# do all EAs go to PAs?



## DasAstro (Jun 16, 2011)

Wife is\was in a EA. I know they have hung out together. The om is local swears never did anything physical. The guy is same age as us her childhood friend. Wife is not remorseful a lot of gas lighting. I guess I want to know how many people have had there EA turn PA. Did the ws ever admit it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

No, but there is a damb good chance that it will.

Yes, every on of my wifes EA went PA.

Yes, she admitted her EA and her ONS, those were even EA's. The point is there has to be some emotion, an attraction to go to a hotel and have sex.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Friendly, helpful, cry on shoulder, talk to me about your troubles talk, become EA----heart gets involved----soon they are in heated passion, as you once were in the beginning of your mge---hence the PA

If there is an EA, going on---stop it now---force her to go NC, and have some strong consequences if she refuses, otherwise your life which is probably already miserable will become a lot worse----like kindergarten, compared to college.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No, they don't all go PA. But like they say, "It's a slippery slope." Mine did go PA, also a childhood friend. If she's still having an affair you need to cut her off now. The longer you show her you have no boundaries the worse off you will be. If he is in a relationship, out him to his partner asap. Do so without giving warning to your wife or him so they don't have time to corroborate their stories.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

my H is all about PA's. Sex, sex, and more sex. He's an addict. His "true love" lives in town and he needs her to stroke his ego, make him feel like a man....then he's off waving his "magic wand"


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

The only comfort there is with an EA is that it may be possible to intervene and stop it from going to the next level. Accepting an EA because it is not a PA is more than foolish. It is foreplay. So how often does foreplay not end up in sex? 

If an EA is not caught soon enough, even with intervention a PA is likely to happen while the BS is trying to stop it.

So my biggest frustration with folks who discover an EA is that they want to wait. Then there are those that tell them time is on their side and to be patient. Those are usually people who are living with a spouse who has had multiple affairs over many years. Sorry for me a PA is a deal breaker so time would not be on my side. I would have no interest in waiting out a PA until they got tired of banging one another and then take them back. I am worth more than that and do not understand how a man can accept being cuckolded. There are better women out there.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

DasAstro said:


> Wife is\was in a EA. I know they have hung out together. The om is local swears never did anything physical. The guy is same age as us her childhood friend. Wife is not remorseful a lot of gas lighting. I guess I want to know how many people have had there EA turn PA. Did the ws ever admit it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


EAs can turn into PAs quickly or they can take a very long time.

The key for you is to deal with this right now as if your wife is in an EA and that it will become a PA soon. Like tomorrow. Your role is to intervene (c0ckblock) and try to prevent it from going to a PA.

She must go NC with this other guy for life or the rest of your marriage which ever comes first.

A wife hanging out with another man is a very bad idea indeed.
What exactly is hung out together? It matters. Because hanging out together even with a friend of the opposite sex is basically dating one another. Is there alcohol involved? Do they go to dinner / lunch / have coffeee together? Surely they are never alone in private together. if so you can be pretty sure there has been some physical interaction if not full blown sex.

Are they emailing / texting / facebooking together? Please tell me she is totally transparent now and you have access to her accounts and are actively monitoring them? This guy shopuld not be friended on facebook. They should not be contacting each other in any way.


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## whatonearthnow (Aug 20, 2011)

my W had an EA (which i didnt think of as an EA until now) and swore no PA - i found txts that indicated different but buried it in the hope that it would help us work

she left me yesterday


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

whatonearthnow said:


> my W had an EA (which i didnt think of as an EA until now) and swore no PA - i found txts that indicated different but buried it in the hope that it would help us work
> 
> she left me yesterday


That is the problem with EAs. They can appear so very innocent at the time. You have to know what to look for. It is like circling a black hole. All is fine, then once they get drawn in it is very hard to turn it around. In fact the person in the affair cannot really do it alone. I know. I have been there. 

If you have not been in that situation it is easy to say that the WS should love the person enough to turn it around. That is hard to answer but suffice it to say that it becomes addictive. It is chemical. Dopamine. Powerful stuff. So there is a small window when the BS can intervene. I am not saying they can reason with the WS. That is fine, but they have to do all they can to expose the affair and block contact and so on. The WS is in a fog and cannot reason. They have to go through withdrawal. I know that sounds weak and helpless .... Ok I guess it is. But that is what you have to deal with.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> That is the problem with EAs. They can appear so very innocent at the time. You have to know what to look for. It is like circling a black hole. All is fine, then once they get drawn in it is very hard to turn it around. In fact the person in the affair cannot really do it alone. I know. I have been there.
> 
> If you have not been in that situation it is easy to say that the WS should love the person enough to turn it around. That is hard to answer but suffice it to say that it becomes addictive. It is chemical. Dopamine. Powerful stuff. So there is a small window when the BS can intervene. I am not saying they can reason with the WS. That is fine, but they have to do all they can to expose the affair and block contact and so on. The WS is in a fog and cannot reason. They have to go through withdrawal. I know that sounds weak and helpless .... Ok I guess it is. But that is what you have to deal with.


I don't believe that the DS can't do it alone. In fact, if they can't do it alone, they won't succeed in ending the A. I do think it's a "high" but saying the DS can't do it alone is basically saying they aren't responsible/can't be accountable of their own choices. In my A, I ended it and axed any/all contact with the OM and told my H about the affair. Oh I was in a fog all right, I just knew what I had to do. 

I do think the WS has an obligation to tell the betrayed about what they've done. No doubt, the WS telling the betrayed about the A does help with recovery as well as keeping with no contact, IMO. But ultimately, if someone wants a repeat of the A, they will do it regardless of whether the WS is aware or not. It's up to the DS alone to ensure no more contact is made.

EAs are not "innocent."


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