# Quora Question



## Ynot

I subscribe to Quora. For those who aren't familiar with it, basically is a just a website one can go to, to ask or answer questions about various topics. So earlier this week, someone asked "What would happen if women went on strike and refused to have sex for a week?"
There were way over 100 answers. But the funny thing was the number of answers that said something along the lines of "for married people, not much would change and most wouldn't even notice"
So for all you divorced TAMers out there, take heart, even if you were still married, you probably wouldn't be getting any anyways.

PS as an aside, I don't think that could ever happen. The question is prefaced on the assumption that women just have sex to control men. The reality is that there are a LOT of women out there who just enjoy sex too much to go without for even seven days. It is another one of those things I have discovered post divorce.


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## jld

That so many people under retirement age are in sexless marriages is still one of the most shocking things I have read here on TAM.


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## Andy1001

Ynot said:


> I subscribe to Quora. For those who aren't familiar with it, basically is a just a website one can go to, to ask or answer questions about various topics. So earlier this week, someone asked "What would happen if women went on strike and refused to have sex for a week?"
> There were way over 100 answers. But the funny thing was the number of answers that said something along the lines of "for married people, not much would change and most wouldn't even notice"
> So for all you divorced TAMers out there, take heart, even if you were still married, you probably wouldn't be getting any anyways.
> 
> PS as an aside, I don't think that could ever happen. The question is prefaced on the assumption that women just have sex to control men. The reality is that there are a LOT of women out there who just enjoy sex too much to go without for even seven days. It is another one of those things I have discovered post divorce.


From reading posts on tam for months I firmly believe there is something in wedding cake that lower the libido of women.It's putting me right off the idea of marriage.


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## Satya

Headlines read: "Millions of men keep ISPs in business as women reach day 7 of sex strike."

Interview with man-in-the-street: "It's not like I haven't been in this situation before. I've been married for over 17 years, so I know the deal. One call to Verizon and I have enough bandwidth to last me a month, easily. Bring it on, ladies."

In other words, I think that the world would be OK.


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## jld

I remember reading once about a town in the ancient world where the women prevented a battle (and any subsequent deaths and injuries) by telling the men that they would not have sex with them if they participated in the battle.


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## FeministInPink

jld said:


> I remember reading once about a town in the ancient world where the women prevented a battle (and any subsequent deaths and injuries) by telling the men that they would not have sex with them if they participated in the battle.


You're thinking of Lysistrata, an ancient comedy written by Aristophanes. It's fantastic, I read it in college.


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## jld

FeministInPink said:


> You're thinking of Lysistrata, an ancient comedy written by Aristophanes. It's fantastic, I read it in college.


Oh, no. I thought it was true. I found the thought of it encouraging.


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## FeministInPink

jld said:


> Oh, no. I thought it was true. I found the thought of it encouraging.


It might not be a non-fiction account, but it was accurate enough in its representation of the time period that I read it for a history class, not a literature class. And it is encouraging--and had inspired a number of other works in fiction and theater.

And who knows, it was fiction, but it could have been based on real events. Even Herodotus couldn't have captured EVERYTHING that happened in the ancient world...


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## MJJEAN

[If you Google it, there was a sex strike in Columbia that worked. The women wanted the road fixed.




Andy1001 said:


> From reading posts on tam for months I firmly believe there is something in wedding cake that lower the libido of women.It's putting me right off the idea of marriage.


That is why I did not "have a wedding" and "got married" instead. No muss, no fuss, no stress. Just me, DH, the Justice of the Peace, and the two witnesses. Not a wedding cake in sight. 17 years later we're still doing the dirty at least a few times a week. If DH went on a 2 day sex strike, I'd notice and action would be taken!!


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## jld

MJJEAN said:


> [If you Google it, there was a sex strike in Columbia that worked. The women wanted the road fixed.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That is why I did not "have a wedding" and "got married" instead. No muss, no fuss, no stress. Just me, DH, the Justice of the Peace, and the two witnesses. Not a wedding cake in sight. 17 years later we're still doing the dirty at least a few times a week. If DH went on a 2 day sex strike, I'd notice and action would be taken!!


I think your sex drive would have been impervious to such wedding cake.


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## Andy1001

jld said:


> Oh, no. I thought it was true. I found the thought of it encouraging.


Under the Geneva convention collective punishments are a war crime.No person may be punished for a crime he or she hasn't committed.
So there!


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## jld

😄


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## Andy1001

MJJEAN said:


> [If you Google it, there was a sex strike in Columbia that worked. The women wanted the road fixed.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That is why I did not "have a wedding" and "got married" instead. No muss, no fuss, no stress. Just me, DH, the Justice of the Peace, and the two witnesses. Not a wedding cake in sight. 17 years later we're still doing the dirty at least a few times a week. If DH went on a 2 day sex strike, I'd notice and action would be taken!!


It's just occurred to me that my wedding cake never arrived but I paid for it.
Lawyers!


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## Andy1001

Andy1001 said:


> It's just occurred to me that my wedding cake never arrived but I paid for it.
> Lawyers!


On second thoughts they can keep it.


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## Ynot

I have always said the answer to teen age pregnancy is simple - just make them marry each other and teen age sex would go disappear.
OTOH, I am happy if some of you are in active marriages, I was just commenting on the fact, that response after response on Quora referred to the fact that married couples would have been unaffected. Unfortunately my experience was one where the sex dried up. I counted weeks without sex at times. If I brought it up I was depicted as some sort of sex maniac for even keeping track. I was made to feel as though something was wrong with me. God I wish I could get back all those sexless weeks of my life. Alas all I can do is try to make up for lost time now!


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## FeministInPink

Ynot said:


> I have always said the answer to teen age pregnancy is simple - just make them marry each other and teen age sex would go disappear.
> OTOH, I am happy if some of you are in active marriages, I was just commenting on the fact, that response after response on Quora referred to the fact that married couples would have been unaffected. *Unfortunately my experience was one where the sex dried up. I counted weeks without sex at times. If I brought it up I was depicted as some sort of sex maniac for even keeping track. I was made to feel as though something was wrong with me. God I wish I could get back all those sexless weeks of my life. Alas all I can do is try to make up for lost time now!*


Me, too. I could have withheld sex, byt my XH wouldn't have noticed, as he had no interest in ****ing me anyway :/

SO SO SO HAPPY to be out of this marriage... Now I'm with a man who is horny all the time. Except when he isn't, and is overly stressed or tired about something, which doesn't happen often... and when it does, he is very sensitive and makes it clear that it's not about me, and he is very affectionate in other ways during these times. And he never lets me go too long... even if he's not in the mood, and I'm feeling frisky, he makes sure I'm taken care of.


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## Andy1001

Ynot said:


> I have always said the answer to teen age pregnancy is simple - just make them marry each other and teen age sex would go disappear.
> OTOH, I am happy if some of you are in active marriages, I was just commenting on the fact, that response after response on Quora referred to the fact that married couples would have been unaffected. Unfortunately my experience was one where the sex dried up. I counted weeks without sex at times. If I brought it up I was depicted as some sort of sex maniac for even keeping track. I was made to feel as though something was wrong with me. God I wish I could get back all those sexless weeks of my life. Alas all I can do is try to make up for lost time now!


Have fun😈😈😈


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## NoChoice

I am under the impression that a strike of any kind is to cause hardship such that it brings to light a situation so some action could be taken to better it. A one week sex strike would be akin to shutting down Disneyworld for an hour. Those that vacation regularly and the young might be somewhat affected but to the rest of us it would have little to no effect unless we had vacation scheduled for that day in which case we simply busy ourselves for that hour. A small inconvenience in the grand scheme of things, certainly nothing to become overly distraught about. One learns to adapt.


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## john117

jld said:


> I remember reading once about a town in the ancient world where the women prevented a battle (and any subsequent deaths and injuries) by telling the men that they would not have sex with them if they participated in the battle.


That's where my wife comes from


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## jld

FeministInPink said:


> Me, too. I could have withheld sex, byt my XH wouldn't have noticed, as *he had no interest in ****ing me *anyway :/
> 
> SO SO SO HAPPY to be out of this marriage... Now I'm with a man who is horny all the time. Except when he isn't, and is overly stressed or tired about something, which doesn't happen often... and when it does, he is very sensitive and makes it clear that it's not about me, and he is very affectionate in other ways during these times. And he never lets me go too long... even if he's not in the mood, and I'm feeling frisky, he makes sure I'm taken care of.


That has to have been the second biggest surprise to me reading here, that there are men in this world who do not seemingly live and breathe for sex. That there exist LD men has been a novelty to hear about.

Glad to hear you are with a more compatible partner now, FIP.


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## Andy1001

jld said:


> That has to have been the second biggest surprise to me reading here, that there are men in this world who do not seemingly live and breathe for sex. That there exist LD men has been a novelty to hear about.
> 
> Glad to hear you are with a more compatible partner now, FIP.


What was the biggest surprise?
I had never heard the terms HD/LD until I started reading on tam.Like you,I can't understand how a man doesn't want sex with a willing partner whenever he can get it.Mind You I don't see the attraction of porn either.Why would someone prefer to watch some losers on a computer screen when they have a willing partner waiting in bed.


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## jld

Andy1001 said:


> *What was the biggest surprise?*
> I had never heard the terms HD/LD until I started reading on tam.Like you,I can't understand how a man doesn't want sex with a willing partner whenever he can get it.Mind You I don't see the attraction of porn either.Why would someone prefer to watch some losers on a computer screen when they have a willing partner waiting in bed.


That there are people younger than retirement age who have sexless marriages.


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## Andy1001

jld said:


> That there are people younger than retirement age who have sexless marriages.


That's not what I would call a marriage but there seems to be a lot of it about.I think people accept things and hope they change instead of doing something about it at the first sign of trouble.But then again what do I know I've never been in their shoes.I always brought J to the doctors when she was pregnant and one thing I noticed was posters on the waiting room wall advising men about low testosterone count.It doesn't seem to be a huge problem to sort out so why don't these LD men do it.
Then again I could be wrong,wouldn't be the first time.


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## 269370

john117 said:


> That's where my wife comes from


Count yourself lucky that you haven't killed/injured anyone, is the take away message?


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## 269370

Andy1001 said:


> That's not what I would call a marriage but there seems to be a lot of it about.I think people accept things and hope they change instead of doing something about it at the first sign of trouble.But then again what do I know I've never been in their shoes.I always brought J to the doctors when she was pregnant and one thing I noticed was posters on the waiting room wall advising men about low testosterone count.It doesn't seem to be a huge problem to sort out so why don't these LD men do it.
> Then again I could be wrong,wouldn't be the first time.


'Cos high testosterone count gives you baldness? :scratchhead:


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## Andy1001

inmyprime said:


> 'Cos high testosterone count gives you baldness? :scratchhead:


Well if I couldn't get it up I'd be pulling my hair out anyway.


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## 269370

Andy1001 said:


> What was the biggest surprise?
> I had never heard the terms HD/LD until I started reading on tam.Like you,I can't understand how a man doesn't want sex with a willing partner whenever he can get it.Mind You I don't see the attraction of porn either.Why would someone prefer to watch some losers on a computer screen when they have a willing partner waiting in bed.


One thing I never ever see get mentioned on TAM as an explanation for 'LD-ness' is the fat that a partner may just not be that attracted to the other partner...Sometimes it's the simplest explanations that make the most sense. But it's also probably one of the most painful ones.


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## Andy1001

inmyprime said:


> One thing I never ever see get mentioned on TAM as an explanation for 'LD-ness' is the fat that a partner may just not be that attracted to the other partner...Sometimes it's the simplest explanations that make the most sense. But it's also probably one of the most painful ones.


I can understand not being attracted to your partner is an issue but unless there have been some major physical changes I don't get why a man who wants sex will not have it with a willing partner. I have had sex with women I wasn't particularly attracted to,but in my opinion any sex is better than sleeping alone.Not every woman is beautiful to every man but every woman is beautiful to some man.


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## DustyDog

jld said:


> That so many people under retirement age are in sexless marriages is still one of the most shocking things I have read here on TAM.


I would have never believed it either, but then I began a relationship with a woman who thought she had outgrown Catholicism - but hasn't really.


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## Lila

inmyprime said:


> One thing I never ever see get mentioned on TAM as an explanation for 'LD-ness' is the fat that a partner may just not be that attracted to the other partner...Sometimes it's the simplest explanations that make the most sense. But it's also probably one of the most painful ones.


Are you kidding? Someone always pops in with 'are you overweight? ' or ' do you take care of yourself? '. 

I know when I posted my thread about my husband's performance anxiety/ED, people asked if it was possible he was not attracted to me. It did hurt to read that but it was the impetus I needed to learn that one man's trash is another man's treasure so, in a round about way, it helped me. 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## jld

Andy1001 said:


> Well if I couldn't get it up I'd be pulling my hair out anyway.


:lol:

The answer is a vegan diet, Andy. 

A Vegan Diet Can Help With Impotence | PETA

_Originally, it was thought that impotence was caused by anxiety, but according to the Erectile Dysfunction Institute, up to 90 percent of all cases of impotence are physical as opposed to psychological. That’s right: High cholesterol, obesity, diabetes, prostate cancer or inflammations, and hormonal imbalances cause the vast majority of all cases of impotence.

The good news is that medical science suggests that all of these conditions can be managed or in some cases even prevented with a low-fat vegan diet._


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## 269370

Andy1001 said:


> I can understand not being attracted to your partner is an issue but unless there have been some major physical changes I don't get why a man who wants sex will not have it with a willing partner. I have had sex with women I wasn't particularly attracted to,but in my opinion any sex is better than sleeping alone.Not every woman is beautiful to every man but every woman is beautiful to some man.


Yes, for ONSs it probably applies (though I wouldn't know, I have only ever slept with one person properly (wife). Another time: I couldn't do it properly as I wasn't very attracted/bonded to her.
But in a long term relationship, the lack of attraction factor will eventually come to surface one way or another. I have had girlfriends I wasn't very attracted to and remember at first being sexually curious with them but eventually a bit annoyed every time this was coming up and just didn't feel like doing anything sexual with them much...I am generally an 'HD' person (according to TAM standards anyway).


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## jld

Andy1001 said:


> That's not what I would call a marriage but there seems to be a lot of it about.I think people accept things and hope they change instead of doing something about it at the first sign of trouble.But then again what do I know I've never been in their shoes.I always brought J to the doctors when she was pregnant and one thing I noticed was posters on the waiting room wall advising men about low testosterone count.It doesn't seem to be a huge problem to sort out so why don't these LD men do it.
> Then again I could be wrong,wouldn't be the first time.


I do not understand being married and not having sex. That just seems very strange to me.


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## john117

inmyprime said:


> Count yourself lucky that you haven't killed/injured anyone, is the take away message?


Bhahaha 😀😇


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## Andy1001

jld said:


> I do not understand being married and not having sex. That just seems very strange to me.


It's like owning a Ferrari and walking to work.


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## jld

inmyprime said:


> Yes, for ONSs it probably applies (though I wouldn't know,* I have only ever slept with one person properly (wife). *Another time: I couldn't do it properly as I wasn't very attracted/bonded to her.
> But in a long term relationship, the lack of attraction factor will eventually come to surface one way or another. I have had girlfriends I wasn't very attracted to and remember at first being sexually curious with them but eventually a bit annoyed every time this was coming up and just didn't feel like doing anything sexual with them much...I am generally an 'HD' person (according to TAM standards anyway).


That is so good. I admire and respect that so much.


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## 269370

Lila said:


> Are you kidding? Someone always pops in with 'are you overweight? ' or ' do you take care of yourself? '.
> 
> I know when I posted my thread about my husband's performance anxiety/ED, people asked if it was possible he was not attracted to me. It did hurt to read that but it was the impetus I needed to learn that one man's trash is another man's treasure so, in a round about way, it helped me.
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


I must have missed those threads...It's just I read people go in such length with these terms (LD/HD) and I sometimes scratch my head. My guess was that once the 'diagnosis' is in place it helps one better cope with rejection.


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## 269370

Andy1001 said:


> It's like owning a Ferrari and walking to work.


Because you want to 'save it'?


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## Andy1001

jld said:


> :lol:
> 
> The answer is a vegan diet, Andy.
> 
> A Vegan Diet Can Help With Impotence | PETA
> 
> _Originally, it was thought that impotence was caused by anxiety, but according to the Erectile Dysfunction Institute, up to 90 percent of all cases of impotence are physical as opposed to psychological. That’s right: High cholesterol, obesity, diabetes, prostate cancer or inflammations, and hormonal imbalances cause the vast majority of all cases of impotence.
> 
> The good news is that medical science suggests that all of these conditions can be managed or in some cases even prevented with a low-fat vegan diet._


Well,the things I eat are vegan,does that count.😋😋😋😋😋


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## Andy1001

inmyprime said:


> Because you want to 'save it'?


Save it for what.Use it before you lose it.


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## 269370

jld said:


> That is so good. I admire and respect that so much.


I think that happened more by chance rather than design: we met when she was 15 and I was 16, had a few hiccups along the way but still together. So not much opportunity to mess around elsewhere (not that I ever long for it to be honest). Some friends of mine were terrified at the thought of getting married/only ever sleeping with one woman for rest of life. I couldn't really relate to that, even though I remember nodding 'knowingly' at the time...
Maybe I never gave this side free reign. Midlife crisis here we come  (women and ferraris)
hope not.


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## 269370

john117 said:


> Bhahaha 😀😇


Is that the 'mad scientist' laugh? Should we be worried?


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## Andy1001

inmyprime said:


> I think that happened more by chance rather than design: we met when she was 15 and I was 16, had a few hiccups along the way but still together. So not much opportunity to mess around elsewhere (not that I ever long for it to be honest). Some friends of mine were terrified at the thought of getting married/only ever sleeping with one woman for rest of life. I couldn't really relate to that, even though I remember nodding 'knowingly' at the time...
> Maybe I never gave this side free reign. Midlife crisis here we come  (women and ferraris)
> hope not.


I know we have been joking here but I honestly admire what you have with your wife.If I had met my girlfriend when I was fifteen things may have been different.As it was I spent years traveling and then lived with some great people who loved to party and I was the pack leader.I don't regret anything but things could have been different.
Every man needs to drive a Ferrari at least once.😈


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## jld

Andy1001 said:


> Well,the things I eat are vegan,does that count.😋😋😋😋😋


Just keep it in mind if you ever have health problems, Andy.

I read a few years ago that many CEOs are vegan. They know they cannot buy health. They have to earn it.


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## jld

inmyprime said:


> I think that happened more by chance rather than design: we met when she was 15 and I was 16, had a few hiccups along the way but still together. So not much opportunity to mess around elsewhere (not that I ever long for it to be honest). Some friends of mine were terrified at the thought of getting married/only ever sleeping with one woman for rest of life. I couldn't really relate to that, even though I remember nodding 'knowingly' at the time...
> Maybe I never gave this side free reign. Midlife crisis here we come  (women and ferraris)
> hope not.


I hope not, either. I don't think your children would be grateful if you ever left their mom.


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## john117

inmyprime said:


> Is that the 'mad scientist' laugh? Should we be worried?


It's a social scientist gone mad after spending 2 days writing Matlab code for coordinate transformations. 

Moral conclusion: this ain't the Army where you inspire your team by showing them you can do the hard stuff. Who would have thunk programming a freaking robotic arm would be so freaking difficult.


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## alexm

jld said:


> That has to have been the second biggest surprise to me reading here, that there are men in this world who do not seemingly live and breathe for sex. That there exist LD men has been a novelty to hear about.
> 
> Glad to hear you are with a more compatible partner now, FIP.


I still can't believe there are so many _women_ who don't live and breathe for sex. :wink2:

Seriously, though, I simply don't get it, regardless of gender.


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## jld

alexm said:


> *I still can't believe there are so many women who don't live and breathe for sex. :wink2:*
> 
> Seriously, though, I simply don't get it, regardless of gender.


Clearly, their husbands are not inspiring them.


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## alexm

jld said:


> Clearly, their husbands are not inspiring them.


What came first, the chicken or the egg? :smile2:


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## Bananapeel

jld said:


> :lol:
> 
> The answer is a vegan diet, Andy.
> 
> A Vegan Diet Can Help With Impotence | PETA
> 
> _Originally, it was thought that impotence was caused by anxiety, but according to the Erectile Dysfunction Institute, up to 90 percent of all cases of impotence are physical as opposed to psychological. That’s right: High cholesterol, obesity, diabetes, prostate cancer or inflammations, and hormonal imbalances cause the vast majority of all cases of impotence.
> 
> *The good news is that medical science suggests that all of these conditions can be managed or in some cases even prevented with a low-fat vegan diet*._


Trading one dysfunction for another, it seems.


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## Ynot

Bananapeel said:


> Trading one dysfunction for another, it seems.


Trading one dysfunction for another seems to be a common theme with many people.


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## Wolf1974

Ynot said:


> I subscribe to Quora. For those who aren't familiar with it, basically is a just a website one can go to, to ask or answer questions about various topics. So earlier this week, someone asked "What would happen if women went on strike and refused to have sex for a week?"
> There were way over 100 answers. But the funny thing was the number of answers that said something along the lines of "for married people, not much would change and most wouldn't even notice"
> So for all you divorced TAMers out there, take heart, even if you were still married, you probably wouldn't be getting any anyways.
> 
> PS as an aside, I don't think that could ever happen. The question is prefaced on the assumption that women just have sex to control men. The reality is that there are a LOT of women out there who just enjoy sex too much to go without for even seven days. It is another one of those things I have discovered post divorce.



I never went a week without sex when I was married or now single without a circumstance preventing it like traveling for work. Think it all depends on what your willing to prioritize or not. Marriage doesn't have to be a sexless trap. I get the stereotype though


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## FeministInPink

Wolf1974 said:


> I never went a week without sex when I was married or now single without a circumstance preventing it like traveling for work. Think it all depends on what your willing to prioritize or not. Marriage doesn't have to be a sexless trap. I get the stereotype though


I've had far more sex in my post-divorce life than I ever had while married. I *could* have had even more, but I went without between boyfriends because I'm just not interested in ONSs/Tinder hookups/casual sex.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## john117

Wolf1974 said:


> I never went a week without sex when I was married or now single without a circumstance preventing it like traveling for work. Think it all depends on what your willing to prioritize or not. Marriage doesn't have to be a sexless trap. I get the stereotype though


Lack of time or desire is rarely the issue.


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## Wolf1974

FeministInPink said:


> I've had far more sex in my post-divorce life than I ever had while married. I *could* have had even more, but I went without between boyfriends because I'm just not interested in ONSs/Tinder hookups/casual sex.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I had more quantity married but more unique and quality single.

I have got to cross off everything I was curious about with sex since getting divorced with the exception of threesome and that's going to come off the list soon :grin2:.


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## Wolf1974

john117 said:


> Lack of time or desire is rarely the issue.


Nope priority of what you will and won't tolerate is. If you are sexless and refuse to leave cause of it then the priority of sex is lower than whatever it is causing you to stay. Valid choice for some but wouldn't be mine


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## 269370

Andy1001 said:


> I know we have been joking here but I honestly admire what you have with your wife.If I had met my girlfriend when I was fifteen things may have been different.As it was I spent years traveling and then lived with some great people who loved to party and I was the pack leader.I don't regret anything but things could have been different.
> 
> Every man needs to drive a Ferrari at least once.



As long as it doesn't turn out to be a skoda by mistake 
It's important to collect all kinds of experiences. I do sometimes wonder if I settled down too early but wouldn't want to change anything either.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## SunCMars

Sex strike?

One week? No problems.
One month? A LOT of whining...a whole lot.

One year? There would be no place safe on Earth for Women, Men, Sheep and Camels. Little men would get attacked in the street.

Oh yeah, the Rivers and Seas would run Blood Red!


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## john117

Wolf1974 said:


> Nope priority of what you will and won't tolerate is. If you are sexless and refuse to leave cause of it then the priority of sex is lower than whatever it is causing you to stay. Valid choice for some but wouldn't be mine


That's not how it works I'm afraid. Nobody goes to bed on Sunday after 3x a week only to wake up on Monday at 1x a month. 

And generally, when people bail out of a sexless marriage, it's often due to other issues, not sex per se. Sex is merely the canary in the mine.


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## jld

inmyprime said:


> As long as it doesn't turn out to be a skoda by mistake
> It's important to collect all kinds of experiences. I do sometimes wonder if I settled down too early but wouldn't want to change anything either.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Since it sounds like you married the right woman, I would say you avoided a lot of scars.


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## tech-novelist

Ynot said:


> I have always said the answer to teen age pregnancy is simple - just make them marry each other and teen age sex would go disappear.


H. L. Mencken suggested something like that many years ago, although he was talking about just teenage sex, with or without pregnancy.



Ynot said:


> OTOH, I am happy if some of you are in active marriages, I was just commenting on the fact, that response after response on Quora referred to the fact that married couples would have been unaffected. Unfortunately my experience was one where the sex dried up. I counted weeks without sex at times. If I brought it up I was depicted as some sort of sex maniac for even keeping track. I was made to feel as though something was wrong with me. God I wish I could get back all those sexless weeks of my life. Alas all I can do is try to make up for lost time now!


Fortunately I'm not in that very unpleasant situation. I congratulate you on making up for lost time!


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## Wolf1974

john117 said:


> That's not how it works I'm afraid. Nobody goes to bed on Sunday after 3x a week only to wake up on Monday at 1x a month.
> 
> And generally, when people bail out of a sexless marriage, it's often due to other issues, not sex per se. Sex is merely the canary in the mine.


Absolutely how it works. The guy who has it 3x a week wakes up years later to 1x a month and tolerated it every step of the way. That's on him as much as her or switch genders if the other way around 

Some may bail for other issues but lack of sex is as valid as any other issue to leave over ...unless it's like I said and sex just doesn't matter to you


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## Ynot

Wolf1974 said:


> I never went a week without sex when I was married or now single without a circumstance preventing it like traveling for work. Think it all depends on what your willing to prioritize or not. Marriage doesn't have to be a sexless trap. I get the stereotype though


Oh believe me. it wasn't by my choice, but as I said when I brought it up I was made to feel as though I were some kind of sex fiend. I truly wanted to make my marriage work. I accepted and "understood" where she was coming from. But it really bothered me. As John said above, I didn't just wake up one day to once a month sex. It happened over time. One drip at a time. And always, always, always thinking things were going to get better as soon as (the kids grew up, she changed jobs, this project was completed, her period was over, you get the point - there was always something) After being rejected (you'll have to take a rain check, I have x,y, or z going on) or belittled (not again?) or made to feel as though she was just doing it out of obligation (Ok, you have five minutes) I eventually stopped pursuing it.


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## FeministInPink

Ynot said:


> Oh believe me. it wasn't by my choice, but as I said when I brought it up I was made to feel as though I were some kind of sex fiend. I truly wanted to make my marriage work. I accepted and "understood" where she was coming from. But it really bothered me. As John said above, I didn't just wake up one day to once a month sex. It happened over time. One drip at a time. And always, always, always thinking things were going to get better as soon as (the kids grew up, she changed jobs, this project was completed, her period was over, you get the point - there was always something) After being rejected (you'll have to take a rain check, I have x,y, or z going on) or belittled (not again?) or made to feel as though she was just doing it out of obligation (Ok, you have five minutes) I eventually stopped pursuing it.


This was how it happened for me, just reverse the gender roles.

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## Andy1001

Ynot said:


> Oh believe me. it wasn't by my choice, but as I said when I brought it up I was made to feel as though I were some kind of sex fiend. I truly wanted to make my marriage work. I accepted and "understood" where she was coming from. But it really bothered me. As John said above, I didn't just wake up one day to once a month sex. It happened over time. One drip at a time. And always, always, always thinking things were going to get better as soon as (the kids grew up, she changed jobs, this project was completed, her period was over, you get the point - there was always something) After being rejected (you'll have to take a rain check, I have x,y, or z going on) or belittled (not again?) or made to feel as though she was just doing it out of obligation (Ok, you have five minutes) I eventually stopped pursuing it.


I have a friend who is an addiction counsellor and over the years I have heard her talking about people with addictive tendencies.She says the same thing you have said but with the opposite result,people who want to stop doing certain things always have an excuse that prevents them stopping.One example would be a person with an alcohol problem may be advised to quit drinking for a few weeks,there would always be an event or occasion that they just "had"to have a drink at but would quit drinking afterwards.Then there would be another event coming up so it was pointless to quit until then.You can substitute alcohol for food,shopping,gambling,even pot smoking,there was always a reason for not stopping immediately.
I think people can get addicted to not having sex.


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## Wolf1974

Ynot said:


> Oh believe me. it wasn't by my *choice*, but as I said when I brought it up I was made to feel as though I were some kind of sex fiend. I truly wanted to make my marriage work. I accepted and "understood" where she was coming from. But it really bothered me. As John said above, I didn't just wake up one day to once a month sex. It happened over time. One drip at a time. And always, always, always thinking things were going to get better as soon as (the kids grew up, she changed jobs, this project was completed, her period was over, you get the point - there was always something) After being rejected (you'll have to take a rain check, I have x,y, or z going on) or belittled (not again?) or made to feel as though she was just doing it out of obligation (Ok, you have five minutes) I eventually stopped pursuing it.


This paragraph is riddled with choices. Choices she made and choices you made all along the way to accept it. My guess is that now you wouldn't allow any new relationship to deteriorate like this correct? You would make difference choices moving forward because you have learned that defaulting to someone else's priority is a one sided relationship. That's my point. We can't be responsible for other people's choice but what we do, the choice we make to accept or not accept is our choice.

This is true for all of us. Sex has always been a high priority for me so I made the decision by my first realtionship in life that I wouldn't tolerate sexless relationships or sex used as a weapon. I backed that up by following through and walking out when either occurred. As a result I have never been sexless. But I have certainly made mistakes in other areas, allowing myself to be demeaned or disrespected and that was my choice to accept and I did. I certainly wouldn't now though .


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## Ynot

Wolf1974 said:


> This paragraph is riddled with choices. Choices she made and choices you made all along the way to accept it. My guess is that now you wouldn't allow any new relationship to deteriorate like this correct? You would make difference choices moving forward because you have learned that defaulting to someone else's priority is a one sided relationship. That's my point. We can't be responsible for other people's choice but what we do, the choice we make to accept or not accept is our choice.
> 
> This is true for all of us. Sex has always been a high priority for me so I made the decision by my first realtionship in life that I wouldn't tolerate sexless relationships or sex used as a weapon. I backed that up by following through and walking out when either occurred. As a result I have never been sexless. But I have certainly made mistakes in other areas, allowing myself to be demeaned or disrespected and that was my choice to accept and I did. I certainly wouldn't now though .


I agree, What I meant was it wasn't my choice to be in a sex starved marriage. While I made the choice to accept it, it wasn't me that made it so. But you are right. Now I do not tolerate it, there are other things I do not tolerate in relationships as well. As with everything else in life, I am learning thru experience. As I experience more, some things become acceptable that weren't while other things that were are not anymore. None of us come into this world (or exit from it) with perfect knowledge. All we can do is make mistakes based on our imperfect knowledge and move forward with a greater understanding. Perhaps at the moment I place too much emphasis on sex. But as with everything else in life, time will tell. But so far so good.


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## john117

Wolf1974 said:


> Absolutely how it works. The guy who has it 3x a week wakes up years later to 1x a month and tolerated it every step of the way. That's on him as much as her or switch genders if the other way around
> 
> Some may bail for other issues but lack of sex is as valid as any other issue to leave over ...unless it's like I said and sex just doesn't matter to you


It generally happens in slow increments with plausible explanations​ along the way. It's not a cold turkey type event. It may take years even.


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