# Im so lost



## seriouslysad (Feb 16, 2013)

I dont even know where to begin. My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We have one son together and we have been separated and got back together 3 times. This is our 4th separation and we have been separated for 6 months. During every separation he dated, and I never did. This time he got a girlfriend again and I hooked up with my friend. Huge mistake whatever. The problem is I have never been this sad in my life. I have tried everything to move on and just 3 weeks ago he comes here and is like Im going to break up with my girlfriend blah blah blah. So I wait and wait. He never does, and he keep likes saying stuff about sex. I havent slept with him since he moved out, because well I was worried about the people he was with and if he was being safe. He uses this as an excuse for his dating or whatever. I never wanted a divorce but I dont see reconciling possible now and Im somehow shocked by the revelation of this painful truth. How do I overcome this sadness? When does the pain end?


----------



## Smokeyj (Dec 4, 2012)

Im so sorry to hear your story. I have a son too, but from a previous marriage and the thought of him loosing another father is unbearable, so I cant imagine what you must feel with him being your childs father. I think the problem we both have is letting them go back and forth in and out of our lives like a dam drive in. Thats why the pain wont stop, at least for me, I think. I have hope and everytime I see a glimmer of hope, then BAM! Im shut out again. It takes a toll on your self esteem. What is his stand on things? Does he want to come back because he loves you or did he get dumped so is treating you as a backup plan?


----------



## totamm (May 1, 2012)

I get that you're having marital problems.

I get that you've separated 4x.

I get that each time you separated your husband has dated and presumably had sex with at least one woman each time.

I get that this time you had sex with another guy.

Is there any strategy to these separations or any counseling whatsoever?

Or is it more like "We're having problems, let's separate and do whatever we want to whoever we want and then arbitrarily break up with those other people and get back together"

Because if that's what it is, I get why things aren't getting any better. My guess is that hubby is using separation as an excuse to sort of legally cheat on you.


----------



## seriouslysad (Feb 16, 2013)

Thats exactly how I feel about it because he always says "we were sep when I had sex with her". But when he found about my friend suddenly I had betrayed him and this is now and 6 months after walked out. I've begged him to go counseling. He says he will and then falls through. Thats what alot of it is, "I wont talk to her anymore, or I didnt make that dating site" its alot of talk. I just dont want to be sad about it anymore. Im certain he would not change.


----------



## seriouslysad (Feb 16, 2013)

I don't think he wants to come back. He says I only wanted to be with you and work things out but hes cheated so many many times, its impossible to believe what he says now. He even went as far as to say "I dont love you anymore" and then months later says OH I only said bc when I was nice to you I thought about being with you. Im like ..... being with your wife is wrong? I have lost just about all my friends, anyone that was a mutual friend and female I had to cut off because they were doing lots of listening to what I said about him and telling him about in way to try to sleep with him. This is why I now hate social media and Im supposed to write webpages. Almost all his affairs started on Facebook or some other site. Im frustrated with the world. I cant even get my homework done. I had 3.8 gpa in Computer information systems before he left, now I have a 2.8 and I lost the intership with State Farm. My life has gone to hell and back and Im trying to find some way to cope so that I can do something, Live normally a little.


----------



## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

What a terrible marriage. I cannot imagine the heartache and betrayal you must feel. I don't think I could ever trust a man like that. sounds to me like he's not mature enough for a committed relationship. You need to find some support and sort out what it is that keeps you tied to him. You need to boost your self-esteem and build your confidence. Focus on you for awhile.


----------



## seriouslysad (Feb 16, 2013)

I just wanted to say thanks now. You guys have renewed my faith in humanity again. I really needed that right now. I've come to place and its been very lonely. And youre right I know I could never trust him, I find all kinds of things on the internet(always uses the same screenname), its almost comical now. Sometimes I feel better. Right now I feel better. Thank you all.


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Keep feeling better. He is not worth your pain, and if he can't understand your fear of an std, then he is not caring about you either. He needs IC. He will never find happiness between the legs of another woman the way he is going.


----------

