# Anyone else married to a paraplegic?



## PurpleTurtle80

Just wondering if anyone else is married to a paraplegic. I'd love to be able to talk to someone who knows what it's like.

H was in a motorcycle accident in 1994. broke his back. I met him after his accident.


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## Feisty53

No, but I am dealing with TBI, and it sucks


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## RandomDude

I always find it admirable that some women would continue to love a man who is paraplegic... personally if that happened to me I would force my wife to divorce me or have an open marriage because I can't stand the thought of her sticking around.


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## iheartlife

RandomDude said:


> I always find it admirable that some women would continue to love a man who is paraplegic... personally if that happened to me I would force my wife to divorce me or have an open marriage because I can't stand the thought of her sticking around.


Or, you could tell her to sext with her ex, like the OP does (except her husband doesn't know). Doesn't quite have the same ring of nobility, does it?


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## LowLibby

PurpleTurtle80 said:


> Just wondering if anyone else is married to a paraplegic. I'd love to be able to talk to someone who knows what it's like.
> 
> H was in a motorcycle accident in 1994. broke his back. I met him after his accident.


Yes, I am married to a t12 paraplegic. We have been married since 2004, but we've been together since 2000. He had already been in his wheelchair for about 10 years at that point. We are currently having marital problems stemming from sex. If you'd like to chat with me, I would be very happy to oblige. It is difficult to find someone to talk to about this type of situation.


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## SimplyAmorous

RandomDude said:


> I always find it admirable that some women would continue to love a man who is paraplegic... personally if that happened to me I would force my wife to divorce me or have an open marriage because I can't stand the thought of her sticking around.


I find it very admirable also, because honestly, I don't think I could "handle it". I would go into a deep depression -as this is a grieving that the majority couldn't begin to understand, the magnitude of loss. And what this does to the soul of the victim - I can't even imagine. Christopher Reeves was a Saint... so was his wife. 

This is also one of the reasons I would be near terrified if my husband wanted a motorcycle, not worth the risk....my Moms 1st BF died this way. My dad used to hill climb, he was lucky, never had an accident. 

Me & my husband has talked about the "What IF's" of something THIS earth shatteringly tragic coming upon us...... I did a long post on how WE feel...others may judge, but they are not married to us...or know our hearts. My post HERE

I have a hard time judging anyone faced with this coming upon their marriage. I would count it one of the most difficult heart wrenching marital journeys a spouse could face in this life.


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## SimplyAmorous

> *PurpleTurtle80 said*: H was in a motorcycle accident in 1994. broke his back. I met him after his accident.





> *LowLibby said*: Yes, I am married to a t12 paraplegic. We have been married since 2004, but we've been together since 2000. He had already been in his wheelchair for about 10 years at that point. We are currently having marital problems stemming from sex.


In both of your stories....the accident happened before you married. Your husbands were very blessed to once again find love under these circumstances.... this has to be very rare. 

I recall a movie with Jane Fonda -volunteers in a VA hospital - who falls in love with a very angry Paraplegic , I guess they even have a sex scene...he does have the use of his arms. 

 Coming Home: Jane Fonda, Jon Voight ...........Coming Home (1978) trailer - YouTube


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## Coffee Amore

LowLibby said:


> Yes, I am married to a t12 paraplegic. We have been married since 2004, but we've been together since 2000. He had already been in his wheelchair for about 10 years at that point. We are currently having marital problems stemming from sex. If you'd like to chat with me, I would be very happy to oblige. It is difficult to find someone to talk to about this type of situation.


I dont' have personal knowledge of marriage to someone with that disability. However, I've come across a message board for people who is or married to someone who is parplegic. It's Quadriplegic and Paraplegic Spinal Cord Injury Support Forum
They have a relationship board there.


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## SimplyAmorous

Coffee Amore said:


> I dont' have personal knowledge of marriage to someone with that disability. However, I've come across a message board for people who is or married to someone who is parplegic. It's Quadriplegic and Paraplegic Spinal Cord Injury Support Forum
> They have a relationship board there.


These groups could be LIFE SAVERS ....only they can deeply understand what you are really going through, the day to day battles, the small joys of the little things. 

Here is a link that has a list of such forums .... Spinal Cord Injury Forums, Chat, Message Boards & Newsgroups


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## Nallison

I have been married to my husband a t10 sci paraplegic for over 4 years and have been looking to talk with others in similar marriages


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## diwali123

I knew someone who had a friend (seriously) who was a quadriplegic and the guy still got erections and had sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ankh0321

Nallison said:


> I have been married to my husband a t10 sci paraplegic for over 4 years and have been looking to talk with others in similar marriages


Hi, I meet my husband after his accident 3 years ago, he too was in a motorbike accident. We were married late last year (2013), and I’m finding it hard to keep our marriage going and alive. I love him, but I’m fearing that it’s not enough anymore. 
We have also starting with IVF as I dearly want a child, obviously no success as yet.
I’d love to chat to anyone, any advice, and any advice in the bedroom. H is a T4 or T3, he can never remember LOL.


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## chillymorn

It takes more than love itself for any marriage to surive all the trials and tribulations that come along with a normal marriage.

but in the case of disability its compounded 1000X

pardon me if I am being rude and you don't have to answer 

but is it even possible to have sex/intercourse of any sorts ...dose viarga or any of ed meds work?

really tough situation. good bless and good luck!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I came very close to being a quad myself. I broke my neck and had moderate cord compression. I am one very lucky person. I am disabled. I need a wheelchair when going out, I can only walk short distances(a couple hundred feet max) at a time. I also live in daily severe pain that leaves me housebound. This happened 8 years after my marriage and my husband is by my side supporting me.


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## Ankh0321

chillymorn said:


> It takes more than love itself for any marriage to surive all the trials and tribulations that come along with a normal marriage.
> 
> but in the case of disability its compounded 1000X
> 
> pardon me if I am being rude and you don't have to answer
> 
> but is it even possible to have sex/intercourse of any sorts ...dose viarga or any of ed meds work?
> 
> really tough situation. good bless and good luck!


Please don't think you're being rude at all, I'm hoping by chatting like this I might find something to help us have sex. We've never engaged in sexual intercourse, he has never been able to since after the accident. He has tried many of drugs, but they leave him with headaches, dry throat which makes him gag, and unfortunately they didn't do a single thing. I also feel like he is just not interested in trying anymore. Before I had meet my husband my sex drive was very high. I thought I'd be able to cope with the strength of our relationship, but I'm a 33 yr old female who really wants us to have sex with her husband, at least to consummate our marriage.


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## justonelife

PurpleTurtle80 said:


> Just wondering if anyone else is married to a paraplegic. I'd love to be able to talk to someone who knows what it's like.
> 
> H was in a motorcycle accident in 1994. broke his back. I met him after his accident.


My H is not paraplegic but is in a wheelchair and has virtually no use of his legs. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SouthernGrown

*Re: Re: Anyone else married to a paraplegic?*



Feisty53 said:


> No, but I am dealing with TBI, and it sucks


I'm in the same boat! My husband endeared both mild TBI and PTSD from his tour in Iraq almost 6 years ago. It has been hell on earth, a roller coaster of emotions.


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## Bobby5000

Have you looked at Tracey Todd's inspirational blog . She is a paraplegic who speaks and is quite an impressive woman.


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## Ankh0321

No I haven't, do you have quick link to it, I can't seem to find it when I search for Tracey Todd.


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## I Notice The Details

I have a huge appreciation for all of you who share your life and love with others who are paraplegic. I can't imagine all you go thru, but I do have an abundance of empathy and respect for you. God bless you all! That comes from my heart!


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## TBT

Ankh0321 said:


> No I haven't, do you have quick link to it, I can't seem to find it when I search for Tracey Todd.


http://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j...Fi6v_-D7lhY8Ptg&bvm=bv.43287494,d.b2I&cad=rja

Good luck and God bless.


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## abileigh21

My husband is a Para. We have been together for 5 years, married for 2. I was 8 months pregnant when he got in the car accident that disabled him. We too are having marital problems, mainly stemming from his disconnect with out daughter, and role as a father. Do any of you who have responded, also have children?


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## Coffee Amore

abileigh - this discussion is more than year old. Some of those who responded in 2013 may not be active on this forum now. 

You're free to start a new thread for the issues you're facing in your marriage.


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## snerg

Ankh0321 said:


> Please don't think you're being rude at all, I'm hoping by chatting like this I might find something to help us have sex. We've never engaged in sexual intercourse, he has never been able to since after the accident. He has tried many of drugs, but they leave him with headaches, dry throat which makes him gag, and unfortunately they didn't do a single thing. I also feel like he is just not interested in trying anymore. Before I had meet my husband my sex drive was very high. I thought I'd be able to cope with the strength of our relationship, but I'm a 33 yr old female who really wants us to have sex with her husband, at least to consummate our marriage.


Stupid question - have you thought about a Penile Prosthesis?

Basically an inflatable bladder is added to the penis. There is usually a bulb that is left in the scrotum to inflate/deflate the bladder to give/remove an erection.i


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## marriedandlonely

Just a little idea gathered from a mate who is not a quad but has lost the use of the erection due to prostrate removal BUT has found that with an injection into the penis gives him what is needed to perform,I know there are still differences but with a little chat with your doctor you may be able to at least help yourself
I truly admire a lady who takes on this role she must have a HUGE heart


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## Wheelman

LowLibby said:


> Yes, I am married to a t12 paraplegic. We have been married since 2004, but we've been together since 2000. He had already been in his wheelchair for about 10 years at that point. We are currently having marital problems stemming from sex. If you'd like to chat with me, I would be very happy to oblige. It is difficult to find someone to talk to about this type of situation.


I have a physical disablilty I do use a chair at times... I just want to know what a women think when she goes out with a guy that his a condition that no one else has what its like for them. why do women do it they know there is a good chance that they are both going to get a look or a commment


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## Faithful Wife

Wheelman said:


> I have a physical disablilty I do use a chair at times... I just want to know what a women think when she goes out with a guy that his a condition that no one else has what its like for them. why do women do it they know there is a good chance that they are both going to get a look or a commment


My brother has been in a wheelchair for over 20 years now. He has had many girlfriends and dates over the years. The women he dates just get used to the looks from others. I don't notice that anymore when I'm out with him, either. It just is what it is.


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## RandomDude

Faithful Wife said:


> My brother has been in a wheelchair for over 20 years now. He has had many girlfriends and dates over the years. The women he dates just get used to the looks from others. I don't notice that anymore when I'm out with him, either. It just is what it is.


Zombie thread. Funny FW, you're normally good at this lol


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## Faithful Wife

RandomDude said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> 
> My brother has been in a wheelchair for over 20 years now. He has had many girlfriends and dates over the years. The women he dates just get used to the looks from others. I don't notice that anymore when I'm out with him, either. It just is what it is.
> 
> 
> 
> Zombie thread. Funny FW, you're normally good at this lol <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Stick Out Tongue" ></a>
Click to expand...

Yes I knew it was, however because I thought I may be able to help wheelman through relevant experience I responded to him.


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