# not sure why



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

But today I feel really lonely and isolated
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Cheer up, Proud. 
Smile. Get some sun. Treat yourself to an ice cream or candy or lottery ticket.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Then get out!  Are you working today? It's hump day! Go for drinks after work!


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

We're all here. It happens. It'll pass. 

Talk to someone new or someone you haven't talked to in a long time. Send an email to someone you haven't in a while.

Look to join a volunteer group. Check out 

Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Be this yellow guy


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Awww cute yellow guy!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I love that pic!


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## SRN (Mar 20, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> But today I feel really lonely and isolated
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm with you. Today is exactly two weeks after we signed. Just feel in the pits. Feel worthless, rejected, ect. Just want to see her, talk to her.
I know its just a phase, it'll get better. Just remember that. Day by day.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> But today I feel really lonely and isolated
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can totally relate Proud, seriously. For me, started yesterday and kept on. But it's now a different day and I'm choosing not to let that feeling continue as it ill only drag me further into the pit of despair that I'm trying to climb out of. 

I have books to read, DVD's to watch (library rentals), other activities to occupy myself with. 'Course I could get them done easier if I'd just step away from this dang ol' computer! Ha!


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Thatgirl - Yes I work today, until 8pm. Which lately I don't mind, because I have good friends at work, and since I work retail there is always the chance to flirt with women (if I remember how, I know it involves something with smiling, moving my mouth to form words)

Jelly - Thanks for the picture, it made me smile

Cherokee - I've been trying to catch up on series of shows that my wife always had no interest in, going for walks, working out, playing video games.

I know that this will pass, but I'm such a social person, and to not have that interaction sometimes hurts.

BUT i know I have to accept and learn to be alone and happy while alone before I can move on.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yes, all of this icky feelings WILL pass, Proud. You can bet on it.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things. I hope you have stopped all contact w/ your wife outside of co-parenting.

Flirt, smile, call up old friends.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

The world is your oyster. I hate oysters but honestly, you can do whatever you want with life now.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

@Jelly,
Yes, I've stopped contacting her unless it's about divorce/kid stuff. Her grandmother fell ill last weekend, so I did send her a text asking about her grandmother, that made her feel good that I asked.

I was always close with her family, so that has been tough for me as well.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

The only person that is making you feel isolated and alone is you. You are the person that is letting your mind make you feel that way. You have to learn to start fighting it. Do not bask in it.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Perfectly natural, I'm having a day myself. Heart racing with anxiety like crazy but I'm going to power through it (w/ the help of some meds  ) and go forward. 
I'm trying to think of the days that are not so bad. I just made plans to go out tonight, you should do so too!

And, above all, I think of my kids and how excited I am that she needed a day off and I get them 5 nights in a row!


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Sd,
I can't wait, I'm taking my kids to their soccer practice tomorrow night. Then I get them Friday night (after work) until Monday morning when I take them to school. My son has his first soccer game of the season on Saturday. If the weather is nice on Sunday I'm going to take them to the zoo, then maybe some minaiture golfing.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

I was feeling kind of down yesterday. Had a talk w/ STBXW last night and looks like we reached an agreement on a schedule. Unless you changes her mind, I think we're good. I will have him 6 days every 2 weeks including a long weekend that will start Thursday and end Monday morning. I'm excited and planning a lot of stuff to do with him like taking him to his first baseball game. 

Proud your relationship with wife ended but it's the start or continuation of a wonderful relationship with your kids. Now you will actually have time to plan things for them and make every little moment special. 

Plus when all is said and done and the shock, sadness, anxiety goes away you will have more than enough time to do whatever you want bro. One lawyer I talked to said to me that divorce costs a lot but it represents freedom. In the past people killed for that.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> Sd,
> I can't wait, I'm taking my kids to their soccer practice tomorrow night. Then I get them Friday night (after work) until Monday morning when I take them to school. My son has his first soccer game of the season on Saturday. If the weather is nice on Sunday I'm going to take them to the zoo, then maybe some minaiture golfing.


See! So much to smile about!!!


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Life,
You are right, it does represent freedom....I just have to get to the point to realize and accept its a freedom I want.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Mine started half way through the day and keeps coming and going. I am just so disappointed in my situation.


So you are in good company being with the rest of us.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Hang in there mamatomany, you'll get through it. 

Proud: The mind is so weird. I remember when my son was 2-3 there were Sundays when STBXW would take him for the whole day to friends or family functions and I would like the idea of being alone on a Sunday to watch baseball games, watch movies, have some time for myself but would also feel guilty about it. I think we have to learn to accept that we also need time for ourselves and that wanting that it's ok.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Question to Proud, SD, Jayb, mamatomany and everybody in this situation ... how did you decide to split the holiday specifically christmas day. The logical thing would be to alternate but I really would feel bad about him not being with mommy or me this day. Looks like a day that he should be with both although it may not be possible. Any ideas? This is the only thing we are still trying to figure out.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Well I moved out on 12/21/11, but we spent Christmas Day together. This year it will be split with one of us getting Christmas Eve, the other getting Christmas Day.

Life it's ironic because I used to enjoy the times when I worked on the weekends, the stbxw would take the kids camping. I loved having the extra time to myself, get the frozen pizza I wanted, etc. But it was okay because I knew that they were coming back you know. 

Now with the extra time, it's tough. I defined myself so much as the family man, I loved that. I'm still a father, I'm a family with my children. But I miss the everyday interactions with the old wife.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Yeah, that's what I was thinking that we could alternate Christmas Eve and Day but it becomes a problem when for example you have plans to go out of state with family for Christmas. Then you would have to return in the middle of the holidays. I don't know. 

I see what you are saying. Crap. Just know when you said that you knew they were coming back I get a little sad. It's the realization that WE are not a family anymore. It's me and my son and her and our son. 

Anyways, we gotta keep moving along. This is the hand we've been dealt.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

* Just now


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Yep, and the thing is we will get to a better place, and we will get fine. I know that my wife has not hit rock bottom, and I have to get myself better so when she does I can be there for the kids.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Indeed. That's another way to look at it. Someone said this in a thread, I forget who it was. Our children deserve the best version of us which means we need to thrive to be the best we can be. That means putting ourselves in a position mentally where we can be of support to them and they can lean on us when needed. This means doing things to better ourselves including having a social life and finding happiness in the future. If we are happy, they'll be happy.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Lifescript said:


> Yeah, that's what I was thinking that we could alternate Christmas Eve and Day but it becomes a problem when for example you have plans to go out of state with family for Christmas. Then you would have to return in the middle of the holidays. I don't know.
> 
> I see what you are saying. Crap. Just know when you said that you knew they were coming back I get a little sad. It's the realization that WE are not a family anymore. It's me and my son and her and our son.
> 
> Anyways, we gotta keep moving along. This is the hand we've been dealt.


Her family lives out of state. Last year, she took them out of state for Thanksgiving and I had them Christmas. Alternated holidays. Sort of.

Christmas Eve they spent at the house. I came over super early Christmas morning to witness them getting up and opening presents at the house.

After breakfast and a few hours, I left the house and went to my condo where my family met us. We exchanged gifts and I had them the rest of Christmas day and that night.

It worked for us. We both are committed to compromise and fairness. I hope that remains.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Jayb said:


> Her family lives out of state. Last year, she took them out of state for Thanksgiving and I had them Christmas. Alternated holidays. Sort of.
> 
> Christmas Eve they spent at the house. I came over super early Christmas morning to witness them getting up and opening presents at the house.
> 
> ...



I meant to say WE (me and the children)


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Looks like this is the way to go Jayb. If STBXW has him for Thanksgiving then I get Christmas eve and one way or another Christmas day is a day we will have to figure out how to open gifts together.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> @Jelly,
> Yes, I've stopped contacting her unless it's about divorce/kid stuff.


Good for you! Keep it up! 

It's normal to feel up and down and up an down and you will go back and forth a lot on these things--you're still grieving. Just make sure you are treating yourself kindly and smiling.

TG's comment about the oyster made me laugh.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Lifescript said:


> Question to Proud, SD, Jayb, mamatomany and everybody in this situation ... how did you decide to split the holiday specifically christmas day. The logical thing would be to alternate but I really would feel bad about him not being with mommy or me this day. Looks like a day that he should be with both although it may not be possible. Any ideas? This is the only thing we are still trying to figure out.


*While we expect to be adults and figure out what is best for the kids*, here is what our paper work says.

"For Christmas Eve, Mother will have the odd years and Father will have the even years; for Christmas Day, in the odd years, Mother will have the morning and Father will have the afternoon. In the even years, Mother will have the evening and Father will have the morning."

The other holidays are basically split where one has odd and other has even.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Sounds good SD. I will go with that. Seems fair. What about New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. Did you and ex agree on alternating each day or alternating both days each year?


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Lifescript said:


> Sounds good SD. I will go with that. Seems fair. What about New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. Did you and ex agree on alternating each day or alternating both days each year?


Just alternating each. So, one of us will have new years eve and then one of us will have new years. Swap the next year.

Again, just what the paperwork says. I hope we don't ever have to pull out the papers.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

SD, this works fine but I usually go out of state to spend the holidays with family members. In this case I'm screwed. If I'm out of state with my son Dec 31, have to return early morning Jan 1. It gets complicated. Maybe it would be best to alternate it together. One year I get new years eve and new years she gets it the other year. This is frustrating.


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