# How Am I Still Alive..?



## bigfool (Feb 8, 2021)

I'll keep it as short as possible, will have to leave many horrific details out.

Loved her more than my own life which she has now completely destroyed and disgraced along with the life of our child.

Together for a total of 11 years to date got married in 2015. Beautiful wedding in an old castle.

Late 2016 We had a beautiful baby, I was assisting the birth throughout... all was happy and hopeful for the future.
1 year maternity for her while I worked my ass off in a toxic corporate environment while looking after mommy and baby at home as much as possible
Late 2017 I finally caved in to the mobbing and bulling and went sick on doctors orders, have been with the company nearly 20 years.
Bullying was so severe I had a hypertensive crisis, she encouraged me to see my doctor but I put it off as long as possible as I was the only income at the time
2018 she returns to work after 1 year at home, I am on sick leave and have taken legal action against the company for covering up and protecting managers involved in making me sick and sabotaging my career.

Now here it is my friends...

While fighting for my life against a multi billion dollar company and a bunch of soulless HR mannequins doing their best to suicide me I discover that my "wife" had been pretending to go to work during the evenings but was actually whoring herself out to a married man at several undisclosed locations.

This went on for at least 1.5 years maybe longer while I was at home with out 1 year old child struggling with severe anxiety and PTSD. I remember some nights holding on to our child so closely as that was the only thing keeping me among the living.

How did I find out?

The scum bags wife tracked me down on the street, they have several children. She was balling her eyes out and I don' t blame her.

There are many more details, to many to post.

Lost of harassment from mr scum bag in an attempt to goad me into delivering justice... but I knew this was just a trap.

Another trap is divorcing my life destroying wife as the courts will likely steal my child and she will ***** herself out to another man ASAP.

Pain

I had no idea about PTSD or how it could actually feel like physical waves of pain hitting you non stop from the moment you open your eyes in the morning to the moment you close them at night.

I thought I would throw myself over a bridge several times as the agony was simply too much but I went on living for my child.

NOW

We are in the same house, she behaves like a somewhat distant friend but in a mostly fake way most of the time.

For my child's sake I watch her as much as I can but I know almost every time she opens her mouth she lies or intends to be deceitful now.

She is not the woman I married she is a monster.

I don't know if I was just blind before getting married of if something happened to turn her into a lying, family destroying psychopath - there are no answers...

I will be getting my child paternity tested soon, at least that will be one tiny bit of reality left in my life.

Hard for me to post any of this, the mental emotional horror is simply endless I just pray my child will be ok.

How could she leave a 1 year old child with her sick husband and ***** herself out like that - I don't now, it doesn't matter in the end.

If we had no children I would happily have divorced her already and exposed her to her family (they don't know, neither do mine).

I'm not posting this for advice exactly as there is none, its just hell on earth, prison for ever.

God bless and help any of you suffering a similar situation.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Damn! Get that DNA test and if she is yours fight for her custody.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your protecting her from both your and her family about the truth of her infidelity. Sounds insane to me. Nothing makes infidelity hit the cheater as hard as full exposure. Maybe your just trying to help her case in keeping the kid?

Exposure = Truth

Stop helping the lie.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

bigfool said:


> I'll keep it as short as possible, will have to leave many horrific details out.
> 
> Loved her more than my own life which she has now completely destroyed and disgraced along with the life of our child.
> 
> ...


Get the best lawyer you can find and fight like hell. Quit allowing yourself to "Take" it. There is no honor in that. Stand up and fight!


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

First thing is you need to expose the affair to both families and friends of the marriage. This is for her to face the ugliness of what she’s done. Since she hasn’t faced any consequences, she has developed a hauty attitude. Let them know that weeks from going back to work, she was starting an affair with a married man. 

The 2nd thing you need to do is file for D. Right now you have nothing to work with. If she turns it around, you can stop the process but right now she’s still in pining for OM mode. For maximum effect, have her served at work. 

implement the 180 on her. Only interact with her on things having to do with the kids or financial issues.

Women respond to strength. Right now the other man is the bold guy who goes after what he wants and she rewarded him with wanton sex. You’re the weak guy she has to sacrifice her fun for. So she openly treats you with disdain.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

This is a ****ty situation brother, sorry you’re here.
That said, I’m going to tell you things that you need to hear, rather than what you appear to want to hear. I realize you’re crushed and devastated right now but you need to push through, build a plan and act methodically and deliberately despite mangled emotions. Emotional decisions = bad decisions = bad outcomes.

You said you’re not posting for advice, as there is none. That’s complete BS. 
There is a lot you can do right now to improve your situation and position yourself for a better reality. 
You are capable of taking control of your situation to affect the best possible outcome from a currently bad situation.

But you need to decide if you’re willing to take action to improve your situation or if you’re just looking for someone to commiserate with and validate your victimhood so you can continue to helplessly wallow in your misery. - the latter is a really bad path by the way, but your call. 

There are a number of things that you need to do immediately to take control of the situation, (some of it has already been suggested) we’ll get more into that if you’re interested. 
There is a ton of very good advice that you’ll receive here if you’re willing to listen. I can assure you that the folks here want to help you and want what’s best for you. But it will ultimately be up to you to act and execute. You can choose to remain in your miserable situation, or you can choose to improve it.

So if you actually want to improve your situation, we can help. If you’re ready to drop the victim mindset and start taking action to get better, we will help you get after it.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

bigfool said:


> Another trap is divorcing my life destroying wife as the courts will likely steal my child and she will *** herself out to another man ASAP.


Dawg, first you need to get things in perspective. You are not the only guy on your block whose old lady is f-ing around, has f-ed around, or will f-around. Youre too worried about what she's going to do after you ditch her azz. Why do you care if she gang bangs half the guys withing a mile radius. You don't have to put up with her and you can replace her easily.
I know what youre thinking--"I want her and can't see myself with another chick. My kid this and my kid that." The kid is better of not being caught between a cheating spouse and the angry betrayed spouse. Other than that, the rest will wear off in months, if not days. Don't be dumb enough to deceive yourself into believing she's has something that just can't be replaced. It will be replaced when the next one comes along. Think about it my man; Would you feel so down if you had a couple of other attractive chicks who thought you hung the moon waiting in the wings. I wished I had $5.00 for every dude I've seen during my lifetime who was singing the blues, like you, when they lost one chick, and smiling like a jack azz eating briers a couple of months later when they were sporting around a new chick.
It ain't her that keeps you stewing in your juices. It the changes that are coming your way whether you like it or not.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

bigfool said:


> I'll keep it as short as possible, will have to leave many horrific details out.
> 
> Loved her more than my own life which she has now completely destroyed and disgraced along with the life of our child.
> 
> ...


There is a lot going on here, and I have a lot of questions about all kinds of things, I'll be more complete later but for now, your situation with your wife is a dime a dozen, it happens to many many many people. And there is a clear path to get out of the situation if you act with confidence, strength and without fear. It sounds like you are very timid and don't like to tackle things head on. This is something you need to work on, you need to have more respect for yourself. You deserve a happy life, but you are going to have to go out and get a happy life it's not going to come to you. 

Expound on this situation with your job, what was this bullying? how did these people destroy your career? It may seem like a side note that is just background but for some reason I feel like it is very much related to where you are today.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

bigfool said:


> Loved her more than my own life


here's your problem. No one, and I mean no one should be loved more than yourself. Period. If you don't love yourself first, how can you love anyone else? That's ridiculous.
Now, your very first thing to do is to DNA the child for a paternity test.



bigfool said:


> We are in the same house, she behaves like a somewhat distant friend but in a mostly fake way most of the time.
> 
> For my child's sake I watch her as much as I can but I know almost every time she opens her mouth she lies or intends to be deceitful now.


Why, dude, why do you even care that she is distant and is mostly a fake? why? Your child (if it's yours at all) sake shouldn't be a factor at all for you to watch her? watch her to what purpose? Your purpose now should be: how to get rid of the skanky cheat. Show her that you're a man that have self respect. 



bigfool said:


> I thought I would throw myself over a bridge several times as the agony was simply too much but I went on living for my child.


This and your statement that you loved her more than yourself is an indication that not all is well within you. When men start to show signs that they are not all together, normally that's when a lot of women start to lose their respect for their man, until they start seeking for another dude that they will see in a better light as a man than the guy being the weepy doormat at home.



bigfool said:


> I'm not posting this for advice exactly as there is none, its just hell on earth, prison for ever.


I'm not trying to piss on your suffering, but, please, get the **** off that frame of mind. You're being melodramatic, and poor, poor me. It shows and proves to your wife that she was right in not respecting you as a man and as an individual. 

Now, go get yourself together and start doing every single female available that wants to shag you. Do it, it will good for your soul and your ego. Screw the skank you have a home, get rid of her. Show her your pride, your self respect, your manhood.


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

This isn't a case of saving your marriage. It's more a case of saving your soul and your life. The latter wins by a landslide.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

One Eighty said:


> As a former divorce attorney, I can't help but think in your situation you should divorce and do it quickly. You are on the verge of being saddled with permanent alimony. She could leave you, for another guy, or just leave, in a few years, and you will have to support her till the day you die. If you get out now, you will have some obligation but not a life time obligation.


He is in Ireland. They don't do quick divorces.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Rob_1 said:


> here's your problem. No one, and I mean no one should be loved more than yourself. Period. If you don't love yourself first, how can you love anyone else? That's ridiculous.
> Now, your very first thing to do is to DNA the child for a paternity test.
> 
> 
> ...


Spot on!!


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## bigfool (Feb 8, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> Damn! Get that DNA test and if she is yours fight for her custody.


Test will happen very soon thanks.


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## bigfool (Feb 8, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Your protecting her from both your and her family about the truth of her infidelity. Sounds insane to me. Nothing makes infidelity hit the cheater as hard as full exposure. Maybe your just trying to help her case in keeping the kid?
> 
> Exposure = Truth
> 
> Stop helping the lie.


Yes I've kept things quiet for far too long. I just couldn't handle the shame and disgrace for my little boy and myself. Will be contacting her family and mine shortly with all the gruesome details.


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## bigfool (Feb 8, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Get the best lawyer you can find and fight like hell. Quit allowing yourself to "Take" it. There is no honor in that. Stand up and fight!


Problem is regardless of the lawyers skills the courts are likely to give her most of the custody rights for our young child, which means she will have managed to drive me out of his life and potentially replace me with another "father" - not happening.


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## bigfool (Feb 8, 2021)

jsmart said:


> First thing is you need to expose the affair to both families and friends of the marriage. This is for her to face the ugliness of what she’s done. Since she hasn’t faced any consequences, she has developed a hauty attitude. Let them know that weeks from going back to work, she was starting an affair with a married man.
> 
> The 2nd thing you need to do is file for D. Right now you have nothing to work with. If she turns it around, you can stop the process but right now she’s still in pining for OM mode. For maximum effect, have her served at work.
> 
> ...


1. Will be exposing all to both families and some friends very soon and you are right about the attitude, like a criminal who has gotten away with murder.

2. Yes I will be doing that also but not immediately.

3. Yes you are correct - from around 2016 to 2018 I had my entire world destroyed all reality gone and almost did myself in. I became "unmanned" during this time and she took advantage. Typical female searching for a better resource provider when her partner/husband is incapacitated.

Thanks for those points.


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## bigfool (Feb 8, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> This is a ****ty situation brother, sorry you’re here.
> That said, I’m going to tell you things that you need to hear, rather than what you appear to want to hear. I realize you’re crushed and devastated right now but you need to push through, build a plan and act methodically and deliberately despite mangled emotions. Emotional decisions = bad decisions = bad outcomes.
> 
> You said you’re not posting for advice, as there is none. That’s complete BS.
> ...


Thanks for all of that. 

I don't view myself as a victim anymore but I did for a long time. I see myself as a target now, its a stronger place to work from.

As I stated in my original post there are many details left out for a number of pretty serious reasons but I'll try and add a little clarification on my lack of action.

One reason I have not taken action sooner is the PTST - it was simply overwhelming, incredible stuff and I could barely function for over one year, I do not exaggerate here.

Another reason is just as I was regaining some strength and order in my life and planning actions to take, I was the recipient of a vicious assault (not related to the infidelity) requiring major surgery and leaving me out of commission for the last 9 months.

However, I do want to go on the attack now. I realize if I don't do this she will continue to take advantage, disrespect me and pretend she is a loving wife and caring mother to her family and friends.


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## bigfool (Feb 8, 2021)

happyhusband0005 said:


> There is a lot going on here, and I have a lot of questions about all kinds of things, I'll be more complete later but for now, your situation with your wife is a dime a dozen, it happens to many many many people. And there is a clear path to get out of the situation if you act with confidence, strength and without fear. It sounds like you are very timid and don't like to tackle things head on. This is something you need to work on, you need to have more respect for yourself. You deserve a happy life, but you are going to have to go out and get a happy life it's not going to come to you.
> 
> Expound on this situation with your job, what was this bullying? how did these people destroy your career? It may seem like a side note that is just background but for some reason I feel like it is very much related to where you are today.



The bullying.

Yes it definitely brought me to where I am today or perhaps exposed what was waiting inside my wife? In a way I'm almost relieved it happened while I'm still at an age where I can do something with whatever is left of my life though I would never get romantically involved with another woman again after this.

Workplace mobbing, bullying, defamation, character assassination... you name it. Why? Because I wasn't one of the gang, I didn't fit in, definitely did not share the same political views, I was independently intelligent and innovative in doing my job and worst of all after all that I was being lined up for a promotion - believe me most of the gang I worked with were not happy about that and so it began.

I truly believe these people would have left me for dead at the side of the road, such was the atmosphere within my work group. This is a BIG company with stringent *"behavioural standards" *policies which are worthless when your HR department decides it's better to protect corrupt managers and connected employees.


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## bigfool (Feb 8, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> He is in Ireland. They don't do quick divorces.


Yep, and the divorce courts are (SHOCKER) heavily biased against men...


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

You need to realize that even though the courts are very slanted against husband/father you will not be denied access to your kid(s). She may get them for more of the time but today the norm is for an almost 50/50 split. 

as for another man coming in taking your place, don’t fear that. There not a lot of men lining up to wife up or move in a woman with another man’s kids. Yes it happens but not as often as BHs fear.

Work on being the best version of yourself, which includes being a great dad. Go hit the gym HARD. It will help release stress and build up your testosterone, which just took a massive hit through the emasculation your wife out you through.

Put this lawsuit behind you. It has caused you to put your life on hold for too long. There is nothing more valuable than your time. Don’t waste it waiting for some payoff. It’s time to unpause yourself and go pursue life.


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## bigfool (Feb 8, 2021)

Well said and thank you!


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

bigfool said:


> Yes I've kept things quiet for far too long. I just couldn't handle the shame and disgrace for my little boy and myself. Will be contacting her family and mine shortly with all the gruesome details.


There is no shame for you or your son. Your wife is just a broke POS cheater.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

bigfool said:


> Problem is regardless of the lawyers skills the courts are likely to give her most of the custody rights for our young child, which means she will have managed to drive me out of his life and potentially replace me with another "father" - not happening.


Given that you seem to be from Ireland I can't speak for sure but this (DESPITE THE HEADLINE) article seems to state that the Mom gets custody and there is a shared parent arrangement.









Study finds mothers get children after split


MOST CHILDREN live primarily with their mother following separation or divorce, new research has found.




www.irishtimes.com







> Eighty-seven of the cases were analysed, and joint custody was awarded in 70 of them. Sole custody arose in 11 cases, normally where one parent posed a risk to the children, or where there had been paternal desertion of the family. In the remaining cases, the children were older teenagers and the courts were reluctant to make custody orders.


That doesn't look as dire as you or the headline makes it out to be. Now if you want them to live with you full time as the primary caregiver that may not happen, but having a custody agreement where they spend some time with you doesn't seem impossible at least legally. Look I am a child of divorce, had a step-father, dude was never going to take the place of my Dad. If he had been a good husband to my Mom he would have been my Mom's husband and I would have respected him for that, but my Dad is like my best friend. Part of why we are so close is all the time we spent together after the divorce. My Dad made our relationship his priority and because of that I also made it a priority. I learned that from him. You can do the same

I think you need to at least talk to a lawyer so see if your perception is reality.

If you are not going to divorce at the very least detach emotionally from your wife and work really hard to bond with your kids so that as they grow there is nothing she will be able to harm that relationship, even if she tries.

DON'T LIE TO THEM EVER.
DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR ISSUES WITH THEIR MOM TO THEM UNLESS NECESSARY, AND THEN ALWAYS DIPLOMATICALLY.

Kids are not stupid, you need to be the authentic impartial trusted narrator in the discussion about your marriage. This give you power if you need it because you will be believed and trusted. Hopefully you won't need it, but you may. You need to built up equity by always being reasonable about your marriage when discussing it. This is how you protect your relationship with them.

Remember you both are their parents and it will always be their hope that you can co-exist, it's not in their interest to pick sides. They may see what she did as wrong but that is their Mother in only the worst cases to kids abandon their parents. Just like you would never abandon your kids. So their self interest is for you to just be reasonable with each other, co-exist when necessary and leave them out of the drama. Your goal should be to align with this. That will make it easy to be on your side, because your side is their side.

That may not seem fair, and in some ways it's not but you married and had children with this women so unfortunately those are the consequences. 

Always pursue them.
Always be truthful.
Be unemotional and impartial about their relationship with there Mom. (That is a separate relationship then your relationship with them now.)
Don't bring up your marriage with them, that is not their issue.
Go have a great life.

And your relationship with them will be great.


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