# How do things work in divorce case, if parties dont agree



## fitchick1961 (May 5, 2015)

My husband and I are divorcing, I'm paying him spousal support til divorce is final, so I filed for divorce. I knew he would sue for alimony, but thought maybe it would be less than I'm paying now, so I filed for divorce. I have already given my lawyer 2500, and we haven't even gotten to court yet. My husband said most of money I'm paying him going to his lawyer. I was going to talk to my husband about us coming to an agreement or doing mediation. This could go on indefinitely, if we can't come to an agreement and have to keep going back to court right. My husbands lawyer petitioned for me to pay his fees, but my husband still has to pay out of pocket til it's settled,correct.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

This will get you started. Each state can be different. Im in SC, and my contested divorce is going into 3.5+ years, and 10s of thousands of dollars. Prepare yourself for a rough ride with a contested divorce.
Sorry.

Real World Divorce: Pennsylvania


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

The spousal support he is getting now is most likely higher than he will get if he is awarded alimony. Does he work at all, how much less does he earn, what was the length of the marriage?

Asking for legal fees is common, PA has a law that says both parties have a right for equal representation. So if one spouse does not work then the party who does work or makes significantly more money gets stuck with both sets of legal bills. It really depends, your lawyer should be able to give you an idea of what is likely to happen.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

If you don't agree you BOTH end up spending more money on legal fees, either to hash out an agreement, or worse, pay elevated fees for time spent in court.

We had a collaborative divorce, and it still cost about $2500. The ex said he would pay half, but I'll never see that.
Settle if you can.

Are you anticipating rehabilitative spousal support? How long was the marriage and the disparity of incomes?


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## fitchick1961 (May 5, 2015)

We have been married 13 yrs, separated for last 3, he filed for spousal support after 2 years 10 months of separation, he said reason he went through courts was, he didn't think I would pay him,if he just asked. I am an RN, he is a mechanical engineer, I hav been the major financial support almost the whole marriage,as he went on dialysis a year or so into our marriage. He has either been on disability or worked part time most of our marriage. I just got tired of struggling, never having anything, and looking forward to rest of my life this way. When we separated, I moved out, left everything for him, payed his cellphone bill for almost 3 yrs, kept him on my dental insurance for about 2 yrs, and he didn't think I would help him if he didn't sue me. I Make 34/hr, work 40-50 hrs a week. He makes 26/hr, works 24 hrs/ wk.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I'm pretty sure Pa. has spousal support guidelines, the way other states have child support guidelines. So if he can establish entitlement, you might be stuck there, especially since he's partially disabled. That's tricky, but I'm sure your attorney can handle that. 
One the good side, since there's a legislative guideline, it would seem easier to resolve that without a trial. 

Try not to take his filing suit too hard. (I know-easy for me to say, right). Its just that I wonder if maybe, as the separation continued, he started thinking about a future without you and he just became scared. Maybe he felt that he would be more independent if he didn't have to rely on your willingness to pay the support.

On the other hand, maybe he's just being an a$$


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

My lawyer said he can do an uncontested divorce for $1000. $2000 and up if we cannot agree. It is a good incentive to agree. Also since I am asking for next to nothing, it is a good idea for my husband to agree, as in our state, the judge will just go 50/50 if we do not. And my husband has at least twice as much in his 401k as I have in my IRA. But not sure I can make him understand, at least not for a long time, until he feels like dealing with it. Right now, no money spent...I had a fee consulation and nothing more.

But it is always going to cost less if you can agree...tricky for lots of people, obviously. People are not usually at their most logical during divorces.


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## fitchick1961 (May 5, 2015)

The only reason I even filed for divorce is because of the huge amount of spousal support, he's getting almost 1000/mo, I kno he'll probably get alimony, but I figured it might be less and not indefinitely as spousal support is until divorce final. But upon talking to him, and finding out, most of money going to his lawyer, thought maybe he and I could work it out, or get mediator. It's such a waste of money


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I live in PA and in 2010 divorced after 14 years of marriage. I said no to alimony, but if I recall correctly, I was only entitled to it for something like 18 months anyway. I don't know if that helps or not. In my case, it was less than $200/month I would have been getting. I was making roughly half of what he was making. 

We have two kids and I was more concerned about child support.


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## fitchick1961 (May 5, 2015)

Yes, thanks, that does help. He is 55, apart from being on dialysis he is healthy, no other health issues. He doesn't want to go back on transplant list, but that is only hope of him feeling or doing better. He says he can only work part time because of doing dialysis 3 days/week but his brother goes overnight to dialysis and works 40 hrs, he has other options. With spousal support I had no input, they just subtracted his from mine, and I had to pay 40% of difference. I Was hoping for alimony the judge might take these other things into account.


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## fitchick1961 (May 5, 2015)

We have no children together. I have my mother living with me, for last 2 yrs, since my stepdad died. She couldn't afford to live alone.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Double-check with your attorney, but I think Pennsylvania has separate rules and standards for spousal support vs. alimony. Spousal support is usually during a separation to maintain the status quo. Alimony is after support the divorce judgement. I think, although I could clearly be mistaken that the statutory guidelines for spousal support don't apply to post-judgement alimony.


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## fitchick1961 (May 5, 2015)

No, you're correct, they don't. Spousal support is a simple equation, whoever makes more minus whoever makes less, x 40 %. No argument, no nothing, that's it. However alimony is based on 17 factors, I looked it up, so I would definitely have some input. If I have to pay some alimony I will, I just can't afford almost 1000/mo indefinitely. they calculate spousal support on your last tax return, not regular 40hr work week.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

When you get to actually negotiating asset division etc you can always give him more assets to eliminate alimony. 
It sucks anyway you do it but its often less "painful" to walk away from say home equity than being reminded each and every paycheck seeing the deduction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fitchick1961 (May 5, 2015)

I wish i could , we have no assets to split, due to money situation from him never working full time, we filed bankruptcy about 3 yrs before split. I left house and pretty much everything in it for him, I only took stuff he left there, when he moved out. I bought almost everything new, mostly on credit, but, was trying to make it easier on him, leaving stuff. The house went into foreclosure and he had to rent an apartment.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you can't agree, get ready for a long, arduous, expensive battle in the court system.

If you can get him to agree to mediation, that may help. But ya. Disagreements = big $$$ in divorce court.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Always keep in mind that the term "contested divorce" literally means nothing more than a steady stream of family money into the already deep pockets of the lawyer and his practice. It's only when you can no longer afford to pay their rather hefty fee schedule will an attorney ever advocate such money savers as mediation.

For as long as your financial resources continue to hold out, that lawyer of yours will normally continue to protract things out to keep that hourly meter of theirs fastly in operation.

And always remember that that very same lawyer of yours will always stay as nasty, uncooperative, and ill-dispositioned to the opposing side... for just as long as you can continue to pay for it all!*


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## fitchick1961 (May 5, 2015)

I Know, thats why I have decided to talk to my husband and see if we can work it out ourselves. If not, I'm going to see if he will agree to mediation. I Told my lawyer this was how I was going to go right now, and she was very supportive, said just make sure whatever agreement we would come to we show our lawyers,his especially. I've only spent 2500 so far, and I dont want to spend any more. I Don't have it


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