# Is he lying or am I wrong?



## CuriousBetty (Oct 9, 2014)

My husband and I have been working on our marriage. We collectively agreed not to masturbate so we can get closer to each other. To get to the point, I found semen stains on his side of the sheets that were absolutely not there yesterday. I made it clear to him that I would make love to him last night... with body language. But he told me he was tired and wanted to sleep. Normally he snuggles up to me so tight, I am sweating. He has been close to me like that for so long, I've grown accustomed to sleeping that way... last night I didn't sleep so well. He was way over on the other side of our King Sized bed, turned away from me, when I tried to snuggle him and hold his hand, he quickly grabbed it and moved it away from where I was going to put it. He had the corner of the sheet so tightly held in his grasp, I thought he would never change position. But he did. He rolled onto his stomach. Both of these positions are strange for him. I asked him... and even cried to him... why was he so far away? I told him I didn't get any sleep. He told me he was sorry and kissed me goodbye for work. Later, after I fed our baby, I went to lay her down next to me, and the corner of the sheet that was clutched so tightly in his hand was covered in semen stains. As well as the spot on the bed where he would have masturbated. He swears up and down that he didn't do it consciously. But why would someone completely change their sleeping pattern and move my hand so I couldn't feel the wetness, and try to hide, if they weren't consciously making a decision? We had just made love the night before and he made it obvious he wasn't interested in sex last night... or was he? But just not with me? Could he be telling the truth, or is he lying to me?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Anything is possible. But he's the only one who can tell you for sure. We'd just be guessing.

C


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## CuriousBetty (Oct 9, 2014)

That's what is killing me! He can lie like a master! He has a very smooth way about him. Not many people can do that to me... why I married someone who can...? At this point I am not sure. I have a headache from the whole thing and I don't just want to let it go because I believe with everything in me that he is lying. But if he doesn't fess up... how can our marriage get better?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Sorry, but rebuilding your marriage when you don't trust your partner is a fool's game. You obviously have reasons for not trusting him... You may want to explain that. 

Have you looked into counselling?

C


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## JASON56 (Aug 28, 2014)

I think you need to try and let it go, look at it this way, its your word against his.. you say he is a great liar, so he has lied before to you.

its his word against yours... watch and listen and catch him in the act.

And also a guy with a high sex drive is not going to stop masturbating, they actual enjoy it better then sex at times, because its quick and less work...


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## CuriousBetty (Oct 9, 2014)

Yes... we've looked into counseling, but even though he makes good money, we cannot afford it, due to his child support & our mortgage amount. His ex wife picked out this house... and we are stuck in it because she couldn't afford to take it over after their divorce. That doesn't help matters. I know why I don't trust him. After I moved in with him and we became a family with our children, he went to California on a work trip and went on a date with another woman. Almost broke up with me. Came back, apologized... I forgave him. But it still nags me, even though we weren't married yet... it still feels like he could do something and I would never know. He promises me that we are married and he would never do that to his wife. Why there's such a difference between living together and married in his head? I don't know. He also got me to quit smoking when we first got together... and he goes off hunting and smokes. I told him that bothered me because it would tempt me. So he promised he wouldn't do that anymore. But yet, he did it again... and again. Which messed with my trust issues I already had. We are Christians and we attend church regularly. We decided to pray and fast together. We were doing SOOO well. We just had our first "together" baby. We have 3 other kids between us from previous marriages. Anyway... we have an agreement about masturbation... and I feel he is lying to me and my head is bursting because he says he is not. How can I believe him? I want to so bad... but I am not a stupid person. His body language said it all to me. How could a man, who has slept a certain way for so long, all of a sudden change the way he sleeps AND end up with stains on the bed without knowing he did it? Sounds wrong to me.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

CuriousBetty said:


> My husband and I have been working on our marriage. We collectively agreed not to masturbate so we can get closer to each other.


Where did you come up with this great idea? 

/sarcasm off

You aren't going to get closer to him by forcing him to stop jacking off. All it's doing is putting him in a position where he's gotta be deceptive about it. 

He probably resents you greatly. 

This will not move your relationship in the direction you expect it to go.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

All guys wank...to a lessor or greater degree, but all do it.
Its how we are.

Sorry to be blunt about it.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

it could have been a wet dream. He may have not wanted to get laid for whatever reason, but was horny and wanked off. Whats the big deal? Put on some sexy lingerie tonight, and see if you can not score. ONLY if it is a constant night-after-night rejection that it becomes a problem.

a no-masturbation agreement ONLY works if he had a bad porn addiction and you wanted him to detox for a month or two. who says you can dictate to a normal guy not to masturbate? What religion says that??


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

CuriousBetty said:


> My husband and I have been working on our marriage. We collectively agreed not to masturbate so we can get closer to each other. To get to the point, I found semen stains on his side of the sheets that were absolutely not there yesterday. I made it clear to him that I would make love to him last night... with body language. But he told me he was tired and wanted to sleep.


Maybe he had a dream?

I'd love it if my Wife and I could sort out this agreement, and then each be actually able to step up enthusiastically when the other is in the mood for fun. Hrmm, how to make up some kind of game from it.

I don't know about your H but I'm very stupid with body language and usually don't get the idea unless she rubs against me like a cat, or just pounces on me.


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

lenzi said:


> You aren't going to get closer to him by forcing him to stop jacking off. All it's doing is putting him in a position where he's gotta be deceptive about it.


I'd love to try this, but it can't be one way and have any reasonable chance of success. She would need to step up to some sort of fun time every other day or so, instead of me dropping down to once or twice a month, no way any guy I know could last that long sans fun time without going mental.


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## JustAnotherMan (Jun 27, 2012)

First off as a Christian...think forgiveness...for your own sake. 

Why the no masturbation vow? You are setting him up to fail and hide things from you. So many rules now every time he fails to meet them he has to lie to you.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

There seems to be a whole lot going on here, but I am only going to focus on one thing...

You truly believe he is lying, so in your mind, he needs to tell you the truth, that he was masturbating, and anything short of that is continuing to lie. What if however, he is telling the truth...you have put him in a position where he would have to lie to you to convince you he is telling the truth...a real lose lose for him because your mind is already made up.

That said, do I suspect he was? There is a solid chance he was, but the real issue here is one of trust. The asking out another woman while in a committed relationship is not cool, and I suspect there are more, deeper issues here or this probably wouldn't be as big of a deal.

Side note...as to all guys masturbating to at least some extent...that is not necessarily true. I have not done it alone the entire time I have been with my wife, but then again, we have very frequent and varied sex.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening CuriousBetty
I think that a "no masturbation" agreement is only reasonable if you agree to provide sexual release for your partner any time they want. If you turn your partner down for sex, then I think they should be expected to masturbate to relieve themselves.


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## Lancer (Sep 15, 2014)

I think he may be telling the truth. You do not trust him. I would let it go and not let it come between you. It you continue to see signs that he is not respecting you then it is time for action.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

For you to ask him to stop masturbating is as wrong as it is for him to masturbate and lie about it.

Do you see what I'm getting at?

Let him be WHO HE IS. If he likes to jerk off, LET HIM.

As others have said, most men do it.

DO NOT deny him from something so natural to him. SERIOUSLY, that is just VERY VERY wrong.

You are DISTANCING yourself FROM him, by "trying" to get you 2 closer.

It's a backfire


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

How much did you masturbate prior to the agreement? Because I bet he has his release at least once a day. If you masturbated daily, I assume with your agreement you would then become intimate daily to make up for the lack of masturbation. However, if you masturbate once every 6 months, and expected your husband, who probably masturbates daily to stop with you, that wasn't a very fair agreement.

With that being said, who knows what he was doing. I find it extremely unusual anyone would ejaculate in their hands or on a sheet on purpose without cleaning up? I mean, no matter what after sex, even if I ejaculate inside my wife, I get up and clean off. I couldn't imagine just shooting semen all over myself and then just laying it. That would be weird and a little disgusting.

If he was hiding anything, don't you think he could just get up and say, "Oh, I have to use the bathroom" so he could wash off his hands or body? 

Seriously. Or do you guys usually just leave semen all over your bodies and sleep through the night normally? Serious question. It seems if he did it on purpose, unless his side of the bed is filthy with old cum, dirty stains, etc, I would assume if he ejaculated on himself on purpose, he would have cleaned up. The only reason he'd lay it in all night is because he was tired and it may have just happened. 

Also, if you were awake, you would have felt the bed vibrating. I have a king size bed as well, and yes there is space but you can still feel movement. He isn't a ninjabator. He may have had a wet dream sleeping on his stomach, who knows. I just can't believe someone would c*m all over themselves and not find a way to to get up and clean off using various excuses. He is a master liar you say.


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## CuriousBetty (Oct 9, 2014)

Thanks... He and I worked it out. As far as not masturbating is concerned... we AGREED. I didn't tell him not to. Sheesh. Secondly... we prayed about it together... I believe him. But he hadn't done that in so long, it just seemed odd to me that it could just randomly happen. We have a very good sex life... and he knows my cues well. As I know his. Also, there is a LOT more going on under the surface having both come from other marriages among other things. We both believe the same about sex in a marriage... I guess guys just have an easier time masturbating in their sleep. It seems wrong. But I guess it's not fair that women can have multiple orgasms during sex and guys can't. Everything balances... I just wish he could hold to his side of the bargain... even in his sleep. He DOES NOT resent me! I did not FORCE him to do anything... he was on board as well as I. It's still our agreement to go without masturbating. That hasn't changed. And we're even closer for praying about it and talking about it. The way God can work in a marriage is amazing. I just don't like being lied to... and I really thought my husband was. Lying is one of the things I am best at not doing... it's not only a conviction, but a pet peeve, as well. Just like cursing... huge pet peeve. Very lacking in class, lazy and just rude. These are things that would even bother me if I were not Christian. My husband knows how I feel about lying. He understands... and actually, he hasn't even white lied in a really long time. So... that's why I was freaking out. Our marriage really is getting stronger. I just had to ask others what they thought, so I could get some clarity on the matter. So, thank you. And to those who would like to try coming to this kind of agreement with their spouse... I highly recommend it. It's so strengthening. I've never felt a greater bond. The conflict is even healthy, because it helps us understand each other better. But I've noticed, since our agreement, we have less conflict... and more lovemaking. It's beautiful. Blessings on all of you!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

askari said:


> All guys wank...to a lessor or greater degree, but all do it.
> Its how we are.
> 
> Sorry to be blunt about it.


Not necessarily true. I didn't touch my penis except to urinate over a 10 years period. It's cause my wife at the time would let me have sex when I wanted. So my response was trained for the real thing.

If I got horney, I wanted it inside a woman, not my hand.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

treyvion said:


> I didn't touch my penis except to urinate over a 10 years period.


You didn't even...wash it?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Not necessarily true. I didn't touch my penis except to urinate over a 10 years period. It's cause my wife at the time would let me have sex when I wanted. So my response was trained for the real thing.
> 
> If I got horney, I wanted it inside a woman, not my hand.


Actually it was from ages 19 to 37, so that would be 18 years.

18 years where I could get sex when I wanted and masturbation was not more interesting in any way...


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

lenzi said:


> You didn't even...wash it?


No and it grew mold and a thick fungus that required scraping over the years. The wife was real loving and learned to love the smell.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

You sound very controlling, give the guy a break. Questioning his sleeping positions, checking for stains, crying to manipulate? He was far away? Lady, he's in the same bed with you. Poor guys not even allowed to touch his own body? And to be even more blunt, seems like you use your religion to enforce your controls. 

This will only push him away in the end, why not bond by having sex frequently?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuriousBetty (Oct 9, 2014)

Gosh thanks mablenc. I was looking for help and support... not accusations. I was genuinely sad because he ALWAYS cuddles me. If you want to look at it like I'm controlling him touching his own body, then I guess you should look at him as controlling, too. We both had issues with it, so we both decided to curb it, That way IT wouldn't control US or our LOVE LIFE anymore. And if you were really following our post, I said we have a good sex life. It's taken a while after our baby, because my body is getting back to normal... but now that I'm nearly healed, it's been even better than before. As for religion... we are nondenominational. We don't practice "religion". We simply follow Christ. We're not perfect, so grace is there to catch us when we fall. However, I feel you should know that I will not stand for a controlling relationship and neither will he. We've both been victims of that before in other circumstances. Not going there again. Just because I note behaviors, does not mean I am controlling. It means we have a normal pattern, and it was oddly interrupted. Besides the fact that it was an extremely emotional day for me anyway... and he was aware of that. Either way... it's all water under the bridge. I love my husband with all of my heart... I just had to get some outside advice before I hurt him with my disbelief. And I'm glad I did. It was helpful.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

It's like the Seinfeld episode.

If you worry about him lying, then this policy of no mastubation is a mistake. Everyone lies about masturbating.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

CuriousBetty said:


> I just wish he could hold to his side of the bargain... even in his sleep.


Oh my.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

If he's having wet dreams then I can guarantee that he's not getting enough sex.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

"And to those who would like to try coming to this kind of agreement with their spouse... I highly recommend it. It's so strengthening. I've never felt a greater bond."

I would guess that there are literally thousands of spouses who would love to not have to take care of their own needs but are married to people who do not want the responsibility. What they really want is for their mates to care as little about sex as they do and that is an unreasonable expectation. (no matter how much anyone wishes for it)


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## tk421jag (Nov 29, 2011)

I agree with a few people in that you do sound a little controlling. not to be insulting or anything.

I'd honestly let this go. 

You guys not masturbating to try to grow closer is silly. My wife masturbates and tells me she has, and it turns me on big time. 

Maybe the sex isn't that good (like the sex in my marriage) and he just wanted to pleasure himself for a change. 

He could have had a dream, because that's definitely happened to me and my wife. 

I think saying that he's lying to you, is a little weird. He's lying to you about masturbating? He can masturbate if he wants to. It's his body. No one can stop him from doing that without physically restraining him. Just let him do it if he wants to.

It sounds like there is some talks about honesty that needs to happen.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Not necessarily true. I didn't touch my penis except to urinate over a 10 years period. It's cause my wife at the time would let me have sex when I wanted. So my response was trained for the real thing.
> 
> If I got horney, I wanted it inside a woman, not my hand.


Treyvion, you lucky LUCKY ba$tard!!!!


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## CuriousBetty (Oct 9, 2014)

Look... something some of you don't understand is that within a Biblical marriage, the man's body belongs to the woman and the woman's body belongs to the man. When you are Christian, you know this before you utter your first vow. Or you should. He and I believe that we should be able to pleasure each other more deeply than we could ourselves. We don't believe in taking the lazy way out to do it ourselves. It makes us both feel ashamed. We have had deep conversations about this that you all know nothing of. Just because I brought mainly my side of the conversation to the table doesn't mean he would not tell you the same. Honestly, when it got down to it, he was ashamed that he masturbated in his sleep. The truth of the matter is, he has felt no pleasure greater than me... he tells me this honestly and with great passion. He had a (very cold) wife before me, and one girlfriend he "went all the way" with before that. I have had only one person before him... that was my ex husband who was too obsessed with porn and gambling. I wanted a pure marriage, as I was a virgin... but it isn't what I got. The husband I have now, deeply wanted a "pure" relationship with me because he'd never had that and wanted it deeply. Unfortunately, or fortunately... we held too much fire for each other and ended up becoming too passionate before we got married. We have been together for 4 years and married for over 2. We are trying to fine tune things and get things back to a sense of normalcy after I had my c-section. In the midst of it, we've been talking about what we want in each other for our sex life. The ability to pleasure each other without needing to pleasure ourselves is one of the things we both have desire for. Because we've been working so hard on things and being a team, his mishap, on one of the most emotional days of the year for me, was definitely not the greatest timing... nor was it easy for either of us to come to an understanding because of everything involved. You see... I lost a baby in my previous marriage, to SIDS. I wish the research that is out on it now, had been more readily available the year I lost him. My daughter reached a milestone... she didn't die that day. She lived on. I didn't exactly expect her to pass away, but it made me think of my lost son and the experience of the day I lost him. So, I was celebrating, but grieving. Then to find out my husband had gone against an agreement we had made... and possibly lied about it was just icing on the cake. THAT was an AWFUL day for me. And I highly suggest those of you calling me controlling, please stop. Now that you have more of a scoop on what was going on, maybe you will look at people and their reasoning differently from now on. If God hadn't been in the midst of us when we prayed that day, I don't think we would have had the beautiful outcome we had. When my husband got home that day, he and I argued. And then he asked me to pray with him because I wasn't budging. I thought he had lied to me on the worst day ever. But what God revealed was more amazing than anything I would have originally thought was possible. Not only was my husband not lying, but, because of his sensitivity about it, I was being harsh on him. Also, that he was not understanding me on the level I needed him to, because as he continues to live day by day like normal, the trauma inside of me makes it difficult for me to keep up with him. He is leaving me behind, simply by not noting what I am going through and just shrugging it off like I should suck it up. That is debilitating me. But because I don't have the heart to tug on him and hold him back, I just allow him to move forward. It isn't fair to either of us because eventually, he will be hurt by my inability to keep up emotionally and we will end up broken... the both of us. So, we are working on basically uprooting all of the pain, the hurt and the conflict, facing it, then planting stronger roots on heartier ground. Sex isn't just sex, masturbation isn't just masturbation... our bodies are more sacred than that. We are human beings. Not machines. We are amazing, complex and filled with life. Sex is meant to be beautiful. And that is what we are working on building it to be in our marriage. I'm reading an amazing book right now, called "The 5 sex needs of men & women" by Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg. It's very eye opening. There is so much more to all of this than most of you realize. Perhaps, one day, it will be revealed to you as it has been to me. God has a reason for everything.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I believe it's an absolute fool's errand for a man or woman to EVER asked, demand, or even expect their spouse to not pleasure their own bodies. And I say this as a Jesus washed, cleansed, proud and happy christian. The bible doesn't even address masturbation even once, so it's not even any kind of biblical mandate up for consideration. 

Having said that, the OP and her husband have apparently made the mutual decision to forgo masturbation. It's quite possible, as I know other Christian couples who have made a similar vow within their marriages. One young couple I know are dealing with a very similar situation as the OP; they just had a baby, she had a c-section, was out of commission for sexual pleasure. And still he stood by the no-masturbation agreement, despite the fact that he was DYING for sexual release. Heck there are non-christians who don't masturbate in marriage, either out of a mutual decision, or because the sex life is used 100% to channel sexual desire. I don't agree with banning masturbation, but as long as the two people involved feel it's appropriate for their marriage, all power to them. 

The issue comes up if a man or woman only agrees to the no masturbation rule because they think that's what their spouse wants. That's when lying and betrayal are born. If you don't have any real conviction about ceasing masturbation, don't lie to your spouse about it just to get them off your back or shut them up.


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## NutsOrNot (May 8, 2014)

lenzi said:


> Where did you come up with this great idea?
> 
> /sarcasm off
> 
> You aren't going to get closer to him by forcing him to stop jacking off. All it's doing is putting him in a position where he's gotta be deceptive about it.


I can understand the no masturbation agreement. My husband let me think for 3 years that he stopped having sex with me because he didn't want to. 

The first time I found him masturbating I was pretty distressed, but let it go. The second time, I was really surprised and told him if he wants to have sex with himself he doesn't need me and I was calling it quits. I feel too young to give up sex - it's been THREE YEARS!! And I took a big hit to my self esteem because "he didn't want to".

When I said I wanted out, he finally told me he has ED. I asked him to stop masturbating for a few weeks, thinking if he held off for awhile it might make it more likely we could try SOMETHING that might work. 

I found him at it again 2 days later. I'm not an ugly hag by the way. I take care of myself and don't lounge around in sloppy clothes with messed up hair. I fix myself up every day. I have NEVER turned him down. Even after a couple of surgeries, I still offered alternative measures until I was recovered.

He refuses to see a doctor. I made an appointment for him. He said he didn't need that. I asked him to at least get labs done. Nope. He just wants to take the easy way out. I'm pretty sick of going without.

I'm not even sure he has ED. Although I wouldn't think a man would rather say that than address the problem.


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## seahorse (Apr 10, 2010)

Sounds like you both are being very reasonable and communicating well. Great job! How awesome that you both seek to follow Jesus also. He is life, indeed!

Best wishes for your marriage!
-seahorse




CuriousBetty said:


> Look... something some of you don't understand is that within a Biblical marriage, the man's body belongs to the woman and the woman's body belongs to the man. When you are Christian, you know this before you utter your first vow. Or you should. He and I believe that we should be able to pleasure each other more deeply than we could ourselves. We don't believe in taking the lazy way out to do it ourselves. It makes us both feel ashamed. We have had deep conversations about this that you all know nothing of. Just because I brought mainly my side of the conversation to the table doesn't mean he would not tell you the same. Honestly, when it got down to it, he was ashamed that he masturbated in his sleep. The truth of the matter is, he has felt no pleasure greater than me... he tells me this honestly and with great passion. He had a (very cold) wife before me, and one girlfriend he "went all the way" with before that. I have had only one person before him... that was my ex husband who was too obsessed with porn and gambling. I wanted a pure marriage, as I was a virgin... but it isn't what I got. The husband I have now, deeply wanted a "pure" relationship with me because he'd never had that and wanted it deeply. Unfortunately, or fortunately... we held too much fire for each other and ended up becoming too passionate before we got married. We have been together for 4 years and married for over 2. We are trying to fine tune things and get things back to a sense of normalcy after I had my c-section. In the midst of it, we've been talking about what we want in each other for our sex life. The ability to pleasure each other without needing to pleasure ourselves is one of the things we both have desire for. Because we've been working so hard on things and being a team, his mishap, on one of the most emotional days of the year for me, was definitely not the greatest timing... nor was it easy for either of us to come to an understanding because of everything involved. You see... I lost a baby in my previous marriage, to SIDS. I wish the research that is out on it now, had been more readily available the year I lost him. My daughter reached a milestone... she didn't die that day. She lived on. I didn't exactly expect her to pass away, but it made me think of my lost son and the experience of the day I lost him. So, I was celebrating, but grieving. Then to find out my husband had gone against an agreement we had made... and possibly lied about it was just icing on the cake. THAT was an AWFUL day for me. And I highly suggest those of you calling me controlling, please stop. Now that you have more of a scoop on what was going on, maybe you will look at people and their reasoning differently from now on. If God hadn't been in the midst of us when we prayed that day, I don't think we would have had the beautiful outcome we had. When my husband got home that day, he and I argued. And then he asked me to pray with him because I wasn't budging. I thought he had lied to me on the worst day ever. But what God revealed was more amazing than anything I would have originally thought was possible. Not only was my husband not lying, but, because of his sensitivity about it, I was being harsh on him. Also, that he was not understanding me on the level I needed him to, because as he continues to live day by day like normal, the trauma inside of me makes it difficult for me to keep up with him. He is leaving me behind, simply by not noting what I am going through and just shrugging it off like I should suck it up. That is debilitating me. But because I don't have the heart to tug on him and hold him back, I just allow him to move forward. It isn't fair to either of us because eventually, he will be hurt by my inability to keep up emotionally and we will end up broken... the both of us. So, we are working on basically uprooting all of the pain, the hurt and the conflict, facing it, then planting stronger roots on heartier ground. Sex isn't just sex, masturbation isn't just masturbation... our bodies are more sacred than that. We are human beings. Not machines. We are amazing, complex and filled with life. Sex is meant to be beautiful. And that is what we are working on building it to be in our marriage. I'm reading an amazing book right now, called "The 5 sex needs of men & women" by Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg. It's very eye opening. There is so much more to all of this than most of you realize. Perhaps, one day, it will be revealed to you as it has been to me. God has a reason for everything.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

NutsOrNot said:


> He refuses to see a doctor. I made an appointment for him. He said he didn't need that. I asked him to at least get labs done. Nope. He just wants to take the easy way out. I'm pretty sick of going without.
> 
> I'm not even sure he has ED. Although I wouldn't think a man would rather say that than address the problem.


it is fairly common for a man with true ED to hide away from sex. Sex is scary, you are asked to perform, and if you cant you feel shame. So run away.

BUT after admitting to you he had ED, THEN refuse to see a doctor about it....that is the most reidculous and selfish thing ever. Divorce his lazy azz...he could not care about you.

To the other posters...uh....you mean you really think Jesus would tell you not to masturbate? well......that is some crazy talk! especially if ONE OF YOU does not go along with that man-made teaching, and is forced into it by some koolaide drinking cultist.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

This was one very interesting thread to read. Personally?

I would never agree to a commitment to NOT masturbate. But that is just "me". My husband used to snoop around wondering if I was doing the SAME thing he was doing once upon a time ago. How dare he even suggest (and he didn't) he felt betrayal of any kind if I had been, and I had been. So what? I never agreed to Not do what he was, and still does. My husband began asking me if I ever thought about masturbating about ten twelve years ago out of fear. For sure reasons, we could not have sexual relations for an extended period of time was why he asked. I lied to him and told him I neither thought about nor did I masturbate. Both were lies. I was not about to set myself up to be grilled on the details. During that time I lied because I knew it would drive him up a wall to know I was "feeling it" when he could not. Prior to that period we had no problem whatsoever knowing the other masturbated. None at all. And don't now.

Here is what I know about my husband. Even if he swore on a stack of *I promise you I'm not doing it* notarized documents, I would know the man would be lying through his darn teeth in hopes I would believe him, and he hoping, I would NOT masturbate. Not happening. He has always loved his O's.  The only reason he would want me to agree to that kind of madness is, because he would not want me to "feel good" when he couldn't. And yes, I would certainly feel like he was trying to control my private *O* moments, if he dared make such a request. Don't he dare.  He can have at winking his all he wants to. I know what I said, I said winking it- 

To those who have made such a commitment as the OP. I have no problem with you.


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