# I need some advice



## Twittychip (Oct 19, 2009)

My husband and I have been together for 8 years. We partied a lot in our teenager years and the first two years of marriage. Then I got pregnant, we agreed to start trying and so within four months I was pregnant. I wanted to stop the partying and settle down, he said he did too... All throughout my pregnancy he continued to party, lied to me and wouldn't come home until 4 in the morning. When I gave birth I had a horrible labor and had an emergeny c-section. When our daughter was 1 week old he left me for 24 hours with her and said he was working, come to find out he was partying. I saved up money while I was pregnant and he stole it all. I ended up putting him into rehab for a few days and then he went right back to partying shortly after. So, I took my daughter and went and visited a friend for two weeks. We were okay for about another week. Come to find out he was having lots of fun while I was gone. He's also verbally abusive to me and at times I'm afraid. Tonight he told me that if I didn't go to his family for Thanksgiving that he would take our daughter and go without me. I'm threatened by this. I've felt like leaving, but I don't really want to, I have no job and no money. I really love my daughter and I told him that if he forced me to decide that I would leave, so he says he wants me to leave. I know he's just saying that to hurt me, but I don't know anymore. I'm so hurt and scared. He's never even taken our daughter anywhere by his self and I'm still breastfeeding and he doesn't even care... I already started buying stuff for our family's thanksgiving. Our daughter is only 8 months old. I need some advice on what I should do, should I leave, is this abuse?


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## melvis (Oct 29, 2009)

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Twittychip said:



All throughout my pregnancy he continued to party, lied to me and wouldn't come home until 4 in the morning. He's also verbally abusive to me and at times I'm afraid. Tonight he told me that if I didn't go to his family for Thanksgiving that he would take our daughter and go without me. I'm threatened by this.

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Twittychip said:


> This is the definition of abuse for sure. Anytime someone makes you feel threatened, or uses the threat of taking away your child to get what they want, its abuse. I understand you are scared and very vulnerable right now because of lack of money and having a young child, but you need to leave this situation like YESTERDAY!!
> I had to do the same thing when my daughter was 2 years old. I had no money, working a minumum wage job, and my husband was physically and verbally abusive. {because of drugs. We partied too} I left when my nieces came to visit because I knew he would not act out in front of other people. {some of my family thought I was lying about the abuse because he would only do it when we were alone} Anyway, I ran to my dads house, and sure enuff, he showed up night after night sitting in front of the house just waiting for me to come out. My dad {ex-marine} finally took a shotgun outside and made him leave. That was the best thing I ever did!
> So, if you have family or friends that you can go stay with, that would be my suggestion. You need others around you to give you support. If not, there are many shelters for women and children that will provide you what you need and keep you safe. But don't stay because of financial reasons. Its not worth it.
> Good luck, and god bless!


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## Lostandconfused (Jul 6, 2009)

In the event you don't have family and need a shelter you can find one by calling the sheriff's office or United Way. Either will provide you with the number to a women's shelter. The shelter will be a secret place that he will not be able to find and will accept both you and your daughter. They will evaluate your situation and put you in touch with many other agencies to assist you in getting back on your feet.

If you truly feel threatened, leave immediately. If you cannot leave on your own, call the police to come help you leave.

Praying and hoping,
Lost


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## Twittychip (Oct 19, 2009)

Really? So, that's the only advice there is? To leave? It's harder than it sounds. I've been with him for 8 years and there's a lot of money and time and things involved... but I do love my daughter more than anything and if I have to, I'll do what I need to for her. Does anyone else have any more advice?


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

Yes, I have some advice. Leave him. I know it is not the advice you want, but I am here to tell you that I have been in an abusive relationship for 12 years and it is only getting worse!

Love yourself and your daughter enough to go.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

OK, I am going to offer the "have a talk with him" first advice. If that fails, then leave.

If you have not already done so, set up a time to talk when there are no distractions. Maybe after you put the baby to sleep. Tell him how you feel and that you would like to have a calm talk with him, don't raise your voice or seem angry. Open up to him and let him know that the way he is treating you is going to end up breaking up your marriage. Let him know what his actions are doing to you and if there is anything about you that is bothering him. Tell him this but only if he does not seem mad at what you are saying, you don't want him to start the abuse again. Give yourself a timeline for him to change and stick with it. If he continues to be abusive and do the things he has been doing behind your back then I have to agree with the others on here that it is time for you to move on - leave!

Of course, talking with him will only work if you BOTH care about each other.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Be careful about talking with him if he is physically abusive. You do not want to appear to "threaten" him with leaving. That could trigger violence. We don't know how abusive he is, only you do.


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