# well thats a wrap....



## Hopeful lady (Mar 6, 2015)

i just posted a couple days ago but now I'm feeling awful so I'm posting again

i confronted my husband about all the horrible things he's said about me and how strange hes been and he pretty much just said he welcomes us having a "break". 

well when i went to get screenshots etc of some of the things he'd said before i see a new convo with someone about how he feels now and in it he told the person about a previous miscarriage we had that hurt us both but then he said im pregnant now (bc the person didnt know) an he wouldn't mind seeing me trip and fall (even though when we found out i was pregnant he was supposely so excited and now he "doesn't know how he feels about all this"). he said he really thinks hes excited about the prospect of being alone bc hes been tied down the majority of his adult life (hes 30) and he really just wants to see whats out here in our "new" city.....he says he knows he's probably not missing anything but wants to try it bc he doesnt like to live with "regrets"

eventhough i wanted to break after the previous stuff i must admit that convo killed me to my core.....why is this so painful? why is he such an *******? how can people that "love" you just turn their backs on yoou out of nowhere?

when i asked if he really didn't want this baby an why didnt he tell me he said he doesnt know bc we r splitting and he thinks im just going to make it my mission to make his life hard financially- i hadnt even thought about this seeing as how im consumed with the fact that my marriage is surely ending now bc i cant take him back after he "finds out whats out there"

now im stuck with the guilt of not wanting this baby either and trying to figure out how to make everything work out as best as possible...and his consolation for me is well i dont want to be together but "whenever you need me i'll be there"

i really hate this......


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

So, he wants you to trip and fall so you'll have another miscarriage, and he wants to run off and f*ck other people so he won't feel like he missed out on... other people's junk, I guess. Oh, and he thinks you're only having a baby to make his life hard.

What an ass, seriously. Sounds like you'd be lucky to be rid of him.


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## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

Hopeful lady said:


> i confronted my husband about all the horrible things he's said about me and how strange hes been and *he pretty much just said he welcomes us having a "break".*
> 
> well when i went to get screenshots etc of some of the things he'd said before i see a new convo with someone about how he feels now and in it he told the person about a previous miscarriage we had that hurt us both but then he said im pregnant now (bc the person didnt know) an *he wouldn't mind seeing me trip and fall (even though when we found out i was pregnant he was supposely so excited and now he "doesn't know how he feels about all this").* he said *he really thinks hes excited about the prospect of being alone bc hes been tied down the majority of his adult life (hes 30) and he really just wants to see whats out here in our "new" city*.....he says *he knows he's probably not missing anything but wants to try it bc he doesnt like to live with "regrets"*


I'm sorry you're here, hopeful; I can't imagine the pain you're dealing with right now. It's maddening when one person does their best to pull the weight in a relationship (you) and the other (your "husband") does not. Been there, done that.

I agree with batsociety — look at the bolded parts of the above quote. You will be WELL rid of this man. He is neither a husband nor a father; he's giving all his time and energy to strangers on social media and outside your marriage. And, he doesn't care how much it hurts you, either. What a selfish jerk.

Please understand also: *This is his decision alone.* I'm sure there were things you could have done better, but you are attempting to pull your weight and doing the right thing. He's not. And that is all on HIM. You cannot control it, you cannot (and did not) force him into anything.



Hopeful lady said:


> eventhough i wanted to break after the previous stuff i must admit that convo killed me to my core.....why is this so painful? why is he such an *******? how can people that "love" you just turn their backs on yoou out of nowhere?


Right now, I would not worry about the "why." Focus on the here-and-now, and his *actions.* He has shown you he doesn't want to be married, and doesn't want to be a father. You talked with him about this (see above), and he's basically told you he doesn't care. All he cares about is HIMSELF.

Focus on saving money, making sure your daughter and unborn child are cared for, and yourself, too. If he wants to "see what's out there," let HIM move himself and his belongings out. Do not have any contact with him unless it's about the kids.



Hopeful lady said:


> when i asked if he really didn't want this baby an why didnt he tell me he said he doesnt know bc we r splitting and *he thinks im just going to make it my mission to make his life hard financially*- i hadnt even thought about this seeing as how im consumed with the fact that my marriage is surely ending now bc i cant take him back after he "finds out whats out there"


Oh, please. He wants to run off, sow his wild oats and act like a single guy without a care in the world. Having two children would put a SERIOUS damper on that — and he's ticked off about that. What a selfish turd.



Hopeful lady said:


> now im stuck with the guilt of not wanting this baby either and trying to figure out how to make everything work out as best as possible...and *his consolation for me is well i dont want to be together but "whenever you need me i'll be there"*


No, he won't be there in the future if/when you need him. You need him NOW and he's not there. He's trying to make sure you DON'T go after him for everything you're entitled to .... because if he has financial obligations to you and his children (which he does), that will REALLY restrict his being able to wine and dine other women.

As batsociety said, you are *well* rid of this man. I am truly sorry it came to this for you, but you did your part. Hold your head high, and keep coming here. Many posters have been through this, and can offer much better advice than I.


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## Hopeful lady (Mar 6, 2015)

batsociety- yea i know right..... i think the shock is killing me.... idk why time matters to me but its like we "dated" 7 years and HE decided we should marry and now after ONE year we are just done? We move cross country away from everybody (we do have some family in town but not incredibly close), acquire some debt, get new jobs, work out plans to get rid of debt, get pregnant, miscarry, get pregnant again (pretty much on purpose) and NOW its all like "yea i ont wanna b tied down"...like wtf?


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## Hopeful lady (Mar 6, 2015)

thanks sunvalley.... i needed to hear that so much.... its hard when u know things yourself but seeing someone else be able to sum it up and verify always helps.....

i did tell him im not going to be stupid and make my kids suffer bc of his crazy decisions....we will definitely be getting whats coming to us...


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## mjalex (Mar 5, 2015)

Well, on a positive note, a beautiful baby may come out of this nasty situation.

In the end, what's most important is your happiness. It certainly doesn't seem like a man like him deserves someone like you, and his leaving could mean you now have the opportunity to find that person suited for you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this situation! Maybe he got cold feet and figured he couldn't come through, or perhaps there's a deeper issue lying in wait, but what's important is the best future, as opposed to trying to change the past.

If you love him, a conversation about making things work may be necessary. Tell him how you feel and become friends again.
If you've lost trust and respect, I suggest you leave him high and dry. While he's refusing to settle down, you'll have the ability to build a stable life for yourself.
I hope this helps!


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Forgive me for asking but why are you having a baby if the marriage was so shaky? Was your husband involved and on board with having a baby? 

What he said about you falling down was terrible, then you really caught my attention when you said "you're stuck with the guilt of not wanting this baby either". What a sad future for this baby.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

Cooper said:


> Forgive me for asking but why are you having a baby if the marriage was so shaky? Was your husband involved and on board with having a baby?
> 
> What he said about you falling down was terrible, then you really caught my attention when you said "you're stuck with the guilt of not wanting this baby either". What a sad future for this baby.


I would take this baby in a heartbeat.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hopeful lady said:


> now im stuck with the guilt of not wanting this baby either and trying to figure out how to make everything work out as best as possible...and his consolation for me is well i dont want to be together but "whenever you need me i'll be there"
> 
> i really hate this......


You say that this baby was planned by the both of you.

Did things seem ok between the two of you at the time you conceived? Or had they already deteriorated to the point that they are now but you still had hope?

Why do you now say that you do not want this baby?

Did not ever really want the baby?

Or is it that now that your husband has turned on you, the though of a new baby is a huge thing to have to deal with at the same time that your marriage has collapsed?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hopeful lady said:


> he wouldn't mind seeing me trip and fall


Has your husband ever been physically violent? Does he go into angry fits where he hits, pushes, or other wise puts his hands on your in anger? Does he ever throw things, break things, put punch/hit the wall or objects?

What he said is a *HUGE RED FLAG *and you need to take this very seriously.

The most likely time for a woman to by injured and even killed is during pregnancy.

Please take his words very seriously. Please call a domestic violence hotline and ask them for help. 

Also go see an attorney to start a divorce, show the attorney the screen shot of what he has said. You need to put a restraining order on your husband and get him out of the house.


Me? I'd call the police and show them the screen shot and ask them to remove him. He thinks it's funny to talk big an bad about you and even to talk about you getting hurt. To talk about killing your baby? Well it's not and you need to show him that it is not.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Hopeful lady said:


> i just posted a couple days ago but now I'm feeling awful so I'm posting again
> 
> i confronted my husband about all the horrible things he's said about me and how strange hes been and he pretty much just said he welcomes us having a "break".
> 
> ...


This has to be one of the worst posts that I've read here.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

First, stop feeling guilty about not wanting the baby. Of course you don't right now. Your life is very unstable and I can see how the idea of taking care of yourself and newborn seems overwhelming. This is normal and you are not a bad person for feeling that way. 

I don't know what you will decide to do about the baby. But I can offer this...if you are on the fence about it...I don't think you will regret having this baby. You will at some point feel joy about it. 

But what ever you decide...you shouldn't feel guilt. 
Elegirl is right, statisically pregnant women are very vulnerable. Please, what ever you do, protect yourself. 

As for the time thing...I get it. It blows your mind how you can know someone for so long and then suddenly see a side of them you can't even imagine exists. It's disconcerting.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

Wow. I've heard a lot of awful things, but your husband wishing you'd trip and fall so you'd lose the baby, is right there at the top of awful things to say.

You AND your child deserve better. Much better.

Don't feel guilty over having a child. This child will bring you a kind of joy you never imagined! (Take it from me, I'm separated and raising my 2 year old daughter...she is the light of my life and makes everything worth it.)

But as for staying with your husband, or trying to make the marriage work? He's pretty much flat-out told you he wants to dump you and your unborn child (or rather, wishes your unborn child were dead) so he can have fun with other women. Wow...just, wow.

My husband said something similarly awful once. I was pregnant, we got in to an argument, and he said, "I hope God punishes you by bringing some sort of calamity over your child!" I can never forget that...she's his child too...and he was otherwise ecstatic over being a father, and was really good to her when she was born. But I will still NEVER forget that he said that. The fact that he was angry/upset does NOT excuse his words...I get angry too but I never wish ill upon my daughter. It made it especially hurtful because we'd just found out that she had a heart condition and needed immediate surgery after she was born. (She's happy and healthy now, thank God.)

People can be really sh!tty sometimes.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He wants you to trip and fall?

Horrible. 

It sounds like things have not been good for awhile with you guys and you've only been married for a year. This guy has no respect for you, evidenced by your last thread where you said he allows himself to be tagged in posts by other women saying they want to fck him.

This guy sounds like the worst. Be careful around him because honestly his little statement about wanting you to trip and fall is DISGUSTING and heinous. It sounds like he doesn't even want to have another baby.


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## Hopeful lady (Mar 6, 2015)

Cooper said:


> Forgive me for asking but why are you having a baby if the marriage was so shaky? Was your husband involved and on board with having a baby?
> 
> What he said about you falling down was terrible, then you really caught my attention when you said "you're stuck with the guilt of not wanting this baby either". What a sad future for this baby.


Sorry I've missed so many of the replies- been a busy week figuring out where to move and how to go about separating etc.

The thing is the marriage was NOT shaky to my knowledge. If you read my other post I knew about the woman joining his social media group starting to cause problems but I mentioned it to him and he PROMISED to "fix it" (but what he actually did was switch to texting her constantly instead of talking incessantly on the phone). That was the biggest problem we were having and I can admit it scarred me a bit emotionally so I wasn't as available physically/emotionally for maybe the past 2-3 weeks.

There was a brief period when we first re-located that I was jobless and didn't really know anyone so I always wanted him, called him, etc but when I returned to work we had an adjustment period that was kind of awful due to my long hours and commute but as soon as he mentioned it being a serious problem I started "over" working on it making sure we went out (even if I had to pay), calling him throughout the day, writing him love letters, making sure we had spontaneous, exciting sex even joining sites that focus on sex between married couples and learning new techniques etc. I miscarried right before I found a job and promised that as soon as I felt stable and passed the "90 days" that we could start trying again because *HE* really wanted another kid. I always wanted another but could have stood to wait another year to really fast track myself at my job. I gave in to now bc he is my husband and it wouldn't really hurt anything to have the kid earlier.

I talked to him a bit after I cooled down some and he did admit that looking at other women and wanting them is a personal demon of his that is not necessarily my fault but he feels w that 2-3 weeks of things being "not so good" that he felt "encouraged" to think too much about cheating and he "didn't want to do that to me" (*2-3 WEEKS people!*)

How his idea of breaking up (i guess he was thinking temporarily) is supposed to help that idk bc he's still married so its still cheating and idk how he thinks I could look in his face knowing he was at least pursuing someone else.

I really do want this baby and now that ive heard the little heartbeat it'd crush me to lose this baby. Its just the heartbreak really overtook everything....who chooses to have a baby under these circumstances?


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## Hopeful lady (Mar 6, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> You say that this baby was planned by the both of you.
> 
> Did things seem ok between the two of you at the time you conceived? Or had they already deteriorated to the point that they are now but you still had hope?
> 
> ...


Exactly this EleGirl.....its just one of those things that when I found out about the girl and that he hadn't ended it I hoped that a reminder of all we are as a family and how good things had been before *HE* started causing trouble and the fact that Im now having his child that *HE* wanted would help him get back on track...but all he did was flip out more...


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## Hopeful lady (Mar 6, 2015)

Orange_Pekoe said:


> Wow. I've heard a lot of awful things, but your husband wishing you'd trip and fall so you'd lose the baby, is right there at the top of awful things to say.
> 
> You AND your child deserve better. Much better.
> 
> ...


Yes they can be! I dont feel guilty about the baby anymore...I've heard its heartbeat it lives in me...I have a picture of it now (though it just looks like foreign mass right now)....we are forever bound

I just don't know what's wrong with people when they can wish ill will on a child especially THEIR child...just why? I mean i get it running around town with women will be difficult when you have to have visitation with your children but we already have a 5 year old- she stops that by herself so what's this child going to hurt?

He was so "hurt" about my previous miscarriage that it felt like he took a knife a stabbed me right in my heart when I read that. I just couldn't believe it and the disbelief lead me to read it over and over again until i realized yes this ass hole REALLY said that...

but it is what it is....right now im focused on getting out of this


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like now he is just making excuses for why he wants a break. His excuse that he could not handle 2-3 weeks of a hard time is just nonsense. I guess any excuse will do.

I don't recall, why are you moving and not him?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh.. and have you seen an attorney yet? You should before you move out so that you have your ducks in a row.

Make sure you get copies of all the financial and legal paperwork to take with .. this includes your stuff, his and your daughter's.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Please put all your energies into getting away from this terrible man. He has isolated you. HUGE RED FLAG. Typical abuser control freak behavior.

Call your family and/or friends and enlist their help and support. Just get the heck out. Now.

This is someone who has the potential to be very dangerous. And I hope you realize that.

Seriously. Get out.


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## Hopeful lady (Mar 6, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> It sounds like now he is just making excuses for why he wants a break. His excuse that he could not handle 2-3 weeks of a hard time is just nonsense. I guess any excuse will do.
> 
> I don't recall, why are you moving and not him?


We are both moving- I could afford the rent at our current place but I have some aggressive financial plans over the next few years (though this baby could change that a bit) so I appreciate the extra financial space I get by moving...and I don't think I want to stay in the place shared with him...just makes my life easier...


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## Hopeful lady (Mar 6, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Oh.. and have you seen an attorney yet? You should before you move out so that you have your ducks in a row.
> 
> Make sure you get copies of all the financial and legal paperwork to take with .. this includes your stuff, his and your daughter's.


I havent yet- We have signed a general separation agreement about bills/ child support etc that we got from a lawyer friend but I havent officially consulted one.

I've always been the one with all the paperwork....he has actually asked me for copies of his crap and "what to do" as he sets up stuff for his new apt because I've always been the one to handle all that...so I have it ALL including stuff he had before me...


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think it sounds like he is in an affair with the woman that he is hiding contact with. Even if she's long distance, it can be an emotional affair & those can wreak havoc in a marriage. He says he wants to see what's out there & she's definitely out there.


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## Hopeful lady (Mar 6, 2015)

alte Dame said:


> I think it sounds like he is in an affair with the woman that he is hiding contact with. Even if she's long distance, it can be an emotional affair & those can wreak havoc in a marriage. He says he wants to see what's out there & she's definitely out there.


thats true. i already classified it as an EA simply because even if he isnt "into" her I know he's getting a lot of advice/encouragement from her as far as what he's feeling/doing right now and making her advice/encouragement more important than his family....

there's another woman here that I know of that he's interested in- though she had previously shown no interest in him- she's a client from work and the couple times i've seen that he tried to make their convos personal (by saying btw how's your day going, or were you going to stop by the business for some random reason so he can be around) shes responded by saying I hope you're not flirting with me bc ur married so i'd prefer to keep this professional- don't know if he's over emphasizing our separation now though... 

but the long distance woman told him before that he should have tried a hispanic woman before he got married (for some reason she thinks ALL hispanic women are as twisted as she is) so I don't doubt that she's ecstatic about his choices now....


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

that sheer level of heartlessness makes me wanna do some grim things to her hubby.

no that not a threat. i wont. i just wanna ground and pound.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

What kind of woman wouldn't immediately run from a guy who wished harm on his own unborn child (and/or his wife)?

One with about as much moral fibre as this hubby has.

You get these types. It's all so romantic online but once the fantasy is lost when they get together they're straight back online looking for another one,, all very 'pity party' cuz the one they're with is soooo inept.

Two morally bereft manipulators. I give 'em 3 - 6 months tops.

Since the OP is the one that takes care of the important 'papers',, he'll probably try to worm his way back when it's over cuz he'll be needing his 'mother.'

I hope I'm wrong cuz OP doesn't need another minute of that ball n chain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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