# Are Women in to big guys these days?



## bandit.45

I'm terrible at coming up with titles for threads. Anyways....this is a question for the TAM ladies.

This morning I went to church for the first time in years. I joined in with the hymns, had a spiritually profitable morning, and afterwards a little elderly woman came up to me and complimented me on my singing voice. Then she said she thought I was very handsome too and wondered why I was alone. "Such a big strong man like you...I can't believe no woman has snapped you up. They don't make manly, burly men like you any more." I thanked her for the compliment and left for home. 

I appreciated the compliment....even coming from a woman who dated long ago in an entirely different era. She was probably in her late eighties. 

Given that I am thinking about plunging into the dating world again, it got me to thinking. Are there still women out there who like bigger guys like me? I'm 6'-1", 240 pounds, built like a football lineman. With the way the media has promoted lithe, athletic type guys (which I am not) are there still women out there who dig big men? Doesn't seem like it. I just want to know what my chances are and if I should even try stepping out there again.


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## EunuchMonk

I think what you are able to contribute financially and your personality (sense of humour, confidence, etc.) matter more to women than you being burly. That's just my experience. The girls I have known cared more about how I made them feel and being fit and muscular was just a bonus.

Not all women are the same, of course. Some are more visual and will want you to look a certain way but that is just some. Others would care more about the two I mentioned previously. Don't overthink it. That will immobilise you. Just relax and enjoy the good and the bad. Laugh at rejection and don't even make a big deal out of acceptance. If you accept yourself that is enough.


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## Cynthia

Not all women like the same thing. It varies greatly from woman to woman.

I'm sure you are fine the way you are and if you want to get back into dating, then do so and feel confident in who you are as a man. You will attract women who are attracted to your build.


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## southbound

bandit.45 said:


> I'm terrible at coming up with titles for threads. Anyways....this is a question for the TAM ladies.
> 
> This morning I went to church for the first time in years. I joined in with the hymns, had a spiritually profitable morning, and afterwards a little elderly woman came up to me and complimented me on my singing voice. Then she said she thought I was very handsome too and wondered why I was alone. "Such a big strong man like you...I can't believe no woman has snapped you up. They don't make manly, burly men like you any more." I thanked her for the compliment and left for home.
> 
> I appreciated the compliment....even coming from a woman who dated long ago in an entirely different era. She was probably in her late eighties.


I've gotten a lot of comments like this from older ladies over the years. It's not for being big and burly, which I'm not, but just in general. I've often thought that if I were a young man in the 1940s and 50s, I'd have women beating my door down. :grin2:


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## Alli3fire

I would absolutely be attracted to a big guy as long as he was confident. Confidence is the #1 thing women are attracted to IMO.


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## lifeistooshort

Sure, why not? Those stats sound lovely, assuming of course you don't have 40 pounds of fat hanging over your gut.

I thought when I read the title you meant fat dudes, but that doesn't sound like what you mean. 

I'm a runner but I tend to dislike runners because I dislike skinny runner bodies. I tell hb that if I think I could easily kick your arse you're not attractive to me. 


Probably sounds silly, and I am a small woman, but I also have a 2nd degree black belt, can fight quite well, and could deliver a knockout punch to a jaw. I'm pretty sure I could take down a lot of these runner guys with one hit.

How can I look at you as a strong man if I can easily kick your arse? At least make me work for it 

My hb is a runner and thin, but he isn't scrawny like many runners. He's got decent muscle structure, and one time he commented that all of the guys faster than him were skinnier so maybe he should lose some weight.

I told him that those guys weren't attractive and he was, so did he want a wife who was sexually attracted to him or to run faster?

Apparently when you put it like that it becomes clear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sixty-eight

Me! I am!
big men are just what catches my eye, always has been true for me.


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## bandit.45

I'm not "cut", I don't have 10% body fat, I'm not a gym-junkie. I lift weights at home, I jog 3 miles a day...some days I walk 5 miles. I eat sensibly and I stay away from carbs. But I have very dense, very thick, strong bones. My skeleture is massive. Which means I don't have the body architecture to be a runner or cyclist. So I hike, hunt, walk and lift free weights. 

Women seem to gravitate towards the lither guys. Even big women...women who you would think would gravitate towards big guys seem to be attracted to thin guys. It's kind of disheartening. 

So really....how important is self confidence, say compared to looks, talent or sense of humor?


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## lifeistooshort

In my opinion you don't have to be cut, only decently fit.

What kind of women do you gravitate toward? Do you have a particular type or are you open to many body types?

Are you looking for much younger or all ages? Within reason of course. 

If your preferences are narrow it could be the women you're trying for. 

Example: gym rat cut guys are often looking for much younger women of a certain body type. A decently fit not much younger woman might not be what they're looking for.

But such men are often vain and a pita to deal with anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Síocháin

I was attracted to my STBXH physically at first. At the end, he could have looked like George Clooney and it wouldn't have mattered. He was ugly on the inside. 

So, if I ever date again, I will be looking for the beauty on the inside and outside will be 2nd if at all. If you're a good man, a woman would be lucky to have you. Get out there because it only really matters what YOU think. So get that confidence going.


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## Alli3fire

How important is self confidence compared to looks? Have you ever seen a super confident not that good looking guy with a hot girl? Yup, me too.


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## sixty-eight

bandit.45 said:


> I'm not "cut", I don't have 10% body fat, I'm not a gym-junkie. I lift weights at home, I jog 3 miles a day...some days I walk 5 miles. I eat sensibly and I stay away from carbs. But I have very dense, very thick, strong bones. My skeleture is massive. Which means I don't have the body architecture to be a runner or cyclist. So I hike, hunt, walk and lift free weights.
> 
> Women seem to gravitate towards the lither guys. Even big women...women who you would think would gravitate towards big guys seem to be attracted to thin guys. It's kind of disheartening.
> 
> So really....how important is self confidence, say compared to looks, talent or sense of humor?


I think that's going to vary from woman to woman. 
I actually don't value confidence very highly. I can be shy or awkward at times, if others are the same, it makes sense to me.

I value humor and intelligence far above looks and talent. 

I'm average size and build. 5'7". But the athletic type lithe/thin/slim doesn't do anything for me. Anyone i could out wrestle or who could fit in my jeans is going to be a no.
Big guys/baritone voices turns my head every time.


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## Rowan

All the men in my family are big guys - 6'6" and up, and burly but not fat. So, growing up, that's the build I associated with manliness. I still tend to be drawn to that body type. The lithe hipster body that seems popular among the younger set these days really doesn't do much for me. I'm 40, by the way.

My SO is one of the shorter men I've dated, at 5'11, but he has the stocky, burly, build to which I seem most drawn. He's not a gym guy, but he's healthy and fit enough to not be fat, much like my own body type.


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## just got it 55

bandit.45 said:


> I'm not "cut", I don't have 10% body fat, I'm not a gym-junkie. I lift weights at home, I jog 3 miles a day...some days I walk 5 miles. I eat sensibly and I stay away from carbs. But I have very dense, very thick, strong bones. My skeleture is massive. Which means I don't have the body architecture to be a runner or cyclist. So I hike, hunt, walk and lift free weights.
> 
> Women seem to gravitate towards the lither guys. Even big women...women who you would think would gravitate towards big guys seem to be attracted to thin guys. It's kind of disheartening.
> 
> So really....how important is self confidence, say compared to looks, talent or sense of humor?


Bandit you never struck me as a man that lacked confidence

Just be R 

55


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## Red Sonja

bandit.45 said:


> Given that I am thinking about plunging into the dating world again, it got me to thinking. Are there still women out there who like bigger guys like me? I'm 6'-1", 240 pounds, built like a football lineman. With the way the media has promoted lithe, athletic type guys (which I am not) are there still women out there who dig big men? Doesn't seem like it. I just want to know what my chances are and if I should even try stepping out there again.


I am attracted to your type as long as the extra weight isn't all in the belly. I like big/tall guys, they make me (5'9" tall) feel small 

IMHO, the athletic-six-pack-ab types are nice to ogle once in a while but the first thing I think beyond that is "he spends way too much time at the gym". And, don't get me started on the younger ones who shave *everything*


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## MJJEAN

bandit.45 said:


> I'm not "cut", I don't have 10% body fat, I'm not a gym-junkie. I lift weights at home, I jog 3 miles a day...some days I walk 5 miles. I eat sensibly and I stay away from carbs. But I have very dense, very thick, strong bones. My skeleture is massive. Which means I don't have the body architecture to be a runner or cyclist. So I hike, hunt, walk and lift free weights.
> 
> Women seem to gravitate towards the lither guys. Even big women...women who you would think would gravitate towards big guys seem to be attracted to thin guys. It's kind of disheartening.
> 
> So really....how important is self confidence, say compared to looks, talent or sense of humor?


You must be hanging around the wrong area because a nice thick man is the hottest thing going!

Seriously, since I was an adolescent, I have been attracted to men built as you describe yourself. I have a couple of GF's who are into same. So, yes, there are women out there into men like you on a purely physical level. I don't care how smart, sweet, and confident a man is, if he's below a certain height and width, I am not interested.


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## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> I'm not "cut", I don't have 10% body fat, I'm not a gym-junkie. I lift weights at home, I jog 3 miles a day...some days I walk 5 miles. I eat sensibly and I stay away from carbs. But I have very dense, very thick, strong bones. My skeleture is massive. Which means I don't have the body architecture to be a runner or cyclist. So I hike, hunt, walk and lift free weights.
> 
> Women seem to gravitate towards the lither guys. Even big women...women who you would think would gravitate towards big guys seem to be attracted to thin guys. It's kind of disheartening.
> 
> So really....how important is self confidence, say compared to looks, talent or sense of humor?


*I don't necessarily think that's true, Bandito! The women I've known has been a fickled lot, with some liking the burley guy while others like the more toned cut man! Some money grubbers just don't really give a rats a$$ what the guy looks like so long as the man has plenty of geeda$ in his checking account! He can have a mouthful of rotten snaggly teeth with an oversized pot gut and greasy dingleberries hanging out of his backside, but in their eyes, the cash that he is in possession of makes things just peachy!

Overall, I really have to think that it's more of a womanly situation of "to each their own!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Affaircare

bandit.45 said:


> ...Given that I am thinking about plunging into the dating world again, it got me to thinking. Are there still women out there who like bigger guys like me? I'm 6'-1", 240 pounds, built like a football lineman. With the way the media has promoted lithe, athletic type guys (which I am not) are there still women out there who dig big men? Doesn't seem like it. I just want to know what my chances are and if I should even try stepping out there again.


 @bandit.45 let me say this bluntly. If I were single I'd be all over you like white on rice. I can not STAND the wisyp, boy-child look they claim as "manly" these days. I mean YUCK!! Give me a big, burly, manly man with hair on his chest, a beard and yes...linebacker build. I want a guy who looks like he has a barrel chest. Give me a man who could pick me up and set me on his lap (I'm 4ft. 10in. so that's possible!). Anyone who doesn't have 5 o'clock shadow at 5 o'clock is not mature enough to date me!

If you've ever watched TV, the guys who make me go NUTS are Artie from Warehouse 13, and the guy from King of Queens (except I wish he had more of a beard). RAWR I love that kind of more solidly built man!! 

So you'll be fine. Plus you have that crazy, sharp, somewhat dark sense of humor...you're smart as a whip... and you have been around the block a time or two. Those are BENEFITS not detriments.


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## SunCMars

lifeistooshort said:


> My hb is a runner and thin, but he isn't scrawny like many runners. He's got decent muscle structure, and one time he commented that all of the guys faster than him were skinnier so maybe he should lose some weight.
> 
> I told him that those guys weren't attractive and he was, so did he want a wife who was sexually attracted to him or to run faster?
> 
> Apparently when you put it like that it becomes clear.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I say run faster!

He can always beef-up later.


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## bandit.45

just got it 55 said:


> Bandit you never struck me as a man that lacked confidence
> 
> Just be R
> 
> 55


Up until about three years ago I had a lot of confidence. Not so much anymore.


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## bandit.45

MJJEAN said:


> You must be hanging around the wrong area because a nice thick man is the hottest thing going!
> 
> Seriously, since I was an adolescent, I have been attracted to men built as you describe yourself. I have a couple of GF's who are into same. So, yes, there are women out there into men like you on a purely physical level. I don't care how smart, sweet, and confident a man is, if he's below a certain height and width, I am not interested.


Well that is encouraging.


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## bandit.45

Affaircare said:


> @bandit.45 let me say this bluntly. If I were single I'd be all over you like white on rice. I can not STAND the wisyp, boy-child look they claim as "manly" these days. I mean YUCK!! Give me a big, burly, manly man with hair on his chest, a beard and yes...linebacker build. I want a guy who looks like he has a barrel chest. Give me a man who could pick me up and set me on his lap (I'm 4ft. 10in. so that's possible!). Anyone who doesn't have 5 o'clock shadow at 5 o'clock is not mature enough to date me!
> 
> If you've ever watched TV, the guys who make me go NUTS are Artie from Warehouse 13, and the guy from King of Queens (except I wish he had more of a beard). RAWR I love that kind of more solidly built man!!
> 
> So you'll be fine. Plus you have that crazy, sharp, somewhat dark sense of humor...you're smart as a whip... and you have been around the block a time or two. Those are BENEFITS not detriments.


Thank you AffairCare. 

I note that on your avatar your hubby is a big dude. That is encouraging. It's funny that you mention it, but I have a barrel chest. The last woman I had a serious relationship with complained that she couldn't lay her head in my chest because my chest is really thick. I have a cavernous ribcage.


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## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> *I don't necessarily think that's true, Bandito! The women I've known has been a fickled lot, with some liking the burley guy while others like the more toned cut man! Some money grubbers just don't really give a rats a$$ what the guy looks like so long as the man has plenty of geeda$ in his checking account! He can have a mouthful of rotten snaggly teeth with an oversized pot gut and greasy dingleberries hanging out of his backside, but in their eyes, the cash that he is in possession of makes things just peachy!
> 
> Overall, I really have to think that it's more of a womanly situation of "to each their own!"*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with you in many points. You are kind of a lithe, athletic type aren't you Arb? You have to be in damn good shape to be a football ref.


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## MrsHolland

MrH is 6'3" (a foot taller than me), he has legs of steel and shoulders to match his height. He is a lot larger than me and what I love is that he picks me up and carries me to bed. I still squeal like an idiot when he does it 

Give me Mr Big any day. Skinny, wimpy looking men are a major turn off for this woman.

Disclaimer: I do have a thing for cyclists, love a good perv on a lean, waxed, fit man on a bike. I like to look but that's about it.


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## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> I agree with you in many points. You are kind of a lithe, athletic type aren't you Arb? You have to be in damn good shape to be a football ref.


*Basically! But don't ask my officiating crew! However, I'm in better shape than my Umpire and Head Linesman! Hell, Bandito, I did nothing in my playing days but kick a damned football either barefooted or sockfooted! Let's just say that if you were a big burly defensive end or linebacker type, and could have gotten past my own big burly offensive linemen, you could have easily placed my a$$ squarely on the ground! As a placekicker, I'll gladly confess that I was a "wuss," although I had the ability to kick the ball long and with some degree of accuracy!

Actually, I now stand in at 6-3 and weigh in at about 220, some 40-45 lbs. over my high school playing weight!

On the @Satya scale, I'm pretty much a #3. And at the ripe old age of 64, I find that somewhat satisfying! Just stealth enough, I'd say, from keeping from getting knocked squarely on my a$$ by an errant blitzing linebacker on the gridiron or by some cornered charging tusk bearing porker out here at the ranch!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllisRedding

Sorry Bandit, if you can't fit your way into a pair of skinny jeans all is lost ...

Seriously, when I went clothes shopping that is a majority of what these stores are pushing, and I just kept thinking to myself "Am I in the children's section??".


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## Satya

Agree with the others, Bandit. 
We each may have a particular type that is a "favorite," but in all honesty some women out there just love a mind the most. I'm one of those. 

I'm 5'7, 128lbs. 










My ex H was a 6'7, skinny, lanky man. Like #1. Gained weight over time to look more like #3.
My crush never turned reality was a man exactly my height and 15 lbs heavier. #2.
My 8 month boyfriend post divorce was 5'4 with a pot belly. #5.
My current husband is 6', carrying some extra weight on the lower body. Between #3 and #4. He's working on getting to #3.

The common thing they all share was that they had other qualities that attracted me more than just looks. And for all of them, there were physical features I found incredibly attractive. For example, Constable Odo has some of the most piercing light blue eyes and a very attractive smile (WHEN he smiles... He is Mr. Serious Stoneface Sarcasm typically). 

So I think you're being too hard on yourself. Odo says it's all about attitude and I agree. Self improvement, if you even feel you need it, is your job. But if I could be so bold, I think you need a woman that can really appreciate your sense of humor and return it in spades. Odo and I are like that. It's a cerebral, quick witted, potty humor woman who can do that. There are tons of women that will laugh at your jokes, but fewer who will not only return it but it will make you laugh harder.


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## arbitrator

EllisRedding said:


> Sorry Bandit, if you can't fit your way into a pair of * skinny jeans * all is lost ...
> 
> Seriously, when I went clothes shopping that is a majority of what these stores are pushing, and I just kept thinking to myself "Am I in the children's section??".


*Hell, Ellis! What in damnation are "skinny jeans?"

Sounds like something for a malnourished woman!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllisRedding

arbitrator said:


> *Hell, Ellis! What in damnation are "skinny jeans?"
> 
> Sounds like something for a malnourished woman!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator

EllisRedding said:


>


*Looks like some tight-a$$ football players pants that extends beneath the knees!

I wouldn't get caught dead, much less alive, wearing a pair of those in public!

Or even in private!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsHolland

Satya said:


> Agree with the others, Bandit.
> We each may have a particular type that is a "favorite," but in all honesty some women out there just love a mind the most. I'm one of those. ............................
> 
> 
> *My current husband is 6', carrying some extra weight on the lower body. Between #3 and #4. He's working on getting to #3.*
> 
> The common thing they all share was that they had other qualities that attracted me more than just looks. And for all of them, there were physical features I found incredibly attractive. For example, Constable Odo has some of the most piercing light blue eyes and a very attractive smile (WHEN he smiles... He is Mr. Serious Stoneface Sarcasm typically).
> 
> So I think you're being too hard on yourself. Odo says it's all about attitude and I agree. Self improvement, if you even feel you need it, is your job. But if I could be so bold, I think you need a woman that can really appreciate your sense of humor and return it in spades. Odo and I are like that. It's a cerebral, quick witted, potty humor woman who can do that. There are tons of women that will laugh at your jokes, but fewer who will not only return it but it will make you laugh harder.


A while ago he said on TAM that you guys had it written into your marriage agreement that any weigh gain would be grounds for divorce. This must have changed.


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## MrsHolland

I am hoping that the "like" means yes, this thinking has changed. Life is short, love is hard to find, hang onto it when you find it even if it has some extra padding


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## Satya

MrsHolland said:


> A while ago he said on TAM that you guys had it written into your marriage agreement that any weigh gain would be grounds for divorce. This must have changed.


Lol @MrsHolland, you're absolutely right. He had extra weight when we met, and had actually lost quite a bit from years past when he was heavier. I've seen the pictures. He continues to lose. 

The agreement was, he was not allowed to get any larger than he was when we met, because of health issues (diabetes in family that he was afraid of), plus he was and still is on a diet & exercise regiment, working hard to lose more, and wanted to be held to his promise.

The reason I'd broken up with my 8 month boyfriend was because he was getting larger and completely disregarding his health. It made me incredibly sad. But he made a choice on how he wanted to live his life and I had to respect it.

Odo tries his best, respecting his and my concerns for health, which is the difference. My attraction to him has grown because he is a goal-oriented person in all things. 

The BMI clause is not a punishment or scare tactic, for either of us. It's a care tactic that we both agreed on.

Sorry for t/j bandit.


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## just got it 55

bandit.45 said:


> Thank you AffairCare.
> 
> I note that on your avatar your hubby is a big dude. That is encouraging. It's funny that you mention it, but I have a barrel chest. The last woman I had a serious relationship with complained that she couldn't lay her head in my chest because my chest is really thick. *I have a cavernous ribcage*.


You need it to pack that big heart of yours brother

55


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## Satya

MrsHolland said:


> I am hoping that the "like" means yes, this thinking has changed. Life is short, love is hard to find, hang onto it when you find it even if it has some extra padding


Absolutely, I agree with you.

The fact that I've loved men of all sized shows (I hope) the for me it's not all about looks. I do care about health though. I at least want to know they want to make health a high priority. 

Extra weight, no exercise, bad eating habits, they all work against the longevity of a relationship. I just want a partner who is on board with the goal of maxing out that lifespan as much as possible. Some extra flab? Not a big deal, we almost live on salad with protein. Eat a double cheeseburger every day and sit on the couch all day? I'm outta here!


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## MrsHolland

Yes making health a high priority is important here too. We have our vices but are generally very healthy, eat well and exercise. MrH eats far less meat now than he used to (I'm a veggo but don't have an issue with what others eat) and feels much better for it. He is overall a big guy but not fat, he has played a lot of sport his whole life and it just a big, broad Superman


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## Ynot

Bandit, don't worry about what some, other or most women want. Just be yourself. Someone attracted to you will appear. At that point your question should be "am I attracted to this type of person"
Know this - the universe always provides, it is just up to you to accept the gift. If you aren't with someone at the moment, be glad. The universe is telling you it isn't time yet.


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## alexm

Síocháin said:


> I was attracted to my STBXH physically at first. At the end, he could have looked like George Clooney and it wouldn't have mattered. He was ugly on the inside.
> 
> So, if I ever date again, I will be looking for the beauty on the inside and outside will be 2nd if at all. If you're a good man, a woman would be lucky to have you. Get out there because it only really matters what YOU think. So get that confidence going.


I want to like this, as it's a well-intentioned thought, but I think the reality is that looks are important, even when we say they aren't, or shouldn't be. Or they're not right now. I think a good combination of the two are important for a solid relationship.

I know I'm only one example, but I can tell you with 100% honesty that my ex wife had the same thought pattern when we first met - she even eventually told me so. Over the early years, she subtly let it be known that she was attracted to tall, slimmer men (and back then, in the 90's, men with long hair). And those were the guys she dated, more or less. I'm the opposite of all of that. Like you, she decided to go with the opposite for a change, as she had had no luck with her "type".

We were great together for many years, and she was genuinely attracted to ME, the person, but eventually it wasn't enough. All 3 APs (one confirmed, two highly suspected) fit the description of her type. The OM she blew up the marriage and left me for - 6' +, slim, long hair. Shocking.


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## Celes

I don't like big burly men at all. My favorite build is the soccer player build. But I'm a petite girl. 5'2, 105 lbs. A big burly man would crush me lol.


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## bandit.45

lifeistooshort said:


> What kind of women do you gravitate toward? Do you have a particular type or are you open to many body types?
> 
> Are you looking for much younger or all ages? Within reason of course.
> 
> If your preferences are narrow it could be the women you're trying for.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My go-to body type is curvaceous and average height. I prefer redheads and brunettes. Now I have dated curvy women and thin, tall women and I like them all, but for me, it comes down to femininity and carrying an aura of sexiness. I can overlook a lot of things if a woman has that "thing" about her. I cannot explain it, but few women are truly sexy. It is one thing to have a beautiful body, perfect tits, round butt... But if you don't have intelligence, allure and sexiness, I have a hard time getting exited. I have met scant few women who I would call feminine. 

I dated a woman about two and a half years years ago who, while she had a beautiful thin body, fantastic legs, gorgeous green eyes and a heavenly voice.... it was her sexiness...the way she talked to me, the way she moved, the way she looked at me... She was so goddamn feminine. It was like she transcended beauty and sex appeal. She had something that I cannot quantify....but boy was I hooked on it! She wrapped me around her finger and drug me like a running horse. :laugh: She unleashed the Tarzan in me! 

I've never had that experience with a woman before or since.


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## MrsHolland

Celes said:


> I don't like big burly men at all. My favorite build is the soccer player build. But I'm a petite girl. 5'2, 105 lbs. A big burly man would crush me lol.


I love being crushed lol Also love making a big, broad manly man weak at the knees, it is a power trip for me >


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## Steve1000

bandit.45 said:


> . Are there still women out there who like bigger guys like me? I'm 6'-1", 240 pounds, built like a football lineman.


Look around you... do you see any bigger guys like you with women?


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## bandit.45

Steve1000 said:


> Look around you... do you see any bigger guys like you with women?


Scant few. If I do, they are usually with women bigger than they are. :surprise:

Now...I like a voluptuous, curvy woman...but...damn.....


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## lucy999

Come on in @bandit.45 the water's fine. Big burly men are DELICIOUS. They don't have to be cut. In fact I like some meat on the bones. 

There's something about a big man. Makes me feel protected. Big is butch and I'm all over the butch.

Glad you enjoyed yourself at church. 😀


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## Steve1000

bandit.45 said:


> Scant few. If I do, they are usually with women bigger than they are. :surprise:
> 
> Now...I like a voluptuous, curvy woman...but...damn.....


You've got the sense of humor. If you are well-groomed, then you're soon going to be angry at yourself for not trying to date again earlier. The best thing you can do is to ask women out and lose any fear of rejection. I think that fear of rejection kept me from having many more dates than I had. Also, I don't recommend on-line dating. It obviously works for many, but I had zero success with on-line dating, which wasn't good for my self-confidence.


----------



## Middle of Everything

6'1" 240lb? Come on. You are a linebacker, maybe a fullback. At most a really undersized defensive end. A lineman? Hardly.


----------



## heartsbeating

bandit.45 said:


> I just want to know what my chances are and if I should even try stepping out there again.


You know the answer to this ....a big fat YES!

You'll be fine.


----------



## notmyrealname4

I prefer skinny men. I mean, they're the only ones that could make me do a double take.

But I think I'm in the minority; I'm sure most women like stockier guys. I can't think where you picked up the idea that more women like lean guys :scratchhead:


----------



## aine

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Masculine looking men are a turn on so broad, well built etc yup, yup, yup. 
But the inside is also important, kindness, confidence, reliability, etc, all much more important.


----------



## alexm

aine said:


> Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Masculine looking men are a turn on so broad, well built etc yup, yup, yup.
> But the inside is also important, kindness, confidence, reliability, etc, all much more important.


This ^

Everybody is attracted to whatever they're attracted to, and there's often no rhyme or reason for it.

I'm more attracted to pear-shaped women, and I genuinely have no real reason for it. I like hips, I like small boobs, I like a curvy butt, I like some padding, I like a bit of a tummy. I have no idea why.

My wife has a family member who's maybe 5'2", average build, and she's married to a bear of a man. 6'5", ex football player (O-lineman), close to 300lbs, hair everywhere, 10 years older, and she thinks he's the sexiest man alive.

We have a friend who's 5'9, curvy, stunningly beautiful, and her long time boyfriend is 5'3, a little round, thinning hair, and she thinks he's the sexiest man alive.

You're attracted to what you're attracted to.


----------



## FeministInPink

Nothing gets me salivating more that a big, burly man. I like my men MANLY. Definitely my type, physically.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Hope Shimmers

bandit.45 said:


> Are there still women out there who like bigger guys like me? I'm 6'-1", 240 pounds, built like a football lineman.


HELL yes!


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

Alli3fire said:


> I would absolutely be attracted to a big guy as long as he was confident. Confidence is the #1 thing women are attracted to IMO.


fine line between "confidence" and "arrogance" though. 

Perhaps this is a good opportunity for others to share what they think the difference is.


----------



## AliceA

I've never dated a big guy, but I've never really had a situation where I could have developed an emotional attachment to a big guy, so I don't think it means I have a 'type' or whatever.

For me, first and foremost, intelligence is important. Not the type where the person thinks they know everything and will shove their opinion down your throat as often as possible, but a person who is intelligent enough to know that they know very little and is always willing to learn and adapt.


----------



## AliceA

spotthedeaddog said:


> fine line between "confidence" and "arrogance" though.
> 
> Perhaps this is a good opportunity for others to share what they think the difference is.


DH is what I would consider confident, but also a bit arrogant. Before dating, the confidence showed in that he flirted with me to show his interest but then asked if he was overstepping a boundary. The arrogance sometimes shows when he assumes he knows better than I do what motivates me. No matter how well you know someone, you will never be fully inside their head.


----------



## MattMatt

bandit.45 said:


> I'm terrible at coming up with titles for threads. Anyways....this is a question for the TAM ladies.
> 
> This morning I went to church for the first time in years. I joined in with the hymns, had a spiritually profitable morning, and afterwards a little elderly woman came up to me and complimented me on my singing voice. Then she said she thought I was very handsome too and wondered why I was alone. "Such a big strong man like you...I can't believe no woman has snapped you up. They don't make manly, burly men like you any more." I thanked her for the compliment and left for home.
> 
> I appreciated the compliment....even coming from a woman who dated long ago in an entirely different era. She was probably in her late eighties.
> 
> Given that I am thinking about plunging into the dating world again, it got me to thinking. Are there still women out there who like bigger guys like me? I'm 6'-1", 240 pounds, built like a football lineman. With the way the media has promoted lithe, athletic type guys (which I am not) are there still women out there who dig big men? Doesn't seem like it. I just want to know what my chances are and if I should even try stepping out there again.


Ask her if she has any much younger sisters or nieces? She could set you up with some dates?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Alli3fire

spotthedeaddog said:


> fine line between "confidence" and "arrogance" though.
> 
> Perhaps this is a good opportunity for others to share what they think the difference is.


Agree there is a fine line. To me arrogance is when you act like you're better than everyone else and confidence is where you are extremely comfortable in your own skin and still treat others with respect and dignity.


----------



## Spicy

I like bigger guys. DH is 6 ft, 210. Yum. >


----------



## As'laDain

eh, i used to fret over my body type. im one of those skinny guys, five foot eight, 128 pounds. there is only so much i can do about that. 

as it turns out, i actually have a genetic condition that can make me one hell of a long distance runner(my body barely produces lactic acid), but on the flip side, building muscle mass is damn near impossible. that does not mean that i dont get stronger with lifting weights. my max goes up disproportionately to my muscle mass.

It used to bother me when people assumed i was physically weak. nowadays, i just find it entertaining when i can carry more weight farther and faster then them. In the past, i had a few women tell me that if i were only larger, they would love to date me, only to change their minds when they saw me lift stuff and whatnot. i never dated any of them after they let that bit slip. one of my biggest turn offs is being judged on sight. im kinda glad they felt that way back then. most of them are now terribly overweight and are going nowhere with their lives.

but then again, i was never one to feel instant attraction. being demisexual and all...


----------



## 3Xnocharm

bandit.45 said:


> Given that I am thinking about plunging into the dating world again, it got me to thinking. Are there still women out there who like bigger guys like me? I'm 6'-1", 240 pounds, built like a football lineman. With the way the media has promoted lithe, athletic type guys (which I am not)* are there still women out there who dig big men? * Doesn't seem like it. I just want to know what my chances are and if I should even try stepping out there again.


I LOVE big guys! I have always been attracted to big, beefy men! However, that said, it has NOT served me well... all of my relationships have failed. Evidently I have problems finding beefy men that don't turn out to be jerks.  Surely they are out there, but my picker cant seem to pick em! 

So to answer your question directly, *YES! *


----------



## Blondilocks

Don't be afraid, bandit. My brother was 6'4" and 220-240 (depending on the season) with a fringe of hair under his cowboy hat. At 68 years old, he was still beating women off with a stick. His tallest wife (of 4) was 5'8" and shortest was 5'4" and not a one of them over-weight. His problem with women was he tended towards the beauty queen types (high maintenance).


----------



## jorgegene

i always used to be amazed at guys like walter matthau who was a big guy and in later years had a pretty healthy gut, but he was still often cast
as a ladies man and just seemed to have that sex appeal with the ladies.

in my observation and experience over the years, i would say that very generally speaking women gravitate towards tall and bigger men.
i think it's a biological/evolutionary thing. maybe a wild guess would be something like 65/35 in favor of larger men.

that being said though, here is the bottom line: there's plenty of women out there for every male body type.
my once best friend was about 5'-10", with a pretty good sized gut, and a nice face and he could get a woman any where and any time he wanted to.
he just had that swagger that lot's of women love and he was a 'bad boy'.
i'm like As 'LaDain. i was a college runner and still skinny. i've never had too much problems getting interest from women.


----------



## Ynot

Hey Bandit, just to throw in another two cents, but...
I am 6'4" and weight about 230 lbs. I work out, but I still have not been able to get that six pack and wish I could lose a few pounds. I am currently seeing a 5'4" 115 lb woman. She has a fabulous body. Before that was a 5'11" 150 lb woman and before that it was a 5'6" 150 lb woman and before that it was 5'6" 120 lb woman. Yeah, some women want emaciated string beans and some want overweight chunks. All I care about is if they want me and my type. So far I have not found a lack of choices for me to choose from (which is all that really matters to me). I was married for 24 years and had gotten used to a certain type, but now I have freedom (and so do you) to find what it is that I like. Currently I am enjoying towering over the woman I am seeing and being physically dominant (not in a bad way). When I dated the 5'11" woman I enjoyed that as well. So don't worry about what women want, worry about who you are.


----------



## Blondilocks

bandit.45 said:


> My go-to body type is curvaceous and average height. I prefer redheads and brunettes. Now I have dated curvy women and thin, tall women and I like them all, but for me, it comes down to femininity and carrying an aura of sexiness. I can overlook a lot of things if a woman has that "thing" about her. I cannot explain it, but few women are truly sexy. It is one thing to have a beautiful body, perfect tits, round butt... But if you don't have intelligence, allure and sexiness, I have a hard time getting exited. I have met scant few women who I would call feminine.
> 
> I dated a woman about two and a half years years ago who, while she had a beautiful thin body, fantastic legs, gorgeous green eyes and a heavenly voice.... it was her sexiness...the way she talked to me, the way she moved, the way she looked at me... She was so goddamn feminine. It was like she transcended beauty and sex appeal. She had something that I cannot quantify....but boy was I hooked on it! She wrapped me around her finger and drug me like a running horse. :laugh: She unleashed the Tarzan in me!
> 
> I've never had that experience with a woman before or since.


bandit, don't leave us hanging. What happened to the woman? Why didn't it work out?


----------



## bandit.45

Blondilocks said:


> bandit, don't leave us hanging. What happened to the woman? Why didn't it work out?


It was a LDR. I couldn't swing it to move to be with her and the relationship suffered. I had to break it off. She moved on to someone new very quickly. But I'm glad she found a good man and hope she is happy. No hard feelings.


----------



## just got it 55

As'laDain said:


> eh, i used to fret over my body type. im one of those skinny guys, five foot eight, 128 pounds. there is only so much i can do about that.
> 
> as it turns out, i actually have a genetic condition that can make me one hell of a long distance runner(my body barely produces lactic acid), but on the flip side, building muscle mass is damn near impossible. that does not mean that i dont get stronger with lifting weights. my max goes up disproportionately to my muscle mass.
> 
> It used to bother me when people assumed i was physically weak. nowadays, i just find it entertaining when i can carry more weight farther and faster then them. In the past, i had a few women tell me that if i were only larger, they would love to date me, only to change their minds when they saw me lift stuff and whatnot. i never dated any of them after they let that bit slip. one of my biggest turn offs is being judged on sight. im kinda glad they felt that way back then. most of them are now terribly overweight and are going nowhere with their lives.
> 
> but then again, i was never one to feel instant attraction. being demisexual and all...


As'laDain It's not the bulk (Height) of the muscle it's the lenght See Andre Dawson Tall and skinny but super strong which generates bat speed He coul hit a baseball as far as Jim Rice or Harmon Kilabrew

55


----------



## BetrayedDad

bandit.45 said:


> Are there still women out there who like bigger guys like me? I'm 6'-1", 240 pounds, built like a football lineman. With the way the media has promoted lithe, athletic type guys (which I am not) are there still women out there who dig big men? Doesn't seem like it. I just want to know what my chances are and if I should even try stepping out there again.


Arnold was 6' 2", 235 lbs at his peak performance. So unless you have his type of muscle mass, then you're carrying a lot of body fat. Lose about 40 lbs. and the ladies will come running. Don't hide behind the "big boned" excuse. There's definitely a lot of room for improvement.


----------



## EllisRedding

@bandit.45 maybe as a form of introspection (is that a real word, sounds like it could be???) try dating some big guys so you can truly appreciate what they have to offer >


----------



## As'laDain

just got it 55 said:


> As'laDain It's not the bulk (Height) of the muscle it's the lenght See Andre Dawson Tall and skinny but super strong which generates bat speed He coul hit a baseball as far as Jim Rice or Harmon Kilabrew
> 
> 55


Yeah... I don't look strong. At all. Here is a pic of me before I joined the army. Now, I was a bit underweight even for me at the time because I has just spent almost three months living in a swamp by myself, but my arms still look about the same. My face is scarred a bit, I look a bit older. Weigh about 10 pounds more. Shorter hair. 

I am regularly underestimated. Used to bother me, but not so much anymore. Most people who might judge me couldn't come close to doing what I do for a living. Physically. Even among airborne infantry.


**photo removed**
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 5Creed

I tend to be attracted to bigger men myself. It makes me feel protected having a man like that around me. My Dad and the men in my family are all bigger men. I preferred dating men like this; although I was much younger at that time. The bigger chest to lay your head on? Heaven! Ironically; my STBX was not built like this at all. He was a smaller man. I loved him for his personality and the kind of man he was when we first met. 

Although I am more attracted at first meeting to the bigger body type; I am not a superficial person who would rule someone out for dating them just because of their body. It is the whole person that matters to me!


----------



## joannacroc

In a word...YES!

I mean, I guess some women aren't. But I find that attractive.


----------



## Married27years

Yes, I have always been attracted to bigger men and not just tall but I like a little beer belly on a man. It makes me feel protected and since I'm a curvy women, it makes me feel smaller when I'm with a bigger man.


----------



## Icebearsmom

Hell yeah! I don't even notice most men who are less than six feet tall. My dream man, physically, would look like Tim Tebow or Drew Brees or maybe Brett Farve when he was younger. Or that gorgeous guy who used to play the lead on JAG. Tall and ripped.

My STBX looks a little like Colin Kaepernick. Not facially (STBX is darker and doesn't have the dreads) but build wise. Facially he looks more like Jamie Foxx. Who is too thin for my liking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lila

A big guy with a little extra 'oomph' spread around evenly = Yummy.

A big guy with a 'dunlap' = no way Jose. 

And for those wondering, dunlap is when your belly dunlap over your waistline. 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## Emerging Buddhist

Are you big guys done getting your ego strokes?

Good thing my height impaired 5'8 1/2 frame has the mindful faith to withstand such self-effectualizing banter.

I think you should try Ellis's idea if you need confidence... 

(Yes, I'm jealous... everyone else in my family is 6'4" or taller)


----------



## alexm

As'laDain said:


> eh, i used to fret over my body type. im one of those skinny guys, five foot eight, 128 pounds. there is only so much i can do about that.
> 
> as it turns out, i actually have a genetic condition that can make me one hell of a long distance runner(my body barely produces lactic acid), but on the flip side, building muscle mass is damn near impossible. that does not mean that i dont get stronger with lifting weights. my max goes up disproportionately to my muscle mass.
> 
> It used to bother me when people assumed i was physically weak. nowadays, i just find it entertaining when i can carry more weight farther and faster then them. In the past, i had a few women tell me that if i were only larger, they would love to date me, only to change their minds when they saw me lift stuff and whatnot. i never dated any of them after they let that bit slip. one of my biggest turn offs is being judged on sight. im kinda glad they felt that way back then. most of them are now terribly overweight and are going nowhere with their lives.
> 
> but then again, i was never one to feel instant attraction. being demisexual and all...


As a 5'7", average weight guy, I went through a period in my mid-teens where I fretted over my body type. Then I got comfortable with it. At that time, more than one girl made remarks about my height ("If only you were taller" etc.) So I thought I was never going to find somebody to date me.

Short jokes are a facet of my life now, and it only bothers me when it's NOT an obvious thing to insult me with - like in the sports I play, there's a lot of trash-talk. That doesn't bother me, because it's not original. Or worse, when you get the "no offense, but", out of the blue like that.

A few years ago, I was introduced to my wife's cousin, and the first thing she said was "you're shorter than I expected". When it's out of the blue like that, it bothers me. If I was quicker on my feet, I would have said "and you're fatter than I expected", but it was one of those things that came to me 5 minutes later... lol (she's not a nice woman, and nobody would have been upset at me, had I said that, by the way!)


----------



## bandit.45

EllisRedding said:


> @bandit.45 maybe as a form of introspection (is that a real word, sounds like it could be???) try dating some big guys so you can truly appreciate what they have to offer >


Go gay huh?


----------



## bandit.45

alexm said:


> As a 5'7", average weight guy, I went through a period in my mid-teens where I fretted over my body type. Then I got comfortable with it. At that time, more than one girl made remarks about my height ("If only you were taller" etc.) So I thought I was never going to find somebody to date me.
> 
> Short jokes are a facet of my life now, and it only bothers me when it's NOT an obvious thing to insult me with - like in the sports I play, there's a lot of trash-talk. That doesn't bother me, because it's not original. Or worse, when you get the "no offense, but", out of the blue like that.
> 
> A few years ago, I was introduced to my wife's cousin, and the first thing she said was "you're shorter than I expected". When it's out of the blue like that, it bothers me. If I was quicker on my feet, I would have said "and you're fatter than I expected", but it was one of those things that came to me 5 minutes later... lol (she's not a nice woman, and nobody would have been upset at me, had I said that, by the way!)


I have a friend who is vertically challenged. He's about 5'5" and I always felt bad about the way people shot rude remarks his way. But he has a positive attitude and outgoing personality. Funny thing is, he has studied Hung Gar kung fu for twenty five years or so and is probably, pound for pound, the strongest guy I know. He could kill someone in a split second without even thinking about it.


----------



## MJJEAN

If it makes you short guys feel any better, my daughter is 6'1" and got over trying to date tall men exclusively in High School. I've seen her date men from 5'5" on up because she realized personality was a thing.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

alexm said:


> As a 5'7", average weight guy, I went through a period in my mid-teens where I fretted over my body type. Then I got comfortable with it. At that time, more than one girl made remarks about my height ("If only you were taller" etc.) So I thought I was never going to find somebody to date me.
> 
> Short jokes are a facet of my life now, and it only bothers me when it's NOT an obvious thing to insult me with - like in the sports I play, there's a lot of trash-talk. That doesn't bother me, because it's not original. Or worse, when you get the "no offense, but", out of the blue like that.
> 
> A few years ago, I was introduced to my wife's cousin, and the first thing she said was "you're shorter than I expected". When it's out of the blue like that, it bothers me. If I was quicker on my feet, I would have said "and you're fatter than I expected", but it was one of those things that came to me 5 minutes later... lol (she's not a nice woman, and nobody would have been upset at me, had I said that, by the way!)


I hear the "I thought you'd be taller" comment at family gatherings all the time, usually from the the same introductions that you mention... a niece/nephew's new interest or a cousin's son/daughter's friend that would hear a snippet of the things I've done and the family has shared. 

It would irritate my dad to no end that I would quip "yes, it seems I take after the milkman" as we'd line up for family photos and I'd be put in the front of every group... always. 

Funny thing is one of my cousins doing genealogy found a photo of my great-great grandfather in a family photo with his brothers and cousins and sure as all... there he was at what had to be 5'6"-5'8" surrounded by all these rather tall relatives looking 6"0 and taller.

I just keep telling them... they got the height, but I got the looks. :grin2:


----------



## jb02157

I think that being rich attracts women more than looks do. After a while the looks go away, lots of money doesn't age.


----------



## Faithful Wife

I've always been into bigger guys and the main reason is because I am not a small woman. I would be considered "petite" by many but only because I am short. I have a lot of mass, though. I got some thunder thighs. No joke, MOST of the men I have dated (even just one time) or had a relationship with, I had thicker thighs than they do....and many of these guys would never be considered small guys.

It bothers me when I am sitting next to a guy and my thigh circumference is several inches bigger than his. Again, even bigger guys' thighs can't compete with mine a lot of the time!

So I have found that generally speaking, it takes not only a much taller guy but also a guy with a large amount of muscle mass to have thicker thighs than I do.

Then there are the hands....I love big thick hands and fingers. I always notice a man's hands (and they never ever realize I'm creepin' on their hands...it is something I can look at and think sexual thoughts but they will never know it, he he). A bigger guy has bigger hands. The bigger the better, to me.

The overall height and bigger size are sexy to me, too. My current guy is 6'2" and about 225. His thighs and hands specifically are huge (also wears a size 13 shoe, which I like, because seeing his shoe next to mine is just hysterical). I love sitting next to him, our thighs pressed up against each other's, and seeing the contrast between our sizes. Again, I have total thunder thighs already, so seeing his as so much bigger than mine is a real treat. And his hands....

....before we met in person but we were texting after connecting on a dating site, I was asking him about his hands. I asked him if he could palm a basketball. He ran out to a sporting goods store, grabbed two basketballs, and asked the clerk to take his picture as he palmed one in each hand.

I replied with "I'm yours."


----------



## Faithful Wife

jb02157 said:


> I think that being rich attracts women more than looks do. After a while the looks go away, lots of money doesn't age.


Being rich may "attract" a woman who wants to spend your money, but if she isn't sexually and physically attracted to you, she will not want to have sex with you.

Men who employ using money to attract women will find this over and over and over...yet they will always wonder why she cheated on him with the pool boy.


----------



## bandit.45

jb02157 said:


> I think that being rich attracts women more than looks do. After a while the looks go away, lots of money doesn't age.


QFT


----------



## bandit.45

Faithful Wife said:


> Then there are the hands....I love big thick hands and fingers. I always notice a man's hands (and they never ever realize I'm creepin' on their hands...it is something I can look at and think sexual thoughts but they will never know it, he he). A bigger guy has bigger hands. The bigger the better, to me.


My hands are big, but they are scarred up and windburned. Not pretty.


----------



## Lila

bandit.45 said:


> My hands are big, but they are scarred up and windburned. Not pretty.


They don't look weird to me. 

One question.....what's 'windblown'?

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## Faithful Wife

Actually yes, yes they are pretty.

Boiiinnnnnnggggg!!!!


----------



## bandit.45

Lila said:


> They don't look weird to me.
> 
> One question.....what's 'windblown'?
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


As a kid I spent my youth on horseback and working outdoors in a windy, arid part of the southwest. I worked with my dad at ranches near where we lived to make extra money. Your hands and face get destroyed by the wind and sun.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Lila said:


> They don't look weird to me.
> 
> One question.....what's 'windblown'?
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


The picture isn't showing for me.


----------



## Lila

3Xnocharm said:


> The picture isn't showing for me.


Are you using Google or tapatalk? Those are working for me but I think the site has had problems with ipads lately. 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## bandit.45

Faithful Wife said:


> I've always been into bigger guys and the main reason is because I am not a small woman. I would be considered "petite" by many but only because I am short. I have a lot of mass, though. I got some thunder thighs. No joke, MOST of the men I have dated (even just one time) or had a relationship with, I had thicker thighs than they do....and many of these guys would never be considered small guys.
> 
> It bothers me when I am sitting next to a guy and my thigh circumference is several inches bigger than his. Again, even bigger guys' thighs can't compete with mine a lot of the time!


Those aren't thunder thighs. Those are extra smooth, road-glide suspension systems for your man's comfort.


----------



## Faithful Wife

bandit.45 said:


> Those aren't thunder thighs. Those are extra smooth, road-glide suspension systems for your man's comfort.


Yes they are very useful. Never had any complaints. I can go for miles and miles and miles....


----------



## MJJEAN

@bandit.45 Those look like useful hands. Useful kicks pretty's azz any day of the week.


----------



## lucy999

bandit.45 said:


> My hands are big, but they are scarred up and windburned. Not pretty.


You've got big, beefy hands. They are gorgeous. No joke.


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## 3Xnocharm

Now I can see em!  I like your hands, Bandit! Large, hard working hands. I cant stand small, smooth hands on a man, to me thats a turnoff. They look too womanly.


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## bandit.45

lucy999 said:


> You've got big, beefy hands. They are gorgeous. No joke.


Why thank you. 

I think all the TAM guys need to post pics of their hands...make big hand job of it.


----------



## notmyrealname4

bandit.45 said:


> Why thank you.
> 
> I think all the TAM guys need to post pics of their hands...make big hand job of it.




I prefer slim, long hands. But I'm not a hand freak; a lot of women are.

I like that your nails look clean. Sorry, a guy with grime stuck under his nails--no way. 

Most women like foreplay from a guys fingers. Who wants fingernails with, I dunno, motor oil residue in them, inserted into your lady bits. Ugh.


----------



## Palodyne

I haven't read all the responses you have gotten. In my mid 20's, I was 6'3, 250lbs. I worked for NAPA auto parts. I was at the bank making a deposit. There was an elderly woman in line that after making her transaction, looked at me and said. " This is what I call standing next to a man!" I was embarrassed, but took the comment in stride. 

I am a large guy. There are younger women than her out there that are fine with large men. I think the important thing is to come to peace with yourself, and learn to love yourself no matter the size.


----------



## bandit.45

You know I cannot win for losing. Had a lady over last night, we started to get a little bit intimate...

She unbuttoned my shirt and was running her hand over my chest and felt the scars there from my heart valve surgery. 

Ruined the mood. She kind of just went cold after I told her what they were from. 

Cannot win.


----------



## MrsAldi

@bandit.45 
She went cold after you telling her, that was strange. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Emerging Buddhist

bandit.45 said:


> You know I cannot win for losing. Had a lady over last night, we started to get a little bit intimate...
> 
> She unbuttoned my shirt and was running her hand over my chest and felt the scars there from my heart valve surgery.
> 
> Ruined the mood. She kind of just went cold after I told her what they were from.
> 
> Cannot win.


Then she wasn't right for you and saved you a ton of grief... I think you "won" well.

Other body parts may question it, but trust your heart and mind to know better than those.


----------



## bandit.45

Yeah, it was disappointing. Funny thing is, my heart valve was fixed and its completely healed. In fact, my ticker is the least of the few physical ailments I have. 

Women....


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah, it was disappointing. Funny thing is, my heart valve was fixed and its completely healed. In fact, my ticker is the least of the few physical ailments I have.
> 
> Women....


Well, I was impressed with the openness of the thread and we all desire confidence of attraction as long as we don't lose sight of our real beauty.

There are frames to fit all for all likes, but please... stick to hands when posting or we'll have to have a NSFW section. >


----------



## alte Dame

FWIW, I have always been attracted to bigger men. I'm very small, so not too big. A man who is over a foot taller than I is too much for me, but I really like big and masculine. Man hands. Callouses. Knows how to change a tire and more. Hair on his chest. In other words, a man who has typical man features. I haven't liked the whole manscaping thing and like the way the baseball diamonds are now filled with young guys with facial hair .

But....I now qualify as one of the 'older ladies' with a preference for bigger men, so my two cents may not be that useful. If it helps, my 30-yo daughter has similar tastes.

But, tbh, bandit, you are so smart and funny and well-spoken that you are a catch. You shouldn't be worried about taking the plunge again. There are some great women out there for you.


----------



## Lila

bandit.45 said:


> You know I cannot win for losing. Had a lady over last night, we started to get a little bit intimate...
> 
> She unbuttoned my shirt and was running her hand over my chest and felt the scars there from my heart valve surgery.
> 
> Ruined the mood. She kind of just went cold after I told her what they were from.
> 
> Cannot win.


I know the evening didn't end exactly as you'd planned but I do have to give you props.....Dude, you work fast!!! It was only 2 weeks ago you were talking about getting back into the dating scene and here you are bringing a girl back to your place. Dayam!!!!! Here's a leaping high five from a 5'4 (short) woman. ;-)



Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


----------



## bandit.45

Lila said:


> I know the evening didn't end exactly as you'd planned but I do have to give you props.....Dude, you work fast!!! It was only 2 weeks ago you were talking about getting back into the dating scene and here you are bringing a girl back to your place. Dayam!!!!! Here's a leaping high five from a 5'4 (short) woman. ;-)
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


I met her through work. She was really nice. The chemistry was really good between us, but I guess I should have told her I was a heart surgery patient the first five minutes of the date so that she could have chosen whether or not it would have been worth the trouble. It was nice kissing her though. . I haven't made out with a gal in a long time.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

alte Dame said:


> FWIW, I have always been attracted to bigger men. I'm very small, so not too big. A man who is over a foot taller than I is too much for me, but I really like big and masculine. Man hands. Callouses. Knows how to change a tire and more. Hair on his chest. In other words, a man who has typical man features. I haven't liked the whole manscaping thing and like the way the baseball diamonds are now filled with young guys with facial hair .
> 
> But....I now qualify as one of the 'older ladies' with a preference for bigger men, so my two cents may not be that useful. If it helps, my 30-yo daughter has similar tastes.
> 
> But, tbh, bandit, you are so smart and funny and well-spoken that you are a catch. You shouldn't be worried about taking the plunge again. There are some great women out there for you.


If I like this, you won't think I'm hitting on you, right bandit?:grin2:


----------



## bandit.45

Emerging Buddhist said:


> If I like this, you won't think I'm hitting on you, right bandit?:grin2:


Right....I guess....:|


----------



## heartsbeating

bandit.45 said:


> You know I cannot win for losing. Had a lady over last night, we started to get a little bit intimate...
> 
> She unbuttoned my shirt and was running her hand over my chest and felt the scars there from my heart valve surgery.
> 
> Ruined the mood. She kind of just went cold after I told her what they were from.
> 
> Cannot win.


That's a strange reaction. 

My guess is either she was triggered ...or she's a fool.


----------



## bandit.45

heartsbeating said:


> That's a strange reaction.
> 
> My guess is either she was triggered ...or she's a fool.


My guess is she is husband hunting and doesn't want a defective model.


----------



## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> My guess is she is husband hunting and doesn't want a defective model.


If she thinks you're defective, then she's not worth another iota of your time or energy. 

My dad (who is much older than you, bandit) had heart surgery about 5 years ago, and he's more healthy and vigorous than he's ever been.


----------



## *Deidre*

My fiance is tall and fit, I wouldn't say ''big.'' I like a lean muscular look, some mass, but not a ton of mass. I think that it varies from woman to woman, chemistry is an individual thing.

I can't imagine walking up to a total stranger and telling him what she told you, bandit. lol  

There are women who date bigger guys, and part of the reason is that it represents strength and protection. My fiance's size makes me feel protected, and he is strong. To each their own, I suppose.


----------



## Prodigal

bandit, you do realize, don't you, that I've had a crush on you for quite some time ...


----------



## bandit.45

Prodigal said:


> bandit, you do realize, don't you, that I've had a crush on you for quite some time ...


And I have a huge amount of respect and affection for you. Thank you.


----------



## bandit.45

*Deidre* said:


> My fiance is tall and fit, I wouldn't say ''big.'' I like a lean muscular look, some mass, but not a ton of mass. I think that it varies from woman to woman, chemistry is an individual thing.
> 
> I can't imagine walking up to a total stranger and telling him what she told you, bandit. lol
> 
> There are women who date bigger guys, and part of the reason is that it represents strength and protection. My fiance's size makes me feel protected, and he is strong. To each their own, I suppose.


You know, she was nice and tried to come up with some excuses why she didn't want to take it further, but I could tell that she got a bit freaked, because my minor heart issue never came up. And it really was minor. I had a common congenital problem with a Mitral valve that was not closing properly, and I underwent a fairly routine surgery. In fact they did it orthoscopically. I didn't have to be sawed open like a fish. 

I took her home and gave her a nice kiss goodnight.


----------



## sidney2718

bandit.45 said:


> My guess is she is husband hunting and doesn't want a defective model.


You aren't a defective model. Some formerly serious operations have become rather routine and I'm sure that your heart surgery is one of them.

My advice (worth what you paid for it) is to relax. Let it all come to you.


----------



## bandit.45

sidney2718 said:


> You aren't a defective model. Some formerly serious operations have become rather routine and I'm sure that your heart surgery is one of them.
> 
> My advice (worth what you paid for it) is to relax. Let it all come to you.


You know I'm not sweating it now. I was a bit miffed afterwards, mainly because I had blue balls. 

Ladies, if you get started with a guy, please finish the job. Please? 

I wish women could experience the rapturous pleasure of testicular vasocongestion at least once. Not saying it matches having a period or pregnancy, but damn it hurts.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

jb02157 said:


> I think that being rich attracts women more than looks do. After a while the looks go away, lots of money doesn't age.


 Just countering this a bit... Every time I see a thread here where women are attracted to older men or it wouldn't bother them... I don't understand it... I have never been attracted to older men.. I wouldn't care if they were a millionaire.. younger is hotter.. at least our own age... 

I'm not one who would put looks above everything.. but a man has to be good looking "enough" that if I was standing on the other side of the room.. I would see him and think.. "hmmm not too bad!"... enough to catch my eye... I need THIS ... and of course.. it's so much MORE than just that... unless one was just looking to get laid....

But really...Big money would never satisfy me .. as I highly enjoy the sharing... lots of affection and getting lusty... If I was foolish enough to marry for money - and not the "romantic"... I will say this honestly..... I would feel trapped.. like I settled and I'd be bored...very bored... shopping till I dropped or hanging out with girlfriends taking trips to Hawaii or with a man I was half attracted to, if at all... would be dreadful.......I'd surely be looking over the fence feeling I missed out... or salivating over the Hot gardener working outside... 

I need to admire a man & find him "hot" enough... that his body style rocks my world.. the financial is purely secondary to me..


----------



## Prodigal

bandit.45 said:


> I wish women could experience the rapturous pleasure of testicular vasocongestion at least once. Not saying it matches having a period or pregnancy, but damn it hurts.


Thanks for explaining that. I honestly believed, all these years, that it just meant a guy who was left frustrated. I'm sorry I was badly mistaken. 

You are a good guy, bandit. I enjoy your insights in your posts. I know there is a gal out there who will love you for all you are. But I'll always have a crush on you!>


----------



## SimplyAmorous

I missed this post entirely...had to back track to see what everyone was talking about...



> You know I cannot win for losing. Had a lady over last night, we started to get a little bit intimate...
> 
> She unbuttoned my shirt and was running her hand over my chest and felt the scars there from my heart valve surgery.
> 
> Ruined the mood. She kind of just went cold after I told her what they were from.
> 
> Cannot win.


 I could understand IF feeling the scars on your chest could suddenly cause a woman* to pause*.. not because it spells she is turned off / not attracted to you...you got that far .....the clothes were coming off.... it was there.... 

But because.... this was major surgery of some sort.. it would give me pause.. I'd want to hear what happened, suddenly my focus would get more serious... I'd be concerned.. especially if I liked the guy... I'd be terribly concerned even.... does this sound bad ?? 

Was any of this at play? If I missed another post where you said more about her, her reaction... forgive me...

But yeah.. I'd want to know more about this man I was suddenly getting intimate with.. . probably not a bad thing to mention before the buttons start coming undone.... 

I don't, however, feel this would hurt an initial attraction.. if she was physically ramping up to get intimate... she was "into you"...


----------



## *Deidre*

bandit.45 said:


> You know, she was nice and tried to come up with some excuses why she didn't want to take it further, but I could tell that she got a bit freaked, because my minor heart issue never came up. And it really was minor. I had a common congenital problem with a Mitral valve that was not closing properly, and I underwent a fairly routine surgery. In fact they did it orthoscopically. I didn't have to be sawed open like a fish.
> 
> I took her home and gave her a nice kiss goodnight.


Aw.  So you think your heart surgery was an issue? That's interesting.


----------



## bandit.45

I told her about it, she asked a few questions, then she got up to use the bathroom and when she came back her blouse was buttoned back up and I'm thinking, "Okay....stand down soldier!" 

The mood was dead. She didn't really ask me any more. It was a bit awkward, so we chatted a bit more and then I drove her home. She gave me a nice kiss, but no phone call or texts today, so...that is that.


----------



## Prodigal

And a MAJOR P.S. to you: A woman who gets turned off because you have a scar on your chest???? She was/is a big-time loser! Plenty of men in uniform have returned home without their limbs, for cryin' out loud, and their spouses love them just as they are. And she had an issue with some scar tissue? Dumping her like radioactive waste was the best thing to do.

Hang in, bandit. Your time will come!


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Prodigal said:


> And a MAJOR P.S. to you: A woman who gets turned off because you have a scar on your chest???? She was/is a big-time loser! *Plenty of men in uniform have returned home without their limbs, for cryin' out loud, and their spouses love them just as they are. And she had an issue with some scar tissue? * Dumping her like radioactive waste was the best thing to do.


 But wasn't this a 1st date .. or maybe 2nd or 3rd... to compare this.. with a couple who's been together for years.. husband / committed boyfriend off to war....I can't see it the same... I almost feel this woman is getting a bad rap.... if this is how she learned of it, suddenly feeling the scars... she was caught off guard ....

Can we/ should we slam someone for suddenly having their mental focus shifted ...should we just continue & downplay all that is clamoring in our heads ?? 

Yes I think the man wants this many times - when his balls need a release!! Also I can see doing this if we're married/ committed/ Love someone ... but just getting to know someone... No.. it takes time.. we need to feel "all IN".. completely comfortable.. or some of us do.... 

Does Bandit know enough about her ...could it be that learning of this triggered her in some way...was she married before.. did she loose him to a heart attack? 

It doesn't sound they took enough time to get to know each other, on a more emotional level , to overcome "the awkwardness"... this could have made all the difference...


----------



## AVR1962

bandit.45 said:


> I'm terrible at coming up with titles for threads. Anyways....this is a question for the TAM ladies.
> 
> This morning I went to church for the first time in years. I joined in with the hymns, had a spiritually profitable morning, and afterwards a little elderly woman came up to me and complimented me on my singing voice. Then she said she thought I was very handsome too and wondered why I was alone. "Such a big strong man like you...I can't believe no woman has snapped you up. They don't make manly, burly men like you any more." I thanked her for the compliment and left for home.
> 
> I appreciated the compliment....even coming from a woman who dated long ago in an entirely different era. She was probably in her late eighties.
> 
> Given that I am thinking about plunging into the dating world again, it got me to thinking. Are there still women out there who like bigger guys like me? I'm 6'-1", 240 pounds, built like a football lineman. With the way the media has promoted lithe, athletic type guys (which I am not) are there still women out there who dig big men? Doesn't seem like it. I just want to know what my chances are and if I should even try stepping out there again.


Where do you live? I definitely like a man with muscles. I think the turn off for me is these gym rats that are in love with their muscles and themselves more than they could ever love someone else. Initially we have to be attracted to each other but I think it boils down to how we treat one other. A man has to be devoted, faithful and he must be able to show his interest and desire to be with me or it simply will not work.


----------



## bandit.45

SimplyAmorous said:


> But wasn't this a 1st date .. or maybe 2nd or 3rd... to compare this.. with a couple who's been together for years.. husband / committed boyfriend off to war....I can't see it the same... I almost feel this woman is getting a bad rap.... if this is how she learned of it, suddenly feeling the scars... she was caught off guard ....
> 
> Can we/ should we slam someone for suddenly having their mental focus shifted ...should we just continue & downplay all that is clamoring in our heads ??
> 
> Yes I think the man wants this many times - when his balls need a release!! Also I can see doing this if we're married/ committed/ Love someone ... but just getting to know someone... No.. it takes time.. we need to feel "all IN".. completely comfortable.. or some of us do....
> 
> Does Bandit know enough about her ...could it be that learning of this triggered her in some way...was she married before.. did she loose him to a heart attack?
> 
> It doesn't sound they took enough time to get to know each other, on a more emotional level , to overcome "the awkwardness"... this could have made all the difference...


I think I agree with you on a lot of counts. It was first date, the chemistry and flirting were off the charts.. I really felt like she was into me. We had a nice, dark, secluded booth at the restaurant and she was very flirty and giggly and touchy. We kissed a bit, the food was awesome, the dessert was sexy...she fed me...

She wanted to rent a movie so we rented a Netflix, and went to my place. I had cleaned it really good the night before so everything was **** and span, clean sheets on the bed.... Yeah I won't lie, I had been lusting after this woman for a while, having seen her once a week at the offices of a client I'm running a project for. I had been flirting with her for the last couple of weeks before asking her out this past Wednesday, so it wasn't like we weren't acquainted. 

But my scars did trigger her. That was clear. She seemed a bit perplexed and almost sad when I told her what they were from. Then that was it. I'm thinking maybe she got scared for some reason, or maybe she perceived a physical weakness and it turned her off. 

I really don't know. I'm stumped. But I'm not going to dwell on it. I will be cordial with her when I see her this week, but I won't flirt. I'm not mad at her. The woman has the call as to whether or not the relationship progresses. I've been down this road many times.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

bandit.45 said:


> Right....I guess....:|


I too find you smart, funny, and well-spoken... but it ends there my friend. :smile2:

That said, I also hope you find your happiness... I read your thread on suicide with fascination being one who truly cheated death, you my friend should never look at that end of the means.

You are pretty cool in my book, just keep the self-confidence deficiency in check because if anything, the value you place on yourself is the only thing that matters... but you know this.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

bandit.45 said:


> I think I agree with you on a lot of counts. It was first date, the chemistry and flirting were off the charts.. I really felt like she was into me. We had a nice, dark, secluded booth at the restaurant and she was very flirty and giggly and touchy. We kissed a bit, the food was awesome, the dessert was sexy...she fed me...
> 
> She wanted to rent a movie so we rented a Netflix, and went to my place. I had cleaned it really good the night before so everything was **** and span, clean sheets on the bed.... * Yeah I won't lie, I had been lusting after this woman for a while, having seen her once a week at the offices of a client I'm running a project for. I had been flirting with her for the last couple of weeks before asking her out this past Wednesday, so it wasn't like we weren't acquainted. *
> 
> But my scars did trigger her. That was clear. She seemed a bit perplexed and almost sad when I told her what they were from. Then that was it. I'm thinking maybe she got scared for some reason, or maybe she perceived a physical weakness and it turned her off.
> 
> I really don't know. I'm stumped. But I'm not going to dwell on it. I will be cordial with her when I see her this week, but I won't flirt. I'm not mad at her. The woman has the call as to whether or not the relationship progresses. I've been down this road many times.


 No reason you should downplay it... makes ALL the sense in the world .... and getting turned down like that had to hurt like hell... You are a hungry man after all !!.... this would be like "stopping a train" for you, after all that playful "build up" -even feeding you... wow!

Sounds you are handling it in the best way you possibly can.. *Like a MAN*... you're not angry, you're leaving an open door, not playing games, giving a cold shoulder...You were hurt, this was a blow! ......but you'll survive... 

I'm sure, putting the lust aside.. you want a woman who's ALL IN, will be there for you.. knows ALL about you...and loves you all the more.... may you find this @bandit.45 & hopefully the sooner .


----------



## bandit.45

Emerging Buddhist said:


> I too find you smart, funny, and well-spoken... but it ends there my friend. :smile2:
> 
> That said, I also hope you find your happiness... I read your thread on suicide with fascination being one who truly cheated death, you my friend should never look at that end of the means.
> 
> You are pretty cool in my book, just keep the self-confidence deficiency in check because if anything, the value you place on yourself is the only thing that matters... but you know this.


Thank you for the encouragement.


----------



## bandit.45

SimplyAmorous said:


> No reason you should downplay it... makes ALL the sense in the world .... and getting turned down like that had to hurt like hell... You are a hungry man after all !!.... this would be like "stopping a train" for you, after all that playful "build up" -even feeding you... wow!
> 
> Sounds you are handling it in the best way you possibly can.. *Like a MAN*... you're not angry, you're leaving an open door, not playing games, giving a cold shoulder...You were hurt, this was a blow! ......but you'll survive...
> 
> I'm sure, putting the lust aside.. you want a woman who's ALL IN, will be there for you.. knows ALL about you...and loves you all the more.... may you find this @bandit.45 & hopefully the sooner .


Thank you. I would indeed like to find the woman one day. 

But in the meantime it would be nice to get laid once in a while. :grin2:


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

Prodigal said:


> And a MAJOR P.S. to you: A woman who gets turned off because you have a scar on your chest???? She was/is a big-time loser! Plenty of men in uniform have returned home without their limbs, for cryin' out loud, and their spouses love them just as they are. And she had an issue with some scar tissue? Dumping her like radioactive waste was the best thing to do.
> 
> Hang in, bandit. Your time will come!


Ah yes, but "war heroes" are "brave" and "get lots of community support" (and the dependos get benes!) ; a Uniformed man is a show off piece, one with genuine scars that they have - she can then show around their scars so people notice how much they gave for their country, and make demands like how badly vets are treated, and how they've seen _real_ war, not like those others.


----------



## bandit.45

spotthedeaddog said:


> Ah yes, but "war heroes" are "brave" and "get lots of community support" (and the dependos get benes!) ; a Uniformed man is a show off piece, one with genuine scars that they have - she can then show around their scars so people notice how much they gave for their country, and make demands like how badly vets are treated, and how they've seen _real_ war, not like those others.


There are a lot of wounded vets out there who got Dear John letters too while they were deployed....


----------



## *Deidre*

bandit.45 said:


> I told her about it, she asked a few questions, then she got up to use the bathroom and when she came back her blouse was buttoned back up and I'm thinking, "Okay....stand down soldier!"
> 
> The mood was dead. She didn't really ask me any more. It was a bit awkward, so we chatted a bit more and then I drove her home. She gave me a nice kiss, but no phone call or texts today, so...that is that.


The moral of the story is avoid women who ''use'' church as a hunting ground for dating. Just sayin. Her hitting on you at church is weird, IMO. Same for men doing it to women. If you become friends through church, great. But, using church to hit on men and women is tacky, IMO. It's often thought that church is a great place to meet people to date, but not if the people are using church mainly as a reason to meet people for dates. And in her case, she seems like that's why she's there mainly....because a true ''Christian'' would not have let a scar hurt your chances of moving forward. Not everyone at church is there for the right reasons. 

Just sayin


----------



## bandit.45

*Deidre* said:


> The moral of the story is avoid women who ''use'' church as a hunting ground for dating. Just sayin. Her hitting on you at church is weird, IMO. Same for men doing it to women. If you become friends through church, great. But, using church to hit on men and women is tacky, IMO. It's often thought that church is a great place to meet people to date, but not if the people are using church mainly as a reason to meet people for dates. And in her case, she seems like that's why she's there mainly....because a true ''Christian'' would not have let a scar hurt your chances of moving forward. Not everyone at church is there for the right reasons.
> 
> Just sayin


I didn't hit on her at church. I've been to church one time in three years. She is an AR clerk for a client I am building a project for.


----------



## *Deidre*

bandit.45 said:


> I didn't hit on her at church. I've been to church one time in three years. She is an AR clerk for a client I am building a project for.


The woman in your OP...this is the same woman? If so, that's who I'm referring to. She hit on you at church.


----------



## RandomDude

Some women like big guys, some women like little guys, some women like scars, some women don't. Numbers game bro. But quite frankly it just seems she's just processing it at the moment. Don't take it too much to heart. She hasn't made her decision.


----------



## bandit.45

RandomDude said:


> Some women like big guys, some women like little guys, some women like scars, some women don't. Numbers game bro. But quite frankly it just seems she's just processing it at the moment. Don't take it too much to heart. She hasn't made her decision.


Oh I'm not. It's no longer a big deal to me. Just another date that didn't turn out the way I would have liked. I hold nothing against her. In her mind her reasons were her reasons. 

Onwards and upwards.


----------



## bandit.45

*Deidre* said:


> The woman in your OP...this is the same woman? If so, that's who I'm referring to. She hit on you at church.


No. That was an elderly church lady who I was sitting behind in church. She liked my singing voice. I'm a pretty good baritone. She was surprised I was there alone and just complimented me. She was very sweet.


----------



## *Deidre*

bandit.45 said:


> No. That was an elderly church lady who I was sitting behind in church. She liked my singing voice. I'm a pretty good baritone. She was surprised I was there alone and just complimented me. She was very sweet.


Ahhhh....ok  Sorry, I mixed that up.

But, my comment still stands...women and men shouldn't use church as a hunting ground for dating.


----------



## bandit.45

*Deidre* said:


> Ahhhh....ok  Sorry, I mixed that up.
> 
> But, my comment still stands...women and men shouldn't use church as a hunting ground for dating.


Agreed. But, you have to admit it's better than meeting at a sleazy bar.


----------



## RandomDude

bandit.45 said:


> Oh I'm not. It's no longer a big deal to me. Just another date that didn't turn out the way I would have liked. I hold nothing against her. In her mind her reasons were her reasons.
> 
> Onwards and upwards.


:smthumbup:



*Deidre* said:


> Ahhhh....ok  Sorry, I mixed that up.
> 
> But, my comment still stands...women and men shouldn't use church as a hunting ground for dating.


Ey? Why not? 

First wife I met at a church of all places, and I'm not even Christian lol... but yeah bad decision on my part in the long run (only because I don't share the faith) - but it's still a good place to hookup and hey people do it all the time! 
Never religious though, just... good girls, bad boys and all


----------



## *Deidre*

bandit.45 said:


> Agreed. But, you have to admit it's better than meeting at a sleazy bar.


I guess, I don't view church as everyone who attends on a regular basis is a good person. I know more atheists who actually treat others better than many Christians I know. So, you could meet a great person at a bar...and a sleazy woman at church, but on the outside, it might seem the opposite. 

There are singles groups at church that do community things together, those are great places to meet people because it seems like it would happen more naturally...than walking up to someone and hitting on them out of the blue.

Honestly, most of my relationships, including this one with my fiance, all stemmed from friendships...mutual friends introducing us, and forming friendships, first. Chemistry has to be there, though...the friendships wouldn't have escalated if there wasn't chemistry on both parts.


----------



## bandit.45

Well me and this gal have chemistry through the roof. That is what was so frustrating.


----------



## *Deidre*

RandomDude said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> Ey? Why not?
> 
> First wife I met at a church of all places, and I'm not even Christian lol... but yeah bad decision on my part in the long run (only because I don't share the faith) - but it's still a good place to hookup and hey people do it all the time!
> Never religious though, just... good girls, bad boys and all


If someone is using church to 'hook up,' they're just using the church for the wrong reasons. Go on Tinder if you wanna just 'hook up.' lol :wink2:


----------



## *Deidre*

bandit.45 said:


> Well me and this gal havechemistry through the roof. That is what was so frustrating.


The girl who you think is bothered by your scar? The only thing I can think of is, she doesn't want to have to take care of someone, maybe she thinks your health is worse than it is. :scratchhead:


----------



## RandomDude

*Deidre* said:


> If someone is using church to 'hook up,' they're just using the church for the wrong reasons. Go on Tinder if you wanna just 'hook up.' lol :wink2:


Lol but tinder is well... online dating! Besides you know single folks working full-time don't have many avenues short of online dating these days, and online dating... SUCKS!

I fully endorse old-schoolness  And asking for directions/time or mistaking people for someone else just to find an excuse to approach the lovely lady on the street does get old.

Besides you said yourself:


*Deidre* said:


> those are great places to meet people because it seems like it would happen more naturally...than walking up to someone and hitting on them out of the blue.


So... church hookups FTW! :yay:


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## bandit.45

*Deidre* said:


> The girl who you think is bothered by your scar? The only thing I can think of is, she doesn't want to have to take care of someone, maybe she thinks your health is worse than it is. :scratchhead:


Probably so. I'm not old but I've had health issues. Valley Fever, arthritis in my feet and hands, and ticker problems. Otherwise I am in good health. 

Women these days are cautious. I don't blame her.

And she isn't a girl. She's a very well put together 50 year old.


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## MrsHolland

Do you usually pre warn women about the scars before the clothes come off? I'm going to defend her, not having a go at you though. As a person that has a very weak stomach (have many times failed my kids when they have blood gushing out, can't watch medical shows on TV etc) I may well have reacted as she did. Honestly mate I think it would be better to discuss this before you take your gear off, even use it as an excuse to take your shirt off, show and tell if you like.

It is unfair for her to have been called out as a bad person, loser as said by some of the PP's. Just because someone has a weak stomach does not mean they are a bad person. You may do better by being more upfront about this.


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## Rowan

My SO has a serious heart condition, and a pretty wicked scar from having a pacemaker/defibrillator put in several years ago. The device is clearly apparent under the skin as well. He brought it up on our third date and explained his medical history and his prognosis. I could tell by the way he went about it that his main goal was to see if I were going to freak out on him. I could also tell it was a subject of vulnerability for him. 

We've talked about it since, and he's confirmed that he'd had women he was interested in who were turned off - by either the scar or the medical condition. Since his surgery, he'd become mindful to explain it to new women before things progressed to the point of seeing one another naked. Apparently, he'd had a few very uncomfortable moments of women reacting quite badly to the obvious cardiac surgery scar. So, I'm guessing that your experience, Bandit, was, sadly, not entirely uncommon.


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## Lila

How fresh are the scars? And how big? 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## 225985

RandomDude said:


> Lol but tinder is well... online dating! Besides you know single folks working full-time don't have many avenues short of online dating these days, and online dating... SUCKS!
> 
> 
> 
> I fully endorse old-schoolness  And asking for directions/time or mistaking people for someone else just to find an excuse to approach the lovely lady on the street does get old.
> 
> 
> 
> Besides you said yourself:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> So... church hookups FTW! :yay:




Do you find your FWBs from church?

(Just filing away information for potential future use)


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## RandomDude

Not anymore, as they all chased me away  hahaha


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## bandit.45

MrsHolland said:


> Do you usually pre warn women about the scars before the clothes come off? I'm going to defend her, not having a go at you though. As a person that has a very weak stomach (have many times failed my kids when they have blood gushing out, can't watch medical shows on TV etc) I may well have reacted as she did. Honestly mate I think it would be better to discuss this before you take your gear off, even use it as an excuse to take your shirt off, show and tell if you like.
> 
> It is unfair for her to have been called out as a bad person, loser as said by some of the PP's. Just because someone has a weak stomach does not mean they are a bad person. You may do better by being more upfront about this.


My scars are not like long cut mark scars. They look like small craters. You cannot see them through my chest hair. I just didn't think about them. I was thinking about how I was going to get her bra off.


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## bandit.45

Lila said:


> How fresh are the scars? And how big?
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


There are five. They look like small craters, about a half inch wide and a bit pink around the edges. I'm a rug, so you cannot detect them unless you are feeling my chest.


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## MrsHolland

bandit.45 said:


> My scars are not like long cut mark scars. They look like small craters. You cannot see them through my chest hair. _*I just didn't think about them. I was thinking about how I was going to get her bra off.*_


I get it that you want to leave it be and not pursue this woman but if she has a half decent SOH then the above line could be a very funny intro back into her world.


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## bandit.45

MrsHolland said:


> I get it that you want to leave it be and not pursue this woman but if she has a half decent SOH then the above line could be a very funny intro back into her world.


Yeah. I will see her tomorrow. It will be interesting.


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## sidney2718

bandit.45 said:


> There are five. They look like small craters, about a half inch wide and a bit pink around the edges. I'm a rug, so you cannot detect them unless you are feeling my chest.


Yeah. I've lost a gall bladder. Microsurgery. Four points of entry, one being my belly button. One other is on my lower chest, the other on my abdomen. Luckily all are rather small and don't look like much. 

I think your best bet is to be upfront about them. Tell them about your "war wounds". Which war? You and the hospital's billing department.


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## Curse of Millhaven

I agree with MrsH. I don’t think people should automatically condemn this woman because she pulled in the reins. 

She may have gotten scared/grown cautious at the scars and admission of a heart condition. Maybe she doesn’t know how this would impact you during sex? I don’t know. Perhaps her tunnel of love is a powerful ride and she feared you would not survive the trip.

Or maybe the scars bothered her for psychological reasons, like she’s squeamish as MrsH has suggested. I could see that happening. 

It wouldn’t bother me, but little does. I think scars are beautiful in their way; they’re topographical maps to the history of us. 

Anyway, I wouldn’t automatically write her off. You did say she gave you a nice parting kiss. That’s encouraging. Maybe she just needs time to process. 

Or… if it’s not meant to be with her, then I wish you well with the next lady. I know you’ll pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get right back on that horse. Happy trails!


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## alte Dame

I also think you can't really tell what she was thinking. I lost my mother in her 40's to heart disease & it scared the bejeezus out of me for a long time. It wasn't rational or judgmental, just emotional.

Since your chemistry was so good, I'm hoping things get back on track with her. You never know.


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## EllisRedding

bandit.45 said:


> Go gay huh?


Well, if you are going to do it, I say do it right and go G4P


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## SimplyAmorous

bandit.45 said:


> Agreed. But, you have to admit it's better than meeting at a sleazy bar.


I'd much rather our sons & daughter to meet their future spouses this way....Bars.. hell [email protected]#


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## Andy1001

Going back to your original question about girls being "into"big guys.My gf used to own a gym/health studio and there was every size man and woman using it.There was guys into the heavy weights all the way to guys who would just use the threadmill or stationary bike for a half hour.I would be in there with her and I could overhear the trainers (mostly girls)discussing how attractive or not some of the men were.The impression I got was a confident man with a sense of humour would always get their attention.But there is a blurry line between confidence and arrogance and what some liked others didn't.Most of them liked strong masculine men but for some reason the really ribbbed guys didn't attract them.I often heard the girls say about some guy "there isn't enough mirrors here for him".If you can talk to a woman and give your attention then you are halfway there.
You say you are 46 so the women in your age group are not going to be easily bull****ted and will have had previous relationships so unless they are airheads will know a decent guy doesn't have to look like Tom Cruise.
I'm 6.1 and weigh between 185 and 195 since I was about eighteen and I have never had any problems attracting women.
As for picking up women in church I thought you were a snake handler.lol.


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## bandit.45

alte Dame said:


> I also think you can't really tell what she was thinking. I lost my mother in her 40's to heart disease & it scared the bejeezus out of me for a long time. It wasn't rational or judgmental, just emotional.
> 
> Since your chemistry was so good, I'm hoping things get back on track with her. You never know.


I just talked to her this morning after the meeting. She claims the reason she stopped is because we were going too fast and she didn't want to have sex on the first date. She apologized and said she was sorry for getting too amorous and letting it go to far. 

I asked her about my scars and if they bothered her, and come to find out her father had three heart surgeries and it really put the family through the ringer. I asked her if she was afraid to get involved with a guy with past heart issues and she said yes, and then said she would still like to go out on friendly dates. I said "sure"....

Of course I'm a lying sack of sh!t. I'll be cordial to her until this project is over but I won't be asking her out again.


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## doureallycare2

My x husband was tall and lean, I'm not sure if that is why I drift for the tall and beefy when dating. One note on that though is they have to be fit enough to do easy walks/hikes and are not lazy.


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## Cynthia

bandit.45 said:


> I just talked to her this morning after the meeting. She claims the reason she stopped is because we were going too fast and she didn't want to have sex on the first date. She apologized and said she was sorry for getting too amorous and letting it go to far.
> 
> I asked her about my scars and if they bothered her, and come to find out her father had three heart surgeries and it really put the family through the ringer. I asked her if she was afraid to get involved with a guy with past heart issues and she said yes, and then said she would still like to go out on friendly dates. I said "sure"....
> 
> Of course I'm a lying sack of sh!t. I'll be cordial to her until this project is over but I won't be asking her out again.


I think she's telling you that she really likes you, but is a little scared and wants to take it slower. I wouldn't count her out at this point. She seems a little nervous, but interested.


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## notmyrealname4

This heart attack/chest scars talk reminds me of those commercials for Viagra/cialis etc. where they say "ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex"


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## Andy1001

notmyrealname4 said:


> This heart attack/chest scars talk reminds me of those commercials for Viagra/cialis etc. where they say "ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex"


I knew a guy who was an electrician working on construction who had a heart attack and started driving taxis instead.He was well known for playing around but one night he had his side piece with him in a local beauty spot and he had another attack and died.The woman had to call 911 and of course the cops turned up too.The taxi driver was naked and she couldn't move him from the back of the car,it was the biggest news story in my town for weeks.


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## bandit.45

CynthiaDe said:


> I think she's telling you that she really likes you, but is a little scared and wants to take it slower. I wouldn't count her out at this point. She seems a little nervous, but interested.


Nah. I'm not going out with a woman who's worried I'm going to croak the first time we have sex. A quarter of the time I have ED under the best of circumstances, so I don't need more performance anxiety on top of it. I'll pass.


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## Cynthia

bandit.45 said:


> Nah. I'm not going out with a woman who's worried I'm going to croak the first time we have sex. A quarter of the time I have ED under the best of circumstances, so I don't need more performance anxiety on top of it. I'll pass.


lol That would be a difficult situation for both people involved. I can see your point. 

Maybe next time bring up your surgery in casual conversation and the wonders of medical science and how your issue was completely resolved. Personally, I think it's fascinating and wonderful. I'm glad it worked and you are well. On the other hand, it's not me you need to impress, but if I were single and a man told me about the same thing, it wouldn't bother me at all. If it suddenly showed up and I had no idea, it would throw me off. The last thing a woman wants is a man dying on her in the throws of ecstasy.


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## Andy1001

CynthiaDe said:


> lol That would be a difficult situation for both people involved. I can see your point.
> 
> Maybe next time bring up your surgery in casual conversation and the wonders of medical science and how your issue was completely resolved. Personally, I think it's fascinating and wonderful. I'm glad it worked and you are well. On the other hand, it's not me you need to impress, but if I were single and a man told me about the same thing, it wouldn't bother me at all. If it suddenly showed up and I had no idea, it would throw me off. The last thing a woman wants is a man dying on her in the throws of ecstasy.


That's the way I want to go.


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## AlphaMale74

I'm 5' 10", 235 lbs, and about 10% body fat. I body build. A lot of my wife's friends compliment me on how I look and my muscles. I think most women would prefer a built, big guy as opposed to a skinny-fat, dad bod dude. Of course personality is very important as well and how you carry yourself. 

Sent from my SHIELD Tablet using Tapatalk


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## bandit.45

AlphaMale74 said:


> I'm 5' 10", 235 lbs, and about 10% body fat. I body build. A lot of my wife's friends compliment me on how I look and my muscles. I think most women would prefer a built, big guy as opposed to a skinny-fat, dad bod dude. Of course personality is very important as well and how you carry yourself.
> 
> Sent from my SHIELD Tablet using Tapatalk


I dunno. I'm not a woman.


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## Bibi1031

I like my men big. Football player big. And no, I'm not talking about the skinny quarterbacks. The dumb chearleaders can have those.:grin2: I'm with the poster that stated that big men give some women a sense of protection. I guess that is why big men are more my type.

I don't care for money either as I have always worked, I will not be carried on any man"s back economically, and I will not carry any man on my back either. 

I just want a good, carving man that has my back like I will have his. I miss having that warm,strong chest to lean on when life's moments get a tad too difficult to get through all alone.


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## Bibi1031

AlphaMale74 said:


> I'm 5' 10", 235 lbs, and about 10% body fat. I body build. A lot of my wife's friends compliment me on how I look and my muscles. I think most women would prefer a built, big guy as opposed to a skinny-fat, dad bod dude. Of course personality is very important as well and how you carry yourself.
> 
> Sent from my SHIELD Tablet using Tapatalk


Dunno, I like my men less muscular and with more than just 10% fat on them. I want a chest that is strong yet soft to lean my head against and not a wall of hard muscle. 

I want a man that loves me and not his body more or the admiration of more females. Too much attention craving for my taste. 

That to me is the male version of arm candy.


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## GusPolinski

AlphaMale74 said:


> I'm 5' 10", 235 lbs, and about 10% body fat. I body build. A lot of my wife's friends compliment me on how I look and my muscles. I think most women would prefer a built, big guy as opposed to a skinny-fat, dad bod dude. Of course personality is very important as well and how you carry yourself.
> 
> Sent from my SHIELD Tablet using Tapatalk


Totally unrelated but dude -- sweet tablet.

Does it overheat at all?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating

bandit.45 said:


> I just talked to her this morning after the meeting. She claims the reason she stopped is because we were going too fast and she didn't want to have sex on the first date. She apologized and said she was sorry for getting too amorous and letting it go to far.
> 
> I asked her about my scars and if they bothered her, and come to find out her father had three heart surgeries and it really put the family through the ringer. I asked her if she was afraid to get involved with a guy with past heart issues and she said yes, and then said she would still like to go out on friendly dates. I said "sure"....
> 
> Of course I'm a lying sack of sh!t. I'll be cordial to her until this project is over but I won't be asking her out again.


I'm glad you learned this - by being upfront and asking if the scars bothered her. It was a trigger for her. It wasn't about you (if that makes sense).


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## heartsbeating

Even if you had told her beforehand, her reaction would have been similar.


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## 225985

Bibi1031 said:


> Dunno, I like my men less muscular and with more than just 10% fat on them. I want a chest that is strong yet soft to lean my head against and not a wall of hard muscle.
> 
> 
> 
> I want a man that loves me and not his body more or the admiration of more females. Too much attention craving for my taste.
> 
> 
> 
> That to me is the male version of arm candy.




I can understand that. My wife wants me add a few pounds of "cushion. "


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## bandit.45

AlphaMale74 said:


> I'm 5' 10", 235 lbs, and about 10% body fat. I body build. A lot of my wife's friends compliment me on how I look and my muscles. I think most women would prefer a built, big guy as opposed to a skinny-fat, dad bod dude. Of course personality is very important as well and how you carry yourself.
> 
> Sent from my SHIELD Tablet using Tapatalk


I'll never get that cut.


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## Middle of Everything

bandit.45 said:


> I'll never get that cut.


Thats fine. We need you to block for us.
You can play undersized center. Alpha at Fullback. If I drop a few pounds I can run behind you guys. 

Hmmmmm. A Tam football team. 

I call RB or SS

Or punter if some of the guys are too big and scary. :grin2:


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## bandit.45

Middle of Everything said:


> Thats fine. We need you to block for us.
> You can play undersized center. Alpha at Fullback. If I drop a few pounds I can run behind you guys.
> 
> Hmmmmm. A Tam football team.
> 
> I call RB or SS
> 
> Or punter if some of the guys are too big and scary. :grin2:


No, I'm a defensive tackle. All-State back in H.S.


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## Middle of Everything

bandit.45 said:


> No, I'm a defensive tackle. All-State back in H.S.


Ndamukong?


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## bandit.45

Middle of Everything said:


> Ndamukong?


:|


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## MrsHolland

AlphaMale74 said:


> I'm 5' 10", 235 lbs, and about 10% body fat. I body build. A lot of my wife's friends compliment me on how I look and my muscles. I think most women would prefer a built, big guy as opposed to a skinny-fat, dad bod dude. Of course personality is very important as well and how you carry yourself.
> 
> Sent from my SHIELD Tablet using Tapatalk


I got the impression that the thread was more about big guys as in tall and wide, not just big muscles. Tall to me is over 6". Big and burly is not about muscles, actually too muscular is a turn off for many women.

Personality is really important of course but in the context of this thread not so relevant. The tall and broad is more a visual at first, it has to be backed up with a great personality etc. But it is the tall and broad that is the perv factor.

Throw in a suit and tie and life doesn't get much better.


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## Middle of Everything

bandit.45 said:


> :|


Not sure what the straight mouthed guy means.
But I think Such kicks a$$ by the way. He is a former Husker after all.


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## jb02157

SimplyAmorous said:


> Just countering this a bit... Every time I see a thread here where women are attracted to older men or it wouldn't bother them... I don't understand it... I have never been attracted to older men.. I wouldn't care if they were a millionaire.. younger is hotter.. at least our own age...
> 
> I'm not one who would put looks above everything.. but a man has to be good looking "enough" that if I was standing on the other side of the room.. I would see him and think.. "hmmm not too bad!"... enough to catch my eye... I need THIS ... and of course.. it's so much MORE than just that... unless one was just looking to get laid....
> 
> But really...Big money would never satisfy me .. as I highly enjoy the sharing... lots of affection and getting lusty... If I was foolish enough to marry for money - and not the "romantic"... I will say this honestly..... I would feel trapped.. like I settled and I'd be bored...very bored... shopping till I dropped or hanging out with girlfriends taking trips to Hawaii or with a man I was half attracted to, if at all... would be dreadful.......I'd surely be looking over the fence feeling I missed out... or salivating over the Hot gardener working outside...
> 
> I need to admire a man & find him "hot" enough... that his body style rocks my world.. the financial is purely secondary to me..


I agree with everything you say here, but it's the individuals choice. I think most women would be attracted to money rather than looks and thank goodness to, otherwise, I'd never attract someone.


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## Lauranie

Broad shoulders, big chest, strong hands… sigh... yeah that’s beautiful. But it’s so much more than that. I’m small, 5’3”. But my personality is huge, I’m strong minded and of above average intelligence. I need a man who not only can match me in strength of personality, but one who’s confidence won’t be cowed. 
Like many women, I like to feel protected, to feel empowered by a male, but it’s not needed, it’s more of an aphrodisiac. A man who is equal parts savage and gentle. 
Between the sheets though, that’s where a man’s nature really shines. A man who’s large, strong and has his eyes filled with mammalian lust, need and drive. Whimpers… it’s been far too long. 
Simply cannot imagine the best of sex without a man large enough to make it feel like a challenge.


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## MrsHolland

Lauranie said:


> *Broad shoulders, big chest, strong hands… sigh... yeah that’s beautiful. But it’s so much more than that. I’m small, 5’3”. But my personality is huge, I’m strong minded and of above average intelligence. I need a man who not only can match me in strength of personality, but one who’s confidence won’t be cowed.
> Like many women, I like to feel protected, to feel empowered by a male, but it’s not needed, it’s more of an aphrodisiac. A man who is equal parts savage and gentile.
> Between the sheets though, that’s where a man’s nature really shines. A man who’s large, strong and has his eyes filled with mammalian lust, need and drive. * Whimpers… it’s been far too long.
> Simply cannot imagine the best of sex without a man large enough to make it feel like a challenge.


Yes, yes and yes 



> I think most women would be attracted to money rather than looks


 Both are a non negotiable for me, a man has to be good looking and have money.


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## Emerging Buddhist

Lauranie said:


> A man who is equal parts savage and *gentile*.


I had something witty to say but it is best kept to myself...


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## Lauranie

sigh... dyslexic... thank goodness Dog gave me a good sense of humor too


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## 225985

bandit.45 said:


> I'll never get that cut.




He's an endomorph. I'm an ectomorph. I physically cannot get that ripped.


----------

