# 1st love back and marriage on the rocks



## 20yrsormore (May 7, 2010)

I have been married for 19 years. in december i was contacted by my 1st love after no contact for 23 yrs. we started talking innocently and moved to an emotional affair very fast. We have connected physically twice and are extremely emotionally attached. being in contact with him put a huge spot light on the things wrong in my marriage and my husband and i are now separated. 

i have no intention on making any commitment to my "friend" and have told him that. he is very unhappy. a death in our family has really made me understand I want to create a better marriage. we have started going to a marriage counselor. my question is how do i start over? and do i need to lose my friendship to keep my marriage? 

there is so much history with both of these men...


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

This will be fun to answer!! Yes, you have to stop all contact with the "1st love"!! Did I just say that? I never say that, but in your case definitely.........look what happened? How can you stay friends with him and remain true to your husband? You can't, imo, you've crossed a boundary.

Good luck with you marriage I'm sure you will get some detailed and better replies......


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## HopeinHouston (Mar 1, 2010)

Absolutely this "friendship" must end. All contact needs to be cut off, and you need to allow your husband to have some checks on you as to transparency and openness in this matter. That may mean him being able to monitor your email account or other measures. Without taking that sort of step your husband is never going to rebuild the trust in you and your marriage is never going to heal.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Isn't it strange how carrying on an affair "shines a huge spotlight on things wrong in your marriage". Why don't cheaters ever mention the things that are right with their marriage, so they don't end up crushing their spouses heart. And then of course the 64,000 dollar question. "Do I need to lose my friendship?" ah, yeah you do. I guess you could ask your husband what he thinks. Or maybe ask your kids for their opinion. Here is another question. Do you think that you would have problems with your "first love" if you had been married to him for 23 years? If you did, do you think you would have cheated with your present husband? Probably. The point is, you have weak boundaries which would have allowed you to cheat on anyone. Sounds like a "huge" part of what was wrong in your marriage was "YOU". If your husband was that bad, you should have divorced him.


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