# Introducing Kids



## cmckinnon17 (Jul 2, 2015)

How soon is too soon to be introducing kids to your new love interest? My wife and I have been separated for 2 months and she's been in a new relationship for 1 month. Today she sends me a text and tells me she is taking our girls, 2 and 5, out to lunch with her new man. I told her it was too soon and that I was not ok with this but she is doing it anyways. She said it just feels right. She has already met his kids who are 9 and 14 but it was per their request and this guy has already been divorced twice.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

AT 2 and 5, I would not worry about it. But that's me.


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

Its not long enough for her to know him enough to trust him around her kids, sounds like a completely irresponsible parent. But that's me


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Waaayyyy too soon, but odds are she was already in this relationship before your split, so to her it's not really only one month.....

One of the men I dated after my divorce brought his 13 year old son on our second date (lunch date), which is very odd, generally speaking, but it was quite normal for them. He's only ever really known his dad as single and dating and he is the coolest kid ever. More mature than his dad, actually. I miss that kid!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Wait? What am I missing. I go out to lunch with my kids and lots of people.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Too soon or not, it's out of your hands. 

You said you're not OK with it. Nothing more to do unless you choose to run a background check on the guy, for your own peace of mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

NobodySpecial said:


> Wait? What am I missing. I go out to lunch with my kids and lots of people.


Have you ever introduced your children to a love interest after just one month of dating?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Have you ever introduced your children to a love interest after just one month of dating?


Certainly have no experience there. But I can't imagine a Big Introduction at lunch with a 2 and a 5 year old.


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## cmckinnon17 (Jul 2, 2015)

No she hasn't been with him longer than a month. She's been with other guys but not him. I know it's out of my control. I just don't know why she feels the need to get the kids involved in her mess already. Found out they didn't go out to lunch, instead took them to the mall to play.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> Certainly have no experience there. But I can't imagine a Big Introduction at lunch with a 2 and a 5 year old.


I guess it might seem just a tad bit odd even to young children to see Mommy behaving with a complete stranger the way she used to behave with Daddy ????


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Especially a complete stranger from Plenty of Fish (or is he the guy from Tinder, or is he the guy from the Hot Or Not app or maybe the coworker she started up with) ... not good to introduce even young kids to somebody who might be soon replaced with someone from yet another one of these sites or AM or something ...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

*cough* Background check!


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

How a new SO is introduced is more important than when, IMO. 
After divorce I had someone serious and was very careful to be gradual. 

First, she was introduced as a friend, in a group setting with other friends. Then play dates with her kid. Then going out to eat, etc. Months of baby steps before any affection, and before she was allowed at my place when my kid was home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

From past threads here I know my POV is not popular. Anyway Mr H and I have 5 kids between us and we sought professional guidance on this issue, we were already on the same page with it but really wanted to do the best by our kids. We originally planned on waiting 12 months but ended up introducing as an all in just under the year mark. We went to a local festival, had dinner and enjoyed the event around us, there was no pressure for everyone to talk as we wandered around looking at things at the festival. The kids all knew we were dating and that we were very happy but there was no need to get them involved until we were sure we had the potential for a good relationship. 

I don't think it is in the kids best interest to force them into meeting a new partner so soon, I remember being in that position as a kid and have to say that I don't have a problem with my parents divorcing but I never thought much of the way they both introduced us to their new partners so soon. No one knows if a new relationship is going to last the distance and IMHO it is reckless to bring kids into it so soon.

As it turns out we are now heading to the 4th yr of our new life together and all of our combined kids are doing really well with the blending family we are building.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

NobodySpecial said:


> Certainly have no experience there. But I can't imagine a Big Introduction at lunch with a 2 and a 5 year old.


It's not about having lunch (or playing in the mall as it turned out).....it's introducing a man to their lives PERIOD so soon....involving him in a continual way (which is most likely the plan) after just one month of dating.


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## cmckinnon17 (Jul 2, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> It's not about having lunch (or playing in the mall as it turned out).....it's introducing a man to their lives PERIOD so soon....involving him in a continual way (which is most likely the plan) after just one month of dating.


That's exactly what I'm saying. I know that another man is eventually going to be introduced into their lives as I'm sure that I'll be introducing another woman at some point. The point is that it's way too soon. I asked my 5 year old yesterday how her day went yesterday. She told me about the OM and I asked her what she thought of him. The first words that come out of her mouth are "i love him more than you, does that hurt your feelings?" Not I know she is only 5 but to hear those words come out of your kids mouth is heartbreaking. I probably didn't respond appropriately but I told her yes and to never say that again. She said she wouldn't but that she still loves him just not more than me. It took everything I had in me not to call up my STBXW and ream her out.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Unless stable n going to be potential step parent , best to leave other party out . Imo . My nephew grew up seeing many potential step dad n one day he started calling his mum **** .


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

cmckinnon17 said:


> That's exactly what I'm saying. I know that another man is eventually going to be introduced into their lives as I'm sure that I'll be introducing another woman at some point. The point is that it's way too soon. I asked my 5 year old yesterday how her day went yesterday. She told me about the OM and I asked her what she thought of him. The first words that come out of her mouth are "i love him more than you, does that hurt your feelings?" Not I know she is only 5 but to hear those words come out of your kids mouth is heartbreaking. I probably didn't respond appropriately but I told her yes and to never say that again. She said she wouldn't but that she still loves him just not more than me. It took everything I had in me not to call up my STBXW and ream her out.


So I withdraw my former opinion. Your daughter's comments are just weird. Something is not right with that comment.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

cmckinnon17 said:


> That's exactly what I'm saying. I know that another man is eventually going to be introduced into their lives as I'm sure that I'll be introducing another woman at some point. The point is that it's way too soon. I asked my 5 year old yesterday how her day went yesterday. She told me about the OM and I asked her what she thought of him. The first words that come out of her mouth are "i love him more than you, does that hurt your feelings?" Not I know she is only 5 but to hear those words come out of your kids mouth is heartbreaking. I probably didn't respond appropriately but I told her yes and to never say that again. She said she wouldn't but that she still loves him just not more than me. It took everything I had in me not to call up my STBXW and ream her out.


Wow, I'm so sorry she said that!!


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> So I withdraw my former opinion. Your daughter's comments are just weird. Something is not right with that comment.


Agreed. I'm skeptical that the comment came out of nowhere.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Have you ever introduced your children to a love interest after just one month of dating?


And while still married


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Way too soon to be meeting kids, IMO and wtf was that comment from your daughter? That's not something a 5 year old would say on their own...just....no.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Way too soon but women are going to do whatever they want. You can see the damage she doing to the kids. For your 5 year old daughter to make that comment tells me your wife is poisoning her mind against you. With 2 small kids, she has already been with several men. Real classy. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. Divorce is ugly.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

cmckinnon17 said:


> That's exactly what I'm saying. I know that another man is eventually going to be introduced into their lives as I'm sure that I'll be introducing another woman at some point. The point is that it's way too soon. I asked my 5 year old yesterday how her day went yesterday. She told me about the OM and I asked her what she thought of him. The first words that come out of her mouth are "I love him more than you, does that hurt your feelings?" Not I know she is only 5 but to hear those words come out of your kids mouth is heartbreaking. I probably didn't respond appropriately but I told her yes and to never say that again. She said she wouldn't but that she still loves him just not more than me. It took everything I had in me not to call up my STBXW and ream her out.


* Your XW is a total skank! She's putting her own personal desires far ahead of the psychological development of the kids. Something is indeed "rotten in Denmark," otherwise that impressionable young daughter of yours would have never unknowingly and unintentionally uttered those hurtful words to you!

If I were you, I'd be extremely concerned over the way that my kids were being brought up  in abstentia by that uncaring, shallow-minded, sorry excuse for an XW of yours! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

cmckinnon17 said:


> That's exactly what I'm saying. I know that another man is eventually going to be introduced into their lives as I'm sure that I'll be introducing another woman at some point. The point is that it's way too soon. I asked my 5 year old yesterday how her day went yesterday. She told me about the OM and I asked her what she thought of him. The first words that come out of her mouth are "i love him more than you, does that hurt your feelings?" Not I know she is only 5 but to hear those words come out of your kids mouth is heartbreaking. I probably didn't respond appropriately but I told her yes and to never say that again. She said she wouldn't but that she still loves him just not more than me. It took everything I had in me not to call up my STBXW and ream her out.


It is way too soon for the kids to meet the OM. Personally, I don't think the kids should meet the other person unless they are talking marriage. I know my cousin's child has met every single guy she dated and has seen men come into and out of her life often. It's really sad that she is exposed to that. 

The comment is really weird and I doubt she thought of it herself. Once you can feel a bit more calm about the situation, I'd try talking to your ex again about keeping your kids out of the dating picture.


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

It is unfortunate that her good time and piece of beep is more to her than her kids.

Trust me when I say I have seen this type of thing and it never ends well. 

You should not be dating while still married and you sure as heck don't introduce your kids to the new dude while still married.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

jsmart said:


> *Way too soon but women are going to do whatever they want.* You can see the damage she doing to the kids. For your 5 year old daughter to make that comment tells me your wife is poisoning her mind against you. With 2 small kids, she has already been with several men. Real classy. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. Divorce is ugly.


*This is not gender specific.* I would never intro my kids early to a new partner and don't know of any of the women in my circle that have done so either.

My ex husband on the other hand introduced our kids to a woman he had know for all of a nano second, they then broke up after 2 months and the kids were left confused.
Could also give you at least 4 other examples of men (friends ex's) that have done the same thing.


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## cmckinnon17 (Jul 2, 2015)

The next day he ended up taking my kids and STBXW out for pizza and ice cream. He also ended up buying the kids a new fish for her apartment . I hate that this guy is already buying my kids gifts and taking them out. I'm sure he's trying to win them over but with his being a dad as well you would think he would know about boundaries. I hate that my kid are being put in the middle of this.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You need to have a word with your ex about this asap. He shouldn't be this involved with your kids and you can tell her if there is no resolution, you may need to go down a legal route to restrict strange men from buying sweets for your little daughters (creepy).

He needs to be paying attention to his own kids instead!


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