# My wife left.



## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Well this is a depressing place to be, and one I never imagined I'd be in!

We've been together for over 6 years, married for 2.5. We don't have any kids. Last week she caught me completely off guard and told me she didn't want to be with me anymore. She left the house, telling me she would be back but I haven't seen her since. The coupe of days that followed were the most excruciating and painful moments of my life. I have no idea where she is staying and Ive tried contacting her. I sent her numerous emails, called her, texted her but never heard anything from her. Ive stopped doing that as I've realized it wasn't helping and only made me look weak and desperate (which I pretty much am!). I do want her to come back, the thought of not being with her is unbearable.

I had to go away this weekend for thanksgiving and when I got home I walked into a house that had been ransacked. She had returned to the house and taken some of her things. While doing so she felt the need to rip up every piece of paper and picture she came across. It took me hours to clean up. She did bizarre things like take all the toilette paper, pour mouth wash all over the bathroom and dump pop cans all over the garage. She was also sending bizarre text messages to my friends. Apparently most of them were illegible and they thought somebody was drunk texting them! I guess doing all that made her feel better. As a result of this I went out and changed the locks. She had taken things that weren't hers and I didn't want to come home from work and find the house destroyed again. I know I can't keep her out of the her own house, and I don't want to, I just want her to slow down. She finally emailed me last night demanding I meet her at a specific time and place tonight to give her a key. I was happy to hear from her but I'm under no illusions about this. I imagine I'll show up, give her the key and she will leave. 

My problem, and where Id like some advice, is that she has told me she is coming by tomorrow from 5:30-9 to pick up more of her stuff and that she doesn't want me to be there. Now, I have no desire to be there and watch her walk out with all of her things, but I'm really not comfortable with her being alone in the house after what happened on the weekend. We share a small dog that is basically our child (I know, I know!) and I'm also worried she will try and take her. I don't want to make a horrible situation even worse by refusing to leave, but like I said I don't want her there alone for that long. I'm also worried about risking any faint chance we might have of working this out and if all is lost for our marriage I at least want this to be as painless as possible. 

So, any advice? Should i leave and hope for the best or refuse to leave until she at least talks to me? Any help is greatly appreciated. 

Thanks.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Throw as much of her stuff as you can into the garage or front porch and tell her to get the stuff from there. Tell her that after she vandalized your home, she can only enter the house under supervision. Change the locks.

Sorry, she is in some kind of affair fog or psychosis. Treat her like you don't care. Good luck friend. Most WAS that leave like that don't come back to R.

Are you working on yourself?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Depending on the state you live in, while she has a right to come to the house you have every right to be there. 

Mine future ex did the same thing, then asked me to be away from the house while she got some items out of the house. She told me her mother was going to help her pack a couple of items. What really happened his her new boyfriend and her came and cleared out two entire rooms worth of furniture, tv's, things like that. I was shocked and an emotional wreck when I came home and saw how much stuff had been removed. That was the last time she was in the house, I changed the locks that day. Now she just demands items but never picks them up but thats another story.

Insist that you either be present while she is at the home and I would suggest having another person around also as a witness. Its your home too, while she can ask you to be away from it, legally you are entitled to be there unless she gets a court order something along those lines. 

If you just let her in you will be mighty surprised when you get home whats gone from my experience.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

You need to be there.

Make sure you have a friend or family member there with you, in case she goes nuts and calls the police.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Yea, I was leaning towards being there. It's so crazy how this happens, this time last week we were going to a movie and now this. I can't see her calling the police or doing something like starting the couch on fire, but then I never thought she'd be doing what she is now. There isn't another man, just a few friends who of course now think I'm the most horrible person ever! We live in Canada and from what I can tell so far neither person can keep the other out of the house without something like a restraining order. I've learned a whole new vocabulary in these last few days that I never wanted anything to do with. I picked up some books and have been going over them. I've made a lot of mistakes, the difference I feel is that I'm trying to now be proactive and try and do something about my issues while she just wants to blame me for everything. But, that's just my half of the story. What a mess!


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

Sorry you are here. I feel like some information is missing. 
What was the relationship like before this? Is this the first time she walked out on you? Do you want the marriage to work?

I don't know the law where you're from but i don't think you can legally keep her from entering the home. Document everything in the house and what is yours. When she comes by, have 1-2 friends with you. Avoid touching her things and don't let her keep anything behind. Make sure this is the last time she has a reason for coming home unless its to fix the relationship. 

Good luck


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Well our relationship wasn't perfect. It's a lot easier to see all the problems now than it was before. We didn't communicate we'll, I have issues with how I deal with anger and frustration and so on. I want my marriage to work, I've never for a moment stopped loving her or wanting to be with. When this first started I found myself feeling almost a sense of relief because I foolishly thought for a second that we would now be able to try it again and rebuild our relationship without repeating the same mistakes. Even with all her bizarre behaviour this last week I still just want her back. This is the first time she has left. 

One concern I have is that she only works part time. She took a part time teaching position this year so we would have more time together (that worked out great!). As a result of this, she has a lot of time off in the afternoons and doesn't work at all on Wednesday. So, I'm worried she will just show up in the middle of the day when I'm at work and do who knows what if I insist on being there tomorrow. 

Thanks for all the help!


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

So does she have a copy of the new keys ? Don't tell her your going to be there. Just be there waiting for her.

If you can't have a friend with you, then have a camera or recording device. She may become uncivil and it will come in handy. 

Try to talk to some of her friends and family to see what is really going on. Maybe there is a history of mental disorder or a work related trauma.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Well there is a history of mental illness in her family! She is ion medication for depression, anxiety amd Adult ADD. But, I'm not ready to say that is what has caused all of this. We've had problems, I haven't treated as well as I should have but that goes both ways. I'm not an innocent victim but neither is she. I'm not really comfortable talking to her friends or family. I can only imagine the things she has told them and I really don't think I'd get support from them, even they even responded to me. I haven't responded to her message asking for a meeting. maybe I'll show up a little late! She will get a copy of the new keys tonight. I also changed the alarm code, but I don't think I'll tell her that just yet. Ugh I hate these stupid games, it's such a waste.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

I would sell the things she wants to repay the items that she took that weren't hers. I would not give her a key, either.


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

LovemyJu said:


> Well there is a history of mental illness in her family! She is ion medication for depression, anxiety amd Adult ADD. But, I'm not ready to say that is what has caused all of this. We've had problems, I haven't treated as well as I should have but that goes both ways. I'm not an innocent victim but neither is she. I'm not really comfortable talking to her friends or family. I can only imagine the things she has told them and I really don't think I'd get support from them, even they even responded to me. I haven't responded to her message asking for a meeting. maybe I'll show up a little late! She will get a copy of the new keys tonight. I also changed the alarm code, but I don't think I'll tell her that just yet. Ugh I hate these stupid games, it's such a waste.


DO NOT GIVE HER THE KEYS. DON'T MEET WITH HER TONIGHT. You're not ready. 

Reply to her email with a date to pick up her things. Give her no indication that you will be there waiting.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Well the problem I'm facing is that I don't really have any right to keep her out of the house. I have good reasons to want to do it, but we own it together, she has just as much of a legal right to be here as me. I don't want to give her anything else to hold against me.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

She sounds very angry with you.

Have you ever hit her?

Were you having an argument just prior to her leaving?


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

No I never hit her and no, we hadn't had an argument. We had argued a little the week before, but nothing unusual.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If anything happens again, make sure you take videos or pictures of the mess. You'll want some kind of proof, if you end up wanting a restraining order.

You should speak to a lawyer ASAP, and find out what your rights and responsibilities are. 

If I was you, I wouldn't give her a key until you're forced to. Tell her that if she wants to get anything, she can come over when you're there. You have a right to be there as well... She can't kick you out even for a limited time. You should make sure you carry a Voice Activated Recorder always, and turn it on if she shows up while you're there. If you have the means, a hidden camera or two would be a great idea, even when you're not there. 

Just some things to think about... You don't want to give her the option of having you kicked out of the house, arrested, or damaging your property. 

I think there's a lot that still is unsaid about what's going on here... People don't generally snap like that, with no warning. And to ransack her own house... Something has set her off, and either you don't know yet, or you're not telling us.

C


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Well I gave her a key and left. The whole meeting took about 5 minutes. I did take pictures of all the mess she made. I think there is a lot unsaid as well. I'm really not sure what set her off. A few months ago I was chatting with some people online, watching some webcam shows. I was looking for attention since she spent most of her time ignoring me. She was furious when she found out and was right to be. I was extremely ashamed of what i had done. There is no real excuse for what I did but as far as I knew we were doing ok. It had been a few months, we had spent several enjoyable weeks in Europe during the summer. I was working on rebuilding her trust in me but I don't know, I guess it wasn't working. But just the fact she went off like this was really unexpected. I'm fairly certain it's over.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

My soon to be ex husband left me without warning as well and want to keep the keys to the house. When I say that I will change the lock, he threaten to kick down my door and break my windows. Instead of arguing with him, I just got a monitored alarm system and notify my neighbor of the issue. If they see him trying to gain access to the house to call me immediately.

I also put majority of his stuff in the garage so that he can go and pick it up. However, I took pictures to prove that I have put those items in the garage in case he claims I never return those stuff to him.

I have hired a lawyer and as soon as he is served with the paper I will ask for temp protection of the house to safe guard myself. I never thought I will end a marriage like this but self protection is #1 now.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

She has a also been spending a significant amount of money. She spent well over $400 today alone. Money isn't a huge issue with us, but we don't have loads of extra sitting around. She has demanded that I move all the money we have from our savings accounts into our chequing account so she can see what we have, but with her recent spending binges I'm worried about what she will do with it.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

LovemyJu said:


> She has a also been spending a significant amount of money. She spent well over $400 today alone. Money isn't a huge issue with us, but we don't have loads of extra sitting around. She has demanded that I move all the money we have from our savings accounts into our chequing account so she can see what we have, but with her recent spending binges I'm worried about what she will do with it.


She'll clean you out put half minus the 400 today.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Again, talk to a lawyer ASAP to find out how to protect yourself. I know there's not much you can do tonight, but the sooner the better. Make sure that half the money goes into an account that she has access to, and half goes into an account that only YOU have access to. Also figure out how to protect any retirement funds you have, in case she figures she wants to cash in some of those.

C


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

You're probably right, I just really don't want to go the lawyer route yet. But I suppose it's inevitable.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

One thing I found out on accident is that if you mention the word divorce that most bank will automatically lock your joint account. This might be good for you if you are scare she will clean it out. 

To me, I was glad that I said the word divorce and have the joint account locked because I feel it is protection for both parties.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You don't need to file any papers or anything. In Canada, you can't do much before a year of separation is up anyway. Just get information. Like I said, learn your rights AND responsibilities. Information is king; it will let you make informed decisions.

You can also check out Ottawa Divorce .com Forums - Powered by vBulletin for some more Canadian focused help. 

C


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If it was me and I had the money i would hire a PI and have her investigated.
You must find out what you are dealing with so you can take the right course of action.
If its drugs or booze then you can have the proof to confront the poeple that truely care about her and intervene.

If it a another man then you can confont the poeple that truely love her and interveen.

what ever the case you need to get proof that what she is doing is irrational and these poeple that truely care need to help her ciz right now there isn't a thing you can do to influence her cuz in her mind you are the root to all her problems.

You need to find an allie and prove to them with evidence that your wife is some how being infected and you need their help.

So for starters start investigating why this irratict behavior is coming from, then find the support.

And stay away from your wife...in her mind you are nothing...for some reason any attempt to confront her will be a waste of time....but you can find some one she respect to do your bidding.

I mean how can you fight for your marriage when you haven't a clue in what you are fighting.....hire a PI and find the root to your wifes problem.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

There aren't any issues with booze or anything like that. I can see what she is spending money on. Mostly it's at Costco and a bookstore. 

The best I can guess is that she feels strong and liberated from the horrible and unbearable life I sucked her into. I don't know. There really isn't anyone in her group of friends or family that I think would be a reliable ally in this. 

Thanks for all the support!


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Well here is an unexpected development. I just received an email from her. Apparently seeing me tonight was really hard for her. She says she had a moment of strength but that now it feels horrible to leave things like this. 

She has some questions regarding what I did online and said that she can't trust me. 

I want to answer all other questions and talk to her but I'm not sure if it is the right move. I don't want to miss an opportunity to start fixing things, or at least to make this ordeal less cruel and painful. At the same time, she has acted so bizarre and crazy I'm afraid she is just manipulating me in the hope of getting information that she will use against me. **** this is hard!


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Well here is an unexpected development. I just received an email from her. Apparently seeing me tonight was really hard for her. She says she had a moment of strength but that now it feels horrible to leave things like this. 

She has some questions regarding what I did online and said that she can't trust me. 

I want to answer all other questions and talk to her but I'm not sure if it is the right move. I don't want to miss an opportunity to start fixing things, or at least to make this ordeal less cruel and painful. At the same time, she has acted so bizarre and crazy I'm afraid she is just manipulating me in the hope of getting information that she will use against me. **** this is hard!


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

If you have cash in the bank, withdraw it before your meeting. You can always give her half of it back after the fact.

Her excuse for doing what she did, and the timing of it, smacks of an affair. Call her on it accordingly.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Well she showed up with a couple friends and her brother. I wouldn't leave and she called the cops because I was scaring her. Thankfully her brother was able to calm her down. They took 99% of her stuff. It's good I was there since they wanted to take things that weren't hers, like a dresser we had bought together and other furniture. I thought our dog would be happy to see her but man was I wrong. When she came in the dog went crazy like she was some stranger!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Who were the friends? Were they guys?

I still think some POS guy is messing with her head and infecting the marriage.

Trust your dog...you are in fact dealing with a complete stranger, so take the step to protect your self. What I'm talking about is emotional...emotionally detaching.

As hard as it is and it will be hard, you must distance your self from her anything alse will just lead to more emotional torture.

Fake it until you make it....smile and wish her the best, and show her how confident you are in moving on with out her.

She will suck the life right out of you if you let her. All the while justifing her actions one way or another.

What I'm saying is you to can move on and have a life.

Its been my experience that once an old lady sees you moving on with out her they start to second guess..it a phucking power game..

I mean heaven for bid she gets to move on and do what she wants but man if you do the same well hell your an @ss hole.

Besides the dog smelled the other man on her...just let her go!!!!!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

LovemyJu said:


> You're probably right, I just really don't want to go the lawyer route yet. But I suppose it's inevitable.


I bet if your dog had thumbs, he would be going thru the yellow pages right now looking for a lawyer.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Already started that process. I've got a friend who is a lawyer and he is getting me some stuff from his family law buddies.


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## grainofsalt (Oct 6, 2013)

Good. Remember, she is now not your friend.

I know it's hard, because you still love her, but you will have to accept her true colours now, as she has shown them to you. You have seen the truth.

At this point it doesn't matter what happened, or whom did what. The only important thing to remember is to look out for yourself, and to distance yourself from her.

If there is ever going to be a time to grow big balls, now will be the time. You'll have to set your emotions aside, and run like a machine.

She no longer respects you, or your things. She would rather end up homeless, than even hugging or touching you ever again.

This is my experience, and boy was I surprised also just how fast they can change into someone that you didn't even realize existed.

Drop her, and all of her problems, like a hot potato. Let her become someone else's problem.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

the guy said:


> Who were the friends? Were they guys?
> 
> I still think some POS guy is messing with her head and infecting the marriage.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the advice. I'm still completely certain there isn't another guy. There is absolutely zero doubt about that in my mind. I'm going to leave her alone and just see what happens. She left weird things behind like her favourite books and the her old dogs ashes. I'm not sure if she did that as a way to somehow hurt me more, as a sign she isn't ready to completely give up or because she is suffering a mental breakdown. I'm actually not feeling as horrible as I thought I would. I think I'm mostly just relieved her stuff is out so she doesn't have a reason to come over anymore.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

grainofsalt said:


> Good. Remember, she is now not your friend.
> 
> I know it's hard, because you still love her, but you will have to accept her true colours now, as she has shown them to you. You have seen the truth.
> 
> ...


Easier said than done. I'm still not ready to give up hope but I know I have to move on with my life. Thanks.


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## grainofsalt (Oct 6, 2013)

LovemyJu said:


> Easier said than done. I'm still not ready to give up hope but I know I have to move on with my life. Thanks.


Yes, but I hope to save you some misery.

My wife walked out six months ago. I did everything wrong, and I did everything right. What you do doesn't matter any more to her.

I was served with divorce docs two months ago.

And I live North of the 49th also...


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

Going back on the webcams. Was that ever properly addressed? ie did you stop, go to counseling, focus more on the marriage? Sounds like she holds some resentment there.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

No it wasn't properly addressed. We talked about it for a few days, I had already stopped and didn't do it again but we never properly dealt with it. We pretty much just pretended that never happen, which clearly was the wrong move. I suggested counselling recently but she wasn't interested in that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She might have left things so that she has an excuse to come back when you are not there... you know to take the things that you did not let her take.

Is the house still trashed? You have the photos. What would have helped after that first time she came was for you to call the police. If she trashed the house, you could have probably gotten a restraining order. This would prevent her from having unsupervised access to the house.

She might be a legal owner of the home, but she’s moved. Ask your attorney how you go about establishing the house as your sole residence. Then change the locks again.

In the future, when/if she comes over, have at least one friend over as a buffer. Or call the police and they will send someone to protect you from her.

At this point I would not answer her questions either. Her behavior is way off. There is something going on that you are not aware of. Until she comes down to earth, stops the odd behavior and explains herself to her, as apologizes for her actions, there is no recovery possible. You cannot trust her with any info you give her.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Se might have left them so she would have an excuse to come back. Who knows, she probably doesnt even know. She hasnt been going into work, which s probably for the best since she really seems to be loosing it. Thanks for the advice. I've clean up most of what she left after trashing the house on the weekend. We have a monitored alarm system and I've changed the code and taken her off the list of people who can shut off the alarm so hopefully that deters her. I've asked her not to try and get into the house without talking to me, but who knows if that means anything to her. My mom came over last night before her and her little group did so I wasn't alone. I sent her an email last night where I told her not to come back and that will be the final time I try and communicate with her for awhile. She really can't be trusted with anything. Her only goal right now seems to be to destroy my life. she really is a stranger, I never would have thought this could ever be possible.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Talked to a lawyer today. She advised me not to move any of our savings into our joint account after she spent $1500 in a week. I wasn't going to do it but it was nice to hear her say that.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Well, after a crazy few days last week things have gotten extremely quiet. She seems to have dropped off the face of the earth! She isn't going to work, hasn't used her phone, isn't using Facebook (which she was on almost 24/7 before). I still haven't heard anything from her. This is almost more bizarre than what she was doing before. I guess I'll just keep waiting to find out what she does next. Weird.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

It's now been 1 month since she left. It's also her birthday this week, which makes things even more difficult. I still haven't heard anything from her since she left. I didn't communicate with her at all for the last 10 days, and even if I had tried to send her an email or something she wouldn't have written back. I have no idea where she is staying or what she does all day. She hasn't been to work in a month. I also found out that she was very recently prescribed an antipsychotic medication that is used primarily to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Of course I have no actual idea what is going on with her since she still won't speak to me. I've come across several examples of other people who have been in a relationship with somebody who suffers from bipolar disorder and her behaviour sounds quite similar and she has a strong family history of bipolar. She was previously taking medication for ADHD, depression and anxiety but this antipsychotic is new. I really have no idea what to do. I'm very worried that her friends and family aren't providing her with the support she needs. They are the kind of people whom I doubt very much would try and get her the help she needs and instead just fuel her insanity while pretending everything is fine. I'm far from perfect and I'm sure that the online stuff I was doing (porn, webcams, inappropriate emails, etc...) played a part in setting her off on her current manic state. What I don't understand is that we talked about this awhile ago and then suddenly several months later she takes off and appears to never want to see or speak to me again. I know we didn’t properly deal with it, and I guess things just kept building up inside her until she exploded.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Mine quit taking her medication which lead to her meltdown. The medication that yours was taking may not have been working as effectively anymore or she quit taking it also which may be why now she has a new medication. 

If she isn't working, has she been accessing money out of your accounts? You have stated I think that she can have spending problems at times. As long as the two of your are married you are on the hook for debt etc as you know. 

You might want to consider at least having a lawyer file for a legal separation in order to protect yourself financially. It would also cause her to surface, come out of hiding at least to receive court papers. If they cant find her the court would sign for her. 

It sounds like she has some other issues going on but right now she doesn't want your help, she isn't coming home and she can put you in a real pickle from a financial aspect. You have a desire to try and help her, at least find out if she is safe or what is going on. You question her support staff right now, maybe getting legal paperwork would give her a wake up call or at least maybe protect yourself.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Thanks for the reply. Was you ex bipolar? Mine wasn't on medication for bipolar before, just ADHD depression and anxiety. My best guess is she has always had it but it never really surfaced or got out of control until this last little while when it blew up and her doctor recognized that and got her on some medication to treat it. So, at least she went to see somebody and got started on the medication. She is still on her ADHD, depression and anxiety medication as well. She takes more pills than my 90 year old grandmother! Who knows if she is taking them though. She still has a job, she is just on some sort of leave right now. So, she is still getting paid. We get paid once a month and she withdrew her paycheck minus the student loan payments (which came out automatically) from our joint account, which ended up being only about $1500. I'm paying all the bills related to the house, cell phones, insurance, etc.. On my own now. Her mother has a ton of money, which she refused to use on my wifes education, our wedding or our first house, but I'm sure she was first in line to help out when it came to destroying something (do I sound a little angry there...oops!). I'll look into the legal seperation thing. That is just the total opposite direction I want to go. But, you are right. I've got to look out for myself now. Thanks.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Mental illness requires a lifetime of sacrifice.

Ask yourself, do you want to have children with someone who may be hspitalized, leaving you to take care of your children on your own?

In your next marriage, you'll skip the online sex. Live webcams are cheating. Emails to webcam prostitutes cinstitutes cheating also


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

I never truly new the exact diagnosis of my stbxw. 7-8 years ago, she was constantly mad, screaming all the time. Just mad at the world. She lost several jobs during that time, finally convinced her to see a doctor and they put her on meds. Her mood instantly changed for the better, back to the person I knew. I never pushed for answers, it was working, I didn't want rock the boat I guess.

Mine never got violent and destroyed the house, she just yelled and held onto anger all the time. Mine one day decided she didn't need her meds, she was fine without them and within a very short period of time the wheels came off, She also hit menopause when she came to the grand decision. So I had an added dimension to my fiasco. 

IF they just quit taking meds without weaning themselves off of them it can have a dramatic effect on their behavior. You want to help your wife, you want to reconcile and work things out. She doesn't right now. She may be trying to find herself right now, she may be living the wild party life and running from reality. 

If you believe her mental state is in question, it makes it much harder on your end since you want to think rationally, she isn't. You want to help, she might be interpreting that as controlling her. Yours has displayed violent tendencies, trashing house. Does she still have keys to the house, you might want to consider changing the locks yet again. It wouldn't be unusual to have no contact at all for a period of time, then boom you come home and she has left you a surprise. Also if she does come home and cant get in, at least it may force her to contact you. 

I don't want to give the illusion of driving her away, understand that, but till she shows the slightest inclination of wanting to work things out with you right now and if she has mental issues, she is such a wildcard right now you cant predict anything so better to protect yourself as hard as it may be.


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## LovemyJu (Oct 16, 2013)

Micfjhael said:


> repay the items that she took that weren't hers. I would not give her a key, either.


I'm not really concerned about the money, it was more the significance of the things she took. I wouldn't even know what their value was. She has a key, I could change the locks again but I'm not too worried about that. I'm hoping that now that she is on some medication she will start getting herself back together, though that will take time. From what I've read it can take weeks for people to crash out of the manic stage, even with the help of medication. Its not like Im expecting her to wake up one morning and everything will be perfect. At this point I'd just be happy if we could settle things without it getting so ugly.


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