# I think I made a mistake



## JUSTMARRIED0629 (Aug 20, 2012)

let me give you a little background on my husband and I.... We have been together for almost 11 years married almost 2 months...I have 2 daughters and he has well many kids....I moved with my dad about 3 years ago after his wife passed away unexpectly...so now I live in Texas and he lives in Louisiana..last year around this time he had 3 kids under 18 in California his ex-wife was doing bad on drugs and after me badgering him he finally went got his 2 boys his daughter was living with her friend at this point, he let her stay and took his boys back with him to louisiana well about 2 months later his ex wife commited suicide(overdose) he still allowed his daughter to stay with her friend at this point (i never thought it was good for him to let her stay) So around christmas time we started to discus getting married in that discussion I wanted to wait till 2013 so we could live together at this point we agreed he would move her by the end of 2012...but he did not want to wait and said he would be ok with us being married and living apart temporary... so we got married on June 29th and now some things are bothering me like when we get into a disagreement its always because I live here and not there with him and when I was there my word never mattered with his kids, their his kids and he will do what he wants.. now I have never told him how to disipline my kids ever or undermined a decision he made about them and my oldest has lived with him the past 3 years...He doesnt feel he should discuss any finiacial things with me before making a decision. I feel why did we get married if its all his way and my opinion or word doesnt matter... I feel he lied to me about being ok with me living here just to get me to marry him and now it gets thrown in my face every chance he gets...now we found out that his daughter in california who is 17 is pregnant and due next month, now she told no one has had no prenatal care until a few weeks ago, and I feel she needs to move with her dad so we can help her and offered to move there as long as i can come to my dads once a month to do things for him etc. but he has a problem with telling his kids no or making them do things they don't want to so of course he is not gonna make her move here so she can be closer to the baby daddy so my opinion is that if she wants to stay out there with him then he can take care of her but that also is none of my business he can send his daughter money whenever he wants and doesnt feel he needs to tell me when or how much money he sends to her... I just dont know what to do anymore I'm tired of arguing but I also know that he is so wrong and this is not what I thought marriage was about...so now we are not speaking


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

He's a single parent making all the decisions. If you're not on site with him, then you really have to let him make the calls.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I honestly don`t see what your problem is.

You live long distance from him and have no leverage over his relationship with his kids.

Whether you agree with how he`s raising/supporting them or not it`s not your place to tell him what he can and can do for his daughter.

Quite honestly from what you`ve posted you don`t really have a marriage in any way other than the paperwork anyway.


----------



## JUSTMARRIED0629 (Aug 20, 2012)

First of all I have never tried to tell him how to raise his kids but he has never had to raise any of his kids like he is now, so advice from someone with experience might be of help, I have NEVER said what he could or couldnt do for any of his kids, I have taken care of his kids when we did live together and I was the only one working...I would just would like to be told when he is. and that goes for anything that has to do with OUR money because it is OUR money in OUR bank account. Which I do contribute to!! We have everything together, like i said we have been together almost 11 years. Also he is the one that wanted to get married before he moved here, I wanted to wait till he moved here to Texas. I understand that he is a single parent but he can't let me make decisions but if he doesn't like it do it his way. Its getting to the point to where is youngest ask me but if i say no he will go ask his dad and of course he gives him whatever it may be he wanted and I feel that is totally disrepecting me as his wife. Of course this is when I go to his house which is every other month or more just depends on whats going on with me because like I said I do take care of my dad.


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

JUSTMARRIED0629 said:


> First of all I have never tried to tell him how to raise his kids but he has never had to raise any of his kids like he is now, so advice from someone with experience might be of help, I have NEVER said what he could or couldnt do for any of his kids, I have taken care of his kids when we did live together and I was the only one working...I would just would like to be told when he is. and that goes for anything that has to do with OUR money because it is OUR money in OUR bank account. Which I do contribute to!! We have everything together, like i said we have been together almost 11 years. Also he is the one that wanted to get married before he moved here, I wanted to wait till he moved here to Texas. I understand that he is a single parent but he can't let me make decisions but if he doesn't like it do it his way. Its getting to the point to where is youngest ask me but if i say no he will go ask his dad and of course he gives him whatever it may be he wanted and I feel that is totally disrepecting me as his wife. Of course this is when I go to his house which is every other month or more just depends on whats going on with me because like I said I do take care of my dad.


This is more an issue of communication than anything else.

He can't consult you on a lot of things if you aren't there. I know you have responsibilities elsewhere but if you aren't in the same house, co-parenting just doesn't work.

You can express how you feel, you probably have done so already, but unless you work out a plan in advance (which will be difficult to implement if you aren't there), you may just have to be along for the ride until you can physically be with your husband/family.


----------

