# day 6 but feeling okish, why?



## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

is this normal, its day 6 of learning my gf cheated, my story is on here. ok it was a mistake that only lasted 4mins but it still hurts. 

from the moment i found out i have asked everything and know from start to end of what happened, how she was feeling through it, anything that was said etc

i took all the pain in 1 go, quized her over and over so i knew everything, then kept replaying it over and over in my head for days and today it doesnt hurt so much, i mean it still hurts but not nearly as much. is this normal?

the only thing she couldnt tell me was exactly wher. it was outside and she was drunk in cuckoo land

stupidly i looked on google maps ground view, i dont know why i decided to punish myself this way. still none the wiser but still.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

You don't mention how much time you have invested in your relationship, whether you thought about marriage, whether you're living together, etc. So I would guess it would depend on what type of commitment the two of you had, as to how bad this may effect you. Perhaps you just didn't have enough time or investment for it to be terribly devastating. 

Speaking for myself as a betrayed spouse with a 24 year marriage and a "as bad as it gets" betrayal; I found the first few weeks were less painful than the following months (it's been a year). I attribute most of that to the hysterical bonding and early mistakes I made following my discovery. Including holding myself as partially responsible. 

As I learned more about the mind set of cheating partners and that this wasn't my fault, I wised up and woke up. There was more pain after those first few weeks, but I realized that's part of the healing process that must occur for a successful reconciliation. 

Make sure that you don't rug sweep this and that she remains remorseful. If I were you, I'd be monitoring her for a while before I would make a long term commitment. You're lucky in a sense that you're not married and have no children (I assume).

Good luck.


P.S. Just read your earlier posts and see that this is a long term relationship with kids. All the more important to look for that remorseful behavior from her.


----------



## mark112 (Oct 31, 2012)

badmemory said:


> You don't mention how much time you have invested in your relationship, whether you thought about marriage, whether you're living together, etc. So I would guess it would depend on what type of commitment the two of you had, as to how bad this may effect you. Perhaps you just didn't have enough time or investment for it to be terribly devastating.
> 
> Speaking for myself as a betrayed spouse with a 24 year marriage and a "as bad as it gets" betrayal; I found the first few weeks were less painful than the following months (it's been a year). I attribute most of that to the hysterical bonding and early mistakes I made following my discovery. Including holding myself as partially responsible.
> 
> ...


thankyou for your reply, we have been together for 12 years, 2 children but not married, we have been having problems for a couple of years. she didnt plan to cheat, it wasnt an affair it was a silly drunken mistake after a big argument on our part, it was only 4 mins, maybe its whats making it easier, she feels guilty,dirty,remorsfull and told me straight away. im sorry for your situation but its good to hear your still together and getting through it, i wish you all the best


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Just a tip about posting. 

Posters will have a better feel for you situation if you keep all your posts on one thread. 

I think you'll find that you're more and more "okayish" once you feel you've had all your questions answered to your satisfaction.

But it could also be a sign that your feelings for her are not as deep as you thought. Think about these two possibilities.


----------



## Earl Dibbles Jr (Nov 1, 2012)

It wasn't a "mistake". A mistake is when you put salt in your coffee instead of sugar. When you let another man put his pecker in you, it hasn't been "mistaken" for yours.

ALso, I agree with walkonmars last sentence.


----------

