# mind games?



## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

I recently asked my H to move out about a month ago. He's still in the house. Here is what's going on (just the facts, trying to leave emotion out), and I need an honest opinion: Am I being just a horrible person for not trying, or is he playing mind games? 

I asked him to move out about 4 weeks ago. 
For the first 3 weeks he was telling me the entire time he was going to go to homeless housing that the VA offers. 
I got the feeling that he was waiting around for me to ask him to stay, and maybe toying with my emotions, and everyone told me he probably was.
When we were going to separate I told him I want one month to myself. I wasn't going to make any snap decisions either way.
He said a month was too long, and he'd probably get over me by then. 
The next day he appologized and said he didn't mean it. 
About a week ago he was ready to move out in 2 days... and he was going to go and stay with his parents!
Then when the day came for him to move out, I came home, and calmly asked him if he needed me to drive him over there (we only have one car). 
He said that I can't legally kick him out, I'd have to evict him if I wanted him out, and that that would probably take a few months to do. 
He didn't leave, and didn't even tell his parents he wasn't going to be coming until about 3 days later, even though they were calling him every day. 
Now he finally applied to school (which is somethign i wanted him to do for the longest time). He's been in school for 4 years with no degree and no direction. He applied just to apply, which he fully admitted to, and said he has no idea what he'll do with the degree or what kind of job he'll get. 
But he said I should be happy that he applied. 
Then I told him (again) that he needed to work full time in the meantime so that we could get a second car. (he works a PT minimum wage job). 
he said that I should stop spending money so that we can have more money. (mind you a maybe spend a total of $100 a week, including dinners that WE go out to, and coffee and dessert that WE go out for!). 
He says he wants to work on our marriage. And by his standards he IS trying to make this work. He even cleans the house and is nice to me. 

BUT... I can't help but feel like he likes to twist things around so that i look like the bad guy. Like oh I'm kicking him out of the house (that I bought, that I own solely, and that I work for!) , like I want him to work full time so we can have a second car, and that I'm so horrible for it all. There is no romance in our relationship, nor has been for over a year now (rarely, like maybe 1x every 2 months). we're both under 30 years old, no children. 

I feel so horrible. 
But I'm so utterly miserable in this. 
I am not attracted to him anymore as a man, and I have lost my respect for him. He's not the person I thought I was marrying. I think I'm a pretty hard worker, and he sort of turns me into the bad guy the second anything I say puts any sort of responsibility on him.


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## lasgirl (Mar 3, 2012)

If after getting married I was told that they would be over me in a month right then I would know it's not worth it to stay. Only going off of what you wrote, I would think its mind games. Both people in a relationship should be giving 100%, not 50-50 or 80-20. The fact that he hasn't bothered to find a way to earn enough money for a second car just shows that he is lacking the respect for you to even bother trying. Just my honest opinion.


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