# pelvic area aches without nightly sex



## starving (Sep 9, 2010)

ok I need to know if I'm the only person with this problem I have always had a very high sex drive me & my husband have been together for 28 years. When we first meet we had sex 2 & 3 times a day. As time went on this of course slowed down I am now 46 he is 50 I could still have sex twice a day but would settle for once. We have sex about once every 2 or 3 days at the most. Problem is When I don't have sex every day my Genital area aches like crazy I have tried to explain this to him saying it might be like a man having blue balls but because I'm not a man he flips out and says that's imposable. All I know is that it really aches. I don't know how else to explain this to him. And I need to know if other women have the same problem. It's like I have to have an orgasm every day or I'm going to explode down there.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You need to see a dr. go to your gyn. ask him/her. It maybe due to vaginal dryness.


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## dazedbeauty (Sep 25, 2010)

Could be your hormones? Get them checked, this is a shot in the dark, but do you think maybe you are addicted to sex and the feeling you get is due to psychological reasons and they manifest physically? 
Then again, maybe you are just one of those women that need it more than the average? Not sure.... 
Either way, if you are having strange symptoms, go to your gyn. 
db


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

When we women get aroused, our genital area gets engorged with blood. When I get this way, it does lower my ability to concentrate on work; however, it has just been pleasurable and not risen to achiness. Probably you have a higher sex drive than I do, more engorgement?

I think that the higher-sex partner has to sometimes masturbate. We can't always expect the lower-sex partner to be accomodating every time.


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## notsocool (Jul 4, 2010)

I dont think there is anything wrong with you. I am female, 48 and the same thing happens to me, though not quite as often as you.

Have always assumed it is normal and if I'm not having sex, then just have to take care of things myself to make the distraction and the ache go away.


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## starving (Sep 9, 2010)

glad to hear I'm not alone I was beginning to wonder. There are times I feel like I'm the only one going thru this.


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## OpenMindedGuy (Oct 8, 2010)

It's good to know that there are women out there with healthy sex drives.


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## notsocool (Jul 4, 2010)

I remember some years ago trying to explain the feeling to my husband and him looking at me like I was crazy when I said it actually hurts.

As another poster said, I believe it is just engorgement, but it seems to stay that way, the only way to get rid of it is orgasm. With me sometimes takes two or three before I feel back to normal, oh well, can think of worse problems to have..


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

All I can say is Hitachi magic wand! Or a sonicare toothbrush with the bristles removed.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You likely just have pelvic congestion from getting excited without an orgasm. Yeah, equiv. of blueballs.

And you can solve that by getting your self off if he can't or won't.

However, you really ought to get checked out. You could have something like pelvic inflammation or an STD, or something else.

Worth having a gyn take a look see.


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## notsocool (Jul 4, 2010)

"Or a sonicare toothbrush with the bristles removed". :rofl:


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

starving said:


> ok I need to know if I'm the only person with this problem I have always had a very high sex drive me & my husband have been together for 28 years. When we first meet we had sex 2 & 3 times a day. As time went on this of course slowed down I am now 46 he is 50 I could still have sex twice a day but would settle for once. We have sex about once every 2 or 3 days at the most. Problem is When I don't have sex every day my Genital area aches like crazy I have tried to explain this to him saying it might be like a man having blue balls but because I'm not a man he flips out and says that's imposable. All I know is that it really aches. I don't know how else to explain this to him. And I need to know if other women have the same problem. It's like I have to have an orgasm every day or I'm going to explode down there.


Before you go running off to the doctor, let me save you a ton of money and headaches and other aches. Don't waste your time on the doctor for this. Almost all scientific studies have been conducted on males. Almost all medication dosages are based on male weights, when in actuality women metabolise medicine differently than men. That is a very recent scientific fact.

Besides, you know your own body better than any doctor who sees you for five minutes. It sounds like you know already that these pelvic aches coincide with the drop in sexual activity at home. 

A few more points to put your mind at ease:If a male said he needed sex every day, they would call him healthy. And yet, because you a FEMALE say you need it every day, you are sick? I don't think so. I have the same problem and I have the solution. Go buy yourself some good quality sex toys, like the hitachi. Try to talk calmly with your husband about how you two were active 3x/day and now not so often and you miss that with him. He needs to compromise on your needs. He might be feeling sensitive about the issue,because he isn't able to have as frequent errections as he once did. Therefore, be gentle with your approach. If he gets defensive, then break out the toys. Maybe he might be interested in more frequent sex if the toys are introduced as a way to spice things up. After all, I hope he likes to please you too. Good luck and don't feel bad. You just have a healthy sex drive.


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## workin' (Jun 3, 2010)

Sorry but, I disagree with not getting a full gynecological check-up. ANY discomfort in the pelvic area could be a symptom of infection, menopause complications, cancer, etc. The discomfort that is relieved by sex could be any of these(or others) where the physical changes from orgasm affect that area, including release of hormones, endorphins, muscle contractions, etc.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

It isn't in the normal range of sensations to have a feeling of pelvic congestion, blue "balls", absent sustained stimulation.

If your setpoint of sensations is unrelieved sexual tension to the point of discomfort, then it is not out of line to have a doctor visit to see of there is something wrong.

It's not being alarmist to think that.

In the meantime, definitely find some way to relieve the tension.


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## starving (Sep 9, 2010)

first off let me set every ones mind at ease I just had my yearly check up and am in tip top shape. This has nothing to do with a medical issue. I just have a very high sex drive. I have tried to talk with my husband about it but he gets very defensive. He feels that it is his responsibility to take care of this problem and that he is failing me. I try not to let it get to me, but him getting mad at me about it doesn't help.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x Blue Balls Describes a Temporary, Minor Pain
The condition usually does not last long and the level of pain associated with blue balls is usually minor and can be exaggerated. Most men have been socialized to ejaculate when they get an erection during sexual activity. Failure to ejaculate and to feel orgasm often adds frustration and disappointment to the reality of the physical sensation.

Men who believe that they should ejaculate every time they have an erection are likely to exert pressure on their partner to proceed with sex without taking her feelings into consideration.

Some men find that masturbation is a viable solution and are realizing that ejaculation is not a requirement in every sexual situation. This attitude allows both men and their partners to relax more and to learn that pleasure and meaning can exist without having to reach ejaculation and orgasm during every sexual encounter. 
Men are not alone in experiencing the discomfort of unrelieved vasocongestion. *Women's genitals also become engorged with blood during sexual arousal and, like their male counterparts, women can experience pelvic heaviness and aching if they do not reach orgasm.*
Copyright 2002 Sinclair Intimacy Institute
_I found this online on discoveryhealth.com to help you._


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

starving said:


> first off let me set every ones mind at ease I just had my yearly check up and am in tip top shape. This has nothing to do with a medical issue. I just have a very high sex drive. I have tried to talk with my husband about it but he gets very defensive. He feels that it is his responsibility to take care of this problem and that he is failing me. I try not to let it get to me, but him getting mad at me about it doesn't help.


Are you saying he would be angry if you took care of yourself? 
Hmm, if that's the case and he really wants things better, then he could go see an endochrinologist. Sometimes a testosterone gel or shot will help him get his spring back. I recommend you go with him to talk to the doctor with him. Men sometimes have a difficult time talking to doctors about these things. If he doesn't want that, and refuses to let you take care of yourself, then I suggest a counselor to help him understand that this is a real need of yours and you deserve to have your needs met one way or another, whether he meets your needs or you meet your needs. Perhaps a sex therapist could help him understand that it's okay for you to take care of yourself from time to time and it isn't against him. It's perfectly normal that people's sex drives go up and down over time and are not always matched up perfectly.


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## starving (Sep 9, 2010)

he doesn't have a problem performing. He works hard and is frequently too tired at night. I do my best to understand things from his point of view.He also feels that masturbation is a form of cheating. I do not agree with this and have on occasion told him that if felt the need to relieve himself to do so. recently he did tell me to take care of myself, but it was in such a manner that I did not feel comfortable doing so. As I knew that we would fight about it in the days to come


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

starving said:


> he doesn't have a problem performing. He works hard and is frequently too tired at night. I do my best to understand things from his point of view.He also feels that masturbation is a form of cheating. I do not agree with this and have on occasion told him that if felt the need to relieve himself to do so. recently he did tell me to take care of myself, but it was in such a manner that I did not feel comfortable doing so. As I knew that we would fight about it in the days to come


It sounds like he is feeling defeated if you do masterbate, because he wanted to take care of you. It's understandable that he would feel a little hurt, but you have needs too. The fact that you are telling me he is more tired is exactly what I am saying about testosterone. If he really wants to take care of you, I'll tell you that men I have known who used testosterone were hopping around like rabbits. Both men and women have testosterone in their system, men having more, but if that gets low, then we feel tired, drained. Would he still be upset about seeing a doctor if it were to take care of you or put your mind at ease? Testosterone lowers in males as they age, but he doesn't have to unless he wants to. Maybe if you just ask him to go to the doctor to see why he's so tired and if the doctor couldn't do something about it. Otherwise he will have to come to grips with you taking care of yourself. It's not cheating unless you masterbate and reject him. In our society, many are taught that masterbation is bad, but seriously, how does one learn what they really like otherwise? My last suggestion is to go look at betty dodson's website. She is a sex educator and maybe if your husband saw some of the free videos or articles on couples there, it might open up his mind a little. My husband was a little resistant at first, but by the third video he realized that she was not against anyone and was presenting information in a positive light without passing judgement on anyone.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I seriously doubt her husband will qualify for Testosterone treatment by an Encronologist. My husband could not keep up with me sexually either (in his mid 40's), he was not LOW enough to be prescribed Testosterone treatment. One's levels must be really low, and if not, he will have to have GRAVE symptoms. Just a slower refactory period in comparison to his younger years and being tired at night after working is - just normal. Once you are put on this medication, a man's body will no longer manufacture Testosterone, he will become dependent on this hormone. Alot of trial & error in the beginning to get it regulated too. If a man does not truly need it, it may have no effect at all. 

What CAN help is to get some Viagra !! If he truly doesn't want you using other means (my husband didn't either) then he will be happy to swallow this on those nights when he is not feeling as lustful as you, but cares to connect & please you. Docs will usually give you a sample pack of this if you ask. Even cutting some of these down in slithers worked well for my husband. 

I never felt an achiness , but I was WET all the time. I went to my obgyn, and they just told me to "enjoy it " and so I did, that constant wetness lasted me about 8 full months, my mind was in sexual overdrive, I wanted an orgasm 3 times a day, I felt I was driving my husband mad, I even caused him some performance pressure for goodness sakes, then my drive slowed down some. 

Not I am not undressing every man I see out in public (seriously my fantasies were taking flight in every direction), I can be quite content with once a day or even skip a day here & there. 

Enjoy!


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## LaceyRain3 (Oct 13, 2010)

I have experienced something similar in the last several years and I think for me it has been MOSTLY hormones raging. I never had a sex drive like I've had in the last two years. It feels like I'm having another set of teenage years. (I'm in my fifties)

My spouse didn't get it at first because he has slowed down but he gradually got the picture and is delighted to help me out - most of the time. 

BUT I told you all of that so that I can tell you this.... I went through a phase at one point where I could not concentrate for DAYS. I was so distracted. My nether-regions seemed to be quivering on their own, pulsating without good reason it seemed like. I was "taking care of it" myself like crazy because orgasms seemed to chase it away - for a while. Then it would come back, sometimes after only a few hours.

THEN I remembered a TV show I saw on 'PSAS' - Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome. Google it yourself and read the articles. 

Most of the women that have been featured in articles for this syndrome seem to have it really bad - like a 6 to10 on a scale of 1-10. AND some of them can't shut it off at all, it's going all the time. (Not all, for some it goes away for a while then comes back). 

BUT I believe there are MANY of us out there that have this syndrome at a level of 1-3 where we can handle it through our usual sex lives. That's my theory anyway based on my own experience. 

But seriously, do some reading on PSAS and let us know what you think.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I seriously doubt her husband will qualify for Testosterone treatment by an Encronologist. My husband could not keep up with me sexually either (in his mid 40's), he was not LOW enough to be prescribed Testosterone treatment. One's levels must be really low, and if not, he will have to have GRAVE symptoms. Just a slower refactory period in comparison to his younger years and being tired at night after working is - just normal. Once you are put on this medication, a man's body will no longer manufacture Testosterone, he will become dependent on this hormone. Alot of trial & error in the beginning to get it regulated too. If a man does not truly need it, it may have no effect at all.


Did you try to get shots or androgel and get turned down by a doctor? I know people personally who have gotten it whose levels were not so low. One guys was normal, but he wanted to buff up, anothers two were a little low. All three have gone off of it and their bodies stilll produce testosterone. I know them well enough that I've seen test results. Perhaps you went to a doctor who said no, but there are doctors who do it. I'm tell you so you know that I based my suggestion on facts. I also know that doctors have as many different opinions as there are colors in a rainbow, so I understand if you had a different experience and a doctor told you he refused to give it because then your husband would be dependent. I'm telling you from what I've seen, that is not the case.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

To Candice 912's point the double standard that exists is sad. It is the source, IMHO of much guilt and hangups women experience. I think women often supress desires to experiment because deep down society has looked down on women's sexuality. Luckily this is changing but, has a way to go. Personally, i think it is cool for a women to have your kind of drive but, as others said as your husband ages and his performance may wane, this may become the source of frustration. The introduction of toys would seem to be a good thing to do as a "spice it up notion" and can migrate to a "take care of yourself thing". A mans sense of worth is tied to his Di#% and its ability to perform so tread carefully. 

Funny how is seems normal to accept the notion of blue balls but, not what you are describing. 

Still, even if it turns out to be the result of simple lack of "release", it could be going on in conjuction with a harmful situation. Release in this case would simply relieve you of the symptom but, the underlying cause could still be there. Probably nothing but, better safe than sorry.


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