# betrayed, its long



## prettyprincesskristin (May 22, 2013)

Hello, I am Kristin, been married for almost 14 years. I got married in 1999, and everything seemed good. In 2001, I had our first baby. We were a military family and were stationed in Grand Forks, my husband had been stationed there almost 8 years when he decided his only way out of that place was to pull a remote tour in Korea. Remote meaning I could not go with much less our children. I was very skeptical because most military people that go there alone, cheat. I tried telling him that and he said " that's Army, and I am not Army' apparently infidelity only singles Air Force out. A month before he was to leave he went to a movie one that was not interesting to me so he went alone. After the movie he called me and said "Guess who I saw at Super One (store)?' I said who? He said Nicki. I was like um why would she drive 2 hours to go to the store is beyond me. And he said she wants us to be friends, I told my husband, under no circumstances, he is not to be friends with her. 
Now two days before he is scheduled to leave for Korea, starts asking about the cell phone bill and I asked why after 2 years you are now asking about it. He said because he called his friend Billy who lives in Stanton, ND and wanted to see how much the bill was. Made no sense to me, so I called Verizon and they traced the calls that were made, and it was traced to the girl. I confronted him and he denied he called her.
He left anyway. He had been gone about 7 months when randomly I found out he contacted this girl ( Nicki) in Feb 2002 as well. I was livid. He threw in my face how I talk to Charles, which is so seldom but I am the mother of his son!
He comes home on his R and R at Christmas and called me Nicki and that started a whole bad ball game.
He left a month later and we talked on the phone quite a bit. He told me he had to go to another air base in Korea for 2 weeks. Um ok like I would have cared, its your job. Out of the blue he called me like 4 times in 1 day, and my sister even thought that was unbecoming of him. A couple weeks later, I had this feeling in my stomach to look into one of his email accounts. I saw he had an email from someone I never heard of, and we didn't know as a couple. I was so gobsmacked at what I read. It was from a girl in Korea who knew his whereabouts, missed him, and wanted to see him again. He initiated contact first because I saw that too, and signed it Love and Aloha, that's how he signed things to me. I called him out on it, my sister read it as well, and because I had dial up at the time and he has DSL, he deleted it and said a terrorist wrote that email. I was devastated, I lost 40 pounds in 6 weeks because I could not eat. He denied, denied, denied. And I had to see receipts of everything access to every account, wanted to know his whereabouts. He did good for awhile and things were great. And on occasion he would look at porn on the computer so I always had to stand around to make sure of it. Then I found a separate cable bill account and had 2-3 porn movies a month over a year, he said the kids did it. Mind you, theres an access code and my kids were 5, 3 and 1 and I was always home, the movies were bought when I was sleeping. Got over that, slowly. Then we moved to Arkansas, and things were great. Been here almost 6 years. He had a brain aneurysm in 2010, so military career was over. I stood by his side through everything. I had to get a job to help with the money we lost as he got out of the military. On 2 occasions I caught him looking at porn on his computer and flipped out, he would say fine install the spyware and I did. Then yesterday, I hacked into a old account of his to discover he has a account with a adult sex dating site, I was devastated and still am. He says he did not create the account, but how did I get logged in? HMM so now spyware goes on his phone and back on all the computers because even though he says he is innocent the proof is right in my face.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

This does sound bad.

The question about the adult sex dating site. I discovered, while investigating some things my wife was doing during our separation, that she had profiles setup on two different adult dating sites. I was able to hack into them. On ONE of them, she at one point became a member and had to pay a fee and on the other, she had restricted access and really wouldn't have been able to do much of anything. So yes, it is possible to create a login and a profile and not create an account (membership).


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

He's playing you. And you are running around and snooping instead of giving him ultimatums. You are probably feeling stuck and afraid of what you will do if you don't have him (with all of the kids and everything). He probably gets a check consistently from the military and maybe some disability money, too. You feel like you need all of this, and so you need him. There is no doubt in my mind he is cheating. But he likes knowing the worst thing that is going to happen is that your are going to "flip out" and then not do anything about it. He feels secure with you but likes to play the field, too. The porn and dating sites are just other symptoms of his behavior, including lying and dodging you (for fear of you flipping out, which makes him uncomfortable).

He doesn't sound like he is in a hurry to leave. You put up with his playing (for the most part) and he can have his cake and eat it, too. He knows the money and the bills will hold you down. Where are you going to go if you leave him with all the kids and everything?

He probably believes there is nothing wrong with what he's doing. It is just a guy thing, right? Guys in the military are always cheating and running around -- it's normal, right?

You need to know what you want in the relationship and you also have to figure out what your leverage is. You don't sound like you have much leverage to me. If you were making some good money and could handle things on your own, you might have already walked.

I would suggest marriage counseling, but I doubt he would go. You could go - and it would be good because maybe they could convince him to go (they have some sneaky ways...). You married Ricky Nelson's "Traveling Man". I'm sure he loves you. But he also loves other women, too. You probably aren't very okay with that idea, but it sounds like he is, to me.

So what are you going to do?


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