# Husband posted my nudes and more...



## Kate12345 (Mar 6, 2018)

Okay. This might be a long one so hang in there...
We have been married 4 years and have an almost two years old and a two month old. 
While I was 8 months pregnant this last time I found out that my husband has kept a weird secret from me for the past almost two years. He has been going on an anonymous revenge porn site and searching my home town for what he admits started right after I had my first daughter. It gets worse... One of my Facebook friends is on there and he started jerking off to her on that site daily, and when that wasn't enough apparently he posted two pictures of me! Pictures I sent to him that were nude. He claims that he posted them in order to get more back of me... He says guys trade pictures they have of specific girls from specific towns and states. He claims he has never done more than that but I've also caught him jerking off to people I know on Facebook, just their pictures they post on FB. I wouldn't even care if he watched porn or whatever but this seems to be crossing a line. Like I actually feel cheated on and betrayed. I'm disgusted and angry and we are still together but every day is a struggle. I have bad dreams about it and can't shake it. He says he stopped but even if that's true I'm just so bitter about it. I love him, we have babies together, but this is not the kind of person I thought he was. He is great with the kids and is good about helping and so on but none of that seems to matter compared to the damage he caused by this. I feel like I can't even be friends with that girl anymore. I'm at a complete loss. He keeps asking what he can do to fix it but how am I supposed to know... I can't even believe it still. Advice? Anyone been through something like this?


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Everything you said is legit. It's awful what he did. He is your husband he is supposed to protect you. I am sorry. This is just SO wrong.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

He betrayed you. TWICE. Sending your nudes out for the world to see without your permission is a huge act of betrayal and a violation of your trust. You are supposed to feel protected and loved by him. I can see where that one would hurt. The second one is a different sort of betrayal in my opinion. These are women you know and he is bringing them into his sexual fantasy’s and beyond I suppose, since he is looking at actual images of them while pleasuring himself. This one must have hurt A LOT. So you have been betrayed, had your trust violated my the man you love and now you don’t see him the same as you used to. I think if he has admitted how wrong he was and fully committed himself to making this right then he needs to make his way to counseling. Then if you feel like you are able to forgive him the two of you should go to marriage counseling together. If he is has mostly been a good man and worthy of your love, for the time being focus on that part of him. Good men do dumb things. It’s a sad fact of nature. Look for the bright spots, but demand transparency. Make sure there are ways you can see every website and link he clicks on via his computer or phone. If he pushes back on this remind him how he betrayed you and these were the instruments with which he did this. YOU Tell HIM that’s whats going to happen going forward. YOU set the terms of your reconcialtion over this issue. He has to earn your trust back if he is ever going to have it. If he has been a good husband and father up to this point, then maybe this was just a BIG bump in the road. I know that’s a rosey outlook but hey, im just hoping for best case scenario.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I knew lady a few years back whose husband posted nude pictures of her on line that were supposed to be for him only. She also found out that he had been watching porn with their 2 small children in the room while she was out. The result was that they divorced and he was not allowed unsupervised visits with his children from then on. 

What your husband did was a complete betrayal of your trust. It believe its also now illegal where I live, at least revenge porn is. 
If you want to stay with him then there must be complete openness and transparency with all phones and computers and he must know that if anything like this happens again the marriage is over. Of course you can't know what he does when you aren't there or when he is at work. Don't ever send him any more naked pictures of yourself. 
I would also make sure that any porn is a no no, one thing often leads to another.

Yes you have been cheated on and betrayed, what he has done is awful. 
I would suggest some MC for the sake of your little ones, and make sure he knows that rebuilding trust will take years.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

This may be something he has become addicted to. He says he will do
anything to fix it. Tell him counseling, lots of counseling. You or your 
friends have done nothing wrong. Your friends may not even know 
their pictures are posted there. I know it will be hard to face your
friends but I am not sure if you should say anything to them or not.
They may get angry at you and it is not your fault.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Kate12345 said:


> Okay. This might be a long one so hang in there...
> We have been married 4 years and have an almost two years old and a two month old.
> While I was 8 months pregnant this last time I found out that my husband has kept a weird secret from me for the past almost two years. He has been going on an anonymous revenge porn site and searching my home town for what he admits started right after I had my first daughter. It gets worse... One of my Facebook friends is on there and he started jerking off to her on that site daily, and when that wasn't enough apparently he posted two pictures of me! Pictures I sent to him that were nude. He claims that he posted them in order to get more back of me... He says guys trade pictures they have of specific girls from specific towns and states. He claims he has never done more than that but I've also caught him jerking off to people I know on Facebook, just their pictures they post on FB. I wouldn't even care if he watched porn or whatever but this seems to be crossing a line. Like I actually feel cheated on and betrayed. I'm disgusted and angry and we are still together but every day is a struggle. I have bad dreams about it and can't shake it. He says he stopped but even if that's true I'm just so bitter about it. I love him, we have babies together, but this is not the kind of person I thought he was. He is great with the kids and is good about helping and so on but none of that seems to matter compared to the damage he caused by this. I feel like I can't even be friends with that girl anymore. I'm at a complete loss. He keeps asking what he can do to fix it but how am I supposed to know... I can't even believe it still. Advice? Anyone been through something like this?


Divorce.

Maybe see about pressing charges as well.


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## Kate12345 (Mar 6, 2018)

Wait. There's more... So I since threw his smart phone and broke it (sorry not sorry) and took it upon myself to buy him a flip phone. Still can access the internet but it's a lot harder. He went to ONE counseling session and is pretending now that nothing ever happened. Even telling me a few times when I brought it up that it doesn't count as cheating and minimized it. And get this... One of the girls I know actually messaged ME and said I was on there (but I already knew) and she actually got a detective to try to take the thread down... That detective emailed me and I had to basically lie about how I didn't know how it got there because I couldn't rat him out! So now I also have guilt for that and that makes it even harder to get over this. I'm so embarrassed.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Contact a lawyer, it is criminal behavior and also divorce-worthy


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Be very careful about covering for him with the police. He sounds like
he may turn around and rat you out if he is caught. You have done nothing 
but revenge porn is criminal and you do not need to be wrongfully accused
of anything. I think maybe you should put divorce on the table as an option.
If he has only gone to one counseling session and has another phone, he has
not stopped. Maybe if you start divorce proceedings this will make him 
realize you are serious. Again be careful what you say to the police


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

Oh HELL NO! You should have ratted him out and let him suffer the consequences with the law and the fallout of your relationship. That would be all on him for the betrayal and heartache and anxiety and stress that he has caused you. This would be a no-brainer for me....Divorce.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

If you want to learn more about the law, a resource to use as a start might be

Revenge Porn Laws by State - FindLaw

But I think the best legal advice is to get legal advice from a legal professional.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Revenge porn laws vary from state to state. In some states it is a felony other a fine. 
You can research your state law online. How ever if the police are investigating
and you lie to cover his sick behind that could be considered making a false 
statement to the police. It dose not sound like he is worth it. Just be careful
if they ask any more questions. Your kids need you, they probably could do 
with out him. Consider divorce?


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

Ok, so If he doesn’t want to take responsibility be transparent and reconcile, what are the consequences in your mind?


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Kate12345 said:


> He claims that he posted them in order to get more back of me... He says guys trade pictures they have of specific girls from specific towns and states.


So do you really believe he went to a revenge porn site looking for pictures of you? I hope not because he did this to you deliberately. It's a revenge porn site. He went to your home town. He wanted to take revenge on you, and he sought out people who knew you. Posting them to someplace like Facebook would be a place where lots of people knew you, but it also would mean that you would see them too. He WANTED to make sure it mattered to those who saw the pictures, as opposed to a bunch of strangers just seeing naked pictures of someone they didn't know. So he didn't find an anonymouse site to post them. He went someplace else with people to whom YOUR naked pictures mattered. He set out to deliberately make sure the woman in the naked pictures would be recognized as someone they all knew.



Kate12345 said:


> He claims he has never done more than that but I've also caught him jerking off to people I know on Facebook, just their pictures they post on FB.
> 
> I wouldn't even care if he watched porn or whatever but this seems to be crossing a line. Like I actually feel cheated on and betrayed.
> 
> He is great with the kids and is good about helping and so on but none of that seems to matter compared to the damage he caused by this. I feel like I can't even be friends with that girl anymore.


Your reaction appears to be that you feel cheated on and embarrassed. That's understandable but a byproduct of what actually happened and his intent for doing it. Your HUSBAND posted nude pictures of you on the internet. Are you ignoring that fact? Are you so wrapped up in the embarrassment and him jerking off to another woman that your brain is clouded over? I mean, I get that and all, and it's terrible, although I don't actually see where it's any different from him jerking off to pornography, penthouse, or this woman you knew back home. But again, those are byproduct and subsequent to what he deliberately did to you.

So let me say this again: YOUR HUSBAND POSTED NAKED PICTURES OF YOU ON THE INTERNET!


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## Kate12345 (Mar 6, 2018)

I've put in so many hours/days/weeks thinking about this. What to do... I realize logically I should divorce. But for some reason I still have so many feelings for him, we've even slept together since. Part of me wonders if I just have a horrible sense of self worth or if I'm in love still. Not only that but I'm scared as well, I'm a stay at home mom, like I have a two month old... I don't even know where to begin if I were to leave him. Honestly the most confusing part is the promises to be better or be "the best husband ever", I want so so badly to believe his intentions but obviously my trust is gone. Am I just bring manipulated or is he actually going to never do things like this again? Let's say I stay because he actually wants to try, what would/could help me get over something like this? I obviously can't get even, not that I have a desire to... I just don't know what could fix this really, I wish there was a solid answer.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Kate12345 said:


> Wait. There's more...
> 
> He went to ONE counseling session and is pretending now that nothing ever happened. Even telling me a few times when I brought it up that it doesn't count as cheating and minimized it.
> 
> And get this... One of the girls I know actually messaged ME and said I was on there (but I already knew) and she actually got a detective to try to take the thread down... That detective emailed me and I had to basically lie about how I didn't know how it got there because I couldn't rat him out! So now I also have guilt for that and that makes it even harder to get over this. I'm so embarrassed.


Okay. So you have let us know your husband is a scum ball.

SO WHAT ARE *YOU* GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Kate12345 said:


> ... I realize logically I should divorce.


Uh, YEAH ...



Kate12345 said:


> But for some reason I still have so many feelings for him, we've even slept together since. Part of me wonders if I just have a horrible sense of self worth or if I'm in love still.


Feelings come and go. They change on a daily basis. Put your feelings aside for the moment and look at what he has done. So he tossed you a bone by going to ONE counseling session. And now he expects to rug sweep and for you to shut up and put up. Sad. 



Kate12345 said:


> Am I just bring manipulated or is he actually going to never do things like this again? Let's say I stay because he actually wants to try, what would/could help me get over something like this?
> 
> I just don't know what could fix this really, I wish there was a solid answer.


Look at his behaviors/actions. Forget that one big counseling session he attended. Look at what he is DOING. And, yeah, you ARE being manipulated. 

How do you get over this? You begin by realizing is it not your responsibility to fix "it" (meaning HIM). The solid answers lie within you. What do you own? To begin with, your values, your ability to step back and divorce from your emotions/feelings to the best of your ability and look the situation from a detached stance.

Not easy. You need a damn good counselor who can help you process this. You might want to look at your codependent tendencies in this situation. Why? Because I can't imagine having sex with a man who would treat me like your husband has treated you.

There ARE solid answers to this, but you need to come from a position of strength, not weakness.


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## bencoll (Feb 16, 2018)

Then he doesn't respect you all. Sorry but nudes are for private only!! I hope you get through this. Hang on there.
One way to get back at him is to create a website about him. You can do that with the Hpage.com website builder which has SEO optimization meaning if anyone searches for his name online, the website will come up and his nasty deeds along with it.

Try it: Create a free website - hPage.com


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

...


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> Okay. So you have let us know your husband is a scum ball.
> 
> SO WHAT ARE *YOU* GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?


She's going to keep saying "I love him" of course.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

Have you told him if he doesn’t fully accept responsibility, go to Marriage counseling and be as transparent as you require you will divorce him? Don’t say it unless you mean it, but that may help with the decision. It’s misery to have to live between reconcile and divorce with no clear direction.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

He is a sick puppy 🐶!

Get thee hence and destroy him in criminal as well as divorce court.

You have children to protect from this pervert.

He loves you and did this?

He loves his kids too.....

Do not trust someone this deranged with your kids.

If it was just you, you could stay and suffer as much abuse and humiliation as you want.

You need to protect your kids from this unstable ass hat, dip ****, **** wad, perverted $%&*#[email protected]!!

Get serious.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

StarFires said:


> She's going to keep saying "I love him" of course.


She may very well do that. OTOH, she may realize that this isn't so much about love as it is about dependency. Shared history? Sure. But the crap he's pulled should trump that.


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## SarcasticRed (Feb 21, 2018)

O
M
G

I think it is time for him to relocate for a bit. To a friend, relative, hotel. But out of the house. Give yourself some space and time to figure out what you want to do. To me, this is divorce worthy since posting nude photos of me on the internet would be a HUGE betrayal and I don't know that I could ever get over it. it is a breach of trust and privacy. Being a good dad and/or doing his part around the house is not an excuse to treat you like #$%*. 

Are you financially dependent on him? From reading TAM, being financially dependent can make people (mainly women) stay in unhealthy relationships far longer than they would have otherwise. 

If you do want to "make it work"...lots of counseling. Individual for you both and marriage. I'd start with the individual before moving to marriage counseling.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Christ ..... This is a tough one. There is really no right or wrong answer. Of course you should be mad and upset.... but then again you have 2 kids and he "technically" didn't cheat on you. It was defiantly a betrayal however. It would be hard to trust someone who did this. Masturbating to your friends pic is worrisome too. I mean WTF is that? It's not like some random porn image on the internet of someone he doesn't know....

Well ..... IMO it's divorce worthy. If you want to go that rout, nobody would blame you. Do you have family that could help you if you left? If you decide to stay with him maybe you could move to a new town or something, kind of as a fresh start, and cut online ties while your at it. But then if you end up moving far from your family that's also a huge risk if things still don't work out.


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## yankeedime87 (Mar 6, 2018)

Tough situation no doubt.

FORGIVENESS ****KEY 

If you cannot forgive him and allow him to earn your trust back save yourselves time and split. 

Forgiveness is so crucial sometimes we don't realize resentment harbors EVERYWHERE. It sounds like you're more than willing to do this just lack the tools to be able to...

In turn, while you're working on your end he's got to be 100% truthful, patient, and dedicated to genuinely earning that spot back. Transparency for him is so important. 

It's a lot to overcome but it's manageable if you both want it. Once trust is broken it's so so hard to get it back. He may have underlying psychological issues too. We're not professionals so itd be impossible to know. 

Keep your eyes out. You have children def cause for concern. Prayers to you both. Good luck. 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

Did you ever figure out how he got the naked pictures of you? I have long suspected there is an app you can use to hijack a smart phone camera to secretly take such pictures. I suggest you cover the lens with tape until you want to use it.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> Did you ever figure out how he got the naked pictures of you? I have long suspected there is an app you can use to hijack a smart phone camera to secretly take such pictures. I suggest you cover the lens with tape until you want to use it.


 she sent them to him.


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

stro said:


> she sent them to him.


Meaning she took them of herself.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Wow. To recap other responses that's wrong in so many ways. There are no good reasons in any world to do what he's doing/done. The given is that his actions would be hurtful to you and family.


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

Kate12345 said:


> I've put in so many hours/days/weeks thinking about this. What to do... I realize logically I should divorce. But for some reason I still have so many feelings for him, we've even slept together since. Part of me wonders if I just have a horrible sense of self worth or if I'm in love still. Not only that but I'm scared as well, I'm a stay at home mom, like I have a two month old... I don't even know where to begin if I were to leave him. Honestly the most confusing part is the promises to be better or be "the best husband ever", I want so so badly to believe his intentions but obviously my trust is gone. Am I just bring manipulated or is he actually going to never do things like this again? Let's say I stay because he actually wants to try, what would/could help me get over something like this? I obviously can't get even, not that I have a desire to... I just don't know what could fix this really, I wish there was a solid answer.


If this situation were reversed for me, I'd have no idea how I'd deal with this kind of betrayal. There is sexual infidelity, financial infidelity, now apparently privacy infidelity.

Back in the day, every time I deployed, the men would start a "Hog Board". Basically, it was a display board in the living quarters where they would put up pictures that their women would send them. Nudes, lingerie, pleasuring themselves, etc. Sometimes there would even be the "pube section" where guys would display pubic hair that their women would send. I always made them take it down, but it would just go underground. I never understood this need for men to share the most intimate, private lives of their women that were meant for them only.

I *had* a small collection of photos of my XWW that were meant for me and only me, and I kept the guarded and secreted away. I took it as a gesture of "ultimate trust." I'm not sure how you get that trust back, if ever. Unlike the Hog Boards of old, the internet is forever.

I'm sure you feel violated, and my heart goes out to you.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

He did it to distract and humiliate you because he is cheating.
Sorry.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

stro said:


> Have you told him if he doesn’t fully accept responsibility, go to Marriage counseling and be as transparent as you require you will divorce him? Don’t say it unless you mean it, but that may help with the decision. It’s misery to have to live between reconcile and divorce with no clear direction.


Marriage counseling isn't going to do SQUAT for this sexual deviant.


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