# And I thought she completely got it...



## WonderHow (Dec 17, 2012)

(Vent warning)

I've gone on and on about how proud I am with the changes that she's made, saying how she's a completely different person, etc. Which is largely true but now that our divorce is looming over her, I see the same f'ed up behavior that reminds me that my decision to divorce is a good one. For instance:

1. She won't tell her dad why we are divorcing. Based on her f'ed up FOO issues, I'm sure he thinks I am leaving her for someone else. In fact, as I mentioned in another thread, her mom tried to convince her to tell her grandmother that I was leaving for my "girl friend" so it wouldn't surprise me if that's the story to her dad. Same for the kids (while I agree they don't need to know) she wants me to take full responsibility for the decision.

2. She places the marriage ending squarely on my shoulders making comments that I am the one deciding to leave and if I would have tried to make the marriage work after she did all her work, that we would have made it.

3. She's telling partial truths on another infidelity forum suggesting that I don't think I should pay child support. The part that she's leaving out is that she wants me to pay 4X what is required by the state on top of another $30K of expenses. I am self employed so my income fluctuates from very big to very small and while it wouldn't be an issue now, who knows what it will be like in 12 months. Oh yeah, and she is a very talented attorney so has the potential to make as much if not more than me if she really tried.

Am I overreacting? I guess I'm so focused on the truth now that any time I sense another lie - even one by omission - I go off. Thank god I'll be meeting with my therapist soon.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Out her to everyone. Don't take her guilt on yourself.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Ya reading all of that all I could think was "EXPOSE"


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I agree expose.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

this is exactly why you should've exposed in the first place...... so there will be no rewriting marital history. by exposing, friends and family will know the exact reason for the marital discord and the ensuing divorce, should there be one.

i say you expose since she's painting you in a bad light.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Expose. And keep logs....all correspondence, all everything.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I don't know your story but it appears that you never exposed. People seem to find a reason not to expose ... and then bad juju happens ... almost without fail.

What a freaking nightmare she has to be for you. I'm sorry man.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Why would you not expose given the situation you are in?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Attention all men everywhere: Do not marry a woman who is an attorney. Do not allow your wife to attend law school. That's like drinking whiskey and playing Russian Roulette with a .45 auto.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Have you not spoken to the parents? Why would you continue to let them believe such falsehoods?
Your "pride" for the things she has done whilst she saves face is like a samaritan feeding the poor with one hand while robbing a charity with another.

*Why have you not exposed?*


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I don't know your story but it appears that you never exposed. People seem to find a reason not to expose ... and then bad juju happens ... almost without fail.



In other threads, I have argued strongly against exposing the affair to other members of the family. *But that was because the couples in question were reconciling*. Here they are divorcing, so I agree, expose. there is no reason to keep anything from anyone else in this situation. 

To Wonderhow - this is particularly true if your wife is lying about what is going on, although you can only partially control that. Unless you have video proof, it's your word against hers, and her family will likely believe her no matter what you say. Not much you can do about that. The good news is that they don't control the terms of your divorce. It's a judge you have to convince here, not your in-laws.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

No no and no 

Unless you throw her to the wolves it will never leave you - ever. Family mutual friends acquaintances always will give you that quizzical look that blames you 

FOREVER 

it will eat away at you and as time moves on and you do eventually expose they will to a man say "yeah that's all very well but should you be moving on"

You will be shocked at how they all want to forget her part in it 

You are giving her a hiding place that is comfortable for the adulterer.

There is a window for the blame and for ones future mental health _the betrayed spouse should always take it._

Listen to this when my stbxw had the 2nd affair in 2007 with my best friend and co worker I had to rip up the work project - a locally touring music band earning very good money very lucrative.

She for the benefit of her keeping face begged me not to tell anybody about it. I did that and spent 5 years fending off questions from everybody in my life 
"why give up something you so enjoy that pays so well and benefits you both" To my mother my familiy my friends her friends 

She ended up using that as an excuse my lack of work to run off to yet another man !!

What became the truth was my giving up something so good for us not her cheating lying fking around with yet another married man!!!

At the end - when I came clean with everybody, most of them said so you lied to us for years !!!

They understood why but .......

Also because of that it was a false reconciliation and was never going to end well 

Don't hold back my friend you will live to regret it.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

When ii discovered my xw of 30 years affair I was devastated. I also did not hear from any of her 5 brothers at all. Found out that she lied about many things. (told her 86 year old mother the OM was just a friend that gave her a place to stay after I kicked her out). Decided that idid not want to go the rest of my life wondering what they knew, if there decision was based on faulty info (she lied and lied)or a conscious decision to support their sister no matter what. So I wrote a two page letter outling the whole set of happenings, and mail them all a copy. To this day18 months later I still have not heard from any of them, even after she and he got married. Don't hate them, but rest very easy with my decision to cease all contact as I figure they have all the information to make an informed decision, they chose and so did I. If I had not written the letter would drive me nuts wondering what they knew and if their attitude towards me would change if they new X. Expose


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

I think she completely gets it, she just doesn't care. She is trying to protect her public image and shifting the blame on your side. Changing and adding small details so gradually she will come out as a victim in this whole situation. You should prevent this by exposing the truth ASAP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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