# Devastated



## Shazzy71 (Oct 7, 2017)

Hi all
I'm not one for airing my problem but I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do. Ive been with my husband for 17years and we have 2 children, he takes sertraline for depression and has been told he may have pts although that's not been diagnosed. We have a normal family life but every now and then he flies off the handle for the smallest things. Anyway on Monday early evening he just disappeared saying he was going for a smoke and that was that, he didn't take his phone so when he didn't return I had the police involved as I thought he had gone missing, he was found the next day at his sister's house (who we don't speak to ). He came home in a foul mood packed some belongings and said he was leaving us. I was taken by complete surprise, he went from saying his head was messed up and needed time, I've been probably texting him too much reassuring him how much we all love him to try and get him to come home so I can talk to him or get him to the doctors, but he just keeps saying he's not ready. Then this morning he txt me saying he doesn't love me anymore but has feelings for me still. This is a complete bolt out of the blue, I've been left feeling like I've been hit with a truck, and to be honest if it wasn't for my kids I'd want to die. I'm just posting my dirty laundry on here as I'm completely lost and wanted to see what other people make of this, he tells me everyday usually that he loves me. Is this now the end or is he having some sort of breakdown. I don't know whether I should try to lay off texting him reassuring how much we love him or leave him to dwell. I don't want him thinking I don't care I'm desperate to save my marriage but am I making things worse. I feel so degraded telling strangers this but that's how heartbroken I am😢😢😢. Thankyou


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This is a powerful drug. Also called Zoloft. Many do not have serious side effects using this.

One of the side effects is decreased sexual ability.

Did the medicine make him better or worse?

If worse, he needs to change the dose or the med. His doctor needs to monitor him.

Hard to do now that he has flown the coop.

Sorry for your pain.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

The wrong anti depressant can have the reverse affect and make people more depressed....just something to keep in mind.

That said....you can’t help him deal with that or even persuade him to go back to the doctor if he is not willing.

All you can do right now is take care of yourself and your children. Stop texting him constantly. Once every couple of days to ask if he is ok and you are thinking about him. 

As hard as it sounds because you are so devastated, do something for yourself. If your children are young, get a sitter and meet a friend for coffee, go for a walk in the park, go to the gym....anything to keep your mind busy and not consumed by what is happening in your marriage.

Give him some time and space to work things out for himself. It maybe days or weeks, prepare yourself for that....but do t grovel and beg him to come home, he won’t respect you for it. Occasional texts or phone call will be enough to let him know ow you care...

The thing that would give me some food for thought, would be the fact he was telling you he loved you everyday up until the time he left....yet now has rescinded that very quickly.

It’s ok for people to need some space if they have something on their mind and need to clear their head.....but to take off out of the blue would be alarming, and would be indicative of his depression or wrong meds playing a part in this. If you think back....maybe there are other warning signs you missed. Depression is sometimes a co-morbid condition accompanying a personality disorder. Has he always been depressed??
What was your marriage like before depression struck him??

Sorry you are dealing with this....being blindsided must hurt like hell


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

If your husband has been told he has PTSD....has he received any help to deal with this. This is a hard thing to deal with....what was the cause of his PTSD.....has he lived with this all through your marriage??

Has his depression worsened lately for any reason??


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