# Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...



## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

*Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

Hello everyone,

Some of you know my story and some don't, so I will give you the gist before explaining the situation further. I found out my husband was having a PA with his married coworker in Dec. 2012. I kicked him out and filed for divorce. Him and I had a false reconciliation in June. That is when his AP/girlfriend found out he was texting me. He "lied" (surprise ha) to me about her and vice versa. He knew she was going to confront/inform me, so he came clean only out of fear of her telling me. So I received a jolt of reality and realized how stupid I was to even give him another chance and cut off all communication with him. And actually started to heal, date and move forward with life. Well as most of you know, according to my thread 4 weeks ago, his girlfriend came to my house wanting answers, blame shifting and in a bizarre way, wanting "advice" from me. Because she didn't trust him. What a shocker?! Anyway if you want to know more about this situation the thread is under AP shows up at house 10 months later.

Well after I had the encounter with AP/girlfriend, I pretty much wrote the situation off and went forward with my daily life. I would be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat amused by their "soul mate, sure thing relationship" starting to crumble. I know it's petty but I'm an imperfect person. Well I'm at work yesterday and my ex hubby calls me. I know the value of his words should mean nothing to me and I should be looking for a selfish motive on his part. I have to say I haven't heard this type of remorse, regret and acceptance of his part in the affair, since this whole effed up situation happened almost a year ago. He up until this point has justified the hell out of his affair and hasn't shown little to no regret in his actions. But he told me how much he regrets his actions, the way he has treated me and my daughter his stepdaughter. That he wishes he would've tried to work on our problems, instead of going outside of our marriage and he wishes he wouldn't have hurt us, but he can't go back and change what happened. He told me "I did absolutely nothing to deserve this and his affair was 100% selfish". He told me he was "still very much in love with me and misses me all the time". I would be lying if I said I don't miss him often & that I didn't still love him. But he made his choice. And after I was willing to work on things he still deceived me and kept her on the side. My heart and brain have been having a "heated and emotionally" charged debate of logic. He didn't ask to get back together, but I'm worried that's what is next. He is living with AP still. I got the feeling neither of them are happy, and that she is more involved in making their "bs" relationship work, than he is. I also believe this since she came to me a few weeks ago. 

So here I am, almost a year later. I was pretty much moved on (healing, but not healed) and more confused than ever. Especially due to him taking 100% responsibility for the very first time in almost a year. I really need some advice or support on how to deal with this. I'm dating again. I have several men (including some of his "friends") interested in me. I'm in a decent place in my life again. And I just need some logical and unbiased advice. Thank you all in advance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

*He is living with AP still.*

That's all you need to know. As long as this is the case I wouldn't give him the time of day.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

You will never be able to fully trust him again. Is that the life you want?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Philat said:


> *He is living with AP still.*
> 
> That's all you need to know. As long as this is the case I wouldn't give him the time of day.


I'm not interested in coming between their relationship. I realize they are together. I accepted that fact months ago. I would never entertain getting involved with him again, if they are still involved. And he would have to do a lot to get me back. And that can't or won't be accomplished overnight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

zookeeper said:


> You will never be able to fully trust him again. Is that the life you want?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your comment is 100% accurate. That is why my brain and heart are involved in such a heavy debate of emotion and logic. I don't think I could ever trust him again. And I don't want a life where I'm constantly suspicious. But I still miss him and wish things would've turned out different.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

Just out of curiosity, what about OW's exH? Is he still in the picture in any way? Did you ever have contact with him?


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Philat said:


> Just out of curiosity, what about OW's exH? Is he still in the picture in any way? Did you ever have contact with him?


I did contact him via text back in December. All he said was "thanks for letting me know". I haven't had contact with him since. I know all 3 of them work together. I asked ex hubby about her ex yesterday and he said, "he called me white trash once and basically moved on after they separated".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*



Kaya62003 said:


> I'm not interested in coming between their relationship. I realize they are together. I accepted that fact months ago. I would never entertain getting involved with him again, if they are still involved. And *he would have to do a lot to get me back. And that can't or won't be accomplished overnight.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But you're entertaining the idea. Bad move. So he cheated on you, left you, went to live with his partner and now he's cheating on her *sort of*

I'm speaking as a man. We're not as stupid as we seem. What he's doing is opening the lines of communication, and he already knows he has you because you allowed him to let him tell you how he felt.

I'll put it like this. If it was a confession then cool. If he calls back in the next month a) Just wanting to talk or b) Wanting to see you, then he's full of it and that means the call was made with the intent purpose to fish and gauge what he chances are that he can start the ball rolling and get back into your life.

I don't buy that he's sorry, he proved that the first time. If he was a man with any sense of shame about what he did to you and how he did it, he would stay away from you and allow you to be happy. This smacks of the excitement has died, let-me-play-the-seducing-game again. He sneaked around on you now he's doing it to her, through it all, feeling these feelings of intense romance towards whomever he's chasing. You can't cure such people, only let them go and watch them ruin someone else's life. For the sake of you and your daughter, don't give him the chance to do that again.


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

My opinion is that you should shut down any thoughts of him immediately and move on.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*



Kaya62003 said:


> I did contact him via text back in December. All he said was "thanks for letting me know". I haven't had contact with him since. I know all 3 of them work together. I asked ex hubby about her ex yesterday and he said, "he called me white trash once and basically moved on after they separated".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good for him. I think you should follow his lead.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

In your case the heart wants what the heart wants. 

In his case his heat wants what he can't have. And right now, it's you he can't have. I'm pretty sure the fact that his 'friends' have your attention has drawn his attention back to you. 


Continue to heal and leave the heel be.


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## dontbeused (Nov 15, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

sounds like you are lonely. Not a good reason to be talking to him.
in fact the opposite is the best route to take. risk of him doing this again is through the roof.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

BobSimmons & asummerday, you two have no idea how much I needed to hear/read your comments. I know that he royally screwed up and it's too late. But I still love him. I don't know what his motives are. I don't want go through this again. I agree he should leave me alone and let me be happy. And I agree that I should shut down my thoughts. Up until yesterday I thought I had moved on. This is stuff I need to hear. Because for some reason I'm allowing myself to rememver the good instead of the stuff that destroyed us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

Again, everyone's comments are appreciated. I feel somewhat stupid and naive, at this point. I'm not so much lonely, I have my daughter, friends and a slew of male attention. I am seeing one in particular. I'm just deathly afraid of getting into another relationship. I totally thought I was doing good. I completely (so I thought) wrote him off. I guess I just always wanted to hear him say that. But he definitely doesn't deserve anything from me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

He is saying blah.
You need to say meh. 

Move on and build a new happy life. Happiness is a cheating spouse on the rearview mirror.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

I will never advice you to return with him, I remember that in a previous post you said he was already cheating on OW with someone else, so he obviously is a serial cheater.

that said, if you are seriously thinking en getting back together (even for a second), you have to stand your ground, and tell him that you by no means will consider a relationship or encourage his feelings while still living with OW and being in a realtionship with her.

he have to prove to you that he is willing to give up everything before trying something with you (which means stop living with OW, and cut any kind of communications with her, and even looking for another job if neccesary).

you were the wife, you were not the AP, so you are not going to give him the reassurance that he can have you back that easy, and just fly from her appartment to your house.

question, had he cheated before this OW?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

Maybe he's looking for an exit affair from his soul mate.

You have no idea how he started things with her.

I'm certainly not one to tell you to give him another chance or tell him to go pound sand.

My XWW has been singing a song of remorse and acceptance for a while now. It makes me wonder at times if she found TAM and either the truth has sunk in or she's trying to leverage her way back into my life so she can manipulate me again.

Either way, there is no trust and I'm not interested. I'd rather be alone than go back down that road again.

In the end, the decision is yours. However, keep in mind, he had no problem cheating on you and he has no problem cheating on his "soul mate" either if he's pursuing you again. 

Does that tell you all you need to know about his character and how much he has changed?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

I think his relationship with other woman has floundered, he's not happy, and he's remembering only the good things from your past relationship.

Is he one of those guys who can't be single, has to have a girlfriend, lines up the next before he's done with the current? It sounds like it.

He fell in love with you and got married.

Then he fell in love with her and left you.

And I think he is sincere now - in the same that he was sincere when he first fell in love with you and in the same way that he was sincere when he fell in love with the other woman and left you for her and in the same way that some people fondly remember only the good from their past relationships.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

Ah, the old 'I still love you and always will' schtick. Just words, easy to say. My ex said the same to me having just read out a text he had sent to his (now ex) girlfriend saying exactly the same thing

Move on, live well, let him realise what he lost - he deserves it.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

Wash that man right out of your hair, brain and heart.

Go NC and keep running.

Past behavior is a good prediction of future behavior.

Run, and keep washing him out of your hair.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

He sounds like someone who is never content with what he has at the moment. 

Trust lost is very hard to get back. Close that chapter of your life.


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

Wow! If he really loved you and wanted and missed you, he would have already left her and THEN come begging. Instead, his insecure ego cannot be alone, and he's trying to get you lined up so he can leave. Does that make you "Plan C"?


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

All of your comments are similar to my brains logical debate it's having. I know this is very stupid and naive of me. To answer a question, I believe he cannot be alone. It seems like he needs someone to fallback on before he can leave. And I've been there and done that. I believe if he was truly sorry he'd do everything in his power to prove by actions, not by his words. And I won't be encouraging this behavior from him. He did choose her over me and my daughter. And it's a damn shame it's not working out the way he hoped. But I can't ever be with him again. Who the hell does he think he's fooling? I know he's preying on my good nature. He's a liar and manipulator. I want him to learn you can't do this and come back. And it's extremely selfish of him to burden me with his bs confession of his "true" feelings. Because all of you are right! If he cared, was sorry any of that, he wouldn't still be with her and he would either realize his actions didn't deserve to be forgiven and leave me to get on with my life or he'd sacrifice everything and do everything to right this wrong, even knowing that he may never be able too, but he'd continue trying regardless.
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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

Looks like he's yanking your chain preparing for his next place to land after his current affair goes south. 

You're a lot smarter than that!


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*



> And after I was willing to work on things he still deceived me and kept her on the side. My heart and brain have been having a "heated and emotionally" charged debate of logic. He didn't ask to get back together, but I'm worried that's what is next.


Take his words with a grain of salt. Feel wonderful about yourself that he has finally accepted his mistakes. THis does not mean he wants to get back with you as he is still living with AP.
You are moving on, you are healing. You will never be able to trust him again. I know that the heart wants what the heart wants. Just this morning, I cried many times trying to sing "you are my sunshine".

Once trust is gone, the relationship ends.

Keep moving on, be happy, one day you will wake up and realize you don't love him anymore. It will probably be a sad day, but then you will be completely healed.
Good luck to you


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*



Kaya62003 said:


> So here I am, almost a year later. I was pretty much moved on (healing, but not healed) and more confused than ever. Especially due to him taking 100% responsibility for the very first time in almost a year. I really need some advice or support on how to deal with this. I'm dating again. I have several men (including some of his "friends") interested in me. I'm in a decent place in my life again. And I just need some logical and unbiased advice. Thank you all in advance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Besides saying great for you, my only advice is:

DO NOT DATE ANY OF HIS FRIENDS. That will keep you two tied together and you will not be able to snip that last cord. My EX is with my old next door neighbor. I moved 

There are plenty of good guys out there. Go find one that is a new start. A friend of his that would date you. I have to say they are pretty scummy. They were coveting his wife when you were married. They lack moral fiber. Don't bother.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

Think of him like cancer coming out of remission.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

Your ex is a person who truly doesn't care if he hurts you. He may feel some regret now, but it's only through a selfish lens that is suddenly refocused on you because the fling with his AP isn't working out very well. 

No matter what you think your heart is telling you & no matter what your logical self responds, you should never willingly choose a partner who doesn't care if he hurts you. This is not a good human being.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

You have come so far and now this. He is proclaiming his undying love, yet he is still living with the other woman....come on girl, you know that he is a liar and a cheat. What do liar's and cheats do? They lie and cheat! He is hedging his bets right now, plan A is not looking good, so he thinks you are still plan B, but don't you fall for that stuff. 

My sister was in your position years ago, before she finally lost 200 lbs of unwanted fat (her ex) and found a kind, hard working man. They have built a fun and honest life together, take cruises, ride their motorcycles, friends, family, etc. Your stbx is a selfish individual, you deserve to be treated better than what he has to offer.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*



VFW said:


> My sister was in your position years ago, before she finally lost 200 lbs of unwanted fat (her ex) and found a kind, hard working man. They have built a fun and honest life together, take cruises, ride their motorcycles, friends, family, etc. Your stbx is a selfish individual, you deserve to be treated better than what he has to offer.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

That was great. Thank you...


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

You cannot tell your daughter that White trash daddy who ran away is coming home because the trash lady got tired of him. Someday your daughter would want know why she had to have a trashy step dad.

Bytheway, when OW showed up in your driveway, tryng to find out whether your husband was a jerk, that was pretty low class behavior.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

The facts are nearly 97% of relationships borne of affairs fail. Because then, it becomes a real relationship and no longer a fantasy. The cheater finally gets to see their REAL affair partner's personality. Because being in affairland is a fantasy, there no bills to pay, no mortgage, no children getting in the way, etc. The only thing they have is sneaky, steamy hot sex. The affair partner is their perfect soul mate.

Now he sees that his so-called "soul mate" isn't everything he thought she was. 

His belated confession is just him fishing to see if you can be his fall back plan - Plan B. *DO NOT* take the bait. 

Serial cheaters do not change. Don't let this false, belated confession fool you. You will be down this road again if you attempt another False R. I don't care what he does to try to win you back, he will be remorseful only until his next affair opportunity comes up.

Look at this Soul Mate Schmoopies for a laugh at how it is.

http://soulmateshmoopies.wordpress.com/2010/11/06/part-1/


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

Don't let him do this to you. Don't. He is living with the AP, tells me all I need to know.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

*Re: Almost a year later and ex WS "regrets everything and still loves me" blah...*

Thank you all for taking the time to give me your opinions. I had a temporary moment of weakness on Friday. I haven't spoken to him since then and I don't plan on it. I went against my better judgement on Friday even speaking to him. I'm embarrassed that i even posted this thread and I'm ashamed of myself. I have come along way since DDay Dec. 8, 2012 and I won't ever go down that road with anyone, not only him. Not too mention, I have an almost 16 year daughter, who doesn't need to learn that it's okay to cheat and then come back. She also made me promise her 5 1/2 months ago that I would never take him back. And that's a promise I plan to keep. Please know that he caught me at a weak moment on Friday and I would never actually entertain the idea of getting back together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> The facts are nearly 97% of relationships borne of affairs fail. Because then, it becomes a real relationship and no longer a fantasy. The cheater finally gets to see their REAL affair partner's personality. Because being in affairland is a fantasy, there no bills to pay, no mortgage, no children getting in the way, etc. The only thing they have is sneaky, steamy hot sex. The affair partner is their perfect soul mate.
> 
> Now he sees that his so-called "soul mate" isn't everything he thought she was.
> 
> ...


That was soooooooooo funny and true!!!! Thank you haha!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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