# Is there any point?



## whyeme

Hi,

I have been a reader on the forum for the last couple of months but thought I would tell my story as it has gone from bad to worse!!

So in late Feb/Early March my Wife goes for a new job and has to do an intensive 3 week training course. On this she is "partnered" up with somebody and gets on with the training, beginning of March she miscarried our child, only 9 weeks in but still it hurts like hell to have happened as we have been trying for several years without success just miscarriages even though doctors confirm nothing is wrong with either of us. My wife lets her guard down and takes sympathy and cries on the OM shoulder about the miscarriage as I was stuck at work 70 miles up the road.

Mid March I get the ILYBNIW speech and that we can remain best friends and all that crap! I try as everyone does to fix the issues but nothing is working. She has to speak to her course partner every night to discuss work that day etc... and her phone was going mad with SMS from OM and course friends. I started to get suspicious as she always went in to a quiet room and closed the door when on the phone, getting more and more suspicious early April I hacked in to her Facebook account and saw a conversation with her and her friend about this "wonderful" guy etc... and how all her friends had now met him and how great he was compared to me! this is at 4:30 in the morning as I have not been sleeping properly at this point for weeks!

So that night I confronted her, she was apologetic but refused to end the affair, admitting to it but that she had not slept with him it was purely an EA at this point. I tried for 3 weeks to end it doing everything wrong (I realise that now after finding MA) and she moves out with OM early May.

I have improved myself and stuck to trying to get better and fixing all the things that annoyed her and have successfully done it except for the biggie which is that she wants another baby and I have not been able to give her that. Nothing on my wifes side has changed, she won't contemplate any change but there was the odd positive moment but nothing major.

3 weeks ago I find out that she is 6 weeks pregnant and now engaged to OM! We already have a daughter 10 who is living with me due to having what can only be described as pure hatred for her Mum for what she has done.

Is there any point now, I feel like if I pursue then this unborn child is going to be deprived of its Dad and that is so against my morals that I cannot stand for it but now my little girl is deprived of her Mum and the stability of a family.

I was doing well up until this bomb was dropped on me Saturday losing nearly 4 stone in weight, being the best Dad I could and running the house single hand-idly but now I feel it was all for nothing.

Anybody any suggestions, I want to just take my daughter and run away to give her a new start somewhere else. My D10 is being bullied at school due to her Mums actions and to be honest the thought of seeing my W pregnant makes me physically sick as we wanted it for so long.

Anybody got any advise?


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## Will_Kane

She is engaged to him while still married to you?

Deserting her 10-year-old?

And all her friends think this is good?

She met him late February, by mid-May, LESS THAN TWO MONTHS LATER all her friends had already met him and liked him immensely? How well could they have gotten to know him? 

AND she moved out of your house and into his, away from her own daughter, after less than two months? And all her friends thought this was a good idea?

If all this is true, she sounds really messed up, and all her friends sound really messed up, too. Reminded me of when I was 12 and I asked Sally out in the morning and by afternoon she had broken up with me to go out with Billy. Your wife's name is not Sally, is it? She's not 12, is she?


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## whyeme

By mid March her friends had met him and thought he was great even the mother in law is saying that he is "a lovely boy" and both of them are trying to convince my daughter how great this guy is, she knows they are just trying to get her to accept him but what can I do!

I feel like I am the only person who is sane here, all people who know me think this is just ludicrous but her side of things are all saying how great he is. I mean come on how can somebody that "great" destroy a family with no remorse and then have a child with her destroying the poor existing child even more!

I know this world is messed up but the moral compass has severely gone wrong if this is just classed as normal nowadays!

I am trying my best to just get over her but it is so hard as I love her so deeply, this has crused me and goes against everything in my moral rule book that it is eating me inside.


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## Will_Kane

Does she still work with this guy?

Has she or you filed for divorce yet?


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## whyeme

She never has worked with him, they trained together but he works 40miles up the road so they didn't talk or see each other post training except for secret meetings, phone calls and SMS.

Neither of us have filed, we live in the UK so she cant' file for 2 years although I can if I want as this is most definitely adultery and whats in her stomach proves she is having sex with OM!


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## Will_Kane

What does the law say in the UK about children born into a marriage? Your wife is going to have another man's child while still married to you. Does the law say you will be legally obligated to support the child?


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## Will_Kane

Your wife is making your life into a circus. Married to you, living with OM and carrying OMs child, unable to divorce for two more years - it's the stuff of trashy TV talk shows.

Go see an attorney, find out your rights, file for divorce, start moving on.

Stop engaging with your wife. Keep all conversations to the divorce settlement and custody issues. If possible, find a family member of yours or a friend of yours to drop off and pick up your daughter so you don't have to see or talk to your wife and other man. The less contact you have with her, the better.

There is nothing you are going to be able to do or say at this point to get your wife back. The only thing that will get her back is if other man dumps her or if she realizes she is making a mistake and doesn't really want to lose you. As long as she feels you always will be there for her, she will stay with other man, feeling that she can always go back to you if things don't work out. Make it real for her, cut off all meaningful contact, tell her you are filing and want to keep contact to a minimum, just about the finances and divorce. Tell her you will be using an intermediary to pick up/drop off your daughter because you are moving on.

_*Just Let Them Go*

The end result?

The end result is to respect yourself in the end,
let go of the people that don't value you or respect you.

That is the end result.

The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner.

Seriously, the quickest way to get them back.

Nothing else works better or quicker.

Let them go.

Agree with them and their feelings,
"you should be with the OM, I hope he makes you happy, good bye"

Wouldn't that be true love?

If you really loved your spouse,
and wanted them to have what they really want in life which is the other person they're in love with,
wouldn't letting them go be the approach if you really love them?

Why focus on the affair or the drama associated with it?
Just let them go. Give them their freedom.

You can take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror everyday and improve yourself but do it for you, not for someone else, the changes will never stick when it's done for someone else, do it for your benefit and you will probably make those changes last much longer if not indefinitely - because it's for your benefit and you realize the importance and value in that benefit because YOU are involved.

I will never tell someone to change to entice a WAW back when she's been cheating on him. I don't care how bad a marriage, there is never an excuse for cheating. That is a personal decision that someone makes to cheat on their spouse. If a marriage is really bad, leave, get a divorce, speak up to your spouse and tell them flat out "this marriage sucks and if things don't change I'm going to leave you and find someone better" and if things don't improve, leave that person.

But cheating, no excuses.

Think about cheating.
A wayward spouse who cheats on their spouse goes behind their back, secretly, telling lies, feeling guilty, getting angry at their spouse for getting in the way of their fantasies but never owning up to their actions, never admitting what they're doing. If a person who cheats on their spouse felt justified in their actions, why hide and go behind their spouses backs when they start cheating, why lie, why make up excuses about late nights at work and going to a friends place and sleeping over because they drank too much and any other such nonsense?

Deep down, the cheating spouse knows there is something inherently wrong with their actions otherwise they wouldn't lie about their actions and hide what they're doing.

Fighting the affair? For what reason?
To compete with the OM or OW for your spouse?
What message does that communicate to your wayward spouse?
They have lots of value and you have none because now you have to compete with another person for their love? Competing with your wayward spouse's affair partner never works, it just prolongs an ugly drama filled process.

And for your last point,
The easiest way to show you will not tolerate cheating in your relationship is to let that person go. That is the easiest and most effective way to show this.

"Look wife/husband, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between your affair partner and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with them because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with them and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us and our children, I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."

You give them what they want.
You don't fight them on this issue.
You agree with their feelings,
they want to be with the other person, fine they should be with the other person, let them be with the other person.

You will never convince a person to change their feelings with your arguments and logic. You can not find one member on this website in a situation where they are dealing with infidelity where they got their spouse to change their mind about how they feel about their affair partner.

You can't say "don't love them, love me instead",
you can't say "look at me, I'm better in every way compared to your affair partner, pick me instead of them",
you can't say "you took marriage vows, you promised to love me"

I agree, you don't have to make it easy for your wayward spouse to have an affair, but when you let them go, "lovingly detach", you don't have to worry about making it easy for them. It's no longer your concern, they can have you or them but not both and not at the same time and since they've chosen to have an affair, they've made their choice, there is no profit in fighting that decision. Let them go and move on with your life, that is the quickest, easiest way to get them back.

You definitely don't support them financially and enable them, that would be weak, wussy, clingy, insecure behavior - something in you telling you that you need to support them financially while they're having an affair, hoping they'll realize how nice you are and come back to you.

Just let them go, have them move out or you move out and live a good life without them. _


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## whyeme

Good point on his spawn! just checked and I am not liable for his child, you just put the fear of god in to me then it only applies if you are the biological father in the UK so I am safe thankfully. He only gets parental responsibility if he is married to her OR she signs it on to the birth certificate thankfully if you are not biologically related then you have to acquire responsibility which I am obviously not going to do!

My biggest concern is my little girl, she wants nothing to do with him at all and refuses she is nearly 11 so that right can be respected in court as it is her point of view, the problem is WW is trying to force her to. Anybody any ideas here? D10 really wants nothing to do with WW she is so angry at her mum for what she has done and who she has become (she acts like a 15 year old not a 31 year old woman). WW keeps forcing herself on to her and constantly talking about OM and how great he is to her which annoys and upsets her!


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## Dyokemm

Make sure you start/continue the divorce process.

Support your daughter 100% in not wanting any interaction with your WW while she is with POS. Since she is old enough for the courts to listen to her wishes, there is nothing your WW can do about it.

It is not up to you to fix either your WW or her destroyed relationship with her daughter. 

Just get her crappy influence out of you and your child's life.

Her and her family chose POS over not just you, but your daughter as well.

It will serve them right if they all lose their relationship with both of you.


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## Carlchurchill

Wow, she must really not like you to just pack up and leave her daughter. This OM is in for a horrible life that's for sure, especially when he goes from sperm donor to money donor lol...

You will look back in a few years and thank your lucky stars!


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## harrybrown

Go get your attorney and go dark on your wife. She does not respect you. She is in a deep fog. Her mother thinks this is good? Time for you to get her out of your life. You and your daughter should get counseling.


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## workindad

Op there is definitely a point, but possibly not the one you are asking about. The point is for you to move swiftly to get her out of your life. Protect your assets and your child. 

I do not know how divorces work in the UK, but I would see an attorney ASAP and do a hard 180 for your own sanity. 

Let her go. She is already gone. 

You will come out if this stronger. There is happiness to be found post divorce. Take care of yourself and your child. 

Get checked for stds.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ing

okay. This was pretty much carbon copy of mine until you mentioned the new baby!
You have done amazingly but you are going to have to redouble your efforts. Starting NOW 

In her mind they will be the "happy family" and you will cease to exist. All will be forgiven by her daughter and she will move in with them. 

I know I just made your stomach churn but you need to protect your home and your family or it my happen. 

Unfortunately part of that is going to be to some extent playing by the rules. you MUST come off as the responsible, caring and person that you are. All the hurt that is hitting you like a truck needs to be controlled and redirected 

Don't take your kid away. Sure, change her school to another local school but make sure that the reason for this and everything that you do with "the authorities" is written down or communicated via email. Inform her Mother of your actions in advance via email. She is entitled to access and because she is "mum" the law will start on her side. 

EVERYTHING needs to be official. 

You write up a joint parenting plan starting today.

Get into counseling with a psych to help you deal with the day to day problems. Just a someone to help you see a different angle. Sometimes we get in a loop.

Seriously. Get serious. Stand up again.
It is the number of times a man stands up that shows how strong he is. You are strong. Go kick some arse. Politely and officially that is. 

IGNORE and AVOID you soon to be Ex. This is a valid and reasonable response. You do not need to be friends. You can communicate via email. When she finally wants access you do swap overs at Tescos.

I am so sorry you are here. This is devastating.


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## ing

whyeme said:


> My biggest concern is my little girl, she wants nothing to do with him at all and refuses she is nearly 11 so that right can be respected in court as it is her point of view, the problem is WW is trying to force her to. Anybody any ideas here? D10 really wants nothing to do with WW she is so angry at her mum for what she has done and who she has become (she acts like a 15 year old not a 31 year old woman). WW keeps forcing herself on to her and constantly talking about OM and how great he is to her which annoys and upsets her!


Sorry missed this before.
Again. Carbon copy.

Act in a consistent and reliable way. 

THAT is what she needs right now. Her mum just went bat **** crazy and she will be feeling very insecure and scared. She won;t show you because she will be worried that you will be doing this soon too! 

Things I found that helped with this a lot were the most simple.

1. Always be available on the phone. Within 3 rings

2. If she needs to be picked up any time, any place you have a code word that she can use on the phone to you and you make it clear you be coming in like the SAS through the Windows. 

3. Tell your soon to be ex wife that she can no longer drop in and must NEVER enter her daughters room at your house.

4. Never be late. 

I know some of these are silly and I am sure you will find some other ways to make her feel safe . You get the idea though.


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## ing

Will_Kane said:


> Your wife is making your life into a circus. Married to you, living with OM and carrying OMs child, unable to divorce for two more years - it's the stuff of trashy TV talk shows.
> 
> Go see an attorney, find out your rights, file for divorce, start moving on.
> 
> Stop engaging with your wife. Keep all conversations to the divorce settlement and custody issues. If possible, find a family member of yours or a friend of yours to drop off and pick up your daughter so you don't have to see or talk to your wife and other man. The less contact you have with her, the better.
> 
> There is nothing you are going to be able to do or say at this point to get your wife back. The only thing that will get her back is if other man dumps her or if she realizes she is making a mistake and doesn't really want to lose you. As long as she feels you always will be there for her, she will stay with other man, feeling that she can always go back to you if things don't work out. Make it real for her, cut off all meaningful contact, tell her you are filing and want to keep contact to a minimum, just about the finances and divorce. Tell her you will be using an intermediary to pick up/drop off your daughter because you are moving on.
> 
> _*Just Let Them Go*
> 
> The end result?
> 
> The end result is to respect yourself in the end,
> let go of the people that don't value you or respect you.
> 
> That is the end result.
> 
> The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner.
> 
> Seriously, the quickest way to get them back.
> 
> Nothing else works better or quicker.
> 
> Let them go.
> 
> Agree with them and their feelings,
> "you should be with the OM, I hope he makes you happy, good bye"
> 
> Wouldn't that be true love?
> 
> If you really loved your spouse,
> and wanted them to have what they really want in life which is the other person they're in love with,
> wouldn't letting them go be the approach if you really love them?
> 
> Why focus on the affair or the drama associated with it?
> Just let them go. Give them their freedom.
> 
> You can take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror everyday and improve yourself but do it for you, not for someone else, the changes will never stick when it's done for someone else, do it for your benefit and you will probably make those changes last much longer if not indefinitely - because it's for your benefit and you realize the importance and value in that benefit because YOU are involved.
> 
> I will never tell someone to change to entice a WAW back when she's been cheating on him. I don't care how bad a marriage, there is never an excuse for cheating. That is a personal decision that someone makes to cheat on their spouse. If a marriage is really bad, leave, get a divorce, speak up to your spouse and tell them flat out "this marriage sucks and if things don't change I'm going to leave you and find someone better" and if things don't improve, leave that person.
> 
> But cheating, no excuses.
> 
> Think about cheating.
> A wayward spouse who cheats on their spouse goes behind their back, secretly, telling lies, feeling guilty, getting angry at their spouse for getting in the way of their fantasies but never owning up to their actions, never admitting what they're doing. If a person who cheats on their spouse felt justified in their actions, why hide and go behind their spouses backs when they start cheating, why lie, why make up excuses about late nights at work and going to a friends place and sleeping over because they drank too much and any other such nonsense?
> 
> Deep down, the cheating spouse knows there is something inherently wrong with their actions otherwise they wouldn't lie about their actions and hide what they're doing.
> 
> Fighting the affair? For what reason?
> To compete with the OM or OW for your spouse?
> What message does that communicate to your wayward spouse?
> They have lots of value and you have none because now you have to compete with another person for their love? Competing with your wayward spouse's affair partner never works, it just prolongs an ugly drama filled process.
> 
> And for your last point,
> The easiest way to show you will not tolerate cheating in your relationship is to let that person go. That is the easiest and most effective way to show this.
> 
> "Look wife/husband, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between your affair partner and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with them because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with them and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us and our children, I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."
> 
> You give them what they want.
> You don't fight them on this issue.
> You agree with their feelings,
> they want to be with the other person, fine they should be with the other person, let them be with the other person.
> 
> You will never convince a person to change their feelings with your arguments and logic. You can not find one member on this website in a situation where they are dealing with infidelity where they got their spouse to change their mind about how they feel about their affair partner.
> 
> You can't say "don't love them, love me instead",
> you can't say "look at me, I'm better in every way compared to your affair partner, pick me instead of them",
> you can't say "you took marriage vows, you promised to love me"
> 
> I agree, you don't have to make it easy for your wayward spouse to have an affair, but when you let them go, "lovingly detach", you don't have to worry about making it easy for them. It's no longer your concern, they can have you or them but not both and not at the same time and since they've chosen to have an affair, they've made their choice, there is no profit in fighting that decision. Let them go and move on with your life, that is the quickest, easiest way to get them back.
> 
> You definitely don't support them financially and enable them, that would be weak, wussy, clingy, insecure behavior - something in you telling you that you need to support them financially while they're having an affair, hoping they'll realize how nice you are and come back to you.
> 
> Just let them go, have them move out or you move out and live a good life without them. _


:iagree:
Move on. Let Go and rebuild. You can, and you will.


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## Ovid

Divorce. Divorce quickly. Take advantage of her state of bliss with the OM and get rid of her as fast as you can. 

Get away from her as fast as you can. Remove yourself as far from her as you can. Give yourseld and your daughter the fresh start you deserve.


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## Ovid

ing said:


> Sorry missed this before.
> Again. Carbon copy.
> 
> Act in a consistent and reliable way.
> 
> THAT is what she needs right now. Her mum just went bat **** crazy and she will be feeling very insecure and scared. She won;t show you because she will be worried that you will be doing this soon too!
> 
> Things I found that helped with this a lot were the most simple.
> 
> 1. Always be available on the phone. Within 3 rings
> 
> 2. If she needs to be picked up any time, any place you have a code word that she can use on the phone to you and you make it clear you be coming in like the SAS through the Windows.
> 
> 3. Tell your soon to be ex wife that she can no longer drop in and must NEVER enter her daughters room at your house.
> 
> 4. Never be late.
> 
> I know some of these are silly and I am sure you will find some other ways to make her feel safe . You get the idea though.


:iagree:


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## LostViking

Just let her go. Divorce her. She is no longer your wife in both heart and mind. There is nothing here to fight for. 

You are just onother victim of the self entitled mindset that has infected this world like a plague.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SaltInWound

whyeme said:


> By mid March her friends had met him and thought he was great *even the mother in law is saying that he is "a lovely boy" and both of them are trying to convince my daughter how great this guy is*, she knows they are just trying to get her to accept him but what can I do!


:wtf:
Now you know why your wife behaves the way she does. Her mother has issues too. I'm sorry, but "a lovely boy" doesn't have sex with a married woman.


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## EleGirl

You are getting good advice here.

File for divorce now so that you can establish custody of your daughter. This will prevent your wife and her silly mother from having time, before legal proceedings, to talk your daughter into accepting the new circumstances.

Your wife is only 6 weeks along. She could lose this baby as well. Where will that leave her? This is another reason to start the divorce now. The last thing you need now is for her to lose this child and be back on your doorstep.


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## turnera

If you start the divorce, she will have more respect for you and may even more desire for you. You can always stop it down the road, if she sees the light. You really have little other choice at this point. Do it to protect your DD legally from having to live with her.


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## Kallan Pavithran

She had an A, Abandoned her husband and daughter and moved in with OM. She got knocked up by OM and she is going to bring back someones child into your family and life. 

Do you have any deal breaker in your marriage?


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## warlock07

Her friends support her probably because she was bad mouthing you for a long time \. By the time she had her affair, it was obvious to everyone that she left you because you were abusing and never treating her as you should..


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## turnera

Which is why you expose the affair.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

whyeme said:


> Hi,
> 
> I have been a reader on the forum for the last couple of months but thought I would tell my story as it has gone from bad to worse!!
> 
> So in late Feb/Early March my Wife goes for a new job and has to do an intensive 3 week training course. On this she is "partnered" up with somebody and gets on with the training, beginning of March she miscarried our child, only 9 weeks in but still it hurts like hell to have happened as we have been trying for several years without success just miscarriages even though doctors confirm nothing is wrong with either of us. My wife lets her guard down and takes sympathy and cries on the OM shoulder about the miscarriage as I was stuck at work 70 miles up the road.
> 
> Mid March I get the ILYBNIW speech and that we can remain best friends and all that crap! I try as everyone does to fix the issues but nothing is working. She has to speak to her course partner every night to discuss work that day etc... and her phone was going mad with SMS from OM and course friends. I started to get suspicious as she always went in to a quiet room and closed the door when on the phone, getting more and more suspicious early April I hacked in to her Facebook account and saw a conversation with her and her friend about this "wonderful" guy etc... and how all her friends had now met him and how great he was compared to me! this is at 4:30 in the morning as I have not been sleeping properly at this point for weeks!
> 
> So that night I confronted her, she was apologetic but refused to end the affair, admitting to it but that she had not slept with him it was purely an EA at this point. I tried for 3 weeks to end it doing everything wrong (I realise that now after finding MA) and she moves out with OM early May.
> 
> I have improved myself and stuck to trying to get better and fixing all the things that annoyed her and have successfully done it except for the biggie which is that she wants another baby and I have not been able to give her that. Nothing on my wifes side has changed, she won't contemplate any change but there was the odd positive moment but nothing major.
> 
> 3 weeks ago I find out that she is 6 weeks pregnant and now engaged to OM! We already have a daughter 10 who is living with me due to having what can only be described as pure hatred for her Mum for what she has done.
> 
> Is there any point now, I feel like if I pursue then this unborn child is going to be deprived of its Dad and that is so against my morals that I cannot stand for it but now my little girl is deprived of her Mum and the stability of a family.
> 
> I was doing well up until this bomb was dropped on me Saturday losing nearly 4 stone in weight, being the best Dad I could and running the house single hand-idly but now I feel it was all for nothing.
> 
> Anybody any suggestions, I want to just take my daughter and run away to give her a new start somewhere else. My D10 is being bullied at school due to her Mums actions and to be honest the thought of seeing my W pregnant makes me physically sick as we wanted it for so long.
> 
> Anybody got any advise?


File for divorce yesterday. She is long gone. She is a lying cheater and the less you see her the better. She is still the mother of your daughter though. Demand child support from the mother with clear visitation rights. Talk to the school administrators and explain the situation that your daughter is being bullied. If it continues after you notify the school pursue legal action. against the school and the bully's families. Bullying is taken quite seriously today with all the recent horrible news events.

Consider counseling for you and your daughter. Go to the gym fir yourself to release the anger the stress. Take all your anger out on the barbells and punching bags. You will physically improve and feel stronger to handle all of this.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

whyeme said:


> Good point on his spawn! just checked and I am not liable for his child, you just put the fear of god in to me then it only applies if you are the biological father in the UK so I am safe thankfully. He only gets parental responsibility if he is married to her OR she signs it on to the birth certificate thankfully if you are not biologically related then you have to acquire responsibility which I am obviously not going to do!
> 
> My biggest concern is my little girl, she wants nothing to do with him at all and refuses she is nearly 11 so that right can be respected in court as it is her point of view, the problem is WW is trying to force her to. Anybody any ideas here? D10 really wants nothing to do with WW she is so angry at her mum for what she has done and who she has become (she acts like a 15 year old not a 31 year old woman). WW keeps forcing herself on to her and constantly talking about OM and how great he is to her which annoys and upsets her!


I believe the court can appoint a guardian for your daughters legal interests in the interim. So she is free from influence from either of you. Your daughter can speak in court and tell the judge she wants nothing to do with her mother at this time The judge will take that in account in what is in her best interests at this moment.


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## jnj express

You are never gonna get your previous mge back---your daughter wants nothing to do with her mother---and your so called wife---is soon to have another man's child-------the handwriting is pretty much on the wall---don't you think

Time to end this misery----


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## crazyconfused

Yeah man, be there for your daughter, she needs a rock in her life and that needs to be you. 

As far as yor wife divorce ASAP. Don't be surprise if this new relationship withOM ends in a firery wreck especially if she miscaries and she tries coming back to you. You need to be mentally ready for that


----------



## whyeme

Thanks for the responses, some great info in there! 

With regards to us moving house this is simply because I feel unsafe living here, my stbxw works for the police and all 500+ Facebook "friends" have seen D10. I have had several instances where they have reported back what we are doing and the likes which I find a bit disturbing! not that we were up to whilst out, we weren't doing anything wrong but you know what Chinese whispers is like, I just want us to be left alone, free to do what we want to do without looking over my shoulder all the time in case somebody is reporting in on me!


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

whyeme said:


> Thanks for the responses, some great info in there!
> 
> With regards to us moving house this is simply because I feel unsafe living here, my stbxw works for the police and all 500+ Facebook "friends" have seen D10. I have had several instances where they have reported back what we are doing and the likes which I find a bit disturbing! not that we were up to whilst out, we weren't doing anything wrong but you know what Chinese whispers is like, I just want us to be left alone, free to do what we want to do without looking over my shoulder all the time in case somebody is reporting in on me!


Are any of these 'stalker' members of te police department or their family? If so have an attorney ( solicitor ? ) meet with the law enforcement chief and file a complaint that you and your daughter are being stalked and you feel for your family safety. Be prepared with facebook snapshots of the stalking to bolster your complaint. 

In the meantime happiness is the best revenge. Let them all report you and your daughter are having quite a wonderful time w/o a toxic influence in your life.


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## LostViking

You need to get to a lawyer and find out ALL your options. Lay everything out to her/him and get educated as to what you can expect in the divorce and how you can use the legal system to protect yourself and your daughter from police harrassment. 

In my opinion you are making excuses for your passivity . Wake up! You live in a world where the courts almost always lean towards the wife's/mother's side and fathers have almost no rights. Things are changing and it is getting a bit more equitable in some places, but all the more reason to hire a good solicitor and bring the fight to your wife. She is your enemy and has been for a long time if she has been thrashing your character for as long as you say she has been doing.


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## 6301

warlock07 said:


> Her friends support her probably because she was bad mouthing you for a long time \. By the time she had her affair, it was obvious to everyone that she left you because you were abusing and never treating her as you should..


 I agree with Warlock that she did a whole lot of bad mouthing to her friends and that he was a horrible husband but there's a huge hole in that story and it's to Whyeme's advantage because if he's such a horrible man, why does he have his daughter and not her. First thing a wife does in a abusive marriage is grab the kid and leave. If her genius friends haven't figured that one out yet then it's up to Whyeme to let the cat out of the bag and lay it all out for everyone to see. Then maybe Mumsy and the rest of her friends will see the light and realize that they were bamboozled and that lover boy isn't what she's making him out to be except a home wrecker.


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## happyman64

whyeme said:


> Thanks for the responses, some great info in there!
> 
> With regards to us moving house this is simply because I feel unsafe living here, my stbxw works for the police and all 500+ Facebook "friends" have seen D10. I have had several instances where they have reported back what we are doing and the likes which I find a bit disturbing! not that we were up to whilst out, we weren't doing anything wrong but you know what Chinese whispers is like, I just want us to be left alone, free to do what we want to do without looking over my shoulder all the time in case somebody is reporting in on me!


No problem whyeme.

To counter FB just post your wife and the OM on Cheaterville in he UK.

It will work wonders for you and for her.

That will give someone else time to report Chinese whispers about them....


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## whyeme

I can confirm there was no abuse in the relationship from me to her! I do not hit or abuse women that's for sure it is so against my morals you wouldn't believe. The only thing I am guilty of is working my backside off trying to keep our family going whilst my wife burnt money on clothes and crap to the point of virtually bankrupting us (luckily she took her debt with her when she left  )!

W is one of these people who will never be happy, nobody no matter how much or how hard they try will ever make her happy because that is just how she is. If anything the person getting abuse in the marriage was me, when I sat down and thought about it she always belittled me, she hit my confidence hard to the point where I didn't feel like I wanted to wake up in the morning and at some points her constantly treating me like crap nearly pushed me to the edge.

Even D10 is saying our home is better off without her, she is doing better at school due to her mum not having a go at her in the morning, she has made friends at school when she couldn't before even despite the little s*** who is bullying her and is generally doing better in her life as well and is happier so that is good.

In some ways this could be looked at as a good thing for both our lives!

I spoke to a solicitor yesterday (best in our country for family law) and had a few things confirmed and have been told that so far I am doing everything right, if D10 does not want to see OM then I am fine to protect her from that and if D10 doesn't want to see W then again I am fine to protect her from that. From a court point of view D10 is now old enough to speak for herself and the court normally go in view of the child from that side of things so fingers crossed I am OK there.

I am going to lodge my case with some of the top local solicitors as the top solicitor I am using in the country is not in my area, this way they won't be able to help her due to conflict of interest but yeah everything from that side looks good!


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## life101

I don't want to sound cruel, but I will try to stop any contact between your STBXW and daughter. She sounds like a very bad influence and your daughter seems to understand. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and a role model.


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## turnera

You should invite some of those kids from school - including the bully - to your house for a small party.


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## whyeme

Another visit, another load of BS!!! my stbxw had D10 today with the mother in law for a couple of hours to take her out etc... and as usual it was just another brain washing session! apparently stbxw never had an affair according to my mother in law, because she fell out with me after the miscarriage and slept in our spare room she classes it as "we were broken up" wtf! are we 12 years old now, this is a marriage you don't just "break up" and move on especially as I know that stbxw and OM were up to stuff just before her miscarriage!

D10 corrected the mother in law in that her mum is having an affair, that she was having the affair for several weeks neglecting her and our family whilst she was going out on dates (originally nights out with her girl friends). Mother in law and stbxw start again bad mouthing me and saying I am brainwashing her in to believing bad things about stbxw and OM, again OM is a wonderful guy apparently and they spent 4 hours telling her how he is great because he does this and that! I mean ffs my wife now enjoys watching Power Rangers, the latest teenage mutant ninja turtles cartoon as well as wrestling! these are things 6 months ago she would not have been caught dead watching I mean she is 31 ffs, does this have mid life crisis written over it or what!

OM also seems to get away playing computer games all day and generally acting like a single guy, if I did that after about 10 minutes I would get a load of crap for the privilege! something is so wrong with this relationship it is untrue it spells disaster if you ask me when the fog lifts .

I am currently trying to secure my house, stbxw has stated she wants no claim in it so that is priority 1 keeping the roof over D10 and my head so I am struggling as I don't want to rock the boat whilst that is being sorted out, but what should I do about the slagging me off sessions! I don't slag stbxw off, if D10 asks questions I answer truthfully where I can but protect her from certain things because there are things she should not know although stbxw tells her far more than she should know.

Any ideas on this, I would love to stop contact with stbxw and D10 as D10 keeps asking for this to happen but stbxw ignores that request and says she is to do as she is told!

Any ideas what to do??? feeling a bit depressed tonight :-(


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## Dyokemm

Tell your stupid STBX that if she and her trashy mom continue with this crap, they will destroy any chance of ever having a relationship with your daughter.

Daughter has expressed to you her growing frustration, and this constant denial of the A, protecting the POS, and badmouthing him are burning bridges very fast.

If she treasures any part of her relationship with her D it has to stop.


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## KanDo

For Goodness Sake! You are asking for advice that has already been given multiple times! 
1) Get an attorney and file for divorce citing infidelity 
2) Get a custody order that allows your daughter to choose who and how she spends her time.
3) Stop grousing about what your wife is saying and start doing something about it!


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## turnera

How many times do we have to say it before you hear it? Get the LAWYER to control stbx's access to DD10.


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## Shaggy

Also post OM up on cheaterville.com to document the kind if scum he is.


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## jnj express

Try to get supervised visits--when your wife has your daughter---based on what your MIL, and your wife's lover, are trying to do to your child

At least get a RO, agst the lover being around your daughter, and possibly even the MIL----let your daughter go into court---and say they are causing her problems, and she doesn't wanna be anywhere near them


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## confusedFather

It sounds like you have little choice in what happens. You will have to cope and do what is best for your daughter. Really connect with her and learn to understand her. From the way you've described her she sounds emotionally precocious. This is not a bad thing. It can be confusing because she is still so young. But that seasoned moral compass will do her immeasurable good in the future.

If that is the case I would let her dictate as much of her involvement as possible. If this is not the case as she is simply a hurt and angry little girl it may be best for her in the long run for YOU to help her R with her mother and learn to tolerate if not accept OM as a step dad. This will be a serious crap-sandwich for you to eat everyday but worth it when your daughter as a young woman realized all you've done for her. You're relationship with her is your life line in all of this.


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## ing

I know the advice is coming in thick and fast but people here speak from experience and want you to protect yourself. 

I will l say that I think you are doing really well!

You are in for 2 years of on, off, on, off insanity because you have to wait that long to Divorce. It sucks and in this case it only serves to drag out the agony.
Some more advice..
Facebook is used as a weapon.
Block STBXW on Facebook
Block her Mother.
Check your privacy settings and clear your timeline.
Remove anyone who is not directly your real friend. 

Set access times. This has the dual advantage of your kid being able to get ready for the onslaught and it will ensure that she doesn't just demand.

Do not attempt to shore up the relationship between your kid and the Mother. It is not your job. You have probably been doing it without thinking about it. The relationship must fall or stand on it's own

Family law. Become an expert. Start reading. Everything by the book..


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## whyeme

Thanks for the advise! I know you think I am not doing it but I am speaking to legal counsel the issue is the retaliation from stbxw and family which is why I cannot go in all guns blazing until certain things have been done/secured to ensure that my defenses are up, the windows are locked and secured and I am ready to take the onslaught.

She has agreed she wants nothing to do with our house i.e. not filing a claim or any of the little bit of equity it has, this house means the world to my daughter it is where she grew up, where her pets are buried and all her memories are. I need to secure this so at present I am trying to get a legal document drawn up that basically she signs to agree what she has said before I then go down the custody battle so that she cannot go back on what has been agreed verbally.

I am seeing legal council early next week and have an appointment with my solicitor so all sorted from that side.

With regards to Facebook I have already done as suggested about 3 weeks ago, I have removed all links to people who know my wife, blocked her from seeing my Facebook as well as her relatives, I went through my timeline deleted anything that was just garbage to clean it up and have then made it completely private to the outside world.

My daughter is not really showing anger to my wife, she is basically similar to me what she has done is so far wrong on her moral compass that she is disgusted by it, she doesn't stand liars or fools and her Mum can't tell the truth if it came round and belted her in the face and stbxw is treating my daughter like a fool thinking that these lies she speaks will turn her. My daughter was there when stbxw was shouting how her happiness was more important than anything from the top of the house, she was there when stbxw was completely ignoring her on the few days she got off from work to be with OM, D10 is not stupid and doesn't need me to influence her she witnessed stbxw behavior and made her own mind up. 

You are right on the relationship between stbxw and D10, I have been trying to help patch them up because it breaks my heart to see them like this BUT that has stopped after the last 2 barrages of BS that they threw at D10, when she has seen them I decided then that I am stepping out of that fight. I love how D10 comes back reporting the BS they were spewing and what she says back, she tells it like it is i.e. MIL says stbxw and OM are not having an affair, your mum and dad were broken up.. D10 response, no they had an affair mum and dad only "broke up" because of OM. It is great to see her fighting her corner, before stbxw did this D10 had low confidence because stbxw treated her like a baby she didn't want her to grown up and wouldn't let her grow up, now she is like a different little girl so lively, confident and willing to speak her mind looks like this whole mess might make her life better!

Just living each day as it comes, I need to get things secured as it all looming over my head is just driving me mad now.


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## weightlifter

Dont divorces take two years in England?


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## ArmyofJuan

Well if it makes you feel better know that the odds of her actually marrying the OM is slim to none, most likely by this time next year she won't have anything to do with him. 80% of affairs die within the first year, few make it past 6 months once they become real relationships. Only 3% marry and they have a 75% divorce rate.
Infidelity Statistics, Cheating Spouse Statistics - WomanSavers
How Often Do Affair Partners End up Marrying and Happy? | Affair Resources and Advice

Regardless, your wife has shown you she is not "wife" material and a backstabber so moving like a freight trail to a D is your best and only real option. Her getting herself knocked up by the OM should be a showstopper for any R, period.

Your life WILL get better but you are going to go through hell for a bit first. It will be worth it long term.


----------



## whyeme

God my head is all over the place at the moment, on a major major downer! no matter what I do I can't get out of this depression. W is going for her scan on Friday and wants to tell D10 after that if all is OK, don't know what to do! I feel like scum as I am praying something is wrong, that is so against my ethics but I can't stop wishing it which makes me feel sick with who I am.

I just feel like driving the car in to a motorway (highway) bridge pillar, nearly did it 3 times on the way to work this morning only the thought of what it would do to my daughter saved me but I am not sure if that will hold up for much longer. 

How do you get over this s**t, every time I start making progress W does something to smash me back down and blow everything I have done to recover to pieces.

Help!!!


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## turnera

Call your doctor. NOW.


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## whyeme

Would love to but it is nearly 8PM here, no doctors open except the ER! can't go tomorrow as have to go to work as have a big meeting in the morning with a client (W has screwed my job up enough can't keep letting them down).

Just how are you supposed to get over the betrayal!


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## turnera

By replacing her with new activities.


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## turnera

And if you're suicidal, the ER is exactly where you should be.


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## whyeme

I know, problem is I have no friends local anymore she destroyed them years ago and nobody I have reached out to wants to be more that Facebook friends now so that is a bit crap! 

I am quite a shy person (different at work but thats because I have something to talk about) I also have a little girl so not like I can go out looking for friends easily, keep thinking that I need to find some but that is a problem in itself!


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## whyeme

Mainly depressed, the suicidal bit comes when I am in the car on my own with just my thoughts for company! I thought I had gotten over this 3 months ago as I was really happy and doing well but the last 2 days it has all come back feel like I have gone back 10 steps!


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## life101

whyeme said:


> Mainly depressed, the suicidal bit comes when I am in the car on my own with just my thoughts for company! I thought I had gotten over this 3 months ago as I was really happy and doing well but the last 2 days it has all come back feel like I have gone back 10 steps!


Keep a picture of your daughter on your car's dashboard. Whenever you encounter any depressing thought, have a look at her picture.

Start IC ASAP.


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## anchorwatch

Google suicide hot line in your country/location. 

Call the hot line and just speak to someone?

You'll get some coping tools to use?

Do it now! Do it for your child!!

Then tomorrow get to your MD, for something to take the edge off.

Can you reach out to your local church/pastor?


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## DavidWYoung

I hope you listen to Will Kane, he is spot on!


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## DavidWYoung

I understand the suicidal thoughts but...........Think of this........it will just be a waste of your life, one week after you death, your wife will be a little sad, three months after your death it will be" oh well!"

There is a lot more life out there but you have to choose to go forward. Trust me. I do know were you head is at now, I was there too. So have a lot of other members of this TAM club.

Things will never be the same but you will be happy again in the future, that is a promise that I can make to you if you start to heal yourself with our help!


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## turnera

whyeme said:


> I know, problem is I have no friends local anymore she destroyed them years ago and nobody I have reached out to wants to be more that Facebook friends now so that is a bit crap!
> 
> I am quite a shy person (different at work but thats because I have something to talk about) I also have a little girl so not like I can go out looking for friends easily, keep thinking that I need to find some but that is a problem in itself!


Activities don't require friends. 

It would be nice if you could make some friends doing your activities, but even if you don't, you are still DOING SOMETHING. And that's the point. Gardening, jigsaw puzzles, dance class, do _something_.


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## life101

turnera said:


> Activities don't require friends.
> 
> It would be nice if you could make some friends doing your activities, but even if you don't, you are still DOING SOMETHING. And that's the point. Gardening, jigsaw puzzles, dance class, do _something_.


Or you can make TAM an activity. You will also gain friends in the process.


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## whyeme

Cheers guys knowing that you can get through it is the main thing and what you have said has really helped. I am feeling a bit better normally W rings about now via me to speak to our daughter (because D10 won't pick her phone up to her when she sees her) I text and said ring D10 mobile direct as I didn't want to talk to her. Felt good to do it!!

I try and do 30 minutes exercise a day minimum as an activity just done that and to be honest feel great after  just want to feel happy again, at the moment I just feel such loneliness which makes me so sad!! I feel like I have no self worth anymore, like no woman would ever want me (big fat blob syndrome) and that I am destined to be alone. I have lost tons of weight (getting on to 5 stone another 3 is my target) and am a shadow of my former self size wise but still don't feel desirable or like I would be wanted!


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## life101

whyeme said:


> Cheers guys knowing that you can get through it is the main thing and what you have said has really helped. I am feeling a bit better normally W rings about now via me to speak to our daughter (because D10 won't pick her phone up to her when she sees her) I text and said ring D10 mobile direct as I didn't want to talk to her. Felt good to do it!!
> 
> I try and do 30 minutes exercise a day minimum as an activity just done that and to be honest feel great after  just want to feel happy again, at the moment I just feel such loneliness which makes me so sad!! I feel like I have no self worth anymore, like no woman would ever want me (big fat blob syndrome) and that I am destined to be alone. I have lost tons of weight (getting on to 5 stone another 3 is my target) and am a shadow of my former self size wise but still don't feel desirable or like I would be wanted!


Your happiness is your own responsibility. Don't tie it with someone or something, it will cause further pain.

First of all, I don't believe you will be alone. If you are seriously looking for something, you can always get that. May be it will not match your specifications, but isn't it fun to be surprised every now and then (in a good way of course)?

And what if you have to live alone? You have your daughter. Why isn't that enough? Many people don't marry and stay alone for their entire lives. They are some of the happiest people I know of. The monks don't marry. Do you think they are unhappy?

Why do you seek external validation? This is a good time to introspect. You will never be able to make everyone happy and desire your company. So stop trying to do that. The only thing you can make sure is that you like yourself. You clearly don't like yourself now. You have to change that. You need to like yourself for who you are and who you aspire to be. You need that, and your daughter needs that.

Find a capable therapist, and start IC asap.


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## whyeme

My Daughter is enough you are right, its just adult company would be nice at times!!

Its hard not to have those thoughts of comparison and self hate to be honest, I was replaced by a younger bloke who not only is "fitter" although pretty goofy looking but also managed to get W pregnant which is what I wanted for all these years!

Just need to get the custody problems sorted as W won't accept D10 won't have anything to do with her and is threatening me which is quite annoying. Just want to go dark on her but that is tough at the moment when she constantly contacts me over D10 visits!


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## life101

No one said it is going to be hard. Life is hard. 

You are comparing yourself with the AP of your wife. OK. So let's play the game. Compare yourself with the man who is going to die of cancer in next six months and knows it, or with the child just being born but not going to make it, or the 80 year old lady who is going to die hungry on the street in a cold, rainy morning.

If you are posting on this thread, you are doing better than most of the people on this planet. You need food, air, and water to survive. Everything else is just a privilege, not a right.

I am being hard on you not to make you feel bad or feel superior. I was also in your shoes, and someone said this to me. That helped clear my fog. Get a grip on yourself and act like a man. Acting like a man now means being there for your daughter. Don't waste your mental energy comparing yourself to a spineless jerk.


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## LostViking

whyeme said:


> Cheers guys knowing that you can get through it is the main thing and what you have said has really helped. I am feeling a bit better normally W rings about now via me to speak to our daughter (because D10 won't pick her phone up to her when she sees her) I text and said ring D10 mobile direct as I didn't want to talk to her. Felt good to do it!!
> 
> I try and do 30 minutes exercise a day minimum as an activity just done that and to be honest feel great after  just want to feel happy again, at the moment I just feel such loneliness which makes me so sad!! I feel like I have no self worth anymore, like no woman would ever want me (big fat blob syndrome) and that I am destined to be alone. I have lost tons of weight (getting on to 5 stone another 3 is my target) and am a shadow of my former self size wise but still don't feel desirable or like I would be wanted!



Best way to solve this is to just start making yourself more marketable. Invest in a nice modern wardrobe. Throw out your old clothes and buy some nice slacks, shirts and maybe a nice sports jacket or two. Go to a nice clothing store and ask a FEMALE saleswoman to help you pick out clothes that a woman likes to see on a man. 

Invest in some good quality dress shoes. Get your hair cut nicely. Keep working out. 

Change your diet. Stop eating sugar and carbs and eat more veggies, chicken and high omega fish like salmon. Cut down on red meat and get rid of pork. Pork baaaaad. 

Doing these things will make you feel better about yourself, and when you feel better that good feeling translates into _confidence_. Confidence is what attracts women to you, and if you exude confidence they will respond to you like you wont believe. 

And most importantly...smile.


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## Will_Kane

whyeme said:


> Good point on his spawn! just checked and I am not liable for his child, you just put the fear of god in to me then it only applies if you are the biological father in the UK so I am safe thankfully. He only gets parental responsibility if he is married to her OR she signs it on to the birth certificate thankfully if you are not biologically related then you have to acquire responsibility which I am obviously not going to do!


How do they prove who is the biological father? Do you have to file any paperwork in order to get a test done? I don't think they automatically would test for that unless you requested it.


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## whyeme

I have already chucked my wardrobe out, hated most of my old clothes and they were all too big anyway so I have bought lots of good designer stuff so feel more confident and genuinely feel like I look good when out  just need to find stuff to do out and about to build my confidence back up. I think I am just having a wobble as I was doing good diet wise and have done more or less all of the things on your list just had a massive wobble the last couple of days but feeling good again today and far more positive so onwards and upwards! 

Will, with regards to biological fathers that does not have to be proven if you sign your name on the birth certificate in the UK you are accepting that responsibility and it is your child, parental responsibility can be dissolved later if they fell out and had a DNA test done and it turned out not to be his. 1 thing for sure it definitely isn't mine as I haven't slept with her since the middle of March so the dates definitely don't stack up thankfully!!


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## happyman64

Whyeme

I understand the lonely feeling.

But what I realized many years ago was that living the best life I could truly have was the best revenge.

My Ex and her OM have had horrible lives. I pity them.

You will replace your STBXW with someone truly better. Someone that will love you and your D.

You will replace your wife and in some part your d will replace her mom.

It is inevitable.

It is also a conscious decision on your part to make these changes to ensure a better future for both of you.

So get going.

HM


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## LostViking

You are going to have wobbles now and then. That's okay. It's alright to take detour into ice cream land once in a while as long as you don't overdo it. Moderation in all things is the key. 

Lay off the beer too. I know it's hard, but instead of going to the pub and knocking down a couple pints, order a dram of good Scottish single malt and just nurse it while you hobnob. It won't pack the calories into you like bitters will. 

And as far as the OM being younger and fitter? Pshaw! Do you honestly think he's going to hang on to your used up old lady once he's used her for sex? He will dump her like fish heads when he's had enough of her. 

Your STBXW is a stupid woman. I'm sorry. She is. And she will pay a heavy cost for what she has done. 

Next time you go clothes shopping take your daughter with you and let her pick out your clothes. Good dad and daughter bonding time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

Cheers guys...

Don't know what to do half the time, the hatred between D10 and STBXW is part of what is stopping me moving forwards as I always have to be thinking what is STBWQ going to do to me to retaliate next. She is under a delusional state where I am the one causing D10 not to like her, its never her actions that are causing this she can't admit she has even done anything wrong probably because of friends and MIL supporting this mess!!

She is telling D10 on Saturday that she is pregnant and engaged to POSOM, dreading the reaction but again it will be me and my parents picking up the pieces for what the b1tch of a STBXW has done.

I wish I could go around to there little love nest and beat the living crap out of POSOM, I know this is wrong, it is not how I work and I would regret it worse than that I would most likely lose D10 so I can't :-(, god it would make me feel good to cause that wuss some of the pain that he has put me and D10 through though!!


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## turnera

I suggest you line up a therapist appointment for your daughter for next week.


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## "joe"

hi whyeme, sent a PM, hope you got it.


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## LostViking

If you haven't already, see a therapist for yourself to help you process your anger.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

I will be fine, my anger comes and goes but I would not act on it as that is not my style or way! I just keep going back to could I make this work somehow for my little girl, then to there is no way I could go back after what she has done!

Its all such a nightmare this, so many regrets wish I had never supported my wife to go for this new job where she met the SOB in the training, wish I had been a better husband and somehow found a way to snap her out of this before she left.

These wobbles are driving me mad! I suppose it is normal but what can you do it normally happens in the evenings when I am alone or worse first thing when I wake up, I turn over to hold her in my arms like I did every day and night then realise she is not there anymore :-(


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## weightlifter

IF I am repeating i apologize.

Read the entire thread of poster bff. It ends well i promise. Picture yourself there in 14 months then make it happen.


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## whyeme

Well W told D10 yesterday, that went down like a ton of bricks she has basically told her mum she wants nothing to do with her and to leave her alone full stop!

Pretty much what I expected, STBXW still in denial and thought it would go down well (you gotta love that fog), she has been told repeatedly by D10 how she will have nothing to do with her until OM is out of her life so how did she think having his spawn was going to make D10 feel!

The whole thing is so sad they used to be so close and W would do anything D10 wanted so her not listening to D10 for the last few months has pushed them apart so much!

Also, been trawling through BFF's thread am about half way there it felt like a soap opera especially the smoking gun but god that guy is brave! wish I had been able to compose myself like that when I found out about the EA part of the affair, I might have still had W :-( although I doubt it!

Still keep going between could I make this work if she left OM and screw it I am moving forward, the issue is how deeply I love W it is so hard to go forward thinking there might be a chance, but then I think I am 31 I have so much of life to go so I should just grab it and go for it!


----------



## BashfulB

You are still young. You have a whole life ahead of you that is too valuable to hang onto this sick woman. Why on earth would you even think about talking her back after what she has put you through? You are in your own fog as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986

It saddens me to hear what your daughter is being put through at such a young age. She needs your strength right now. You are proving to be the one point of stability and consistency in her life, so keep doing what you're doing.


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## tobio

whyeme, are you waiting two years to divorce? Why not go down the unreasonable behaviour option if she won't admit adultery?

Tbh I'd rush through for the sake of your daughter but also so your STBXW doesn't change her mind about you having the house. So when things go pear-shaped, you've covered your back because the divorce is through.


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## whyeme

I know it is like a fog I am in, I am hoping that once I find somebody new that it will kick me in the head to moving on, they do say your heart won't mend until you learn to love again so fingers crossed.

I can file for adultery you just have to prove she had sex with OM and you can't live with the consequences of it, I think the baby pretty much proves that + she wants to marry this SOB so would love me to do it ASAP. I am just not ready to divorce and to be honest it will be annoying her that I haven't so there is a positive!

Just don't know what to do anymore, feeling lonely and miss adult company with me! my daughter is amazing to be with just feels so crappy when you go out as a single Dad with her and you see all these happy families :-(

Life kinda sucks at the moment, need to focus on something positive!


----------



## husbandfool

Your daughter admires and loves you for the being a rock in her life. Stay that rock.
Be patient and enjoy what you can. You will find that women admire and are attracted to a good man who is a good father. You will attract the best type of women, IMHO. It may take some time but, first try to stabilize your life and develop healthy living patterns. Do you have relatives on your side of the family around who could also give your daughter healthy attention? These are good influences.

Years ago, before my recent D, I had lost my first wife to cancer and was a single dad with 3 kids. I was in my 40s. Between work and trying to provide a stable homelife for my kids, I felt totally alone and missed adult relationships and company. It took a year or two but, I found that many women were attracted to me and meeting women became quite easy. 

Get good lawyers, take the high road, and stay the course. I am betting you will find a much better women and, in the end, will be much happier than than you can imagine right now.


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## happyman64

Whyeme

Remember, you are not alone.

Many of us have been right where you are today.

The feelings of loving and hating that one person you trusted would never hurt you, your marriage and family this badly.

You will survive this. In fact in a year or two you will be whole again, if you allow it to happen, you can even be great!

To R or D is a tough decision. But it takes two.

Worse, you will have this new child to remind you every day of your wife's betrayal.

My advice is to proceed with divorce with infidelity as your cause.

Give your wife what she desires.

Then heal.

Look up marduks post titled "Let Her Go".

It will help you.

Good luck and protect your D10 as best you can because she feels jut as betrayed as you do.

HM64


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## whyeme

Thanks husbandfool I feel for your loss having lost 3 relatives in the last 3 years to cancer :-(

Yeah I know I will be better without her the scary thing is my daughter is the one telling me that as well which is very sad. It is the loss of my family that hurts the most but I still have my little girl and everything material from our marriage is still in my posession so the only thing I have lost really is the ugly mess that is my wife.

HM64 cheers, you are right of course looking at his child every day would be heartbreaking and the only way I could ever go back is to treat us as a new relatonship where the child is from the failed one but to be honest, why bother! I know I am worth more than what she did to me during the marriage (bullying) as well as the mess of an affair she created.

In some ways I am glad that D10 hates her, it makes it easier for me and being her rock and there for her whilst her Mum acts like a fool will hopefully star with her for life.

Just hope I can find somebody new which is what I want right now, I miss having somebody to love and care for. It might be too early but I feel like I am ready to give my love again.


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## LostViking

If you can fastrack the divorce on grounds of adultery then what are you waiting for? For your WW to have an epiphany? It's not coming. She is bonded to the OM with a child now. There is no going back for her. Do you get that? There is no chance for a successful R unless she has some kind of religious come to Jesus moment, which I doubt highly. 

I really do not see where your uncertainty stems from. The marriage is dead. The woman you loved is dead. Get on with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

Lostviking, I know that not waiting for an epiphany I have been advised by my solicitor not to start it yet she advises to wait for now as it will most likely start a s**t storm that is not needed and there really is no hurry!

It also has the added advantage of p*ssing of WW as it messes with her plans so bit of a bonus. The weird thing is she is not asking for a divorce which I find extremely weird, I would have thought that would be high on her list but I am the only 1 who mentioned divorce and that was once just after finding out about his spawn and her answer was well I suppose we should yes.

House will be secured shortly because it will be in my name and she is prepared to sign a legal document handing it over to me, finances are already sorted the custody is an issue because D10 refuses to have anything to do with her which is fine with me but causing issues with er!


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## MattMatt

Cheaterville, mate. ASAP. And yes, it does work.

Here is an example of a chancer who is not the happy cheater he once was:-
My General Blog: Be afraid, UK cheaters. CheaterVille has come to the UK


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## whyeme

I did Cheaterville a few weeks ago then was advised by my friend at work to take it down so I did!

I am currently fighting the urge to go around there little love nest and kick the living s*it out of OM for what he has done to my little girl, the piece of scum shows no guilt and seems to be getting away scot free, I wouldn't mind but his mum and dad split up because he had multiple affairs now he has caused far more pain to my little girl by getting her Mum pregnant! How the hell are you supposed to stop the feelings of wanting to ring the piece of scums neck? I just keep remembering that if I do anything I will lose my little girl but god these urges to hurt this SOB are getting stronger by the day the more pain I see my little girl in :-(

How the hell can people do this to a little girl, WW was supposed to protect her not destroy her, this world is so screwed up!!


----------



## Omego

whyeme said:


> I did Cheaterville a few weeks ago then was advised by my friend at work to take it down so I did!
> 
> I am currently fighting the urge to go around there little love nest and kick the living s*it out of OM for what he has done to my little girl, the piece of scum shows no guilt and seems to be getting away scot free, I wouldn't mind but his mum and dad split up because he had multiple affairs now he has caused far more pain to my little girl by getting her Mum pregnant! How the hell are you supposed to stop the feelings of wanting to ring the piece of scums neck? I just keep remembering that if I do anything I will lose my little girl but god these urges to hurt this SOB are getting stronger by the day the more pain I see my little girl in :-(
> 
> How the hell can people do this to a little girl, WW was supposed to protect her not destroy her, this world is so screwed up!!


You can't let the anger fester either and incur health issues. You have to let it out. I know violence is not really advised, but I would go ahead and contact him via text or email and let him have it. And frankly, what would happen if you beat the ... out of him? I may have missed the details, but is there anyway to ruin his professional life? It's no good feeling walked over, I'm sorry to say, but no.


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## bfree

Why do you care if a sh!tstorm happens? Why do you care if she gets p!ssed off? If you want to wait until she signs the house over to you then I can understand but if she balks in any way I'd let it all fly. And once she signs I'd let it all fly anyway. She created this mess not you.

"Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!"


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## whyeme

bfree, thats exactly why I don't want to cause a sh!tstorm, I want to make sure the house is secured custody type stuff is sorted then I will let all hell break loose once all the legal stuff is done!!

OM is in the Police so is WW that is the issue, they will f*ck me over royally as it is 2 of there own! I did leave him a voicemail giving him what for (wouldn't answer the phone) and I text him in April after D day but he is a wuss and he won't react to any of it also WW stands in front of him and protects him saying that all of this mess is her fault and nothing to do with him (takes 2 to tango)!

So much for women going for the "alpha male" this guy is scared of spiders, watches WWE wrestling, Power Rangers and other childrens cartoons and drives what can only be described as a girls car! according to my daughter the other day WW told her she came down to watch TV and found a TV channel on dedicated to cartoons for pre teen girls all I can say is WTF!!

I have been buffing up since she left and doing combat training so am now fairly able to kick the living cr*p out of this guy, but it is what he will do to me and more importantly the ramifications on custody of D10 that is stopping me :-(

Need to vent this anger so badly and have no way to do it, its driving me crazy now!


----------



## bfree

whyeme said:


> bfree, thats exactly why I don't want to cause a sh!tstorm, I want to make sure the house is secured custody type stuff is sorted then I will let all hell break loose once all the legal stuff is done!!
> 
> OM is in the Police so is WW that is the issue, they will f*ck me over royally as it is 2 of there own! I did leave him a voicemail giving him what for (wouldn't answer the phone) and I text him in April after D day but he is a wuss and he won't react to any of it also WW stands in front of him and protects him saying that all of this mess is her fault and nothing to do with him (takes 2 to tango)!
> 
> So much for women going for the "alpha male" this guy is scared of spiders, watches WWE wrestling, Power Rangers and other childrens cartoons and drives what can only be described as a girls car! according to my daughter the other day WW told her she came down to watch TV and found a TV channel on dedicated to cartoons for pre teen girls all I can say is WTF!!
> 
> I have been buffing up since she left and doing combat training so am now fairly able to kick the living cr*p out of this guy, but it is what he will do to me and more importantly the ramifications on custody of D10 that is stopping me :-(
> 
> Need to vent this anger so badly and have no way to do it, its driving me crazy now!


As part of law enforcement I would think they would have more to fear from you than the other way around. After all, if they harass you in any way and you report it they would face discipline wouldn't they?


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## whyeme

Yes that is true but if I went mental on him he would just get me arrested, charged with whatever and then I would lose D10 for sure.

The thing is this piece of scum deserves it! WW has been discussing her issues with her sergeant (also had affair and destroyed his family) and getting advise from him. Soon debunked his advise when she tried to use it as my solicitor said what she was being told is a load of cr*p about D10, MIL is also giving her crap advise!!

It is D10 I am concerned about, wish I could go back to this time last year and prevented this mess from even starting now just need to limit its psychological damage on her!


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## turnera

It's much more satisfying to use your brains and hurt him in a legal way that hurts him long term, rather than just a beating. Figure out how to ruin his career or something.


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## happyman64

whyeme said:


> bfree, thats exactly why I don't want to cause a sh!tstorm, I want to make sure the house is secured custody type stuff is sorted then I will let all hell break loose once all the legal stuff is done!!
> 
> OM is in the Police so is WW that is the issue, they will f*ck me over royally as it is 2 of there own! I did leave him a voicemail giving him what for (wouldn't answer the phone) and I text him in April after D day but he is a wuss and he won't react to any of it also WW stands in front of him and protects him saying that all of this mess is her fault and nothing to do with him (takes 2 to tango)!
> 
> So much for women going for the "alpha male" this guy is scared of spiders, watches WWE wrestling, Power Rangers and other childrens cartoons and drives what can only be described as a girls car! according to my daughter the other day WW told her she came down to watch TV and found a TV channel on dedicated to cartoons for pre teen girls all I can say is WTF!!
> 
> I have been buffing up since she left and doing combat training so am now fairly able to kick the living cr*p out of this guy, but it is what he will do to me and more importantly the ramifications on custody of D10 that is stopping me :-(
> 
> Need to vent this anger so badly and have no way to do it, its driving me crazy now!


You vent the anger here, or at a gym.

Not at them.

You do not need the legal ramifications.

Screw them!

Stay calm, cool, dispassionate. Secure the home. Secure custody of your daughter. 

Your W still needs to feel the consequences for her actions. The D will be the final consequence and possibly the loss of her Daughter.

Not your problem my friend.

You are doing great. Try your best not to think of them and extricate yourself from her mess.

It is only about you and your kid.

Leave the other two doofus's to themselves.

They truly deserve each other.

HM


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## Shaggy

When she denands that you force D10 to be nice to her and spend tine with her, refuse. Don't betray your daughter like that.

If you name the OM n the D can you either use that as a way to publically humiliate him? Are the hr policies such that the police are allowed to have no morals?


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## LostViking

whyeme said:


> Yes that is true but if I went mental on him he would just get me arrested, charged with whatever and then I would lose D10 for sure.
> 
> The thing is this piece of scum deserves it! WW has been discussing her issues with her sergeant (also had affair and destroyed his family) and getting advise from him. Soon debunked his advise when she tried to use it as my solicitor said what she was being told is a load of cr*p about D10, MIL is also giving her crap advise!!
> 
> It is D10 I am concerned about, wish I could go back to this time last year and prevented this mess from even starting now just need to limit its psychological damage on her!


How would you have prevented it? 

You can't even summon the rocks to even disagree with a friend and leave the Cheaterville announcement up. 

Why is it so easy for people to sway you on things? Why do you let others steer your life?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

Hi Guys,

Thanks for your help I will keep my rants to here, I do really appreciate what you guys say and am following a hell of a lot of what you guys suggest I really appreciate the support I certainly need it!

With regards to Cheatersville I wasn't easily swayed my friend made a very good point that if they see it then it might cause issues around the D, custody and possible legal ramifications so to wait until after everything is secured before I do it!! I kind of saw her point and have for now hidden my entry but do intend on posting both of these pieces of scum on there eventually.

I can't think of any way to cause the piece of scum issues at work really, its the UK police force and as they all seem to be at it I very much doubt that there is anything HR can do but I am open to suggestions.

Just been out for a great afternoon with D10 and my parents, crazy golf, a nice meal and loads of fun which has cheered me up! 

I don't know what to do about D10 and W, if I don't help W she threatens me with legal, custody etc.. and if I do help I am betraying D10 which I sure as hell don't want to do so I am torn between a battle that quite frankly I don't want to fight in.

Anybody any suggestions on that, my legal options are quite an issue as I get no legal aid and can't afford thousands and solicitor costs!


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## LostViking

You British guys are screwed. It's almost as if British law promotes infidelity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

Well if you don't try anything, you won't know if it might have helped.

I think you should consider notifying HR and reporting the your wife ha been having an affair with another officer and that she is now pregnant with his child.


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## tom67

Shaggy said:


> Well if you don't try anything, you won't know if it might have helped.
> 
> I think you should consider notifying HR and reporting the your wife ha been having an affair with another officer and that she is now pregnant with his child.


What do you have to lose-nothing.


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## whyeme

After reading BFF's thread I would say California is worse!!! but yeah feel a bit stuck really, its worse being a bloke with the kid as everything seems to be on the womans side but luckily according to my solicitor that has changed over recent years so my daughters feelings are normally what are taken in to account, luckily the war going on between D10 is helping that cause!

Just keep torturing myself and need to stop doing that somehow, need to get my head back in the game and just completely ignore stbxw somehow which is difficult when she is constantly calling me to try and sort out her's and D10 relationship.


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## whyeme

Ok guys, first call tomorrow... her Police HR department, lets see what they say as you say nothing to lose!!


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## LostViking

You need to overcome your fear and hit the wife and OM where it hurts: their jobs. But I understand you wanting to wait for the divorce terms to be set.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt

So, a lovely new and utterly charming chap turns up and steals a married woman from her husband? Even turns mother-in-law's head?

*A married woman who has a ten-year-old daughter*.

This is worrying.


----------



## MattMatt

whyeme said:


> Hi Guys,
> 
> Thanks for your help I will keep my rants to here, I do really appreciate what you guys say and am following a hell of a lot of what you guys suggest I really appreciate the support I certainly need it!
> 
> With regards to Cheatersville I wasn't easily swayed my friend made a very good point that if they see it then it might cause issues around the D, custody and possible legal ramifications so to wait until after everything is secured before I do it!! I kind of saw her point and have for now hidden my entry but do intend on posting both of these pieces of scum on there eventually.
> 
> I can't think of any way to cause the piece of scum issues at work really, its the UK police force and as they all seem to be at it I very much doubt that there is anything HR can do but I am open to suggestions.
> 
> Just been out for a great afternoon with D10 and my parents, crazy golf, a nice meal and loads of fun which has cheered me up!
> 
> I don't know what to do about D10 and W, if I don't help W she threatens me with legal, custody etc.. and if I do help I am betraying D10 which I sure as hell don't want to do so I am torn between a battle that quite frankly I don't want to fight in.
> 
> Anybody any suggestions on that, my legal options are quite an issue as I get no legal aid and can't afford thousands and solicitor costs!


Get someone else to out the dastard on Cheaterville. Do it arms length.

See, if he is the kind of person I think he is, he'll have as many enemies as he has friends down the local nick. And any one of them could have got in touch with Cheaterville.


----------



## MattMatt

bfree said:


> As part of law enforcement I would think they would have more to fear from you than the other way around. After all, if they harass you in any way and you report it they would face discipline wouldn't they?


In theory. In practice, well, not always the case in the UK, sadly.


----------



## MattMatt

turnera said:


> You should invite some of those kids from school - including the bully - to your house for a small party.


No. "Here, Bully! Here is where my daughter lives!"


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## whyeme

Here is where my daughter lives "shows nice bedroom of daughters with all the gadgets and toys" then here is where little sh*ts like you deserve to live and show her the cupboard under the stairs!! 

Will see how the bullying progresses as the baby **** has happened over summer hols so we will see the repercussions in a week or so when D10 goes back to school. W has promised she has broken contact with the mum of the little s*it stirrer but we will soon see if W lived up to that if the kid on the playground know about the spawn in her stomach!!


----------



## 3putt

whyeme said:


> Ok guys, first call tomorrow... her Police HR department, lets see what they say as you say nothing to lose!!


If you expose by calling it WILL be swept under the rug. You have to do it in writing, and send copies to both their immediate bosses, then their boss (captain, I guess), and then again higher. Figure out what the chain of command is and go from there. If you need a template to use, let me know.


----------



## whyeme

3Putt, that sounds logical if you have a template I would love to see it, the issue is her commanding officer did a similar thing so is spewing BS stuff to her on how she can crush me getting custody of D10! most of it has been counteracted by my solicitor who says that is not how it works but still it would be nice to get this in to screw up there lives a bit!!


----------



## 3putt

whyeme said:


> 3Putt, that sounds logical if you have a template I would love to see it, the issue is her commanding officer did a similar thing so is spewing BS stuff to her on how she can crush me getting custody of D10! most of it has been counteracted by my solicitor who says that is not how it works but still it would be nice to get this in to screw up there lives a bit!!


That's why you take it to the CO's boss and even his boss as well. 

This is a typical workplace exposure letter that was written by a member of the MB board. She's a corporate attorney here in the states. You can modify it to suit your needs.



> Workplace exposure letter - be sure and send to 3 key people and cc each on the letter. Good targets would be the Director of Human Resources, a key VP and both affairee's supervisor. This can be sent via registered letter or even via email!
> 
> Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney--
> 
> To Whom It May Concern:
> 
> This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.
> 
> WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.
> 
> If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.
> 
> Regards,
> _________________________
> _________________________


----------



## BrockLanders

Have you filed for child support yet?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

No we have agreed child maintenance at the rate the UK CSA would put it at based on her wage and she is paying it so that is one thing we have at least sorted!!

She called twice last night and D10 just refused to talk to her on the phone, looks like all bridges are burnt good and proper now! she has told her she wants nothing to do with her and might consider it if she dumps OM (like that will happen) so looks like the nuclear bomb she dropped on D10 Saturday with the pregnancy worked wonders! love how delusional she is and thought that this is good news and that D10 would love to know about it gotta love that fog!


----------



## happyman64

whyeme said:


> No we have agreed child maintenance at the rate the UK CSA would put it at based on her wage and she is paying it so that is one thing we have at least sorted!!
> 
> She called twice last night and D10 just refused to talk to her on the phone, looks like all bridges are burnt good and proper now! she has told her she wants nothing to do with her and might consider it if she dumps OM (like that will happen) so looks like the nuclear bomb she dropped on D10 Saturday with the pregnancy worked wonders! love how delusional she is and thought that this is good news and that D10 would love to know about it gotta love that fog!


The fog is very powerful.

Wait till she comes out of it and realizes what she has lost.....

New baby or not she will someday realize it.

The key is to have left her behind by then.


----------



## whyeme

The fog is thick is an understatement!!! sounds more like a concrete wall than fog, oh well can't help these defective personalities though can we 

Onwards and upwards is my motto at the moment, D10 seems happy enough and is happily attached to my Mum as she has been since she was a few weeks old as she looked after her all her life whilst we worked! She even told me last night that her Nan was a great role model and has been more like her Mum than her real Mum has ever been so its all good at least!!!


----------



## happyman64

Your D is a smart kid. Keep treating her that way.

And your Mom is awesome.

Give her a kiss from me.


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## Chaparral

some folks just act like someone in the know on cheaterville. They do not act like the person cheated on. Plausible deniability.


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## phillybeffandswiss

whyeme said:


> I know that stbxw and OM were up to stuff just before her miscarriage!


 Wait...wait...wait... She was messing around while carrying your child? That's disgusting. Good lord, every time I think I can't be more disgusted with an affair partner, someone has a worse story.

Keep your head up. take your time, get that house in your name, get your daughter secured and then go in guns blazing.


----------



## turnera

MattMatt said:


> No. "Here, Bully! Here is where my daughter lives!"


 Actually, reaching out to a bully can often diffuse the situation. They are usually unhappy, insecure people who believe no one would really like them or welcome them. Showing them they have a place could be a growth opportunity for the bully as well as the victim. And their parents.


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## whyeme

Help!!! having another downer wanting her back again and could do with some motivation!!

I think it is when I am forced to talk to the b*tch as was fine until I had to speak to her about some plans for my daughter (had to ensure it didn't p!ss her off as want to take my daughter away day after her birthday and needed to make sure she had no plans).

I know I shouldn't think like that but don't want custody issues, ever ytime I hear her voice it just wants me to find a way to get her back :-( arghhhhh wish I could go dark on her but that would just create a custody court case which I could do without!!

Was feeling great until I talked to her!!


----------



## whyeme

Sorry Philly, to answer your question yes she was flirting with him when pregnant with my child, it was only when she miscarried and he was the shoulder to cry on because i was 70 miles up the road at work that she started to build a deeper emotional attachment.


----------



## ing

Hey. Been away a little bit so not keeping up on your thread.

The mother of your child is going to try and engage you because she sees you are the route to her child. She will believe that you spend all your time poisoning your daughters mind against her and will be telling everybody this. She has to do this to justify the reason she has abandoned her 10 year old daughter.

Avoid her. Do not engage at any level she is off with the pixies and will probably stay there. 
She knows how to push all your buttons and will push every one of them.

Get into IC. Spend your money on that. Your going to have to be Mum and Dad to our daughter and guys are really bad at being mum. It helped me heaps.

Accept help.

As far as adult company at no cost.
Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup

I think meetup saved my sanity.

Missing her is ok. Still loving her is okay, but remember that the person you loved no longer exists. You are loving a memory and although it doesn't hurt any less because of that, it is good to know what you are grieving. You may always love that memory.

The Bridge/gun/pillar moment.
You are not alone in this. There was a thread a while back where pretty much everyone admitted to wanting to end it at some point after Dday.. 
You have a job to do though, and your needed, but you already know this.

Nobody here will judge you for sometimes feeling that way and i have typed out some crazy vents over the years. Anger is good. Just keep it here.

Try and get some sleep , some rest. If you are suffering anxiety there is no shame in getting some help from the Doctor. My only regret looking back is that I didn't stay on anti-anxiety drugs longer


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## whyeme

Hi ing,

Thanks for the encouraging words, yeah she is blaming me for poisoning her daughters mind even though the reality is far from the truth! she can't see actions speak louder than words and the fact she couldn't give a damn about her daughter for 6 months, she ignored her, betrayed her father, betrayed her family (and her in effect) and this subsequent baby are all the actions she needs.

She also cannot see why my daughter wants nothing to do with OM, why should she want to? W blames herself for the affair and OM had nothing to do with it and can't get it in her head that it takes 2 and either of them could have stopped this but they didn't!

My daughter is a bright spark, she knows what is going on because she is bright and has put things together on her own. The funny thing is W and MIL have been giving her more and more ammunition by defending OM. She is so embarrassed by her Mum and OM especially her Mum who is acting like a 15 year old school girl and wants her to just leave her alone!

The good thing is she thinks of my Mum as her Mum so luckily she is giving her all of the motherly advise and being there for her, she has looked after her since birth whilst we were at work and they have a very close bond which is great.

Just trying to push forward, slowly just feel like life is empty and that is not good :-(


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

whyeme said:


> Sorry Philly, to answer your question yes she was flirting with him when pregnant with my child, it was only when she miscarried and he was the shoulder to cry on because i was 70 miles up the road at work that she started to build a deeper emotional attachment.


Sorry man, hate to bring that up. Fix yourself, get yourself in good shape, get some good hobbies and dump her. Sorry, yes, you weren't there, but there are girlfriends, family and you to lean on in a time of need.


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## weightlifter

OP. has she made any public announcements she is preggers with OM s baby as opposed to yours? 
When is she due?

Advice do not take her back under any circumstances. Watching her grow another mans baby inside her will mess your mind in far worse ways.


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## TDSC60

Don't British courts take the wishes of the child into consideration when assigning custody?

Any half ass judge could see that forced contact with her Mom while she hates and detests the things her Mom has done is bad for the child.


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## whyeme

Hi Guys,

Yeah she has made it public she is pregnant on Facebook with his baby last week after her first scan! looks like her family are actually starting to be p**sed off with her now as she went a family event over the weekend that did not go well apparently, probably because D10 refused to go I also noticed that nobody in her family liked her announcement which I find a bit odd (I have defriended and blocked her, but have somebody who can check who W doesn't know about so I can gather any evidence if required)! The rabbit hole got a bit deeper when she told D10 when the baby was due as it is February which puts the conception date as May! considering her period ends the first couple of days of the month that means she got pregnant with OM baby within 2-3 weeks of moving in with him which is pretty disgusting (meeting the guy, having affair to conception of child less than 9 weeks in total). If you asked me this is possibly why her family are not happy (Mum is a bit of a stuck up person so her daughters behaviour will most likely be frowned upon now and the issues with D10 are getting to her)!!

And TDSC you are right the courts take her wishes in to consideration thankfully, my solicitor says if W tries to take this to court in D10 current state she will most likely at best get some visitation rights without OM being allowed to see her, OR she could lose her altogether if they deem her behaviour unfit to be around her but she has not done anything dangerous to her, the only damage she has done is psychological!

She did speak to me a couple of weeks ago and said she had spoken to a solicitor and didn't want to go the court route because it is "expensive" I think more likely her solicitor said similar to mine and she knows she is screwed!

Still feeling a bit emotionally messed up at the moment in myself, doing Les Mill's combat DVD's and starting to look a bit more toned which is good and filling me with confidence plus really enjoying it  just need to move on somehow which I think will come when I meet somebody special in my life again!! Took D10 to the cinema and Mcdonalds at the weekend which was great, not done that with her in years (Mum always used to take her)

In the mean time anybody got any good ideas for cheering yourself up and getting your mind off the mess that is now life!


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## turnera

Yeah, do something new.


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## LostViking

I feel bad for the unborn child and the dysfunctional mother she will have to grow up with. 

I see your WW trying to get back together with you in a few years time, after this adulterous relationship implodes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral

Its an excellent time to take our daughter to church. The both of you might take this oppurtunity to take some dance lessons and bond.


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## whyeme

I was looking at church but the idea was a bit daunting, I mean yes I am a christian just not practicing and my daughter is also very religious. The thought of going to church scares me though for some reason!

What did you guys try to cheer yourselves up? I have tried to find stuff locally in our city but am getting nowhere I tried the site recommended earlier in the thread but there was about 5 groups and none of them were interesting as they were aimed more at older people, the only 1 that was remotely interesting was skeptics in the pub but that isn't really going to make me feel happier (well the pub part maybe)!!

Need to get out and meet some friends (as all of mine betrayed me :-( , I am trying Oasis.com to meet friends/possible future GF but to be honest most people just reject you which is a bit rude but hey who cares plenty of people on there 

Oh, and lostviking as much as I had wanted her back in the past that feeling is dissipating fast and D10 has told me she doesn't want me to get back with her so that is more of an encouragement not to. 

I don't know what I would do if I was single and she asked though I am probably 70% likely to reject her at the moment and that grows day by day, I mean in 1 way we did look at adopting a child so at least this would be sort of related but it is OM visiting and how the child came to be that would screw me up! I can't hate the child though as to me that is wrong as it is not its fault it was born to a screwed up Mum and Dad if anything I pity it!!


----------



## turnera

The YMCA usually has a lot of stuff you can sign up for. 

For church, why not make a practice of you and your daughter trying a new church each month? All churches welcome guests.


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## LostViking

How about trekking, or geocaching clubs? Those are alot of fun and you and your daughter can get exercise while spending time together. These activities require no great monetary outlay and the people who are into it are usually very nice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking

One thing you need to always remember, your wife is now a cheater. She has crossed the boundary and she has a taste for it now. This ringer she is sleeping with is the same as her and probably worse. The house she is building for herself simply cannot stand. Down the road she will cheat on him or he will cheat on her and the cycle will repeat. Best you can do is keep your daughter as insulated from that dysfunction as you can.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

Well back to school for D10 today, wifes wonderful friends child standing across the playground laughing and pointing at D10 so presume she is spreading the wonderful news that her mum is pregnant to everybody!

All of this is just getting me down now, I don't think my daughter should suffer because her mum is a selfish wh**e!! 

I spoke to the headmistress on the way in which was good and got her up to speed with the goings on over summer break so at least they can keep an eye on her but the whole thing is just such a mess!


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## bandit.45

Is there anyone in your family or circle who is on your side?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

Yeah my family are all on my side and supporting me and D10..

Rabbit hole got a lot deeper today, WW came around and wanted to chat, for the first time in many months spoke what I think was nearly the truth!

Basically this is all killing her, she regrets what she has done, wish she hadn't done it but there is no way of going back now because of the pregnancy. Pregnancy was an accident and all sorts!

Then got the i love you but not in love with you speech which was odd as I thought she didn't love me anymore that shows me that she does have feelings for me. She was sat most of the time crying about what she had done and also regretting what she had done! Took me aback a bit, also found out several things that it is not as rosey in the OM house as she makes it out to be in public and that family and friends are not actually happy with her because of what she has done to D10!!

LostViking I think you are right 100% about her wanting to come back, she is just laying the foundations to test the water and see where she stands and if/when this fails whether she can weasel her way back in, I stayed strong throughout though.

What a weird day!


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## tom67

whyeme said:


> Yeah my family are all on my side and supporting me and D10..
> 
> Rabbit hole got a lot deeper today, WW came around and wanted to chat, for the first time in many months spoke what I think was nearly the truth!
> 
> Basically this is all killing her, she regrets what she has done, wish she hadn't done it but there is no way of going back now because of the pregnancy. Pregnancy was an accident and all sorts!
> 
> Then got the i love you but not in love with you speech which was odd as I thought she didn't love me anymore that shows me that she does have feelings for me. She was sat most of the time crying about what she had done and also regretting what she had done! Took me aback a bit, also found out several things that it is not as rosey in the OM house as she makes it out to be in public and that family and friends are not actually happy with her because of what she has done to D10!!
> 
> LostViking I think you are right 100% about her wanting to come back, she is just laying the foundations to test the water and see where she stands and if/when this fails whether she can weasel her way back in, I stayed strong throughout though.
> 
> What a weird day!


It's just me but I would not raise someone elses kid. Well she is learning (too late) that it's not always greener on the other side.


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## whowouldhavethought

tom67 said:


> It's just me but I would not raise someone elses kid. Well she is learning (too late) that it's not always greener on the other side.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:​


----------



## Acabado

WW is in such a need to get some IC...


----------



## Nucking Futs

tom67 said:


> It's just me but I would not raise someone elses kid. Well she is learning (too late) that it's not always greener on the other side.


Wrong! It's not just you.


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## Iver

I also would not be willing to raise the OM's child - or put up with any kind of joint custody arrangement she may have with the OM down the road. There's just no way.

That child would be a constant reminder of her cheating. There's no way I'd be able to stand that for 18 years. Not blaming the child in any way but that's just how I'd take it.

Abortion or Adoption or hit the highway would be my message to her.

The fact is this fling she's in will end - sooner or later, even if she marries him, it's going to end. My guess is she knows it as well.

I'd tell her if she has any desire for a any kind of civil relationship with you and the daughter she needs to boot the OM out; end the pregnancy and apologize to your families, to you and the daughter.


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## warlock07

What are the issues with the OM ? is he not prince charming anymore ?


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## bfree

tom67 said:


> It's just me but I would not raise someone elses kid. Well she is learning (too late) that it's not always greener on the other side.


Yeah, talk about a daily reminder of the betrayal.


----------



## bfree

warlock07 said:


> What are the issues with the OM ? is he not prince charming anymore ?


Heh, maybe he's Prince Valium


----------



## LostViking

whyeme said:


> Yeah my family are all on my side and supporting me and D10..
> 
> Rabbit hole got a lot deeper today, WW came around and wanted to chat, for the first time in many months spoke what I think was nearly the truth!
> 
> Basically this is all killing *her*, she regrets what she has done (to herself, not you) , wish she hadn't done it but there is no way of going back now because of the pregnancy. Pregnancy was an accident (yeah... she was running naked and tripped and her vag landed on his pecker) and all sorts!
> 
> Then got the i love you but not in love with you speech (um, no... she doesn't love you at all) which was odd as I thought she didn't love me anymore that shows me that she does have feelings for me (sorry...no, she does not. She misses the stability of the home you provided) . She was sat most of the time crying about what she had done and also regretting what she had done (no, this is called feeling sorry for herself)! Took me aback a bit, also found out several things that it is not as rosey in the OM house as she makes it out to be in public and that family and friends are not actually happy with her because of what she has done to D10!! (no sh!t...)
> 
> LostViking I think you are right 100% about her wanting to come back, she is just laying the foundations to test the water and see where she stands and if/when this fails whether she can weasel her way back in, I stayed strong throughout though.
> 
> What a weird day!


It is all about her. Until it is about you, until she really starts to empathse with the pain and devastation she caused you, until she can put herself in your shoes and absorb the horror and devastation she wrought in your life, and starts showing some real, honest, empathy, everything she tells you is pablum to be spit out of your mouth. 

And I agree with everyone else: no way should you raise another man's child. You do everything you can to make sure your name stays off that birth certificate. She either has the child and gives it up to the OM, puts the child up for adoption or terminates the pregnancy. Anthing less, then she is not welcome back nor will you even consider R with her. 

It sounds like she and the OM had a fight, and you being her soft landing pad, are there for her to run to and moan to about her problems. She still thinks you are her friend and confidant. 

Tell her you are not her friend. If she wants absolution for what she has done, tell her to go see a vicar. 

In a day or so she and the OM will make up and you will be a nobody to her again. Don't let her trap you with niceities. She's a scorpion.


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## whyeme

Hi Lostviking, there was a lot of sympathy and apologising to me and she understands how I must feel seeing her pregnant and that it must be killing me but yeah, too little too late unfortunately. She was showing remorse not just saying me, me, me but yeah.

She will regret this for the rest of her life, and yeah I agree I don't see how I could ever take on his kid, it isn't right and like you said its a constant reminder of her cheating which cannot be rectified!

I never once said I would take her back or even looked like I contemplated it, just weird hearing all that coming out of her gob because up until now it has all been hatred towards me and zero regret!


----------



## LostViking

whyeme said:


> Hi Lostviking, there was a lot of sympathy and apologising to me and she understands how I must feel seeing her pregnant and that it must be killing me but yeah, too little too late unfortunately. She was showing remorse not just saying me, me, me but yeah.
> 
> *She will regret this for the rest of her life*, and yeah I agree I don't see how I could ever take on his kid, it isn't right and like you said its a constant reminder of her cheating which cannot be rectified!
> 
> I never once said I would take her back or even looked like I contemplated it, just weird hearing all that coming out of her gob because up until now it has all been hatred towards me and zero regret!


You are doing good. Don't doubt yourself. 

The best thing you can do is follow the tenants of the *180* to a T. Let her sob, and cry and boo-hoo and rant and rave all she wants. Be stoic. Be a rock. Listen to what she is saying and how she says it. You're British, you can do that well. You don't need to be a d!ck or rude to her to let her know you will not be bowled over or trampled on. This is your opportunity to display to her what a real self-respecting man and gentleman is. You are right, she will come to regret what she has done. But sadly, it seems she does not want to do the work necessary to fix herself or make a better future for herself and the child that is coming. 

She is going to eventually break up with the OM, or he is going to get tired of seeing her fat and pregnant and the sexual desire will be gone. He will bail on her. And she will come sniffing around to you to see if you will take her in and raise her adulterous spawn. Don't fall for it.


----------



## Acabado

She was clearly testing the waters, I asume just in case.
What kind of signals do you believe she got from you?


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## whyeme

Yes thats what I though "testing the waters" I told her that yes I do love you but what you have done to me is beyond believe, she knows she is a fool and I reinforced that and that I can't see anyway past this.

She will never abort or give the child up for adoption, she has wanted it for 10 years so now she has it. I can't also condone either of them options myself, killing an innocent child because its mum and dad are sellf centred basta**ds is not the way to go, adoption is a bit of an uneasy one as you don't know how the child will end up.

It is a mess, she is good at getting in to them and the issue is up until she met this idiot I was always the guy in shining armour that got us out of it someway, this time I cannot see a way! There is still a chance that this baby will miscarry OR have to be terminated on her medical grounds as from what she said today because of her illnesses she is spending half her life in hospital. Wont really know until the 20 week scan though if the child is ok.

And yes I am british, stiff upper lip and all that crap but I do have emotions, its hard to see her like this and not be angry but on the other hand it looks like the Karma bus is going to hit them soon enough!


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## Iver

I think the bottom line here is she'll end up with the child, the OM will be long gone and she'll be looking at you for support.

I think everyone is on the same page here. No way. No how.

The Karma bus is going to leave some serious tire treads on her.

On a different note is you daughter in counseling? This will most likely end with her having a half-sibling. Considering the nature of their relationship now I think she could use some guidance on dealing with it.

p.s. I wish I could use words like "gob" in a sentence...


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## bfree

Should've told her "you hitched yourself to his wagon. Maybe you should have checked it first. You would have known it was being pulled by a mule."


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## whyeme

I am on the same hymn sheet as you all no way no how! The only thing that makes me sort of jump back is that it seems like everybody around 30 has a kid already, so I would end up looking after some other guys kid anyway, why not just look after my wifes?

I know crazy but that is what goes through my mind, I have to keep reminding myself that they are cheating scum to get it out! Problem is I keep thinking could I take her back to bring my family back together but then it would never be the same having another mans kid!!

Too many mind games :-( and bfree god I wish I had that line earlier I so would have used it, it would have been the first thing out of my gob if I had thought of it (gob placed in there just for you Iver  )!


----------



## bfree

whyeme said:


> it seems like everybody around 30 has a kid already,
> 
> *What makes you think you'll end up with a 30 year old woman? Maybe you'll find a nice buxom 24 year old virgin?*
> 
> so I would end up looking after some other guys kid anyway,
> 
> *Not if you don't want to. There are many women who put their careers first only to discover that they were missing the family life. I've seen many successful career women give up those careers to settle down and start a family when they met the right guy.*
> 
> why not just look after my wifes?
> 
> *Ummm, no. A product of cheating on you is vastly different from a woman having a child before you met her.*


----------



## whyeme

Ok well this just keeps spinning around my head at the moment, probably what she wanted yesterday when she dropped all that on me!! I was all f**k her I am getting on with my life, I can find somebody new etc... but now I keep thinking should I discuss if she would consider reconciliation with me if life is so bad for her etc..! 

The biggest problem I have and that eats me up inside was that 2 years ago when her dad passed away I promised him on his deathbed that I would take care of his daughter and his grand daughter when he was gone. The amount of guilt I feel over failing to live up to this promise eats me up so much inside you could not believe, it was a promise I made to a dying main and I failed him. I did discuss this with WW months ago and she has "let me out" of the promise as she said this is all her fault but it doesn't make me feel better seeing her destroying her life, at least I am living up to it for his granddaughter is how I was looking at it but still 50% success rate at the moment!!

Help guys, come smack me round the face a few times to get me out of this fog as my focus is just gone today and I can feel myself heading back in to dangerous grounds that I thought I was out of until this happened!!


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## turnera

Her dad assumed she was worthy of protecting. I'd like to think if he were still alive, he'd have given her a good whooping.

IF she decides you're good enough (yes, I said that) and comes back around, tell her you'll consider it, IF:
She starts going to IC at least twice a month
She starts going to MC with you once a month
She goes to her family and yours and tells them all what she did and asks their forgiveness
She gets a postnup and signs it
She takes off or gives you all passwords to all electronics so you can monitor
She puts a GPS on her car so you can monitor
She does this all while living in her own place

Tell her that if she can do all this - FOR A YEAR - you'll consider taking her back after that year.

If that's too much for her, then you'll have your answer. If it's not too much for her, then it will be a great learning experience and a humbling experience, which she sorely needs, and you just might have a chance.


----------



## bfree

whyeme said:


> Ok well this just keeps spinning around my head at the moment, probably what she wanted yesterday when she dropped all that on me!! I was all f**k her I am getting on with my life, I can find somebody new etc... but now I keep thinking should I discuss if she would consider reconciliation with me if life is so bad for her etc..!
> 
> The biggest problem I have and that eats me up inside was that 2 years ago when her dad passed away I promised him on his deathbed that I would take care of his daughter and his grand daughter when he was gone. The amount of guilt I feel over failing to live up to this promise eats me up so much inside you could not believe, it was a promise I made to a dying main and I failed him. I did discuss this with WW months ago and she has "let me out" of the promise as she said this is all her fault but it doesn't make me feel better seeing her destroying her life, at least I am living up to it for his granddaughter is how I was looking at it but still 50% success rate at the moment!!
> 
> Help guys, come smack me round the face a few times to get me out of this fog as my focus is just gone today and I can feel myself heading back in to dangerous grounds that I thought I was out of until this happened!!


So what exactly does "taking care of her" mean? If I am married to an alcoholic and I constantly take care of them aren't I actually hurting them by enabling their alcohol abuse? Sometimes taking care of someone means forcing them to live with the consequences of their actions.


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## tom67

bfree said:


> So what exactly does "taking care of her" mean? If I am married to an alcoholic and I constantly take care of them aren't I actually hurting them by enabling their alcohol abuse? Sometimes taking care of someone means forcing them to live with the consequences of their actions.


It's called tough love you may have to let her hit rock bottom.


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## weightlifter

Disagree with Turn a bit. NO R FOR AT LEAST 2 years and two different bedmates! You need to SEE HOW MUCH BETTER a different woman will be to you!!! Not just the bed part but loyalty, loving, respect. All of the things WW TOOK FROM YOU!
Dude dont even THINK about R FOR AT LEAST 2 YEARS!
1) Use your head you KNOW it is wrong (meaning incorrect) and a huge probability of making your life worse!
2) *Watching her belly grow with another mans child will mess hour head much worse than it already is.*
3) Thinking about R. Dude you are plan B. CUT IT OUT!!!! Want an R path... Fine! here is an R path. NO R until 01-01-2016. If by that time you have not found a better mate AND you want it, THEN try R. Here is the beauty of it all ****IT MAKES HER PLAN B!!!!****
4) Ref earlier post of yours. Even your daughter wants you to not R.

AFTER you heal. Dont exclude dating the woman with a kid. Here is the difference. 
With different woman even with a kid. you get to look into her eyes and see only her love. NOT her betrayal.
With a different woman with a kid. THAT kid is not a walking talking reminder of her betraying you in the worst possible way!
A woman with a kid (Note I did not say 7 kids), she will understand when you have to tend to your dau as she will understand the bond between parent and child. A single woman will likely not.

A question about UK cops. Are they mostly p***ies? I note you believe you could beat the OM. In the NE US, alot of cops are roiders who spend the day in the gym and the boxing ring. Yes even ones in the burbs. They come complete with military haircuts and a mafia attitude. The only upside is anyone trying to bring gangs into the nice safe quiet burbs here, "has accidents", and are encouraged to go back to the hood. Yes really.

Which combat training are you taking?

Sorry the BFF thread I suggested upset you. I meant it to show you a complete cycle from discovery to proof to divorce to a new woman and a new happiness in his life. Emphasis on the new woman part.

Glad you had the McDonalds moment with your dau. My dau loves the exact same thing at McDs with me too. Did not realize there were many McDs in UK.

Random hobby idea. Buy an SLR take up photography. Might turn into a weekend money maker.

For extra fun. Hire a local model, do Playboy (not gynecological) nudes. (Dont hit on the model, considered bad form)


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## turnera

Well, I say the year because I figure she'll never make it. And going a year on her own will either cement her changes or change her back.


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## weightlifter

Turn. We are allowed to disagree. I respect alot of your posts.

You would have to be as infinitely intelligent and wise as me to agree 100% (Yes that was a joke)

I say two years as he has to heal and that will take a bit. Two years to "try on" a few different women... Im betting he likes new woman over the one that chose Mr Mutant Ninja Turtles.


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## whyeme

lol yeah this UK cop is, he is a scrawny POS and looks like a right goofy tw*t. I have been doing Les Mills combat as well as kicking the sh*t at the gym so am looking a lot better not got a 6 pack but getting some nice muscle definition 

I have not excluded women with children, I would just prefer without but if I found somebody who loved me then child and all are welcome with me. 

You are right, I hate seeing her pregnant she is getting quite large already she is only short so even when she was 12 weeks pregnant with my child she looked very pregnant, now she is 4 months pregnant she looks huge, even wearing maternity trousers already! it is messing with my head but I don't know what to do because she says she will take me to court if I stop seeing her as it is the only way D10 will be near her!! stuck in a bind really and then speaking to her yesterday like she was fu*ked me up even more!!!

Problem with WW is that she doesn't have her own house, she went in to a joint tenancy with OM so she can't be on her own for a year she is stuck with him! she even told D10 that a week or so ago when she said she won't talk to her until she leaves OM, it was not no because I love him it was no because I have nowhere else to go!! i don't think the grass is so green on the other side!

I am sure I need to get out there and find somebody new, I think that is the only way my brain will get over her! it needs to learn to love again and the only way to do that is to find somebody new to give my love to.

Anybody know any good dating sites!


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## BK23

Please please do not let this woman pull you back in. For you and your daughter, you need to distance her. Go dark to the extent you can. Only discuss divorce and your daughter, period.

I can't think she has a good case for custody, after abandoning her daughter....


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## Jasel

Dude she's walking around with some other man's kid in her belly. I think FIL would understand if he could see the situation as it stands today. Stop guilt tripping yourself, it serves no purpose to you, him or anyone else.


----------



## Acabado

whyeme said:


> The biggest problem I have and that eats me up inside was that 2 years ago when her dad passed away I promised him on his deathbed that I would take care of his daughter and his grand daughter when he was gone. The amount of guilt I feel over failing to live up to this promise eats me up so much inside you could not believe, it was a promise I made to a dying main and I failed him.


You can't stop nor protect anyone from their own path of self destruction. You just can't.


----------



## Acabado

whyeme said:


> Problem with WW is that she doesn't have her own house, she went in to a *joint tenancy with OM so she can't *be on her own for a year she is stuck with him! she even told D10 that a week or so ago when she said she won't talk to her until she leaves OM, it was not no because I love him it was no because I have nowhere else to go!! i don't think the grass is so green on the other side!


It's ridiculous, she can have a joint tenancy with someone else. Kids are smart.


----------



## alte Dame

Your WW is like a hit-and-run devil. She just careens through her life right now taking everyone down in her wake. What an unholy mess!

Here are my predictions:

- You will divorce her (of course, you will) and move on with your life, having found a woman who is not so selfish and who holds your heart dear.

- Your daughter will gradually redevelop a relationship with her mother, whom she loves in spite of all this, but she will never, ever truly respect her. Sad, but probably true. (Your daughter will need IC to cope with the dissolution of her primary female role model in her life.)

- Your WW will become a sad, aging 'poor me' type of woman who begins to drink far too much and moves from man to man. Her cheating on you will come back to haunt her bigtime as the men she chooses wind up consistently cheating on her. Like attracts like & all that.

That being said, there's no time like the present to get started on a new & better life. Try to identify some community activities that you can do with your daughter that also include other single parents. The shared experience will help you & you can make some new male friends & potentially meet some available women.


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## lostinmyownworld

Getting some exhausting exercise in daily has really helped me a lot. 

Read this the "Nice Guy Syndrome"...it really helps: 
http://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

The Nice Guy book has really helped me, as well as readings on "The 180 degree rules." and not having contact.

Get yourself and D10 some regular counseling and truly absorb what is being said. You owe it to yourself.

I had to get some sleep-aides for a few weeks and actually went on an anti-depressant for about 5 months starting this new year. I never would've thought I'd do either of those things before my situation and they both really helped.

I found that not seeing her or communicating with her has really helped me too....the whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing.

Stay strong for yourself and your daughter. I am saying a prayer for you and your daughter.


----------



## whyeme

Cheers will have a look at the nice guy book!

I love the predictions in this thread, makes me see her for what she is! always find it hard to see that because for some reason I hold her with such highness because she is the mother of my child I suppose and knowing that 50% of her is in my little girl makes it hard to hate her.

Yeah she can have joint tenancy with somebody else, problem is OM is paying ALL of the rent because she does not have enough money for the rent, she pays council tax, gas and electric and that's about it because she doesn't have enough to do much more (basically scrounging off him). Her friend is looking to rent but she is nuts with blokes far worse than my W so definitely not the person I would want her to move in with as guaranteed destruction there!

All I can say is arghhhhhhh why is live so complicated!


----------



## carmen ohio

whyeme said:


> *. . . All I can say is arghhhhhhh why is live so complicated!*


whyeme, life isn't all that complicated, but our emotions are. That's why we have a rational mind -- to enable us overcome our emotions and make good decisions.

Life is a lot like a poker game. You can't control the cards you're dealt but you can choose how to play them. You've been dealt a bad hand. When that happens, you fold your cards and hope for a better hand on the next deal. You don't double down on a losing bet.

You know what is the smart play here.


----------



## whyeme

Well I as discussing this with a close friend today to get the womans perspective especially as she did similar (abusive husband though which is why she ran).

She is telling me that WW wants to come home, and is encouraging me to try R if I can!!! so this is just getting more and more confusing for me :-( 

I know what you guys are saying about her, could she really change though that is my dilemma I mean yes I love her with every fibre of my being, I am not dependent on her I have proved that I can live without her but to be honest I don't know if I want to!!

This is so difficult, I just wish there wasn't a baby involved as that would make things a bit easier!!


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## happyman64

whyeme



> This is so difficult, I just wish there wasn't a baby involved as that would make things a bit easier!!


And it will feel more difficult after the baby is born.

You need to turn your focus away from your marriage and onto you and your D.

Let your wife deal with her own issues.

Maybe she does want to come home. But that does not mean she wants to R or come back to you.

Let her feel the consequences.

Stand back and observe. When she threatens you about time with your D just ignore her or tell her "I am sorry you feel that way".

Get your head up to 50,000feet. Pull your heart out of any decisions and just observe.

Time is on your side. And your wife has 5 more months to go. Let's see what life has in store for her shall we?

HM64


----------



## bfree

whyeme said:


> Well I as discussing this with a close friend today to get the womans perspective especially as she did similar (abusive husband though which is why she ran).
> 
> She is telling me that WW wants to come home, and is encouraging me to try R if I can!!! so this is just getting more and more confusing for me :-(
> 
> I know what you guys are saying about her, could she really change though that is my dilemma I mean yes I love her with every fibre of my being, I am not dependent on her I have proved that I can live without her but to be honest I don't know if I want to!!
> 
> This is so difficult, I just wish there wasn't a baby involved as that would make things a bit easier!!


But there is and that is what you need to understand. She didn't get pregnant through apomixis. She had sex with another man and cheated on you. The baby is the product of her betrayal. She could have prevented the pregnancy but chose not to. She could have terminated the pregnancy but chose not to. Just like she could have stopped herself from cheating but chose not to. This child is going to be a walking talking embodiment of what she did to you and your daughter. There is no way to undo her actions just like (now) there is no way to undo her pregnancy. All you can do is to move on and be the best man and father you can be. She needs to follow the path she has laid out for herself and it doesn't include you.


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## BK23

You're a fool if you take her back and raise another man's child.


----------



## Acabado

whyeme said:


> Well I as discussing this with a close friend today to get the womans perspective especially as she did similar (abusive husband though which is why she ran).
> 
> She is telling me that WW wants to come home, and is encouraging me to try R if I can!!! so this is just getting more and more confusing for me :-(


Is this friend also your wife's friend? Is she in touch with her os she's just "reading her mind"?
If she's such a good friend what kind of adcvide she gave her? Why didn't she tell her to get rid of OM ASAP? Why didn't she offered a place in her house?


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Let your 'friend' shell out the $100K - $200K -$300K + it takes a raise a single child to adulthood in the USA. Is she crazy? She sure is ready to spend your money. 

Your wife created this mess for herself. Let her deal with it alone. Not your problem. Never!!!


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## tom67

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Let your 'friend' shell out the $100K - $200K -$300K + it takes a raise a single child to adulthood in the USA. Is she crazy? She sure is ready to spend your money.
> 
> Your wife created this mess for herself. Let her deal with it alone. Not your problem. Never!!!


SHE made these choices let her live with them and let om pay child support!


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## bandit.45

Don't let her weasel her way back into your life. She does not love you. You are a meal ticket to her and nothing more. Step back, take your emotions out of it and make no decisions right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

Cheers guys, yeah the pregnancy thing is weird she is adamant that she could not have children so didn't use protection, obviously my response back is that is a joke, you had sex ed you know that you should wear protection and the doctor advised you that you could have children so it is a feeble excuse and we don't know why we never had a child when we both passed all the fertility tests!!

My friend is nothing to do with W, they have never met and live 50 miles apart from each other so there is no advise going back and forth! she has listened to me about the conversation and what W was saying and knows how she felt when she did this and says that she is starting to turn around and realizes what a mess she has made!!

As you all said raising somebody elses kid is just a horrible thought as it is from a betrayal but I can't help what my heart is telling me, logic is trying to overall and is winning at the moment but if she says she wants to make a go of it I don't know which way I would go at the moment :-(


----------



## bandit.45

The heart is deceptive above all things. 

Trust your gut, not your heart. 

If you take this woman back, every friend and family member you have will disavow you. Peopl do not like to associate with suckers. Taking her back will destroy your life. 

You need to stop talking to her. Seriously. You need to stop. She knows you and knows how to manipulate you, and that is what she is doing now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dyokemm

whyeme,

Be careful and make sure before you take on the child of an OM.

My grandfather did it, but it was a huge mistake as he never really forgave my grandmother and their relationship remained bitter and resentful for the rest of their lives together.

And the dysfunction in their relationship had a negative impact on both my mother and aunt (the A child) that still rears its ugly head from time to time today when they argue.


----------



## bfree

bandit.45 said:


> The heart is deceptive above all things.
> 
> Trust your gut, not your heart.
> 
> If you take this woman back, every friend and family member you have will disavow you. Peopl do not like to associate with suckers. Taking her back will destroy your life.
> 
> You need to stop talking to her. Seriously. You need to stop. She knows you and knows how to manipulate you, and that is what she is doing now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandit,

You've been here a long time. Back in the Mori/Beowulf days I recall a thread where a guy tried to reconcile with his wife after she got pregnant during an affair. He thought he could do it, loved her so much, the child wasn't at fault, yadda yadda yadda. In the end he divorced her because he just couldn't wake up every day looking at that baby and knowing what it represented. Do you remember that thread?


----------



## whyeme

bfree said:


> Bandit,
> 
> You've been here a long time. Back in the Mori/Beowulf days I recall a thread where a guy tried to reconcile with his wife after she got pregnant during an affair. He thought he could do it, loved her so much, the child wasn't at fault, yadda yadda yadda. In the end he divorced her because he just couldn't wake up every day looking at that baby and knowing what it represented. Do you remember that thread?


I have to find that thread, I will start digging!!!! sounds like it has a lot of insight in to what I am going through and ultimately what I could go through if I try to R!


----------



## bandit.45

bfree said:


> Bandit,
> 
> You've been here a long time. Back in the Mori/Beowulf days I recall a thread where a guy tried to reconcile with his wife after she got pregnant during an affair. He thought he could do it, loved her so much, the child wasn't at fault, yadda yadda yadda. In the end he divorced her because he just couldn't wake up every day looking at that baby and knowing what it represented. Do you remember that thread?


Yes I do. I'm racking my brain trying to remember his name. 

That was a sad tale. If I recall his WW about had a mental breakdown when he told her he was divorcing her.


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> I have to find that thread, I will start digging!!!! sounds like it has a lot of insight in to what I am going through and ultimately what I could go through if I try to R!


The baby has to go Whyme. Either she gives the kid to his father or puts it up for adoption. This should be the one stipulation she needs to abide by for you to even think about R with her. 

You're dead set on R with her aren't you? Despite an army of friends here on TAM who are trying to wave you off from making the biggest mistake of your life?


----------



## bfree

bandit.45 said:


> Yes I do. I'm racking my brain trying to remember his name.
> 
> That was a sad tale. If I recall his WW about had a mental breakdown when he told her he was divorcing her.


Yup, that's right. That's the one. It was awful. It would have been better had he never tried to R. It got her hopes up and then ultimately destroyed her.


----------



## weightlifter

Wow. I need to read that one.

Recently went to another site like this one. Somemilitary dudes wife is preggers with om child!


----------



## 3putt

bandit.45 said:


> Yes I do. I'm racking my brain trying to remember his name.
> 
> That was a sad tale. If I recall his WW about had a mental breakdown when he told her he was divorcing her.


I don't even want to read a thread like that again. I have seen where it has happened that a BH raised another man's child and succeeded, but it's a gamble of astronomical odds...almost impossible odds actually.

Think about this partner. You're opening yourself up to a cruelty you can't even begin to imagine. You think you're hurting now??? Imagine trying to rebuild your marriage with a trigger of this magnitude that will haunt you for the rest of your _*life*_!

You deserve better than this.

Of course, it's your decision to make.


----------



## whyeme

bandit.45 said:


> The baby has to go Whyme. Either she gives the kid to his father or puts it up for adoption. This should be the one stipulation she needs to abide by for you to even think about R with her.
> 
> You're dead set on R with her aren't you? Despite an army of friends here on TAM who are trying to wave you off from making the biggest mistake of your life?


Hi Bandit,

No I am nowhere near dead set on R with her!! the more I think about it the more I think no this is stupid, clinging on to a person from the past who was supposed to love and protect me but instead lied and hurt me and my little girl more than anybody ever has and probably could its such a hard thing to get over. 

I think the issue is that the wall that she held up in front of me for the last few months came down the other day, I saw her for the scared almost child like little girl she is deep down and wanted to somehow help her. Unfortunately I have a good nature and hate to see anybody suffering (OM probably the one exception to this rule I have held most of my life, if I see him he is likely to end up in a coffin), for the first time in months she told me the truth, it was amazing as so many things clicked in to place it was like somebody handing me a bag of missing puzzle pieces things I always suspected came out and I almost felt like some closure was had. 

The other thing I hate is seeing my little girl hating her mother so much and I think could this be a way of fixing that as well, the thing is she is so dead set against me going back to W as she says her mums a selfish cheat and will just do it again (sounds like she has been reading TAM).

I am being stupid, I know I am and everybody kicking me in the head and back to reality is working!


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## Jasel

*Re: Re: Is there any point?*

Bandit are u thinking of Badblood?

Nm that must have been someone else.


----------



## whyeme

I found moogvo is that it? sounded a bit like my predicament but there is a lot of posts over TAM for pregnancy and affair but they were not similar!!

Anyways, I am going to cinema with W this afternoon with D10 yeah I know weird but she still wants us to do family stuff together but here is the better news...

I am going to church tomorrow for the first time with a little cutie I fancied the rear end off in high school (who is also going to church for the first time)  actually looking forward to it and will invite out for a Coffee me thinks afterwards so we can have a laugh together. I am hoping the church bit will help to focus my mind and the company of a gorgeous girl will hopefully boost my self esteem a bit!!


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## azteca1986

D10 is wise beyond her years.



whyeme said:


> The other thing I hate is seeing my little girl hating her mother so much and *I think could this be a way of fixing that as well*, the thing is she is so dead set against me going back to W as she says her mums a selfish cheat and will just do it again (sounds like she has been reading TAM).


On the contrary you run the risk of wrecking your own relationship with your daughter.


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## bfree

azteca1986 said:


> D10 is wise beyond her years.
> 
> On the contrary you run the risk of wrecking your own relationship with your daughter.


Agreed. Whyme, your daughter and her mother will have to repair their relationship in a natural course. If you try to force things you run the risk of making it worse.


----------



## bfree

whyeme said:


> I found moogvo is that it? sounded a bit like my predicament but there is a lot of posts over TAM for pregnancy and affair but they were not similar!!
> 
> Anyways, I am going to cinema with W this afternoon with D10 yeah I know weird but she still wants us to do family stuff together but here is the better news...
> 
> I am going to church tomorrow for the first time with a little cutie I fancied the rear end off in high school (who is also going to church for the first time)  actually looking forward to it and will invite out for a Coffee me thinks afterwards so we can have a laugh together. I am hoping the church bit will help to focus my mind and the company of a gorgeous girl will hopefully boost my self esteem a bit!!


I honestly can't remember the poster but I remembered the story. It was so sad for all of them.

Good luck on your "date" with your daughter. Make it a fun experience for her. She has to be hurting at least as much as you. And enjoy church on Sunday. Getting out there and meeting people is a great way to reinvigorate your life.


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## whyeme

Well time with W was a bit of a disaster, D10 was just acting up constantly and W sat quite upset most of the time, it made me actually think that yeah I am making the right decision to carry on and just forget her. No matter what I did to try and make the time fun she either moaned or was cold as ice so yeah, kind of helped me with moving on at least!! god knows what the other day was about but at least I got some of the answers I needed answering so lets take that as a positive and carry on going forward.

Really really looking forward to tomorrow its not really a date as such "officially" but she already invited me back next Sunday so that is a good start to getting to know her better again (we have a few years to catch up on). Church not exactly the place to go on the pull but it looks fun as it is a pentecostal church not a traditional style church.

Hopefully a good day out tomorrow, she has a D who is 6 years old so hopefully D10 and her will at least have a bit of fun together as well (see I am not against potentially dating a girl with a child) and even if we don't get anything out of it from a dating point of view hopefully she can be a friend to go out with and have fun at the minimum!!


----------



## MattMatt

whyeme said:


> Hi Bandit,
> 
> No I am nowhere near dead set on R with her!! the more I think about it the more I think no this is stupid, clinging on to a person from the past who was supposed to love and protect me but instead lied and hurt me and my little girl more than anybody ever has and probably could its such a hard thing to get over.
> 
> I think the issue is that the wall that she held up in front of me for the last few months came down the other day, I saw her for the scared almost child like little girl she is deep down and wanted to somehow help her. Unfortunately I have a good nature and hate to see anybody suffering (OM probably the one exception to this rule I have held most of my life, if I see him he is likely to end up in a coffin), for the first time in months she told me the truth, it was amazing as so many things clicked in to place it was like somebody handing me a bag of missing puzzle pieces things I always suspected came out and I almost felt like some closure was had.
> 
> The other thing I hate is seeing my little girl hating her mother so much and I think could this be a way of fixing that as well, the thing is she is so dead set against me going back to W as she says her mums a selfish cheat and will just do it again (sounds like she has been reading TAM).
> 
> I am being stupid, I know I am and everybody kicking me in the head and back to reality is working!


So... reconciling with your wife might hurt your relationship with your daughter? That's not good.


----------



## whyeme

No to be honest after this afternoon, W was the way she was when we were together grumpy and the works just like she always was and nothing I did was ever right so the same again. Made me remember what it was like to do something with her and why I became depressed and subdued around her!!!

Think R will be out of the question now, it was weird it was like seeing the person again and what made me the way I became because of her, I am NEVER going back to being that person I became again so she is not the person for me or my little girl if she has not changed!!!

Onwards and upwards to tomorrow


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## TDSC60

If you ever have any doubts that R will not work, remember this - Your daughter hates her Mom for what she has done (she may eventually be civil with her, but that time is years away). There is no way that your daughter is going to accept her half sibling. She will always see it as a reminder of how her world was shattered. She will blame this child for all of her pain and she will hate the very sight or thought of it.


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## bfree

TDSC60 said:


> If you ever have any doubts that R will not work, remember this - Your daughter hates her Mom for what she has done (she may eventually be civil with her, but that time is years away). There is no way that your daughter is going to accept her half sibling. She will always see it as a reminder of how her world was shattered. She will blame this child for all of her pain and she will hate the very sight or thought of it.


As sad as that is I think you're correct.


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## MattMatt

TDSC60 said:


> If you ever have any doubts that R will not work, remember this - Your daughter hates her Mom for what she has done (she may eventually be civil with her, but that time is years away). There is no way that your daughter is going to accept her half sibling. She will always see it as a reminder of how her world was shattered. She will blame this child for all of her pain and she will hate the very sight or thought of it.


:iagree:


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> No to be honest after this afternoon, W was the way she was when we were together grumpy and the works just like she always was and nothing I did was ever right so the same again. Made me remember what it was like to do something with her and why I became depressed and subdued around her!!!
> 
> Think R will be out of the question now, it was weird it was like seeing the person again and what made me the way I became because of her, I am NEVER going back to being that person I became again so she is not the person for me or my little girl if she has not changed!!!
> 
> Onwards and upwards to tomorrow


It is called perspective. Good old objective perspective. 

You lived with her mean azz for so long that you became anesthetized to it. Now that you have distanced yourself emotionally you are seeing her in all her rotten glory. You have taken off the love goggles, and that is a good thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

Tell me about it!! I think I needed that yesterday to kick me back to where I am again now, I discussed it with my mum last night and described how she was and the first thing she said was... Yes that is how she always was with you, we all saw her pushing you down but nobody could get you to see it.

At least it is not just me thinking that other people noticed it, since she split several of my family have come forward and said they worried about me and saw how depressed I got over the last year before she left especially at Christmas which is when a lot of people I don't see regularly saw me, they all saw her treating me like dirt and that I looked damn right down.

Maybe this is onwards to a better future now, looks like you guys were all correct at least and I am glad I kept the faith despite the horrible day yesterday!

Onwards to the future and my visit out with my cute old high school friend today, hoping at worst I get to reconnect to some old high school friends and start rebuilding my local friends network with her or at best we reconnect like we were in high school which I would love to see happen


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## whyeme

Well I am back, got to say really really enjoyed going to a Pentecostal church!! ironically the sermon was all about the importance of family and how children learn everything from their parents and how we are their role models etc... It was like somebody up there drew me there today to bestow me with that wisdom. Got to admit had me teared up several times to be honest especially over the destruction over my family but it just made me think, D10 is better without her corrupting influence in her life and that I and whoever I find new will make sure her life is amazing!!

Meeting up with my old High School crush was great fun as well, didn't get to talk much as I wanted as we were all running a bit late but next weekend is the church BBQ so hopefully now we are both going regularly we can start to get to know each other a lot better! worst part over meeting up with her again, onwards to the next part! Having something like church to help guide my path will also help a lot.

Definitely on the way up now, not going to be stopped by anybody especially stbxw hope she sits and rots in her little house of sin with POSOM whilst our lives just get better!!


----------



## bandit.45

You got slain in the Spirit. Good ole Holy Rollers, you gotta love them. 

I didn't know the had Pentecostals in England. Hmm. New one on me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Next thing you know you'll be speaking in tongues. 

If you get the strange urge to start cooking casseroles, don't panic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## turnera

Don't make your daughter grow up wearing only denim skirts and wearing long hair. Don't do that to her.


----------



## whyeme

Lol my daughter has always had long hair she looks beautiful with it! and she wouldn't be caught dead in a denim skirt lol she is quite stylish!! oh and my casserole is her favourite dinner :-/

It is something to do, it was nice hearing about the family values stuff as they are always how I was bought up and seeing how my wife, her family and friends have been taking the p*ss out of my family values and saying it is not like that nowadays, it was nice to see that other people thought the same as how I had been bought up (no my parents are not christian nutters they are just good people who instilled family being the most important thing in the world and should always be protected).

I don't think they will convert me and my daughter to full on hardcore Christians but it was good to be around people and was definitely uplifting which is what I need at the moment, I need to be lifted back up as I am hovering back over the depression threshold and want to avoid heading back in!!


----------



## Decorum

Whyeme,
I am a Christian, an I value my spirituality more than anything, it gives me perspective and hope.

My background was very conservative, its not quite so anymore but my faith is strong.

I admire your willingness to explore faith and support you daughter in hers,

I have 4 children (18-25) all healthy adults who are also Christian by faith, but do not fit a particular mold.

Its the genuine faith relation not the denomination!

So cheers! Good for you.
Take care!


----------



## weightlifter

Whyeme? What pieces of the puzzle did she hand you a few days ago?


----------



## whyeme

Hi Decorum,

Thanks for the kind words, yes I feel like I need something to fill the void in my life at the moment and restore some of my belief in humanity as it has been severely smashed up and being a non practicing Christian I though this might help me!! 

Weightlifter, she just answered some of the questions I had but where I knew she had been lying to me she actually told me the truth! I had the answers already for a few things I asked her but hearing them come out of her mouth felt somewhat refreshing! It was also nice to see something that resembled remorse as well!!

Feeling like **** again tonight as had to see her again, feels like every time I see or speak to her that I go down hill again massively. Feeling soooo depressed again, spoke to her tonight as she was around again and said look I cannot see you anymore, arranged some dates with her to see D10 and then said to call D10 direct instead of through me!! hopefully not speaking to her for a few weeks will clear my head out and make me feel a bit better but feeling fairly suicidal tonight!!


----------



## weightlifter

Dude seriously. She is preggers with another mans kid. That must be having a far bigger impact than a just "meeting my cheating stbxw" meeting.

Definitely DONT see her. I would venture the damage is easily double a mere phone call due to that pregnancy.

Just know the TAM Army is behind you sir!


----------



## Decorum

I thought about suggesting that she call D10 to do just that , good idea.

Take care!


----------



## turnera

Call your doctor.


----------



## azteca1986

whyeme said:


> Meeting up with my old High School crush was great fun as well, didn't get to talk much as I wanted as we were all running a bit late but next weekend is the church BBQ so hopefully now we are both going regularly we can start to get to know each other a lot better!


Ahem.

Hang in there whyeme, today is a minor speed bump on the way to someplace better.


----------



## whyeme

I am hoping it is a minor speed bump, was feeling so positive but then all of a sudden I am feeling soooo depressed again, I am sure I will be fine once I get to work with friends as they normally get me out of these slumps and back on the highway!

I think I am going to have a good clean up this weekend of the house, all of her remaining **** can go, when I get paid I am going to start redecorating the house to make it look different than when she lived here as I have got a nice lot of overtime this month!

Maybe doing the house up will help take my mind off it all as well!!


----------



## LostViking

whyeme said:


> I am hoping it is a minor speed bump, was feeling so positive but then all of a sudden I am feeling soooo depressed again, I am sure I will be fine once I get to work with friends as they normally get me out of these slumps and back on the highway!
> 
> I think I am going to have a good clean up this weekend of the house, all of her remaining **** can go, when I get paid I am going to start redecorating the house to make it look different than when she lived here as I have got a nice lot of overtime this month!
> 
> Maybe doing the house up will help take my mind off it all as well!!


What you are going through is normal. You are processing the pain. Don't fight it. 

Good idea on redecorating the house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

I never imagined the pain would be like this, just wish it would go away!! I can't understand how stbxw has no pain it just baffles me how the person left behind hurts so much and they are all happy and wonderful and don't feel anything it is just so infuriating! I also find it strange that now 5 months after Dday I am still unable to move on emotionally to somebody else but she was able to do it so quickly, how the hell does that work!

Also love how stbxw blames me for her daughter hating her, it is not her actions it is all mine apparently!! women I don't think we will ever figure them out!

Can't wait to get rid of all her s**t, its actually going to be a bit fun! 

I don't know if this is normal but I keep having a horrible thought going through my head! I keep hoping that she dies during child birth (she nearly did with our little girl because she really shouldn't be pregnant due to her various illnesses), I don't know why because I would never wish that on anybody and it would screw my little girl up even more but I just keeping thinking my life would be simpler if she were physically gone! it is like seeing a walking zombie every time I see her which makes the pain 100x worse especially when she is so happy and care free all the time and I am left a single dad living in a life that feels so empty except for my little girl and struggling to move forward! 

Arghhhh!


----------



## turnera

Have you called your doctor yet?


----------



## theroad

tom67 said:


> It's just me but I would not raise someone elses kid. Well she is learning (too late) that it's not always greener on the other side.





whowouldhavethought said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:​





Nucking Futs said:


> Wrong! It's not just you.





Iver said:


> I also would not be willing to raise the OM's child - or put up with any kind of joint custody arrangement she may have with the OM down the road. There's just no way.
> 
> That child would be a constant reminder of her cheating. There's no way I'd be able to stand that for 18 years. Not blaming the child in any way but that's just how I'd take it.
> 
> Abortion or Adoption or hit the highway would be my message to her.
> 
> The fact is this fling she's in will end - sooner or later, even if she marries him, it's going to end. My guess is she knows it as well.
> 
> I'd tell her if she has any desire for a any kind of civil relationship with you and the daughter she needs to boot the OM out; end the pregnancy and apologize to your families, to you and the daughter.



I would not want to raise the OM's spawn.

Though I would never tell a WW that she has to murder her unborn child. It is one thing to kill a marriage. Another to take a life because that person living is to be found unpleasant.


----------



## theroad

LostViking said:


> It is all about her. Until it is about you, until she really starts to empathse with the pain and devastation she caused you, until she can put herself in your shoes and absorb the horror and devastation she wrought in your life, and starts showing some real, honest, empathy, everything she tells you is pablum to be spit out of your mouth.
> 
> And I agree with everyone else: no way should you raise another man's child. You do everything you can to make sure your name stays off that birth certificate. She either has the child and gives it up to the OM, puts the child up for adoption or terminates the pregnancy. Anthing less, then she is not welcome back nor will you even consider R with her.
> 
> It sounds like she and the OM had a fight, and you being her soft landing pad, are there for her to run to and moan to about her problems. She still thinks you are her friend and confidant.
> 
> Tell her you are not her friend. If she wants absolution for what she has done, tell her to go see a vicar.
> 
> In a day or so she and the OM will make up and you will be a nobody to her again. Don't let her trap you with niceities. She's a scorpion.


True WW will patch up things with OM then forget that little talk she just had with you.


----------



## theroad

whyeme said:


> I found moogvo is that it? sounded a bit like my predicament but there is a lot of posts over TAM for pregnancy and affair but they were not similar!!
> 
> Anyways, I am going to cinema with W this afternoon with D10 yeah I know weird but she still wants us to do family stuff together but here is the better news...
> 
> I am going to church tomorrow for the first time with a little cutie I fancied the rear end off in high school (who is also going to church for the first time)  actually looking forward to it and will invite out for a Coffee me thinks afterwards so we can have a laugh together. I am hoping the church bit will help to focus my mind and the company of a gorgeous girl will hopefully boost my self esteem a bit!!



Time to see the cuties is after the divorce not before. There is no need to lose the moral high ground. You also teach by example. You will be teaching DD just as WW has that it is ok for married people to go on dates.


----------



## weightlifter

whyeme said:


> Maybe doing the house up will help take my mind off it all as well!!


That is what my aunt did when my uncle died. 3 years on and a kickazz house later she told me. "It was hella cheaper than a shrink and I have this cool house to show for it"

Any ETA to final D?


----------



## Decorum

whyeme said:


> I it is like seeing a walking zombie every time I see her which makes the pain 100x worse especially when she is so happy and care free all the time and I am left a single dad living in a life that feels so empty except for my little girl and struggling to move forward!
> 
> Arghhhh!


I know it's hard to believe, and it sounds cliché, but when a person carries a lot of guilt, even when they compartmentalize it, and/or blame shift, they reduce their capacity to enjoy things that really matter, this reduces their happiness, the very thing they are seeking after.

The brain chemicals (affair crack) will keep them going for a while, along with the drama, and fun and excitement.

But there is a high cost!

This makes pushing your little girl on a swing with your husband at a local park seem boring. Why do you think your daughter dropped in priority to her?

She may be living the "Facebook" life but she is storing up a load of depression from missing the things that count.

When you see her "all happy" with her new life you should feel pity, not envy.

Regardless of who she ends up with unless she stays drunk or high till she dies she will look back on this as the biggest mistake of her life, she is running from that now, and that's what you are seeing.

Don't believe the lie that she has found her soul mate, she has simply lost her soul.

"Its the sudden stop at the bottom that really hurts"!

Take care!


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

whyeme said:


> I can't understand how stbxw has no pain it just baffles me how the person left behind hurts so much and they are all happy and wonderful and don't feel anything it is just so infuriating!


 Tell you what....



> Also love how stbxw blames me for her daughter hating her, it is not her actions it is all mine apparently!! women I don't think we will ever figure them out!


 She must be good at hiding it because accusing you of the above, when it is obvious to anyone with a brain it is her fault, means she is in terrible pain.


----------



## whyeme

Cheers guys, can always rely on you to at least cheer me up 

Yeah not seeing or speaking to stbxw will hopefully sort me out, I don't get what happened everything was so positive and then I have come down massively the last couple of days.

She does seem genuinely so happy with what she has done though, I hope you guys are right and she does eventually get hit by the Karma bus as it is infuriating seeing her being rewarded and seeming to get everything whilst I am left with all of these broken pieces of my life that I got no choice over!

I think I have either overdone it on my fitness regime (8 weeks 1 hour a day of mega intensive cardio and training with little to no break in it) or have a bug as I have been zapped of all my energy since Sunday night and feel like cr*p with a banging headache! taking a few days off from my regime and just trying to chill out a bit to see if that helps also trying to get a couple of days off work to relieve that stress but doubt I can.

And to answer from above, no I don't think I could raise OM child it is just wrong and every time I would see OM I would have to try and refrain myself from kicking the sh!t out of him! I also will never condone murder of that innocent life as it is not that childs fault it is being born to 2 pieces of scum I actually pity it! just wish stbxw would just give up on my little girl and leave us both alone to live our lives but don't think that is going to happen anytime soon unfortunately.


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## LostViking

You are not drinking enough fluids. That is why you are getting headaches. Hydrate hydrate hydrate. 

If D10 keeps holding her mom's feet to the fire you won't have to worry about getting the WW to leave you alone. She will hit an impasse with her daughter and the problem will take care of itself. It is still tragic to see such a young kid developing bitterness at a parent at such a young age. Your WW's karma will be having a daughter who despises her and has no respect for her. I could not imagine a worse fate for a parent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

Hi Lostviking,

You know, I originally didn't want to see D10 and stbxw like this and it broke my heart to see it but you know what now I think f**k it the selfish b!tch deserves everything she gets now. Why should I care it is not my problem, she can blame me all she wants but what she has done to our little girl is her doing and not mine!

From this morning the b!tch is dead to me, she doesn't exist end of story I will speak to her in a month for D10 birthday for the sake of D10 but that is the end. I am having nothing to do with her whilst she is with OM at a minimum, maybe forever we will see but for now end of story!

I thought hydration but I have drunk water until it is coming out of my ears the last couple of days and its not getting better so think I have just come down with a bug or my body just needs some recovery time. Going to give myself a bit of time off and see how I get on!


----------



## Iver

_(8 weeks 1 hour a day of mega intensive cardio and training with little to no break in it)_

It really sounds like you are over training. Try taking Sundays and Wednesdays off for starters. Mix in a some Yoga or a walk instead and see how you feel.

Also,

Posters have recommended you see a doctor for your bouts of depression...well? 

Remember, they are there for a reason.


----------



## whyeme

Yeah thats what I thought Iver, was just enjoying it as it felt great but think I have just done too much!! last night I just practiced martial arts techniques with no intensity, worked a small amount of sweat up but it was more stretching so think that was OK.

My depression is because she keeps making me see her where I then get to hear how great her life is, I can't get time off work to see a doctor at the moment project deadlines and the fact that I messed work round a lot due to all this mess so can't let them down!! I am going to see how I get on over the next few days as when I don't hear from her for a few days my depression dissipates and I start feeling great until she hits me with something!

She is gone, dead she has prearranged meeting times now for D10, I am not speaking to her anymore at night so she can try and say goodnight to D10 who will most likely ignore her mobile phone but that is a problem between them which she can discuss with her when she takes her out for her visitation, I have arranged to not be around when she picks up D10 so I think I will be fine. Time to move on, she is holding me back with these visits and harassment so fingers crossed all will be sorted now.

I feel down but not in a dangerous way, I would not harm myself as D10 needs me I am everything to her, I would also not do anything stupid like kick the sh!t out of OM as I cannot risk anything to stop me having custody of my little girl as stbxw would win the battle then wouldn't she.

Onwards and upwards!!


----------



## LostViking

Her life is not great Whyme. She tells you, your daughter and everyone she knows that her life is great, hoping that if she tells that lie long enough everyone including herself will begin to believe it. It's an Adolph Aickman trick. 

Here is the truth: 

She abandoned her husband and daughter. 

She forsook her marital vows and had an affair. 

She allowed herself to be empregnated by another man. 

She has destroyed her family all for her own selfish desires. 

She has alienated many if not most of her friends and put her parents and family in turmoil. 

She is looking at a future that is questionable at best, and has placed her faith in an OM who is a cheat and home wrecker. 

Next time she braggs about how great her life is, remind her of these things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

If she says her life is great, just say I am happy for you and fall silent. She must be strong for the new child for whom there is no father, at least within some stable relationship. Keep moving on. Some day you may strong enough to babysit OM's child for an hour and find it enjoyable because you will be indifferent to her.

The pregnancy was no accident. She had a desire conscious or not to have a baby
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

Hi LongWalk,

She is obsessed with babies, we could never get a 2nd for some reason she just miscarried at less than 10 weeks or less! would love to know how she can miscarry my kid again in March and then have what is looking to be a perfectly healthy child with this piece of scum in May! maybe somebody up there wanted me to lose this narcissistic mess of a wife that is why I was not blessed with another child with her!

It is annoying because she said 2 years ago that if I did not get her pregnant by the time she was 30 she would leave and less than a month after she turns 31 bam she is shagging somebody else!! 

She is scum, dead to me end of story want nothing more to do with her and OM they can rot in the mess they are creating!! hopefully the Karma bus will come along and hit them both head on!


----------



## user_zero

whyeme said:


> Hi LongWalk,
> 
> She is obsessed with babies, we could never get a 2nd for some reason she just miscarried at less than 10 weeks or less! would love to know how she can miscarry my kid again in March and then have what is looking to be a perfectly healthy child with this piece of scum in May! maybe somebody up there wanted me to lose this narcissistic mess of a wife that is why I was not blessed with another child with her!
> 
> *It is annoying because she said 2 years ago that if I did not get her pregnant by the time she was 30 she would leave and less than a month after she turns 31 bam she is shagging somebody else!!
> *
> She is scum, dead to me end of story want nothing more to do with her and OM they can rot in the mess they are creating!! hopefully the Karma bus will come along and hit them both head on!


wow! her behavior is very immature for a 31 years woman. she needs serious help. I know her type. there is not gonna be a long time before she is going to feel bored again. what she's missing is in herself. nobody can help her until she got the courage to look within.

focus on yourself. focus on your daughter. you have a great life before you.


----------



## ing

Caught up with your thread again. This is so like my experience I think that I should chime in. 

For me this all happened 2.5 years ago and all the things that people here said would happen have happened. 

My daughter will not speak to her Mother. Not because she is angry anymore, but because her Mother breaks down in tears at the horrible thing she did every time she sees her. She does not want to be around that. Still demanding forgiveness and respect. 
It tears me up when my daughter comes home and despite trying so hard to have a relationship with her Mother. She feels defeated. It takes days for her to recover.

The affair with a married man went on for just over 2 years [ tick for that statistic] before the real world,where people do have values, just crashed in on them. Maintaining the lies was like holding back the tide. It just took time before they could no longer pretend that it was alright.

The church thing is quiet funny because even though I am not religious and don't believe in god I ended up walking into a United Church [brought up that way] early after Dday and just sitting there . 

I always describe, to other people, the Uniting Church as "The religion you have when your not having a religion" 
True to form, someone sat down next to me and started giving me the history of the church, then [of course] offered me a cup of tea and a biscuit. I must have looked bad because there was so much sugar in the tea that you could have stood a spoon in those special green cups which seem to only be available to churches.

The biscuit of course just confirmed the magnitude of my distress.

As anyone in the UK knows sugar in tea is not optional in times of crisis.

Nucear weapons launched? Better have two sugars for that one!

I met someone from an online dating site very early on. 
We are still together and laugh at ourselves because we look exactly like a couple who met online. Unlikely is the best description 

It has been a bit hard because I periodically decide that I am incapable of love. That I have to retreat to my cave, and that I am lying to her about everything. [read NMMNG] 

We generally have a cup of tea, and then the most amazing "grown up only time" which is rather good for how you feel. This resets my feelings to reality again. I am getting better at spotting the times when it will happen and skip those feelings altogether.

I suppose I am writing this down because it shows something which you will find hard to believe at the moment. 

The pain will pass and it will all be a memory.


----------



## LongWalk

Ing's post gives good perspective. Repairing the mother daughter relationship is important for your daughter. As long as the wayward spouse is not a threat (drugs, violence, etc), then the relationship should be salvaged if possible. Otherwise, our daughter will drag the baggage around and it will be an obstacle to healthy relationships.

It may take some time.

Your wife obeyed biological imperative. That is fine for her DNA and his DNA but not fine for you. You instinctively recoil at the idea of raising his kid. You are listening to the biological alarm signal. Gut feelings are important.

Your daughter will have a half sister. That is a relationship that may be important to her some day.


----------



## whyeme

Longwalk,

I tried to fix this relationship between stbxw and D10, every time it started to improve stbxw would do something else to her to make her hate her more. I am stepping back from it, all I do is get accused of being the reason she hates her mum so what is the point all it does it hurt me and D10 more!

I am retreating back and saving me, by saving me I am helping D10 as I can bring more stability to her life which is what she needs whilst her Mum is off in lala land with the pixies spreading her legs to anybody to get a kid.

I don't agree with the biological stuff, we are human beings not animals and know the difference between right and wrong. What she has done is a disgrace she was only just 31 that is hardly ancient, I know in her high school you were an outcast if you hadn't had a kid by age 14 but she is acting like an idiot. D10 has no respect for her, how can she? what child would agree with what stbxw has done.

I am not sure she will have a relationship with her step sister because as it stands she is rarely going to see her which is a shame but then what stbxw did is the reason for that. Liars and cheats are scum plain and simple, D10 has strong morals because we bought her up that way and stbxw known that! When you hear what D10 thinks of her Mum because of her actions towards her it is hardly surprising she doesn't want to talk to her.

ING thank you for your input, it is great to see that you survived a similar kicking as I have had and are doing so well. So did you ex W have a child as well I presume? if so how has your D coped with a half sibling out of this mess?


----------



## manfromlamancha

whyeme said:


> Hi LongWalk,
> 
> She is obsessed with babies, we could never get a 2nd for some reason she just miscarried at less than 10 weeks or less! would love to know how she can miscarry my kid again in March and then have what is looking to be a perfectly healthy child with this piece of scum in May! maybe somebody up there wanted me to lose this narcissistic mess of a wife that is why I was not blessed with another child with her!
> 
> It is annoying because she said 2 years ago that if I did not get her pregnant by the time she was 30 she would leave and less than a month after she turns 31 bam she is shagging somebody else!!
> 
> She is scum, dead to me end of story want nothing more to do with her and OM they can rot in the mess they are creating!! hopefully the Karma bus will come along and hit them both head on!


I somehow this goes deeper than just wanting a baby. She has a 10 year old daughter with you and in all this time she never pulled this stunt ? And the speed with which all this unfolded ? 2 months and she has thrown away a marriage, abandoned a daughter, moved straight in with OM, subsequently getting pregnant and engaged. While she may be hooked on becoming pregnant 10 years after her first, there is something else going on in her head and you may not have all the truth. She is definitely messed up in her thinking as others have pointed out but also very dissatisfied with herself (self worth ? marital issues ? who knows).


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Is there any point?*



manfromlamancha said:


> I somehow this goes deeper than just wanting a baby. She has a 10 year old daughter with you and in all this time she never pulled this stunt ? And the speed with which all this unfolded ? 2 months and she has thrown away a marriage, abandoned a daughter, moved straight in with OM, subsequently getting pregnant and engaged. While she may be hooked on becoming pregnant 10 years after her first, there is something else going on in her head and you may not have all the truth. She is definitely messed up in her thinking as others have pointed out but also very dissatisfied with herself (self worth ? marital issues ? who knows).


Maybe as her daughter began to grow up and need her less and less she saw her role as mother becoming less significant. I've seen it many times before that women throw their entire self identity into one role and when that role ends they no longer know who they are. Maybe that is why she was so desperate to have another child. If that is the case then this would have happened at some point regardless because someday the children do all grow up. It's probably better that it happens now when he is young than later when he just wants to settle down in life and enjoy.


----------



## LongWalk

I am divorced and both my daughters are my own. However, on my mother's side there were... let's see. My maternal grandmother had her first daughter out of wedlock. Two of my aunts had children out of wedlock. All of these children became part of the bigger family. I suppose there was a matriarchy in action.

To be sure saving yourself is number one. You need to be in good enough shape to take care of your daughter. Your wife will not have the baby for some time, so her mind is going seek equilbrium to survive. Biology is key to understanding. It doesn't mean morals and ethics are unimportant, just that there can be no understanding if we don't consider motivation, even if that just means surrender to urges.


----------



## manfromlamancha

bfree said:


> Maybe as her daughter began to grow up and need her less and less she saw her role as mother becoming less significant. I've seen it many times before that women throw their entire self identity into one role and when that role ends they no longer know who they are. Maybe that is why she was so desperate to have another child. If that is the case then this would have happened at some point regardless because someday the children do all grow up. It's probably better that it happens now when he is young than later when he just wants to settle down in life and enjoy.


Very good point, bfree and I agree better this happened now then further on down the line. If this is the case, then she never settled into the role of wife and only focussed on the mother role - else she, like most mothers would have been glad to watch her daughter grow while having a married relationship with her husband.


----------



## manfromlamancha

Also this means that OM is going to have to face this at some point further down the line.


----------



## ing

oh sorry. No, there was no other child of the OM. The thing that is similar is the way your wife is behaving towards you and your kid. 

Remember that it was her choice to have sex with this guy and her choice to not use protection to prevent this. I can't even begin to imagine how you would ever live with that. It would just eat you away as the child grew. 
Do not engage her at the moment. 
There is simply too much pain and betrayal not of only of you, but of your child' s future and security. 

My point about the relationship between your daughter and her Mother is something that you can not and should not try and control it no matter how badly she fcuks it up
It means you have to see the hurt in your kids eyes and not call her Mother up and abuse her. It means you have to be there for her because her Mother just told her that her happiness and "needs" were more important than her own daughter. 

I can not stress the importance of being reliable and consistent with your kid. 
Forget the wife. She is no longer a priority.


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## whyeme

She was obsessed with my daughter, she has a strange type of love she can only love one person and that became my daughter for all of these years and I was always second best. It is strange because I have 2 types of love, the love between me and my daughter which is amazing and I can't explain it and the love I had between me and her which was different again but I was able to love them both as you should, father and daughter and husband and wife she just couldn't do that and OM will no doubt have that problem.

stbxw could only love my daughter, slowly pushing me further and further out to the point where I was just becoming nothing and she could not see what my problem was and why it made me depressed. An example of this is if me and stbxw were having a conversation D10 would interrupt us and stbxw would just drop me and do whatever it is she said or wanted, if I said anything then I would get shouted at! another example is when I said you are destroying our family after Dday she said "our family is me and D10 and has been for 10 years", I pointed out the correction that we are all the family in my and D10's eyes a family is the 3 of us.

I have had several phone arguments with stbxw since she left because it has upset me several times seeing my daughter so hurt and upset and some of the things D10 has said about stbxw! I am not doing this anymore though, end of story I will not be speaking to her again (except if arrangements have to be changed and that will be done via text) I am not going to try to patch anything up between D10 and stbxw that is for them to do during her visitation time.


----------



## bfree

whyeme said:


> She was obsessed with my daughter, she has a strange type of love she can only love one person and that became my daughter for all of these years and I was always second best. It is strange because I have 2 types of love, the love between me and my daughter which is amazing and I can't explain it and the love I had between me and her which was different again but I was able to love them both as you should, father and daughter and husband and wife.
> 
> stbxw could only love my daughter, slowly pushing me further and further out to the point where I was just becoming nothing and she could not see what my problem was and why it made me depressed. An example of this is if me and stbxw were having a conversation D10 would interrupt us and stbxw would just drop me and do whatever it is she said or wanted, if I said anything then I would get shouted at! another example is when I said you are destroying our family after Dday she said "our family is me and D10 and has been for 10 years", I pointed out the correction that we are all the family in my and D10's eyes a family is the 3 of us.
> 
> I have had several phone arguments with stbxw since she left because it has upset me several times seeing my daughter so hurt and upset and some of the things D10 has said about stbxw! I am not doing this anymore though, end of story I will not be speaking to her again (except if arrangements have to be changed and that will be done via text) I am not going to try to patch anything up between D10 and stbxw.


I think its good for you to detach. While eventually it would be good if your daughter and her mother patched things up you need to ensure that your relationship with your daughter stays strong. You need to provide her with a stable home environment and quite frankly if you're constantly dealing with your ex's craziness you won't be able to be the best father you can be. So good decision. :smthumbup:


----------



## turnera

Lots of women do that. 

And you don't have to be in a hurry to help them patch things up. Let your daughter grieve over what she's lost. Plenty of time later.


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## LostViking

Whyme if you have the custody issue tied up and have arranged for a third party to do the child transfers, then send your STBXW a text with your solicitor' phone number. Tell her you will no longer be communicating directly and if she has any information to convey to you regarding the D, she is to go through the solicitor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders

Whyeme, take inventory of the great things in your life. You're (I believe if you're around the same age as STBXW) in your early 30s. You can easily get a much better woman! You already have a smart, moral 10 year old daughter with whom you have a great relationship. From the sounds of it, when you saw her you realized that you weren't even too enamored of your STBXW before the affair. The world is your oyster now brother!


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## whyeme

Hi Guys,

On Saturday I saw my old wife for what she was, what I didn't see when I was married to her. She was grumpy, controlling and being a general b*tch and when I sat back and thought about it this is exactly what she was like when I was with her and out on a trip or holiday with her. It gave me perspective and made me sit back and think, s*it all my friends and family are right she was like that I just didn't see it (pedestal syndrome).

You guys are correct about my age I am 31 as well to be more exact my wife is about 30hours older than me as she was born the day before me! Birthdays were always a nightmare, you do something wrong on her birthday and you will pay on yours!! all good fun.


----------



## weightlifter

whyeme said:


> Hi Guys,
> 
> On Saturday I saw my old wife for what she was, what I didn't see when I was married to her. She was grumpy, controlling and being a general b*tch and when I sat back and thought about it this is exactly what she was like when I was with her and out on a trip or holiday with her. It gave me perspective and made me sit back and think, s*it all my friends and family are right she was like that I just didn't see it (pedestal syndrome).
> 
> You guys are correct about my age I am 31 as well to be more exact my wife is about 30hours older than me as she was born the day before me! Birthdays were always a nightmare, you do something wrong on her birthday and you will pay on yours!! all good fun.


LOL You Brits have a funny idea of fun.

Have some good British Friends. We exchange small jabs all the time:
Them: America, Our overgrown overloud step child!
Us: Britain, Our largest most scenic but rather immobile aircraft carrier!
Awesome people.
Now THATS all in good fun.


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> She was obsessed with my daughter, *she has a strange type of love she can only love one person *and that became my daughter for all of these years and I was always second best. It is strange because I have 2 types of love, the love between me and my daughter which is amazing and I can't explain it and the love I had between me and her which was different again but I was able to love them both as you should, father and daughter and husband and wife she just couldn't do that and OM will no doubt have that problem.
> 
> *stbxw could only love my daughter*, slowly pushing me further and further out to the point where I was just becoming nothing and she could not see what my problem was and why it made me depressed. An example of this is if me and stbxw were having a conversation D10 would interrupt us and stbxw would just drop me and do whatever it is she said or wanted, if I said anything then I would get shouted at! another example is when I said you are destroying our family after Dday she said "our family is me and D10 and has been for 10 years", I pointed out the correction that we are all the family in my and D10's eyes a family is the 3 of us.
> 
> I have had several phone arguments with stbxw since she left because it has upset me several times seeing my daughter so hurt and upset and some of the things D10 has said about stbxw! I am not doing this anymore though, end of story I will not be speaking to her again (except if arrangements have to be changed and that will be done via text) I am not going to try to patch anything up between D10 and stbxw that is for them to do during her visitation time.


So if we follow this theory to its logical conclusion, once the new baby comes along your STBXW will transfer her love for D10 to the baby? You essentially are predicting your older child will no longer be loved by her mother? 

I think D10 already knows this. In some ways I think your daughter is way ahead of you.

That's frightening. 

You need to stay out of their relationship.


----------



## whyeme

Hi Bandit,

Scarily D10 has told my mum pretty much that, she says the new baby will be everything to stbxw! I am not saying D10 will not be loved by stbxw, she just will not be loved in the same way as now because stbxw will become obsessed by the new baby that is just how she works especially after it taking so long for her to get it!

I am staying out of their relationship already, all I did was try and convince D10 to talk to her mum and convince her that it was the right thing to do, I would make sure the phone was answered and stbxw could say goodnight to D10 and that she would accept visits from her. I am stepping away from that now, I have given stbxw agreed visitation time, what her and D10 do is for them to sort out and if D10 doesn't want to go well that is between them. I have told her to phone D10's mobile to speak to her, again if she doesn't answer that is between them and nothing to do with me.

I am staying out of it as all stbxw does is blame me for their relationship being broken, it couldn't possibly be her actions as she is a typical modern day person who cannot take responsibility or accountability for her actions (got that from the church service on Sunday made me smile as it summed her up nicely).


----------



## Acabado

bandit.45 said:


> I think D10 already knows this. In some ways I think your daughter is way ahead of you.


I believe DD already sensed the shift of focus on your wife's attention even before she knew about the real issues and impending divorce, it solidified when your wife confirmed the dissolution of the family, the existence of OM and tried to force her into replacing you with this "great guy", the nail of the coffin happened when she informed her about the engagement and the half sibling.
It has been a process in which every step confirmed she wasn't her mom's first priority anymore and the game was over.
It's even possible she already perceived your parenting ways as healthier than hers: she was a little person to you when she was more a role (daughter) for her.

Your daughter instincts didn't failed her till now. Very perceptive.


----------



## Acabado

Just read your latest response basicaly confirming my post.


----------



## ing

Acabado said:


> It's even possible she already perceived your parenting ways as healthier than hers: she was a little person to you when she was more a role (daughter) for her.
> 
> Your daughter instincts didn't failed her till now. Very perceptive.


This..


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## LongWalk

So long as you are D10’s dad you are responsible for education and upbringing in many ways. This includes dealing with the fall out from your Stbx’s affair and pregnancy. You should not let your daughter steer this. She is too young. Children of her age do have some understanding, but often courts and social workers pay too much attention to the opinions of children who are under the influence of a parent who is alienating a child.

Your daughter has been deserted by her mother. That is a major trauma. Your daughter’s greatest fear is that you will also desert her. That is not going to happen, but how can she know that? Her mother’s behavior is already inconceivable to her. Since your daughter depends on you much more, she is trying to do what she thinks you want her to do, namely punish her mother.

She is teaming up with you to punish your Stbx. What you need to do is assure your daughter that her relationship with you is solid; she does not have reject her mother to keep you in good nick.

You should explain that the new baby will be a wonderful new person. She will have a sister. She will love her sister. Because the baby is not yours, you will not love the baby as your daughter. But as a human being you will like her, for the baby has done nothing wrong. And through your daughter’s love, you will also feel good about the baby.

Tell your daughter that mothers almost always love all their children a great deal. Her mother will not stop loving her.

You do not have to celebrate this child’s conception. You do need to nourish this child. However, you can find psychological balance for your daughter’s sake.

OM must pay child support.


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## whyeme

Longwalk,

Although I agree with you to an extent, I have been trying my best to help their relationship. I have told D10 not to do what you are suggesting and that is punish stbxw on my behalf, it is a pointless exercise and nothing good will come from it but she has continued because she hates OM and her mum for her selfishness, ignoring her and putting him before her and her family.

She is punishing stbxw for hurting her, breaking promises, destroying her family and now having another guy who she hates kid 2 weeks after moving in with him! and yes most likely some of this will also be for hurting her dad but what stbxw did to her is far worse. The problem stbxw has is that D10 has no respect for her anymore, how could she? her moral compass is so different to D10 that they will probably never see eye to eye on this and stbxw just keeps telling her things that she doesn't want to hear.

D10 has already told stbxw what she thinks of her half sibling, she says that she will never hate it or not love it as it is not that child's fault who its parents are BUT when it is old enough she will tell it what its Mum and Dad did (probably by that time her anger will have dissolved quite a bit), she did say that she will never like or love its parents as what they have done is disgusting!! I thought that was an amazingly grown up thing for her to say to stbxw and shows that her hatred and anger is focused on what she has done to her.

I will be there for D10 and that I love her, she knows that I would never not be there for her and I have reinforced this to her whenever she has questioned it. 

I have a feeling that eventually when it happens and she sees that I have moved on, got somebody new and some sense of family will hopefully return to our home she will hopefully start to forgive her mum.


----------



## turnera

Just not too soon! You need at least a year or two to move past this, and to spend some time analyzing your role in your marriage.


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## whyeme

My primary focus at the moment is getting me sorted out and ensuring I protect D10 as much as I can from the mess that our lives now are! I will not be rushing in to anything anytime soon.

It still baffles me how the WW can just move in with somebody and go at 100mph where as us left behind takes us months/years to start moving forward! very odd!!


----------



## weightlifter

IIRC whyeme also has his "mum" (LOL love the Brits)

Yea he should look at his faults but Im thinking this is mostly on her.

OP. She never complained about you before the affair? Or perhaps I should ask it the PC way. HOW MUCH did she complain about you before the affair? (heh)


----------



## bandit.45

You were a sperm donor. It was probably never love on her part. As long as you were knocking her up you were useful to her. 

She's a mysandrous ho. Holds men in contempt. You should thank the OM for relieving you of that nutjob. He's in for a world of hurt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

I have faults never said I didn't but I was a loving husband, never stopped that first thing I would do when I walked through the door was hold stbxw tell her she was beautiful and that I loved her and kissed her, I would then give my daughter a hug and see how their days had been. I always held stbxw in the morning before I went to work, normally for an hour or more and I would always tell her how much I loved her before I left and would always kiss her.

The problem was her constant spending took a huge financial toll on us to the point where we couldn't go out as much, her constant putting me down was another major issue and caused me to lose my self confidence which then led me to gaining tons of weight because I would comfort eat to feel better!!

And there were no complaints in the sex department I even asked her during all this mess, I always made her the centre of attention and we made love near enough every day and it always felt amazing (as in she would have several of the big O's so I would have thought that would keep most women happy)!

Yes I think I am better off without her, I do feel like a sperm donor who because she never got that 2nd child was dumped in the trash but maybe it was a lucky escape, I also feel this guy definitely is a sperm donor although apparently she loves him and all that sh!te and he is wonderful!!


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## turnera

There are a lot of other ways you could be improving yourself. You may have been TOO nice. You may have spoken over her. You may have fallen asleep on tv shows. Who knows? But it's good for you to figure such things out, for your next relationship. His Needs Her Needs is a great first stop for figuring this stuff out. No More Mr Nice Guy is a great second stop.


----------



## Iver

Are you officially divorced? I'm asking just to make sure you don't get on the hook for child support for the new baby.

Also if your daughter doesn't want contact with her mother there's no reason to live nearby. Perhaps a new career in a new town will do everyone some good. A fresh start so to speak.

There's no reason your daughter needs to be exposed to the new baby either. Sometimes it's best to simply go your separate ways.


----------



## whyeme

Hi Iver,

No I am not officially divorced, my solicitor is advising against that at the moment she thinks I should leave it until at least 1 year after separation! luckily in the UK the only way I would be responsibly for child support is if my name is on the birth certificate and the only way that can happen is if I physically sign it which obviously is never going to happen (and it can't be falsified as you have to bring picture ID with you)!!

I do work away from home already I have a 50 mile commute to our nearest major city, I did look at moving there a few weeks ago and D10 loves the idea so potentially we are going to do that before she starts high school next September, this year she has a set of important exams so I would be foolish to move her and cause the massive amount of disruption to her school life just before a set of important exams!

D10 is not interested in seeing stbxw or her new step sibling so this would work nicely for all of us BUT stbxw can cause a massive issue with it by getting a court order preventing us from moving. She did say she wouldn't a few weeks ago but then started to threaten me again last week when D10 started telling her to get lost so who knows where we will stand!

Nothing is simple when it comes to psycho ex wifes!!


----------



## weightlifter

I can not fathom any reason to remain married past whatever the end of the UK tax year is.

YOU need to reboot your life sometime. Id hate to see you loseva chance at the woman you truly deserve because you are onlt separated. Yes i know that is the future but a year is the future.


----------



## whyeme

Hi Weightlifter,

My solicitor says they recommend a year to let everybody's emotions calm down apparently, it also allows D10 to settle down in to her new routine and ensure everything is "right" before it gets set in stone during the divorce as if we were to do it now everything would be all emotion driven and might not be best for me D10 or even not that I care stbxw.

I can see her point and they are the best family law solicitor in the country so I am listening to what they are saying for now (plus they cost enough)! 

If the woman I truly deserve comes along in this time I will not let this piece of paper stop me it is over between me and stbxw I know that seems wrong because I am married but, lets face it I am not anymore, a marriage requires 2 people and the other person is not here anymore. If the person I deserve does come along she will hopefully understand and wait for me (or I would hope so). I am 6 months in already so whats another few months. 

There is a bonus that will really annoy stbxw as she wants to be married with OM when his spawn is born so hahaha 1 thing she won't get out of everything about time something didn't go her way!!


----------



## BrockLanders

Your daughter is really mature well beyond her years. What a blessing to have each other as a rock when life gets tough. You are sounding much better now OP!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral

Decorum said:


> I know it's hard to believe, and it sounds cliché, but when a person carries a lot of guilt, even when they compartmentalize it, and/or blame shift, they reduce their capacity to enjoy things that really matter, this reduces their happiness, the very thing they are seeking after.
> 
> The brain chemicals (affair crack) will keep them going for a while, along with the drama, and fun and excitement.
> 
> But there is a high cost!
> 
> This makes pushing your little girl on a swing with your husband at a local park seem boring. Why do you think your daughter dropped in priority to her?
> 
> She may be living the "Facebook" life but she is storing up a load of depression from missing the things that count.
> 
> When you see her "all happy" with her new life you should feel pity, not envy.
> 
> Regardless of who she ends up with unless she stays drunk or high till she dies she will look back on this as the biggest mistake of her life, she is running from that now, and that's what you are seeing.
> 
> Don't believe the lie that she has found her soul mate, she has simply lost her soul.
> 
> "Its the sudden stop at the bottom that really hurts"!
> 
> Take care!


This needs to be framed.

You should rewrite this and send it to your ww.


----------



## Chaparral

LongWalk said:


> So long as you are D10’s dad you are responsible for education and upbringing in many ways. This includes dealing with the fall out from your Stbx’s affair and pregnancy. You should not let your daughter steer this. She is too young. Children of her age do have some understanding, but often courts and social workers pay too much attention to the opinions of children who are under the influence of a parent who is alienating a child.
> 
> Your daughter has been deserted by her mother. That is a major trauma. Your daughter’s greatest fear is that you will also desert her. That is not going to happen, but how can she know that? Her mother’s behavior is already inconceivable to her. Since your daughter depends on you much more, she is trying to do what she thinks you want her to do, namely punish her mother.
> 
> She is teaming up with you to punish your Stbx. What you need to do is assure your daughter that her relationship with you is solid; she does not have reject her mother to keep you in good nick.
> 
> You should explain that the new baby will be a wonderful new person. She will have a sister. She will love her sister. Because the baby is not yours, you will not love the baby as your daughter. But as a human being you will like her, for the baby has done nothing wrong. And through your daughter’s love, you will also feel good about the baby.
> 
> Tell your daughter that mothers almost always love all their children a great deal. Her mother will not stop loving her.
> 
> You do not have to celebrate this child’s conception. You do need to nourish this child. However, you can find psychological balance for your daughter’s sake.
> 
> OM must pay child support.


Sorry, but I just feel like what you are suggesting is for OP to tell his daughter a passel of lies and then try to convince her continually that those lies are truth. The truth is, her mother is a toxic, lying, cheating, selfish , etc. b!tch. I personally think D10 would be better off never seeing her again. Yes, there are things worse than death.

My uncle ,married a woman like or maybe worse than her. No one believed my uncle until years later. My aunt got custody. I believe but, am not certain, that my cousin is happily married, but her two brothers never married and as far as I know, never dated a woman and both of them great, good looking guys.

Never make a child associate with a toxic person.............no matter who they are. You can tell tell them by their works.


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## LongWalk

Chaparral said:


> Sorry, but I just feel like what you are suggesting is for OP to tell his daughter a passel of lies and then try to convince her continually that those lies are truth. The truth is, her mother is a toxic, lying, cheating, selfish , etc. b!tch. I personally think D10 would be better off never seeing her again. Yes, there are things worse than death.
> 
> My uncle ,married a woman like or maybe worse than her. No one believed my uncle until years later. My aunt got custody. I believe but, am not certain, that my cousin is happily married, but her two brothers never married and as far as I know, never dated a woman and both of them great, good looking guys.
> 
> Never make a child associate with a toxic person.............no matter who they are. You can tell tell them by their works.


I don't recommend lying to children. You have be appropriate in what you say. If a parent is a drug addict and cannot be around his/her child that is an situation that can occur. However, there are many good fathers who are cut out of their children's lives by women who use the children as tool of revenge. They program the children to hate and fear the father (there are fathers who do it, too). 

Parents going through divorce have responsibility to try and preserve the other parent's relationship with the child. Whenever one parent unilaterally deprives the other of contact, without a court approved visitation plan that should raise a red flag. 

Look at ReGroup's situation.

Your two cousins are not psychologically well adjusted as a result of their mother? The fact that your uncle was cut out of the picture illustrates the risk of eliminating parents. Your uncle was pushed aside and it cost your cousins big.


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## whyeme

Hi Longwalk,

You are preaching to the converted! but it feels like you are accusing me of something that simply isn't true. I have let my stbxw have as much contact as she can get, she works shifts 6 on 4 off on her early shifts I have let her come around our house after work, I have let her have D10 to take her out whenever she is available and in 6 months have had to say no twice to her because of conflict in schedule! I cannot give her more access or be more flexible and have never denied her access to D10, the problem stbxw has is that D10 does not want to see her and most visits end up with them arguing and D10 telling her mum she wants nothing to do with her as she is a lier, a cheat and she hates OM. What more can I do? I tried to help them to patch it up and I get accused of pushing D10 away by stbxw so go figure!!

I never wanted to see D10 and stbxw hating each other it breaks me heart if I was completely honest with you all, the problem is that stbxw promised my daughter all the time she would never divorce me or cheat on me (I know ridiculous to promise a child that, especially from a known cheater) this came from a fear D10 had because a couple of her friends in her class had been through divorce and it scared the crap out of her. D10 has taken these breaks in promise to heart, her Mum lied to her, she cheated on and destroyed her family (another thing D10 held dear) so how are you expecting her to act?

It was hard to hide her Mum cheating on her dad when she did it in front of D10's own eyes, even to the point of kissing OM in front of her when they were "just friends" the first time she met him thus reaffirming what she had feared. 

I know what you mean about parents who keep their kids away from the other side but as god as my witness I am not doing that to stbxw!


----------



## Decorum

whyeme said:


> My solicitor says they recommend a year to let everybody's emotions calm down apparently,... I am 6 months in already so whats another few months.


whyeme, I'm confused, so how long after the one year separation will it take for the divorce to be finalized?

Also I am in the camp that D10 should not be made to think of the baby as a sibling. She will likely not be treated as an equal in the other house. Personally I would let it develop naturally if she has genuine affection for your wife's new baby well and good.

If she is slighted and is emotionally detached from the child, give her the room to be so and protect her right to self determination. I don't think there is a right or wrong here.

Doubtless if she feels displaced at some point counseling may be in order. I hope she continues to show maturity, confidence, and finds her happiness in being a good person with good friends.

Take care!


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## LongWalk

I don't mean to accuse you. You are doing the best you can under trying circumstances. You deserve praise for what you have done to try and preserve their relationship. Your daughter is mad for good reason, but she is also hurting herself by acting like the parent instead of the child. Your wife needs to get help in dealing with her parental style. She needs a consistent program of behavior that your daughter can respect.


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## Decorum

LongWalk said:


> The fact that your uncle was cut out of the picture illustrates the risk of eliminating parents. Your uncle was pushed aside and it cost your cousins big.


No one is suggesting "eliminating parents".
Both children have different fathers and a full set of parents.

Don't place any obligation on D10, she does not need to be encouraged to pretend all is well, when she is (potentially) not receiving the same level of unconditional love form Mom, and the other child's father.

It may be a toxic household, D10 does not need to enable that, and incur the damage to herself that ensues from it.

She should not be encouraged to sacrifice her sense of self to cover her mothers sins.

Just my opinion.

Take care!


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## whyeme

Hi Decorum,

A divorce can go through in the UK in about 6 weeks if everybody plays ball so kicking it off 1 year after separation is not a big deal so to wait until this point doesn't really bother me.

I am giving my daughter the space she needs, I feel at nearly 11 years old (next month is her 11th birthday) that she can express how she feels quite well. I feel that forcing her to see and live with OM would be a massive mistake and would scar her for life as she hates him with passion for what he did. I have absolutely no issue with her building a relationship with her half sibling in her own time and in her own way, I will be there for her every step of the way and encourage her as I always have and will.

With regards to Miss right even if she did come along tomorrow I have no intentions of marrying her in the next 6 months and to be honest I don't feel that I am ready to give my heart to anybody else at this moment in time, it is still quite shattered and requires a lot more glue and sticky tape before it will be back in to anything resembling what it used to be!

Longwalk, thanks just wanted to clear it up! the issue with stbxw is she sees nothing wrong with her parental style or anything she has done so getting her to see she needs help is a longggg way away if ever, this is why I am leaving her to fixing her relationship with D10 as it is not my problem, I was there for both her and D10 and she didn't want my help so "screw her (or not as the case is here)"!


----------



## whyeme

Well another evening of fun and games with D10, I hate when stbxw brings her back because I have to deal with about 4 hours of punishment and anger for the privilege and turmoil her visits cause!! finally calmed her down now but what a nightmare!!

Only good thing was she is trying to guess who I am going to church with, quite funny she guessed a friend at work who's family I have been out with a couple of times because her daughters are about the same age as mine (she is married and I have very intact boundaries and am friends with her husband so never going to cross that boundary).

It is funny because to start with why is stbxw trying to guess and she seems to be on her toes which was quite funny from what D10 told me. The good thing is D10 told her it is none of her business and that she is not saying anything only that she is wrong who it is. Just made me smile, felt like the shoe was on the other foot for once as in why does she care who I am with!

Women, I don't think we will ever figure them out!!


----------



## turnera

Are you saying that stbx comes in your house and stays for 4 hours?

Try having the house locked and your car running when she drops off D10, and you and D10 go to get an ice cream or something.


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## Decorum

turnera said:


> Are you saying that stbx comes in your house and stays for 4 hours?
> 
> Try having the house locked and your car running when she drops off D10, and you and D10 go to get an ice cream or something.


:iagree:

Not trying to tell you what to do.

But at this point you are not obligated to be a shoulder to cry on or a Gluteus Maximus to chew on.

Here is a thread with Mavash and Conrad helping ReGroup unhook from his co-dependency on his wife, she had serious control of him. You may not be in as deep but it is not uncommon for someone in your situation to not be sure where the line is from a WS.

This plops you into the early part of the thread, so start wherever. If you want to do a little reading to get your mind off things it is a very interesting read, I hope it is helpful.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/63357-time-regroup-move-84.html

Take care!


----------



## Nucking Futs

turnera said:


> Are you saying that stbx comes in your house and stays for 4 hours?
> 
> Try having the house locked and your car running when she drops off D10, and you and D10 go to get an ice cream or something.


I read that as taking 4 hrs to calm D10 down.


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## whyeme

Hi guys,

No stbxw did not stay for 4 hours! I sat in a different room with the door closed and headphones on listening to music, she knocked on the door D10 let her in, she stayed for 10 minutes to look at the pets with D10 and they went out for a couple of hours shopping. She then dropped D10 off I spoke to her for 2 minutes on her return to sort out a schedule change she wanted to do and she then f**ked off!

It was D10 who was so angry when she got back and took me about 4 hours to get her calm, we went out for a family meal as my brother is moving out of town and she was in a foul mood through that!!

Nightmare, still don't understand why stbxw was quizzing D10 over who I was going to church with, what is it to do with her and why should she give a sh!t lol!! 

I still don't know how she knew some of the info she was telling D10 about the fact I had gone there with a girl (rephrase beautiful girl), double checked Facebook last night and my account is locked down all you can see is my name and the town and college I went to that is it unless you are my friend! I even went through all my friends and there is nobody in the list she will know plus I am very very careful what I post on it anyway as it is not really anybodies business I mainly use it for communication with people. 

I do feel like I am being stalked by her and her bloody Police idiots!! can't go out without somebody reporting something to her.


----------



## whyeme

Well its been a couple of weeks, life is pretty normal! still feel very down about the loss of my family but you just have to keep going every day, some days it feels like its getting better and then on others you just want to stay in bed and not wake up to the nightmare that life feels like it is!!

D10 still hates her mum with passion well more like she hates OM with passion, she has been sending her mum some nasty text messages about OM (she thinks I don't know where her mobile is). 

Still just have to struggle on, doesn't help that feel like I am being stalked by the Police, I have been stopped 3 times in my car in the last 2 weeks for stupid stuff! considering I have never been pulled once it feels a little bit coincidental but you never know!!

I joined the local Gym over the weekend only issue is going to be finding the time to fit it in but will give it a bash. Good thing is they let me take D10 swimming there at the weekends so that gives us some Dad and Daughter time so should be fun  still going to Church with my quite hot friend and she has invited us to a Halloween party which I am looking forward to as it will be a chance to get to know her outside of church!!


----------



## Chaparral

How is your stbxw acting now? Is she still fishing?


----------



## weightlifter

Sounds like you are bottoming out and starting the slow part of the upward path.


----------



## whyeme

stbxw is a strange one, she was on the phone last week crying and telling me how she was financially screwed because of the new baby, didn't appreciate it when I said "you should have thought of that before you got yourself pregnant" and down went the phone, the weirdest thing was that when she got off the phone I just found myself laughing at her sorry state of a life!

But yes sounds like I have hit the bottom and very very slowly starting to pull back up and get back on to some sort of normal course. As I said some days I just wish she was here with me but then I realise the woman I knew and loved is dead, and more importantly that I am now actually better off without her bullying and constant put downs and that life is carrying on in an almost better way than before.

It is D10 I will always feel sorry for, I always wanted us to have a normal complete family like I had when I grew up but she will never have that now. Her life will be forever damaged by what stbxw did and all I can now do is make the new life we have together the best it can be and not make the same mistake twice on whoever I move on to eventually!


----------



## weightlifter

Yep, think that corner is turned. Life will go up.

And I think...

In time.

You will love again.

Picture that day Im guessing 6-12 months from now. You met a woman with possibilities. You say I love you. She says it back. How intense and wonderful that sex will be that following night. How exhausted you will be the following day but with that dumbazz smile on your face thinking. UGH IM TIRED, DAMRITE its worth it!

(cynical note by someone saying she will cheat too will follow)

Life is about chances.

BTW stick around. There are those of us who actually like hearing the road up part after the soap opera part ends.


----------



## LongWalk

Biology rules. The selfish gene demanded expression in this new baby and like all babies it knows nothing but itself. It will be some time before your stbx is free of the responsibility. 

Her liminal mind took control and asked her rational mind to come up with reasons to vilify
you. Thus, she treats you far worse than if she were to merely say the season for change had arrived. She is building a new emotional structure. You are the provider of raw material.

She did not realize your daughter's liminal and rational thoughts would not buy in. Your daughter instinctually knows the story of Hansel and Gretel: sharp girl.

The selfish gene developed in prehistory before mortgages and mobile phones. Hers may have failed her or not, but her actions have certainly cast her into a struggle that will cost her.

When you look at things philosophically you will be better able to accept them with a sense of humor.

Send the OM a copy of a Dawkins' book for Christmas

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## whyeme

D10 is amazingly clever, I went to her school last week as I had been summoned (always scary). The teacher said she is amazing, she said she has no idea what has happened to her in the last 6 months but they can't believe the change in her she is like a completely different child!

Her self confidence has apparently gone through the roof, she is making friends left right and centre and all the pupils in the class look up to her because "D10 will have the answer" the change in her is amazing. This from a girl who we had to go in to school last year as they thought she might have had autism as she was not integrating in to class and really struggling with people and making friends, compared to when I take her now when they all come running over to her and make a fuss of her! the reality which is shown here is that stbxw was holding her back by trying to keep her as a child, now she is pretty much out of her life she has suddenly grown up and doing brilliant! 

Last and best comment from the teacher was that she was part of some sort of debate and her answers and logic were apparently flawless, the teacher actually said she is a girl well beyond her age and was reasoning and arguing her point like an adult and she got voted on to the Eco council with 100% of the classes vote! apparently she is also one of the smartest kids to have ever come through the school so that is a good sign!

Can't tell you what an amazing proud father moment that was to be told all of that made my week


----------



## happyman64

whyeme said:


> D10 is amazingly clever, I went to her school last week as I had been summoned (always scary). The teacher said she is amazing, she said she has no idea what has happened to her in the last 6 months but they can't believe the change in her she is like a completely different child!
> 
> Her self confidence has apparently gone through the roof, she is making friends left right and centre and all the pupils in the class look up to her because "D10 will have the answer" the change in her is amazing. This from a girl who we had to go in to school last year as they thought she might have had autism as she was not integrating in to class and really struggling with people and making friends, compared to when I take her now when they all come running over to her and make a fuss of her! the reality which is shown here is that stbxw was holding her back by trying to keep her as a child, now she is pretty much out of her life she has suddenly grown up and doing brilliant!
> 
> Last and best comment from the teacher was that she was part of some sort of debate and her answers and logic were apparently flawless, the teacher actually said she is a girl well beyond her age and was reasoning and arguing her point like an adult and she got voted on to the Eco council with 100% of the classes vote! apparently she is also one of the smartest kids to have ever come through the school so that is a good sign!
> 
> Can't tell you what an amazing proud father moment that was to be told all of that made my week


*Awesome!!!*


Share that with your pregnant Ex.....


----------



## whyeme

I already did! denial kicked in and she said well it is that the teachers are finally noticing her and all sorts of other crap like that! 

I love that affair denial mode kicking in, she can't see the reason D10 is doing so well is because me and my parents have given her so much encouragement and allowed her the freedom she needed to grow as a person, this is something her mother didn't give her as she didn't want her to grow up as she obsessed over her!!


----------



## whyeme

Ok struggling with today 5 months today since she walked out on us and moved in with POSOM, how do you get through a day like today? I feel sooooo depressed and down at the moment and have an urge to call and scream at her.

Any inspiring thoughts to keep me going!!


----------



## weightlifter

You come to TAM and hear us cheering:

Go Whyeme

and realize you are NOT alone. You have your parents, a woman who might just be interested in the future and the TAM army behind you.

Oh and in a bit of time dont be too surprised if daughter says "Daddy why arent you dating?"


----------



## whyeme

Cheers weightlifter! thats what I need a bit of cheering feeling very down!!! trying to stay positive at least I am at work today and out this evening at the gym in a class so my mind isn't really wandering too much well at work it is a lot but trying to stay focused!! You would think 5 months later this day would not hurt as much but god it does!!!

D10 keeps mentioning the other woman and that her little girl would be ace as a sister (love how kids jump the gun a bit) she has already told me to start dating it is very strange, it is like she has written off her Mum completely! she got another star of the day award at school yesterday for "being self confident and generally wonderful" so she seems to be happy and is doing brilliant just wish I felt like I was doing the same


----------



## BK23

Considering what you've been through, you are doing amazing. Sure, you'll have a dark day now and then, but the very worst is behind you! Your life from here on out will gradually get better and better--maybe two steps forward, one step back, on occasion, but better nonetheless. The pain your ex has caused you will gradually fade. Just keep focusing on yourself and your daughter, and do your best to give that witch as little of your thought, worry, and consideration as is humanly possible.


----------



## azteca1986

Judging by your daughter's school performance I think you're doing a great job, whyeme.


----------



## turnera

whyeme, you just don't understand that there are TONS of women out there who WANT to treat you well and love you and only you. Women who will make you feel GOOD and will not be selfish. You just have to go out and meet them. (later!)


----------



## happyman64

whyeme said:


> Cheers weightlifter! thats what I need a bit of cheering feeling very down!!! trying to stay positive at least I am at work today and out this evening at the gym in a class so my mind isn't really wandering too much well at work it is a lot but trying to stay focused!! You would think 5 months later this day would not hurt as much but god it does!!!
> 
> D10 keeps mentioning the other woman and that her little girl would be ace as a sister (love how kids jump the gun a bit) she has already told me to start dating it is very strange, it is like she has written off her Mum completely! she got another star of the day award at school yesterday for "being self confident and generally wonderful" so she seems to be happy and is doing brilliant just wish I felt like I was doing the same


Your kid is smart. And in a way she is writing off her mother.

Can you blame her???

Keep working on you Whyeme! It takes longer than 5 months but little by little you will care less about her.

Focus on you and your kid.

HM


----------



## Shaggy

Are you still getting stopped by cops?

If you are consider calling the department and report that your wife is cheating with an officer and you've noticed an uptick in police pulling you over etc, and that you are wondering if it's department policy to permit officers to engage in potential acts of harassment out of loyalty to support one of their own and the affair he is having with your wife.

Say you are currently not taking actions here, but the department supervisors might want to be aware if the situation and to speak with anyone who might engage in organized harassment of you.


----------



## whyeme

Cheers guys, sorry for the late response been a manic afternoon thankfully and a great workout to finish it although I have put 1lb on grrrrrr annoying!!!

I know there are plenty of women out there and I intend to find one who does not treat me the way I have been treated, I refuse to let my heart harden and hold anger and resentment to women for the actions of stbxw I know not all women are like her! 

The only thing that really got me down this evening was a postcard on the doorstep from our Japanese Exchange Student that we had earlier in the year. She congratulated me on our new baby (stbxw still had her befriended on facebook I have requested her to remove her to prevent further issues), obviously she didn't realise that it wasn't mine as when she was with us 6 1/2 months ago we were a happy family no affair in sight!! not quite what I wanted to see on a postcard when I walked through the door.

Problem is she is a pen pal of D10 so now got to try and explain this to our Japanese friend to prevent future incidents (she is 20 so an adult) and I am not sure what to do with the postcard, do I show D10 or not as she likes seeing them from her friend and there is other stuff on it that she should read :-(


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## happyman64

Your D is smart. Let her break the news.

It might be cathartic for her.


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## weightlifter

happyman64 said:


> Your D is smart. Let her break the news.
> 
> It might be cathartic for her.


LOL. Be careful
Dear student from japan

We received your card but unfortunately my ***** ***** ***** mum has taken up with a **** **** ****(5 more lines of naughty words) ***** ***** *****. They are not even divorced yet ****** *****. She is due in february and i want nothing to do with my ***** ***** ***** ****** ****** half sibling.

Doing well in school.
Love d10


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## whyeme

Lol love it weightlifter! no I will probably have a chat session on Facebook with her as her english is not great (hence the mistake in the first place). I haven't looked at stbxw Facebook in a few weeks and don't want to but I know when I did the baby stuff had "with POSOM" written over every status so it was pretty obvious its not mine lol!

D10 has been texting stbxw telling her she does not want to see her anymore and has asked her to stop visiting her. She thinks she has password protected the phone from me but luckily it wasn't too difficult to guess so I have read her texts whilst she was at school yesterday!

The whole thing is pretty sad but you reap what you sow and stbxw has created a big hole to chuck herself in. I still don't feel right not trying to fix the relationship between them but to be honest my love for stbxw has now started to turn to hate and I just don't want to do anything to help her, to be honest I would be happy to never see the selfish cow ever again!!


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## turnera

Your D10 needs to work through her own feelings. You trying to 'arrange' anything would just teach her not to trust her gut. Let her figure out what she wants. It's good for girls to be strong like that.


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## whyeme

That is what I am thinking the problem is stbxw used to threaten me with court, I think she has given up on that because what court is going to do anything if D10 is the one saying she doesn't want to see her. I give stbxw visitation when she can visit her due to shifts and try to accommodate her as much as possible so personally I don't think she has a leg to stand on!!

Just a nightmare I just liked having an easy life, now I feel like I am in a bl00dy soap opera!!


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## BK23

Is you daughter in counseling? If not, get her to one ASAP. I know you're hurting, but, if you can believe it, this is tougher on your daughter than you.


----------



## theroad

happyman64 said:


> Your D is smart. Let her break the news.
> 
> It might be cathartic for her.





weightlifter said:


> LOL. Be careful
> Dear student from japan
> 
> We received your card but unfortunately my ***** ***** ***** mum has taken up with a **** **** ****(5 more lines of naughty words) ***** ***** *****. They are not even divorced yet ****** *****. She is due in february and i want nothing to do with my ***** ***** ***** ****** ****** half sibling.
> 
> Doing well in school.
> Love d10




A great idea to let DD break the news. And I highly doubt she will break it as ********weight*******lift***er******thinks she****would.


----------



## whyeme

D10 is fine, she is actually doing really really well she just wants her Mum at arms length at the moment. The issue is every time D10 settles down stbxw will drop a bombshell on her or tell her things she shouldn't know.

I actually think if they spent time apart it would do her the world of good as stbxw is just poison to her at the moment, she doesn't need to know what her and posom are planning with the baby or how great he is and things like that. No point in sending her to a councilor when anything they did would most likely be undone by stbxw anyway the next time she visited! me and my parents are keeping her safe and free from harm, she is happy just doesn't want to see her mum anymore.

Its a hard thing to do but I am sure one day they will most likely reconnect, the respect for her is gone, the morals she was bought up on are shattered but she has seen me being strong and is copying my strength to get through this. 

She told stbxw the other day by text that she wants me to find somebody new and better for me and who will also love D10 so that she can forget her and get on with her life (more child like words but that affect), that just shows zero respect for her mum to me!


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## BK23

Dude.... A 10 year old is not equipped to deal with this kind of abandonment on her own. You are doing her a huge disservice by letting your sense of schadenfreude over her rejection of her mother overcome you fatherly instincts. Either get her the help she needs now, or there's a high likelihood she will be crying about this in a therapist's office when she's 30.


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## weightlifter

whyeme said:


> I actually think if they spent time apart it would do her the world of good as stbxw is just poison to her at the moment, she doesn't need to know what her and posom are planning with the baby or how great he is and things like that. .
> 
> A)
> 
> Its a hard thing to do but I am sure one day they will most likely reconnect, the respect for her is gone, the morals she was bought up on are shattered but she has seen me being strong and is copying my strength to get through this.
> 
> B)
> 
> She told stbxw the other day by text that she wants me to find somebody new and better for me and who will also love D10 so that she can forget her and get on with her life (more child like words but that affect), that just shows zero respect for her mum to me!
> 
> C)


A) Agree if it can be arranged without hurting your case. Even though females are less visual than males, the image of her mothers pregnant belly has to be especially rough on SO MANY LEVELS. Remember to her, her mother literally ripped her world apart.
B) I do hope they reconnect, post baby. Not healthy to hate your bio mom. 
C) I do to for two reasons not one. 1 yes alot of us kinda get oddly attached to our charges here and hope things go well.
2 Children emulate what they see. SHE NEEDS TO SEE a healthy loving man-wife relationship. That end is closed off on her maternal side.

Im just afraid Im going to have to order you to find a younger hotter more loving, SANER wife for your daughter sake!

It wont hurt if she leaves you on the bed with your brain short circuiting and your c0ck quivering from how good it was.

Hope things are going well in America's largest most scenic aircraft carrier... (This is where you retort with a Yankee joke)

WL


----------



## whyeme

I am stuck BK, I don't agree with her forcing her mum out but every attempt I have made at trying to help them reconcile has just ended up in me being accused of something by stbxw which is why I added structure to the visitation to top it being random and all the time! 

D10 has not been abandoned she is choosing her own path, she has the support from me and more importantly my mum who in all fairness has been more of a mother to D10 than her real mum has ever been (stbxw used to dump her on my mum when she couldn't cope quite regularly)! 

I also have a thing about councilors, I don't trust them to be honest and at the moment she is really happy. D10 loves being with my mum whilst I am at work in the evening until I get in at 5:30 and then she gets every moment I am at home with her. Her mum was a nut job forever shouting at her and putting her down and trying to keep her 5 years old, now she has gone she has come out of her shell and is doing brilliant!

The amount of times I used to come in and D10 and wife were crying screaming and yelling at each other was amazing, I used to have to come in and calm it all down again. The more I think about her leaving the better I am starting to feel as I think she was bad for both of us. POSOM can have her!!


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## weightlifter

Your free TAM Army counselors are sometimes far better and "get it" more. Plus... We are free.


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## whyeme

Weightlifter, I completely agree I hope they reconnect one day in the future as stbxw's sister hated her dad when he had an exit affair and divorced her mum. They never spoke again in 10 years and he sadly passed away from lung cancer, he tried to reconcile so many times and she wouldn't give him the time of day :-( he died never saw his grandchild, his daughters graduation or her wedding it was so sad and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. At least he had the balls to stick with the marriage until his 2 children were adults and he didn't to a 10th of the damage that stbxw has done to her family.

The thing is I don't blame him for leaving stbxw mum, ironically stbxw has turned in to her she did the same to me as her mum did to her dad! only she had the affair and not me lol!


----------



## azteca1986

whyeme said:


> I actually think if they spent time apart it would do her the world of good as stbxw is just poison to her at the moment, she doesn't need to know what her and posom are planning with the baby or how great he is and things like that.


Your wife is doing a brilliant job of pushing D10 away with all this talk of how happy she is. D10 knows her mother exchanged one family for another without a moments thought about the family she was leaving behind.

STBX: "Look how happy _I_ am. I want you to be happy for me!"

No wonder D10 doesn't want to know.


----------



## whyeme

Azteca, you couldn't have said it better if you tried that is exactly what she is doing!!

She said to my daughter a couple of weeks ago if I say 10 hail Marys (she is not even catholic) will you forgive me to which D10 said no chance!! the funny thing was to claim redemption don't you require the forgiveness of the person you hurt? the b1tch shows zero remorse or regret so there is no chance I will forgive her for this and more importantly what she has done to my little girl. She may gain my forgiveness when I have somebody new and I can congratulate POSOM for taking her off my hands!!

I am definitely on the road to moving on now, I feel pretty good only the 2nd of the month seems to get me which is the day she left our family but other than that I am on the up. I hope I can woo my old high school friend, she may not be younger than me (in fact I think she is a couple of months older than me if I remember correctly) but she is smoking hot! she is probably one of the most moral and nice girls I have met in a long time and I know I would be able to trust her (although I would always have an eye for red flags now)!


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## bandit.45

10 Hail Marys? 

Psycho.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986

whyeme said:


> the b1tch shows zero remorse or regret so there is no chance I will forgive her for this and more importantly what she has done to my little girl. She may gain my forgiveness when I have somebody new and I can congratulate POSOM for taking her off my hands!!


In one sense STBX can't show regret or remorse. She was pregnant within, what, 9 weeks of meeting the OM. All her broadcasts on FB just scream that she wants the world to know she made a great choice and couldn't be happier. It's pretty much all she can say without looking an utter fool who selfishly threw away her family.



whyeme said:


> D10 is amazingly clever, I went to her school last week as I had been summoned (always scary). The teacher said she is amazing, *she said she has no idea what has happened to her in the last 6 months *but they can't believe the change in her she is like a completely different child!
> 
> *Her self confidence has apparently gone through the roof, she is making friends left right and centre* and all the pupils in the class look up to her because "D10 will have the answer" the change in her is amazing. This from a girl who we had to go in to school last year as they thought she might have had autism as she was not integrating in to class and really struggling with people and making friends, compared to *when I take her now when they all come running over to her and make a fuss of her! *the reality which is shown here is that stbxw was holding her back by trying to keep her as a child, now she is pretty much out of her life she has suddenly grown up and doing brilliant!
> 
> Last and best comment from the teacher was that she was part of some sort of debate and her answers and logic were apparently flawless, the teacher actually said she is a girl well beyond her age and was reasoning and arguing her point like an adult and she got voted on to the Eco council with 100% of the classes vote! apparently she is also one of the smartest kids to have ever come through the school so that is a good sign!
> 
> Can't tell you what an amazing proud father moment that was to be told all of that made my week


I was geniunely happy when I read this post. If we were hearing that D10 was now withdrawn, quiet, etc there would be reason for concern. Instead we have the opposite and she's thriving. As a barometer as to D10's mental health I see a lot of good. A very resilient child you have there, whyeme.

BK23, each school has a counsellor and if D10 had trouble dealing with recent events they'd notice and be on it. I think we're a little slower to go to counselling on this side of the pond. It's a cultural difference; neither way is better or worse, imo.


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## bandit.45

Whyme, I appreciate the fact that you seem to be a good bloke who values family and traditional values. 

Next time find yourself a woman who shares those values...K?

As for your daughter, if she wants to hate her mom, let her. Its not your place to steer your child's feelings. All you can do is be there her to vent to and listen to her feelings and frustrations. And to make sure she knows that she has one parent who loves her and who will never abandon her. 

Abandonement is the big issue here. There is no way to keep your daughter from being scarred and changed by this event. No way at all. It is what it is. Life sucks sometimes and she unfortunately is learning this early. 

Your daughter has to work through this on her own. 

But, what you can do is to counteract the bad with as much good as you can. Make sure that your daughter gets to have a childhood. Take her to the ocean, take her to Blackpool and let her play at the carnival. Be the funnest, funniest dad you can be. Have as much fun and laughs as you can for the short time that you get to have her as a child, because those childhood years go by fast.


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## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> Whyme, I appreciate the fact that you seem to be a good bloke who values family and traditional values.
> 
> Next time find yourself a woman who shares those values...K?
> 
> As for your daughter, if she wants to hate her mom, let her. Its not your place to steer your child's feelings. All you can do is be there her to vent to and listen to her feelings and frustrations. And to make sure she knows that she has one parent who loves her and who will never abandon her.
> 
> Abandonement is the big issue here. There is no way to keep your daughter from being scarred and changed by this event. No way at all. It is what it is. Life sucks sometimes and she unfortunately is learning this early.
> 
> Your daughter has to work through this on her own.
> 
> But, what you can do is to counteract the bad with as much good as you can. Make sure that your daughter gets to have a childhood. Take her to the ocean, take her to Blackpool and let her play at the carnival. Be the funnest, funniest dad you can be. Have as much fun and laughs as you can for the short time that you get to have her as a child, because those childhood years go by fast.


Well said.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986

bandit.45 said:


> But, what you can do is to counteract the bad with as much good as you can. Make sure that your daughter gets to have a childhood. Take her to the ocean, take her to Blackpool and let her play at the carnival. Be the funnest, funniest dad you can be. Have as much fun and laughs as you can for the short time that you get to have her as a child, because those childhood years go by fast.


Calls himself 'bandit', but he's as soft as a marshmallow inside  Great advice.


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## whyeme

Love the advise Bandit can't agree with you more! I think I am doing that and trying to make up lost years due to the hit my stbxw gave my confidence  I took her Alton Towers a couple of weeks ago, we are going swimming tomorrow something she always wanted to do with me but I have always been way too self conscious to do! to make sure I keep it up I even enrolled her in to the Gym with me so we go swimming regularly otherwise I am paying for nothing (always a good incentive)! 

I am going to take her somewhere great on bonfire night (possibly Alton Towers again), we have a Halloween party with my gorgeous church friend to celebrate her little girls birthday on the 31st, and then church every Sunday so we have a very busy schedule! 

These are all things that I never got to do with my stbxw as her idea of a fun day out was going shopping (very boring) to bankrupt us as much as possible so I don't think I can give D10 a better time if I tried 

It is her birthday in a couple of weeks as well so I need to plan something special for that as well 

The sadest part of all of this has been going to her future high schools to look round, seeing all those happy families and it was just me and D10 :-( we got through it though and even had fun so its all good at least!


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## bandit.45

But at least she has YOU. One parent is better than no parent. And when she is an adult and has a family of her own, her love and admiration for you will go through the roof when she experiences what you had to go through as a parent alone.


----------



## bandit.45

azteca1986 said:


> Calls himself 'bandit', but he's as soft as a marshmallow inside  Great advice.


Im an armadillo. Flip me over and I'm soft and cushy.


----------



## Thorburn

bandit.45 said:


> Im an armadillo. Flip me over and I'm soft and cushy.


Armadillo made with white wine, oil, garlic, butter, salt and pepper, thyme, rosemary, onion. Might be the same reciept for a bandito burger.


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## bandit.45

Thorburn said:


> Armadillo made with white wine, oil, garlic, butter, salt and pepper, thyme, rosemary, onion. Might be the same reciept for a bandito burger.


I dont think I could bring myself to eat one of those nasty critters.


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## Nucking Futs

bandit.45 said:


> I dont think I could bring myself to eat one of those nasty critters.


If you cook it right you might be able to avoid the leprosy.


----------



## bandit.45

Nucking Futs said:


> If you cook it right you might be able to avoid the leprosy.


Yeah....are we talking about armadillos or Thorburn?


----------



## Nucking Futs

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah....are we talking about armadillos or Thorburn?


----------



## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah....are we talking about armadillos or Thorburn?


The way Thorburn rides that motorcycle he's going to be roadkill soon anyway.


----------



## LongWalk

BK23 said:


> Dude.... A 10 year old is not equipped to deal with this kind of abandonment on her own. You are doing her a huge disservice by letting your sense of schadenfreude over her rejection of her mother overcome you fatherly instincts. Either get her the help she needs now, or there's a high likelihood she will be crying about this in a therapist's office when she's 30.


:iagree:

Ten year olds can be angry at their parents, but they do not have focused anger and hatred. She is taking her cues from you. Remember, she lost her mother, so she is bonding with you even deeper to ensure that you stay in her life.


----------



## whyeme

Longwalk, I am not showing any anger towards her mother, to be honest the only emotion I have for her is pity she is such a screwed up messed up person, I believe she will regret her actions one day but I will not be there to assist picking up the pieces this time around. 

I don't even talk about her anymore and definitely not in a negative way as that would be wrong, I have spoke to D10 a few times and told her the usual speeches about just because we are not together doesn't mean we don't both love you etc.. and that she should see her mother but she doesn't want to and always comes back with a logical adult like answer which is scary!

D10 biggest issue is not actually stbxw it is OM, she does not want to be anywhere near him. She hates OM he destroyed her world in her eyes along with stbxw and her mum picked him over D10 even as she begged her not to do it, he also made her mum in to the lier she now sees as she lies to D10 as much as to me which is what is also wrong as D10 hates liers. 

stbxw makes me laugh though as she is even in denial over how D10 responds to her, everything is fine etc... when I know because I have broken in to D10 mobile that it is not as I have seen the text messages and they are not pleasant between them! the affair fog always amazes me though as it strikes again!!


----------



## whyeme

Just to add...

Post has just arrived and my daughter has just passed the entrance exam to the most prestigious high school in our area  she didn't even study for it which makes it even more special to me she decided at the last minute she wanted to try!!

Got to say one of the proudest days of my life today, she is just doing amazing


----------



## bfree

She has a fantastic father.


----------



## Chaparral

Grab a root and growl...........as in a set of barbells. It is an instant mood elevator, an adrenalin buzz.


----------



## LongWalk

Your daughter is smart and socially acute. That will help her cope. Hopefully the baby will not make things worse. 

Are your wife and the PosOM in a stable LTR?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## whyeme

Well they have been "together" properly since May, not sure on stable as to be honest the guy was duped into having her kid as I was as she was pregnant 2 weeks after moving in with him.

Before then the 2 new each other from a 2 week training course and went out 5-6 times on dates (in front of D10) and through a load of text messages so basically she moved in with somebody she didn't really know!

I know she is lying to him about all sorts of things, not exactly the greatest start to a relationship is it! she has also cried to me 2-3 times recently about things that are wrong in it such as no money, no idea how she is going to afford this kid so god knows how much of this happiness is real or just to show face.

I think they are both stuck now, what can he do? if he leaves her he looses access to his kid, she can't leave him as she has nowhere to go except crying home to her Mum which she won't do!

He is about to start a job 55 miles up the road, long hours, night shifts etc... and she is going to be stuck at home with the baby and she won't like that! my Mum looked after D10 all the time because stbxw couldn't cope and she has now lost that support structure she had as her Mum won't do that for her.

Its a royal mess and I am sick of it all, I am a straight up type of guy I lead a simple life and just want to enjoy it I don't like drama and certainly don't want to feel like I am living in a soap like I do now!!


----------



## Acabado

whyeme said:


> she is going to be stuck at home with the baby and she won't like that! my Mum looked after D10 all the time because stbxw couldn't cope and she has now lost that support structure she had as her Mum won't do that for her.


This is the second time you mention this piece, her inability to cope with your little kid and regulary dumping her at your mom's. And such a volatile relationship with her, so much she's finnaly thriving since she got away!
If you add this to the previous info I can't understand your STBXW continued attempts to get pregnant and become a mom. 
She makes an horrible mom!
If I recall she pushed you forever to get her pregnant again, tons of money and effort spent on this, a few miscarriages (the latest just when she was already "dating" OM and shortly before current pregnancy, that's speed).

I.don't.get.it.
I.don't.get.her.


----------



## whyeme

I don't get her either! I don't think I ever will she always wanted 2 kids kind of a childhood dream so was never happy with just 1!

The money issue was not us spending money on fertility treatment as we have both been cleared by our doctors as able to have children, for some reason she kept miscarrying but she has idiopathic inter-cranial hypertension which means she takes some pretty nasty medications, these meds have warnings all over them not to get pregnant due to birth defects which is what I always put it down to as well as her stressing over getting pregnant!

The money issue in our relationship was her constantly spending it on [email protected], my daughter has quite literally hundreds of teddy bears that she doesn't even particularly like or care about for example! stbxw used to spend money as sort of a way of buying my daughters affection even though it was not needed. 

She is basically a nut job is what I put it down to, she is also an amazing manipulator she will have you feeling sorry for her in minutes and somehow casts a spell on you to do whatever she wants.


----------



## LongWalk

The striking thing about your tale is the cry of the selfish gene. Your wife could not deny this urge to have a child. Moreover, she was prepared to deceive OM, you and D10. This child would not be denied. Biology rules.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## alte Dame

Your WW is a hot mess. Her need for a baby seems visceral, desperate, and reactive. It's not unheard of for teenaged girls in bad home situations to want to have babies of their own so that they can feel anchored. Your WW sounds like these young girls: toxically immature, very confused, and very messed up. 

Your D is lucky to have you, but she is only a kid herself & will undoubtedly experience her own emotional challenges re her mother and new step-sibling. I hope you can continue to keep it together to help smooth the ride for her.


----------



## weightlifter

whyeme said:


> Just to add...
> 
> Post has just arrived and my daughter has just passed the entrance exam to the most prestigious high school in our area  she didn't even study for it which makes it even more special to me she decided at the last minute she wanted to try!!
> 
> Got to say one of the proudest days of my life today, she is just doing amazing


Wow. Almost like your breakup was supposed to happen to allow your D to bloom. Question tho: High school starts at 11 in UK?


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## bandit.45

Whyme your STBXW is mentally ill. Rational, mentally healthy people do not exhibit this kind of behavior. 

Yours is one of those instances where I can say in all candor that your STBXW did you an enormous favor by leaving you for another man. She is sick in the head.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> Whyme your STBXW is mentally ill. Rational, mentally healthy people do not exhibit this kind of behavior.
> 
> Yours is one of those instances where I can say in all candor that your STBXW did you an enormous favor by leaving you for another man. She is sick in the head.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why I can't agree with this more. Just be there for your kid focus.:iagree::iagree:


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## whyeme

Cheers guys, sorry for the late reply its been a manic weekend out and about with D10! this is already my thinking sadly and the more I ponder it the more it seems clear. I do still love her but know that I cannot go back to that life again for me and my little girls own good we need to stay free from her. I never thought I would feel like that but I do sadly :-( 

I suspect D10 will reconnect with her one day which will be good, but I imagine the relationship at that point will be very different than what it was. She has become a very strong little girl since stbxw did this, she is an almost even match with her argument wise which is what causes stbxw to blame me because I encourage her to express herself and to give 100% into everything she does! if stbxw tries to deceive D10 or convince her of something that is not true she will counter it (majority of these arguments happen when I am not there) for example if stbxw says something like "i didn't have an affair", D10 will come back with a very adult counter argument and is not afraid to do it in public (busy restaurant last time), stbxw just can't handle it as that is not the little obedient girl she left behind!

It was strange at yesterday's church service they were on about life and when David was stuck in the cave and how it normally takes a "cave" event to bring everything in to context, make you stronger and you will come out of that cave kicking and fighting for what you believe, the more I listened the more it felt like my life at the moment the only thing is I can see light at the end of this cave now which was not there a few weeks ago and I am damn sure I will be kicking butt when I get out!


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## user_zero

whyeme said:


> Cheers guys, sorry for the late reply its been a manic weekend out and about with D10! this is already my thinking sadly and the more I ponder it the more it seems clear. I do still love her but know that I cannot go back to that life again for me and my little girls own good we need to stay free from her. I never thought I would feel like that but I do sadly :-(
> 
> I suspect D10 will reconnect with her one day which will be good, but I imagine the relationship at that point will be very different than what it was. She has become a very strong little girl since stbxw did this, she is an almost even match with her argument wise which is what causes stbxw to blame me because I encourage her to express herself and to give 100% into everything she does! if stbxw tries to deceive D10 or convince her of something that is not true she will counter it (majority of these arguments happen when I am not there) for example if stbxw says something like "i didn't have an affair", D10 will come back with a very adult counter argument and is not afraid to do it in public (busy restaurant last time), stbxw just can't handle it as that is not the little obedient girl she left behind!
> 
> It was strange at yesterday's church service they were on about life and when David was stuck in the cave and how it normally takes a "cave" event to bring everything in to context, make you stronger and you will come out of that cave kicking and fighting for what you believe, the more I listened the more it felt like my life at the moment the only thing is I can see light at the end of this cave now which was not there a few weeks ago and I am damn sure I will be kicking butt when I get out!


first let me congratulate on having such daughter. god bless you and your daughter.
I wanted to ask you : becareful about your daughter acting mature. although the whole thing is good but there is a difference between a mature child and a mature adult. the difference lies in what others expect of that person and more importantly what that person expects from him/herself. make sure your daughter knows that you appreciate her being that good but you also want her to play and have fun like a kid. she can be mature and be still a kid.

ps: about that 'cave' concept. personally I think 'being in a cave' means being alone with your thoughts , being seperated from the rest of world and from distractions of daily life. so the person could stop looking for the answers outside. instead search in himself to understand his own character. to understand what it is that he really looking for... instead of buying of what others saying he needs. I believe such thought experiment requires the courage of a warrior to ask the right questions and honesty of a child to answer those questions. (too epic? right?  )


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## whyeme

I wouldn't say she was being mature as such she is just a little smart ars3 but she is so very strong, she has the will and stubbornness of her mother! D10 gets what D10 wants and she will not let something go, it can be a bit of a nightmare at times but I would rather her have that go and fire in her than to sit there and just take anything people threw at her!!

She does play and have a childs life if anything she has made so many new friends in the last 6 months it is better than before! I am making sure that she has a great kids life and will not let stbxw take that last bit of her childhood away from her and so far she is probably having more fun now than when her mum was with her.


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## user_zero

whyeme said:


> I wouldn't say she was being mature as such she is just a little smart ars3 but she is so very strong, she has the will and stubbornness of her mother! D10 gets what D10 wants and she will not let something go, it can be a bit of a nightmare at times but I would rather her have that go and fire in her than to sit there and just take anything people threw at her!!
> 
> She does play and have a childs life if anything she has made so many new friends in the last 6 months it is better than before! I am making sure that she has a great kids life and will not let stbxw take that last bit of her childhood away from her and so far she is probably having more fun now than when her mum was with her.


you are a great father. I admit I feel I am a little jealous of your daughter


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## whyeme

Cheers zero, I just wish and regret that I had not managed to keep our family together somehow :-( it is going to probably be the biggest regret of my life. 

I know it is not my fault as stbxw cheated as there is no excuse for that but I wish I had been able to save us, yes our marriage was not perfect but who's is but it was so far from destruction we still loved each other, we still had fun and everything was pretty good just before she met this guy, the selfish gene required this baby though so off she went!


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## illwill

Treasure your time with her. Make sure she still gets to be child.


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## user_zero

whyeme said:


> Cheers zero, I just wish and regret that I had not managed to keep our family together somehow :-( it is going to probably be the biggest regret of my life.
> 
> I know it is not my fault as stbxw cheated as there is no excuse for that but I wish I had been able to save us, yes our marriage was not perfect but who's is but it was so far from destruction we still loved each other, we still had fun and everything was pretty good just before she met this guy, the selfish gene required this baby though so off she went!


you have to understand. your stbxw must want to be saved by you and deserved to be saved by you ... SO you could save her. and btw you can't save people from themselves.


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## whyeme

stbxw is an odd one, her pride would stop her wanting to be saved her friends are far more important than her family and what they think is more important. She also most likely thinks like most people here that this baby stops her being saved, the reality is it probably does but she shows no remorse and no regrets well apart from the couple of times she has broken down. 

How I look at it, I am looking out for me and D10 now and I am single (for all tense and purpose) if she decides in a few months time that she wants her family back and I have not found somebody new then well that is my choice if I accept her back in to it, as it stands at the moment I am 50/50 on what I would say if the opportunity arose but I am doubting it will so I am relatively safe from making that decision!


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## weightlifter

whyeme said:


> It was strange at yesterday's church service they were on about life and when David was stuck in the cave and how it normally takes a "cave" event to bring everything in to context, make you stronger and you will come out of that cave kicking and fighting for what you believe, *the more I listened the more it felt like my life at the moment the only thing is I can see light at the end of this cave now which was not there a few weeks ago and I am damn sure I will be kicking butt when I get out!*


You already almost have. Once you drop all this nonsense about getting back together I will let you take away the word "almost". DUDE ANOTHER MANS KID IS IN HER BELLY. STOP IT!

Across the Atlantic verbal butt kick 
Across the Atlantic verbal butt kick 
Across the Atlantic verbal butt kick


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## whyeme

cheers weightlifter, seems like I can always rely on you to give me a good cross atlantic kicking when I need it!!!

Its only an almost because I don't know what would happen if she came begging and crawling to come back to me, and just for a laugh she at least showed some damn remorse!!!! I don't think it will happen which is why that almost is pretty much gone in my eyes.

I know it will be forever once I move on because I sure as hell will not look back at that point, as they say the only way your heart will mend is when you learn to love again! at the moment I am concentrating on me and sorting me out and of course making sure D10 has the best life I can give her!!

I also find the best way of punishing yourself is at the gym when you want to beat yourself up, at least then you torture your body and at the same time improve it to hopefully attract a nice younger model at the end of it


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## whyeme

and to add, my god there are some beautiful girls in the gym I go to, had the pleasure of spending 30 minutes on the treadmill behind a girl must have been early 20s with skin tight clothes on and the one of the nicest ars3's I have ever seen  it was a bit of a distraction but kept me going!!

Talk about encouragement!!!


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## LongWalk

It's great that you know how you feel. That will take a lot of pressure off your daughter. Hypothetically, I think most men would find it extremely difficult to take back a woman who went off and got pregnant by another man. Oddly, we would be okay starting something up with a divorced single mom who didn't have too many children. But if we knew she was a cheater that would be a minus, and yet cheating is one of major reasons for divorce.

We wouldn't want to pay for them, unless we were very wealthy and did not care.

Now that you know your fate is not hinged on your Stbx, you can even detach easier and deal with her better. Talk to her and explain that relations with D10 require a more sophisticated approach from her, beginning with an apology for the affair. She needs to respect your daughter. It will not hurt her to get real. After all she going to have child with OM and that child did not come into the world through IVF.

By admitting that she f'd up she has chance to rebuild her relationship with D10 sooner rather than later. She should do it before she has the baby.


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## whyeme

At present I am not speaking to stbxw except for childcare arrangements, I have no want to she is just a b1tch to me when she does speak to me and she doesn't listen to a word you say even when you try and help her! having a constructive conversation with her just doesn't happen, it is not for want of trying she just says you are lecturing her when you are just trying to discuss an issue! 

The problem is she is always right and you are always wrong, it has always been that way with her probably one of the reasons why I gave up trying to argue with her it was just easier to say yes. This issue is definitely childhood related because she would sometimes say "you are just like my sister, always right and I am always wrong" when you did try to argue a point, this is what happened in her family as her sister was the golden child (and oldest).

She will not even admit she had an affair apparently we were "broken up" even though only 1 of us knew it! no chance of her apologizing to D10 that apology just wouldn't happen as she has done nothing wrong in her eyes!


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## LongWalk

Well, just disconnect. Her pregnancy is not going to make her more rational.

Work out, take care of yourself, date and replace her. You'll find someone better... much better


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## LostViking

whyeme said:


> and to add, my god there are some beautiful girls in the gym I go to, had the pleasure of spending 30 minutes on the treadmill behind a girl must have been early 20s with skin tight clothes on and the one of the nicest ars3's I have ever seen  it was a bit of a distraction but kept me going!!
> 
> Talk about encouragement!!!


If you didn't drum the courage up to talk to her then don't tell us about her. 

We want results not anecdotes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

no that is what I thought, plus she has been pregnant for most of the affair, rationality has been gone out of the window for some time!!! I can't believe POSOM has survived to be honest she was horrendous when pregnant, takes insanity to a new level!!

I actually found a box in D10 room the other day whilst having a big clear out that had all her baby stuff from the hospital in it, in the box was a letter stbxw gave me apologising for being a nut job and threatening to leave me (she was stuck in hospital a month before D10 was born)! I can't even remember it being given to me but suddenly bought back a flood of memories of what she was like, a complete psycho!!

I am with you guys, I couldn't do much worse than her could I lol!!


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## whyeme

LostViking said:


> If you didn't drum the courage up to talk to her then don't tell us about her.
> 
> We want results not anecdotes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


lol she had the magic ring on her finger!! window shopping only on that one I am not becoming a POSOM!!


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## LostViking

whyeme said:


> At present I am not speaking to stbxw except for childcare arrangements, I have no want to she is just a b1tch to me when she does speak to me and she doesn't listen to a word you say even when you try and help her! having a constructive conversation with her just doesn't happen, it is not for want of trying she just says you are lecturing her when you are just trying to discuss an issue!
> 
> The problem is she is always right and you are always wrong, it has always been that way with her probably one of the reasons why I gave up trying to argue with her it was just easier to say yes. This issue is definitely childhood related because she would sometimes say "you are just like my sister, always right and I am always wrong" when you did try to argue a point, this is what happened in her family as her sister was the golden child (and oldest).
> 
> She will not even admit she had an affair apparently we were "broken up" even though only 1 of us knew it! no chance of her apologizing to D10 that apology just wouldn't happen as she has done nothing wrong in her eyes!


No regret, no remorse, no morals, no taking responsibility for what she has done. You do understand Whyme what the latter years of her pathetic existence on this planet will be like? Once her looks fade she will end up alone. She will burn her new man the same way she burned you. She will end up despised by her children and discarded by all who knew her. 

No way you could have saved her. No way you could have saved your so-called marriage being hitched to a demon like this. Problem is you have never really known what it is like to be in a healthy relationship. So you pine for the lesser. Stop it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67

LostViking said:


> No regret, no remorse, no morals, no taking responsibility for what she has done. You do understand Whyme what the latter years of her pathetic existence on this planet will be like? Once her looks fade she will end up alone. She will burn her new man the same way she burned you. She will end up despised by her children and discarded by all who knew her.
> 
> No way you could have saved her. No way you could have saved your so-called marriage being hitched to a demon like this. Problem is you have never really known what it is like to be in a healthy relationship. So you pine for the lesser. Stop it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree:


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## whyeme

LostViking said:


> No regret, no remorse, no morals, no taking responsibility for what she has done. You do understand Whyme what the latter years of her pathetic existence on this planet will be like? Once her looks fade she will end up alone. She will burn her new man the same way she burned you. She will end up despised by her children and discarded by all who knew her.
> 
> No way you could have saved her. No way you could have saved your so-called marriage being hitched to a demon like this. Problem is you have never really known what it is like to be in a healthy relationship. So you pine for the lesser. Stop it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

had to do it, I really hope that happens to her as that is a fitting end for a nasty piece of work such as her! problem is she somehow seems to be able to manipulate people in to feeling sorry for her, its weird everybody thinks that I caused all of this when SHE is the one who had the affair and I was the idiot loving husband who would do anything for her for example, would love that skill as it must be handy!

Forgot to say... her looks are OK she is not drop dead gorgeous by any stretch of the imagination she was just one of the popular kids at school (probably because if you dated her you guaranteed sex as she knew that was the only way to keep a bloke apparently)


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## Shaggy

Whyme - I'm going to suggest that you do need to develop some friendships with single women.

In particular good honest women that could be good role models to your daughter. 

And if you want to date - honestly it's a healthy thing for you as an adult and a healthy thing for your daughter to see you doing.

The marriage is done. Forever. She's having posoms kid. There isn't more gone than that.

Cut her out, and get living life. She your daughter that healthy adults over come problems and keep right on living,


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## weightlifter

Glad your daughter is on board with you dating.


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## whyeme

I think it is because she has written her Mum off to be honest, I am not sure what it would be like though if I actually did it you know what kids are like!! 

If I started to date I would do it secretly at first and then if I find somebody who I think has potential I would introduce her as a friend and go from there.

At the moment I am not really trying to find somebody, just need to reestablish friendship with people and try and get me and D10 sorted first.


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## whyeme

somebody give me a kick please, feeling really down today and don't know why just keep thinking about stbxw and wish I could have her back (yeah I know posom child in stomach and all that), anybody fancy giving me a royal virtual kicking back please!!!


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## LongWalk

Are you going to assist when she goes into labor?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## arbitrator

LongWalk said:


> *Are you going to assist when she goes into labor?*
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


*God, I would certainly hope not! In betraying you, she got herself into this entire mess without you when she felt that you were totally expendable. 

To that end, I think that she can handle getting herself out of it alone as well!

Divorce her skanky a$$, love and cherish your daughter, and find a woman who will truly love you for who you are and for your heart!*


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## whyeme

LongWalk said:


> Are you going to assist when she goes into labor?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


:rofl: yeah of course I am :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: NOT!!!


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## turnera

What's your definition of love, whyeme? Do her actions typify loving you?


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## bfree

Whyeme, let me ask you this. Instead of your wife cheating on and then leaving you let's say she died. Would you miss her? Of course. Would you want her back? Of course. What you need to come to grips with is that "your wife" is indeed dead. The human being is still alive but everything that made her "your wife" is gone. Every decision, every choice, every action, and every experience changes who we are. Some of these changes are small, almost insignificant. And some of these changes are profound and all encompassing. The person that was your wife made choices and had experiences that forever changed her. She could never become "your wife" again. That person is long gone and never ever coming back. So do you miss "your wife?" Of course. But she's dead and can never come back. I doubt this made you feel any better and for that I'm truly sorry.


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## user_zero

whyme , 

read post#742 which is posted by me. read #1 of that post.

here's the link :

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...bandoned-my-cheating-wife-50.html#post4573161


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## arbitrator

user_zero said:


> whyme ,
> 
> read post#742 which is posted by me. read #1 of that post.
> 
> here's the link :
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...bandoned-my-cheating-wife-50.html#post4573161


*User_zero: You're spot on!*


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## whyeme

I know what you mean, I know she is dead I suppose it is a bit like mourning her when this happens it will just have been something little that triggered it just wish I knew what it was. Could have been a dream or something sub conscious as I don't know why I woke up today feeling this way.

I know this sounds nasty but I wish she was dead, it would be far easier to deal with than seeing this ghost of my wife occasionally which is what makes it so hard I think as you just keep wishing that person inside her would reappear.

Most days I feel great then occasionally I have these downers like today! I think it might be because we are going out for a meal with my parents tonight to celebrate my mums birthday, last year we all did it including stbxw and I just remember it being a great night so maybe thats it!


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## happyman64

It takes time whyeme.

Rome was not built in a day.

The key is to get up every day and focus on you. Not your Ex.

That is someone that you used to know.

HM


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## 86857

Whyeme
You posted here mid-Aug and it's not even mid-Oct!
Kudos, kudos, kudos. :smthumbup:
You've done GREAT and your D10 is lucky to have such a fantastic Dad. 
Keep on truckin!


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## weightlifter

LongWalk said:


> Are you going to assist when she goes into labor?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


Longwalk. DUDE! BRUTAL!

He had long hang time on that punt. (US football reference for the UK'ers)


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## Nucking Futs

LongWalk said:


> Are you going to assist when she goes into labor?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## whyeme

Nucking futs, that should be OM lol I would love to do that to his face!! I have visions of seeing him in the street, I would drop kick the piece of scum to the ground and kick the living sh!t out of him!! god if only, I will just have to settle as him being my invisible opponent in BODYCOMBAT not worth losing D10 over and the court case lol!!

And cheers guys, you always seem to be able to get me back to planet earth just what I needed. Had a great night out tonight with D10 and my Mum and Dad so in a better mood now as well


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## weightlifter

Funny how family can do that.

My wife went batty on me in front of my parents. My father telling me if im about to crack, i can come down, and there is always a pillow with my name on it... If i ever just cant take more... Priceless.


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## whyeme

Parents are great (ironic considering my stbxw isn't), still don't know why I am feeling so depressed these last couple of days just feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am wondering if it is because D10 birthday is next week, I keep remembering how happy we both were this time 11 years ago and probably not helping that she is getting that again whilst I am left with the wreckage of what she has done 

Just getting a bit fed up of plodding along day after day, just wish I could see some genuine light at the end of the tunnel or even better some happiness or a crystal ball to see what is going to happen!! D10 seems to be happy enough though which is good1!


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## azteca1986

whyeme, this first year is going to be tough in places. You're going to keep running into significant dates in the calendar that are now tinged with sadness. It came as no surprise when you mentioned your Mum's birthday got you feeling down. Of course this time last year you were still a happy family.

You're not a happy family anymore due to your wife's selfish choices.

The same will be true of D10's birthday. It's perfectly natural. You're mourning what's now lost. It's part of the grieving process. You'll get through it. And soon you'll 'overwrite' those painful times with new and more pleasant experiences.

Hang in there mate, you're doing well in the circumstances; D10 is thriving. You bound to feel low from time to time. We're here to remind you that you're a great Dad and you're moving toward a better future for yourself.


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## confusedFather

whyeme, azteca1986 is really speaking truth here. Believe it or not you are still very early on in the grieving/separating process. I know it feels like a long time but trust in the experience of those here who say it will get better; it just takes time.

I likened my emotions to a roller coaster. Some days I felt so good I thought I had finally turned the corner. Then a date or some other trigger would have me down for a week. 

Hang it there and focus on yourself and D10. Don't rush to fill the void of a female companion. Pray and trust in God and you will make it through.


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## whyeme

Cheers guys, struggling to trust in God at the moment I know I should but I feel like he betrayed me I am just hoping he had a reason to do this to me!

Life does feel like a rollercoaster there are some days like you said where you wake up and feel great then others for no reason you feel so down you just want to spend the day in bed crying!

I feel better about myself, just went and had my health MOT yesterday evening and passed everything but my weight with flying colours in fact my VO2, blood pressure and everything were amazing which shocked me as when I went to the doctor just after finding out about the affair my body was basically a write off!! 6 stone in 5 months isn't bad though and I am proud of that and so is D10 

The void as you put it for female companion to me is the big issue, I hate the void my heart is currently feeling I am just not used to it as I have been with stbxw since I was 19 so all of my adult life basically, it is a horrible feeling to wake up in that bed alone every day especially when you roll over your brain almost forgets whats happened and you feel nobody there to hold !!


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## LongWalk

Life has given you a major wake up call. You were very overweight and now you can(not) recommend a success crash diet. Haha. Are you lifting weights, playing sports? This a major factor in building self confidence with the ladies.

You wrote stone, so you must be in the UK. Do you live a rural area? Is there a hiking club? Your D might be strong enough to keep up with grown ups. Might have good companionship.

Once you are meeting folks and are a cheery chap, you'll be getting introduced to women. The UK is tricky because so many people are into the pub culture and heavy drinking, so if you want avoid that scene you have make certain you don't date yourself into it.

If you're on Facebook you can look at friends of friends and where you see something you want to comment on and see some women who write something interesting, you can always click like and write and comment back. Doesn't have to lead to anything, just practice thinking about what sort of women you want to have conversations with.


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## whyeme

Hi Longwalk,

No crash dieting here, quite the opposite I now eat very very healthily removed pretty much all junk food from my diet and keep portion sizes to a decent level, I also spend about 1 1/2 hours a day working out doing nearly 1 hour of intense cardio (BODYCOMBAT) in the morning and then about 20-30 minutes of weights to get the strength going.

Once I feel my body is in good shape I will start doing something a little more social as I still feel a bit paranoid about my body, I need to get the self confidence back up is whats needed although it is a million times better than it was pre affair I am not quite there yet. Problem with being married to a nut job is your body and mind take quite the toll so erasing 11 years worth of damage has not been easy my body is about where I was when I was about 22, I want another 2 stone off and then I will be happy with my body it will be about what it was size wise pre marriage except a lot healthier fitness wise!!

I still can't believe I took D10 swimming for the first time in her life at the weekend, I have never had the confidence to do it as I have always been too self conscious but I enjoyed it so much Saturday I went back Sunday with her!

I have been doing the Facebook suggestion that is how I was reunited with my friend from High School who I go to church with every week  and I do a lot more commenting and likes than I would have done in the old days! 

I know I am getting there slowly I am just being impatient I think, I am pretty sure the only way I will get rid of stbxw from my head and heart once and for all is to find somebody new who I can put this wasted energy in to, it will also eliminate the what if's about stbxw!

PS I live in a "City" although it should barely be classed as one but I do work in the 3rd biggest city in the country so that should come in handy


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## user_zero

whyeme said:


> Cheers guys, struggling to trust in God at the moment I know I should but I feel like he betrayed me I am just hoping he had a reason to do this to me!


I know why you feel this. you believe the main purpose of life is to live happy and peaceful. and since you've been a good person then God shouldn't let bad things happen to you. right?

well you have to understand that was all based on a wrong assumption. the main purpose of this life is not to live happy and peaceful, it is to grow personally , spiritually as a human being. and God gives you opportunities to be a better person , to do good. we are the ones that should see those opportunities and use them. for example about taking your daughter to swim : god always gave you the opportunity to do that , to be a good active father. but until recently you weren't very active in that department. this change in behavior is from God or from you?

have you seen the old kung fu movies (specifically jackie chan ones)? the apprentice (usually played by jackie chan) goes through a series of physical / mental hardships designed by his master to reach his (apprentice) full potential. now do you think Master does these physical / mental tests because he hates his apprentice ? I think if you see closely , you can see the true meaning of kindness. the master loves his apprentice , wants the best for him even feel pain when he sees his apprentice's pain but he loves his apprentice so much that he knows that pain is necessary for apprentice's growth. that's the best form of love.

the funny thing is that you see the same kind of behavior between parents and children. while nurturing / protecting one's child is important , there comes an age when the parent should allow the child to defend his/her own rights on his/her own. so the child could be ready for the hardships of future life. we all know what happens to children which do not go this natural process. they become push-overs, c**kolds , sissies , ....

whyme , what I'm about say to you probably shocks you. You (as a human being) created for a lot more than to just have a happy luxurious life and then become dead.

have faith in God. see the opportunities he is giving you everyday , in every moment. and you use those opportunities to their fullest.


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## turnera

whyeme said:


> The void as you put it for female companion to me is the big issue, I hate the void my heart is currently feeling I am just not used to it as I have been with stbxw since I was 19 so all of my adult life basically, it is a horrible feeling to wake up in that bed alone


whyeme, I often tell people to NEVER get married until you have lived alone at least a few years. You need to be alone for a time so you can grow to understand that you ARE just fine by yourself, that you may WANT a companion, but you don't NEED one. 

It's good for you to now wake up alone, at least for a while. That's how you grow and learn and become a better, wiser person. Enjoy that. Embrace it. Start doing things for yourself, JUST yourself. Married people often never do that, they just compromise all the time and never really even KNOW who they really are. Use this time to figure it out.


----------



## weightlifter

whyeme said:


> Nucking futs, that should be OM lol I would love to do that to his face!! I have visions of seeing him in the street, I would drop kick the piece of scum to the ground and kick the living sh!t out of him!! god if only, I will just have to settle as him being my invisible opponent in BODYCOMBAT not worth losing D10 over and the court case lol!!
> 
> And cheers guys, you always seem to be able to get me back to planet earth just what I needed. Had a great night out tonight with D10 and my Mum and Dad so in a better mood now as well


LOL. On SI there is this UK dude who reminds me sorta of your story.

His OM is definitely a social alpha. Who forgot that that does not necessarily mean a physical alpha.

OM gets in the way at a pool... Ends up knocked on his azz! Yep in front of his wayward wife who had moved in with OM.


----------



## whyeme

Cheers zero, that actually made a lot of sense kind of what they were teaching on Sunday at church God brings us hardship to test us its how we make it through these challenges that is important. I know I can make it through I just have to keep going and going until one day whatever god has planned for me happens, I am sure it will be something great, it sure can't be worse than being with stbxw!!

And weightlifter that sounds funny, I would love to do that! my current fantasy kicking for him would be to see them both out shopping and I was behind them, I would run at the [email protected] full force and fly kick the piece of sh!t from behind to the ground at full force (he stabbed me in the back so its honorable in my eyes), turn him round by the scruff of his neck and pile drive the piece of scum with my fist street brawl style, might follow it up by grabbing him round the neck as he tries to get up and muay thai kick the scum bag in his stomach for the last few rounds, maybe a few boxing hooks to the face if he manages to get himself standing up until he is back on the ground lol 

Would never probably do it in fairness as I don't fancy getting arrested but hey we can dream what we would love to do if punishment was not a problem to the POSOM! thing is I would most likely feel guilty as hell because I am not a violent person and it is against my core beliefs, but can you make an exception for POSOM hmmmm!!


----------



## user_zero

whyeme said:


> Cheers zero, that actually made a lot of sense kind of what they were teaching on Sunday at church God brings us hardship to test us its how we make it through these challenges that is important. I know I can make it through I just have to keep going and going until one day whatever god has planned for me happens, I am sure it will be something great, it sure can't be worse than being with stbxw!!
> 
> And weightlifter that sounds funny, I would love to do that! my current fantasy kicking for him would be to see them both out shopping and I was behind them, I would run at the [email protected] full force and fly kick the piece of sh!t from behind to the ground at full force (he stabbed me in the back so its honorable in my eyes), turn him round by the scruff of his neck and pile drive the piece of scum with my fist street brawl style, might follow it up by grabbing him round the neck as he tries to get up and muay thai kick the scum bag in his stomach for the last few rounds, maybe a few boxing hooks to the face if he manages to get himself standing up until he is back on the ground lol
> 
> Would never probably do it in fairness as I don't fancy getting arrested but hey we can dream what we would love to do if punishment was not a problem to the POSOM! thing is I would most likely feel guilty as hell because I am not a violent person and it is against my core beliefs, but can you make an exception for POSOM hmmmm!!


now , I like this attitude.


----------



## whyeme

I call that my sunny attitude  its all them endorphins rushing round my system after a good long workout!! had a lovely evening with D10 and had lots of fun as well, she doesn't mind me spending an hour working out in fact she encourages me and tells me off if I try to get out of it lol.

Now if I could spend an hour working out 3 hours having fun with D10 then another workout and repeat over and over I think I could stay happy all day lol. Problem is after 1 day I think I would keel over lol!!


----------



## LongWalk

You're doing the right stuff. Having a daughter is a good way to meet people. I've got two teens myself. Some people flaunt their children as an accomplishment. Big deal most anyone can have one. But when people see parent and child who have good communication and an affectionate relationship, they will be attracted to socialize. Ok, not single guys but you don't want to meet them anyways.


----------



## weightlifter

LongWalk said:


> You're doing the right stuff. Having a daughter is a good way to meet people. I've got two teens myself. Some people flaunt their children as an accomplishment. Big deal most anyone can have one. But when people see parent and child who have good communication and an affectionate relationship, they will be attracted to socialize. Ok, not single guys but you don't want to meet them anyways.


LOL. How do you know? 

( sorry whyeme)


----------



## whyeme

Well that was hard, had to take some stuff round to D10 who was staying at her nans house for the night. Knowing that OM and stbxw were shacked up together 100 yards down the road and not going round there to punch the living sh!t out of him took every ounce of strength in me!!!

Proud of myself lol just had to keep thinking of D10 and that I would lose her if I lost it with this POS!!


----------



## weightlifter

But but but.
He kept ramming his face into my fist.

Honest!


----------



## LongWalk

Was did granny say?


----------



## whyeme

I wish weightlifter I wish, I do have a spine and would go round there to kick him in to next week or even better beyond in a heartbeat, but stbxw sits in front of the little coward and protects him always makes me laugh, plus they are both "plastic" cops so you know he wouldn't take it like a man he would just go crying to the pigs as he is a complete coward!!

Longwalk, "granny" was a nice as pie with me, I ironically get on with her quite well now her daughter stopped telling me how horrible she was and how badly she was treated as a child by her, had a 10-15 minute chat with her it was weird!

Spent 2 1/2 hours at the gym today then went to look for last couple of birthday presents for D10 to try and take my mind off missing D10, life feels horrible when she is not here  feeling very very depressed at the moment don't know what to do to cheer myself up!!


----------



## weightlifter

whyeme said:


> Spent 2 1/2 hours at the gym today then went to look for last couple of birthday presents for D10 to try and take my mind off missing D10, life feels horrible when she is not here  feeling very very depressed at the moment don't know what to do to cheer myself up!!


Come here and vent? LOL


----------



## user_zero

whyeme said:


> I wish weightlifter I wish, I do have a spine and would go round there to kick him in to next week or even better beyond in a heartbeat, but stbxw sits in front of the little coward and protects him always makes me laugh, plus they are both "plastic" cops so you know he wouldn't take it like a man he would just go crying to the pigs as he is a complete coward!!
> 
> Longwalk, "granny" was a nice as pie with me, I ironically get on with her quite well now her daughter stopped telling me how horrible she was and how badly she was treated as a child by her, had a 10-15 minute chat with her it was weird!
> 
> Spent 2 1/2 hours at the gym today then went to look for last couple of birthday presents for D10 to try and take my mind off missing D10, life feels horrible when she is not here  feeling very very depressed at the moment don't know what to do to cheer myself up!!


missing loved ones is actually good. it reminds us that the time we have with them is limited. so we must cherish it. use it to it's fullest.


----------



## whyeme

Zero, you are so right there I was so happy when she just walked through the door  

Still hate her being with stbxw her brainwashing powers and constant talking about the baby to D10 is horrible, D10 comes home and insists on slowly telling me things that I really don't want to know about this baby!!

Now she has gone to play out with her friend!!


----------



## user_zero

whyeme said:


> Zero, you are so right there I was so happy when she just walked through the door
> 
> Still hate her being with stbxw her brainwashing powers and constant talking about the baby to D10 is horrible, D10 comes home and insists on slowly telling me things that I really don't want to know about this baby!!
> 
> Now she has gone to play out with her friend!!


what your ex-wife did is wrong on so many levels I can't even begin to describe it. and I think your ex-wife knows it too. she just doesn't want to admit it. I mean like really admit it. I think she's afraid to look into it. she is desperately trying to make everything okay so she couldn't feel any guilt. 
I think about the child of affair and I feel terribly sad. imagine you know you are the result of an affair, a lustful moment not love. imagine you look into mirror and you know every feature you have is a reminder of who your parents were. and what kind of relationship they had. it's a sickening. now I know that with the child's growing, he is going to develop skills to cope with this, but the daily reminders are always there. it's a nightmare he/she cannot wake up from.
now , don't get me wrong. I didn't say this stuff to make you feel guilty or to make you consider getting back with your ex-wife. *I'm strongly against that idea.*
what I'm trying to say is : be careful of which direction you point your anger. if your ex-wife tries to talk about baby with you. just tell her firmly : nothing good would come from this. and if she has any shred of morality left in her, she would respect your decision. 
and if she tries this again, just end the conversation (turn off the phone , walk out , ...) until she gets the message.


----------



## whyeme

I will never hold any resentment to this poor child, it is not its fault and I find it completely wrong to hate or even dis a poor innocent child. I have never and will never slag this child off to my ex or anybody else for that matter because I am firmly in the camp of respecting it as it is the innocent party in this.

The problem is it isn't stbxw who tells me stuff, well she does but we barely speak nowadays I have gone dark except for arranging D10 related things, it is D10 who tells me, the thing is I think she wants somebody to vent it to so she picks me and I just suck it up and take it even though it hurts like hell to hear  

Doesn't help the healing process hearing about this baby and also about how she was on the phone in front of D10 2-3 times today to POSOM and being all lovey dovey with him, she just has no respect for her daughter does she!!

stbxw has said to me a couple of times that she can't think of the past she has to just concentrate on the future and moving forward now, that to me is guilt talking or I think it is as if she thinks about what she has done then she might actually show some remorse (heaven forbid) or even regret (yikes and we don't want that)!!

I hope the pair of them burn in hell for what they have done to my poor little girl and to this poor child they are bringing in to this messed up world, who as you said will know eventually that it is the reason that D10 has lost her family over.

Its a mess, I can't even describe the pain I have, I was stirring dinner in the kitchen and turned round to see my stbxw looking like a pregnant hippo getting D10's things out of the car, it hurt so much to see that probably why I feel so depressed this evening


----------



## user_zero

whyeme said:


> I will never hold any resentment to this poor child, it is not its fault and I find it completely wrong to hate or even dis a poor innocent child. I have never and will never slag this child off to my ex or anybody else for that matter because I am firmly in the camp of respecting it as it is the innocent party in this.
> 
> The problem is it isn't stbxw who tells me stuff, well she does but we barely speak nowadays I have gone dark except for arranging D10 related things, it is D10 who tells me, the thing is I think she wants somebody to vent it to so she picks me and I just suck it up and take it even though it hurts like hell to hear
> 
> Doesn't help the healing process hearing about this baby and also about how she was on the phone in front of D10 2-3 times today to POSOM and being all lovey dovey with him, she just has no respect for her daughter does she!!
> 
> stbxw has said to me a couple of times that she can't think of the past she has to just concentrate on the future and moving forward now, that to me is guilt talking or I think it is as if she thinks about what she has done then she might actually show some remorse (heaven forbid) or even regret (yikes and we don't want that)!!
> 
> I hope the pair of them burn in hell for what they have done to my poor little girl and to this poor child they are bringing in to this messed up world, who as you said will know eventually that it is the reason that D10 has lost her family over.
> 
> Its a mess, I can't even describe the pain I have, I was stirring dinner in the kitchen and turned round to see my stbxw looking like a pregnant hippo getting D10's things out of the car, it hurt so much to see that probably why I feel so depressed this evening


they (ex-wife & OM) will pay for the wrong things they done. leave that part to God. he takes care of it. trust me on that. about not be able to look back, yes I believe it's because of possible tremendous guilt. and because they never look back. they never see their wrong. they never going to grow (as a human) from this, to start the forgiveness process. therefore they gonna have this wrong/weight on their shoulder when they'll go to next world. and this very weight would become their hell.

about D10 (am I allowed to call her that? ) : you've said she vent to you about the baby and other stuff.
when she is doing this , you see this as a way to help your daughter or you see this as a way that your ex-wife is hurting you even more? what you feel depends on how you define/view this. try to see this as "you are the most trusted person to your daughter , so she vents to you". I'm sure you feel better.


----------



## whyeme

Zero,

I trust in god, it sounds from what I have heard like stbxw has learnt nothing, she has starting running up debts again spending ridiculous amounts of money on stupid stuff for the new baby (this is how she originally financially broke us 10 years ago) so should be funny watching them crash and burn!!

I believe D10 tells me these things because she trusts me, stbxw is not clever enough to be doing it to torture me! she is just sort of bragging thinking D10 will start to like her again because of the baby which is probably having the opposite affect.


----------



## VFW

whyeme said:


> I will never hold any resentment to this poor child, it is not its fault and I find it completely wrong to hate or even dis a poor innocent child. I have never and will never slag this child off to my ex or anybody else for that matter because I am firmly in the camp of respecting it as it is the innocent party in this.
> 
> The problem is it isn't stbxw who tells me stuff, well she does but we barely speak nowadays I have gone dark except for arranging D10 related things, it is D10 who tells me, the thing is I think she wants somebody to vent it to so she picks me and I just suck it up and take it even though it hurts like hell to hear (


I know that it is difficult, but will fade in time. What you don't want to do is stifle her communication, she has to be able to vent to you. I know this doesn't make it easy, but nobody said being a dad is easy.


----------



## whyeme

another day! thats all I have to say, it always feel like such a drag every morning to get up 

Oh well at least its church today and I get to see my gorgeous church friend, for some reason that doesn't seem to be inspiring me today though but hopefully that will change once I get there!


----------



## Shaggy

I can't remember have you posted OM on cheaterville? Doesn't be belong there to document his crime?


----------



## Chaparral

Have you told your wife to only communicate with you by text or email? If I were you I would not want to hear her voice, plus it sends a message.

Talk to D 10 about your dating. She may encourage you and you won't have to hide. It is the best way to get over a cheating wife.


----------



## TDSC60

whyeme said:


> Zero,
> 
> I trust in god, it sounds from what I have heard like stbxw has learnt nothing, she has starting running up debts again spending ridiculous amounts of money on stupid stuff for the new baby (this is how she originally financially broke us 10 years ago) so should be funny watching them crash and burn!!
> 
> I believe D10 tells me these things because she trusts me, stbxw is not clever enough to be doing it to torture me! she is just sort of bragging thinking D10 will start to like her again because of the baby which is probably having the opposite affect.


D10 is smart enough to understand that you were replaced by OM and that she was replaced by the baby. Once the baby is born D10 will not want to be anywhere around it. The constant reminder of how her mother walked away from her in favor of OM and his baby will upset her for years to come.

But she sounds like a smart kid who is mature beyond her years. She will be OK. Just do not try to push her into a relationship with her half-sibling.


----------



## whyeme

No, keep meaning to post him on cheaterville needed to get a picture of the piece of scum and then it will be done  !

Yeah D10 was out with her mum, cousin nan and aunt yesterday where they were going on and on about this baby and buying it stuff whilst D10 was being pretty much left out. Felt sorry for her to be honest but what can I do, she has to have some sort of visitation with her Mum but her Mum cant understand why D10 doesn't like the baby and is angry with her along with the rest of her rotten family.

Are people that messed up that this is all acceptable behaviour nowadays or is it just stbxw and her weird family!!!


----------



## LongWalk

I agree with previous poster. Time will lessen the smart. You will survive. Take care of your health. Find distractions. The pain will not end all at once. You must cope with the birth of the new child. Your ex will just be that strange woman to whom I was once married and the mother of D10.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Sounds like your wife is overcompensating and is going to ruin her relationship with D10. 



> Are people that messed up that this is all acceptable behaviour nowadays or is it just stbxw and her weird family!!!


You are speaking through anger and the eyes of an angry child.
OF course, it is normal to get ready for a new baby. That's her family, you are a demon. Also, your daughter is old enough to make everything sound a 100 times worse than it is. No, I am not calling her a liar. I was an only child and EVERYTHING changes when you become a sibling.


----------



## weightlifter

Pic source. FB. If he has settings set to friends of friends... Right click!


----------



## whyeme

Weightlifter,

I know that is where I was going to get it from! POSOM blocked me on Facebook very early on just after I found out about the affair because he is a coward and was afraid I would attempt to communicate with the piece of scum so need to set up a new account and see what I can find.


----------



## whyeme

Right scum bag is posted on Cheaterville  made me feel soooo good doing that did!!


----------



## WyshIknew

whyeme said:


> Right scum bag is posted on Cheaterville  made me feel soooo good doing that did!!







link?



Understand if you don't want to but the peeps on TAM can bump up the hit count. Don't put his name here as it could be searched and your thread found.


----------



## whyeme

Here you go

The scumbag

I got a kick out of setting his sexual status to bisexual, well any bloke who is obsessed by WWE wrestling to the point he knows every single "wrestlers" intro song or whatever they are (never watched it to be honest) has to have something a bit wrong with them! I mean come on it is grown men hugging each other in leotards ffs its just wrong and its fake!!


----------



## azteca1986

whyeme said:


> Here you go
> 
> The scumbag
> 
> I got a kick out of setting his sexual status to bisexual, well any bloke who is obsessed by WWE wrestling to the point he knows every single "wrestlers" intro song or whatever they are (never watched it to be honest) has to have something a bit wrong with them! I mean come on it is grown men hugging each other in leotards ffs its just wrong and its fake!!


Ha ha! It is the worst acting, with the worst actors in the history of the World. It is not 'sport'.

ETD: Nice pic of the POSOM. He looks like an absolute plant pot.


----------



## manfromlamancha

What a twat! Well done mate and stay strong! Stafford huh ? OK


----------



## manfromlamancha

Or should I say Stone huh ?


----------



## whyeme

Yeah it was the only public pic he had on Facebook so had to roll with it!! but yeah he looks like a [email protected] there you should see him in real life he looks even worse lol!!

I do at least feel like I am better looking than him by a long shot as he looks really goofy, in fact when stbxw introduced him to me as a just a friend she even said that about him, she showed him to me and said he was no real threat lol!! I do look a lot better than him especially now I have lost so much weight  just need to keep working out and make the rest of this fat disappear then I can hopefully get myself a little hottie!!


lol manfrom take it you looked him on on Facebook he is from Stafford but lives in Stone now with stbxw thought more people would relate to Stafford than the little backwater village of Stone!!


----------



## manfromlamancha

Yes I did - really feel for you. Your stbxw is really delusional. What does he do for a living ? Just in case I happen to be in one of the Karma buses that can affect things.

Cheers.


----------



## whyeme

He is a PCSO in Telford at the moment like her, they met at the PCSO training they did earlier this year and he was her training partner, he is about to go to Nottingham to be a supposed real Police wanker though shortly.

Lets see how they get on with night shifts a baby and him having a 55 mile commute each way each day lol!!


----------



## LongWalk

whyeme said:


> Here you go
> 
> The scumbag
> 
> I got a kick out of setting his sexual status to bisexual, well any bloke who is obsessed by WWE wrestling to the point he knows every single "wrestlers" intro song or whatever they are (never watched it to be honest) has to have something a bit wrong with them! I mean come on it is grown men hugging each other in leotards ffs its just wrong and its fake!!


Whyeme,

I read the Cheaterville post. I suggest you rewrite it and remove all vitriol and moral judgment. Limit the piece to just a few facts remove all reference to your daughter's state of mind. 

Remove all the name calling. Do not call him bisexual. His profile pic with the mask is great. A picture says a thousand words.

Do not attache specific dates to the pregnancy because who knows whether it was two weeks or three.

By writing is in calmer less embittered tone, the Cheaterville post will be more like a blade of steel. The current tone has too much of I am the loser in this feeling. You are going to detach from her and you can do that in the is CV post. Write it like a short news report.


----------



## whyeme

Longwalk, good idea I have removed it for now and will rewrite!! It is hard not to post what a piece of scum he is though lol!!


----------



## manfromlamancha

whyeme said:


> He is a PCSO in Telford at the moment like her, they met at the PCSO training they did earlier this year and he was her training partner, he is about to go to Nottingham to be a supposed real Police wanker though shortly.
> 
> Lets see how they get on with night shifts a baby and him having a 55 mile commute each way each day lol!!


The PCSO role: "a unique role designed purely to tackle local anti-social behaviour and issues affecting the quality of life."

Yeah right! Prize wanker more like! I for one, liked your cheaterville post but the others here have more experience on how to handle this. Should out this to the Nottingham constabulary - they might take a dim view of his behaviour!


----------



## whyeme

Yeah, I liked it but have rewritten it with less anger and took out the D10 stuff  although I have left some bits in it as I think some of it needs to be said such as the fact he is a coward!!

Love that description of the PCSO role! yes they have really increased the quality of life for my daughter by removing her mum although me on the other hand am fitter than I have been in 10 years physically (although mentally is tough and go lol).

Will repost the link once it gets approved!


----------



## bandit.45

Good for you Whyme. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

Well it finally got approved!!! here is the less angry version of the Cheaterville page 

Scumbag's R us


----------



## jennyh80

How old is your wife? As it reads the guy is 25 and you've been married 11 years. I take it she is way older than him?

I read somewhere that the profession with the most infidelities for men is a police officer.


----------



## whyeme

yes she is 31 (nearly 32) he just turned 25 a couple of weeks ago so yeah bit of an age gap gives her plenty of time to screw his life up!!

Had her on the phone earlier giving me grief as usual! love how apparently I am not taking care of D10 properly because when she went round her Nans Friday night her hair was greasy and needed a good wash, she had been swimming at school that day so of course it needed a good was but as they picked her up from school not much I could do!!

Women go figure!!


----------



## Nucking Futs

Too bad he has such a common name.


----------



## whyeme

I know thats why I included his nickname  hopefully that will help him out a little bit as that is probably how he gets people to find him with his normal name!!

Its good fun, he can be voted for cheater of the day today so everybody please get voting  !!


----------



## jack.c

whyeme said:


> I know thats why I included his nickname  hopefully that will help him out a little bit as that is probably how he gets people to find him with his normal name!!
> 
> Its good fun, he can be voted for cheater of the day today so everybody please get voting  !!



yep! gave my vote!!


----------



## LongWalk

The CV post is much better.

who's should be whose


----------



## whyeme

Cheers Longwalk thought that was a bit better yeah I have spelling issues occasionally  !!

I really hope he wins cheater of the day as I would piss myself laughing !!! 

Had a long conversation with stbxw over the phone yesterday, looks like life is not all rosey and perfect  made me happy to hear that so the grass is not greener on the other side as these idiots make out. Hopefully they both have a miserable life together they deserve it!!


----------



## Chaparral

The link isn't working, did you take it down?


----------



## whyeme

Yeah reposted it as per Longwalk recommendation so the link is now

http://tinyurl.com/o3p2dan


----------



## Nucking Futs

Chaparral said:


> The link isn't working, did you take it down?


It worked for me, I just voted.


----------



## manfromlamancha

Yes, worked for me too. I voted too and left a comment.


----------



## turnera

I get "no longer here"


----------



## Shaggy

It worked for me just fine.

So at 25 the posom is gonna have a baby and is gonna be tied down every night with her and the kid.

Anyone want to bet that he's cheating on her in a few months?


----------



## whyeme

I hope so Shaggy would be the ultimate karma for me! that would show her what she did to me. Probably not on the same scale as what she did to me me as 11 years compared to a few months is a bit of a difference but here is hoping I just can't see them staying together long term!


----------



## whyeme

I have redone the link on my original post with it so hopefully that sorts it for you guys.

Here it is again just in case http://tinyurl.com/o3p2dan

PS I only used Tiny URL it so that if Google or search engines crawl they won't find the original URL if they type the URL in !!


----------



## jennyh80

Why not post your wife there too? I mean, in the end she's the one who cheated on you.


----------



## Decorum

Tried it from my phone, not found, Ill try to vote from my laptop later.

Hang in there Whyeme, it sounds like you are gonna be alright.

whats that thread where Conrad and Mavash help (gutpunch?) Set boundaries for conversations with his ex, its a great read. Might be helpful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## manfromlamancha

whyeme said:


> Well it finally got approved!!! here is the less angry version of the Cheaterville page
> 
> Scumbag's R us


This one in post 429 works for me.


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> Cheers Longwalk thought that was a bit better yeah I have spelling issues occasionally  !!
> 
> I really hope he wins cheater of the day as I would piss myself laughing !!!
> 
> Had a long conversation with stbxw over the phone yesterday, looks like life is not all rosey and perfect  made me happy to hear that so the grass is not greener on the other side as these idiots make out. Hopefully they both have a miserable life together they deserve it!!


Whyme why the hell do you even let her talk to you about her sorry azz life ? I'd hang up on her the minute she starts that sh!t. You're not her father confessor. You're not her friend. You need to start making it clear to her that you are moving on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Decorum

Thanks mflm but I cant get past the span test dang it.
ill try on my laptop later, droid fail.

yeah, thats what I was thinking bandit, he dosent have to be hostile, just (how do they say it), cool, firm, dispassionate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

To be honest it was interesting to listen to / laugh at the mess she has making of her life, makes me feel better in a way lol as I could see how good my life is getting and how [email protected] hers is becoming !!

Cheers for the votes guys and I will post stbxw on there 1 day but she is a big enough embarrassment to my daughter and I don't want to add more to the list plus if I did it she would probably get in loads of crap at work as people do look her up on the Internet due to one of her job roles!


----------



## bandit.45

Interesting that your STBXW has not heard about the CV posting yet. I would imagine when she does all hell will break loose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> *To be honest it was interesting to listen to / laugh at the mess she has making of her life*, makes me feel better in a way lol as I could see how good my life is getting and how [email protected] hers is becoming !!


Well, what does she say is happening? Share her pain with us. We need a chuckle or two.


----------



## happyman64

bandit.45 said:


> Interesting that your STBXW has not heard about the CV posting yet. I would imagine when she does all hell will break loose.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandit

Whyeme's wife would have to pull her head out of her OM's @ss in order to see the CV link.

She has a legitimate excuse! 

HM


----------



## LongWalk

Shame about JS's CV post being removed twice.

Whyeme's POSOM looks like a wanker. He'll love paying child support for the next 19 years.


----------



## bandit.45

happyman64 said:


> Bandit
> 
> Whyeme's wife would have to pull her head out of her OM's @ss in order to see the CV link.
> 
> She has a legitimate excuse!
> 
> HM


You have a point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jennyh80

It struck me as I read the first post again that maybe that miscarriage was intentional on your wife's part?


----------



## whyeme

Well he made it to cheater of the day  cheers everybody for the votes.

It is D10 or should I now say D11's birthday today so not a very good day for me as I find the whole thing quite depressing  holding the brave face and faking till I make it but it is so damn hard! we were always so close as a family on her birthday so it being torn apart like this is just heart breaking.

With regards to my call the other night, she just went on how they will have no money and how she can't afford this and that and that she misses D11 and hates she won't talk to her.

Its hard not to want to say you made your bed now lie in it, the other thing I don't get is 1 minute she is like that the next she seems to be all happy with the new baby and OM its just weird! how can somebody act like that is what I want to know?


----------



## azteca1986

whyeme said:


> Its hard not to want to say you made your bed now lie in it, the other thing I don't get is 1 minute she is like that the next she seems to be all happy with the new baby and OM its just weird! how can somebody act like that is what I want to know?


It's called 'putting on a brave face' whilst she, and you and your daughter to a lesser degree, eats the sh*t sandwich she prepared for you all.

I hope your daughter has a wonderful birthday (at least as best she can under the circumstances).


----------



## user_zero

whyeme said:


> Well he made it to cheater of the day  cheers everybody for the votes.
> 
> It is D10 or should I now say D11's birthday today so not a very good day for me as I find the whole thing quite depressing  holding the brave face and faking till I make it but it is so damn hard! we were always so close as a family on her birthday so it being torn apart like this is just heart breaking.


yes it's hard. and with each year passing by this dates would be come much easier. so the first time is the hardest. make sure you have a plan for you and your daughter to enjoy her birthday.



whyeme said:


> With regards to my call the other night, she just went on how they will have no money and how she can't afford this and that and that she misses D11 and hates she won't talk to her.


all I'm hearing from your ex-wife is : ME,ME,ME,..... 
she is selfish. even when she is talking about D10, she doesn't seem to care about your daughter's feelings ... only hates it that D10 doesn't talk to her.



whyeme said:


> Its hard not to want to say you made your bed now lie in it, the other thing I don't get is 1 minute she is like that the next she seems to be all happy with the new baby and OM its just weird! how can somebody act like that is what I want to know?


somebody who isn't in her right frame of mind. mood swings is a sign of not be able to handle the result (to take responsibility) of her actions. she is switching between seeing the filled part of glass and emptied part of glass. she can't see the emptied part but she can't ignore it either. 

I don't think your ex-wife is worth any kind of mental/emotional/financial investment.


----------



## weightlifter

Just curious Whyeme.

Is he some kind of half cop or something? He kind of looks like I could kick his ass.

here in the NE US a lot of the cops are roiders taking MA classes during their time off. Complete with military hair cuts and a lack of anger management classes. The difference between a cop and a Mafia guy is the badge. Does work to an advantage tho. Criminals from the inner city coming to the burbs "have accidents" to encourage them to go back the hood. Keeps the burbs exceedingly quiet. Any cop here could beat the living crap out of me with 1 hand.


----------



## whyeme

Yes he is a PCSO at the moment or as the "real" cops call them Plastic police officers as they have no rights to arrest or do anything, they are purely defensive and not offensive from an ability point of view. They are there to serve as a community presence for anti social behaviour (kids being kids basically) but he is going to be a "real" cop next year apparently.

I could seriously kick his a$$ if I got the chance, I nearly did get to confront him once but he was in his car and when I stood in front of it he [email protected] himself reversed it, nearly crashed in to a fence and sped off! I have never seen somebody have that look on their face lol after all the Combat and strength training I have done the last 3 months he would most likely end up 6 feet under if I saw him now 

He is a pathetic piece of scum so perfect for stbxw, I hope he turns out to be a typical piece of Police scum infidelity and wife beating is in the job description isn't it?


----------



## BK23

whyeme said:


> Well he made it to cheater of the day  cheers everybody for the votes.
> 
> It is D10 or should I now say D11's birthday today so not a very good day for me as I find the whole thing quite depressing  holding the brave face and faking till I make it but it is so damn hard! we were always so close as a family on her birthday so it being torn apart like this is just heart breaking.
> 
> With regards to my call the other night, she just went on how they will have no money and how she can't afford this and that and that she misses D11 and hates she won't talk to her.
> 
> Its hard not to want to say you made your bed now lie in it, the other thing I don't get is 1 minute she is like that the next she seems to be all happy with the new baby and OM its just weird! how can somebody act like that is what I want to know?


You need to cease all communication with your wife not related to the divorce or D11. 

Can't you see that these little talks set you back? It's obvious to a stranger on the Internet an ocean away. Moreover, you are letting her use you. Everytime she gets you on that phone to vent or to brag (depending on her mood) she is getting off on your continued support.


----------



## bandit.45

I agree with BK. Quit talking to her. As long as you do she feels she has her hooks in you, and she does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jennyh80

whyeme said:


> Yes he is a PCSO at the moment or as the "real" cops call them Plastic police officers as they have no rights to arrest or do anything, they are purely defensive and not offensive from an ability point of view. They are there to serve as a community presence for anti social behaviour (kids being kids basically) but he is going to be a "real" cop next year apparently.
> 
> I could seriously kick his a$$ if I got the chance, I nearly did get to confront him once but he was in his car and when I stood in front of it he [email protected] himself reversed it, nearly crashed in to a fence and sped off! I have never seen somebody have that look on their face lol after all the Combat and strength training I have done the last 3 months he would most likely end up 6 feet under if I saw him now
> 
> He is a pathetic piece of scum so perfect for stbxw, I hope he turns out to be a typical piece of Police scum infidelity and wife beating is in the job description isn't it?


Hey, I see you have an opinion about pig cops. Maybe you can throw a comment in my thread http://talkaboutmarriage.com/politics-religion/131130-police-brutality.html which is avoid of any comments currently. Thanks!


----------



## whyeme

Very painful evening I really do hope you guys are right and this gets better after the first year! in an hour it is my daughters official birthday this is where me and stbxw would go in to her room and wish her happy birthday at the time she was born.

Not looking forward to doing this on my own  have managed to keep my sh!t together all evening but this could be the bit that breaks me!!


----------



## bandit.45

Get out of the house. Being alone at a time like this is the worst thing you can do. Go to a pub and hang out and talk to people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## azteca1986

whyeme said:


> Not looking forward to doing this on my own  have managed to keep my sh!t together all evening but this could be the bit that breaks me!!


Do you best mate. No one can expect anymore of you. It's understandable if you're emotional.


----------



## Nucking Futs

bandit.45 said:


> Get out of the house. Being alone at a time like this is the worst thing you can do. Go to a pub and hang out and talk to people.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is he supposed to take his 11 year old daughter to this pub to hang out and talk to people on her birthday? Weird way to celebrate.


----------



## whyeme

lol I survived it, got to say I am crying like an idiot now but I held it in front of her and she is back asleep now so I am allowed to let my emotions out 

Well hopefully now today is over I can start moving on up again now as the last week building up to this has been horrific, well until Christmas but thankfully that is a long way away well in emotional taking it day by day time it is!!


----------



## azteca1986

I had every faith you'd keep it together as long as you had to. Another difficult milestone successfully negotiated. Good man.


----------



## bandit.45

Nucking Futs said:


> Is he supposed to take his 11 year old daughter to this pub to hang out and talk to people on her birthday? Weird way to celebrate.


I thought she was with her mom. Disregard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

Well woke up this morning feeling pretty good, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders! amazing what a calendar date does to you even a few days up to it.

At least onwards and upwards again, no more dates before christmas now


----------



## jack.c

your D has her birthday the same of my D.  
MINE TURNED 14 !


----------



## Chaparral

Quit talking to your wife. No man in his right mind would have anything to do with her ever again. You daughter, at eleven years old, has more sense than you and your ex put together.

Move on and help your daughter move on. Your ex should be dead to you, why isn't she ?


----------



## whyeme

That is easier said than done! D11 last night told her mum she didn't want to see her anymore. Its very sad and I don't know what to do if anything about it, life is just one large mess at the moment with a microscopic light at the end of the tunnel!!!


----------



## weightlifter

whyeme said:


> That is easier said than done! D11 last night told her mum she didn't want to see her anymore. Its very sad and I don't know what to do if anything about it, life is just one large mess at the moment with a microscopic light at the end of the tunnel!!!


Random theory. Your daughter is unusually visual for a female and seeing her mom's preggo belly not only reminds her of her family being broken up, but also perhaps she is being replaced. 

She IS an only child...

With you there is only one. her. With mom... soon to be two and that one will be at her breast alot.


----------



## bandit.45

Whyme.....get this through that thick fvcking Limey skull of yours:

QUIT TRYING TO FIX WHAT CANNOT BE FIXED!

You cannot fix this for your daughter! You can't. This was a freight train piloted by your psycho wife that slammed into your family and destroyed it. All you and your daughter can do is rummage through the wreckage, salvage what can be used, and move forward. Quit reacting to your daughter's interactions with her mom. That evil thing is not your wife anymore. No need to play interference.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nucking Futs

bandit.45 said:


> Whyme.....get this through that thick fvcking Limey skull of yours:
> 
> QUIT TRYING TO FIX WHAT CANNOT BE FIXED!
> 
> You cannot fix this for your daughter! You can't. This was a freight train piloted by your psycho wife that slammed into your family and destroyed it. All you and your daughter can do is rummage through the wreckage, salvage what can be used, and move forward. Quit reacting to your daughter's interactions with her mom. That evil thing is not your wife anymore. No need to play interference.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whoa, Bandit brought the lumber!


----------



## Chaparral

whyeme said:


> That is easier said than done! D11 last night told her mum she didn't want to see her anymore. Its very sad and I don't know what to do if anything about it, life is just one large mess at the moment with a microscopic light at the end of the tunnel!!!


Exactly what I told you. Your daughter has all the brains in your family. You are moping around for a wife, that according to your posts, has never been normal. Think of it this way, God has seen your predicament, the one you probably ignored your gut on in the first place and married her anyway, and is gtanting you and your daughter a do over. Next time, when a woman shows you who she really is, believe her. If her family is a bunch of low hanging friut, keep moving.


----------



## Chaparral

Watch a movie with your daughter. Get the WIZARD OF OZ, at your daughter's age she will love it. My daughter watched it so often it was amazing. She had props and acted out the movie as it played.

The reason I picked Oz is that your wife is in the movie. She's the one dressed in black.


----------



## bandit.45

I always wanted to be one of those flying monkeys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Decorum

The wizard of Oz, LOL.
OP, ha ha, you are being offered a dose of high potency detachment inoculation until your own anti bodies build up.

Just in case you need to juice the attitude a bit.

"Ill get you my pretty, and your little dog Toto too!"

Scary.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Decorum said:


> The wizard of Oz, LOL.
> OP, ha ha, you are being offered a dose of high potency detachment inoculation until your own anti bodies build up.
> 
> Just in case you need to juice the attitude a bit.
> 
> "Ill get you my pretty, and your little dog Toto too!"
> 
> What the hell was the witch going to do to Dorothy when that sand ran out? Ever think of that?
> Scary.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

Cheers guys, made me smile a bit lol! Just come back from London after spending the weekend there with D11 and my parents as we went down to visit my little brother. Had a lot of fun and saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory "the musical" which was a lot of fun, never been to a musical so was a bit different!!

shattered today though! had stbxw texting me and telling me she would like us to be friends and she feels she is missing out on D11 growing up, you guys will be proud of me I gave her the "I will never be friends with you, friends do not do what you did to me" speech which made me feel better. 

I mean wtf, that is a serious dose of crazy that "I want to be friends" I don't think so, if she was a friend what the hell does that make an enemy look like. I was thinking it was more "I want to be friends" and kiss your ars3 so that D11 thinks I am nice to her Dad and then she might speak to me again. I will not be used and I am not stupid, despite what she thinks!!

She also on D11 birthday told me she wished the baby inside her was mine, I mean is she f00ked in the head or what!! she also keeps saying sorry over and over again, my response back is that sorry means nothing to me it is just a word to make her feel better.

Wish I could go totally dark to be honest but I can't because of D11!!


----------



## user_zero

whyeme said:


> Cheers guys, made me smile a bit lol! Just come back from London after spending the weekend there with D11 and my parents as we went down to visit my little brother. Had a lot of fun and saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory "the musical" which was a lot of fun, never been to a musical so was a bit different!!
> 
> shattered today though! had stbxw texting me and telling me she would like us to be friends and she feels she is missing out on D11 growing up, you guys will be proud of me I gave her the "*I will never be friends with you, friends do not do what you did to me*" speech which made me feel better.
> 
> I mean wtf, that is a serious dose of crazy that "I want to be friends" I don't think so,* if she was a friend what the hell does that make an enemy look like*. I was thinking it was more "I want to be friends" and kiss your ars3 so that D11 thinks I am nice to her Dad and then she might speak to me again. I will not be used and I am not stupid, despite what she thinks!!
> 
> She also on D11 birthday told me she wished the baby inside her was mine, I mean is she f00ked in the head or what!! she also keeps saying sorry over and over again, my response back is that sorry means nothing to me it is just a word to make her feel better.
> 
> Wish I could go totally dark to be honest but I can't because of D11!!


There , you go ....... I give you high five on that. :smthumbup:
I wonder why she is not focusing on healing her relationship with D11 on her end. I bet she never told D11 that she is sorry for things she's done. but expects you to make her look good.


----------



## happyman64

Whyeme

Stay firm with the Ex.

She is going to get crazier as she gets closer to her due date.

HM


----------



## whyeme

Cheers HM, something to look forward to 

She is having it rough from D11 from what she has said to me when she visited on D11 Birthday. D11 gives her a lot of grief via text message and pretty much tells her what she thinks of her, it is the only way she can talk to her because she refuses to speak on the phone!

Think I need to get out there looking now, need to build my confidence up first but I have noticed a few women sneaking me little looks in shops and on the train which builds it up a bit and makes me feel a little less like a loser. I do initiate conversations with women whilst waiting for BODYCOMBAT classes at the gym which is good and seems to work, there are some nice women there and we have something in common at least which makes it easier to talk to them!!


----------



## turnera

whyeme said:


> Wish I could go totally dark to be honest but I can't because of D11!!


I'm not buying it.

Honestly, there is a LOT you can do in that area. You can set up a Google calendar and tell her any communications about D11 are to be sent through that email and put in that calendar; you will monitor it, but you will no longer text with or speak to her. Especially with a kid that old. If she ever WERE to call, you could just pick up the phone and hand it directly to D11 (where she is free to hang it back up if she chooses) - voila! You NEVER have to speak to her again.


----------



## user_zero

whyeme said:


> Cheers HM, something to look forward to
> 
> She is having it rough from D11 from what she has said to me when she visited on D11 Birthday. D11 gives her a lot of grief via text message and pretty much tells her what she thinks of her, it is the only way she can talk to her because she refuses to speak on the phone!
> 
> Think I need to get out there looking now, need to build my confidence up first but I have noticed a few women sneaking me little looks in shops and on the train which builds it up a bit and *makes me feel a little less like a loser*. I do initiate conversations with women whilst waiting for BODYCOMBAT classes at the gym which is good and seems to work, there are some nice women there and we have something in common at least which makes it easier to talk to them!!


whyme,

YOU ARE NOT A LOSER! 

a loser is someone who has lost something valuable without realizing the true value of it. and that's not you.

the real loser is your ex-wife. she lost her marriage. she lost the respect of her husband and her daughter. she lost the amazing experiences she could have with you and your daughter as a family. she lost the good image she had in your, your daughter , even her own mind. she even lost the respect of her own child which hasn't come into this world yet. she lost a lot more than she understands.  believe me. 

and let me give you an advice. never let something (people and your relationship with them, ....) that can be lost so easily determine value of your character as a human being or as a man. that would be extreme cruelty toward yourself. your actions and the effect of your actions determine your character and so far you did awesome.

PS: I read hundreds of threads on TAM, LS, ... for the past (almost) 3 years. and I'm telling you , you handled your situation better than most. you should give yourself more credit.


----------



## BK23

Good man. Glad to hear you aren't taking that BS. Next step is to not engage your ex at all. She texts? Delete it! She calls, don't answer!

It's pretty straightforward.


----------



## whyeme

D11 has her own mobile phone, she is just hurling abuse at her mum though and ignoring her calls from what stbxw has said. 

Problem I have is she password protected me out and I cannot get the password tried all sorts, the damn thing is a Nokia symbian and I have been unable to get around the security code or get D11 to give me the code and no point in wiping it as then I will not know whats been said.

stbxw is trying to use me as a conduit and throws a paddy if I don't speak to her and threatens me with courts and the usual so I end up having to speak to her


----------



## turnera

Password for what?


----------



## turnera

whyeme said:


> stbxw is trying to use me as a conduit and throws a paddy if I don't speak to her and threatens me with courts


So?

You're making excuses to stay in the drama because it feeds your ego.


----------



## bfree

Whyme, she cannot force you to force your daughter to be nice to her. No court is going to tell an 11 year old how to feel. You are only a conduit if you allow yourself to be treated as one. In this case your use of the word conduit is akin to the word doormat. Refuse to be either.


----------



## 86857

whyeme said:


> stbxw is trying to use me as a conduit and throws a paddy if I don't speak to her and threatens me with courts and the usual so I end up having to speak to her


You're going really well whyme with the help of all your pals on here.
What's wrong with email contact only? Most of us have email on our cell phones these days. Do D11 & ex-wifey?
Courts would buy it no problemo if it came to that. 
You could tell them that you get so overcome with grief when ex-wifey phones that you sob so much she can't understand what you are saying. heh heh! 

PS If it's text then you can ignore all of hers except the ones about arrangements for D11. And make yours as short as possible, no hi's or bye's, eg "School, 9:00am PT meeting" Anything longer can go in an email.


----------



## happyman64

Whyeme

I understand the loser feeling but when you make the conscious decision to step back from all the drama eventually you will realize that the nonsense has very little to do with you and mostly with your Ex.

When she threatens you just tell her "I am sorry you feel that way but you made this mess so you fix it!".

So make that decision. Focus on you. Get in your head that you did nothing wrong, stupid people do stupid hurtful things and families get demolished in the process.

That does not mean as the Battered Spouse that you do not have your own homework to do as you well know.

But you have to make the conscious decision to get your head and heart in the right place and poiinted in the right direction.

Only until then, will you be able to focus on your family and eventually your future social/love life.

So take a step back. Evaluate. Make the tough decisions. Tell your Ex to solve her own problems.

Keep treating your D as an adult but don't give her too much slack.

Like any kid she will keep making excuses if you let her.

It will get better WhyeMe in good time.

HM


----------



## weightlifter

She now wishes the baby is yours.

Damn! Dude sorry. hang in there bud.

Anyone else starting to hear the song "They're coming to take me away haha" when the stbxw is mentioned?


----------



## whyeme

She is fishing for D11 which is what I thought but I had a chat with her last night where I pretty much told her what I think of her, she started with the I am sorry crap to which I said "sorry means nothing to me it is an empty word that makes you feel better", she has come up with this wonderful plan because D11 has apparently told her what she misses about her been gone one of which was her being put together by me and stbxw so her new plan is to sleep around the stbxw mums house with D11 as apparently that will make her feel better lol

What goes through these people's mind, it is obvious D11 was not saying that she wants her Mum to be there when she goes to bed it is that she misses her family and some of the things they used to do together! 

I am about to go dark on her, I have had enough of her BS as well as hearing crap, fake apologies and that she never wanted to hurt me it is getting very boring all words in my eyes as her actions all show the opposite!!

Wish she would just get hit by the Karma bus nice and hard to be honest!!


----------



## whyeme

Ok guys, you would have been proud of me I spoke to stbxw wife this morning and laid down the law.

I have told her I cannot speak to her anymore, that I will not be used as a pawn and that although I do still love her there is nothing I can do to help her and I will not support or do anything for her whilst she is with OM end of story. I also advised that she should not look at the courts as I am not going to deny her access, if her and D11 want to see each other every day then that is fine they can arrange that and if D11 doesn't want to see her again that is up to her, she has agreed not to blame me anymore for that and to stop threatening me! 

I have advised her to contact D11 directly to make arrangements for visiting etc... but I will not have anything to do with her anymore that is speaking, text or in person. The only form of contact she can have with me is via text and that anything other than about D11 will be ignored and deleted.

Feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now to get on with life


----------



## jack.c

Finaly!


----------



## weightlifter

Methinks a corner has been turned.


----------



## azteca1986

whyeme said:


> I have told her I cannot speak to her anymore, that I will not be used as a pawn and that although I do still love her there is nothing I can do to help her and I will not support or do anything for her *whilst she is with OM* end of story.


Your latest post was encouraging, this bit is a little concerning. It's not your job to rescue WW from the mess she's got herself in. She unilaterally fired you from the position, remember? Don't tell you'll be there for her if she drops OM, or OM ducks his responsibilities. It's not your job anymore. It's not your job to improve WW relationship with her daughter. This is the fallout when WW followed her dream. Let her live it.

Limiting the scope of your communication with WW is an excellent move. Now work on yourself. Too many husbands are put in the situation you're in now. Read their threads. They work on themselves and come out better and stronger.



> Feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now to get on with life


Good stuff. Get on it.


----------



## whyeme

I didn't say I would take her back, I said I would have no contact with her whilst she is with OM which is true I won't, I am also stepping back from assisting with D11 and her that is her problem now. 

Strange I don't actually feel sad about it even after doing it I didn't, maybe the pain will set in later or maybe I truly have turned a corner only time will tell!!


----------



## LongWalk

Your daughter is the borderline age where courts make custody decisions taking into account the child's will. You could win full custody based on your daughter's strong feelings.

Contact with your WW is not good for you and there is no reason that you should have to do it can be avoided. Can you get a social worker to be the person mediating between D11 and her mother?

Your self confidence will return, perhaps even taking you to a higher place than ever in your life. You survived a horrific test.

You are an honest person. There will always be room for an honest man in some honest woman's life.


----------



## whyeme

According to my solicitor I should be able to get full custody if I wanted to, according to them at her age she is able to make her own decisions but I don't really want to drag her through the court if I can help it.

At the moment all has gone quiet so fingers crossed it will stay that way!!

Feeling a little down but just need to try and hold my head up high now hopefully the worst is over now!!


----------



## Decorum

whyeme said:


> She also on D11 birthday told me she wished the baby inside her was mine, I mean is she f00ked in the head or what!! she also keeps saying sorry over and over again, my response back is that sorry means nothing to me it is just a word to make her feel better.



You know what I just realized having read this, if you throw up in your mouth a little bit right after drinking some Irish cream coffee it tastes a bit like the wasabi spread you put on Sushi. Only cheaper.


----------



## illwill

Just to clarify, you are not taking her back, even if she leaves om?


----------



## whyeme

At the moment she won't leave OM, he is "wonderful" lol and every day that goes by the love I have for her is slowly (very slowlyy) fading. 

I am slowly starting to feel better about the future just hoping it gets a little better soon


----------



## bfree

So the OM is wonderful but she wishes it was your baby she was carrying? Huh?


----------



## happyman64

bfree said:


> So the OM is wonderful but she wishes it was your baby she was carrying? Huh?


Makes sense to me.

She is a cheater.
She is a liar.
She is pregnant with OM's baby.
Hormones must be going nuts in her body.

Yeah....makes sense to me.......

Stay your distance Whyeme. And I hope your D does not one day write her mother 100% off because it will just lead to more drama that you get pulled into.

HM


----------



## manfromlamancha

whyeme said:


> At the moment she won't leave OM, he is "wonderful" lol and every day that goes by the love I have for her is slowly (very slowlyy) fading.
> 
> I am slowly starting to feel better about the future just hoping it gets a little better soon


I am glad that you are getting on with your life and believe me the so called Karma bus will hit her hard soon - you and I know that this will not work out with this scumbag and then where will she be?

In the meantime has there been any reaction to his Cheaterville posting ?


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Is there any point?*



happyman64 said:


> Makes sense to me.
> 
> She is a cheater.
> She is a liar.
> She is pregnant with OM's baby.
> Hormones must be going nuts in her body.
> 
> Yeah....makes sense to me.......
> 
> Stay your distance Whyeme. And I hope your D does not one day write her mother 100% off because it will just lead to more drama that you get pulled into.
> 
> HM


Yeah, that hormone baloney doesn't fly. Hormones don't completely override common sense and logic. If that is the case then we'd better kick all the women out of power positions for fear that they go psycho with hormones.


----------



## whyeme

In some ways I do hope stbxw and D11 reconnect when the dust settles, maybe once she sees me with somebody new and happy she might see her Mum again although she still hates OM so that might not happen. She has said that if stbxw and OM split up that she would spend 50% of the week with her mum.

OM was not very happy with the cheaterville post, I informed stbxw a few days ago thought it would be funny to see if he has any sort of reaction!! still too much of a coward to dare come near me though 

It might hopefully affect his career if anybody searches for him as they might to see who their local police officer is  it currently ranks as 5 and 6 for his name with nickname in Google search results which is good enough for me!

I do hope they split up I would laugh so hard because OM deserves to go through some pain just like I have!


----------



## user_zero

whyeme said:


> I do hope they split up I would laugh so hard because OM deserves to go through some pain just like I have!


do you think that if OM and your ex-wife don't split up , OM won't go through any pain? do you think he would won?

LET ME BE CLEAR TO YOU : what ever happens in this world , I mean like WHATEVER happens ... OM is already lost the game. there is just no way that he would come out of this without any pain for the wrong things he's done.

You don't have to believe me. you will see it for yourself.


----------



## weightlifter

Lets not get this one pulled like JS's folks let the post sit and fester in the OM life.

DO NOT post it to his employer


----------



## turnera

If they split up, she'll look to YOU to raise his child.


----------



## whyeme

The only person who knows is OM and stbxw I would not post to his employer it is not worth the hassle especially with them being the police and like you said I want it to fester, I thought it important the scum knew of its existence so it would be a bit of a stab at him also where is the fun in it for us 

Turnera, I will hit the bridge if it ever happens no point in thinking about it now as to me the future is just day by day. At the moment my concentration is placed solely on getting myself back healthy (mind and body) and making sure I give my little girl 110%!


----------



## manfromlamancha

He is not yet a full Police Constable and the constabulary takes a very dim view of this behaviour (at least in the parts of the UK I am in) - I know a lot of Bobbies here and they say that PCSO's still have to jump through a few hoops to make it to PC and be accepted by the others.

Still it probably is best that you do not expose to them - yet!

He will be very anxious and maybe the waiting around not knowing will be better punishment then all out exposure.


----------



## whyeme

He has accepted a post as one so will be shortly, he is a piece of scum I was sooo tempted at one point to tell them about what he did as his job is in a different county. It is his dream to be a c u ntstable so I thought it would be funny to destroy his dream as he trashed all of mine, but then I thought I am no better than him if I do that.

Came to the conclusion he is just not worth it, hopefully 1 day it will all go south for him as well then I can sit back and laugh at what an idiot he was!!


----------



## happyman64

whyeme said:


> He has accepted a post as one so will be shortly, he is a piece of scum I was sooo tempted at one point to tell them about what he did as his job is in a different county. It is his dream to be a c u ntstable so I thought it would be funny to destroy his dream as he trashed all of mine, but then I thought I am no better than him if I do that.
> 
> *Came to the conclusion he is just not worth it, hopefully 1 day it will all go south for him as well then I can sit back and laugh at what an idiot he was!!*


You are absolutely right.

And when your head is in the right place and bad karma visits them you will not laugh or be joyous.

You will most likely pity them.

I know I did.

HM


----------



## azteca1986

Don't know what you're talking about mate


----------



## whyeme

Well things are getting a bit interesting, stbxw text me about D11 last night (only thing I will respond to with her) apparently stbxw mum wants D11 to stay over Sunday night but she is refusing!!

Apparently she doesn't want anything to do with mil because she says she will just try and convince her to talk to her mum which she doesn't want to do.

stbxw was going a bit nutty by text saying she has had enough of this now etc... so not sure if she is going to try an all out assault against me again or whether she is going to give up on D11.

She has asked me to try and convince D11 to go, don't know what to do.... tricky situation because if I help stbxw that is not what I want to do but is what D11 doing right either. Tricky situation!!


----------



## manfromlamancha

I wouldn't do it - I wouldn't compromise my relationship with my daughter for this. Let her deal with it (she made her bed etc etc). Your daughter is wise beyond her years and is dealing with this better than most adults !

Prepare yourself for whatever legal action she may take but at the end of the day your daughter is the hero here and they cannot make her do something that she doesn't want to do especially given the situation. MIL is going to have to butt out of this and leave it to the stbxw, D11 and you.


----------



## happyman64

whyeme said:


> Well things are getting a bit interesting, stbxw text me about D11 last night (only thing I will respond to with her) apparently stbxw mum wants D11 to stay over Sunday night but she is refusing!!
> 
> Apparently she doesn't want anything to do with mil because she says she will just try and convince her to talk to her mum which she doesn't want to do.
> 
> stbxw was going a bit nutty by text saying she has had enough of this now etc... so not sure if she is going to try an all out assault against me again or whether she is going to give up on D11.
> 
> She has asked me to try and convince D11 to go, don't know what to do.... tricky situation because if I help stbxw that is not what I want to do but is what D11 doing right either. Tricky situation!!


Can I offer you a suggestion?

Call your Ex and tell her to lay off D11 for a while. The more pressure she applies to D11 by more family members will just fracture the relationship further.

Tell her to give the kid a break.

Maybe D11 will miss her.

Hopefully your STBXW will see reason in this advice and back off.

And your MIL should be told to back off nicely. Tell her you know she is trying to help but that D11 is old enough to know her own mind. 

Maybe if they treat her like an adult they will get an adult like response.

Because your wife and her BF have certainly not acted like adults.

Hopefully they will see reason Whyeme.

HM


----------



## azteca1986

At the risk of repeating myself...



whyeme said:


> She has asked me to try and convince D11 to go, don't know what to do.... tricky situation because if I help stbxw that is not what I want to do but is what D11 doing right either. Tricky situation!!


What D11 is doing is perfectly right for HER. D11 doesn't want to sit there and have her face rubbed in the fact her own mother chose to drop her without a second though and betray her father. It's unacceptable and D11 doesn't have to accept it. This is a consequence of your stbx's choices; she prepared this ****-sandwich for her family and now she (and her MIL) are surprised that your D11 doesn't want to eat it.

In your interests you should 'try'. And fail. 
_
"Your mother/MIL wants you to go over on Sunday, D11. I can understand why you don't want to. Would you like to speak to me about it?"_

That would be classed as 'trying' in my book. Then you tell your stbx that "you 'tried' to convince D11. She's stubborn, etc"

*It's not your job to clean up your stbx's mess.*


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## bfree

Tell your wife you will talk to your daughter about going to counseling for her resentment issues with her mother if your wife will also go to counseling for her batsh!t craziness. In my opinion your daughter is fully justified in feeling the way she does. If you try to intervene she is going to start to resent you too.


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## LongWalk

Yes, your daughter needs a counselor. Someone to be on her side who is not connected to the drama.


----------



## whyeme

Think I have done the right thing then, I spoke to D11 last night as to why she didn't want to go and she insisted that it was because MIL will pressure her in to do something she doesn't want to do.

I will speak to her 1 last time tonight no pressure and see if she changes her mind but at least I tried and failed and can report this via text to stbxw.

With regards to counselling, D11 is fine she is a very happy child the only time she gets unhappy is when she knows she has to speak to or visit her mum, so like now when she is not seeing her she is fine. She has basically told her she does not want to be part of the life she has chosen, she has the life she wants here in her home and with her family minus stbxw and she does not want to change that.

If she was venting at people other than stbxw or having issues at school then yes I would agree with counselling but she is not, anger is pointed squarely at the correct people and in fairness she is very calm and logical about why she is not seeing her mum and why she wants nothing to do with POSOM.


----------



## azteca1986

Don't waste your time, whyeme. If D11 is very "logical and calm" there's absolutely no point bringing the same subject up again. You've already tried and failed. Do something more constructive and fun with D11 tonight.

You gotta stop jumping every time your stbx wants something done. She fired you from that responsibility.


----------



## whowouldhavethought

In the US you are skating dangerously closing to losing custody of D11. She is too young to make this decision on her own and the court will presume you are somehow influencing her. At a minimum you need a therapist (more than one visit) who will state your daughter is mature enough to have made this decision.

WWHT


----------



## tdwal

whowouldhavethought said:


> In the US you are skating dangerously closing to losing custody of D11. She is too young to make this decision on her own and the court will presume you are somehow influencing her. At a minimum you need a therapist (more than one visit) who will state your daughter is mature enough to have made this decision.
> 
> WWHT


In the US the court would appoint a guardian ad litem who will make the decision for you and instruct the judge. I agree with the therapist idea, it's your only defense against it and believe me guardian ad litems are mostly women who will favor the mother.


----------



## azteca1986

It's different in the UK. I know the legal system here can seem ridiculously unfair to BHs. The divorce courts are weighted toward 1) Children 2) SAHMs. The court will want the least disruption to D11's life which means:

1) Keeping her in her home with her primary parent (whyeme)
2) Keeping her in school (where she is being monitored as they are aware of her situation. Paying taxes: not always a bad thing)

_If the question of who the child is to live with has to be resolved through court proceedings, the courts will start to put weight on a child’s wishes from the age of 9 to 11. The wishes and feelings of a child below the age of 11 will be taken into account but will not usually carry such weight._

Taken from a pdf from this website:
Residence


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## whyeme

Thank god she has just turned 11 that is all I can say  , I don't see the need for a councilor at the moment as you have said the school are monitoring her and she is doing better than ever, she does seem to be fine but if I see that turn she will be straight in to counseling!

I think even stbxw has been told this by whoever she has consulted that is why she is not pushing D11 because she knows that if she takes this to court she is screwed!


----------



## weightlifter

Hey Whyeme. Wondering how your are holding up.


----------



## whyeme

Well I survived yesterday relatively unscathed 6 months to the day since stbxw left our home to live with OM, just tried to forget the date and it seemed to work  

Had a busy few days with D11 and just generally trying to enjoy ourselves and keep plodding along. Still feeling a bit down but feel like I am moving forward.

D11 hasn't seen or spoken to her mum (except via text) in just over 3 weeks, she seems to be doing fine and holding strong which is good I suppose.

Just started doing P90X thought it was about time I built up my muscles looking a bit disproportionate as Combat has done a real number pulling together my core, shoulders and legs muscles and making them look good but as their are no weights involved my arms don't quite match so they need bulking up a bit! need to look smoking so I can pull a couple of nice 20 something female friends  sure fracking a nice looking girl will make me feel a lot better about life in general not after a relationship just some fun for now


----------



## harrybrown

Glad you are surviving. So WW is still in la la land? 

Good that she is hopefully out of your life forever. There will be someone for you in your future.


----------



## TDSC60

Despite what has been said about the courts making assumptions involving your child, a mature articulate 11 year old can appear before the court and give her feelings on the subject.

I think your daughter feels abandoned by her mother and replaced by the coming half sibling and wants nothing to do with either. She is a smart young lady. You are right to let her choose her own path when it comes to her mother.


----------



## TDSC60

Despite what has been said about the courts making assumptions involving your child, a mature articulate 11 year old can appear before the court and give her feelings on the subject.

I think your daughter feels abandoned by her mother and replaced by the coming half sibling and wants nothing to do with either. She is a smart young lady. You are right to let her choose her own path when it comes to her mother.


----------



## whyeme

Feeling a bit crappy this morning, probably because I had to see stbxw last night 

Went to parents evening with stbxw last night thought it the right thing to do for my little girl. She got an amazing report last night her English writing and comprehension is apparently the best the teacher has ever seen come through the school, she reads and writes at a 14 year old level which probably explains why she can have such a go at stbxw at such an adult level! 

Best bit was that the teacher said, she doesn't know what has happened to her in the last 6 months but she is doing amazing she has integrated with the class, is very confident and is doing well. The teachers who have taught her in the past just can't believe how amazing she is now she is apparently like a different child.

I thought it was worth taking stbxw as she needed to hear just how well my little girl is doing, she even later on admitted that she thinks it was all her fault D11 was the way she was and that her clinging to her caused all her school and social problems. Maybe there is a shred of humanity in the stbxw after all.

The worst thing she said was I wish I could go back in time a year and fix all of this and make none of this to have ever happened. I mean that is quite sick when you think about it, she was literally asking for her unborn child not to exist which is not what a fit mother would think!

Anyways onwards and upwards


----------



## happyman64

Glad your daughter is coming out of her shell. That is good news.

And your wife has regrets over her horrible choices.

That is good news too!

She would be more of a monster if she had no regrets about all the damage she has caused.


----------



## whyeme

Hi HM,

Although she has regrets, it doesn't fix anything does it thats the problem I still feel empty inside! it is not like we can do anything about those choices now as there is another child involved, my family is still destroyed I feel it hurts a bit more knowing it to be honest that she wishes she hadn't done it 

Feeling depressed, had to work from home for a week now as my parents are on holiday so being with your own company sucks!


----------



## LostViking

Now she is turning away from her OM, telling you how much she regrets what she did. I'm glad to see you are not falling for it. 

It is not true remorse. It is manipulation. Again, doing what she can to keep you hooked and at the back of the cupboard for future use. Your STBXWW displays a mysandrous nature. If she does not outright despise men, she at the very least sees men as nothing more than pawns....drones...and there only to provide sperm and money. 

What a nasty little piece of work she is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## weightlifter

whyeme said:


> The worst thing she said was I wish I could go back in time a year and fix all of this and make none of this to have ever happened. I mean that is quite sick when you think about it, she was literally asking for her unborn child not to exist which is not what a fit mother would think!
> 
> Anyways onwards and upwards


Dont read that much into it. Unborn kids was unlikely even in her thoughts when she said that.

She was thinking about you, seeing OM is not unicorns and rainbows and thinking while you are not perfect, excitement about someone is fleeting and wishing they could undo the damage... IE she is in her own head re-rewriting history to closer to what actually happened and life with you was not all demons and darkness.


----------



## happyman64

Remember there is a big difference between regret and remorse.

The regret might be there but I have not heard any remorse.

And with a bun in the oven I doubt any remorse will ever be shown.

Keep moving forward Whyeme. And continue to detach.

There are better woman out there for you.

HM


----------



## bfree

Is it possible she is thinking that after she had this child she can just turn him/her over to the om and try to get back with her loving husband and family? Just throwing it out there.


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## whyeme

I don't think so, it was funny I tested the waters just to see if I could coax out what she was thinking (2 can play the mind manipulation games) I told her I still loved her and asked her if you could come back tomorrow would you, the answer was not no it was I can't because I can't do that to OM's child it would not be fair on OM to take his son from him. 

It is strange really she never says she is with OM because she loves him it is always because it is because she is having his baby or because she has nowhere else to go (which is why I tried inviting her home). I find it very strange, she has not said she loves him ever to me "she had feelings for him" was what I used to get before she left.

The one that gets me is she says she is being punished enough because D11 won't see her or speak to her anymore, I mean ffs how is that punishing her it punishes her daughter more it is always me me me with her!! selfishness should be my stbxw middle name!!


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

whyeme said:


> I don't think so, it was funny I tested the waters just to see if I could coax out what she was thinking (2 can play the mind manipulation games) I told her I still loved her and asked her if you could come back tomorrow would you, the answer was not no it was I can't because I can't do that to OM's child it would not be fair on OM to take his son from him.


You may be sorry you said this. It could bring on some false hope for her in the months to come.

Somewhere down the line, when her life has gone to complete hell in a hand basket - She's going to remember what you said and you may end up having to shoot down her thoughts of you two possibly getting back together.

She'll be at rock bottom, wondering if you will throw her down a line.


----------



## Nucking Futs

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> You may be sorry you said this. It could bring on some false hope for her in the months to come.
> 
> Somewhere down the line, when her life has gone to complete hell in a hand basket - She's going to remember what you said and you may end up having to shoot down her thoughts of you two possibly getting back together.
> 
> *She'll be at rock bottom, wondering if you will throw her down a line.*


If you do throw her a line, make sure there's an anchor attached to it.


----------



## whyeme

It will be a line with an anchor attached to a very large piece of concrete 

Problem is her pride will be in the way, she is completely invested in this piece of scum so I doubt she will come looking for a line!

And... Once I move on to somebody that is game over for her anyway I will not look back end of!


----------



## bfree

Whyme, it almost sounds as if she's still in that duality of compartmentalization that those engaged in infidelity often experience. It's like she never came out if that.


----------



## carmen ohio

whyeme said:


> I don't think so, it was funny *I tested the waters just to see if I could coax out what she was thinking (2 can play the mind manipulation games) I told her I still loved her and asked her if you could come back tomorrow would you,* the answer was not no it was I can't because I can't do that to OM's child it would not be fair on OM to take his son from him.
> 
> It is strange really she never says she is with OM because she loves him it is always because it is because she is having his baby or because she has nowhere else to go (which is why I tried inviting her home). I find it very strange, she has not said she loves him ever to me "she had feelings for him" was what I used to get before she left.
> 
> The one that gets me is she says she is being punished enough because D11 won't see her or speak to her anymore, I mean ffs how is that punishing her it punishes her daughter more it is always me me me with her!! selfishness should be my stbxw middle name!!





whyeme said:


> It will be a line with an anchor attached to a very large piece of concrete
> 
> Problem is her pride will be in the way, she is completely invested in this piece of scum so I doubt she will come looking for a line!
> 
> And... *Once I move on to somebody that is game over for her anyway I will not look back end of!*


Dear whyeme,

IMO, you weren't "play[ing] mind manipulation games," you were test[ing] the waters" to see if there was a chance that your WW wanted to come back to you. You say the it will be "game over for her" but only after you have "move[d] on to somebody else."

I suspect that you are not being totally honest yourself and that what you really want is for your WW to come back to you, OM's baby and all. There's nothing wrong with this -- almost every guy who catches his wife cheating wants to save his marriage (although most don't have to deal with having been literally cuckolded). I think you will be better off in the long run if you admit -- at least to yourself -- that this is what you want. Once you have done that, you can evaluate what you would need to forgive her and take her back. Then, you could discuss this with her to see if there is any chance to save your marriage.

Don't let pride or the advice of people on TAM/CWI to prevent you from getting what you really want. If you want to try to save your marriage, then do what you need to do. It's unlikely that it will happen but, if you don't try, you'll never know what might have been and you'll probably always regret it.

If I'm totally misreading you, feel free to tell me to take a hike.


----------



## happyman64

whyeme said:


> It will be a line with an anchor attached to a very large piece of concrete
> 
> Problem is her pride will be in the way, she is completely invested in this piece of scum so I doubt she will come looking for a line!
> 
> And... Once I move on to somebody that is game over for her anyway I will not look back end of!


Why wait?

Move on now. That bump she is wearing only gets bigger.

The hell with the OM and her.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

whyeme said:


> The worst thing she said was I wish I could go back in time a year and fix all of this and make none of this to have ever happened. I mean that is quite sick when you think about it, she was literally asking for her unborn child not to exist which is not what a fit mother would think!
> 
> Anyways onwards and upwards


Not really, in her head it mostly likely meant the baby would be yours.


----------



## whyeme

Carmen,

Yes in a way you are sort of correct, I do love my wife but the person I normally see is not my wife, she acts nothing like her and even her own daughter says that to people all the time and it is one of the reasons why she hates her. 

The other night she was acting like the woman I knew, this has happened a couple of times since she left and when it does she is a very different person it is like Jekyll and Hyde syndrome, she has emotions she even shows regret and a tiny tiny bit of remorse it is surreal when it happens and the next time I see her she is back to this vial strange woman.

I would love to save that person when she appears but I know that she is hidden behind the mask of this vial woman who she is now. OM is all she cares about, she has little to no regard for me so in my eyes why should I have any for her beyond making sure D11 is happy.

I would love the relationship between her and OM to break down even just out of shear spite for what the guy did to my family so he would be paying child support for 16+ years but I have a feeling it won't, if it did though then yes maybe there is a chance to save our marriage but I don't see that happening and to be honest the longer it has gone on the less of a chance I would want to give her as my feelings are diminishing day by day, blow by blow.

I am at a cross road now, I could safely move on happily if somebody appears and I am looking OR I could take stbxw back if the option was laid in front of me and she would at least try some form of R with me. I know now that I could do either and it would be my choice and not hers, the thought of moving forward is where I am currently and that is where I am charging to and who knows about the future. 

I think the scariest thing is I don't know where I will meet somebody new because I do not work around women, all my friends live 50 miles up the road so I can't go out with them easily and online dating is not exactly great and yielding me little to no success!

I just want to move forwards now, I want to sort myself our, get happy and find somebody new.


----------



## carmen ohio

whyeme said:


> Carmen,
> 
> Yes in a way you are sort of correct, I do love my wife but the person I normally see is not my wife, she acts nothing like her and even her own daughter says that to people all the time and it is one of the reasons why she hates her.
> 
> The other night she was acting like the woman I knew, this has happened a couple of times since she left and when it does she is a very different person it is like Jekyll and Hyde syndrome, she has emotions she even shows regret and a tiny tiny bit of remorse it is surreal when it happens and the next time I see her she is back to this vial strange woman.
> 
> I would love to save that person when she appears but I know that she is hidden behind the mask of this vial woman who she is now. OM is all she cares about, she has little to no regard for me so in my eyes why should I have any for her beyond making sure D11 is happy.
> 
> I would love the relationship between her and OM to break down even just out of shear spite for what the guy did to my family so he would be paying child support for 16+ years but I have a feeling it won't, if it did though then yes maybe there is a chance to save our marriage but I don't see that happening and to be honest the longer it has gone on the less of a chance I would want to give her as my feelings are diminishing day by day, blow by blow.
> 
> I am at a cross road now, I could safely move on happily if somebody appears and I am looking OR I could take stbxw back if the option was laid in front of me and she would at least try some form of R with me. I know now that I could do either and it would be my choice and not hers, the thought of moving forward is where I am currently and that is where I am charging to and who knows about the future.
> 
> I think the scariest thing is I don't know where I will meet somebody new because I do not work around women, all my friends live 50 miles up the road so I can't go out with them easily and online dating is not exactly great and yielding me little to no success!
> 
> I just want to move forwards now, I want to sort myself our, get happy and find somebody new.



Dear whyeme,

I am sorely disappointed in your response. I was genuinely hoping that you would tell me to take a hike.

Let me be brutally honest with you. You are one of the weakest BHs to have shown up on TAM/CWI in a long time. Your WW has treated you in the most vile and heartless manner, destroyed your family and cuckolded you. Yet, you long to have her back.

Your young daughter has demonstrated considerably more maturity and courage than you by wishing to rid herself of her evil mother's influence. Your reaction has been to agonize over their split and to try to bring them back together.

I know the other posters are going to hate me for saying this but my advise to you is to go to your WW, beg her to come back to you, tell her that you will gladly raise the OM's child as your own, accept total responsibility for all that she has done and say that you forgive her unconditionally. Basically, just sacrifice every bit of pride and self-respect that you have left in the hope (probably forlorn) that your WW will return to you.

If she agrees, you will have what you seem to want -- your family back together whatever the cost. If she refuses, you will have learned that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that you can do to reunite your family and maybe, just maybe, you will then be able to pull your head out of your *ss, start acting like a man and begin building a new and better life for yourself and your daughter.

The other option, of course, is to do what all the other posters have been advising you to do for the past three months -- divorce your revolting WW and move on.

Your main fear seems to be that you will never find another woman to love you. The truth is that, as long as you continue to be a spineless, love sick, pathetic man, you won't. The answer, of course, is to find your b*lls and start acting like a man. The question is, can you do this? Based on how you've reacted thus far, I am beginning to doubt it.

I hope you prove me wrong. If you can't, then I hope that pleading with your WW to come back works, since that would seem to be your only hope for future happiness.

Good luck.


P.S.: If you haven't already, I strongly recommend that you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover and "Married Man Sex Life Primer" by Athol Kay.


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## carmen ohio

Removed double post.


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## phillybeffandswiss

It is strange when a betrayed spouse makes right decisions, but still loves his cheating wife and posters swear he is the worst one in a long time. It happens, quit acting like he is the only one to ever have doubts and want his old life back. He's ahead of a number of posters in other threads right now.

You are conflicted like many BSS on this website. 
You want your old wife back, like many BSs on this website.
You want your old life back, like many BSs on this website.
You can't see past the now and you are scared.
You think you can't find someone, after all the work and love you put into this relationship.

Sorry, you aren't the weakest, you are posting all the typical things of a betrayed and scared spouse. Go on and post them, this is a place to vent and post your doubts.


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## weightlifter

CH dude. Not even close to weakest. That Oklahomanumber guy who gave his wife permission to explore her feelings. THAT is weak.

Not as as strong as say RTBP but, damn dude. He speaks from his heart. his head knows damn well it's over.

Just wish he would file D already. His daughters recent successes will play well with the judges and I get the feeling he has allies in the teaching staff ATM. Whyeme STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT!

You are doing mostly fine Whyeme. Really tho. Get the D done. You are hurting yourself there.

WL


----------



## whyeme

CH, I said I loved my wife but the woman I see is NOT MY WIFE. That is what I said.

Yes I love the woman I knew as my wife but guess what this person I see occasionally is not that person, no I will not beg her to come back I wouldn't give the b**ch the satisfaction, I will not go crying to her it is not going to happen. If anybody wants to come crying back it can be her because I will not be the one going to her thats for damn sure.

I said I am at the cross roads I can go either way, I am choosing forwards without her and that is the way I am heading. If my old wife reappeared, not this vial b**ch and that is one hell of an IF I might consider trying to R but I know in my mind that it will most likely be a cold day in hell that she will come back to being that person, I know so there is no point in thinking about it so I don't.

My head is firmly moving forward, I do not want to D for a simple reason I WILL NOT be the one who ends this marriage stbxw can a)because it costs ME money and it is a meaningless piece of paper in my eyes anyway so why should I pay even more for her betrayal and b) in my daughters eyes it will be her mum who divorced me so from a psychological point of view I would rather her see stbxw as the evil piece of scum that she now is and not be the one to have put the final nail in this coffin. Oh and double bonus she can't take OM name so it is funny because I know it will annoy her 

Putting my name on divorce papers will give me no satisfaction anyway, the marriage papers already mean nothing to me now and its not like my name changed when we got married so what does it give me other than a lighter wallet!!

Onwards upwards and yes I cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel but hopefully soon there will be 

Stupid question, I find it strange it is like 11 years of my life have disappeared. Its like amnesia I can't remember anything good or bad from before this happened, weird thing is I keep remembering loads of memories from before I was married and all my happy memories seem to come from there at the moment, even major events like my daughters birth, first words things like that don't seem to appear as happy memories anymore and they take me a lot of effort to remember it is like you think of them as fake memories. Is this normal? I suppose it is my minds way of coping with whats happened possibly I just wondered if anybody else had experienced it.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

You are detaching. What you described is basically indifference.


----------



## bfree

Whyme, consisting what you've had to deal with you're doing well. As far as any R is concerned imo you can pleasantly think of the past, you can even long for the past, but know that it is the past and can never be again. Your former wife is not the same woman you loved and she will never be again. She is forever changed, as are you, and that ship had sailed. If you ever did try R with her you have to know that it would be an utter failure and would probably damage all of you tremendously. The best thing you can do for yourself, your daughter, and even your former wife is to move on and tell everyone this phase in life is complete and a new chapter is beginning. I normally believe in R even well past the point when most feel it prudent. However in your situation too much had happened and that bridge has been burned.


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Is there any point?*



phillybeffandswiss said:


> You are detaching. What you described is basically indifference.


Yes whyme, it is absolutely normal. Someday your mind will be able to put things in a better context and separate memories adding the appropriate emotional support. But for right now it's better to keep things at arm's length until you have more distance.


----------



## LostViking

I dont understand. 

Whyme are you NOT going to divorce or are you just going to stay in an estranged marriage? Your posts are confusing. 

If it is the latter, you are setting yourself up for some serious legal troubles down the road with respect to the OM's child.


----------



## whyeme

Longhorn, I do not have any legal trouble with OM's child, it doesn't work like that in the UK thankfully as I will have no parental responsibility over it so have zero responsibility for it thankfully.

I do not have the money to start with to D at the moment and also why should I pay for her to D I would rather use my money on something for D11, if she wants to marry OM so bad let her pay is how I look at it, plus I know it will annoy her as well as she will want OM name so she can play happy family with the new baby. 

I will probably start D proceedings myself early in the new year once OM spawn has been born to ensure it annoys her as much as possible  revenge is sweet and all that!!


----------



## LongWalk

Do it your own way.


----------



## happyman64

I agree.

Let her pay if she wants D now.

All I will say is your D11 will make her mother pay dearly for her mothers transgressions against her and you.

Let her.

She is old enough to know her own mind.

HM

PS
And when you replace your wife pick someone that not only loves you but your kid. Because I think your D11 would prefer to replace her Mom with a better role model.


----------



## Chaparral

Why would a good woman want to go out with a fellow who can't manage to divorce a woman carrying another mans child.

Some men do what needs done others wallow in hell.


----------



## sammy3

TDSC60 said:


> D10 is smart enough to understand that you were replaced by OM and that she was replaced by the baby. Once the baby is born D10 will not want to be anywhere around it. The constant reminder of how her mother walked away from her in favor of OM and his baby will upset her for years to come.
> 
> But she sounds like a smart kid who is mature beyond her years. She will be OK. Just do not try to push her into a relationship with her half-sibling.


...and baby will probably replace om, and om will replace ww... 

~sammy


----------



## azteca1986

I too have been wondering what whyeme is waiting for.

I can't understand why he doesn't just fuel up the Learjet, fly down to Rio and snort cocaine off copious Brasilian hookers till the divorce if final, like the rest of us?



whyeme said:


> I do not have the money to start with to D at the moment and also why should I pay for her to D I would rather use my money on something for D11...


Oh. Pretty good reasons.



> I will probably start D proceedings myself early in the new year once OM spawn has been born to ensure it annoys her as much as possible  revenge is sweet and all that!!


Good. By waiting whyeme has passed D11's crucial 11th birthday, where her testimony and wishes will be listened to. D11 is bright and articulate and the text exchanges between her and her mother should be used in evidence by any half-way decent lawyer in a custody hearing. Every day that passes with whyeme as the only parent works in his favour.

Just remember, whyeme, that by waiting you run a risk; that your WW's relationship will blow-up, that she'll come running back to you and you'll take her back. You will gain a heartless, selfish cheater and OM's child and lose D11 if you do.


----------



## weightlifter

azteca1986 said:


> I too have been wondering what whyeme is waiting for.
> 
> I can't understand why he doesn't just fuel up the Learjet, fly down to Rio and snort cocaine off copious Brasilian hookers till the divorce if final, like the rest of us?
> 
> Oh. Pretty good reasons.
> 
> Good. By waiting whyeme has passed D11's crucial 11th birthday, where her testimony and wishes will be listened to. D11 is bright and articulate and the text exchanges between her and her mother should be used in evidence by any half-way decent lawyer in a custody hearing. Every day that passes with whyeme as the only parent works in his favour.
> 
> Just remember, whyeme, that by waiting you run a risk; that your WW's relationship will blow-up, that she'll come running back to you and you'll take her back. You will gain a heartless, selfish cheater and OM's child and lose D11 if you do.


I LOVE Britwit.
Salutes from across the pond.

There is a D end game. Some time in Feb. Was a bit worried now I get it.


----------



## carmen ohio

whyeme said:


> Longhorn, *I do not have any legal trouble with OM's child, it doesn't work like that in the UK thankfully as I will have no parental responsibility over it so have zero responsibility for it thankfully . . .*


From https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/disagreements-about-parentage:

*Disagreements about parentage*

_If someone denies they’re the parent of a child, the statutory child maintenance services - the Child Support Agency (CSA) or the Child Maintenance Service - will:
_

_ask them for evidence proving they’re not the parent_
tell the other parent what’s happened and ask for evidence to prove parentage
 If the person named as the parent can’t give evidence proving they’re not, the service managing your case can:


ask both parents to take a DNA test
ask the courts to make a decision
 *Presumed parentage*

_The CSA or Child Maintenance Service can presume parentage if the person named as the parent:
_

_was married to the child’s mother at any time between the conception and birth of the child_ (unless the child was adopted)
is named on the child’s birth certificate (unless the child was adopted)
has taken a DNA test that shows they’re the parent
has legally adopted the child
is named in a court order as the parent when the child was born to a surrogate mother
 _If a statutory child maintenance service presumes parentage it will work out a child maintenance amount. The person named as the parent has to pay this until they can prove that they’re not the child’s parent._

*Paying child maintenance during a disagreement*

_If the child maintenance amount has already been worked out, the person named as the parent has to pay until they can provide evidence that they’re not._
If the amount hasn’t been worked out, the service managing the case won’t work it out or ask for payment until the disagreement has been sorted out. 
If the person is found to be the parent, the amount of child maintenance they have to pay will be back-dated.

*If the named person proves they’re not the parent*

_If this happens the service managing the case may:
_

_refund any payments made after the date they first denied they were the parent_, or offset the amount against maintenance for another child
refund the cost of any DNA tests arranged through the service
 The CSA or Child Maintenance Service may also ask the other parent to pay back any child maintenance.


_Refunds depend on the circumstances of each case_.

[Italics and underscoring added.]


----------



## whyeme

Cheers Carmen!

Luckily I know she is very proud of him being the dad so he will be straight down there with his name on the birth certificate, she has already told my daughter that the baby is going to have the scums surname so I am not worried.

If it is born before Christmas and is not premature THEN I will get a DNA test done as it could be mine but other than that I am safe!

Luckily she is very proud of what she has done so I am not worried about the name on the birth certificate, also I have evidence its not mine she signed a lease and moved out before it was conceived!!

She is a b**ch but I know she wouldn't do that to me! mainly because it would upset and hurt OM and that is all she gives a damn about anyway!


----------



## LostViking

I thought you said she told you a few days ago at your daughter's school function that she regrets what happened and wished she had never done it.

Which is it?


----------



## sandc

It sounds like she's on the roller coaster too. Hopefully whyeme is on another amusement ride when the emotional roller coaster his WW is on comes to a stop.


----------



## whyeme

Hi Longhorn,

No 2 different events! a couple of days earlier to the school event she came round to pick her post up as something important had arrived here instead of at OM house and whilst here she asked to talk to me about D11, so we sat in her car for 10 minutes whilst she told me all this, it was 1 of the 3-4 times she has come out with all her crap about regretting it since D day, its strange I can almost see my wife when she is like that it is like a scared child type thing and she acts so different to her now normal behaviour.

Then on Tuesday she was back to her usual selfish self when I saw her at parents evening, no different the usual it was just strange that a couple of days earlier she was going on about how D11 is doing so well and maybe she was the 1 holding her back, that she wished she could go back and fix it all yadda yadda snore..... and then D11 teachers told her basically the same things so must reaffirm that she was a bad influence on our child.

She is a mess, and I to be honest am not taking her crap anymore, I do go through little stages where it gets to me and I want to go back but then I wake up and realise what a psychotic b*tch my stbxw is because she will do something that makes me snap out of it!!


----------



## 86857

> Stupid question, I find it strange it is like 11 years of my life have disappeared. Its like amnesia I can't remember anything good or bad from before this happened, weird thing is I keep remembering loads of memories from before I was married and all my happy memories seem to come from there at the moment, even major events like my daughters birth, first words things like that don't seem to appear as happy memories anymore and they take me a lot of effort to remember it is like you think of them as fake memories. Is this normal? I suppose it is my minds way of coping with whats happened possibly I just wondered if anybody else had experienced it.


Hi Whyme. I think it's very normal. The exact same thing has been happening to me. I keep remembering old times before WS came along 5 years ago and sometimes I burst into tears thinking of how happy I was and how happy my home was when I met him. My 2 boys left soon after though my D18 is still with me. 
I also notice lately that memories from way back are coming into my mind, even of my childhood. I haven't had that happen before. I think you are right. It is a way for the brain to cope by looking back at happy times. So it was interesting to hear someone else saying the same thing. Mind you I would prefer to be looking forward but I can't seem to be able to. I feel a bit world weary to be honest.

Like you the last 5 years are somewhat of a blur in my mind. I now know that from the beginning he had secret women friends from his home country that he corresponded with and pretended he was single. Imagine! He made me invisible! Can't say any man has ever done that to me before. So I have no happy memories with him at all. He was a snake from the beginning. 

On another note, advice even hard-hitting advice, can be given without making accusations that you are weak. Everyone is different and deals with things their own way. I thought the idea of TAM was that BS could come here and express their feelings, their hurts and their doubts and be supported. 

It is hard to shake off 11 years. Your heart just hasn't caught up with your brain yet. Maybe IC would help. One thing I know is that when a break-up happens, even between BF and GF it is always easier if you don't see them as it's a constant reminder. I know you have to because of D11 but I would try to minimise contact with WS completely and especially avoid meeting her in person. You can forward her mail to her for example. For school things you could alternate, i.e. you go to one thing and then she goes to the next. Friends of mine who are divorced do that as they can't even be in the same room. She had an affair. 

You have come a long way since you first posted and you are being a great Dad to D11 considering the stress you are under.


----------



## Chaparral

********** said:


> Hi Whyme. I think it's very normal. The exact same thing has been happening to me. I keep remembering old times before WS came along 5 years ago and sometimes I burst into tears thinking of how happy I was and how happy my home was when I met him. My 2 boys left soon after though my D18 is still with me.
> I also notice lately that memories from way back are coming into my mind, even of my childhood. I haven't had that happen before. I think you are right. It is a way for the brain to cope by looking back at happy times. So it was interesting to hear someone else saying the same thing. Mind you I would prefer to be looking forward but I can't seem to be able to. I feel a bit world weary to be honest.
> 
> Like you the last 5 years are somewhat of a blur in my mind. I now know that from the beginning he had secret women friends from his home country that he corresponded with and pretended he was single. Imagine! He made me invisible! Can't say any man has ever done that to me before. So I have no happy memories with him at all. He was a snake from the beginning.
> 
> On another note, advice even hard-hitting advice, can be given without making accusations that you are weak. Everyone is different and deals with things their own way. I thought the idea of TAM was that BS could come here and express their feelings, their hurts and their doubts and be supported.
> 
> It is hard to shake off 11 years. Your heart just hasn't caught up with your brain yet. Maybe IC would help. One thing I know is that when a break-up happens, even between BF and GF it is always easier if you don't see them as it's a constant reminder. I know you have to because of D11 but I would try to minimise contact with WS completely and especially avoid meeting her in person. You can forward her mail to her for example. For school things you could alternate, i.e. you go to one thing and then she goes to the next. Friends of mine who are divorced do that as they can't even be in the same room. She had an affair.
> 
> You have come a long way since you first posted and you are being a great Dad to D11 considering the stress you are under.


There is a mothers point of view and a fathers point of view, men are different than women. Coaches don't just pat you on the back and say good job son. When you are making mistakes on the court/field the coach calls you on it. The more you mess up the louder the coach gets. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Its just tough love,.the lack of which causes most of todays problems.


----------



## lovelyblue

_which is what I wanted for all these years!_

I know that is sound mean but you are lucky that you didn't get her pregnant back then.

What if you had to kids by this woman and you are in the same situation as you're now just with two kids.


----------



## whyeme

Cheers guys, CH I need a good kicking sometimes it gets me back in the right frame of mind so go for it  

**********, I am so glad it isn't just me with the memory things it worried me a bit but I assume its our brains own self defensive mechanism kicking in to prevent us from going nuts!! 

I think the reason our happy memories come from the past and not the present or going forwards is because for the BS our futures have just been wiped out everything we knew about ourselves and the futures we thought we had are gone, for now we just live day by day not knowing where life is going to take us and the only thing we can do is try little by little to improve ourselves, find ourselves and then eventually the water will hopefully clear and happy memories from the present will start to appear.

For me I do have the odd happy memory in the present that does stay with me, the problem I have is that everything at present feels a bit tainted by the mess around me. I know I am strong and will get through this, no I will not be taking WS back my head knows this but getting the heart to understand this sometimes is hard to say the least.


----------



## lovelyblue

_yeah the pregnancy thing is weird she is adamant that she could not have children so didn't use protection,_

What about STD's?

_This is so difficult, I just wish there wasn't a baby involved as that would make things a bit easier!!

And it will feel more difficult after the baby is born._

And what if you the innocent baby looks just like the POSOM if you forgave her and took her back how could you deal with that?


----------



## davecarter

azteca1986 said:


> I too have been wondering what whyeme is waiting for.
> 
> I can't understand why he doesn't just fuel up the Learjet, fly down to Rio and snort cocaine off copious Brasilian hookers till the divorce if final, like the rest of us?


Uncanny!
Booked my ticket / accomodation back in September and I'm flying out to Rio de Janeiro in 10 days!


----------



## carmen ohio

whyeme said:


> Cheers Carmen!
> 
> Luckily I know she is very proud of him being the dad so he will be straight down there with his name on the birth certificate, she has already told my daughter that the baby is going to have the scums surname so I am not worried.
> 
> If it is born before Christmas and is not premature THEN I will get a DNA test done as it could be mine but other than that I am safe!
> 
> Luckily she is very proud of what she has done so I am not worried about the name on the birth certificate, also I have evidence its not mine she signed a lease and moved out before it was conceived!!
> 
> She is a b**ch but I know she wouldn't do that to me! mainly because it would upset and hurt OM and that is all she gives a damn about anyway!


Dear whyeme,

I think you misunderstood the point of my post. What concerns me is the statement on the gov.uk website that the "_CSA or Child Maintenance Service can presume parentage if the person named as the parent__ was married to the child’s mother at any time between the conception and birth of the child_."

I'm not an English attorney, so I can't advise you as to what that means but, as a U.S. attorney, I can say that, if I were you, I would want to know. If it means that there is a possibility that you will be presumed to be the child's father simply by virtue of the fact that you were married to her when the child was conceived, then you may have a problem since it would appear that that would make you responsible for child maintenance until it is proven/determined that you are not the father.

Maybe you know the answer but, if not, I would not wait to find out. If you haven't already, I would suggest you speak to a qualified attorney about this rather than simply assuming that you don't have a problem.


----------



## tom67

carmen ohio said:


> Dear whyeme,
> 
> I think you misunderstood the point of my post. What concerns me is the statement on the gov.uk website that the "_CSA or Child Maintenance Service can presume parentage if the person named as the parent__ was married to the child’s mother at any time between the conception and birth of the child_."
> 
> I'm not an English attorney, so I can't advise you as to what that means but, as a U.S. attorney, I can say that, if I were you, I would want to know. If it means that there is a possibility that you will be presumed to be the child's father simply by virtue of the fact that you were married to her when the child was conceived, then you may have a problem since it would appear that that would make you responsible for child maintenance until it is proven/determined that you are not the father.
> 
> Maybe you know the answer but, if not, I would not wait to find out. If you haven't already, I would suggest you speak to a qualified attorney about this rather than simply assuming that you don't have a problem.


:iagree:Make sure you are protected legally.


----------



## weightlifter

How ya feeling Whyeme?
A bit concerned.


----------



## whyeme

Still alive and breathing  I am ok just about but having it rought.

stbxw is giving me grief threatening as usual if D11 won't see her, I have ended up having to go along with them during visits which is agonizing but I am doing it for D11 as she doesn't trust her mum. D11 has agreed to see her mum 3 hours a week thats it, this is only because stbxw forced it on her i.e. do it or I will take dad to court to force you to do it.

stbxw has been discussing staying over 1 night a week to spend more time with D11 as she thinks that will make her think more of her, I have obviously said NO!! to that as I don't want her here its hard enough spending 3 hours a week with the w**re! she also wants to be here during all the major Christmas events and family rituals which I have also said get lost too as they don't exist to me now we will be making new ones where possible!! talk about cake eating or what!!


----------



## LostViking

She's so damn proud of herself isn't she?

And having to hang around with her with that big growing belly has to be vomit-inducing.

Well, this is the price you pay for not pushing through the divorce. I really think you are making a huge mistake leaving the course of the D in her hands.


----------



## whyeme

Oh I am going to be pushing for divorce going to take me another 2-3 months to afford it but I am saving now  my credit is crap thanks to stbxw so I have to save!!!

Yes seeing her makes me feel sick but it is for D11 sake and it stops her twisting her mind so in a way its more of a benefit to me


----------



## LostViking

Good. I'm glad you will be pushing it once you can afford it. Just do what you need to do to survive around her and keep looking forwards. You're doing good.


----------



## 3putt

LostViking said:


> She's so damn proud of herself isn't she?
> 
> And having to hang around with her with that big growing belly has to be vomit-inducing.
> 
> Well, this is the price you pay for not pushing through the divorce. I really think you are making a huge mistake leaving the course of the D in her hands.


And to add to this, whyeme, do you realize that if you were to push the divorce, that it would put your daughter in a position to tell the judge exactly what she wants and doesn't want? She's at an age, not to mention an awareness, that judges take their wants and desires into serious consideration when it comes to custody and visitation.

You would be protecting your daughter from what she's being forced to do that's obviously against her wishes.

Just a thought.


----------



## BK23

whyeme said:


> Oh I am going to be pushing for divorce going to take me another 2-3 months to afford it but I am saving now  my credit is crap thanks to stbxw so I have to save!!!
> 
> Yes seeing her makes me feel sick but it is for D11 sake and it stops her twisting her mind so in a way its more of a benefit to me


Not at all up in UK law, but I suspect one ancillary benefit of dragging your a$$ on the divorce, is that the older your daughter is, the more her preference will be taken into account in the custody determination...


----------



## user_zero

whyeme said:


> Still alive and breathing  I am ok just about but having it rought.
> 
> stbxw is giving me grief threatening as usual if D11 won't see her, I have ended up having to go along with them during visits which is agonizing but I am doing it for D11 as she doesn't trust her mum. D11 has agreed to see her mum 3 hours a week thats it, this is only because stbxw forced it on her i.e. *do it or I will take dad to court to force you to do it.*


I think if u can , u should use this to get full custody in court. I don't know how. I think parents have the right to see their children no matter IF they are acting as their parents. and this (bold part) is not the action of a mother. this behavior is a bad model of handling problems for D11. God give you patience my friend.



whyeme said:


> stbxw has been discussing staying over 1 night a week to spend more time with D11 as she thinks that will make her think more of her, I have obviously said NO!! to that as I don't want her here its hard enough spending 3 hours a week with the w**re! she also wants to be here during all the major Christmas events and family rituals which I have also said get lost too as they don't exist to me now we will be making new ones where possible!! talk about cake eating or what!!


Your ex-wife is trying to use you to get the approval of D11. this is the not the right way to do it. you did the right thing.


----------



## weightlifter

whyeme said:


> stbxw has been discussing staying over 1 night a week to spend more time with D11 as she thinks that will make her think more of her, I have obviously said NO!! to that as I don't want her here its hard enough spending 3 hours a week with the w**re! she also wants to be here during all the major Christmas events and family rituals which I have also said get lost too as they don't exist to me now we will be making new ones where possible!! talk about cake eating or what!!


Sentence 1 is just damn weird. 

Staying with you would be illegal. I assume torture is illegal in the UK. Having to see your wife prego with another mans baby 24/7...


----------



## sandc

weightlifter said:


> Sentence 1 is just damn weird.
> 
> Staying with you would be illegal. I assume torture is illegal in the UK. Having to see your wife prego with another mans baby 24/7...


Hold the phone, I missed something. She IS pregnant with OM's child??


----------



## 3putt

sandc said:


> Hold the phone, I missed something. She IS pregnant with OM's child??


Yeah, a few months now and showing 'nicely'.


----------



## LostViking

sandc said:


> Hold the phone, I missed something. She IS pregnant with OM's child??


Um, yeah. What planet have you been orbiting?


----------



## Thebes

She sounds messed up to me. I know how much you are hurting but there is nothing you can do but move on and take care of your daughter.


----------



## 3putt

3putt said:


> Yeah, a few months now and showing 'nicely'.


And this is another good reason why he should file and fast track it as much as possible. With my limited understanding of British law in divorces, it would serve him very well to have her paraded in front of a judge with her belly bloated with another man's child. 

Men don't get many breaks on that side of the pond, so you gotta grab them when they present themselves.


----------



## sandc

LostViking said:


> Um, yeah. What planet have you been orbiting?


Uranus. 

Must be cross-thread pollution in my head.


----------



## LostViking

sandc said:


> Uranus.
> 
> Must be cross-thread pollution in my head.


:rofl:


----------



## weightlifter

She is due Feb. she is already showing. He posted that a while back.


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Is there any point?*



sandc said:


> Hold the phone, I missed something. She IS pregnant with OM's child??


Yeah, sick isn't it?


----------



## whyeme

Well it gets stranger, she has been talking with D11 and is now trying to stay over 3 nights a week! is this woman f**ked in the head or what!!

I spoke with her today and asked wtf is going on, she said she just wants to spend time with D11! that doesn't make sense to me so I asked her if this is her warped way of trying to come home and her response was no I could not upset OM, his parents etc... by taking their first grandchild away! not once was there a no I love OM or anything like that which if you asked me would have been the first thing out of my mouth if I was in love with somebody!!

Beginning to think stbxw doesn't actually know what love is, she is one seriously messed up piece of work! 

Any psychologists out there want to try and explain this one to me because none of it makes sense to me, I mean the only thing I can think of is she is trying to get OM to dump her as she can't do it herself possibly... I dunno all very very strange behavior if you ask me


----------



## LostViking

whyeme said:


> Well it gets stranger, she has been talking with D11 and is now trying to stay over 3 nights a week! is this woman f**ked in the head or what!!
> 
> I spoke with her today and asked wtf is going on, she said she just wants to spend time with D11! that doesn't make sense to me so I asked her if this is her warped way of trying to come home and her response was no I could not upset OM, his parents etc... by taking their first grandchild away! not once was there a no I love OM or anything like that which if you asked me would have been the first thing out of my mouth if I was in love with somebody!!
> 
> Beginning to think stbxw doesn't actually know what love is, she is one seriously messed up piece of work!
> 
> Any psychologists out there want to try and explain this one to me because none of it makes sense to me, I mean the only thing I can think of is she is trying to get OM to dump her as she can't do it herself possibly... I dunno all very very strange behavior if you ask me


Sociopathy comes to mind. 

Also she is misandrous: if she does not outright hate men, she is indifferent to men and only sees them as sperm donors and cash machines. 

Sounds like she's trying to slowly return home without appearing to return home. The same way a snake slithers into a house through a hole in the wall, or a spineless mullusk slogs into a new cast-off shell. 

She wants to split her time between two households. This is where you need to stand up to her and tell her no. All she is doing is confusing D11 and adding to the drama.


----------



## Nucking Futs

The answer you should give her is that she's not welcome in your home for any length of time and if she's serious about taking it before a judge you'll see her in court.


----------



## tom67

LostViking said:


> Sociopathy comes to mind.
> 
> Also she is misandrous: if she does not outright hate men, she is indifferent to men and only sees them as sperm donors and cash machines.
> 
> Sounds like she's trying to slowly return home without appearing to return home. The same way a snake slithers into a house through a hole in the wall, or a spineless mullusk slogs into a new cast-off shell.
> 
> She wants to split her time between two households. This is where you need to stand up to her and tell her no. All she is doing is confusing D11 and adding to the drama.


Tell her she has already made her choice.

You can also tell her that your girlfriend wouldn't like this I know you don't have one yet but she doesn't have to know this.
The point is to show her you are moving on.


----------



## Chaparral

As far as I know, in this country, when a spouse moves out, they no longer have the right to come and go as they please. Is that the case in England?


----------



## weightlifter

Im reading second thoughts by her. In hard love she glossed his faults. Now she is comparing you two and its a horse race.

Dont do it dude!


----------



## WyshIknew

weightlifter said:


> Im reading second thoughts by her. In hard love she glossed his faults. Now she is comparing you two and its a horse race.
> 
> Dont do it dude!


I dunno, I'd be tempted to say sure, play nicey nicey.

When OM gets pissed off and dumps her, show her the door.

I'd make sure first though that this wouldn't prejudice getting her out of the house or the divorce.


----------



## turnera

She just figures you're the better bet to be the one who'll take care of her financially, even willing to raise another man's kid. So she is easing her way back home. Pretty simple to see.


----------



## weightlifter

turnera said:


> She just figures you're the better bet to be the one who'll take care of her financially, even willing to raise another man's kid. So she is easing her way back home. Pretty simple to see.


Quoted for uber truth. Dont be plan b.


----------



## happyman64

Whyeme,

Legally do you have to let her into your home?

Because if not I would tell her she is persona non grata......

HM


----------



## Nucking Futs

WyshIknew said:


> I dunno, I'd be tempted to say sure, play nicey nicey.
> 
> When OM gets pissed off and dumps her, show her the door.
> 
> I'd make sure first though that this wouldn't prejudice getting her out of the house or the divorce.


Way to rationalize it. Let her back in and she's in to stay and you're raising OM's child.


----------



## tom67

Nucking Futs said:


> Way to rationalize it. Let her back in and she's in to stay and you're raising OM's child.


NFW!

Tell her to call d11 directly from now on.

She wants to go to court tell her to bring it on.


----------



## Decorum

WyshIknew said:


> I dunno, I'd be tempted to say sure, play nicey nicey.
> 
> When OM gets pissed off and dumps her, show her the door.
> 
> I'd make sure first though that this wouldn't prejudice getting her out of the house or the divorce.


I would never recommend this because it's evil, evil, naughty, naughty, bad, bad Decorum.

Ha Ha Ha, but who was it that shagged his WW then told OM that she cheated on him (OM), with the OP, Op went on to tell Om that she had remarked about how it has been so long since she has come that hard, or that loud, etc etc.

Om was sooo pissed.


----------



## LostViking

Whyme could never do something like that. He's one of them thar English gentlemen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 86857

Don't do it Whyme. 
Just look at the pain you have gone through over this person. You MUST shut her out. If she has to come and see D11, leave the house when she arrives, tell her you will be back in 2 hours or whatever and don't enter into ANY dialogue with her. 
Have a mantra for when you see her. If she tries to talk to you just say:
"I'm not interested in talking Mrs Whyme."
If you say that EVERY time she will get the message. 

She's trying to mess with your brain. All cheaters do it.


----------



## Nucking Futs

********** said:


> Don't do it Whyme.
> Just look at the pain you have gone through over this person. You MUST shut her out. *If she has to come and see D11, leave the house *when she does, tell her you will be back in 2 hours or whatever and don't enter into ANY dialogue with her.
> Have a mantra for when you see her. If she tries to talk to you just say:
> "I'm not interested in talking Mrs Whyme."
> If you say that EVERY time she will get the message.
> 
> She's trying to mess with your brain. All cheaters do it.


She should not be crossing the threshold of your house. Treat her like a vampire, she can't come in unless you invite her and you're not foolish enough to invite a vampire into your home.

It's time to sack up. She's got no respect for you or your boundaries. Set her straight.


----------



## whyeme

Lol the funny thing is I was thinking of some evil things you have already suggested...

D11 has told her she can come round for 3 days but no mobile phone is allowed and she has to act like OM does not exist hahaha. Now here is the fun part, she wants to do it every week to show her the family she is missing out on and obviously to annoy OM (broke in to D11 phone she set the password very simple so have read the thread). She say she hates OM with passion and tells her every day how much she hates them both, to get them broke up she has changed her tact from having a go to being nicey nice but with subtle undertones it is quite impressive to read.

Here is my plan and yes it is very very evil, so OM is letting stbxw live around my house which is very odd but ok lets go for it  now I also thought of the seducing her and telling OM as well so hmmm why not, I am pretty sure with the 3 nights a week I will get her in to bed hoping to do it the first week and then sh*g her good and proper (hey 7 months to make up for), good thing is I am not cheating but she is cheating on OM although is that technically possible lol 

Now lets go and f*ck up her life good and proper and then if she tries to come crawling back I am going to tell her to go f*ck herself


----------



## walkonmars

Grow up and act like an adult. Stop playing games. I can understand D11, because she's eleven! But you? You're not eleven. You're supposed to be an adult. Act like one.

Additionally, in most jurisdictions in this country, once you engage in connubial relations with a wayward spouse it is legal proof that you've accepted the status quo and would be legally responsible for her (and her child). Be careful with what you do.


----------



## WyshIknew

Whyeme, I was being slightly tongue in cheek. Although it would be delicious revenge, trying to enact revenge that way would still show that you are bothered about her.

Complete indifference to her is the answer.


----------



## WyshIknew

Decorum said:


> I would never recommend this because it's evil, evil, naughty, naughty, bad, bad Decorum.
> 
> Ha Ha Ha, but who was it that shagged his WW then told OM that she cheated on him (OM), with the OP, Op went on to tell Om that she had remarked about how it has been so long since she has come that hard, or that loud, etc etc.
> 
> Om was sooo pissed.


I think you mean Mad6r.


mad6r 
Member


Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 100 Default Re: She doesn't think she cheated! 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys, been a while.

I am happy to say things are still going good with me and my boys, and stbxw snapped out of her fog with POSOM. She admitted to me that he never treated her the same after I had told him about what we did that weekend so she ended it with him, so she says. Karma!

I'm still seeing same girl I met at my party, nothing serious just enjoying each others company for the time being. We are actually going on a short 4 night trip to Cancun next month. First vacation in over 10 years. She makes me happy and I make her happy.

My boys are still my priority and we still go to church on the weekends they are with me. We've gotten closer but still struggle at times without mom around. She fights every chance she gets and all I can do is smile. She has seen a picture of the other girl and she dont like. Tough cookies!!! She does not want to help with finances unless she pays directly herself or buys stuff herself for the kids. I dont mind, but she thinks if she gives me money that I would use it on other girl. LMAO.

Anyways, I will keep you posted on D and any changes. I still struggle with being a single dad but my boys appreciate what I do for them. We have Dodgers tickets for Friday fireworks night, just me and the boys.

be back soon.


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## whyeme

Guys,

Sorry was just having a rant about perfect revenge and I am not that type of person deep down! stbxw might want to be a fool on the Jerry Springer show but I don't!! lets face it to be honest I don't need to exact revenge on her as at some point it will all come tumbling down on its own then she will realise what a mess she has made of her once good life 

I have already told her to get lost with her staying over plan, I don't think its a good idea in fact its a damn bad idea and gives D11 all the wrong impressions about what is going on!!

I do not want to raise another mans kid! well not one bought through an affair that hurt me and my own daughter so much anyway, I am not against going out with a woman who has a child that is very different!

So I am going to carry on with the current arrangements 3 hours on a Sunday unless D11 wants to change it, and to be honest she doesn't she just wants OM gone as she hates him so is planning weird stuff like this!!

Cheers for shaking me there guys I nearly wobbled!!


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## LostViking

You're a good man Whyme. I never doubted you. 

One reason your WW cannot look you in the eye is because your goodness reminds her what a piece of sh!t she is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almost There

Hi whyeme,

I just finished reading your thread, and I sent you a PM. I just wanted to let you know that I think you handled everything really well - I can only imagine how confusing and awful it must've been to go through all that! I commend you for being such a wonderful influence for your daughter.. it sounds like she's really doing well under the circumstances.

Cheers!


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## turnera

Whyme, even if your D11 DID want to change it, that's no reason for you to do what she wants anyway. She is a CHILD and doesn't see the long-term ramifications. Don't let her think she has a say in this; it's not good for her.


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## tom67

LostViking said:


> You're a good man Whyme. I never doubted you.
> 
> One reason your WW cannot look you in the eye is because your goodness reminds her what a piece of sh!t she is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Decorum

WyshIknew said:


> Whyeme, I was being slightly tongue in cheek. Although it would be delicious revenge trying to enact revenge that way would still show that you are bothered about her.
> 
> Complete indifference to her is the answer.


Yeah me too, just thinking out loud, sorry Whyeme, it may have been a bit reckless to post that, but I am glad you have a sense of humor, stay the course and take the high road.

(Wish you are right it was Mad6r, thx)


Take care!


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## whyeme

Decorum, made me smile because I had thought that when she came up with the idea then I thought better because well lets be honest no matter how desperate for sex I might get sh*gging a 6/7 month pregnant blimp with OM's baby in its stomach doesn't really turn me on.

And before I get a good lashing from women, *NO* I do not have a thing against pregnant women being unattractive I thought my stbxw looked great pregnant last time but it is what the bump actually means that makes it and her unattractive!!

Still feeling a bit crap to be honest, but us just keep on going


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## weightlifter

There is nothing so beautiful as a hormone bloated wife carrying YOUR baby.

There is not much more hideous than your wife carrying ANOTHER MANS baby.

I remember a poster writing something to that affect of a pic his wife he loved was her preggo or right after birth, looking like poo. To him it was the sexiest thing on earth. She hated the pic. It was his favorite.

You have friends here Whyeme. You will pull thru.


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## whyeme

Weightlifter, funnerly enough I have a pic of stbxw and for some reason it always makes me smile and I think she looks beautiful!

Must be something to do with the special gift they bring you, maybe psychological who knows but it is strange. I don't really find her the least bit attractive now, probably because its that POS OM's baby sat in there.

My only prayer at the moment is that nothing bad happens to her during labour, she nearly died having my little girl and she is a very ill person so her pregnancy risk is extremely high (one of the reasons I didn't want another baby). If she died or had a stroke or something bad (her medical condition is head related), I would be afraid of the affect on D11 as she would die never having made up with each other  

Just keep on moving thats all we can do


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## LostViking

I just posted something very cruel in response to your last post. I deleted it. 

I only want to say that if something bad happens during her labor I hope they can save the baby.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Decorum

whyeme said:


> Decorum, made me smile because I had thought that when she came up with the idea then I thought better because well lets be honest no matter how desperate for sex I might get sh*gging a 6/7 month pregnant blimp with OM's baby in its stomach doesn't really turn me on.
> 
> And before I get a good lashing from women, *NO* I do not have a thing against pregnant women being unattractive I thought my stbxw looked great pregnant last time but it is what the bump actually means that makes it and her unattractive!!
> 
> Still feeling a bit crap to be honest, but us just keep on going


Thanks Whyeme. I wish you well.

BTW I agree with WL, we have 4 children and having a pregnant wife is one of the sexiest things I have ever experienced. I cant imagine how it makes you feel whyeme, I'm sorry, you deserve better and so does D11.

But you have D11 and that is precious and priceless.

My 3rd born turned 22 yesterday, he is an amazing young man (we have 2b's and 2g's) I sent him a text and told him to take care of himself he is a part of my happiness, yeah I am a bit of a sap, but a fathers heart remains true.

Make the most of your time with her, my last few summers before my 2 youngest have gone off to their Universities we spent hiking, those are some of the best memories of my life, now its exciting to get a text or have a meal somewhere with them, ha ha.

Take care!


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## whyeme

Lol Lostviking you have an evil streak!! but hey we probably all think it would be easier if the cheating how did just drop dead!!! I have to think of D11 though, she might hate her mum and have zero respect for her but 1 day she might want to let her back in her life. Fingers crossed it won't be for a few years though!!

Feeling really crappy tonight, need to get some positive vibes in my life at the moment!!


----------



## LostViking

Beer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Is there any point?*



LostViking said:


> Beer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


where?!


----------



## whyeme

Beer = bad, the amount of work I have put in to my body recently to make it look remotely decent again would disappear in no time if I looked at bear for a cure!!

Its still not great but losing fat at a nice rate  down to 21% and getting some nice muscle tone starting to appear now, want to get to 15% fat then I should look decent enough to pull a nice looking girl


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## WyshIknew

Beer is the answer.

Now, what was the question?


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## verpin zal

Beer = belly. I'd go for some mild vodka mix. (Takes a sip)


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## WyshIknew

Beer in moderation is ok.

Like many things, too much is bad in excess.

I have the occasional beer or glass of wine and I don't have a big belly.


----------



## whyeme

No she is not!!! I told her to go and stick the idea where the sun don't shine!!

Before I did that though she had already told D11 she couldn't do it because something with OM had cropped up, this obviously dissapointed D11 and wound her up again to the point where she told her she would see for 1 hour a week now at 7PM Fridays that is it!

D11 is fed up of being constantly being disappointed by her mum, she has let my poor little girl down so often and consistently I don't blame her for giving up on her to be honest.


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## LostViking

So she's dragging it out and abandoning her daughter by degree. Poor kid. 

It would be more merciful to D11 if her mom just left town with the OM and never came back.


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## whyeme

Lostiviking I wish she would do that every day, at least then she would have stability all this just upsets her more and more.

It still amazes me how she is with D11, this little girl was her world until she met POSOM how can somebody change so much


----------



## The Cro-Magnon

whyeme said:


> Lostiviking I wish she would do that every day, at least then she would have stability all this just upsets her more and more.
> 
> It still amazes me how she is with D11, this little girl was her world until she met POSOM how can somebody change so much


How can she change so much? Because she is, in every way, truly NOT a very nice person. I'm going through he same thing,you have to learn that the girl you thought was a "special snowflake" was all in your head, when in fact, she was actually a cold, miserable, inhuman alien that never truly loved you all along


----------



## LostViking

whyeme said:


> Lostiviking I wish she would do that every day, at least then she would have stability all this just upsets her more and more.
> 
> It still amazes me how she is with D11, this little girl was her world until she met POSOM how can somebody change so much


She didn't change. Your perception of her changed. Once you took the love-goggles off you were able to finally see her for what she always was: cold-hearted, selfish, narcissistic, shallow, vain, and completely disconnected from empathy with others. That's what makes it so easy for her to walk all over your and D11's feelings.


----------



## sandc

whyeme said:


> No she is not!!! I told her to go and stick the idea where the sun don't shine!!
> 
> Before I did that though she had already told D11 she couldn't do it because something with OM had cropped up, this obviously dissapointed D11 and wound her up again to the point where she told her she would see for 1 hour a week now at 7PM Fridays that is it!
> 
> D11 is fed up of being constantly being disappointed by her mum, she has let my poor little girl down so often and consistently I don't blame her for giving up on her to be honest.


Yeah, that "something" is jealousy. He doesn't want "his woman" getting around her family because she might come back to her senses.

This thread reminds me so much of HerHusband's thread.


----------



## TDSC60

sandc said:


> Yeah, that "something" is jealousy. He doesn't want "his woman" getting around her family because she might come back to her senses.
> 
> This thread reminds me so much of HerHusband's thread.


Yeah - HH's wife came back with a tattoo of OM's initials or name on her wrist. Lived with him for a number of months. I always got the feeling that his wife came back for medical treatment and therapy and she would bolt back to OM eventually. 

WM. I know you want the best fro your daughter and do not want her to regret what she is doing with her mom know. But it seems she is a very intelligent young lady with a mind of her own. Just support her decisions and be there for her. She will be fine.


----------



## whyeme

The something was a medical appointment most likely a scan it was not OM putting his foot down or anything like that, D11 said she could go to her appointment but not with him on her own she didn't want her with OM at all that day and she said she wouldn't do that to him.

I was glad she did that as I was in a difficult place, her and D11 arranged it so if I said no then I would have looked like the bad guy to D11 so thankfully she messed up and saved me that issue!!!

She has let D11 down on other things as well, she is just a waste of space! wish she would just move away and leave us alone to do us both a favour!!


----------



## weightlifter

Your mom is still D11's female rock?


----------



## whyeme

Yes weightlifter my mum is everything to D11 and she trusts her implicitly and knows she won't let her down. It is funny she found a note addressed to stbxw from D11 asking all sorts of girls growing up type questions my mum found it under her bed and told me roughly some of the content, she has since made a point of destroying it in front of stbxw saying that it is nothing to do with her!! she has asked my mum most of the information in it anyway.

stbxw really has burnt all her bridges with this little girl, sad I would never have imagined it this time last year but selfish people deserve everything they get.


----------



## weightlifter

Ah. All those oh so fun 'female' questions. GLAD your mom is there for her!

Cheers from across the pond! Hope your weekend goes well.

WL


----------



## weightlifter

You're not forgotten bro. Hanging in there? Yea I know Christmas...


----------



## whyeme

Still alive!!! dreading Christmas that day is just getting closer and closer trying to enjoy it the best I can but I know its going to be one horrible day 

D11 has broken off all contact with stbxw, she has asked stbxw that if she loves her then she needs to respect her decision and to just leave her alone as she wants nothing to do with her.

All good fun!!! least a nice new year is coming I am thinking a fresh start as a new years resolution leave the past in the past and all that. Can't have a worse year next year than this year has been thats for sure so might as well and start it on a positive note!!


----------



## manticore

man, I am sorry that things have turned this way, but even as a kid she is protecting her mental stability in this way, she knows her mother did wrong, and even worst when your stbxw tried to distort reality and tried to brain wash her, maybe one day their relationship will heal, but It will not be the first time that a Kid refuse any kind a relationship with a parent for the rest of their lives.


----------



## whyeme

Oh its worse than that stbxw text me a few minutes ago to say that this morning D11 said she had been reading how she can stop her mum from doing anything to her, she has told stbxw that if she loves her then she wants her to give up her parental responsibility (parent rights as D11 called them)!

You got to love Google!! she basically wants stbxw to just not be her mum anymore. I just said I am not getting involved, if D11 needs my help I will will be there for her but I will not betray her by assisting stbxw.


----------



## manticore

yes this is the kind of things that cheaters never see coming while enjoying their affair thrill, they don't understand until is too late that they are not just betraying their spouse, but also their kids and whole family, so they don't even know how to react when their kids confront them.


----------



## bfree

Whyme, you're right to stay out of it. Protect yourself and your relationship with D11. Your stbxw made her bed.


----------



## TheFlood117

My God, I just read most of this thread. Whyeme, bro you are pure class and my new hero. Amazing mental toughness demonstrated here. I'm so glad you are moving on, losing weight and making yourself better all the while be the ONLY parent for your child. Keep this up man. In no time I see in you'll have a great future, great relationship with your daughter and landing a tier 1 girl. 

Your ex is a vile disgusting sociopath. Truly a bottom feeder. 

F*ck her!!! And I mean that from the bottom of my Team whyeme heart. 

Stay the course.


----------



## happyman64

whyeme

I bet your stbxw never thought one of the consequences of her affair and OM pregnancy would be the loss of her relationship with her daughter.

Your kid is awesome and smart.

And I think she is very hurt by her mothers actions as you are.

Standing back at this time from their relationship might be a good idea.

Just be your kids rock for now.

She needs you.

HM


----------



## TheFlood117

happyman64 said:


> whyeme
> 
> I bet your stbxw never thought one of the consequences of her affair and OM pregnancy would be the loss of her relationship with her daughter.
> 
> Your kid is awesome and smart.
> 
> And I think she is very hurt by her mothers actions as you are.
> 
> Standing back at this time from their relationship might be a good idea.
> 
> Just be your kids rock for now.
> 
> She needs you.
> 
> HM


Yeah, don't put yourself in your scum ex wife's corner. Support EVERY and ALL decisions your daughter has made in relations to her "mother". 

You kid must have gotten the only good genes her mother had. Cause she is an incredibly smart little gal. Protect her from her mother's destructive existence. No matter the cost.


----------



## weightlifter

Sorry I dont believe he should assist D11 in taking LEGAL action of de-momming her mom. Now logistical and visitation are a different matter. D11 should not have to see "mum" if she does not want to. IMHO your daughter may be a bit more visually oriented than a typical female and seeing her mother preggers with another mans baby may be triggering her hardcore. IE this may change AFTER a while AFTER the baby is born.

Whyeme. never doubt I am on your side bro. But doing legal stuff is a bit too permanent.

I know this post wont be popular. so...

Shields up, defense plan gamma, execute!


----------



## Nucking Futs

weightlifter said:


> Sorry I dont believe he should assist D11 in taking LEGAL action of de-momming her mom. Now logistical and visitation are a different matter. D11 should not have to see "mum" if she does not want to. IMHO your daughter may be a bit more visually oriented than a typical female and seeing her mother preggers with another mans baby may be triggering her hardcore. IE this may change AFTER a while AFTER the baby is born.
> 
> Whyeme. never doubt I am on your side bro. But doing legal stuff is a bit too permanent.
> 
> I know this post wont be popular. so...
> 
> Shields up, defense plan gamma, execute!


I disagree. She needs a parent she can count on when the chips are down, and failing to support her in this would leave her adrift with no one having her back.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

weightlifter said:


> Now logistical and visitation are a different matter.


Visitation is a legal term. If he helps diminish or cut visitation, it is legal and not different.


----------



## whyeme

Guys, from what stbxw is telling me D11 is not asking me to go legal on her she is asking stbxw to relinquish it on her own accord, basically if you love me you will do this for me type of affair because she does not trust her or feel safe knowing she has so much power over her life!!

I have no intention on going legal on her, its too expensive and I don't feel it is right things need to settle and I will support D11 all the way. Also to be honest the guilt stbxw has is stopping her doing anything anyway because she knows that all she is doing is pushing her daughter further and further away!!


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## TheFlood117

I hope I can raise my son to be so intelligent, loyal and decisive as your daughter. 

You did good son. You did good. That dog will hunt.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

whyeme said:


> Guys, from what stbxw is telling me D11 is not asking me to go legal on her she is asking stbxw to relinquish it on her own accord, basically if you love me you will do this for me type of affair because she does not trust her or feel safe knowing she has so much power over her life!!!


I think you said D11 is getting counseling. Sorry, I've read too many threads. Ask her counselor what you should do in this situation. Otherwise, let it stay between her and her daughter. Now, I know people will come in with the "that's her mother" argument, but you know the health of their relationship. D11 may be angry, but she may lash out at you and resent you for taking sides with the person who destroyed her world.


----------



## LostViking

Whyme can you take off work and head out of town at Christmas? Maybe take your mum and D11 on the bus to a quaint little nearby country town somewhere and stay at an inn or hotel? 

Having Christmas away from the city will serve to make sure STBXWW doesn't come creeping around trying to ruin D11's Christmas, and it will take alot of the pressure off you.


----------



## VFW

Why, I understand your daughter feeling abandoned by her mother and that she should have a voice. I think however, that it is worth having a discussion with her about their relationship. The discussion should not be to tell her what to do, but to provide her with helpful guidance. While your relationship with stbxw is adversely affected, I would be concerned that part of your daughters motivation is to support or protect you in someway. It would be unfortunate if she forgoes a relationship with her mother just out of loyalty to you. That doesn't mean she has to see OM or even go to mothers house, but I think some kind of relationship would be health for both of them. Also forgiving her mother does not mean that she condones her behavior and recognize that even parents make mistakes as well.

I know that you don't need defended and may not have even seen it that way, but I think it is worth mentioning. I think she is old enough to make many of those decisions, but should be balanced with your gentle guidance. You also need to tell stbxw that you are not demeaning her to daughter, but stbxw has to be patient while your daughter works some of these issues out in her mind. I would further suggest that you and daughter plan several events for just you two over the holiday season to start new traditions of your own, to replace those things you had done as a family previously. I wish you and your daughter a special holiday blessing and the hope of a joyous New Year to come.


----------



## whyeme

Hi Lostviking,

We are spending Christmas around my parents this year, she won't dare come near the place!! its going to be weird as I have not been at my parents home for Christmas in 12 years!! Christmas was normally at stbxw mums house or a couple of times at home as we were never allowed around my parents because it wouldn't be Christmas if it was not done her way!!!

VFW,

stbxw knows I am not influencing D11, I have had to spend time with them both the last few weekends as it was a term for D11 seeing stbxw but even that has broken apart now! I have had to do a lot of grin and bear its but I held myself together, did not get walked over despite the endless criticism about anything and everything! to be honest D11 was getting fed up of stbxw picking fault with anything she could so probably part of the reason she has got fed up of her.


----------



## whyeme

Well had a really rough day yesterday soooo fuming, stbxw called me to have a rant about D11 sending her a nasty text. I said will deal with it but asked what lead to it, well nothing blah blah so thought there is more to this than she was letting on (trickle truth) so I did some digging! basically stbxw and D11 were having some conversation and stbxw said she can't win, D11 said you can but I want him gone and I will think about it. stbxw basically shot her down might as well have ripped the poor little girls heart out and stamped on it and wonders why she got such an horrific text back!! funniest thing I saw is I don't hate your Dad and I hope 1 day we will be friends, had to stop myself from laughing my head of at that, I would rather stick pins in my eyes than be friends with her the quicker my daughter is 16 and I never have to speak to the selfish b*tch again in my life the better!!

Felt great last night, I had a proper argument with her told her what i thought of her as she at one point basically said she didn't care about my little girl which made me loose it! I have restrained for so long but that was the last straw you don't say that about your own child, I told her I wish I could go back 12 years in time then I would make sure I would never meet the most selfish b*tch I have ever met!! think that stung her as she kept using the but you think I am a b*tch for the rest of the conversation as a come back lol

I know probably not good but god I have been nice for so many weeks I thought f*ck it what have I got to loose, I just couldn't help it when she doesn't get why her little girl is upset with and that her idea of fixing it is to force D11 to spend more time with her, she doesn't get that it wrenches her heart out every time she leaves and that bump obviously doesn't help because she hates POSOM so much!

Not feeling good today though


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## turnera

Things like that happen, whyme. Just move forward. And give D11 a little more TLC today. Does she have an aunt or grandmother to talk to?


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## TheFlood117

It's alright whyeme, you're doing good. Keep your daughters love and loyalty at all costs. She's loves you very much. What a kid you got there. She's really got a stong sense of right and wrong, you've done a great job parenting. Give yourself some, no,no. ALL the credit on that one. 

Your STBXW, is a complete scrub. She's an idiot and selfish to the max. I'm so with your daughter on her, she doesn't deserve the time of day . 

Keep going. Doing well. Keep posting and venting. 

Good luck.


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## LostViking

Pregnancy hormones and narcissism are a wonderful combination. 

Just look at it this way Whyme, when the baby comes you won't need to worry a about the b!tch anymore because all her focus will be on that kid. You and D11 will cease to exist in her mind, which in turn will set the two of you free to a certain extent. 

I think it's good for you to unload on her once in a while. There is not going to be any R, so have at it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TDSC60

LostViking said:


> Just look at it this way Whyme, when the baby comes you won't need to worry a about the b!tch anymore because all her focus will be on that kid. You and D11 will cease to exist in her mind, which in turn will set the two of you free to a certain extent.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree 100%. 

In D11 mind, STBXW has replaced Whyme with POSOM and has replaced D11 with the new baby. D11 is smart enough to know that she hates POSOM and his child. STBXW, POSOM, and their child are responsible for blowing up D11's life and family. Why would she not be disgusted with all of them? Why would she want anything to do with any of them? They are all associated with the most painful experience in young D11's life. D11 is protecting herself from the hurt she knows she is going to feel when she sees her Mom holding and loving her replacement.

Maybe in 10 or 15 years D11 may seek out her Mom, but for now, you should support her decision to get away from this mess created by her Mom.


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## whyeme

You know what is really really funny stbxw is really not looking forward to having a boy, she always dreaded having one when i was with her and has said several horrible comments when I have had to suffer around her such as I hate having a boy they are always dirty, I hate that I have to buy boys toys etc... just makes me laugh she doesn't want a boy and her girl means so little to her.

I am not helping stbxw at all I had to speak to her tonight about seeing her cousin and I could barely hold a conversation with her I just wanted to tell to go f*ck herself!!

Still don't know how I am feeling feels a bit all over the place I am just so so angry about what she said yesterday about D11 it really has affected me


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## user_zero

whyeme said:


> You know what is really really funny stbxw is really not looking forward to having a boy, she always dreaded having one when i was with her and has said several horrible comments when I have had to suffer around her such as I hate having a boy they are always dirty, I hate that I have to buy boys toys etc... just makes me laugh she doesn't want a boy and her girl means so little to her.
> 
> I am not helping stbxw at all I had to speak to her tonight about seeing her cousin and I could barely hold a conversation with her I just wanted to tell to go f*ck herself!!
> 
> Still don't know how I am feeling feels a bit all over the place I am just so so angry about what she said yesterday about D11 it really has affected me


your ex-wife seems to have lots of issues. at this point, I'm pretty sure she has some kinda mental disorder. this isn't normal at all. :scratchhead:

my own mother did a lot of questionable things to me and my siblings. nothing physical but a lot of mental/emotional stuff. she was a very difficult person to live with. you know when I talked about some of these stuff to a friend of mine and seeing his reaction I realized what she did to us wasn't natural/normal for a mother. after so many readings and talking with psychiatrist now I know that she did have a mental disorder. which explains a lot. I'm telling you this, because I know in the case of personality disorders , they rarely cured. these people rarely change. I'm trying to tell you that you would be less angry/hurt/disappointed if you expect lesser from that woman.

I think the lesser contact you have with her, the better. focus on yourself and your time with your daughter. you're doing better than most. and it's gonna get better


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## whyeme

Cheers UZ, sorry to hear about your mother  its sad that somebody can hurt their children so much.

To be honest I have extremely low expectations of her, yesterday set that bar as low as I think it could physically go it is pushed that low in to the ground its denting it!!

I still feel like I missed something over all these years people like this can't just change overnight can they ?? like any marriage it had ups and downs but that is pretty normal behaviour but we also found a way to fix what was wrong and live on happily. I struggle sometimes like I missed something, like a massive red flag over all these years but I just can't find it 

Oh well Christmas party tomorrow night at work, looking forward to it to be honest there will be lots of nice women there so time to get my game back in order and find a little happiness for myself I think!!


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## weightlifter

All those thankful whyeme has his mom as help raise hand. 

Plus. Some 'female' stuff really needs to come from another female.


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## LostViking

Like I said before: you had your love goggles on, that is why you missed the weird behaviors and goofy ideas. She was most likely always a nut. You passed off those odd behaviors as her "cute" little ways. All those bizarre actions you probably passed off as her eccentricities. The love goggles allowed you to do this. You aren't wearing them anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking

weightlifter said:


> All those thankful whyeme has his mom as help raise hand.
> 
> Plus. Some 'female' stuff really needs to come from another female.


Both hands raised.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking

Actually Whyme's mum gets to be a mum all over again. Many women would relish the opportunity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

My grandma did that.

She is my moms step mom. Bless her one of the most utterly amazing women.

Raised her kids.
Raised my mom her step daughter. The reason my mom came out reasonably normal. Her bio mom was married at least 5 times maybe more.
Raised her grand kids when my aunt decided to go live the lifestyle with her partner in san francisco and not with her kids.


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## bfree

You know whyme, it may not be that you were blind. Many people live with various types and degrees off mental disorders but they suppress and manage it fairly well. But mental disorders are not fixed and stagnant. They can change, get better or worse depending on life's little roadblocks. It may be that your wife had/has a mental disorder but until some tragic event or trauma occurred she was able to cope well enough. Didn't she suffer a miscarriage? That very well could have set her off and break down the walls she has built up over the years to control her problems. So while she didn't just change and develop these problems overnight it may not have surfaced until recently and once the dam burst the floodgates opened.


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## terrence4159

really weightlifter raise a hand i lost both my hand and you make that wise crack...............holy rude. you owe me an apolog...........kidding i m raising both my hands (sad attempt at humor)


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## whyeme

bfree that might be true she lost her dad december 2011 and although I was there for her and did everything I could to help her through it I feel this was the event that triggered the chain. I could be wrong but that is where her baby obsession became a lot stronger for some reason, she was also angry her dad would never get to see any 2nd child.

Who knows not like we have a time machine or a crystal ball and can see, she might have just been a loon/b*tch!!


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## weightlifter

The dead dad thing happened in another thread. ?Cantthinkstraight?

BTW Whyeme. If I dont get to it later I just wanna say. 

Merry Christmas sir. Chin up. Life will get better.


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## whyeme

Merry Christmas all, can't say its exactly being very merry at the moment trying my best but its not a nice time at the moment  can't wait until tomorrow is out of the way just want it over with I am hoping next year I either have somebody new or it will be better, either way it won't be as cr*p as this year is how I am looking at it!!!


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## Singledude21

Just one more week man, then crappy 2013 will be out of your system. A new year, a fresh start.


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## sandc

whyeme said:


> Merry Christmas all, can't say its exactly being very merry at the moment trying my best but its not a nice time at the moment  can't wait until tomorrow is out of the way just want it over with I am hoping next year I either have somebody new or it will be better, either way it won't be as cr*p as this year is how I am looking at it!!!


First prediction for the new year. By this time next year, you will be enjoying the warm embrace of a woman who wants to be with you. And on Christmas Eve you will be singing "Santa Claus Comes Tonight!"


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## whyeme

Fingers crossed  I have already set 2014 to be the best year ever, I am going to place a line under this all as that clock strikes next week!!

I am going to church tonight for the Christmas Eve celebration hopefully the gorgeous girl I go to church with is going to be there (she was 50/50 the other day). We all had an amazing time on Sunday at the service together, laughing and having fun her little girl is so cute and we are getting on well. I know the key to her heart is to get on with her daughter and make sure she likes me, she has not been in a relationship since her little girl was born and she was scarred quite badly by the whole ordeal! taking it slow but we are getting on really well so fingers crossed for 2014 

She was my high school crush so it almost feels like it was meant to be that she asked me to start going to church with her a few weeks ago!


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## happyman64

Whyme

Merry Christmas and you will have a better year next year.

And your daughter as well.

Peace.

HM


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## sandc

whyeme said:


> Fingers crossed  I have already set 2014 to be the best year ever, I am going to place a line under this all as that clock strikes next week!!
> 
> I am going to church tonight for the Christmas Eve celebration hopefully the gorgeous girl I go to church with is going to be there (she was 50/50 the other day). We all had an amazing time on Sunday at the service together, laughing and having fun her little girl is so cute and we are getting on well. I know the key to her heart is to get on with her daughter and make sure she likes me, she has not been in a relationship since her little girl was born and she was scarred quite badly by the whole ordeal! taking it slow but we are getting on really well so fingers crossed for 2014
> 
> She was my high school crush so it almost feels like it was meant to be that she asked me to start going to church with her a few weeks ago!


Don't try. Just let the relationship grow organically. If you believe in God then you can trust that if God wants you to be with her, nothing can prevent it. If God doesn't want you to be with her then there's nothing you can do to force it.


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## whyeme

I am not really trying, that is how I am playing it just see where it takes us! a couple of my close friends know and are pushing me to speed it up but I am happy just letting it go where it goes!

She is the polar opposite of my ex, so kind and loving with 100 x less crazy at least! If there is a God then I hope this is all part of his plan because if it is then I like his plan


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## happyman64

Sounds like a good plan.

Take your time and settle this business with your Ex.

And church is a great place to date.

Ensure over time that her values match your own.

HM


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## sandc

If you question the existence of God then make sure she knows that too.


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## bandit.45

Take her behind the baptistry and lay a big wet kiss on her.


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## whyeme

sandc I don't question his existence, I am not a hippocrit just my believe in him has been quite shaken this year but I am coming out of that and seeing that there must have been something in his plan, my little girl is doing great I myself am doing great, this probably saved my life as I was eating myself to death thanks to her bullying so maybe her leaving was part of the plan to make our lives better!

I don't know its a bit of strange one but I am getting there, feeling a bit all over the place at the moment just want to get Christmas over and done with!!


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## Decorum

Merry Christmas Whyeme.
Its good to see you have hope for a better future.

Christmas is about God finding a way to get closer to us so that we would draw closer to Him.

May God reveal Himself to you as you draw closer. Enjoy the Christmas service.

Take care!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thummper

Merry Christmas, Whyme!!! I hope this will be a great year for you. After the misery you've endured, you *REALLY* deserve it. (And that idea about the wet kiss is a winner!!)


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## weightlifter

Merry Christmas Whyeme!

Hoping the new year brings you more new hope and less crazy.


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## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> Take her behind the baptistry and lay a big wet kiss on her.


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## whyeme

Yeah I sort of asked the girl from church out and it went nowhere, doesn't feel the same way about me speech  never mind carry on onwards and upwards and all that!!

Feelin a bit down but don't regret it that's for sure  ironically there is a woman at church who does like me but has 3 kids, I don't think I could handle that, she is nice and all that but I don't think I could cope!!


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## thummper

I don't know about that. I married a wonderful woman with five kids, and we're still together 30 years later! Even had one of our own!


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## weightlifter

Whyeme. It will happen. BTW. House parties for the win. Keep expanding that social circle.


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## happyman64

Whyeme

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again......"



HM


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## whyeme

HM, 

Thats how I am looking at it, she said she wanted to find a nice guys as friends to restore her faith in men. on Facebook this morning so I thought f**k it will give it a try!! I will still try again she has been badly hurt so there is quite a large wall up in front of her, she didn't say never she just said not at the moment so fingers crossed, you never know!!


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## BashfulB

Don't pursue her Whyme. I've found that a gal will sometimes turn you down the first time as sort of a test to see if you are the kind of guy who will remain friendly and available. Or she may have a guy already and wants to let you down easy. Just continue being friendly and charming. 

Work on your self esteem. Keep working out , building muscle, getting in shape. Chat with all the ladies at church, smile and be courteous and approachable. If you demonstrate consistency, solidness and self-confidence, she will eventually come around....or some other gal will!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

BashfulBull that is exactly how I was going to play it! I played it down and will remain just the way I was before nothing has changed  we get on well so I am not going to lose a friend over it its not like I am heart broken or anything nothing ventured nothing gained! She has been badly hurt so I might as well carry on building a friendship with her and see if it goes beyond that one day.

I am going on a super cleanse now after christmas then I am going for working out a hell of a lot more than I do now, switching from Cardio to building out my muscle now as the fat % has dropped quite nicely and to a decent level just bought some weights so can train at home when i can't get to the gym. 

As you said she will either come around or I might find another nice girl instead, its the beginning of the game I was hardly hoping to hit a home run that quickly!!


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## manticore

agree with bashfulbull don't push her but stay around her and don't let her off the hook, also don't stop looking for other good candidates one never knows what the future holds for you.

I have to say that I am glad for you that you are finally able to see other women as possible partners and you are sucessfully detaching from your STBXW, I was kind of afraid when you wrote in previous posts about looking for threads where the BS had raised the OM's child, thank GOD you are now able to see your STBXW for what she is a selfish and capricious woman who didn't deserve the devotion you were wasting on here.

Keep moving on and wish you a happy new year, 2014 is full of possibilities


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## happyman64

Whyeme

There is a time and place for everything.

Sure the church gal has a wall around her.

She also knows as well as you do that you have unfinished business to clean up as well.

Focus on you. Focus on your daughter.

Finish your marriage and put your STBX in the Ex category where she belongs. You will feel so much better when all you have to with her is coparent.

get your mind and body in the best place and the relationship card will fall into place.

Remember, you do not want a relationship to fill in a hole that you have right now.

Fix the holes yourself and then a relationship will be everything you are looking for.

And you will be ready for the right girl.

I am sure "church lady" needs to heal as well.

HM


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## weightlifter

Do player 101 on her whyeme. Imagine using bad tools for good. Once healed more of course.

Oh and i mean it about house parties. You need to get some. It will do your ego good which becomes a self feeding loop. Dont overdo. Women are leery of men with 999 sex partners.


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## whyeme

Go on weightlifter what on earth is player 101!!! 

The problem with house parties is you need local friends all mine live 50 miles away where I work and not local!! Trying to find some new friends at the moment that is the key me thinks!!


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## BashfulB

Why do you live so far from work? Another concession made to the ex?


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## whyeme

We tried moving about 3-4 years ago but couldn't sell the house because of the housing market crash, now I can't because of the ex seeing D11 she wouldn't let me move she has said  !!

I live in a city but its a small city and has no real business district so getting a decent paying job in my sector is hard, in fact its one of the poorest in the UK but is in between 4 of the UK's major citys all of them are within 1 hour commute so it is good for me from that side of things! I have commuted for 8 years now its a nightmare but I just live with it!!


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## Nucking Futs

If this goes through



whyeme said:


> Oh its worse than that stbxw text me a few minutes ago to say that this morning *D11 said she had been reading how she can stop her mum from doing anything to her, she has told stbxw that if she loves her then she wants her to give up her parental responsibility (parent rights as D11 called them)!
> *
> You got to love Google!! she basically wants stbxw to just not be her mum anymore. I just said I am not getting involved, if D11 needs my help I will will be there for her but I will not betray her by assisting stbxw.


this won't be an issue any more.



whyeme said:


> We tried moving about 3-4 years ago but couldn't sell the house because of the housing market crash, now *I can't because of the ex seeing D11 she wouldn't let me move she has said  *!!
> 
> I live in a city but its a small city and has no real business district so getting a decent paying job in my sector is hard, in fact its one of the poorest in the UK but is in between 4 of the UK's major citys all of them are within 1 hour commute so it is good for me from that side of things! I have commuted for 8 years now its a nightmare but I just live with it!!


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## whyeme

Feeling really down this evening!! arghhhh feeling like I am going insane  !!


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## happyman64

whyeme said:


> Feeling really down this evening!! arghhhh feeling like I am going insane  !!


You are not going insane.

Step back and just chill.

Spend time with your kid and try not to think of your crazy Exw for a while.

HM


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## whyeme

Lol not thinking of the crazy ex to be honest just feeling a bit down, D11 is reading lol I just got told off by her for disturbing her so thats out lol!!


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## happyman64

Women.

Cannot live with them.

Cannot live without them.

And I know. One wife and 3 daughters under one roof.

Oh the joys of the holidays.

Peace to you Whyeme.

HM


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## BashfulB

whyeme said:


> Lol not thinking of the crazy ex to be honest just feeling a bit down, D11 is reading lol I just got told off by her for disturbing her so thats out lol!!


I'm going through the same weird stuff Whyme. I don't necessarily think about my ex, but I sometimes have fits of anxiety that will often last a few hours. I think it's mostly just residual trauma from the whole fiasco. I combat mine by getting out and power-walking.

You have alot on your plate, coupled with the nervousness of the holidays. What you are feeling is emotional burnout. 

I'm with you my friend.


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## whyeme

Oh yeah just got a house party going on new years eve!! and I got my friend from church coming. Its only a small gathering more kids than adults lol but we are going to have a laugh, its officially called "screw 2013, 2014 is going to be the best year of our lives house party"

Needless to say she is mega excited about it so hopefully that is a gooood sign, now to show the fun outside of church me off  !!


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## bandit.45

Find a date somewhere and invite her to the party. Test how much of a friend church girl really is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

bandit.45 said:


> Find a date somewhere and invite her to the party. Test how much of a friend church girl really is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Women want men who other women want.


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## bandit.45

weightlifter said:


> Women want men who other women want.


He's got to show her he's a commodity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manticore

weightlifter said:


> Women want men who other women want.


guys don't know if this case applies this strategy, if she as he says is so hurt and fearful (of being hurt again) of men and in years she has not dated any man, the fact that after he invited her and was told that she was not ready and days later he just begin to date other women could make her think that she was right and he was just after her body and he is as b*stard as all men are.


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## bandit.45

I'm not saying he has to have sex with the date on the living room floor, but just having another female there in a platonic way may up his sex rank.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> He's got to show her he's a commodity.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hello McFly!
:iagree::iagree:


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## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> I'm not saying he has to have sex with the date on the living room floor, but just having another female there in a platonic way may up his sex rank.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He has to show he has options as much as he is hurting this has to be the move on point.


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## whyeme

Lol ironically the other person coming along is the girl who I know does fancy me from church so think I have covered that bit!!

She has been very hurt, I am going to play it cool she says she wants to meet guys who are actually nice to help restore her faith in us blokes, I am going to work that angle flirt a bit and have a ton of fun with her and the kids and see if seeing the outside of church me helps me out!! we get on well so I am hoping this shows her there is more to me than she realised and that we could be good together!!! 

Plus she gets to see my nice house lol, now I all I need is a Ferrari on the drive just kidding! she is definitely not a money grabbing type of girl probably one of the reasons I like her so much she is so different to my ex!!


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## bandit.45

Don't get your hopes up though... It doesn't sound like she's into you. Sounds like she was letting you down easy. I would move on and forget about a deeper relationship with her. 

I recommend as soon as your D is final you sell that house when you have positive equity in it and mov closer to your job. It would be good for you and good for D11 to get away from the crazy ex. After the baby comes she won't care where you and D11 go. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

Bandit I know that myself I have not got deep feelings for her or anything tomorrow night is 3 people who have had crap years celebrating this cr*ppy year out and having a laugh so whatever happens I intend to have a blast!!

I am not going to do anything that might jeopardize my friendship with her, she is a great person to have as a friend and at the moment I am trying to build a local friends network again 

I don't think I will be able to move, I need my parents help so that I can keep a full time job down, also D11 will not let me sell the house she loves it too much and every time I have suggested moving I get a lot of anger. I think the last thing she needs is more turmoil in her life!!


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## bandit.45

As for this gal you fancy, be friends but keep your distance. I'm more concerned about you setting yourself up for disappointment than I am worried about you hurting her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

And remember your the parent. You choose what is best for you and your daughter. Your kid has way too much input in your decision making. You're not her friend, you are her parent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

Yeah I am as well which is why I am not going to try, just see what happens and where life takes us  who knows miracles have happened!!! I was looking for friends and am starting to make them which at the moment I think is more important than relationships anyway, I think relationships will come on their own once I am out and about more and meeting people which will boost my confidence.

With regards to D11, I have looked at renting and she was up for that as long as I didn't sell our family home, I could rent somewhere on the money after this house was rented out as I need to downscale anyway as the house I live in is way too big for 2 people.

The main issue with moving 50 miles up the road is her not having easy access to my parents, I think that would cause her a lot of harm at the moment! My mum is like a rock to her and is making up for what I can't give her such as the female advise etc... she is at a difficult age last thing she needed was what stbxw did.


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## bandit.45

Just hang a garlic wreath on the front door of the house. That should keep your ex away from the place.


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## whyeme

No need, sure my ex will be far far away lol she hasn't visited our planet in nearly 10 months still up there in lala land!!


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## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> No need, sure my ex will be far far away lol she hasn't visited our planet in nearly 10 months still up there in lala land!!


Good. Hopefully her and her unholy brood will relocate to Transylvania where they belong.


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## whyeme

Or the Jeremy Kyle show (UK Jerry Springer equivalent for those not sure), I could see her on there in a couple of years with some other poor suckers kid in tow. Can't believe I married such a skank


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## sandc

whyeme said:


> Lol ironically the other person coming along is the girl who I know does fancy me from church so think I have covered that bit!!
> 
> She has been very hurt, I am going to play it cool she says she wants to meet guys who are actually nice to help restore her faith in us blokes, I am going to work that angle flirt a bit and have a ton of fun with her and the kids and see if seeing the outside of church me helps me out!! we get on well so I am hoping this shows her there is more to me than she realised and that we could be good together!!!
> 
> Plus she gets to see my nice house lol, now I all I need is a Ferrari on the drive just kidding! she is definitely not a money grabbing type of girl probably one of the reasons I like her so much she is so different to my ex!!


You're going to "work an angle" on a girl that's been hurt by men in the past? Really? If you're going to work an angle, why not work it on a woman who's expecting you to work an angle? Not some poor girl who's been hurt? Haven't you been hurt? Would you like someone trying to manipulate you into a relationship?


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

sandc said:


> You're going to "work an angle" on a girl that's been hurt by men in the past? Really? If you're going to work an angle, why not work it on a woman who's expecting you to work an angle? Not some poor girl who's been hurt? Haven't you been hurt? Would you like someone trying to manipulate you into a relationship?


I can't speak for whyeme, but I'm guessing that he already knows that they have one big thing in common. They both have been hurt by the person that had vowed not to hurt them.

We're in the same boat kind of attraction.


----------



## sandc

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I can't speak for whyeme, but I'm guessing that he already knows that they have one big thing in common. They both have been hurt by the person that had vowed not to hurt them.
> 
> We're in the same boat kind of attraction.


Cool. I just don't want to see someone else get hurt to help alleviate wheme's hurt. That wouldn't be right.

whyme, don't "try". Just let it happen organically. Be yourself. You shouldn't have to try.


----------



## whyeme

The angle I am working is being myself guys nothing sinister  I would not lie to her, I am an honest caring person who stupidly picked a vindictive b*tch as an ex wife who used me I refuse to let my heart by permanently scarred because of her. 

I will not do anything to hurt her, I want to just be me and I have the chance to be in a non church setting and just be me if, it is strange although I am myself at church we don't get a lot of time to chat so I feel she is not getting to know me so tomorrow should be fun. 

I don't want or need to be anything else other than myself its fake and those type of people always get caught out!!


----------



## bandit.45

Get a little dog. A Pom or a Yorkie. Carry him around inside your jacket. Cute little dogs warm the hearts of single women. Great way to meet honeys at the market.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

bandit your comments always make me smile!! thats class but I think I will pass not a dog lover I am afraid, shame my little girl is 11 it seems the average age for kids who have parents my age is 5-6  otherwise could go to kids play places there seem to be lots of single mums there!!

Always dating sites, might hit them up in the new year even if it is just for a few dates to get my head back in the game, and my confidence up as it has been 12 years since I dated somebody so I am a little out of practice!!


----------



## weightlifter

They dont have house parties in UK? 

Seirously many a betrayed male here has made 1) a buncha male friends when they had none in their marriage days and 2) one of the females in said social circles what just fine with being chatted up and fvcked in a car. 

Confidence begets confidence. 

Anyway.

I wish you a happy new year and 2014 is the year of Whyeme!


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> bandit your comments always make me smile!! thats class but I think I will pass not a dog lover I am afraid, shame my little girl is 11 it seems the average age for kids who have parents my age is 5-6  otherwise could go to kids play places there seem to be lots of single mums there!!
> 
> Always dating sites, might hit them up in the new year even if it is just for a few dates to get my head back in the game, and my confidence up as it has been 12 years since I dated somebody so I am a little out of practice!!


Can you fuse some interest you have with meeting women. Are you into trekking or caravaning? Do they have such clubs in the town you live in? It would be a good way to get out with D11 and meet women at the same time. How about book clubs?


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## bandit.45

I know!

Grow sideburns, get your hair styled like Colin Firth's and walk around in a wet puffy shirt. 

The women will be throwin' it at ya!


----------



## whyeme

All I can say is last night was brilliant, it has to be the best new years ever I have ever had!!

Church girl was odly strange, we talked ALL night literally and she was very inquisitive of a lot of things she even at 1 point asked if I was still friends with my ex on Facebook as she thought it would be fun to wind her up!! I was good there though and said nope I did some spring cleaning and her and anything to do with her is gone off my Facebook and although having fun was fine I had no interest in getting any sort of reaction out of her.

She invited me out with her on Friday with the little one and said we need to go and see a fortune teller together which was a bit strange!! Sounds like we could have a load of fun though so obviously I had to agree


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## phillybeffandswiss

No, not odd at all.


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## bandit.45

Sounds like she may be coming around to you. 

Glad you enjoyed yourself Whyme. You deserve some fun. Did you make sure to chat up the other women at the party?

She was probably acting strange and doing what she could to keep your mind focused on her and not the other women there. Be careful with this one Whyme. Don't let her manipulate you. Have you looked into her background? Did her last relationship really end for the reasons she gave you? Don't take anything for granted. You can't be risking your heart right now when it's so injured.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

that is what I was thinking Bandit, it was D11 who also commented this morning that church girl was asking lots and lots of questions about me and my past, I felt like I was in an interrogation lol that had to be some sort of sign, I answered pretty honestly and the weird thing was she was very very hateful about my ex as well even though she never knew her!! that was very odd or I thought it was.

I know her past moderately well, the little girl from this relationship was an accident that she feels very blessed for she thought it was a sign from god  the dad of this child is a b*stard who has hurt the little girl really badly and church girl is very angry for what he has done to her little girl. She has not been in a relationship for 5 years now and I know she is very scared, she has been asked out on dates and declined them all because she feels she is not ready as she doesn't trust men.

I am not 100% sure that my attempt at asking her for a date and being knocked back 100% because of who I am or anything like that, I think I was knocked back due to her trust issues with men this wall seems to be quite a big 1 to climb!!

We had a great time, she says on facebook it was the best new years she has ever had so that has to be good at least as I have to agree it was for me as well


----------



## happyman64

Congratulations Whyeme.

You have just taken the first step in moving on with your life.

Make 2014 great.

And do not be in a rush to sell the house.

You may need the extra room..... 

HM


----------



## bandit.45

You need to be reeeeeel careful with this gal Whyme. Five years and she is still hurting from this guy? Five years and she still hasn't gotten over him? She has had five years to date other men and heal herself and move on, and she has not....

Her excuses for keeping you at arms length are bvllshyte. Here's what I think: she knows you fancy her. She sorta halfway likes you but not enough to want to date you because you are not an abusive jerk and therefore not the kind of man who feeds her poor self image. She would not know what to do with a good hearted man like you because she has never had anyone treat her nicely. But she's going to string you along, giving you just enough hope, so that you will wait around and not date other women and she can get around to you when all other choices fail. 

Nah. This chick has baggage you don't need. Stay away from her. Don't go with her on Friday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

I think Whyeme needs to be real careful with any gal Bandit.

Especially for his daughters sake.

Any new relationship has its risks. Sure she is damaged. She is a single Mom that obviously does not trust easily.

Nothing wrong with that.

I would be more concerned how she got herself in that single mom situation, how she has conducted herself these past few years.

That determines her character.

And I would be curious what she thinks she will find out from a physchic??? That will be interesting.

Just go slow Whyeme and have some fun.
.hM


----------



## bandit.45

A relationship between two people who really click is effortless, enjoyable and lacking in doubt. That's not what this woman is offering Whyme. She's distrustful, awkward, mincing...

Why should you have to work so hard? 

Whyeme when a woman digs you, really digs you, she does most of the work and makes you feel like a million bucks. I don't see where this woman is doing that. A healthy relationship should be easygoing and effortless. You barely know this gal and already she has imposed restrictions on you. 

Nah. Shake the dust off your sandals and move on. Find a woman without all the hang-ups. You are a man with a daughter looking for love, not to be someone's psychologist or Father Confessor.... 

Don't settle for a half-azz, cut-rate relationship where you end up doing most of the work. That's what you just came out of for Christ's sake! There's a woman out here who wants to rock your world and make you feel like a man.


----------



## whyeme

I know what you mean, she is a bit damaged goods!! at the moment as I said taking this like friends but we do get on really really well and have so much in common! she was doing most of the work last night, she constantly kept talking to me she even asked me to go out and do stuff with her so she is sort of doing the work now if you asked me. She did keep my attention away from the other girl in the room as well which was quite funny!

I think me asking her out was a bit out of the blue almost a bit of a shock to her and she said to my other friend she was a little embarrassed as she didn't know I had feelings for her, I am looking for love and fun I will never ever be second best again and I am not going to get hurt here if I have learned anything about the experience with my ex its that it is better to start out as a friend not rush in to ANYTHING and get to know the person not go 1000 miles an hour into anything like I did with the ex!

Having a couple of local friends is going to be great though  step in the right direction if you ask me I have gone from no friends local to 2 and counting and am making new friends at church as well!!


----------



## bandit.45

Good attitude brother. 

Just take care of yourself and your daughter. Never sell yourself short again. Keep it light and friendly with this chick, but be ready to bail if you have to.


----------



## happyman64

"Be ready to bail if he needs to"??? 

How about we say "never accept crap from anyone in a relationship and be strong enough to end that relationship if that other person is making you unhappy".....

Because it would be far worse to have future relationships Whyeme if you always have one of your feet out the door.....


----------



## whyeme

HM I couldn't agree with you more, I would rather put 100% in to something but I know what to look for now and am definitely stronger and can end something if it starts to go south, I know the red cards and so far yes church girl is broken but who of us isn't if we didn't have problems we wouldn't be in this forum!! maybe just maybe she needs to be shown that all men are not a*seholes, that some of us will treat her like she deserved to be treated before she was scarred and maybe she will repay that by doing the same for me and that might break the cycle of hurt and pain we have both been through? long shot but who knows and I have no commitment so am always flirting and on the lookout!!

At the end of the day if we judge everyone on their past then we are no better than the people who betrayed us! I would rather stay positive and keep my guard up than give up on people completely


----------



## jim123

Whyme,

In order to move on with a good woman, you need to file you D. She will never take you as a serious partner as long as you are married.

Woman want relationships.


----------



## whyeme

Jim

Just working on that at the moment financial issues are stopping me but another couple of months and I will be filing, I can't wait to get that ball in motion and that b*tch as much out of my life as is possible!!

Church girl is very aware of that side of things, I don't think many girls would have an issue seeing that stbxw is very obviously gone and never coming back!! what sane bloke would take that train wreck back after what she has done.


----------



## jim123

Good news. Your X will move on from her loser sooner or later.

I can not imagine being 24 years old (now 25) and the best I can do is a married woman 7 years older than me.

I would have been a laughing stock. My parents would have disowned me.

The fact his parents are happy about this more than likely means they are excited he is no longer dating his blow up doll.

Once you get your life together, you will look back and say why do I put up with her.


----------



## whyeme

Well as long as she doesn't come sniffing around here I couldn't care if they break up or live happily ever after, there is only 1 place they will be going at the end of this life and I heard it is pretty warm down there! 

I will never understand how POSOM could live with himself for what he has done to D11 it must take a special kind of slime to be able to do this to a poor child.

Good thing is D11 seems really happy, she really came out of her shell last night and had so much fun. Church girl and my other friend both said they couldn't believe how lively she was and how opposite to how they have seen her in church so that has to be a good thing 

Very proud of her just hope her selfish b*tch of a mum doesn't come sniffing around to damage the good I have been doing for her.


----------



## bandit.45

happyman64 said:


> "Be ready to bail if he needs to"???
> 
> How about we say "never accept crap from anyone in a relationship and be strong enough to end that relationship if that other person is making you unhappy".....
> 
> Because it would be far worse to have future relationships Whyeme if you always have one of your feet out the door.....


Never get into something that you can't walk away from in less than a day. Doesn't matter if you've been in a relationship twenty days or twenty years. I learned that lesson the hard way. 

Have to disagree with you a bit on that Happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> HM I couldn't agree with you more, I would rather put 100% in to something but I know what to look for now and am definitely stronger and can end something if it starts to go south, I know the red cards and so far yes church girl is broken but who of us isn't if we didn't have problems we wouldn't be in this forum!! maybe just maybe she needs to be shown that all men are not a*seholes, that some of us will treat her like she deserved to be treated before she was scarred and maybe she will repay that by doing the same for me and that might break the cycle of hurt and pain we have both been through? long shot but who knows and I have no commitment so am always flirting and on the lookout!!
> 
> At the end of the day if we judge everyone on their past then we are no better than the people who betrayed us! I would rather stay positive and keep my guard up than give up on people completely


This is nice sentiment. But it smacks of codependency. You should only give. 100% of yourself when you are convinced that your partner is giving the same percentage. 

You are a classic white knight. This church lady is not a damsel for you to save. She needs to save herself and learn to make better choices in men. I suspect she would not know what a good man looks like if they were painted yellow and had firecrackers stuck in their butts. That's why she doesn't know what to make of you. You are a strange animal to her. It's not your job to desire her guydar.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

bandit.45 said:


> Never get into something that you can't walk away from in less than a day. Doesn't matter if you've been in a relationship twenty days or twenty years. I learned that lesson the hard way.
> 
> Have to disagree with you a bit on that Happy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I still love you Bandito.

I will think about what you have said......

And I agree with you that Whyeme needs to be careful and start looking out for himself.


----------



## turnera

bandit.45 said:


> You need to be reeeeeel careful with this gal Whyme. Five years and she is still hurting from this guy? Five years and she still hasn't gotten over him? She has had five years to date other men and heal herself and move on, and she has not....


Or...she just likes herself too much to have to cater to another man. Or she determined that she didn't want her daughter to have strange men in her life after such bad times.


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## bandit.45

turnera said:


> Or...she just likes herself too much to have to cater to another man. Or she determined that she didn't want her daughter to have strange men in her life after such bad times.


Two more valid reasons. Whyme just needs to determine if he into her more than she is with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

Cheers guys, I admit I am a bit of a white knight or used to be but I will not be saving anybody but myself now!!

That turnera is I think a big reason she does not go out with men her daughter! she said on Facebook a few months ago that she will not go out with blokes unless she finds "the one" and won't have men around her daughter that she does not know, lol love the mythical person "the one" but you know women they seem to expect everything to be like a movie when real life is just not like that!! 

I get on with her little girl really well and we have lots of fun when I see her and I think Church girl is seeing my fatherly instincts towards my own daughter and I always play and have fun with her daughter as well, this might be a bit why she opened up the other day because she was really enjoying being with my daughter and was having lots of fun 

Who knows, who cares we are friends and I am just happy to start there and see where the world takes me, I know I am still broken but hanging around 2 nice women is definitely helping my confidence level around women as I find my self chatting and flirting to strangers far more now  its not like I have asked her to move in, marry me and have kids together (I am not like my stbxw)!! 

New year, fresh start with everything I am just happy now and life seems to be pretty good!


----------



## weightlifter

IF you want her AND you have not been hopelessly friendzoned. Her daughter is the key to taking things further.

Understand she may well be like my cousin. Gorgeous but also 45 and never married. her standards were hopelessly high. She basically wanted a 1 in 10000 man and even for a pretty woman, there is a ton of competition for nice yet bad boy + rich + great looking...


----------



## Remains

whyeme said:


> that is what I was thinking Bandit, it was D11 who also commented this morning that church girl was asking lots and lots of questions about me and my past, I felt like I was in an interrogation lol that had to be some sort of sign, I answered pretty honestly and the weird thing was she was very very hateful about my ex as well even though she never knew her!! that was very odd or I thought it was.
> 
> I know her past moderately well, the little girl from this relationship was an accident that she feels very blessed for she thought it was a sign from god  the dad of this child is a b*stard who has hurt the little girl really badly and church girl is very angry for what he has done to her little girl. She has not been in a relationship for 5 years now and I know she is very scared, she has been asked out on dates and declined them all because she feels she is not ready as she doesn't trust men.


The bit about her child being an accident, a blessing, and a sign from god, could easily be your ex saying all that. I find it a bit disturbing to be honest, along with the fortune teller and the display of hate to your ex she doesn't know (hate is a strong word!! Disgust would be understandable, but hate??) and wishing to do things to wind her up?? She may be a nutter. Watch out. All nutter's exes (at least the ones who didn't do what they wanted) are bastards.

When I read your posts on this current gal, it reminded me of my man's ex. She has a daughter from a 'rape', which my man now questions the absolute truth of since he has seen her more for what she is the longer they have been split. 

Also, Christians in UK are different to ones in US. We are a pretty non religious country, unlike America where it is normal and prevalent. Every day stuff. Particularly so if they became a Christian as an adult choice rather than being brought up that way. 

The things you describe of her are giving me alarm bells. Only small ones, but definitely so. I would be aware that she may be a nutter.


----------



## turnera

whyme, it is WAY TOO SOON for you to be dating seriously. You need time alone, time to learn to be ok WITHOUT A WOMAN. If you can't do this, you will continue your harmful White Knight acts even if you say you won't do it. You have to learn to be ok being alone before you can be healthy enough to date a woman. Just read other threads - filled with men thinking they 'need' another woman but that they will take it easy and not get serious, and then they do, and then it doesn't work out because they haven't dealt with their feelings for the ex (or stbx in your part - you're still married!) and haven't dealt with their own demons in how they pick partners.

I really hope you will not go down this path, not for at least another year. If you need sex, go get it. But don't fool yourself that you can 'handle' a relationship yet.


----------



## whyeme

Remains, it probably was more disgust than hate think I was slightly over exaggerating it I thought it was kind of nice I suppose it showed she sort of cared about me that is how I took it anyway!!, especially when the father of her kid is a t*at so it is probably more how could you hurt your child like that!!

Weightlifter, I don't think I have been friendzoned it felt like it was going the opposite way the other night, not yet need advise on how to not get in that position either!! I am of the same opinion the key to her heart is her daughter be a nice person to her and interact like I do every time I see her and I hope she sees I can be trusted around her and won't hurt her, I also happen to adore her as she is really cute and we have fun so its a bonus 

And guys remember I may have only joined the forum in late August but the affair started last march and was caught in the first week of April so I am a good way towards a year now. I don't think I have ever been happier than I am now, my outlook on life is very positive and I just want to move on and have as much fun as I can !!


----------



## bandit.45

Well if you're determined....

Wet puffy shirt....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

Lol what is it with you and the wet puffy shirt!!


----------



## whyeme

Well I thought as I had not been here for a couple of weeks I would pop in!!

Strange set of developments, I have sort of met somebody the girl I mentioned a few pages ago with 3 kids, we have been talking and getting to know each other over the last few weeks since we met and well it feels great!! we are taking it very very slowly but it is amazing so far!

I can't describe what it feels like but I imagine it is what you guys were on about. We talk for literally hours and hours, we text constantly and it just feels so natural we have not gone "physical" yet well beyond sitting on the sofa holding each other. Unlike the original "church girl" who it always felt awkward with this just feels so natural although we will have to call her "new church girl" lol 

All I can say is I am happy in the first time in months and if I am honest to myself it is more like years!! she has shown me that my heart can have feelings for somebody else again and that life can feel great!!


----------



## jim123

whyeme said:


> Well I thought as I had not been here for a couple of weeks I would pop in!!
> 
> Strange set of developments, I have sort of met somebody the girl I mentioned a few pages ago with 3 kids, we have been talking and getting to know each other over the last few weeks since we met and well it feels great!! we are taking it very very slowly but it is amazing so far!
> 
> I can't describe what it feels like but I imagine it is what you guys were on about. We talk for literally hours and hours, we text constantly and it just feels so natural we have not gone "physical" yet well beyond sitting on the sofa holding each other. Unlike the original "church girl" who it always felt awkward with this just feels so natural although we will have to call her "new church girl" lol
> 
> All I can say is I am happy in the first time in months and if I am honest to myself it is more like years!! she has shown me that my heart can have feelings for somebody else again and that life can feel great!!


You have so much to offer. Give it to someone who values it versus someone who does not.

I know that this is all so hard but wait and see how everything turns out. Do not let the WW make you into someone you are not. 

In 10 years you will look back at this as a good thing as you finally have found someone who loves and appreciates you. If not this woman, it will be someone else.


----------



## bandit.45

Take it very slowly Whyme. Make sure beyond a shadow of a doubt this woman is for real, and not just a settler looking for a practical marriage to support her kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

Hi Bandit,

We are taking it very very very slow  definitely not a settler she wasn't even looking for a bloke as she had written us all off due to her previous husband !! Think I must have shown her something right!!

Its very odd we found each other by accident but we click on so many levels it is scary!!


----------



## happyman64

Scary can be good Whyeme.

How is your kid doing?


----------



## whyeme

I know HM I am not complaining its scary but in a very good way  

D11 is doing great, more compliments from her teachers the other day at parents evening about how well she is doing and how different she has become over the last few months 

Proud dad and together we are doing so much better without psycho ex who has disappeared and we have not seen at all this year!!


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> I know HM I am not complaining its scary but in a very good way
> 
> D11 is doing great, more compliments from her teachers the other day at parents evening about how well she is doing and how different she has become over the last few months
> 
> *Proud dad and together we are doing so much better without psycho ex who has disappeared and we have not seen at all this year*!!


Good. Hopefully she will stay hiding under her rock, out of sight and out of mind. 

That is until the poor schmuck she suckered into impregnating her gets tired of her crazy azz and boots her out. Then you can expect to see her again when she comes sniffing around your door.


----------



## happyman64

whyeme said:


> I know HM I am not complaining its scary but in a very good way
> 
> D11 is doing great, more compliments from her teachers the other day at parents evening about how well she is doing and how different she has become over the last few months
> 
> Proud dad and together we are doing so much better without psycho ex who has disappeared and we have not seen at all this year!!


Sad but true.

Lets come up with a new abbreviation.

WWW=WackoWaywardWife
XWWW=XWAckoWayawardWife

Glad something has put a smile on your face.


----------



## weightlifter

You need to let us know when the lance waxing takes place. No details needed besides. "I dun it and feel like a NEW MAN!"

You should stop by where loony stbxw is right after the birth. 
Her look, decked out. Possessively holding onto your arm with the "I am providing his vajajay juice now. He is MINE!"
Your look, Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.

SUCCESS is the best REVENGE!


----------



## weightlifter

Methinks your daughter works almost as good as taking a puppy to the park.

Dad having primary custody SPEAK VOLUMES to many women.

Especially if its a girl. "Girl part" issues are generally more difficult for men to deal with. You will get credit.


----------



## bandit.45

Vajajay juice? Do they can that and sell it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

bandit.45 said:


> Vajajay juice? Do they can that and sell it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't give him any more ideas! 

Then again it would probably be a great name for a new energy drink.......


----------



## bandit.45

happyman64 said:


> Don't give him any more ideas!
> 
> Then again it would probably be a great name for a new energy drink.......


Wonder if it would go good mixed with vodka?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Is there any point?*



bandit.45 said:


> Wonder if it would go good mixed with vodka?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Doesn't everything?


----------



## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> Wonder if it would go good mixed with vodka?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:


----------



## weightlifter

bfree said:


> Doesn't everything?


Ill have a vagina juice and Vodka, hold the olive.

BTW

expect a low point when she births the kid.

Dont be too surprised if original church lady show more interest. Women want men that other women want.


----------



## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> Take it very slowly Whyme. Make sure beyond a shadow of a doubt this woman is for real, and not just a settler looking for a practical marriage to support her kids.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:
Do not become the classic "beta provider"
Otherwise have fun.


----------



## whyeme

Cheers guys always make me smile 

And it is funny, you guys told me to flirt with the other woman and how freaky is it that I get on so amazingly well with the other woman far better than the original church lady lets put it that way!! plus she did the initial chasing which was nice, bit of an ego boost which probably helped me!!

I feel like I have learned so much from this experience, it may have hurt like hell, questioned everything I ever believed (and destroyed a lot of it) but I feel like I am coming out of the darkness now so as usual you guys were very right!!


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> Cheers guys always make me smile
> 
> And it is funny, you guys told me to flirt with the other woman and how freaky is it that I get on so amazingly well with the other woman far better than the original church lady lets put it that way!! plus she did the initial chasing which was nice, bit of an ego boost which probably helped me!!
> 
> I feel like I have learned so much from this experience, it may have hurt like hell, questioned everything I ever believed (and destroyed a lot of it) but I feel like I am coming out of the darkness now so as usual you guys were very right!!


Well, if anything this has disproven the silly fallacy that steered you for so long: the idea that no other woman would want you... that only your WW could love you. 

Well this new lady seems to dig you alot, and it won't be long before she catches you alone and anawares, pushes you back onto the bed, and jumps your bones.


----------



## weightlifter

bro expect that low when she births the child!

If you know its coming the impact will be much lower.


----------



## weightlifter

bandit.45 said:


> Well, if anything this has disproven the silly fallacy that steered you for so long: the idea that no other woman would want you... that only your WW could love you.
> 
> Well this new lady seems to dig you alot, and it won't be long before she catches you alone and anawares, pushes you back onto the bed, and jumps your bones.


And after your drought. Your first go, you will prolly look like you are having a seizure!

Ohhhhh holllllllyyyyyyyyyy.....


----------



## bandit.45

weightlifter said:


> And after your drought. Your first go, you will prolly look like you are having a seizure!
> 
> Ohhhhh holllllllyyyyyyyyyy.....


She'll be walking funny for a few days afterwards...:rofl:


----------



## weightlifter

Sir Smilinalott
Lady Bowlegged!


----------



## whyeme

Lol you guys are so funny! you all have helped me so much through what I can definitely say was the lowest point in my life don't know what I would have done without this place to vent and get advise!!

Well all I can say is I am sooo happy at the moment, we are taking it slow but this girl is nuts about me and I am about her as well, we are spending all day tomorrow together until late  and same next Friday possibly even an overnight stay as we are both going to be kid free!! she is so like me its scary, same sense of humour (well she has one unlike the ex), we get on like a house on fire and even before we officially made ourselves a couple people could tell!! and although she has 3 kids that for some strange reason does not scare me at all in fact I am really enjoying it!! 

It is strange I nearly lost her a few weeks ago because I wanted to get 1 up on my wife as in I wanted the younger beautiful looking model, now I couldn't care what she thinks!! Ironically this girl is 18 months older than me, she might not be a model but she is certainly very pretty and I would say better looking than my ex thats for sure (even prettier as she doesn't look like a pregnant hippo) but I would take her personality over anything physical she is just brilliant, so full of life and confidence and she has bought that back in to me which has been missing for so many years and although it was returning slowly since I got over the ex she has made it come back 100x faster!!

All I can say to you guys is thanks and I will keep you guys updated, just say that so far this sorry story is starting to have a much happier ending like you guys predicted 

Thanks!!!


----------



## azteca1986

whyeme said:


> It is strange I nearly lost her a few weeks ago because I wanted to get 1 up on my wife as in I wanted the younger beautiful looking model, *now I couldn't care what she thinks!!*


Just as it should be.



> All I can say to you guys is thanks and I will keep you guys updated, just say that so far this sorry story is starting to have a much happier ending like you guys predicted
> 
> Thanks!!!


Best of luck to you and your extraordinary daughter.


----------



## WyshIknew

whyeme said:


> Lol you guys are so funny! you all have helped me so much through what I can definitely say was the lowest point in my life don't know what I would have done without this place to vent and get advise!!
> 
> Well all I can say is I am sooo happy at the moment, we are taking it slow but this girl is nuts about me and I am about her as well, we are spending all day tomorrow together until late  and same next Friday possibly even an overnight stay as we are both going to be kid free!! she is so like me its scary, same sense of humour (well she has one unlike the ex), we get on like a house on fire and even before we officially made ourselves a couple people could tell!! and although she has 3 kids that for some strange reason does not scare me at all in fact I am really enjoying it!!
> 
> It is strange I nearly lost her a few weeks ago because I wanted to get 1 up on my wife as in I wanted the younger beautiful looking model, now I couldn't care what she thinks!! Ironically this girl is 18 months older than me, she might not be a model but she is certainly very pretty and I would say better looking than my ex thats for sure (even prettier as she doesn't look like a pregnant hippo) but I would take her personality over anything physical she is just brilliant, so full of life and confidence and she has bought that back in to me which has been missing for so many years and although it was returning slowly since I got over the ex she has made it come back 100x faster!!
> 
> All I can say to you guys is thanks and I will keep you guys updated, just say that so far this sorry story is starting to have a much happier ending like you guys predicted
> 
> Thanks!!!


Great update whyeme.

Just shows that this stuff about younger and hotter is just so unimportant.

What matters is that she is a woman you love, who loves you back with all her heart.

And if your ex was going to be jealous of a younger hotter model she will also be jealous of this one. Especially when she sees how amazingly you get on together.
I suspect this will also attract your daughter who will also come to love this woman. (That will piss your wife off even more.)

Her tough shet! Two adulterers together, unless they are careful they will have a crap life together.


----------



## weightlifter

>we get on like a house on fire and even before we officially made ourselves a couple people could tell!! <

So you are an official bf/gf?

>even an overnight stay<
#sniff sniff. Is that SEX I smell?
Cause someone is talking like they got their lance waxed!

Am I right? (Yes/no) is sufficient. Not looking to turn the thread into a porn novel.



WyshIknew said:


> Great update whyeme.
> 
> Just shows that this stuff about younger and hotter is just so unimportant.
> 
> What matters is that she is a woman you love, who loves you back with all her heart.
> 
> And if your ex was going to be jealous of a younger hotter model she will also be jealous of this one. Especially when she sees how amazingly you get on together.
> I suspect this will also attract your daughter who will also come to love this woman. (That will piss your wife off even more.)
> 
> Her tough shet! Two adulterers together, unless they are careful they will have a crap life together.


Younger and hotter is a big bonus but in the end of the day. The median looking female with B boobs who loves you, understands you, and absolutely fvcks our brains out at every opportunity beats the younger supermodel who kind of likes you.


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> .... we are spending all day tomorrow together until late  and same next Friday possibly even an overnight stay as we are both going to be kid free!!


Whyme's gonna get some....:bounce:

he's gonna get some...:yay:

Whyme's gonna get some...

he's gonna get some...:circle:


----------



## whyeme

Lol weightlifter and bandit you always make me laugh!!

I agree that's what put me off the original church girl she was stunning but there were more and more red flags appearing and her attitude started to get on my nerves, ironically I was getting on better and better with the person I had just met and am now with! like you guys said it should just feel natural and you shouldn't have to try and thats exactly what this has been like  its amazing!! PS I think her boobs are a bit bigger than a B 

Yes we made us officially bf/gf on Tuesday! D11 and her S15 already guessed there was more to us than friends!! her S15 had been telling her to ask me out because "you would be stupid if you dont" which I thought was great!! and D11 guessed after seeing us together on Sunday at church.

We apparently look very happy when we are together, if you saw her body language on Sunday she made it pretty obvious if I had held my arm out we would have been cuddling she was that close to me and her position meant she was leaning on me in just the right way to show every1!!

We have not announced it to the world, its our business and we are not that type of people i.e. we didn't go to Facebook tuesday night and announce it to the world!! its our business and we want to take it slow and just get to know each other but we are both soooo happy and everything feels great! I am sure people will guess over the next few weeks that we are a couple but we don't want the drama or BS!!

And to answer your question NOT YET!!! she sends me enough naughty text messages about how much she wants it but organising all of our kids to be out is like a military exercise! luckily we have next Friday together and are both kid free all day and all night so you can guess what she has been texting me and saying 

Needless to say we are both very happy, we both had ex partners who were so similar to each other (narcissistic, self centred bullies with no sense of humour) they would probably have suited each other perfectly, the only difference is she had the guts to say enough was enough and left him unlike me!! ironically our personalities come together so well, she is an extrovert so much fun and confident where as I am introvert but apparently show extrovert qualities when with the right people (from my work psyche test) which she seems to bring out as we have so much fun together and I feel like I could take on the world, we are so similar to each other that we seem to just work and "click"!!

As i said its early days but we are having so much fun and just enjoying ourselves


----------



## weightlifter

#mental note

Tease Whyeme Sat Morning Feb 1.

After this much time. That first "shot" you will probably look like you are having an epileptic fit.

Enjoy bro!

Note the difference peeps! Look where he was a few months ago. Imagine what finally getting his lance waxed is gonna do for him!

Pvssy juice: The superglue for a mans shattered ego.


----------



## weightlifter

#mental note

Tease Whyeme Sat Morning Feb 1.

After this much time. That first "shot" you will probably look like you are having an epileptic fit.

Enjoy bro!

Note the difference peeps! Look where he was a few months ago. Imagine what finally getting his lance waxed is gonna do for him!

Pvssy juice: The superglue for a mans shattered ego.


----------



## weightlifter

BTW red flags of church girl 1.0?

Define them.


----------



## weightlifter

BTW red flags of church girl 1.0?

Define them.


----------



## treyvion

weightlifter said:


> #mental note
> 
> Tease Whyeme Sat Morning Feb 1.
> 
> After this much time. That first "shot" you will probably look like you are having an epileptic fit.
> 
> Enjoy bro!
> 
> Note the difference peeps! Look where he was a few months ago. Imagine what finally getting his lance waxed is gonna do for him!
> 
> Pvssy juice: The superglue for a mans shattered ego.


The last statement while kinda rough and insensitive is very true.

"New" juice is good for a man who has been betrayed or dumped, it will heal him very quickly.

Still to be on the safe side, I would say as long as you spent in bad and unfair relationships you need to spend in good and healthy and positive relationships to make up for all the damage...

Alot of the damage is reversed rather quickly when a new one affirms you and takes care of you.


----------



## bandit.45

weightlifter said:


> Pvssy juice: The superglue for a mans shattered ego.


And it goes good mixed with vodka?


----------



## whyeme

Yes weightlifter the more time I spent with her outside of church the more red flags showed up, she made comments such as "I can't go for a man who is good for my daughter because I won't like them so I am going to wait until she is 10-11 before I date so I can get my type of man" for example, I read that as I want an @rsehole but they will probably hurt my daughter so when shes a bit older it won't matter!!

She also quizzed D11 and asked some quite insensitive uncomfortable questions that I was not impressed by, current now GF was there and even said to me after she couldn't believe that she asked them.

I just found her very shallow, not my type and the more I got to know her the less I liked!! luckily if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have met my now GF so there is 1 positive thing she did 

And you are both right, the damage is undone very quickly when you are with some1 who genuinely cares about you and wants you for you  

I think it feels different this time around because when I met my ex I was 19 we were just kids so grew apart over the years and as she failed to change me in to what she wanted she became angry with me and kept pushing me and pushing me! now that I am with some1 similar age but so many years later you know who you are, what you want in life and because we are so similar you can see it feels right without worrying!!

Its just great  after the mess of what my ex did I can't believe how great the road to recovery is feeling now!!


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> "I can't go for a man who is good for my daughter because I won't like them so I am going to wait until she is 10-11 before I date so I can get my type of man" for example, I read that as I want an @rsehole but they will probably hurt my daughter so when shes a bit older it won't matter!!


 WTF?!

Wow....

You dodged a bullet there mate.


----------



## bfree

Younger and hotter aren't necessarily better.


----------



## whyeme

There were other red flags, she is fine as a friend but definitely not somebody I would have wanted to go further with! I think my ability to spot red flags has been increased thanks to the mess of my ex!!

And there is nothing wrong with my new GF, I find her hot anyway and that is all that matters


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> There were other red flags, she is fine as a friend but definitely not somebody I would have wanted to go further with! I think my ability to spot red flags has been increased thanks to the mess of my ex!!
> 
> And there is nothing wrong with my new GF, I find her hot anyway and that is all that matters


She's gonna tear you up in bed I predict.


----------



## treyvion

bfree said:


> Younger and hotter aren't necessarily better.


Yes. What does it do for you and what are the various costs to you?


----------



## weightlifter

bandit.45 said:


> She's gonna tear you up in bed I predict.


We all hope he is lying in bed Feb 1. Unable to move from sheer exhaustion. Then she gets on top of him and straddles him anyway...

Like that scene in Cheech and Chong when he was the "ET the extra testicle" A bunch of goes later he is trying to escape... she drags him back for more... LOL

Her kids being on board with her dating you is a great sign. Even if its a 6 month thing. Dude starting this past Tuesday and going on... You are going to heal at a rate you thought impossible 6 months ago.

We all want what is best for ya bro!


----------



## weightlifter

08-14-2013, 02:43 AM 


whyeme said:


> Hi,
> 
> I have been a reader on the forum for the last couple of months but thought I would tell my story as it has gone from bad to worse!!
> 
> So in late Feb/Early March my Wife goes for a new job and has to do an intensive 3 week training course. On this she is "partnered" up with somebody and gets on with the training, beginning of March she miscarried our child, only 9 weeks in but still it hurts like hell to have happened as we have been trying for several years without success just miscarriages even though doctors confirm nothing is wrong with either of us. My wife lets her guard down and takes sympathy and cries on the OM shoulder about the miscarriage as I was stuck at work 70 miles up the road.
> 
> Mid March I get the ILYBNIW speech and that we can remain best friends and all that crap! I try as everyone does to fix the issues but nothing is working. She has to speak to her course partner every night to discuss work that day etc... and her phone was going mad with SMS from OM and course friends. I started to get suspicious as she always went in to a quiet room and closed the door when on the phone, getting more and more suspicious early April I hacked in to her Facebook account and saw a conversation with her and her friend about this "wonderful" guy etc... and how all her friends had now met him and how great he was compared to me! this is at 4:30 in the morning as I have not been sleeping properly at this point for weeks!
> 
> So that night I confronted her, she was apologetic but refused to end the affair, admitting to it but that she had not slept with him it was purely an EA at this point. I tried for 3 weeks to end it doing everything wrong (I realise that now after finding MA) and she moves out with OM early May.
> 
> I have improved myself and stuck to trying to get better and fixing all the things that annoyed her and have successfully done it except for the biggie which is that she wants another baby and I have not been able to give her that. Nothing on my wifes side has changed, she won't contemplate any change but there was the odd positive moment but nothing major.
> 
> 3 weeks ago I find out that she is 6 weeks pregnant and now engaged to OM! We already have a daughter 10 who is living with me due to having what can only be described as pure hatred for her Mum for what she has done.
> 
> Is there any point now, I feel like if I pursue then this unborn child is going to be deprived of its Dad and that is so against my morals that I cannot stand for it but now my little girl is deprived of her Mum and the stability of a family.
> 
> I was doing well up until this bomb was dropped on me Saturday losing nearly 4 stone in weight, being the best Dad I could and running the house single hand-idly but now I feel it was all for nothing.
> 
> Anybody any suggestions, I want to just take my daughter and run away to give her a new start somewhere else. My D10 is being bullied at school due to her Mums actions and to be honest the thought of seeing my W pregnant makes me physically sick as we wanted it for so long.
> 
> Anybody got any advise?


Anyone remember this guy? The one who wanted to drive into a bridge pillar on August 20?

The road is long. The road is painful. The road is agony. The road does lead up and out if you are willing to take it, realize you CAN be loved and desired again and believe...


----------



## weightlifter

bandit.45 said:


> And it goes good mixed with vodka?


It goes good with LOTS of things.


----------



## whyeme

lol no I don't recognise that guy, hes 4 stones lighter than then to start with lol  love hitting the gym now 

Got to say it is still hard to read that but only because it brings back some of them horrible memories!!


----------



## bfree

That's all they are now....memories. You've turned that page and started on a new chapter. I don't want to sound all paternalistic but damn I'm proud of you!


----------



## weightlifter

bfree said:


> That's all they are now....memories. You've turned that page and started on a new chapter. I don't want to sound all paternalistic but damn I'm proud of you!


Wish I could like that 100 times.

That is my whole point.

Look at that memory. Really LOOK AT IT!

Look at today! You are sexting a woman who wants to FVCK YOUR BRAINS OUT!


----------



## weightlifter

Indulge us OP. Lot of us like it when one of our charges is about to fledge.

This is kind of a forum post party!


----------



## whyeme

lol fair enough it is good fun


----------



## bandit.45

RELEASE THE KRAKKEN!!!!












AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Whew. Man that was building up a long time!!!


----------



## whyeme

Well all I can say is... There was some secret smooching at my house yesterday!!!

Due to the GF past she is saying at the moment she does not wantany sort of serious relationship just be "friends" with benefits have a laugh and see where it takes us, I am just happy having fun with her as she is a great laugh and we do get on incredibly, well scarily well!! does go hot and cold at times but I think she gets a little scared because she is liking somebody new but its fine you just ride it out lol!

Anyway she is looking forward to Friday it has turned in to a go out and have a laugh then go back to mine to watch films, to go to mine and watch films "all night" which I am pretty sure means something else lol!!

Anyway all is going well, happy camper over here and my ego is certainly getting a good fix up!!


----------



## weightlifter

Wait until you get vagina juice to seal up the cracks of the pieces of your ego.


----------



## Acabado

Count your blessings whyeme, your wife just walked away and you got your kid. Imagine being the OP of this nightmare.


----------



## weightlifter

Coudnt read past his (the guy in Acabado post on SI) third post. Too doormat. Too likely a T word too nonetheless. For me:
1) Forgive physical cheating. Unlikely.
2) daily watch my wifes belly grow with another mans baby inside her AND stick around. Not only no but actually too alien for me to even consider.

Maybe Im just an egotistical pig. Shrug. Would NOT consider being cuckolded.

You forgot that whyemes kid has blossomed massively now that Whyeme and his mom are on the case without the bad input of "mum". (I love Brit-isms)

Plus we are all cheering for him to make his first goal since...


----------



## Acabado

weightlifter said:


> Coudnt read past his (the guy in Acabado post on SI) third post. Too doormat. Too likely a T word too nonetheless. For me:
> 1) Forgive physical cheating. Unlikely.
> 2) daily watch my wifes belly grow with another mans baby inside her AND stick around. Not only no but actually too alien for me to even consider.
> 
> Maybe Im just an egotistical pig. Shrug. Would NOT consider being cuckolded.
> 
> You forgot that whyemes kid has blossomed massively now that Whyeme and his mom are on the case without the bad input of "mum". (I love Brit-isms)
> 
> Plus we are all cheering for him to make his first goal since...


It must be my english.
I'm very glad whyeme is in the place he is now. And also his daughter, I didn't forget, who while has lost a mom figure (which will likely have it's impacts long term) seems finnaly free of the dead weight this "mum" was putting on her neck and thriving.
If you read whyeme's first post there's no doubt in my mind he would have tried to "reconcile" had his WW asked for it after being dumped by OM due the pregnancy even if she refused to get an abortion. I'm glad he never had to be in that position as the folk in that thread.


----------



## weightlifter

Acabado said:


> It must be my english.
> I'm very glad whyeme is in the place he is now. And also his daughter, I didn't forget, who while has lost a mom figure (which will likely have it's impacts long term) seems finnaly free of the dead weight this "mum" was putting on her neck and thriving.
> If you read whyeme's first post there's no doubt in my mind he would have tried to "reconcile" had his WW asked for it after being dumped by OM due the pregnancy even if she refused to get an abortion. I'm glad he never had to be in that position as the folk in that thread.


Thank goodness it did not happen. I just cant begin to imagine that. Of course the one in the thread is also seeming to accept the possible plan B option too.

Look how far he AND his daughter have come.


----------



## Decorum

weightlifter said:


> Coudnt read past his (the guy in Acabado post on SI) third post. Too doormat. Too likely a T word too nonetheless. For me:





Acabado said:


> It must be my english.



No Acabado he meant the situation was so sick that he could not stomach it past the third post.


----------



## weightlifter

What Decorum said. Reading that thread on SI literally turned my stomach. If I offended I apologize.

Anyway.

Whyeme. T minus 4 hours....
3:59:59
3:59:58
3:59:57


----------



## brokeneric

I am late to the party. Which thread? Links please.


----------



## Acabado

Acabado said:


> Count your blessings whyeme, your wife just walked away and you got your kid. Imagine being the OP of this nightmare.


This one.


----------



## bandit.45

Whyme has not been on lately. 

He must be getting laid properly...


----------



## brokeneric

Horrifyingly doormat. Couldn't read past his 2nd post.


----------



## bandit.45

brokeneric said:


> Horrifyingly doormat. Couldn't read past his 2nd post.


Keep at it. Its an inspiring story of overcoming.


----------



## brokeneric

K bandit. I wanted to hold the guy and tell him not to punish himself.


----------



## bandit.45

brokeneric said:


> K bandit. I wanted to hold the guy and tell him not to punish himself.


Keep reading. 

He wallowed for a while, but he eventually found the jar she was keeping his balls in, kicked her to the curb, and found himself a new lady friend....


----------



## brokeneric

bandit.45 said:


> found the jar she was keeping his balls in


Best line I heard this week.:smthumbup:


----------



## weightlifter

so the SI thread is readable? It just hit me in the gut something FEARSOME.


----------



## weightlifter

Im hoping right about now a nice build up dinner. Then clothes tearing. UK is Eastern US+ 5 right?


----------



## bandit.45

weightlifter said:


> Im hoping right about now a nice build up dinner. Then clothes tearing. UK is Eastern US+ 5 right?


If you live on the east cosat that should be about right.


----------



## Lefacade

It never surprises me how much of a douche nozzle people can be. You should be livid. The only people that matter right now is you and your daughter. Let go of the wife. She obviously has let go of you two.


----------



## just got it 55

weightlifter said:


> Coudnt read past his (the guy in Acabado post on SI) third post. Too doormat. Too likely a T word too nonetheless. For me:
> 1) Forgive physical cheating. Unlikely.
> 2) daily watch my wifes belly grow with another mans baby inside her AND stick around. Not only no but actually too alien for me to even consider.
> 
> Maybe Im just an egotistical pig. Shrug. Would NOT consider being cuckolded.
> 
> You forgot that whyemes kid has blossomed massively now that Whyeme and his mom are on the case without the bad input of "mum". *(I love Brit-isms)*
> 
> Plus we are all cheering for him to make his first goal since...


WL heres a good "Brit ism" He is going to give her a 

Jolly good Rodgering


----------



## bandit.45

just got it 55 said:


> WL heres a good "Brit ism" He is going to give her a
> 
> Jolly good Rodgering


Ee's going to give 'er a proper shagging....


----------



## weightlifter

Im hoping they are on round three by now.


----------



## WyshIknew

just got it 55 said:


> WL heres a good "Brit ism" He is going to give her a
> 
> Jolly good Rodgering





bandit.45 said:


> Ee's going to give 'er a proper shagging....


Slip her a crippler?


----------



## WyshIknew

just got it 55 said:


> WL heres a good "Brit ism" He is going to give her a
> 
> Jolly good Rodgering


Did you know that Britains top virility tablet is 'Roger Moore'


----------



## weightlifter

WyshIknew said:


> Did you know that Britains top virility tablet is 'Roger Moore'


Shouldnt that be 

Roger, MORE!!!!

Hoping they are now on round four.


----------



## WyshIknew

weightlifter said:


> Shouldnt that be
> 
> Roger, MORE!!!!
> 
> Hoping they are now on round four.


Roger that.


----------



## weightlifter

WyshIknew said:


> Roger that.


Roger what?


----------



## tom67

weightlifter said:


> Roger what?


Roger Roger - Airplane! (8/10) Movie CLIP (1980) HD - YouTube


----------



## whyeme

Hi Guys,

No I didn't get any yesterday!! I know gutting but u know it doesn't always happen  she is a bit complicated we get on like a house on fire but I am wondering whether to continue this or just cut it now as she is a bit complicated which I really don't need right now.

One minute we are more than friends, she gets scared backs off and I kind of get friend zoned but not friend zoned!! then she is back more than friends again!! I think I might chalk this one up, keep on the road I was on and see where it goes!!

On a positive I have signed up to 2 sports events in the UK a run called Electric Run and also the army style challenge called born survivor a 10km obstacle course which is going to be fun!! can't believe I am signed up to them would never believe a year ago I would be doing them!!


----------



## bandit.45

She's a chaser. I'll bet if you back off, start ignoring her a little, she'll get aggressive and start pursuing you again. Then when you stop running, she'll withdraw again. Its a neverending circle.

Yeah I've had experience with chicks like that. Best thing to do is friendzone her permanently and move on. She's a game player and you don't need to expend that much energy at this point in your life. 

Keep meeting and dating other women. You'll find one that meshes with you.


----------



## whyeme

cheers bandit yeah she is messing with my head, I am already starting to back off I can't have somebody damaging an already very badly broken heart!! I am friendzoning her as of tomorrow and carrying on  

Good thing I have started to do is make a great circle of friends at the gym one of our instructors has a mad following and I have slowly made it in to that group its like the inner social click group in school lol!! they organise lots of events outside of the gym so gives me the chance now to go out to places and have a laugh with them, at least I am building a social circle now which is good as that is what I was lacking 

Nothing is ever easy though it did prove to me that moving on makes u feel better that's for sure and proved to me that somebody can like me and that I can feel feelings for somebody who is not the stbxw . I am feeling a bit depressed tonight could have done without another ego bashing at this point, least I am not loosing much we have only known each other 6 weeks and only about 3 of them have been heading in the romantic direction!! its her loss not mine!!

Need to get my head back in the game and get back out there


----------



## bandit.45

And look at it this way... your chick-radar is far keener now than it was before. You aren't rushing into relationships anymore. You're staying frosty and using your head. 

You have grown alot my friend...stronger, smarter and wiser than you were just afew months ago. The change in you has been dramatic.


----------



## whyeme

Cheers! just wish nutjobs weren't the only ones coming near me!! it did feel great the last couple of weeks which has showed me that there is life and the ability to be happy again after the mess my ex made, just need to be a bit more careful as my ego has taken a bit of a kick, not massive but enough to push me under a little. 

I need to reread how NOT to be the white night because that is not what I want to be and I feel like I was becoming that person , maybe I should try and pick somebody who is not badly broken in the first place that would probably help! the radar did go off at the beginning but the more I got to know her the more I started falling for her and the mess that was her past sort of drifted to the background :/ !!

Oh well you learn and still here to fight another day


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> Cheers! just wish nutjobs weren't the only ones coming near me!! it did feel great the last couple of weeks which has showed me that there is life and the ability to be happy again after the mess my ex made, just need to be a bit more careful as my ego has taken a bit of a kick, not massive but enough to push me under a little.
> 
> I need to reread how NOT to be the white night because that is not what I want to be and I feel like I was becoming that person , *maybe I should try and pick somebody who is not badly broken in the first place that would probably help!* the radar did go off at the beginning but the more I got to know her the more I started falling for her and the mess that was her past sort of drifted to the background :/ !!
> 
> Oh well you learn and still here to fight another day


Yeah... that might be a good tactic from now on...


----------



## weightlifter

But this ego bashing is a nice normal it did not work out thing not a stab in the back!

Not saying you have to like it but this setback is a nice normal setback.

Methinks you need a simple shag and the rest will fall into place. Success begets success. Its getting the first one...


----------



## tom67

weightlifter said:


> But this ego bashing is a nice normal it did not work out thing not a stab in the back!
> 
> Not saying you have to like it but this setback is a nice normal setback.
> 
> Methinks you need a simple shag and the rest will fall into place. Success begets success. Its getting the first one...


:iagree:
Yes a simple shag mate.


----------



## whyeme

Lol if only it was that easy, but yeah u are right no deep emotional scarring like the stbxw more just my pride that hurts!!

stbxw started being all friendly today after weeks of basically radio silence (instigated by me), bit worrying!! apparently the baby has something wrong with its kidneys, I know its not my kid but it is half my daughters sibling so I know if anything bad happens it will upset D11. Strange her being all nicey nicey and telling me how worried she is about us both and stuff, I did just tell her to basically get stuffed just thought it was a bit weird!!


----------



## sandc

whyeme said:


> Lol if only it was that easy, but yeah u are right no deep emotional scarring like the stbxw more just my pride that hurts!!
> 
> stbxw started being all friendly today after weeks of basically radio silence (instigated by me), bit worrying!! *apparently the baby has something wrong with its kidneys*, I know its not my kid but it is half my daughters sibling so I know if anything bad happens it will upset D11. Strange her being all nicey nicey and telling me how worried she is about us both and stuff, I did just tell her to basically get stuffed just thought it was a bit weird!!


The correct answer is, "I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you and the father can find good care for your child." Then go hug YOUR child and take her out for a treat just because.


----------



## whyeme

Can't remember exactly what I said, it was along the lines of "oh, I hope he is ok" didn't get emotional or anything!! can't help feel a little sorry for the kid, its mum is an idiot with all the tablets and stuff she was taking that warned of deformity and not to get pregnant she should never have attempted to have a child, but being a selfish b*tch that she is she just thought of herself as usual and what she wants she has to have!!

I have not told D11 anything, would rather wait until it is born I don't know the ins and outs not my business just deal with it if the problem occurs.


----------



## sandc

Virtual high 5 for dodging this bullet!


----------



## tom67

I agree good job
Not your or your ds problem.


----------



## weightlifter

sandc said:


> The correct answer is, "I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you and the father can find good care for your child." Then go hug YOUR child and take her out for a treat just because.


wish I could like this twice.


----------



## whyeme

Well I thought I give you a quick update...

So I got some more info about new church girl from ironically the original church girl as they are friends!! turns out she does like me I am definitely more than a friend to her but she doesn't feel ready to take things to the next level with somebody! so that explains the supposed friend zoning of me then at least, she really apparently likes me but just wants to sort a few things in her life out first feels good to know that I wasn't out and out rejected!!

I can live with that, put her on the back burner you never know where that will go in the future but I am going to carry on having fun for now.

Also few revelations about stbxw and her baby, well they know its has some sort of serious kidney problem with one of its kidneys, they also think it has a high chance of down syndrome and possibly something wrong with its heart although until he is born they can't confirm any of it its just very high chance!

Well when the medical profession tell you NOT to have a baby because it is very dangerous for the mother and there is a chance that the baby could be seriously ill you should probably listen to them!!

Annoys me just because she has caused so much pain to my daughter through her selfishness and now this child is going to be ill because she wouldn't listen to medical professionals!! there is also a chance of her having serious complications during child birth like last time as well!!

Narcissistic selfish nutcase anybody??


----------



## brokeneric

Its really sad bro.


----------



## tom67

whyeme said:


> Well I thought I give you a quick update...
> 
> So I got some more info about new church girl from ironically the original church girl as they are friends!! turns out she does like me I am definitely more than a friend to her but she doesn't feel ready to take things to the next level with somebody! so that explains the supposed friend zoning of me then at least, she really apparently likes me but just wants to sort a few things in her life out first feels good to know that I wasn't out and out rejected!!
> 
> I can live with that, put her on the back burner you never know where that will go in the future but I am going to carry on having fun for now.
> 
> Also few revelations about stbxw and her baby, well they know its has some sort of serious kidney problem with one of its kidneys, they also think it has a high chance of down syndrome and possibly something wrong with its heart although until he is born they can't confirm any of it its just very high chance!
> 
> Well when the medical profession tell you NOT to have a baby because it is very dangerous for the mother and there is a chance that the baby could be seriously ill you should probably listen to them!!
> 
> Annoys me just because she has caused so much pain to my daughter through her selfishness and now this child is going to be ill because she wouldn't listen to medical professionals!! there is also a chance of her having serious complications during child birth like last time as well!!
> 
> Narcissistic selfish nutcase anybody??


Well I hope the innocent baby is healthy and doesn't suffer. Having said that this is her and posom problem.
Stay in ignore mode and keep on with the great job you are doing taking care of your daughter.
And have fun playing the field my man.


----------



## weightlifter

I hope for a healthy baby.

Not to dis you.

Just cause its a baby.


----------



## tom67

weightlifter said:


> I hope for a healthy baby.
> 
> Not to dis you.
> 
> Just cause its a baby.


And if the baby is sick it is ALL on her and her stupid decision.
We are all with you it will anger a lot of us if he/she suffers because it is a child that didn't have any say in this.
This has nothing to do with you.


----------



## whyeme

Dont get me wrong guys your not offending me for wishing it to be healthy, I feel exactly the same way after all I try to be a decent moral person!! It is not the babies fault that it has such s*it parents I would never wish anything like potentially what is up with it, just so angry with its mum for ignoring medical peoples advise for her own selfishness!!

I told her not to tell D11 the other day that I wanted to sit her down and talk to her when I knew the facts (if they would ever come out of stbxw mouth without a ton of lies) and what as the stupid b*tch done, text her and told her probably trying to get sympathy!! that has annoyed me a lot as I didn't want D11 to find out that way!!


----------



## tom67

whyeme said:


> Dont get me wrong guys your not offending me for wishing it to be healthy, I feel exactly the same way after all I try to be a decent moral person!! It is not the babies fault that it has such s*it parents I would never wish anything like potentially what is up with it, just so angry with its mum for ignoring medical peoples advise for her own selfishness!!
> 
> I told her not to tell D11 the other day that I wanted to sit her down and talk to her when I knew the facts (if they would ever come out of stbxw mouth without a ton of lies) and what as the stupid b*tch done, text her and told her probably trying to get sympathy!! that has annoyed me a lot as I didn't want D11 to find out that way!!


What a self centered/absorbed b!tch.
Just as you have been doing quite well, be there for your d11.


----------



## whyeme

Right its 4:45am UK time and I have just got in 

Lets just say that I just spent the last 4 hours in bed and it wasn't mine  new church girl and I just spent a fantastic valentines day together as well as the first 4 1/2 hours of today doing things that are definitely a LOT more than friends 

So there is life after stbxw and I tell you what it is amazing, I have never felt as close to somebody as to her and we have had so much fun its untrue!!

Very happy guy over here


----------



## illwill

You a pimp for nailing a church girl. A pimp!


----------



## brokeneric

whyeme said:


> Right its 4:45 UK time and I have just got in
> 
> Lets just say that I just spent the last 4 hours in bed and it wasn't mine  new church girl and I just spent a fantastic valentines day together as well as the first 4 1/2 hours of today doing things that are definitely a LOT more than friends
> 
> So there is life after stbxw and I tell you what it is amazing, I have never felt as close to somebody as to her and we have had so much fun its untrue!!
> 
> Very happy guy over here


May the force be with you.


----------



## whyeme

Feeling such a buzz this morning, such a great night can't believe how unbelievably happy I am this morning 

stbxw definitely out of my system now!!!


----------



## brokeneric

whyeme said:


> Feeling such a buzz this morning, such a great night can't believe how unbelievably happy I am this morning
> 
> stbxw definitely out of my system now!!!


Gardening is such a delightful hobby, eh?


----------



## weightlifter

I find the following video very apropos:
The Tao of Kung Fu #6- "The wise always remain humble." - YouTube

BTW I dont mean the its time for you to leave part. 

I mean: Congratulations grasshopper. You have graduated. However. Now YOU are a teacher. Help as you have been helped.

Ren & Stimpy Happy Helment Joy Joy song - YouTube

And to answer the question in the thread thread title:

YES THERE IS!


----------



## whyeme

Cheers weightlifter, I will still frequent and try and help here where I can  you guys have helped me so much and I have discovered so much about myself and what I had broken to improve and also how relationships function and can get broken!!

This feels so different than before, I know the pitfalls I can see red flags and cut them off at the pass, I feel like I can almost read what she is thinking and stop myself from screwing up she is accepting me for who I am not trying to change me, basically life is good 

I will keep the thread updated if there are any major developments but yes as you guys all predicted months ago there is a happy ending to this story at the moment!! can't say that for stbxw who is blubbering about what a mess she has made but oh well, she made her bed she can lie in it as I am NOT interested in her BS!!

Thanks again guys you have all been brilliant!!


----------



## weightlifter

# false bravado voice

Ya know it hurts to correct so much.

Vagina juice is SUPERGLUE for a mans shattered ego.

Exhibit A above.

6 months exactly from his first day here the circle finally completes. A man emerges from the lowest valley of his life...

Smiles And BELIEVES


----------



## whyeme

Lol whats also great for a shattered ego is spending 3 hours having sex with somebody you care about so much!! and getting text messages all day about how amazing you are and how she has never been with somebody so amazing or had so many O's in the same night by anybody and how she can't wait to do it again!!

Thats great for your ego


----------



## weightlifter

Stbcxww is whining?

Has barney "shaaby" fifes badge gotten alittle less shiny?


----------



## whyeme

I think so weightlifter she tried to get me to show her some sympathy when she came round to drop off a present for D11 last week. To be honest I just let her waffle on and didn't pay any attention so who knows whats going on she was only here for about 5 - 10 minutes!!!

Just seen new church girl today or should I call her my GF now to make it a little easier  was great!!! she was complaining how she has been walking funny after Friday night and she has a very obvious rash on her chin from all the kissing we did lol, ego boosting or what!!!


----------



## Decorum

Congrads on moving on so well!

Take care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## weightlifter

Btw post 880 is going in my signature when i get around to it.

Besides the fvcking part. I bet it felt great to connect mentally to another human again?

If she is saying all those things there is a bonus. She is into you.


----------



## whyeme

Feels like an honour to end up in a master such as yourselves signature!!

Yeah it felt amazing to connect to somebody again at an emotional level, thought it was not going to happen but worked out she was having emotional issues that were basically her admitting to herself to trust a man again and that she has feelings for some1 but once she did boy did fireworks go off lol!!

Listen to Beyonce Halo she likens how she felt to that moment, she is well in to me she has an amazing twinkle in her eyes when she is around me and she is like the polar opposite to my ex, we like the same things she just seems to get me and we have the same sense of humour which makes us get on like a house on fire!!

Life is great, better than it has felt for a longgggg time


----------



## brokeneric

Change your username from 'whyme' to 'SoMuchOfMe'. Enough to go around the female population of England, eh


----------



## weightlifter

Maybe he should change his name to ouchmyballsachecauseiamusingthemsomuch

BTW click the bottom link in my sig. You might recognize that man.


----------



## tom67

whyeme said:


> Lol whats also great for a shattered ego is spending 3 hours having sex with somebody you care about so much!! and getting text messages all day about how amazing you are and how she has never been with somebody so amazing or had so many O's in the same night by anybody and how she can't wait to do it again!!
> 
> Thats great for your ego


:toast::smthumbup:


----------



## brokeneric

weightlifter said:


> Maybe he should change his name to ouchmyballsachecauseiamusingthemsomuch
> 
> BTW click the bottom link in my sig. You might recognize that man.


'IGotBlueBalls' - one day this would be my user name:smthumbup:


----------



## manfromlamancha

Well done mate. You have conducted this whole thing with honesty, integrity and humanity. In the final reckoning these are things that will matter. All the best for the future!


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> Right its 4:45am UK time and I have just got in
> 
> Lets just say that I just spent the last 4 hours in bed and it wasn't mine  new church girl and I just spent a fantastic valentines day together as well as the first 4 1/2 hours of today doing things that are definitely a LOT more than friends
> 
> So there is life after stbxw and I tell you what it is amazing, I have never felt as close to somebody as to her and we have had so much fun its untrue!!
> 
> Very happy guy over here


You DAWWWWG!!!! :lol:

Good going bro! Tear it up!


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> I think so weightlifter she tried to get me to show her some sympathy when she came round to drop off a present for D11 last week. To be honest I just let her waffle on and didn't pay any attention so who knows whats going on she was only here for about 5 - 10 minutes!!!
> 
> Just seen new church girl today or should I call her my GF now to make it a little easier  was great!!! *she was complaining how she has been walking funny *after Friday night and she has a very obvious rash on her chin from all the kissing we did lol, ego boosting or what!!!


Remember? I predicted you would give her the love rickets!  Now she's going to have people at church asking her why she is walking bowlegged.


----------



## weightlifter

Btw whyeme. Click the bottom link in my signature.


----------



## whyeme

Lol she is awesome!! went to see her Friday night, she answered the door in her dressing gown nothing on underneath!! needless to say that stayed on for all the time it took me to snog her into her bedroom  and to top it off when I left she flashed me at the door twice (luckily it was 3am so nobody saw as she lives on a main road).

She is great fun as you can tell, copious amounts of sex we seam to be able to go for hours and she is very creative to say the least!! just what you need after the last few years of crap from stbxw oh and she has an amazingly fun personality outside the bedroom!!

FYI stbxw had her spawn yesterday morning, didn't tell me D11 got a text that read "btw your brother was born this morning" feel like I am dealing with a school kid!!

Weightlifter I saw your sig, honour to be in it


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> Lol she is awesome!! went to see her Friday night, she answered the door in her dressing gown nothing on underneath!! needless to say that stayed on for all the time it took me to snog her into her bedroom  and to top it off when I left she flashed me at the door twice (luckily it was 3am so nobody saw as she lives on a main road).
> 
> She is great fun as you can tell, copious amounts of sex we seam to be able to go for hours and she is very creative to say the least!! just what you need after the last few years of crap from stbxw oh and she has an amazingly fun personality outside the bedroom!!
> 
> FYI stbxw had her spawn yesterday morning, didn't tell me D11 got a text that read "btw your brother was born this morning" feel like I am dealing with a school kid!!
> 
> Weightlifter I saw your thread, honour to be in your sig


Awesome....

So about the time your psycho ex is going into labor, you're banging the headboard with your hot new girlfriend...

How cool is that?


----------



## weightlifter

Dressing gown = bathrobe? Nightie?

Some of us stay on a thread after the dismal drama and pain to see our charges living again.

Lol read flashed you twice as FINISHED you twice at the door. Lol was beginning to wonder if you were some kind of machine.

Agree bandit!


----------



## whyeme

Yes dressing gown = bathrobe for you guys!! and flashed as in exposed herself by opening up her bathrobe for the world to see the goods underneath 

And yeah she was in labour whilst I was banging the new girlfriend, felt quite good to know that after the event lol!!


----------



## weightlifter

What was D11 reaction to her HALF brother news?


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> Yes dressing gown = bathrobe for you guys!! and flashed as in exposed herself by opening up her bathrobe for the world to see the goods underneath
> 
> And yeah she was in labour whilst I was banging the new girlfriend, felt quite good to know that after the event lol!!





:allhail:

Revenge is a dish best served on a queen size bed...


----------



## weightlifter

bandit.45 said:


> :allhail:
> 
> Revenge is a dish best served on a queen size bed...


Quote of the day.

I get the mental image of two emotionally wounded people beginning to live life again tending each others wounds.

DO be careful for the ramp down on the intensity of the sex into the normal range, make sure it does NOT ramp to zero. And ramp up the non sex things you can do together.


----------



## whyeme

Weightlifter,

D11 is doing great, she saw the stbxw spawn on Monday night load of drama associated with it as usual and she got some grief monday morning with the girl whos mum is good friends with stbxw.

Went to D11 parents evening last night, D11's test papers were that good they could not be marked with the marking schema for her age!! she is going to have to do the exams for the kids up to 14 years old instead so that the marking schema works and they can mark her!! they are massively impressed with her progress and the school used her work at the regional marking meeting as a sample 

Agree with you on the new GF in fairness we do tons of stuff together, obviously having kids already makes getting some a bit more challenging!! we generally do loads of stuff together and then get Friday nights together to have a little adult only fun  obviously we then have to get a weeks worth in though lol


----------



## WhiteRaven

'Tis most splendid!:smthumbup:


----------



## DoktorFun

whyeme said:


> Weightlifter,
> 
> D11 is doing great, she saw the stbxw spawn on Monday night load of drama associated with it as usual and she got some grief monday morning with the girl whos mum is good friends with stbxw.
> 
> Went to D11 parents evening last night, D11's test papers were that good they could not be marked with the marking schema for her age!! she is going to have to do the exams for the kids up to 14 years old instead so that the marking schema works and they can mark her!! they are massively impressed with her progress and the school used her work at the regional marking meeting as a sample
> 
> Agree with you on the new GF in fairness we do tons of stuff together, obviously having kids already makes getting some a bit more challenging!! *we generally do loads of stuff together and then get Friday nights together to have a little adult only fun*  obviously we then have to get a weeks worth in though lol


:smthumbup:


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> Weightlifter,
> 
> D11 is doing great, she saw the stbxw spawn on Monday night load of drama associated with it as usual and she got some grief monday morning with the girl whos mum is good friends with stbxw.
> 
> *Typical. Aren't you glad you aren't part of that world anymore? Soon D11 will walk away from that world also. Her mom just keeps hammering nails in the coffin of what is left of their mother-dughter relationship. *
> 
> Went to D11 parents evening last night, D11's test papers were that good they could not be marked with the marking schema for her age!! she is going to have to do the exams for the kids up to 14 years old instead so that the marking schema works and they can mark her!! they are massively impressed with her progress and the school used her work at the regional marking meeting as a sample
> 
> *Awesome....*
> 
> Agree with you on the new GF in fairness we do tons of stuff together, obviously having kids already makes getting some a bit more challenging!! we generally do loads of stuff together and then get Friday nights together to have a little adult only fun  obviously we then have to get a weeks worth in though lol
> 
> *No jerking off during the days away from her. Save up your man-potion for those nights together.*


----------



## weightlifter

Where are you in the divorce process?
You made absolute sure Barney Fife signed the birth cert?
>and she got some grief monday morning with the girl whos mum is good friends with stbxw.<
Define this. Gives me a WTF moment.
How bad off is Barney Fifes spawn?


----------



## illwill

whyeme said:


> Feeling such a buzz this morning, such a great night can't believe how unbelievably happy I am this morning
> 
> stbxw definitely out of my system now!!!


You earned it. Enjoy it.


----------



## bandit.45

Whyme's silence is a good thing. 

Hope he's getting his brains banged out....


----------



## bandit.45

Wacka downg wacka wacka downg downg....

Wacka downg wacka wacka downg downg....

Wacka wacka wacka wacka wacka wacka wacka....


SHAFT!


OHHHHHHHHHH.......YEAUUUUUUGHHHHHHHH...


----------



## whyeme

Hi Guys,

Been a while since I have been here so thought I would say hi!! Having a great time so different being in a healthy relationship with somebody who you can tell genuinely respects and adores you!!

Lot of lessons learnt from my previous marriage, especially on not taking cr*p and how to be more attentitive!!

Sex is great but we are able to sit in a room now without ripping each others clothes off (sometimes) and we enjoy each others company so much. The GF is very impressed anyway lol we did it 5 times Friday night, feel like a teenager again at the moment quite odd!!! Spent tons of time with her kids and we are all having a great time, they really seem to like me and D11 likes GF so thats a great start.

Anyway thought I had better check in let you all know I am still alive, just about lol!!!


----------



## WhiteRaven

whyme, can I have your autograph? Pleeaaase?


----------



## bandit.45

My hero. 


Hey Whyme, how is your ex wife's newfound baby bliss going?


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> The GF is very impressed anyway lol we did it 5 times Friday night, feel like a teenager again at the moment quite odd




It's amazing what a good woman can do for a man's libido. You always had it in you Whyme, it just took finding the right partner to release your inner caveman.


----------



## weightlifter

#adds brass balls endorsement to Whyemes man card.


----------



## jack.c

Finaly! after all these threads of BS without a real stand-up, this one was needed! congrats whyeme and i wish you a wonderful life!


----------



## weightlifter

Have you started D yet Whyeme?


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

whyeme said:


> Hi Guys,
> 
> Been a while since I have been here so thought I would say hi!! Having a great time so different being in a healthy relationship with somebody who you can tell genuinely respects and adores you!!
> 
> Lot of lessons learnt from my previous marriage, especially on not taking cr*p and how to be more attentitive!!
> 
> Sex is great but we are able to sit in a room now without ripping each others clothes off (sometimes) and we enjoy each others company so much. The GF is very impressed anyway lol we did it 5 times Friday night, feel like a teenager again at the moment quite odd!!! Spent tons of time with her kids and we are all having a great time, they really seem to like me and D11 likes GF so thats a great start.
> 
> Anyway thought I had better check in let you all know I am still alive, just about lol!!!


You know what the best part of this post is?... You never once mention your stbxw. That's called moving the fvck on with your life! The right way. Out with the bad, in with the good.

I'm glad for ya, I really am. Now don't go wearin' everything out. Yur gonna end up all red and chaffed.


----------



## 12345Person

yay


----------



## whyeme

Weightlifter,

No D not started yet, just waiting for some inheritance money to come through plenty of that to start the D  really really can't wait for it though should be any week now!!! looking forward to divorcing her a*s!!!

STBXW is definetly there to stay now no question about that!!! don't know much about her and her spawn to be honest saw them a couple of weeks ago when for the first time I know he is pretty ill had something wrong with his kidneys as suspected, his tongue had to have something done to it and there are other issues but to be honest I wasn't interesting in listening!!!


----------



## WhiteRaven

whyeme said:


> STBXW is definetly there to stay now no question about that!!! don't know much about her and her spawn to be honest saw them a couple of weeks ago when for the first time I know he is pretty ill had something wrong with his kidneys as suspected, his tongue had to have something done to it and there are other issues but to be honest *I wasn't interesting in listening!!!*


Not your kid, not your problem. It's as simple as that.


----------



## bandit.45

Well, take consolationm knowing that you got that toxic woman out of your life and a new better model to take her place. 

Your ex will do the same thing to her BF once the birthing/mommy hormones have subsided.

How is your daughter holding up? Does she seem happoer without mom in the picture.


----------



## whyeme

Yeah D11 is doing fantastic, just completed a set of tests and got the marks of a 14 year old!!! well chuffed  

She really likes GF and her kids which is good, seems very happy without her mum in the picture lot more stable, less temper tantrums and is slowly loosing some of the attitude issues that my ex wife caused her!! D11 and stbxw relationship has pretty much broken down now sadly they rarely talk even via text now, very sad but thats how it is for now!!


----------



## tom67

whyeme said:


> Yeah D11 is doing fantastic, just completed a set of tests and got the marks of a 14 year old!!! well chuffed
> 
> She really likes GF and her kids which is good, seems very happy without her mum in the picture lot more stable, less temper tantrums and is slowly loosing some of the attitude issues that my ex wife caused her!! D11 and stbxw relationship has pretty much broken down now sadly they rarely talk even via text now, very sad but thats how it is for now!!


Your STBXW made her bed with her daughter too bad for her.
Other than that horn dog sounds like you are doing great.
Hey come back when you have time if someone here needs help so they can see there is hope.


----------



## weightlifter

tom67 said:


> Your STBXW made her bed with her daughter too bad for her.
> Other than that horn dog sounds like you are doing great.
> Hey come back when you have time if someone here needs help so they can see there is hope.


LOL this thread is great fodder for look where he started ( constantly wanting to test delta V of a petroleum powered personal conveyance against a bridge pillar) and look where he is now.(constantly testing delta V of his erogenous zone in GF vajayjay)

/end engineerspeak


----------



## barbados

whyeme said:


> *we did it 5 times Friday night*, feel like a teenager again


The original Title of your thread was "Is there any point?"

Seems like there is a point, and you've driven it home quite often lately !!!

:smthumbup:


----------



## jim123

whyeme said:


> Yeah D11 is doing fantastic, just completed a set of tests and got the marks of a 14 year old!!! well chuffed
> 
> She really likes GF and her kids which is good, seems very happy without her mum in the picture lot more stable, less temper tantrums and is slowly loosing some of the attitude issues that my ex wife caused her!! D11 and stbxw relationship has pretty much broken down now sadly they rarely talk even via text now, very sad but thats how it is for now!!


It is not often it is my pleasure to say I told you so.

You are a good man and it seems you have found that good woman


----------



## whyeme

Just found this out today looks like the karma bus just just driven straight through POSOM!!! so funny had a smile on my face all afternoon!!

D11 saw her mum today, when talking she told him the POSOM took his dream job of being a police officer but 2 days in decided it was too far away and he couldn't commute it, he has had to give up!!! hahaha that was his dream he tried several forces nobody would have him until this one so stbxw trashed his dream!!!

To top it off he has no job now!! he is begging to get his old job back as a lowly plastic police officer as his dream is now shattered because stbxw refused to move closer.

PMSL, so so so funny just thought you guys would like to know


----------



## WhiteRaven

whyeme said:


> POSOM took his dream job of being a police officer but 2 days in decided it was too far away and he couldn't commute it, he has had to give up!!! hahaha that was his dream he tried several forces nobody would have him until this one so stbxw trashed his dream!!!
> 
> To top it off he has no job now!! he is begging to get his old job back as a lowly plastic police officer as his dream is now shattered because stbxw refused to move closer.


:lol: :smthumbup:

Beware in case your dreams come true. POSOM dreamed of your WW. He got her. Too bad.

Thanks for the post of the day.


----------



## tom67

WhiteRaven said:


> :lol: :smthumbup:
> 
> Beware in case your dreams come true. POSOM dreamed of your WW. He got her. Too bad.
> 
> Thanks for the post of the day.


I hope she is going to support him now.:lol::rofl:


----------



## weightlifter

WhiteRaven said:


> :lol: :smthumbup:
> 
> Beware in case your dreams come true. POSOM dreamed of your WW. He got her. Too bad.
> 
> Thanks for the post of the day.


Post of the day? Try the month!!

Lesee who would most women choose? The professional dude or the unemployed dude?

Any doubts about there being a point?
Btw... Who is having more sex now? Him or you?
Who is having rip your clothes off sex? Him or you?
Who is just having an azz kicking blast? Him or you?

Keep coming back. With so many crash and burn trajedies. We love our graduates like you. Poster BFF came by this week too. He is near the ring giving stage.


----------



## jim123

whyeme said:


> Just found this out today looks like the karma bus just just driven straight through POSOM!!! so funny had a smile on my face all afternoon!!
> 
> D11 saw her mum today, when talking she told him the POSOM took his dream job of being a police officer but 2 days in decided it was too far away and he couldn't commute it, he has had to give up!!! hahaha that was his dream he tried several forces nobody would have him until this one so stbxw trashed his dream!!
> 
> To top it off he has no job now!! he is begging to get his old job back as a lowly plastic police officer as his dream is now shattered because stbxw refused to move closer.
> 
> PMSL, so so so funny just thought you guys would like to know


What a mess for them. The problems will get nothing but bigger.

She will cheat on him too. Just give it time.


----------



## weightlifter

jim123 said:


> What a mess for them. The problems will get nothing but bigger.
> 
> She will cheat on him too. Just give it time.


Get that D done fast before she wants to come back and D11 pushes for it.


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> Just found this out today looks like the karma bus just just driven straight through POSOM!!! so funny had a smile on my face all afternoon!!
> 
> D11 saw her mum today, when talking she told him the POSOM took his dream job of being a police officer but 2 days in decided it was too far away and he couldn't commute it, he has had to give up!!! hahaha that was his dream he tried several forces nobody would have him until this one so stbxw trashed his dream!!!
> 
> To top it off he has no job now!! he is begging to get his old job back as a lowly plastic police officer as his dream is now shattered *because stbxw refused to move closer*.
> 
> PMSL, so so so funny just thought you guys would like to know


I doubt she refused to move because of D11. More than likeley, I think she still sees Whyme as a potential safety net. If things go completely south with the OM, I'll bet she still has this illusion that Whyme is going to welcome her back home with open arms and agree to be a baby daddy to her bastard offspring. 

Funny.


----------



## 3putt

bandit.45 said:


> I doubt she refused to move because of D11. More than likeley, I think she still sees Whyme as a potential safety net. If things go completely south with the OM, I'll bet she still has this illusion that Whyme is going to welcome her back home with open arms and agree to be a baby daddy to her bastard offspring.
> 
> Funny.


She's so effed in the head it's actually a plausible thought process for her.


----------



## bandit.45

3putt said:


> She's so effed in the head it's actually a plausible thought process for her.


Well think about it....

If the WW thought that the cop was such a sure thing, why the hell would she not want to move to another town with him and let him support her and the kid? No one would know her there, she could start over fresh, and not have the reputation of being a cheating two-timing slvt following her around. 

She won't move because she sees Whyme as the safer bet...probably always did. In her mind she probably thinks that Whyme will ditch his loving GF in a heartbeat if WW asks him to take her back. 

I dunno, I could be reading it wrong....


----------



## bandit.45

Whyme, if you can get off the top of your girlfriend for a moment, tell me if I'm on the right track.


----------



## 3putt

bandit.45 said:


> Whyme, if you can get off the top of your girlfriend for a moment, tell me if I'm on the right track.


I literally LOLed!


----------



## whyeme

Hi Bandit,

No idea whats going through her head!! told her a couple of weeks ago that she can't come round and stay in my house which what she used to do when she visited D11 as D11 didn't want her to go out, she now just takes her to Costa coffee for an hour or shopping thats about it!! 

Told her the GF didn't want her there and to be quite honest neither did I, it sort of hit her when I said it you could see it in her face!! 

But who knows whats going through the psychos head

Oh forgot to say yesterday!! I also got head hunted the other day for a new job, interview is on Friday but sounds like it is very promising... 14K per year payrise + 10% bonus and nearly 6K car allowance plus pension and health benefits!!! if I get that I will be sooo laughing it is untrue as all my financial problems will be over!!

Karma... its a wonderful thing


----------



## weightlifter

whyeme said:


> Told her the GF didn't want her there and to be quite honest neither did I, it sort of hit her when I said it you could see it in her face!!
> 
> LOVE that one. yea the woman I am fvcking the crap out of doesnt like you staying over. makes her feel a bit insecure... and being the awesome boyfriend I am... I am NOT gonna make her feel insecure!
> 
> Oh forgot to say yesterday!! I also got head hunted the other day for a new job, interview is on Friday but sounds like it is very promising... 14K per year payrise + 10% bonus and nearly 6K car allowance plus pension and health benefits!!! if I get that I will be sooo laughing it is untrue as all my financial problems will be over!!


Thought health benefits came with living in the UK and paying that tax whose name I forget?


----------



## smileandlaugh

As someone who's just starting the long, lonely road to recovery, I just want to say thank you. This story is very inspiring and gives me great hope that someday, I too, will have sex 5 times in one day.


----------



## WyshIknew

weightlifter said:


> Thought health benefits came with living in the UK and paying that tax whose name I forget?


Yep, but having separate health insurance means not having to wait, often private rooms instead of a ward with the rest of the herd, 'Proper' doctors instead of whoever the health service dishes up etc. often applies to immediate family as well.

Not saying the NHS is bad, it just gives you an advantage over the rest.


----------



## Forest

Now this is therapy I can relate to.

(reading whyme's recent escapades)

Banging a new GF while the cheater is in labor. Then, imagine how different the next several weeks will be for Whyme vs Cheater. Oh, the irony and regret must be killing her.


----------



## bandit.45

Whyme is your GF living with you now?


----------



## whyeme

No she is not living with me!! we have only been together for nearly 2 months officially although we have known each other for 4 months!!!

Not a good example after stbxw to my daughter, we have agreed if everything is great when her house lease is up end of december then we will consider moving in together. 

Everything is going so well at the moment, just hope I get this new job will fix all the financial issues left over from stbxw!!


----------



## bandit.45

Make sure you scope out this new GF really well Whyme. Make sure there are no bones in her closet. I'd hate to see you jump out of the frying pan into the fire.


----------



## Dollystanford

WyshIknew said:


> Yep, but having separate health insurance means not having to wait, often private rooms instead of a ward with the rest of the herd, 'Proper' doctors instead of whoever the health service dishes up etc. often applies to immediate family as well.
> 
> Not saying the NHS is bad, it just gives you an advantage over the rest.


Actually exactly the same doctors Wysh, just those who are also undertaking private work


----------



## N211SP

Whyeme,

I just joined in the past few days and Weightlifter directed to read this thread which I did from first to last post. None of us would wish to go through what you have, but your strength and most of all your love for your daughter has really given me a new perspective on what is happening to me and my daughter (D15). I shall continue to watch for your further updates.

Thanks


----------



## BashfulB

This has been a very inspiring thread. My hat's off to Whyme. 

Any updates Whyme?


----------



## weightlifter

See Whyeme, YOU are now giving back that which you received.
Ref: N211Sp


----------



## whyeme

Hi guys,

Not checked in a while, sorry its been a manic few weeks!!! glad to see if something came out of this mess is that it is inspiring people!! I am going great D11 just won the schools most progress award for going up 16 grade points in total in a single year, highest ever achieved in her school.

Just realised I don't think I updated you on POSOM!! he had to give up his dream job of being a police officer after 2 days as he couldn't commute due to the distance and stbxw wouldn't move!! so funny looks like the Karma bus smashed him clean in the face, he has no job and is begging the force he left for his old job back as a plastic police officer, hahaha!!! his dad will be ashamed of him again and no other force in the country want him  soooo funny.

Me and the GF are doing amazing, feels so good being in a healthy relationship. I survived my 7.5 mile military obstacle course last Saturday and GF and D11 spent the whole day together bonding whilst I did it which was great we also spent the evening and next morning with each other (GF had her own room so we didn't weird out D11)!!

Life is fantastic, in someways I am grateful for the ex doing this her life is going to s*it and I found an amazing person who actually shares a lot in common with me, and is not a psycho. 

Tell you one thing, the phrase like mother like daughter appears true stbxw mum is a mirror image of the ex, nut job who pushed her dad to drink and nearly kill himself!!! My GF mum is so lovely and kind hearted, my GF takes very much after her it is uncanny so has to be a good sign lol!!

Anyway life is great, far less crazy than this time last year shows you can recover and do better for all you guys out there!! I do believe in repairing a marriage if possible especially if there are kids involved, but sometimes if there is no remorse or them even looking back in the slightest it is sometime better to cut your losses and find a better future for yourself!!


----------



## weightlifter

This thread needs to be perma stickied as a lesson that recovery is possible. It seems impossible the man of aug 20 2013 and april 19 2014 are the same person... But they are.


----------



## N211SP

whyeme said:


> Hi guys,
> 
> Me and the GF are doing amazing, feels so good being in a healthy relationship. I survived my 7.5 mile military obstacle course last Saturday and GF and D11 spent the whole day together bonding whilst I did it which was great we also spent the evening and next morning with each other (GF had her own room so we didn't weird out D11)!! I bet there was some sleep walking going on during the night
> 
> Life is fantastic, in someways I am grateful for the ex doing this her life is going to s*it and I found an amazing person who actually shares a lot in common with me, and is not a psycho.
> 
> I am not a religious person but do believe life has a way of making things work out. Sorry you had to go through so much but the way that D11 has blossomed without the negativity and suffocation has probably given you just as much, if not more pleasure and happiness than the new GF. I can visualize the head back / chest forward as a proud father as you type about how well she is doing
> 
> Tell you one thing, the phrase like mother like daughter appears true stbxw mum is a mirror image of the ex, nut job who pushed her dad to drink and nearly kill himself!!! My GF mum is so lovely and kind hearted, my GF takes very much after her it is uncanny so has to be a good sign lol!!
> 
> That is something I was always told. Want to see what your GF will turn out like then just look at the mother.
> 
> Anyway life is great, far less crazy than this time last year shows you can recover and do better for all you guys out there!! I do believe in repairing a marriage if possible especially if there are kids involved, but sometimes if there is no remorse or them even looking back in the slightest it is sometime better to cut your losses and find a better future for yourself!!
> 
> Hope you can stay around and continue to inspire those of us currently going through similar situations


----------



## bandit.45

Whyme you are my hero mate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Please don't stop updating. We need as much positive news around here as we can get.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

So true how much daughters are like their mothers. 

Fortunately for me my MIL is an angel!

Keep having fun Whyeme. Life can be great when you let it happen. 

HM
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

If I read it right, the WW will soon tire of living in poverty and have her feelers out for the next likely chump who comes along. Police boy will be kicked to the curb just like Whyme was.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

Well only lasted 2 1/2 months but me and the GF broke up this morning, to be honest it has been a good learning experience and allowed me to get my mojo back and see I can be desirable to another woman!

We broke up because she couldn't handle D11, she had a bit of a mood Monday night and was being a little bit bratty and that made exGF feel that she would be driven insane by her if our relationship progressed so she saw no future in us!! to be honest she didn't give her chance to get used to the situation, its a shame but if she can't accept D11 then its end of the story.

Nothing like what stbxw did to me, could have done without this happening this week as Friday is 1 year to date since stbxw moved out but s*it happens, better to have realised this now before I had invested too much time in the relationship!!

Carry on with life now!!


----------



## warlock07

What do you mean by bratty ? What was she doing ?


----------



## whyeme

She was unwell and being a little bit moody, nothing major just generally being a bit sulky and annoying!! since Monday she has been really ill all week has turned in to a horrible chest infection now!!

Even though exGF has 3 kids she is not the most maternal, she just yells at them and they are scared to death of her lol. To be honest I had seen this and a couple of other red flags over the last few weeks, not letting my guard down and was already thinking of ending it but Monday's incident was the final straw. 

She actually ended it but had become very distant over the week so knew it was coming, was braced and ready when she did it this morning!!

I am fine in myself a little bit upset but nothing I won't be over in a couple of days no doubt once I get back in the gym and work and just continue on with life!!

She wants us to be friends, we all know that doesn't work!!!


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> She was unwell and being a little bit moody, nothing major just generally being a bit sulky and annoying!! since Monday she has been really ill all week has turned in to a horrible chest infection now!!
> 
> Even though exGF has 3 kids she is not the most maternal, she just yells at them and they are scared to death of her lol. To be honest I had seen this and a couple of other red flags over the last few weeks, not letting my guard down and was already thinking of ending it but Monday's incident was the final straw.
> 
> She actually ended it but had become very distant over the week so knew it was coming, was braced and ready when she did it this morning!!
> 
> I am fine in myself a little bit upset but nothing I won't be over in a couple of days no doubt once I get back in the gym and work and just continue on with life!!
> 
> She wants us to be friends, we all know that doesn't work!!!


Hey at least you found out now and not later. 

That's okay Whyme. Another woman will come along. Don't sell yourself short or accept nothing less than a woman who fits you perfectly. 

You can thank her for helping you regain your sense of self-esteem and masculinity. She got something out of it, and you got something out of it. Hug and walk away.


----------



## weightlifter

Red flags cheating?


----------



## Decorum

Just curious, maybe unrelated, did she tend to evaluate others in her work/social circle in a negative light, even while making them feel she really liked them?


----------



## whyeme

No there were no cheating red flags I trusted her 100% strange really never thought I would feel that way but I did! the main red flag was she was very selfish, she used to think of her own feelings and never even wondered how I might feel about something.

I had been there with stbxw and its not right, I will not be with somebody who only puts themselves first!


----------



## weightlifter

Congratulations Whyeme. You had a perfectly normal break up!

No betrayal. Some pain I am sure but in some ways. That has to be awesome in a relative manner. You can just go your own way head held high and so can she.


----------



## whyeme

No betrayal, she is just a bit loopy started saying we were moving to fast a couple of hours ago and stuff like that she has always been in control of that element so go figure lol!! time of the month at the moment, she broke up with me for a day 3 weeks after we started going out with each other at her time of the month!! women such complicated beings lol!!

She wants us to remain friends as we were really good friends before we started to date, not sure about that to be honest think that is just a recipe for disaster as it will hinder moving on if you ask me, what do you guys think?


----------



## WhiteRaven

whyeme said:


> No betrayal, she is just a bit loopy started saying we were moving to fast a couple of hours ago and stuff like that she has always been in control of that element so go figure lol!! time of the month at the moment, she broke up with me for a day 3 weeks after we started going out with each other at her time of the month!! women such complicated beings lol!!
> 
> She wants us to remain friends as we were really good friends before we started to date, not sure about that to be honest think *that is just a recipe for disaster as it will hinder moving on* if you ask me, what do you guys think?


Yup. You should never f*ck/f*ck with your friends if you want to remain friends with them.


----------



## Decorum

That's a recipe for on again off again I think. Clean break and don't look back. The next GF will not have to worry about an Ex you are friends with.


----------



## whyeme

That is what I was thinking as well, you can't remain friends with somebody you have been with can you!!

Only problem is gonna be hard as I go to the same church, have to hide lol!!


----------



## bandit.45

Women love that "let's continue to be friends" shyte. It's how they keep you on the shelf in case, down the road after they have burned through more men, they can come back to the safe guy and try to rekindle things. Don't fall for it. As soon as she meets and falls for a new guy you will be nothing but a far distant memory. 

Women also do the " let's be friends" as a way to make themselves feel better about breaking up with you. Total selfishness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Aerith

whyeme said:


> Well only lasted 2 1/2 months but me and the GF broke up this morning, to be honest it has been a good learning experience and allowed me to get my mojo back and see I can be desirable to another woman!
> 
> We broke up because she couldn't handle D11, she had a bit of a mood Monday night and was being a little bit bratty and that made exGF feel that she would be driven insane by her if our relationship progressed so she saw no future in us!! to be honest she didn't give her chance to get used to the situation, its a shame but if she can't accept D11 then its end of the story.
> 
> Nothing like what stbxw did to me, could have done without this happening this week as Friday is 1 year to date since stbxw moved out but s*it happens, better to have realised this now before I had invested too much time in the relationship!!
> 
> Carry on with life now!!


You are doing great :smthumbup:

Bringing kids into new relationship is always a challenge - that's why second marriages with kids have such a low success rate.

However, I believe you introduced your daughter to xGF way too early - after just 1-2 months of dating? It's not good for the kids to see how their parents are changing partners.

I would say, you need to be absolutely sure next time your relation has a future before exposing your child to your new GF.

Good luck!


----------



## whyeme

Yeah hate that just be friends garbage, although in her case she is not looking for a bloke she is very anti men!! always amazes me how quick women can just turn off their emotions this time last week we were having the best sex I have ever had and were totally and utterly lovey dovey her so more than me! 4 days later she blew the whole thing up very weird!!

With regards to the kids it was a bit different with xGF we were good friends before we got together so the kids had already been playing together etc... we were just very careful around them that they didn't see us as more than friends i.e. no kissing, cuddling etc... so hopefully no biggie to them!!

Need to find a girl who is not broken to begin with, she was a very broken woman so not surprised it ended like this! on the positive best sex I have ever had truly amazing, and she helped me put the final nail in the coffin of any feelings I had for my wife so thats a bonus!!


----------



## Decorum

whyeme said:


> That is what I was thinking as well, you can't remain friends with somebody you have been with can you!!
> 
> Only problem is gonna be hard as I go to the same church, have to hide lol!!




HA ha I have been there. Broke up with a girl that went to the same church (it ended on good terms, just not right for each other), an orbiter snatched her up and they got engaged (I was happy for them).

It was awkward I suppose but I ignored it, was polite and businesslike.

At one point she approached me to give me a hug, I think just a "we are friends hug" I put up my hands and said "that's not appropriate" she had a really hurt look on her face (she should have known better) and that was the end of it.

She did not challenge my reason, If she would have I suppose I could have said "That's just the way I roll", but no one was saying that back then . :rofl:


----------



## warlock07

The lets be friends need not necessarily be a manipulative tool. She decided to end the relationship. What options does she have ?

1) Cut you off completely and act like she does not know you.

2) Say the lets be friends and be in minimal contact. Have a pleasant Hi and Bye when in social settings ?

The "lets be friends" in this case is just her putting it pleasantly "let us not hate one another if we see one another". It was not an actual offer for friendship.

Not everything is black and white. Bandit while 99% spot on during these situations, sometimes goes on little misogynistic rants  (Don't kill me bandit)


----------



## whyeme

No she genuinely wants to be friends she called me her best friend before we got together, it was her biggest fear in starting the relationship if we broke up and now its happened!! she is texting me and everything trying to start chats and go back to when we were just friends!!

I am going to have a proper face to face chat with her soon and say my piece, she did dump me via text message (well whatsapp!) and say look I will not be "just friends" it hurts me going forward and I won't be hurt by anybody want to do it face to face though not via text as that is just chicken sh*t!!


----------



## warlock07

Just don't reply back or keep replies to a minimum. 180


----------



## tom67

warlock07 said:


> Just don't reply back or keep replies to a minimum. 180


Not replying sends a stronger message imo.
Or reply a day later.
Because you were out with "someone"


----------



## whyeme

yeah thats what I was doing, unemotional responses back exactly that 180 rules now apply!!


----------



## Aerith

whyeme said:


> Yeah hate that just be friends garbage, although in her case she is not looking for a bloke she is very anti men!! always amazes me how quick women can just turn off their emotions this time last week we were having the best sex I have ever had and were totally and utterly lovey dovey her so more than me! 4 days later she blew the whole thing up very weird!!
> 
> With regards to the kids it was a bit different with xGF we were good friends before we got together so the kids had already been playing together etc... we were just very careful around them that they didn't see us as more than friends i.e. no kissing, cuddling etc... so hopefully no biggie to them!!
> 
> Need to find a girl who is not broken to begin with, she was a very broken woman so not surprised it ended like this! on the positive best sex I have ever had truly amazing, and she helped me put the final nail in the coffin of any feelings I had for my wife so thats a bonus!!


Hey, great sex is always great! :smthumbup:

Take the best from the relationship and keep it as good memories - and forget the rest...


----------



## bandit.45

warlock07 said:


> The lets be friends need not necessarily be a manipulative tool. She decided to end the relationship. What options does she have ?
> 
> 1) Cut you off completely and act like she does not know you.
> 
> 2) Say the lets be friends and be in minimal contact. Have a pleasant Hi and Bye when in social settings ?
> 
> The "lets be friends" in this case is just her putting it pleasantly "let us not hate one another if we see one another". It was not an actual offer for friendship.
> 
> Not everything is black and white. Bandit while 99% spot on during these situations, sometimes goes on little misogynistic rants  (Don't kill me bandit)


I respect your opinion. 

I'm not misogynistic. I'm a realist who's been around the block a few times. 

Once you have sex you have passed through a door that shuts and locks behind you. No going back. No passportou. 

Modern thinking metrosexual men may buy into that philosophy. Not me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> yeah thats what I was doing, unemotional responses back exactly that 180 rules now apply!!


Just tell her "look I'm all into being civil and polite. I'll even offer you a Tic Tac if we are sitting next to each other in church. Our kids can still hang out. But friends? No. I'm not here to listen to you yak about your dating problems and new boyfriends and whatnot. I don't play that game. Go find a gay guy to be friends with"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ripper

She helped get you through a dark period in your life, but honestly, the red flags she was flying could be seen from space. 

Now its time to find a replacement. Good hunting!


----------



## whyeme

Yeah I know there were a few red flags, are all women just mental or is it just the ones I pick lol!! 

Just concentrating on me again for now, hammering the gym as usual and spending time with friends just bouncing back basically luckily its only a 2 and a bit month relationship so shouldn't take much to get over!! should be back to normal in no time, wish it had happened next week not this week though 1 year anniversary of stbxw moving out on Friday so could have done without more emotional turmoil adding to the week!!


----------



## warlock07

bandit.45 said:


> I respect your opinion.
> 
> I'm not misogynistic. I'm a realist who's been around the block a few times.
> 
> Once you have sex you have passed through a door that shuts and locks behind you. No going back. No passportou.
> 
> Modern thinking metrosexual men may buy into that philosophy. Not me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe misogynistic was the wrong word. I apologize.


----------



## BobSimmons

whyeme said:


> Yeah I know there were a few red flags, are all women just mental or is it just the ones I pick lol!!
> 
> Just concentrating on me again for now, hammering the gym as usual and spending time with friends just bouncing back basically luckily its only a 2 and a bit month relationship so shouldn't take much to get over!! should be back to normal in no time, wish it had happened next week not this week though 1 year anniversary of stbxw moving out on Friday so could have done without more emotional turmoil adding to the week!!


Absolutely you might be picking them. I used to get involved with the same type of women, subconsciously maybe it was something I looked for but I didn't know it obviously or maybe I did.

Slightly broken, I thought they needed a "white knight" who didn't treat them like dirt like their previous guys. They were four in a row, all four blew up in my face. That is when I looked at myself, I was definitely picking them, so I stopped.

We can moan about the fact that we've been hurt and betrayed and that there are no good women out there blah blah, but there are. Women getting married to good men. Men in relationships with good women.

The betrayed unfortunately almost gain something akin to a superpower. The ability to see red flags almost instantaneously. You have this superpower. You also have patience to wait for the right one


----------



## whyeme

Lol your right about the white knight thing, that is what I was can see it now I would sacrifice my wants and needs whenever to become what she wanted or needed to be happy. 

You can't save somebody thats for sure, I learn that with stbxw why I got involved with somebody like that again is beyond me! I think part of it was the buzz of having somebody fancy me, not felt that in years so I kind of went with it. We did get on like a house on fire, amazingly scarily well but she has fundamental problems that no white knight can fix only she can but she is to busy blaming the world! 

I know a few nice women one of which I was thinking of asking out for a drink back in January but then xGF came along and I sort of ran with it, bit of a regret that lol!! 

Will just stick it out for a few weeks get myself back on track then go from there and see how I feel.


----------



## weightlifter

Disagree with many above. sometimes things just end. That is the basic reason to date: Vet them.

IF YOU want to be friends, be friends. This means you can hike together, take that obstacle course together, let your kids play together. And this one does NOT sound like your STBXW. Cmon. Again, sometimes it just ends. Don't overanalyze this.

This does not mean (like my college room mate) You listen to her whine about men or talk about her gyno problems. Think of her as a buddy you are slightly less crude to. IF you want. And certainly dont let her yoyo or plan B you.

I trust TAM has taught you a few things.

She gave you something of infinite value: She massively helped give you back your mojo and ego. Fully, intact, and in fact bigger. AND YOU got laid. A LOT. Freely willingly, and entusiastically she shared herself with you. She gave you nights you will always remember with a dumbazz smile.


----------



## Chaparral

Regarding you marriage, you should be celebrating the 1year anniv. from everything you wrote about your ex. Not pissing and moaning. Its Independence Day. Buy some fireworks and let your daughter light a fuse or two.(are fireworks allowed in the UK?)

Regarding your girlfriend, stay friends...............friends with benefits. Get a little game. You attach to quickly before you have vetted them.

Go here
Chateau Heartiste


----------



## whyeme

Weightlifter, I am worried she is going to try and yoyo/plan b, the break up was very odd and very very sudden and I am not sure I want to put myself in that situation!!

I have taken our relationship and her for what she was a great person to hang out with, amazing sex and showed me I can have feelings for somebody else and allowed me to nail shut any thought of getting back with stbxw!!

I have also I suppose shown her that not all men are [email protected] and that she can feel as well so she is also better off in a good way. Just could have done without breaking up a week before the 1 year anniversary of the ex moving out!!


----------



## weightlifter

Remember its all if WHYEME wants cause guess whose road it is?

YOURS

Seriously tho. Please do answer this question. What year was the last time you had a woman so enthusiastic about being in bed with you? File away the happy parts.


----------



## Wolf9

You have probably faced one of worst case scenario of cheating & still you are comparatively at very good place with showing great resolve. Just don't overthink significance of your relationship with your ex. GF Maybe she was your rebound girl who come at very important point to boost your mojo. Casual dating may prove very good for you for some period after your ordeal with stbxw. Aim for having at much better place at 2nd anniversary year while continuing your great bond with D. Good luck & don't take any undue pressure.


----------



## whyeme

I know it is i am going to have to see her so better to be amicable I will not be a shoulder to cry on, I don't mind talking etc... but I will not sit in her friends zone!!

Lol oh my wife and I had sex all the time that department was actually not a problem in our marriage, I even asked her that this time last year and she confirmed that for sure was not the reason it was all baby related and my lack of confidence which in fairness was a direct result of her ironically!!!

But other than my wife 2001 as far as I am aware, used to get the odd woman flirt with me before I gained weight but that was it not exactly the most confident of people, lot better now but I wasn't then!


----------



## whyeme

Feeling way to down the last couple of days, not good!!!! least the 1 year anniversary is over just need to pick myself up and smile again somehow!!!

Need some TAM pick me up, help!!!


----------



## WhiteRaven

whyeme said:


> Feeling way to down the last couple of days, not good!!!! least the 1 year anniversary is over just need to pick myself up and smile again somehow!!!
> 
> Need some TAM pick me up, help!!!


Need a brotherly hug, bro? Here's one.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

whyeme said:


> Feeling way to down the last couple of days, not good!!!! least the 1 year anniversary is over just need to pick myself up and smile again somehow!!!
> 
> Need some TAM pick me up, help!!!


I'm guessing that you're feeling down has more to do with you and your ex-gf breaking up(i.e., your "alone") on the anniversary, then the anniversary it's self.

Don't just sit there and wallow the day away, go do something.

Call a friend and go to a movie, or go some where there are people.

Occupy your mind for the day.


----------



## weightlifter

Hard but compared to Aug 20 2013 dude, you have walked many miles upward since then.

Keep that fitness thing going. BTW sort of curious about that obstacle thing.
How long did you train?
What was the course like?
What was your time?
You finished 1st 2nd 3rd middle? etc of how many peeps? How many did not finish?


----------



## whyeme

Think I need to stop speaking to the exgf to be honest!! she is nice to me one minute then just starts critiscing me feels like I am married again!!

No idea what happened with her we were very happy together, there was an incident at the park where D11 acted up and exgf was not happy with her, called her embarrassing to her face which I was not happy with.

After that she turned very cold towards me before 4 days later breaking it off saying she wanted space, since then she has wanted to remain friends but has started to pick at me and pick at me for all sorts of nothing like faults, any idea what that's about just out of interest I am about to tell her to go stick her "friendship" where the sun don't shine because I will not be around people who put me down and are negative towards me especially when it is not true!!!

Oh the fitness thing was awesome, turned out to be 7 1/2 mile trawling through mud in the English lake district, I did it got to the end, managed to endure a hell of a lot of pain and am very proud of the achievement there were no places it was just a try and make it to the end race!!


----------



## WhiteRaven

whyeme said:


> Oh the fitness thing was awesome, turned out to be 7 1/2 mile trawling through mud in the English lake district, I did it got to the end, managed to endure a hell of a lot of pain and am very proud of the achievement there were no places it was just a try and make it to the end race!!


:smthumbup:

Stir clear of women for a while. Seems like you are still attracting crazies.


----------



## jim123

whyeme said:


> Think I need to stop speaking to the exgf to be honest!! she is nice to me one minute then just starts critiscing me feels like I am married again!!
> 
> No idea what happened with her we were very happy together, there was an incident at the park where D11 acted up and exgf was not happy with her, called her embarrassing to her face which I was not happy with.
> 
> After that she turned very cold towards me before 4 days later breaking it off saying she wanted space, since then she has wanted to remain friends but has started to pick at me and pick at me for all sorts of nothing like faults, any idea what that's about just out of interest I am about to tell her to go stick her "friendship" where the sun don't shine because I will not be around people who put me down and are negative towards me especially when it is not true!!!
> 
> Oh the fitness thing was awesome, turned out to be 7 1/2 mile trawling through mud in the English lake district, I did it got to the end, managed to endure a hell of a lot of pain and am very proud of the achievement there were no places it was just a try and make it to the end race!!


In the end it will work out. Take your time and things will fall into place.


----------



## tdwal

whyeme said:


> Think I need to stop speaking to the exgf to be honest!! she is nice to me one minute then just starts critiscing me feels like I am married again!!
> 
> No idea what happened with her we were very happy together, there was an incident at the park where D11 acted up and exgf was not happy with her, called her embarrassing to her face which I was not happy with.
> 
> After that she turned very cold towards me before 4 days later breaking it off saying she wanted space, since then she has wanted to remain friends but has started to pick at me and pick at me for all sorts of nothing like faults, any idea what that's about just out of interest I am about to tell her to go stick her "friendship" where the sun don't shine because I will not be around people who put me down and are negative towards me especially when it is not true!!!
> 
> Oh the fitness thing was awesome, turned out to be 7 1/2 mile trawling through mud in the English lake district, I did it got to the end, managed to endure a hell of a lot of pain and am very proud of the achievement there were no places it was just a try and make it to the end race!!


That behavior is probably the real reason she is divorced.


----------



## whyeme

Yeah she started again with a couple more pops last night, its like she is trying to force herself to dislike me or something! women are so confusing lol!!!


----------



## bandit.45

Whyme you may need to start looking for a new church. You need to get away from that woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral

Google sh!t tests and see if that doesn't look familiar. You should be handleing this the MMSLP way. You are letting another woman control things.


----------



## whyeme

Just started reading MMSLP, find the whole situation with exgf very strange more annoying than anything else not feeling massively heart broken or anything just hate again not knowing what went wrong think it was definitely a her not me thing I personally think she didn't have the patience for D11, strange how I was fine with her kids lol!!!


----------



## bandit.45

A woman sometimes is jealous of the children from her BF's or husbands first wife. Some men are the same way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07

How does she criticize you ?

Give us an example


----------



## whyeme

Well guys all I can say is I am feeling massively depressed at the moment!! think its just because its May!! beginning was a year since the stbxw left, our wedding anniversary was a few days and well all the stuff with my ex gf!! 

Feels like I was making progress then it all came crashing down to earth at a million miles an hour!!


----------



## jim123

whyeme said:


> Well guys all I can say is I am feeling massively depressed at the moment!! think its just because its May!! beginning was a year since the stbxw left, our wedding anniversary was a few days and well all the stuff with my ex gf!!
> 
> Feels like I was making progress then it all came crashing down to earth at a million miles an hour!!


Keep moving forward, it will all work out.


----------



## weightlifter

You will pull thru. C'mon compared to last year...

Once away from anniversaries.


----------



## whyeme

Yeah I know!! wish I had never got involved with the ex gf to be honest now, was great to have tons of amazing sex but now I kind of regret it!! possibly because I hate not knowing what went wrong she flipped literally in a few hours from lovey dovey to lets be friends!! 

it was after we all went to the park and had an amazing time, D11 through a bit of a temper tantrum at the end nothing too massive but that was all I can think of because it doesn't make sense, she did text me about that before she called it all off so only think I can think of she did the break up by text and then friend zoned me!!


----------



## terrence4159

it will take a long time to stop the roller coaster whyme. it is normal but sucks. one day at a time and one day it will go away.


----------



## whyeme

i like rollercoasters just not emotional ones lol, driving me insane now I liked living a simple life, no drama just quiet peaceful family life!! I feel like I am in a soap and it sucks big time!!

On the positive I am working on myself now as its obvious thats where the problem is, no more psychos lol thats my moto!!


----------



## weightlifter

That GF did more long term good for you than you can imagine.

Throw away the bad last week and file the good 2 months away and smile about them. Think about how much you had turned around on that after Valentines day post. Cut down on contact with ex gf now. It was a nice normal break up. Stung? Yep but that is the exact reason for dating. Of course D11 is still #1

True love 2.0 is out there somewhere. You will be surprised when it overtakes you and you find yourself reciting those three words again. DONT be the hopeless old man in the park.

BTW divorce status?


----------



## happyman64

Whyeme

It is like riding a horse.

You get thrown off you get back on.

And sometimes you need to replace that horse for a newer one.

Or a younger one.

Or a more beautiful one.

Or one that is less crazy and does not throw you off as much..



HM


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Is there any point?*



happyman64 said:


> Whyeme
> 
> It is like riding a horse.
> 
> You get thrown off you get back on.
> 
> And sometimes you need to replace that horse for a newer one.
> 
> Or a younger one.
> 
> Or a more beautiful one.
> 
> Or one that is less crazy and does not throw you off as much..
> 
> 
> 
> HM


Just be sure to stroke the mane. They like that.


----------



## whyeme

lol cheers guys well I met up with the exgf for coffee today and finally know what happened!!

Basically she didn't like how D11 had a tantrum and that was it because it annoyed her, she reckons she doesn't love me anymore and that she can turn her love off like a switch and thats what happened!!

Here is the interesting bit apparently she did that with her ex husband, she just woke up one morning deciding she no longer loves him and left him like that!! she says she has been incapable of loving anybody since her dad died 4 years ago, apparently it took her 2 years to love her new born daughter after this event.

I would appreciate some insight in to this, all seems a bit odd to me!! I do still have strong feelings for this girl we were sort of together for 5 months but I find the above very weird and would love some insight in to how a person can do that!!

I have now broken all contact with her from today just would love to know some insight on this.

Cheers


----------



## GusPolinski

whyeme said:


> lol cheers guys well I met up with the exgf for coffee today and finally know what happened!!
> 
> Basically she didn't like how D11 had a tantrum and that was it because it annoyed her, she reckons she doesn't love me anymore and that she can turn her love off like a switch and thats what happened!!
> 
> Here is the interesting bit apparently she did that with her ex husband, she just woke up one morning deciding she no longer loves him and left him like that!! she says she has been incapable of loving anybody since her dad died 4 years ago, apparently it took her 2 years to love her new born daughter after this event.
> 
> I would appreciate some insight in to this, all seems a bit odd to me!! I do still have strong feelings for this girl we were sort of together for 5 months but I find the above very weird and would love some insight in to how a person can do that!!
> 
> I have now broken all contact with her from today just would love to know some insight on this.
> 
> Cheers


Run.


----------



## tom67

whyeme said:


> lol cheers guys well I met up with the exgf for coffee today and finally know what happened!!
> 
> Basically she didn't like how D11 had a tantrum and that was it because it annoyed her, she reckons she doesn't love me anymore and that she can turn her love off like a switch and thats what happened!!
> 
> Here is the interesting bit apparently she did that with her ex husband, she just woke up one morning deciding she no longer loves him and left him like that!! she says she has been incapable of loving anybody since her dad died 4 years ago, apparently it took her 2 years to love her new born daughter after this event.
> 
> I would appreciate some insight in to this, all seems a bit odd to me!! I do still have strong feelings for this girl we were sort of together for 5 months but I find the above very weird and would love some insight in to how a person can do that!!
> 
> I have now broken all contact with her from today just would love to know some insight on this.
> 
> Cheers


She sounds mentally unstable.
Hey you had your fun.
But for someone to flip on a dime like that...run!


----------



## whyeme

lol I am running but I just like to know the psychology side lol, just a curious person by nature!! so anybody know the psycho babble for this behaviour lol!!


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Is there any point?*



whyeme said:


> lol I am running but I just like to know the psychology side lol, just a curious person by nature!! so anybody know the psycho babble for this behaviour lol!!


I believe the correct medical term is Battsh Ytecr Z.

I think it's Latin...or German


----------



## whyeme

lol not going to get a serious answer to this am i lol!!


----------



## GusPolinski

If I were to engage in a bit of "armchair psychology", I'd say that, at some point in her life, she experienced some sort of severe emotional trauma and, as a result, developed a coping mechanism that allows her to detach from people relatively quickly. Or, at the very least, significantly more quickly than the average person.

That... or she's batsh*t crazy.


----------



## whyeme

Yes sounds right then the loss of her dad as they were very close, also explains why shouldn't couldn't love her own child possibly!!


----------



## GusPolinski

Dunno. Are you saying that it took her 2 years after the child was born to attach to him/her *or* she detached from her child once her father died and then it took her 2 years to reattach...?


----------



## whyeme

2 years to form the attachment she couldn't attach at all when it was born which is amazing to think!!


----------



## alte Dame

I will take a stab at the psychology, since it hits a bit near home.

She has abandonment issues. She subconsciously assumes that she will be left (the way her father left her) and she makes preemptive strikes that safeguard her heart. She has low self-esteem and assumes that she will not have love forever, so she walls off a large part of herself.

People like this have a hard time with empathy because empathizing means that other people would react the way that they do, which is to cut things off before the supposedly inevitable abandonment occurs.


----------



## GusPolinski

whyeme said:


> 2 years to form the attachment she couldn't attach at all when it was born which is amazing to think!!


She may have been convinced -- at some level -- that she was at risk of losing her son. Delaying the attachment until she felt that she was "out of the woods" in that regard was likely nothing more than the defense mechanism kicking into gear; in fact, if her father had only recently passed away, that may have been its first real manifestation (assuming, of course, that said issues stem from her father's death). 

A woman once told me that she didn't feel emotionally attached to her child at all during her pregnancy and that it took some time for that attachment to take hold after he/she was born. (I don't know that it was 2 years, though.) I remember being a little shocked when she told me this but it made sense after I thought about it, especially given some of the issues that she'd previously had in getting pregnant and carrying pregnancies to term.


----------



## bfree

In any event it's a sad way to live.


----------



## GusPolinski

bfree said:


> In any event it's a sad way to live.


:iagree:


----------



## whyeme

I know its a very sad way to live, I have agreed we can be friends and have placed her in my "friend zone" wish I could help her she is a lovely girl but the only person who can help her is herself! 

She prefers a bad boy who treats like crap and not somebody who doesn't!! My main issue is self confidence, its funny I have been watching several dating system videos by the pros to sort my dating skills out and I already do a lot of the stuff they recommend even how to pick up a girl, making her laugh etc... already do it!!!

Never connected with a girl like my exgf I really haven't, we got on together on so many levels its such a shame she is broken in this way as we were doing so well together :-(

oh well onwards and upwards I suppose!!


----------



## davecarter

whyeme said:


> I know its a very sad way to live, I have agreed we can be friends and have placed her in my "friend zone" wish I could help her she is a lovely girl but the only person who can help her is herself!
> 
> She prefers a bad boy who treats like crap and not somebody who doesn't!! My main issue is self confidence, its funny I have been watching several dating system videos by the pros to sort my dating skills out and I already do a lot of the stuff they recommend even how to pick up a girl, making her laugh etc... already do it!!!
> 
> Never connected with a girl like my exgf I really haven't, we got on together on so many levels its such a shame she is broken in this way as we were doing so well together :-(
> 
> oh well onwards and upwards I suppose!!


Lost count of how many women I've met or know of, who're like this.


----------



## whyeme

well i am learning to be a "bad boy" on the surface but be the nice guy inside, apparently thats the best way to be!!


----------



## whyeme

You know what I think what she said is bullsh*t!!! this is like a woman having an affair!! its the same feeling as soon as they started chatting each other up she went very distance and her attitude towards me changed overnight! it was exactly like what my ex wife did!! that is why I knew something was going on didn't need her to tell me I just knew and 30 seconds on Facebook gave me what I presumed was going to be the guy and I was right!!

Tell you what the red flag detector is amazing isn't it, I sensed everything perfectly!! problem is the whole event has caused a massive trigger event in my head, my fight or flight has kicked in heart rate is extremely elevated, I couldn't sleep last night at all I got 2 hours!! This is fight or flight written all over it!!

This is really not good!! feel like I am back to last May emotionally up and down at the moment probably not helped by lack of sleep and I can't remember how I got out of this last year! think this is more the trigger memory than losing the exgf!!

Help!!!


----------



## TheBaxter

So this girlfriend cheated on you? Why do you pick these losers?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## weightlifter

Clarification. WHO cheated and you found it on FB. 

When is D final?

anyway take on ex gf.

Be friends if you can get past it truly. If not dont. Do NOT reengage. 

I think you are at a temp low mostly caused by last year with this year acting as a trigger.

I do NOT see the hopeless man of Aug 20 of last year. Life is NOT all up.. As I said. Throw away the last week with her and file the two months of raw passion in the happy memories section of your brain.


----------



## whyeme

Lol no she didn't cheat on me!! we were "broken up" but she kept acting like we were together arranging things even having holiday together, wanting to move in together it was very strange!! then some guy started chatting her up late last week and her personality just changed overnight and she became cold towards me exactly like stbxw did which is probably what has smashed me up a bit!!

Yeah I don't think I want to be friends with her, I have feelings for her and I know she did for me but she is messing with my head to a point where quite honestly I don't want to know her because it will probably stop me moving to the next girl, don't want to be stuck in the friends zone pining for somebody who doesn't care about me!!

D status is still getting funds together, nearly there now though then I will initiate it!


----------



## weightlifter

Dude. Once broken up. You are BOTH free. She found hers. She did nothing wrong.

YOU do the same.


----------



## whyeme

Yeah I know she is free, it was all the mind games she played after she broke up that has annoyed me! more annoyed at myself for this first few days I ignored her after we broke up then she kept texting me so I started talking to her again should have just kept it like that and just cut off all ties with her!!

The guy chatting her up is a drunk, druggie but she wanted a "bad boy" so looks like she chose the perfect one lol!! shame she has 3 kids that could potentially get exposed to goodness only knows if this progresses past having a couple of harmless dates!! oh well not my problem!!

Just need to move on, am working on myself at the moment anyway trying a new thing today saying hello to every stranger I walk past, not met many yet as I have been at work but tonight at the gym is the time to try!! I am a very shy person so this is going to be well outside my comfort zone but apparently a good way of building up confidence and self esteem so what do I have to lose lol!!!


----------



## farsidejunky

All the mind games she played AFTER she broke up? It was after. You two were over as a couple. That's what happens when you break up. If you feel like you were played in this scenario it is your fault, not hers, for allowing any hope of getting back together.


----------



## whyeme

Yeah I know it is my fault, should have just done my original plan and cut her completely off!! lesson for the future learnt!!

The only reason I didn't is because we broke up once before it lasted overnight and she changed her mind, time of the month just like it was this time round as well so I thought it might be that again!!

Anyway I have been an idiot for letting her lead me along thinking we would get back together again she did say it a couple of times!! need to keep improving myself to try and attract a girl who is not a nut job!! this girl was very broken to begin with so this was destined to failure to be honest!!

Onwards upwards, just need to cheer up now need the fight or flight instinct to die down and sure I will be fine!!


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

whyeme said:


> well i am learning to be a "bad boy" on the surface but be the nice guy inside, apparently thats the best way to be!!


----------



## weightlifter

Groundpounder. Good but....

Should have found similar but pregnant.


----------



## warlock07

> The only reason I didn't is because we broke up once before it lasted overnight and* she changed her mind,* time of the month just like it was this time round as well so I thought it might be that again!!


Hint: read this again


----------



## Lostinthought61

you realize that the odds of her trying to work herself back into you will be high....the bad boy will not work out and she will be looking for you to comfort her......until the next guy...i give it 2-3 weeks and she will be looking you up...


----------



## tom67

Xenote said:


> you realize that the odds of her trying to work herself back into you will be high....the bad boy will not work out and she will be looking for you to comfort her......until the next guy...i give it 2-3 weeks and she will be looking you up...


:iagree:
Perfectly dysfunctional.


----------



## whyeme

haha love it!! she will probably try but hey hopefully I will have found somebody a lot hotter, I have lost tons of weight since I fell for her gained lots of muscle and get looked at by women now which I am soooo not used to!!

I tried a social experiment tonight, I am normally a very shy introvert person but I thought nothing to lose!!

I walked in to the gym as if I knew everyone! I struck up conversation with anybody said hello to everybody I walked past male or female and wow what a buzz that was!! I can't describe what it do me or my ego, I am amazed at how easy it is to actually talk to complete and utter strangers!! I was having banter with the guys in the changing room, touting the benefits of a combat class to a new starter she was really engaged with me, spoke to a girl I had seen a few times but never spoke to and well had a fantastic time. Oh and I attended my combat class lol, even in there I was the life and soul of it, counting, shouting along even when no one else was to increase peoples motivation the works!!

Amazing experience, will be repeating it again next week as D11 is away at camp for a week so plenty of time to work on me!! going to blast my self confidence issue once and for all!!

Out of interest I had a look at the private messages between me and my ex on Facebook from just after we met, scientific study as I have been learning about how to flirt and build my confidence and I was stunned!! when you see how these pick up artists pick up girls and the guides they create my messages were almost perfect to how they do it, they were funny, sexual innuendo at the right moments I got her laughing and going several times and it worked great I was shocked to be honest I never realised I was that good!! my issue is I can't repeat that in real life in front of a girl only by message, hopefully build that confidence up and I can at least get to the point where we are messaging each other at the minimum!!

Anyway stuff the ex wife, the ex girlfriend I am worth more why settle for second best thats for sure!!


----------



## lovepetal

my husband handed me his laptop and asked me to fix it anyway a window popped up it was a gmail account i knew nothing about inside were many messages from a site called milfaholics i went through them all and found his username and password i went onto his unpaid account and he had a nasty profile that was jan 1 2014 i was upset about it the other day and tried to talk to him about it he told me i need to get over it please help sounds to me like he is not sorry


----------



## Ripper

whyeme said:


> haha love it!! she will probably try but hey hopefully I will have found somebody a lot hotter,


If not, you can always use a booty call. Seems to be all she is after anyway.


----------



## Decorum

whyeme said:


> Yeah I know it is my fault, should have just done my original plan and cut her completely off!! lesson for the future learnt!!
> 
> The only reason I didn't is because we broke up once before it lasted overnight and she changed her mind, time of the month just like it was this time round as well so I thought it might be that again!!
> 
> Anyway I have been an idiot for letting her lead me along thinking we would get back together again she did say it a couple of times!! need to keep improving myself to try and attract a girl who is not a nut job!! this girl was very broken to begin with so this was destined to failure to be honest!!
> 
> Onwards upwards, just need to cheer up now need the fight or flight instinct to die down and sure I will be fine!!




whyeme,

I am glad you see this, you have a lot to offer and your feelings are normal for a lot of guys. You are working on a better way for your life. Those actions ARE an improvement.

Listen, you went after a broken woman, maybe because you saw her need and availability. As I recall she was not looking to date.

That is an action that is not an improvement. Granted you cannot always tell but this one was visible, make a commitment to yourself, no more NISA, everyone carries the load in a relationship!!!!!!!

Sorry for your trigger, she is a heartbreak waiting to happen.

Stay away from her or you may experience the TAM Cyber a$$ kicking, ha ha ha. Be warned! Be afraid! Be very afraid!


----------



## Decorum

lovepetal said:


> my husband handed me his laptop and asked me to fix it anyway a window popped up it was a gmail account i knew nothing about inside were many messages from a site called milfaholics i went through them all and found his username and password i went onto his unpaid account and he had a nasty profile that was jan 1 2014 i was upset about it the other day and tried to talk to him about it he told me i need to get over it please help sounds to me like he is not sorry


Lovepetal,
You will get the most help by starting your own thread.
Go here Coping with Infidelity
Below the line of page numbers near the top right you will see the forum tool. Click on it and select Start you own thread.

I am sorry for your situation, I wish you well.

Take care!


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> Yeah I know it is my fault, should have just done my original plan and cut her completely off!! lesson for the future learnt!!
> 
> The only reason I didn't is because we broke up once before it lasted overnight and she changed her mind, time of the month just like it was this time round as well so I thought it might be that again!!
> 
> Anyway I have been an idiot for letting her lead me along thinking we would get back together again she did say it a couple of times!! need to keep improving myself to try and attract a girl who is not a nut job!! this girl was very broken to begin with so this was destined to failure to be honest!!
> 
> Onwards upwards, just need to cheer up now need the fight or flight instinct to die down and sure I will be fine!!


I hate to say I told you so....but, uh...I told you so. Never, ever, ever stay friends with a woman you have had a serious relationship with. The minute they meet the successor, you are history in their eyes, an irritant...doesn't matter how much they claimed to have loved you. 

Now that you learned this painful lesson, you will never do it again...correct?


----------



## 3putt

Am I the only one that's finds this somewhat amusing? Most men who have been through what he has would still be b!tching about his WW's activities. But, oh no, not our boy whyeme. He's already b!tching about his first EXGF.


----------



## Ripper

Breaking the "oneitis" is difficult to do. Once you mange it, you feel ridiculous for feeling that way in the first place.


----------



## whyeme

Yeah problem is I do still love her, I have this morning blocked her on Facebook, she posted that she is "feeling awesome" this morning feels like she is trying to make me jealous well I can't be a*sed with it all sure I can get a woman far more attractive and less emotionally broken good luck to the "bad boy"!! it amazes me how like my ex this woman has been over our break up, no regrets nothing just move on to the next person maybe there is something about me that attracts them lol!!

Anyway back to improving me as that is the only thing I do have control over! self help stuff and boosting my confidence is the key to this I believe!


----------



## davecarter

bandit.45 said:


> I hate to say I told you so....but, uh...I told you so. Never, ever, ever stay friends with a woman you have had a serious relationship with. The minute they meet the successor, you are history in their eyes, an irritant...doesn't matter how much they claimed to have loved you.
> 
> Now that you learned this painful lesson, you will never do it again...correct?


I'd go one better and say never ever, ever stay friends with a woman, _period_.
Not unless you're going to f*ck her.


Then, when you have, never, ever, ever stay friends with her.


----------



## azteca1986

Yeah, sorry to intrude on all this locker room bravado, but whyme has a daughter that he has to remain a good example to (seeing as her mother has totally failed in that respect).


----------



## whyeme

Well I have just done something very very insane, I just signed up for my Level 2 fitness instructor + Bodycombat instructor course!! talk about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone!! can't wait to get this nailed and teach it


----------



## barbados

whyeme said:


> Well I have just done something very very insane, I just signed up for my Level 2 fitness instructor + Bodycombat instructor course!! talk about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone!! can't wait to get this nailed and teach it


And not if, but WHEN you do, you will have so many women interested in you the exGF will be a forgotten memory !!


----------



## whyeme

I know I thought that myself when I though of doing it a few months ago lol thats gotta be a bit of a babe magnet considering out of the classes i take there are normal 4-5 blokes then 40 women!! thats good odds lol plus more importantly i was thinking the confidence it will bring me and boost to my self esteem will hopefully naturally boost my attraction powers with women!!!

who knows main reason I want to do it is to pass on what I learnt to others as this literally saved my life and mind!!


----------



## whyeme

Need cheering up, anybody got any good stuff for online dating profiles!! gonna try a bit of fishing need some fun dates I think nothing serious just company and have a laugh!!


----------



## Ripper

Online dating sucks for men. I would recommend not pursuing that avenue, it will probably make you feel worse.

Your fitness instructor idea was best. Any hobbies that have women involved are good places to start.

Are you looking for hookups or relationships?


----------



## Chaparral

Take some ballroom dancing lessons too. And have a good time. Women love men that can dance.


----------



## whyeme

lol I tell you what how women work will always baffle me!! this woman is all loved up with this new guy already, wtf she has never even met him in real life lol!!!

I feel sorry for her kids she is going to drag them through sh*t again, poor things they are such nice kids as well they loved me to bits!! 

Anyway just defriended her from facebook, blocked her on whatsapp and thats it!! last straw seeing her saying how loved she is feeling for a druggie and a drunk!! It feels like she is trying to relieve relationship through this guy if you asked me but who knows!!

Anyway I have my gym instructor course to get on with and we are planning a couple of nights out so who knows hopefully there is a chance of pulling!!

I thought online dating would be good to get a few dates for practice, I am not after another relationship just female company i.e. casual dating for now and who knows!!


----------



## bandit.45

Stop thinking about the exGF Whyme. She sounds broken and immature. She used your daughter's tantrum as an easy excuse to get out of the relationship. My bet is she was online schmoozing with this other guy while the two of you were still dating. It was all part of a plan. 

Otherwise, you are doing fine.


----------



## whyeme

Yeah I am trying to just feels like a mild version of the ex wife again!! thrown away and moved on in rapid time this time basically a week and she is already saying she loves somebody else! feel like women can't love me no matter what they say!!!

They only met 1 1/2 weeks ago on Facebook by the way there was no chance of it being cheating but she was still sort of seeing me and making all sorts of plans with me a couple of days before, I did go no contact when we first broke up wish I stayed that way but I am now!!

Just upsetting really I just can't see in my head what it is or how I seem to end up like this quite infuriating!! I thought women when they fall in love got hit harder when they break up but doesn't seem to be the case with women I go with.

I don't think its loosing her I just feel like I am never going to find somebody or shall I say somebody who isn't go to do this to me!!


----------



## azteca1986

Take a little break from the dating for a little. I think this might be a good time to have a proper look at yourself. You've come a huge way, but...

You just mentioned that the way your ex-bf behaved was like a mild version of your (ex?) wife. So, now would be a good time to ask yourself if there's something about the kind of women you attract and/or are attracted to that might bear looking at? I don't know. I did think you both bonded very rapidly - two people looking at each other like human life rafts. Bearing in mind what you've been through in the past year this is hardly surprising, perhaps, but it isn't a viable long-term strategy.

And if you do proceed with casual dating, this should mean not meeting that person's children, right?


----------



## whyeme

Whilst I was with her she didn't it was how she left me that was like my ex, I still struggle to see how you can just move on like she has thats what reminds me of my ex wife I suppose and the fact she is all loved up again just seems weird!! 

I can understand an affair to a degree because normally it takes several weeks/months of neglect whilst they fall out of love with you but this literally was an overnight thing then it looked like we were getting back together then blink of an eye she is seeing somebody else!! I blocked her Facebook because she is posting how happy she is and how loved she now feels with a guy she has known for 1 1/2 weeks lol!! all very odd its like she wanted me to see them, but knowing women I am probably over analysing that!!


----------



## whyeme

And casual dating people preferably with no kids!! the only reason we met each others kids is because we met at the church childrens party lol!!! and we kept it all under wraps for some time the only person who knew anything was the eldest son!


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Is there any point?*



whyeme said:


> And casual dating people preferably with no kids!! the only reason we met each others kids is because we met at the church childrens party lol!!! and we kept it all under wraps for some time the only person who knew anything was the eldest son!


Maybe the secrecy enhanced the relationship to her. She sounds like someone who would be prime for an affair. Just be glad you found out early.


----------



## azteca1986

Was she equally as fast to say such things about you? (How loved by you she is, etc)

I agree the rapid letting go is (obviously) a bad sign, but I also got the impression she was equally swift at the beginning of the relationship. Not to keep banging on. Just trying to help you fine tune your 'picker'.


----------



## whyeme

No it took us 2 months to actually go to more than friends, once we were we did say I love you within a couple of weeks but that is more because we had built our relationship up over this time it was just taking us to the next level! the thing that hurts the most is that we were such amazing friends before should have stayed in the friend zone would have been easier!

With regards to affairs, she nearly did twice in her marriage but stood the high ground and stopped it before it happened so give her some credit there at least!!

I don't know just find it weird especially how she quite literally over the last 4-5 days threw me under the bus I don't get that bit at all its quite annoying!!


----------



## WhiteRaven

whyme, stay away from women for a while. You are getting all the psychoes ATM.


----------



## whyeme

lol I did notice that!! I wish I could just get over somebody like she did just find it very odd that is what I am struggling with more than anything else!!


----------



## WhiteRaven

whyeme said:


> lol I did notice that!! I wish I could just get over somebody like she did just find it very odd that is what I am struggling with more than anything else!!


Best way to get over her? stop talking about her, thinking bout her, posting about her. And one day - Voila! Who the fk was she????:scratchhead:


----------



## whyeme

haha love it but you know that is easier said than done!!! but yeah so anyway hows the weather lol


----------



## WhiteRaven

whyeme said:


> haha love it but you know that is easier said than done!!! but yeah so anyway hows the weather lol


If it was supposed to be easy, it wouldn't have posted it in your thread. Guess what, there's a whyme fanclub in TAM. At least don't let your admirers down


----------



## whyeme

lol I have a fan club in the real world as well  so many people have been inspired by my journey and are proud of me. I am in our citys local paper next week half page on how amazing I have done in the last year losing all this weight and getting my life in order.

I have a few friends who are getting coaching from me on how to lose weight and feel great! Hopefully this is just a blip hey we all have to feel down once in a while, I will recover move on and have fun again!!


----------



## N211SP

Whyeme,

This is brilliant and your potential female audience is only going to increase as a result. Oh and it will more than likely really pi$$ off your exes (not that you care about that anyway)!



whyeme said:


> lol I have a fan club in the real world as well  so many people have been inspired by my journey and are proud of me. I am in our citys local paper next week half page on how amazing I have done in the last year losing all this weight and getting my life in order.
> 
> I have a few friends who are getting coaching from me on how to lose weight and feel great! Hopefully this is just a blip hey we all have to feel down once in a while, I will recover move on and have fun again!!


----------



## bandit.45

whyeme said:


> lol I did notice that!! I wish I could just get over somebody like she did just find it very odd that is what I am struggling with more than anything else!!


She falls in love....she falls outta love.....she falls in love... she falls outta love....

Wishy washy fickle....

She sounds extreeeeemly immature, like a grade schooler stuck at perpetual 16 y.o. 

We'll the ditz doesn't understand the difference between being infatuated and being in love. She sounds so immature as to be almost comical. Why does her dysfunction bother you so much? It shouldn't. What it should do is motivate you to find a mature woman who acts like a mature woman and not like your ex wife and ex-GF. You Whyme, need to figure out why your chick radar is so fvcked up, and learn to avoid such infants.


----------



## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> She falls in love....she falls outta love.....she falls in love... she falls outta love....
> 
> Wishy washy fickle....
> 
> She sounds extreeeeemly immature, like a grade schooler stuck at perpetual 16 y.o.
> 
> We'll the ditz doesn't understand the difference between being infatuated and being in love. She sounds so immature as to be almost comical. Why does her dysfunction bother you so much? It shouldn't. What it should do is motivate you to find a mature woman who acts like a mature woman and not like your ex wife and ex-GF. You Whyme, need to figure out why your chick radar is so fvcked up, and learn to avoid such infants.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## WhiteRaven

bandit.45 said:


> She falls in love....she falls outta love.....she falls in love... she falls outta love....
> 
> Wishy washy fickle....
> 
> She sounds extreeeeemly immature, like a grade schooler stuck at perpetual 16 y.o.
> 
> We'll the ditz doesn't understand the difference between being infatuated and being in love. She sounds so immature as to be almost comical. Why does her dysfunction bother you so much? It shouldn't. What it should do is motivate you to find a mature woman who acts like a mature woman and not like your ex wife and ex-GF. You Whyme, need to figure out why your chick radar is so fvcked up, and learn to avoid such infants.


Seems like OP has white-knight syndrome.


----------



## whyeme

You know whats really funny, our church pastor spoke to me when I was out at a church thing Saturday night. He asked me what happened between me and the exgf were we split up or together... and I said yes we had split up and she has moved on!! 

His response was I was going to warn you before you dated her that she has major issues, she hasn't got over her dad and she acts like a child especially with what she did to her ex husband who he knew!! made me smile when you guys compared her to it above. Think I dodged a bullet!!

I went on plenty of fish last night just for fun, spoke to 6 different women and 5 of them struck up conversation with me so my profile pic must look quite good!! when i did it last august time I got nowhere nobody would even acknowledge my messages so that was a massive confidence booster and the profile is pretty much the same!! shows how much importance we all place on looks thats for sure!!

PS not white knight syndrome I went for the first woman who found me attractive because of my self confidence!!


----------



## WhiteRaven

whyeme said:


> You know whats really funny, our church pastor spoke to me when I was out at a church thing Saturday night. He asked me what happened between me and the exgf were we split up or together... and I said yes we had split up and she has moved on!!
> 
> His response was I was going to warn you before you dated her that she has major issues, she hasn't got over her dad and she acts like a child especially with what she did to her ex husband who he knew!! made me smile when you guys compared her to it above. Think I dodged a bullet!!
> 
> I went on plenty of fish last night just for fun, spoke to 6 different women and 5 of them struck up conversation with me so my profile pic must look quite good!! when i did it last august time I got nowhere nobody would even acknowledge my messages so that was a massive confidence booster and the profile is pretty much the same!! shows how much importance we all place on looks thats for sure!!
> 
> PS not white knight syndrome I went for the first woman who found me attractive because of my self confidence!!


First kill syndrome ?

:rofl::rofl:


----------



## whyeme

Had an ace time today, went shopping and chatted up this stunning blonde woman!! think my flirting skills are actually really really good, she gave me all the signs only issue is she was visiting from Denmark, had a gorgeous gorgeous accent as well what a shame!! but got in some practice showed I can get a total stranger in to me at least lol!!

Think I am more attractive than I think lol, have to try it again next time I am out


----------



## weightlifter

So when is the whyeme picking up girls site going up?

Ill say it again. Whyeme today is not the whyeme of aug 20 2013.


----------



## whyeme

Dunno weightlifter, I joined a couple of dating sites and have had 11 girls contact me in a couple of days!!! I am not used to it but its ace, my female friend says I am a 6.5 -7 so not complaining! I am going to get a new hair style at the weekend mines a bit year 2000 spikey boy band look lol needs a refresh!! think that will push it up a bit further maybe help pull an even better looking woman lol  

Don't know what I would rate my ex there was something about her smile and eyes, but 3 kids and probably around a 16-18 size wise counts against her but she had a great personality and was good in bed lol had a lot of fun but sure I can do better ;-)

Just want to have fun at the moment, too much BS from exgf and wife, I just want to enjoy life for now I am only 32 still time to settle down in a year or 2 lol!!


----------



## weightlifter

Dude we want you to heal as WHYEME defines it until that definition is crazy. At that time we abuse you verbally until you shape up.


----------



## whyeme

So I have made my City's local paper looks like I have inspired a few people now , I have shortened the link because it has a lot of information in it don't want somebody to google search the article and find this page!!

Here

Have fun!!


----------



## GusPolinski

whyeme said:


> So I have made my City's local paper looks like I have inspired a few people now , I have shortened the link because it has a lot of information in it don't want somebody to google search the article and find this page!!
> 
> Here
> 
> Have fun!!


Smart man. And congrats on the weight loss!


----------



## happyman64

whyeme said:


> So I have made my City's local paper looks like I have inspired a few people now , I have shortened the link because it has a lot of information in it don't want somebody to google search the article and find this page!!
> 
> Here
> 
> Have fun!!


Totally awesome buddy. Now you are motivating me!


----------



## whyeme

They got my weight wrong in the physical paper it is 9 stone but for some reason the heading here is 4 lol!! typical news papers lol!


----------



## farsidejunky

*Re: Re: Is there any point?*



whyeme said:


> So I have made my City's local paper looks like I have inspired a few people now , I have shortened the link because it has a lot of information in it don't want somebody to google search the article and find this page!!
> 
> Here
> 
> Have fun!!


That is awesome! It is like a billboard, telling all the single ladies you are a caring father, committed to your health, your location, and that you are AVAILABLE... Good for you, brother.


----------



## sandc

Dude, with the physique you're going to have, you'll have no problem finding dates. Just try not to get serious for a while. Enjoy life for now.


----------



## bfree

Wow, awesome article. I bet your daughter is mighty proud.


----------



## bandit.45

Great job on the weight loss mate! Keep it up.


----------



## bandit.45

Straighten that left wrist out. You hit somebody with a left like that you'll break it.


----------



## N211SP

I see there is a comment posted but not so sure the username is exactly what you are looking for 



whyeme said:


> So I have made my City's local paper looks like I have inspired a few people now , I have shortened the link because it has a lot of information in it don't want somebody to google search the article and find this page!!
> 
> Here
> 
> Have fun!!


----------



## Decorum

Much respect whyeme! 
Well done!


----------



## weightlifter

Funny how the article blames him for working too much rather than her screwing the ?male? meter maid.

What is the situation with Barney Fife now anyway? (POSOM in case the Yank idiom makes no sense)


----------



## bandit.45

weightlifter said:


> Funny how the article blames him for working too much rather than her screwing the ?male? meter maid.
> 
> )


Because that would offend the female readership. It is the job of British males to accept all responsibility for bad marriages.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whyeme

I actually didn't mention the affair, didn't blame work either just said my marriage broke down!! some things you want to keep private wouldn't be fair on my daughter, she is about to enter a new school and part of the reason I chose this school was to leave the baggage of what her mum did at the doorstep of the old school!!

Found a few interesting bits and pieces out about POSOM think he has realised my ex is a gold digger and will make him dry lol!! quite funny really lol


----------



## tom67

whyeme said:


> I actually didn't mention the affair, didn't blame work either just said my marriage broke down!! some things you want to keep private wouldn't be fair on my daughter, she is about to enter a new school and part of the reason I chose this school was to leave the baggage of what her mum did at the doorstep of the old school!!
> 
> Found a few interesting bits and pieces out about POSOM think he has realised my ex is a gold digger and will make him dry lol!! quite funny really lol


Sucks to be him.:slap::FIREdevil::FIREdevil:


----------



## GusPolinski

Status of divorce? Also, how is your daughter doing?


----------



## whyeme

Status of divorce! still married on the positive the Ex witch is going to do it soon so saves me the finance 

Daughter is doing really well, she just passed all her exams and has the maths and writing age of a 14 year old and the reading age of a 16 year old high school leaver!! she also got the most amazing report off her teachers you could ever imagine never seen something so compliementary!! so different than any other school report she has ever had 

Me personally am not doing great to be honest, my ex gf really messed me up royally think to be honest it is more the emotions I have been reliving because of the ex wife than her!! 2 1/2 months later and I still can't get her out of my head, she is on to her 3rd bloke in this time so no idea what is going on there miss hollier than though who used to hate blokes seems to be all over the place!!

I haven't spoken to her in a few weeks, she is in a mood with me for some reason no idea why as I did nothing wrong but I am hanging out with some old school friends including the original church girl, I think she thinks that since we split up I have gone running back to the original church girl but that is far from the truth we are just friends, its very plutonic and I feel nothing for her so go figure!!!

Women!! all I can say is I emotionally feel very very smashed up at the moment just trying to move on to pastures new


----------



## bandit.45

Find a new church. You should not be having any contact with the ex girlfriend at all. You see her every Sunday....that's why you cannot detach.


----------



## Decorum

Well she was a bit damaged from the "get-go" now she is finding validation, excitement, and pleasure by pole vaulting.

Chasing her needs like a randy High School/College girl.

Sound familiar?



whyeme said:


> D10 really wants nothing to do with WW she is so angry at her mum for what she has done and who she has become (she acts like a 15 year old not a 31 year old woman). WW keeps forcing herself on to her and constantly talking about OM and how great he is to her which annoys and upsets her!


Ex-GF was not LTR material, just another broken clone of your WW.

You're a worthy guy, learn to chat up women who deserves you, do it without any expectation of results and you'll find a better one.
(But remember there will always be some compromise in a relationship)


You may miss the sure thing and comfortable life you had with your WW before the affair.

That's gone, but stay open. People cannot help but to be who they are, you can sort it out. Keep choosing a better life for yourself and your daughter.
Take care!


----------



## weightlifter

drive by hello to Whyeme


----------



## bandit.45

And quit whining Whyme....

You are falling back into old habits, the main one being that you are allowing another person to dictate your happiness. There is absolutely no reason why you should continue having any contact whatsoever with the ex girlfriend. She's a bimbo, face it.

There is no reason whatsoever why you need to keep attending the same church as the exGF or being anywhere around her or her kids. I don't care if it might disrupt your life or your DD's life to leave that environment, but until you become more emotionally healthy and distanced from your STBXWW's affair, become stronger as an individual with individual goals and dreams and a sense of self, you don't need to be dating.

I know I changed my mind on this, but I sense that when it comes to love and relationships you are a bit naive and immature. I say this with the best of intentions, because I think you are a good man. But right now you are too emotionally weak to be good for any woman. You get sucked in too fast, attached too quickly and you don't know how to keep a relationship superficial and light. Until you do you need to just keep working out, keep getting fit, work on yourself, and be the best dad you can be..

Sh!t.....I sound like Turnera.


----------



## Decorum

bandit.45 said:


> Sh!t.....I sound like Turnera.


T is awesome but East meets West :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

I wounder if T
Rides horses
Is a scify treky
Is from Wisconsin
or England

What am I missing from your list Bandit? :rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## bandit.45

Decorum said:


> T is awesome but East meets West :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> I wounder if T
> Rides horses
> Is a scify treky
> Is from Wisconsin
> or England
> 
> What am I missing from your list Bandit? :rofl::rofl::rofl:


I chew Skoal when no one is looking.


----------



## Decorum

bandit.45 said:


> I chew Skoal when no one is looking.


 :smcowboy:


----------



## whyeme

lol cheers guys, by the way she moved church after we broke up!! she has come back once when she was on the rebound but that is it!! She hasn't come back since and I doubt she will now in fairness as she has "washed her hands of me" lol!!!

The problem is she is slightly in my social circle now although she is bouncing around there again now as well lol!! most of my social circle don't like her though only 1 girl does and her best friend hates her so fingers crossed that will die shortly as well!!

I haven't had contact with her for a few weeks now


----------



## manticore

whyeme said:


> 2 1/2 months later and I still can't get her out of my head, she is on to her 3rd bloke in this time so no idea what is going on there miss hollier than though who used to hate blokes seems to be all over the place!!


dude you dodged the bullet, you don't see it now, but thank God she realized that she was not ready to settle and left you instead of commiting in rebound and give you a whole new DD1


----------



## carmen ohio

whyeme, did you ever resolve the paternity issue?


----------



## tom67

carmen ohio said:


> whyeme, did you ever resolve the paternity issue?


Good question I hope so.


----------



## whyeme

lol what paternity issue its definetly not mine you can tell, he is bl*ody ugly to start with just like his dad!!!

Anyway to add to the fun... I got in tonight and the ex dropped off D11, and said oh by the way I have told D11 already but I am 12 weeks pregnant!!! obviously not contempt with the amount of damage she has already done to D11 she wants to give it a second shot!!!


----------



## happyman64

whyeme said:


> lol what paternity issue its definetly not mine you can tell, he is bl*ody ugly to start with just like his dad!!!
> 
> Anyway to add to the fun... I got in tonight and the ex dropped off D11, and said oh by the way I have told D11 already but I am 12 weeks pregnant!!! obviously not contempt with the amount of damage she has already done to D11 she wants to give it a second shot!!!


She is on her 2nd kid with the OM and you guys are still married???

That should be against the law.

That should be grounds for immediate divorce.

And I thought the USA was screwed up by our legal system.......


----------



## farsidejunky

whyeme said:


> lol what paternity issue its definetly not mine you can tell, he is bl*ody ugly to start with just like his dad!!!
> 
> Anyway to add to the fun... I got in tonight and the ex dropped off D11, and said oh by the way I have told D11 already but I am 12 weeks pregnant!!! obviously not contempt with the amount of damage she has already done to D11 she wants to give it a second shot!!!


Wow. Just wow...


----------



## weightlifter

whyeme said:


> lol what paternity issue its definetly not mine you can tell, he is bl*ody ugly to start with just like his dad!!!
> 
> Anyway to add to the fun... I got in tonight and the ex dropped off D11, and said oh by the way I have told D11 already but I am 12 weeks pregnant!!! obviously not contempt with the amount of damage she has already done to D11 she wants to give it a second shot!!!


Someone post a nuclear powered face palm.


----------



## MattMatt

weightlifter said:


> Someone post a nuclear powered face palm.


Here you go!


----------



## bandit.45

Is it too expensive for you to hire an attorney Whyme? Or,are you just holding out due to spite? I just don't understand. The longer you let this go the more chance she has to stick you with child support for her bastards. I don't think you are being very smart here.


----------



## Philat

whyeme said:


> Anyway to add to the fun... I got in tonight and the ex dropped off D11, and said oh by the way I have told D11 already but I am 12 weeks pregnant!!! obviously not contempt with the amount of damage she has already done to D11 she wants to give it a second shot!!!


Anecdotes like this have convinced me (I did not believe this at one time) that there is indeed such a thing as human garbage.


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## Decorum

I have lost track, how old is Om's spawn? Is she breastfeeding?
She must be a fertile girl.

UFB.


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## whyeme

OM first spawn was born end of february, it doesn't work like that in the UK he has OM's surname and he is listed as the childs father on the birth certificate so there is no question of me ever being stuck with child support, that is between OM and the government if they ever split.

I do not have the money to divorce her and to be honest it is a meaningless piece of paper to me anyway, not like it does anything she has said she is filing in May which is the 2 year point where she can. I did advice her technically she can do it now because I have had an affair but she wouldn't :-( anyway thought it would be nice for OM to pay for the divorce, might as well saves me the cash lol!!! would rather spend my free money on me and D11 than on that pair of human garbage!!


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## Decorum

You are probably answering several posters questions, but just to be clear all I was curious about was if she was breastfeeding because that tends to make a woman less fertile. They will still drop an egg at some point but they will not know until the next period.

Yay should not have gone there.:bunny:

Did not Om threaten to leave her if the original baby was his? Now another? , 
Sad, Sick, Stupid!


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## whyeme

No just remembered she couldn't breast feed him as when he was born he had something wrong with his tongue that they had to correct a few weeks after he was born!!

To be honest the idea makes me feel a bit ill,what is really really funny is I am pretty thin now 14 1/2 stone 18% body fat at 6ft 1 so not too shabby and she is huuuuuugeeeee probably getting close to my weight lol makes me smile when I see at least!!


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## bandit.45

So she's turning into a baby making blimp? Aren't you glad you bailed?


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## whyeme

I prefer the term selfish self centred wh*re but yeah that will do as well lol!! looks gross to be honest


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## Ripper

whyeme said:


> it would be nice for OM to pay for the divorce,


I like this line of thinking. Just make absolutely sure you can't be stuck paying for his thuglets. Family courts are completely illogical these days.


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## whyeme

Wow was out with my friend tonight and boy my ex gf was a special type of crazy I wonder now if she is bi polar or something like that as she flips and is a bit paranoid!!! she has fallen out with my friend (original church girl) good and proper, doesn't want to have anything to do with any of us as we are apparently back stabbers!! not sure where that comes from but anyway, my friend really stuck up for me with her and had a go at her for basically being a hoe!! 

Good thing is it completely made me realise what a nut job she was and gave me exactly what I needed to move on as I am mega happy today  onwards and upwards time to meet the next crazy woman lol!! just kidding will aim for more normal this time lol


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## whyeme

Hey guys,

Been a few months since I last checked in here!!! thought I would give you an update! first of all my divorce is all under way papers signed just waiting for decree nisi to come through now but its all well under way. Even got stbxw to pay half towards it just so i can get rid.

On some better news I have been dating a wonderful new girl for about 8 weeks, she is very very very different than any other girl I have ever dated very sane, a true Christian has extremely high morals and things between us are going amazingly well. My red flag detector is still very high but so far we are enjoying life together.

Strange set of coincidences, she sat next to me back in August at my daughters school Eucharist although we didn't talk, our daughters are best friends and I got chatting to her in the school car park back early in september and well we got on amazingly.

I just spent 3 days at the UK's biggest theme park with her and her daughter and D12 (scary she just turned 12), D12 gets on with her amazingly and my new GF loves and respects her so much it is beautiful to see.

It is strange going out with somebody who is not broken, things are moving nicely and at present I couldn't be happier. In september I got a new job, much better pay, work from home better hours as well and to top it off a nice new car 

stbxw appears to be quite miserable so what goes around truly comes around!! just can't wait for the decree absoloute to come through in a couple of months time so I can finally put her and her mess behind me once and for all!


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## tom67

Good for you WM.:smthumbup:


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## bandit.45

That's awesome news Whyme! I'm relieved to hear you are finally divorcing that slag. All the good things that have happened to you are a result of your positive attitude and unwillingness to lay down and give up. That good attitude will serve you well the rest of your life. 

Some questions: 

1) How is D12 getting along with her mom? Is there any respect there? 
2). How much weight has the crazy ex gained? 😊
3). How is your health? Are you still working out and maintaining your weight loss?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

Sounds cool.

IS Barney Fife still a rent a cop? (Translated from US idiom. Is the OM still a meter maid?)


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## bandit.45

Oh, and if you would Whyme, there is a fellow Englishman named Roller on TAM who desperately needs your help. His wife is an unapologetic wh0re also...in fact she might be related to your ex. 

Can you read his thread here on CWI and maybe PM him with some good advice? He may be more apt to listening to one of his own countrymen. He sure isn't listening to us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan

whyeme said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> Been a few months since I last checked in here!!! thought I would give you an update! first of all my divorce is all under way papers signed just waiting for decree nisi to come through now but its all well under way. Even got stbxw to pay half towards it just so i can get rid.
> 
> On some better news I have been dating a wonderful new girl for about 8 weeks, she is very very very different than any other girl I have ever dated very sane, a true Christian has extremely high morals and things between us are going amazingly well. My red flag detector is still very high but so far we are enjoying life together.
> 
> Strange set of coincidences, she sat next to me back in August at my daughters school Eucharist although we didn't talk, our daughters are best friends and I got chatting to her in the school car park back early in september and well we got on amazingly.
> 
> I just spent 3 days at the UK's biggest theme park with her and her daughter and D12 (scary she just turned 12), D12 gets on with her amazingly and my new GF loves and respects her so much it is beautiful to see.
> 
> It is strange going out with somebody who is not broken, things are moving nicely and at present I couldn't be happier. In september I got a new job, much better pay, work from home better hours as well and to top it off a nice new car
> 
> stbxw appears to be quite miserable so what goes around truly comes around!! just can't wait for the decree absoloute to come through in a couple of months time so I can finally put her and her mess behind me once and for all!


I'm happy for you sir. There is life after such a mess. Good luck!


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## whyeme

Cheers guys, sorry not been about for a while life has been a bit manic!! All is still going great 

I will have a look at whats going on with Roller on CWI see if you have managed to help him since you posted.


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## whyeme

Hi guys,

Hope everybody is doing well it has been a LONG time since I posted!! yesterday was the big day stbxw became ex wife  good riddance to bad rubbish.

And from what I heard her quick sand relationship is starting to show more cracks than a sheet of ice the fat kid fell on!! but who cares karma is a biatch as the say.

Life is great, still with my Girlfriend its amazing when your with somebody who pushes you up instead of tearing you down she respects me as a man and its so different to what I am used to. Life is good D12 seems to be happy although hormones are kicking in which is fun sometimes!!! My new job is amazing and is allowing me to reduce the debt the xw saddled me with very very quickly which is great.

Hope life is going well for you all and thanks again for all the help you provided during my hour of need.


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## weightlifter

Whyeme! 

Did that azzhole ever become a real cop or is he still a meter maid.

Gf=gf 2 church girl?


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## azteca1986

I'm a sucker for happy endings. Happy freedom mate!


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## Decorum

weightlifter said:


> Whyeme!
> 
> Did that azzhole ever become a real cop or is he still a meter maid.


Great news Whyeme! I am so glad for you.

Please answer WL's question he has been asking it for months now :rofl:


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## whyeme

Thanks guys!

To ansewer your question wl, no he is a "real cop" now but he is a true a** hole, the ex wife was telling my current girlfriend (church girl 2) outside school the other day about the birth of the 2nd spawn.

POSOM refused to call an ambulance when she was in labour because he didn't want to waste their time as he thought it wasn't real. He helped deliver the baby on the bathroom floor in the end with the paramedics on the other end of the phone, whilst spawn 2 was being born spawn 1 started crying in his bed. Here is the kicker though spawn 2 is born but is blue and looks dead he says to the ex wife that she is dead, walks off and goes to deal with spawn 1!!! leaving the ex wife on the bathroom floor apparently naked and with what she thinks is a dead baby.

Now luckily spawn 2 came to life started crying etc... and was fine once the paramedics arrived but what an a**hole not exactly a true man is he!!! I couldn't imagive just doing that to somebody disgusting behaviour.

It is funny how my ex wife loves the drama and being a victim hence why she tells whoever will listen about it!!!

So thankful I live a now peaceful live, drama and Bs free life  she will probably end up on the Jeremy Kyle show (UK equivalent of Jeremy Springer like show for you US friends) if she carries on this way.


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## tom67

whyeme said:


> Thanks guys!
> 
> To ansewer your question wl, no he is a "real cop" now but he is a true a** hole, the ex wife was telling my current girlfriend (church girl 2) outside school the other day about the birth of the 2nd spawn.
> 
> POSOM refused to call an ambulance when she was in labour because he didn't want to waste their time as he thought it wasn't real. He helped deliver the baby on the bathroom floor in the end with the paramedics on the other end of the phone, whilst spawn 2 was being born spawn 1 started crying in his bed. Here is the kicker though spawn 2 is born but is blue and looks dead he says to the ex wife that she is dead, walks off and goes to deal with spawn 1!!! leaving the ex wife on the bathroom floor apparently naked and with what she thinks is a dead baby.
> 
> Now luckily spawn 2 came to life started crying etc... and was fine once the paramedics arrived but what an a**hole not exactly a true man is he!!! I couldn't imagive just doing that to somebody disgusting behaviour.
> 
> It is funny how my ex wife loves the drama and being a victim hence why she tells whoever will listen about it!!!
> 
> So thankful I live a now peaceful live, drama and Bs free life  she will probably end up on the Jeremy Kyle show (UK equivalent of Jeremy Springer like show for you US friends) if she carries on this way.



WM pass it on:smthumbup:
Here is a funny bit from down under...
http://www.9jumpin.com.au/show/today/videos/4093910263001/:D;)


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## bandit.45

Ugh. Disgusting woman. It's comforting to know that the U.S. does not have the corner on white trash.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

whyeme said:


> POSOM refused to call an ambulance when she was in labour because he didn't want to waste their time as he thought it wasn't real. He helped deliver the baby on the bathroom floor in the end with the paramedics on the other end of the phone, whilst spawn 2 was being born spawn 1 started crying in his bed. Here is the kicker though spawn 2 is born but is blue and looks dead he says to the ex wife that she is dead, walks off and goes to deal with spawn 1!!! leaving the ex wife on the bathroom floor apparently naked and with what she thinks is a dead baby.


You gotta feel bad for this baby. Five seconds out of the womb and his/her Father leaves him/her for dead.

If I were you, I'd keep the phone number for that Jeremy Kyle show handy. Hey, with any luck, you might get a finders fee out of it.


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## jim123

whyeme said:


> Thanks guys!
> 
> To ansewer your question wl, no he is a "real cop" now but he is a true a** hole, the ex wife was telling my current girlfriend (church girl 2) outside school the other day about the birth of the 2nd spawn.
> 
> POSOM refused to call an ambulance when she was in labour because he didn't want to waste their time as he thought it wasn't real. He helped deliver the baby on the bathroom floor in the end with the paramedics on the other end of the phone, whilst spawn 2 was being born spawn 1 started crying in his bed. Here is the kicker though spawn 2 is born but is blue and looks dead he says to the ex wife that she is dead, walks off and goes to deal with spawn 1!!! leaving the ex wife on the bathroom floor apparently naked and with what she thinks is a dead baby.
> 
> Now luckily spawn 2 came to life started crying etc... and was fine once the paramedics arrived but what an a**hole not exactly a true man is he!!! I couldn't imagive just doing that to somebody disgusting behaviour.
> 
> It is funny how my ex wife loves the drama and being a victim hence why she tells whoever will listen about it!!!
> 
> So thankful I live a now peaceful live, drama and Bs free life  she will probably end up on the Jeremy Kyle show (UK equivalent of Jeremy Springer like show for you US friends) if she carries on this way.


What a change from the man who first posted here. Kudo's to you and I know your future will be bright. Learn from the past and do not live in it.

Everything in your life is better and now you have the life you deserve. Good guys do win in the end if they stand up for themselves.


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## bandit.45

Whyme, are messed-up women like your exWW and exGF the norm where youi live?


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## weightlifter

One of the big turnarounds.

Congrats dude.


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## Decorum

Well now I have to ask, if it took that much prodding for you to tell us a story like that, what are you not telling us?...Just kidding 

They sound like quite pair, unbelievable. 

Keep kicking A$$ whyeme, you rock!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whyeme

Decorum,

Well I only got that information on Friday so I didn't wait too long to tell you all!! And there is one more thing but it only happened yesterday afternoon, I proposed to my Girlfriend of 7 months and she accepted!! Now she is a big fan of a TV program so I took her to its tour and on her favourite set did the deed there. Have a look at this picture and see if you can recognise the TV show it is fairly famous globally!! http://goo.gl/F3lwNW arranged it all with the staff on site who were amazing and shocked her big time!!

And I do have a piece of advise, now it is a Christian book but it is only using biblical wisdom so you don't have to be Christian to read it, my GF told me I had to read it about a week or so after we met. Its called Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. It is an amazing book about restoring your masculinaty and it and its field manual together showed me so much more about myself and how to be a strong Godly man and how to treat a woman correctly. It is not whimpy at all its about putting the fire back in your heart and restoring you to what a true man should be.

Put it one way there was no way on earth I could have proposed to a woman in such a public place, its given me confidence made me discover where things were wrong in myself.

So just another one to add to the TAM bookshelf if it isn't there already.

Bandit, I am not sure if they are normal it took a near miss for me to pull my act together once and for all sort myself out and look at just what I was doing wrong and to sort myself out first!! I know women like the one I have appear to be very rare that is for sure.


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## bandit.45

The Tardis! :smthumbup:


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## Borntohang

I've been silently watching the sordid details of your wife unfold from the beginning. I wasn't completely sure how you were going to turn out (I had complete faith in your daughter! Lol!) But I have to say "I'm TRULY HAPPY for you! Congratulations!


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## bandit.45

Whyme, whatever happens, please, please try to dissuade your fiancee from becoming BFFs with your nasty exWW. Those kind of things happen you know. The fact that they stop to chat with one another after school is creepy. I can see her being polite and cordial with the ex as she will be your daughter's step-mum, but it cannot go father. Don't ever let your ex think she is off the hook for the horrid things she has done. Don't let your fiancee let her think she is too welcome in your lives. 

Narcissists like your ex love to play these kind of fake friendship games.


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## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> Whyme, whatever happens, please, please try to dissuade your fiancee from becoming BFFs with your nasty exWW. Those kind of things happen you know. The fact that they stop to chat with one another after school is creepy. I can see her being polite and cordial with the ex as she will be your daughter's step-mum, but it cannot go father. Don't ever let your ex think she is off the hook for the horrid things she has done. Don't let your fiancee let her think she is too welcome in your lives.
> 
> Narcissists like your ex love to play these kind of fake friendship games.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:
:nono::nono:


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## Decorum

whyeme said:


> Decorum,
> 
> Well I only got that information on Friday so I didn't wait too long to tell you all!! And there is one more thing but it only happened yesterday afternoon, I proposed to my Girlfriend of 7 months and she accepted!! Now she is a big fan of a TV program so I took her to its tour and on her favourite set did the deed there. Have a look at this picture and see if you can recognise the TV show it is fairly famous globally!! http://goo.gl/F3lwNW arranged it all with the staff on site who were amazing and shocked her big time!!
> 
> And I do have a piece of advise, now it is a Christian book but it is only using biblical wisdom so you don't have to be Christian to read it, my GF told me I had to read it about a week or so after we met. Its called Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. It is an amazing book about restoring your masculinaty and it and its field manual together showed me so much more about myself and how to be a strong Godly man and how to treat a woman correctly. It is not whimpy at all its about putting the fire back in your heart and restoring you to what a true man should be.
> 
> Put it one way there was no way on earth I could have proposed to a woman in such a public place, its given me confidence made me discover where things were wrong in myself.
> 
> So just another one to add to the TAM bookshelf if it isn't there already.
> 
> Bandit, I am not sure if they are normal it took a near miss for me to pull my act together once and for all sort myself out and look at just what I was doing wrong and to sort myself out first!! I know women like the one I have appear to be very rare that is for sure.


Well congratulations!!! That is awesome!



whyeme said:


> see if you can recognise the TV show it is fairly famous globally!!


Oh yeah my favorite show, love that "wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff"

whyeme, I appreciate the book reference, I will check it out, I'm a person of faith myself.

Now your post raises an important topic, perhaps a new item on the bucket list for the future, as it were.



whyeme said:


> I took her to its tour and on her favourite set did the deed there.


I know you meant "propose", but just thinking, there is a "mile high" club, is there a "time vortex" club? :scratchhead:

:smcowboy: Take care!


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## whyeme

Oh don't worry fiance and ex wife will never be friends, she was only being polite because she was waiting for her daughter. Behind closed doors she has zero respect for her and absoloutely no tolerance for her and is disgusted by what she has done. It winds her up everytime D12 goes to the exw becuase exw feeds her full of garbage and it is me and her who have to sort it out every week!!! exw is a very very broken woman sociapath with a lot of generational garbage thrown on top from a psycho mum, the moment D12 is old enough so that we never have to see her the better!! I have never had to see POSOM thankfully he is too scared to see me  makes me smile that does lol!!

They will never become bffs lol, think there is more chance of hell freezing over from that side of things they are polar opposite of each other!!

Time vortex club lol, think it is a bit too public a place for anything like that to go on there!!


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## code7600

Remember Melody Pond was (probably) conceived on the Tardis.
I got to Cardiff only to discover the exhibition was down last fall.
Shame on me, making an error in time...


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## weightlifter

congrats whyeme. rather different from the man we had August 2013.

wouldntya say?


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## MattMatt

Decorum said:


> Well congratulations!!! That is awesome!
> 
> 
> 
> Oh yeah my favorite show, love that "wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff"
> 
> whyeme, I appreciate the book reference, I will check it out, I'm a person of faith myself.
> 
> Now your post raises an important topic, perhaps a new item on the bucket list for the future, as it were.
> 
> 
> 
> I know you meant "propose", but just thinking, there is a "mile high" club, is there a "time vortex" club? :scratchhead:
> 
> :smcowboy: Take care!


Wow! Impressive! You proposed on the Jeremy Kyle Show? Whoo-hoo!:

Jokes to one side, kudos to you, Time Lord!:allhail:


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## happyman64

Whyeme

Congratulations

The picture is beautiful and your new family unit looks happy.

Go have a great life. You deserve it.

HM


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## whyeme

Good morning all,

I thought I would report in 1 last time as "Whyeme", just wanted to say a big thanks to you guys for all your support. I will still be hanging around the forums but I will be under a new name just so that I am not associated to this profile as I really don't want my new Wife to see the sorry mess I was in, I have told her everything but really there are embarrassing posts in here where I was at my lowest but I want people to see how low you can go and still bounce back a winner so nothing will be deleted.

Anyway on to the good news... I just returned from my Honeymoon with the new Wife! Amazing 2 weeks and an absolutely beautiful Wedding. God has been amazingly good to us both and I cannot tell you how life is so different with a Woman who genuinely loves and respects you and where things are the right way around i.e. mutual respect and not being trodden on. I can tell you I learnt so much from my 1st marriage and this life hiccup its untrue and I am so thankful that it has put things straight and everything is now looking good.

So here is a picture from our day View image: Family Portrait, my Wife looking absolutely stunning the infamous D12 is on my side and my new step daughter is on the other with her Mum.

Again thanks for your help, I will see you around the forums under a new name so I can help give back the help you all gave me to get my from the darkest hour in to such an amazing place.

As was said to me plenty of times to anybody going through this... "Move on. Let Go and rebuild. You can, and you will."


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## bfree

Whyme, I'm so happy for you.

Live as if each day is your last.

Love like your life depends on it.

And never ever stop learning.


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## GusPolinski

Make sure that you speak with one of the mods prior to creating another account, as having more than one is a violation of the ToS and, as such, will wind up getting both of them banned.

ETA: Congrats, BTW.


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## workindad

OP- I'm very happy for you and your new bride. Congratulations- awesome photo and a very uplifting update.

Thanks for sharing.

I wish you and your new family all the happiness that life has to offer.

Best
WD


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## weightlifter

August 2013 to August 2015.
The circle completes.
Congrats Whyeme.

Echoing.... MAKE SURE YOU CLEAR WITH THE MODS your new account. You are a great asset, but not as a banned one.

BTW. New wife IS better looking.
Imagine that.
Could ya PM me your new name when ya make it? You know I wont publicize it.


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## manfromlamancha

Congratulations mate and very well done! Beautiful family pic! And as I said at the very start of your post, I will continue to keep an eye on the ar$eh0le pseudocop!


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## Decorum

Wonderful! Your bride has a lovely honest smile, my best to you both.


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## aine

What a beautiful family, congratulations and may you live a long, happy and healthy life filled with love and laughter!


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## jim123

Congrats 

You are an inspiration.


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## bandit.45

I am not going to cry.....


I am not going to cry....


Gus.....hold me.........


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## TAMAT

Whyme,

Congratulations on burying your ex-Ws manure in the field and planting crops on it.

Read a few of your first posts, what a horror story, worse than any movies yet filmed.

Tamat


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