# Recovering addict marriage too stressful



## tm1988 (Mar 27, 2012)

I am a 23 year old male and I have been clean for almost 3 years now. I used from the time i was 15 till I was 21. Staying clean hasn't been easy but it has never been this hard.

I've been married for a year and a half now. I work a very stressful job (military) that takes me away from home for roughly 6 months a year. Ever since I've been married I've had to man up and support my very depressed wife (she hid it very well before marriage and let it out after a few weeks after getting hitched). I've told her numerous times she needed help and I would be there for her the entire way because I've been there and it sucks going it alone. The problem is my wife will not seek help. After awhile I couldn't take it anymore and I told her if she didn't get help I'd walk out on her. To my surprise she actually scheduled an appointment and showed up to it. 

I know she didn't tell the doctor the truth though because if she did he wouldn't have let her walk out without meds or without scheduling another app at the very least. She constantly tells me she wants to die (generally 5+ times a week), she claws her body up when she gets sad and hurts herself, and when she's upset (about 50% of the time) she will not talk to me or let me know what is going on. She has also given up on getting anymore help after one single appointment. I feel like it's something I'm doing to cause this and I'd fix it if I just knew what it was...but she won't tell me.

Her depression has affected our marriage in every single aspect possible. Sex happens maybe once a week...we don't talk for 1-3 days fairly often (every single week sometimes multiple times a week)...she doesn't have a job or do much of anything like cleaning or cooking..she just sits on the couch surfing facebook and crying all day. Generally I come home from work or deployments to a house fit for a ****roach. 

I love my wife still but I feel like she is truly selfish and immature..as time goes on I love her less and less. The stress she is putting on me feels beyond measure and I'm becoming more and more depressed everyday. At this point in time I can't see anyway to cope with the problem except for using again or walking out. I have tried everything from talking to her to changing up my living habits (just to see if I was the one causing the problems).


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You are the same age as my oldest son 

DO NOT start using again. You quit for YOU. Not for her. If you start using again, she wins.

If giving her an ultimatum worked before, then do it again. And this time tell her she needs LONG TERM treatment or you're gone. You cannot continue to support someone who does everything they can to knock the foundations out every time you put them there.


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