# Possible cheating wife!



## SickBoy777 (3 mo ago)

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some advice regarding my situation with my wife. Married 17 years and two young children. I am 49 and wife is 46. Very solid marriage up until a year ago. Wife’s libido skyrocketed which was great, but apparently I wasn’t able to keep up though we did and still have sex multiple times a week. Another thing that changed is her drinking. She was a light drinker until a year ago and now she drinks several days/nights a week. She also picks fights with me when drunk. Says I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her and that I’m a poser, a fake. She’ll say she hates me also when drunk. Never says these things sober. She also stated, while drunk, that she wants an open marriage so she can feel desired by a man again. She never brought that up again after that though. Now, several months later I suspect something going on. She frequently travels for business and last trip she packed sex pills and very sexual lingerie. She immediately put the lingerie and sex pills back(she didn’t use the pills I guess) and left everything else from her luggage laying there. And I know that at least one piece of lingerie, that was new, was worn on that trip. She has also been texting and calling this older guy and deleting the texts and calls. She never deletes anything usually. I only saw a brief text exchange and there was nothing sexual except he had sent and emoji blowing a heart kiss. Clearly the previous texts were deleted. Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late. I have not confronted her because I’m in Eyes Open Mouth Shut phase and don’t want to tip her off until I find out what is going on. I hate to be the type to snoop or put a tracking device on her, but I feel that’s the only way I’ll get answers. Any advice would be helpful. Perhaps I’m overreacting. 
it also seems like a midlife crisis thing. She’s gotten in great shape at the gym, we both have, and shopping and getting hair done a lot.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

If your best friend just shared all of this information with you. What advice would you give him?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Wow!

So many red flags are flying, they are blocking out the Sun.

Yes, keep EyesOpen, MouthShut.

If you play detective, the truth will soon be evident.

Get your waddling, overladen, divorce ducklings in order.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

SickBoy777 said:


> Hi everyone,
> I’m looking for some advice regarding my situation with my wife. Married 17 years and two young children. I am 49 and wife is 46. Very solid marriage up until a year ago. Wife’s libido skyrocketed which was great, but apparently I wasn’t able to keep up though we did and still have sex multiple times a week. Another thing that changed is her drinking. She was a light drinker until a year ago and now she drinks several days/nights a week. She also picks fights with me when drunk. Says I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her and that I’m a poser, a fake. She’ll say she hates me also when drunk. Never says these things sober. She also stated, while drunk, that she wants an open marriage so she can feel desired by a man again. She never brought that up again after that though. Now, several months later I suspect something going on. She frequently travels for business and last trip she packed sex pills and very sexual lingerie. She immediately put the lingerie and sex pills back(she didn’t use the pills I guess) and left everything else from her luggage laying there. And I know that at least one piece of lingerie, that was new, was worn on that trip. She has also been texting and calling this older guy and deleting the texts and calls. She never deletes anything usually. I only saw a brief text exchange and there was nothing sexual except he had sent and emoji blowing a heart kiss. Clearly the previous texts were deleted. Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late. I have not confronted her because I’m in Eyes Open Mouth Shut phase and don’t want to tip her off until I find out what is going on. I hate to be the type to snoop or put a tracking device on her, but I feel that’s the only way I’ll get answers. Any advice would be helpful. Perhaps I’m overreacting.
> it also seems like a midlife crisis thing. She’s gotten in great shape at the gym, we both have, and shopping and getting hair done a lot.


How much evidence do you need?

It seems really obvious to me that’s she actively cheating.

Drop the bomb and let her move in with that guy if she wants.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

SickBoy777 said:


> Hi everyone,
> I’m looking for some advice regarding my situation with my wife. Married 17 years and two young children. I am 49 and wife is 46. Very solid marriage up until a year ago. Wife’s libido skyrocketed which was great, but apparently I wasn’t able to keep up though we did and still have sex multiple times a week. Another thing that changed is her drinking. She was a light drinker until a year ago and now she drinks several days/nights a week. She also picks fights with me when drunk. Says I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her and that I’m a poser, a fake. She’ll say she hates me also when drunk. Never says these things sober. She also* stated, while drunk, that she wants an open marriage so she can feel desired by a man again*. She never brought that up again after that though. Now, several months later I suspect something going on. *She frequently travels for business and last trip she packed sex pills and very sexual lingerie*. She immediately put the lingerie and sex pills back(she didn’t use the pills I guess) and left everything else from her luggage laying there. And I know that at least one piece of lingerie, that was new, was worn on that trip. *She has also been texting and calling this older guy and deleting the texts and calls.* She never deletes anything usually. I only saw a brief text exchange and there was nothing sexual except he had sent and emoji blowing a heart kiss. Clearly the previous texts were deleted. Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late. I have not confronted her because* I’m in Eyes Open Mouth Shut phase and don’t want to tip her off until I find out what is going on*. I hate to be the type to snoop or put a tracking device on her, but I feel that’s the only way I’ll get answers. Any advice would be helpful. Perhaps I’m overreacting.
> it also seems like a midlife crisis thing. She’s gotten in great shape at the gym, we both have, and shopping and getting hair done a lot.


So I’m confused by the last thing in bold. How do you not know at this point, what is going on? It’s crystal clear to me: She banging other guys.

Immediately file for divorce if you’re in a no fault state. Open and shut Case. Either remain a cuckholded husband or divorce her.


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## MrBigBull (6 mo ago)

SickBoy777 said:


> Hi everyone,
> I’m looking for some advice regarding my situation with my wife. Married 17 years and two young children. I am 49 and wife is 46. Very solid marriage up until a year ago. Wife’s libido skyrocketed which was great, but apparently I wasn’t able to keep up though we did and still have sex multiple times a week. Another thing that changed is her drinking. She was a light drinker until a year ago and now she drinks several days/nights a week. She also picks fights with me when drunk. Says I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her and that I’m a poser, a fake. She’ll say she hates me also when drunk. Never says these things sober. She also stated, while drunk, that she wants an open marriage so she can feel desired by a man again. She never brought that up again after that though. Now, several months later I suspect something going on. She frequently travels for business and last trip she packed sex pills and very sexual lingerie. She immediately put the lingerie and sex pills back(she didn’t use the pills I guess) and left everything else from her luggage laying there. And I know that at least one piece of lingerie, that was new, was worn on that trip. She has also been texting and calling this older guy and deleting the texts and calls. She never deletes anything usually. I only saw a brief text exchange and there was nothing sexual except he had sent and emoji blowing a heart kiss. Clearly the previous texts were deleted. Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late. I have not confronted her because I’m in Eyes Open Mouth Shut phase and don’t want to tip her off until I find out what is going on. I hate to be the type to snoop or put a tracking device on her, but I feel that’s the only way I’ll get answers. Any advice would be helpful. Perhaps I’m overreacting.
> it also seems like a midlife crisis thing. She’s gotten in great shape at the gym, we both have, and shopping and getting hair done a lot.


Keep on gathering evidence. But do it so she doesn't notice.
Maybe even hire a PI to see what she is doing out so late.
If possible, put voice activated recorders in her car and in your house, livingroom, bedroom, kitchen.
Maybe even camera's to record her drunken behavior and the amount of being drunk. This can help you in court.

If you have your undeniable proof, like pictures or video from the PI, then still do not confront.
Go see a lawyer and draw up the papers. Have her served at her work, together with the proof.
She will immediately know why you are filing.
Between drawing up the papers and the serving, try to split the finances. Open a separate account on your name only for your paycheck.
Try to cancel some joint accounts. But do this all with the approval of your lawyer.

Please do know, you are not overreacting, the sexy sets tell enough, specially the secrecy around it.
It is time for you to take control, right now she is in control.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

SickBoy777 said:


> Hi everyone,
> I’m looking for some advice regarding my situation with my wife. Married 17 years and two young children. I am 49 and wife is 46. Very solid marriage up until a year ago. Wife’s libido skyrocketed which was great, but apparently I wasn’t able to keep up though we did and still have sex multiple times a week. Another thing that changed is her drinking. She was a light drinker until a year ago and now she drinks several days/nights a week. She also picks fights with me when drunk. Says I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her and that I’m a poser, a fake. She’ll say she hates me also when drunk. Never says these things sober. She also stated, while drunk, that she wants an open marriage so she can feel desired by a man again. She never brought that up again after that though. Now, several months later I suspect something going on. She frequently travels for business and last trip she packed sex pills and very sexual lingerie. She immediately put the lingerie and sex pills back(she didn’t use the pills I guess) and left everything else from her luggage laying there. And I know that at least one piece of lingerie, that was new, was worn on that trip. She has also been texting and calling this older guy and deleting the texts and calls. She never deletes anything usually. I only saw a brief text exchange and there was nothing sexual except he had sent and emoji blowing a heart kiss. Clearly the previous texts were deleted. Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late. I have not confronted her because I’m in Eyes Open Mouth Shut phase and don’t want to tip her off until I find out what is going on. I hate to be the type to snoop or put a tracking device on her, but I feel that’s the only way I’ll get answers. Any advice would be helpful. Perhaps I’m overreacting.
> it also seems like a midlife crisis thing. She’s gotten in great shape at the gym, we both have, and shopping and getting hair done a lot.


*Possible Cheating Wife *I fixed it for you. If you need a smoking gun, as people have said, keep your mouth shut and keep digging, but you know what is going on, a professional produced sex tape of your wife banging another guy is not going to tell you something you don't know now. In the mean time start preparing for the inevitable divorce.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Does she have iphone? OS 16, (the new one) has ability to view deleted texts which is a new feature, I think most don't realize it is there.

On main messages tab, got to edit, view recently deleted....

If she doesn't, maybe go into software update and set it up to go to 16.

The lingerie thing on a trip, pretty much no doubt...


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## SRCSRC (Nov 28, 2020)

Unless there is a legal reason to prove beyond any doubt that she is cheating such as living in an at fault state, start the divorce process. Go see a lawyer for advice. Again, if there is no legal benefit to keep investigating her likely infidelity, I'd confront her calmly and simply state that you know she is cheating and will be filing for divorce. Do it. If the two of you decide to save the marriage, the divorce process can always be stopped. But that would entail a hell of a lot of work by the two of you. Strike now and decisively.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Why stick around to find out what you already know?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

SickBoy777 said:


> I have not confronted her because I’m in Eyes Open Mouth Shut phase and don’t want to tip her off until I find out what is going on.


you have found out and know what’s going on.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

There's no need to tip her off at all.

This one's over. 

She'll find out you know when she gets served with the D papers. 

But do the prep work first, mainly protecting assets, closing joint bank accounts and credit cards etc. She'll find out and ask why, there's no need to share just say you're taking care of business is all.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I think the only way to obtain more evidence is to have a Clerk of Court in the room watching and taking written statements and with some CSI guys right there to extract the OM’s DNA from her kootchie the moment he is done.


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## MrBigBull (6 mo ago)

SRCSRC said:


> Unless there is a legal reason to prove beyond any doubt that she is cheating such as living in an at fault state, start the divorce process. Go see a lawyer for advice. Again, if there is no legal benefit to keep investigating her likely infidelity, I'd confront her calmly and simply state that you know she is cheating and will be filing for divorce. Do it. If the two of you decide to save the marriage, the divorce process can always be stopped. But that would entail a hell of a lot of work by the two of you. Strike now and decisively.


Having proof will not do any good in te divorce process. It does good however in telling friends and family. With no proof he could be the bad guy, she can tell lies to everyone.
If he has the proof, she can not do any gaslighting and can not lie to family and friends. Also the amount of drinking and being drunk can help him in a custody battle.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

FFS. The only thing she hasn’t done is walked up to you and said “I am having sex with other men”


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Trident said:


> There's no need to tip her off at all.
> 
> This one's over.
> 
> ...


I agree that this is a game over moment and there’s no need to discuss other her stuff all. 

it’s not like you need to prove to her what she knows fully well what she is doing.

The better prepared you are and the more you have prepared you case and contingency planning with your attorney before she is served, the better off you will be.

there really isn’t anything to discuss with her here. She checked out of the marriage a lllloooonnnnggggg time ago. She’s just staying with now so you can help cover rent and utilities to save her a few bucks.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

If the Op lives in one of those (few) states that punish infidelity and can prove she's cheating it could benefit him.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Just from what you said, you have more than enough.
Based on her drinking and disrespect alone, I wouldn't spend one more second on her than necessary.
It is more than a safe bet she is a public utility.
Study up on the 180 and implement it immediately.
Get your affairs in order, lawyer up, and just have her served at work.
At that point, decide what you want to do. 
If you are smart, you kick her to the curb.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

If you want/need proof, have her followed. Other than that you already have sufficient grounds to just say to her: here...divorce papers, I don't want to continue to be married to you.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> So I’m confused by the last thing in bold. How do you not know at this point, what is going on? It’s crystal clear to me: She banging other guys.
> 
> Immediately file for divorce if you’re in a no fault state. Open and shut Case. Either remain a cuckholded husband or divorce her.


The divorce is coming. 

This wayward wife is stroking it to completion.


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

Seriously curious but, what are female sex pills?

birth control? Extacy?


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## SnowToArmPits (Jan 2, 2016)

> Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late.


Hi OP. ^ This is not normal. You know that.
Your marriage is on fire, sure sounds like she's cheating. Hiring a PI might give you the lowdown on what she's about on those late nights without you.
Sorry man. Buckle up I think you're in for a rough ride.


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## TomJohnson (Nov 13, 2020)

I can't imagine what you are going through. You and others that i read about here that suspect their spouse of cheating go through a kind of PTSD/denial thing like people facing death go through. My dad had convinced himself that if he could hang in for another few months he could beat his stage 4, very aggressive cancer. It is your brain protecting itself from debilitating duress to face the reality of your cheating wife. Again I pray for you my friend. 

Either your wife IS cheating or she is trying to convince you she is cheating for some sick reason (I say in jest). She even went on to say she wanted to open the marriage... face facts.

YOU DON'T NEED TO CONFIRM WHAT YOU KNOW. 

Your fist action should be consult a divorce atty. In some states is does not matter if cheating is involved. it does not change the settlement. in others it may. It some you practically need a porn video of them to "prove". Trying to get this would not be worth it. You may be able to gather enough evidence to psudo extort her or at least out her to everyone so you can perhaps get moral support.

Regardless seek an atty now. Also be very careful about recording her as recording sound without consent is a felony in some states.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

SickBoy777 said:


> Hi everyone,
> ......Married 17 years and two young children.
> 
> I am 49 and wife is 46. Very solid marriage up until a year ago.
> ...


Any advice.......Yes, get tested for STD's. Seriously, get tested for Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Also, start using condoms when you have sex with her multiple times a week. If she asks why just tell her you don't want to potentially catch some incurable disease. Another piece of advice is that you have absolutely no reason to get a PI to follow her, to check on her phone any more.

One of the problems or effects of alcohol is that it reduces inhibitions. She is telling you things when she is drunk that her subconscious believes, but her conscious self can control and keep from telling you.

She has told you when drunk her true feelings about you and your marriage. Her actions scream out that at the least she is having a mid-life crisis and at more probably is either having a physical affair or hoping one will happen.

You may be in "Eyes Open/Mouth Shut" mode. Your wife is in "Screw this Marriage/Legs Wide Open" mode. You might as well just talk to her and say that when she drinks her subconscious is telling you that your marriage is over and she is no longer committed to it. Tell her that after all those years of marriage you deserve to know the truth from her. Ask her is she wants a divorce? Ask her how she thinks this is going to affect your small children? 

She should either commit to the marriage and stop what she is doing or you should explore divorce. 

The two of you have two young children. If i were in your shoes, I would start thinking about if she is being a good role model for your kids. I would also start thinking if you believe your wife wants the marriage to continue enough to commit to serious marriage counseling.

Good luck to you and your children.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

SickBoy777 said:


> She frequently travels for business and last trip she packed sex pills and very sexual lingerie. She immediately put the lingerie and sex pills back(she didn’t use the pills I guess) and left everything else from her luggage laying there. And I know that at least one piece of lingerie, that was new, was worn on that trip. She has also been texting and calling this older guy and deleting the texts and calls. She never deletes anything usually. I only saw a brief text exchange and there was nothing sexual except he had sent and emoji blowing a heart kiss. Clearly the previous texts were deleted. Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late.


Secret texting with another man with hearts And kisses that she deletes. Staying out all night. These actions by your wife are enough to file for divorce.

Just tell your wife that instead of cheating she should have filed for divorce. Tell her you do not have to prove anything to her as to how you know she is cheating in order for you to divorce. Do not argue with her. Just move forward with the divorce. Let her know if she wants to talk about the cheating, and have a chance to save the marriage she needs to start telling the truth now, and maybe then you would reconsider.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

SickBoy777 said:


> Hi everyone,
> I’m looking for some advice regarding my situation with my wife. Married 17 years and two young children. I am 49 and wife is 46. Very solid marriage up until a year ago. Wife’s libido skyrocketed which was great, but apparently I wasn’t able to keep up though we did and still have sex multiple times a week. Another thing that changed is her drinking. She was a light drinker until a year ago and now she drinks several days/nights a week. She also picks fights with me when drunk. Says I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her and that I’m a poser, a fake. She’ll say she hates me also when drunk. Never says these things sober. She also stated, while drunk, that she wants an open marriage so she can feel desired by a man again. She never brought that up again after that though. Now, several months later I suspect something going on. She frequently travels for business and last trip she packed sex pills and very sexual lingerie. She immediately put the lingerie and sex pills back(she didn’t use the pills I guess) and left everything else from her luggage laying there. And I know that at least one piece of lingerie, that was new, was worn on that trip. She has also been texting and calling this older guy and deleting the texts and calls. She never deletes anything usually. I only saw a brief text exchange and there was nothing sexual except he had sent and emoji blowing a heart kiss. Clearly the previous texts were deleted. Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late. I have not confronted her because I’m in Eyes Open Mouth Shut phase and don’t want to tip her off until I find out what is going on. I hate to be the type to snoop or put a tracking device on her, but I feel that’s the only way I’ll get answers. Any advice would be helpful. Perhaps I’m overreacting.
> it also seems like a midlife crisis thing. She’s gotten in great shape at the gym, we both have, and shopping and getting hair done a lot.


Oh dear, it seems cheating wives are becoming an epidemic on these forums, very sad indeed.
What I would do in your situation:
when your wife goes on her apparent work trips or work events, turn up unexpectedly and try to see for yourself what your wife is up to.
Also, do snoop and place tracking devices on her, because what has to be done, has to be done.


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

Sorry to say @SickBoy777 but she is sexually active with another partner and seems ready to monkey branch to the other relationship.

That she wants *YOU* to make the divorce decision seems to be a last-ditch attempt of incorporating her cheating in the story of your marriage, which she is most likely working on re-writing right now. You being the evil character in the story and her being the hero for having put up with you. Sick and revolting I know... but it's the nature of the beast.


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

gameopoly5 said:


> Oh dear, it seems cheating wives are becoming an epidemic on these forums, very sad indeed.[...]


@gameopoly5 All the cheating cases I know right now are of wives/girlfriends cheating on their husbands/boyfriends.

I think the red pill has waken a lot of men up and there's a ton of information out there about cheating behaviors, and what seems like an uptick in cheating on the part of women is something that has *always* been there but is now being exposed because the men are way wiser in their ways and method of communicating (_womanese_).


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

BoSlander said:


> the red pill has waken a lot of men up


What red pill?


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Dude, she's not even trying to hide it. She's giving you the big FU by tossing her infidelity in your face. Just b**** slap her with divorce papers.


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

Sfort said:


> What red pill?


Meaning more men are aware of how females communicate things. Not just what they are they saying what they're saying, WHAT is it exactly that they're trying to communicate.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

no offense to this thread and others like this, but i am getting sick and tired of these drive by threads, in other words the OP post one or two statements and never comes back to reply...but we carry on with the conversation with out the OP in the room...Sadly i think the OP knows the truth deep down but instead wants to believe just because it sounds like a duck and walks like a duck but they want to truly believe it's chicken and when confronted with reality they bury their head deper into the ground hoping it will go away.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

BoSlander said:


> @gameopoly5 All the cheating cases I know right now are of wives/girlfriends cheating on their husbands/boyfriends.
> 
> I think the red pill has waken a lot of men up and there's a ton of information out there about cheating behaviors, and what seems like an uptick in cheating on the part of women is something that has *always* been there but is now being exposed because the men are way wiser in their ways and method of communicating (_womanese_).


Here we go. Yep, you’ve got females pegged dude. We are like termites, an inevitable infestation of cheaters. Guess you’re going to have to bat for the other team now.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Here we go. Yep, you’ve got females pegged dude. We are like termites, an inevitable infestation of cheaters. Guess you’re going to have to bat for the other team now.


You man hater!!! 😂😂😂


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You realize it’s misandrist to point out when they say we’re all cheating liars, right? 😂😂😂


I don’t know, I really like men. Maybe he should too. Something IS very sexy about a little scruff against the nape of the neck. Growl.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> I don’t know, I really like men. Maybe he should too. Something IS very sexy about a little scruff against the nape of the neck. Growl.


I changed my post but I wasn’t quick enough. I’m just teasing. Oh wait, the red pill guys said I’m not. 😂 But totally, I dig dudes, maybe these guys should give it a whirl. After all, men never cheat. So that’s nice. 😂😂😂


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You man hater!!! 😂😂😂


QR isn't a man hater for calling out a woman-hater. 



BoSlander said:


> @gameopoly5 All the cheating cases I know right now are of wives/girlfriends cheating on their husbands/boyfriends.
> 
> I think the red pill has waken a lot of men up and there's a ton of information out there about cheating behaviors, and what seems like an uptick in cheating on the part of women is something that has *always* been there but is now being exposed because the men are way wiser in their ways and method of communicating (_womanese_).


Both men and women cheat. Have been for eons. Men tend to cheat a little more often than women. Just the way it is. 

There's nothing wrong with learning about women and protecting one's self from the bad ones with red flags but I'd suggest the same for a woman trying to find a good man. Look out for the red flags. Regardless, there's no reason to make comments that put all women into one group, just the same as it isn't fair to put all men into one group. There are just regular, moral people that live by good values and then there are assholes. I was married to an asshole. Now I'm not. There are many great women out there. Many are here on this forum. I hope to find one in my area one day.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Real men never cheat.

Real women never cheat.

Spineless skin bags cheat. Low characters cheat. People with no morals cheat. People that don’t really love their SO cheat.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

@SickBoy777 where do you draw the line for the point of no return?

Check into your state’s divorce laws with the best lawyer in your area. Know what a divorce is going to look like.

Your wife is cheating on you without a doubt.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

LATERILUS79 said:


> QR isn't a man hater for calling out a woman-hater.
> 
> 
> Both men and women cheat. Have been for eons. Men tend to cheat a little more often than women. Just the way it is.
> ...


Sometimes, people don’t even have red flags, their spouse just decides they’re going to do it. But, we can’t omit entire groups of people. Love comes with risk, you can minimize or be selective but there is always risk. 

If you can come through heartbreak and want to trust and love again, and do so with more courage and experience… then you win. 

This could also be helpful to the OP, who may find himself in a position to have to start over again.


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

QuietRiot said:


> Here we go. Yep, you’ve got females pegged dude. We are like termites, an inevitable infestation of cheaters. Guess you’re going to have to bat for the other team now.


I don't hate females at all... I just found out my wife cheated on me with 4 guys in the last 25 years. I think a little venting on my part wouldn't kill anyone.

Anyhow, what I can indeed tell you is that... out of the 100 people I would gladly kick the sh-t out of right now, 95 are men. Doesn't this make me a feminist?


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

LATERILUS79 said:


> QR isn't a man hater for calling out a woman-hater.


What in my commentary points to me hating women?

Hate is a very strong word... Don't understand how people throw it around with such liberty.


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

LATERILUS79 said:


> There's nothing wrong with learning about women and protecting one's self from the bad ones with red flags but I'd suggest the same for a woman trying to find a good man. Look out for the red flags. Regardless, there's no reason to make comments that put all women into one group, just the same as it isn't fair to put all men into one group. There are just regular, moral people that live by good values and then there are assholes. I was married to an asshole. Now I'm not. There are many great women out there. Many are here on this forum. I hope to find one in my area one day.


You're just saying what I've been saying all along. The only difference is that you took one of my comments out of context and extrapolated it to represent my main point, which it isn't. 

I wish there was a better way of me saying that the cheating animal that I married wasn't an animal, but there isn't. It's how people react when it's actually their gender that is being put under the microscope that has me baffled. Yes, women an men cheat at similar rates, but the uptick of threads we're seeing in TAM about guys getting cheated on is alarming. Like it or not, it is alarming.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

BoSlander said:


> I don't hate females at all... I just found out my wife cheated on me with 4 guys in the last 25 years. I think a little venting on my part wouldn't kill anyone.
> 
> Anyhow, what I can indeed tell you is that... out of the 100 people I would gladly kick the sh-t out of right now, 95 are men. Doesn't this make me a feminist?


I don’t know, can I add a person or two to your **** list? 🤣


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

QuietRiot said:


> I don’t know, can I add a person or two to your **** list? 🤣


Look, if my words trigger you... holly chupacabra!


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

BoSlander said:


> You're just saying what I've been saying all along. The only difference is that you took one of my comments out of context and extrapolated it to represent my main point, which it isn't.
> 
> I wish there was a better way of me saying that the cheating animal that I married wasn't an animal, but there isn't. It's how people react when it's actually their gender that is being put under the microscope that has me baffled. Yes, women an men cheat at similar rates, but the uptick of threads we're seeing in TAM about guys getting cheated on is alarming. Like it or not, it is alarming.


I don’t think the percentage of what gender posting here is indicative of who is being cheated on more. Some people talk it out on a forum, most do not come here.


BoSlander said:


> Look, if my words trigger you... holly chupacabra!


No not triggered at all. I’m not sure how that would work. I was offering to give you some more people to beat up. It was a joke. 😉


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

QuietRiot said:


> I don’t think the percentage of what gender posting here is indicative of who is being cheated on more. Some people talk it out on a forum, most do not come here.


No, but it is time to put to rest the myth that adultery rates are higher among men than women. Women, as you can tell from the experiences here depicted in the commentary, are WAY better at hiding it. 

My opinion is that we ought to be able to discuss anything and everything about adultery, even if the commentary seems skewed to one of the genders. 

I don't find it normal that mainstream media that panders mainly to women is trying darn hard to formalize adultery, almost to the point of inviting women to do that. Not to mention hypergamy. 

I have a son that I have to raise to be a fully functional adult, and what I am seeing right now from the opposite gender scares the white off of my teeth.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> What in my commentary points to me hating women?
> 
> Hate is a very strong word... Don't understand how people throw it around with such liberty.


I jumped the gun and was quick to judge. That was my mistake. I apologize.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

BoSlander said:


> No, but it is time to put to rest the myth that adultery rates are higher among men than women. Women, as you can tell from the experiences here depicted in the commentary, are WAY better at hiding it.
> 
> My opinion is that we ought to be able to discuss anything and everything about adultery, even if the commentary seems skewed to one of the genders.
> 
> ...


Well try not to generalize the media and the loudest people as representative of an entire group of any people. It’s simply not accurate. 

Why does it matter if it’s 50/50, 60/40, or whatever in either direction? What does that mean if one has a higher percentage or not?


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## MrBigBull (6 mo ago)

Funny, 3 pages, 50 posts, and not one reply from the OP.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> Well try not to generalize the media and the loudest people as representative of an entire group of any people. It’s simply not accurate.
> 
> Why does it matter if it’s 50/50, 60/40, or whatever in either direction? What does that mean if one has a higher percentage or not?


It wasn’t at all a societal problem when men cheated more than women, or that men cheated. But if women cheat _almost_ as much as men and the world is on fire. 🙄. Shouldn’t it be that cheating is wrong and bad for everyone no matter who does it?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I think it’s a LOT WORSE when a WOMAN cheats than if an man cheats……….





because it annoys Riv andTex to hear that it’s worse. My story and I’m sticking to it.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> I think it’s a LOT WORSE when a WOMAN cheats than if an man cheats……….
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yours has more logic than the other ones saying that… 😂😂


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It wasn’t at all a societal problem when men cheated more than women, or that men cheated. But if women cheat _almost_ as much as men and the world is on fire. 🙄. Shouldn’t it be that cheating is wrong and bad for everyone no matter who does it?


There are several academic and folk explanations for that.
Indulge me to bring another one.
On those historical conditions (more men cheating than women doing the same) it´s not risky to infer that most of men cheated WITH the same ones of those fewer women.
Those women were a social group, not seen as competitors for what most of wives mainly cared about. 
Not only resources but also and mainly the prestige a social better situated status and the legal paternity of their kids. 
Sad to say, that was a kind of social / cultural implicit contract.
Though part of that view on how "things are" remain in our cultural minds, those are no more the same root conditions.

Said change had two imaginable endings.

The end of dualism (family "soul" love versus passion) to give place to relationships that have them both.
That the increasing well deserved equality made some but not a few women wish the worst of what men once had.

Do I need to say what SEEMS to be the choosen path?

That said and as is perhaps known I do not condone / accept / resign myself to something less than enthusiastic exclusivity and mutual loyalty regardles of the gender.
At least for the ones that chooses it.


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It wasn’t at all a societal problem when men cheated more than women, or that men cheated. But if women cheat _almost_ as much as men and the world is on fire. 🙄. Shouldn’t it be that cheating is wrong and bad for everyone no matter who does it?


That's the thing @TexasMom1216... I did a correlation/extrapolation of adultery rates from the divorce rates in the USA and I showed that female adultery rates are *way higher* than what's commonly publicized. Even if you remove the _noise_, like the fact that most adultery cases go unnoticed or that women are comparatively light years away in successfully hiding their adultery, numbers don't lie.

I wish there was another, better, way of expressing this reality, but there isn't

In my case, when I met my XW, I knew there was an ex "around" solely because someone (a friend) would vaguely and quickly mention it ("you know who I saw this weekend?" to which my XW would quickly reply "oh, that assh-le?!",) so I never paid any attention. Then came Facebook and I'd notice his face always at the top of my profile. Had you told me then that my XW was cheating on me I'd tell you you were absolutely crazy. Yet, she was having sex with him and me at the same time (and eventually with a third person, meaning she was having sex with 3 dudes at the same time, and I did not suspect A THING).


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> that women are comparatively light years away in being able to successfully hide their adultery


What does that mean? All women adulterers are discovered?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> adultery rates from the divorce rates in the USA


Seems like you are suggesting that men are more likely to divorce cheating women, no? Not that women are necessarily cheating more.

What about marriages that don’t end in divorce?


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> What does that mean? All women adulterers are discovered?


That women are better at hiding their adultery.


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## robtgeob12 (3 mo ago)

SickBoy777 said:


> Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice regarding my situation with my wife. Married 17 years and two young children. I am 49 and wife is 46. Very solid marriage up until a year ago. Wife’s libido skyrocketed which was great, but apparently I wasn’t able to keep up though we did and still have sex multiple times a week. Another thing that changed is her drinking. She was a light drinker until a year ago and now she drinks several days/nights a week. She also picks fights with me when drunk. Says I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her and that I’m a poser, a fake. She’ll say she hates me also when drunk. Never says these things sober. She also stated, while drunk, that she wants an open marriage so she can feel desired by a man again. She never brought that up again after that though. Now, several months later I suspect something going on. She frequently travels for business and last trip she packed sex pills and very sexual lingerie. She immediately put the lingerie and sex pills back(she didn’t use the pills I guess) and left everything else from her luggage laying there. And I know that at least one piece of lingerie, that was new, was worn on that trip. She has also been texting and calling this older guy and deleting the texts and calls. She never deletes anything usually. I only saw a brief text exchange and there was nothing sexual except he had sent and emoji blowing a heart kiss. Clearly the previous texts were deleted. Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late. I have not confronted her because I’m in Eyes Open Mouth Shut phase and don’t want to tip her off until I find out what is going on. I hate to be the type to snoop or put a tracking device on her, but I feel that’s the only way I’ll get answers. Any advice would be helpful. Perhaps I’m overreacting. it also seems like a midlife crisis thing. She’s gotten in great shape at the gym, we both have, and shopping and getting hair done a lot.


 What are sex pills?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> That women are better at hiding their adultery.


Ah yes, I had it reversed. Thanks.
I am not sure how that could be gender-based.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> That's the thing @TexasMom1216... I did a correlation/extrapolation of adultery rates from the divorce rates in the USA and I showed that female adultery rates are *way higher* than what's commonly publicized. Even if you remove the _noise_, like the fact that most adultery cases go unnoticed or that women are comparatively light years away in successfully hiding their adultery, numbers don't lie.
> 
> I wish there was another, better, way of expressing this reality, but there isn't
> 
> In my case, when I met my XW, I knew there was an ex "around" solely because someone (a friend) would vaguely and quickly mention it ("you know who I saw this weekend?" to which my XW would quickly reply "oh, that assh-le?!",) so I never paid any attention. Then came Facebook and I'd notice his face always at the top of my profile. Had you told me then that my XW was cheating on me I'd tell you you were absolutely crazy. Yet, she was having sex with him and me at the same time (and eventually with a third person, meaning she was having sex with 3 dudes at the same time, and I did not suspect A THING).


Well luckily enough, now men can be women so you can just avoid those bad mean women entirely. 😂


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Seems like you are suggesting that men are more likely to divorce cheating women, no? Not that women are necessarily cheating more.


Not at all. To me, the data suggest that women cheat at higher rates than men and that the majority of the cheating cases end without the other person knowing.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> What does that mean? All women adulterers are discovered?


It means that if a woman isn’t caught committing adultery she is still committing adultery and just hasn’t yet been caught. 😉


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> That's the thing @TexasMom1216... I did a correlation/extrapolation of adultery rates from the divorce rates in the USA and I showed that female adultery rates are *way higher* than what's commonly publicized. Even if you remove the _noise_, like the fact that most adultery cases go unnoticed or that women are comparatively light years away in successfully hiding their adultery, numbers don't lie.
> 
> I wish there was another, better, way of expressing this reality, but there isn't
> 
> In my case, when I met my XW, I knew there was an ex "around" solely because someone (a friend) would vaguely and quickly mention it ("you know who I saw this weekend?" to which my XW would quickly reply "oh, that assh-le?!",) so I never paid any attention. Then came Facebook and I'd notice his face always at the top of my profile. Had you told me then that my XW was cheating on me I'd tell you you were absolutely crazy. Yet, she was having sex with him and me at the same time (and eventually with a third person, meaning she was having sex with 3 dudes at the same time, and I did not suspect A THING).


Anyway there’s a thread for this discussion.









Women Are More Likely to Cheat Than Men


[Women crave sexual variety more than men do, and wives are often cheating for sex because they are in orgasm-less marriages. I suspect that many wives’ affairs and “low libido” is primarily because the sex isn’t fun and/or isn’t orgasmic.— CB] Science is finding that women struggle more than...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It means that if a woman isn’t caught committing adultery she is still committing adultery and just hasn’t yet been caught. 😉


I guess I better order that VAR then huh?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I guess I better order that VAR then huh?


I honestly don’t know. There don’t seem to be any solutions being tossed out with all these generalizations.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I guess I better order that VAR then huh?


Nah. What you don't know can't hurt you. Ignorance is bliss.

Anyway, I guess this thread is another of many where the OP didn't like responses


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

But, really, what are these sex pills?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> But, really, what are these sex pills?


Maybe he meant Viagra?
Not sure why OP’s wife would be packing those though.
It seems like OM would bring his own equipment.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Maybe he meant Viagra?
> Not sure why OP’s wife would be packing those though.
> It seems like OM would bring his own equipment.


The OP said the man was "older"... she must be desperate...


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Anyway there’s a thread for this discussion.


You feel free to opine wherever you so wish. I'll do the same.

The reason the discussion got derailed was because @TexasMom1216 asked me to elaborate on why I was saying what I was saying, not that my intention was to derail the conversation. So please STOP insinuating it.


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> Nah. What you don't know can't hurt you. Ignorance is bliss.
> 
> Anyway, I guess this thread is another of many where the OP didn't like responses


Life is about making informed decisions.

How you're able to get the information is secondary.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> You feel free to opine wherever you so wish. I'll do the same.
> 
> The reason the discussion got derailed was because @TexasMom1216 asked me to elaborate on why I was saying what I was saying, not that my intention was to derail the conversation. So please STOP insinuating it.


Of COURSE a woman is to blame, gang. 😂😂😂


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I honestly don’t know. There don’t seem to be any solutions being tossed out with all these generalizations.


They're not generalizations, they're based on polling data. 

And no, I don't think there's a solution to the fact that American women seem to be unhappy in their marriages. Seems as though marriage is no longer a viable option for them (judging by the % of divorces they initiate). And, don't get me wrong, this affects me as much as it affects you because my son will eventually hit the sexual market place and will have to deal with all of this, so, to me, it's no trivial matter.


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Of COURSE a woman is to blame, gang. 😂😂😂


What a masterpiece of blame shifting and victimhood.

Furthermore, are you speaking on behalf of all women or just TexasMom1216? Reason I ask is because I don't see the rest of the females gifting you the legitimacy of the group.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Of COURSE a woman is to blame, gang. 😂😂😂


I knew you were trouble. Are you the hammer girl in the 1984 apple commercial? Disrupting society everywhere you go?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> They're not generalizations, they're based on polling data.
> 
> And no, I don't think there's a solution to the fact that American women seem to be unhappy in their marriages. Seems as though marriage is no longer a viable option for them (judging by the % of divorces they initiate). And, don't get me wrong, this affects me as much as it affects you because my son will eventually hit the sexual market place and will have to deal with all of this, so, to me, it's no trivial matter.


So you’re concerned for your son because you’ve taught him all women commit adultery and there’s no reason for him to get married. And that is somehow my fault, or I’m “blame shifting”? Do I understand correctly? 😂😂😂. OK, dude, whatever. I’m sorry your wife cheated. She was wrong, and that is 100% on her. But I hardly need “the legitimacy of the group” to bolster my position that all women are not cheaters. But, hey, now since men can be women, you can find someone who will never cheat. Problem solved.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I knew you were trouble. Are you the hammer girl in the 1984 apple commercial? Disrupting society everywhere you go?


They certainly like to pretend that’s how I am. 😂


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Maybe he meant Viagra?
> Not sure why OP’s wife would be packing those though.
> It seems like OM would bring his own equipment.


Maybe OMs equipment is impressive but OPs wife wants longer performance than OM is capable of


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> The OP said the man was "older"... she must be desperate...


Hey!! I resent that comment!😂


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> Maybe OMs equipment is impressive but OPs wife wants longer performance than OM is capable of


Ya, I was wondering this too. The wife is giving herself a little gift.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Rus47 said:


> Hey!! I resent that comment!😂


I'm not that young either...


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I knew you were trouble. Are you the hammer girl in the 1984 apple commercial? Disrupting society everywhere you go?


Damn. I always did like that hammer girl. She has a really nice set of personalities.


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## BoSlander (5 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> So you’re concerned for your son because you’ve taught him all women commit adultery and there’s no reason for him to get married. And that is somehow my fault, or I’m “blame shifting”? Do I understand correctly? 😂😂😂. OK, dude, whatever. I’m sorry your wife cheated. She was wrong, and that is 100% on her. But I hardly need “the legitimacy of the group” to bolster my position that all women are not cheaters. But, hey, now since men can be women, you can find someone who will never cheat. Problem solved.


For starters, you will never hear me insinuate "all of us men think." Everything I say is my word and my word only. I don't hide behind others to legitimize what I'm saying. Secondly, my son is acutely aware of what adultery is and is currently getting psychological help to help him understand what has happened to his environment, so thank you for the empathy. One thing is for sure, he knows full well what an adulterous woman does because, sadly, his mom is one. I will not have to teach him anything because he's literally living it.

And he doesn't even know the full extent of her cheating. When he's older and he comes to me for answers, I will tell him what I know, and that'll be the nail in his mom's coffin.

And it's really odd that you find any of this "funny."


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It wasn’t at all a societal problem when men cheated more than women, or that men cheated. But if women cheat _almost_ as much as men and the world is on fire. 🙄. Shouldn’t it be that cheating is wrong and bad for everyone no matter who does it?


Well it IS wrong for everyone that does it. But there are always people that will argue any point, even that cheating is wrong in some or all cases.


BoSlander said:


> Not at all. To me, the data suggest that women cheat at higher rates than men and that the majority of the cheating cases end without the other person knowing.


You can examine statistics and extrapolate to your heart’s content, that doesn’t mean it’s accurate information or representative of an entire population of human beings. Objectivity and critical thinking, not digging for numbers that fit what you want to find, are how you find reasonable correlations. You know politicians like to do exactly what you’re doing here? 

One of the first things you’re taught in statistics course is that you can make statistics say anything, and correlation does not mean causation.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> But, really, what are these sex pills?


For a woman that already has high appetite… I wondered that myself.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> I don't hide behind others to legitimize what I'm saying.


So my opinions lack value because I don't have others legitimizing them, but when you don't have others supporting you, it means you're a big independent thinker.

This is a waste of time.


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## fazeldex85 (3 mo ago)

SickBoy777 said:


> Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice regarding my situation with my wife. Married 17 years and two young children. I am 49 and wife is 46. Very solid marriage up until a year ago. Wife’s libido skyrocketed which was great, but apparently I wasn’t able to keep up though we did and still have sex multiple times a week. Another thing that changed is her drinking. She was a light drinker until a year ago and now she drinks several days/nights a week. She also picks fights with me when drunk. Says I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her and that I’m a poser, a fake. She’ll say she hates me also when drunk. Never says these things sober. She also stated, while drunk, that she wants an open marriage so she can feel desired by a man again. She never brought that up again after that though. Now, several months later I suspect something going on. She frequently travels for business and last trip she packed sex pills and very sexual lingerie. She immediately put the lingerie and sex pills back(she didn’t use the pills I guess) and left everything else from her luggage laying there. And I know that at least one piece of lingerie, that was new, was worn on that trip. She has also been texting and calling this older guy and deleting the texts and calls. She never deletes anything usually. I only saw a brief text exchange and there was nothing sexual except he had sent and emoji blowing a heart kiss. Clearly the previous texts were deleted. Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late. I have not confronted her because I’m in Eyes Open Mouth Shut phase and don’t want to tip her off until I find out what is going on. I hate to be the type to snoop or put a tracking device on her, but I feel that’s the only way I’ll get answers. Any advice would be helpful. Perhaps I’m overreacting. it also seems like a midlife crisis thing. She’s gotten in great shape at the gym, we both have, and shopping and getting hair done a lot.


 I just read it once and looked an no other comments, and my instinct says trust your gut - she is cheating ! my advice : - don’t say a damn word - if you gotta have “proof”, snoop all the hell you want ! If there is nothing to find, that is what you will find ! Do not say a thing to anyone about your suspicion until you have the proof you need and then you can handle it as loud and noisy or as quiet as you’d like. good luck


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I just read your OP. 

Even if Mrs. Far was not cheating on me, the moment she called me fake and told me I didn't love her would be the moment the marriage would hit the beginning of the end. 

Love yourself enough to refuse to tolerate the intolerable. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## SickBoy777 (3 mo ago)

Hi all,
Thanks to everyone for their responses. I do have an update.
I hid a VAR in her vehicle last Thursday night. Before I even listened to anything on it, I confronted my wife with everything I had. She swore up and down that she was not nor ever had cheated. She pulled up her texts and telegram conversations with this guy she talks to and there was nothing sexual or romantic going back to April. Mostly just exchanges regarding politics(which I don’t enjoy discussing) and some conspiracy type stuff. He did send some stupid heart and kiss emojis to her, but there were none from her to him. She claims she didn’t purposely delete the exchanges and was very willing to retrieve them for me to see. She also said she brought lingerie and the sex pills on her trip for herself. She also said she brought her toy and nobody else was involved. She has worn sexy lingerie for solo acts before, just never knew she’d take in on the road. She also said the five or six times she stayed out late she had drank excessively and hung out with coworkers or folks she met at the events. I did retrieve the VAR yesterday and she did not speak to this other guy at all friday, at least not while in her vehicle. I did hear her conversation with her best friend where they discussed my accusations and she reiterated to her friend how much she loved me and wouldn’t betray me. I felt like a hump after hearing that and violating her privacy but I had to know what was happening. I do still believe she has a problem with alcohol and we discussed that also and she is going to cut back a lot hopefully. I rarely touch alcohol myself so it’s no problem for me to abstain. At this point I have no choice but to believe her but still keep and eye open and work with her to cut way back on the drinks. 
also, for those who asked, the female sex pills are called Vixen and they sell them at the sex shoppes. She took one last night with me and said they didn’t do anything for her.


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## MrBigBull (6 mo ago)

SickBoy777 said:


> Hi all,
> Thanks to everyone for their responses. I do have an update.
> I hid a VAR in her vehicle last Thursday night. Before I even listened to anything on it, I confronted my wife with everything I had. She swore up and down that she was not nor ever had cheated. She pulled up her texts and telegram conversations with this guy she talks to and there was nothing sexual or romantic going back to April. Mostly just exchanges regarding politics(which I don’t enjoy discussing) and some conspiracy type stuff. He did send some stupid heart and kiss emojis to her, but there were none from her to him. She claims she didn’t purposely delete the exchanges and was very willing to retrieve them for me to see. She also said she brought lingerie and the sex pills on her trip for herself. She also said she brought her toy and nobody else was involved. She has worn sexy lingerie for solo acts before, just never knew she’d take in on the road. She also said the five or six times she stayed out late she had drank excessively and hung out with coworkers or folks she met at the events. I did retrieve the VAR yesterday and she did not speak to this other guy at all friday, at least not while in her vehicle. I did hear her conversation with her best friend where they discussed my accusations and she reiterated to her friend how much she loved me and wouldn’t betray me. I felt like a hump after hearing that and violating her privacy but I had to know what was happening. I do still believe she has a problem with alcohol and we discussed that also and she is going to cut back a lot hopefully. I rarely touch alcohol myself so it’s no problem for me to abstain. At this point I have no choice but to believe her but still keep and eye open and work with her to cut way back on the drinks.
> also, for those who asked, the female sex pills are called Vixen and they sell them at the sex shoppes. She took one last night with me and said they didn’t do anything for her.


The thing you got from the VAR is important. She had no idea there was one, so she was honest and did not need to hide anything.
I think you are okay. Do not think about breaching the privacy too much, you had very good red flags to be concerned. You did what you needed to do to make sure.
And luckily, it turned out okay.
I hope she can see why you were worried, I hope she can see why you thought she was cheating. If you two keep on working on your communication, tell each other what is on your mind, be totally honest with each other, then you will be alright.


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## SickBoy777 (3 mo ago)

She did understand why I was suspicious when I brought up all the circumstances I had uncovered. She wasn’t thrilled about me checking her phone behind her back but stated she might have done the same if she were in my shoes. I didn’t tell her about the VAR and will just keep that to myself. She also volunteered to take a lie detector test if that’s what I needed to put any doubts to rest. I’m obviously very relieved, especially after the vast majority of responses on here were 100% convinced she was a cheater. And she may be, but it doesn’t seem like it and we will move forward working on our marriage. Thanks again to all who took the time to respond.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Call me a cynic but I’m not buying it.
Her story fits together too perfectly, and is perfectly unverifiable.
Retrieve the deleted texts. Schedule the poly.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

if your wife has accepted a polygraph

she must have proposed knowing you wouldn't take her to the polygraph, plan one and take her


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## BelsBeast66 (3 mo ago)

Sounds pretty obvious.. maybe follow her on her next trip get the details ahead of time and find out.. also get her phone/text records 


SickBoy777 said:


> Hi everyone,
> I’m looking for some advice regarding my situation with my wife. Married 17 years and two young children. I am 49 and wife is 46. Very solid marriage up until a year ago. Wife’s libido skyrocketed which was great, but apparently I wasn’t able to keep up though we did and still have sex multiple times a week. Another thing that changed is her drinking. She was a light drinker until a year ago and now she drinks several days/nights a week. She also picks fights with me when drunk. Says I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her and that I’m a poser, a fake. She’ll say she hates me also when drunk. Never says these things sober. She also stated, while drunk, that she wants an open marriage so she can feel desired by a man again. She never brought that up again after that though. Now, several months later I suspect something going on. She frequently travels for business and last trip she packed sex pills and very sexual lingerie. She immediately put the lingerie and sex pills back(she didn’t use the pills I guess) and left everything else from her luggage laying there. And I know that at least one piece of lingerie, that was new, was worn on that trip. She has also been texting and calling this older guy and deleting the texts and calls. She never deletes anything usually. I only saw a brief text exchange and there was nothing sexual except he had sent and emoji blowing a heart kiss. Clearly the previous texts were deleted. Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late. I have not confronted her because I’m in Eyes Open Mouth Shut phase and don’t want to tip her off until I find out what is going on. I hate to be the type to snoop or put a tracking device on her, but I feel that’s the only way I’ll get answers. Any advice would be helpful. Perhaps I’m overreacting.
> it also seems like a midlife crisis thing. She’s gotten in great shape at the gym, we both have, and shopping and getting hair done a lot.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

sex pills for a woman?

does not pass the smell test.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

oldtruck said:


> sex pills for a woman?
> 
> does not pass the smell test.


The are actualy sold. And one FDA approved. Vixen is advertised as a supplement so no FDA approval. None of them have exhibited good efficacy and all have major side effects.

“These drugs are dubbed “female Viagra,” as a play on the medication for men to alleviate erectile dysfunction. They work in the body in different ways and are also administered differently.

flibanserin (Addyi), a pill taken every evening.
bremelanotide (Vyleesi), a self-administered injection before sex”


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

OP said the pills didn’t do a thing for her.
But she took them with her on the trip.

The tone of that initial post was that these pills were not new, but we’re something OP and wife had as part of their life. He wasn’t shocked to know about them.

But they didn’t work?
And she took them on the trip?

hmm.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> OP said the pills didn’t do a thing for her.
> But she took them with her on the trip.
> 
> The tone of that initial post was that these pills were not new, but we’re something OP and wife had as part of their life. He wasn’t shocked to know about them.
> ...


Addyi tests inproved successful female episodes from 3 to 4 per month. FDA approved it for pre menopausal women only in 2015 so it isnt new


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> Addyi tests inproved successful female episodes from 3 to 4 per month. FDA approved it for pre menopausal women only in 2015 so it isnt new


This makes it sound like you take a pill and get frisky right away “_She took one last night with me and said they didn’t do anything for her._”

From the directions for Vixen:
“_Take one Vixen capsule one hour before sexual activity. Drink at least 16 ounces of water. Effects are activated when physical stimulation occurs and can last up to 72 hours_.”

Its odd she would take them on the trip. Especially if they don’t actually work. There could be a placebo effect and it doesn’t work with OP. That would make sense. Which means that it must have that placebo benefit for someone.

Anyway, that’s a minor point. The rest of the story is BS.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

SickBoy777 said:


> I did retrieve the VAR yesterday and she did not speak to this other guy at all friday, at least not while in her vehicle. I did hear her conversation with her best friend where they discussed my accusations and she reiterated to her friend how much she loved me and wouldn’t betray me.


Well, that's certainly better than if you heard incriminating conversations on the VAR.

I can think of three possibilities off the top of my head (maybe there's more than that, too).

1. She has done things that look suspicious (and she admits she might have been suspicious if roles were reversed), but it's actually all innocent, and she's done nothing except fail to be careful about appearances. This is the best outcome.

2. She actually IS having an affair, but she hasn't let her best friend in on the secret yet, so she proclaimed her innocence to her best friend.

3. She may have discovered the VAR, and staged a fake conversation to throw you off the track. Worst outcome, that means she is a step ahead of you on this whole thing, and other "evidence" showing her innocence may also be staged.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

SickBoy777 said:


> She did understand why I was suspicious when I brought up all the circumstances I had uncovered. She wasn’t thrilled about me checking her phone behind her back but stated she might have done the same if she were in my shoes. I didn’t tell her about the VAR and will just keep that to myself. She also volunteered to take a lie detector test if that’s what I needed to put any doubts to rest. I’m obviously very relieved, especially after the vast majority of responses on here were 100% convinced she was a cheater. And she may be, but it doesn’t seem like it and we will move forward working on our marriage. Thanks again to all who took the time to respond.


I hope for your sake that she is being honest.
What is she willing to do to prove herself. Increase transparency. Drop the "Textpal?"
You know her better than we do. However, talk is cheap.
It is what she is willing to do to walk the talk that truly matters.
However, I'd take her up on the poly.
Schedule it yourself and do it unannounced.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

SickBoy777 said:


> Hi all,
> Thanks to everyone for their responses. I do have an update.
> I hid a VAR in her vehicle last Thursday night. Before I even listened to anything on it, I confronted my wife with everything I had. She swore up and down that she was not nor ever had cheated. She pulled up her texts and telegram conversations with this guy she talks to and there was nothing sexual or romantic going back to April. Mostly just exchanges regarding politics(which I don’t enjoy discussing) and some conspiracy type stuff. He did send some stupid heart and kiss emojis to her, but there were none from her to him. She claims she didn’t purposely delete the exchanges and was very willing to retrieve them for me to see. She also said she brought lingerie and the sex pills on her trip for herself. She also said she brought her toy and nobody else was involved. She has worn sexy lingerie for solo acts before, just never knew she’d take in on the road. She also said the five or six times she stayed out late she had drank excessively and hung out with coworkers or folks she met at the events. I did retrieve the VAR yesterday and she did not speak to this other guy at all friday, at least not while in her vehicle. I did hear her conversation with her best friend where they discussed my accusations and she reiterated to her friend how much she loved me and wouldn’t betray me. I felt like a hump after hearing that and violating her privacy but I had to know what was happening. I do still believe she has a problem with alcohol and we discussed that also and she is going to cut back a lot hopefully. I rarely touch alcohol myself so it’s no problem for me to abstain. At this point I have no choice but to believe her but still keep and eye open and work with her to cut way back on the drinks.
> also, for those who asked, the female sex pills are called Vixen and they sell them at the sex shoppes. She took one last night with me and said they didn’t do anything for her.


*1. She claims she didn’t purposely delete the exchanges and was very willing to retrieve them for me to see.*
Rarely do people accidentally delete their messages and especially considering the one`s she deleted were conveniently from this guy.
*2. She also said she brought lingerie and the sex pills on her trip for herself.* *She also said she brought her toy and nobody else was involved*. *She has worn sexy lingerie for solo acts before, just never knew she’d take in on the road.*
Why would a wife take sexy lingerie and sex pills on a work trip? As Mr Spock would say, illogical captain
*3. I did hear her conversation with her best friend where they discussed my accusations.*
She already knew her husband was suspicious and onto her and I wager she may have suspected there was a recording device in her car.
So many red flags not forgetting the others the OP has mentioned that they must be smacking her husband in the face.
I`m not buying any of this.
Take her up on the lie detector test and insist on seeing her deleted messages.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Rus47 said:


> The are actualy sold. And one FDA approved. Vixen is advertised as a supplement so no FDA approval. None of them have exhibited good efficacy and all have major side effects.
> 
> “These drugs are dubbed “female Viagra,” as a play on the medication for men to alleviate erectile dysfunction. They work in the body in different ways and are also administered differently.
> 
> ...


But why does she need any of this stuff if her libido is so increased he can’t even keep up, as he said in his original post. How would she know if it was working or not if she is always wanting it anyway?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> But why does she need any of this stuff if her libido is so increased he can’t even keep up, as he said in his original post. How would she know if it was working or not if she is always wanting it anyway?


Good point. Doesn't make much sense for a hot woman to be packing pills to get hotter. I was answering the post saying that they didn't know what "sex pills" for women were. There evifently actually aren't any that are very effective as say Viagra or Cialis for men. But the pharmacy companies are marketing products to improve female libido.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> Good point. Doesn't make much sense for a hot woman to be packing pills to get hotter. I was answering the post saying that they didn't know what "sex pills" for women were. There evifently actually aren't any that are very effective as say Viagra or Cialis for men. But the pharmacy companies are marketing products to improve female libido.


Exactly right, the options for women have really limited effectiveness. I checked a year or so ago. For a friend.

This whole topic “she took sex pills on the trip” makes no sense.

I think the wife thinks they work and she wants to be a porn star for an OM.


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## DosEquis (5 mo ago)

Just caught up on your thread. Im not buying her story either. The probability that you are encountering some master class gaslighting is very high. This may also drive the probable affair deeper underground. Remember, many marital traitors are accomplished cheats and liars. Not all, but many. They will look you in the eye and lie through their teeth without flinching. Not finding anything
on a VAR one time means nothing. There are men and woman who patiently listened for weeks before finding the evidence they hoped they wouldnt.

You should not feel at all bad as to investigating your wifes behavior which is becoming more and more suspicious and wildly inappropriate. In fact, Im going to encourage you to ratchet it up about 10 notches. Hire a PI. Dig into cel and email accounts. Look for a burner phone. Track her movements.

You seem like a good guy and Im going to highly recommend something to you. Buy "No More Mister Nice Guy", and read it as many times as it takes to internalize it. I would also start the 180 approach. She needs to be put on notice that this behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated without severe repercussions to your marriage.

Be calm and assertive.

Good luck.


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## Landofblue (May 28, 2019)

If it were me I would keep the VAR in place a few more weeks for peace of mind.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

SickBoy777 said:


> She did understand why I was suspicious when I brought up all the circumstances I had uncovered. She wasn’t thrilled about me checking her phone behind her back but stated she might have done the same if she were in my shoes. I didn’t tell her about the VAR and will just keep that to myself. She also volunteered to take a lie detector test if that’s what I needed to put any doubts to rest. I’m obviously very relieved, especially after the vast majority of responses on here were 100% convinced she was a cheater. And she may be, but it doesn’t seem like it and we will move forward working on our marriage. Thanks again to all who took the time to respond.


Here is the deal OP, if your wife wants to cheat on you, there is really next to nothing short of chaining her to the boiler in the basement to keep her from going out and cheating with someone. You cannot control her, and you shouldn't. All you can control is your response if or when she does cheat. That is the only thing you can control. You should sit down and make it clear to her that all of that crap she did scared you, and she needs to understand that of she ever does cheat then that is it: game over, do not pass GO. You will divorce her. 

It is never wrong to be vigilant and protective of your marriage. Don't let anyone accuse you of paranoia. Any reasonable person would have raised an eyebrow over what you had witnessed her doing.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

OP, how did you purchase the VAR? Anyway that she could see the transaction? (Hopefully not in your amazon account)...

I agree that this too fishy.

Bringing lingerie on a work trip... you would have to be crazy not to believe that was for someone else to see.

Maybe it wasn't for the guy you think....

Maybe her friend doesn't know anything about it... and your wife plans to keep it that way.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I changed my post but I wasn’t quick enough. I’m just teasing. Oh wait, the red pill guys said I’m not. 😂 But totally, I dig dudes, maybe these guys should give it a whirl. After all, men never cheat. So that’s nice. 😂😂😂


Know men and women both who have cheated, have no use for any of them. Used to be close to my sister....until her affair. When she passes, if any one comes up to me and says how good of a person my sister was...I will probably tell them a thing or two...then ask what they think.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ABHale said:


> Real men never cheat.
> 
> Real women never cheat.
> 
> Spineless skin bags cheat. Low characters cheat. People with no morals cheat. People that don’t really love their SO cheat.


Now I'm in agreement in fully against cheating.

That never word can always be taken to task when used so generically. 

Like, in WW2, when American or pick your country, were fighting and sacrificing so courageously in Europe (and other theaters, too)

Likely some real men cheated sexually on rare occasions, pick your own frequency, reasons, etc.

I'd have to say they were real men. And same for the women serving, of course.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Likely some real men cheated sexually on rare occasions, pick your own frequency, reasons, etc.
> 
> I'd have to say they were real men. And same for the women serving, of course.


I guess this can be true if labeling "Real Men" or "Real Women" doesn't include character and integrity as attributes.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I guess this can be true if labeling "Real Men" or "Real Women" doesn't include character and integrity as attributes.


I can't disagree, and am definitely against cheating, pls don't misunderstand on that point.

It's when folks throw out that *never* word, and they would never do that...*you know, because they're better*, what they think is never ever ever when they haven't walked in the shoes of everyone on the planet throughout all past, present, future times, shows a level of ignorance.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

BoSlander said:


> I don't hate females at all... I just found out my wife cheated on me with 4 guys in the last 25 years. I think a little venting on my part wouldn't kill anyone.
> 
> Anyhow, what I can indeed tell you is that... out of the 100 people I would gladly kick the sh-t out of right now, 95 are men. Doesn't this make me a feminist?


I don't know It seems to me nowadays that feminists hate some women more than men.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I can't disagree, and am definitely against cheating, pls don't misunderstand on that point.
> 
> It's when folks throw out that *never* word, and they would never do that...*you know, because they're better*, what they think is never ever ever when they haven't walked in the shoes of everyone on the planet throughout all past, present, future times, shows a level of ignorance.


I think I am very guilty of this. I say I would never do x y and z and often say it knowing I can't say never. I think I do it with hope, meaning I hope I would never do x y and z.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> I think I am very guilty of this. I say I would never do x y and z and often say it knowing I can't say never. I think I do it with hope, meaning I hope I would never do x y and z.


That's all I'm saying. It's too easy to throw that out there without deeper thought. I've done it myself. Time to time I try and remind my own self that I haven't walked in someone else's exact shoes so I do try and not throw out generic absolutes.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Now I'm in agreement in fully against cheating.
> 
> That never word can always be taken to task when used so generically.
> 
> ...


I will agree to just disagree.


----------



## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

SickBoy777 said:


> Hi all,
> Thanks to everyone for their responses. I do have an update.
> I hid a VAR in her vehicle last Thursday night. Before I even listened to anything on it, I confronted my wife with everything I had. She swore up and down that she was not nor ever had cheated. She pulled up her texts and telegram conversations with this guy she talks to and there was nothing sexual or romantic going back to April. Mostly just exchanges regarding politics(which I don’t enjoy discussing) and some conspiracy type stuff. He did send some stupid heart and kiss emojis to her, but there were none from her to him. She claims she didn’t purposely delete the exchanges and was very willing to retrieve them for me to see. She also said she brought lingerie and the sex pills on her trip for herself. She also said she brought her toy and nobody else was involved. She has worn sexy lingerie for solo acts before, just never knew she’d take in on the road. She also said the five or six times she stayed out late she had drank excessively and hung out with coworkers or folks she met at the events. I did retrieve the VAR yesterday and she did not speak to this other guy at all friday, at least not while in her vehicle. I did hear her conversation with her best friend where they discussed my accusations and she reiterated to her friend how much she loved me and wouldn’t betray me. I felt like a hump after hearing that and violating her privacy but I had to know what was happening. I do still believe she has a problem with alcohol and we discussed that also and she is going to cut back a lot hopefully. I rarely touch alcohol myself so it’s no problem for me to abstain. At this point I have no choice but to believe her but still keep and eye open and work with her to cut way back on the drinks.
> also, for those who asked, the female sex pills are called Vixen and they sell them at the sex shoppes. She took one last night with me and said they didn’t do anything for her.


Did you discuss her verbal abuse and picking fights? Sounds like she is one mean drunk. Probably cheating, too, IMHO,


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Call me a cynic but I’m not buying it.
> Her story fits together too perfectly, and is perfectly unverifiable.
> Retrieve the deleted texts. Schedule the poly.


and check the phone bill.
Keep checking on the VAR in her car.
I don’t believe her story.


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## DosEquis (5 mo ago)

Sir, for your own health and peace of mind, *keep digging.*


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## SickBoy777 (3 mo ago)

As I stated, I am still suspicious and have kept the VAR in her vehicle since I first installed it. There has been nothing on it that points to an affair or another man involved. I purchased the VAR with cash. I may not be a master spy, but using cash for that purchase was the obvious choice. 
I still find the lingerie on a work trip to be highly suspicious which is why I’m still monitoring her for the near future. I realize that there are probably millions of folks who cheated on their spouse and get away with it. It’s certainly possible she has cheated and covered her tracks just enough to avoid definite proof. And if that’s the case here, I’ll have to just live with not knowing for certain and be more observant of her behavior. Unfortunately, she has a job where alcohol consumption is prevalent as she goes to numerous galas and events where booze is free and there’s plenty of it. She has cut way back the past two weeks since we discussed the problems it was causing. She recognized that it was becoming an issue so I’m very happy to see her controlling her drinking recently. So nothing new has happened. I realize my suspicions may have caused her to cool her heels or be more careful if there is another man, but I’ll be keeping my eyes and ears open for a long time before I feel completely comfortable.


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## BootsAndJeans (3 mo ago)

Sickboy7877,

Just a different perspective. I am not in the 007 catagory in your situation yet.

It seems to me that you and her need to have some frank, honest and non-confrontational discussions.

I think you need to let her know your feelings and that together, you need to establish boundaries and what the consequences of breaching those boundaries are.

There are obviously some stress points in your marriage and perhaps communication and/or marriage counseling is in order.

I am going to say this and you can take it as you want. Alcohol is a drug and it is responsible for a huge amount of problems in sociaety and marriages. The behavior you spoke about her engaging in when drinking, I see as problematic. I can tell you this, my wife has never tasted alcohol and I have only been drunk once in my life (after combat). I have not drank in a very long time. Due to thins, we have never had alcohol influenced fights, being ugly to each other or other things that happen when inhibitions are lifted.

If you want to save your marriage, and it appears that you do, you must do the hard work to repair it. She will also have to do hard work. If you want to save your marriage, you have to be willing to lose it. Truth will always become known, it is better for you and her to face the truth and reality and figure out a way forward. A good marriage is one where both spouse feel safe in their relationship to each other. At the very least, and I understand I only have your side of the story, you no longer feel safe in your marriage.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

BootsAndJeans said:


> If you want to save your marriage, and it appears that you do, you must do the hard work to repair it.


No, just absolutely NO!

You start doing the work at all before cheating scum is crawling before you through broken glass in bare knees while calling themselves the vilest of names and you are doing the Pick-me-Dance.

No cheaters MUST know they are worthless to you before they start begging for you back or else they just think it's okay to keep on walking all over you.

An adulterous piece of trash would never realize they are trash before you throw them in the trash bin and only from the state of realizing that they are trash can they ever hope to become better.

Real men keep trash in the bin after placing it there though, unless that trash sprouts golden blooms That withers to the touch of every other man and enslaves themselves to him.


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

SickBoy777 said:


> As I stated, I am still suspicious and have kept the VAR in her vehicle since I first installed it. There has been nothing on it that points to an affair or another man involved. I purchased the VAR with cash. I may not be a master spy, but using cash for that purchase was the obvious choice.
> I still find the lingerie on a work trip to be highly suspicious which is why I’m still monitoring her for the near future. I realize that there are probably millions of folks who cheated on their spouse and get away with it. It’s certainly possible she has cheated and covered her tracks just enough to avoid definite proof. And if that’s the case here, I’ll have to just live with not knowing for certain and be more observant of her behavior. Unfortunately, she has a job where alcohol consumption is prevalent as she goes to numerous galas and events where booze is free and there’s plenty of it. She has cut way back the past two weeks since we discussed the problems it was causing. She recognized that it was becoming an issue so I’m very happy to see her controlling her drinking recently. So nothing new has happened. I realize my suspicions may have caused her to cool her heels or be more careful if there is another man, but I’ll be keeping my eyes and ears open for a long time before I feel completely comfortable.


Bud there is may no another man or emotional affair, may be she had or intended a ONE NIGHT STAND. 
typically ONSs no phones exchanged or anything

there is no way someone goes on a business trip with new undies just because

ask yourself, if you travel on a business trip would you back a new or purchase a new lingerie's ?


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## BootsAndJeans (3 mo ago)

Dictum,


Fella, has it been proven she committed infidelity? From that I have read, there is only a suspicion.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Clearly she is verbally abusive when drunk. No one should be subjected to that.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

I will expound on what bootsandjeans has brought up.
Alcohol is a drug. A very legal drug pushed on society by companies making money off the misery of others, just as in the tobacco industry. I quit drinking completely in 1983, never have I touched the stuff again. My wife has never seen me drink. She does drink on occasion. Socially when we are functions or on dates. She may or may not choose this type of beverage. Her choice. She does so responsibly. She will sometimes catch a good buzz at home with friends over. She's actually a funny drunk. It only takes 2-3 mixed drinks to get her trashed. When this has happened, she has a lower amount of inhibitions and as on a thread I started here has on occasions offered up a sexual act she absolutely doesn't want to do. I have been the gentleman and declined at those times. She knows how this affects her inhibitions and doesn't drink to drunkiness in public. She prefers to only drink if I'm with her for her safety and comfort. Alcohol laced fights are horrendous! I've witnessed many. They never end well. I would implore you and your wife to choose abstinence. It won't hurt either of you or your marriage.
Have you ever discussed going on these work trips with your lady? Could be a lot of fun and a way to rediscover some missing passions. 
It's my hope and prayer that there will be a good and loving ending to all of this for you both. My prayers and peace be with you.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

TinyTbone said:


> I will expound on what bootsandjeans has brought up.
> Alcohol is a drug. A very legal drug pushed on society by companies making money off the misery of others, just as in the tobacco industry. I quit drinking completely in 1983, never have I touched the stuff again. My wife has never seen me drink. She does drink on occasion. Socially when we are functions or on dates. She may or may not choose this type of beverage. Her choice. She does so responsibly. She will sometimes catch a good buzz at home with friends over. She's actually a funny drunk. It only takes 2-3 mixed drinks to get her trashed. When this has happened, she has a lower amount of inhibitions and as on a thread I started here has on occasions offered up a sexual act she absolutely doesn't want to do. I have been the gentleman and declined at those times. She knows how this affects her inhibitions and doesn't drink to drunkiness in public. She prefers to only drink if I'm with her for her safety and comfort. Alcohol laced fights are horrendous! I've witnessed many. They never end well. I would implore you and your wife to choose abstinence. It won't hurt either of you or your marriage.
> Have you ever discussed going on these work trips with your lady? Could be a lot of fun and a way to rediscover some missing passions.
> It's my hope and prayer that there will be a good and loving ending to all of this for you both. My prayers and peace be with you.


I witnessed my father's s abuse of my mom and us kids when he was drunk. It was seldom physical with the kids and never with my mom. But, he was so incredibly verbally abusive. We would pray he would just pass out when he got home.
Amazingly, he was very bright. Went to Harvard Law School, won just about every trial, was a judge for a while.
But,despite being so bright, he , apparently, lacked compassion and could not see how much of a mismatch it was for him to berate us kids. I would think he would be embarrassed by beating up his school aged kids like that, with his talent and credentials .
He stopped drinking when I was 16. He had destroyed my confidence by then, though. I never graduated from high school despite my standardized scores exceeding the top students in our class. I moved out and finished college eventually ( a good school took a chance on me because of my SATscores and athletic ability(( which my dad had, often, belittled). Ended up,graduating with honors from law school.
My dad was a decent guy when not drinking. He helped me later in life, although he never apologized.
But, you are right, alcohol is an exceedingly destructive drug. Makes some folks monsters.
But, I have struggled my entire life with self esteem


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## DosEquis (5 mo ago)

Reminder:



SickBoy777 said:


> She frequently travels for business and last trip she packed sex pills and very sexual lingerie. She immediately put the lingerie and sex pills back(she didn’t use the pills I guess) and left everything else from her luggage laying there. And I know that at least one piece of lingerie, that was new, was worn on that trip. She has also been texting and calling this older guy and deleting the texts and calls. She never deletes anything usually. I only saw a brief text exchange and there was nothing sexual except he had sent and emoji blowing a heart kiss. Clearly the previous texts were deleted. Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late.


This is what brought you here. We've all agreed that these are not red flags, they are air raid sirens. 

I hope youve had a very straight up conversation with her as in,

"Wife, based on your conduct (see above), the trust I had in you and our marriage is shattered. It is on you to repair the damage. I clearly think that the probability is very high that youve broken your vows and no longer value our marriage. Im not sure what I want to do but, if you still want to be marrried to me, its up to *you* to show me that *you* want us. This will include, among other things, increased transparency in all of your relationships and whereabouts, a no contact email/text with Mr. Whatshisnuts (older guy) which may also mean finding another job, you taking the lead in making time for us, getting an std test for my peace of mind, etc."

Alternatively:

"Wife, listen, I want you to be happy. If that means hooking up with Mr. Whatshisnuts while dressing for him in new lingerie, taking sex enhancing drugs, and flirting with other men and partying it up like a Rockstar all while drinking like Lindsay Lohan, go for it. In fact, why stop there? Just fill up your calendar with liaisons to your hearts content......but *not* as *my* *wife*. Think it over and and let me know what you decide by the end of the day so I know how to plan for the rest of *my* life."

Im a big proponant of strength in the face of cheaters and marital abusers. Its all they will (possibly) recognize. The middle way/nicer way/minimizing way/rusweeping way never works in the long run.

Just my two cents.

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy and internalize it.

Good luck OP.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Megaforce said:


> I witnessed my father's s abuse of my mom and us kids when he was drunk. It was seldom physical with the kids and never with my mom. But, he was so incredibly verbally abusive. We would pray he would just pass out when he got home.
> Amazingly, he was very bright. Went to Harvard Law School, won just about every trial, was a judge for a while.
> But,despite being so bright, he , apparently, lacked compassion and could not see how much of a mismatch it was for him to berate us kids. I would think he would be embarrassed by beating up his school aged kids like that, with his talent and credentials .
> He stopped drinking when I was 16. He had destroyed my confidence by then, though. I never graduated from high school despite my standardized scores exceeding the top students in our class. I moved out and finished college eventually ( a good school took a chance on me because of my SATscores and athletic ability(( which my dad had, often, belittled). Ended up,graduating with honors from law school.
> ...


Hold your head high! Your a great person with your own gifts in life. Let no one ever lead you believe you aren't as special as they are. We are all unique and fought hard to be here in life.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

TinyTbone said:


> Hold your head high! Your a great person with your own gifts in life. Let no one ever lead you believe you aren't as special as they are. We are all unique and fought hard to be here in life.


Thanks. Took a lot of therapy to overcome some of the fallout.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

SickBoy777

An often posted question: What would think about wife of a friend after being told what you have told us?

Mr. Spy - Might want to seclude a really small voice recorder in her purse or ??? for when she goes on a trip.
Some really small recorders are available. Easy to find via Internet search.

Cell-phone - there is software for Android phones than can allow you to monitor sound in range of it. 

story is just fishy


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> Nah. What you don't know can't hurt you. Ignorance is bliss.
> 
> Anyway, I guess this thread is another of many where the OP didn't like responses


Until you contract HIV, Black Syphilis or Herpes.


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## Honey Badger (28 d ago)

SickBoy777 said:


> Hi everyone,
> I’m looking for some advice regarding my situation with my wife. Married 17 years and two young children. I am 49 and wife is 46. Very solid marriage up until a year ago. Wife’s libido skyrocketed which was great, but apparently I wasn’t able to keep up though we did and still have sex multiple times a week. Another thing that changed is her drinking. She was a light drinker until a year ago and now she drinks several days/nights a week. She also picks fights with me when drunk. Says I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her and that I’m a poser, a fake. She’ll say she hates me also when drunk. Never says these things sober. She also stated, while drunk, that she wants an open marriage so she can feel desired by a man again. She never brought that up again after that though. Now, several months later I suspect something going on. She frequently travels for business and last trip she packed sex pills and very sexual lingerie. She immediately put the lingerie and sex pills back(she didn’t use the pills I guess) and left everything else from her luggage laying there. And I know that at least one piece of lingerie, that was new, was worn on that trip. She has also been texting and calling this older guy and deleting the texts and calls. She never deletes anything usually. I only saw a brief text exchange and there was nothing sexual except he had sent and emoji blowing a heart kiss. Clearly the previous texts were deleted. Lastly, she sometimes doesn’t come home until very late or even the next morning from work events that I know do not go that late. I have not confronted her because I’m in Eyes Open Mouth Shut phase and don’t want to tip her off until I find out what is going on. I hate to be the type to snoop or put a tracking device on her, but I feel that’s the only way I’ll get answers. Any advice would be helpful. Perhaps I’m overreacting.
> it also seems like a midlife crisis thing. She’s gotten in great shape at the gym, we both have, and shopping and getting hair done a lot.


From a woman’s perspective, I don’t understand how you move except this kind of behavior from your wives or girlfriends. She is showing you exactly who she is and you need to believe her but every time now you’re just walking around on eggshells and thinking that you’re going to get more information initially and all of this time you are losing time on doing what you have to do and what you already know that you should be doing. You should be divorcing her. She needs to have separation papers landing on her desk at work.


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