# newly seperated need advice



## Lowend (Dec 22, 2011)

Hi I'm new to the site and am in need of some advice.Have read lots of posts in the forums over the last few hrs and decided to post my story.

Met my wife thru friends 14 yrs ago.She was a single mum (girl 5 at the time).We dated for 2 yrs and done family things (movies weekends away etc)We moved in together as a family at this point.The house was her mothers and there was no problem on that score.I get on very well with her parents.I switched jobs for more security as i now had a family to help support. (my wife also worked full time)I played in a few bands for the next few years and we took out a modest loan/morgage to put an extension on the house and do some repairs.We (to my mind) were perfectly happy,had lots of friends,mostly mine but she was accepted in as one of the gang.She did not have many friends herself.
We married in 2004 and moved house,all within a one month period.At the same time I was very busy trying to get my bands album recorded and released so my time was limited.This led to my wife having an anxiety attack at which point I put band on hold and got stuck into doing what had to be done to get her well.We got thru this and all was well.The Band broke up and i stopped playing.in hindsight i think i got depressed and didn't deal with it lost touch with my friends and got diagnosed with vertigo.
During this time my wife got her degree which took a lot of her time and i done the dad/husband thing.I supported her all the way with her education never once complained as i figured I'd done my band thing for years and now this was something she really wanted to do and I supported her.I took summers of work to look after the daughter and all was well (to my mind).
In 2008 we suffered 30% pay cuts in january.Our daughter moved off to college in sept.Things were good we spent lots of time together and tried to get away a bit.Throughout 09 and 10 her career took off and she met lots of new successful people ,started going to confrences and i Felt pushed out.I reacted in a negative way and developed a passive aggressive way of dealing with it.In april 11 she was diagnosed with GAD and we decided to get her well no matter what.We cried and apologised for everything and she said she loved me and thanked me for staying and putting up with her insanity.I said I'd do whatever it took and i would always be there for her.For the past year we were arguing lots and she took a two week break in her brothers while he was away in august.When she returned we talked and agreed I would get out more and be less clingy (her words).That she felt pressured because she was everything to me as I had few friends left in constant contact.Things were better and even our friends and family were commenting on how much better things seemed.My wife started playing and writing music and I helped were i could without being burdensome or controlling.we bought new car to save money on repayments and saved money on utility bills so cash would be freer in 2012.then on dec 6th i recieved a phone call at work to say she had been invited out of the country by some friends she met on the net to do some songwriting the following tues.I was taken aback and again reacted passively agressively on sun the 11th she walked in and said she was moving out and not coming back.Packed her stuff and left.She returned the following sun and took another car load of stuff and told our daughter that she was getting a place of her own after xmas.

I'm heartbroken and unsure of what to do next


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

You can get individual counseling to help you through these times. 

Also, would she consider marriage counseling?


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## Lowend (Dec 22, 2011)

thanks for the reply HerToo

Yes have made an appointment to see a counsellor
As regards marriage counseling not sure she would agree to it at the moment.


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