# My husband wants to divorce me.urgent!



## Sana007

Hi,
I need an urgent advice.

My husband and I were married according to religious law and not civil as my husband never wanted to get married according to civil law, and according to my religion, if my husband want divorce me ,he has to give me a 3month before he pronounce the divorce it is in case if I am pregnant or if he wants to reconcile with me.
But my husband has decided to divorce me and that his final decision and I was given 3 month, before he send me a letter for the divorce. I really don’t know what to do because we were madly in love since 2009 and we got married in 2013.Since two weeks ago, my husband has decided to give me divorce, and he said that is fed up with me and he does not love me anymore.
We have got lot of problems because of his family since we got married as his family does not like me and they interfered a lot in our lives. And they like my elder brother in law ‘wife rather than me, as she is from France and she is fair complexion, as I am middle complexion. Since my wedding, they have showed that difference. 
But still I have try to maintain the family relationship with during those years,my husband is really attached to his family and he does not like when I complain about them and above all his mother as he really love his mother. He get really angry when I complained about them and he tried to make me see things according to his view,that his family likes me and it is me who is always negative about them,etc.He does not support me at all when I tried to explain to him about how unfair they behave toward me.
We were living at his family place when we got married but then we have left the place becoz I was getting too much fight with them.His mother was really sad and cried because my husband was her favorite child,she has even called my elder brother in law and told him everything.and we have bought a house for us,but my husband always wanted to return to live nearby his family and near his work.I have buy a land near his work so that he could build his house, but last year when my husband has sold the house and his dad has proposed him to buy his house,and my husband has even agree and he wanted his parents to live in a house in our yard.He has even told his dad that I will be giving half of my money to buy the house,I was not aware that he told his dad about that,but even I have agree to help him,but in condition he has to marry me to civil law.
He said that he agreed on paper we will be both have the property of the house .I have agree.

But in the beginning of this year we have got a fight becoz when I told him that I wanted him to put a separation in the yard near his parents house so we don’t get a fight, he did not agree, he finaly taken the decision that he will purchase the house himself without my help.
We have also got a fight over his nephew of 5 years old, as the kid tend to follow my husband every time we go out with his family, as if my husband is his father now. he has to carry him, make him swim at the sea,etc.I was really angry as I wanted some limits and privacy with my husband as we are couple and we don`t have kids(my husband did not want baby and I have a some complications about getting pregnant, I have to do an operation if I wanted to get pregnant).But my husband was angry when I told him about his nephew ,the first time he even made me cry and he has taken this kid with us despite I told him not to do that and the second time we got a fight over the same topic he became violent, he has even beaten once becoz of that and since that day he has changed a bit, he was showing less of interest in our married life and less love toward me. he acted as if all is normal, and that I did not really notice that he was not really interested in this marriage. We ever have healthy sex together but I don’t understand why he has hidden this feeling if he was not in love with me anymore.
I agree that I have also my part of fault, like I have hurt him with words and maybe with his family stuff also. But I have always done my best to maintain this relationship no matter what, but he does not seem to find me good anymore or everything that I do for him.
It is recently when my birthday party was finished, I told him that his mother has not even call me to wish me, but for her birthday I did call her to wish her every year and I have even cook for her birthday.
He was angry about it becoz he has shouted at me ,telling me that I have spoil his mood and when I got home I have thrown away a gift which his mother has given me for an occasion,he became mad at me.And he said that his mother was sick but went to buy this gift for me,and that I can’t appreciate her effort. I think at night that made him cry. And when I went to his family house 3 days later,I told his mom that she did not wish me and I don’t want to talk to her and that she is unfair toward me,this has made him really angry again but I have apology to his mum the same day, his mother said that she has forgive me.But she taken my words, 1day later she has fallen sick and her blood pressure has raised due to stress and she said it all becoz of me.
Since that day my husband said that he is fed up with me and he left me at my mom place and later he said he wants to divorce.His family and friends has tried to talk to him but he does not want to listen to anyone. I have put a photo of us on facebook ,he told me to remove it as it embarrassed him, He has even removed me from his facebook .My sister was still on his friend list,she show me photo of him, doing activities like going to do quad bike,on speedboat,etc and having fun with his cousin who just came from abroad on holiday as if that break up did not affected him at all.He has even written that he is free as a bird from cage and posting lot of his selfies .he did not like to do selfies when he was with me.
I have even called him and cry and beg him not to do that but he said that he is not happy with me.He told me to take my stuff away from his place, I went to his place last Friday to take my stuffs,and I have tried to persuade him again and cry but he said that he is fed up with me and if I really love him then I should let him go.I told him that I will change and will accept his family but he told me that I will never change and that it is too late now and also becoz am too materialistic which I know he is wrong on that as I have always supported him even in his bad time,I did not care about money and I was about to help to buy his dad house,how could he say that?also he said when I do something, I always complain about it later,this is not true also.He told me that I should take this as a lesson of life and us as memory and that I should move on.I have cry and beg him,I have tried to hug him when I cried but he did not touch me,and he told me that the situation is becoming weird and that I should leave before he change his mood, he became a bit aggressive, then I have given him a love letter before I left but seem it did nothing to him if he has read it.
I still have some stuff at his place and he told me that he will bring them, but he has not brought them yet.
I still love him a lot but I don`t` know what should I do. Am so depress and shock by this sudden decision of his.I can`t even imagine my life without him, as since 2009 we were together and was so in love,now I am left with a heart broken and his memory, I don`t understand how he could live his life as if nothing happened as if he never have feeling for me.


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## KillerClown

Few questions to start.

a) Where are you?
b) Do you have family nearby?
c) How old are you and your husband?


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## stormylove

Was there a question in there...? I'm a little confused about the purpose of your post.


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## aine

You sound like you are living in a non-Western country or are non-Western and live in a culture where women do not have many rights and their husband can announce divorce very easily.

I would take him at his word, and assume you must move on. I don't know what impact this will have on your future, as divorced women in your culture may be a problem. It sounds like you married the family instead of just the man, very common in these cultures, he also sounds like a mama's boy who will always put the mother first. I am married to a similar man (cross cultural marriage) but he grew up eventually.

Yours sounds like he doesn't care and it does sound like you complained alot about his family (no man wants to hear that) about him not spending time with you (usual issue).
Is there a difference in how you both were educated? Are you working? Can you get a job and do your own thing. Get your stuff, do the 180 on him, no contact at all, and ask for the divorce to be processed as soon as possible. 

Begging, crying, pleading are the worst things you could do.

Your MIL, getting sick with the stress, etc, do not take that on your shoulders, so typical of these women, they watch too many hindi/arabic movies and play the 'oh woe is me' card.

Your MIL is not a supporter of your marriage. YOU sound young, this actually might be the best thing that has happened to you, neither you nor your H sound like you are ready for marriage.


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## MJJEAN

You aren't legally married, he divorced you according to the customs you recognize, so it appears your relationship is officially over. All you can do now is let him go, take care of yourself, and live your life.


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## EleGirl

This thread is a year old. I don't think the OP is coming back.


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