# Men. What is love to you? How you describe it? How it changes during the time?



## Edvardas (Mar 13, 2021)

Today at work my young colleague asked a simple question. What is love? How you describe it?
He is not married but already living 6+ years with his girlfriend. Seems he is lost in his feelings.
In the room were a woman, me and another guy. Gues who tried to explain it? 
She said that love is a partnership in all aspects of life. 
I and I tried to think hard about how to describe it at home. Because I could not gather thoughts about feelings. I would say it has many phases during life. And love changes the form.
1. First year(s) - Butterflies. When you feel the passion when you love every stupid thing your wife does when you go crazy about the curves of your wife.
2. Living together. Passion becomes coziness. you love the time spending together, going everywhere together. Knowing each other better, finding likes and dislikes in character.
3. Married...with Children. Now you see the true side of each other and either you go along or separate. When you go along the love becomes matured. You are looking for your time and space because now you have duties as husband/wife and as dad/mom. You start to value how your second half controls situations in the family. How father or mother loves their kids, how he cares about you and understands you .


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Unless he was just asking as a fun thought experiment, which it doesn't sound like, he might be dealing with some other issues too. Are his parents alive? Does he know his father? 

Six years and no ring sounds like they both are there for reasons other than "love".

I guess you could start with what love is not. It's not anything you see in movies and definitely not what Disney wants us to believe. It's not a post on Facebook with kind words that aren't backed up by any action. It's not a hashtag.

In a way he might as well ask, how do you know when food tastes good?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Before love, I couldn't comprehend killing.

After I learned to love, I understood the necessity.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Before love, I couldn't comprehend killing.
> 
> After I learned to love, I understood the necessity.


Profound stuff there


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

I couldn't tell you. I don't think it exists. Either love isn't real or it isn't nearly as powerful as people make it out to be.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Al_Bundy said:


> Six years and no ring sounds like they both are there for reasons other than "love".


My understanding is that in Europe, lots of couples don't get formally married.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

For me, love is a territory defined not by boundaries but by the intimate sharing of two lives. As that relationship grows, so grows the territory, so grows the need to nurture and defend it. When I see it in my mind’s eye, I see my wife in a field, and I am in that field and that land is us – it’s always gusty and the sky is always on the edge of breaking into a new sun. I don’t know why those images are persistent, I suppose they define our relationship somehow.

We’ve been married for 35 years, so to be honest, this territory has expanded out beyond the horizons, I couldn’t make it to a new territory if I tried and I don’t want to try. Everything is us, the experiences, the raising of three children, our laughs, our trials, our sex, our contentment. 

As a young man I didn’t realize the land we were creating for ourselves and I would have done so many things different, but those parts of that land remain and remind me that love is a place built on experiences and trust, on faith and reliance, on sacrifice and commitment - that those things all nourish the others at the same time.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Before love, I couldn't comprehend killing.
> 
> After I learned to love, I understood the necessity.


What?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sfort said:


> What?


Are you married and/or have children?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Are you married and/or have children?


Yes and yes


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sfort said:


> Yes and yes


It's simple then. If a rogue dog or a criminal was threatening your wife or child, killing becomes a lot more understandable and easy.

My instinct to kill was honed from childhood but achieved a level I never would have thought possible when I met my wife and again when I held my newborn for the first time.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

I guess I don't understand the mixture of pure joy with killing. Of course I understand defending loved ones. I'm with you on that, but it's not something I think about regularly.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

A description I always liked was one I heard at a church marriage class. It’s from a guy named Chip Ingram, it’s not all-encompassing or universal but I think there’s something to it.

Love is giving another person what they need the most, when they deserve it the least, and at great personal cost. Love is a choice.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

to me love can be summed up with one word: commitment.

that means committing for life and sticking with it through all the bad times and good. saying i love you when you don't feel it. doing your part to your dammdest when you don't feel like it.
none of us are lovable all the time. hoping the best for your mate. fighting selfishness and laziness. the only thing that will sever your commitment is death or severe abuse or infidelity.
then you have to leave, but otherwise it's forever. you wake up one day after years of bliss, struggle, ego conflicts and other hardships along with the great moments and ponder decades living with the same person for all those years as old people, a whole life behind you and still committed. that's love.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Edvardas said:


> Today at work my young colleague asked a simple question. What is love? How you describe it?
> He is not married but already living 6+ years with his girlfriend. Seems he is lost in his feelings.
> In the room were a woman, me and another guy. Gues who tried to explain it?
> She said that love is a partnership in all aspects of life.
> ...


I would say love is an overlap between: trust, vulnerability, commitment, emotional bonding, comfort, joy, respect, codependent, being desired and pride in your partner and self.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

A kid at work asked you "what is love", and you didn't bore him to tears with the Greek underpinnings of eros, agape, storge, philia, ludus, pragma, and philautia ? I am so disappointed in you.


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## NicoleT (Jun 4, 2010)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> For me, love is a territory defined not by boundaries but by the intimate sharing of two lives. As that relationship grows, so grows the territory, so grows the need to nurture and defend it. When I see it in my mind’s eye, I see my wife in a field, and I am in that field and that land is us – it’s always gusty and the sky is always on the edge of breaking into a new sun. I don’t know why those images are persistent, I suppose they define our relationship somehow.
> 
> We’ve been married for 35 years, so to be honest, this territory has expanded out beyond the horizons, I couldn’t make it to a new territory if I tried and I don’t want to try. Everything is us, the experiences, the raising of three children, our laughs, our trials, our sex, our contentment.
> 
> As a young man I didn’t realize the land we were creating for ourselves and I would have done so many things different, but those parts of that land remain and remind me that love is a place built on experiences and trust, on faith and reliance, on sacrifice and commitment - that those things all nourish the others at the same time.


I like this.


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## The IT Guy (Oct 17, 2020)

Debatable. I don’t think it’s for everyone.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> It's simple then. If a rogue dog or a criminal was threatening your wife or child, killing becomes a lot more understandable and easy.
> 
> My instinct to kill was honed from childhood but achieved a level I never would have thought possible when I met my wife and again when I held my newborn for the first time.


I scare myself to think of the evil i would do to another that intentionally hurts my wife/kids.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Wanting the best for someone and willing to go to the ends to get it for them. To see them succeede and flourish. Reminds me of saying on Dr Laura. "Husband told wife he would swim through shark infested waters to get her a lemonaid, and even go back for the umbrella if they forget it" 

Ensure behavior consequences to that person for their benefit and growth no matter how much it hurts you to dish out those consequences. 

Feeling like if they were gone, a huge part of you would forever be missing and that pain would never subside.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Divinely Favored said:


> I scare myself to think of the evil i would do to another that intentionally hurts my wife/kids.


That just shows that you're self aware and probably a good man. We should be aware of what we are capable of and the fear of it keeps us respectful and reserved about our behavior.

With that said, no one would ever find a person who really harmed my family.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Mr. Nail said:


> Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled.


Love is an emotional weakness in men that allows women to manipulate, control and extort them.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

John Carter and Dejah Thoris.

You know it's love when you will destroy nations and even worlds to protect and save your woman!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> That just shows that you're self aware and probably a good man. We should be aware of what we are capable of and the fear of it keeps us respectful and reserved about our behavior.
> 
> With that said, no one would ever find a person who really harmed my family.


We understand each other. 😏


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Love is an emotional weakness in men that allows women to manipulate, control and extort them.


Then yours was not with the right woman.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> Then yours was not with the right woman.


None of them are the right woman.
Only your delusions makes you think yours is different.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> None of them are the right woman.
> Only your delusions makes you think yours is different.


You delude yourself. I believe a large number are like that. Lord knows i have run across several and have the scars to show for it. My wife used to believe all men were mentally weak to the charms of other women and unable to keep from cheating. Took me a few years to show her she was wrong.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> John Carter and Dejah Thoris.
> 
> You know it's love when you will destroy nations and even worlds to protect and save your woman!
> View attachment 78617


You're back!
Going well?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mr. Nail said:


> You're back!
> Going well?


I've accomplished my biggest short term goal which was to ensure my youngest son was on a better path but it's been a lot of work with several setbacks. Real life is messy.

Mrs. C and I are doing well and getting ready for a move to Texas where we will stay.

I'm really looking forward to it!😁


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Love is an emotional weakness in men that allows women to manipulate, control and extort them.


Only if you are weak to start with


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## Husband2016 (May 27, 2018)

jorgegene said:


> to me love can be summed up with one word: commitment.
> 
> that means committing for life and sticking with it through all the bad times and good. saying i love you when you don't feel it. doing your part to your dammdest when you don't feel like it.
> none of us are lovable all the time. hoping the best for your mate. fighting selfishness and laziness. the only thing that will sever your commitment is death or severe abuse or infidelity.
> then you have to leave, but otherwise it's forever. you wake up one day after years of bliss, struggle, ego conflicts and other hardships along with the great moments and ponder decades living with the same person for all those years as old people, a whole life behind you and still committed. that's love.


This is perhaps the closest to my own view. At the biological level it is mere chemicals in the brain. Yet we stay after those lust chemicals leave. At least some of us do.

love can mean a great many of things. Love for a friend. Love for a family member. Love for a child. Love for a significant other. No one doubts those can be love, but each are profoundly different. But they all involve similar things: trust, communication, emotional connection. The only thing that truly separates a significant other is a physical/sexual trust (but not necessarily if both parties agree).


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