# My wife left me and I feel so alone, but...



## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

I'm 25 years old, and I've been together with my wife for 6 years, and married for almost 4 of them.

I'm a Christian man. I don't simply mean I go to church on Sundays and forget about it. I mean, I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe that he has us all here for a reason, and that our main objective is to follow him, and to serve him, and to serve others, and not just ourselves. Love is the most important thing out of this life, and that doesn't just mean marriage love / physical love / emotional love....just LOVING in general. It's what the lord teaches us.

Over the course of our marriage, my wife has almost left on a couple occasions. 

I don't know why I am even posting this. I can't even begin to explain it.

I just feel so alone. I hate coming home to an apartment with all of her stuff gone. I hate not talking to her. I hate that I had a women that was so in love with me, that has cried and told me how she was so undeserving of me and that I was the most wonderful man she has ever met, and I always assured her that she was completely deserving of me...that she's a wonderful amazing beautiful woman, and that I would love her for the rest of my life and always do what is best for our marriage.

And now....she's gone. She's gone because she wants to be gone. She's gone because she doesn't want to have to worry about someone else's emotions - we got married right out of college, and she wants to experience life for herself with on restraints. She wants to worry about herself and that is it. 

She doesn't want to go out with me and friends because she is still tied to me. She wants to go out and have nobody to report to except herself. 

I am just dumbfounded. I have always loved her, forgiven her, given her the benefit of the doubt in every situation, and stayed completely faithful to her throughout our marriage.

I've sat here and said "God, divorce is not right, and even though this woman is going so far away from what marriage is supposed to be, I'm holding on to her, because you can do miracles". And He has done miracles, he has brought us through some crazy hard times. When we got everything straitened out last time, I finally felt secure....that we were good...that life will always have its ups and downs...but we were going to be able to stick it out because we love each other, and we both wanted to be there.

But no, of course not. A couple months down the line, and all this crap comes up again.

Marriage is not about a freaking feeling. The second you tell you spouse "I don't feel in love with you", you're completely in the wrong. Love and Marriage is about commitment, 100%, because feelings fade. Everyone comes down from cloud 9. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I can assure you that I am a better man and husband now that I even was at the beginning of our marriage - I listen. I support her. I'm not selfish, I swear to you.

I know she's talked to another guy - on more than one occasion. Another guys who is 100% on the opposite end of the spectrum that I am - an absolute lowlife who has been involved in other marriages before and broken them up. Why can't this girl wake up? This is the woman who loved me, and loved the Lord, and it's like....she is just reverting back to this teenage mentality of....If I'm not happy right now, I'm gonna do whatever makes me happy, because I deserve it.

Everyone wants to be happy, but I hate the whole "I deserve happiness" line. Life is hard. It has its ups and downs. I have faith in the Lord that he will bring us through any trial that we can even face. People kill themselves over failed marriages. The Lord is bigger than that! Your life has purpose...it really does! But why do we go through these hard times that push us to the absolute brink?

Because if life were that easy, faith Jesus Christ would be irrelevant. It builds us to be better people. Nobody ever said life was fair, because it certainly isn't.

I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and I believe that only because I have faith in the Lord. I can leave work right now and find my apartment burned to the ground, but I know i'll get through it, because I have faith in the Lord. I have faith that there can be someone out there who could love me like I have always loved my wife.

Unconditional. Selflessly. Accepting of them for exactly who they are, and not pointing our their flaws. Someone who wakes up in the morning, and doesn't always wonder "is the grass greener on the other side of the fence?". Someone who wakes up and says - I'm content with my life because I love my God, I love my husband because I COMMITTED to him, and I am going to make this the best day possible for My God, For My Husband, For Myself, And for everyone else I try to come in contact with, because the Lord has called us to LOVE each other.

Call me biased because I have a feeling of love for me wife, and obviously she is "feeling" something different. Of course it's easy for me to say these things. What if I was the one to start being temped and "losing" these feelings...then what? Would I stand strong? You may say "you've never been in that situation so you don't really know what you would do!"

I know who I am. I know myself. I know my heart. I know my standards. I would have loved to have a beautful single tempting woman show up at the office one day while I was married right after a huge fight with my wife, because I guarantee you....absolutely...I would shoot that down.

Love is a choice. You fell out of love? That's you're choice. Life is hard. "OH but...". Don't give me excuses. We're all imperfect. I'm not near perfect. Neither is my wife. But I love her regardless of any imperfection she may have. 

Honest to God, I am not a ****y person. This is just a ton of typing from somebody like myself that you are never going to meet...just words on some forum on the internet from someone else going through a huge mess. I have flaws like everyone else, but if the Lord provides me (and I hope he does so much) with another women to someone come into my life, she's going to be a lucky woman, because she's going to have a husband that she never has to worry about what's going inside his head. She's going to be able to know (just like my current wife, ex-wife whatever you want to call her) that when I say I love you...I mean it...and I mean it for the long haul...until I take my last breath.

And believe me, I'll be a lucky man as well. To have a woman who can bring the same thing to the table...just a love that is consistent and happy and not always wondering what else she could have done with her life. 

If you made it this far, I appreciate you reading this. I've just been typing away for 30 minutes and not looking back.

God bless you guys and girls and men and women that are going through this mess as well. Stay strong. The Lord cares. He wants our marriages to work even more than we do. He really does. But we cannot control someone else's actions, even when it makes absolutely no sense, and you wonder "Who in the world is this person standing in front of me acting like this? Don't you remember how much we've loved each other over the years?"

Stay strong everyone - God bless you from the bottom of my heart. The Lord has a plan, and you're part of it, just like I am. It may seem like the end of the road, but it's not. There is more to come. Some of it will be good, some of it will be bad, but that is life. The reward isn't always going to be something we see on this earth.

Last time...

God bless.


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## CruxAve (Dec 30, 2011)

Brother, we are on the same page. I agree with much of what you have written. And I don't believe in divorce either (especially when children are involved)-- "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."

However, Christ also says that we must be gentle as doves and wise as serpents. It seems like you got the dove down, but you need more of the shrewd serpent part. Don't let your wife know your going to put up with nonsense. If she doesn't know how to behave, give her the boot and shake the dust off from your feet. Hopefully, like the prodigal son, she wakes up and realizes the misery she has caused and repents.

I'm sorry you are going through this.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Remember that you are the head of your household.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

You have a huge heart, and I really hate to see you being subjected to all of the hurt and the pain that you are. Keep faith in God, because he has a plan in all of this. Even His plan might induce some pain, in and of itself, but it will truly mold you into the Head of the House that He has deemed you to be. Don't carry this burden alone; please rely on your Church and your pastors for help with your mental well being. And always pray to our Father sincerely for His guidance during these bad times, and give Him the glory, thanks, and praise when things turn around. We'll say a prayer from here for both you and your wife! Best of luck, my friend. And keep the faith!


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## Devastated2 (Jan 29, 2012)

I can relate to your situation. 

A big difference in my situation is that I was a terrible husband. I took my wife for granted, was extremely critical of her weight, had an emotional affair, and never made her feel like she was a priority in my life. My work/life balance was completely backwards and she tried pointing this out to me on several occasions, but I though I knew what was best. I never made her feel important to me and gave her the quality time that she asked me for. I ignored my wife's feelings and concerns for too long. I have finally realized how much I need her in my life, unfortunately she is convinced that a divorce is the best thing for her now. I finally woke up with God's help and want to fix our relationship, but it is too late in my wife's mind for me to start working on saving our marriage now.

I understand your pain. This is definitely a time in our life when we need God in our lives more than ever before.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I am sorry for your pain and I will be praying for you. Being one who is 100% committed and has been for a full year, I can relate.

In analyzing and learning all I can over this year about relationship problems with walk away wives, it seems to me that a key is when other guys or interest in other guys comes into the picture. 

This seems to draw their dedication and emotion out of their marriages and they will justify it by the claim for a right to be happy. Right or wrong on how they get there. 

We all know the grass is not always greenier and they will need to learn this lesson. Question is how much damage they do while finding out. 

You know this, but know you are not alone even in your loniest times.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

Sorry to hear that. But you are both young. When she said she wanted to experience more from life, she was probably being honest. She probably didn't experience life at all and that is eating away at her. This is a common issue and unfortunately hearts do get broken because of it. Not to minimize your pain, but one positive is that at least this did not happen 10 years down the road when kids are in the picture. Because if she stayed the course now, eventually this probably was gonna happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

Thanks for these responses everyone.

When she says she wants to experience more of life and do what she wants to do, I completely understand her. I don't believe she is lying. She went from being in college and still living in that type of constrained environment, to being married right away, and though I hate the term, was never able to "find herself".

It's not an excuse, but it is certainly a temptation with validity. I personally can't wrap my mind around committing to your God and your husband to do the best you can for the rest of your life....and then still walking away. Marriage changes everything. I'm not trying to smart, but that's why there is no "strength" in living together without being married....you've simply said you love each other, and that's it. Why not step up and commit to each other in public? Before your family? Before God?

Someone mention the "wise as serpents and innocent as doves" verse earlier. I agree, it's simply hard to know how far to take it. It says in the Bible not to be a doormat; not to let people walk all over you. She's not walking all over me; she's simply making decisions that are ending our marriage and moving her slowly away. 

She knows me. She has commented to me not even 2 weeks ago that she knows that my love for her does not run out. I don't want to play psychology games with her - it certainly seems like if you "acted" like you were done with the whole situation and weren't going to let it affect you, the whole "you don't know what you got til it's gone" attitude could play out. My acting like I don't care if she leaves could psychologically maybe make her feel differently as in, "He is getting over me! He's not as hurt if I leave!" - and that may make them reevaluate their decision. But that doesn't fix the core, and that's not what God calls us to do anyways. He says if we love someone, we are supposed to love them, and that's it. Not try to act a certain way to get a certain reaction out of them, no matter how hard it may be. Believe me, it's a killer to my pride to tell her that I love her, and at the same time know that she doesn't want to be with me.

I can't even begin to explain, because she twists herself from one attitude to the next so much. It's not just positive thinking, but there are certainly things about my wife where I truthfully don't believe that she thinks that she deserves someone as good as myself. She puts on a good face like she has a wonderful self image, but it's an act. She has hung on to some bad things from her past that I know she has never gotten over, and it has absolutely caused some of the problems we are going though now. I type and type, but always come to the conclusion that I could write a book on our relationship, and it still wouldn't completely solve things. The Lord understand me. The Lord understands her. And that's all I need to have trust in.

It's been great getting things out there. I would love to hear what anyone has to say.

Hey it's Friday! It's the weekend. I have no plans - no one to share it with. One of the hardest parts is that she has found this group of single girls at her grad school program that she can be with a go out with and do whatever she wants - while I am left to now be the single man in the group of all of our married friends. I still have these friends, but....it's completely different to have 2 couples hang out...then to just have me...and that same couple hang out...no matter how good of friends we are. Completely different dynamic.


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## CruxAve (Dec 30, 2011)

Just because you love her doesn't mean she can just come and go as she pleases. Love is desiring what is good for another. Giving her the boot is probably more loving.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> One of the hardest parts is that she has found this group of single girls at her grad school program that she can be with a go out with and do whatever she wants


that is the reason she left you. she sees them having fun without anyone holding them back, sleeping round


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

For sure, she is envious of these girls. They have no restraints. The decisions they make are up to them, and no one else. That is what she is craving. She has wanted that freedom for so long, I think she is just going to roll with it and see what happens.

But I know that it won't be fulfilling. That's not just positive thinking; it won't be. I have full confidence that she may not have had herself figured out during our marriage, but this certainly is not "who she really is" either. 

The Lord doesn't come and slap us on the head and tell us to "wake up". He gives us free will. I loved the example of the prodigal son that someone made - it fits her to a "t". She wants everything right now. Freedom to do what she wants, no restraints for money or friends or actions of anything. Right now! I don't want her to hit rock bottom, but in the same way, I want her to hit the low point to see the error of her ways. Guys, I'm not period by any means. But I love her, and I truly know that she loves me. I don't know how to describe this over a message like this, but honest to God, I really believe that everything that is causing the stress for her is external circumstances. It's not just something between the two of us. We had some issues just like a million couples have issues. What pushes it over the top is that she lets outside circumstances affect her judgement. She can't see the future - she can only see the "right now".

I'm going to go try to work on some case write ups, and watch Parenthood. Fantastic show, we used to watch it together. She loves it too. I still love it - great stories. 

I trust in the Lord with all of this. I have a job. I have food on my table. I have a roof over my head. There are so many that don't have these things. It doesn't make it that much easier, simply because I am a flawed human and I want my happiness, but it helps me see the big picture....

Prayer is key. When everything sucks worse than it ever has, pray. When you don't want to, pray. Because He's there, regardless if you feel that he is or not.

Geez I say these things, but I'm the first to admit it's hard to live it out.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It seems God gives us what we need, and he never gives us more then we can handle. With that said I suggest you distance your self. Let God deal with your wife and its time for you to take care of your self. God will help you through but you have to make the first move in working on your self.

You will never control your wife, but you can control what you will tolorate and who you want to be around. Sure Jesus would smile and give your wife a big hug, and forgive her, just like you can give your wife a big smile, wish her the best and move on. Showing her confidence in knowing God will watch her and it is now time for you to let her go and put it in Gods hands.

You may find it interesting that when you do let her go she will soon see that you will no longer be around for her. There may even be a sence of her wanting what she may no longer beable to have, and that would be you as you show her how confident you are in letting her go and letting God take care of her.

Showing this kind of confidence just may get her to think twice in what she is about to lose. So please ask God to give you strength in letting her go, to have the confidence that will alow you to distance your self from her, with the hope that she will see you moving on with out her and she will shake this fog she has and come back a better wife...knowing the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Until you let go, she will continue with this unhealthy behavior, knowing you will always be around. So start now by distancing your self.

People want what they can't have. 

Respect is given to those who demand it.

Man up and pray...She will either find her way and come back or she will let you go, and then it will be God that watches over her and work his plan for her life.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The other guy she is seeing is the external influence, that and her toxic friends. You can't control this, these unhealthy relationship will continue to effect the dynamics of the marriage. Until the other man is out of the picture you should distance your self.


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

A couple thoughts guys. I have appreciated reading yours.

There may not be actively another man in the picture - this man is from out of state, and I know it has been an "emotional" affair for the largest aspect of it. There are times I know they may have been around each other, and I'm not saying nothing ever physical happened. The type of man this guy is, he wouldn't be getting involved with someone just to nurture them emotionally...he's about the sex. There is certainly a part of me that thinks that there was something physical that has gone on, and she has buried it so deep within herself and lied about it for so long that it has driven her crazy.

I want to say one thing, but I need to preface it with this:

I want you all to understand that I am not this weak individual. I am not hanging on my wife's every word, sitting here gong "Oh if only she would come back and say she loves me, I would take her back with open arms!"

That is not the case. She has destroyed my trust in her, and taken our marriage to a terrible low. 

It has been said to distance myself. It has been said to just let her go because who knows if that may start the process of her realizing all she had, and possibly getting her act together. Maybe if I "let her go", it won't do anything either, and we will be over and done with. Anything is possible.

I think I am coming across "weak" because of the fact that if she calls, I'll still talk to her. Of she texts me, I'll text her back. I don't make her "work for it". 

*I am not trying to be stupid, but honestly, doesn't the Lord tell us to love our wives, sickness/health, bad times/good times, all that stuff? I understand 100% that it seems like what I may be doing is simply "putting up" with her crap and going along for the ride, but isn't it just some psychological mind game to try to push her away and let her go? I'm acting a certain way hoping to invoke a certain response out of her. I may get it, and I may not. It's actually probably been proven to work; you don't know what you got til it's gone! But is that really what the Lord would call me to do? I'm not being stubborn guys, I'm really not. I'm thinking about this with a clear mind. I'm thinking "Lord, I can either try to use my own brain to figure this out, act a certain way and hope it invokes a response in her down the road and turns out for the best (even though it may not), or I can trust You, and continue to love my wife through the tick and thin, and even though she is making bad decisions and not treating me the way that she should be treating her husband at all, swallowing my pride and doing it".*

I'm not prideful, and I'm also not naive. I have one objective here: just one. How does the Lord want me to move forward and treat this situation?

I do want to say that if I knew she was actively seeing another man, I would completely take myself out of the picture. That is a whole other ball game, and I believe the Lord would respect that. 

Someone may say "Well dude, of course she doesn't respect you! She feels like she can do whatever she wants and you'll still love her!"

Loving someone is opening up to them in a way where they have the opportunity to take advantage of your love, but they don't. My wife is currently taking advantage of mine. Yes. Absolutely. Does that really mean I should stop? I don't feel the Lord would want me to do it. Honestly, this is not a cry from me because I don't want to be on my own or something like that. I know 100% there could be another woman for me down the road - one that I don't have all this crap with - one that I could start fresh with.

But geez - is that really the way to go about this? A ring means something, a vow means something. 

Guys, I know I go on and on. It's not something we will solve on here - just tossing around ideas and thoughts. It's just helpful for me to type it all out. Thanks for reading.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Being a devout Christian you have two choices:

1) You can be like the prophet Hosea and remain married to her while she parties, runs around, abuses drugs and alcohol, gives her body to other men (and maybe women), and mocks you and your marriage. Hosea remained married to his wife _specifically because God asked him to do so_, so that his life could be a metaphor for the enduring, forgiving love that God had for Isreal, which was in constant rebellion towards him. 

Is God specifiucally leading you to remain married to her while she continually disrepects you? Only you and God know that answer.

2) Now, Biblically if you do divorce her, you can not remarry until she dies. I believe that rule is in the New Testament. So, if you do give her the boot, and if you strictly adhere to Biblical teaching, you must remain celibate until she dies, or, returns to you.

Either way you're in for a world of hurt. But don't take my word for it. See a pastor or scholar who can give you a better more accurate insight on this.

I feel for you brother and I will pray for you. Go to my profile and send me a private message if you need to just talk or vent.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Perhaps you've heard the story of the man caught in a flood who had a deep faith in God. As the flood waters rose, his neighbors told him, "You have to leave, the flood is going to wash everything away."

Calmly, the man replied, "It's not a problem, God will save me."

As the waters continued to rise to the second floor of the man's house, a boat came by with rescuers. They said, "Quickly, get in, the flood is going to wash everything away."

Again the man replied, "It's not a problem, God will save me."

As the flood worsened, the man was forced to climb onto the roof of his home. A helicopter came, threw down a ladder and the rescuers said, "Climb up. The flood is about to wash everything away."

One more time, the man said, "It's not a problem, God will save me."

Finally, the flood washed everything away, and the man drowned.

When he reached heaven, he saw God. The first thing he asked was, "Lord, I was so certain you would save me, what happened?"

Very perplexed, God said to the man, "I just don't know, I sent neighbors, a boat and a helicopter to save you."


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> When he reached heaven, he saw God. The first thing he asked was, "Lord, I was so certain you would save me, what happened?"
> 
> Very perplexed, God said to the man, "I just don't know, I sent neighbors, a boat and a helicopter to save you."




I gotta say man, I haven't heard that. I like it. Staying true to your faith, but at the same time, having your eyes open to what the Lord is doing around you. Believe me, I know the Lord is going to take care of me one way or the other, whatever that means, but if I'm on a roof and the helicopter comes, I'm saying THANK GOD and getting on that helicopter! lol

If only life were not so complicated  

It will be alright.


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Being a devout Christian you have two choices:
> 
> 1) You can be like the prophet Hosea and remain married to her while she parties, runs around, abuses drugs and alcohol, gives her body to other men (and maybe wormen), and mocks you and your marriage. Hosea remained married to his wife _specifically because God asked him to do so_, so that his life could be a metaphor for the enduring, forgiving love that God had for Isreal, which was in constant rebellion towards him.
> 
> ...




This is deep man, very deep.

My wife is not as crazy as Hosea's, thank goodness, but she is acting out on her freedom to do whatever she wants. Is God calling me to stay with her if she hooks up with another guy? No, I don't feel that from the Lord at all. But at the current point where I am at, I don't feel the Lord wants me to call it quits yet either. My wife is so uneven. There is nothing consistent. My head tells me one thing (run run run) and my heart and I feel my God tells me something else (stay stay stay).

Could this change? Could the Lord change my heart? Absolutely possible. 

As far as #2 - What a world we live in. People get divorces all the time and just move on to someone else. How screwed up it all is, and I never thought I would be put in this position. I don't want to divorce her - it's not what I wanted in the first place! I feel that the Lord has to sustain me through this period, because I feel within a couple months....she's either going to see the light of day and bring herself back to God and finally "find herself", or she's going to divorce me and that's going to be that. Hopefully she'll find God again down the road. Realize this life isn't just about whatever makes her happy at the current moment. She used to know this...

Whatever happens, I tell myself...The Lord is with me, and he cares. 

Believe me, I want to feel happy again. I want to share my life with someone, and if she leaves me, I don't see an ounce of Biblical source that indicates I need to live my life without a partner (I know you didn't say that - if we want to be scriptural about it - I don't want to be the one who initiates the divorce by any means - that is extremely important to me, because this is not what I believe is right or acceptable)

As I'm typing this, she just texted me. We have 2 dogs, and she is picking one of them up to take to her place. You could "consider" one of them her dog and one my dog (the male and the female,respectively). Today is the day to split the dogs up - what a joke. The two dogs that always sleep together and play with each other - they get split up because of my wife's stupid decisions. Just another piece of the puzzle.

I know I type a lot - I don't want to sound "woe is me". I just type to vent to help myself for the current moment.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

This is hard for you I know. Give us some specifics: does your wife have her own apartment? Her own job or are you paying for everything? 

My suggestion is that you go see a lawyer and see what your options are. Maybe filing divorce is the answer and a way to knock her off the fence. Sometimes getting legally served is a great wake-up call to knock a wayward out of their fog. 

You can always call the divorce off later if she comes around. 

Have you tried the 180? Going comletely dark and not answering her texts at all or at least waiting to answer them at your leisure?
If you show her you are moving on she may just panic and decide she made a bad decision and come back to you. But even then I would not call off the divorce until you are sure she will stay for good. 

Sounds to me like you married a runner. These types are ill-fitted for marriage and pretty much lost. 

I would file for D and cut off all contact.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Alwaysconfused (Feb 18, 2010)

I too am a devout Christian. I beleive the same as you do. I just find it hard to be a "Rock" as a man when you love someone as you do. Don't put up with it. Start moving in a direction for yourself and see how you will benefit in the long run and if she returns Great! You will be a stronger man in your relationship and she will respect that also.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Whatever you do do not have sex with her. Mainly because she might be sleeping around and you don't need an STD making things worse than they already are. If she comes back ask her to get tested. This is a good way to know if she has been putting out for others. 
And my friend, don't believe a word about anything she's telling you. Waywards lie, especially women who want to keep their husbands as safety nets - which is what you are to her. Verify everything before you make decisions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

I love god,

My wife does not believe at all, but I do fully. One of the many things that drove her away from me. She actually looks to me as a little bit "below" her for believing in god.

*1 Corinthians 7:15

15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.*


Not sure if that will help anyone in the same situation, but I do find peace in knowing that I am suppose to let her walk away... I know things are not black and white like this usually, but I still struggle a lot with feeling like I am giving up. Then again, there really is not anything else to do when the other person will not try....


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Traggy, in your case your wife is an unbeliever. The two of you are "unequally yoked" and thus divorce is allowed by the scripture you quoted. 

In Fromntos's case, his wife is a believer who is living in rebellion. In this case he cannot remarry reguardless of who initiates the divorce because the divorce is an earthly legal division. The divorce does not break the heavenly covenant between Fromntos and his wife. In God's eyes they remain married until one dies or they reconcile.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Traggy, in your case your wife is an unbeliever. The two of you are "unequally yoked" and thus divorce is allowed by the scripture you quoted.
> 
> In Fromntos's case, his wife is a believer who is living in rebellion. In this case he cannot remarry reguardless of who initiates the divorce because the divorce is an earthly legal division. The divorce does not break the heavenly covenant between Fromntos and his wife. In God's eyes they remain married until one dies or they reconcile.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, I know was just putting it in there for those who read this that are in the same situation as myself, since it was somewhat on subject.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

What happened to Fromntos? This was just getting interesting.:scratchhead:


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

I'm still around.

Haven't checked in in a couple days.

I've typed so much on here I needed a little break I guess.

I don't want to get into her money situation, but suffice it to say, she's not using my money, and it's not "some other guys" money or her parents money or anything like that. I would rather just not get into it.

My wife is not satisfied with anything her in life. She's not satisfied in her marriage, and I know she's not satisfied outside her marriage. She isn't as emotionally strong as she pretends to me, and honestly, I don't answer her texts and everything just for my sake because I love her and simply want that communication with her. Obviously the communication is good, but I do it because if I cut her off, it really may drive her to an even worse place. That's not me just saying that to justify anything or make myself feel better. It's the truth.


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

I won't file for divorce. This is not me being prideful. This is simply following what I believe the Lord has called me, and all of us, to do.

Do I have grounds for a divorce? No. I don't like the verse that people use about "if your spouse cheats on your, you can file for divorce". It's way too cut and dry. It has to do with if your spouse is cheating on you and continues on with it. In a sense, does it over and over again and doesn't necessarily feel sorry for their actions.

What constitutes cheating anyways? Sex? A Kiss? An Emotional Affair?

Everyone has their crap and their temptations, and I don't believe for a second that the Lord would want anyone to file for divorce from their spouse if they found out they kissed someone else.

"OHHH - you kissed someone else?? The Bible says that is unfaithfulness to me and I now have grounds for a divorce!"

I think that is completely twisted thinking. Even with sex - what if your spouse did that? It has to do with if they seek forgiveness for their actions or not. If your wife slept with someone else and cried to you for forgiveness, I truly honestly don't believe that they Lord would want you to divorce them. The key is in forgiveness, and weather they seek it or not. 

That verse has to do with if they continue their actions without remorse and simply won't divorce you.


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

Because everyone makes mistakes.

And I'll tell you what - everything is forgivable if you are true to Christ.

Because the day that you screw up in a HUGE way and wish to God that you wouldn't have done the actions that you just did - you'll be eternally grateful that the Lord can forgive you for that - and that your spouse has an enormous faith that can forgive you as well.

Lord knows I would want that forgiveness if I truly was seeking after it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I think you are in deep denial about what she is doing. The only info you have about what she's doing seems to be only what she is telling you. 

Obviously she is up to no good. Your comment on how you don't want to talk about how she is supporting herself or receiveing monetary support is quite chilling to me. I hope she's not into something dangerous or illicit. 

I'm not sure what you want from us here on this board. We could tell you alot of ways to break her out of the fog she's in and save your marriage, but due to your rather unique take on what the Bible lays out as grounds for divorce, I'm afraid there is not much we here on TAM can do for you. 

I do admire you for being willing to follow your beliefs and convictions. But if your wife is in any danger, it is your duty as her husband to save her from herself, whatever the cost.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> Because everyone makes mistakes.
> 
> And I'll tell you what - everything is forgivable if you are true to Christ.
> 
> ...


Are you saying this to us, yourself or to your wife?


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## fromntos (Feb 16, 2012)

Guys-

This is why it is so easy to have this misconstrued online. I promise you, I she is is being presented in a much more dire way that she should be taken. I promise you. 

1) The money comment is something I simply don't want to get into. There is nothing I can do through an online message board to convince you that it is nothing harmful, illegal, immoral, or anything of that nature. I have just chosen not to discuss it.

2) That comment about forgiveness is directed at you, me, her, and everyone else on this earth. Just simply stating that we all screw up, and yes some more than others, but forgiveness is always there for those who seek it.

Bandit, I am not in denial about anything. I know they say about any problem that "denial is the first stage", but like I said, everything gets misconstrued online. I wish there was some way to really state that so you knew it were true, but it's simply impossible, and you'll just have to take my word for it. I'm not necessarily expecting anything from this board. It is just helpful to share my experience and type it out, and anyone who wants to respond can respond. Believe me, if we were to sit down for 5 minutes and talk face to face, you would understand this much better.

I've actually went back and re-read some of the posts, and it does make it seem in some cases that it is the worst-case scenario in the history of the world. It's not. This is just life and hardships that we all have to work through.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

fromntos said:


> I don't want to be the one who initiates the divorce by any means - that is extremely important to me,
> 
> *AND SHE IS TAKING FULL ADVANTAGE OF THIS*
> 
> As I'm typing this, she just texted me. We have 2 dogs, and she is picking one of them up to take to her place. You could "consider" one of them her dog and one my dog (the male and the female,respectively). Today is the day to split the dogs up - what a joke. The two dogs that always sleep together and play with each other - they get split up because of my wife's stupid decisions. Just another piece of the puzzle.


Wow, I feel for you so much. Your dedication is a gift she does not know how to receive right now, and that is just so hard.

The LAST thing I want is a divorce. My husband hasn't had a PA yet, but he was well on his way when I found out what he had been up to. So I fought hard to NOT accept any behavior out of him that would lead him to that. 

You are allowing her to have everything that leads to an affair(new single girlfriends, moving out, etc.), yet you say if she gets with another man, you will leave her.

I hate to see someone as good as you wait around for the hammer to fall. If this keeps up---it is only a matter of time, believe me. 

I fought for the integrity of my marriage and have no regrets standing up to my husband and telling him, if he kept up his behavior, it would lead to true infidelity. 

Good Luck and Peace to you.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

And splitting up the dogs?? That is really sad and unnecessary. How selfish and they are sure gonna be sad without each other.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Look all I see is a man who is heartbroken and missing his wife. I think you need to step outside the spiritual aspect of this for a moment and allow yourself to be p*ssed off once in a while-- at your wife, at God, and at anyone who is facilitiating your wife's disobedience.

You know that it is okay to be angry with God don't you? It is not sacreligious. You are his child and children sometimes need to express to their parent when they are angry and do not understand why they are being put through such torture as what you are going through. 

If you have the personal relationship with God that you claim, then it is time to turn off the cell phone, turn off the computer, stop taking your wife's messages, stop responding to her and go out into the wilderness and spend time with the Creator. Tell him how angry you are at him for leading such a woman into your life, how angry you are that he has allowed this torment to infect your well being, but then tell him you understand that it is his Will and that you will submit to it, whetever the outcome.

We're here for you brother. Again, if all you want to do is rant then do so. I for one will listen.


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## gypsysaint777 (Jun 23, 2012)

Fromntos,
I feel like I can really relate to where you're coming from. My wife and I got married in 2009 (I was 22, she 21) and now, almost two and a half years later, she has decided that she wants to live 'freely' and is having an emotional affair with a coworker whom we had both been witnessing to for about 6 months.
She is just so completely deceived. We came to know each other as friends working at a Christian internship together. She knew God. In fact, she's the reason I really came to know God. But right now she's not living in His will and I know it. She distorts scripture to meet her feelings. She has idolized her happiness.
I just wanted to encourage you right now- it seems like perhaps you're in an even more stable position than me (as I do have a tendency to be naive), but like you had said, happiness is merely a feeling. "The joy of the Lord is my strength". 
Our 'wives' happiness will run out eventually. If we continue to rely on the strength of the Lord, we will mount up on wings like eagles. Their emotion of happiness will run out. Whether in a few months or after they have divorced us, they will look back and regret their actions because they will be unhappy again. We can rely on the anchor of our souls; the firm foundations through the wind and waves.
It makes no logical sense that loving, sacrificing, dedicated, Christ-loving husbands like us would have our wives leave us for scumbags. But we must remember that we have an enemy of our SOULS, who wants nothing more than to destroy our confidence in the love of God. Satan will distort and twist any and every situation he can to alter our perception of God's unfailing perfect love. What better way than to poison the relationship that is supposed to exemplify Christ's love for the church? Peter says that we must be aware of Satan because he is like a prowling lion seeking whom he may devour. 
I stand in the same place you do. I will not divorce my wife. She has emotionally cheated on me, but God sustains me, not her. I will not let her twisting of the scriptures affect me and stoop to that low. Don't let her rebellion affect your walk with Christ. He is Love. He will NEVER fail you. Don't let Satan accuse God to you. I'll be praying for you. I feel like I can because I truly understand where you're coming from.


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## unconditional_Love (Jul 10, 2012)

fromntos I know u posted a while back. I hope and Pray things are going well. I have found comfort in your situation and red it as if it were my own. I and 26 years old and coming up on my 2 year anniversary. I am In the same situation as you and it is scary how very similar our stories are. My wife has not asked me for a Divorce but is moving out this week she has been out with the crowed of single girls & even guys. and has before said she does not love me anymore. and wants to be single in the same way you described. the part about your dogs resonates with me also. I agree with everything you are saying and would only say to hold true to it. I say that because I have held the same position. It is really comforting that there is someone else who is going threw the same thing and holding the same convictions to God work as I have I am in no way perfect and have had my share of mistakes threw this in how i reacted to her lies and actions. I look at her and don't even see the person i married I love her so much and It kills me that she may have to hit rock bottom before she wakes up. she knows what is right but want the world right now and does not want the restraint of marriage or conviction of God to get in her way. I to fear the loneliness and have to cry out to god to fill the emptiness i feel with out her. and it is not easy to just let go and give it to God. I hear you about even hanging out with friends that are all married its not the same.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

unconditional_Love said:


> fromntos I know u posted a while back. I hope and Pray things are going well. I have found comfort in your situation and red it as if it were my own. I and 26 years old and coming up on my 2 year anniversary. I am In the same situation as you and it is scary how very similar our stories are. My wife has not asked me for a Divorce but is moving out this week she has been out with the crowed of single girls & even guys. and has before said she does not love me anymore. and wants to be single in the same way you described. the part about your dogs resonates with me also. I agree with everything you are saying and would only say to hold true to it. I say that because I have held the same position. It is really comforting that there is someone else who is going threw the same thing and holding the same convictions to God work as I have I am in no way perfect and have had my share of mistakes threw this in how i reacted to her lies and actions. I look at her and don't even see the person i married I love her so much and It kills me that she may have to hit rock bottom before she wakes up. she knows what is right but want the world right now and does not want the restraint of marriage or conviction of God to get in her way. I to fear the loneliness and have to cry out to god to fill the emptiness i feel with out her. and it is not easy to just let go and give it to God. I hear you about even hanging out with friends that are all married its not the same.


So unconditional_Love, has God commanded you to remain married to this woman? 

Are you a reincarnation of the Prophet Hosea who married a prostitute at God's direction just so she could cheat on him over and over to paint a picture of God's unending love for Israel? 

I would assume you would answer "no", so then I must ask why you have not filed for divorce? You have kept up your Christian obligation as a husband. Where in the Bible does it say you must remain tied to this adulteress?


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## MGM654 (Dec 16, 2012)

If his wife cheats, he cannot remarry?

Matthew 23 says differently. You entered into a blood covenant that can only be broken by blood. If she cheats or dies, you are free to remarry.

I find it ironic that Christians tell other Christians that they cannot remarry when adultery has been committed. It is instilled upon all of us to yearn for love. If he remarries, he enters a state of perpetual sin? Hmmm. Doesn't seem right. If you know Jesus, you will have peace not hopelessness. If she cheats, you are free to move on.


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