# Domestic abuse



## Abby_1963 (Jan 26, 2009)

I am sitting here right now feeling very confused and hurt and just about every other emotion possible.

I wasn't sure where to post this so if this needs to be moved, please do so...

My live-in boyfriend was just arrested on domestic abuse towards me. He physically intimidated me to the point of pushing me around (he is a rather large guy) and slapped me very hard in the face, twice. Open and closed fist. This is not the first time he has reacted to me like this. Last time he punched me several times and threw me on the floor and continued to hit me. He left quite a few bruises at that time.
And the fights usually stem from him not wanting to talk to me about issues that I think are valid. Instead he chooses the ignore method which only gets me more frustrated. And then things escalate.

I will not take the "I'm totally innocent" part in this. I can dish things out maybe to the point of getting him that angry at me that he does hit me. I try to get away from him before it develops into that, but sometimes his anger comes out anyway.

I'm skipping around here as I describe what just happened and I apologize...I'm just feeling very alone and scared at the moment.

Yes, I called 911 after he slapped me the second time tonight...I was scared and his size does intimidate me. And when he gets angry at me he just totally doesn't care if he's hurting me or not. 

So, the sheriff shows up and I stepped outside and he was in the house while another officer questioned him. And then they questioned me...my story and his story was not matching and the officer told me that it was apparent that he was not telling the truth. I don't know what was said as I was outside. All I know is my side of the story and it was the truth.

They put handcuffs on him and told him he was going to jail.
In the state of Washington I have learned that no matter what, on a domestic call, one or the other or both go to jail.

I have never been in a situation like this. What scares me the most is I moved to Washington with him and I have no family or friends here. What I have left of my family and friends all live on the east coast.

I have no job since moving here and I am finding it very difficult to find work....which I might add is part of the fight we had tonight. He is mad at me and says I am "sponging" off of him. Which is not true. He told me that we would help each other and he knew I was looking for work. I have never in my life relied on another person to take care of me. I've always had my own money. These past few months he has been paying the rent and food. I don't ask him for money, but tonight I did ask for a few dollars to put in for gas in my car. And that's when he struck me and continued to follow me into another room of the house and throw his chest into me hoping I would push back, which I did and it all went downhill from there.

I'm afraid for what he will be like when he posts bond in a few hours and comes home...I know he has to work in the morning.
Should I have not called the police? I feel like this is all my fault now...I'm also afraid he will throw me out of the house with no where to go. Both of our names are on the lease. And I fronted the money for the rental that we live in. 

I just wish I knew of some kind of resources that could help us.
We are limited on cash so going to a counselor I don't think is a good idea at this time.

I don't know what to do....thanks for reading this...


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Abby_1963 said:


> I have never been in a situation like this. What scares me the most is I moved to Washington with him and I have no family or friends here. What I have left of my family and friends all live on the east coast.


If you read this forum long enough you will he that in most of the posts where there is severe abuse, either emotional or physical - it often happens that the woman has moved or been moved away from here original social network. 

The best thing you can do is read as many thread on here as you can.

As for your question, should you have called the police - I guess you got more than you bargained for, but... it shows him there can be consequences to his actions. That is good because if he tries anything else, his actions are already on record. Abusers can only operate in secrecy - you have denied him that.

However, if you are really really provoking him as you say, it might be good to fin a less incendiary way of expressing yourself to him, without becoming a doormat. 

How is the relationship on a good day? How often are the bad days?


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## sweetpea (Jan 30, 2007)

I looked up the phone number for Washington State Domestic Violence Hotline - 800-562-6025. . The Hotline will give info to help you find a counselor in your city, and the counseling should be free, or sliding scale fee. 

It is not your fault.

Please update us on your situation. 

sweet pea


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Since there has been a history of violence, I personally would contact family/friend and let them know, see if they can provide you with a plane ticket back to your home town and get out of the situation. You were absolutely right to call 911 in that situation and you're right to worry about his state of mind when he returns. Do not stay there if you feel he will harm you and I personally would not recommend apologizing for calling 911 or he will think you will put up with this in the future and not call.


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