# Your opinion on what he said



## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

Please...I am way too close to this.

We are divorcing. I told me soon to be ex that he was hurting me by looking for a new girlfriend before the ink had dried on the divorce paperwork and asked him if he (and I too of course) would wait until at least the divorce was final before looking for a new partner. I thought this would also be best for the kids. 

After thinking it over for a day and a half, he told me he would make a compromise with me. He said it was probably a bad idea but that he would agree to hold off on looking for a new girlfriend until the divorce was final, but because he has "needs", only if I agreed to sleep with him during that period.
I told him, without hesitation, NO and that not only was that a horrible idea but that I was insulted on top of it.
He just kind of laughed, when I told him my answer and said just nevermind, it was probably a bad idea in the first place and I should take it as a compliment because he still thought I was "hot".

He has hurt me so much that just about everything he does now, upsets or insults or hurts me in some way and while I feel horribly insulted and upset by this I don't know if this is just me or not. I have been a mess lately so if I could get some unbaised (hopefully) opinions, I would appreciate it.


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## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

By the way...this was about a full week ago. I have since told him that I want only a "business-like" relationship with him and only in regards to the kids and that I do not want to know anything going on in his personal life anymore and to keep his nose out of mine.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

That second post makes a great deal more sense. You are getting divorced. His activities are no longer your concern except insofar as you need to co-parent.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

My take ....

You were out of line trying to control his personal life .... since you are divorcing. A better approach would have been to ask not to introduce a new relationship to the children for a certain period of time.

AND he was a pig for suggesting what he did.


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

No, it's not just you. What he said was demeaning and insulting. He was trying to get sex from you and that's not a part of your relationship anymore. You are right to feel how you feel regarding that issue. However, it seems that you still have some feelings for him (understandably) and that might be another issue for you to resolve. Unfortunately, that will take some time. Just know that you are correct to feel insulted by his stipulation. Good luck.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I agree with vthome. He's free to look for new relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

More to the point, has she a choice?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Most guys, boiled down to their essence, are horndogs. It's nothing personal, just the way things are. In his horndog mind, when you expressed "hurt" over the prospect of him having a lover, he saw that as an indication that you still desired him (at least a little). We don't need all that much encouragement to release our inner horndog, especially when we are especially vulnerable (going through a divorce). Like most guys, he equates sex with love, so suggesting that you two knock boots was his twisted idea of a caring gesture.
I'm guessing he's feeling about low and desperate enough right now to cast his line pretty much anywhere. I wouldn't take it as a personal insult. If he were a fabulous, outstanding guy, you wouldn't be divorcing him. He's got some flaws and you're getting rid of him. Let him be someone else's problem.


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## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

I told him that it wasn't right for me to try apply my moral values to him. I know I have made many mistakes in this whole divorce process, but 14 years of marriage is a long time and I guess it's just going to be a lot longer until I can be more objective and figure out how this all works. I am trying though! 

I have always felt that while I am married, even if I am getting divorced, that until that marriage is completely and legally over it would still be cheating for me to go looking elsewhere. 
I guess I will claim temporary insanity as the reason I even made the request of him in the first place. His lying and cheating were the reason for the divorce and I don't know why I thought I would actually get any kind of answer I would like from him.

The sex thing though...I know that MOST men are horndogs but it still seemed to me like he was saying "Hey! If I can't get it when and where I want it then you're just going to have to fill in until the divorce is final and things go back to normal." I don't think I will ever understand. 

I also never knew that all men equate love with sex. That just seems very sad to me.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

I'll get beat up on this...but I'll put my foot in my mouth...I don't think most men equate love and sex as the same, I do think we are confused about intimacy and sex...

Men tend to be less expressive in their love--probably more selfish, women need more...I think women need foreplay 24/7...gentle touches, looks, smiles...COMMUNICATION...it's all about tenderness with women...

Love can be expressed in so many different ways with your clothes on...so can intimacy, but we MEN kinda stop thinking with our brain and get confused about sex and intimcay when the blood is busy down south...

Your husband is a pig and knows nothing about love or intimacy and I bet the sex suffers because of that...


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