# Husbands needy friend.



## sarah1003 (Jan 11, 2012)

Hi everyone.
i have been married for about a year now. There is one pressing issue in my marriage that i dont know how to deal with. It is one of my husband's female friend. They have known each other for several years (appr 10-12). ?However she phones him a lot, wants to always 'hang out' with him (i m never invited) and recently at a party at our house she was very close ie physically close with my husband. I constantly tell my husband about how hurt i am by this, how disrespected i feel but he simply brushes me off as being jealous or something. I just want some advice in dealing with this issue. Help!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tell him that he should not be dating anyone while married to you. IF he's hanging out with her without you, he is having an EA right in front of you.

Does he send her text messages from his cell?
Does he use a computer to communicate with her?

You might want to take a few days to find out more about this relationship before you confront him.

Do you feel strong enough about this to divorce him if he will not stop his friendship with her?


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## sarah1003 (Jan 11, 2012)

Thanks for the advice.
Yep he sends her texts, replies to phone calls right in front of me even when its 'our' time together. Texts come in the middle of the night. They are mostly her needing someone to talk to and he describes his relationship with her as a counsellor. I have seen the texts and they are mostly about what she is upto (for eg she may be out on a date and will text him telling him about the date, food etc etc), or she may have a break up and will call him in the middle of the night saying she wants to kill herself. Lets say she confides in my husband with of course no resistance from him. 
This bothers me enough to keep me up at night but i just need some reassuarnce from people that have been through this before that this is worth considering a separation/divorce and its not simply jealously.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

sarah1003 said:


> This bothers me enough to keep me up at night but i just need some reassuarnce from people that have been through this before that this is worth considering a separation/divorce and its not simply jealously.


He hangs out with the OW alone without you being invited. At a party he lets her hang all over him such that if anyone not know that he was married to you would think that he was at the party with her. He confides in her and she confides in him. He is having an EA right in front of you that is keeping you up at night and he does not care. You have more than enough reason to divorce him. I honestly would have never put up with such a thing in the first place and never married him until he stopped dating this other woman (dating does not require sex BTW).

You need to tell him to choose either her or you. That there cannot be 3 in a marriage. That he must break off all future contact with his EA partner forever or you will divorce him. Be prepared for him choosing her. If he does pick her, be thankful that you found out now, rather than later, after you invested time and had children with him. Do not look back, your life will be happier in the long run.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Was this hidden from you when you were dating him?


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## Dellia (Jan 6, 2012)

sarah1003 said:


> Thanks for the advice.
> Yep he sends her texts, replies to phone calls right in front of me even when its 'our' time together. Texts come in the middle of the night. They are mostly her needing someone to talk to and he describes his relationship with her as a counsellor. I have seen the texts and they are mostly about what she is upto (for eg she may be out on a date and will text him telling him about the date, food etc etc), or she may have a break up and will call him in the middle of the night saying she wants to kill herself. Lets say she confides in my husband with of course no resistance from him.
> This bothers me enough to keep me up at night but i just need some reassuarnce from people that have been through this before that this is worth considering a separation/divorce and its not simply jealously.



Yes, I've been through this before and it was all a cover up for what was really going on. That woman knows what she's doing and she is blatantly letting you know that he was hers first and has no respect for YOU, as the wife, and furthermore, your husband is disrespecting you and putting HER feelings first!
Sorry, but this stirs up old feelings in me and how blind I had been for so long. Put a stop to it. Don't accept it. A true friend knows where to draw the line, in another's marriage! Best wishes to you.


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## sarah1003 (Jan 11, 2012)

Thanks. Gives me some reassurance that its not simply jealousy.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Sarah---WAKE UP

Did you put your H., in a headlock, and FORCE him to say I DO

Married Husbands---DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT---go off with other women---I DON'T CARE WHAT THE REASON IS---They do not flirt and mess around at parties, their life is with their wife!!!!

You are what?, One year into a mge.,---it should be nothing but starry-eyed romance, and love---and there shouldn't even be anyone else to even think about but you

You need to get in your H's face, and tell him straight out,---He is to go NC with this other woman, NOW, or DIVORCE IS IMMEDIATELY ON THE TABLE----and Do Not Back Down

If you do not have kids yet---DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING PREGNANT TILL YOUR HUSBAND BECOMES A HUSBAND!!!!!


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Yes you are jealous.....so whats wrong with that? You have reason to be. She is a damsel in distress and that is huge bait for a guy. Most of us are geared to help a damsel in distress. Its in our DNA so you are right to feel threatened. Stand your ground and tell him yep you are jealous so he needs to do something about it. 

He should not want his wife to have to feel this way. He should want her to feel secure. Anything else is not acceptable. 

He is dismissing it as "just jealous"
The way to beat that argument is for you to take possession of it and own it. Say yes I'm jealous and you should want me to feel secure. That's your job as a husband! He doesn't necessarily have to suddenly disassociate himself from her but he has to begin to distance himself until she is really nothing but an everyday friend.

If he cant do it that way then yes he needs to cut her off at the knees.


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