# Anal husband...



## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

My husband is driving me nuts. I swear I don't know what to do anymore. We've been married 4yrs in October and its been a rough road. My husband is one of the most anal people I have met in by life! I mean anal! It's to the point where I don't even like having some people over, kids especially. When it comes to them touching anything like god forbid they touch the glass on the sliding glass doors or they walk off the front mat with shoes on, they are kids! He starts telling me I shouldn't be letting them do that and goes off on me. He won't say anything in front of the other people, but I will hear about it when they leave. We don't have kids of our own, just 2 cats. I have a very close friend with 2 little girls, 2 and 4yrs old and they don't come over a lot. He is constantly *****ing about everything. Why did you do this??? What did you do that?!? Your not going to leave this here?!? It's constant. It's terrible. I feel like I am walking on eggshells all the time in by own home. He *****es about my sister having a swing on the backyard because he has to cut the grass. Well she lives here too (she has an apartment in our basement). I mean it's everything! I have never been an angry person but with him I tell and scream and swear. It's just not me. I feel like I am losing myself. I am so sick of him nagging me and I just wish he would realize this. His Dad is this way, nothing was or is ever good enough. His Dad is an abusive ******* and I feel like my H is getting this way. I am not like his Mom though, I do not lay down and take it, but I sit here and think, do I want this for the rest of my life? What will it be like when we have a child? I don't want that child to be treated like this either. It's a terrible feeling. Anyone else every felt like this? 

I cannot talk to him about it. He whines and starts to raise his voice and it's annoying as hell. I try to have a conversation with him and nothing works. It ALWAYS turns into a fight and us yelling at each other. I am at my witts end. I don't know how much more I can take before I lose it. As I am writing this he is STILL going on about how I shouldn't let the little girl that was just hear touch the window. I should have told her no. On and on and on...and on! Now he is onto my sister again. She dared clean up the garden and she didn't ask him of he wanted a garden! Urgh!

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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

I could not be in a relationship with a person like that. Primo to marriage did he have the same personality?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Was he like this with you before you married him?

Did you live with him before marriage?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Buy a pack of washable markers, make sure they are washable!

Write on the windows and the floors, works great on linoleum and tile floors, and mirrors, little love messages. On the inside of the house, where people can't see, write X rated stuff. On the outside windows and what not, write hearts with your name + his name. On the kitchen floor write a note as follows:

"My darling husband, is your love strong enough to look past the fact that the windows, mirrors and floors and now messy? If not, you need to work on that.
I love you, but will not be yelled at and treated with disrespect. People are messy, kids are messy, life is messy. The sooner you accept that, the easier our lives will become.

Love, your wife"


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

Washable markers are not always washable. He might have OCD. Would he be willing to get treated for that possibly?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Wow, can your sister break her lease?
Maybe you two can move together to somewhere more inhabitable.
How long did you date, did you live together before marriage, has he been like this from Day 1 when you were living together, were there any signs beforehand that could have clued you in?
Maybe he is not dealing well with marriage, and not being on his own and in charge of everything. Some people don't do well with that at all. My exH was one of them, he explicitly did not want me to put up a key hanger on the wall by our door. 

When I decided to divorce him (because his control issues went much deeper) the last thing I did before leaving the house was to install the key holder on the wall. I just couldn't help myself, the guy before him broke it after offering to install it, I think on purpose, so it was already damaged by someone with control issues. I figured it had its destiny. 

Mine did not lie with either of these two...one was very passive about control, the other one was very aggressive about it. But it both comes from the same need for following certain rules that work to get them what they want, when they want it. 

Little kids are little kids and people are people, they will touch windows and put in swings and gardens. It doesn't sound like he understands that people have a right to behave however they want, so long as they are being reasonably respectful and age-appropriate and mental ability appropriate. 

He either has OC or he is extremely controlling, or just is doing something wrong and wants to throw you off the scent (i.e. if it's a new behavior.)


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Like everybody else, I'm wondering if he was like that before you married.

What I would tell him is, "I am not going to be the bad guy here. Frankly, this stuff isn't bothering me. If it's bother you.. YOU say something to our friends.. I don't want to hear anything about it after they are gone! I am not going to be your bad guy."


If he can't calm his happy self down..I sure wouldn't want to have kids with that guy..


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## Tom Tybee (Sep 5, 2013)

And I thought I was controlling/obsessive. Nope.


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

We did live together for a short time. He is from the US and we now live in Canada where I have been my whole life. I lived with him for only 4 months in the US before he moved here to be with me. Everything moved very quickly once he got here. Got here in March, proposed in July and for married in October. I wish I could say he wasn't like this before but he was, just not to his extent. He is very clean as am I. So that's ok. I think it's gotten worse since we bought our house (so no, my sister cannot move out, we could not afford it without her and she and I bought the house together. H is still building credit). He said to me today, he just wants it clean, which I get. It is clean. We do clean up after the girls when they come to visit. As for h saying some hiring to our guests, uh no. That would come off as very rude as far as ok concerned. I don't really think it's OCD I think it's the way he was raised. As I said, his dad is the same way. I am glad they live far away as I don't have to deal with him. He makes me very uncomfortable. He is very controlling with his Mom and she is the nicest most passive person. I am not.

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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If it was me, I would tell him to stuff his weirdness up his ass sideways and tell him to either deal with it or move especially if he doesn't have the guts to do his own dirty work.

The man has a problem and he needs help. Seriously he has a disorder and he nneds to see a doctor PDQ.


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

So you and your sister own the house and his name isn't on it?


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

Oldfaithful said:


> So you and your sister own the house and his name isn't on it?


That would be correct. We could only have 2 people on the mortgage and with him not having enough Canadian credit and him making less then both of us, this was the best bet to get our house. Everything for the house, bills wise are in my name as is his cell. It's hard to build credit, unfortunate.

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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He has a problem. There is nothing normal or acceptable about what he is doing. 

Is there one room in the house that can be his 'man cave'? IF there is, tell him that's his room to keep as spotless and devoid of fun and humanity as choses. The rest of the house is open for you to live in, socialize in, etc. 

It sounds like his father is emotionally abusive and he is following in his father's footsteps.

Your sister is an home owner. If she wants a garden she can have a garden. Doesn't he understand that?


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> He has a problem. There is nothing normal or acceptable about what he is doing.
> 
> Is there one room in the house that can be his 'man cave'? IF there is, tell him that's his room to keep as spotless and devoid of fun and humanity as choses. The rest of the house is open for you to live in, socialize in, etc.
> 
> ...


I agree with you about his father. He was and is still very abusive to my H and it is terrible to see him being so fearful of making a mistake that he won't really try to do anything for himself. I understand he wants the house clean, and I'm not talking you could eat off the floor clean, it's just certain things that bother him, like kids hands on the windows that haven't been cleaned in a week maybe 2, so who cares?! As for my sister, he does get it but he says we do everything without talking to him. Some things, yes we do, like this garden. We went out and got everything and did it. Big deal! The garden was the before, it just looked like ****, so it's not like we "changed" anything. Him and I fight over just about anything coming out of my mouth. Nothing is good enough. His car sucks, well it's the car you have for now. He says I can say that as I have a newer car. I'm driving a god damned G5! Not a Mercedes! Money doesn't grow on trees. We have had to do a new roof, new deck AND new driveway this year, and he's not happy about that, well **** happens. Urgh.

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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> He has a problem. There is nothing normal or acceptable about what he is doing.
> 
> Is there one room in the house that can be his 'man cave'? IF there is, tell him that's his room to keep as spotless and devoid of fun and humanity as choses. The rest of the house is open for you to live in, socialize in, etc.
> 
> ...



I agree with this concept. I am also anal/particular about things although not to the extent you describe. I also have two young children, and a live in GF. Letting him have his own space he can keep as he wants and can retreat to is important.  I had my man cave when married and when I was stressed that's where I went to decompress. I kept that room exactly how I liked it and the order of the room helped to calm me....No idea why this helped me but just did. Can something like they work for you OP?


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > He has a problem.
> ...


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

imhisbeautifuldisaster said:


> My husband is driving me nuts. I swear I don't know what to do anymore. We've been married 4yrs in October and its been a rough road. My husband is one of the most anal people I have met in by life! I mean anal! It's to the point where I don't even like having some people over, kids especially. When it comes to them touching anything like god forbid they touch the glass on the sliding glass doors or they walk off the front mat with shoes on, they are kids! He starts telling me I shouldn't be letting them do that and goes off on me. He won't say anything in front of the other people, but I will hear about it when they leave. We don't have kids of our own, just 2 cats. I have a very close friend with 2 little girls, 2 and 4yrs old and they don't come over a lot. He is constantly *****ing about everything. Why did you do this??? What did you do that?!? Your not going to leave this here?!? It's constant. It's terrible. I feel like I am walking on eggshells all the time in by own home. He *****es about my sister having a swing on the backyard because he has to cut the grass. Well she lives here too (she has an apartment in our basement). I mean it's everything! I have never been an angry person but with him I tell and scream and swear. It's just not me. I feel like I am losing myself. I am so sick of him nagging me and I just wish he would realize this. His Dad is this way, nothing was or is ever good enough. His Dad is an abusive ******* and I feel like my H is getting this way. I am not like his Mom though, I do not lay down and take it, but I sit here and think, do I want this for the rest of my life? What will it be like when we have a child? I don't want that child to be treated like this either. It's a terrible feeling. Anyone else every felt like this?
> 
> I cannot talk to him about it. He whines and starts to raise his voice and it's annoying as hell. I try to have a conversation with him and nothing works. It ALWAYS turns into a fight and us yelling at each other. I am at my witts end. I don't know how much more I can take before I lose it. As I am writing this he is STILL going on about how I shouldn't let the little girl that was just hear touch the window. I should have told her no. On and on and on...and on! Now he is onto my sister again. She dared clean up the garden and she didn't ask him of he wanted a garden! Urgh!
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


Was he always like this? Or just got worse after you cheated on him?


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Great. Another thread about anal.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

As you describe, it does sound pretty crazy. That said, why does your sister have to live with you because they will undoubtedly increase his stress. I am not sure this will work but I would give it a chance without your having added family members in your house.


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

Bobby5000 said:


> As you describe, it does sound pretty crazy. That said, why does your sister have to live with you because they will undoubtedly increase his stress. I am not sure this will work but I would give it a chance without your having added family members in your house.


H is from the US and is still building up his Canadian credit and such. So S and I got the house together so we would be approved without issues. She had no where to go either. She has a full apartment in the basement with separate entrance. They got along great usually, but sometimes it is hard. We have only been here 1 year, so moving is not an option and we really love our house and neighborhood.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

My ex was EXACTLY like this. Nothing (and I mean NOTHING) was ever good enough. Everything I did was questioned by him. Everything my kids did was questioned by him. I finally realized *duh* it wasn't me... It was his problem. With some people, that's just their personality and "normal" communication style. It didn't work for me.

I don't mean to be a raincloud, but I divorced him. 

I have never walked (and will never walk) on another eggshell again!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

vellocet said:


> Was he always like this? Or just got worse after you cheated on him?


Huh? Where does she mention cheating on him? I'm confused...


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Huh? Where does she mention cheating on him? I'm confused...


In another thread, though she denies its cheating.




imhisbeautifuldisaster said:


> So I did something I thought I would never do. I signed up to ****** *******.com (A.M Looks like it blurts it out). I guess I know why I did it, but now that I have done it, I don’t know why. H and I have been married just over 3 years, been together around 5. Things have not been great. Our sex life is pretty well dead (maybe once a month) and I just don’t feel connected to him. So I made an account and started talking to a married man. We talked back and forth for only around a week and met on Wed. We just met at the beach and had coffee, nothing happened but lots of talking. Him and I text each other pretty much all day for the next few days and agreed to meet for lunch on Sat. We had a great time at lunch chatting and getting to know each other. Then once again we got coffee and sat in his car and talked for a few hours. He told me he found me very attractive and wanted to kiss me, I told him no, that I wasn’t ready. Sat night, we went out to the movies, he did kiss me on the cheek and now I just feel ill thinking about it.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

vellocet said:


> In another thread, though she denies its cheating.


Beautiful Disaster... may I suggest *sticking to one thread?* It's really hard to give helpful advice when people are only aware of bits and pieces of the story.

Just sayin'...


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> vellocet said:
> 
> 
> > In another thread, though she denies its cheating.
> ...


Different issue. Pretty sure everyone is entitled to make more then one thread, this person just feels like he needs to follow me around and sha I cheated. Which I did not. I made a stupid decision and did something I regret everyday but have moved past. I have not and would not do that again, I have learned my lesson and it felt terrible

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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

imhisbeautifuldisaster said:


> Different issue. Pretty sure everyone is entitled to make more then one thread, this person just feels like he needs to follow me around and sha I cheated.


Wrong. I read your story before, yet I'm sitting here reading this and you are going to sit here and make your H out to be an a$$? Really?





> Which I did not.


Yes, you did. Does your husband know what you did?

I mean if you don't think you didn't cheat and didn't do anything wrong, then surely you should be able to tell him and he can just brush it off, right?


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

vellocet said:


> Wrong. I read your story before, yet I'm sitting here reading this and you are going to sit here and make your H out to be an a$$? Really?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Last time this thread was active was 05-25-2014. I didn't realize there were rules to posting, this is about a totally different issue. My H does know what happened and he did not brush it off. Him and I talked and talked about what happened, he came to a few appts with me to see my counselor and we have moved on. He does not bring it up anymore and I don't either. I hurt him, I know I did, and if he can move forward, so can I.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

imhisbeautifuldisaster said:


> My H does know what happened and he did not brush it off. Him and I talked and talked about what happened, he came to a few appts with me to see my counselor and we have moved on.


Really? That's it? He just went to a few appointments with you?

He didn't get angry when you told him?



> He does not bring it up anymore and I don't either. I hurt him, I know I did, and if he can move forward, so can I.


So move forward and quit starting threads like this trying to make an a$$ out of him. Because if he is an a$$, I wouldn't blame him a bit after what you did.


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

vellocet said:


> Really? That's it? He just went to a few appointments with you?
> 
> He didn't get angry when you told him?
> 
> ...


Of course he was pissed off BUT he wants to be with me and I with him, so we worked thru it. I don't know what you want me to tell you. Not everyone is the same. He forgave me and we moved past it. 

Thanks for the info. Again, if you don't like what I am posting, stay out of it. You do not have to read any of it or comment, yet you want to keep going back and fourth. You chose to bring this old ass thread up, not me. I wanted advise about MY outburst, I was not saying anything about him being an ass at all.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

imhisbeautifuldisaster said:


> He forgave me and we moved past it.


Yet you are here complaining about him.

So you want to forget about what you did, and want to concentrate on why he is the way he is?


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