# Why am I feeling so guilty?



## mbear (May 9, 2013)

Just a bit of history...I separated from my husband about 2 weeks ago. He knew I was going to move out and he watched me pack my things. I left him.

We have been married 21+ years and he recently was diagnosed with HIV (I am negative) and from this many secrets and lies came out. I was not happy in our marriage and his use of narcotics due to a serious injury 4 years ago and him not working was getting in the way and he wasn't willing to try and do anything about it.

I have been feeling guilty about everything. Will this feeling go away? He texts me on occasion and I usually respond but limited replies. Our children are living with me (they are 20 and 17) but go and visit him regularly. How do I move on? I still have feelings for him cause 21+ years can not go away over night. Is it normal to feel this way?


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Ugh. That's terrible.

I'm just so sorry you're having to go through this.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

mbear said:


> Just a bit of history...I separated from my husband about 2 weeks ago. He knew I was going to move out and he watched me pack my things. I left him.
> 
> We have been married 21+ years and he recently was diagnosed with HIV (I am negative) and from this many secrets and lies came out. I was not happy in our marriage and his use of narcotics due to a serious injury 4 years ago and him not working was getting in the way and he wasn't willing to try and do anything about it.
> 
> I have been feeling guilty about everything. Will this feeling go away? He texts me on occasion and I usually respond but limited replies. Our children are living with me (they are 20 and 17) but go and visit him regularly. How do I move on? I still have feelings for him cause 21+ years can not go away over night. Is it normal to feel this way?


I am sorry you are here. Please know that your feelings of guilt are unfounded, HE is the one who has betrayed the marriage, you have done what is needed for YOUR own well being and peace. Of course after all these years you still have feelings for him, what you are feeling is normal. Focusing on what got you where you are NOW will help you do what is needed to move forward.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I think it is totally normal to feel this way. It sounds like you are feeling guilty that you couldn't "put up" with more, and try to remember that's not being fair to yourself, or your family. You have every right to say you've had enough, even with someone you still care for very deeply. I'm getting out of a 27 year marriage and it takes more than a weekend to unravel a relationship that's lasted half my life. Keep breathing. Keep busy. Do things for you and limit your communication with him as much as possible. If the feelings don't let up, consider counseling. You can make it.


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## mbear (May 9, 2013)

Well to update...it has been 2 months since I left and the guilt comes and goes but is getting much better.

I don't want to be nasty but how do I get him to stop texting me and calling me? The texts about how "he loves me and misses me" are upsetting me, making me mad. I am not in IC but have upcoming appointment to see my family physician about this. Unfortunately, I am unable to afford it at this time as I am the sole supporter of myself and 2 kids. (My doctor was a good source a few years ago when I was going through a personal struggle relating to my workplace.) I have also been getting out with friends more and they have been a great support.

I just want him to stop with these types of texts. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I am sorry you are working through guilty feelings. He was not taking responsibility for his life. He was putting you through a life of misery and despair. That's horrible.


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