# 2 months later and need more help



## marieamy (Oct 27, 2015)

I posted a few months ago about my husband of almost 2 years who dropped that he wants a divorce on me. Now that it's been 2 months - he seems happier but still says he "isnt connected" to me. 

I am worried now that he is emotionally cheating on me. He talks to his boss, A LOT. Has said things like " she's fun to talk with" he offered to go house hunting with her, and just recently he offered to have appliances that are hers delivered to our house and held here until her place is ready. I told him it wasn't appropriate to go house hunting with her and straight up asked him if he liked her and was interested in her - since then he doesn't say much about her. 

We are both 25. Met in college, been together for 5 years. Work at the same company (so I know his boss pretty well). I am higher up then him and it this started when I got promoted. We don't have kids. On the outside we have the perfect life. Met in college, graduated, got good paying FT jobs, bought a house, bought new cars. Etc. 

I am just at a loss. Everytime we talk he says "I love you but I don't think I am in love with you anymore" or "It's just not the same anymore" or "I don't know if I can reconnect with you".

Please help...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

marieamy said:


> I am just at a loss. Everytime we talk he says "I love you but I don't think I am in love with you anymore" or "It's just not the same anymore" or "I don't know if I can reconnect with you".


Do you have a time frame at which "I don't think I am in love with you" or "I don't know if I can reconnect with you" just isn't acceptable anymore? It just sounds like he is dragging you along, and will always have these to fall back on.

Honestly, I don't know if I could be with someone (at least in terms of marriage or a serious relationship) who would tell me they don't think they are in love with me. This may sound blunt but you are young and don't have kids, may be time to just cut your losses and focus on yourself a bit.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You are in limbo with him holding all the power. Do you want out of limbo? Tell him to sh!t or get off the pot because you're tired of waiting for him to get his head out of his azz. 

Walk right up to his boss and tell her that you're sorry but your home is not a storage facility so you will not be able to accommodate her appliances. But, you have a spare husband if she's looking for one.

You're higher up than him so he wants to level the playing field by sucking up to his boss hoping her halo will cover him too.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm sorry but it's my strong feeling he is cheating on you, even if just emotionally. In many ways, emotional cheating can be worse.

When someone says ILYBINILWY, it means that they've found someone else. I can't remember a single case where a poster shared this and it didn't turn out that their SO was cheating. 

Even if it's all in his head, it means there's no room for you. He shut up because he's realized it's inappropriate and that you're "on" to him. Now he'll take it underground.

I'd move on, but not before calling his boss and telling her she needs to pick up her appliances soon or they're going to good will.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

emotionally cheating IS cheating. You need to either work it out or move on. If he can't commit to you, then move on and save yourself the future heart ache.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Do everything in your power to get evidence that they are having an affair....If that is the case, you pretty much own both of them....If you went to H.R. with ant real evidence, they would both be fired, and you could pretty much write your own ticket....


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

He is walking all over you and disrespecting you and your marriage. If you think he has toned things down with the boss because of your questioning him you are wrong, he has just gone under cover (or under covers) and is being more discreet. 

Here's the truth as I see it, he has fallen out of love with you, he isn't happy with his current life and wants out but isn't man enough to pull the plug himself. So he tells you he doesn't love you, he flaunts another woman in your face, he wants YOU to ask for a divorce, he wants YOU to be the heavy and end the relationship. 

Actions speak louder than words, but his words are speaking pretty loudly, he has said he doesn't love you, and he has shown you he wants to spend time with another woman. I don't see how you go forward from this, it sucks to have to face the truth but you can't force him to re fall in love with you, and you deserve a husband that loves you.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I hate to say this as well, but I actually think your H is doing you a favor. You have known him for 5 years, married for 2. In the grand scheme of things you haven't invested a whole lot of time into this marriage/relationship, so you now have an out at probably a better point in your life than 5-10yrs+ down the road. In less than 2 years of marriage your H has mentioned divorce and told you he doesn't think he is in love with you, things are only going to get worse since it sounds like he clearly wants out.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

ellisredding said:


> i hate to say this as well, but i actually think your h is doing you a favor. You have known him for 5 years, married for 2. In the grand scheme of things you haven't invested a whole lot of time into this marriage/relationship, so you now have an out at probably a better point in your lift than 5-10yrs+ down the road. In less than 2 years of marriage your h has mentioned divorce and told you he doesn't think he is in love with you, things are only going to get worse since it sounds like he clearly wants out.


agreed! Bail on this dude pronto and thank god every day you never had kids with him!!!!!!!!! Dude


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## rich84 (Mar 30, 2015)

What a gift he's given you before you had kids, while you're still well in your prime. He's shown you his true colors. Don't walk - RUN - to a lawyer to find out how this will affect you. Pull the 180 on him. Stop having sex with him. Maintain your self respect. Hit the gym. Do things for you. Work on who you want to be as a self-sustaining individual. 

The house, cars, etc. are bull****. Get out from under that baggage and right size your life. Mentally prepare yourself for independence. You deserve a lot better, and you know it. 

He is having at least an emotional affair with this boss lady. He's told you straight up that he's not in love with you. Why would you want to stay married to someone who doesn't love you and puts others before you? Let her have him. 


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Who says she wants him??!


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

another man boy. where do they all come from........? Geeesssh!


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## rich84 (Mar 30, 2015)

JohnA said:


> Who says she wants him??!



No self-respecting leader would accept such adoration and doting attention from a subordinate unless they were enjoying the attention. She definitely wants him - for something. It may just be ego-kibbles and a place to store her sh!t, but she wants him. 


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Hi Rich84,

You made my point, the one thing she does not want him for is a intimate relationship. She is bringing out the beta obiter in him.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

marieamy said:


> I posted a few months ago about my husband of almost 2 years who dropped that he wants a divorce on me. Now that it's been 2 months - he seems happier but still says he "isnt connected" to me.
> 
> I am worried now that he is emotionally cheating on me. He talks to his boss, A LOT. Has said things like " she's fun to talk with" he offered to go house hunting with her, and just recently he offered to have appliances that are hers delivered to our house and held here until her place is ready. I told him it wasn't appropriate to go house hunting with her and straight up asked him if he liked her and was interested in her - since then he doesn't say much about her.
> 
> ...


Dump the chump.

Oh, and if his boss has a husband or boyfriend? Find a way to relay your suspicions to him.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marieamy said:


> I am just at a loss. Everytime we talk he says "I love you but I don't think I am in love with you anymore" or "It's just not the same anymore" or "I don't know if I can reconnect with you".


He is not trying to connect with you. He has put another woman between the two of you and she is blocking any ability to resolve any problems in your marriage.
I am sorry that you are facing this with your husband, but there is nothing you can personally do to resolve this. He is putting this issue off on you rather than manning up and doing what is right. He is cheating on you emotionally and probably physically as well. Is this the kind of man you want to devote your life to?
I hear all the time on TAM about calling human resources, but I doubt that ever works. Most likely they would just tell you it's a personal problem and think you were weird.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

The grass is always greener... he has it in his head that he can have it better with someone else. His foot is literally out the door. This is going to end, whether it's now or a year from now. If you start accepting this now, it will be easier for you to deal with it when he makes the final step. He's waiting for a reason/excuse he can use to make his exit seem rational, at least to him. As soon as he finds it, he's gone.


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