# Dr. Joy Browne



## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

Dr. Browne believes in "one-year rule", which states that people who have lost a spouse or partner due to break-up, death or divorce should wait at a minimum one year before resuming romantic relationships. 

what do you think?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I think Dr.Brown should deal with loss the way she`s most comfortable and let others do the same.

There is no magic number as to how much time to wait.

I can tell you that if my wife and I were to split there`s no way in hell I`m going to be alone for a year.

Not happening.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Take the year and then think about your individual situation. Who did the breaking up - you or the other person? Had you checked out of the relationship already when it happened, or did it come out of the blue? How long was the relationship?

You can't set a blanket rule like that because every person and relationship is so different. When I split with my first husband, I did the breaking up and I had checked out years earlier. I was ready before I would have been if I had thought everything was perfect and he up and left me with no warning.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Do I get credit for the several years prior to breakup of abandonment, lack of intimacy, sex and communication?


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Lon said:


> Do I get credit for the several years prior to breakup of abandonment, lack of intimacy, sex and communication?


Yeah, when they leave do we get to include that time? LOL 
Honestly I think if I dated at first it would be just for companionship and practice. I would be VERY worried about a relationship being a rebound relationship if it became serious quickly....

Not only that but I can't imagine not having physical touch that long... it's been a long time and I am afraid if I go a year... I may go to the other side and never want it. 

I have had friends tell me get to know myself first before dating (if the marriage is over)... but they have a man to go home to and if they need them to hold them through the night. I don't. It's easier said than done. Besides I have been learning and knowing myself for years... I have learned a lot about myself these passed months and if my H doesn't want me ... time will tell.... I will be good (maybe better) for someone else.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

He's already been gone over a year. He's starting the process. I have no desire to ever have my heart broken again. I can't see myself even interested for another year. I loved him for 22 years....I don't see myself ever loving again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

justwhy said:


> Dr. Browne believes in "one-year rule", which states that people who have lost a spouse or partner due to break-up, death or divorce should wait at a minimum one year before resuming romantic relationships.
> 
> what do you think?


When it comes to breakup/divorce, I think its rubbish. Totally depends on the individual; I'm not waiting a year. Same with death too I guess...although in that circumstance if it was a true loving 'till death do we part' relationship, I can see that taking some time to get over...if ever.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

I am sure I will need at least a year, after 28 married. I still have so much to understand about myself and how I am in relationships. And to acknowledge what I accepted from my partner. I think what I found so attractive at 25 is not what I know I need now. And until I get all that behind me, there is no way I would trust my decisions. Doesn't mean I might not say yes to a date or two in the first year, just that there is no place for making decisions


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I had a traumatic breakup 10 years ago...I couldn't date for about 2 years which was when I worked on myself and really got real.

But yea, the breakup was sadly mutual...for things out of our control. It was probably the worst time of my life before my husband left this summer. THAT was the worst I've ever been.

I wouldn't have been able to date for a long time as well.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

It's hard to make a blanket statement but IMO people jump back into dating way too soon after a break up, even after they've come out of a bad relationship. Many times they are all eager to jump right back into another bad situation.

More often than not, people don't give themselves a chance to heal and discover who they are as individuals. They are all eager to become part of a couple again, often with very bad results. If you have kids, it makes things even worse. 

So as broad advice I tend to agree with this but I do think it depends on the individual situation.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

madaboutlove said:


> I am sure I will need at least a year, after 28 married. I still have so much to understand about myself and how I am in relationships. And to acknowledge what I accepted from my partner. I think what I found so attractive at 25 is not what I know I need now. And until I get all that behind me, there is no way I would trust my decisions. Doesn't mean I might not say yes to a date or two in the first year, just that there is no place for making decisions


I understand the first year and no decisions... sometimes there's just not enough time to think and decisions can wait. I hope you get out there and just gain confidence back and enjoy good conversation/food.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Mamatomany said:


> I understand the first year and no decisions... sometimes there's just not enough time to think and decisions can wait. I hope you get out there and just gain confidence back and enjoy good conversation/food.


You are so upbeat and seem strong. I hear it in your replies. I wish i had more strength....my hearts breaking me apart.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

sadwithouthim said:


> You are so upbeat and seem strong. I hear it in your replies. I wish i had more strength....my hearts breaking me apart.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


@ Sad, I _try_ to be upbeat, but I have my moments (lots of them daily but happily I can say there fewer low moments as the days go on). My kids hate seeing me down and I really have been working on me. I have a lot to offer someone who wants me. Thanks though it's nice that someone thinks I am upbeat  

Just a little bit ago, I had to ask him to help drive my kids to their evening practice and he wanted to see if they could just come out and he wouldn't have to come in. I just had surgery (can't drive and hurts to walk etc...). Yeah, I will try to have them ready but he wants to avoid me that much! It's painful. Maybe he thinks it's a trick to see him - totally not - it was THE LAST thing I wanted today! I just totally didn't know that my normal helpers were all busy tonight (imagine that!). I pay a lot for the kids to go to practice... I really thought about driving them myself except then I would be putting them at risk or have to not take my meds (either way not safe). Dang. I have gotten to the point where I hate to rely on him for anything. 

I just know that if he doesn't want me... I am not going to be alone I deserve to be happy and like companionship. I like people.


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

i'm seeing that for myself too Mama, he doesn't want me. so why would i want him? it helps me move forward and not look back! as for the one year, i agree, it varies. but never jump into something when you're still dealing with hurt and anger imo.


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