# the unknown



## Ident_unknown (Jul 2, 2012)

My girlfriend and I have been together for 15 yrs now and have a seven year old son. I'm a professional in a small town and very happy with my job, household and family life. My girlfriend drive's into town everyday and is a professional in the city. We moved from the city 10 yrs ago and she worked from home for the first eight.

Eight weeks ago over a bottle of wine during our dinner I talk to about working on our relations in terms of vacations without the boy, nights out and just together time in general. She agreed that this would be a good thing. Two weeks went past and everything was going great, even the bedroom time got more intense and frequent.

Then about two weeks into this, I notice a text message from a coworker that pops up on her smart phone. A little weird and personal but I don't think anything of it as I don't really know the context of the conversation. (nothing sexual) Then, another message. Lots of smiley's, lots of dear, lots of littles niceness's on his part. At this point, I can't keep but looking at her phone when it alerts.So I ask her what's going on. Nothing, she says. Then I get crap for her not being allowed to have a friendship with anyone.
I asked her if she thought that his wife would mind if she was to have seen the messages from her side. "Im sure that she wouldn't look, nor would she care, people are allowed to have opposite sex friends", she says. She made me think that I was crazy. Was she right, was I jealous of normal behaviour.

I apologized and told her that I wouldn't think anything of it. Continue.

One night, while in bed, she tells me that she needs some time to process what is going on in her head in terms of her job, time to produce art and her general life.

Then a week later we're have dinner out on the deck and she tells me that she's been offered a new position at work that would allow her to fast track to the top. Great, I thought, this is what you've wanted. She was suprised that I was okay with this and told me that she thought that I would have concerns about her time away from the family on trips and later nights.

If our time together is better and more heart felt, our time apart will be easier, I said.

She doesn't believe that I support this.

If this a big part of what you want to think about, I can really support this with your, I said. Well there is also the text message guy... What the F$%#!! Oh yes, BTW, his wife has seen the messages and is not happy. 

Maybe there's something there, she said. I time to process my mind.

Well, I no longer can help you with this, I say. You have to cut any potential emotions with this guy and get back on track, if you want me to help you.

She constantly tells me that I'm treating her like a 13 yr old. I'm not, I'm trying to help her to see things that she seems to be over looking.

At this point I was going to leave, but she left instead. She went to stay at her parents but a day after was offered up a place from a friend who was out of town for a week.

It's been three days...



We've had a tough time with our child at birth and then again at the age of three. We've been through a lot and I can understand how things can get confusing, but leaving your family? I'm trying hard to give her this time alone to process but am going a bit crazy myself. I've been to councelling, but she refuses. I'm starting to be able to accept the reality that this person no longer likes her life and may want a new beginning. What about me, we may ask. I don't know. I've only ever wanted to be with her, the way it was.

I don't know what's going to happen when she comes back, even if she says that she wants to be a family. I don't know.
I would need some pretty serious convincing.

Thanks for listening.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Dude,
Shes involved with someone else. I highly doubt that she is alone right now at some house a "friend who was out of town" offered.
For me, that would be the definitive moment of when the marriage ended. Tie up the loose ends, get your business in order and find out what your rights and obligations under your state law is regarding the divorce I see happening just like mine did.

I remember the cell phone txt msgs. The way my stomach sank into my leg every time I heard her inbox notification "ding", and then she'd go to the bathroom to answer or respond.
The utter disrespect and humiliation I felt. 
Take command of your accounts and your contingencies for the next several months. 
I feel for you man, this sounds exactly like my ex. 
Shes basically laid a plan for her to go see this guy, I doubt she has actually gotten an advancement at work.

dont beat yourself up, dont waste energy on anger or lashing out.
Control yourself and control this situation, and you will retain your dignity which after its all said and done, and you have moved on to a decent woman, is highly valued.


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## Ident_unknown (Jul 2, 2012)

Thanks.

I know that I may be in denial at this point, I'm just trying to figure out how to move forward.

I'm in Canada and we're common-law, which means that there was never a formal ceremony or documentation. For the Gov. it's just for tax purposes. We leave with what we came in with. The house is in both our names.

I think maybe its time that I call my one friend who'll give me a ***** slapping for this and tell me to get out. I've been avoiding him.

I really feel for how this going to affect my 7 yr old son.

Man.


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## Ident_unknown (Jul 2, 2012)

I'm having lots of mixed feelings lately, I know she's a good person. How could this happen?

I'm pretty damn sure that she's smart enough not to be with that other guy right now, she needs to figure out her head. At the very least, she has a son to think of, that she's aware that she would lose 50% of the time. I wouldn't stay with her for this reason myself, of course, but I do believe that it's enough to make her really want to think and understand what's going on in her head.

The texting started in April, I can tell from the increase ins and outs on the undetailed billing. Before April she was doing 50-60 txt's per month and in recent months it went to 700. I've seen some of these txt's on her phone and there just really friendly, but I don't know the context of them. I may just call his wife to find out if she knows anything more. I feel I need to know.

Meanwhile I'm off camping with my son for three days, in an area that is cut off from technological connection. Yey!

Then I come back to my home to see what's left. yey!

Maybe it's a hormonal imbalance on her part? she's 42.
God I feel for her. Must be lonely.

Yes, I feel for myself as well, but atleast I understand myself and what needs to be done.

Thanks for listening...


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