# How normal is it for people who hang in bars to cheat?



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

On their significant other? Boyfriend or girlfriend husband or wife?

Is it 1%, 10%, closer to 50%?

I been in the environment, and unless it is a "cheers" style bar where your in the same bar with your spouse - there is alot of hookups going on, quite a bit more cheaters than the naive would think.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

I have no idea of the percentages but I wold imagine it's common. This is why my wife hasn't been to a bar without me since we were single (and me without her).


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Maybe about 30 years ago it was common, but I would imagine that most cheaters meet their partners though the Internet now.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

My old lady was always hooking up at the bar.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Theseus said:


> Maybe about 30 years ago it was common, but I would imagine that most cheaters meet their partners though the Internet now.


Yeah, but alot of em still like the thrill of the chase - so they go to the bar.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Probably no more than the # of people who cheat anywhere else.
It's going to happen no matter the location, if someone WANTS to cheat, they're going to do it. 
It's not for lack of opportunity, as much as people may not want to believe that.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Phenix70 said:


> Probably no more than the # of people who cheat anywhere else.
> It's going to happen no matter the location, if someone WANTS to cheat, they're going to do it.
> It's not for lack of opportunity, as much as people may not want to believe that.


Just like their are "crime stats" for different neighborhoods, different environments have different aura's and different norms that may make it more or less likely.


I mean it is what it is, no reason to bury your head in the sand and not realizing your raising or lowering your odds for something to happen by keep running to something.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

AlphaProvider said:


> Just like their are "crime stats" for different neighborhoods, different environments have different aura's and different norms that may make it more or less likely.
> 
> 
> I mean it is what it is, no reason to bury your head in the sand and not realizing your raising or lowering your odds for something to happen by keep running to something.


I don't buy that at all, especially since the majority of cheating happens at work.
Does that mean we all have to stop working?
Nope, it means one needs to be mindful of themselves, the situations they put themselves into & stay present in their relationships. 
The temptation to cheat is up to the person, trying to lay the blame on a location is giving the cheater more credit than they deserve.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

I would think it likely that different places are conducive to different types of cheating - at work, more long term affairs, whilst in bars probably more serial one night stands.

No evidence, just what I think likely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Phenix70 said:


> I don't buy that at all, especially since the majority of cheating happens at work.
> Does that mean we all have to stop working?
> Nope, it means one needs to be mindful of themselves, the situations they put themselves into & stay present in their relationships.
> The temptation to cheat is up to the person, trying to lay the blame on a location is giving the cheater more credit than they deserve.


If I keep going into a swingers bar, because I think it's "fun" it won't be too long before I join in on the "fun".


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Cheating also happens at church. I decided that I would not marry a religious man. I am not religious and I do not want to spend my weekends at church related activities. 

If I married a man who regularly went to church, I would either have to go to church with him when I would rather do something else or risk that he gets to friendly with the female parishioners.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

How many cheaters have been drinking when they cheat?

Drinking lowers inhibitions.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Blonde said:


> How many cheaters have been drinking when they cheat?
> 
> Drinking lowers inhibitions.


Of course. GNO and GuysNO's can end up with cheating becoming the norm if it is single or cheaters in the group and alcohol involved.

Over time, some of the more loyal ones may be swayed... Not all, but some.

Alcohol is a game changer. It makes things which may not be acted upon, be suggestible and people exploring paths left to fantasy.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, drinking lowers inhibitions. Then, in the cheater's mind, it becomes the fault of the alcohol and not the cheater. 

Bars are the perfect playground for those who like to cheat but want "something" to blame it on.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

AlphaProvider said:


> If I keep going into a swingers bar, because I think it's "fun" it won't be too long before I join in on the "fun".


But you see, there's a difference, you're going to a bar that specifically caters to being a swinger & why is that?
There are plenty of regular bars around, yet you chose one that specializes in a lifestyle that promotes sex with strangers & multiple partners.

So what exactly is your point?
Are you looking for people to support your hypothesis that it's a bar, or a particular kind of bar that encourages cheating?
I'm not sure if someone cheated on you & you're looking for answers, but the first thing that needs to be addressed is it's never ANYONE or ANYTHING else to blame for someone to cheat.
They could be drunk, in a bar, surrounded by the hottest people to ever walk the earth, if they WANT to cheat, they will cheat, nothing & no one will stop them.
And if they DON'T want to cheat, nothing & no one will get them to do so. 
It's a person's choice to cheat, everything else is just noise to deflect responsibility.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Phenix70 said:


> But you see, there's a difference, you're going to a bar that specifically caters to being a swinger & why is that?
> There are plenty of regular bars around, yet you chose one that specializes in a lifestyle that promotes sex with strangers & multiple partners.
> 
> So what exactly is your point?
> ...


If they keep going around friends and places where those things happen, if they mix it with alcohol there is a good probability over time, they may try it themself.

If someone is resolved not to cheat on their spouse, they would limit their exposure and many occasions would invite their spouse along.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

AlphaProvider said:


> If they keep going around friends and places where those things happen, if they mix it with alcohol there is a good probability over time, they may try it themself.
> 
> If someone is resolved not to cheat on their spouse, they would limit their exposure and many occasions would invite their spouse along.


It's called boundaries, for oneself & for one's relationship.
If the person has those firmly in place, all the "temptations" in the world aren't going to make a difference.
Like I said before, most cheating happens at work, where people develop relationships with people they see for 8+ hours a day, often more time than they spend with their SO's.
There are people who even have work spouses.

If you (general you) are worried that your SO is going to cheat on you because they're often going out solo to bars, you've got more to worry about than that. 
The issue isn't the bar itself, it's the person's reason/need to be away that often from their SO. 
It's the time away from the SO, doing things that aren't beneficial to the relationship that is worrisome & problematic.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I will leave other posters here to debate whether or not people who hang out in bars are more likely (or not) to cheat.

I have no interest in hanging out in a bar with a bunch of regulars. Sure, "Cheers" made it look okay. But people who hang out in bars are a rather sad bunch, from what I've observed.

The thing is, people who hang in bars do so because alcohol is an important element in their socializing routine. I don't find that appealing.

JMO.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

AlphaProvider said:


> *If someone is resolved not to cheat on their spouse, they would limit their exposure* and many occasions would invite their spouse along.


Exactly! I am a faithful married woman and I know my own limitations. I know that my inhibitions are low when I drink. So sitting at a bar (any bar) drinking with other men has absolutely no appeal at all to me and I don't understand why married people do it? It's high risk behavior IMO. If you play with fire, you'll eventually get burned.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Openminded said:


> Yes, drinking lowers inhibitions. Then, in the cheater's mind, it becomes the fault of the alcohol and not the cheater.
> 
> Bars are the perfect playground for those who like to cheat but want "something" to blame it on.


This!


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

100%

really anyone who hangs out at a bar WITHOUT the spouse is looking for something. Especially routinely hanging out at the bar!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Goldmember357 said:


> 100%
> 
> really anyone who hangs out at a bar WITHOUT the spouse is looking for something. Especially routinely hanging out at the bar!


Their initially looking for the attention and the thrill of being "in the know" for that realm. Over time they get closer until they are doing it themself!


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## Wonder2Woman (Jun 16, 2011)

Cheating can happen anytime, anywhere. If the cheater wants to cheat, he/she will do it regardless of the time of the day or the location. They will make it happen regardless of the circumstances. Cheating is a very selfish act. Nothing else matters to the cheater.

That being said, I do agree that people in a committed relationship should avoid environments such as bars. Stereotypically bars are places where single people hook up. Why would you want to put yourself in that position if you are in a committed relationship? Now if you and your significant other want to hang out at a bar together, then that's certainly okay. Or if you are willing to accept that the other person can hang out at bars by themselves, I think that the person going out to bars should be okay with his/her significant other showing up unannounced.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

I'm 43, NEVER in the 20+ years I've been able to drink, have I ever felt the need to hook up with someone in a bar due to my drinking alcohol at that time. 
For people to equate bars/alcohol with people looking to cheat is just blame shifting.
People will use any excuse they can to not accept responsibility for their actions, whether it's drinking or not being able to say no to sex with someone other than their SO. 
And it's just that, an excuse.

Open your minds up to it's not the environment that is the problem, it's the cheater that is the problem.
If they're going to cheat, they WILL find a way to do it.
Whether it's at work, at church, the PTA, your child's coach, or even at a bar, a cheater will find a way. 
You think "keeping" them out of a bar, or away from alcohol is all it's going to take to stop someone from cheating, you're setting yourself up to be awfully disappointed. 
If you're in a relationship with someone who feels the compulsion to cheat on you, no matter the obstacle, they will find a way to do it.


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## Wonder2Woman (Jun 16, 2011)

Phenix70 said:


> I'm 43, NEVER in the 20+ years I've been able to drink, have I ever felt the need to hook up with someone in a bar due to my drinking alcohol at that time.
> For people to equate bars/alcohol with people looking to cheat is just blame shifting.
> *People will use any excuse they can to not accept responsibility for their actions, whether it's drinking or not being able to say no to sex with someone other than their SO.
> And it's just that, an excuse*.
> ...


:iagree:

I couldn't agree more!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Phenix70 said:


> I'm 43, NEVER in the 20+ years I've been able to drink, have I ever felt the need to hook up with someone in a bar due to my drinking alcohol at that time.
> For people to equate bars/alcohol with people looking to cheat is just blame shifting.
> People will use any excuse they can to not accept responsibility for their actions, whether it's drinking or not being able to say no to sex with someone other than their SO.
> And it's just that, an excuse.
> ...


Yeah it can be in church. The bible mentions that the wicket have greedy and lustful eyes. A cheater does, just just have to pay attention.


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## DuoMaxwell (Jul 13, 2013)

Bars aren't for hookups. They're for having drinks, with friends. If your partner goes to a bar on their own, they're either some kind of alcoholic, or are looking to pull.

I can't see an issue with letting your partner go to a bar without you, and anyone thinking it's purely for hookups is crazy.

However, men can be terrible, and will basically hit on girls all night in bars, and some go out specifically to do it. My other half gets hit on pretty much every time she goes out (without me being there).


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

DuoMaxwell said:


> Bars aren't for hookups. They're for having drinks, with friends. If your partner goes to a bar on their own, they're either some kind of alcoholic, or are looking to pull.
> 
> I can't see an issue with letting your partner go to a bar without you, and anyone thinking it's purely for hookups is crazy.
> 
> However, men can be terrible, and will basically hit on girls all night in bars, and some go out specifically to do it. My other half gets hit on pretty much every time she goes out (without me being there).


What do you expect?

What are her friends doing?


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