# ADHD and divorce



## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience with a child who might have ADD or ADHD when the other parent doesn't want to accept it? 
Or you have to go through everything yourself, make the decisions yourself and you have no one else to help, maybe the ex just makes things harder. 
Maybe the ex might have ADD too.
Do you get the kid evaluated if they are on the edge of normal behavior? 
Can you get your child medication if the other parent doesn't agree?


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## missmim (Dec 29, 2012)

Yes I would get my child evaluated if there might be a chance. Information is power and add/ADHD can be very difficult to maintain a semblance of a normal life. If your child is on the edge of normal, or highly functioning, the diagnosis could open doors to councilors who could teach coping skills.

I grew up in a family riddled with ADHD. Both my siblings had pretty severe add, mine was diagnosed mild. Both underwent treatment while one needed medication, the other was able to function by being taught coping methods. My sister who the most severe ADD traits, almost didn't graduate high school, was placed in a special class and basically had to show up to school to get a passing grade. After the diagnosis, and subsequent medication and therapy she went onto college and has become a pretty successful adult in a highly sought after field.  If she stops taking her meds though....her life spirals out of control. They are both thankful for the push from my mother to figure out what was wrong. 

On a similar note, I have been searching and lurking on this website (and some others) for almost a year to try and figure out what was wrong in my marriage. Every story that seemed similar to my own, the posters SO was labeled as passive aggressive, or having some sort of personality disorder. That if they really wanted to change they would. That if they really loved you they would follow through, that if they cared they would pay more attention ( which is pretty much impossible to do without treatment) to give them an ultimatum and divorse them if changes arent made (again, nearly impossible without treatment) It was potentially dangerous to our marriage. I thought my husband could be just plane mean, abusive and evil for his actions or more importantly, his inactions. We were very close to separating. 

What we recently discovered is that he had adult ADD. You think I would have recognized it, being around it so much as a child but I realized the interaction and relationship of a couple is very very different than that of a sibling. This untreated disorder wrecked havoc on both our lives, and had he been diagnosed as a child, we may have known earlier what we were dealing with and could have put the steps in place to mitigate the negative traits (distraction, aparent apathy, trouble following through, impulsivity, disorganization) and potential disaster, while maximizing the positive ones (creativity, intelligence among others). 

This was typed on my iPhone, sorry for any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

Thanks for responding. I really wish I had the perfect solution. Her father has symptoms of it too but he refuses to get help for it. 
I am afraid that no matter which road I travel I'll be wrong. I think I'm going to have her at least evaluated and see what comes from that. 
Her dr said he saw tendencies in her just from being with her for ten minutes.


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## CaliDad (Jul 4, 2014)

Oldfaithful: This is my situation EXACTLY. My son, now 16 1/2, has been manifesting symptoms of ADHD ever since grade school. His mother and I divorced when he was 3. She has been in denial as to the reality of his condition all this time. When his academic performance started to tank (about midway through 8th grade), I finally prevailed on her to get him evaluated. We went to an area doctor who is the local authority on ADHD. His diagnosis? My son is dealing with (his words) "severe ADHD." His mother continues to live in denial. She refuses to consider medication. She refuses to cooperate with any alternative treatments or behavioral therapy. In her world, he's a "normal" teenage boy, and if we'd all just stop TALKING about his as though he had a problem, everything would be rosy. Here's the real issue: every time I manage to get a new professional into the conversation (MD, therapist, school psychologist, etc.), as soon as they perceive that we exist in a "shared custody" environment, they immediately BACK OFF. They're afraid to do anything unless the parents are speaking with one voice. Which, in our case, is just not possible. So, I do whatever I can think of, but he's only with me part-time, and I can't take the steps I'd REALLY like to take. It's frustrating as hell. I read all the time about the things that likely happen to kids whose ADHD goes undiagnosed/untreated, and THAT scares the hell out of me.



Oldfaithful said:


> I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience with a child who might have ADD or ADHD when the other parent doesn't want to accept it?
> Or you have to go through everything yourself, make the decisions yourself and you have no one else to help, maybe the ex just makes things harder.
> Maybe the ex might have ADD too.
> Do you get the kid evaluated if they are on the edge of normal behavior?
> Can you get your child medication if the other parent doesn't agree?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Oldfaithful said:


> I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience with a child who might have ADD or ADHD when the other parent doesn't want to accept it?
> Or you have to go through everything yourself, make the decisions yourself and you have no one else to help, maybe the ex just makes things harder.
> Maybe the ex might have ADD too.
> Do you get the kid evaluated if they are on the edge of normal behavior?
> Can you get your child medication if the other parent doesn't agree?


I know you're looking to do what's right by your son Oldfaithful. That's what we all do. Please get more than one opinion though. Ridalin and adderall are mind altering drugs and they are no joke. Plus they get over prescribed. Our pediatrician was quick to prescribe it for my oldest son. Seemed to work but it was more of a placebo effect. Plus kids can quickly make a diagnosis become a crutch for their behavior.

More to your question though, you may have the ability to put him on medication whether his father agrees or not but I would hope if you really think it's the right thing to do, then his father will respect your sincerity and agree for a trial basis.

Hope everything works out for your son.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Do you pay child support? The laws in each state differ but in my state as long as someone is paying child support the state technically is supposed to act in the best interest of the child. 

A friend of mine had an ill child, a different condition from yours and one parent refused to acknowledge it while one sought treatment. Doctors would do the same thing as your case when one parent didn’t agree they backed off. My friend ended up going thru child support who basically hired a lawyer to oversee the best interests of the child. It might be something to research in your state.


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