# Is this cheating?



## nolongerbetty (Jul 9, 2011)

I thought I would love this man forever and then one day I had a strange feeling something was going on. He was on the computer a lot. Too much. It just felt odd. So one night I went ahead and logged into his email account and saw that he was posting personal ads on Craigslist. Short one sentence sexual personal ads. And it was like right then and there all the romantic feelings and love I had for him just disappeared. Of course in the emails I read, nothing ever went anywhere because most of the replies are just sex ads to look at peoples websites, but on one or two occasions he had replied saying things like "lets see where this goes" so it was hardly innocent web browsing. So I told him he had to go. And in the next month he made arrangements to move out, and we arranged to share custody of our 1 year old son. He moved out the last of his things yesterday. I did a little online snooping last week and saw that while he was here for the last month, he was still doing it. He will post one for say 4-5 hours while I'm not home and he is, and just see what kind of responses he gets and then delete it. Why, I have no idea. But regardless I think it is disgusting and I want nothing to do with a man that does that. Why would I want one of his "hobbies" to be an open door to sex with another woman? What happens when he gets a response with a picture and a local phone number that ISNT a computer robot trying to get his credit card # for their sex site... what happens when its a REAL person and they are really interested. 

Every time we talk, I get upset and tell him that I can't take him back because he cheated on me. He tells me time and time again that he never cheated on me and that we can fix this, but even if he didn't physically meet anyone, or even have an emotional relationship with anyone, I think what he did was cheating. And the fact that he continued to do it despite it ruining our family. But now that I am home alone, no child, no husband, I am wondering if I am alone in thinking this. Is this cheating??? I don't think I could ever look at him the way I used to. But am I throwing my family away over something silly? 

Help???


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

He's lying. He has cheated and he has most likely been having sex with women on craiglist. I'm sorry. You are not being silly.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I think suggesting that he's moved on to cheating via a physical relationship is a bit of a stretch considering the information that was posted.

Was he cheating by putting ads on craigslist? Well, maybe, and most assuredly it was just plain stupid since I don't suspect there are many worthwhile women responding to such ads. Match.com or eharmony.com...ok, that would show some intention, but Craigslist??? Would anyone who was really serious about following through put an ad THERE?

I can't blame you for your reaction and only you have a right to set your own parameters for what is a "deal breaker" in your marriage. I would just suggest you consider that many couples have reconciled after dealing with much more than an ad in Craigslist. Give some thought to the marriage as a whole before throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Neither asking him back or asking him to stay away is an incorrect decision. Was the situation silly? No. Was it enough to ask him to leave? Only you can answer that.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I am not sure what the hit rate of single men is on craigslist is. I suspect unless your husband is a hot then he probably didn't actually do anything physical. Not for lack of trying..

Yes it is cheating. If you threw him out good for you. 

I wonder now that the anger and pain has subsided a little and he realizes that you are in serious pain if a MC session or two might be in order.If nothing else so that he can see your pain with a Counselor there.

He has been incredibly disrespectful, he hurt you and hurt you again. It would need to be a reconciliation with clear boundaries.
A tough gig. 
I would try at this stage. That is just me though.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

He IS cheating. Leave him.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I don't understand why you care what other people think with regards to whether or not other people think that this is cheating.

Beyond this, we can't really be of much help without understanding how he explained all of this and how he sees your relationship going forward from here.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

I don't think you're being silly or overreacting. Posting sex ads on craigslist? What's the next step, soliciting prostitutes? In my marriage, yes, that would be cheating...but to each their own.
The fact that he was still continuing that behavior after your discovery and in the process of him moving out, speaks volumes - at least to me. 
You're lonely know, it's much easier to stay in the same spot and not change, and maybe that's why you are rethinking things. Rather than wonder if you did the right thing, wait it out a bit. You may soon see that you did the right thing...it's just the shock of being alone that is bothering you, not necessarily him being out of the home. You're doing a brave thing, you're changing up your life.
What it boils down to, is would you like to continue to live that way? 
With a husband that posts sex ads online, while you are away? If he doesn't feel that what he has done, is cheating, then what the hell constitutes cheating?


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

fwiw I feel the bigger issue here was that he continued to do thus even after your confrontation. That lack of respect and self-control speaks volumes about his remorse and regret, and to some sort of addiction level.

I too think it's a bit of a stretch from the info you posted to conclude he's been having sex unless he's paid for it. I think some further digging (finances, cellphone records, email reading) is in order in addition to heavy MC for starters if you decide to try and make this work.

If all he's done is post some ads on craigslist, it could be worked out. I just wouldn't be so quick to assume or believe that's all there is yet... good luck.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Soliciting sex over the internet without your partner's knowledge is cheating.

Good for you for telling him to get lost.

DO get tested for STDs.


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## DG3 (Jul 13, 2011)

I just found out my husband of 16 years was posting on Craigslist and met someone. They have been having an emotional affair. He claims they have not met yet, but I'm not sure of anything right now. He has been sitting with our family, kids right next to him texting her! He doesn't think it's cheating but he is wrong, it most definately is cheating. I am going to divorce him. This behavior is just the first step. I truly hope this girl was worth losing his family over. I hope you are doing okay - please don't go back to this man. What is helping me every time I feel a little twinge of love for him is visualizing him and this girl and what they were talking about it. That love I just felt goes away quick! Best of luck.


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## SWEETP76 (Jul 13, 2011)

I recently caught my husband of 14yrs posting ads on craiglist looking for someone to sext with. Found out he's been sexting with someone we know for months now! Yes I believe this is cheating, you can no longer trust your mate! It's so unfair! Good luck!!!


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## Heartbrkn (Jun 16, 2011)

It is cheating. My wife of nearly 16 years starting exchanging texts with guy she talked to while our company was doing business with his employer, Texts lead to sexting, lead to phone calls, lead to trading videos, and then phone sex. They talked often of meeting but 630 miles and my wife being SAH mom prevented it as far as I know.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

"The simplest explanation is most likely the correct one."

If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck...


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## strongwomanof1984 (Jul 20, 2011)

Im so glad you posted this....I am CONSTANTLY having my H tell me that he has never cheated when I have caught him MULTIPLE times doing this type of thing, and he is ALWAYS makes me feel like I am dumb for even CONSIDERING it cheating because he didnt "touch" anyone else....straying is straying in my opinion, touching, talking, emailing, texting, the emotional support is for your W or SO, not strangers just because you want attention....


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## FogofmyOwn (Jul 19, 2011)

whether or not he has had physical sexual encounters, this IS cheating. 
Don't doubt yourself and do not let him make you feel that it's silly to think this isn't cheating just b/c there has been no physical contact.


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