# Foreplay what does it mean to men vs.women?!?!?



## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Although I've been happily married for 17 years,with two kids, and frequent sex, there is still an issue with foreplay. I am very curious to know what, in general, men believe foreplay is and how long should it last?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

as long as it takes to get her worked up and often all the way to orgasm.....however its only about twice a month


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

taking my pants off


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

okeydokie said:


> as long as it takes to get her worked up and often all the way to orgasm.....however its only about twice a month


:smthumbup: Sounds good to me!!!!
 Really only twice a month?!?!? Is it mutually agreed upon or any physical problems?


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> taking my pants off


 But hey whatever works in your house!!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

2sick said:


> But hey whatever works in your house!!!



it was a joke


but in all seriousness, sometimes it's like this, my wife has been rather sexual since entering her dirty thirties and is often "ready" by merely suggesting we have sex


that isn't to say that I don't make out with her or have plenty of oral and caressing most of the time


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## Bad News (Nov 4, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> taking my pants off


In the popular words of "Dr. Phil", How's that working for you?


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## Bad News (Nov 4, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> it was a joke
> 
> that isn't to say that I don't make out with her or have plenty of oral and caressing most of the time


So if you were willing to devote 10 - 20min of oral on your wife, whould she consider that foreplay?


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## Wantsmore (Sep 13, 2011)

I like to use it get her started and take it all the way to orgasm for her. I like to have her satisfied then its my turn. Sometimes during she will have another and that is just a bonus.

Most of the time thought she is the one who just wants to go straight to it. I on the other hand like when it is fully warmed up down there.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Bad News said:


> So if you were willing to devote 10 - 20min of oral on your wife, whould she consider that foreplay?



well that's the thing, she doesn't need much priming currently, I give her oral because she has mind blowing orgasms when I do it. I guess we're lucky but if it wasn't like that I would do what ever she needs if it was needed to get her in the mood. BTW- we're both very playful throughout the day as it is, thus we sort of have foreplay constantly as it is. We either text each other sexy things, talk about the night before, smack her butt playfully, she pinches me, we kiss a lot, hug, hold hands, etc etc Our friends sometimes tell us to get a room we're so touchy at times.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Foreplay begins when you roll over an put your arms around her in the morning.

It ends when you pass out from exhaustion at night.

It's more a mental thing for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Bad News said:


> So if you were willing to devote 10 - 20min of oral on your wife, whould she consider that foreplay?


Not without the making out!!! lol Would you drive a car without turning it one?!?!? Just messing with ya!!!


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> it was a joke
> 
> 
> but in all seriousness, sometimes it's like this, my wife has been rather sexual since entering her dirty thirties and is often "ready" by merely suggesting we have sex
> ...


 PLENTY !!!!:smthumbup:


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

We are kind of reversed in this area. Although my wife enjoys it, she really does not need it for her to have an orgasm. She usually gets there pretty quickly (she will often finish before I do). I, on the other hand, could take hours at love-play. It could be anything like cuddling on the couch naked and watching a movie, watching home-made sex vids. One thing I love to do is give her an orgasm orally, then she will use her mouth and hands on me to slowly bring me close to orgasm by teasing me for a while. After that she will get on top, still teasing me very slowly. Finally, when I know she is ready for another one, I will suck her cute little tits and we will both explode in orgasm.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> well that's the thing, she doesn't need much priming currently, I give her oral because she has mind blowing orgasms when I do it. I guess we're lucky but if it wasn't like that I would do what ever she needs if it was needed to get her in the mood. BTW- we're both very playful throughout the day as it is, thus we sort of have foreplay constantly as it is. We either text each other sexy things, talk about the night before, smack her butt playfully, she pinches me, we kiss a lot, hug, hold hands, etc etc Our friends sometimes tell us to get a room we're so touchy at times.


TOOOO funny!!!! That is the reason why I posted!!!! h and I had a playful sext session, great conversation at dinner got home...he got his form of foreplay...c stroking, I waited a bit for some caressing...I stopped stroking and started kissing and caressing him to give the hint your turn... a separate issue regarding the tv ensued...then he proceed to go for oral...I laughed because it seemed like the fast forward button was pushed..he stopped and the romantic evening turned into a quickie for the h and frustration for me. Several hours later we talked and h stated that because of the sexting and the dinner that was enough priming. So long story longer that's the reason I was posting, to see if I'm just missing what men think foreplay is!!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well everyone is different and communicating what you need is important


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Wantsmore said:


> I like to use it get her started and take it all the way to orgasm for her. I like to have her satisfied then its my turn. Sometimes during she will have another and that is just a bonus.
> 
> Most of the time thought she is the one who just wants to go straight to it. I on the other hand like when it is fully warmed up down there.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: I guess it is not gender related just personality!!!


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## Bad News (Nov 4, 2010)

2sick said:


> ...then he proceed to go for oral...I laughed because it seemed like the fast forward button was pushed...


This is where men and women clearly have different expectations, if early in the love making stage my wife had an overwhelming desire to give me a BJ I would be thrilled (I think its happened sans overwhelming desire aspect). But laughing while he's going down on you, that's say's dude you've got no game.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> well that's the thing, she doesn't need much priming currently, I give her oral because she has mind blowing orgasms when I do it. I guess we're lucky but if it wasn't like that I would do what ever she needs if it was needed to get her in the mood. BTW- we're both very playful throughout the day as it is, thus we sort of have foreplay constantly as it is. We either text each other sexy things, talk about the night before, smack her butt playfully, she pinches me, we kiss a lot, hug, hold hands, etc etc Our friends sometimes tell us to get a room we're so touchy at times.


That is pretty much us too, although work and other responsibilities get in the way of that. Our days off together can be like this, but when we get away for a couple of days or a week (like on our 39th anniversary trip last summer) the whole day was foreplay! When we got back to the room we were tearing the clothes off of each other...sometimes we did not even make it back to the room. :smthumbup:


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Bad News said:


> This is where men and women clearly have different expectations, if early in the love making stage my wife had an overwhelming desire to give me a BJ I would be thrilled (I think its happened sans overwhelming desire aspect). But laughing while he's going down on you, that's say's dude you've got no game.


Like you said....men and women have different expectations....He seemed as disinterested in the caressing and kissing by just lying there ....soooo suppose it just that....differences of expectations!!! What do you deem foreplay and what duration of time do you deem suitable before advancing?


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

romantic_guy said:


> That is pretty much us too, although work and other responsibilities get in the way of that. Our days off together can be like this, but when we get away for a couple of days or a week (like on our 39th anniversary trip last summer) the whole day was foreplay! When we got back to the room we were tearing the clothes off of each other...sometimes we did not even make it back to the room. :smthumbup:


39 years!!!!!:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:
When we go away things are that way for us tooo. THAT'S why I know he knows what I like cause he does it SOOOOOOOO well!!!! I don't expect it everytime....we have quite a few of quickies...some sensual others...let's just say not!!!


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

2sick said:


> 39 years!!!!!:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:
> When we go away things are that way for us tooo. THAT'S why I know he knows what I like cause he does it SOOOOOOOO well!!!! I don't expect it everytime....we have quite a few of quickies...some sensual others...let's just say not!!!


Thanks!! Ah yes...the quickie. Sometimes that is all you can do. I'll take that over nothing...in fact, had to do that the other night. My wife is so awesome that way...she was exhausted and could have said no (I was the one trying to talk her out of it) but she really wanted to try...for me. She ended up not having an orgasm (which bothers me more than it does her) but we were still able to connect. I plan on making up for it this weekend.


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## studley (Oct 19, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> as long as it takes to get her worked up and often all the way to orgasm.....however its only about twice a month


That's the way it was for us. Maybe start kissing and a massage then to oral activities and usually manually bringing her to orgasm before we had intercourse. 

(Twice a month would be great at this point. We haven't had sex in almost 2 years)


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> well that's the thing, she doesn't need much priming currently, I give her oral because she has mind blowing orgasms when I do it. I guess we're lucky but if it wasn't like that I would do what ever she needs if it was needed to get her in the mood. BTW- we're both very playful throughout the day as it is, thus we sort of have foreplay constantly as it is. We either text each other sexy things, talk about the night before, smack her butt playfully, she pinches me, we kiss a lot, hug, hold hands, etc etc Our friends sometimes tell us to get a room we're so touchy at times.


BINGO! Foreplay for us right now starts with the good morning kiss, includes texts, phone calls, bjs in the car wash, holding hands, groping while I make dinner, snuggling on the couch during the football game, and there comes a point where I just can't take anymore "foreplay", we just need to get down to business. We get around to what I suppose is considered normal foreplay on the second go-round and usually start in the shower, almost always includes oral for both of us, sometimes toys, and whatever else we can think of to torture each other until one of us can't stand it anymore and takes control of the situation.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

I'mAllIn said:


> BINGO! Foreplay for us right now starts with the good morning kiss, includes texts, phone calls, bjs in the car wash, holding hands, groping while I make dinner, snuggling on the couch during the football game, and there comes a point where I just can't take anymore "foreplay", we just need to get down to business. We get around to what I suppose is considered normal foreplay on the second go-round and usually start in the shower, almost always includes oral for both of us, sometimes toys, and whatever else we can think of to torture each other until one of us can't stand it anymore and takes control of the situation.


 Sounds like fun!!! No kids?!?!? If so ya gotta let us in on the secret of how ya do all that with them around!!!:smthumbup:


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

romantic_guy said:


> I plan on making up for it this weekend.


And that's where you get your name!!!:lol:


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Foreplay = "Hold on to the headboard" 







Just kidding!!! :lol:


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I love foreplay giving and recieving.

flirting during the day
lots of kissing
caresses on the good spots and moving on to caressing on the great spots.
then some oral and maybe even a vibe or 2.


but when its my turn I get an attitude ..........the... do I have too or ok but not too long and its been killing my desire.Kinda hard to enjoy a halfass blow/hand job. Espically after I've spent 20-45 mins giving her pleasure.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I read an article about how for many men foreplay was often perceived to be at the time of the act of sex, and for many women foreplay was really a longer 'ramping up' and rather than an act of sex, it was more of a sexual 'event.'

I know everyone isn't like that, but I do fall into that kind of category where I kind of see things that happen between us in the hours before sex as being really important to me so the sexual event is satisfying to me.

After many years of learning together, my H and I just take each other in stride anymore. He understands my need to be connected with him throughout the day, and while there certainly are times where I can jump him out of the blue without any prior warm-up, a lot of the time I need/desire/crave him to talk to me, listen to me, and touch me affectionately to set the tone in place before we can go on to more intimate and sexual things.

My H has learned to be a consummate flirt with me throughout the day and it's just a part of our lives now. I have learned to be a lot more sexually open, adventurous, and titillating. It's very gratifying - I get what I need to get going, and he certainly gets what he needs - because we have been able to learn about what each of us needs and have both cared enough to try and satisfy them. But, it certainly did take us some amount of time to get to this point, and we're still learning everyday.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> I love foreplay giving and recieving.
> 
> flirting during the day
> lots of kissing
> ...


Yah, chilly that would really stink. 

My H and I have had some issues like this to work through before. For me, it was because I felt kind of disconnected from him and because I wasn't really being satisfied. This was when he really started to do the non-sexual touching and flirting with me AND he also started to really work me over more during sex and AFTER sex - he would hold me more, talk to me more, try and connect to me more then too. 

It just really took me a lot longer to get 'there' than it did him, and sometimes once I got 'there' I couldn't seem to muster up enough energy to help him along the way he would have liked. We do tend to do things more simultaneously now - rather than only one or the other taking the initiative during foreplay.

Don't know if any of that would help, just some thoughts from someone (a wife) who has been in a similar spot like your wife.

Best wishes.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> I love foreplay giving and recieving.
> 
> flirting during the day
> lots of kissing
> ...


I understand the frustration. You wonder why w won't respond to your needs as you respond to hers?!?!? If you haven't already, you should try to communicate that you enjoy bringing her pleasure but you also need a little reciprocity!!


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> I read an article about how for many men foreplay was often perceived to be at the time of the act of sex, and for many women foreplay was really a longer 'ramping up' and rather than an act of sex, it was more of a sexual 'event.'
> 
> I know everyone isn't like that, but I do fall into that kind of category where I kind of see things that happen between us in the hours before sex as being really important to me so the sexual event is satisfying to me.
> 
> ...


I always enjoy hearing your pov...it brings a sort of peace and common sense to a situation.... guess that's where you got your name too!!! With communication and give and take within the relationship, a marriage can truly be an enchanted union!!!


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

2sick said:


> Sounds like fun!!! No kids?!?!? If so ya gotta let us in on the secret of how ya do all that with them around!!!:smthumbup:


Two kids but 20 and 17. 20 year old is out on her own already and 17 year old has a job, friends etc. so not home much. We were always firm believers in not letting the kids spoil all the fun, we'd get babysitters or let my parents take the kids for a few days and really give each other 100% attention. I have to say though, nothing compares to Empty Nest Sex, honestly. No worries about getting pregnant or having to have the babysitter home on time or who sees or hears what. It's fantastic!


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I'mAllIn said:


> I have to say though, nothing compares to Empty Nest Sex, honestly. No worries about getting pregnant or having to have the babysitter home on time or who sees or hears what. It's fantastic!


MMMM You are SOOO right!!:smthumbup: Since our first child was born when my wife was 16 (I was 17) we had our three kids by the time we were in our early twenties. We have been empty nesters for 15 years. The best part is we are young enough to enjoy it. We can go do whatever whenever. We can go naked around the house, have sex anywhere, any time and my wife can have really loud orgasms and not be concerned who will hear (other than our next door neighbor perhaps).


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

romantic_guy said:


> MMMM You are SOOO right!!:smthumbup: Since our first child was born when my wife was 16 (I was 17) we had our three kids by the time we were in our early twenties. We have been empty nesters for 15 years. The best part is we are young enough to enjoy it. We can go do whatever whenever. We can go naked around the house, have sex anywhere, any time and my wife can have really loud orgasms and not be concerned who will hear (other than our next door neighbor perhaps).


:lol::iagree: We even moved out of town onto five acres last year, so we don't even have to worry about the neighbors hearing  Plus it's easier to satisfy my husband's affinity for sex outdoors. We spend a lot of time out on the deck.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I'mAllIn said:


> I have to say though, nothing compares to Empty Nest Sex, honestly. No worries about getting pregnant or having to have the babysitter home on time or who sees or hears what. It's fantastic!


I`m so jealous.

I`ve got a few more years until I experience Empty Nest Sex.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I'mAllIn said:


> :lol::iagree: We even moved out of town onto five acres last year, so we don't even have to worry about the neighbors hearing  Plus it's easier to satisfy my husband's affinity for sex outdoors. We spend a lot of time out on the deck.


I am so envious!!! We live in a downtown historic townhouse...which I love, but even with a privacy fence sex on our back patio is a bit tricky. She has to keep quiet and that is really hard for her to do! Sure is fun though.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, I can feel myself getting very envious about all of you empty nesters. My H and I are in our upper 40's, but the youngest is still only 7, oldest is only 16, so we have a ways to go. Consider yourself extremely blessed.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

When we first got together, I'd considered foreplay as the all-night sessions we'd have kissing, making out, oral, kinky games or role-playing before intercourse.

The other night we had a few hours of that kind of 'foreplay' but really, we often tend to get into things without that kind of warm up ......or so it seems. But truth of it is, the warm up has been happening gradually through-out the day. It's the flirtations, complimenting each other, showing respect, so that by the time we're ready to be intimate we're pretty much just at it if we want to be. Although I do still think it's important to take time to revel in, honor, and continue to explore each others bodies and responses; basically switch things up. 

It's in the continual displays of affection and often quietly intimate moments that is the constant foreplay in a relationship imo.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> taking my pants off


:rofl:

That's about it over here. LOL Nah, we take a few minutes to touch each other...but...we do 'foreplay' while there's penetration. Like a triathalon all at the same time. lollll


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

We have a name for it in our house "chore play".


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## TallJeff (Nov 1, 2011)

Im perhaps the odd guy that likes foreplay more than my wife and basically our foreplay often ends when she sayd "I want you inside me" for about the third time.

But I'm very oral and take so much pleasure in getting her off that way. I also just love feeling her and massaging her body.


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## cowgirl70 (Aug 10, 2011)

I love when my H gets the pan warm before throwing in the meat LOL!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Bad News said:


> So if you were willing to devote 10 - 20min of oral on your wife, whould she consider that foreplay?


10-20 minutes of oral would do nothing for me. lol I'd wonder when he'd get finished so we could have some fun. LOLLL


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Empty nest sex? LOL that's great. Although, we have a 12 year old and 3 year old and still go into the room to "talk". And at night when they sleep, they sleep like rocks. We don't sensor ourselves. lol. Hubs got the V 2 years ago so it's just awesome.

I was thinking about our foreplay, and I like doing things to him, but all I like from him is kissing....good, deep kisses. He likes to touch me and that's awesome too but my nipples are soooo damn sensitive, that it just hurts after a moment.


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## Bad News (Nov 4, 2010)

that_girl said:


> 10-20 minutes of oral would do nothing for me. lol I'd wonder when he'd get finished so we could have some fun. LOLLL


Does some fun refer to "straight up" intercourse or more/different foreplay?


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## Wantsmore (Sep 13, 2011)

10-20 min of oral seriously? I can have her squirting in less time. Twice if she wouldn't be so touchy after that. Hmmm, thats one I never thought I would hear.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Bad News said:


> Does some fun refer to "straight up" intercourse or more/different foreplay?


Just intercourse...well, and touching and kissing and stuff but we do it all at the same time.

We're into bondage so sometimes it involves putting the gear on. 

I'm not one for oral (for myself), although i LOVE giving oral to him.


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