# Marine spuse in need of help!



## Sweetdezi22 (Oct 15, 2009)

I am new t this thing and cant afford counseling or other help. so here this goes. 

I am a Marine spouse who has endored many obsticles in my years with my husband. I have managed to over come two deployments to a man who was the one i changed everything in my life for. I was a person to never ever wanted to be married, let alone be a mother until him. I have been the best wife i can possibly be. Supporting him.....waiting faithfuly before, during and after his two tours overseas. The stressful and straining being a spouse of the military and being a single parent mose of the time while hes away. 

My husband will never admit it but he's an alcholic...before we decided to have a child this man that i loved so much can clear away bottels of wildturkey. Never laid a hand on me, nor verbaly abusive. We were younger, we were enjoying life and everything then the talk of children came up...he asked me what i thought about it.....for him i would...i would give up my body i finally loved and was happy with for the life of another. We had the discussion of giving up our fun and no worries of a social life the parting and everything, if we were ready to take this next step to parenthood.....and we were ready....atleast he said he was. It took us 2years to get pregnant, and shortly after our move to another base in CA we found out the exciting news and then the fun began. Shorlty after we had our son he had to leave for 3 months.....and so i was bymyself across the country away from any help from family in a new areas and base with no friends or help....i have a c-section and it wasnt even 3weeks later he had to leave for Maryland for 3months....two moonths that taht started the change of our marriage. While i was recovering from the csection which was on the verge of being infected i was taking care of our beautiful son who was 24/7 colic, and i was in school (transfered to my universitys onlince classroom) all he did was go to the bars everynight, get drunk the whole time he was there he went out with his younger brother to a party that he only "took home" a chick. Then my son and i flew home for th\e first time so that my husband and my family could meet their first grandchild.....i was only there for two weeks and a week into the visit my husband was stabbed in the leg and almost lost his leg letalone almost his life due to the loss of blood. During the time i was trying to find out where my husband was at if hes still alive, if he was going to keep his leg i was being told about "the girl he took back to her place" and the suposably making out with girls in the bars. All of this at the same time!!! my husband lived thank god, however he said that all he did was take her home and that he didnt make out with anyone. On top of it the day before my flight home (back to CA, where we were stationed at) i recieved a phone call my home was broken into, my car was stollen, baby stuff was stollen, money, jewlery EVERYTHING....and i was by myself with a newborn and my husband wasnt able to come and help deal with everything....and on top of his when i was cleaning the mess up i fould that they were smoking METH in my home i found the meth pipe!!!!!! 
Anyways our lease was up and all our money and creditcard were stollen and we had nothing! Now, no home a rocky marriage and we were having such a hard time trying to get a home on base CRAZY!!! Anyways time went on lies kept going the who 9 yards.....then he decieds to leave the military career life in within 8months we pack up and move back to WV no jobs, to home, no insurence nothing but us. We stayed with his family and i found a job he found a job however making nothing and struggling more than ever in our life..all he wants to do is go out every weekend all weekend long, stay out till 4-5am and i have to go to work by 8am....and hes to watch my son....i cant telly ou how many times ive had to call off work bc i could wake him up with out fear of him not watchin our child.....i work days and he works from 4pm to midnight or 3am. and come weekends he wants nothing to do with me, or anything....well about 3 months ago my husband was passed out and his phone goes off and its a text message from "Her" and it all get revieled! I woke him up and told me the truth...told me he sletp with her twice......that it was a mistake blah blah blah....since then he hasnt drank a drop of alcohole, is trying to be suportive of my feelings and how i feel, i still love him however im beyond depressed, perinoid, basically feeling like im waiting for him to disapoint me once again....its been three months and i feel like if i want to stay with him i need to try to figure out me and get control over my feelings.....i get so mad at him for the slightest thing and it just keeps me angry at him even if its nothing major it could be like he didn't clean up the toys after our sone went for a nap, or make the bed after morning scheduale and i dont know how to not be angry at him.....help! I want to take the step and work on us but i dont know how to i need help and im not sure on how to help how i feel ........


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## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

I was the wife of a Marine for 5 long years. I had one baby while my husband was deployed and was hospitalized for almost 2 weeks afterwards with an infection and had to deal with all of it by myself. I know what it's like to be all alone and not have anyone else to help. 

I also know that, even to this day, if I found out that he had cheated on me while overseas (which I have no doubt your husband has), that I would be looking into divorce. I let my husband know that I have never believed in that "it never happened if it wasn't in this country" BS and he better remember it. Now obviously, I'm a member of this website and am looking in this topic because I have a less than perfect marriage, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

Your husband has cared for no one but himself for way too long now. Don't fool yourself. He was cheating on you in the military when he went to those bars and got hammered with his buddies and he has slept with this woman you found out about on his cell phone more than "couple" of times that he claims.

I understand that you love your husband, but you have more than just him to think about now, you have that baby who needs you and loves you more than anything else in the world right now and YOU deserve, and can get, better.


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## Calypso (May 11, 2009)

If its only been 3 months I see why the anger is still there. It's going to take time for you to let it go it won't happen over night. What you have to decide is your marriage worth it to you to save? Tell him what you want out of your relationship. That he has to straighten himself out. You stated that he has stopped all drinking that is a start on his part. You need to talk about your feelings let it all out. Cry as much as you need to release the anger. He needs to support you emotionally. It has been a little over a year that I found out about the A. We talk about anything that bothers me I let it all out. I can say I don't get depressed to much anymore. I finally decided I had to let go of the anger and forgive him. I did it for me I had to so that I could move on to the next step of healing. So you have to ask yourself do you still love him? Do you want your marriage to work? Do you feel your marriage will be stronger in the future? Do you think he can be a better husband and father? He has to be a open book to you from now on. He has to work hard to repair the damage he has done to you and your marriage. If he can't do that then you need to decide what is best for you and your baby. I wish you luck.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Sweetdezi22, good luck with this one. My ex-husband was in the Marine Corps, also. Those "few good men" are brainwashed, dictated to and encouraged to put their families last. They are constantly reminded that it is God, country, Corps, family...in that order.


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