# Emotionally dead. Should I stay, or should I go????????????



## Jorra4Him (Dec 3, 2010)

I have a really big problem. I have come to the point of wanting to, no needing to break my promise to God. After all I did promise 4 better or worse. I just do not know whether I can go on like this anymore. I will try to keep this as short as possible. 

When we were newly weds, we did everything together. People looked at us as being the perfect couple. Then came empty feeling like there's gotta be more to life than this. We planned a family and with a hop, skip and a jump I became pregnant. Oh the joy, or so I thought.

He became more and more distant. No matter what I did to include him into this wonderful miracle. Soon he started to go out with the buddies and I stayed at home. We moved to a new house and he left me with my 8 months big belly to pack and physically carry the furniture. I thought that things would change once our little girl was born, but I was mistaken. 

He did not help with anything. NO diaper changes, no feeding, no playing, no nothing.
He always wanted a son, so I thought maybe things will get better if he could have his wish. Then came little girl number two. Surpriseeeeeeeeeeeee!

I was the only one left with the responsibility to care for our beautiful kiddies. I became a mom and he stayed "unattached" He stayed out late drinking with friends and having a ball. I enjoyed the kids and bonded with them. 

Thats the background. Now he will go out on his own to visit friends. Drinking, coming home late etc. The kids (age 6 and 4) do not even ask questions anymore.
He does nothing in or around the house, because it is considered to be my job. I mow the lawn, clean the pool and what not. I am unemployed and have not found any job since. 

We don't talk anymore apart from the usual "want some coffee?" 
We have separate bedrooms. We don't kiss hallo or goodbye. He comes home from work with shopping all done. Excludes me from any decisions. I don't weir panties anymore, because since 2 years without a job and money I can't buy myself anything anymore. 

Then came the utter most hurtful experience in my life. On 17 October 2010, I found my father in his caravan, dead. He was already decomposing after being in that hot environment for 4 days (since we last spoke) I would not wish that for my worse enemy. Needless to say the caravan was a mess. I was left to clean that up myself. We have a trailer for garden refuse,and I threw all the caravan cupboards in there. He still did not take it to the dump.

I refuse to do anything outside the house anymore. The refuse bags was lying outside. He did not take it out. So I could not take the smell anymore and did it myself.............There was maggots..............I nearly died. I keep seeing my dad and those things all over him......
I think my husband found a new way of punishing me.

My husband went out drinking again, 3 weeks after this hole ordeal. 

I asked him who is more important, his friends or me. You know what he said. He choose them. We got into an argument and I told him to not speak to me as if I were one of his co-workers. He told me that he will speak to me anyway he pleases. His co-workers are better people than I am. That is the short of it. 

He tried only 2 times in his life to hurt me physically. Both of those times I shoved back so hard at him, I scared myself. Now he can only hurt me with his mouth. And that hurts more. 

I am afraid to leave him. I would die before I let him have the kids. Please help me. What can I do?


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## alone in love (Nov 10, 2009)

I am sorry for your situation. I know you made a promise to god, for better or for worse - and that's important. But so is your happiness. God is forgiving. You are already alone, leaving will just make it official. You wouldn't want your daughters to grow up thinking that this is the way a man should treat a woman. They may end up in that situation too. My father was a controlling man and my mother stayed. Now I am married to a controlling man - and I am sad. You don't want that for them. He has already chosen his friends over you, now you need to choose yourself over him. You're happiness is an important part of being a good mother. Good luck!


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## NRG (Nov 9, 2010)

Go to Counseling, and help him understand where you are coming from, don't drop a bomb on him. Guarantee if you work together on the relationship you will make yourself and him happy.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm a Believer, too, and I do believe God loves marriages to work. Having said that, I can't believe that a loving God wants anyone created in His image to suffer abuse. God's directives for marriage only work if the marriage includes two adults with reasonable motivation and commitment to the union. I don't believe God approves of slavery or mental or physical abuse. Other than the appearance of his name on a piece of legal paper, what evidence do you have that he is your husband?


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Communicate that you are seriously considering leaving him and how his actions have effected you. Though it might take awhile, if he is unable to seriously change his behavior towards you, its not worth staying with him. 

It may be possible for him to change.


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

I am religious also. I know you made the promise of for better or worse, but don't forget that your marriage was a covenant. An oath that goes both ways. Remember that in the old testament, the Bible allows divorce in cases of abandonment. He has abandoned you.

If you have it in yourself to leave, but want to give him a chance, be honest about it.

You sound like a strong person, but God did not intend for you to bear all of this alone.

I hope you can find happiness.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

takris said:


> I am religious also. I know you made the promise of for better or worse, but don't forget that your marriage was a covenant. An oath that goes both ways. Remember that in the old testament, the Bible allows divorce in cases of abandonment. He has abandoned you.
> .


Not trying to correct you but I believe the bible says the only acceptable cause for divorce is Adultry.

So OP this doesnt mean I think you should stay as it doesnt sound like you even have a marriage, sounds like you just live in the same house. There is a lot to consider like how will you support the kids? who will leave him or you and the kids? Child support is granted based on income and % of custody shared. It would be smart to know how much income you can expect to live on. With two kids it may be hard to get a job as you will have to pay for child care which would eat up a lot of your earnings. Anyhow all Im saying dont jump without looking where you will land if you decide to leave do a little planning before you do so. Good Luck


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