# Should I end it when the trust is gone



## unknown81 (Mar 17, 2011)

*Internet infidelity and texting escorts, help*

I recently got married 11 months ago. I was never the one to be wanting to get married but he was very keen on it as he proposed 3 months after we met and at this point he was sweet and adoring so I thought I would have a year or so to be engaged to decide for sure if things would work. The past year of being married has been tough on us financially, jobs and moving. Now we are doing better as we are caught up and have good jobs. The problem we have is that my husband is obsessed with porn. He is always looking at it but beyond that I found a message on my computer for w4m on craigslist saying he wanted to do sexual things. I hacked into a secret email account and found tons of emails sent to girls saying sexual things he wanted to do. He even joined dating site POF looking for intimate encounters. Beyond this happening I told him about it and got mad at me then said he wouldn't do it again. Then a few months later I found another reply to craigslist that he denied. The last evidence of this I found on his phone. He had text messaged a girl asking if she did anal. He sent 3 texts and when I googled the number it was an escorts. I just feel so betrayed and beyond the possible infidelity or Internet addiction he has anger problems and yells and swears so talking about this gets no where. Wondering if councelling can help in these types of situations or if almost a year of marriage it's time to give up. I live in Canada and if annulment is an option the first year of marriage I would consider this so I don't feel betrayed any more
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Print out everything you found and make extra copies (to document for yourself). Show him what you printed.

He's either cheated a lot or looking too. Sorry this happened to you. I was just 1 yr into my marriage when I found out my hub was online. Later he told me that he'd been on there for awhile! 

He's putting you at risk for STDs. Get tested today.


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## unknown81 (Mar 17, 2011)

Did he ever admit to cheating. My husband hasn't admitted but I think proof of the emails and texting is enough. If he hasn't done it then he sure has thought about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

As for the dating site the yr after we married, I printed it out and showed it to him. The look on his face was priceless. Like he'd seen a ghost. Literally. He said he never met anyone off the internet but later I'd find out he was on the sites longer than I thought when he told me and was receiving pics nudes from the women. Later he also confessed to a ONS (I cheated too and confessed). I cut off contact with OM but I believe he is still lying to me. If my math is correct, he's been in contact with her for a year and half now. He denies it every time I ask him but his story does NOT add up. I know though that time reveals everything so I am bracing to find out one of these days cause I am positive he will never tell me.

It is RARE the cheater who will come out and admit it. KNOW that.


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## unknown81 (Mar 17, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unknown81 (Mar 17, 2011)

Yeah it's a shame once that trust is broken you are just waiting for the truth or the next **** up. I was considering a lie detector test just to see if he has cheated but even if he didn't it still pisses me off enough to consider divorce. If it's only a year and there's infidelity trust issues then I fear I'm wasting my time. Did you seek counseling or anything. To me it's anger and infidelity. Just showing him the text msg he threw his phone across the too
Like it's my fault. We are going to try counselling and he agreed to anger management. I swear men are nice til the day you marry them then they turn retarded. Well not always but in my case
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

unknown81 said:


> Yeah it's a shame once that trust is broken you are just waiting for the truth or the next **** up. I was considering a lie detector test just to see if he has cheated but even if he didn't it still pisses me off enough to consider divorce. If it's only a year and there's infidelity trust issues then I fear I'm wasting my time. Did you seek counseling or anything. To me it's anger and infidelity. Just showing him the text msg he threw his phone across the too
> Like it's my fault. We are going to try counselling and he agreed to anger management. I swear men are nice til the day you marry them then they turn retarded. Well not always but in my case
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


glad you added the last sentence


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

unknown81 said:


> . Did you seek counseling or anything. To me it's anger and infidelity. Just showing him the text msg he threw his phone across the too
> Like it's my fault. We are going to try counselling and he agreed to anger management. I swear men are nice til the day you marry them then they turn retarded. Well not always but in my case
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I asked to go to counselling several times and he said no. Finally he went one day, never to go back. After the separation, he agreed to going and one day didn't show up and cancelled it after the confession of his cheaeting. I also confessed I'd been with someone too. He never told me he cancelled the MC until after the fact.



Crankshaw said:


> glad you added the last sentence


Haha. 



unknown81 said:


> He even joined dating site POF looking for intimate encounters.


OMG I just went back and re-read your thread and hadn't noticed this. My stbx ALSO was on POF looking for "intimate encounters." He said he was "living with someone" and we'd only married about 9 or 10 months. I discovered it on Valentine's Day as we were getting ready to go to dinner. I was cleaning out internet history when it popped up. As brokenhearted as I am, now 4 yrs married and divorcing after 8 yrs together, from a rational point, I should have just left then. 

81, only you can decide what to do. But there are a lot of red flags here in a marriage that is so new. How long you been together?


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## Calling All Angels (Jan 3, 2013)

You are lucky you found this out early! I was not so lucky. I have two children with this man who choses this filthy behavior over our family and 20 years of marriage.

Your H has an addiction and it will only get worse. He has to get help and go to SA, it is just like drugs and alcohol. If he denies any wrong doing and doesn't come clean, YOU SHOULD RUN NOW!!! You will end up broke and depressed because he will tell you it's all your fault and any amount of sex you give him will never be good enough. It's a losing battle.

Find someone who truly knows how to have a normal emotional connection with you and doesn't live in a fantasy that you are not a part of. His brain has a non stop porno running 24/7, my H can barely focus on what the kids are saying and he can't even make eye contact with us. He will be 50 next week and gets off on high school girls. IT'S SICK!!

Is he really worth saving? Save yourself from years of pain end it now....


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## WaitForIt... (Jan 20, 2013)

Save yourself now. Save your mind, save your self esteem, save your sanity, save your hope, save your innocence and leave. Be glad you found the true him out now instead of years and years down the road. Regardless of if anything has gotten physical yet. One thing leads to another and his curiosity for "other" so soon in a marriage is foreshadowing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chicagocat (Jan 22, 2013)

Oh please save yourself now, I am on year 13 and now with two kids. I am professional, beautiful, educated and nice but all those lies create insecurity, resentment, isolation and frustration. The lies are rooted in his own insecurities and delusions. Trust is so key to relationships and I have lost my own self respect by being stupid enough to keep thinking he will change..
Four marriage therapists later, I cry every day and cope for the kids but feel physically ill and even a bit crazy. I need to get out and stay away- you too


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