# Wife is sexual, but doesn't seem to want sex



## AnonymousMan (Apr 9, 2011)

I am a little confused and looking for a little advice. My wife and I have been together for around 15 years. When we first met, like anyone we had pretty frequent sex, multiple times a day, sometimes, but probably average was 4-5 times a week after maybe the first 6 months, and that seemed to be a good amount for both of us. Honestly, I am really not even an everyday guy, probably an every other day and I am good, after that I start getting irritable 

Over the years, there have been some spells here and there, and at one point, I believe we had not had sex for over a month, but this was also during a really hard time in my wifes life, so I understood,and things went back pretty much to normal. During my wifes pregnancies, we also had a pretty good sex life, but after the second child, she was not able to get the weight off, while she certainly lost a good bit of weight, she still has never been happy with her body since then.

That said, I still find her very attractive, and super sexy. Over the past couple of years, she has experienced quite a few issues from emotional to physical related mostly to childbirth, and started frequently rejecting me when I would initiate. Then after completely just leaving it alone, and figuring she would initiate when she was ready, I got blasted for never initiating. The thing is, I was shut down so many times, I lot all confidence, and am not interested in feeling like I am forcing someone into sex. I then tried to get up my courage one time, and felt I was getting mixed signals, tried to initiate sex, and she got really mad at me, and said not now (this was really a killer for me, and made me quite mad at her, and sick of the games).

Over the past year, things have been really strange and sometimes awkward for me. There will be times that we have really great sex, but most of it is me wanting sex, but lacking the courage to initiate for fear of rejection, and then trying to ease into the initiation, but receiving no reciprocation. What makes it stranger is she will do something sexual to me during the day, such as grab me or play grind on me, but then when it comes to later in the evening, it is the same old ****. Basically she has just become a huge tease, and it drives me nuts.

So has anyone ever experienced this, or have any idea of what is going on.

I have never cheated on my wife and don't plan to, but I am tired of living this way. I don't really want to spend the remaining years of my life when I can actually have sex without blue pills to be wasted being teased or rejected. At this point, if this doesn't get straightened out, I want a divorce or an open marriage. The sad thing is, pretty much everything else in our marriage and family life is great.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

AnonymousMan said:


> I have never cheated on my wife and don't plan to, but I am tired of living this way. I don't really want to spend the remaining years of my life when I can actually have sex without blue pills to be wasted being teased or rejected. At this point, if this doesn't get straightened out, I want a divorce or an open marriage. The sad thing is, pretty much everything else in our marriage and family life is great.


Are you serious about it? If so, have you told her this? If you've told her, does she understand that you're serious?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Don't fear the blue pill.....

You two need to get into good therapy. You might try some book DIY therapy, like Passionate Marriage, Getting the Love You Want, Between the Sheets, etc.

Sawney though is right, you need to tell her in no uncertain terms that the situation is not acceptable as is.

I can relate to your issues with rejection. I'm still struggling with it. One thing that helps is using the mantra "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway".


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## danjensv (Nov 1, 2011)

You know, kids, work, and home all cause stress and sometimes that effects people's sex drives. maybe she's self conscience about appearance or feels like now that she is a mom she needs to act differently. You need to talk with her and both of you need to be honest about you're feelings. Maybe a therapist could help.

If one or both of you can't open up and talk about it honestly, maybe things are worse than you let on. Communication is the key. It's likely you and your wife will hear things that you don't like, but if you don't express what you're both feeling, the negative feeling will just get worse. Good Luck!


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