# Should I give up?



## Jaclyn011 (Sep 18, 2016)

I've been married to my best friend for 20 years now. I learned he was only faithful 10 of those years and now I can't stand the sight of him. We have stayed together spite all the affairs because of our children and now I can't even think about being intimate with him without being physically sick. The affairs have stopped as far as I know and he has tried every way he can to make me happy but I can't even stand him to touch me. What's wrong with me? What can I do to love this man again? I have no desire to leave my marriage but I also have no desire to ever have a intimate relationship with him either. He is a wonderful father and provider. I am perfectly content with our relationship as it stands but I know it's only a matter of time before he goes some where else to get what he desires I won't give. I am lost at what to do about it. I want to have what we use to but all I can think of is him having sex with so many other women that I feel unattractive completely now. If he touches me I just bursting into tears. So lost and not sure if I can make it better. Just looking for advise from someone who was able to make it past the affairs and able to be intimate again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

How did you find out and how long have you known?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I do not blame you for feeling/reacting this way.

You need to talk this out with him, over and over.

Joint counseling? Works for some. 

He needs to atone for his flagrant disloyalty.

You need to let his past go.....or let him go. Most would do the latter.

Why won't you leave him?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*End it! It's obvious that he has no respect for you!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

You need marriage and individual counseling, you will not get over his affairs overnight it takes years if ever.

Staying with a cheater is a long long road many ups and downs, you say you do not plan on leaving then you need to get professional help and he needs to understand it will take years to get over.

I hate to say this, but if he knows you will not leave if he cheats again- guess what he is going to do!!!! He is what is called a serial cheater no remorse and will never stop, he does not know how to be monogamous.

If you want to live with all that uncertainty, then by all means stay in the marriage however I suggest you get tested for STD's and do it often since he can't be trusted.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

How many is so many? And has he told you why??


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## asdfjkl (Sep 26, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *End it! It's obvious that he has no respect for you!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is a pretty bold statement which I do not agree with. 

Back to the Topic.

You feel betrayed and your self esteem seems to have dropped pretty low in regars to your Body.

I agree with the others that this will need help from outside.

His infidelity is another issue. This will need lots of discussion (with councelling) to work out.

One Major issue: If you don't give him what he desires then the chanes are high that he will look for it somewhere. His past behaviour has not shown that he is content with fullfilling his secual needs alone. So it might be risky.

On the other extreme - since you value him as a provider and father and don't want to be intimate with him again but also don't want to leave him: An Option would be to let him sleep with other women. 
This would:
-solve your problem of being touched or feeling obliged to be intimate while not willing to do so
-fullfill his desire (I don't like to call it "need" because a person can always help him/herself)
-you keep the status quo in Terms of father provider and official status.

I know it is an extreme concept but it may help to point out all your options.

You need to search you true feelings and understand what you want.

Regards

asdfjkl


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