# Not sure what to do



## pineapple0805 (May 7, 2018)

My husband has stomach issues quite often, and they are starting to become more frequent. This is getting to a point where it's starting to affect our quality of life. He works Saturday so our only day together is Sunday, and about 95% of the time he is sick, it falls on the weekend and he spends all day Sunday lying on the couch. Any conversations or anything we try to do on Sunday become pointless because the focus is always on how sick he feels. We basically no longer have an intimate relationship because of this. On vacation we usually lose at least one full day and one night due to him not feeling good. 

During the week he works like crazy, 12-14 hour days, and is on his phone most of the time when he is not working. He doesn't exercise and he eats out almost every day for lunch. I make healthy lunches and he forgets them most days so he ends up at whatever fast food place is close to work. There are some places that have made him sick before but he continues to eat at them. He clearly has allergies of some kind, he sneezes non-stop at a good 50% of restaurants, but he refuses to take any allergy medication or see a specialist about this. I keep trying to get him to go to the doctor but he won't go, he just keeps saying that he has had a sensitive stomach his whole life.

I know that our weeks are a problem, he works too much and we don't spend any quality time together, and we need to work on that, but that's a whole other issue. The main issue is his health and how it's starting to affect us. I used to feel sympathetic but lately I'm just feeling drained and frustrated by it. We end up fighting because he can tell that I'm frustrated and he wants me to be more sympathetic and take care of him, but I'm just so tired of this always being when we have time together, he has never gotten sick during the week when he has to work, or on as Sunday when he has plans to golf, it's only when we are together. He swears he's not faking anything, and I do believe that, but in a way it's almost worse because I'm starting to wonder if it's being caused by just the thought of us spending time together.

I'm at my wits end right now! This weekend the weather was beautiful and we had things planned for yesterday but we ended up not being able to do any of it because he was sick. I feel selfish because I don't want him to feel bad, and no one enjoys being sick. But I just don't know what to do, I wish he would at least see a doctor to show to me that he wants to not experience this.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

pineapple0805 said:


> My husband has stomach issues quite often, and they are starting to become more frequent. This is getting to a point where it's starting to affect our quality of life. He works Saturday so our only day together is Sunday, and about 95% of the time he is sick, it falls on the weekend and he spends all day Sunday lying on the couch. Any conversations or anything we try to do on Sunday become pointless because the focus is always on how sick he feels. We basically no longer have an intimate relationship because of this. On vacation we usually lose at least one full day and one night due to him not feeling good.
> 
> During the week he works like crazy, 12-14 hour days, and is on his phone most of the time when he is not working. He doesn't exercise and he eats out almost every day for lunch. I make healthy lunches and he forgets them most days so he ends up at whatever fast food place is close to work. There are some places that have made him sick before but he continues to eat at them. He clearly has allergies of some kind, he sneezes non-stop at a good 50% of restaurants, but he refuses to take any allergy medication or see a specialist about this. I keep trying to get him to go to the doctor but he won't go, he just keeps saying that he has had a sensitive stomach his whole life.
> 
> ...


Your husband is slowly killing him self and he expects you to stand by and watch.His eating habits are disgraceful,junk food every day and then he wonders why he has stomach issues.
He needs to get a full medical checkup including bloods,I would think his cholesterol/triglyceride levels are through the roof and also his blood pressure.He is a likely candidate for a stroke and/or a heart attack and you need to ask yourself do you want to spend years of your life nursing him.
Stop enabling him,if he can’t or won’t join you on days out then go alone.Also if his problems are causing you to lose sleep then sleep in another room.


----------



## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, he said:

“Man.
Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;
the result being that he does not live in the present or the future;
he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Adding to Andy's post. He probably has ulcers or that bacteria that's irritates the stomach. H-pilori. Also, he has food sensitivities . 

I have food sensitivities and my doc told me if i keep eating things that irritate my stomach and intestines will begin to leak. So he better be careful.

All i can say is make plans and go by yourself. Dont stay by his side and baby him. 

And you might have to drag his lazy butt to a GI doctor to get an endoscopy.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

pineapple0805 said:


> My husband has stomach issues quite often, and they are starting to become more frequent. This is getting to a point where it's starting to affect our quality of life. He works Saturday so our only day together is Sunday, and about 95% of the time he is sick, it falls on the weekend and he spends all day Sunday lying on the couch. Any conversations or anything we try to do on Sunday become pointless because the focus is always on how sick he feels. We basically no longer have an intimate relationship because of this. On vacation we usually lose at least one full day and one night due to him not feeling good.
> 
> During the week he works like crazy, 12-14 hour days, and is on his phone most of the time when he is not working. He doesn't exercise and he eats out almost every day for lunch. I make healthy lunches and he forgets them most days so he ends up at whatever fast food place is close to work. There are some places that have made him sick before but he continues to eat at them. He clearly has allergies of some kind, he sneezes non-stop at a good 50% of restaurants, but he refuses to take any allergy medication or see a specialist about this. I keep trying to get him to go to the doctor but he won't go, he just keeps saying that he has had a sensitive stomach his whole life.
> 
> ...


Here is the deal, if he does not want to help himself, and he will not let you make a DR's appt. for him and GO WITH HIM...

Then you have two choices 1) watch him die or 2) divorce him. 

What he is doing is not right. Not right for him and it is not right for you. 

Sit him down and tell him "Look, you are going to get healthy and go to the doc, or I file for divorce! Which one will it be?" 

That may wake him up. But be ready to follow through if he does not get it together...


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

There is nothing you can do to control another person, except by force or manipulation. He is making his own decisions and is in denial about the repercussions. The only way he is going to come out of that is if being sick is worse than doing something about it.

What you could do to help him and yourself is to set him up with what he needs for the day when he is sick, then leave. Go do whatever you want to do that is fun. It won't be as fun without him, but it will be more fun than tending to a sick man rather than doing nothing.

His illness is one him. You cannot change him or fix him. Only he can do that.


----------



## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

First of all, no one is talking an the fact that he ONLY gets “sick”’ on the day he’s with you. What????

Something is wrong here!

He never gets sick during the week?
Hmmmmm!! 

I’d be MUCH more suspicious of that detail, than what he eats. 

And FYI, not everyone gets sick or negatively affected by eating out. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## salparadise (Sep 13, 2016)

pineapple0805 said:


> ...he has never gotten sick during the week when he has to work, or on as Sunday when he has plans to golf, it's only when we are together. He swears he's not faking anything, and I do believe that, but in a way it's almost worse because I'm starting to wonder if it's being caused by just the thought of us spending time together.


Are you saying he literally never gets sick other than on Sundays, and never if he has plans to play golf? And never misses work due to being sick? If that's true, it's a clue you can't just dismiss.

I know of a woman who has a mysterious illness that can't be diagnosed after 20 years and who knows how many doctors and tests over that time. She is semi-reclusive and never leaves the house except for trips to doctors (loves going to the doc) or her masseuse (and one other reason that I won't go into). So they're the opposite with regard to seeking medical attention, but the illness serves the same purpose... it's an excuse that gets her out of doing anything she doesn't want to do. She uses it to elicit pity, attention and to affirm her specialness and delicacy beyond what anyone might imagine. She works a responsible job (PhD), but does so from home via internet and phone. She takes her work seriously and the illness NEVER interferes with work. 

Purely psychosomatic. The docs all know it, her husband knows it, the psychologists know it, and everyone who knows her knows it... but to her it's absolutely real. No amount of evidence (of which there is plenty) can convince her otherwise. She has adopted this as an integral part of her identity and relies on it psychologically as an excuse and coping mechanism. Anyone who doesn't buy-in gets cut out, and any objective evidence is discredited and dismissed. She's highly intelligent and rational in every other way, but when it comes to this "problem" of hers, all bets are off.

Rationally and objectively, one would expect that if a person is sick that it would interfere with all aspects of their life, but when symptoms appear selectively and consistently only in certain contexts, for the benefit of certain people, or to avoid certain stressors... something's up. 

Somatic Symptom Disorder


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Would he be sick if Heidi Klume or Anna Kendrick wanted to hook up?


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

If he won't go to the doctor there isn't much you can do.

My wife had stomach issues...went to all the GI's. They all did nothing but give her steroids and said "You have to live with it"

Unfortunately we believed them for about 8 years.....she slowly got worse.

Then we decided one more try and found a functional medicine doctor .... it changed our world.

BrooklynAnn said "leaking gut".....this is the condition my wife had. It's not what the description sounds like but close enough on a very small molecule level.

There are two things that I can think of right off the bat: Gluten intolerance and the leaky gut thing. He will need a prescription for Interagam for the leaky gut and the results
are quite fast...but get your wallet ready...hope you have good insurance.

My wife is a different person today....she looks 5 years younger, dark spots under eyes now gone, muscle mass replaced flab, stomach doesn't hurt all the time, abdomen inflammation gone.

Keep hounding him to go to the doctor.....in the end you will both be glad he did.

But then again.....you can't help those who won't help them self.


----------



## pineapple0805 (May 7, 2018)

Thanks everyone for the replies. I ended up booking him a doctors appointment and told him he has no choice and I'm going with him. I also said that starting immediately he is going to start exercising with me and eating better. I can't stop him from eating ****ty food during the work day, but I can totally cut out anything bad at home... and if he keeps on eating badly during the day then the fun home food/drinks are going to go, including the ones that are decent. He agreed that he needs to make a change so hopefully we get somewhere! 

As for the Sunday thing, the sickness alwaysv starts on Saturday and I think it’s down to two things: Friday and Saturday are the worst days for where he eats, and I think the stress of his job gets to him. He’s in an upper management 300k+/year position with insane demands. Once we get his health under control I want to start working on the job stress and seeing what we can do about that. Or get a lesser demanding job. But that’s a whole other issue!


----------

