# 5 weeks into a separation that was his decision



## broken1976 (Apr 20, 2014)

My husband of almost 10 years informed me 4 weeks ago that he is done with our marriage. He said he can not do it anymore. We have 3 children ( 2 are from my 1st marriage but my current husband has been and by every means possible, is their father). I have a lot of insecurities...always have. My first marriage was 8 years of pure hell. Physical, verbal and emotional abuse. I finally reached the end of my rope with it and gained enough strength to ask him for a divorce. I met my current husband not long after. I pushed all of the anger, hurt and resentment from my first marriage down deep inside as far as I could and stupidly thought i would get over it in time. Obviously, i did not. The trauma from that first marriage plagued my current marriage in ways i didnt even realize. I leaned on my current husband for everything, at times ( a lot of times) I was cold to him, emotionally and physically. I constantly accused him of cheating and questioned him about girl he spoke to. He finally is to the point where he can not take it any more. I am devastated...heartbroken and an emotional basketcase. He has informed me he is not in love with me any more and just informed me last night that our marriage is just a piece of damn paper. That hurt, to say the least. We are trying to maintain a "family unit" for our children and for the past 4 weeks have gotten along better than we ever have...our motto has become "Be Real". Not matter if you need to say something hurtful to the other person, just talk or even in every day life. I still have hope for us...he told me recently that he has none. I started seeing a therapist to deal with the trauma of my first marriage, I know I should have done it years ago...and wish I would have...now I feel like it is too little too late. But i now know I have to process my own issues in order to have any chance at a normal life,with or without him, so that is what I am doing. I have been diagnosed with PTSD because of the abuse i suffered and Panic Disorder because the panic attacks if have had for 20 years have gotten so much worse and affect my daily life. I have been placed on medications. I just can't stop hurting. I don't know what to do. I just want to stop hurting every day. We still have daily contact but it just hurts. I still want him as my husband but he has made it clear that is not the place he is at at anymore...and may never be again. I am just so alone, scared for my future and emotional. To top it all off, 2 weeks after all of this happend, he moved out, then one night i went to work and lost my job. So now we are separated but I still have to financially depend on him. Which he has assured me that he will do 100%. I worked nights for the past 5 years to support our family so he could go to college and look for employment. He says he has NO intentions of EVER leaving the kids and I high and dry. I have to take him at his word. He knows I want to go to college...that was alwasy the plan...and he says he will be there for me for whatever i need. I just hurt. I am pissed off. I am stuck in my head with all of these emotions and dont know what to do.


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## Heidi2005 (Oct 27, 2013)

I'm sorry you are here... Hurt takes time to work through. There isn't an easy rememdy to "fix it". You just have to go through it. Each month that seem to pass, it will get a little easier and then you realize each day is getting a bit easier to process the hurt. Get a journal and start writing, exercise until you are tired, and keep yourself busy! All things I've learned from other TAM members..

As for your husband, give him some space and time. Work on yourself. Possibly, he could have a change of heart later. However, by working on yourself, if he doesn't have a change of heart-you will be in a much better place to live without him. 

Hang in there!


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## broken1976 (Apr 20, 2014)

I am hanging in best I can. He asked me point blank last week what I need from him...I said I need you to come home...his response was "That's not going to happen"...I am devastated...I am trying to take it day by day but we still have daily contact because of the kids...he stops by after work most nights...i get panicky when he does...its just so hard right now...


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

Regardless of the outcome, it will be hard for awhile. But do the best you can and allow yourself to have whatever feelings crop up. Keep working on yourself and make that your number one priority. Whether he stays or goes, you will benefit from that. 

Hang in there.


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