# Heart Breaking



## sadheart (Jun 9, 2009)

I have been married for almost two years. I am not sur eif this is even th right froum to be in. I needed to talk to somebody. To shorten it up a couple weeks agao my husband saw my email...some were from a guy and they were bad emails. I have a goof off at work that gets in my emails sometimes and writes under my name to people. Well my husband thinks i was cheating and I wasn't and he doesnt beleive naything I say. It is just emails. We have alwyas been happy people until a few weeks ago. Now we barely speak and we do nto even stay in the same room. All I do is cry and it is all i think about. I never worte the emails nor would I. I woudl never cheat ever. I am nto sure how to fix this or make him beleive me. I am so depressed and so upset. I am goign to see a therapist on Friday I am hoping this helps. Does anyone have any advice for me?


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I have a hard time believing this myself, so I can see why it's a problem for him. Why would you ever even let someone else do this to you? It doesn't make sense; you could lose your job, too. So, it's hard to believe. Good luck.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

The goof off at work could lose his/her job for this. He/she needs to fess up to you and your husband about what they did using your email account. If they won’t do it report them to your manager and get the company involved.


----------



## sadheart (Jun 9, 2009)

You ask why woudl I let someone do this to me..I never did. This person works in my office he woudl get under my name sometimes. I had no control over it until I found out he was doing it and changed my password which he had. It is not my fault he got in my email. He is a young immature guy and thought it would be funny . I do not find it funny.


----------



## sadheart (Jun 9, 2009)

I did ask him about it and he just laughed about it. I told my husband to call him and ask him but he doesnt want anyone else involved he said. I just have no clue what to do. We have been togther 8 years almost married 2 years. I am beyond lost right now and stressed. I never gave my husband a reason to doubt me ever. We have never had trust issues until now and it is not even my fault


----------



## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

As soon as you saw the emails, why didn't you delete them? I don't know... this seems odd to me too, and I can see why your husband might not believe you. Agree with Amplexor - report this guy to your manager.


----------



## sadheart (Jun 9, 2009)

I did delete them right away. I didnt just leave them sitting there and like I said before we never had trust issues. Ididnt care if he saw my emails. They were in the deleted folder and sent folder. Am i goign to take time and delete things out ofthere no becasue I had no reason to. I didnt have anythign tohide. Half the time I never even knew they were there nor did I check.


----------



## recent_cloud (Apr 18, 2009)

i mean no disrespect, but either you did send the emails and are too frightened to admit it, or you didn't and the young man in your office really did hijack your email account.

if you did write them and are frightened to admit it, consider that your husband right now truly believes you did write them, and so admitting the truth can only have the effect of starting you and your husband on the path to healing.

and if you didn't, you should be very angry with this young man, so angry in fact that he clearly understands he either clean up his mess and make things right with your husband or management would be involved.

your husband's logic about not wanting anyone else involved doesn''t hold up.

if i were him, i'd jump at the opportunity to talk with someone who could clear my wife of infidelity.

all said, it's clear a visit with a counselor will be very helpful.


----------



## sadheart (Jun 9, 2009)

No I am not scared to admit anything. I have never been a doshonest person ever in my life. He didnt hijack into my account. A few of us in the office have the same job..we all travel alot...not together. Me traveling causes stress at home sometimes. SOme peopel in my office need my password when i am on the road for certain things on my desktop. I have no reason to lie on here about anything. He would write people without me even knowing sometimes. I do wish my husband would call him it woudl make things so much easier but my husband claimed that I probably would prep him and tell him what to say. I am in a lose lose situation.


----------



## martino (May 12, 2008)

Sad Heart I get the feeling you are looking for people here to help you lie to yourself. Wrong forum!


----------



## recent_cloud (Apr 18, 2009)

then you need to take this to management.

and at some point your husband has to cut you a litle slack. if there's truly never been broken trust in your marriage then your husband needs to give you some benefit of the doubt.

you say you feel you're in a lose-lose situation. you are, but not because of you. 

ask your husband what you can do to prove you've not been disloyal.

how does your husband suggest you two proceed.


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

Amplexor said:


> The goof off at work could lose his/her job for this. He/she needs to fess up to you and your husband about what they did using your email account. If they won’t do it report them to your manager and get the company involved.


This sounds like the best route to take !


----------



## Dizzy (Jun 3, 2009)

What keeps you from going to the management? Your husband wants to keep it private because he believes that you cheated and that embarasses him. If you could get the management involved and get it resolved I doubt he would be angry that you got it sorted out.

Talk to the guy who wrote the emails about the problem in front of witnesses first so it doesn't turn into a he said/she said kind of thing though.


----------



## sadheart (Jun 9, 2009)

I have confronted the guy at work before about this and told him to stop. He is only 22 right out of college and he thinks dumb immature pranks are funny. I am not the only person he doe this too. He does other things to other people that are not involving emails. He is just a prankster and thinks his little games are funny to everyone. They are not though. I do agree that i shoudl be cut a little slack since I have never done anything or given reason to doubt me in the 8 years that we have been together. The way things were said in these emails and worded were things I would never say. I do not talk like that. My husband knows this. I do understand why he would question it but I put myself in his shoes and I think to myself I would beleive him SInce we have alwyas had such a strong trusting relationship. I woudl beleive him. I amhoping therapy helps me on Friday.


----------



## sadheart (Jun 9, 2009)

I agree with the comments about going to management. I am not sure how my husband would feel but i feel management is the only way to fix this problem.


----------



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Especially if this kid does things to others. Take the whole bunch of you to management.


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

sadheart said:


> I have confronted the guy at work before about this and told him to stop. He is only 22 right out of college and he thinks dumb immature pranks are funny. I am not the only person he doe this too. He does other things to other people that are not involving emails. He is just a prankster and thinks his little games are funny to everyone. QUOTE]
> 
> 
> all the more reason to go to a supervisor and let them straighten him out. If it were me, I would and if they did not
> ...


----------



## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

Turn the guy in to management. Get your co-workers that he's messed with to go too. This guy is not taking his job seriously, and is disrespecting his co-workers. That is bad for everyone, including his employer.

As for your hubby, time, counceling, and your actions will help. Even if you did no wrong, you're gonna have to earn back his trust. That isn't always easy.

Just a question: it sounds like you're saying this is a work based email account. How did your hubby see it in the first place? Was he at your work? Do you also use this account for personal stuff? Work and personal email accounts should be separate if you ask me.


----------



## sadheart (Jun 9, 2009)

I know the other co workers find what he does funny. He even played a prank on my manager and my manger thought it was hilarious. Nobody else woyld want to turn him in but me. I told my manager he was goign into my email accoutn he said change yoru password. So I did. I work with a lot of males so they all think he is funny. Well it is nto to me and it is really screwing up my life. My husbnad isnt even speaking to me right now..all i do is go hoem and cry and i feel so worthless. We are suppose to go on vacation in 2 weeks he said we are still goign but just as friends. Then he said after that we shoudl thinka bout seperating. I just wish he owudl calm down and listen to me. He wont listen to anything i have to say. its almost like he doesnt want to work it out and I will fight for us no matter what. I dont want to lose him. Also I work from home sometimes that is why my work email was open at home. we have a link to go to in order to work from home. So i do nto use work email for personnel email. I just happened to work from home that day.


----------



## psnuser12 (Oct 6, 2008)

Look... screw this guy that is playing pranks and everyone else in your office. I personally have learned a lesson to never get involved with people at work. I made friends at work and ended up being fired. Screw everybody and report this S.O.B. to all your superiors. If your immediate superior doesn't do much then go higher...

It's not funny at all when a "prank" at work effects your life outside of work. Then it's not a prank anymore, it's just wrong and cruel that he doesn't. 

And fyi I would find your story hard to believe too. I would delete none of the emails so you had something to prove. But also, why would anyone other than yourself have access or know hot to get into your own email account? There's no excuse for that. I remember having my own personaly email account through the company and never shared it with anyone for any reason... The problem with making friends at any job is because it blurs the line between friendship and coworker at work. So I would heavily advise against it.


----------



## sadheart (Jun 9, 2009)

it is very true you can't even become friends with your coworkers today


----------



## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

Sounds a bit like sexual harassment. At my job if you even hint at something inappropriate...eyebrows get raised. If the emails were sexual based and your manager thinks it's funny then his job should be on the line. I'm not one to press the issue of sexual harassment, but you don't have to be a victem. Also your husband must have seen something very bad if it made him mistrust you so much. Just what did these emails contain?


----------

