# Uh oh....



## Untouchable

Ok, so I'm not sure if this belongs here, but the title of the section sounded right.

I have a toddler and a 1 month old. My PP apt is Oct 1st and that's when I was going to get on birth control. I'm not so sure that's a good idea right now. Hubby has been putting condoms on only to take them off 30 seconds later. I know, bad. Ive asked him to wear them so that I don't get pregnant again but for some reason he just wont wear them. I'm so scared I'm pregnant again!!! I've been having the typical pregnancy symptoms but I don't know if its just my mind playing tricks on me. I do BF but not all the time. So I know the BF BC method isnt working. AHHH!!! Another baby wouldn't be bad but I at least want my current two to be completely out of diapers and in school.

I have talked to a couple other people about this and they say that "Your husband isn't wearing a condom because he wants another baby" but every single time I ask him about it he says he wants to wait so why would he take this risk?!
What are your opinions on this whole situation?


----------



## Hope1964

Why are you letting him get away with that?? The second he takes it off you should be closing your legs. WTF? 

Until you find out whether you're pg or not, STOP the second he unsheathes himself.


----------



## Untouchable

I let him get away with it because half the time I don't know if he has it on or not until we are done. I assume it's 30 seconds in because he always stops. I lot a bit of feeling in that region when I gave birth, not sure why but it happened. So if I had the normal feeling back I would be able to tell.


----------



## Hope1964

In that case, he'd be cut off completely till I knew.

That's an incredibly selfish thing for him to do, you know.


----------



## Untouchable

I know its selfish. Hes is never upfront with me about why he takes it off. Its very frustrating.
I have so many things that I want to get done in the next 5 years. I love kids and do want more, but I want to focus on the two I have and myself before I have more. I'd love to get my GED and go to school for something! I've told him this and he just shrugs it off like it doesn't matter. I am only 19, but he treats me like I'm a 5 year old that doesn't really know what I want. Ughhh... I just wish he would at least let me know if he was taking it off so that I could stop him or just be done.


----------



## Hope1964

Seriously, WHY are you having sex with this guy? It sounds like he has zero respect for you. He doesn't care at all about how you feel. Tell him to go whack off if he needs to blow a load without a condom that badly.

You're 19? Wow. You're setting yourself up for a life of hurt. If you were my daughter (mine is only 18) I'd be advising her to get the HELL out.


----------



## Untouchable

Oh my mother has!! She does not like my husband at all anymore. He is very rude and disrespectful to my family and expects me to do everything for him. ):


----------



## turnera

Untouchable said:


> so why would he take this risk?!


Because he is a man and he thinks any birth control should be the woman's job? If you get pregnant, so what? Taking care of them is YOUR job not his; what difference does it make?

Sorry. Do I sound cynical? lol


----------



## turnera

Untouchable said:


> I know its selfish. Hes is never upfront with me about why he takes it off. Its very frustrating.
> I have so many things that I want to get done in the next 5 years. I love kids and do want more, but I want to focus on the two I have and myself before I have more. I'd love to get my GED and go to school for something! I've told him this and he just shrugs it off like it doesn't matter. I am only 19, but he treats me like I'm a 5 year old that doesn't really know what I want. Ughhh... I just wish he would at least let me know if he was taking it off so that I could stop him or just be done.


Ok, now I'm not kidding any more.

There is NO WAY IN HELL you should be having sex with him right now.

And I suggest you find a therapist you can afford and start visiting her. Let her help you up.


----------



## turnera

First thing you do is STOP DOING ANYTHING FOR HIM. Ok?

YOU just had a baby. He should be bending over backwards for YOU.

Try saying no to just ONE THING tomorrow, ok?


----------



## sharkeey

Untouchable said:


> I let him get away with it because half the time I don't know if he has it on or not until we are done. I assume it's 30 seconds in because he always stops. I lot a bit of feeling in that region when I gave birth, not sure why but it happened. So if I had the normal feeling back I would be able to tell.


When he stops, you stop. Look at his penis. If there's no condom there, you know he took it off. At which point you get up, get out of bed, get dressed, and get out of bed and leave the room without saying another word.

I know, you're wondering why you didn't think of this yourself, that's ok.


----------



## turnera

How long have you been with him?

What were your mother's dreams for you?


----------



## FirstYearDown

I wonder why you are already married with children at such a young age.


----------



## Untouchable

turnera said:


> Because he is a man and he thinks any birth control should be the woman's job? If you get pregnant, so what? Taking care of them is YOUR job not his; what difference does it make?
> 
> Sorry. Do I sound cynical? lol


In his eyes, everything is a womans job. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, I do get occasional help from him. So it probably doesn't matter if I do get pregnant again to him.


----------



## turnera

You're in the US, right? Have you looked up the social services you have access to in your state? Have you considered letting him go and focusing on you and your kids and getting your education? 

What you describe, at your age, is not good, Untouchable. It's not a smart choice to make. You can do better.


----------



## turnera

OH, and in the meantime, pick ONE THING that you will no longer do for him. When I asked my husband to pick up just ONE chore, so I didn't have to carry it all on my shoulders, he refused. 

So I sat and thought about it a few days. And then I just stopped washing his clothes. No skin off MY back, if his clothes were washed or not - I didn't have to wear them. 

When he finally ran out of clean clothes and tried to yell at me for it, I just shrugged and said "You SAID you couldn't be bothered to help me, in this house where I take care of you. So I had to lessen the load, and your clothes were the logical choice."

He started doing things around the house that same day. So I started washing his clothes again.

_You TEACH people how to treat you._ Teach him to respect you. Stop being his doormat.


----------



## Untouchable

turnera said:


> OH, and in the meantime, pick ONE THING that you will no longer do for him. When I asked my husband to pick up just ONE chore, so I didn't have to carry it all on my shoulders, he refused.


Well, I did that... Didnt turn out too well. He threw a tantrum like a 2 year old when I asked him to finish the dishes. It wasnt even a full load.

I asked him to help me pick up the living room, too. He said its not dirty, but he had his jeans and boots, a pair of shorts, a tshirt, a pair of socks and another pair of shoes on the floor... and he refused to even pick up HIS stuff so I kicked it into a pile and it's still there. I'm not going to wash his clothes anymore, which will make him mad but jeeze! How am I supposed to do EVERYTHING around the house AND take care of 2 kids while running on 2 hours of sleep a night? He acted yesterday like it's nothing hard and I'm just acting like its hard. Oh boy...


----------



## that_girl

After one month, I was still bleeding from birth, but I had rolled in to a period at about 6 weeks PP.

Your "pregnancy" symptoms could just be left over HCG in your blood stream...it stays for a while.

Your husband is inconsiderate. He isn't respecting your requests. He'd be cut off from sex in this house.


----------



## turnera

Untouchable said:


> when *I asked him *to finish the dishes.
> 
> *I asked him *to help me pick up the living room, too.


Do you see where you went wrong?

You asked him because you're a girl and he's a guy. Stop doing that. You may look at him like he's working so you owe him something.

Well, HE owes YOU something by you allowing him to have you in his life.

You don't ASK him more than once. When he refuses, or acts like a 3 year old, you TAKE AWAY THE CONTROL FROM HIM.

You pick something - like his clothes - that don't matter to you, and you stop doing it. If he leaves his clothes in a pile, you can pick them up after awhile - and throw them all outside. Then he will either have to pick them up himself, or go without.

Now, I'm not saying to instigate something. Be smart about it. But keep communicating to him that you will NOT be his mother or his maid. Make it clear why you're not doing it, how he OWES you to help, and you won't accept less.


----------



## turnera

that_girl said:


> He isn't respecting your requests. He'd be cut off from sex in this house.


Hell YES, he would be cut off!

Please remember your body is YOURS. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, no matter how he pushes you. I suspect that's why you've ended up with 2 kids by now.

Learn to say no.


----------



## Untouchable

He was complaining yesterdayabout how his work clothes were not clean, so I told him "You know theyre dirty, you know where the washer is and how to work it. You're not my child so do it yourself." and he washed his own clothes. But, he left all the clothes he washed in the washer so now they have that wet, icky smell and they are all his so I took them out, put them in a basket on the floor so I could do my laundry. They will stay there until he does them. I also told him he needs to start picking up his messes. 

About a month ago we had a big blow out.. Screaming fight. It was horrible. I told him then that I wasnt his maid, chef or slave and he got pissed. He kept telling me that he was done, that he didnt want to be married anymore and yea, that hurt but he couldnt survive without me right now considering he cannot take care of anything himself. Unless he wantedto go live with his mom, but she can barely take care of herself. Her house is disgusting and she has crap piled up and just paths to get through her tiny trailer. Thats probably half the reason why my husband is such a dang slob. Ick.


----------



## turnera

ANYONE can survive on their own, barring mental or physical handicaps. Ignore him. KNOW what you need in a healthy marriage and if he doesn't do it, point it out. 

Now, if you're a SAHM, I'd expect you to be doing 90% of the housework. But that should not include picking up behind him. THAT is on him.

And in the meantime, start saving up money. Every woman should have an emergency savings account of at least $1000 that only she can access, in case she needs to leave. That way, you know you can leave any time things get worse.


----------



## turnera

Remember that he's acting like a child, hell, he IS a child if he's under age 25. And men mature later than women. What do you do with a child? You ignore their tantrums and pleas for attention and get on with your life. He wants to threaten divorce? Let him.


----------



## Untouchable

turnera said:


> ANYONE can survive on their own, barring mental or physical handicaps. Ignore him. KNOW what you need in a healthy marriage and if he doesn't do it, point it out.
> 
> Now, if you're a SAHM, I'd expect you to be doing 90% of the housework. But that should not include picking up behind him. THAT is on him.
> 
> And in the meantime, start saving up money. Every woman should have an emergency savings account of at least $1000 that only she can access, in case she needs to leave. That way, you know you can leave any time things get worse.


I am a SAHM. I do ALL of the house work. But what irritates me the most is just because I stay home with the kids, does not mean I sit on my butt all day like he thinks I do. I barely get a chance to sit down because of the newborn and my 23 month old. I'm always picking up, cleaning, playing with them, taking care of our two dogs and his kitten. He thinks it's the end of the world when I ask him to do one freakin chore. I understand because I am here that I should do the house work, but I cannot be expected to do it all, all of the time. I need some help on occasion and when I do ask for it all I get is attitude and being called a "lazy house wife". Like wth, seriously? Ugh, I would be SO happy if he would come home and do the dishes or sweep the house (we have hardwood and vinyl flooring in every room except 2/3 bedrooms) without being asked! I wouldn't ask for anything else. But that's never going to happen.


----------



## turnera

One thing you need to start doing is leaving one night a week, after he gets home, and you go hang out at a friend's house, or go to the library to study for your GED, or just go windowshopping at the mall. 

He treats you like his maid because you took ON that role. Stop doing it. As he learns to respect you, he will start to see the benefits. And if he doesn't? Better to end the marriage now than 10 years and 3 more kids later.


----------



## Untouchable

turnera said:


> One thing you need to start doing is leaving one night a week, after he gets home, and you go hang out at a friend's house, or go to the library to study for your GED, or just go windowshopping at the mall.
> 
> He treats you like his maid because you took ON that role. Stop doing it. As he learns to respect you, he will start to see the benefits. And if he doesn't? Better to end the marriage now than 10 years and 3 more kids later.


I would leave 1 night a week, but I'd have to take the kids so it's pointless. I cant trust him with them because half the time he falls asleep or is too into his damn fishing game on Facebook to even pay attention to them.
I did take on that role, but I always asked him to help me with things and he always refused. SO if I didn't want a dirty house I would have to clean it. He would just let it go and it would be horrible.


----------



## turnera

STOP ASKING!

You are not his servant, his maid, his mother. You are an EQUAL.

OK?


----------



## turnera

Look, if your marriage is that bad, why are you there? You can get all kinds of financial help to allow you to move out with the kids. Make a plan, start saving money, and move out. My guess is he really doesn't want to be married anyway, and you'll both be better off.


----------



## turnera

Untouchable said:


> I would leave 1 night a week, but I'd have to take the kids so it's pointless.


It's not that you CAN'T trust him. You THINK that he won't take good enough care of them. But you'll never find out if you don't do it.


----------



## Untouchable

I know he cant take care of them... I have walked in and hes asleep and my daughter is running around the house getting into everything she's not supposed to and my son is crying with a dirty diaper and is hungry. And that one time was enough for me and I was only gone for an hour.


----------



## turnera

Then take some money out of his wallet, and hire the girl down the street to watch them while you go out. You're making a lot of excuses.


----------



## Untouchable

turnera said:


> Then take some money out of his wallet, and hire the girl down the street to watch them while you go out. You're making a lot of excuses.


He refuses to keep cash in his wallet. 
I could hire the girl down the street but I don't want a meth head watching my kids either. I'm not making excuses. I could go out, but I choose not to because I care about my kids and if they are being taken care of. Sadly, he doesn't care for them like he should so I refuse to leave with out them because I know if they are with me they are being cared for. Now, I could leave them with my parents but that is a whole different story by its self.


----------



## turnera

The point is, YOU have the power to change your crappy situation. Waiting on him to change IS an excuse. If you want a better life, make it.


----------



## Hope1964

And you REALLY want to have another kid with this guy?!?! 

Come on, PLEASE quit making excuses here and DO something about it. For yourself, but also your kids. What kind of example are you showing them? That you deserve to be treated like sh!t? You want your daughter to grow up and be treated like you, and your son to treat women like your husband does??


----------



## Untouchable

I want better for my kids but how in the hell do I survive without him? Thats what I'm stuck on. It makes me sick to think of life without him but life with him sucks. I don't know. I'm young, dumb, and sadly, in love with an as$hole. I have no work experience, and the last time I had a job I was 15. SO no way am I going to be able to have a place of my own, be able to buy clothes for the kids and food for them. It just seems impossible right now. I could do it if I actually had an education. Plus, trying to get a job around here is difficult as it always has been since I was 14 and I was able to work. It's mainly casinos and bars and you have to be 21 to work them. It's just frustrating. 

He asked me when he got home why I didn't do his laundry and I told him because they are not my clothes and I do everything else. So he said he would do them and he didnt. Im not going to give in and do them. If they start to stink because they were wet I will put them on the outside porch. I told him to pick up the living room while I made dinner and to take care of the baby since our daughter was "helping" with dinner and he did! Big surprise.


----------



## turnera

Yes, telling is MUCH better than asking. I've been married over 30 years, and it took me this long to learn it! EXPECT to be respected!

Here's what I would do for your future. 

One, get on birth control ASAP. PLEASE don't have any more kids with this guy for now. Do the smart thing.

Two, start a savings account that only you can access. Put in a dollar here, $5 there; eventually, it will be enough to help you; you're in no hurry to leave, ok? 

Three, promise yourself that you will spend AT LEAST one hour a day on studying for your GED. You won't get ANYWHERE without that. You have GOT to get that GED and if you break up the studying to one hour a day, it will be doable. Especially now, when your kids are still young enough to take naps. Remind yourself that your getting your GED is JUST as important as dusting that bookshelf or washing those sheets. You HAVE to make it important. Make a pledge to sign up for it and to take it before next June. That will give you a goal to work toward. And, once you have that GED, apply for your local junior college. They are affordable, small classes, and will transfer to a university degree. Even if you just take one class a semester, you'll be getting somewhere. fwiw, I went to night school and worked full time, and it took me 15 years to get my degree. But once I did, I got to work at NASA for 11 years before I left (government doesn't pay well) and now I work at the biggest cancer hospital in the world. Even going to college part time, you can reach your dreams.

Four, start working on making time for yourself so that you don't get burned out. I don't care HOW you do it, find a way to get out at least once a week. Trust me, if you don't do this - don't ACT as though you are just as valuable as your husband, you will be vulnerable for depression; and once that happens, you're unlikely to finish everything without outside help. And since you don't have outside help...Don't put yourself in that position.

And five, start practicing standing up for yourself and telling, not asking. A good way to do this is to read self-help books; you will learn SO MUCH about how to have healthy relationships and to even fix the one you have. I'm sure your husband is a good guy, but you're both young and inexperienced and uneducated, and that's the worst combination. You learning more will help you have a better relationship and he's likely to follow your lead. A great, easy to read book to start with is called The Dance Of Anger. My therapist and several other people recommended it to me. It teaches you how to say no to someone (if you're used to taking care of other people and Giving, like you do with your husband) without them getting mad at you. You can get it at your library. I recommend going to the library once a week and getting a new self-help book each week. Between studying for GED and reading self-help books, you'll have your hands full! And libraries are GREAT places to take you toddler - get him to love reading and you'll have him set for life.

And btw, if you DO pull yourself up and become able to take care of yourself and make noises about leaving, don't be surprised if suddenly, he starts caring about you and wanting to please you. It may only be because he CAN take you for granted that he does.


----------



## ScaredandUnsure

Either get on some sort of birth control right away, or stop having sex with him. Sorry to say sweetheart, but your husband sounds like a loser. Start doing things for yourself and your kids. 

And I agree with what everyone else is saying.

Good Luck Honey.


----------



## Hope1964

Everything turnera said.

Only you can do it. No one will do it for you. And you need to start NOW. Don't waste any more time. Life, a GOOD life, for you and your kids is out there. You just have to decide to make it happen.

You CAN do it.


----------



## Untouchable

turnera said:


> Three, promise yourself that you will spend AT LEAST one hour a day on studying for your GED. You won't get ANYWHERE without that. You have GOT to get that GED and if you break up the studying to one hour a day, it will be doable. Especially now, when your kids are still young enough to take naps. Remind yourself that your getting your GED is JUST as important as dusting that bookshelf or washing those sheets. You HAVE to make it important. Make a pledge to sign up for it and to take it before next June. That will give you a goal to work toward. And, once you have that GED, apply for your local junior college. They are affordable, small classes, and will transfer to a university degree. Even if you just take one class a semester, you'll be getting somewhere. fwiw, I went to night school and worked full time, and it took me 15 years to get my degree. But once I did, I got to work at NASA for 11 years before I left (government doesn't pay well) and now I work at the biggest cancer hospital in the world. Even going to college part time, you can reach your dreams.


I do know that the local place charged $400+ to get a GED. I looked into it several months ago. Buuuut... I can save up while I study for it and as far as college, I can use my husbands GI Bill for that. And if you could see where I live, there is no way I could have time to myself each week unless I drive 30 minutes away to Walmart... I live in a town with a population of 3200. So not much to do here and our library is so tiny it's pointless to even have. But, I could just go for a walk around the neighborhood. 

Oh and my PP appointment is Oct. 1, so thats when I get to choose the bc I want, so I will have that area taken care of soon. But it doesn't matter right now because he wants nothing to do with me and everything to do with porn.


----------



## turnera

I don't think that's right, Untouchable. I don't think you have to pay more than $20-$30 to take a GED. You're probably thinking of a CLASS to get better grades. Go to your library and ask them for help. Also contact United Way and see how they can help you with stuff; it's what they are there for.


----------



## COGypsy

If I understood your location correctly, according to your state workforce office, The max that can be charged for testing is $130 for the 5 sections, $26 for single section re-takes.

South Dakota Department of Labor and Regulation - Workforce Training & Education - GED Testing Feeds


----------



## Untouchable

COGypsy said:


> If I understood your location correctly, according to your state workforce office, The max that can be charged for testing is $130 for the 5 sections, $26 for single section re-takes.
> 
> South Dakota Department of Labor and Regulation - Workforce Training & Education - GED Testing Feeds


I must have looked up the wrong thing or went to a different website. Thank you for the link. 

I was going to get my HS Diploma through Penn Foster and it's $40/month with a larger down payment. But now a days a GED gets people the same place a HS dip does. 

I'm going to go to my old HS counselor and have him get me the GED study sheets (he gave them to me when I was a freshman) so I get get the ball rolling with this so then I can go to school or something and better myself for my kids.


----------



## turnera

Whatever you do, do NOT go to a for-profit college!



> I'm going to go to my old HS counselor and have him get me the GED study sheets (he gave them to me when I was a freshman) so I get get the ball rolling with this so then I can go to school or something and better myself for my kids.


 Yay! Good for you, I'm proud of you!


----------



## Untouchable

A for-profit? Explain please? 

And I'm actually kind of excited! Im sure I can do studying, housework and kids all at once. :::


----------



## turnera

There are non-profit colleges like state-run colleges (reasonable), and there are private colleges, like Rice or Harvard (super expensive), and then there are for-profit ones who actually strive to make a profit at the students' expense. You could end up spending $150,000 for 4 years, where it would cost $50,000 at a non-profit (state) college. They work it so you don't realize you're spending so much - it'a all in loans and future payments.

Always, always start out at a junior college. It's a fraction of the cost, fewer students per class so better instruction, and you learn more.

For example, I took Calculus at the 4-year University of Houston, one of 300 students! It was the only class I ever made a C in. After that, I went to the junior college and retook it, with 29 students, and made an A. At UH, it cost me about $500 (remember this was 30 years ago), but at the junior college it only cost $75.


----------



## SunnyT

If there is a local college, jr college, community college...whatever they call it there.... call them and ask about the GED. Here, they give you a pre-test, and there are free adult ed classes where you can get help if you need it. 

Also, my son was practicing for his GED and we did all the online free pretests. Most of it was doable, but the math seemed really complicated (and I'm a teacher). We did what we could, and he went to take the class ....had to sign up in advance and here it cost $75. He took it, passed, and when he came out he said..."If I don't pass that math I deserve to work at McDonalds forever." He said it was pretty much 6th grade math. Totally doable. There is alot of free stuff online for you to study and practice, but I've found that most of the pre-tests online are way harder than the real life tests! So don't get discouraged!

My other kids got their high school diplomas from a mail order place. It is WAY easy, like elementary stuff... cost $150 and they send you a packet to complete (supposedly 4 years of high school) but it's actually like one paper/worksheet per subject per grade. It is St. James Academy phone #772-468-6198. It's legit, we used to live there (south Florida) and I've been to the place. Plus I ordered another son's packet from there last year. And, the junior colleges accept the credit/diploma because my daughter went on to get her nursing certification. (She is currently 23 with an 8 year old ....single mom, finally moved out and is making it work!) 

I also went to jr. college when my 5 kids were under 10. Took me 5 years...I couldn't go in the summer.... but I got my teaching degree, and its the best idea I ever had! I took teaching so that I wouldn't have to worry about child care.... and that is exactly how it played out. 

My point is.... you can do it! Find a way.


----------



## Untouchable

Well, I told my husband what I'm doing and he's happy for me which is a surprise.

The only part that worries me about the GED is the math, but if you say it's really that easy then I'll do just fine. I have always struggled with math and it's a weak point for me. But, I do have several math experts in my family that I can go to for help while I study. Theres a college 25 miles away, and as far as I know they do online classes, so that might be an option for me once I get my GED. 

I'm actually pretty excited to be TRYING to do something for me!


Oooh, and update... FINALLY got my period. Whew. Now to decide what kind of BC to get. Because there are only certain ones I can take while BFing.


----------



## turnera

I'm proud of you for making these plans. fwiw, I drove to a job 25 miles away every day for 6 years. It's not that big of a deal, once you get used to it. When you do go, try to schedule as many classes on the same day so there's less travel.

Oh, and most girls I know are better at math than boys are. They just let society stereotype them and they believe it.


----------



## Untouchable

The drive only ends up being a max of 30 minutes if traffic is bad. 
I think I'll look into online classes so I can do them at home, and if I have to actually go to the campus it's not that far away. 

I wish I was good at math, but I'm not ):


----------



## turnera

Everyone's good at everyday math (not talking calculus here); you just have to have the right teacher. My DD22 complained just like you do, and she took two remedial classes in college - one at her college and another at the junior college back home. College...D. Junior college...A. And a slap to the forehead like..duh! NOW it makes sense.

It's all in the teacher.


----------



## Untouchable

Thats true. I know in HS I had a teacher that kinda sucked. I did better figuring out the math by myself. He never really showed us how to do it, just told us and I'm a visual learner.


----------



## Hope1964

I am REALLY glad you got your period. And that you are making plans for school! That's exciting  Good for you!!!


----------



## Untouchable

Hope1964 said:


> I am REALLY glad you got your period. And that you are making plans for school! That's exciting  Good for you!!!


I'm glad too!! But periods suck lol.
I'm really excited to get some stuff done for once.
Now, time to figure out if my hubby is going to join the Army or what's going on. :S


----------



## ScaredandUnsure

Untouchable said:


> Well, I told my husband what I'm doing and he's happy for me which is a surprise.
> 
> The only part that worries me about the GED is the math, but if you say it's really that easy then I'll do just fine. I have always struggled with math and it's a weak point for me. But, I do have several math experts in my family that I can go to for help while I study. Theres a college 25 miles away, and as far as I know they do online classes, so that might be an option for me once I get my GED.
> 
> I'm actually pretty excited to be TRYING to do something for me!
> 
> 
> Oooh, and update... FINALLY got my period. Whew. Now to decide what kind of BC to get. Because there are only certain ones I can take while BFing.


Talk to your doctor about the non hormonal IUD (the copper) or the mini pill, I used the mini pill after my twins were born, actually don't use that, I got pregnant on that with my daughter when the boys were only 5 months old. I'd go with the IUD.


----------



## Untouchable

ScaredandUnsure said:


> Talk to your doctor about the non hormonal IUD (the copper) or the mini pill, I used the mini pill after my twins were born, actually don't use that, I got pregnant on that with my daughter when the boys were only 5 months old. I'd go with the IUD.


IUDs scare the crap out of me. All of the horror stories about them going through the wall and causing infertility. Ahhh.


----------



## COGypsy

I'll be getting my third IUD next year unless my hormone panels suggest otherwise. I've had the Mirena, the hormonal IUD for 9 or so years now. I haven't have a period in pretty much that whole time. Never a problem. Unless my bloodwork indicates peri menopause and a need for HRT,I'll get one more IUD before menopause. I seriously love mine, can't say enough good things about it!


----------



## turnera

My DD22 uses the depo prevera shots once a quarter; hasn't had a period in 4 years. No side effects.


----------



## Untouchable

Is Paraguard the non-hormone IUD? I think that's the one that can be left in for 10 years too if I'm correct. 
Mini pill I'd have to be very disciplined with that and set an alarm every day for that. My mom was on the depo for 9 years, never had a period until she got off of it and then she had her period every day for a year with a 1 week break and then she had to have a hystorectomy (sp?) after because of all the problems the shot caused her. :O Thats exactly why I am an only child lol. Well, I have until Monday to figure out what I want. I might as well go with an IUD just because I don't have to worry about it every day.


----------



## Remains

Have u had your birth control sorted? I guess yes seeing as it is now Thurs. I hope you have gone for the copper coil and not the hormonal one? Though it will only make a difference if you react to hormones. 

As the subject got on to which type, I thought I would put my experience on here. Hormones never agreed with me. I went on 4 different types of pill but all gave me the heaviest periods ever. I had to change a super duper tampon at my heaviest parts of the week 3 times during THE NIGHT. When I awoke and dashed to the toilet each time it was like a murderous blood bath. 

I then went to get a cap fitted. The nurse talked me into having depo provera injection. I had the first one, started getting some problems with sex by the time I went for the second. When I went for my third, problems worse, I mentioned the problems to the nurse. My problems were soreness and pain when having sex. She asked how often I had sex. Before Depo I was insatiable. A very high sex drive. She blamed it on too much sex! I was only getting it twice a day if I was lucky! I never had to go back for the 4th injection as I was unable to have sex anymore by then. A great birth control! So, after only 9 months on it, I was then unable to have sex, or use tampons, for the the next 6 years. I also had no interest in sex either by this point. I struggled with sex for the next 16 years. Additionally, my periods never became regular again after that, at least for a very long time. It is now 21 years since my last injection. I think they are fairly regular now, but even 10 years later it wasn't unheard of for me to go 3 months without a period and then on a week off a week for the next 3 periods. Even 15 years later.

I researched quite a bit on depo after being screwed up so much. Medical advice at the time was extensive counselling before going on it, most ideal for women on the menopause, one of the side effects was loss of libido. Some catholic priests in Ireland, 7 to be exact, who had messed with young boys were given the drug to suppress their sex drive so they would no longer wish for young boy love! 

I am now using a copper coil, no hormones, after not using any contraception for 17 years. Withdrawal method only! It worked great! And I am VERY fertile. Obviously the man has to be totally trusted with that one tho! 

Beware the dreaded hormones!


----------



## Hope1964

My advice is to stay FAR FAR away from any type of hormonal birth control.

Here's a book every young woman should read

Taking Charge of Your Fertility - TCOYF

It sounds like it's for helping women get pg but it also talks about NOT getting pg. I wouldn't rely on it exclusively for birth control, but learning about your own body will take you a long way toward control of it. My daughter has this book and uses the FAM method plus condoms for BC. In your case, you might want to use a female condom, not a male condom


----------



## Samus

From reading your post your marriage is not that bad and it definetly fixable. Your husband seems like he is just a little lazy around the house regarding chores and part of it is because he is the only bread winner. 

Even though he should definetly give you a hand when you ask him to help you, its not like you are asking because you are just trying to pick on him, you really need the help, so sit down and talk to him calmly and nicely and tell him your day. 

I can understand him pulling out the condom. Condoms are for single people, not married people, but you need some form of birth control and condoms are the worse for MEN, I hate them and most men hate them especially when they have to use it with there wife not that is ICK!! LOL.

Either he gets snip snip (vasectomy, or you can do tubal ligation, or BC pills, IUD), but don't get mad because he wants to enjoy his sexual experience more with you and I sure you enjoy it more to when he is bareback vs wearing a condom. 

I think you guys don't have it that bad, he just needs to grow up a little and I think that it is very possible.


----------

