# Red flags and denial... love is blind



## whynot (Apr 16, 2010)

I have had some immense clarity over the past few weeks, thinking back to when husband and I were still dating. Did I miss or dismiss anything bc I loved him and wanted to be with him? The answer is yes. I now remember doing some research on his computer for my divorce, I had added a page to favorites and when I went to try to find it there was a photo link as well. I clicked on it wondering what new funny thing my then boyfriend had found to make me smile. Well, it was a picture from Match.com of another girl. It turned out he still had an active account! When I asked about it, he said that he didnt pay anything to keep it active but they still sent him matches. I asked why he hadnt closed it altogether since we had been together for almost 2 years at that point.... he said he just hadnt thought about it. Then, I asked why he opend the link period and he answered he was just curious who they linked him with. SO, we didnt fight, I believed him but felt a little weary about it. A friend of ours said dont trust him, but he is a good guy. SO, I let it go. 

In retrospect, I was a dumba$$. The weird thing back then was that the next day or so... HER profile disappeared... back then I didnt think anything of that. But now after reading so many stories... I bet they were doing "something" and he had her close it, or she closed it bc I found out. Then, there was the ex girlfriend who was so "nice" to us and leaving suggestive post on his FB wall... that he didnt seem to think anything negative about until 2 years later in retrospect when he said "I wouldnt post something like that on another married woman's page." 

Last year when I found out about his daily porn viewing when he was rejecting me sexually and otherwise, he flat out lied to me and said he didnt look at porn. Then when he realised I knew and had proof, he said he did... but I looked at porn too so what was the problem. He turned it around on me. I then said... yeah, but I dont do it in place of being with you like you are doing to me. He walked away. There was no answer, there was no apology, there is no love.

I think this is why he locks down every technical communication gadget he has now. I think he could still be doing all those things. I think the ones I found out about were the tip of the iceberg... he is into freaky sex (like I am), but he only recently started acting it out again with me and minimally. WHat was he doing all those years when he wasnt acting it out with me and rejecting me? Does it even matter at this point? Do I just forgive and not forget? How do you trust someone again who overtly lies to you?


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

If the someone is STILL lying I don't think it's possible to trust again...


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## nikkipooh187 (Apr 18, 2011)

Leave!!!!! Your wasting your time!!!!


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

You are not dumb, you trusted him that's all.

You can't trust him with all the lies he is telling you.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

whynot said:


> How do you trust someone again who overtly lies to you?


So, have you confessed your affair to your husband yet?

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/12846-affair-always-destructive.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/13094-extramarital-affair-still-going-strong.html


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