# How do I deal with my wife cheating on me ?



## BrokenHeart6 (Mar 28, 2012)

I have been married 7 years. I thought my marriage was great and there were no problems, just your average every once and awhile small arguments and fights. But little did I know my wife was unhappy with our marriage around the 5th year. She says that the stress of my parents always emotional abusing her and always excluding her out of things caused her to have enough. We just had our 1st child about 3 months ago. About 1 month ago, we got into a fight about my parents once again. She said she had enough and packed it up and left and took the baby with her. She said she needed to clear her head and think about things. But she was tired of things and wants a divorce. She then proceeds to tell me the baby isn't even mine. I said excuse me ? What do you mean it's not mine ? She said she was unhappy in the marriage, which I was unaware of, but she said she was. She said she went out with her girl friends to the casino. Got drunk and woke up in the hotel room with her girlfriends, but she met some guy there and hooked up. But doesn't remember anything, but she then tells me the guy called her and told her that it's his baby. So now I have a wife who was pregnant, me thinking the entire time it's mine and now it's not. I love my wife, she is willing to work it out with me, I am willing to work it out also and forgive her. But how do I go on now with my life knowing this isn't my child, how do I even cope with knowing she betrayed me ? I am so lost, does life even make any sense to me ? I cannot even believe it. Anyone have any help or guidance. I am getting ready to go to a marriage counselor but wanted to hear from people. Any help please.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Get a paternity test STAT. 

Do not run after her. She has chosen to walk away from you. It's very likely there was much more involvement w/ the man than she says. It's very odd that a man from a supposedly ONS would call a woman out of the blue and tell her "you had my baby."

That doesn't even make any damn sense.

NO marriage counselling unless she is committed to the marriage. That means ZERO contact with OM. She should tell you who he is, where he is, how he has her phone #, the whole story.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

BrokenHeart6 said:


> she then tells me the guy called her and told her that it's his baby.


How would he know?  



> I am willing to work it out also and forgive her


Why? 

Because your parents were bad to her she decides to cheat? we all have pain in the ass in laws but that doesn't give you any right to go and have unprotected sex with some stranger you meet in a Casino......


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## BrokenHeart6 (Mar 28, 2012)

Complexity said:


> How would he know?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Complexity, I agree with you 100%. I feel the same way, I kept saying the entire time, I cannot control my parents. I tried talking to them, but it didn't seem to work. I really didn't want to hurt my relationship with my parents, but I blame myself also about not putting my foot down and atleast not having my wife get to that point, but I was unaware she was going to do that. I told her, if it was reverse and I was her. Even if I was unhappy, I would of never went out and had sex with other women. I loved her so much, I cannot even imagine she would do that to me. Then tell me she wants to work it out. We are getting a test to see if it's mine, but how can I go on if we do mend it ? I don't know if I can raise this child as if it was mine. It would be different if I met her and she had a child. But to be married and have a child with someone else and then expect me to be ok with it ? Am I just stupid to forgive her and live on ? I do believe in marriage and I don't believe in divorce. But how can you not feel bad feelings and go on ?


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Of course she is willing to work it out. At this time, you are legally responsible to this child until it reaches the age of 18. You are paying her way and no matter what have legal responsibility to her. If she goes to her one night stand, will he marry her and take her in. Highly unlikely.

1. Get a Paternity Test, if the child is not yours get a lawyer to break that legal requirement.
2. File for Divorce

Unless she starts doing some heavy lifting to save this marriage, you need to prepare to end it. 

Up to this time she has not so I do not think it is going to happen. Read the Tea Leaves do the 180 and Prepare yourself. Seperate your accounts, do not give her access to your share and prepare to walk away


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

BrokenHeart6 said:


> Complexity, I agree with you 100%. I feel the same way, I kept saying the entire time, I cannot control my parents. I tried talking to them, but it didn't seem to work. I really didn't want to hurt my relationship with my parents, but I blame myself also about not putting my foot down and atleast not having my wife get to that point, but I was unaware she was going to do that. I told her, if it was reverse and I was her. Even if I was unhappy, I would of never went out and had sex with other women. I loved her so much, I cannot even imagine she would do that to me. Then tell me she wants to work it out. We are getting a test to see if it's mine, but how can I go on if we do mend it ? I don't know if I can raise this child as if it was mine. It would be different if I met her and she had a child. But to be married and have a child with someone else and then expect me to be ok with it ? Am I just stupid to forgive her and live on ? I do believe in marriage and I don't believe in divorce. But how can you not feel bad feelings and go on ?


Brokenheart, she has to *earn* your forgiveness. Don't give it to her so easily. If you do, her respect for you will rapidly erode and you'll look like a doormat. She has to face serious consequences for her actions. This is a deal breaker to most people. You weren't a bad husband to her but she choose to commit the ultimate act of betrayal because of someone else's actions. She'll try to blameshift but you can't believe any of that BS.

Her excuses are incredibly petty and shows complete disregard for you as her husband. This is not the actions of a person who has any love for you. In my opinion you'd be completely insane if you raised this child and it turned out not to be yours. As you said, it would be completely different if you met her and she already had the child. I remember reading this story once about this woman who did the exact same thing. She cheated, fell pregnant by another man, wanted to work it out, the husband agreed to raise it as his own but when the baby came she developed very strong feeling for the baby's father, she couldn't explain why, something to do with a maternal bond or something. 

Anyway, she has to show much, much more remorse for her actions and grovel for forgiveness. I think you're at a stage now where you're doing anything to save this marriage but sooner or later the anger,depression and resentment will hit you hard and you're going to have to deal with that for the rest of your life.


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## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

First, don't make any decisions to stick to the marriage yet. You're in a world of hurt, confussion, and don't even know half the story yet so any committment to R would be premature. 

Second, find out what you need to know. Get a peternity test right away. If it's not your child, contact a lawyer and find out all the legal remifications of that fact. You haven't decided yet, but should you should to D you do not want to be financially responsible for a child that isn't even related to you.

Third, understand that she has NOT told you the whole story in any way, shape, or form. She gave you a very rough and watered-down version of events, implicitly blaming you for her sins in the process, and you simply should not believe her until you KNOW you've gotten the real truth.

Fourth, her story is total BS. The first BS part is the part where she claims "your inlaws made me unhappy therefore I cheated." Let's unpack this a little. (BTW, she is simply trying to shift blame to others, to your parents, to you, to the booze, to the government etc etc, rather than owning her own faults.) First, the fact that your inlaws made her unhappy is simply life. Every married person has pain in the a** inlaws, or at least most do. BTW, could explain what it is your parents did/do that forced her to have an affair? I'm really curious. They must have put a gun to her head or something. Moreover, and this is the important point, YOU HAD NO IDEA SHE WAS UNHAPPY. Did she communicate her unhappiness in the marriage? Did she repeatedly open up to you about her feelings in this matter? Were you aware she was unhappy? etc etc. No, she didn't, and that is entirely her fault. I can understand (a little better at least) situations where a spouse is very unhappy in a marriage, not having their needs met etc and this carries on for a while and said spouse repeatedly communicates their unhappiness to the other spouse and upon having their words ignored that unhappy spouse eventually finds comfort in another person. In this example an A is still 100% wrong, but it is a little more understandable. But in your case, where your W was unhappy, and she didnt communicate this to you, and then has an A, that is ALL on her shoulders. Marriages aren't always easy and people go through difficult times of unhappiness. That's life. But you communicate that and hopefully the other person makes effort to address those issues. From the sounds of it you would be the type to try to correct whatever issues were apparent that was making your wife unhappy. But she didn't even give you a bloody chance, and then goes off to another man. Wrong, wrong, wrong on so many levels. DO NOT take any blame for this for surely she will try to put it on you or your parents etc. My guess is the whole "I was unhappy" itself could just be a ruse to justify the A. Regardless, even if she was happy she needs to do something about that, she needs to communicate that you, and she needs to NEVER go outside the marriage to try and "fix" that.

The second part of her story that is BS is the "I got drunk and had a ONS" part. No guy who meets a girl at a casino and sleeps with her then calls her up later to claim custody of her child. Seriously, I don't even know how to make sense of that. Oh yeah, I do. She was very likely having an ongoing affair for an extended period of time with this guy. She was and might still be very much involved with him, emotionally and physically. Do you even know the A is over? Probably not, and don't assume it is. 

There is alot of work and thinking for you to do in the coming days/weeks etc. You need to protect yourself and not get hosed any further. Get a paternity test. Install keylogger and other devices to monitor her actions (the A might be still ongoing). If you feel this it is strange to "spy" on her just remember she broke any form of assumed trust by having an A. Confront her and demand to know EVERYTHING all at once. Give her a few hours if need be to get her thoughts in order. Make it clear you are pissed and on the verge of divorce so she knows you mean business. Don't be a pushover. Demand the entire story, no more lying, and absolutely no more contact with the OM. Then see what happens, see what she does, says (does it make sense? So far her story makes zero sense), see what the paternity test results are etc.

From the sounds of it she is a selfish cheater and lier who is now showing false remorse because she either wants your financial support for the baby or have her cake and eat it to. As others have rightly said, DO NOT jump into R too soon or too early or else you are implicitly condoning her actions. I was actually just file for divorce from the get go so she understands the gravity of the situation. IF she then does EVERYTHING to own her actions and repair the marriage etc you can always no go through with the divorce. Divorce proceedings take time. As of now you need to show you aren't a doormat and going to let this all go easily. She needs to see that and filing for D gets the point across. Then see how she responds. If she does really love you and is remorseful you'll see another side of her, a side that will desperately own up for her actions and do everything to win you back. And for the record, this would be a deal-breaker for me. I would go through the divorce. Believe it or not, there are tons of amazing woman out there who wont treat you like crap like she has and perhaps still is. Good luck.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

What has been done on her part to show she wants back into the mge.

As said above---get a paternity test---your problem is---if other man is father---you get him in your life for the next 18 yrs, or longer----and financially speaking---let him do his duty as the father----money is money, and it isn't so easy to come by these days.

Your wife had every right to gripe about the state of the mge---especially with you chosing to continue to subject her to your parents, when you knew there were problems

She had no right TO SLEEP WITH ANOTHER MAN, OR EVEN GO OUT INTO THE MEAT MARKET, AND EXPOSE HERSELF TO OTHER MEN.

Now you need to decide what you want----she doesn't get to decide------What are you willing to handle---expecially with OM's Child----knowing every time you look at that child you will see OM, inside of your wife

Get the atty, as suggested above---and find out your options about everything, before you do anything----you just found out about this deception, so you can still act, but you can't wait to long, or you will be stuck with this child.

Your wife can show all the remorse in the world---that is basically meaningless---for that is just regret, and words----WHAT ACTIONS IS SHE PERFORMING TO SHOW SHE WANTS YOU, AND THE MGE, ABOVE AND BEYOND ANYTHING ELSE.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Separate from your wife as much as you can.

Financially
Emotionally
Proximity

Get a DNA paternity test done on the child.
If it`s your`s sue for custody rights.
If it`s not sue to have yourself removed as the childs father.

GTFO


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Agreed with what others said, also act NOW or the more you wait the more she'll shift the blame on you and your parents to justify her affair(and child).

If you are sharing bank accounts, credit cards either take half of it away or close them. They might just end up being spent with the OM.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She is having a long term affair with this guy. It was not a one time thing.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> She is having a long term affair with this guy. It was not a one time thing.


:scratchhead: If it was a ONS how did he get her phone number? If it was only a ONS how did he even know she was pregnant? Guys who have a ONS with a drunken girl do not keep tabs on them to the extent that they call up and say "hey you're pregnant - it has to be my baby".

Something else is going on here.


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## BrokenHeart6 (Mar 28, 2012)

Yeah, I have to sit down and think about alot of things. Thank you everyone for your help and advice.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Dude, WAY too many holes in her story. She not telling you the entire truth.

As Jellybean says, she was drunk and didn't realize that she slept with someone else and then out of the blue some random dude that she had random sex with calls her and all the sudden and tells her, "You realize that baby is mine, right?" Who does that?!?! If it was a random sex with a stranger, how does he know her number? If it was a girls night out at the Casino, where were the girls? If she doen't remember anything, how does she know that she screwed someone else? You wrote that she woke up with the girls. Therefore, it tells me that she didn't wake up naked next to a stranger. So how does she know she had sex?

I speculate that she has been having an affair for some time. She's rewriting your marriage history saying that she was unhappy and it's all your fault (and your family's) for her unhappiness.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

BrokenHeart6 said:


> Yeah, I have to sit down and think about alot of things. Thank you everyone for your help and advice.


Yea you do.

She just gave you a "get out of jail free" card with the OC so you can walk away. She said she was unhappy for a while, if you try to stay that's not going to change her feelings.

The easy thing to do is leave. If you try to R you will be miserable.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Get tested for STDs too!

She may have given you another gift that isn't yours!


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You have to consider that you simply do not have the full story. My guess is that there is a strong possibility that she has been screwing this guy for a prolonged period of time behind your back. This is possibly why the OM called her and told her that the baby was his. It is unlikely a man would screw a woman once and call her and say you are pregnant and the baby must be mine. It does not make sense.

Get tested for STD's. In addition I would strongly suggest a polygraph. I think she is clearly lying to you. If the baby is not yours then you certainly do not want to be financially liable for the next 18 years, Look your wife has been lying to you, cheating on you and now telling you the baby is not yours. She had no problem having making you look like a fool thinking the baby is yours. I guarantee you that there is much more to her story.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

bryanp said:


> You have to consider that you simply do not have the full story. My guess is that there is a strong possibility that she has been screwing this guy for a prolonged period of time behind your back. This is possibly why the OM called her and told her that the baby was his. It is unlikely a man would screw a woman once and call her and say you are pregnant and the baby must be mine. It does not make sense.


I agree with this. After the long term affair, the other man developed feelings for her and now is trying to solidify his presence in her life by claiming the baby is his. She probably told him she's pregnant first. If that's the case then you need to run for the hills. Even if the baby turns out to be yours, this is definitely not a person you should be in a committed relationship with. Imagine if things were really bad between you, what would've she done then?


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Like everyone has said, no ONS keeps track of a barfly they bang. This is critical. You have to remove any motivation other then love for you from the equation. That means DNA test for the child and divorce. There can be no benefit to her other then you. You must contest. Right now she is looking at securing an income stream for the future. 18 years to be exact. She made a snap decision, by leaving and telling you that the kid isn't yours. She regrets doing that, and is now trying to figure out how to restore things (I mean financially). 

So, as I said. Separate all accounts, contest parenting, and divorce her. Tell her that if she does all these things, that you will consider staying with her. Of course with heavy boundaries. THERE CAN BE NO FINANCIAL BENEFIT FOR HER IF YOU TAKE HER BACK. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW OTHERWISE.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

in alot of states you only have so much time to contest the baby, best move very quickly on this, i wouldn't tell wifey your doing it though. and please get a std cheack up, and send wife the bill.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Wow! I guess your wife proved your parents wrong about her, huh?

If this new baby is not yours, proven by a paternity test, then you should walk away and never look back. You may be on the hook for support, since the baby will be a child of your marriage. But, paying child support for 18 years is usually cheaper than raising the child.

If the child is yours, then you've got a decision to make. And you still may be better off divorcing.

Good luck.


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## Tap1214 (Aug 14, 2011)

Perhaps your parents saw something in her that you didn't see, very reason why they didn't get along.

As parents, they want what's best for you and they look out for your interest. Have you told your parents about what your wife did to you?? Not only she cheated, but now her baby (who they think is their grandchild) is actually OM's child? It's important you tell them the truth, as you will need their emotional support and advice.

Pleas listen to others and divorce her. Think about it, the whole time she was pregnant, she knew it wasn't your baby, but didn't say anything to you and kept her mouth shut. That's crazy!!!!


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Like everyone else I will add my opinion that this is not a woman you want to be married to regardless of the child's origins. But if you decide to try to make it work know this:

Anything that is obtained without cost is worthless!

If you give her another chance she will not truly appreciate it. If you make her earn it she will value it more and you will learn whether she is actually remorseful.

I still think you should cut your losses now.


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## tokn (Sep 9, 2011)

I would walk here, but the better part of me would at least get a paternity test to see if the child was mine so I would have that piece of mind.

If it isn't, there's no way I could raise someone else is kid. I could later on end up resenting the kid and that's not what I would want. Maybe worse, lets say you choose to take the child on as your own, wife cheats again or doesn't work out, now you're attached to the child, biological not, you're the parent, it would be even harder to leave.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Feeling lost? Join the group. It is a sad group. Welcome to bizarro land. Hire three strippers to come over to your house. When they show up tell your wife you are freaken unhappy and you just want some fun and excitement. Tell her your parents hired them for you. 

Doing this makes about as much sense as what your wife is telling you and is just as stupid.

This is how you cope.

1. Get a paternity test.
2. Get tested for STDs
3. Get your finances in order
4. Go see an attorney 
5. Expose the affair to everyone
6. Do the 180
7. Do not offer forgiveness yet
8. Do not beg

Dude you are in for the ride of your life emotionally. Listen to folks on here and you will make it, one way or the other.


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## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

7 years. Ah, the magic number in many states in which alimony kicks in. Make a Promise to yourself to see a good lawyer within the next week. Read up on codependency.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

I dont think a wife of 7 years marriage, can have a baby out of that ONS.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Get the paternity test and see an attorney ASAP. Depending on what state you're in, you may or may not be liable for support of a child that is not biologically yours. Find out what your rights are.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Run, don't walk to the lawyers office! Get the paternity test done, then do the 180 thing. Trust me: If it looks like crap, and smells like crap, it's usually always crap!

You deserve far better! Move on! God has far better plans in store for you!


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

BrokenHeart6 said:


> I have been married 7 years. I thought my marriage was great and there were no problems, just your average every once and awhile small arguments and fights. But little did I know my wife was unhappy with our marriage around the 5th year. She says that the stress of my parents always emotional abusing her and always excluding her out of things caused her to have enough. We just had our 1st child about 3 months ago. About 1 month ago, we got into a fight about my parents once again. She said she had enough and packed it up and left and took the baby with her. She said she needed to clear her head and think about things. But she was tired of things and wants a divorce. She then proceeds to tell me the baby isn't even mine. I said excuse me ? What do you mean it's not mine ? She said she was unhappy in the marriage, which I was unaware of, but she said she was. She said she went out with her girl friends to the casino. Got drunk and woke up in the hotel room with her girlfriends, but she met some guy there and hooked up. But doesn't remember anything, but she then tells me the guy called her and told her that it's his baby. So now I have a wife who was pregnant, me thinking the entire time it's mine and now it's not. I love my wife, she is willing to work it out with me, I am willing to work it out also and forgive her. But how do I go on now with my life knowing this isn't my child, how do I even cope with knowing she betrayed me ? I am so lost, does life even make any sense to me ? I cannot even believe it. Anyone have any help or guidance. I am getting ready to go to a marriage counselor but wanted to hear from people. Any help please.


If you think you can patch this thing up if you find that you didn't father the child, more power to you.
What you have is an opportunity that few guys get in life since you've only been together seven years you can split and start your life over without any baggage to lug around that doesn't want to be with you.
Half of all marriages end in the toilet and yours was there two years ago.
Good luck


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

river rat said:


> Get the paternity test and see an attorney ASAP. Depending on what state you're in, you may or may not be liable for support of a child that is not biologically yours. Find out what your rights are.


That's ridiculous. If there is a state (s) where a man is forced to not only be cuckold, but pay to raise some other guys child, then ANY clear thinking man would move himself ELSEWHERE and let the idiot judge pay the support.


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## tokn (Sep 9, 2011)

hookares said:


> That's ridiculous. If there is a state (s) where a man is forced to not only be cuckold, but pay to raise some other guys child, then ANY clear thinking man would move himself ELSEWHERE and let the idiot judge pay the support.


no doubt, such a law would be beyond absurd, but wouldn't surprise me if it actually exists.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

In many states whoever the woman is married to at the time she gives birth is regarded as the father of the child...period. Paternity be damned. The only avenue a jilted husband has is to sue the OM for child support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> In many states whoever the woman is married to at the time she gives birth is regarded as the father of the child...period. Paternity be damned. The only avenue a jilted husband has is to sue the OM for child support.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's disgusting


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Any update OP?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Complexity said:


> That's disgusting


That's the law here in Arizona. I had a friend who's wife got knocked up by his own cousin. He is raising the boy as his own and gets $400 CP a month from the cousin, but it took a year long lawsuit and about $4,000 in lawyers fees to get it. So it will take him 100 months just to recoup the money he spent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

bandit.45 said:


> In many states whoever the woman is married to at the time she gives birth is regarded as the father of the child...period. Paternity be damned. The only avenue a jilted husband has is to sue the OM for child support.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, whoever puts their name on the birth certificate at time of birth, and it usually is the husband because who would suspect it's not their kid. Unless you're both one race and the kid comes out mixed then you know you're in trouble.

Once the baby is born, the nurse is in your face asking you to sign and print that you're the father on the birth certificate.

I guess if you have doubts you could always just make a scene and say I'm not sure if I'm the father and we'll get back to you. I'm pretty sure that'll go over nicely with the wife after she just pushed a baby through her.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> That's the law here in Arizona. I had a friend who's wife got knocked up by his own cousin. He is raising the boy as his own and gets $400 CP a month from the cousin, but it took a year long lawsuit and about $4,000 in lawyers fees to get it. So it will take him 100 months just to recoup the money he spent.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How do people allow these archaic laws to pass :scratchhead: It's not even logical let alone moral. You're essentially punishing the faithful spouse, these men are not going to love those kids. How these women sleep at night is beyond me.


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## tokn (Sep 9, 2011)

Complexity said:


> How do people allow these archaic laws to pass :scratchhead: It's not even logical let alone moral. You're essentially punishing the faithful spouse, these men are not going to love those kids. How these women sleep at night is beyond me.


That's why it would be hard for me to ever marry again. Because of this crap like this, and everything else in a marriage that is stacked against the H.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

That is why pro-fathers/husbands legal reform is starting to take off in many states. Fathers and husbands UNITE!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Bandit.45........former JAG, now in family law practice, please becareful when you give "legal advice."

1. In all states the husband is the presumtive father.
2. The 'husband' can contest paternity in all states but the 'window' of opportunity varies from state to state....none exceed 3 years......so many variables.
3. A husband who contest paternity and "wins" can still remain married to the bio mother, be step-dad, and mother can pursue 'child support' (rare).

In all states the courts look to the best interest of the child which supercedes the rights of the adults and in some cases even supercedes basic fairness and common sense. 

Reforms have to happen.....I know of a cases where the ex-husband (non-bio) father is paying child support to the bio father (affair partner) who is now married to ex-WW who is in jail. This non-bio father found learned that he was not the bio-father until after the divorce....too late to take legal action per the courts.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Complexity said:


> How do people allow these archaic laws to pass :scratchhead: It's not even logical let alone moral. You're essentially punishing the faithful spouse, these men are not going to love those kids. How these women sleep at night is beyond me.


This law has been on the books in AZ since 1910. Back then most women kept their skirts down and it wasn't an issue. The idea being that that State's primary goal was preservation of the family unit and financial support and welfare of the children, regardless of the paternity of the kids.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

calif_hope said:


> Bandit.45........former JAG, now in family law practice, please becareful when you give "legal advice."
> 
> 1. In all states the husband is the presumtive father.
> 2. The 'husband' can contest paternity in all states but the 'window' of opportunity varies from state to state....none exceed 3 years......so many variables.
> ...


All I can say is this did not come up in my cousin's case. California and Arizona are different in many, many ways as you know. (Thank God)


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Probably everyone else is right, but I have to say that the entire story sounds made up--like there was no OM and no ONS, and she just wants to take the baby and not let the OP have any say in the child's life. Either way, he needs to get the paternity testing done ASAP to find out about the child's status.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

tokn said:


> That's why it would be hard for me to ever marry again. Because of this crap like this, and everything else in a marriage that is stacked against the H.


It's what makes me a confirmed single guy. I'd sooner stick a gun in my mouth than tie the knot again.
As far as Arizona goes, it's just as easy to move far away from there as any place else.
I think the reason the the idiot parasites who make the rules insist on these archaic laws is to help finance the kids where one guy will knock up twenty or more women and never pay a dime for support to raise them.
I guess they are too stupid to consider emasculation for the deadbeats.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

calif_hope said:


> Bandit.45........former JAG, now in family law practice, please becareful when you give "legal advice."
> 
> 1. In all states the husband is the presumtive father.
> 2. The 'husband' can contest paternity in all states but the 'window' of opportunity varies from state to state....none exceed 3 years......so many variables.
> ...


He can speak for himself, but I don't think Bandit45 was suggesting his was "legal" advice but rather his opinion as to how things "should be".
Personally, I go out of my way to avoid ANY people in the "legal profession" since the guy I paid was just one more hand in my pocket and no different than the judge who got the final shot.
At least I was able to give up the house that was paid for so that I never had to pay any alimony. Her kids were already of age so I didn't have to pay support, but did finish paying for their education since they had no choice in how they were conceived.
(never heard any thanks for that, either)
It's all good, now.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Complexity said:


> How do people allow these archaic laws to pass :scratchhead: It's not even logical let alone moral. You're essentially punishing the faithful spouse, these men are not going to love those kids. How these women sleep at night is beyond me.


Easy - they point out that the alternative is having public money spent on raising the kid, so it's easy for the state to turn around and point to the dumb husband and say it's his problem not theirs.

But they should have a way for the husband to prove it's not his and have the cheating wife be solely responsible for it.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Best option for men is to sperm bank our semen and have a vasectomy. This way if you get married, your wife won't be able to surprise you with a pregnancy caused by another man (being facetious of course).


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

warlock07 said:


> She is having a long term affair with this guy. It was not a one time thing.


Game, set, match.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Complexity said:


> How do people allow these archaic laws to pass :scratchhead: It's not even logical let alone moral. You're essentially punishing the faithful spouse, these men are not going to love those kids. How these women sleep at night is beyond me.


You're dealing with the legal system, which often is just a parody of justice. If there are any lawyers out there, I hope I haven't offended you. Actually, not.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: The singles of TAM*



unsure78 said:


> ...though us women do pretty much analyze EVERYTHING..


Sometimes y'all need to not to. . No Wonder so many men play dumb and are actually being smart by never opening their mouths.


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