# Trying to grasp all this



## gonnagetbetter (Nov 20, 2010)

Yesterday was 3 weeks ago that my husband of 8 yrs came in and said he is unhappy, has been for a long time and took some things and left. He is living with a woman he began an online romance with, I believe. He just recently had his 20 yr HS reunion and I think it is someone from there. He had an affair a few years ago and cried and begged me to forgive him. The only regret I have about my marraiage is that I didn't force him to a counselor then, he felt everything would be good due to him being afraid of losing everything. He has a porn addiction and has admitted to lusting after every skirt that walks by him, his words. He said I don't know who he is and the man I love doesn't exist, he has tried to be someone he is not. He confided to our pastor this new one is his 5th affair. He gave him permisson to tell me about their discussion, I think he just used the pastor to tell me things he didn't want to himself. The pastor said he cannot advise me to seek counseling with him or reconciliation, he feels he will do it again and again and his heart is not right with God because he doesn't seem to have remorse at all. I am so heartbroken, I do okay during the day but at home, with our stuff everywhere, I cry a lot every evening. I don't know how to get strong enough to do this, I guess I will in time, I love him with all my heart. I start a new job Monday and it is almost a $4 per hour raise so I know he is waiting for me to see what my checks look like, I don't know when he will start divorce proceedings. He seems to be waiting for me, he said he knows this is hurtful for me, he comes in when I am not here and I notice things of his disappear, it kills me. He and his first wife tried to live together while they decided on divorce, he didn't want it and she had many affairs, that is why I thought he'd never do it. He said he does not want to see me because he went through that with her, they would have sex and he'd think they were back together, or she'd go out and he'd wonder if she was coming home or not and he does not want to put me through that. His mind seems made up, he said he'd go to a counselor if I wanted but he does not want to and does not think it would do any good. I can't believe he'd walk out on 8 yrs and just move in with someone. I realize I need to get out of this house soon, I need my own place without his stuff sitting around. I don't know how to get through this. I don't see how he does not miss me at all or want to talk to me. This is so painful knowing he is with her all happy but I know he will probably do the same to her. I just wish this pain in my chest would go away.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sorry you are going through this. I guess you need to first decide what you want. Do you want to save your marriage or divorce? It does sound as though you have convincing arguments on both sides of the coin. Once you make a decision things will become clearer for you.

You may want to go to counseling for your benefit at this point. I found that to be most helpful when I was "dumped".

Hang in there!


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## geo (Oct 29, 2010)

I won't comment on the relationship. As for his stuff, move it out! it does you no good having it around you ! I moved my wife's stuff about a week after she left and it was a whole lot easier to deal with being in the house!


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