# Don't know...



## Completely Confused (Jul 29, 2010)

I am posting this on two different forums because it deals with both of these topics.

My wife and I have been married for over 9 years(we were married at 19). We have 3 kids together(9, 6, 19 mo). A week ago she told me that she cheated on me when she took a trip with her friend to Las Vegas for her birthday this year. She met a guy at the hotel there and slept with him both nights she was there. She also told me that for the last 9 months she has been having an emotional affair with her ex boyfriend(guy she was dating before me). We were high school sweethearts and each others first sexual partner(my only one). This was very hard news for me to hear and I have been dealing with this for the last week. She told me that she loved me and was sorry and wanted to work things out. She deleted the guys off of her phone and facebook page. She even told me her password so I could access her phone records online where she couldn't delete them even if she wanted to. I've been asking a lot of questions that she didn't want to answer. But after me reading these forums, she realized that is was something that most people wanted and last night she told me all the "gory details" that I wanted to hear. I felt very good about things and actually had a lot of hope for us. 

In the spirit of being honest and truthful in our marriage, I told her that I have struggled with porn for all of our marriage and even before. I have never been an every day kind of addict, or even as bad as most guys. I would watch stuff online maybe once a week if that. And I would go for a month or so without watching anything(not defending what I did, just explaining to what extent I was watching it). She had asked me before if I did that stuff and I told her I didn't out of embarrassment. I thought opening up to her like that would help our marriage. Not at all. We went to our first counseling session on last Saturday, and now she doesn't know if she wants to go back or continue on with it. She thinks that me watching porn is what drove us apart in the first place. Now she is saying that she isn't sure if she loves me. She knows that if we try, we can work it out but she's not sure if she wants to do that. I don't know what to do.

There are obviously a lot more details about everything, but that is basically an overview.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Your sometimes porn use is an excuse since she cheated b4 you told her, even if you were lying. She is a serial cheater. She is blame shifting. I guess it comes down to what you want. Personally, I wouldn't want her. If you do stay, she should take a polygraph test. I will wager there are more men then she has let on. If she won't take the test, I would cut her off financially. I would also get my children DNA tested. All this is just my opinion.


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## Completely Confused (Jul 29, 2010)

Let me clarify a little. She said that she felt that all I wanted her for was sex. She has said this even before all this stuff. She had become emotionally distant from me. When I told her what I was doing she said that it was starting to make sense about how she felt that I was acting towards her. 

As far as the guy she cheated with me with. She said she was drunk and it just happened the first night. The next day, she said she had been texting him all day and eventually she said they should meet up again. I don't think she had ever done this before. I knew when she came back that there was something wrong, I could feel it. I asked her if anything had happened and she said no. I also felt like she was talking on the phone/texting with someone too. Asked her about it and she denied it. Her ex has always lived another state and they had only seen each other once, there was never any physical contact with them(they were in a long distance/online relationship in high school).


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

So then, You didn't work, didn't pay bills (hers included), Don't tell her that you love her. Don't support her in any way. You only show up when your horny. You don't help with the kids. Don't clean house. No honey dos. Like I said, she is blame shifting. She should be a mascara and snot running mess, begging for forgiveness.


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