# 8 months and don't know what to do



## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Well, I'm back. Was on Spring Break this last week and spent time away from my H and it was nice. I feel bad about not missing him at all, but it was so good to get away and not worry about us always fighting. I had much anxiety about coming back home yesterday and that wasn't good for either of us. He said he was excited for me to come back, and I admitted that I wasn't. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of him giving me the silent treatment. I'm tired of being a stranger in our home. We've been married for 8 months now and it seems like it's been this way from the very beginning. I'm not sure if it is worth fixing. I'm not even sure I want to try anymore. He is now ready to try, but I have been fighting him since we got married and he has shut me out for so long that I don't know how to come back into our marriage. I feel so much happier and so much calmer when I am not with him. I don't even feel like I love him anymore....at least not the way someone should love their spouse, or boyfriend. I'm not sure what to do at this point and am looking for support and/or advice or just a similar story. It would be nice to talk to someone who understands my situation.


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## HoopsFan (Jan 13, 2011)

... not to mention your KU basketball team losing this weekend. j/k

I noticed you've gotten alot of reads and no replies. I think that's because its hard to tell you what to do and more people are in here with questions than answers. I know what its like to be tired of the same ole answers: MC, IC, read a book, talk to each other, spend more time alone. Yeah, I've tried all that and I'm still not finding any answers.

Be glad that you had a nice week to relax and nurture yourself. It's good to give to yourself sometimes so you can keep your mental health in check.

My biggest advice would be to make sure you don't have any children together until you've sorted this all out. Once they arrive, a clean break is MUCH more difficult. Try to have open, honest discussions with each other.

There is a book that some people like. It's called "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirchenbaum. Good luck.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

HOOPSFAN - Thanks for your reply. I didn't include tons of background info because I've posted on here quite a few times before and included a lot of that. Not sure how to link back to my previous threads, but I am 30 and in my first marriage. I have no kids. He is almost 37 and this is his 2nd marriage and he has 2 kids who he never sees despite having shared custody. Partially because she fights him all the time, but mostly because he's given up. This realization has kept me from having kids with him so far, so they are not factored into this equation. I want a family very badly. That's 1 reason I was ready to marry. But, I don't want to be a single-married mom. And if we do split, I don't want my kids to be fatherless. He is a nice guy, a good guy, but sometimes that is not enough. He can't open up to me and has been shutting me out ever since we got married. He is going to counseling to work on that and his anger issues (he tends to hold everything inside and then explode), but so far there haven't been many changes and I "checked out" long before he started going because of him shutting me out. 

I'll see if I can find the book. Thanks for the advice.


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