# Need Advice



## Georgia (Dec 20, 2008)

Recently my husband has been going out to several work happy hours with some new work friends. it turns out one of the female work friends really liked him. He never told me but I had suspicions that there was something going on. Today, or shal I say yesterday, he kept going downstairs. I went down to see what he was up to and caught him talking on the phone with this girl. I heard him say "Just tell me this is my life" I knew that something was wrong. 

When he saw me he hung up the phone and ran after me. He told me everything. Basically that she likes him and he was talking to her. He didnt know why he decided to talk to her. I truly believe him that it has not gone beyond talking. I saw his text messages back and forth. I am sooo hurt. I don't know who to turn to.

My husband and I have been together for quite a while. We are HS sweethearts. I believe the problem is that he really has only been with me and no one else. But why is that fair for me now? Anyhow, he tells me that he thinks there is something wrong with him and that I should just leave and I deserve better than him.

I truly love my husband and I am in love with him. He seems depressed and down, I want to make this work, how can I save my marriage?HELP


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## RIDivorceLawyer (Dec 20, 2008)

I have been a divorce lawyer in Rhode Island for almost a decade now. My goal has never been to simply get a client when I meet people but to help the person determine if they can save their marriage. I do not know what the content of the text messages are that you feel hurt about. There are many factors that could be affecting your marriage right now and speculating about them is not a good idea. You mention "suspicions" but that information isn't in your posting. That's okay. It is certainly not expected that you place your whole life out here for people to see, even people who wish to help you. 

I believe you can repair your marriage based upon what you have written, but I also believe that this means you both need to go to a very good marriage counselor or therapist as soon as possible and be willing to enter into the sessions by being completely honest with each other and responding to the therapist and to each other with honest answers. I think this should be done as soon as possible.

From my experience, it is not a good sign if your partner will not do this. It demonstrates avoidance and guilt over something that may or may not have occurred or something that may simply be contemplated at this point in time. 

Take action now to save your marriage by seeking the help of a professional who is known or proven to be helpful specifically in couples marriage counseling. Open and honest relationships are the ones that stand the test of time regardless of whether a person has never been with another person or not. Ultimately a relationship involves much more than sexual intimacy. It involves talking and being best friends and being able to put your greatest weaknesses out there for your best friend, lover and confidant to see and share and knowing that you are still safe in doing so.

Many people (men and women) make the mistake of feeling that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence only to find out too late that it is not.

Speak to your spouse and seek the help of a professional marriage counselor. At this point your marriage sounds like the help of a good marriage therapist could put you two back on track again if you act now and do not let the distance and questions grow out of control.

I've seen quite a bit as a Rhode Island divorce lawyer and I believe you have a great chance to save your marriage if you take action to get professional help. Just remember. . . it takes more than one person with love and good intentions to make a good marriage.


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## lostluv (May 12, 2008)

The fact that he hung up and followed you immediately combined with his willness to tell you everything and share the text messages with you speaks volumes. It appears he is truely remorseful and desires to stay in his marriage and commited to you.

He is telling you you should leave him and find someone else most likely due to his feelings of guilt. This could also be the reason for his apparent depression as well.

In order to save your marriage you need to come to grips with your own feelings, suggest that he do the same and then come together to work through this openly with one another. IMO if you can do this your marriage is DEFINATELY repairable. If you need to enlist the assistance of a marriage councelor, by all means do so.


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