# Another porn thread. Give it a read thou.



## Drayvius (Nov 30, 2010)

So, I have been reading a lot here about problems with porn and people(mainly men) that watch too much of it. I have been thinking about something and wanted other peoples input on it.

I am not sure about every single perosn. However, I think the majority of people are raised with almost a stigma on nudity. How many men, while growing up either were not allowed to watch movies that had nudity, OR were forced to clover their eyes or some other form of control over it.

Now, porn is more geared towards the appearence of women. Anyone who has watched porn knows that in filming the movies, they focus on the womens body not the guys. Which leads me to ask this question.

If when kids are growing up, they were taught that the womans body was a thing of beauty...that is to be respected, then maybe they wouldnt be so prone to porn. I think a lot of the reason guys end up in porn( useually around the same age I would imagine) comes down to they are kept from it for SOO long, that ultimatly finding porn so availible on the net its like starving someone of something for so long, and then opening the flood gates.

--ps-- Mind you....I am not saying show a 10 year old porn. I am saying that if a movie comes on and a women shows her breasts, maybe not sheild his eyes. Teach your children that people, are to be respected.

Mind you, I have no kids.....so this may be a horribly stupid idea. Just something that I have been tossing around in my head, kinda interested on hearing what other people have to say about it.

=D


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I feel the compulsion for guys to look at porn is MORE related to Hormones - mainly Testosterone, above anything else in life. The more you have, the more compelled you are- if you are not too busy doing other things. When those pimples start popping in puberty, the voice cracking, the underarms smelling fowl and the newer distance attitude towards parents, you better believe those boys are thinking of the female body, it can overtake their minds if they let it. It drives the male sex to want the female sex, it is God's design. 

They might have less "shame" if they are raised viewing it more openly, like visiting Family Nudest Campgrounds (Yes, such things exist), parents not shielding their eyes when watching TV, but they will still lust for it -so long as they have a healthy does of Testosterone running through their bodies. 

Men have 10 TIMES more testosterone in their bodies than women, this is why women can not understand this compulsion , no matter how hard they try, they can not relate.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Dray,

I disagree. I don't think boys are raised to feel ashamed about nudity or the naked form. I think men now think that porn is their God given right because of the ease in which you can obtain it. Back in the day, you had to go to seedy stores that had a viewing room or you bought something and made darn sure to hide it from you wife like a respectable gentlman. Now? It's totally in your face 24/7. Whatever happened to descrition and self control.


----------



## Drayvius (Nov 30, 2010)

But you don't think that at least a little of the current problem regaurding porn comes from the way people are raised??

It can be compared to those kids whose parents keep them from soda or something and then when they DO get the chance at getting it they gorge themselves on it.


----------



## Drayvius (Nov 30, 2010)

Brennan said:


> Dray,
> 
> I disagree. I don't think boys are raised to feel ashamed about nudity or the naked form. I think men now think that porn is their God given right because of the ease in which you can obtain it. Back in the day, you had to go to seedy stores that had a viewing room or you bought something and made darn sure to hide it from you wife like a respectable gentlman. Now? It's totally in your face 24/7. Whatever happened to descrition and self control.


I didnt mean ashamed. I mean they are kept from it at younger age. Told they are not to look, or not supposed to look.


----------



## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I feel the compulsion for guys to look at porn is MORE related to Hormones - mainly Testosterone, above anything else in life. The more you have, the more compelled you are- if you are not too busy doing other things. When those pimples start popping in puberty, the voice cracking, the underarms smelling fowl and the newer distance attitude towards parents, you better believe those boys are thinking of the female body, it can overtake their minds if they let it. It drives the male sex to want the female sex, it is God's design.
> 
> They might have less "shame" if they are raised viewing it more openly, like visiting Family Nudest Campgrounds (Yes, such things exist), parents not shielding their eyes when watching TV, but they will still lust for it -so long as they have a healthy does of Testosterone running through their bodies.
> 
> Men have 10 TIMES more testosterone in their bodies than women, this is why women can not understand this compulsion , no matter how hard they try, they can not relate.



While I'd say the motivation is far more complex and significant than that, you are essentially correct: men have dramatically higher levels of testosterone, and testosterone is designed to make you do stupid things. No, really.

The OP has a point, but falls short of the mark: it's not just nudity, it's sexuality of all sorts. The way our culture handles sex education is appalling, and it's no wonder these forums are filled with angry, confused, and frustrated people. We got screwed up about sex at the beginning, and most folks take a lifetime to overcome that problem. By then, of course, it's usually too late to do much good.

I've got two young boys and a girl. I'm very, very protective about what they watch on TV . . . but I'm far more concerned about violence than I am sex. Heck, like most people in the adult industry, I'm pretty fanatical about keeping over porn from my kids (believe it or not, the LAST thing a pro porn person wants is for kids to be exposed to our product -- it's for adults, not kids. In the industry we are hyper-aware of the sexualization of our culture, and we tend to go to even greater lengths to protect our kids' innocence. But I digress . . . )


----------



## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Brennan said:


> Dray,
> 
> I disagree. I don't think boys are raised to feel ashamed about nudity or the naked form. I think men now think that porn is their God given right because of the ease in which you can obtain it. Back in the day, you had to go to seedy stores that had a viewing room or you bought something and made darn sure to hide it from you wife like a respectable gentlman. Now? It's totally in your face 24/7. Whatever happened to descrition and self control.


You mean repression and censorship?

Darn that first amendment . . . 

Boys are, indeed, raised to feel a powerful sense of shame about glimpsing a naked female nipple in most households. The feelings can be crippling to some, to the point where their naturally-developing sexuality gets diverted to fetishism of some sort. 

But as for the 24/7 porn-o-thon, you had best just accept it as the flip-side of the Sexual Revolution, the part that had more women entering the workforce and making money on their own and able to get a divorce more easily. Women got financial independence from men . . . now men get sexual independence from women. Or at least a single woman. 

Yes, the halcyon days when a gentleman felt compelled to conceal his erotic literature are long, long gone. But remember that when they were here, women didn't have control over their own reproductive systems, their finances, or their independence. 

Seems a small price to pay.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

IanIronwood said:


> While I'd say the motivation is far more complex and significant than that, you are essentially correct: men have dramatically higher levels of testosterone, and testosterone is designed to make you do stupid things. No, really.
> 
> The OP has a point, but falls short of the mark: it's not just nudity, it's sexuality of all sorts. The way our culture handles sex education is appalling, and it's no wonder these forums are filled with angry, confused, and frustrated people. We got screwed up about sex at the beginning, and most folks take a lifetime to overcome that problem. By then, of course, it's usually too late to do much good.
> 
> I've got two young boys and a girl. I'm very, very protective about what they watch on TV . . . but I'm far more concerned about violence than I am sex. Heck, like most people in the adult industry, I'm pretty fanatical about keeping over porn from my kids (believe it or not, the LAST thing a pro porn person wants is for kids to be exposed to our product -- it's for adults, not kids. In the industry we are hyper-aware of the sexualization of our culture, and we tend to go to even greater lengths to protect our kids' innocence. But I digress . . . )


It is quite amazing that sex is sensored on television to the hilt but networks think nothing of showing violent television shows/movies at 7:00pm. Countries that are comfortable with sex wouldn't need to censor it. Take Sweden for example. Sex on television there is no big deal. Violence? Well, the movie Terminator was shown on television there and chopped down to an hour as they had cut out many of the violent scenes. Sweden is very pro family, pro education and pro openess. The exact opposite it seems of this country.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

IanIronwood said:


> You mean repression and censorship?
> 
> Darn that first amendment . . .
> 
> ...


Please read what I wrote right above. I am not even the remotely suggesting that censoring is right...in fact it's illegal.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

IanIronwood said:


> I'm very, very protective about what they watch on TV . . . but I'm far more concerned about violence than I am sex.


There was a comment from a relative on Christmas about how my husbands Mom thought nothing of the children watching horror flicks, Jason, Freddie Kruegar type films, but always would turn the channel if it showed anything beyond a romantic kiss. He just couldn't understand it.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> There was a comment from a relative on Christmas about how my husbands Mom thought nothing of the children watching horror flicks, Jason, Freddie Kruegar type films, but always would turn the channel if it showed anything beyond a romantic kiss. He just couldn't understand it.


Wow, just wow! Well as I have mentioned before, my family is from Sweden. I was born here though. When I was younger, it would shock me what they would show on tv there. Kissing, grabbing, fondling, etc. To me is seemed wrong. Fast forward to my relatives coming to the States for a visit and they were afraid to turn the tv on. First thing that came on was Leprechaun. To say they were tramatized was an understatement. I am by no means a fan of sensorship but come on now. They sensor the hell out of sex scenes but think nothing of showing downright torture on network television. There HAS to be a better balance.


----------



## DudleyD (Jan 25, 2011)

Brennan said:


> They sensor the hell out of sex scenes but think nothing of showing downright torture on network television. There HAS to be a better balance.


And people wonder why America has the highest gun violence levels of any country in the world. 

Sexually repressed and angry, exposed to graphic violence all our lives through TV and Video Games, I wonder why?


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

DudleyD said:


> And people wonder why America has the highest gun violence levels of any country in the world.
> 
> Sexually repressed and angry, exposed to graphic violence all our lives through TV and Video Games, I wonder why?


Exactly. I am not for sensorship but if they are going to bleep out the s word on television and put a digital black square over breasts but by the same token show scenes where a man is being tortured, begging for his life....there is something REALLY wrong. I won't go any further as I am it would get too political.


----------



## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

My mother never discussed sex with me and I am, by far, the most prudeless (if that's a word) woman you've met.

I don't have an issue with the porn itself - never have - never will - I love porn, have my own collection and look at it as well alone and with my husband.

My issue with porn, that BTW only started last year, was when I began to "feel" that the porn became a subsitute for ME in the marriage. Then it became a threat to me. A threat to my marriage, my self-confidence, my ability to attract and keep my husband, etc.

So PORN isn't the issue for a lot of women, the issue is what PORN REPRESENTS in their current relationship - is it taking their place, is their husband ignoring their sexual needs and replacing them with porn, has porn overtaken the intimacy between husband and wife.

So let me say it for the 1,000 time - PORN, for me and I bet a lot of women is not the main issue. What the PORN is representing in their relationship and how they are being "tossed aside" for porn - THAT IS THE ISSUE (at least for me and I bet others as well).


----------



## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

Is it porn that's a problem? Or is it some men's total disregard of how their watching porn affects their partner?

To me, more than anything it's the latter. 

The reason I say that is because, the presence of porn doesn't seem to be a problem in those relationships where both partners are in to it. 

The question then moves on to, in those relationships where porn use is a perfectly okay norm - were those people brought up to see nakedness and sexuality different than how those who are not accepting of it?


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

surfergirl said:


> Is it porn that's a problem? Or is it some men's total disregard of how their watching porn affects their partner?
> 
> To me, more than anything it's the latter.
> 
> ...


I think you have some wonderful insight. To me? It's the total disregard of how their watching affects their partner. I do watch porn with hubby and my issues isn't with porn, my issue is with the guys who in essence say tough crap to their wives feelings about it. Why is that acceptable? Do they not realize how this is going to make their wives feel and the resentment it will cause. Again, wanted to say this isn't what's going on in my marriage but read the boards. Alot of women are feeling totally rejected by their husbands due to his porn watching/preference. I will never understand a man who thinks a video is more important than his marriage.


----------



## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

Drayvius said:


> So, I have been reading a lot here about problems with porn and people(mainly men) that watch too much of it. I have been thinking about something and wanted other peoples input on it.
> 
> I am not sure about every single perosn. However, I think the majority of people are raised with almost a stigma on nudity. How many men, while growing up either were not allowed to watch movies that had nudity, OR were forced to clover their eyes or some other form of control over it.
> 
> ...


I'm not an exact result of your idea, but I do mirror somewhat the consequences of children being exposed to porn too early. 
I remember when I was 13 or 14 yrs old and my father sitting down and watching an entire porn movie with me in his awkward attempt to teach me about "the birds and the bees". I remember at 14 as well my stepdad buying me porn mags, cause he remembered what it was like at that age. Also, I remember at various times before and after this age easily getting around my mother's half-ass attempts at stifling my curiousity. 
I would say that beyond a shadow of a doubt that these early "doses" of porn contributed to my addiction to this day. In every area of my life, I'm very controlled. I don't have much of a temper, can be very disciplined in terms of exercise and diet, and can actually have just one or two beers {haha}, but when I want to look at porn, that's it, I CANNOT control myself. 
So in my own experience, since my own natural curiousity wasn't correctly or properly explained but only fed by older men who remembered what it was like to be an adolescent, it only contributed to my inability for self-control in this area of my life.


----------



## Nine-E (Oct 7, 2008)

Growing up my Mom and Dad thought nothing of being naked in front of me, at least until I was in my teens anyway. As a result I've never had a problem with nudity or people seeing me naked. Nude beach? Great! 

My Dad always had Playboys on bookshelves and in the master bedroom. He never hid them. I looked at them a lot as a kid (starting around age 11 I think). I loved them. For the pictures, yes, but also for the cartoons, the advice, the interviews, and even the advertisements. But of course the main draw was the pictures of beautiful women. 

Now in my 40s, does that make me less into porn than most guys? No way. I still am fascinated by the female form. The pictures of their bodies and their willingness to do anything on camera is and always will be interesting and a big turn on. 

As far as how it makes my wife feel, she knew about my porn interest before she married me. She was fine with it at the time. Now she wants it to stop, and we went through a period when it did stop. But she still didn't want to have sex after no porn for 4 months. I'm back into it because, in addition to simply enjoying it, getting rid of the porn did nothing for her feelings for me, and I will not have her changing the terms of our marriage again, like she did 20 years ago when she made the decision to unilaterally stop having sex with me simply because she was no longer interested (my own needs be damned).


----------



## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

It might be me, but for women to tell a man they don't like them watching, while the man is doing no harm by watching (other then make her feel uncomfortable) is also wrong. I'd say that men just need to learn how to convey their case better and reassure their wives that it will have no negative impact on how they view them. Then also prove this ofcourse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

effess said:


> I'm not an exact result of your idea, but I do mirror somewhat the consequences of children being exposed to porn too early.
> I remember when I was 13 or 14 yrs old and my father sitting down and watching an entire porn movie with me in his awkward attempt to teach me about "the birds and the bees". I remember at 14 as well my stepdad buying me porn mags, cause he remembered what it was like at that age. Also, I remember at various times before and after this age easily getting around my mother's half-ass attempts at stifling my curiousity.
> I would say that beyond a shadow of a doubt that these early "doses" of porn contributed to my addiction to this day. In every area of my life, I'm very controlled. I don't have much of a temper, can be very disciplined in terms of exercise and diet, and can actually have just one or two beers {haha}, but when I want to look at porn, that's it, I CANNOT control myself.
> So in my own experience, since my own natural curiousity wasn't correctly or properly explained but only fed by older men who remembered what it was like to be an adolescent, it only contributed to my inability for self-control in this area of my life.


See, I interpret this entirely differently. I see the restriction of porn from your life, and the awkward way it was introduced, as being a cause of your lack of self-control. 

I'm pretty familiar with obsessive behavior. Tell me, how long could you go (at your worst) without porn? And did viewing the porn make you feel guilty about it afterwards?


----------



## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Draguna said:


> It might be me, but for women to tell a man they don't like them watching, while the man is doing no harm by watching (other then make her feel uncomfortable) is also wrong. I'd say that men just need to learn how to convey their case better and reassure their wives that it will have no negative impact on how they view them. Then also prove this ofcourse.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a clear and open-handed attempt at control, nothing less. When a wife isn't fulfilling her part of the sexual contract AND she insists on no-porn (and, therefore, no masturbation) then her only realistic motivation is control, in a kind of obsessive they-make-pills-for-that sort of way.

Actually, men shouldn't have to make a better case. But if you ever need to, here's an article from my blog you might like, "How to discuss your porn hobby with your wife/girlfriend".


----------



## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

IanIronwood said:


> See, I interpret this entirely differently. I see the restriction of porn from your life, and the awkward way it was introduced, as being a cause of your lack of self-control.
> 
> I'm pretty familiar with obsessive behavior. Tell me, how long could you go (at your worst) without porn? And did viewing the porn make you feel guilty about it afterwards?


Again, I appreciate the efforts to prescribe me via message board, lol, but with all respect, I'm going to end the conversation here. I do not mean to be disrespectful though to your honest attempts here. I do appreciate it.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

IanIronwood said:


> It's a clear and open-handed attempt at control, nothing less. When a wife isn't fulfilling her part of the sexual contract AND she insists on no-porn (and, therefore, no masturbation) then her only realistic motivation is control, in a kind of obsessive they-make-pills-for-that sort of way.
> 
> Actually, men shouldn't have to make a better case. But if you ever need to, here's an article from my blog you might like, "How to discuss your porn hobby with your wife/girlfriend".


Okay, I am not talking about a wife who shirks her husband's sexual needs. Read here enough and you will find a husband who PREFERS porn to their wife. Big, big difference. And how is insisting on "no-porn" equated to "therefore no masturbation"? Are you guys REALLY that unimaginative? 
As I have said before, I don't take or have any issue with porn, I have an issue with a guy who prefers it and doesn't care about his spouses feeling about it. If it hurts her, it hurts the marriage and she will become resentment and bitter. Is this a good thing? Porn isn't a biological need as you suggest, Ian. Masturbating is for sure but porn? Come on. 
I too speak from experience in the industry, Mr. Ironwood.


----------



## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Brennan said:


> Okay, I am not talking about a wife who shirks her husband's sexual needs. Read here enough and you will find a husband who PREFERS porn to their wife. Big, big difference. And how is insisting on "no-porn" equated to "therefore no masturbation"? Are you guys REALLY that unimaginative?
> As I have said before, I don't take or have any issue with porn, I have an issue with a guy who prefers it and doesn't care about his spouses feeling about it. If it hurts her, it hurts the marriage and she will become resentment and bitter. Is this a good thing? Porn isn't a biological need as you suggest, Ian. Masturbating is for sure but porn? Come on.
> I too speak from experience in the industry, Mr. Ironwood.


Perhaps. But I stand by my claim. I can cite plenty of evidence, all of it arguable (what isn't, in the field of sexuality?) but the fact is that men will create and own porn EVEN IF IT MEANS THEIR DEATH TO DO SO. You get caught with porn in Iran, at the very least you lose a hand. So if it wasn't a big deal, akin to biological necessity, and the culture in question is profoundly anti-porn, what other agency could possibly motivate a man to indulge in something so clearly dangerous?

Let me ask you this: woman makes man wait for marriage for sex, then it turns out to be horrifically bad. She refuses to invest the time and energy into improving her performance, and even refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem, insisting that it's her husband's highly unrealistic expectations (that sex actually be pleasurable) and not her utter lack of any knowledge or hint of sexual talent -- and then compounds the issue by resenting the idea that she doesn't know anything about sex because, after all, she has a vagina -- in that case, wouldn't you say that a recourse to porn might keep this man from leaving her sorry butt . . . at least for a little while?

I've seen the marriage described above. It wasn't pretty. And when she went ballistic over his porn, telling him that "it's either him or me", I finally convinced him to leave her. There is such a thing as a hopeless situation, and porn can bring some small solace. 

Again, this has nothing to do with your situation at all, just making an intellectual argument.


----------



## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Actually, even women who enjoy sex and do it regularly might hate it that their man watches prob and/or masturbates. Hating one often means that they don't like the other too. Porn might not be a biological function, but it's a logical extension of masturbation. For a man, porn and fantasies are one and the same, the difference is the amount of imagination required. So I consider a woman who bans porn, to basically ban his fantasy. Why would you be agains him seeing a celebrity's sex tape, but not masturbating to her in his head? It is one and the same. And I can say that masturbation is impossible for me without imagining stuff. Orbiter happens to be that 90% of the time it's my SO I fantasize about.

About men who ignore, well, that is most likely a symptom, not the cause. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DudleyD (Jan 25, 2011)

Brennan said:


> I think you have some wonderful insight. To me? It's the total disregard of how their watching affects their partner. I do watch porn with hubby and my issues isn't with porn, my issue is with the guys who in essence say tough crap to their wives feelings about it. Why is that acceptable? Do they not realize how this is going to make their wives feel and the resentment it will cause. Again, wanted to say this isn't what's going on in my marriage but read the boards. Alot of women are feeling totally rejected by their husbands due to his porn watching/preference. I will never understand a man who thinks a video is more important than his marriage.


The thing is for most men they are using pornography to fill a void. When my wife and I were dating and very sexually active porn was nothing to me... I threw it all out because I had no use for it, no desire to view it. Sure if i was flipping through cable and passed 2 girls in a shower I'd always stop to watch (because c'mon.. that's hot!) -- but I honestly believe that in at least 75% of the "my husband cares about porn more than me" posts on this board it's the woman's fault... she's driven her husband to "self pleasuring" because of a complete lack of effort on her part to make sure that he doesn't need to relieve himself that way... 

For guys sex is a biological need, we have to "drain" at some point...


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

DudleyD said:


> The thing is for most men they are using pornography to fill a void. When my wife and I were dating and very sexually active porn was nothing to me... I threw it all out because I had no use for it, no desire to view it. Sure if i was flipping through cable and passed 2 girls in a shower I'd always stop to watch (because c'mon.. that's hot!) -- but I honestly believe that in at least 75% of the "my husband cares about porn more than me" posts on this board it's the woman's fault... she's driven her husband to "self pleasuring" because of a complete lack of effort on her part to make sure that he doesn't need to relieve himself that way...
> 
> For guys sex is a biological need, we have to "drain" at some point...


And for every guy on this site who claims to make his woman feel awesome, he grabs her ass. He barely looks at her other than for sex. She is reduced down to sex and only sex and THERE is where the resentment comes from. I am lucky. I am not one of those women who has a knuckle dragger husband but come on men! Do you really think if you leave your wife to deal with everything under the son, perhaps a career, kids, dinner, homework....do you really think she wants to **** you at the end of the day or would she rather cut your balls off?  A man who knows how to seduce a woman has no issue getting laid, ever. You guys just lack skill.


----------



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

You go Brennan, I like a sassy girl. 

That is the key with women, they need to be seduced, constantly. Unfortunately us guys get way to comfortable and forget that our girl wants to be chased. It starts the typical downward spiral that most couples go through, including yours truly. If we only knew how important that was to a woman and how much we benefit from it we would never stop. 

Brennan, sometimes a well timed grab or swift smack works wonders.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

DudleyD said:


> The thing is for most men they are using pornography to fill a void. When my wife and I were dating and very sexually active porn was nothing to me... I threw it all out because I had no use for it, no desire to view it. Sure if i was flipping through cable and passed 2 girls in a shower I'd always stop to watch (because c'mon.. that's hot!) -- but I honestly believe that in at least 75% of the "my husband cares about porn more than me" posts on this board it's the woman's fault... she's driven her husband to "self pleasuring" because of a complete lack of effort on her part to make sure that he doesn't need to relieve himself that way...
> 
> For guys sex is a biological need, we have to "drain" at some point...


I disagree with you. We women don't force our husbands to do anything they don't want to do. You need to drain? You have a hand just like every human being. Porn? It becomes what you want, pushing the envelope, trying things out with the wife and feeling irritated when she doesn't do it. How is that not setting her up for failure? Why on earth should any woman act the same way as porn?


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

hubby said:


> You go Brennan, I like a sassy girl.
> 
> That is the key with women, they need to be seduced, constantly. Unfortunately us guys get way to comfortable and forget that our girl wants to be chased. It starts the typical downward spiral that most couples go through, including yours truly. If we only knew how important that was to a woman and how much we benefit from it we would never stop.
> 
> ...


Hubby,
You are a damn gem!!! I am not looking to be put up on a pedestal, far from it. What doesn't turn me on is a guy who comes home and expects me to do all the heavy lifting. I had that in a former fiance and it worked about as well as North Korea/South Korea. 
My husband is a great guy. He needs to learn a few things as do I and we are working through it. A well timed ass grab? AWESOME. An ass grab when I am cleaning the kitchen floor as he is talking on the phone and not helping? Not awesome. Got it guys?


----------



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Brennan said:


> I Why on earth should any woman act the same way as porn?


...OK back to porn . BTW, all this posting is really taking me away from the limited time I have to sneak in a few peaks, oh well. 

You mention something that my wife and I talked about a few times, the whole performance and "acting" aspect of sex. I think a portion of sex is performance. I am not talking about faking it, but some dirty talk here, a few screams here and a few moans there are great. Even if you don't feel a moan coming on, a little over the top performance goes a long way. I find myself performing at times and it actually enhances my physical enjoyment and I am sure my wife likes my O face, if not for the funny factor.

Yeah the girls in porn do a little too much acting. I don't expect my wife to a wild cat like some of the girls, but I have to say I get a kick out of their excitement. I can understand that sometimes you ladies need a little you time to get inside yourself to get your O. But isn't it OK to make a show of it sometimes. Life is really just one big performance, isn't it?

My wife does this a lot for me, especially on our out of town dates. She make a huge production, costumes and all. I drives me absolutely nuts in anticipation when I know we are going out of town. She gives me no hints of what she has in store for me. 

I could use a little more dirty talk and "UNF" at home...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

Drayvius said:


> If when kids are growing up, they were taught that the womans body was a thing of beauty...that is to be respected, then maybe they wouldnt be so prone to porn. I think a lot of the reason guys end up in porn( useually around the same age I would imagine) comes down to they are kept from it for SOO long, that ultimatly finding porn so availible on the net its like starving someone of something for so long, and then opening the flood gates.



This is going to be a widely unpopular outlook, but I would actually go about it the other way around. Speaking as a woman.

I think it is women that would widely benefit from getting used to porn, getting used to viewing naked female body. Nudity (in private of course) should be perceived as a completely normal and natural thing. We as women should be taught/shown that enjoying one's sexuality is a good / normal / healthy thing.

I do not necessarily say that this should be a solution for "porn in marriage" issue (women having problems with porn). All I am saying that as women need to _"learn"_ how to climax, so should they learn that nudity/sexuality/masturbation/enjoyment of sex is a good thing.

There are as many different body type women as there are women in the world. Women should be taught that just because that porn star or that amateur woman has a C cup, it doesn't mean that having a B cup is worse/inadequate. This whole experimental exposure of women to porn should be a lesson for them in accepting one's body and one's sexuality.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

My son came home and called me a butt plug. Gasp. Gulp. Ewwww. He's 10 years old.

Just stay with me for a minute while I elaborate...

I didn't ask where he got it. I didn't lecture him. I took him over to the computer and showed him a butt plug and told him what it's used for and then asked him if he really wanted to call anyone that. The look of horror on his face followed by a sputtered no ended that word being used.

When he called me a jerk off I was kind enough not to show myself or him pictures but did explain exactly what it was that he was saying. Again, he was in shock that he would say these words just because he heard them somewhere. I told him if he's ever curious as to why a word is used he should ask me and I'll be honest with him. Oh how I value honesty.

Well, the same went with my husband. You want us to watch porn to help our sex life? You think these women get off on these constant cum shots to their faces and enjoy gagging on a penis being thrust into their mouth by a perfect stranger? You think butt holes come without hair and perfectly ripe for the taking and vagina's never get ingrown hairs even with waxing? Do you really think makeup stays in place and blonde hair perfectly falls delicately or quite abruptly on a woman's shoulders as she gasps in pleasure just at the thought of your big hard c0ck coming near her? You think these women just love sex and so do justice to all the horny men and women in the world by showing us all what true ecstasy is like for a man and a woman?

No and let me show you why that's not the case...I won't go into that here as I know I've already posted it in other "pr0n" threads.

The truth...men have imaginations and desire and want sex. Women do too but the norm is that they tend to have lower sex drives, need less of a visual and may not have the same inherent need.

If your wife isn't giving it to you, work hard to resolve it and in the meantime use your vast imagination, come on, I know you have it!

If you get it right and your wife also gets the education she needs, the two of you can take yourselves to places far higher than any pr0n will enable you to reach.


----------



## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

Trenton said:


> You think these women get off on these constant cum shots to their faces and enjoy gagging on a penis being thrust into their mouth by a perfect stranger? You think butt holes come without hair and perfectly ripe for the taking and vagina's never get ingrown hairs even with waxing? Do you really think makeup stays in place and blonde hair perfectly falls delicately or quite abruptly on a woman's shoulders as she gasps in pleasure just at the thought of your big hard c0ck coming near her? You think these women just love sex and so do justice to all the horny men and women in the world by showing us all what true ecstasy is like for a man and a woman?


I totally agree. As much as I enjoy porn, I am instantly turned off and actually disgusted when I see a woman fakes it. Those eye rolls to the camera or a completely faked "bliss" that instantly shows up on her face seconds after she realizes her face is on camera. Now that kind of porn is completely counter productive, to me. Because of that I rarely watch Western porn. Japanese porn, even pro porn, is the best - I honestly haven't seen a woman not enjoying it yet.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

reachingshore said:


> I totally agree. As much as I enjoy porn, I am instantly turned off and actually disgusted when I see a woman fakes it. Those eye rolls to the camera or a completely faked "bliss" that instantly shows up on her face seconds after she realizes her face is on camera. Now that kind of porn is completely counter productive, to me. Because of that I rarely watch Western porn. Japanese porn, even pro porn, is the best - I honestly haven't seen a woman not enjoying it yet.


What is pro porn? I figured if you are in the industry and doing it on a regular basis you pretty much were considered pro. Secondly, is Japanese porn not riddled with the same attraction towards men and women that have basic issues at their core and were not led for quick profit in dire situations?

I'm not familiar with it so that's why I ask but I am familiar with the sex slave trade and the indoctrination of women, especially those who do not have financial independence or who face sexual and/or physical abuse, to favor the porn industry.

Like Brennan, I am Swedish although I wasn't born there, the fact that they have the highest level of equality for women as well as have anti-prostitution laws that shame the man and do not hold the prostitute liable thrills me. I think it's time America learns from models in place that actually work. I know you are not Swedish or American, reachingshore, but I still think it applies.

I have many Swedish friends who are male. Their take on sexuality and female equality would floor you. Overall, they truly believe women are their equal, and it's not that they view women as equal in all aspects to their male genes as they respect the differences, but equal when you add it all up. Brilliant.


----------



## eli (Jan 29, 2011)

My H was brought up with porn mags - he was given them by his father by way of sex education. I think it's Pavlovian. As a young boy he knew that porn = ejaculation - this behavior was reinforced many times so that actual sex is not so easy for him without porn. He used to joke 'women are alright but you can't beat the real thing'!


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

eli said:


> My H was brought up with porn mags - he was given them by his father by way of sex education. I think it's Pavlovian. As a young boy he knew that porn = ejaculation - this behavior was reinforced many times so that actual sex is not so easy for him without porn. He used to joke 'women are alright but you can't beat the real thing'!


Yuck. This would never, ever work for me. Your husband needs help. What was done to him was a form of abuse. It is like reverse evolution for humans.


----------



## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

Trenton said:


> What is pro porn? I figured if you are in the industry and doing it on a regular basis you pretty much were considered pro. Secondly, is Japanese porn not riddled with the same attraction towards men and women that have basic issues at their core and were not led for quick profit in dire situations?
> 
> I'm not familiar with it so that's why I ask but I am familiar with the sex slave trade and the indoctrination of women, especially those who do not have financial independence or who face sexual and/or physical abuse, to favor the porn industry.
> 
> ...


Pro porn - I meant professional porn, as opposed to amateur porn.

Wherever there is an opportunity for abuse or profit, someone is bound to take it. This doesn't even apply exclusively to adults anymore. Nowadays we should keep an eye on our own kids. I am not sure if that's the proper term for this, but have you heard of "compensated dating"? Teenagers will purposefully frequent malls in order to exchange sexual favors with strangers-adults for designer clothes or a brand new cellphone :/

Japan is weird. On one hand porn is legal only if genitals are obscured by mosaics (whether on pictures or video). On the other hand, age of consent is 13 (insert a gasp here). As far as amateur sex goes (not necessarily porn), there are hugely popular, so-called "love hotels" used by regular couples. A room is rented on an hourly basis and is equipped with all kinds of cameras for your own use.

Someone here posted that porn (I assume, Western porn) focuses on a woman. OK. Cameras focus on a woman and her attributes for general male enjoyment. I find Japanese porn to be unique in the sense that even if it is a professional production the whole enterprise focuses on the woman's enjoyment. Let's say a typical movie is 1hr long. About 40 minutes out of that will be exclusively devoted to arousing/pleasuring that woman (no intercourse is involved).


----------



## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Ok, Trenton, I have to agree with you about porn stuff on this subject. Any porn in which a woman just does it for the money, is degraded without she wanting it an is mistreated is a no go. Compare to pro athletes in baseball. Sure they do it for the money an they enjoy it. Then came steroids and ruined everything. This is what I'm talking about with porn. I do not need big ****s, I do not want fake breasts, I certainly do not want abuse and degradation of women or children. All I want is good "decent" porn in which the women do what they want, with performers they want when they want. 

Those types of porn are out there. Nica Noelle's Sweetheart and Sweet Sinner series, Tristram Taormino's Expert Guides To, Kink.com's movies, Camille Crimson's Art of Blowjob, Beautiful Agony, Ifeelmyself.com, amateur etc. If you want something that focusses on the men: Straight Guys for Gay/Queer Eyes (forgot which). These are getting successful enough that major porn labels have started making their own movies with a different label about this nicer, sweeter stuff or stuff with women who are in control. All the previously mentioned labels have women enjoying it. Sure, they might lay it on thick sometimes, but that is the whole part. It is a fantasy. But that does not mean they don't enjoy. Those are the movies I watch. Well, those and Japanese as mentioned before. But those also sometimes have women who are not enjoying, but way less than western ones. 

Either way, child porn, child prostitution, the men who do it, other sort of porn that are taking advantage of women, the men who do etc are all despicable. I will not watch those. But you have to say that prob can be beautiful and just plain nice. If you don't believe me, check fleshbot.com. They give good recommendation of the type of porn I mentioned before. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Trenton, I agree with you 100% about porn, commercial porn that is. Most if not all these women were abused as children and being in porn continues the abuse. I have no idea why watching women getting abused is a turn on to guys but many do and seem to defend it as their God given right. Fine, it's you right but then don't question why you partner is disgusted with you. Counterproductive if you ask me.
Now, amateur porn I have no issue with. Usually done by husband and wife or bf/gf and posted on sites for all to see. These people do it because they like having others watch what they have done. There is nothing degrading about it and it is very sexy. That is the kind of porn hubby and I watch.


----------

