# Need Advice Please help me!



## contaminated (Mar 25, 2010)

Let me begin by saying I love my husband more than anything, we met and it was an istant connection he was my best friend. We have now been married for about 8 months now and the sex has dwindled down to once a month. Today actually makes it over a month. He will not touch me and I have to beg him for any type of affection. It was not always like this we used to have sex frequently and always show affection. yet, he says he had never given me affection. I guess it all started a week after we got married and he had an issue with coccaine he was depressed for weeks and did not work. I ended up getting him a job where I worked and things seemed to be getting better until he screwed up with drugs again and I sent him home to NY right around Thankgiving. He said he would change and things would get better but it has gotten worse. He has not done drugs from what I know but has reverted into getting wasted all the time. About a months ago while I was at work he went out and spent 160 of my money in the bank. So I took access from the card away. He now is working at my job again but not helping with most of the bills. We have two dogs and he basically refuses to help. I ask him to pull his own weight and he doesn't. It wasn't always like this but now that I have put it into writing I can;t believe I am still here. Last week we got into a fight because he was drunk and stupid...we reconciled and he told me he would be right back, instead he took the car and went out drinking until 5 am. Again I was up crying, while he just turns off the phone. I tend to complain a lot and I could take most of the problems except for the non affection. I need to feel wanted and he does not do this. I need to have sex, I don;t want anyone else I just need him to want me. I get so upset and confront him on why he doesn't want to have sex with me... he just calls me pathetic and screams. Tonight was another fight, I always tell him to leave, I just think if he would leave and get out of my life I could move on...but when I ask him he always refuses and just lays on the couch, all he does is lay on the couch. I asked him to go to couples counselling but he refuses b/c he says he doesn't need it he says "I am the problem I am miserable and I act like a baby." He won't even admit that it is a problem. Yet, I came home from a wedding yesterday and found porn all over my computer. So can someone just help!! I will answer all questions truthfully...just please help!! Am I the problem? What should I do?


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Just one obvious question: Why haven't you left him yet? No kids. Nothing holding you down. He is toxic. Leave.

Second less obvious question: Does he wear one of this wife-beater t-shirts while he's lying around the house doing nothing?

Next time it looks like he's staying in instead of going out until 5AM, put on your s.l.u.ttiest bar-w.h.o.r.e outfit and tell him your going to the clubs dancing with your girlfried. You'll be back WAY earlier than he usually is, so no worries. You'll find you get a reaction from him then. Just be careful if he's got that t-shirt on.


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## pinkprincess (Jun 10, 2008)

ok so do not blame your self for this....this is not something that you have casued and to behonest it sounds like it is not something that you can fix unless he is TRULY willing to make sacrifises and get the help he needs to save his life, love and marrriage...

Just one question was he like this before you married? if so why did he not get the help before you both really commited...?

Ok so i dont agree with the previous post that you should get ****ted up and go out as then you will just be the same as him and really is this going to fix anything or is it going to cause more tension...

I am glad that you do not have kids though as your life would be 100x harder... So what do you want to do about it? you say that you have tried couples councolling and he refuses, so do you want to stay in the marriage if he is not willing to support you..? 

As for the affection yeah i really cant see that changing untill he has his other issues dealt with...


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## Celica (Apr 6, 2010)

You should run. Normally I would say fight to save a marriage but this is bad news that will only end up getting worse. Drugs and alcohol addiction are a tough hurdle to get past but the thing thats terrifying is that he doesn't want to change and that he is being abusive to you. Abuse doesn't always have to be with the hand. Mental and Emotional abuse are just as bad. Recognize what he is doing to you and realize you deserve better. You are NOT the problem


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