# Seeking for help i dont know what should i do



## H0LL0W (Aug 25, 2014)

greetings to all, 

i'm new in here and was hoping to get some helpful advice. 

i'm so depressed about a recent issue in my marriage, i hope its ok if i tell how it goes in here. 

i'm 28 and my husband is 30. weve been married for almost 6yrs and have a 3yrs old son. he is a faithful man who used to love me completely and i love him so much. 

My husband and i basically apart due to work. He is working in diffirent place far from where we live. He just come home once a week during his off and spend a day with us for a family time. 

My husband as i know him and everyone else is a very responsible and dedicated man, he is the kind of person that is dedicated to his work and very hard working that is why he got his goals and dreams fullfilled i can say he is a very successful guy when it comes to work. 

But then after he got promoted he has changed a lot as i feel it. He said, "He never changed he's just having a very stressful job going on right now, it makes him sensitive and moody".

i dont think so it is the only reason, i felt there is something else behind the work stressing him off... i observe him closely and so much things missing in our relationship that we used to have.

*Before - We used to talk about everything, about life and our future plans.
Now - He don't talk to me about those things anymore.

*Before - He used to share with me everything, talk about how his day went and things he do.
Now - We rarely talk on phone, most of the time he only sends me message telling his already in his room and his tired thats all.

*Before - He used to be very fun to be with, we never had a day without laughter he loves to make a joke just to make me laugh. 
Now - whenever his home he either just sleep all day or watch football.

*Before - We used to have long hours of conversation talking about anything or just having a silly chat and laugh
Now - it only takes us few minutes of conversation or he just keep quiet even were in same room.

*Before - He used to be very intimate and loving
Now - hugs and kisses felt like he is only doing it coz he has to.

Though still we have a good relation when were together. We respect each other very much, We never fights, i can only count how many times we have disagreements and we always find a way to how to deal with it. Just the diffirence now is if ever we have something we disagree, he will just say "its up to you" or "ok".

I felt there is something is wrong, i have this feeling in me that i just wanna ignore it coz i dont want to ruin our trust and marriage. 

But theres this feeling that make my chest feel heavy its difficult to breath and i dont get it.

I tried to talk to his very best friend about it and he said he dont believe my husband would do such thing. but one time he did confront my husband about it to confess if he really is doing something else aside from work and my husband do swear "he dont and would never do such thing". I wanna believe it i dont wanna ruin my trust in him.

But the feeling gets a lot stronger just after me and my son visit my husband just few days ago and stay in his place, he live in hotel where he work. 

Something i found that makes me confused till now.

Just the first day we are here everything goes the usual. My husband went down to start his duty checking his staffs and guests and my son and i was left in the room. 

i was clearing my son's mess wiping the floor with wet tissue when i found a hair, long hair and what goes my mind "this can't be my hair" i checked it properly, its much longer than mine the texture is diffrent and the color of it. i felt so upset but i dont wanna run into conclusion so i move on cleaning to clear my mind when again i found hair not only one but more. maybe less than 15 strands. 

My heart pounds fast on my mind "if that hair is from housekeeping its impossible to leave 15 strands of hair in a room right? ".

I felt angry i wanted to cry i am so confused but try to calm myself down and figure things out by myself if something is going on i wont ask confront my husband without having proof and knowing what am talking about. 

So i message his good friend who work in the same hotel brand that my husband is working, asking about the standard of the hotel. Do they have female housekeeper? and guess what his friend says? all of the hotel in same brand name as them never take a female staff for housekeeping as it is a very tough job to do.

That felt the world has crashed on me, i wanted to cry. i wanna ask him about it but i dont know how will i do it? 

I dont know where to start, the only thing that was on my mind "i dont wanna ruin my son's fun with him when their together" 

So i act fine and nothings wrong but it really is killing me inside. i dont know how to open up the topic coz all i wanted is the truth and for him to be honest 

I dont mind how painful it will be if ever he will tell me he has someone else.
All i wanna know the truth and the reason why.

Im so confused and depressed, we do cuddle every night having a great time.

I pretend to be alright for the sake of my son, but this issue is really killing me.

What should i do??? Im so confused please help me...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Please add paragraphs to your post. Most people will not read a wall of text. IT's hard to focus on.

Sentences and punctuation help a lot too.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you work outside the home? or are you financially dependent on your husband?

If your husband works away from home that much, why hasn't he moved you to where he works?

He's staying in a hotel. Does room service clean his room? If so the hair could be from that.

Could you afford to have a private investigator look into whether or not your husband is cheating?

Do you have access to his cell phone bill? If you do, check to see who he's talking to and texting. Is there one particular number that shows up a lot?

When he comes home weekly, how does he travel? Car? Plane?


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## H0LL0W (Aug 25, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Do you work outside the home? or are you financially dependent on your husband?
> 
> If your husband works away from home that much, why hasn't he moved you to where he works?
> 
> ...


thanks for the advice i did revise my post i didnt know what i am doing earlier all i just wanna do it to take it all out what i feel somewhere as i dont want any of our family, friends or anyone in real to know about it for the sake of reputation, dignity and pride 

*unfortunately i am financially dependent on my husband, i forgot to mention on my post that me and my husband have diffirent nationality so due to immigration issue i am not allowed to get a job in here unless i already got my residence visa.

*on living together with my husband issue, actually that was one of our plan before the change of him, he plan to buy another house in the same city where he work but now i dont hear any of it anymore. the last time i ask him what he just said was " lets take things one at a time "

*about the room service on the hotel he work they never have a female staff for housekeeping coz of the reason it is a very tough job for a woman they said.

*for a private investigator - that did cross my mind, maybe first ill try to figure out the right time to question my husband about the issue and see how he react about it. then i will decide later if an agent is needed.

*to his phone unfortunately there is no monthly bill for the cellphones in here coz they use simcard and prepaid bill so that is impossible and i did try to check on his phone everytime but i dont know if he delete some log data and messages on it or not coz its all goes well

*about his transport going back home every week he use car for it


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I posted this to your other thread, and I see you already answered some of the questions. Please stick to one thread. It works best for everyone. 

Is it possible your husband is cheating? Yes, it is. 

Can anyone here tell you for sure if he is or not? No.

How long has he been working away from home? How long will it continue? Why didn't you move with him? Have you checked any of your financial statements or cell phone bills to check anything? Your "evidence" is very circumstantial. He could just be depressed or alienated from his family. and the hair thing... He's in a hotel. No telling where the hair came from. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## H0LL0W (Aug 25, 2014)

PBear said:


> I posted this to your other thread, and I see you already answered some of the questions. Please stick to one thread. It works best for everyone.
> 
> Is it possible your husband is cheating? Yes, it is.
> 
> ...


thanks for the comment 

yeah you right no one can tell me here if my husband is cheating or not its the thing i gotta do my own, find out my own.

i think i just need some comments to feel that i am talking to someone. since i don't want people in real to know this issue, unless i found a concrete evidence that proves it all..

about the hair im in process to talk to my husband about it, ill check on his reaction before i do the next move


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Good luck, OP. I am sure this is not easy.


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## H0LL0W (Aug 25, 2014)

jld said:


> Good luck, OP. I am sure this is not easy.


thanks


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

He's likely going to deny anything you don't have proof about. If you need a confession from him, I'd say you need either a PI or a polygraph. 

C


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Oh, and if you confront him without proof, he'll just start hiding things better..

Does infidelity make any difference if you end up getting a divorce? You may want to consult with a lawyer before you do anything.

C


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I have never seen a hotel chain that does not employ female cleaners or housekeepers.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I would say it's insufficient evidence to warrant anything but increased attention to what he's doing.

His other actions are actually more alarming and that's what I would focus with him on.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Honestly the worst thing so far is that you are not being a family any more. Seeing you one day a week just can't keep the family going, and it can't keep his love for you going (at least not easily). You two need time together to stay bonded. Right now, I would focus on that, since it would be so hard to prove anything with you not living there and him being in a hotel 24/7. Figure out some way for you to spend more time in his city, start taking up more of his time, remind him in that way of why he fell in love with you; he needs to be reminded of that. Can you take steps to go ahead and rent in his city?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

MattMatt said:


> I have never seen a hotel chain that does not employ female cleaners or housekeepers.


I agree. I think that is a lie. So if his friend is lying, it's because he's protecting your husband.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

turnera said:


> I agree. I think that is a lie. So if his friend is lying, it's because he's protecting your husband.


Or is the type of person who makes stuff up just because he can.


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