# Question.



## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

I want a opinion on this. I want to see if I'm overreacting. The other day I told my wife I started getting a couple of compliments from.my co workers on me looking like I was getting in shape.. so I told her that it looks like im.finally starting to look like I work out. So she knows I been working out for a while and i always hated the fact that i was skinny. So she then says no you still look skinny are you losing weight. What do you guys think of this. I thought partners are supposed to motivate and support and not be negative .?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

If she compliments you that would confirm you are indeed getting results and then she would have to do something about her fat azz.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Dinanpower said:


> I want a opinion on this. I want to see if I'm overreacting. The other day I told my wife I started getting a couple of compliments from.my co workers on me looking like I was getting in shape.. so I told her that it looks like im.finally starting to look like I work out. So she knows I been working out for a while and i always hated the fact that i was skinny. So she then says no you still look skinny are you losing weight. What do you guys think of this. I thought partners are supposed to motivate and support and not be negative .?


Its hard to tell what her tone really was from your post. Although it may not have stroke your ego, I'm not sure it was negative either. Remember, she sees you every day, so subtle changes aren't always obvious like they are to others. 

I would have said something like, "gee thanks for the support", in a humorous, but sad tone. Just to let her know it hurt a little, but without whining. I really wouldn't make a big deal about this.


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## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> If she compliments you that would confirm you are indeed getting results and then she would have to do something about her fat azz.


But she is in shape also. She lost a lot of weight


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Dinanpower said:


> But she is in shape also. She lost a lot of weight


It could be a few reasons and none of them are positive.


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## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> It could be a few reasons and none of them are positive.


Figured . She kept saying I dont know how this is negative .


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## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Its hard to tell what her tone really was from your post. Although it may not have stroke your ego, I'm not sure it was negative either. Remember, she sees you every day, so subtle changes aren't always obvious like they are to others.
> 
> I would have said something like, "gee thanks for the support", in a humorous, but sad tone. Just to let her know it hurt a little, but without whining. I really wouldn't make a big deal about this.


Yeah I'm over it.. she felt a way cause I said she was negative and how she seems to be negative about alot I do. But I honestly think that my frustration with her is the reason why I overreacted. I barely get sex from her . She rarely affectionate. So I think that factored in


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Dinanpower said:


> Yeah I'm over it.. she felt a way cause I said she was negative and how she seems to be negative about alot I do. But I honestly think that my frustration with her is the reason why I overreacted. I barely get sex from her . She rarely affectionate. So I think that factored in


Yeah, I reread some of your older posts. Has therapy done anything for you? It really seems like your wife just isn't a loving and sexual person. It also seems like you are both only staying because of the kids. Would you agree?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Rarely affectionate and rarely get sex. I suspect when you do it’s duty sex to keep you there.
How do you want your life to be?
What are you willing to do to make your life the way you want it?


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## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Yeah, I reread some of your older posts. Has therapy done anything for you? It really seems like your wife just isn't a loving and sexual person. It also seems like you are both only staying because of the kids. Would you agree?


I know how I feel . That I'm not sure if I love her anymore . I do feel like the kids are the only thing keeping us together . Like tonight she is gonna force sex with me . She is leaving lube under my pillow and stuff . Like she is making it a forced act and almost mocking it


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Dinanpower said:


> I know how I feel . That I'm not sure if I love her anymore . I do feel like the kids are the only thing keeping us together . Like tonight she is gonna force sex with me . She is leaving lube under my pillow and stuff . Like she is making it a forced act and almost mocking it


Then don't. Just tell her you aren't up to it.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Generally women want you to stay the way you are when they meet you. They feel like if you improve yourself, then you will be able to get someone better than them.


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## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

Benbutton said:


> Then don't. Just tell her you aren't up to it.


I'm probably not going to . It's not any way to do that


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## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

Al_Bundy said:


> Generally women want you to stay the way you are when they meet you. They feel like if you improve yourself, then you will be able to get someone better than them.


I feel like she knows I want to be with her forever. But I'm starting to think I'f I really can do this


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Dinanpower said:


> I know how I feel . That I'm not sure if I love her anymore . I do feel like the kids are the only thing keeping us together . Like tonight she is gonna force sex with me . She is leaving lube under my pillow and stuff . Like she is making it a forced act and almost mocking it


you shoudl be upfront and tell her that...all of it...maybe she feels the same way...it's best to get it out into the open in order to address it, see if there is enough to savage a marriage and build upon it or look at other options.


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## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

Lostinthought61 said:


> you shoudl be upfront and tell her that...all of it...maybe she feels the same way...it's best to get it out into the open in order to address it, see if there is enough to savage a marriage and build upon it or look at other options.


Yeah im.gonna try to speak to her tonight


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Dinanpower said:


> Yeah I'm over it.. she felt a way cause I said she was negative and *how she seems to be negative about alot I do.* But I honestly think that my frustration with her is the reason why I overreacted. *I barely get sex from her . She rarely affectionate*. So I think that factored in


These are all of a piece with her negative comment, so you have bigger issues than her not complimenting you on progress. How long has this been going on? Usually a wife is a man's biggest booster as is a husband his wife's biggest booster ) no matter what. Even over mundane things. If I get a haircut the wife always comments how nice I look. Or dressed to go out it's "wow look at you!" 

So you need to dig a little deeper into the dynamic between the two of you now, find out the resentment and disrespect she is demonstrating. How did she "lose a lot of weight"? Is she hanging out with the gym rats?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I'm curious what your direct response or reaction was to her comment?


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## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> These are all of a piece with her negative comment, so you have bigger issues than her not complimenting you on progress. How long has this been going on? Usually a wife is a man's biggest booster as is a husband his wife's biggest booster ) no matter what. Even over mundane things. If I get a haircut the wife always comments how nice I look. Or dressed to go out it's "wow look at you!"
> 
> So you need to dig a little deeper into the dynamic between the two of you now, find out the resentment and disrespect she is demonstrating. How did she "lose a lot of weight"? Is she hanging out with the gym rats?


Yes I always feel like I'm boosting her up.. if I forget or dont say anything she calls me out on it . She started doing intermittent fasting


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Dinanpower said:


> I want a opinion on this. I want to see if I'm overreacting. The other day I told my wife I started getting a couple of compliments from.my co workers on me looking like I was getting in shape.. so I told her that it looks like im.finally starting to look like I work out. So she knows I been working out for a while and i always hated the fact that i was skinny. So she then says no you still look skinny are you losing weight. What do you guys think of this. I thought partners are supposed to motivate and support and not be negative .?


I'm confused about why you would bring up what other people told you about how you look, just to see what her reaction is, instead of just asking HER what SHE thinks (since that seems to be what you really wanted to know)...
That sounds like what the men on here would call a "Sh!t Test" if a woman did something similar (I'm a little unclear of what those actually are, so maybe I'm wrong).

If you have a contentious relationship with her, and she knows it, why are you passive aggressively expecting support from her...? Does she know you are unhappy with her as a partner, like you've posted here?

I'm just not sure why you would tell your partner that other people are complimenting you, and what your goal was with that.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Dinanpower said:


> I know how I feel . That I'm not sure if I love her anymore . I do feel like the kids are the only thing keeping us together . Like tonight she is gonna force sex with me . She is leaving lube under my pillow and stuff . Like she is making it a forced act and almost mocking it


Wait...one of your major problems is that you don't get enough sex with her, but now that she wants to, you aren't interested and saying she's "forcing" it with you...? 

What am I missing here...was there another post somewhere that makes this make sense??


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## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> I'm confused about why you would bring up what other people told you about how you look, just to see what her reaction is, instead of just asking HER what SHE thinks (since that seems to be what you really wanted to know)...
> That sounds like what the men on here would call a "Sh!t Test" if a woman did something similar (I'm a little unclear of what those actually are, so maybe I'm wrong).
> 
> If you have a contentious relationship with her, and she knows it, why are you passive aggressively expecting support from her...? Does she know you are unhappy with her as a partner, like you've posted here?
> ...


I honestly feel like with all the stuff that happened in the past with her mentioning an open marriage and then me finding texts on her phones with her talking to her ex on sexual type of messaging. I feel like Im.always trying to feel like if she is really into me . Like maybe I was hoping she would get me a little booster so i know how she still feels about me


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Dinanpower said:


> I honestly feel like with all the stuff that happened in the past with her mentioning an open marriage and then me finding texts on her phones with her talking to her ex on sexual type of messaging. I feel like Im.always trying to feel like if she is really into me . Like maybe I was hoping she would get me a little booster so i know how she still feels about me


Seems fairly clear she is not "into" you. Although her initiating is curious. Why was that an offer you refused?

My wife can "force" me anytime she likes. If she wants to hold me down n have her way with me that is ok too lol.


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## Dinanpower (Feb 7, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> Wait...one of your major problems is that you don't get enough sex with her, but now that she wants to, you aren't interested and saying she's "forcing" it with you...?
> 
> What am I missing here...was there another post somewhere that makes this make sense??


When I mean forcing it. Is that she doesnt really want to even talk to me right now but she is


Rus47 said:


> Seems fairly clear she is not "into" you. Although her initiating is curious. Why was that an offer you refused?
> 
> My wife can "force" me anytime she likes. If she wants to hold me down n have her way with me that is ok too lol.


I came off the wrong way. When I mean force I mean she honestly doesnt want to do anything with me or talk to me but she will just lay there and open her legs


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Dinanpower said:


> When I mean forcing it. Is that she doesnt really want to even talk to me right now but she is
> I came off the wrong way. When I mean force I mean she honestly doesnt want to do anything with me or talk to me but she will just lay there and open her legs


Ok. So showing you how little she cares for you. Why do you put up with this crap?

How about let her ex have 100% of her n go find you a new squeeze. Open the marriage up 100% as in she n you are both single now. Let her bang the ex 24/7. Gotta figure there is a reason they became exes.

Life is too short.to waste trying to win someone over who has fallen out of love with you. It ain't gonna happen.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Dinanpower said:


> … so i know how she still feels about me


Well you got it. It isn’t what you hoped for but she made it very clear how she feels about you. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

3Xnocharm said:


> Well you got it. It isn’t what you hoped for but she made it very clear how she feels about you.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


_"Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.\"_
*This^^^^^ *


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Dinanpower said:


> I honestly feel like with all the stuff that happened in the past with* her mentioning an open marriage and then me finding texts on her phones with her talking to her ex on sexual type of messaging.* I feel like Im.always trying to feel like if she is really into me . Like maybe I was hoping she would get me a little booster so i know how she still feels about me


AND


Dinanpower said:


> When I mean forcing it. Is that *she doesnt really want to even talk to me right now but she is*
> I came off the wrong way. When I mean force I mean *she honestly doesnt want to do anything with me or talk to me but she will just lay there and open her legs*


The bold tells you all you need to know. She has betrayed you, she barely speaks to you, she tells you she is available as a receptacle by placing lube under your pillow. All of these things are speaking loud and clear that she doesn't respect or love you and that she isn't into you at all.
I hope you aren't getting into shape to win her back, because this woman appears to be long gone and not worth the effort. However, please keep working out and taking good care of yourself, because it's good for you.

You sound like you have very little confidence in yourself and that you look to others to give you the confidence you need. Be who you are meant to be and forget about what others think.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Dinanpower said:


> I know how I feel . That I'm not sure if I love her anymore . I do feel like the kids are the only thing keeping us together . Like tonight she is gonna force sex with me . She is leaving lube under my pillow and stuff . Like she is making it a forced act and almost mocking it


That could go either way. One, you could rebel and not, saying negative things or you could say hey great, and put her through your paces on having her any way you want and finishing in a way uncharacteristic for you, after you really stretched her to her saying not that! But take her to her limit.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Dinanpower said:


> _*I want a opinion on this. I want to see if I'm overreacting. The other day I told my wife I started getting a couple of compliments from.my co workers on me looking like I was getting in shape.. so I told her that it looks like im.finally starting to look like I work out. So she knows I been working out for a while and i always hated the fact that i was skinny. So she then says no you still look skinny are you losing weight. *_


Come on now.

There's also the very *REAL* possibility that your friends at work were just trying to make you feel good. I've lost count over the years of how many times I've complimented someone about how "great" their new haircut looked or how "slim" they looked in that dress or how handsome they looked in that suit when none of those things were exactly true. It's just what we *do* as humans when we know a few kind words can go a long way and make someone's day.

So it's possible your coworker friends said that to you because they know you're trying to gain weight and they wanted to lift you up, and your wife was actually telling you the truth.

That IS a very real possibility is all I'm saying. Maybe your wife isn't the evil black widow spider some are making her out to be.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Maybe your wife isn't the evil black widow spider some are making her out to be.


I don't think that people are basing their opinion of the wife on her comment that he doesn't look any better. There is a lot more going on here. She is generally cold and rude to him. She lacks any affection or warmth towards her husband. Based on is description, I think there is a very real possibility that she is cheating.


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