# Does the media harm relationships by perpetuating unrealistic ideals for our partners



## DaveWalters (Aug 26, 2013)

Do you think the media makes our relationships more difficult by perpetuating unrealistic ideals for our partners? 

Do you think in the case of women who constantly read romance novels, do they become overexposed to the hyper-melodrama of leading characters in novels, and begin judging and disapproving of their husbands because they don’t act and speak like that of these fictional heroes of romance and seduction?

Likewise, with men who are more responsive to visual imagery and overt sexual behavior, does watching an adult movie give them false impressions that ‘normal’ women are model-thin, perfect C-cup, clean-shaven, and vigorously responsive to all sexual advances?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

As an avid reader of erotica, though not so much the romance, I can tell you that it has effected me in very positive ways and my husband is the absolute beneficiary of that effect.

This is interesting because a while ago I read an article, I'll try to find it again, that posited modern TV was harmful in the stereotype of husbands as over weight, clueless, hapless numbskulls who mean well but can't get things right without their wives making it that way. King of Queens, Everybody Love Raymond..and other TV shows of that ilk. In popular TV, Men are portrayed as hapless fatties or impossibly macho alpha dudes. There is no middle ground. Since there are very few navy seals among us it seems the modern man doesn't have a realistic role model on TV...though I admit to not being very current since I hardly ever watch TV.

I can't speak for men in general, but I know my husband enjoys the easy response that porn portrays, however he gets bored with it and prefers the real thing...or so he says...


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I think the romance/erotica that women are fond of is only harmful in that it usually portrays a man who knows your body better than you do and knows many mysterious way of getting you off with you hardly doing anything. 

Porn is harmful if a man gets his sex education from it. He might get the impression that all you have to do to get a woman off is let her go down on you and then jackhammer her.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Don Jon (2013) - IMDb


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## fix this (Nov 14, 2012)

Yup, I know a few women that were raised to believe they're entitled to a man that is perfect in every way, that will act like their white knight, that will be 100% selfless and true to them, even if they don't reciprocate. It's really sad. It's NEVER a good idea to idealize anyone, because, well, no one is perfect. The trick is accepting someone you chose to be your other half for who they are. And not setting sky high standards for a potential mate. Not because it's arrogant, but because if that's what you're going for, you're in for a rude awakening. Yes, same goes for men. I remember after my husband began watching porn, I noticed a change in his behavior during sex, like getting his **** shoved down my throat, slapping (which i don't mind unless it gets more painful than sexy), and just overall being more rough in the bedroom. He let me check out his porn, and I noticed the women in it always acted like they enjoyed those things, they looked like they were choking, while very badly faking their joy and excitement. Problem is, if men start watching that kind of stuff since they're teenagers, it will not only give them the wrong impression of what women want, it will TRAIN them to get off using these thoughts and scenarios, which won't make a lot of women happy in real life, so now they might very well be on their way to sexual frustration and withdrawal from real connection because they trained themselves to like and only be turned on by rough, unrealistic sex and women who's entire purpose is to please them, rather than just emotional sex with other human beings who have needs just like them.


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

I watched a programme on TV here in the UK about a year ago which was questioning whether porn has changed how young men like women to look. A group of about a dozen young guys lined up in front of a group of around a dozen girls. Firstly the girls had no tops on (it was a mixture of different sizes and real and fake boobs) and the guys were asked which breasts the preferred, they almost all chose the fake boobs over the real ones, real ones were considered "droopy". The guys then looked at the "vajayjays" of the girls, some bald, some with hair. They *all *were absolutely horrified with the vajayjays with hair and found them repulsive. Now obviously this was just a tv programme, I don't know whether it accurately reflects the real world. It did make me feel glad though that I will not be part of the dating scene again with my real but very modestly sized boobs and my strawberry blonde haired vajayjay, thankfully my hubby loves my natural look.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Not really looking for another wife, but if I was, I wouldn't be interested in a manikin regardless of how she may appear to be picture perfect.


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## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

Well I am a younger man and all I can say is 1. fake boobs are nowhere near as good as real ones and only one thing worse are fat boobs(yes they are different to real ones) 2. hair down there doesn't have to be completely gone but at least neat (same for us guys too)

As for porn and so on I don't think it does, I think its more of a persons perspective on reality if any person thinks that a porn scene is real then they have lost grip on reality and same goes for those romantic novels.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

RedRose14 said:


> I watched a programme on TV here in the UK about a year ago which was questioning whether porn has changed how young men like women to look. A group of about a dozen young guys lined up in front of a group of around a dozen girls. Firstly the girls had no tops on (it was a mixture of different sizes and real and fake boobs) and the guys were asked which breasts the preferred, they almost all chose the fake boobs over the real ones, real ones were considered "droopy". The guys then looked at the "vajayjays" of the girls, some bald, some with hair. They *all *were absolutely horrified with the vajayjays with hair and found them repulsive. Now obviously this was just a tv programme, I don't know whether it accurately reflects the real world. It did make me feel glad though that I will not be part of the dating scene again with my real but very modestly sized boobs and my strawberry blonde haired vajayjay, thankfully my hubby loves my natural look.


I'd suggest that that's as much or more of an age thing than as a media/porn thing. As a "breast man" since I was aware of such interests, when I was younger, it was all about size: the bigger the better. By my early- to mid-20's, though, I came to appreciate a nice (natural) shape and small to average size, so much so that I now consider my idea of "too big" to be generally smaller than the stereotypical guy's.

When you're young, it's natural to prefer more More MORE of the things we like...if 2 cookies are good, a dozen are that much better...or cut me a huge slice if cake...or, yes, a fascination with large breasts. But, as you mature, so do your tastes. And, of course, some adult men do still prefer large, fake breasts. To each their own.
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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

Yes, I definitely think so, in both cases.
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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Yes.
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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Yes.I think media,porn,and romance novels if overused can be extremely harmful.

I didn't say erotica bc I think a true erotica story has nothing to do with love and everything to do with the physical and imagination...I think erotica can help a relationship provided both people are into the stories.

Romance novels and even romantic comedies and romantic dramas create such high expectations that no one can continuously meet.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I'd say with some people yes. It can be very harmful.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I feel everyone of us should know what feeds our *expectations* in a relationship and WHY...

I grew up watching Romances, always loved them..-always will.....I seen a few great examples in my life... of good solid marriages...I held hope I could find that someday...

Sure the Media lifts up things that ARE unrealistic / unattainable many times..it also splatters casual sex & jumping in bed with a new hot body , affairs galore.. so why the hell would we want to look to them for anything anyway... 

How many of us want to watch a romance with the leading man looking like Shrek or something....Of course Beauty & the Beast is a beautiful story.... Nothing wrong with trying to stay in shape, put on a little make up, look the best we can Be.. is there? But there is always a line...

Parents today are giving their daughters Breast implants for Graduation presents...boggles my [email protected]# We have lost what is truly important and are trying to fill ourselves with things that will never satisfy the heart anyway. 

The more we feed into trying to BE the perfect Body, the Perfect Alpha male, the more we loose our true selves in the process...and wear a mask in the real world, never measuring up... can we dare embrace our uniqueness ?? I am all for that....if we do not, it's all going to crumble to the ground in relationships since the foundation is faulty. 

I feel there is not enough Healthy Role models in REAL life...and this is the Larger Problem in society....so the rest of us has given up hope and lives on "fantasy" that has been manufactured by Hollywood or any of these outlets to arouse and entertain. Feed the fantasy, then look at your own life & relationships and feel LESS somehow... 

I have never watched a Romance and felt my life sucked in comparison to what I seen on that screen, I always found it inspiring personally...is there something wrong with me? Love that sh**... Now I can't say my husband measures up to some Hot ALpha in a romance novel... he's not all that... but it's never affected me in a bad way either. 

If men would care to learn more Romancing ...to lead & love his lady... she'd be overjoyed... it would UP something in her... and if more Women would get their hands on some Books on how to please her man...to set him on top of the world sexually....he'd be in heaven, it'd be a win /win for both...their are elements in all of this fantasy we can bring into our own lives. 

It is not that we should lower our standards, but use wisdom to decipher what is really important first... each other...and build from there.....


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