# Considering Divorce



## curryb2 (Jul 25, 2007)

I have been considering divorce for several months now. I have talked to my husband many times about this. He get very upset and does not agree. We have been married now for almost 3 years and we dated for 4 years before that. I am scared to throw all that away and then realize I made the wrong decision. The issues I have with my husband and our marriage may seem minute to some people and not anything to divorce over, but they are important to me. Over the last 5 years that my husband I have lived together, these same issues have surfaced again and again. We discuss the problems and we both agree to change and respect each other more. Usually that last several months and then it happens again. About 3 months ago, these issues got on my mind again and I decided that I was finished trying. Now my husbands promises me that it will be different. He says that now he sees that it is coming down to this that he doesn't want to lose me. I am trying to get my heart back into this, but at this point I don't know if that is what I want. I don't have any respect for my husband. I am so scared that I will make the wrong decision. I need someone to talk to about this.


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## Kath3015 (Jul 29, 2007)

Only you can make the right decision for yourself. Don't second guess yourself. It might be good though to talk to a counselor and get some advice before going forth...I've been married for 25 years and over the past 7 or so I've thought about divorce. Hasn't happened, yet, but we are seeing a counselor...I know what you mean about the same issues surfacing again and again, that's my life...hang in there and keep us posted...


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## KAISER (May 29, 2007)

Sometimes us guys can be a little slow on picking up how serious the situation is.Make it absolutely clear to him that you will leave if things aren't going to change.It took my wife awhile to get through to me how serious the situation was.My moment came about two weeks before she left me.She said something that shocked me and was unmistakeable about her intentions to leave.I regret not taking this more seriously and getting us some counseling a long time before I did.She stated she didn't like who I was as a person anymore and I came to the realization that I wasn't sure I liked who I was anymore.I have been carrying around a lot of anger due to issues in my past.I am actually grateful to her for making me deal with these things which I have been running away from for way too long.


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

Curry,
I am not sure what these issues are, but it feels like your marriage means a lot to you. It also sounds like there may be other ways to approach your concerns with compromise, instead of total, sweeping change.

If you haven't seen a marriage counselor, it might be a good idea to try seeing one. You might find that your concerns can be dealt with in a way you had not considered.


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## KAISER (May 29, 2007)

Yeah,my marriage does mean a lot to me.If my wife would give us a second chance I would be willing to do whatever it takes to see if things could work.That includes counseling together and looking into some of my isssues with a therapist.Our relationship was just fine the first couple of years we were together.I couldn't have been happier.But the last couple of years have been very difficult for the both of us due to some life changing events such as family members passing away,and the company we both worked at went under. We both have been stressed and that sometimes was taken out on each other.If we both could learn to deal with issues in our marriage a little better I think we could work this out.


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## Xxaire (Sep 15, 2007)

I am considering separation from my SO (my faith only allows divorce if adultery has occurred). I am in a lot of pain and anguish because I REALLY want/wanted this to work, and to give up after I have spent so many years giving to this relationship feels like failure.

My H is verbally abusive and suffers from depression. But what its doing to me is tearing me down. I have to come to grips with the fact that I CAN'T change him, and no matter what I do, somethings will not change. I am considering leaving shortly, although it'd be better to wait another year or two (financially and for our education).

But, those reasons I'm staying aren't totally selfish; I secretly wish I'd get pregnant so that maybe things would change, but that would be stupid to have a baby to save a relationship; because I know it won't. We'll still end up separated, because I won't allow myself to be verbally abused in front of my children, then I'd ruin other people's lives. 

I apologize for this rant, but I haven't anyone to talk to.


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

Xxaire said:


> I am considering separation from my SO (my faith only allows divorce if adultery has occurred). I am in a lot of pain and anguish because I REALLY want/wanted this to work, and to give up after I have spent so many years giving to this relationship feels like failure.
> 
> My H is verbally abusive and suffers from depression. But what its doing to me is tearing me down. I have to come to grips with the fact that I CAN'T change him, and no matter what I do, somethings will not change. I am considering leaving shortly, although it'd be better to wait another year or two (financially and for our education).
> 
> ...


Your decision to stay remains your own, but you realize that your children still hear the abuse and see its affects.


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## Confused76 (Sep 17, 2007)

hi there: i feel like we are in the same boat. we have been married for almost 3 years. Our anniversary is one week from tomorrow and i have been unhappy for such a long time. We have a daughter together and have been together for 7 years, just like yourself. our daughter is 20 months old. i have 2 stepkids (17yr fem/15 male). my husband is 46, big difference, i am only 31. I have told my husband over and over again that I want anothe rchild and that his children are disrepectful to myself and him most of the times. I feel that it's the same argument over and over again.[/FONT][/FONT] i have gotten to the point where i cannot handle this anymore and am considering separation or Divorce......He just doesn't get it and now that i have really confronted him and told him that i am just not happy, he all of a sudden want s to change. we are going to try therapy, but i don't know how much it will help. so , i am just letting you know that you are not alone.


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## chocolateone (Sep 18, 2007)

If I wasn't reading this for the 2nd time, I would think I had written it myself. I too have been married for 3 years; with my husband for 4 and we're having some of the same issues. I kinda feel like you too, I fought so much in the beginning to make things work out for us that now I don't have the heart to fight anymore. And part of that is the fear of being let down..........................again. I guess that wasn't much help for you but neway--follow your heart and if your heart isn't there you probably shouldn't be there either!! (It would be wonderful if I could take my own advice, huh?)


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## justme880 (Sep 18, 2007)

I agree with everyone about seeking marriage counseling together with your husband. Exhaust all your options before considering divorce... communication and compromise, for example. How about going on vacation to clear your head and get a better perspective on things? Sometimes, the presence of your spouse can influence or cloud your judgment. Plus, absence makes the heart grow fonder (in most cases). Best of luck to you...


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## chocolat07 (Sep 21, 2007)

Marriage counseling is definitely something you may want to consider. I'm sure you've also communicated your thoughts and feelings to your hubby on numerous occasions. How about holding another heart-to-heart conversation with him. Good luck...


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## NvDisRose (Oct 6, 2007)

WOW, i feel the same way. I been with my husband for almost 6 yrs and married for two. We have a 4 yr old which makes things more complicated. But over 2 yrs, we have tried to work things out and i feel like i need out. I also came to realize that i no longer love him, but i stood with him because i was afraid to make the wrong decision. I am in the same boat with you.





curryb2 said:


> I have been considering divorce for several months now. I have talked to my husband many times about this. He get very upset and does not agree. We have been married now for almost 3 years and we dated for 4 years before that. I am scared to throw all that away and then realize I made the wrong decision. The issues I have with my husband and our marriage may seem minute to some people and not anything to divorce over, but they are important to me. Over the last 5 years that my husband I have lived together, these same issues have surfaced again and again. We discuss the problems and we both agree to change and respect each other more. Usually that last several months and then it happens again. About 3 months ago, these issues got on my mind again and I decided that I was finished trying. Now my husbands promises me that it will be different. He says that now he sees that it is coming down to this that he doesn't want to lose me. I am trying to get my heart back into this, but at this point I don't know if that is what I want. I don't have any respect for my husband. I am so scared that I will make the wrong decision. I need someone to talk to about this.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I guess that it depends mostly on the situation.

Did he cheat on you one time in the past and you still can not forgive him?

Does he keep cheating aways to promise change?

Does he refuse to hold a steady job?

Does he have an addiction (alcohol, drugs, porn, Internet)?

Does he not do enough around the house?

All would be looked at in a very different way. Of course it is hard to say exactly why you might not want to be in it anymore but to give advice on something vague is to get vague advice. If you are unwilling to go indepth I'd say talk to a professional and go with your heart.

draconis


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

curryb2 said:


> I have been considering divorce for several months now. I have talked to my husband many times about this. He get very upset and does not agree. We have been married now for almost 3 years and we dated for 4 years before that. I am scared to throw all that away and then realize I made the wrong decision. The issues I have with my husband and our marriage may seem minute to some people and not anything to divorce over, but they are important to me. Over the last 5 years that my husband I have lived together, these same issues have surfaced again and again. We discuss the problems and we both agree to change and respect each other more. Usually that last several months and then it happens again. About 3 months ago, these issues got on my mind again and I decided that I was finished trying. Now my husbands promises me that it will be different. He says that now he sees that it is coming down to this that he doesn't want to lose me. I am trying to get my heart back into this, but at this point I don't know if that is what I want. * I don't have any respect for my husband.* I am so scared that I will make the wrong decision. I need someone to talk to about this.



The part in bold says it all - Divorce


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This thread is from 2007... it's a zombie thread. The OP is not coming back to read what's posted to her.


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