# he doesn't call



## panda1965 (Mar 22, 2012)

My husband and I have been together for eight years and married for five. We have an adult daughter (mine) and a fourteen year old daughter (his initially, but mine now) and we are a close knit family.

Our family has been blended since 2006. 

We are all a little neurotic due to our pasts; my late husband was an alcoholic that died in 2002 and Bill's ex wife committed suicide two years ago. 

Bill and I joke that we're perfect for each other because we're both a little needy. If he's off doing something in another room I'll follow him in, maybe ask for a kiss then move on. He'll do the same thing. We laugh together a lot. We still hold hands out in public.

We used to work together and I miss that, but at least we're in the same industry - so we have a lot in common. 

Here's my only issue of late: Since I was laid off and found work at another company, he has been terrible about calling me, returning a call to me, or answering any texts. 

(DISCLAIMER: Since getting skewered at another site, I think I should let you know that I do not expect him to text while driving, talk while driving, talk while trying to get some work done, or talk when he's not supposed to be talking)

He works very long hours which leaves very little time to co-ordinate our banking, Drs and dentists appointments. Many times per day he is out of his truck (medical deliveries) and he often takes meal breaks, bathroom breaks and smoke breaks.

It is during these times that I would like a call back or a text back to make a plan, pay a bill or book an appointment, but once he gets back in his truck and turns on Sirius Radio, I don't hear from him.

He'll get home at 7 pm and then it's too late to do anything. It's not only disappointing that he hasn't replied or called, sometimes it's expensive because payments bounce and NSF fees pile up. I don't bring it up each time because I don't want to seem like a nag, but then I'll let it go and build resentment.

Any advice?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Did he text and call you all the time before you found this other job? Or did he not have to to keep the communication flowing? Why do you think he won't do it?


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Perhaps he no longer feels the need to connect with you multiple times per day, whereas you still need that connection to feel comfortable. 

You don't want to turn into a pain in the butt or a nag, so talking to him about it calmly may be the best medicine. He sounds like a good man, it just may be he is busy and growing away from the neediness. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps you should try doing the same. Baby steps of course. What you two have been through with ex partners, the need to hear from your spouse more often than not is perfectly understandable!


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

Hello 
Did you talk about this with your husband? Did you let your feelings talk?
How do you feel face to this changment? Any fears? Any lake of control maybe? Any insecurity?
How would you like to feel?
For myself, I see co-independence in here. Can you see that? It doesn't mean that your husband love you less if he communicates less with you. Maybe it was too excessive before, and now it's more normal; I don't know...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It's a habit. He didn't have to before because you worked together. It's just programming. Reinforce it each and every time he contacts you. Really turn up the chipper and happy. Create a new habit.


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## koolasma (Mar 11, 2012)

ignore him 
definetly he'll then


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Stop calling and texting him so much.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Can you discuss those things when he get's home after he's settled in? Perhaps plan for the following day when you are able to take care of the things you need and you already have whatever input you might need from him. 

I understand needing input from him to do the things you need to get done, and I'm sure it's frustrating not getting any answers from him when you need it. Are the doc appts for him? I would make a list of things I need answers to and discuss it with my H when we get home.


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