# Wife thinks we need time apart I'm scared?



## phiretrojan (Mar 27, 2011)

wasn't to sure where to post this...... reading the post from HUNGUP this is not an Affair

We had been married for 11yrs we had a good talk its been bottled inside her for 4yrs and was waiting for me to step up, we stop being romance, intimacy and having sex, i stopped trying cause when i try to get it on, she to tried or bust cause she always working, (she works from home) we had another talk today and its all the little things i do and i should stepup and finish Example Dishies, i don't do them tell its gets full, she tells me to do this and that around the house, and she told me that she doesnt have to nag me all the time like a mother and she wants to have time apart, to think "is this right" she not going to move out, she is staying where we live i'm moving out (i'm moving into a fully furished place and she is happy for me to leave all my gear here (hopefully that's a sign" we are going to see marriage therapy and our employee for one on one, she wants to start a family cause her clock is ticking i am 33yr and she is 32yr i do love her to bits and i am happy to give her time apart, i just scared to death, its going to fail! i want our spark back seen i know she was waiting for me to start intimacy with her... but i am scared she going to say im tried again, i don't know why i know we are perfect together! i do want to have a family and die together! i just need help!!!! i am willing to Step up and risk everything i own to change for once and for all for my wife and mine future!

she agree when we had our talk its 50-50 both fault but i do love her and want to die with her!!  (


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## HungUp (Feb 26, 2011)

I haven't picked up whether or not you or your wife has actually had an affair or if you think she has, but you have posted in the 'Coping with Infidelity' section so I assume there is something?

Anyway, from somebody who continued with the dreams we had and had children when our marriage was in a very bad condition (her affair), then I would say do not plan on starting a faimily if you are not sure of your situation. I understand your comment on her clock ticking, but the emotional impact after children are there is huge. Sort your marriage first.
As much as I love my children and wouldn't want them not to be there, I often feel that making decisions regarding our being together would be so much easier if we hadn't had them (it was me who pushed to continue and have children).


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

How will you be working on things if you separate? Absence does not make the heart grow fonder but while the cat is away, the mice do play. It is my opinion that separation is simply the "letting you down easy" way of divorce. It is the way that passive people avoid conflict when there is no assertive person present. 

You are not necessarily passive though, not truly. Passive people resolve conflict in one of two ways. They avoid or accommodate. Accommodation is the highest form of conflict resolution for a true passive, and in this situation, you are either not accommodating her needs for you to change or you are accommodating her desire for separation. which is it?

Would be interested to know that.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

She wants to leave because she doesn't like the way you do dishes? Tell her to grab a sponge and do the only perfect way that is.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Do not leave under any circumstances---try everything you can to deal with/discuss the marital problems, and then work on them, while together----

If you seperate---she has all the excuse she needs to either continue/start up with another man

Does your gut tell you anything---that something may be going on with her---have you checked to see if she is spending excess time with her phone, computer etc., etc. Has she changed her grooming habits---is she out and about, IS THERE ANYTHING DIFFERENT ABOUT HER NORMAL LIFESTYLE

If she wants the mge to be over fine--tell her to file for D---but meanwhile YOU STAY HOME---if there are kids, and you leave you can also be accused of ABANDONMENT---be very careful of what you do---but one thing is for sure---for the 3rd time i am telling you DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME


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