# Husband watching Trans Porn ...



## im_miss_world00 (Sep 26, 2016)

Hi, 

I have been with my husband 16 years and married for 12. We have always had a pretty good sex life until about a year or two ago. I noticed my husband did not initiate sex as much as he used to and if I initiated sex he would turn me down and say he was tired. He has also become a very lazy lover. Barely giving me oral and when he does he half asses it, when in the past he would love it and get so into it. Im always on top doing all the work lately. 

He has always watched porn, and it has never been a problem with him performing in the bedroom. But about a year ago I found Trans (She-Male) porn on his computer. Ive always had access to his computer and had never seen that kind of porn on there before. This coincides with the the timeline of him not being interested in sex as much (in my opinion). Also, when we do have sex very recently he has started losing his erection in the middle of it. 

Id also like to add that around the time I found out he likes this type of porn I caught him wearing womens underwear. Now, I have always been aware of the fact that he has a panty fetish. He has always liked me to wear certain types of panties and sometimes would like to smell my worn panties. He also buys used panties online. (Which I just found out about and am not too happy about.) 

He tells me that hes not intersted in sex because hes tired, hes getting older, ect. But, he still masturbates. I catch him looking at porn sometimes when we are sitting on the couch watching t.v . So, I know he has a sex drive. 

Im confused. I dont know what to think.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Um.....................Sorry, have nothing, I'm out.


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## Legend (Jun 25, 2013)

Pornography has no place in a marriage... ever. 

The only way to get rid of pornography is to eliminate masturbation.

The only way to eliminate masturbation is to agree to radical honesty whereby neither of you are allowed to masturbate without the other's permission first. If he asks for permission, you decline permission and make love to him instead.

Pornography will literally rob men of their drive and desire since it is all fantasy.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Legend said:


> The only way to eliminate masturbation is to agree to radical honesty whereby neither of you are allowed to masturbate without the other's permission first.


I laughed out loud when I read this.

It's hilarious. 

:rofl:


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Legend said:


> Pornography has no place in a marriage... ever.
> 
> The only way to get rid of pornography is to eliminate masturbation.
> 
> ...


I've read some Christian ideas about this, and they subscribe to what you're suggesting. I would say that anything done in moderation can be okay. But, when it takes over a person's life, or the person becomes addicted, then it's not okay. I don't want to tell my future husband someday to not masturbate, it seems controlling.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Legend said:


> Pornography has no place in a marriage... ever.
> 
> The only way to get rid of pornography is to eliminate masturbation.
> 
> ...


My wife and I watch porn all the time. Doesn't seem to mess with my sex drive at all. 

Pretty much all of this post seems ridiculous to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

im_miss_world00 said:


> Hi,
> 
> I have been with my husband 16 years and married for 12. We have always had a pretty good sex life until about a year or two ago. I noticed my husband did not initiate sex as much as he used to and if I initiated sex he would turn me down and say he was tired. He has also become a very lazy lover. Barely giving me oral and when he does he half asses it, when in the past he would love it and get so into it. Im always on top doing all the work lately.
> 
> ...


Buying used panties...revolting!

Your H may have uncovered a fetish with the shemale porn. 

Your root problem is that he doesn't return to you the passion your marriage used to have. You know his excuses of being tired, getting older etc are 100% garbage so call him on it. 

"If you're getting older I must be getting younger so this kind of leave me in a bind because I'm not interested in a sexless passionless marriage for the next 30 years. How can we solve this problem?"

Only he can say if his masturbation is problematic. I believe men who gravitate to porn when they have a willing wife are men who are primarily lazy and secondarily are disconnected emotionally. If your H wasn't always this way, you need to call this out for the serious problem that it is. 

He chooses anonymous self gratification instead of the wife who loves and wants him. That's a serious problem.




Legend said:


> Pornography has no place in a marriage... ever.
> 
> The only way to get rid of pornography is to eliminate masturbation.
> 
> ...



Speak for yourself church lady!

Porn is great when t doesn't replace emotional connection. Porn can be fun. 

Masturbation is a right and no one has any right what so ever to control their partners masturbation! 

I agree radical honesty is best. "Honey I played with myself today and had a glorious couple of orgasms. Took a few pics for your viewing pleasure...see enclosed." Or "I am going to want all of your sexual energy this weekend so be prepared to work for your supper babe!"

This let your partner know what you want while allowing them to decide to meet your needs or not. If they choose not...you've chosen the wrong partner.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Have you talked to him about it? How open are you sexually? Would you consider something like role playing and pegging if that is what he is into now?


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

If the secrecy was gone could you handle the fetish-du-jour (it may be a fleeting thing)?

The more extreme the porn, the more blah normal sex may eventually seem, or it may be a fantasy that will never be acted on... either way, without open conversation, this will break your relationship because the trust will be trashed. If his interests are in the way of a healthy relationship, it needs to end if it cannot be brought into some kind of moderation or acceptance (this applies to anything, not just sexual fetish).

Counseling may be a critical first step so he can figure out why he is willing to put you as a second (sexual or otherwise)... hopefully he will be willing to go for you both.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Legend said:


> Pornography has no place in a marriage... ever.
> 
> The only way to get rid of pornography is to eliminate masturbation.
> 
> ...


Porn my have no place in your marriage and that is just dandy. But you don't get to make the rules for other marriages.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Sounds like porn addiction, OP. From experience that's the way it works. Like a drug you need more extreme stuff to get the feeling you got the first time. It is hard to kick, like any addictive behaviour, and he has to actually want to kick it. From your post doesn't sound like he does at this point. You best option now is to communicate with him. I'm sorry I don't have anything more solid than that.

Whatever you do, do it quickly. If he is already ordering other women's panties he will likely go farther. Infidelity is on the horizon. He will need something more extreme. Turning fantasy to reality is the next logical step to achieve that.

All his excuses are just that - excuses. It isn't weariness or age. Normal sex with wifey isn't enough for this addict. He needs help, maybe professional help. The wearing panties part is abnormal. It doesn't fit in with what I've heard from porn addicts so dunno what's going on there.


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

It seems pretty straight forward. He has come to terms with the fact that he's a tranny at heart and would love to explore it. You can discuss it openly with him or he'll end up cheating on you with dudes. If he's gay/trans there's not much you can do about it. Maybe stay married as loving companions but open the marriage so you can both have sex with whom you prefer to have sex with.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Buying used panties...revolting!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Fozzy said:


>




Something you want to share with the class @Fozzy? >

Are you a closet panty sniffer? We don't judge here...we just laugh our asses off.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I have always enjoyed Transformers porn ... that Optimus Prime is a beast ...


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

im_miss_world00 said:


> Hi,
> 
> We have always had a pretty good sex life...


Defined by who? You? It could be possible that your definition of "good sex life" is radically different than his. And after trying to reach some sort of compromise regarding quantity/quality of your sex lives he just went off the deep end enjoying porn and the multitude of variations it has to offer (or so I'm told).

it's weird I admit. But maybe you need to step up your game and he needs to ratchet back his somewhat.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> I have always enjoyed Transformers porn ... that Optimus Prime is a beast ...


*Ellis, my friend: Just please give us some assurances that you won't post their pics up as any of your new avatars!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *Ellis, my friend: Just please give us some assurances that you won't post their pics up as any of your new avatars!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@EllisRedding

So hot!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


>


*Too late!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Definitely more than meets the eye.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

A few issues. Porn, Trany-porn, feeling husband is a lazy lover.

I think that porn in excess can be a problem. I think that porn can be overstimulating and dehumanizing. But I also think that there is porn and then there is porn. about 1/4 of today's advertising would have been considered porn 100 years ago. So "porn" may have shifting boundaries.

Trany-Porn is "unusual." But then some who are into porn are into the "unusual." Not my thing, but then again neither are ropes and whips. Other people are into latex and leather. Again, not my thing, but doesn't make it "criminal or wrong." If the wife is concerned about what it means, have her ask her husband in a way that is non-judgmental and doesn't shame him. The goal is for him to be able to share his deepest sexual thought fantasy without shame or guilt. If she can do that, then he will never hide parts of his sexuality from her.

Husband as a lazy lover. Wow. To even say the words, makes me cringe. If she can think this, then she has probably communicated the horrible message to him in at least a non-verbal way. Talk about a way to turn a guy off to making love. If he was a poor lover, my advice is to teach him what you need/want or have both of you go to a sex therapist who will provide the two of you with educational materials. (If the sex therapist is anything like the one that saved my marriage, it will involve "instructional sex videos" that my wife insisted were "porn." So I guess we have come full circle.

Good luck OP


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

I say, put him in chastity, make him wear a maid uniform, and HE becomes your new maid, and does all the housework from now on.

He'll love it! And you get to sit back, relax, and watch. 

Oh yes, he also should be made to massage your feet, give you oral sex on command, and do all the cooking.

YOU be in control of his orgasms, and he stays locked up until YOU decide he gets release.

Hey, he'll be in his glory, and you'll be worshipped. 

Win- Win


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Legend said:


> Pornography has no place in a marriage... ever.
> 
> The only way to get rid of pornography is to *eliminate masturbation*.
> 
> ...





Anon Pink said:


> Speak for yourself church lady!


 @Anon Pink that one completely went over your head. In trans porn where men are sissified and made to wear female cloths, this fetish is encouraged by eliminating all forms of traditional masturbation. The male should never touch his penis again, and instead reroute all his stimulation towards prostate play. @Legend here was the ONLY ONE giving advice that would rekindle some serious freaking kinky sparks this relationship but just left out a few details, that is all.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

badsanta said:


> @Anon Pink that one completely went over your head. In trans porn where men are sissified and made to wear female cloths, this fetish is encouraged by eliminating all forms of traditional masturbation. The male should never touch his penis again, and instead reroute all his stimulation towards prostate play. @Legend here was the ONLY ONE giving advice that would rekindle some serious freaking kinky sparks this relationship but just left out a few details, that is all.


Perhaps the advice given by @Legend for neither party to masturbate without the express written consent of the other party would apply in certain "male submissive fetish" scenarios but not in a typical healthy marriage between two normal individuals.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

it sounds like he is at least a cross dresser, and may be becoming transgender/bisexual. If he were still 100% hetero, the sex with you would not have died down.

so, if this is not your cup of tea....it does not bode will for your marriage or sex life.

If you are kinky...buy him some sexy things and help to dress him up and "feminize" him. It is a big fetish thing with these sort of men. Especially "forced" feminization. some like the humiliation aspect too, so dress him up, and invite your girlfriend(s) over to make fun of him dressed up. 

by supporting his crossdressing, you may find his hetero sex interest returns again too.


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## CuriousBlue (Oct 7, 2016)

Enter into it with him. See what his reaction is. Go with it and see if it changes or reinforces his behaviour.


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## NothingsOriginal (Sep 23, 2016)

CuriousBlue said:


> Enter into it with him. See what his reaction is. Go with it and see if it changes or reinforces his behaviour.


I think a step before that, talk about it! Nothing causes a gap between two people to get bigger than not communicating. But, you have to plan what you want to say. You have to keep a positive slant on it at all times or he will get defensive, hurt, and shut down forever.

After that, continue the conversation with this: Offer to watch the porn together. While it's going, ask him what it is he likes about it, would he like you to do this or that to him, etc. With the right toy you can be everything he likes in the movie if you want. Go from there.

Watching the porn is not the problem, it is a symptom of something else.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

im_miss_world00 said:


> Now, I have always been aware of the fact that he has a panty fetish. He has always liked me to wear certain types of panties and sometimes would like to smell my worn panties. He also buys used panties online.


Nothing wrong with him wanting to smell his woman but getting them online? WTF? The rest ain't right, either.


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