# She's moving out on Saturday



## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

So, the rollercoaster of emotions continues! She is moving out this Saturday and all around the house are packed boxes. The reality is setting in. 

I mean, she has treated me like a piece of dirt in the past month during our 'in home separation' and it has been hell. So I should be glad to see her go right? But deep down all the initial feelings of sadness and fear of the future are starting to rear their ugly heads again.

Also on the night that she moves out we will be both attending a mutual friends birthday party....talk about awkward.

I was feeling quite good last week but have returned to a bit of a low now. Canguy recommended some books on another thread and the one titled Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends sounds like the right one for me.

Anyway, I am off for an intensive 10km bike ride to get some of this negativity out of my system


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Mothra777 said:


> So, the rollercoaster of emotions continues! She is moving out this Saturday and all around the house are packed boxes. The reality is setting in.


Ouch... I've been in your shoes. Went through the same thing this past January and February. It was a very difficult and wrenching period. She was (mostly) happy to move out while I was absolutely devastated.

Keep reminding yourself it gets better and that you'll be ok. It's normal and ok to feel sad, uncertain and stressed about the future, and there will be rough roller coaster rides. Hold on tight.

Good to hear you've got a physical outlet for this. Mine was walking. Keep busy, talk with friends, vent and share your success on TAM, read self-help books, allow yourself to feel sad and release emotion, and keep focused on moving forward. 

Feel free to PM me anytime. I'd be glad to offer support as you go through this.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mothra my house feels incredibly huge now that my ex and her belongings are gone. I actually stay in one room most of the time and avoid the biggest parts of the house. Its like a cavern.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

@Bandit - we just finished renovating 2 large rooms that will be mostly empty and unused now. It's going to be strange and very quiet.

But I also realise that it is over between her and I and it is an important step in moving on. Being separated in the same house was a horrible limbo that I do not wish upon anyone. 

@Canguy - thanks for the support. Your posts about moving on have been inspirational. I hope I can one day get somewhere close to where you are now.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I have no love for limbo and as sad as it is I am glad that that part is over for you because limbo is a unique kind of hell and no one should live in it. 

Some of the best words of wisdom I have ever read have been on these boards and some from the posters above. I have never been where you are but I just read your post and wanted to not "walk" on by it but post my best wishes for you in the steps ahead of you.

Good luck and chin up.


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

Thanks Kuriosity. I have a long road ahead but I will get there. The emotions are similar to when a loved one dies...except here the one you love(d) is still alive and kicking. It's very hard to deal with. I am sure this weekend will kick me in the guts quite hard but I also hope it signifies a path to a new beginning.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Yes, i just recommended that book to somebody Rebuilding When you relationship ends is amazing. I just read the whole thing first and now I'm working step by step with my shrink. Highly recommended. Chapeter 16, Relatedness made me especially better. It talks about rebound relationship, or healing relationships as he calls them. They apparently don't last and hurt especially bad when over because the dumper in the marriage is thinking about the future rather than present. I can't really explain it, but if you want to feel better and more hopeful that book is a MUST.


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## Andy968 (Apr 29, 2012)

My wife moved out a month ago and I felt the same way you are. I helped move her furniture, hooked up appliances, etc. Even cut her grass because it was ten inches long. Anyhow... I felt like I could throw up for the week it took to get her moved out. First week was hard being in an empty house. I want to encourage you because three weeks later, I found I'm doing much better. I'm enjoying my kids and myself. I'm not bogged down by the emotional tension we had in each others presence. I can focus on my kids, my house, and work on myself (180/NC). I finding separation isn't necessarily a bad thing in my case. I can't speak for you, but you may find some relief as time moves on. I wish you well.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Andy968 said:


> I'm not bogged down by the emotional tension we had in each others presence.


Definitely something to look forward to. What a relief that was.


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

Andy968 - I agree it will be a relief not to have that emotional tension floating around the house. I am sure our 7 yr old son has picked up on it and is doing him no good. 

I am not helping move or hook up appliances at her new place. She has asked her brother to help with that. I kind of feel bad that I am not offering to assist but at the same time she chose to leave and her behaviour in the last month (flirting with guys on dating sites behind my back) is not something I can forgive or forget in a hurry. So I would only feel like I was being used as a 'back up husband' if I was to assist with the move.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

Must say the whole limbo thing is for the birds. Growing up I can remember my mom tell me the worst thing a parent could go through was having a child kidnaped. Reason is you dont know if your child is alive or dead. 
I liken that to the limbo feeling I felt a few weeks ago before i caught my wife having an affair. It sux my marriage is over. That being said I'm glad because now I can begin to heal. Don't get me wrong the emotional roller coster sux. But at least I can have up moments at times.


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

I have my up moments too...helped along by doing the 180 purely for myself.

Also on the weekend just gone I got to take my son on a coastal holiday with a group of friends. He played with their kids, swam at the beach during the day and at night the adults drank wine and ate fine food. I got to talk about everything that has been going on to some very supportive friends (2 of whom have been through it all before)

I took my son fishing on the beach and I am the most hopeless fisherman going! But I caught to decent size fish in half an hour and he got so excited. It was a great father/son moment. It was a fish BBQ that evening followed by more wines and beer.

It was a weekend of positive energy and good times...then I came home to all the packed boxes and got hit with sadness for the first time in a while. I'd imagine it will be up and down like this for a while. But I know I need to set a good example for my son and moping around pitying myself is not going to do that.


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

3 days to go. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...

I am planning to party pretty hard at a friends 40th on the Saturday night she moves. Sunday's hangover will be interesting...I hope I don't find myself in a 'pity pit'


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You need to not even be there when she moves. Disappear until you know she is gone. She doesn't deserve a goodbye from you.


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

Yep - I will be out all that day and also that night. I won't be there to say goodbye or lift a single item of furniture. She'll be feeling some Bandit style darkness for a good while too.


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## Andy968 (Apr 29, 2012)

Hey Mothra. I think you are spot on not helping her move out. My situation required it as she had no one else, and I want her to leave knowing I set her up to succeed, whether she chooses divorce or not. Once I met that requirement, the "bandit style darkness" has followed. Good to see you had a good weekend with your son. Keep your chin up.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Make sure you have the locks changed after she's out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

So how are you now she's gone?


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

@Lost Husband - separation in the same house was hell, so I am glad that part is over. The tension was thick in the air the previous few weeks before her moving.

But it also makes the separation more real and final. So it has sent me on another emotional rollercoaster ridge of sadness and loneliness mixed in with anger/bitterness. 

So, whilst it is not great. I know it is an important step in moving on and letting her go. She has been ringing to say goodnight to my son every night which does not help but I only say a few words to her on the phone when I answer it. If she text or sends me emails about business items, my replies are short and to the point. I need to work on totally detaching myself from her now.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

Yeah man that's the hard part. Sounds like you and I aren't too far apart when it comes to wives splitting. 
Mine just took off on me about a month ago. So believe me when I say "The limbo stage SUCKS" so glad it's over. Now I'm just dealing with the fact she's in love with another man. 
Working hard on healing myself and moving on. Hard to do after 20 years. Really want to be the best that I can be.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

Yeah man that's the hard part. Sounds like you and I aren't too far apart when it comes to wives splitting. 
Mine just took off on me about a month ago. So believe me when I say "The limbo stage SUCKS" so glad it's over. Now I'm just dealing with the fact she's in love with another man. 
Working hard on healing myself and moving on. Hard to do after 20 years. Really want to be the best that I can be.


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