# Mom, can I have an ice cream?, MOM-- Can I have an Ice CREAM??



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Mom, can I have an ice cream....this is what I hear when I hear my husband some days. 

It is like he has this singular focus and cannot see two possible prongs to a problem and act on them at the same time.

We are of course looking for a new place to live. He keeps saying "I don't want to rush into anything"- I have acknowledged this and AGREED. This may mean (probably) we will have to put stuff in storage and move twice- huge pain in the ass, but I too want to get something we are happy with and meets our goals for moving. 

But in the meantime, we are trying to see if anything on the market might fit, so we are looking at stuff-- most of which isn't a fit right now. And at least 5 times a day when discussing our impending move I get "We don't need to rush into anything"-

I GOT IT!! YOU DO NOT WANT TO RUSH INTO ANYTHING! GOT IT!!!!!!!!!

It is like I never said I agree, it is like I never acknowledged we are on the same page, it isn't even like I even remotely suggested that we buy any of these places we didn't like. NOBODY is asking him in anyway to RUSH into ANYTHING.

WHY does he have to keep saying it over and over and over like a kid begging for something??? I have just been nodding, but it makes me want to scream.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

He's probably just convincing himself. He's also most likely feeling the stress of two moves. I do this sometimes, say it over and over again. Usually because I'm freaked out about it too, but needing to be the man and show strength and guidance at those times makes us fo strange things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Psst!

Got any ice cream, btw?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Psst!
> 
> Got any ice cream, btw?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol: You are terrible. :rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hell I was about to say...

My daughter: "Dad can I have an icecream?"
Me: "Sure, ask mum, she's the boss..."
My daughter: "Mom can I have an icecream? Mom can I have an icecream? Please? Pretty please?"
Me: 

Hell how long is it going to be until our toddlers grow up! lol


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Not sure if I would do this, but the thought crossed my mind if I were in your shoes I'd scream in the middle of the night 'I'M NOT RUSHING!!!!!!!!!!!!' and then act all confused and claim I was having a really bad nightmare.

Sigh.

Maybe an index card sign that says 'not rushing' taped to your forehead would be a bit nicer.

mmmm ice cream.
That's what I'm having for dinner.
Nice not to be a kid and have to ask.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> He's probably just convincing himself. He's also most likely feeling the stress of two moves. I do this sometimes, say it over and over again. Usually because I'm freaked out about it too, but needing to be the man and show strength and guidance at those times makes us fo strange things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe I will cling to this.... so it doesn't drive me stark raving crazy ass nuts.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Hell I was about to say...
> 
> My daughter: "Dad can I have an icecream?"
> Me: "Sure, ask mum, she's the boss..."
> ...


Don't worry, next thing you know they are seniors in high school


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> I have just been nodding, but it makes me want to scream.


Well, why not? Just scream. Pick a well populated place and let her rip. Seems like toddlers have it all figured out, but we don't.

Seriously, though, it really seems that if a couple can survive a move without a divorce, then they are really serious about their marriage. My worst experience was when the men from my work group showed up unexpectedly to help my wife and I move years ago. The help was great, but you should've seen her face when she realized that they were checking out the lingerie drawer.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

You should buy him an ice cream and tell him you're not going to rush into anything but he better lick the ice cream real quick because it's dripping!


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Halien said:


> Well, why not? Just scream. Pick a well populated place and let her rip. Seems like toddlers have it all figured out, but we don't.
> 
> Seriously, though, it really seems that if a couple can survive a move without a divorce, then they are really serious about their marriage. My worst experience was when the men from my work group showed up unexpectedly to help my wife and I move years ago. The help was great, but you should've seen her face when she realized that they were checking out the lingerie drawer.



This will be our 4th move in our marriage... some were interstate


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> This will be our 4th move in our marriage... some were interstate


My last three moves were interstate, but we've moved about ten times. When we first married, we had a string of landlords that sold houses out from under us. Its nice that they fulfilled the financial terms of the lease, but moving still sucks. Alot of people don't understand the marital stresses involved.

In our case, its my wife who seems to get locked into a state of indecision, despite the fact that the last four moves were more or less hands off for us. All we had to do was to pick out the house. My company paid for the move, and hired the people to unpack and place everything. Even gave us enough of an allowance to replace much of the furniture. 

The thing that I've tried to always show her is that worrying and stressing doesn't accomplish anything, but its her nature. ,


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

maybe your giving a I'm stressed out kinda vib and hes reading it as lets hurry up and find a place.

My wife like to think out loud and it sometimes comes off as nagging or stressing about it.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Maybe what he means is he is not ready to even think about it yet. Perhaps you should take the tact of finding out what he is willing to think about or do and keep it within his comfort zone.

I know that house hunting was really stressful in my marriage and we had mismatched senses of urgency about what should be done that we needed to compromise over. It might also help if you take it and break it into little chunks each of which may not be so bad to deal with. And just take the time to do the small chunk and then move on to the next one after a short break. Before you know it momentum will build and the job will get done.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

meson said:


> Maybe what he means is he is not ready to even think about it yet. Perhaps you should take the tact of finding out what he is willing to think about or do and keep it within his comfort zone.
> 
> I know that house hunting was really stressful in my marriage and we had mismatched senses of urgency about what should be done that we needed to compromise over. It might also help if you take it and break it into little chunks each of which may not be so bad to deal with. And just take the time to do the small chunk and then move on to the next one after a short break. Before you know it momentum will build and the job will get done.


I had to inform him last night that renting isn't as cheap as he thinks it is. I have been looking for rents, and finding ones that accomodate 5 people is very hard-- and very pricey. It isn't that I want to rush him, but again, it isn't ME losing sleep over bills, it is him. Personally, I am fine with where we are financially, he is the one stressing. I guess he thought we were going to find an inexpensive rent and hang until we could buy something, but that isn't really turning out to be incredibly viable. Oh we can find something, but it will be as costly as the current house.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Our situation was not too disimilar in that we had expected to stay in a house for six year to build equity for a bigger house for five. Six turned to nine and the small house was causing its own problems in our relationship. The price of the houses we wanted were increasing but the value of the house we were in was not. So what broke the deadlock was chunking the investigation of alternatives to what we wanted which is what we could afford. My wife started working on me in small ways that would get me to think about it more and more. Eventually we had to readjust our goals and it took me a long time to buy into it. My wife figured out what was bothering me and worked at addressing it. It was kind of like a mid-life crises of life expectations that needed to be worked through and it was tough. It took a lot of discusions with each other to sort out what the real issues were for each of us and then we had to find a way to compromise to make it work. But we did and so can you. 

Another approach may be to find a third party advisor that he would see as neutral. This may help guide his thoughts and you both may learn of other alternatives.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

meson said:


> Our situation was not too disimilar in that we had expected to stay in a house for six year to build equity for a bigger house for five. Six turned to nine and the small house was causing its own problems in our relationship. The price of the houses we wanted were increasing but the value of the house we were in was not. So what broke the deadlock was chunking the investigation of alternatives to what we wanted which is what we could afford. My wife started working on me in small ways that would get me to think about it more and more. Eventually we had to readjust our goals and it took me a long time to buy into it. My wife figured out what was bothering me and worked at addressing it. It was kind of like a mid-life crises of life expectations that needed to be worked through and it was tough. It took a lot of discusions with each other to sort out what the real issues were for each of us and then we had to find a way to compromise to make it work. But we did and so can you.
> 
> Another approach may be to find a third party advisor that he would see as neutral. This may help guide his thoughts and you both may learn of other alternatives.


Well unfortunately time is something we do not have... our house is under contract and we close August 12-- we currently have no place to go (with 3 kids who need to get into school).


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hey, Lisa ~

The more I read about your husband, the more I think he sounds like he's got the terrible "I's" - Insecurity, Immaturity, and me, myself, and I. My response when someone keeps chanting for ice cream - "go get it yourself". 

Let him own his own issues - don't take them on yourself.


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