# is loving my wife enough



## varela12 (Mar 24, 2013)

hello 

i've been married for a little under 3 years we have two kids my little girl is 2 going on 3 my son is 7 months Ive been with my wife for four years now total its been a hard road for us I don't know if my love is a enough we barely get we for sure don't make love its always to tired or just goes straight to sleep I try my best do a lot around the house I take of the kids the best I can .But she does very little around the and is always busy doing something working school or something for her mom I don't understand what im doing wrong I talk to her and let her know how I feel but that doesn't seem to work cause nothing changes she's says she's going to but I don't see and actions what should I do im feeling like the only in a marriage here


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Your needs are NOT being met. It will not get any better until you sit her down and tell her that your done being in second or third place in her life.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You might get more responses if you divide your post into sentences. Right now it's too hard to read.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

richie33 said:


> Your needs are NOT being met. It will not get any better until you sit her down and tell her that your done being in second or third place in her life.


Well you have that and also that you need to take some of that time your reflecting that she's not helping out enough for you and do some things you need to do for yourself. Do it strongly, and be responsible to the things you have. She may get drawn back in.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

A couple of questions I think are important:

1) Is your wife ignoring just your needs, or is she ignoring you and the kids. I've heard about people who are dissatisfied with family life in general and go nuts on the outside activities, but it's unclear if that's happening here.

2) What is the overall workload split between the two of you? Saying "I take care of the home" can provide a distorted view if you don't consider who works the most hours, who deals with kid's needs, etc.

3) What is the deal with her mom? Are they just very close and your wife is mis-prioritizing her time? Or does her mom have serious issues and needs assistance?

Regardless of the answers, you need to be strong and do for yourself. If she's blowing off the kids you need to be there for them too - they are innocent victims of any marriage issues and need to feel safe, loved, and wanted.

If there really is too much going on outside of home, then maybe you guys need to say "no" sometimes - to either the volunteer-seekers and maybe your bosses.


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

DTO said:


> A couple of questions I think are important:
> 
> 1) Is your wife ignoring just your needs, or is she ignoring you and the kids. I've heard about people who are dissatisfied with family life in general and go nuts on the outside activities, but it's unclear if that's happening here.
> 
> ...


She might not be "ignoring" your needs, but she might be focused on what she is doing. I make sure it's communicated that you have to be part of the equation, or your not going to be happy and that can only last so long because you will be gone.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

DaddyLongShanks said:


> She might not be "ignoring" your needs, but she might be focused on what she is doing.


I don't see the difference. Are you saying she is unaware he has unmet needs and/or she's responsible for meeting them?

If so, I'd say that's unlikely. It's more likely she knows but is not motivated to meet them for whatever reason. Another factor is she might be minimizing her time at home so he has less opportunity to address his needs with her.

I guess it would not hurt to make sure she knows he has unmet needs. But, it's overwhelmingly likely that the conversation will have to progress to (1) it is her responsibility to meet those needs, and (2) her failure to meet those needs will (or has) harmed the marriage / threatens its survival.


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