# Please help



## Elisenowlin (Apr 14, 2013)

To make a long story short, I've been married for only a year in July. My husband has 2 kids from a previous and I have 2 kids from a previous relationship. We don't have any kids together. Before we got married, our relationship was... Well, very unhealthy. We love eachother but both have issues from past that should have been taken care of first. He has been unfaithful in the past and I had trust issues with him. When I found out about this I wanted to make him hurt as much as I did & knowing how much money means to him even though he makes VERY good money and never spends it I decided to withdrawal $2000 from the bank acct. yes, I realize now that's immature & I should have never done that. He doesn't trust me with money which I understand and I'm fine with. On the other hand, I don't work because daycare for MY son would take my whole check, especially now that we're , married & any help for child care I try to receive, they base it off of his income which is way above the limit of needing financial help. I have asked him a ton of times if we could put my son in preschool (having behavioral issues and needs socializing) 2 days a week but, he will only do a cheap in home "preschool". I personally feel I can teach my son other ways than going to that but, I would work if that was the case even though there are other kids here but in school all day. His kids wouldn't need after school child care cause they have moms that are able to pick up if I wasn't able to do it. I would have to also pay for my daughter to go to daycare after school inch I would be worming as a medical assistant. I have been put on an allowance every week of $70-100. That is for gas, cigarettes, I know disgusting & anything else I may need. For example milk or whatever. I drive a car that is leaking from the sunroof so, me & all the kids are leaked on when braking or turning, he drives a nice car, he goes out to eat all the time with "clients" and I scrounge up food that sounds halfway good cause he doesn't wanna spend money on "unnecessary" food items, basically the ones the kids like and I like. He says he will stay on top of putting money in my acct he opened for me but hasn't and I find myself scrounging for change in my purse if we need milk or an energy drink or anything else until he gives me more money for the week. I guess what I'm asking is, is it unfair of me to expect him to support me & my children when they aren't his? I treat his kids as my own. Whatever I do for mine, I do for his. His son is in a bunch of sports and I have to beg my mom for money to pay for her gymnastics which she LOVES, I feel things are very unfair and I am not sure if I'm supposed to look at this as its a normal family with the same mom same dad . He was aware of my situation when we got married. He tells me to get a job all the time but, I'm not gonna work to pay for. Y son to be raised by some other housewife that runs an income daycare to make money... I would rather spend the last 2 years of my sons toddler years before kindergarten . I hope all of this makes sense and I'm sure I left out multiple things. I'm trying not to talk about all of the other issues because I just want to know if me being jealous and upset his kids get more is fair? I REALLY NEED OPINIONS,, lol just please be nice... 


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## Betski (Apr 10, 2013)

I would never date or marry someone who didn't treat my child as equal. You have taken his under your wing because that's what u do as a step parent. I don't know your history but if he has the means.. he should want to provide you with the best. I was always raised with "you give your loved ones your best" even if that means him going without his luncheons! He should be giving his wife, kids, step kids his best. The allowence thing bothers me because I'm also a spender. Obviously I dont know if u have chosen to go to Macy's instead of the grocery store. But still.. that's not enough money considering your family size! But to answer your question.. its not fair that u feel he doesn't treat your children equally to his. It could cause serious problems between u. It can lead to Resentment which is the worst thing to exist in a marriage because it leads to so many other things!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Goodness, your husband is a jerk alright. 

I was previously married prior to my husband and I brought a child(6 yrs old) into our marriage. My husband immediately accepted my daughter as his own when we married. He has raised her as his own and we have 2 children together. All 3 children are treated equally.

Your husband has no respect for you or your children. My husband gave me the nicest of the two vehicles to drive. I also do not have a limit on my spending and I have not worked in over 11 years. All of our children were/are active in extra activities including sports(our schools mainly offer traveling sports). 

My ex h cheated prior to our wedding. His cheating never stopped. His behavior towards me was extremely poor and it never got any better. I tried working it out and sought counseling, but that was a waste of effort. I ended up leaving not too long after we were married. He did not respect me in any way and was very cruel to me. It's been 19 years since we divorced and his behavior has worsened. He continues to cheat on his current wife and treat her poorly.

You can't change someone into being a better person. Your husband has not changed and will never have respect for you or your children. He has shown you this over and over. It's really sad that he won't even provide you and your children with decent food. His actions are selfish and sickening.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I don't think you have the luxury of not working. I know you want to be there for your kids and enjoy these very special years it's very very hard to bring a kid to daycare, but you are way too financially dependent on this selfish man. I can't tell one thing from your post that is good about him. You say that anything you earn you'd have to pay out in child care expenses. I've had lots of friends say that, " oh - it's just not worth it," but when I did the math, they _would _ be coming away with money but they were just making excuses because they really didn't want to work. 

You definitely need to make your own money. Work a few days a week at first. Work at night when your husband gets home. And you have to think about ditching this guy. He doesn't care about you or your kids. What a selfish guy. he should want the best for you and be happy that he can provide for you. Either you're a team or you're not, and since you're not, it's not a marriage that your in.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Were you working before you married him? Are you getting child support for the kids?
Did you and your husband decided that you wound not work prior to getting married?

I agree with Isgirl that at this point you need to get a job, it's tough but by not working you are at his mercy which he clearly enjoys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Echo what others have said - sounds like you married before coming to at least a starting understanding on some basic issues concerning money and children. 
And if all the issues you mention aren't enough you allude to other problems in the relationship. 
If I were you I'd get a job to have a safety net for and your own offspring if and when this marriage gets even worse.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

He sounds selfish to me....
Time for the " Fire & brimstone / come to Jesus " talk.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Could you Please put in breaks? My eyes hurt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Elisenowlin (Apr 14, 2013)

Thank you all for your opinions!

as far as before we got married, I was going to school full-time and receiving student loans and grants because of my income level. We didnt talk about me working it was always okay with him because I was planning on being in school and he was aware of that. He begged me to marry him when I did. I kept saying no, knowing we weren't ready. I loved him. 

I haven't signed up for school because I am not eligible for financial aid anymore due to his income, another thing I should have thought about... 

I feel stuck. I always wanted to do something with my life and earn my own money and to be successful. I feel now My marriage is holding me back and I know that's not how it's supposed to be! I don't know how to change it or fix it. I don't want to look back and realize I needed to do something differently? 

As far as a night job, I'm a medical assistant so, finding a night job is near impossible. He doesn't want me working as a waitress or bartender. What else is there? I'm not working at fast food and wasting my time when I could make more money doing something else just for him to feel secure...


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