# getting divorce witout closure



## yflo (Jan 7, 2010)

my husband left me and our two girls end of oct. he moved in with his sister. he is a jeh witness. girls and i are catholic. we had a pretty good marriage for 11 years. as of the last three he cheated once and denied and became a big drinker and very flirtaciuos. he was mental abusive and got physical one night with bed pillows which he laughs at me for telling him he scared me. the rage in his eyes was intense. anyway we are proceeding for a sep then divorce. he has a new gf, he claims is just a good friend- i am destroyed. my question is....after all hes done to me, why am i grieving still and so much. i cry all the time and when he and i talk- he tells me he is more at ease not being with me and over it. it is something i struggle with everyday that it was so easy for him to move on- all my friends say he is in denial....he hasnt shown one sign of grieving. i feel like im all alone and its not fair. i just want to know hes human too. thats it. i dont want him back, its over. i just need to know how can someone get over it so quick. he did not have the gf during our marriage. he met her the first weekend he was a single guy.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I think its just a difference between men and women. You will be upset and grieve, and the GF is probably keeping him from having to do so. You said he found her on his first weekend as a "single guy" so she is taking the focus off of you and the marriage. That is never a good thing to do, but people do it. I would honestly talk about whether or not its approapriate to have the new GF around the kids with him and then focus on yourself and the kids. Easier said than done, but once you grieve the loss of this, you will be able to move past it and focus on what you need.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It's perfectly normal to grieve the death of your marriage. Keep trying to focus on yourself but cut yourself some slack.

Hang in there.


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Yflo. It is very hurtful and you may hurt for awhile. My H was the same and didnt even call or text on my bday after eighteen years. I dont know why they act like that probably is the new girl. Dont be hard on youself and his pain will come eventually but you may not even know about it. Im sorry your going through this it is very painful I know. You will make it though. Hugs to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yflo (Jan 7, 2010)

thank you all for your kind words. reason why i state he is a jeh witness, he is living a double life. ive been told he is telling them he left me becasue i hated his reliogon which is so untrue but yet he has a gf that they dont and cant know about but i do. its painful to watch him get away with runing my life leaving our two girls confused and hes all happy. he tells me i wasnt meeting his needs so he needed to leave. very sad. hes a big liar. could he be lying as well about being over me....thats all that is preventing me from moving on. i hate the feeling that its so easy for him. all our close friends say i was everything to him. he almost seemed paralyszed without me....and to see him so strong, prideful, egotistical, and heartless seems so unlike what we all say before.


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## cstmxtrme (Dec 20, 2009)

I can assure you that after 11 years he is NOT over you. He is using this other woman to fill the void in his life left by you. Rest assured, YOU LEFT A BIG HOLE in him. I tell anyone going through this the same thing. Be strong and take the high road. You may have to cry................alot, but in the end you will know you were the better person. Good luck to you and try throwing yourself into your children like you have never done before. That worked for me.


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