# What hapens to cheaters ? Is there Natural revenge?



## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Hello all,

This is my first post in this forum. I never posted in any forums before, except few programming related things. Please be gentle on me if I post something wrong here.

Long long back, I suffered a huge blow of getting cheated by my wife. It was 25 years back, not by one but by many OMs. I come from a religious family, we never had anything (of this size) in family before. I was completely devastated, got grey hair in 6 months, got several health problems since that time, and am still under trauma. 

I didnt know the terms or personalities like alpha male, don juan and such things. Just came out of college, got attracted to a girl older than me, and after 1 year of dating, just 1 month before marriage, she told me lot of stories of her affairs, even when we were dating.

One of those things was I was accompaniing her to one of her "Brother" where she stayed as paying guest, for 6 months after office hours! I didn't know I was helping her cheat on me.

Sorry for making that long, but there are several OMs before and after this. The so called "Brother", is a big successful person some educational enterprise - successful, happy life and surrounded by young people.

I was always under impression (due to my religious upbringing) that he will suffer some day - but that didn't happen. Is there anything like Natural punishment? Natural justice? Anyone has experienced it?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, no, there's mostly not. It's one of the great mysteries of life, why good people flounder and bad people flourish, and we are not the first generation to ask the question. If you are religious, then your religion may adhere to an afterlife in which these things are punished, and that should give you some comfort.

I'm more concerned with you -- this was all 25 years ago? It was horrible for you, no doubt, but I would have hoped you would have moved on by now. 

As they say, living well really IS the best revenge. And just because they have money doesn't mean they are happy.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

I think most consequences are random. Good things do happen to bad people.

You need to get to the point where it does not matter to you. It runs against my natural instinct for payback, but I am getting there.
I fantasize about revenge, infrequently.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Who knows---maybe they get theirs---some do, some don't

In all reality, yes the AP is scum of the lowest order---but your beef is with one person, and one person only---that is your wife, the person, who allegedly gladly/willingly took sacred vows with you----It's sad that those vows in all reality are meaningless, in your situation.

Keep your head up, the sun will come up tomorrow.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Usually if they're remorseful the shame and guilt is the only punishment they endure. Besides that? I don't know, nothing probably. It's the BS that ironically gets indefinitely punished for the cheater's actions


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

akashNil said:


> Hello all,
> 
> This is my first post in this forum. I never posted in any forums before, except few programming related things. Please be gentle on me if I post something wrong here.
> 
> ...


 I wish there was, but I have never seen an instance of it. Usually cheating, in any form is richly rewarded.If there were just consequences for cheating etc.,there wouldn't be so many lying cheating bas****ds out there. Experiences such as yours can warp and distort your view of life to the degree that your joy is gone. I hope you will not allow that to happen to you. I wish you peace and joy.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Are you still married to her? If so, why?


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Complexity said:


> Usually if they're remorseful the shame and guilt is the only punishment they endure. Besides that? I don't know, nothing probably. It's the BS that ironically gets indefinitely punished for the cheater's actions


I agree. The punishment that we dole out to ourselves far outweigh any external ones. Of course, this is true only if the cheater has a conscience. Narcissists and sociopaths suffer no such consequences.


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

This thread is depressing. There is no justice just a wake of pain and suffering. Such is life. Go to a third world country on your next vacation. You will realize your problem- as much as it hurts- is quite tolerable. Really. Go. It will help. It has helped me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Not that I want people to drop dead, but .... this story from the HuffingtonPost says cheaters are more likely to drop dead from the stress of infidelity.

Cheating Study: Men Who Cheat Are More Likely To Have Heart Attacks


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> I agree. The punishment that we dole out to ourselves far outweigh any external ones. Of course, this is true only if the cheater has a conscience. Narcissists and sociopaths suffer no such consequences.


In due time I do believe that some Narcissists (like my CH) will suffer dearly as a consequence of his actions. His treatment of me during this separation will be dealt with by a Judge who will "knock him down a few pegs", and for me that will be fun to watch.

In due time.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Thanks to all who replied - I clicked on "Like" on most of them because I really liked it - I never thought I would talk about it to someone, and someone would listen to it. 

Yes lamaga, you are right. I should have moved on - but I didnt even know what is moving on. Of course, I have a good professional life overall, but it somehow was always shadowed by sorrow. Never thought of big things in life after that. I know that is my mistake, but for several years I was thinking about the things that she told me, and also those things that she didnt tell but were obvious - and there were TOO MANY. No one will ever believe the things that I suffered and ignored. 

One thing that I got some relief from today (or in last few days after I joined TAM) is knowing the fact that I WAS NOT SELECTED ALONE FOR THIS TREATMENT BY GOD - there are several others who are suffering same thing (or perhaps more) like me, and many of them have successfully moved on.

oaksthorne, Thanks 

aug, Yes I am still married to her. She had said that time that "she would commit suicide if I dont marry to her" (Not because of me - her other BFs who completely destroyed her - physically and mentally.) I thought I am hero.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

How is your mge., now?

What is her attitude toward you now?

Is she staying with you cuz she loves you, or cuz you are her bank?

When was the last incidence of cheating that you know of?


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

49. Her attitude is in one word -I am BANK for her. Its another sad story, but for past 25 years i have opened every bank account as a joint a/c for both of us. My salary was deposied in bank by my companies, and she handled all of it till 2006. I was never rich, but had a good package as I am in IT field. In 2006, I noticed some strange pattern in my savings, and I started asking for some proof of where the money ws going - and since then life is never same as before. Few things:


Before marriage I told her that I will not ask about her salary nor use it, and still I don't
I don't have any addiction - not even drinks - my only addiction is books ( I have more than 1000 books at home, on programming, religious, science and literature)
You can call it, almost a sexless marriage - as she has several issues from past relations
last incidence of cheating that I know of: I can't answer this as I really don't know - there are red flags till date. (e.g. - She has 2-3 mobile phones - given by her bosses), working hours are very strange (Like every saturday and sunday also), Bosses call at 12:30 am also and many such things. I always used to ask her - but very politely, and believed any alibi she gave.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

So its more than likely, she is cheating on you even now

People don't make work calls in middle of night, unless they are working---people don't work sat/sun---unless they have that schedule---( You know what I mean---people do work, legitimately)

How long do you intend to just let your wife give herself to other men----

Why is she allowed access to your bank acct's, if she just spends the money, to please herself, and her lovers

At some point in time you need to stop this---I am sure mentally you are pretty much a wreck, unless you just don't care anymore

Why would you not D., this adulterous women who disguises herself as your wife


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

You are right jnj express, I know I should have been more watchful, more firm. I always knew about her behaviour, but was really thinking her as my soulmate, my everything till 2006. In 2006, I happened to visit some relationship related forums via Google, and found out about how many women cheat their BFs and Husbands. Most of the red flags, signs were prominently fitting my Wife, and I had made a fool of myself for 15 years. 

Yes, I am mentally Wreck internally. For my family and friends, co-workers, I am technically sound and a well-balanced, jolly person. Actually, my entire life has been hell. Really hell. Never enjoyed any event, picnic, travel, gathering, anything in life. And I am not pessimistic by nature. Life has just become messed up. Especially, people who spoiled my life (and wife) are so close to us - they must be laughing privately at me.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, Akash -- time to make some big changes. You are already miserable and alone -- what are you risking if you just divorce her? Sounds like if you stay there, you will continue to be miserable and alone. Why? Don't you deserve better?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

She's called a gold diggers plain and simple. Only there for the money from you, if not she would be out the door and living with someone else who'll provide for her and not bother her about what she's doing.

And you've lived with this monster for 25 years, you sir have the patience of a saint.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Akash, you must get something from this woman? We know it's not sex. It's not money. It's not respect. Certainly not happiness. What is it that keeps you tethered to this succubus?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Good question, Count, but really, bonus points for use of the word succubus


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You are getting the straight skinny here---WHY ARE YOU STILL MARRIED TO THIS PERSON, WHO CALLS HERSELF YOUR WIFE??????


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Good question, Count, but really, bonus points for use of the word succubus


This is a image of a succubus that comes up every time my ex phones me:

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSb-evgwADgJcRZHBLfRUQDWlXfK5YeTeNZlNsEpUnv2V4B_Opw


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

akashNil said:


> You are right jnj express, I know I should have been more watchful, more firm. I always knew about her behaviour, but was really thinking her as my soulmate, my everything till 2006. In 2006, I happened to visit some relationship related forums via Google, and found out about how many women cheat their BFs and Husbands. Most of the red flags, signs were prominently fitting my Wife, and I had made a fool of myself for 15 years.
> 
> Yes, I am mentally Wreck internally. For my family and friends, co-workers, I am technically sound and a well-balanced, jolly person. Actually, my entire life has been hell. Really hell. Never enjoyed any event, picnic, travel, gathering, anything in life. And I am not pessimistic by nature. Life has just become messed up. Especially, people who spoiled my life (and wife) are so close to us - they must be laughing privately at me.


You still have time to make a new life for yourself. You might be surprised how different it is, how much of a weight lifts, when you are free of this person who treats you like mud on her shoes.

You are not alone, many good people who loved and trusted their spouses have suffered from betrayal. It is not a punishment from God; for good or ill, each person has free will and some people take their free will and commit all sorts of terribly selfish acts.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Never ever thought of divorce. Probably *I *was in the FOG, not her. 

I hurt my family as well as friends to please her. I promoted her as the most virtuous person in my family (who never believed that anyway - especially my mother), friends, and everywhere. In return, she presented me in a very bad light to her family and friends. 

cheatinghubby, no, I am just a mortal - but I know I am too timid, but especially because I thought I was doing her a great favour by saving her, offering her life, giving her social recognition. I gave this to her (along with my money), but got only abuse and bad treatment in return.

Count of Monte Cristo, I have no answer to you most correct question - just regret. Nothing - nothing I ever got or am getting. The thought of separating at this age - I do not know what would happen. She has got bank balance (from my salary - her salary has always been less than $200 per month, her own home (from my money - I am not a co-owner), Huge friend circle .... 

iheartlife, I know you are right. I really need a new life.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

If you think about leaving her, visit a lawyer privately first and learn your rights. You sound like you may be afraid to leave because she has a bank account with your joint savings solely under her name (?) but if you are in the United States, the laws are written to anticipate this type of arrangment and protect the spouse who is vulnerable so that the one in control (i.e., your wife) cannot take advantage of you.

Could you confide in your family, and perhaps they could help you with this? She sounds like someone who might be very vengeful when crossed.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Yes, she is just like what you said. My family knows everything from the beginning (except the details of her affairs- they only know she had many of them. Only I know the details) and they are very much supportive of me. 

My mother who is very old now (GOD Bless her-she also suffered a lot), wants to see me having at least a comfortable life in her lifetime (These are her words which she says every time we speak on phone). My brother and sister are also aware of all things and they raise the same questions that many in this thread have asked. 

I think some burden has been lifted from my mind after I posted here - Although I havn't mentioned what i have gone through in past 25 years.

I appreciate everyone's comments, and the also the time they took for reading and writing in this thread. I have been so dumb, thick headed who knew everything in literature and programming ... and so stupid in actual life.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

And yes, I forgot to mention - I will seek the advice of a lawyer. I know she is way ahead of me. I have to just make up my mind for that.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

If it won't bankrupt you, you are better off without her. You can earn it again or be self sufficient with what you have.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Please do not beat yourself up...you can not change the past, but you can change your future. Take back your power! Go see a lawyer, and please begin therapy to build self-esteem. You will also want to learn how to process trauma and heal...sounds like you are holding onto many years of pain, and it will be very important for your health and future happiness to learn how to let go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LeighRichwood (Mar 31, 2012)

I'm usually the one who says to give things time to be sure you know what you want to do. I believe that divorce is pretty final and you should be certain you won't have honest regrets after it's done. (My logic is more complicated than two sentences, but we probably don't need all the details of my logic right now. )

In your case, you've been dealing with this situation for 25 years. What's left to think about? If your situation is as bad as you describe - it's probably worse because it's not really possible to tell everything on a message board - then your life can only get better without her. 

All that being said, you've waited 25 years so a few more months won't matter. Get your act together in the next few months. Choose an SOB for a lawyer and start laying the groundwork to escape to your new life. Be practical and make good decisions for yourself. She's been taking your money for 25 years. Set up the plan to get the gravy train stopped.

You can do this.


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## LeighRichwood (Mar 31, 2012)

And getting back to your original question - I believe that there is a natural consequence. We may never see it happen (which is unfortunate!) but it does happen. Since you're religious you will understand this viewpoint even if you may not like it... 

The consequences aren't always dramatic while we're here on Earth. I believe that Hell is fairly dramatic, though. That should cover it even though you may not get to witness her suffering.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

She is not way ahead of you, in anything---you are a decent human being---who knows what to call her

Get yourself, a bulldog of a D. lawyer, also go to the bank, put all the marital money you provide, in an acct., with ONLY YOUR NAME ON IT-----Cut off all her Credit Cards

If you have provided her with anything major that is hers, tell her she is now responsible for paying for its upkeep, cut her off of all insurance's---I E. Medical, Auto, Home, Life---in fact if she is your beneficiary on anything, take her out as beneficiary

What you will be doing, by doing the above ---is to give her a taste of REALITY, and you will now let her know you are deadly serious----payback for 25 LONG years of treating you like a POS.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes there is a natural revenge, often in the USA, cheaters die alone in a mobile home full of cats and cat boo...only to be found by the mailman..dead and with out any one giving a damn. 

Sure this is my perception, but it helps me sleep.

The point is I believe there is a natural revenge...a karma...a bus that will run over the cheaters.


You sound like a smart man and when it comes to matters of the heart I hope you take my views on this... so now we can both get some sleep at night, knowing we are self rightous no matter how others behave.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

yes there is natural revenge, but it comes in many forms..my fww and that butthead she cheated with thought they had it made till he died in the operating table,,,justice served.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to move money into safe accounts only you have access too and get a laywer ASAP.

You said she has 2-3 phones and takes calls late a night? Does she go out to meet them at these hours? Does she go on private vacations by herself?

You said she had you drive her to regular sessions to meet with one of her OM? And they physically and mental have used her?

I'm sorry, but is there a possibility that she's a call girl or is she is submissive in some kind of swingers club?

She's certainly still cheating. 

As for natural revenge? I would say it's letting the truth be known by the world. Expose the cheaters and expose the cheating to the light of day. Let the truth out.

I recommend you get a PI to help you track what she is doing and where she is going. Along, with the PI you need to use voice activated recorders in her car and where she takes these cell phone calls.

Honestly, I think you wife is continuing to live in a one sided open marriage.

I really hope there are no kids involved. If there are get them DNA tested ASAP.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I think he's totally ready to get out and just needs support to do it.



Shaggy said:


> I'm sorry, but is there a possibility that *** she is submissive in some kind of swingers club?


I vote dom


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

iheartlife said:


> I think he's totally ready to get out and just needs support to do it.
> 
> I vote dom


Possibly. I had a friend once who's sister in law had a couple of phones like this and got calls from male friends. Turned out she was earning her living on her back and the phones where for her on-call business.

She used different phones for different clients that way she could filter them and if one set got too nasty, she could ditch that phone and keep going with the rest.

The more I read, the more I think that there is something like this going on here.

So perhaps she's a mistress ? 

to the OP - have you searched her car or closet for special clothing she might be wearing for these men?


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Shaggy, I am too depressed after your comments - I know most of the time you are dead right (I have seen your comments in few other threads, and clicked on "Liked"). 

No, she doesn't go out at night (never went in last 25 years). And the two phones were given by her two bosses (one she had already - But I got very annoyed as why should she accept two phones from two different bosses. She said the bosses are partners but both of them have some issues with each other want to control the staff in their own way, and hence such thing).

I have confirmed the late calls are from one of the bosses only, most of the time he asks about what the other boss did in office etc. He seems to call at midnight as he leaves office at 10:30 (Its an educational organization)

What you said about one of her OMs is absolutely right - that was 25 years ago. That person was not only sexually abusive, but believed in physical torture also.

I agree about the bank account and the lawyer - I will certainly do it in this week itself.

LeighRichwood, I understand what you are saying. I visited your blog too. 

I thank all for their comments - I know I made a correct decision to join TAM and share my concerns here.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Is she is into being submissive then?

If so one of the big signs is her withholding sex or particular sex acts from you, to save for the Dom. 

You seriously need to deploy VARs along with a gps tracker on her car.

Can you elaborate on this past relationship with the Brother ?

What went down there! You said you took her to him,and she paid to stay? Can you explain how that worked, what the time line and events were?

Since you say she doesn't go out at night, that means she is doing whatever it is during the day. That actually works if you hire a PI since its easier for him to blend in and watch her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw do not confront her or think you are going to out smart her by asking clever questions.

Btw, bosses at educational institutions do not give employees cell phones and call them late at night. It just doesn't happen. 

On the days after she gets these calls, where does she go during the day,what does she wear? And how does she act at home? Does she hide her body, could there be marks on her? I'm really thinking she's a sub an these calls are to give her , her instructions for the next day and to check on her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

There's no such thing as "karma".

Y'all can rationalize all ya want but what comes around doesn't go around.

Get on with life, don't worry about it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Shaggy, She wears normal cloths. nothing special or new.

She withheld complete sex acts with me in past 25 years. We both do not have any physical or medical issues related to Sex - It is just non-existent. Only two of us know this as we make a grand lovebirds kind of show in front of others.

Hiding her body - I have not noticed. That's very clever point, Shaggy... I will keep a watch now.

About that story about her so called brother - That opens an old wound. I will write it in another message as I am too depressed now.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

Unfortunately there is no natural revenge for cheaters or anyone else in life. Great people can die horrible deaths and evil viscous psychopaths can die peacefully in bed. The only qualification I would make is that people with the kind of personality disorders that cause harmful behaviour to others tend to have dysfunctional personal relationships that gives them little joy. 

It is a bit of a fantasy to imagine that guilt acts as inner retribution because many people have a limitless ability to rationalize their behaviour and others are simply born without a sense of guilt. 

IMHO heaven and hell is a similar fantasy.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

For God sakes see a lawyer immediately. You would have to be a masochist to remain with her. Get tested for STD's. You are a doormat to her and a bank. She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? You are young enough to move on and fine someone else in the future. She is absolutely toxic to you. 
You stay with a woman who constantly cheats on you, putting your health at risk for STD's, uses you as a bank, virtually no sex life and threatens to kill herself if you want to divorce and plays you for a total idiot......WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Wait, you've not had sex for 25 years? Meanwhile she has had numerous affairs, and you've brought in all the money that the house runs on?

Look up the word cuckold, and run as fast as you can to a lawyer. Any lawyer, just file and get free. Move the money you can get your hands on into a new only you account. There isn't a functional marriage or relationship here.

Do you file joint taxes or separately? Do actually know what money she has coming in?


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## LeighRichwood (Mar 31, 2012)

akashNil - I know this is all very depressing, but you can't give into it and let your situation continue. This is just my humble opinion realizing that I know very little about all the details of the last 25 years since I didn't live it. I think you need to get your plan together and get moving with it immediately.

Everything you do to take care of yourself should be done without her knowledge. You must do everything secretly and do not confront her at all. Do not give her any chance to try to talk you out of moving forward or to do anything to stop your progress.

This will be very, very difficult. Staying in this marriage would be destructive.

I think it's very normal to want details and learn about what has been going on. In your case, though, there's alot to learn. If you take too long to do that you risk staying there. I know I said earlier that a few more months won't make a difference and that may be right, but this time should be spent laying the groundwork to get out. If you need details, then fine, but don't let that keep you from getting out. 

It is good that you've found this place for support. Just be sure to remain true to yourself and what you need for your "real'' life. Follow through with real action to heal and start a new life.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Mehh..maybe I`m wrong...

Adultery can give you a heart attack - Indian Express

Men are more likely to die from a heart attack during extra-marital sex | Mail Online


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So have you chosen a course of action?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

> I was always under impression (due to my religious upbringing) that* he will suffer some day *- but that didn't happen.


i don't know about you, but karma couldn't come fast enough for me. i'd have to "push it" in his direction, somehow.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

akashNil said:


> Shaggy, She wears normal cloths. nothing special or new.
> 
> She withheld complete sex acts with me in past 25 years. We both do not have any physical or medical issues related to Sex - It is just non-existent. Only two of us know this as we make a grand lovebirds kind of show in front of others.
> 
> ...


You did not have sex for the last 25 years?


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Yes Warlock. A little bit of foreplay, occasionally. Nothing beyond that. Writing few details are too painful for me. But that is true. I was hoping that someday she would come out of her own shell (afraid to have sex due to painful past) - But I am not sure now of anything.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Shaggy, no. not yet. After writing this here and reading all the replies, I am too depressed and relieved ... depressed thinking how did I wait for 25 years in this situation. Relieved due to the help and suggestions from all of you. I just took two days leave doing nothing.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need an action plan and some honesty.

She has had sex, but she hasn't had it with you. That was the affair, and from the sound of it, is has continued with other mr ,
You have been manipulated by her into believing it will get better. You now are realizing that it isn't and won't.
That is the past and you can't change it.
Depression is about lost hope for the future.
Find yourself a counsellor and talk about your situation. I believe you may be living in a codeendnt relationship which has robbed you of hope snd selesteeme
Hobeztky, it sounds like your wife has emotionally abused you ior the entire marriage
Your goal needs to be self discovery right nw to realize your future is in your hands and you can have hope for a better tomorrow.
It may not include her, but it can include people and true affection.
You should investigate her as I mentioned earlier, learn who she truely is and what secret parts of her life she has cut you out of.
You work on yourself at the sometime. Exercise, get a trainer at a gym an tell them you want to get fit again.
Hire a PI to find out about your wife.
Realize you hold the key to your happiness,not her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I do wonder if she is living a life as a submissive to these men. Her keeping you sexless would be her seeing you as a supporter of her and not a man she is responsible to.

Is she dismissive of you and your ideas? Who wears the pants in your house? Does she jump through hoops to please these men, but not you? In fact to the point of putting you down while praising them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Every word of your first post above is true. You judged everything even without knowing 99% of the details.As far as investigation is concerned, I am not sure since my gut feeling is telling me that it will definitely reveal the things that all of you have mentioned and I am afraid to know (now).

But for future, I know what I have to do.

Yes, she has been submissive to all those men.

Yes, I had told her to take care of all money related decisions before marriage (Thinking that I am giving her proper place in home and heart), and I took the responsibility to earn enough. That's why all common bank accounts.

She has been putting me down in front of everybody - her family, friends, everyone. Less verbally but more with actions, facial expressions and gestures. The more I mention this, more things are surfacing in my mind. I never thought of all these things collectively.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

No holding back, You investigate and expose everyone of them. Don't hold back. You have nothing to lose. Be the natural revenge. Which country are you from? India?


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Yes - how did you guess that ?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I have a friend with the same name.

Tell us your plan. how do you plan to proceed?


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

I will be frank- although I am sure it will invite a lot of criticism (which is justified).

I am so much used to this situation, I will take some time to think over it again and again. I have learned a lot about human nature and relationships recently. I know I have been a timid, doormat, or something similar for so many years.

Now what do I want from life? I do not think there is an opportunity to remarry. But I can spend my life for other noble purposes. I am thinking on that line. D will not be a big deal as I do not own anything significant. It has already been ripped off by my WW. But I do have knowledge (technical). I can utilize that for others to make their lives better. I am thinking something like that.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You can also expose the other men to their families, friends, and wives for the part they play.


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

If there are children, cheaters usually pay in that their relationship with the children suffers. My 11 yo daughter hates sleeping at her mothers' and never says that she misses her. Her AP's children (all grown) have cut him off.


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## CynicalMate (Sep 12, 2012)

I am very sorry to hear about your situation, akashNil. There is a lot of good advice here and a lot of good wisdom.

I'm posting to answer the original question: Is there a natural revenge? I can answer that one with an emphatic "yes".

Many years ago, I cheated on my ex-wife. There are a myriad of excuses, some more legitimate than others, but it all boils down to the simple fact that I betrayed the trust of my closest friend and the mother of my children. I don't know how I could possibly have ever done something like that, it is so counter to who I want to be and how I try to live. I was raised to be good and I used to think of myself as a moral individual, but to this day I still question my value as a person and what my character is really made of. I cry a lot over the missed time with my kids growing up and the pain I caused to my wife.

I suffered a great deal of depression following the divorce. I have a rather extreme negative self-image, whereas before the affair I was actually a pretty positive and upbeat guy. I've been to counseling and therapy, but I'm stuck living this life that I created, and no amount of counseling can change the past.

I don't think any event in my life affected me as deeply or as traumatically as the actions I chose in my moment of weakness.

I am living proof that revenge is alive and well, and this punishment is so much worse than I could ever have imagined.  I was unhappy and alone in marriage, but my actions were the completely wrong way to deal with those feelings.

If anyone reads this who is considering an affair, I beg you to read these words and know that tears are pouring as I write them. Please, please do not let this happen to you. Deal with the problems head-on, don't selfishly go out and create worse problems.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

This should be a sticky


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