# Can't take it anymore



## gia (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm new here, but I've been reading this forum for a few week and finally had to post about my problem. I need someone elses opinion. I have been married for 15 yrs and I'm considering divorce. I married young I was 19 & he was 28. The problem is he is verbally abusive and controlling. When I talk to him about this I'm the one he blames and he justifies his actions. Most of the verbal abuse comes when he drinks. I just can't take all the insults anymore. It's getting worse, because now he doesn't seem to care who's around. He used to say sh*t to me when no one was around. Now he doesn't care if our kids are there he just goes off. And the insults are bad. In one of his tirades he told our 13yo daughter that I was a prostitute. I felt so bad not for myself but that my daughter was there. I don't want my kids to think this is acceptable behavior. He seems to like putting me down. He's gone as far as asking my sister out on a date. When I confronted him about this he says he doesn't know what got into him, but I still catch him looking at my sis. It can't be appearances because I keep in shape. I'm actually slimmer than my sis and we look alike. I swear he just does it to make me feel like crap. And ofcourse my sis would never even look his way, which probably upsets him since he thinks he god's gift to women. The control issue has always been there also. It's bad. He even wants to control what I watch on TV. Another problem is his temper. The other day he was arguin and I told him to shut the F*ck up cause I couldn't take it anymore and he threatend to knock my teeth out. He was drunk, but it still scared me. I just know that if I would've kept talking back he would've did it. My kids were there for that one too. I'm tired of the false promises and the couple months of peace and then back to the same ole same. Obviously this is only a fraction of everything that has gone on for 15yrs, it would take me an entire day to write, but I would really appreciate your opinions. I definitely think that I need to walk away from this marriage.


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## WantWhatsRight (Nov 2, 2011)

Yes, you do need to walk. I only wish my situation was as clear cut. Perhaps it is and I'm just not seeing it - as you are probably arguing with yourself and not seeing how clear cut your situation is ...


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## gia (Jan 26, 2012)

Yes it does seem that way, but I keep thinking about my kids and my financial responsibilities. I spoke with him and we talked about these problems. Ofcourse he swears he's going to make changes and be a better man, but I think this will only last a few months as usual. I don't like being a pessimist, but it's the way I feel. I'm only putting off the inevitable, which is letting go.


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

Yes it is time to walk away. You will be sending a very important message to your daughter as well. This relationship you have with your husband is abusive and by staying you are telling your daughter that this type of behavior or ok.
Would you want your daughter to end up with a guy like your husband? I do not think so. Make sure you speak to an attorney first. Very important that you receive financial security for you and your daughter.


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

gia said:


> Yes it does seem that way, but I keep thinking about my kids and my financial responsibilities. I spoke with him and we talked about these problems. Ofcourse he swears he's going to make changes and be a better man, but I think this will only last a few months as usual. I don't like being a pessimist, but it's the way I feel. I'm only putting off the inevitable, which is letting go.


I do not think a guy like this can change on his own. He needs some type of AA program. Then he needs individual counciling, and then the two of you need MC.


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## oneandonly2 (Feb 8, 2012)

real simple ... is the kind of man you want your daughter to marry some day?

easy answer right ... now get out .


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## gia (Jan 26, 2012)

You guys are right. God forbid that my daughter would end up with a man that's like her dad or that my son would ever treat any woman the way his dad does. I'm definitely looking into how to go about this. I care for him, but I'm not in love with him. Sooner or later it will be done. I'm glad I found this site. Thanks for your feedback I really appreciate it. I haven't really talked to anyone about how deep my problems are with him. His sister knows some things and she agrees with me. I don't want to tell my parents or my brother (he'd kick my husbands ass). I'm also ashamed to tell anyone close to me. I know I shouldn't feel that way but for some reason I do.


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

gia said:


> You guys are right. God forbid that my daughter would end up with a man that's like her dad or that my son would ever treat any woman the way his dad does. I'm definitely looking into how to go about this. I care for him, but I'm not in love with him. Sooner or later it will be done. I'm glad I found this site. Thanks for your feedback I really appreciate it. I haven't really talked to anyone about how deep my problems are with him. His sister knows some things and she agrees with me. I don't want to tell my parents or my brother (he'd kick my husbands ass). I'm also ashamed to tell anyone close to me. I know I shouldn't feel that way but for some reason I do.


Listen!!!! Do not be foolish. I have sisters and I would be very upset with any of them if they did not come to me in the situation you are in. You said in your OP that your husband threatened to knock your teeth in. This is what family is for. Speak to your parents first. They are there for you and will help you get through this. If your brother is a hot head then let your father deal with him, but he should know. Your brother is leverage, but keep him on a leash


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## gia (Jan 26, 2012)

gonefishin said:


> Listen!!!! Do not be foolish. I have sisters and I would be very upset with any of them if they did not come to me in the situation you are in. You said in your OP that your husband threatened to knock your teeth in. This is what family is for. Speak to your parents first. They are there for you and will help you get through this. If your brother is a hot head then let your father deal with him, but he should know. Your brother is leverage, but keep him on a leash


I agree I'll have to tell at least my parents about this so that when the s*@t hits the fan they won't be so shocked. My parents love him and they'll be shocked to hear what I'm going through.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

oneandonly2 said:


> real simple ... is the kind of man you want your daughter to marry some day?
> 
> easy answer right ... now get out .


Very wise advice from a man who knows.....since 1&only2 is his in-laws worst nightmare.


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## maddecent (Feb 27, 2012)

oneandonly2 said:


> real simple ... is the kind of man you want your daughter to marry some day?
> 
> easy answer right ... now get out .


:iagree:


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

He's not going to change. If he does, it will be for the worse, not better.

I've been in your shoes, but I couldn't stay long. I left and I'm in a very happy marriage for the last 12 years.

Leave, before he seriously hurts you. Your children are severely effected by his behavior. Your daughter may think its okay to marry a man this way or if you have a son, he may think this is how your suppose to treat your wife.

My ex tore my daughter emotionally into the ground and was proud of it. He no longer lets her talk to her siblings, he hangs the phone up when she calls. He wants nothing to do with her and she's a wonderful child. 

I've never seen such hatred in a person as he. I'm so glad I left, I wish I never married him in the first place. The time we spent together was pure hell. 17 years later he's worse.

You will be much happier if you leave. He's abusing you and is not going to change.


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