# New Girlfriend and Our Child



## EmotionallyBland (Dec 11, 2015)

My "husband" and I separated at the beginning of October (possibly last week in Sept). He moved out Dec 1st. He has had a girlfriend now for over a month. She believes he moved out before Dec 1st. He was gone a week and he wanted to introduce his gf to our toddler. I said it was too soon but he'd probably do it eventually anyway. They went to a movie with the gf and her son then.
She is going over there this weekend and he says she may be there. He says as "friends" and that his gf's son would also be there. Her son has had some years to absorb his parents divorce. My girl has had a week and a half. I've asked him if he still plans to have the gf over even though I as our child's mom don't want it. I do realize I really have no say so in the end he'll do what he thinks is right. Anyway if he says yes he plans on letting her be there with our daughter there then i plan to be honest and explain it to her before she goes. Children are observant and I don't want her getting confused over what she is seeing but not being told. He may say they'll be friendly like, but he has already lied to his new gf and he told me he wasn't ready to be intimate with the new gf then two days later they had sex. So his track record is not so good. I think it is WAY too soon for her to go through this but i feel he is forcing the issue. I've also debated contacting his gf to let her know i don't agree with this and seeing if she's more reasonable than him but that is also not really my place and would open a whole can of worms i don't want to open. I'm not THAT kind of ex. I feel helpless in this situation. My poor girl...


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

Sigh.

OP - situations like this are why lawyers exist. Go and see one as soon as possible. In every jurisdiction in the country preliminary orders will prohibit this very thing.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

First of all how old is you daughter ? If she is around 12-15 then you have no wories about her.

Second thing-talk with your lawyer and ask him what can you do about this situation. You know your daughter is in emotional mess right now. 

This is all new to her. Spend your free time with her. Let her know that mom is going to be there.

Maybe try and talk with your ex-h. I dont know why you Divorced but both of you are parents and you are going to work together for your D sake.

Stay strong.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Absurdist said:


> Sigh.
> 
> OP - situations like this are why lawyers exist. Go and see one as soon as possible. In every jurisdiction in the country preliminary orders will prohibit this very thing.


Well that's not very true at all. In fact morality clauses have been removed in many jurisdictions as they've been proven to be typically be unconstitutional and high unenforceable.

I'd hate to see the OP chase something of this nature only to be a waste in fees and/or sanity.

The OP's ex is clearly not making a reasonable or good decision. But it is ultimately his to make, unfortunately.


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

Ummmm...this is the time to learn to let go. You know way too much about what is going on with your ex-- when he went to a move with gf son, when they had sex, etc. 

Thing is, you will never be able to control how he parents, whether it is good or bad. You are right when you say 'he will probably do it anyway' so just accept he may do things you dont agree with and help your child as much as possible. 

Then, just to help you, think about if you had to confer with him before every decision you made while you were taking care of your child. What if he breaks up with the gf and all of a sudden you find yourself with a new bf and want him to meet your child after six weeks? Does your ex have a right to say no i think it should be 7? 

As an aside, I do agree it is best to wait several months, but, the point is it is not really your decision (mistake) to make as long as your child is not in danger.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Absurdist said:


> Sigh.
> 
> OP - situations like this are why lawyers exist. Go and see one as soon as possible. In every jurisdiction in the country preliminary orders will prohibit this very thing.


I totally agree! Get some custody orders and arrangement regarding who is allowed in your childs life.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Agree with the others.

Don't bother going to court -- you can't control what he does as long as he is a "fit" parent (and the court's definition of fit is VERY different from what WE think is fit). A judge will basically get p*ssed off for wasting his time. Judges don't care about dates, movies, and people's sex lives.

Since your child is a toddler, I would explain it in very simple terms: "Daddy has a new lady friend. She will be at his house today when you visit." End. Period. No more discussion unless she asks.


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Oh, I really feel for you. I was gone 5 minutes and the children were introduced to his the STBX's girlfriend by 'accident' in a line at a games shop??? From there they went to a market together, her teenage son was also with her. My children weren't ready for it either. They have been hurt due to our separation and he just doesn't care. Timing isn't important. Like you, I also felt helpless. He will always do what he THINKS is right. The STBX also has sex with this girlfriend, but I don't care about him anymore. At this time, I am concentrating on my children and my life. I play the song "Somebody I Used to Know" - it helps sometimes. All the best with everything.


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Be smart said:


> First of all how old is you daughter ? If she is around 12-15 then you have no wories about her.
> 
> Second thing-talk with your lawyer and ask him what can you do about this situation. You know your daughter is in emotional mess right now.
> 
> ...


Her daughter is a toddler .


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