# How would you rate these characteristics?



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Wanted to get some men's perspectives on something me and my H did in MC.

We had an assignment of sorts, which involved my H picking three characteristics from a list, that described me and that he appreciated about me.

The three he picked, were, "caring," "loving" and "beautiful."

Now, we are at MC because he had a recent EA, and we're working through things. I have mentioned previously that my self-esteem took a hit in terms of how I feel about how attractive I am: I feel attractive in myself, but worry how he sees me, if he found this OW more attractive, how I compare I guess.

As guys, how would you rate these? The list consisted of 70 or so characteristics, none were really negative, some would only apply to a specific gender (ie there was "handsome" as well as "beautiful"), some were generic (ie "sexy", "thoughtful".) I guess I'm looking for some generic insight into how he sees me. Obviously no one here knows him but as guys, what would you say? Would you describe your wife like this, say?


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

As a guy, if I were to generalize I would say my wife was loving, caring and beautiful. But I could think of more powerful words to get the point across.

Of those 70 characteristics (?) how would you describe yourself. Does your Husband see the woman you are, the woman you want to be, or the woman he wants you to be?

Besides which, why would he have an EA if he had a Beautiful, caring loving wife at home?


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I would not put so much stock into the concept of attractiveness. If you look at the women involved in the scandalous affairs of numerous public officials, you will note that many "Other Women" are not as attractive as the wife. I'm not convinced that attractiveness is the presiding quality that starts things rolling.

On the other hand, I think you make a good point. Caring, loving, and beautiful are also qualities that one would use to describe your mother or grandmother.


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## Danny Boy (May 25, 2011)

BigToe said:


> I would not put so much stock into the concept of attractiveness. If you look at the women involved in the scandalous affairs of numerous public officials, you will note that many "Other Women" are not as attractive as the wife. I'm not convinced that attractiveness is the presiding quality that starts things rolling.
> 
> On the other hand, I think you make a good point. Caring, loving, and beautiful are also qualities that one would use to describe your mother or grandmother.


Not that he's a public official but the situation that stands out most in my mind is Hugh Grant, Elizabeth Hurley and that prostitute. I mean, come on! Obviously, Hugh can get any woman he wants...he landed Elizabeth and he CHOSES the prostitute over one of the world's most physically attractive women? It definitely doesn't have to do with looks. In all honesty as a guy, if I had to choose between going home to hopefully have sex with Elizabeth Hurley (if Hugh wasn't getting any) or have a sure bet in an ugly prostitute, I would go for Liz...especially if she were the one I made the vows to...but that's me.

Side note. I would use beautiful, gorgeous and stunning interchangeably to describe my wife. Maybe my definition of beautiful is different than everyone elses though.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

He said the OW was attractive, but not in a "OMG she's stunning" kinda way, just that she was nice looking. With that I think a huge part was that she made it very clear to him and everyone else she liked him. I don't feel it was much more complicated than that, a massive boost to his ego.

We spoke about it the other day and he said I was caring because I looked after him when he was ill. I laughed, but inside I was like, um isn't that why you love your mom? Do you love a spouse because they look after you when you are ill? If he were single and looking, would he be attracted to someone because they looked after him when he was ill?

And yeah, why would he have an EA if I was so loving, caring and beautiful? I must admit I was disappointed those words were what he picked.

How would *I* describe myself? I'll have a think about that.


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