# Am I being selfish?



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Those of you that know me, know that I started college last Fall. I will have to be in school for 4yrs total. I am the kind of person that needs complete silence and no interruptions to do my work. 

Little Joe is definitely a mommy's boy and I feel guilty as Hell when he wants to spend time with me and I am trying to do homework. I feel like I am being a horrible mother. 

Does this make me a bad mom?


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Of course not. He needs to learn that you need time as well. Be sure to schedule one on one time with him though.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I'm not a parent, but even I know the answer to this: Hell no you are not a bad mother. You are bettering your life and Little Joe will undoubtedly reap the rewards, too.

I get where you're coming from. My job requires 100% concentration and when people congregate around my desk, I can't take it. I have to leave. Think they'd get the hint, but no.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I studied physics when my boys were two and four. I actually started when I was pregnant with the younger one. They knew that it better be important to bother mom when she was studying or on the treadmill. 

It's good for kids learn that the world doesn't revolve around them. Besides, I now have a high paying job and my kids benefit from that. Now that they're 14 and 11 they seem to cost a lot more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Sometimes you have to set aside time for what you need to do. I have a rule that when I am working out, no one can disturb me until I am finished. My workout is extremely important to me, as I believe my health depends on it.
You can set aside time when you will be available to him. I seriously doubt that you are neglecting him.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

CynthiaDe said:


> Sometimes you have to set aside time for what you need to do. I have a rule that when I am working out, no one can disturb me until I am finished. My workout is extremely important to me, as I believe my health depends on it.
> You can set aside time when you will be available to him. I seriously doubt that you are neglecting him.


Good advice.

Working out your body or working out your mind....no difference in their importance. 

You're not a bad mom. Just the fact you're worried about it at all means you're a good mom. 

You'll find the balance .


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

My mum went back to Uni when my brothers and I were teens and in primary school.

We knew something had better be on fire or someone choking if we interrupted her studying, hehehe.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I don't think so. Someone posted a link the other day, apologize I don't remember where, about quality time being more important than quantity. I assume that furthering education is to improve your life and therefore your sons as well. I think it's great your working so hard for the both of you.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

How old is Joe? 

If he's older than 6 or so he can watch TV while you study then you can make it up with some quality time. As he gets older you two can be study buddies.

And no, you're not a bad mom. You're a dedicated and motivated mom! 

What are you studying? You may tie it into Joe... I did use my kids as inspiration for school projects  once or twice.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

pidge70 said:


> Those of you that know me, know that I started college last Fall. I will have to be in school for 4yrs total. I am the kind of person that needs complete silence and no interruptions to do my work.
> 
> Little Joe is definitely a mommy's boy and I feel guilty as Hell when he wants to spend time with me and I am trying to do homework. I feel like I am being a horrible mother.
> 
> Does this make me a bad mom?


This is a difficult one, went through this myself in the middle of a taxing career when my D8 was only little. You have to be very disciplined and set aside time for the child, they must come first regardless. You cannot undo damage from neglect later on. Try and work when the child is napping or in bed or in nursery etc. It is about juggling, it's hard but doable.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

john117 said:


> How old is Joe?
> 
> If he's older than 6 or so he can watch TV while you study then you can make it up with some quality time. As he gets older you two can be study buddies.
> 
> ...


Little Joe will actually be 6 on May 1st. 

I'd like to think I am dedicated and motivated. I am struggling somewhat in one class. Well, somewhat is an understatement. I feel so damn stupid too. How is it I was gifted as a child, with a genius level IQ and this is happening? 

I am a Computer Science major. I actually did use lil man as the subject of an essay I had to write last semester for my EN100 class. The title of the paper was, _My Son, My Moon, and My Stars _


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

aine said:


> This is a difficult one, went through this myself in the middle of a taxing career when my D8 was only little. You have to be very disciplined and set aside time for the child, *they must come first regardless*. You cannot undo damage from neglect later on. Try and work when the child is napping or in bed or in nursery etc. It is about juggling, it's hard but doable.


The bolded is the part I am having issues with. I have put him first so many times that I have to cram a weeks worth of work in one day usually.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> I don't think so. Someone posted a link the other day, apologize I don't remember where, about quality time being more important than quantity. I assume that furthering education is to improve your life and therefore your sons as well. I think it's great your working so hard for the both of you.


I am furthering my education for so many reasons. I want to set a good example for my kids, I want to help lighten the financial burden weighing on Joe, and I am doing this for me. I want to prove to myself that I can be successful.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

meson said:


> Of course not. He needs to learn that you need time as well. Be sure to schedule one on one time with him though.


I do try to make sure I spend time with him. He's a special little kid. The school seems to think he has some mild autism going on and I just want to make sure he knows he is loved.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Where is his dad when you are trying to study? 

Do you also work outside the home? How much time each day is Joe in school?

I worked 4 hours/day on my graduate work when my kids were small--that was the time they were in daycare. It took me longer to finish my degree, but I felt the trade off was worth it. 

There are usually a lot of solutions (swap child care with a friend or neighbor, etc.) once people know the details. Give us a run down of your time and money situation (enough to show possibilities and constraints, no more or less) and maybe we can be more helpful. Having strangers say, "it's ok" or "it isn't" is not really helpful.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Pidge, putting him first can also mean teaching him life lessons. You are NOT a bad Mom.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> Pidge, putting him first can also mean teaching him life lessons. You are NOT a bad Mom.


Thank you.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

No pidge. You are not being selfish. At all.

Keep up the hard work


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> No pidge. You are not being selfish. At all.
> 
> Keep up the hard work


Thanks chica!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

pidge70 said:


> Little Joe will actually be 6 on May 1st.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Go Pidge!!!!!

I stand guilty of having used my kids for inspiration in esoteric term papers in developmental psychology, linguistics, and the like.

What class are you struggling with? I know a thing or two about programming


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

john117 said:


> What class are you struggling with? I know a thing or two about programming


Awwww.... TAM tutoring! Love it!

:smthumbup:


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

john117 said:


> Go Pidge!!!!!
> 
> I stand guilty of having used my kids for inspiration in esoteric term papers in developmental psychology, linguistics, and the like.
> 
> What class are you struggling with? I know a thing or two about programming


I haven't gotten started in my core classes yet. Taking "University Studies" courses now. Gotta be all liberally educated and whatnot. 

I'm struggling in Algebra. I have never been good at math. Good thing I picked Computer Science....lol

I took a Psych course. Dropped it after 3 weeks. No thank you to that. Besides, I think I saw my professor in a professional capacity at one time. Glad it was an online class.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

pidge70 said:


> I took a Psych course. Dropped it after 3 weeks. No thank you to that. *Besides, I think I saw my professor in a professional capacity at one time.* Glad it was an online class.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha ha... was john117 the instructor???


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> Ha ha... was john117 the instructor???


I think john is way too cool to teach at lowly SEMO...lol 

Besides, that would be one hell of a commute from KY to MO. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Ha ha... was john117 the instructor???



Hey I resemble that remark 

Intro psych is notoriously hard no matter where you take it. As for algebra, see if your college has free tutoring (or low cost). Worth the effort.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Hey SEMO is just a stone's throw away from Paducah 

A quick Google search shows tutoring is available so if you're near the campus that's the way to do it. My older girl hates math with a passion and she was assigned a senior kid for free tutoring!

But overall you should be enjoying college with Joe. And at least you didn't deliver him in the middle of the semester like my wife did our second girl . I have wonderful memories of our time in grad school with a toddler and a newborn. Exhausting doesn't begin to describe it and in retrospect I feel my girls raised themselves to some extent. But you know what? They saw us from an early age work hard on our coursework and just maybe they got the message to become good students themselves. You can't find a better way to instill this in kids.

At the end of the day you'll be proud of him for being there for you. Just like he will be proud of you for going thru all this for the better.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

pidge70 said:


> I haven't gotten started in my core classes yet. Taking "University Studies" courses now. Gotta be all liberally educated and whatnot.
> 
> I'm struggling in Algebra. I have never been good at math. Good thing I picked Computer Science....lol
> 
> ...


Great math learning resource:

https://www.khanacademy.org/


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Pidge, I don't think you are being selfish at all. In fact, I'm kind of envious. I've always wanted to go back and finish but fear gets in the way.

I will 2nd Khan Academy. That website is really helping out my son right now.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> Little Joe will actually be 6 on May 1st.
> 
> I'd like to think I am dedicated and motivated. I am struggling somewhat in one class. Well, somewhat is an understatement. I feel so damn stupid too. How is it I was gifted as a child, with a genius level IQ and this is happening?
> 
> I am a Computer Science major. I actually did use lil man as the subject of an essay I had to write last semester for my EN100 class. The title of the paper was, _My Son, My Moon, and My Stars _


You are not being a bad mom at all. :smthumbup:

Also, the college should have "free"(you're basically paying for it through tuition) tutoring available, usually through the library. Check the university's library website for information to see what they offer. I used to go there for help myself and also met with the professor a few times for help as well. Math is not my subject either, but I loved all my other classes(psych, health, biology, etc.). Khan Academy is also a great resource. I worked as a college tutor and we always recommended that site.


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