# Hates vagina, cannot see naked, must have sex in the dark



## forevermemorable (Oct 19, 2012)

I have a friend who recently went through a divorce and my friend has opened up with me about how his sex life was with his wife. She had been married once before and he was a virgin when they got married. Unfortunately, they both met through me, but I assure you, I did not hook them up, nor wanted them to.

Anyways, sex was once a month for him...on her terms...you know, during the time just before her period starts when most women are highly sexual. My friend could NEVER see her naked! Never in the shower, never undressing! He could NEVER see her vagina either! He said in his 6 years of marriage, he saw her vagina twice! On one occasion, he asked her nicely if he could see her vagina and his wife just pulled down her pants and said, "There, take a look." She said it with such disdain. Sex ALWAYS had to be in the dark and she changed in the bathroom and always had a nighty on and would get into bed.

Now the sex part. She would get there really quick, as well as my friend, but the entire process was about rules and regulations. He had to lay in bed as still as a statue. Any sudden movements and she would get upset. He could NEVER fondle her breasts, lick her, touch her in any sexual way, other than "her" getting off on his male anatomy. She ALWAYS had to be on top and it was ALWAYS the same way and the same rules and regulations. He could NEVER make any noises too! The only thing that sounds uncharacteristic of her is, if she got there first, she would always make sure he got there as well.

This started from day one on the honeymoon. Of course, since they did not have sex before marriage, nor communicated with each other about preferences, rules, and regulations, he had no idea what he was getting himself into. Believe you me, I want after my friend and begged him not to get marry to this gal. Live and learn I guess.

Never the less, I have tried researching date online about all of these issues this lady has. I have heard some of them before, but as many as my friend describes sounds unreal. What is the psychological issue she is having? My friend and I are pretty sure she has never been raped or molested before. Her first marriage ended by her leaving him and the same goes for my friend. She just got sick of not having everything the way she wanted it. Yes, she is a very very selfish individual, but these sexual hang ups have got to be something very psychological. Does anyone have a glue?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Send your friend here.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

She definitely has a control issue, a severe one at that. Most of the time that comes from some kind of abuse where the person had no control over what was happening to them. Her reaction of putting so much control in the situation sounds like longer-term abuse, the not wanting to be touched and being in control of the sexual scenerios could be caused by some kind of sexual abuse as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I do not know if there are any doctors here but it is not unheard of behavior. Both men and women can do those types of things to different degrees. I would not know what the actual medical term for that would be.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Believe me it is real. My situation isn't this bad, but still pretty bad.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

forevermemorable said:


> My friend and I are pretty sure she has never been raped or molested before.


Base on what? Her behavior is very consistent with a survivor of sexual abuse. Is it because she said it never happened? Some survivors would rather die than ever consciously experience those thoughts again. Instead they try to suppress their memories and the damage from the trauma manifests itself in other ways.

In any case, they are divorced now, right? Not his fight anymore. It is up to her to seek help for her issues and no one else (particularly an ex-husband) is going to get her to do that.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

The fact that she MUST ALWAYS be both on TOP and in CONTROL of the sex indicates that there was a time when she was neither on top nor in control.

Sounds like a survivor of sexual abuse. Doesn't really matter. Your friend is OUT of the situation and unless she CHOOSES to deal with her problems, her life will never change. He needs to read up on what HIS problems are (we ALL have them) so he can have a healthier relationship next time AND not drag baggage from this bad sexual relationship into his future relationships!

Good luck to both of them.

.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It's almost enough to file for an annulment, but the timeline has well probably expired, at least in most jurisdictions.

However, he has a spectacular case for divorce under mental/physical cruelty! This gal has some rather serious issues that needs serious attention, and I mean yesterday!*


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It really does sound like she has a history of abuse.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

forevermemorable said:


> Yes, she is a very very selfish individual, but these sexual hang ups have got to be something very psychological. Does anyone have a [c]lue?


Besides the other suggestions here, I wouldn't rule out the possibility that she simply isn't heterosexual, and is in deep denial about it.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

The few times my ex and I had sex during the last three years of our twenty year marriage were very similar to this. I later found out that she probably was sore from being with all the guys she was humping while I was at work.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

^^^^^^^^
Funny lol 

We all have hangups........I don't like seeing my wife naked not because I'm disgusted I just don't I feel guilty always have. Panties and a bra? Nighty? Just a shirt? Definitely oh so hot, but butt naked not my thing.

Then again I can't go to breastaurants either like Hootes, Twin Peaks, Strip Clubs and never could go even when I was single.......I feel guilty like it's wrong.

Yet I could cheat, so go figure. Obviously I have a hang up best of luck to your friends


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

What a miserable existence. Why would any man put up with that? It's crazy what people go through.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> ^^^^^^^^
> Funny lol
> 
> We all have hangups........I don't like seeing my wife naked not because I'm disgusted I just don't I feel guilty always have. Panties and a bra? Nighty? Just a shirt? Definitely oh so hot, but butt naked not my thing.
> ...


*Now be sure to add the "Tilted Kilt" and "Brickhouse" in there! You don't exactly need those folks getting mad at you for not getting equal time!
*


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

forevermemorable said:


> I have a friend who recently went through a divorce and my friend has opened up with me about how his sex life was with his wife. She had been married once before and he was a virgin when they got married. Unfortunately, they both met through me, but I assure you, I did not hook them up, nor wanted them to.
> 
> Anyways, sex was once a month for him...on her terms...you know, during the time just before her period starts when most women are highly sexual. My friend could NEVER see her naked! Never in the shower, never undressing! He could NEVER see her vagina either! He said in his 6 years of marriage, he saw her vagina twice! On one occasion, he asked her nicely if he could see her vagina and his wife just pulled down her pants and said, "There, take a look." She said it with such disdain. Sex ALWAYS had to be in the dark and she changed in the bathroom and always had a nighty on and would get into bed.
> 
> ...



Wow, Déjà vu!!!

This was my wifee for 14 years of marriage, SERIOUSLY, LITERALLY.

What changed for her, was finally starting to count and know her daily caloric needs. I had us take the 5 love languages quiz together, we compared and posted the results on the fridge. She has now lost 22 lbs in 9 weeks or so and is going back to the gym this month, actually initiates sex, even while I'm asleep, we had sex 2x in one day for the first time, she bought a sexy pair of panties for the first time and she no longer pushes me away when I kiss her neck and breasts. Going down on her, she is still insecure until more weight comes off. Her weight made her very insecure and that was key. My wifee is not selfish and a very caring and giving woman though.

But its too close to what my situation was over the last 14 years. wow.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Wow, Déjà vu!!!
> 
> This was my wifee for 14 years of marriage, SERIOUSLY, LITERALLY.
> 
> ...


She's feeling good about herself. Keep that going.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

forevermemorable said:


> Never the less, I have tried researching date online about all of these issues this lady has. I have heard some of them before, but as many as my friend describes sounds unreal. What is the psychological issue she is having? My friend and I are pretty sure she has never been raped or molested before. Her first marriage ended by her leaving him and the same goes for my friend. She just got sick of not having everything the way she wanted it. Yes, she is a very very selfish individual, but these sexual hang ups have got to be something very psychological. Does anyone have a glue?


Sounds familiar. 

Women can develop an oversensitivity to 'down there' and they'll even use the term 'down there' as if it's some shameful secret aha that reminds me, this might show you how entrenched 'vagina shame' can be - in Polish, 

'Srom' means both 'Vulva' and 'Disgrace'.

For an individual it's always got a psychological component, but it may have originated with bladder weakness, or an overactive bladder, or 'fishyness' generally, from there it morphs into self-loathing, long after the physical problem has gone.

One thing's certain there will be a cause, it's not random.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I'd bet child sex abuse. All of the behaviors are consistent with it. I don't think rape, though I don't know a whole lot about it to be honest.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Childhood sexual abuse is the most often supposition I have to knock down when I discuss my wife's tastes at length, although I've been assured by her that no such thing happened.

I have to wonder if conventional wisdom on this topic is as accurate as everyone seems to think.


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