# Finding equillibrium



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

It is interesting to me how much I have traveled over the past year. I went from begging and pleading my ex to not divorce me to cutting off all communications with her. I went from blaming her for everything, to blaming myself for everything to realizing that it took two. From anger and resentment to recognition to acceptance and now almost to gratitude.
I still find myself having the occasional argument in my head. The one where I confront her with my litany of complaints, making her realize her mistake and then...coming back to me?
What I have realized is that I am better off. It doesn't matter why or how she did what she did, the only thing that really matters is that she did. 
So now when I have that argument, I find myself answering my self, with so what, who cares and does it really matter. So what if she did x, y and z when we were married, so what if I did A, B and C. Nobody cares, especially not her, or we wouldn't be divorced. In the end none of it matters anyway because the past is the past and it can't be changed.
Now when I have that little set back, I am starting to realize the real gift I have been given. She couldn't, wouldn't or wasn't capable of loving me the way I needed to be loved. Now I am free to find someone who can and will. If I don't I am still better off since I am still free to keep trying without feeling the guilt of responsibility towards her. 
I can explore all of the possibilities in my life. I can do all of the things that I dreamed of doing with only my self to answer to. All of my excuses have been removed. I am finally starting to really see the possibilities of my future. I can explore my sexuality with different women and explore their sexuality with them. I can choose to pursue things that interest me without worrying about how the new experience may change me in relationship to another. 
I am not fully healed, but I am getting closer everyday


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## kaleidoscope (May 23, 2013)

I am feeling a lot like you. Hopefully we will be healed soon!


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Just don't fall for the robots on the dating sites, please! A lot of them are fake! Ha! In all seriousness, it was always about you and not her! She is filler fish and you are a prize fish, if only you will get that! Write a book, buy a dirt bike, live in Costa Rica a year! Dude
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Ynot said:


> It is interesting to me how much I have traveled over the past year. I went from begging and pleading my ex to not divorce me to cutting off all communications with her. I went from blaming her for everything, to blaming myself for everything to realizing that it took two. From anger and resentment to recognition to acceptance and now almost to gratitude.
> I still find myself having the occasional argument in my head. The one where I confront her with my litany of complaints, making her realize her mistake and then...coming back to me?
> What I have realized is that I am better off. It doesn't matter why or how she did what she did, the only thing that really matters is that she did.
> So now when I have that argument, I find myself answering my self, with so what, who cares and does it really matter. So what if she did x, y and z when we were married, so what if I did A, B and C. Nobody cares, especially not her, or we wouldn't be divorced. In the end none of it matters anyway because the past is the past and it can't be changed.
> ...


I think I need to print this out and put it on my refrigerator.


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