# Husband and his new girlfriend,I'm hysterical?



## bluecupcake24 (Aug 17, 2013)

My heart is crushed. Please some one say something to make me feel a little better. any one who has seen my posts knows my husband left me, he has been gone one month now, and he says he is very sure he doesn't love me and he wants the divorce for sure. We have not filed any papers yet tho. any way. Tonight i had to pick up my kids from a cook out with their grandma, and he was there with his girl friend or whatever, around my kids and his family. How could he do this to me. We just had a nice conversation about this last week, where he said if he did start to date he wouldn't flaunt the girl in front of me right away, he would keep it more quiet. I am just devastated. I mean how rude is it and inconsiderate of him to just bring this girl out to family events, and in front of my kids with out even giving me the courtesy of telling me about her. am i wrong for getting so mad at him. I know our marriage is over, but i think i'm owed a little bit of respect and consideration. He obviously doesn't care about my feelings in the slightest. I feel like i've been kicked in the stomach. i mean really, its only been a month since he left. what kind of guy does this? I'm just so hysterical and crying?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

To him (and her) it probably hasn't just been a month.

Your husband is an ass. The sooner you can get to the point of indifference, the better. Read up on the 180, and start implementing it. Basically, no communication on anything besides kids or divorce related stuff. No chit-chatting. Meet at a parking lot or somewhere to exchange the kids.

And get a kick a$$ lawyer to, well, kick his a$$. 

C


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Very rude behavior that your soon-to-be-ex husband are showing. very poor judgement too. I hope you get a better lawyer than his! His behavior is inexcusable!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I can't remember your other threads , but if both of you had an agreement about his new girlfriend , then he's acting childish , insensitive,almost spiteful.

However , there are some things that you need to do for yourself and for your kids sake.
Take a long look at yourself , is he worth crying over?
Why give a man who treats you like this so much control over your emotions and life?
Stop expecting him to care , don't expect anything from him , limit your conversations with him , stop telling him how you feel.
He is manipulating you , trying to keep you emotionally unbalanced , so that you won't get over him.
It's just a game.
A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.
Stop accepting bad treatment .
Never accept disrespect from anyone.
Love yourself.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Please please please realize he's an a$$hole and move on with your life. Please get some counseling and realize you deserve so much more. Of you need to see a doctor for antidepressants too, he's slowing killing you. You need to move in for you and your children. Later you will realize that he's so not worth it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

Sorry if this sounds harsh but he is you’re soon to be EX husband so why are you getting upset about him having a new lady friend.

So long as his new relationship does not adversely affect his ability to care for or support his children it has nothing to do with you.

You say he agreed not to "flaunt" any new girl friend but taking her to a cook out at his mother’s to which you do not appear to have been invited (you picked the kids up) is surely better than lying about a relationship.

As others have said the sooner the pair of you get your divorce papers in and get on with your new lives the better for you all.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

What kind of guy does this? One that's been skirting around for months before he actually left.

I know you are hurt...I'm so sorry.

Cry it out.

Then pick yourself up and tell that rat Ba$tard that you can do way better than him, and then do it! No one deserves to be treated that way....

Take PBear's advice and do the 180 on him.

and P.S....it's looks like his family is okay with his dirty dog actions toward you....so don't trust them either!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *LonelyinLove said*: Then pick yourself up and tell that rat Ba$tard that you can do way better than him, and then do it! No one deserves to be treated that way


Right now you feel like you are emotionally sinking and there is no light at the end of this tunnel, you have been betrayed on the deepest level... I am sorry... 

Realize this man is NOT a good man, repeat this to yourself , do you want to give this RAT the satisfaction that he has destroyed you... of course you don't. The greatest way to overcome in life is ..when someone hurts us this deeply... is to get back in the saddle and move on with our lives -without them....

But of course you must grieve this loss...and this is where you are.. 

Surround yourself with family & friends who are there for you at this time, encouragers to help you wade through what you feel has been ripped from you....and his coldness in how he has handled it - bringing her around so soon in front of the children. 

And keep this in mind...IF he cheated on you, he may just as well cheat on her down the line... The vast majority of cheaters do not end up staying with those they cheated on, statistically it is stacked against them.... so no matter what you see, his flaunting... likely it will end ... in due time. But make it none of your concern... 

Give your own life, and well being all the attention right now, this is your salvation..... He was *not *the man you thought he was, so he has to go...refuse to entertain him in your life anymore.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I think it's pretty irresponsible of your STBX to introduce his GF to your children so soon. I also think it's rather inappropriate and disrespectful to you that she is being included in family gatherings before your divorce is even finalized. All this says a lot about the man you've been married to, IMO...

I know this is hurtful, OP, but the best thing that you can do is try your best to rise above it. Surround yourself with people who love you and avoid the temptation to withdrew from socializing...

Your time will come. A new life is opening up to you...


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

It has only been a month of course you are hurt by this. Especially if you weren't expecting it. So now you know for certain there is no level he will not stoop to to hurt and humiliate you. He has show you what to expect from him. 

You two were once one and now your are literal tearing away so tearing something (your marriage) is GOING to hurt. Don't beat yourself up over feeling hurt. That normal. You going to go through the stages like SA said. But you will most likely move through quicker by limit your contact with him the way you were advise to in above replies. 

Go to a few free initial consultation with a few lawyers so you can know your options especially child support. Even if he giving you money now he might stop if he see you are moving on and he no longer can push your button. 

Oh and please keep telling yourself that he no longer good for you, no longer have your best interest at heart and you deserve better whenever you have longing for him. Really. Repeat it out loud to yourself if no one around. 

Hugs to you and keep venting if it help. But also post any progress you have.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I hear the karma bus acomming comming around the bend.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

You know what...that "new" girlfriend....all I have to say is if she'll cheat WITH you, she'll cheat ON you....

And to the new GF...

If he'll cheat on his wife with you, he'll cheat on you as well.

Yup, I'm with Chillymorn, I hear the karma train a coming, it's rollin round the bend....


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## jay_gatsby (Jun 4, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> I think it's pretty irresponsible of your STBX to introduce his GF to your children so soon. I also think it's rather inappropriate and disrespectful to you that she is being included in family gatherings before your divorce is even finalized. All this says a lot about the man you've been married to, IMO...
> 
> I know this hurtful, OP, but the best thing that you can do is try your best to rise above it. Surround yourself with people who love you and avoid the temptation to withdrew from socializing...
> 
> Your time will come. A new life is opening up to you...


Most child parenting experts say one year before you introduce kids to new partner, just to make sure there is not a revolving door of new partners. Looks to me the one year clock hasn't even started! Stay strong, and take the advice of the posters here, your time will come and things will get better.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I guess the only consolation is it won't take the kids long to figure out their father's a cheater
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tiberius (Mar 22, 2012)

One other thing that bothers me here is the willingness of his family/your mother in law to have this new girlfriend in their house knowing well the history between you two.
Did his mother not think about your feelings?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

maybe they already knew about her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tiberius (Mar 22, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> maybe they already knew about her
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Even better, if they already knew about her, they should have made it clear to their son not to bring her if his wife and kids were coming too.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Tiberius said:


> One other thing that bothers me here is the willingness of his family/your mother in law to have this new girlfriend in their house knowing well the history between you two.
> Did his mother not think about your feelings?


We can't blame the parents its all on him. For one thing we don't even know if they were aware he was bringing her. It could have been a shock to them and they didn't want to make a scene. Or maybe the wife wasn't invited and the parents didn't know she would pick up the kids. Remember she say she was there at night to pick up the kids. Maybe they know about this girl and have told him he should let his wife go if he no longer love her. There just not enough information to pass judgment on the parents.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

some parents support their children no matter how foolish they are . 

What is his family like?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> You say he agreed not to "flaunt" any new girl friend but taking her to a cook out at his mother’s to which you do not appear to have been invited (you picked the kids up) is surely better than lying about a relationship.


Not only does this say a lot about the "husband" as others point out, that says a lot about his family too, that they have no issue with a married man bringing his girlfriend to family events. Makes you wonder how long they may have been compliant/"in the know."



> Or maybe the wife wasn't invited and the parents didn't know she would pick up the kids.


Meaning they thought everyone would get away with it without being caught?


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

I wonder if the "girlfriend" knows he slept with you last week. What an a**. Hire a shark. In my world, his chances at an amicable divorce just went out the window.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Yeah I wondered if the girlfriend knows he slept with you last week as well.

I also hear the karma bus coming around the bend too.


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

bluecupcake24 said:


> My heart is crushed. Please some one say something to make me feel a little better. any one who has seen my posts knows my husband left me, he has been gone one month now, and he says he is very sure he doesn't love me and he wants the divorce for sure. We have not filed any papers yet tho. any way. Tonight i had to pick up my kids from a cook out with their grandma, and he was there with his girl friend or whatever, around my kids and his family. How could he do this to me. We just had a nice conversation about this last week, where he said if he did start to date he wouldn't flaunt the girl in front of me right away, he would keep it more quiet. I am just devastated. I mean how rude is it and inconsiderate of him to just bring this girl out to family events, and in front of my kids with out even giving me the courtesy of telling me about her. am i wrong for getting so mad at him. I know our marriage is over, but i think i'm owed a little bit of respect and consideration. He obviously doesn't care about my feelings in the slightest. I feel like i've been kicked in the stomach. i mean really, its only been a month since he left. what kind of guy does this? I'm just so hysterical and crying?


You aren't wrong for getting upset. So scream, yell, cry (privately) then you'll have to face facts. He wanted the girl there with him and his family. Even though you aren't divorced, it looks like his family was ok with him bringing his girlfriend. You cannot control that aspect.

The problem you should have is with him bringing the woman around the children, but not about you and your feelings. If he made it clear that he wants out of the marriage, you'll have to deal with it. It isn't pleasant, but it's your reality. Although the breakup is still fresh, you'll need to pull yourself together for your children.


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

Tiberius said:


> Even better, if they already knew about her, they should have made it clear to their son not to bring her if his wife and kids were coming too.


Maybe his family has accepted her into the fold. Remember, we're only hearing one side of the story.


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> We can't blame the parents its all on him. For one thing we don't even know if they were aware he was bringing her. It could have been a shock to them and they didn't want to make a scene. Or maybe the wife wasn't invited and the parents didn't know she would pick up the kids. Remember she say she was there at night to pick up the kids. Maybe they know about this girl and have told him he should let his wife go if he no longer love her. There just not enough information to pass judgment on the parents.


There isn't enough info to pass judgement on anyone. To really know what's going on, we'd have to hear from all parties involved.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

ugh, mine is engaged!!!!

We had similar convo's - although one sided from HIS side.. he kept going back and forth on dating...

Actually we just passed the 1 year separation mark and I promise you things get better! When I found out about the engagement I almost thought it was my duty to just tell the girl what an a$$ he is... but I bet she will find out soon enough.

As for the family issue... maybe he is downplaying this relationship to his family?

I don't have any kids but I would be mad too if someone was hanging around while you're trying to provide them with some stability.

The only thing I would caution you of is trying to find a way to check if he filed. Who files first does NOT make a difference, but it's often used as a psychological tactic, maybe that is why he is being so nice?

I went to a women's legal clinic maybe a week or so ago, and they told me mine filed, but has not served me. In my case I assume he cannot find me.

Get a good lawyer and be good to yourself and the kids, the rest will come.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He is a jerk.

I would have told her (if you wanted to be sassy) that you just slept with him last week, or whenever it was that you did and watched the chips fall where they did.

Or you could just start seeing this guy for what he is. He does not love you. Nothing he is doing is showing or indicative of a man that loves his wife.

He is using you. And my bet is he was having an affair with her for awhile which is why he left.

Classic story.

End all contact w/ him besides co-parenting. Don't let him see you sweat and for goodness sake, PLEASE STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> He is a jerk.
> 
> I would have told her (if you wanted to be sassy) that you just slept with him last week, or whenever it was that you did and watched the chips fall where they did.
> 
> ...


Oh, I would FOR SURE make sure that she finds out about you having sex! Otherwise, you just need to detach completely. I agree with Jellybeans.


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> He is a jerk.
> 
> I would have told her (if you wanted to be sassy) that you just slept with him last week, or whenever it was that you did and watched the chips fall where they did.
> 
> ...


Why sink so low by telling this woman about sleeping with him......at the family gathering?? That wouldn't have been "sassy", but sheer stupidity. She certainly would have made herself look like a fool, a desperate, spurned wife grasping at straws. Potentially it could have started a ruckus, which is the last thing she should do at HIS family gathering and in front of her children. 

The OP says her husband told her that he no longer loves her, wants a divorce, and has moved out. 

I agree with never let him see you sweat. So that means she will have to keep her emotions in check, and handle her business no matter what happens. Walking away with your dignity intact is always the better option.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sussieq said:


> Why sink so low by telling this woman about sleeping with him......at the family gathering?? That wouldn't have been "sassy", but sheer stupidity. She certainly would have made herself look like a fool, a desperate, spurned wife grasping at straws. Potentially it could have started a ruckus, which is the last thing she should do at HIS family gathering and in front of her children.


Um, I didn't meant for her to say it in front of her family. Just to her. I would never advocate saying such things in front of a family or children. 

OP should get tested for STDs.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

AMEN on the STD test.....THIS WEEK!

You may very well not be the ONLY 2 he is currently bedding.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> Not only does this say a lot about the "husband" as others point out, that says a lot about his family too, that they have no issue with a married man bringing his girlfriend to family events. Makes you wonder how long they may have been compliant/"in the know."
> 
> 
> 
> Meaning they thought everyone would get away with it without being caught?


You conveniently omitted this part of my post:



> For one thing we don't even know if they were aware he was bringing her. It could have been a shock to them and they didn't want to make a scene.


The truth of the matter is that anything we say about his parents at this point is mere speculation.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> You conveniently omitted this part of my post:
> 
> 
> 
> The truth of the matter is that anything we say about his parents at this point is mere speculation.


I disagree. As someone else pointed out there are parents who will support their kids no matter what they do.

I have personal experience with this to. As in golden child BIL who has done this a couple of times with wives/women. No children ever involved thank god. But its always the same. MiL finds some way to find Golden boy blameless. (namely its all her fault when the relationship fails)(and just ignoring the fact that 1 week later there is a new GF practicaly moving in) 

So yes you are right that the parents aren't truly to blame, I still find it disgusting that someone who was once supposedly considered "family" can be tossed aside and replaced so easily.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

The apple doesn't usually fall far from the tree.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

:scratchhead:
What a pig H is, and at least 2 women pining over him.
Stop enabling him.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

BC24. Please stick to one thread so people can follow you better. You will find with A SINGLE THREAD there will be some posters who you will like and will stick to you better than scattering them among a bunch of threads.

How about some generic details about yourself.
Ages even if only a small range like "early thirties"
Was this his first KNOWN affair?
How much fighting before this happened?
Who is this woman IE ex, coworker, Internetcheatsite..
What state? We have people who know how to help you "win" or better termed lose less bad the divorce.

Anyway, you might request ask a moderator to have this moved to coping with infidelity section. There are many there WHO HAVE BEEN IN THE EXACT SAME situation as you. In addition, there are people like me who can help you with generic support and logistical help.

Sorry you are here. We have helped MANY just like you over there. Agree with others. He IS manipulating you hardcore. Research the 180 pronto. If not for you, then for your kids.

WL


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Maybe it's time to go out and find a young man half your husband's age to flaunt in front of him...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

That PIG! That disgusting PIG!

Does the girl friend know he took you to a motel last weekend?

Girl pull yourself together! The pain must be horrible but your kids need to see a Mom in control of herself and making good decisions.

Can you go visit family for a week where your Mom or sisters can cuddle and cry with you? Time to call out the girls, give yourself a week, then put this PIG behind you!


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

just being devil's advocate here. what if you seen the two of them together some day and went up and asked him if he could take you to the motel again? just saying it would be funny, then when he tries to come back to you just refuse him.

he is being a pig, I will say that. he obviously has no feelings for anybody involved, he made his soon to be ex wife feel like dirt, he put the new "girlfriend" in an awkward position, put the rest of his family in a tough spot as well, and made himself out to be a horrible person that everybody will see soon enough if not already.

he likely is falling under the "new teenager" spell that most separated men fall under, all of a sudden they are free to do what they want and then proceed to do so at the cost of everybody around them. I have seen it more than a couple times with co-workers and family members. they let their **** aim their lives.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Seems like the OP hasn't been back since midnight last night.
I do hope the she comes back soon to see how much support she has got here.

All of the advice given so far are strongly in support of her cutting this miscreant out of her life.
I also hope she takes the advice, even tough it may be a bit tough.


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## bluecupcake24 (Aug 17, 2013)

thank you every one. I do really appreciate the support and advice. It makes me feel a lot better to know there are people out there who support me and care. Every thing has just been so miserable and hard lately. i cry a lot. and just feel like my whole world is crashing down. every one tells me to be strong and i do try, its just so hard. i just want this pain to go away. i want to be happy again. I know there is nothing i can do to change any thing. he left me and he's not coming back. but its so hard to fully accept. but i will be ok. i'm hanging in there. i don't have much other choice.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> End all contact w/ him besides co-parenting. Don't let him see you sweat and for goodness sake, PLEASE STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM.


:iagree::iagree:


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Um, I didn't meant for her to say it in front of her family. Just to her. I would never advocate saying such things in front of a family or children.
> 
> OP should get tested for STDs.


I agree that she should be tested for stds, and don't sleep with him again. Maybe I'm missing something, but what would his wife accomplish by telling his girlfriend that she'd slept with her own husband? Since he has made his intentions clear, it won't solve anything. He doesn't want her anymore.


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