# Maybe a bit too far???



## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

Angry Husband Beats And Rapes Wife’s Lover For 15 hours

"If you’re having an affair with a married woman, it’s probably best to get a room or otherwise hook up at the proverbial undisclosed, secure location.

That’s one of the lessons of a criminal case in Oslo, Norway, in which a man received 8-1/2 years behind bars for torturing his wife’s lover for 15 hours.

A “rude awakening” in the extreme perhaps?

Apparently the jilted husband found the lovers naked in bed and got a little upset. He tied his wife’s paramour to a radiator and beat him with an axe, a bottle, and a pair of cables. But he didn’t stop there. According to The Local of Norway, he also raped the man.

The situation got even more edgy because the husband filmed part of the ordeal on video and demanded the equivalent of about $2,000 from the cheater or he would send the footage to the other guy’s family.

The Oslo District Court found the father-of-four guilty of aggravated rape, kidnapping, and blackmail. The court also ordered him to pay about $53,000 in money damages to the victim.

Infidelity can often bring out the worst in relationships. In a recent incident, an enraged wife in Peru tossed her unfaithful husband’s lover off a cliff.

A recent study published by a Kansas State University professor suggested that financial arguments are a prime predictor of divorce, surpassing disputes over sex, children, and in-laws. Notably, infidelity was not mentioned or considered in the research. Another study from Auburn University suggests that cheating wives are closing the so-called infidelity gap, with the number of woman admitting to having extra-marital affairs rising 40 percent in 20 years. Other research has suggested that only 31 percent of marriages survive after the discovery of an affair.

The Mayo Clinic offers several non-violent options when one spouse discovers the other is cheating. These include avoiding making rash decisions, giving yourself and your partner space, seeking counseling, and allowing time for the healing process to occur. Anger management couldn’t hurt, either.

Violence is never the answer, but how would you react if you discovered your spouse in flagrante delicto?"


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

A bit too far? Maybe.

Let's put it this way - you'd have to be a complete idiot not to know you're potentially playing with your life when you screw another man's wife.

Murder caused by infidelity is hardly a new concept. Hell, people have been writing songs about it forever.

That's the risk you take when you willingly destroy someone's life.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

I would say yes a bit to much. 
My kids (all adults) begged and pleaded with me to not confront the OM. They went as far as to contact my brother and have him talk with me. I agreed to leave him alone with the understanding that any future family functions that included him (my xw announced her intentions of marrying him from the start, and they did within the year) would NOT include me, no exceptions. Which means that if and when my youngest gets married, one of us, myself or the POSOM are not going to be there. Might not be fair to her, maybe I will change my mind, but don't think so. 
I still wrestle with this agreement today, 2 years later. As it seems to me, that everyone should expect that if I mess with another mans wife, I am going to get messed with, that's how it works. I feel a bit less of a man for not kicking his a$$, and wonder if he doesn't laugh at me still for not searching him out. I especially regretted not "talking with him" after my friend, the judge, assured me that in my county no jury would ever convict me of anything (within reason) were I to take it to him.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Interestingly, when I followed one of the links it took me to:
Infidelity Kills Most Marriages, According To Captain Obvious Survey
where it said only 31% of marriage survived an affair.



> Several surveys have supported this in recent years, with an Ourtime.com query returning 42 percent of adults willing to work on a relationship after finding out their partner had cheated. Only 31 percent of marriages last after an affair has been discovered according to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

> Apparently the jilted husband found the lovers naked in bed and got a little upset. He tied his wife’s paramour to a radiator and beat him with an axe, a bottle, and a pair of cables. But he didn’t stop there. According to The Local of Norway, he also raped the man.


A bit too far? I don't know about that. He wouldn't have done jail time if I were on that jury. This is the price you pay for banging another man's wife. The guy is a hero in my book. As I've said before, there is a little "misdirected anger" here, some of it should have been directed towards his cheating wife.



> The Mayo Clinic offers several non-violent options when one spouse discovers the other is cheating. These include avoiding making rash decisions, giving yourself and your partner space, seeking counseling, and allowing time for the healing process to occur. Anger management couldn’t hurt, either.


And because of wimpy advice like this, people cheat with impunity.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> A bit too far? I don't know about that. He wouldn't have done jail time if I were on that jury. This is the price you pay for banging another man's wife. The guy is a hero in my book. As I've said before, there is a little "misdirected anger" here, some of it should have been directed towards his cheating wife.
> 
> 
> And because of wimpy advice like this, people cheat with impunity.


Wimpy advice like: "Don't rape your wife's lover?"

Mind you, the chap concerned probably will never take a married lover, again!


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Well, I had no sympathy with the OM with the bit where he's tied to the radiator and beaten. That's a risk you take if you choose to sleep with another man's wife.

But the aggravated rape? That's over-stepping the bounds of where I'd be willing to go. 

Still no sympathy for the OM. I hope he learned a valuable life lesson.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Wimpy advice like: "Don't rape your wife's lover?"
> 
> Mind you, the chap concerned probably will never take a married lover, again!


The point I'm trying to make is that if you screw another man's wife, you risked getting f*cked ... figuratively and literally!


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Yeah, too far, but now I think anything along these lines is too far. Funny, I always figured I'd want to beat an OM with an alum bat if I ever caught my W cheating (she hasn't, AFIK).

I had this conversation recently with a close friend of mine, a gay guy, and his thoughts make a hell of a lot more sense. Why turn to violence over some POS cheater spouse/bf/gf? Not worth ruining your life. The hubby in that link will rot in jail for the next 5+ years. For what?

Your best move is to turn your back on that garbage, and go find someone who wants to be with you.

With all of that said, no sympathy for the OM.


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## NothingWantsToChange (Nov 8, 2013)

Affairs are always 100% the cheaters fault not matter what the other partner does but rape or murder is not 100% the rapists or murders fault in these situations?


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

thunderstruck said:


> Yeah, too far, but now I think anything along these lines is too far. Funny, I always figured I'd want to beat an OM with an alum bat if I ever caught my W cheating (she hasn't, AFIK).
> 
> I had this conversation recently with a close friend of mine, a gay guy, and his thoughts make a hell of a lot more sense. Why turn to violence over some POS cheater spouse/bf/gf? Not worth ruining your life. The hubby in that link will rot in jail for the next 5+ years. For what?
> 
> ...


Yup. As soon as my stbxw spread for another man - her value went down to ZERO for me. And the POSom? Pfft. Neither one of them are worth my time - and certainly not my freedom.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

NothingWantsToChange said:


> Affairs are always 100% the cheaters fault not matter what the other partner does but rape or murder is not 100% the rapists or murders fault in these situations?


Who said that?

The point is that a person should know that they are potentially risking their well being when they screw a married person.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Bizarre, strange, disturbing. He clearly had some mental issues.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Healer said:


> Who said that?
> 
> The point is that a person should know that they are potentially risking their well being when they screw a married person.


That's said in the infidelity forum quite often. That the cheating spouse is 100% responsible for their decision to cheat. Even if, for example, their spouse has cut off their sex life for years. 

I agree with JB. The guy was a few cards short. But i guess he can console himself in jail with the fact that he got his revenge. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

PBear said:


> That's said in the infidelity forum quite often. That the cheating spouse is 100% responsible for their decision to cheat. Even if, for example, their spouse has cut off their sex life for years.
> 
> I agree with JB. The guy was a few cards short. But i guess he can console himself in jail with the fact that he got his revenge.
> 
> ...


Yes - and I agree it's 100% the cheaters fault. Nobody said the second part though - about the murderer not being responsible.

If your spouse cuts off sex for years, get out of the marriage, don't cheat.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

thunderstruck said:


> I had this conversation recently with a close friend of mine, a gay guy, and his thoughts make a hell of a lot more sense. Why turn to violence over some POS cheater spouse/bf/gf? Not worth ruining your life. The hubby in that link will rot in jail for the next 5+ years. For what?
> 
> Your best move is to turn your back on that garbage, and go find someone who wants to be with you.


I agree 100%, but I am doing that from my computer not in the middle of walking in on my wife and another man. 
If we were all this rational, peace would exist all over the world except for sociopaths.

Everything he did was wrong, by law, I do not condone the rape at all. That's the one thing I don't wish on anyone. The beating? Whatever, I like to think I'm better, but I KNOW I'd probably be taking whatever I felt about my wife out on him. Less likely to go to jail for whoopin him up than even intimidating or threatening my wife.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Healer said:


> Yes - and I agree it's 100% the cheaters fault. Nobody said the second part though - about the murderer not being responsible.
> 
> If your spouse cuts off sex for years, get out of the marriage, don't cheat.


At least once person in this thread said that if they were on the jury, the guy wouldn't have gone to jail. Other people have said (or implied) that the OM was at least partially at fault, should have known better, etc. Again, that's equivalent to saying that a spouse who cuts off sex should have known better or was at fault for their partner straying. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

I don't condone the rape either. But I'll save my sympathy for those that deserve it.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

PBear said:


> At least once person in this thread said that if they were on the jury, the guy wouldn't have gone to jail. Other people have said (or implied) that the OM was at least partially at fault, should have known better, etc. Again, that's equivalent to saying that a spouse who cuts off sex should have known better or was at fault for their partner straying.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That may be. I might have acquitted the guy too. 

That's not equivalent at all. 1 + 1 does not equal banana.

And damn right - om should have known better. Like I said - people kill over infidelity. Right or wrong, it's a fact, and has been for as long as marriage and infidelity have existed.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

She wore red dresses with her black shining hair
She had my baby and caused me to care
Then coldly she left me to suffer and cry
She wore red dresses and told such sweet lies

I never knew him but he took her away
On my knees like a madman for vengeance I prayed
While the pain and the anger destroyed my weak mind
She wore red dresses and left the wounded behind

I searched till I found them, then I cursed at the sight
Of their sleeping shadows in the cold neon light
In the dark morning silence I placed the gun to her head
She wore red dresses, but now she lay dead


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I agree 100%, but I am doing that from my computer not in the middle of walking in on my wife and another man.
> If we were all this rational, peace would exist all over the world except for sociopaths.


Agree, and I hope I'm never in that sitch. If I am, I hope I pause for a millisecond, and just walk away. And keep walking.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

thunderstruck said:


> Agree, and I hope I'm never in that sitch. If I am, I hope I pause for a millisecond, and just walk away. And keep walking.


Agreed.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

When at 2 am I found the texts between my xw and the om on her phone. I loaded my 12 ga shotgun with double OO shot, loaded two clips for my 40 cal handgun and drove to his house. I never intended to shoot him, but was going to fill his car full of holes. Arriving at his home, I decided to drive around his house a couple of times to make sure no cops were around.(small town)...best thing I ever did, as I realized that I would probably be doing jail time, and she was not worth it. I then drove to my house, hooked my truck up to his utility trailer that was parked at my house (he was my friend for 20 years) drove down the highway to a local pull off where people park their cars to car pool. I then drove into the parking lot, took off the license plate, removed the registration from its hiding place, placed a "Free" sign on the trailer and drove home, throwing the plate into the lake, throwing the registration, now in little pieces, out the window as I went. The next day the trailer was gone. When called by her attorney and asked about the trailer, I did not lie. I simply said, "everyone asks me about that trailer, "I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT IS!" Never questioned about it again.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Hoosier - that should win the post of the day award. 

You FN rule.


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## NothingWantsToChange (Nov 8, 2013)

Make up your minds...

No sympathy for a cheater who is raped 

Sympathy for a spouse who doesn't give affection but is cheated on

Both instances could be handled better. Sure getting a divorce is better then cheating but isn't walking away better then sexual assault? To fault the raped man here is to fault the cheated on spouse. What's it going to be?


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

NothingWantsToChange said:


> Make up your minds...
> 
> No sympathy for a cheater who is raped
> 
> ...


Once again, 1 + 1 is not equal to banana. Your analogy is beyond flawed.

And LOL at your ultimatum.


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## NothingWantsToChange (Nov 8, 2013)

Healer said:


> Once again, 1 + 1 is not equal to banana. Your analogy is beyond flawed.
> 
> And LOL at your ultimatum.


How is it flawed?

Say my s/o cheated with a woman and I beat and raped that woman? That is an expected behavior?

You can't argue that an unatentive spouse being cheated on is not a risk you run when being unatentive and then argue that a person being raped is the risk you run when you sleep with someone's wife.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

NothingWantsToChange said:


> How is it flawed?
> 
> Say my s/o cheated with a woman and I beat and raped that woman? That is an expected behavior?
> 
> You can't argue that an unatentive spouse being cheated on is not a risk you run when being unatentive and then argue that a person being raped is the risk you run when you sleep with someone's wife.


Now you are arguing that it is an "expected behavior". You have 3 different arguments going on here. Violence against an affair partner - yes, it should be expected. Why? Because it DOES happen.

This is a different argument than what you were spewing before. It's your analogy that I am challenging. Pick an argument and argue it. You're all over the place.

"You can't argue that an unatentive spouse being cheated on is not a risk you run when being unatentive and then argue that a person being raped is the risk you run when you sleep with someone's wife."

Where do you get your parallels???


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

NothingWantsToChange said:


> Say my s/o cheated with a woman and I beat and raped that woman? That is an expected behavior?


I think you're more than a little confused.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Not one of you who have posted here have put the blame WHERE IT REALLY lies---with the cheating spouse----

Oh I know---you all still LOVE your spouses---I got news for all of you---BUT FOR ---what your spouse ---DID----You would not be discussing this thread.

I understand the OM/OW is scum---but they took NO VOWS with you---and if your spouse offers up friends with benefits---who is really responsible??????


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## NothingWantsToChange (Nov 8, 2013)

Healer said:


> Now you are arguing that it is an "expected behavior". You have 3 different arguments going on here. Violence against an affair partner - yes, it should be expected. Why? Because it DOES happen.
> 
> This is a different argument than what you were spewing before. It's your analogy that I am challenging. Pick an argument and argue it. You're all over the place.
> 
> ...


If you don't get what I am saying that's fine. Pm me if you care to try and understand my point but I think it's pretty clear. Victim blaming isn't cool but this place is cool with that....


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

NothingWantsToChange said:


> If you don't get what I am saying that's fine. Pm me if you care to try and understand my point but I think it's pretty clear. Victim blaming isn't cool but this place is cool with that....


Again - your analogy is just plain way out to lunch.

Chaining a guy up and raping him for hours on end is illegal, depraved and quite nuts. The point being made here is that when you screw another man's wife, you are putting your well being in jeopardy. Nobody said it was morally or legally acceptable what happened to this OM. Although I'm sure some folks here are OK with it. 

I understand what you are trying to say. I think it's wrong, and I think your analogy is bogus. I also think you entirely misunderstand the betrayed spouses on this forum.

And demanding us to "pick one" is ludicrous, as your parallels are so...not parallel.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

jnj express said:


> Not one of you who have posted here have put the blame WHERE IT REALLY lies---with the cheating spouse----


 Why would I assess blame, when the OP asked if it went to far, not who we should blame or where it really lies? Those are your own personal questions. I said yes, with the rape going to far. I think what he did, the beating, was wrong legally, but I do not know what I'd do in his situation. I'd say that pretty much tells you where I put the blame logically and what I might do irrationally. 


> Oh I know---you all still LOVE your spouses---I got news for all of you---BUT FOR ---what your spouse ---DID----You would not be discussing this thread.


 There are hundreds of things I discuss, that I have no experience in or want for that matter. Plan9 is a classic example, he actually posted a similar thread, of a person discussing things with zero experience. Yes, I have discussed things like this long before my wife had an inappropriate friendship.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

thunderstruck said:


> Agree, and I hope I'm never in that sitch. If I am, I hope I pause for a millisecond, and just walk away. And keep walking.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/4855466-post12.html


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Not only is that funny, it shows how wildly different and to extremes people will react to infidelity.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

I saw the movie BRIEF ENCOUNTER---tonight, and if I were the H, as a fly on the wall looking at this---I can see where I would want to smash the face of the OM into a pulp, and leave him in the hospital---but I also saw a wife who time and again---kept make decisions to turn her back on her H/Kids/mge----------

It is oh so hard on who to place the real burden of blame---cuz I can see where the OM/OW kept on and on and on---and the spouse buckles and gives in, instead of protecting, what is supposedly spose to be the most sacred thing in their life.

Life can really be a rathole!


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