# what to do?



## meshell (Jul 2, 2010)

I have been married for 6 years. Been together for 8 years. About 8 months ago I found myself liking the attention of another man. I didn't think much of it at first but then he started texting me and we started to have something in common which was basketball (which he coached). I knew that I shouldn't be flirting with another man but found myself hooked. It was like a drug. This went on for about 5 moths before we kissed. my husband moved out for a few days and I agreed to stop all contact with this man. I did stop contacting him but he wouldn't leave me alone so every few weeks I would text him one text back and thats it. I was honest with my husband. Well one day in May I felt like I was being watched again (i.e. digital recorders in vehicles and key loggers on computer) and we never really fixed the issues that allowed me to want the attention of another man so I did text this man back one day and never told my husband. So finally he blew up (and rightfully so) and moved out. We have been separated for almost 2 months. I have been going to counseling and we went to one counseling session together. He keeps telling me its over and for me to let him go but he won't file for divorce. His father believes he should get a divorce because thats what he did. I know he still loves me cause I can feel it. But he is so rude to me. I can understand the anger, resentment and lack of trust but how do we move forward? I don't believe we can move forward until he moves back home and we can really try. During these months he was "talking' to another girl as well. Like calling her 5-6 times a day at times. His excuse was he needed someone to talk to since he couldn't talk to his other friends. Funny considering he had never really talked to this girl before. How long do I give him and when do I say enough is enough of treating me like this? I believe that I have to earn his trust. I believe that it will take time. I know there is a lot of anger but is a separation making things any better? I don't believe so.


----------



## sparkle4 (Jun 12, 2010)

I think separation makes things worse, for me anyway. My husband moved out and we are losing our connection more and more every day. I think it will take your hubby and you, at this point, a lot of time to deal with the trust issues. For me I would think being a open book is the best way. Counseling also to help you find out why you needed the attention from the other man in the first place. Other may have a different opinion, but I think the longer you are away the less chance and harder it will be to get back together.


----------



## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

I would suggest going to the separation forum. Just like affairs, much of what you think is wrong. Counterintuitive. He may be having an affair now. You know the feeling and the power of the drug. You should examine his situation closer.


----------



## meshell (Jul 2, 2010)

I agree the separation is not bringing us any closer together. I just don't know how I can convince him to come home and really try.


----------



## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

You can't make him do anything!!! Remember what you were thinking? He is probably having an EA. Go to Affaircare and read the 7 steps. Then come back and chat with us. There is hope. Really there is. But you can not panic. No pleading, begging or grovelling.


----------

