# I'm Crazy... Embarrassing Situation



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

A little background - for those who don't already know...

*I was molested as a child. 
*Spent five years with ex, the last two of which I experienced near daily beatings and sexual assaults.
*History of anxiety, panic and depressive episodes.
*History of long-standing physical pain due to numerous auto accidents, motorcycle accident, and violent beatings by former bf.
*Two months Post-Partum.
*Married to Narcissistic, Passive Aggressive who "compliments" my role as a Co-Dependent.


RANT: 


Last night.

Started well, a little tension from yesterday's news about ex. Husband and I ended up making love, and afterwards we were wrestling. After a time I wasn't sure if this was "fun" or "serious" anymore. Husband slaps me on the face. He had me pinned down at this point. Talk about flashbacks.  

All hell breaks loose. Later when we talked he says that he intended to be playful only, but immediately upon seeing my reaction, (I got upset), he became nasty. Blame-shifted, changed the subject, (of course! What about the time I did this or did that?)  interrupted me when I was speaking, and alternated between stone-walling and blatantly insulting me. At one point he said he wanted to talk and make things right, then turned right around and called me a b!tch - this was unprovoked (I actually said "okay", turned to face him and he said, "why don't you quit being a b!tch") extremely upsetting to me.

Several times I begged for truce. I begged for him to just hold me and to quit putting me down. He resisted as if I had the plague. 

We scream/fight/rage into the morning. I allowed his gaslighting and crazy-making to push me over the edge. I cried inconsolably for hours while he picked me apart, criticized my every word, he was so hostile and nasty, so unloving, full of threats to do this and that, he attacked my character repeatedly and all I wanted was for him to say he was sorry. 

Oh, he apologized alright - it was snide, rude, he glared at me and used the most condescending tone he could muster - then says "Well, I apologized. Get over it".

By the time we were done it felt like I really had no right to be upset with him after he slapped me, playfully or not. He knows I was physically abused by my ex. He knows all the physical and emotional pain I went through, how DARE him!!!

I take responsibility for my screaming and crying. I own my actions, and am embarrassed by them, especially this morning when our neighbor decided to call and ask if we were alright.

Husband is an angel. The sane one. The calm one. He will go to neighbor's house tonight to drink, smoke pot and "clear the air". Obviously he will feel vindicated once he flaunts my past and inability to control my emotions beyond a certain point. 

Today everything is my fault. I had the episode and I shouldn't have gotten so upset. I feel husband needs to clear the air with me before devoting his energy destroying me in other people's eyes.

Husband takes no accountability for his actions or words. I am freaking lost.

I know I have issues. I also know that he has issues, but at this point, I'm being painted as the sole one causing problems. I know that I need help for my anxiety, it seems as though it is getting worse and worse and husband thinks I should just "grow up". This is such an insult when I DO try to talk to my husband in a calming manner (I admit, after the initial shock and upset), and letting him know I was upset before all this escalated. I own that I did not stay calm after several hours of dealing with his crap. I just wasn't able to control or contain my emotions anymore. I was incredibly frustrated.

At one point I wanted to leave. I haven't left the house in weeks, except maybe to go to the store, and then it's "real quick" because he doesn't want to be alone with baby for very long. He accused me of wanting to abandon my child even though I just wanted some space to cool off. Then came the insults. I'm a bad mother. I'm insane. Etc. Etc.

I'm in a lot of emotional turmoil today and unsure of what to do with myself. I can't sleep. I just keep sitting on my hands at the edge of the bed, full of tension, depression and tears. 

I know I need to leave. Easier said than done.   
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CaitlynCat (Jun 1, 2012)

I'm no rocket scientist but girl, it sounds to me like you've entered a new realm of abuse: Verbal/emotional. How you proceed is your choice but you must know your never going to heal from your past until you get in a place in life in which you are no longer subjected to such things. My thoughts are with you.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Wow... I often look at my situation with frustration, but then I read stories like yours, and it makes me realize that I really am lucky. I'm not saying that to be condescending, please don't take it that way...

The relationship you are describing is not one that a child should be raised in... Unfortunately, your husband needs to grow up out of his pot smoking, drinking childhood, which it does not sound like is ever going to happen. I'm pretty sure I remember you leaving for your sisters a while back? Maybe just before the baby was born? I may have posters mixed, so forgive me if that's the case. 

I don't think things can get better when one person in the relationship is intent on only their needs being meet... And that's happening here with him. I can't tell you what's best for you, but I do wish you safety and rational thought so you can decide what you need to do and act on it.


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## CaitlynCat (Jun 1, 2012)

Also, have you spoken with your OBGYN about post-partum depression? Do you take any medications to help with pre-existing issues? Are you breast feeding which might prevent you from being able to take said meds? There are so many variables.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

No longer breast-feeding. My baby ended up in the hospital, (not sick), just after not gaining ANY weight in 7 weeks. Turns out I wasn't making enough milk for her (another blow to the ego), and she has severe reflux so she's on a special formula now. Had such severe anxiety in the hospital even the nurses suggest I seek treatment for it. Have yet to set up an appointment, and even when I do, I'm not sure what to say... I'm crazy? 

Missed two post-partum appointments after my rides fell through. No longer have my own vehicle to get me around. Husband rarely lets me use his.

Human - yes, before daughter was born I left for my sister's. That time I was only gone one night after becoming severely ill - my sister called my husband from the hospital and I returned home with him then. I also went to my sister's after the baby was born and stayed a week. At that point husband convinced me to go back home. Not wanting to bash my husband - he can be a really wonderful person... Like me, we all have our problems. 

Today we aren't speaking much to each other. The co-dependent in me desperately wants a truce and for the punishment to stop. It has been difficult for me to learn to let go. My mind is rampant. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Yin, sweetie, what you just described is verbal and emotional abuse. While you are, I am quite certain, still emotional due to being post partum, your husband has no right speaking to you in that manner. I know, we are only getting your side. But based on what you have said, he abused you. He knows of your physical abuse in the past and it seems he knew you would have triggered, based on his reaction TO the trigger. This really is no place to raise a child. He is questioning your character, making you second guess yourself. You and the baby need to get out of there, now. I'm not telling you to divorce him. But there are a LOT of things that need to be fixed. Not just in yourself, but him as well. Ordinarily, I wouldn't advocate moving out in order to fix a marriage... but he is abusing you. THAT needs to be addressed first. If he is allowed to continue, your child will see it as the "normal" way of relationships... Don't let that happen.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This is not PPD. This is the life when living with a narcissist. my older daughter's father was exactly this way...it NEVER got better. Well, it got better when I finally got my shet together and left him.

I'm so sorry, Yin, that you are here. Your husband hasn't really changed though, has he? I vaguely remember posts about him before the baby came. This sounds no different, except now he can hurt you with mommy guilt.

It won't stop until you make it stop and it's very difficult when you feel so beaten down and stuck. I have been there, I know the pain and fear.

 I just don't want you to think that this will get better with time. It won't...unless he admits his issues and get helps, which he won't because most narcissists never do. THEY are always right...it's you who has the problem. Oh hell, how many times did I hear that? My ex had me convinced I was insane.  I was nowhere near insane. I just have feelings...something many narcissists are not in tune with of their own.

The slap would make anyone angry. Playful or not, a slap in the face is just rude. You didn't over react...and since your husband knows your past, he's a jerk for even going there.

I don't have any real advice, other than getting help for yourself so you can see reality and know your self worth. Don't bother working on him or trying to figure him out--- it won't matter or help.

But take care of you and that precious baby girl. She needs a strong mommy. That was my push...I wanted my daughter to see the real me! Not the beaten down, piece of blah that I was when I was with him. I was not ok for a few years after getting out, but once the fear and blame that was always put apon me was lifted off my shoulders, I felt loads better.

 **hugs**


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And don't feel bad about breastfeeding. She got your colostrum which is awesome. I flowed like a river with my first and with my 2nd, I didn't produce anything and she ended up in the ER (and a week in the hospital at a week old) with dehydration. NO GUILT! we do the best we can. <3


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well that was terrible!!

You need a strategy for dealing with things when they go down this road. The one that works the best is for you just get away from him. By you further engaging him verbally, you open yourself for his abuse I’m not saying that it’s your fault. I’m saying it takes two. 
Here’s how it works.
Tell him that he was out of line last night. You have owned up to your part in it. But he is 100% responsible for his verbal abuse of you and his part in it. Tell him that you will no longer play this game. That the next time things start to go downhill you will go to a quiet room until the both of you calm down.

When things get out of hand tell him “STOP”, put up your hand in the gesture for ‘stop’. If he continues just calmly repeat “STOP” and do the stop gesture again. Then walk away to another room where you can be by yourself or with your child. Close the does and get some quiet time until you calm down.

If he bothers you, follows you, continues to yell at you call 911 and ask for help. If he hits you, let them arrest him and get a restraining order so he cannot return to your house. Let him be the one who has to find a new place to live.

It takes two to argue/fight. He was having a tantrum that you were the audience he needed.

When my son was in his terrible two’s he threw a lot of fits. I noticed that if I left the room while he was throwing a tantrum he stopped and got up off the floor (where he was kicking and screaming). After a few minutes he’d come to the room I was in get back on the floor and start the kicking and screaming again. It seems that the tantrum was no fun without an audience.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i ageree, you need tpo leave from that situation.
any kind fof abuse has nom place in a marriage. period.
and this is abuse.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

But repeat after me: *I am not crazy.*

Say that to yourself EVERY DAY. Multiple times. I can't begin to stress how important it is that you DO NOT believe him when he says you are crazy. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.

That's just his way of invalidating your feelings and making you second guess yourself.

UGH! This just threw me back to when I was with that guy. Best thing I ever did was leave. Not saying that is the answer for you, however. When my ex and i talk (about our daughter), I see he has never changed. It was only in the past 2 years that he has calmed down and stopped his tantrums (oh yes, the tantrums were HUGE when he didn't get his way with our child...but I learned to just hang up on his stupid ass). 

But please, believe NOTHING of what he says when he's trying to beat you down (verbally). HE is the one with the complex that he's trying to put on you.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I know about narcissists. My mother is one...and all my men before Hubs were narcissists. They are the people that "inside are awesome"...but...that inside is shown few and far between.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

TG - thank you for your kind words. Not sure which way is up right now. 

Ele - I wish I had the presence of mind then to just walk away. At one point I grabbed the car keys and said I was leaving. He rushed me and said "not with my car, you're not" and forcibly removed them from me. He has martial arts training and is very strong despite his size. I remember briefly trying to go downstairs to use the bathroom and shower, (I was sweating profusely and I'm pretty sure I peed myself a little (very embarrassing to admit). Again he started with the comments, "okay, just abandon your daughter" and the like. I allowed him to just reel me back in. It DOES take two to fight, and I'm aware of the push-pull dynamic that was happening. When he shut down, I had the tantrum. When I shut down, he had the tantrum. Neither one of us was at our best by any means.

My saving grace? I recorded nearly an hour of the fight on my cell phone. Many times you can hear me saying that I just wanted to talk like adults and resolve it. Each time I'd get calm and try to talk, he'd work even harder with his mindfvcks to bring me back to my crazy state. And I let him. 

My husband works for and supports all of us on his own. I know it's hard for him. I know that.  I feel so guilty all of the time because I can't work, or there would be obstacles to work, and I'm pretty sure I'm not mentally stable for it anyhow. 

I try my best to support him and I tell him everyday when he comes home, "I appreciate all you do for us". Literally. He never comes home and appreciates my contribution. He never thanks me for caring for our daughter or the little bit of housework I may get done. I know it seems like I don't do much, but he has no idea how demanding an infant is - or how hard it is to be couped up 24/7. I feel isolated and alone. 

Not making excuses for him, though. He DID know this would be a trigger for me... In the beginning of our relationship he'd playfully slap me (and at that time I was aware that it was play), and after incidents even then, I finally told him, (even though it should have been obvious), that the slapping brought back bad feelings and memories. He never did it again until last night. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that baby should be where she can grow in a healthy inviromnment


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I agree, 2nd. I feel pretty ashamed that she was present much of the time, even though she was sound asleep. (For once - this baby never sleeps)! LoL!

I hate when my husband holds her and says things like, "I'm sorry baby, only one of us is here" or "I can only do so much, I'm only one person", etc. He's definitely trying to mess with me and I fear what her subconscious will generate. I even told him last night that he should try to handle things WITH me as a PARTNER, so that when she grows up she won't be married to someone who hurts her.

Of course, he sees that statement as a manipulative control trip. Really not! I'm really concerned about providing a healthy example of marriage to her! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> TG - thank you for your kind words. Not sure which way is up right now.
> 
> Ele - I wish I had the presence of mind then to just walk away. At one point I grabbed the car keys and said I was leaving. He rushed me and said "not with my car, you're not" and forcibly removed them from me. He has martial arts training and is very strong despite his size. I remember briefly trying to go downstairs to use the bathroom and shower, (I was sweating profusely and I'm pretty sure I peed myself a little (very embarrassing to admit). Again he started with the comments, "okay, just abandon your daughter" and the like. I allowed him to just reel me back in. It DOES take two to fight, and I'm aware of the push-pull dynamic that was happening. When he shut down, I had the tantrum. When I shut down, he had the tantrum. Neither one of us was at our best by any means.
> 
> ...


if you need to leave and get away fro a little bit from his abuse, why should you feel bsad for leaving the baby with him?
she is as much his responsibility as yours. wtf.
the car is as much yours as his anf if you need to gewt out for a few then you should certain ly be able to. once he even touched you, you should have called the police.
no man *EVER* has any reason to touch a woman other than just enough to restrain her if need be and i donrt see that in this case.

you should nbot feel bad for staying home with thew baby and taking care of the house,
if his job affords that, that is whatr you should be doing.
nobody better to take care of the child in infsncy as a parent.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh wow. He has martial arts training?

HA! My ex has a 2nd degree black belt in Kung Fu.

.......hm....


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> I agree, 2nd. I feel pretty ashamed that she was present much of the time, even though she was sound asleep. (For once - this baby never sleeps)! LoL!
> 
> I hate when my husband holds her and says things like, "I'm sorry baby, only one of us is here" or "I can only do so much, I'm only one person", etc. He's definitely trying to mess with me and I fear what her subconscious will generate. I even told him last night that he should try to handle things WITH me as a PARTNER, so that when she grows up she won't be married to someone who hurts her.
> 
> ...


im sorry yin, this just is not a situation you need to be in, by yourself and especially with you child.
head back to you siusters if you can and dont let him threaten you or sweet talk you again.
either way, i would sasy the same. you need to get out of that situation


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You know he does this so he can be "right" about you being crazy.

Don't allow it. I don't know how I can say that though, because I allowed it. All the time.

But now I know...You can NEVER win a fight with a narcissist. Ever. You will NEVER win. Even if you do win, you never win.

There's not enough wit, knowledge or expertise in communication that can get through to a narcissist when they want to make you feel crazy. No joke.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

He's a narcissist? Omg you need to get out ASAP. 

My father is one so sadly I'm familiar with how they operate. I'm so very sorry.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

The more I read, the more I think you just need to get out of this.

  

My ex had me convinced I was a bad mother. When I left, he played the "victim" role and people hated me for leaving him. lol. Fools. The lot of them. The only one who didn't say a THING was his mother....cause she knew how he was. He treats her the same way.

It won't happen overnight (knowing up from down) but with some inner work on yourself, it will get clearer by the day...but you can't keep playing the cycle. I KNOW how hard that is because he knows how to push your buttons.

What he is saying to your daughter is also abuse. To you and her. I remember my ex saying to our 2 year old, "look how crazy mommy is! She's nuts!" and my 2 year old would laugh and say, "Mommy's NUTS!"  *******.

Don't let it get to that point. You are worth so much more. You life means something and I can't repeat enough: YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Might I add, my ex was also the 'breadwinner'. I had nothing. I was still in school for teaching. I waited 6 months until i was working for a few months so I could save money, and I took out a loan so I could put first a last months down on an apartment. What is your financial situation and career situation?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Thank you, TG. I think I'm starting to realize - it's either cope and accept him as he is, (no longer ask for change or improvement), or move on and start my life over AGAIN - this time with a baby. It's a terrifying thought. 

Ugh why is it the more I read from you guys, the more I want to defend him?! I really am nuts.

I noticed another thing he does is use my past to administer low-blows and exonerate himself. He knows that I am somtimes unstable and trying my best to mediate myself without drugs. (Obvious reasons - if I have pills he will take them).

Even though he's still moody I still try to play the "fixer".  

I told him last night that everything I used to love about him is no longer present in him, at least from what I can tell. More guilt trips. Starting to see through them at this point, TG. Thank you for being a wonderful insight. I'm feeling like I've surpassed many triggers in the last few minutes alone. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

The thing is...at least it was for me...I wanted to feel validated. I craved validation and acceptance. I wanted that from my mate. What he thought of me matter to me SO MUCH. Why? Because I was craving the same thing from my mother...and ever other man who treated me like crap.

The thing about that though, you'll NEVER get the validation and acceptance you seek from him. You'll never be 'good enough' or 'smart enough' or 'sane enough' to satisfy his need to keep you down. He MUST keep you down to fulfill his desire to feel powerful and important. Once you find your "self" and your voice, he no longer will have that power. He will no longer have that importance that he feels he has.

I don't mean yelling and screaming when i say your "voice". I mean, your strength. When he says you are crazy, say nothing. Do not react. LET HIM REACT. No response. 

I suggest looking this up online. Look up how to deal with a narcissist and how to communicate with a narcissist. It will give better techniques.

But this is your life as long as you stay in this. The fear of leaving is strong, I know. But until you take that risk, this is your life. You can't control him, you can only control yourself. Work on yourself. I can't stress that enough. Get out of the fog he's put you in and see the reality. He has a serious mental issue. But that's not your problem. Your problem is getting your head straight and getting out of the crazy-making that is your relationship.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

My financial situation - no longer working. Quit my job in December because my body was getting more difficult to be in, after the last car accident, (that totalled his Camry on the freeway).

Schooling and work are extremely difficult for me because I suffer misophonia... But I have been successful in holding down night jobs in the past, as this limited my contact with people.

Thinking I want to contact my last boss an ask her if I can return. I really enjoyed my employment, the people I worked with were fantastic, and it was only a few days a week. I would feel bad about working another night job and having hubby care for our daughter in the middle of the night when he has to work the next morning.

Mom and sis are too far away to provide free childcare... :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Oh wow. He has martial arts training?
> 
> HA! My ex has a 2nd degree black belt in Kung Fu.
> 
> .......hm....


LoL! Looks like we have a lot in common with our exes... Scary lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BlindSide (Sep 12, 2011)

that_girl said:


> The only one who didn't say a THING was his mother....cause she knew how he was. He treats her the same way.


I've noticed that most men tend to treat their mothers how they would treat there wives. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.



YinPrincess said:


> I hate when my husband holds her and says things like, "I'm sorry baby, only one of us is here" or "I can only do so much, I'm only one person", etc. He's definitely trying to mess with me and I fear what her subconscious will generate.


Wow. That is amazing. Not only his he trying to get you to go bonkers so he can look like the good guy, but he's already prepping your daughter for parental alienation.

Parental Alienation Syndrome

I know about this narcissistic personality disorder from my father-in-law. My husband has been through so much crap with him. It doesn't get better. I'd go back to your sisters and try to get your life together. (I know, everyone else has said it over and over, but that's because it's sound advice from where you are at right now.)


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh, i was never married to my ex. lol. no no. I wasn't 'good enough' to be his wife. I was hurt then, but now I thank GOD I didn't marry him.

But, Yin, the title of this shouldn't be about crazy and embarrassed, but "My husband is a narcissist. help."


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Some days, the urge to leave is so strong... I remember before baby was born, one small rift would get so out of hand, and if we were some place public, I would just up and leave. He saw this as a control tactic, I saw this as "I just can't stand you insulting me anymore and walking on the side of the freeway is easier than dealing with you - kind of behavior.) Been looking it up online - it's "fight or flight" basically. And I'm a flier. (Explains why I've left every bf I've ever had).

I know I can't change him, but like you said... Getting that validation and approval is sooo important - it over-rides even rational thought at times.

And yet I still wanna say, "when he's nice, things are wonderful!" Truth is... That isn't very often. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Some days, the urge to leave is so strong... I remember before baby was born, one small rift would get so out of hand, and if we were some place public, I would just up and leave. He saw this as a control tactic, I saw this as "I just can't stand you insulting me anymore and walking on the side of the freeway is easier than dealing with you - kind of behavior.) Been looking it up online - it's "fight or flight" basically. And I'm a flier. (Explains why I've left every bf I've ever had).
> 
> I know I can't change him, but like you said... Getting that validation and approval is sooo important - it over-rides even rational thought at times.
> 
> ...


UGH!!!

stop looking at just the few moments and look ast the over all picture


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

The "parental alienation" syndrome sounds a lot like I went through with my parents divorce - one reason I got a job at 16 and moved the heck out. I still have a lot of "daddy issues" from then - but both my parents badmouthed the other. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> The "parental alienation" syndrome sounds a lot like I went through with my parents divorce - one reason I got a job at 16 and moved the heck out. I still have a lot of "daddy issues" from then - but both my parents badmouthed the other.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


you want your daughter to grow up seeing this too?>
i wouldnt think so, having seen it yourself


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Get a VAR and record when he is verbally abusing you. The tapes might come in handy.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Heck no.  I'll give credit where credit is due - hubby is an amazing father - far more than I honestly ever thought he'd be.

But when we fight, it seems like he's definitely trying to get her to pick sides - even though she's just a baby. That's just so sad.  

I worry about the subconscious psychological damage we're doing to her and I want desperately to change that. 

I guess now would be to avoid his "triggering" behaviors, (let's face it - he does it purposefully) - but then she will just grow avoidant and unable to experience intimacy, I think. I don't want that for her... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Get a VAR and record when he is verbally abusing you. The tapes might come in handy.


Bad thing is, when he's emotionally abusing me, I'm also capturing myself being highly emotional. - embarrassing after the fact - seems unavoidable during. (Even if I know I'm recording). 

I have several months' worth of recordings on my phone... From pregnancy on. At least I'm not changing who I am or how I react when I know I'm recording... LoL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Another thing he does (and has admitted to), to mess with my mind... Is when I need and beg for that "validation" and approval... When I beg for him to just put his arms around me and hold me; let me know it's okay... He will avoid me at all costs, and then DELIBERATELY become so super affectionate with our daughter in front of me... A slap in the face... A pretty effective tactic for getting me to "lose it"

And even though I know that's what he's doing - it still works..m and stings like hell when he does it. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Another thing he does (and has admitted to), to mess with my mind... Is when I need and beg for that "validation" and approval... When I beg for him to just put his arms around me and hold me; let me know it's okay... He will avoid me at all costs, and then DELIBERATELY become so super affectionate with our daughter in front of me... A slap in the face... A pretty effective tactic for getting me to "lose it"
> 
> And even though I know that's what he's doing - it still works..m and stings like hell when he does it. :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is a game that will do a lot of damage to your daughter. He is teaching her that the way for her to get daddy's attention is for her to join him in abusing you.

Because of your neediness she will most likely side with him as she grows up. Children like to join with the parent they see as more powerful. And she will join him in treating you this way. 

Is this really what you want your life to be like?

If this the relationship you want with your daughter?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Heck no.  I'll give credit where credit is due - hubby is an amazing father - far more than I honestly ever thought he'd be.
> 
> But when we fight, it seems like he's definitely trying to get her to pick sides - even though she's just a baby. That's just so sad.
> 
> ...


this is *NOT* being a good father, cant you see that?

come on yin, i KNOW you are smarter than that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Bad thing is, when he's emotionally abusing me, I'm also capturing myself being highly emotional. - embarrassing after the fact - seems unavoidable during. (Even if I know I'm recording).
> 
> I have several months' worth of recordings on my phone... From pregnancy on. At least I'm not changing who I am or how I react when I know I'm recording... LoL!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well then... listen to those tapes of yourself when you are alone. Really listen to them and learn some things about yourself and your relationship with your husband. 

Are you just as mean and hateful as he is when this goes down? It's not unavoidable. Why do you continue to engage in this behavior? What do you get out of it? You are getting something, that's why you do it.

Do you feel better after the yelling/screeming? If you do, you are doing it for the emotional high you get. This kind of behavior often causes a lot of feel-good brain chemicals to be released.

Or are you fighting the same fight you have been fighting since you were a young girl? Are you still trying to get the man in your life (your father, you lover, etc) to realize that you are not crazy, yada yada yada.

It's said that many of us marry someone who is like our crazy parent. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to fight the same fights, to right the same wrongs. It's not going to happen. Until you realize that that you will never get what you want out of these episodes they will continue. Until you realize that your husband (your father?, your ex, etc) uses these episodes as an excuse to beat you down you will continue to behave this way and expose yourself to this abuse. Until you realize that the last thing he wants to do is to admit that you are wonderful you will continue to allow yourself to be abused. He's not going to stop this because he needs you beat down. If your are not beat down he thinks he cannot keep you .. he needs you broken so you will not leave him. 

You are allowing this and playing along.

(I'm not trying to beat you up here. Keep in mind that this is something that I too have lived through.)

Listen to those tapes and see what you are doing. Are you trying to prove to him that you are not the awful things he says you are? You will never convince him.

Once you realize that you will never convince him that you are wonderful and not crazy, etc. you can break free of this. You can learn to not engage in this abuse cycle. And when you get to this point, no one will ever be able to abuse you again because you will not allow it.

You will have finally 'fixed' the issue that has haunted your life. You will not have fixed the abusive man.. you will have realized that you cannot fix him. You will have given up your attempt to prove you are deserving of love. YOu will know that you are deserving of love and wonderful. You will have fixed yourself.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I'm talking about when things are good - he is a really attentive father. He loves his daughter, I don't doubt that at all - but when he's trying to get back at me, that's a whole other story.

Right now - he was sitting on our porch, drinking a beer, I went downstairs to use the restroom. When I came back upstairs he wasn't on the porch. I texted him - no answer. He finally shows up and I ask where he was. He says sitting on the porch. I know this isn't true because I went on the porch and texted him. My phone says that was approx 15 minutes ago. He says I'm lying. I texted him while I was on the porch and asked where he was!!!

Now he rinning around knocking things over looking for his beer. I haven't touched it, yet he's convinced I've hidden it from him!

I've never done this in the past, and I haven't done it now! He's starting to trigger me... But now, om seeing how crazy HE is... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> I'm talking about when things are good - he is a really attentive father. He loves his daughter, I don't doubt that at all - but when he's trying to get back at me, that's a whole other story.
> 
> Right now - he was sitting on our porch, drinking a beer, I went downstairs to use the restroom. When I came back upstairs he wasn't on the porch. I texted him - no answer. He finally shows up and I ask where he was. He says sitting on the porch. I know this isn't true because I went on the porch and texted him. My phone says that was approx 15 minutes ago. He says I'm lying. I texted him while I was on the porch and asked where he was!!!
> 
> ...


Where could he go for 15 minutes? Walk around the yard?

What kind of things is he knocking over? Is he getting kinda threatening and violent? 

Except for the slap last night has he ever hit you, pushed/shoved you, grabbed you in anger?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

And please do not engage him verbally. Ignore any hurtful thing he says. Just work out of the room he's in.


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## BlindSide (Sep 12, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> I'm talking about when things are good - he is a really attentive father. He loves his daughter, I don't doubt that at all - but when he's trying to get back at me, that's a whole other story.
> 
> Right now - he was sitting on our porch, drinking a beer, I went downstairs to use the restroom. When I came back upstairs he wasn't on the porch. I texted him - no answer. He finally shows up and I ask where he was. He says sitting on the porch. I know this isn't true because I went on the porch and texted him. My phone says that was approx 15 minutes ago. He says I'm lying. I texted him while I was on the porch and asked where he was!!!
> 
> ...


Yup, he is nutters and he's drinking. That is a terrible combination. He probably went to go take a leak next to the house and left his beer there.

How far away does your sister live? Will he stalk you if you stay there for a few nights?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Where could he go for 15 minutes? Walk around the yard?
> 
> What kind of things is he knocking over? Is he getting kinda threatening and violent?
> 
> Except for the slap last night has he ever hit you, pushed/shoved you, grabbed you in anger?


I thought he went to the neighbor's house, since they had called earlier. He says he was on the porch the whole time. It"s not a very big porch. 

He's irrate, yelling at me, telling me what a horrible life he has supporting me, etc. He's knocked over a fan we had on the floor, slamming screen doors and throwing our clothes we had on a chair on the floor. 

I'm trying very hard not to lose it now...   
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Now he's asking me to go get him another 6 pack. I said no way.  He is freaking nuts! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Call the police. He's knocking things around.

Do not respond to him.

Do not get him the beer.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Please get out, go to your sister's, it's not safe for you there. He's drinking and he's crazy. 

Also, why do you feel so guilty that he's supporting you!? You just had a baby. That's what he's supposed to be doing. My husband financially supports me and our two daughters and I don't feel one bit guilty. I gestate, birth and care for our children and do as much around the house as I can.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I don't think I can bring myself to call the cops... Because our neighbors are very close friends of the landlords, this could leave us in a very bad situation...

He hasn't touched me. He's just being very grumpy and depressed... And I *GET* that.. We both are going through a rough time... Just trying to stay out of his way now. He's very emotional, in a negative sense.

I know I need to leave. Will talk to my sis about staying with her again. She doesn't like him, either, despite her trying to keep an open mind. Her husband is a former alcoholic and pill popper, (after being deployed for over a year, having permenant disabilities afterwards). My sissy was strong and somehow made her marriage work after all that. She's a real source of strength for me. And today, her husband is AWESOME.

I wish my hubby could be, too. Maybe this gives me false hope? 

Btw he found his beer - on the porch where he left it. He did apologize. Still hurts that he thinks I would lie to him, though... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Just remember that his anger & abuse is all about him. He's got a problem, you are just watching him act out his feelings. 

Is he really under a lot of presure at his job? Does he work lots of over time?


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

Feeling sorry for your situation Yin  I agree with others, this is not an environment to raise your daughter or for you to stay in as well. I remember your post yesterday about the ex contacting you ... did you mention that to your husband? Do you think he is on to his worst behavior due to that or is he always like that. In any case the way he is treating you is absolutely unacceptable. I think it would be better you leave for at least few days. You can visit your sister, talk to her and see if you get some constructive advice since she probably would understand your situation better than we do and then see what can be done. 

I read in one of your post .. is your H not the same person who was a good friend and supportive of you when you were being abused by the ex? What happened to him or was he like this even then?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Ele - not sure if he's experiencing a lot of stress at work - he doesn't talk to me about it.  His job is pretty low-key, though... No overtime. 

I think he's just unhappy with life in general. I try, but I'm not sure I can make him happy anymore. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Thank you, TG. I think I'm starting to realize - it's either cope and accept him as he is, (no longer ask for change or improvement), or move on and start my life over AGAIN - this time with a baby. It's a terrifying thought.
> 
> *Ugh why is it the more I read from you guys, the more I want to defend him?! I really am nuts.*
> 
> ...


oh sweetheart.... 

It sounds to me that you are seeing your situation clearly. There's nothing nuts about that. Each of your posts about him defends then offers a "but..." You see that you try to be the "fixer". This is beyond the usual work stress and such. You know this isn't healthy for you. Thank goodness you can see that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Ele - not sure if he's experiencing a lot of stress at work - he doesn't talk to me about it.  His job is pretty low-key, though... No overtime.
> 
> I think he's just unhappy with life in general. I try, but I'm not sure I can make him happy anymore.


I thought that might be the case about his work. I've been reading your threads for months. He seems to have a problem with life in gengeral and uses drugs, alcohol and anger to self medicate. 

My bet is that it's not that there is a lot of pressure at work. Just having the reponsibility of supporting you and your child is throwing him over the edge. But he used to go over the edge a lot before the baby too. So this seems pretty normal for him... life is too much.

You cannot make him happy. He has to make himself happy. 

Try working on making yourself and your child happy. He's a grown man. Stay out of his way and let him fight his own demons on his own.

Is he still having a fit now?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Eowyn - indeed - he is/was the same friend who was so sympathetic and understanding during my troubles with my ex. He was so respectful then - I can't even tell you how many nights I spent crashed at his place, (now I know - this was inappropriate for my ex, although he never expressed any discomfort). My husband - he was so kind and gentle before. I remember one time I had a panic attack at a store and he called me, talked to me and got me to calm down enough to drive home. NO ONE had ever been able to do that before. He *was* a very special person that I felt very close to before. Even my ex liked him (lol).

Heartsbeating - thank you. I honestly try to be fair. I don't want to bash him, and I do want everyone to know that I'm not an angel either. I've done my fair share of temper tantrums, provoking, etc. But when I mean that I honestly am confused or can't understand where he's coming from, it's useful to get the perspectives here. I appreciate the honesty of everyone here, (and I've been told once or twice where my attitude lead me... LoL) but in this instance, it really was just an outlandish punishment. I believe to the relevation. My husband always seems to "punish" me when thing beyond my control pop up. (For instance, he and my sis got into it, FaceBook style while baby was in hospital... She couldn't believe that he didn't take the day off when she was admitted and possibly needing surgery...) I get "punished" for those things... I get "punished" all the time for what my mom and sis have said and confronted him on... He will almost always pick a fight and bring it up later - when it absolutely the most irrelevant point he could make... :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Ele - you have this uncanny ability to really see things as they are... For as much as I don't want to admit it - he seems resentful. He never wanted to be a parent in the first place and now he feels "trapped" and "stupid" (his words) because of our situation. I *know* he feels the pressure of caring for us all... I just don't know how to appreciate him in terms that make him feel better and less "used" (for lack of a better term). He feels used by me, despite what I think as me bending over backward to acknowledge and appreciate him... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Ele - you have this uncanny ability to really see things as they are... For as much as I don't want to admit it - he seems resentful. He never wanted to be a parent in the first place and now he feels "trapped" and "stupid" (his words) because of our situation. I *know* he feels the pressure of caring for us all... I just don't know how to appreciate him in terms that make him feel better and less "used" (for lack of a better term). He feels used by me, despite what I think as me bending over backward to acknowledge and appreciate him...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's unfair for your husband to get upset at you about the baby. What does he think sex leads to? He needs to get fixed if he does not want children. Even in that part of his life he failed to take care of things and then blames you when the predictable happens. 

I don't know if it would help, but there is a good book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Laura Schlessinger.

While I like the book, I think that your husband’s problems are beyond the scope of the book. I could be wrong, but what I get from your threads is that he just does not handle responsibility well at all. If you stay with him you will need to get a job and do as much to help support the family as you can. When you were working was that enough to stop him from acting out? If I recall it was not. 

You cannot change him. You can only change the way you interact with him.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

No more fits - just sulking.

But you all here haven given me a way to work through the feelings I would experience as rejection and hurt. 

I invited him to sit next to me, I told him I understood the pressure he was under and how overwhelmed he felt... Not sure if this was enabling behavior - or the behavior I'm supposed to have as a spouse... Either way, he seemed to have less ammo loaded for counter attack, and I feel more mature about my words and actions. He's still standoffish, but I'm not taking it so personally. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Ele - I've seen that book in countless thriftstores... Never bought it because I felt the title alone was derogatory... LoL!

When I was working - more issues than not, I think, but of a different nature. He delved into porn a lot because I was unavailable... We had more than enough money to pay our bills then... And our bills were a lot less. I know he feels the crunch, and I am so willing to help when I am able... But I feel completely useless and worthless now. 

What's worse is I feel unable to trust him around baby alone for too long. He's easily stressed and I don't want her to get the vibes that she is somehow a burden... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

I think if he was a caring and sympathetic person at some point of time... there is some hope that you might be able to help him find himself with the right guidance. I know it is difficult to think about helping him deal with his issues, when in fact he is the one causing lot of pain to you. But sometimes it can infact be quite empowering to you to help someone fix their problems. 

Sit down calmly and see what caused this transformation in him? Is he under lot of stress/influence etc? Write it down on a paper. Then try to figure out things that he reciprocates well to and things he doesn't reciprocate well to. Think in different dimensions... consider peaceful, assertive talk, humor, leaving for few days etc. Form your list of do's and dont's based out of this. Ask yourself if there is any way you can get this man back to how he was previously. What would need to be done for that? Has he tried counselling? Also, know that you are probably the only person who might be able to bring about a positive transformation in him.

Reading your initial post I wouldn't advice you to wait one min with him. However since he was a nice person at some point, just makes me think would it be possible to get him back to where he was earlier? Lastly, do not form any negative opinions about yourself based on his comments. Just take it lightly, ignore if you must. Use some mental triggers to boost your positive thinking and self confidence! And Take care of yourself!!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

"when he's nice, he's wonderful."

Yea, I said that about everyone I dated, ex included...even my mom lolllll.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why do you stay?


This is how it was before. My heart breaks for you...but this was and is your life and you control it! YOU control it. Not him.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

DO NOT have FALSE HOPE.

THIS is your husband and this is who he will be. Don't stay thinking he'll get better. He won't...not without a lot of therapy.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

There is no cure for narcissism. My dad only got worse as he got older. And the reason there is no cure is because they are convinced YOU are the problem not them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> No more fits - just sulking.
> 
> But you all here haven given me a way to work through the feelings I would experience as rejection and hurt.
> 
> I invited him to sit next to me, I told him I understood the pressure he was under and how overwhelmed he felt... Not sure if this was enabling behavior - or the behavior I'm supposed to have as a spouse... Either way, he seemed to have less ammo loaded for counter attack, and I feel more mature about my words and actions. He's still standoffish, but I'm not taking it so personally.


Wow.. that's great.

Was your husband raised in an abusive situation? The reason I asked is that I read something in the book "Dance of Anger" a long time ago that the above post made me think of.

It said that the people who survive abusive upbringings the best are those who have a 'sympathetic witness'. A ‘sympathetic witness’ is someone who sides with the abused child and assure them that their feelings of hurt, anger, etc are justified and at least not ‘wrong’. That they are entitled to their feelings and that the person who abuses them is wrong. So the ‘witness’ sympathizes with the abused child and gives them the tools to see the abuse and the abuser as the one who is in the wrong.

Now your husband is obviously not being abused by you here. But he’s feeling a lot of pressure. And you did the right thing.. you reacted to him in the manner of a ‘sympathetic witness’. You let him know that you understand the pressure he’s under, that it’s ok to feel the pressure and weight of being the sole financial supporter of a family. He needed to hear that from you.

As a woman who has been the sole finacial support of my family for most of the time I've had a family I can tell you that there is a unique kind of pressure that is felt. It's hard to describe. Sometimes I go into panic mode because of this.. suppose I lose my job? I'm exhausted and my husband is not helping me in ways that would make it easier for me to have the energy to go to work every day.. it's draining. I don't have the option to quite.. sometimes I feel stuck becasue I don't have that option. The list of things that I might panic over is pretty long.. i'm apparently very good at manufacturing reasons to panic. :lol:

As I said earlier, your husband seems to have a problem with the pressures of life even before your pregnancy. So I'm sure that the pressure is very hard on him now. If the two of you were to stay together, you will most likely have to go back to work. For one I think you need to make sure that you can always support yourself and your child. Secondly I'm not sure your husband can handle being the sole support.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

YinPrincess, 

Why do you think your husband is a narcissist? Has he been diagnosed as such, or it your diagnosis of his behavior?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Ele - I've seen that book in countless thriftstores... Never bought it because I felt the title alone was derogatory... LoL!


I can see why you might think that the title is derogatory. But it’s not. If you read the book you will understand where it’s coming from. I read it and loved it. What I find interesting about it is that as a women who has taken the ‘male’ role of being the sole support of my family I see where the things she says apply in my situation.
I highly recommend the book to any woman or man who is a stay-at-home spouse/parent.


YinPrincess said:


> When I was working - more issues than not, I think, but of a different nature. He delved into porn a lot because I was unavailable... We had more than enough money to pay our bills then... And our bills were a lot less. I know he feels the crunch, and I am so willing to help when I am able... But I feel completely useless and worthless now.


You are not completely useless and worthless. You are taking care of a baby and recovering from your child birth. Take that time for you. 

But I also highly suggest that you go back to work as soon as you can. I think you are going to have to work whether you stay with him or not. Either way you will need to be independent enough to hold your own. This is not a man who can take the pressure of being a sole provider. And he’s abusive, so he will use what he sees as the ‘power position’ of being the money earner over you.



YinPrincess said:


> What's worse is I feel unable to trust him around baby alone for too long. He's easily stressed and I don't want her to get the vibes that she is somehow a burden...


You are going to have to learn to trust him and he is going to have to learn to take care of her. If you split he will have her sometimes. He will need to be able to take care of her.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Ele - I have diagnosed my husband with Narcissism... He has ALL of the characteristics. I would like him to be professionally diagnosed, but there's no way he would ever go for that. When we went to marital counseling together it was a huge failure - he is incredibly adept at painting himself to be the "good guy/victim" and me as the crazy one.

Have you ever seen the movie American Psycho? THAT guy IS my husband!!! The opening scenes where he is applying his face masks and going about his beauty regime IS my husband! He is so vain, so obsessed with his appearance and health - he is so self-involved it's not even funny.

He puts down people he doesn't know. We can be driving the car somewhere and he'll pick a random pedestrian to put down, (to me, not to their faces). He'll go off on a little tirade about how they're broke, poor, probably go home smoke crack and beat their wives in addition to living off of assistance (hey so are WE! But we're better than that guy!) I can't stand his negativity! I try to show him acts of compassion - when I had money, if someone begging for change/was hungry I'd buy them something to eat, etc. He said before that he loves my humanity, but he will never in a million years do something like that on his own.

Here is some info on Narcissism... Under the criteria, my husband matches every one.

Narcissistic personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A little about his childhood: his mother herself proclaims that she was much too involved with her social life when her son was growing up to be much of a parent. I should have known, from the first time she ever emailed me, she said, "If he ever does anything to hurt you, it's my fault. I wasn't a good mother to him." (Here, "hurt" is not in the physical context). His mother dated musicians who traveled, and would leave her very young son with friends of the band members - people she barely knew. He has shared a few horror stories from this time... From having the father of some family threaten to beat him up to being molested by an older boy. 

After a bit he was sent to live with his grandparents. They are righteous bible thumpers who were huge on religion. My husband has often told me THIS point in his life is where he developed his passive aggressive tendencies. They would tell him what he could and could not do... And of course, he did what he wanted anyways and they always turned a blind eye. 

After some years his mother decided to come back into his life, (she found God as well), and became what he described as "overbearing". Funny. He says the same thing about me...

Well... That's all I can write for now... The baby beckons me! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Yin, I just caught up on this, and have to say that I feel bad for the situation you are in.

I can tell from your words that you can recognize and see the abuse you are taking from him, the hard part is deciding what to do because what you need to do right now is get yourself and your daughter out of the situation... BUT, that is not the kind of act you do out of love for your spouse right? The thing is you clearly love your H and support him even though he is unable to really love you back. From what you write of him I see a man who in some part of him wants to love you, but never really has learned how to love someone.

When you say he is an amazing father and loves his daughter, thats because its how he has presented it to you, just as he tries to present to others that he is an amazing husband and loves you. But you can feel the emptiness of it, because to him it is all about the self. So you need to see that he wants to love his D, you already know that he is not capable of giving real love, only something that he can twist and mold into something that looks like love.

You fell in love with him for a reason, he is probably an amazing guy somewhere in there but his esteem issues have been so far buried that he has a toxic world of mixed emotions shielding him, and until he can break through that with the people he is supposed to love (you and your D). And as hard as it may be to accept, you are not the one that is going to be able to help him with that, it is solely his choice and his task if he is to ever be capable of real love.

It makes me sad for you, your daughter and even him, and I think you know what to do, just listening to the advice from That_girl, Elegirl and others on here - you need to, you have the right to, and you have the responsibility to remove yourself from that situation, the sooner the better. It will be a huge hardship for you, and unfair even, which makes that first step a real big one. However in the long run this has to be your way of showing love to your H so that the cycle of abuse can be broken. Instead of showing him support by enabling him to continue your current broken family life, you have to stop the abuse using any means you have.

edit: yeah and to add to other's, if he is a narcissist he will never even choose to dig himself out from behind his toxic shield, and it would be pointless for you to wait for that. Either way, you have to make it not your problem anymore.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Yin, your previous relationship was with a guy who abused you big-time. You got out of that, even though you faced many challenges.

Then you marry another abuser. Narcissist? Yep. Married to a codependent? Check the "yes" box on that one too.

I do not mean this in a cruel fashion, but you are as sick as the man you are married to. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is almost impossible to treat. Why? Because this type of PD thinks the rest of the universe is inhabited by idiots and they are right.

Sure, he has his "nice" moments. I was married to one for eight years. He could be charming and kind. He also hit me when I pushed one of his "buttons." (And he had lots of "buttons.")

Go stay with your sister. Start looking into getting your job back. Codependency is a killer. It causes all types of health problems, not to mention that your husband could decide to start hitting you more.

He is also "gaslighting" you so he can convince you that you are the crazy one.

You are not crazy. But you are sick to stay with this man. You are focused on his problems, his diagnosis, his behaviors. Step away from the crazy man.

Like I say here time and time again, when the pain of staying exceeds the pain of leaving, you will leave.

Your baby doesn't deserve a crazy man for a father. And you have got major crazy on your hands. Please break free.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Almost everything you have ever posted about your husband screams that you need to get away from him. The bottom line is that no matter if he is or is not a narcissist, he's distructive to you and will be to your daughter as time goes on.

If you leave him, do you think he will be interested in your daughter? It almost might be best if he does not.

So what is your plan? You need a plan. Is it time yet for you to take control of your own life and protect your daughter?


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

oh Yin - you have moved from one abusive relationship to another
you do not deserve this, this is not normal, you are not crazy
please try and get out - this will never get better, HE will never get better
x


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

What makes narcissists so destructive is that they are charming and they are great at making you feel crazy. It's all your fault they moan. If only you treated me better I wouldn't have to do x,y, z to you. It's all for your own good. They knock you down then pretend to help you up looking all doe eyed in the process. They have no feelings, no emotions and are callous and cruel.

And leaving one is darn near impossible because they can't stand to lose. They will fight you just because they can. 

I loathe narcissists.


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