# Am I in an EA?



## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

Hi, this is my first post here. I found this site while aimlessly trying to ascertain a situation I have discovered I am in. 

Five months ago, we hired a new girl at work. She filled a position that works directly with me. The job requires a lot of on-the-job training and me and another guy had to show her the ropes. So we got to know each-other pretty fast. Looking back, I can piece together what I know now and questioned long-ago. 

One of the first peculiar things that occurred when she was first hired is that she wanted me into her personal space. I had to grab something from her desk one day which required me to cross into her space to which I said "excuse me". I grabbed the item and she said "You don't have to be so formal, I don't mind if you get close" I laughed it off thinking she is just trying to be nice. I didn't think twice about it. 

A few days or a week later (maybe more), she came to my desk said "awww" grabbed my face and kissed me on the cheek. I vaguely remember why she did but I think I did something nice for her; I can't remember but I know it was platonic whatever it was. The thing was another co-worker saw that and word got around to some of the guys I work with. To which I explained it was 'nothing' and 'she is European' (she is from Slovakia) so they have fewer boundaries than Americans. I did think twice about that and questioned its intent. 

Also, I would like to add that the first couple months of her employment, she would find any reason to display her breasts and/or butt. Whether it be stretching when I approach her or if I am in a conversation with her or bending over to grab something. She was trying to accentuate her womanly assets. I am not the kind of guy to look and would look her directly in the eyes if she did so. So, she does not do that as much anymore as of late. Now, it seems, she is finding any reason to make contact with me. Hugging, brushing the arm, tapping my arm etc. 

That is the Physical aspect of our relationship to date.

Now the emotional. 

Early on in the 'getting to know each other phase' she was telling me about her husband. She mentioned how they met; that he came over and took the initiative to talk to her which she told me she liked and thought it was an attractive quality in men, 'to take the initiative'. She was very specific how she said that to me. Later in the conversation, this was at lunch btw, she mentioned that her girlfriends were warning her about marrying an American (for whatever reason) and she had doubts about it too. I will never forget the look in her face when she told me that. So...depressed; she couldn't look at me in the eye when she said that. I didn't know what to say, it was out of the blue, caught me off guard but I took note of that conversation and pondered it for a long time. Why would she tell me that? Why would she show me dissent in her relationship of six years? That was the first time I raised the red flag. She also told me about a time when the two of them were talking about kids, and he had made a rude comment on how they would 'never have kids' or something along those lines. It sounded like she was in a secure and trustworthy place and open to him about the idea of a future to which he shot down seemingly without hesitation. 

A month after her being on her own, we discovered that we were having problems with her work. She is very passionate about her work and took it to heart when the boss stepped in. The boss told her it was her fault and put a lot of blame on her (she is a gay woman) without hard evidence. The next day I could tell she was having a bad day and she came and sat next to me. I started chit-chatting about random topics to draw attention elsewhere because I could see flood gates were about to open and she suddenly started crying uncontrollably. She really does a have a stressful job that requires A LOT of attention to detail work so I empathetic to her situation. I consoled her, strictly in a professional manner, and got her smiling again. I took it personal that the boss would do that to her and tried shifting the blame to another co-worker (the gay bosses lover (they have not come out about their love for each other)) who works in our department. I should mention that the gay couple invited me into a threesome with them to which I politely said "No" (they are older and not my type). The new girl knew about this offer because she questioned their relationship the first week she was hired. I told her about two months into her employment. I know that was wrong of me to say anything; I said it in a joking manor. So maybe I took the role as protector when I stood up for her. I dunno.

About two weeks ago, on break she came to my desk to talk. I asked her how she was doing because she had been quiet all morning. She remarked that her grandmother had passed away that night. She immediately started crying uncontrollably. I felt so bad for her I hugged her and guided her to sit down at my desk in my chair. She cried some more and i consoled her once again asking about her grandmother, what was she like, what would she remember about her etc. etc. Trying to get her mind in a better place than its current state. I also asked her if she told her in-laws (they were staying with her for a week) thinking maybe they could also give her some better comfort than me. She said no because she didn't want to ruin their dinner that night before they went out. I then asked her if she told her husband and her reaction was quite bizarre. She looked up, thought for a second, and then smiled. Remember she was still feeling really bad at this moment. After she smiled, she said "Of course I told him". We talked for another 10-15 seconds and she got up and left. I think she knew I was on to her.

Another time she came to my desk during break. She was very persistent when she told me she wanted me to look at a website. The website was of an old place of employment that specialized in weddings and receptions. I thought it was interesting because it was in England of all places; very beautiful building. She pointed me along to some of the pictures and eventually showed me some pics of her old friends. Two of which were married. She closely pointed out that the two couples in the pictures were of two older men and younger wives. I found this strange and asked her why that was. She replied that it was common for girls in Europe to marry older men. I said 'why because they are more financially secure' she thought about it for a second and said no but because 'they are more mature'. Then she asked if I would ever date someone younger than me. By this time, I knew where she was going. She (25) asking me (30) if I would marry someone younger than me. I told her 'no' because 'woman in their twenties are usually very immature'. Which is partially true for some woman but I wanted to be clear to her I was not interested. I could tell I hurt her a little and she looked down and lost her smile and later remarked that her husband is 'very mature for his age'. The conversation slowed down immensely and she excused herself.

Another time I was joking with some of the guys. I came into her vicinity laughing to which she said "What's so funny". I told her nothing but she pressed it. I told her that it was a 'guy joke' and she wouldn't like it. She smiled, said ok and left. The next morning on break, she came to me and said she found something funny on the internet that night. She gave me her phone and showed me a picture of a Betty White quote “Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.” She looked at me very intriguingly, almost trying to gauge my reaction. I laughed awkwardly and she left. 

Fast forward to this past Friday. I came into work and there was a bag on my desk. It was a girly bag and I knew it was from her. In the bag was a hat (I like hats) and a Thank You note. The note read "Thank you for fixing my problems" with a smiley face and no signature. I thought it was a nice gesture so I hung it on my wall with other cards. She came to my desk later and asked if I opened the package. I said yes and she asked if I liked it. She was very inquisitive when she asked me. I said I did actually but I was trying not to be so convincing. She asked again, "do you really like it" I said yes I do, smiled and said thank you. 

So, here I am. What is going on? Is this an EA affair? 

I'm not a bad guy. I have high morals and standards for me and I expect the same out of others. Especially married individuals. 

About me: I'm 30 and single
About her: 25 and married to a younger (2 years) husband no kids


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You're not in an EA, however she is throwing herself at you somewhat. She maybe looking to upgrade guys and you're better than her husband? or she might just be looking to cheat with you.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Eek sounds like she is really pressing for something to happen. I would suggest you start being indifferent and cold to her. Maybe even be a bit of an ahole... something to snap her out of the fog she is in and send her back to being interested in her husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nigel (Mar 14, 2012)

In my experience eastern European women are ruthless. I would agree with the other poster that she probably considers you a better prospect than her husband. One thing about eastern Europeans though is that they are about as subtle as a sledge hammer. She is basically laying it on a plate for you. It would be interesting to find out if you are financially better off than her husband as this would explain a lot.

I'd stay well away from her she sounds like trouble to me. No doubt she will be on to the next bloke without a second thought if you give her the knock back.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Sounds like she is trying to draw you into some kind of affair, EA or PA. You are definitely not in the fog.

I would disassociate from her quickly. You never know when she might start accusing you of sexual harassment since are not being very cooperative with her. 

the more that people see you spending time around her, the more believable anything she might say about you


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## RDL (Feb 10, 2012)

She is trying to seduce you and so far you seem to have resisted but not put a stop to it. 

You like the attention but do not want to overstep your moral boundaries.


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

She seems the type that could get you into big trouble at work. The kiss on the cheek could get someone fired easily at most work places. I would stay as far away as possible.


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## mc1234 (Jun 9, 2012)

She is coming onto you big time. Keep to your own moral boundaries as you cannot trust her to keep to her marital and moral boundaries.

Do not get sucked into her giving you a 'boost' this is how lots of EA and PA starts.


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## endoftheroad (Jul 29, 2012)

It all appears pretty obvious. What you do from here is up to you. But she is definately trying to pull you away from where you are, into her arms. Think you need to step back and disconnect from the personal level you're at with her. Sexual harrasment being one good reason. The other because you know its wrong, and her husband wouldn't appreciate it. Even though it seems to be all her, he won't see it that way. Trust me.
You need to put that **** in check NOW. Before things happen that can't be as easily talked out.
Just my opinion.
Good luck to you sir.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

You are being a great guy and making none of the advances here. She on the other hand is a homewrecker of the worst kind. I suggest you first politely ask her to stop sending you personal gifts and sharing inappropriate jokes or information not related to work.

If she presses on, fire her. I'm not kidding, she's sexually harassing you.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

no not an EA, but you're slowing getting damn close to one

while it's true she is doing all of the pursuing, you are in some ways tacitly allowing her to get into your head and are not being as professional as you should be. It is very good that you are recognizing where you are headed and can put a stop to it.

1) stop the convos about her husband 
2) don't accept gifts
3) be blunt about the physical contact and how you find it inappropriate
4) don't engage in sexual innuendo or jokes (which you have done to your credit)
5) focus more on your wife, you hardly mention her at all in your post, I assume you love her deeply, etc but in case you haven't, pay more attention to her. Always speak positively about your wife to this woman and how much you adore her, etc.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

You're 30 and single.So she is likely trying to seduce you into giving her some on the job side action.

OR she could be trying to draw you in to get you in trouble/fired to take your position 

Either way this chick is dangerous and you need to treat her like you'd treat any other dangerous predator.


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## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

g all of the pursuing, you are in some ways tacitly allowing her to get into your head and are not being as professional as you should be. It is very good that you are recognizing where you are headed and can put a stop to it.

1) stop the convos about her husband 
2) don't accept gifts
3) be blunt about the physical contact and how you find it inappropriate
4) don't engage in sexual innuendo or jokes (which you have done to your credit)
5) focus more on your wife, you hardly mention her at all in your post, I assume you love her deeply, etc but in case you haven't, pay more attention to her. Always speak positively about your wife to this woman and how much you adore her, etc.[/QUOTE]

I am currently single. Never been married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

No. Your not in an ea yet, but.....

I'd me more concerned about the boss that propositions sex partners at work!


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## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

I tried the cold shoulder approach. I didn't think it was fair to her since we have to have a working relationship. She caught on quick to it too and was very inquisitive as to why I was acting that way, so I stopped. That was about 45 days ago. It is a stiicky situation for sure. 

I would agree with some of the comments so far in regards to acting more professional. Keep it on a work only basis plane.

How can I sway her back to focusing on her priorities I.e. her husband? I would hate to cut her off completely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Then stop ***** footing around with it and tell her the relationship needs to be professional and that's it. Stop with the worrying about her feelings. Be sharp and direct and that's it. Are you more worried about your relationship or hers? Answer that question and what you should do is pretty simple.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I'm always amazed at how men become so concerned and forgiving about aggressive women's behavior.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

If a man was doing these things to a female,it would have been nipped ages ago and he would likely be fired. 

just sayin...


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## Hockey27 (Aug 13, 2012)

As long as she is married, her behavior is entirely inappropriate. Your relationship needs to be professional only, and when she crosses the boundaries, you need to firmly tell her you are not comfortable discussing her personal life. She needs to discuss it with her husband. My wife and I have a rule that our issues stay between us, and we do not share them with friends, even of the same sex.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

How about being honest with her? Tell her some of your interactions have crossed over into an area you're not comfortable going with a married woman. That you would like to keep your relationship professional and that's it.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

I have a feeling the OP is enjoying the attention from this other women.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Where the hell do you work? Lesbian bosses asking you to do a threesome? Wowza. 

No, your not in an EA yet, but you are enjoying the attention. If you werent you would have put a complete stop to this chicks games. You know how to do it. Avoid her at all costs unless it is work related. If you are doing something work relayed with jer and she tries to stray stop her immediately. You know what to do, tje real question here is do you want to stop it? If you dont, you will pay the price.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Twofaces said:


> Where the hell do you work? Lesbian bosses asking you to do a threesome? Wowza.
> 
> No, your not in an EA yet, but you are enjoying the attention. If you werent you would have put a complete stop to this chicks games. You know how to do it. Avoid her at all costs unless it is work related. If you are doing something work relayed with jer and she tries to stray stop her immediately. You know what to do, tje real question here is do you want to stop it? If you dont, you will pay the price.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't enjoying the attention. I'm no liar. This is the first time that I have been put in a scenario like this. I questioned myself yesterday exclaiming 'this is the kind of world I live in?' Especially after reading some of the other posts on here. Like ends situation; I read all 36 pages of that for research on this particular subject. Learn from others mistakes so I am sure not to repeat them. After reading that post I realized what my only choice was. I guess when I made this post I was mainly looking for the suppsort of someone from the tail end of this situation. Seeing I from the victims point of view. I mean no offense when I type that. I mean that in a respectful way. 

This really is hard. I have always been the guy to think with my head first and my extremities last. It really does appear to me now how far the claws are gripped into me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

honeybunnn said:


> I would be lying if I said that I wasn't enjoying the attention. I'm no liar. This is the first time that I have been put in a scenario like this. I questioned myself yesterday exclaiming 'this is the kind of world I live in?' Especially after reading some of the other posts on here. Like ends situation; I read all 36 pages of that for research on this particular subject. Learn from others mistakes so I am sure not to repeat them. After reading that post I realized what my only choice was. I guess when I made this post I was mainly looking for the suppsort of someone from the tail end of this situation. Seeing I from the victims point of view. I mean no offense when I type that. I mean that in a respectful way.
> 
> This really is hard. I have always been the guy to think with my head first and my extremities last. It really does appear to me now how far the claws are gripped into me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is why you need to put an end to it before it goes entirely too far. There's one person you should be more worried about hurting and it's not the girl in your office. Get back into reality and cut out the nonsense.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

honeybunnn said:


> This really is hard. I have always been the guy to think with my head first and my extremities last. It really does appear to me now how far the claws are gripped into me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would start placing the blame where it belongs. With her. Women like this know exactly what to say to a man to get his attention, keep it and use them for their own means. You are nothing to her but a conquest and she has no bones about breaking up your marriage just to have a bit of fun. In fact, she's so manipulative that say you did do something and get caught...she'd be the one whose marriage would survive it and you'd be left alone.

Everyone enjoys attention from time to time, there's nothing wrong with that. But if you want attention like that you can pay a stripper $20 to have a conversation just like it-- AND you get a lap dance too! Think about it long and hard. 

If you ask me, the mere fact that you have re-warmed up to her because you feel bad and that you have not fired her yet tells me that you're primed up for a physical affair. If you can fire her, do it. There are so many people looking for work now you can really help someone out who is grateful instead of inappropriate.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Not to mention. Do you want to potentially harm your career over something so stupid? As you even said yourself word spreads around the office pretty quickly. There's more than likely people now who will insist there's something going on between the two if you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I will be honest... I didn't read your entire t hread but wanted to point out:

_ I grabbed the item and she said "You don't have to be so formal, I don't mind if you get close" I laughed it off thinking she is just trying to be nice. I didn't think twice about it. 

A few days or a week later (maybe more), she came to my desk said "awww" grabbed my face and kissed me on the cheek._

If a man did this at work to a woman, many people wouold say this was harassment AND 100% would say this is wholly inappropriate.

Work is not a place to be kissing people on the cheek, to be speaking to someone that way.

The bottom line is this chick has boundary issues. Be careful. Be cautious. Cause she may try to flip it and say you are the one acting inappropriate with her. Stop associating with her. This chick is bad news.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> If a man was doing these things to a female,it would have been nipped ages ago and he would likely be fired.
> 
> just sayin...


:iagree:


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

honeybunnn said:


> I am currently single. Never been married.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


and my reading comprehension skills fail me again

ugh, how embarrassing


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I will be honest... I didn't read your entire t hread but wanted to point out:
> 
> _ I grabbed the item and she said "You don't have to be so formal, I don't mind if you get close" I laughed it off thinking she is just trying to be nice. I didn't think twice about it.
> 
> ...


this is something I would only let my fiance do.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The bad thing here is he is he boss. She could be doing this on purpose to reel him in and then fvck up his career, get a nice paycheck/lawsuit settlement out of it. 

This chick is BAD news.

I will never understand why some people willingly enmesh their professional lives with their personal ones. Especially at this dangerous level. Does not compute for me. 

But then again, I am sooo hardcore about keeping work work and private life private. I think a professional life needs hardcore boundaries.


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## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

The switch has been flipped. I am being extremely professional and polite to her; not stepping over any invisible boundaries. I can tell she is taking notice because she is being A LOT more friendly to me. Striking up new topics/convoys whenever she can. She even came around a few times while writing/reading here. She said I should write a book on being calm and thoughtful...seriously? 

At lunch she started talking about her personal life again; asking about mine in return. I asked questions in return about her husband trying to focus on them...I could tell that threw her for a loop and she hesitated on her responses.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

She just left to go home. My desk is on the way out and when she passed by today she put her hand on my shoulder said 'bye' with a big smile. Her hands were doused in some kind of perfume which is still embedded in my shirt. I said bye back without making any eye contact. She stopped in her tracks, turned around, said bye in a demanding way like 'hello it's me' to which I looked up from typing and said goodbye to her again. 

You think she is getting the message?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Let's hope so. I think your doing great honey.. keep it up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> and my reading comprehension skills fail me again
> 
> ugh, how embarrassing


Same here. I bet we just assumed he was married because he was on the talk about MARRIAGE forums.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I hope she's getting the message.

I hope you've also gotten the message. That this is a CODE RED situation that needs to end now.

She is a snake.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I still think there's no need to be subtle on your part. Tell her outright you have no desire to get involved in an inappropriate relationship. It may even be a wakeup call for her to realize it is an inappropriate relationship so you may be doing her a favour.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Aww jelly.... don't insult snakes like that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fightingtilltheend (Jun 15, 2012)

You are on Dangerous Ground.....Stay away! Stay Away! She is a married woman...though it seems she is the one throwing herself at you. But stay away...you do not want to be the OTHER MAN! Shes married leave her alone......plenty of fish in the sea. I had the same happen to me, but Im married....what I did was I started treating her strictly in a professional manner and talked to her strictly in a profesionnal manner and no unneeded alone time like going out to lunch....be true with yourself though...You like it....but you are unsure if you want to step that moral boundaries...Im telling you know a woman like that is not worth your career.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Its a good start and I commend you. 

Now, NO MORE LUNCHES. Its innappropriate. 

Put yourself in her husbands shoes. If you found out your wife was having well, INTIMATE lunches with her boss..... You get the picture. 

And yes, they are intimate because she is confiding in you regarding her marriage. 

Again, good start.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

I must clarify a couple of things. 

First, I am not her boss. When I said 'We' hired her I meant the company did. We are co-workers. At most, I am just her senior. 

Secondly, the lunches are taken on site, in a lunch room with other co-workers.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

IMO, lunches with a coworker, same sex, opposite sex, are generally not a big deal. But since this co-worker has been flirting with you for a while now, I would try to avoid being alone with her whenever you can or maybe, it will get to the point, at all costs.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Ugh she makes me feel nauseous with the whole heavily perfumed hand on your shirt and the demanding "bye".I can picture the whole scene in my head and it is sickening.
This female and females like her are the reason women have the struggles they have in the workplace.This is why we all struggle to get respect and struggle to be treated equally.We do all this and they go behind and undo it all by being flirty,skanky little slvts.

Infuriating.


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## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

Well I took the mentioned advice and confronted her about the issue. Before leaving for the day, I asked if I could talk to her for two minutes. She agreed. I took her to my desk and told her that I felt 'uncomfortable' receiving gifts and talking about personal issues with her. I asked if we could keep things 'professional' from this point on. I could tell she was upset, her bottom lip was trembling. She said that she bought me and another co-worker a gift. I said, again, that I feel uncomfortable accepting gifts from you and would like for it to stop. She said 'Whatever' got up and left. 

I also took some of the other responses to heart and asked the 'Big Boss' if I could speak with him. He listened and I explained the situation. He said I did the right thing by confronting her and letting him know just in case anything happens in the future. 

When I got back to my desk, she sent me a text. 
"Just to be clear. I view you as a good friend and I'm nice to you because you helped me out a lot and I appreciate it. I'm happily married and I love my husband, I never meant to give anybody (the) wrong impression. It (will) never happen(s) again. I apologize."

Me
"Thank you. And if it is all in my head I apologize for the position that I/we put ourselves in. I hope this does not affect our relationship moving forward because I think you are a good person."

Her
"Growing up with a lot of guys around as my dad was a soccer coach and uncle in (the) army and I had brother and his friends at my house all the time. Sometimes I just forget that not everybody will view me as they did. Hope they hire normal young girl I can talk to."

Me
"You told me before that you did not want to repeat the same mistakes your father made (her father cheated on her mother and left her); I sympathize with you beause my father did the same to my mother and I never forgave him for that and I told myself I would NEVER do that to anyone. Nor will I let anyone else around me repeat that selfish, hurtful history again. I'm cheering for you (her name); I'm on your side. I do not want to see you fail." (I wanted to let her know that I was genuine with my plea, even if it was right or wrong, its what I felt).

Her
I'm just fine. Thanks. Sorry for giving you wrong impression. see you tomorrow.

Even if it was all in my head, I do appreciate the advice you guys gave me to approach her about it. Put it on the table so there is no question or doubts in each others head. 

Thank you.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

That's great news! Good for you honey!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fightingtilltheend (Jun 15, 2012)

Good for you....but I highly doubt what she is saying......she knew what she was doing...but the fact that you called her out..she is now trying to play the innocent card......stay clear.....good job....but continue to stay clear.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Stop answering her texts and don't blame yourself. she could use that against you.


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## RDL (Feb 10, 2012)

Ironically you being stand offish raises her attraction for you. You are hard to get and that means valuable. 

Focusing on her husband each time she steps out of line is good. She will likely get the idea after a while. 

"Bye, say hello to your husband from me". Doesn't matter that you don't know her husband, that is not what you are saying 

Girls do this too if a guy who is married or has a girlfriend hits on them and they are not attracted they keep referring to the wife or girlfriend. If they are attracted enough they avoid the subject completely.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

This chick is playing you like a finely tuned fiddle..........


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## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

I just noticed the thank you letter that she gave me when she gave me the gift this past Friday, and that I hung on the wall is curiously missing.

Not sure if she thinks this is any kind of evidence that can be used against her or if she is taking heed to my plea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

Twofaces said:


> This chick is playing you like a finely tuned fiddle..........


She may be playing me like a fiddle but I am calling the tune
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## endoftheroad (Jul 29, 2012)

Pretty sure that you couldn't have handled that much better. The fact that your are a single male in a position of power, and you have a married woman trying to get in your pants and you chose to come here and look for advice says a lot to me about your character. You handled it amazingly imo.
We don't know each other, so it may not mean much. But you, sir, have my utmost respect for what you did. If I was the husband I would have to feel the same way after I thought about it all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Posse (Jan 30, 2012)

....


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

she's backtracking to save face, hopefully she got the message

good for you for setting appropriate boundaries


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

30 and single? She wants you and you just have to decide if you want to pursue something with her. She has no kids, which would make it easier if you wanted to be with her. However, you have to think that if she's doing that to her husband and you get with her, she'd probably do it again to you with someone else.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> I am not the kind of guy to look


HAHAHA... Gotta love it when yanks preemptive defend themselves from being accused of being heterosexual men. 

It's ok dude! Heterosexuality is not a disease!



> She seems the type that could get you into big trouble at work. The kiss on the cheek could get someone fired easily at most work places.


That's sick... You guys are so weird about all this stuff!


Now, to the OP. Good show man. Did the right thing! 



> She said 'Whatever' got up and left.


Yeah... She had it for you.


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## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

Adex said:


> 30 and single? She wants you and you just have to decide if you want to pursue something with her. She has no kids, which would make it easier if you wanted to be with her. However, you have to think that if she's doing that to her husband and you get with her, she'd probably do it again to you with someone else.


Believe me, I know. It is a HUGE red flag. 


That Wednesday when I told her, she had brought in a movie I lent her MONTHS before things had progressed to what it is today. I lent her the movie 'The Fountain' about a month after she was hired because we were talking about favorite movies and I had mentioned one of my all time favorites. She agreed to borrow and watch it (this was not the first dvd she had borrowed). Fast forward to this past Tuesday at lunch, she mentioned that she went to see the new Bourne film. We were discussing the actors in the movie and I had mentioned that I really like Rachel Weisz as an actress. I remembered that I had lent her 'The Fountain' to watch and asked if she remembered Rachel from that movie. She exclaimed that she actually still had the movie and had not watched it yet. I totally forgot that she still had it. I asked her why she hadn't watched it yet and she said that 'Her husband is never in the mood to watch those kinds of movies'. With the confrontation and boundaries issue coming up, I wanted to disassociate everything between us and asked her, politely, if she didn't watch the movie within a week, to please bring it back to me. She smiled and agreed. Now, some of you might be familiar with the movie 'The Fountain' and you might laugh at the choice and timing of this movie. The premise of 'The Fountain' is about a married couple. The husband is a doctor who is trying to find a cure for death because his wife has terminal cancer. The story entails of TRUE love, living in the moment, and letting go. It is a fascinating, well acted, well wrritten, and directed movie. If you haven't seen it WATCH it, with a loved one of course! Every time I lend this movie out to people, I always say, 'Watch it with a loved one'. Well that following Wednesday, I walked by her desk and she immediately smiled, turned and held out the movie. I reached for it and she recoiled her hand and brought the movie close to her. I then noticed that she was extremely dolled up; tons of makeup, hair was perfect, and she was wearing an ALMOST see-thru, translucent green top with a white push-up bra underneath. I asked if she watched it, and she said that she did and how sad it made her feel. She then gave her synopsis of the movie and what she thought happened at the end. I told her what I thought and took the movie back and went my desk. This couldn't have been worse/better timing as this may have been the pinnacle of the relationship thus far. Remember how I said she was being extremely nice to me that day and that I should write a book bla bla. Well, this was also the day that I drew the line in the sand. Extremely opposing emotions that day for her; not sure if that is a good or bad thing. Probably more good than bad. 

The next day, Thursday, only a 'Good Morning' and zero eye contact from either side. Her attire was subdued and toned down dramatically. No break together. No lunch together. 

Friday minimal contact. No break together or lunch together. I could tell she was on the phone a lot more with her husband for a good duration of the day. Good news! Towards the end of the day though, she was being extremely cold to me. Short answers, shooting daggers through me and laughing talking with other guys in a more pronounced manner. She also brought in a picture of her and her husband and put it on her desk where everyone could see it. I was doing something next to her desk and I said that 'I liked that picture' of the two of them to which she abruptly replied 'Thank you' and quickly turned back to doing her work. 

I feel the boundaries are in place now and she 'gets it'. The only worrisome thing left now is the wrath of a scorned woman...to which I am mentally preparing myself for.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lol good job honey! Hang in there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I think your timing was perfect.


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## Izzie (Aug 17, 2012)

Ha!!! This one is easy. By the length of your post and attention to every single detail since the beginning of time, I am pretty sure you are infatuated with this woman as well. Your reasoning for this post is to find out if she feels the same way because she is married and you are so into her that you are questioning and obsessing about every detail. You love her attention and you are probably quite turned on by her. 

Yes she is hitting on you. She may have gotten married for convenience reasons, visa, green card, financial... Who knows? She likes you now.

And I just realized I missed a whole bunch of threads so I am waaaaayyy behind with what has happened with this story. Sorry. I have to go back and read


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## honeybunnn (Aug 14, 2012)

Izzie said:


> Ha!!! This one is easy. By the length of your post and attention to every single detail since the beginning of time, I am pretty sure you are infatuated with this woman as well. Your reasoning for this post is to find out if she feels the same way because she is married and you are so into her that you are questioning and obsessing about every detail. You love her attention and you are probably quite turned on by her.
> 
> Yes she is hitting on you. She may have gotten married for convenience reasons, visa, green card, financial... Who knows? She likes you now.
> 
> And I just realized I missed a whole bunch of threads so I am waaaaayyy behind with what has happened with this story. Sorry. I have to go back and read


Nope, not infatuated, just observant. I see everything around me. Just as Sim from Sherlock Holmes asked Holmes, "What do you see" to which Sherlock exclaimed "Everything, that is my curse." It is also true with me. Maybe not to the extent that Hollywood portrays in Holmes but close enough. 

My reasoning for this post is to gain outside help and information pertaining to EA's and marriage in general. Like, boundaries. I have never been married but someday I would like to be. The information learned here will be invaluable to my wife and I someday. And, it might even save a few marriages along the way. 

No, not turned on by her, actually the polar opposite; turned off. Her actions up to this point have been deplorable. Not something that is desirable in the opposite sex. More importantly, in a married woman.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

I kind of agree with Izzie on this one. Your attention to all details and how you analyzed the events between you two say that at least in your subconscious, she's on your mind a lot.

I'll play devil's advocate here and say just go for it because you're single. If it's not you it'll be someone else who she cheats with and in the long run, you'll be doing a favor to her husband after he finds out. However, I wouldn't make her your gf. Maybe just a friends with benefits kind of thing.

Yes that route would be immoral though.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Adex said:


> I kind of agree with Izzie on this one. Your attention to all details and how you analyzed the events between you two say that at least in your subconscious, she's on your mind a lot.
> 
> I'll play devil's advocate here and say just go for it because you're single. If it's not you it'll be someone else who she cheats with and in the long run, you'll be doing a favor to her husband after he finds out. However, I wouldn't make her your gf. Maybe just a friends with benefits kind of thing.
> 
> Yes that route would be immoral though.


Stupid, stupid, stupid.....if the OP still wants to sow his wild oats AND keep his job, he would be wiser to chase women who have nothing to do with his work......so that excludes co-workers, suppliers, clients and maybe even other women in the industry......

there's a recession going on out there, ya' know....


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## jelichmann (Apr 5, 2012)

I personally think that you've done an excellent job of resisting this woman, especially being that your single and, well, a man. 

To everyone else who's making accusations about honeybunnn wanting to be with this woman…Duh! Who wouldn't be tempted by a 25 year old European woman throwing herself at you in transparent shirts and push up bras?! I know I would. But being exposed to temptation isn't what makes a person good or bad, it's what you do afterwards that counts.

From everything you've described, it's very clear that she was infatuated with you in the beginning. I'm sure there was quite a lot of temptation, but rest assured that you've made the right choice NOT to pursue things with this woman.

From your most recent update about The Fountain (love that movie, btw), it definitely seems as if you've broken through into the realm of normal work boundaries. Now you just have to stay there, which should be pretty easy from here on out.


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