# This is long, but please read.



## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

I dated my ex-bf, Kyle, who is 4 years older then me, when I was 17. Our relationship was abusive and immature, on both parts. I finally ended it when I graduated high school. He still always attempted to rekindle our relationship, even when he got married 6 months later. And he continued to after his divorce. I did not want to even try dating him again. We attempted to be friends but that didn't work. 

In the meantime, I maintained a friendship with his brother, Joe, who is my age. Joe was here in the US on an expired visa, so I had offered to get married to him to get his green card. Kyle gave us the okay. But as Joe and I started spending more time together before the marriage, we fell for each other. Things became very real. I was and still am very in love with my husband. As soon as we told Kyle and his family and friends about the marriage being real, about our love, things went bad. 

His parents and friends kept saying rude things to Joe about me, trying to get him to end the relationship. Kyle was harassing my family and I at my home while my mother was very ill. I ended up having to file a complaint with the police so he'd stop. He kicked Joe and I out of their house so we went to live with my family at home. He also physically attacked my husband at work . After my mom passed away, Joe's parents came around, apologized and said they just want us all to get along. Things got much better with them !

Kyle eventually came back around asking if we could forget that anything happened and just go back to how things used to be. I felt there was definitely some talking that needed to be done between Kyle and Joe, or even all of us, but my husband didn't want to hear. So we all started hanging out again, Kyle even brought around some of his new gfs at the time . We even invited Kyle to my family's holiday celebrations. Things were going good. 

Suddenly one day, Kyle tells Joe he can't be around us anymore, the feeling is still there and that accepting our marriage is going against everything he believes in. They have an argument and it ends in Kyle saying that neither of us exist to him. They stop talking for a few months. Until now.

Kyle tells Joe he's going to be a father. His recent girlfriend is pregnant. Joe is happy for him, but when he asks that Kyle respect us, both of us, Kyle says they'll talk about it later. I'm nervous. I feel terrible for my husband. I told him I'm here for him if he wants to talk but he doesn't even know how to feel about it. They are suppose to meet and talk tomorrow. Do you think things will have finally changed with Kyle? Do you thing my husband will stand up for our marriage and for me? Have you ever been in a similar situation? If so, how did you work things out? Thank you for taking the time to read my post. Hopefully this is shorter than my last one lol.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

in order to get more responses I would suggest you go back and edit your post and break it down into paragraphs

right now the wall of text is rather difficult to read


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

Okay. Thank you. Should I try to shorten it some too? I was afraid if I didn't put the details it would harder for readers to understand why there's so much conflict.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

details are fine and important, readability is key


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

OP, clearly you LOVE digging yourself into a hole. Don't you?

Your entire story is like a domino effect of bad decisions. One after the other......and there is SO many. You probably have a record RED FLAGs in one post on the entire Internet right now.

What did you think would happen? Everything you are dealing with are consequences of your actions.

I have 0 advice for you, for # of reasons.

I doubt you will listen, I'm not sure if you deserve it and also because it's rather clear that you seem to like all this.

if you didn't you wouldn't participate in ANY of it, to begin with. You leave your ex and you get into fake marriage with his brother? Get intimate with him and you thought that wasn't going to lead to more? Jesus, this is just beyond ridicules.

You set up your entire life for a complete failure. Now it's just a waiting game, no matter what you do.

Good luck, I guess. And sorry for nothing


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

Almostrecovered: Maybe I should just shorten it entirely? I was never good in English! DoF: I appreciate your honesty. Thank you.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

just post a what the net calls a TLDR- (too long didnt read) in other words a summary


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

Okay, thank you. This is my first time on a forum if you can't tell lol.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

How old were you and Kyle when you were together? You were a teen and he was mid 20's?


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

I was 17 and he was 21.


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

I shortened my post! Hopefully it's a little more readable!


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

I my husband and I were married when we were 22, and we are both 25 now, turning 26 soon.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

OMG, this sounds like a Jerry Springer episode. I agree with DoF, this is one hot mess that you created for yourself. Did you _really_ believe no drama would come out of this?

It sounds like Kyle is the drama queen of the family & everyone tip toes around him. Will things get better? I doubt it. Kyle is who he is. Everything will be fine until you or your husband piss him off again.

But in all reality, Kyle is not the problem. *Your HUSBAND is the problem here.* Until he grows a pair & let it be known that he is not putting up with any bull$hit (& actually mean it) - everything will remain the same.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Yeah this is FUBAR


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

JustTired: Thank you very much for your honesty. I have dug myself quite the hole. But believe it or not, things are going A LOT better than they were before. I do agree. I agree with DoF as well. These are the consequences of my own actions. I knew there was going to be drama but I guess I didn't really expect it to last this long. I thought a year, year and a half, tops. Boy, was I wrong. My husband...I've always felt the same way, that he needed to be more assertive and blunt with his family, especially his brother. He stood up to him last time a little bit. But for the two to be chatting about cars and Kyle's recent baby news, makes me think that he might not. Thank you for your comments everyone! I love the honesty! Please keep it coming!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

My suggestion is that you and your husband move as far as possible from Kyle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

I just learned what FUBAR means. Lol. Thank you DoF. Thound: I've seriously considered moving farther from him. It's unfortunate, but my gut tells me it would be for the best.


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

I feel this guy is toxic to my relationship. I knew there would be drama but it has now been 7 years since we broke up, and I still can't understand what Kyle's problem is. I really thought he would have gotten over it by now. When I spoke to my husband about it, he thought I was being very pessimistic and told me to be more positive, to give his brother a chance. Ugh.


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

Thank you for everyone's honesty and support.  Can I update this post when I find out how things go with their "talk" tomorrow?


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

PieOhMy said:


> Thank you for everyone's honesty and support.  Can I update this post when I find out how things go with their "talk" tomorrow?


By all means come back!


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

I can't see exactly what "red flag" the OP is responsible for, besides marrying the brother of an ex-bf. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't have "wise" written all over it, but I'm sure there are a load of just dandy marriages that may have started that way. It's all in how the participants handle it. In this case, Kyle is clearly a child and incapable of dealing with situations he doesn't like. Family may be family, but that doesn't mean that sometimes, they don't deserve to be excluded until they get their act together.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

If we take all the "crazy" out of this post......bottom line is that your BIL has resentments towards you. Sad to say, until he grows up, nothing there is going to change. I suggest you and your H realize the issue is HIS, do not entertain it, do not engage in the drama, take the good times with laughter, and ignore the crap out of the temper tantrums. In no way, shape, or form, should either you or your H try to "make nice" with this guy. It won't do a lick of good until he grows up and realizes that he is the problem (which he might not ever.) 

And ditto moving away. Makes the drama harder to maintain.


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

I think my husband is in denial. I guess what I'm afraid of is that Kyle will ask for a relationship with my husband that will always exclude me, so that it's like I'm non-existent, and that my husband will be okay with that. I don't want us to have to live that way. That sounds like a terrible arrangement. You are all so right. And I've had several arguments with my husband about his brother. But he gets very defensive and doesn't like to hear it. I guess I will just have to wait and see how tomorrow goes. Funny part is that Joe told me Kyle asked him to go to a movie, and Joe was like, "I thought we were going to talk? Let's just do lunch." And then Kyle asked, "You're coming alone right?" And Joe was like, "Yeah, why??" And he said "jw." I don't even get what Kyle is trying to do. Talk? Play? Party? Lol. I cannot wait to move away from this guy!


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

Well today's the day that their suppose to talk. Let's see if my husband will really put his foot down. I hope so. Thanks for everyone's support!


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

Update: When Joe met with Kyle, Kyle said that the girl he got pregnant originally said she wanted to keep the baby but now she doesn't want to keep it and has moved out of the house they were renting together. Joe says he's very depressed, he's seeing a therapist now and he's lost a lot of weight. When Joe told Kyle that he wants him to respect our marriage, Kyle said he understands and that it's very hard for him to be around us together. I asked Joe what that meant and he said he doesn't know. 

I'm really fed up because I'm done with this drama. I either want Kyle to get over it, accept us, respect us so we can all get along and hang out together. Or Kyle not be over it, leave us alone so we can move on with our lives and maybe even cut ties until he can accept us. 

My husband even told Kyle to move closer to us and when he said that I was thinking to myself, NO. I can see my husband is really sympathizing for Kyle but it still sounds like he's not over it. And I really thought Joe went to "talk" with Kyle to put his foot down. Sounds like they just had a pity party for Kyle. 

Joe wants to invite him to do something with us. I didn't respond. He was even thinking maybe I could text Kyle. And I told him the only way I'd text him is to invite him to do something with us, both of us together. That was it. But I don't want to text Kyle at all. I almost feel like my husband wants me to do his dirty work or sympathize for Kyle. My husband is very defensive when it comes to his family, and gets furious when I'm being "cold" and "selfish" about their problems. Or so he calls it. How should I approach him about this? What should I say? I don't even know what happens now. I feel like their "talk" got nowhere.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

I'm so sorry it seems like nothing got resolved. Have you considered marriage counseling? Until Joe grows a pair this will not stop.

What I find so interesting is that Kyle openly told Joe that it is hard for him to be around the both of you. Why is Joe still trying to force you to interact & even text Kyle? Is that his passive aggressive way of stickign it to his brother for causing so much drama? It just doesn't make sense that his own brother admitted that he has a hard time being around you both, and yet Joe still wants everyone to hang out together. Either he is not smart or he is seriously dysfunctional.


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

Um...He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Lol. But he's a very optimistic person. And unfortunately, that's sometimes his flaw. I want my husband to say this, "Kyle, I understand you are going through a hard time right now. But I cannot help you if you're not even willing to accept my marriage and respect my wife. You have to let this go, because until you do, this will forever remain an underlying issue for you and obstacle for our relationship. I am done with this nonsense. Are you ready to let the past be the past so we can get along and start enjoying the future?" I wish he'd say something like that. Should I text Kyle at all? Should I say anything to Kyle about letting things go? I'd rather not text him and ask my husband to confront him with something like I said above. Is that wrong?


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