# he is done but I'm not.



## keiyayo (Jul 13, 2014)

My husband has been sick with bad coughs for a week or so. He seemed doing much better tonight and he wanted to have sex. I was having hard time being patient so I was very excited. We started by me giving him oral like usual but then he just came in my mouth after 5 min or so and everything was over. He obviously knew that I didn't even start. I didn't know what to do because it doesn't happen usually. I tried to calm myself but I couldn't so I asked him to go down on me. Then he said he is not feeling well enough to do that. That's when I got upset and turned around from him. 
I understand that he couldn't really control when he comes because it has been long time since we had sex(2 weeks I think). I also understand he couldn't go down on me because his health. But the reason why I'm upset is that he did absolutely nothing to help me out. He said 'sorry, that is because it has been long since we had sex' and just laid there while I was struggling. Now he is upset that I'm upset at him for not giving me oral. I tried to explain the real reason I'm upset but I couldn't explain myself. Since English is not my first language, It takes time to get words right in my head especially when I'm upset. 
Now he is snoring next to me and I'm here wondering what he would say if I push him away during sex then tell him, 'I had enough now. Take care of the rest by yourself'.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What he did was rude and not good. But I think that this one time you can let it go. Maybe have a talk with him once you two have calmed down.

If it happens again, then you have a problem.


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## keiyayo (Jul 13, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> What he did was rude and not good. But I think that this one time you can let it go. Maybe have a talk with him once you two have calmed down.
> 
> If it happens again, then you have a problem.


Thank you for your advice. I already knew that doing same thing to him will not make anything better but I was just so upset.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

keiyayo said:


> Thank you for your advice. I already knew that doing same thing to him will not make anything better but I was just so upset.


*You have every right to be upset, but at this juncture, you must extend to him the "benefit of the doubt," primarily of his "being under the weather, per se. 

Whenever he is feeling better, you should make efforts to rekindle your sexual efforts toward him, and greatly provided that he gives you a "repeat performance" of this prior episode, then I would say that you would have more than ample grounds for a serious heart-to-heart talk with him!

He is truly fortunate to have such a good, loving wife like you around him!

Best of luck to you both! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I don't know about you, OP, but when a guy has been sick, especially with something like a sore throat or cough, I'd ask him not to perform oral. I'm very sensitive to getting UTIs under those circumstances and it's happened enough in the past for me to be especially careful.

Maybe your SO was aware of this possibility when he refused to give you oral? Does it happen often when he's well? 

Also, yes, it can be difficult for a guy to hold off after an amount of time without sex. Oral is particularly stimulating,so it's no surprise he popped early. I wouldn't be upset at him over this, he clearly found you irresistible. 

Can you be stimulated by touch? I'd have asked to be stimulated by fingers if oral was a no-go.


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## tommyr (May 25, 2014)

Actually I think you SHOULD just "push him away during sex" and tell him to finish by himself. But you need to do this with a balance of seriousness and humour and melodrama. Make it clear that you don't REALLY intend to stop (keep going on him with frustratingly slooooow oral) while you tell him how cruel it is to stop and leave your partner hanging, how this leaves the other person filled with desire and no release. Explain how, even if he lost his erection, there are other ways and toys that could finish the job. All the while, keep slooowly stroking and torture him over this until he begs to resume normal pace and you have made a point he will definitely remember.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Satya said:


> I don't know about you, OP, but when a guy has been sick, especially with something like a sore throat or cough, I'd ask him not to perform oral. I'm very sensitive to getting UTIs under those circumstances and it's happened enough in the past for me to be especially careful.
> 
> Maybe your SO was aware of this possibility when he refused to give you oral? Does it happen often when he's well?


I love giving my wife oral sex, but when I've been sick recently? Sorry, not happening, especially if I've had any sort of respiratory infection. If he's been coughing, he may have been dealing w/ some nasal congestion as well, which means that breathing under those conditions would've been somewhat difficult for him.

Still, he has fingers, right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I don't know. I think there's a bit of over-reaction here.

He's sick (or getting over it, and still not 100%), and you gave him oral. He finished quicker than normal, then you expected/asked him to return the favour. As he wasn't feeling well, he didn't.

I get that maybe this should have been made clear by him beforehand ("I'm not up to it, sorry"), but it wasn't.

Put yourself in his shoes - you're the one who's been sick, with a sore throat, a cough, etc. and he gives you oral. You get off, then he expects you to return the favour, even though you're not at 100%. Trust me, you're not going to want to. You may still do it, sure, but...

Does it make him selfish? Sort of, but as Arb said, give him the benefit of the doubt this time. If this happens often (or especially when he's totally healthy), then you have an issue.

For all you know, maybe he was honestly thinking he was just getting a BJ from his wife, and that's it.

This is one of those cases where you could/should have just got yourself off afterwards, or maybe just not started with him in the first place.

Hell, maybe if you just started on your own, he would have joined in!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

It has been said by some that a very strong orgasm for a man can have a stronger effect on the body/mind than taking a valium. If it had been two weeks and he had a build up of hormones this effect could have been stronger than usual. 

Just take his inability to reciprocate and irritability the next day as a compliment. Essentially you "blew" his brains out!

Next time you think you might find yourself in this situation, get him to please you first as a way to tease him and build him up even further for a stronger orgasm. He will likely drool and be totally unresponsive afterwards!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## hairyhead (Oct 30, 2015)

Does he normally help get you off and this was just a one event?

If so don't worry, it happens.

When we married we jokingly kept score but it quickly became apparent I was going to get the lion's share of Os simply because my drive was higher.

Don't based your relationship on O trading.

Sent from my SM-T800 using Tapatalk


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
If this was a one time thing, I wouldn't worry about it at all. Just take care of yourself - maybe in front of him. When he is feeling better, ask him to return the favor.

If he is often selfish, that is an entirely different matter.


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## keiyayo (Jul 13, 2014)

Actually, the funny thing is that i didn't ask for oral. But he misunderstood it to oral and says 'I've been coughing to die 24 hrs ago. I can't'. I was frustrated and embarrassed enough at this point so I didn't bother to explain any more. I just wanted him to help me to get it done but his 'I'm not interested anymore' response hurt me.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You got hurt too easy. 

The question is: does your husband normally try to please you in that way? If so, you're being overly sensitive. And, if it's only a give-to-get thing, that's kinda selfish. Whichever of you is doing that.

I think this is only caused by you getting your hopes up and getting them smashed. It happens. Don't be too mad and hold it against him, of he's normally a thoughtful person.

Two weeks is a long time!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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