# I could really use some advice



## HowToMoveOn? (Apr 25, 2010)

I think I've figured out the root of my anxiety, and why I can't trust my husband for the life of me. I know that I need to talk to my husband about it, and my doctor has given me my opening line of " can in a marriage, a problem be only one persons problem? " I can see all the reasons why my anxiety was at its worst, and I can see why I look at him now and don't like what i see, but I'm completely afraid to bring this subject up. I', afraid my thoughts will get all muddled up, I'm afraid that I will come across as putting all the blame on him, I'm afraid he will take it as an attack, I'm afraid he will not consider the seriousness of the situation, and mostly I'm afraid of the conclusion I'll have to make after we have this conversation. 

How do you bring up a subject that may in fact be the end to your marriage, even if it's not what you want?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

when you say it may be the end to your marriage, is that because you are afraid when you say these things out loud, your spouse will end it, or because once you voice these fears, you will?
I bet you husband has his own ideas about your anxiety, and hearing it from you may be helpful. You mentioned "your doctor". Could your husband go with you and then you could have the conversation with the doctor present?


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## HowToMoveOn? (Apr 25, 2010)

I meant that it will end our marriage by default. We both have to work on it, not just me. The biggest problem of all is that he thinks that it IS just me, he has matured enough in our marriage that i can see the change but he still has a lot more growing up to do. And my anxiety will continue, no matter how much medication i get put on or how many doctors I go to. The root of my anxiety is him and how we value our marriage, and how I value my marriage is obviously completely different from his. He has a "single man's" mentality if that makes sense. I am now in cognitive behavior therapy and the doctor has really told me that my anxiety is based on my environment (marriage and in laws mostly), and I have brought my husband into other appointments with other doctors, to help explain these issues to him. He talks the talk, but when we get home it's a completely different attitude.
Same goes for marriage counseling, I have been told we would benefit from it immensely and he has told ppl we would go, even went as far as saying he will set it up. When it comes time to it, he has every reason or excuse not to go. So I have chosen to get help for my own sanity and after 5 years i feel like it's a loosing battle, I'm tired of being the only one who had to make changes and has to work on "our" problems


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

You be strong.
Marriage is supposed to be an "us" endeavor. You deserve to be happy and appreciated for the person you are. Goodness, if your marriage is the source of your anxiety, it is time for changes and if he is not willing to make the changes, you must. It is not easy. More anxiety will arrive with a slightly different face. It will get better and you will be ok. Taking charge of your life is always a good thing.


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## M2lngha1 (Jul 26, 2012)

HowToMoveOn? said:


> I think I've figured out the root of my anxiety, and why I can't trust my husband for the life of me. I know that I need to talk to my husband about it, and my doctor has given me my opening line of " can in a marriage, a problem be only one persons problem? " I can see all the reasons why my anxiety was at its worst, and I can see why I look at him now and don't like what i see, but I'm completely afraid to bring this subject up. I', afraid my thoughts will get all muddled up, I'm afraid that I will come across as putting all the blame on him, I'm afraid he will take it as an attack, I'm afraid he will not consider the seriousness of the situation, and mostly I'm afraid of the conclusion I'll have to make after we have this conversation.
> 
> How do you bring up a subject that may in fact be the end to your marriage, even if it's not what you want?


You're afraid you thoughts will get all muffled once you begin to express yourself, right? I suggest you take some private time, grab a pen and paper and begin to make a list of all of the concerns you have with him, follow up your concerns with how you feel, exactly how you feel, and then follow up that with some possible solutions you see that could possibly help resolve those issues. But before you bring any of these issues up with him you need to first let him know how you feel about him, if you still love him or not, he needs to know HOW you feel about him more than anything else! If he knows that you're bringing all this up to him based on your love for him and the marriage then he is placed in a more "open" position to hear your concerns! To start off this conversation with accusations, or things that may come off as a verbal attack on his manhood will only result in your worse fear, the end of the relationship.


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## HowToMoveOn? (Apr 25, 2010)

Thank you M2ingha1, I definately need to do just that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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