# NMMNG-Help



## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Following the advice of several forum members, I started reading the book No More Mr Nice Guy late last week. I finished it last night. I must say, a lot of it slapped me right upside the head. My wife saw me reading on my phone last night and asked what I was reading. I told her the name of the book and she immediately said "Why? You're not a nice guy". She wasn't being mean. I am a strong personality, and I've never been intimidated by people or let them walk all over me, so she sees me as that type of person. But, in many ways, I have learned that I have "Nice Guy Syndrome". 

There are several things I am going to apply from the book and change is coming. I do have 1 question for any of you that have read and applied the book to your life. The question is from chapter 8. So many things in chapter 8 apply to me, and after YEARS and YEARS of struggling with P.E., this chapter really got my attention. 

Without going in to all the detail of the chapter and the causes that the author listed, I'm wondering if any of you have recovered from the sexual dysfunction of P.E. after reading the book and applying the techniques given.

I can tell you, without hesitation, that I've had to lie any time my wife has asked me if I masturbate. Of course I masturbate. We only have sex 2-3 times a month. But she believes wholeheartedly that masturbation is a form of sex, and sex with anyone other than her is adultery. We've talked about it, so I'm not making that up. I've told her how silly that is, but it doesn't change what she believes.

The author also talked about being out in the open with everything, and not keeping anything in the dark. So if I have a talk with her openly about masturbation, I know that won't end well and if I tell her that I've done it my whole adult life and will continue to do it, that won't end well either. 

I'm in a bit of a bind. I desperately want to fix my P.E. problem, but I know I can't do it the way the author recommends it. With that said, I have asked her openly to help my fix my P.E. by giving me HJ's and working through it with me. She declined wanting to be involved, saying "it's not that big of a deal to me". Even if she's being honest, it's HUGE deal for me. 

Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

LuvIsTuff said:


> I can tell you, without hesitation, that I've had to lie any time my wife has asked me if I masturbate. Of course I masturbate. We only have sex 2-3 times a month. But she believes wholeheartedly that masturbation is a form of sex, and sex with anyone other than her is adultery. We've talked about it, so I'm not making that up. I've told her how silly that is, but it doesn't change what she believes.


Well then ask her straight up, "Since once or twice a month is not enough for me, what do you suggest I do?"

See what her answer is and go from there. I hope she doesn't answer back with, "count your lucky stars you get sex at all"

Do you initiate? If so, what is her reason for turning you down so much?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Following the advice of several forum members, I started reading the book No More Mr Nice Guy late last week. I finished it last night. I must say, a lot of it slapped me right upside the head. My wife saw me reading on my phone last night and asked what I was reading. I told her the name of the book and she immediately said "Why? You're not a nice guy". She wasn't being mean. I am a strong personality, and I've never been intimidated by people or let them walk all over me, so she sees me as that type of person. But, in many ways, I have learned that I have "Nice Guy Syndrome".
> 
> There are several things I am going to apply from the book and change is coming. I do have 1 question for any of you that have read and applied the book to your life. The question is from chapter 8. So many things in chapter 8 apply to me, and after YEARS and YEARS of struggling with P.E., this chapter really got my attention.
> 
> ...



Own your sexuality!!!

Do not allow your wife's completely uneducated half assed assumption that masturbation is a part of sex and thus adultery to have sex without your spouse go unchallenged each and every damn time!

Wouldn't you expect that a woman who complained that her husband felt her orgasms weren't important stand up for herself? Correct her husband's lack of understanding? Challenge his erroneous thinking?

Seriously does you wife live under a rock? Masturbation = adultery...

I am doubly saddened that she refused your request for help with PE. I have to say back in my bad old days, I might have said something similarity cold and dismissive. It comes down to a shocking lack of education of healthy sexuality.

Time for some learnin...
The Men's Health and Women's Health Big Book of Sex: Your Authoritative, Red-Hot Guide to the Sex of Your Dreams (and His!)/ Your Authoritative, Red-Hot Guide to the Sex of Your Dreams (and Hers!) by Jeff Csatari | 9781605293035 | Paperback | Barnes 

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...5884518/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-4687506-3545662

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Matters-Women-Second-Edition/dp/1609184696

You can still complete those exercises on your own...once you've gained permission to masturbate that is...

The most important thing a sex starved spouse must do is to win their sexuality. Not in an aggressive way, but more about not placating the LD's defensive assertion that the HrD is odd, depraved, fiendish or freakish.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Check out the forums at www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forums for some additional support.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

When your wife feels like masturbation is a form of adultery, that is a red flag that she is projecting her problems onto you and making you pay the price. It is very likely when/if she masturbates that she is tempted to do or she fantasizes about things that would sincerely lead her to believe the act is a form of adultery. 

Before you open up, see if you can get her to open up on *what she experienced* to make her feel that masturbation is so forbidden. If it is just the fact that she has repeatedly caught you lying about your habits and is scared to confront you after seeing pictures of ***** **** and **** with ***** on your phone that made her cry for days on end, then your just like every other guy out there. If she claims to have never masturbated, then she is the one lying to you.

Best wishes!


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

I'd say the number one thing on your list is to realize you don't need your wife's permission or blessing to pull at it. #2 is that she needs to understand pulling at it is not cheating, and if she continues to think that way, that's her problem, not yours.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Lila said:


> Caveat: I have not read NMMNG, therefore I am not aware of what the author suggests for dealing with premature ejaculation. Now that that's out of the way......
> 
> P.E. is usually caused by either a physical (poor strength of the pelvic floor muscles) or mental (anxiety) reason. You can help your P.E. by working on both the physical and mental components.
> 
> ...


It's mental/psychological. After reading about this in the NMMNG book, it's a certainty. I'm a textbook case for PE. I'm just hopeful that his techniques can correct it. I want to get off of Zoloft.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

badsanta said:


> When your wife feels like masturbation is a form of adultery, that is a red flag that she is projecting her problems onto you and making you pay the price. It is very likely when/if she masturbates that she is tempted to do or she fantasizes about things that would sincerely lead her to believe the act is a form of adultery.
> 
> Before you open up, see if you can get her to open up on *what she experienced* to make her feel that masturbation is so forbidden. If it is just the fact that she has repeatedly caught you lying about your habits and is scared to confront you after seeing pictures of ***** **** and **** with ***** on your phone that made her cry for days on end, then your just like every other guy out there. If she claims to have never masturbated, then she is the one lying to you.
> 
> Best wishes!


I wouldn't be at all surprised if she has never masturbated. It's a religious issue with her. She used some scripture in the bible to tell me that masturbation was wrong. Oddly enough, our pastor disagrees. LOL


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

LuvIsTuff said:


> I wouldn't be at all surprised if she has never masturbated. It's a religious issue with her. She used some scripture in the bible to tell me that masturbation was wrong. Oddly enough, our pastor disagrees. LOL[ I'd LOVE to find out that she does. I'd want to watch. :smthumbup:/QUOTE]


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

As I read this book, and get confronted with so many things that I identify with, I find myself feeling like our marriage is somewhat doomed. The author clearly warns that this book will either improve your relationship or send it to the grave. I'm feeling like the latter is more likely. I almost feel like bringing up some of the issues will be the match that lights the fuse, and then BOOOOOOM! goes the dynamite.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Own your sexuality!!!
> 
> Do not allow your wife's completely uneducated half assed assumption that masturbation is a part of sex and thus adultery to have sex without your spouse go unchallenged each and every damn time!
> 
> ...


So much like.


Luv--you disagree with your wife that masturbation = adultery. That's clear. So what makes your wife's opinion about this more valid than your own? What makes keeping your wife safe from your opinion and the truth that lying to her is preferable? If you can't feel safe enough with her to tell her the truth about this, then you're still being cowed in your relationship. Go back and read the book again. Saying this with all respect, because I've had to go back and re-read it myself.

Being honest about stuff like this is more freeing than you can imagine.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> So much like.
> 
> 
> Luv--you disagree with your wife that masturbation = adultery. That's clear. So what makes your wife's opinion about this more valid than your own? What makes keeping your wife safe from your opinion and the truth that lying to her is preferable? If you can't feel safe enough with her to tell her the truth about this, then you're still being cowed in your relationship. Go back and read the book again. Saying this with all respect, because I've had to go back and re-read it myself.
> ...


That's exactly why in my last post I said that I have a feeling when I start applying the book, it's gonna end bad. My wife has a whacked out belief system and I don't see her bending it to keep me around. I'm not saying I want to keep hiding or being dishonest about masturbation. I'm just saying that I have good reason to believe that she won't be open to it. What sucks is that when I asked her to be the one to do it for me, as a means of correcting P.E., she refused that too. I guess she thinks I should just be happy getting a quickie every now and then.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

LuvIsTuff said:


> As I read this book, and get confronted with so many things that I identify with, I find myself feeling like our marriage is somewhat doomed. The author clearly warns that this book will either improve your relationship or send it to the grave. I'm feeling like the latter is more likely. I almost feel like bringing up some of the issues will be the match that lights the fuse, and then BOOOOOOM! goes the dynamite.


You won't know that for sure until you "cross that bridge".


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

You always have the option of respecting her boundary on this (as ridiculous as it is). That way you'd be honest about it--but probably much more frustrated. It's that, continue to lie, or lay it out on the table.

Only she knows for sure that she'd actually leave you over finding out that you masturbate, but it's possible that calling her bluff on it might make her stop and have a reality check. Especially if you have a pastor on your side when she threatens to leave you.

Besides, some day you're going to forget to lock the door, and then you're going to have to own up to the lie.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Following the advice of several forum members, I started reading the book No More Mr Nice Guy late last week. I finished it last night. I must say, a lot of it slapped me right upside the head. My wife saw me reading on my phone last night and asked what I was reading. I told her the name of the book


No more skimming!

On page one it says "In order for this book to be maximally effective, do not share the fact that you are reading it with your wife".


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

lenzi said:


> LuvIsTuff said:
> 
> 
> > Following the advice of several forum members, I started reading the book No More Mr Nice Guy late last week. I finished it last night. I must say, a lot of it slapped me right upside the head. My wife saw me reading on my phone last night and asked what I was reading. I told her the name of the book
> ...


It says the exact opposite. It says to have your partner read it with you so that they can better understand what you're doing.


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

LuvIsTuff said:


> It says the exact opposite. It says to have your partner read it with you so that they can better understand what you're doing.


Yes, and this is the only piece of advice that Glover gets wrong. EVERYBODY on the NMMNG forum boards agree that you have to implement the program without constantly quoting or referring to the book itself. Let your actions do the speaking.

Citing the book is a practice akin to approval seeking from your partner and makes your progress appear inauthenic. (i.e. You're only doing what the book sez to do & this change is not real - in her mind.) Also, acknowledgement of the book within the relationship lends itself to the formation of covert contracts.

The cat's out of the bag already with your wife. No biggie. Just don't make a big deal that you're doing the breaking free excercises or following other advice given in the book. Just do the work and let your actions speak.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I made the same mistake. Like MarriedTex says--just play it low-key and do your thing. The goal is to get to a place where you can manage yourself and your own life without seeking her approval.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

MarriedTex said:


> LuvIsTuff said:
> 
> 
> > It says the exact opposite. It says to have your partner read it with you so that they can better understand what you're doing.
> ...


Oh great! Just f*cking great! Well. I only told her I was reading and read 1 exerpt that was a spitting image of me. She doesn't know about the exercises or the method by which the boil teaches me how to change.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Dont sweat it. You are your priority, not her.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

LuvIsTuff said:


> LuvIsTuff said:
> 
> 
> > I wouldn't be at all surprised if she has never masturbated. It's a religious issue with her. She used some scripture in the bible to tell me that masturbation was wrong. Oddly enough, our pastor disagrees. LOL[ I'd LOVE to find out that she does. I'd want to watch. :smthumbup:/QUOTE]
> ...


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Also, I have a feeling I know which scripture your wife is using. If I'm correct, then your pastor is bang on the money. It's a horribly misconstrued passage.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Here is my problem with the NMMNG ponzi scheme:

I read it up to the point I realized what the goal was. Look at it closely. According to the author, he feels like MOST men fall into this category. Then, the ones that don't fit the category should read the book to be aware of the trepidations of being a "nice guy". Basically, he is trying to sell his books, seminars, whatever to every man he encounters.

He seizes on common soft spots, and seeks to erode confidence, and breed reliance on his dogma. He's a hokey salesman, with a pitch to reel in the largest audience possible, and sell, sell, sell.

Like Athol Kay, look him up in Google, then click "images". 
Then Google "charlatan".


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Forest said:


> Here is my problem with the NMMNG ponzi scheme:
> 
> I read it up to the point I realized what the goal was. Look at it closely. According to the author, he feels like MOST men fall into this category. Then, the ones that don't fit the category should read the book to be aware of the trepidations of being a "nice guy". Basically, he is trying to sell his books, seminars, whatever to every man he encounters.
> 
> ...


I don't recall asking for anyone's opinion of the book. Maybe you should start your own thread.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

FrazzledSadHusband said:


> LuvIsTuff said:
> 
> 
> > LuvIsTuff said:
> ...


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Forest said:


> Here is my problem with the NMMNG ponzi scheme:
> 
> I read it up to the point I realized what the goal was. Look at it closely. According to the author, he feels like MOST men fall into this category. Then, the ones that don't fit the category should read the book to be aware of the trepidations of being a "nice guy". Basically, he is trying to sell his books, seminars, whatever to every man he encounters.
> 
> ...


As with any self improvement or psych book, your mileage may vary. Not every book or concept applies to every person. You're free to not read the book or to disagree with Doc Glover's professional experience.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

LuvIsTuff said:


> I want to get off of Zoloft.


I'd get off the Zoloft asap. Are you taking it for depression or for sexual issues?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

LuvIsTuff said:


> As I read this book, and get confronted with so many things that I identify with, I find myself feeling like our marriage is somewhat doomed. The author clearly warns that this book will either improve your relationship or send it to the grave. I'm feeling like the latter is more likely. I almost feel like bringing up some of the issues will be the match that lights the fuse, and then BOOOOOOM! goes the dynamite.


Are you in IC also?

Recovery from NG syndrome is a lifelong process, but in the early days there are a lot of intense reactions and emotions. Don't worry about the marriage, just work on being the best individual you can. Your wife will react and adjust as you make changes. There are many positive stories of marriages changing for the better.


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## WasHappyatOneTime (Nov 26, 2012)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Following the advice of several forum members, I started reading the book No More Mr Nice Guy late last week. I finished it last night. I must say, a lot of it slapped me right upside the head. My wife saw me reading on my phone last night and asked what I was reading. I told her the name of the book and she immediately said "Why? You're not a nice guy". She wasn't being mean. I am a strong personality, and I've never been intimidated by people or let them walk all over me, so she sees me as that type of person. But, in many ways, I have learned that I have "Nice Guy Syndrome".
> 
> There are several things I am going to apply from the book and change is coming. I do have 1 question for any of you that have read and applied the book to your life. The question is from chapter 8. So many things in chapter 8 apply to me, and after YEARS and YEARS of struggling with P.E., this chapter really got my attention.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you're afraid of her emotional reactions.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Thor said:


> I'd get off the Zoloft asap. Are you taking it for depression or for sexual issues?


I started taking it for the P.E., but it's helping my not be so pissed about my lame sex life. :smthumbup:


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

LuvIsTuff said:


> I started taking it for the P.E., but it's helping my not be so pissed about my lame sex life. :smthumbup:


Well then I'd get off of it asap. Talk to your doc about how to do that so it is done safely.

If you have mood issues, check out the book "The Mood Cure". It is inexpensive and there are many excellent natural cures in there, using amino acids, vitamins, and other well proven supplements (e.g. St. Johns Wort). 5-HTP has been shown to be as effective as anti-depressants.

Go to the forums at www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forums for support if you haven't been there yet.

When it comes to sex, be selfish. Don't make it about pleasing your wife. If you make it about pleasing her, PE = failure. But it isn't failure, even if it isn't ideal. You're still getting yours! So be more definitive and assertive in bed. Get what you want. Move her around, tell her what you'd like. And vice versa, encourage her to be selfish to get what she wants.

If you finish quickly there is no reason she can't still get her O through oral or manual stim. You can go for a second round of PiV a few minutes after you cum the first time, and you'll last a lot longer.

So take away the negative emotions and labels to your PE. Look at it as you enjoy the orgasm, and then you get to do fun stuff to your wife until she gets hers. And you can even screw her twice and have 2 orgasms yourself. That's not a failure.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Thor said:


> Well then I'd get off of it asap. Talk to your doc about how to do that so it is done safely.
> 
> If you have mood issues, check out the book "The Mood Cure". It is inexpensive and there are many excellent natural cures in there, using amino acids, vitamins, and other well proven supplements (e.g. St. Johns Wort). 5-HTP has been shown to be as effective as anti-depressants.
> 
> ...


If only it were that easy....... She rarely lets me give her oral or manual stimulation and I try almost 100% of the time to do one or the other. Once I get done, she stops, no matter how long or how short the duration is. When I'm done, it's over. She has ZERO interest in being creative. She hate's to "stop/start", and generally wants it fast and furious from the get go. That's not a formula for lasting long....  The other day we were going at it doggy style, which is usually how I come the fastest, but it took me a while. She actually said "what's taking so long'. LOL She was obviously expecting a quickie. 

I went the route of the Zoloft after pretty much 20 years of not being able to get a handle on the situation and my wife not being willing to help with practicing via HJ's. I've been on it for 2 months and it helps a lot. The side effects are almost non existent. I had an insomnia issue last week, but cut back on the dosage a bit and now it's fine.

With all of that said, the book brought up causes of PE that I had never heard before. I'm putting a serious microscope on all of the things mentioned. Maybe, just maybe, I'll uncover the root of the problem.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

LuvIsTuff said:


> I wouldn't be at all surprised if she has never masturbated. It's a religious issue with her. She used some scripture in the bible to tell me that masturbation was wrong. Oddly enough, our pastor disagrees. LOL


Now the Catholic Church is specific about masturbation being wrong, but you are not really going to find anything in the bible about it which is probably why your pastor disagrees. Something you can LOL about is often a RED FLAG, because your wife probably had to search hard in the bible to find scripture that lends itself to saying that masturbation is wrong. So she was ACTIVELY looking for it! *RED FLAG*. 

Read this page to your wife:
Why Didn't God Call it Sin?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

LuvIsTuff said:


> If only it were that easy....... She rarely lets me give her oral or manual stimulation and I try almost 100% of the time to do one or the other. Once I get done, she stops, no matter how long or how short the duration is. When I'm done, it's over. She has ZERO interest in being creative.


Sounds to me like she is the one with the problem. Seriously.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Thor said:


> Sounds to me like she is the one with the problem. Seriously.


No argument here.....


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

badsanta said:


> Now the Catholic Church is specific about masturbation being wrong, but you are not really going to find anything in the bible about it which is probably why your pastor disagrees. Something you can LOL about is often a RED FLAG, because your wife probably had to search hard in the bible to find scripture that lends itself to saying that masturbation is wrong. So she was ACTIVELY looking for it! *RED FLAG*.
> 
> Read this page to your wife:
> Why Didn't God Call it Sin?


She was raised Catholic. She never confirmed because too much of it didn't sit right with her, so I don't think this is from her Catholic upbringing. I think the bigger issue she has with it is that she assumes I'm fantasizing about other women when I do it.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

LuvIsTuff said:


> No argument here.....


Then get yourself off the Zoloft, and get a healthy attitude about your sexuality. If she is unhappy with your performance, the onus is on her to let you know and to then work with you in a positive productive way to get her needs met.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Thor said:


> LuvIsTuff said:
> 
> 
> > No argument here.....
> ...


She's not unhappy, or at least she says she's not. She doesn't care about sex. I've tried to get her to do the various exerises for PE with me and she refuses.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

LuvIsTuff said:


> She was raised Catholic. She never confirmed because too much of it didn't sit right with her, so I don't think this is from her Catholic upbringing. I think the bigger issue she has with it is that *she assumes I'm fantasizing about other women when I do it*.


OMG, I just now started assuming all kinds of horrible stuff about you and your wife. This is fun!


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

badsanta said:


> OMG, I just now started assuming all kinds of horrible stuff about you and your wife. This is fun!


Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous, especially since she had a ONS 13 years ago. She can actually think about a real person she was with while we're having sex! I wonder if she gets jealous of football, because I actually think about football DURING sex. LOL


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

LuvIsTuff said:


> LuvIsTuff said:
> 
> 
> > I wouldn't be at all surprised if she has never masturbated. It's a religious issue with her. She used some scripture in the bible to tell me that masturbation was wrong. Oddly enough, our pastor disagrees. LOL[ I'd LOVE to find out that she does. I'd want to watch. :smthumbup:/QUOTE]
> ...


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Lila said:


> LuvIsTuff said:
> 
> 
> > I've tried to get her to do the various exerises for PE with me and she refuses.
> ...


He didn't suggest anything. I told him everything I have tried and none of it has worked. After listing everything off, he said "well you've pretty much tried everything", and then suggested the zoloft. Its working well. We have not tried senate focus.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

If she doesn't care how long you last, why do you?


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Thor said:


> If she doesn't care how long you last, why do you?


Because it's more than just an end goal... I enjoy the journey far more than arriving at a destination, and I want to take a long road trip rather than a drive around the neighborhood. And, a less "touchy feely" explanation would be that I'm a man and I want to be able to perform for my wife in a way that allows her to be satisfied. 

I'm also not convinced that it's not a big deal to her. She has made comments in the past that were a bit underhanded, but not blatant enough to call her out on it.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

"Wife, what I do with my body in private is none of your business."

Have sex in exactly the way you want. I suggest if you up the frequency, you'll increase the longevity. Everybody wins.

The end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Because it's more than just an end goal... I enjoy the journey far more than arriving at a destination, and I want to take a long road trip rather than a drive around the neighborhood. And, a less "touchy feely" explanation would be that I'm a man and I want to be able to perform for my wife in a way that allows her to be satisfied.
> 
> I'm also not convinced that it's not a big deal to her. She has made comments in the past that were a bit underhanded, but not blatant enough to call her out on it.


But you said your wife doesn't really care. So your desire to please her is not attainable.

You're too focused on her rather than on you. Go for what you want and what interests you. Let her fend for herself.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

marduk said:


> "Wife, what I do with my body in private is none of your business."
> 
> Have sex in exactly the way you want. I suggest if you up the frequency, you'll increase the longevity. Everybody wins.
> 
> ...


No question about it. When we used to do it all the time, PE wasn't an issue. Frequency definitely helps.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

LuvIsTuff said:


> No question about it. When we used to do it all the time, PE wasn't an issue. Frequency definitely helps.


So do it more.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

OP. I hope you continue to update this thread. I am curious to perhaps read this one day myself and would like to know your results


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Lila said:


> LuvisTuff:
> 
> P.E. and other erectile dysfunction issues are a problem for many couples. What's worse is that many men (and their partners) are embarrassed to discuss the topic socially.
> 
> You said in an earlier post that you told your doctors all of the different things you tried. Would you mind sharing what you did try, even if it didn't help? I think your experience would prove helpful to others in a similar boat.


Well, anonymity helps. Lol

I'll keep this as short as possible. I'm 43 and discovered the joy of masturbation when I was about 10. I was raised in a very religious home, and sex was never discussed, ever. When I was a teenager, I was always afraid of getting caught or making my parents suspicious of me whacking off so I always did it in a hurry. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19, and it lasted all of about 30 seconds. I only had a few sexual experiences prior to meeting my wife, and they were all similar to the first time. I tried to "train" myself through typical start/stop, squeeze, etc.. but it didn't work. When my wife and I were dating, the frequency helped, but even then I was never able to go more than 4-5 minutes without having to stop. I thought as I got older that it would go away. It hasn't. I resorted to condoms with numbing agents but they were too strong and killed the pleasure. I bought Promescent about 9 months ago and it helps, but I still can't last near long enough for my wife to finish. Masturbation 30 minutes prior to sex has very little impact. Yes it helps, but not near enough. As I mentioned already, I asked my wife to help me re-train my body, but she didn't take me up on that offer. 

The only thing that works is if she's willing to stop & start. It seems like after 3-4 times of stopping that my body gets the hint and I can go for a while. The problem is that she hates to stop. When I tell her to stop or slow down, she says it feels good and she doesn't want to stop. My hands are tied... Sometimes I feel like buying a vibrator, tying her to the bed and telling her "you're not getting up until you come twice"! Somehow I think if she had mind bending orgasms that she'd like sex more. As of now, she doesn't get them very often because she's not patient enough to make it last. I love giving oral and I love fingering her G spot when she lets me, but that's rare too. Oral and fingering are almost guaranteed to get her off. 

Finally, after listing all my attempted cures, my urologist suggested the zoloft. Its working. I rubbed one out this morning while my wife was in the shower and it took about 10 minutes. That's a LONG time for me. We're going away for the weekend to a romantic spot on the beach. I'm hopeful that it's a weekend to rremember.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Many, perhaps most, women don't orgasm via PiV. Making her orgasm during PiV your goal is a false goal. Sure, once in a while she may orgasm that way. Maybe there is one position that really works for her.

I keep hearing you discribe success as being her orgasm. She should be responsible for getting her needs met, and you for getting yours.

If you can go 4 minutes PiV, you're doing fine. If your wife has had an O prior to this, she should be satisfied with the encounter. My wife likes to get an O from oral, followed immediately with PiV. She really enjoys the PiV a lot even if she doesn't O from it.

NMMNG addresses this aspect of sex, and also the more general tennet that you are each responsible for yourselves. I think you also have some attachments to sex as acceptance, so you are seeking acceptance via sex.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Thor said:


> Many, perhaps most, women don't orgasm via PiV. Making her orgasm during PiV your goal is a false goal. Sure, once in a while she may orgasm that way. Maybe there is one position that really works for her.
> 
> I keep hearing you discribe success as being her orgasm. She should be responsible for getting her needs met, and you for getting yours.
> 
> ...


My goal is not necessarily for her to orgasm from PIV. That's why I mentioned that I offer oral and finger stimulation. But if she's not open to either of those, then PIV is the only other option(unless she lets me try the vibrator idea):smthumbup: As for a position that works, it's definitely cowgirl. She insists on it almost every time. I'm not sure about the acceptance seeking issue. Maybe it's connected to her ONS. I really don't know.... What I do know is that I'm disappointed when she doesn't have an orgasm.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

LuvIsTuff said:


> She declined wanting to be involved, saying "it's not that big of a deal to me".


So you're supposed to just wait around for weeks until your LD wife decides she wants to get you off?

Next time you "need a release" and your wife declines you say to her, "Honey, tonight I'm getting off period. You're welcome to join me or not. It's your choice." 

Then go handle your damn business like a boss.... 

That kind of statement by her is utterly selfish. She absolutely doesn't have to put out if she's not in the mood but the flip side of that is she has no right to dictate what you do in your own private time.

No, you shouldn't be lying to her. Quite the opposite, if she squawks tell her, "You're ALWAYS welcome to join me but my junk waits for no one."

Ditch the nice guy attitude and she'll come around hopefully.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous, especially since she had a ONS 13 years ago.


She thinks you're cheating in your mind cause you solo masturbate and she actually banged another dude behind your back. 

You're wife IS ridiculous. The hypocracy is strong with this woman. You really need to be a tiny bit more selfish with your needs. 

I'm glad you read that book. FOLLOW IT TO THE LETTER.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

LuvIsTuff said:


> I don't recall asking for anyone's opinion of the book. Maybe you should start your own thread.


Just suggesting that if you are contemplating making concerted changes to your life and behavior, you examine this man's motives.

Is he actually out for you, or to strike a nerve, and sell things?


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

BetrayedDad said:


> So you're supposed to just wait around for weeks until your LD wife decides she wants to get you off?
> 
> Next time you "need a release" and your wife declines you say to her, "Honey, tonight I'm getting off period. You're welcome to join me or not. It's your choice."
> 
> ...


I'm actually looking forward to the opportunity to do this. It shouldn't take long........


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

LuvIsTuff said:


> My goal is not necessarily for her to orgasm from PIV. That's why I mentioned that I offer oral and finger stimulation. But if she's not open to either of those, then PIV is the only other option(unless she lets me try the vibrator idea):smthumbup: As for a position that works, it's definitely cowgirl. She insists on it almost every time. I'm not sure about the acceptance seeking issue. Maybe it's connected to her ONS. I really don't know.... What I do know is that I'm disappointed when she doesn't have an orgasm.


Her orgasm is her concern. I understand wanting the wife to have fun when we have sex - all men in a long term relationship want the woman to also enjoy sex. But, it is ultimately her responsibility to reach whatever satisfaction she needs.

You're on a f'n mind altering Rx medication with significant long term affects, all in pursuit of her O! That's nuts.

If she isn't interested in you performing manual or oral on her, that is her choice which comes with consequences. You're really putting far to much emphasis on what she likes, doesn't like, and whether or not she orgasms.

If you've been on the NMMNG forums you may have come across the term JBHO, Just Bend Her Over. That's what she needs, you to just bend her over and do her. In the abstract, you should just go for what you enjoy. Have your way with her.

The only compromise I'd make is to alternate. One session you just do what you want. Be an animal, don't think. Then the next session is hers. She gets to set the tone, or if she won't set the tone you can make her O a priority to you.

Let's look at this a different way. You go to a restaurant, and of course you hope she enjoys the meal. Would you decide what she will eat? What if you say the steak is really good, but she says she won't eat steak here. So you say the lobster is great here, but she won't eat lobster. Finally she says she'll only eat grilled salmon. So out comes the fish, and you cut it up for her. You squeeze some lemon onto the fish. You pour the salad dressing onto her salad. Then as you're eating, you ask her a few times if she is enjoying the meal. As you leave the restaurant you rate the success of the date based on how much she enjoyed her meal.

That is how out of proportion your focus is on her orgasm.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

Thor said:


> Her orgasm is her concern. I understand wanting the wife to have fun when we have sex - all men in a long term relationship want the woman to also enjoy sex. But, it is ultimately her responsibility to reach whatever satisfaction she needs.
> 
> You're on a f'n mind altering Rx medication with significant long term affects, all in pursuit of her O! That's nuts.
> 
> ...


I hear what you're saying and you're probably right. I've had 20+ years of frustration get me to the point of taking a Rx. It doesn't help that my wife isn't interested in helping me fix it either.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

LuvIsTuff said:


> Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous, especially since she had a ONS 13 years ago.


Did you cheat on your wife prior to her cheating on you?


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

jaquen said:


> LuvIsTuff said:
> 
> 
> > Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous, especially since she had a ONS 13 years ago.
> ...


Absolutely not! I haven't so much as kissed another woman since my wife and I started dating.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

If your worried about telling your wife about masturbation, and her reaction, then I suggest you read the book agsin start to finish.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

alphaomega said:


> If your worried about telling your wife about masturbation, and her reaction, then I suggest you read the book agsin start to finish.


Who said I was afraid to tell her about it?


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

No one. Just saying. 

It's a good book. It took me several reads to absorb it all. 

But like any book, you need to take what makes sense to you and modify or discard the rest. No one book is perfect. 

Even with MMSLP. Some good points in it that may help you, but also some stuff I found silly that I just ignore.


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