# Paid for medical insurance...



## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

I think I already know the answer here, but here goes anyway. I am basically at the finish line of my divorce. Official separation date was October 24 of last year. I have been paying for her health insurance this entire time. During an overly emotional moment in time, at that time, I agreed to do so. Fast forward to now. I hadn't thought about that conversation until just recently. Does anybody know or think I have any legal recourse to recoup any of that money that I've been paying for her health insurance coverage? The total up to now is over $2,500 at a clip of over $300 per month. I asked her this morning and of course she straight up refused to pay it. My guess is that because I agreed to it then, it's matter of my word and she doesn't have to pay and I have no legal recourse. She has plenty of money, is just refusing to pay it.

And yes I know I was dumb to agree to something so completely stupid. Maybe this is just my "stupid tax" and I should just move on happy that I no longer have to be involved with her.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@hubbyintrubby ,

I am no lawyer, but I would think of it this way: what does your divorce order say? Does your divorce decree order you to pay her health insurance? If not, then once that decree is final and signed by the judge, just remove her and stop paying for it. If so, then you agreed to it and you'll have to continue to pay it. 

As for recouping what you've paid up to this point ($300/mo for roughly 8 months), I don't really see a legal leg to stand on. You said yourself that you agree to do so. However, look over your official separation agreement and see what it says (or temporary orders or whatever). If it says you keep her on your health insurance, then $300/mo is the price you pay to be free. If it doesn't say that, then look at the part that DOES tell you want to do about health insurance, and do that to a T...in other words, follow the agreement or order. If you don't have a legal separation agreement or temporary orders, you could "get" one, but that would cost you too (legal filing fees, lawyer fees, etc.). 

So honestly? I'd pay $300/mo for a couple more months and once the divorce is final, remove her. Health insurance is for family--spouse or children--and an exW is no longer family. She'll be responsible for her own health insurance once the decree is signed (assuming, of course, that you did not agree to continuing to pay her health insurance!). 

USUALLY (not always), the divorce decree says will include what you are and are not responsible for, and often it will say something like "You continue health insurance while the case is being litigated, and once the decree is signed, each party is responsible for their own" --the idea being that from the time of filing until the decree is signed there is a transition period. Once the decree is signed, the two people should be entirely, 100% disentangled.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Affaircare said:


> @hubbyintrubby ,
> 
> I am no lawyer, but I would think of it this way: what does your divorce order say? Does your divorce decree order you to pay her health insurance? If not, then once that decree is final and signed by the judge, just remove her and stop paying for it. If so, then you agreed to it and you'll have to continue to pay it.
> 
> ...


There, therein lies the problem. There was no formal separation agreement in place when we separated from each other. That's another strike, I know. We both know she gets kicked off the coverage once the divorce paperwork is final which should be any day now. I was mostly upset that I feel like she took advantage of me when she knew how much of an emotional state I was when we had the conversation when I agreed to the currently situation. All in all, I feel foolish for not paying more attention to having said conversation while in such an emotional place.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

hubbyintrubby said:


> During an overly emotional moment in time, at that time, I agreed to do so.


To me, it's kind of slimy to ask her to pay you back. And wanting to force her through litigation is even slimier.

Accept responsiblity for your choice, and learn from it.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Honestly, I think you need to take this as a learning experience and just suck it up. You agreed to pay, there are no taksies-backsies unless you were medically/legally incapacitated.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Y'all are right. I gave her the free ride.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, you did give her a free ride — but it’s the last one.

ETA: You got caught up in the moment so I agree it’s good to let it go and look at it as your “stupid tax” (I have one too — a big one).


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Openminded said:


> Yes, you did give her a free ride — but it’s the last one.


Effing A right it is.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

hubbyintrubby said:


> Y'all are right. I gave her the free ride.


But you're still using the language of a victim - she took advantage of you, you gave her a free ride.

Be brave and take it on. Don't blame.

It's hard, I know. If anyone has made horrendous choices with money, it's me.

But this was your decision. Accept it as that.

She's not the problem.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

minimalME said:


> But you're still using the language of a victim - she took advantage of you, you gave her a free ride.
> 
> Be brave and take it on. Don't blame.
> 
> ...


It was my decision, absolutely it was. Yes.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

minimalME said:


> But you're still using the language of a victim - she took advantage of you, you gave her a free ride.
> 
> Be brave and take it on. Don't blame.
> 
> ...


 Who wouldn't take the free ride if given the opportunity, right?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

hubbyintrubby said:


> Who wouldn't take the free ride if given the opportunity, right?


Still a victim. 😂 

Don't live in fear of others. You were people pleasing. It was you.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I hope you don’t have someone waiting in the wings. You need to be alone for awhile to reset or there’s the possibility you’ll pick another one like her.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I don’t believe you can remove a spouse on a healthcare policy prior to a divorce, and in some states, legal separation. I’m thinking this has to do with the stipulations around “times of hardship” or “major life change” in terms of making changes to your benefits. So, it is what it is and given that, it seems like it would be challenging to legally have her owe you that money back because there are probably laws shaped around this kind of thing.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

hubbyintrubby said:


> It was my decision, absolutely it was. Yes.


Actually it wasn’t your decision. Legally you could not remove her from the insurance anyway so she could choose to pay you the difference or not. She chose not. It has nothing to do with your emotional state or your good graces. You didn’t really have a choice in the matter.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I don't think you had much choice but to pay her insurance if you had been providing her coverage during the marriage. Regardless of if it was thru your employeer or self insured, you couldn't simply take that away from her without a court ordered decree. And no she shouldn't pay it back.

Just consider it an investment in your freedom.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

hubbyintrubby said:


> I think I already know the answer here, but here goes anyway. I am basically at the finish line of my divorce. Official separation date was October 24 of last year. I have been paying for her health insurance this entire time. During an overly emotional moment in time, at that time, I agreed to do so. Fast forward to now. I hadn't thought about that conversation until just recently. Does anybody know or think I have any legal recourse to recoup any of that money that I've been paying for her health insurance coverage? The total up to now is over $2,500 at a clip of over $300 per month. I asked her this morning and of course she straight up refused to pay it. My guess is that because I agreed to it then, it's matter of my word and she doesn't have to pay and I have no legal recourse. She has plenty of money, is just refusing to pay it.
> 
> And yes I know I was dumb to agree to something so completely stupid. Maybe this is just my "stupid tax" and I should just move on happy that I no longer have to be involved with her.


Are you sure you had a choice? Here in CA you're not allowed to change insurance coverage unilaterally upon separation.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

No if you have been paying her healthcare you cannot gennerally cancel until divorce is final so do not do that!! If some serious accident happened and she had no insurance you are still technically married so guess what happens in the final divorce for community expenses? No do not cancel her insurance. When you get the official decree you typically send it to your HR department in an email stating you have a change in marital status and they do the rest. Again do not try and remove her until divorce is final.


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## BienMazok (9 d ago)

I think you should ask your attorney about it. I wouldn't say it was a stupid decision, as you already own.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

BienMazok said:


> I think you should ask your attorney about it. I wouldn't say it was a stupid decision, as you already own.


You replied to a thread that hasn't been active for 7 months.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Zombie thread.

Closed.


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