# Having a hard time



## canadianal (Feb 18, 2013)

OK well here it goes people. i have been married for 13 years and have loved every moment of it. last week my wife told me that she just couldnt do it anymore. My heart felt like it sunk so low and ever since then my heart doesnt even feel like it beats proper. I am so devistated over this as we have 2 childred that are 8 and 6. I have always been a supportive husband and never would think of abusing my spouse, I believe I have done everything to provide for her and she agrees with all of this. She told me she has not felt passion with me ever since we started dating(ouch). I know the last couple years have been hard as I feel like we have become comfortabl in our marriage and either of us have really worked on it. We have always had a bit of a problem with sex. Now we had good sex we were both fulfilled but I guess it wasnt enough. I made sure I worked hard to ensure my wife could stay home with our kids and was proud to do so. I feel so hurt and confused I knew we both werent happy but felt like we would get out of the rut. Since she has told me its been hard on both of so much and I am trying to still support her and her feelings. I feel like tthe root of how she is feeling is when we were first married I fooled around on her with her best friend. Her best friend she knew was like this but still trusted her and me. I fessed up and told her what happened . we didnt actually have sex but I felt so horrible for what I did to her and I still feel bad about it. I have never cheated or would cheat on her although it has crossed my mind. I have been faithful to her since then and I know my indescretion was horrible. We talked and saw a councillor once for the problem and wegot married young and she didnt want to divorce cause she didnt want to look like a failure. I think she has put it deep in herself and never forgave me for it. I am not sure if she wants to even really try to work on our marriage she said she didnt know if I was the one and only for the last 10 years. She has never cheated on me and I feel our marriage has turned us into the best friends/parents in the world. We have great kids together and we are such a good team together for them and our friends. I am going through this but still trying to be there emotionally for her cause she needs upport to. I realize there is probably no hope for us and am gonna have a long raod of recovery ahead of me. Any advice would be appreciated as long as its constructive.


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

Ok, you know what you did with her best friend was wrong.

I for one never understood why it is so bad to feel comfortable in a marriage.

The other option is uncomfortable right?

Anyway, give her the space she wants, suggest mc, start planning outings for you and the kids and leave a space open if she wants to come along.

How often have you thought about her friend?
Maybe it is something she can pick up on?

Sounds like she needs time to process all this and it may be hard to do with you in her face all the time.

I dunno, best I can suggest.
Also, maybe you need some ic as well.

Got to figure out why you went for friend if sex was good at home.

Best of luck amigo


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## canadianal (Feb 18, 2013)

Keepin-my-head-up said:


> Ok, you know what you did with her best friend was wrong.
> 
> I for one never understood why it is so bad to feel comfortable in a marriage.
> 
> ...


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## canadianal (Feb 18, 2013)

I to dont feel its bad to feel comfortable in a marriage. It is gonna be a Long process no matter which way it ends up. It's very weird though because we still are being so good to each other. She said yesterday after telling some of our friends maybe she should just take it back and act like our talk never happened. I want my wife to be happy in life wether it is with me or not. To answer your question of if I think of her friend ever , I do I think how dumb I was to put myself in a situation with her and doing what I did. The only time I think of her is when I think of the regret for doing it. We have been talking and I'm just not sure what she needs or wants I realize I'm gonna have to give her time and space to try and figure things out. I told her I would like if counseling help I would like to start over . I'd like to start dating her, routing her notes , enjoying everything about her, holding hands when we go for a walk. I miss those things. I think we have volubility such a beautiful life together that it should be worth fighting for and in gonna fight. I just hope there is a little fight in her still.
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