# Rejoicing in my freedom to ....



## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

I have been separated for almost 2 years now, working on the divorce details. I came to a realization today that I haven't been showering as often as when I was married. Not because I'm depressed but because I can do whatever I want now. I don't have my stbxh keeping tabs on the last time I had a shower (if I didn't shower in the evening he got upset, he thought it was wrong to shower in the morning). So, as I was rejecting the negative emotions that I feel when I think about him, I thought about starting something new: Rejoicing in my freedom to .....

I'd like to hear yours.

Mine is: I am rejoicing in my freedom to be stinky!!!!

To everyone who has just started this process, it is incredibly difficult. There will be days that you can't believe how much pain you can feel without dying. You will get better!!! Focus on you, think about the new freedoms you have, follow whatever you are interested in - treat yourself delicately. I still have bad times but they are short and I have learned to quickly turn them around. You can do it too!!!

XO XO XO XO to you all - your posts got me through this.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I love looking at the mess on my desk and saying "hahahaha! you're staying there until I feel like cleaning you!"

I love waking up in the morning and leaving the bed 'unmade'. 

I love throwing my empty water bottles at the recycle bin and missing it without having to get up and pick it up! In fact I'm now practicing my deflection techniques by using the wall.

I love coming home at 3 in the morning and being as loud as I want without having to feel guilty


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Same here. Showers are a sort of trigger for me. My ex used to get upset if we had sex and then I took a shower before going to the gym. I don't know about other ladies, but I really dislike wafting off 'hey I had sex today' sweat fumes and vapors when I am working out. I like to take a shower so that I have some personal privacy while I'm at the gym. I explained this to him and he insisted it was because I had a boyfriend at the gym. The same thing if we were camping or going climbing, he would not understand about female hygiene and sex and not wanting to announce to the world that I'd recently been active and didn't care who knew or had to smell that on me. He also used withdrawal so it wasn't like it was just in one place, either. Another bone of contention, method of birth control, he never wanted to use condoms. Now I understand about a male wanting to mark his territory, but I disliked him trying to bully me into a situation where I would be embarassed and try not to be near people, and then he would want to take me out to dinner after climbing. If my crotch and body are smelling like sex, that's just not cool for me. I don't mind wallowing in the wet spot all night or sleeping 'dirty' but going out in public with the 'scent' is not my thing. Never has been and never will be. Of course, he was fine with just cleaning off his parts with a facecloth. But honestly, he would sweat all over me. Etc.

Now I'm with you, I shower whenever I want, and for whatever reason I want, or not.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Hee! So right there with ya!

Two things:

Trash bags: He said I used too many trash bags. Probably because I was the only one who ever took out the trash, but I now use as many trash bags as I damn well please, and...

Dishwasher: He said I didn't load the dishwasher correctly. PUHLEEZ.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

My freedoms from my STBXW come in different forms. A couple nights ago I stayed up until almost midnight drumming and playing my trumpet (which I haven't done consistently in many years). It was one of the most free feelings I've had in so long.

I'm free to decorate my house as I please. I can choose artwork I like and put it where I want. I can paint my walls whatever color I like.

I can cook what I want for dinner and what I want for breakfast. I feel like tacos...I make them. I feel like fried eggs and biscuits...I make them. No "Meh, that doesn't sound good." I did all the cooking in my family. Now she feeds herself. While I use my excellent cooking skills on myself...and my new GF. 

I actually am more hygienic now than I was before. My GF likes a clean man; I shave more often, trim my beard more. I keep my house much cleaner than I ever used to, because there won't be a lazy wife f*cking it all up a couple hours later while I'm cooking her dinner. I can take pride in my space and my home. 

So in my case, I'm free to be creative, have my own space, and take pride in it as I please.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

This weekend I was free to jump into bed with a bowl of ice cream and watch several episodes of "Sherlock" back-to-back. Oh yeah...


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Same here. Showers are a sort of trigger for me. My ex used to get upset if we had sex and then I took a shower before going to the gym. I don't know about other ladies, but I really dislike wafting off 'hey I had sex today' sweat fumes and vapors when I am working out. I like to take a shower so that I have some personal privacy while I'm at the gym. I explained this to him and he insisted it was because I had a boyfriend at the gym. The same thing if we were camping or going climbing, he would not understand about female hygiene and sex and not wanting to announce to the world that I'd recently been active and didn't care who knew or had to smell that on me. He also used withdrawal so it wasn't like it was just in one place, either. Another bone of contention, method of birth control, he never wanted to use condoms. Now I understand about a male wanting to mark his territory, but I disliked him trying to bully me into a situation where I would be embarassed and try not to be near people, and then he would want to take me out to dinner after climbing. If my crotch and body are smelling like sex, that's just not cool for me. I don't mind wallowing in the wet spot all night or sleeping 'dirty' but going out in public with the 'scent' is not my thing. Never has been and never will be. Of course, he was fine with just cleaning off his parts with a facecloth. But honestly, he would sweat all over me. Etc.
> 
> Now I'm with you, I shower whenever I want, and for whatever reason I want, or not.


...and he never came up with sex IN the shower?:scratchhead:


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

solitudeseeker said:


> This weekend I was free to jump into bed with a bowl of ice cream and watch several episodes of "Sherlock" back-to-back. Oh yeah...


holy crap...that sounds like my kind of night! Oh, wait, I have done that except with Dr. Who!


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

Do absolutely nothing all day.


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

Everyday when I got home from work and walked in the door the first thing he would do is look up at the clock. If I was home a few minutes later than he thought I should be home it would turn into the grand inquisition. "Where were you? Who were you with?" Uhhhh...I was at the grocery store with our son. Then I'd have to produce a receipt to corroborate the length of time. 

So here's to taking my time picking out just the right watermelon and not having to worry about the grief I'd get over the two extra minutes I took to do it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SoVeryLost said:


> Everyday when I got home from work and walked in the door the first thing he would do is look up at the clock. If I was home a few minutes later than he thought I should be home it would turn into the grand inquisition. "Where were you? Who were you with?" Uhhhh...I was at the grocery store with our son. Then I'd have to produce a receipt to corroborate the length of time.
> 
> So here's to taking my time picking out just the right watermelon and not having to worry about the grief I'd get over the two extra minutes I took to do it!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My stbxw would do that to me too and I hated it and so did the kids. I enjoy not having three calls on my way home wondering when I will be home, and not being called at the grocery store because I have been gone 17 minues and she thought it should take 13 minutes.

The other night, I went to the grocery store and spent almost an hour, and walked out with about $15 worth of food.

Here's to long trips to the grocery store!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> ...and he never came up with sex IN the shower?:scratchhead:


Naw, he wasn't into mutual back scrubbing or sharing hot water.
Not that I can remember. So if he ever had sex with me in the shower, I have to say it wasn't memorable at all. Now, when I was 19, I remember sex in the shower with my then-boyfriend  

The only water sex memorable with my ex is the hottub at the hotel we went to pre-deployment. He kept it up for two hours, let me get good and sore trying to help him come, then said he was too tired to help me out. :sleeping:

Typical jumping through hoops that happened in our relationship. I have no doubt that what I did was fantastic, but he never let on that it was, in order to keep upping the ante. Power and control.


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

It's nice to come home and not feel trapped in your own house even if you were doing it to yourself! I used to hate my house and wanted to move. Now I love it and the freedom that I have to enjoy it!


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

I'm free to take over the big hall closet and make it into an indoor garden


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

geek down said:


> I'm free to take over the big hall closet and make it into an indoor garden


Going to stop by the hydroponics store are ya?


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## Lostwouthim (Jun 17, 2012)

I've been free to not have to take care of anyone but myself! Don't have to worry if he has stuff for lunch, or what he wants for dinner, or how much money he needs to spend on himself next, or his laundry etc...............and I don't have to worry about picking up after his lazy butt!


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## AlterEgoist (Mar 6, 2012)

... of not having to answer to anyone. I don't have to hear stories about how bad someone's work day is or how they want to lose weight but eat one too many tacos.


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

Matt1720 said:


> Going to stop by the hydroponics store are ya?


No, I'm going to use my two grow lights I use to start my grandfather's garden. They normally just sit in the basement till he starts his tomato plants in January. HPS is too expensive to run. Gardening always was his way to deal with the stress of life and I've seen why..its so nice to just open the door and pick off some fresh basil and to watch things grow over the course of a day.


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

I personally enjoy worrying about my mess only. I can clean as I please. Still unsure of the actual relationship status, but not living in that is a blessing.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Naw, he wasn't into mutual back scrubbing or sharing hot water.
> Not that I can remember. So if he ever had sex with me in the shower, I have to say it wasn't memorable at all. Now, when I was 19, I remember sex in the shower with my then-boyfriend
> 
> The only water sex memorable with my ex is the hottub at the hotel we went to pre-deployment. He kept it up for two hours, let me get good and sore trying to help him come, then said he was too tired to help me out. :sleeping:
> ...


Water sex is great! Though something can be said for sex that results in minor injuries and broken furnature too...


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

Love this thread....
sometimes i don't shower now either! or shave my legs for days at a time.
i haven't bought or eaten meat in over a month. my fridge is happily full of morning star burgers and veggies and yummy almond milk. not to say i dont like a big steak sometimes! 
sometimes i vacuum daily and sometimes i just let the dog fur dust bunnies roll!
i can cook what i want for dinner! or maybe just make a pb&j.
i don't have to babysit and play cab driver for him and his stupid drunk friends.
i'm having a strong day. i could go on forever!


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

lulubelle said:


> Love this thread....
> sometimes i don't shower now either! or shave my legs for days at a time.
> i haven't bought or eaten meat in over a month. my fridge is happily full of morning star burgers and veggies and yummy almond milk. not to say i dont like a big steak sometimes!
> sometimes i vacuum daily and sometimes i just let the dog fur dust bunnies roll!
> ...


This sounds awesome!! I agree, this thread is awesome.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

I love being able to stay up until midnight on a worknight blaring my music really loudly without regard. 

I love being able to play my trumpet and snare drum at any time of day without having to worry how I sound. 

I love being able to come and go as I please without having to check in with anyone. 

I love being able to hog all the covers. 

I love not having to worry about leaving any hot water for anyone else. 

I love being able to play the occasional video game without having to feel guilty. 

Yes, this thread ROCKS. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

i love the fact that i can sit on the computer at noon without feeling guilty about not starting dinner, or cleaning.

i love the fact that there is a full basket of clean laundry sitting in the middle of my family room that i have no intentions of putting away today.


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

lulubelle said:


> i love the fact that i can sit on the computer at noon without feeling guilty about not starting dinner, or cleaning.
> 
> i love the fact that there is a full basket of clean laundry sitting in the middle of my family room that i have no intentions of putting away today.


Starting dinner at noon? Are you processing whole cows for an army?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Matt1720 said:


> Starting dinner at noon? Are you processing whole cows for an army?


LOL, Matt! :lol:

I don't know, depending what I'm preparing, I often need to go to the store by noon so that I can marinate, or braise, or slowcook, and there's always baking the dessert and/or bread, and yeah, you can very well have to start around midday.

We don't all live on Hot Pockets, you know!


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Napping once in a while in the afternoon. I work multiple jobs, and sometimes need the break...stbxh didn't work for months and years at a time but made me feel guilty. He was the victim of the economy, of course, while I was lazy. Right. No more!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I just ate an entire half gallon of ice cream...and loved every bite!


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

Matt1720 said:


> Starting dinner at noon? Are you processing whole cows for an army?


i'm sticking my tounge out at you right now!  and yes, i do alot of crockpot meals, make my own bread, ect. plus, you have to thaw meat, prep veggies, ect.

needless to say, i've been ordering out and making alot of quick kid friendly meals lately. i don't even think i've used my oven in a month or so!


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## Lostwouthim (Jun 17, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> I just ate an entire half gallon of ice cream...and loved every bite!


What flavor? Ice cream does sound nice!


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

Whilst I do miss her, I have been enjoying some of the freedoms that come with separation. 

- Listening to music LOUD has been fun...she was always a bit of a volume nazi. 
- Sleeping in on my child free weekends - this morning I woke up at 10am (the latest in about 10 years). 
- Leaving the dishes until the morning (this was always a big no, no)
- Like Matt1720 above, the odd 'do nothing all day' has been nice (love that Office Space pic too!)

I'd still rather have my family intact but there are some small pleasures to be had here and there.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Lostwouthim said:


> What flavor? Ice cream does sound nice!


Belgian Chocolate baby! Oh yeah!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I started ripping a movie for my daughters nook this morning, and thought, you know, it has been a hell of a long time since I sat in front of my computer and played any games, so I am going to spend the entire day playing video games...and I'm going to use cheat codes too!


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