# Should I run a deleted text recovery?



## StillSearching

Me and my wife are getting along better than I thought we would by now. We have 3 kids in their 20s. She is a serial cheater over the last 16 years. 3 different times. She’s really trying hard to fix things with me this time. More than she ever has done before. IC, reading books and giving me full access to her phone.

I’m still tempted to run a text recovery. She doesn’t give me any vibes that she’s cheating now, but i guess it’s just the past running in my head. 

Just need a little guidance from you folks. And I’m afraid old texts from the last affair will trigger me....



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## Lloyd Dobler

StillSearching said:


> Me and my wife are getting along better than I thought we would by now. We have 3 kids in their 20s. She is a serial cheater over the last 16 years. 3 different times. She’s really trying hard to fix things with me this time. More than she ever has done before. IC, reading books and giving me full access to her phone.
> 
> I’m still tempted to run a text recovery. She doesn’t give me any vibes that she’s cheating now, but i guess it’s just the past running in my head.
> 
> Just need a little guidance from you folks. And I’m afraid old texts from the last affair will trigger me....
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I don't see the point in recovering texts now. You know she's cheated at least 3 times - in my book, that's way more than enough to justify ending the marriage. But I'm not you, so if you want to keep going with her then be prepared to learn she's cheated other times or may cheat in the future. You either want to stay married to her or you don't, but I think the ball is in your court here.


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## StillSearching

Lloyd Dobler said:


> I don't see the point in recovering texts now. You know she's cheated at least 3 times - in my book, that's way more than enough to justify ending the marriage. But I'm not you, so if you want to keep going with her then be prepared to learn she's cheated other times or may cheat in the future. You either want to stay married to her or you don't, but I think the ball is in your court here.




The last 2 were with the same guy. I exposed to his wife. I’m sure she not seeing him or anybody at this time.


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## SunCMars

Go to the drugstore.

Buy one of those Digital Temple Thermometers. 

Wait till she is fast asleep. Her eyes in REM mode.

Wait until her toes twitch, then stretch out straight and her fingers go splayed out.

At that moment place the [skin touch only] thermometer on her vulva. 

If the temperature goes over 104 F, she still cannot be trusted.

Yes, run the deleted text app.
Yes, monitor her for life.


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## GusPolinski

I thought you were prepping to divorce ...?


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## ConanHub

Make her worry about checking your deleted texts.

Switch roles and do a reverse judo hold on her.

Learn to use her weapons against her.

You don't have to actually cheat but learn how to push her off her game.

This advice will probably never be used by someone who stayed with a consistently unfaithful woman because the mindset isn't there.

Part of your battle, not all, is restoring equity to your relationship.

Another part is her having a way to actually pay what she owes or redeem herself somewhat.

I don't think snooping would be healthy for you. It might be smart but your equilibrium is off.

You should not be sweating anything.

She should be walking uphill, through a minefield carrying weights while balancing dishes.

Any thoughts?


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## sokillme

It's in her nature. You can't make a lion a pet. You can't make a serial cheater a wife. You will beat your head against this until it kills the life out of you. Aren't you worth more then this. 

Have you ever had a relationship where both of you were on the same side of the project (your life together) where you both work at it? Where when their are problems you actually sit and talk about it? Where when someone is feeling down or needs reassurance or love or sex or whatever, you can say, hey I really feel this way, and the other person is their willing to help you? As a team? 

This is what everyone who is in a relationship deserves. This is what will in all likelihood not be available with a serial cheater. 

Why don't you think you deserve more?

I promise you, it's like chemotherapy. If you choose to be brave and you completely cut her off in a year maybe less you will lose this desperation to be with her. The pain will be awful but every day it will be a little better and eventually subside. You will be able to see her for the horrors she put you though. You can kill your love for her. Then assuming you work on your picker, when you meet a true partner and fall in love all the pain and damage goes away forever. It turns to dust. You won't care because the thing that causes the pain love, is now given to someone else.

A relationship with a true partner is nothing like what you experience now. There is not sinking feeling. No questioning why you are there, what she said and what she really meant. No doubt in her and worse the doubt that you now feel in yourself. Being with the person actually makes you feel proud of yourself. Remarkably she makes you feel stronger. It's SO wonderful. That is what it is meant to be, but as long as you hold on to this broken women you are not going to get that feeling. You are holding on to a dream at the expense of a possible great reality. Please stop. 

It is life changing. Dude 3 times and checking phones again. Give up, accept defeat. She is never going to be able to be faithful. She is emotionally retarded, undeveloped, broken. The real question is why YOU keep doing the same thing over and over too.


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## msggirl69

sokillme said:


> It's in her nature. You can't make a lion a pet. You can't make a serial cheater a wife. You will beat your head against this until it kills the life out of you. Aren't you worth more then this.
> 
> Have you ever had a relationship where both of you were on the same side of the project (your life together) where you both work at it? Where when their are problems you actually sit and talk about it? Where when someone is feeling down or needs reassurance or love or sex or whatever, you can say, hey I really feel this way, and the other person is their willing to help you? As a team?
> 
> This is what everyone who is in a relationship deserves. This is what will in all likelihood not be available with a serial cheater.
> 
> Why don't you think you deserve more?
> 
> I promise you, it's like chemotherapy. If you choose to be brave and you completely cut her off in a year maybe less you will lose this desperation to be with her. The pain will be awful but every day it will be a little better and eventually subside. You will be able to see her for the horrors she put you though. You can kill your love for her. Then assuming you work on your picker, when you meet a true partner and fall in love all the pain and damage goes away forever. It turns to dust. You won't care because the thing that causes the pain love, is now given to someone else.
> 
> A relationship with a true partner is nothing like what you experience now. There is not sinking feeling. No questioning why you are there, what she said and what she really meant. No doubt in her and worse the doubt that you now feel in yourself. Being with the person actually makes you feel proud of yourself. Remarkably she makes you feel stronger. It's SO wonderful. That is what it is meant to be, but as long as you hold on to this broken women you are not going to get that feeling. You are holding on to a dream at the expense of a possible great reality. Please stop.
> 
> It is life changing. Dude 3 times and checking phones again. Give up, accept defeat. She is never going to be able to be faithful. She is emotionally retarded, undeveloped, broken. The real question is why YOU keep doing the same thing over and over too.




How do you run a deleted text application. I need to do this to see if my husband is cheating 


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## SunCMars

ConanHub said:


> Make her worry about checking your deleted texts.
> 
> Switch roles and do a reverse judo hold on her.
> 
> Learn to use her weapons against her.
> 
> You don't have to actually cheat but learn how to push her off her game.
> 
> This advice will probably never be used by someone who stayed with a consistently unfaithful woman because the mindset isn't there.
> 
> Part of your battle, not all, is restoring equity to your relationship.
> 
> Another part is her having a way to actually pay what she owes or redeem herself somewhat.
> 
> I don't think snooping would be healthy for you. It might be smart but your equilibrium is off.
> 
> You should not be sweating anything.
> 
> She should be walking uphill, through a minefield carrying weights *while balancing dishes.
> *
> Any thoughts?


While balancing dishes?
With his warm supper? 

What is this, the 1950's?

Shame on you CH. >


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## Diana7

I dont see how you can trust her after at least 3 betrayals. She has show you she cant be trusted but you have decided to stay, so you will have to live with the uncertainty.


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## StillSearching

ConanHub said:


> Make her worry about checking your deleted texts.
> 
> Switch roles and do a reverse judo hold on her.
> 
> Learn to use her weapons against her.
> 
> You don't have to actually cheat but learn how to push her off her game.
> 
> This advice will probably never be used by someone who stayed with a consistently unfaithful woman because the mindset isn't there.
> 
> Part of your battle, not all, is restoring equity to your relationship.
> 
> Another part is her having a way to actually pay what she owes or redeem herself somewhat.
> 
> I don't think snooping would be healthy for you. It might be smart but your equilibrium is off.
> 
> You should not be sweating anything.
> 
> She should be walking uphill, through a minefield carrying weights while balancing dishes.
> 
> Any thoughts?


This is a good description of what I am currently doing.
I think the reason I brought up getting the deleted text is just the past, from 6 months ago, haunting me.
I guess the whole thing is getting to my head too much.


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## Andy1001

What does it matter whether she is cheating or not. It’s not as if you are going to do anything about it.


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## Steve1000

StillSearching said:


> This is a good description of what I am currently doing.
> I think the reason I brought up getting the deleted text is just the past, from 6 months ago, haunting me.
> I guess the whole thing is getting to my head too much.


Unfortunately, I don't think that it will ever stop getting into your head, even if your wife never cheats again. If you stay in the marriage, part of the price is dealing with these thoughts for the rest of your life.


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## Thor

StillSearching said:


> I think the reason I brought up getting the deleted text is just the past, from 6 months ago, haunting me.
> I guess the whole thing is getting to my head too much.


I don't see any downside to you retrieving texts. But the question is why is it haunting you now? It seems you are having second thoughts about R. Or, do you not believe you have the full truth from her about affairs?

Getting texts may not solve any of those problems. If you do find texts, does it help you move forward in one direction or another?


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## StillSearching

Thor said:


> I don't see any downside to you retrieving texts. But the question is why is it haunting you now? It seems you are having second thoughts about R. Or, do you not believe you have the full truth from her about affairs?
> 
> Getting texts may not solve any of those problems. If you do find texts, does it help you move forward in one direction or another?


I don't believe I have the full truth.
I believe the OM is history though.
OMW has worked closely with me and has him on lock down as I do my WW.


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## dubsey

why waste your time? It's just pain shopping.

If you don't find anything, you'll still not trust.
If you do find something, you'll feel bad, and still do.... nothing.


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## Limerantic

Finding out that she hasn't cheated (with any more men) may not make you happier.

Finding out that she has cheated again will destroy you. It is not worth the risk.

You obviously love her very much (otherwise why would you stay with a cheater?). So if she has cheated again, you will probably still remain with her, but this time more of your soul will have been crushed.

Don't do it.


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## Thor

StillSearching said:


> I don't believe I have the full truth..


Having the full truth, if you have demanded it, is a reasonable need if you are going to R successfully.

Have you talked with OM's W about what the full truth may be?

Have you considered a polygraph for your W?


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## TAMAT

StillSearching,

More data is better data, if she is still lying to you she knows it and the OM knows it, but you do not. They are her special secrets and intimacies she still shares with the OM.

Once you recover the texts send them to OMW it may help her to decide to divorce OM.

I think in your case a polygraph is mandatory for any hope of recovery.

Tamat


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## Lostinthought61

StillSearching said:


> This is a good description of what I am currently doing.
> I think the reason I brought up getting the deleted text is just the past, from 6 months ago, haunting me.
> I guess the whole thing is getting to my head too much.



Conan is absolutely right....your relationship is out of balance....you are like a parent to a child making sure they stay out of trouble, watching them like a hawk, when it should be her doing everything to keep you...stop giving her power, you need to change it around or else you are creating a another self seeking prophesy.....waiting to catch her again and then to what end so you can be right again... how does that solve anything....stop the madness and just divorce, its called cutting your losses.

but if you decide stay, then you need a new set of rules.... start being and feeling independent, you go out without her, sped time without her, you start being secretive then you make her start worrying, you make her step up her came...one fact you need to know, cheaters hate being cheated on, in their mind, there is room for only one cheater in the family and they go crazy when they think they are being cheated on....

question have you ever said to her that your relationship is out of balanced that you have the right to have hall passes....I promise you that is one discussion she would not want to have with you.


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## SunCMars

Diana7 said:


> I dont see how you can trust her after at least 3 betrayals. She has show you she cant be trusted but you have decided to stay, so you will have to live with the uncertainty.


Yes and No.

You can trust her to be hungry. Very hungry for male attention.
That will not change, until her feminine qualities and yearnings turn to stone at age 65 to 105.
No guarantee that will happen.

You will always be uncertain about these "bouts" of hungry weakness.

The best you can hope for is that she will have these wayward desires, not act on them.
Is that good enough?

Here is a plum, a tad sour.

A lot of men and women have these yearnings and desires for romps with others.
They do. 

Not @Diana7, she is an exceptional exception.

But you never know these thoughts because they remain fantasies, not real events.
Neafre spaca, spuken, sayeth.

Yours' be real events.

Maybe, just maybe she has gotten the wonderful Wanderlust out of her cuppebord.
An loocated in er varm furre ofen.


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## StillSearching

Thor said:


> Having the full truth, if you have demanded it, is a reasonable need if you are going to R successfully.
> 
> *Have you talked with OM's W about what the full truth may be?*
> 
> *Have you considered a polygraph for your W?*


Yes we are both looking to no new avail yet. She has stop looking almost and started R.

Yes she is willing to do a Poly.


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## StillSearching

All of you have very good advice. Thank you all. Most of it I really needed to hear.
I've lived in chaos for many years and I'm looking to bring order back. 
I knew that it was a good idea to run it past you.
There's another curve ball thrown into my marriage yesterday that has got me thinking I will step back a day or so til her pathology report comes back.

*update* Tests came back benign. 
I believe I'm going to run the program in a few days. It looks like it take a while to to run and compile the data.


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