# Pregnant and his son and family hates me



## binaryqn (Feb 11, 2012)

Hi Everyone,

I have been dealing with this for too long on my own. I came across this site and figure I can see if I get lucky and get some good advice as to how to proceed . 

Summary, I was married for 20 years have 4 girls from my first marriage. I got a divorced and 3 years later I started dating this divorced dad of a 14 year old, who was married for 14 years. I have been the most blessed and happiest person with him, and I alwasy though he with me.

We have been dating almost 3 years, he talsk about a life t has together yet never proposed. his reason are 1- his son, he is afraid son will be upset and want to move to his mom etc, 2- I am still dealing with financial leftovers from my first marriage. I supported my first 99% of our marriage and left me pretty broke after the divorce , 3- I have 4 girls, dont get child support and I know he is hesitant, he sees, 4 colleges, 4 wedding and many grandchildren.. I cant blame him for his concerns.. howeverI have been an independant woman my whole life, and he met me at my lowest unfortuantely.

Anyways, i have been upset as to why he couldnt commit, We are a perfect match (to me), but I do see his son is a total against us.. So I am now pregnant. (wasnt planned ut I believe it as ablessing), with a lil boy whihc I wanted my whole life.. and now is from the man I love very much. He is very happy yet he still dint want to marry, I understood and I wouldnt want to do that while I was pregnant yet at least wanted to be engaged since my family is very traditional..

I did moved in with him, his son made my life and my daughters hell.. I tried.. I would get him all the groceries he wanted , made him dinners, bring him lunch to school or anything else he forgot. I will give him rides and pick up from school.. He was always rude but would take it.. I found out he smokesand I tried to put a stop to it.. I would not allow that with my girls.. Anyways, we all travel (us 3, my grls stayed behind) to meet his family for this last thanksgiving.. My boyfriend was VERY odd, behaving as he wanted to fight with me.. he managed to do that , and I said fine I am not going.. however I felt bad since I knew I was pregnant and he wanted me to be introduced,so IO showed up at the airport. his son gave me the meanest look, and my boyfriend ignored me.. Oncew in Chicago I tried to get a hol dof him and told him I woujld be ther for dinner to give me address but I wasnt staying with him.. I tried to contact him all day, he never answer me.. so ther I was in Chicago , pregnant alone and with noiwhere to go.. I took a plane back the same day.. as I was at the airport he finally called and tells me the son had taken the phone from him so he wouldnt call me.. and that his family had told him if I was to show up he wasnt welcome either.. He never told me this and I went thinking they wanted to meet me.. He got a huge fight with the brother and supposed;y he never went to the dinner either..only the son.. however was too late . i was on my way back to the west coast, and had arrange for movers to get me out of the house before they flew home.. So I moved out after 3 months of struggle , I am now 8 months , having a boy. My boyfriend never forced him to apologize for what happened in Chicago and allowed him to keep disrecpecing to the point if he saw me visiting he would make sure I knew he wasnt happy , slamming door and cursing the whole time in front of my girls 12,5, and 3.. 

His claim is that I trapped his dad, and i am spending all his money on me and m girls and that I dont love him jsut his money. The truth I a currently unemployed and because pregnant hard to get a job in my field.. prior to this made prob 20k more than his dad n and twice as much as his mom.. I alwasy been independant to the point my ex husband actually asked for spousal support.. His family see what they want to see, and makes sense.. Tehre is a lating woman, who doesnt work, who drives a nice suv, has 4 girls and now pregnant.. hmm. but they dont see how happy I make him. He was (per him) in a marriage with no intercourse, no affection or tru love.. I on the other hand I serve him with hand and foot.. I cook for him, I clean his place, I live for his pleasure and believe in him.. and dot do it because is who I am, I do it because I unconditionally love him.. As a matter of fact, I told him. I can sign a prenupt , and he dot even have to be in the birth certificate, am not asking for child support.. I will get a job after the baby and will be fine.. It is true he has helped me this last year with expenses since unemployment is not enough , however I am not a gold digger and am not interested in his money like his family and son thinks.

Today, i took a plummer and acleaning lady to his house since I cant do much for him. I waited for them to be done, and hoped they woudl be done before the son got home from school. I went to eh store to geth the some groceries and even things for the son that he likes to eat. he happened to come home when I left and threw a ft seeing my daughters in the house, and went off on his dad, even called his mom to come get him. He supposedly was crying and screming at my boyfriend on the phone saying you let her come to the house, now I cant come in my own house.. You dont see it, she is trying toget a foot on the door again, and take everything away from you and bringing her bastard home.. etc etc etc.. he was lucky I wasnt there or my hormones for first time ever would have done the right thing with him.. 

so what do I do.. i cant ahve a talk with him , I dont ahve any right. am just the girlfriend.. and I cant demand that from my boyfrend because again am just the girlfriend.. I dont want his name on the birth cert so his family dont think am after child support, yet am so over my morals already having a child out of wedlock and am not even engaged.. should I continue wiht this relationship and wait till son turns 18 and hop we get a chance to have a life together.. or I take off and move on.. I am not interested in finding another man yet I have to focus on my new job and recover all I had lost with my first marriage.. I have nothing.. and yes I do ahve 4 quinceaneras, 4 collegs and 4weddings to plan => thank you for reading.. and sorry so long..


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## asylumspadez (Jan 17, 2012)

1 - Please at least attempt to spell properly. Not trying to be an ass but there are many errors and its annoying having to figure out what you mean instead of what you typed.

For your boyfriend's son - He is going to be angry with you because he views you as the person who ruined his parents marriage (and his life). Try to tell him that his parents had problems and that you are not the reason they are no longer together. Try to get his dad to talk to him too because taking his anger out on you isnt right. Also its expected for a child of divorce to be angry, He is simply using you as an excuse to vent his anger.

For your boyfriend - I am sure that he loves you but you cant pressure him into marriage just because you dont want to have a child out of wedlock, You (the both of you) should have been more careful but you werent so now you can both deal with the consequences. So dont pressure him into marriage, Thats a must imo. Also tell him to speak with his son, Tell him why him and his mom are no longer together and how its not your fault. Your boyfriend needs to grow up and deal with his problems like a man instead of running from them like a boy.

Dont sacrifice your relationship just because his son is unhappy. The relationship is about you and him. Not you, him, and his son.


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## WEBELONG2GETHER (Jan 22, 2012)

Hi there I read your post and there is a lot going on. You never mention if your daughters get along with your boyfriend, and does he like your girls? Where is their father, does he interact with them. I think you need to give your boyfriend some time. He clearly has mixed emotions about his new situation. Things were not going to well before you got pregnant, so this is adding additional stress. 

To go from being a divorced father of one to a married father with 4 stepchildren and 1 newborn is a big change. You say you will work, but until then he has to support himself, his son, your 4 daughters and the newbie, challenging to say the least. Not to mention the stress of his son and family not accepting/liking you. You are putting too much pressure on him. Do you put that type of pressure on the girls father to provide some financial support, if not cut this guy a break and back off a little if you want to keep him


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