# No Communication



## lincoln76 (Jun 28, 2017)

I am on the fence with whether to divorce my wife or not. 

We've only been married a few years. About 9 months ago I learned she had slept with another guy; I left for a few days and came back home with plans to try a save the marriage. I mentally gave myself one year to see how things transpired (i.e. was the marriage able to be saved or not). She suggested counseling and i was originally apprehensive, but agreed. She never once picked up the phone to schedule any counseling and ended up leaving it up to me (seemed odd as it was her idea and her mistake). We went to one session and i did not like the counselor, ended up liking the idea of counseling just thought we should get a different counselor. She refuses to return although she says she got something from it and liked the counselor, but because the counselor stated basically to get over it (part of the reason i didn't like him) she says "well I did what he said and I'm over it". I've told her that I am not however and she says then I should go alone. I'm shocked that she thinks all is well after one session. 

In addition to the cheating, we have major communication issues. This was essentially the root cause of the cheating issue as she was feeling like a marriage from drifting apart (her words) yet never said a single word to me about it until after the cheating was uncovered. 

She simply never communicates with me and lives every day in a bad mood (literally 2 days do not go by without something pissing her off). When asked what is wrong it always turns into an argument as she says "nothing!" while rolling her eyes and in a very snarky tone. I am not perfect by any stretch, but know with confidence that I am a very outgoing & talkative person who try’s his best to reserve anger and bad moods for things that actually warrants it. It is very common (daily) to ask at the dinner table "how was your day?" and to receive a response of "fine!" with nothing else to follow while she just stares and the food on her plate without making eye contact. It creates continuous tension and uncomfortable silence, which bothers me to my core. I've brought it up with her on numerous occasions (like years now) and nothing ever changes.
My perception, right wrong or indifferent, is that she is juvenile & selfish and lacks the ability to communicate on a normal level as for whatever reason these are life skills that she never really picked up (reason unknown). 

She is the mother of my son and I do love her, but I am 100% confident that I do not want to spend my time on this earth with such a negative person and having to always walk on eggshells as you never know when she’s going to snap and get pissed.

She left the other night after a big fight we had cause I finally snapped and told her I was sick of being treated like garbage and having no communication (I cooked dinner and had exciting personal news that I looked forward to share with her, but she came through the door without saying a single word to me and when attempting to have basic conversation I received nothing but one word answers like “yup”, “sure” and “fine”). I respect her right to be in a bad mood, we all do it from time to time, but it is ever other day and it sucks the life right out of anyone in the room.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Negative people just suck you dry. Ugh


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Look....what you have here is the definition of insanity...doing the same thing over and over expecting a different results...i don't know how much clear she cane be with you....she doesn't give a s*!T about you or the marriage consider what she told us

1. she sleeps with someone has no remorse 
2. no heavy lifting to save the marriage
3. tells you to get over it 
4. no respect for you

one person can not carry a marriage, i think its time to come to the realization you tried but she is not open to it...move on stop trying to fix something you can't fix on your own...your just making yourself look sad in her eyes...give her the boot and let her taste what it is to be alone and trying to make it in the world by herself. Trust me someone out there will appreciate you.

give yourself some self-respect man.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your situation.

You can be a perfectly great dad to your kids while single or with 'someone' else.

From what you have put down, there is nothing worth saving in your current marriage and it seems like it would be best to move on.

Good luck.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

How's the sex? Are you two ever intimate? Do you like it? Trying to gauge if there is anything worth saving. If your sex life sucks like the rest of your marriage, then end it and go find someone who desires you.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Sounds like you should've divorced about 9 months ago.

But hey, it's not too late!

File tomorrow!


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## Stang197 (Aug 31, 2015)

Best to just divorce now. The longer you wait, the more alimony you will be on the hook for.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Just move on.... She is not willing to go to counseling or doing anything to make the marriage better. My spouse does the same thing-'fine' is his favorite answer. The negativity wears you down.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Divorcing her is about the strongest move you could make, and strength is something you need right now.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Whenever I see a picture of a group of women, or even in person, I gravitate to the ones with a smile on their face. Not the prettiest or best body. I want someone who likes to laugh all day, even during sex. Adults really do not change much so what you saw before you married is what you got. What happens is that romantic love, which blinds us to each other's faults, wears off in a year or two. Then you are left staring at your spouse, warts and all. At that point you need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with them. If so, then you begin a new kind of love. If not, you can choose to be miserable for the rest of your life or cut out the cancer in your life before it affects you more. I am married for almost 45 years. Good communication is vital to our marriage. We have easily sailed past my wife's bisexuality, my various girlfriends, wife swapping, and my wife sharing me with her best friend for 30 years of our marriage. There was never a problem or argument because we communicated well so that no one was hurt or upset. When you are living with two women you love, you must have good communication so that both feel equally loved and get their fair share of your attention. The same goes for bedroom activities too. Our girlfriend always asked my wife for permission if I asked her to do something with just me that we never did before despite my wife constantly telling her that anything goes. Believe me, if you think communication is important in a marriage, try doing that in a poly triad. We are one of a few that lasted as long as we did and we did not leave our girlfriend because any of us wanted that. Just fate rearing its ugly head and blocked our plans.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The women despises you. That is why she cheated on you.

That is why she continues to remain hostile.

She hates the life that she is living.

She wants you to pull the trigger on her. She wants you to file.

Rather than being thankful that you are trying to forgive her and trying to reconcile with her, she thinks you are weak and spineless.

She had lost respect for you prior to her cheating and she still feels the same way.

She is very uncomfortable that you now have the moral high ground. 

Expose her cheating to all the family and give her what she wants, what she deserves, what you deserve.

Give her a divorce.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

She has ZERO remorse over her affair, therefore you have ZERO chance of a real reconciliation and real marriage. Tell her she needs to find another place to live and file for divorce. Dont tolerate this any longer.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Dude, why bother? You have like nothing good to say about her. Even if you did, it is still a perfect divorce situation. File.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lincoln76 said:


> She left the other night after a big fight we had cause I finally snapped and told her I was sick of being treated like garbage and having no communication (I cooked dinner and had exciting personal news that I looked forward to share with her, but she came through the door without saying a single word to me and when attempting to have basic conversation I received nothing but one word answers like “yup”, “sure” and “fine”). I respect her right to be in a bad mood, we all do it from time to time, but it is ever other day and it sucks the life right out of anyone in the room.


This is not clear. When you say that she left the other night, do you mean that she left and has not come back?

If she has not come back, where is your child? Did she take your child with her?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

How can you be on the fence??

- she is an unrepentant adulteress.
- she has no remorse and wants you to simply live with it.
- she has no interest in fixing what is broken.
- she has no respect or interest in you.
-she isn't even nice to be around.
- she doesn't interact on a personal level with you.
- I'm assuming you have no sex life with her or if you do have sex, she is completely detached and just let's you masturbate with her body to shut you up.

You simply have nothing, and I do mean nothing, to work with her.

She is not marriage material and there is no marriage here. You are simply coparents and roommates that split rent and household chores here (she does pay some rent and does some household chores right?). If not, add that to the list above.

You have nothing to work with and the marriage has been over for some time (if it ever existed in the first place). 

All that's left now is getting the property and assets divided up fairly and getting the legal paperwork caught up at the courthouse to make it official. 

Counselors and therapists cannot help you. You need a lawyer for this.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Toxic wife, toxic life. Better your kid has one example of a healthy relationship, which you can have with someone else then a dead marriage.

Don't be this guy whose timely post shows were you may be headed.

Compare him to this guy, who do you think will have a happier more productive life. Whose kids do you think will be more emotionally healthy with the examples set by their fathers?


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

I'm sorry man. She is giving you signs she wants out. 

File for divorce and give her the walking papers. You either relieve her of the stress and make both of your world better or you will reality check her ass. Both of these are good things. 


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You'd better wake the hell up and take care of yourself. You have nothing to work with here.

A blind man could read these tea leaves.

If youre waiting on magic to fix this it not gonna happen


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