# Cheating Behavior - Generally Fairly Consistent



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I thought I would start a discussion about cheating behavior...not just the red flags, but how they react to the actions of the BS and other situations. 

For example, Trickle Truth. If you've been around long enough like many of the veterans here, we see TT here all the time. Usually when caught sexting or chatting with the OM/OW, the WS will generally say they were "just playing along" or just flirting. But in reality we know that is their sex talk, part of the affair, part of the building up for their sex. The dreaded "He/She is just a friend". Then we also see, that they ONLY made out (like teenagers), or only hugged or kissed, and the cheater will STRONGLY deny that it was ever physical. 

Another one is where the WS will try to protect the OM/OW. In some instances, they immediately throw their AP under the bus, but more often than not, they will try to protect their AP from consequences, including trying to prevent any exposure of their AP. 

There are many other typical cheater behaviors.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

One of the main things for my situation was that she went from being so honest to being a compulsive liar. I could never figure out why she would change so abruptly.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think there are some extreme behaviors that some BS find their WS doing that are so dangerous.
I mean in my case how safe is it to get into a car with some strange go over to their place and engage in such illicite activity such as doing drugs, over drinking and expect to go home the next morning.

I mean why put your self in that situation...knowing that if it goes bad its better to give it up rather then having it taken.

In my case it wasn't the LTR affair with the same guy...it was going out and finding some strange....taking a risk not knowing how it will end...hell in some cases she didn't even know were she was or who she was with!

So is this a general behavior or is my sitch so off the wall that it throws a rench in what "general cheating behavior' is? 

Its the self distruction that I'll never under stand.

It wasn't coworkers, old classmates, or some guys she met online.....it was complete strangers !!!!!!

At best it was 6-8 drinks at the bar and off they went.

I don't think we can generalize the crap wayward do...hell it takes all kinds IMHO.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya I get it ...generaly there is a script, especially when the wayward is confronted.
Its human nature to protect your @ss when your screwing someone over and you knows it bad.

Then again some wayward seem to always justify their evil deed one way or another and are always the victim when getting laid by someone other then their spouse.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Seeing research on the search history of things to buy a woman for her birthday, when yours is 6 months away. 

Scooping the credit card bills all the time, so your spouse doesn't see the restaurant or floral charges. (then saying it was a co worker he took to lunch) 

Saying that he is spending lots of time with a friend (a minister in this case.

A spurt in technical knowledge (all of a sudden he can sharpen lawnmower blades, for her young son's lawn business)

Putting down your family religion and finding fault with it out of the blue. ( A sudden interest in Martin Luther).

Not wanting to go on family vacations, or wanting to return early ( he forgot to do my expense account and will get in trouble if we don't return home right away)

Not wanting to sleep with your spouse for various reasons ( I don't feel emotionally connected to you)

Neglecting household chores (suddenly vacuuming 'depressed' him. )

Accusing your spouse of being unaffectionate. "You're not warm and fuzzy'. 

Stopping doing the little things (putting gas in partner's car, picking her up on snowy days from work). 

A favorite: driving me to a medical specialist appointment after my severe car accident, and telling me to take a cab home. His office was 5 minutes away. 

Telling me to walk across a parking lot covered in ice rather than drop me off a the store entrance. "What are you a queen?"

Telling your wife that she will now sit in the back seat when you all travel, your son needs to sit up front to learn to 'navigate'. ( No way, that was my truck and I don't sit in the back seat). 

Pulling your kids into disagreements between you and your spouse; to show them how horrible and unreasonable you are. Lying about the details to make you look bad. 

A need to 'find himself' and take an apartment for awhile. ( Should never have let him return, kick myself daily over that one).


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

At the risk of sounding repetitive:

blah, blah, ATTENTION, blah, blah...

blah, blah, COMPLIMENTS, blah, blah....


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

1. Negative hits: Finding fault with things just so that the WP has inventory of reasons to justify fooling around.

2. Trying to use one relationship to make up for another: for example, when my (future) fiance and I went to lunch with some friends of mine, he took part in a round but wandered away from the table when it was time for the next. He almost didn't pay for my lunch. When we started having talks, his excuse was that he didn't want people to use him for his money. What I later found was that just one week before that, he wen to the pub with his EA and her friends and got stuck with a 3 figure bar tab. (She refused to kiss him after that which began a turning point for the three of us.)

I wonder how conscious / subconcious his thinking was when it came to the differences in which he treated me --"the one he really cared about" and his EA whom "he didn't like that much."


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## TimeHeals (Sep 26, 2011)

I dunno. Maybe if it all seems similiar, it's because it's like Baskin Robbins but with feces: 31 flavors of ****? Oh you got rocky-road crap? He got double-dutch crap. It's all varying versions of the same thing, and unless you are a crap connoisseur ,,,,

Really, how much about human behavior is generally new? Somewhere out there is somebody who was the very first person to meet somebody on the internet (or maybe a BBS), and boy weren't they a trailblazer? lol

If you really want to discuss outliers when it comes to cheating, though, try this one:

1. Person cheats.
2. Immediately feels deep guilt and shame and confesses throwing themselves at their spouse's mercy.
3. Admits that cheating was all about their selfish desires and that they don';t deserve to be forgiven.
4. Never cheats again, never engages in highly narcissistic, deceptive or manipulative behavior again
5. Doesn't rationalize the offense, blame-shift, or project their faults onto their spouse.

That's an outlier. That's practically a Unicorn.

That is, however, what a lot of people selling "infidelity cures" (snake oil) will try to convince you that you have or that you can have. 

99995 or more times out of 100,000, that isn't what you are dealing with, and trying to turn what you are dealing with into that is about as smart as peeing into a very strong wind.

But what do you see on internet infidelity forums? Usually something a lot like:

_I think this feces has a hint of cinamon in it. 
No, it's lemon. I definitely detect lemon in this turd pie.
I think it's cherry. Pretty sure there is a dash of cherry in the top log, at least.
_
It's crap is what it is.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

My xWW lied her arse off consistently when we were imploding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

My SIL has and still is following the cheater's script to a T. Blameshifting, projecting, gas lighting, lying. I don't how my BIL can believe anything that comes out of her mouth but he does. The new one is that she's decided to move back home. I'll believe it when I see it.

This is something I haven't seen posted before but it happened to my BIL. Maybe it will help someone else out.

SIL told my BIL that she was moving out, she needed to find herself. She told him, "I'm not going to take anything from the house except for the guest room bedroom furniture and one of the sofas." When he told us this, we thought it was odd. 

A few weeks before she moves out, he finds her stash of gift cards. I mean A LOT of gift cards. For places like Pottery Barn, Bed Bath & Beyond and Target. So for months, (because she's a planner), every time she went to the market she purchased a gift card. $25.00 here, $25.00 there. BIL never looked at the receipts from the market because he trusted her and she did the finances.


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