# How to get wife to use a strap-on



## IrishMuss (Dec 1, 2015)

Me and my wife have a pretty active sex life and I would say I am almost satisfied fully. Anal play is a big turn on for me, although she is not fond of me performing full on anal on her as it hurts she has let me rim her which I find a massive turn on. I often finger her ass when she is on top of me during sex.

I have a big desire to have her play with me anally however and have struggled to find a way to bring it up in conversation or to get across how much I enjoy it. She has on occasion stuck her finger in my ass while performing oral on me or a handjob and once used anal beads on me which I found great. I would love to have her do me with a strap on, the thought of her having control because it is usually me who is the dominant one is a big turn on or fantasy of mine.

I am in no way interested in the gay element to it, it is just to do this with my wife seems to be really erotic and a big turn on.
I would find it a turn on to be asked to suck or imitate a bj on a strap on but simply just want her to f*ck my ass! 0

She has mentioned in bed once or twice if I wanted her to do it she would but I want her to be happy or want to do and that it wouldn't be just a case that she is doing it to keep me happy - if her heart isn't in it it won't be what I would hope it to be if that makes sense? I would prefer for her not to be grossed out by it but excited by it.

Any ideas on how I could sell this better?? And also any idea how to go forward with it if she does agree??


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Start small. :wink2: With a dildo, perhaps. When she's used to that, perhaps a strap-on will follow. I'd be running for the hills if my wife got a strap-on, but that's just my preference. lol


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## IrishMuss (Dec 1, 2015)

That's a typo in my original message, I would not find it a turn on to imitate a bj on a strap on, I found that too gay for my liking as wouldn't see where the pleasure is there. Like I said just want my wife to **** me in the ass.


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

IrishMuss said:


> I found that too gay for my liking as wouldn't see where the pleasure is there. Like I said just want my wife to **** me in the ass.



Yeah nothing gay about that at all.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

header said:


> Yeah nothing gay about that at all.


This made me spit my drink out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Since she already engages in some anal play with you she might not be disturbed by your asking. Its tough to tell though. 

Does she ever react negatively to your suggestions of things to do in bed? Nothing wrong with her saying "no", but does she react in a "what sort of pervert would want that" way?

I know that I have to tread very carefully. My wife is very unpredictable - she is fine with some things, but others get a very negative response. 


Do you ever watch porn together? If so, a movie with a strapon scene might open the conversation. Or do you buy sex toys online together?


Nothing wrong with strapons. I don't care about the whole "gay / straight" question, but as far as I'm concerned, if you are doing something sexual with a person of the opposite gender, its "straight", and if you are doing it with someone of the same gender its "gay". 

I don't know why "male receptive anal" is considered gay. Men having anal sex with women isn't considered gay. Men getting BJs isn't considered gay - even though as far as I can tell it is a more common activity than anal for gay couples. Men using dildos on women isn't considered gay - even though there are 2 penis shaped things in the room. Women receiving oral, or dildos isn't gay, even though those are common activity for lesbians.


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

OP, I suggest asking a mod to move your thread to the Sex In Marriage forum.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

*Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon*

Why not just let her read this post? Sounds pretty well explained and your W doesn't appear to have any ridiculous hangups. (Speaking of which, unless you want a man doing it to you, there is no "gay element" to pegging.) As for her own enjoyment, it'll probably follow naturally when she sees how much you get off on it. Pay her the compliment of asking for what you want without second-guessing or micromanaging her response.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IrishMuss (Dec 1, 2015)

No she she doesn't have any big hangups when it comes to sex and is willing to try most things although we haven't really pushed the boundaries too far. With a strap on I wouldn't want her to do it just for my sake as think if were to try it she wouldn't really get into it so it might just become awkward more than anything, particularly afterwards. Like I said we have touched on the topic before and she has said she would do me with a strap on if I wanted but it wasn't really said in a sense that I thought she would like to do for her own pleasure - I suppose it's down t the person. She does allow me to toss her salad but she's not crazy about it


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

If she says she's willing to try it, accept that and let her try on her terms. She won't really know if she likes it until she tries.

Getting her truly excited about this may not be possible at this point. She'll be more comfortable with trying if she feels that you're okay with her reaction, whatever it may be. If you push her too hard to really want it, she'll be afraid of disappointing you, and that is NOT sexy.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

*Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon*

Good evening
If she has already said that she is willing to try it, then go ahead and just ask. Neither of you can know if you will enjoy it before you try (fantasy is one think reality may be another). 

Tell her you'd like to try it and see if you both enjoy. 

I assume you have let her know that you want to hear any fantasies that she has.






IrishMuss said:


> snip
> She has mentioned in bed once or twice if I wanted her to do it she would...


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## IrishMuss (Dec 1, 2015)

Appreciate comments, feel I'll just wait for the right opportunity to come up when we are on topic. Not something that is totally consuming my thoughts and like I have said we have an active sex life but would like to venture down this path to try it out. Many people out there have experience of it??


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

*Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon*



IrishMuss said:


> Appreciate comments, feel I'll just wait for the right opportunity to come up when we are on topic. Not something that is totally consuming my thoughts and like I have said we have an active sex life but would like to venture down this path to try it out. Many people out there have experience of it??


One problem that many people have with trying something new that they haven't done before is that they don't know how to do it. You haven't done it and she hasn't done it. Quite likely the first time the two of you try it you will either have equipment that isn't right or technique that isn't right. Combine that with feeling a bit uncomfortable and unless you can laugh at yourselves it could be a negative experience for one or both.

My suggestion is tell your wife that you want to *TRY* it and take her up on her past offer to TRY it, but only after the two of you have read up on how to do it. There are lots of videos out there that aren't the women raping/punishing men type.


> Bend Over Boyfriend is a series of sex education videos covering the practice of a woman penetrating a man's anus with a strap-on dildo. The first of the two videos, which was released in 1998, became the best selling video to date for Good Vibrations, a sex-toy business.


There are also educational websites out there that are somewhat women friendly that address women's concerns and explain what to look for when purchasing the "equipment."

Ruby Ryder's Pegging Paradise

Again, tell her that this is something you want to try, that you haven't done it before and don't know if you will like it, but it does something to you mentally and you would like to explore those thoughts/feelings with her. Establish safe words for each of you so if either of you freaks out, you will stop.

Good luck. You have a great wife and you should make sure she knows how much you cherrish her.​


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

*Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon*

I'd find it odd if my husband asked me to do this, just because he's never asked before.

But I'd do it. My motto is ya never know until ya try and also try anything once!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

*Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon*

Like others have said, I think you should just ask her. She seems open enough. You might want to bring it up, outside of the bedroom. 

I wanted to do something similar on my ex husband, who had previously said he would be open to trying something, maybe. - I presented the toy to him, gift wrapped while at a fancy hotel and he nearly had a panic attack. Learn from my mistake. 

Good luck and I hope you guys have lots of fun exploring new territory.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

*Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon*

Good evening
that's too bad that he reacted badly. There is almost nothing my wife could suggest that would shock me. There are things I would politely turn down (with apologies) but nothing outside of true non-consent or children that would offend me.

Sadly she sometimes reacts negatively and unpredictably to suggestions, so there is a bit of walking-on-eggs. 






where_are_we said:


> Like others have said, I think you should just ask her. She seems open enough. You might want to bring it up, outside of the bedroom.
> 
> I wanted to do something similar on my ex husband, who had previously said he would be open to trying something, maybe. - I presented the toy to him, gift wrapped while at a fancy hotel and he nearly had a panic attack. Learn from my mistake.
> 
> Good luck and I hope you guys have lots of fun exploring new territory.


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## Reaper39 (Nov 25, 2015)

Yeah ok, have fun I guess


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

There is another thread on this focused topic where I posted a response. May I suggest that the OP read some of the comments over in that thread.

I am putting link with my suggestions to that OP on how he might approach this topic and posting my suggestions below as well.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/305401-how-get-wife-wear-strapon.html#post14301290



> Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon
> Quote:
> Originally Posted by IrishMuss View Post
> Appreciate comments, feel I'll just wait for the right opportunity to come up when we are on topic. Not something that is totally consuming my thoughts and like I have said we have an active sex life but would like to venture down this path to try it out. Many people out there have experience of it??
> ...


Just remember that sex, should be playful and enjoyable to both. It should not induce performance anxiety on your wife or do something that she finds repulsive. In other words ask don't push or demand. 

finally, if she isn't into it, there may be other things, like advanced prostate massage that she might be able to get into to rock your world. Again, I would suggest she explores the Ruby Rider women's guide to pegging podcast

Ruby Ryder's Pegging Paradise

Good luck.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

IrishMuss said:


> She has mentioned in bed once or twice if I wanted her to do it she would but I want her to be happy or want to do and that it wouldn't be just a case that she is doing it to keep me happy - if her heart isn't in it it won't be what I would hope it to be if that makes sense? I would prefer for her not to be grossed out by it but excited by it.
> 
> Any ideas on how I could sell this better?? And also any idea how to go forward with it if she does agree??



It sounds like she's already agreed. I think you are asking too much by having an expectation of how excited she might feel about it. 

She's willing. Go out and buy the strap on and some lube, and give it to her. As long as you aren't forcing her, then I think you should drop other expectation. The reality is she probably won't know how she feels about it, until she does it. If you wait for her to crave it, you are never going to get it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

IrishMuss,


I merged your two threads as they are about the same topic. You will get better input with only one thread on a topic.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I'm gonna take a stab in the dark here, and say that you may be feeling some shame or embarrassment about this whole subject.

It sounds like she's pretty much already agreed to it, or at least is open to things like this, but you are looking for some courage to say "let's do this".

Or rather: you want her to be the one to take the reigns and do this. Asking her outright seems like it's out of your comfort zone, and that's okay. But sitting around and trying to scheme ways to get her to be the one to "suggest" it (or just do it) is just that - scheming.

So, to be blunt, either just suck it up and ask her, or continue to drop hints and hope she just goes for it. But don't try and manipulate her into doing so. Right now, it appears as though you two are at an impasse, each waiting for the other to just do it.

That said... if things are as they appear, and both of you seem willing to do this, yet neither of you is capable of "just doing it", then there's clearly a sense of uncomfortability with one or both of you. Remember that this is quite a role-reversal for both of you, and it could impact how you see each other, which is possibly why there's such trepidation.


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## Oldmatelot (Mar 28, 2011)

Go ahead and purchase a 'feeldoe' strapless strap on. 
Useful for both partners, 
She will get the message. 










Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Quite agree. I wouldn't see this as gay either. I'd be quite turned on if my partner would f*ck me with a strap on... it's more of the dominance thing, the chance of getting a prostrate massage (the 'male' g spot) and also the fact that I not be the only one active in bed... For once, she could do all the 'work'. 

This idea turns me on  



richardsharpe said:


> Nothing wrong with strapons. I don't care about the whole "gay / straight" question, but as far as I'm concerned, if you are doing something sexual with a person of the opposite gender, its "straight", and if you are doing it with someone of the same gender its "gay".
> 
> I don't know why "male receptive anal" is considered gay. Men having anal sex with women isn't considered gay. Men getting BJs isn't considered gay - even though as far as I can tell it is a more common activity than anal for gay couples. Men using dildos on women isn't considered gay - even though there are 2 penis shaped things in the room. Women receiving oral, or dildos isn't gay, even though those are common activity for lesbians.


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## IrishMuss (Dec 1, 2015)

Thanks for comments....don't feel any shame on it, it's just something that turns me on. Like someone touched on, it's the role reversal side to it, as I would say 95% of the time I am in the driving seat, unless she is drunk does she go 'wild' in bed. That's great when it happens and usually anything goes. I suppose fantasy derives from wanting her to take control so for it not to be something I need to ask for or initiate.....I know that sounds completely contradictory but I dont want her to do it just to please me. Also, someone made a point that there is that worry of how we would view each other afterwards although we are both pretty open minded I would like to think that what we do in bed wouldn't cause any issues ever in that sense.


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## itskaren (Dec 28, 2011)

IrishMuss said:


> Me and my wife have a pretty active sex life and I would say I am almost satisfied fully. Anal play is a big turn on for me, although she is not fond of me performing full on anal on her as it hurts she has let me rim her which I find a massive turn on. I often finger her ass when she is on top of me during sex.
> 
> I have a big desire to have her play with me anally however and have struggled to find a way to bring it up in conversation or to get across how much I enjoy it. She has on occasion stuck her finger in my ass while performing oral on me or a handjob and once used anal beads on me which I found great. I would love to have her do me with a strap on, the thought of her having control because it is usually me who is the dominant one is a big turn on or fantasy of mine.
> 
> ...



:surprise: thanks for being honest. However you have totally put me off mt chocolate chip Haagen dazs. Still saved me a few calories!!!!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Yes, for many couples using a strapon is part of a while dominance / submission game - I understand that it would feel different if you need to ask.

I think your best bet is to talk to her before and let her know that you have this fantasy. Its not an unusual fantasy, but its difficult to know how she will react. 




IrishMuss said:


> Thanks for comments....don't feel any shame on it, it's just something that turns me on. Like someone touched on, it's the role reversal side to it, as I would say 95% of the time I am in the driving seat, unless she is drunk does she go 'wild' in bed. That's great when it happens and usually anything goes. I suppose fantasy derives from wanting her to take control so for it not to be something I need to ask for or initiate.....I know that sounds completely contradictory but I dont want her to do it just to please me. Also, someone made a point that there is that worry of how we would view each other afterwards although we are both pretty open minded I would like to think that what we do in bed wouldn't cause any issues ever in that sense.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

I've had anal with my wife three times in a 15 year marriage and not in many years. Now when I ask she says "let me strap on your ass and you can have mine", that has so far stopped the conversation


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## Sun Catcher (Dec 6, 2013)

A few years ago my DH said he would like to try that, so I bought the whole thing and surprised him! So boys, all you have to do is ask! 

Well, we had both seen this done in porn flicks so thought it would be easy and straightforward. The evening was filled with giggles, mostly from me. I eventually "pegged" him and although my husband appreciates ass play it wasn't as he expected and sincerely I got nothing out of it myself. It all ended in giggles as I ran around the house with my "d1ck" on. The harness is still in our toy box and will probably stay there. We do both use the penis portion. 

We have a pretty much D/s type relationship, but I am allowed to switch on occasion, which is very playful for as long as it lasts, but no more Pegging. 

And, there is nothing gay about anal between a man and a woman. Get over your prejudices and stop limiting your sexual enjoyment. 

Sun Catcher


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Don't nag or put pressure on - it will really ruin the mood; and if it did happen she would feel under a lot of pressure.

Get plenty of experience, you _Really_ need to relax, especially as your wife is going to be a little nervous and it will take a while "doing the deed" before she actually can mentally get "into it". Ask again if you need guidelines there.

Most guys don't really look that sexy from behind, or in a submissive position (unless she's pushed him there). So a good bit of body care won't go amiss.

Consider a missionary mount position, pillow/rolled towel if you need to get the tilt.

I hear the shower is good, because it reduces the smell.

If you haven't tried before get a good stable harness, probably a three strap (hip & groin). You're here for a good f...king not to be fighting the gear the whole time.

The act is stimulating for her, but not in the same way as sex or foreplay is normally. If your partner is dom or butch, or used to using a harness on women, that's not a big problem; but if she's never been in that role she might have difficulties getting into the right headspace, and for her to enjoy this it is all about headspace.

The nice pictures on teh interwebz... are best picks done in prepared studios by professionals or experienced practicers. So you don't get to see much of the discomfort or deal with the smell (of poo and lube).

When they record those videos, the submissive partner has often fasted for days, and had many anal douchings just to make it look less gross.

I highly recommend at least one towel under the copulation to catch any spill. it stains.

Be very gentle and very slow. The tissues in the bowel and anus are tissue thin (no pun intended) unlike the muscles and lining in vagina. Also the vagina is designed to inflate during arousal and self-lubricate. The anal regions do not do that, and also have two sets of muscle rings design to push OUT. Before you can even consider have your wife peg you, you must be able to get both of those to relax on your mental command - if not the dildo is likely to miss the center of the ring of muscle, and instead of easing it open, the pressure will cause it to spasm (and even push to the side of the muscle knot cause serious, possibly lethal damage) - this will be extremely painful.

Use a lube recommended for anal play, and rated for the toy you are using.

But get plenty of practice before even thinking about addressing it to your partner. They can't feel much through a dildo let alone a harness. So you have to know your your body very well, and really have to be comfortable with the penetration - the natural reflex is to tense up. So you need to be able to handle it. But you also need to be able to move to adjust the angle if it's not quite right (or don't want to be verbalising orders, it will kill the mood).

Anal stretching is a thing. So read up about that and other dangers.

Plan ahead for sterilising the toy before and afterwards. Afterwards it's a bit gross, so you'll want to have a towel ready, and somewhere to take it because if you share a household with children or flatmates getting it out of the bedroom is only the first step. Also think ahead on how you're going to clean it - it's not the kind of thing you want in the dishwasher or kitchen sink (I hope!)

Consider using a butt plug on the day leading up to the event. It will stretch you up for the day, and less likely to end up in the ER than a dildo.

Get her to size up the harness before the day. The first few times adjusting the fit is a mood killer.

Pace yourself with the lube. It's more important to be relaxed and get it in the right places, than it is to bucket it on.

Be prepared for several days of diarrhea/constipation, get a gentle laxative, keep hydrated, don't eat too much gluten, or schedule to many important business meetings especially standing ones....

A dildo for a harness for anal play is going to want to be a little longer and thinner than one for vaginal play. Chose one that is a little thinner than your practice one - you can always buy bigger later, you really don't want her ripping you a new one (heh, see how I worked that in there <immature snigger>)

I mention that size thing third to last because it's important. A guy penetrating with anal gets direct stimulation onto a penis, so he is likely to reach orgasm quickly and wish to stop. For a person using a strapon, they don't have such mortal finishing points, so they can be faster and far longer ... and unlike self-penetration you can't control the pace. Far better they enjoy themselves and you come out ok, that you have to kill the attempt just when they get into it - if you do that you might not get another shot.

The final point that bears witness: you will be introducing a new thing into your relationship. Not all women want to be taking a directly dominant role in their relationship, and many resent and even consider their partner unacceptable if he doesn't full that dominant role. So do think this through carefully, despite what many documents and rumour say, what happens in the bedroom is a very important social relation for a woman. Change her view of you (here or anywhere else important) can destroy what she sees in you.

Hopefully some of the women folk or others who have also successfully encouraged a woman into pegging them will contribute to the emotional side. Generally I get the feeling most woman see this as un-manly and not something they want to admit, let alone consider. For one of my ex's it was something on her bucket list, so I lucked out there, but I had to quit early, as the only strapon I had that was long enough was just a little to large once my partner got up to speed.

add: and yes, it is very much "something she is doing for you". so dont forget it, and show proper appreciation.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Oldmatelot said:


> Go ahead and purchase a 'feeldoe' strapless strap on.


Have you used one of those?

Not for first timers IMO....


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

alexm said:


> That said... if things are as they appear, and both of you seem willing to do this, yet neither of you is capable of "just doing it", then there's clearly a sense of uncomfortability with one or both of you. Remember that this is quite a role-reversal for both of you, and it could impact how you see each other, which is possibly why there's such trepidation.


I'm assuming that as he's the one mentioning it here, that the message he's written is linguistically biased towards it being a "good thing"

As for bringing it up, he could say he's considering it, and wants to discuss it before wasting money on buying it if she's not interested.


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## Oldmatelot (Mar 28, 2011)

spotthedeaddog said:


> Have you used one of those?
> 
> 
> 
> Not for first timers IMO....



We have. 
We have the blue version.
Different colors = different sizes. 
We tried it without a harness but honestly she got so wet that it was difficult to hold in. 
Now we use a 3 strap harness. Much better control. 

For first timers? Maybe. It was our first Strap on. Now it's a regular addition. 
We also make use of it with out the harness one either one of us by hand. 

The vibrating bullet included is a waste. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

spotthedeaddog said:


> Plan ahead


If you share your living space with relatives such as your MIL that has a sensitive nose, plan the weekly family menu to include chitterlings the afternoon prior to your wife engaging you with a strap-on. This will permeate the living space of your whole house with an intestinal smell and desensitize everyone to the possible odors that can be emitted later during anal sex.


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## Oldmatelot (Mar 28, 2011)

badsanta said:


> If you share your living space with relatives such as your MIL that has a sensitive nose, plan the weekly family menu to include chitterlings the afternoon prior to your wife engaging you with a strap-on. This will permeate the living space of your whole house with an intestinal smell and desensitize everyone to the possible odors that can be emitted later during anal sex.



Lol. 
We have now moved away from the topic I hand. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## guy74 (Dec 24, 2015)

Broach the subject after a good BJ. If you and she are open on the issues of sex, it's not difficult.

People can call it gay all they wish, it's between you and your spouse in the confines of your bedroom. Gay, straight, whatever, who cares. Enjoy yourselves.


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