# Observation: Leave a gap



## HusbandInPain (Nov 8, 2011)

Something I learned in the Army a few years back has found itself to be useful in the last few days. 

When you want to gain an advantage, you channel your enemy rather than blocking their every movement. If you block everything, they will find a new way to attack or travel, one that perhaps you have not prepared for or defended against. so you *leave a gap*. A way for them to move their forces, or a way for them to attack you. This makes it more likely they will use this method, and you can thus prepare more effectively. 

So how does this relate to infidelity.

Let's say you are seeking confirmation of no contact. In this day and age, technology is very clever. My wife has two android phones that she has allowed me access to. Obviously she can delete the call and SMB log. I have installed an APP, and told her, that blocks her from calling or texting this guy on his mobile phone, work and home phones, and vice versa. I have done this to help remove temptation. . However, I have also told her that if she really wants to continue contact then I know that he can get another phone, and I will not have a clue because she can still delete the call log. So *there's a gap.* 

Which I have allowed, but covered with the stealth call logger installed on both phones. 

This will log every call and SMS regardless of whether it has been deleted from the phone. I have not told her about this functionality. This covers me if he gets an affair phone, because I will see obvious patterns in the calls and will then be able to investigate further. This covers me nicely if he gets another phone or they start talking with him at another location which is not barred.

Which leads me to something else I learned in the army. Trust nothing. 

As the days go past I become more cynical about the whole thing. I'm happy to let her try and resist calling him, but frankly at this point she has displayed nothing but weakness of character, so I'm not going to trust her one bit. I'd like to think the technology will prove her to be true, but if it doesn't then it will give me the final nail in the coffin and convince me she just isn't worth fighting for or wasting my life over.

The lesson - control the situation by allowing gaps in the defences, and give your WS room to develop trust but take steps to protect yourself in case they are just not up to the job.

The final thing I have learned in the last few days. People in the fog are stupid, real dumb-ass stupid. My wife knows I used to earn a living tracking down people and information yet she still seems to think that simple tricks like deleting your call history will throw me off the scent. IT's gone beyond insulting and is almost amusing, if it weren't so pitiful.

Why am I doing this after recent hopeful posts - my guts are telling me something is wrong.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I'm on with the same kind of thing now, but Shhhhhhhh

It's a secret

Good point though


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Thankfully, my cheating exwife decided to run away and file divorce for me. I didnt have to spend a lot of time with technologies. But extracting her data from the iphone backups was telling enough for me.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Kind of like game theory. But your wife is playing a version of the prisoners dilemma. Abstaining from the EA is the best decision, but the psychological gains from the thrill of the EA may sway her decision. Then it becomes a lose lose scenario even though the perceived gains are there, even if it's just an illusion. 

When do you choose not to battle anymore? Sometimes being super vigilant and distrustful expends more resources than its worth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Oh boy I didn't need any undercover tech since my ex flaunted the relationship, texting, calls, email etc... in our house, in front of me and still lied about it.

You know why he did all of this : PRIDE Now I understand why it tops the list of the seven deadlies. His pride led to the dissolution of our marriage. What kind of reason is that? 

However, slowly, surely closure is coming.

Good luck with your journey, it may sound 007ish but it is not a thriller movie that you can leave the theater when it's over but real life.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Why not capture video and sound of you and your wife having passionate sex and send it to the OM? If he's a possessive son of a b*tch, this action will be like a kick in the nuts to him.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Trust your gut.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Well my H said he deleted "her" number from his phone, yet he still has her last text still on his phone ( which includes phone #).

And while he was napping, I went through his truck and briefcase, which in the back of his clipboard ( trip logs),,I found where he has written her # beside something work related to throw me off if I'd look? (duh).

So my question is should I delete the messages for him and go out with magic marker and mark out her number so he doesn't have them,,, or should I leave them to "leave a gap" ?


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