# Wife confessed to sleeping with counsellor



## painedman (Sep 13, 2012)

Hi friends,
two years ago i took my wife to counselor to save our marriage but i noticed they were still talking with counselor after all that time.
I asked her why they were in communication she never told me anything so recently our relationship became so bad that i was going to leave her.

So recently we are going through a rough patch and i was leaving her she became depressed and had schizophrenia and in her hallucinations she told me a lot of truth that she slept with the counsellor 2 years back.

our problems started last year august when she faked a kidnapping so that she can steal money from me and i caught her..
Please advice because i cannot believe she slept with the counsellor


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

What kind of counselor is this ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

She just gave you another reason to leave her.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

If this is true report this slime ball.
He shouldn't be counseling anyone.

In Illinois, there is a department of financial and professional regulation where you report doctors bank fraud and so on.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I'm confused with this: 
"became depressed and had schizophrenia and in her hallucinations she told me a lot of truth that she slept with the counsellor 2 years back."

You can't just get schizophrenia, it's a lifetime condition that needs to be controlled also how do you now she was telling the truth as you said she was hallucinating. That's why I would like to know what kind of counselor this was. Seems to me that she needs a better evaluation by a psychiatrist.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rotorhead77 (Nov 7, 2013)

painedman said:


> our problems started last year august when she faked a kidnapping so that she can steal money from me and i caught her..


Uh... and you're worried about her sleeping with the counselor?

I'm the first person to suggest sticking it out and doing everything you can to make it work, but in this case...


Run for the hills!


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

You need a divorce now. 

Separate from her and do the 180.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

File a report with the state ethics board or local jurisdiction who oversees the licensing of mental health workers in your area. 

If he did sleep with your wife that is a HUGE ethics violation and the creep deserves to lose his license! 

AAAAAAAANNNNNND......

Go have a consult with a lawyer and sue the fvck out of that guy.


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## painedman (Sep 13, 2012)

thanks friends for ya advice i believe the issue of sleeping with the counsellor but i believe she is telling me this so I dont follow up with other men cant do anything to counsellor here in africa but i blame my wife not counsellor.

Recently because we are in africa and people here believe in witchcraft she approached a witchdoctor to save our marriage because she saw it was over.

Yes last year she had a financial issue and faked to be kidnapped so she could steal my cash.

She was a great wife and i was also not a good husband and slept around but she went overboard


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

painedman said:


> thanks friends for ya advice i believe the issue of sleeping with the counsellor but i believe she is telling me this so I dont follow up with other men cant do anything to counsellor here in africa but i blame my wife not counsellor.
> 
> Recently because we are in africa and people here believe in witchcraft she approached a witchdoctor to save our marriage because she saw it was over.
> 
> ...


Wow run!


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## painedman (Sep 13, 2012)

leave alone the others what about the cheating is that infidelity forgivable?.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

painedman said:


> leave alone the others what about the cheating is that infidelity forgivable?.


That is for you to decide but if you r, she needs consequences you can't rugsweep.


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

I'll wait for the movie


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

painedman said:


> leave alone the others what about the cheating is that infidelity forgivable?.


But you slept around too?

Why don't the two of you just call it a wrap and end it. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## painedman (Sep 13, 2012)

thanks the consequences i dumped her last year after faking the kidnapping and she decided to come back to me this year august thats when i found out that 2 years ago she had slept with the counsellor and because of stress she got schizophrenia now she is in psychiatric care


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

painedman said:


> leave alone the others what about the cheating is that infidelity forgivable?.


Was yours?

Equality for all means same standards and ethical code of behavior for everyone, both male and female.


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## painedman (Sep 13, 2012)

mine was so bad she caught me many times with condoms and also i had a kid outside our marriage 5 years back and she never left me


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

mablenc said:


> I'm confused with this:
> "became depressed and had schizophrenia and in her hallucinations she told me a lot of truth that she slept with the counsellor 2 years back."
> 
> You can't just get schizophrenia, it's a lifetime condition that needs to be controlled also how do you now she was telling the truth as you said she was hallucinating. That's why I would like to know what kind of counselor this was. Seems to me that she needs a better evaluation by a psychiatrist.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Actually you can. Most of the time schizophrenia will show up by the mid twenties, there is late onset and very late onset schirophrenia. Also stress and some other factors can bring it on later in life.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

If you want this marriage to work it will take a lot of work from both of you. And lead them witch doctors alone. My sister in law is from your area and witch doctors are not the way to go to save a marriage.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

CASE_Sensitive said:


> I'll wait for the movie


Me too neither!


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> Actually you can. Most of the time schizophrenia will show up by the mid twenties, there is late onset and very late onset schirophrenia. Also stress and some other factors can bring it on later in life.


True but she gets it when it is convenient to her.


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## painedman (Sep 13, 2012)

thanks friends its so sad since her last fake kidnapping she lost her job and was about to loose marriage and the schizophrenia is genetic from the mother's side.

I was just one month from dumping her when she became seriously sick and i thought she was faking it then the doctor examination confirmed she is schizophrenic now i feel bad leaving someone who is so sick and we have a daughter and leaving my 6 year old daughter with a schizophrenic patient as she cannot handle it


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

are for real?, i am sure you can sue the counsellor and make him lose his license, and as minimun you can ruin his reputation.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

you don't have the obligation to bear the burde, you have an obligation towrds your daughter, you can divorce her, file for full custody and when she gets better you can share custody again, as long as is confirmed she is taking tretament and takig pills


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## dontbeused (Nov 15, 2013)

painedman said:


> Hi friends,
> two years ago i took my wife to counselor to save our marriage but i noticed they were still talking with counselor after all that time.
> I asked her why they were in communication she never told me anything so recently our relationship became so bad that i was going to leave her.
> 
> ...


huh?:scratchhead:


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## dontbeused (Nov 15, 2013)

painedman said:


> mine was so bad she caught me many times with condoms and also i had a kid outside our marriage 5 years back and she never left me


Oh well in that case...proceed:scratchhead:


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

painedman said:


> yeah im for real unfortunately i am in africa suing doesnt work well here.my wife thought then i was so interested in saving the marriage so she wanted to sabotage my efforts thought i think she is just saying that but there could be a lot of relationships she is hiding
> Unless i get a hitman to get him.


No hit man. Please don't go there.

Her mental illness may or may not affect her being able to raise th child. Some mothers and fathers with this condition do OK in child raising. I have Veterans in counseling who spouses have this condition and they do OK. Other cases it is not wise to leave the child with a parent with this condition.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

kristin2349 said:


> Me too neither!


I think I agree with this. :smthumbup:


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

manticore said:


> are for real?, i am sure you can sue the counsellor and make him lose his license, and as minimun you can ruin his reputation.


I don't believe the man himself cares much about his own license in a place where people see witchdoctors for cures, both mentally and physically..


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

I believe mods can get one banned for "berating" a betrayed spouse..yet one can post about getting a hitman? Strange


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

painedman said:


> mine was so bad she caught me many times with condoms and also i had a kid outside our marriage 5 years back and she never left me


Do you not think that your rather egregious acts of gross infidelity might have triggered your wife's depression, rather than her affair with her 'counsellor?' :scratchhead:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

painedman said:


> yeah im for real unfortunately i am in africa suing doesnt work well here.my wife thought then i was so interested in saving the marriage so she wanted to sabotage my efforts thought i think she is just saying that but there could be a lot of relationships she is hiding
> Unless i get a hitman to get him.


:wtf::slap::redcard::nono:

No murder. No. Never. Not. No.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

painedman said:


> She was a great wife and i was also not a good husband and slept around but she went overboard





painedman said:


> mine was so bad she caught me many times with condoms and also i had a kid outside our marriage 5 years back and she never left me





tom67 said:


> That is for you to decide but if you r, she needs consequences you can't rugsweep.



I'm sorry, but what part of his post did you miss?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ha guys (TAM members) leave it to the mods....... OP may or may not need help, focus on the folks you want to help and leave it to the rest of us to take the risk and help this guy.



OP take care of your self and focus on you and your child.

And painedman............ leave it to the doctors.
Your old lady (wife) needs help you can't provide, so focus on your own emotional health.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

movin on said:


> Good grief
> 
> What a mess
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes it is and you forgot to add some helpful advise like " the best way to clean this mess up is to work on your own issues and take control of what you do have control over.

OP's chick need a pro and OP can't clean that up but he can clean up his own sh1t!!!

@movin on, I think you forgot to add that to your helpful reply.
So I hope I'm not stepping on your toes.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

painedman said:


> She was a great wife and *i was also not a good husband and slept around* but she went overboard





painedman said:


> mine was so bad she caught me many times with condoms and also i had a kid outside our marriage 5 years back and she never left me



Yes, your fault. You cheated on her. It is very difficult for a spouse to get over the cheating done by the other spouse.

She never got over it. She went downhill.

You are responsible. You need to take care of her. You need to pay your penance.

You need to show her you're remorseful of your adultery and your part in the breakdown of the marriage and her sanity. She needs to realize she should not had cheated in return; instead, she should had just left you.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

painedman said:


> thanks friends its so sad since her last fake kidnapping she lost her job and was about to loose marriage and the schizophrenia is genetic from the mother's side.
> 
> t


Her last fake kidnapping?? You are saying that she has faked a kidnapping more than once...


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

My SIL is from there. My BIL and SIL left Africa because of the AIDS epidemic. Witch doctors were saying if infected men had sex with a young virgin they would be cured. My SIL and BIL feared for their young daughter and left. There are reports of men having sex with babies.

So the OP's culture is somewhat different then ours. Promiscuity among men is fairly rampant. STDs including AIDs is very high.

Many doctors have left in droves mainly to Western countries. 

Treatment for mental illness is very lacking there as well.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

workindad said:


> Her last fake kidnapping?? You are saying that she has faked a kidnapping more than once...


She faked it so she could collect a ransom from the OP. It is a way to get money from the husband.


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## mtn.lioness (Oct 29, 2013)

Good luck OP... mental illness can be a tough one to cope with for some...


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## Yankee99 (Nov 4, 2013)

If this story is real, the malpractice lawyers should be falling over them selves trying to get to you.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Yankee99 said:


> If this story is real, the malpractice lawyers should be falling over them selves trying to get to you.


It won't happen where he is at in Africa. Different rules, laws, etc.

And I believe his story is real.

I worked with many cultures over the years. Been in several countries to include Africa. This story seems very real to me. Just the way the OP states his affairs. Very typical.


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## painedman (Sep 13, 2012)

thanks friends 
to clarify she had only done one fake kidnapping was last year
Our problems started in year 2008 when I got a kid outside wedlock
in 2010 we went for counselling and she had an affair with counselor and i came to find out about this a few weeks back.We separated middle of this year
My wife's schizophrenia started a few weeks back because she was so stressed because she had no job and i was leaving her and she had come back to me to try and make things workout but they were not working out.
she opted to try witchcraft to solve our marital problems but this did not workout


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

She can sue the witchdoctor for malpractice, I believe.

Neither of you is a prize. Fix yourself. She has to work on herself.

If you are remorseful, give her as soft a landing as possible so she can recover. You helped lead her into depression and such. 

However she also had very poor morals. In short order she used crime, cheating and witchcraft to try to manipulate you.

Why did you want to forgive again?


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## fallensoldier (May 6, 2012)

Rotorhead77 said:


> Uh... and you're worried about her sleeping with the counselor?
> 
> I'm the first person to suggest sticking it out and doing everything you can to make it work, but in this case...
> 
> ...


Was going to say the same thing. Your entire thread kept taking me by surprise until I got to this paragraph and I really dropped a jaw ...

Faked a kidnap for ransom ... Man, at this point I wouldn't care if she was sleeping w the entire universe. My main concern would be to run and never look back.


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## fallensoldier (May 6, 2012)

Wtf ... Just finished this thread and it just gets weirder and weirder ...

How did you manage to have a child out of wedlock w all the condoms that she was finding? :/

And "she decided to take YOU back" after you left her because of her fake kidnapping story??

And a hitman?? C'mon man, no, no, no! That's not the solution to your problems. Your marriage needs a whole lot more than unethical counselors and crazy witch whatevers ...


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm not sure what man up means in your country but that's what you need to do. All these problems stem from your cheating. The counselor abused your wife. It seems the men that are supposed to be protecting her are using and abusing her. Her schizophrenia wss triggered by your actions. Maybe in your country you just throw away your family when its convenient, people sometimes do it here also but then they are considered worthless dogs.


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## painedman (Sep 13, 2012)

Thanks friends i ****ed i know but leaving someone with Schizophrenia is something unthinkable.She is currently on medication and getting better.
I intend to get her back her health and make sure she has a job.
The issue of us being together is so hard but priority is getting her job and health back and my daughter to get a stable mother.

Whats ya advice on that?


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

This makes me think of that American Horror Story intro where the witch doctor stabs a voodoo doll with a needle.


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## painedman (Sep 13, 2012)

Coulditbeso , something like that it dont work but desparate times call for desparate measures


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

painedman said:


> Hi friends,
> two years ago i took my wife to counselor to save our marriage but i noticed they were still talking with counselor after all that time.
> I asked her why they were in communication she never told me anything so recently our relationship became so bad that i was going to leave her.
> 
> ...


You can report this counselor to his state licensing board for unethical inappropriate behavior. They will determine if it is true or part of her mental health issues.

Sorry you had to go through that. Your situation sounds painfully complicated.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

remorseful strayer said:


> You can report this counselor to his state licensing board for unethical inappropriate behavior. They will determine if it is true or part of her mental health issues.
> 
> Sorry you had to go through that. Your situation sounds painfully complicated.



Wrong country. Not USA.


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## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

I am confused - are you from Asia or Africa? You stated Africa in this thread and Asia in your other thread...


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## Working1 (Sep 28, 2013)

painedman said:


> Hi friends,
> two years ago i took my wife to counselor to save our marriage but i noticed they were still talking with counselor after all that time.
> I asked her why they were in communication she never told me anything so recently our relationship became so bad that i was going to leave her.
> 
> ...


I don't want to be negative, but I read your experience with this person and it seems like way more stuff to deal with then I would ever want to, faking a kidnapping? Schizophrenia?
I would choose to be with somebody who I could deal with, and this seems like a lot...


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Stay with our wife and help her. You are both to blame . The problem is men in africa think that it is ok to have sex outside of marriage but a wife cannot cheat . Also it is known that if you take a woman to a witchcraft he sleeps with then saying it is part of treatment. !!! If you are in africa you know this ! And you did not stopped her from going there . He cannot report this to anyone because they say in africa that only fools will go to witchcraft. And witchcraft to not have license . Stay with her and help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

aug said:


> Wrong country. Not USA.


Thank you for the head's up, Aug.

To the Topic originator, talk an attorney in your country about filing an ethics complaint or asking that an investigation be open to address your wife's charges.


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## painedman (Sep 13, 2012)

sad seeing my relationship goto waste and especially my wife becoming mentally sick.currently she is under medication and getting better and i have booked her to start counselling once she is feeling better.
I have no option but to see her get better and later deal with our relationship if there is anything left in it to save.I try to save because we have a child

@aerith I am in Africa


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

I think you can turn the counselor in for this. And even if you can't, I think you have a case for suing him to get all your counseling money back and maybe damages.

Not sure what your laws are, but I bet there is something that protects someone taking your money for therapy, then doing something to completely negate that therapy.

Its like fixing your car, charging you for it, then sticking an ice pick in the radiator.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

painedman said:


> i dumped her last year after faking the kidnapping and she decided to come back to me this year


She decided? Great Oden's Raven. Were you even consulted?

Friend, that was your mistake.


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## DoveEnigma13 (Oct 31, 2013)

LostViking said:


> File a report with the state ethics board or local jurisdiction who oversees the licensing of mental health workers in your area.
> 
> If he did sleep with your wife that is a HUGE ethics violation and the creep deserves to lose his license!
> 
> ...


Respect.

I wish the OM had something I could get from him, but now he has her to deal with. I chalk it up as a win.


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

Let me see if I understand you. You cheated on your wife with many different women. Your wife cheated on you with one man. And you want to know if you should divorce her for being unfaithful?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

painedman said:


> in her hallucinations she told me a lot of truth that she slept with the counsellor 2 years back.


She was hallucinating from the schizophrenia. 

Hallucinations aren't real so what she told you isn't necessarily true either.


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