# Ladies HELP Be a strong manly man that talks about his feelings?



## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Arent these mutually exclusive? 

What is it exactly that you want? 

How can a man be both? 

Perhaps you need a gay man for a pal and a straight man to fix the car and fulfill your desire? 

Im just playin' around but its a perplexing but common concept dont you think?


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## Triumph (Oct 8, 2011)

YupItsMe said:


> Arent these mutually exclusive?


*Nope.*



YupItsMe said:


> What is it exactly that you want?


*For you to stop trying to be what they want.*



YupItsMe said:


> How can a man be both?


*By redfining your stereotypical view of men.*



YupItsMe said:


> Perhaps you need a gay man for a pal and a straight man to fix the car and fulfill your desire?


* Assuming gay men cant fix cars, and straight men cant be friends, then yes. * 



YupItsMe said:


> Im just playin' around but its a perplexing but common concept dont you think?


*Im just playin' around too, and yes, its an extremely common misconception driven by the stereotypes that are the Main Stream Media.

Bottom Line: By trying to understand women, and to make yourself what women want, you are actually furthering yourself from the goal. 

Stop trying to please women, to please women.*


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Google "married man sex life blog" .

It's Athol Kay's site it'll tell you how to do both
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Triumph said:


> By trying to understand women, and to make yourself what women want, you are actually furthering yourself from the goal. Stop trying to please women, to please women.[/b]


Why thank you lovely lady. Who the **** said I was trying to do anything? JK


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

I don't know, I'm beginning to wonder if some men just don't get those warm, fuzzy, lovey-dovey feelings like women do that make you want to touch and feel and cherish and... I don't understand how you can sit next to your significant other on the couch and not reach out to hold her hand or rub her back or just make some kind of contact. I guess a lot of men have trouble with that kind of "connection".

I ain't playin'


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I think the more Beta a man is, (generally) the more "emotional" he IS with women, but most women chase the magnificent Alphas who are full of ambition, overwhelming confidence , Manliness and many times themselves--and simply don't treat women as good, sometimes like dirt -depending. Every man needs a mixture of BOTH Alpha and Beta traits, and weeding out the unfavorable of each at the same time. If you did a Google search on Beta males, you will quickly get bombarded with how weak & pathetic they are, like how can they possibly call themselves a man! Here is one such example TRAITS OF A BETA MALE » DC Bachelor


I say ...NOT SO FAST, the whole story is not being portrayed! 

Here is a thread on Alpha vs Beta traits in men http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/24018-beta-v-alpha.html

My husband is tipped more on the Beta scale than Alpha, but I prefer that type of man. 

I , however, am in the minority of women, cause most of them get bored with their more Beta husbands. He is far from Gay. He is very affectionate, Sex to him is more about the emotional connection than getting off. My pleasure is more important to him than his own. 

I read somewhere recently that SEX for men is .....70% is physical and 30% emotional......, I wouldn't have a doubt in my mind that is true for the Aphas- but not my husband. I just asked him this question this very morning .... he said it would be the opposite for him.

I have never in my life had trouble getting him to talk , open up, be emotional, show affection. Affection is what he craves the most from ME. I love that! I woudn't trade it for anything!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Another great link here -with some posts breaking this down >>>

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/23220-definitive-alpha-beta-thread.html


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

My husband has learned to express more of his feelings and thoughts with me but he is also very masculine to me, so no, the two are not mutually exclusive in my world. 

Granted, he may share in shorter, more succinct ways than I do (I like to discuss issues at lenbth sometimes, surprise surprise!), but he's still sharing. 

Trust is necessary for sharing. Many couples struggle with this.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

No thanks. Then she'll start complaining I'm a wuss.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Believe me, it takes way more manly strength to openly and directly share my feelings than it does to play tackle football or swim in the Atlantic or even fix the car for that matter. Especially since my wife has traditionally reacted with abusive rage whenever I shared anything she didn't like. I don't think she is really interested in manly actions or shared feelings but like it or not this is what you get when you're a married woman.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Never volunteer any information you're not comfortable being used as a weapon against you some day.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

stillme4you said:


> I don't understand how you can sit next to your significant other on the couch and not reach out to hold her hand or rub her back or just make some kind of contact. I guess a lot of men have trouble with that kind of "connection".


A lot of women too.

(And for everyone who's gonna tell me to communicate with her and get in touch with my feelings, man-up, read this book or that book etc etc . . . thank you in advance. It's just a comment.)



Ten_year_hubby said:


> Especially since my wife has traditionally reacted with abusive rage whenever I shared anything she didn't like.


Abusive rage or cold war... which is worse? Ah, perhaps for another thread.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

stillme4you said:


> I don't understand how you can sit next to your significant other on the couch and not reach out to hold her hand or rub her back or just make some kind of contact.


No means no. Times 15,000. Even a monkey in a Skinner box will stop tapping the pellet dispenser if nothing comes out.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> There is nothing stronger than a man who is willing to be vulnerable.


I'm not buying this one. Vulnerable: capable of or suceptible to being wounded or hurt; open to attack. 

This is strength? Perhaps in a sensitive, new-age kinda way.

Now, if you're talking about handcuffs, etc - that's a different matter and there's currently a thread running about this (and more  in the men's forum. Vote in the poll if you like.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> OK, I'll go vote in the poll after this response.
> 
> I think it can take a lot of strength for a man (in particular) to admit he is upset, hurt, to cry and express emotions - in the face of being conditioned not to do this. It takes courage to be yourself and have the confidence to know it is ok to express emotion. This presupposes that the man is doing this expressing appropriately and with a *safe person*. Vulnerable doesn't mean opening oneself to attack - it's taking the risk to share what is going on inside. *You make this sound mutually exclusive - which is a big assumption broadly speaking*


You mention a 'safe person'. I think we're disagreeing on what we define as 'vulnerable'. I feel safe sharing most anything with my therapist - he has proven to be fair, unbiased and non-judgemental/critical (in a therapisty-way). I do not feel vulnerable. 

As others have said, certain things I share with my wife will be judged, there will be consequences (her reaction) and there is a substantial track record of what I say will, for sure, be used against me. I feel 'vulnerable' about saying these things to her. This is not strength, it's stupidity.

How's that poll?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jayde said:


> As others have said, certain things I share with my wife will be judged, there will be consequences (her reaction) and there is a substantial track record of what I say will, for sure, be used against me. I feel 'vulnerable' about saying these things to her. This is not strength, it's stupidity.


And IN this situation , I agree with you, YOUR WIFE is the irritant -she is infact destroying something beautiful by choosing to wound after the fact. She has not learned how to forgive and let go of past hurts. No body wants to throw thier pearls before Swine. I did a thread on this subject......please take 20 minutes of your time & watch the video clip of this woman who studied this thing called Vulnerability more than any other -for YEARS and the conclusions she came too.... she faught against it -in fact, feeling being vulnerable was nothing more than WEAKNESS , she wanted to smash it ....but something was just not right ... 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...r-its-pain-its-beauty-how-vulnerable-you.html 

I was never the type to throw anything back in someone's face if they opened up to me though.... I look upon that as an honor. Humility is a beautiful thing . 

People who do this are shooting thier own relationships into the ground -where otherwise happiness may be thier daily cup. What a shame. 

I hope your wife gets the help She needs, it could enhance your marraige in so many ways.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

Not sure if this is off-topic or not . . . The other thing that I think is worth mentioning on this is for ladies (and gentlemen) be careful what you ask for. I say this a tad toungue in cheek, but there have been a number of threads recently that warrant this comment. If one person in a marraige starts to really share feelings and emotions (or manning-up), and this is something new, this will surely change the dynamics of that marriage - hopefully for better. But it will be better, _only_ if the other person is also willing to change, adapt, grow as well. In the case of my marriage, once I started saying everything on my mind, and at the same time, confronting my wife with my fears of retaliation and things coming back to bite me, this changed the dynamic considerably (and in doing so, effectively 'disarming' her in my mind). It forced ownership of feelings, emotions and all sorts of layers of subtext and actions - on both sides. If you feel it, say it. If you don't mean it, don't say it. If you say it, own it. It was hugely uncomfortable for both of us and fortunately she was willing to go with it (and continues to) even though this is still new and uncharted territory. 

And, I better be ready to get it right back from her!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Only time I'm fully comfortable with talking about lovey doveys is after a big fight ending with the missus emptying out my ballsacs. Other times it's the usual...
Her: "I love you!"
Me: "I love me too!"

But that's just my idea of lovey dovey, I enjoy the banter. There's a time and place for heartfelt talks in my opinion, and a time and place for just having fun and cracking up.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jayde said:


> In the case of my marriage, once I started saying everything on my mind, and at the same time, confronting my wife with my fears of retaliation and things coming back to bite me, this changed the dynamic considerably (and in doing so, effectively 'disarming' her in my mind). It forced ownership of feelings, emotions and all sorts of layers of subtext and actions - on both sides.


 Good for you!



> If you feel it, say it. If you don't mean it, don't say it. If you say it, own it.


 I respect this -even if I wouldn't like it ! Once I was getting bi*chy with my husband, rushing on Thanksgiving morning to get the house in order before his family showed up, needed him to run the vaccum & help me, he told me I could do it myself (it was my attitude)--and I realized immeidately he stood up to me - I went and kissed him! I deserved that in return. 



> It was hugely uncomfortable for both of us and fortunately she was willing to go with it (and continues to) even though this is still new and uncharted territory.


 Sounds like you are making good progress to me! 



> And, I better be ready to get it right back from her!


But that is all the fun....sometimes.


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