# I cheated on the man I love , and I regret it so much!!



## Steph0113 (Feb 29, 2016)

Gosh I don't even know where to begin. 
Well to start, I met my boyfriend in high school I was 16 and he was 18 about i graduate I am now 23 about to be 24 And since then we were together. 7 years. Our story is a huge roller coaster. I ran away from home because I never felt cared about in my home, coming from a divorced family and having been raised by a dad that lack giving me the attention I needed being a lonely teenager. When I ran away from home he took me in. And my parents (both of them even though they were speparated tried their hardest to keep us apart) they always saw him as a bad influence, he was just misunderstood, because he too had a troubled past. His mother abandoned him when he was 4. Eventually my parents me be. And by the time I was 18 I got pregnant and we had a baby. At first things were great, I was happy and so was he, I did everything and would have given my life for my family and the man I loved. BUT! Not long after our son was born he started hanging out a lot with his friends, and it bothered me. I was almost 19 and he was 21. He would come home drunk and sometimes he'd say mean things. But because I loved him so much I took it. I didn't like it but I never really put my foot down and even though sometimes I'd cry to him about it he'd still do it. About year later though he crossed the line, I used to work about an hour away from home and I worked a night shift, and instead of going home I stayed at my aunts because I had to be up early for work again anyways. I knew he was going to his friends but I didn't worry cause he had our son, I thought that would be enough for him to stay sober. I was wrong. I get a mean text from him at about 5am , confused I called him, and a girl answered! I asked her why she had my boyfriends phone and she claimed she thought it was her cousins and she was just playing a prank, I asked her where my boyfriend as and she said passed out drunk!! In my head I'm thinking what about our son?!?! Angry and in tears I skip work and drive immediately to them, I get there to find my son in the arms of the girl that called me, I took him from her and she says "you're son was crying" and when I look to see where my boyfriend was he was indeed passed out drunk, I hated him at that moment. And I felt stupid and betrayed. Here I am working for my family while my son isn't being cared for. I woke him up (my bf) and he starts crying he knew he had ****ed up. We go home, and I ignore him I call my father for advice and support and he takes us (my son and I) out to the beach. I really thought about leaving him then. I knew I had my fathers support. When I got home I told my bf how broken I was and that I didn't know what to do. He asked me for a second chance and I gave it to him. But I was never the same, I always had a wall up and I became cold. We were happy yes but I changed. We were good for about two years yes we fought here and there but nothing crazy. I always wanted to get married , I loved him, I would try and talk to him About us gettinh married and he would always tell me "wait 10 more years and maybe we can talk about it" it made me mad always getting turned down , I I felt unloved. Aside from the fact that he has no romantic bone in his body, even when id want us to go out it was always a battle to convince him, BUT if his friends needed something he was always there. He made me feel un important , so I became more angry with him and that eventually became into us always fighting, for anything. He always put everyone before me but I still loved him and I know he loved even though he didn't always show it.Before I finished let me talk about our sex life, in the begining it was great, but after all this started happening, it went from great to never. We never had sex, because I always felt like it was just sex , never passionate. He never even tried to get me into it. So I hated it. Our relationship was hanging by a thread. BUT I know we were still together cause we both still loved each other. Until....I made the biggest mistake of my life.... I went out one night with my best friend who also was having marital problems. I had a few too many drinks, and I slept with one of the guys we had met that night( a complete stranger) It didn't last long and I regretted it immediately...I couldnt believe what I had done and thought if i kept it to myself then it would go away....but a couple days later my bf found out. When he confronted me I told him the truth....and he broke up with me...I begged him for. A second chance , that it was a huge mistake, one that I wish never happened. I could see in his eyes the pain I had inflicted. And because of that for the first time ever I saw how much he really loved me. And I realized how much I did want us to be together even though we were both horrible to eachother. I don't want to make excuses for myself. I know what I did was the worst thing I could have done. But I regretted it. And I know I love him. After 2 weeks he decided he would give me a chance, because he claimed to still have a lot of love for me, but there would be conditions , to which I agreed. After a month things were really good, our sex was amazing again. But 2 days ago he tells me that he cannot do this, that even though he loved me and even though he knows with time he will learn to fully forgive me , he says he doesn't want to leave he needed his space. I told him to give me time, that I can try harder and we will get past this, but he says he does not want to. His pride won't let him. He has not left because he's looking for a place but while he's here he still hugs me, sleeps next to me, he kisses me and tells me he loves me but he can't be with me??? I don't know what to do anymore. I love being intimate with him, cause deep down I'm hoping he will have a change of heart, but at the same time I'm scared he will still leave. I wouldn't be trying so hard if I knew he didn't love me anymore, or if I didn't but I know he does and I know I do too....it's just frustrating when he feels that his pride is more important here....I KNOW I was selfish , and believe me I hate myself for it, but I am willing to give him my all and be better then before and I know he wants that too. He admitted to me that he doesn't want me to stop being affectionate with him cause he's afraid of losing me...but if he still leaves and I invest all my love to him before he leaves I will be even more broken then I am now...I love this man even though my one mistake might state other wise I do. And I will fight for him as long as I feel he still loves me because that means there's hope, but I'm open to any advice...what can I do?
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_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mcquestion (Jan 8, 2016)

" I had a few too many drinks"

if that's all it took, then perhaps you didn't love him as much as you thought.

swear off the drinking


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Honey, this relationship isn't worth saving. I think you're only hanging on to him because you don't want to be the bad guy.

Be the bad guy.

Start a new life with mature relationships.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Start a new life with mature relationships.


...and paragraphs....


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

I love when reading " I Cheated On My ______ ! Their side of their history and how horrible they were and then but I want to stay with in the relationship. Look you're young do you think it's going to get better. Probably not you should just separate work out the details on child-support and Move on. At your age you guys are really are not mature enough. When he goes out drinking which he will gets drunk he'll throw in your face. When you go out girls night out you will cheat on him eventually probably finally leaving him.
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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

Your entire story screams that you do not value yourself, you seem to think that to get love you have to beg for it and tolerate horrible behavior from others.

Take your son, go live with family and get yourself into therapy.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Dear Steph,

You really have started life on the wrong foot. You end up in the misery you are in now because a lack of all the 'normal' growing up healthy and sound that you missed.

Not that many persons get that ideal by the way, but I hope you get what I mean. I think you have to start over, get a therapist and (or if you do not have enough money this alone - ) educate yourself to grow a new maturity. Be the person you could have grown to be in the last twelve years.

I would advise several TedX Talks Videos, and TedX Teen Videos.

Search Results for Talks By Topic
Search for at TEDxTalks: psychology
https://www.youtube.com/user/TEDxTalks
TEDxTeen.com - Talks

Why these:

- They are Free
- They are Short (16min)
- The best scientists in the world are among them
- They have to put complete idea-systems in a short presention
- So you don't need to study many books, but get the essence quickly
- The talks you feel you like point you to core issues
- The persons you like give you inspiration!

I personally think the cheating is something you need to forgive yourself, and I hope you know he was cheating all the time on you so you could have a talk to him that this issue need to be dealt with, but his wrongdoing weighs maybe a lot heavier than yours.

You two could find that maybe there will be a basis for continuation of your relation, but your personal development is more important for your child and for yourself than this relation. 

Start rubbing off all the misery you had untill now and start growing a new life. I don't know if you believe in something or not, if you don't mind I will pray for you...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Anybody have a chainsaw? I would like to read her post but I'm afraid I would lose my way and end up running into giant spiders or elves or something....


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Look a mistake is when you do something you didn't mean to do. Cheating is a choice you make.

It sounds like you're to young to be in a committed relationship.

You need to move on and work on your life. Learn from this to be a better person for your future.

Good luck to you.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

I am absolutely no expert on the issue, you need a therapist to help you, but a quick search on youtube points me to the Love and Logic Philosophy which seems interesting:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GZtMB-P0j4
Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, interview with Jim Fay, founder of the Love & Logic Institute

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tf-sWuWlGAs
Decca Knight discusses the Love and Logic parenting philosophy and how she uses it in her role as a behavioral health counselor.

You may get some quick wins out of this, to find out what love you have missed, and how to put you on track to other ideas about how to repair this lacking love when you yourself have become a victim.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I advise spouses who cheat to never tell their spouse about it. You can forgive but never forget. How do you trust someone who has lied to you, betrayed your trust, found sexual and emotional satisfaction in the arms of another and deceived you. They have proved what they are capable of doing despite their original promise but this time they really mean it???? Another issue is a demonstrated behavior of what to expect if you two have a problem in your marriage again. Of course there is the pride issue. If others know that you were cuckolded, you become an object of pity and/or ridicule, as I learned the hard way.

In the end, it is a truth that a person's past behavior is a good indicator of their future behavior. The saying once a cheater, always a cheater did not come into being for no reason. I cut my ex loose after she cheated. I did not even ask for an explanation or who she cheated with. I loved her but I could not go through life being suspicious of her every time we were apart, when she worked late, went out with the girls, spent a few hours at the mall or whispered into her phone or shut her computer when I approached her. The problem is that even if you are 100% faithful from now on, he will not trust you 100% and it really does not matter if you cheat again or not, your husband will feel the same either way.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Seems like your BF was looking for a way out. The complete lack of sex, and what little you got - you HATED. I would even go so far to say that HE'S been sleeping around on you anyway.

So, he gets his freedom from you and the kid, he gets to party with his friends and whoever.

He's making NO effort to save your relationship... and he wasn't before you had sex with someone else.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> ...and paragraphs....


If her writing style bothers you so much why don't you go read another thread?



bandit.45 said:


> Anybody have a chainsaw? I would like to read her post but I'm afraid I would lose my way and end up running into giant spiders or elves or something....


What's up with the sh!tty comments? At least throw in some constructive advice for the OP.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As the old saying goes, "You can lead a mule to water, but you can't make him drink!"

Despite the fact that both of you knowingly cheated on each other, your relationship with him appears to be mutually toxic! But as in any contractual agreement, you have to have two parties to make it work! It's more than apparent that you don't have that number!

To wit, it's time to forgive, file for D, and move on to a life with a man who will truly love you for the woman you are! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

More often than not, I'd guesstimate 99.99% of the time, it is a bad idea for teenagers to procreate. Neither of you were mature enough to handle an adult relationship, let alone care for a baby. The day he took your son to some frat party and passed out drunk leaving a toddler in the care of other drinker strangers is the day you should have packed up your sh!t and put him in the rear view mirror. 

As for you, you're just as bad. Out with girlfriends getting drunk, hooking up with strangers in a bar. You should have been home caring for your child. And how did boyfriend find out you cheated so quickly? Clearly you didn't hide it well. If I was a betting man you wanted to get caught. He wasn't giving you attention so you wanted to hurt him. Didn't get attention from home so you ran away. Not getting attention from boyfriend so you screw a stranger. Hopefully you are seeing a therapist to discuss your history of destructive behavior.

Just leave him. Both of you are terrible. I feel very badly for your son.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> If her writing style bothers you so much why don't you go read another thread?
> 
> 
> 
> What's up with the sh!tty comments? At least throw in some constructive advice for the OP.


Why don't you go easy on the caffeine?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Cheating is just a deal breaker for many. Better to admit it now than years down the road.

For your growth, stop calling it a mistake.

You went out with a gf, started fvcking around with random strangers and let him fvck you.

You decided to lie about it and cover it up and he had to find out.

You very consciously destroyed your your relationship.

It really was off to a terrible start anyway but don't blame your behavior on any of it. That was 100% you.

If you don't like being a cheap piece of ass for random strangers and a backstabbing cheater, then change.

Become a better woman and attract a better man.

Honestly, I cannot see why you would want to stay with a guy who you can't effectively communicate with, doesn't sex you well unless there is a crisis, passed out at a party with his baby, etc....

You both honestly suck.

So make better choices and don't get into another relationship until you have grown up more and improved.

You have to be a good mate to attract a good mate.
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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. Your child needs better parents.

Please choose to be better for his sake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Why don't you go easy on the caffeine?


Likewise.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> Anybody have a chainsaw? I would like to read her post but I'm afraid I would lose my way and end up running into giant spiders or elves or something....


I have a difficult time reading and navigating walls of text like that too. I think this might help:



> Gosh I don't even know where to begin.
> 
> Well to start, I met my boyfriend in high school I was 16 and he was 18 about i graduate I am now 23 about to be 24 And since then we were together. 7 years. Our story is a huge roller coaster. I ran away from home because I never felt cared about in my home, coming from a divorced family and having been raised by a dad that lack giving me the attention I needed being a lonely teenager.
> 
> ...


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

bandit.45 said:


> Why don't you go easy on the caffeine?


Seems like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed...........


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

You were both wrong in this situation. I feel terrible for your Son, why would you want him back when you both have cheated on each other and expose your Son to such an environment. Personally I feel cheating is the one thing that is not forgivable. My Ex cheated on me with a damn UPS driver at her work and I left her. I've been celibate for about 1.5 years now and love it. Maybe you should try the same, especially if you cannot control yourself when you drink.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

I highly encourage you to check out a post by @LosingHim called I'm under a microscope. she has the exact same story but she is further down the path than you.

She's had many good days and bad but hers is a story you should be able to relate to and you may get some valuable insights from the lessons she has learned on the way.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I want to say that you need to walk all the way back to your childhood, and reconcile those things, because until you do...you will look for men and relationships to rescue you. You went from one emotionally unavailable man (your father) to this guy. I'd not be with anyone for a while, and just heal from your childhood, for I think that is ultimately what will propel you forward. This guy and the fall out of your affair, are just symptoms of a problem you most likely have never dealt with, and that is the sorrow from your childhood. ((Hugs))


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He decided that he would give you a second chance?

Oh, how damned decent of him!

The manchild who got so drunk with another woman that he forgot to look after his own baby boy? 

*He* decided to give you a second chance? 

You are now 24 and he is, what? 26 or so?

The bad news is you might be 24 but he is still only 16 in his heart.

I think it is highly likely that he has cheated on you and you know you cheated on him, both of you have exhibited behaviour that is describable as challenging. 

Marital counselling might help, but also may I suggest counselling for the both of you to address the poor childhoods you had?

No matter what happens you must make sure -this is both of you!- that your son has the best possible start in life that you can give him.

And that's not working out all that well so far, is it?:scratchhead:


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Honestly from what you describe your relationship didn't sound all that great to begin with. Maybe since that's all you know you don't know what a healthy relationship actually looks like.

Sent from my SM-G900P using Tapatalk


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> ...and paragraphs....


I didn't have time earlier today but I wanted to say that this was so damn funny I laughed all afternoon! Makes me miss my brother even more. Thanks for the good memories!


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