# Legally Separated as of Today



## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

So today we signed the papers.

I thought I would be falling apart but I am not. I feel ok with it.

It seems odd that I am not that upset or is this just a moment?

I think after months of trying to save our marriage and our family with a STBXH who was not trying at all sort of sealed the deal for me.

He moves out in ten days. I never wanted him to go but now I feel sort of resigned to it.

Anyone else have this temporary feeling that it's all going to be ok or is this just the calm before the storm?


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## motherofone (Jan 10, 2013)

I felt indifference the day the papers were signed. I think it is how I feel about all my major life changes though. I think it is my way of processing it all. 

It also shows your detaching and moving on.


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

100% Normal. Congratulations!

What has changed? It is just paper now. The storm comes when you fully realize it is over and your life changes as he moves out and you regain everything on an independent level versus "partnership" level. Don't worry, you can be calm through the whole thing.

No reason to fall apart, the decision has been made. Have peace of mind that you tried your best to "save" it, no one can save it on their own. You will get through it like the rest of is.


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## backik (Mar 12, 2009)

It seems like you're feeling a sense of relief. You were probably more prepared for this moment and now can take a deep breath that it has finally passed. 

Just the other day I filed my divorce petition and certainly wasn't as composed as you were.  I was a complete wreck all week long - crying at night, crying at work the day-of... and crying on the car ride back from the lawyer. I was the one who intiated the divorce but it didn't make things any easier. Frankly I felt sad, hurt, relieved, happy and hopeful all at the same time. Once the paperwork was finished it felt like it was the start of moving forward in life. I'm in a much better place today but know that there will more ups and downs to come.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> So today we signed the papers.
> 
> I thought I would be falling apart but I am not. I feel ok with it.
> 
> ...


I have days where I feel ready to take on the world. I also have days where I want to hide away from it and cry. I know eventually the days where I want to hide away will stop - and I hope this is the case for you.


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

Hi Limbolady, how do you feel today?


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

Thanks everyone for your responses.

I still feel ok today. Maybe a bit more down than yesterday.

STBXH was acting weird the entire evening - remember he doesn't move out for ten more days. He clearly had had a few drinks before he came home last night. He said he thought that we should have gone and had a drink after signing the papers. WTF????? He also made a pass at me last night. I am sure it was the alcohol talking.

Anyway, I think it will all hit home more once he moves. I am supposed to be taking our boys away somewhere for that weekend and I am still working out the logistics of that as all of my family is many hours away.


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> Thanks everyone for your responses.
> 
> I still feel ok today. Maybe a bit more down than yesterday.
> 
> ...


Good to hear you are doing well. Stay strong. 

Did your STBXH bring up what happened the night before? Does he even remember?


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

KnottedStomach said:


> Good to hear you are doing well. Stay strong.
> 
> Did your STBXH bring up what happened the night before? Does he even remember?


No. He never brought it up and is back to business today.

I may have my own issues to address but so does he.

Went to a girlfriend's of mine tonight with the kids for a play date.

I knew last night was alcohol talking and it clearly was.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

So WTH????

Another evening with him texting me from downstairs and then making up excuses to be in my room! 

What is this? For months I would have given anything for him to come up here. Now that I don't care, here he is.

Guys chime in here. I don't get it!!!!!!


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> So WTH????
> 
> Another evening with him texting me from downstairs and then making up excuses to be in my room!
> 
> ...


I just think that these people start to think of us as their Plan B, their fall back. They don't want to be with us, but they don't want you to move on from them.

In his own way, my H has been doing the same thing.

You know what might help, a list. Write a list of everything that is wrong with your relationship and keep it somewhere where you know you will see it, and read it every day. After a while, you wont have to read it, you will just know what is wrong, and it will be easier to detach.

Stay strong LL


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

That's not a bad idea KS about the list. I will have to do that.

His behavior is just so odd. However I guess I need to stop focusing on him and trying to analyze his behavior and focus on myself.

I will be glad when next weekend is over. The next GIANT hurdle.


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> That's not a bad idea KS about the list. I will have to do that.
> 
> His behavior is just so odd. However I guess I need to stop focusing on him and trying to analyze his behavior and focus on myself.
> 
> I will be glad when next weekend is over. The next GIANT hurdle.


Yeah. The list helps. I think anyways.

Yes. Focus on yourself. Forget about him.

Let us know how you cope with the next hurdle.


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

Hello LL. How r u doing? I hope you are doing well. If I am not mistaken your STBXH has moved out of the house, no?


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

KnottedStomach said:


> Hello LL. How r u doing? I hope you are doing well. If I am not mistaken your STBXH has moved out of the house, no?


Thanks for checking in on me KS.

Yes and no as far as STBXH out of the house. He moved all of the big stuff (furniture that he was taking) over the weekend however, he himself is still not out. He is having trouble getting cable where he moved so that is one crisis. 

Yesterday after the kids and I got back from our weekend trip, we all went over to his new place. The kids got to see the house and their rooms, etc. But he hasn't spent any time over there really setting anything up. I assume he is going to get that done this weekend but for now it's still status quo with my own house a hot mess!!!!


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> Thanks for checking in on me KS.
> 
> Yes and no as far as STBXH out of the house. He moved all of the big stuff (furniture that he was taking) over the weekend however, he himself is still not out. He is having trouble getting cable where he moved so that is one crisis.
> 
> Yesterday after the kids and I got back from our weekend trip, we all went over to his new place. The kids got to see the house and their rooms, etc. But he hasn't spent any time over there really setting anything up. I assume he is going to get that done this weekend but for now it's still status quo with my own house a hot mess!!!!


Sounds he might not be ready to fully leave.

I hope for your sake, he is out of there soon. Stay strong.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

KnottedStomach said:


> Sounds he might not be ready to fully leave.
> 
> I hope for your sake, he is out of there soon. Stay strong.


Ready or not he left last night and spent the night there. All of his clothes and shoes are gone - pretty much everything. It was a tough night which really wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to be out while we were away. That was the entire object of us going away.

Today I just feel numb. It's going to be tough getting anything done at work today!


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> Ready or not he left last night and spent the night there. All of his clothes and shoes are gone - pretty much everything. It was a tough night which really wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to be out while we were away. That was the entire object of us going away.
> 
> Today I just feel numb. It's going to be tough getting anything done at work today!


It sounds like it was a ploy for control. This way he can tell himself that he left on his terms and when he wanted to, as suppose to on a timeline. 

Stay strong it will get easier. It will probably be better, not having all that conflict, anxiety, etc. around.

How r yours kids handling it all?


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

KnottedStomach said:


> It sounds like it was a ploy for control. This way he can tell himself that he left on his terms and when he wanted to, as suppose to on a timeline.
> 
> Stay strong it will get easier. It will probably be better, not having all that conflict, anxiety, etc. around.
> 
> How r yours kids handling it all?


They are doing ok so far. Luckily they were upstairs when he packed up the last of his stuff last night. He came to the house this morning to take them to school and I guess he talked to them about coming over to his place this weekend and setting up their rooms.

And I 100% agree with you about the control thing. He wanted to do it on his terms when HE was ready. This is nothing new.


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> They are doing ok so far. Luckily they were upstairs when he packed up the last of his stuff last night. He came to the house this morning to take them to school and I guess he talked to them about coming over to his place this weekend and setting up their rooms.
> 
> And I 100% agree with you about the control thing. He wanted to do it on his terms when HE was ready. This is nothing new.


Glad the kids are doing well.

All they seem to think about is themselves apparently.


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