# 2nd Marriage



## FJR

Hi,
This is my second marriage, we have been together for 11years 3 married. We entered the marriage after a lot of turmoil on both sides, 12 page prenup, no commingling of funds, a Trust document leaving me his home upon his death. He has many health issues, recovering sex addict, on medical disability. I work full time at a great job, can afford to live and travel. He bought a new house put a lot of money into it, no communication about any financial decisions because it’s his money. This was “Our Forever Home” I was so excited went out buying things to make it homey and ours....then it hit, financial problem with investments and now he changed trust to remove me from having the house.
Told me he wasn’t leaving half of his estate to me and my kids..as you can guess we are deteriorating as a couple, he broke my trust with him. He says I need to get over it and be realistic this home is 200k more then the other one and he only moved because I hated the old house. Which I did....very dark and old neighborhood. How do I get over the trust issue?


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## Andy1001

FJR said:


> Hi,
> This is my second marriage, we have been together for 11years 3 married. We entered the marriage after a lot of turmoil on both sides, 12 page prenup, no commingling of funds, a Trust document leaving me his home upon his death. He has many health issues, recovering sex addict, on medical disability. I work full time at a great job, can afford to live and travel. He bought a new house put a lot of money into it, no communication about any financial decisions because it’s his money. This was “Our Forever Home” I was so excited went out buying things to make it homey and ours....then it hit, financial problem with investments and now he changed trust to remove me from having the house.
> Told me he wasn’t leaving half of his estate to me and my kids..as you can guess we are deteriorating as a couple, he broke my trust with him. He says I need to get over it and be realistic this home is 200k more then the other one and he only moved because I hated the old house. Which I did....very dark and old neighborhood. How do I get over the trust issue?


You don’t get over it.He lied and cheated you out of your house.
Why waste your life with this guy.


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## Mr.Married

There is no trust issue to get over....ya'll never trusted each other to begin with....hence the prenup.


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## FJR

His family are wealthy and the prenup was requested by his father due to his first divorce costing a lot of money. Where she now resides in her home out in the country with no financial worries!


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## Spicy

Who is he leaving it to instead?


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## FJR

His daughter


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## Mr.Married

Kind of hard to spite him for protecting his daughter. Breaking up and losing your personal security blanket is a tough pill to swallow. You did say you have a good job so thats a big plus.


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## oldshirt

He shouldn't have left his daughter out of the trust in the first place. Did he have just cause in saying he put you in the trust under duress or under pressure?

Sounds to me like you both kind of screwed up and shouldn't have done that in the first place. 

I guess you do have a right to be somewhat disheartened since he went back on his word, but that is something you both should not have done to begin with.


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## FJR

He never left his daughter out, I was only getting the home we leave in his daughter received everything else. Now his daughter gets everything and I just continue to pay $1,000 a month rent. He pays for nothing for me...my phone, car, insurance I even pay for all the food.


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## FJR

He was leaving everything else to his daughter I just got the home which I pay 1,000 rent every month to live in.


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## Spicy

And is he the beneficiary of _your_ investments, possessions etc?


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## FJR

No my children


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## Lostinthought61

how is you will drawn up ? does he get anything? 
does he have a life insurance policy in your name? 
have you told him that you will stop investing the $1000. a month?


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## FJR

He has no life insurance and my will is set to go to my children. We are financially on different fields.
My first marriage left me with nothing, where I worked my butt off and rebuilt my life financially and mentally. I afford everything myself not relying on him at all, even having the ability to drive a luxury car. He was leaving me the house for the comfort of me having a home...his way of taking care of me. His health issues being in a way that he will not outlive me unless of an accident. Me not giving him the $1000 is a non starter...who am I to think when we got married I would expect to be taken care of!
One of our fights he said he wouldn’t leave the house for my kids.
I feel like it’s spirally downhill.


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## minimalME

Why did you get married? :scratchhead:


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## FJR

I was in a dream.... i never thought it would come down to this...he and his daughter are on my health insurance (which I make him pay for) since his is on medical disability


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## MJJEAN

FJR said:


> He never left his daughter out, I was only getting the home we leave in his daughter received everything else. Now his daughter gets everything and I just continue to pay $1,000 a month rent. He pays for nothing for me...my phone, car, insurance I even pay for all the food.


You keep your finances separate. Why should he pay anything for you?

You live in his home. Why shouldn't you pay rent? If you think he's charging you too much, renegotiate. If you'd rather be getting equity, buy a house and either live in it yourself or rent it out.

His estate took a financial hit causing him to re-evaluate and change his will so that he leaves a decent inheritance to his daughter. Which is totally his right.


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## FJR

MJJEAN said:


> You keep your finances separate. Why should he pay anything for you?
> 
> You live in his home. Why shouldn't you pay rent? If you think he's charging you too much, renegotiate. If you'd rather be getting equity, buy a house and either live in it yourself or rent it out.
> 
> His estate took a financial hit causing him to re-evaluate and change his will so that he leaves a decent inheritance to his daughter. Which is totally his right.


It was his promise to me before we got married.


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## minimalME

FJR said:


> I was in a dream.... i never thought it would come down to this...he and his daughter are on my health insurance (which I make him pay for) since his is on medical disability


Yet you've previously gone through a divorce, (so you know the pain of it), you're fiercely independent, and you went through 8 years of turmoil with this person prior to being married?

He's a recovering addict, and he broke your trust by doing what? Taking you off the trust?

And if he promised this to you prior to being married, did you have it written up as part of the prenup?

I don't know you, so this isn't personal, but it just seems sooo dysfunctional. What was the point of getting married?


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## FJR

After all this there is no point in getting married.


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## MJJEAN

FJR said:


> It was his promise to me before we got married.


In writing, signed by a judge, and filed with the appropriate county? If there is a legal agreement stating he would will his property to you, that is one thing. If he never made any such promise legally, well, why would you believe him? After the prenup you should know to get it in writing and signed by a judge or it doesn't count.


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## Wolfman1968

FJR said:


> No my children



OK, let me understand this. 

You both keep your finances separate.

You're leaving everything to YOUR kids, not him or his daughter.

However, you're upset that he's not leaving the house to you or your kids, but rather to his daughter. 

You signed a 12-page prenup. If the house is NOT in the prenup, then you legally agreed that it would go to his daughter, in essence, by the terms of the prenup.
If the prenup says, however, that the house DOES go to you upon death, then you have legal recourse by his violation of the prenup.


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## FJR

I guess looking at just this number I see where everyone seems to be going.... I have been with my husband through 6 years of sexual addiction, held him together when his life seemed hopeless. I helped raise his daughter, where her mother was absent. She didn’t even drop her off at college, family weekend, rush, shopping for rush, teaching her the small things in life, how to make Mac and cheese! This home is a fraction of his estate, small even by his family’s words....he promised me this home for all that I meant and stand for in his life...his true family. I never asked for anything, married him because I love him.

I guess I have no right...


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## minimalME

FJR said:


> I guess I have no right...


I could be totally wrong - as I said before, I don't know you. But only a very specific kind of person gets involved with an addict. 

If I were you, I'd go talk to a therapist who specializes in codependant relationships, and I'd find a lawyer.

I really do wish you the best, and I'm sorry for all your pain.


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## FJR

Thank you, I do see a therapist....my husband is 7 years in the program and leads the new members group. I know who I am and who he is, that doesn’t mean our feelings don’t get hurt


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## MJJEAN

FJR said:


> I guess looking at just this number I see where everyone seems to be going.... I have been with my husband through 6 years of sexual addiction, held him together when his life seemed hopeless. I helped raise his daughter, where her mother was absent. She didn’t even drop her off at college, family weekend, rush, shopping for rush, teaching her the small things in life, how to make Mac and cheese! This home is a fraction of his estate, small even by his family’s words....he promised me this home for all that I meant and stand for in his life...his true family. I never asked for anything, married him because I love him.
> 
> *I guess I have no right...*


No, you don't. You have no right to anything that belongs to him. By having a 12 page prenup, you agreed that you have no right to your spouses property unless it's specifically spelled out in the prenup. Whatever you've done for him and his daughter you did of your own free will and shouldn't expect compensation in terms of money or property unless it was listed in the prenup.


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