# Facebook. Advice needed quick.



## Itslikethat (Jul 21, 2009)

Hi, first post. I have problems with a jealous wife. Background, her 3 previous partners cheated and now I pay for it. I will fill in any blanks I miss in later posts, however I have to fix my current problem. I play facebook poker I have minimalized my female contacts on the site due to my wife, but there is a add buddy feature on Just poker as in not the full add friend on the site. I was requested by 6 females I accepted. I just do it for the game like track their chip count. I don't really chat with them other than hi. Tonight I was playing and she spotted buddys that are not on my friends list. She is pleading with me to delete them. I have an iPhone so can play anywhere and in her mind chat them up. I have her and my baby daughter that's all I need and I have told her that. Am I unreasonable in not deleting them in the "if you can't trust me there is no point" or should I respect it makes her uncomfertable/jealous and delete them?


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

She needs to trust you. Keep reassuring her and invite her to watch you so she feels more comfortable. I know thats what I did with my wife whos on FB all night and day when off..


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## Itslikethat (Jul 21, 2009)

So keep the added poker buddys? She plays poker too but another facebook one. She can open the one I play and watch, I play it on my iPhone at work. She is set on me deleting them.


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## karajh (Jul 25, 2009)

Loving Husband said:


> She needs to trust you. Keep reassuring her and invite her to watch you so she feels more comfortable. I know thats what I did with my wife whos on FB all night and day when off..


I totally agree with Loving Husband on this one!

If you continue to let her do this to you ... it will build resentment. Sounds like she might need to talk to someone about her jealousy issues.. it is never a good thing!


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Once she sees your not hiding anything or acting suspicious she will give you slack. Since your past is checkered it might be needed.. Just be open..


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I don't think its his past that's checkered...but she has 3 past SO's who cheated on her before him...so now he is paying.

I agree, you don't need to delete them. She has to learn to trust you for this relationship to stay healthy. Otherwise she is going to continue to control who you can and can't be friends with on and off line. You will begin to resent the control. You need to start reigning it in now.


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## Itslikethat (Jul 21, 2009)

I already resent the control. I reviewed all my facebook friends and deleted most of the females for her. I lost contact with an ex that was a genuine friend. Past experience says if I don't I will endure days of her sobbing and pleading till I give in for a quiet life.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

But are you willing to be so controlled by her to have a "quiet" life. It may be quiet...but I'm thinking it isn't very happy. What happens when you develop a friendship with a co-worker who heaven forbid might be female, are you simply going to hide the fact that you two talk, or *gasp* have lunch together?


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## Itslikethat (Jul 21, 2009)

Omg all hell would break lose! Not happy about it no. This is where she says i lie as I chose not to say then she blames me for her jealous reaction. The buddys are mostly in other countrys!


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Talk to her some more. But tread lightly. It's unfortunate but yes if you're going to be in a relationship w/someone who's been cheated on although not fair you will pay the price. That doesn't mean that you're going to cheat on her, it just means you have to worker harder than most to keep her feeling safe.


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## nightshade (Mar 4, 2009)

That must be tough.

It might be very difficult for her to get over it without professional help. I know it's affecting your negatively, but I'm sure she dislikes these feelings she's having. 

Are you willing to get her into talking to someone? Maybe even going with her to show you've got nothing to hide. If you come at with the approach that you want to do it for her and you marriage to be happier and stronger, she might be open into it. 

You obviously would know better than I. I hope you find a resolution.


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## Itslikethat (Jul 21, 2009)

I have suggested help before she doesn't think she has a problem. It's all activated by me.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I fear that if she can't get past this, you're in for a heck of a ride. Once you start giving up things for her, you'll resent her. She will take more and more away.

Don't give up the buddies, but don't hide them from her either. Let her watch when you play at home. Maybe you could let her play on your account a time or two so she can see that there is nothing going on?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

If she is that manipulative when you stand your ground, you guys need some help. At least she does--you should just stand your ground. She needs help to recognize how insecure she is and what she can do about it. If someone cried and went on about something once I'd made a decision, I'd walk away--leave the room, refuse to listen, leave the house if necessary, until that person decided to act like an adult and learn to accept what she cannot change. It's her insecurity that is the issue here, make sure you are clear on that and giving in is NOT the right answer.


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## Itslikethat (Jul 21, 2009)

I thank you for your help. I needed advice quick as I knew I'd have to face her after work. I stood my ground an no one is deleted, surprising result as this is the first time I havent eventually given in. Thanks again.


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## srena200 (Jul 13, 2009)

Trying gamblingaddicts.com ..this is an issue in marriage or life that should not even arise over some silly crap like that


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