# What do you do, when...



## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

I'm sure I'm not alone in this... But every now and then, I just don't want or need drama or emotional pushes. Not even positive ones. Just need a few hours (or sometimes a day) of just being in my thoughts. I prefer to just get to some place where there's nobody else, not even family. 

If you need that, how do you do it? When your wife doesn't seem to get it, what do you do? 

Like, every once in a blue moon, I don't want sex, intimacy, to talk... I just want some quiet and to be alone in my head and tune everything out. Normally it's just a few hours and I manage to find some way to get away. 

What's your way of getting away?


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I do this. Because my profession can be stressing, and overflow my social cup as a way of saying, i sometimes need some alone time. Usually i just say "give me an hour babe"!

Maybe i got it easy?


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

My H just says... "I'm going to my cave"... which can mean his office, the garden, for a walk.

Like you...he doesn't do it every day and he doesn't do it for prolonged periods of time.

I know it's nothing personal... maybe remind your wife of that.

Why do you think it bothers her?


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

waiwera said:


> I know it's nothing personal... maybe remind your wife of that.
> 
> Why do you think it bothers her?


I said nothing about it bothering my wife. 

Just wondering what other people say and do. I find it awkward, for some reason.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

I ride my motorcycle.

It keeps the voices in my head to a managable level.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

I hang out in my shop, go for a walk, play in the yard, stare at the sky.

My wife doesn't mind at all. She probably likes her solitude more than me, so neither of us "seem" to ever have a problem with it.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I head way up in he hills.
There's a pine forest with some really tall fire towers.
I just climb one , relax and enjoy the view and solitude.
The wind makes a really nice,whistling sound through the pine.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Role reversal but I've found working-out straight after work means I don't need that down time to myself when I do get home. 

I seem to need that type of space more than him. It might be listening to music, strumming guitar for a little...my job is client facing and sometimes I just need to not talk to anyone for a bit after work. I just let him know that - and he recognises that time for what it is. There's still affection and consideration to him though. I don't completely switch off.

However, like I said, if I've worked out and then got home, I'm all good. It's a combination of the movement, music, and not having to talk to anyone/ just doing my thing - even if I'm with him or a friend working-out, it still has a similar effect for me, as playing guitar.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I go to the movies. Sometimes I take myself out for a taco first. Or I go to the library and take my work or reading with me and find a nook to sit in. Or go to a coffee shop that has a lounge area and do the same. Or I go for a very long walk in the woods/along the river. I've been known to run in the middle of the night. Sometimes I deliver newspapers and believe me, nobody bugs you at 3 a.m. Get in the hammock and fold the edges over me. Weed the garden, or hey, clean the bathroom (or take a long shower and shave...) Or the gym. Or I read, usually when I'm reading I can tune everything out...if I can't I move location.


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## sweaty teddy (Nov 13, 2012)

I go hunting.or shooting.


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## cowboy1 (Nov 22, 2012)

a shower and a shave . . . 

Yup, I like to " . . . " every once in a while in the shower too.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

My H goes down to his man cave.... It's his personal space. I go to a small area that I converted into my personal space. Neither of us says much about it but we both know that it means we need time away. I know when he's down there he has something on his mind and will talk about it when he is ready.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

TrustInUs said:


> My H goes down to his man cave.... It's his personal space. I go to a small area that I converted into my personal space. Neither of us says much about it but we both know that it means we need time away. I know when he's down there he has something on his mind and will talk about it when he is ready.


I have no space like that. She probably assumes I'm doing something I shouldn't, if I express wanting to be alone, hasn't ever been accommodating. If it's desperate enough, I say I have to go do something at one of my equipment sites out in the boonies. Since she doesn't have any wish to go there, it means I get to be alone. Sometimes my work there consists of making sure the door is closed or latched. Just a pretext... But, it's miserable in foul weather or scorching summer. 

Maybe I can do something like that.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

oldgeezer said:


> I have no space like that. She probably assumes I'm doing something I shouldn't, if I express wanting to be alone, hasn't ever been accommodating. If it's desperate enough, I say I have to go do something at one of my equipment sites out in the boonies. Since she doesn't have any wish to go there, it means I get to be alone. Sometimes my work there consists of making sure the door is closed or latched. Just a pretext... But, it's miserable in foul weather or scorching summer.
> 
> Maybe I can do something like that.


You should try it. Everyone needs some time alone. My space is just a small room where I read, think, or pray. I don't use it much because sometimes I literally need to get away, and my H understands. And then there are times when I just need an hour away from everything now and again.

Is there anytime at all that your wife uses time away, that has nothing to do with responsibilities, like work or kids? If so, maybe you can get her to see that sometimes you need to just be.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Our spare bedroom, I converted to the music room. I go there to play my music. Close door, plug in play and get lost in my music.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Before I got married (this time), I did tell my wife that sometimes I just need to be alone. She rarely needs that, and I don't know if she always understands it when I need it, but she respects it and backs off because of our conversation before marriage.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

It's not unreasonable to need some time alone. I wouldn't use a false pretext to go hide, just explain you want some down time to yourself. 

Hubby has his man-cave/shop. He goes in there to tinker, sometimes smoke a cigar and watch tv/movies.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

I get up at 5AM to have my quiet time.


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## trex (Oct 31, 2012)

Just being direct is best. We all need some time to ourselves and she shouldn't have any problem understanding that. Don't be abrasive about it, perhaps give her a little reassurance. 

I'd highly recommend having some of your own space that is just yours. You can even schedule in some "just me" time if you're a particularly busy couple.


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## shattered32 (Nov 19, 2012)

Into the car , out for a drive , get to the nearest highway ,stop at a roadside joint , lots of tea , smokes and just hang around there..... pink floyd might or might not be part of this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

oldgeezer said:


> I said nothing about it bothering my wife.
> 
> Just wondering what other people say and do. I find it awkward, for some reason.


The following (your words) makes it sound like part of your question is how to handle it because you wife does not seem to get it.



oldgeezer said:


> .....
> If you need that, how do you do it? When your wife doesn't seem to get it, what do you do?
> 
> .....


If your wife does not get it.. get her a copy of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". It does a very good job of explaining that most men have a need to do this... the man cave thing.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Actually my alone time is more about "I enjoy and get lost in playing my music". I'm not sure it is an intentional "I need me time". It is never a source of problem solving and I never go there to lick my wounds or sulk after an argument. I enjoy my hobby and my wife respects it.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

oldgeezer said:


> I'm sure I'm not alone in this... But every now and then, I just don't want or need drama or emotional pushes. Not even positive ones. Just need a few hours (or sometimes a day) of just being in my thoughts. I prefer to just get to some place where there's nobody else, not even family.
> 
> If you need that, how do you do it? When your wife doesn't seem to get it, what do you do?
> 
> ...


My wife knew well before we married that I require alone time; it's imperative to my well being. I can have as much, or as little, as I like.

I didn't ever think about asking for this time. It was stated as apart of the package, and it's something she can live with. If she wants to be together, but I need some space, she's pretty good at noticing what I need. She'll usually say "Oh, do you need some time alone?", and if she doesn't pick up the signals in my body language I'll just say "I want to be alone".

If you need alone time, and most people do to varying degrees, don't filter it through the context of how your wife will feel about it. She doesn't need to "get it". It's your time, so take your time.


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