling now. Don't wait because your resentment will be worse and rightfully so. I am a gamer too. I only game after my wife has gone to sleep. I would actually much rather spend time with her. Something is up with him that he is choosing to escape from reality.


I think this is a really good idea. I agree.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AtMyEnd said:


> I was like this myself when I was younger. But looking back on it, I played games as a way to avoid things and problems, primarily my wife's nagging, or what I felt was nagging. Let me ask you this, you mentioned in your original post "I constantly need to tell him what needs to be done", that right there may be the reason he's always losing himself in a game. How often are you "constantly" telling him or asking him to do things? I'm not trying to throw this problem back on you, I'm really not, but I know that from my own experiences with my relationship and even with my parents when I was young and still lived with them, the more times I was asked or told to do things or the same thing, the more I blew it off and ignored it.
> 
> The one thing I can say is stop asking him to do things. Let him see that you're not dependent on him and take care of yourself and your kids. If there's something that needs to be done for him or something that affects him, don't do it. Stop doing his laundry, stop doing his dishes and cleaning up after him, let him see that you're not going to take care of him anymore. Don't tell him you're going to do this or even why you're only taking care of your stuff, just do it. Take the kids out on the weekends to the park or on play dates and don't invite him. If he wants to treat you like you're not there or that you're there to take care of him, then turn his attitude right back on him. It won't be easy on you, I know that, but give this some time and watch the change that occurs.


I agree with this and will add to it.

While you are doing all that was suggested above, have a good attitude. Be happy and cheerful. Go about your life, only taking care of yourself and your children. Get out as much as you can and don't tell him where you are doing or what you are doing. 

HIM: Where are you going?

YOU: Out for a while.

And then walk out the door with your kids to visit people, go to the park, etc.

And sometimes, just go out and leave the kids with him.

All the while being very cheerful. (not sill perky, just in a good mood).

You better believe that he will suddenly be more interested I what you are doing than he is interested in his games.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

As an ex gamer once married to another gamer, I grew up and away from games and he did not. I'm now married to a non gamer and the difference is like night and day.

If he could better regulate his game time I'd say there's hope, but he's stuck on fantasy island. You should leave him there.


----------



## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

I play video games a lot but I think that once someone either identifies themselves as, or someone else identifies them as a 'gamer', they need to take a big step back and re evaluate their lives.

Sure, I got into MMO's, but I never got addicted and it sure as heck never got in the way of going out to bars, clubs, or getting with women.

Even when I used to go to huge LAN parties, I'd still be on the prowl. Had great results with that too.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*I just deleted long thread jack that had nothing to do with the OP and her issues. Anyone who continues the thread jack. Do not continue the thread jack. From here on out offer support to the OP.

{Speaking as a moderator.}*


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@eva8686, 

How are you doing?


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> @eva8686,
> 
> 
> 
> How are you doing?



OP, you said you are 9 months pregnant, how close are you to the due date? Is H helping with the preparations and plans for when the baby comes?? Will he watch the other child?


----------

