# Help Need Advice



## Debbgem

Married 12 years really love my husband but he is destroying me. It doesn't happen all the time but he calls me names and blames me for everything. We split up a few times and I started to feel better and happy but he don't believe in divorce and I feel as if God brought us together for a reason. BUT.....now I am starting to believe him coming back into my life was a ploy by satan to destroy me.....It is written the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy. And I believe thats all he does for me. He taught my adult children to call me names by his actions I get no respect from no one. He calls me a fat ***** and says I am crazy when I truly believe he is narcissistic. I need advice what should I do


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## FormerSelf

You ought to weigh all your options...and what sort of leverage you have. If you decide to leave, can you take care of yourself? Do you have family to move in with? Financially can you support yourself?
Figure all this stuff out...worst case scenario...cos if you can't face the hard stuff...then i don't expect that anything written on this forum will help you.
If you don't want to leave...but you don't want to be treated like that anymore...then don't allow him to treat you like that anymore!! Confront him...stop being afraid of bully tactics. Don't let them treat you with lesser value, but if you think you have low value, you will act with low value...and people will think it is okay to talk to you like that. Find your voice (not nagging, whining, mumbling, weak communications) but your power voice. "Hey, it is not appropriate to talk to me that way. Don't speak to me that way" Don't wait until you blow up..each and everytime they cross your boundary, you calmly remind them...but if they don't care...then you need to go to phase two...and that is by removing yourself out of the situation..either separate for a while (like move out) or do your own thing (make your own meals, sleep in another room, go out with your friends...basically quit wife/mom duties...tell 'em to make their own damn thanksgiving turkey...you are going to volunteer at the homeless shelter! Some spouses like to play hardball so if you decide to go on strike and he chooses to kick you out to one-up you then you ought to have a plan of action for that too. And i hate the phrase "Pick your battles" That's an excuse to let people walk on you...no..not cool. Read BOUNDARIES FOR MARRIAGE...it will change your whole world.


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## Debbgem

Thank you gonna ask him to try this workbook with me if not maybe he needs to see what it is like to live alone for awhile.


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