# Totally lost



## Francismae2019 (Apr 4, 2019)

Married 10 years, last 2 have been a constant battle of the lies about online affairs and at least one with a female co worker. He was the opposite for first 8 years together, closest to perfect together I've ever known. He quit tobacco and went into a depression, a year later he went out of town for 9 days to work and came back a completely different person. He is obviously going through a midlife crisis. I'm so lost. V


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Unfortunately you can't change him. You probably didn't know him the way you thought you did anyway. Unless their is great trauma or brain damage I don't think anyone changes in 9 days. They just take off their mask. Even if he didn't act out he was still thinking of doing it. Though I suspect he just was good at keeping it hidden. 

It's been 2 years I think it's probably time for you to start to worry about you now. This man is not a path to happiness for you. You need to get up the courage to move on. 2 years is a long time wasted. You only get one life. 

There is not just one person for us. There will be someone else out there for you but you must be brave.

I'm sorry. But you shouldn't settle.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Francismae2019 said:


> Married 10 years, last 2 have been a constant battle of the lies about online affairs and at least one with a female co worker. He was the opposite for first 8 years together, closest to perfect together I've ever known. He quit tobacco and went into a depression, a year later he went out of town for 9 days to work and came back a completely different person. He is obviously going through a midlife crisis. I'm so lost. V


Stop making excuses for the inexcusable. He quit smoking, he's depressed, he's having a mid-life crisis, etc. etc. How many more lame excuses are you going to use to try to make it more palatable so you can stay with him?

I've been a lifelong smoker and just started my quitting journey a couple weeks ago. Amazingly enough, I haven't cheated on my husband nor do I intend to just because I'm 'depressed' because I feel deprived of my cigarettes. I do miss them but it's* no* excuse for **** behavior no matter how you slice it. Period.

He's been at it for 2 years (and probably a lot longer and you just don't know it). *Two full years of lies, gas-lighting, manipulation, deceit, betrayal, and complete disrespect.* Are you really going to try to excuse all that horrific behavior for him with the excuses you've provided? I'd think twice about that. 

I think you've only seen the tip of the iceberg with this liar. There's a whole lot more you likely don't know. Just stop making excuses for him. He did what he did and he CONTINUES to do what he does because he wants to, not because he's 'depressed.'


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Francismae2019 said:


> Married 10 years, last 2 have been a constant battle of the lies V


Hell I could stop reading right there.

I've said it before and here it goes again:

Marriage = trust (truth)

No trust = no marriage

I don't think he quit smoking as he is still blowing plenty up your ...........


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