# How did you inform your acquaintances



## Bananapeel

Now that my divorce is done I think it is appropriate to tell my acquaintances and casual friends that I don't regularly talk with. I don't want to be tacky and do a big facebook announcement. What did you guys do to tell the people that you have less contact with? I was thinking about getting Christmas cards printed this year with just me and my kids on it and mailing it out. Any better ideas?


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## Lone Shadow

When my divorce is finally done and over with, I'm going to throw a party.


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## SecondTime'Round

BP, this is kinda tough if you're not the type to air your business on FB, like I am. I had many, many friends who probably didn't even know I was divorced at all when I reconciled with my ex. I think MOST know now that we're split again and I've posted about buying a new house, moving, etc. 

I have never had relationship status on FB, but I suppose you could change it to "divorced." Or you could post an article ABOUT divorce on FB to be subtle. Or send out a FB message or email. I kinda overestimated the gossip train and assumed people would just tell each other, and was always surprised when people didn't know my business lol! 

I'm FB friends with someone in another state I've never met. We were both members of a BeachBody weight loss challenge on FB and we became friends that way. At the time I remember him telling me he had married a much younger woman, and was trying to keep in shape for his beautiful wife and daughter. Next thing I knew he was posting pics of just him and his kids, professional pics. So that's an option, too. 

(Side note, I did a little stalking and it looks like she left him for a woman who looks like....I don't even know what to say without being un-PC. It's just kindof shocking who she left her husband for lol) I don't know him well enough to ask him what happened.


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## depressedandexhausted

If my wife continues to negate her responsibility and spreading lies, this isnt going to happen. I will have a small blurb, saying we drifted apart. However, my wife is being a grade a B. She has lied to everybody about our situation. She even tried to tell my parents she had evidence. My parents told her they want to see it. She refused. I tell them everything. She has told everyone that I have been cheating. I have never cheated on her in my life. So I would do a quick announcement on Facebook if this is a similar situation, protect yourself. Another way would be to leave it alone. People are going to find out either way, better for them to ask. I like your idea though. It is subtle, but gets the point across.


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## Sammy64

Why say anything.. Wait until someone ask's. seemed to work for me. 
My ExW did the FB thing, and all my friends just laughed at her and her post, bet it made her feel good. I was the first one to LIKE it, Oh that Pi$$ed her off big time.


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## Bananapeel

I didn't change my FB status to divorced instead I just deleted the "married" category, which doesn't show up as a status change announcement. We are trying to stay amicable so I don't want to do anything that could instigate any drama. Since my XW has a lot of guilt it doesn't take much to set her off to expressing sadness, regret, or anger. So right now being subtle is key. 

The reason I ask is that it's just a little awkward start to a conversation when my friends/acquaintances ask how my wife is. It seems that talking with people about divorce, other than very close friends or family, causes people's eyes to glaze over and then they disconnect from the conversation or feel they can't talk about whatever is going on in their lives. I don't want the divorce to influence the interactions I have with people, I just want it to be something that happened in the past that is no longer a big deal. So that is why I want to announce it, but do it subtly. 

And SecondTime, I also do the beachbody videos. They are lots of fun!


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## GusPolinski

Hmm. Maybe something subtle...

"Feeling bored tonight. Want to get out and do something. Anyone get any ideas?

C'mon, folks... I'm single and ready to mingle!"

That ought to do it.


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## Married but Happy

I'd let them know when I next encounter them. Unless they are female, attractive, and single, in which case it would be far more polite to seek them out individually and tell them in person.


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## Lostinthought61

I'm curious banana, if the shoe was on the other foot, what do you think she would have posted on her FB? and told people? 

have you asked her that?


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## jb02157

I think anyone who needs to know will find over time and it probably does need any helping along. Any formal annonuncement made could be refuted or negatively responded to by your spouse and make things more ugly than necessary.


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## Bananapeel

Married but Happy said:


> I'd let them know when I next encounter them. Unless they are female, attractive, and single, in which case it would be far more polite to seek them out individually and tell them in person.


Funny you say that. I already have one or two female friends that know the situation that are already subtly expressing interest in me. Apparently being attractive, successful, and not-bitter is a turn on.


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## Bananapeel

Xenote said:


> I'm curious banana, if the shoe was on the other foot, what do you think she would have posted on her FB? and told people?
> 
> have you asked her that?


She probably would have done a big public FB exposure. But she is an emotional thinker/reactor and that is not who I am. I really don't want to hurt her. After all, once you have kids with someone they will stay in your life forever so might as well make the most out of it.

I think I am going to go the Christmas card route. It's subtle but not hurtful.


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## Ynot

Bananapeel said:


> She probably would have done a big public FB exposure. But she is an emotional thinker/reactor and that is not who I am. I really don't want to hurt her. After all, once you have kids with someone they will stay in your life forever so might as well make the most out of it.
> 
> I think I am going to go the Christmas card route. It's subtle but not hurtful.


You don't think your friends will be equally perplexed when they get a card from you without your wife in the picture. 

Most people probably already know. If they do happen to ask how your wife is, just tell them she is fine but you are no longer together. It sure beats the drama of a christmas card with out your wife in the picture.


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## Bananapeel

Maybe we should do one last Christmas letter together instead of a card and have both of our new addresses in there?


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## Sammy64

Bananapeel said:


> *Maybe we should do one last Christmas letter together* instead of a card and have both of our new addresses in there?


Remember she is an Ex for a reason...


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## Nomorebeans

I've kind of waited until people have asked about my "husband" and then responded with the truth in a way appropriate to the person asking.

It often happens at work, so I have to be professional about it. But one time, a male co-worker who's always joked around with me about stuff asked me if I'd lost weight - I lost 25 pounds in the two months after DDay. It was shortly before my divorce was final, so I said that yes, 25 pounds, and I'm about to lose about another 160 more. Took him a second, but he got it, and goes, "Yeah, I lost about 140 in a hurry a few years ago, myself." (I've known him for a while, and he didn't have gastric bypass surgery.)

It's easier now that some time has passed. At first when I had to admit to it, I was on the verge of tears. I can't always joke about it yet, but I don't tear up when I talk about it very often anymore, either.


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## anewstart60

I haven't really thought too much about divorce yet. The kids are adults and we have settled the financial stuff so right now it's not a priority but I would have no problem just telling it like it is.


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## FeministInPink

I never made a big announcement. I changed my relationship status to divorced on Facebook (and I think you can keep that from going on your timeline--it didn't show on mine), and I deleted all the pictures of XH. The name change (took back my maiden name) didn't hurt! The people who cared/needed to know figured it out, the ones who didn't... well, they didn't really need to know 

Coincidentally, via the name change, I discovered that a lot of people didn't even realize I was married! (Mostly at work.) Since my name changed, a lot of people came up to me and said, congratulations! And I responded, Thanks! Divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me 

A few people were embarassed, but a lot of people came out of the woodwork and responded, I know! I felt the same way after my divorce, too.


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## FeministInPink

So my point is... no need to make a big announcement or worry about it.


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## SecondTime'Round

FeministInPink said:


> So my point is... no need to make a big announcement or worry about it.


I agree, no need, but for me, it helps that people know. I'm an introvert and it pains me to have to talk about it in person if I see someone and they don't know. Doesn't happen often, but I really would like everyone to just KNOW so I can avoid any awkwardness.


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## FeministInPink

SecondTime'Round said:


> I agree, no need, but for me, it helps that people know. I'm an introvert and it pains me to have to talk about it in person if I see someone and they don't know. Doesn't happen often, but I really would like everyone to just KNOW so I can avoid any awkwardness.


You know, it's only awkward if you let it be awkward. If they don't talk to you on a regular basis, then of course they don't know--so why does it have to be awkward? You just need a standard line... "Actually we're not together, and haven't been for some time. But I'm doing really well and am happy. And how are your kids (or cats or goldfish) doing?"

The awkwardness comes from them thinking that they may have said something that upsets YOU, and if you make it clear that you're fine and not bothered, and you move past it in conversation.

Honestly, if they don't know you well enough to be up to speed on your life already, they don't really need to be told. It's none of their business, actually. You were married before, and now you're not, and that's your business, not theirs. 
And so maybe they *should* feel a little discomfort when they ask you about your personal life. Someone who doesn't stay close enough to already know doesn't have the right to be privy to your personal information.


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