# Wife does want oral..



## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

I love performing oral on my wife. It drives me and yet she doesn't want it anymore.

My saliva now makes her itch and burn down there. Even if there isn't a lot of slobbering going on. 

She used to let me shave and or trim her. Just the area I enjoy not the whole thing. 

I want to ravage her when she gets out of the shower all clean, and or join her in there. I don't ask for the favor back. I however it would be nice 

She says she never likes going oral and never has however her techniques are like she has a lot of experience. 

What is a man to do. I have suggested a dental dam etc... But nothing. 

Her lack of willingness to trim (even though she promised I could keep her trimmed because I always wear a condom so there is no mess. No chance of pregnancy at all for her... Hysterectomy) 

I am tired of holding up to my side of the bargain when she isn't willing to give me what I want. 

What is a hungry husband to do?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

It sounds like your wife isn't attracted to you. Read Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. to find out how to become attractive to her.

Good luck.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

She wants and enjoys sex... Me pleasuring her orally used to be a frequent foreplay act. 

Now she is paranoid from the saliva burning.. It doesn't happen all the time. 

She can be very paranoid and stubborn lol


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I have never heard of that area burning due to saliva, although anything is possible I suppose. Maybe it burns or itches from you trimming? Itching and burning down there sounds like another issue. Has she been checked for a yeast infection? Or something else going on that may cause itch and burn?


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

Trimming has been out of the picture for almost 2 years now. So that isn't the cause. 

She has not been checked for an infection, there are no signs of any. She smells and tastes wonderful.

*sigh*


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Do you give her stubble burn?


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> Do you give her stubble burn?


No, its not from lack of shaving my face.. She says the saliva drips down and causes her to burn. 

I just give up...


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## GinnyTonia (Jul 31, 2012)

Does the saliva burn immediately or on the subsequent hours or days? 

Sorry, OP, I've got to get a little tantrum off my chest--
This thread, among others, makes me irritated that we can't all be matched up according to desires. 
My SO and I are considering splitting up and I am NOT looking forward to trying to meet someone who is compatible with me in all these different ways. Not to mention, a case of possible (maybe unintentional) misrepresentation at the beginning of a relationship, only to be stuck deep in commitment with an unsuitable sex partner. 
What? Is that asking too much? LOL


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

The wearing a condom with your spouse when there is no risk of pregnancy has me thinking. On a call in radio show I heard it discussed whereby a married couple was using condoms. The medical expert felt it was a carry over of the guys obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) indicating a fear of physical intimacy (skin on skin). 

Could it be your wife is overly fastidious about cleanliness? Doesn't want any saliva or semen touching her skin?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Since she has had the hysterectomy, how long have you been wearing a condom? 

She no longer cares for oral and you wear a condom. Either shes become a germaphobe suddenly, or shes got something going on she doesn't want you to get. Thats what is sounds like to me anyway. 

Or next time you go to your doctor, tell them your wife doesn't care for oral because your saliva burns her and makes her itch. See if he can tell you what it could be.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> It sounds like your wife isn't attracted to you. Read (ugh) to find out how to become attractive to her.
> Good luck.


Oh stop with this. Again. 

-

OP - Burn? What is up with that? Im going to go out on a limb and say thats not normal - could be an excuse...could be medical. Bottom line is sounds like she isnt enjoying it. Face it. 

Of course - this this might make PHTlump crazy since Im challenging you on this... but you say you are holding up your end of the bargain... how so? By pleasuring yourself by giving her oral that she says she doesnt like and insisting she let you trim her?

Just curious how the relationship is outside of the bedroom before anyone could begin to suggest a 'solution' to the cunnilingus embargo.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

She could have Vaginitis. That can cause burning, itching etc. It can come from many things, such as condoms, soaps, perfumes, hot tubs, abrasions, and other irritants. Or just changes in the hormonal balance. She needs to be seen by a doctor about the itching and burning. Even if there are no signs, or smell, that does not mean she may not have something like that. Many women are allergic to condoms and things like that. If she doesn't want to get checked out just to rule out certain things, well then, that just sounds questionable to me.

Also, did she like you wearing a condom even before her hysterectomy? Or was that something she wanted you to do after that? Have you asked her if she doesn't like semen? Is it like a OCD thing maybe? If by chance semen burns her as well, that could maybe be fixed with changing some of the foods you eat.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

anotherguy said:


> Oh stop with this. Again.


Oh why do you want to go around and around on men being attractive to women? 



anotherguy said:


> OP - Burn? What is up with that? Im going to go out on a limb and say thats not normal - could be an excuse...could be medical. Bottom line is sounds like she isnt enjoying it. Face it.


I agree. Unless the OP is chewing on batteries before sex, or on some serious medications himself, his saliva should not irritate his wife. Saliva is actually soothing for many skin irritations. So I'm guessing that his wife is just making up something to make him stop.



anotherguy said:


> Of course - this this might make PHTlump crazy since Im challenging you on this... but you say you are holding up your end of the bargain... how so? By pleasuring yourself by giving her oral that she says she doesnt like and insisting she let you trim her?
> 
> Just curious how the relationship is outside of the bedroom before anyone could begin to suggest a 'solution' to the cunnilingus embargo.


It doesn't make me crazy. If this guy is beating his wife and having affairs, then I'm not surprised his wife doesn't want to please him sexually. But, I'm assuming he isn't. And, given that what he wants from his wife essentially involves her lying back and being pleasured, and she's still uninterested, maybe she's just not into him?

Of course, he could always try to ramp up the beta to 11 and see how that works for him.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

I have no idea what is going on.

She had her hyst before we got married..long before. She doesn't like the leaking that occurs from me ejaculating inside of her (She doesn't like sperm period)

Outside the bedroom...Stressful. We work together, self employed. 

The condom usage has only been the last 2 years. There has been maybe a dozen times during these years when I have not worn one.

We have been married 17 years. 

She is going through menopause (has all the symptons, she doesn't recall if she had a full hyst or if they left her ovaries. Intercourse has been painful, so that doesn't occur often. Research says lots of foreplay, the pain could be because she isn't getting naturally wet. We do use lube to help with it, her natural wetness has gone away a lot in the last year. However, when I do perform oral she gets very aroused and wet to the point where lube is not needed the entire session)

The burning and itching only occurs after oral and is not ongoing. The trimming is for my enjoyment. I love the way she looks down there, I find it sexy and beautiful, perfect in every way. I like to see it and like to feel what I am kissing and rubbing myself against. Not hair. I don't want to shave her bald. I am talking about a 1/4" or 1/8" hair down there. Not the full mons pubis area.. Just the genital region.

I have always been very generous in our sex life. We have toys, have had a lot of fun and excitement. I have always made sure I take care of her needs. 

We do kiss, cuddle and have an attraction to each other, unless she is just playing it. 

I am at a loss of what to do. I want her this way. I am not saying I want this to be the main staple of our sex life, but back in it like it was before. I miss it to the point where it is the fantasy that pushes me over the edge when she is close to finishing and I am not.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Lots of changes can occur when going through menopause. Even with itching and burning. Also, some women become more susceptible to infections due to hormonal changes in the body.

When was the last time she visited her gyno? Have you asked her to get checked out for any infections? As I mentioned earlier vaginitis/yeast infections are common. Also, yeast doesn't just live and thrive in the vagina. It can live in the mouth/tongue as well, due to bacteria.

If she is adament about it being from your saliva and that is the only time it happens, go see your doctor, and have them run tests on your saliva to see if you're carrying some form of irritant, that is making her itch and burn. Seriously if she wont get checked out, you should.

Also, has she mentioned if it burns or itches when water hits it from the shower/bath? When she uses soap does she burn or itch? Does she burn or itch when she gets wet from her ownself? Or just YOUR saliva?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

JWilliams said:


> I have no idea what is going on.
> 
> She had her hyst before we got married..long before. She doesn't like the leaking that occurs from me ejaculating inside of her (She doesn't like sperm period)
> 
> ...


shes testing you and your failing. she has some crazy notion that sex isn't important so she can dictate when how and what.

if it were me I would put my foot down and tell her that you want a satisfying sexuall relationship with my wife and if she isn't on board with that then you want out! and mean it ! if you don't then accept that this is all its going to be and will continue to go down hill.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

When I first read this about itching and burning from saliva, I thought, that's odd never heard of such a thing. So out of curiosity I looked it up. Everything I can find on that, seems to relate to either infections such as yeast, or STDs. 

This is what I would suggest. Get her to see her doctor and have tests run, if it comes back she has no issues going on such as yeast infections or STDs, then you get checked yourself by doing a simple saliva test. If yours comes back fine and no signs of anything, then maybe she is handing you an excuse and doesn't want to have oral sex anymore period. You can keep playing the guessing game or at least make a move to see what may or may not be going on.

Are you having sex with her first, then oral, or oral first?


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

Jamison said:


> When I first read this about itching and burning from saliva, I thought, that's odd never heard of such a thing. So out of curiosity I looked it up. Everything I can find on that, seems to relate to either infections such as yeast, or STDs.
> 
> This is what I would suggest. Get her to see her doctor and have tests run, if it comes back she has no issues going on such as yeast infections or STDs, then you get checked yourself by doing a simple saliva test. If yours comes back fine and no signs of anything, then maybe she is handing you an excuse and doesn't want to have oral sex anymore period. You can keep playing the guessing game or at least make a move to see what may or may not be going on.
> 
> Are you having sex with her first, then oral, or oral first?


Oral first...Some times, oral, intercourse, more oral...

She has not been to a gyno for a while. I have been working on getting her a new doc (her old one stopped practicing) and getting her in also for menupause management. 

In the mean time I will talk to my doctor (who is also leaving practice to become a medical admin) 

I want to pleasure and at the same time make sure she is comfortable with my oral fixation. 



> shes testing you and your failing. she has some crazy notion that sex isn't important so she can dictate when how and what.


I seriously doubt this. Regular sex is ok, except for the pain it causes her...So I have no idea how this notion was even brought up.

I have basically stopped asking her for anything sexually in that area and its just been vanilla sex. I don't mind vanilla sex, it is satisfying to a point. However I still want more in the bedroom.

Thanks for your help... I will see what I can do from here.

*sigh*


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Ok, I have never seen this posted here before, and thought of doing it before...so...here goes...

INGROWN HAIRS POSSIBLY?! Ingrown hairs down there are uncomfortable, ugly, and if they get bad can cause scarring...and shaving irritates them...and not shaving covers up scaring.....

I believe ALOT of women who won't allow thier men to do oral is for this EXACT reason...

I have suffered with them before. I control them with proper diet, skin care and weight management, but I have heard that can get REALLY BAD, turn into boil like things that are VERY PAINFUL...

This is the only thing I can think of, outside of the infection thing....she doesn't want you to "see" what she has going on down there...

Just a guess, but I have NEVER seen the topic discussed here and I know women suffer from them :scratchhead:


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

Funny how the female posters totally ignore his request on how to get oral...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GinnyTonia (Jul 31, 2012)

jkak said:


> Funny how the female posters totally ignore his request on how to get oral...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha! I guess I did only think about him GIVING oral considering that's what 90% of his post was about. 
Oopsy.


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## jkak (Aug 22, 2012)

GinnyTonia said:


> Ha! I guess I did only think about him GIVING oral considering that's what 90% of his post was about.
> Oopsy.


Fair point, but it's 90% as there's plenty info on him giving but he gets no oral so there's nothing to talk about in detail
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

notperfectanymore said:


> Ok, I have never seen this posted here before, and thought of doing it before...so...here goes...
> 
> INGROWN HAIRS POSSIBLY?! Ingrown hairs down there are uncomfortable, ugly, and if they get bad can cause scarring...and shaving irritates them...and not shaving covers up scaring.....


Nope... Don't want to do a complete shave...Just down to 1/8 or 1/4 inch


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

jkak said:


> Fair point, but it's 90% as there's plenty info on him giving but he gets no oral so there's nothing to talk about in detail
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me receiving oral is super rare. Not even on birthdays or anni's... lol.

I enjoy it...She has a great technique, and it is great foreplay. 

This is more about me giving it than receiving it.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

It sounds like she has sensitive skin. Human mouths are very dirty, spit is full of nasty bacterias. I bet if you were sure to brush your teeth and tongue really well, and rinse with mouth wash (and then rinse with water really well, you don't want the menthol to burn her) hopefully her skin would not be irritated after. Sex causes minute and tears in the skin anyway, coupled with the spit, that can def. a recipe for some skin irritation.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

Well.. Finally after 3 years of begging and pleading the wife has agreed to allow me to trim her. Only if I give her what she wants. But she is hasn't said what she wants yet. I'm upto doing mostly anything 

I'm just jazzed lol


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Geez... Enquiring minds need to know....


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

Yeah... So do I.. Of course it was just a tease. Now she says I can do it if I am a good boy for 30 days. 

I give up asking and dreaming. 

Sigh


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

I would venture to say the burning/itching is either an excuse or more likely a latex allergy. Sounds like a whole lot of excuses if you ask me. I think there isle to this as far as it being more a relationship problem than a sex problem for her


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## depressed dad (Jan 20, 2013)

I thought that I was the only person in the world with that problem. My wife won't let me near her. Drives me nuts.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

*Re: Re: Wife does want oral..*



happysnappy said:


> I would venture to say the burning/itching is either an excuse or more likely a latex allergy. Sounds like a whole lot of excuses if you ask me. I think there isle to this as far as it being more a relationship problem than a sex problem for her


Don't use latex. Tried out different types of lubes. Water based, silicon, half and half, and organics. Now just using standard ky. 

I know that when the 30 days are up she is going to make another excuse. 

I will remind her in 30 days and then never again. I will get over it, in time. But the fact that I would do anything for her and have, that she can make an exception and do something I enjoy about her body.


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## perfectstranger (Aug 14, 2010)

Well, I'm a little shy about posting this, but if I'm being completely honest... I'm not that into having DH down there anymore. I doubt your wife and I have the same reasons, but I guess it's possible.
I've never had any major hang ups about oral (either way), but I also just don't orgasm that way. I can enjoy it as a part of foreplay, but 9,999 times out of 1,000... that's all it is.
Unfortunately, and I love my husband dearly, the deciding factor for me is that his style just isn't mine. And I'm sure there's some other woman out there who would think his technique is amazing, but it doesn't work for me. 
I have tried to gently encourage him to change tactics, but with absolutely no improvement. He seems to be confused and distracted by subtle direction. More firm direction, for a variety of reasons, just isn't worth it to me at this point in our lives for this particular issue. Obviously that could change and I expect eventually it will: We've been together about four years and had our first wedding anniversary in November, so I believe our relationship, in and out of bed, will evolve over the years.
When we first started sleeping together, he didn't seem all that determined to perform oral, so I continue to assume that it's not *that* important to him. The bottom line is that I find it more of a turn off than a turn on and it's a sex act that, at this point, I have to rally from to get back into the mood. Particularly since I tend to feel like my husband hurries to the oral before I'm ready to be _able _to enjoy it (is that weird? I need to be turned on *before* he goes down or it's just uncomfortable). So, sexually, it's better for me to wiggle away and move on to something else. 
If my husband started making a big deal about it now, as the OP obviously has, I would certainly re-evaluate that policy. But... there's my $.02. Sorry for the embarrassing little window into my personal life, but maybe it will help someone, even if it's not the OP.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

Oh, my wife doesn't have that problem. I can get her off in minutes orally. She normally stops me for PIV. However there are times where I have made her O before going to work. It makes for a glowing and loving day.

Tomorrow is 30 days and she has agreed and promised to let me do it.

If she doesn't, there is going to be a big fight.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

I so ducking give up.... Done with this shat


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Here's an idea.

Tell her, you will place a sheet of clear plastic wrap over her vagina, so when you give her oral, no saliva, no burning, still oral like before and she can enjoy it.

What do you think?


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

I think no... My main issue now is her breaking her promises and deals about me trimming her. It's just not for oral, I love the way she looks and want a clear view. 

I spoil her and love her with all might everything. 

At first it was I will wear a condom because she didn't like the leaking or smell the next day. She can't have kids, as long as I can trim her. 

I don't beg her for any oral, I want to please her in every way and do my hardest out and in bed. 

It just disappoints me the one thing I love and desire she isn't willing to do for me.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Something I have learned is to spit out the Copenhagen before performing oral.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm sorry. I have the opposite problem. It really sucks. I don't know why people don't care that they are hurting their spouse with their denials when it would be so damn easy to just do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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