# He says he is losing his mind...



## lewislane (Jan 8, 2016)

i need to find out what to do in my situation. I am married to a man who informed me today that he thinks he needs psych help.
I have noticed this for along time….but I think he is finally feeling the impact. I’m going to try to keep this short.
He is very angry….a lot. But, on the good days…we are amazing together. Very happy….we are “one”.. 
and extremely loving and intimate. But on the bad days — we are awful

He gets extremely angry when I need to go anywhere to work. He sees even my bosses as a threat. He suspects I am having sex with them while I”m in the office. He calls or texts constantly - and if he doesn’t get an answer right back, he starts texting “i can’d do this anymore…you are leaving me no choice…i’m a fool….I can’t believe you are doing this to me…..All I did was love you and care for you…”

When I get out of a meeting or whatever - and explain - he gets mad but apologizes too. We make up - everything is back together and we go on fine for a day or 2 and then it hits again.

His anger usually ends with him insinuating that we will not survive. He says he is failing me and then tells me that I am not the compatible with him because I like to work and earn money. Then he will say “so you think we should just end this??” I will say “NO! How dare you talk about divorce AGAIN and he will tell me he’s just testing me to see if this is what I really want because he doesn’t see me happy. I cry — I fight - I scream and he screams back worse..and then somehow we wake up the next morning with him like a puppy dog begging me to never leave him.

this morning, he went through my brief case and found a pay check I hadn’t cashed and was saving. ( he spends too much money and I worry) He accused me of trying to stock pile money to leave and freaked out on me. He broke down crying and told me he thinks he is going to die. He feels that something is wrong and he can’t live in this horrible state anymore. He says I make him feel like a horrible failure because I don’t smile like I used to…and all we do is fight.

The worst is I tried to leave the house during a fight a few months ago and he yanked my arm — begging me to stay and I didn’t budge and he dislocated my shoulder and broke my elbow. I was horrified and confided in a family member and now she told everyone and they all are begging me to leave my husband and HE is so mad at ME because I told them what happened and that I felt it wasn’t an “accident’ like he told the hospital. 

I told him I needed to seek a therapist to talk to someone and he told me I needed to lie about what happened because he didn’t want to get arrested. He literally told me SCREAMING that if I told someone and he got arrested - he would leave me forever.

This morning, during his melt down - he said that one of his friends told someone at work what they heard about my arm and he now believes he will be fired. He has a meeting with his boss next Monday (called by the boss). He says he fears unemployment and threatened to sell our house and have us move in with his parents — even though I make more than most family do ….he lives and is accustomed to a very lavish lifestyle….

There’s a lot that I haven’t covered here - but this is the most recent. I talked to a friend tonight who BEGGED me to leave him tomorrow - when he goes to work and just disappear. I am so scared. This man is my life….I love him despite the toxicity….that is very obvious. I don’t want him to hurt…I can’t IMAGINE my life without him…and in makes me ill.

But he now says he feels he’s dying…his career is over because of what I TOLD PEOPLE….(truth) and that he can’t even get excited about leaving the house anymore… he literally asked me if I thought he needed a treatment center??? 

I am so sad. Very alone — terrified and I feel I will BREAK DOWN ASAP if I leave him…my entire life has been about HIM and when he needs me or wants me…I don’t know how to be me at all anymore…. 

What advice might you offer? Please?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

This post sounds awfully familiar...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lewislane (Jan 8, 2016)

familiar to what? I am asking for help....could you please tell me your suggestions on how to proceed in this?


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## QuietNarrative (Dec 13, 2015)

Either you both need to get in to some therapy both as a couple and on your own. If that can't be done then you need to be the strong one and leave. As it is your marriage is toxic and not only damaging to you but him and any children you may have. If this continues on the path it is on there will be destruction and escalation.


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## lewislane (Jan 8, 2016)

The problem is that he constantly tells me that I'm insane...that he can't communicate with me...that I'm in need of serious help...that I'm unreasonable....That I enjoy making our lives horrible.... the accusations continue on and on and it's destroyed me - personally.

He tells me that I'm going to look back one day and realize I am the problem here and I fuc*ed our marriage....because I don't realize that a normal wife doesn't travel for work or talk to men for work or any other reason.

He admits he is jealous and out of bounds....but recently I had a biz trip and he kept texting me through my meetings and since I didn't reply - he sent me snap shots of the county clerks office where he was filing divorce. I began crying in front of my boss and during these meetings. I broke down....he said he could care less and that If I didn't want his treatment I should realize I shouldn't be traveling away from him. 

He said OVER and OVER that he was done with me and demanded if I didn't leave why work trip with my boss asap -- that he was done. I didn't go ....but I melted down and my boss saw it. She asked what happened and I told her that I was struggling and tried to keep it professional. She grabbed my phone and saw what he was texting and she begged me to get a spine and get away from this.

So now that I went back to him....I'm trapped because I feel I can't even bring him around my work. And he thinks that means I'm trying to have an affair.....he says I should be proud of him...and tell them to F Off....if they don't like him.

Tonight -- I am working from my computer and adding info to my calendar and he is staring at me and told me I look "very guilty" and he wants to know asap what I'm doing. He grabbed the phone out of my hand ....and went through it ...and found zero. But he accused me of deleting things. I just can't win....and I feel so sad.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

lewislane said:


> The problem is that he constantly tells me that I'm insane...that he can't communicate with me...that I'm in need of serious help...that I'm unreasonable....That I enjoy making our lives horrible.... the accusations continue on and on and it's destroyed me - personally.
> 
> He tells me that I'm going to look back one day and realize I am the problem here and I fuc*ed our marriage....because I don't realize that a normal wife doesn't travel for work or talk to men for work or any other reason.
> 
> ...


He is using his emotional reactions as a means to manipulate and control you. Your emotional reactions that result, are feeding him. The most important thing you can do is to spend your energy to eliminate any elevation in emotions that may be elicited. This if or your sake. Allow him his opinions and words. You deserve to be happy, this moment and the next.

You don't "need" anyone. Happiness can only come from yourself. Unfortunately, individuals feel that their happiness is derived from pleasing others. The psychological origin of this behavior is (most likely) due to your childhood. Whenever it originated, it means you were loved Conditionally.


Relationship Teacher


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## lewislane (Jan 8, 2016)

Is the broken arm -- and threats of leaving me if he is arrested....abuse? My fiend says I need help....But I end up defending him. Am I wrong here???


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

lewislane said:


> Is the broken arm -- and threats of leaving me if he is arrested....abuse? My fiend says I need help....But I end up defending him. Am I wrong here???


Yes.

You have no need to defend yourself or him. If you want to stay with him, then he is going to have to prove that he is no longer controlling, jealous and physically violent.

Relationship Teacher


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The problem is that he is an abusive man. Actually his behavior sounds down right insane. 

So when are you going to leave him? Tomorrow when he's at work sounds like a good time. 

Are you going to do it?


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

He is abusive and you should not be with until he can get help for his problem. He shouldn't be threatening to leave you, YOU should be threatening to leave HIM. This is not love!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lewislane said:


> Is the broken arm -- and threats of leaving me if he is arrested....abuse? My fiend says I need help....But I end up defending him. Am I wrong here???


Of course a broken arm is abuse.

And yes threatening to leave you if he is arrested for breaking your arm is abuse. It is a form of coercion. 

Yes your friends are right, you need help.

Why are you defending this man? 

Yes you are wrong to defend him. Your are wrong to think that he is not abusive. You are wrong to not leave him.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

No, she isn't going to leave him because she thrives on drama. A therapist is your only hope to unravel all those excuses you keep coming up with to defend him.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> This post sounds awfully familiar...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yep. Sounds like the craziness is increasing.

But if you are really for real. Here is my two cents.

Leave him and don't look back. Why you want to stay married in this situation? Unless, you love the drama and loves living in the thrills of the ups and down. good luck.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

lewislane said:


> Is the broken arm -- and threats of leaving me if he is arrested....abuse? My fiend says I need help....But I end up defending him. Am I wrong here???


Of course it's abuse! And of course you're wrong to stay with him!

Did you marry him saying 'look guys, he's gonna beat me, terrorize me, blame me, threaten me...but it's all good! Cuz I lurve him!'

Read this book today:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (why-does-he-do-that.pdf) - PDF Archive


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## hotshotdot (Jul 28, 2015)

When he said he needed psych help what did you say? That's your opportunity to get the one solution you really want - which is to stay with him. You are in an abusive relationship even before the arm incident. You know it's not right, but you aren't ready to leave, so therapy is the best step for you right now. Get yourself in ASAP & if your H will go then get him in too. This isn't going to fix itself, so you need to take action if you want things to change.


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## lewislane (Jan 8, 2016)

I know this isn't a medical board or a psych board but I need to ask for feedback. I am scared. 

Last night we had another fight and I went to bed w a pillow covering my head. I woke up at 5:30 and he was staring at me. He said he stayed awake all night waiting to see if I would reach out to touch him. Then he began telling me that he felt very ill. That he was going to die. From there he said he couldn't breath. So I rubbed his arm and tried to calm him down. He was worried he was having a stroke and said his arms were numb. I immediately asked if I should call 911. He said no. But then he began slurring his words. I immediately grabbed my phone and began calling 911. He saw it and freaked out. And begged me not to....

He then calmed down some. And seemed a little better but told me he thinks he has an illness or is having a nervous breakdown. He had a major meeting at work and he called in sick. 

He has been looking a little strange and shakey... But then seems fine. But on the way to the store (he was driving) he said he got confused. He had a moment of asking me where we are. He terrified me. I asked him if I could make appt w the doctor. He said no. He would rather die and I would be a millionaire and he would be out of my way since I clearly see him as a problem in my life. 

I began crying. It made me very sad of course. So now he seems mentally clear. But I am wondering if I should call his mother and have some kind of intervention? 

Or is he just playing me here....he has threatened suicide before and then when I called 911 he got mad and locked me out of the house. He swore he would never do that to me again. 

But I think there is something wrong w him. He is getting confused. He has moments of saying he feels like he's going to pass out. 

He will not go to the doctor on his own and I had a moment today where I worried that he was going to go nuts.


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## lewislane (Jan 8, 2016)

Please give me advice. I am worried.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

lewislane said:


> Please give me advice. I am worried.


Leave immediately.

Do not stop to explain or leave a note.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

lewislane said:


> Please give me advice. I am worried.


Don't get into a car with a driver who says they think they are having a stroke for starters.

Too much drama and dysfunction to fix, leave and file for divorce.


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## hotshotdot (Jul 28, 2015)

Next time call 911 & don't hesitate. He needs a psych evaluation & this may be the best way to get him one (against his will). They will not arrest him but put him on a 72 hour hold in a mental hospital to evaluate him if they feel he is a threat to himself or others. I know you're afraid of upsetting him, but things will never change unless he gets help, so the most loving thing you can do is make sure he gets it even if it pisses him off.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Stop asking him if you should do this or that. If he's actually psychotic - and it's starting to sound like he is and isn't just abusive, he is incapable of helping himself or determining what needs to be done. If you had a 2 year old who said he felt funny, would you wait until he said call me an ambulance? No. You're the only adult here anymore; this needs to be YOUR call. And if you're not willing to do it, call his parents and ask them to do it.

He NEEDS you to be the strong one right now. He needs you to help him by getting the authorities involved.


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Take him to a psychiatrist.

Maybe you can get a two for one deal.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Call 911 and have him taken in for evaluation.

Call his mother and tell her where he is and why.

Then pack your bags and leave. Have no further contact with him.


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