# My boyfriend hates my son



## starfish

I have known my boyfriend for fifteen years - since we were five. We have been together on and off throughout that time, but only since we became adults got serious. He recently got back from Afghanistan with the Canadian Army, and when he got back, he moved in with me.

I have a two year old son from a previous relationship. The father turned out to be very mentally ill, and I eventually had to leave him. When I did, I was very sensitive about the whole thing and offered him so much - but I never heard from him again. Secretly, I was grateful.

When my boyfriend, lets call him "James", moved in he was so amazing. He took such an interest in my son and loved being at home with us. Everything was running very smoothly until recently when things got a little rough because we got pregnent - and couldnt keep it due to my alcohol intake (I obviously didnt know. I would never have drank if I knew). We went through hell. 

Suddenly, he has turned on my two year old in the most vile of ways. Calling him an idiot, telling me he hates him and doesnt want to see, smell, hear him or even know hes around. I am so hurt by this because I love my little boy so much; he is the light of my life. He is my little man, and I couldnt be happier that I have him. 

I am so upset. I do love "James" so much, and I want him to stay - he is and always has been so right for me. But I cannot have him treating my innocent two year old like dirt. 

What the HELL do I do????


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## starfish

I feel like .. if I don`t keep my two year old quiet all the time, "James" will leave me. I feel so torn and upset. "James" is constantly telling my little boy to shut up and such. He does not allow him to be two. I have to give him early naps, early bedtimes and if he so much as squeaks, I have to silence it or "James" gets so mad. He isn`t willing to move an inch or try at all. 

Please, somebody repy. Please help me.


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## HappyHer

He is abusing your son and needs to leave immediately. Your son is all ready at risk for mental issues due to his father's genes and being invalidated by being called and idiot and told to shut up is going to greatly increase the risks of developing some very serious behavioral issues.

Tell him to leave until he gets into counseling. Grief counseling for losing the baby, and anger management in order to better deal with a baby in a healthier manner than what he is doing now.

I know you love him, but that is the only way and you HAVE to protect your son.


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## starfish

HappyHer said:


> He is abusing your son and needs to leave immediately. Your son is all ready at risk for mental issues due to his father's genes and being invalidated by being called and idiot and told to shut up is going to greatly increase the risks of developing some very serious behavioral issues.
> 
> Tell him to leave until he gets into counseling. Grief counseling for losing the baby, and anger management in order to better deal with a baby in a healthier manner than what he is doing now.
> 
> I know you love him, but that is the only way and you HAVE to protect your son.


I needed somebody else to say it. I know you`re right. Without "James", I have barely any money, no car, no computer, etc. Of course none of that matters more than my little boy - but thoes are things to concider. You`re right. I shouldnt stand for it. Not for a moment. I just have such a hard time letting go.:scratchhead:


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## HappyHer

You'll get by without the money and the computer for awhile. There are social services that will be willing to help, a library that offers free internet access, and you might have friends/family that might help stand by you. The inconvenience of that struggle is temporary, but the effects of abuse to your son could last his entire life and even carry on to your grandchildren.

Really, don't delay sweetie. I know it's hard and that you probably feel like you are tearing your own heart out. But if this man really loves you, he will do what it takes to make things work after his initial anger of being asked to leave.


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## starfish

HappyHer said:


> You'll get by without the money and the computer for awhile. There are social services that will be willing to help, a library that offers free internet access, and you might have friends/family that might help stand by you. The inconvenience of that struggle is temporary, but the effects of abuse to your son could last his entire life and even carry on to your grandchildren.
> 
> Really, don't delay sweetie. I know it's hard and that you probably feel like you are tearing your own heart out. But if this man really loves you, he will do what it takes to make things work after his initial anger of being asked to leave.


I was fine without him, and I will be fine after him. I just dont want to admit defeat! I do not want another failed relationship behind me! I am so..upset. I really thought it would work with him. But my son will always come first. And he has to leave. I am so sad I tried ... SO HARD and he wouldnt try at all.


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## HappyHer

He may not have a reason to change. Most people don't change until the pain of not changing is too much, and some people still won't. That is sad, but you aren't to blame. You tried hard and you will be more than fine when you are free of the problems he brought to your life.


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## greeneyeddolphin

There is nothing to decide here: leave him. Your child is more important than this man, I don't care what kind of history you have together. 

I have two children, both of whom belong to my former husband. My boyfriend would NEVER treat them the way you describe "James" treating your son, but IF he ever did, he'd be out of my life so fast he'd spend the rest of his life trying to figure out what the heck just happened. 

Trust me, it'll be hard, and yes, you might have to do without some things you'd really like to have, and maybe even a few that you need, but the benefits far outweigh the sacrifices. Leave him for the sake of your child.


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## bellringer

Do you ever read cnn.com most stories of children getting murdered are by the boyfriends. I am going through a divorce as we speak and because of cnn I am terrified of getting involved with someone else. I dont like my stbx yelling at my son let alone a guy i am dating. I would tell him to screw if he ever talked to my son like that. there is alot of help out there that you can find. do it for your son.


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## savemyfamily

I totally agree with the other people who have replied. Anyone who can "hate" a 2 year old is dangerous! Seriously-- you have to be the mother bear here and get away from this man immediately. Your son's life or well being is at stake. 

That may sound dramatic but I'm a nurse and the hospital I work in has a steady stream of brain injured children coming through our ICU from non-accidental injuries. Many of the children end up dying or brain damaged. Guess who is the most common suspect? You guessed it-- the mom's boyfriend! RED FLAGS my dear!!!!


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## unbelievable

It's not unusual at all for soldiers to act out of character when they get back from combat deployment. Army OneSource has numerous resources to get him some help. If he acted the same way before deployment, he's just a mean, violent person and poison for your life. Your guy may have PTSD. Any normal person who lives in a combat environment for 12 months is going to have at least some readjustment issues. It's also possible that he's resentful for the loss of his own son, blames you, and is lashing out at your's. I think he needs counseling quick. While he's getting it, it might be best that he find other living accomodations, just for the safety of your child. Your boyfriend may or may not be a bad or dangerous person, but it sounds as if he is at least deeply troubled.


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## starfish

Thank you, everyone for your replies. 
I want you ALL to know that he is gone. I kicked him out last Sunday. It was the hardest thing..but it's done and its over now. And now my son doesn't cower in fear and is allowed to sing and dance again. I will be fine. I got a new little job  Should make good money soon. I have my whole life ahead of me. It took me too long to put down my damn foot - my son is a little person who deserves to have respect and his innocence respected. I could never stand for such behavior again. 

That's my son.


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## HappyHer

Congratulations Starfish! You made the right choice and hearing of your little one's happiness is the best news I've gotten all day.

Great Job, for you and your son!


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## turnera

Good for you!


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