# Myth: Everyone Deserves a Second Chance



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

This phrase pops up everywhere. Am wondering when and where it originated. 

My stance is: no they don't. Life isn't a game and no one is obliged to give a second or third chance. No mulligans & no 3 strikes before your out. 

This expectation of another chance could possibly be the catalyst for bad behavior from the get-go.


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

The stance that no one deserves a second chance might bite one in the arse if they find themselves deserving a second chance.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

richie33 said:


> The stance that no one deserves a second chance might bite one in the arse if they find themselves deserving a second chance.


That's true. It could also rain Skittles tomorrow, but I'm not going to count on it.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

No one "deserves" a second chance. If given, it is simply a gift, not something you earn. If you earn something, it is yours.

A second chance has to be "given". You can earn trust and respect witch might convince someone to give you another chance but you can't earn a gift.


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

At least your not a black and white thinker.


----------



## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

OP, if someone has given you a second chance at some point in life, how do you square that with not granting second chances?

The only people I know who have never been granted a second chance are so perfect that they've never needed one. That is, I don't know anyone who hasn't received one. 

On the other hand, there are people who believe they are perfect, so when they receive a second chance they don't recognize it as such, and go on believing that second chances should never be granted. 

There are all kinds of second chances. Maybe you have a specific type in mind?


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I find it's the grey thinking that gets people into trouble with their lives. If people live their lives with a loophole for every wrongdoing, there is no incentive to live 'cleanly' i.e. no cheating, lying, stealing etc.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Children, because they are not grown and are still learning about life (with limited impulse control), they deserve a second chance.

This is why we don't put child criminals in prison for life, generally.

Adults are presumed to be responsible for their own actions 24/7.

Infidelity is a choice, actually a string of many choices all leading away from the right one.

Getting a second chance for cheating is an enormously risky thing for a betrayed spouse to grant.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

VK, guess I'm just plain perfect. Seriously, don't recall ever needing a second chance. And, know plenty of people who haven't needed second chances. Why? Because they conduct their lives honorably.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I'm becoming way too popular WAY too fast around these ways.....

"Everyone deserves a second chance, but not third" doesn't really apply to EVERYTHING.

There is ALWAYS an exception to the rule and it's up to the person to decide if it's worth a second chance.

But I do like to apply this rule for MOST things.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Children get all the chances in the world because they are children. We also don't have children on this board (I hope).


----------



## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> I find it's the grey thinking that gets people into trouble with their lives. If people live their lives with a loophole for every wrongdoing, there is no incentive to live 'cleanly' i.e. no cheating, lying, stealing etc.


Interesting that you think that the possibility of getting a second chance is enough to entice people to screw up intentionally. I think that most people don't try to screw up, they just do. And the 'loophole' may or may not exist depending on who it was that was affected by the screw up. 

Do you know a chronic screw-up who is in the habit of asking for a second (and third, and fourth) chance? Asking is different than granting.


----------



## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> VK, guess I'm just plain perfect. Seriously, don't recall ever needing a second chance. And, know plenty of people who haven't needed second chances. Why? Because they conduct their lives honorably.


You're talking about the most major screw up there is - cheating on a spouse?

ETA: Did you ever screw up at work, like missing a deadline, not interpreting the requirements right? Something like that? If the boss didn't fire you, you got a second chance.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

We are all, just big children. What works to influence a child, will work to influence an adult, in most cases. It's life's hardships that cause us to become bitter and unbending. I am guilty of that as much or more as the next. 

Ask your parents, if possible, when they believe they gave you a second chance. Ask friends. Ask anyone you work with. Ask your superior at work. Ask the guy or gal who packed your groceries. Ask the garbage man/woman who came to remove your trash. Ask the cashier at your favorite store. 

Ask them, not just when they gave you a second chance, but also if they can give you and example of any second chance they gave a customer or someone else in their life a second chance. Buy them a coffee and sit down and talk, if you have to. Just listen and hear what they have to say without comment of your own life.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm not a big fan of the whole notion that everyone deserves a second chance. Not everyone does. Some people do and I think it's a very personal choice made by the one tasked with being the forgiver.


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Cheating is not only thing that can happen in a marriage where someone would ask for a second chance. A husband or wife could have put their career ahead of his or her family and wake up just in time before the marriage crumbles and be deserving of a second chance. 
If you are only talking about cheating , that's your boundary and I am sure the spouse was well aware of that before cheating, so in that case no they do not deserve a second chance.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Folks, I apologize. This is a board talking about marriage and in my original post I stated 'bad behavior'.

Clearly, I did not anticipate that people would interpret 'second chance' to cover children, missed deadlines, burping, farting, whatever. Are we clear, now?


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Richie, your scenario is interesting. The fact that the person awoke to the situation before the marriage had completely deteriorated is an example of recognizing and fixing the problem. A second chance is not really necessary as they are still operating under the first chance, imo. 

If they had not changed their ways and it led to divorce, then they might be asking for a second chance.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Interesting that you think that the possibility of getting a second chance is enough to entice people to screw up intentionally. I think that most people don't try to screw up, they just do. And the 'loophole' may or may not exist depending on who it was that was affected by the screw up.


I agree, no ONE is perfect....EVER

PS. Hope above doesn't create a new thread. :scratchhead:


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

DoF said:


> I agree, no ONE is perfect....EVER
> 
> PS. Hope above doesn't create a new thread. :scratchhead:


It just might.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Folks, I apologize. This is a board talking about marriage and in my original post I stated 'bad behavior'.
> 
> Clearly, I did not anticipate that people would interpret 'second chance' to cover children, missed deadlines, burping, farting, whatever. Are we clear, now?


Why are you conflicted? You set clear boundaries, not covert boundaries, and hold to them. If someone doesn't like it, well that's their problem. If this is expanding into all areas of your life, which is what I truly believe is likely, this thread will not help much. 

I don't see the problem.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

....and this is not a myth


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Some people bank on the 'second chance' as expressed by the adage 'it's easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission'. 

*"And the 'loophole' may or may not exist depending on who it was that was affected by the screw up. "*

Exactly! No one is obligated or bound by some code of fair play to afford a second chance.

No, I don't know anyone who has requested multiple second chances. Good try, though.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Lot's of people live by, 'it's easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission'. 

Those are the one's looking to take advantage of weak boundaries. You need to strengthen your resolve against those folks, and live the life that makes you happy, and doesn't harm anyone.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> That's true. It could also rain Skittles tomorrow, but I'm not going to count on it.


I'm calling shenanigans on this, as I've seen it rain Skittles in TV commercials. 

Those are real, right?


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> I'm calling shenanigans on this, as I've seen it rain Skittles in TV commercials.
> 
> Those are real, right?


Absolutely!


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

richie33 said:


> The stance that no one deserves a second chance might bite one in the arse if they find themselves deserving a second chance.


:rofl:


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

This is obviously a very subjective topic but, honestly, for most people this is going to come down to the severity of the offense involved.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

2ntnuf, you seem to be under the impression that someone has asked me for a second chance. That is not the case nor the reason for this thread. 

This thread was started because some posters have been advised in various threads by various posters (DoF you're not the only one, just the most recent ) that 'everyone deserves a second chance'. This mentality has the potential to put the onus on a person to give a second chance when it may not be in their own best interest to do so.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Yes, I am considering that you might be in that position. It's not always a good idea to give someone a second chance. Nor is it a good idea to never give someone a second chance. That's an individual decision that no one can use general statements to decide. I guess that's why I thought it must be an issue with you personally. 

Painting all with a broad brush is usually not the best way.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> Yes, I am considering that you might be in that position. It's not always a good idea to give someone a second chance. Nor is it a good idea to never give someone a second chance. That's an individual decision that no one can use general statements to decide. I guess that's why I thought it must be an issue with you personally.
> 
> Painting all with a broad brush is usually not the best way.


Or, as I like to say (hehe, another thread starter)....

"NOTHING is good, when taken to the extreme"


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

DoF said:


> Or, as I like to say (hehe, another thread starter)....
> 
> "NOTHING is good, when taken to the extreme"


Finally! You finally got something right. Dayum, there's hope for you yet.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Finally! You finally got something right. Dayum, there's hope for you yet.


I'm pretty sure I got plenty right, but like I said in my first reply of this thread: There is ALWAYS an exception to the rule.

:sleeping:


----------



## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

I have some glass in my house. Im not throwing big ass stones like this.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

My glass has been shattered. Screw it. I got nothing. I don't figure I'll have anything. Life is getting worse and worse. That kind of passive aggressive talk is bull.


----------



## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> My glass has been shattered. Screw it. I got nothing. I don't figure I'll have anything. Life is getting worse and worse. That kind of passive aggressive talk is bull.


Huh?:scratchhead:


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Maybe I misunderstood your post? I apologize if I did. Take care.


----------



## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Maybe I misunderstood your post? I apologize if I did. Take care.


No problem

Just trying to be clever saying people that live in glass houses shouldnt throw stones.

So trying to say everyone gets SOME kind of second chance. Maybe not always about something big like infidelity, but something.

IMO its a slippery slope to be so judgemental and/or black and white in ones thinking.


----------

