# DO you agree that if you are in abusive situation that person should file for divorce



## johnny3328 (Nov 25, 2013)

My wife seperated about 2 months ago because of domestic violence. She have left me,I have try to contact her since without any sucess. She clearly doesnt want to talk to me or have anything to do to me. I made a mistake and Im very aware of that and i'm very remorseful but I feel like since i physically abuse her it shouldnt take 2 months for her to file for divorce, especially hows she acting towards me.

Im getting fed up and tired waiting for her to forgive me and atleast talk to me. So I took the libert this morning in filing for divorce. She will be getting the papers tomorrow. It only cost me $250 to file, she also works full time. 

Do anyone else think in a situation like this someone should file for divorce inmediately from a abuser?


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

It's her choice to make.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

johnny3328 said:


> My wife seperated about 2 months ago because of domestic violence. She have left me,I have try to contact her since without any sucess. She clearly doesnt want to talk to me or have anything to do to me.* I made a mistake and Im very aware of that and i'm very remorseful but I feel like since i physically abuse her it shouldnt take 2 months for her to file for divorce, especially hows she acting towards me*.
> 
> *Im getting fed up and tired waiting for her to forgive me and atleast talk to me. So I took the libert this morning in filing for divorce*. She will be getting the papers tomorrow. It only cost me $250 to file, she also works full time.
> 
> Do anyone else think in a situation like this someone should file for divorce inmediately from a abuser?


Actions speak louder than words, you don't seem "that" remorseful to me.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

My advice to anyone in an abusive relationship is to leave. After they are safe, either the abuser gets adequate and continuous help in the form of IC which must be verified by the abused, or divorce. Who are you to say when she is ready to take action.
And your remorse is where again?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I read/heard it takes more than a year of hard work for a person to change. While your intentions may be to change, you need to seek help for yourself. You have no right to hurt anyone, you need to understand your behavior and fix it. She may be more willing to return later when you have really changed.
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## whataboutthis? (Apr 5, 2013)

When someone is physically abused they have fear. You wife is most likely not contacting you because she has fear. She is probably working on herself, healing from the abuse. 

We all have basic needs. At the most basic level we need to feel safe. When that level of safety is violated it is psychologically damaging. She is probably fixing herself before she can endure the emotions of dealing with the marriage.

If you chose to end this chapter and file, that is your decision. But you need to realize that you have put your wife in a painful situation. You caused this. Getting angry because she is not communicating with you suggests that you have not taken full responsibility for the hurt you have inflicted (physical and mental).

Loss is not remorse. Remorse is fully realizing your actions. Taking accountability for those actions. And seeking professional help so that those actions do not repeat.

An example of fully realizing your actions is doing as self assessment. See and accept what you have done and how it has hurt her. An example of taking accountability for those actions is verbally stating in specifics, "I did (fill in the blank) to you. I made you feel (fill in the blank). I need help." Even if you have to write these things in a letter if you can't speak to her. Seeking professional help is the biggest factor here and I'm not saying that for the sake of your marriage. I am saying that because until you address your physical abuse it is bound to repeat, either with your wife or with a new relationship.

It took bravery to post and seek advice. Please consider the advice constructive and use it to better yourself and your situation.

Good luck to you.


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## littlejaz (Oct 17, 2013)

You really don't get it. It has been 2 months and you are tired of waiting on her to forgive you. In 2 months she has barely had time to wrap her head around what you did. If you were truly remorseful, you would give her however much time she needs to get past this and that may be forever. She may never get over it. You should give her the time she needs to process all this and if you can't do that then file and get it over with.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Have you always been abusive with her?
What did you do? Did you hit her? Have you been hitting her?

Like someone said, it's her choice whether to file or not but it seems like you already went ahead and did it so I'm not really understanding your question. 

Personally, I would not stay with a man who physically abused me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

The OP is banned... Don't expect responses. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why'd he get banned?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm thinking because he's posted the same message repeatedly under different user names. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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