# Advice needed



## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

I'm been married for over ten years and have recently been talking to an old friend. He's actually more than that, he's the man I should have married. I have such strong feelings for him but haven't acted on them yet...I'm just not sure what to do. This person suits me better than my husband and surpasses him in so many ways. I want to be faithful but I feel I'm fighting a losing battle
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

The only thing you can possibly do is divorce first then after its final then date him. 

So many take the easy way out and have an affair which of course makes things worse. 

Is this "friend" married?

Is your husband abusive?

Kids?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Having an affair isn't going to help anything. Take it from someone who did that. Either get some counseling and figure out why you're unhappy in your marriage (and then decide if it's fixable) or divorce. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> I'm been married for over ten years and have recently been talking to an old friend. He's actually more than that, he's the man I should have married. I have such strong feelings for him but haven't acted on them yet...I'm just not sure what to do. This person suits me better than my husband and surpasses him in so many ways. I want to be faithful but I feel I'm fighting a losing battle
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your name is well suited...you're living in a Fantasy world.


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

My husband isn't abusive. But he's changed over the years and I don't think he appreciates me for who I am. I've tried talking with him about it to no avail. I believe my friend knows me better in so many ways than my own husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Fantasy said:


> My husband isn't abusive. But he's changed over the years and I don't think he appreciates me for who I am. I've tried talking with him about it to no avail. I believe my friend knows me better in so many ways than my own husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So it's your husbands fault you want to cheat on him??


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Of course your "friend" seems to know you better. 

He's telling you everything you want to hear. 

Does your friend make sexual advances toward you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Most men who pursue married women are scuzzballs.

Most men who "don't appreciate their wives for who they are" yet demonsrate their committment to a woman by marrying them, and prioritizing their marriag and families are heroes.


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> So it's your husbands fault you want to cheat on him??


People change. I get that. But he should be prepared for the consequences
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

jerry123 said:


> Of course your "friend" seems to know you better.
> 
> He's telling you everything you want to hear.
> 
> ...


I've actually come on to him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NEVER HAPPEN 2 ME RIGHT? (Sep 28, 2012)

Don't feed the troll.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Fantasy,

if the shoe was on the other foot and your husband saw you as someone who does not appreciate him (and he may feel that way BTW) and a old girlfriend reached out to him, and they seem perfect for each other....what would you expect him to do? would you want him to cheat on you...how would you feel knowing that he cheated on you?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Fantasy said:


> People change. I get that. But he should be prepared for the consequences
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ah, gotcha. Buh bye.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> I've actually come on to him
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, I'll bite. 

And what does he say or do when you come on to him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> I've actually come on to him
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So what do you want, your cake and eat it too?

You're playing with fire. If you are done with marriage, file for a divorce and move out; move on. 

What exactly are you looking for here?

*Do you even want to save your marriage? *
...because if you do, coming on to an old flame is not the right way to do that.

Why are you here? Perspective? Tips? What is your goal?


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

Xenote said:


> Fantasy,
> 
> if the shoe was on the other foot and your husband saw you as someone who does not appreciate him (and he may feel that way BTW) and a old girlfriend reached out to him, and they seem perfect for each other....what would you expect him to do? would you want him to cheat on you...how would you feel knowing that he cheated on you?


I'd feel hurt
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

jerry123 said:


> Ok, I'll bite.
> 
> And what does he say or do when you come on to him?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm just being honest. I love him for the man he is but it does make matters worse that I'm attracted to him. He reciprocates.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FLman (Nov 6, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> My husband isn't abusive. But he's changed over the years and I don't think he appreciates me for who I am. I've tried talking with him about it to no avail. I believe my friend knows me better in so many ways than my own husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Imagine your first date, and your first fight...its exciting at first and as it blossoms from there with ups and downs. What I mean is that you have started to communicate with your old flame without the knowledge of your husband, you are giving your best qualities to him and your husband is probably not being treated well, he is under scrutiny and probably can't do anything right in your eyes!
Carrying a emotional affair and or even a physical affair can be detrimental to your husband, he will eventually figure things out as he gets treated like crap, but sometimes he might get treated better to compensate for the secrecy, but at the end you are cheating yourself out of a good relationship (if that is the case). 
I would recommend really try to connect with your husband, spend time together doing quality things, share things, and give it time as one or two days will not cut it! After a few months if you have no feelings for your husband then you have to be honest with him and leave the relationship...there is a reason why everyone here who has gone through cheating spouses have deep emotional scars. I think there is less hurt to part ways than to bring a third person on board...even if you regret and do not want to move on, he has been hurt so much that repair is only a repair and the relationship will never be the same...try to strengthen your own relationship first if there still love, if not then part ways and don't drag the other person through emotional mud!

He has not changed, you just have grown apart due to lack of quality time together, bring that back and I bet things do not look as bad as before!!!


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> I'm just being honest. I love him for the man he is but it does make matters worse that I'm attracted to him. He reciprocates.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You've already started an affair with your friend. 

Is he married?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

tulsy said:


> So what do you want, your cake and eat it too?
> 
> You're playing with fire. If you are done with marriage, file for a divorce and move out; move on.
> 
> ...


I guess I'm wondering if anyone else out there has been in my shoes. And if so, what they learned from the choices they made. Their regrets?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

jerry123 said:


> You've already started an affair with your friend.
> 
> Is he married?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jambri (Mar 19, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> People change. I get that. But he should be prepared for the consequences
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Consequences? I think losing you would be addition by subtraction.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> My husband isn't abusive. But he's changed over the years and I don't think he appreciates me for who I am.


Of course he did, but you and the guy who you "should have married" remained the same. Sounds like you don't appreciate your husband.

I always find the "who I am" excuse interesting. Usually, it is followed by some extremely narcissistic comments about everything the cheating (thinking about it) spouse wants and how the betrayed person doesn't fit their needs. Then, as the story continues, we find out they BOTH stopped communicating, or the spouse was actually working their butts of to give the cheating spouse all of their needs and the cheater wanted more.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Fantasy said:


> I guess I'm wondering if anyone else out there has been in my shoes. And if so, what they learned from the choices they made. Their regrets?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need to figure it out for yourself. Anyone else's experiences aren't going to be relevant to your situation. Which is why I suggested counseling for yourself to try to figure out what's right for you. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

This man just might be your "sould mate", the man of your dreams and your husband is just a loser.

Now let's look at the potential future from the man's perspective.

1. He has reconnected with a hottie from his past.
2. The hottie is coming on to him.
3. The hottie tells him how her marriage s*cks.
4. They start talking about a future together.
5. You either start a physical affair or you divorce your husband and pursue this guy.

Let's now look into this guy's brain:

1. He knows for a fact that you cheated on your husband and you are cheating.
2. In the depths of his heart he knows for a fact that if you cheated on your husband there is a very high chance that you will cheat on him.
3. He will get what he can from you, take your body, but in his heart of hearts will never trust you. He can't. He already knows your soul and knows that you don't give a rip about your husband and at any moment you could turn on this dude and not give a rip.
4. Your future with this guy no matter what he says, will have a very filmsy foundation of mistrust.


Statistically the odds are always against these types of relationships lasting.

Go home and tell your husband you want a divorce and tell the other dude and see where it goes.

I imagine you feel you are going to beat the odds.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What you are saying is that you are not a faithful wife. You are saying that you can't be trusted.

Why are you wanting to have an affair instead of simply divorcing your husband?

Google infidelity statistics. Almost no couples that cheat together stay together. It will always be on your cheating mans mind that you could easily cheat on him just like you cheat on your husband. It will always be on your mind that your boyfriend easily cheats with married women.

Everyone will eventually know you cheated on your husband. People that know you will always talk about you behind your back about you being a cheater for the rest of your life. Most of your married girlfriends will never trust you again as they will see you as a threat to their marriages. The guys you know will think you are a **** an a target for an easy lay.


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## thebadguy (Dec 7, 2012)

So how old are you and your husband? How long have you been married? How long were you together before that?

Who pays the bills? Could you get by on your own?


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## thebadguy (Dec 7, 2012)

I know how this goes. I know exactly how you feel. The right thing to do is to shut down your affair entirely. No contact. Go to counseling with your husband and figure out if you want to divorce or not.

The wrong thing to do, is to come on to other men, have intercourse with them, get caught, destroy the man you once loved, get kicked out of your house, push your husband into filing for divorce, realize you wanted him all along, convince him to take you back, grind through the next 5 years being completely miserable together and then finally file for divorce yourself after you bring a child into the world thinking THAT will fix your broken marriage.

Or...leave your hubby now. File for divorce. Marry this man of your dreams and forget your hubby ever existed. Options 1 and 3 are better for your husband than 2. They are better for you too.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> People change. I get that. But he should be prepared for the consequences
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:scratchhead:

YOU haven't changed? what consequences should you have to accept?


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> My husband isn't abusive. But he's changed over the years and I don't think he appreciates me for who I am. I've tried talking with him about it to no avail. I believe my friend knows me better in so many ways than my own husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


it is beyond arrogant to make statements like what ive pointed out above. who do you think you are that you can KNOW what he is thinking or feeling?


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

If you are really interested in pursuing something with this guy from your past, and are willing to give up the life that you know to do that... Do that first. 

Cheating is something that weighs heavily on your conscious, and is a black cloud that will follow your relationship around forever. End your marriage first.... if for no other reason than because it is the right thing to do, and you promised.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I'm been married for over ten years and have recently been talking to an old friend. He's actually more than that, he's the man I should have married. I have such strong feelings for him but haven't acted on them yet...I'm just not sure what to do. This person suits me better than my husband and surpasses him in so many ways. I want to be faithful but I feel I'm fighting a losing battle
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then do your husband a favor, file for divorce and do right by him. In other words, don't try to screw him over in the divorce, especially if kids are involved.

Your husband deserves to move on and find happiness.


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## How am I Going to Surviv (Sep 12, 2013)

90 % (or more) of your happiness, or lack thereof comes from within, from you; not from your husband or anyone else. 

If you truly can't be happy with your husband, tell him. You owe him that. But, remember it's not him that's broken, it's you. Maybe the two of you can work it out.

If you can't work it out, fine: file and walk away. Do everything you can to minimize the effect on your husband. Don't ask for any money or support of any kind, just pack up your sh!t and go. At this point, having already started an affair, this is as close to the high road as you're going to get.

Your husband will be hurt, but way less hurt than if you go test drive this other guy first.

Let him find someone he deserves. Let him find someone who respects him, respects marriage, respects boundaries and respects them-self. Not meaning to be harsh, but if you continue on this path, I don't think any of these qualifications describe you.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> People change. I get that. But he should be prepared for the consequences
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, I think we can stop taking this "woman" seriously.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I guess I'm wondering if anyone else out there has been in my shoes. And if so, what they learned from the choices they made. Their regrets?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 I have in a way. A few years ago I reunited with a old girlfriend. We were together in my teen years. 

Then we split. Many years later we made contact and she tells me that she always loved me. I tell her that I'm very flattered but lots of years have passed and I'm not the same person that I was way back when and neither is she.

Well Since either one of us aren't married we got back together and it lasted 9 months The first month was good but the rest, no so good. Matter in fact, it was terrible.

Point is, your husband changed and I'll bet the house that you have too and I'll double down the bet that your old BF has changed too. All in all if you split from your husband and take up with the old flame after ten years it's like the old saying goes that "your buying a pig in a poke".

You better start thinking a bit harder about what your doing because your already half way out of the frying pan and the next step very well might be the fire


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> People change. I get that. But he should be prepared for the consequences
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh, yeah! The consequences where you risk giving him an STD? *Those* consequence?


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

vellocet said:


> Ok, I think we can stop taking this "woman" seriously.


I wouldn't judge her. Always give the benefit of the doubt. The more you are around the guy the more the fire is fueled. You need to cut off contact or you are overstimulating your desire.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> My husband isn't abusive. But he's changed over the years and I don't think he appreciates me for who I am. I've tried talking with him about it to no avail. I believe my friend knows me better in so many ways than my own husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't eat cake Just go for it you seem to have it all figured out
File for D and live happily ever after it will be so easy.

55


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

I think she is for real.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think to OM see a women coming on to him as easy pickings and once this relationship starts to get hard...like making a commitment to you... He will bail!

Maybe the both of you should take the time to date, meet each other's friends, meet each other's parents... oh that's right, you can't go on dates in public, meet each other's friends and family....Your married!!!!


I hope you see how healthy relationships start and how unhealthy relationships fail.

You will regret this after the OM sees how hard it is to really court you and actually make a commitment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Guys don't commit to chicks that are easy.

Your AP is not going to make a commitment to a chick that cheats on her old man..he is how ever going to get laid soon enough!

Again from the guys point of view, you are a easy score, with very little effort or commitment from the guy.

Sorry girl but I don't see your boy friend taking you home to meet his mother any time soon.


The is a right way to do thing.... a way that will bring you the least amount of regret.

After all people change even this new guy!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

I'm listening to everyone and the consensus seems to be that my old friend would eventually leave me because of mistrust. Would there be any harm in letting my old friend take care of certain emotional and sexual needs that are currently unfulfilled by my husband? I mean, what if it actually helps our marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I'm listening to everyone and the consensus seems to be that my old friend would eventually leave me because of mistrust. Would there be any harm in letting my old friend take care of certain emotional and sexual needs that are currently unfulfilled by my husband? I mean, what if it actually helps our marriage?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Must.... not..... feed.....

We should refer this poster to carrie or kendall.....


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Fantasy said:


> I'm listening to everyone and the consensus seems to be that my old friend would eventually leave me because of mistrust. Would there be any harm in letting my old friend take care of certain emotional and sexual needs that are currently unfulfilled by my husband? I mean, what if it actually helps our marriage?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What's wrong with a divorce before you start getting your needs catered to by others? Why do you want to stay married to someone who's not good enough for you? Is divorce too inconvenient? Have you actually talked to your husband about it or are you too coward to do that? 

Think you are a under-the-bridge dweller anyway.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Fantasy said:


> I'm listening to everyone and the consensus seems to be that my old friend would eventually leave me because of mistrust. Would there be any harm in letting my old friend take care of certain emotional and sexual needs that are currently unfulfilled by my husband? I mean, what if it actually helps our marriage?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good idea, tell your husband he is not being a good husband so you have decided on an open marriage.

Tell him you have found some old friends on face book that can service you better than him and they can have and actual adult conversation with you. Tell him he should also look on facebook for some of his old friends to hookup with. There are also websites for married folks to get laid that don't want to get divorced, the two of you can join up together. By adding alcohol with your types of folks you can have very deep meaningful conversations too.

Tell your husband he is a great guy but compared to the other guys you want to be with he is just a distant second place loser.

By the way, buy plenty of condoms, from now on *DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE YOU ACTUALLY CARE FOR WITHOUT A CONDOM.* Its ok to have sex with the others without condoms cause that's how those kinds of people get STDs anyway.


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

WhiteRaven said:


> What's wrong with a divorce before you start getting your needs catered to by others? Why do you want to stay married to someone who's not good enough for you? Is divorce too inconvenient? Have you actually talked to your husband about it or are you too coward to do that?
> 
> Think you are a under-the-bridge dweller anyway.


Divorce is very much frowned upon in my family and I do love my husband. While I haven't mentioned the word 'divorce' to him, I have brought up my needs that aren't being met and how he has changed. He says he will try to compromise but at the end of the day nothing changes. This has gone on for several months so I feel I've given it a fair chance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Fantasy said:


> *Divorce is very much frowned upon in my family* and I do love my husband. While I haven't mentioned the word 'divorce' to him, I have brought up my needs that aren't being met and how he has changed. He says he will try to compromise but at the end of the day nothing changes. This has gone on for several months so I feel I've given it a fair chance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And Adultery is accepted in your family? Holy he!!. 

If someone doesn't change, replace him but it's not anyone's birthright to betray his trust. If you really love your husband, gift him with a dignified divorce instead of cuckolding him. 

'Love' and 'my needs' are contradictory words.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I'm listening to everyone and the consensus seems to be that my old friend would eventually leave me because of mistrust. Would there be any harm in letting my old friend take care of certain emotional and sexual needs that are currently unfulfilled by my husband? I mean, what if it actually helps our marriage?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## How am I Going to Surviv (Sep 12, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I'm listening to everyone and the consensus seems to be that my old friend would eventually leave me because of mistrust. Would there be any harm in letting my old friend take care of certain emotional and sexual needs that are currently unfulfilled by my husband? I mean, what if it actually helps our marriage?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know you're wanting to bounce ideas off of this forum, but an important, life-changing decision like this, you should ask your husband. Talk with him openly and honestly about your needs and ask what he thinks of your proposed solution to bang this other guy.


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## adriana (Dec 21, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I'm listening to everyone and the consensus seems to be that my old friend would eventually leave me because of mistrust. Would there be any harm in letting my old friend take care of certain emotional and sexual needs that are currently unfulfilled by my husband? I mean, what if it actually helps our marriage?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Fantasy, you're truly.... fantasy.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Do you live anywhere near a bridge? Just wondering.


If there is anything worse than a cheater, it's a cold calculating cheater.
Just saying


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

adriana said:


> Fantasy, you're truly.... fantasy.


Amen.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

fantasy said:


> i'm listening to everyone and the consensus seems to be that my old friend would eventually leave me because of mistrust. Would there be any harm in letting my old friend take care of certain emotional and sexual needs that are currently unfulfilled by my husband? I mean, what if it actually helps our marriage?
> _posted via mobile device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Fantasy said:


> Divorce is very much frowned upon in my family and I do love my husband. While I haven't mentioned the word 'divorce' to him, I have brought up my needs that aren't being met and how he has changed. He says he will try to compromise but at the end of the day nothing changes. This has gone on for several months so I feel I've given it a fair chance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We hear this all the time here. What happens is that one partner thinks they are communicating their needs to the other partner. What really is happening is the other partner thinks everything is now OK.

You don't seem to know how bad what your thinking about doing is going to be to your husband. He will be stabbed in the back by the one person in this world that should be protecting his back from every possible harm. Except for losing a child, its the worst thing any woman can do to a man. He will never, ever trust you again. He will never, ever trust a woman again. He may have severe mental problems. The suicide rate for divorced men skyrockets. Oh, I didn't mention he will divorce you. Only 15% of men can stay with a cheating wife.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I think you need to go finish your mid-term paper or homework or whatever it is you should be working on and not get onto grown-up internet sites. Does your mommy and daddy know that you are here ?

By the way let your parents know that the therapist sessions are not working!


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## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I'm been married for over ten years and have recently been talking to an old friend. He's actually more than that, he's the man I should have married. I have such strong feelings for him but haven't acted on them yet...I'm just not sure what to do. This person suits me better than my husband and surpasses him in so many ways. I want to be faithful but I feel I'm fighting a losing battle
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know the answer - as you said "he is the man i should have married".

So, divorce your husband and marry him - quite simple.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Honestly fantasy....

I'm sure everyone reading and posting thinks you are a troll (trolling forums). 

If you're not a troll, you get your emotional and sexual needs from your husband. If he can't offer that then you divorce. It's that simple.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Fantasy, just cut out all the hassle. Just post your own self on CheaterVille :: Don't Be the Last to Know.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

There's a man from my past I wish I would have married too but 

I DIDN'T!!

I married my husband and he married his wife. End of our story. 

Married women who mess with married men look cheap. Married men who mess with married women, look cheap too. 

Your "friend" will not have respect for you if you are easy and sleep with him. Plus, he will become a cheater. If he cheats on his wife, he will cheat on you. MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT THE PREVIOUS SENTENCE. 

Show your "friend" you have self respect and self control and he will admire you. 

If BOTH your marriages end in divorce and you end up together one day, that may work. 

For now, work on your marriage or get out of your marriage. 

It's frustrating reading about all this ditzy fantasy life that wreaks havoc on the innocent. 

Again, this is 18 year old girl stuff, not grown woman stuff. Love yourself.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Fantasy, just cut out all the hassle. Just post your own self on CheaterVille :: Don't Be the Last to Know.


Probably best advice yet!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

I realize that no marriage is perfect. Sacrifices must be made by both partners. Shouldn't we also consider that life is too short to deny yourself the best from time to time? Most facets of my marriage are wonderful but about the rest, my husband won't do anything. I don't want to hurt my husband but it's so hard not to yearn for the better qualities of my long time friend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I realize that no marriage is perfect. Sacrifices must be made by both partners. Shouldn't we also consider that life is too short to deny yourself the best from time to time? Most facets of my marriage are wonderful but about the rest, my husband won't do anything. I don't want to hurt my husband but it's so hard not to yearn for the better qualities of my long time friend.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Awww just go shoot yourself in the foot then will ya and be done with it.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> I realize that no marriage is perfect. Sacrifices must be made by both partners. Shouldn't we also consider that life is too short to deny yourself the best from time to time? Most facets of my marriage are wonderful but about the rest, my husband won't do anything. I don't want to hurt my husband but it's so hard not to yearn for the better qualities of my long time friend.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fantasy...

I think you're on the wrong forum. This ones about marriage, pro marriage. It obvious you want the forum where the posters say "Awww, we feel you pain and go ahead and cheat behind your husbands back so you can feel so much better about yourself". 

You keep talking about how your hubby does not give you your needs. Do you give him what YOU are looking for? We're only getting your side of the story. Why don't you send him this link and let's get his side. 


Take this advice: You're in such a "fog" right now it's just so comical. If you can think straight you would see how selfish you are being. 

If you ever let this go to a PA, or should I say when...please update and let us know if your marriage got better. He will find out...

I've given all the advice I can give. Good luck on what ever becomes of your delema.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> .....I do love my husband.


No you don't. Don't lie to us and even more so, don't lie to yourself. 


> Would there be any harm in letting my old friend take care of certain emotional and sexual needs that are currently unfulfilled by my husband?


If you REALLY loved him, you would not even entertain the idea of "getting your emotional and sexual needs met by someone else".

That statement of yours is a complete anathema to how a true loving spouse would act. If your needs were not being met, then your love for your spouse would necessitate the requirement to let your H know that this was a boundary that needed to be fixed, or divorce was on its way. Simple.

Cheating is a cowardly and inhumane act, lets get that straight for starters.


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## adriana (Dec 21, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I realize that no marriage is perfect. Sacrifices must be made by both partners. Shouldn't we also consider that life is too short to deny yourself the best from time to time? Most facets of my marriage are wonderful but about the rest, my husband won't do anything. I don't want to hurt my husband but it's so hard not to yearn for the better qualities of my long time friend.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Fantasy clearly knows how to subtly yank the chain.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

adriana said:


> Fantasy clearly knows how to subtly yank the chain.


Yes adriana. Silly me for taking the bait. I got reeled in real good.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

adriana said:


> Fantasy clearly knows how to subtly yank the chain.


Subtly?


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

"She's" not even trying to make this sound legitimate.


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

jerry123 said:


> Fantasy...
> 
> I think you're on the wrong forum. This ones about marriage, pro marriage. It obvious you want the forum where the posters say "Awww, we feel you pain and go ahead and cheat behind your husbands back so you can feel so much better about yourself".
> 
> ...


I do thank you for your perspective. Maybe I am in a "fog"...that's why I'm seeking advice. My problem appears to have no good solution because with each one somebody gets hurt. Yes, I'm including myself. 
I provide my husband with all of what I ask of him. Some may not believe it, but I try not to judge his opinions and I listen to him. I also serve his physical needs, often preempting them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> Maybe I am in a "fog"...that's why I'm seeking advice.


Fantasy my girl, I don't think the gal in this story is in a fog at all. She has lost significant romantic interest in her husband and is seeking to find it elsewhere, and she apparently has. The give away is the placing the soon to be other man at the pinnacle of the totem pole and her husband at the bottom. A chick with a high romantic interest doesn't see other guys as superior to her old man, although realistically there are many.
As I've said in other posts there is motive, opportunity and rationalization in every willful action . She has the motive (loss of romantic interest) and opportunity. She is seeking the rationalization.
Rather than asking for a divorce, she could tell her husband what this cat's wife told him as reported in another thread, "Lets just be friends". He'll get the picture.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> Fantasy my girl, I don't think the gal in this story is in a fog at all. She has lost significant romantic interest in her husband and is seeking to find it elsewhere, and she apparently has. The give away is the placing the soon to be other man at the pinnacle of the totem pole and her husband at the bottom. A chick with a high romantic interest doesn't see other guys as superior to her old man, although realistically there are many.
> As I've said in other posts there is motive, opportunity and rationalization in every willful action . She has the motive (loss of romantic interest) and opportunity. She is seeking the rationalization.
> Rather than asking for a divorce, she could tell her husband what this cat's wife told him as reported in another thread, "Lets just be friends". He'll get the picture.


That's what the "fog" is....she's in it.

Let me guess fantasy, you think about OM daily?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You 'preempt' his physical needs? What an interesting concept.


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## adriana (Dec 21, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> You 'preempt' his physical needs? What an interesting concept.



I find it quite intriguing too.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

File for divorce first. do not cheat first.

Your H is more of a man than any POSOM.

do yourself a favor. File for divorce, tell your H you want the OM and go for it.

So hurry and file, because your fantasy will blow up in your face.

unicorns do not poop in fantasy land. but you will regret when POSOM and real life hit you in the face with it all over.


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

I'm not so doltish to think my friend is perfect. He has his flaws like all of us do, but in some very important ways he's superior to my husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## carpenoctem (Jul 4, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> I'm not so doltish to think my friend is perfect. He has his flaws like all of us do, but in some very important ways he's superior to my husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



yes. he is not yet used > abused > disused.

he is a new car.



I presume you are not a patch on Scarlett Johansson (going by the sex rank prototyping).

*So?*


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

OP why the hell are you here? What exactly are you looking for? You said you want to know whether others have experienced similar things. The answer is yes. Invariably yes. 

Everyone sees someone attractive, and almost everyone has an opportunity to capitalize on someone attractive. But marriage is not about doing what feels good. It's about making your spouse feel good. 

In marriage you will either sacrifice yourself or you will sacrifice those who love you. There's not enough room in reality for everyone to have everything they want.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Fantasy said:


> I guess I'm wondering if anyone else out there has been in my shoes. And if so, what they learned from the choices they made. Their regrets?


They learned that THEY were taking their marriage for granted more so than their SPOUSE and they were being a scumball for coming on to other men.

Wouldn't your mother be proud?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Fantasy said:


> I also serve his physical needs, often preempting them.


I bet you won't call it 'preempting' when you're hiding in the motel room with your lover.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> I'm not so doltish to think my friend is perfect. He has his flaws like all of us do, but in some very important ways he's superior to my husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This tells me you were never truly in love with your husband, and up to the point you developed feelings for the OM, you were living a lie. 

I feel bad for your husband. Sounds like you have already made up your mind to go to the other man. So why not just tell your husband, get a divorce first, and then get together with the OM? 

Doesn't your husband at least deserve some consideration, or are you so selfish you cannot wait to jump in the sack with the other man? 

I think a few years down the road you are going to feel like an idiot and realise you blew a sure thing with your husband.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I'm not so doltish to think my friend is perfect. He has his flaws like all of us do, but in some very important ways he's superior to my husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Fantasy said:


> I guess I'm wondering if anyone else out there has been in my shoes. And if so, what they learned from the choices they made. Their regrets?


How about shame?

How about everybody knowing you're a piece of scum for cheating?

How about losing the respect of people who should be proud of you?

How about your own kids finding out and being sad that their own mother is a liar/cheater/sneak/selfish person?

How about risking job/stability/depression/friends?

How about growing old and uglier (inside and out) and realizing that your wonderful wonderful POSOM only wanted that 'place' in your body, just like that place inside every OTHER woman he screws who's dumb enough to let him and then realizing you have nothing left to offer anyone once this POSOM dumps you because not only are you now a cheater and a liar but you aged and you lost your looks so now you have neither integrity NOR looks?


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

My step-daughter told me recently that she had been complaining about her boyfriend of 5 years to my FWH, about how he didn't help with the kids (after working 14 hours). Guess what she said he told her? "You need to check out what's going on in your head first before you throw his sh*t in the yard. Your relationship could be absolutely perfect but your self-esteem and monkey brain could be all f*cked up to where you THINK it's your relationship because people tend to blame the person closest to their heart for all their problems. Listen to your daddy, you know it happened to me."

That came from a FWH in a conversation I knew nothing about until recently when discussing something out of the blue. And you know when a daddy gives his daughter relationship advice about someone SHE thinks isn't good enough (sound like you?), it's worth considering.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

jerry123 said:


> That's what the "fog" is....she's in it.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you can call it a fog because she's obsessed with this other cat, but what she feels, or correctly put, doesn't feel for her husband is permanent. To say this gal's husband is relegated to second place is an outrageous overstatement of his position.


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

I'm considering sitting my husband down and telling him about my friend, specifically how I'm sexually and emotionally attracted to him. My friend is willing to do things with me that my spouse never will (and I've asked) and it's important to me. I know sex isn't foremost but you have to admit it can cause serious frustrations. I want my husband to know that I love him and want to stay with him but I can't get my friend off my mind
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I'm considering sitting my husband down and telling him about my friend, specifically how I'm sexually and emotionally attracted to him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


IF you love him, you would not have to even consider doing that at all. You would just do it, instead of posting here about it. What are you scared of? That he may have a boundary too and tell you to go have amazing sex with your apparent Adonis, and never darken his door ever again?

I've got news for you, if this POS who is happy to have sex with a married woman, destroying a family in the process, is willing to do "things" with you that your husband does not, and you just can't wait to get into lover boy's pants, then put on your big girl knickers and at least have the guts to tell him.

That you even have to toss it over in your mind, like deciding which colour shoes you're going to wear on any given day, speaks volumes about the kind of person that you are.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

Fantasy...I honestly beleive that you already did more with OM then what you are actualy telling us, maybe not 100% phisical but certainly at least a good 40%. I might be wrong... but the way i see in into the OM gives me this thought. So why not stop being a WW cake eater and di the right thing?


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## carpenoctem (Jul 4, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> I'm considering sitting my husband down and telling him about my friend, specifically how I'm sexually and emotionally attracted to him. *My friend is willing to do things with me that my spouse never will (and I've asked) and it's important to me.* I know sex isn't foremost but you have to admit it can cause serious frustrations. I want my husband to know that I love him and want to stay with him but I can't get my friend off my mind
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Lady,

*Please ask him (your friend) whether HE is willing to do the things you husband always DOES too* (sharing the din and drag of daily life and its responsibilities, the bills and the clogged drains and the bad hair days and diseases and depression and keeping a relationship with your parents whether they are compatible or not and mowing the lawn and cleaning your vomit when sick and the… ….*and STILL finding you attractive enough to have sex with *- maybe not too often, but that is a bilateral dynamic).

Presumably, *consummate love* is not a concept that suits your mental / sexual makeup.

Perhaps you should / will adopt serial monogamy as your way of life. It would be a better idea to do it after letting your husband free. *Let him also find a woman who does things that you are not willing to do for him (but will do for your ‘friend’).*



*I wish you the best of luck. And I wish him (your husband) much more.*


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I'm considering sitting my husband down and telling him about my friend, specifically how I'm sexually and emotionally attracted to him. My friend is willing to do things with me that my spouse never will (and I've asked) and it's important to me. I know sex isn't foremost but you have to admit it can cause serious frustrations. I want my husband to know that I love him and want to stay with him but I can't get my friend off my mind
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I'd divorce you right on the spot. I'd say live it and love it baby, ceeya later. Then I'd go find a young hottie (or about 4 or 5) and live my life with someone who wants me. 

I can't imagine a man of any pride or fortitude ever wanting to be with a woman who did what you think your about to do, sit him down like a little child and tell him how you wanna fvck and suck and "love" another dude!!!!

No way lady. Your damaged goods, I'd move on. Please, direct your hubby here to TAM, we'll set him on the straight and narrow. 

Sorry if that's a little blunt, but wow. Just wow, the poor guy doesn't have a clue a semi truck is about to wreck his life. Terrible.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Fantasy said:


> I'm considering sitting my husband down and telling him about my friend, specifically how I'm sexually and emotionally attracted to him. My friend is willing to do things with me that my spouse never will (and I've asked) and it's important to me. I know sex isn't foremost but you have to admit it can cause serious frustrations. I want my husband to know that I love him and want to stay with him but I can't get my friend off my mind.


Fantasy, this is wonderful. I mean it. These kinds of conversations are what make marriages fulfilling. And what moves them forward into something you BOTH want. And then you'll know if he's willing to be what you need or not, and then if he says no, you can LEAVE the marriage to go be with this other guy WITHOUT SHAME.

Best thing ever. Good luck!


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I think communicating is the first step...and the right step.....regardless of what he says at least it is out in the open to discuss......he may shut it down completely, he may be open to an open marriage (on both sides), he may divorce you, but the important thing is that your going to talk about it instead of going behind his back...and that is the right answer.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Stevenj said:


> I wouldn't judge her. Always give the benefit of the doubt.


Uh, she thinks that HE is the one that deserves the consequences of HER actions.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> Divorce is very much frowned upon in my family


As opposed to f****g someone outside your marriage? Really?




> and I do love my husband.


:bsflag:





> While I haven't mentioned the word 'divorce' to him, I have brought up my needs that aren't being met and how he has changed.


Its all about you isn't it? What about your husband's needs? Or do those not count?




> He says he will try to compromise but at the end of the day nothing changes.


Perhaps because nothing changes on your side. You want it all your way. This isn't Burger King. You want him to change? Then be a better wife, if that's possible.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> I'm considering sitting my husband down and telling him about my friend, specifically how I'm sexually and emotionally attracted to him. My friend is willing to do things with me that my spouse never will (and I've asked) and it's important to me. I know sex isn't foremost but you have to admit it can cause serious frustrations. I want my husband to know that I love him and want to stay with him but I can't get my friend off my mind
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think telling your husband is a good idea.

And if you think that you should be allowed to have sex with the other man and, for some ridiculous reason, think that this might help the marriage, then how would you feel about telling your husband that he should go out and have sex with other women? Its only fair.


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

vellocet said:


> I think telling your husband is a good idea.
> 
> And if you think that you should be allowed to have sex with the other man and, for some ridiculous reason, think that this might help the marriage, then how would you feel about telling your husband that he should go out and have sex with other women? Its only fair.


Honestly, I would let him. I wouldn't ask of him what I'm not willing to give
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Then why be married?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

turnera said:


> Then why be married?


Bingo!


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> Honestly, I would let him. I wouldn't ask of him what I'm not willing to give
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You would let him because you still would want to be able to bone this other man.

Honestly, and don't use how your family views it as an excuse, why don't you just set your husband free? 

But if you tell your husband, don't bullsh!t him. Tell him what you told us, that the OM is sexually superior in every way to him. That way your husband can make an informed choice whether he wants to bolt or not.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Fantasy

If your story is real and you are not a troll then here is my take:

You seem to have a serious desire for the OM. You make silly excuses such as it may help the marriage and that you would allow your husband to go to town sexually with another woman. *Those are just your rationalizations so that you justify what you want to do. Your statements are foolish and sound like a junior high school girl.*


There probably is a good chance that you are not going to get this out of your mind until you betray your husband so that you can fulfill your fantasy. If you get what you want from the OM then in a few years (Maybe a few months) you will be woman with a serious flaw in your character. Marriages and strong relationship are built on loyalty and trust. If you betray your husband you will be less desirable to a good man. You can get all the sleaze dog men you want but a good insightful man will never take betrayal lightly. *They will see your betrayal for what it is; a serious character flaw that is a relationship killer*.


Frankly there is a good chance that if you follow through with your betrayal you may get a few months or a year or two of feeding your selfishness but you probably will wind up a woman that tells everyone how the world is so screwed up but it will be mostly based on the fact that your future will not be fulfilling. You may even be one of those women that wonders why she is not happy in later life. *Do you really think that this other man that you have the hots for is going to admire you for being a betraying cheater?*


Betrayal is the opposite of loyalty and trust and is a very serious act of pure selfishness.
Fantasy, you sound like a woman that does not think about the long term future.

I would not be surprised to see you posting on here in the years to come and crying about how unfulfilled you are. If that happens then we wll just relaize that another loser bites the dust!


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## jnichk76 (Nov 4, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> Honestly, I would let him. I wouldn't ask of him what I'm not willing to give
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why did you not marry your friend over your husband to begin with?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

jnichk76 said:


> Why did you not marry your friend over your husband to begin with?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I made the mistake of picking good "husband material" over my best friend. One year later I knew I messed up. The kicker is that he's a great provider along side everything else I loved about him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"The kicker is that he's a great provider along side everything else I loved about him"

Who?

The POS?

Sorry to tell you this Fantasy, but you have rose-colored glasses on about what this guy truly is.

Any 'man' who would willingly chase another man's W in secret is a low-life piece of filth.

They have no character, ethics, or morals.

This is especially true if there are children in the family.

Because then the POS is destroying not just a M, but the happy and supportive family of innocents.

And any rotten piece of trash that's willing to do that should be ostracized and treated like the scum he is by everyone in society.

And the same can be said of a cheating POS spouse who ruins their own children's lives for their own selfish gratification.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> Honestly, I would let him. I wouldn't ask of him what I'm not willing to give
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I never believe this until it happens. My buddy's girlfriend lived two hours away. They were, really she was, cool with dating, dinners with other people and basically being in an open relationship. Funny how she was happy, until he did the same thing and it was a huge fight full of anger, jealousy and a bunch of questions. Funnier still, he was controlling and jealous when he asked about her dates.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Dyokemm said:


> Any 'man' who would willingly chase another man's W in secret is a low-life piece of filth.


In case you missed it.

This is what you're running toward.


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## Banshee (May 23, 2012)

Tell your husband you're no longer attracted to him, and that you find "Brand X" a trade up. Be honest with your husband, and allow him to also make choices in his future. You've already admitted that you'd be hurt if he did this to you. So... ask yourself why you don't simply tell your husband the truth. Fear of losing him? Fear of losing a sense of security? If you're ready to "wander" outside your marriage - that's your choice. However, your husband deserves to have a choice on how he leads his too. Telling him you're attracted to someone else shouldn't be that difficult unless you don't want to lose your husband in the process...


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I never believe this until it happens. My buddy's girlfriend lived two hours away. They were, really she was, cool with dating, dinners with other people and basically being in an open relationship. Funny how she was happy, until he did the same thing and it was a huge fight full of anger, jealousy and a bunch of questions. Funnier still, he was controlling and jealous when he asked about her dates.


I'm not saying it would work, only that I would have to allow him the same freedom that I'm asking of him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Fantasy, you still here? Haven't you had the affair yet? 

You do know what is meant by the concept of marriage in the real world not a 'fantasy' world. Remember those vows? 

Dunno why you don't get a D. Sometimes WS don't because they have a comfortable life with BS and aren't sure that the OM will offer them that. BS is your provider only poor sod. 

Anyway tell your BS you are going to sleep with your friend. Add that it's OK if he wants sleeps with other women. 

Stop prevaricating and delaying it and put yourself out of your misery as well as everyone on here who are banging their heads against a brick wall. You are surmising how your BS will react. Stop surmising and tell him.

It's interesting to be inside the head of a cheater who's about to cheat. I guess all WS do what you are doing, justify it with a 100 reasons while your poor BS remains in total ignorance. Your only saving grace is that you are going to tell him in advance which I haven't come across before on here. It's actually quite honourable strangely enough and you are giving him a choice in the matter. Also he has the full truth before you even sleep with OM. It will be interesting when you come home the next day and he asks how your date was. That must be how an open relationship works I guess. It should never be called a 'marriage' because it isn't. 

So when are you going to tell him? I'll be interested to hear his reaction. Also if you do it will you want to try out others when you have tried out OM or do you think you will stay with OM, if he proposes of course. 

I'd better shut up. I mean no harm in what I say. Just curious as to how it will all work.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Fantasy

You have it real bad for the OM and if you are not going to change a whole lot then *divorce and leave your husband. Even if he tries to get you back do not come back to him*


You have made your husband out to be someone that provides a good support for you but you are deceiving him and betraying him and you can do nothing but bring him down. You have him as a second class person and he needs a good woman that can make him a better man and get over you. *People who betray and cheat and will not change are poison to their spouse. Your husband can do a Lot better with a good woman that will not betray him.*


Why don’t you tell your husband that you think the OM is so much better than he is and that you cannot stop thinking about the sexual things he can do for you. That is your truth and if you divorce him you will do him a favor. Then you can go see how wonderful your fantasy is with the OM. After you engage in those sexual fantasies that you have with him for a few weeks or months and he then remembers that you will deceive a man, let him support you, while you rationalize your sexual fantasies, come back and tell us how wonderful your relationship is with him. 

*A good man can never respect and love a decieving manipulator that uses a man for supoprt, thinks of him as inferior to another man, and pants after the other man. *


Do your husband one last good thing; divorce him so that he can get a better woman!




> *Quotes of Fantasy*
> This person suits me better than my husband and surpasses him in so many ways.
> 
> I believe my friend knows me better in so many ways than my own husband.
> ...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Look, if you want this guy, fine. Go get him.

AFTER YOU DIVORCE.

And if he won't wait that long, guess what that tells you? You're just piece of tail to him.


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

Thanks for everyone's thoughts on my situation. I'm torn. I believe my friend is the one for me but people here seem to think after we are together he or I will lose interest, he'll view me as a cheater or simply a good time. I've had opportunities to cheat before but never considered it. My friend is the only one for which I'd throw away years of memory and a life. My girlfriend says I should sleep with my friend one time and see how it goes. She thinks I'll know one way or the other afterwards. She had a similar experience where, as a married woman, she kissed an old flame and it was nothing like it used to be. I have this picture of my friend standing in the doorway wearing only a towel. He's handsome and well built. I can't stop thinking about him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)




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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

So why not follow the advice you have been given and simply tell your husband what you're thinking?

"H, I have very strong feelings for [Person]. I really feel like I have given you ample warning and you have done nothing, leaving me vulnerable to someone else, and I feel like moving on."

Why not do that? Forget love; do you have any *respect* for your H, as a man and as a human being? If you want to be with someone else, then sever your ties first - or tell your H the above and at least give him the opportunity to do so. Don't leave him as your fallback plan after your friend uses you and leaves you (which may or may not happen). That is not fair to your H and would be extremely disrespectful to not give him information to make the decisions about his own life.

Someone being in emotional pain is unavoidable at this point, so rip the bandage off. I fail to see why this is so complicated, Fantasy.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> Thanks for everyone's thoughts on my situation. I'm torn. I believe my friend is the one for me but people here seem to think after we are together he or I will lose interest, he'll view me as a cheater or simply a good time. I've had opportunities to cheat before but never considered it. My friend is the only one for which I'd throw away years of memory and a life. My girlfriend says I should sleep with my friend one time and see how it goes. She thinks I'll know one way or the other afterwards. She had a similar experience where, as a married woman, she kissed an old flame and it was nothing like it used to be. I have this picture of my friend standing in the doorway wearing only a towel. He's handsome and well built. I can't stop thinking about him
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hahaha you're on a windup. Well done though


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> Thanks for everyone's thoughts on my situation. I'm torn. I believe my friend is the one for me but people here seem to think after we are together he or I will lose interest, he'll view me as a cheater or simply a good time. I've had opportunities to cheat before but never considered it. My friend is the only one for which I'd throw away years of memory and a life. My girlfriend says I should sleep with my friend one time and see how it goes. She thinks I'll know one way or the other afterwards. She had a similar experience where, as a married woman, she kissed an old flame and it was nothing like it used to be. I have this picture of my friend standing in the doorway wearing only a towel. He's handsome and well built. I can't stop thinking about him
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

It looks like you have already made your descsion....real at the end of the day all you really are asking for is permission from the poster.s...well that ain't going to happen fantasy...that is a fantasy.....I suggest you do what you have to do....then the you know what hits the fan you can can repost again in the section life after divorce......and oh btw nice company you keep....


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> My girlfriend says I should sleep with my friend one time and see how it goes. She thinks I'll know one way or the other afterwards. She had a similar experience where, as a married woman, she kissed an old flame and it was nothing like it used to be.





Real life is not the same as fantasies
Real life is for adults and fantasies are for children and silly teen agers


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> My girlfriend says I should sleep with my friend one time and see how it goes. She thinks I'll know one way or the other afterwards.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 If that's the kind of advice your getting from your girlfriend then please do yourself a favor and either stop asking for her advice or find another friend.

Now she tell you that maybe you should sleep with the guy and see how it goes right?

Now it's one thing if there's fireworks a plenty and chocolate covered rainbows and the mother of all orgasm's and you file for divorce and live happily ever after. Fine and dandy if you related to the Grimm brothers but I'll bet the house you aren't.

Now the other side. Say he stinks like hell in bed and you find out that Mister wonderful really ain't that wonderful so you decide to stick it out with your husband who the way you describe him can't hold a candle to him but he's better than nothing even though he has his flaws and for some reason you don't have any and then he finds out about your test drive. 

You think that he's just going to roll over and forgive you because your the greatest thing since sliced bread and a bag of chips? 

What if he tells you to stuff your lame excuse sideways and boots your ass out, then what do you have? 

You have nothing. Why? because your selfish bad decision to cheat did nothing but not only tarnish your reputation but you single handedly ripped the heart out of man because you though the grass was greener on the other side.

Your playing a dangerous game here and if you get caught, then let me be the first to tell that you got what you deserve. Hope you stop taking that kind of advice from your girlfriend and find a better solution then the one your drumming up.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Fantasy said:


> Thanks for everyone's thoughts on my situation. I'm torn. I believe my friend is the one for me but people here seem to think after we are together he or I will lose interest, he'll view me as a cheater or simply a good time. I've had opportunities to cheat before but never considered it. My friend is the only one for which I'd throw away years of memory and a life. My girlfriend says I should sleep with my friend one time and see how it goes. She thinks I'll know one way or the other afterwards. She had a similar experience where, as a married woman, she kissed an old flame and it was nothing like it used to be. I have this picture of my friend standing in the doorway wearing only a towel. He's handsome and well built. I can't stop thinking about him
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Make a list of your "friends" like this one and ask them to bang your husband. As a matter of fact there is no way you can trust the friend that gave you this advice not to bang your husband after the sh!t hits the fan. The last person a woman can trust around her man is a friend, best friend or even a sister. I have seen these situations a lot.

What has your other man said about all this? Have you actually talked to him about having an affair, moving in with him, marrying him?

If not mention you want to marry him and watch his face closely. Of course if he has experience committing adultery he will be able to lie with a straight face. You will get used to that too.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

6301 said:


> If that's the kind of advice your getting from your girlfriend then please do yourself a favor and either stop asking for her advice or find another friend.
> 
> Now she tell you that maybe you should sleep with the guy and see how it goes right?
> 
> ...


To add a little to this. If your husband catches you there is only about a 10-15% chance you can save your marriage. There is an 85% chance your husband is going to hate and despise you for the rest of his life. 

Look up infidelity statistics on google. Yu have a 10% chance you will still be with your cheating man for three years. If you make it that long, you have another 10% chance of making it to ten years. Oddly enough, people that cheat to get together do not trust each other and it destroys the relationship.

One spouse that cheated here is not even allowed to have her own cellphone:rofl:by her new husband that was a friend before the adultery. She's not even allowed a relationship with her children and grandchildren. See Hoosier.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

:iagree:


BjornFree said:


>


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Fantasy said:


> ....... in some very important ways he's superior to my husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you sure you haven't been up to some hanky panky already?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you told your husband yet?


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## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

Fantasy,

Maybe you have read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? The movie is good too as well as the musical...

Anyway, i am reading the post and you remind me Veruca Salt - Don't care how I want it now!


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

It's been about a year since I posted. I want to thank those who kindly responded to my request for help. Believe it or not your experiences and advice have resonated in my considerations. A few months ago I spent an evening with my friend. I ended up giving him oral. I was curious and very turned on that I couldn't stop myself. He was more that I expected and I fear I'm in worse shape now because it was good. I know you've said I should leave my provider husband and pursue my lover, if that's what I wish, but it's so hard to do. Anyway, I wanted to share this update with you all. Any further thoughts are always welcome. Thank you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I hope your husband leaves you in the dust. You have NOT considered what we told you, you considered only what makes YOU happy and who cares who you hurt. Ridiculous.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

turnera said:


> I hope your husband leaves you in the dust. You have NOT considered what we told you, you considered only what makes YOU happy and who cares who you hurt. Ridiculous.


:iagree:

Oh, Fantasy, get checked out for STDs/HIV.

And do *try* not to pass any 'social diseases' on to your poor husband.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Tell your BH what you have done....he deserves the right to know so he can decide what to do.

Honestly, his best choice will be to D you as fast as possible since you are so clearly screwed up in your thinking and priorities.

You came here looking for advice on what was the honest and best way for you to address your feelings and issues...you ignored that advice and then decided to follow that of your dumba** friend who said you should try it once.

Congrats, you have essentially just destroyed your family for a worthless POS who actually is willing to screw around with other men's wives.....what a lowlife piece of filth.

If your BH knew you actually came here and received advice on what was best to do in order to save your M and family, but instead of following it you ran off and selfishly started a PA with POSOM, he would probably D you instantly.

And he would be right to do so.


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

Oh, Fantasy, get checked out for STDs/HIV.

I completely trust this man


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Fantasy said:


> Oh, Fantasy, get checked out for STDs/HIV.
> 
> I completely trust this man



Which one? The fantasy lover or the poor betrayed husband?


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## Fantasy (Apr 11, 2014)

My lover, and friend. He doesn't have STDs


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Fitnessfan said:


> I don't believe this thread is real. Oh yeah, I met him and gave him oral. I'm married. Blah, blah, blah. Sure.


ya think ? I'm with you there.

Either she's a pathetic cheat or she's a story teller who decided after 10 months to come back and stick a finger in everybody's eye. Like we want to hear about an unrepentant cheater on CWI. 

If real, OP is a cake eater whose husband hopefully will find out and divorce her promptly, leaving her in ruins. Just my opinion. It's funny how she says "we advised her to leave her husband for the lover" which isn't what was said. We advised she not cheat and get her mental issues figured out and then ift hat didn't work, then leave and divorce first. She just skipped the 'getting checked out' and 'divorce first' parts of everything

I do recall she said she would be very hurt if her husband did this to her, then she goes out and does it to him anyway while out of the other side of her mouth claims she loves him. Doesn't add up. Does it ?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Did you ever sit your husband down, like you said you would, a year ago?

Why don't you just leave him? If your husband isn't meeting your needs, just leave him. 

If it's easier, PM me his contact information. I will be happy to subtly break the news to him. Then you are off the hook and all of you can begin to move on and be happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> Thanks for everyone's thoughts on my situation. I'm torn. I believe my friend is the one for me but people here seem to think after we are together he or I will lose interest, he'll view me as a cheater or simply a good time. I've had opportunities to cheat before but never considered it. My friend is the only one for which I'd throw away years of memory and a life. My girlfriend says I should sleep with my friend one time and see how it goes. She thinks I'll know one way or the other afterwards. She had a similar experience where, as a married woman, she kissed an old flame and it was nothing like it used to be. I have this picture of my friend standing in the doorway wearing only a towel. He's handsome and well built. I can't stop thinking about him
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then rip that towel off sister....you only get one time around in this life....let's be honest...it's not about how loyal, honest, upstanding we are in that one time around...it's how much fun we have doing it.

I mean, who cares in a couple years when your new man is trolling for a new woman, or you grow tired of him after a couple years....what difference does it make, you can always just find someone new...or he can. 

I mean he does go after married women, so his views on marriage vows must not be very strong, so as long as you don't care about 5 years from now and only focus on your short term pleasure....Go for it!!


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Fantasy said:


> It's been about a year since I posted. *I want to thank those who kindly responded to my request for help. Believe it or not your experiences and advice have resonated in my considerations*. A few months ago I spent an evening with my friend. *I ended up giving him oral.* I was curious and very turned on that I couldn't stop myself. He was more that I expected and I fear I'm in worse shape now because it was good. I know you've said I should leave my provider husband and pursue my lover, if that's what I wish, but it's so hard to do. Anyway, I wanted to share this update with you all. Any further thoughts are always welcome. Thank you.


So you want to thank people here for their advice because it helped you give the OM a BJ?:scratchhead:

Sorry but I'm afraid that anymore advice will only lead you to a gang bang.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> Oh, Fantasy, get checked out for STDs/HIV.
> 
> I completely trust this man




:wtf:

Oh, wow. In that case I have several dams in Wales that I can sell you. All at a very reasonable price.

:rofl:


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Fantasy said:


> Oh, Fantasy, get checked out for STDs/HIV.
> 
> I completely trust this man



For sure, he is just as trustworthy as you are, right? Good call. Good call.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

You know the OP is just Trolling right ?


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