# Accidentally broke up with gf. Y'all warned me.



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

I moved in with married but separated gf about a year and a half ago.. I gave her roughly half the cost of the mortgage and bills and she never told her husband how much money I was paying. Her husband has been living out of state for over a dozen years now. 

Now the home needs lots of repairs that he doesn't want to spend money on and he wants to sell now. She is fighting it.

So gf went on a vacation to visit friends and family in another state. I was working. I had some crazy impulse to look at an apartment complex near my old place. And ended up putting a deposit down for apartment a few months out. Just in case.

GF always told me living with her was a temporary situation and could move out whenever I wanted. But she freaked out when I told her about the deposit and told me that I was walking out on her like ALL the other men...

So went back to management and see what they had right away. As luck would have it, about resident backed out of an upgrade and as of that morning and a two bedroom was available. I moved in the following day. All while gf was away on vacation. It took about a week from the deposit to when I moved in. Everything fell into place perfectly.

I was thinking of having a large apartment her her as well in case her husband force the sale of their home. I wanted her to move in with me until they sold their home.

However, she's not messaging me at all and unfriended me on FB . I think we broke up and we're over!!!

I think I dodged a huge bullet 

As a bonus. My daughter is in college now living with her mom in another city about a block away from college. She has a weekend job as well very close to my new apartment. So I'll still get to see her. Because she'll be gone before I know it. I don't think we destroyed her life. She's going to be ok.

Life is great


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Glad you and your daughter are doing well!


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

She's sorry you aren't going to still be funding her life, along with her HUSBAND.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

You ''accidentally'' did the right thing. 😊 When things fall into place easily, I feel that's meant to be. Be careful though, she will unblock you, and probably start wondering where you are. Stay strong, and just don't respond, if she does.


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Livvie said:


> She's sorry you aren't going to still be funding her life, along with her HUSBAND.


I think her World is about to come crashing down on her. She travels more than anybody I know. I tried to go with her, but I am self-employed and don't get paid unless I am working. She got mad at me because I didn't want to go to Vegas again. That's her favorite spot.


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

*Deidre* said:


> You ''accidentally'' did the right thing. 😊 When things fall into place easily, I feel that's meant to be. Be careful though, she will unblock you, and probably start wondering where you are. Stay strong, and just don't respond, if she does.


Even the management at the complex said it never happens that fast. I knew I would need my last several business bank statements, I had the phone number from previous apartment, a personal reference from a previous resident, and a blank check. Plus I have great credit. 

It's only been a few nights in my new place and she still has another week until she comes back home to a big old empty house with 30 plus years of clutter. Including her husband's stuff in the spay bedroom. Why it's still there I'll never know. I don't have to think about that anymore.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

_“Nope. Don’t do it.”_

That’s what I — and many others — said at the time. If it’s finally over then you need to let it stay over. And maybe take a long break to figure how all of that happened so nothing like that happens again.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Trickster said:


> Even the management at the complex said it never happens that fast. I knew I would need my last several business bank statements, I had the phone number from previous apartment, a personal reference from a previous resident, and a blank check. Plus I have great credit.
> 
> It's only been a few nights in my new place and she still has another week until she comes back home to a big old empty house with 30 plus years of clutter. Including her husband's stuff in the spay bedroom. Why it's still there I'll never know. I don't have to think about that anymore.


I'm so happy for you. I wonder why she doesn't divorce her husband? He hasn't been around for years, that's just odd. 

Here's to starting your new drama-free life 🥂 😊


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Over a decade and her and her husband have not divorced yet? Do I have that right? And you still moved in with her and paid her and her husband’s mortgage? What’s wrong with you?? You’re out but you have nothing to show for the last 18 months except an ex FB friend. Smarten up!


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)




----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Livvie said:


> She's sorry you aren't going to still be funding her life, along with her HUSBAND.


QFT. Seriously dude, what were you thinking?


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

As a man I have the right to say: Men are stupid.


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Just date available women. And don’t pay their way.
She was using you and now is mad you aren’t paying anymore.
Be glad it’s over!


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

*Deidre* said:


> I'm so happy for you. I wonder why she doesn't divorce her husband? He hasn't been around for years, that's just odd.
> 
> Here's to starting your new drama-free life 🥂 😊


Security. I think that's it.I don't think she is willing to divorce until she had security from another man. For some reason he still pays the bulk of the mortgage and bills. Maybe it's cheaper for him to do that. While she spends the bulk of her income in traveling. And she does travel a lot.


I don't think she sees it as an issue.


----------



## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Trickster said:


> Security. I think that's it.I don't think she is willing to divorce until she had security from another man. For some reason he still pays the bulk of the mortgage and bills. Maybe it's cheaper for him to do that. While she spends the bulk of her income in traveling. And she does travel a lot.
> 
> 
> I don't think she sees it as an issue.


She will see it as an issue when she's having to fend for herself... when that happens, DO NOT let her come back and continue being happy and free.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Works said:


> She will see it as an issue when she's having to fend for herself... when that happens, DO NOT let her come back and continue being happy and free.


Write this down on several sticky notes and place them all over your new place, OP. So, you never forget. 😉


----------



## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Write this down on several sticky notes and place them all over your new place, OP. So, you never forget. 😉


What one allows is what will continue. OP, I can send you a pack of sticky notes, if needed. 🤪😎


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'm curious, what work does she do that she has time to travel so much?

I remember your old thread about moving in with this woman who was too self interested to get a divorce and properly move on independently from that. 

Congrats on your new place and new chapter!!!


----------



## Reluctant Texan (6 mo ago)

Trickster said:


> ..:
> I think I dodged a huge bullet
> 
> ...


You did, congrats!

Side note: frequent travel is objectively awful, absolutely terrible for the planet and environment, and a huge waste of money that few people can actually afford, though many delude themselves into feeling they "deserve it."

when I was doing online dating, I would say 90% of women had "travel" listed as important to them. It's awful. 

The fact that it's common doesn't change any of that.


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

You've been together 3 years and shared a life together.

It would have been nice if you stated your intentions first.

Sort of a slap in the face that I don't see she deserved.


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Livvie said:


> I'm curious, what work does she do that she has time to travel so much?
> 
> I remember your old thread about moving in with this woman who was too self interested to get a divorce and properly move on independently from that.
> 
> Congrats on your new place and new chapter!!!



Just a regular job. They're crazy busy for 6 months out of the year. And they let her take of almost whenever she wants. She doesn't use her income for bills anyway.


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Trident said:


> You've been together 3 years and shared a life together.
> 
> It would have been nice if you stated your intentions first.
> 
> Sort of a slap in the face that I don't see she deserved.



Yes, it was cold. My intention was that it was only a temporary situation to begin with.Thats what she was telling her husband and adult children. I've been talking about moving back to my area for a while now and she told me I could if I wanted and she had no desire to sell. 

Was it a slap in the face? Maybe. Only because it happened while she was gone.


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Trickster said:


> Was it a slap in the face? Maybe. Only because it happened while she was gone.


Yes, you moved out while she was gone. It's a slap in the face. I think that's what I said.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

She's married. The relationship shouldn't have even been going on to begin with. She has no interest in making anything permanent with the OP, otherwise she'd divorce her husband.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She played you and you let it happen. If you don’t want that situation in the future you should focus on correcting whatever allowed you to think that was ever a good idea.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Trident said:


> Yes, you moved out while she was gone. It's a slap in the face. I think that's what I said.


You know what? The woman is married. She's got her husband paying part of her mortgage and her boyfriend paying the other half. I think that's gross and maybe she should get that symbolic slap in the face.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Livvie said:


> You know what? The woman is married. She's got her husband paying part of her mortgage and her boyfriend paying the other half. I think that's gross and maybe she should get that symbolic slap in the face.


Agree. Hope she didn’t lose her ass with the girls in Vegas because her monthly bills just went up.


----------



## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Trickster said:


> I moved in with married but separated gf about a year and a half ago.. I gave her roughly half the cost of the mortgage and bills and she never told her husband how much money I was paying. Her husband has been living out of state for over a dozen years now.
> 
> Now the home needs lots of repairs that he doesn't want to spend money on and he wants to sell now. She is fighting it.
> 
> ...


You dodged a huge bullet.


----------



## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Trickster said:


> Yes, it was cold. My intention was that it was only a temporary situation to begin with.Thats what she was telling her husband and adult children. I've been talking about moving back to my area for a while now and she told me I could if I wanted and she had no desire to sell.
> 
> Was it a slap in the face? Maybe. Only because it happened while she was gone.


I had a gf absolutely flip out when I moved back into my home after I was staying for what we both agreed was a temporary period. She said, I thought you would move in and never leave. It was way over the top. We broke up as well and yes a huge relief. 

Not really a slap in the face. Don't look back.


----------



## Reluctant Texan (6 mo ago)

uwe.blab said:


> I had a gf absolutely flip out when I moved back into my home after I was staying for what we both agreed was a temporary period. She said, I thought you would move in and never leave. It was way over the top. We broke up as well and yes a huge relief.
> 
> Not really a slap in the face. Don't look back.


amen.

sketchy/unclear communications over the mutual living situation is a huge red flag.

if someone can't be up front with their partner and committed over where to live and who is paying for it, they're going to be a lousy partner. I failed to learn that lesson twice and now I'm paying for it.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

So what’s going on now?


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

how does someone 
*Accidentally broke up with gf*


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

frenchpaddy said:


> how does someone
> *Accidentally broke up with gf*


You move in with a married woman whose husband is somewhere else but who might sell the house because it needs a lot of repairs. You pay all the bills while you're living there but get the feeling something isn't right, so on impulse you decide to get your own place and move out all while she's away and you neglect to tell her anything about it. But you don't intend to break up. 

She comes home and gets upset when she finds out her live in boyfriend who was paying half the bills moved out without saying a word, and cuts all contact with him.

He figures they're broken up although that was never his intention and seems surprised she responded the way she did because it was his understanding the situation was temporary.

At least that's what I got from the rather vague and convoluted first post.


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

uwe.blab said:


> I had a gf absolutely flip out when I moved back into my home after I was staying for what we both agreed was a temporary period. She said, I thought you would move in and never leave. It was way over the top. We broke up as well and yes a huge relief.
> 
> Not really a slap in the face. Don't look back.


It's only been a week for me since moving out. She's still on an extended vacation. I can see how she somehow manipulated her husband to continue paying the mortgage all these years. I am looking back and I can see how she was doing the same to me. 

She's still not speaking to me. Maybe it's a sign to end it.


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Trident said:


> You move in with a married woman whose husband is somewhere else but who might sell the house because it needs a lot of repairs. You pay all the bills while you're living there but get the feeling something isn't right, so on impulse you decide to get your own place and move out all while she's away and you neglect to tell her anything about it. But you don't intend to break up.
> 
> She comes home and gets upset when she finds out her live in boyfriend who was paying half the bills moved out without saying a word, and cuts all contact with him.
> 
> ...



Her "husband" pays the bills. The money I give her is used to travel more. And we were talking about me getting an apartment for about a year now. She was even looking at the same apartment complex online before she left on her vacation. The shock for her was that I did it so fast while she was gone.


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

I’m shocked that you’re shocked that she’s shocked.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'm shocked that you are considering staying in a relationship with this person.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Post #12 is the answer


----------



## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Livvie said:


> I'm shocked that you are considering staying in a relationship with this person.


Touche.


----------



## Reluctant Texan (6 mo ago)

you were giving her money she was just using to travel more? 

and she cut contact at the first sign you might slow down the "party bus?" 

yikes. staying with her is nuts. you might as well just set your wallet on fire once a month.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

There are people who use. They look for people willing to be used. Time for you to move on.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Trickster said:


> She's still not speaking to me. Maybe it's a sign to end it.


Maybe she is accidentally breaking up with you?


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

She sounds unavailable for a full, loving, mutually beneficial and balanced relationship. Your xw was unavailable, and a taker too. Details of their unavailability and “taker bias” differ, afaik, but is there a pattern of you accepting less, maybe not feeling you deserve better treatment, not feeling you deserve to get as much out of the relationship as your partner does?


----------



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

PieceOfSky said:


> She sounds unavailable for a full, loving, mutually beneficial and balanced relationship. Your xw was unavailable, and a taker too. Details of their unavailability and “taker bias” differ, afaik, but is there a pattern of you accepting less, maybe not feeling you deserve better treatment, not feeling you deserve to get as much out of the relationship as your partner does?



She wants her husband to make the decision to divorce. But it seems like staying married works in his favor financially. I also don't want to be the one to tell her to divorce her husband to marry me either. I see how she manipulated her husband all these years. I have met him and seems like a good guy. He does care about her well being. 

I don't think she realizes that being married and living in her marital home is a huge obstacle for most men. You are right. I was ok with it because maybe I didn't feel worthy of a real relationship. I'm staying away from O.L.D sites though 

OMG.... I just realized that her husband pretty much just walked away without saying anything. He worked in another state and commuted. Over time, he stopped coming home in weekends and eventually stopped coming home all together. If I would've tried to move out while shev was here, it would've been hell.


----------

