# My experience with my adulterous wife



## Nick Garai (5 mo ago)

Hi, everyone. I was married to a young woman eight years younger than me. We were having financial problems so I went to work in the Alberta oil patch. We had two very young children. I left and while I was gone to work sending money home to my family she wouldn’t pick up the phone for me when I called home frequently to see how things were going and to tell her I loved her and the children. In an email she once told me to stay in Alberta as long as I can. So I stayed there for almost two years. She came and visited once for a week. I was having difficulties working in the patch. I am not built to be a heavy labourer. After a while I was wondering why she was so hard to get a hold of. I decided to drive home from Edmonton to Vancouver (actually Langley) on a surprise visit. I arrived unannounced where she was staying. Her g/f called her to tell her I was there. Her g/f said to me she couldn’t handle it anymore. I came back the next day and my wife was there. We went inside and another man’s young son was sleeping on our bed. It was a man I knew was friends with us. My wife and our children and I went out for sushi. There she sat across from me with our young children on either side of her. She told me she wanted a divorce, she had fallen out of love with me, she was seeing someone else and that I needed to start writing out my will. It hit me like a hammer. I returned to the oil patch in Alberta for a few more months then decided to come back to Langley and stayed with my father in Fort Langley. I had s diffivilt time. I left to save my family and I instead my family gave up on me. It was like going to fight a war to save your country only to find out when you return home your country surrendered to the enemy long ago - you fought for nothing.

Anyhow, I eventually found a couple of jobs and s basement suite in Abbotsford. I would see my children every weekend. We had so much fun for the short time we were together each week. They stayed with me for the weekend. My son and daughter accepted Jesus as there friend so they became saved at 4 and 3 years of age. Later on my wife’s common-law husband told me that he wanted my daughter yo stop talking about Jesus around them. I reluctantly told my daughter to stop mentioningJesus around her mother and him. On another occasion I picked up my three year old son and there was a bruise running vertically down his eye. My wife told me he was rocking back and forth and hit his face on a toy box. When I took my son I went to a doctor and told my son to tell the doctor what happened. My son said, “Eye, Blair, fire truck”. I was so mad. The two stories were not matching up. Later on, my mental health had deteriorated and I really felt anger towards him. I made a couple of aggressive phone calls tomt Wife and her parents. I told her I was coming over to her and his dadplace to pick up my files they were holding onto. Before work finished two police cars wereat my work but there was no encounter. I went to a thrift shop and bought two long kitchen knives. I then drove over to their home, knocked on the door and asked to have my files. He refused and told me to leave. I returned to my vehicle, picked up the knives and broke down the garage door. I found the filing cabinet a looked through it but there was no files. He entered the garage picked up a shovel and started striking me with it. We got into a fight, I knocked him down and held the knives to his sides. A neighbour came in and I got rid of one knife. I kept yelling at him “Where are my files” and then I yelled at him “Why did you take my wife!!!” He responded saying “You left her”. Three police officers entered with theirrevolvers drawn pointing at me and was shouting at him “Where are my files” and the three police were shouting at me “Drop the knife!!!” This went on for a little while then I surrendered to them. I eventually was charged with attempted murder, break and entry and assault with a weapon causing bodily harm. I plead guilty to all charges and received a sentence of six-and-a-half years in federal prison. While in prison, I went to a prison psychiatric hospital voluntarily to receive counseling. While I was in the prison hospital they certified me. I deteriorated in mental health in a hospital. While I was certified I was suddenly and without any warning summoned to divorce court. I did not receive any letter from s lawyer or even that I needed a lawyer. My wife’s lawyer told the judge to give a divorce on the grounds of abandonment. The divorce was grantedfor abandonment. As well I received a lifetime no contact order against me. Later, I was again summoned to court while certified mentally I’ll without notice or being told I needed s lawyer. A lawyer representing my ex-wife petitioned the judge to give my ex-wife full custody of our children because I failed as a father. It was granted by the judge. As well I was not allowed to see me children unless a social worker was present. 

While I was in prison, after my family was destroyed, I spoke with my father on the range phone and he told me that my ex-wife cheated on him with another man and she with her new third man went to Edmonton. The man even had a daughter with my ex-wife and she took her away with her new husband. 😆. I later found out she had three more children with her third man. She has six children from three men. She is something else!! 

There was a few other things however they aren’t all that important to mention. I actually am glad she is out of my life however I missed my children growing up. I haven’t seen them since 2004 and they are practically adults now.

I don’t know where they live aside from in Edmonton.

In Canada, judges approve of adultery as an acceptable way to start a new relationship. It is non-violent and as acceptable as a non-adulterous relationship. Committing violence in Canada even if your partner betrays you is not an acceptable reason to be violent. I learned a very hard and painful lesson.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Nick Garai said:


> Committing violence in Canada even if your partner betrays you is not an acceptable reason to be violent. I learned a very hard and painful lesson.


do you agree with the statement above ,
that is not an acceptable reason to be violent?


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## Nick Garai (5 mo ago)

Yes. I do. Adultery is a peaceful way of starting a relationship.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Nick Garai said:


> Yes. I do. Adultery is a peaceful way of starting a relationship.


 well I don't think it is a peaceful way to start a relationship , to me it is a violent act and deceitful , it does not justify an other act of valance, 

THE only justifiable violent act is self protection , 

you lost your children because you did a stupid thing driven by many things all of which you have talk to pros with so i don't have to bring that up again as I am not pro


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## Nick Garai (5 mo ago)

I agree. It wasn’t a wise decision to commit an act of violence. I would never take another man’s wife. It is regrettable, however, it was a painful lesson to learn.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Nick Garai said:


> Hi, everyone. I was married to a young woman eight years younger than me. We were having financial problems so I went to work in the Alberta oil patch. We had two very young children. I left and while I was gone to work sending money home to my family she wouldn’t pick up the phone for me when I called home frequently to see how things were going and to tell her I loved her and the children. In an email she once told me to stay in Alberta as long as I can. So I stayed there for almost two years. She came and visited once for a week. I was having difficulties working in the patch. I am not built to be a heavy labourer. After a while I was wondering why she was so hard to get a hold of. I decided to drive home from Edmonton to Vancouver (actually Langley) on a surprise visit. I arrived unannounced where she was staying. Her g/f called her to tell her I was there. Her g/f said to me she couldn’t handle it anymore. I came back the next day and my wife was there. We went inside and another man’s young son was sleeping on our bed. It was a man I knew was friends with us. My wife and our children and I went out for sushi. There she sat across from me with our young children on either side of her. She told me she wanted a divorce, she had fallen out of love with me, she was seeing someone else and that I needed to start writing out my will. It hit me like a hammer. I returned to the oil patch in Alberta for a few more months then decided to come back to Langley and stayed with my father in Fort Langley. I had s diffivilt time. I left to save my family and I instead my family gave up on me. It was like going to fight a war to save your country only to find out when you return home your country surrendered to the enemy long ago - you fought for nothing.
> 
> Anyhow, I eventually found a couple of jobs and s basement suite in Abbotsford. I would see my children every weekend. We had so much fun for the short time we were together each week. They stayed with me for the weekend. My son and daughter accepted Jesus as there friend so they became saved at 4 and 3 years of age. Later on my wife’s common-law husband told me that he wanted my daughter yo stop talking about Jesus around them. I reluctantly told my daughter to stop mentioningJesus around her mother and him. On another occasion I picked up my three year old son and there was a bruise running vertically down his eye. My wife told me he was rocking back and forth and hit his face on a toy box. When I took my son I went to a doctor and told my son to tell the doctor what happened. My son said, “Eye, Blair, fire truck”. I was so mad. The two stories were not matching up. Later on, my mental health had deteriorated and I really felt anger towards him. I made a couple of aggressive phone calls tomt Wife and her parents. I told her I was coming over to her and his dadplace to pick up my files they were holding onto. Before work finished two police cars wereat my work but there was no encounter. I went to a thrift shop and bought two long kitchen knives. I then drove over to their home, knocked on the door and asked to have my files. He refused and told me to leave. I returned to my vehicle, picked up the knives and broke down the garage door. I found the filing cabinet a looked through it but there was no files. He entered the garage picked up a shovel and started striking me with it. We got into a fight, I knocked him down and held the knives to his sides. A neighbour came in and I got rid of one knife. I kept yelling at him “Where are my files” and then I yelled at him “Why did you take my wife!!!” He responded saying “You left her”. Three police officers entered with theirrevolvers drawn pointing at me and was shouting at him “Where are my files” and the three police were shouting at me “Drop the knife!!!” This went on for a little while then I surrendered to them. I eventually was charged with attempted murder, break and entry and assault with a weapon causing bodily harm. I plead guilty to all charges and received a sentence of six-and-a-half years in federal prison. While in prison, I went to a prison psychiatric hospital voluntarily to receive counseling. While I was in the prison hospital they certified me. I deteriorated in mental health in a hospital. While I was certified I was suddenly and without any warning summoned to divorce court. I did not receive any letter from s lawyer or even that I needed a lawyer. My wife’s lawyer told the judge to give a divorce on the grounds of abandonment. The divorce was grantedfor abandonment. As well I received a lifetime no contact order against me. Later, I was again summoned to court while certified mentally I’ll without notice or being told I needed s lawyer. A lawyer representing my ex-wife petitioned the judge to give my ex-wife full custody of our children because I failed as a father. It was granted by the judge. As well I was not allowed to see me children unless a social worker was present.
> 
> ...


The courts could care less about adultery. 

Violence solves nothing constructively. Certainly as you have learned not without consequences.

Your wife was a practiced manipulator. Unfortunately you played into her hands.

My trajectory could have easily matched yours. I suffered false allegations and loss of custody. I chose to let go when I recognized the game my ex wife was playing. I was young enough to have other kids, start over.

I hope you have found peace.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I am sursprised that your lawyer did not use mental abuse as grounds for your out burst, what your wife did and what your ex friend did to you is clearly mental abuse....you can hire a PI investigator to track down your kids, since they are adults the courts can't stand in the way unless they themselves order a restaint against you.


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

@Nick Garai 

Men are mostly not good at playing mental games specially when it comes to women and relationship. your first mistake and this not towards you but anyone who is going through similar situation
1- you should've not left for two years without either visiting often or brining the kids to see you - specially in the western world. 
2- you should've suspected when your wife wouldn't pick up the phone or made excuses not to visit or pushing to stay there.
3- you failed at her game by acting violent. had you asked your father, church, or lawyer for an advise before your violent act you could have had a full custody of your kids. 

you children are adult now but that doesn't mean you cant be part of their lives and be there for them. 

since they are adult, what do they think about what happened to you?


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## Nick Garai (5 mo ago)

Well, I think my wife was very manipulative. I am actually glad she is out of my life however I feel really bad for our children. I wouldn’t do that again. I know hindsight is 20/20. I don’t know if I really want to get into another relationship especially with a woman from the Western world. I know that sounds like stereotyping all women however even the most godly women know they have legal license and freedom to cheat. Forty or fifty years ago maybe faithfulness was more important. Today, the West is not about faithfulness, commitment, covenant but more like disposable relationships. I don’t harbour any Ill-feelings towards her today. I personally think she was planning her moves all along and I was naive believing in love. Also she was too young to get married with and there were signs earlier in our relationship of infidelity. I cast a blind eye and kept forgiving her. Stupid me.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

thank you for posting here it shows how it is important to think things through before acting , your biggest loss was the time you lost with your kids and the bad name she has given you , 

rebuilding your life is going to be hard and reconnecting with your kids


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

Nick Garai said:


> I personally think she was planning her moves all along and I was naive believing in love. Also she was too young to get married with and there were signs earlier in our relationship of infidelity. I cast a blind eye and kept forgiving her. Stupid me.


I know a woman who was married in her teens. She is doing fine as a wife and faithful to her husband.

It comes down to HOW a woman is raised and tutored in her formative years by her parents in large part. Religious schooling can be very helpful as well.

Unfortunately for you, your ex-wife wasn't "marriage material" to begin with. You have admitted that you overlooked signs of infidelity early in your relationship (post # 9). You went to work in the Alberta oil patch to support your family and she told you to stay there because she was cheating on you by then [if not earlier].

Your 'mistake' was that you chose to confront the Other Man (OM) in a manner that backfired on you instead. You should have consulted a lawyer to help you retrieve those "files."

You did not had a lawyer to represent you in a court either? Your wife's lawyer was calling the shots there? You could not afford a lawyer? Why the court did not grant you legal representation in these proceedings? You pleaded guilty to all charges on your own?

It looks like the Canadian legal system have utterly failed you _but_ the one true GOD can be willing to deliver justice even in this world when your faith in him is firm and reach out to him for help and guidance in your prayers. And his way of doing justice is most satisfying.

This for instance:



Nick Garai said:


> While I was in prison, after my family was destroyed, I spoke with my father on the range phone and he told me that my ex-wife cheated on him with another man and she with her new third man went to Edmonton. The man even had a daughter with my ex-wife and she took her away with her new husband. 😆. I later found out she had three more children with her third man. She has six children from three men. She is something else!!


She ditched the OM for yet another man and took his child with her as well. Justice is served for HIM to say the least. Now he knows for sure how you felt.

-----

As far as your children are concerned, give each a call and see how it goes.



Nick Garai said:


> I don’t know if I really want to get into another relationship especially with a woman from the Western world. I know that sounds like stereotyping all women however even the most godly women know they have legal license and freedom to cheat. Forty or fifty years ago maybe faithfulness was more important. Today, the West is not about faithfulness, commitment, covenant but more like disposable relationships.


Indeed.

Adultery [should be] admissible grounds for defense and arguments in a court. The law should also allow a judge to decide HOW to punish adultery when it is established in the court proceedings with incriminating information and/or eye-witnesses. Better this than nothing.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

LeGenDary_Man said:


> Adultery [should be] admissible grounds for defense and arguments in a court. The law should also allow a judge to decide HOW to punish adultery when it is established in the court proceedings with incriminating information and/or eye-witnesses. Better this than nothing.


this is a very good point ,


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## Nick Garai (5 mo ago)

For divorce and family court I just suddenly had to appear in court. I did not receive any letter, phone call, visit from a lawyer - nothing. I was certified mentally I’ll coincidentally at that time however I should still have received some kind of forewarning to retain legal counsel. It is a mystery to me. I guess maybe being both a federal prisoner and certified mentally Ill disqualifies someone from retaining legal counsel in Canada. 

I n my criminal court trial Idid not have a lawyer representing me because of some “coercion” to not retain legal counsel occurring from another inmate in remand custody. There is a little more backstory to my arrest and conviction.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Not sure if there’s a question here, but I guess it conserve as a cautionary tale, on the number of levels.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ain't no one alive worth that. Better to just leave. Seriously the amount of value people put on other people who are clearly worth less then garbage astounds me.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Lostinthought61 said:


> I am sursprised that your lawyer did not use mental abuse as grounds for your out burst, what your wife did and what your ex friend did to you is clearly mental abuse....you can hire a PI investigator to track down your kids, since they are adults the courts can't stand in the way unless they themselves order a restaint against you.


Would not have mattered what OPs lawyer argued. It would have been in vain. Maybe the courts do something in your patch, but not up here.

Child services and the courts automatically side with the mother. No investigation required. I heard this directly from child services when I attempted to set the record straight as far as my ex wife's narrative. When I made my appearance in court for the custody hearing the judge did not ask to hear my side of events. He simply made the ruling in my ex wife's favor.

A father's right to visitation, supervised or otherwise is not enforced in Canada. This I heard directly from my lawyer. The mother can choose to reneg on the visitation agreement and deny access to the children as often as she likes without consequence or penalty. A father has no rights save on paper fit to be used in a bathroom stall.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

LeGenDary_Man said:


> I know a woman who was married in her teens. She is doing fine as a wife and faithful to her husband.
> 
> It comes down to HOW a woman is raised and tutored in her formative years by her parents in large part. Religious schooling can be very helpful as well.
> 
> ...


The Canadian legal system fails every father in family court.


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