# what to do



## la guera (Apr 29, 2010)

I don't know what to do. My husband and I have been married 7 years, we have a beautiful 5 year old. I, maybe like everyone else, married for life, so divorce is difficult to swallow, but what to do when your husband turns out to be in total denial of his emotional and mental issues?
Lets just say he is from a long line of deniers, so it has been a learned behavior over his 39 years. What is he in denial of you may wonder?? Well, that he is verbally abusive and constantly puts me down; that he is a perfectionist who when he arrives at home (even though I have a part time job, am completing a PhD, and take care of 80% of the household responsibilities, including kid) and finds the tiniest thing out of place or dirty, he flies off the handle; that he is a hypocrite who will be passionate about that fact why I shouldn't do something and then turn around and do the very thing to me!; he has a drinking problem (not the daily kind, the kind that he doesn't know when to stop once started and thinks that it is totally okay to not come home after work and stay out until 4 am, all the while turning off his cell because he knows I will be calling); and he is unable to take responsibility for his actions, i.e. everything is someones fault (in his view), but never his fault (see above...). He reinforces his own behavior (denial, denial) by stating the fact that he helps with house work, has never faltered in holding a steady job (even when it meant packing fruit with a bachelors degree), and spends more time at home with his family than most (who is he comparing himself too??). I have told him on a number of occasions that we need to see a counselor, but because he has no need of an objective third party telling him about himself (because he thinks he is perfectly fine, and that there is nothing wrong with him) he tells me to go enjoy myself...alone (with the counselor that is).
I don't know, is it really hopeless? I don't want to get a divorce, I am an optimist, but where do I draw the line?? Oh and I do still love him, don't really know why, but there are glints of hope in there.
*ack* Help!


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## someguy888 (May 15, 2010)

Well, you go to the counselor by yourself and get help for yourself and support. You beg him to come with you and that, if he does not work on the marriage with you, you will leave him because he has obviously given up on the marriage.

If someone doesn't want to work with you, then what's the point of staying in the relationship?


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