# A Story of Karma.



## Pixel (Jan 10, 2017)

There is more to my story. Isn't there always? I need to confess. Apologies for being long winded.

For those of you who didn't read my situation, I will summarize: mid thirties, no kids, 3 d-days, husband admits to EAs, gaslights and gets angry at me. Currently navigating a D. My husband was the most beautiful soul I had ever known. Lies. He's a stranger now. I'm crushed. 

Anyway. Back when I was 23, I was the other woman. I met a guy who was contracted to do some work at my office. He was 33, married with a kid. I was fresh out of school, still a little wild. Still living life in party mode. I think this appealed to him. I was younger, wilder, more free than his wife... obviously, I had no responsibility! He approached me. We hit it off. It was so easy for him. He told me he and his wife were separating. I bought it. I ate up his attention and always rationalized that it was HIS choice to be unfaithful. We texted constantly. We had sex in hotels. It went on for three years or maybe a bit more. No matter how many times both of us tried to stop it.

About two years in I got an email from him saying his wife was due to have a baby that week. They weren't separating after all. She was pregnant. That was one of the times he tried to cut it off with me. He came crawling back shortly there after, I allowed it.

At the time I didn't understand the magnitude of what I had done. I do now. While I still place the majority of the blame on his shoulders, I now see what a piece of **** I was. I'm so sorry. 

After everything I've been through with my husband I have been thinking about him and his whole family with so much regret. I Googled him. You guys, he's dead. Of a heart attack in his mid 40s. Two kids. A wife who has already been through so much (she had found out about me)... and now this. I can't wrap my head around it. 

I guess what I wanted to get through to every WS and BS out there is that I've seen both sides. I know how easy it is to get sucked into a fantasy. But everything is a choice. And life is short - what will you choose to do with your years? Will you choose to love those devoted to you fiercely with all your heart? Or will you choose to crush someone's spirit? 

Karma works in funny ways. Did I deserve what my husband did to me? I hope not, but maybe so. I don't have it in me to cheat, I know that. But maybe what I did in my youth was worse. I'm sorry


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I don't believe in karma, but i am sure you know how messed up that was. I am a believer you can wipe your guilt slate clean with a new person, given you were contrite before.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I too do not believe in karma. One of the main reasons I don't believe in it is that I've knows some pretty awful people who seem to be Teflon. Karma never seems to visit them.

You did something wrong when you were young. Since then you have learned and have changed. I don't know if you are religious. But the story of Mary Magdalene goes to mind... he how has not sinned throw the first stone. And go forth and don't sin again. These are two very important messages. Repentance and redemption are very important. If they did not exist, we would all probably just give up.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Pixel, that part of your life is past, and I trust (and can see) you're a much wiser woman than you were then. 

Just one thought comes to mind. You learned two years in that his wife was pregnant, but he'd told you from the start they were having problems. Did you not think something was fishy when in two years he had not left her? 

I don't know if I fully believe in Karma, I certainly want to, but like @EleGirl, I've known too many horrible people who seemed to get off scott-free.


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## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

Karma is superstitious nonsense. Right now, be the best person you can be.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I don't believe in Karma but I do believe that you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 
Sometimes I have seen what goes around comes around, I guess karma is a sort of 'you reap what you sow.'


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I don't believe in Karma, but I do believe in God and I believe that everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Usually to teach us, to help us grow, to give us a chance to be better before our time on Earth is up. Sounds like your experiences made you wiser, deeper, more empathetic and compassionate, maybe even more introspective. So, it is done and now you move on, free.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Karma is a lesson in understanding, not punishment... it is meant to serve awareness by example of the same experiences you give more than anything. 

It doesn't exist by anyone else's schedules, it doesn't fit anyone else's agenda.

Good things can happen to bad people just as bad things can happen to good people, Karma is not a theory of justice nor do I believe it as such, it simply does not explain everything and it was not intended to as I have come to experience and understand it.

A natural and mostly cause and effect does not feed Karma, such as poor behaviors for public laws and such, it is the intentions you have that create memories of the mistakes we made that impact us over the years and feed us regret time and time again... suffer for it, that is Karma, and one can in time transcend the offense to another by having learned empathy, knowing the pain, wishing to never inflict it on another, then taking steps to be sure to hold true to the path and eventually forgiving yourself once the truth on that path is proven.

Karma is the worlds most accurate mirror... live that reflection well.

I guess you could say I do believe in it... 

.ps 

If you have the understanding you need to be better, time to forgive yourself.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I was the OM when I was in college. I felt horrible afterwards. I know she and her husband are still happily married. I have no idea if he ever found out. Karma got me when my fiancée cheated on me. Luckily, my relationship with my wife has never suffered from cheating.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

In my mind karma is not, you do something and the same thing will one day happen to you. Karma really is just, choices have consequences, they may not come right away but they are coming. 

Karma in this case is the extra guilt has been added to the whole thing. You don't just have to deal with sadness but on top of that guilt. The sadness is hard enough, but your actions left you exposed to feeling worse. Whether you think you would cheat or not, you were a part of cheating and causing that women pain, it's good that you feel bad about that, it shows growth of character.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Wow pixel. This took courage to confess. 

I don't believe in karma, but now you know and realize the harm you caused and the pain of being on the receiving end off it. 

Bottom line cheating destroys lives.


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## Stang197 (Aug 31, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> I too do not believe in karma. One of the main reasons I don't believe in it is that I've knows some pretty awful people who seem to be Teflon. Karma never seems to visit them.
> 
> You did something wrong when you were young. Since then you have learned and have changed. I don't know if you are religious. But the story of Mary Magdalene goes to mind... he how has not sinned throw the first stone. And go forth and don't sin again. These are two very important messages. Repentance and redemption are very important. If they did not exist, we would all probably just give up.


Very true. I am not religious but these themes where the reason I took my kids to church.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

I took the brakes out of the Karma bus for the man who fathered me and helped my mom carry out an affair. 

I knew dad's boss at my old job. So one night when I was out with the old boss at a client dinner (and dad wasn't there because he was a low-level guy), I talked with him, and maybe said a few things that got my dad fired. 

After losing his job, my dad also lost whatever hell-hole he was living in. He called me several times, and left me a message, begging for help. He lost his job, his place to live, and just begged me for help. I simply laughed and hung up the phone. I still have no remorse about it either. 
I occasionally like to listen to the voicemail he left me. It helps remind me that karma is out there, like a tiger in the jungle, just waiting to pounce.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

That doesn't sound like Karma... are you sure that isn't revenge?


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> That doesn't sound like Karma... are you sure that isn't revenge?



What's the difference between Karma and revenge? 

In Karma, some 3rd party hits someone with a hammer. 
In revenge, someone directly involved hits the wrong-doer with a hammer. 

Him losing his job was revenge. 
Him losing his place of living, and begging me to move in? That was karma. 

My biggest regret in this story is that I couldn't tell the man who raised me. I would like to think he would be pleased to hear everything that happened.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

A lot of people dont seem to understand the nature of Karma.... They think of it as a entity...Much like lady justice who is an allegorical personification of the moral force in judicial system. People think of Karma as the emotional/spiritual moral force. 

In India Karma can take its bloody time to get to you. Meaning that you can be a horrible person and have a cushy happy life, but you could come back in your next life as a bug. An insect, a lowly creature that eats garbage and other bugs. 

My view of Karma is Psychological. What you put out in the world will and can come back and slap you in the face. If you hurt people well at some point those people you hurt could turn from you and or hurt you back. Or perhaps your negative choices leads to misery in the end. Karma is not a PUNISHMENT, its a consequence of ones actions. We all live and deal with consequences everyday. Its simple really, Karma is not punishment, its self imposed consequence, and sometimes Consequence hurts and pierces deeper than punishment. 

Its not about Believing in Karma, its about understanding its nature. Karma is not some mythical being that settles scores... Though sometimes I wish it was.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

The universe doesn't punish you for your bad behavior. You punish yourself if--as you have found--you have a conscience.

Yours did not develop until you had more life experiences. The man died and it had nothing to do with you.

At this point you ought to live your life well and not think of what is going on as external to your current situation.


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