# Once a cheater always a cheater?



## christina808 (May 21, 2010)

My boyfriend cheated on me three years ago, I forgave him, but can't forget about it. Now, even after three years I can't get myself to trust him. What's worst is that now he has a new job that only requires us to see each other three times a week. I am tired of all the distrust, and I'm sure he is too. Although he swears from his mother's grave that he will never cheat again, but I don't really believe him. We have been together for 8 years now, we were seriously thinking about getting married three years ago, until he cheated on which, now we're back to zero.

I am seriously thinking of leaving him and start fresh. Do you think I should leave him? or try to work things out. I asked some of my friends and they said that 8 years is long time to just throw away. They want want me to work things out with him. I think what I am really afraid of is to be cheated again.

Do you guys believe that once a cheater will always be a cheater?


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I think you need to look at the positives here, if he hasn't given you any reason in 3 years to worry. I think he is trying to prove to you that he wouldn't and he is obviously patient with you and your concerns....
Can you picture life without him? Are there other things in the relationship that are concerns for you?
Sooner or later you are going to have to trust him if this will work if you are thinking of marriage......
good luck


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Once a cheater NOT always a cheater. I don't know what was going on in your relationship three years ago, but it doesn't sound as if he's cheated since then or has any intentions on it. 

It's really up to you to decide one way or the other what you do with your life. It does seem a shame that the trust hasn't been restored after so many years, but those are your feelings and what are you going to do about them? Keeping his as a boyfriend even though you don't trust him isn't good for either of you and would not be a good way to begin a marriage together.


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## jitterbug (Feb 13, 2010)

I personally don't believe that there are any absolutes about cheating (except that it's wrong,hurtful, and selfish)

I do believe that some individuals can cheat once and never do it again, if they really,really see how much pain it causes their partner........People _can_evolve and increase their self-awareness.

And some never do.........

I look at it as a case-by-case basis.

Why are you still not trusting your bf?

--Has he provided transparency about *everything* ?

--Has he demonstrated genuine remorse for his actions?

--Has he shown empathy for what you've been feeling?Does he show compassion when something triggers you.....

.........or does he seem impatient and annoyed?Do you sense a "let's just sweep this under the rug" mentality coming from him?


Another variable is the nature of his previous cheating---was it a one-time event, or was he keeping someone on the side for an extended amount of time?

Did he 'fess up---or did you have to catch him after being lied to?

When D-day happened ,did he come entirely clean, or did he "trickle-truth" you ?(far more painful)

A little more back-story from you would help us to give you more informed advice.


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

i think it just depends on the situation, and the guy. if you haven't found anything out in 3 yrs, i agree he probably isn't doing anything wrong. i don't know how much you've snooped around, but there ARE ways to make sure you know the truth and the whole truth...you just have to be ready for the truth.


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