# Good sex without orgasm?



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Let me first say that I cannot remember the last time my wife and I had sex when she did NOT have an orgasm.

So last night was Tuesday which is obviously sex night. I start slow with lots of foreplay, as usual. However, she kept pushing herself on to me to penetrate. Normally I have to take this step slowly because I am on the larger side of average.

She kept wanting me to go deeper and faster from the get go which is very unusual. After a time, I simply asked her point blank, "do you want me to f$ck you hard?" She said "yes, yes" so I gave her what she wanted.

Thing is, it did not seem she cared if she has an orgasm. She simply wanted to be f$cked.....HARD and FAST. I complied and she said that she loved it.

Can a women really enjoy sex like this WITHOUT having an orgasm?
Is it something that women might desire occasionally? Her response was "wow, that was really fun!"

I liked it too.


----------



## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Yes, I've heard some women say they like the feeling of a man they like inside them. It's not about scratching an itch. It's about the sensuality.

You're married 20+ years and doing all this? That gives me a glimmer of hope. Not all relationships turn dead after a decade or so.


----------



## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

Doesn't sound odd to me.
Signed
A 20+ year wife to a great man


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

the2ofus said:


> Doesn't sound odd to me.
> Signed
> A 20+ year wife to a great man


I also asked her if she wanted me to manually give her and orgasm after I came, and she said no.

So good sex is still good without and orgasm, providing you got some other stuff you wanted?

So sometimes you might want it slow and get an orgasm and other times just a good hard pounding without orgasm is ok too?

As a man, it's hard for me to understand why you would not want an orgasm and that it would be enjoyable without one.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

EunuchMonk said:


> Yes, I've heard some women say they like the feeling of a man they like inside them. It's not about scratching an itch. It's about the sensuality.
> 
> You're married 20+ years and doing all this? That gives me a glimmer of hope. Not all relationships turn dead after a decade or so.


Yes, 25 years.
Actually, I think she would have preferred me to just rip her clothes off and just take her. She was pushing to get me inside so fast I could hardly grab the lube in time.

After 25 years I have a big problem trying this without lube because I don't want to hurt her. She has a difficult time telling me what she wants. Her actions just said "f-me, now"

I think sometimes she just wants to be taken, but I have to figure it out myself along the way. If I could read her mind, I would be in much better shape.:smile2:


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

UMP said:


> Let me first say that I cannot remember the last time my wife and I had sex when she did NOT have an orgasm.
> 
> So last night was Tuesday which is obviously sex night. I start slow with lots of foreplay, as usual. However, she kept pushing herself on to me to penetrate. Normally I have to take this step slowly because I am on the larger side of average.
> 
> ...



For me, no sex isn't good without an orgasm. Having said that, given menopause, having sex without orgasm doesn't mean it was bad sex. 

But UMP what you describe is not necessarily orgasmless sex. Providing you lasted long enough, she may well have had an orgasm but because the activity level was so high, it felt different.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> For me, no sex isn't good without an orgasm. Having said that, given menopause, having sex without orgasm doesn't mean it was bad sex.
> 
> But UMP what you describe is not necessarily orgasmless sex. Providing you lasted long enough, she may well have had an orgasm but because the activity level was so high, it felt different.


I was hoping you would respond. She was really into it and just kept urging me on, so I did not last as long as I normally do.
It seemed to me that she just wanted to feel my passion.
She got off on seeing and feeling me "go to town" on her, as it were.

I did ask to finish her off with my hands but she just wanted to lie there with me inside for long time.

The problem for me is that I know nothing ahead of time. I have to evaluate the situation on the fly, which is very difficult to do.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

UMP said:


> I was hoping you would respond. She was really into it and just kept urging me on, so I did not last as long as I normally do.
> It seemed to me that she just wanted to feel my passion.
> She got off on seeing and feeling me "go to town" on her, as it were.
> 
> ...


I get that. It's hard to know where you stand and assess the health of the sex life without feedback. 

The reason why I think she probably did have an orgasm is because the passion you show creates a symbiotic response in her. The more you show the more she feels, the more she feels the easier and closer to orgasm she gets. Your passion heightened the eroticism for her and it is that heightened eroticism that can lead to surprise orgasms. So I'm not convinced she didn't orgasm.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ump, I have great sex without orgasms all the time. I cannot O reliably from PIV. So I have just learned my body really well so I can always get an O if/when I want one. I can have multiple O's, of different types. And I can gush until I drench the bed. I know all the ways and means to get my O's.

So with a lover, I have to show them how to get me there, and I study how they like to get there, and then we see how our bodies line up and how to pleasure each other the most. 

I'm never lacking O's.

Now the thing is though...I don't crave O's. I crave sex. I crave f*cking. I crave slow sensual love making. I crave pounding. I crave being on top and riding him into the sunset. I crave being tossed down on the bed and ravaged. Every possible way of having PIV sex...I crave all of it.

O's happen when I have had enough sex that my body demands a release finally. 

If I'm not getting regular PIV sex, I don't even think of O's. I just think of sex constantly and feel miserable.

And please don't underestimate how much I do love O's. I just love sex so much more than O's that if I had to give up one or the other, it would definitely be O's I gave up.

In conversation, most lovers I have been with have agreed that the sex itself is more satisfying than the O's. The O is a short moment in time, a burst of extreme pleasure. But sex? Sex can literally take me to a place where I feel like I'm high on the best drug ever discovered. I swear I sometimes hear angels singing while I'm in that place.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ump, I have great sex without orgasms all the time. I cannot O reliably from PIV. So I have just learned my body really well so I can always get an O if/when I want one. I can have multiple O's, of different types. And I can gush until I drench the bed. I know all the ways and means to get my O's.
> 
> So with a lover, I have to show them how to get me there, and I study how they like to get there, and then we see how our bodies line up and how to pleasure each other the most.
> 
> ...


Thank you for posting this. It makes me understand a woman more.
Thank you!


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I don't know if your wife feels the way I do or if women in general do either. But I have talked to plenty of women who have described loving sex itself in a way that I resonate with.

In my case, I can feel with my insides. Almost like the inside of your mouth can feel your finger or your tongue or an object. The first 3 or 4 inches inside me has extremely sensitive feeling and I can focus on it and really zoom down into the feeling. I can consciously clamp or suck on his member. Of course that's if we are going slow and sensual.

If he's pounding me, there's a whole different type of feeling and focus. It's more like jumping on a trampoline. It's an adrenaline rush. It's like surfing or skiing. So exhilarating and I never want it to stop.

Though of course reality sets in and you have to stop because the thrill is just so high that you will burst in flames if you don't stop eventually.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> But UMP what you describe is not necessarily orgasmless sex. Providing you lasted long enough, she may well have had an orgasm but because the activity level was so high, it felt different.





Anon Pink said:


> Your passion heightened the eroticism for her and it is that heightened eroticism that can lead to surprise orgasms. So I'm not convinced she didn't orgasm.


So you are saying she may have orgasmed and not known it? Even after 25 years of marriage? If true, I wonder how common this is? I find this fascinating as I too suspect it happens a lot.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I'm never lacking O's.
> 
> Now the thing is though...I don't crave O's. I crave sex.


Guess I'm different. I have sex for the O's. I crave O's. 



Faithful Wife said:


> I just love sex so much more than O's that if I had to give up one or the other, it would definitely be O's I gave up.


For a man, sex without ever having O's would be torture. We experience sex far differently if that's how you feel.


----------



## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> Though of course reality sets in and you have to stop because the thrill is just so high that you will burst in flames if you don't stop eventually.


Huh? I didn't know that was a possibility. Note to self: buy a fire extinguisher for the bedroom


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> So you are saying she may have orgasmed and not known it? Even after 25 years of marriage? If true, I wonder how common this is? I find this fascinating as I too suspect it happens a lot.


No, that's not what I'm saying. I don't think, or maybe I missed it, that UMP said his wife told him she didn't orgasm. He may not have turned the dials and hit the buttons he normally follows to get her to orgasm and so he assumes she didn't. But unless she admitted that she didn't, and I don't think UMP has reported that, it's possible she did. Clear as mud? >


----------



## malpe (Aug 31, 2016)

Yeah, it happens.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

The point I was making was if I could only choose one:

O's by my own hand or a toy but never able to have sex again or...

Sex with a partner in anyway possible but could never O...

I'd take the sex. So would the lovers of mine who I've discussed this with. Because making love to each other (or f*cking each other's brains out) ultimately feels better and causes intimacy. Masturbation does not.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> But unless she admitted that she didn't, and I don't think UMP has reported that, it's possible she did.


She didn't right? Isn't that the title of the thread? 

"Good sex without orgasm"



Anon Pink said:


> Clear as mud? >


Yes


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> The point I was making was if I could only choose one:
> 
> O's by my own hand or a toy but never able to have sex again or...
> 
> ...


Your lovers were all lying. I can virtually guarantee you that.

No man would ever reject orgasms in favor of sex they could not have to completion.

I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Absolutely!!!!

And sometimes we don't want the romance, we want crazy take me over passion. It is exciting!!!


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> The point I was making was if I could only choose one:
> 
> O's by my own hand or a toy but never able to have sex again or...
> 
> ...


I am so glad you posted that. Because it just shows how very different one woman is from the next and we really can't safely, accurately say all women this or that.

I wouldn't even consider never having another O. I am orgasm driven.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Dad... I was trying to have civil discourse with you but you keep resorting to claims that I am lying or anyone who supports what I'm saying is lying. I just can't work with that. 

I did try.

Peace out.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> She didn't right? Isn't that the title of the thread?
> 
> "Good sex without orgasm"
> 
> ...


please see bolded below for further clarification.




Anon Pink said:


> No, that's not what I'm saying. I don't think, or maybe I missed it, that UMP said *his wife told him she didn't orgasm.* He may not have turned the dials and hit the buttons he normally follows to get her to orgasm and so he assumes she didn't. But unless *she admitted that she didn't,* and I don't think UMP has reported that, it's possible she did. Clear as mud? >


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> The point I was making was if I could only choose one:
> 
> O's by my own hand or a toy but never able to have sex again or...
> 
> ...


I believe this clearly describes my W as well (of course the O is always great lol).


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > The point I was making was if I could only choose one:
> ...


Yes I hear you, Anon.

I could make the observation that from what I know of your sex life, you haven't really experienced mind blowing sex with a man who is your physical and emotional ideal, and who is naturally dominant (your preference).

If you could have sex like that...for hours or even days at a time...and learn new things about yourself in every moment....

OR....

You could only masturbate and never have sex again....

Are you sure you'd choose the same way?

I know for certain that before I ever had sex this good with such a fit attractive partner who really knows my mind and body, I would have picked masturbation also.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Dad... I was trying to have civil discourse with you but you keep resorting to claims that I am lying or anyone who supports what I'm saying is lying. I just can't work with that.
> 
> I did try.
> 
> Peace out.


I'm just being real..... I apologize for offending as well. Perhaps I am in the minority? 

Please, I implore any man in this thread to speak up now and tell me you would give up EVER having an orgasm again in exchange for a life of blue balls.

Please, someone back up all her lover's claims. Anyone? I'd love to hear your POV on the subject as a man.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Yes I hear you, Anon.
> 
> I could make the observation that from what I know of your sex life, you haven't really experienced mind blowing sex with a man who is your physical and emotional ideal, and who is naturally dominant (your preference).
> 
> ...



Well damn when you put it like that... Days? Awesome!


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Also Anon.... I would like to caveat my pick here...

If my options were between sex that was only ok and not mind blowing, I'd probably pick the masturbation too. Even now that I have had great sex and know the difference.

So-so sex is less fun than masturbating.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Yes I hear you, Anon.
> ...


Yes....days. 

Not saying every man can deliver this.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> I'm just being real..... I apologize also for offending. Perhaps I am in the minority.
> 
> Please, I implore any man in this thread to speak up now and tell me you would give up EVER having an orgasm in exchange for a life of blue balls.
> 
> Please, someone back up all her lover's claims. Anyone? I'd love to hear your POV on the subject as a man.


Man here.
Sex without an orgasm would be = to torture.
Literally. I would probably lose my mind.


----------



## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

UMP said:


> Yes, 25 years.
> If I could read her mind, I would be in much better shape.:smile2:


wouldn't we all


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

BetrayedDad said:


> I'm just being real..... I apologize also for offending. Perhaps I am in the minority.
> 
> Please, I implore any man in this thread to speak up now and tell me you would give up EVER having an orgasm in exchange for a life of blue balls.
> 
> Please, someone back up all her lover's claims. Anyone? I'd love to hear your POV on the subject as a man.


There have been a handful of times where I didn't O (probably count the total on 1 hand). I survived them, didn't have any overwhelming pain or blue balls. If it happened frequently though, yeah, that would be a whole other issue lol.

I will say that I probably enjoy the overall sex experience more then just solely the O, and I think that is what FW and AP are saying.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

UMP said:


> BetrayedDad said:
> 
> 
> > I'm just being real..... I apologize also for offending. Perhaps I am in the minority.
> ...


Ump...my proposal was not sex without orgasm.

It was masturbation but never be able to have sex...

OR

Have any and all kinds of sex possible but can't O.

As you can see, my answer would depend on the quality of the sex available to me.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> please see bolded below for further clarification.


Yeah so why did you write this?!?



Anon Pink said:


> So I'm not convinced she didn't orgasm.


I'm agreeing with you. I'm not convinced either.

So if she SAYS she didn't and we think she did. 

You tell me. How often does this happen to women?

That they don't even know they are cumming?!?


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Have any and all kinds of sex possible but can't O.


 @UMP

In other words, a life of blue balls.....

You signing up for that buddy?

Shoot me now if that ever happened to me.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> There have been a handful of times where I didn't O (probably count the total on 1 hand). I survived them, didn't have any overwhelming pain or blue balls. If it happened frequently though, yeah, that would be a whole other issue lol.


The proposition is a life time. I had a few rare drunk circumstances and survived too.

"The point I was making was if I could *only choose one*:

O's by my own hand or...

Sex with a partner in anyway possible but *could never O...*"

You in the blue ball camp like her lovers? yes or no?


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Several women in my life occasionally asked for and liked being ravaged hard and fast with no real expectation of the "Big O!" 

Having said that, if I know that I'm not destined to reach "Shangri-la," then just place the oral part of my cranium squarely between my loving SO's thighs and let's just say that they would pretty much need to serve a criminal warrant to even start evicting my busy a$$!

Now in my younger years, this prolonged act alone could very well have brought on a royal case of the "blue balls!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

BetrayedDad said:


> The proposition is a life time. I had a few rare drunk circumstances and survived too.
> 
> "The point I was making was if I could *only choose one*:
> 
> ...


I have been training my hand for years for such a scenario :grin2:


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> Yeah so why did you write this?!?
> 
> 
> 
> ...



We don't know if she said she did or did not orgasm. 

We do know that UMP did not follow the orgasm procedure. We do know that she loved it.

No where did I say she had an orgasm but didn't know she did. 

How often do women orgasm and not know they've orgasmed? Orgasms are different. You can have a roller, a screamer, and wet wild crasher. Rollers can be difficult to recognize as an orgasm until they're over. They're subtle. 

I am not suggesting she O'd but didn't know she O'd. I am suggesting she O'd but since ump didn't go about it like he normally does, he assumed she didn't.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> I have been training my hand for years for such a scenario :grin2:


Still waiting for ONE man to waive away a lifetime of orgasms for having sex just for the sake of sex without completion.

ONE GUY can't back up these "lovers" assertions?!? Anyone? Bueller?


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> We don't know if she said she did or did not orgasm.


For Pete's sake, @UMP ask your wife if she orgasmed and report back to us.

Tell her TAM wants to know.


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

BetrayedDad said:


> For Pete's sake, @UMP ask your wife if she orgasmed and report back to us.
> 
> Tell her TAM wants to know.


Inquiring minds want to know! 😀

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


----------



## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> Still waiting for ONE man to waive away a lifetime of orgasms for having sex just for the sake of sex without completion.
> 
> ONE GUY can't back up these "lovers" assertions?!? Anyone? Bueller?


Karezza, or Lovemaking Without Orgasm, Strengthens Marriages, Say Advocates - ABC News


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

'Can I have a satisfying sex life without orgasm?' - Telegraph


_"Can I have a fulfilling sex life without orgasm?"

Yes, yes, yes!

In a word: yes. *You get to define what a ‘fulfilling sex life is’.*

If you never experience orgasm or only do so rarely – and, crucially, this does not trouble or bother you – then nobody should be making you feel like you have a problem.

*If you experience pleasure, connect with your partner, do what you enjoy and feel satisfied, then it is not for anyone else to dictate that you should change that.*_


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

As a woman...I WANT MY ORGASM.. I have even gotten upset when he slips before me.. saying "Da** it, I neeeeded that!".. I mean I know we'll just go after it again soon enough.. but still, in the moment.. I want it..









I surely understand craving the physical pleasure.. feeling his desire.. this is bonding.. it's emotional , its intimacy...I love it ALL, the ride getting there.... but still it's just better when it ends in that "exhilaration" together, collapsing in each other's arms.. 

I feel refreshed, they say hormones are released when we "O".. it's like a "high" - attaching ourselves more so to our lover... hopefully a little "after glow" before our guys fall asleep.. (I know mine does pretty quickly)..

I could see me being a very frustrated woman if I wasn't getting regular O's ... I can only speak for myself , of course.


----------



## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

UMP said:


> I also asked her if she wanted me to manually give her and orgasm after I came, and she said no.
> 
> So good sex is still good without and orgasm, providing you got some other stuff you wanted?
> 
> ...


Sometimes I just don't think I will O, or that it will be too much work (when I'm really tired) but I still want to be with him and feel the passion. Now if he were to go ahead and just head off into the horizon and not make sure I was good that would bug me. He always makes it up to me at some point so we're good :grin2:


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Every now and then, sex without the o is fine (especially if I didn't initiate it). Can it be good? Yes, absolutely. While the o is the ultimate goal, sex also makes you feel connected and you can connect without the o. However, it's preferable to have the o. It's like wrapping a present. It looks all pretty and is certainly presentable that way. But adding a bow to the top just makes it complete. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Maybe she wants to orgasm, but letting herself go is not easy. That can be. Even though you have been married for many years, she may still not like how an orgasm makes her feel out of control. Just guessing, but just another idea to give you.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

*Deidre* said:


> Maybe she wants to orgasm, but letting herself go is not easy. That can be. Even though you have been married for many years, she may still not like how an orgasm makes her feel out of control. Just guessing, but just another idea to give you.


My current gf is like this. This is a very alien concept for men to grasp. I struggle with it as well.

The one before her was much more like this:



SimplyAmorous said:


> As a woman...I WANT MY ORGASM.. I have even gotten upset when he slips before me.. saying "Da** it, I neeeeded that!".. I mean I know we'll just go after it again soon enough.. but still, in the moment.. I want it..


Just two completely opposite ends of the spectrum.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

BetrayedDad said:


> My current gf is like this. This is a very alien concept for men to grasp. I struggle with it as well.
> 
> The one before her was much more like this:
> 
> ...


Yea, I can't quite relate, as when my bf and I have sex, I not only want to have an O, but my bf wants me to have an O. lol Your gf may very well want to have an O, but something is...causing her to be hesitant.

Orgasm begins in the brain, and if someone is anxious or worried, it can taint the orgasm experience. 

So, your current gf seems hesitant to let herself go? Has she opened up to you as to why this might be happening?


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

*Deidre* said:


> So, your current gf seems hesitant to let herself go? Has she opened up to you as to why this might be happening?


Yes she has and it's a self conscious issue that no matter how much I try to alleviate her concerns, she continues to pull back.

I know she wants to O but she can't help it making her anxious.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

BetrayedDad said:


> Yes she has and it's a self conscious issue that no matter how much I try to alleviate her concerns, she continues to pull back.
> 
> I know she wants to O but she can't help it making her anxious.


Well, you sound like you care so that's good.  Maybe she feels like the relationship won't last and if she lets go, that will cause her to be vulnerable to you? Not that this is your fault, it could just be how she is until she feels she can really trust that the relationship isn't going anywhere. Sometimes, that is why many women hold off on having sex at all, it sometimes has to do with simply waiting to see where the relationship goes.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

*Deidre* said:


> Well, you sound like you care so that's good.  Maybe she feels like the relationship won't last and if she lets go, that will cause her to be vulnerable to you?


Of course I care, she's my girlfriend. 

She says she's self conscious of a physical issue but I think you might be onto something that she still has reservations. I'm ten years older, divorced with two kids. She's never been married, no kids. So I think she wonders if this will last long term and puts up defenses. Including not letting herself be vulnerable to me. 

You bring some excellent insight. Thank you.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

BetrayedDad said:


> Of course I care, she's my girlfriend.
> 
> She says she's self conscious of a physical issue but I think you might be onto something that she still has reservations. I'm ten years older, divorced with two kids. She's never been married, no kids. So I think she wonders if this will last long term and puts up defenses. Including not letting herself be vulnerable to me.
> 
> You bring some excellent insight. Thank you.


You're welcome.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Last night I sat and pondered my original post. I went through step by step in my mind on what happened Tuesday night.
Then it came to me. I don't think I f%cked my wife, I think SHE f%cked me.

After not having even touched each other for 4 days, I start out rubbing her back for a while and then she rolls over and starts giving me a wonderful bj. I go on to do oral on her. After a time she starts scooting herself over and starts grabbing my penis trying to insert it. I scramble for the lube and she grabs my penis and shoves it in while on her back, me on the side.

I start slow, but she pulls herself on me. After a time she forces herself on top of me pushing me on my back and starts riding the horse and tells me to f$ck her. After a time I cum and she just lays there on top of me for a long time.

I feel used. 

You have to understand that my wife is the most unassuming, sweetest, kindest, vanillaist person on planet earth. Her sister actually told her that she "did not have a sexy bone in her body."

What's going on?

Did I do something wrong? Should I have been more aggressive or maybe she is a closet Dom and wants me to be submissive. WTF.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> Last night I sat and pondered my original post. I went through step by step in my mind on what happened Tuesday night.
> Then it came to me. I don't think I f%cked my wife, I think SHE f%cked me.
> 
> After not having even touched each other for 4 days, I start out rubbing her back for a while and then she rolls over and starts giving me a wonderful bj. I go on to do oral on her. After a time she starts scooting herself over and starts grabbing my penis trying to insert it. I scramble for the lube and she grabs my penis and shoves it in while on her back, me on the side.
> ...


Sure sounds like it. Lol. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> Sure sounds like it. Lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Her favorite position is her on top.

Every time I go from behind or missionary she says "It's better if I'm on top."

She loves to grab the headboard and ride me like a horse.

In fact, her on top is the ONLY time I can go in all the way. All the other positions she says "it hurts."

It sure as hell does not hurt her when she's on top.

What do I do now? I want to feed her itch.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> Her favorite position is her on top.
> 
> Every time I go from behind or missionary she says "It's better if I'm on top."
> 
> ...


Read about dominant females and how to please them. Then try out what you learn on her.

Lol, I bet there are men who would love to be in your place!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> Read about dominant females and how to please them. Then try out what you learn on her.
> 
> Lol, I bet there are men who would love to be in your place!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here is the thing, outside the bedroom she ALWAYS let's me make the final decision. ALWAYS let's me lead. She is VERY submissive day to day. Always has been.
This is very strange to me.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> Here is the thing, outside the bedroom she ALWAYS let's me make the final decision. ALWAYS let's me lead. She is VERY submissive day to day. Always has been.
> This is very strange to me.


Google "sexually dominant females".

Honestly, I think you two might be in for some fun!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> Google "sexually dominant females".
> 
> Honestly, I think you two might be in for some fun!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Couple other interesting facts. She does not like being spanked, AT ALL. She does not like me saying I am her "daddy" or anything like that. She likes giving me a bj but not while I am standing or above her in any way.

The more I just lay there like a wounded dog writhing in ecstasy, the more excited she seems to get. (while giving bj)

Oh my!


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> Couple other interesting facts. She does not like being spanked, AT ALL. She does not like me saying I am her "daddy" or anything like that. She likes giving me a bj but not while I am standing or above her in any way.
> 
> The more I just lay there like a wounded dog writhing in ecstasy, the more excited she seems to get. (while giving bj)
> 
> Oh my!


Yep, sounds like a domme! 

Is giving a bj a way of exercising power for her? Does she ever mention it feels like she controls your pleasure by doing that? And she really likes having that power over you? That could be a sign, too.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> Yep, sounds like a domme!
> 
> Is giving a bj a way of exercising power for her? Does she ever mention it feels like she controls your pleasure by doing that? And she really likes having that power over you? That could be a sign, too.


Never wants to talk about sex. Will not tell me any of her fantasies. According to her, she has none.

Regarding a BJ, the one thing I notice is the more I voice my pleasure, the more she gets into it. One time during a stand along BJ, while I was going nuts with pleasure, she was rocking her whole body as if we were having sex. 

Afterward she actually said, "I feel like I just had an orgasm."

All I did was lay there.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> Never wants to talk about sex. Will not tell me any of her fantasies. According to her, she has none.
> 
> Regarding a BJ, the one thing I notice is the more I voice my pleasure, the more she gets into it. One time during a stand along BJ, while I was going nuts with pleasure, she was rocking her whole body as if we were having sex.
> 
> ...


Lol!  Wow!


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> Lol!  Wow!


Forgot to say. She does not like when I push her head down on me while giving bj.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> Forgot to say. She does not like when I push her head down on me while giving bj.


Lol! Another possible sign?


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> Lol! Another possible sign?


One time not too long ago, she just got up, grabbed the headboard and sat on my face. Never done that before, but she did get really excited while doing so. 
Maybe she feels really inhibited about it, and I'm to stupid to catch on!


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP, I just read that one thing sexually dominant women like is if you ask if you can orgasm. You might try that tomorrow night and see how your wife responds.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Just read something else interesting, about how a male submissive could see himself getting beat up by his Domme. It reminded me of the DV discussion from a few weeks ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> UMP, I just read that one thing sexually dominant women like is if you ask if you can orgasm. You might try that tomorrow night and see how your wife responds.


Well, that was kind of what prompted me to write this post. She basically pushed me down, got on top and was riding the hell out of me. I can't remember my exact words, but I "think" I did say "do you want me to cum?" or "I'm going to cum" because it was all happening so fast. 

She said "yes, cum" and seemed completely satisfied afterwards. Afterwards I asked if she wanted me to manually stimulate her to orgasm and she said "no." That's the reason for my post. I did not understand how she could be so satisfied and NOT cum.....(as far as I could tell.)

She did say "wow that was fun!" After.

She just wanted to lay on top with me inside for quite awhile.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> One time not too long ago, she just got up, grabbed the headboard and sat on my face. Never done that before, but she did get really excited while doing so.
> Maybe she feels really inhibited about it, and I'm to stupid to catch on!


I really think you should do some reading, UMP. If she is a domme, then your responding as a male sub could really light up your sex life.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> I really think you should do some reading, UMP. If she is a domme, then your responding as a male sub could really light up your sex life.


I will tell you one thing. Friday I'm going to ask her straight up to "sit on my face."

I think I could get into this:grin2:


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> I will tell you one thing. Friday I'm going to ask her straight up to "sit on my face."
> 
> I think I could get into this:grin2:




But do some reading, too. I am sure there are more fun things out there for you two to try!


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> But do some reading, too. I am sure there are more fun things out there for you two to try!


Not much information on how a man is to cater to a sexual dominant female, other than getting beat on and tied up.

One other factoid. I've asked my wife several times about how she feels when I am in missionary or behind her.
The word she always comes up with is "vulnerable."

She does not want to feel "vulnerable."

Shiit, I can't believe this! It's taken me 25 years to figure this out!!!???


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> Not much information on how a man is to cater to a sexual dominant female, other than getting beat on and tied up.
> 
> One other factoid. I've asked my wife several times about how she feels when I am in missionary or behind her.
> The word she always comes up with is "vulnerable."
> ...


 Like I said, this could really light up your sex life!


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> Like I said, this could really light up your sex life!


Is this for real?
Is this possible?

My little sweet as pie wife wants to beat me?
Not possible.

Maybe she was just really horny for some reason.


----------



## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

UMP said:


> I also asked her if she wanted me to manually give her and orgasm after I came, and she said no.
> 
> So good sex is still good without and orgasm, providing you got some other stuff you wanted?
> 
> ...


I enjoy every aspect of sex, from subtle hints that it might happen tonight, to the kiss that says "I really mean it" to every single touch, glance, the smell of her skin.

An orgasm is only one element in sex.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> Is this for real?
> Is this possible?
> 
> My little sweet as pie wife wants to beat me?
> ...


You could always ask her.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> Like I said, this could really light up your sex life!


 A couple years ago without ANY provocation or hint from myself, she shoved a vibrator up my asss one night. I was not that receptive and she stopped. Is that a sign too?


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> A couple years ago without ANY provocation or hint from myself, she shoved a vibrator up my asss one night. I was not that receptive and she stopped. Is that a sign too?


Remember, I told you I thought it was? Go back and read that discussion.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> Remember, I told you I thought it was? Go back and read that discussion.


I can't process all this. :surprise:

See you all tomorrow.


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Wouldn't this new theory be conflicting with the original post? She wanted you to f*** her hard (giving you the control)? 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Wouldn't this new theory be conflicting with the original post? She wanted you to f*** her hard (giving you the control)?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


That's exactly what I thought happened, initially.
However, when I sat down and really examined specifically what happened, I'm the one who got F%cked.


----------



## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

Ump, once again our wives are eerily similar!

Mine seems only too happy to have sex without orgasm. We've talked about this over the 27 years we've been married. She rarely has PIV orgasm. She reliably can orgasm from oral, but she rarely lets me go down on her! Typically only when we are in a hotel.

When I've asked why she doesn't let me bring her to orgasm orally every night, she just replies that PIV feels great to her even without orgasm. She loves the feeling of being filled up and enjoys the closeness and giving me pleasure.

At times she also will plead with me to [email protected]@k her hard and fast. It's like she craves it. I thought this was hormonal, but I've never been able to pin down the timing of these events.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

mitchell said:


> Ump, once again our wives are eerily similar!
> 
> Mine seems only too happy to have sex without orgasm. We've talked about this over the 27 years we've been married. She rarely has PIV orgasm. She reliably can orgasm from oral, but she rarely lets me go down on her! Typically only when we are in a hotel.
> 
> ...


I don't know if you've read the last couple pages of this thread, but I'm possibly dealing with a sexually dominant female. For 25 years, I have been operating on the principle that the man must always be dominant in bed.

As an experiment I'm going to loosen the reigns a bit and see what happens.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> I don't know if you've read the last couple pages of this thread, but I'm possibly dealing with a sexually dominant female. For 25 years, I have been operating on the principle that the man must always be dominant in bed.
> 
> As an experiment I'm going to loosen the reigns a bit and see what happens.


She could be a switch, too. That would explain how you see both sides in her.

At any rate, UMP, have fun with it. That is really what the point of all this exploration you are doing is, right? To make sex more enjoyable for both of you?


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jld said:


> She could be a switch, too. That would explain how you see both sides in her.
> 
> At any rate, UMP, have fun with it. That is really what the point of all this exploration you are doing is, right? To make sex more enjoyable for both of you?


Yes, exactly.
It just never really occurred to me that she might be a dominant female in bed.
Last night I went WAYYY back in my mind and if I'm honest with myself there were signs.

My goal is to make sex as fun and interesting as possible.
I have always said in the past that if my wife asked me to wear a monkey suit and stick a banana up my asss, I would do it.

Now I might have to actually DO IT :surprise:


----------



## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

What's with the labels? Why try to pin her down as a domme?

Just enjoy the ride. Yes, she [email protected]@ked you, but that doesn't negate all the times she laid back and allowed you to ravage her. 

Mine becomes an insatiable, sexual dynamo in a hotel room. It is somewhat dominant, but it's more about a sexual hunger than a power trip or control thing.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

mitchell said:


> *What's with the labels? Why try to pin her down as a domme?*
> 
> Just enjoy the ride. Yes, she [email protected]@ked you, but that doesn't negate all the times she laid back and allowed you to ravage her.
> 
> Mine becomes an insatiable, sexual dynamo in a hotel room. It is somewhat dominant, but it's more about a sexual hunger than a power trip or control thing.


It can help when he does research on the internet to find ways to spice up their sex life. Labels can be a shortcut, not a limiting factor.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

mitchell said:


> What's with the labels? Why try to pin her down as a domme?
> 
> Just enjoy the ride. Yes, she [email protected]@ked you, but that doesn't negate all the times she laid back and allowed you to ravage her.
> 
> Mine becomes an insatiable, sexual dynamo in a hotel room. It is somewhat dominant, but it's more about a sexual hunger than a power trip or control thing.


It's just part of my own obsessive behavior as it relates to sex with my wife.
I am ALWAYS trying to figure her out and trying to enhance our sex life.

It's all an exciting game for me.

It's how I "enjoy the ride."

I'm a sex nerd/geek


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ump, your wife may have a domme inside of her...or she may just be a top. She may be a switch as jld said. Or she may just like to be a little bossy sometimes. Or she may just enjoy feeling powerful.

But she's not fully aware of it herself yet. It's not like she had it all sorted out for herself and is hiding her true sexual identity from you. She's coming into herself, she's not all the way there yet. So it would probably be pointless to ask her "hey baby do you want to spank me?"

Even if she is a natural dominant, she may not want to spank you. The punishment thing isn't a universal appeal for all dominants.

Hopefully you two can learn about her inner sexual self together and bring it out of her slowly and carefully. I don't suggest you dive into anything or assume you or even she knows where she will want to go in her sexuality.

But you can be playful and have fun as you explore her interests.

Things like...if she tells you to do something, whether a sexual thing or not, you could look her directly in the eye and say "yes mistress". Don't do it in a submissive way, do it in a sexy way.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

mitchell said:


> Ump, once again *our wives are eerily similar!*
> 
> Mine seems *only too happy to have sex without orgasm*. We've talked about this over the 27 years we've been married. She rarely has PIV orgasm. She reliably can orgasm from oral, but she rarely lets me go down on her! Typically only when we are in a hotel.
> 
> ...


My LD wife, typically will 3 out of 4 times orgasm and the 1 in 4 she just doesn't want to. But as your W said mine says she really likes the feeling of closeness and giving me pleasure. This also pleases me and emotionally bonds me to my wife, so I think it is great.

Mine isn't into the "hard and fast" per se, but she does often really enjoy it when I get really aroused. It is often as if she feeds off my sexual arousal. She seems to like it when she has aroused me to the point that she isn't sure what I will do. We have talked about this. 

It could be a playing with fire kind of thing or a going on a roller coaster that you know will scare you, but is a safe kind of thing.

Good luck to you and Ump and yes, "enjoy the ride"


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Several women in my life occasionally asked for and liked being ravaged hard and fast with no real expectation of the "Big O!" *


*Exactly*. It's been happening since the dawn of time and will continue to happen.

I think it's a REAL stretch to assume that she "possibly had an orgasm and didn't know it" just because she wanted to switch it up and have it fast and hard for a change. In fact, it's my suspicion that part of her reason for wanting to do it that way was to hurry the OP along although she probably would never admit to it. LOL.

Just being honest.


----------



## GavinM (Jan 13, 2014)

My wife and I have both learned that while she can enjoy sex on occasion without an orgasm that, over time, if she cant regularly have orgasms she will become very frustrated. This results in her having zero interest in orgasm-less intercourse and her frustration can reach levels where it impacts her far beyond just in the bedroom. 
So for her anyways having orgasms is very important.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

GavinM said:


> My wife and I have both learned that while she can enjoy sex on occasion without an orgasm that, over time, if she cant regularly have orgasms she will become very frustrated. This results in her having zero interest in orgasm-less intercourse and her frustration can reach levels where it impacts her far beyond just in the bedroom.
> So for her anyways having orgasms is very important.


Yup. Same here. Occasional sex that doesn't result in an orgasm for me is fine. I wouldn't call it good sex, but it can be enjoyable. Having sex without orgasm say 2 out of 5 times? I'd get very frustrated, become cold and distant, at best, and a b!tch on wheels, at worst.


----------



## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I have been with some women with this problem and have successfully made them orgasm. I first ask them to mastrubate for me, either with their hands or a toy. I watch carefully to see what they do and how they do it. If they can orgasm from masturbating, they are capable of orgasming during sex. After I watch I ask them to tell me what they like done to them and any fantasies they have that they would like to try. I put them at ease by mentioning some kinky stuff other women asked me to do so by comparison, theirs looks tame. I also believe in a lot of foreplay and oral before intercourse. The last women I was with that had this problem took me an hour but she finally had her orgasm. 

Although some women like the hard thrusting of intercoures, many get their orgasms from clitoral stimulation. I always have a vibrator handy that they can place on their clitoris during intercourse. I also encourage them to play with themselves too. I tell them to forget about my pleasure and just work on having an orgasm so their focus on solely on that and not split between her and me. I have had to work hard a few times with women who never orgasmed during sex with another but I always got them there and after that, the problem was getting them out of there. 

My ex fiancee had a very hard time reaching orgasm. Sex was a long arduous chore after a few months. She always wanted sex but it took her a very long time to reach her orgasm. She is now married to a woman and the mystery is solved. True story. She called me up to apologize for cheating on me because she was searching for a man who could more easily make her orgasm. She found her. 

I find that to have great sex you need to have great communication. Talk to her and find out what she really would like and if she was willing to use a vibrator or fingers while you have intercourse. Ask her to masturbate while you hold and watch her. Make note of how she makes herself orgasm and then you have an idea of how to do it.


----------



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Vinnydee said:


> Talk to her and find out what she really would like and if she was willing to use a vibrator or fingers while you have intercourse. Ask her to masturbate while you hold and watch her. Make note of how she makes herself orgasm and then you have an idea of how to do it.


If you're with one of the fairly large number of women who will never have enough confidence in themselves, never mind trust in you, to even consider this, you're on a non-starter.


----------



## Buffon06 (Aug 14, 2016)

My wife claims that her most powerful orgasms come from masturbation (vibe or bath faucet), but that her most satisfying orgasms are from PIV.

I would say that 90% of the time we have partnered sex, my wife has at least one orgasm. I can count on two hands the times in our nearly 30 years of marriage that she has had a stand alone orgasm without PIV (oral, manual, vibe, etc.).

I would be willing to forego some number of my own orgasms in order to give her more NSA orgasms without using my c0ck.

I challenged her to agree to have sex whereby we have to give each other an orgasm without PIV. She said she would strongly consider it. :smile2:


----------



## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

If Mrs. Lurkster get naked & jump in a pile, we both want to have orgasm. Preferably, more than one each!

Her best O's, are after lots of warming up, and from oral. Oral is always the go-to thing!
She has O's from PIV, but not as intense, and it takes some more doing, and lasting, on my part. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. 
So if she had to forgo a specific act, it would be PIV. 
No orgasm....what fun is that?


----------



## Sinner (Oct 23, 2016)

I have to say that for me, seeing and hearing a man's pleasure is a HUGE turn on for me. It's one of the things that is vastly lacking in porn, either professionally made or amateur. If a man reacts to bj's, sex, jacking, even orgasming as if it's equally as exciting as taking out the trash, then it does very little for me. The giving in to the moment, to the pleasure, and losing yourself in it is one of the things that makes sexual experiences fantastic IMO. This could play a large part in what you're seeing in your wife, UMP. 

And it DOES matter whether or not you're just acting the part. I like to see the real thing, not someone amping up vocal responses just for my benefit.

And yes there is a certain amount of power in controlling someone else's pleasure. It's not a power trip, per se, but there is an element there nonetheless. It always feels good to make someone else feel good.

I have to agree with others also - that sometimes I may not be able to achieve orgasm in a reasonable amount of time, and am too tired to bother trying to get there... there's a certain amount of freedom in just getting fvcked with abandon with no expectations vs. having to work at getting to the O. It's always better to have an O come naturally than to have to work hard to get it. 

I also find it very interesting that Vinnydee is the only one who has really made specific mention of clitoral stimulation during sex (I know others mentioned oral). I know that it's possible to have an O with penetration alone for some women, but it seems to be not as common. I have never had an O without clitoral stimulation, and most of the women I know say the same (and perhaps, we just haven't been with the right men yet  ). But what I have also heard is that a lot of women do not engage in clit stimulation, for whatever reason - I was once told that "women don't like to touch themselves down there" and I was incredulous. REALLY? Why in the hell not? I can understand if you were taught growing up that it was unsanitary or naughty... but at some point you'd have to get a clue. When I was young and inexperienced, I could only orgasm when on top... and it took awhile to realize it was because my clit was getting stimulated that way. After that I started rubbing my clit in other PIV positions and voila! I figured it out.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Many men are very happy to do that for you during PIV. I'm always happy to do anything with otherwise unused body parts, as long as I don't need to bend like a gumby doll. It may take some feedback to let the know what you like, since that varies a lot.





Sinner said:


> snip
> I also find it very interesting that Vinnydee is the only one who has really made specific mention of clitoral stimulation during sex (I know others mentioned oral). I know that it's possible to have an O with penetration alone for some women, but it seems to be not as common. I have never had an O without clitoral stimulation, and most of the women I know say the same (and perhaps, we just haven't been with the right men yet  ). But what I have also heard is that a lot of women do not engage in clit stimulation, for whatever reason - I was once told that "women don't like to touch themselves down there" and I was incredulous. REALLY? Why in the hell not? I can understand if you were taught growing up that it was unsanitary or naughty... but at some point you'd have to get a clue. When I was young and inexperienced, I could only orgasm when on top... and it took awhile to realize it was because my clit was getting stimulated that way. After that I started rubbing my clit in other PIV positions and voila! I figured it out.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Sinner said:


> I also find it very interesting that Vinnydee is the only one who has really made specific mention of clitoral stimulation during sex (I know others mentioned oral). *I know that it's possible to have an O with penetration alone for some women, but it seems to be not as common.* I have never had an O without clitoral stimulation, and most of the women I know say the same (and perhaps, we just haven't been with the right men yet  ). But what I have also heard is that a lot of women do not engage in clit stimulation, for whatever reason - I was once told that "women don't like to touch themselves down there" and I was incredulous. REALLY? Why in the hell not? I can understand if you were taught growing up that it was unsanitary or naughty... but at some point you'd have to get a clue. When I was young and inexperienced, I could only orgasm when on top... and it took awhile to realize it was because my clit was getting stimulated that way. After that I started rubbing my clit in other PIV positions and voila! I figured it out.


I have g-spot orgasms, and clitoral orgasms. 

G-spot orgasms are sometimes referred to as vaginal orgasms...but to be honest, even then I am not sure we women are always talking about the same thing.

My clit-O's and G-O's are quite different than each other. I can sometimes have a blended one, which is quite amazing. I can much easier have each type separately from different types of stimulation. 

G-spot O's are f*cking amazing. They can happen from PIV but it is not very easy. They happen reliably from fingering. He can press me in just the right spot with his fingers but not always with his penis.

Clit-O's are amazing, too. They can happen from oral, manual or vibe. They do not happen from PIV. Since G-spot O's don't happen from PIV for me either, it it just something I am used to.

The thing is though..........

The feeling I get from PIV....from the thrusting....whether slow and gentle or fast and hard....I LOVE THAT FEELING. My eyes roll back in my head. I can have an out of body experience. I can get so into it that I am basically just flying in outer space. I want lots and lots and lots of it. Even though it never produces an O. Even though there is no real "climax". It can go on forever. And it is the height of arousal for me the whole time.

I love O's. I do. But I love having him inside of me even more than that.

I proposed the question about having O's versus PIV....in reality I don't have to choose. I get both. Not at the same time (without some effort and possible toy assistance). But I don't care about them being at the same time, either. I like the difference between this, that and the other. 

But MOST of all.... I love PIV. I love him being inside of me. Even if I never got to O from it...this would still be my favorite part of sex.


----------



## Sinner (Oct 23, 2016)

And see, since I've never had a purely PIV O, I have no frame of reference for that. I just know other people have said it happens to them. So whether it's a g-spot o or not I don't know. But yes, every O for me is different, there are varying levels and it always amazed my WH that I could have so many different ones - even if we did it the same way each time.

I have had g-spot O's too (but only in combination with rubbing my clit and PIV)... and you are so right, they are fcking amazing. Though it has happened only by chance, and more often than not, because of a dild0. He tried many times by fingering and never could get it to work. I always described g-spot o's as running up the hill and instead of cresting the hill and going over and going back down the other side (like ordinary o's), I stay up on that hill continually and keep riding the wave until one of us tires out. It's a high that you don't come down from. And given the right circumstances, it can make me squirt, though with a PIV, it's obstructed. But you know when it's happened because the ejaculate is so different from vaginal secretions.

I think a lot of women are like you, faithful wife, in that the thrusting alone is fantastic. It's always been my thought that the women who can't or don't o regularly at least find some satisfaction in PIV. And I only recently realized the difference in two of my dild0s, one has a more defined head and that makes a HUGE difference in the feeling.


----------



## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

UMP said:


> Let me first say that I cannot remember the last time my wife and I had sex when she did NOT have an orgasm.
> 
> So last night was Tuesday which is obviously sex night. I start slow with lots of foreplay, as usual. However, she kept pushing herself on to me to penetrate. Normally I have to take this step slowly because I am on the larger side of average.
> 
> ...


 I can't speak for all women but for me yes most definitely!!! There have been many of times where I have enjoyed it whether not I have Orgasmed. My husband and I like to sneak off when we're in public For quickies and that has been some of the best and most satisfying sex I've had!


----------



## Kolie123 (Oct 8, 2015)

UMP said:


> I also asked her if she wanted me to manually give her and orgasm after I came, and she said no.
> 
> So good sex is still good without and orgasm, providing you got some other stuff you wanted?
> 
> ...


YES!! I think its more about being in the moment. I can easily have an orgasm and 90% have 4-5 in a row but sometimes Im so revved up that I just want my husband to pound it. I rarely get off doggy style but its one of my favorite positions because it just feels good especially when my husband kisses and bites the back of my neck and sometimes I love when he pulls me back with my ponytail. We've always had an amazing sex life and its still going strong after 12yrs!


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Sinner said:


> I have had g-spot O's too (but only in combination with rubbing my clit and PIV)... and you are so right, they are fcking amazing. Though it has happened only by chance, and more often than not, because of a dild0. He tried many times by fingering and never could get it to work. I always described g-spot o's as running up the hill and instead of cresting the hill and going over and going back down the other side (like ordinary o's), I stay up on that hill continually and keep riding the wave until one of us tires out. It's a high that you don't come down from. And given the right circumstances, it can make me squirt, though with a PIV, it's obstructed. But you know when it's happened because the ejaculate is so different from vaginal secretions.


Excellent description of running up a hill and then never coming down. With gspot O's I can stay on top of the hill forever basically. I do also ejaculate from it, which can also go on forever. This only reliably happens from being fingered but once in a blue moon it can happen from PIV or anal. 

It is not always preferred or practical to stay on top of that hill forever though. But fun to see how long I can stay up there sometimes. There is a risk of becoming suddenly dehydrated however.


----------



## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

GavinM said:


> My wife and I have both learned that while she can enjoy sex on occasion without an orgasm that, over time, if she cant regularly have orgasms she will become very frustrated. This results in her having zero interest in orgasm-less intercourse and her frustration can reach levels where it impacts her far beyond just in the bedroom.
> So for her anyways having orgasms is very important.


Wow. This statement perfectly describes me (genders reversed). I have acquired a sexual dysfunction making orgasm almost impossible and the frustration overshadows sex every time now. However, sex can still be good without it, but I would say, it is far less satisfying without the orgasm and the satisfaction does not last long without orgasm. That is probably because without orgasm, there is probably a diminished release of oxytocin. Recently, my wife tied me to the bed and had her way with me. It was great fun for us, but it still leaves me wanting without the orgasm. Frustrated...

Coming from someone that has largely lost the ability to orgasm, I would say to everyone that you should cherish every orgasm you have. To me it's not just the cherry on top of sex, but the cherry on top of life itself...


----------



## GavinM (Jan 13, 2014)

Wantshelp, I really feel for you. It must be very difficult to be sexually aroused and not be able to finish. Hopefully your prognosis is good and you can figure out a way to overcome this. 

Id like to gain as much empathy for my wife as possible (I try hard to understand her frustrations). Can you offer any advice to a spouse of one who isn’t able to climax and gets frustrated with any sexual contact? One difference is that my wife doesn’t have a medical condition. She has been able to have orgasms in other relationships and can when she masturbates (although for her orgasms from manual or oral sex are described as ‘good’ they are a lot different then from PIV. She almost describes them as foreplay but she still needs to finish with PIV). 

Given the choice would you prefer the ‘bed-tying, passionate no-orgasm sex’ or would it be better if she never got you started? I think I know the answer for my wife, but she’s good about trying to meet me in the middle and consider my ‘needs’ as well. I guess I just want to make sure Im being considerate enough.


----------



## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

GavinM said:


> Wantshelp, I really feel for you. It must be very difficult to be sexually aroused and not be able to finish. Hopefully your prognosis is good and you can figure out a way to overcome this.


Thanks. 



GavinM said:


> She has been able to have orgasms in other relationships and can when she masturbates...


 Do you ever watch her masturbate? To see where she prefers to be stimulated? 



GavinM said:


> Given the choice would you prefer the ‘bed-tying, passionate no-orgasm sex’ or would it be better if she never got you started?


I would definitely want the 'bed-tying, passionate no-orgasm sex'. What's the point of living if you're not even trying anymore... For me after sex, instead of being thrilled, relishing the pleasure of orgasm, I feel totally crushed that I didn't have an orgasm. But, to keep from discouraging my wife, I have to hide how I feel. I usually tell her that "you were so close, I know we can get there next time." Then she'll ask if she could have done anything differently and I'll usually have nothing to offer, because I don't know what works. But, what I always LOVE is giving my wife big orgasms. When I see her have an orgasm, it reminds me of how great it feels and it doesn't depress me. It's really uplifting. 

But, what I would really appreciate is if my wife would be creative about different sex ideas that incorporate some aspect of suspense and initiate them. I think doing things to me while blindfolded or being tied up helps build excitement. Excitement is an important factor to a good orgasm for me. Also, I appreciate that she learns what I like and don't like and tries to expand on that. 

I think it's important not to give up. Expressing your sexual desire for a partner that is struggling with sexual dysfunction is helpful. 

Hopefully that makes sense.


----------



## 1RedKing (Jun 3, 2016)

wantshelp said:


> I don't know how long you've been "stuck" in this situation and I don't have much good advice to give but I have far too much experience of this situation and predict that it's not going to end well.
> Can the two of you manage to have a conversation about sex? It sounds like you have trouble expressing your desire for what you want, even when is something as non-specific as more S-exploration and your partner has no innate desire to find what it is that pushes you over the edge.
> My frustration at my identical situation led me finally telling her to stop everything. It just became too much. The imbalance and her lack of care at our dwindling intimacy led to resentment. The most we do together anymore is fight. Your situation is not OK, it will not change or improve, it will not be OK in the long run. Maybe together you two still have time to change it and save your relationship. It's something that may only be achieved by BOTH of you working on the same wavelength towards common goals, otherwise it WILL fail. As to my relationship of 24+ years I'm expecting the big "D" to be the end of it, be that Death or Divorce I no longer hold any hope of Difference.
> 
> Sent from my HTC_0PJA10 using Tapatalk


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Vinnydee said:


> I put them at ease by *mentioning some kinky stuff other women asked me to do *so by comparison, theirs looks tame.



Total turn-off.


----------



## GavinM (Jan 13, 2014)

Wantshelp, thanks for the responses. 
My wife is pretty open about sex and has always been transparent about the fact that she masturbates although she does downplay the frequency or the fact that she uses toys. She has a couple of (very) large toys that she likes to use and I think because her affair partner was very large she doesn’t like to admit to using them. However, while she is open to talking about masturbation she doesn’t like doing it front of me. She did a bunch of times, earlier in our marriage and she could sometimes reach a climax but she would complain that the orgasms weren’t very good. Not as good as a when she did it on her own and certainly not like sex. So her masturbating isn’t something that we do anymore. 
I can understand why you enjoy giving your wife orgasms so much. Im jealous. 
Thanks


----------



## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

1RedKing said:


> I don't know how long you've been "stuck" in this situation and I don't have much good advice to give but I have far too much experience of this situation and predict that it's not going to end well.


Sex dropped off rapidly once we were married. In the year immediately before marriage, it was around 150 times/year. We had so much fun, I wanted to be with her and continue for the rest of my life! Then, once married it went to about 25/year (about twice a month). Then the last 4-5 years it was 6-8/year. I've been getting progressively more miserable and resentful as time went on. 


1RedKing said:


> Can the two of you manage to have a conversation about sex?


We do talk about sex, and have done so in counseling for the past 2 years now. But I am fully aware of her limits. 


1RedKing said:


> It sounds like you have trouble expressing your desire for what you want, even when is something as non-specific as more S-exploration and your partner has no innate desire to find what it is that pushes you over the edge.


Yeah, expressing what I want is tough. She believes that I just want sex to scratch an itch. That it's what all men want and she was raised to keep men in check and to never let a man "use" you. After 15 years of patience and trying to establish an unshakable trust as her husband, I have completely failed. She does not trust me, nor is she interested in sex unless she can't have it. I failed because I think she will never trust a man after being taught in Catholic school and at home that sex is bad/gross/only ****s do it. Recently, she has wanted me to show interest in sex, but I think it's because she is afraid I might initiate a divorce. I think she wants to be reassured that I still love her and want her. Essentially, she wants to keep stringing me along. But, the resentment has made her unattractive to me. I am not even aroused at all anymore when she is naked. 



1RedKing said:


> My frustration at my identical situation led me finally telling her to stop everything.


I believe we (and others both male and female) are actually victims of "sexual neglect". IMO, this is as much a breaking of the marital bond as adultery. I frequently think this needs to be talked about in society. I feel like it's a problem that few people talk about publicly. Here is a quote I read on the web that has relevance: 

"In the same way, a “faithful spouse” is not defined only by what he/she does not do. A faithful spouse is just as much determined by what he/she does. Marital faithfulness is proactive, not simply prohibitive. Just as much emotional devastation can occur by sexual neglect as with adultery. Research has consistently demonstrated that happy marriages are sexually active marriages and that sexual fulfillment influences all facets of the relationship including romance, conversation, recreation, trust, and acts of kindness."


----------



## GavinM (Jan 13, 2014)

Sinner, your description of a g-spot orgasm was almost identical to how my wife explains it to me. I know she has been with partners who can give her PIV orgasms. She has described these to me as almost like a 'rolling orgasm' and with the right partner it can just keep going and going. 
From what I know she is virtually a completely different person in the bedroom in situations where she can have these types of orgasms and when she can't.


----------



## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

GavinM said:


> Sinner, your description of a g-spot orgasm was almost identical to how my wife explains it to me. I know she has been with partners who can give her PIV orgasms. She has described these to me as almost like a 'rolling orgasm' and with the right partner it can just keep going and going.


I gave my wife, what was clearly the biggest orgasm of her life last night. I used the womanizer on her clit, while giving her PIV. It was amazing. Her g-spot was aroused and I was able to stimulate there and the clit with the womanizer simultaneously. But what struck me about your comment was the "rolling orgasm". She similarly described it as multiple orgasms in waves. I tried to last as long as I could, but when she is having an orgasm it's hard for me to hang on and not ejaculate. I have given up hope though that giving her great orgasms will make her want to have sex more... It just doesn't seem to change her desire for me.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

wantshelp said:


> I have given up hope though that giving her great orgasms will make her want
> to have sex more... It just doesn't seem to change her desire for me.


Yeah, I am not convinced one goes hand in hand with the other. I guess on the other side, giving her meh or no orgasms will likely reduce her desire.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> Yeah, I am not convinced one goes hand in hand with the other.


I agree.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

jld said:


> I agree.


I just saw a pig fly outside my office :grin2:


----------



## GavinM (Jan 13, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Yeah, I am not convinced one goes hand in hand with the other. I guess on the other side, giving her meh or no orgasms will likely reduce her desire.


I appreciate this perspective and can't argue with it. So with my wife I cant know for sure that if I was able to give her orgasms then we would have a good sex life however I do know that the fact that she doesnt have PIV orgasms when we have sex that this definitly causes her to not be interested in sex.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

GavinM said:


> I appreciate this perspective and can't argue with it. So with my wife I cant know for sure that if I was able to give her orgasms then we would have a good sex life however I do know that the fact that she doesnt have PIV orgasms when we have sex that this definitly causes her to not be interested in sex.


My W has difficulty with PIV orgasms so if that is the end goal we approach differently (still have plenty of PIV, but also lots of 4play, oral, and possibly use of toys). Now, do I think that having Os (no matter the quality) has increased her desire for sex, not necessarily. Sorry, I haven't read your whole story, is your W against achieving orgasms with you via non PIV methods?


----------



## GavinM (Jan 13, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> My W has difficulty with PIV orgasms so if that is the end goal we approach differently (still have plenty of PIV, but also lots of 4play, oral, and possibly use of toys). Now, do I think that having Os (no matter the quality) has increased her desire for sex, not necessarily. Sorry, I haven't read your whole story, is your W against achieving orgasms with you via non PIV methods?


EllisRedding, over long periods of time Ive been able to draw it out from my wife that her orgasms from masturbation or oral sex as 'nice' but nowhere near the same as from PIV. For example when she masturbates she is "one and done" whereas she has admitted that with a partner that can make her climax from PIV she can regularly have multiple orgasms. The intensity is also apparently a lot different and she has described non-PIV orgasms as more like foreplay but that if she cant also have a "full" orgasm (her words) it just leaves her frustrated. So its not an easy situation for us.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

GavinM said:


> EllisRedding, over long periods of time Ive been able to draw it out from my wife that her orgasms from masturbation or oral sex as 'nice' but nowhere near the same as from PIV. For example when she masturbates she is "one and done" whereas she has admitted that with a partner that can make her climax from PIV she can regularly have multiple orgasms. The intensity is also apparently a lot different and she has described non-PIV orgasms as more like foreplay but that if she cant also have a "full" orgasm (her words) it just leaves her frustrated. So its not an easy situation for us.



The way your wife describes her PIV orgasms is the way I experience them. It is nearly constant once the right position happens and it is a series of crashing waves that simply don't end until his erection goes soft. Very rarely do I stop orgasming before he finishes. I could go on and on as long as he goes on and on. It is fantastic!

I think this is common for women who are multi-orgasmic. There have been several threads over the years in which multi-orgasmic women have posted that no matter how many orgasms they have, sex doesn't feel finished without PIV. And keep in mind most women cannot orgasm via PIV. Those of us who can, absolutely need a PIV orgasm to feel completed.


----------



## GavinM (Jan 13, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> It is nearly constant once the right position happens and it is a series of crashing waves that simply don't end until his erection goes soft. Very rarely do I stop orgasming before he finishes. I could go on and on as long as he goes on and on. It is fantastic!
> I have been several threads over the years in which multi-orgasmic women have posted that no matter how many orgasms they have, sex doesn't feel finished without PIV. .


Anon, your quote was almost exactly as if it was my wife describing it. Its interesting to know that there are a number of women who feel the same way. 

I know that if she can't have an PIV orgasm she gets very frustrated and her sex drive, or at least her desire for 'no-orgasm' intercourse goes to zero. We've always struggled a bit sexually and we've never been able to get her to reach climax during intercourse so this has caused issues for us.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

GavinM said:


> She has a couple of (very) large toys that she likes to use and I think because her affair partner was very large she doesn’t like to admit to using them.


I am also multi-orgasmic and I also can reach orgasm from PIV alone. I, too, consider manual or oral orgasms to be foreplay even if they are intense and numerous. I need at least 1 PIV orgasm to feel satisfied.

I noticed over the years I was sexually active and single, that men who were within a certain size and shape range were what really worked for me. By size and shape, I mean the girth and length of the penis along with the shape of the head (it's proportion to the shaft and "mushroomness"). It was difficult or impossible for me to reach orgasm from PIV alone with men outside of that range.


Taking into account your other posts about your wife, I wonder if her inability to reach orgasm during PIV is a size/shape issue.


----------



## GavinM (Jan 13, 2014)

MJJEAN, thanks for your response. 

“Taking into account your other posts about your wife, I wonder if her inability to reach orgasm during PIV is a size/shape issue.”

We’ve both learned from her affair that for her it is a size issue. It goes withoutt saying that it would have been great to know this before our marriage but I think its a result of a number of factors including both of us being somewhat inexperienced when we first got together and not understanding what we wanted physically and an unusually short ‘courting’ period (followed by our marriage and her getting pregnant twice pretty quickly in a row). 

“I noticed over the years I was sexually active and single, that men who were within a certain size and shape range were what really worked for me.”

Since my wife’s affair this issue has been important to me and Ive spoken to many women online about it and it seems that while its not a big deal for everyone many, many women feel the same way as you.


----------



## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

As a man, I suspect that we place too much value on the ORGASM and do not realize that there are many other factors in love making or sex such as the psychology or emotion of an interaction. Like dancing, there are all kinds of forms and styles and each dance routine has it's own special value or affect for the dancer. Maybe someone just wants to feel wanted or needed (special) and not all that interested in the famous ORGASM. Us men are so "orgasm focused" that the other, more subtle aspects of sex and love-making get lost in the mix. Just my unprofessional opinion. :wink2:


UMP said:


> Let me first say that I cannot remember the last time my wife and I had sex when she did NOT have an orgasm.
> 
> So last night was Tuesday which is obviously sex night. I start slow with lots of foreplay, as usual. However, she kept pushing herself on to me to penetrate. Normally I have to take this step slowly because I am on the larger side of average.
> 
> ...


----------

