# A need a woman's thoughts on this.



## Boatman (Nov 2, 2013)

My girlfriend of four months and said that she wanted to engage in sex but wasn't sure if she was ready. i suggested that we 69 instead. She was okay with it. A week after that she came over and I had made sure that I cleaned myself down there. Anyway, I remembered that she loves mint ice cream so I bought mint flavored lube and put a little on so she wouldn't have to taste me.
When licked me she asked why I had mint lube on and I told her so she wouldn't have to taste me. She respond with "What if I did that to myself?" I told her if you did that would be up to you. She left and said not after but i tried to get her to talk. I'm confused and I need help understanding what it was that I did wrong. 

I don't know if this helps but it has been three days.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Boatman said:


> My girlfriend of four months and said that she wanted to engage in sex but wasn't sure if she was ready. i suggested that we 69 instead. She was okay with it. A week after that she came over and I had made sure that I cleaned myself down there. Anyway, I remembered that she loves mint ice cream so I bought mint flavored lube and put a little on so she wouldn't have to taste me.
> When licked me she asked why I had mint lube on and I told her so she wouldn't have to taste me. She respond with "What if I did that to myself?" I told her if you did that would be up to you. She left and said not after but i tried to get her to talk. I'm confused and I need help understanding what it was that I did wrong.
> 
> I don't know if this helps but it has been three days.


Her behaviour is odd. There is too many unknowns. Has she had sex before?


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## Boatman (Nov 2, 2013)

tracyishere said:


> Her behaviour is odd. There is too many unknowns. Has she had sex before?


Yes. That I know because we talked about past relationships


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Boatman said:


> Yes. That I know because we talked about past relationships


Has she seen or felt a penis before? Any other sexual activities? Or is this her first time for everything?


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## Boatman (Nov 2, 2013)

tracyishere said:


> Has she seen or felt a penis before? Any other sexual activities? Or is this her first time for everything?


Considering that she has sex before, the answer is yes. She has not been in a relationship a woman.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Boatman said:


> Considering that she has sex before, the answer is yes. She has not been in a relationship a woman.


Lol. I read that wrong. Too funny. My apologies. 

Hmmm. The only thing I can think of is that she felt like you were not comfortable enough to give her the real deal. That you had to sugar coat your goods in order for them to appeal to her. She might've taken offence To that because she wanted you to give her your true self. 

But that's all speculation. I think the correct answer will have to come from her mouth.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

She probably thought you expected her to do the same and felt like you didn't like her taste or smell. 
Just apologize and ask what went wrong. How old are you both?


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## Boatman (Nov 2, 2013)

tracyishere said:


> Lol. I read that wrong. Too funny. My apologies.
> 
> Hmmm. The only thing I can think of is that she felt like you were not comfortable enough to give her the real deal. That you had to sugar coat your goods in order for them to appeal to her. She might've taken offence To that because she wanted you to give her your true self.
> 
> But that's all speculation. I think the correct answer will have to come from her mouth.


I'm not going to lie and say I didn't taste it before I bought it because I did and it wasn't bad at all. It tasted like it came from a box of mints. Like I said before she like's mint ice cream. Her lip gloss is mint flavored, and has mint scented candles. She likes mint. 

I can understand what you are saying though. Should I have asked her first?


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## Boatman (Nov 2, 2013)

ne9907 said:


> She probably thought you expected her to do the same and felt like you didn't like her taste or smell.
> Just apologize and ask what went wrong. How old are you both?


I'm 26 and she's 25 but younger than me by two months.

She takes care...trust me. I asked and she wouldn't say a thing.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

I think what she did is ridiculous tbh. If she cannot communicate her feelings about this it's a huge red flag. IMO. 

GEESH....


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## Boatman (Nov 2, 2013)

tracyishere said:


> I think what she did is ridiculous tbh. If she cannot communicate her feelings about this it's a huge red flag. IMO.
> 
> GEESH....


I agree but how do I approach her about this?


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

I have been out of the dating scene for a long time. Is it normal for your generation to wait four months to have sex?
Maybe she just freaked out, maybe she wasn't ready after all


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Boatman said:


> I agree but how do I approach her about this?


Tell her that you cannot read her mind so if she has an issue or concern about something she better tell you because you are not going to put up with that BS. 

You want a healthy relationship which means open and honest communication. Ask her if that's what she wants. If she says yes, hold it to her. If not... Get out.


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## Boatman (Nov 2, 2013)

tracyishere said:


> Tell her that you cannot read her mind so if she has an issue or concern about something she better tell you because you are not going to put up with that BS.
> 
> You want a healthy relationship which means open and honest communication. Ask her if that's what she wants. If she says yes, hold it to her. If not... Get out.


How can i tell if she's being honest with her answer?


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

Watch her body language. If she sits or positions herself defensively but says sweet things....big red flag.

Also...blinking more frequently signals nervousness. Looking away to the side is deceptive, while looking at the floor is uncomfortable.

Oddly, these are all things I learned as an advocate which happen to translate well to all interactions. HTH some.

Hang on...three days? I think your GF may have some serious issues. That's more like a silent treatment than just being embarrassed, uncomfortable or a little ticked off. I mean, mint. It's her favorite. I would have been honored if my guy at 25 noticed those details.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Boatman said:


> How can i tell if she's being honest with her answer?


Her non verbals. Does she look at you? Does she stumble with her words? Does she change her story? Is she accountable? 

Ask her to give exact details of the event. See if her account matches yours. She might tweak her version to conform to a lie.


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## Boatman (Nov 2, 2013)

tracyishere said:


> Her non verbals. Does she look at you? Does she stumble with her words? Does she change her story? Is she accountable?
> 
> Ask her to give exact details of the event. See if her account matches yours. She might tweak her version to conform to a lie.


And why would she do that?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

She said she wasn't ready to have sex. Oral sex is sex, in fact, IMO, it is even more intimate than PIV... It could be that she was even less ready than she initially thought she was. Unless she tells you what's she's thinking, you have no way of knowing.``


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

How about not obsessing over such a small issue?

How about not being insecure from both sides by creating trust and intimacy on other levels than sexual?

I think when you enter the sex arena now, you have only trouble ahead by skipping the talking/getting to know eachother stages.

My 0.02


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Boatman said:


> And why would she do that?


If she's not honest with you. Stop wasting your time trying to figure her out and start meeting someone new.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

I'm still trying to get my head around why she was okay with 69 but not okay with PIV.


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## Boatman (Nov 2, 2013)

firebelly1 said:


> I'm still trying to get my head around why she was okay with 69 but not okay with PIV.


Now that I think about it, I don't know why either. It seems a little odd.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

Indeed. Oral is more intimate to me. Her silence is more telling than anything though.


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## kimd (Oct 12, 2013)

I would give it one more try. If she is still weird about it perhaps you need to date another woman.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Boatman said:


> I agree but how do I approach her about this?


By being 100% and telling her what you have said here.


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## Boatman (Nov 2, 2013)

turnera said:


> By being 100% and telling her what you have said here.


I'll take your word for it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What relationship do you have if you can't be 100% honest? What's the point?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I guess I am the only one trying to figure out WHY you felt the need to flavor yourself for her? I think it just weirded her out, and I have to admit, I would probably think the same thing.


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## Boatman (Nov 2, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> I guess I am the only one trying to figure out WHY you felt the need to flavor yourself for her? I think it just weirded her out, and I have to admit, I would probably think the same thing.


So she wound't have to taste me.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Why? Is there something wrong with you down there? Tasting your partner is part of the experience.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I can't stand oral. Unless we are in the shower. For some reason, with the water going, I don't mind so much. 

Get creative. But let HER into the thought process.


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## Boatman (Nov 2, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> Why? Is there something wrong with you down there? Tasting your partner is part of the experience.


No, I take care of myself.


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