# Just turned 30 and now divorce after 10 years of marriage



## Justmeplusone (Jul 17, 2020)

Hello! My husband and I have been having money problems and now he’s asking for a divorce. He’s had problems in the intimacy area and I just found out he’s been hanging out with a gay guy outside of work. He’s been hiding it for 2 weeks and even though I’ve caught him he never is upfront with me. Do you think he’s taking the turn?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Money problems can wreak havoc in a marriage. I cannot answer the "turn" question, although his refusal to admit sounds as if there's something he doesn't want you to know..

If you divorce, will your money problems be better, or worse ?


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## Justmeplusone (Jul 17, 2020)

He’s telling me he will continue to pay everything and we can still live together. He only wants $500 from his check which he gets paid biweekly and is trying to get a higher position. He said when I get paid more I still only want the same thing $500. But his job hasn’t paid him in 9 months and he won’t leave it.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Justmeplusone said:


> He’s been hiding it for 2 weeks and even though I’ve caught him he never is upfront with me. Do you think he’s taking the turn?


No one just "turns gay". He either always was, or never was.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Justmeplusone said:


> He’s telling me he will continue to pay everything and we can still live together.


That is not divorce. That is dropping to roommate status. If you divorce you need to totally separate your lives.


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## Justmeplusone (Jul 17, 2020)

bobert said:


> No one just "turns gay". He either always was, or never was.


I honestly think he is testing waters and this coworker has really glazed his thinking with going and having drinks at bars.


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## Justmeplusone (Jul 17, 2020)

bobert said:


> That is not divorce. That is dropping to roommate status. If you divorce you need to totally separate your lives.


He tells me we do not have the luxury to live separate places.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Justmeplusone said:


> I honestly think he is testing waters and this coworker has really glazed his thinking with going and having drinks at bars.


That's not how being gay works. I have a gay friend, doesn't matter how much time I spend with him, his "gayness" isn't going to rub off on me or get me thinking about having sex with men.

If you are divorcing, then it really doesn't matter what (or rather, who) he's doing.



Justmeplusone said:


> He tells me we do not have the luxury to live separate places.


Well, quite frankly, that's part of divorce. You have to figure it out.

Do you work?


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## Justmeplusone (Jul 17, 2020)

It’s not that the gayness rubbed off. He’s had a hard time in the intimacy area and I’ve caught him calling places to try to help himself. He told me he’s testing things out. Which he in general is not responsible and lost in life.
I don’t work. He makes the money and I take care of our child and deal with everything at home. He’s never around.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Justmeplusone said:


> It’s not that the gayness rubbed off. He’s had a hard time in the intimacy area and I’ve caught him calling places to try to help himself. He told me he’s testing things out. Which he in general is not responsible and lost in life.
> I don’t work. He makes the money and I take care of our child and deal with everything at home. He’s never around.


It's time for you to start working. You don't have a choice now.


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## Justmeplusone (Jul 17, 2020)

I’ve worked before and have always done part time. When I do work I make more money and he finds ways to make me leave. I have no help with my child and even though he doesn’t want to be together he’s always calling me and asking where we are and what are we doing?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

bobert said:


> It's time for you to start working.


Full time. If his "job" hasn't paid him in 9 months, it doesn't matter if he wants $500 biweekly, or $50000 biweekly. He doesn't have either one.
Somebody has to support you and your child. It is sure not going to be him.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

How are the bills getting paid?


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

You are being pretty vague. He's "testing things out" What does that mean? He's trying out sex with men? Going to prostitutes? Trying new supplements? It's hard to comment when you don't really give much information. What specifically is he doing that makes you think he might be gay? 

I am uniquely qualified to help you out with this as my exH is gay but I need a lot more information from you to help.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Justmeplusone said:


> It’s not that the gayness rubbed off. He’s had a hard time in the intimacy area


Maybe that's why he had a hard time with intimacy - he is not that turned on by women.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I’ve read you other thread.

He is simply a shady character and isn’t any good. 

Everything he says is BS. Everything he does is shady. He isn’t a normal, decent person. 

He’s probably involved in drug trafficking or something illegal and he is likely hooking up with other chick or dudes and probably has been all along. 

The best thing you can do is get a job and take care of yourself and your child and get away from him as fast and as far as you can.


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