# My 180 and my sanity...



## debbie_S43 (Jun 9, 2011)

Hi All,

First time poster ont his thread - i am seperated at the minute and doing a 180 after spending a couple of weeks begging, crying, screaming etc...

I got to the point where i thought he is turning me into a person i really don't like, i am not weak usually but i was floored when he said i am not in love with you anymore and left.... after 25 years, 23 married.

Anyway, he started behaving very childishly and not going to tell me where he is, swears there is no one else despite being caught out with a huge phone bill, swears he was never physically unfaithful etc...

I decided last Friday to do a 180 - not in the interest of getting him back in my life but to help myself to heal..... I am not phoning, texting, emailing or seeing him at the moment to allow me some time to move on. I have been going out with friends and having a good time and am begining to feel like me again - something i think i lost during the years we were together..... When i made this descison i asked him to stay away from the house, that i didn't want to see him and asking him to give me the space to move on.

Well on Sunday he decided he needed to desperatly pick up a letter which had arrived on Saturday - my teenage daughter told me he was coming on Sunday and told her i had told him to stay away and i am certain it wasn't that urgent....... He did come but she went outside and gave him the letter, he asked what was going on and if i didn't want him in the house - what...... did he not understand my email.......

My friends think he wants to see what i am up to and that because he is wallowing in self pity he is gutted that i am not.... I have made it easy for him to walk away and in a lot of ways i am not sure what i would do or how i would react if he did a u turn.... that isn't the reason i am doing it unless i am kidding myself..... don't think so though, he has really hurt me and said some very blunt and hurtful things.

I have felt empowered the past couple of days AND i found out where he is completely by accident (not going to do anything but forward his mail)..... There are times when i get that sinking feeling but then i remind myself of how much i love myself again and how much i want to be in that happy place.....

On and upwards......x


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## oceansaway (May 16, 2011)

Good for you! That's what the 180 is all about......YOU! You will feel better and be able to move on if things do not work out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Oh he is totally shocked you aren't continuing to cry and beg, trust me. Be prepared for him to sniff around even more.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

They get real confused when you quit crying and start living. It's hard as hell to do, but you have to do it for your self respect and to move on with your life.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Good for you, I promise the healing comes out of time.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Debbie you are doing just great, and sound so positive. I want to be you! (in the place you are now).

I sometimes think I am the only person who does the 180 and whose ex makes no attempt what so ever to contact them. I really need some answers, but must not ask. I feel very in limbo.I know we are separted, but I broke all contact as I was so hurt, butnow I am climbing the walls. I can't imagine at present the 180 making me stronger, just need to have faith in myself.

Keep strong Debbie.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Debbie...:smthumbup:

Good for you! Keep going forward with that.

Rein, hang in there. It will pass. Work on getting yourself well both physically and emotionally.

When my W walked out on me (after 36 yrs) I knew it was over, she made that perfectly clear, so I had already resigned to the fact that there was no hope for our marriage. So I figured, what the heck, I will have to do things to make myself better and I started working on a partial 180. Well, I thought the reason she left me was so she could be a happier person; it appears that she is pissed now that I am working on improving myself and have made great strides in doing that. Am I missing something? Why is she so vindictive now towards me? I gave her what she asked for, I let her go freelly and willingly to seek out happiness and she appeared to be happier for a while. I never begged, or groveled; I just held her hand and said that I was sorry for us but that I understood. So why then does she look so mad now??? WTF, did I miss something? Is this what the 180's intent is? :scratchhead:

hehehehehe. Actually - :rofl:

I wonder what would happen if she saw me on date soon.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Brighterlight I think you were amazing after 36 years to behave in that manner. I don't think i could have been so gracious.
have you got someone in mind for a date-might be a plan

My job is pretty physical anyway, so my leisure time needs to be relaxing. Just cameback from seeing the film 'Life in a day', it was a great film and cheered me up a bit.

I made lots of changes on myself in the 7 months before my husband left, things which he said he was unhappy with. They were changes which I agreed needed to change and have made me a nicer person. I am maintaining those. 

I do feel a bit stronger today, and have to work Sat and Sun . H coming to fetch my daughter sun evening, I may try to be out so I don't get anxious or unhappy.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

reindeer said:


> Debbie you are doing just great, and sound so positive. I want to be you! (in the place you are now).
> 
> I sometimes think I am the only person who does the 180 and whose ex makes no attempt what so ever to contact them. I really need some answers, but must not ask. I feel very in limbo.I know we are separted, but I broke all contact as I was so hurt, butnow I am climbing the walls. I can't imagine at present the 180 making me stronger, just need to have faith in myself.
> 
> Keep strong Debbie.


You are NOT the only one. I think stbx is relieved I'm not talking to him. I'm having a really hard time this morning. I want to unblock him on AIM and see if he talks to me-which I know he won't.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Good for you! I know it's hard, but you really are doing the right thing to help you heal. 
If you continue on this path, no matter what happens, you'll be a better person because of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Thanks stair, it is good to know it is not just me then. DG I am trusting your advice:smthumbup: You must be 11 or 12 days no contact now?


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

It is 13 days of no contact. Technically, I did contact him to inform him he has a lot of mail here but that's it. But no contact about missing him or loving him, etc. In other words, pursuing. Even though it's been hard, it has also made me feel better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

I still occassionaly text him to say wish you were here and stuff like that, especially when both kids are home and he is not. He still has not told his Mom that he is getting divorced. When I told him last week no contact, he sent me an email or text every day. No clue what is going on right now. We were supposed to meet today to tak about separating our stuff and moving on with the D, but he just came, cut the grass and left without seeing me or saying anything about it. My IC says don't worry about it, just do my thing and let him do his. Maybe that is kind of 180, cause I have been pushing him to make his moves.


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