# She cheated. I cheated. Not sure where to go from here.



## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

This is my first real post here but I have been dealing with this for some time now. My wife and I are in our early 30s and have been married for six years and together for eight. We have 6 y.o. twin girls. In June of last year I found some alarming things on our computer. Dug a little bit and it seemed like my wife was having an A. I confronted her and she denied. Nothing happened for a couple weeks. I got a series of text messages from an unknown number telling me that my wife was having an affair with someone's husband. I confronted again and wife confessed. The final version of events is that she had a 4 month affair with the married other man. Around 15 encounters. Frequent emails and messages. 

My immediate inclination was to just file for divorce. I had been 100% faithful to my wife and passed up several opportunities to mess around. My wife ended up becoming extremely remorseful and by August I backed off the idea of a divorce. The idea of paying my wife spousal and child support to **** around is fairly unappealing. I grilled her for almost 3 months and she insists that the Affair was a one time thing and that she is sorry. 

I am trying to forgive her but its hard. I have not been faithful to her since and I haven't even felt an ounce of guilt. In September I slept with a co-worker on a work trip. We have been together a few more times since then. I also had a ONS with an ex-girlfriend when I went home to visit family in November. I know I should feel guilty and on paper I am as bad as my wife. But I don't. And I still feel anger towards her. She doesn't know about any of this. 

I do think a divorce would be hard because of costs and it would be tough on our girls. My wife and I get along well enough and the marriage is ok. We have a decent amount of sex. Don't really fight (unless its about the affair). Have a nice home. Prior to her affair we were talking about another baby but I am not sure where we sit now. I would like a son but I don't want to be further tied down in case things don't work out. I'm just looking for some advice. Is it wrong to just stick in the marriage because it is convenient?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Pidge and Joe Kidd may you cometh!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

And Danf and, ahem, me. 

Some couples can work through this, it's a work in progress (Joe & Pidge, Dan & his wife). Some can't (me and my exH divorced).

Jokes -- what do you want? Divorce or your marriage? Figure that out first and then work from there.

And yes, you were both wrong. My advice is to tell her you cheated also. Because if she wracked with guilt over having an affair and you did the same, it's really unfair of you to keep taht a secret from her.

You BOTH deserve the truth and BOTH need to get tested for STDs.

And I do perosnally think it's wrong to stick to a marriage for "convenience." It should be because you want to spend your life with someone, not because it's the easier thing to do. KWIM?


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Well, when a person makes a decision on staying married based on paying spousal support/child support I think the question kind of answered itself.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Yeah I did the revenge A thing. Honestly if I wanted to see others then I would leave pidge. OP. If you don't feel guilty then the marriage is dead. Get the divorce and give it a proper burial.


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

Regarding tests. Wife had an STD panel in August of last year. Was clean. Also this is going to make me seem paranoid but I had paternity tests done on the twins. They are mine. I used a condom during the ONS. I will look into an STD test for myself but I don't think anything was transmitted. 

My wife doesn't work so the support I would end up paying is fairly substantial. I don't think there is anything wrong with taking that into context. I'm not crazy about the idea of being away from my kids and that wouldn't be healthy for them. That is my main reason for not wanting a divorce. More so than any financial elements. 

I'm not sure if confessing is the best thing to do or if I am ready to. I hold a lot of resentment that she bull****ted me for almost a month. I honestly don't think she is owed the truth at this point. It would absolutely change the dynamic of our marriage if I was to confess to what I did. Like I said earlier I am not feeling overly guilty about what happened. As far as I am concerned we are even. And I didn't mention this is the initial post but there have been a couple other incidents that could be considered cheating but were not sex. So it would be quite a bit to confess too. My position right now is if she confronts me I won't lie to her but I am not volunteering anything.


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

joe kidd said:


> Yeah I did the revenge A thing. Honestly if I wanted to see others then I would leave pidge. OP. If you don't feel guilty then the marriage is dead. Get the divorce and give it a proper burial.


You don't think having children changes the dynamic at all? I can't just leave. I don't feel the same way I did about my wife pre-A and I am not head over heels in love with her but I do care about her. Getting a divorce would hurt our kids and put all of us in a worse financial position. I think its more complicated than if you don't love her leave.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

JokesOnMe said:


> You don't think having children changes the dynamic at all? I can't just leave. I don't feel the same way I did about my wife pre-A and I am not head over heels in love with her but I do care about her. Getting a divorce would hurt our kids and put all of us in a worse financial position. I think its more complicated than if you don't love her leave.


I have 2 with pidge. We came very close to the end. My feelings were that my children were not going to grow up in a home where their parents were just going through the motions. Kids aren't stupid , they see through that crap. We decided we were going to honestly try and if it didn't work then it didn't work. I understand the indifference, I was feeling the same there for a while with one foot out the door. I just want my kids to have a happy mom and dad, even if it means we are not together.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Oh my, as this unfolds....this could be me.

I caught my husband cheating on me. Oh what fun...

My current evil fantasy is the revenge affair. I know, for sure, the last thing I would feel is guilt. I think pure joy would be more like it.
Total empowerment? The list of benefits seemed endless.

JOM, my only point about considering having to pay spousal/child support was that it can't be the saving grace of your decision. The kids, however, should be your ultimate consideration.

It doesn't hurt to try to make it work. It seems Joe may have some wisdom about that we both should be listening to. I am also going to find a new evil fantasy.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

JokesOnMe said:


> I honestly don't think she is owed the truth at this point. It would absolutely change the dynamic of our marriage if I was to confess to what I did.
> 
> My position right now is if she confronts me I won't lie to her but I am not volunteering anything.





joe kidd said:


> If you don't feel guilty then the marriage is dead. Get the divorce and give it a proper burial.


:iagree: I agree. Plus, since he won't tell her what he's done, I even moreso agree.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I only hear why you shouldn't get divorced, no reasons to stay married


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

JokesOnMe said:


> You don't think having children changes the dynamic at all?


Yes, it does. It increases the urgency for you to do something 100 fold. 

Your kids deserve better than what you are your wife are doing to one another and what you are becoming.


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

To clarify to the best of my knowledge my wife is no longer having an affair. I'm not really having an affair. I slept with my co-worker a half dozen times or so and the ex once. There isn't much in terms of an actual relationship so it different. We are cordial in front of the girls and we don't ever fight in front of them.


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## NatashaYurino (Jan 2, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> I only hear why you shouldn't get divorced, no reasons to stay married


:iagree: You both have cheated and not feeling guilty does not not dimish your own contribution to the problem, eventually she is going to have to know, and what morals are you going to have to judge her actions.


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

I think part of my hesitation to tell her about the affairs is I'm not sure how its going to come across. I was fairly harsh when I found out her affair and I was a little mean spirited about it. I think people can understand cheating in revenge but the hypocrisy is going to be appalling.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

When we no longer have a moral compass to guide us it leads to all sorts of problems. You lost the moral highground, you surrendered. I understand why you did it but what happens when she finds out?


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Hey I'm not judging, I'm in no position to. Is staying going to make you happy? If not the monetary gain just isn't worth it IMO.


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

From a practical point of view I am not going to get much out of leaving. I would be away from my daughters for substantial amounts of time. I would likely end up moving out. I would be paying support. I wouldn't be with my wife who despite everything we have been through I generally get along with and like. The only benefit is I suppose I could find someone else who would presumably be a better wife. But even that isn't a sure thing. 

And we (wife and I) fixed a lot of the sexual issues we were having pre-affair. If you add in the improvement in the marriage intimacy and the still ongoing situation with the co-worker I am more than satisfied sexually. I do feel myself morphing into a scumbag and that is disappointing. A year ago I would never even of thought of touching another woman. Now...


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

JokesOnMe said:


> From a practical point of view I am not going to get much out of leaving. I would be away from my daughters for substantial amounts of time. I would likely end up moving out. I would be paying support. I wouldn't be with my wife who despite everything we have been through I generally get along with and like. The only benefit is I suppose I could find someone else who would presumably be a better wife. But even that isn't a sure thing.
> 
> And we (wife and I) fixed a lot of the sexual issues we were having pre-affair. If you add in the improvement in the marriage intimacy and the still ongoing situation with the co-worker I am more than satisfied sexually. I do feel myself morphing into a scumbag and that is disappointing. A year ago I would never even of thought of touching another woman. Now...


The really sad thing is, you don't seem to care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh so you're still having an affair with your co worker and won't tell your wife? Amazing. Not to mention you going off on Sunshine in another post for texting pics to someone yet you ae doing way worse. Just calling a spade a spade. Your wife deserves the truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

i personally have no issues with what you are doing cause you've detached from your wife upon knowing the affair, most of us men struggle with how could she, and battle our selves for answers and self worth, instead u identified your false precepts of her and the only reason your still in the marriage is for your kids. this way, u dont have to wrestle with all the resentment bitterness and void feelings we naturally harbor , good for u


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Your wife deserves the truth.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No she doesn't. There is an incredible amount of deceit from her about her affair. Believe me she does not deserve the truth. 

I really wouldn't call my situation with my co-worker an affair. We have had sex 6 times and done sexual things maybe 4-5 more times. Its not a situation where we are in contact every day or are sleeping with one another regularly. We have had sex almost exclusively on business trips. Its essentially just sex once a month. 

With regards to the comments in the other thread. Our situations are totally different. I didn't wrong an innocent party. I am not saying things snowballed. I know what I did and I decided to do exactly what I have done. I am owning my ****. I don't think the other user was. 

Jayman I wallowed in the misery for three months before doing anything. I do feel like I am in a better place now so thank you for the support/praise.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No, you're not "owning your sh!t" as you say, since your wife is in the dark about what you have done and are doing. And you are actively having an affair. Divorce would be best since you don't seem to care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

JOM, Jelly is right even though I totally see where you are coming from.

Your wife may not deserve the truth but you deserve to be truthful.


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

Ehh. Divorce would not be best. I've listed why I don't think its best. I guess I'll repeat it: $$$ and time away from kids. 

I'm not ever going to tell my wife about the affairs. I don't see the point at all. All it would do is cause problems. And at the end of the day it wouldn't change a thing. I would still resent her and its not like she would file for divorce because of it. 

I think what I am doing now is just sitting in the middle and having a moderately satisfactory marriage that has serious issues and messing around on the side. Its fine short term but it isn't really a great situation long term. My co-worker is in a remarkably similar position as I am and our set up is mutually beneficial and discrete. I just wanted to make clear I am not taking advantage of her or misleading her.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

What happens if your W gets an STD because of your cheating? Condoms do not protect against everything. There could also be a chance that your "co-worker" is having sex with other people than just you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

Karma???

I guess we'll cross that road if we have to. My co-worker says she is clean and I do believe her. We don't use condoms. She has an IUD. I used a condom for the ONS in November. I'm not trying to be glib or ignore your point. Its a valid one but I am not overly concerned. I am not messing with women who are HIV-positive. If and STD situation arises odds are it would be a minor STD and a treatable STD.


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

No we don't have an open marriage. It would bother me if she was having another affair. It might sound hypocritical (and it probably is) but the idea of sharing my wife is fairly repulsive to me. That is why I had such a hard time dealing with the affair. It would break me if I knew she was having an affair after proclaiming it would never ever happen again. And I have access to her passwords and phone. There are zero signs of an affair now. 

I have started to broach the subject of her working again but we are still up in the air about the whole baby thing. I do want a son and financially we are at a good point now. Obviously maritally we are not. We both are in our early/mid 30s so ideally we would want to have him in the next couple years. This is more so what I was looking for guidance on. Would it be incredibly dumb to have another child in our situation?


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Jokes, why are you here exactly??? I've read every one of your posts and I don't see you asking how you can work on repairing yourself or your marriage. So I will bring it back to the one and only real question you asked us about your relationship:



JokesOnMe said:


> Is it wrong to just stick in the marriage because it is convenient?


*Yes, it is wrong. *

Beyond this, I'm not wasting anymore breath on you regarding "advice". Good luck with the rest of your married life while screwing other chicks in the name of financial stability!!!

JokesOnUs...


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

The argument my wife has made is that a baby would let us refocus on what is important and it would bring us closer. When our twins were babies we were probably the closest we ever were so I think there might be some merit to her point.


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

Bottled Up said:


> Jokes, why are you here exactly??? I've read every one of your posts and I don't see you asking how you can work on repairing yourself or your marriage:


I think the conversation got derailed. If you look back at my initial post I was asking if it was wrong to stay for convenience and about having another baby. 

I never said I was looking for advice on how to stop the affairs. Or how to repair our marriage. I think in time I will be ready for that but I'm not now. I need the affair. In a twisted way its helped me recover from things. I have let go of a little bit of anger (not all) towards my wife. I'm sorry I irritated you


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Well, you just seem emotionally numb. I have a buddy that was cheated on around the same time I was cheated on. I ended up staying with my wife and he moved on to another woman. I only see him every couple of years. Last time I saw him I was asking about his new woman and he was very distant from her. She was in his life, but he could take her or leave her. Or so he said.

What was really going on is that he's been so hurt by the betrayal that he's not willing to allow himself to feel anything for this woman. He's shut his emotions down. As a result he talks about her much like you talk about your wife. Distant, objective, practical. It's a way to avoid further hurt, but it's not a life plan.

As for current cheating - of course the affair is ongoing. Don't lie to yourself. I'm a bit of an eye for eye guy. So your cheating is sort of justified. But it's also tied into the emotional distance.

Whether you stay with her or not, you need to address the emotional disconnect at some point. It's not a way to live.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Absolutely not to the baby. That's a terrible idea. You can't trick her into having your child when she doesn't know about the cheating. That would be evil.


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

I would agree that I am emotionally distant. Part of it is I am hesitant to go all in a fluid situation. Things are better now but you never know right? And I have always been a little detached so its not out of character. 

Is it really that wrong if we both want the baby? I'm not forcing her or even pressuring her for the baby. Its a little hard for me to accept the "evil" label. Its dishonest no doubt but I don't think it is evil. I am not going to leave my wife for my co-worker. I don't love my co-worker. Its not really even emotional at all.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Did you expose your wife's affair to the OM's wife? She has a right to know and also needs to be tested as well.


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

OM's wife confirmed the affair for me so its a non-issue. I had suspicions and my wife denied denied denied. I let it go. I got a message from OM's wife saying that he was sleeping with my wife. I confronted my wife again and she confessed.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

JokesOnMe said:


> No she doesn't. There is an incredible amount of deceit from her about her affair. Believe me she does not deserve the truth.
> 
> I really wouldn't call my situation with my co-worker an affair. We have had sex 6 times and done sexual things maybe 4-5 more times. Its not a situation where we are in contact every day or are sleeping with one another regularly. We have had sex almost exclusively on business trips. Its essentially just sex once a month.


That is bullsh!t and you know it! You have a fvck buddy, just like your wife had hers when she was in her affair.



> With regards to the comments in the other thread. Our situations are totally different.* I didn't wrong an innocent party*. I am not saying things snowballed. I know what I did and I decided to do exactly what I have done. I am owning my ****. I don't think the other user was.


You make a big stink about deception but you refuse to acknowledge your own. Your wife may not be an innocent party but if you are having sex with her, then *you are deceiving her* into believing that you are not going to leave her because you still love her and are trying to reconcile, when in reality it is the time you would loose with your daughters and the money you would have to pay for spousal and child support as part of life after divorce, that are the true reasons why you are staying married to her. Oh yeah that is being truly open and honest with her, isn't it?


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

Lets not get into whose affair was worse. Believe me when I say any objective observer would consider hers worse. It was longer, more emotional and happened first. Fine. It is an affair. I suppose technically the ONS counts as an affair too. Its just making things equal. 

Maybe you guys have a point. I am going to think things over again and maybe I will come clean. I will update the thread if I do decide to tell her. What am I supposed to tell her? I am staying for the money? Be realistic.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

This dude is obviously a troll. And even if he weren't, he's not looking for advice anyway. Stop wasting your breath people.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

JokesOnMe said:


> Lets not get into whose affair was worse. Believe me when I say any objective observer would consider hers worse. It was longer, more emotional and happened first. Fine. It is an affair. I suppose technically the ONS counts as an affair too. Its just making things equal.


Actually any objective observer would say that your affair is just as bad and if not worse because you knowing how painfully devastating her affair was, you have deliberately chosen to inflict the same pain on her by having an affair of your own while deceiving her into believing that you are a faithful husband and are attempting an honest effort of marital reconciliation with her. Both lies.

The only way that you could argue that your affair is not worse than hers is if you had informed her that you would not reconcile with her until after you had an affair of your own and she had accepted it. But you did not do this, did you?


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

How am I troll? This is my life. Its not like anything is fantastical. My wife cheated. I cheated. That is unfortunately an everyday occurance. Its really unfair to people to label them a troll without merit. All it does is make sure no one ever seeks advice.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

When are you planning to stop?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

All you doing is prolonging the inevitable and causing immeasurable damage to your family in the meantime. 

But you don't care. 

Your hurt and anger are somehow shielding you from looking at yourself in the mirror, or seeing the consequences of what you are doing. It's as clear as day what your doing, and exactly what is going to happen. 

Don't you hear yourself? I don’t know anything about this man you claim to have been. But the guy posting here right now is an angry, selfish, lying, shell of a man. You’re a cheating husband and father. That resonates in everything you are and everything you do... It's your character bro, your soul. That is what _you_ are. Cut the bulls*t away, it's all that a person has for the short time that we are here. Don’t you feel it? You’re rotting away from the inside. 

Do you think other people don't sense it? They _see it_ and _smell it_, particularly your kids. What's worse, like it or not... You are their hero... They seek to emulate you. 

I don't know why I'm wasting my breath. You’re blinded. Your letting your wife's adultery own you. It defines you and you don't have the strength or will to fight back.

I apologize if I sound angry. It's really silly, I have no idea why it makes me so deeply sad and frustrated to read this. Why should anyone else care about what happens to you and your family if you don't?.

Good luck, I hope you can find the strength to save yourself.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

or a turtle


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

or a puppy


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I wouldnt want to do that to a dog


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

JokesOnMe said:


> Its really unfair to people to label them a troll without merit. All it does is make sure no one ever seeks advice.


Are you seriously trying to play the "unfair" and "seeking advice" cards on me after reading more than a dozen posts from you making excuses to justify continued cheating on your wife, with no indicated plans to stop anytime soon, and without a sense of remorseful tone whatsoever???

Yeah, ok buddy...


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

I know you cared a lot for her and her betrayel hurt you so much. But you are also doing the same, hurting her back. Her affair was her selfishness and yours your selfishness. How can two selfish people can live together happily in a marriage.

You want to hurt her like she hurt you,Tell her you are cheating, then dont disclose completely, let she come clean first. then you should also come clean. figure out whether both of you can work on this marriage any more. else get her a job and divorce her.
It is sad to say that husband should pay spousal support to WW for her to fuvck around with hard earned money of BS.

But what ever you are doing now dont even think of a baby into your current marriage.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Bottled Up said:


> This dude is obviously a troll. And even if he weren't, he's not looking for advice anyway. Stop wasting your breath people.


I started getting that vibe on page 2 of this thread.


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## JokesOnMe (Mar 7, 2012)

Thanks for the advice folks. I'm out


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Who's been reading my stories?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

mikeydread1982 said:


> Who's been reading my stories?


Your alter ego mikey.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Wait? mikey had a revenge affair too? I was assuming that he wa thinking about it.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Wait? mikey had a revenge affair too? I was assuming that he wa thinking about it.


Nope, the dummy did it.:scratchhead:


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## miscommunication (Oct 1, 2011)

JokesOnMe said:


> This is my first real post here but I have been dealing with this for some time now. My wife and I are in our early 30s and have been married for six years and together for eight. We have 6 y.o. twin girls. In June of last year I found some alarming things on our computer. Dug a little bit and it seemed like my wife was having an A. I confronted her and she denied. Nothing happened for a couple weeks. I got a series of text messages from an unknown number telling me that my wife was having an affair with someone's husband. I confronted again and wife confessed. The final version of events is that she had a 4 month affair with the married other man. Around 15 encounters. Frequent emails and messages.
> 
> My immediate inclination was to just file for divorce. I had been 100% faithful to my wife and passed up several opportunities to mess around. My wife ended up becoming extremely remorseful and by August I backed off the idea of a divorce. The idea of paying my wife spousal and child support to **** around is fairly unappealing. I grilled her for almost 3 months and she insists that the Affair was a one time thing and that she is sorry.
> 
> ...


JOM- you've had a good bit of advice given which I will echo but on top of that I want to point out a few things. First don't stay in a relationship out of convenience, because of financial gain or for "the good of the children". That will only result in resent me and doubt on all parties involved. Plus from what you say it seems as though you emotionally disconnected and have no interest in reconnecting. I would venture to say that you don't care about your wife, you may believe that you do but it's a front. You have to look at yourself and be brutally honest with yourself. Whatever you decide to do, do because it's for you as a person and not for others or for your pocket book. I cheated on my wife and she cheated too. I found out first and put her through hell and guess what when she found out about mine there was hell to pay. When we decided to R I made sure that she knew I was doing it because I wanted her. I wasn't doing it for the kids or because it was financially convenient. I did so because I chose her. And I told her in no uncertain terms that I wanted her to do it because she chose me. I don't want to be chosen because I'm a good father and the kids behave well around me or because I'm a good provider or because I clean house and help with laundry and errands. I value myself more than that to be chosen for that and not for the man that I am. And that sir is what you need to work on. If that isn't what is taking place in your marriage then it's not really worth just staying in it for the status quo. And you mention that the friends with benefits relationship is just sex and not emotional, I'm going to challenge that thought. After my affair which to me was just physical I gave it a lot of thought and realized that it did fulfill an emotional need. No I had absolutely no romantic feelings thoughts or desires for her but the feeling of being acknowledged as a sexual person was very rewarding. The attention that she was giving me was the emotional need that was being fulfilled. So look at your situation and ask what emotional need is being fulfilled via your affair? 

One last note, another child isn't going to help any.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## InFlux (Oct 30, 2011)

You might consider divorcing and doing a bird's nest custody if you're putting your kids' needs first (as you should). It sounds like you can operate with your WW as a co-parent well enough. See here for more info:

This Cuckoo's Nest


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

JokesOnMe said:


> No we don't have an open marriage. It would bother me if she was having another affair. It might sound hypocritical (and it probably is) but the idea of sharing my wife is fairly repulsive to me. That is why I had such a hard time dealing with the affair. It would break me if I knew she was having an affair after proclaiming it would never ever happen again. And I have access to her passwords and phone. There are zero signs of an affair now.
> 
> I have started to broach the subject of her working again but we are still up in the air about the whole baby thing. I do want a son and financially we are at a good point now. Obviously maritally we are not. We both are in our early/mid 30s so ideally we would want to have him in the next couple years. This is more so what I was looking for guidance on. Would it be incredibly dumb to have another child in our situation?


Yes you are in open marriage as well as being a hypocrite as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Yes you are in open marriage as well as being a hypocrite as well.


If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it is a _____


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

Cheating is cheating. If I were dating someone who confessed to a revenge affair, I wouldn't give a $#!t about the why. Instead of taking the high road, you are now a cheating hypocrite who's endangering the life of your children's mother.

You are potentially exposing your wife to HPV which causes cervical cancer. It's the most common form of STI and 50% of people will have it at some point in their lives. It can take two years for the virus to leave your system and may never manifest in physical symptoms. It can not be tested for in a STD screening, so your co-worker may have HPV and have no clue. Especially if she's willing to have unprotected sex with multiple partners. I doubt you've been her only partner in the past two years. 

I'm surprised you trust that your co-worker has an IUD and is STD free. As your wife's infidelity should've proven to you, people lie everyday. Do not take someone's word that they are "safe". I'm so amazed that people still have unprotected sex with multiple partners in this day and age, so not worth the risk. 

I do feel bad that your wife cheated, but holy moley I'm stunned you've sunk so far. Of course BS's ponder the idea of a revenge affair. It's popped into my head a few times in the year since d-day, but revenge is not worth my integrity.


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