# More Questions



## Confused Man (Feb 14, 2010)

My wife left me 3 1/2 weeks ago. I'm just now starting to come out of the shock. Valentine's Day was difficult for me. I sent her roses and a sweet email reminding her of a special getaway we experienced 13 years on Valentine's Day. I got no response from her ... of course this broke my heart further.

So yesterday I sent her an email regarding some important business matters I'm taking care of regarding our finances. And I ended the email telling her that I know it was wrong to send her roses and that emotional email, and that I know that is not what she wants. I told her I was going to "back-off".

She responded by thanking me for the "beautiful roses", and the "nice memories" in the email. She also thanked me for taking our children V-Day shopping and buying her a gift.

I am trying to detach myself emotionally from this woman, but every time I do so, it seems like she keeps me at arms length, yet close enough so that I can remain bonded to her. I don't get it. What's going on here?


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## needhelphere (Feb 17, 2010)

It sounds like she still wants you to think highly of her, but that perhaps she's not ready to give it a go, almost like she doesn't want to give you the wrong idea but wants to be sensitive to your feelings. I don't know...at first I thought that she was just delaying her reaction to make you squirm, but since that last e-mail of yours, I tend to think a little differently. 

What caused the breakup? If there's someone else, she may be just keeping you lingering in case things do not go well there. If the split was due to other differences, she may be hoping you'll do some work on yourself for a while, and she may want the opportunity to look in to see how you're doing.


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## JustMe23 (Feb 3, 2010)

First, I am very sorry you are going through this. I'm sure Valentine's Day was no fun at all.

Email can be absolute torture on relationships...romantic and platonic. I'd suggest first of all that if you do have something important to say, you should probably call at an appropriate time. It's much harder, but so much can be misconstrued in emails. 

I was also wondering about the nature of your relationship and the reasons for her leaving. I agree with the previous post about possible reasons for her behavior. Maybe you should set up a guideline for boundaries...ask her how much contact is OK and what kind she prefers...phone calls, emails, texts, is it OK for you to come over and when, etc. If you know what her boundaries are (for now at least), it will be easier to respect them. And I think it's fair for you to set up your own so that she can respect yours. 

I hope this helps.


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