# Surreal therapy?!



## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

I have been saying to people for the short time I have been here that the first step to recovery is acceptance and for what it is worth I still think it to be true. However I must admit I still had that last ounce of me that refused to believe that I lost to a POS she met on a video game. And for all the imaginary scenarios and what if's that kept my mind from spinning out of control I used various fictitious environments and moments from films where I was the protagonist with the both of them as the antagonist, usually with me claiming Scarlet Johanson as my mate like a boss, Steve McQueen style.

Still, reality always proved to trump this as never in a million years would I have expected to lose a spouse/GF, however toxic she may have been, this way. A video game........ WTF.

However I encountered a video that has actually help me get closure, for whatever unknown reason I have found it soothing and therapeutic. I think the link copied correctly, if not search for a video called "Interesting Ball". Warning, some moments do have triggers, especially for BH's. 

What was your odd, weird, or surreal whatever that helped you get thru your experience of Infidelity?

Interesting Ball - YouTube


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

When I was young my older first LTR girlfriend confessed to having several other lovers. The song Torn between two lovers helped me a great deal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> When I was young my older first LTR girlfriend confessed to having several other lovers. The song Torn between two lovers helped me a great deal.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What was it about the song that helped you cope?


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## Lynnie1981 (Nov 9, 2014)

I'm sorry that you're going through this. But, seriously? Over a game? I hope things workout for you.


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## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

For me there were two things. 1st. Knowing that I cheated on my wife first. 2nd was just resently when I posted my story on TAM. All the negativity I resived made me push harder to get past hers and even my infidelity


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

IIJokerII said:


> What was it about the song that helped you cope?


 It tells the story about a woman who is apologising to her husband for having a lover, how it's not his fault.

When my girlfriend told me about her other lovers I was devastated.

When I got back home I put the radio on and Torn Between Two Lovers was on the radio, and it spoke to me and it helped me a great deal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

Lynnie1981 said:


> I'm sorry that you're going through this. But, seriously? Over a game? I hope things workout for you.


Your telling me!! Me, our home, children and future have been abandoned over a guy thru a video game. It can be a damper on ones ego.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

You know Joker there are advances in society and technology and some of them are truly amazing. I, however believe that the advancements are occurring faster than our evolutionary ability to understand and cope. Our technological intellect is fastly outpacing our philosophical intellect and we are paying dearly for it.

I for one, long for a simpler time when life in general and affairs in particular were more difficult and life was more meaningful. Our advanced technology affords us too much time on our hands and although I am not a religious person I do find wisdom in the teachings of the Bible. I believe there to be intrinsic truth in the teaching "idle hands are the devils workshop". If life were more difficult and allowed for less play there would be less heartache and it would be more rewarding. Sorry for your situation brother.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

NoChoice said:


> You know Joker there are advances in society and technology and some of them are truly amazing. I, however believe that the advancements are occurring faster than our evolutionary ability to understand and cope. Our technological intellect is fastly outpacing our philosophical intellect and we are paying dearly for it.
> 
> I for one, long for a simpler time when life in general and affairs in particular were more difficult and life was more meaningful. Our advanced technology affords us too much time on our hands and although I am not a religious person I do find wisdom in the teachings of the Bible. I believe there to be intrinsic truth in the teaching "idle hands are the devils workshop". If life were more difficult and allowed for less play there would be less heartache and it would be more rewarding. Sorry for your situation brother.


Tell me about it, I remember reading famous quotes from iconic figures from the past and wondering how many of them would people accept or even understand nowadays. 

For me right now, it seems things are stranger than fiction. A year ago I was financially comfortable, enjoying the seasonal changes, getting things done with joy, spending time with the Wife, good time, seeing the kids off to school, playing with them during the weekends, Thanksgiving and X-Mas break. 

Still calling it: Marriage sucks!!!!


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

I tell you Joker what I think helped me the most was being able to let go of the control. I am a "fix it" type. I need to fix what's broken and I spent way too long thinking I could fix my wife or the situation.

When I finally came to the sobering realization that it was simply beyond my control, it helped me put things more into perspective and allowed me the privilege of not being responsible for all of life's ills. As bad as it was it was simply not anything I could control or prevent or win, as you put it. Sometimes the game is rigged. Wouldn't it be at least somewhat fulfilling to know why? It would for me.

It also helped me to look at it from the outside looking in. As you described enjoying the seasons, getting the kids off to school and so forth I started looking at the bigger picture and realized that what has changed, although monumental, wasn't really, to someone looking at me from their vantage point.

Likewise, they looked okay to me when they may have been battling cancer or complete financial ruin or whatever their particular hell was from the myriad of problems that plague mankind. I am just one of the masses that life rewards one day and kicks the **** out of the next and how I deal with it is really up to me even if the occurrence of the actual event is not. It still hurts like hell but so do a lot of others, you for instance. I'm no better than you and if you have stuff in your life then why would I be exempt? We go on for the ones we care about, sometimes even when they don't seem to care for us. Hang in there man.

ETA: One more thing, marriage doesn't suck, BAD marriages suck like a black hole.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Here's the song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmvYlJb2-bc

This happened to me in 1980, 34 years ago, the song still affects me today.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

IIJokerII said:


> Your telling me!! Me, our home, children and future have been abandoned over a guy thru a video game. It can be a damper on ones ego.


An online game was the vehicle that my wife used to connect with OM as well. It is very common now that these games seem to require lots of live voice chat and social interaction.

Btw, this song helped me out during rough times...in fact my username is from a line from this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nItNg3UroQ8


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

FormerSelf said:


> An online game was the vehicle that my wife used to connect with OM as well. It is very common now that these games seem to require lots of live voice chat and social interaction.
> 
> Btw, this song helped me out during rough times...in fact my username is from a line from this song:
> "Even When It Hurts" by Kevin Max - YouTube


How did your story end? Or did it?


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

My H would post Love songs to the OW on FB & she would always like it & make comments like I Love that song... So I made a play list of getting even or leaving songs & every thing I do I have my headphones on.. This helped me.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

Devastated an lost said:


> My H would post Love songs to the OW on FB & she would always like it & make comments like I Love that song... So I made a play list of getting even or leaving songs & every thing I do I have my headphones on.. This helped me.


Know what that's like, I used to ask my wife for years to watch Sons of Anarchy with me only to receive a negative and uninterested response, yet dumballs says how cool it is and presto it's her new favorite show.....


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

IIJokerII said:


> Know what that's like, I used to ask my wife for years to watch Sons of Anarchy with me only to receive a negative and uninterested response, yet dumballs says how cool it is and presto it's her new favorite show.....


My H has never liked Love songs either He's always been more of a heavy metal type.. Go figure!


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

IIJokerII said:


> How did your story end? Or did it?


First time, I fought for the marriage and did everything the wrong way, but got on this site and followed Love Must Be Tough...which reversed it. However, the major issues didn't get dealt with as I did poorly with setting boundaries and I was so traumatized from the EA, that I really didn;t create for myself any leverage...which allowed her to slip.

Second time, I pretty much told wife to screw herself and we were hurtling toward a divorce and I was looking forward to a new, single life...then wife's resolve broke and begged to work it out, taking the initiative to work on stuff herself. We put off the divorce, but I was still on the fence. THEN, I got cancer diagnosis last fall which basically blew everything to hell...but at the same time it seemed to have straightened her out...and she has completely performed a 180 in her attitude, outlook, and is working on her abusive past. But for a while, she was really struggling going through her EA withdrawal, and not being really there for me when I was ill at first. But she pushed through.

There are still some areas where I am reminded of the pain, but our relationship has greatly improved, so as weird as it sounds, our relationship has improved as a result of the tribulation. We seem to be making great gains as she is dealing with her PTSD finally and not sabotaging everything around her. Still, we have lots to work on...sex for example...or lack thereof...and when I say "lack" I mean NONE. Haha.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

FormerSelf said:


> First time, I fought for the marriage and did everything the wrong way, but got on this site and followed Love Must Be Tough...which reversed it. However, the major issues didn't get dealt with as I did poorly with setting boundaries and I was so traumatized from the EA, that I really didn;t create for myself any leverage...which allowed her to slip.
> 
> Second time, I pretty much told wife to screw herself and we were hurtling toward a divorce and I was looking forward to a new, single life...then wife's resolve broke and begged to work it out, taking the initiative to work on stuff herself. We put off the divorce, but I was still on the fence. THEN, I got cancer diagnosis last fall which basically blew everything to hell...but at the same time it seemed to have straightened her out...and she has completely performed a 180 in her attitude, outlook, and is working on her abusive past. But for a while, she was really struggling going through her EA withdrawal, and not being really there for me when I was ill at first. But she pushed through.
> 
> There are still some areas where I am reminded of the pain, but our relationship has greatly improved, so as weird as it sounds, our relationship has improved as a result of the tribulation. We seem to be making great gains as she is dealing with her PTSD finally and not sabotaging everything around her. Still, we have lots to work on...sex for example...or lack thereof...and when I say "lack" I mean NONE. Haha.


 Your story gives me hope, I suppose. Very similar. Thank you for sharing it.


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## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

IIJokerII said:


> Know what that's like, I used to ask my wife for years to watch Sons of Anarchy with me only to receive a negative and uninterested response, yet dumballs says how cool it is and presto it's her new favorite show.....


Hahahaha it's funny how that works. I always wanted mine to keep long hair, her response short hair loos batter on me. OM comment I like long hair on women. Walah she likes to long hair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Chicago... Felling Stronger Everyday
Foo Fighters... These Days


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