# Sensitive clit?



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Looking for some insight on something I've dealt with in the past.

My ex wife could not handle direct stimulation on her clitoris, especially by me (oral or manual), as it would cause her pain or discomfort. She was like this for the decade and a half we were together. As she was not orgasmic via PIV, you can imagine we didn't have that great of a sex life. But, she still wanted it, and would initiate a good chunk of the time.

I don't recall her ever trying anything that numbed the sensitivity, like a cream or anything, unfortunately. She would also reach clitoral orgasm with the use of a vibrator, but she wouldn't place it directly on her clit, rather in the folds of the labia.

My question is - is this a not-uncommon thing amongst women? For those of you who may have something similar, what do you do, sexually (particularly if you're not PIV orgasmic)? Can it/does it go away?

We made do for all those years, but it was clear she was not satisfied. On more than one occasion, she turned down sex, only to masturbate within a short period of time afterwards. Yet she also still initiated sex fairly regularly, too.

Lastly (and this will go down a rabbit hole, I'm sure), she did have at least one PA, and probably 2 or 3 TBH, when we were together. She's also since remarried. I guess I'm wondering how she's maintained a decent sex life (she also couldn't do oral, due to TMJ, lockjaw. Real, I saw it firsthand numerous times)

I'm not sitting here hoping she doesn't have a good sex life, or anything like that - I'm genuinely curious as to how those of you women who may experience something similar get by, and/or maintain a mutually satisfying sex life with your partner(s). From my experience with her, her limitations did not exactly provide me with a satisfying sex life, either.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I would say mine is sensitive. My husband just learned (from me) where to put his tongue and at what pressure. For me, light pressure was always best. As for a finger... it would hurt so bad if you put it directly on my clit. For me it feels better to put your finger right next to it, so your still touching it but not directly on it. And after I have an orgasm there is no way you could touch it because it's super sensitive. However because of this sensitivity I orgasm pretty easy.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

katiecrna said:


> I would say mine is sensitive. My husband just learned (from me) where to put his tongue and at what pressure. For me, light pressure was always best. As for a finger... it would hurt so bad if you put it directly on my clit. For me it feels better to put your finger right next to it, so your still touching it but not directly on it. And after I have an orgasm there is no way you could touch it because it's super sensitive. However because of this sensitivity I orgasm pretty easy.


Okay, cool. I think hers was probably more sensitive than what you're describing, as nothing could touch it directly, including her own fingers. We tried the 'light touching', but it was the same thing. Same with touching next to it - the fear of my finger or tongue (or whatever) hitting it wouldn't allow her to relax and let go.

I do think some of it was somewhat mental, however. Not that it didn't hurt her, more that the thought of accidentally touching it too hard, or at all, would cause her to want to stay away from it altogether. Using a vibrator on herself allowed her to monitor pressure, speed etc.

I just wonder how common this is, and what women who have this issue do to enjoy sex. I know orgasms aren't always the be-all, end-all, but still.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

The clit is a small bundle of nerve fibers, in one small concentrated area. It's way more sensitive than the head of the penis. I think it's very common.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I think it is great that you took the time to tell your husband exactly the way you wanted him to do it. Many women are too bashful or prudish to do this. Then they complain about how there husband's don't know how to please them Thank you for not being one of those women.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I am a strong feminist women. I always joke and say "feminist do it better." 
I don't have a perfect body, not even close. But I am not shy at all. This is my body and I love it, I have to Bc it's the only one I have. I love sex, I love to orgasm. When I have sex, I do it with the expectation to orgasm. To me... that's the point. (Sorry if that makes people mad but sex without an orgasm sucks). I believe that no means no, and more importantly I believe yes means yes. If I don't want to have sex with you I won't. I don't believe in dutiful sex. When I want to have sex... I want to have sex. When I say yes, I want to have sex. When I have sex I'm in it to win it... not to sit their and not enjoy myself. That's the way I am. Some people think this is selfish. But if I am going to have sex... I do it for a reason, because I want to have an orgasm. It's the best feeling and stress reliever in the world. When my husband finishes before me, he knows that he has to finish me off. That's the way I have always been since day one. I set the standard... if you cum, then I have to cum.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Of the women I've had sex with (20), only one was that sensitive. She had a very small clit and any direct stimulation was too much. But licking or gently rubbing the shaft of her clit or just around it was what she needed to O. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Remember, the clitoris is not just the tiny button, it is a horseshoe shaped organ. I cannot tolerate any direct touching of the tip of my clitoris. Pressure in the folds, or above is fine. You are still stimulating the clit!

I orgasm from piv, so that is not a problem. 

Never understood vibrators, the thought of one of those things touching my button makes my whole body clench.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

The thought of my clit getting touched directly on it makes me shudder... just the thought!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

TX-SC said:


> Of the women I've had sex with (20), only one was that sensitive. She had a very small clit and any direct stimulation was too much. But licking or gently rubbing the shaft of her clit or just around it was what she needed to O.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


My ex wife also had a very small clit, FWIW. Probably no correlation, though.

She was obviously able to orgasm from stimulation around the area, but she never really let me do it. I suppose because she wasn't in control, and as I said before, just her knowing the possibility existed of me accidentally making direct contact would cause the whole thing to not be enjoyable. I have sensitive areas around my lower back, so when I know somebody may touch it (like during a massage) I tense up.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Giro flee said:


> Remember, the clitoris is not just the tiny button, it is a horseshoe shaped organ. I cannot tolerate any direct touching of the tip of my clitoris. Pressure in the folds, or above is fine. You are still stimulating the clit!
> 
> I orgasm from piv, so that is not a problem.
> 
> Never understood vibrators, the thought of one of those things touching my button makes my whole body clench.


Well, it's because you are using a machine to do what a man's tongue is supposed to do. :grin2:


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Well, it's because you are using a machine to do what a man's tongue is supposed to do. :grin2:


Nobody's tongue is touching my button either! Seriously, no direct touching, ever😮 Oral does nothing for me, direct touching is painful and the tongue isn't really all that useful for applying indirect pressure near the button which I intensely enjoy.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Yes, it's common. I like oral but if my fiance uses his fingers, I typically like to be touched over my underwear, or sheets. I don't like for him to directly touch me there. I don't even directly touch there when I ....

So, there you go. It's common.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Giro flee said:


> Nobody's tongue is touching my button either! Seriously, no direct touching, ever😮 Oral does nothing for me, direct touching is painful and the tongue isn't really all that useful for applying indirect pressure near the button which I intensely enjoy.


Every woman is different, which is why a woman should never be afraid to tell her partner how she likes to be stimulated. What works for one woman is poison for another. I had to learn that the hard way.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

My wife tends to favor a more direct approach and can take a Hitachi applied directly to the tip of her clit. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

I've always been very sensitive also, but not to the point of pain.

In my case I need a firmer touch, anything light or teasing just tickles and is unbearable. Firm pressure, particularly around the clit.... or sucking as opposed to light flicks of the tongue during oral are much more effective for me. 

Related or not, I don't think I've ever climaxed from PIV alone... always need som clitoral stimulation as well.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> My wife tends to favor a more direct approach and can take a Hitachi applied directly to the tip of her clit.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


My entire body just clenched! 😮😬

Think I'm in the minority due to the abundance of vibrators and oral sex enthusiasts.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Giro flee said:


> My entire body just clenched! 😮😬
> 
> Think I'm in the minority due to the abundance of vibrators and oral sex enthusiasts.


By the same token, she also had two children with no injections and never felt her contractions. She was at one time hooked to a machine and the technician was saying, "right now you are having a huge contraction." she said she could feel kind of a twinge, but nothing painful. Both births were quick ordeals and very easy. She didn't like the "ring of fire" sensation, but that was the worst part for her. 

Anyway, she orgasms quite well, but she isn't overly sensitive in that area. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> I think it is great that you took the time to tell your husband exactly the way you wanted him to do it. Many women are too bashful or prudish to do this. Then they complain about how there husband's don't know how to please them Thank you for not being one of those women.


The other side of this coin happens too. Some men don't want their wife to tell them exactly what they need. Some get angry if their wife does this.

So, this is might be good in that it might help those types of men realize that listening when their wife tells them exactly what works for her sexually, it might be good to listen. She just might be the only person in the world that knows what she needs and she's trying to share that with the man who should care about it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I am a strong feminist women. I always joke and say "feminist do it better."
> I don't have a perfect body, not even close. But I am not shy at all. This is my body and I love it, I have to Bc it's the only one I have. I love sex, I love to orgasm. When I have sex, I do it with the expectation to orgasm. To me... that's the point. (Sorry if that makes people mad but sex without an orgasm sucks). I believe that no means no, and more importantly I believe yes means yes. If I don't want to have sex with you I won't. I don't believe in dutiful sex. When I want to have sex... I want to have sex. When I say yes, I want to have sex. When I have sex I'm in it to win it... not to sit their and not enjoy myself. That's the way I am. Some people think this is selfish. But if I am going to have sex... I do it for a reason, because I want to have an orgasm. It's the best feeling and stress reliever in the world. When my husband finishes before me, he knows that he has to finish me off. That's the way I have always been since day one. I set the standard... if you cum, then I have to cum.


The men are taken to the Well.

The men are taken to the Well and forced to drink.

The men are taken to the Fountainhead and are obliged to Worship.

The men are taken to the Fountainhead and are forced to avoid direct contact with the robed Deity. The pretty gem ensconced in the center. 
.....No direct eye contact. The eyes have lashes that stimulate, THAT. That..who will not suffer insolence from a lesser God. A lesser God with one horn protruding.
.....The men's heads are bowed, no smile, no disrespecting jutting tongue, just a look and copious forethought, no foreplay. A rather, no lather, obliged Admiration, given as an Offering.
.....No Incense lit, no smoke up the butt. Obey or suffer her Incense... Git er on...Git her off.

The men are taken to the Well and if they do not Obey....they are drowned.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Giro flee said:


> Nobody's tongue is touching my button either! Seriously, no direct touching, ever😮 Oral does nothing for me, direct touching is painful and the tongue isn't really all that useful for applying indirect pressure near the button which I intensely enjoy.


Okay, so it's not that uncommon, which was what I was wondering!

I do wish that she had been more open about it all at the time. It's likely that manual stimulation (by me) around the area would have done something. Like you, oral was out. She'd allow me to do it South of the clit, mainly for lubrication, but that was about it. And even though I knew direct stimulation was out, I don't ever recall her allowing me to manually simulate around it (the same way she did with a vibrator). Trust issues, I guess. :|

I do wonder if the physical size of the clit has any sort of correlation, though. Hers was almost non-existent if I recall. By contrast, my wife's is more prominent (though I think average size). Perhaps the amount of nerve endings all packed into a smaller area created heightened over-sensitivity?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

alexm said:


> Okay, so it's not that uncommon, which was what I was wondering!
> 
> I do wish that she had been more open about it all at the time. It's likely that manual stimulation (by me) around the area would have done something. Like you, oral was out. She'd allow me to do it South of the clit, mainly for lubrication, but that was about it. And even though I knew direct stimulation was out, I don't ever recall her allowing me to manually simulate around it (the same way she did with a vibrator). Trust issues, I guess. :|
> 
> I do wonder if the physical size of the clit has any sort of correlation, though. Hers was almost non-existent if I recall. By contrast, my wife's is more prominent (though I think average size). Perhaps the amount of nerve endings all packed into a smaller area created heightened over-sensitivity?


I wondered this too, since the only woman I have encountered who was that sensitive was also the one with the smalles clit (external). 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

alexm said:


> Okay, so it's not that uncommon, which was what I was wondering!


I don't even think women realize how different their genitals are. I really don't but how could they? Unless they are lesbians, they only know how THEIR equipment works and many assume it's similar. They couldn't be more wrong. I think I've personally seen virtually all extremes.

Women who didn't want it touched at all.

Women who would straddle a jet engine if you let them.

Women who can't orgasm from PIV to save their lives.

Women who can multiple times from it, no issues at all. 

And men are supposed to figure this all out with virtually no input from them, otherwise be branded a horrible lover forever. You just can't win....


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I have absolutely no idea how large my clit is compared to others. They aren't really out there in the open to observe, even in locker rooms. I'll ask my husband, but he's only been with one other woman, and I don't think he knew very much when he was 18. Maybe we will have a scientific contrast and compare session this weekend with computer pics. 😀 

We did measure the distance from my clit to the vaginal opening once, which is small. Seems women with a larger distance between don't normally orgasm from piv.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Giro flee said:


> My entire body just clenched! &#55357;&#56878;&#55357;&#56876;
> 
> Think I'm in the minority due to the abundance of vibrators and oral sex enthusiasts.


So.....should he just blow on it? :laugh:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> The men are taken to the Well.
> 
> The men are taken to the Well and forced to drink.
> 
> ...


Yeahhhhhhhhh!!!!

That must be some badass weed you're toking.........


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> The other side of this coin happens too. Some men don't want their wife to tell them exactly what they need. Some get angry if their wife does this.
> 
> So, this is might be good in that it might help those types of men realize that listening when their wife tells them exactly what works for her sexually, it might be good to listen. She just might be the only person in the world that knows what she needs and she's trying to share that with the man who should care about it.


Well now is a good time for women to step up and do this, because we live in an age where men are more pussified and limp-wristed than they ever have been in the history of our society.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

To all the women out there: TELL your man what you like, and what you don't like, OUT LOUD! It makes it so much easier for them to get better at pleasing you!

There's nothing more satisfying for me than to see my wife in the waves of orgasmic glory. I absolutely love her taste, and cleaning up afterward is to die for. I get so turned on that I sometimes can't contain myself and have an O without meaning to. Fortunately, I can still go for as long as needed most of the time.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Luvher4life said:


> To all the women out there: TELL your man what you like, and what you don't like, OUT LOUD! It makes it so much easier for them to get better at pleasing you!
> 
> There's nothing more satisfying for me than to see my wife in the waves of orgasmic glory. I absolutely love her taste, and cleaning up afterward is to die for. I get so turned on that I sometimes can't contain myself and have an O without meaning to. Fortunately, I can still go for as long as needed most of the time.


I'm kind of the same way. I feel more masculine when I can make my partner cum than when I'm cumming in her.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

BetrayedDad said:


> I don't even think women realize how different their genitals are. I really don't but how could they? Unless they are lesbians, they only know how THEIR equipment works and many assume it's similar. They couldn't be more wrong. I think I've personally seen virtually all extremes.
> 
> Women who didn't want it touched at all.
> 
> ...




But that's true with everyone... no one is the same. Some men love their balls played with, tugged on etc. my husband would have a stroke if I did that to him.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> The men are taken to the Well.
> 
> The men are taken to the Well and forced to drink.
> 
> ...


Are you trying to say you like golden showers?


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## quin (Feb 14, 2017)

I'm very sensitive. During oral direct licking just hurts, and fingers... the thought makes me shudder. Sucking though, that is glorious and the only thing that works for me. I have a toy that mimics that and she's my best friend. With vibrators I cannot (usually) put them directly on my clit, I have to put them just above. 

My second husband, who has a long track record with women, complains about it. I'm kind of glad to read there are other women in a similar boat, he had me feeling like a freak of nature.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Sorry to hear that. My wife's clitoris is sensitive too but in a good way. With direct clitoral stimulation she will reach orgasm in under 3 minutes. With a little more foreplay or sometimes with oral, she will orgasm under 1 minute. Lucky me. The problem is that she orgasms too quickly so that I cannot enjoy what I am doing to her most times. Once she orgasms, I cannot touch her clitoris again for about 5-10 minutes. She has to push me away as she is orgasming because her clitoris becomes super sensitive. We gave up on intercoures about 20 years ago because she is the female version of a premature ejaculator. As a result we have a lot of foreplay because once I start making her orgasm, it is over with quickly and she needs time to recover.

At one time my wife behaved similar to yours and sometimes still does. As soon as I tried to get near her vagina she would push my hand or heat away because she was extremely sensitive and would jump at my touch. She adapted and I have to start off gently and near but not touching her clitoris and work my way to it slowly. She made an effort to control it and now only rarely complains that it hurts or is too sensitive. When I touch her she jumps as if lightning hit her unless we get her clitoris used to it over time. Our girlfriend did not have sensitive clitoris. It took her a half hour or more to orgasm, even when using a vibrator. My wife has spoiled me for other women who make me work long and hard to give them an orgasm. 

Hope it works out for you.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

katiecrna said:


> But that's true with everyone... no one is the same. Some men love their balls played with, tugged on etc. my husband would have a stroke if I did that to him.


Perhaps, but I think most men don't NEED that stimulation to orgasm. I think for most men the same types of stimulation will get them there. Women, on the other hand, vary greatly from one another. With no guidance, it can be a daunting task bringing someone new to O if they don't communicate their needs. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I have a vibrator that is U-shaped which is great for indirect clitoris stimulation. I would highly recommend it for ladies on top position. Just tuck it in there and ride it out. Lol. I would have to say that mine is especially sensitive right after an orgasm. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> Perhaps, but I think most men don't NEED that stimulation to orgasm. I think for most men the same types of stimulation will get them there. Women, on the other hand, vary greatly from one another. With no guidance, it can be a daunting task bringing someone new to O if they don't communicate their needs.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk




The problem is many women don't know their needs. Many women are raised and taught a certain thing about their bodies especially their vagina. I know my needs because I've experimented with myself, I've masterbated, I've learned how to pleasure myself. Many women don't do this. Many girls are raised to think this is wrong and bad and many girls are ashamed of their vagina or think it's ugly or whatever. Here comes the feminist in me...


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

katiecrna said:


> The problem is many women don't know their needs. Many women are raised and taught a certain thing about their bodies especially their vagina. I know my needs because I've experimented with myself, I've masterbated, I've learned how to pleasure myself. Many women don't do this. Many girls are raised to think this is wrong and bad and many girls are ashamed of their vagina or think it's ugly or whatever. Here comes the feminist in me...


I absolutely agree with you, and I have no idea why so many women are like that. Not to be crass, but if I had a vulva/vagina I'd never leave the house! 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> I'm kind of the same way. I feel more masculine when I can make my partner cum than when I'm cumming in her.


I do believe that that is the definition of a real man.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

sidney2718 said:


> I do believe that that is the definition of a real man.


...with a sore tongue....


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## bbad (Feb 11, 2017)

My wife seems not enjoying clit licking either, but if just PIV I will be finished way earlier than she will. Tragic!


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