# 7 year old won't stop talking



## LoveLonely

Hey guys,

It has been a while since I have posted here. I will try to keep this short and to the point. I am a step father. The father lives an hour and a half away and only sees his son every other weekend. A long commute is taken to earn that "half" weekend. The mother and I both work very long hours and have tedious schedules balancing household chores, money issues, father drama, and other things. We have very little alone time. This strains the relationship but we are making progress. I am playing a more active role in discipline, which the mother wants and likes. This gives me more of a feeling of being in control of my own life, etc. It is generally an upward spiral.

The problem? The child simply will not stop talking. It is constant. He is chattering to himself as I type this and it is driving me crazy. The mother and I rarely get to talk to each other. I hold important questions sometimes because I can't get a word in edge wise. It totally sucks the energy out of the mother sometimes. I don't have the energy to give either.

I just want some peace and quiet and I am sure the mother does too. It is having a major impact adding to stress and anxiety issues. Who has been there? I have already raised my child to adulthood, and thought I was a pretty good parent, but this is crazy. How do you not go insane? How do you teach a child the social skills they will need. If this isn't fixed, it will be bad for him, the mother, and me.

Thanks.


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## nikoled

With most kids I know 4-7 years old is when they were their chattiest. So you may be near the end  Is the child lonely? Maybe plan some play dates with other children so that he has someone else to talk to. Maybe they can play in the child's room or somewhere out of direct earshot to give you a little peace. I would plan some time away from him too- a date night. Even if you have to get a babysitter it sounds like you need a night away with your wife to just talk. Beyond that, he does need to learn some boundaries. If he is a "healthy normal" child you should be able to discuss it with him in a way that isn't offensive. Tell him that you know he has a lot to say and you are going to listen to him for 15 minutes and then you need some quiet time to yourself and expect him to have some quiet time as well in his room. Be engaged for those 15 minutes. When it is done tell him that you have loved talking to him, but now you have to do XYZ and you would like child to go into his room for a little quiet time. If he asks what he can do during quiet time tell him read a book, play legos, etc. He can talk quietly to himself, but the noise level must be down. Set a time limit on this as well and maybe tell him if he does a good job with it you will "reward" him by playing a 15 minute game or something like that. Good luck!


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## Jellybeans

Nyquil.

Kidding.


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## Malpheous

Benadryl


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## NextTimeAround

I'm not a parent but I'll throw a suggestion out there, perhaps others can evaluate them:

Does he have his own cellphone. Can he chat / message with some people his own age?

In any case, getting him onto these forms of communication / IT will give him a leg up when he needs to look for job. the more comfortable that he is with these things the better.


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## Jellybeans

Do 7 year olds have cell phones now?


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## NextTimeAround

Jellybeans said:


> Do 7 year olds have cell phones now?


I think so. I also remember my niece messaging friends on the computer at a young age.

IT, social media, communications, they're all the wave of the future. I think that earlier that you get a child onto it, the sooner they learn how to use the technology, understand what they need to avoid online / in cyberspace and well, the stepson is also connecting to other children his age.

that's a good thing since we are now in an economy in which relationships are important. Kids who have trouble making and maintaining friendships will be at a disadvantage.


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## LoveLonely

coffee4me said:


> My kids were both super talkative when they were young.
> 
> Music was a great diversion , they would sing and that did help.
> 
> But I also just told them "can we please stop talking for a while. I can't think straight and I have no idea what you are saying."
> 
> I just tended to tell them straight out what I needed and they got it.


I think this might be getting to the heart of the problem with me. Being a step parent has been difficult for me because I sometimes feel powerless. If it were my child, there would be no problem (and there wasn't..mines grown now). This falls into a category of not being confident that my displeasure will be received well by the mother. Sure there are times that the talking gets to her, but she doesn't consistently say something. So it is difficult for me to know when I am crossing a line.


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## Rowan

Well, I was going to suggest bourbon, but Nyquil is probably "safer". 

And, I'm going to be the mean mommy who says hell to the NO on getting a 7 year old a cell phone. Just parent the child. Let him know that while communication is good, everyone needs some down time. It's perfectly fine to ask him to stop talking for a while, or to go in his room to play quietly, when you've had enough. Children eventually learn to self-monitor and learn to talk when it's appropriate and stop when it's not. But you can help with that by letting him know when it's not appropriate for him to keep speaking non-stop. And, yes, most children will sort of grow out of this, especially as their friends also begin to let them know that they talk too much. 

And, yes to date nights alone with your wife, even if they're nothing more than a couple hours on a blanket in the park with a picnic basket of sandwiches from home.


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## nikoled

No cell phone for a 7 year old. Seriously. 7 year olds do not communicate with other 7 year olds by cell phone- they play. You don't want to let a 7 year old loose on the internet- that is crazy. 7 year olds need real people to communicate with. Find him a friend. Schedule a playdate. Enroll him in an afterschool activity to burn some energy. Communicate with the child- I mean really engage and communicate with him, but set a time limit on it and let him know there is a time limit. When time is up help him transition to another activity that does not involve you and is "quiet". Have him play some music and play with legos in his room. Have him read a book. Let him play a video or computer game for a little while. But really, 7 year olds need to PLAY and with other kids. If you don't know other kids help him make some friends- maybe he's just really lonely!!


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## frusdil

My stepdaughter is a chatterbox, especially when she was 7...I think it's cute.

I find it really sad that your stepson gets on your nerves...he'll only be 7 once, you should be glad that he's happy, not irritated by his sweet little voice


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## mablenc

Is it possible the kid may have Asperger's syndrome?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## married tech

Personally I suggest getting a job driving school bus twice a day for a local elementary school. 

That's what I do and I can assure you they all talk and talk and talk even if no one and nothing is anywhere near them. 

Do you have any idea how many conversations I have a day that start mid sentence cover 10 - 20 subjects then end mid sentence all within a 5 - 10 mile driving distance? :scratchhead: 
(I don't. I stopped counting just to protect my sanity.)


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## appletree

I suggest violin lessons here. If this kid is not musical you will miss the chattering.
Otherwise kids need to learn to be quiet, so I think it's OK to tell him to be quiet.


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## EnjoliWoman

Toward the end of the day my STAH mother used to put a bandaid over my mouth and tell me I could take it off when Dad got home.  I don't think I was 'damaged' by this. Like another poster, she just needed to be able to think and have a little quiet.

It's perfectly fine to tell him that you'd love to talk with him, but you also want to talk with Mom. Set a timer for 15 minutes and give him a coloring book, book, etc. - a quiet activity in his room and that he cannot come out until the timer goes off. When it goes off, he can come back out but he MUST not interrupt. You can do this during dinner or at other times during the evening. At 7 they understand taking turns. You and Mom need a 'turn' to talk and so again, set the timer and he has to finish his dinner or take his bath or whatever normal evening routine you can work around.

It's the age. They have finally really mastered the language and are pretty good at expressing themselves and they are discovering things and stuff is just so darn interesting! They are just bubbling over. 

So get a timer and stock up on activities like bubbles (can't talk while blowing bubbles!) or a bicycle, arts and crafts, books, etc. Maybe even a kindle or tablet that has educational games on it and he only gets 30 minutes.

Believe me, the time will fly and soon he'll be a teen and you can't pry 3 words out of him about his day.


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## john117

Here you go...

View attachment 20194


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## EleGirl

Besides disciplining him and listening to him talk, what do you and your wife do with your step-son? What kinds of activities?

What kinds of things does he have at home to keep himself busy?

Does he have friends over to play?

While he's talking a lot, it sounds like a symptom. What else is going on.


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## Oldfaithful

Well it could be that he is purposely talking to keep the two of you from talking so that he is always the center of attention. 

It could be that he needs to learn manners and needs to be taught that interrupting is not ok. (Actually that's definitely true.) 

He needs to know he is not above everyone else. 

Did he start talking late? Does he have problems with loud noises? Does he cover his ears a lot at things like toilets flushing or hair dryers? Does he have a lot of unusual fears for kids his age?

How long have you been with your wife?


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## golfergirl

I feel your pain. I feel like a mean mom because inside my head I'm screaming 'zip it'. It's exhausting. I have said, 'mommy can't think please be quiet for a bit'. Before you jump in and just say it - chat with your wife. If someone else dared say my son's constant chatter is anything more than music to their ears, I could be a little hurt. If approached right she probably wouldn't be offended, but If you jump right in and tell jr to zip it, it might cause stress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround

One thing is certain, while it is good that he is verbal, he does need to learn that it is not always about him.


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## Happyfamily

john117 said:


> Here you go...
> 
> View attachment 20194


Oh my Lord. Did you do that? That isn't for real is it?


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## john117

It's a big joke. Used to be it contained 25% alcohol


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## married tech

My mom used to have a 1 gallon jug of green eye under the kitchen sink for my brother and I when she needed some quiet time. 

Green eye is basically everclear with burnt sugar and some food coloring. 190 proof tastes delightfully sweet and has a color that appeals to children! :smthumbup:

I think she used to put at least a gallon through my little brother at least once every few years. Was a PITA kid at bedtime.


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## WaverlyHanson

Interesting suggestions! I especially liked the first reply with the practical and positive ideas.

Wonder if he is really talking more than the average 7 year old or its been too long since you've been around a 7 year old day after day??

Wonder too if he is talking and hoping someone will not only listen but interact with him on some subject making him feel heard and important.

Hopefully you and his mom will talk soon about boundaries, setting times for just your own talk times either in your bedroom or in some other room while he is in his room knowing this is special grown up talk time regularly. Kids can learn that is part of the normal day.

Listening with eye contact and interacting may also be helpful if it can be done regularly for short periods. 

Having him have play dates with other kids at their homes as well as at your home will probably also help a lot.

Usually this is a stage that does pass and at least you may learn a lot about how he thinks or about his imagination when he is talking to himself.

You guys will survive this stage with patience and more structure for him - not as a punishment - but as a normal limit. You mentioned your wife likes you to be involved in discipline so she may be very happy if you can both talk about some of these ideas and agree how to proceed!
All the best, WaverlyHanson


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## Omego

Is he just chatting to himself and playing or is he constantly demanding your attention?

Anyway, I sense your resentment. You feel that you're not in control of your own surroundings. I understand. Are you close to your step-son? Can you just say "Step-son, please stop talking for a while. How about reading a book or drawing or x, y ,z."

You shouldn't feel like you are not allowed to make the same requests of a step child that you would make of your own. What the mother wouldn't appreciate is your being mean for no reason to her child, and that's perfectly normal. But it's not being mean for the child to learn that there is a time for children, and a time for adults.


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## jack.c

WaverlyHanson said:


> Wonder too if he is talking and hoping someone will not only listen but interact with him on some subject making him feel heard and important.


THIS.... :iagree:

I am a father of a 14 year old and a 7 year old.... The 7 year old is chatting very often, it's an age that needs attention. You give it to him and you can be more then sure that you are his hero, if you dont, he will learn not to bother you nor his mother and then it will be to late for both of you to have any communications with him in the future.
Sorry if i will sound a bit harsh but it's questions like yours that dont surprize me when kids grow up a certain way


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## dedad

To the OP,

Embrace the chatterbox. You can't wish these things away. Read a book, play catch, go for a walk, be a hero to him.

He exists. It was not his decision to come into this life. It was his parents that wanted him made. 

Nobody gives a s*** here that you and your wife work hard and long hours. Almost all parents do - even (or especially) the ones that stay home. You just gotta change your battery and get going coz you are a parent and it is your responsibility.

I do agree with your point and concern on teaching the boy some social skills. That is a worthy cause. Make sure that you are doing it for good reasons and not because you just want time with your wife.


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## Willowlake

My son, who will be 17 next month, has been a chatter box all his life. It's just the way he is. He is slightly ADHD but nothing that needs medicating. I think some people are just wired to verbally express each and every thought that passes through their minds. My son is also constantly on the go, he needs to keep super busy or he goes crazy. 

It can be hard to deal with at times but I've accepted that this is just the way he is. There are plus sides to it. When we have company over the conversations are always lively if he is involved and whenever there are projects/chores needing done he is right there ready to give lots of the extra energy he always seems to have. 

I suspect that this extra mental energy/fortitude will be something that serves him well later in life. He's always raring to go so will probably be more than able to tackle whatever life throws at him.


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## Theseus

Buy a good set of headphones. Even better, get the noise-cancelling kind.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Does he watch television, listen to the radio or watch stuff on the internet or mainstream movies?

Kids emulate what they're exposed to.

We sat in a waiting room today with a t.v. and there was some kind of talk show on and it was chatchatchatchatchatchatCHAT blahblbahblahblahblahblahblaH I could not believe it. How can people listen to verbage that fast and voluminous that says nothing at all? How can any talk show host produce that stuff with a straight face and call themselves a professional?

Most kids' movies are not that much better. There is constant dialogue with characters wise-assing every other sentence. 

My kids read, one plays in a string band. They make their own movies, with dialogue that's normal pace and substance. The closest they get to fast dialogue is Sponge Bob. And that's limited. 

You might also want to clean up his diet. If he has access to caffeinated drinks or foods, or a lot of sugar and additives, these can significantly "speed up" verbage. 

I feel for you. We are a quiet family. My daughter is the noisiest of us and even she will tell her very quiet brother to just shut up, every once in a while (so she can read.)

We're still laughing about years ago, when my son had some cotton candy at a fair. He was chattering all the way home, like someone had given him speed. I think it was the blue that did it.


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## Boottothehead

Our 9 year old is a crazy little motormouth right now. I think she doesn't get a lot of attention when she is a her mom's house. Whenever her dad talks to her on the phone, she is always on the computer unsupervised, playing nintendo unsupervised or watching tv by herself. Sometimes kids feel like no one appreciates them. I'll admit she drives me up he wall sometimes and I really want to play the quiet game with her, but some of the stories she makes up are pretty original and funny and I want to encourage her creativity. Grandma and Grandpa got her a kid's tablet for her birthday last month and she has been making little movies on it. This has the bonus of letting her talk/act and then show us the end product. It's been a nice compromise.


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