# Don't understand



## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

My partner cheated on me three months ago but we are making the effort to reconcile and got back together three weeks ago. 
I am ready to put his affair behind us and move forward but the lack of sex and affection is just killing me.

I don't understand where his head is?

Admittently his business is on the rocks so I understand that he is under a lot of pressure but surely he is happy that I am giving him a second chance. 

It's just starting to get me down. Our relationship is only a year old


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Perhaps he is still dealing with some guilt and shame from the affair? It may take some time. Have you all thought about couples therapy?


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

He says he is feeling unworthy of his second chance. So yes he is feeling guilt and shame. But I just Feel rejected.
Don't you think he is wallowing in his self pity and not thinking about us.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

hibiscus said:


> He says he is feeling unworthy of his second chance. So yes he is feeling guilt and shame. But I just Feel rejected.
> Don't you think he is wallowing in his self pity and not thinking about us.


Perhaps he is wallowing in self pity but then again, his feelings maybe very real. I would suggest seeking couples therapy.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Definitely couples counseling. Also, and no this isn't fair, but seduce him. Show him it's okay with you for him to have sex with you. Assuming the "best" in a bad situation. He feels guilty and that you don't want him sexually. Show him it's okay.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

hibiscus said:


> He says he is feeling unworthy of his second chance. So yes he is feeling guilt and shame. But I just Feel rejected.
> Don't you think he is wallowing in his self pity and not thinking about us.


It may be all of that or just giving you space. Have you done anything to push it foreward? Maybe he just needs a nudge to let him know its ok?









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

I have tried believe me. I have even spoken to him about it but he says the more I talk about this issue the more it will push him away. I guess I will just have to wait. Very frustrating because I miss that intimacy with him.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Did he not have a business 3 months ago? He managed to deal with the stress of business and have sex with another woman. How sure are you that this affair is over? Was the affair the real problem or was it actually a symptom of a greater problem? Seems that denying you is just him exhibitting the same old selfish behavior as before, only in a different way. I believe I'd let him know that he wasn't the victim, I was. He has maybe two months to make peace with his demons and get his head screwed back on straight. You didn't sign on to be cheated on or to be a nun. If he's not man enough for an honest, adult, long-term relationship, others are. You aren't his confessor or his shrink. You agreed to be a wife. His relationship with you will be that of a husband or an ex husband. Riding the fence or hiding out at his own everlasting pity party won't cut it.


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

With a very heavy heart I need to end this thread as my partner and I had a massive row over patience. We both don't seem to have any patience to make this work so it has ended.

I am absolutely devastated and i just need to let people know that cheating does so much damage to a relationship. I am sure it wasn't worth my partner's ten minutes of sex with another person


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

hibiscus said:


> I am sure it wasn't worth my partner's ten minutes of sex with another person


:iagree:

sorry.


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