# Divorce is still on the table, move back or end things?



## GitanaGirasol (Apr 21, 2011)

I first posted last week about my husband and I. We lived in South America together until late Dec., when he went into my email and used emails with a friend out of context as a justification for telling both of our sets of parents that he wanted a divorce.

I went down for one month, Feb-March, to see how things were with him, since I've been at my parents' home in the US since the s*** hit the fan. We both started therapy seperately while apart. 

I returned to the States in March and have been here since. 

There has been constant fighting with my husband since I left in March, and he has refused to come see me in the US because he feels like he doesn't "owe it" to anyone, much less my parents, to make the effort to come here for even a long weekend. Even AFTER I said I would consider moving back to South America, but that I really wanted and needed him to come here for a visit, I needed to feel some sort of commitment on his part to make some effort in this too, no just him saying "yeh, come back."

We were in MC for the month I visited (he refused it the entire first 8 months of our marriage, when things were already rocky.) It was helpful, but then I left because I wasn't sure I wanted to be back there with him yet.

He throws around the word "divorce" like nobody's business and keeps saying he's done.

I struggle every day with wondering if it's just best to call the attorney and end things, because even though things have been so rocky I have the hope that we can pull through. (He was emotionally abusive, and though it's something that has gotten better with therapy, the scars for me are deep.)

In summary, I would have to be the one to suck it up and move back down there to give us any chance, but I don't want to mainly because I feel that he's not willing to even put in the effort to visit me here, so what shows me that he'll put the effort in once I move back with him?

The pressure is too much. Every day it's harder to hold onto any hope. I don't feel loved enough to move forward, but I also can't move to the step of going through with divorce.

Help.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

that D word is hard... 

For me it means I failed. I couldn't make it work. 

Well, thats what it used to mean, now I think it means, I'm strong enough to end it, to walk away, to know when its over. I'm strong enough to move on.

Trust your gut. If he is still throwing that D word around, hes not going to put the effort in to make it work.

I wish you luck, I know its hard but in the end I trust you will do whats right for you.


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