# I am in a sexless/ abusive marriage



## Pretty_bird_lady (Nov 27, 2011)

I want to say my husband knows everything I'm typing there to be true to come out of my mouth in our many tireless therapy sessions and whenever he thinks I'm going to leave. After I stay, it's business (or lack there of) as usual....

I'm in a sexless marriage although I don't know how long term it is featuring it's been sexless for over 1.5 years of my 2 year marriage. Not to give TMI, but we have only had sex 6 times, and I'm not counting the good times or anything like that: textbook definition of intercourse only 6 times.

We have been in couple's therapy which never worked. My husband would act great for therapist but shut off when he got home. If confronted on an issue, I'd get yelled at and intimidated into talking because he wanted to then. taking time for gather thoughts so no hasty words are spoken was not welcome. He rarely gave me any genuine affection.. it was like I was window dressing. My self-esteem deteriorated and I felt no one would love if they knew the truth. My husband had to move out of state of his job, but my job requires a license in every state to work, so I couldn't move with him. I wanted to, but it seemed like he constantly had to move... we moved a bit when we were married but he always wanted bigger and better even if logic or our budget did not allow. He wanted it so it HAD to happen.. with or without me.

So, I had to move back in with my parents because I'm the primary bill payer...and can I just say? I make 1/3 his salary and can save money... he cannot, but it takes all types... and I was tired of him blowing all my money. He doesn't now and he's still broke.

But I DIGRESS...

So, I lived in shame and sorrow until a friend of mine spoke up.. she noticed how he never came to see me, never called or that I was never really happy after we wed (I wasn't). So, I listened. It felt good to have someone love me and care for me and say things as someone in a similar situation. And another thing happened, I got closer to God in a deep spiritual way that I never had before... and I had the realization that God wanted me to stand up for myself and people like me and say, you deserve so much better than this. Stand up and fight for yourself... stand up and know you are loved and the shame you feel is an evil deception. You have to get real and pure in your soul.. and you can do that even if you are not religious or not spiritual. (My apologies to anyone non-religious, I respect your beliefs and you). So, I stopped lying to myself and lying to my parents and friends and everyone. I didn't trash him, i said only facts. Wouldn't you know that no one has been judging me? Even my most conservative family members were actually happy to hear that I am deciding to leave and divorce my husband? Oh yeah, it is true. I'm blessed beyond belief for that.

Here I was thinking I had everyone fooled, even my clergy at church are supportive because I'm in a sexless and abusive marriage. I've never said the whole thing like this before... so phew!

Rejoice in the truth. I hope that if you can, you can save your marriage. I really do. I say squeeze the grapefruit dry because you can't take it back... so try everything and read everything.. I did... and I hope it works. 

Please do not hesitate to get help early and often.. 

Thank you for listening and know you are loved...

Also, you are not fooling anyone by living in a miserable union.. everyone knows.. they do w me.


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## Pretty_bird_lady (Nov 27, 2011)

I know I previously posted this on another post.. I just felt compelled to share this experience because I know what it's like to feel alone and feel like I'm crazy... when none of that is true.


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## ACQMAN (Nov 29, 2011)

good for you for taking the initiative to make things right.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Pretty_bird_lady said:


> I know I previously posted this on another post.. I just felt compelled to share this experience because I know what it's like to feel alone and feel like I'm crazy... when none of that is true.


Thanks for sharing. I'm sure plenty of others will read and relate.


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