# Will he ever be able to love me the same?



## srpcbp (May 2, 2011)

My husband and I have been married almost 9 months and we are pregnant with our first child. We were friends for years before we got together, and he loved me beyond anything imaginable. It took me a long time to get over my young stupidity, and finally, I realized he was the one. Before we made anything official, I was sleeping with him and other guys. I actually had a boyfriend at the time. I stopped seeing everyone else, and waited a couple weeks, then asked him if we could make it official. After we got together, I lied to him alot about my past. Many many times, and I hurt him very deeply. He didn't know about the other guys, and he did not know about alot of other things I had done. Still, we worked through it. I tried to leave several times, but he would not let me. He fought for me. I finally came clean about everything and despite all of that, he loved me enough to still want to marry me. Now that we are married, we cannot seem to bond like we used to. We used to be able to talk for hours, now we cannot seem to hold a single conversation. I am afraid to talk to him anymore about anything. We lost our friendship. We have our good times and we get along for the most part, but I feel like roommates now. I love him so much, and he has never told me that he does not love me anymore, but he has told me that he is unhappy and does not like to hang out with me anymore. He doesn't have any interest in having sex with me and he said something about a divorce. Whenever I asked him if that is what he really wanted, he said, "I really don't know." I have tried to talk to him about this and he doesn't want to talk about it. He admits he still has a lot of resentment towards me, and I understand that. He is convinced it isn't getting any better, but I don't believe that. I don't want to give up, but I am afraid he already has. He is one of those men who will stick around because we have a child together no matter how miserable he is. As much as I don't want that, I want him to be happy. I am dealing with a lot of personal issues at the same time, as well as is he. He is unhappy with himself and so am I. I feel boring and uninteresting, and he is not the only one I cannot carry on a conversation with. I can't with anyone. I have prayed until I am screaming, I have cried until I get sick, and I keep trying to make him love me like he used to, but I just seem to make it worse. I try to look good for him, despite my 9 month pregnant stomach, and I try to be interesting. I try to make him laugh and I try to stay gone so that maybe he will miss me. I try so hard not to mess up or say the wrong thing. I try to keep all my emotions to myself so he won't have to deal with any of them. I even try to talk to him about what he is going through or something that I would talk to a friend about (he is my only friend), but he either doesn't want to talk to me because he knows whatever he has to say will hurt my feelings, or he is bored before I start the conversation. We used to be perfect, and then i screwed it all up by lying. But now that I have changed and am a different person where my past is concerned, he hates me. (he did say today that he hates me less). Just when I think it is getting better, when we are having fun and laughing and joking and playing around or even talking, everything blows up and goes to crap. Will it ever get better? He is the love of my life. Do I let him go? Or do I keep fighting a battle I don't feel like I could ever win?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What is it that you lied to him about. Please explain further.


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## Lonesomedove (Apr 25, 2011)

Im in same boat except my husband doesnt ask for divorce he says he wants me and only me but he is so distant. Men have trouble showing how they feel. You might need to seek marriage counsling. You could also try sitting down and talking with no interuptions and tell him how you feel and that you love him and if you are to try and work on your marriage you both need to leave the past in the past and work on the now and future. You both have to tell each other what you both want and try and compromise a way you both can be happy again. Hope it all works out for you.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You have to start from the very begining, not where you left off before revaeling your deceptions. 

You said you had a good relationship but that's not true. He was not relating to you but to the person he thought you were. 

Now you have to see if he can love the real you. He may or may not. Stop asking him how he feels I think you can guess how devestated he must feel. Start now to treat him with the respect and regard that he deserves. Give with no expectation of return he deserves at lest that. 

Read books about relationships and te inner lives of men. Read some of the post here from men. It may give you an idea of what he is enduring. Don't ask him. Men don't act and think they way women do they feel just as deeply though. Give him space, but treat him very well, don't be a source of stress by crowding him and asking about his feelings.

He should not have to reassure you. By your daily consistent behavior, you may win his love. It will be on his time not yours. 

You deceived him for many years, you can not expect him to turn around on a dime. This is a new relationship for him. He does not really know you so your past relationship is null because it was built on lies. So you are starting over. 

Be good to this man, calm your fears since you created them, and make his life as good as can be.


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