# How do you get your wife to drop the lbs?



## He'sallright (Mar 8, 2012)

Ok, here's a brief background on our current situation:
1. We're in our early 30's.
2. Married 3 years.
3. No Kids.
4. Doing well. Financially, socially, etc.
5. I'm in great shape, and workout everyday. 
6. She's borderline obese... and very much preoccupied with Tv and her smart phone. :-/
7. Our sex life is not so hot... Once a month, at best!
8. She's not wanting kids soon-- she wants them YESTERDAY! Her biological clock is ticking up a storm.
9. I want kids, too. However, our intimacy and her health are less than ideal.
10. I love her and i have no plans on leaving, but I feel like my options are running out.

I've been trying for the past couple of years to get her motivated to lose weight, but it seems I've only managed to irritate her and frustrate myself. I've never been direct or blunt with her about it for fear of hurting her feelings. Instead, I've dropped subtle hints and suggestions here and there. I've always searched for the best words, and have tried coming up with clever ideas to get her involved in some kind of exercise. Nothing has really worked... FYI: She was once very petite and fit. This is something that has crept into her life in the past several years.

It may be that straight forward and direct are the only things will work. I am willing to step up to the plate and give it to her straight, but I feel like I need some more advice on how to this. I mean... If you're going to drop the bomb, then it needs to be a precision operation. I definitely don't wanna to have to come back and drop it again. And I don't want a whole lotta collateral damage. Make sense?

I am ready for kids!!! ...but not with our current situation being what it is. Does anyone have any suggestions? Were you, or are you currently, in my shoes?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

He'sallright said:


> Ok, here's a brief background on our current situation:
> 1. We're in our early 30's.
> 2. Married 3 years.
> 3. No Kids.
> ...


Quite frankly sir, you are not asking the right questions. You are trying to get your wife to change her behavior, but WHAT you really want is for your wife to take responsibility for her own happiness. She thinks children will bring her out of her current struggle. She may be correct, children will give her a sense of purpose, AND a cause upon which the effort she invests will be rewarded by positive affirmations from all those around her. She is looking for something outside herself, but the happiness she seeks can only be found by looking inward. 

Has your wife suffered a great loss in the last few years? You job as a husband is to support her without enabling or rescuing her. My gut tells me if this has been going on for more than 6 months, some level of professional intervention (IC) will be beneficial. Kindest Regards-


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Ugly situation. You have to tell her. Just approach it with obvious dread and humility. No threats (like no kids), no talk of leaving her or whatnot. I would pretty much start with exactly how I feel about it. 

“Honey, I know this isn’t politically correct, or anything but selfish thoughts, but it’s been bothering me a long time now and I don’t know how to resolve this in myself. I just don’t like the weight you put on. I’ve tried (list it off). I don’t feel I have any right to ask you to do anything like this and I really don’t want you to be insulted... but I do accept that you will be. I’m just unable to resolve this myself and am asking for your help or at least get your thoughts on it so I might find a way to resolve this. It is my problem. Can you help me or have you considered yourself this issue? Talk to me please; It is hard for me to open up like this when I know I’ll probably hurt your feelings. I really don’t want to.”


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## NatureDave (Feb 19, 2013)

Become involved and supportive in her weight loss...

Make going to the gym or any type exercise something you do together.

Plan and cook healthy meals together. Make it fun, go the store (or even better, the farmer's market) together and gather the ingredients.

You workout everyday and it's easy for her to feel like she's competing with you as far as getting healthy is concerned. She knows she can't compete, so she's totally unmotivated to try.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

OMG do not have kids with her. You have way more problems than her weight and kids will only make this worse.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

If she gets pregnant now, add on at least another 30 lbs that she'll probably never, ever lose.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Ultimatums won't help, and encouragement seldom seems to either. Perhaps use her high priority goal to motivate her? Say you'll agree to trying for children when she reaches X weight. If she wants more than one child, say that you expect her to return to Y after the first, or perhaps not gain more than a certain amount during pregnancy (per doctor recommendation) else you will probably not agree to another.

But, since you're not having much sex anyway, she's not likely to get pregnant anytime soon. Of course, once she does, and unless and until she wants another, you probably won't get any sex. 

I'd want major changes in the relationship before moving forward, and having had (and learned from) an unsatisfying marriage before, would probably leave now if I were in your situation.


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## He'sallright (Mar 8, 2012)

Jung_admirer said:


> Quite frankly sir, you are not asking the right questions. You are trying to get your wife to change her behavior, but WHAT you really want is for your wife to take responsibility for her own happiness. She thinks children will bring her out of her current struggle. She may be correct, children will give her a sense of purpose, AND a cause upon which the effort she invests will be rewarded by positive affirmations from all those around her. She is looking for something outside herself, but the happiness she seeks can only be found by looking inward.
> 
> Has your wife suffered a great loss in the last few years? You job as a husband is to support her without enabling or rescuing her. My gut tells me if this has been going on for more than 6 months, some level of professional intervention (IC) will be beneficial. Kindest Regards-


I agree with your first paragraph. I am much more concerned with her taking charge of her happiness than her changing her behavior. Thanks for helping me to make that clear.  

I can't think of any recent trauma. Nothing that's out of ordinary or that isn't just part the everyday hum-drum life. To be honest, I think the problem is that she didn't have a good balanced diet growing up. Ya know... Mac and cheese, chicken tenders, and all of the typical "kid friendly" food choices were the norm. When she was younger, and more active, her diet didn't impact her because she was much more active. Now that she's older, and no longer active, eating poorly has caught up with her. 

I think it's a cycle. The more she packs on; the less interested she is in doing something about it. I can understand that... exercising while being overweight is rough. You sweat like hell, you're achey, and you get winded easily. No fun. If you're spouse is light years ahead of you in regards to fitness, then that can be pretty intimidating as well. However, once you're in a marriage and have a family, I think ya gotta suck it up and do what's best for you and your loved ones. Set aside what you feel and focus on what you know to be right. Agree?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

He'sallright said:


> However, once you're in a marriage and have a family, I think ya gotta suck it up and do what's best for you and your loved ones. Set aside what you feel and focus on what you know to be right. Agree?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Notwithstanding a medical issue (ie. Hypothyroidism), the weight gain is only a symptom of an underlying issue. If you want to do what right is for her and your family ... deal with that issue and the symptoms will subside over time.

I know you are frustrated that you do not know what this issue is. Your wife may not know either. So how do you persuade your partner to take care of herself? You reassure her of your love and commitment. You share your deepest emotional feelings how her inaction is affecting you ... the fear, the desperation, the loneliness. Then you ask her for what you want, and if she asks you to help, you give it.

Some people on this board will tell you to use the 2x4. It might work as some have demonstrated. Fear is a very powerful motivator, but you must take care to use it in a constructive way. 

1) Lose 50 lbs or I am out of here
2) Enter IC and take care of yourself or I am out of here

The first option will fail, the latter might be successful. Still, I would lead with a loving approach and reserve the 2x4 as a last option. Many disagree with me, to each his own. Kindest Regards-


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I like the above advice from Jung admirer. However, it can require a huge effort, commitment, and patience, and even then may not produce the results you desire. Still, if you can do this, at most you lose time, and gain the self-respect of having given it your best try.


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## He'sallright (Mar 8, 2012)

Jung_admirer said:


> Notwithstanding a medical issue (ie. Hypothyroidism), the weight gain is only a symptom of an underlying issue. If you want to do what right is for her and your family ... deal with that issue and the symptoms will subside over time.
> 
> I know you are frustrated that you do not know what this issue is. Your wife may not know either. So how do you persuade your partner to take care of herself? You reassure her of your love and commitment. You share your deepest emotional feelings how her inaction is affecting you ... the fear, the desperation, the loneliness. Then you ask her for what you want, and if she asks you to help, you give it.
> 
> ...


I agree with you in principle. However, I am having a hard time envisioning how I am going to tackle whatever underlying issue might be there. I feel like I've already done a lot to try and remedy this situation. I've tried to lead by example, I've encouraged, I've dropped subtle hints, I've tried coming up with creative solutions.... The thought of going down deep into our feelings regarding our problems seems a bit scary, sad to say. I've done that sorta thing with previous relationships, and there were times when it completely and totally backfired. In one case, it gave my significant other the opportunity to level some pretty absurd accusations against me. She shifted blame for something that was her responsibility, constantly. She rarely owned up to her ****. I don't think my wife is anything like my ex but, given the sensitive nature of the subject, I think my apprehension is well founded. A lot of folks hate talking about their weight. Period. Some will duck, dive shuck and jive their way out of it.

I am what you would call a stoic "pull yourself up by your own boot straps" kind of guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

yuck ,


she lazy now and all she dose is watch tv and play on her phone. you guys only have sex 1 a month.

if it were me I would be out of there before you have children then you will have sex 1 a year and you will be doing the lions share of the work and she most likely will be even fatter.

sorry to be so blunt but seriously I would think long and hard if I wer e you!


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## He'sallright (Mar 8, 2012)

Racer said:


> Ugly situation. You have to tell her. Just approach it with obvious dread and humility. No threats (like no kids), no talk of leaving her or whatnot. I would pretty much start with exactly how I feel about it.


Good advice, I think. However, the part about "dread" feels like it's a bit much.  lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## He'sallright (Mar 8, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> if it were me I would be out of there before you have children then you will have sex 1 a year and you will be doing the lions share of the work and she most likely will be even fatter.
> 
> sorry to be so blunt but seriously I would think long and hard if I wer e you!


Like I said, I am not planning on leaving. Despite our problem, we actually love and care about each other very much. I can't imagine being with anyone else. I think there's still hope to turn it around. She's beautiful. At some point, however, she got into a sedentary style.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

This seems so common in women. The tv , phone , weight. 
l went through the weight thing with mine , don't envy ya. Because if she's only early 30's , no kids and can't look after herself or show any spark and interest in you guys now, she won't have a hope on all fronts after having kids l'm afraid .
My x was in great shape till 37 , but then she just became too lazy to look after herself or do anything at all much cept shopping and work.
She did go on hard diets when she'd find the mojo and she'd do really well. She'd just start looking really good again and fall of the wagon , every time.
l tried every approach invented , no luck.


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## He'sallright (Mar 8, 2012)

whitehawk said:


> This seems so common in women. The tv , phone , weight.
> l went through the weight thing with mine , don't envy ya. Because if she's only early 30's , no kids and can't look after herself or show any spark and interest in you guys now, she won't have a hope on all fronts after having kids l'm afraid .
> My x was in great shape till 37 , but then she just became too lazy to look after herself or do anything at all much cept shopping and work.



That's my fear... I can't help but wonder if kids would be the proverbial "final nail in the coffin" regarding her health and our intimacy. Right now, it feels like it's on the cusp. It could go either way for her. She could get her wake up call and rebound to a healthy life with relatively less effort, or she could continue spiraling and really have her work cut out for her later on. (Assuming she even tries, at all.) Another poster mentioned earlier, and i happen to agree, that kids should wait until these issues get sorted... Based on the responses I've gotten so far, as well as the past couple of years, the likelihood of that happening seems pretty bleak. What did you try with your ex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

He'sallright said:


> That's my fear... I can't help but wonder if kids would be the proverbial "final nail in the coffin" regarding her health and our intimacy. _Posted via Mobile Device_


No need to wonder. The odds, based on collective real life experiences, are about 20 TO 1 that it will be what you fear. Not trying to be overly dramatic, but it's a pretty normal pattern. If she has kids, odds are very much that she'll wrap herself herself in the "I'm a mommy now flag" and you'll find yourself even more distant from her as her focuses shift away from you and your relationship, to the new arrival.


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## He'sallright (Mar 8, 2012)

Anubis said:


> No need to wonder. The odds, based on collective real life experiences, are about 20 TO 1 that it will be what you fear. Not trying to be overly dramatic, but it's a pretty normal pattern. If she has kids, odds are very much that she'll wrap herself herself in the "I'm a mommy now flag" and you'll find yourself even more distant from her as her focuses shift away from you and your relationship, to the new arrival.


Wow... You make a good point about the whole "mommy flag" dilemma. I'm thinking about an old college buddy who is going through that right now with his wife. His wife, who is typically a real nice and friendly lady, consistently pulls the mommy/baby card on him in protest for just about anything he wants to do. Some of it, in all fairness, is legit. Some of it, in all honesty, is just an absurd excuse or opportunity for her to lord over their lives. Total power trip! lol! That's been my observation...

So, getting back to my initial question, how do I constructively drop the bomb? That seems like a horrible oxymoron... Ha! By drop the bomb i mean getting her to take charge of her health/happiness and losing the weight. I'm convinced that parenthood is out of the question until her health and our intimacy improves, but I don't plan on leaving her. I love her. So, everyone, let's stop offering that up as a solution. I am stuck at an impasse...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

Well holding a gun to her head and threatening her are not the way to go IMO, she needs love, encouragement and support.

I would suggest a calm conversation with her, telling her how much you would love to have children but that with her weight issues it would not be a good idea at the moment. Being pregnant, having a baby and then caring for that baby day and night, then running after a toddler are exhausting and you need to be fit and healthy to do it. Reason with your wife and help her see sense


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

You will never succeed with this.

I'll use myself as the example. I had the six pack, great muscles all over from playing sports. Wife loved it. Then I got fat and lazy. Wife tried to tell me nicely, not so nicely, etc for years and nothing made me change. Recently i've started to change for myself. Without her prompting. Just woke up one day tired of the way I'd become.

Most people are like that. They have to want it or it will never happen or be sustained.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

You may also want to prepare yourself that even if you do convince her to get in shape--all that weight will come crashing back during pregnancy.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

sinnister said:


> You will never succeed with this.
> 
> I'll use myself as the example. I had the six pack, great muscles all over from playing sports. Wife loved it. Then I got fat and lazy. Wife tried to tell me nicely, not so nicely, etc for years and nothing made me change. Recently i've started to change for myself. Without her prompting. Just woke up one day tired of the way I'd become.
> 
> Most people are like that. They have to want it or it will never happen or be sustained.


:iagree: Going through this myself right now. Decent shape, got fat for quite a long time, and one day BANG it just registered in my head that i didn't want to spend the rest of my life as a slob. It's a hard road back, but my knees are already thanking me.


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## Iver (Mar 8, 2013)

I'd try to sell it as a health issue. Her risk of cancer, stroke & heart attack are way up due to her weight. Tell her you want to be in it for the long haul.

Ideally both you and she should weigh what you did when you were 21.

Exercise will help but 80% (at least) is diet. And by diet I mean a permanent eating pattern, not some one month program.

My recommendation is Paleo - it's the most enjoyable for me at least. Mediterranean/Zone/South Beach all have positives. At the least a Natural Foods approach, avoiding processed food will help.

By the way, does she have family? What do her sisters and her mom look like?


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## ShyEnglishman (Aug 23, 2013)

He'sallright said:


> Ok, here's a brief background on our current situation:
> 1. We're in our early 30's.
> 2. Married 3 years.
> 3. No Kids.
> ...


Let's have a look at this in a bit more detail (sorry, in my day job I pick things to bits to get to the truth of the matter, it sorts of sticks ).

Upto point 5, all very positive. Point 10, great.

6. Borderline obese? How fat is she? I don't know if 'obese' has the same definition everywhere, but the accepted definition here is a BMI over 30, which can easily happen even in fit people, if they have a lot of muscle. Granted, a BMI > 30 usually means lots of flab, but even then, 'borderline' may not be that much. Is there a danger of the size 0 models in the media are clouding your judgement of your wife's size? Look at her really. Give her a big cuddle and feel-up. Does she feel nice? If she does then I wouldn't worry too much. Unless she has a health scare, in which case she needs to address that.

Ok, so lets say she does need to lose some weight and get a bit fitter and sort out a health concern. Is there no opportunity locally for a nice walk in the fresh air with nice scenery? Even stopping for an ice cream? You said you work out. Great. But for some people working out is a form of self torture. For example, I keep reasonably fit but I HATE working out. I've done it a few times but I can't stick at it because I hate it with a passion. I'd rather have a beer and a curry than a workout. I ride my bike and I go for walks and run about like a kid when playing with my son, and I work my garden. All things that keep me fit that I enjoy. If I didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't do it. Simple. Maybe your wife is the same. Maybe you have to find enjoyable active things to do together. One type of exercise springs to mind straight away.

Now the kids point. You both want kids. Your wife is desperate for them. Has sex become purely functional and stopped being about fun? you suggested you have reservations about having kids with your wife in her present state. Does this attitude show through? If it does, I can see that being a massive turn-off, and not just sexually, it would be a proper downer.

In summary, I'd suggest find ways to have fun together. No pressure. Fun doesn't have to be called exercise, and ice cream and cake is fine, just eat it while out and about, moving, in fresh air. It doesn't take much to go from completely unfit and lethargic to 'average'. It takes a bit more effort to get to 'above average'. Little steps, no huge leaps. Just have fun together. Break the TV if you have to (take the fuse out of the plug and deny all knowledge, but say you'll have a look later).


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## Fallen Leaf (May 27, 2013)

I gained weight too. At first I thought it was just due to having the second child but then 3 years went by and I gained more weight. I lost weight and got healthier because I was getting heart palpitations that were keeping me awake all night. I now run and bike just about every day and it feels great.

My husband never told me to lose weight or get healthy or anything. He just supported me when I decided to get healthy and he started running himself. We now motivate each other in staying fit and healthy. Btw, if he did tell me I was fat and need to lose weight, I would definitely be offended no matter how nice he tries to say it. Just giving clues would already piss me off. But, he did none of those.

I say, just let her know that being heavy does lead to some serious health issues and that you're concerned for her. But, if she doesn't want to lose the weight, you're not going to bug her about. You just want to make sure she's aware of the health risks. Also, you really should tell her you'd like to have a baby right now and that you think you and she should consult with an ob-gyn before having the baby because being overweight during pregnancy can lead to diabetes and some other pregnancy issues...like having to be bedridden before and after delivery. If so, how will she be able to care for the baby? But, have to ob-gyn talk to her about the pregnancy issues. If the ob says, no probs, then I say, give it a go.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

sinnister said:


> You will never succeed with this.
> 
> I'll use myself as the example. I had the six pack, great muscles all over from playing sports. Wife loved it. Then I got fat and lazy. Wife tried to tell me nicely, not so nicely, etc for years and nothing made me change. Recently i've started to change for myself. Without her prompting. Just woke up one day tired of the way I'd become.
> 
> Most people are like that. They have to want it or it will never happen or be sustained.


Exactly. Telling her she is overweight and you are worried about her health....she knows she's overweight. She doesn't care. All she'll hear when you say that is "you're fat, I don't love you, I'm not attracted to you". Then she'll emotionally eat, maybe, if she's not ready to face her body issues. I dunno.

She has to want it. 

But then again, the truth is always best. Truth with compassion is good. Just be prepared for sex to stop all together because she'll think you hate her body and don't love her.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Better tell ya , we've separated now , no it wasn't that though , well not directly. 
But l tried every approach l could think of.
She did feel guilty about the pigging out and slackness though , just wasn't strong enough to resist for any period.
she did often say if only we could afford one of the weight programs though, she needed the motivation, maybe you could try that.
As far as tv , phones, couch, us time , l dunno. life was full of stress at the time l must admit, maybe if things were better, but l wouldn't put money on it. 
But what people are saying with kids later and stuff , you really do wanna see if you can sort this stuff first. Kid really zap a couple and totally changes them to the max as it is so if shes like this now well, you ain't gonna be a happy camper.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

When is the last time she saw a doctor? Had her blood pressure taken? Blood test for high cholesterol? Maybe if you both visited a doctor and he or she tells her that her health might be at risk by having children being overweight. 

Maybe hearing it from a doctor will help her see the way and prompt he to lose the weight. By what your saying in your thread I believe that you really love her and want what's best for her and your not hurling insults at her but a genuine concern. 

With that said though, she has to want to help herself first and foremost. Get her to a doctor and go from there. Best of luck to you.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Just to point out, that if the hope is that sending her to the doctor will be a magic "wake up" for this issue ... I was very overweight for a long time. I never had a blood pressure problem, a high cholesterol problem, and my baby was born with an Apgar of 9. 

She may be overweight to the point the OP is finding it unattractive, but it may or may not at this point be causing all these obvious "OMG fix it now!!!" signs to a doctor. And thus the results may or may not work to get the doctor to serve as the "bad guy" so that he doesn't have to tell his wife the truth about finding her unattractive.


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## hopetobehappy (Sep 2, 2013)

Exactly what size s she? Borderline obese according to what standards? The normal chart for women isnt always right nowadays , and in todays society being thin just isnt realistic according to some weight charts that tell women according to our height. Thats wonderful your concerned about her health but is she really over weight? Or just not to your standards.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Firstly why aren't you having sex? 
Is it your choice, her choice or both?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I went through this the opposite way... my stbx was gaining weight and I never had an issue with it myself.

He got a lot of taunts from his family but I never said a word (it was maybe 15 lbs) 

Have you tried talking to her about WHY she is watching TV so much or talking on the phone aka living such a sedentary lifestyle?
As in blame/shunn the behavior not consequences?

Weight is difficult to talk about, actually I have been getting crap for losing weight, and yes it is annoying.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

It's a vicious cycle....gain weight, get tired out easier, sit down, grab a snack...repeat....

The weight sneaks on before you know it.

The extra weight will complicate getting pregnant, maintaining a healthy pregnancy, having a normal delivery, and can effect the health of the baby.

She knows she needs to lose the weight, but it's hard, depressing, and embarrassing. 

Trying to lose excess weight plus pregnancy weight gain is very difficult. 

I'm a former labor and delivery RN...my suggestion is to have her get a physical before you start trying to conceive. Help her with her "get fit for baby" project. 

And start practicing on actual conception more...


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## polyol (Sep 2, 2013)

Carbs carbs carbs...it is absolutely why we are fat these days. Limit them as much as possible. Check out lean gains if you want some advice on weight loss.

In the end, you have to work out and diet in some fashion.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

He'sallright.... I am going to have a different perspective than most here probably.... I am going to recommend you first get her to go to the doctor for a physical to make sure she doesn't have a physical issue that might be causing the weight gain. There are many medical issues like hypothyroidism that can cause weight gain. It is a simple blood test and is one of the most under diagnosed diseases in there is. 75% of the people who suffer from it never get diagnosed. This is just one of the many reasons people have difficulty losing weight. I would simple tell her you are concerned and would like to go with her to the doctor to make sure there isn't an issue that needs to be looked into. Use it as a reason to open the door to discuss weight loss.

Symptoms of hypothyroidism are:
Low Libido (to no sex drive)
Weight Gain
No Energy
Exhaustion
Thinning hair
Shortness of Breath
Sore joints


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## Senior Citizen (Jul 25, 2013)

You said your wife is beautiful......do you tell her that? Ok....she's overweight and you're not happy with that....I get it. There must be sometimes when she looks good to you ...you did say she was beautiful. Is your wife depressed? You said you have very little sex......what about affection....is that still a part of your relationship? Are you romancing her? Call her at lunch. Have a date night. Send her flowers. Plan a weekend get-a-way. A woman has to feel desired....beautiful. Does your wife?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Wish I knew the answer. I've posted a number of times about my wife's weight (>330lbs) and despite trying everything under the sun, she just simply will do little about it.

This month she turned 43. A week after her birthday, she told me she has been officially diagnosed with an insulin problem after a few years of being borderline. The prescription to manage it is going to cost $400 to $500 per month. I told her we can attempt to manage it through a prescription but we can also at the same time take this opportunity to make some lifestyle changes. We can take steps to prevent it from getting worse or possibly even reverse it. I suggested that she take a couple of weeks to do some research on managing pre-diabetes and we would sit down and work out a plan of attack. We agreed that setting a deadline would be a good idea. She set a deadline of today and so far she hasn't researched anything. I suspect that she is waiting for her dietician to tell her what to do. There's nothing I can do.

This really was my greatest fear. She's had weight related problems for a number of years and now we add the likelihood of diabetes to it. 

It kills me that despite all this, she won't make changes ... with one exception, she has made small changes in her diet but they have amounted to simply switching to organic where she can ... which does nothing to solve the problem. She won't participate in anything active. The other night she asked me to take my daughters on a service project for a local river cleanup. My daughters belong to a group similar to the girl scouts and they accumulate service hours as part of moving to the next level. Great, I love doing that kind of thing and think it will be a good time with my girls. I asked why she doesn't want to at least come along ... well, because she doesn't like getting hot and sweaty. I knew the answer before I asked ... and I might understand if this was a one time thing but she refuses to do anything that requires activity. That is not healthy.

She has to want to do it for herself.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Wish I knew the answer. I've posted a number of times about my wife's weight (>330lbs) and despite trying everything under the sun, she just simply will do little about it.
> 
> This month she turned 43. A week after her birthday, she told me she has been officially diagnosed with an insulin problem after a few years of being borderline. The prescription to manage it is going to cost $400 to $500 per month. I told her we can attempt to manage it through a prescription but we can also at the same time take this opportunity to make some lifestyle changes. We can take steps to prevent it from getting worse or possibly even reverse it. I suggested that she take a couple of weeks to do some research on managing pre-diabetes and we would sit down and work out a plan of attack. We agreed that setting a deadline would be a good idea. She set a deadline of today and so far she hasn't researched anything. I suspect that she is waiting for her dietician to tell her what to do. There's nothing I can do.
> 
> ...


If your wife is pre-diabetic, diabetic, or has a thyroid issue she would probably qualify for Qsymia (FDA approved). Has to be gotten through the doctor and most insurances won't cover. It has some really mean side effects but it does work...you will lose weight. Doctors only usually give it to extreme cases.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Carlchurchill (Jan 23, 2013)

How do you get your wife to drop the lbs? you mean how do you go about getting her to want to drop the pounds, right? 

Because the obvious answer is to eat less and exercise more. If your intake is less than your output you will be burning fat. You can get ketone strips or lipostix to test your urine to see that you are burning fat, this could motivate her...?


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Wish I knew the answer. I've posted a number of times about my wife's weight (>330lbs) and despite trying everything under the sun, she just simply will do little about it.
> 
> This month she turned 43. A week after her birthday, she told me she has been officially diagnosed with an insulin problem after a few years of being borderline. The prescription to manage it is going to cost $400 to $500 per month. I told her we can attempt to manage it through a prescription but we can also at the same time take this opportunity to make some lifestyle changes. We can take steps to prevent it from getting worse or possibly even reverse it. I suggested that she take a couple of weeks to do some research on managing pre-diabetes and we would sit down and work out a plan of attack. We agreed that setting a deadline would be a good idea. She set a deadline of today and so far she hasn't researched anything. I suspect that she is waiting for her dietician to tell her what to do. There's nothing I can do.
> 
> ...


I'm not overweight but I got a lot of value out of 'Eat to Live' by Joel Furhman. Dr. Joel Fuhrman Improves Health - Lose Weight Naturally | Reverse Diabetes | Prevent Heart Disease and Cancer | Lower Cholesterol His program makes a ton of sense and seems very healthy to me. As an athlete I follow a lot of the basic principles essentially trying to eat nutrient dense low calorie foods as opposed to calorie dense low nutrient foods. He claims his program can turn around health issues like your wifes.


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## He'sallright (Mar 8, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I'm not overweight but I got a lot of value out of 'Eat to Live' by Joel Furhman. Dr. Joel Fuhrman Improves Health - Lose Weight Naturally | Reverse Diabetes | Prevent Heart Disease and Cancer | Lower Cholesterol His program makes a ton of sense and seems very healthy to me. As an athlete I follow a lot of the basic principles essentially trying to eat nutrient dense low calorie foods as opposed to calorie dense low nutrient foods. He claims his program can turn around health issues like your wifes.


Thanks for the resource, Maritime Guy. A low cal / nutrient dense diet has been my prerogative for some time for some time now. It's what has kept me lean and mean for the past two to three years.  I've been slowly but surely moving her towards that diet... I think we've come a long way! To be fair, I've seen SOME improvement in her physique and over all health. Slow and steady wins the race, I guess.

While I am on this reply, since I don't know when I'll have a chance to come back again, allow me to apologize to everyone for being slack with my responses. I am glad to see that folks have carried on without me... I will try to come back later this evening and answer individuals. There have been some really good insights on this thread. I am particularly interested in hypothyroidism... That diagnosis had been kicked around a couple of times by some posters, and i would love to hear what anyone has to say on that matter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

He'sallright said:


> I am particularly interested in hypothyroidism... That diagnosis had been kicked around a couple of times by some posters, and i would love to hear what anyone has to say on that matter.


Hypothyroidism is an absolute b!tch. About 8-10 times more common in women than men. Most often hypothyroidism is triggered by an autoimmune disorder, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. In a nutshell, your white blood cells attack & destroy your thyroid gland. Your thyroid controls a number of autonomous functions including internal body temperature & metabolism. It's common for a reduced calorie diet to produce severe fatigue in hypothyroid patients, because your body reacts by reducing your basal metabolic rate. It's a very tough condition to manage well, here is the best site: 

Thyroid Disease Information - Hypothyroidism - Hyperthyroidism - Thyroid Cancer - Autoimmune Disease - Hashimoto's - Graves' - Goiter - Nodules - Metabolism - Weight Loss - Diet - Hormones - Hormonal Balance - Perimenopause - Menopause


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

> Despite our problem, we actually love and care about each other very much. I can't imagine being with anyone else.


If she loves you that much, then why is she only putting out once a month (assuming that you are the aggressor)?

Anyway, many, many years ago, before we had children, my wife went through a period of time where she gained weight, was sedentary and would not take the steps to resolve it. NOTHING I SAID OR DID would influence her to do otherwise. At some point, however, something snapped and she got the gumption to diet. It took her about 3 weeks to rid herself of the cravings for sugar and fatty foods, and at 4 weeks, began seeing the results. HOLY CRAP! Once she started seeing results and realized that she could actually "do it", I could not stop her. She leaned up pretty quick and was way more conscientious about what she was putting in her mouth, not to mention she had more energy. You know, it wouldn't hurt to have her hormone levels checked. I wish there was an easy answer for you, but this is a decision that only she can make for herself.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He'sallright said:


> I feel like I've already done a lot to try and remedy this situation. I've tried to lead by example, I've encouraged, I've dropped subtle hints, I've tried coming up with creative solutions....


You say that she's in to her cell and the TV. 

What do the two of you do together? What kind of time do you spend with her?


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## ILoveMyWife! (Sep 5, 2013)

Have you tried suggesting you two go to a gym together or do active things together? Maybe you need to show her that exercise and eating right is fun and not a chore. Its like Tom Sawyer and painting the fence. If she saw it as fun and something exciting she might be willing to learn to do it on her own. But you need to show her the fun and benefits of it.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I have had my thyroid taken out due to a tumor so I would be considered extreme hypothyroidism :-/ . Prior to having it taken out I had hyperthyrodism. What are you wanting to know?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at 16, and have been medicated for it since. However - I can tell you, even with this issue you -can- lose weight. I myself have lost 40 lbs since January. 

However, you need to have your meds properly balanced, and you may need to have hormone levels "higher" than what a typical doctor likes to see to see weight loss. And the typical Synthroid prescription doesn't work everyone. Myself, I get a custom compounded natural pork (aka Armour) thyroid medication because I require a dosage that is not available in standard form. 

My suggestion to anyone who feels they may have a thyroid issue is to find a doctor who is willing to go above and beyond the "standard" answer that as long as you are "in range" that you are fine.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at 16, and have been medicated for it since. However - I can tell you, even with this issue you -can- lose weight. I myself have lost 40 lbs since January.
> 
> However, you need to have your meds properly balanced, and you may need to have hormone levels "higher" than what a typical doctor likes to see to see weight loss. And the typical Synthroid prescription doesn't work everyone. Myself, I get a custom compounded natural pork (aka Armour) thyroid medication because I require a dosage that is not available in standard form.
> 
> My suggestion to anyone who feels they may have a thyroid issue is to find a doctor who is willing to go above and beyond the "standard" answer that as long as you are "in range" that you are fine.


The reason doctors are so skiddish about letting people have high dosages of thyroid hormones is the chance of sending them into something called a "thyroid storm". This is always a risk if you take to high a dose for your system as is heart damage, but most doctors error on the way to conservative side. With thyroid hormone just a tweek of the dose can mean the difference between losing and not losing. 

Just for a bit of reference though not everyones system works the same....I lose weight the closer I get the mean level "2" the better chance I have of losing, the closer I get to hyper I gain. I had a tumor on my thyroid so I was hyper and gained 100 lbs., not everyone loses on hyper levels.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

My mother once asked her doctor "what's the best way to lose some weight" and he said "learn to endure hunger".

I thought he was a straight shooter for saying that.

Losing weight is hard work and requires mental strength. Above all, your wife has to want to improve. Without wanting to, she'll never lose the weight.


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## gloriagloria (Aug 14, 2013)

I only recently learned how important this weight issue is to men. 
My partner explained it to me in a really clear, clinical way, and it makes sense to me. I appreciate the OP's honesty and sensitivity. 

I have some insight about this:
(Me: Former athlete, got sick, got fat, got depressed, finally got off my ass and lost the weight. Now a size 4, sometimes a 2)

My .02:

Communicate the unconditional love you appear to have for her, and don't stop communicating that throughout.

Clearly explain that a weight loss would be a win for her in lots of ways: Health, obviously. But explain that it's a win for you, too. That you'd enjoy it. (I'm saying this delicately, I hope you know what I mean.) Be as accurate as possible.

Be supportive: Cook together, exercise together. Make it a project. Affirm steps in the right direction. Be tireless with this.

Don't ever give an ultimatum (lose the weight or else), communicate that you love her whether she loses the weight or not.


Also, practical advice:
As soon as she 'outgrows' a size, give those clothes away. Everyone who regains always regains to the size they kept hanging in their closet. Fact. Simple advice, but true.

Eat small amounts, frequently. Limit sugar and bad fats.

Cardio. Have her work up to crazy amounts. 1.5-2 hrs, every other day or every third day.


------------
NOTE: 
I wasn't in a relationship during my weight loss phase, but I know that I perform better at ANYTHING in the context of acceptance/love/security. If I know you approve of/love me, I'll try to do whatever I can to please you.

I'm thinking this is more 'female' thinking than 'male', which is why I'm thinking she may be the same way.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

gloriagloria said:


> I have some insight about this: Me: Former athlete, got sick, got fat, *got depressed*, finally got off my ass and lost the weight. Now a size 4, sometimes a 2
> 
> My .02:
> 
> ...


I am happy for the amazing changes you have made, they certainly worked for you. I respectfully suggest that NOTHING would have happened had you not dealt with your depression. 

There are some cases where a behavioral change can lead to a change in our self-perception. "Just do this and you'll feel better" isn't always the answer. Dealing with your psychological well-being is ALWAYS the answer after ruling out medical (physical) health issues. 

I have been thinking about the male perception of female presence. Now as a guy, what do I feel when my partner is having a problem with weight? Jung suggested that we constantly communicate subconsciously even if we refuse to speak to one another. I suggest that there is a significant amount of transference (depression, hopelessness, worthlessness) from the suffering partner to the spouse. Both partners actively suffer. What inevitably happens is that one partner tries to "solve" this problem for their spouse. This may alleviate the obvious symptoms, but until the underlying issues are addressed, the condition will simply manifest itself in other ways. 

Laziness is not the problem, fear is. Once you have addressed all physical sources, look into the psychological sources. Be as kind and supportive as possible, but let the partner know it is their responsibility to own their own psychology. You, as a partner, cannot ameliorate the fear that has accumulated over the lifetime of another. (unless you were the cause of your partner's fear, in which case you both need IC).


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

gloriagloria said:


> As soon as she 'outgrows' a size, give those clothes away. Everyone who regains always regains to the size they kept hanging in their closet. Fact. Simple advice, but true.


Every single person that loses weight who subsequently regains that weight, goes to exactly the clothing that they kept in their closet?

Sorry can't blindly agree with those simple, true, "facts".

Besides even if it _was_ true, it's more likely that people tend to return to their baseline weight if they aren't vigilant in their diet and exercise habits, and odds are the clothing they decided to keep was the stuff they wore most of the time- meaning the ones that fit their baseline level.

You're almost suggesting that keeping the large sized clothing in the closet somehow has an effect on the person by putting just the right amount of weight back on so the clothes will be worn again.

I mean, what happens if the person keeps 2 different sizes of clothing in their closet, from when they were 'fat' and 'fatter'?

I guess according to your "Facts" they would suddenly put on weight until they were an average of those two sizes?


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Have two cases of Nutrsystem delivered to the house. One for you and one for her. When you both are under nurished and crabby, call it a success!


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Also, when you gain and re-lose weight, there is no guarantee that you will regain it all in the same places and thus always go back to the same size. You can also weight more but be more toned, and thus wear a smaller size.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

gloriagloria said:


> Also, practical advice:
> As soon as she 'outgrows' a size, give those clothes away. Everyone who regains always regains to the size they kept hanging in their closet. Fact. Simple advice, but true.


When you gain weight, your body creates more fat cells. When you lose weight, your body empties those fat cells, but they don't disappear. They sit there, empty. Your brain thinks it needs to fill them again and signals hunger, and people eat, often too much.

They also regain weight for a large number of other reasons, like hating to exercise, loving food and eating too much of it, feeling deprived from diets, unrealistic expectations and quick-fix dieting, emotional eating, medical reasons, etc. 

The clothes have nothing to do with it. Correlation is not causation.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Get more attractive yourself and demand change once you've improved your relative attractiveness.


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## He'sallright (Mar 8, 2012)

Thanks, everyone, for the responses. Especially those of you who have given sooo much input on thyroid issues. Y'all have given me a lot to think about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## He'sallright (Mar 8, 2012)

Quant said:


> Get more attractive yourself and demand change once you've improved your relative attractiveness.


I've actually been working really hard on improving my own attractiveness for quite some time. I am glad you brought that up... I've lost weight, muscled up, started dressing sexier, etc. etc. I definitely feel a helluva lot more confident about myself, and I think that does give me a bit of an edge when I do speak up about health issues. I will continue with bettering myself... I have no intention of ever giving up on ME. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

One of the things that motivated me to loose weight was my wife telling me she loved me and wanted me around for the long term. She explained how my weight, along with family history, put me at risk for diabetes and heart disease.

It wouldn't have motivated me if she told me she found me more attractive if I lost weight.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

If she is lazy, fat and not being sexual with you, it would be a terrible horrible mistake to make her pregnant.

If your needs and desires are already this low on her priority list, what do you think happens when a baby comes along? She will become more over weight, more stressed out, more interseted in escaping to her ipone, and have even less sex with you. 

Kids will make this situtation far far worse... And, by having a child with a woman who already does not cut it as a wife, you are telling her that you accept and are OK with this.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

He'sallright said:


> Thanks, everyone, for the responses. Especially those of you who have given sooo much input on thyroid issues. Y'all have given me a lot to think about.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Most likely it's a laziness problem. Everyone wants to blame thyroids and hormones, but this country's skyrocketing obesity rates aren't because everyone's thyroids suddenly stopped working correctly. That being said, not a bad idea to check it out, but ultimately she'll have to get off the couch and put some work in or she'll get nowhere.

I speak from experience.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You can't make or get anyone to "drop" pounds (or do anything else). She has to want it.

Tell her you are concerned for her health and want you both to be healthier.

Offer to go to the gym with her/go on walks together.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Offer to go to the gym with her/go on walks together.


I've asked this before and will ask again: has this ever worked for anyone? I mean, it must have worked for someone once because it's always the advice given in threads like this. I just can't imagine an overweight spouse not instantly seeing right through that. That's how it went for me, at least.


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## He'sallright (Mar 8, 2012)

hawkeye said:


> I've asked this before and will ask again: has this ever worked for anyone? I mean, it must have worked for someone once because it's always the advice given in threads like this. I just can't imagine an overweight spouse not instantly seeing right through that. That's how it went for me, at least.


Good question. I agree. Wives are pretty quick to pick up on such an agenda. It seems to me, at least from experience in asking this question, that a lot of folks say things like, "go to the gym with her... Encourage her... do the shopping... do the cooking... set the example...." I RARELY ever hear anyone follow that up with a success story. What gives? :-D
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## He'sallright (Mar 8, 2012)

hawkeye said:


> Most likely it's a laziness problem. Everyone wants to blame thyroids and hormones, but this country's skyrocketing obesity rates aren't because everyone's thyroids suddenly stopped working correctly. That being said, not a bad idea to check it out, but ultimately she'll have to get off the couch and put some work in or she'll get nowhere.
> 
> I speak from experience.


 In any case, thyroid or not, she's gonna have to take some kind of meaningful action. Totally agree with your statement about obesity. Just to be on the safe side, I am scheduling the both of us for a check-up soon. I dunno how I'm going to make that happen... lol... but it will happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

hawkeye said:


> I've asked this before and will ask again: has this ever worked for anyone? I mean, it must have worked for someone once because it's always the advice given in threads like this. I just can't imagine an overweight spouse not instantly seeing right through that. That's how it went for me, at least.


Yes, it works.

It's worked for my parents - He has the skinny genes, and my mom has the tendency to fat genes (as do I). After the babies she had some weight she couldn't lose. After menopause, more weight. And once they both retired, my mom put on a bit more weight. Never obese, but enough. They walk together all the time now - they are that little old couple in the neighborhood who chats with all the neighbors they meet, and brings treats for the dogs and candy for the kids on their walks. And my dad made a home gym in the basement, complete with tv and stereo for music, and they work out together, too. Mom looks great!

As for me, I have gained and lost 100's of pounds over the years, but it's been all the same 10-15 extra pounds. My SO is very active because he says he was a fat kid, although you'd never know looking at him, AND because he does things that he thinks are FUN in order to stay in shape, like playing softball and football on leagues among other things. Anyway, he never said a word about my extra pounds and ALWAYS told me how hot and sexy I am. But, he also always encouraged me to be more active and to do things _with him_ like biking and hiking and swimming and snorkeling. And because we make time for those together and I can see the results from it, I now also make more time to work out on my elliptical and with my weights by myself.

It works. But not when it's a "damn, you so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the house; get your fat ass to the gym or my weenie won't get it up for you/my vagina shrivels up just looking at you" approach. It's more a "hey, let's go do this fun thing together because it's fun and we can spend more fun time together" approach that gets the ball rolling. 

I don't know that it works for everyone. You're right, people can see through it if it's not genuine.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

norajane said:


> He has the skinny genes, and my mom has the tendency to fat genes (as do I).


Oh please.. there are no "FAT" and "Skinny" genes.

Fat people are fat because they eat too much and exercise too little. Metabolic problems such as thyroid disorders can make things a bit more complicated'; and as we age it's harder to burn away the fat, but in the end it's all the same:

Burn off more than you consume and you will lose weight.

Don't blame genetics or metabolic problems, be self accountable, and that's a big first step in the right direction.

We live in an unhealthy era, people eat and drink all sorts of crap, few people get any real exercise and everywhere you look are piles of blubber. The problem is epidemic- and certainly NOT genetic. 

I still remember that scene from the movie "Shallow Hal" where the big fat chick says "It's metabolic" as she describes her rather large physique, while sucking down a chocolate shake.

If nothing else, lose the excuses.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

You haven't hear of somatotypes, lenzi? The ectomorph who can eat and eat and eat and lift weights til the cows come home and still be a skinny string bean? The endomorph that is a shorter body type with thicker legs and arms and difficulty in losing fat so they have to do more exercise and watch calories constantly to not gain weight? The mesomorph that is typically faster to respond to weight training and extra calories?

There absolutely are people who have a body type that gains weight more quickly and body types that lose weight more quickly. 

And yes, you can be an ectomorph and be fat, but it takes a lot longer and a lot more calories to get there. And you can be a mesomorph and be very athletic and fit, but it takes a lot more work and a lot more calorie counting to get there.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

norajane said:


> There absolutely are people who have a body type that gains weight more quickly and body types that lose weight more quickly.
> 
> And yes, you can be an ectomorph and be fat, but it takes a lot longer and a lot more calories to get there. And you can be a mesomorph and be very athletic and fit, but it takes a lot more work and a lot more calorie counting to get there.


Absolutely. I agree 100%

I just don't agree with the whole "I'm fat because of genetics" as if there's nothing that can be done except choose which supersize meal to order from the McDonald's take out menu.

I can stand on my soap box because I'm down to 197 from 236, in a 6'1" stocky frame. It's been a tough ride with a lot of mental discipline but the way I figure it, if I can do it so can everyone else!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

The most I lost at a time was 100lbs 3 times. I fluctuate now due to not being able to exercise and literally starving my body to lose weight.

I don't lose the weight for my husband, kids, friends, neighbors next door or anyone except myself.

I certainly have my struggles I deal with and I certainly know when I've added a few extra pounds. I don't need reminders.

The best way for me to lose the weight is exercise. It's unfortunate I no longer can do it. Thyroid issues run in my family and I check my levels yearly.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> The best way for me to lose the weight is exercise. It's unfortunate I no longer can do it.


You can no longer do ANY form of exercise.

Why not?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

lenzi said:


> You can no longer do ANY form of exercise.
> 
> Why not?


I broke my neck and became disabled. It turned my whole life upside down. I mentally have a very hard time with it since I still have the motivation to run.

I do bike at a very slow pace, but it's nothing compared to what I use to do

I can't walk far without a wheelchair or hold my head up on my own for over 1-2 hours without resting depending on the day. I have permanent spine nerve damage and 2 herniated discs in my neck. I live in constant severe pain.:/


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> You can't make or get anyone to "drop" pounds (or do anything else). She has to want it.
> 
> Tell her you are concerned for her health and want you both to be healthier.
> 
> Offer to go to the gym with her/go on walks together.


:iagree: She has to want to do it. I do find it encouraging when both spouses exercise together. Also, we like to enter all of the food we consume on an daily basis into MyFitnessPal.com. It is good at calculating calories, fat grams, sodium levels, etc and is very eye opening. It can help your wife make better decisions about what she is putting in her mouth...just my opinion.


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## ralph99 (Nov 28, 2012)

Similar thing happened to me except I ended up with three kids and felt trapped. I had mentioned to my wife that I wasn't a fan of her weight but over 20 yrs. it just kind of kept creeping up. Occasionally she would diet, but to little success. I sat her down one summer and told her that I am sorry, but I am not really that attracted to her with all the extra pounds and that something needed to change or next year we may need to reevaluate our being together. She dieted for a few weeks and lost a few pounds, but then nothing. I left the following summer and we got divorced. Of course there were other issues that needed to be worked on other than the weight, but if you can't be attracted to the other person and they aren't willing to put in effort on that front then the other stuff will be even harder. I wish I would have done it a long time ago, and so should you.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I broke my neck and became disabled. It turned my whole life upside down. I mentally have a very hard time with it since I still have the motivation to run.
> 
> I do bike at a very slow pace, but it's nothing compared to what I use to do
> 
> I can't walk far without a wheelchair or hold my head up on my own for over 1-2 hours without resting depending on the day. I have permanent spine nerve damage and 2 herniated discs in my neck. I live in constant severe pain.:/


Wow,
Didn't know your physical condition was that serious!
I sorry to hear that.
I can only imagine the pain.
I'm hoping that with treatment / physiotherapy ,it can improve ?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> Wow,
> Didn't know your physical condition was that serious!
> I sorry to hear that.
> I can only imagine the pain.
> I'm hoping that with treatment / physiotherapy ,it can improve ?


It happened 5 years ago. The doctors tell me not to get my hopes up or I may become depressed. I do the best I can physically daily. I do live with severe chronic pain and that's one difficult road to live. I tried everything under the sun to heal this injury, I even had one surgery and will have more since 2 discs are still herniated. I was running 36 miles a week before this all occurred..

I do try to make the best out of life. I have a great husband and wonderful children. I have many projects within the home to try to keep me busy. Right now there's nothing more to do to help my situation or to heal my neck. I'm grateful I can bike, even a small amount. I'm grateful for the support, especially from my husband and doctors.

I have a hard time with the weight gain. My weight fluctuates and I do my best to stay thin. I've strived my whole life to stay thin. It's not easy losing weight or maintaining especially as I age.


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