# He has to be more then a friend...



## iaschneider5 (Oct 5, 2019)

so I know I just posted this in my other long post but I just need to get more out because this is bothering me and im not sure if It should but its bringing up all the feelings I had before when I found out about the guy int he first place. 

Does it make sense man would drive an hour just to sit with someones kids while she went into the Dr if they were just friends? Maybe she saidI wouldn't do it or something. She said he offered after he found out... Then dinner and ice cream. 

What does his wife think about it. Does she know? Id love to ask her. Its bothering me that this man was sitting with my kids alone (yes at a dr office so not completely alone) but with someone they barely know. Maybe its just because this is the first time knowing about them being around another man friend or otherwise? 

Its bringing up the feelings I had when I found out she was texting him all day while at work and when I was out of room putting our kids to bed... maybe thats why Im so pissed off right now.


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

I doesn't make any sense, because, we both know, it doesn't make any sense.
Trust your gut, it's only right 99% of the time.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

I think maybe that one reason you are pissed off is this: 

You are starting to realize how blind, trusting and frankly, how dense you have been about everything. 

Yes he is more than a friend. He always has been, and she is bringing him around the kids and there is nothing you are able to do about it. 

NOW YOU ARE STARTING TO UNDERSTAND...


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

^^^

I agree.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

iaschneider5 said:


> Does it make sense man would drive an hour just to sit with someones kids while she went into the Dr if they were just friends? Maybe she said I wouldn't do it or something. She said he offered after he found out... Then dinner and ice cream.


Nope it doesn't make sense. I have plenty of friends in the world, male and female, and I don't usually drive an hour to sit with their kids while they go to the doctor's office. Think about it, @iaschneider5... would any of your buddy friends drive an hour to watch your kids while you went to see the doc? Would any of your wife's LADY friends drive an hour (each way, by the way!) to sit with the kids while she went to the doc? NO! Even if you were really good friends, you might...MAYBE agree to babysit but do it at the house--not sit there in the doc office then take 'em to dinner and ice cream. 

They are NOT "just friends." "Just friends" don't go to that extent. 

Now, you and your STBXW are divorcing, so there's not a lot you can do about who she sees or who your kids are exposed to (in the sense of dating). But what you CAN do is that ever single time she says something like "Can you watch the kids while I___?" just say yes. Okay yes you may need to hire a sitter yourself, but every single time, just say YES. That way you have as much control as possible over who the kids see, because you have the most TIME possible with the kids. 



> What does his wife think about it. Does she know? Id love to ask her. Its bothering me that this man was sitting with my kids alone (yes at a dr office so not completely alone) but with someone they barely know. Maybe its just because this is the first time knowing about them being around another man friend or otherwise?
> 
> Its bringing up the feelings I had when I found out she was texting him all day while at work and when I was out of room putting our kids to bed... maybe thats why Im so pissed off right now.


 @iaschneider5, would you feel this way if you found out that the cashier at the grocery store had her kids sit in the doctor's office with a 70yo man? Would you feel this way if your postman said he had a 70yo lady watch his kids while he went to the doc? Nope, because you are not in their life and they are not part of your life...you are detached. That is the goal here. Ask yourself, "What would I do if it was the bank teller who did this?" and gradually get to that place where you might shrug and think "That's weird" but just carry on like it's nothing. 

Okay?


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