# I need your insight



## derailed (Aug 1, 2013)

First of all, I hope that you will not judge me. I am having an affair after being in a 36 year marraige where my husband has constantly lied and been unfaithful to me. Having said that, I have considered leaving my husband for this man that I am in love with. The problem is I have no doubt that he could be faithful to me, but, I have a problem with him going to lunch with other women. He has lots of women friends, and especially, one whom he will "drop everything" if she comes around. After he has been around her he is usually critical of me, which, makes me suspect that she is giving him her insights about me. Yesterday he went to lunch with her for 2 hours and now he is telling me HE WANTS OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP UNLESS I WILL LEAVE THE MARRAIGE NOW. The problem is I have a 24 year old with Aspergers living at home and I don't want to upset him so I am trying to take it slowly and gradually. Well, i guess he has decided it's too slow for him. I also feel like if I left that my son would be more motivated to leave and get a life as I have made it too comfortable for him there. This man is the only thing that makes me feel alive . . .


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## noas55 (Jun 25, 2013)

Why would you go from one bad relationship with a cheater to another. If your new guy isn't having sex with his "close friend", he is at least in an emotional affair with her. This is not good. If he has several women that he meets with frequently, he is probably a chaser and I would have no doubts you would be unhappy with all the attention he will give them. You would never be #1 in his life. You would share that spot with others


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

This is going to be hard to respond to as someone that has been cheated on. I would be honest with your husband but keep in mind, right now you are in the "fog" of this relationship that in reality might not be what you really want in the long term. I know that is hard to hear but you really need to be honest with all involved b/c you are only hurting your husband and kids. This "alive" feeling is temporary and will fade and then what will you be left with?


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Forget judgement. It's time a sanity check...

Let me get this straight. You are being unfaithful to your husband with a guy who you are worried is going to be unfaithful to you.

Did I get that right?


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## LivingAgain (Jun 12, 2013)

Pbartender said:


> Forget judgement. It's time a sanity check...
> 
> Let me get this straight. You are being unfaithful to your husband with a guy who you are worried is going to be unfaithful to you.
> 
> Did I get that right?


:scratchhead: My thoughts exactly...


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Pbartender said:


> Forget judgement. It's time a sanity check...
> 
> Let me get this straight. You are being unfaithful to your husband with a guy who you are worried is going to be unfaithful to you.
> 
> Did I get that right?


The second guy is going to be unfaithful. Going from the frying pan into the fire....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

If he cheats with you he will cheat on you

Being an accomplice in an affair is cheating - he knows you are married. So his moral compass is off. Don't expect him to remain faithful. 

Justify your actions all you want - you could have divorced your husband for his betrayals before engaging in your own. You should tell your husband about your affair and let him decide the fate of the marriage.


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## somethingnewmaybe (May 12, 2013)

vi_bride04 said:


> If he cheats with you he will cheat on you
> 
> Being an accomplice in an affair is cheating - he knows you are married. So his moral compass is off. Don't expect him to remain faithful.
> 
> Justify your actions all you want - you could have divorced your husband for his betrayals before engaging in your own. You should tell your husband about your affair and let him decide the fate of the marriage.


Agreed 100%


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He's not a man of character if he's "in love" and "dating" a married woman. Well, maybe he is, who am I to say--- I don't know what you've told him about your marriage or mate.

However, this 'friends' would be alarming. Perhaps you love him because he is somewhat unavailable and you want to "win" his affection or whatever.

You've been married for 36 years and haven't told your husband good bye or even left him. Why is that? Are you wanting to just wait and see what happens with this other man?

Choose you. Be alone for a while. Make better choices.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Your new man is calling the shots in the cheating relationship. He has other women in his life that he values more than you. Tell your husband what you are doing, so that he can act accordingly. You are in a big fog about this new man in your life. You will regret your affair partner for cheating on you in the future. I do hope you find some happiness in your life.


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