# Your motivation not to have kids



## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

For child-free ladies. Just curious what is your motivation not to have kids? 

We have recently decided not to have kids. Maybe with a different man in a different situation I wouldn't feel the same way.

I know there are other forums dedicated to this subject but was just wondering what tam ladies think.


----------



## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

I grew up in a household rife with physical and emotional abuse and I am terrified that I'd carry that forward to my own family. Additionally, I am extremely career-oriented and find my career, my hobbies, my volunteer work and my family sufficiently fulfilling. Finally, I have absolutely no maternal instincts whatsoever and no desire to develop them


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I've always known I didn't want children of my own. Even when I was young. I never dreamed of having a wedding or having children. I guess I'm selfish in that regard. And I'm ok feeling that way. I enjoy my free time and ability to do pretty much whatever I want, whenever I want.I don't think I'm selfless enough to devote my life to someone else like that.

That said, I adore children. I dote on my family and friends kids and that is enough for me. I really never had that maternal instinct I felt I needed to explore.

I've never, ever regretted my decision. Ever.


----------



## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

I never wanted kids either. People used to tell me it was "just a phase" and soon my biological clock would be ticking. It never did.

My general thoughts are that bringing a little person into this world is not necessarily a very nice thing to do to someone, and if you're going to do it, you should mean it. And I never meant it. When we talked about whether we would or not, the only real reasons we came up with for having a kid were selfish: "who is going to look after us when we get old?"

If he had totally been into being a dad, I might've for his sake. But he would've taken on rolenof primary caregiver, as he is much better at that stuff than I am.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I'm not in this camp, but I have a friend my age (40s) who decided not to have kids. She and her husband are life-long youth leaders at their church. They love kids. They debated for a long time about whether or not to have kids and eventually decided not to because they love their work, love the kids, and want to devote all of their energy to the teens. They felt having a family would take away from that. They are very happy.


----------



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

always_alone said:


> I never wanted kids either. People used to tell me it was "just a phase" and soon my biological clock would be ticking. It never did.


Not a woman, but same here for me and the wife. Neither one of us ever wanted kids. I remember those condescending, knowing smirks when I told people I didn't want kids. "Oh, you will." Nope.

It's funny, I never wanted kids, but I always assumed I _would _at some point. Never happened. Now I'm in my 40s and she's getting close to there, and we've decided the only babies we want are the four-legged kind.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Also not a woman, but I'll post anyway.

We felt that children take an enormous amount of time, effort and money. We enjoy the things we do with our lives, why give up so much of that? It is not as if we are doing a good deed by having children - if anything the world is overpopulated, not the reverse.

We just don't see the appeal. Our experience with other people's children is that they are sometimes adorable, but all too often are just a lot of work and not much fun. 

Absolutely nothing wrong with people having children, I just hope they are honest with themselves with their expectations of what life will be like.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I don't think there is any decision we make in life more selfish than wanting to have kids--and that's ok, if you have that urge, and ok if you don't. No one "asks" to be born.. We "want" to have kids, we don't "need" to have kids. 

I wish every child was born desperately wanted, but humankind is a long way from that.

I felt the urge, very strongly, x3. So I have 3 kids (one through adoption).

No regrets. And I have some close friends who have chosen not to have kids. We get along great, and they respect the limitations and demands parenting involves--because they realize that it will, in fact, be someone else's kid(s) helping out when they get old. I don't envy their freedom and greater wealth, either, b/c I love what I have. 

It's all about choices and respecting the choices of others.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

lucy999 said:


> I've always known I didn't want children of my own. Even when I was young. I never dreamed of having a wedding or having children. I guess I'm selfish in that regard. And I'm ok feeling that way. I enjoy my free time and ability to do pretty much whatever I want, whenever I want.I don't think I'm selfless enough to devote my life to someone else like that.
> 
> That said, I adore children. I dote on my family and friends kids and that is enough for me. I really never had that maternal instinct I felt I needed to explore.
> 
> I've never, ever regretted my decision. Ever.


I'm in agreement with Lucy999. 

I never wanted kids, even as a young girl. I was always told I would grow out of it, and I knew I wouldn't. I tried having my tubes tied when I was 22 an three different doctors flat out refused. I did get married but only to a man who absolutely didn't want children, that was clear up front.

I like children, I just didn't want that for my life. I've never had a day of regret. Looking at my friends and my sister, I can't say it seems at all appealing to me.


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I have a son, so I have no personal experience, but I have a good friend who has no kids and doesn't want any. She loves her career and highly enjoys volunteering, which takes up a lot of her time. Her and her husband dote on other people's kids and have their "baby", a Beagle mix. 

If you don't want kids, don't have them. I don't see any issue with being childless. It's much better to not have children, then to have them when you really didn't want to. No matter what people will judge you. They will judge you for not having kids and for having kids. People judge on everything, so you just have to do what works best for your family(you and your SO).


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Yes.. people judge whether you have kids or if you don't... . I think it's best we live the life we want, what brings us the most happiness and hopefully we find a spouse with the same vision... if not.. it's better to divorce & seek someone to compliment and share in our dreams..whatever they may be. 

I was one of those who wanted a family more than anything else in life.. our 6 children have brought me (and my husband) so much Joy.. just thinking about them not being in our lives... the mascara will be running... I have found it the greatest privilege to have raised them...no matter the sacrifices , the cost.. this summer alone, we must have went to 7 Grad parties.. that's alot to stuff into each envelope...but their friends , too, have been such a blessing to us.... 

Not being able to conceive were the hardest yrs of my life....for my husband having to deal with me..... then when the babies started coming...we devoted our lives around them... so much we lost a little bit of ourselves I think.... but we've made up for that the last 7 yrs....

The judgement... I was met with a comment here or there from a sister, one from his mother when a friend threw me a baby shower for finally having a girl...that stung (like our children was a burden).....I was holding back tears while opening my presents that day in the church basement...due to something his mother said.. she will never know she ruined my day... what's bad is I never expected anything from them.. wasn't one to ask to babysit.. or infringe. ... myself & H has an attitude of - we only need each other.. no one else... . 

Some feel this obligation to buy christmas / birthday presents.. I was never one who cared about presents like AT ALL -I didn't even get them growing up... after that shower.. I took it upon myself to write them each a letter .. asking them to not buy for any of our children or ourselves.. ..It was WE who wanted these kids, they are our responsibility ... its about their PRESENCE .. not PRESENTS... I do every holiday for his family... yet still they ask what they want.. I don't want to hear it.. I tell them to go to the $1 store if they insist.. I can not stand the idea of being a burden , or someone thinking this of my children..


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I have no judgement toward anyone who does not want to have children, totally respect for their decision. Even among us motivated to have children, the challenges can be great. You have such high hopes for them, but quickly learn to temper all expectations to realize that each are individuals. 

As personal side note just for me and my wife: It is a job (parenting) far more difficult than any I have ever had, far more discouraging and yet rewarding all at the same time. The saying among parents, "sleep is overrated, you can sleep when you die". :rofl: Yes, you even lose sleep when they get older (worrying sleep).


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Having children is an important and critical decision. I support any choice people make as long as they have though about that choice.


----------



## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

Great posts. I feel the same way. I actually became an egg donor when I was 20 years old so I know there is a family that desperately wanted children and is now raising a boy or a girl that might look like me. I never wanted children on my own so having a million of eggs I won't use seemed like a waste. 

I sometimes feel anxiety and don't think I have much wisdom to pass on. My hubby is a philosopher in heart and is disappointed with this world. I am too at some aspects. I mean why are all these people having kids who clearly should not. I am talking about people who can't feed their children. Can't provide schooling and any kind of prospect in life. Besides I want to be able to sell my house and retire in Spain. I like my free time. I am not a career person but I make enough to satisfy my wishes including trip to home to Europe every other year. I have a very lucky dog that gets 2 long walks in the mountains daily. I love my nieces but every time I see a stranger's child misbehaving at the store or restaurant I shiver and count my blessings.


----------



## code187 (Jul 15, 2015)

Just don't feel the urge to have them, really. It's that simple. Now, my husband has a 6-year-old son, and I've been in his life as kind of a part-time mommy since he was a little less than three, so I've never experienced the baby stage and don't know if I really care to, and I know my husband is not really interested in going back there. As much as he loves his son, I know he would have been perfectly happy to remain childfree. As it happens now, we share custody 50/50 with his ex, so I get the best of both worlds, IMO. And that makes me set in my decision to not have my own. Hubby is also 12 years older than me, so that would make the logistics more challenging. Also, I'm two years in practice in a profession that I adore and can't see myself wanting to give it up or rein it in to look after kids any time soon.


----------



## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

I never wanted children.

H wanted a house full. 

We compromised on 4.

If I could go back in time, I would not have kids at all. I love my children, but I don't love parenthood.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I was always ambivalent. I've never had a ticking clock--if I did, blaring alarms would be going off at this point in my life.

It just never interested me. My sister couldn't wait to get married and have kids, and she is a wonderful mother. She adores her girls, but she doesn't spoil them. 

I think that certain people, like my sister, should have kids. It was a very deliberate choice on her part. But there are too many kids born to parents who didn't make a deliberate decision. Parents who aren't financially prepared to support a family, or have too many emotional problems to be good parents, etc... My mother should have never had children; she had kids because that's just what you did, but she never really WANTED us, and that was clear in the way she raised us. (But my dad wanted kids, I think that's why she went along with it.)

And also... it's crazy expensive. There are other things I would rather do with my money and my time. And the way I want to live my life isn't conducive to having kids.


----------



## alltheprettyflowers (Jul 24, 2015)

I completely, utterly hate kids. It doesn't seem fun to be cleaning dirty diapers and their puke. 
I also hate the idea of pregnancy and having to mess up my lean body just to birth some nugget into the world. And that nugget is going to suffer...so why give it life in the first place? 
yes I am selfish


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

alltheprettyflowers said:


> I completely, utterly hate kids. It doesn't seem fun to be cleaning dirty diapers and their puke.
> I also hate the idea of pregnancy and having to mess up my lean body just to birth some nugget into the world. And that nugget is going to suffer...so why give it life in the first place?
> yes I am selfish


You're not selfish. If that's your truth, that's your truth.

I think the "You're selfish!" accusation that is so often thrown at child-free by choice women says a lot more about the person hurling the insult than the person on the receiving end.


----------



## code187 (Jul 15, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> My mother should have never had children; she had kids because that's just what you did, but she never really WANTED us, and that was clear in the way she raised us. (But my dad wanted kids, I think that's why she went along with it.)


I could have written this. This was exactly my experience as well. Mom and dad were married for 8 years before having their first kid(they got married at 20 and 22 and had my older sister at 28 and 30). Dad always wanted kids but never really pushed the issue. His mom did, though, and I guess my mom gave in. She never wanted us, and I always sensed I wasn't wanted by her and that motherhood wasn't really her choice for her life. I don't mean that to sound as awful as it does. She was as good a mother as she could have been. She just didn't bond to us kids very well. As we're all adults now, though, we're pretty good friends, my mom and sister and I.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

code187 said:


> I could have written this. This was exactly my experience as well. Mom and dad were married for 8 years before having their first kid(they got married at 20 and 22 and had my older sister at 28 and 30). Dad always wanted kids but never really pushed the issue. His mom did, though, and I guess my mom gave in. She never wanted us, and I always sensed I wasn't wanted by her and that motherhood wasn't really her choice for her life. I don't mean that to sound as awful as it does. She was as good a mother as she could have been. She just didn't bond to us kids very well. As we're all adults now, though, we're pretty good friends, my mom and sister and I.


But it IS an awful way to grow up! It totally fvcked with my head. I constantly felt like I was a bother and an inconvenience to her, and when I was young, my dad wasn't around enough to counter balance that (he traveled a lot for work). So I internalized that, and grew up thinking I wasn't loveable, that I was never enough for her to really love me. And so when my dad was home, I just clung to him, because it was all the attention that I really got, and I never knew how long he would be home, or when he would come back. (Really, he was only gone for a few days at a time, and he was always home on weekends, but a small child can't really grasp that.) I think it made my mother jealous that I was so attached to my dad, and not to her, and so she subconsciously tried to put a wedge between him and me. It was completely messed up, and it totally screwed with my emotional development and attachment style.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I couldn't say there's a motivation not to have kids.

I just couldn't say there was a motivation to have them.

Therefore, it's not something I've yearned for and over the years that hasn't changed. 

Children tend to gravitate towards me and friends tell me how much their children love being around me... I don't really know why... they do work their charms on me though and I can be temporarily dazzled being in their presence. Then I fill them with sugar and wave goodbye! I kid.

A close friend asked me to help be her daughter's mentor in life. Something about being a strong female role model. I was quite taken aback. Especially given she knows that I can't even care for a potted plant. I consider it to be an honor and I'll be stepping up to the plate to help her daughter however and whenever I can.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> I couldn't say there's a motivation not to have kids.
> 
> I just couldn't say there was a motivation to have them.
> 
> ...


^^^ All of this.


----------



## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> I completely, utterly hate kids. It doesn't seem fun to be cleaning dirty diapers and their puke.
> I also hate the idea of pregnancy and having to mess up my lean body just to birth some nugget into the world. And that nugget is going to suffer...so why give it life in the first place?
> yes I am selfish


I don't think its selfish not to have kids. More often, I think its selfish to have kids for the wrong reasons....ie. To trap a guy, to save your marriage, etc.

I have to say I love my own kids and I love being around well behaved children but I see a lot of bad, rude, annoying, self-absorbed kids and they truly get on my nerves.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with the decision not to have children and a lot of people shouldn't have them...especially the ones who don't work and have no means to take care of them. Children are extremely expensive and a lot of people have them without really knowing how they're going to pay for them.

Nothing at all wrong with your choice. If you don't like children and don't want to tolerate the sacrifices you have to make to have them in your life, you've made the right decision. You aren't selfish...you just know what you want.


----------



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I have one child and am absolutely fine with those that choose not to have kids. Kids are expensive and often like someone stated the expectations are high that your child and you will be so close, etc. etc. it does not always turn out that way. As well I know many adults that have close siblings that they have nothing to do with...so those that say well you have to have at least two kids so they will be close...ummm not necessarily. I know when son was younger we would get the statements about why does he not have a sibling, etc. etc. 

I also know people that have one or more kids and the kids have caused them nothing but grief and worry.


----------



## Tito Santana (Jul 9, 2015)

Sometimes, I think people are too involved in other people's business. It's totally a personal decision. I really don't get why anybody would judge another regarding their decision to have or not have kids. 

I have kids, and what I find interesting is that I have some friends that really shouldn't have had kids, for one reason or another. I have a couple sets of friends that decided not to have kids, but would be fabulous parents. They come over and love hanging out with my kids, and are great  with them, etc... but have decided not to tale the plunge; their business. I don't need to know their reasons.

That being said, I love my kids more than anything and can't imagine life without them. My eldest daughter is such a daddy's girl (4th grade), it melts my heart. She still wants to hold my hand wherever we go (as does my other, but she is a bit younger). She hasn't reached the "embarrassed of her parents" (I hope she never will) stage that some of her friends are starting to get into. I will say that I was not a "baby" guy. The baby stage was hard for me, but the payoff of how my kids are turning out, was worth it in spades. To me, there is something special with having a few more humans around that look at you and just love you unconditionally... Now, both of my kids are girls, so I'm sure they will hate me when they are teenagers and start dating. I've already told my wife, I will keep my head shaved and get a snake, skull, or axe tattooed on my dome, once I start seeing boys around the house.

That was my choice, though. I certainly would think bad of anybody regarding their stance on kids. Everybody has their own reason.


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> A close friend asked me to help be her daughter's mentor in life. Something about being a strong female role model. I was quite taken aback. Especially given she knows that I can't even care for a potted plant. I consider it to be an honor and I'll be stepping up to the plate to help her daughter however and whenever I can.


Oh that's so beautiful. What an honor for both of you.


----------



## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Thank you for posting this! I don't want children just for the sake of having kids, I think that is not a good enough reason. ""Why you want kids?" Oh because I just want to have some of my own, now that is a a valid reason but not good enough for me. That and having to help raise my other siblings I realized very young how much finances, work, sacrafice, and yes worrying is involved with having a kid. I love kids I think theyre are great, just not for me. I'm a firm believer in not having kids and you cant afford them. I grew up poor and I just feel for myself that I do not want to put my kids through what I went through unless I'm financially stable. Right now and for a while I'm not, were barely making it as it is. I constantly think holy crap I have no clue what I would have done if I had a kid in the same situation right now, it would make things way more complicated. 

I observed that no matter what you do in life someone will always have something to say. If your single, the next question is when are you going to start dating? Then you start dating, sooo when are you getting married? And if you get married, so when are you having kids? And if you have kids, when are the grand kids arriving... see always something...

And since there is always something, and life is too damn short. Mind as well do what makes you feel happy. Thank you for posting this it doesnt make you feel so alone when you decide you don't want kids and people give yo uthat funny look like there is something wrong with you.


----------



## helenbean (Aug 13, 2015)

They have done studies and couples with small children are less happy than couples with no children. Middle aged adults with adult children are happier than couples with no children.


----------



## HollyinLove77 (Oct 11, 2015)

I enjoy a simplified life, and do not like to add additional stresses to my day to day life. With the exception of my two pomeranians, who are more like therapy for me...I like to live childfree and not overburdened, spontaneous life.

One of my main reasons is I have bipolar disorder and do not want to pass it on to a child, but it also makes me think that having BD, the needs of a child would be exceptionally stressful on me.

Although in the past I have had jobs where I banked$$$, I now can not work and my husband does not make a crap ton of money either. Kids are expensive, and I would not want to be unable to give a child what it needs or deserves because we couldn't afford it

My other reason is I do not want anything to come between me and my husband. He is the most important person to me and I fear that a child would demand too much, causing us to grow apart.

Also I like my sex life, anytime, anywhere, loud or long....really don't think I could compromise that.


----------



## chunt (Feb 15, 2012)

I am childfree not my choice. My decision not to have children at this time in my life is because my husband does not have any relationship with his son from a previous marriage. Given that, I dont really feel secure having children with my current spouse.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

alltheprettyflowers said:


> I completely, utterly hate kids. It doesn't seem fun to be cleaning dirty diapers and their puke.
> I also hate the idea of pregnancy and having to mess up my lean body just to birth some nugget into the world. And that nugget is going to suffer...so why give it life in the first place?
> yes I am selfish


With over 7 billion people populating this rock, and many of those born to parents who couldn't possibly care less about them even if they tried, it would seem that the world could use quite a bit more of this version of "selfish". Nothing at all wrong w/ not wanting kids, IMO.

But desperately wanting kids, yet being unable to have them?

That's a fresh serving of utter heartache roughly every 28 days.


----------



## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

Guy here. My wife was told that she could and would never have children, at least not without some serious medical assistance. We both agreed that that route was not for us and when we do decide if and when we want to have children, we will do so via adoption. 
That's not where I think either of us saw ourselves originally but as for me personally, I've learned to be ok with it. I think she has too over time. Most couples our age that we know do have children and not a lot else. We have good careers, money, and the ability to go and do whatever we want. I'm happy with that for the moment.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Feeling-Lonely said:


> For child-free ladies. Just curious what is your motivation not to have kids?
> 
> We have recently decided not to have kids. Maybe with a different man in a different situation I wouldn't feel the same way.
> 
> I know there are other forums dedicated to this subject but was just wondering what tam ladies think.



Mrs.CuddleBug is a career woman and loves her job. She would have me be a stay at home dad before giving up her career.

Reason we didn't have kids is economics and money. Our city is the top 5th most expensive in Canada I believe, so if we really wanted kids, we'd need three incomes. Buying a large house here with good sized fenced yard is $500,000 minimum. So two incomes and a renter to pay the mortgage.

So we decided to work, have no kids and not worry about money.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Mrs.CuddleBug is a career woman and loves her job. She would have me be a stay at home dad before giving up her career.
> 
> Reason we didn't have kids is economics and money. Our city is the top 5th most expensive in Canada I believe, so if we really wanted kids, we'd need three incomes. Buying a large house here with good sized fenced yard is $500,000 minimum. So two incomes and a renter to pay the mortgage.
> 
> So we decided to work, have no kids and not worry about money.


It's crazy how expensive it is to raise kids, especially if you live in an urban area--not just the regular kid expenses, but the cost of real estate to have a house big enough for a family, in a good school district??? 

My cousin and his wife purposely moved to Oklahoma because the cost of living out there is so cheap, they could buy a big house, they could have a bunch of kids and she could be a stay at home mom. (Granted, he has an MBA and is a high-level manager for a pretty big corporation, so he's already a pretty high earner.) They have 4 kids, but her last pregnancy was so difficult that they've decided that's it for bio kids, but they're hoping to adopt a couple more.


----------



## Bridge (Dec 27, 2013)

My dog doesn't like kids.


----------



## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

1. I love my free time.
2. I love doing what I want when I want.
3. To Selfish.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Maybe it's hormones wreaking havoc, maybe it's the study I've undertaken about life stages, maybe it's how hubs and I are together....but something is unexpectedly stirring in me like never before that cannot be rationally explained. Very strange, Watson.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> Grab a trusted friends kid (plural, if you can swing it) and spend a full weekend with them. Get a good taste of it.
> 
> It's a fun life @heartsbeating but totally different.


A full weekend... does that mean I can take them out to the pub on Saturday night? 

:grin2:


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Last night we had a very detailed, intimate discussion around the possibility of starting a family. In other words, looking to apply rationale to an irrational decision with thought given to some of the obvious practicalities and what would change.

Over the years, my husband is content and accepting with our choice not to have a family. My stirrings are seemingly out-of-the-blue to both of us. He's been choosing how he wishes to spend his life around us, our home, friends and community. As part of the community, he's training as a volunteer firefighter. He showed me his uniform and my ovaries whispered 'Resistance is futile'. Fireman outfit aside, I'm considering what it means to me and if it's necessarily about having children. 

We live in a different state to family so there isn't support here and we wouldn't want to move. I spoke with Mama Hearts. Her first mention was similar to yours @FrenchFry that everything changes DRAMATICALLY. Yes, she verbalized that in upper case. Then she spoke of things she went through such as post-natal depression, that she had children because it's 'what you did then'. Worked a job for a short time, got married, started a family then stayed home to raise them. She didn't know there could be other options. While she felt we were a joy to her, she also said in an alternate universe she wouldn't choose that path again and to really consider if that's what we want. 

Hubs and I are not ignoring the stirrings however I am considering what it's all about. I imagine there's no way to know until you're experiencing it... however ...we're enjoying our lifestyle together as it is, with a ton of room for varied experiences other than a family. That could be motivation to not have kids.


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> Last night we had a very detailed, intimate discussion around the possibility of starting a family. In other words, looking to apply rationale to an irrational decision with thought given to some of the obvious practicalities and what would change.
> 
> Over the years, my husband is content and accepting with our choice not to have a family. My stirrings are seemingly out-of-the-blue to both of us. He's been choosing how he wishes to spend his life around us, our home, friends and community. As part of the community, he's training as a volunteer firefighter. He showed me his uniform and my ovaries whispered 'Resistance is futile'. Fireman outfit aside, I'm considering what it means to me and if it's necessarily about having children.
> 
> ...


Absolutely, a kid changes everything, but that does not mean it's better or worse. It's just very different. 

I've always wanted children, but my son has challenged me in ways I never expected. He has made me rethink many things and question myself about a number of topics. He's a strong willed/high needs child, which is just his personality and who I love to death, but he definitely keeps me on my toes. Although, even with the struggles I've had with him, we desperately want a second baby and have been trying for one. I found out I was pregnant in September, but miscarried a couple weeks after finding out. We're still trying for a second baby. Being a parent has been challenging, tiring, and emotional at times, but I have loved the whole journey. There is always good and bad days, but I think the good has outweighed the bad. We have an amazing little boy. My husband and I are both 100% on board for baby #2 and hope it can happen soon. I can't wait to see our son become a big brother. 

I always tell friends to follow that gut feeling. If you feel completely ready to start a family or go for a second or more child, then go for it. BUT if you have any hesitation at all, don't do it.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Anonymous07 said:


> Absolutely, a kid changes everything, but that does not mean it's better or worse. It's just very different.
> 
> I've always wanted children, but my son has challenged me in ways I never expected. He has made me rethink many things and question myself about a number of topics. He's a strong willed/high needs child, which is just his personality and who I love to death, but he definitely keeps me on my toes. Although, even with the struggles I've had with him, we desperately want a second baby and have been trying for one. I found out I was pregnant in September, but miscarried a couple weeks after finding out. We're still trying for a second baby. Being a parent has been challenging, tiring, and emotional at times, but I have loved the whole journey. There is always good and bad days, but I think the good has outweighed the bad. We have an amazing little boy. My husband and I are both 100% on board for baby #2 and hope it can happen soon. I can't wait to see our son become a big brother.
> 
> I always tell friends to follow that gut feeling. If you feel completely ready to start a family or go for a second or more child, then go for it. BUT if you have any hesitation at all, don't do it.


Thank you for this. I acknowledge my mother's take is towards the negative; that has been her reality and I value her openness. That's not to say that is the experience we would have. Talking, reading and typing it out does seem to help me. Because this is out of character for me and there is hesitation, it certainly has me/us considering whether it really is about having children or not. This stirring does have me taking stock of what is important to me. I'm also aware of potential expectations and facing certain realities. Maybe I'm over thinking it... maybe that itself speaks volumes? 

I certainly wouldn't think one experience is better or worse than another. I apologize if my previous post came across that way. Different. Which ever path we take, we both feel the important thing is to accept which ever choice we make. 

I remember when your son came along... and have enjoyed reading what you share such as when your little boy began kissing you. I'm saddened to hear that you miscarried. I will be looking forward to reading of child number two when the timing happens.


----------

