# Going through a divorce.



## ffcotterill (Aug 30, 2012)

Hi All, 

I'm new to this whole spilling my feelings to an internet community thing. So bare with me.

I'm a 26 year old male, with a 3 year old boy, and a 5 year old girl. My wife and I have had a horrible marriage. 5 years of it. Believe it or not, it was getting better, at least I thought.

My wife has been sick for about a year and half... Something with her stomach. No doctor, can figure out what is wrong. She's always miserable from it. I've tried my best to support her, and figure out what is going on, but she doesn't listen to anything I have to say. I tell her to start eating right, she doesn't like that idea, I tell her to stop taking all the pain medication, she doesn't like that idea. 

I let her quit her job, so she could stay at home with the children, but apparently that is to much for her to handle. I work 12 hours a day, so naturally when I get home, I'm beat. I feel like getting a shower, and hitting the sack. But no, She has a headache, and her stomach is bothering her. So, I have to do all the chores, and get the kids in bath and bed and such.

I'm not martyr, not by a long shot. About 2 years ago, she left me for about 5 months. Moved in with some guy, she still won't admit it, but I know better. So I started dating, and as such I didn't hide it, and of course she found out, and had and absolute fit. We started getting counselling, and everyone we talked to with that said 'Hey, You left him, He can do whatever pleases him relationship wise' 

Another reason I haven't been a martyr. I was verbally abusive for about 2 years. But again there was a trigger. She would be down all day, and at the end of the day, I would finally have enough and tell her what I thought, and usually it wasn't all that pleasant. But, I was sick of it. So I let her have it. 

But now on to the present. I was outside working on my motorcycle, and she was having one of her gloomy days, and she comes out and asks me 'Are you happy?' and I said 'At this point in time, not really, but ill deal with it' and she said 'Alright, I'm going to get ahead and pack my stuff and leave then.' And off she went.

So, now she wants a divorce come hell or high water. I've given up of all hope, and im going to give her want she wants. But, that doesn't make it any less painful. I'm irate, sad, and remorseful, all wrapped into one little ball. I don't know what i'm suppose to be thinking, I don't know what I'm suppose to be doing. I just want this all to end.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

ffcotterill said:


> Hi All,
> 
> I'm new to this whole spilling my feelings to an internet community thing. So bare with me.
> 
> ...


Sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like your wife needs some professional help. Did anyone suggest that the stomach pains might be psychosomatic? Whether they are or not, it still sounds like she needs some counselling.

Your life with her was miserable. What hope have you given up? That you can work things out? If so, why would you want to? I'm not trying to be mean, just to understand where you are coming from. Do you love her? Do you want to be together for the kids? 

Do you have the kids? has she contacted you or them since she moved out?

Tell us a little more.


----------



## forumman83 (Aug 12, 2012)

FFC it sounds like your wife suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. It is also likely that you would be classified as CODEPENDENT.

First thing to do is read the Codependent article here on TAM. Then start informing yourself about BPD.

Keep us posted on progress.


----------

