# She wants to see them on my week



## WTSM (Aug 27, 2011)

This is our first day of separation and we have scheduled "my week - her week." She is going to stay with her mom while she decides if she wants to return to the marriage (which my attorney says will be a case for desertion). On my week she wants to pick up my son (10) from school while I coach my daughter's (13) middle school team. Then she wants to come and switch kids while I take my son to practice; bring my daughter to our house and wait for me to get out of practice with my son. 

On her week she would pick up my son from school take him to her moms, bring him to me and take my daughter to my her moms house and then return and get my son. When is my week - my week? She can come into our house and wait for kids or get them ready for bed, but I can't go to her mom's house and do the same. 

I asked her to respect the fact that my week is my week. Am I wrong to want her to butt out and let me handle my week the way that I want to. Even if that means the kids sitting in a gym doing homework while they wait for practice (which is what we did for months especially when she went out of town on business). It's like she wants the best of both worlds. Separation from me - and maximum access to the kids. I don't want to take a hard line while there might be a chance of her returning, but I also told her that there is a strong possibility that she will not return.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

WTSM said:


> This is our first day of separation and we have scheduled "my week - her week." She is going to stay with her mom while she decides if she wants to return to the marriage (which my attorney says will be a case for desertion). On my week she wants to pick up my son (10) from school while I coach my daughter's (13) middle school team. Then she wants to come and switch kids while I take my son to practice; bring my daughter to our house and wait for me to get out of practice with my son.
> 
> On her week she would pick up my son from school take him to her moms, bring him to me and take my daughter to my her moms house and then return and get my son. When is my week - my week? She can come into our house and wait for kids or get them ready for bed, but I can't go to her mom's house and do the same.
> 
> I asked her to respect the fact that my week is my week. Am I wrong to want her to butt out and let me handle my week the way that I want to. Even if that means the kids sitting in a gym doing homework while they wait for practice (which is what we did for months especially when she went out of town on business). It's like she wants the best of both worlds. Separation from me - and maximum access to the kids. I don't want to take a hard line while there might be a chance of her returning, but I also told her that there is a strong possibility that she will not return.


I would tell her you've got it covered and she can leave it alone. It would annoy me too - like get out of my face!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maxter (May 24, 2011)

I feel for you. We have a similar issue. We can't agree on custody because W wants the kids 99% time because she thinks she's unable to physically or emotionally be apart from them. It's all perception because she's away from them all day, 9hrs, at work and then a few evenings each week for other reasons. Many times over the past nine years with my kids, I've felt like Mr. Mom, doing everything that a mother does to maintain the household and take care of the kids because of her crazy work hours, gym membership and other activities. But she doesn't acknowledge that fact.

Sounds like you were at least able to take your kids with you without a court order. I can't do that even though it's legally OK. If I did that we would be at war and I can't let that happen to my kids. I'm stuck in the same house with my WW until we reach an agreement or I can't take it anymore and just file for the custody arrangement I want.

Each situation is different. In my situation, my week and her week will involve interaction with the other parent just by the nature of our daily schedules (school, work, activities, etc). I don't mind that as long as our time is shared and fairly equal. If it's that critical that your kids have NO contact with her for any reason, not for one minute during your week, then do as golfergirl suggested. Otherwise you need to be open to some cross-over parenting during each of 'your' weeks.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

It is an adjustment period and there are a lot of feelings of resentment and frustration. Remember though that any time your children get to spend with either one of their parents is good for them, you should consider offering each other the right of first refusal so that 1) your chilren don't lose out, 2) you both benefit by not having to depend on hiring sitters, or finding responsible people to take care of them.

Also weighing on your mind is the idea that any time they are with the other means that it may be setting a precedent for the future and whatever access you have now may be about to be stripped...

In my case the challenge has been the opposite problem... I felt I was the one always being tied to the house with our child and no money as my W was out socializing all the time. Since the separation I have struggled to stick to my guns and not accept my child on her scheduled days with him... it is very frustrating that she is so busy with her own social life that she needs to always have someone to babysit, but I need some time to fix myself too and I have had a hard time when my son is with me because he gets 100% of my attention 100% of the time. Plus she is always broke since she is paying for babysitting all the time and giving me her woe-is-me, I'm-so-broke sob story... tough (but why should my son have to lose out because of her irresponsible decisions?).

This weekend for the first time I asked her if she would want to take him on Sunday (otherwise I was getting a babysitter) and she quickly agreed, then asked me to take him the following day (stat holiday, so she could attend a party), so I agreed because I love spending time with him, it was sort of a win/win but mostly I was just glad I could get a chance to do something for me, even if it meant having to settle for giving in to her selfish needs too.


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