# Resuming sex



## Elizabeth50 (Nov 19, 2014)

My husband had a medical issue caused by sex almost 6 weeks ago... It was jus a fluky thing I guess. They cannot say why it happened, only that the chances of it happening again are very small... It was very painful and life threatening though it ended up having just a few side-effects that should eventually go away. When we left the hospital, the doc said we can resume sex when we feel like it...

We are both absolutely scared to death to even attempt it.. What if it happens again and this time the consequences are more severe???? We are at a standstill because we both are frightened to death... At the same time, I hate for our sex life to die....


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hmmm, that's a tough one. What kind of medical issue is caused by sex? Heart arrhythmia? Stroke?

If the docs say go for it, then it's okay.

Being afraid is totally understandable though. Just keep a phone handy and progress slowly. One step at a time. In short order, he'll be pounding away again.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Without knowing what happened it's hard to say. But if it was exertion related, can you just take it back a notch until you're both comfortable?

For example, you on top, more oral sex, manual sex?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Not to make light of your situation, but my first thought was that it got "bent". In my case, I don't think it was life-threatening, but it felt like it was ...

In any event, slow and easy does it, at least until both of you get your confidence back. I do think it's important to get back in the saddle, so to speak. One thing you don't want to do is let the fear fester.


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## Elizabeth50 (Nov 19, 2014)

It was a brain hemorrhage... the worst headache of his life. He is still suffering the headaches as well as fatigue.. They say that may last 6 months or more... Not very funny...


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> We are both absolutely scared to death to even attempt it.. What if it happens again and this time the consequences are more severe???? We are at a standstill because we both are frightened to death... At the same time, I hate for our sex life to die....


If you're scared to death, then you both need to spend a LOT more time speaking with the doctor so you can understand and internalize why he's telling you that it's safe.

Don't kill your sex life because of irrational fears.


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## Elizabeth50 (Nov 19, 2014)

Chris Taylor said:


> Without knowing what happened it's hard to say. But if it was exertion related, can you just take it back a notch until you're both comfortable?
> 
> For example, you on top, more oral sex, manual sex?


Orgasm caused it, so I'm not sure about any kind of stimulation might cause it again...


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## Elizabeth50 (Nov 19, 2014)

norajane said:


> If you're scared to death, then you both need to spend a LOT more time speaking with the doctor so you can understand and internalize why he's telling you that it's safe.
> 
> Don't kill your sex life because of irrational fears.


The problem is they could not find a cause...they didn't find an aneurism.... But there was blood on the brain as a result of sex... He could not guarantee that it would not happen again, but the chances are pretty low. 

My husband is an MD and has done tons of research, but it doesn't alleviate the fear for either of us.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Given the option of a life without sex or the miniscule chance of a recurrence of a brain hemorrhage, I'll take the risk.

I'll bet your husband feels the same way.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

An experience like this can leave it's psychological mark for a long time. My wife had a spontaneous dissection of the vertebral artery a couple of years back. We were lucky--I noticed early symptoms within a few hours and got her to the hospital. She's had a full recovery, but she still has recurring fears of it happening again, despite the doctors saying it would be a very low risk of recurrence. She suffers from anxiety over it, and it does take it's toll. You may want to think about some counseling to help work through it.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Elizabeth50 said:


> The problem is *they could not find a cause*...they didn't find an aneurism.... *But there was blood on the brain as a result of sex... *He could not guarantee that it would not happen again, but the chances are pretty low.
> 
> My husband is an MD and has done tons of research, but it doesn't alleviate the fear for either of us.


If they couldn't find a cause, then why do you believe that sex caused it? Coincidence does not equal causation. If they can't find a cause, then you can't say that sex is the cause.

He could have been working out, sneezing, walking, showering, driving or sitting on the couch when it happened.


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## Elizabeth50 (Nov 19, 2014)

Cletus said:


> Given the option of a life without sex or the miniscule chance of a recurrence of a brain hemorrhage, I'll take the risk.
> 
> I'll bet your husband feels the same way.



Actually, he told me he really wants me but he is too scared... Before this I was the higher drive spouse. In fact, I'm having trouble not feeling guilty for pushing for more sex because it feels like I caused this to happen, even though I know in my head it is a fluky thing... But now I think, so you are going to try pushing him into having sex again so that something else can happen....


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## Elizabeth50 (Nov 19, 2014)

norajane said:


> If they couldn't find a cause, then why do you believe that sex caused it? Coincidence does not equal causation. If they can't find a cause, then you can't say that sex is the cause.
> 
> He could have been working out, sneezing, walking, showering, driving or sitting on the couch when it happened.


Actually what I meant is that they couldn't find an aneurisms or whatever, but the neurologist said that sex IS what "caused" the... ( small aneurism that disappeared or a venous bleed... that is what we don't know) He sees 2 cases of post coital brain hemorrhage in the er every month....


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## Elizabeth50 (Nov 19, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> You may want to think about some counseling to help work through it.


Yeah and I guess since we both tend to be filled with anxiety anyway and try to control all circumstances. ( We are both savers, both planners, most risk-averse, etc.) that will only make it worse, huh?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Is he afraid to do other activities that raise his blood pressure?


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## Elizabeth50 (Nov 19, 2014)

No!! That is just it. He has low blood pressure. It is normally 100 over 60.... He doesn't have a problem with high blood pressure.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

All you can do is take reasonable precautions. Once you've done that your choices are to let fear rule your life or take steps to get past it.

If he's having substantial anxiety about it recurring despite medical assurances to the contrary, I'd really suggest some counseling for it.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Elizabeth50 said:


> It was a brain hemorrhage... the worst headache of his life. He is still suffering the headaches as well as fatigue.. They say that may last 6 months or more... Not very funny...


Not funny at all, and I apologize if I came across as flippant in any way.


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## Green Eyes (Nov 20, 2014)

I agree with counseling. I'm an anxious person by nature too. If it was me I'd be very stressed and worried as well. I'd need counseling.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Would it help if you got a second opinion from another neurologist?


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