# People that relationships don't come easy to



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Someone made a comment in another thread like, "If you want to get married you will, staying single is a choice." That sounds like it is difficult to stay single. My brother is in his late thirties and has never been married, or actually even had a serious relationship, and people always ask him, "how have you managed to stay single?" They act like he surely has a security system on his house to keep out potential dates. 

I happen to know several people who are good looking and successful who don't find relationships so easy, and i wonder what the missing ingredient is. If marriage was a rare thing that only a few lucky people managed to conquer, it would be one thing, but most every Tom, ****, and Harry has somebody regardless of their looks, job, or whatever. How does it come so easy for most people?

I guess that's why affairs have always puzzled me. I wonder how in the heck you get chummy enough with somebody to form a relationship while you are married to someone else when some people who are free as a bird can't find somebody. 

Even with myself, I've been divorced for almost two years, and some people act like I should be burning up the dating scene. I am not looking, but as easy as it is for some make it seem, I should have to be fighting women off with a stick, but i haven't had that issue as of yet.


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## Zab (Jul 25, 2012)

I can say that it's easy to get into a relationship but it's not easy to find a decent and committed person. And I wouldnt say that being single is a choice, in some cases yes- but in most cases, they simply cant find the right person and it's sometimes depressing if you really need to be in a relationship but you just cant find the right one for you.


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## LastUnicorn (Jul 10, 2012)

If you aren't looking then nobody is looking at you? Especially if you only work with married people or are wisely avoiding any potentially uncomfortable situations by asking out single people you work with. Main reason dating clubs seem to be so popular. A better way I think would be to get involved with groups of folks who share common interests and hobbies. Solo cave exploring isn't a good option


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## still.trying (Jul 27, 2012)

I would say, focus on getting healthy. I don't know you, so this is just an assumption but .... people with low self esteem have a hard time meeting others and human being are naturally attracted to good health. It's part of natural selection. If a person it unfit, or smokes or drinks a lot, or doesn't go to the dentist, or has major self confidence issues, or another psychological instability. People can sense that. Again, not stereotyping. Not saying this is true for everyone. Not saying this is you are anyone else. Just a thought.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

still.trying said:


> I would say, focus on getting healthy. I don't know you, so this is just an assumption but .... people with low self esteem have a hard time meeting others and human being are naturally attracted to good health. It's part of natural selection. If a person it unfit, or smokes or drinks a lot, or doesn't go to the dentist, or has major self confidence issues, or another psychological instability. People can sense that. Again, not stereotyping. Not saying this is true for everyone. Not saying this is you are anyone else. Just a thought.


What are some actions that display lack of confidence? What is the difference between showing a lack of confidence and just being laid back or shy?

Personally, it must be different for me. Confidence in a woman is fine if that is them, but it's not something I require. I think the sweet, shy, types are attractive. For example, Ivanka Trump doesn't do a lot for me, but I think Kellie Pickler is adorable. She has this "dumb blonde" persona, which may just be an act, but I think she is absolutely adorable.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I think there are a seven basic reasons that can result in people in their 30s and 40s being single, as I wrote about at Why Am I Still Single at My Age?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm highly introverted. If I didn't go looking for a man I'm not going to find one. It would definately require me putting forth an effort to date. Not because I'm undateable or low self confidence it would be because I don't go out much. KWIM?

That saying wouldn't apply to me.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

SB - It does sound a little insulting when someone says, "Staying single is a choice." It kind of implies that 'you *could* settle if you want to, but you don't, so it's your fault.'

I am one of those people that finds it easy to get into relationships - in fact, I find it difficult staying OUT of them for a length of time. It's just as problematic. It's not all peaches and cream, let me tell you! 

Are you having a difficult time being single now? Or are you content? 

Kathy - I love your articles! I can definitely see a bit of myself and a bit of my husband in it.

My problem is I've always been in relationships. The last time I was single it was only for a year. That was the longest I've ever been single since I was 17.

My husband, on the other hand, had very few relationships that were short-lived and not serious. He spent a number of years on his own before we met and throughout our friendship. I think these experiences really shaped and influenced us to the stubborn people we are now. Having unrealistic expectations is probably high for both of us.

Thank you for posting this link... It's given me much to think about. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

still.trying said:


> I would say, focus on getting healthy. I don't know you, so this is just an assumption but .... people with low self esteem have a hard time meeting others and human being are naturally attracted to good health. It's part of natural selection. If a person it unfit, or smokes or drinks a lot, or doesn't go to the dentist, or has major self confidence issues, or another psychological instability. People can sense that. Again, not stereotyping. Not saying this is true for everyone. Not saying this is you are anyone else. Just a thought.


I find this a bit insulting, but I'm sure you didn't mean it that way. After my divorce, I was single for 10 years. I did have some relationships that lasted over a year, but I couldn't get one to last. I don't think it was because of any of these issues. I'm attractive and have a good job. I take care myself. I enjoy a lot of things and am not a difficult person. 

There are a lot of reasons people are single. And I met tons of people who were single or divorced in their 30s, 40s and 50s. 

I found 2 things to be an issue. One, several of the men I dated, 2 of whom I had year plus long relationships, still were not over their divorces. One stalked his ce, sort of. Both talked of their exes often and would have loved to have been back with them. I think they were on the rebound. 

Also, people talk about nice guys. It's the same with women. You can't be too nice to men. I treated some men I dated very well and several guys remarked how nice I was. And they usually dumped me for the not so nice woman who treated them like crap!

I met men playing sports and going on singles trips. What I loved about singles trips was everyone was single or divorced and nobody thought we had leprosy like so many married people acted. 

To tell the truth, though, I got tired of trying to date. I tried online websites etc and it became tiresome. After years of trying, I gave up. And you know what? It was the best time for me. I started embracing being single and I loved it. 

I'm married now, but there's nothing wrong with being single. I enjoyed being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted, and I made a decent living so money wasn't an issue. 

I feel being single is just fine and doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. In this society, you.don't have to be married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

southbound said:


> What are some actions that display lack of confidence?


Being a nice person shows a lack of confidence. If you want to attract a mate, you need to show the world that you are the most important person in the world. Imagine shopping at a grocery store. Instead of keeping your cart along the side so people can get around you, put your car in the middle of the aisle, blocking traffic in both directions, and walk away to get something from another aisle. That's dominance right there. Another example: use the express line at Walmart even though you have a shopping cart filled with stuff. Get some HID lights for your truck and align them incorrectly so they shine into the eyes of people driving in the opposite direction. Get a ridiculous orange tan and pretend you are italian. Tell every woman you meet that they are the most important thing in your life, then don't call them for at least 4 days afterward.

Just do a google search for hot chicks with DBs and have a look at the pictures. That's what you're going for.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I don't know about all that. Being rude and inconsiderate are traits of dominance? :scratchhead:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

YinPrincess said:


> I don't know about all that. Being rude and inconsiderate are traits of dominance? :scratchhead:
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In the animal kingdom yes. Also, the correct response in the animal kingdom is for a bigger and stronger male to beat the hell out of you for doing that. Maybe we need animal kingdom rules and Concealed Carry permits in Walmart. Block the aisle = deserve to be shot.

The most lame and true advice is to just be yourself. Force yourself to go out and do social things, but be yourself. Don't pretend to care about starving children in Africa or destruction of the rain forest just because you think women will like to hear that. Being single for a long time means you're probably boring, you pay bills on time, and you've never once thought about killing yourself to avoid this massive web of debt that you can't escape. Most people, men and women, will be disgusted by how responsible you are, but don't let them get to you. Changing who you are will not make you happier; all that does is make your life one huge lie.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Bigger/Stronger/Assertive I understand. Leaving your shopping cart in the middle of the isle and leaving is just being lame. Am I taking this too literally? I'd just push the cart out of my way and probably mutter "[email protected]" under my breath... LoL! I can't speak for all women, but I like a gentleman with manners... LoL! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Thank you, Yin and Geek Down. Your kind words and votes of confidence are nice gifts today.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

YinPrincess said:


> I am one of those people that finds it easy to get into relationships - in fact, I find it difficult staying OUT of them for a length of time. It's just as problematic. It's not all peaches and cream, let me tell you!
> 
> Are you having a difficult time being single now? Or are you content?
> 
> ...


If you get into relationships easily, give me some ideas from that perspective. Do you know why it was easy for you? Do people find you very attractive and have a great, approachable personality? What is the difference between you and people you know who have difficulty? I've always been amazed by people who it seems easy for.

I'm doing fine being single. I'm an introvert i suppose, so being alone doesn't depress me. I can take care of myself; I'm not a guy who can't cook or turn the washing machine on. Having a relationship would be great if we could just be adults and things ran smoothly. On the other hand, if I started to feel like I was having to jump through hoops, I'm not ready for that. I'm enjoying being able to do what I want to do; I don't want a relationship that seems like a job. 

I'm glad you liked this post. I enjoy your comments.




ShawnD said:


> Being a nice person shows a lack of confidence. If you want to attract a mate, you need to show the world that you are the most important person in the world. Imagine shopping at a grocery store. Instead of keeping your cart along the side so people can get around you, put your car in the middle of the aisle, blocking traffic in both directions, and walk away to get something from another aisle. That's dominance right there. Another example: use the express line at Walmart even though you have a shopping cart filled with stuff. Get some HID lights for your truck and align them incorrectly so they shine into the eyes of people driving in the opposite direction. Get a ridiculous orange tan and pretend you are italian. Tell every woman you meet that they are the most important thing in your life, then don't call them for at least 4 days afterward.
> 
> Just do a google search for hot chicks with DBs and have a look at the pictures. That's what you're going for.


I appreciate your reply, and you may be right on the money for some people, but people who act like that are usually what I call "arrogant jerks." I couldn't change that much and amke it seem real; it's just not me. I'm not so nice that I have sugar in my veins, but I guess I am more of a gentleman. The kind of women that would attract probably wouldn't be my type anyway.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

southbound said:


> If you get into relationships easily, give me some ideas from that perspective. Do you know why it was easy for you?


Well, I'm pretty friendly and can find something to like about anyone. I try not to judge others - where they have been, etc. (I'm human, though, it does happen, lol). I think I'm average looking, not a particularly flashy person... Just "bubbly" (been called this waaaay too many times) 

In the male realm it is said that the nice guy finishes last and he should be more of a jerk to woman, yada yada yada. What works is having your own life, hobbies, not being constantly available and, of course, self-respect. This means you do not take bullsugar from anyone and you open your mouth and SPEAK instead of letting things slide. Don't play games, be honest be forthright... And if someone doesn't like you... So what? These are all the attitudes I've noticed attract me and lead others to be attracted to me. 

As far as differences... I can give my husband as an example of the "boring, responsible guy" mentioned earlier. He's the kind of guy would love a girl for years and never speak a word of it. (Happened with me)! he also spent many, many years alone. He both isolated himself and felt alienated by others. A 100% introvert. I'm the only person who has really gotten to know who he is - good and bad. His technique was to be comfortable with himself, even though he is awkward with others. He doesn't care what others think of him. He is who he is. Other guys are bound to see him as a "dork" and a "geek" as he is highly cerebral. This was important to me. When we first started dating he was polite, understanding, able to relate to me on many levels, he had manners (for the most part - there are things you just don't learn until you live with someone). He is neither the "meathead" nor the "sensitive girly-man". He just is.

I don't like the advice that you should change yourself to attract other people. Sooner or later, they will see through the game. They will see you as you are, and perhaps they won't like it. Why waste anyone's time? I say be who you are, and for goodness sake's - don't do anything while dating that you don't plan to do for the long term. Too many people put their best foot forward, and then experience problems when that behavior starts slacking off. 

Consider I have my own relationship issues and take my words as you see fit. I know others will disagree and I am only one person. I wish you the best of luck!!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

YinPrincess said:


> I don't like the advice that you should change yourself to attract other people. Sooner or later, they will see through the game. They will see you as you are, and perhaps they won't like it. Why waste anyone's time? I say be who you are, and for goodness sake's - don't do anything while dating that you don't plan to do for the long term. Too many people put their best foot forward, and then experience problems when that behavior starts slacking off.
> I wish you the best of luck!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You may have hit on something here. I think i am who I am all the time, and so is my brother. We don't have a show we put on in the beginning of a relationship like a lot of guys, we are just who we are all the time. So, some women just may not be attracted to our normal personality, or they may be expecting something different in the beginning. I guess that's better than pretending and then it not being so good when it wears off. 

I guess what surfaces when some people's show wears off is not too attractive. A married woman once told my brother that he would be every woman's dream after a few months or years of marriage, but that maybe he just didn't have the flash they were looking for in the beginning. I didn't give it much thought then, but that seems to make more sense now.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

If a woman doesn't choose you - don't choose her. Find one that chooses you as you are and you are bound to be more successful. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

southbound said:


> You may have hit on something here. I think i am who I am all the time, and so is my brother. We don't have a show we put on in the beginning of a relationship like a lot of guys, we are just who we are all the time. So, some women just may not be attracted to our normal personality, or they may be expecting something different in the beginning. I guess that's better than pretending and then it not being so good when it wears off.
> 
> I guess what surfaces when some people's show wears off is not too attractive. A married woman once told my brother that he would be every woman's dream after a few months or years of marriage, but that maybe he just didn't have the flash they were looking for in the beginning. I didn't give it much thought then, but that seems to make more sense now.


So if you are who you are all the time, then it means that you don't every feel excited about someone else? If you meet an attractive woman who is appealing to you, do you look lukewarm to her? Do you refuse to show that she is special? Or do you really just feel nobody is special?

People like people who show interest in them. If you appear lukewarm even when you're not, it won't appeal to women. This is not suggesting that you change who you are, but changing what you do can help.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Most people who are in relationships will soon be out of them, and on to another.

Lots of people find it easy to get into a relationship (one that will turn out not to be what they want; remember that MOST relationships fail and do not end up as something permanent). They find it easy be/c they simply want to be in a relationship vs. being alone. That means they overlook a lot of stuff just for the sake of being in the relationship. Then the stuff they overlooked comes back to bite them in the ass, they break up, and the move on to the next relationship w/the same agenda--anyone is better than no one.

Truly desperate people end up marrying one of the ones they have ignored stuff about, and then end up in unhappy marriages. 

Most people prefer being coupled, even unhappily, to being alone. If you are ok with being alone, you are less likely to be in a relationship and more likely to end up alone--b/c you are ok with it, and it takes a long time to find the kind of person who makes you willing to give up being alone. 

I'm not saying one way is necessarily better than the other, however. There can be a lot of fun and happiness in the times you are enjoying a new person while ignoring all the stuff that will later prove to be deal-breakers. The cycle of relationships has something to offer (as long as you do not commit yourself to having kids or whatever with someone who is really not going to be long term material). 

Being alone means. . . being alone. If you are good at building up your social network, being alone doees NOT mean being lonely. And you can choose to be alone or to make plans with family or friends. But not everyone can be alone and happy, so then "alone" is lonely. 

I love being single right now. I miss a few things about not being coupled, but not enough to accept someone in my life regardless of the vibes I'm getting. I'm never lonely, I have to say. Between my kids, job, and friends, I feel like I'm too busy and need to be alone MORE. But it's ok, not enough to drive me wacky. 

Do not take the difficulty of finding someone to be somehow an inherent fault in yourself. Figure out if you are just ok with being alone and that makes you sensitive to the problems others will introduce into your life. Maybe that's what is really going on.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

^^ I think to some extent that it is true that lots of people prefer being coupled to being alone. I think the statement you made, however, saying one may "overlook" things just for the sake of the relationship may also have something to do with (my opinion) the nature to be on one's best behavior initially. If they aren't acting out, there isn't much to be wary of until later when the "real" person emerges. 

Kathy made some good points about being "excited" as well. Of course we all like someone who is excited to see us! I just don't think you should change who you are or the things you do, unless those changes are brought on by a real desire to improve - not a temporary desire to woo someone you're interested in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

PinkBeret said:


> Lol, maybe it'll work on teenage girls hehe?


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I wonder if ShawnD will come back to clarify? I think his intent is solid, but perhaps the technique needs some work. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

southbound said:


> You may have hit on something here. I think i am who I am all the time, and so is my brother. We don't have a show we put on in the beginning of a relationship like a lot of guys, we are just who we are all the time. So, some women just may not be attracted to our normal personality, or they may be expecting something different in the beginning. I guess that's better than pretending and then it not being so good when it wears off.
> 
> I guess what surfaces when some people's show wears off is not too attractive. A married woman once told my brother that he would be every woman's dream after a few months or years of marriage, but that maybe he just didn't have the flash they were looking for in the beginning. I didn't give it much thought then, but that seems to make more sense now.


I am me...I can't be anyone BUT me..Oh, I've tried..I tried to pretend I was not who I was to get people to like me..I don't do that now..If you like great...lets get a beer...If not, then whatever.. I'm not going to change to make someone like me..

I've heard the same thing; that I'd make a wonderful husband, partner, father...etc...But I don't get alot of looks or attention from women..I was always overlooked for the more vocal outspoken jock type character..the ones that peak in high school..I've always been shy and reserved..

When I see a woman I like and want to see if there is some attraction, usually it ends up badly for me..Either the 'not interested' or 'whatever'...I kinda stopped looking. 

I'm not flashy or flamboyant...not personable I guess..If I was a pea****, I'd have no tail..Nothing to attract the opposite sex...

I really thought that my only shot at companionship was my STBXW...that no woman would actually want a geek like me..I'm not all muscles, and tan or fit..I'm not an overacheiver..I actually thought I was butt ugly..I'm just a regular guy that is usually passed over for jerks..

I have no idea how to approach a woman..NONE..zero..I usually eff it up in the first 5 seconds..over thinking too much...or coming on WAY too strong..saying the wrong thing..I became too careful...too safe..I ran into my cave and rolled the rock over the entrance so to speak..

When I do get that connection and things start off, I can't help myself but to be inquisitive and helpful..kind...hold the door open kinda thing..Its who I am...but I'm intense....and that intensity scares off alot of potential dates..

....Recently, I've come to the realization, that she was NOT my only or best shot at companionship...Been getting funny looks from some women at work lately...

When I'm in a relationship, I'm in fully..110%..its no longer about me..its about US..no half in sh!t...I'm going for broke..cause thats what you need to do...you need to put everything you have into it....EVERYTHING...if you don't, then why are you in a relationship? Its no longer you or me..its US...and together anything is possible..


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

vivyansman said:


> Women are waiting for guys like YOU to initiate.


Not the kind of woman I am looking for...I liked it when girls would come on to me..Only happened a few times, and of course I F'ed it up everytime..I've been the one doing the chasing for so long, I don't want to do it anymore..or right now...I'd rather be alone then with someone who doesn't get me..

Guys like me?? What do you mean by that?



vivyansman said:


> P.p.s. Getting the relationship started should be the easy part because statistically, the more you try, the more chances you'll have at achieving desirable results. The difficult part is maintaining the relationship and making it work by sacrificing, listening, compromising, accepting, providing for, protecting, being loyal, supporting, forgiving and loving the same person, day in and day out, who may let you down time and time again.


I see it as opposite..Maintaining and protecting..loyal and supporting..forgiving comes easy to me..once I'm in a relationship i'm in 100% I give it all I have...gave my STBXW more chances than is in the book!...forgave her for so much...

Its the starting that I can't do...


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

dont know. when i was younger i went from girl to girl to girl. Never really stayed in a relationship but never really had much time out of one either. I never really needed a relationship i dont think i was actually pretty comfortable on my own.
i think i just got bored and enjoyed a females company of course being a guy. And i was the type it wouldnt really phase me to walk up to a girl and ask for their phone number. 
I had one i remember say she "only wanted to be my friend" so i said "that is great because i have sex with my women friends". and ended up with a phone number.
So i did well in that sense.
But none of them i considered worthy of anything serious. But they would come over and start slowly moving things in when they spent the night it seemed. And start picking up the house for me. Offering to do things. Strange things. Like a relationship i didnt even want developed on its own. Then expectations would start to become apparent and i would kind of look around shocked and wondering what happened and where these new expectations came from and who this girl was and where she came from. 
At which point i would either start treating them like crap and being a total ****head (which oddly enough didnt often work) hoping they would leave and give me some distance or just totally start ignoring them.
Then another girl would come into the picture and it would start over.
The "save me" thing got me a couple times. Girls that had this "im helpless and need help" mentality kind of made me pause and put more effort into a relationship i didnt even want just because of that persona they had. But it ended in resentment on my part and it usually ended pretty badly as i didnt even want to set my eyes on them after a short period.
so i guess relationships i didnt want came easily to me.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

bribrius said:


> dont know. when i was younger i went from girl to girl to girl. Never really stayed in a relationship but never really had much time out of one either. I never really needed a relationship i dont think i was actually pretty comfortable on my own.
> i think i just got bored and enjoyed a females company of course being a guy. And i was the type it wouldnt really phase me to walk up to a girl and ask for their phone number.
> I had one i remember say she "only wanted to be my friend" so i said "that is great because i have sex with my women friends". and ended up with a phone number.
> So i did well in that sense.
> ...


I love it when people get honest about things. :smthumbup:


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

KathyBatesel said:


> So if you are who you are all the time, then it means that you don't every feel excited about someone else? If you meet an attractive woman who is appealing to you, do you look lukewarm to her? Do you refuse to show that she is special? Or do you really just feel nobody is special?
> 
> People like people who show interest in them. If you appear lukewarm even when you're not, it won't appeal to women. This is not suggesting that you change who you are, but changing what you do can help.


You make good points. I think we all have different aspects of our personality. I'm sure I would be more polished if I were interviewing for a job than I would talking to a buddy while sitting on the sofa. Likewise, I'm certain that i act differently around a woman i am interested in than i would talking to the mailman, but it's still me; It's just what kicks in naturally for me, I don't have an "act" that I put on for women. 



sisters359 said:


> Most people who are in relationships will soon be out of them, and on to another.
> 
> Lots of people find it easy to get into a relationship (one that will turn out not to be what they want; remember that MOST relationships fail and do not end up as something permanent). They find it easy be/c they simply want to be in a relationship vs. being alone. That means they overlook a lot of stuff just for the sake of being in the relationship. Then the stuff they overlooked comes back to bite them in the ass, they break up, and the move on to the next relationship w/the same agenda--anyone is better than no one.
> 
> ...



This makes sense. Personally, I do not desire a relationship just to save being alone, and i don't feel desperate. I'm doing fine being single. I guess I've always been like that. I like women as well as the next guy, but I never felt less of a man or like there was a huge void just because I wasn't with someone, so, I guess i never went searching like a lot o people do. Any woman that I ever dated was someone I met in my normal walk of life. 

I may be sensitive to problems a relationship might cause. Being single is drama free and I can do what i want when i want. Having a woman in my life would be great, but as i said before, if it turned into a job, I don't think i would care for it.



YinPrincess said:


> ^^ I think to some extent that it is true that lots of people prefer being coupled to being alone. I think the statement you made, however, saying one may "overlook" things just for the sake of the relationship may also have something to do with (my opinion) the nature to be on one's best behavior initially. If they aren't acting out, there isn't much to be wary of until later when the "real" person emerges.
> 
> Kathy made some good points about being "excited" as well. Of course we all like someone who is excited to see us! I just don't think you should change who you are or the things you do, unless those changes are brought on by a real desire to improve - not a temporary desire to woo someone you're interested in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well said!




vivyansman said:


> Put it this way, the same way you are wondering why it's difficult to start a new relationship, there are literally thousands of women within your vicinity wondering why guys aren't approaching them. They're getting their nails done, buying new clothes and putting on make up hoping for someone to ask them out!


That may be different here. I live in a small town; the pop is only 1600. Women without rings on their fingers is rare.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

southbound said:


> You make good points. I think we all have different aspects of our personality. I'm sure I would be more polished if I were interviewing for a job than I would talking to a buddy while sitting on the sofa. Likewise, I'm certain that i act differently around a woman i am interested in than i would talking to the mailman, but it's still me; It's just what kicks in naturally for me, I don't have an "act" that I put on for women.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

vivyansman said:


> You just answered your own question. You and your friends aren't getting anyone because no prospects exist. Perhaps it's time to migrate. I live in New York City and there are women everywhere so finding my wife was more of a selection process rather than a situation where I wondered why I couldn't find one girl to date.


I'm sure having single women at every turn would make a difference. It does seem like more of a chore here just to find or know of a woman that is single.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

you should have a large selection to choose from. Otherwise you will settle.
dont settle. If you really want a wife be picky, like your interviewing people for a job because that is pretty much what you are doing.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

vivyansman said:


> I can imagine how difficult that must be; it's like you're a hunter in a land with no game.
> 
> Maybe the question should be: "Where do single women in small towns hang out?" The bar? Church? The mall? Maybe contact a local divorce lawyer to find the scoop on who's newly available, j/k.
> 
> Online dating might help you to find singles in your area but personally, I would migrate if I were in your situation.


We don't have any places that singles intentionally hang out. I appreciate the suggestion, but I'm not interested in changing locations just to look for a relationship. I have no other reason to move, so finding dates would be the only reason. If I found somebody after a move, I might be happy with that, but unhappy that I had totally changed my other life. Besides. my kids live here.


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