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## adhdashell (Jun 30, 2021)

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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

to me he is trying to do the best he can , you have another guy living with you does he pay his way , the part about he making a plan to repay her is right and comes first , the part about her not liking the other person living with you she has a point she is helping you 2 and he is living off you , other than that I don't know what to say , with the info you have given


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## boonez40 (Jun 11, 2021)

adhdashell said:


> So, my partner has a friend, a female friend, they do business together, he sort of works for her but it's not professional work.
> 
> She's somewhat successful but often will express opinions bluntly when not asked (which is obviously fine, I can even respect her confidence and ability to express herself)
> 
> ...


And there it is, you are pregnant.

Chill out and breath. Relax a little.

Then ask him if you can have a 3 some with her. I would do it while he is on the phone with her.

If he says yes, there is your answer. If he says no, then tell him to stop ear ****ing her, hang up the phone and spend some attention on you and the baby in your belly.

I talked to my son all the time when my wife was pregnant.

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## adhdashell (Jun 30, 2021)

boonez40 said:


> And there it is, you are pregnant.
> 
> Chill out and breath. Relax a little.
> 
> ...


If it wasn't the often texting and the ignoring me while texting her, it wouldn't feel as bad but with everything combined, I guess I'm overreacting. It's also the feeling of another woman making decisions for us and the feeling that my opinions and what I think aren't as important and that he thinks she's smarter or that I don't know how to live so he doesn't value my thoughts.

I am also pretty insecure and have struggled with this literally all my life so I guess there is that. 

Honestly I was thinking that maybe I was just being hormonal but have been used to having my feelings and emotions completely invalidated and disregarded and just made to be me " being hormonal " before in previous pregnancies and these were issues that involved cheating and abuse (this was an ex, not my current partner). 

So if this is all just me being hormonal, well that's embarrassing. It pains me that being pregnant has a way of changing hormones and so many other things. I haven't felt normal or like myself since I got pregnant and it feels foreign to me. I don't like it. 

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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

adhdashell said:


> I guess I'm overreacting. It's also the feeling of another woman making decisions for us and the feeling that my opinions and what I think aren't as important and that he thinks she's smarter or that I don't know how to live so he doesn't value my thoughts.


You aren't overreacting. I'd be livid and I am not sure I could refrain from physical violence. It does seem his primary partnership is with her and you're the companion/incubator. Were it me I'd give him ONE chance to save the relationship. Either she goes or I do. His choice. And I'd mean it.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

This arrangement is not normal. You are right to be concerned by it.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

No, you aren't wrong. This isn't right. Please don't let anyone tell you you are overreacting. You are not.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

adhdashell said:


> I am also pretty insecure and have struggled with this literally all my life so I guess there is that.



Honey, your insecurity is not making you overreact. Rather, your insecurity is what is causing you to second guess your very normal and natural reaction to being pushed into a third-wheel role in your own marriage. Your insecurity is what's leading you to tolerate a situation that is neither normal nor tolerable, while you fret about being irrational and overreacting.

At a guess I'd say that it's also your insecurity that is causing you to keep picking men who treat you badly then sticking around for them to treat you badly some more.

Find a good therapist. Have them help you work on building healthy self-esteem and on creating and enforcing healthy personal boundaries. Once you have that mastered, you won't keep finding yourself putting up with this sort of blatant disrespect.


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## Elijah220 (Jun 26, 2021)

boonez40 said:


> And there it is, you are pregnant.
> 
> Chill out and breath. Relax a little.
> 
> ...


Seriously?🙄🙄🙄


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## boonez40 (Jun 11, 2021)

Elijah220 said:


> Seriously?


Well no , but it would be funny. 
I think 

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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Trust your gut. It is telling you something. It appears by all measures your significant other is married to the OW. He needs to get back in his lane.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

This is sad. A married man that is ***** whipped by someone other than his wife.


@adhdashell I think your husband needs an ultimatum, you or this other woman, even if it mean he has to get another job.


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## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

He is emotionally attached to her - this is an emotional affair. He has no business sharing financial or any other information with someone other than you. You should also have equal say. I suspect he will leave you for her at some point after the baby comes. Be prepared


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I can't tell which person the guy is married to.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

There are three people in your marriage and it's a bit crowded.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> I can't tell which person the guy is married to.


Neither can the OPs husband. He needs to be told.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I mean, she said "Partner", which made me wonder if they were married yet. For all we know, this other person is a bigger part of his life and the OP is his side chick that he knocked up.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I wouldn’t even use the word “affair” here. He is basically living two lives with two women. 

OP needs to decide if she wants to be part of a harem or not.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

This is wholly unacceptable behavior. As partners, you decide things together and thats that. Another female is directing your husband's life and by proxy, yours.... seriously?

This has me wondering about EA...

Then there's Gus's formula: EA + physical proximity = PA.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Why are you allowing this? Where is it written that you have to take this?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

you husband has put his trust in this woman , she seems to think he is doing good , and she see you kindness is been taken a bit by the 4th wheel in your relationship , 
The important thing to understand is that your partner is allowed to have friends and hobbies outside of your relationship. You don’t have to do everything together. Having said that, how you go about addressing the third wheel situation will depend on who’s involved, the relationships, and the frequency.

Communication is key. Ask your HUSBAND if they would rather do x with you than go see his other ( mother figure , friend ) 
there is no chance that he might have feelings for this woman or is she just a mother figure , 
what has she missing in her life that she has the time or wants to impose so much , help so much 
could she be wanting him more than he knows , she might even want a toy boy is he young and much younger than her 


you seem to have to many people in your marriage it is ok to get help and give help but one can let them self open when excepting help and you are allso help there other person even though you can't take in everyone you have to be ready to cut out the extra people and make way for the child


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## adhdashell (Jun 30, 2021)

Marc878 said:


> Why are you allowing this? Where is it written that you have to take this?


* shrugs * 

Due to other issues and several factors, especially with how tonight has been going, I'm pretty sure I'm done with him. I can't even look at him without feeling disgust and anger. 

And it's not just about the issues mentioned above. There's been so much more at play that I've just had to take while I incubate. And I'm sorry but no thanks. I didn't sign up to be completely miserable.

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## Shhhtfu (Aug 25, 2021)

Wow; so I just read this entire thread; & I decided to reply. Why? 

Because

I AM HER BOYFRIEND SHE IS POSTING ABOUT.

With that said; I now will get to what I have to say about all that.

FIRST of all; before I get to explaining about this woman I was having to answer to. You've gotta understand, I am a DRUG DEALER. I always was and always have been. The OP knew very damn well what type of lifestyle she was getting into before dating me. Back then this woman she's insecure about, was my boss's boss... and what happened was my boss ****ed up and owed 14k and got fired.... she came to me afterwards in an attempt to have me take the leadership role & then I ****ed up and owed her 2k so in order to be able to still keep working etc; I was to disclose to her my financial situations. There's never been anything other than business with her. Anyways not only that; but the OP, this girl im dating... will not talk to me about anything I ask her what's wrong all the time. And some times I will know what's wrong and most times I won't because I am not a ****ing mind reader. I've bent over backwards for my girlfriend, got her anything she ever asked for and more. I've never cheated on her not even once even after she cheated on me on multiple occasions with my supposed to be best friend who is in question & in possibility of being the actual biological father of this child she has been impregnated with... she's on many occasions lied to me claiming she's going to see her mom and will be back in a couple of hours only to not come back home for days at a time (sometimes up to an entire week later) & I find out she was with him the entire time... and this was the person even after all of what i just said previous I STILL tried to make it work and I STILL tried to work it out with my best friend and still let him live with us in our 2 bedroom apartment & trusted them two being alone with each other on different occasions.... and what have I got in return? Nothing but jealousy. Accusations. Etc. When I've never shown her any signs of disloyalty.

*I am appalled reading this post. *

your insecure that I had to talk to my boss about our financial life?I'd be more insecure about the fact this woman is an H.A member and is threatening our very lives over that debt. So excuuuuuse me for trying to protect us from someone of that level to be concerned about.

Why don't you talk to me about this **** instead of posting it all over social media anonymously only for me to find it later like seriously. 

Bye
-her boyfriend


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Shhhtfu said:


> Wow; so I just read this entire thread; & I decided to reply. Why?
> 
> Because
> 
> ...


And now for the rest of the story, lol.

That is a plot twist I never saw coming


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

As we listen to the pin drop.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Lol, now she tried to delete her first post, not realizing it still shows up in quoted posts.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

I have to wonder how he found the thread.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

And apparently an innocent baby will soon join this situation?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Shhhtfu said:


> Wow; so I just read this entire thread; & I decided to reply. Why?
> 
> Because
> 
> ...


Who is the other person who created an account at the same time you did? Is that your drug dealer 'boss'?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Openminded said:


> And apparently an innocent baby will soon join this situation?


Sucks, huh?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Sfort said:


> I have to wonder how he found the thread.


 PC HISTORY OR EMAIL


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Just goes to show you that many or even most of the stories we read here are very skewed. 

It's not that the person starting the thread is intentionally being dishonest or fabricating the entire thing. Of course that happens, but I'm referring to situations such as this, which, assuming it's real, is a prime example of how one person's reality may differ significantly from the truth.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Trident said:


> Just goes to show you that many or even most of the stories we read here are very skewed.
> 
> It's not that the person starting the thread is intentionally being dishonest or fabricating the entire thing. Of course that happens, but I'm referring to situations such as this, which, assuming it's real, is a prime example of how one person's reality may differ significantly from the truth.


This is SO true...I was about to post the same thing!


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