# Need Advice..



## 836710 (Sep 25, 2012)

I've been dealing with too many talks w/my husband and I was recently told that I need to take action in order for him to realize, that I am tired of this roller coaster. Maybe this would help him realize that I am a good wife to hold on to. Before it's too late!

We've been having issues on his lack of affection and attention towards me. I feel like he shuts me out. When we talk about the problem, I feel like in his head, he's saying, "Here we go again"! Just by his body language and his words, "What do you want me to do, it's just not me"! I love him very much, but I feel like I just can't have these discussion w/him anymore and this has been going on for the past 2 yrs. We have 3 kids, 17, 13 & 3 and a grandson. I see him talk to them and laugh, but sometimes I get shorthanded, when it comes to me. All this has just built up w/anger and I know it's not good to react on anger, this is why a friend told me about this site. 

He recently started working nights and I work days, so we don't see each other during the week, until the weekends. You would think this would work, but it doesn't. He just shuts me out, even more and I get more angry that I just ignore him. It just hurts me that he doesn't realize that I need a husband, my friend and my lover. Since, he's neglected me, I feel like why should I always try to make the effort to make it better, when in a wk or two, it'll be the same thing. I can't even remember the last time we told each other we love each other. 

I don't want anymore talks w/him, I just want him to realize that this marriage is hanging on a thread, just because he's not giving enough attention, as a husband.

I need an action that will give him a good wake up call. This would be my last resort to make things work.


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

Here are a couple of (very different) strategies.

1) Commit yourself to using positive reinforcement. Every time your husband does something that is good, tell him. "Honey, I enjoyed seeing you playing games with the kids today. It's nice to see how well you get along," or "thanks for asking about my day! It means a lot to me to be able to share with you," or "I really appreciate your filling up the car with gas this weekend. It made my commute so much easier today." And so on.... Your goal is to find 3 to 5 things each day to give positive feedback on. Ignore the negative behaviors, and see if your H changes with time.

2) Print out a copy of this post and give it to your husband or tell him that you've read stories about walk away wives (you could easily find a link and send it to him) and the heart ache they cause their families. You can see yourself in those stories, and you want to try to work on your marriage before things progress to that state.

You might also frame it in the context of his new work hours and how with this change it is becoming more and more important to you to spend quality time together.

If you haven't read the 5 languages of Love, it might be the book to give your husband to read to start a discussion of what you can do to strengthen your marriage.


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