# Married with a baby, considering leaving due to abuse



## jane02 (Jun 6, 2012)

I am writing on here for help, please give me your honest thoughts. Can someone change

I am 22 and been married for 6 months. My husband has always been emotionally abusive but I have always forgiven him, I left him once but went back. He has pushed me a few times in the past and kicked me out of our home several times to teach me a lesson...I got pregnant and decided to keep the baby, my oh was excited and he changed during my pregnancy, we got married and he controlled his anger...I thought we were happy but now the baby here its going back to how used too be.

My husband can be very nice and loving towards me then something will happen and he will snap, he has called me all sorts of names, has locked me out of the car while he stayed inside with our baby girl...has been critcal about my parenting skills and has grabbed my wrist in anger leaving me with a red mark. He screams at me and has done so in front of our baby who been scared. 

He throws things in anger too

I have to ask him to say sorry and he never takes fault. Everything is my fault in his eyes, always.

BUT then after he can be so loving and it's like it never happened and I wonder if I imagined it or if I overreacted or caused him to shout etc? 

I have put up with a lot from him but now we have a baby I do not want her to be effected. Yet I don't want to leave and for her not to have a father there all the time etc. I want know I am not overreacting. 

He is not abuisve all the time.

Do you think I should leave or try work it out?


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Demand he go to counseling/anger management or you'll leave. This isn't just about you two now. Do you really want your child growing up thinking its okay to abuse women verbally and physically?? Would you think it's okay if your child got into a relationship with someone like your husband??? 

Most abusive people aren't like that all the time, they have to act nice sometimes to reel the abused person back in so they can continue the cycle of abuse. If he doesn't care about your feelings or well being he will reject the idea of counseling and anger management. Then you need to put on your big girl panties and get the hell out of there for the sake of your child and your own well being. 

Do you really love him? Or the person he was before he became abusive. It's very likely that person was a front to get you in the door so his true self could come out. Would you be happy for the rest of your life being abused?? Because if he doesn't get help and you don't leave him because of that, then you have an incredibly depressing life ahead of you. And even if he does get help there's a chance he will revert back to his old ways in time.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Do you want your daughter to end up in a relationship like yours? Or would you tell her to get out of it? Because you're teaching her what a marriage should be. And personally, I don't think you're teaching her the right things.

And yes, I think your husband can change. But unless he starts to get some outside help, I think it's much more likely he'll change for the worse.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Life goes on. (Jun 6, 2012)

I agree with the above. If he is abusive and violent that is what your baby will learn to expect from a relationship when she gets older. Do you really want that for your daughter? In addition, if he can't control his anger then who knows when he will turn on your daughter? You may not think it now, but toddlers can be awfully trying and if he can't rein in his anger then she may well bear the brunt of it one day and she doesn't have a choice - you have to make the choice for her.

Personally, I would tell him it's counselling and if he won't agree, then remove yourself and your daughter from the situation.


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## jane02 (Jun 6, 2012)

Thanks for the replies so far. The problem with counselling is that he thinks I am the problem so the chance of him agreeing to it is very slim, also honestly I am scared of bringing it up to him in case he gets angry. 

I am so scared of being alone and it's pathetic. My family are willing to take me in but im so scared take that step. He also said if i leave he come after us and take our baby...

I do not want my daughter too think how I being treated is right, this is why now I am at this point. I just dont want make a mistake


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## StatusQuo (Jun 4, 2012)

I feel awkward responding to this, since I'm having my own issues with my husband, and hoping that we can resolve them.... BUT, my husband has a violent temper, angers quickly, throws things, yells LOUDLY, punches walls, slams his fists on the counters and tables when he's angry, etc. He's never laid a hand on me, or my children in anger, and he knows that if he did I would call the police immediately, it's not something I would tolerate.

That said... We have two small children who see his outbursts, and that's why I'm responding to your post. I want to share my experiences just to give you something to think about... My children (4 years, and 19 months) have been witness to my husbands explosive outbursts all of their short lives. I've tried to shelter them from them as much as possible, I've tried to not do anything to antagonize him when they are around. They're kids though, and they don't understand Daddy's boundaries. They set him off often, by just being kids. 

If my daughter (4) cries because she doesn't get something that she wants (as typical 4 year olds do), he FLIPS! Goes into one of his rages, which terrifies her! It breaks my heart. I end up running interference to distract him from screaming at her, and focus his anger on me. At least I'm an adult.

Also, having seen his antics, this is how my children (even the baby) are responding when they are upset about something now. They lash out, hitting tables, yelling at the top of their lungs... it's what they've seen. Hubby then rages back. It's not a happy environment, and it breaks my heart that they are learning these behaviors, that they think they are acceptable because that's how HE behaves.

I just wanted to share that, so you can think about how your husbands behavior will affect your baby... Not even in the distant future, but in the near future. It's heartbreaking.

My husband is no where near as abusive as what you have described your husband to be, but even his "issues" are causing issues with my children. Kids are sponges, they learn from what they are exposed to and soak it all in. 

I wish you luck, I know this isn't easy. If it was, I wouldn't be on this forum either!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

jane,

I think you need to leave and go to your family. Make it understood that if he goes to counseling, you'd be open to reuniting at some point but that you are afraid for yourself and your child.

If you are concerned that he might come after you and the child, look up information on a women's shelter in your area and ask them about restraing orders and what else you may be able to do to keep yourself and your child safe

Is there a relative out of town/state that he doesn't know about (a cousin/uncle/aunt) where you could stay for a while? That would be your best bet


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