# Holidays and Filing



## Pajawi (Apr 3, 2018)

I'm posting here now ...posted about wife's believed infidelity months ago. Never got a confession or silver bullet of proof for that, but needless to say we are splitting. 

2 issues - maybe need to be separate posts, but here goes. Looking for perspectives:

1. She "wants" the divorce as in she asked for it and initiated a couple months back saying the usual we just aren't good together bologna. I don't disagree. Point is, it's her plan. She hasnt filed yet and is unsure of when ( going on 4 months). Im ready to be done. Is there an advantage to me filing or not filing? She says she's still working on a few things to be ready to file. I'm ready to do it if need be. I guess I was trying to avoid being the one she could later pin it on to our kids. 

2. In working on our parenting plan, she wants me to have kids every Thanksgiving and her every Christmas. I don't see them as equal holidays and plan to challenge that. Am I being reasonable?

Again - perspective is what I'm after. 

Thanks and Merry Christmas.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Pajawi said:


> I'm posting here now ...posted about wife's believed infidelity months ago. Never got a confession or silver bullet of proof for that, but needless to say we are splitting.
> 
> 2 issues - maybe need to be separate posts, but here goes. Looking for perspectives:
> 
> ...


I’ve read your other threads and I sort of understand that you are tired and kinda lost actually.This is a sign of depression and in fact a lot of your posts give off that vibe.
Under no circumstances agree to anything involving your divorce or custody until you talk to a lawyer.You may be depressed,I’m not qualified to tell you this, but you are definitely letting your wife have all the power in your marriage.
You felt on your other thread that some posters were attacking you but they weren’t.They have seen it over and over where a guy is cheated on and then is screwed over in the divorce.Please wake up and smell the coffee,you are being treated like crap while your wife is actively cheating.If she doesn’t find a new man she will stay with you but you will always be plan B.
Don’t ever be plan B.
See a lawyer and have her served.
Its time to take control of your life.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

1. Like Andy said, see a lawyer and file. If she wants to pin the divorce on you to the kids she will try to do that whether you file or she does. Don’t let that be a factor in your decision. I do think if you file first it will be a much needed power shift in your favor. 

2. You are correct that the holiday split is unfair. However, you need to factor in what your family traditions are or what you might want the new ones to be. For example, my XH has the kids every Christmas. That worked for me because my extended family does Christmas Eve. So I have them for that and then Christmas morning. I see that as a win-win for me because I get the best of both days.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Holidays normally are split. Thanksgiving one year, Christmas the following year. The year you don't have Christmas, you would get Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas. Some split the day of Christmas. But for her to just decide the holidays herself without finding out what you want? No. 

The advantage to you filing is that you're in charge of the process and no longer waiting on her to file -- assuming she eventually does. If she files, she can then dismiss it if she chooses and you'll have to file anyway. This way you're out of the limbo of waiting on her to get the ball rolling.


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