# how long should you wait to date after separation



## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

So after my wife strayed for a second time and i finally had enuf, we are separted for 5 months now and have our own homes. Just curious at what point is a good time to start dating.....i am dating right now but after the pain and hurt ive been thru it just seems as tho i cant get that feeling of love and excitement that I would normally have....people have said wait a year and have some fun before committing to someone. Idk thots?


----------



## MambaZee (Aug 6, 2013)

I'm not in your situation but I have a family member who dated while separated. I have to say we didn't look kindly on it since separated isn't divorced. Once she divorced, fine, go ahead and date. But it also sounds like you're not emotionally ready right now, so I would advise you to wait.


----------



## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

I've started dating at about 4 months after I moved out. In my state you cannot even file for divorce until proving that you've lived separately a year.

I felt totally ready, and I had no intention of wasting yet MORE precious time sitting around analyzing my disordered H/marriage. I also have no intention of being celibate for a year or more- for what exactly?

I can see waiting if you think there may be a reconciliation or if you feel too emotionally messed up to even handle dinner and drinks with someone. Otherwise, I would say go for it.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Separated ain't exactly divorced. The other spouse could use information in court about the fact that you are seeing other people while still being in a legally married state.

My advice? Just wait until the ink is fastly dried upon the divorce decree!


----------



## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

I think the key is to do what feels right for YOU and forget about random people pushing their own "shoulds" off on you.

If you're worried about possible ramifications in the divorce proceeding because you dated after separating (never heard of that personally but my divorce will be easy squeezy), ask someone who actually knows- your lawyer.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I didn't start dating for until 12 months post separation, no reason except I just didn't feel like it.

I also think why wait if you want to get back out there. IMO there is nothing immoral or wrong about it unless you are also trying to reconcile. Where I live there is absolutely no legal requirement to not date during separation.

If you are ready then go for it, if it doesn't provide any positive experience then give it a miss for awhile, you can pick it back up at a later time.

Me, well i had a blast when I finally got back out into the world, so many gorgeous men, so little time.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Holland said:


> I didn't start dating for until 12 months post separation, no reason except I just didn't feel like it.
> 
> I also think why wait if you want to get back out there. IMO there is nothing immoral or wrong about it unless you are also trying to reconcile. Where I live there is absolutely no legal requirement to not date during separation.


Unless you have a binding prenup, in Texas, it can have a marked effect in court proceeedings regarding such matters as community property, custody, and child support.

Most Texas family court judges resent the hell out of it. Here, it's far better to be safe than sorry!


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

When my first marriage came to an end, I wasn't in the right frame of mind because it was a nasty divorce and she was making my life miserable even after the divorce. It was maybe a year and a half later when I started to date a woman, and I kept her at arms length because I didn't want anything serious. It lasted for a while and ended but the point is, it's when you feel comfortable going out on a date. There's nothing wrong with a nice evening and if you want to keep it casual, it's within your rights to do so and let the lady know so she has an idea of what to expect because it's only fair.


----------



## Is It Just Me (Sep 8, 2012)

I think the only 'right' time is when you legitimately feel you are able and eager to put the proper care and nurture into a new relationship that it deserves.

It's not fair to the other person to date them when you're closed-off emotionally, distrusting of all of the opposite gender, and/or trying to keep up with an ex-spouse who has started dating themselves. Get your emotional issues in order before you go hurt an innocent person.


----------



## GoBlue (Feb 21, 2013)

It really depends on your circumstances, but generally when you feel happy and healthy again


----------



## lindaxak (Aug 9, 2013)

The other spouse could use information in court about the fact that you are seeing other people while still being in a legally married state.


----------



## Joannam (Aug 1, 2013)

lindaxak said:


> The other spouse could use information in court about the fact that you are seeing other people while still being in a legally married state.


Did I not read you said she cheated for the second time????? She was the one that broke the marriage contract in the first place. Therefore the is only formalities left. I think you need time to make sure you are ok with dating again. If it now then fine if not then if not take your time to have and maybe do a postmortem on the marriage. To understand what went wrong. Even if she cheated it takes two to make it work or fail.

Good luck and put yourself first as now is a time for healing.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

betrayed2013 said:


> Just curious at what point is a good time to start dating.....i am dating right now




I has a confused, as they say.

Just kidding.

Ok well yeah, of course you are not feeling the excitement, loving feelings because you have NOT processed your separation/divorce yet. Wait, you're not even divorced yet.

If you find yourself feeling this way, it's probably best NOT to date. Because you can't give the person you are dating your all. Not possible. And not fair to them, or you or life. 

So my advice: is to step back. Take sometime for yourself. Date yourself! 

When you are ready to date, you will know it. It will feel differently. You will open up to people. 

There is no right/wrong time. It is all about how you feel most comfortable. 

And it's clear that you are not there yet. Nothing wrong with that at all. We all heal/date at different paces.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Is It Just Me said:


> I think the only 'right' time is when you legitimately feel you are able and eager to put the proper care and nurture into a new relationship that it deserves.
> 
> It's not fair to the other person to date them when you're closed-off emotionally, distrusting of all of the opposite gender, and/or trying to keep up with an ex-spouse who has started dating themselves. Get your emotional issues in order before you go hurt an innocent person.


:iagree:


----------

