# Being "emasculated"



## uhtred

I've seem some men claim that various things from their wives hiring a plumber, to carrying her purse is "emasculating". 

I'm wondering how many man think about this. Eg, when is a purse not just a bag for holding stuff, but a proxy for giving up ones masculinity. 

What sorts of things are emasculating and why?

Or maybe the great majority of men don't even think about this.


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## Yeswecan

I never really think about it. I do most repairs around the house. If it is something I don't think I can handle we hire a person who can. Only time my W insisted a professional to make the install was for our gas water heater. I had no problem at all with that. One less thing for me to do. The installer is responsible for all work. 

I do hold my W purse if she asks me. Like going to the ladies room. I have no issue that. Some strange looks since the purse did not match my outfit but what did I care.


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## sokillme

uhtred said:


> I've seem some men claim that various things from their wives hiring a plumber, to carrying her purse is "emasculating".
> 
> I'm wondering how many man think about this. Eg, when is a purse not just a bag for holding stuff, but a proxy for giving up ones masculinity.
> 
> What sorts of things are emasculating and why?
> 
> Or maybe the great majority of men don't even think about this.


What men on here have ever said that? The only "men" on here, I have heard about feeling this way are people who were posted about second hand. Even then it wasn't the men making the claim directly.

The only other time I have seen something like that is when their wives have had affairs. This is from abuse. Similarly to the way rape will cause long term sexual problems. Abuse causes trauma.


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## ConanHub

Can't say as I've ever felt that way.

I hold Mrs. Conan's purse if needed, by feminine products, call for a repairman if needed and I'm happy to shop for panties or bras with her!😁

I have heard about other men feeling emasculated but have never experienced it.

It might be something that is just inside them, a mental or emotional problem.


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## sa58

Real men are confident in who they are
and don't care what others think. Emasculated 
men lack confidence. I have had many of the same 
experiences as Yeswecan, and Conanhub and agree
and feel the same way 100 %


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## farsidejunky

The only times I felt that way have been when I dealt with general insecurity.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Shoot,

I'd have to think about this.

Regarding mundane stuff, from purse holding to hiring a plumber; not an issue and one less thing for me to worry about.

Buying feminine products? Btdt, not a problem. 
Invariably another woman in that aisle will offer to help as I'm playing hunt the pic on my phone. 

I already have a yard guy. 

I'm hard pressed to think of any home/ normal wife stuff for now. 

Good question!


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## BluesPower

uhtred said:


> I've seem some men claim that various things from their wives hiring a plumber, to carrying her purse is "emasculating".
> 
> I'm wondering how many man think about this. Eg, when is a purse not just a bag for holding stuff, but a proxy for giving up ones masculinity.
> 
> What sorts of things are emasculating and why?
> 
> Or maybe the great majority of men don't even think about this.


Carrying her purse is not emasculating, who would think that?

If you want to go, if you want her to get her **** together, or if her back is hurting, or she has to go to the bathroom, you carry her freaking purse. 

If a man thinks that, then he is already emasculated... FFS...


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## personofinterest

uhtred said:


> I've seem some men claim that various things from their wives hiring a plumber, to carrying her purse is "emasculating".
> 
> I'm wondering how many man think about this. Eg, when is a purse not just a bag for holding stuff, but a proxy for giving up ones masculinity.
> 
> What sorts of things are emasculating and why?
> 
> Or maybe the great majority of men don't even think about this.


Dressing down your husband in public is emasculating (and rude)

Making fun of your husband is emasculating (and crappy)

Undermining your husband (for example, if he has disciplined a child and you come in right behind him and counter his parenting) is emasculating. Yes, duh, if he is abusive then obviously that is not what I am talking about.

"Mothering" your husband can definitely be emasculating.

Holding a purse is not emasculating. That is just silly - yeah, it is. suck it up. Going to Walgreens to get your wife some pads is not emasculating. Stop whining.

Hiring a plumber....it depends. If I roll my eyes and say "I'll call someone cause you'll just turn our house into the Titanic" would be emasculating IMO, especially if in front of others. Hiring a plumber because no one has been able to use the downstairs bathroom in 3 months and hubby keeps making excuses? No, hiring a plumber is not emasculating. It's just efficient.

I just noticed someone mentioned an affair. I can understand why a cheating wife would make one "feel" emasculated. But really, she has just shown that she is a crappy person who makes immoral choices. That says way more about HER, not the man.


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## BluesPower

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Shoot,
> 
> I'd have to think about this.
> 
> Regarding mundane stuff, from purse holding to hiring a plumber; not an issue and one less thing for me to worry about.
> 
> Buying feminine products? Btdt, not a problem.
> Invariably another woman in that aisle will offer to help as I'm playing hunt the pic on my phone.
> 
> I already have a yard guy.
> 
> I'm hard pressed to think of any home/ normal wife stuff for now.
> 
> Good question!


This is good. I don't do yard work, I don't want to. I work hard so I can afford it. I hate it. 

Buying what she wants or what your daughter wants, when she was at home, who cares? 

If I cannot get to something fast enough, and she hires a plumber, well... OK, as long as she pays for it, so she can understand how much money I save by DIY stuff. 

I think that this is in the guys mind, and I think it boils down to, you are who you are and you like yourself, or you don't...

But as usual, I am a simple man...


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## PigglyWiggly

I find the spin cycle seat at the gym to be emasculating. I solved that by bringing a 9/16 wrench to tilt the seat down one notch and bought a padded seat cover. Remasculated


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## BluesPower

personofinterest said:


> Dressing down your husband in public is emasculating (and rude)
> 
> Making fun of your husband is emasculating (and crappy)
> 
> Undermining your husband (for example, if he has disciplined a child and you come in right behind him and counter his parenting) is emasculating. Yes, duh, if he is abusive then obviously that is not what I am talking about.
> 
> "Mothering" your husband can definitely be emasculating.
> 
> Holding a purse is not emasculating. That is just silly - yeah, it is. suck it up. Going to Walgreens to get your wife some pads is not emasculating. Stop whining.
> 
> Hiring a plumber....it depends. If I roll my eyes and say "I'll call someone cause you'll just turn our house into the Titanic" would be emasculating IMO, especially if in front of others. Hiring a plumber because no one has been able to use the downstairs bathroom in 3 months and hubby keeps making excuses? No, hiring a plumber is not emasculating. It's just efficient.
> 
> I just noticed someone mentioned an affair. I can understand why a cheating wife would make one "feel" emasculated. But really, she has just shown that she is a crappy person who makes immoral choices. That says way more about HER, not the man.


Any man that would put up with some of this stuff, is, like a already said, already emasculated. 

My wife's affair did not emasculate me, I was twice the man that her AP was and she knew it. 

As far as that goes, I was more embarrassed that she did not pick someone better than me, so maybe that emasculated me, I don't know. 

She was just a moron, and she knew it and paid the price, it was really no sweat of my nose...


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## CharlieParker

personofinterest said:


> Going to Walgreens to get your wife some pads is not emasculating. Stop whining.


I always looked at that as advertising I had a woman. Now that is a thing of the past I'm not sure how I'd feel about buying Replens in person (moot as it's an Amazon subscription).


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## EllisRedding

IDK, nothing that my W has done or that I have done on her behalf has ever made me feel emasculated. She probably wouldn't want me carrying her purse in public anyhow as I would probably make a spectacle lol


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## personofinterest

EllisRedding said:


> IDK, nothing that my W has done or that I have done on her behalf has ever made me feel emasculated. She probably wouldn't want me carrying her purse in public anyhow as I would probably make a spectacle lol


Based on your avatar, I could see you prancing down the sidewalk catwalk style asking strangers if the purse goes with your shoes  just for fun


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## TBT

uhtred said:


> Or maybe the great majority of men don't even think about this.


Whether a majority or a minority,this would be me. I know myself well enough and I'm secure in who I am.


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## StillSearching

TBT said:


> Whether a majority or a minority,this would be me. I know myself well enough and I'm secure in who I am.


I agree. I like most, ignore it.
But young men or boys can be emasculated by parents who subscribe to these harmful ideas.


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## TBT

StillSearching said:


> I agree. I like most, ignore it.
> *But young men or boys can be emasculated by parents who subscribe to these harmful ideas.*


I agree,and I also think it can snowball through their peer groups. That goes for young women or girls as well,though I'm not sure of the female equivalency of emasculation,either self felt or chosen to be perceived by others.


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## personofinterest

TBT said:


> I agree,and I also think it can snowball through their peer groups. That goes for young women or girls as well,though I'm not sure of the female equivalency of emasculation,either self felt or chosen to be perceived by others.


I can name a couple of female equivalencies - the idea that you have to "look" a certain way

The idea that you must believe X, Y and Z as some sort of female solidarity (or you don't get to be in the women's march)


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## happyhusband0005

I can't say I've ever felt emasculated by my wife. I mean carrying a purse is emasculating, I've never thought that. If people look at me weird I just look right back at them and yell "IT"S EUROPEAN".


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## TBT

personofinterest said:


> I can name a couple of female equivalencies - the idea that you have to "look" a certain way
> 
> The idea that you must believe X, Y and Z as some sort of female solidarity (or you don't get to be in the women's march)


I was thinking more of an equivalency in terms of the word emasculation,but that aside,I fully agree with your examples.


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## StillSearching

TBT said:


> I agree,and I also think it can snowball through their peer groups. That goes for young women or girls as well,though I'm not sure of the* female equivalency of emasculation*,either self felt or chosen to be perceived by others.


It's anti-feminine.
It's teaching young girls they are no different than boys, when everyone knows biology.
I say teach your young biology and nature, or not, at their peril. 
Nature will not be denied by man or woman. We are quite pretentious to think we know better.


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## uhtred

Sounds like that feeling isn't common. There was a thread long ago (sorry I forget by who) about someone who made a point of saying that they would never carry their wife's purse. Then being "emasculated" came up in another thread.

I was just curios of there were were a signifcant number of men who thought about it.


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## MJJEAN

I do the household repairs and many of the car repairs myself. I also so all the yard work. Need a kitchen faucet removed and a new one installed? Need a ceiling fan replaced? Need your brakes and rotors done? Need the lawn mowed and weeds whacked? I'm your gal. Does DH have a problem with that? Aw, hell, naw! He works avg 50-60 hrs a week and is just happy he didn't have to do it or pay out the nose for someone else to do it.


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## Andy1001

I was in a bar in London one night with my then girlfriend.There was three couples sitting near us and one woman in particular was getting drunker and louder by the minute.Her husband was trying to keep her quiet to no avail.
Another couple came in and stood at the bar,with that the drunk woman shouted over to the man who had just came in “Johny,when you’re finished with Katie tonight will you come over to my place,I need a man who knows what he’s doing”. 
It turned out they were next door neighbors.
The man at the bar ignored the drunk and then the three couples decided to leave because she was embarrassing everyone.As she was going out the door she shouted back to “Johny” hey! “At least give my so called husband a few pointers about ****ing a woman properly”.
I felt so embarrassed for the guy, this bar was heavily frequented by military personnel and all the men in the group were American servicemen.


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## Blondilocks

personofinterest said:


> Based on your avatar, I could see you prancing down the sidewalk catwalk style asking strangers if the purse goes with your shoes  just for fun


In Saturday Night Fever, Travolta was strutting down the sidewalk carrying a can of paint. I remember thinking "that can of paint should really be a purse".


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## MattMatt

Just for clarification:

UK women's purse










American woman's purse









Emasculating? No. But it might put a strain on your elbow!


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## Blondilocks

Pssst, @MattMatt, the first is a coin purse. The second is a shopping bag (I hope, anyway).


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## EllisRedding

Blondilocks said:


> Pssst, @MattMatt, the first is a coin purse. The second is a shopping bag (I hope, anyway).


That is why I rock the coin dispenser


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## PigglyWiggly

"it's a satchel!"


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## MattMatt

Blondilocks said:


> Pssst, @MattMatt, the first is a coin purse. The second is a shopping bag (I hope, anyway).


I know, but what are considered purses in the USA are handbags in the UK.

I used that big bag for dramatic effect. I'm a journalist! Exaggerating things is what we do!


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## uhtred

Generally drunk people only embarrass themselves. 




Andy1001 said:


> I was in a bar in London one night with my then girlfriend.There was three couples sitting near us and one woman in particular was getting drunker and louder by the minute.Her husband was trying to keep her quiet to no avail.
> Another couple came in and stood at the bar,with that the drunk woman shouted over to the man who had just came in “Johny,when you’re finished with Katie tonight will you come over to my place,I need a man who knows what he’s doing”.
> It turned out they were next door neighbors.
> The man at the bar ignored the drunk and then the three couples decided to leave because she was embarrassing everyone.As she was going out the door she shouted back to “Johny” hey! “At least give my so called husband a few pointers about ****ing a woman properly”.
> I felt so embarrassed for the guy, this bar was heavily frequented by military personnel and all the men in the group were American servicemen.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

You do know you are only accompanying a woman shopping as a her personal assistant and as her checkcard. Don't believe me, try recommending a shirt to her and watch her eyes roll. Its the way you feel when she asks you what a first down means. You have to love a woman to hold her purse cause it isnt getting you sex.


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## uhtred

I never really associated holding purses with sex. 

OTOH if the mall has a cheesecake factory (which the one near us does), I'm up with any excuse to go. 



UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> You do know you are only accompanying a woman shopping as a her personal assistant and as her checkcard. Don't believe me, try recommending a shirt to her and watch her eyes roll. Its the way you feel when she asks you what a first down means. You have to love a woman to hold her purse cause it isnt getting you sex.


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## LeGenDary_Man

uhtred said:


> I've seem some men claim that various things from their wives hiring a plumber, to carrying her purse is "emasculating".
> 
> I'm wondering how many man think about this. Eg, when is a purse not just a bag for holding stuff, but a proxy for giving up ones masculinity.
> 
> What sorts of things are emasculating and why?
> 
> Or maybe the great majority of men don't even think about this.


I have held my wife's purse/handbag in public places at times. Did not even blink in this regard. 

And I am a 'manly man' or really close.

To me, emasculating behavior is to counter my assertions in disrespectful ways in a social setting, or simply being disrespectful to me in a social setting. I will rather walk out then put up with disrespect for long. I am definitely not _all-knowing_ (not even close) but I have my share of experiences, observations, and like to keep myself informed.


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## NobodySpecial

uhtred said:


> I've seem some men claim that various things from their wives hiring a plumber, to carrying her purse is "emasculating".
> 
> I'm wondering how many man think about this. Eg, when is a purse not just a bag for holding stuff, but a proxy for giving up ones masculinity.
> 
> What sorts of things are emasculating and why?
> 
> Or maybe the great majority of men don't even think about this.


I can speak for my husband, as we have talked about it. After a wide ranging conversation, he summed up with something like you are not much of a man if something or someone can take manhood away from you. The topic came up organically because someone was complaining about having to hold his wife's purse. DH was like, dude, that's dumb. It's a bag not a dead cat.


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## NobodySpecial

MattMatt said:


> I know, but what are considered purses in the USA are handbags in the UK.
> 
> I used that big bag for dramatic effect. I'm a journalist! Exaggerating things is what we do!


Dude. No matter WHERE you are, a purse and a handbag are two different things.


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## kimduhan

i do not think about it that majoruty men


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## UpsideDownWorld11

NobodySpecial said:


> I can speak for my husband, as we have talked about it. After a wide ranging conversation, he summed up with something like you are not much of a man if something or someone can take manhood away from you. The topic came up organically because someone was complaining about having to hold his wife's purse. DH was like, dude, that's dumb. It's a bag not a dead cat.


Agreed, he is still a man, but more specifically, a husband appliance.


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## farsidejunky

Think about the internal dialogue that takes place in order for a man to arrive at "feeling emasculated" over someone else doing work in the house or holding a purse.

It is confirmation bias...just a different flavor of such. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## NobodySpecial

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Agreed, he is still a man, but more specifically, a husband appliance.


I am not sure what that means. I generally hold stuff for my husband when his hands are full. Is that unusual?


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## LeGenDary_Man

NobodySpecial said:


> I am not sure what that means. I generally hold stuff for my husband when his hands are full. Is that unusual?


My wife do the same when my hands are full. This is logical thing to do.


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## ConanHub

My wife is happy to hold my stuff when my hands are full of her stuff.;-)


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## UpsideDownWorld11

NobodySpecial said:


> UpsideDownWorld11 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Agreed, he is still a man, but more specifically, a husband appliance.
> 
> 
> 
> I am not sure what that means. I generally hold stuff for my husband when his hands are full. Is that unusual?
Click to expand...

No, you can be a wife appliance too 🙂. But if I see a dude holding a purse, usually with a shameful look, my first thought is poor guy... his wife holds a whip.


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## personofinterest

I feel sorry for any man who actually thinks holding his wife's purse is a big deal


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## ConanHub

Purse etiquette: It is ok to hold your wife's purse but you better never dig through it!!!


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## farsidejunky

ConanHub said:


> Purse etiquette: It is ok to hold your wife's purse but you better never dig through it!!!


Not for fear of what she might say, but rather fear of what may be found.

Some bells are better left unrung.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## NobodySpecial

ConanHub said:


> Purse etiquette: It is ok to hold your wife's purse but you better never dig through it!!!


Well really, only for your own sanity or safety.  

I am actually a minimalist. My purse contains next to nothing.


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## NobodySpecial

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> No, you can be a wife appliance too 🙂. But if I see a dude holding a purse, *usually with a shameful look*, my first thought is poor guy... his wife holds a whip.


I think what a *****, he can't even hold a bag with confidence. Lord help him if his wife or daughters need feminine hygiene products in a shopping trip he is doing. Or right. Real Men don't go grocery shopping. 

Hyperbole. There is no way I would ever notice who is holding what.


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## TheDudeLebowski

Here's the thing, some men here are like "I'll hold her purse, I might get funny looks but it doesn't bother me" the fact that you are perceiving "funny looks" from people kind of tells me you are at least a little self conscious about doing it. Stand in that same spot without a purse and people are going to look at you the same. Its only in your head they are looking at you differently without a purse vs with a purse. 

I remember when my wife was leaking milk after our first kid she didn't have a good bra to keep the pads in place right. Asked me to go buy a sports bra for her. Naturally I had no idea what I was looking for. So I asked another lady in the store, this was at Target. Boy did she seem uncomfortable with my approach and I probably sounded creepy just walking up to her asking what kind of sports bra should I buy for my wife. I don't think I worded things well and she was very short with her answers at first. Her body language was very closed off. Eventually I think she saw the desperation in my eyes and eased into helping me out much more. Once she determined I wasn't some creep attempting some weird come on, she visibly relaxed and really helped me look around for one asking about her size and shape and all. Nice lady. I never felt emasculated, I just felt helpless. Probably didn't help that I was sleep deprived at the time and probably looked like some wiry lunatic creepily asking random women for advice on purchasing a bra. :laugh:

The times I feel most self conscious is when I'm getting my wife flowers. I'm in my own head thinking everyone is looking at me wondering what I'm in the dog house for to buy flowers on a random Tuesday. Lol. Its all in my head of course. I see a dude buying flowers I don't ever think anything of it. I don't know why I get self conscious buying flowers but I do. Tampons or other feminine products, holding a purse, nothing like that ever bothers me in the slightest. Even going into the floral department I start feeling uneasy. :laugh: doesn't make any sense.


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## TheDudeLebowski

ConanHub said:


> Purse etiquette: It is ok to hold your wife's purse but you better never dig through it!!!


Some of my female co-workers often tell me to get something from their purse. Like if I am asking for an aspirin or something they're like "Yeah I have some in my purse go get one" and im always like "nah, you can get it out. I'll get it later when you're not busy" I'm not going in there! I'll dig through my wife's purse all day, but I'm not going in another lady's purse even with permission. "Don't be silly, there's a bottle of Advil in there, go get one if you need it" hell naw! That sounds like a trap to me. I'll wait haha.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

TheDudeLebowski said:


> ConanHub said:
> 
> 
> 
> Purse etiquette: It is ok to hold your wife's purse but you better never dig through it!!!
> 
> 
> 
> Some of my female co-workers often tell me to get something from their purse. Like if I am asking for an aspirin or something they're like "Yeah I have some in my purse go get one" and im always like "nah, you can get it out. I'll get it later when you're not busy" I'm not going in there! I'll dig through my wife's purse all day, but I'm not going in another lady's purse even with permission. "Don't be silly, there's a bottle of Advil in there, go get one if you need it" hell naw! That sounds like a trap to me. I'll wait haha.
Click to expand...

What do you think you may find? A used tampon or condom? Hypodermic needles? Never know....


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## TheDudeLebowski

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> What do you think you may find? A used tampon or condom? Hypodermic needles? Never know....


I'm more worried something gets misplaced by them and they figure "theDude was in my purse last!" Forget finding something. I don't care about that. When people lose stuff their first thought is "someone stole my stuff!" I think Jeff Foxworthy has a joke about someone stealing the remote control for your TV when you can't find it. "Someone stole the remote!"


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## farsidejunky

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> What do you think you may find? A used tampon or condom? Hypodermic needles? Never know....


*The replacement for the flux capacitor
*The outlet to the black hole at the edge of the Milky Way
*The last dodo
*Jimmy Hoffa

All are legit fears when one considers the variety of stuff it contains. 

One also may need crane service for assistance in holding said purse.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## ConanHub

farsidejunky said:


> *The replacement for the flux capacitor
> *The outlet to the black hole at the edge of the Milky Way
> *The last dodo
> *Jimmy Hoffa
> 
> All are legit fears when one considers the variety of stuff it contains.
> 
> One also may need crane service for assistance in holding said purse.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


Same thoughts here. There is a forbidding field of doom that prevents me from doing more than looking inside.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

ConanHub said:


> farsidejunky said:
> 
> 
> 
> *The replacement for the flux capacitor
> *The outlet to the black hole at the edge of the Milky Way
> *The last dodo
> *Jimmy Hoffa
> 
> All are legit fears when one considers the variety of stuff it contains.
> 
> One also may need crane service for assistance in holding said purse.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk
> 
> 
> 
> Same thoughts here. There is a forbidding field of doom that prevents me from doing more than looking inside.
Click to expand...

Tip of the Day: If you need a pen and she tells you to look in her purse....its in one of the pockets... Save yourself 15 minutes of futile searching and just drive to the nearest CVS and buy one.


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## NobodySpecial

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> What do you think you may find? A used tampon or condom? Hypodermic needles? Never know....


Not the point. I mean, I am not sure what the point is. But I would not go into someone else' bag. Gym bag, purse, whatever.


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## NobodySpecial

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Tip of the Day: If you need a pen and she tells you to look in her purse....its in one of the pockets... Save yourself 15 minutes of futile searching and just drive to the nearest CVS and buy one.


LOL! That literally cracked me up.


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## Rubix Cubed

The only time you should feel emasculated holding a purse for your wife is if it matches your mini-skirt and pumps and maybe your mascara.


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## OnTheFly

Little known fact: that scene at the end of Raiders Of The Lost Ark, yeah, that big golden box was a purse. Be warned.


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## farsidejunky

Rubix Cubed said:


> The only time you should feel emasculated holding a purse for your wife is if it matches your mini-skirt and pumps and maybe your mascara.


I was so busy bracing myself from falling into that chasm of stuff that I didn't even think to be embarrassed by it.

Thanks for pointing it out, ****.

Let me go put the pumps away now...

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## pbj2016

If your masculinity can be taken away by someone or something perhaps it wasn’t yours to begin with.


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## Rubix Cubed

farsidejunky said:


> I was so busy bracing myself from falling into that chasm of stuff that I didn't even think to be embarrassed by it.
> 
> Thanks for pointing it out, ****.
> 
> Let me go put the pumps away now...
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


 It's OK, there's nothing wrong with that these days. It's just really hard to be masculine in pumps, a mini-skirt, and mascara. Not impossible though, that dude in the convenience store that snapped over the sir/maam bit pulled it off. :wink2: You'll be fine, cupcake.


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## NobodySpecial

pbj2016 said:


> If your masculinity can be taken away by someone or something perhaps it wasn’t yours to begin with.


QFT


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## NobodySpecial

farsidejunky said:


> ...
> 
> One also may need crane service for assistance in holding said purse.


Osteoporosis is a legit concern for women. Weight training is considered crucial.


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## personofinterest

NobodySpecial said:


> farsidejunky said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...
> 
> One also may need crane service for assistance in holding said purse.
> 
> 
> 
> Osteoporosis is a legit concern for women. Weight training is considered crucial. <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Smile" ></a>
Click to expand...

Can I count carrying my purse as Weight Watchers activity points????


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## farsidejunky

personofinterest said:


> Can I count carrying my purse as Weight Watchers activity points????


Depending on weight, it may even count as leg day.


----------



## NobodySpecial

personofinterest said:


> Can I count carrying my purse as Weight Watchers activity points????


mmmm, I don't remember WW counting weights as points, just cardio.


----------



## personofinterest

NobodySpecial said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> 
> Can I count carrying my purse as Weight Watchers activity points????
> 
> 
> 
> mmmm, I don't remember WW counting weights as points, just cardio.
Click to expand...

The new weight watchers does, but I was just joking


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

farsidejunky said:


> Depending on weight, it may even count as leg day.


Every day is leg day when you have these massive balls of steel


----------



## NobodySpecial

personofinterest said:


> The new weight watchers does, but I was just joking


Me too.


----------



## The Onion Knight

When holding a purse just pretend you’re holding a dead duck. Problem solved. Stuff like that does not bother me. 

Getting brow beat in public because she knows I won’t fight in public. Now that’s emasculating.


----------



## Talker67

if a wife hires a plumber WITHOUT first discussing it with her husband.....yes that is emasculating. It implies he can not do the work.

If she discusses it with hubby, and he says he does not want to try, or does not have the time....then it is not emasculating in the least bit.


----------



## EllisRedding

Talker67 said:


> *if a wife hires a plumber WITHOUT first discussing it with her husband.....yes that is emasculating. It implies he can not do the work.*
> 
> If she discusses it with hubby, and he says he does not want to try, or does not have the time....then it is not emasculating in the least bit.


Huh? My wife knows I know nothing about plumbing and work a lot of hours. So her taking the initiative to have a household issue fixed without discussing with me first, this is somehow emasculating? For all you guys feeling "emasculated", you really need to get your insecurities in check...


----------



## Talker67

EllisRedding said:


> Huh? My wife knows I know nothing about plumbing and work a lot of hours. So her taking the initiative to have a household issue fixed without discussing with me first, this is somehow emasculating? For all you guys feeling "emasculated", you really need to get your insecurities in check...


did you discuss this ineptitude with her previously? in that case, you already gave her permission to do it.

If my wife called the plumber to do something for $500 that i could do with a $20 trip to home depot and an hour of my time.....i would have to shoot her


----------



## EllisRedding

Talker67 said:


> did you discuss this ineptitude with her previously? in that case, you already gave her permission to do it.
> 
> If my wife called the plumber to do something for $500 that i could do with a $20 trip to home depot and an hour of my time.....i would have to shoot her


See, that has nothing to do with being emasculated. That has to do with common sense, talking to each other before possibly dropping $500 on something that could be done for $20.


----------



## uhtred

Hmm, I don't get that. 

If my wife takes her own time to get some household chore done, that seems great to me. I earn more than a typical plumber, so I'd rather we pay someone else to do the work than to do it myself. 

Usually she will tell me she is calling someone to work on the house, but I don't feel any *need* to know. 





Talker67 said:


> if a wife hires a plumber WITHOUT first discussing it with her husband.....yes that is emasculating. It implies he can not do the work.
> 
> If she discusses it with hubby, and he says he does not want to try, or does not have the time....then it is not emasculating in the least bit.


----------



## uhtred

Agreed. 
One of the great things about civilization is that you can hire experts to do specialized jobs. Plumbing, carpentry, software, operating heavy equipment, astrophysics, brain surgery, painting etc.

There is no way a single person can be talented at everything, so I have no problem calling in experts for the the things I don't know how to do. 

If we were in a post-apocalyptic world, I"d figure out how to fix the plumbing, otherwise why not just call someone who already knows.





EllisRedding said:


> Huh? My wife knows I know nothing about plumbing and work a lot of hours. So her taking the initiative to have a household issue fixed without discussing with me first, this is somehow emasculating? For all you guys feeling "emasculated", you really need to get your insecurities in check...


----------



## NobodySpecial

Talker67 said:


> if a wife hires a plumber WITHOUT first discussing it with her husband.....yes that is emasculating. It implies he can not do the work.
> 
> If she discusses it with hubby, and he says he does not want to try, or does not have the time....then it is not emasculating in the least bit.


Funny meme I saw the other day. If he said he is going to do it, he will do it. He does not need to be reminded every 6 months.


----------



## Deejo

These days, what tends to constitute masculinity is certainly under scrutiny. What men define as masculine and what women define as masculine, I don't think are necessarily equivalent.

I think the same can be said for what constitutes feeling emasculated.

I can cook (quite well, in fact I do most of it), I can do laundry, iron, clean the kitchen and see to it the kids are in bed when they are supposed to be. None of those really ring the brass bell of manliness, but from a partnering perspective they are indispensable. My wife appreciates and counts on the fact that I can make those things happen if required.

Were she to instead take a derogatory perspective on my domestic utility, and point that out amongst mixed company, friends, or whatever, outsiders could certainly define that as emasculating behavior. But I wouldn't feel emasculated ... I'd just point out to her that she's being disrespectful ... which in our rulebook is not OK.

There are distinctly some actions and activities that 'demonstrate value' from a male perspective, that if you can't or just don't pull off, I think you open yourself up to some criticism. If you get a flat tire on the highway and you let your wife break out and change the tire while you sit and Facebook how awesome your wife is, because you don't know how to use a jack, I'd expect that you may earn some flack over that.

As for the plumber story, mine instead deals with electricity. We got a new fixture to put up in the office. Turned off the breakers, took the old pendant lamp down, and went to hook up the new one ... and lo and behold there were live wires. I cursed ... loudly.
I turned off the breakers in the surrounding rooms ... wires still live, so I inform her that the light isn't going up and we need an electrician. (Been in our new home just under a year)
I know very little about wiring. She knows nothing about wiring. She knows she wants the friggin' light fixture up.
"Maybe you should call Bill." Bill being husband of a friend, and he can look at it. 
I inform her, that she is welcome to call her friend and have Bill come over, and to make sure Bill understands the live wire cluster doesn't appear to be part of the indicated circuit.
I get a text from Bill the next afternoon suggesting we need an electrician.

"Thanks Bill."

In my wifes case, I'm not so sure that it was a matter that she didn't think that I was capable, as much as she just wanted results. Light still isn't up ...


----------



## Bluesclues

However many years ago a new couple and their child moved in down the end of the culdesac. Soon after we had a big snow storm, 3+ feet and the kind of snow that is impossible to move out of the end of the driveway when the plow has gone by 20x. My husband had finished doing our driveway when the wife of the new couple walked by and asked if he could help clear the end of their driveway since they only had a shovel. 

He really didn’t want to because he was tired from doing ours but I convinced him it was the nice neighborly thing to do. So he tredges off down the street with our snowblower and I see him coming back a few minutes later. Turns out the husband of the new couple was pissed. “I told you I would handle it, I don’t need this guys help!” My husband was emabarrased and ticked at me and the wife for putting him in that position. The guy was out there at the end of the driveway for hours. 

I recall feeling bad for the wife at the time. Over the years we have seen their dynamic - he is very meek and quiet - she is scary domineering. Not just to her husband, to everyone. When they come around selling Girl Scout cookies people are afraid to say no to her. Maybe that was his moment to stand up to her, who knows.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Deejo said:


> These days, what tends to constitute masculinity is certainly under scrutiny. What men define as masculine and what women define as masculine, I don't think are necessarily equivalent.
> 
> I think the same can be said for what constitutes feeling emasculated.
> 
> I can cook (quite well, in fact I do most of it), I can do laundry, iron, clean the kitchen and see to it the kids are in bed when they are supposed to be. None of those really ring the brass bell of manliness, but from a partnering perspective they are indispensable. My wife appreciates and counts on the fact that I can make those things happen if required.
> 
> Were she to instead take a derogatory perspective on my domestic utility, and point that out amongst mixed company, friends, or whatever, outsiders could certainly define that as emasculating behavior. But I wouldn't feel emasculated ... I'd just point out to her that she's being disrespectful ... which in our rulebook is not OK.
> 
> There are distinctly some actions and activities that 'demonstrate value' from a male perspective, that if you can't or just don't pull off, I think you open yourself up to some criticism. If you get a flat tire on the highway and you let your wife break out and change the tire while you sit and Facebook how awesome your wife is, because you don't know how to use a jack, I'd expect that you may earn some flack over that.
> 
> As for the plumber story, mine instead deals with electricity. We got a new fixture to put up in the office. Turned off the breakers, took the old pendant lamp down, and went to hook up the new one ... and lo and behold there were live wires. I cursed ... loudly.
> I turned off the breakers in the surrounding rooms ... wires still live, so I inform her that the light isn't going up and we need an electrician. (Been in our new home just under a year)
> I know very little about wiring. She knows nothing about wiring. She knows she wants the friggin' light fixture up.
> "Maybe you should call Bill." Bill being husband of a friend, and he can look at it.
> I inform her, that she is welcome to call her friend and have Bill come over, and to make sure Bill understands the live wire cluster doesn't appear to be part of the indicated circuit.
> I get a text from Bill the next afternoon suggesting we need an electrician.
> 
> "Thanks Bill."
> 
> In my wifes case, I'm not so sure that it was a matter that she didn't think that I was capable, as much as she just wanted results. Light still isn't up ...


 I doubt you will attempt any more electrical work, but a little tip for you. If the light is on and doesn't go out when you flip a breaker it's still live. If it does go out and is still live you need to have your house rewired.


----------



## GusPolinski

NobodySpecial said:


> Funny meme I saw the other day. If he said he is going to do it, he will do it. He does not need to be reminded every 6 months.


True story.


----------



## Deejo

Rubix Cubed said:


> I doubt you will attempt any more electrical work, but a little tip for you. If the light is on and doesn't go out when you flip a breaker it's still live. If it does go out and is still live you need to have your house rewired.


Light went out. Had several subsequent conversations with neighbors. Our circumstances aren't unique.


----------



## turnera

uhtred said:


> Agreed.
> One of the great things about civilization is that you can hire experts to do specialized jobs. Plumbing, carpentry, software, operating heavy equipment, astrophysics, brain surgery, painting etc.
> 
> There is no way a single person can be talented at everything, so I have no problem calling in experts for the the things I don't know how to do.
> 
> If we were in a post-apocalyptic world, I"d figure out how to fix the plumbing, otherwise why not just call someone who already knows.


My husband can do everything related to a house. Which is why he's 'forbidden' me to ever hire someone, for 40 years. If I do, he throws a fit about the money wasted. The only trade we've ever hired is an A/C man, cos he hates working on them.

Our problem is that he doesn't want to DO any of the things that need doing, so I'm stuck between waiting (took him 3 years to install a new toilet, while I had to use the guest bathroom) or finding the money to pay someone and enduring his wrath.


----------



## Mr. Nail

Bluesclues said:


> However many years ago a new couple and their child moved in down the end of the culdesac. Soon after we had a big snow storm, 3+ feet and the kind of snow that is impossible to move out of the end of the driveway when the plow has gone by 20x. My husband had finished doing our driveway when the wife of the new couple walked by and asked if he could help clear the end of their driveway since they only had a shovel.
> 
> He really didn’t want to because he was tired from doing ours but I convinced him it was the nice neighborly thing to do. So he tredges off down the street with our snowblower and I see him coming back a few minutes later. Turns out the husband of the new couple was pissed. “I told you I would handle it, I don’t need this guys help!” My husband was emabarrased and ticked at me and the wife for putting him in that position. The guy was out there at the end of the driveway for hours.
> 
> I recall feeling bad for the wife at the time. Over the years we have seen their dynamic - he is very meek and quiet - she is scary domineering. Not just to her husband, to everyone. When they come around selling Girl Scout cookies people are afraid to say no to her. Maybe that was his moment to stand up to her, who knows.


Just buy the cookies, I tax 20 / year to help girls be stronger women. 

I share a driveway with my neighbors. When they moved in as newlyweds I told them not to buy a snow blower as mine could handle the job. It may soon be time to let him use my snow blower. Sometimes they need to leave before I get it done. She is a professional and he is finishing an advanced degree. She is terribly shy and had to ask me to push her out of the drive way this past winter because her husband had taken the AWD Subaru to school.


----------



## uhtred

I think there are separate issues of pride and money (though sometimes people use the second to excuse the first). 

Depending on your financial situation and on how busy he is, it may make sense for him to do the work - but if he is too busy to do it, the there really isn't any choice. 

Some people also enjoy working on things around the house. 

Personally, if I can pay someone to do something, I'd rather have the free time to do things I enjoy. 





turnera said:


> My husband can do everything related to a house. Which is why he's 'forbidden' me to ever hire someone, for 40 years. If I do, he throws a fit about the money wasted. The only trade we've ever hired is an A/C man, cos he hates working on them.
> 
> Our problem is that he doesn't want to DO any of the things that need doing, so I'm stuck between waiting (took him 3 years to install a new toilet, while I had to use the guest bathroom) or finding the money to pay someone and enduring his wrath.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

Talker67 said:


> if a wife hires a plumber WITHOUT first discussing it with her husband.....yes that is emasculating. It implies he can not do the work.
> 
> If she discusses it with hubby, and he says he does not want to try, or does not have the time....then it is not emasculating in the least bit.


I have the opposite issue. My wife thinks I can fix everything and charges me with the task of figuring out how to do it in order to save money. I own a few screw drivers, some crescent wrenches, and a drill. I don't even have a proper tool kit, yet apparently I'm the "handiest man alive" when it comes to home and auto repairs. No experience necessary for that title either. 

Her: *calling me while I'm working* "Hey, our garage door opener just went out. Do you think you can pick one up tomorrow on your day off and install it?"

Me: "I mean, I don't even know how to do that"

Her: "I watched a YouTube video, it doesn't look hard"

Me: *under my breath "chit!"* "ok, sure. Guessing you already purchased a new one for in store pickup?"

Her: "yes, its at Lowe's" 


And there went my day off. You name it, she thinks I can do it with no experience at all. Guess she's confident in her man, so that is flattering. But some of this stuff takes me 6 hours for what is probably a 30 minute job for a professional who has the actual tools for the job and knows what he's doing.


----------



## NobodySpecial

turnera said:


> My husband can do everything related to a house. Which is why he's 'forbidden' me to ever hire someone, for 40 years. If I do, he throws a fit about the money wasted. The only trade we've ever hired is an A/C man, cos he hates working on them.
> 
> Our problem is that he doesn't want to DO any of the things that need doing, so I'm stuck between waiting (took him 3 years to install a new toilet, while I had to use the guest bathroom) or finding the money to pay someone and enduring his wrath.


My situation is not yours. But if my DH does not want me to hire and then does not do the thing after some period of time, I hire. He is welcome to pitch a fit if he wants to. Of course, he doesn't. He usually says - yah **** I kept forgetting to do it. But two things, 1. my husband is not a selfish, useless <expletive> that yours seems to be. 2. I ask if there is a reason unknown to me that he has not done it before I leap to a conclusion. Sometimes it is a matter of not finding the solution or a part or something.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Deejo said:


> Light went out. Had several subsequent conversations with neighbors. Our circumstances aren't unique.


 I had that happen once and if IIRC it was a swapped neutral and hot wire on that circuit. It'll get your attention that's for sure.

On original topic:
For the sake of saving money, which I'm not flush with, I do almost everything around our house and on our cars. My wife, who was mad at me at the time, bypassed that awhile back to try to make a point by calling AAA to change a tire in my front yard while I was home. Of course, they scratched the rim up. "If you want something done right, do it yourself" is the reason I do all my own stuff. I know my level of quality control. As far as the AAA/tire thing I felt disrespected and I must say a bit emasculated looking out the window at these 2 goons pulling a wheel. I guess I could have gone out and run them off but that would probably make me look a bit nuts, so I just let it happen, then told Mrs. RC that if it happened again I would have zero qualms selling the car I bought her and she could sort that out. I, of course, had to track down a used tire ( discontinued) to match the other 3 and have it mounted and balanced (they scratched the rim more, I guess I need to buy a tire machine and a balancer as well) then put it back on the car. So nothing was gained except a scratched up rim and pissing me off.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

Deejo said:


> Light went out. Had several subsequent conversations with neighbors. Our circumstances aren't unique.


No they aren't unique at all. That's actually quite common. Ask me how I know :grin2:


----------



## ConanHub

Bluesclues said:


> However many years ago a new couple and their child moved in down the end of the culdesac. Soon after we had a big snow storm, 3+ feet and the kind of snow that is impossible to move out of the end of the driveway when the plow has gone by 20x. My husband had finished doing our driveway when the wife of the new couple walked by and asked if he could help clear the end of their driveway since they only had a shovel.
> 
> He really didn’t want to because he was tired from doing ours but I convinced him it was the nice neighborly thing to do. So he tredges off down the street with our snowblower and I see him coming back a few minutes later. Turns out the husband of the new couple was pissed. “I told you I would handle it, I don’t need this guys help!” My husband was emabarrased and ticked at me and the wife for putting him in that position. The guy was out there at the end of the driveway for hours.
> 
> I recall feeling bad for the wife at the time. Over the years we have seen their dynamic - he is very meek and quiet - she is scary domineering. Not just to her husband, to everyone. When they come around selling Girl Scout cookies people are afraid to say no to her. Maybe that was his moment to stand up to her, who knows.


Now that would tick me off too.

If I decide to do something, it means I want to and I know what it entails.

There are sometimes I like hard work and exertion.

If I wanted to burn some calories by shoveling for a few hours, that would be my choice. I have had to get Mrs. C off my back because of her good intentions occasionally when I want to do something myself or my way.


----------



## farsidejunky

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I have the opposite issue. My wife thinks I can fix everything and charges me with the task of figuring out how to do it in order to save money. I own a few screw drivers, some crescent wrenches, and a drill. I don't even have a proper tool kit, yet apparently I'm the "handiest man alive" when it comes to home and auto repairs. No experience necessary for that title either.
> 
> 
> 
> Her: *calling me while I'm working* "Hey, our garage door opener just went out. Do you think you can pick one up tomorrow on your day off and install it?"
> 
> 
> 
> Me: "I mean, I don't even know how to do that"
> 
> 
> 
> Her: "I watched a YouTube video, it doesn't look hard"
> 
> 
> 
> Me: *under my breath "chit!"* "ok, sure. Guessing you already purchased a new one for in store pickup?"
> 
> 
> 
> Her: "yes, its at Lowe's"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And there went my day off. You name it, she thinks I can do it with no experience at all. Guess she's confident in her man, so that is flattering. But some of this stuff takes me 6 hours for what is probably a 30 minute job for a professional who has the actual tools for the job and knows what he's doing.


Why do you allow this?

She does it because you acquiesce. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

farsidejunky said:


> Why do you allow this?
> 
> She does it because you acquiesce.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


I allow this because I too have access to our bank account and can see the numbers lol. Some highly rated supposedly extremely fair priced mechanic shop in our area wanted $1200 for replacing spark plugs and coils on her Jeep. Parts cost me about $240 and I only needed to replace #6 coil after looking them over. $960 in savings for what took me 8 hours as with that jeep you have to remove the upper intake manifold to access 2,4,&6. And I have crappy tools so some of those bolts in hard to reach places made me remove other stuff to get to them where a mechanic would probably have some flexible small tools to get in there. Or I would make little 1/8th turns on the bolt at a time taking forever because I didn't have the right tool, just a tool that would barely work. 

Either way, that's $960 bucks man. For 8 hours of work. If I had a job that paid me that well, I would have gladly hired a mechanic.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11

TheDudeLebowski said:


> farsidejunky said:
> 
> 
> 
> Why do you allow this?
> 
> She does it because you acquiesce.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk
> 
> 
> 
> I allow this because I too have access to our bank account and can see the numbers lol. Some highly rated supposedly extremely fair priced mechanic shop in our area wanted $1200 for replacing spark plugs and coils on her Jeep. Parts cost me about $240 and I only needed to replace #6 coil after looking them over. $960 in savings for what took me 8 hours as with that jeep you have to remove the upper intake manifold to access 2,4,&6. And I have crappy tools so some of those bolts in hard to reach places made me remove other stuff to get to them where a mechanic would probably have some flexible small tools to get in there. Or I would make little 1/8th turns on the bolt at a time taking forever because I didn't have the right tool, just a tool that would barely work.
> 
> Either way, that's $960 bucks man. For 8 hours of work. If I had a job that paid me that well, I would have gladly hired a mechanic.
Click to expand...

And when you fix stuff, the usual reward is high powered poon.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

farsidejunky said:


> Why do you allow this?
> 
> She does it because you acquiesce.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk



I just also want to point out that people ask things of their spouses that they know they don't particularly enjoy doing. Welcome to marriage and life in general. I see this question pop up a lot on this forum particularly. "Why do you allow this?" This question should probably be reserved for things like cheating, abuse, undermining your spouse with your kids, public ridicule, things of that nature. 

Asking your spouse to get **** done that needs to be done isn't really one of the areas where you should be offended and they aren't wrong for asking these things of you either. If you acquiesce, this doesn't automatically mean you are being steam rolled by a nefarious or lazy spouse. Maybe I'm the lazy one for reluctantly agreeing while cursing under my breath that I wont be able to sit around and do nothing all day.


----------



## Talker67

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Her: *calling me while I'm working* *"Hey, our garage door opener just went out. Do you think you can pick one up tomorrow on your day off and install it?"*
> 
> Me: "I mean, I don't even know how to do that"
> 
> Her: "I watched a YouTube video, it doesn't look hard"
> 
> Me: *under my breath "chit!"* "ok, sure. Guessing you already purchased a new one for in store pickup?"
> 
> Her: "yes, its at Lowe's"
> 
> 
> And there went my day off. You name it, she thinks I can do it with no experience at all. Guess she's confident in her man, so that is flattering. But some of this stuff takes me 6 hours for what is probably a 30 minute job for a professional who has the actual tools for the job and knows what he's doing.


The funny/scary thing is....garage doors can actually be VERY dangerous. The type that have big springs, can take your head off if the cable snaps!


----------



## farsidejunky

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I just also want to point out that people ask things of their spouses that they know they don't particularly enjoy doing. Welcome to marriage and life in general. I see this question pop up a lot on this forum particularly. "Why do you allow this?" This question should probably be reserved for things like cheating, abuse, undermining your spouse with your kids, public ridicule, things of that nature.
> 
> 
> 
> Asking your spouse to get **** done that needs to be done isn't really one of the areas where you should be offended and they aren't wrong for asking these things of you either. If you acquiesce, this doesn't automatically mean you are being steam rolled by a nefarious or lazy spouse. Maybe I'm the lazy one for reluctantly agreeing while cursing under my breath that I wont be able to sit around and do nothing all day.


It's okay until it isn't. 

The line is occasionally crossed where **** that "needs" to get done is actually **** that she "wants" done...which is far different. 

When the latter is attempted to be forced via the method you described in your post, my response is for her to pay to hire someone to do it... assuming it is that important. 

Otherwise, we can discuss a time to do it that works for me. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I have the opposite issue. My wife thinks I can fix everything and charges me with the task of figuring out how to do it in order to save money. I own a few screw drivers, some crescent wrenches, and a drill. I don't even have a proper tool kit, yet apparently I'm the "handiest man alive" when it comes to home and auto repairs. No experience necessary for that title either.
> 
> Her: *calling me while I'm working* "Hey, our garage door opener just went out. Do you think you can pick one up tomorrow on your day off and install it?"
> 
> Me: "I mean, I don't even know how to do that"
> 
> Her: "I watched a YouTube video, it doesn't look hard"
> 
> Me: *under my breath "chit!"* "ok, sure. Guessing you already purchased a new one for in store pickup?"
> 
> Her: "yes, its at Lowe's"
> 
> 
> And there went my day off. You name it, she thinks I can do it with no experience at all. Guess she's confident in her man, so that is flattering. But some of this stuff takes me 6 hours for what is probably a 30 minute job for a professional who has the actual tools for the job and knows what he's doing.


My wife is totally awesome about this sort of thing. If she catches a youtube that makes it look easy, she just does it herself. She is eminently practical. As such, she knows that if a youtube is all the instruction necessary, she can do it as well as me... and she goes ahead and does it.

Now if it's something that takes specific technical skill, tools, or even just brute manly strength, at this point, her first inclination is to hire a pro. Not because she thinks I can't do it, but because she gives me credit for working hard and believes my weekends should be my own (or at least partly hers). So even if I can do it in a day and a pro can do it in an hour, she'll hire the pro and have it done before the weekend arrives. Time for me to ride makes me happy and easy to live with, which makes us both happy. Time for me to spend with her makes us both happy and keeps the bonds strong. Also, when I get frustrated struggling with something I don't do every day, I have been known to curse or throw things, which kills her mood. So she calls hiring a pro marriage therapy, and that seems to fit pretty well. 

If I was to have any kind of complaint, it would be that I sometimes get great satisfaction out of accomplishing something new and useful myself. I'd at least like the opportunity to be part of the decision to do something myself rather than hiring out. We're working on that one. Communication is key, as always.


----------



## StillSearching

How in the world did she troubleshoot a garage door opener as the exact problem?


----------



## TheDudeLebowski

farsidejunky said:


> It's okay until it isn't.
> 
> The line is occasionally crossed where **** that "needs" to get done is actually **** that she "wants" done...which is far different.
> 
> When the latter is attempted to be forced via the method you described in your post, my response is for her to pay to hire someone to do it... assuming it is that important.
> 
> Otherwise, we can discuss a time to do it that works for me.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


Our dynamic is different then and I don't see anything forced about asking me to do a simple task. The fact is, she has watched some stuff and said "maybe we should hire someone" and I say "nah, that looks super easy" our most resent example, as in today, she texted me if she should pay $450 to replace the screen on her surface pro4. She dropped it 3 days ago and shattered it. I can get a new screen for $165 shipped and replace it in an hour tops. Had I told her "I don't feel comfortable attempting to install that garage door opener" she would have hired someone. A garage door opener is pretty important. I would consider this a need not a want. Besides, why pay for something you can just do yourself? Seems like a dumb waste of money. 

Btw, this is the same woman that ripped out all the carpet in our house, and laid down what they call "luxury vinyl planks" throughout practically the entire home by herself. I maybe did a room and a half. Our room and the laundry room. She did everything else. Oh, and I also removed the tile in the kitchen because she couldn't handle the impact hammer we rented being a 5'5" 115lbs petite lady. 

At no point did I ever say she expects me to do on her time frame **** she wants done, not **** she needs done. So the question you posed is either insulting to myself, my wife, or to both of us with no reason for it. Either I'm a pushover, she knowingly takes advantage of me, or a combination of the two. Perhaps you are projective your own situation a bit?


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## uhtred

I think that is the right calculation:

How much money will it save. How much of my time will it take. Where on the fun scale is that time from misery , to something that is fun even if it wasn't needed? Then decide. 

For people who earn more, it will more often make sense to hire someone to do work. 

If you are working 80 hours a week at a startup that might make you fantastically wealthy, pay someone else to change the plus. If you are a retired mechanic who like tinkering, then do them yourself. 





TheDudeLebowski said:


> I allow this because I too have access to our bank account and can see the numbers lol. Some highly rated supposedly extremely fair priced mechanic shop in our area wanted $1200 for replacing spark plugs and coils on her Jeep. Parts cost me about $240 and I only needed to replace #6 coil after looking them over. $960 in savings for what took me 8 hours as with that jeep you have to remove the upper intake manifold to access 2,4,&6. And I have crappy tools so some of those bolts in hard to reach places made me remove other stuff to get to them where a mechanic would probably have some flexible small tools to get in there. Or I would make little 1/8th turns on the bolt at a time taking forever because I didn't have the right tool, just a tool that would barely work.
> 
> Either way, that's $960 bucks man. For 8 hours of work. If I had a job that paid me that well, I would have gladly hired a mechanic.


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## TheDudeLebowski

StillSearching said:


> How in the world did she troubleshoot a garage door opener as the exact problem?


The garage door itself could be opened easily by hand. Everything with the door itself was working just fine. The opener wasnt working with either remote, or the pad on the wall. She grabbed a ladder and fiddled with the plug. Unplugged, and plugged it in. There was no reset noise or anything of the sort. No lights from the unit. She checked the breaker, everything was fine there. She made an educated guess based on these tell tale signs. So advanced, I know. She must be like a genius or something. She also figured out that our microwave was broken when it suddenly stopped working. That's why she has the masters degree.


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## farsidejunky

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Our dynamic is different then and I don't see anything forced about asking me to do a simple task. The fact is, she has watched some stuff and said "maybe we should hire someone" and I say "nah, that looks super easy" our most resent example, as in today, she texted me if she should pay $450 to replace the screen on her surface pro4. She dropped it 3 days ago and shattered it. I can get a new screen for $165 shipped and replace it in an hour tops. Had I told her "I don't feel comfortable attempting to install that garage door opener" she would have hired someone. A garage door opener is pretty important. I would consider this a need not a want. Besides, why pay for something you can just do yourself? Seems like a dumb waste of money.
> 
> 
> 
> Btw, this is the same woman that ripped out all the carpet in our house, and laid down what they call "luxury vinyl planks" throughout practically the entire home by herself. I maybe did a room and a half. Our room and the laundry room. She did everything else. Oh, and I also removed the tile in the kitchen because she couldn't handle the impact hammer we rented being a 5'5" 115lbs petite lady.
> 
> 
> 
> At no point did I ever say she expects me to do on her time frame **** she wants done, not **** she needs done. So the question you posed is either insulting to myself, my wife, or to both of us with no reason for it. Either I'm a pushover, she knowingly takes advantage of me, or a combination of the two. Perhaps you are projective your own situation a bit?


None of the above.

If your dynamic works for you, then don't let my armchair quarterbacking interfere. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## NobodySpecial

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> My wife is totally awesome about this sort of thing. If she catches a youtube that makes it look easy, she just does it herself. She is eminently practical. As such, she knows that if a youtube is all the instruction necessary, she can do it as well as me... and she goes ahead and does it.
> 
> Now if it's something that takes specific technical skill, tools, or even just brute manly strength, at this point, her first inclination is to hire a pro. Not because she thinks I can't do it, but because she gives me credit for working hard and believes my weekends should be my own (or at least partly hers). So even if I can do it in a day and a pro can do it in an hour, she'll hire the pro and have it done before the weekend arrives. Time for me to ride makes me happy and easy to live with, which makes us both happy. Time for me to spend with her makes us both happy and keeps the bonds strong. Also, when I get frustrated struggling with something I don't do every day, I have been known to curse or throw things, which kills her mood. So she calls hiring a pro marriage therapy, and that seems to fit pretty well.
> 
> If I was to have any kind of complaint, it would be that I sometimes get great satisfaction out of accomplishing something new and useful myself. I'd at least like the opportunity to be part of the decision to do something myself rather than hiring out. We're working on that one. Communication is key, as always.


For ME, the one and only reason I don't do house maintenance chores myself is that DH is completely unwilling to be organized about tools and such. I am NOT going to buy new tools to do a thing. If he wants to have a garage from hell, so be it, though I would rather put my car their. But I am not going to fight the garage to find tools to do a thing. Not happening.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

NobodySpecial said:


> For ME, the one and only reason I don't do house maintenance chores myself is that DH is completely unwilling to be organized about tools and such. I am NOT going to buy new tools to do a thing. If he wants to have a garage from hell, so be it, though I would rather put my car their. But I am not going to fight the garage to find tools to do a thing. Not happening.


We live in a place with plenty of winter and snow (and hail in the summer), we're both pretty committed to keeping the garage clear for the vehicles. 

My mess is in the basement.


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## NobodySpecial

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> We live in a place with plenty of winter and snow (and hail in the summer), we're both pretty committed to keeping the garage clear for the vehicles.
> 
> My mess is in the basement.


Snow we get. And not just in the winter!  We also have teenagers to clear said snow. I would still rather have my car in the garage. But I won't pick THAT battle as it is unwinnable.


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## RClawson

The only time I had this feeling was when I overheard my W tell her best friend she did not need me anymore. It wasn't just that she said it but how she said it. With complete disdain.


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