# Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!



## grimpdog86 (7 mo ago)

Hello everyone,
If you read through this post and respond, thank you. I need all the advice I can get.
My wife and I had been married 11 years. This was each of our's second marriage. We are now both in our early 40's. We each have a child from a previous relationship and the kids are both adults now. My wife went through some very rough stuff these past four to five years. Long story short, her father was arrested and convicted of child molestation charges (for a little child he baby sat), he was in jail for two years and released. She went to therapy but gave up on the therapist after just a few trips and stopped taking medication the therapist prescribed. This all went down right before the pandemic hit, which really took its' toll on her. 
This past September, she said she needed peace and quiet and left. We talked briefly about doing an online divorce, but I told her I didn't want this divorce and that she needed to start the process. Like I said, that was last September, and there still hasn't been any movement on her part. The house we lived in, I owned before I even met her and we both agreed verbally that when she left, we wouldn't go after each other's retirement funds. 
I feel as if I'm in a deep ocean, trying to keep my head above water. In one hand, I would love for us to get back together, but on the other hand, I don't understand why she is waiting so long to do anything legally. I have talked about it with my therapist who says I should at least talk to a lawyer about my options and go from there. I just don't understand someone leaving so sudden, saying they want a divorce, but then 9 months on, has yet to file. What should I do?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Is there another man possibly involved?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

How long do you think you will wait? Do you have any contact with her?


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## bhc102938 (7 mo ago)

Brother, that's like my situation. She said she was done and left. Took some things. But it's been 10 months now with no legal action and I am too left where it all began it seems.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

grimpdog86 said:


> Hello everyone,
> If you read through this post and respond, thank you. I need all the advice I can get.
> My wife and I had been married 11 years. This was each of our's second marriage. We are now both in our early 40's. We each have a child from a previous relationship and the kids are both adults now. My wife went through some very rough stuff these past four to five years. Long story short, her father was arrested and convicted of child molestation charges (for a little child he baby sat), he was in jail for two years and released. She went to therapy but gave up on the therapist after just a few trips and stopped taking medication the therapist prescribed. This all went down right before the pandemic hit, which really took its' toll on her.
> This past September, she said she needed peace and quiet and left. We talked briefly about doing an online divorce, but I told her I didn't want this divorce and that she needed to start the process. Like I said, that was last September, and there still hasn't been any movement on her part. The house we lived in, I owned before I even met her and we both agreed verbally that when she left, we wouldn't go after each other's retirement funds.
> I feel as if I'm in a deep ocean, trying to keep my head above water. In one hand, I would love for us to get back together, but on the other hand, I don't understand why she is waiting so long to do anything legally. I have talked about it with my therapist who says I should at least talk to a lawyer about my options and go from there. I just don't understand someone leaving so sudden, saying they want a divorce, but then 9 months on, has yet to file. What should I do?


Your therapist is right, you need to talk to a divorce lawyer. Find out how to protect your separate equity in the house.

What she's doing is unfair to you because it leaves you in a crazy limbo. So, get in control of this. 

Do the two of you have separate bank accounts? Does she have access to any of your current income? Or do you have access to hers?

At least get the legal advice you need to protect yourself. And if you file, keep in mind that you can always cancel a divorce or remarry after the divorce if she ever snaps out of this.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

grimpdog86 said:


> Hello everyone,
> If you read through this post and respond, thank you. I need all the advice I can get.
> My wife and I had been married 11 years. This was each of our's second marriage. We are now both in our early 40's. We each have a child from a previous relationship and the kids are both adults now. My wife went through some very rough stuff these past four to five years. Long story short, her father was arrested and convicted of child molestation charges (for a little child he baby sat), he was in jail for two years and released. She went to therapy but gave up on the therapist after just a few trips and stopped taking medication the therapist prescribed. This all went down right before the pandemic hit, which really took its' toll on her.
> This past September, she said she needed peace and quiet and left. We talked briefly about doing an online divorce, but I told her I didn't want this divorce and that she needed to start the process. Like I said, that was last September, and there still hasn't been any movement on her part. The house we lived in, I owned before I even met her and we both agreed verbally that when she left, we wouldn't go after each other's retirement funds.
> I feel as if I'm in a deep ocean, trying to keep my head above water. In one hand, I would love for us to get back together, but on the other hand, I don't understand why she is waiting so long to do anything legally. I have talked about it with my therapist who says I should at least talk to a lawyer about my options and go from there. I just don't understand someone leaving so sudden, saying they want a divorce, but then 9 months on, has yet to file. What should I do?


@EleGirl gave great advice @grimpdog86 

You need to start thinking of your life as yours alone and take charge of this. Talk to a lawyer and file for divorce. Move on from this limbo!

What would you tell your child to do if they were in this situation?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Why are you letting her dictate your life?
By doing nothing, you are taking the passive, weak, in "hopium" approach, what has that done for you.

Dude, stop letting her drag you along. Time to grab your balls and act like a man that has some self respect and dignity. YOU, serve her with divorce papers. YOU take the initiative. YOU take your future into your own hands.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

A verbal agreement about not going after each others retirement is about as useful as a 1 legged man in an a$$ kicking contest. Get a separation and opting out agreement written and signed ASAP. I hope after you married you didn't put her name on the deed. Start with an experienced divorce lawyer and move quickly. Gather financial records and start preparing your financial disclosure statements. Its a process and the sooner you start the better. Good luck


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What is she doing with her life?


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