# need advice



## tatooedmom (Mar 13, 2009)

I have been married for almost 5 years and we have a 2 year old son. My husband and I have been fighting lately about money. Everytime we fight it is about money. He threatened to divorce me a couple of months ago because I forget to pay a bill. I admit, I am not good with money. Money is very important to my husband.
Well this week he found an old credit card bill of mine and said he is tired of me lying to him and that he has had enough. He cancelled my texting on my phone. Last night I spent the night by his aunts house because I am tired of the arguing. I don't want the marriage to end over something like this. He is a wonderful husband and great father. Does anyone have any advice on how I can save this. I love him very much.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

To me its a really big deal if i were to pay a bill late, or something. i know my H works really hard and i feel i would be mocking him if i didnt take it seriously. money is his time and our livelihood. i wouldnt want to waste it. 

My h handles most of the bills. would it be an option for your H to handle most of the bills? maybe you just have too much? do you work? Do you apologize for paying the bills late?

My H and I have also read _Smart Couples finish Rich_ and it was helpful. it helped us both get on the same page about what was important to us when it came to spending money. Making the list also helped us pinpoint places that we were spending money on things that werent important to us. 

are there other issues besides money?


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## briannak (Mar 12, 2009)

My husband is horrible with money. He turns around and could spend a good 500 at Dave and Busters in one night. We dont have any children but, when i bring up the fact that i want children he claims we never have money, I wonder why. Money is important, and I could understand why your husband is getting upset. If one of my bills was late because of my partner i wouldn't trust him. You to should set up a budget like i finally got my husband to do. Pay off all the bills ( on time) and what ever, after checking and savings and groceries, split it in half then your money is your money and his is his. You could spend it however you like, but if you run out, tough! Also, clipping coupons is always good especially if you do this together, so then he could feel relief monitoring what is being spent on what. Men often see things that we feel we need as unimportant, clothes, shoes, make-up,so if you need to spend make sure to justify why. Also, consault each other about any huge purchases, you may think you need a huge flat screen t.v but really can you do with out? Also, if he is the only one working that may add to his stress. He may feel as if everything is being waisted which willl lead to anger and arguments. If so, I would get a part time job to show him that you are contributing, most guys say they dont want their women to work,and might even get upset about the idea, but when the money starts rolling in, your their new best friend.


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## Peridot (Dec 30, 2008)

Been there. 

I try really hard to pay bills on time (It's my responsibility), but sometimes bills are paid late if we don't have the money. Usually, it's the type of bill that does not have a late fee associated with it (cell phone, cable, etc.). 

My husband gets upset when I do this, but if it is between eating and paying a bill on time, I choose to eat. 

I hate living paycheck to paycheck, but these days it's hard not to. 

I try everything I can to save money (buying only items on sale, shopping at bargain outlets, bringing bagged lunches to work, turning the thermostat down in winter/ up in summer etc.), but my husband seems to be the complete opposite. He knows money is tight, but he always has an excuse to get this or get that (this week, it was a $75 brad nailer that was an 'absolute necessity'). He insists on leaving lights on (he says he can't sleep in total darkness and leaves the TV on all night) and the thermostat is a constant battle. He buys clothes on a whim (he refuses to wear his work clothes out and often forgets to bring a change of clothes with him - forcing us to stop at Target or Walmart almost weekly to buy new jeans or at least a new shirt). The last article of clothing I bought was a sweater that I used Christmas money to buy (he still gave me a hard time over that - even though I had used the other half of the monetary gift to pay one of the bills). (And then he complains I don't dress nice anymore - well, I don't have any more nice clothes because they've all worn out or gotten too tight. I wear shoes with holes in them until they fall apart so badly I can't wear them anymore while he buys a new pair of shoes several times a year when they wear out (he claims because they aren't the 'good' expensive name brands that he likes) The last time I complained about my shoes is when it rained). 

He refuses to take a bagged lunch (even though I've said numerous times I'd make his lunch for him) and he likes to eat out a lot. I've gotten him to curb back a little on the eating out - if we go anywhere, I try to suggest somewhere cheaper. Though even cheap places can be expensive after he's eaten his fill (he goes most of the day without eating, and then eats an enormous amount at dinner - bad, I know). For instance, we went to a chili restaurant last night... I ordered an item off the $5 menu with an ice water... and he ordered two $5 menu items and a 22 oz. beer (which was $7). My meal = $5 + tax + tip; His meal = $17 + tax + tip. And that's usually the way it is every time we go out. 

Then, when the bills are due and we don't have enough that pay period to pay them, he rages if any are late (one time, he got a late notice for the truck - I had to pay after the grace period and we got slapped with a late fee, the notice went to his mom's house because he hadn't changed his address with the bank - he screamed and screamed and threatened to divorce me in front of his mom, dad, brother and sister-in-law if I ever let that happen again. Talk about embarrassing.  ). 

But he doesn't seem to realize that the reason we have difficulty is because we don't stick to a budget. Like money grows on trees and we have an endless supply... oop until we run out!

Then when I point this out, he refuses to believe me "because I'm not responsible enough to pay the bills on time" so I can't know what I'm talking about!!! Grrrr. :banghead: Then he tries to convince me we should go on a $5 a day food budget and eat only Ramen Noodles, Mac N' Cheese, Hot Dogs and cheap Frozen Dinners until we are at least 1 month ahead on every bill. I'm sorry, but I won't do that because I'm trying to eat healthfully and it isn't necessary, we just need to stop wasting the money we have.

Then he starts on me about bringing in more income because 'he can't' (we both have very long days - 8 hour work days and 1.5 hours commute each way). I got passed up for a promotion a year ago and I have yet to live it down. Now, he wants me to take a second job to get ahead of and pay off bills. In a moment of weakness, I said I'd look into tutoring in my field (we live in a college town)... however I have no experience, I'm an introvert, I feel uncomfortable inviting people into my home, and it seems that it would be stepping on toes at the university (they have a tutoring program run by students there). Of course, he says because I don't follow through on stuff - but I only don't follow through on stuff I feel pressured into doing. If I say 'no' and don't do it because it makes me feel uncomfortable, it's somehow my failing not going through with it. But I digress.


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## Peridot (Dec 30, 2008)

tatooedmom said:


> He cancelled my texting on my phone.


What is that about? Some sort of punishment?


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