# Financial information in divorce.



## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

Does anyone know of any good resources on the web or in print of how things may proceed for finances? Specifically I am thinking of retirement accounts, 401K, and banking, both pre marital and marital assets. How to divide and such. I realize this is a legal issue, but I am just looking for some guidance. I know that support payments are calculated, so that is not going to be an issue.

I am looking for info, as we have an appointment with a financial planner next Friday. Its not that I have huge assets, but what I do have I want to make sure gets divided correctly.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I just put in a search and read a bunch of stuff regarding the assets. In Texas, unless you have a prenup, most everything is 50/50 (all). Sometimes, if you can prove if you had assets prior to marriage than sometimes you get to keep them, but after a period of marriage (10 years example) than all bets are off!

Not sure about Michigan of course. Do you have an attorney yet?


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

Yeah, I have an attorney. I just wondered if anyone had any good info.

What I can gather in what I have read is that assets aquired prior to marriage (including retirement and 401k) are not included in the "marital asset" category. I'd have to see if there is any documentation on amounts at y2k timeframe. Now, the lawyer is going to be the ultimate source, but I wanted some info going into any meeting, so at least I was armed, and would not have to assume they were right. I don't like that. Especially as it sounds more and more llike the OM has made some bad decissions financially. I don't want to withold anything that J is entitled to or that the kids need, but I don't want to be the one to pay for his mistakes either.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

You can certainly put in a clause that says any spousal support ends when she cohabits or remarries. (I gave up a bunch of $$ when I remarried, I'll tell ya! I think it actually irritated the ex- that I would do that.)

Anyway, that's the main reason to go for spousal of N years rather than a lump sum where you essentially buy her out of the marriage. You can use it to avoid paying for someone else's keep!


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

Dobo: that is the same advice that my lawyer said to do - since she is only 33 and is able to work, there is no reason to make the spousal support longer than maybe 3 years, and end it when she remarries. never thought of the cohabits thing. I may have him add that.

I am still doing research on housing, and how that gets handled. Right now the house is a conventional with both of our names on it. Not sure how that changes when you get divorced. From what little I have been able to find, it sounds like a conventional has to be sold to chnge the name on the mortgage. 

I am thinking of selling the house to those two for the current value of the mortgage and getting out of that mess, since I will not really have a home with my travel. That would keep the kids in one home, by their school that they both love and with the friends they know. Better for them, plus I am starting to think that I will have to relocate when my next assignment is done in 2 years. That is just a hunch on my part, but the automotove field is not a happy place right now. Being out from under a mortgage would make that lots easier, althoug I really like having my own place to live.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

You can probably refinance and buy your wife out of her portion of the house if you plan to keep it. That's what most of my divorced friends ended up doing.

And absolutely put the cohabits thing in there. When my ex- put it in I balked at first but then thought yeah, that's fair. I also agree with you that at 33 she should be able to get on her feet again w/o a lot of problems. The view of spousal rather than alimony is that it is to help the dependent person over the hump toward independence. It isn't meant to set them up for life.

In my situation, I didn't have to return to work since I was getting enough support but decided to anyway. It made it easy to give up spousal. Plus, I didn't really need it anymore. It did what it was meant to do.

Regarding sellilng the house to the both of them, I doubt she'd go for it if she sees that cohabitation or remarriage loses her spousal. She's crazy for this guy right now but I don't think when it comes to money that she'll be willing to not only lose support from you but take on his baggage. And this is where things will get interesting between them. He probably thinks he's fallen into a free ride. HA!

What do you think about what constitutes cohabitation? If he maintains a separate residence but is there all of the time, what's the difference? That's where it gets tricky. I don't nkow what to advise there. 

I wish you could take the kids with you. Get a place near where you are now so school, etc. doesn't change if you're leaving the house with her. (Will she be able to afford it?) 

Nothing job-wise is positive right now. The idea that the recession is over is nonsense. But you have to go where there is work. I understand that far more than I care to.


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

The house thing is her idea! I dont' know how they would be able to afford it, although with the market we are in now, the current value is about what the mortgage is, so at least we are not under water on that. This would be a huge debt off me going forward. Sounds like OM is underwater on their house and they have a tough time moving forward on that. 

W has asked aobut my 401/retirement and how that would be handled. Yes, she will get part of that, but if she cashes that out to do what they need to do, there is obvious tax implications. I'm still digging on that too, as some things I read it just gets divided 50/50 and others say she gets half of what has accumulated during marriage. I had 10 years single prior to marriage, so I had accumulated some value prior to us, so that will be another item to discuss with the attorneys.

Yeah, my intent would be to get a place in the same community so I could be close by when I am home. Looks like I would be away from home half to 2/3 of the year, though. That is what would make the kids situation tough.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

That would make me sick to have that OM in my house. You bet he's thinking a free ride. Ha! Looks like she will get a reality check.

6 months before you can get a divorce in Michigan. Wow. Texas is a no fault state plus no period of separation needed. It takes 60 days. 

You are dealing with such a different "hand" than I am. I don't know how you keep from being nasty to her.


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

As far as the house, well, its over 30 years old. It is not in the best of shape in some places. Yeah, the thought of him living here is kinda strange, but when problems arise and neither of them have a clue what to do, I am sure part of me will smile. Does that make me sound cruel?

About being nasty, sometimes, I dont know either. I guess I am just a low stress, low disturbance kind of guy. Many things roll off me. I mean, what will that get me, a little feel good? It won't last. It doesn't help out our situation, me, her or the kids. You have read my posts, our past is pretty rocky, and I had a good sized hand in making things get the way they are. Not that what she is doing right now is excuseable. I just feel that life balances out. Somewhere there is a better future for me. If this is hers, I don't know. But I believe that life balances out in the long run.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

OMG no1...nothing about what you say sounds "cruel." Nothing. 

Keep thinking those good thoughts. They will get you through these times.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

PA is no fault but we had 6 months, too.

RE 401K, if yours has tanked the way mine has, you might walk out with your initial nut! 

She'll probably ask you to get enough life insurance to cover child support until the kids are 18 or 22, in her name. You may want to set that up as being in trust rather than to her specifically.

I will tell you that I haven't asked my ex- for proof of insurance since he originally bought it. I wouldnt' be surprised if he hasn't complied. He's been let off the hook in other financial ways, too. But not all divorcees are as understanding as me. ;-)


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## no1.daddy2kids (Jul 29, 2009)

I never thought about life insurance. Another good point. Thanks. I get covered by work and have a purhcased extra because of the house and such. I wonder if I can just leave them as being the beneficiaries and adjust as necessary as my future life changes.. Another good topic to discuss w/ the attorneys.

I adjusted my 401 in mid-08 - prior to things taking a dive. Glad I did. I kept probably 90% of my value. Things were swinging around too much and I did not like it. I wanted to wait unitl the election got done, and things settled down in the middle east. As it turned out... wise move...


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I wish you had called me and smacked me in the head about my complacency with my 401K!


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