# Low Sexual Desire with my wife



## Desperateforhelp (Jul 21, 2011)

I registered here because honestly, I dont know what to do. I would like to first say honestly that I love my wife. I truly truly do. Our relationship is great. We have only been married for 3 1/2 years. We were together for a little over 2 before we got married. My wife is also very attractive. Not overweight, and beautiful skin. I myself am not fat, but I have put on a few pounds since I got out of the service.

Ok, so heres the issue. Whenever I have sex with my wife, it starts off good when during foreplay, but once we start intercourse my penis starts to get numb. Not entirely, I can still feel it, but just as if I am not getting the sensation I know I should be getting. It becomes a struggle. Sometimes I cant even finish. Its gotten so bad now that I dread us having sex because I know its gonna be way more work then pleasure for me.

To top it all off, we are really trying to have children. Which has put us on a must have schedule. She understand I have been having issues and has tried to not pressure me with it. But no matter how relaxed i am and how respectful she is with it, I just seem to not really enjoy it at all. I do keep an erection the whole time but thats about it.

Some more details. We used to have a robust sex life the first 3 years of our relationship, but the last couple have been horrible. And its all been on me. She is always willing and loves it, but I am the one "having a headache" some nights.

The reason I know its not physical, (at least I think) is because I do still occasionally masturbate because that still feels amazing. I know some people will call me out on it, but I do love sex and I do love the sensation, and I just cant get that with my wife. So sometimes I need to do it myself.

Any help or thoughts would be great. Thanks for listening.


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## Lea2407 (Jul 14, 2011)

You mentioned that you don't have a problem when you masturbate, and you enjoy the foreplay. Do you lose sensation if your wife uses her hands or mouth on you the entire time, or is it just during intercourse?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Try a therapist who is experienced in this area. Not just any therapist. You need to sort out if thesis a mental block with her or a you've been masturbating too much thing. I think you have a block and it isn't physical. What changed in your thinking? 

Anyhow, no masturbation for you, period. Will you try that? You have no idea what this situation will do to a woman. It will destroy her. No masturbation will tell you in a lot of time. Not instantly, what it is.

Remember the feedback loop between your hand and your brain is tight. No woman can match it if that is where you derive the most pleasure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Desperateforhelp (Jul 21, 2011)

Lea2407 said:


> You mentioned that you don't have a problem when you masturbate, and you enjoy the foreplay. Do you lose sensation if your wife uses her hands or mouth on you the entire time, or is it just during intercourse?


I do enjoy her hand and mouth more then intercourse. But in my mind, Im still in that worried if its all for nothing mentality. So Its not amazing but it is better.



ClipClop said:


> Try a therapist who is experienced in this area. Not just any therapist. You need to sort out if thesis a mental block with her or a you've been masturbating too much thing. I think you have a block and it isn't physical. What changed in your thinking?
> 
> Anyhow, no masturbation for you, period. Will you try that? You have no idea what this situation will do to a woman. It will destroy her. No masturbation will tell you in a lot of time. Not instantly, what it is.
> 
> ...


I wouldnt say i masturbate "too much". Maybe once a week, or is that too much? I can try the no masturbation thing, but honestly, thats gonna be really hard. My wife works evenings about 10 hours a day. I work out of home during the week and then travel every 2 weeks for a few days around the country. So I get a lot of alone time. Its worth a shot though for us, but man if it wont be tough.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

If you enjoy your hand more that is where your problem lies. Sorry. No masturbation. Period. You hqve to have priorities and this should be one if them.

What you are describing, if she knew would wreck her sense of self as a woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lea2407 (Jul 14, 2011)

> If you enjoy your hand more that is where your problem lies. Sorry. No masturbation. Period. You hqve to have priorities and this should be one if them.
> 
> What you are describing, if she knew would wreck her sense of self as a woman.


As a woman, I have to say that if my husband enjoyed masturbation more than having sex with my, it definitely wouldn't wreck me. Now, obviously that's me. I would just ask if there was something I was doing wrong or could be doing better. 

Is your wife doing something that you just don't enjoy? Does she know exactly what you like? If not, then you need to encourage her during to let her know what feels good and what she can do to make it better. 

Could it also be that you're just going through a phase where your sex life with your wife is just boring right now? Your wife obviously sounds patient and willing to help, so have you two tried to spice things up and try new things to see if you're just needing something extra? This is especially true if you're trying to get pregnant and have to have sex on a schedule. 

I have to say that I have no idea what is considered excessive masturbation, but I definitely wouldn't think that once a week would be. :scratchhead:


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## Ticonderoga (Jul 21, 2011)

I had an experince like that with an old girlfriend. She was using a birth control suppository. This was years ago. It gave me very bad tingling during intercourse and I couldn't hang with the program. Just a thought might check into if she is using anything in that area.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I think it's your fear of having kids, the responsibility and burden of having to perform for that goal alone.

When did it start in? Is it possible it coincided with when you began trying to have kids?

I think you need to be honest with yourself about your fears in regards to this and why they exist. It could be as simple as you worry about giving up your freedom or fear you won't be a good enough father or don't want to find out your sperm is not as fertile as you think it should be.

I could also be totally off track but I'd consider exploring it. If you open up to your wife and you two figure it out together. I think in the end you feel closer to her.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

doctor- see one

impotence isn't necessarily the inability to get an erection but can also refer to maintaining one. Masturbation is usually quick and vigorous and you may not be encountering the problem there as a result. Get medically checked first and foremost, you need to at least rule that out before getting into the mental aspects of why it is happening.


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

Just a thought...if she uses vagisil, it causes numbness.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Look up inhibited ejaculation. A lot of the men with it mention numbness.

Lea, if you lived with a man with delayed ejaculation, you might feel differently. Most can get off with their hand.

I do think this is a mental block. How much of a giver ate you? Have you come to think of her pleasure over yours? In other areas of your life, are you an excessive worrier?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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