# Prenup a good idea or not?



## mauro (Apr 18, 2013)

So here's the deal. My fiancee and I are getting married in a couple weeks. To say we have had a historically volatile relationship would be putting it mildly. Yet through all the ups and downs, love seems to have prevailed, so here we are.

Financially speaking, we are in different places. I own a house and some property. I have a decent amount of assets, nothing to qualify me as wealthy by any means, about 450k with everything combined, including taxable portions. She has next to nothing, lives paycheck to paycheck. She also has wracked up some debt. I have debt too, but mine is just for paying off big ticket items, hers is on actual credit cards. She will be coming to live in my house (well, our house). Her daughter will live there for a bit before going off to school. When asked about the prenup a couple months ago, she was willing to sign. That was also during a bad moment though, when she probably would have agreed to anything. She brought it up a little later and kind of had an attitude about how I don't trust her.

So here is the deal. Prenups require full disclosure. To this day, she does not know the full amount of assets I have. I have been uncomfortable disclosing this because she is, quite frankly, not the best with money. To add another fold, she loves to spend money on new things for the house and on material goods. She claims to be a bargain shopper, but only along the lines of spending $2,500 instead of 3k lol. I am going to be losing my job because my company is relocating and I am not. I am of course actively searching.

I have no problem getting a prenup in theory. But the fact that full disclosure is required makes me very anxious. In her eyes, she will probably think I have a ton of money and get angry at me for acting like money is a concern and being afraid of spending too much when I have what I do. Oh, and I am also fully paying for the wedding, the honeymoon and new appliances for the house. So I am trying to figure out if I am getting myself in trouble more by disclosing the assets that I have for protection in the unlikely event of a divorce or if I am better off just keeping a lid on things until we get nice and cushy in the marriage. She doesn't necessarily have to divorce me to get what she wants anyway, she has been good at manipulating me to spend in the past. I have to get better at saying no lol. Any thoughts based on the situation if a prenup is a good idea?


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I mean this with due respect, but if you are afraid to talk about money, have not felt comfortable with full disclosure, and have a volatile relationship, you might want to give serious thought to whether you two are really marriage material.

Sure, the prenup will help protect you a bit if you get married, but should you really be getting married if you are afraid to be honest with your partner?

PS Things will never be more "nice and cushy" as they are now.


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## mauro (Apr 18, 2013)

I hear you. So maybe I should just lighten up and be fully honest and disclose everything...


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You have bigger problems than a prenup can fix.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Get the pre-nup

But... why are you getting married if you say you have a "historically volatile relationship?" That doesn't sound healthy or loving.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Get the prenup now. The law is not on your side. Ask any divorced man on this site. By not getting the prenup you're giving your soon-to-be wife the full power of the state to take your current and future assets and transfer them to her. It is a massive transfer of power, and given that you have a volatile relationship already this will make it much worse. No prenup, no wedding, period.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Just because your relationship has been volatile in the past does not mean it cannot be a long term success so if you are both sure it is what you want there is no reason not to marry.

Given your very different financial situations I would advice that you do get the prenup (and be thankful they are recognized as they are not over here). Full disclosure (not just financial) should IMHO be a must before marriage.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

There may also be issues with the timing of the prenup - if it's signed right before the wedding, in a divorce she could successfully claim it was signed under duress and have it thrown out. Also, depending on the state you are in there may be a necessary 'evaluation period'. California has a 'seven day rule' law, which says seven days must pass between the time you are first presented with a premarital agreement, and the time you sign.

Defiantly check with an attorney, it will be money well spent, and under *ALL* circumstances you need not back down and not do it. I know the downside of this first-hand.

As others have indicated, based on what you have said here, there are issues in your relationship we hope you wile examine.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You are apparently financially responsible and you appreciate the security that stable finances afford. Why would you hook up with an irresponsible spender whom you can't even trust enough to tell her what you own? Every couple is going to head-butt once in a while but if you find someone with similar values on the core issues, life will have a whole lot less drama. Money management, religion, childbearing and child-rearing are all issues that need to be ironed out before any nuptials, IMO.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I was lucky that my STBX wasn't at all materialistic as we managed to sign a postnup even leading to our divorce avoiding the dramas that may occur if we couldn't reach settlement. However, most people aren't so carefree with potential cash, and that's fact.

Protect yourself mate, if my STBX was a normal woman, I would have been f--ked by now and would have lost my business AND house. Now I just lost my house and its assets and working capital but the business survives. Save yourself the trouble...

PRENUP NOW


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Pre nup without a doubt. I would not consider living with or marrying someone without one. I have kids by my first marriage and everything that is mine MUST be protected for them.

But as the other have said you have bigger issues than that, do some serious thinking about this marriage before you go ahead.

And it is not just men that need to be pro active when it comes to pre nups. I have very considerable assets including properties and other investments. I have no personal debt and would never take on anyone elses. This year I was gifted a cash advance on my future inheritance which is enough to buy another house outright, no way am I going to risk any of that.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

mauro:

The fact that YOU haven't fully disclosed your assets may also mean that SHE hasn't fully disclosed all her DEBTS!

Teen daughter moving in with newlyweds....yeah, that'll kill the sex life!

I do NOT see this 'volatile' relationship ending well. I see YOU feeling cheated, duped and used as a giant ATM...maybe I'm jaded....


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