# Frustrated and ready to blow up!!!



## Seahorse04 (Apr 3, 2013)

Ok, so this is my first time on this website because I wasn't sure where else to go. I've been married almost 6 months now, been together for almost 3 years. This is my first marriage and my husbands 2nd. He also has a pre-teen daughter. I guess I can say I saw problems starting when his ex moved back into town. I had never met her and wasn't completely sure what to expect from her. My husband, boyfriend at the time, warned me she was a little crazy...little did I know! When they moved back, they didn't have a place yet and so I agreed to let them stay at our place till they found one. Friends and family thought I was dumb for allowing it, but I did it for my boyfriend and his daughter's sake. What was only supposed to be 2 weeks turned into 2 months. The ex and I were civil with each other, but at the same time I couldn't wait for her to move out. She had a bad habit of leaving her dirty dishes in the sink for days on end, her cats were terrorizing our cats and destroying property, she lounged around like she owned the place and what I really disliked is that she badmouthed my boyfriend. I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to start problems for him. We were already talking about getting married and I wanted to keep the peace. So the ex finally found her own place, but she was constantly calling my bf for every little thing. She needed help with one thing or another, so she'd ask him to go over and help or she'd keep him on the phone for a ridiculous amount of time. Half a year later, she decided she wanted to move to another place. But that place wasn't ready yet so she moved in again with us, which I really didn't want, but did it so my bf's daughter would have a place to stay. They were here for 2 weeks and again the ex was disrespectful and inconsiderate. Making messes and not cleaning up after herself. She got her new place and, of course, continued calling my bf every chance she got. I didn't think it was necessary for her to call and keep him on the phone for over an hour or more. I know there needs to be communication between the 2 about their daughter, but she doesn't need to be telling him all of her own business. About a year ago, things got bad between the ex and I. She accused me of something that I didn't do. She stopped talking to me completely and I believe is possibly fueling wrong thoughts in my step-daughters mind about me. It's to the point where the ex, for whatever reason, doesn't trust me to be alone with my step-daughter. I have always been respectful and considerate towards my step-daughter and would never say or do anything to hurt her or steer her in the wrong direction. Now, according to the ex, my step-daughter has issues with me. I, myself, don't really believe it. We often chat and joke when she's around. She approaches me for advice on clothes and makeup. To me, these aren't the actions of someone that dislikes me....unless I'm crazy. But I feel this is causing everyone unneeded stress and unhappiness and I'm not sure how to address this all. I feel my husband should put his foot down and say enough is enough. The ex seems to think my husband owes her a lot for stuff that happened during their short marriage. I'm just tired of her still depending on him for almost everything. I'm tired of hearing that the ex thinks her daughter has issues with me. I'm starting to wonder if she's trying to cause problems on purpose for us. I just need some advice from someone that's been in a similar situation. I'm almost at my wit's end. We'd like to try and have a baby, but I'm having second thoughts. I don't want to bring a child into all this drama and have it affect her in the long run.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Never been in that situation, but...

Where's your husband in all this??? Explain to him what the situation is, ask him to handle it and then stop all communication with the ex.

Continue to communicate with your stepdaughter so that she sees you aren't the a-hole the ex is making you out to be.

And yes, no baby until this settles down.

And for God's sake, don't let them move in again. If they run into a situation, agree to have the step-daughter move in and let the ex find a friend to stay with.


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## Seahorse04 (Apr 3, 2013)

My husband doesn't believe either that his daughter has a problem with me. He's seen our interactions. We have one of 2 theories about her. Either her mom is twisting her daughter's words around to make things seem bad OR his daughter is saying lies about me to her mom to keep her happy. His daughter is very loyal to her mom. I think if her mom made up stuff about me that wasn't true, his daughter might agree just to get her mom off her back. She's very sweet with me and I hate to think she'd do this, but knowing her mom the way I do, it wouldn't surprise me if this was the case. Her mom is very confrontational and won't give up so easily until she has an answer that satisfies her.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

First let me say that I admire you for having allowed your partner's EX and their daughter to stay with you when they needed a place to live and commend you for the restraint you have shown this far.:smthumbup:

Going forward there would seem to me to be two issues you and your now husband need to address.

The first and most important should be to sort out his EX's dependence upon your husband. She should not be in the phone to him for hours and should not be disrespecting / ignoring you. You and your husband need to agree a strategy together for dealing with her.

The second issue as I see it is for you to build a relationship with your "step daughter". It does not surprise me that her mother does not think you and her daughter get along. Many parents think that no one else can understand their child like them and it is not unusual for children to tell parents what they think the parent want to hear or even to play parents off against each other. From what you have said this far there does not appear to be a real problem between you and the child but if there is or if one develops a combined approach to it with your husband will make resolving things easier.

The best of luck to you all.

N.B. some paragraphs in your original post might have made it easier to read.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Some boundaries need to be drawn on the relationship between your husband and his ex. Of course they need to communicate about their daughter but no more running to her aid for every little thing. She's a grown up, time to be one.

You can't control what her mom says but you can control what the daughter sees in your behavior. That speaks much louder. 

As for you and the ex - there really isn't a need for you guys to chat - so let her be immature and mad and 'not speak' to you. Makes your day much quieter!


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