# Multiple Issues.....Oh Joy



## laviavoise (Mar 20, 2011)

okay, so I'm new to the forum but I need some serious help. I'm into BDSM as a submissive or even slave role. I did probably the worst thing ever and married my best friend because I was tired of the dating scene. That was three years ago. He is not dominant and said he would try to be someone dominating but the poor guy can't. He also can't be rough with me in bed either. On top of this I feel guilty because I want this and feel like I need this but will need to find it elsewhere. He has agreed to me finding a female dominant but I can only be submisssive to men. I have a friend who has used his dominant voice on me once and I could not resist doing as he said. Luckily, it was an over the phone conversation and all he said for me to do was be quiet. As a result of all of this, I can't find the power or will to have sex with my husband more than once a month. Don't get me wrong, if I could have sex with others I would be more than capable. Is it wrong to want you husband to ravish you? Or to want anyone to? Is my relationship worth saving? Can it be saved? I'm on the verge of cheating on him or something. I need help.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Two bottoms won't work out. Unless you're on Jackass.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Keep trying with him and be patient. How direct have you been with him on what exactly you would like him to do? Have you shown him or maybe shown him some pictures/flics of what you like. It will take time for him to break out if his comfort zone but I think every guy has it instinctively in his nature to be dominant. He just needs to feel comfortable doing that with you. He may feel like he would be disrespectful to you. Reassure him that it is quite the opposite, by him being more strong and dominant he is in fact respecting you, your desires...your needs. Direct, frank and constant communication is your friend in this case. He will get there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

Hello I am new to this forum.

I would love to help, I can see some men as not having the will power to be dominating. 

This will sound like something from a porno, but why don't you piss him off, do things he hates until he gets mad and fights back. For example touch his butt, if anyone goes there I know I get mad. Maybe go after his nipples? Tie him up so he is helpless and make him cry and tell him to take it out on you afterwords. Just an idea, you can adjust it as you need for your relationship.


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## laviavoise (Mar 20, 2011)

hubby said:


> Keep trying with him and be patient. How direct have you been with him on what exactly you would like him to do? Have you shown him or maybe shown him some pictures/flics of what you like. It will take time for him to break out if his comfort zone but I think every guy has it instinctively in his nature to be dominant. He just needs to feel comfortable doing that with you. He may feel like he would be disrespectful to you. Reassure him that it is quite the opposite, by him being more strong and dominant he is in fact respecting you, your desires...your needs. Direct, frank and constant communication is your friend in this case. He will get there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I have tried all of that, even taken him to parties to show him how one can be dominating without sex. I've had him talk to other submissives and other dominants and yet when he tries it does nothing for me. Its like he isn't into it. I've tried to talk about it and when I do he tries to change the subject. In all honesty, I have to be the dominating one which is slowly killing me inside.


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## laviavoise (Mar 20, 2011)

Nicbrownn80 said:


> Hello I am new to this forum.
> 
> I would love to help, I can see some men as not having the will power to be dominating.
> 
> This will sound like something from a porno, but why don't you piss him off, do things he hates until he gets mad and fights back. For example touch his butt, if anyone goes there I know I get mad. Maybe go after his nipples? Tie him up so he is helpless and make him cry and tell him to take it out on you afterwords. Just an idea, you can adjust it as you need for your relationship.



I've tried ticking him off just to get a reaction. He shuts down and won't talk, won't even be in the same room as me. I get locked out of wherever he is and when he comes out, he cries as he talks to me. If I tick him off in bed, he stops and goes away.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

laviavoise said:


> I've tried ticking him off just to get a reaction. He shuts down and won't talk, won't even be in the same room as me. I get locked out of wherever he is and when he comes out, he cries as he talks to me. If I tick him off in bed, he stops and goes away.


You don't sound very submissive to me.


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

It sounds like you talked about this a lot. And he realizes that he is not able to do it, so he is willing to find a female dominant how about a male? Would that make him not be ok?

I am asking because if he says no, then its good. Sounds like he is submissive to what you want and say. Maybe let your "friend" show him how it is done in front of him? Maybe he can stop you somewhat from doing things with your friend. 

I can see how hard it is for you. I need to think about it, hopefully I will come back and post something helpful.


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

laviavoise said:


> I've tried ticking him off just to get a reaction. He shuts down and won't talk, won't even be in the same room as me. I get locked out of wherever he is and when he comes out, he cries as he talks to me. If I tick him off in bed, he stops and goes away.


What you do exactly?
PM me if you don't want to post


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Like I said you're both bottoms or you think you are. That's not going to work. One of you has to be the man, or at least a fem top. You're going to need a third who's a top dominant.


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