# Should I divorce my wife and leave for the other woman?



## youtubelud

My wife was my highschool sweetheart, we dated for 8 years, then married, we have been married for over 15 years. We have teenagers. I have never cheated on my wife as it should be. Always have been a family man dedicated to my children and marriage. About 4 years ago I started missing intimacy from my wife, sex was 1-2 times per month. Wife always laid there, no kisses nor real action. This started bothering me, I suggested hormones or counseling but she refused. I got to the point where this really started bothering me. I recently met another woman and became close friends with her, then something i should have never done happened. I cheated on my wife with this other woman. Now I feel am in love with the other woman, I regret doing this while am married as there's no excuse for it. But I feel this other woman gives me what I lack at home. I miss this other woman which she is leaving her guy too. What should I do, I feel like leaving my wife and marrying the other woman. I feel my wife is just a friend, but no connection or love anymore, intimacy is not there. Please advise me. My wife takes care of the home and is very trustworty and respectul. But there is no sex life, no affection. Am so confused, I don't enjoy going out with her no more. I do enjoy now the company of the other woman and spending time with her. What to do?


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## Shelly29

the new woman is just filling a void you have.... it is not going to be your answer in the end.....

you truely need to figure out if you really love your wife enough to make a change and try and work on it..but it has to be both of you being present in the relationship and putting in the effort. If she doesnt want to work on it, then you have your out....but if both want to work on it.... its worth fighting for...


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## Applepies

Sin is fun for a season, that's why we do it, initially it's fun. Then we become a slave to it. The pain you would cause your wife and children will bite you and bite hard. If you can't work on these issues with your wife, what makes you think you can make a go of it with fun gal? What if she becomes nonresponsive? Leave her for another?

You need to work on this with your wife. She needs to understand how important this is to you. Maybe she is going through the change and her hormones are upside down. She may need more attention to get her in the mood, why not research ways to make the experience more exciting? 

Oh, and get tested for STDs. Immediately.


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## Laydee

You are being selfish, you should talk to your wife first, sex is important to the marriage but I dont think it'll be that important to leave your wife, you said your wife is respectful but I doubt you find her respectful bec. what you're doing right now doesn't respect her or the marriage you have. Please make up your mind, you'll regret the wrong choices you will make one day if you continue this.


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## COGypsy

What you have to remember is that your relationship with the other woman is a fantasy. You get to do nothing but have good times together. The washing machine doesn't flood, the kids aren't screaming sick all night and nobody's working crazy hours because it's your busy season or whatever. It's basically naked Disneyland  So what happens when time and reality infringes on the happy times you've got going with this new woman? Then you'll need the next new, fun thing. 

No one can tell you what the right answer is for your marriage, but I would tell you this for sure: If you leave your wife and family, do it because you haven't been able to make your marriage work and because it's over. DON'T leave simply because the other woman is and with the intention of going right to her. Deal with your marriage. Take a break and get _your_ head on straight and *then* decide if you and this other person are really compatible for a long term relationship. 

If you're the family man you feel you are, that's the way to do it. Deal with your responsibilities now instead of "trading up" and leaving the wreckage to sort itself out.


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## NRG

Youtube, you need to break off the affair, and work on work marriage.


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## Quantumfilament

Youtube. Take some advice from someone that knows exactly, precisely what you are saying. I have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. Incredibly exciting at first, i married mine and now we are separating 9 years on. Result, broken families, unbelievable heartache for everyone involved, massive feelings of guilt, disturbed kids psychologies, financially challenged for years, and in the end you are back where you started. 

If it is only the sex that is bad then you can work on it together or with a counsellor. Take her away for a weekend without the kids, be romantic, wine and dine her, give her hugs and kisses without expecting sex back, women want intimacy not particularly sex, some of them never really enjoy it but the closeness gives them pleasure.

If you leave for the other women I guarantee that sometime in the future you will regret your decision big time!


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## sbbs

I agree with *COGypsy*. (And I like the description of your affair as "naked Disneyland.")

The fact that your wife stopped being physically intimate with you is a symptom of other problems the two of you have. You're probably better off if you break it off with the OW and make a serious attempt (probably with counseling) to improve things with your wife.


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## drsparkle

i wonder if all men do regret it in the end?
Does the guilt they have for having an affair go away?
When they are in the Fog of the affair do they feel guilty then?


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## Jellybeans

drsparkle said:


> i wonder if all men do regret it in the end?
> Does the guilt they have for having an affair go away?
> When they are in the Fog of the affair do they feel guilty then?


It depends on the man/cheater. Some never experience guilt. Some never forgive themselves. Some never regret it, some live to regret it til the day they die. 

While in the "fog"--the guilt isn't as pronounced (if it's even there) as when they are out of it and finally able to see the damage/destruction as a result of the A.


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## NotaGoodSlave

youtubelud said:


> My wife was my highschool sweetheart, we dated for 8 years, then married, we have been married for over 15 years. We have teenagers. I have never cheated on my wife as it should be. Always have been a family man dedicated to my children and marriage. About 4 years ago I started missing intimacy from my wife, sex was 1-2 times per month. Wife always laid there, no kisses nor real action. This started bothering me, I suggested hormones or counseling but she refused. I got to the point where this really started bothering me. I recently met another woman and became close friends with her, then something i should have never done happened. I cheated on my wife with this other woman. Now I feel am in love with the other woman, I regret doing this while am married as there's no excuse for it. But I feel this other woman gives me what I lack at home. I miss this other woman which she is leaving her guy too. What should I do, I feel like leaving my wife and marrying the other woman. I feel my wife is just a friend, but no connection or love anymore, intimacy is not there. Please advise me. My wife takes care of the home and is very trustworty and respectul. But there is no sex life, no affection. Am so confused, I don't enjoy going out with her no more. I do enjoy now the company of the other woman and spending time with her. What to do?


I fully encourage you to divorce your wife in the pursit of an active and satisfying sex life. Your wife is "dead in bed" and nothing will ever bring her back to life. The condition is terminal.

I strongly discourage you from making any type of commitment to the woman you are currently having extra-marital sex with, or any other woman you have sex with in the future. Being untruthful to them about making a commitment in order to get then into bed is acceptable (and encouraged.......).

Your primary goal moving forward post-divorce should be to have as many different sexual encounters with as many different women as is humanly possible.


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## 4reeel

Yes, well as a man who's been in a sexless marriage for a couple of decades now because my loving wife actually told me to have as many different sexual encounters with as many different women as I want, I am in the situation where it wouldn't make sense for me to divorce. 

The reason for the sexlessness is a medical one on her part, but the solution she offered to me when I told her I wanted a divorce has its own problems. The problem is that no matter which woman you have sex with, they all want you to divorce, of course. The thing is, every woman I met through an online dating site knew that I was married before we actually met in person. I've had sex with some of them, which is just a temporary release. It's not a satisfying thing. 

Maybe I should get a divorce. This will be hard, because I don't want to cause pain to my wife, but living with her is like living with my sister, except my wife is one of the nicest people I have ever known. And she is happy for me to have sex with other women because she is unable to. 

But the important message here is that you should make sure you really, really have finished with your marriage before you look for sex elsewhere. Our marriage has been sexless for a couple of decades, until I couldn't stand being celibate any more. At least you've got a starting point where she's still willing to have sex with you at least once or twice a month. Work on that. I'm only considering divorce because we never have sex and never will.


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## aine

4 year old thread.......


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## DanielleBennett

How do you know that these feelings for this other woman aren't just lust and sexual? I would come clean to your wife for cheating (shame on you) and see fi you two can go to counseling for a while to try and rekindle things. Fix things that are broken, don't just leave because the sex hasn't been as good. A good marriage and love isn't all about the sex, just a part of it. However, I do understand how you feel and if you two can get to the root of the problem then maybe it can be fixed. If nothing works then parting ways may be best. But when you do come clean, you know you will have to, she may never trust you again and may not want to be married anymore anyway. Or maybe it would be motivation for her to go to counseling with you.


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## DanielleBennett

aine said:


> 4 year old thread.......


Well crap, why was this thread bumped in the first place? Now all of my good advice was a waste lol thanks for pointing that out.


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