# Wife says she doesn't love me



## Andy1968

Hi,

On my wedding anniversary 3 weeks ago, I came home from an early morning swim and presented my wife with flowers , chocs and a card. She forgot (first time) and blamed me for not remindeing her.
An argument ensued and then she blurted out that she doesn't love me and hasn't for the last 2 years.

This has knocked me for 6 and I am struggling very much.

We have been married for 12 years and have two kids aged 9 & 10.

I have told her I love her and we need to work out our problems (mostly caused by me as I can be too demanding and say the wrong things sometimes) 

I have been to councilling on my own but she seems not interested in trying to fix the issues.

I wrote 4 lists with headings like these

What I value in my wife
What I value in myself
What I beleive her issues are with me
What my issues are with her

I would like her to do the same and then we could go to couples councilling to work through the problems.

One of her friends also told her a few weeks ago that she was going to leave her husband and I feel she may be being influenced by this.

Anyway, she says she needs space to get her feelings sorted out in her head and although we still live under the same roof (seperate bedrooms) I am finding life very hard as she rarely talks to me.

I decided to join a few clubs to keep myself busy and fitter but not sure why she wouldn't want to at least attempt to fix the problems.

Anyway, looking for some advice on what I should do. Really doon't want my family to fall to bits.

Thank you


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## LostOneForGood

Andy,

Welcome! Sorry you are here like the rest of us, but you came to the right place!

First, Check out the 180 on here, its goingt o be your Bible, stick to it for yourself!!

Second,I would check for OM (Other Man) I had the almost Exact thing happen to me last year and sure enough, there wasnt just one but three!!!! 

Third, Be prepared for the ride of your life, it will be a emotional roller coaster, stay strong to the point.

Fourth, Keep talking on here, it will be your rock!! 

Messag me if you like, I am 7 months out of my marriage and can tell you what to expect!! Take Care


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## Andy1968

Hi,

Thanks,

No I am 100% there is no other man involved.

What is the 180 ?


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## that_girl

You're 100% sure no other man is involved? Hm. How is that?

The 180 is to basically detach. Don't get up in her shet trying to work things out. 
Take her words as truth and agree with her. "Fine, you don't love me."


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## LostOneForGood

The Healing Heart: The 180


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## Andy1968

Awesome,

Thankyou.
For the first 2 weeks of this I was doing th eopposite of the 180, but now am using most of it.

Right, off to the gym !


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## staystrong

Andy1968 said:


> Hi,
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> *No I am 100% there is no other man involved.*
> 
> What is the 180 ?



:scratchhead:


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## unbelievable

She doesn't forget her anniversary because you are demanding or sometimes say the wrong things. Anyone married gets to hear their partner make demands or say the wrong things every now and then...especially over 12 years. 

What are the odds that she's suffering from depression? How is she with the kids, the house, and her normal activities? Is it only you she seems to be losing interest in or is she half-stepping through life lately? Does she work? How's that going?

You went to counseling but she didn't. You remembered anniversary but she didn't (first time) and she blames you for not reminding her. Have you had to remind her of other routine activities lately? It almost sounds like she's acting rather lazy and uninvolved. My wife suffers from depression and she gets where she has no interest in me, no sex drive, really irritable,..but she has little or no energy or interest in anything else and she's just generally irritable during those times. Even if she says it's me (and she does), I know it isn't if she's treating everything and everyone that way.


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## Mtts

Like others posted, how are you so certian there is no other man? Not due to this statement, but overall you are in counseling. What does she do in her spare time? You mention a friend of hers is leaving her husband (likely more to that than falling out of love) and now your wife is making a statement preluding to the same.

Not to be forceful, look around you right now. Something is up that doesn't equate to being just simply upset/NIL.


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## Andy1968

Hi,

You are right. I met my wife's parents on the weeekend. They told me that they beleive she is not thinking straight and should go to a pscologist.

Recently her routine changed and she is now quite lazy. She come home from work at arount 12pm, and watches TV, is in bed at 9pm most nights and watches TV every chance she gets. There must be some underlying issue but she is convinced she wants a divorce without trying to fix issues.


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## Plan 9 from OS

Andy1968 said:


> Hi,
> 
> You are right. I met my wife's parents on the weeekend. They told me that they beleive she is not thinking straight and should go to a pscologist.
> 
> Recently her routine changed and she is now quite lazy. She come home from work at arount 12pm, and watches TV, is in bed at 9pm most nights and watches TV every chance she gets. There must be some underlying issue but she is convinced she wants a divorce without trying to fix issues.


So your wife turned into a slug, i.e has not more outside interests and wants to lay around watching TV all the time? Sounds like depression. Anything change suddenly in her life? Or hate to ask, could she have been in an affair and just got dumped by her OM? If you can't clearly see the event that explains this sudden change, then it happened somewhere else and does not involve you at all. This could be explained by a sudden loss of something.


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## Doubt&Wonder

Andy1968 said:


> On my wedding anniversary 3 weeks ago, I came home...
> An argument ensued and then she blurted out that she doesn't love me and hasn't for the last 2 years.


Hello Andy,

Just wanted to take a moment and say HI..... and to let you know that I too am the woman that stopped loving her husband after after 30 years together, and I just informed him of this two nights ago (and NO there is not an OM). There are so many things that lead to my loss of love and while I tried to warn him of the pending doom he never really listened or tried hard enough to help correct the wrongs. --so here we are today, facing a separation or worse yet a divorce.


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## This is me

Read up on the Mid Life Crisis. For many years men were labeled as the only ones who go through it. Fact is more women do. Some go through the Walk away Wife scenario. The guys are usually shocked to hear the wife wants to throw in the towel on many years of a marriage.

There was wisdom in Men are from Mars, Women from Venus. We speak different languages and the guys can not mind read.

Patience can save the day in some cases. The fog lifts once the depression subsides. Been through it and there can be a great marriage on the other side.


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