# Crushed



## shawndwyer070 (Nov 14, 2021)

Hi all,advice greatly needed,i was with my gf for 21 years with 3 kids two are now 18,6 months ago my gf said she needed space ad stayed at her friends,then came back crying saying she misses home,then a few months went by and I got a text from her saying I can't do this anymore and moved out leaving me and the kids,since then 5 months have past and we was coping just fine,today I got the news that she has had my so called friends baby,I've worked out the dates and she left us at the same time she was going to give birth,I couldn't tell she was pregnant as she is a larger women,and it didn't even enter my head,my 4 year old boy has not stopped crying,she used to text him all the time but rarely does now,does anyone have a view on this,
1,why stay with us so late into the pregnancy like 7-8 months why not just leave with him
2,why my past friend,
please bear in mind that while all this was going on she would say i love you every day,my head is about to burst please offer some advice ,people say do something to take your mind of her but all i can think about is the betrayle,i was 19 when we met,how can someone turn there back on so much history,to have my friend s baby who she has known for like 6months thanks in advance shawn


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

She isn’t a good partner. Obviously she had sex with the friend. She never loved you enough to even marry you after you two had kids.

I know it’s tough but you have to move on. Separate whatever needs to be separate and be strong for your kids.


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## staceymj86 (Apr 14, 2020)

This is a sad story and I’m sorry you’re going through this. As a mom of 2 kids, I’ve always wondered how some women are able to just up and leave their kids behind. I have a special connection to my kids and could never imagine being away from them longer than a few hours a day. I get sad when they spend the night at a relatives house.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Well, when a person cheats, it changes a person. They lose all connection and feelings toward the partner they betrayed. She stayed and lied to you all that time because you were her security blanket. She either monkey branched to another guy, or got a taste for other men and wants to play the field.
Don’t fret about the why/— you’ll never understand it because you’re not a cheater, most likely.

You haven’t mentioned why you never married, but looks like you dodged a bullet with that.
Don’t overthink things. Just build a new life without her and move on.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

My heart breaks for your 4 year old, how can she just abandon her children like this? 
All you can do is be the best dad you can and I hope you have family who are being supportive and can help give the children the love they need, especially the little one.


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

I am so sorry this has happened to you and your kids. I have nothing but contempt for you (ex-)gf.

You need to be there for your boy, be strong and be kind to him. Focus on yourself and your kids, you then be in the best frame of mind if she decides she wants to come crawling back.


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## Baytree (Nov 15, 2021)

Definitely best off without her awful how she has treated you and your kids. Don’t understand how she can walk out on her children to go have another when she can’t even be a mum to the ones she has.


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## shawndwyer070 (Nov 14, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Well, when a person cheats, it changes a person. They lose all connection and feelings toward the partner they betrayed. She stayed and lied to you all that time because you were her security blanket. She either monkey branched to another guy, or got a taste for other men and wants to play the field.
> Don’t fret about the why/— you’ll never understand it because you’re not a cheater, most likely.
> 
> You haven’t mentioned why you never married, but looks like you dodged a bullet with that.
> Don’t overthink things. Just build a new life without her and move on.


thanks so much rot thereplies it means alot ,we never married bacause it never came up ,but if we were married d


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## shawndwyer070 (Nov 14, 2021)

thankyou all for taking the time out to reply i really mean it thanks


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

I guess DNAing the kids would be one thing to do.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Jeez, sorry you are faced with this sadness. Now, you referred to the four year old as "my boy." But is she the mother? I see you say you've been together for 21 years, so don't know how she could not be the mother, but just the way you put it made me wonder. So that's her child? If so, I mean, she can't legally just abandon her child. You would need a lawyer. She would also need to pay support if she gives the child up to you and it's her child. 

It's terribly cruel when someone betrays you with your own friend. It has happened to me, but not in marriage at least. It is awful losing two people at once that way and just the reality that if they will do it to you, you can't trust anyone at all. So sorry.


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## shawndwyer070 (Nov 14, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Jeez, sorry you are faced with this sadness. Now, you referred to the four year old as "my boy." But is she the mother? I see you say you've been together for 21 years, so don't know how she could not be the mother, but just the way you put it made me wonder. So that's her child? If so, I mean, she can't legally just abandon her child. You would need a lawyer. She would also need to pay support if she gives the child up to you and it's her child.
> 
> It's terribly cruel when someone betrays you with your own friend. It has happened to me, but not in marriage at least. It is awful losing two people at once that way and just the reality that if they will do it to you, you can't trust anyone at all. So sorry.


thanks for eply


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## shawndwyer070 (Nov 14, 2021)

hi i dont need a dna on the 3 kids i have, as i know for a fact they i are mine ,yes all kids are ours ,she has nether been unfaithale in 21 years thats why this has hit me so hard ,thankyou so much to the people from the usa,but in england we have different laws,sometimes i wish i lived in your country ,i just want to know why after 21 years ,for my own peice of mind would a women do this always faithfull


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

shawndwyer070 said:


> hi i dont need a dna on the 3 kids i have, as i know for a fact they i are mine ,yes all kids are ours ,she has nether been unfaithale in 21 years thats why this has hit me so hard ,thankyou so much to the people from the usa,but in england we have different laws,sometimes i wish i lived in your country ,i just want to know why after 21 years ,for my own peice of mind would a women do this always faithfull


why?
basically she fell in love with this other guy, the sex hormones kicked in and she is in some sort of romantic fog. You are last weeks tv show, and the kids are just a drag with all the work to raise them. things would be "so much better" she thinks if she leaves you and the kids for someone she truly loves!

that is what she is thinking.

the reality is she is now a cheater, and is still burdened down with one NEW child to raise. she is not married to the OM, and odds are he will just dump her soon. then the romantic fog she is living in will break, and she will come crawling back to you.


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## shawndwyer070 (Nov 14, 2021)

thanks for the reply talker67


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Cut off all contact and get on with your life.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

shawndwyer070 said:


> please bear in mind that while all this was going on she would say i love you every day,my head is about to burst please offer some advice ,people say do something to take your mind of her but all i can think about is the betrayle,i was 19 when we met,how can someone turn there back on so much history,to have my friend s baby who she has known for like 6months thanks in advance shawn


All cheaters lie a lot. Her words aren’t worth crap. Her actions are what count.
No one can make you a chump unless you allow it.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

shawndwyer070 said:


> hi i dont need a dna on the 3 kids i have, as i know for a fact they i are mine ,yes all kids are ours ,she has nether been unfaithale in 21 years thats why this has hit me so hard ,thankyou so much to the people from the usa,but in england we have different laws,sometimes i wish i lived in your country ,i just want to know why after 21 years ,for my own peice of mind would a women do this always faithfull


How do you know she was never unfaithful before? She managed to hide an affair with your "friend" as well as a pregnancy and has proven she can effectively lie to you.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Another thing to consider -- DOCUMENT the fact that she left, no contact with the kids (document ANY time she HAS contacted them). This may help you in child custody when you Divorce.


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## shawndwyer070 (Nov 14, 2021)

thanks every one


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

OP, some women are wired wrong. I am talking specifically about the ones who would abandon their kids. My brother's ex walked out on him and their son when the son was a 15 month old baby. He'll be 21 years old next month and hasn't seen her since. Get full custody and leave her where she is. She's not worth being with or pining over.


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