# Ultimate humilation



## cashybum (Aug 16, 2012)

Super long drawn out story made short. Husband bought a motorcycle (posted another thread about it) and that was the final straw but divorce would mean me losing my family home, my business, my horses (my children), my barn friends and social outlet.. literally everything. 

I decided I was going to apply for my husbands job so that I could stand a chance at affording my place. The stars aligned and I was able to get a job interview with all the "connections." My husband changed his tune. The class is a 16 wk course before you start, and one of the compromises that I had I could finally get my boobs done but had to do them before the class started in October... so I paid for it.. Got an interview and then for some reason I didn't get the job! I was freaking heart broken beyond belief and so was he and now things are worse than ever especially since I just had my boobs done and 4 weeks later he is still having to help feed horses because I can not put their feed bags on..

The last few days have been tense for some unknown reason. Then today we had a little tiff about who was going to take the cats to the vet..I couldn't do it because I had to give a lesson and wouldn't be back in time. After he left, the lady who feeds in the morning had texted me saying she couldn't make it. I forward him the message and he wasn't happy. As I was helping my student, comes to me and is like "all the feed bags have ants in them" (the bags are made up the night before) I went through them and told him that 8 of the bags would need to be dumped and sprayed off and it should be fine... He stomped off and said "Well you can do it yourself then i'm not doing it anymore!" all in front of my assistant instructor,4 students and 2 boarders. 2 boarders WHO PAY FOR US TO FEED THEIR HORSES. I told them kindly I would be right back and followed him in where chaos ensued. 

I've been trying to work things out for so long and try to compromise with him. I even went to a psych dr and got meds for ADD and anxiety to do everything I can to be a better person for him....

and I have never felt more humiliated in my entire life. I couldn't go back out there because it would've taken hours for my now completely swollen and tear stained face to go down and for me to stop shaking. At one point the anxiety attack was so bad I couldn't breath and threw up.. not to mention sobbing, and the chest tightness from the anxiety is making my new boobs hurt worse.

In the last month between my marriage issues, not getting that job, my assistant instructor having an emergency appendectomy, my boob job, my dad having a heart attack and having a quadruple by-pass, my long term employee quitting and having a hard time finding someone to fill the space especially since I can't.. it's all been tooooo much to handle. Thank god for xanax because I don't think I would've made it the rest of the day.

I would never do anything crazy to hurt myself or anyone in my family but I can't help but hope I can fall asleep and not wake up.


No need to comment.. I just need to vent. I feel like I have no one on my side and no one to talk to.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I think I've had enough TAM for today after reading this thread!

I read your entire post and cannot for the life of me understand what's going on.


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## cashybum (Aug 16, 2012)

synthetic said:


> I think I've had enough TAM for today after reading this thread!
> 
> I read your entire post and cannot for the life of me understand what's going on.


Imagine going to drop your diabetic kid off at a home day care center and the person responsible for them decided not to feed because they were having a bad day and decided to announce that in-front of all the customers... It's kind of like that but with horses.. (horse's have sensitive digestive systems and need a very regimented feeding schedule). I can't do it because I just had my boobs done and can't lift... something he knew about and agreed to.


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## IcePrincess28 (Aug 4, 2014)

I'm sensing a lack of empathy bc cashybum had elective surgery for cosmetic purposes?

First off- congrats on the new additions I think its great that you treated yourself to something that made you happy and feel better about yourself. 

Your husband knows that surgery is something that made you happy- and more confident. He should be helping you- regardless of if this was elective surgery or not! Perhaps this was just a moment of frustration- amidst a mountain of other problems. 

Hopefully- later on when he cools his jets- he will apologize. When i had my breast aug- I couldn't even walk one of my dogs (he would do a run and jerk on the leash really forcefully). Its very uncomfortable bc of the muscular pain associated with it- and things such as lifting or pushing downwards- past a certain weight- is very painful. He knows you're in pain- and it'd be wrong for him to stand by and walk you go thru that. 

Did he end up helping with the feeding- or did you do it on your own?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So...if you had gotten your husband's job, what was going to happen to HIM?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

turnera said:


> So...if you had gotten your husband's job, what was going to happen to HIM?


Yeah... I'm confused. OP also makes it sound like the boob job was somehow tied to the prospective job...?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

It's your business. Not his responsibility. Yet you want him to take up the slack even though you got new boobs and were going to dump him. 

So new boobs, dumping husband (totally predictable btw), and when your plan doesn't work he has to run your business. He should have told you to get another patsy and gtfo.

Ultimate humiliation indeed.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

Am I reading this? Can somebody please correct me if I am wrong? She wants to dump him, can't do so b/c she can't afford to, so decides to take HIS job, but gets a boob enhancement first, then is amazed when the guy is not as calm as a buddhist cow about being led to the abattoir.


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## IcePrincess28 (Aug 4, 2014)

Either way. No husband should willingly stand by and let his wife go thru pain. I agree that there was definitely selfishness on her part to bring on his blowout.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

It's confusing.
OP as you learned never plan things assuming you have a job, no matter how sure you are until you have an offer letter in your hand. It seems you got the boob job before the interview! Also, did your husband agree to work for you? Did you ask him can you please do X? Or did you just tell him the the feeding bags have ants and expect him to volunteer? Since you are out at the job did he know you have restrictions? Did you plan your work schedule for post surgery?

Did he know you were applying to his job? Was he ok with this? Did he know you were going to dump him after?

Are there other jobs out there you can apply to?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

cashybum said:


> I was able to get a job interview with all the "connections."
> 
> one of the compromises that I had I could finally get my boobs done but had to do them before the class started in October...
> 
> Got an interview and then for some reason I didn't get the job!


cashy, has it occurred to you that you're part of the problem? Usually, if you're a sure thing for a job and you interview and don't get it, it means it's because of something YOU did that made them decide you're not right for it. Are you pushy? Expecting things? Critical? Putting other people down? There are a million ways you can turn people off. And it just might be contributing to your marriage problems as well. Which means if you leave THIS guy, there's a chance you will be just as unhappy with the next one. Maybe this is a good time to take a hard look at yourself. Ask people you know to tell you the truth - do you rub people the wrong way? Upset people? Turn them off?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cashybum said:


> I was freaking heart broken beyond belief and so was he and now things are worse than ever especially since I just had my boobs done and 4 weeks later he is still having to help feed horses because I can not put their feed bags on...


Why would your husband be disappointed that you did not get his job? Am I reading your post right? If you got your husband’s job, does that mean that he would lose his? Or were you trying to get a job like his? Would you have been working with him if got the job?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh... more .. it sounds like it's time for you to hire someone to come take care of the feedings.


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## cashybum (Aug 16, 2012)

Whoa. I think yall are reading this in the wrong order.

-He bought a 20k motorcycle.
-I applied for his job (aka working with him doing the same thing he does... it's not like we would be working side by side all day)
-He wanted to make nice because he was certain I was about to start making a ton money.
-He agreed I could get my boob job before I got hired because once I'm hired it would be YEARS before I could get time off to do it. 


*I applied for the same position to either #1 hire more people to work at the barn so we didn't have to, with plenty left over to pay off debt and #2 if he decided he really doesn't want to be married to me then I stand a chance of keeping my farm.

*Several boarders and students have volunteered to help feed but I haven't be able to cover all shifts and that's where he has come in. I should mention that chores are an hour or less at the moment because I make sure all feed is ready to go and that all he has to do is place the feed bags on and take them off.

*I didn't get my boobs done to leave him. I got my boobs done because they were deflated from nursing and had horrible stretchmarks. Now they are lovely boobies (although I'm not flaunting them everywhere) which I've been trying to share with him but he's been turning me down for sex. I'd also like to say that he gets a $20k motorcycle and I get a $6k boob job... some how I think he really got the top end of that deal 

*I have tried to find out my role in our problems but he has shut me out. I'm trying to get him to go to counseling with me or maybe consider some sort of medication. I've already been the psych and got some meds for my add and anxiety stuff and it's working out quite well. 


---I just posted to vent my frustrations because I can't do a darn thing about any of it.. I have to let him continue to do whatever he wants and treat me like crap until I can apply for the next opening in January. I can't let him take my home and my farm. Read the motorcycle thread.. he wants everything to stay the same except for me to move out and me some how run the barn at a reduced capacity which by the way would continue to build equity and put money in his pocket if he ever chose to sell it. It may sound stingy but either I get this place or neither of us do. I grew up here... my parents bought it for me and have said it before that they hope we stay married because they would be so disappointed if I lost the place (especially to him). I would be letting down so many people....

So I'm stuck.. (


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Ugh, I hate reading stories like this one. Your parents buy you this property and don't want you to lose to him if you divorce but you probably didn't have your husband sign a Quitclaim Deed. Did you have the property before or after you married him?


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## cashybum (Aug 16, 2012)

turnera said:


> cashy, has it occurred to you that you're part of the problem? Usually, if you're a sure thing for a job and you interview and don't get it, it means it's because of something YOU did that made them decide you're not right for it. Are you pushy? Expecting things? Critical? Putting other people down? There are a million ways you can turn people off. And it just might be contributing to your marriage problems as well. Which means if you leave THIS guy, there's a chance you will be just as unhappy with the next one. Maybe this is a good time to take a hard look at yourself. Ask people you know to tell you the truth - do you rub people the wrong way? Upset people? Turn them off?


I had all the hook ups.. we are even friends with one of the instructors! He gave us a list of interview questions they would ask and we went to lunch to go over my answers! I was a little nervous but not overly. The cruddy thing is they asked maybe 2 questions off the list he gave me. I have a few theories:

-4000 people apply and they interview 80 for 16 seats in the class.

- They were concerned about my horse business may interfere with my dedication to their company even though I told them why I'm wanting to "switch careers". Going from self employment to a huge corp may worry them.

- It was the last training class of the year, and they have 3 smaller remote offices in other states that they hire for and who gets hired is based of age seniority. Willingness to relocate is a requirement and I told them that if they relocated my husband as well I would be willing. This may have been an issue.

- They asked if I had been fired. I told them yes I had... long drawn out story that literally wasn't my fault at all. This was 8 years ago. My biggest regret is not calling my old company to "verify employment" to see what they would've said to see if it was even worth telling the story or not.

-They are huge into safety. They asked if I had any tickets on my record. I paused and really had to think. I didn't think so but then I remembered that I had an "overweight" ticket for hauling gravel. I'm a MORON and totally forgot to mention that the dealer registered the wrong weight on my truck and that I wasn't really over weight... I was safely with in the limits but was over the tag weight.


I just hope and pray that I get another chance. I will do whatever it takes.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

And.....you completely ignored the point of my post.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Your parents bought you a farm but somehow you can't afford it? I'm confused. Did you take out a mortgage on it?


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## IcePrincess28 (Aug 4, 2014)

Overhead of a horse barn is very expensive. It's far from self sufficient.


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## cashybum (Aug 16, 2012)

Sorry I abandoned my own post.. I've been riding this crazy emotional roller coaster for a while now and it's been all sorts of crazy.

When we started this, it was understood that it would take a good 10 years to where it would pay off big. When our building, tractor,skid steer, and other items were paid off in a couple more years we would be sitting very pretty. This is why most facilities are handed down and built upon in generations.. or they suddenly came into extreme wealth.

My parents owned the property. We built our stuff on it and then we bought it from them.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

You both need to seek some serious counseling.


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