# Just took a big step



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Decided that I was going to move on with my life as a new years resolution. We are in the middle of divorce, both have filed a complaint, so hopefully we will be in mediations soon. Anywho, decided it was time to start dating, nothing serious but just get back out there. Scary. I went on POF the other day and posted my profile. Sent three messages today, two of them looked at my profile and never wrote back, but still I am growing.

Never thought I would be in this position, but I'll be damned if I am going to spend another year moping around licking my wounds. 2014 sucked, hopefully 2015 will be better and I am doing everything in my power to get beyond my codependent tendencies and be strong.


----------



## billysblues (Jan 6, 2015)

Congratulations, I encourage you. I'm very dumb I waited 2 years before I started filling out the divorce papers a few days ago.

Happy New Year.


----------



## Peppy (Jan 2, 2015)

Happy New Beginnings!
It sounds like we're feeling the same sentiments.
I too felt very wounded and am looking forward to a new happy year, making progress and sorting out this mess, finally.
I never thought I'd be here either, but when it's forced upon you and your spouse won't go to mc or talk to you, there's not another option but to 
1. Be strong
2. Be with gorgeous friends
3. Exercise, even a 5 min walk
4. Do things you enjoy
5. Eat well
6. Sleep
7. Laugh
8. Put on your best face and clothes
9. Believe things will be better
10. Be nice to yourself, you've been through enough already
X
Peppy


----------



## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

I have been separated just under a month...meeting with a lawyer today, not so much because am in a hurry to be divorced but I worry about him getting behind on bills and this is a community property state. So I need to get our finances severed. We have legal separation here, which does that.

I am the one who moved, at his request, and I think getting set up in a new apartment is a really good way to be distracted and busy. If I was still in that depressing old house, I would be much more emotional, I think. It is good that I really dislikes that house and now feel free of it, at least the worry about clearing it out, fixing it up and trying to sell it, which he will do this year (he says). 

Anyway...I tell myself that by the end of 2015 I am likely to be divorced and that thought does not depress me, other than the disappointment of a failed (20-year) marriage. That is always a depressing fact.

Wishing luck to all of you going through the same...best advice is to stay busy, do things you like, and for me, cook things you like without worrying about what your spouse liked or hated-I find that especially pleasant and do not even hate grocery shopping anymore; in fact I look forward to it.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

POF and OKC are free sites. Just be cautious if you are a female. I joined 

them after my October debacle (not married, just g/f) and there seems to be 

quite a few women interested. Just take it slow...set no expectations.

What will be......will be. Best of luck!


----------



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

OK, just tried OKC, think I may not do it. Not 15 minutes after I posted my profile, a woman young enough to be my daughter sent me a message to text her and she would send me "private pics". Sorry, but not interested.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

every site has snerts wanting to direct you to a pay site. just ignore them


----------



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

OH MY STARS!!!!! I am blushing just from some of the questions that OKC asks about sex. I am not a prude, but really some of the questions I was just embarrassed to answer.


----------



## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

Have you looked at ourtime.com site? Not sure how old you are but it is for those fifty-ish and older, some people in their forties.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

hit skip.........move on to the next LOL NBD


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Gonna Make It said:


> OK, just tried OKC, think I may not do it. Not 15 minutes after I posted my profile, a woman young enough to be my daughter sent me a message to text her and she would send me "private pics". Sorry, but not interested.


Gonna, there are a lot of decent women on OKC. But you're going to get a lot of messages from people you're not interested in... read the profiles, reach out to the ones you're interested in, and eventually you'll get a bite or two. I hate to say it, but it's a numbers game, and it's easy to get discouraged.

That being said, as someone who's on the other side, make sure you're *really* ready before putting yourself out there. You don't want to end up making the same mistakes, and find yourself going through another divorce ten years from now. You have plenty of time, you don't need to be in a rush.

Edited to add: And just skip the sex questions if they make you uncomfortable... I've only answered the ones that I want to use to weed out guys who clearly won't be compatible, but for most of that stuff, it's more fun to find out a partner's preferences in an, ahem, more organic way...


----------



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Well, that was awkward. Tried to talk to a woman on their for a little while. It was painful. Either I am really horrible at this or she is not the one. Or both.

We texted some more. She is…. Yeah, afraid she is more into me than I am into her. Dropped several hints that she wants to meet. Probably will meet her, maybe there will be a spark there. She is definitely not taking it slow and I told her that I wanted to take it slow so feel like I may end up hurting her without meaning to do so. And all I did was talked to her.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I get emails from females from Russia. It's a con. But there are serious females

on OKC. Wade through the BS.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Gonna Make It said:


> Well, that was awkward. Tried to talk to a woman on their for a little while. It was painful. Either I am really horrible at this or she is not the one. Or both.
> 
> We texted some more. She is…. Yeah, afraid she is more into me than I am into her. Dropped several hints that she wants to meet. Probably will meet her, maybe there will be a spark there. She is definitely not taking it slow and I told her that I wanted to take it slow so feel like I may end up hurting her without meaning to do so. And all I did was talked to her.


Dude, you NEED to take this less seriously. She wants to meet you because she doesn't want to waste hours being online pen pals. She wants to meet to see if there's any chemistry. If there is, great! If not, she can move on to someone else.

(And really? If she's emotionally distraught over you not being into her this early in the game, she's got serious issues.)

The whole point of online dating is to actually DATE. Women don't want to spend weeks chatting online before meeting, because a) it's a huge time suck, and b) it's all wasted time if there's no chemistry when you finally meet. Time she could have spent talking to other guys who actually want to meet her and who she might have good chemistry yet.

If you like her, MEET HER. If you don't, stop engaging her so she can spend her time chatting up other guys.

You're not going to find THE ONE on the first try, but you need to practice dating. So get out there! Meet the ones you like, they might not be so great in person. Meet the ones you're "maybe" about, and you might meet an amazing woman who is so much better in person than she is on a computer. And talk to multiple women at once so you don't get overly attached to one in particular, when the only reason you're really into that one isn't because she's THE ONE but because she's into you, and she happens to be your only option because she's the only woman you're engaging with.

I STRONGLY urge you to do a little research on online dating and successful strategies. And/or try some speed dating.

You've been out of the game for a long time, and it's a different game now than when you were younger. And I'm sorry to tell you--and it's been the case for every single person that has come out of a bad marriage, and you are no exception--that you don't have game anymore and your skills are rusty. Just a matter of fact, not trying to dig you or anything.

Get out there, have fun, and stop looking for THE ONE. When you're ready, the right woman will come along. But if you don't practice, if you don't get out there, you won't be ready when she DOES come along.

ETA: And you may be overestimating how much she's really into you. She's flirting to get the in-person meet.


----------



## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> Dude, you NEED to take this less seriously. She wants to meet you because she doesn't want to waste hours being online pen pals. She wants to meet to see if there's any chemistry. If there is, great! If not, she can move on to someone else.
> 
> (And really? If she's emotionally distraught over you not being into her this early in the game, she's got serious issues.)
> 
> ...


Second this wholeheartedly.
If you a re looking for a good place to read up and get some feedback go to
Plenty of fish Online Dating Forum and singles Chat.

The nice people will help you get back on your feet


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

A first date is really not even a date. A coffee meet, just to feel each other out.

Is s/he who the profile and chat indicated? If a guy says he is 6'1 but ends 

up 5'7...or if the girl has a pic up from 8 years ago and says it's recent.

Any type of lie at this point is pretty much a done deal. I had a first meet / date

NYE and things didn't work out but we both had a wonderful time.

This is dating...you're not picking out wedding apparel.


----------

