# List of Expectations?



## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

I once read in a book that couples should write a list of expectations for their spouse. I dont mean this in a way, say... "I expect a bj every single night" kind of way, but perhaps a little more intangible, if you understnad my meaning. Its late, Im tired.

I was wondering if any other couples had tried this, or if you may suggest reasons this is a bad choice.

Guidelines would also be super.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Yes we did this and it was good for us.

At the start our lists were very different. Mine was fairly short and listed the behaviors and overall feeling I expected from the relationship. His list was long and extremely detailed with specifics that seemed almost irrelevant to the relationship, they were about me rather than us. This initially caused upset between us. After a few weeks he revisited his list and was able to translate these specifics into various overall expectations of the relationship. Then I understood.

From that point on it became helpful.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi SockPuppet ~

Have you and your wife ever read "His Needs Her Needs" or worked through the worksheets on marriagebuilders.com?

That's basically what they talk about - what needs each of you have: Emotional Needs Questionnaire

... and what things you could be doing that actually turn your partner off: Love Busters

Best wishes.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Hi SockPuppet ~
> 
> Have you and your wife ever read "*His Needs Her Needs*" or worked through the worksheets on marriagebuilders.com?
> 
> ...


:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

This is essential reading. Plus actually doing the workbook for the setting of boundaries is priceless. So many of the issues on this forum relate to boundaries. 

The process of doing this together gets couples actually talking to one another about the things that really matter in a marriage. So the communication is enhanced and subjects that one is reluctant to bring up can then be disscussed openly.

In addition to these I suggest Married Man Sex Life for the husband. Would not hurt the wife to read it either.


----------

