# help



## navyguy

ok im going to start from the beginning. i already know i ****ed up. i made a mistake. it started a year ago when i was considering to join the navy. i was joining to get myself back on track and prevent myself from going to jail. except when i had joined i told my then soon to be wife that i only joined the reserves. i was scared to tell her that i signed on for active because she told me she would leave me. so while i was in boot i told her that i got activated and would be going to serve 4 years active. which is what i signed up for. anyway we ended up getting married and moving to my perminant duty station. later she found out that i lied to her about what i signed up for. and is really mad at me. i just need some help to save my marriage from falling apart. HOW CAN I GAIN HER TRUST BACK?


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## Honey

You shouldn't have lied to her, dude. No one likes to be lied to. 
Does she want to leave you over joining, or are you afraid she will?
She didn't want to think of her losing you. So some run to another sate or country to try to not go to jail for something, but usually they find them. You can join the navy and don't have to go. Hmm.. :scratchhead:


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## navyguy

i joined as an agreement in court off the records. and i was afraid to tell her that i had joined active out of fear of losing her. this girl means the world to me. i enjoy the navy too. they treat me well im making rank. i dont know i just want her to understand. and trust me.


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## Honey

Yeah, I thought it was a court thing. If she means the world to ya, dude, try to be honest and don't lie to her from now on. So all you had to do is join the reserves, not active, right? I think I would be a be a little pissed off too. Although, I do have the up most respect for those that serve our country.


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## navyguy

what do you think would be the best way to gain some trust back?


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## Honey

Being honest and truthful.

Don't let her catch you telling her a lie again.


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## Blanca

navyguy said:


> i dont know i just want her to understand. and trust me.


If you want to get her trust back, you'll have to put her understanding you on the back burner for awhile. My H did something similar to me. Its a hard thing to go through, for both people.

Basically just take it one day at a time. And dont try to get her to understand why you did it, not yet anyway. I'm sure she doesnt care why you lied. 

Also, for now, switch gears from wanting her to trust you, to wanting her to forgive you. 

Most importantly, let her vent. Dont let her get verbally abusive, or anything like that, but let her emotions run high towards you. Ask her to keep explaining how this made her feel, and sympathize with her. Almost like it was someone else she was complaining about. She doesnt want you to fix it, because she knows you cant. She just needs to vent and know you are sorry.

She needs to know you've had a change of heart, that you wont lie for selfish reasons again, that you'll respect her and not manipulate her into staying with you, or lie and manipulate her again to get what you want. That you love her enough to want her to be happy, even if that means not being with you.


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