# Emotional addiction and technology.....



## Aeroscott

I have been with my girlfriend for nearly two years. It came out very early on that she had an emotional addiction issue. She admitted to several Internet and cell phone/text "flings" just as we started seeing each other.

She received some counseling at the beginning of our relationship but it didn't deal with that issue so much. It was more about co-dependency at that point and dealing with her previous marriage.

She admitted to on-line sexual flings and "mini relationships" via phone and text. 

Fast forward to a year and a half into our relationship and an old from from high school pops up on facebook and in a very short period of time she was engaged in all kinds of inappropriate behavior with him. It was essentially a budding romance via cell phone and facebook. It even got to the point where she dropped her child at her parents house and was on her way to his house, and she stopped herself, but ending meeting him in public for coffee instead. 

The communications rose to the level of a few pics exchanged between the two fo them and some phone sex. It's very much an established pattern for her. 

Her ex husband was abusive and an alcoholic, and I think with the advent of all the available social technology it was an escape from reality for her. But now it's so engrained she seems to not be able to control it. 

She has the typical low self esteem issues that are so prevalent these days. She is co-dependent etc... 

She has come clean about a lot of this last episode and we are now seeing a psychiatrist. We see him individually and together. And she is being more honest and open than ever before. But who knows what's being left out.

I am completely crushed by all of this. I now suffer from depression, and I'm just absolutely heartbroken. But I find strength and have agreed to stay and do the work she seems to be willing to do. She says she loves me and wants to be with me, that I am the true love of her life. I have grown close to her daughter and we have been through a lot as a couple. Much of it good things.

The therapy industry has yet to really tacklenthis issue of technology and it's role with people who have this issue. I think any of the things computer or phone based that harm relationships is killing so many relationships. And no one is really addressing it really. You only get people like me who are desperate for answers, and help. The alcoholic can put down the bottle. But the emotional addict is not likely to give up computers and cell phones.

There will forever be the ability to privately and secretly communicate from now. In ways that didn't exist 15-20 years ago.

I'm so conflicted. I love her and want to be supportive if she is really dealing with this stuff openly and continues to. But I feel such an urge to protect myself as well. I don't know if I can survive another episode like I described above.

I know there are millions out there in my shoes. Has anyone survived this new brand of infidelity? Is there hope, or am I an idiot for staying in this relationship?


Thanks
Scott
:scratchhead:


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## Aeroscott

I should clarify that although she is currently my girlfriend/fiancé. We are planning to get married. And we just found out she is pregnant. I know this forum is a discussing marriages. But this just seemed a more appropriate place to discuss this, since we are close to marriage.


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## Maneo

The technology is just another means to the end for those who suffer many psychological and personality problems such as the ones you mentioned. Getting rid of the technology won't solve the problem. Counseling.


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## Aeroscott

I agree. It's more about the added temptation while trying to deal with an already known problem. It just exaggerates things, and makes it harder to stay on a good track.


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## Maneo

The pregnancy adds another layer of complexity but I would be wary of marriage unless/until she can focus on you above any others and you are certain of her feelings for you.


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## Shoto1984

The attention/sex/technology addiction is very real. Internet websites are designed to give you positive feedback and keep you looking at them as long as possible. Add in the positive hit your brain gets from sexual attention and you have a very powerful combination. There is a lot talk about men and porn addiction. In my case it was my wife and her internet / online boyfriend addiction. Between texting and sex chat on Facehook she was at it almost every waking moment. I believe she is also a Borderline Personality Disorder type. I was willing to deal with the BPD part but when it came to the addition I have her a choice between our family and that. She chose her addiction. Any others had similar experiences?

To the OP...maybe my experience will be of some value to you...


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