# Dealing with a sharp tongue



## Hammond_B3

How do you men out there handle a wife that has a sharp tongue? I have a great relationship with my wife and we share good conversation, although she is very quick with snarky statements as her first response to me. After the first sentence she calms down, maybe after seeing the shock on my face, but her initial comment can cut me to the quick. I've talked her about it and I'm convinced she doesn't know she is doing it at the time. Along the same line she can really let me have it over any type of accident or spillage or whatever. The other day she dropped something and broke it. I made a comment to her that "I'm sure glad you are the one that broke that. If it had been me you would be ripping me for it forever". I got a very embarrassed look from her because she knew that was true.


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## treyvion

Hammond_B3 said:


> How do you men out there handle a wife that has a sharp tongue? I have a great relationship with my wife and we share good conversation, although she is very quick with snarky statements as her first response to me. After the first sentence she calms down, maybe after seeing the shock on my face, but her initial comment can cut me to the quick. I've talked her about it and I'm convinced she doesn't know she is doing it at the time. Along the same line she can really let me have it over any type of accident or spillage or whatever. The other day she dropped something and broke it. I made a comment to her that "I'm sure glad you are the one that broke that. If it had been me you would be ripping me for it forever". I got a very embarrassed look from her because she knew that was true.


There wasn't really a way to come back against a sharp tongue. However there are ways to get them to not want to do it.

See one who does this to you feels they are 110% right, and if you complain it makes the feel superior.

So while this isn't biblical or moral advice, I found one way to get them to see what they are doing is to have someone do them back or do it yourself. Also you can choose not to be around them so often.

They lash at you like this for the strong draws of attention it takes from you and gives to them, alot of times they don't even know this is the underlying reason...


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## Misty Blue

That is so me. 

I have a stressful job, a crazy schedule with kids, and my mother did this also.

Yes, it comes out before I know it. I am also peri-menapausal, so that makes it worse. Everything is irritating...when I'm not a b***h, I'm a crying mess over stupid stuff.

Since you have identified that it is not intentional, perhaps you should try to develop a little thicker skin. It may just be who she is.


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## treyvion

Misty Blue said:


> That is so me.
> 
> I have a stressful job, a crazy schedule with kids, and my mother did this also.
> 
> Yes, it comes out before I know it. I am also peri-menapausal, so that makes it worse. Everything is irritating...when I'm not a b***h, I'm a crying mess over stupid stuff.
> 
> Since you have identified that it is not intentional, perhaps you should try to develop a little thicker skin. It may just be who she is.


For serious tongue lashers and acter outers, you might not be able to "take it", because it may be too much of a degredation and distraction on your life.

Plus the ones who do it are perfect in their ability to humiliate you in front of others, killing any social penetration you may have had before them.

We call them "man eaters". If you choose to stay, you may choose to be busy, and productive and outside and away often. That way when you are around she might miss you and want to be nice.


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## ScarletBegonias

I don't know what to suggest for this issue. I just wanted to say I have a tendency to be sharp without realizing it. My mother is that way too and that's probably where I picked it up. 

DH doesn't get it too badly from me. At the beginning I was pretty bad about it and he'd do a full stop and say something like "It's a d**k move to talk to me like that." I never cut him down or anything. Just my responses were irritable if he wasn't getting what I was saying or if he had a slow reaction to something. 
I was humiliated by my tone and worked really hard to fix it.Now it's second nature with him for the most part. Unless I'm hormonal. 

It does hurt and she absolutely needs to constantly remind herself to breathe and think before she gives a snap response.


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## Almostrecovered

I guess blow jobs are out of the question with a sharp tongue


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## VermisciousKnid

This is from one of your responses in another thread:



Hammond_B3 said:


> Worried1234, I feel for you. I'm in a somewhat similar circumstance. My wife has been texting, emailing and talking with a "guy friend" for a long time and makes light of it even though she knows it bothers me. For you she says he's gay and for me it is, "He's a devout Catholic and suffers from ED." It bugs the $h!t out of me that she would know he has ED. That's not the sort of thing marrieds "friends" should be sharing with each other. After some investigation I find the guy subscribes to multiple porn sites where the women look like and are built just like my wife and he also subscribes to several adult dating sites. There's a lot more to my story, but I won't go into it because this post is about you. All I will say is that in my scenario I handled everything completely wrong. You will get a lot of advise on TAM, some helpful and some not. Just think it through before taking action. You mentioned praying about it, so I will also keep your situation in my prayers as well.


Your wife doesn't respect you. This has nothing to do with her personality.


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## treyvion

Almostrecovered said:


> I guess blow jobs are out of the question with a sharp tongue


It's actually a good idea to keep that position when the tongue gets too sharp.


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## treyvion

VermisciousKnid said:


> This is from one of your responses in another thread:
> 
> 
> 
> Your wife doesn't respect you. This has nothing to do with her personality.


Some don't respect anyone then, because they will do anyone.


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## Misty Blue

VermisciousKnid said:


> This is from one of your responses in another thread:
> 
> 
> 
> Your wife doesn't respect you. This has nothing to do with her personality.




Respect is earned, even in marriage.

He complains about one sentence of snark and her choice of a friend that "he" doesn't approve of.

Is he nagging her over her friend, does he repeatedly do stuff to irritate her (my Sig Other constantly uses the new white towels after working in the garage, and yes it makes me more than a bit snarky since I have asked him not to do so).

There are always two or more sides to everything. Maybe he is thin-skinned and whiney. Maybe she is a b***h. 

Maybe they both have bad days like most other humans.


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## unbelievable

It was her parents' job to teach her manners and civility. It's your job to teach her what you will and won't tolerate. If she wants to talk ugly she can do so in an empty room. In my wife's family, it's customary to ridicule and belittle one another. I wasn't raised that way, don't do it to others and I won't tolerate it. I just told my wife that I have the patience of Job but I draw the line at civility. We can treat each other with mutual respect or we just won't play. She can communicate like an adult or she can talk to herself.


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## unbelievable

Nobody has to "earn" the right to be treated with human respect. People with decent raising just do so because they are civilized and weren't raised by wolves. This woman doesn't run her ugly mouth to her boss or customers at work. I doubt seriously that she does so to strangers or she'd be an assault victim. There are penalties in the civilized world for wearing one's butt for a hat. If someone treats their spouse with serial disrespect it is because there are no penalties against that kind of behavior.


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## Misty Blue

Is she normally high-strung? What was her mother like? What about her job? Is it stressful? Do you have children?

How about an example of her snarkiness?

Are you sure you aren't over-reacting? My ex-mother-in-law couldn't handle any push back and claimed anyone who disagreed with her or pointed out an error was disrespectful. And "sassy" to her.


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## VermisciousKnid

Misty Blue said:


> Respect is earned, even in marriage.
> 
> He complains about one sentence of snark and her choice of a friend that "he" doesn't approve of.
> 
> Is he nagging her over her friend, does he repeatedly do stuff to irritate her (my Sig Other constantly uses the new white towels after working in the garage, and yes it makes me more than a bit snarky since I have asked him not to do so).
> 
> There are always two or more sides to everything. Maybe he is thin-skinned and whiney. Maybe she is a b***h.
> 
> Maybe they both have bad days like most other humans.


The problem with 'earning' respect is that some people don't respect anyone and therefore you can't earn it from them. It isn't worth knowing someone whose default position is one of disrespect. 

I believe that normal people begin relationships with mutual respect which can then be lost for whatever reason. 

So which is the OP's situation? Did he have it and then lose it? Did he never really have it to begin with? 

I think you are in the minority if you think that having a relationship with an opposite sex friend that involves sex talk is normal or respectful of one's spouse


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## Misty Blue

VermisciousKnid said:


> I think you are in the minority if you think that having a relationship with an opposite sex friend that involves sex talk is normal or respectful of one's spouse


Perhaps, but one of my best friends is a male, and I am female, and we can discuss anything, and do. 

He has been my friend since we grew up together as children.

I would take great exception to anyone who complained about it.

Not every male/female relationship ends up in bed. It is possible to be friends without benefits.


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## Hammond_B3

I think maybe some of you are over thinking this, especially based on my previous post. Those issues from my previous post have been resolved and were only mentioned in that post in providing support of someone else. I'm talking about in day to day communication, I can ask a question and get a bit of attitude in the response. That may be in tone or it may be in a somewhat condescending statement. What she says does come off as a way one might respond when under stress, but seems to happen often outside of stressful situations.

I only asked the question in hopes of getting suggestions in improving our communications, which is what I thought was one of this forums main reasons for existence. I did not expect, nor do I appreciate folks to start calling her a disrespectful Bi-och.


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## ScarletBegonias

Hammond_B3 said:


> I think maybe some of you are over thinking this, especially based on my previous post. Those issues from my previous post have been resolved and were only mentioned in that post in providing support of someone else. I'm talking about in day to day communication, I can ask a question and get a bit of attitude in the response. That may be in tone or it may be in a somewhat condescending statement. What she says does come off as a way one might respond when under stress, but seems to happen often outside of stressful situations.
> 
> I only asked the question in hopes of getting suggestions in improving our communications, which is what I thought was one of this forums main reasons for existence. I did not expect, nor do I appreciate folks to start calling her a disrespectful Bi-och.


The only way to get her to use a more reasonable tone as a habit is to call her attention to her sharp tone every time she does it. If she honestly wants to stop being sharp with you then she will be open to ideas on how to improve. 

come up with a silly "safe word" to say whenever she's sharp. It can be something funny that makes you both laugh or whatever you want. DH would choose something ridiculous like "dog fart" to say to me if I was sharp 
The point is to just make her stop and think so she starts noticing when she does this and maybe she can figure out why she does it and how to stop.


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## Chris Taylor

ScarletBegonias said:


> The only way to get her to use a more reasonable tone as a habit is to call her attention to her sharp tone every time she does it. If she honestly wants to stop being sharp with you then she will be open to ideas on how to improve.
> 
> come up with a silly "safe word" to say whenever she's sharp. It can be something funny that makes you both laugh or whatever you want. DH would choose something ridiculous like "dog fart" to say to me if I was sharp
> The point is to just make her stop and think so she starts noticing when she does this and maybe she can figure out why she does it and how to stop.


This.

As soon as she says something snarky, say "Was that comment necessary?" and look her right in the eye. Not a minute later, not even 15 seconds later. Immediately. Dogs are trained by immediate reinforcement. If a dog does something good, you don't give them a treat an hour later... the connection between doing good and a treat is lost. The same works with humans. A bad response from your wife needs to be addressed immediately. A good response, such as her helping you clean a mess you made, reinforces that her good response was appreciated.

*** The above response was not intended to imply OP's wife is a dog. ***


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## john117

Ignore her when the tone of language, volume, or comments are inappropriate.

If she continues, lash back at her twice as loudly and so on. 

Eventually she will get the message.

Ignoring her may lead to short term rages - but she will get over it. 

Don't waste your time with smart comebacks or put downs - they generally tune out other people on that mode.


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## Flying_Dutchman

If I deserve a tongue lashing, fair enough. I'll apologise if it warrants it.

If I don't deserve it I'll pull her up on it.

If she persists with an unfair rebuke I'll (verbally) rip her a new one. 

I have a low tolerance threshold for the pointless persuit of drama. I wouldn't get involved with somebody displaying an ongoing need to belittle me. It's a bad character trait.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AlphaProvider

Flying_Dutchman said:


> If I deserve a tongue lashing, fair enough. I'll apologise if it warrants it.
> 
> If I don't deserve it I'll pull her up on it.
> 
> If she persists with an unfair rebuke I'll (verbally) rip her a new one.
> 
> I have a low tolerance threshold for the pointless persuit of drama. I wouldn't get involved with somebody displaying an ongoing need to belittle me. It's a bad character trait.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Plus there's nothing to gain out of it other than perhaps they stop doing it.


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## FormerSelf

The best way I have heard to handle this problem is to imagine that you have a certain radio frequency. When your wife communicates to you in appropriate ways, then obviously you listen, interact, and respond normally. 

If, however, you wife goes off, then you just pretend that her outbursts and whatnot wasn't even on your radio frequency. Don't react or get in a shouting match, just reassert your expectations for respect by not even feeding into behavior that is beneath you. Just be cool and stare at her eye to eye...with a look of seriousness. Wait until she settles down and then continue on like nothing happened. This is not a time to be passive aggressive or be butthurt, seriously just act like nothing happened once she says sorry or quickly adjusts her attitude...this is important.

If she ramps it up, excuse yourself and let her know that you will not be addressed in this manner. If she goes off in you in public, be cool, calm, and collect. And when alone, address it firmly and calmly, "That was unacceptable. Do not do this to me again." This isn't an invitation to get in an argument. You said your peace and conversation is over, or at least until she is ready to talk with you with respect.

If she blows up a lot, just try to recognize what gets her keyed up enough to blow her top. This is called "acting out"..but normally it is precluded with building up, unless she just goes off at a moment's notice if she is the high-strung, stressed, or PTSD type. If she goes off, you don;t try to interfere, but you must set limits and convey some boundaries by being firm and serious...and letting her know that you choose not to be present when she is throwing a tantrum. When an acting out person calms down, that is when they usually start feeling sorry and sad. This is the time to talk and address what is going on. It doesn't work to appease a person acting out just as much as yelling back does.

Be consistent always...and NEVER get dragged into her tantrums. If you stay stable and calm, that will convey to her that you are being strong and secure and will help her trust you more...but if you handle her outbursts poorly, she will think you can't handle it, thus chipping away at her respect for you...and then she will be even more less inclined to treat you with respect. Not saying this scenario is fair or that you should have to deal with this, but sometimes it tough being Papa Bear.

Try it out. If after some time, she is still getting worse...then there is a deeper issue at work.


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## thatbpguy

My wife has a habit of this but I know it really isn't aimed at me so I ignore it. Once in a while if it seems personal I'll call her on it, but otherwise she means nothing by it.


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## lucy999

I admit that when I argue, I have a sharp tongue and am pretty quick with one-line zings that bite. I am not proud of this trait.

I am currently a work in progress and I owe alot to my patient BF. He's taught me alot about communication.

He calmly tells me he won't continue to discuss the issue with me if I continue to talk that way to him. He will disengage completely and leave the room.

Works every time.


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## unbelievable

If you keep getting disrespect or hostility from anyone it's because you reward it. Set your boundaries and enforce them. We teach others how to treat us. If you do not respond when she acts like a 3 year old she will soon realize that she has to communicate like an adult if she wants to talk to you.


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## GettingIt_2

Without knowing more about your dynamic and you and your wife's personalities, it's difficult to say whether this is a more a clash of communication styles/personality types, or more an issue of her lashing out at you in particular--or a combination of those things. 

I have a, um, "spirited" style of communicating with my husband that caused him a fair amount of grief over the years. 

I am outspoken, social, enjoy debate, and tend toward zingers. I'm also impatient, pretty tough-skinned, and need to work on the filter between my brain and my mouth. I have low need for affirmation. 

My husband is deliberate, reserved, avoids conflict, and formulates his thoughts carefully. He doesn't enjoy debate, and isn't very social. He prefers resolution over "agree to disagree" when it comes to our differences. 

When it comes to the advice you have received so far, I would say the path you choose depends on whether your goal is to teach your wife a lesson and express your displeasure, or to enhance your communication and intimacy. 

If its the latter, then I suggest you eschew the advice to walk away or to escalate to yelling back. For years my husband shut his mouth and walked away, and all it taught me was that he couldn't handle his wife. He couldn't step outside his discomfort at the way I was expressing myself in order to listen to what I was saying. It was highly frustrating to me, and make me lose respect for him because it was weak in my eyes. 

I am not talking about verbal abuse here. I'm talking about me getting a snarky, or saying something thoughtless, or poking fun at him in a way that was unnecessary. I absolutely think I should be held accountable when I do those things--but shutting down communication on the issue at hand is unproductive.

What worked for us was a combination of me stepping back and him stepping up. I'm not going to turn docile, but I can dial back my combative style. He's not going to become imperviours to all insult, but he has learned to hang in there and let a little more roll off his back. 

The result has been than I've come to trust him when he looks at me and says, "Enough is enough GettingIt." He at least gives me the courtesy of a warning before he emotionally withdraws and walks away. We've also learned to address the issue with humor more often than not, and that is very effective, too. 

I don't mean to hurt him or disrespect him, but my tongue does get the best of me sometimes. Shaming me or rejecting me just makes me double down, and the only lesson I get is that if he can't have it his way, he will run. When my husband used to do this, it reduced my emotional trust in him, made me see him as insecure and weak, and greatly reduced my desire for him. 

Yesteday I was full of piss and vinegar and really pushed his buttons. He was as impassive and impervious as can be, he let me have my way for a little while, and then stopped me with a look. He never once expressed anger. Shortly after he left the house on a planned errand, and I spent the next few hours in agonies of contrition. I basically threw myself at his feet when he got home. He just smiled and told me things were fine. I cannot, cannot express what it is like to have a husband who can "handle" me. He doesn't shut down, he knows how to set boundaries, and he understands that we are different people with different needs. You can be damned sure it makes me want to meet his needs every.single.day.


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## anchorwatch

I don't become the victim. I don't become defensive. That only festers contempt. I know it has more to do with the other person's anxieties than mine. I stay calm as I can. I don't elevate. I don't engage negativity with more negativity. I don't walk away and ignore it either. If possible, I'll do my best to discuss it in calm, rational terms and move on. If not I'll take a break and address it later. No dwelling on it. Finished. 

I would not point out how I could do it too, when she's in my position. Not cool.


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## jld

How about just saying, "I feel hurt when I hear that."


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## Forest

Try something along the lines of:

"Look, I felt bad about breaking it already. There's no need to make it worse -- that is, unless you have some need, or you enjoy it."

She should get what she gives.


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## RandomDude

Hammond_B3 said:


> How do you men out there handle a wife that has a sharp tongue?


I put something long and hard on it


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## WandaJ

Misty Blue said:


> That is so me.
> 
> I have a stressful job, a crazy schedule with kids, and my mother did this also.
> 
> Yes, it comes out before I know it. I am also peri-menapausal, so that makes it worse. Everything is irritating...when I'm not a b***h, I'm a crying mess over stupid stuff.
> 
> Since you have identified that it is not intentional, perhaps you should try to develop a little thicker skin. It may just be who she is.


Misty Blue, you better start working on it, instead of claiming that your partner's skin is too thin. Nothing kills good will in relationship as lack of kindness, and that's what snarkiness is.


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## Wolf1974

I agree with others saying you call them on it every single time. It looses any power to call on it after time goes on.

My GF doesn't have a sharp tounge but can have a very condescending tone at times. She also doesn't realize she is doing it and I hear her occasionally talk to her son like this. For example I will ask a question and she will say condescendingly back the answer as if I have heard the answer 100 times before. So I call her on it. I will say I'm not your child do not speak to me that way. Or I am simply asking for information can you please not be condescending in giving me the answer. 

This has made it much better. Not because she ever did it on purpose but I think it causes her brief pause to consider what she is saying and how she is saying it.


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## Kahlil Gibran

FormerSelf said:


> The best way I have heard to handle this problem is to imagine that you have a certain radio frequency. When your wife communicates to you in appropriate ways, then obviously you listen, interact, and respond normally.
> 
> If, however, you wife goes off, then you just pretend that her outbursts and whatnot wasn't even on your radio frequency. Don't react or get in a shouting match, just reassert your expectations for respect by not even feeding into behavior that is beneath you. Just be cool and stare at her eye to eye...with a look of seriousness. Wait until she settles down and then continue on like nothing happened. This is not a time to be passive aggressive or be butthurt, seriously just act like nothing happened once she says sorry or quickly adjusts her attitude...this is important.
> 
> If she ramps it up, excuse yourself and let her know that you will not be addressed in this manner. If she goes off in you in public, be cool, calm, and collect. And when alone, address it firmly and calmly, "That was unacceptable. Do not do this to me again." This isn't an invitation to get in an argument. You said your peace and conversation is over, or at least until she is ready to talk with you with respect.
> 
> If she blows up a lot, just try to recognize what gets her keyed up enough to blow her top. This is called "acting out"..but normally it is precluded with building up, unless she just goes off at a moment's notice if she is the high-strung, stressed, or PTSD type. If she goes off, you don;t try to interfere, but you must set limits and convey some boundaries by being firm and serious...and letting her know that you choose not to be present when she is throwing a tantrum. When an acting out person calms down, that is when they usually start feeling sorry and sad. This is the time to talk and address what is going on. It doesn't work to appease a person acting out just as much as yelling back does.
> 
> Be consistent always...and NEVER get dragged into her tantrums. If you stay stable and calm, that will convey to her that you are being strong and secure and will help her trust you more...but if you handle her outbursts poorly, she will think you can't handle it, thus chipping away at her respect for you...and then she will be even more less inclined to treat you with respect. Not saying this scenario is fair or that you should have to deal with this, but sometimes it tough being Papa Bear.
> 
> Try it out. If after some time, she is still getting worse...then there is a deeper issue at work.


Or, just find someone who is decent.


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## Kahlil Gibran

Wolf1974 said:


> I hear her occasionally talk to her son like this. For example I will ask a question and she will say condescendingly back the answer as if I have heard the answer 100 times before. So I call her on it. I will say I'm not your child do not speak to me that way.


That sucks for her son. He can’t even come back with the retort: “I'm not your child do not speak to me that way”.


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## WandaJ

Kahlil Gibran said:


> That sucks for her son. He can’t even come back with the retort: “I'm not your child do not speak to me that way”.


and even more, he is allowed not to know things - after all he is a child. Being condencending towards a kid sends him message that he is stupid, because he should show those things, whatever they are.


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## jaquen

I find that, in general, most people who are in any kind of relationship with you only treat you to the degree that you allow them too.

It's a lie that they "can't help it". If that's so does she talk like that to her boss? Probably not.

I think the only way to put a kibosh on this is to simply not allow it. You can't change her, but you damn sure can refuse to be on the receiving end of her constant snark and berating. Personally I find that level of disrespect unacceptable and wouldn't deal with it. If she comes at you like that stop, calmly but sternly inform her that you will not be talked to like that and that she's free to continue speaking to you when she can give you the basic courtesy due anybody, nevermind her husband. If she adjusts right then and there, awesome. And if she doesn't? Walk right away and continue on with your day until she can be a decent human being and seek you out when she's ready to communicate properly. 

Don't want to be treated like crap? Then don't.


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## Forest

jaquen said:


> I find that, in general, most people who are in any kind of relationship with you only treat you to the degree that you allow them too.
> 
> It's a lie that they "can't help it". If that's so does she talk like that to her boss? Probably not.
> 
> 
> ...Don't want to be treated like crap? Then don't.


Very good observation about talking that way to the boss. Sound advice all around.

It is so hard to remain consistent with people. Just like training dogs, consistency is everything, but we all get lazy and tired of applying the "corrections". We let things slide, then all the hard work goes out the window.

Its hard to admit that people can be just as basic as dogs when it comes to repeating bad behavior. You want to think a person wouldn't do something bad, surely. Yet so many are the "give and inch - take a mile" type.


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## EnjoliWoman

I think for those who have no other underlying issue, it's probably a learned behavior. Several here have said they learned it from their mother.

I was taught the opposite - mostly by my grandma but my mother also set the example. One person said to use a safe word and another to call her out on it immediately. I agree. In my upbringing, if my sister, myself or any of our cousins were to say something snarky or smart-alec to one another, my Grandma would simply say "That was unnecessary. No unnecessary comments."

And so to this day, I tend to use a great deal of tact and thought with my words unless I'm really pushed to my limit. And I do actually think to myself "is that necessary/add anything to your point?" before saying something. It becomes habit after a while.

So maybe the nicest way to stop that type of speech is to tell her that it comes off as dismissive, rude and hurtful and from now on you are going to remind her that such comments are unnecessary. And then simply use that phrase. It is the simple truth. Those types of comments are unnecessary. They serve no purpose besides to tear someone else down. They are not witty or amusing to the targeted individual.


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## WandaJ

EnjoliWoman said:


> So maybe the nicest way to stop that type of speech is to tell her that it comes off as dismissive, rude and hurtful and from now on you are going to remind her that such comments are unnecessary. And then simply use that phrase. It is the simple truth. Those types of comments are unnecessary. They serve no purpose besides to tear someone else down. They are not witty or amusing to the targeted individual.


Exactly!:iagree: Some confuse snarkiness with intelligence or not being cheesy.

My 9 year old daugther is a master of snarkiness. I keep working on this with her, talking, reminding her that this serves no other purpose than being mean to someone. It is uphill battle.


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## Dad&Hubby

Misty Blue said:


> That is so me.
> 
> I have a stressful job, a crazy schedule with kids, and my mother did this also.
> 
> Yes, it comes out before I know it. I am also peri-menapausal, so that makes it worse. Everything is irritating...when I'm not a b***h, I'm a crying mess over stupid stuff.
> 
> Since you have identified that it is not intentional, perhaps you should try to develop a little thicker skin. It may just be who she is.


Sometimes that's easier said than done. My wife can get nasty sometimes. I usually give her a little leeway if I know there's some real issues going on, but there's a point where it's a respect issue and something where you don't treat another human being that way...let alone your spouse.

The worst it got was she couldn't let things go for a few hours and I finally said, "I'm going out for a few hours...you need to find your calm because if you keep going like this....then I WILL START LOSING MY Sh!t". I went and hit a couple buckets of golf balls and came home to a much calmer and nicer wife. Plus we decided we needed to have sex to help her reset. :smthumbup:


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## Dad&Hubby

ScarletBegonias said:


> The only way to get her to use a more reasonable tone as a habit is to call her attention to her sharp tone every time she does it. If she honestly wants to stop being sharp with you then she will be open to ideas on how to improve.
> 
> come up with a silly "safe word" to say whenever she's sharp. It can be something funny that makes you both laugh or whatever you want. DH would choose something ridiculous like "dog fart" to say to me if I was sharp
> The point is to just make her stop and think so she starts noticing when she does this and maybe she can figure out why she does it and how to stop.


this is a great idea. If it's "innocent" and really just a personality quirk of your wife's, this would work.

I've actually mooned my wife before immediately after a really snarky response. The conversation ground to a halt, and we both started laughing. Then she giggled and apologized.

You can make points in serious ways (sometimes needed) but also in humorous ways (also sometimes needed).


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## Hammond_B3

Dad&Hubby said:


> I've actually mooned my wife before immediately after a really snarky response. The conversation ground to a halt, and we both started laughing. Then she giggled and apologized.


Thank you for the mental picture. Now I won't be able to sleep tonight.


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## Forest

This weekend is the an annual baking thing at our church. I always get called to help with the lifting, because I don't deer hunt like all the other men. (nothing against hunting, I just don't want to put forth all that time, effort and money to shoot something I don't really want to eat.)

These ladies are mostly older, and all very nice. Still, they are set in their ways, and have a bit of a pecking order. Things have to be done "just so". Watching them always cracks me up. I could never deal with the social order women impose on themselves. If the men were doing it:
"that looks like crap"
"yeah, I don't care. You wanna do it?"
"Nah, its OK"

This is their area of expertise, though. If they watched a group of men working on a car, tractor, fence, BBQ it would probably be the same.


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