# She had sex with another man



## cowman (Aug 12, 2010)

Well, the truth always comes out. Wife had sex with another man. I have told her for 22 years, the only way I would leave her is if she cheated on me. Well she did. She confessed. I stayed calm down deep I couldn't believe it, and told her " Well you should get a bag packed and go somewhere because this is the end of the line". What do I do? Where do I start? I am in Canada. Separation agreement?? or What... Someone start leading me down the right roads.


John


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## kirst (Aug 19, 2010)

Hi John,
I'm sorry to hear about your wife cheating on you with another man, I know you have said the only way you will ever leave your wife is if she cheated. You will be in shock that she has betrayed you like this. All I can say is have time alone just now, think about what you really want. Can you trust her again? Can you both work it out? If you feel you can not work it out or trust her, I believe it would be over because once trust is broken...you will panic a lot and wonder what shes doing/who she is with and it is not a nice place to be. I hope you do figure it out and again sorry to hear about it


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

John,

My wife said the same thing to me. Cheating was the only thing she could not forgive. Yet she did and our marriage is stronger than ever. 38 years married.

The disintegration of a marriage is rarely one-sided. If you think 22 years can be brushed aside then separation/divorce is the thing to do. But I would urge you both to see a marriage counselor. Determine why this happened and whether you can salvage the marriage. You don't want to be a few years down the road wishing you didn't try everything you could to make it work.


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## beeberbean (Aug 19, 2010)

i am so sorry to hear what happened. if you feel that this is something that could completely throw this marriage out the window. i do know it is bad and a wrong choiceo n her end. but she did come clean


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I would say that you need to take your time, think everything through and don't rush to a decision. If you are set on the fact that you won't forgive her for this, then move forward. If you think there is anything worth trying to save, then come back in here and get a gameplan from all these wonderful people.


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## cantclearhead (May 1, 2010)

Cowman I went thru the same thing...My wife and I have been married for 40 years and I always said if she ever cheated on me I would be out the door.Well it happened and I am not out the door....It is not easy but if BOTH people want to make it work it can... It is not as easy to walk as some people think....If you truely love your wife you may come out with a better marriage than you ever had..We talk more than we ever have and thru counseling have found out that some people need more attention than they get it a 40 year marriage.......I would say to you do not walk away untill you atleast give it a try .............It may just work out good


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## I'mtired (Nov 15, 2011)

I am deeply sorry for what your wife did to you. I am guilty of the same thing. In 2004, i was knocked off my course and another man took full advantage of that. It nearly killed my husband. He was so heart broken and traumatized, in 2008, he cheated on me and got the girl pregnant, they aborted the baby, but he went back over and over again to satisfy his hurt. They dont see each other anymore, but i know they contact each other from time to time. coming from a woman, I should've never ever cheated on my husband. it has resulted into so many negative things that could've been avoided.But we decided to stick it out and work on fixing it. I must say, it's taking a while, but some progress is being made. we've been married for 15yrs.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I felt the same way yet here I am over 2 years post affair and having the best period of my marriage ever.

but that doesn't mean you can do the same (there are many factors at play, the most important thing being your needs and whether or not your wife is willing to do the heavy lifting)

I suggest you head on over to the infidelity section


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## I'mtired (Nov 15, 2011)

I will go there to share my story, maybe it will help someone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Cowman, I'll go for the jugular here: Is there a chance that she wanted out of the marriage, and felt that this would ensure a "clean break"?


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

You folks are better people than me I guess. Infidelity exposes you to disease, depression and possible financial destruction. While I won't discourage anybody from seeking IC or MC, make sure to cover your bases in and speak to a lawyer.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

In Canada you need to start out with a separation agreement and separate for one year. After that, you can file for divorce. If your separation agreement is amical to both parties after the one year, you can use that as your legal divorce agreement too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Sanity said:


> You folks are better people than me I guess. Infidelity exposes you to disease, depression and possible financial destruction. *While I won't discourage anybody from seeking IC or MC, make sure to cover your bases in and speak to a lawyer.*



I agree completely

and everyone has their own choice to make and what they can live with, I've always said that I am not so much with convincing someone to R or D but rather help them get to where they are going faster as limbo is hell


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> In Canada you need to start out with a separation agreement and separate for one year. After that, you can file for divorce. If your separation agreement is amical to both parties after the one year, you can use that as your legal divorce agreement too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If she is willing to sign an affidavit of adultery you can waive the 12 month waiting period. If she isn't willing to admit her affair to the court and you are otherwise amicable and uncontesting I'd suggest to wait it out rather than go to the expense and trouble of taking it to court (you will need a long time to recover anyways and really the only reason you'd technically need the "divorce" decree is for your own closure or if you wanted to remarry right away). If your divorce is contested, I'm not sure how much better off you'd be by bringing up evidence of her adultery but your lawyer would. I'm in SK and going through this process right now (uncontensted, she is willing to sign affidavit).

But before you put the cart before the horse, make sure you know what you want and are willing to give so you can decide if you want to D or R, or even just stay in limbo. Don't worry about what you said before, what matters is what you believe now - however it takes both spouses to keep the marriage together. Perhaps she was calling your bluff and had an "exit affair" or maybe she was more invested in the affair, in which case she will be in what we call "the fog" meaning you are nowhere in her field of vision right now so there is nothing you can do to restore her attraction to you except to make sure the affair is over (by your actions even) and make sure she stays remorseful while it lifts for her.

If she doesn't show remorse then, I'm sorry to say, she really is done. Make sure to put yourself first in all of this, don't accept the blame for her decision, don't rely on her recollection of events in the marriage because she is rewriting it to justify her behavior, and if she's done it means stop accomodating her needs (as it seems you are willing to do based on telling her to leave and sticking by your deal-breaker).


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Keep in mind that this is an old post. In internet years, more like a hundred years old, maybe?


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## I'mtired (Nov 15, 2011)

Okay
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Halien said:


> Keep in mind that this is an old post. In internet years, more like a hundred years old, maybe?


d'oh!!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> d'oh!!


I say unless you are a new poster we should adopt a 1 strike and you're out policy. Look at the date people.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> d'oh!!


me too


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I say unless you are a new poster we should adopt a 1 strike and you're out policy. Look at the date people.


I once spent almost an hour on a passionate reply to a post before realizing that it was really old, but rehashed. My best advice so far, and the guy was probably already divorced and married again ...


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

As Rob Schneider said in "The Water Boy":

Oh no! We suck again!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

HA!!

It wasn`t me this time.


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