# should mother - in - law supports my husband to have double life get pict of my baby



## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

hi, everybody:


my husband's verbal abuse of accusing me / hostile harassing me makes me blind 5-20 minutes till he stops. Professional suggests he has BPD.




1. my husband always has headache or sth. else to do when i want him to be fathe to take care of the 3 baby girls he has with me, to spend time with them. Not even help me on these 3 girls he has with me when my high blood presure is 300/200. 

but,

2. for 6 years in our marriage, in a frequent and constant base, he never has headache or anything else to do, when his ex asks him to help on his 4 boys he has with her, he runs faster than a dog to help his ex on their boys.

3. and pls. be noted that he has his boys visit him by divorce decreee half year out of one year. the help he has offered to his ex on their boys mentioned in item 2 is a plus beside half year out of one year he has them.


4. July 4th, 2013, his EX 's birthday, he agreed to his ex again to take care of these boys he has with him, to enable her to have H....appy Birthday, which ruin my Independent Day....


5. july 5thm, he cheated his company to get sick off to see his boys base game, but he could not take day off on July 6th, to be around of one the girls birthday he has with me. and he never around for these girls birthday, not even their 1st year birthday, not even when they were in hospital, but he never misses any birthday of his boys, in 12 years, when they are 12 years old. 


6. his mother called on my girl's birthday, i told his mom that i am very disappointed that her son hurt my interest to satisfy his EX' interest by helping her out on Independent day/ her birhtday. 


7. his mother said: it's hard for my son to satisfy TWO woman's interest. 

8. i take what his mother said in Item 7 as that she knows and she supports her son to have a double life with his EX. I have some other evidence he is having double life with his EX, and I will post it in other post.

9. i took my girls to Portrait for their sister's one year's birthday. 

10. She asked to have link of these portrait but I don't want to give to her because I don't think she cares my marriage that i have with her son, and i don't think she cares the girls i have with her son, neither, with what she said in Item 7.


11. what do u guy would do if u would be me 


thanks


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

It took me an hour to read this so I might as well respond.... 

You are punishing the grandmother of your baby because you chose a man who had 4 children with another woman. 

Nope. That's really bad form. That means --- give her the picture. 

Her son is her son and all you are to her is her son's wife. She is going to side with him, or remain neutral, all the time. If you have a problem with your husband's boundaries when it comes to his ex then that is between you and your husband; not you and his mother. 

Be the bigger person. Give her the picture. And stop talking to her about your marriage problems and insulting her son. It's disrespectful to them and unflattering to you.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

:iagree::iagree:


IrishGirlVA said:


> It took me an hour to read this so I might as well respond....
> 
> You are punishing the grandmother of your baby because you chose a man who had 4 children with another woman.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

IrishGirlVA said:


> It took me an hour to read this so I might as well respond....
> 
> You are punishing the grandmother of your baby because you chose a man who had 4 children with another woman.
> 
> ...



i don't agree with u on following point:

1. you states: You are punishing the grandmother of your baby because you chose a man who had 4 children with another woman. 


I don't want her to get the pict. of my kids is not because her son has 4 children with another woman, but because she supports her son to have double life with this said "another woman", which means she not only disrespect me but also morally wrong by supporting her son to have a double life with this Another woman herein which hurts both my kids' interest and my interest.


2. you states that I should stop * insulting her son.*
*why do u think i insult her son? *


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Your blood pressure is 300/200???

I stopped reading there unless you are posting this from the grave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

cheating husband said:


> I don't want her to get the pict. of my kids is not because her son has 4 children with another woman, but because she supports her son to have double life with this said "another woman", which means she not only disrespect me but also morally wrong by supporting her son to have a double life with this Another woman herein which hurts both my kids' interest and my interest.


Unless you are suggesting that he is having an affair with the mother of his four children, then it seems to me he is merely helping her in raising HIS FOUR CHILDREN.

You knew he was the father of these children before you married him and had MORE children to raise. As for the grandmother, what is it you expect of her? To ignore those children in favor of yours? She will always be the mother of her son and the grandmother of ALL of the children. To punish her by withholding pictures of YOUR children (which obviously she loves too as evidenced by the fact that she wants to see the pictures) will only backfire on you.

So, unless you are suggesting that your husband is having an affair with his ex, and you are further suggesting that his mother is supporting said affair, then you have no reason to be angry with her.


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## NativeSun09 (Mar 28, 2013)

I think you should give her a picture. That said, you need to sit down with your husband and explain that he needs to be there for both sets of children. It doesn't matter if he has four from a previous relationship. He has more and does not need to be neglecting them. Yes, the OP chose to be with a man who had other children but he also helped her make 3 more and he needs to be there for them otherwise those girls are going to grow up and hate their father. They're going to one day realize how much he wasn't there for them in comparison to their older siblings. CH, I don't know if your MIL is supporting an affair (doesn't necessarily sound like one), however, you need to talk to your husband and explain that he needs to be there for all of his children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

cheating husband said:


> i don't agree with u on following point:
> 
> 1. you states: You are punishing the grandmother of your baby because you chose a man who had 4 children with another woman.
> 
> ...



You insulted her son by what you wrote in #6 in your original post. You basically told her that her son was a disappointment. That's insulting. Tell your husband over and over again as many times as you wish that he is disappointing but not to his mother. She doesn't care what you think. And even if she did agree with you, she is still his mother. 

As I said, regardless of what his mother things, her alliance is to her son. Not you. And yes, she does need to look after her grandkids but at the same time you need to look after your children and allow them to have a relationship with grandma. 

Eh, it doesn't matter. You have already dug your heals in. You were looking for someone here to side with you. I'm not that person. Good luck.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I will be the person who sides with her. The guy misses his daughter's birthday completely but can take time off work for his son's and even put in effort to make his ex-wife's birthday a good one. Mother-in-law says, "too bad, so sad" and doesn't offer to help in any way. 

CheatingHusband, the photo has nothing to do with any of this. If you want to withhold from your mother in law, start with yourself. Do not interact with her at all. In fact, do the same with this man who you are addicted to and who treats you and your children like you're nothing more than second-rate.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

His mother can't stop her son from doing what he wants to do and making the choices he's making. You can't as his wife, so why do you expect her to be capable of it? He's a grown man and makes his own decisions.

Saying that it's hard to maintain two families isn't "supporting" her son. It's a relatively neutral comment. It IS hard maintaining two families, and your husband is doing a poor job at it. Expecting his mother to join you in expressing disappointment in him is foolish - mothers will always want to give their kids the benefit of the doubt. She doesn't have the full story of what is going on and it would be wrong for her to get between her son and his wife.

I don't see the value in standing between your kids' relationship with their grandmother. That's certainly not going to help you if you want her to understand the situation and see it from your perspective, and it's not going to help your daughters if they are prohibited from having a relationship with grandma.

I'd be involving grandma even more in the girls' lives. That will give grandma a much better picture of what is happening than you telling her stuff that her son does or doesn't do.


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

KathyBatesel said:


> I will be the person who sides with her. The guy misses his daughter's birthday completely but can take time off work for his son's and even put in effort to make his ex-wife's birthday a good one. Mother-in-law says, "too bad, so sad" and doesn't offer to help in any way.
> 
> CheatingHusband, the photo has nothing to do with any of this. If you want to withhold from your mother in law, start with yourself. Do not interact with her at all. In fact, do the same with this man who you are addicted to and who treats you and your children like you're nothing more than second-rate.


Hey Kathy -- always good to see you respond to a post. Always enjoy what you have to say. I might have not been clear about what I don't side in her about. I agree that her husband is a Class A jerk for dissing OP and their children and essentially putting his ex wife first. Completely and 100% agree that OP should be VERY upset about that. The support I couldn't give her, however, is agreeing that withholding a picture would do any good. That is just a battle not worth fighting. 

And yeah, I'd be very sad too if my mother in law made excuses for son. But for right or for wrong, that is what mom's so sometimes. And it's very possible mom called up son and said, "What is wrong you you???? Go home to your wife and daughter!". 

To me the only question was -- Should I give her a picture? And I vote "Yes".


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

what a mess. 

start taking care of things your self. dosn't look like he is dependable. Better get your ducks in a row.

4 kids for a previouse marriage and 3 kids with you may I sugest he get a vasectomy.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

OP, you're not going to like what I have to say, but....

I smell a lot of generalization coming from you.

Based on what you say, I'm picturing a man who should get Father of the Year for his sons, and have the courts remove him from any paternal rights with your daughters.....

Sorry I don't buy it. I'm sure he's not a nice guy. I'm sure you feel slighted. But here's something I dont get from you. ANY WELCOMING into your family from you towards his sons. Are you sure YOU haven't drawn a line in the sand and they are on that side and you and your girls are on this side.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to paint this all as your fault. But when your fixing a crooked, dilapidated house, you look at the foundation before you look at the roof.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Medically absolutely impossible for a human being to have a blood pressure of 300/200... really? A human being would be dead with a heart attack or stroke with that kind of blood pressure (well, way before it hit those numbers in systolic and diastolic pressures).

As for your situation, you chose a blended family. You chose a man with children - it's a total package.


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

jd08 said:


> Your blood pressure is 300/200???
> 
> I stopped reading there unless you are posting this from the grave.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



yes, my blood pressure was 300/200, instead of helping on the kids my husband has with me, or gave me some money to get babysitter, he not only refused both, but also at the mean time agreed to help on the kids he has with her to come to my house, which means extrem noise, banging on the doors, banging on the toilet seat, TV turns to highest volum, raping papers, empty soda cans, juice jars, fork, knife, dirt dish, dirty laundry, cleaned clothes, socks.... all on the floor, I am the only one to pick up, my husband would not teach him to thank u and bye to me, when they leave from my house and leave my house like the Typhoon just visited, at a frequent base: half year out of one year.


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

CantePe said:


> Medically absolutely impossible for a human being to have a blood pressure of 300/200... really? A human being would be dead with a heart attack or stroke with that kind of blood pressure (well, way before it hit those numbers in systolic and diastolic pressures).
> 
> As for your situation, you chose a blended family. You chose a man with children - it's a total package.


ok, it's for easy typing, really was like: 283/190 or similar.


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

survivorwife said:


> Unless you are suggesting that he is having an affair with the mother of his four children, then it seems to me he is merely helping her in raising HIS FOUR CHILDREN.
> 
> You knew he was the father of these children before you married him and had MORE children to raise. As for the grandmother, what is it you expect of her? To ignore those children in favor of yours? She will always be the mother of her son and the grandmother of ALL of the children. To punish her by withholding pictures of YOUR children (which obviously she loves too as evidenced by the fact that she wants to see the pictures) will only backfire on you.
> 
> So, unless you are suggesting that your husband is having an affair with his ex, and you are further suggesting that his mother is supporting said affair, then you have no reason to be angry with her.



he raise them 1/2 out 1 year by divorce decreee plus wheneven she demands. 

grandma never ignore these children her son has from his past marriage, she just took them to florida for a 2 wks vacation, and left the grand daughters i have with her son behind, which they have put down these girls - his own daughters, and her own grand daughter for years.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

If I recall correctly, your 3 baby daughters are around 4, 3 & 1. Do you actually expect your husband to take these babies to a movie by himself? Do you actually expect your mother in law to carry these babies to Florida for a vacation? Your 3 babies are simply too young to do the things your husband does with his sons.


As to the boys' behavior in your home, that is shameful and is on your husband. He needs to teach them how to behave.


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

Dad&Hubby said:


> OP, you're not going to like what I have to say, but....
> 
> I smell a lot of generalization coming from you.
> 
> ...



may be i did draw a line after my husband always wants to leave me, my girls, and one of his special needs boys behind, when he takes his other 3 normal boys to go to movie, resturant, travel out of town for vacation.....

will you draw a line if u would be me?


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## Is It Just Me (Sep 8, 2012)

Why is your screenname 'cheating' husband?

You haven't answered the question other posters asked: do you think your husband is CHEATING with his ex-wife? (And by cheating, I mean either having sex with her or engaging in an emotional affair with her.)


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

OP and their children and essentially putting his ex wife first. Completely and 100% agree that OP should be VERY upset about that. 
[/QUOTE]

what is : OP? thanks


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

Is It Just Me said:


> Why is your screenname 'cheating' husband?
> 
> You haven't answered the question other posters asked: do you think your husband is CHEATING with his ex-wife? (And by cheating, I mean either having sex with her or engaging in an emotional affair with her.)


i don't really know. that is why i am posting here to get you guys opinion. what do u think? do u think he is having sex with her?

what is " emotional affair "?


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## cheating husband (Jul 22, 2013)

KathyBatesel said:


> I will be the person who sides with her. The guy misses his daughter's birthday completely but can take time off work for his son's and even put in effort to make his ex-wife's birthday a good one. Mother-in-law says, "too bad, so sad" and doesn't offer to help in any way.
> 
> do not interact with her. In fact, do the same with this man who you are addicted to and who treats you and your children like you're nothing more than second-rate.


i can do pretty good of not interacting with my mother law, since she does not live with me . 

but how i do not know how to not ineract with this man/my husband who lives with me. if u would be me, what exactly you would do in order to not ineract with him.


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