# husband doesn't want to spend time with wife



## mrsmo

just tonight my husband told me that he realized that he doesn't like spending time with me. he expressed his sadness with this. I've realized that I don't like spending time with him either. our reasons are that we fight all the time and we love eachother so much and we just don't like to fight with eachother. when he comes home he goes directly to our room and plays video games. i get off the computer (which is in our room) because his games are too loud and i go into the livingroom to watch tv. and then we stay in seperate rooms until dinner then back to our own thing then bed. i haven't been able to sleep at night and just this morning i had a dream that he ditched me on a date but i just took his [email protected] which meant to me like i'm insecure or something, which i realized that i am. we're drifting and i'm worried that if we don't fix this then he'll find someone else (another woman) that he likes to spend time with more than me. i know that we need conseling but it's too expensive for us. we've only been married for a year and a couple of months. please, any suggestions.


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## Amplexor

First off what do you fight about? Money, sex or little things that mean nothing? You are both avoiding each other with mindless distractions. Since you have no kids plan a couple of date nights. Get out of the house and do things together. Things that provide interaction. Dinner, bowling, dancing….. Don’t just go to a movie and zone out. Do things that foster conversation and laughter. Begin to communicate.


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## swedish

What sort of things are you fighting about? The first year of marriage can be difficult if you weren't living together prior. There are many adjustments.


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## mrsmo

we fight about really dumb things. just argue and then we get mad at eachother for being rude and then it turns into a fight. most of the time it's money. we haven't fought about sex in a while. it's just dumb stuff. i've suggested going rollerskating with him because we would interact and it's kind of cheat since we don't have a lot of money, but he just doesn't like to do things. i knew that he didn't because when we were first started dating the only reason he would leave his house is if i wasn't able to hang out with him there and we would have to go somewhere else like the mall. but now that he sees me everyday there seems to be no reason to do anything for him. i want to go walk to the park but he doesn't like to do that. he always has excuses not to get up and do anything. maybe i just need to explain to him that one of the reasons why we wanted to spend so much time together so much before is because we actually did things and interacted and we always found out new things about eachother. I don't know. he just doesn't like to do things.


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## mrsmo

and i think that we've gotten past the first-year-fights because we don't fight as much or as bad as we used to when we first moved in after we got married. we've pretty much gotten used to eachother's habbits


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## Amplexor

My personal experience tells me that when a couple fights about nothing they are avoiding the true issues in the marriage. The only way things will get better for the two of you is to start to communicate these deeper issues. I know it is over hyped here but the two of you should read “The Five Languages of Love” by Chapman. It can really help to see what tells your mate that you love them. If he doesn’t like to go out then try playing cards or board games together. You are currently separated in your own house and need to find ways to spend time together.


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## mrsmo

he doesn't like to play boardgames or play cards either. i've tried everything (I think) interactive i can think of. he just doesn't like it. so now i'm stuck. i'll look for that book at the library. it might help thanks


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## draconis

Have you thought about playing the video games he is into?

draconis


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## mrsmo

i've played his video games with him. it makes me feel really icky though because they're so violent. I don't even like really scary movies or movies with too much gore or war movies. i just don't i feel really bad when i watch them.


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## draconis

HAve you tried to think of some other game that the two of you could play together, maybe social isn't his thing but something like second life might appeal to you if he can be a part of it.

draconis


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## mrsmo

I don't know what second life is.


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## draconis

It is a MMO based on the idea of playing people in social enviroments. You can date, marry, start a business, build a house, make friends kind of like sims but much more indepth.

draconis


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## mrsmo

that sounds cool. but what else could i do besides zoning out to video games to spend time with my husband?


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## Blanca

Does he like sports? my H loves it when i get him basketball tickets and watch it with him.


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## mayhem

I am having the same issues with my husband.. he doesnt wanted to anything but watch his movies and play video games.. i myself enjoy playing games too... but i now resent them due to the fact that they take away so much from our marriage. i am at the point of saying we are to different... i cant even get him to walk with me... always with the excuses and always doesn't want to do anything.... its a horrible feeling.....so i know how yah feel


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## lastinline

First off mrsmo, every man that isn't dead is up for a good game of strip poker or twister with his wife. Secondly, consider a neutral activity that get's you both out of the house together and working as a team; like enrolling in a class at the local JC. You can become study buddies. Wink Wink. 

It can even progress into something useful like learning a new language over a couple years; while you save money for a trip to put your new skill to use. Now not only do you have an activity, you have a goal as a couple.

Be creative here, a lot depends on it mrsmo, and for God's sake playing video games more than an hour a day is a form of life abuse. Life is precious. It is a gift. You're young, for heaven's sake, put the friggin controllers down and enjoy your youth and each other. Nuff said?

LIL


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## lola513

I understand how you feel, except i have kids so its even harder cuz there little and all i talk to is them then when my husband gets home its like we have nothing to say to each other he does his thing and i do mine and its so hard i have tried to talk to him bout it and asked him to spend time with me and now im at the point " why should i have to beg" for his time...i don't know if he even cares!


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## EleGirl

If his games are too noisy buy him a head set. That way you can at least be in the same room with him.

One way to do this is to start small.. first spend you time in the same room with him. Then get him to give you a few minutes doing something, anything. 

Or you could just unplug his computer and hide the cables. That will get his attention.


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## EleGirl

lola513 said:


> I understand how you feel, except i have kids so its even harder cuz there little and all i talk to is them then when my husband gets home its like we have nothing to say to each other he does his thing and i do mine and its so hard i have tried to talk to him bout it and asked him to spend time with me and now im at the point " why should i have to beg" for his time...i don't know if he even cares!


Get a sitter to watch you kids and plan an at home date night .. this is step one.

If you have to search the internet for "conversation starters" so that you have things to talk about.


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## romancee

Sadly I am in the same position. I have been married for 11months and my husband does not want to do anything with me. When we are low on funds we do nothing and when he does have money he sees it as his time of freedom to hang out with his friends, so there again doing nothing with me. I think the expectations I had of marriage that we would grow together and be best friends is not being realized. I am very sad and quite unhappy. When I try to communicate this to him he says that I don't want him to hang out with his friends and to have a life. I agree he must have friends but when is our time? I am afraid that if we don't take time to nurture our relationship we will soon drift apart (something I do not want) HELP PLEASE!


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## dormant

I'm no expert on this, so I will just use myself as an example. I have been over weight for many years. (probably at least 25) My current wife and I married in 1999. I was basically dead when it came to energy. I didn't want to do anyting, and basically didn't.

In 2010, I had a gastric bypass that resulted in a 95 pound weight loss. I now feel like doing things again. It is amazing how much difference it makes. 

Anyway, it could be some kind of medical condition causing this. He should get checked out.


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## Chris Taylor

You married a guy who thought going out was going to the mall?

It sounds like he lacks ANY social interaction skills, with you or anyone else. This guy could have stayed single his entire life and not have a problem with it.

In addition to marriage counseling, I'd try to get him into individual therapy to try to get him to blossom a little.


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## Amplexor

2008 Thread


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## Chris Taylor

Amplexor said:


> 2008 Thread


Sometimes you just have to comment


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## Deadhusband

1


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