# violated by my husband



## beyondbetrayed (Mar 19, 2010)

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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Confront him and demand to see any "footage" that he took. Was it a live webcam or was he recording for his own use later? This is a violation of trust and you have every right to feel upset and in shock by this.

It's not the having sex part that I would be concerned with, as a married couple, it seems okay to wake your partner up for sex by starting without them, but the webcam piece of it is very concerning.


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## beyondbetrayed (Mar 19, 2010)

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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

I've never heard of chat roullette. I would say talk to him about it as soon as you can.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

FYI for HappyHer: Chatroulette is a website that pairs random strangers for webcam-based conversations. Visitors to the website randomly begin an online chat (video and text) with another visitor. At any point, either user may leave the current chat by initiating another random connection.

beyondbetrayed~
I agree with HappyHer. :iagree: I would talk to your husband, tell him you know he's been violating you in the middle of the night, tell him you woke up a few times while he was doing it, and tell him you are EXTREMELY upset and hurt by his actions (without saying "exactly" what they are). Let him know you are aware it involves non-consensual sex and the webcam. Give him one chance to admit what he's done and work it out with you. 

If he doesn't or blames then I'd suggest going to an attorney to educate yourself about your legal rights in the event of marital rape and possibly having your photos on the web. Armed with that information, you can make an informed decision about whether you want to report it to the police or become involved in the legal system. 

In order to help you deal with your feelings of betrayal and violation, here is a contact to start you on a journey of getting some help: RAINN. There is an option to talk to someone on the phone, online or find someone local so you can talk face-to-face. And by the way, I'm not a lawyer so it may or may not be the definition of a "rape" but it was surely non-consenting and that in itself is reason to feel very violated!


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## marriedbutalone (Mar 18, 2010)

if he did that to you i would not consider him a friend on the contrary id consider him an enemy. this really needs to be addressed ,and personally i wouldnt stay with a man if he did that to me,husband or not,but thats just me.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Just tell him the truth.

And if he admits it, tell him that if he ever does it again, you are divorcing him. That is not love.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Thank you Affaircare. That doesn't sound like a website I'd recommend to friends and family. I seriously hope that wasn't the case here, and if it is, there needs to be some serious boundaries put down.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Yep, Chatroulette has been in the news lately. It's not something that you want your kids exposed to, so if you have kids you might want to keep an eye on them. If your husband has been on that site someone might be putting strange ideas in his head... "Hey dude, wouldn't it be cool to actually film blah blah with your wife?" Since you are trying to "respark" your sexual life this might be his way of actually trying to do so. He might be taking videos to get himself aroused in general or even think it might be cool to watch them together. (Men tend to think differently about sex and get turned on by visual things, while women are more emotional based).

Your husband using a webcam to post sex with you without your consent though is just..well, beyond belief. As was stated before, I actually like when my husband initiates things, even when I'm sleeping, but if it were to be broadcast over the net I'd be VERY upset!

My husband has hinted in the past of taking pics/videos of me and us and while I'm pretty "liberated" sexually, I've refused. I'm just not into keeping "records" of certain things. I guess I'm private about _some_ stuff. If I woke up and saw a webcam next to my privates that laptop would be broken in two over my husband's head! I'm not as restrained as you appear to be when it comes to unpleasant surprises like that. 

What you need to do is confront your husband (isn't the fact that you are now sleeping with clothes telling him something?). Don't go ballistic but tell him you are aware of what he's doing and aren't appreciative of him doing things without your consent and you DO NOT want the internet brought into your bed. If he tries to continue this behavior than it shows a complete lack of disrespect for you and yes, it qualifies as being "violated" and I'd look into what your legal options are. 

Hopefully he's just being kinky and will care about you enough to stop once you confront him. Perhaps he sees nothing wrong with it. This age of rampant internet porn and the age of the net in general has skewed people's perceptions of privacy and morality. I think he needs to have his mindset readjusted. Good luck.


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## Angry_Man (Mar 17, 2010)

Awesome! :lol::smthumbup: Where can I get the anal footage? 

You're husband sounds like a pretty cool guy so I think you should just give him a break. You should just give him what he wants, and do anal on chat-roulette. Who knows you could like it, and it could be your new thing. 

*In any case you have to have to remember that you married him, so he now owns your body.* You have to fulfill your wifely duties. Remember that there is no such thing as martial rape. When you get married you are giving permanent sexual consent. Some feminists may have rammed through some legislation to make a b.s. law; but if you have someone like me for a: Investigating officer, District Attorney, Judge, or Juror you're case won't go anywhere. And I can guarantee you that you most likely will.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Angry_Man said:


> Awesome! :lol::smthumbup: Where can I get the anal footage?
> 
> You're husband sounds like a pretty cool guy so I think you should just give him a break. You should just give him what he wants, and do anal on chat-roulette. Who knows you could like it, and it could be your new thing.
> 
> *In any case you have to have to remember that you married him, so he now owns your body.* You have to fulfill your wifely duties. Remember that there is no such thing as martial rape. When you get married you are giving permanent sexual consent. Some feminists may have rammed through some legislation to make a b.s. law; but if you have someone like me for a: Investigating officer, District Attorney, Judge, or Juror you're case won't go anywhere. And I can guarantee you that you most likely will.


Nice.  I see that this guy is banned? I sure hope so. You are a complete and utter fool and a putz. What a jerk you are!! I hope you are thrown into a jail cell one day and given an "anal" and I'd love to see it on the internet. Then maybe you'll have some idea of what it's like to be violated and treated like the piece of crap you are.  

Oh, and BTW, I have no problem with anal sex but I do have a problem with A-holes like you.


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## beyondbetrayed (Mar 19, 2010)

Thanks to those who offered advice, we did end up talking...not sure where we stand, it will be a long road to recovery. I was right on everything and I suspect I will never know the whole truth. Hopefully I'm not out there on the internet forever somewhere.


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