# Roblems with my husband, need advice!!



## Heartbroken123 (Dec 16, 2014)

Hello everyone,

So my husband and I got in a bad fight last Sunday that brought up a lot of hurt feelings. My husband basically said he didn't feel the same about me anymore and he was really confused about his current feeling. We been together for 9 years, we met when he was 18 and I was 19. We have discussed what we want to do everyday this week and sometimes he tells me he wants to work on us and other days he wakes up feeling different. He always hugs me and kisses me like he loves me but he says he sometimes feels like his not inlove with me. I'm not the type of women that will force him to stay and if he wants out then it will be the hards thing I'll ever go through loosing him, because his a great husband and father. Now my question is for some reason even though we are going through this we having way more sex than ever before (weird I know) but 2 times we had unprotected sex and although he didn't finish in me, I think I was ovulating. I would have loved to have a baby with him but the day after we had sex he said he was still so confused so I went and bought the plan b pill (morning after pill) and i took it. Now I dont know what to do, whether I should tell him or not. I want to tell him because I tell him everything but with what we are going through I feel like he will resent me and make things worse. I need some advice, should I just keep this to myself?


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

Honestly, my husband and I also got into a fight that blew up into *exactly* this, and it turned out he was cheating on me. I'd be less concerned about discussing birth control and more worried about why your husband can't make up his mind about his lifelong commitment, who is waiting in the wings, and why you are having sex with someone who can't give you a straight answer about your relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Heartbroken123 (Dec 16, 2014)

That's exactly what I keep thinking. I have asked him varies times if there's some else and he assures me there is not. I told him that if he is starting to have feeling for someone else just to tell me that I won't be mad but he says no. He says the my insecurities have pushed him away. He says that it's mostly him, we have so many plans and he feels like he can provide like he would like to. He even said he feels like dead weight. We had come to an agreement that we would wear our wedding rings until we knew it was completely over and yesterday I noticed he wasn't wearing his and he said he took it off cause went to his moms house to help her out with some house work. I told him when he planned to put it back on and he said he didn't know if he wanted to THATS when I realized the only thing he was sure about us is us having sex practically everyday and i got out of bed and went straight to buy the morning after pill.. He says he wants to work on things and then he doesn't know. I feel like we are stuck in limbo and I have tried to think of anything possible but I can't do it all on my own. It's sucks that this is happening during the holidays and I have to put up a front to the kids and everyone.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Stop having sex with him. If he cannot commit to you, doesn't know how he feels, isn't wearing his ring - why should he get to have sex with you?

Respect yourself enough to say "no". If he wants to work on the marriage then he should be dating and spending time with you, not taking off his ring.

As for the birth control. I wouldn't tell him. You probably weren't even pregnant so what would be the point?

Yes, like the other poster said, start doing more things on your own, go out, spend time with friends, get a hobby, go to the gym.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you two want to get that loving feeling back, ask him for a 6 months commitment.

Get the book "His Needs, Her Needs". If the tow of you read the book and do what it says to do ... do it together... you can rebuild the passion in your relationship.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Heartbroken123 said:


> That's exactly what I keep thinking. I have asked him varies times if there's some else and he assures me there is not. I told him that if he is starting to have feeling for someone else just to tell me that I won't be mad but he says no. He says the my insecurities have pushed him away. He says that it's mostly him, we have so many plans and he feels like he can provide like he would like to. He even said he feels like dead weight. We had come to an agreement that we would wear our wedding rings until we knew it was completely over and yesterday I noticed he wasn't wearing his and he said he took it off cause went to his moms house to help her out with some house work. I told him when he planned to put it back on and he said he didn't know if he wanted to THATS when I realized the only thing he was sure about us is us having sex practically everyday and i got out of bed and went straight to buy the morning after pill.. He says he wants to work on things and then he doesn't know. I feel like we are stuck in limbo and I have tried to think of anything possible but I can't do it all on my own. It's sucks that this is happening during the holidays and I have to put up a front to the kids and everyone.


There is a good chance he is cheating.

How does he behave with his phone? Is it password protected? Does he keep on him or near him at all times?

Have you checked the phone bill to see if he is talking and/or texting someone a lot.


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## Heartbroken123 (Dec 16, 2014)

He's phone is password protected but I know the password, on thankgiving I caught him deleting a text message but he swore that it was a text message from his cousin telling him something very private. I told him I won't believe him until he showed me the statements since he works for his cell provider he said he called to get the statements and they told him since his paperless they could not give it to him that he would need a notorized letter in order to obtain them, which sounds like a bunch of bull but I gave him the benefit of the doubt since I really didn't have any other reason to believe that his cheating.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Heartbroken123 said:


> He's phone is password protected but I know the password, on thankgiving I caught him deleting a text message but he swore that it was a text message from his cousin telling him something very private. I told him I won't believe him until he showed me the statements since he works for his cell provider he said he called to get the statements and they told him since his paperless they could not give it to him that he would need a notorized letter in order to obtain them, which sounds like a bunch of bull but I gave him the benefit of the doubt since I really didn't have any other reason to believe that his cheating.


He is lying about the statements. If it is paperless, then he can download them from his account online.

All of my accounts, to include accounts with 3 cell phone companies, are paperless. I down load them every month.

Further, if the notarized letter story is was true... then I can get a notarized letter. That's easy.

Do you want to find out if he is cheating? After this bit of info, it sounds like he is.


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## Heartbroken123 (Dec 16, 2014)

JustHer said:


> Stop having sex with him. If he cannot commit to you, doesn't know how he feels, isn't wearing his ring - why should he get to have sex with you?
> 
> Respect yourself enough to say "no". If he wants to work on the marriage then he should be dating and spending time with you, not taking off his ring.
> 
> ...


 




I came to that realization today, I though that spicing things up a bit would help but that's basically all we've really worked on. I'm starting feel like he only says those things cause that's what I want to hear and then the next morning its different. He gives me kiss on the cheek before he leaves to work like wtf??? I'm a strong women and I will not be played a fool. I'm not having sex with him anymore if he can't man up and figure this thing out. It's not fair to me. I actually went out with my sister this weekend and it felt good to get away and not feel consumed with just my husband and kids.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Heartbroken123 said:


> He's phone is password protected but I know the password, on thankgiving I caught him deleting a text message but he swore that it was a text message from his cousin telling him something very private. I told him I won't believe him until he showed me the statements since he works for his cell provider he said he called to get the statements and they told him since his paperless they could not give it to him that he would need a notorized letter in order to obtain them, which sounds like a bunch of bull but I gave him the benefit of the doubt since I really didn't have any other reason to believe that his cheating.


*cough* Bullsh*t!

Who is his cell provider (Verizon, Sprint, etc)?

What kind of phone does he use?

Do you know the password for his primary e-mail account?


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## Heartbroken123 (Dec 16, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> He is lying about the statements. If it is paperless, then he can download them from his account online.
> 
> All of my accounts, to include accounts with 3 cell phone companies, are paperless. I down load them every month.
> 
> ...



Ok I did a quick research and i found that with Sprint you can't view text message numbers online only calls. Which is pretty dumb. This is so frustrating cause if he is cheating I'm gonna have to really dig to find out if he won't tell me.


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## Heartbroken123 (Dec 16, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> *cough* Bullsh*t!
> 
> Who is his cell provider (Verizon, Sprint, etc)?
> 
> ...





It's Sprint! I just did a little research and it does state that you can't see text message numbers online only call logs. Yes I do have access to him email, credit cards, bank accts and I've checks and nothing out of the ordinary.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Heartbroken123 said:


> Ok I did a quick research and i found that with Sprint you can't view text message numbers online only calls. Which is pretty dumb. This is so frustrating cause if he is cheating I'm gonna have to really dig to find out if he won't tell me.


Most people who cheat use their car as a private phone booth. They usually talk to the affair partner going to and from work, and while doing any other driving around.

Get a VAR (voice activated recorder). If you can afford 2, get 2.

Get adhesive back Velcro. Use the Velcro to adhere the VAR on a hidden surface... like up under the front seat on the springs. You can swap it out with the 2nd VAR every day or 2. This way you always have one in the car and you can listen to the one you just took out of the car.


Just to show you what I'm talking about, here is a link.

voice activated digital recorder - Best Buy

If you hear anything disturbing, do not confront him right away. You will need a plan.. because no matter what is on the recording he will lie, and attack you verbally for recording him. So if you get anything on the VAR come here and we can help you plan a confrontation.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Heartbroken123 said:


> It's Sprint! I just did a little research and it does state that you can't see text message numbers online only call logs. Yes I do have access to him email, credit cards, bank accts and I've checks and nothing out of the ordinary.


Eh... I'm still not convinced that that's correct.

What kind of phone does he use? iPhone? Android? Windows? Blackberry?


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## Heartbroken123 (Dec 16, 2014)

He has an android


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Here is a thread that might help you...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


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## Heartbroken123 (Dec 16, 2014)

Thank you that tread will definitely help me get to the bottom of this


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