# Brithday Dilemma - what to do... advice?



## confused007 (Dec 2, 2009)

Before I describe my dilemma, I want to give a brief history of where I am... My husband and I are currently separated (for the past 4 months). We have been married over 15 years. I still love him, but have been trying to give him room. I don't know if we will work it out. We don't talk as if we will reconcile. We separated because he is unhappy (in a nutshell I don't know if his issues with me are real or if he is seeing someone). We still live in the same home (he sleeps in the guest room). We are trying to remain "friends" for the sake of our 10 yr. old son. We both seem to be having a hard time letting go completely (emotionally) and often get in heated discussions about our relationship and what went wrong. For the most part, we are currently getting along and our life routine has not changed much. We still do day to day things the same & spend time together as a family (which makes it hard to emotionally detach). He recently stated that our son and I are the only people he really has in his life... So with that being said... here is my dilemma:

He is turing 40 in few weeks and I am not sure how to handle that. Am I suposed to throw him a party to celebrate it? All of our friends know our status... would that be weird if I hosted his Big 40th b-day party? Should I even do that? I mean, we are separated... but, on the other hand we are friends. Would it make HIM feel awkward? Would our friends think that weird? I don't want to NOT do anything for his big day - but I don't want to make too light of it either, by just taking him out to dinner with our son... It is his 40th and my family ususally makes a big thing out of it.. He does not have any family (one brother, but not close) so I know nobody else would do anything for him. He has a few close friends, but I don't think they would be willing to jump in...

What do you think I should do, to show I care about his big day (without being awkward)... Help?? advice??


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

I would talk to him about what he wants or how it would make him feel.


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## confused007 (Dec 2, 2009)

Thanks, lost - I was thinking about that too, but I figured he would just play it down and say "nothing" and then I would still be in the same boat... it is driving me crazy.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Confused007,

Sure it is his birthdat and a milestone. But don't about his feelings right now. What do you want to do? My W's b-day is the 21st. We are seperated and going through mediation. All I'm doing is buying her a card for my son and a present for him to give her and just sending a non-descript happy birthday card to her from me.

Cause that is all I want to do.


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