# wanting too but scared



## idknemore (Jan 26, 2012)

I been married almost 2 yrs. I haev known my husband for 6 yrs. I have a daughter which thankfully is not his. My story is I moved my daughter and myself to Texas when he separated from active duty (navy) to be with him. Shortly after of month in texas he blamed me for him leaving Active Duty- I had nothing to do with this, I told him to do what he wants because if he regretted it I did not want to be blamed- boy I was wrong! Then that led to him constantly yelling at me for everything that goes wrong in his life - even bs from his past. Then I find out I am his 4th marriage not his 3rd like he had told me. So i start putting things together and find out he is a liar and has had bipolar ( which he refuses to admit- he was diagnosed as a teen and after 10 yrs on meds- he is the medical miracle for being cured of bipolar). So I have to deal with his ups and downs. I am a mom like I mentioned and I go to school fulltime which I recieve the allowance for so I have an income, he barely works 40 hrs a week and when he is home does NOTHING but play xbox and goes out his way to make a mess and not clean it up. I have spent a year tryingto fix this marriage and even changed everything about myself- I have no friends in texas- no family. To make matters worst he has knocked me out and my daughter saw this, one night he was drunk as a skunk and beat me in my head and for the fear of calling the police bc it would mess up his military career ( plus he has threathen to kill me if I did that) i simply left after i managed to get him off me, so he calls the police and says i attacked him this fool even scratched himself up and blacked his own eye and told them i did this- well the police found me and asked what happen and i explained everything and no one went to jail. well that was the last time he has hit me but now he is verbally abusing me and i know i need to leave and should of a yr ago but i gave up my whole life to be with him and i will lose everything if i leave. living in texas the laws are different when it comes to marriage - example he made sure he bought the house a month before we got married so i lose it ( not that I want it) but i have paid for all the improvements. he threathens me with his military and how he can screw me so bad bc he is military. Now i am a normal person i do everything i can to help anyone person or animal... i am a good wife- i dont ask him for anything- i cook clean and take care of my daughter and his when she visits. i dont say much to him and havent for fear he will hit me again bc he does get in my face and he acts like he is gonna hit me. I am at a lost and really need advice from military people on how i handled this with him and what can happen if i go to the military for help and if you live inn tx and know the laws that would be helpful. I dont want to lose everything that I have killed myself to get.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

It may be a hard decision but you do sometimes have to lose everything you have worked so hard for. Life isnt always fair.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You have to leave.
He's no longer in the military, you can't go there for help.
He can probably get veteran's medical care especially for psych issues, but it depends on his discharge conditions, he might have been kicked out, have you seen his DD Form 214 for type of discharge?
He is violent, you could lose your child if you stay with him.
Obviously he is not sane, so you should be scared.
But now that you acknowledge your fear, you have to pay attention to it, listen to it. 
This path you have of making things work out with him, is a false challenge. You think you already invested so much, you don't want to lose it. You take your experience with you. Your daughter too. And your life. If someone isn't stable like your husband, and he doesn't get help, then you have to understand it's not safe to be under the same roof with him. Someone like that can just snap.
All this stuff about military. The statistics about domestic abuse have been published. Just because he's in the military doesn't make him somehow more mentally fit than you. It might mean he can't function outside of a highly structure environment, and has to rely on time and paperwork to make a promotion. Check his DD Form 214. Look think about it this way, 3 other women have successfully left him. Chances are it wasn't them.


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