# should I fight or back off



## mamifelger30 (Sep 16, 2013)

Heart Shattered My husband has put me through alot with his pathological lying and deal breakers. I finally left him and since then been t treated like I never meant anything. He tried to attempt to get me back but it was on his terms and not loving at all. And ever since I said you don't treat me this way I will not give in easily till you show me you love me because your actions have b said no. And trying to reason with him show him he's worthy enough to fight for I'm not giving up on our marriage he cites the opposite. He tells me I'm the cause of this marriage going to ****. I deserved everything he's done to me. And he's tried and tried and tired of arguing. That he no longer loves me and I'm having deep pain and agony accepting it. Because just two months ago or less he was saying no divorce and trying to flirt but I never gave in. He didn't say nothing about being back together changing how we can fix this marriage. I feel I have lost the opportunity for him to find interest in US. I'm ashamed of my feelings being that who wants a narssist man. But I wanted to show him your worthy and he has inny shown me I'm unworthy etc. I know there's always two sides but most of our fights was becauseof all his evilness and lies and I remained loyal faithful loving and now he tells me I don't love you anymore etc because we fight to much but even when I was perfect he still betrayed me. I've put up with so much n still live him and fight for us but he says I dint live you. I feel like dying I feel like I've deserved this that is all my n fault. Why I don't understand. Someone please talk to me
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## mtn.lioness (Oct 29, 2013)

You don't deserve to be treated like that. I understand the 'feel like dying' comment, but please don't take your life into your hands in such a way. This is going to hurt and its going to be hard. Getting over someone you vowed your life to isn't easy to move past. Allow yourself time and take things one day at a time... that is so hard. Trust me, I know. It sounds like he's yo-yoing your heart. He's being cruel to you, you do not deserve that.


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## mamifelger30 (Sep 16, 2013)

[Why Why do I feel it was all my fault that I deserve vthat. That maybe I emotionally did something. I feel b guiltyQUOTE=mtn.lioness;5446330]You don't deserve to be treated like that. I understand the 'feel like dying' comment, but please don't take your life into your hands in such a way. This is going to hurt and its going to be hard. Getting over someone you vowed your life to isn't easy to move past. Allow yourself time and take things one day at a time... that is so hard. Trust me, I know. It sounds like he's yo-yoing your heart. He's being cruel to you, you do not deserve that.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

mamifelger30 said:


> [Why Why do I feel it was all my fault that I deserve vthat. That maybe I emotionally did something. I feel b guiltyQUOTE=mtn.lioness;5446330]You don't deserve to be treated like that. I understand the 'feel like dying' comment, but please don't take your life into your hands in such a way. This is going to hurt and its going to be hard. Getting over someone you vowed your life to isn't easy to move past. Allow yourself time and take things one day at a time... that is so hard. Trust me, I know. It sounds like he's yo-yoing your heart. He's being cruel to you, you do not deserve that.


_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]

It's probably not your fault. I say probably, because obviously we'll never get the whole story from a post or two or even from a single person's perspective, but meh, it's unlikely.

Sometimes people don't work out even when both are trying. In your situation, it seems obvious that only one person even tried to make the marriage work, how then can it be your fault?

Naah, he wanted to leave.


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## Ginevra (Nov 11, 2013)

I agree with caladan. I'm coming from a place of very similar experience, going through it right now. Not the first time with my husband, either. I think your husband sounds very hurt and this is the immature male's way of reacting. It's almost like it's the same for every one of them. He IS being cruel, and it's not because you are bad or unworthy. It's not even because he is those things... it's because he is probably immature and can't/doesn't know how to handle this the right way. Doesn't mean you don't love him; I'm sure you do. I love my immature, abusive STBX. But his inability to act right is probably not worth it in the long run. I'm really sorry. Love should probably not hurt this bad.


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## mamifelger30 (Sep 16, 2013)

If he wanted to leave why was he talking about the future about having to concentrate on our marriage. Taking me away from my family so we can concentrate on us. And was nervous everytime I got on cpu then day after when I found our gfs made every excuse in book which where bogus. He kept v fighting saying no divorce no divorce I said yes if he can't change. Yes I was emotionally mentally going crazy because he did so many things that bun just don't do. But somehow he says that what made him do it. But when he does it to me it's ok. A much.**** he He has done I haven't done him dirty. So I.can not conceive how he could say it's all your fault I don't love you anymore. I remember when we first started dating the honey moon stage he still cheated.n did me dirty I left him. And somehow after three months he got me back. I never got over it really and he was so much of flirt didn't help much either. He's in denial about most things veer y arrogant ****y I Am honest with him and I told him I.have flaws to. Now that I want to fight he says I'm.not sure what the he'll. I feel depressed n overwhelmed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Sorry to hear your going through this. He is emotionally and verbally abusive. Do not accept that. It takes two people to make it work and trying hard too. I can't see him ever changing. You need to leave and set up an apartment. Repair yourself and be happy again. Live life and get out there. You must leave though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

mamifelger30 said:


> If he wanted to leave why was he talking about the future about having to concentrate on our marriage. Taking me away from my family so we can concentrate on us. And was nervous everytime I got on cpu then day after when I found our gfs made every excuse in book which where bogus. He kept v fighting saying no divorce no divorce I said yes if he can't change. Yes I was emotionally mentally going crazy because he did so many things that bun just don't do. But somehow he says that what made him do it. But when he does it to me it's ok. A much.**** he He has done I haven't done him dirty. So I.can not conceive how he could say it's all your fault I don't love you anymore. I remember when we first started dating the honey moon stage he still cheated.n did me dirty I left him. And somehow after three months he got me back. I never got over it really and he was so much of flirt didn't help much either. He's in denial about most things veer y arrogant ****y I Am honest with him and I told him I.have flaws to. Now that I want to fight he says I'm.not sure what the he'll. I feel depressed n overwhelmed
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why does he keep fighting? Because it keeps the guilt away. Because he wants to be able to say you were the one who wanted divorce and that he never wanted it.

His actions however indicate otherwise.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Read this book; you'll figure it out. You'll realize it was never about you, other than your tendency to pick someone who treats you badly:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men: Lundy Bancroft: 9780425191651: Amazon.com: Books


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