# I want it!



## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

Ok so here goes. Hubby and I have been together around 5 years and married for 3. We are each others first with just about everything, including sex. Neither of us had ever been in serious relationships before either so its all new. Hubby and I met over the internet, he lived in Virginia USA and I live in Ontario Canada so we talked on the phone for one year before actually meeting. After a few months of talking we started having "phone sex" sparingly, I would say MAYBE once a week or every 2 weeks. So when we finally met, it was about a month before we had sex. Hubby and I have since moved to Canada and have been here for over 4 years. I noticed early on that Hubby is not really that into sex. I have talked with him about it and he says he worries he is not doing it right. I told him I have NO complaints (really what do I have to base it on?) I have talked to him about wanting to have sex more often and trying new things. Now, I am a bigger woman so we don't really get freaky with it, which is fine. I also have low self esteem due to my weight and 150lbs weight loss, so I find it difficult also, but I really enjoy sex with my husband and feel SO close to him when we have had a nice night.

I guess my question is how can I make him feel like he is doing "a good job"? I have told him time and time again that I love when we are together and wouldn't want anyone else. We are 1000000% faithful to each other and have no kids, so nothing is holding us back. Just seems like I am always wanting it and he isn't giving it. We have went a year without sex when we first got married but we were also fighting a lot and living with my dad. Now we are in counseling and doing better and I just want a better sex life. Both of us are kinda shy when it comes to talking about it also.

Any help would be great  :smthumbup:


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

it sounds like his sex drive is low- a guy with a high sex drive would be wanting to figure it out by gaining more experience. 

men like praise in the moment- when you are enjoying each other, tell him! you can verbally help him during, also, so he KNOWS he's hitting the right spots for you to enjoy it.


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

Thanks Soulsearch, I will try that. It's getting him to want to do it that's also the issue.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Try having phone sex first, build up to the moment. Send him a sexy text. Buy some new underwear and tell him you have new panties on and they are wet. 

Hop in the shower with him and give him a thorough cleaning. Do some role play. Dominate him in bed by tying him up. 

Make love to his genitals, kiss, lick, caress, moan and groan with them. 

Buy some lube and make it slippery. Massage it into him.


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

Thanks Tracy, I will have to try some of these. Not sure how much of this I can do. We are both quite shy and especially me with my self esteem, not sure what I can do. I like the idea of role playing and using lube.

Do you know how I could introduce toys into this? Hubby is quite small and I have never been able to have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. This could be another issue, I'm sure he notices this.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How old are you two? Is he at a healthy weight? Has he had his testosterone checked? And why aren't you talking about this in counseling? Or if you are, what's coming out of that discussion?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Huzzah (Sep 11, 2013)

Does your husband have issues getting physically aroused? Sounds like something else is going on, something that maybe has nothing to do with you.


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

I am 31 and he is 35. Hubby is at a good weight, he is not as fit as he used to be, has a tiny tummy, but that's it. He is not heavy at all. He has never had his testosterone checked. We have talked about it and really it comes down to us. She had us watch a movie called the sessions and we had sex after that. He says we don't have sex much cause he feels he is doing it wrong, this is what he always says. He also knows it important for me, but it doesn't really change anything. He has no issues getting aroused. Sometimes happens when we are just sitting there and he says he doesn't know why. I am not sure what that means. Our counselor also asked how often he masturbates and he refused to answer her. Could there be something wrong causing his erections at times? Sometimes it happens in front of people and its embarrassing. No one has noticed but me, or at least I hope.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You two both need to lose your hang ups about sex, especially with each other. Did he give a reason for refusing to answer the masturbation question?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

imhisbeautifuldisaster said:


> Thanks Tracy, I will have to try some of these. Not sure how much of this I can do. We are both quite shy and especially me with my self esteem, not sure what I can do. I like the idea of role playing and using lube.
> 
> Do you know how I could introduce toys into this? Hubby is quite small and I have never been able to have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. This could be another issue, I'm sure he notices this.


My h loves when I use his c0ck to rub my clit while on top of him. He thinks it's very hot. He could also rub your clit while you ride him. 

Toys can be intimidating. My h likes to watch me play, with or without toys. This usually brings him into the mood to 'help'. 

Confidence with sex and your body is arousing in itself. Pretend you are his sex diva. Buy an outfit that makes you feel good. Dim the lights. Have fun.


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

PBear said:


> You two both need to lose your hang ups about sex, especially with each other. Did he give a reason for refusing to answer the masturbation question?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



It's hard to lose the "hang ups" when we are self esteem is not great, but I do try. I think he was just embarrassed. He is VERY quiet. It's just not something he talks about. Kind of like going to the bathroom or farting. Lol. 

Tracy, your husband is a lucky man. Lol. Thanks for the tips. I will try them out.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

imhisbeautifuldisaster said:


> It's hard to lose the "hang ups" when we are self esteem is not great, but I do try. I think he was just embarrassed. He is VERY quiet. It's just not something he talks about. Kind of like going to the bathroom or farting. Lol.
> 
> Tracy, your husband is a lucky man. Lol. Thanks for the tips. I will try them out.


Please report back


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## bevixnz (Nov 22, 2013)

There is no substitute for enthusiasm! which is apparently the whole basis for pornography.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

PBear said:


> You two both need to lose your hang ups about sex, especially with each other. Did he give a reason for refusing to answer the masturbation question?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Very good point..and these questions need to be answered!
There should be nothing a strong couple can't talk about. It makes your marriage stronger.


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