# Sex life sucks, everything else is great. divorce?



## rbolt (Mar 18, 2012)

My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We started dating when I was only 19 and just out of a horrible childhood sex abuse environment. I wasn't all that interested in sex at the beginning of our relationship. It was perfect then. 

But over the years, I began to process everything and heal. And now I feel like I am at my sexual peak. I'm over the abuse, emotionally. But bits of it creep into my sexual subconscious and I would like to explore it. This freaks the hell out of my husband.

He is still the same as he's always been. Perhaps he's a bit repressed from his own religious / slightly insane upbringing as well. I feel like I am married to my vibrator. I honestly lay there most nights, staring at him, pawing at him, and masturbating. 

This is actually an improvement because for a lot of years I would just cry myself to sleep after being rejected by him.

Recently I met another man. We were just hanging out as friends. But when I went to leave the last time, he gave me this amazing hug that just sparked something in me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him.

I went home and told my husband. He begged me not to leave, that he would try to work on things. He promised that he does have love and passion inside of him and he will do anything to show me and to keep me.

But I am just not sure I want to wait. I know how long therapy takes and I don't want to be old and unattractive and then decide that I've given it enough time and it will just never be the passionate marriage that I want it to be.

Every time we talk now, all the happy memories he brings up are marred in my mind by rejection and sadness. He brought up an anniversary date that seemed nice in his head, but I remember begging him to go for hours before he agreed and then him not even touching me the whole time. Even our wedding night was a fiasco. 

Again though, everything else in the marriage is amazing. I do love him very much. We are compatible in every way except this way. I just can't decide if I should stay or go.


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## Mikel (Mar 18, 2012)

well, sweetheart, I just joined this site tonight. not sure how it all works yet. or if you will even see my post. But here it goes..... "I'm a guy....". ...12 years..... think about it.... everything else is amazing???... "thats a big plus"... In my mind, You have to give him the chance to make the rest better. You met him when you were 19, you've been together for 12 years. that only puts you at 31. you are ten years younger than me.... you have a long time before you are old and unattractive....lol. I'm thinking...give him 3 months... thats plenty long enough to know if its gonna be different.... If he's not changing, then the other guy might have what it takes to make you happy..(and if the other guy is a guy that cares about you, he will give you that time)...... on the other side.. I'm really sorry for the other stuff. I truely wish it was a perfect world, but it will never be.... all we can do, is do all that we can do. Together, we will make things better.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

If you want more tell him exactly what you want or just set it up so it happens and play out your fantasies.I would get some books,find some websites and educate him on what you want and how to have sex better and let him know this is a make it or break it deal with your marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Only you can decide is you want to give your husband another chance. His treatment of he has far as your sex life has gone has been very bad. This is a form of emotional abuse.

I you want to give him a chance, do as has been expected... a 3 month period. At the end of ththe 3 months evaluate if you want to stay. The chances of your husband changing are slim.. except that you droped the atom bomb (divorce) on him. And sometimes that complete changes people ... wakes them up.

The problem with you leaving your husband for this other guy is that you have no idea how long that will last... or if he will leave after a couple of rolls in the hay. IF you keep the relationship as an affair, its about 99% sure that it's a temporary thing. Most affairs do not last.

If your husband cannot be loving and sexual with you then leaving him might be something you need to do.


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