# If I new what I know now 25 years ago!



## nxs450 (Apr 17, 2012)

I was just sitting here thinking about when I was in my prime, I am 52 this month. How I was always ready to go, erections were a hourly event, the wind would blow across it and it would instantly be standing at full attention, and you could go 3 to 5 times in one day when you wasn't even in the mood. Just the feeling I had then, the burning from my groin to my rear. Morning wood that you couldn't beat down with a stick, waiting for it to subside so you could finally empty your bladder. 

I didn't realize how good things were, and really never thought about the day things would start changing. I don't have ED or anything, but it's not like it used to be. There are a few days out of the month that I feel real close to those days. Other then that it is hit and miss. I mean with physical stimulation and such I can still get aroused and have a enjoyable time with the wife, and the quality is far better now. But just think if we had what we had back then with the confidence, knowledge and experiance that we have gained now, and our wifes being in there prime we would probaly never leave the house.

Mother nature played a mean trick on us by not getting the timing right for men and women when it comes to our sexual peak.

Awh the good old days, and in more ways then just this one.

How do you guys feel about it?


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

I agree! To have the stamina I had in my teens, yet the patience I have now.... 

I think I would have it wore down to a nub!


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

well I was 12 25 years ago but I would tell myself 'men don't use sex to get what they want, sex IS what they want'


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Though I miss the strength and stamina of my youth, if I could have known then something I only learned more recently ( besides don't marry the redhead, and buy Microsoft and then sell and buy Apple that is ) I would have wanted my young self to have understood that I wasn't an ugly troll and to wait until I found a gal who was truly my type. To have had a perspective on the world not filled with fear and insecurity. To have understood the need for moderation in life and to treasure all the moments and people in them.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Ha, they make drugs for that now! I am only a few months behind you in age and I relate to what you said. A light dose of one of the ED meds really does make a difference. I cut a Staxyn in half or even thirds, and I am back to being 18 again. Vits D, E, and Zinc help with the Testosterone. Exercise helps.

You probably remember the Bob Seger song "Against the Wind". It has a great line: _Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then_.

Against the wind - Bob Seger - YouTube


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Thor, I was just about to post that line!

Yes, it's a double-edged sword -- we are wiser, but there's also a certain loss of innocence and hope.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

nxs450 said:


> I was just sitting here thinking about when I was in my prime, I am 52 this month. How I was always ready to go, erections were a hourly event, the wind would blow across it and it would instantly be standing at full attention, and you could go 3 to 5 times in one day when you wasn't even in the mood. Just the feeling I had then, the burning from my groin to my rear. Morning wood that you couldn't beat down with a stick, waiting for it to subside so you could finally empty your bladder.
> 
> I didn't realize how good things were, and really never thought about the day things would start changing. I don't have ED or anything, but it's not like it used to be. There are a few days out of the month that I feel real close to those days. Other then that it is hit and miss. I mean with physical stimulation and such I can still get aroused and have a enjoyable time with the wife, and the quality is far better now. But just think if we had what we had back then with the confidence, knowledge and experiance that we have gained now, and our wifes being in there prime we would probaly never leave the house.
> 
> ...


From a women's perspective, IMO, too many people harbor too many regrets. 

For my part, I prefer to live in the moment and enjoy the moment. 

Perhaps all the mistakes we THINK we made were really lessons we needed to learn. 

And, as we live in the moment we can put those seeming mistakes/lessons behind us by learning from them, letting them go and moving forward. 

I am also a betrayed spouse and my unfaithful husband was voicing similar regrets since his 40s, he is now in his late 50s. 

He had at least one affair that I know of and likely more. 

IMO, this type of thinking is what led to the affair. 

My unfaithful spouse was always thinking "shoulda', coulda', woulda'. 

I on the other hand can just live in the moment and savor a sunset or a beautiful smell on the wind or woodsmoke in the air. 

I think to me, all roads led to where I am now and there is a reason for that. 

Despite my husband's cheating, and some initial self doubts and tremendous insecurity, I am only now realizing that I am still largely happy with me and where I am. 

Perhaps I am meant to divorce him and move on taking the lessons learned while with him into the future. He was certainly far from the perfect husband, he was not even the good and honest person I thought he was. He was always somewhat selfish and self centered, but I accepted it as part of who he was and honored my vows. 

My unfaithful spouse, on the other hand, never seems to be happy. He always needs more or something different and is always lamenting things he should have done. 

Even now that he caused me to file by cheating, he is unhappy that we are divorcing, even though while in the fog of his affair with a serial cheater, he asked me to divorce him during a fight he purposely started over nothing important.

Sigh. So to my mind rather than live in a state or regret which always takes us into the past. I would rather let go of regret, live in the moment and look forward to the future.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> I am also a betrayed spouse and my unfaithful husband was voicing similar regrets since his 40s, he is now in his late 50s.
> 
> He had at least one affair that I know of and likely more.
> 
> IMO, this type of thinking is what led to the affair.


Idk, this kind of looking back seems normal as long as it doesn't become obsessive. I have had these kinds of regrets over the past year or so, but I am far less likely to cheat than when I was 25 and my hormones were in high gear.

Perhaps there is some difference between men and women in the area of regrets.

And since I'm in a Bob Seger kind of mood today, his song "Like a Rock" is right on target.

Bob Seger - Like a Rock ( Music Video ) - YouTube

Stood there boldly sweatin' in the sun
Felt like a million, felt like number one
The height of summer, I'd never felt that strong
Like a rock.

I was eighteen, didn't have a care
Workin' for peanuts, not a dime to spare
But I was lean and solid everywhere
Like a rock.

My hands were steady, my eyes were clear and bright
My walk had purpose, my steps were quick and light
And I held firm to what I felt was right
Like a rock.

Like a rock - I was strong as I could be
Like a rock - nothin' ever got to me
Like a rock - I was something to see
Like a rock.

And I stood arrow straight, unencumbered by the weight
Of all these hustlers and their schemes
I stood proud, I stood tall, high above it all
I still believed in my dreams.

[SOLO]

Twenty years now, where'd they go
Twenty years - I don't know
I sit and I wonder sometimes where they've gone
And sometimes late at night - oh when I'm bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin' a ghostly white

And I recall, I recall.

Like a rock - standin' arrow straight
Like a rock - chargin' from the gate
Like a rock - carryin' the weight
Like a rock.
Like a rock - the sun upon my skin
Like a rock - hard against the wind
Like a rock - I see myself again
Like a rock,

Oh, like a rock.


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## nxs450 (Apr 17, 2012)

Thor said:


> Ha, they make drugs for that now! I am only a few months behind you in age and I relate to what you said. A light dose of one of the ED meds really does make a difference. I cut a Staxyn in half or even thirds, and I am back to being 18 again. Vits D, E, and Zinc help with the Testosterone. Exercise helps.
> 
> You probably remember the Bob Seger song "Against the Wind". It has a great line: _Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then_.
> 
> Against the wind - Bob Seger - YouTube


Yes I use Viagra occasionaly, but it doesn't do anything for libido. I'm talking about the feeling I had when I was younger. I can't really put it into words, but if your a man and over 50 I'm sure you know what I am talking about. The ED drugs are great though. When we have the house to our selves for a weekend and were both in the mood, it doesn't hurt adding a little nitro to the fuel. lol


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

But you have so much more to live. You'll look back on this time when you are 90 and wish you never wasted your time with regrets. Men in their middle years are better than young men., they are more patient, generous, and compassionate than men 1/2 their age. Yet, they are still men with all the force and confidence of men without the insecurities and longings that make young men seem difficult to like at times. 

I have 2 mentors who are men in their 50s. I love them, because they are so generous to teach me how to be be bold when needed, humble when called on, patient when vexed and compassionate when challenged. I think a strong older man is the archetypal male. He is every thing a man aught to be and then some. 

Don't know why you guys are lamenting being the best you have ever been. As far as I see, our culture thinks of you this way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Catherine602 said:


> Don't know why you guys are lamenting being the best you have ever been. As far as I see, our culture thinks of you this way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ask almost every man in his 50s, as wise he may be, and he'll pick 25 every time.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

If I knew 20 years ago.....that's a hard one. In many ways I wish I had waited and married someone else. I wouldn't settle for my wife knowing how sexually incompatible we would become. On the other hand I would still go through anything to have my kids in my life. It's a double edged sword.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

The following top five regrets is from The top 5 regrets people have on their deathbeds - Lifehacks

_I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me._
I’ve no regrets here.

_I wish I didn’t work so hard._
Some regrets but not a lot.

_I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings._
No regrets here about myself. But I regret deeply my wife’s inability to be open and true about her feelings.

_I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends._
I’m in touch with an exceedingly special few so no regrets.

_I wish that I had let myself be happier._
No regrets here.


My neighbour had his 65th birthday last year. He was a paratrooper and fought in Angola and other places. He’s a very special man. He gave a little speech in which he said although he’s had a greatly enjoyable life, the last 15 years with his partner have been the best years for him. That if he dies today or tomorrow he will die a happy and contented man. I’m 63 and I feel exactly the same way.

The trick is to find things that you enjoy doing, things that you are passionate about. And then having the courage, drive, resourcefulness and motivations to go out and get a life such that you live your passions. Do that and you’ll have exceedingly few regrets.

Sex? I’ve absolutely no regrets as far as sex is concerned. I lived just about all my adult life with a woman I was truly passionate about and who fulfilled my passions in many ways.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

to answer the original post.....my life would be completely different

i would be a drummer for a heavy metal group, or a PGA professional.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Don't know why you guys are lamenting being the best you have ever been. As far as I see, our culture thinks of you this way.


In many ways I feel much happier and more grounded than I did when I was 20. But my back hurts most days, I've got an extra 10 lbs of fat which won't go away, and it takes some meds to make it through a whole sex session.

I'll never be physically able to do the things I used to do. I've climbed the highest peaks in the Andes, and some of the high peaks of the Himalaya. I've backpacked the wilderness in the Rocky Mtns. I've re-roofed my house (no I don't want to do that again!). When the grandkids come along I won't be able to horse around with them like I did my own kids.

My hands won't cooperate with playing guitar the way they used to, and the memory won't remember new songs so easily. My ears ring all the time due to a medication reaction a few years ago. I can still hack around on the guitar, but I'll never be as solid or polished as I used to be.

In a lot of ways I feel like I am just hitting my stride with understanding the world and with getting my act together, but my body is starting to wear out.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Same here, Thor. The old saying, "youth is wasted on the young" is taking on more meaning these days!


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

nxs450 said:


> Mother nature played a mean trick on us by not getting the timing right for men and women when it comes to our sexual peak.


I've heard people say this a lot, but I've been thinking lately... maybe it's the opposite... maybe Mother Nature DID get it right because in a loving relationship, you usually try for your spouse even if you don't have the desire at that moment. So maybe by having alternating sexual desire schedules mother nature built the foundation for us to stay engaged with each other for the long haul.

Can you imagine if your sexual drive was synonymous with your wife's, or vice versa? Then you wouldn't be having sex until you hit your 40's... Or, if vice versa, if yours wife's sex drive was synonymous with yours, then you'd pretty much stop having sex once you're 50!

Yes... maybe mother nature got it right after all...


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Same here, Thor. The old saying, "youth is wasted on the young" is taking on more meaning these days!


:thumbup:

Ooh so true!


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

nxs450 said:


> I was just sitting here thinking about when I was in my prime, I am 52 this month. How I was always ready to go, erections were a hourly event, the wind would blow across it and it would instantly be standing at full attention, and you could go 3 to 5 times in one day when you wasn't even in the mood. Just the feeling I had then, the burning from my groin to my rear. Morning wood that you couldn't beat down with a stick, waiting for it to subside so you could finally empty your bladder.
> 
> I didn't realize how good things were, and really never thought about the day things would start changing. I don't have ED or anything, but it's not like it used to be. There are a few days out of the month that I feel real close to those days. Other then that it is hit and miss. I mean with physical stimulation and such I can still get aroused and have a enjoyable time with the wife, and the quality is far better now. But just think if we had what we had back then with the confidence, knowledge and experiance that we have gained now, and our wifes being in there prime we would probaly never leave the house.
> 
> ...


VIAGRA = The great equalizer


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

yeah it really is sad and a shame we are at our best's when we get the least amount of sex.

at least for me i got more sex as i aged i believe that is normal for most men. I am married so i get sex all the time more than i could imagine when i was ever single or had a girlfriend. I still can get it up a lot and go multiple times in a day or right after finishing. But of course i had more to give and more energy when i was younger. 

kind of sucks when you are 18 you are at your best and girls dont enjoy sex (most it seems) like they do after they are +30 years old. I hardly got sex when i was young even my senior year in college i had a steady GF and the year before i got action but damn can i say it was never enough. I convinced myself that this is normal and that i must expect to live life without as much sex as id like and just forget about sex and just do it cause it feels good and when she wants which was occasionally. Was not till i was married my dreams were answered and wife would drop her panties all the time wanting me.

but still to think of all my prime years that were wasted!  with little sex


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> If I new what I know now 25 years ago


 I've been saying this to myself for the past 3 yrs ....if only I knew!  



nxs450 said:


> Mother nature played a mean trick on us by not getting the timing right for men and women when it comes to our sexual peak.


I have CRIED over this reality ...wanting to go back in time many many times and re-live those years. I also call it a cruel joke. Where were the women in my life to warn me of this...damn it -for all I knew, men never slow down. Ya know my Grandmother taught me so much about life, love, many valuable insights when I was growing up, but she left this TRUTH out about the sex drives !  

I would give anything for my husband to be young like THAT again, feeling "LIKE A ROCK" ...I will never look at that song the same way again! Never entertained it in that context... it is a wonder with my dirty mind these days! 

..."standin' arrow straight - chargin' from the gate - hard against the wind"...that's really speaking it ! 


Back then, I had little interest in doing it 3 times a day..but I could have easily done it once a day. He didn't get near enough -he deserved SOOO much more.  I practically spit on his "raring to go" years .....so clueless , so off in the clouds. 

Then I hit *MY PRIME*......like a raging flood hit me. I seriously couldn't understand how in the H*** he held himself back...I would have went out of my living mind had I been him! More tears realizing how he put himself down...what he missed... what WE missed. 

It was the closest thing I ever came to resenting my husband... for being so damn passive about his own needs. How dare him put himself down like that! 

I would have blown a stack missing it even for a day when I was feeling like that. If he didn't like sex, He would have had to get rid of me, cause I "couldn't" leave him alone. 

I sometimes wish he was antsy for it -needing it like air, but it is not to be.... I feel like I missed one of the greatest gifts of our marraige somehow...HIS PRIME....while I was all repressed, then infertility hit us, then our quiver was so full, I lost site of him. He just stood beside me not rocking the boat or trying to express how he was feeling...what he needed, craved.  We had at least once a week (always) -and it was HOT ...but it could have been soooo much more. 



> *BottledUp said*: I've heard people say this a lot, but I've been thinking lately... maybe it's the opposite... maybe Mother Nature DID get it right because in a loving relationship, you usually try for your spouse even if you don't have the desire at that moment. So maybe by having alternating sexual desire schedules mother nature built the foundation for us to stay engaged with each other for the long haul.


 I've looked at it this way also... and it makes sense !! It is the challenge of every marraige for each to express deeply our needs to the other -without being a B**** or a D*** about it. 

My husband is my Hero... considering how he has handled ME ....it was SEX SEX and MORE SEX for a time....even when he couldn't keep up (thank God for Viagra & Stiff nights on occasion) ... It has brought us to new heights - though he does joke that I wear him out & take every drop of his Test. 




> Can you imagine if your sexual drive was synonymous with your wife's, or vice versa? Then you wouldn't be having sex until you hit your 40's... Or, if vice versa, if yours wife's sex drive was synonymous with yours, then you'd pretty much stop having sex once you're 50!


 I've entertained this thought too and came to the conclusion we would have spent SOOOOOOO much time in bed in our early marraige...we'd probably still be at our 1st house with it falling down around us - I know when my sex drive kicked in full swing ..it consumed every thought..... that is all I wanted to do- the heck with projects...let them die!! Even in the midst of them, I wanted to jump him again. It was terrible..I don't know how young men manage to get any school work done when they feel like that ! I can see why they jack it 4 times a day. 

I have a fantastic understanding of a raging HD sex drive -after my experience..... I feel men get the BUM deal trying to explain this to their wives ....if they fail, many times they miss out...and suffer. And yeah, 20 some yrs later, the wife comes into her Cougar.....and now he is slowing down! It takes alot of love & understanding to please when your spouse is feeling like THAT...even when we are not. But it IS the answer to a thriving marraige. 

I found this on the net -gives a little explanation of why this is ....



> *Balance the seesaw*.
> 
> When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
> 
> Again, hormonal changes are bringing the couple into closer balance. Men and women both produce testosterone and estrogen, but the proportion of each changes over the years. The male's shifting levels of estrogen and testosterone may make him more willing to follow than to lead, happy for his wife to set the pace. And as a woman's estrogen declines and her testosterone becomes proportionately greater, she may become more assertive.


Also this book goes into great detail about this...even saying that men in their 20's are a better match SEXUALLY to women in their 40's... even older men are a better match to younger women (cause they are lower drive)... obviosuly this only lasts for a time. Best to love your spouse & fillfill their needs, flowing with the hormonal changes throughout marriage. 

 The Alchemy of Love and Lust : Books


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## alex2 (Apr 8, 2012)

I doubt few people on earth with they knew years ago what they know now.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

alex2 said:


> I doubt few people on earth with they knew years ago what they know now.


That is why we are supposed to listen to our elders and if they were doing the right thing by us.....they'd be passing down the wisdom -with some warnings...not forgetting to mention such things as these, even if it is a little uncomfortable.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Aging sucks  when your body starts to fail you it's very aggravating!! I'm only late 30's, but years of sports, working out, weights, etc now my knees hurt, rotator cuff issues, those aches and pains are getting the best of me more often then not.

Add to that my dad and all of his siblings had Alzheimers and it runs in on my moms side too.....I figure I have 20 good years left and then it becomes stupidville!!! Unless medicine really finds a cure because odds are I'm getting it.

Other than all the normal wishes.........like invest in this or that. Life is good, kids good, job good, wife good, it just goes by so damn fast.

Maybe if I could be super religious and really believe in a after life that would help a little too...........lol.


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