# Is it better to give or receive?



## bilbag (Aug 3, 2016)

The gift is oral sex. The underlying assumption here is that one can only choose one. She enjoys receiving oral sex and I am not really just giving but also receiving pleasure. I am not complaining about the fact that she doesn't give oral. I can go through life without it and perfectly happy to only give.
I'm sure some women don't like giving oral, right? So, part b of this thread is how do you encourage your wife to enjoy giving oral? And for the women, do you enjoy or not enjoy giving oral sex?
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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

bilbag said:


> how do you encourage your wife to enjoy giving oral?


These guys right here are the ones you need to get your advice from! 










They get so much oral sex, that they are too exhausted to shop at the mall. You'll find that they don't even have any advice to give you, but if you goto the mall with your wife and hang out with these guys.... I don't understand how or why this works, but you will find your wife suddenly motivated to give you oral sex.

Badsanta


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Sex should be mutual and balanced, but that does not mean that every act needs to be balanced. It is not a problem if you enjoy giving oral and she doesn't, but it is a problem if you do things for her, but she doesn't do anything for you


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

uhtred said:


> Sex should be mutual and balanced, but that does not mean that every act needs to be balanced. It is not a problem if you enjoy giving oral and she doesn't, but it is a problem if you do things for her, but she doesn't do anything for you


some people love to receive gifts, some people would feel bad only receiving and never giving, and some people love to give gifts no matter if it's reciprocal or not.

I loved to give oral, but eventually burned out not getting anything for myself from selfish in bed ex h. 
Balance is key, as opposed to an equivalent tally sheet trading specific sex act for specific sex act.

You can always tell the true selfish ones because it spills over into other facets of life. For instance, selfish xh would also always have to drive the nicer newer car. Be the one to buy himself everything on his wish list, and the first to get new clothes/shoes. He was always the one to get the biggest or last piece of dessert.He was always entitled to the best or most of everything, including but not limited to, orgasms.


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

Giving. Took me a long time to resolve issues I had but once I did, I came to enjoy knowing that I could give my H that pleasure. But receiving is always nice too 


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## Buffon06 (Aug 14, 2016)

Although receiving is very nice, I very much prefer to give oral sex.


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

I enjoy giving, but I also really enjoy receiving. I would still give oral even if I never received but I'm sure glad I have a husband that see sex as a joint adventure. I give 100 % and in return I get 100% back. 

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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

I've only had one serious partner that I did enjoy giving to. Nevertheless I was more than happy to accept from him. Years later I accepted that the truth is I just didn't find him sexually appealing. I had tried to give him hints back then that he needed to start working out and eating better by setting an example myself but the only success I had was with his clothing choices. While that made him more attractive in public, it didn't help in the bedroom.

Today I can't even imagine not giving my current partner oral. It's the one thing I know I can do that is guaranteed to blow his mind and that is a major turn on for me. He's certainly not as good as I am but I love that he tries so hard and he will only get better with practice. 

All this to say I think something is a little off if one partner has an issue with pleasuring the other but enjoys being pleasured in the same way. If she's not making up by offering something else that you don't/can't then that ain't fair. There is no way she cannot expect you to get resentful. 

I'd cut off the giving and if she asks why just explain that's the only way you can avoid the resentment.
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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

69, while enjoyable, has never gotten us both off and rarely even one of us. 

As we've got older there is a lot more 68, today it's all about me, tomorrow it's all about her. Both days are enjoyable.


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

As for encouraging her to give, especially if it's a matter of confidence for her, then talking to her during oral and letting her know how good it feels helps a lot. My H is quite vocal during and it's a major turn on for me. But begging for it can bring on a pressure situation and that turns me off. In my case I had a past trauma that led to my initial aversion to giving BJs... Do you know if there's more to the story for her? If so, dealing with that in therapy can help a lot.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

bilbag said:


> I'm sure some women don't like giving oral, right? So, part b of this thread is how do you encourage your wife to enjoy giving oral? And for the women, do you enjoy or not enjoy giving oral sex?


I'll try and give a serious answer here... From what I learned in college, many women have bad experiences giving oral sex to their first boyfriends. While young and naive, these boyfriends sometimes force their partners to give oral and a lot of it. These women grow very resentful and set boundaries against oral in their following relationships. Common problems in these younger relationships is that the boyfriend had no consideration for the "male odor" and perhaps he also enjoyed taking his time during oral so that it would end up giving the girlfriend a soar jaw. I had no idea that us guys give off a smell, until I had one girlfriend explain it to me. For what I understand it is very similar to how the female genitalia smell. Nothing bad, but it is a very unique and obvious odor. 

So @bilbag if this happened to your wife, her reasons for not giving oral would almost have to be handled as if you are confronting issues with past sexual abuse. *I would first communicate with her and see if she is willing to talk about why she has been reluctant to give you oral during your marriage.* A great place to work on overcoming these issues would be during or just after a bath, as male odors can be strong and trigger rather visual memories for her. A bath/shower will mitigate this problem. Also mention to you wife that she does not actually need to take you penis inside her mouth, that she can just lick and kiss on it in combination with using her hands. This will avoid the problem of her being worried about getting a soar jaw. 

A fun way to approach this topic as well would be to let her completely shave you down there! While most men shave down there thinking that they are creating a visual masterpiece for the wife, to her it is likely more about mitigating male odors.

Hope that helps.

Badsanta


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I love to give oral to my wife, but she doesn't like oral, so it's a rarity for me. But, she also doesn't give either, so I don't get to give or receive.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It depends. I love to receive, unless she's bad at it. I love to give, unless it doesn't really work for her. So it varies by partner.


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## bilbag (Aug 3, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> It depends. I love to receive, unless she's bad at it. I love to give, unless it doesn't really work for her. So it varies by partner.


There's such a thing as a bad bj?
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## bilbag (Aug 3, 2016)

heartbroken50 said:


> As for encouraging her to give, especially if it's a matter of confidence for her, then talking to her during oral and letting her know how good it feels helps a lot. My H is quite vocal during and it's a major turn on for me. But begging for it can bring on a pressure situation and that turns me off. In my case I had a past trauma that led to my initial aversion to giving BJs... Do you know if there's more to the story for her? If so, dealing with that in therapy can help a lot.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I doubt there's past trauma. A year or two ago she said she enjoyed it and wanted to know if she was doing it right so we watched how others did it online. The interest in the activity just didn't last long.
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## bilbag (Aug 3, 2016)

badsanta said:


> I'll try and give a serious answer here... From what I learned in college, many women have bad experiences giving oral sex to their first boyfriends. While young and naive, these boyfriends sometimes force their partners to give oral and a lot of it. These women grow very resentful and set boundaries against oral in their following relationships. Common problems in these younger relationships is that the boyfriend had no consideration for the "male odor" and perhaps he also enjoyed taking his time during oral so that it would end up giving the girlfriend a soar jaw. I had no idea that us guys give off a smell, until I had one girlfriend explain it to me. For what I understand it is very similar to how the female genitalia smell. Nothing bad, but it is a very unique and obvious odor.
> 
> So @bilbag if this happened to your wife, her reasons for not giving oral would almost have to be handled as if you are confronting issues with past sexual abuse. *I would first communicate with her and see if she is willing to talk about why she has been reluctant to give you oral during your marriage.* A great place to work on overcoming these issues would be during or just after a bath, as male odors can be strong and trigger rather visual memories for her. A bath/shower will mitigate this problem. Also mention to you wife that she does not actually need to take you penis inside her mouth, that she can just lick and kiss on it in combination with using her hands. This will avoid the problem of her being worried about getting a soar jaw.
> 
> ...


You make good points. She says she has a small mouth so it tires her. But I suspect it has more to do with the smell but that is kind of embarrassing for her to say and for me to ask. I told the doc during annual exam I get sweaty down there so he said use boxers, which helps. The shaving helps too which I think coincides with the time she did give oral. but shaving requires doing it regularly and new growth really irritated her when she rides. Not really too excited having a sharp blade against my member too often either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

bilbag said:


> You make good points. She says she has a small mouth so it tires her. But I suspect it has more to do with the smell but that is kind of embarrassing for her to say and for me to ask. I told the doc during annual exam I get sweaty down there so he said use boxers, which helps. The shaving helps too which I think coincides with the time she did give oral. but shaving requires doing it regularly and new growth really irritated her when she rides. Not really too excited having a sharp blade against my member too often either.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How about just showering right beforehand?


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

bilbag said:


> You make good points. She says she has a small mouth so it tires her. But I suspect it has more to do with the smell but that is kind of embarrassing for her to say and for me to ask. I told the doc during annual exam I get sweaty down there so he said use boxers, which helps. The shaving helps too which I think coincides with the time she did give oral. but shaving requires doing it regularly and new growth really irritated her when she rides. Not really too excited having a sharp blade against my member too often either.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


grooming is an option if keeping a close shave is too much maintenance. there are lots of options out there for trimmers with an adjustable length that would keep things feeling soft instead of irritating new growth.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Wash your junk often....more than once a day. Shower before sex. This goes for both sexes.


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## bilbag (Aug 3, 2016)

jld said:


> How about just showering right beforehand?


Yes we shower beforehand all the time. I can assume your partner does not have some smell that would turn you off?
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## bilbag (Aug 3, 2016)

sixty-eight said:


> grooming is an option if keeping a close shave is too much maintenance. there are lots of options out there for trimmers with an adjustable length that would keep things feeling soft instead of irritating new growth.


Sounds like a good plan....a haircut instead of going bald.
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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

bilbag said:


> Yes we shower beforehand all the time. I can assume your partner does not have some smell that would turn you off?


Correct.
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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

bilbag said:


> Yes we shower beforehand all the time. I can assume your partner does not have some smell that would turn you off?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mine doesn't.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

I prefer to give since it's the only way my wife can orgasm. Unfortunately, she rarely lets me perform oral on her. Very strange to me even after 27 years of marriage! Plus, even though I can get her very close with oral, she rarely orgasms unless she swings around into 69 and takes my [email protected]@k deep in her throat. I've tried to get her to just lay back and enjoy me going down on her, but she begs for it until I give in.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

bilbag said:


> There's such a thing as a bad bj?


 yes.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Some tips about washing, this is what my husband and I do. The problem may be the thoroughness and frequently of bathing. Wash the whole body with a wash cloth using scrubbing motions especially in skin folds, butt crack and back.

Rinse off and do it over again until skin is squeaky clean. Dry completely. Skin retains bad odors if left more than 24 hrs so daily or twice daily bathing is important. 

If you clean just a small area and leave the adjacent areas smelly, it is like you never washed. Best of luck.


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## bilbag (Aug 3, 2016)

mitchell said:


> I prefer to give since it's the only way my wife can orgasm. Unfortunately, she rarely lets me perform oral on her. Very strange to me even after 27 years of marriage! Plus, even though I can get her very close with oral, she rarely orgasms unless she swings around into 69 and takes my [email protected]@k deep in her throat. I've tried to get her to just lay back and enjoy me going down on her, but she begs for it until I give in.


It is the right thing not to let her beg too long. 
Congrats, 27 yrs is very good.
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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Catherine602 said:


> Some tips about washing, this is what my husband and I do. The problem may be the thoroughness and frequently of bathing. Wash the whole body with a wash cloth using a scrubbing motions especially skin folds, butt crack and back.


hmmm... I was just reading about using epson salt and baking soda in a hot bath to help your body detox. 

How to Take a Detox Bath (with Pictures) - wikiHow


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