# This Just Stinks



## TroubledNights (Dec 24, 2015)

I am having a rough day. Actually I should say that I am having a rough 24 hours, since it is almost 3 a.m. and I can't sleep. I have been sleeping much better after my STBX husband started sleeping on the couch and then left the home to be hospitalized (psych hospital). 

My heart is so shattered. There have been times the past five hours where I could have sworn I was going to burst a blood vessel, I was crying so hard. 

I know it has only been ten days since I discovered just how broken my marriage was, and how deeply he betrayed me. But I did think that at least finally doing something would bring me some relief. But that isn't the case. I almost wish I had stayed ignorant and in denial myself. 

I reached out to a counselor I went to 7 or 8 years ago, although she won't be back in her office until next week. And I am doing the attorney "thing" this week. But none of that brings me any solace.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

I am really sorry that you are going through all of this. Betrayal is something that can tear at your heart and it can also show the true colors in a person. I hope the counselor helps you cope with all of these emotions and that your soon to be ex husband gets the help he needs in the psych hospital. It will take a while to start to feel better and to move on from all of this, but take it one day at a time and move slowly. It is okay to feel upset and cry and to be angry, so let all of those emotions out if you need to. There are lots of good places and resources online as well that can help you cope with this.


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

So sorry at what you have been put through. The only good new seems to be that the future can be better. 

I have no change to suggest. You are doing all that you need already. Keeping talking to your son, he needs you.

Don't expect the attorney will be solace, but they can help protect your future. The counselor should help you rebuild and strengthen yourself and that may be some solace.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I'm so sorry. So many of us have been exactly where you are. Your post takes me back to a year ago in my own life. It's a mountain you have to climb as much as it hurts and takes your very breath away right now. The valley on the other side is so much more happy and peaceful if you can just hang on through the pain.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

I'm glad you're reaching out to your counselor. The first thing I did when I learned of h's infidelity was to make an appointment with a counselor. Also glad you're planning to see a lawyer. That was one thing it took me a long time to do. 

And I'm sorry all this broke loose at the holidays. When people are cheating and deceptive, the holidays put great pressure on them and often confessions or deliberate slips in order to get caught emerge around those times, and then they become triggers for many years after. 

You can't control the flood of emotions. Just go with it. After h confessed, I was doing well to get 2-4 hours of sleep at night for weeks, but I was able to get to work and just be there and get SOME work done. You'll feel like a zombie for a while, perhaps, but seeing your counselor and seeing a lawyer can help you feel more empowered and less as if your life is out of control. It's your h who is out of control, but the trickle-down of the fallout may affect you for a while. 

Hang in and keep us posted.


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## TroubledNights (Dec 24, 2015)

As an update: I started sleeping much better and felt like I was turning one of those corners, where I was at least recognizing how much better life was in some ways without my STBX. And I was acknowledging that I had been very, very unhappy for a while. Unhappy enough to have been looking at apartments last summer and fall.

I was not comfortable communicating face to face with my STBX. But we had started texting and it really helped me to start to process what had happened. We were not talking reconciliation at all, but we were being honest about who we have both been feeling for the past 9 months or so.

Then yesterday he dropped a bombshell on me. He had been doing drugs for the past 8 months. He had had a huge drug problem in his 20's and he went to rehab and had been clean for a long time, almost 25 years.

So he tells me that he wants to be completely honest and let me know that he has been doing meth for months. And getting from and using it with a man who had been a neighbor about 14 years ago. My STBX became friends with him based on their shared love of cooking and food. The fact that this guy was gay and always making "jokes" about getting into my STBXs pants was funny, right up until my STBX told me yesterday that the guy was giving my STBX drugs in order to have sex with him. 

My STBX swears that there was never any sexual contact, just the promise of it and that he was using that promise to get the drugs. I know my STBX: if he were high on meth he would never turn down a blow job. He swore that he had no idea how those naked pictures of me were taken or put on the computer, too, and look how hard he was lying about that.

This doesn't knock me back down to square one emotionally, but it does grip my broken heart and squeeze it even harder. What the heck is wrong with people? Why can't they just live an honest life and not drag people who love them through cess pits.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

TroubledNights said:


> As an update: I started sleeping much better and felt like I was turning one of those corners, where I was at least recognizing how much better life was in some ways without my STBX. And I was acknowledging that I had been very, very unhappy for a while. Unhappy enough to have been looking at apartments last summer and fall.
> 
> I was not comfortable communicating face to face with my STBX. But we had started texting and it really helped me to start to process what had happened. We were not talking reconciliation at all, but we were being honest about who we have both been feeling for the past 9 months or so.
> 
> ...


UGH! That's not pretty at all. It's amazing how something can hit you so hard when you lease expect it.

My husband was sober for 12 years and I naively thought "he's got this." What a mistake. 

3 years married and 2 relapses. We are separated after a horrible relapse/escorts while on vacation. Divorce has been filed.

We have to find our peace regardless of the situation. It's awful. It's not what we signed up for. What else is there to do?

Sorry.


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