# Husband tells me he is leaving - again



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Was my birthday today. Background: late August this year he drops the D bomb on me. He moves out and I do a 180. He then asks me to go to MC with him as he wants to work out our problems.

He moves back home late October but sleeps in spare room. No affection, has not said I love you once. We continue weekly MC sessions. All I hear is blame, blame, blame.

Last weekend he starts the blame game again, this time accusing me of financial events that I never did! I fought back this time (instead of being calm). I will not allow him to create lies and blame me for our financial problems. He is so back and forth it seems he has multiple personalities. One day he wants this the next day something the opposite.

House foreclosed we have to be out mid January. We have been looking at houses and apartments together and today (my birthday) he tells me he does not want to move with me, he will move somewhere else alone.

I leave the house in tears, he calls me on my cell to "talk". His talk becomes a running commentary on how crappy I am, how I did this and that, etc. I am tired of hearing it. I am tired of his attempts to make me feel like a piece of garbage, that I am to blame for all the problems in his life, that I am a crappy wife and person that has made him miserable and ruined his life.

This afternoon I put a deposit on an apartment, 2 bedrooms just big enough for me and my child and our dogs. I am going to make the break and give him his wish, and me some peace. I have been a stay at home mom for over 8 yrs, and married for 12. Alimony and child support is not going to come cheap for him. Not that I care.

At the same time I am so hurt and scared and alone. I have no family in this country and I know he will never allow me to take our child out of the US. Life has thrown so many bad curve balls at me I ask myself what have I done to deserve this.

Happy birthday to me 

Sorry for the pity rant, I needed to vent.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well seems like you have no choice. It's a tough thing to go through.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

It seems to me he wants you more than you want him.
What does your MC say. Should you be together.
I doubt if he has financial problems you will get much money out of him. Apart from these problems is that all that you are being blamed for.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Talk to an attorney ASAP, so you can find out what you are entitled to in the state where you live. Different states have differing laws regarding alimony, and many states only start alimony after 10 years of marriage. It SEEMS that many states will provide a few years of alimony (like 3-5) so that the SAHM can get on her feet. 

Not trying to rain on your parade, but you've GOT to have a Plan B. Think about jobs, going back to school, living as a single parent. 

Sometimes, once you separate, the person bringing in the income will close that bank account and you have to figure it all out from scratch....and yes, that is even when they say "don't worry about money, I will take good care of you and the children...". So I would figure out how much you need to live on, rent, utilities, child expenses, groceries, car insurance, gas....everything.... and talk to H like you are doing him a favor by letting him go and agreeing to a divorce. Discuss the finances, and see if you can get into writing that he will pay you all that you are asking for. This is where he may balk... cuz the numbers suck! You can download separation agreements which deal with finances, responsibilities, and child-visitation.. you could do your homework, research divorce laws in your state, find the minimum that the state usually allows (there are worksheets online for this too)...and start from there. Create a proposal to get him to sign in return for "letting him have his freedom". It's just an idea, so you don't get screwed from the beginning. You still have to see an attorney as soon as you possibly can!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. On your birthday and before Christmas.

What a douche.

I am sorry you are going through this


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

Move on with your life and be happy for a change you tried giving it a go and it didnt work its not your fault you did your best. Seems like he doesnt know what he wants out of life himself. Thats something that he needs to find out on his own.


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