# Need real life advise to help save my marriage



## vpm09 (Jan 13, 2010)

Coming from a man, this is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to admit to myself and to my wife. 

I have been married to my wife since April 2006. From 06-08 it was the best time that I have ever had in my life. I finally had the 1 person that I knew that I could spend the rest of my life with. 

In Oct 2007, my beautiful daughter was born. According to my wife, that's when I started to change. I turned 30, my job was starting to get rocky and my daughter was born. I believe that they are just excuses that can be used but I can't accept that being the only reasons.
I've always been the one that had control of my life and the one that anyone could come to if they needed anything. Then is where i started realizing that i was losing control of everything.
Instead of going to my wife and letting her help me as my partner in life and someone that could actually help me through it all, I kept her in the dark about it all. At the time I though I was protecting her from all of the problems that I told myself I would be able to fix before they got out of control. Looking back now I can see that that was the last thing I should have done. The words that I was saying to her were all lies!!! For some reason I couldn't see that then because in my mind I was doing the right thing by trying to protect her from the problems going down that I thought was y responsibility to handle.
To make a real long story short, one lie began to another and before I knew it felt I couldn't be honest without seeming like I have failed as a husband, father, and a man in general. I have recently opened my heart and told my wife everything that's went doesn't the past 2 years. I thinks it's to late now. She says that she's not sure if she can get over & past all that to continue with our relationship any longer. 
I deserve everything that is happening but that doesn't mean that I have to accept it lying down. The problem now is that everything that I seem to do lately is either making it worse or she says that I sucking up and it will all go back to the way they were. I'm taking measures to try & assure that it doesn't happen but I feel that it needs to be that it's something she wants also. Right?
I really need some advise or support to know that I'm actually doing this correctly???? Please comment & give me some feed back. If you need more details, just let me know & i will give you all the info you want. Thanks in advance

VPM 09


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## Dryden (Jan 5, 2010)

As a man, we feel like we have to have all of the answers and be everybody's hero. We don't realize that as a couple with have another rock that we can lean against when times turn rough. It sounds like you have come to that realization, and that's a great first step. 

You don't give too many details on what exactly went wrong and what you were being dishonest about. However, you've taken a step in the right direction by getting it out in the open. It's to be expected that your wife will feel hurt and angry at first. She is your partner and you've keep something hidden from her. All I can suggest is to support her with what she needs now. Make sure you've told her everything. Ask her what she needs from you to make it through this rough time. A lot of times all we need is some time. Time to process what's happened and come to terms with it. If you need to, seek some professional help for the problems that have crept up the past few years. Show a solid effort to better yourself and right the wrongs. 

In the end, even if the worst happens and you have to go your separate ways, you'll know that you're a better man than you were 2 years ago.


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