# Venting about lies



## DWifey (Sep 7, 2010)

ARGHH is all I can say right now! In the middle of a big fight right now 

I keep catching my hubby in lies. Mostly little ones, but he knows I HATE HATE liars, and we've been in big fights when I catch him. He always turns it around and gets SUPER mad at me, and threatens divorce.

Latest one, is I discovered he's been using his visa for buying beer and getting cash advances, despite his promise several times that he wouldn't do this because of our budget we are supposed to be trying to adhere too, and despite we've had this same fight a million times.
I had just asked him 2 hours ago, that he hasn't been doing this, and he said no, but then saw the bill and guess what he is!! 

So I was pissed, told him he should cut up those credit cards, and we both should only have the one that both of us can easily see the transactions on. Obviously the only way I can trust him, since this has been going on for years. We just remortgaged our home to pay of credit card debt, and now slowly its creeping up again...and for what...BEER, cigarettes and proline tickets!! 

Well that obviously wasn't the thing to say, cause, now he's left, threatened divorce and is VERY mad. 
And then now, and everytime this happens I feel like I need to be the one to try and calm things down when (if) he comes back, if I don't want him to leave.

Arghh!! then he wonders why I can't trust him!? 

Guess I'm just here really to vent!? thanks for listening. Going back to wait to see if he comes home.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

I can give input from the other side, sorta. My husband gripes about my spending. I do spend for things I could do without. I try to think twice when I see something I want rather than need. But the one thing that will make me throw common sense out the window is his browbeating me like a child. 
Perhaps you need to step back and find another way to clear up the cards and give him back his dignity. Ouch huh. It's just that you sound like you are scolding him and not letting him make the choice. So he goes out makes the purchase just because he wants to say "it's my money. I will spend it how I like." 
Maybe a beer fund in cash would be less harmful on the credit cards.


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## littlebear (Apr 9, 2011)

Have you thought about doing separate accounts? My husband and I do separate accounts. We get all the bills and we each pay half. I do my own spending on my credit card and he does his own on his. He does not know what I spend money on and i don't know what he does. 

I don't want him telling me what I can and cannot spend money on and vice versa. We don't argue about money because we are each spending our own money and go half on stuff for the family.


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## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

This is just a theory, but... If he felt like he could come to you and ask you when he wanted beer and cigarettes I bet he would want them much less of the time and wouldn't be at all secretive about it. If spouses feel like they are hitting a wall or met with aggression by their partners, they will be more apt to go out and splurge and do what they know they are not supposed to do (passive aggressiveness). Another possibility is he may have a more serious alcohol problem than you are aware of and is ashamed of it and thus being secretive about his consumption of it.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

AvaTara539 said:


> This is just a theory, but... If he felt like he could come to you and ask you when he wanted beer and cigarettes I bet he would want them much less of the time and wouldn't be at all secretive about it. If spouses feel like they are hitting a wall or met with aggression by their partners, they will be more apt to go out and splurge and do what they know they are not supposed to do (passive aggressiveness). Another possibility is he may have a more serious alcohol problem than you are aware of and is ashamed of it and thus being secretive about his consumption of it.


This makes complete sense. Spending money you don't have on a substance is how addicts behave. He is already hooked on nicotine and smoking gets VERY expensive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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