# She thinks I am trying to change her mind



## barnot (Aug 21, 2011)

I think maybe subconsciously I am trying to change her mind about Divorce. We talked yesterday for the first time since she kicked me out a little over a week ago and we were laughing and smiling. Could she be scared that maybe she doesn't want to be done? or is that just hopeful thinking on my part. She said today that I am trying to change her mind and she doesn't like it. I really don't want it to be done, but I am doing my best to be able to move on and support what she if feeling because fighting her will just make things worse. She has been my best friend for 4 years and I really hate to be apart from her and not talking. I feel like if she did decide to change her mind, her dad wouldn't allow it since he is being so controlling about all of this. (making her change her phone number, delete her facebook, keep me from getting my things). I just don't know what to do. I want to be able to talk to her. But I don't want to push her away.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If she wants out, you really need to accept that. 

You can't make someone love you or want to be with you.


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## barnot (Aug 21, 2011)

I know. I am working on moving on. I know she probably wont change her mind. I just still have that little bit of hope she will come back. I do my best to keep my space from her, and I am focusing on making myself better. She will just always be a part of me and that will never go away.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hope can paralyze you. So you need to accept this for what it is. 

if she wants you back, she will come around. Right now, she doesn't. A hard truth to live with but the sooner you accept it's over, the better off you will be.

You will never move forward as long as you're living in the past.


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## whatonearthnow (Aug 20, 2011)

barnot, I know that feeling.

I'm having similar worries about meeting up - although mine are complicated at the moment by the (hopefully) irrational fear she will drop a bomb like an OM or something on me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh and you're not moving on nor have you accepted your situation as long as you're doing this:



barnot said:


> I* think maybe subconsciously I am trying to change her mind about Divorce*. We talked yesterday for the first time since *she kicked me out *a little over a week ago and we were laughing and smiling. *Could she be scared that maybe she doesn't want to be done? or is that just hopeful thinking on my part.* *She said today that I am trying to change her mind and she doesn't like it.* *I really don't want it to be done, but *I am doing my best to be able to move on and support what she if feeling because fighting her will just make things worse. She has been my best friend for 4 years and I really hate to be apart from her and not talking. * I feel like if she did decide to change her mind*, her dad wouldn't allow it since he is being so controlling about all of this. (making her change her phone number, delete her facebook, keep me from getting my things). *I just don't know what to do. I want to be able to talk to her. But I don't want to push her away*.


You are still HEAVILY in denial


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## barnot (Aug 21, 2011)

Jellybeans, I think you are right. I am really trying to move on. At times I feel like I have. But as soon as I feel good about what is happening, she sends me another mixed signal and it screws me up again. I need to stop initiating the contact. but I think about her all day so it is extremely hard to do that. Any tips that could help?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Then stop letting her get to you.

If she tries to "mix message" you, tell her, either you are in or our in our marriage? There is no "maybe/sometime/part-time. All or nothing." If she waffles, then you know she's not into it/you/the marriage. 

Divorce/separation are HARD. I sometimes felt I was losing my damn mind. Just focus on the present and the future. One day at a time. Get outside int he sun, surround yourself with good friends/family, do somethign you have been meaning to but haven't gotten around to, smile, rent a funny movie, call up old friends, exercise, etc.

You will be fine in time. PROMISE. But you do dhave to get past the first and most awful hurdles first. You can do it though. Promise.


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## drsparkle (Aug 7, 2011)

Its still very early days and you are hurting very badly. It is ok not to be moving forward at this stage. 

But like jelly said, you cannot force her to change her mind. She has to come back because she wants to. 

Give her space, if it is meant to be it will be. Have hope but sort yourself out at the same time. SHow her what she is missing


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## barnot (Aug 21, 2011)

I just started walking and it ended up being about 2 miles. I know I cant change her mind. I am going to be done texting her. It just makes things too hard. My school starts tomorrow too so I think that will help get my mind off all this. I am going to go to the courthouse this week and sign the papers to end it. There is a waiting period and I am debating having it waived. This is just all so hard. I am selling my things so I can start moving on though.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You can't change a woman's mind about anything. And whatever she says, she's changed her mind 53 times before she finished telling you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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