# Should I surprise him with a gift?



## Mandia99508 (Jul 15, 2010)

I had this idea this afternoon. My husband is in such a funk that he wants to end our marriage which I think is just preposterous. I listened to his side of the argument and it's all based on self-loathing. It has nothing to do with me, I'm fine... I just "deserve better."

Anyway, I want to get him something that he has been looking for, for a long time. It's nice because it's new and cheap. It's a weight bench that I found on craiglist for $150, and with all the bells and whistles this thing is worth around $1000. However, I do have a trip coming up and we are running low on expenses as it is, and he would probably be mad at me for spending the money. But he wants this, I know he does. He'd love it! However my dilemma is do I spend the money and risk him being angry over that, or do I get it hoping it will make him happy.


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## Robrobb (Jun 18, 2010)

It's something he wants? Go ahead and get it, for crying out loud.


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## Mandia99508 (Jul 15, 2010)

Robrobb said:


> It's something he wants? Go ahead and get it, for crying out loud.


But I'm worried he'll see the financial expense as unnecessary. Because if he really wanted this why hasn't he gotten one himself. I suppose rather than surprising him with it tonight, I'll quiz him about the idea and see if we're even able to patch things up after or conversation last night.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Instead of trying to buy his love which will not work, try reverse psychology. As part of his disorder, he feels the two of you should break up and you deserve better than him. He got this idea from reading your journal.........sooooo give him the opposite idea. Let him find written messages where you say things like "I love insert his name here" or "He is all the man I want" or "He is wonderful to me." Whatever applies and whatever you think will get the point across. I mean, if he is so ready and open to suggestion, then perhaps reading affirming notes will give him the opposite idea. This just might work and like I said before, you may have some successes. But don't forget what else I said - there will always be the next time. Good luck.


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## Mandia99508 (Jul 15, 2010)

Susan2010 said:


> Instead of trying to buy his love which will not work, try reverse psychology. As part of his disorder, he feels the two of you should break up and you deserve better than him. He got this idea from reading your journal.........sooooo give him the opposite idea. Let him find written messages where you say things like "I love insert his name here" or "He is all the man I want" or "He is wonderful to me." Whatever applies and whatever you think will get the point across. I mean, if he is so ready and open to suggestion, then perhaps reading affirming notes will give him the opposite idea. This just might work and like I said before, you may have some successes. But don't forget what else I said - there will always be the next time. Good luck.


I did do this. Instead I sent it to him in an email. Telling him that in times like this it is much easier for me to sit and write it all down calmly so I don't get interrupted. We haven't had an opportunity to talk yet about his separation suggestion. With company and opposite schedules we haven't had a moment. I think though, my letter may have had an impact. Hopefully to the degree I intended. He told me last night that he loved me. For me, right now, that is enough.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I think getting him the gift is a bad idea. Ive only read your other post about your pet dying, but i think you are rewarding behavior that is hurting you. I dont think you are letting him experience the consequences of how his behavior is really affecting you.


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## Mandia99508 (Jul 15, 2010)

Blanca said:


> I think getting him the gift is a bad idea. Ive only read your other post about your pet dying, but i think you are rewarding behavior that is hurting you. I dont think you are letting him experience the consequences of how his behavior is really affecting you.


Thank you I totally agree. I never would have thought of this myself, so thank you for that. :smthumbup:


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

A cheaper gift?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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