# Cell phones and kids



## gav (Nov 13, 2011)

I have two daughters, 14 and 12. They currently share a simple phone but now that oldest is a Freshman, we need them both to have one.

Up till now, we've drawn a line at any phone with a camera, but we're wondering if we're being a bit strict there. Letting them have some more modern phones might be a good plan.

Are there any smart phones (or at least not dumb phones) that have good parental control options, ideally letting us see the content of text messages, etc? 

Having GPS call back type functionality that lets us get alerted if they leave the areas they're supposed to be in would be good too...

Thanks!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Any Android phone will allow you with some software to dump the text messages that are still on the phone. Sprint offers the family locator service for $10/month which can plot the location of phones on a map. Not so sure about boundary limits. Sounds like a service and not an app. For a camera - jab a small screwdriver the lens and break it. 

You'd have to check to see what parental controls there are to prevent message or phone log deletion. I have no idea.


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## Lovely71 (Nov 24, 2011)

Here in Canada I have access to my kids phones and can check their text messages if I want to since they are under my name. I get this from contacting the phone company though. It is important to explain to them their text messages can be used against them in a court of law and that usually sends them a strong message. The RCMP have done a great job telling the students about text messaging too. I don't know about the US and the controls there. It depends on the phone company, your laws and the privacy act.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

gav said:


> I have two daughters, 14 and 12. They currently share a simple phone but now that oldest is a Freshman, we need them both to have one.
> 
> Up till now, we've drawn a line at any phone with a camera, but we're wondering if we're being a bit strict there. Letting them have some more modern phones might be a good plan.
> 
> ...


Is there a reason you don't want them to have a camera phone? Also, I'm a firm believer in privacy, even at that age, so I have to ask, is there a reason you don't want them to have their privacy? Have they done something untrustworthy that warrants the watchful eyes of their text messages?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

None of the kids in my family had cell phones, until we were working part time jobs to pay them OURSELVES. My parents were trying to teach us to be responsible and it paid off.

My mother never allowed us our privacy and all it did was make us want to get away as soon as we could. She went through our schoolbags, our drawers and even my journal.

Parents have the right to know what their children are up to. The challenge is being involved without being too intrusive.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

FirstYearDown said:


> My mother never allowed us our privacy and all it did was make us want to get away as soon as we could. She went through our schoolbags, our drawers and even my journal.
> 
> Parents have the right to know what their children are up to. The challenge is being involved without being too intrusive.


That's how my mom was too. My oldest daughter has had a cell phone for since she was 12. I have never gone through her phone, and the only times I've even checked her call log is when she took over an hour responding to me if I tried to call or text her and that was because I was worried about her. I don't know, I just never had privacy as a child/tween/teenager, and that's something I don't want my kids to experience with me as their mom. But I know each family is different and they have different ways of doing things.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

We've told all our kids they can certainly get a smart phone if they want one under two conditions. 

1. They buy the phone
2. They pay the $30/month services fee

They are all staying very happy with their Sansung Convoys. Funny how less important things can become when you ask people to pay for it out of their own pockets.


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## gav (Nov 13, 2011)

Cherry said:


> Is there a reason you don't want them to have a camera phone? Also, I'm a firm believer in privacy, even at that age, so I have to ask, is there a reason you don't want them to have their privacy? Have they done something untrustworthy that warrants the watchful eyes of their text messages?


Why no cameras? They're daughters, and we try not to provide an opportunity to fail in such a way that can follow them the rest of their life. They're too young for that still.

As far as privacy, I think there's a big difference between privacy and secrecy. They have privacy, but we're entitled to know about things that go on under our roof or with our children, and secrecy is absolutely not permitted. When they move out, then that's their call.

As parents it is our role to protect our children and teach them appropriately. Knowing what's going on is a critical part of that. Children knowing where the fences are and that mom and dad enforce those fences is a key tenet in our parenting philosophy.

That said, your opinion is certainly valid, so don't get me wrong ... I just think 'different strokes for different folks' when it comes to parenting philosophies.


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## gav (Nov 13, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> Parents have the right to know what their children are up to. The challenge is being involved without being too intrusive.


:iagree:

This is the exact line you have to draw ... and it's also important to remember that the line DOES move as the child matures. It's just as dangerous to shelter your kid for 18 yrs and drop them into the world as it is to let them roam free doing whatever they want.

We're also pretty up front with our kids about why we check up on things, why we draw the lines where we do, and above all, why we moved the lines. I think that knowing they can get more leeway by showing more maturity in thought processes and decision making has been a huge boost for them, since it lets them feel empowered instead of ruled.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Oh my. Cell phones for kids.
Texting goes to town and a lot of it increasingly is nasty/crude/etc.

But. That is just the way it is as they get into it as teens.
Just know that. Once the gate is open......off they go into that land and you can not control the content after a certain juncture. K?

It happens to them all. 

ick.


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## Michelle27 (Nov 8, 2010)

I got my oldest a cell phone when she was about 12 and was training several days a week in another city probably half hour away from mine. I wanted to be able to contact her easily if there was a change in plans with who was picking her up etc. as there were about 4 of us parents all taking turns. She is 17 now and while she trains closer to home now, we lead busy lives with me working full time, her training and her sister's schedule. I have peace of mind knowing I can get a hold of her when she's out with friends or if she needs to get a hold of me anytime. The rule has always been that I have access to her phone at any time and can look through it whenever I want. 

As for a camera....most kids have Ipods and the newer ones all have cameras, so I don't think that the one on the phone would be a problem. I'm pretty sure with my plan I can also block picture transfers to avoid the kinds of problems that I think the OP is worried about.


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## tk421jag (Nov 29, 2011)

Virgin Mobile has some great Android phones that you can customize for each of your daughters. I got my wife one last weekend that had unlimited data, text, internet, and 300 mins for only $35. The phone itself was normally $120, but I got it for $50 on sale (LG Optimus V). It's a nice phone too. Has a camera, SD card slot, and yes it does play angry birds and tons of other things.

You'll find that there are all kinds of parental apps for Android. Most are free.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

gav said:


> Up till now, we've drawn a line at any phone with a camera, but we're wondering if we're being a bit strict there. Letting them have some more modern phones might be a good plan.


Having a phone with a camera was a requirement for us as parents. A number of years ago my wife was in an automobile accident. After the file was submitted the other driver claimed it was her fault, but my wife had taken pictures right afterward that proved otherwise. Saved us a lot of hassle and money. We passed this along to our kids that if you have an accident get photos with your phone..


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

My girls just got their first phones.

The best thing about the phones is that its something else I can threaten to take away from them in order to get their attention!

Youngest is 9 - the texting is getting to be a bit much.

I actually thought they would use their camera's more. I remember as a kid, being told to NOT take too many pictures - since you had to buy new flash bulbs, and had to pay for the WHOLE ROLL to be developed. Nowadays - let them snap away! Never know - you may have a future photographer on your hands!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I understand the concern you have for your daughters, and in this day and age of smartphones, texting and SEXTING seems to be all the rage with teenagers nowadays. 

IF you decide to to get them phones, which are actually needed in today's world, then I would go with iPhones, but under these conditions:

1. That YOU and only YOU have access to the iTunes account and that you set it up for them. That way they cannot load any chat apps without you knowing.

2. That you will sync their phones to your computer on a weekly basis.

Why? Because you will be able to access the backup data. Any deleted texts will be accessible to you using programs like iPhone Backup Extractor, Mobile Sync Browser, etc. Here's a sample of iPhone Backup Extractor:










If you get them an android or blackberry type phone, there are cell phone monitoring software like:

Mobile Spy - Monitor SMS Text Messages, Call Info and GPS Locations on iPhone, BlackBerry, Android, Windows Mobile and Symbian OS Smartphones. Spy Software for Monitoring your Cell Phone

and 

Cell Phone Spy | Spy Mobile Phone Software | Cell Phone Tracker App for iPhone, Blackberry, Android, Symbian/Nokia Spyware

These are often used to monitor children's activities. To use these on iPhones, you will have to jail break the iPhone, if you know how to do that. For Androids, you may have to root the phone. If they complain about privacy, sorry, they have no expectation of privacy until they are adults and are paying for the plans themselves.


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