# Am I wrong?



## TrustIssues (Jan 5, 2018)

Am I wrong? I found a receipt in my husband's coat for cigarettes and beer. He doesn't drink or smoke at home. He says he quit. So he's what? Drinking beer at work? I asked him if he smokes and he said No. I said well, why do you buy cigarettes? He said well sometimes he smokes. WTF? So he just lied straight to my face? I guess he doesn't see it as lying. Then he blamed me for his smoking and drinking. He said it was my fault he does it. He blames me for his affair 5 years ago. I don't feel that is fair. How am I responsible for his terrible choices? Am I wrong?


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

No, he is blame shifting. Like he did with the affair. I'm guessing you took the bait then so he is trying to use that same old tactic here again with this issue. 

People who don't take responsibility for their own actions aren't marriage material at all. They are cancerous individuals who destroy their own lives and blame every one else for their own problems. I would say its past time to move on from this cancer.


----------



## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

you are not wrong. He is lying with his words and with his deception. A blame shifter does not take responsibility for their own actions. Can't have a healthy marriage with someone like that.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> No, he is blame shifting. Like he did with the affair. I'm guessing you took the bait then so he is trying to use that same old tactic here again with this issue.
> 
> People who don't take responsibility for their own actions aren't marriage material at all. They are cancerous individuals who destroy their own lives and blame every one else for their own problems. I would say its past time to move on from this cancer.


Dude has pretty much hit this nail on the head.
I totally agree.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Your husband is behaving like a child and it is against the law to have sex with a child so tell him to man up or you'll fetch him a pacifier the next time he wants sex.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, you aren't wrong. The real question is why you want to be married to someone who lies and then blames you for the things he does.


----------



## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

He probably enjoys drinking and smoking but you do not approve so he does it when he is apart from you. He’s hiding it then blame shifting because he’s caught doing things you don’t like.
I’d suggest softer approach from you to keep openness and honesty between you. My wife tried the yelling and anger approach when I did the same exact things when I was younger. I ended up hiding things like your husband is. My wife knew it because the smell and asked for me to be honest with her. It hurt her if I was dishonest. I didn’t want to hurt her. So I changed. So I would just tell her, something like, honey I smoked tonight and I hate the way it makes me smell and the way I feel afterward. She changed her attitude and was supportive and following that would ask if I had drinks “did you smoke” and if I said yes she’d say something like “baby you know it’s not good for you” or “okay but don’t kiss me tonight” if I said no she’d say something like “good job baby” and then kiss me. 
I no longer smoke when I drink, it’s been years. It’s best to have a supportive wife who puts on a little loving guilt but comes off as loving and caring not nagging and controlling.


----------

