# Had a good day yesterday...today I'm falling apart :(



## faith07 (Aug 25, 2011)

I felt so strong yesterday, I didn't shed a single tear even when my husband came to pick up the kids for the week-end. Today, I can't stop crying. I miss my kids. I'm driving myself crazy wondering if the OW is around them and what they are doing. This is the first time my husband has taken them over night and its killing me. They don't come back until tomorrow evening.


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## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

It sounds like you are experiencing the same thing I did the first weekend my STBXH took my son. When our marriage was "good" and he didn't stray I was the primary care giver. When my son wasn't at daycare he was with me. I did the drop offs and pick ups, I did the swim classes and birthdya parties. When H did take care of him it was because I had to travel for work, about once a year for 3 -4 days. Those days were always follwed by him escaping for a couple days not wanting to spend time with me because he missed me.

My first weekend without him for shared parent time, was very tough. I tried to busy my schedule made a girlfried date and a hair appointment. I felt like I was lost without my sons schedule to keep. I was in bed by 8:30 because I was tired of worrying about my son and the OW. 

Its one of the hardest things feeling so out of place in your own life. I have come to realize that I lost myself in my role as mom a long time ago. I dont know who I am when I'm not Mom. I think the best thing you can do is to try and keep busy. Make plans in advance so you have places to be, and get your mind off the things you can't control. Focus on yourself, and doing things for you. 

That will help in lots of ways. Good luck.


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## faith07 (Aug 25, 2011)

Thanks! I am trying to stay busy. So far, I have rearranged the livingroom, washed already clean floors, done laundry, reorganized my closet and all four of my kids rooms and am now contemplating painting the livingroom. I have been a stay at home mom for 10 years and like you lost myself in the mom role. Every waking moment I have is always with my children, dance classes, gymnastics, soccer, karate, kick boxing...I never have time for me. I did use to complain about it but now that I have it I don't know what to do with myself. I am going out for a girls night tonight, but that's still 6 hours away...


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## drsparkle (Aug 7, 2011)

Gosh this must be so hard for you. This first weekend will be the hardest, who ever they see you are their mother and you will never be replaced. 

Perhaps use the time to ring and speak to some girlfriends you have not caught up with, watch a chick flick, have a long bath with candles, got for a slow walk, go swimming. Just try to take some time for yourself with out feeling guilty. This can be 'your' time and in a few weeks you might really begin to enjoy this time and treasure it. 
Don't feel under pressure to fill the time, as a mum you are used to be on the go all the time so stopping is going to be hard. 

Big hugs. Have fun tonight. x


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## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

Glad your having a girls night! Don't feel bad if you spend lots of time talking about your situation. Its good to get it out, and you'll feel stronger about it the more time your tell it. I am not there yet, but I have heard from others that soon enough you'll get tired of talking about it. Right now its ok to be selfish and allow your friends to be there for you.

I still have lots of people who continue to come out of the woodwork when I tell them about my divorce. It still suprises me. When I first found out my STBX was having an A, I thought I didn't have anyone but him. I didn't allow myslef to keep uo with friends in my relationship. I gave my entire seldfto my husband and my family. Now that I do have times wihtout my son, I have people offering all the time to help out and take him for me if I nee dsome time alone. I always laugh and say, I have more time now without him then I want or ever had before.


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