# Am I reading too much into my wife's sister flirty moves towards me?



## unsureman

i have been married for 6 years now. my wife and i both work and are in our early 30s. my sister in law is 22 and she is living with us after graduation from college because she is having a hard time finding a job.

i don't mind her moving in at all. we were always friendly- going out to dinners, bars, etc. and just talking. however, ever since last summer, i have been having some alarms go off in my head.

Katarina (my wife's sister) has been much more flirty towards me than ever before. here are some examples:

- she always likes to touch me (simple things like brushes on shoulders and stuff)

-makes sexual jokes about my ***** and about my sex life with my wife. (one time she said that she is more flexible than my wife and could show me a great time but of course she was kidding)

- she purposefully walks around semi-nude a lot of the time but NEVER EVER when my wife is here.

- when my wife went to the gym, she came into my room after her shower in a towel and started chatting with me. then she just sat down on my bed and was putting lotion on herself. she asked me to do her legs for her and I blushed. So she just grabbed my arm and put it on her thigh so I did. She even pushed her hand really far up her leg and I know she was not wearing panties since she came out of the shower.

- i pretended to be her boyfriend to make some dude jealous and she kissed me without my permission. the kiss was full force and it was last weekend and i don't know if i should tell my wife


I asked her to stop doing these things and she just calls me an old man and to lighten up. to be fair, i am uptight sometimes so maybe I am overreacting.

i told my wife about most of her flirty behavior and my wife just laughs it off as jokes. i don't buy it though. i am not the hottest man in the world but it could be that she wants something more.

should i tell my wife about the kiss? i don't want my sister in law to get in trouble. my wife practically raised her.


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## Jasel

You need to tell you wife that this is serious and make arrangements to find your SIL some other place to live ASAP.


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## Blue Firefly

Unless you are planning on trading in your wife for the 22 year old version, get her out of the house now.

I saw this happen to someone. "Before he knew what happened," he was having sex with his sister in-law.

Never underestimate a sibling rivalry. You've got little sister 8 years younger than the big sister. Younger enough to have always been "the little one" or the one that never measured up to her big sis. Now (at 22 vs 30+) she's the younger, prettier version of her big sister and has a chance to show her up by "stealing her man." And by steal, I mean showing her sister she could if she wanted to.


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## unsureman

but where would she live? she has no other relatives and parents are not in the picture. i can't kick her out and I HAVE NO INTEREST TO DO ANYTHING BAD with her.

i just feel bad for this whole thing and you guys are right there is a lot of sibling rivalry.

maybe i'll tell my wife tonight but let me talk to my sister in law one more time and tell her to cut this all out.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

unsureman said:


> i have been married for 6 years now. my wife and i both work and are in our early 30s. my sister in law is 22 and she is living with us after graduation from college because she is having a hard time finding a job.
> 
> i don't mind her moving in at all. we were always friendly- going out to dinners, bars, etc. and just talking. however, ever since last summer, i have been having some alarms go off in my head.
> 
> Katarina (my wife's sister) has been much more flirty towards me than ever before. here are some examples:
> 
> - she always likes to touch me (simple things like brushes on shoulders and stuff)
> 
> -makes sexual jokes about my ***** and about my sex life with my wife. (one time she said that she is more flexible than my wife and could show me a great time but of course she was kidding)
> 
> - she purposefully walks around semi-nude a lot of the time but NEVER EVER when my wife is here.
> 
> - when my wife went to the gym, she came into my room after her shower in a towel and started chatting with me. then she just sat down on my bed and was putting lotion on herself. she asked me to do her legs for her and I blushed. So she just grabbed my arm and put it on her thigh so I did. She even pushed her hand really far up her leg and I know she was not wearing panties since she came out of the shower.
> 
> - i pretended to be her boyfriend to make some dude jealous and she kissed me without my permission. the kiss was full force and it was last weekend and i don't know if i should tell my wife
> 
> 
> I asked her to stop doing these things and she just calls me an old man and to lighten up. to be fair, i am uptight sometimes so maybe I am overreacting.
> 
> i told my wife about most of her flirty behavior and my wife just laughs it off as jokes. i don't buy it though. i am not the hottest man in the world but it could be that she wants something more.
> 
> should i tell my wife about the kiss? i don't want my sister in law to get in trouble. my wife practically raised her.


Tell you're Wife, everything, then ask her what she want's you to do about it. Maybe your SIL doesn't realize the slippery slope she's put you on by doing this. Maybe she does, but doesn't care. For years my XW's Sister was very touchy feely with me. She didn't hide it and my ex seemed to be fine with it, so I didn't worry about it. THEN one night we got into an argument and BINGO, "Are you fvcking my Sister! comes out. I was shocked, then I got p1ssed. This didn't go away overnight either. When ever my x-SIL and I were together after that, my ex would give me dirty looks when my SIL wasn't looking. I still think my ex believes that something happened between her Sister and I.

Nip this in the bud, NOW.


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## Jasel

unsureman said:


> but where would she live? she has no other relatives and parents are not in the picture. i can't kick her out and I HAVE NO INTEREST TO DO ANYTHING BAD with her.
> 
> i just feel bad for this whole thing and you guys are right there is a lot of sibling rivalry.
> 
> maybe i'll tell my wife tonight but let me talk to my sister in law one more time and tell her to cut this all out.


You need to prioritize here. This woman is threatening your marriage. Where would she live if your wife caught you guys ****ing or her half naked throwing herself at you??

It doesn't matter if you "have no interest". Most people who find themselves in these situations don't have any bad intentions yet these things have a habit of spiraling out of control and turning out badly anyway. You've already pretended to be her boyfriend and kissed her. I don't care who initated it or the circumstances around that. You're already on a slippery slope.

I wouldn't tell the sister in law anything. She's not the one you need to be interacting with. Period. As a matter of fact I'd try to avoid being alone with her as much as possible.

You need to sit down with your wife, tell her this is dead serious, lay out ALL of your SIL's behavior and tell her the current living situation is unacceptable. Period.

Don't *****foot or tap dance around this if you value your marriage. This is a pretty ugly situation you're in and you need to be proactive.


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## tacoma

Chances are if your wife's much younger sister is flirting with you your wife is the reason not you.

How is their relationship?
What's it like?

Don't be manipulated.


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## *LittleDeer*

OK, you are not the helpless victim here. You could have set her straight many times, like when she walked into your room in a towel, you should have said "Get out of my room" if she wouldn't leave, you should have left the house. She was ina towel I doubt she would have followed you.

And with the lotion thing, even though she put your hand on her, YOU complied. You did not leave.

Stop doing this stuff. She is the instigator, but you can help put a stop to it.

You need to write your wife a letter detailing all of the things that have happened. Then tell her you refuse to live with her sister under these circumstances.

Don't minimise it, and don 't let your wife minimise it.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

unsureman said:


> but where would she live? she has no other relatives and parents are not in the picture. i can't kick her out and I HAVE NO INTEREST TO DO ANYTHING BAD with her.
> 
> i just feel bad for this whole thing and you guys are right there is a lot of sibling rivalry.
> 
> maybe i'll tell my wife tonight but let me talk to my sister in law one more time and tell her to cut this all out.


I would just tell your Wife. If you try to work this out directly with your SIL, that in it's self could get your Wife mad at you.

My x-SIL and I NEVER had sex, but you couldn't tell my ex that and she was fine with the flirting for the YEARS prior. I'm telling you from experience. If the tables were turned, would you want your Wife to try to work it out with you Brother, or come directlry to you...


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## verpin zal

You need to tell your wife about the whole situation, including the kiss.

If there's anyone who knows your SIL better than you ever will, it's your wife.

Make it known right away.


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## SaltInWound

Until you get her out of your house, I suggest you keep a VAR on you at all times when your wife is not home. I also would lock the bedroom door to keep her out of your room.


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## JustSomeGuyWho

Obviously you are not reading too much into this.

First, it is you that is letting her get away with acting inappropriately. The next time she does, you need to tell her it is completely inappropriate.

Second, you need to be completely honest with your wife. I doubt if she would consider the leg thing as just kidding. You may have told her some things but you need to paint the whole picture.

Third, if you let this continue something is going to happen. You may find her joining you in the shower or jumping on top of you naked while you are changing. Are you going to be able to resist that? Some men can but I would venture it would be really tempting for any man. You CAN'T let anything happen. It will ruin your marriage and this girl isn't interested in becoming your next wife ... and given her behavior, any relationship with her is doomed to heartbreak and failure.

You need to get her out of the house. While you figure out how to do that, make yourself scarce if you find that you will be alone with her.


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## Maricha75

It really is a very simple concept... "No, SIL, I won't pretend to be your bf"... "SIL, don't ever f'n try to kiss me again." (And this you say around those who saw it happen)... "SIL, get the FVCK out of MY BEDROOM! NOW!" See? Easy. 

Oh! And even better? "Honey, I'm getting a weird vibe from your sister. I think she's coming on to me and it makes me uncomfortable. I would rather you discuss with her why this is inappropriate." But you didn't do any of that. Gee... I wonder why....


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## weightlifter

She is semi nude??? Something covered by a bikini is visible???

If you are seeing butt nipples or cooter you know the answer.


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## MattMatt

unsureman said:


> *but where would she live?* she has no other relatives and parents are not in the picture. i can't kick her out and I HAVE NO INTEREST TO DO ANYTHING BAD with her.
> 
> i just feel bad for this whole thing and you guys are right there is a lot of sibling rivalry.
> 
> maybe i'll tell my wife tonight but let me talk to my sister in law one more time and tell her to cut this all out.


_*Where would she live*_? And that's your problem, *how*?:scratchhead:

The fact that she wants to steal you from your wife? *That's *your problem, mate! *That's* the problem you have to address!


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## unbelievable

I'm going to disagree with the others here and say this isn't your wife's problem. If any woman acts or speaks inappropriately to you, it's your place to set that woman straight. This woman is a threat to your marriage only if play along. Sounds like some sibling rivalry going on. She wants what big sis has. She'd probably lose interest in you about the same time you developed an interest in her.
I would try the direct approach first. Tell her she's family and you and your wife are happy to help her out but you aren't single, you aren't interested, and she'll put some clothes on and watch her mouth or she'll have to go. 
Getting your wife involved would do two things....#1. It'll cause family drama that'll make life strange for a long long long time, making a small problem between two people a big problem between lots of people. #2. It'll convey to your wife that you consider yourself vulnerable to approaches by other women. (Honey, you gotta get this hot woman out of here before I have sex with her.). See what I mean? 
Only crazy people persist in an action that doesn't yield some reward, so if this inappropriate behavior of her's is persistent, it's because you have given her the idea you like it. You said she makes sexual jokeS, not made a sexual joke. She "touches" you, not "touched" you. These things are repeated because you didn't put a stop to them the first time. That's on you. Not your wife's fault and, really, not your SIL's fault. If someone threatens the boundaries of your marriage, it's your job to set them straight...immediately. If your wife were at work and some guy was touching her and basically propositioning her sexually, isn't it her job to shoot him down?


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## Numbersixxx

Grow some [email protected] and order the little brat to stop it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75

unbelievable said:


> I'm going to disagree with the others here and say this isn't your wife's problem. If any woman acts or speaks inappropriately to you, it's your place to set that woman straight. This woman is a threat to your marriage only if play along. Sounds like some sibling rivalry going on. She wants what big sis has. She'd probably lose interest in you about the same time you developed an interest in her.
> I would try the direct approach first. Tell her she's family and you and your wife are happy to help her out but you aren't single, you aren't interested, and she'll put some clothes on and watch her mouth or she'll have to go.
> Getting your wife involved would do two things....#1. It'll cause family drama that'll make life strange for a long long long time, making a small problem between two people a big problem between lots of people. #2. It'll convey to your wife that you consider yourself vulnerable to approaches by other women. (Honey, you gotta get this hot woman out of here before I have sex with her.). See what I mean?
> Only crazy people persist in an action that doesn't yield some reward, so if this inappropriate behavior of her's is persistent, it's because you have given her the idea you like it. You said she makes sexual jokeS, not made a sexual joke. She "touches" you, not "touched" you. These things are repeated because you didn't put a stop to them the first time. That's on you. Not your wife's fault and, really, not your SIL's fault. If someone threatens the boundaries of your marriage, it's your job to set them straight...immediately. If your wife were at work and some guy was touching her and basically propositioning her sexually, isn't it her job to shoot him down?


Hmmmm...actually, this is right. Get rid of the little slvt yourself. But I still believe your wife needs to know wtf is going on. She needs to know that her ho sister is making advances on her husband. And, she needs to know that you've put her in her place (here's a hint... it's not at the end of your penis). Grow a pair and get the kid out of your house. Who the hell cares where she lives? Not your problem since she can't seem to keep her hands off her sister's husband AND YOU can't seem to tell her to back the fvck off!

I swear I've seen this story before....


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## the guy

I think it time you sit this little tease down along with your wife and lay out some boundaries.

And #1 one on the list is no kissing, # 2 no more walking around the house half nude, and #3 your SIL is never ever allowed in your room again with of with out clothes.

Come on man when in the hell are you going to start running your house hold?

I think your wife will stop laughing when you take a picture of your SIL when your wife is not around.

Again you must make a statement that you will not tolorate this teasing and if it continues you and your wife will send her packing.


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## tacoma

MattMatt said:


> [
> 
> The fact that she wants to steal you from your wife? *That's *your problem, mate! *That's* the problem you have to address!



The funny thing is the sister doesn't really want him.
She just wants to ruin him for her sister.

He's falling for it.
He's allowing himself to be used as a tool to hurt his wife bad.


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## Lordhavok

You better listen up man, people are giving you good advice, your starting down a slippery slope to a puddle of sh*t that you dont have the shoes for.


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## Wiserforit

Apply boot to rear end of little fanny.


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## unbelievable

If you rat her out to your wife at this point, the first thing that'll come out of your wife's mouth will be, "and what did you tell her when she said she was more flexible than me and that she would show you a good time?" A babbling response or a deer in the headlights moment would not be good at that moment.


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## BobSimmons

If this is true..

Why would a grown man go to a forum and ask what to do? What do you think you should do. 

As other said set her straight. If someone grabs your hand to put lotion on their thigh it's because you allowed it...or maybe she just has some impressive hand strength to force your hand there..but most likely you meekly surrendered.

You tell your wife in no uncertain terms what is going on but first you talk to her and you tell her to keep to kosher and no nonsense.


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## arbitrator

This is starting to get way out of bounds! You owe full disclosure of the entire occurence to your wife, the sooner the better. It is far more preferable that she hears about these events directly from you rather than from somebody else!


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## I got this

Learn to say no and assert your boundaries. 

Try these

1. No 
2. No I cant
3. No im not comfortable with that
4. No thank you
5. Please go put some clothes on
6. Im not comfortable with blankety blank so please dont ask
7. We have a different sense of boundaries. Please respect mine.


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## Will_Kane

unsureman said:


> i have been married for 6 years now. my wife and i both work and are in our early 30s. my sister in law is 22 and she is living with us after graduation from college because she is having a hard time finding a job.
> 
> i don't mind her moving in at all. we were always friendly- going out to dinners, bars, etc. and just talking. however, ever since last summer, i have been having some alarms go off in my head.
> 
> Katarina (my wife's sister) has been much more flirty towards me than ever before. here are some examples:
> 
> - she always likes to touch me (simple things like brushes on shoulders and stuff)
> 
> -makes sexual jokes about my ***** and about my sex life with my wife. (one time she said that she is more flexible than my wife and could show me a great time but of course she was kidding)
> 
> - she purposefully walks around semi-nude a lot of the time but NEVER EVER when my wife is here.
> 
> - when my wife went to the gym, she came into my room after her shower in a towel and started chatting with me. then she just sat down on my bed and was putting lotion on herself. she asked me to do her legs for her and I blushed. So she just grabbed my arm and put it on her thigh so I did. She even pushed her hand really far up her leg and I know she was not wearing panties since she came out of the shower.
> 
> - i pretended to be her boyfriend to make some dude jealous and she kissed me without my permission. the kiss was full force and it was last weekend and i don't know if i should tell my wife
> 
> 
> I asked her to stop doing these things and she just calls me an old man and to lighten up. to be fair, i am uptight sometimes so maybe I am overreacting.
> 
> i told my wife about most of her flirty behavior and my wife just laughs it off as jokes. i don't buy it though. i am not the hottest man in the world but it could be that she wants something more.
> 
> should i tell my wife about the kiss? i don't want my sister in law to get in trouble. my wife practically raised her.


Yes, she's after you sexually. She's in competition with her sister, it doesn't have that much to do with you. It's to stroke her ego and prove to herself and her sister that she's (hotter, prettier, more desirable, better - you fill in the blank). It's not uncommon among teenage sisters and best friends to want to "win" each other's boyfriends. She's 22, but she's not a mature 22, she's kind of like a teenage 22.

Be completely honest with your wife. Be very adamant with the sister. Never again give in to put yourself in a compromising position - to put lotion on her or pretend you're her boyfriend.

You are headed for a world of trouble. Little sis wants to out-do big sis. I'm guessing big sis doesn't know that little sis harbors some type of resentment against her.

Tell your wife everything before this goes any further. If your wife doesn't believe you, tell her to leave a camera hidden where little sis prances around half-dressed.


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## SaltInWound

Mr Used To Know said:


> Learn to say no and assert your boundaries.
> 
> Try these
> 
> 1. No
> 2. No I cant
> 3. No im not comfortable with that
> 4. No thank you
> 5. Please go put some clothes on
> 6. Im not comfortable with blankety blank so please dont ask
> 7. We have a different sense of boundaries. Please respect mine.


His response seems to be: 

Don't. Stop


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## Maricha75

Mr Used To Know said:


> Learn to say no and assert your boundaries.
> 
> Try these
> 
> 1. No
> 2. No I cant
> 3. No im not comfortable with that
> 4. No thank you
> 5. Please go put some clothes on
> 6. Im not comfortable with blankety blank so please dont ask
> 7. We have a different sense of boundaries. Please respect mine.


I still like mine: "Get the f*ck out!" It applies to just his room, his car, his house... everything.


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## Maricha75

SaltInWound said:


> His response seems to be:
> 
> Don't. Stop


Reminds me of something one of my high school teachers discussed with us regarding punctuation... the words were "don't stop that"... He said it has a very different meaning, depending on how you say it... "Don't! Stop that!" vs "Son't stop *that*!"


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## JustSomeGuyWho

Maricha75 said:


> I still like mine: "Get the f*ck out!" It applies to just his room, his car, his house... everything.


If that doesn't do the trick, I don't know what will.


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## Thound

Could your wife have set her up to do this to see how far you will go?


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## Maricha75

Thound said:


> Could your wife have set her up to do this to see how far you will go?


If so... he's failing, miserably


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## I got this

Thound said:


> Could your wife have set her up to do this to see how far you will go?


If she did throw them both out.


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## JustSomeGuyWho

Thound said:


> Could your wife have set her up to do this to see how far you will go?


That would be ... odd. "I know! I'll dangle my half naked sister in front of my husband to see if he'll fvck her!" In that case, he has a lot more to worry about than his sister-in-law.


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## ThePheonix

Anything can be in the works so be careful. A likelihood is the SIL will say you're coming on to her. Tread carefully. It's shocking the percentage of women who concoct stories about men when they get rejected and often times just for the hell of it. It happened to a friend of mine. His SIL actually claimed he tried to force himself on her. Luckily he had an air tight alibi and had to prove he was in another location at the time of the alleged incident. His guardian angel was looking out for him.


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## Entropy3000

unsureman said:


> but where would she live? she has no other relatives and parents are not in the picture. i can't kick her out and I HAVE NO INTEREST TO DO ANYTHING BAD with her.
> 
> i just feel bad for this whole thing and you guys are right there is a lot of sibling rivalry.
> 
> maybe i'll tell my wife tonight but let me talk to my sister in law one more time and tell her to cut this all out.


You cannot be for real my friend because the only thing that is worse than her sister doing these things is your behavior. You should tell her to get some clothes on and tell your wife what is going on.

There is no woman on the face of this planet who can force me to rub her thigh while she sits on my bed in a towel.

Also it would be totally inappropriate for you to act like her BF.

So the first thing you need to do is stop being unfaithful to your wife.


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## the guy

If this is real both women in Op's house have very little respect for him. 
Again get control of your house and stop this nonsense.


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## unbelievable

"but, Honey, she was nearly naked and she came in my room and forced me to put lotion on her thighs....and ...and..just last week, she made me pretend to be her boyfriend....and...and...kiss her square on the mouth...and...and.." Yeah, lay that trip on your wife and see what happens. At this point, you aren't a victim, you're a co-defendant and you need to extricate yourself from this conspiracy quickly and firmly.


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## AngryandUsed

I dont buy this stuff. Sorry.

OP sould put a clear line and not let his sister in law in. I dont think a woman of 22 will behave like that, even if she had such a crush. She knows his wife is around and this man is married to her sister.


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## EleGirl

Get a VAR (voice activated recorder). Have it on your person anytime your SIL is in the house or anywhere else and you are there. 

Have responses ready and just repeat them to her. "Get out of my room now!", "get away from me. I'm not interested in risking my marriage." 

come up with a few short responses and just use them to tell her to stop. Make sure you get recordings of you telling her to get away from you.


Stop going places like bars with you SIL. Never, ever go anywhere with her if your wife is not by your side.


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## unbelievable

"Am I reading too much into my wife's sister flirty moves towards me?" 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the first thing you wrote...your own completely unsolicited words. After you wrote the somewhat lengthy initial post, you asked about telling your wife. Any decent interrogator would tell you that your primary question isn't how to end it or how or if to tell your wife but "is this woman really serious about having sex with me?" If that is your true question, you are already fantasizing about it. If that weren't the case, it wouldn't matter to you whether this woman's flirtation was serious or not. To answer your real question, then, the woman sounds like a tramp and typical tramp behavior would hold that she would probably let you do her every way from Sunday. Would that be in your best interest? Hardly. Would it be worth what you will lose? Not even if she has a joy buzzer surgically inserted in her nether regions. You are better off inserting your willie in a meat grinder.


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## roostr

No, I don't think you need to say anything. So far noting happened. In my opinion it is up to YOU to discourage her but I don't think you are, You realize you will destroy their relationship by exposing this when all you really need to do is put an end to this behavior before anything of substance happens. The ball is totally in your court, the simple solution is to send a massage to the sister. When she acts like this and tries to tease/tempt you, simply ignore her, distract the conversation, talk about you and your wife, she will get the hint, if not tell her to move the frig out even without letting your wife know you told her to move. Something tells me there is part of this scenario that you like, otherwise you would not have went along with any part of it so far, better get your head out of your a$$ as you are playing with fire.


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## unbelievable

If your houseguest was your wife's gay brother or her fat, ugly sister, would you have rubbed lotion on her thigh, taken her to a bar, and pretended to be boyfriend, complete with kissing on the mouth? If the answer is "no", you have boundaries, they are just not correctly placed, faithfully enforced, or enforced for the right reasons.


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## Zing

I agree with unbelievable's post above...

Wow... you say your wife practically raised her and is now housing the 22 year old... and THIS is how this girl chooses to repay her OWN sister??? How vile and ungrateful!!!! 

If she could do that to the one person who's primarily cared for her, then I'm guessing she could be capable of a lot lot worse to people who supposedly mean lesser to her in life...hope you get the gist...

Now THAT thought in itself should be capable of making you despise your sis-in-law and her advances (however good looking/seductive she might be!)

What if the tables turned around - what if it was your (more handsome looking) younger brother (that you'd raised and housed) making the moves on your wife when you're not around... would you like to know about it...would you like for your wife to put a firm stop to it or just laugh it off every now and again...would you like for her to get to grips on the situation or to act all innocent and still be asking strangers on an online forum if this was flirty indeed.... :scratchhead:

Now, do to others what you would like done to you...


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## Zing

Entropy3000 said:


> You cannot be for real my friend because the only thing that is worse than her sister doing these things is your behavior. *You should tell her to get some clothes on and tell your wife what is going on.
> 
> There is no woman on the face of this planet who can force me to rub her thigh while she sits on my bed in a towel.*
> 
> So the first thing you need to do is stop being unfaithful to your wife.


A *swoon* worthy reply..... just saying...


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## Chaparral

Sister may think you are acreep and she is trying to prove it.


If you are this weak/meek, your wife will eventually find a stronger man.


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## SadSamIAm

I agree with Chapparal. It could all just be a test. You wife's sister is testing you to see if you would be unfaithful.

I suggest a meeting with your wife and sister present. Get it all out in the open. Then if any 'flirting' happens, call out the SIL right away.


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## unsureman

last night i pulled my sister in law outside and told her forcefully that what she was doing was inappropriate and that i felt uncomfortable. 

she said she was sorry and that she really meant no harm. she did say that she found me cute and handsome but it was just a "school girl crush". she said she would respect my household and not do anything provocative. i told her that i had to let her sister know about all of this.

she then begged me not to say anything. she got really desperate and had tears in her eyes. "i don't want to get kicked out", etc. i decided to not say anything and told her that as long as she does not do it anymore, it will be our little secret.

but something happened later that night. we were all watching a movie on the couch under the blanket. my sister in law placed her hand on my thigh so i removed it and then she kind of said loudly, "don't touch my hand". she made it seem like i was the instigator.

my wife looked at us funny and i didn't say anything. i think my sister in law is trying to turn the tables on me and playing me for a fool. i am leaning towards telling my wife today when my sis in law goes out but i don't want to cause chaos. how should i word it?


----------



## Jasel

> how should i word it?


TELL YOUR WIFE EVERYTHING YOUR SISTER IN LAW HAS BEEN DOING AS WELL AS YOUR INVOLVEMENT IN IT AND WHAT STEPS YOU'VE TAKEN TO TRY TO GET IT TO STOP.

I'm sorry I don't know how to possibly dumb that down even more. Your priority needs to be your marriage and your relationship with your wife. Not the fallout for your sister in law whose behavior is beyond innaprorpriate and the chaos from the actions SHE HERSELF has caused all on her own.

It's time to put on your big boy pants.


----------



## naga75

dude.
tell your wife. your SIL is setting you up, and when SHE tells your wife, its going to go bad for you.
as has been said, its YOUR house. let your balls drop and take control of YOUR situation.
and pretending to be her BF to "make some dude jealous"...? thats straight outta high school or something. grow up.
another hint, dont cover yourself with the same blanket as your SIL.
that would um kinda seem like an obvious decision.


----------



## bfree

The next post is going to be "I was taking a nap and having a dream that my wife was on top of me and we were having sex. When I woke up and opened my eyes I saw it was my wife's sister. What do I do now!"

Can any man really be this naive?


----------



## BobSimmons

unsureman said:


> last night i pulled my sister in law outside and told her forcefully that what she was doing was inappropriate and that i felt uncomfortable.
> 
> she said she was sorry and that she really meant no harm. she did say that she found me cute and handsome but it was just a "school girl crush". she said she would respect my household and not do anything provocative. i told her that i had to let her sister know about all of this.
> 
> she then begged me not to say anything. she got really desperate and had tears in her eyes. "i don't want to get kicked out", etc. i decided to not say anything and told her that as long as she does not do it anymore, it will be our little secret.
> 
> but something happened later that night. we were all watching a movie on the couch under the blanket. my sister in law placed her hand on my thigh so i removed it and then she kind of said loudly, "don't touch my hand". she made it seem like i was the instigator.
> 
> my wife looked at us funny and i didn't say anything. i think my sister in law is trying to turn the tables on me and playing me for a fool. i am leaning towards telling my wife today when my sis in law goes out but i don't want to cause chaos. how should i word it?


Your problem was not telling your wife. This is what keeping secrets does. So essentially she walks around half naked, touches you, lets you touch her..and it's "your little secret" ?

It's funny how this story is similar to another one posted somewhere else..

You tell your wife what is going on and you kick this woman out. If she's going to game play and potentially not only put your marriage at risk but also alleges inappropriate actions could lead to a whole lot of trouble with the law.

You talk to your wife and tell her that stuff we talked about and you laughed off is serious and it needs to be dealt with now.


----------



## Jasel

bfree said:


> The next post is going to be "I was taking a nap and having a dream that my wife was on top of me and we were having sex. When I woke up and opened my eyes I saw it was my wife's sister. What do I do now!"
> 
> Can any man really be this naive?


Rarely do I read a post that makes me actually laugh out loud but that did it:lol:


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

unsureman said:


> but something happened later that night. we were all watching a movie on the couch under the blanket. my sister in law placed her hand on my thigh so i removed it and then she kind of said loudly, "don't touch my hand". she made it seem like i was the instigator.


Uhmm, what are you doing watching a movie at night under a blanket snuggling right next to your sister-in-law?


----------



## unbelievable

How incredibly stupid does one have to be? One moment, telling a clearly inappropriate 22 year old to back off, hearing her admit she has a "crush" on you, and the next, you're sitting next to her on the couch, covered with a blanket? You have either lost your mind entirely or you wanted some physical contact with her. If this thread is about anything remotely resembling the truth, you are at least as guilty as she is. I mean, seriously! Told her to back off and her immediate response is to tell you you're cute and handsome? Wasn't a very convincing or forceful lecture. Besides, your actions (sitting beside her under a blanket) didn't agree with your words. When someone's actions don't agree with their words, the ACTIONS ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH.


----------



## Maricha75

bfree said:


> The next post is going to be "I was taking a nap and having a dream that my wife was on top of me and we were having sex. When I woke up and opened my eyes I saw it was my wife's sister. What do I do now!"
> 
> Can any man really be this naive?


Pretty close to a scene in 40 Days and 40 Nights. 

Oh and... like we didn't see THAT coming a mile away.


----------



## norajane

unsureman said:


> last night i pulled my sister in law outside and told her forcefully that what she was doing was inappropriate and that i felt uncomfortable.
> 
> she said she was sorry and that she really meant no harm. she did say that she found me cute and handsome but it was just a "school girl crush". she said she would respect my household and not do anything provocative. i told her that i had to let her sister know about all of this.
> 
> she then begged me not to say anything. she got really desperate and had tears in her eyes. "i don't want to get kicked out", etc. i decided to not say anything and told her that as long as she does not do it anymore, it will be our little secret.
> 
> *but something happened later that night. we were all watching a movie on the couch under the blanket. my sister in law placed her hand on my thigh so i removed it and then she kind of said loudly, "don't touch my hand". she made it seem like i was the instigator.*
> 
> my wife looked at us funny and i didn't say anything. i think my sister in law is trying to turn the tables on me and playing me for a fool. i am leaning towards telling my wife today when my sis in law goes out but i don't want to cause chaos. how should i word it?


Yes, now that you've warned your SIL that you would tell your wife, SIL is going to do everything in her power to turn this around so that you look like the instigator.

The longer you wait to tell your wife, the more your SIL will do to make it seem as though you are the one chasing her.


----------



## Maricha75

unbelievable said:


> How incredibly stupid does one have to be? One moment, telling a clearly inappropriate 22 year old to back off, hearing her admit she has a "crush" on you, and the next, you're sitting next to her on the couch, covered with a blanket? You have either lost your mind entirely or you wanted some physical contact with her. If this thread is about anything remotely resembling the truth, you are at least as guilty as she is. I mean, seriously! *Told her to back off and her immediate response is to tell you you're cute and handsome?* Wasn't a very convincing or forceful lecture. Besides, your actions (sitting beside her under a blanket) didn't agree with your words. When someone's actions don't agree with their words, the ACTIONS ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH.


Don't forget that it's "just a school girl crush"... yea... 22 year old school girl crush... sorry, I call bs on that one!

But, now, the wife is more than likely going to believe her poor, misunderstood, baby sister over her lecherous husband... I mean, he DID touch her hand (to remove it from his thigh)...and the wife saw it. Yep, I see it playing out that way because he succumbed to so many of the girl's prior advances.


----------



## unsureman

i was under the blanket with my wife and she was to my side. my sister in law came in and sat down next to me and put the blanket over her legs. what was i supposed to do? just tell her to get lost?

i admit i should have put a stop to this earlier but perhaps some part of me did like the attention but after reading about what infidelity does to people, i want no part of it.

i am going to tell my wife soon. i don't want this going out of control. 

at the same time, i have knows my sister in law for a long time and feel bad kicking her out....


----------



## unbelievable

If an unemployed, homeless, 22 year old sister or close friend of my wife hit on me and I was 30 or older, I'd immediately smell a set-up. Either my wife and her were in cahoots to test me or this homeless, unemployed person might find it handy to get me in a compromising position and then use our little secret to blackmail me. No decent-looking 22 year woman has to go far for male attention but this one obviously could use money.


----------



## norajane

unsureman said:


> i am going to tell my wife soon.


Why don't you tell your wife *right now*? What are you waiting for?



> i don't want this going out of control.


It's already way out of control.


----------



## unbelievable

Immediately get up and move to another seat? Find something else to do? Keep your hands outside the blanket? If a lion walks in the room, you aren't obligated to stick your head in it's mouth.


----------



## unsureman

i am writing a letter detailing everything and then verbally saying it to her too.


----------



## EleGirl

unsureman said:


> last night i pulled my sister in law outside and told her forcefully that what she was doing was inappropriate and that i felt uncomfortable.
> 
> she said she was sorry and that she really meant no harm. she did say that she found me cute and handsome but it was just a "school girl crush". she said she would respect my household and not do anything provocative. i told her that i had to let her sister know about all of this.
> 
> she then begged me not to say anything. she got really desperate and had tears in her eyes. "i don't want to get kicked out", etc. i decided to not say anything and told her that as long as she does not do it anymore, it will be our little secret.
> 
> but something happened later that night. we were all watching a movie on the couch under the blanket. my sister in law placed her hand on my thigh so i removed it and then she kind of said loudly, "don't touch my hand". she made it seem like i was the instigator.
> 
> my wife looked at us funny and i didn't say anything. i think my sister in law is trying to turn the tables on me and playing me for a fool. i am leaning towards telling my wife today when my sis in law goes out but i don't want to cause chaos. how should i word it?


Good for telling the SIL to stop. 

She obviously does not believe that you are going to ever tell your wife.. after all it's "your little secret". How cute.

What's up with all of you watching TV under the same blanket? And then SIL sits next to you? She needs to be on the far side next to her sister. Or she needs to go sit on her own chair with her own blanket.


----------



## EleGirl

Jasel said:


> TELL YOUR WIFE EVERYTHING YOUR SISTER IN LAW HAS BEEN DOING AS WELL AS YOUR INVOLVEMENT IN IT AND WHAT STEPS YOU'VE TAKEN TO TRY TO GET IT TO STOP.
> 
> I'm sorry I don't know how to possibly dumb that down even more. Your priority needs to be your marriage and your relationship with your wife. Not the fallout for your sister in law whose behavior is beyond innaprorpriate and the chaos from the actions SHE HERSELF has caused all on her own.
> 
> It's time to put on your big boy pants.


Have another tough talk with your SIL like you did last night. But this time have a VAR on you. You will capture both sides of the conversation. This will make it to that you have evidence if your SIL tries to turn this on you. 

You need to get really serious about this. Your SIL is going to break up your marriage if you don't.


----------



## EleGirl

unsureman said:


> i was under the blanket with my wife and she was to my side. my sister in law came in and sat down next to me and put the blanket over her legs. what was i supposed to do? just tell her to get lost?
> 
> i admit i should have put a stop to this earlier but perhaps some part of me did like the attention but after reading about what infidelity does to people, i want no part of it.
> 
> i am going to tell my wife soon. i don't want this going out of control.
> 
> at the same time, i have knows my sister in law for a long time and feel bad kicking her out....


What you say to SIL when she sits next to you is 

"Please find another seat. The only woman I snuggle up to is my lovely wife."


----------



## Maricha75

unsureman said:


> i am writing a letter detailing everything and then verbally saying it to her too.


Here's a thought... copy and paste what you told us here. Print it out, telling her what happened, and give the written description to her. No point in waiting any longer than it takes to print this off.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

unsureman said:


> i was under the blanket with my wife and she was to my side. my sister in law came in and sat down next to me and put the blanket over her legs. *what was i supposed to do? just tell her to get lost?*


YES! You just had a discussion where you told her what she is doing is inappropriate and needs to stop and then she comes over and sits right next to you pulling the blanket that you are using over her legs. You have no boundaries do you? 

If you weren't having this issue with her then letting her sit next to you and sharing a blanket might be just fine ... but you are having this problem with her, further demonstrated by the fact she put her hand on your thigh under the blanket.


----------



## Blue Firefly

unsureman said:


> i am going to tell my wife soon


Wrong answer!

Correct answer: I am going to tell my wife NOW.

Get up from the computer, walk over to your wife, go to a room by yourselves, and tell her. *Right now!*

If you post one more post here and still haven't told your wife, then everyone here will know you aren't serious about solving this problem. In that case, you'll get what you deserve--which will probably end up being a divorce.


----------



## unbelievable

Maricha75 said:


> Here's a thought... copy and paste what you told us here. Print it out, telling her what happened, and give the written description to her. No point in waiting any longer than it takes to print this off.


Don't know that I'd pursue this course. Your wife probably would come to the same conclusion many of us have...that you've encouraged or invited much of this allegedly unwanted contact. I think this grenade has an extremely short fuse. Also, an even worse idea than engaging in incriminating conduct is doing so and then writing about it or recording it. There is "suspicion" and there is "evidence". If your SIL is a deceitful liar, your wife already knows. She grew up with her and almost raised her. Unless your reputation is worse with your wife, your wife knows who to believe in a "he said/she said" scenario.


----------



## Maricha75

unbelievable said:


> Don't know that I'd pursue this course. Your wife probably would come to the same conclusion many of us have...that you've encouraged or invited much of this allegedly unwanted contact. I think this grenade has an extremely short fuse. Also, an even worse idea than engaging in incriminating conduct is doing so and then writing about it or recording it.  There is "suspicion" and there is "evidence". If your SIL is a deceitful liar, your wife already knows. She grew up with her and almost raised her. Unless your reputation is worse with your wife, your wife knows who to believe in a "he said/she said" scenario.


Sure... and the incident last night definitely helped his case. Sorry, I still say he should have gone to his wife when the girl started her sh*t in the first place. But now, she has the incident last night, where her sister said "Don't touch my hand!"... after giving her a "lecture" about her behavior. I don't see this ending well, no matter what. Regardless, he should tell her what all has happened... now, not later. Write it out, but AFTER telling his wife what's gone on.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

Without reading most of the thread, basically everyone nailed it. What your SIL doing is violating boundaries, and she's showing her older sister ZERO respect. You need to get her out of the house and tell your wife everything that's happening. Otherwise, you risk your SIL turning the tables on you and possibly telling a lie or two about you to get you in trouble. If you ever succumb to temptation and are seduced by your SIL...I would feel for you big time.


----------



## Hardtohandle

Simple

Tell your wife. If she does not believe you then have your wife tell her sister she wants a 3 some with her and you. 

When she says yes.. Then she will have her proof. Or you will have a 3 some.. Good luck..


----------



## TryingToRecover

This can't be for real and I swear within the last year I've read this same SIL story on another forum, right down to the older sister "practically raising" the younger one. That poster also came across as naive and ridiculous. I'm pretty sure that poster also drug out the exposure of the younger sister to his wife for AGES. If this is the same person this thread could go on for weeks if not months.


----------



## unbelievable

...and there we were in the shower...and all of a sudden she starts soaping my genitals. Well, after about 10 minutes of that, I told her firmly that I was getting tired of her always doing that. Every time we shower together, she touches me there. It's been going on for months and I'm starting to think maybe it's wrong. I told her that if she didn't stop, I wouldn't keep lathering her butt and maybe I wouldn't tuck her in later that night like I always do, either.


----------



## Wiserforit

unsureman said:


> i was under the blanket with my wife and she was to my side. my sister in law came in and sat down next to me and put the blanket over her legs. what was i supposed to do? just tell her to get lost?
> 
> i admit i should have put a stop to this earlier but perhaps some part of me did like the attention but after reading about what infidelity does to people, i want no part of it.
> 
> i am going to tell my wife soon. i don't want this going out of control.
> 
> at the same time, i have knows my sister in law for a long time and feel bad kicking her out....


The little sister is WAY ahead of you.

She has probably already been to your wife to plant the seeds of blame, saying things like how she thinks you are flirting with her, and maybe even volunteered to put lotion on her after she came out of the shower.

This is what you get by taking the bait in the first place, basking in the attention of the little tart instead of cutting it off at the pass, then agreeing to keep secrets with a marriage-saboteur. 

The longer you wait the more opportunity she has to put all of this on you.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

unbelievable said:


> ...and there we were in the shower...and all of a sudden she starts soaping my genitals. Well, after about 10 minutes of that, I told her firmly that I was getting tired of her always doing that. Every time we shower together, she touches me there. It's been going on for months and I'm starting to think maybe it's wrong. I told her that if she didn't stop, I wouldn't keep lathering her butt and maybe I wouldn't tuck her in later that night like I always do, either.


This story should be submitted to Playboy.

Dude, you either need to take control of this situation or stop making yourself out to be a victim.


----------



## unbelievable

She's obviously a very, very bad girl and you have no choice but to give her a spanking.


----------



## badbane

unsureman said:


> i have been married for 6 years now. my wife and i both work and are in our early 30s. my sister in law is 22 and she is living with us after graduation from college because she is having a hard time finding a job.
> 
> i don't mind her moving in at all. we were always friendly- going out to dinners, bars, etc. and just talking. however, ever since last summer, i have been having some alarms go off in my head.
> 
> Katarina (my wife's sister) has been much more flirty towards me than ever before. here are some examples:
> 
> - she always likes to touch me (simple things like brushes on shoulders and stuff)
> 
> -makes sexual jokes about my ***** and about my sex life with my wife. (one time she said that she is more flexible than my wife and could show me a great time but of course she was kidding)
> 
> - she purposefully walks around semi-nude a lot of the time but NEVER EVER when my wife is here.
> 
> - when my wife went to the gym, she came into my room after her shower in a towel and started chatting with me. then she just sat down on my bed and was putting lotion on herself. she asked me to do her legs for her and I blushed. So she just grabbed my arm and put it on her thigh so I did. She even pushed her hand really far up her leg and I know she was not wearing panties since she came out of the shower.
> 
> - i pretended to be her boyfriend to make some dude jealous and she kissed me without my permission. the kiss was full force and it was last weekend and i don't know if i should tell my wife
> 
> 
> I asked her to stop doing these things and she just calls me an old man and to lighten up. to be fair, i am uptight sometimes so maybe I am overreacting.
> 
> i told my wife about most of her flirty behavior and my wife just laughs it off as jokes. i don't buy it though. i am not the hottest man in the world but it could be that she wants something more.
> 
> should i tell my wife about the kiss? i don't want my sister in law to get in trouble. my wife practically raised her.


If and IF this is even REAL. Yea you need to get her out of the house. I think if you have a camera set it up so that you have some way to cover your butt if she decides to try to wreck the house. I would also speak to your wife and don't let your wife brush you off. Tell her about the towel and lotion. If your wife does not have a problem with is ask her why. If she says because it is my sister then ask her if she never heard of a sister competing for a man?


----------



## jnj express

Unsureman-----you are in a heap of trouble---how naive can you really be------------

grow the "F", up-----start being a man, and not some immature little kid---DO NOT WRITE ANY LETTER-----do not put anything down in writing, that might come back and haunt you

You wanna settle this---you do it like a MAN---face to face with words, spoken out of your mouth---you are capable of that, are you not????

Instead of immediately stopping your SIL, you went along and did nothing----now whether you wanna look at this face-on or not, your mge., is in jeopardy

What you seem to be to immature to figure out is, now, especially after the blanket, hand on leg incident----your SIL is gonna challenge everything you say---CUZ SHE DOESN'T WANNA GET TOSSED OUT, she is gonna take you on, and try to beat you, as sister and sister---vs H and W

You better take your time and figure out exactly how you are gonna defend each and every statement you make against your SIL, before you open your mouth---cuz she is gonna shove those statements right back down your throat

What you do about the kiss---"fess up", where it all ends, is up to your wife---you are now basically in a setting where you are gonna be totally on the defensive---cuz you didn't have the brains to cut off your "cute" SIL

Make sure when you do start this mess you are about to get into, you have a VAR with you-----and no matter what, no matter how----YOUR SIL GOES----who gives a sh*t what she does, that is her problem, and not the problem of your mge---that may now be very rocky due to that same "cute" SIL


----------



## freedom7

Unsureman, full disclosure to wife right away about the problems you have had in establishing boundaries and not sure if over reacting to signals/behavior from SIL, but want her fully aware of the situation--honesty, also let her know you just set boundaries with the sister prior to the blanket moment. Moving forward, get a VAR, distance yourself with the sister and always let wife know of any ongoing issues--a picture with your cell phone of the SIL parading around will do a lot of convincing if she still continues down her path of seduction...but beware, she is now a spurned woman and you do not know what she has in store, the blanket incident may simply be a foreshadowing of worse behavior to come that will make you look like the offender.


----------



## unsureman

i confessed to my wife about her sister. i told her that she has been hitting on me and making me feel uncomfortable. my wife became irate and demanded i tell her more. she completely lost it at the mention of the lotion incident.

she kept on asking for details like where i touched her and was it sexual or friendly. i didn't know what to say so i kind of stammered because honestly i do not remember that much detail. my wife was a little physical with me (pushing and grabbing my shirt) and put a lot of blame on me.

she said, "why the **** did you give in to that" and some other stuff. i tried to hug her but that only made her more mad.

she wanted to throttle her sister and i restrained her before things went beserk. she confronted her sister and demanded to know what was up.

my sister in law denied anything negative and actually called us "pervs" for suggesting that. she said that the lotion thing was not a big deal and she saw me as nothing more than family. my wife told her to cut the **** and asked "why don't you ever ask me (my wife) to lotion you up when you are half naked?"

there was also some name calling and a little bit of hair pulling that i broke up. it was a horrible sight. my wife threatened to kick my sister in law out but i told her to think things true. she then told me that i should also leave with that little w****.

no one is speaking to one another and i don't know what to do. all of this and i didn't even mention the kiss because i was scared to death.


----------



## keko

Mention the kiss right now. Right when its all still fresh.


----------



## unsureman

i am too scared too mention anything. she did ask if i had sex with her? i said no and that is not lying.


----------



## keko

unsureman said:


> i am too scared too mention anything. she did ask if i had sex with her? i said no and that is not lying.


But you're still lying by omission.

You need to tell her everything there is while the wound is still fresh.

If you tell her few days later, she'll be heart broken once again. That will probably wipe away any trust she had left for you.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

unsureman said:


> i confessed to my wife about her sister. i told her that she has been hitting on me and making me feel uncomfortable. my wife became irate and demanded i tell her more. she completely lost it at the mention of the lotion incident.
> 
> she kept on asking for details like where i touched her and was it sexual or friendly. i didn't know what to say so i kind of stammered because honestly i do not remember that much detail. my wife was a little physical with me (pushing and grabbing my shirt) and put a lot of blame on me.
> 
> she said, "why the **** did you give in to that" and some other stuff. i tried to hug her but that only made her more mad.
> 
> she wanted to throttle her sister and i restrained her before things went beserk. she confronted her sister and demanded to know what was up.
> 
> my sister in law denied anything negative and actually called us "pervs" for suggesting that. she said that the lotion thing was not a big deal and she saw me as nothing more than family. my wife told her to cut the **** and asked "why don't you ever ask me (my wife) to lotion you up when you are half naked?"
> 
> there was also some name calling and a little bit of hair pulling that i broke up. it was a horrible sight. my wife threatened to kick my sister in law out but i told her to think things true. she then told me that i should also leave with that little w****.
> 
> no one is speaking to one another and i don't know what to do. all of this and i didn't even mention the kiss because i was scared to death.


You did the right thing. You are in the position you are in now because you didn't set boundaries and didn't come forward with this information sooner. Imagine what would have happened if you had let it continue. 

Of course your sister-in-law was going to deny it ... what else was she going to do. You need to be completely open with your wife, including the kiss. Explain the mistake you made ... you weren't clear when setting boundaries, you didn't come to her sooner. You didn't want this to come between her and her sister and you thought you had control over the situation and that is why you hesitated to tell her. You can admit that you even went to outside help for advice on how to handle it. You messed up. You love her. You realize you should have told her sooner but you are telling her now because you love her. Right now you are doing the old trickle truth, withholding pieces of information for your convenience. Can't do that and expect her to trust you. If you don't completely open up now and new information like the kiss comes up later, how can she trust that there isn't more?

You can just sit her down and tell her all that and then ... "ok, there is just one thing I haven't told you. I didn't want to say this because it would make it even worse. She kissed me (tell her exactly how). That is everything that happened." She will probably go ballistic again but that is way better than it coming out later.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Oh, and don't defend your sister-in-law again or you will find yourself leaving with her.


----------



## unbelievable

It's official. I'm psychic.


----------



## Wiserforit

unsureman said:


> she said, "why the **** did you give in to that" and some other stuff.


Yup. She's got you there. 



> there was also some name calling and a little bit of hair pulling that i broke up. it was a horrible sight. my wife threatened to kick my sister in law out but i told her to think things true. she then told me that i should also leave with that little w****.


This has been a parade of bad decisions other than (finally) telling your wife the truth, and this one makes no sense at all. 

Defending the little sister and arguing for her to stay? Of course she told you to leave with her. 



> no one is speaking to one another and i don't know what to do. all of this and i didn't even mention the kiss because i was scared to death.


Trickle truth is going to make her certain that you slept with her. You agreed to "pretend" to be her boyfriend and kissed her, so now you have to either own up to it or risk it coming out later and proving what a liar you are. 

A lot of people read these threads and learn from them. The lesson here is in facing all of the costs for doing the little sister with none of the benefits. No sex with the little tart. Can't run off with her either because she's so pissed at you. And the wife may as well have walked in on you doing her on the kitchen table.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

unsureman said:


> i am too scared too mention anything. she did ask if i had sex with her? i said no and that is not lying.


I read this ENTIRE thread. I am wondering why you took the advice of the one lone poster, who disagreed with every other person on this thread?


----------



## unbelievable

Oh, sure. Tell her all about that kiss....and you might as well castrate yourself while you're at it. A wife is the ultimate prosecuting attorney who doubles as judge and executioner. There is no plea bargaining in that court and you have no advocate. Whatever you say will be wrong and you will still be bludgeoned with it 30 years from now. The less you say about anything having to do with any other woman, the better. I'm all about honesty. I'm probably the most honest guy you'll ever meet. I'm also not an idiot. The key to surviving with sanity is to avoid doing things that require explanation and to quietly put out little brush fires before your wife even smells smoke. You are never going to adequately explain anything suspicious to your wife. She is designed to think of twenty things at once, to debate for days or weeks and remember insignificant details for decades. She can probably detect deception in a dead gnat. You goal is peace and piece. You will get neither anytime soon if you bare your guilty, wicked little soul any farther.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

To me the leg thing is worse than the kiss. He could have said no to the leg thing. She kissed him to make a guy jealous. Yeah, he was pretending to be her boyfriend but that isn't a big deal by itself. He wasn't expecting the kiss. It's only worse now because he didn't confess it with the rest of it.

Pay the price now or pay with interest later.


----------



## BobSimmons

unsureman said:


> i told my wife about most of her flirty behavior and my wife just laughs it off as jokes.


This.

Why is she suddenly shocked or surprised? This has been brought up before hasn't it? Parts of this story seem off to me. Not buying it. Good luck OP if this is true


----------



## lovelygirl

This thread got my nerves on!!
Not only were you weak during all the time that your SIL was provoking/flirting with you but you were also weak when *you told your wife to think twice before kicking your SIL out. *
Really??? 


This SIL w*horebag needs to be kicked out without second thoughts.

OP, you don't respect yourself, your wife and your marriage. 
Actually I think this whole story is mostly YOUR fault. 
If you had given this a stop ever-since it began then things wouldn't have been where they are now. 
You didn't have enough balls to tell your wife the truth and show the SIL where she belongs. 

What a turn off for a woman to see how her man is not a man enough to reject advances like these.


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Am I reading too much into my wife's sister flirty moves towards me?*



lovelygirl said:


> This thread got my nerves on!!


You too? Glad I'm not alone!


----------



## Maricha75

unbelievable said:


> Oh, sure. Tell her all about that kiss....and you might as well castrate yourself while you're at it. A wife is the ultimate prosecuting attorney who doubles as judge and executioner. There is no plea bargaining in that court and you have no advocate. Whatever you say will be wrong and you will still be bludgeoned with it 30 years from now. The less you say about anything having to do with any other woman, the better. I'm all about honesty. I'm probably the most honest guy you'll ever meet. I'm also not an idiot. The key to surviving with sanity is to avoid doing things that require explanation and to quietly put out little brush fires before your wife even smells smoke. You are never going to adequately explain anything suspicious to your wife. She is designed to think of twenty things at once, to debate for days or weeks and remember insignificant details for decades. She can probably detect deception in a dead gnat. You goal is peace and piece. You will get neither anytime soon if you bare your guilty, wicked little soul any farther.


Ahhh,so rug sweep it is!


----------



## Jasel

unsureman said:


> *there was also some name calling and a little bit of hair pulling that i broke up. it was a horrible sight. my wife threatened to kick my sister in law out but i told her to think things true.* she then told me that i should also leave with that little w****.


:slap::slap::slap::slap:


----------



## Jasel

unbelievable said:


> Oh, sure. Tell her all about that kiss....and you might as well castrate yourself while you're at it. A wife is the ultimate prosecuting attorney who doubles as judge and executioner. There is no plea bargaining in that court and you have no advocate. Whatever you say will be wrong and you will still be bludgeoned with it 30 years from now. The less you say about anything having to do with any other woman, the better. I'm all about honesty. I'm probably the most honest guy you'll ever meet. I'm also not an idiot. The key to surviving with sanity is to avoid doing things that require explanation and to quietly put out little brush fires before your wife even smells smoke. You are never going to adequately explain anything suspicious to your wife. She is designed to think of twenty things at once, to debate for days or weeks and remember insignificant details for decades. She can probably detect deception in a dead gnat. You goal is peace and piece. You will get neither anytime soon if you bare your guilty, wicked little soul any farther.


The problem is his sister knows about him pretending to be her boyfriend and kissing her. What if she spills the beans? Or gets someone to confirm what happened to his wife just to spite him and hurt her?? She sounds immature enough to do something like that. Or he decides to drag it out for a period of time before telling her the whole truth?? If this was some random chick at a bar who he doesn't even know and will probably never see again that might be the better move to make. 

But trickle truth in a situation like this pretty much NEVER works and he does not want details he omitted coming back to bite him in the ass days, weeks, months or years down the road because "Well I didn't want to hurt my wife any more than I already did". I mean how many times have we seen that excuse in this section and how many times does it blow up in someone's face??


----------



## naga75

Jasel said:


> The problem is his sister knows about him pretending to be her boyfriend and kissing her. What if she spills the beans? Or gets someone to confirm what happened to his wife just to spite him and hurt her?? She sounds immature enough to do something like that. Or he decides to drag it out for a period of time before telling her the whole truth?? If this was some random chick at a bar who he doesn't even know and will probably never see again that might be the better move to make.
> 
> But trickle truth in a situation like this pretty much NEVER works and he does not want details he omitted coming back to bite him in the ass days, weeks, months or years down the road because "Well I didn't want to hurt my wife any more than I already did". I mean how many times have we seen that excuse in this section and how many times does it blow up in someone's face??



True. But he didnt not tell his wife about the kiss to "spare her any more hurt" (i always LOL at that one)...he clammed up because hes SCARED of her. 
OP, put on your big boy pants...best let the wifey know the whole truth. SIL is, at some point. I guarantee it. You want to be the one she hears it from. Fact.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hookares

Now theOP has a better understanding when some insist that marrying includes marrying the whole family.
If he wants to stay married, he needs to show his SIL the door.


----------



## Jasel

I'd still like him to explain why he feels the need to keep protecting the sister in law when she is threatening his marriage and she is not his wife.


----------



## Maricha75

Jasel said:


> I'd still like him to explain why he feels the need to keep protecting the sister in law when she is threatening his marriage and she is not his wife.


Think about that....

Take your time....

I'll wait.....


----------



## Jasel

Maricha75 said:


> Think about that....
> 
> Take your time....
> 
> I'll wait.....


Okay I guess I have an idea

I'd just like him to stop with the "baby in the woods" act and be a bit more honest.


----------



## LetDownNTX

WOW, you're in a load of sh!t buddy. Wait til you tell her you kissed her too. She isnt going to believe that you were persuaded by the sister, I bet. If you dont tell her now and it comes out later she will never belive that there wasnt more. The SIL will likely tell the sister about the kiss and then she'll be wondering why you werent honest, its all going to fall back on you.

You can either take the beating now or later but if you do it now then you have a better chance of working through this.


----------



## the guy

I don't get it, your life laughs it off when you 1st confess about the flirting and then you mention the touching and all hell broke loose.

Sir, not only can you not manage your house hold but you have no idea how to handle your wife. 

You did nothing wrong and brought it to your wifes attention and she laughts......I would have been pissed and told both those women to get the hell out of my house until they get their act together.

What sucks is you acted totally guilty with your submissiveness toward this whole thing. Your defensive nature turned this into what it turned into cause you can't stand up to the women in your life and set the boundaries they both need to have a healthy relationship.


----------



## Rowan

Don't the guys this happens to ever have fat, ugly, older sisters-in-law that they just can't help allowing themselves to be seduced by? You know, ones with excessive chin hair and body odor? 

FFS! Dude. Seriously?!?!


----------



## MrsOldNews

*Re: Re: Am I reading too much into my wife's sister flirty moves towards me?*



the guy said:


> I don't get it, your life laughs it off when you 1st confess about the flirting and then you mention the touching and all hell broke loose.
> 
> Sir, not only can you not manage your house hold but you have no idea how to handle your wife.
> 
> You did nothing wrong and brought it to your wifes attention and she laughts
> ***********
> He may have down played it to his wife like he even did to us, or his wife had a hard time believing her sister was interested in him in that way or that her sis would disrespect her like that
> 
> ......I would have been pissed and told both those women to get the hell out of my house until they get their act together
> 
> **********
> That's ridiculous, you're thinking to emotionally on this one.
> 
> What sucks is you acted totally guilty with your submissiveness toward this whole thing. Your defensive nature turned this into what it turned into cause you can't stand up to the women in your life and set the boundaries they both need to have a healthy relationship.


**********
This is true but he was guilty. I'm sure if he had told his wife without beating around the bush then the wife would have taken it seriously.

And he still lies by omission like another poster said. Whoever told him to grow some was right. Seriously op, you're coming off as spineless.


----------



## norajane

MrsOldNews said:


> **********
> This is true but he was guilty. I'm sure if he had told his wife without beating around the bush then the wife would have taken it seriously.
> 
> And he still lies by omission like another poster said. Whoever told him to grow some was right. Seriously op, you're coming off as spineless.


Yep. 

"Tell your sister that she needs to stop walking around mostly naked wearing sexy lingerie in the house or she can't live here anymore."

is very different from

"I think your sister has been, um, er, a little flirty with me. I'm not sure if she's flirting, but maybe she is, I don't know."


----------



## Maricha75

Rowan said:


> Don't the guys this happens to ever have fat, ugly, older sisters-in-law that they just can't help allowing themselves to be seduced by? You know, ones with excessive chin hair and body odor?
> 
> FFS! Dude. Seriously?!?!


Maybe she is... maybe the wife is too skinny, which makes him more attracted to the heavier SIL


----------



## badbane

unsureman said:


> i confessed to my wife about her sister. i told her that she has been hitting on me and making me feel uncomfortable. my wife became irate and demanded i tell her more. she completely lost it at the mention of the lotion incident.
> 
> she kept on asking for details like where i touched her and was it sexual or friendly. i didn't know what to say so i kind of stammered because honestly i do not remember that much detail. my wife was a little physical with me (pushing and grabbing my shirt) and put a lot of blame on me.
> 
> she said, "why the **** did you give in to that" and some other stuff. i tried to hug her but that only made her more mad.
> 
> she wanted to throttle her sister and i restrained her before things went beserk. she confronted her sister and demanded to know what was up.
> 
> my sister in law denied anything negative and actually called us "pervs" for suggesting that. she said that the lotion thing was not a big deal and she saw me as nothing more than family. my wife told her to cut the **** and asked "why don't you ever ask me (my wife) to lotion you up when you are half naked?"
> 
> there was also some name calling and a little bit of hair pulling that i broke up. it was a horrible sight. *my wife threatened to kick my sister in law out but i told her to think things true.* she then told me that i should also leave with that little w****.
> 
> no one is speaking to one another and i don't know what to do. all of this and i didn't even mention the kiss because i was scared to death.


What in the heck were you thinking. Listen you should have stayed the hell out of it. Broken it up "yes" and what on earth would make you want to have this home-wrecker in your home. You basically told your wife that you are not on her side. Your actions were likely out of fear but, now I am wondering if there is more to this story?


----------



## Rowan

The "more to this story" is that, while he knows it's wrong, he actually _likes_ being hit on by the younger prettier version of his wife. He's enjoying the attention and the ego boost of having an attractive young woman put the moves on him. He probably also, in part, likes the two-women-fighting-over-me vibe of all this. Some part of him is hoping he can still have that but also not get in trouble for it. Thus, he wants anything that might cause blow-back for him to stop, but isn't willing to give up on having his ego stroked by actually getting rid of the SIL. He wants his marriage _and_ the "Dear Penthouse" situation.

He's just like the guy who wants to keep the OW as a friend, since they're just friends now and aren't actually in an affair anymore.  

Mmmm, cake.


----------



## unbelievable

Maricha75 said:


> Think about that....
> 
> Take your time....
> 
> I'll wait.....


This one's easy. He's protecting his co-defendant because she has dirt on him...complete with witnesses. He was pretending to be her boyfriend in a public bar and he kissed her, probably held her hands, probably cuddled, said all sorts of incriminating mushy stuff to her in public. He's afraid if wife gets too heavy with SIL, SIL will spill the beans to hurt him and/or his wife. It's probably also dawned on him that SIL not only has dirt on him but she is capable of adding all sorts of embellishments to the story.


----------



## badbane

I am not talking about what we already know I am talking about the fact that this is probably as much an Emotional Affair and that there is more to the story that just a kiss. But indeed long term EA that is was about to spill over into a PA. I think we are only getting bits and pieces of the whole story which I am willing goes further back than the SIL moving in. I have a feeling that this is a much longer story and we are getting trickle truthed. How long were you two flirting inappropriately. How many times have you found yourself talking to her while your wife wasn't around. How deep is the rabbit hole really?


----------



## redwing_10

Just like everyone else said, tell your wife, make sure she knows you are serious, and NOT kidding, and are VERY concerned. Tell your wife that SIL has to move out, and you'll let her handle the details with her sister, but if she doesn't, that you will. Not a nice situation to be in. Protect yourself and your marriage. I think real danger lurks here.


----------



## lovelygirl

Rowan said:


> The "more to this story" is that, while he knows it's wrong, he actually _likes_ being hit on by the younger prettier version of his wife. He's enjoying the attention and the ego boost of having an attractive young woman put the moves on him. He probably also, in part, likes the two-women-fighting-over-me vibe of all this. Some part of him is hoping he can still have that but also not get in trouble for it. Thus, he wants anything that might cause blow-back for him to stop, but isn't willing to give up on having his ego stroked by actually getting rid of the SIL. He wants his marriage _and_ the "Dear Penthouse" situation.
> 
> He's just like the guy who wants to keep the OW as a friend, since they're just friends now and aren't actually in an affair anymore.
> 
> Mmmm, cake.


You got the words right out of my mouth!
I was thinking the same thing earlier. If he _truly_ was disgusted by his SIL inappropriate behavior/manners then he would make a big deal out of it and would explode in anger because his marriage was/is being disrespected.
But deep down inside he likes it hence the lack of strong effort to stop this nonsense.


----------



## Wiserforit

Rowan said:


> He wants his marriage _and_ the "Dear Penthouse" situation.


The wife instantly saw through both of them, and is not buying the "I tried to tell you" line. Because he didn't actually tell her about the touching, the strutting half-naked, etc.

When she finds out about the kissing from anyone but him, it's going to be too late. 

Odds are the wife is going to start investigating on her own. Anything else out there she discovers is going to be capital punishment.


----------



## Gabriel

BobSimmons said:


> This.
> 
> Why is she suddenly shocked or surprised? This has been brought up before hasn't it? Parts of this story seem off to me. Not buying it. Good luck OP if this is true


Yep, doesn't add up at all. Gotta get your story straight, OP, if you want to be believed.


----------



## unsureman

So I messed up big time. Will need some advice when I get home dealing with how to stop my wife from being angry.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

What happened?


----------



## carolinadreams

unsureman said:


> So I messed up big time. Will need some advice when I get home dealing with how to stop my wife from being angry.


You can't you don't get to nor should you try to control other people's emotional reactions to your bad decisions. What you can start doing is controlling your own actions, like enforcing boundaries. Are you 12? Just because it gives you tingles in your sausage, doesn't mean you aren't married, and a rational, functioning adult capable of saying hey little sister get your ass out of here and go put on some clothes!


----------



## Remains

Is this thread for real? Are you real? Or did you just bail out after the derision?

You finished by saying your wife kicked you out....or at least threatened to....and come back to say you will need advice when you go back to help stop your wife being angry. That was a month gap but said as if it was a 2 day lapse. 

If you are real, please do ask for advice. People will give you the correct advice as they have all along. Though I am afraid, posters do get rather scathing when you don't take it and then wonder where you went wrong. You just have to try not to take it personally and see through the negative slant and read the 'actual' advice. It had all been spot on in what you should do and what you should have done. 

My advice to you is to take the advice.


----------



## Bobby5000

Let me get this right, the girl is so disdainful of her sister that she gets off thinking about wrecking a marriage. Note that if you had sex with the girl, and it broke up the marriage, she get rid of you in a few weeks because you are now not unavailable. 

You have already waited too long and the story about having her put your hand between her legs is disturbing. You are not coming near the line, you crossed it buddy. 

You can and should feel guilty about not caring for your wife's feeling; you have done too much for their young girl and there is a sense of some very dangerous mutual attraction. Just say that she has to find something on her own. If she needed financial help, it would probably be worth a thousand dollars to preserve your marriage and get Miss Oh I forget to wear my underwear today out of the house.


----------



## somethingelse

OP's thread makes me sick to my stomach. If that was my sister, I would ground pound her a$$, kick her out and never speak to her again. To want your sisters leftovers? Gross


----------



## unsureman

a lot has happened since last time. I decided to tell my wife evrything because of all the stories I read here. I sat her down and told her one evening about the kiss and even admitted that deep down inside, I liked the attention a bit. I told her the truth that I never slept with her sis and I never wanted to.

My wife went irate about the kiss and got kind of violent with me and my sis in law. I told her to stop but when she started going after her sister, I had to restrain her. This sent her over the edge and my sister in law threatened to call the cops until she left the house for the night. 

I told my wife that she didn't need to leave but that she just had to calm down. My wife told us to go **** ourselves and she left for a motel. 

After a week of staying there and me begging her to come back, she finally did but only if her sister would leave. So I wound up finally convincing my sister in law to go live in a motel for a little while. In order to do so, I had to pay for the motel.

However, my wife is now pissed at me for paying for that ****'s motel! I couldn't just throw my sis in law to the wolves! (She has a part time job now.) Every day, she wants to go over the details. She no longer cooks for me or shows me affection. SHE OPENLY FLIRTS WITH OTHER GUYS IN FRONT OF ME JUST TO MAKE ME JEALOUS.

Every time I try to bring this up, she tells me to calm myself or else she will call the cops. I don't know what to do. I even begged her to stop.


----------



## richie33

Your paying for her hotel??? Your wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## waiwera

Why the eff are you paying for the the SIL motel room. 
That's just wrong wrong wrong.

Toss her out...she is a enemy of your marriage.

Your wife is #1.

Full stop.


----------



## Jasel

Wonder what happened to you. It's like you keep making one bad decision after the other. STOP DEFENDING AND PROTECTING THE SISTER, STOP PAYING FOR HER MOTEL.

You didn't listen to the advice that was given to you when you came here the first time until so many lines had been crossed you basically wound up in the situation you're in today. Maybe you should start?


----------



## barbados

Why was the SIL still in your house after the first time, let alone now ? Why is it so hard to simply kick her out ? She lost all privileges of either your our your wife giving a crap about her when she did what she did. Sounds like your wife is on board with it, so why are you not ?


----------



## Maricha75

unsureman said:


> a lot has happened since last time. I decided to tell my wife evrything because of all the stories I read here. I sat her down and told her one evening about the kiss and even admitted that deep down inside, I liked the attention a bit. I told her the truth that I never slept with her sis and I never wanted to.
> 
> My wife went irate about the kiss and got kind of violent with me and my sis in law. I told her to stop but when she started going after her sister, I had to restrain her. This sent her over the edge and my sister in law threatened to call the cops until she left the house for the night.
> 
> I told my wife that she didn't need to leave but that she just had to calm down. My wife told us to go **** ourselves and she left for a motel.
> 
> After a week of staying there and me begging her to come back, she finally did but only if her sister would leave. So I wound up finally convincing my sister in law to go live in a motel for a little while. In order to do so, I had to pay for the motel.
> 
> However, my wife is now pissed at me for paying for that ****'s motel! I couldn't just throw my sis in law to the wolves! (She has a part time job now.) Every day, she wants to go over the details. She no longer cooks for me or shows me affection. SHE OPENLY FLIRTS WITH OTHER GUYS IN FRONT OF ME JUST TO MAKE ME JEALOUS.
> 
> Every time I try to bring this up, she tells me to calm myself or else she will call the cops. *I don't know what to do.* I even begged her to stop.


Really? You don't know what to do? Seriously? You stayed in the house, with your SIL, rather than going where your WIFE was. You stayed under the same roof as your SIL, after telling YOUR WIFE the whole truth (presumably)... and then you STILL pay for that slvt's hotel room? And you are here, telling us, that you "don't know what to do"? Are you fvcking KIDDING me??? You are already showing your wife where your loyalties lie... newsflash: they ain't with your wife. You want your wife? Cut off the SIL. If you aren't willingto do that, then PLEASE, I BEG YOU, let your wife find someone who will appreciate her, and not lust after her SISTER!


----------



## catfan

So your wife was in a hotel for a week and you and her sister were alone in the home?


----------



## sinnister

In football, if you turn the ball over too many times there is no chance to win the game.
So...

You can't make this many fundamental marriage mistakes and expect to keep your wife.


----------



## somethingelse

unsureman said:


> a lot has happened since last time. I decided to tell my wife evrything because of all the stories I read here. I sat her down and told her one evening about the kiss and even admitted that deep down inside, I liked the attention a bit. I told her the truth that I never slept with her sis and I never wanted to.
> 
> My wife went irate about the kiss and got kind of violent with me and my sis in law. I told her to stop but when she started going after her sister, I had to restrain her. This sent her over the edge and my sister in law threatened to call the cops until she left the house for the night.
> 
> I told my wife that she didn't need to leave but that she just had to calm down. My wife told us to go **** ourselves and she left for a motel.
> 
> After a week of staying there and me begging her to come back, she finally did but only if her sister would leave. So I wound up finally convincing my sister in law to go live in a motel for a little while. In order to do so, I had to pay for the motel.
> 
> However, my wife is now pissed at me for paying for that ****'s motel! I couldn't just throw my sis in law to the wolves! (She has a part time job now.) Every day, she wants to go over the details. She no longer cooks for me or shows me affection. SHE OPENLY FLIRTS WITH OTHER GUYS IN FRONT OF ME JUST TO MAKE ME JEALOUS.
> 
> Every time I try to bring this up, she tells me to calm myself or else she will call the cops. I don't know what to do. I even begged her to stop.


I am appalled that you think her sister is a victim or something. She's a hussy who has betrayed her sister who so kindly allowed her to sleep in your home. Your W is awesome. And your SIL is an ungrateful, selfish, lustful brat who apparently likes her sisters leftovers. She's definitely competitive  

DO NOT pay for her hotel. Your W DOES NOT deserve to be treated like this. If you think for one minute that you and your SIL are in the right, then you are mistaken. 

If you want to make this better, cast her sister to the wolves, and save your M. Grovel at your W's feet and beg for forgiveness. Tell her that you have been a complete idiot. OH, and NEVER allow her sister in your home AGAIN


----------



## Acabado

Go NC with sister, send her a NC eletter and erase her from your life, ask your wife what more she wants you do do regarding SIL, stop paying her money and whatever, dump her to the wolves where she deserves.
Be humble, sit down with your sife, apologize, for everything since confession Day. Become an open book. Ask her a chance to repair the marriage, court her...

Man, you seem to live in an alternate reality. You are screwing up your wife, your family.


----------



## carmen ohio

Therealbrighteyes said:


> *To everybody responding: *On two other websites he posted the exact same original story but had very different endings. One was that he got a "forced" [email protected] from SIL and his wife found out about it, is not happy whatsoever and wants the SIL out of their lives. Another was that he was that he knocked up SIL, his wife is unable to have children (which he knew about prior to marriage) and that if his wife isn't thrilled about his impending fatherhood, he will leave her for the SIL and take every penny with him.
> 
> Make of it what you will.


Ah, why did you have to go and spoil it, Therealbrighteyes. This was the best TAM thread ever!

(Kinda makes you wonder how many other threads are fake.)


P.S.: Can you post the links to the other websites?


----------



## somethingelse

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Oh I didn't say it was fake, just wanted to get the correct story as my confusion got the better of me.


What are the dates on all the posts?


----------



## EleGirl

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Oh I didn't say it was fake, just wanted to get the correct story as my confusion got the better of me.


It might actually be 3 different men telling these stories. It's really not all that common for a sister to cause problems in a marriage.


----------



## EleGirl

So what do you do?

You end all contact with SIL. Never, ever see or speak to her again.

Stop paying her hotel bill. She will need to fend for herself. She took advantage of her sister's help. So now she is on her own.

Your wife will be anger for a long time. You have to now help her heal. To do this you let her ask you questions over and over. You answer them every time, over and over. She needs this. IT's normal for the BS to do this.

Your wife is rightly very angry.

I cannot believe that you stayed in the house with your SIL while your wife as in a hotel. You SIL should have been the one to leave, not your wife.


----------



## ThePheonix

unsureman said:


> I liked the attention a bit. I told her the truth that I never slept with her sis and I never wanted to.
> So I wound up finally convincing my sister in law to go live in a motel for a little while. In order to do so, I had to pay for the motel.


Unsureman, you banged your SIL didn't you? Any man with an IQ over 50 would have better sense than to let his wife walk out the door because they are that concerned about the SIL; unless they are wanting to keep their options open. You're just going too far out of your way to keep the SIL close by.
Don't give us this crap about being loyal to you wife through all this. If you were really loyal, you wouldn’t be chasing around after SIL. She sucked you in by pandering to your ego and lust. Self control is not your strong suit my man.
Was keeping "Bambi" around and the week alone with her worth your marriage, because son, I think that's the price you're going to pay. You wife romantic interest in you is all but shot. You should have read my earlier post.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

ThePheonix said:


> *Unsureman, you banged your SIL didn't you? *Any man with an IQ over 50 would have better sense than to let his wife walk out the door because they are that concerned about the SIL; unless they are wanting to keep their options open. You're just going too far out of your way to keep the SIL close by.
> Don't give us this crap about being loyal to you wife through all this. If you were really loyal, you wouldn’t be chasing around after SIL. She sucked you in by pandering to your ego and lust. Self control is not your strong suit my man.
> Was keeping "Bambi" around and the week alone with her worth your marriage, because son, I think that's the price you're going to pay. You wife romantic interest in you is all but shot. You should have read my earlier post.


The answer is yes.


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## weightlifter

I smell a revenge affair already done or going to happen.

It is 5 minutes of work for any median or better looking woman to find a willing male for sex.

Wouldn't that be irony? Wife does full pa while hubby sees tits and maybe fingers a woman.


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## Mtts

Troll thread is troll.

Someone already found 2 other fake threads posted by same person. The responses were clearly not someone looking to get help. Gross to make this but whatev's.


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## Acabado

Mtts said:


> Troll thread is troll.
> 
> Someone already found 2 other fake threads posted by same person. The responses were clearly not someone looking to get help. Gross to make this but whatev's.


If this is true someone reported it?
Mods use to delete troll threads.


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## Kasler

Either a troll or a complete loser whose sleeping with SIL.


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## unsureman

i got my head out of my *** and am totally cutting off all contact with my sister in law, even though I love her. I only paid for the motel because i thought of her as family but I can now see how that would give my wife the wrong idea.

also, i begged my wife to allow me to go see her during the time she left the house after our fight but she refused. i didn't choose my sister in law over her. 

Tonight, I sat my wife down (after buying her flowers, jewelry and making dinner) and told her how sorry I was. I admitted to her that i let things get out of hand but i never meant to hurt her. i also swallowed my pride and said that i loved the attention her younger sister was giving me.

I begged her to forgive me and that i would do everything to earn her trust. 

She cried and said that she feels as if she lost her whole family and can trust no one. She agreed to give our relationship a go but that if I do something suspicious with her sister, she will kick me out.

I really hope things get better. My concern now is how to deal with her anger? She does a lot of mean things to me.

- She makes sarcastic comments all the time to me
- Does not cook me dinner anymore
- Slaps the back of my hands or back of my head out of anger when I do something dumb (for example, reaching for the remote when she was watching something)
- Belittling me (job, p**** size)
- Repeatedly threatened to take me to the cleaners for everything I have ( I work hard to support my lifestyle)

The last one really worries me. My wife was never vindictive but she know is very passionate. I found out she even went to a divorce lawyer secretly. Why would she do that and not tell me?

Oh and finally, she is dressing a little more openly and is texting her male coworkers a lot. I once asked her to stop and she smacked me and told me I had no right to do what I did. 

is this normal for someone "betrayed"?


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## unsureman

Oh and she keeps on asking me if I slept with her sister? Especially this one time when both of us fell asleep on the couch watching a movie after my wife went to bed. 

My wife even went so far as to throw out all the lotion in the house because she can't stand the sight of it. She says it reminds her of everything and how I touched her sister. Is this normal too?


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## Maricha75

unsureman said:


> i got my head out of my *** and am totally cutting off all contact with my sister in law,* even though I love her*. I only paid for the motel because i thought of her as family but I can now see how that would give my wife the wrong idea.


Really? Yuck. You saying you love your SIL is really sick.



unsureman said:


> also, i begged my wife to allow me to go see her during the time she left the house after our fight but she refused. i didn't choose my sister in law over her.


Uhhh yea ya did... when you STAYED in the house with SIL, rather than sending the little wh0re packing! 



unsureman said:


> Tonight, I sat my wife down (after buying her flowers, jewelry and making dinner) and told her how sorry I was. I admitted to her that i let things get out of hand but i never meant to hurt her. i also swallowed my pride and said that i loved the attention her younger sister was giving me.


You already said that. So, you told her the same story, again... but with a tad more detail... "admitted [you] let things get out of hand"... IOW, you knew EXACTLY what was going on... which we called bullshyt on from the start. 



unsureman said:


> I begged her to forgive me and that i would do everything to earn her trust.
> 
> She cried and said that she feels as if she lost her whole family and can trust no one. She agreed to give our relationship a go but that if I do something suspicious with her sister, she will kick me out.


Of course she does. You were screwing around with her sister! If she can't trust her husband and her own sister, she feels there's NO ONE she can trust... understandably so!



unsureman said:


> I really hope things get better. My concern now is how to deal with her anger? She does a lot of mean things to me.
> 
> - She makes sarcastic comments all the time to me
> - Does not cook me dinner anymore
> - Slaps the back of my hands or back of my head out of anger when I do something dumb (for example, reaching for the remote when she was watching something)
> - Belittling me (job, p**** size)
> - Repeatedly threatened to take me to the cleaners for everything I have ( I work hard to support my lifestyle)


Ball's in her court now. YOU are the one who messed up, buddy. YOU need to earn back HER trust. Oh, and it isn't just YOUR lifestyle... it's yours and HERS.



unsureman said:


> The last one really worries me. My wife was never vindictive but she know is very passionate. I found out she even went to a divorce lawyer secretly. Why would she do that and not tell me?


Seriously? Why would she tell you that she went to a lawyer to find out her options regarding divorce after YOU betrayed HER?? Think about that.



unsureman said:


> Oh and finally, she is dressing a little more openly and is texting her male coworkers a lot. I once asked her to stop and she smacked me and told me I had no right to do what I did.
> 
> is this normal for someone "betrayed"?


For starters, don't say "betrayed"... she WAS betrayed, no quotes. You betrayed her trust. Her sister betrayed her trust. And yes, it's normal for a betrayed to think of revenge... or even actually go through with revenge.



unsureman said:


> Oh and she keeps on asking me if I slept with her sister? Especially this one time when both of us fell asleep on the couch watching a movie after my wife went to bed.
> 
> My wife even went so far as to throw out all the lotion in the house because she can't stand the sight of it. She says it reminds her of everything and how I touched her sister. Is this normal too?


Avoiding triggers as much as possible. Yes, it is normal. And yes, she's going to keep asking... unless/until she requests a polygraph. And if you really do want to fix your marriage, you'd agree to a poly if she requests it.

Your wife is behaving as most betrayed spouses would be in her place. And, you are actually behaving predictably as well.


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## Acabado

Offer for a poly, save the money, sell something if you need.
Do the maths, save the money you spent on OW and give yo her.
Write OW-SIL a NC letter now (ask here for templates), show it to your wife, get the aproval and send it with her.
Become an open book in comunication devices and whereabouts.
Be proactive, purchase two copies of "not just friends" so you can comment it together. Also Five love languages. Offer MC.

Work hard in finding why the hell you gave yourself permission to behave this way, read about boundaires, challenge the flawed thought process. Share with her your progress. Take ownership, fight the urge to shift the blame on OW, the marriage of the global warming. figh the urge to defend your actions in any way, shape or form. Fisht the urge to become defensive when chalenged or aproached.
Offer her to ask questions, bring "the subject" on your own.
Be patient, empathetic, humble. There's no quit fix and short cuts for this. It will take time. Understand you can shatter the trust in a second but rebuild it might take years. Be consistent. 

When she steps out the normal boundaires (specially physical violence, even light, but also unnecesary, continued namecalling and mocking) and seems to scalate out of control try putting the ball in her court; "whats your goal with this?" You can grow a tight skin about the namecalling but don't allow her to be become used to abuse you. If she doesn't stop then you remove from the situation.


A few short "must read".
This little book has only 100 pages.
How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful
There's also e-book version aviable at the autor's page: Here
Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners
How to Rebuild Your Spouse's Trust After an Affair

Post in the "reconciliation thread".
Suggest her to get advice online, here or in SI.

Schedule date nights, suprise her. Continued small actions work better than grand gestures.
Fight for her.

Forgot about it.
Ask her what the physical possesions trigger her the most. Get rid of the obvious stuff, try to replace, paint, change, redecorate...


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## EleGirl

When did your wife go to see a divorce attorney? Was it after she found out about you and her sister? Or was it before?

When did your wife start smacking you, belittling your, etc? Was it before the SIL problems or after?


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## somethingelse

OP, seriously start accepting that you have messed up big time. Your W is angry understandably so, and I agree with Maricha75 when I say, it is really odd that you would say that you still love your SIL. What does that even mean?


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## bfree

Acabado, he can't take a polygraph test. I don't think he'd pass. He's certainly not passing mine.


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## Wiserforit

If you google some of the sentences in the OP, what comes up is this thread and no other fora. So the claim it is the "exact same story" appearing on other fora is not upheld with a google search.

Maybe there are very similar stories, but it isn't word-for-word, or else google would come up with it.

Nevertheless the smell test is a fail. The wife is told by the tramp to leave the house? 

Well, it is entertaining.


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## Numbersixxx

I think this is a family full of lunatics, OP included.


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