# Wayward Husband Amnesia Affair



## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

My husband is 21. He cheated on me with one girl at the beginning of our relationship. Then 5 months into marriage, he had an 8 month affair with a co-worker. He says this is how the story goes:
She approached him and gave him her number. (She is married too, btw). In October of 2014.
He threw it away after telling her thank you.
She came back to him a couple days later and asked why he had not messaged or called. He told her, "I am interested, but i have a wife." She told him there was a way around that, to chat on Words with Friends game." They started "sexting" every day and night and he says it lasted until sometime around when we found out I was pregnant with our first child. He said they would meet up about 1 to 2 times a week, for 10 to 15 min at a time only, behind the store, and kiss, hold hands, grope over clothing only and he swears they never had sex. So this went on for 8 months. Sexting and their 1-2 times a week 10-15 min make out fests. The other girl is the one who told me through facebook, a year after it ended! My husband started off telling me that it was just a couple of kisses...then it was only about 3 weeks....then, after a month of trickle truth, the rest of that came out. He admitted that he thought she was prettier and thinner than me, he says nothing was lacking in our marriage, he just liked the attention he got from her and he had no intentions of ending it. He admits to thinking of her when he was having sex with me at that time. He admits to telling her he wished he was with her, even during our holidays with family and anniversary. While the festivities were going on! One thing he had promised me was that he SWORE she ended it before he found out I was pregnant with our son, but He FAILED that polygraph question. Now he says he cant remember. He has now maintained that he cannot remember 90% of what they said to each other, or if they sent naked photos, or if he put his hand down her pants, or if she was in his truck. The polygraph question he failed was "Did you have sexual contact with ****** after finding out your wife was pregnant? He said no and failed. HE claims its because now he is just not sure if it was right before or right after. He has even gone as far as to blame his PTSD from losing his dad to suicide 7 years ago. He can remember everything else, except the answers i ask about the affair! Thoughts?


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

You're kidding, right?


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## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> You're kidding, right?


Nope!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Eight months of sexting, making out, and groping, but no sex?

And you actually believed that?

He's lying.

Dump the chump.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

And your question is...?

Quit trying to squeeze a confession out of him or looking for details. What or when or how much doesn't count. It's that it happened. if you got those goods on him, you need to make a decision. Irrespective of his admission about the other things.


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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

Maybe he doesn't remember, but that doesn't change the fact that he cheated on you.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

@ChloeIris IMO Your husband had lots of sex with the woman and still continues to do so. So knowing that, what do YOU want and what are YOU going to do next?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

He failed the polygraph because he's lying. He cheated on you for MONTHS. This wasn't even the first time he cheated, which makes him a serial cheater. If you stay with this "man" you have a lifetime of distrust, insecurity, anxiety, and STD tests ahead of you. And that's if he doesn't knock anyone up and end up having to make child support payments.

Were I you, I'd leave.


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

I think he was a 19 year old kid ill suited for marriage and commitment.

I think he's told you half truths.

I think he's told you out and out lies.

I think he's full of $hit.

I think you know he's full of $hit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Eight months of setting, making out, and groping, but no sex?
> 
> And you actually believed that?
> 
> ...


He says they talked about it but never found a way around it because he was afraid he would get caught. They talked about doing it in his truck, behind the store or her buying a hotel room but that he was afraid to get caught and that is why she dumped him.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

You are in your 20's and have your whole life ahead of you. Please don't waste it with a cheater. Get your kid and get out, find a real man and don't look back. No one deserves this.

Time to leave


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

CI,

Have him write out a time line for the affair, and other affairs and inappropriate behavior, with every detail written out. 

Remind him that lies are worse than the ugliest truth and there is no recovery without truth. THEN...

Have him put on his big boy panties and take a polygraph to validate that what was written out in the timeline is correct. 

Accept it as fact that he remembers EVERYTHING.

How big of him to decide what he needs to tell you. 

Tamat


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

CI,

You also need to expose the OW on facebook, linedin, to her H or BF, family, work, church etc.

Don't warn or threaten, especially to your H as he will tip off the other woman. Do it all at once. Your H needs to understand that there are consequences to his infidelity and loss of his reputation is one of them. 

Tamat


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Divorce his butt and move on. Most men are not ready to be faithful to one woman at age 21. Wait until you are in your late 20's to marry again. He is a liar and a cheater.


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## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> He failed the polygraph because he's lying. He cheated on you for MONTHS. This wasn't even the first time he cheated, which makes him a serial cheater. If you stay with this "man" you have a lifetime of distrust, insecurity, anxiety, and STD tests ahead of you. And that's if he doesn't knock anyone up and end up having to make child support payments.
> 
> Were I you, I'd leave.


Here's the kicker! She had twins around the same time I had our son. He swears they never had sex so they cannot possibly be his. This is what he claims. I spoke with the tramp's husband and he said he believes his wife and hes not doing a paternity test.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ChloeIris said:


> He says they talked about it but never found a way around it because he was afraid he would get caught. They talked about doing it in his truck, behind the store or her buying a hotel room but that he was afraid to get caught and that is why she dumped him.


He's lying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ChloeIris said:


> Here's the kicker! She had twins around the same time I had our son. He swears they never had sex so they cannot possibly be his. This is what he claims. I spoke with the tramp's husband and he said he believes his wife and hes not doing a paternity test.


Your husband a liar.

Her husband is an idiot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

CI,

BTW kissing is SEX, possibly more emotional and intimate then sex even. 

Tamat


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## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

TAMAT said:


> CI,
> 
> You also need to expose the OW on facebook, linedin, to her H or BF, family, work, church etc.
> 
> ...


I did expose her to her husband and HE got mad at me and was actually nice to my husband and told him, "Its ok man. I believe you did not have sex with her" but went off on me. I exposed her to all her family and friends and they said to leave "that poor family alone". She does not work anymore and cant i get in trouble for exposing her on Facebook? What if she retaliates by causing problems with my life?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

CI,

At least have a plan for what to do if the OW divorces and then tries to force a DNA test to get child support from your H.

Tamat


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

The boldness of his lies make sense, though... if he cops to having sex w/ her, then he has to open himself up to the possibility of paying child support to not only her, but eventually you as well.

The only reason she's not gone after him for any money (yet) is that her chump seems to be content to believe her lies.

That might change, though.

Get your licks in before she gets a chance.

Dump this assh*le, file for divorce, and get all the child support that you can out of him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

TAMAT said:


> CI,
> 
> BTW kissing is SEX, possibly more emotional and intimate then sex even.
> 
> Tamat


Wow, now that is really stretching the definition.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Goodness.

He's insulting your intelligence. Of course they had sex and of course he remembers it. What difference does it really matter whether he continued it after he found out you were pregnant? He still *cheated* on you; during your *first year* of marriage when you should be in your honeymoon phase.

If he would cheat on you that soon, what do you think the chances are that he will never do it again? Almost zero.

I'm sorry you have a child with this loser, but you need to dump him now. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. You deserve better.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

blueinbr,

Responding to what I wrote about kissing you wrote, 

"Wow, now that is really stretching the definition."

I wrote what I did because of my personal experience and speaking with others and what I read from posters. In many cases couples continue to have sex after the kissing has stopped or become passionless. 

I hear that over and over again. One partner is trying desperately to reignite the relationship but just doesn't know whats wrong with them or what they did wrong.

If my W were to start kissing me again with any real passion it would be as good as if she started having sex with me again. 

Tamat


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

So he agreed to a polygraph, you went and he failed it?


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## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

LosingHim said:


> So he agreed to a polygraph, you went and he failed it?


Yes. Here were the questions:

Have you ever had vaginal intercourse with xxxx?
Have you ever had oral sex with xxxxx?

Other than xxxxxx (me) and xxxxx (her), have you had sexual contact with anyone else since December 12, 2013?

Did you have any sexual contact with xxxx (her) after finding out xxxx (me) was pregnant with xxxxxx (our son)?

The last one was deception, the rest inconclusive. His final value was 0.032 % probability this test was answered by a truthful person.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ChloeIris said:


> Yes. Here were the questions:
> 
> Have you ever had vaginal intercourse with xxxx?
> Have you ever had oral sex with xxxxx?
> ...


Sounds pretty conclusive to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> The boldness of his lies make sense, though... if he cops to having sex w/ her, then he has to open himself up to the possibility of paying child support to not only her, but eventually you as well.
> 
> The only reason she's not gone after him for any money (yet) is that her chump seems to be content to believe her lies.
> 
> ...


 ^ This ^ in spades.
He does remember, but only needs to cop to what you know about. He'll offer you nothing that you don't already have a good clue about. You'll be trapped in distrust and trickle truth for as long as you stay with him. Even (and the probability is extremely low) if he didn't have a PA with her are you willing to accept that your the backup now, and that not only does he disrespect you but also the OW and the OW's idiot husband. Get a lawyer, get away from him, and get the life you deserve.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

What is your goal here?

If he is honest (the entire world knows that he can remember), would the fact of his sudden honesty affect whether you leave him or not?

People can get very dug in with their lies. They hit points of no return. Your very juvenile WH can't walk this back now because he has taken the lies to the absurd point you find yourself in.

If you truly think that the fact of his infidelity, the fact of his immature self, and the fact of his general disregard for you are not really dealbreakers & the real dealbreakers is the stupidest whopper of all, i.e., that he can't remember, then have him do another poly, this time with a single question, something along the lines of:

"Do you remember the things about your A with OW that you say you don't remember?' 

If the facts above are more salient in your decision-making process, however, then let this go and just divorce the guy.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

So,

1) He had an affair
2) He hid the affair
3) He lied about the affair
4) He tried to trick a polygraph about the affair
5) He now says he "can't remember" which is also a lie

Does he EVER tell the truth?


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## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

alte Dame said:


> What is your goal here?
> 
> If he is honest (the entire world knows that he can remember), would the fact of his sudden honesty affect whether you leave him or not?


He has agreed to do A LOT of things to make me feel safe again. 

Only thing holding me back is I want the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me GOD!

If he would tell the truth. I would stay and try to work it out.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Chloe, my only added advice is that you eject all three of these immature, dysfunctional people from your life (your H, the OW, and her husband), tout de suite.

Then, fill your life with people who don't jerk you around.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

TAMAT said:


> If my W were to start kissing me again with any real passion it would be as good as if she started having sex with me again.


Same here. :frown2:

OP, are you financially and emotionally able to divorce? Because even if the affairs stop, there is high risk IMO of a loveless or sexless marriage.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

CI,

Married only a few years, young child, your H is serially cheating having sex with OWs and he lies to you.

Give him one final chance to come clean or you will D. Regardless of how he responds D him immediately. You r young don't waste you life living in lies and deceit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Hey girl. I been watching you over at SI. sorry, stalker....but i was banned from that site a year ago. Long story.... 

Anyways please fill everyone in on the sex posters in your room, and the fact he encouraged you to be heavy by saying he liked BBW, and only now says he likes thinner women. 

Please fill everyone in on THAT crazy back history. 


Girl....you don't need the truth from him. You need to follow through with the papers you served him last week. 
You need to divorce this worthless little man. This is him at 21. You may think he will grow up but girl....he is a TERRIBLE MAN. 

Like i said, i have kept up on your posts over at SI.... leave the worthless POS.


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## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

threelittlestars said:


> Hey girl. I been watching you over at SI. sorry, stalker....but i was banned from that site a year ago. Long story....
> 
> Anyways please fill everyone in on the sex posters in your room, and the fact he encouraged you to be heavy by saying he liked BBW, and only now says he likes thinner women.
> 
> ...


Lol. Thats ok. Yes, i should. Its a lot to copy and paste, but i will. Feel free to add anything from over at SI about this here. Im gathering opinions for a good reason.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

ChloeIris said:


> He has agreed to do A LOT of things to make me feel safe again.
> 
> Only thing holding me back is I want the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me GOD!
> 
> If he would tell the truth. I would stay and try to work it out.


So, you have told him that you will try to R if he 'remembers'?

I don't believe that he believes you. Why would he? He knows that suspecting the truth and knowing it are two different animals. He knows that you could easily change your mind once you hear what he really did.

I'm with all the others and think that he is too immature and dishonest to be a good partner.

That being said, though, that is not your own feeling, so if you want a solution path, then I would suggest the following:

1. Tell him that you promise to give your M a serious try, but only if he comes clean.

2. You will put this promise in writing.

3. Tell him that any answer he gives now re the truth and his memory will be tested by a polygraph. 

4. If the polygraph indicates he has not been deceptive, you will do as you promised, and give R a try. This means that if he still insists that he can't remember and the poly says that's true, then you accept it.

With any luck, he will finally swallow his pride and break down and 'remember' his A details, in which case you also accept it and try to R.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

You're asking all the wrong questions.

I get it. You've been lied to, cheated on, told you're not good enough and not pretty enough.

But now you've got your back up and you're defending yourself and trying to get answers.

Calm down. Take a breath. ACCEPT. Accept that H is a cheating, unreliable person. Accept that you made a mistake in marrying him.

Just put a fork in it. You're so young. You've got a whole life ahead. Find someone who adores you. He's out there.

Don't worry about answers from your H and judgements from others. That stuff doesn't matter.


Your H was out of the picture for me the minute he told you he thought the OW was prettier. Tell him he can have her and the 3 of them (+2) can go off and do whatever groping and non-sexual activities they want.


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## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Your H was out of the picture for me the minute he told you he thought the OW was prettier. Tell him he can have her and the 3 of them (+2) can go off and do whatever groping and non-sexual activities they want.


Omg! Bwahahahahaha! You have NO idea how much I love this response!!!!!! <3


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

It baffles me that your husband would tell you that he fell for another woman because she was prettier than you, or thinner. That’s just cold.

There’s always going to be someone out there prettier than you, thinner than you, better at something than you, smarter than you, etc. But it’s your husbands job to make you feel like there ISN’T. So not only did he cheat, he cheated because the girl was better looking? 

This guy sounds like a total douche.


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## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

LosingHim said:


> It baffles me that your husband would tell you that he fell for another woman because she was prettier than you, or thinner. That’s just cold.
> 
> There’s always going to be someone out there prettier than you, thinner than you, better at something than you, smarter than you, etc. But it’s your husbands job to make you feel like there ISN’T. So not only did he cheat, he cheated because the girl was better looking?
> 
> This guy sounds like a total douche.


I wish I could post a photo of me here!!!  I am a freaking tattoo model. 5'7" 155lbs. He even looked up the "worlds fattest woman" and told the OW that is what i looked like!


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

ChloeIris said:


> I wish I could post a photo of me here!!!  I am a freaking tattoo model. 5'7" 155lbs. He even looked up the "worlds fattest woman" and told the OW that is what i looked like!


You can, In your picture.  

But i believe you are beautiful. This is a man who will grasp at any straw to excuse his deplorable behavior. including throwing YOUR self esteem under the bus. 

That is not a man to Reconcile with. EVER.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

ChloeIris said:


> I wish I could post a photo of me here!!!  I am a freaking tattoo model. 5'7" 155lbs. He even looked up the "worlds fattest woman" and told the OW that is what i looked like!


Seems like getting you heavier made it easier for him to detach himself from you. Why do you want to stay with someone like that?

The BS with his "amnesia" is just that......BS.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

rzmpf said:


> Seems like getting you heavier made it easier for him to detach himself from you. Why do you want to stay with someone like that?
> 
> The BS with his "amnesia" is just that......BS.


On SI where she posts she said he actually lied and fed her good to get fatter. But then later says he does not like that. 

This man is a psychopath.


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## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

threelittlestars said:


> ChloeIris said:
> 
> 
> > I wish I could post a photo of me here!!!
> ...


Where do i do that at? Im very comfortable for anyone knowing who i am.


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## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

threelittlestars said:


> ChloeIris said:
> 
> 
> > I wish I could post a photo of me here!!!
> ...


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

****...you look like liv tyler...

She was like the ultimate HOT chick of the late 90s and early 2000s. 

Any chance your are another one of Steve Tyler's illegitimate kids? 

Damn....uncanny.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

5’7 and 155 is not fat. I’m 5’6 and 143 and I wear a size 4. I’ve been called too skinny. While I would personally like a little more muscle tone, I’m not fat by any means and neither are you.

That is honestly a form of abuse.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

exactly. this man is abusive and he has probably set you back YEARS worth of therapy.... Or vodka...(Not recommended)


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## ChloeIris (Jun 6, 2016)

threelittlestars said:


> ****...you look like liv tyler...
> 
> She was like the ultimate HOT chick of the late 90s and early 2000s.
> 
> ...


Lol. Nope. I know who my dad was. He passed away in 2000 though.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Inconclusive polygraph with a high failure percentage means he's lying about all of it and maybe more.

Maybe the twins are your H's, maybe they are the OW's H's. Either way, he got lucky this time. Next time, it might be a woman who chooses to have the baby and file for support. In our state, the parent who files for support gets the lions share and any subsequent support orders are less. So, if you're going to leave him, and I recommend you do, then do it before he gets some fool pregnant and she gets the lions share while your kids get less.

As for the info you posted on SI, I'd have left him for what you posted here alone. Add in the rest and it's a no brainer.

I met a guy at 16, got pregnant at 17 due to interaction between the Pill and an antibiotic I was on for a lung infection, had my DD at 18 and married the miserable sack that is her biological father to "do the right thing" at 19. At 23, I got pregnant again due to condom failure. The man lied about lying, screwed anything that stood still long enough, and was irresponsible as all hell. I left him for another man, who I have been with for 16 years now, when the kids were 6 and 1 year old. Divorcing his azz was the best decision I made in my life aside from marrying my DH and choosing to have my kids.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I read page one and then skipped to this page and now you're posting pictures of yourself?? Uh, you definitely have a problem with boundaries..........


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> I read page one and then skipped to this page and now you're posting pictures of yourself?? Uh, you definitely have a problem with boundaries..........


I would tend to agree with you except that I feel OP seeks validation.
She has been with her husband for so long, she feels ugly. Her husband has mentioned other women are prettier than her.

OP, regain some strength, your husband will slowly decimate the little self esteem you have. You might tell me I am wrong, but a strong woman with a high self esteem will not believe the BS your husband says or does.....

Work on yourself, leave him.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

I saw on TV, that a well placed blow to the head CAN cure amnesia....
just sayin'


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So he was 19 when he cheated? Wait! In his mind he is always 14. Please dump him.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Just saw your photographs.

So, he dumped you for an older woman who looks like Skeletor's grandmother?


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## jarhed (Nov 11, 2012)

LosingHim said:


> So,
> 
> 1) He had an affair
> 2) He hid the affair
> ...


Whoah! Is his name Bill Clinton?


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## Tomas (May 14, 2016)

I married my stbxw when I was 21 , I'm now in the process of starting divorce I have 2 daughters and she just walked out on me and my girls a few months ago. Anyways my stbxw cheated on me with a co worker about 2 years into our marriage, again with a different co worker at a different job a few years later a little bit after my first daughter was born, had an emotional affair with some guy from dubai about a year ago and finally just recently left to be with a co worker from her current new job ,all this in a 10yr marriage. I know I was stupid for forgiving her so many times but I loved her and I still do and part of the reason I stayed was for my girls I didn't want to disappoint them. But these people have no value of what a relationship is and don't know the word commitment. I going through an emotional rollercoaster and my self esteem is lower than ever. They will tell you they love and shed falls tears but guess what they lie. Please end this relationship ,listen to the others .don't believe a word he says if he did it once he'll do it again. Save yourself years of heartbreak I tell you from personal experience. Check out my treads you'll see the emotional chaos I'm going through.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Chloe, sorry you are in this place but your WH is a little prick playing at being married, he is also a liar and cheat. Dump him and get a man who is worthy of you. Get yourself a good lawyer and hit him with divorce papers. He does not deserve you and will never be faithful to you. You can have a good life without him.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

aine said:


> Chloe, sorry you are in this place but your WH is a little prick playing at being married, he is also a liar and cheat. Dump him and get a man who is worthy of you. Get yourself a good lawyer and hit him with divorce papers. He does not deserve you and will never be faithful to you. You can have a good life without him.


He11 you can have a better life with a vibrator and a book for that matter!


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Chloe, they don't cheat on us, because we are fat, or tired... They cheat because then can, and are broken and in some cases like your husband they cheat because they are a morally corrupt and vile person. 

you say you want to weigh the advice? Between SI and TAM, we all say GET OUT.


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