# travel issues



## rico logger (Sep 23, 2015)

Last time my wife and I traveled was during our honeymoon. That was 3 years ago. She constantly pesters me that she would like us to travel. I promise her we will, when our kids grow up and when the business does better. We have 2 kids, both less than 3 years old. That really takes a toll on our finances. She understands when I explain it to her. But once in a while she brings it up again, especially when she finds out some of her friends will be travelling. I understand we can go somewhere near and inexpensive, but I just can't leave the business. It's just not yet possible. We go out every week by the way, usually to the mall. I really try to make it fun. But what my wife wants is a real vacation. I just can't do that. What do I do? Sometimes it hurts me when she compares herself to one of her friends who have a rich husband and can afford constant travelling.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

I feel for you. I'm on your side, really. BUT, you ought to at least try to give her something, before this turns into a big resentment issue. As much as you are focused on success, she is focused on this, probably.

Fall is coming on fast. Find somewhere you can go just for a couple days. Good weather, look at the scenery, go to a kid's museum, see some animals, find a fun park, low key stuff. Whatever your business is, it can survive for a couple days.

If you had a sudden emergency, you'd go, and it would be alright. This way, at least you can plan. Let you customers/clients know you have to go play daddy a couple of days. They won't think the worse of you.

Whatever you do will be exasperating with kids that young. One trip will probably convince your wife that waiting a couple years for something more substantial is a good idea.

You don't get second chances to return to your kids early years. Make sure you take them out for breakfast. Women love that.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Why does she want to travel, what's the motivation? ....Is it that she needs a break and relaxation, is it that she wants excitement and adventure, is it that she wants quality time with you (or as a family) outside of routine? Maybe it's a combination of factors.


She constantly 'pesters' you, so this is important to her. I have friends who travel with babies. Further trips away don't necessarily need to be expensive. Closer trips don't either. It doesn't sound like she wants constant traveling, she wants a vacation and the last one was 3 years ago. There's nothing unreasonable about that. Would she be agreeable to a camping road-trip? Do you feel that your business needs you 7 days a week? What does that mean to you? 

What prevents you from being motivated together to get creative and make this happen?

Gosh, so many questions..!


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

> I promise her we will, when our kids grow up and when the business does better.


Promises, shmarises, what you need are goals. Right now all she hears is "someday soon" but "soon" is not defined. Work together to define "soon" by 1) figuring out where she wants to go on vacation, 2) how much it's going to cost, 3) budgeting for a vacation savings plan, 4) determining "soon" based on the savings accrual rate. In other words, if her vacation is going to cost $4,000, and you can rework your spending budget to put $40 a week into a vacation savings plan, then your vacation should become reality in approximately 1.9 years. Voila! 

By taking action now, you demonstrate to her that you're not dishing out empty promises to get her to stop nagging, her concerns are being heard, and she's a priority in your life that you take seriously.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Travel doesn't need to be far or expensive. Tell your spouse what budget you have to work with and then take a long weekend somewhere in state as a compromise until you can afford to do more down the road.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think travel (like sex) is very important to some people and not for others. My wife was very unhappy that we had to delay our 3rd international trip this year. We are very well matched in that we both love to travel - have the (mythical) "explorer gene). Other people are happy to never travel - don't see the point.

Fortunately travel isn't like sex - it doesn't need to be exclusive. Can she travel with one of her girlfriends?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Lila said:


> Promises, shmarises, what you need are goals. Right now all she hears is "someday soon" but "soon" is not defined. Work together to define "soon" by 1) figuring out where she wants to go on vacation, 2) how much it's going to cost, 3) budgeting for a vacation savings plan, 4) determining "soon" based on the savings accrual rate. In other words, if her vacation is going to cost $4,000, and you can rework your spending budget to put $40 a week into a vacation savings plan, then your vacation should become reality in approximately 1.9 years. Voila!
> 
> By taking action now, you demonstrate to her that you're not dishing out empty promises to get her to stop nagging, her concerns are being heard, and she's a priority in your life that you take seriously.


I think this is a good idea - plan a vacation and make her a part of the planning and the saving. 

A weekend trip could also help.

This, on the other hand, sounds odd to me:



> We go out every week by the way, usually to the mall.


The mall doesn't sound in any way like "going out" to me. That's where I go if I absolutely have to in order to buy something. I'd suggest planning some other types of evenings out. Mix it up and make it more interesting.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You can start small. Get a babysitter and take a day trip together. Get in the car. Bring bikes or a big picnic lunch. Go hiking, kayaking, check out a winery if they're still open for season. The possibilities are endless and time together to bond is the important thing, not what you do.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

All good points made by the other posters. I wonder if she may also be feeling thats he is missing quality one-on-one time with you?


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