# Wife Caught sexting again



## Vince Omnia (Jun 30, 2014)

Hi,

I first caught my wife sexting about 8 months ago. She was flirting on hot or not and dirty and trying to arrange to meet up for sex with this man. I caught her and she stopped. I then caught her using Hot or Not and flirting with several men. I read the conversations and she asked if he used Whatsapp. 

She said she would stop and then I could check her facebook so she could show that she was not using Hot or Not. Over the months she got very secretive with her works phone and I suspected that she was speaking to men via Whatsapp. One night she was pretending she was tired and said for me to go to bed. I could hear her phone beeping with messages. I eventually come down stairs to find her speaking to a bloke on the phone. I grabbed the phone and smashed it up. 

She said he was just a friend and he made her laugh, I said no more and it was the last time. I found some mobile numbers on her sticky notes on her laptop. I downloaded whatsapp and put all of the numbers in my phone. I contacted them all saying that my wife was married and stop contacting her as you are going to break up a marriage. I had a reply from one saying that she had sent him loads of dirty images and video of herself. (It was the same guy who she was talking to) 

I ring the guy up and tell him to stop or I would find him and have a chat. She seems to be truly remorseful so we decide just before xmas that we would give it go. New years day, what do I get??? A image of wife half naked posing for a image that she had sent him. She was even wearing her wedding knickers. 

Head messed up again, She says no video's. Believe that she means it and what happens when I come back from a 4 day holiday with my mates?? I find 2 half naked selfie's which has took on her private phone and then sent to her Works phone. She says it was a laugh and no Sexting. She does think there is anything wrong with Sexting. 

I have told her that I want a trial separation to sort my head out but she says that if I leave, I will breaking up our family and she would not have me back. I dont know what to do? After writing this, it looks truly awful how she has treated me, but she is my soulmate and I love her. 

I have asked to have access to her works phone and private phone, she has changed passwords. She has refused this and said that I should believe her. I have tried to talk to her about the reasons she has done it again, (even though she denies she sent sexts again) she wont talk about, she walks off. She wont go to counselling, but I am scared to leave her and worry what impact this would have the kids. 

I know she has trust issues as her father had a affair and to this day, she thinks I was unfaithful on my stag do. 

I am really confused and need advice.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

It does look awful...I can only imagine how you're living in this mess.

The bottom line is along as she knows you don't have the balls to leave her she'll continue to treat you like a piece of dog crap. At this point she is a chronic cheater who more than likely has gone physical. This is my hunch, I dont say it to alarm you.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

Ditch her quick. Don't tell her. Show her. Get papers drawn up and have her served. Best of luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

sinnister said:


> It does look awful...I can only imagine how you're living in this mess.
> 
> The bottom line is along as she knows you don't have the balls to leave her she'll continue to treat you like a piece of dog crap. At this point she is a chronic cheater who more than likely has gone physical. This is my hunch, I dont say it to alarm you.


This^^^
How much more are you willing to put up with this?
She has very little respect for you I would ask her to move out you can't force her.
Then if this is a deal breaker for you I would file.
Show her you mean business.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Actually, with her actions, SHE will have broken up the family. She has complete responsibility for her actions. Seems she is a serial cheat and you are trying to fix her.

Ask her to go to IC also also MC. But is she needs to stop all this behavior for IC/MC to help. Otherwise it's a waste of money. 

While people explain their behavior by saying parents were cheats/affairs, really - understanding this does not justify her behavior. She has made her own greedy choices, not you. 

I fear if you patch things up, you'll always be watching. Take care with your decisions. You don't deserve this at all. You say she is your soul mate. Well she WAS your soul mate. A real soul mate does not do such evil things. She has brought toxic evil into your family.

Fixing it is tough. Leaving is also tough. No one can tell you what to do here, only what they would do.

Read up on MMSLP and take action. No action means no consequences. Maybe take her up on her bluff. Right now she does as she pleases with no consequence of her actions.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

do you have kids?

It does not sound like she is going to change

get out now


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## Vince Omnia (Jun 30, 2014)

Thanks for the replies. As I have read back my post. It does look truly shocking and I know I need to leave her. I hope the kids will be O.K


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

wait don't leave make her leave; well legally you may not be able to make her leave but if you leave it could be counted as abandonment.


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## Vince Omnia (Jun 30, 2014)

convert said:


> do you have kids?
> 
> It does not sound like she is going to change
> 
> get out now


I do have 2 kids, for me. I truly did love her and will hate the idea of her now being with other men openly and the kids have another man in their life.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Vince Omnia said:


> I do have 2 kids, for me. I truly did love her and will hate the idea of her now being with other men openly and the kids have another man in their life.


Yes that part sucks. The only thing worse than that is having all that happen while continueing to get your soul sucked out of you as you hope the wife that you have can become the wife you THOUGHT you had.

She's not what your heart thinks she is. Let the other men deal with the cheating and sexting. There are so many gorgeous women out their that would be happy to commit to you. Unless you look like quasimodo or something.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Paternity test the kids 
Get std test for yourself
File for d as quickly as you can. 
She either gets her head out if her arse or gets left in the dust. 
Protect your asserts as best you can
Do a hard 180 and do it for yourself

She is quite experienced at this. There is likely more than you know. 

Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Get tested for STDs you really have no idea how far she has gone.
Just to be safe.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

This has more red flags the all of China. Two words - DNA, Divorce.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What did you not find out?


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. DNA the kids.
She knows there are no consequences to her actions which is why she continues to do this.
She constantly humiliates you and your marriage. 
IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Let's make this perfectly clear to her.... SHE is breaking up the family not you...time to expose her to everyone...if need be send her family the pictures she send other men...but this is squarely on her back.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

You say she's your soulmate. No she's not. You need to get that thought out of her head. Detach.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Vince

Have her served.

Then try to have her evaluated by a doctor.

She needs a good shrink.

HM


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Sounds like she is playing you for fool. If she was real remorseful about cheating her phone and everything would be a open book. I agree with the others. I would get in touch with a lawyer and file. I would also get a new account established with only your name on it and start putting your money in it. 

You can't help someone that is a serial cheater. It really has nothing to do with you. She will more than likely do it to the next guy to. Your better off getting away from her and just focusing on being a good father for your kids. 

Clay


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Definately:

1. No respect for you.
2. Bad sign that she is not being open with her phone, etc.
3. Will be a matter of time that she has a PA if she has not had one already.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Make it clear that *HER* actions and breaking *HER* marital vows is what are breaking up the marriage then inform her she is wrong you are not the one leaving she is the one who needs to get out, maybe as she is getting served with D papers might be best kinda the hammer and nail technique.

While I am not in favor of a RA or anything like it if you are staying in the marriage if you decide to file the same day I would be pulling her tricks and getting as many naked pictures of woman as you can, after all it seems like she has no remorse and she believes her actions are fine no matter how much you protest.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Vince Omnia said:


> Hi,
> 
> I first caught my wife sexting about 8 months ago. She was flirting on hot or not and dirty and trying to arrange to meet up for sex with this man. I caught her and she stopped. I then caught her using Hot or Not and flirting with several men. I read the conversations and she asked if he used Whatsapp.
> 
> ...


No, no such thing as a soul mate. It's just some woman you met and fell in love with. Do you think somebody that matched up your soul would treat you like this?

Get out of the notion of soul mate and get with the notion that this is a woman that has little respect for you and if you give her a chance she will cheat on you.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Vince Omnia said:


> Hi,
> 
> I first caught my wife sexting about 8 months ago. She was flirting on hot or not and dirty and trying to arrange to meet up for sex with this man. I caught her and she stopped. I then caught her using Hot or Not and flirting with several men. I read the conversations and she asked if he used Whatsapp.
> 
> ...


Don't leave. Kick her the f*ck out.


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## Jambri (Mar 19, 2013)

Man, get this albatross out of your life ASAP! She is NOT your soulmate! She has no respect for you and I truly doubt she even loves you or likes you. Find someone else. ANYONE else would be an improvement!


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Have you thought about exposing this to everyone and anyone you know and maybe that would curb this behavior. Consider taking all the texts and photos you found and showing them to family members and select friends. That just might be the kick in the pants she needs to get her to focus back on the family.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> Have you thought about exposing this to everyone and anyone you know and maybe that would curb this behavior. Consider taking all the texts and photos you found and showing them to family members and select friends. That just might be the kick in the pants she needs to get her to focus back on the family.


This^^^is really the only chance you have to snap her out of this.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Vince Omnia said:


> I do have 2 kids, for me. I truly did love her and will hate the idea of her now being with other men openly and the kids have another man in their life.


I've got news for you Dawg, she's going to be with other men, and probably already has been with other men, whether you're around or not. You question to yourself should be, "do I love her so much Im willing to tolerate other guys tapping her when I'm not around." She'd have to have something no other gal has got for me to even think about putting up with that crap. Your kids are unlucky enough to have a mother who's is either going to be a blatant cheater or probably having various men in and out of the house most of every week once you're out of the picture.


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## Vince Omnia (Jun 30, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> I've got news for you Dawg, she's going to be with other men, and probably already has been with other men, whether you're around or not. You question to yourself should be, "do I love her so much Im willing to tolerate other guys tapping her when I'm not around." She'd have to have something no other gal has got for me to even think about putting up with that crap. Your kids are unlucky enough to have a mother who's is either going to be a blatant cheater or probably having various men in and out of the house most of every week once you're out of the picture.


You are right mate, I am glad I posted here as I have been suffering in silence as we have alot of mutual friends. I have concluded she is a *****!!!


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Vince Omnia said:


> I do have 2 kids, for me. I truly did love her and will hate the idea of her now being with other men openly and the kids have another man in their life.


 With her current attitude of open disrespect for you and the normal boundaries of marriage, it is only a matter of time before your kids will see another man in their mother's life. Unless she completely changes, if she is not already in a physical affair, she soon will be. She has already seen you back down time and again. Her telling you that if you leave that “she would not have” you back, is her telling you that she as the cheater gets to make all the rules. The only option that she is giving you if you want to stay in this marriage is for you to agree to be a cuckold, which would be very bad for your children to see. You really have no choice here. If the marriage is not over now it will be over later. For the sake of your own self respect and the respect of your children, you must file for divorce and mean it. You should only think about taking her back if she does the work needed to prove to you that she deserves a 2nd chance. It is not a sure thing that she will do the work, but if she does not want to save her marriage enough to stop cheating, then the marriage was going to end anyways, just with a lot more pain and humiliation suffered by you.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Vince Omnia said:


> I am scared to leave her and worry what impact this would have the kids


The damage is already done and will continue regardless of whether you stay or go.

Ask yourself if you can live like this for the next 10 or 20 years and if the alternative (basically starting your life over again) is the better way to go.

I know what I'd do.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Vince Omnia said:


> Hi,
> 
> I first caught my wife sexting about 8 months ago. She was flirting on hot or not and dirty and trying to arrange to meet up for sex with this man. I caught her and she stopped. I then caught her using Hot or Not and flirting with several men. I read the conversations and she asked if he used Whatsapp.
> 
> ...


Contact a divorce lawyer/family law solicitor to learn how to protect the interests of you and the children.

She has wrecked your marriage but will not own up to her actions.

It's only a matter of time before she cheats physically. In fact, she might already have done so. Best get an STD test. And if you can, get the children DNA tested.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Vince Omnia said:
> 
> 
> > Hi,
> ...



Matt why do you repost the entire first post?

It's overkill


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lenzi said:


> Matt why do you repost the entire first post?
> 
> It's overkill


As, of course, irony of ironies, was your re-posting the re-posting, and then complaining about it...


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> As, of course, irony of ironies, was your re-posting the re-posting, and then complaining about it...


Don't confuse irony with sarcasm.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I now have a distinct need to multi-quote every single post in this thread...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lenzi said:


> Don't confuse irony with sarcasm.


I never do.


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## canapetrois (Jul 1, 2014)

My wife encouraged us to move to a different country for a different life. I was first to move and she followed six months later with the kids. I discovered that she had been exchanging sexy text messages with a former colleague at work and even sent him a sexy picture of her. I confronted her and she said it was nothing but an innocent flirt and was sorry about it and that it had a negative impact on our relationship. After that I didn't trust her and kept monitoring her phone, which she put a password on. I found that she still kept the sexy talk with this former work-mate. I also found that she's also exchanging these flirty messages with her ex-boyfriend...even sending each other pornographic pictures and videos. I used to hold her in so much trust but now I don't. We still stay together and do all the things couples do but this is eating me so much. I feel like I can't tell her and I'm not sure what happened the period we were separate from each other.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

canapetrois said:


> My wife encouraged us to move to a different country for a different life. I was first to move and she followed six months later with the kids. I discovered that she had been exchanging sexy text messages with a former colleague at work and even sent him a sexy picture of her. I confronted her and she said it was nothing but an innocent flirt and was sorry about it and that it had a negative impact on our relationship. After that I didn't trust her and kept monitoring her phone, which she put a password on. I found that she still kept the sexy talk with this former work-mate. I also found that she's also exchanging these flirty messages with her ex-boyfriend...even sending each other pornographic pictures and videos. I used to hold her in so much trust but now I don't. We still stay together and do all the things couples do but this is eating me so much. I feel like I can't tell her and I'm not sure what happened the period we were separate from each other.


In terms of soliciting input from others w/ respect to your situation, you should probably keep to the thread that you just opened.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Vince Omnia said:


> I have told her that I want a trial separation to sort my head out but she says that if I leave, I will breaking up our family and she would not have me back


"Soulmates" don't cheat, so she may be yours, but you DEFINITELY aren't hers. Oh by the way, she is sending naked pictures, sexual texts, flirting, contacting men, using untraceable messaging, sending videos and she says you can't come back because you are breaking up the family? 

Do you realize how ridiuclous that sounds?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Another OP missing in action.


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## FromEurope (Jun 29, 2014)

She is playing you big time!


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

There should not be any other men in your children's life. 

Can't this be evidence in a custody hearing as an unstable mother with this type of behavior?

Keep whatever evidence you have. 

Yes, your wife has no intentions of stopping her behavior. Time to file for divorce unless you want to continue like this.


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

OP's wife has serious self-esteem issues, that's why she continues to seek out validation and ego-stroking elsewhere. I've been there, you need new/different people constantly to lift you up, you seek it out. It's clinical, and it's sad. As much as I'd like to say, as a husband, he should try to help her, and IC is in order....it sounds like it's pretty likely she's already done a bunch of stuff besides just the sexting he found, that - if it came to light - would make this completely irreparable. Within reason, OP should try to push her to get help anyway, she is the mother of his two kids, her emotional baggage is going to be in his life because of that. Even after divorce, mom still whoring herself around looking for every man's validation, will be a bad influence.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

changedbeliefs said:


> OP's wife has serious self-esteem issues, that's why she continues to seek out validation and ego-stroking elsewhere. I've been there, you need new/different people constantly to lift you up, you seek it out. *It's clinical, and it's sad*. As much as I'd like to say, as a husband, he should try to help her, and IC is in order....it sounds like it's pretty likely she's already done a bunch of stuff besides just the sexting he found, that - if it came to light - would make this completely irreparable. Within reason, OP should try to push her to get help anyway, she is the mother of his two kids, her emotional baggage is going to be in his life because of that. Even after divorce, mom still whoring herself around looking for every man's validation, will be a bad influence.


This is how one of my ex's was.

When you say it's clinical, is that opinion or is there an actual psych designation for this? Although I'm happily remarried, I am still scarred by her behavior, and try to understand this insatiable need for validation.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If she's sending naked pics of herself to other men, then she's cheating. I see no difference in it.

She's your wife and your the only man whose supposed to see her naked and now how many other men are seeing her and sharing it with their friends.

If that's what you want, to have your wife's naked body broadcasted all over the internet and keep forgiving her, then how about thinking of your kids. It's their Mom and there might come a day when they find out about it and see it.

Your a parent and your kids need someone to be stable since she isn't so friend, you better start thinking about unloading her and protecting your children.


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

Hi Vince - I am sorry for the circumstances and the heartache you are experiencing. This is certainly not an easy thing to walk through. I do believe that you love your wife and you want to do what is right for your whole family. Having said that, do you think allowing this kind of behavior is best for your marriage and for your kids? Does your wife really think that it is o.k. to send revealing pictures of herself to other men? Can you envision going on in this same manner just ignoring the behavior? I ask these questions because how you answer them will determine how you move forward. 

I am assuming by the words that you use that you are not in the USA. What country do you live in? I ask because I know about a Christian Ministry that has free counseling available with licensed counselors who could be a help to you. I can also provide a link to some informative articles if you ask. If you would like them just send me a private message.

Again, I am so sorry for your dilemma. I went through and unwanted divorce myself five years ago and my heart is still broken. One book I would highly recommend is titled _Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis_ by Dr. James Dobson. Hang in there and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. May the Lord bless you and guide you through this time.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Vince Omnia said:


> Hi,
> 
> I first caught my wife sexting about 8 months ago. She was flirting on hot or not and dirty and trying to arrange to meet up for sex with this man. I caught her and she stopped. I then caught her using Hot or Not and flirting with several men. I read the conversations and she asked if he used Whatsapp.
> 
> ...



I'm truly sorry. but your instincts are quite healthy on this. you don't want to be married to a slvt......i.e. her. hard to conceive of any acceptable alternative to getting rid of her.


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## Vince Omnia (Jun 30, 2014)

WolverineFan said:


> Hi Vince - I am sorry for the circumstances and the heartache you are experiencing. This is certainly not an easy thing to walk through. I do believe that you love your wife and you want to do what is right for your whole family. Having said that, do you think allowing this kind of behavior is best for your marriage and for your kids? Does your wife really think that it is o.k. to send revealing pictures of herself to other men? Can you envision going on in this same manner just ignoring the behavior? I ask these questions because how you answer them will determine how you move forward.
> 
> I am assuming by the words that you use that you are not in the USA. What country do you live in? I ask because I know about a Christian Ministry that has free counseling available with licensed counselors who could be a help to you. I can also provide a link to some informative articles if you ask. If you would like them just send me a private message.
> 
> Again, I am so sorry for your dilemma. I went through and unwanted divorce myself five years ago and my heart is still broken. One book I would highly recommend is titled _Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis_ by Dr. James Dobson. Hang in there and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. May the Lord bless you and guide you through this time.


Thankyou for your kind words. I know I need to leave and get divorced!! It is a weird situation as my wife is going around as if nothing has happened. It is my sons birthday at the end of the July. I will leave in august. Going to see a solicitor next week


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> This is how one of my ex's was.
> 
> When you say it's clinical, is that opinion or is there an actual psych designation for this? Although I'm happily remarried, I am still scarred by her behavior, and try to understand this insatiable need for validation.


I was being somewhat glib, I don't know if there is a clinical diagnosis, per se, but my implication was, a "pep talk" isn't going to help her out of it. I think it requires IC to really get at the heart of and work through.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Vince Omnia said:


> Hi,
> 
> I first caught my wife sexting about 8 months ago.
> I am really confused and need advice.



Based on my own experiences, and the advice of people here, yeah it sounds like she's probably screwing around more than you know.

But that doesn't have to mean its over. How do you guys get along? me and my wife get along pretty good most of the time, even though she's a lying cheating ****. It's a good chunk of why I stay with her. Excellent roommates, I call it.

it could be worse, ya know?


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> "Soulmates" don't cheat, so she may be yours, but you DEFINITELY aren't hers. Oh by the way, she is sending naked pictures, sexual texts, flirting, contacting men, using untraceable messaging, sending videos and she says you can't come back because you are breaking up the family?
> 
> Do you realize how ridiuclous that sounds?


Good post. "Soulmates" don't exist and the notion of them in western relationships keep people stuck in very bad situations. 

some other perspective on it:
The Soul Mate Myth |


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