# A hug from my grandson - is that groping???



## Lilybird (Jan 1, 2022)

Is it normal for a 14-year-old affectionate boy to hug his 79 year-old grandmother? My husband (who has no children of his own) calls it 'groping' even though there was no sexual touch or implication. He doesn't want to see the boy again and suggests marital counseling. What do you think?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It’s normal if you have a 14 yr old grandson that loves you. The ones that just tolerate you, they give half hugs.

What’s the backstory on your husband? This sounds off.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I believe grandkids hugging their grandparents is a normal thing. What’s the rest of the story?


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

My teenage boys always hug grandma. I hug family, it's what we do.
A world without hugs would be awful, especially for older people that don't get enough comfort as it is.

The fact that he says he never wants to see the boy again, is an extreme reaction, if it was an affectionate hug.

Would he feel the same way if it was the other way around? If a granddaughter hugged a grandfather? 
Does he genuinely think groping occurred? Or is it that all hugging by males is groping? 
Does he himself ever hug or show affection to family?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Lilybird said:


> and suggests marital counseling.


That's interesting. So he thinks he has a story that an independent third party would take seriously?

Sure, agree to the counseling and see what he comes out with. The good questions people are asking on the thread, above, may get answered.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

I suppose it depends on the hug but a basic hug is not sexual. Your husband has a dirty mind. Counseling may be in order but not for the reasons he thinks.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I think the kid deserves a "that-a-boy" for showing affection to grandma. There has to be a story as to why your husband would say such a thing. Jealousy? Resentment? Or is he just a hater?


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## The IT Guy (Oct 17, 2020)

Not at all. And it’s ridiculous he even thinks that.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

What you have is a sick pathetic man with such sexual hang-ups that is showing. And you a woman of your age, I can believe that you let your sick pathetic spouse to tell you **** like this instead of shouting him down immediately. 

Why couldn't you tell your husband how sick his remarks were? Why you have to doubt yourself that you need to ask if this is normal or no?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

I'd say that you need to straighten your husband's a** out.
Short of a makeout session, there is nothing wrong with a grandson hugging his grandmother (or other family members doing the same either.)


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

That would set alarm bells off for me. Not towards my grandson, but my husband. Nothing wrong with grandson giving you a hug, even in his 20's 30's 40's. Your husband has a sick mind to come out with that ****. My son is 18 and still hugs me.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your husband is the one that needs counseling.... but not the marriage kind.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Lilybird said:


> Is it normal for a 14-year-old affectionate boy to hug his 79 year-old grandmother? My husband (who has no children of his own) calls it 'groping' even though there was no sexual touch or implication. He doesn't want to see the boy again and suggests marital counseling. What do you think?


A serious question from me would be... is your husband having mental difficulties at his age? I'm assuming he is of a similar age as you.


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## Lilybird (Jan 1, 2022)

I realized that a) he doesn't tolerate people invading his space and somehow interfering with his routine and habits. He doesn't like any guests in the house for more than 2 days. My husband is 80, I am 79.
As for my grandson, I do think he is jealous but it is partly due to the fact that we have not had any sexual relations since 13 years now due to a physical problem of mine. He does not want hugs and does not touch me at all because he thinks it will arouse him. This is the real problem. For the same reason he does not want to go anywhere where there might be dancing because he is afraid someone might ask me to dance (I love to dance!) As to his reaction of 'disgust', he does come from a very conservative midwestern background where people did not hug or touch each other. But still, a hug does not equate to groping. This is in his imagination. Thanks everyone for sharing your opinions.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Yeah. Accept his suggestion of counseling.


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## Lilybird (Jan 1, 2022)

TBT said:


> A serious question from me would be... is your husband having mental difficulties at his age? I'm assuming he is of a similar age as you.


I am considering this possibility but it doesn't show other than in increasing inflexibility and intolerance.


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## Lilybird (Jan 1, 2022)

Laurentium said:


> Yeah. Accept his suggestion of counseling.


I have made an appointment with a counselor next week.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Lilybird said:


> I realized that a) he doesn't tolerate people invading his space and somehow interfering with his routine and habits. He doesn't like any guests in the house for more than 2 days. My husband is 80, I am 79.
> As for my grandson, I do think he is jealous but it is partly due to the fact that we have not had any sexual relations since 13 years now due to a physical problem of mine. He does not want hugs and does not touch me at all because he thinks it will arouse him. This is the real problem. For the same reason he does not want to go anywhere where there might be dancing because he is afraid someone might ask me to dance (I love to dance!) As to his reaction of 'disgust', he does come from a very conservative midwestern background where people did not hug or touch each other. But still, a hug does not equate to groping. This is in his imagination. Thanks everyone for sharing your opinions.


Jealous of a grandson? Wow. Calling a hug from a grandchild groping is actually very disturbing.

As for the no sex for 13 years surely there are other things you can do?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Lilybird said:


> I realized that a) he doesn't tolerate people invading his space and somehow interfering with his routine and habits. He doesn't like any guests in the house for more than 2 days. My husband is 80, I am 79.
> As for my grandson, I do think he is jealous but it is partly due to the fact that we have not had any sexual relations since 13 years now due to a physical problem of mine. He does not want hugs and does not touch me at all because he thinks it will arouse him. This is the real problem. For the same reason he does not want to go anywhere where there might be dancing because he is afraid someone might ask me to dance (I love to dance!) As to his reaction of 'disgust', he does come from a very conservative midwestern background where people did not hug or touch each other. But still, a hug does not equate to groping. This is in his imagination. Thanks everyone for sharing your opinions.


No sex for 13 years? Have you also been unable to give him manual or oral sex? If I couldn't have normal intercourse, I would find other ways to be sexual with my partner that would please us both and keep us connected that way.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sounds like it's your husband's problem but, you know, he's 80. You already know what the underlying problem is so you can expect that to come up in counseling.

As long as it is just a hug and not any rubbing of any kind, it's just a hug.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Your husband has ISSUES!!

A grandson giving his grandmother a hug out of the kindness of his heart is construed as "groping"?? On top of that he wasn't told to give you a hug??

He doesn't want to be around him now? Great!! I wouldn't want my grandson exposed to him!!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> No sex for 13 years? Have you also been unable to give him manual or oral sex? If I couldn't have normal intercourse, I would find other ways to be sexual with my partner that would please us both and keep us connected that way.


He's 80! Very good chance he's all talk or that it would take an awful lot of work to get a rise out of him.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

WTF


Lilybird said:


> I realized that a) he doesn't tolerate people invading his space and somehow interfering with his routine and habits. He doesn't like any guests in the house for more than 2 days. My husband is 80, I am 79.
> *As for my grandson, I do think he is jealous but it is partly due to the fact that we have not had any sexual relations since 13 years now due to a physical problem of mine. He does not want hugs and does not touch me at all because he thinks it will arouse him. This is the real problem.* For the same reason he does not want to go anywhere where there might be dancing because he is afraid someone might ask me to dance (I love to dance!) As to his reaction of 'disgust', he does come from a very conservative midwestern background where people did not hug or touch each other. But still, a hug does not equate to groping. This is in his imagination. Thanks everyone for sharing your opinions.


Yeah, that's why. Makes sense. 

Recommend counselling for above issues.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

At 80 any number of things are possibilities for his behavior.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

What does he think the MC will say to a man who accuses a 14 year old boy of groping his 79 year old grandmother for having a hug. 
Then refuses to see him again. 

I hope you are still seeing your family. Goodness knows what your son/daughter, the boys parent would think if this. They would probably be horrified. 

How long have you been married? Has he ever acted this way towards family members before?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He's 80!


Who's 80? Did I miss something?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Laurentium said:


> Who's 80? Did I miss something?



@Lilybird's husband.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Glad you made the counseling appointment OP.

I hope the counselor is professional and doesn't laugh at him and ask him WTF for this.

I'm sure the counselor won't do that, but if your husband sticks it out with the counselor, me thinks you're going to find out about some issues.

It's wonderful that a 14 year old grandson is hugging grandma. Nothing wrong with that, in the slightest.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

an 80 year old jealous little man child. Yes, he certainly needs that counselling.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He's 80! Very good chance he's all talk or that it would take an awful lot of work to get a rise out of him.


TRUE. But I was thinking more along the lines of what they did to satisfy that need for eachother when they were 66 and 67yrs old, which is when it started.

And I had a great-uncle who was still having sex with his wife 3 times a week a 85yrs old...I remember hearing her complaining about it (in a funny way - I don't think she really minded) to her sister (my Nana)!!!! Lol!!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Lilybird said:


> Is it normal for a 14-year-old affectionate boy to hug his 79 year-old grandmother? My husband (who has no children of his own) calls it 'groping' even though there was no sexual touch or implication. He doesn't want to see the boy again and suggests marital counseling. What do you think?


Someone needs counseling but it's not you or your grandson.


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## Lilybird (Jan 1, 2022)

LisaDiane said:


> No sex for 13 years? Have you also been unable to give him manual or oral sex? If I couldn't have normal intercourse, I would find other ways to be sexual with my partner that would please us both and keep us connected that way.


He doesn't want either of the two you suggest.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lilybird said:


> Is it normal for a 14-year-old affectionate boy to hug his 79 year-old grandmother? My husband (who has no children of his own) calls it 'groping' even though there was no sexual touch or implication. He doesn't want to see the boy again and suggests marital counseling. What do you think?


This can't be real....


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a grandchild, of either gender, hugging a grandparent. Anyone who thinks there is needs serious help.



Lilybird said:


> I am considering this possibility but it doesn't show other than in *increasing inflexibility and intolerance.*


That said (what I said above), the bolded above can early warning signs of Alzheimers Disease or dementia. There's no "obvious" signs, but the person is aware that something isn't right and feel that they're losing control so become increasingly inflexible and intolerant. At 80, this is more than a possibility sadly. I think he needs medical intervention over counselling.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

frusdil said:


> There is absolutely nothing wrong with a grandchild, of either gender, hugging a grandparent. Anyone who thinks there is needs serious help.
> 
> 
> 
> That said (what I said above), the bolded above can early warning signs of Alzheimers Disease or dementia. There's no "obvious" signs, but the person is aware that something isn't right and feel that they're losing control so become increasingly inflexible and intolerant. At 80, this is more than a possibility sadly. I think he needs medical intervention over counselling.


Good call. That possibility slipped right by me.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Lilybird said:


> Is it normal for a 14-year-old affectionate boy to hug his 79 year-old grandmother? My husband (who has no children of his own) calls it 'groping' even though there was no sexual touch or implication. He doesn't want to see the boy again and suggests marital counseling. What do you think?


i am not following this
is the 14 year old your son? Your nephew? 

your hubby is cray cray


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> i am not following this
> is the 14 year old your son? Your nephew?
> 
> your hubby is cray cray


Original post says she's his grandma.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Original post says she's his grandma.


this is what i do not understand.
so it is her husband saying he can not stand to see her son anymore? 

kick him in the nads! the husband is a total jerk and a weirdo


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> this is what i do not understand.
> so it is her husband saying he can not stand to see her son anymore?
> 
> kick him in the nads! the husband is a total jerk and a weirdo


Sounds like he's being a big baby about the grandson and stuck on moaning that everything reminds him of sex. Hey he's 80 or thereabouts. I guess this means the grandson doesn't hug him.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sounds like they’ve been married for a long time, and OP is happy with him. If he’s a reasonable person normally, snd this behavior of his clearly isn’t reasonable——I agree it’s some sort of medical condition such as dementia affecting his judgement.
There’s no way a normal person would disapprove of a 79 year old grandma getting a hug from her grandson as she described.
Gotta be a medical problem.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Sounds like they’ve been married for a long time, and OP is happy with him. If he’s a reasonable person normally, snd this behavior of his clearly isn’t reasonable——I agree it’s some sort of medical condition such as dementia affecting his judgement.
> There’s no way a normal person would disapprove of a 79 year old grandma getting a hug from her grandson as she described.
> Gotta be a medical problem.


Thats why I asked if he had been like this before. No answer yet though.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Ok, I'm out because I'm completely confused about who's who. He's 80 and he has a 14yo son? Maybe the OP will clarify.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Laurentium said:


> Ok, I'm out because I'm completely confused about who's who. He's 80 and he has a 14yo son? Maybe the OP will clarify.


She has a 14 year old grandson. He has no children. She is 79 and he is 80.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> She has a 14 year old grandson. He has no children. She is 79 and he is 80.


OK, thanks. My bad.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Lilybird said:


> Is it normal for a 14-year-old affectionate boy to hug his 79 year-old grandmother? My husband (who has no children of his own) calls it 'groping' even though there was no sexual touch or implication. He doesn't want to see the boy again and suggests marital counseling. What do you think?


If hands are not going to arse, crotch, or in the case of women, chest then it's not groping. My father is in his 80's and he still takes hugs, and kisses, from his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, both boys and girls. I suggest that your husband seek counseling to find out what caused this misconception in him.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Sounds like they’ve been married for a long time, and OP is happy with him. If he’s a reasonable person normally, snd this behavior of his clearly isn’t reasonable——I agree it’s some sort of medical condition such as dementia affecting his judgement.
> There’s no way a normal person would disapprove of a 79 year old grandma getting a hug from her grandson as she described.
> Gotta be a medical problem.


She did say he came from a ultra conservative (which smacks of religious) family where touching and hugging was not allowed. It seems to me that this might be something ingrained from his youth. Although the question then arises as to whether this attitude has been there all along or only recently arose. This is obviously at least a second marriage for her, and could also be so for him, since she has kids and he does not. However, the dementia might have allowed something he normally kept suppressed come out


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## Lilybird (Jan 1, 2022)

Diana7 said:


> She has a 14 year old grandson. He has no children. She is 79 and he is 80.


 CORRECT! The boy is my grandson and is not related to my husband. My husband never had children from his first marriage. He has known my grandson since the child was a baby. I have 2 adult daughters and 2 grandchildren. They only come to visit us every 3 years or so as they live abroad, not in the US. I go to visit them usually 1x / year. 

I do think there is a slight mental decline but he refuses to go to a doctor or admit it. This suggestion only provokes intense anger. His behavior and judgments fits the criteria for mild cognitive impairment, but not (yet) dementia.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Lilybird said:


> CORRECT! THE BOY IS MY GRANDSON AND IS NOT RELATED TO MY HUSBAND. MY HUSBAND NEVER HAD CHILDREN FROM HIS FIRST MARRIAGE. I HAVE 2 ADULT DAUGHTERS + 2 GRANDCHILDREN.


Is he usually like this or is it a change in his behaviour?


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## Lilybird (Jan 1, 2022)

Diana7 said:


> Is he usually like this or is it a change in his behaviour?


It is an intensification of his usual personality traits, not really a change. He is a loner and doesn't like anyone staying in our house for more than 1-2 days.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Lilybird said:


> It is an intensification of his usual personality traits, not really a change. He is a loner and doesn't like anyone staying in our house for more than 1-2 days.


I really meant his comment about members of your family. Has he made such comments before about any of you hugging or whatever?


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