# No ED Issues, But Can't Finish Sometimes



## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I'm looking to see if there are any other guys out there with a similar issue. I have no problem staying hard, but have trouble finishing sometimes. After a while while we're having sex, my wife may start to get sore so we try to get it done in other ways. But I still have a problem and after a good long time trying on both our ends, there are nights when I just have to give up. 

There are no underlying issues such as stress or diet, and we have rekindled a dying flame in the bedroom. So it's all there for me; no excuses. And I'm on test replacement therapy and am horny as hell all of the time. 

That may be my problem, though. On the days we do not have fun, I feel the need to masturbate. So I'm hoping that it is attributed to that. So I am trying to 'hold off' for a few days and see if that helps.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm guessing you are having too many orgasms if there is such a thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

You could be suffering from Retarded Ejaculation. Here's a useful link on the subject: MensHealthOnly.com: Difficulty Ejaculating


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> You could be suffering from Retarded Ejaculation. Here's a useful link on the subject: MensHealthOnly.com: Difficulty Ejaculating


They made some good points and some of them matched up with what I am going through. Thanks. 

It's odd because it only happens some of the times and there is no set pattern. There are instances when I feel that I can finish, but hold out for my wife to have another orgasm. That's when it gets worse for me to get back to that point. 

Hey, I'm not in my 20's (or 30's, for that matter) any more, so I'm sure that this is something that just occurs as men age. But I'd like to work around it, if possible.


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## HabsFan (Sep 27, 2012)

Are you taking paxyl?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Ask her to blow you after sex.

A good BJ is a sure fire way to get your load off.

Assuming of course she knows how to get the job done.


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## mikeyb (Jul 8, 2012)

Sure wish (???) I had this problem.



sharkeey said:


> Ask her to blow you after sex.
> 
> A good BJ is a sure fire way to get your load off.
> 
> Assuming of course she knows how to get the job done.


During oral on you, she/you might want to try some anal play. If you're interested in it of course.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

mikeyb said:


> Sure wish (???) I had this problem.
> 
> During oral on you, she/you might want to try some anal play. If you're interested in it of course.


As a guy gets older it gets more common.

Take it from one who has been there.

And yeah get her to finger your ass a bit for mind blowing orgasms. Doesn't only have to be during oral. If her arms are long enough and you can get the position right it can happen during sex and that can be enough to.. um.. "trigger you".

If you're not interested then GET interested.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> They made some good points and some of them matched up with what I am going through. Thanks.
> 
> It's odd because it only happens some of the times and there is no set pattern. There are instances when I feel that I can finish, but hold out for my wife to have another orgasm. That's when it gets worse for me to get back to that point.
> 
> Hey, I'm not in my 20's (or 30's, for that matter) any more, so I'm sure that this is something that just occurs as men age. But I'd like to work around it, if possible.


Glad it helped. If relaxation or trying some new techniques doesn't help, you might want to chat with a sex therapist. I should imagine it's one of things where the more you worry about it, the worse it becomes.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I'm 46 and have the exact same problem.

and I agree it mostly happens when I hold off my orgasm so we can go longer and then I can't complete the deal.

kinda sux and the wife feels bad like I don't think she sexy anymore.

don't get me wrong giving the wife big orgasms is cool and an ego boost but not shooting the gun is problematic.

try laying off the masterbating


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

HabsFan said:


> Are you taking paxyl?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, and also blood pressure medication, which I just read up on this issue and those two can be possible causes. 

But what makes me think that they aren't is that I have been on both for years and this problem is more recent. Yes, it did occur at times throughout my whole life, but there was a lot of alcohol involved then so I pointed to that as the cause. 

It's also called Delayed Ejaculation and there are many possible causes. I fit into a few of them. Just curious if other guys on here have had any success combating this. 

My wife and I have already planned out our next bang for Friday night so I am refraining from rubbing one out until then to see if that may be te main issue.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

HabsFan said:


> Are you taking paxyl?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Or any meds??








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Few things could be contributing factors. 

Certain medications
To much alcohol
To much masterbation
To much porn
Age
Psychological issues (concentrating on it to much or trying to hard) Or mind wandering about other things.


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## Revel (Mar 13, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> And I'm on test replacement therapy and am horny as hell all of the time.


Are you monitoring your estrogen levels? High estrogen can be a problem for this.

I occasionally have a problem, but it got worse when I began testosterone treatment. I'm now taking Arimidex to lower estrogen levels and it hasn't been an issue so far.

Before testosterone treatment, it could still be an occasional problem. Usually, just changing positions (missionary to doggie or oral) was enough to push me over the edge. I know what you mean about waiting too long. I could easily have a quick orgasm, but I'd often wait a little longer in order to please my wife. However, if I waited too long, it was like I got desensitized, and then, orgasm was much more difficult. Another technique was to simply withdraw and take a break for a few minutes and try again.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

Anti depressants can have this effect, I had the same problem with lexipro.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

If the OP has been circumcised, lack of sensitivity could be the problem. It's one of the "benefits" from the procedure that the medical profession doesn't often advertise when trying to promote the process.
(getting older doesn't lessen the problem, either)


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Paxil is renowned for causing performance issues, OP. You say you've been on it for years, and I'd be careful with that because if it stops working for you (which it has a tendency to do), tapering off it slowly mightn't be an option. I was on Paxil (Seroxat in the UK) for years, and developed all sorts of weird and 'wonderful' side effects. It took me 2 years to slowly wean off the stuff, but when I did I felt far better than I had whilst on the it. 

Withdrawal techniques - paxilprogress


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I have done more research on this issue and I have come to the conclusion that my frequent masturbation is the root of my problems. So I am trying to go 'cold turkey' from my frequent porn use and jerkin' off. 

I have a great excuse to give it a shot at this time because my wife's libido has finally returned after a decade or so. So I am actually getting it at a good rate now. 

And to answer the other questions, yes, I am circumcised and I did not deal with this problem as much a few years back. The medication was the same then as it is now and my masturbation - while always frequent - has grown and there are more candles on the birthday cake. 

I also know that I put myself in a bad position when I feel that this problem is happening, thus putting added pressure on myself to get it done. That only makes it worse.


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## Jeapordy (Aug 12, 2012)

I have found that when I try and please my wife more than myself, I intentionally delay ejaculating and I can't complete it later. In the first 5-10 minutes of sex, I can feel the urge building. If I ignore the urge and keep going to ensure she has 1 or more orgasms, then she starts to get looser down there. Kids and age have taken their toll on her ability to stay tight. So I have found that ignoring the urge kind of desensitizes me, and since she is looser, I get less friction. That combination causes me not to be able to finish also.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Jeapordy said:


> I have found that when I try and please my wife more than myself, I intentionally delay ejaculating and I can't complete it later. In the first 5-10 minutes of sex, I can feel the urge building. If I ignore the urge and keep going to ensure she has 1 or more orgasms, then she starts to get looser down there. Kids and age have taken their toll on her ability to stay tight. So I have found that ignoring the urge kind of desensitizes me, and since she is looser, I get less friction. That combination causes me not to be able to finish also.


Exactly. It's a catch-22: you want to pease her and not cum too quickly but the first few minutes are usually the best. I know that I can finish but take my mind out of it for a bit and let it get back some. I have even stopped pumping because te slightest movement would have been it. 

It's really counter productive in the long run. Especially with my wife; I'm not trying to impress her or prove something this far into te relationship. So what if I cum quick sometimes? I always go down on her before and the other day I did afterwards, too, when I couldn't finish. 

But since te reboot, we banged three days in a row over the weekend and it went perfectly.


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## DrDavidCOlsen (Oct 7, 2012)

Difficulties with ejaculation can originate from a variety of sources. Certain medications such as SSRIs commonly used to treat depression and anxiety can often cause difficulties with ejaculation.
In addition, porn and masturbation, can also create difficulties in that some men who masturbate frequently, then find it difficult to to ejaculate during intercourse. Try slowing things down, experimenting with different types of foreplay. David Olsen, Ph.D, LCSW


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I just had a great, sex-filled weekend away with my wife and this issue persisted. But I have learned to live with it and enjoy the entire act, not just cumming. 

I had to finish a few times by jerking with her help and so much of what I read seems to ring true :

1- the more women orgasm via intercourse, the looser their opening gets, thus making the friction lighter. 
2- once a man gets do used to the tight grip feeling of masturbation - aka te death grip - then it can be difficult to cum during other acts

My wife felt bad but I expanded that its my issue and has nothing to do with her. She turns me on immensely and I can still finish, it just takes longer and there may be times when I have to do it to myself. 

I haven't masturbate orvwatched porn alone in nearly two weeks, so my rebooting is still in its infancy.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

40isthenew20 said:


> I just had a great, sex-filled weekend away with my wife and this issue persisted. But I have learned to live with it and enjoy the entire act, not just cumming.
> 
> I had to finish a few times by jerking with her help and so much of what I read seems to ring true :
> 
> ...


I have posted this advice several times, so my apologies for being repetitive. 

I had this same problem, hence my ID, and cured it. I found the problem was my masturbation technique. It is common for men to slowly increase the strength of their grip and become conditioned to that amount of pressure, which most vaginas can't provide, outside of a few Thai show-girls. 

Loosen up and vary your technique and you should be fine.


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

Probably from several factors, but too much masturbation is a sure cause. It took me two hours one time and another I had to give up because she got dry and sore. Really a disappointment.


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## Pinkme (Oct 15, 2012)

Dh just recently started to experience this problem and after much talk and questioning what has changed he realized the cholesterol meds he recently started taking were the cause. He is going back to the doctor to get them changed.


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## LearninAsWeGo (Oct 20, 2012)

I have this issue from time to time, and I'm only in my early 30s... no meds at all. I think it's a combo of a lot of sex, tired from work or family stuff, and usually just missing my "window" when I want to last longer to keep her having more orgasms. She does take it as a rejection when she comes and I don't, though. It's something about how the male O is needed for fertilization but the female O really isn't that I think causes the man not cumming to make the sex a "failure."

The tough times are also when she starts gushing (pretty often, probably about half the times we have sex). That takes away pretty much all the friction. It usually ends up well, but she might need to give me a BJ or HJ to keep me going after she's had a squirting O or two. Sometimes we also switch to anal, and I can usually come that way.

Oh well, good problem to have... a lotta guys would love to have our "problem."


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