# How many women are actually HD? My wife says there are not many.



## jmorris

My wife and I have recently been in a discussion about HD and LD women. She claims that most women like to have sex once per week. She said most of her friends want sex once a week and some like it twice per week. She also says its rare for a women to be HD.

How true is this? I think there are a lot of women out there that like to have sex a lot more than once per week.

My main question is: How rare is it that a women is HD? Are there a lot of women out there that are HD? Or like to have sex more than 2-3 times per week?


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## Faithful Wife

I am HD and so are most of my friends. I think we tend to end up being friends with people who are similar, so it doesn't surprise me that your LD wife has LD friends, just like I am HD and have HD friends.

HOWEVER....none of this matters because you are not going to be able to show your wife a list of HD women and say "see, you should want to have more sex more often".

It literally doesn't matter what sex drive any woman other than your wife has.


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## Suspecting

Every woman on TAM is HD...

But seriously how would your wife know this? Then there is also the fact what is considered HD? I would say to me personally it would be more sex than 1 or 2 times a day.


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## Faithful Wife

Threetimesalady said: "Remember that her sexual want comes from inside her genital area and feeds to her brain."


This is not true for all women.


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## Suspecting

Faithful Wife also has a dirty mind.


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## Faithful Wife

Guilty!


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## somethingelse

You're wife is misinformed. Or maybe she just wants to excuse herself from being intimate more than once per week. Either way, this is not true for all women. There are HD and LD women.


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## Faithful Wife

I don't know what FE is.

But no....not all women have a dirty mind lurking in back of their brain. Some women will never be propelled to turn on a man "when he needs it" (not even sure what that means).

Some women will never have those thoughts or feelings, and they are normal, just different.


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## Holland

Maybe your wife is telling you the version of the story she wants you to blindly accept.

Of the friends I have spoken to about sex, all would have what I consider normal to higher sex drives. Personally I am high drive and, Mr H and I enjoy each other at least 7 times per week and this is a mutually desired level of sex. In a loving relationship I would not be satisfied with sex only once or twice a week.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife

Threetimesalady....I'm glad you have a great sex drive and sex life. I do as well.

However, I also understand that not all women are like me, and they are still normal for themselves. Whereas, your post seems to imply that some women just aren't with the man she lusts after and that is why she doesn't feel lust. This simply isn't true. Some women do not have that type of lust for anyone.

Please don't condescend to me, however. When I said I didn't know what FE is and what "turn on a man when he needs it", it was because I personally don't call it FE and I personally would not use the phrase "turn on a man when he needs it"....not because I am young or ignorant.


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## ReformedHubby

I guess it depends on what you consider HD. If my wife doesn't get it a minimum of three times a week she complains. WHen I've been ill or otherwise unable to have sex due to work I've noticed that she is dreaming about it because she moans a lot. I seriously think three times a week is the norm for most happily married couples.


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## Toffer

Wait a second here.............

You're getting sex on a once a week on a regular basis? You lucky [email protected]!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos

Three times a week, at least, is my ideal. When I was younger, 7 times a week even more so


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## HangingVine

Ha ha! Once or twice a week is not LD.Thats "average".People think in terms of LD, HD based on their own drive. Desiring sex once or twice a week ifs far from "low drive".What is the world coming to?


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## HangingVine

Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare?


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## ASummersDay

I prefer to have sex a minimum of once per day.


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## SunnyT

Suspecting said:


> Every woman on TAM is HD...
> 
> But seriously how would your wife know this? Then there is also the fact what is considered HD? I would say to me personally it would be more sex than 1 or 2 times a day.


^^^I agree. I would think HD is relative. I personally thought once a week with ex was lame. Every day now is normal.... I would think 2 times a day would be HD! I could handle it...LOL, I think! 

FYI: 40's were AWESOME for sex! Ex bailed... wah... new H... YAY! Now we are both in our 50's and the (what's the word????____________) "satisfaction" (Not a good enough word, it's more like the awesome factor, but that sounds too lame also.) is off the charts!


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## SunnyT

HangingVine said:


> Ha ha! Once or twice a week is not LD.Thats "average".People think in terms of LD, HD based on their own drive. Desiring sex once or twice a week ifs far from "low drive".What is the world coming to?


It certainly IS LD... if you want MORE! It's not "what is this world coming to?" It's kind of a personal preference, isn't it? People HAVE to think in terms of LD and HD based on thier own drive! Isn't that what matters? 

If not, then it's the same as the LD person saying once a month is plenty..... get over it.


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## HangingVine

SunnyT said:


> It certainly IS LD... if you want MORE! It's not "what is this world coming to?" It's kind of a personal preference, isn't it? People HAVE to think in terms of LD and HD based on thier own drive! Isn't that what matters?
> 
> If not, then it's the same as the LD person saying once a month is plenty..... get over it.


Low drive is a medical term like low "thyroid" ..desiring sex once or twice a week is not "low drive".Its not always "high or low" there is a "norm".Just because someone has "hyper drive" doesn't make a normal drive person "low".

If I want to have sex 3 times a day and my husband is happy with once a day according to your "gauge" I can call him "low drive".That's ridiculous.There is a "standard".Wanting to have sex once a day is NOT LD..but based on what you say I can say it is.....

Desiring sex once or twice a week is not "low drive"..Period.


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## SunnyT

HangingVine said:


> Low drive is a medical term like low "thyroid" ..desiring sex once or twice a week is not "low drive".Its not always "high or low" there is a "norm".Just because someone has "hyper drive" doesn't make a normal drive person "low".
> 
> If I want to have sex 3 times a day and my husband is happy with once a day according to your "gauge" I can call him "low drive".That's ridiculous.There is a "standard".Wanting to have sex once a day is NOT LD..but based on what you say I can say it is.....
> 
> Desiring sex once or twice a week is not "low drive"..Period.


Well, I guess we'll need a link to the medical journal that states that once a week is the "norm".

ETA: Which would prove the OP's wife's statement. PROOF being the key word.


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## SimplyAmorous

> *jmorris said*: How true is this? I think there are a lot of women out there that like to have sex a lot more than once per week.
> 
> My main question is: How rare is it that a women is HD? Are there a lot of women out there that are HD? Or like to have sex more than 2-3 times per week?


I think a woman goes through sexual phases in her life... depending on her hormones at the time ....this book explains this well...

The Alchemy of Love and Lust: talks about hormones and how they affect us... a man's PRIME is in his 20's -where as a woman's is often late 30's -into her 40's... seems a cruel Joke God has played on the sexes. 

My husband would not call me HD for the 1st 19 yrs of our marriage (he wished)...but honestly I think he had a lot to work with ...but still we missed each other...we didn't talk about sex...I didn't know how he was feeling...and for me, it wasn't on the brain every day....his touching me got me there, watching a hot movie or reading a romance.. these never failed. 

I think I was borderline high drive all my life, just kinda repressed & had other things on my active brain all those years (kids , projects).... the need would always build in me after so many days...I've always initiated, and if he'd slip & get his before me... I'd make him do it again, I wanted MINE ! 

Each pregnancy made me hornier ...then in Mid Life, I went a little crazy... felt like my eyes were fully opened for the 1st time sexually... suddenly I had the greatest of appreciation for what young Testosterone driven males go through..(or any HD person... I felt such sympathy if one was with an UNinterested lack of passion/ enthusiasm rejecting partner ....OMG, how could they stand it - I would have raised the roof off the [email protected]#$)...

I felt like my mind was Hi-jacked... 3 times a day would have been heaven.. I didn't need a drop of Foreplay for 8 straight months ....
Back to normal ...but the drive to "do it" still remains......I'd be up for it every day but we do skip a good 2 , maybe 3 days a week now. We are in our later 40's.


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## larry.gray

Toffer said:


> Wait a second here.............
> 
> You're getting sex on a once a week on a regular basis? You lucky [email protected]!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'd divorce if it was once a week average.


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## WyshIknew

It would probably help if we could determine what was High drive, normal drive and low drive.
With appropriate adjustments for age of course.

I regard myself as normal to high for my age (mid 50's) but I obviously would not 'match up' to some guy in his 20's.

As an average would you consider more than once per day as high drive. Two to six times per week normal drive. And once or less per week as low drive?

Fair assessment?


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## Suspecting

In theory, women can have sex as many times as they want in a day. Men have the refractory period which limits it somewhat.


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## Holland

Suspecting said:


> In theory, women can have sex as many times as they want in a day. Men have the refractory period which limits it somewhat.


Yes true but Mr H breaks the theory. In his 50's and we did it 3 times in a 6 hour time frame on the weekend. To be fair we had not done it for about 24 hours prior. 
And as much as I love sex I doubt my mind or body would go 3 x a day for very long.

As for the definition, my ex was almost ND so now I could not care less what the actual definitions are. As long as it is more than 4 times a week and with a compatible person then I am very happy.


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## john_lord_b3

Suspecting said:


> In theory, women can have sex as many times as they want in a day. *Men have the refractory period which limits it somewhat*.


 true


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## ScarletBegonias

jmorris said:


> My wife and I have recently been in a discussion about HD and LD women. She claims that most women like to have sex once per week. She said most of her friends want sex once a week and some like it twice per week. She also says its rare for a women to be HD.
> 
> How true is this? I think there are a lot of women out there that like to have sex a lot more than once per week.I think a lot of women like it.Provided they have a partner who gives it to them great. Sometimes life gets in the way too though and a lot of us let it.
> 
> My main question is: How rare is it that a women is HD? Are there a lot of women out there that are HD? If I'm basing it on women I've known and currently know,women like it at least every other day.Or like to have sex more than 2-3 times per week?


 once or twice a WEEK???

This would be me:











This past week we couldn't do it all week.I nearly died.


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## FemBot

I would rate myself as ND because I feel satisfied at 3-4x a week. I could do it more but not less. This is our average. I am not on birth control though so these are my real hormones doing the talking....


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## samyeagar

My STBW had a similar conversations a little while back. She was wondering if we were abnormal because some of her friends couldn't believe that we did it daily plus some. It was not in such a way as there was something really wrong with us, just abnormal in a cool way. The thing is, we WANT each other that much, and it is kind of an awesomel feeling knowing that I have that effect on my woman


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## EnjoliWoman

When married to an azz I never wanted it. In 15 years of marriage I can count on my one hand the # of times I initiated - but he also never gave me a chance. He groped from the time I got up to the time I went to sleep (which was his way of saying he wanted sex) and jerked of in the middle of the night many nights to porn in his home office. He complained I never initiated. I didn't a) due to lack of opportunity as he was constantly in a state of initiating and b) I really didn't WANT to have sex with him a lot of the time and just gave in to avoid a fight... usually daily.

I have certainly desired it and think about sex more often when I'm dating someone special so I think 3-4 times a week would be good for me but hard to know, really.


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## samyeagar

Holland said:


> Yes true but Mr H breaks the theory. *In his 50's and we did it 3 times in a 6 hour time frame on the weekend*. To be fair we had not done it for about 24 hours prior.
> And as much as I love sex I doubt my mind or body would go 3 x a day for very long.
> 
> As for the definition, my ex was almost ND so now I could not care less what the actual definitions are. As long as it is more than 4 times a week and with a compatible person then I am very happy.


I am almost 41 and have ED problems. There have been several times where my STBW and I have done that as well. The best we've ever done was 5 times in 8 hours. Twice in two hours is not uncommon for us...happens once or twice a week.


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## Starstarfish

> If you feel like cleaning the house together both naked, then try it


That's a good idea, but doesn't really work when you have a toddler, or relatives live with you.  

If you someone who likes it once a week, anyone who likes it more than that is HD. If you like it once a day, people who like it a few times a week are LD. I think these terms get thrown around a lot, without there really being an accepted definition of what they mean. Whether or not you self-label as LD/HD/ND/Insane Drive is really irrelevant, all that matters is that you and your partner have a satisfying mutual agreement on how much is enough to keep the higher drive partner happy without the lower drive partner feel over-pressured. Each couple has to figure out what that balance is. Or - realize they can't come to a balance, and decide what to do with that reality. 

No offense, but I find the whole I'm a magical sex goddess with FE powers that are divine that make me immune to wrinkles and cured my vision problems with Peter Parker type suddenness, implausible at best. And what honestly does that bring to the conversation about averages? That some people are apparently granted divine rays of holy sunshine down on the genitals, and the rest of us mere mortals just need to sadly deal with what we are granted. But - if we aren't ready to go at the drop of a hat, and/or need lube, we obviously don't care about our spouse enough, and/or married the wrong man. 

Really?


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## ScarletBegonias

I'm lucky I have the luxury of time in my personal life to have sex as often as I want.That doesn't mean it happens at the drop of a hat or that I'm perpetually wet n ready for sex.To have that perception of high drive people is as rude as high drive people who feel low drive people aren't putting in effort,don't love their man enough,etc. 
Either you want it and make time for it or you don't.If you make time for it,understand that while you may not be in the mood to start,after some foreplay you will likely be in the mood.I'm not in the mood daily always,but I do get horribly distant and irritable when we don't make love often.I give SO the opportunity to put me in the mood if I'm not feeling it at the initial start of things.Why do I do this instead of just saying I'm not in the mood,we'll do it tomorrow? I do it bc I know it's good for us and I'll enjoy myself once I'm in the right frame of mind.

Too many low drive people can't get over that bump of "not in the mood". 

They'd rather postpone it when they're not feeling it instead of allowing their partner the opportunity to help them get focused on enjoying the connection.

Having sex daily or every other day doesn't mean you are some goddess with golden blessed genitals.All it means is your priority for the physical part of your relationship is different than someone who wants it twice a week.

If it doesn't negatively affect your marriage,great.if it does,then you and your spouse have some things to iron out.


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## Starstarfish

Just to note, I didn't mean to indicate anything about all HD people as collective (assuming there is such a thing), my reaction was specifically to what I felt the message was in certain posts. 

I realize I should have quoted things to make that more apparent.


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## SimplyAmorous

ScarletBegonias said:


> once or twice a WEEK???
> 
> This would be me:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This past week we couldn't do it all week.I nearly died.


I felt like I was going to die even after a day - going without ....during my "SKY drive" phase.. so intense...I was thinking I had a sex addiction.... just getting through that time of the month was a killer... He was so good to me during that ...even when he struggled to keep up... he'll forever be my HERO. 

Just thinking about not getting it - I could relate to this Nasty kitty ready to blow something up or do some major clawing.... Going it alone just wasn't fulfilling ...in comparison.


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## EnjoliWoman

ScarletBegonias said:


> ...understand that while you may not be in the mood to start,after some foreplay you will likely be in the mood.I'm not in the mood daily always,but I do get horribly distant and irritable when we don't make love often.I give SO the opportunity to put me in the mood if I'm not feeling it at the initial start of things.Why do I do this instead of just saying I'm not in the mood,we'll do it tomorrow? I do it bc I know it's good for us and I'll enjoy myself once I'm in the right frame of mind.
> 
> Too many low drive people can't get over that bump of "not in the mood".


Heartily agree. I enjoyed sex with the ex a lot of the time just for the sex. I often wasn't in the mood but I could choose to allow myself to get in the mood or choose to hurry up and fake it. In the beginning I was the former more often than not. In his mind I was LD because I didn't want to daily. I thought LD was more like once a week or less. 

So HD/LD is definitely a personal perception thing and choosing to forget the dishes and allow yourself to enjoy the moment and get IN the mood is important and LOT of LD who don't try to ramp it up just don't let themselves be sexual and turned on. 

A LD person may never initiate a lot of the time, but they CAN enjoy sex more frequently if they learn to be responsive to their partner's needs and focus on it. Most of them admit that when they DO have sex they enjoy it. So I'm thinking they should just remind themselves of that.


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## ScarletBegonias

Threetimesalady said:


> I didn't say I was a goddess, you did...


Actually,no I didn't. You weren't even on my radar when I was typing that.Sorry!

Also,it's obvious you struggle with comprehending my post.I wasn't knocking HD women,being one myself,I was trying to say HD women aren't any more glorious than other women.We just put a higher priority on sex than other women and there's nothing wrong with that.


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## Faithful Wife

Threetimesalady...I'm enjoying your posts...but you don't seem to be actually reading the other posts here. MANY of the women who are contributing to this thread are HD and love having sex. You seem to be gliding past this fact and assuming you are the only one here who loves sex with her husband? I myself have written an entire blog about my Sex God husband, while you have responded to me a few times in ways that seem like you have no knowledge of this....which is fine, I don't expect you to....but when you are addressing someone you should also know a bit about their sitch if you are going to make a particular point which you believe they don't understand. I hope that makes sense! Again, I like your posts but you seem to be making assumptions that no other women here know what you are talking about, yet we DO.


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## TheCuriousWife

I plead for sex everyday. I feel like I just want to scream I crave it so much, and he just isn't interested.

I can coax him into 3 times a week. 

I've done everything I can to talk him into 5 times a week as a compromise, and no dice. 

So yes. I think there are plenty of HD, and I'm sure there is plenty of LD women too.


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## samyeagar

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'm lucky I have the luxury of time in my personal life to have sex as often as I want.That doesn't mean it happens at the drop of a hat or that I'm perpetually wet n ready for sex.To have that perception of high drive people is as rude as high drive people who feel low drive people aren't putting in effort,don't love their man enough,etc.
> Either you want it and make time for it or you don't.If you make time for it,understand that while you may not be in the mood to start,after some foreplay you will likely be in the mood.I'm not in the mood daily always,but I do get horribly distant and irritable when we don't make love often.I give SO the opportunity to put me in the mood if I'm not feeling it at the initial start of things.Why do I do this instead of just saying I'm not in the mood,we'll do it tomorrow? I do it bc I know it's good for us and I'll enjoy myself once I'm in the right frame of mind.
> 
> Too many low drive people can't get over that bump of "not in the mood".
> 
> They'd rather postpone it when they're not feeling it instead of allowing their partner the opportunity to help them get focused on enjoying the connection.
> 
> Having sex daily or every other day doesn't mean you are some goddess with golden blessed genitals.All it means is your priority for the physical part of your relationship is different than someone who wants it twice a week.
> 
> If it doesn't negatively affect your marriage,great.if it does,then you and your spouse have some things to iron out.


All of this is spot on with my STBW and I. We are not always in the mood at the same time. I can't tell you how many times I'm at work, mid morning and tell myself that that night, I just want to take the night off. Almost never happens. We stay connected through the day through texting and calling. My STBW knows that she is my priority even when I am at work, and that if she calls, I will drop what I am doing and answer. She does not abuse that because she respects me and my job. It's not always suggestive communication, though often it is. Mostly it's just how our days are going, this and that, whats for dinner, bills, things like that. That non sexual connection, interest in each other and our life together helps fuel the sexual connection

We both know the value of, and feel the connection through sex, and we Love it. We never turn each other down. Even times where one of us isn't in the mood, the offer is still there, and it is not a duty offer. We both know that if things start, it's going to be great. It always is. We have never had mediocre sex.

We find the time to do it as often as we do because it is important to us, and we like to do it. Even if it means I get an hour less sleep at night, or one of us gives up our lunch break, we make the time because it is our priority. When others might be watching a movie, or playing video games, reading, going to the gym, hiking, you name it, we prefer sex as our leisure activity of choice.


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## ASummersDay

I relate to a lot of what ScarletBegonias has said. Sex is a high priority for me. On the rare occasion that I'm not in the mood and my husband is, it doesn't take much for me to get there. Usually some light foreplay is enough or even just cuddling. 

Honestly, a lot of the time all it takes is for him to come home at the end of his shift. As soon as I see him, I want to have sex with him. What can I say?


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## committed4ever

They should have a category called PD - pregnancy drive. It's been 2 weeks 2 days and 18.5 hours and :gun:


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## samyeagar

committed4ever said:


> They should have a category called PD - pregnancy drive. It's been 2 weeks 2 days and 18.5 hours and :gun:


It's been 0 weeks, 0 days, 4 hours, and in 5 hours, it will be 0 weeks, 0 days, 0 hours 



Sorry, couldn't help it...I'll be glad for your sake when your hubby gets home...I think someone should warn him about what he is in for first though


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## committed4ever

samyeagar said:


> *It's been 0 weeks, 0 days, 4 hours, and in 5 hours, it will be 0 weeks, 0 days, 0 hours *
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry, couldn't help it...I'll be glad for your sake when your hubby gets home...I think someone should warn him about what he is in for first though


Showoff!


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## mablenc

I for the life of me struggle with the thought that if woman are multi-orgasmic, why in the world would we not be HD, of course with the exception of medical reasons. But, I have learned that some women are just LD. Which I think is OK as long as you are still taking care of your spouse and understanding their needs. Same goes for men.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123

LD/HD is relative depending on who you are with! 
I think I'd be most happy with 4 times a week, with a few days of more than once thrown in. 
Age plays a huge part in this. With my ex I was fine with once a week because I was younger and he wasn't as attractive to me. He also would jump up after sex, wash off and go do something else, call a friend or go out. So I didn't feel like it was as intimate as it is with my husband now. 
I'm attracted to my husband in a lot of ways that I wasn't with my ex. 

At the same time I have to say whatever is normal for her is normal.


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## HangingVine

The appropriate terms to use if its only in relation to differing drives between spouses would be lower or higher drive than the other.Assuming that both would be considered by a "sexpert" for lack of better terms to have a drive within normal range.

I wouldn't say if my husband likes to have sex 2/3 times a week he is "low drive" just because I like to have sex 2/3 times a day.When I hear low drive high drive I think of extremes on opposite ends of a spectrum.2 times a day to me is on the extreme side.But I would not say that 2 times a week is an extremely low desire.

Its making something an extreme that is not by comparing it to something that is considered extreme.It would never end.


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## HangingVine

mablenc said:


> I for the life of me struggle with the thought that if woman are multi-orgasmic, why in the world would we not be HD, of course with the exception of medical reasons. But, I have learned that some women are just LD. Which I think is OK as long as you are still taking care of your spouse and understanding their needs. Same goes for men.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


#1 not all women are multi orgasmic. Not only that ability to orgasm multiple or not is not the only factor in desiring sex.If it was only about having an orgasm we would just MB all day long even if we had no desire to and have as many orgasms as we could make ourselves have and had time for.Sexual drive is more involved than seeking out an orgasm or orgasms simply because you know you can have one,or two,or three.Women can also thoroughly enjoy sex sometimes and not even have an orgasm.


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## Cosmos

diwali123 said:


> LD/HD is relative depending on who you are with!
> I think I'd be most happy with 4 times a week, with a few days of more than once thrown in.
> Age plays a huge part in this. With my ex I was fine with once a week because I was younger and he wasn't as attractive to me. He also would jump up after sex, wash off and go do something else, call a friend or go out. So I didn't feel like it was as intimate as it is with my husband now.
> I'm attracted to my husband in a lot of ways that I wasn't with my ex.
> 
> At the same time I have to say whatever is normal for her is normal.


:iagree:

'Drive' can be relative to a number of factors, particularly hormones, physical / mental health / worry / stress and attraction. I might be normal to high drive, but if I was with a man who wasn't on the same page as me regarding 'prelude' and 'epilogue', I would be no drive. Sex is_ way more_ than a form of 'release' to me.


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## mablenc

HangingVine said:


> #1 not all women are multi orgasmic. Not only that ability to orgasm multiple or not is not the only factor in desiring sex.If it was only about having an orgasm we would just MB all day long even if we had no desire to and have as many orgasms as we could make ourselves have and had time for.Sexual drive is more involved than seeking out an orgasm or orgasms simply because you know you can have one,or two,or three.Women can also thoroughly enjoy sex sometimes and not even have an orgasm.


I'm referring to the fact that out of both genders women can have multiple orgasms.

I will also add:

"All women are [physiologically] capable of having multiple orgasms," says Barbara Bartlik, MD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Weill Medical College of Cornell University in New York, NY.

Not sure they tested all women 

I never said anything about not enjoying sex without one or multiple, so please put your sarcasm aside.


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## mablenc

ScarletBegonias said:


> once or twice a WEEK???
> 
> This would be me:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This past week we couldn't do it all week.I nearly died.


:iagree:
I totally can relate. We had to share a room with my sibling and son on our recent trip.


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## HangingVine

mablenc said:


> I'm referring to the fact that out of both genders women can have multiple orgasms.
> 
> I will also add:
> 
> "All women are [physiologically] capable of having multiple orgasms," says Barbara Bartlik, MD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Weill Medical College of Cornell University in New York, NY.
> 
> Not sure they tested all women
> 
> I never said anything about not enjoying sex without one or multiple, so please put your sarcasm aside.



Can Men Have Multiple Orgasms?


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## HangingVine

I was pointing out regardless of capability of orgasm does not equate to HD. There is more involved in sexual desire than mere physiological capabilities to have an orgasm.

So saying "women" are capable of multiple orgasm so why aren't they high drive leaves a lot out for me.Including if its only about ability to orgasm we can achieve that solo.



> I never said anything about not enjoying sex without one or multiple, so please put your sarcasm aside.


I'm not being sarcastic.If desire for sex should be based on orgasm then we would never desire sex knowing we may not have an orgasm. Only 25% of women have one orgasm every time she has sex.So all the talk of "multi" is sort of moot as to desire for sex.


----------



## southbound

Faithful Wife said:


> I am HD and so are most of my friends. I think we tend to end up being friends with people who are similar, so it doesn't surprise me that your LD wife has LD friends, just like I am HD and have HD friends..


I think you're right. When my x wife was HD, and when we had discussions, she always liked pointing out her friends from work who didn't think sex was a big deal, and her sister who was satisfied with once every four or five months.


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## SimplyAmorous

HangingVine said:


> Can Men Have Multiple Orgasms?


My husband has been doing this since we met......he always felt AWFUL if he slipped before me.... he never read anything...to teach him this....just practice...(not many failures I might add)...I used to think it was AMAZING how we always went together in the past (I knew so little about men & sex )...he was just managing this "control"..hanging on till I got mine....

I can always tell when I am pushing him close to the edge though ....I can see the euphoria on his face while he is experiencing these ..that I better slow it down....he's had up to 10 in a session , I always feel these our out HOT romps....where he is getting these... 

It's about being on the VERGE ...riding those waves...then he goes over the waterfall WITH ME. 



> The good news is that men can, do, and have had multiple orgasms for thousands of years. Taoist teachings on sexuality that go back farther than that give explicit instruction for men on how they can experience multiple orgasms.
> 
> The sort-of bad news? Learning to have multiple orgasms takes a fair bit of time and practice. *Also, multiple orgasms means that you are having a series of non-ejaculatory orgasms*, so while they aren’t necessarily better or worse, they are definitely different than the kind of orgasms you may be used to experiencing.
> 
> The more good news? Learning to have multiple orgasms means you will also be learning to control ejaculation, and you will learn a lot about your own sexual response, which is great news regardless of the final outcome.
> 
> In the case of male multiple orgasms,* there is a belief that ejaculation is an experience that depletes energy, and in order to build on your inner energy, you can have orgasms without ejaculating. Learning how to have male multiple orgasms also means that you can have several orgasms in a row.*


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## Created2Write

Faithful Wife said:


> I am HD and so are most of my friends. I think we tend to end up being friends with people who are similar, so it doesn't surprise me that your LD wife has LD friends, just like I am HD and have HD friends.
> 
> HOWEVER....none of this matters because you are not going to be able to show your wife a list of HD women and say "see, you should want to have more sex more often".
> 
> It literally doesn't matter what sex drive any woman other than your wife has.


:iagree:


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## Created2Write

HangingVine said:


> Ha ha! Once or twice a week is not LD.Thats "average".People think in terms of LD, HD based on their own drive. Desiring sex once or twice a week ifs far from "low drive".What is the world coming to?


Average yes, but that's based on surveys of many hundreds, if not thousands, of couples, and then finding the average between them all. Once or twice a week very well could be low based on the individual relationships, especially if they're coming from a time when they had sex five+ times a week. That can be very low drive indeed.


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## Created2Write

HangingVine said:


> Low drive is a medical term like low "thyroid" ..desiring sex once or twice a week is not "low drive".


Maybe not to you. But for someone who desires sex every day, or twice a day, it certainly _is_.



> Its not always "high or low" there is a "norm".Just because someone has "hyper drive" doesn't make a normal drive person "low".


But see, this is why sexual drives are so difficult to compare. A person who desires sex 10+ times a week isn't abnormal, as long as there aren't medical reasons for it. A person who desires sex everyday isn't abnormal. A person who desires sex once or twice a week isn't abnormal. And as long as there aren't medical reasons for it, a person who doesn't desire sex at all isn't abnormal. 

You can't define everyone elses drives based on your idea of normal. For you, twice a week may not seem like LD. For others, it absolutely can be. 



> If I want to have sex 3 times a day and my husband is happy with once a day according to your "gauge" I can call him "low drive".That's ridiculous.


No it's not. In comparison _to you_, yes he would be LD. But in comparison to someone else, he might be very HD. It goes off of the individual basis, not the general.



> There is a "standard".Wanting to have sex once a day is NOT LD..but based on what you say I can say it is.....


Yes, so long as you're comparing it to someone who desires sex more than once every day. 



> Desiring sex once or twice a week is not "low drive"..Period.


You don't get to define what is LD for others. Only for yourself.

I'm HD in comparison to most, if not all, of my friends. But yet I'm also the LD partner of my relationship. My husband could take it once a day at least, while I'm good with four to five times a week. I certainly don't think I'm LD, but in comparison to my husband I am. And yet in comparison to my friends, I'm HD.


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## Suspecting

Sex drive could be compared to eating. Some people have bigger appetite than others. A big/heavy person eats more than a small/light person yet both are eating normally in proportion to their size/weight.


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## Lyris

I think low drive and high drive can be objective descriptors. If the average number of times people have sex per week is twice, which is what I've usually read as being so, then desiring significantly less than that is low drive, and significantly more than that is high drive. 

Within a relationship, it's better to use the comparative terms higher drive and lower drive.


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## mablenc

HangingVine said:


> I'm not being sarcastic.If desire for sex should be based on orgasm then we would never desire sex knowing we may not have an orgasm. Only 25% of women have one orgasm every time she has sex.So all the talk of "multi" is sort of moot as to desire for sex.


I guess I misinterpret this comment as sarcasm:
"Women can also thoroughly enjoy sex sometimes and not even have an orgasm. "

I for one feel that my HD is based on yes my disire for my husband but the fact that I can have muli makes it more gratifying. And no it's not the same as masturbating. It's the love shared between us, which is why love making is an appropriate term. HD does not mean being horny all day and only seeking sexual gratification. It means enjoying sex and often with that special person who knows you and shares the connection.


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## Suspecting

Lyris said:


> I think low drive and high drive can be objective descriptors. If the average number of times people have sex per week is twice, which is what I've usually read as being so, then desiring significantly less than that is low drive, and significantly more than that is high drive.
> 
> Within a relationship, it's better to use the comparative terms higher drive and lower drive.


The problem with that is according to who two times a week is average? Since we are talking about sex which is common to all humans all around the world. I just think you can't put an average number to sex since it's subjective, just like appetite.


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## kilgore

this whole thread seems designed to stress people out needlessly. if you are satisfied with how often you have sex/make love/f***, great. if not, not. calling it this or that makes no difference.


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## turnera

Biologically speaking the man has the higher drive, typically. 

The REAL issue here is that women are much more likely to need to be in a GOOD relationship to be HD. Typically, men have sex to feel a connection; women have to have a connection to want to have sex.

If you want more, I suggest you educate yourself about how to keep your marriage strong. 

Start with reading His Needs Her Needs.


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## Bobby5000

Agreed. Notice that if a women is widowed, she may never remarry and a good number don't have relations again. In contrast, that is very rare with a man. 

The only exception to your wife's theory is that a number of women are high desire when they are looking to have their first child. 

There are exceptions and people have different views, but I agree your wife accurately stated the average. Note, women's sexual desire has decreased in recent years as they are working and have more responsibilities which decreases desire while that change has had little impact upon men. Indeed the availability of more drugs has restored functioning for many older men. Additionally, women have gotten heavier while the ideal for a woman has become thinner, and the discrepancy between the ideal woman and the average woman has increased creating self-esteem issues.


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## southbound

Created2Write said:


> But see, this is why sexual drives are so difficult to compare. A person who desires sex 10+ times a week isn't abnormal, as long as there aren't medical reasons for it. A person who desires sex everyday isn't abnormal. A person who desires sex once or twice a week isn't abnormal. And as long as there aren't medical reasons for it, a person who doesn't desire sex at all isn't abnormal. .


This is apparently true. In the study of sex over the years, it appears everyone is normal; therefore, we can't say how often an average person would want sex. If a couple is both satisfied with sex once a year and their marriage is great otherwise, then I suppose there is nothing more to discuss.

Even though one can't give a normal average or determine someone abnormal, can't we look at the logical side and determine whether one's desires are reasonable?

Let's say two people are in love, married, healthy, and lead an average lifestyle of jobs, paying bills, etc. If one spouse wants sex 10 times a day, is that a reasonable expectation for the other person? What about once a year? Should the average person be expected to be ok with having sex only once a year with their spouse? What about once a week? 

Two people probably won't ever be on the exact same page, but what is reasonable? Just because we label everyone's drive as normal doesn't mean it isn't unreasonable.


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## SimplyAmorous

southbound said:


> Let's say two people are in love, married, healthy, and lead an average lifestyle of jobs, paying bills, etc. *If one spouse wants sex 10 times a day, is that a reasonable expectation for the other person? * What about once a year? Should the average person be expected to be ok with having sex only once a year with their spouse? What about once a week?
> 
> Two people probably won't ever be on the exact same page, but what is reasonable? Just because we label everyone's drive as normal doesn't mean it isn't unreasonable.


I can tell you this... when I wanted it* 3 X a day*... I was BEING *UNREASONABLE* towards my husband who struggled to keep up with that at age 45... I was praising Viagra during that time though.. sure came in [email protected]#$ ...He was a real sport... 

The guys at his work were joking I was smashing it in his oatmeal.. he kinda slipped a little too much info -how I was attacking him when he got home...ha ha... but he always grinned telling those stories of course .... 

I had to calm my jets / compromise and deal with only getting it *ONCE A DAY* during that crazy phase of mine....it finally let go.. then we were perfectly in sync ...probably for the 1st time in our lives.. though I'd say my libido NOW is what it always was for those 1st 19 yrs.... 

I just didn't realize it's fullness or dig deep to freely express it as It should have been all along..... So the whole experience with HD (even if it seemed like an addiction at the time)...was a huge blessing to our marriage / this unabashed opening up before each other -it was new / invigorating/ like a dopamine rush.... 

Also leading me to these forums, reading endless books and writing my heart on various issues of sexuality...and well many other things too!


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## larry.gray

Nothing wrong with 3X per day! I would consider that about the limit with kids at home. Pre-kid 4-5 was possible... maybe again when we're empty nesters?


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## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> I can tell you this... when I wanted it* 3 X a day*... I was BEING *UNREASONABLE* towards my husband who struggled to keep up with that at age 45... I was praising Viagra during that time though.. sure came in [email protected]#$ ...He was a real sport...
> 
> The guys at his work were joking I was smashing it in his oatmeal.. he kinda slipped a little too much info -how I was attacking him when he got home...ha ha... but he always grinned telling those stories of course ....
> 
> I had to calm my jets / compromise and deal with only getting it *ONCE A DAY* during that crazy phase of mine....it finally let go.. then we were perfectly in sync ...probably for the 1st time in our lives.. though I'd say my libido NOW is what it always was for those 1st 19 yrs....
> 
> I just didn't realize it's fullness or dig deep to freely express it as It should have been all along..... So the whole experience with HD (even if it seemed like an addiction at the time)...was a huge blessing to our marriage / this unabashed opening up before each other -it was new / invigorating/ like a dopamine rush....
> 
> Also leading me to these forums, reading endless books and writing my heart on various issues of sexuality...and well many other things too!


Great example. When you wanted it 3x a day, that didn't mean you were abnormal, but you realize now it was unreasonable. I think that is the question people should ask when confronted with a drive difference in a relationship. Are my expectations reasonable or unreasonable?


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## Suspecting

Hmm 3x a day? I'd do it. Though it would need some planning probably. Once in the morning, once in the evening and once at lunch in the stall in the public ladies' room?


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## ChargingCharlie

I'll speak to what I know - my wife is totally LD. Her one close friend is very HD, but the rest of her female friends that I can think of are all LD (based on what I hear). One was at our house a couple of weeks back and said she would be happy to go the rest of her life without sex (I think my wife feels the same way, but won't come out and say it to me).

As for my guy friends and their wives, all complain that their wives won't give them much, if any (again, it could be that they expect 1X/day, and they get 2X/week, I don't know for sure).


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## DesertRat1978

My wife has virtually no sex drive. I do think that it is unreasonable. It has been 3 months since the last time and before that it was once or twice a month. I do not compare her with other women because sexuality is a complex issue. However, upon being on forums like this and others I have detected that if the relationship is emotionally sound that most healthy women can keep up with men.


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## Married but Happy

Most of the women I dated after my ex (who was LD) were at least average (e.g., happy with about 3x/week), and several were HD and wanting sex daily or more. Of course, I was specifically selecting for HD women and if there were signs a date wasn't at least on the high end of average, I'd stop seeing her. After so many unhappy years, I wasn't willing to repeat.

Most women are average, and smaller numbers are LD or HD. Circumstances may affect frequency, but mostly to the downside.


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## ChargingCharlie

tyler1978 said:


> My wife has virtually no sex drive. I do think that it is unreasonable. It has been 3 months since the last time and before that it was once or twice a month. I do not compare her with other women because sexuality is a complex issue. However, upon being on forums like this and others I have detected that if the relationship is emotionally sound that most healthy women can keep up with men.


I feel for you, and I agree with you about the soundness of the relationship. Also agree that sexuality is a complicated issue (that's why I take what my guy friends say about their sex lives with a grain of salt). All I know is that we've had sex once this year, and unless the earth pulls out of the sun's orbit, chances are the next one won't be for a while.


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## ChargingCharlie

Married but Happy said:


> Most of the women I dated after my ex (who was LD) were at least average (e.g., happy with about 3x/week), and several were HD and wanting sex daily or more. Of course, I was specifically selecting for HD women and if there were signs a date wasn't at least on the high end of average, I'd stop seeing her. After so many unhappy years, I wasn't willing to repeat.
> 
> Most women are average, and smaller numbers are LD or HD. Circumstances may affect frequency, but mostly to the downside.


My wife's one very close friend is in her late 30's, and very HD. She and her husband probably have sex over 300 times/year (no joke). She wants it all the time. It's a running joke with my wife, but I don't find it funny. The friend thinks we're nuts for never having sex, but my wife just goes on with her excuses. I'll say this (hoping that this never happens) - if anything ever happened to our spouses, I'd hook up with her in a second. Fairly attractive woman (not gorgeous, but above average), and for a woman that's had some major health issues, it hasn't affected her sex drive at all.


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## EleGirl

"The study surveyed 32,000 women aged 18 to older than 100 from across the U.S. In addition to asking standardized questions about their sexual health, the survey also measured the women’s distress related to their sex lives — including feelings of anger, guilt, frustration, and worry.

Forty-three percent of respondents reported some level of sexual dysfunction — 39 percent reported low levels of desire, 26 percent had problems with arousal and 21 percent had difficulties with orgasm."

Other studies that I have read say that about 40% of women have some LD periods in their lifetime. These generally have to do with pregnancy and child rearing.

So the two studies I've seen on this topic seem to agree.

Other than the 40% who have some LD issues at some time in their lifetime, it seems that most women have pretty normal sex drives most of their lives. 

No one, not even men, have steady sex drives that are the same all their lives. It fluctuates in most people depending on what is going on with their health and their lives.

I've always been HD, daily kind of HD. But when I was going through a very bad pregnancy, I'm talking vomiting several times a day through the entire pregnancy, sex was not on the top of my list.. obviously.


Here is no definition for what high drive means, so there really is no study that I've been able to find that says what % of women are high drive.


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## Thewife

EleGirl said:


> "
> 
> No one, not even men, have steady sex drives that are the same all their lives. It fluctuates in most people depending on what is going on with their health and their lives.
> 
> I've always been HD, daily kind of HD. But when I was going through a very bad pregnancy, I'm talking vomiting several times a day through the entire pregnancy, sex was not on the top of my list.. obviously.
> 
> 
> Here is no definition for what high drive means, so there really is no study that I've been able to find that says what % of women are high drive.


:iagree:
We are married for 15 years and drive changes and fluctuates depending on whats going on in our life. 

We used to want and do it multiple times a day during the first few years of marriage, then dropped to once a day and now a few times a week depends on other commitments and how tired we are. The drive is there but other factors contribute to not able to do it some times. 

In addition, age is also a factor? I don't know! But it seems to be the case for us. I am 37 and my drive is higher now than when I got married at 22. On the contrary, my H had higher drive after marriage at the age of 30 and is now not able to go on as long as before at the age of 45. 

And when I was pregnant I wouldn't let him any where near me.

I feel that attraction, emotional connection, age, health conditions and other commitments play a part in deciding whether a person is HD or LD within a relationship. 

I believe that if we can have a give and take attitude towards our relationship such differences can be balanced and lead a satisfying sexual life? Well that's my view


----------



## Caribbean Man

EleGirl said:


> "The study surveyed 32,000 women aged 18 to older than 100 from across the U.S. In addition to asking standardized questions about their sexual health, the survey also measured the women’s distress related to their sex lives — including feelings of anger, guilt, frustration, and worry.
> 
> Forty-three percent of respondents reported some level of sexual dysfunction — 39 percent reported low levels of desire, 26 percent had problems with arousal and 21 percent had difficulties with orgasm."
> 
> Other studies that I have read say that about 40% of women have some LD periods in their lifetime. These generally have to do with pregnancy and child rearing.
> 
> So the two studies I've seen on this topic seem to agree.
> 
> Other than the 40% who have some LD issues at some time in their lifetime, it seems that most women have pretty normal sex drives most of their lives.
> 
> No one, not even men, have steady sex drives that are the same all their lives. It fluctuates in most people depending on what is going on with their health and their lives.
> 
> I've always been HD, daily kind of HD. But when I was going through a very bad pregnancy, I'm talking vomiting several times a day through the entire pregnancy, sex was not on the top of my list.. obviously.
> 
> 
> Here is no definition for what high drive means, so there really is no study that I've been able to find that says what % of women are high drive.


:iagree:

The frequency of our sex drives fluctuates from high to average based on the general ebb and flow issues in our daily lives cycles.
At this point it is high for my wife, and I respond, but I don't constantly have that overwhelming urge for sexual release.
I can and will respond to her needs, and I initiate, but I don't see myself as " oh I'm going to die if we don't have sex tonight." lol. 
Maybe it's because of the fact that sex has always been right there in our relationship. Never had to bargain for it , neither of us had to beg each other. It is just understood.

But I sometimes wonder what exactly defines HD and LD?

For instance does HD mean an overwhelming desire for constant sexual release in spite of whatever circumstances emotional and otherwise exist in the relationship?
Or does it mean that the drive responds exponentially to positive stimuli in a relationship?

The idea is confusing to me at times.
Maybe the entire concept is just a layman's method , of establishing a datum , to determine whether couples have a problem or not, based on general averages.

I think too, that a person's health might also have something to do with it.


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## SimplyAmorous

Thewife said:


> *We used to want and do it multiple times a day during the first few years of marriage*, then dropped to once a day and now a few times a week depends on other commitments and how tired we are. The drive is there but other factors contribute to not able to do it some times.





> *And when I was pregnant I wouldn't let him any where near me.*


 I was totally backwards from your experience....when we married, got pregnant real fast....Plus he couldn't get it in - crazy story we have! So no "bunny rabbit" phase....bummer. 

And with every pregnancy....I had a higher drive than ever, even thinking I was wearing him out (which I wasn't) but since we didn't talk about ....I took care of myself in the middle of the night many times thinking he wouldn't want woke up.... It was all that testosterone I was carrying I guess... 



> I feel that attraction, emotional connection, age, health conditions and other commitments play a part in deciding whether a person is HD or LD within a relationship.


 VERY TRUE.... resentment can kill it...using hormonal birth control, some meds can greatly hamper it too. 



> *I believe that if we can have a give and take attitude towards our relationship such differences can be balanced and lead a satisfying sexual life?* Well that's my view


 We have found this to be very true... when I was *too antsy *for it.. (though he was amazing).... out of one of our little spats, I came up with this analogy...making a thread speaking of the "disparity" of our sex drives...... 

 http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...allowing-our-partner-turn-us-love-making.html


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## aston

I don't believe in HD versus LD. I believe foreplay is the key to understanding a womans drive. It starts the minute you get out of bed. How you treat your woman will determine how insanely attracted to you she will be. I've seen many couples who after living together simply stop trying and blame it on LD.

I've also seen couples that keep things alive via simple actions like text mesages during the work day, a card here, dining out, sports, riding bikes among many other things. 

Believe it or not that is part of foreplay that directly affects a womans drive. If she feels involved, loved, respected and attractive she will do anything sexually to please her man...and I mean ANYTHING! Guys on the other hand are simple to please.....feed me, *uck me, let me be a man and we're cool . IMO.


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## Faithful Wife

"Guys on the other hand are simple to please.....feed me, *uck me, let me be a man and we're cool . IMO."

We can't really paint all men with the same brush like this.

Your statement totally doesn't describe my husband.

I realize you said IMO, though.


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## PBear

Well, I would consider my SO HD, but she's my GF, not my wife. Come back and talk to me in 5 years...  But we've been seeing each other for coming up on 3 years this winter.

Examples of being HD... Besides frequency (as often as possible; daily is great), she doesn't let things stand in her way. Earlier this week, she threw her back out (shaving her p*ssy in the shower for me, as a matter of fact). She literally could barely walk. She came over to my place after work, we were laying around in bed watching TV, and I wasn't going to initiate ANYTHING, out of respect for her situation. She turns to me though, and says "Wanna watch porn and f*ck?"

Another example... She's got a brain tumor (non-cancerous) and gets headaches frequently. She's NEVER used a headache as an excuse for not having sex in the entire time we've been dating. Most times, I don't know she has one until after. I asked her about this once, and she said that sex doesn't make her headache worse, and she can often forget it while we're having sex, so why let it stop us?

I love this woman. Not just for her sexuality, but for a lot of other reasons! BTW, I do think that HD/LD are all relative terms. To me, my SO and I are balanced, so neither of us is HD or LD relatively speaking. But relative to many other people out there, we're fairly HD (at 40+ years old). I think we've had sex as many times in the last 2.5 years as I had in my entire 17 year marriage.

C


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## I'mAllIn

I have to wholeheartedly agree with the posters who say that HD and LD are relative to the other partner in the relationship. I don't think that there's a hard and fast rule as to what constitutes one or the other. I consider myself very high drive because I would have sex pretty much any time the opportunity presents itself with H, regardless of how many times we've already done it that day/week. I never say no when he initiates, and I initiate more often than he does. I also honestly feel like crap physically and mentally if I don't have sex very regularly. For me I think 4 of the 5 weeknights and a minimum of 3 times on the weekend has been perfect. 
I consider my H LerD right now because he turns me down an average of a couple of times a week, saying he's just too tired. Going close to a week without sex seems to have no ill effect on him at all, and if I don't initiate sex and leave it up to him we only have sex every 3 days or so, which puts us at 2-3 times a week instead of the 7-8 I'd prefer.
So for our marriage I'm HD and H is LD, but for those women I hear about who don't enjoy sex and only want it once a month or less my husband would seem HD. It's all relative.


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## 40isthenew20

My wife justifies her frequency by comparing it to other married people she knows. I'm not complaining; she was LD for a long time but has been much better. So I'm a happy guy. 

But I try to tell her that the comparison isn't fair. The couple she is referring to - neither of them have held up that well over time. I would like to think that my hard work and efforts have paid off and my wife is a very attractive woman. 

So perhaps this other couple do not have sex that often because neither is turned on by their partner. I am insanely horny for my wife and from what she says and her reactions, I do the job for her, too. 

My drive is way higher than hers and I can live with that. But we have something good and to say because so-and-so doesn't enjoy the same things means nothing to me.


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## Bobby5000

Responding to Aston who implies maintaining communication can turn your wife into an HD, I disagree. That can help make a happy marriage and you a happy person. But no, texting your wife and saying nice to see you, is not going to make her want to hop into bed particularly if you have a couple of kids and she works. Indeed, if she perceives that any niceness and doing things together are merely a device to try to get her into bed, you are just going to create problems in your relationship and make her unhappy. 

1-2 times a week is around the norm. A pleasant wife and one committed to a marriage will make the effort, just a good husband will be driving kids to soccer or going to his wife's work dinner.


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## samyeagar

PBear said:


> Well, I would consider my SO HD, but she's my GF, not my wife. Come back and talk to me in 5 years...  But we've been seeing each other for coming up on 3 years this winter.
> 
> Examples of being HD... Besides frequency (as often as possible; daily is great), she doesn't let things stand in her way. Earlier this week, she threw her back out (shaving her p*ssy in the shower for me, as a matter of fact). She literally could barely walk. She came over to my place after work, we were laying around in bed watching TV, and I wasn't going to initiate ANYTHING, out of respect for her situation. She turns to me though, and says "Wanna watch porn and f*ck?"
> 
> Another example... She's got a brain tumor (non-cancerous) and gets headaches frequently. She's NEVER used a headache as an excuse for not having sex in the entire time we've been dating. Most times, I don't know she has one until after. I asked her about this once, and she said that sex doesn't make her headache worse, and she can often forget it while we're having sex, so why let it stop us?
> 
> I love this woman. Not just for her sexuality, but for a lot of other reasons! BTW, I do think that HD/LD are all relative terms. To me, my SO and I are balanced, so neither of us is HD or LD relatively speaking. But relative to many other people out there, we're fairly HD (at 40+ years old). I think we've had sex as many times in the last 2.5 years as I had in my entire 17 year marriage.
> 
> C




My SO is very much the same. We have been together for about a year and a half and have sex 10-15 times a week. She is 38, I am 41. The first thing that clued me in to her truly being HD was before we started dating and talking about sex. She was very open, candid, and not at all shy about what she liked, disliked. She had a physical need for sex aside from the emotional connection. Three or so times a week for release. She continued to have sex through her shambled marriage because she needed it.

It has been very much a learning experience for me. My ex wife was the master at setting things up early in the day to take sex off the table. Talking about how tired she was, busy, headache, all that. It almost always translated out to not interested in sex. The last four years of that marriage were sexless.

My SO doesn't let anything stand in her way either. She has chronic headaches, that have gotten better since she changed her glasses prescription, but she has frequent headaches, and has never once used that as an excuse. There have been times where she is exhausted, falls asleep on the couch in the evening, then when we get into the bedroom for bed, she is ready to go. 

One specific example from a few weeks ago...we were having a discussion about my ex wife that turned into an argument. It got really late and we just went to sleep. The next day she told me what really pissed her off the most about the night before was how I just went to sleep, that she saw how late it was and even though we were in the middle of an argument, she still wanted to have sex. We had had sex earlier that day, and she still wanted it.

She had a fairly major surgery a couple of weeks ago. Before the surgery, we talked about having sex afterwards, and I suggested we plan on waiting a couple of weeks. She said she didn't want to put any arbitrary limits on when we would try, and to just take it as it comes. Well, she started initiating two days after the surgery, while still in considerable pain.

Her explanation for her drive and desire...She has always been a sexual person, but the state of our relationship, the communication, respect, love is like nothing she has ever imagined, let alone had, and it has completely blown the roof off of her sexuality.


----------



## samyeagar

johnAdams said:


> I guess I would consider my wife HD. We have been married since our teens and are now in our 50's. The first several years, multiple times a day was common. It is still very rare that we miss a day. I travel more now for my job, so that is the only time we skip. Doing it a couple of times a day is still very common. Since I have always had sex when I want it, I have always viewed that as the norm. My wife often tells me I do not know how lucky I am because none of her friends are like that.


What my STBW and I have is beginning to feel like a new norm. We have the best, most active sex life of anyone we have ever known, and both realize how lucky we are.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Sam...now that you are in this relationship, if you keep your eyes and ears open, you will see many examples of other people who have the same type of sex life.

It is something that goes a bit underground unless you know it happens and are looking for it. I used to think it was "rare" but now I realize that people with rockin' sex lives don't necessarily broadcast it...BUT...with my new Sex-dar skills, I "know" anyway.


----------



## DesertRat1978

i used to think that women were mostly of the attitude that sex kept the man happy but is otherwise forgettable. This forum and other observations has opened my yes. My wife's complete lack of interest is ever more perplexing as a result.


----------



## ChargingCharlie

Of the women that I know (most of them being my wife's friends), all but one don't seem to enjoy sex (based on what I hear). The one is very HD. The rest seem to view it as a chore. Obviously, this is a very small sample size. Of the two partners that I've had PIV sex with, my wife is ND (No Drive), and the one before her was HD (this was about a dozen years ago, when we were in our early-mid 30's).

Correction - it's two. Her sister seems to like sex based on a comment a couple of weeks ago.


----------



## soulseer

Your sex drive can only be measured in comparison to your partner. Nobody elses sex drive matters.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

ChargingCharlie said:


> Of the women that I know (most of them being my wife's friends), all but one don't seem to enjoy sex (based on what I hear). The one is very HD. The rest seem to view it as a chore. Obviously, this is a very small sample size. Of the two partners that I've had PIV sex with, my wife is ND (No Drive), and the one before her was HD (this was about a dozen years ago, when we were in our early-mid 30's).
> 
> Correction - it's two. Her sister seems to like sex based on a comment a couple of weeks ago.


All of my women were ok with frequent sex. I will say this though. On the true christian woman, a marriage brought about a raise in sexual engagement and expiramentation. In the rest, marriage or long term committment lowered it. A huntress does not have as much "juice" for the one snared.

But my sex rate with all but a couple was more than sufficient.

One turned on me, so it was zero sex, affirmations, affections for years, also coupled with bad behavior, emotional blackmaila nd abuse, etc, etc.

The other kinda embarrassed to say will do duty HJ, some BJ but no vaginal penetration. Her "duty" schedule is sufficient, but it still makes me not want to waste my life in that fashion. Guess, if I was allowed vaginal penetrations in a duty she really didn't mind doing and wasn't torturous for her I would be ok.


----------



## teasipper

Quite frankly, it depends on the husband as well and the woman's drive. It also depends a lot on health and about of rest we get. Most women are dreadfully over worked, and I don't know how they do it. Work full time, do most of the house work and child care..... Most of the men become nothing more than just another chore to take care of. That is not a recipe for romance and desire.

I have to say in every marriage where the women are really happy and having their needs met, their sex drive is good. 

My mom and aunts are happy with sex as often as their husbands can manage. My one cousin is happy that her husband is finally down to 5 times a week. (They are in their 60's.) 

I would be after it at least 4 times a week if my husband weren't a jerk. So....... a LOT depends on the state of the relationship and if sex is starting in the kitchen. (A really good book by Kevin Leman called Sex Begins in the Kitchen.)


----------



## treyvion

teasipper said:


> Quite frankly, it depends on the husband as well and the woman's drive. It also depends a lot on health and about of rest we get. Most women are dreadfully over worked, and I don't know how they do it. Work full time, do most of the house work and child care..... Most of the men become nothing more than just another chore to take care of. That is not a recipe for romance and desire.
> 
> I have to say in every marriage where the women are really happy and having their needs met, their sex drive is good.
> 
> My mom and aunts are happy with sex as often as their husbands can manage. My one cousin is happy that her husband is finally down to 5 times a week. (They are in their 60's.)
> 
> I would be after it at least 4 times a week if my husband weren't a jerk. So....... a LOT depends on the state of the relationship and if sex is starting in the kitchen. (A really good book by Kevin Leman called Sex Begins in the Kitchen.)


Something about the family that allows that to happen. Other family and power view points good treatment would lead to a drop in sexual lust and activity.

However on a true loving relationship, good treatment feeds the love banks which can improve the level and depth of feeling to the maritial partner.


----------



## teasipper

mablenc said:


> I'm referring to the fact that out of both genders women can have multiple orgasms.
> 
> I will also add:
> 
> "All women are [physiologically] capable of having multiple orgasms," says Barbara Bartlik, MD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Weill Medical College of Cornell University in New York, NY.
> 
> Not sure they tested all women
> 
> I never said anything about not enjoying sex without one or multiple, so please put your sarcasm aside.



Actually you can give a man multiples too. Just use the premature ejaculation prevention technique until the urge to ejaculates passed and reapply as needed!


----------



## teasipper

treyvion said:


> Something about the family that allows that to happen. Other family and power view points good treatment would lead to a drop in sexual lust and activity.
> 
> However on a true loving relationship, good treatment feeds the love banks which can improve the level and depth of feeling to the maritial partner.




That's probably a lot of it. Most of my family is happily married, and they are a farm family, where sex is just a part of life.


----------



## treyvion

teasipper said:


> That's probably a lot of it. Most of my family is happily married, and they are a farm family, where sex is just a part of life.


Some happy "good" people it sounds like. Great marriages. I'm sure they look at the ways of the world and wonder why people bring all this crap on themselves.


----------



## TiggyBlue

SimplyAmorous said:


> And with every pregnancy....I had a higher drive than ever, even thinking I was wearing him out (which I wasn't) but since we didn't talk about ....I took care of myself in the middle of the night many times thinking he wouldn't want woke up.... It was all that testosterone I was carrying I guess...


It's the peak in estrogen and progesterone increase that causes a lot of women's sex drive to increase in pregnancy , 
my sex drive caused me a whole lot of problems during pregnancy


----------



## samyeagar

Lord help me when my STBW hits her peak in a few years...


----------



## turnera

ChargingCharlie said:


> Of the women that I know (most of them being my wife's friends), all but one don't seem to enjoy sex (based on what I hear). The one is very HD. The rest seem to view it as a chore. Obviously, this is a very small sample size. Of the two partners that I've had PIV sex with, my wife is ND (No Drive), and the one before her was HD (this was about a dozen years ago, when we were in our early-mid 30's).
> 
> Correction - it's two. Her sister seems to like sex based on a comment a couple of weeks ago.


I'll bet you dollars those women who don't want it any more, they do 75% of all the housework, kidwork, homework, doctor visits, etc. I'll also bet you the husbands stopped 'dating' their wives and no longer do the things that attracted the women to them when they were dating.


----------



## treyvion

turnera said:


> I'll bet you dollars those women who don't want it any more, they do 75% of all the housework, kidwork, homework, doctor visits, etc. I'll also bet you the husbands stopped 'dating' their wives and no longer do the things that attracted the women to them when they were dating.


According to the Athol Kay viewpoint, a male who is more domesticated and helps out more and is nicer and more available to his wife, will get less sex due to a decrease in sexual attraction.


----------



## northernlights

:iagree:

I used to want sex multiple times a day. Now, I work full-time, do ALL of the housework, cooking, and cleaning, and all of the childcare. And, my H doesn't give a rat's a$$ about even my basic needs (sleep? shouldn't I be able to do everything on 4 hours per night? Oh, i'm sick? Well tough sh!t for me, he'll go somewhere else for dinner and once he's fed, that's all that matters). Now we almost never have sex. I can only tolerate it when I'm really drunk.


----------



## DesertRat1978

northernlights said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I used to want sex multiple times a day. Now, I work full-time, do ALL of the housework, cooking, and cleaning, and all of the childcare. And, my H doesn't give a rat's a$$ about even my basic needs (sleep? shouldn't I be able to do everything on 4 hours per night? Oh, i'm sick? Well tough sh!t for me, he'll go somewhere else for dinner and once he's fed, that's all that matters). Now we almost never have sex. I can only tolerate it when I'm really drunk.


Quite understandable. Sounds like he coasted by in the past and can't accept that he should be a partner and not just a f-buddy. I do most of the housework, shopping, and maintenance on the house. I do it mostly out of respect. Her job is more stressful than mine. Additionally, I simply have more energy than her so why not use it? In the beginning, I was hoping that if I did this that I would get laid more than once a month and that has not happened. However, beyond that it is satisfying to know that I am being a good partner.

If he would do more of the housework, would that help you be in the mood more often?

I have a few colleagues/friends where I sense this dynamic happening. She works all day but still has to come home and do the housework and make the everyday life stuff happen. I could not "mooch" off my wife like that.


----------



## ChargingCharlie

turnera said:


> I'll bet you dollars those women who don't want it any more, they do 75% of all the housework, kidwork, homework, doctor visits, etc. I'll also bet you the husbands stopped 'dating' their wives and no longer do the things that attracted the women to them when they were dating.


I know for a fact that's the case for one of them. She's the one running to the kids' events, etc., and he's out doing his stuff. If she said she hasn't had sex in five years, I'd be surprised it's not ten years. It's a shame, as she's an attractive woman (and very nice) and he just takes her for granted (more than one person has wondered what she sees in him, but they've been married over 20 years).

It goes both ways, as well. Listening to my wife talk like an adolescent does not turn me on, nor does her constant swearing, nagging me about little stuff, etc. However, I do help with the kids a lot (especially by letting her go do things with her friends while I babysit), and I don't mind (I even like it better when it's just the kids and me, as it's much less stressful when the wife isn't around).


----------



## working_together

I'm wondering how many LD people are actually suffering from medical issues? I'm thinking not a whole lot, I think it really depends on the nature of the relationship. If the woman is doing all the work in the home and out of the home, she would be exhausted most of the time, unless she had tons of energy and was young. Then there's not being happy in the relationship in general, people taking each other for granted.

There were times with my exh where I wasn't in the mood, and it was usually because I was angry with him. The most we'd go was a couple of weeks I think. But, the resenment grows as time goes on, and eventually the other person can become repulsive to their spouse.

I consider myself "average", maybe slightly above, nothing super crazy, I'm happy with 3 times a week. I focus more on the quality, I refuse to have bad sex, or do duty sex, I put my all into every encounter, or I'll wait until the next day or "make my man happy" in other ways. My SO are matched very well. Whether a person is HD, LD, or AD, it's great when both partners have the same drive, no pressure, no stress, and both are content with the frequency.


----------



## northernlights

tyler1978 said:


> Sounds like he coasted by in the past and can't accept that he should be a partner and not just a f-buddy.


Yeah, I think this is a lot my fault. In the beginning, I was totally happy to do it all. A youthful ego thing I guess, I wanted to prove that I didn't need help from anyone and I could do it all myself. That crashed and burned in a spectacular fashion when I had a daughter who didn't sleep more than 3 hours a stretch until she was 4. (that's years old). I definitely let things get really bad before I could admit to myself that I needed help. But then when I did, and I cried and begged him for help, he just... didn't. He didn't do a thing, didn't help, just turned his back on me. It felt like a betrayal, and I didn't take it well. (I'm a scorpio, it's in my nature.  )

I'm sorry things aren't better for you. Mismatched sex drives are such a sad source of unhappiness.


----------



## Faithful Wife

trey said: "According to the Athol Kay viewpoint, a male who is more domesticated and helps out more and is nicer and more available to his wife, will get less sex due to a decrease in sexual attraction."

Crap like that is why I think that book is nonsense.

My husband is a clean freak, cleans much MORE than I do (and is much better at it), and he's sexy as hell while he's doing it. He's always been a clean freak and has always gotten laid like tile.


----------



## DesertRat1978

northernlights said:


> Yeah, I think this is a lot my fault. In the beginning, I was totally happy to do it all. A youthful ego thing I guess, I wanted to prove that I didn't need help from anyone and I could do it all myself. That crashed and burned in a spectacular fashion when I had a daughter who didn't sleep more than 3 hours a stretch until she was 4. (that's years old). I definitely let things get really bad before I could admit to myself that I needed help. But then when I did, and I cried and begged him for help, he just... didn't. He didn't do a thing, didn't help, just turned his back on me. It felt like a betrayal, and I didn't take it well. (I'm a scorpio, it's in my nature.  )
> 
> I'm sorry things aren't better for you. Mismatched sex drives are such a sad source of unhappiness.


The fact that you have to beg and plead is not a good sign. I can pick up on things with the wife and I will try to resolve it without a word being said. One quick example is lunches. I have lunches for both of us prepped as soon as I get home. He should not have to be told. Your well being should be just as important as his. And not just because if you are not tired then he can get laid. This may be idealistic on my part but I sense that he needs to work on not being so self-centered and/or lazy.


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## northernlights

I wouldn't even care if it was just a matter of him not anticipating my needs (though, it certainly would be nice if he had!). It's when I say, kindly and without blame or nagging, that I need something and he doesn't do it that kills me. 

He's really self-centered, our marriage counselor picked up on it right away. She said he could be helped, but it would take a few years of IC. He passed. Anyway, that's how our sex life got where it is.


----------



## turnera

ChargingCharlie said:


> It goes both ways, as well. Listening to my wife talk like an adolescent does not turn me on, nor does her constant swearing, nagging me about little stuff, etc. However, I do help with the kids a lot (especially by letting her go do things with her friends while I babysit), and I don't mind (I even like it better when it's just the kids and me, as it's much less stressful when the wife isn't around).


You say you 'help' with the kids so she can leave the house. Do you also do 50% of the housework (assuming she works outside the home)? Does she get to spend as much downtime as you do when you both get home? Who gets up to answer the phone or the door? Who gives the kids baths? Reads them to sleep? Does the dishes after dinner? Shops for food and clothes and medicine? Gets the kids ready in the morning?

IME, this is the #1 way women stop wanting sex - having to take care of nearly all the family stuff while the man still expects her to be raring to go in bed, when she's 'done.'


----------



## turnera

I always know when DH wants to have sex that night. He cleans up. He learned a long time ago that if I had 20 chores to complete before going to bed (while he sits on the couch watching tv or on his computer), there's no WAY I'd have enough energy left to have sex.


----------



## DesertRat1978

northernlights said:


> I wouldn't even care if it was just a matter of him not anticipating my needs (though, it certainly would be nice if he had!). It's when I say, kindly and without blame or nagging, that I need something and he doesn't do it that kills me.
> 
> He's really self-centered, our marriage counselor picked up on it right away. She said he could be helped, but it would take a few years of IC. He passed. Anyway, that's how our sex life got where it is.


I have lived alone before and so am no stranger to doing basic housework. When it came time to being married, I did not view it as a vacation. I knew that a clean stove and dishes do not do themselves. If I wanted the place to look nice and smell nice then I had to do more than just want it to be done. 

Anyways, I can understand why your sex life would diminish. Housework can be an exhausting ordeal if there is enough of it. When viewed task by task, it seems trivial but having kids, owning a home, owning a car brings lots of little tasks that when viewed as a whole can be daunting.

Overall, i think that more women would have increased sex drive if they did not have to work the second job at home.


----------



## turnera

tyler1978 said:


> Overall, i think that more women would have increased sex drive if they did not have to work the second job at home.


BINGO! I just don't understand why men find this so hard to understand. Why is it the WOMEN have to go around the house making sure everything is taken care of? I get it when the wife was a SAHM. If I was a SAH, my house would be S.P.O.T.L.E.S.S. and perfect. But since I work, I would be happy if my DH would do even *20% *of the work to keep it going. And I'd have a much higher sex drive, with him having not disappointed me so much in expecting me to be his wife, mother, maid, and secretary. While I get little in return. Hard to see THAT man as sexy.


----------



## DesertRat1978

turnera said:


> BINGO! I just don't understand why men find this so hard to understand. Why is it the WOMEN have to go around the house making sure everything is taken care of? I get it when the wife was a SAHM. If I was a SAH, my house would be S.P.O.T.L.E.S.S. and perfect. But since I work, I would be happy if my DH would do even *20% *of the work to keep it going. And I'd have a much higher sex drive, with him having not disappointed me so much in expecting me to be his wife, mother, maid, and secretary. While I get little in return. Hard to see THAT man as sexy.


I have belabored my situation enough and pardon my lack of prior knowledge about yours.

What reason does your husband give for his lack of effort towards housework, kids, etc?


----------



## turnera

Well, to start off with, we married when I was 21 and didn't know any better. His mother was living with him/us. She moved out 3 or 4 years later, and it never occurred to me that she had been going around behind him picking up his clothes, trash, dirty dishes. Once she moved out, the house fell apart - all HIS mess. Being raised to believe it's the woman's job (I'm that old), I just tried to pick up the slack. So 35 years later, it's really really hard to get him to see that that old-fashioned belief doesn't work any more, that I EXPECT help. 

The ONLY thing that has changed his attitude is making sure he understands that, if he wants sex, there had better not be a dozen chores left at 10pm or he's not getting any.

Unfortunately, it doeesn't change his inherent belief that it's the woman's place to do it all.


----------



## DesertRat1978

turnera said:


> Well, to start off with, we married when I was 21 and didn't know any better. His mother was living with him/us. She moved out 3 or 4 years later, and it never occurred to me that she had been going around behind him picking up his clothes, trash, dirty dishes. Once she moved out, the house fell apart - all HIS mess. Being raised to believe it's the woman's job (I'm that old), I just tried to pick up the slack. So 35 years later, it's really really hard to get him to see that that old-fashioned belief doesn't work any more, that I EXPECT help.
> 
> The ONLY thing that has changed his attitude is making sure he understands that, if he wants sex, there had better not be a dozen chores left at 10pm or he's not getting any.
> 
> Unfortunately, it doeesn't change his inherent belief that it's the woman's place to do it all.


that explains a lot. Well, at least you stand up for yourself. I can't respect a woman that lets herself get walked all over.


----------



## treyvion

40isthenew20 said:


> My wife justifies her frequency by comparing it to other married people she knows. I'm not complaining; she was LD for a long time but has been much better. So I'm a happy guy.
> 
> But I try to tell her that the comparison isn't fair. The couple she is referring to - neither of them have held up that well over time. I would like to think that my hard work and efforts have paid off and my wife is a very attractive woman.
> 
> So perhaps this other couple do not have sex that often because neither is turned on by their partner. I am insanely horny for my wife and from what she says and her reactions, I do the job for her, too.
> 
> My drive is way higher than hers and I can live with that. But we have something good and to say because so-and-so doesn't enjoy the same things means nothing to me.


Why or how has she corrected herself? Did you tighten up your physique before or after her coming out of LD-land?


----------



## Jellybeans

I think about it every day.

Damn I need to get laid. Badly.


----------



## treyvion

Jellybeans said:


> I think about it every day.
> 
> Damn I need to get laid. Badly.


It's sometimes as simple as this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ScarletBegonias

I was careful not to eat wedding cake after the marriage ceremony on Monday...so far so good,I still have the same drive I've had the entire relationship.


----------



## Jellybeans

You got married, Scarlet?


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## Jellybeans

treyvion said:


> It's sometimes as simple as this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What do you mean? What is simple?


----------



## treyvion

Jellybeans said:


> What do you mean? What is simple?


What's simple is getting laid will make a whole world of difference in your life. If you have a spouse who chooses to not perform or has an ever changing list of unrealistic expectatations you can simply accept its going to happen with someone other than them. It's not too hard to just get laid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias

Jellybeans said:


> You got married, Scarlet?


yup,we did it Monday afternoon in a civil ceremony


----------



## turnera

> It's not too hard to just get laid


It is if you're disappointing the person you want to do it with.


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## turnera

Congrats, Scarlet!


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Thanks a lot! He's a really great man so I had to put a ring on it LOL


----------



## Chaotic

I didn't read every single reply on this post, so I don't know if someone else already said this, but with the female cyclical hormones, some women can go from LD to HD and back again depending on where they're at in their cycle. I know I can go a week or so barely even thinking about sex, and then the next week I might want it twice a day. I can't imagine I'm the only woman like that out here...


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Chaotic said:


> I didn't read every single reply on this post, so I don't know if someone else already said this, but with the female cyclical hormones, some women can go from LD to HD and back again depending on where they're at in their cycle. I know I can go a week or so barely even thinking about sex, and then the next week I might want it twice a day. I can't imagine I'm the only woman like that out here...


I have about 3 days at the end of every month where my emotions and hormones go all wonky on me. It takes longer for me to get turned on and takes longer for me to be ready for sexy stuff. 
DH noticed it a few months back and questioned if I noticed the same pattern.I hadn't noticed but once I started keeping track of it,it's pretty consistent.


----------



## treyvion

turnera said:


> It is if you're disappointing the person you want to do it with.


With this HD/LD scenario, when they say your not going to get that hockey puck in the goal, your not going to cross the touchdown line, your not going to sink a basket, their is nothing you can do about it. You can literally put a gun to their head and still nothing.

Do you really want to grind out the rest of your years like this?


----------



## Jellybeans

ScarletBegonias said:


> yup,we did it Monday afternoon in a civil ceremony


Congrats, lady!  Very exciting.


Trey--yes, getting laid WOULD probably make me feel better and less antsy. Hahahaha.


----------



## DesertRat1978

Back to the topic, 

HD vs. LD in women is not a binary operation. Those qualities are the result of many other interactions. Not that men are binary either but there are usually fewer factors to consider. This is a bit of preaching to the choir, I realize. In the case of LD wife and HD husband, the puzzle can be hard to solve. The pieces are not always visible and even when they are, they keep moving and changing shape.


----------



## turnera

They do. Women need an emotional connection to want to have sex, typically. They marry a man thinking he will continue to be as emotionally available upon marriage as he is when dating, when he is on his best behavior (as is she). When things settle down, the PEA/lust chemical fades, he starts taking her housework and cooking and such for granted, and minute disappointments start showing up, the emotional connection gets lost and the woman loses desire for the man. So she stops wanting sex as much. So he gets wound up and defensive and becomes even LESS emotionally available, which makes her even LESS likely to want to have sex, and...


----------



## DesertRat1978

Where I am at is at quite puzzling to me still. Sunday will be 15 weeks since we last had sex. I have not initiated in any way. She does not masturbate nor has she said one word about our nonexistent sex life. It is perplexing me how someone have zero interest and not care that they have zero interest. I always thought that even if I was not satisfying her needs (emotional and/or physical), that she would still have the need for it. Not in this case

I would just like to know if it is a physical issue or not. I am willing to work on the relationship but if the issue is physical then that would clarify things greatly. Yes, she is pregnant but for the past two and a half years, we have been down to once or twice a month.


----------



## turnera

Women don't typically have a 'need' for sex. That's what men have, so the species can continue.


----------



## TiggyBlue

turnera said:


> Women don't typically have a 'need' for sex. That's what men have, so the species can continue.


:scratchhead:


----------



## turnera

Check the textbooks.


----------



## omgitselaine

Guilty as charged  but thats a good thing no  ?


----------



## jennyh80

turnera said:


> Women don't typically have a 'need' for sex. That's what men have, so the species can continue.


I call this bullcrap. If only women had 'need' for sex and men didn't, the species couldn't continue either. Both must have the need.


----------



## turnera

*shrug*

Why do you think there are rows and rows of book about the subject?

It's great at first, when they can care only about each other. Once all life's other 'work' comes in, and women have to multitask to care for more than just him, the 'need' for sex takes a back seat.


----------



## jennyh80

Books made by men who think they know what every woman wants.

I very much multitask and still have the need for sex.


----------



## turnera

Which is why I said most.


----------



## turnera

And most of the books I've read on the subject have been by women.


----------



## jennyh80

And how do they know this about all the 3.5 billion women on earth? How many of those do not need sex?


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## Married but Happy

From what I've read, women generally have sex drives equivalent to men's. However, they are more affected by the emotional closeness and security of the relationship than men, so the consistency of their libido is far more variable and subject to circumstances. There is also a recent study that indicates women get bored with long-term monogamous sex - as do many men - and that can put a damper on libido. It will often return with passion with a new partner.

My wife is HD, and has remained HD for 14 years together. I really can't say if that's just her nature, or if it has to do with the quality of our relationship (which has always been extraordinarily good) - or both.


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## jennyh80

Everything you said also applies to men. I see no point in this argument.


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## TiggyBlue

turnera said:


> *shrug*
> 
> Why do you think there are rows and rows of book about the subject?
> 
> It's great at first, when they can care only about each other. Once all life's other 'work' comes in, and women have to multitask to care for more than just him, the 'need' for sex takes a back seat.


Increase in stress can leave the need for sex on the backseat for either gender.

On a pure biological level both genders are designed to have a need for sex, it takes both to keep the species thriving.


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## jennyh80

In addition to the above women actually have a repeating period when they have a need for sex more than men.


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## TikiKeen

I like that idea, jennyh.

I've always been high drive. When I started dealing with past abuse, I got confused and thought maybe i was 'off' or reenacting, or just weird.

I've decided I just like sex, and that shame is probably the source of "good girls don't", as well as beliefs that women don't want or need it as frequently as men. Freud's motives and many of his hypotheses have been disproved, thankfully.


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