# Married to Twin...please help :(



## ThirdWheel (Mar 21, 2008)

I am married to a twin and I am ready to call it quits. Sigh. Here's the skinny. My fiance, i love her more than can be described in words, just proposed to her on Valentines. I would never leave her, and she has cheated on he once already. We have been with each other for 6 years but there is a hugh problem. Her twin sister is the most important person in her life. She has openly said it to me many times in the past and I am getting fed up with her sister. I have always busted my butt to get a better paying job or position to make our live lives easier. Her twin, whom I will Call M, and M's loser boyfriend are living in my house. M has been out of a job for 2 years. She says that she is actively searching for work but gets up a 3pm and fills out like 1-2 apps every month, if that. Her idiot bf conforms and just settles for only doing the bare minimum that he has to do. I am essentially paying up my own nose so that can stay. I just convinced my girl to quite her job because it was stressing her out. I told her "Babe, i make enough so that you don't have to work. Just worry about school and stuff and junk." My girl is willing to get a job to pay for her sister to stay at my house. She says that she wants to help her but that lazy ass M does nothing but play World Of Warcraft ALL DAY. I can't separate them, I've tried and my baby was balling her eyes out. I can't see her cry. I would rather stab my self before seeing my baby cry. I would go to the ends of the universe and back for her but after 6 years I can't take this any more. I don't know why she would talk to her about it. All M and her loser bf do is give excuses and validate EVERYTHING that they do and that tricks my girl into taking their side. She is a very sweet and shy person. I feel trapped. On one hand I don't want to lose or leave her but on the other I don't want to do this anymore.I've....even thought of suicide to escape...please help me


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## mollyL (Dec 31, 2007)

Either you will go to the ends of the universe for your baby, or you won't.  As I see it, you can stop supporting four people, yourself included, or you can get your own life together. Your wife will be welcome to come along, and that's all. It's down to your wife deciding and you leaving. Good luck,


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## ThirdWheel (Mar 21, 2008)

Thank you for the reply

i wish it were that easy but like i mentioned i did try that. That's why she was crying uncontrollably. She was torn. She did not want to lose me but did not want to be separated from her twin sister. I was looking around the internet for a forum for twins to try to understand her a little better. She gave me an example that i could associate with. I once had a cat. I got him on my birthday and he disappeared on my birthday 7 years later. He was like my soul mate. It was like he looked up to me because he would mimic me and try and do everything that i did. He noticed that i would play the piano and he would push the keys when he was alone. i used to tap the door knob to let him know that i was going to open the door for him, since then he would get on two feet and tap the door knob every time that he wanted to go outside. He always wanted to try the food that i was eating, no one else. I loved him so much and was devastated when i could not find him. i searched for 4 months without loosing hope. but time was better then me and won the battle in my heart. I still cry my eyes out when i see his picture or remember things about him that i will miss until the day i die. i cried a couple of times just writing this. My girl told me that she shares a bond like what i shared with MILO. So i can see what she means...i can understand how she feels torn.


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## mollyL (Dec 31, 2007)

I still stand by what I said. What you said was you would go to the end of the universe for your baby. Well, will you or won't you? You also left, but then you let everyone back in. Well, will you or won't you? You loved your cat and lost her; so have many of us and with as much heartache. My point is that you are dissembling with yourself, you make one pronouncement and then you gainsay yourself, all in one breath. You are being taken advantage of and you are making it very easy for it to happen.


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## ThirdWheel (Mar 21, 2008)

I still stand by what i said and that is that yes i would go to the ends of the universe for there and back i never denied that. All i was saying is that after years it has been very taxing on my self to continue this path. i am not one to be stepped on very easily. I would put my foot down when M would try to separate us or get between us because she felt as though i was stealing her away. That just made the relationship between me and M very sour. She and i are both very head strong and i've gotten into fights with my girl because i am so firm. I didn't want to loose her so i eased up and did things my baby's way, the more calm and passive approach. When i get fed up with it and decide to take matters into my own hands she begs me to not do anything. She will take to M. But i FEEL as though nothing gets done.


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## ThirdWheel (Mar 21, 2008)

I do have a question for u though. What made you say that i was hiding behind a false appearance and then later say that i was stating something and then denying that statement?:scratchhead:
(dissembling ; pronouncement , gainsay)

P.s.

I went off line because one of my cats attacked the modem and killed my internet...


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## demora (Jan 22, 2008)

It sounds to me like the ultimatum needs to go out to the sister and her bf. Your wife shouldn't have to chose, but her sister needs to take responsibility for her life, as does her bf. The hard part is going to be getting your wife to see that. It's not splitting them up, it's merely encouraging her sister to do something...it doesn't have to be "you have 3 days to get out". Agree on a date, something generous so your wife won't think your goal is throw her sister out on her ear, and she will still feel like she is helping her...something like by the end of the summer, her sister needs to have stable income and be looking for her own place. By say...the end of August, she needs to be moving into her own place. 

There is no easy answer and she shouldn't have to chose between the two of you. There is no reason why she can't have both of you in her life, but she needs some perspective on how you feel and reality of what her sister is doing.


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## ThirdWheel (Mar 21, 2008)

That's is a great i idea. I'm going to have to see how i can apply that. I'll keep you all posted. :smthumbup:


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