# Confused...



## browneyed_girl (Jan 17, 2013)

How do you know if your marriage is fixable? How can you be certain that things will change this time around?

My husband and I have had many conversations about being unhappy and other problems/issues in our family/relationship. 
We talk, everything gets swept under the rug and we pretend everything is okay for a little while.

Just recently I just could not cope with it anymore. The lack of communication, the lack of passion, the lack of everything that in my opinion makes a successful marriage is lost. 

We've been having many conversations in the last few days about our feelings, many tears shed, but I haven't found clarity in what I want. 

I want to be positive and believe that we can mend things and not break our family apart, but at the same thing, based on years of unsuccessfully resolving our issues, I'm not sure that anything will change. 
I don't want to be one of those couples that stays together for the kids. I often feel we aren't providing our children with a good image of what love should be. Our children don't see us hug or kiss, or hear mommy and daddy say "i love you'. It is sad, ain't it?

We have a child with behavioral issues and severe speech delays. We spent the last 5-6 years or so investing so much time and energy into providing him with all essential resources he needs to life a happy and successful like as an adult. In that time, that's when I feel my husband and I lost ourselves. As a couple and individuals. 
We argue a lot, sometimes over petty things. We let our children dictate our moods, and take it out on each other. I don't feel we respect each other. We can go days without talking and more often than none it doesn't bother us. 

I'm not looking to find all the answers here, but hoping it'll clear some things up for me. I would appreciate any advice or discussion.

Thank you


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

You and hubby need to get into some MARITAL COUNSELING immediately if you really want to work on your marriage.

So far, your criticisms do NOT seem to be about unfixable things (unless you're rug-sweeping AFFAIRS). Just generally poor communication and feeling disconnected.

If you cannot afford MC or cannot afford it at this time, then you should start reading books WITH YOUR HUSBAND. One of you ALONE is NOT going to fix this marriage.

You should EACH read The Five Love Languages and discuss what each of your 'languages' is so you can start USING that knowledge to feel more connected and more appreciated.

You should read books on communicating better and fighting 'fairly'.
If you poke around on the threads here, you should find other books that would be helpful. Many libraries carry these books for FREE.


----------

