# My question for older married couples.



## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

Do you feel sex gets better the longer you been married or worse? Does it get better because you know what and how and when for that other person? I been married 23 years and lately it has gotten so much better. I wonder what others feel about their sex life. Oh and we have been exploring some new kinky things too that have rocked my world lately.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If you are a woman reaching/going through her "PRIME" - this can happen. It happened to me too! I only wish and regret that I did not feel THIS way - back then when he was in "HIS PRIME". I was too inhibited, had kids on my mind, would have rather ate chocolate & read a book before - but Now, Sex is #1 for me- in fact I think I have formed somehat of an addiction! Thankfully it's the top of his priority list also. 

It makes a world of difference when your hormones kick in & you loose all those silly inhibitions, you discover how to communicate sexually, and try new things that you never dared explore in the past. 

Not sure if you are a woman posting this or a guy !? My answer was kinda geared towards a woman.


----------



## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

looks down and checks. All guy here. :rofl: 

I wanted both opinions. I think sex is getting better for us. Oh and I am almost 50.


----------



## Sierra61 (Feb 22, 2010)

I have been with by husband since were both 15. We didn't get married until we were 29, but we were always together from the teenage years until now. We are both 45. 

Because my sex drive is much stronger now than when I was a teenager or in my 20's, we have far more sex now than 25 years ago. I can't get enough of him. I would make love twice a day, but he doesn't quite have that high libido. So we make love about 4-5 times a week. 

For years my husband suffered from low testosterone, which adversely effects the libido. He is on weekly testosterone shots now and these shots make him as horny as he was at 16. Sometimes we make love 3 times in one night on the day because he needs the release after he gets the the shots. 

From what I hear from my colleagues in their 40's, many of them live in sexless marriages or sex that is very rare. Long-term relationships have their ups and downs and that includes sex. In our 30's, we sometimes had sex only once a month because of his low testosterone and I wasn't that interested.

After I hit 42 or 43, my sex drive went through the roof. 

I wish I had been like this in my 20's, but in those days, I had a moderate sex drive at best.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Sierra61: 

Wow - we have alot in common, we are similar age, I also discoved my sex drive in my 40's, I met my husband when I was 15 too. Mine doesn't have his Test low enough for treatment, but his is on the lower end of normal. I also wish I felt like this in my younger years , but sure enjiying it now!


----------



## confusedinlife (Mar 9, 2012)

4 or 5 times a week?????

Only in my dreams....


----------



## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Happyquest said:


> Do you feel sex gets better the longer you been married or worse? Does it get better because you know what and how and when for that other person? I been married 23 years and lately it has gotten so much better. I wonder what others feel about their sex life. Oh and we have been exploring some new kinky things too that have rocked my world lately.


Although I've posted this several times, I find I don't get tired of posting it . 

Sex in our 20's was great!
Sex was even better in our 30's, and that surprised us a bit.
We were surprised again to find that sex in our 40's has been so much better than sex in our 20's or 30's was. We're almost through with the 40's now, and looking forward to seeing if it can still get better. Reading ThreeTimesALady sure gives us hope that it can still continue to get better . 

Married 27 years, still pushing each other's boundaries, loving it more than ever before, kinkier than ever before, and looking forward to where it can go from here :smthumbup:


----------



## confusedinlife (Mar 9, 2012)

shy_guy said:


> Although I've posted this several times, I find I don't get tired of posting it .
> 
> Sex in our 20's was great!
> Sex was even better in our 30's, and that surprised us a bit.
> ...


kinkier?


----------



## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

confusedinlife said:


> kinkier?


Oh yeah. We didn't have all the ideas there were to have in our 20's by a LONG shot . When you ask that, I'm not sure if you've read some of my other posts where I'm pretty explicit or not, but yes, we still have new ideas. We discuss each other's fantasies and role play on them much more than before, we incorporate toys and other props more than before, we're more apt to start with things that some people on here have expressed is outside their boundaries ... things that we weren't ready for when we were younger ... well, maybe we were ready, but we just hadn't thought of them before . 

I can be more explicit if you'd really like, and you can probably find other posts where I have been a bit more explicit (although certainly not thorough or exhaustive) but that probably gives you an idea.

For us, the boundary is that we won't bring anybody else into our relationship, and we won't really hurt each other. Within those boundaries, there's a lot of room to play.


----------



## confusedinlife (Mar 9, 2012)

shy_guy said:


> Oh yeah. We didn't have all the ideas there were to have in our 20's by a LONG shot . When you ask that, I'm not sure if you've read some of my other posts where I'm pretty explicit or not, but yes, we still have new ideas. We discuss each other's fantasies and role play on them much more than before, we incorporate toys and other props more than before, we're more apt to start with things that some people on here have expressed is outside their boundaries ... things that we weren't ready for when we were younger ... well, maybe we were ready, but we just hadn't thought of them before .
> 
> I can be more explicit if you'd really like, and you can probably find other posts where I have been a bit more explicit (although certainly not thorough or exhaustive) but that probably gives you an idea.
> 
> For us, the boundary is that we won't bring anybody else into our relationship, and we won't really hurt each other. Within those boundaries, there's a lot of room to play.


sounds like a lot of changes to do what comes naturally.....I am my wife's vibrator....


----------



## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

confusedinlife said:


> sounds like a lot of changes to do what comes naturally.....I am my wife's vibrator....


I'll agree on being my wife's vibrator ... most of the time ... although using the vibrator anally while she is cowgirl ... I can't be in both places at the same time, right? I also can't give her oral sex while inside her ... I would if I could, but I'm just not that limber . Toys only come out sometimes, though. There's a lot to do without toys, too.

I'm not sure what you meant by "lot of changes to do what comes naturally."


----------



## confusedinlife (Mar 9, 2012)

shy_guy said:


> I'll agree on being my wife's vibrator ... most of the time ... although using the vibrator anally while she is cowgirl ... I can't be in both places at the same time, right? I also can't give her oral sex while inside her ... I would if I could, but I'm just not that limber . Toys only come out sometimes, though. There's a lot to do without toys, too.
> 
> I'm not sure what you meant by "lot of changes to do what comes naturally."


not into the anal stuff...


----------



## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

we are not old per say...but we have been together since we were 12 and 13. [i am the older one by 355 days]

we have been together for a little over 20 years. we have been through many, many life times worth of stuff.

i think the sex is better now. we have a better understanding of body language, and have a long dialog of likes and dislikes.

and i think there is a better appreation for laughing in bed, taking a pause for a little silliness, and just having fun.

all the pent up teenage emotion to just hurry up and get it started over and started again just isnt there. now we have as much time as we need.


----------



## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

You guys all make me sick!!!!!!!!


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

much worse, married 22 years. im always raring to go but have learned to deal with constant dissappointment. we will occasionally hit a spike in activity hitting twice in one week, but we can also go a month without. durring summer vacation or holidays when the kids are home its non existent. i can read my wife like a book, i know when its fruitless to try, which is most of the time. she will initiate once in a while but not often. the quality is meh, kinda boring, she isnt into much outside of the very basic, another reason i dont really care that much anymore


----------



## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> much worse, married 22 years. im always raring to go but have learned to deal with constant dissappointment. we will occasionally hit a spike in activity hitting twice in one week, but we can also go a month without. durring summer vacation or holidays when the kids are home its non existent. i can read my wife like a book, i know when its fruitless to try, which is most of the time. she will initiate once in a while but not often. the quality is meh, kinda boring, she isnt into much outside of the very basic, another reason i dont really care that much anymore


That's more like what I want to read......

Actually after 25 years it should and at times can be much better, but she like many spouse's looks at me like I am a silly teen always thinking & talking about it. Doesn't make me feel too good about myself.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

daffodilly said:


> What is it about turning 40?!! :scratchhead: Seems like I just woke up on fire in the middle of my 39th year....I'd LOVE sex 4-5 times a week, but I've accepted that won't happen.


Excuse me, I post this constantly on here-- but it IS a hormonal shift for us women (so long as we are not taking any meds-that might interfere).... we are getting "a taste" of that HIGH TEST men struggle with in their younger years. Near seems like a cruel Joke God plays on the sexes to me......



> Balance the seesaw.
> 
> When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
> 
> Again, hormonal changes are bringing the couple into closer balance. Men and women both produce testosterone and estrogen, but the proportion of each changes over the years. The male's shifting levels of estrogen and testosterone may make him more willing to follow than to lead, happy for his wife to set the pace. And as a woman's estrogen declines and her testosterone becomes proportionately greater, she may become more assertive.


Heck, I became alot more than a little "assertive", I took him by the balls... I was a raging Nympho, felt like I just discovered Sex or something. It was like a releashing of all my long held inhibitions -near overnight. 3 things happened to me during that time...

1. Just had our last son, got an IUD, I remember feeling "freedom" at last 
2. I was deeply involved in a "community" fight to keep something sinister out of our town - and we won- likely upped my Test levels 
3. I made a music video of me & my husband w/a sappy love song- capturing our yrs together- I cried, made me want to go 
back & grab him -in a very sexual way...likely threw my dopamine into a tail spin...

So Testosterone + Dopamine = Addiction. My fix...sex with my husband.


----------



## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

I can honestly say the sex has gotten better the older we get. Although the body may not bend as easily as it did when we were younger, the mind has grown more devious and finds ways to get around this minor inconvenience.


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Sex has gotten better for us because our love has grown deeper over the years. We know what the other person likes, and we are both committed to pleasing each other. We like being creative and playful with each other. I realized early in our marriage that a good sex life erased resentments for me, and helped me stay connected to my husband.


----------



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Better. We know what we like, we have had ample practice, the kids are less dependent now, and since we're both still as fit as fleas, it's great. Should either want to try something different, we're mature enough to not disappear up our own arses at the suggestion, but to discuss it like reasonable people.


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

It's way better than in our 20s. Like a thousand times better than in our younger days. 

The title of this thread makes me think people need to be senior citizens to post. We're not even past 41 years of age yet.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

It's better. We're upper 40's.

We may have been more agile and had sex a lot more when in our 20's, but now in our maturity  there's more depth and feeling between us, which even with a lower frequency and older bodies that don't always want to cooperate like we want, it is better and more meaningful for both of us. (I just asked him - and he agreed.)

I hope we can keep going on this way, and in 20 more years be able to say that it's even better still.


----------



## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Beowulf said:


> I can honestly say the sex has gotten better the older we get. Although the body may not bend as easily as it did when we were younger, the mind has grown more devious and finds ways to get around this minor inconvenience.


 LOL...I love the way you think!!


----------



## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

We will be married 40 years in July and the sex is way better now. We met in high school and after about 4 months of dating became sexually active. Sure the sex was hot and passionate because there was a certain thrill that came from the fact that we were sneaking around. 

She got pregnant and we got married at 16 and 17. The sex was not all that great for a number of years for several reasons:
1. Guilt
2. Having small children right away
3. I was a selfish S.O.B and had no idea how to treat her.

Through counseling we both were able to deal with our issues and our relationship improved which led to a much improved sex life. (I should mention that my wife never had a problem having a great orgasm.)

Here lately, reading "The Married Man Sex Life Primer" I have learned some things that have helped even more. My wife has "responsive desire" which means that she often enters sex in neutral. However, once we get into it, she responds quiet nicely! So I no longer ask if she feels like it, because often she doesn't. I just go for it, she responds, and we have a WONDERFUL time of making love. I also no longer pressure her to have an orgasm. On the rare occasions she can't, she will say, "You go ahead, " so I do.

We still don't have sex every day (unless we are on a romantic trip together...then it can be twice a day), our schedules just don't match up for that most of the time. But we have sex 3-4 times a week and that is just fine with me!

But there is more. We are both comfortable with trying new positions, places, toys, games, etc. And after 40 years we both know just the right "buttons" to push (although I still learn new things about her).


----------



## confusedinlife (Mar 9, 2012)

three or four times a week? Of course you are happy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Married 23 years (anniversary one week ago today) and in our mid-forties. Sex is better today, just not as frequent as I would like. I am the HD spouse and my wife is a bit lower than I. But, when we do have sex, it is mostly a fantastic time. We have come a long way over the course of our marriage in terms of what we will and can do in the bedroom but I would love to go further. Communication, communication, communication.


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I enjoy our sexlife more now than ever. 

We know each others bodies so well after all these years... what turns us on, where/how we liked to be touched etc. 

These days we have less sex than when we first met (daily) but more sex than we did when the kids were babies (weekly/fortnightly)... there tough years these babies/small children years.

We spend alot more of our spare time just the two of us these days and the more time spend together the more sex we have...funny that!


----------



## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Happyquest said:


> Do you feel sex gets better the longer you been married or worse? Does it get better because you know what and how and when for that other person? I been married 23 years and lately it has gotten so much better. I wonder what others feel about their sex life. Oh and we have been exploring some new kinky things too that have rocked my world lately.


It's gets worse as the years go by and boredom having sex with the same person over and over sets in. Many couples basically stop in their 50's.


----------



## confusedinlife (Mar 9, 2012)

Mr B said:


> It's gets worse as the years go by and boredom having sex with the same person over and over sets in. Many couples basically stop in their 50's.


is that what happened to you?


----------



## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

confusedinlife said:


> is that what happened to you?


No...sex stopped in my marriage 23 years ago when I was a newlywed in my 30's. But I stayed married and so I've done a lot of research on sexless marriage over the years and it is in their 50's that most sexless couples stop having sex.


----------



## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

If by older you mean mid-forties, better.


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Mr B said:


> *It's gets worse as the years go by and boredom having sex with the same person over and over sets in. *Many couples basically stop in their 50's.


It doesn't have to be boredom. Even if I eat at the same restaurant for 50 years, I don't have to eat the same dish on its menu each time I dine there. I can do something different each time so that the experience isn't the same old thing each time. It's about creativity, imagination, changing things up...


----------



## cent130130 (Nov 6, 2011)

I'm nearly 51, wife 50, been married 26 years. My desire and attraction for my wife is as high, or higher, than it has ever been. Unfortunately, my wife's interest has gone the other way. She has never been very adventurous in the bedroom, and has made some unilateral decisions over the past few years to eliminate some of the things we would previously do ("I don't like to do that"). She is going through menopause, which I understand (as well as a man can) and blames her decrease in interest on menopause. From my perspective, she is focused primarily on her needs/desires and doesn't seem to place much priority on my needs/desires. When I have tried to initiate some level of conversation, she gets very defensive/angry and it just isn't worth it. It's a significant struggle for me.


----------

