# Have filed for divorce - husband being a nightmare



## Goldplated (4 mo ago)

Hello all... I've just signed up to this forum in the hope that someone might be able to help me see the wood for the trees. I filed for divorce in mid-May after 14 years of marriage, having wanted to for a while; I hung on until the no fault law came in in the hope that this would make things more amicable (although I would have had no problem justifying it on grounds of unreasonable behaviour). Sadly this hasn't really had the desired effect and the past few months have been pretty awful. I have been coping OK, but am feeling pretty low right now and not sure how to keep pushing through this - there are at least two and a half months to go before the divorce will be finalised.

My husband is a hard-core alcoholic who hasn't worked in years and has no income or references. He constantly guilt-trips me about the fact that he has nowhere to go and will be out on the streets (conveniently ignoring the fact that despite the fact that it will be hard for him to get any sort of tenancy, he will certainly end up with a hearty injection of cash in his bank account so surely he will find a way... he is very resourceful when he wants to be). I am quite successful and have worked extremely hard to get financial security for us and our daughter (who is ten). I'm resigned to the fact that he may get 50% of everything which will mean I have to sell the house, even though it's in my sole name and I pay 100% of everything. It is a bitter pill to swallow but I will have to do it if it comes to that. What I am finding harder is the relentless verbal abuse, not just of me but of my family too. My husband regularly emails my father with nasty accusations and threats, and repeatedly tells me how unjustified my actions are and that he will make things as difficult as he possibly can for myself and our daughter. The atmosphere is hideous and he is drunk most of the time. I am finding it so hard to keep living in the same house as him, but as I said, he has nowhere to go and until we are divorced I assume he has home rights. I don't want to escalate anything or inflame the situation.

Anyone have any tips for staying calm in the face of the storm? I've had my father on the phone tonight ranting at me (my father isn't famed for his calmness) but I am not responsible for my husband's behaviour and can't do anything about it. I need to stop rising to his threats but I find it so difficult. It just all feels very dark right now and I can't imagine getting through the next few months. I also can't imagine him ever moving out, God knows how that will happen. At times I wish I had never started this and I need to find a way to stay strong.


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

I have no clue about the family laws in England, but if he is verbally abusive and threatening to you and your family, it is time you evicte him and got a restraining order against him.

He may have the right to live there, but he has no right to be abusive. Please seek legal advice and put in action what they advise you to do.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I will echo the advice on getting legal advice ASAP. 

Let's look at the big picture for a moment as it may not be nearly as bad as things seem.

You are going to have to sell your house. Your daughter is 10. She will need child support for the next 8 years or so and may need money for college or a wedding. Maybe your attorney can claim that your H's half of the house proceeds should be put into a trust to be managed for the purpose of paying half of your child's expenses. Since you can probably prove his is an alcoholic, it would not be a huge sell to convince a judge that he might just drink away money that should really be going to help support his daughter and her future expenses. A 10 year old girl needs financial support, whereas a grown man who is capable of getting a job needs less support.

Explaining the abuse to you and your father should be an easy no contact order for an attorney. In fact making him move out of the house on his own would prior to divorce, would not be unreasonable. As to the story about be kicked out onto the street. Well it would be of his own doing and you should not feel good about it. If you do feel bad, take him to an AA meeting and let him try to spin his line on them. They will not take well to his lack of self-responsibility and manipulating of others.

Good luck to you and your daughter. Focus on your daughters financial health and future. You will be fine, you soon to be ex-husband has a lot of changes he needs to make in his life, if he is to have any happiness. You are not responsible for an adult who has free will and wants to make bad decisions that destroy their life.

Again, good luck to you. Save yourself and your daughter.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

I also do not know how laws in UK work regrading this but you have my sympathy for what its worth. Sounds absolutely terrible. In the US you can ask for exclusive use of the marital property during a divorce especially if one member is deemed a threat and the threshold of proof is low. which unfortunately leads to abuse of that law. That may be an option to secure a better outcome for you. Good luck.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

When your father is ranting at you on the phone hang up on him. 

I know it's not much but hey it's something.


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