# Husband and adult step son issues



## Sherri

Nutshell story:
I've known my husband for 10 years and have been married for the past 5 years. When I met him he had an 11 year old son living with him part time. His son and I got along great. When we got married we got full custody of his son due to his biological mothers inability to look after him. She lost all three children to all three fathers from her DUI's, house arrests, moving every few months, physical abuse from her relationships, lack of being able to hold a job down etc. It's been a rough road. Unfortunately she exposed her kids to all of her problems which didn't help the situation. 
One day his son approached me asking to live with his mother. He never approached his father at the time. I told him she wasn't able to look after him at the time but he could see her anytime he wanted. I wasn't callas about it. He was hurting that his mom was in such a mess and couldn't live with her. Unfortunately that sentence has been thrown in my face since then. He thinks that I am better than his mother. I never said that. Unfortunately my husband never sat down to talk to his son (always avoided confrontation) and this issue continued over the years. My husband has never really been a disciplinarian either. I think he's tried to over compensate for his ex wife actions and has been a friend to his son and allowed him to do whatever he wants with very little question. 
A couple of yeas went by and his son approached his dad asking him to live with his step sister and step father a mile down the road. My husband would not allow it. Needless to say the past few years have been miserable. I've put up with his son's disrespect towards me and my husbands inability to sit him down and have a father/son talk. I've grown bitter towards my husband for putting me in this situation and for his disrespect for me as a wife in general. I have voiced my concerns over the years but my husband can't/won't communicate his. He believes in sweeping it under the rug and things will resolve on their own. Nope. Bitterness has grown big time.
Last year his son turned 18 and moved out to live with his younger step sister. He no longer visits us unless I'm not around. My husband resents this and finally told me that unless his son and I become friends again so he can have a 'happy family, he will chose his son over our marriage. He has not accepted any responsibility over his involvement over the years and thinks his son MAY have been out of place but doesn't expect him to step up to the plate. All of the burden is placed on me. My husband comes from a dysfunctional family to begin with. He doesn't even talk to his father today. Maybe this has something to do with his attitude?
We have tried counseling and all my husband could complain about was that I didn't cook him meals when he comes home from work.  I'm a flight attendant working all nights and long hauls. I'm tired. When I do cook meals he usually has something negative to say so why bother? I wasn't impressed with the family counselor anyway and not sure if it was her or just counseling in general that didn't work.
I'm frustrated and annoyed. I feel like I have a noose around my neck and his adult son has all of the cards to play. I've been good to his son. Why am i the punching bag?


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