# Husband now dating and will file for divorce



## Delilah1971 (Sep 18, 2019)

Hello again 

I’ve posted a few times about my marriage. My husband left last summer, I didn't seen it coming. We were together 20 years and I had I no idea that we were not alright. I did know that he’d seemed to be in a state of inward seething in the last few years and particularly critical towards our eldest teen child and myself. Much of the time, we had to tread carefully around H and I would often advise my teen to just do what dad says because that makes life easier. We felt that H had certain standards we were all expected to meet. When I look back now I realise this all made me feel very stifled. 

With hindsight after he moved out, I started to become suspicious H had met someone else. All the signs were there. 

A very similar thing happened in H’s family. His father and sister clashed throughout her teenage years and his parents lived apart for a couple of years. Strangely, I always worried history would repeat itself. H’s mother confided in me that his father has had affairs in the past but she had turned a blind eye to them. His dad is an alcoholic but to the outside world they’re respectable retired professionals. 

Anyway, I’ve been trying to nourish my soul since he moved out, his hurtful words blaming me when he left crushed me. I backed off, followed the detach advise and asked H no more questions about our future or his life. But I’m doing OK now. 

Yesterday H spoke of an event he was attending and I could see that he now has a whole life and set of friends 15 years younger than us. I asked him again if there was another, I showed him evidence I had and he said that he is now dating the woman I had been suspicious about from the start. He wishes to divorce and will start proceedings now. I thanked him for his honestly. 

I know I’ll be alright but I can’t stop crying. Happy memories of our life together keep coming into my head. 

He still wants to look after us and the house. I think that’s lovely of him but I pointed out to him that his girlfriend may not be happy about that. I told him not to feel that he can’t introduce her to the children in the future and that I just want to be mature about all this. I took my rings off but he told me they’re mine to keep. 

I guess I just needed to write it down. I’m just so sad. 

Thank you for all the supportive friends here that have been so amazingly helpful.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Damn!!


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Delilah1971 said:


> Yesterday H spoke of an event he was attending and I could see that he now has a whole life and set of friends 15 years younger than us. I asked him again if there was another, I showed him evidence I had and he said that he is now dating the woman I had been suspicious about from the start. He wishes to divorce and will start proceedings now. I thanked him for his honestly.


You're a nice person.



> I know I’ll be alright but I can’t stop crying. Happy memories of our life together keep coming into my head.


Sunk cost thinking. What's done is done. Starting today, what can you do to make YOUR life fantastic? There is an answer. 



> He still wants to look after us and the house. I think that’s lovely of him but I pointed out to him that his girlfriend may not be happy about that. I told him not to feel that he can’t introduce her to the children in the future and that I just want to be mature about all this. I took my rings off but he told me they’re mine to keep.


In all probability, this girlfriend will disappear over time. He may think he's fifteen years younger, but he's not. Age will not be denied. If it were me, I wouldn't want him dragging his latest girlfriend into my kids' lives just to have her disappear. That's cruel to the kids.



> I guess I just needed to write it down. I’m just so sad.


Yes, you married a POS, but that's done. What's next? You sound like a lovely lady.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I'm sorry for your pain. Beyond that, I got nuttin' but hope you're doing everything you can to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually.


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## Delilah1971 (Sep 18, 2019)

One thing for sure - you guys and ladies on here have kept me sane! What did we do before the internet and online forums?

Thank you all. Done some gardening today and feeling better. 

This feels like a breakthrough. I think I’d just reached my limit with his shady behaviour and we needed to free ourselves from it.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Of course you are sad sweetheart. That’s a lot to mourn the loss of! I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling. 

How old are your children? Do they go back and forth between homes? Did he say if he has been with this gf the whole time?

I agree that I wouldn’t want to drag them through multiple girlfriends, especially if they are very young. If you share custody, that’s not really going to be up to you to control I suppose.

Sending you a big warm hug.


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## Delilah1971 (Sep 18, 2019)

Hi Spicy 

They are 14 and 15. 

I take on board your wise words re introducing them to her too soon. 

He says they’ve been on 2 dates and kissed but that it’s all very recent.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Delilah1971 said:


> One thing for sure - you guys and ladies on here have kept me sane! What did we do before the internet and online forums?
> 
> Thank you all. Done some gardening today and feeling better.
> 
> This feels like a breakthrough. I think I’d just reached my limit with his shady behaviour and we needed to free ourselves from it.


*We're here for you, Sweetheart! Prayers flowing your way!

Meanwhile, you really need to procure legal counsel to help preserve your legal and custodial rights!*


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

He will flame out, they always do. Especially if this girl is 15 years younger than him. I hope you now see him for who he is. I am going through a similar situation. It is an eye opening event.


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## seb345 (Feb 14, 2020)

I agree. He will get over her soon and will run to you again. These types of relationships rarely work out.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Delilah1971 said:


> One thing for sure - you guys and ladies on here have kept me sane! What did we do before the internet and online forums?
> 
> Thank you all. Done some gardening today and feeling better.
> 
> This feels like a breakthrough. I think I’d just reached my limit with his shady behaviour and we needed to free ourselves from it.


I'm proud of you already!!!


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Delilah1971 said:


> Hi Spicy
> 
> They are 14 and 15.
> 
> ...


Just wow, 2 dates and already in luv, what an ass.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

seb345 said:


> I agree. He will get over her soon and will run to you again. These types of relationships rarely work out.


But don't do it!!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Delilah1971 said:


> Hi Spicy
> 
> They are 14 and 15.
> 
> ...


What he says and what the actual truth is could be very different. At 14 and 15 they could have their own ideas about when to meet dad’s gf so go with what they feel comfortable with. If it isn’t what their dad wants, too bad for him.


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## Delilah1971 (Sep 18, 2019)

You’re all amazing! Thank you! 

That’s a very good point about the kids. I’ll let them decide and for the time being there’ll be no more discussion about it.


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## NalaLyla (Mar 3, 2020)

Delilah1971 said:


> Hello again
> 
> I’ve posted a few times about my marriage. My husband left last summer, I didn't seen it coming. We were together 20 years and I had I no idea that we were not alright. I did know that he’d seemed to be in a state of inward seething in the last few years and particularly critical towards our eldest teen child and myself. Much of the time, we had to tread carefully around H and I would often advise my teen to just do what dad says because that makes life easier. We felt that H had certain standards we were all expected to meet. When I look back now I realise this all made me feel very stifled.
> 
> ...


Sorry to read that! No matter what, remember, that you get not more that you could bear!


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