# In a dark place.



## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

Advice please, anybody. 

Here's the scenario:

My husband and I have been together for almost five years, married almost four. We have his son from his previous marriage, my daughter, our son, and a recently acquired foster son. Ages 13, 5, 3 and 2 respectively. He has a great paying job, money isnt an issue. I stay home with the babies and tend to the house, so domestically there's not a whole lot of issues. 

When we were first together, the sex was amazing. Making out was amazing. Being physical period was great, and frequent. 

With my pregnancy with our son is when things started slowing down. Nothing drastic, we went from six nights a week to four or five. Then it turned into three or four, then two or three until it was finally just once a week. 

This really hurt me. I was an emotional, rejected mess. The only thing that varied from night to night was his excuse for not being intimate. When I'd ask why he wouldn't try to have sex with me he'd say he wanted me to initiate it sometimes, and when I tried that he told me I think about sex too much. Gradually I stopped trying. 

Fast forward a few years: he has a great job, three of the four kids are in school, we're in the process of buying a house, and if you didn't know me you'd swear things were great. Behind closed doors, we only kiss goodbye, we never hold hands, we don't cuddle in bed because we sleep on opposite ends of the couch (a habit I picked up from him working night shift) we barely talk, and its never about anything important. We have sex maybe twice a month, never when I want it, just him, because I've completely given up on trying because I get turned down. 

The worst part of all of this is I just don't care anymore. I don't feel lonely, it doesn't bother me when he works extra shifts, I prefer when he's at work so I don't have to be home and not talk to him all night. Its like I have a room mate. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him because I don't hate him. He's a good man and a good father. Honestly I doubt he would even see this coming. But I would rather be alone than live with him and feel alone. 

Any suggestions?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Did you husband want to have another kid when you got pregnant?

What does he say the problem is?

If he started wanting to have sex with you, would you stay?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

MrsHousewife said:


> Advice please, anybody.
> 
> 
> 
> Any suggestions?


Married 44 years to same woman. Been there, done that.

Get the book by MW Davis the sex starved marriage and study it. "Get a life." It is a defined term where you start taking responsibility for your happiness as opposed to being co-dependent and where you start to change yourself to a better more fascinating person. You can start exercising with some of your kids, sign up for a 5 k or 1 mile fun run for charity and go walking/jogging with some of your kids while maybe putting the youngest in a jogging stroller. 

Since you have older kids and money isn't a problem you can either arrange an occasional babysitter or child care situation so you can do things for yourself and even now and then include your husband.

Also, tell him that you love him to pieces, but that you feel that the two of your are emotionally drifting apart. Tell him that like a car, marriages need a tune-up every now and then and that you would like the two of you to go to a marriage counselor, not because your marriage is broken, but because you miss the old Chevy Stingray acceleration the two of you use to have. You think that the two of you deserve to be firing on all cylinders and you want to be a great role model for your kids as to what marriage is all about.

Good luck to you. You are catching this early enough to deal with.


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

I know exactly how you feel, except, I'm a male. Been there done that.

Sounds like you need to be the one to do the 180. Just about everyone here is going to tell you "DIVORCE him". That really isn't what you want I don't think.

You can't change him, but you can, and should, change you. Get his attention. Just do bare minimum "household (sahm) chores", ignore him completely. I wouldn't even talk to him, unless I absolutely had to. The only thing I'd give him would be a cold shoulder, at the most.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Has he been to the doctor to have his T-levels checked? Sounds like he works a lot. Perhaps he is exhausted - and that contributes to the problem. Do the two of you spend any time alone doing fun things?


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Check out Husbandof2's post Dealing with rejection....It is a male with an almost identical situation....Sorry I can offer no solution....I am also in the same boat....


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

Yes, we both made the joint decision to have a baby and are very happy with the results. 

He has many reasons for not being intimate: 
His back is bothering him.
He's too tired. 
His head hurts. 
He's in a bad mood. 
His mom passed three years ago, that's been a big one every so often. 

You're right, I dont want a divorce. But the lack of sex isn't the only thing that needs to change. I can't stay in this relationship if there's no relationship or communication. 

The low T thing was a biggie. He's actually been taking the injections for nine months now and is at an above normal level, which was the goal. I'm always hearing about how great he feels and how energized, but none of that shows in the bedroom. 

I like the idea about giving him a cold shoulder, but I don't think it would get his attention. Half the time I doubt he'd notice if I up and left for good, but that may just be me throwing myself a pity party. 

I agree with needing to make changes for myself. I quit smoking recently, and I've noticed that I've begun to lose weight. I had been working out daily but I was in a bad wreck so that kind of halted that for a while. But Ill give it a go, maybe he'd notice if he thought he wasn't the center of my universe for once.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

What do you think his issue with you is? Is it attraction? Resentment? Is there someone else?

It's no longer hormonal...


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You quite smoking! Good for you.

Does he?


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

He does still smoke, yes. Which I'm sure doesn't help him feel too great, god knows I feel a lot better since quitting so I must have felt bad myself. 

He doesn't act like he's attracted to me. I mean, I'm not the sexiest piece on the planet but I'm not a Barker either I guess. But I'm trying to improve my overall appearance for my own sake all the same. 

I'm not sure what he would have to resent. I've literally stayed home and cared for his kids/house/his needs for four years. He hasnt had to lift a finger outside of work. 

There's nobody else. He's not that kind of man,of that I'm certain. That's actually the one thing I've never ever questioned.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

He sounds like a women. I feel for you


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

Woodchuck said:


> Check out Husbandof2's post Dealing with rejection....It is a male with an almost identical situation....Sorry I can offer no solution....I am also in the same boat....


^that thread has been going on today and has some great ideas. It's a man in the thread, but a lot of the advice can be translated.

Thought i'd say hi, i have similar problems


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Jump his bones and don't take no for an answer.


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

That doesn't work when the answer is always no. Believe me, I've tried. I'd have better luck picking up Thor's hammer.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MrsHousewife said:


> He does still smoke, yes. Which I'm sure doesn't help him feel too great, god knows I feel a lot better since quitting so I must have felt bad myself.
> 
> He doesn't act like he's attracted to me. I mean, I'm not the sexiest piece on the planet but I'm not a Barker either I guess. But I'm trying to improve my overall appearance for my own sake all the same.
> 
> ...


Well, that's a great start, actually!

I'd sit him down and say something like the following:

"Husband, I love you and really want this to work. I'm a woman who has needs, and some of those needs are sexual. I don't feel like you're attracted to me, I don't feel like you value our sex life. Putting aside all the day to day excuses, you don't seem to want a sexual relationship with me. For me, marriage includes sex. Does it for you?"

And see what he says. Just bypass all the BS day to day excuses and see if he can get to the root of it.

He may be low desire. He may resent you for something you're not aware of. Hell, he may be afraid of your sexuality, or exhausted, or have ED or something.

You gotta bring it to light.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

TAM needs to incorporate a site called TAD....Talk about dating....And then charge $50 a head to hook up sexless men and women from the TAM site......>


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You need to get his attention!!!! Maybe a 2x4 across the forehead??? Men can be dumb about things like this.

I wouldn't be surprised if he thought things were great.

Do it now before it gets worse!!!


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

Oh yeah, he thinks things are awesome. When I say "honey we need to have more sex" he brushes it off like I'm saying "honey, you left your socks on the floor".


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MrsHousewife said:


> Oh yeah, he thinks things are awesome. When I say "honey we need to have more sex" he brushes it off like I'm saying "honey, you left your socks on the floor".


That's why you sit him down and don't let him get off the hook easy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

MrsHousewife said:


> That doesn't work when the answer is always no. Believe me, I've tried. I'd have better luck picking up Thor's hammer.


Oh wow! This would always work with my XH. He worked a lot too. His sex drive was about once a week...mostly Friday nights :frown2: It was not as often as I would want and most certainly not spontaneous and very ritualistic as in step one we do this, step 2: this, step 3: then this...you get the picture...I was WTF? That is not the way it was before we had our DD. 

I punished him the first time he rejected me by giving him the cold shoulder and not being lovey dovey like a freaking puppy dog. It was a long time... (like 3 or 4 months..B.O.B. helped me through the dry spell) he finally noticed and we talked. He was being lazy, and thought that he didn't have to work to keep me happy! I never got rejected again in the 21 years we were married and sex bumped up to 2 or 3 times a week and spontaneous. My X was OCD, he liked rituals; I didn't. He always had a list or a plan for everything he did. When he brought it to our lovemaking, that is where I set my foot down and it was HELL NOOOOOO!

This all started when we had a kid. Maybe your husband is the same way. Did things change after your had your child?

Bibi


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

For a while of course, at first. But my son was a very good baby, slept in his own room, asleep at nine, up at seven, like clockwork. Having our boy truly wasn't your standard sleep deprived stressful new baby issues that you see and expect most instances. The sex truly started slacking off when I was pregnant, I made the mistake of saying "ow" once during sex and he got it in his head that he was hurting me and so he was nervous about sex while I was pregnant after that. So that was the first excuse. Then came money issues, so the promotion sorted that out. Then his back hurt. So he lost weight. His mom passed. Three years later and that's honestly turned into a crutch. It sounds cruel to say but its almost as if he says that to get out of any responsibility he may have. "I can't take the kids to school because my mom died", and the sort. Then I decided it must be low T and he got checked out and that was the case. Well that's sorted out now, fine as frog hair, and still no luck. I honestly think he just got super lazy and doesn't think he needs to work to keep me around.


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## 2ndchanceGuy (Sep 28, 2015)

OP you need marriage counseling ASAP and a check up at the Dr. for your H with full labs.
It could be low T, thyroid, early Diabetes etc.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I think he is is LD coupled with being lazy too. He has the wife, the kids, the house, the money, etc all sealed signed and delivered. 
You need to wake him up, do the 180 on him, do the bare minimum for him around the house, do things for yourself, such as being out with kids at a friend's house when he comes home (dinner in oven). If he brings up your lack of connection, then tell him point blank, you have no interest in me, then I must occupy my time elsewhere.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MrsHousewife said:


> For a while of course, at first. But my son was a very good baby, slept in his own room, asleep at nine, up at seven, like clockwork. Having our boy truly wasn't your standard sleep deprived stressful new baby issues that you see and expect most instances. The sex truly started slacking off when I was pregnant, I made the mistake of saying "ow" once during sex and he got it in his head that he was hurting me and so he was nervous about sex while I was pregnant after that. So that was the first excuse. Then came money issues, so the promotion sorted that out. Then his back hurt. So he lost weight. His mom passed. Three years later and that's honestly turned into a crutch. It sounds cruel to say but its almost as if he says that to get out of any responsibility he may have. "I can't take the kids to school because my mom died", and the sort. Then I decided it must be low T and he got checked out and that was the case. Well that's sorted out now, fine as frog hair, and still no luck. I honestly think he just got super lazy and doesn't think he needs to work to keep me around.


Then it's time for a different talk. 

That goes something like "you have 3 options. Divorce, step up, our accept me having sex with someone on the side."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Ps. 

It's funny how much I see ld and laziness go hand in hand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> Jump his bones and don't take no for an answer.


Imagine if the OP was a man and the spouse was a woman and you posted this...


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

MrsHousewife said:


> Yes, we both made the joint decision to have a baby and are very happy with the results.
> 
> He has many reasons for not being intimate:
> His back is bothering him.
> ...


It took almost a full year to get my wife's attention.
Hell, when I broke my wrist in January, I wouldn't even tell her when or where the surgery was going to be. She "pressed" hard for information, but I flat out ignored her. I had my brother take me. She finally woke up & wanted to talk.
That's been 5 months ago. It's almost been like a honeymoon since.:smile2:


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

Tried to have a discussion with him this morning. I told him that I didn't feel loved, or needed, or like anything more than a room mate or maid or something. He just said he felt numb from working so much. He said all he ever did was work and sleep and it made him not feel. 

I told him that this wasn't a good path to be on and that we couldn't continue on like this and expect our marriage to work. He said he didn't want a divorce but didn't know what to do to help fix the issue.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MrsHousewife said:


> Tried to have a discussion with him this morning. I told him that I didn't feel loved, or needed, or like anything more than a room mate or maid or something. He just said he felt numb from working so much. He said all he ever did was work and sleep and it made him not feel.
> 
> I told him that this wasn't a good path to be on and that we couldn't continue on like this and expect our marriage to work. He said he didn't want a divorce but didn't know what to do to help fix the issue.


Ok. Very good job on this conversation!

Now is the time to be very intentional, very clear, and very simple.

What _exactly_ is it that you want him to do?

No 'kinda sortas.' No 'read my minds.' No hand waving whatsoever.

What clear _actions_ do you want him to make with what _frequency_ to make things better for you?

Is it "initiate sex with me twice a week by kissing me passionately and taking my clothes off?"

Is it "hold my hand while we walk through the mall so everybody knows we're together?"

Is it "bring me flowers once a week?"

Make it simple, clear, crisp, and I would make no more than one ask to start with.

And then make it unambigious what him doing that will mean to you, so it's not checking something off the to-do list like putting winter tires on the car.

"husband, if you did this for me, you'd make me very happy, feel very loved, and I'd be happy to help make you feel that way. How can I do that?"


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MrsHousewife said:


> Advice please, anybody.
> 
> Here's the scenario:
> 
> ...


Married 21 years. Been there and done that as well. Got a t-shirt also. I always thought I was doing the right things. Good provider and dad. That is all there is right? Wrong, need to address a third roll and it is the most important of all. Taking care of my W needs. My 2 dimensional life went on for years. My W always talked to me about it and adding the 3rd dimension that was missing. Not until I came to this sit and began reading did I see a recurring theme. That theme is lack of putting your SO first and attending to their needs can lead to a lot of trouble. I suspect your H is not really aware he is bungling in this area. Explain to your H your needs and what is missing. Hopefully he will come around and realize that without you...none of what he has would have been accomplished.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MrsHousewife said:


> Yes, we both made the joint decision to have a baby and are very happy with the results.
> 
> He has many reasons for not being intimate:
> His back is bothering him. Don't always need a good back for great sex.
> ...


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Marc878 said:


> You need to get his attention!!!! Maybe a 2x4 across the forehead??? Men can be dumb about things like this.
> 
> I wouldn't be surprised if he thought things were great.
> 
> Do it now before it gets worse!!!


Exactly how my marriage was. I thought all was great. Finance and good dad. Romance? Who has time for that? Busy working and playing with kids. Wrong....W comes first. Happy H and W have happy kids that follow. Always make each other first.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MrsHousewife said:


> Oh yeah, he thinks things are awesome. When I say "honey we need to have more sex" he brushes it off like I'm saying "honey, you left your socks on the floor".


You need to sit him down. No kids, phones to interrupt. Then lay it on the line. You feel like a room mate. Self esteem is taking a hit. Rejection constantly has/is taking it toll. Explain it to him for a month of Sunday's. If your H still does not get it he will when you prepare to separate. Sometimes you need to be willing to lose the marriage to save it.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

I would think twice about buying a house. Makes it harder to leave if that's what you end up doing. I would see if the situation could be improved first. 

Living with my STBX while the house is on the (bad) market sucks. Big time.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MrsHousewife said:


> Tried to have a discussion with him this morning. I told him that I didn't feel loved, or needed, or like anything more than a room mate or maid or something. He just said he felt numb from working so much. He said all he ever did was work and sleep and it made him not feel.
> 
> I told him that this wasn't a good path to be on and that we couldn't continue on like this and expect our marriage to work. He said he didn't want a divorce but didn't know what to do to help fix the issue.


Good start. However, work and sleep made him not feel? No, that is were he felt expending his energies worked best for him. Makes him a great dad and provider. The rest of it follows right? How to fix this? Put your W first before work, sleep and kids. That simple. Do you spend 16 hours a week together?

I think this is repairable. Your H has to understand a few things:

1. You are someone to be respected and cherished as you kept at it making the marriage work.
2. If it was not for you being a SAHM and keeping the home he would not have what he has.
3. At the end of the day when the smoke clears you will be standing there with him no matter what. 

Fulfilling a simple request that should come naturally anyway is not out of the question. Sex is a big part of marriage.


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

Honestly I just want some companionship. I want to feel confident enough that if I walked up to him and started touching him, he wouldn't pull away or say something to intentionally make me feel like I should stop what I'm doing. 

It is so messed up that I'm too scared of being rejected by my husband that I won't even touch him. 

I don't feel like I'm asking a lot. I want him to kiss me sometimes without me asking him. Or hold my hand. Or touch me at all really.


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

No, not sixteen, no way. For instance, this was supposed to be his short week (two days one week and five the next). Well, this week, in addition to his regular two days he took two OT days before and after, and he just worked all weekend so from this past Friday to this coming Friday yesterday is his only day off. Of course most of that was spent sleeping after work all night. We went out to eat last night because he missed dinner and the whole time there he watched football on the TV. He doesn't even like football.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Many women I believe are oblivious to their own martyr complexes. You think you want something but you say and act that you don't. It's like a weird manifestation of teenage fairy tale love - you want to be pursued but you're of an age where it's just passive aggressive. Look even if I could telepathically read your mind, I wouldn't because it's not my job to ensure you feel good about feeling good about yourself in spite of yourself. Sex is a strong indicator of that. You think to yourself you'd like love and sex and all that good stuff as long as you can also feel bitter and sad and angry that it's not precisely the way you like it. 

Maybe robots are the future of sex.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Try going to a strip club with him. That helped me and the wife.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MrsHousewife said:


> Honestly I just want some companionship. I want to feel confident enough that if I walked up to him and started touching him, he wouldn't pull away or say something to intentionally make me feel like I should stop what I'm doing.
> 
> It is so messed up that I'm too scared of being rejected by my husband that I won't even touch him.
> 
> I don't feel like I'm asking a lot. I want him to kiss me sometimes without me asking him. Or hold my hand. Or touch me at all really.


It is not messed up at all. No sh!t...just today my W text me(we were discussing our daughters boyfriend problem) "I know, I couldn't imagine if you didn't show me affection. That would drive me crazy. It almost did in the past. I love it now that you never stop me when I want to kiss your or when I ask you to dance with me, you do. And I love it!" I rejected my W for years like your H is doing to you. My W will tell you she spent a few nights crying in the bathroom after I rejected and went to sleep. When she told me this my heart sank like a rock. What a heal I was and for not doing something so simple as showing affection to the one person that truly loves me. Just dumb of me. 

You see, it took me a long time to see what I was messing up. I was cruising along like a room mate. All was good. But, once I realized what a wonderful person my W is and the years of sticking with it that she really does care for me. That meant the world to me. It changed our entire marriage. 

I hope you can get there with your H. I hope your H wakes up and realizes that you are the genuine article. Your H should respect and cherish you for it.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MrsHousewife said:


> Honestly I just want some companionship. I want to feel confident enough that if I walked up to him and started touching him, he wouldn't pull away or say something to intentionally make me feel like I should stop what I'm doing.
> 
> It is so messed up that I'm too scared of being rejected by my husband that I won't even touch him.
> 
> I don't feel like I'm asking a lot. I want him to kiss me sometimes without me asking him. Or hold my hand. Or touch me at all really.


Pick one thing. 

Be clear what you want, how often you want it, and what it means to you. 

You're being ambiguous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Runs like Dog said:


> Many women I believe are oblivious to their own martyr complexes. You think you want something but you say and act that you don't. It's like a weird manifestation of teenage fairy tale love - you want to be pursued but you're of an age where it's just passive aggressive. Look even if I could telepathically read your mind, I wouldn't because it's not my job to ensure you feel good about feeling good about yourself in spite of yourself. Sex is a strong indicator of that. You think to yourself you'd like love and sex and all that good stuff as long as you can also feel bitter and sad and angry that it's not precisely the way you like it.
> 
> Maybe robots are the future of sex.


It is called the self-fulfilling prophecy.


Robots(dildos) are here already and providing sexual relief. Love and affection? Not so much.


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

Runs like Dog said:


> Many women I believe are oblivious to their own martyr complexes. You think you want something but you say and act that you don't. It's like a weird manifestation of teenage fairy tale love - you want to be pursued but you're of an age where it's just passive aggressive. Look even if I could telepathically read your mind, I wouldn't because it's not my job to ensure you feel good about feeling good about yourself in spite of yourself. Sex is a strong indicator of that. You think to yourself you'd like love and sex and all that good stuff as long as you can also feel bitter and sad and angry that it's not precisely the way you like it.
> 
> Maybe robots are the future of sex.



You wouldn't want to read my mind but you want to tell me how I feel? I never "act" like I don't want affection from my husband. I'm not martyred by my husband's actions, but I am discouraged by them, and as a woman that has devoted the last several years to making this man feel wanted and needed and those feelings haven't been returned, I have that right. I didn't take my wedding vows lightly and he said those same vows. If I hold up my end he should as well. I can't sit here and say I've handled every situation involving this like a graceful woman, but when I can sit him down and tell him this is what I need from him and he chooses not to meet me halfway, I can safely say that I haven't expected him to "read my mind".


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

marduk said:


> MrsHousewife said:
> 
> 
> > Honestly I just want some companionship. I want to feel confident enough that if I walked up to him and started touching him, he wouldn't pull away or say something to intentionally make me feel like I should stop what I'm doing.
> ...



Any time I tell him what I want/when I want it (in terms of sex or intimacy) he says "why does everything have to be scheduled"? It's kinda like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MrsHousewife said:


> Any time I tell him what I want/when I want it (in terms of sex or intimacy) he says "why does everything have to be scheduled"? It's kinda like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.


Simple answer. 

It has to be scheduled because you need it and you're not getting it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

marduk said:


> Simple answer.
> 
> It has to be scheduled because you need it and you're not getting it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Beautiful.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

MrsHousewife said:


> I can sit him down and tell him this is what I need from him and he chooses not to meet me halfway, I can safely say that I haven't expected him to "read my mind".


It's the basic "How to Serve Man" dilemma. The words make sense but not the meaning of them.


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

Runs like Dog said:


> MrsHousewife said:
> 
> 
> > I can sit him down and tell him this is what I need from him and he chooses not to meet me halfway, I can safely say that I haven't expected him to "read my mind".
> ...


Elaborate, please.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

marduk said:


> Simple answer.
> 
> It has to be scheduled because you need it and you're not getting it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Printing and framing.

This is one of those answers that slaps you right across the stupid face.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

flyer said:


> It took almost a full year to get my wife's attention.
> Hell, when I broke my wrist in January, I wouldn't even tell her when or where the surgery was going to be. She "pressed" hard for information, but I flat out ignored her. I had my brother take me. She finally woke up & wanted to talk.
> That's been 5 months ago. It's almost been like a honeymoon since.:smile2:


Dang a WHOLE year :surprise:

Bless your heart. I was desperate at 4 months!

Bibi


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Yeswecan said:


> Robots(dildos) are here already and providing sexual relief. Love and affection? Not so much.


Thank gawd for them robo Dildo$! Yup, no love, affection, or intimacy; too robotic. Just like porn...it sucks!

@MrsHousewife
*I don't feel like I'm asking a lot. I want him to kiss me sometimes without me asking him. Or hold my hand. Or touch me at all really. *

Oh honey, you gotta pick your battles. Your man is clueless just like my XH. Communicate your needs and go for them yourself because if you are going to wait for him to be spontaneously romantic, you better have the patience of Job and wait sitting down. The goal is to be sexually fulfilled when you need to be. Once you get him not to reject you, you will turn him on. Believe me, he will get turned on.

My X was an excellent provider. He loved his kids. He did almost all the cooking and housework. He was just not affectionate once he won me and we married. He thought his job was done. Just like his daddy before him. He was in hog heaven.:grin2:




Bibi


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

Bibi1031 said:


> Dang a WHOLE year :surprise:
> 
> Bless your heart. I was desperate at 4 months!
> 
> Bibi



I do like your tag line though.
I'm a very patient man. I have lots of hobbies to keep me busy. AND has been said, patience is a virtue.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

flyer said:


> I do like your tag line though.
> I'm a very patient man. I have lots of hobbies to keep me busy. AND has been said, patience is a virtue.


:smthumbup:

Great virtue to have indeed!

Bibi


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

I think I'll try that. I'm just going to show him the side of me that doesn't want to cater to his every whim and focus on me and what I need to do to feel/look good. Remind him what he's got.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

MrsHousewife said:


> I think I'll try that. I'm just going to show him the side of me that doesn't want to cater to his every whim and focus on me and what I need to do to feel/look good. Remind him what he's got.


thatta girl!

Go get im tiger...I mean lioness!:smile2:

Bibi


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

MrsHousewife said:


> I think I'll try that. I'm just going to show him the side of me that doesn't want to cater to his every whim and focus on me and what I need to do to feel/look good. Remind him what he's got.



Be very patient though. And don't "melt" at the first tiny bit of affection. Keep telling yourself "he's not even there". You don't want to be mean, just be deaf and blind.....totally. You'll have to communicate to some degree, but just answer any questions in as few words possible, and ask him for ABSOLUTELY nothing. If you need help with something, ask someone else.

What you're doing is showing him, is you really can function without him, (miserably, but don't let him see it) 
Play with the kids, have fun with them, be mom.
It will totally suck doing this, but I guarantee, it will get his attention.
ONLY when he says "we need to talk" should you cave a bit.
Then you can set your "demands", ie stop smoking, mc, etc. Be firm, and don't cave.


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## Saba (Feb 11, 2012)

MrsHousewife said:


> Advice please, anybody.
> 
> Here's the scenario:
> 
> ...


make sure there isn't someone else in the picture that you are oblivious about. Back hurts, too tired? Hmm. The following items will atleast isolate a cheating possibility. After that if no cheating, maybe you need to just try to make things exciting again.He seems to work hard and your main complaint is he does not seem as interested in you as he was before. Marriage is a two way street, each partner needs to work at it daily. Maybe you can inspire him into some new things. Start by focusing on you. Work out, do some volunteer work, train for and eventually run a 5K, have something that you do that will show you are or can be an independent and determined person and not just at home waiting for him to come home.That can get boring pretty quickly after the years go by. As we grow older, men and women alike, prefer to have a 'partner' not a dependent. Someone that creates an over-arching reason to continue being with. What is the over arching reason that makes him still be interested in you other than being the mother of his kids. As we get older love of one another turns to respect of one another for who we are and what we have and are achieving in life. This is solid advice.
Put these 2 things in the car

1. A tracking device to see if he is actually at work and working late. GPS tracking device:
GPS Car (Vehicle)Tracking Devices ? Buy Historical Data Loggers & Real Time Trackers

2. A micro voice recorder. Retrieve it when he returns and see if he calls someone else while on his way to or from work:
Buy Spy/Hidden Recording or Listening Devices Online


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## MrsHousewife (Oct 19, 2015)

I have every confidence that he's not cheating. That's one thing we always said was that we'd divorce before cheating.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

MrsHousewife said:


> I have every confidence that he's not cheating. That's one thing we always said was that we'd divorce before cheating.



I am righter there with you though. I don't think your husband is cheating. 


But don't put your hands in the fire for no one. My X and I used to believe that until he did cheat. You just never know when crisis will hit. As human beings, we are very vulnerable and weak. We can mess up really bad real fast.

Bibi


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## tattoovapor42 (Oct 22, 2015)

That's what I do I ignore my husband for some reason it works then we back talking lovey dovey


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