# EA possible PA



## smokefire05

My wife of 11 years had a 2 month online EA with a man she met on facebook. Sexting, nude pics, and skype video. I believe they met in person when she went out of town for work, she was only 100 miles from where he lives and she had a waxing before she left. She has never had a waxing before. If it went PA then I'm done, however I can't prove it. She is remorseful, transparent off facebook and has been love bombing me for 4 months now. But this is unknown is driving me crazy. I'm trying to let go of it and stop thinking about it but it is always there on the back of my mind, "did she met him". 

Waxing is a major red flag and she was only 100 miles away from him. If they were sexting all the time for 2 months then how could they pass up the opportunity to meet in person? 
I will never know the truth, if she did she will never voluntarily admit it if she did. She lied about the affair until I had evidence in hand.


----------



## ButtPunch

smokefire05 said:


> My wife of 11 years had a 2 month online EA with a man she met on facebook. Sexting, nude pics, and skype video. I believe they met in person when she went out of town for work, she was only 100 miles from where he lives and she had a waxing before she left. She has never had a waxing before. If it went PA then I'm done, however I can't prove it. She is remorseful, transparent off facebook and has been love bombing me for 4 months now. But this is unknown is driving me crazy. I'm trying to let go of it and stop thinking about it but it is always there on the back of my mind, "did she met him".
> 
> Waxing is a major red flag and she was only 100 miles away from him. If they were sexting all the time for 2 months then how could they pass up the opportunity to meet in person?
> I will never know the truth, if she did she will never voluntarily admit it if she did. She lied about the affair until I had evidence in hand.


She's lying. What pathetic excuse did she come up with for the waxing?

Schedule a polygraph and do not tell her ahead of time.


----------



## Roselyn

smokefire05 said:


> My wife of 11 years had a 2 month online EA with a man she met on facebook. Sexting, nude pics, and skype video. I believe they met in person when she went out of town for work, she was only 100 miles from where he lives and she had a waxing before she left. She has never had a waxing before. If it went PA then I'm done, however I can't prove it. She is remorseful, transparent off facebook and has been love bombing me for 4 months now. But this is unknown is driving me crazy. I'm trying to let go of it and stop thinking about it but it is always there on the back of my mind, "did she met him".
> 
> Waxing is a major red flag and she was only 100 miles away from him. If they were sexting all the time for 2 months then how could they pass up the opportunity to meet in person?
> I will never know the truth, if she did she will never voluntarily admit it if she did. She lied about the affair until I had evidence in hand.


Woman here. Sorry to say to you that your wife is having an affair, she met him, is still having the affair as she has not given you the honest truth. Do not rugsweep. Expose her affair to family members and friends. You'll have the extra eyes and ears. Your wife will trickle truth you as you just caught her. Sorry you are here.


----------



## GusPolinski

smokefire05 said:


> My wife of 11 years had a 2 month online EA with a man she met on facebook. Sexting, nude pics, and skype video. I believe they met in person when she went out of town for work, she was only 100 miles from where he lives and she had a waxing before she left. She has never had a waxing before. If it went PA then I'm done, however I can't prove it. She is remorseful, transparent off facebook and has been love bombing me for 4 months now. But this is unknown is driving me crazy. I'm trying to let go of it and stop thinking about it but it is always there on the back of my mind, "did she met him".
> 
> Waxing is a major red flag and she was only 100 miles away from him. If they were sexting all the time for 2 months then how could they pass up the opportunity to meet in person?
> I will never know the truth, if she did she will never voluntarily admit it if she did. She lied about the affair until I had evidence in hand.


You already know the truth.

Just in case you need to read someone else saying it, though...

She's lying.

Just take that as Gospel and do what needs doing.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

Waxing sucks. It's not something we do for fun. A non-regular waxer wouldn't do it for a business trip.


----------



## Evinrude58

smokefire05 said:


> My wife of 11 years had a 2 month online EA with a man she met on facebook. Sexting, nude pics, and skype video. I believe they met in person when she went out of town for work, she was only 100 miles from where he lives and she had a waxing before she left. She has never had a waxing before. If it went PA then I'm done, however I can't prove it. She is remorseful, transparent off facebook and has been love bombing me for 4 months now. But this is unknown is driving me crazy. I'm trying to let go of it and stop thinking about it but it is always there on the back of my mind, "did she met him".
> 
> Waxing is a major red flag and she was only 100 miles away from him. If they were sexting all the time for 2 months then how could they pass up the opportunity to meet in person?
> I will never know the truth, if she did she will never voluntarily admit it if she did. She lied about the affair until I had evidence in hand.


You've just stated enough facts that at this point, it doesn't matter whether or not they had sex(which they did, of course).

You just need to decide whether you can live with having a cheater for a wife who might (likely) do it again in the future, or do you want to try to build a marriage that you think is "cheaterproof"?
Personally, you and I both know they had sex, and if she won't admit it, that would be a barrier to reconciliation. You're worried about it right now, you'll wonder and worry about it the rest of your life. Even though you know damn well they di You just don't want to believe it.

Why do you care if they had sex after they sexted, sent nude pics to one another, and she was in love with him and lying to you? I do understand, but you need to understand that it really doesn't matter. What you KNOW she did has nuked your marriage.


----------



## TX-SC

Yes, she likely met with him. You could have her take a polygraph. They aren't particularly trustworthy, but it often leads to a confession beforehand. The waxing is a very good sign that she met with him. She has proven to be a liar, don't take her sadness and extra attention to you as a sign that she is now telling the truth. There is ALWAYS more that you don't know.


----------



## Bananapeel

She's not really remorseful if she isn't being completely honest. It's all a ruse to control the damage and not destroy her lifestyle.


----------



## drifting on

Of course she is love bombing you, more sex too, right? Is OM married? If so, schedule a polygraph test, as your wife is taking the polygraph Facebook messenger OM and his wife that your wife just failed a polygraph test. If not married, contact everyone in your and hers families and expose the affair. Oh, by the way, contact a lawyer and her served the day after the polygraph at work with divorce papers. List OM and adultery as the reasons why.


----------



## smokefire05

A few days before the trip she stopped on her way home from work and had the waxing done. She didn't tell me she was going to do this. The night of the waxing in bed we started foreplay, she asked me how I liked they way she felt down there and that is when she told me she had the waxing. I was unaware of the affair at this time. I asked her that night why she had it done and she said it was for me. It seems if it was for me then we would have discussed it beforehand. She has never had that done before, she kept herself trimmed nicely on her own she didn't need a waxing, I liked how she was already trimming herself, I didn't request it. 

I found out about the affair from snooping through her phone. We never locked our phones before they were always unlocked also we were never on our phones all the time. She became glued to her phone and it was locked, I asked her once if I could use her phone and she said no. I asked why not and why do you keep in locked and she said because she doesn't want me reading her emails from her family or her texts from her girlfriends. This was not a legitimate reason, because I never did those things, I never snooped. She got in the shower one morning and forgot to close her facebook on the home PC and found the affair. 

After discovering the affair I started to put 2 and 2 together about the waxing and the trip near her affair partner. The story changed about the waxing from it was for me to because I was going to the hotel pool, and the final story about the waxing was for him on skype only. She said that she only did skype with him they never met in person. I find this very very hard to believe.


----------



## drifting on

smokefire05 said:


> A few days before the trip she stopped on her way home from work and had the waxing done. She didn't tell me she was going to do this. The night of the waxing in bed we started foreplay, she asked me how I liked they way she felt down there and that is when she told me she had the waxing. I was unaware of the affair at this time. I asked her that night why she had it done and she said it was for me. It seems if it was for me then we would have discussed it beforehand. She has never had that done before, she kept herself trimmed nicely on her own she didn't need a waxing, I liked how she was already trimming herself, I didn't request it.
> 
> I found out about the affair from snooping through her phone. We never locked our phones before they were always unlocked also we were never on our phones all the time. She became glued to her phone and it was locked, I asked her once if I could use her phone and she said no. I asked why not and why do you keep in locked and she said because she doesn't want me reading her emails from her family or her texts from her girlfriends. This was not a legitimate reason, because I never did those things, I never snooped. She got in the shower one morning and forgot to close her facebook on the home PC and found the affair.
> 
> After discovering the affair I started to put 2 and 2 together about the waxing and the trip near her affair partner. The story changed about the waxing from it was for me to because I was going to the hotel pool, and the final story about the waxing was for him on skype only. She said that she only did skype with him they never met in person. I find this very very hard to believe.




Read your last sentence again, then think of what Gus said in two words, SHES LYING!! The worst part I see about the waxing? She asked your opinion because she said it was for you, only the real reason was for OM on skype. So basically she got your approval that it was nice BEFORE she showed OM. You should be at your attorneys today.


----------



## ButtPunch

smokefire05 said:


> A few days before the trip she stopped on her way home from work and had the waxing done. She didn't tell me she was going to do this. The night of the waxing in bed we started foreplay, she asked me how I liked they way she felt down there and that is when she told me she had the waxing. I was unaware of the affair at this time. I asked her that night why she had it done and she said it was for me. It seems if it was for me then we would have discussed it beforehand. She has never had that done before, she kept herself trimmed nicely on her own she didn't need a waxing, I liked how she was already trimming herself, I didn't request it.
> 
> I found out about the affair from snooping through her phone. We never locked our phones before they were always unlocked also we were never on our phones all the time. She became glued to her phone and it was locked, I asked her once if I could use her phone and she said no. I asked why not and why do you keep in locked and she said because she doesn't want me reading her emails from her family or her texts from her girlfriends. This was not a legitimate reason, because I never did those things, I never snooped. She got in the shower one morning and forgot to close her facebook on the home PC and found the affair.
> 
> After discovering the affair I started to put 2 and 2 together about the waxing and the trip near her affair partner. The story changed about the waxing from it was for me to because I was going to the hotel pool, and the final story about the waxing was for him on skype only. She said that she only did skype with him they never met in person. I find this very very hard to believe.


I'm sorry you going thru this.

She full on cheated.

I think you need to emotionally try and detach from your wife. 

Do not commit to any form of reconciliation or divorce as your emotions are a mess right now.

Give her a chance to come clean and tell her your marriage depends on it. Tell her if she lies to
you one more time you will be in the lawyers office the next day. If that doesn't work, then surprise 
her with the poly. 

If cheating is a dealbreaker, as it should be, then ignore my advice and just divorce her ass.


----------



## Spicy

Polygraph.


----------



## arbitrator

*Trust me! Waxing is a major sexual modification from the norm, more especially when she has never done it for you! And the fact of the matter is that the vast majority of men, married and unmarried, simply love Brazilians, myself included!

Now let's do the math ~ FB, cell calls, texting, sexting, skyping, deceit, the brand new Brazilian, physical separation from you with work being used as the primary excuse, and being merely only an hour and a half away from "Lover Boy!" I think that you already know the answer! And that answer is often referred to as nothing more than your "gut instinct!"

My intuition is that her new love interest was indeed the ultimate beneficiary of, and ended up being totally and absolutely, both face and scrotum deep, into that sleek, sporty, and most provocative new wax job of hers!

Ergo, PA!

"180" her skanky a$$ and go see a lawyer!*


----------



## smokefire05

Her affair partner is married but he has vanished like a fart in the wind. I tired to find him, his address his wife's name but I've had no luck. I want so badly to tell his wife. My wife is now back to her normal self, phone is unlocked completely transparent but I feel like she is holding back on the complete truth about the work trip. She apologizes nearly daily asks me what she can do to make it up too me ect ect. I think she is afraid to tell me the truth because she knows that I will divorce her if it was PA because I did file for D after I found out about the sexting. I decided to try R but this is unknown about the work trip is driving me crazy. 

My best friend tells me to let it go, it is in the past you can't change it, but he is not in my shoes. He freaks out on his wife if men he doesn't know like his wife's facebook posts, so I know if he was in my shoes all hell would break loose at his house. 

Yeah during her EA she wanted sex all the time, so her affair partner was getting her all worked up.


----------



## straightshooter

Smoke,

You're analyzing too much. Your real decision is if you mean it when you say a PA means you're done, go get an attorney because that's what you need.

She will resemble Casper The Ghost if you demand a polygraph which is the only way you are going to get the truth. Her refusal alone will give you the answer you say you need.

Stop thinking and start acting. She got a waxing before that business trip because her boyfriend wanted her to. Stop fooling yourself.


----------



## Bananapeel

Did you ever run recovery software on her phone to see the deleted text messages? I don't know how far back they can recover them, but it is something you can try.


----------



## TX-SC

Definately get the D started. You can always stop it later if you want to. No need in wasting in limbo when that time could be ticking on your exit clock.


----------



## Graywolf2

She 100% planned on meeting the OM. The meeting might have fallen through for some reason but does that really matter?

The only reason to confirm a PA now is to have a more dramatic reason to give to friends and family as to why you’re getting a divorce (if you ultimately decide that you want one). It will also help you not to second guess yourself.

The suggestion of a poly is good.



smokefire05 said:


> I asked her once if I could use her phone and she said no. I asked why not and why do you keep in locked and she said because she doesn't want me reading her emails from her family or *her texts from her girlfriends*.


Another way is to monitor her methods of communication (VAR, key logger, etc.). Even if she has stopped communicating with the OM (unlikely) she will still be discussing her situation with friends (how to handle you, etc.)

LOOK HERE: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


----------



## GuyInColorado

Recover her deleted texts. Dr Fone is free to view them. Pay only to save them to a file. It will take a few hours to scan. You'll know then.


----------



## badmemory

What about GPS history? Can you track her history - from her car or phone?

May be a long shot if she only went to the hotel, but it couldn't hurt to check.


----------



## drifting on

Any chance there is truth that she didn't want you to read the texts between family and girlfriends? Like maybe they supported and knew of the affair? The more I read on this thread the more questions I see. How many times has she gone on this work trip? How many days? Has her employer verified it is for a week, or two days? 100 miles away, 45 minutes at best she travelled. Did OM stay with her at the hotel and tell his wife he was out of town for work? No travel at all there, well except to roll over on top of her. 

Why are you not having your attorney draw up the papers? 
She skyped him, do you think they didn't meet? Call her employer, find out how long she was gone and say you need it for tax reasons. Her meals are deductible by the way, unsure about condoms though.


----------



## Taxman

Sorry dude, polygraph and get the divorce papers ready, if a physical affair is a deal breaker, and she knows it, you will have to wrench a confession out of her. Then I would go to the town where her ap resides and pound on his door. Let him deal with you on his front porch, while you are telling his wife that he fvcked yours.

Tell your wife thank you for the waxing as it propelled you toward a polygraph and divorce. Screw the love bombing, save it for your next husband, if you can find one. (Men tend to avoid women who have had affairs-I know, I have a SIL, whose past comes back to haunt her, repeatedly. All it takes is a current bf to talk to an xh or xbf-she has difficulty keeping her legs together)


----------



## badmemory

Has she contacted him since you caught her - to tell him not to contact her again? She almost surely has, but more likely she did it to warn him. 

I don't buy that she can't help you identify him and his location. That's BS. You know they talked about where they lived and worked. She's protecting him. 

If she says she hasn't contacted/warned him, then you need to set up a on-line sting, with her assistance, to find him. If she refuses; that prove's she's protecting him and remorseful she is not.


----------



## arbitrator

* @smokefire05 ~ When your W went out of town on this "business trip" of hers, did she happen to stay overnight? If so, did the company pay for a hotel room or did she pay for it herself, turning the receipt in for reimbursement on her expense account?

Also, has she since continued with the waxing regimen? And has your sex life with her picked up any?

FWIW, I'm going somewhere with this!*


----------



## Talker67

What do you mean by waxing? Like was she always like bigfoot down under when around you, then suddenly she is completely hair-free for this business trip? 

Or are you just talking about regular body hair, like the legs?


----------



## ButtPunch

smokefire05 said:


> Her affair partner is married but he has vanished like a fart in the wind. I tired to find him, his address his wife's name but I've had no luck.


Your wife has alerted the other man. He is in panic mode.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

Is he no longer on Facebook or have you been blocked? Your wife could have blocked him on your account too. Check your block list. Though more likely he blocked you. He won't show up in a search. 

Make a quick second account to look if he's still on there.


----------



## smokefire05

Thanks for all the input, I need the nudge, bailing on this marriage is probably the best route. I have work meetings the rest of the day, I will come back and answer y'alls questions later.


----------



## Lostme

Yeah she slept with him, I would no trug sweep this.


----------



## ButtPunch

​


smokefire05 said:


> Thanks for all the input, I need the nudge, bailing on this marriage is probably the best route. I have work meetings the rest of the day, I will come back and answer y'alls questions later.


Remember don't decide anything quickly. Do you have any children?


----------



## GusPolinski

smokefire05 said:


> A few days before the trip she stopped on her way home from work and had the waxing done. She didn't tell me she was going to do this. The night of the waxing in bed we started foreplay, she asked me how I liked they way she felt down there and that is when she told me she had the waxing. I was unaware of the affair at this time. I asked her that night why she had it done and she said it was for me. It seems if it was for me then we would have discussed it beforehand. She has never had that done before, she kept herself trimmed nicely on her own she didn't need a waxing, I liked how she was already trimming herself, I didn't request it.
> 
> I found out about the affair from snooping through her phone. We never locked our phones before they were always unlocked also we were never on our phones all the time. She became glued to her phone and it was locked, I asked her once if I could use her phone and she said no. I asked why not and why do you keep in locked and she said because she doesn't want me reading her emails from her family or her texts from her girlfriends. This was not a legitimate reason, because I never did those things, I never snooped. She got in the shower one morning and forgot to close her facebook on the home PC and found the affair.
> 
> After discovering the affair I started to put 2 and 2 together about the waxing and the trip near her affair partner. The story changed about the waxing from it was for me to because I was going to the hotel pool, and the final story about the waxing was for him on skype only. She said that she only did skype with him they never met in person. I find this very very hard to believe.


That's because it's not believe_able_.

Anyway, has she been sharing passwords to everything?


----------



## Graywolf2

smokefire05 said:


> The story changed about the waxing from it was for me to because I was going to the hotel pool, and *the final story about the waxing was for him on skype *only.


_TOP 10 BENEFITS OF WAXING OVER SHAVING

1.	It lasts longer than shaving because it pulls the hair from the roots.
2.	No cuts or nicks that can leave you with scars, especially if you are like me that has skin susceptible to discoloration even for a minor cut.
3.	Shaving can cause rashes on sensitive skin.
4.	For many, waxing makes the hair grow slower and finer.
5.	Waxing produces smoother results because hair is pulled from the root.
6.	*Shaving can result to stubbles*. If you don't shave often enough, your legs will feel rough and abrasive.
7.	Waxing will make your skin feel smoother longer without feeling itchy, because of slower hair regrowth.
8.	Contrary to popular belief, waxing is not always painful. if you do it right, it is almost pain-free.
9.	Waxing is fast and convenient. Certain products wash away with water.
10.	Skin is less susceptible to irritations associated with shaving. 
_
It would seem that the only benefit of waxing over shaving that would be visible on Skype is #6, no stubble. Can you see the difference on Skype? Is the HD that good?


----------



## Lostinthought61

I don't care what your friend says, you are allowed to be angry and hurt for as long as it takes for you to address this personally and if your friend has a problem with it then he is no friend...as many here have stated a polygraph is in order if you want to keep this marriage, but i would schedule it first and then tell her that day so she can not look up any ways to beat a polygraph.


----------



## Evinrude58

HEres' the thing:

You are really messed up emotionally. All you have concrete evidence of is enough for you to know your wife is s flat out cheater. She waxed herself for the OM. She admits this. She skyped and showed him nude pics. She went out of town and had the waxing done shortly before. The waxing wasn't for sending pics if it was just before out of town. That was obviously done for in person purposes. It's obvious she planned a meeting. I'm sure they just talked, especially after skyping and sending nude pics to one another.

Now, in your messed up state of mind, you are not likely to do the right things.
I wouldn't waste money on the polygraph. She had sex with the guy at the very least on that trip.

I would file for divorce, and the smart money is on divorcing her. You aren't going to divorce her, or you'd have already done it. Let's be real about that. Your wife wants you back. You are in control of the situation.

You have three options: Make her think you really do want a divorce and take it literally to the brink, thereby at least placing in her mind that if it ever happened again, you'd be fully capable of pulling the trigger. You may find your wife becomes remorseful and you may actually have a good marriage with no infidelity occurring again. She's not remorseful now, she's protecting her security. 

Rugsweeping this and pretending you believe she didn't physically have sex with the guy (pointless in my opinion, what she did was just as damaging to your marriage as having sex with him FOR SURE). You'll wind up wondering the rest of your life, and she'll have in the back of her mind that you let her get by with it once, you might again.

Really divorcing her and moving on, because you don't trust her and have no reason to trust her, and because you'd likely dwell on this the rest of your life. Especially since there's not a snowflake's chance in Hades she'll ever give you the whole truth.

Very sorry this has happened. Worst thing that can happen to a man mentally, in my opinion. I don't think I'll ever be the same.

One thing is for sure. She is a liar. Don't believe anything she says.


----------



## smokefire05

I have all her passwords, complete transparency. She would not have told her friends nor her family about her affair. They would have come down on her hard. We have one child. She said that she only did the skype twice, both times when she was on business trips. I find that hard to believe. She said she wouldn't have done that in our home, but she would have phone sex in our home and sext to him when I'm sleeping next to her. I think she was doing the skype pleasure each other live crap before the trip and the waxing was for in person sex. Could it be true that she really did only skype 2 times and the waxing was so it would look good via phone video feed? I doubt it the waxing was for touch not video viewing. 

After I found out 4 months ago, I moved out and filed for divorce. I canceled the divorce and moved back in 2 months ago. I really believe I'm not going to be able to move forward and be happy. I don't share my wife, and I want to be with someone that would never do this too me.


----------



## ButtPunch

smokefire05 said:


> I have all her passwords, complete transparency. She would not have told her friends nor her family about her affair. They would have come down on her hard. We have one child. She said that she only did the skype twice, both times when she was on business trips. I find that hard to believe. She said she wouldn't have done that in our home, but she would have phone sex in our home and sext to him when I'm sleeping next to her. I think she was doing the skype pleasure each other live crap before the trip and the waxing was for in person sex. Could it be true that she really did only skype 2 times and the waxing was so it would look good via phone video feed? I doubt it the waxing was for touch not video viewing.
> 
> After I found out 4 months ago, I moved out and filed for divorce. I canceled the divorce and moved back in 2 months ago. I really believe I'm not going to be able to move forward and be happy. I don't share my wife, and I want to be with someone that would never do this too me.


Moving out was a strong move on your part. Good for you. 

Is the physical part a dealbreaker? 

Our advice really depends on what you want.

However, I would demand the OM's name and contact info immediately. 
I agree with opening a fake facebook to see if you are blocked.
I would inform your wife that if she alarms the om again you will immediately file for divorce.

OM's wife needs to know like yesterday.


----------



## smokefire05

She gave me his name but she says she doesnt know where he works. They communicated via fb messenger and skype. She said he didnt give her his phone number and she.didnt give hers. I looked through her phone and check our .


----------



## ButtPunch

smokefire05 said:


> She gave me his name but she says she doesnt know where he works. They communicated via fb messenger and skype. She said he didnt give her his phone number and she.didnt give hers. I looked through her phone and check our .


She's lying. She's protecting him.

She knows who he is and how to get a hold of him.

They don't want you to tell his wife.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

Where do you work is a typical get to know you question. How did they meet? I'd think it was weird to not know that information. 

She also very likely knows who his wife is. She was facebook friends with him so she saw his wife. I bet she looked through his entire profile and friends and checked out a lot of his friends and family.


----------



## ButtPunch

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Where do you work is a typical get to know you question. How did they meet? I'd think it was weird to not know that information.
> 
> She also very likely knows who his wife is. She was facebook friends with him so she saw his wife. I bet she looked through his entire profile and friends and checked out a lot of his friends and family.


I agree.....she clearly is in damage control mode.


----------



## smokefire05

She met him in a Seinfeld group on facebook. Then he sent her a private message on facebook and it grew from there. They never friended each other on facebook.


----------



## citygirl4344

Personally my gut says that something happened.
The thing is , if you're in true R mode then you would know absolutely all these things because part of R is knowing what exactly happened.

What you are on know is rug 
sweeping mode.

You have options though. As @Evinrude58 said you are in control here. You can continue to rug sweep, you can demand answers, go to counseling and try to move on or you can divorce.
Did you guys do any martial counseling at all? 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Marc878

Check your phone bill. His number is probably in there.

You are a typical betrayed spouse. You don't like it but you want to believe her because you don't want to actually take action. You're in denial.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

With being able to make calls with Facebook, they may have had no need to give phone numbers if they were both hiding from spouses. 

But typically you can still see a persons information even if you aren't friends. At least the basics, wife's name, who likes their public pictures, friends list. 
He is likely still on Facebook. Use your fake account to join the group she met him in. 

You can also search stuff like 

"Groups joined by John Smith" and it'll give you a list of their groups unless they are secret ones. Private do show up. 
If he's on any buy/sell pages you can often find locations if they post anything. 
Specific locations too, I'm by a big city and there are groups for west end, south side, etc.


----------



## smokefire05

I checked the phone bill nothing. I filed for d 4 months ago and moved out but I canceled it and moved back 2 months ago.


----------



## SunCMars

Evinrude58 said:


> You've just stated enough facts that at this point, it doesn't matter whether or not they had sex(which they did, of course).
> 
> You just need to decide whether you can live with having a cheater for a wife who might (likely) do it again in the future, or do you want to try to build a marriage that you think is "cheaterproof"?
> Personally, you and I both know they had sex, and if she won't admit it, that would be a barrier to reconciliation. You're worried about it right now, you'll wonder and worry about it the rest of your life. Even though you know damn well they di You just don't want to believe it.
> 
> Why do you care if they had sex after they sexted, sent nude pics to one another, and she was in love with him and lying to you? I do understand, but you need to understand that it really doesn't matter. What you KNOW she did has nuked your marriage.


Sorry, friend.

Yep.

Evinrude58 and I have matured into this mindset. 

When spouses go to these lengths to start/ maintain a OSF relationship, it has over-stretched any reasonable Reconciliation parameters. 

Yes, she had a PA. 
Even if she did not, what she did is sufficient to divorce.

If only a Physical Affair will make you divorce, then polygraph her. If she refuses, take that as a yes, they had sex.


----------



## smokefire05

I read 5 weeks worth of messages and they never said I love you, it was mostly sex chat and pics.


----------



## TAMAT

smokefire05,

The OM can and must be found, one thing you might do is to join facebook under your WWs name.

It was physical and she is lying to you. Until she stops lying to you there is very little hope for recovery. 

Get a polygraph now. You can set up an appointment she may confess in the parking lot.

Have her write out a timeline for the affair in a notebook, tell her to put down all the details. 

Check with facebook if you can restore her account and history. 

Tamat


----------



## TAMAT

smokefire05,

Save off the evidence in a place only you can access.

Tamat


----------



## smokefire05

Im unbuttoning your pants blah blah crap with a pic. It was pretty ridiculous.


----------



## TAMAT

sf05

Did the OM have an email address?

Sometimes they get sloppy and use an active non-burner email address.

You can then do a google search on the email address.

Tamat


----------



## Malaise

smokefire05 said:


> I read 5 weeks worth of messages and they never said I love you, it was mostly sex chat and pics.


People don't have to say ' I love you ' to have sex.

Sometimes they just want some strange.


----------



## Satya

She should have NO problem giving you his Skype details.


----------



## TDSC60

They are communicating in some way that you have not found. Not knowing how means nothing today with so many ways available.

Did he ask for the waxing or was it her idea. Waxing for Skype makes zero sense. PA is fairly cetain.

Tell her you need a polygraph.


----------



## eric1

smokefire05 said:


> She gave me his name but she says she doesnt know where he works. They communicated via fb messenger and skype. She said he didnt give her his phone number and she.didnt give hers. I looked through her phone and check our .




She is lying to you about this. 

She is keeping back information so that you can't expose. Exposure is more effective than a poly.

If you have his name and city and can't find him still it's because she lied to you about his name or city.


----------



## manwithnoname

eric1 said:


> She is lying to you about this.
> 
> She is keeping back information so that you can't expose. Exposure is more effective than a poly.
> 
> If you have his name and city and can't find him still it's because *she lied to you about his name or city.*


This is why he can't be found.


----------



## smokefire05

After our child went to bed I had a conversation with her about the waxing and guess what she changed her story again. I told her it makes no sense to wax for skype and she said that she wanted to try it that all. Hmmm you have never done it and you waited to try it just before you leave on a work trip when you are in a full blown sexting affair and the man lives 100 miles away from the hotel you were staying at. Yeah sure. I'm getting sick of this game, time to stop playing it. I constantly am checking her social media accounts all day, look through her phone all the time and it sucks. I don't want to live like this. She either comes clean today or I'm moving out again this weekend.


----------



## ButtPunch

smokefire05 said:


> After our child went to bed I had a conversation with her about the waxing and guess what she changed her story again. I told her it makes no sense to wax for skype and she said that she wanted to try it that all. Hmmm you have never done it and you waited to try it just before you leave on a work trip when you are in a full blown sexting affair and the man lives 100 miles away from the hotel you were staying at. Yeah sure. I'm getting sick of this game, time to stop playing it. I constantly am checking her social media accounts all day, look through her phone all the time and it sucks. I don't want to live like this. She either comes clean today or I'm moving out again this weekend.


Good for you!

Put the pressure on her.

Even if you want to reconcile, you are going to need the truth to do so.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt

smokefire05 said:


> After our child went to bed I had a conversation with her about the waxing and guess what she changed her story again. I told her it makes no sense to wax for skype and she said that she wanted to try it that all. Hmmm you have never done it and you waited to try it just before you leave on a work trip when you are in a full blown sexting affair and the man lives 100 miles away from the hotel you were staying at. Yeah sure. I'm getting sick of this game, time to stop playing it. I constantly am checking her social media accounts all day, look through her phone all the time and it sucks. I don't want to live like this. She either comes clean today or I'm moving out again this weekend.


You've given the liar MORE than enough chances to come clean. She knows what he does for a living, where he lives, and where he works.

You seriously married one huge lying sack of ****, my friend.


----------



## smokefire05

Boom I found his address and his wife's name in the county property records. I looked her up on facebook and her account is not private so I saw him in her pictures. I just sent her a facebook message that her husband had an affair with my wife and gave her my cell phone number. Let's see if she calls me. I found a home number for her and I called it and it went to voice mail but it was them it is a good number. I didn't leave a message but if she doesn't call me I will keep trying the home number.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

Good job. She deserves to know. 

Keep a watch on your wife's accounts as he will likely try to get in touch with her. 

In fact you may be able to get your answer from this. If you can message as her say something like 

Don't worry, my husband only knows about the messages and not when we met in person. 

And see what he says.


----------



## smokefire05

I sent her a screen shot of the sexting and some pics he sent including a **** pic. Lol. Tick tock I bet **** is hitting the fan in his world. I told her that I believe they met because my wife was on a work trip and was nearby for a few days. Looks like this nightmare is finally coming to a head.


----------



## ButtPunch

He will try to contact your wife. You need to intercept this.

Great job.


----------



## Bananapeel

I hope you have a voice activated recorder in her car, because they are going to collude to get their stories in sync with each other.


----------



## smokefire05

She replied and asked for the days my wife was nearby. She also had a gut feeling he was cheating. She said she is very upset and is leaving work to go home and that she will call me later today.


----------



## jlg07

YOU need to make sure you tell her and your family about this so that she can't re-write your marriage history and make it out like it's your fault. She knows a lot more about him than you think. You need to get his wife's information and blow that up as well. If she doesn't want to tell you, that should pretty much tell you where her loyalty's lie. VERY sorry you are dealing with this.

EDIT: Just saw that you contacted the OM Wife -- GREAT job! Make sure you keep all these details and proof someplace that your wife can't get at.


----------



## MyRevelation

Well done Sf05. You have taken the first step in regaining some measure of control over your life ... you are no longer dependent on your WW's version of what is going on in your life, you are taking proactive steps to find your own "truth" ... feels good doesn't it?


----------



## ButtPunch

Get to Best Buy and purchase a Sony voice activated recorder.

Buy some velcro from walmart and put under your wifes car seat.

He will call her!


----------



## BetrayedDad

smokefire05 said:


> She replied and asked for the days my wife was nearby. She also had a gut feeling he was cheating. She said she is very upset and is leaving work to go home and that she will call me later today.


Glorious..... doesn't sound like you need my help. You are handling it well so far.

As for the waxing, yeah YOU KNOW that was for him. She wanted her vag to look good for him.

If she traveled for work, he most certainly went to her hotel and the sex was unprotected. Always is.



smokefire05 said:


> If it went PA then I'm done, however I can't prove it.


You said you were done if you discovered it was a PA. I hope you weren't lying to yourself. Many here do.

She's NOT remorseful if she has been LYING for 4 months about having a PA. Self preservation (hiding the real truth) is a form of deception. Remorseful people DO NOT continue to deceive.

Nude pictures, masturbation videos, texting about banging each other, small window of close proximity, work paid hotel room, waxing her vagina, I mean what MORE do you need?!? 

It's all but certain it was, you might as well start shopping for a lawyer now. Free yourself of this POS.


----------



## drifting on

Smoke fire

Right now you need to remember that two families have been nuked. In these two families are people deserving of empathy and compassion. First are the kids in either family, they are innocent. Second are you and the other betrayed spouse, be considerate of her emotions and feelings. She stated she thought her husband was cheating, so her pain is deep also. 

As for OM and your wife, well, they engaged in war on your marriage. Destroy everything about the affair, expose and go nuclear on the affair. Just remember, you are at war with two, OM and your wife, they are who you are at war with. 

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. Take care of yourself and your kids. Get to a lawyer and begin to protect what he advises. Soon you may find your going to have an emotional dump, and this is where the pain comes in hard. Surround yourself with family and trusted friends.


----------



## VladDracul

BetrayedDad said:


> You said you were done if you discovered it was a PA. I hope you weren't lying to yourself. Many here do.


No need for waning and waxing about it.  If he's truly done, whether he wants to keep her in his life or not, his romantic interest in her will wither on the vine and in several months or maybe years, he regret the time he invested. It out of his control and forever will be over. Oftentimes, the real reason people continue to "hang in there" translates into financial concerns; probably more often than staying for the kids (which does more damage to the kids than anything else)


----------



## TAMAT

SF05,

Have the number for a polygraph operator for the OMW. Also the number for divorce attorneys to give her, suggest she get STD testing.

Tamat


----------



## growing_weary

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Waxing sucks. It's not something we do for fun. A non-regular waxer wouldn't do it for a business trip.



I agree. Though when you do it regularly, it's not bad at all. Non-regular is torture.


----------



## Hoosier

One day taking a shower for work, my then wife jumps in the shower with me. She did this often over our 30 year marriage. This day was different, as she basically asked me to do anal. This was the first time in 25 years. She said she really liked it. Found out later that she was starting an affair with a guy who liked it, she was trying it out with me first..........sound familiar?


----------



## smokefire05

I'm willing to attempt R if it was a sexting affair because we started a family. I didnt sign up to become a part time dad. If it was me and her no kids I would have completed the divorce I started 4 months ago. If she did meet him which I should have confirmation on from his wife today whether or not that happened I will move out over the weekend and file on Tuesday.


----------



## Evinrude58

He should have that VAR already in her car. I'd want to know the whole story regardless if I were going to divorce, or not.
The poop will hit the fan now that OM's wife knows. The stink will likely be let out. 

You did awesome telling OM's wife. Now protect yourself by talking to a lawyer. Whether you go or stay, you should be filing for divorce again. If she feels any guilt whatsoever, now would be the time to divorce. Once she sees you're serious, she may go the other direction and try to burn you in the divorce. Once she sees you are off the leash, she may even try to return to the OM if his wife kicks him to the curb.
Be prepared!


----------



## arbitrator

smokefire05 said:


> I have all her passwords, complete transparency. She would not have told her friends nor her family about her affair. They would have come down on her hard. We have one child. She said that she only did the skype twice, both times when she was on business trips. I find that hard to believe. She said she wouldn't have done that in our home, but she would have phone sex in our home and sext to him when I'm sleeping next to her. I think she was doing the skype pleasure each other live crap before the trip and the waxing was for in person sex. Could it be true that she really did only skype 2 times and the waxing was so it would look good via phone video feed? I doubt it the waxing was for touch not video viewing.
> 
> After I found out 4 months ago, I moved out and filed for divorce. I canceled the divorce and moved back in 2 months ago. I really believe I'm not going to be able to move forward and be happy. I don't share my wife, and I want to be with someone that would never do this too me.


*Trust me, people don't wax for the "movies" unless they are porn stars!

Don't be fooled! That wax job of your W's was quickly and primarily done for both of their sheer, in-house sexual pleasure!

Nothing more ~ and nothing less!*


----------



## smokefire05

The other wife said the only way he could have drove 2 hours to her hotel would have been during the day because he was home those nights. She is trying to get confirmation from his employer that he was at work those days in question. She said he could have taken the day off and she is seeking verification that he was at work. Also she said my wife is not the only woman he was sexting with. She is going through is phone and she will let me know what she finds regarding my wife.


----------



## ButtPunch

smokefire05 said:


> The other wife said the only way he could have drove 2 hours to her hotel would have been during the day because he was home those nights. She is trying to get confirmation from his employer that he was at work those days in question. She said he could have taken the day off and she is seeking verification that he was at work. Also she said my wife is not the only woman he was sexting with. She is going through is phone and she will let me know what she finds regarding my wife.


Beautiful

Glad to see you two working together. 

Are you certain your wife was working or could she have taken off and said she had to work?


----------



## intuitionoramiwrong

Does your wife know you reached out to her? I am curious about her reaction.


----------



## Satya

I'd love to see your wife's reaction when she learns that she wasn't his first and only fling... but one of many. I bet that'll make her feel grand.


----------



## aine

smokefire05 said:


> Her affair partner is married but he has vanished like a fart in the wind. I tired to find him, his address his wife's name but I've had no luck. I want so badly to tell his wife. My wife is now back to her normal self, phone is unlocked completely transparent but I feel like she is holding back on the complete truth about the work trip. She apologizes nearly daily asks me what she can do to make it up too me ect ect. I think she is afraid to tell me the truth because she knows that I will divorce her if it was PA because I did file for D after I found out about the sexting. I decided to try R but this is unknown about the work trip is driving me crazy.
> 
> My best friend tells me to let it go, it is in the past you can't change it, but he is not in my shoes. He freaks out on his wife if men he doesn't know like his wife's facebook posts, so I know if he was in my shoes all hell would break loose at his house.
> 
> Yeah during her EA she wanted sex all the time, so her affair partner was getting her all worked up.



Great job SF05! I hope you get your information asap. I suspect it will not be what you want to hear, I think she met him. You have to also consider the whole scenario, she is not wife material at all.


----------



## Lostinthought61

you might want to tell your wife she apparently is not as special as she thought she was.


----------



## Tobyboy

How long was your wife out of town for work? Have you confirmed that she actually was there and not at OMs city? How many other coworkers went with your wife to this out of town work?


----------



## BetrayedDad

Formally known as Hoosier said:


> One day taking a shower for work, my then wife jumps in the shower with me. She did this often over our 30 year marriage. This day was different, as she basically asked me to do anal. This was the first time in 25 years. She said she really liked it. Found out later that she was starting an affair with a guy who liked it, she was trying it out with me first..........sound familiar?


That's pretty ****ed up......

I had somewhat of a similar situation. Ex always gave lousy bjs then all of a sudden was choking it down like a pornstar. Come to find out I was the practice dummy for her OM.


----------



## Evinrude58

"it was not possible he could have driven 2 hours because he was at work those days"......

sadly, that's what trusting people THINK. I was once one of those. Now that I have experience of asking a coworker where my ex was (when we were married) and them telling me she had taken off work that day (my ex and I STILL work at the same location), I now realize that what we think is impossible is not nearly so with a cheater. A cheater will find a way.

As said, she didn't wax for a picture. She waxed so it would be nice and smooth for her sexting crush to enjoy in person.
The fact that she asked you how you liked it? I'm vomiting vicariously for you.


----------



## Graywolf2

smokefire05 said:


> I constantly am checking her social media accounts all day, look through her phone all the time and it sucks. I don't want to live like this.


They always find a way to communicate. If you check 100 ways they will find one more. Put a VAR in her car or where she talks. They have quite a bit to go over since it hit the fan.



smokefire05 said:


> She either comes clean today or I'm moving out again this weekend.


Most lawyers recommend not moving out. Not sure about your state.


----------



## LosingHim

smokefire05 said:


> The other wife said the only way he could have drove 2 hours to her hotel would have been during the day because he was home those nights. She is trying to get confirmation from his employer that he was at work those days in question. She said he could have taken the day off and she is seeking verification that he was at work. Also she said my wife is not the only woman he was sexting with. She is going through is phone and she will let me know what she finds regarding my wife.


My husbands AP lives 2 hours away. I had myself convinced he wasn’t seeing her in person because all of his time was “accounted” for. Turns out she would come to our town on the weekends and he would tell me he was going to high school basketball games on Friday nights, but go to her moms house where she was staying. The real kicker was when I found out he was actually driving to her house to see her, during the week – 2 hours away. He would tell me he would have to go to work early in the morning for a “meeting”. So he would go to work at 6AM instead of 8, work until 10 and then take a half day vacation, drive 2 hours to her house, spend 2 hours with her and drive 2 hours home and he’d be home BEFORE I got home from work and I never suspected a thing. Tell OM’s wife to dig DEEP for those days your wife was 100 miles away. I knew something was up so I kept digging and digging and digging. I figured it out from google maps on his work phone. It keeps track of your location. Plus he’d asked google to navigate him to an address in her city and that was in his history. He has no reason to be in the city she lives in other than to visit her. It’s a big city but we have ZERO connections there. Plus it said her address. Her mom had posted a picture of her new house on FB that I’d seen several weeks before. So when I found the address he’d navigated to, I pulled it up on google maps and it was the same house her mom had posted pictures of. 

BTW, she slept with him. No doubt about it.


----------



## BetrayedDad

smokefire05 said:


> I'm willing to attempt R if it was a sexting affair because we started a family. I didnt sign up to become a part time dad. If it was me and her no kids I would have completed the divorce I started 4 months ago. If she did meet him which I should have confirmation on from his wife today whether or not that happened I will move out over the weekend and file on Tuesday.


You sound EXACTLY like me in 2008 when I caught my then wife sexting her exboyfriend on myspace. I never got proof they had sex so I gave her another chance. In 2011, they did have sex. In 2013, I caught her having a PA with ANOTHER guy and that's when she confessed to the 2011 PA. Dumped her ass after that.

My point? Once a cheat always a cheat. She's been bitten by the bug. It's like an addiction, she will crave the excitement of cuckolding you forever. The best part is the sneaking around, that and waxing her vag for strange penis, makes her feel so naughty! You're just the boring husband she has no respect for.

Dump her dude. She's ALREADY played you for a fool and PROVEN she's not really remorseful. Don't reward her bad behavior with a second chance. You can do way better than this POS. Don't settle.


----------



## TAMAT

In a sense your WW has already been physical since I would guess the sexting involves masturbation. 

I would also be cautious about believing the story that the OM was at work, OM will frequently line up people who know what to say to help the OM cover his tracks. OM get very clever at hiding their activities and experts in blameshifting and lying.

A coworker of mine told me a story about a friend of his who used to buy fish to bring home when he was banging his OW. My coworker said he felt very conflicted when he would meet the friends wife.

Tamat


----------



## smokefire05

The house will be sold and equity split, I would prefer not to live here and begin the healing process in a new place. She can stay here until the house sells. I haven't heard back from his wife, I hope she is holding up ok and is able to find the truth for me. I went and purchased a Sony VAR and will put in her car. I was going to buy several put them around the house but if I move out this weekend then what's the point? If I do move out I will take the VAR out of her car and keep it on me to record our conversations. 

Before my wife I was engaged to another woman and 2 days before the wedding an anonymous note was under the windshield of my car detailing the affair my fiancee was having. My wife knows this happened to me and how it hurt me and then she does it. It's like a double betrayal.


----------



## ButtPunch

smokefire05 said:


> The house will be sold and equity split, I would prefer not to live here and begin the healing process in a new place. She can stay here until the house sells. I haven't heard back from his wife, I hope she is holding up ok and is able to find the truth for me. I went and purchased a Sony VAR and will put in her car. I was going to buy several put them around the house but if I move out this weekend then what's the point? If I do move out I will take the VAR out of her car and keep it on me to record our conversations.
> 
> Before my wife I was engaged to another woman and 2 days before the wedding an anonymous note was under the windshield of my car detailing the affair my fiancee was having. My wife knows this happened to me and how it hurt me and then she does it. It's like a double betrayal.


I am sorry you are going thru this.

I've been there too.

You are handling this like a champ so far.

Take care of yourself.


----------



## WonkyNinja

Graywolf2 said:


> It would seem that the only benefit of waxing over shaving that would be visible on Skype is #6, no stubble. Can you see the difference on Skype? Is the HD that good?


That was my first thought. The geek in me wondered how they got such good resolution on Skype!!


----------



## GuyInColorado

It's a high/rush finding out the truth. When you've been decieved and lied to for a long time, you must get the full truth. She's already proved she is a good lier, so you can't believe anything she tells you.

Just be careful if you find out they met up. You'll be filled with anger. Don't be around anyone, don't text/call anyone, and definitely don't see her anytime soon. I said some very hurtful things when I found out my fiancee was lying and hiding a drug problem. Stuff that I regret. I drank a ton and went looking for her drug pusher cousin and was going to harm him. Just crazy thoughts came to me with the rush of anger. Be careful!


----------



## Tobyboy

Did your wife tell the OM about the work trip and where she would be staying in her chats?


----------



## smokefire05

Yeah I agree the waxing for skype excuse is pure baloney. It is for touch she even asked me how it felt when I touched her that night after she had it done. She wasnt going to tell me about it if we didnt have sex, she did it for him because they planned to mert. It is possible thst their sex plan fell apart but absolutely she intended on meeting him. The intent should be enough, she wanted to meet him.


----------



## Graywolf2

If you don't tell her that you contacted the OMW then the only way she could find out is him contacting her (which he will). It might be interesting to act normal and see what happens.


----------



## ButtPunch

Graywolf2 said:


> If you don't tell her that you contacted the OMW then the only way she could find out is him contacting her (which he will). It might be interesting to act normal and see what happens.


I like this idea. I doubt she would be so dumb as this though.


----------



## smokefire05

I have not told her that I contacted his wife.


----------



## arbitrator

Graywolf2 said:


> If you don't tell her that you contacted the OMW then the only way she could find out is him contacting her (which he will). It might be interesting to act normal and see what happens.


*What for? For her to concoct yet another unbelievable lie?

Truth be told, she lies just as good vertically as she does horizontally!*


----------



## LosingHim

smokefire05 said:


> I have not told her that I contacted his wife.


DON'T.

My husbands AP contacted me to 'apologize'. I was so shocked by that contact and wanted so badly to stay true to myself as a kind person that I didn't get angry with her at all, I was actually pretty nice to her. I never told my husband that she'd contacted me. 2-3 weeks later, my car was stolen and then recovered in a field. While waiting for the sheriff to show up, my husband left me in the field, stuck in the mud in my dads car in the pouring down rain because he had to try to get to golf league. I became very, very angry and ended up going BACK to his AP that night and finally asking for all of the details. Had my husband known she contacted me the first time, he would have gone into total protect/damage control mode and I never would have been able to go back to her to confirm details after I had some time to think about what I really wanted/needed to know in order to move forward.


----------



## Evinrude58

I think when her rainbow and unicorns fantasyland gets screwed up when the OM calls her and tells her he never wants to hear from again, etc. etc.-- and that OM's wife talked to the OP, she will undoubtedly come bawling to the OP and want to talk. I think OP is handling this far better than most betrayed spouses. He is able to admit to himself that she either met the guy or intended to---- same thing to me...

Just want to say Smokefire, I know firsthand how badly this hurts and wouldn't wish it on anyone. But if you continue to handle your life in such a logical way when things are rough......... You will undoubtedly reach the day when you are healed much, much faster than most guys do. Some guys can't admit the truth to themselves and stay months or even years in limbo, wondering what if and why, and what did they do to cause x,y,z to happen. That's the ones that suffer the most.

You are hurting tremendously. But I think you will be far better off if you handle this infidelity problem head on, getting something done now rather than sulking in misery. I want to reassure you that there is happiness to be found after divorce. You can't help what happened with your wife. You can't prevent what she did affecting your child in some ways. I believe that you will find you are still able to spend all the time you want with your daughter. The way your wife has behaved, she will likely be devoting time to the next OM and need you to take over being a parent for quite a while. 
I wish you luck in whatever you decide.


----------



## smokefire05

I checked his wife's facebook page to see if she posted anything on her timeline and it is now private. Still no reply back on if he missed work those days my wife was nearby. At least she didn't block me, I'm sure when she finds out she will contact me, I hope. If she blocked me then I couldn't look her up on facebook, so I think she just made her account private instead of public. I hope she is doing ok, she had a right to know the truth. Anyway I wanted to thank everyone for your input it gives me clarity, thank you. 

I decided that I don't need to know if they met. She waxed herself for the sexual pleasure of another man, not for me. That is a deal breaker. It takes me sometime to really get a grasp on things, and you guys helped me get here, thank you. Seriously why was I going to stay if it wasn't a PA knowing that she waxed herself for him. She waxed herself for the sexual enjoyment of another man, doesn't matter if it was for in person, on Skype, or pictures, or with a telescope or a microscope, she waxed for his pleasure not MINE!!!! Why did it take me 4 months to finally GET IT, the reality, the truth through my thick skull. Going to look for an apartment tomorrow and file on Tuesday. Hopefully I can find something I can move into this weekend.


----------



## Lostinthought61

Smoke don't beat yourself, the important thing is that you now have clarity in your mind, and let's be honest in the end it's where most of the battle of consciousness occurs, its perception vs. reality...when our mind is struggling with the thought of who we knew the person most closest to us was, versus the reality of their actions....we at first doubt the facts, we doubt ourselves because we want to hold on to that perception, but slowingly truth has a way of chipping away at that perception and what we are left with is the carnage of remnants. from there begins the next chapter to stay or go and each have their multitude of sub chapters....I wish you well


----------



## Malaise

This moved along very quickly.


----------



## eric1

Because he exposed. Expose means he TAKES CONTROL. Once he takes control it's like a literal light bulb goes off. EVERYTHING changes when you have the benefit of clarity and conviction.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

smokefire05 said:


> I checked his wife's facebook page to see if she posted anything on her timeline and it is now private. Still no reply back on if he missed work those days my wife was nearby. At least she didn't block me, I'm sure when she finds out she will contact me, I hope. If she blocked me then I couldn't look her up on facebook, so I think she just made her account private instead of public. I hope she is doing ok, she had a right to know the truth. Anyway I wanted to thank everyone for your input it gives me clarity, thank you.
> 
> I decided that I don't need to know if they met. She waxed herself for the sexual pleasure of another man, not for me. That is a deal breaker. It takes me sometime to really get a grasp on things, and you guys helped me get here, thank you. Seriously why was I going to stay if it wasn't a PA knowing that she waxed herself for him. She waxed herself for the sexual enjoyment of another man, doesn't matter if it was for in person, on Skype, or pictures, or with a telescope or a microscope, she waxed for his pleasure not MINE!!!! Why did it take me 4 months to finally GET IT, the reality, the truth through my thick skull. Going to look for an apartment tomorrow and file on Tuesday. Hopefully I can find something I can move into this weekend.


 Send the OBS a friend request on FB, can't hurt at this point.
You've negotiated all of this crap extremely well. Best of luck in your apartment hunt and future life.


----------



## SunCMars

smokefire05 said:


> The house will be sold and equity split, I would prefer not to live here and begin the healing process in a new place. She can stay here until the house sells. I haven't heard back from his wife, I hope she is holding up ok and is able to find the truth for me. I went and purchased a Sony VAR and will put in her car. I was going to buy several put them around the house but if I move out this weekend then what's the point? If I do move out I will take the VAR out of her car and keep it on me to record our conversations.
> 
> Before my wife I was engaged to another woman and 2 days before the wedding an anonymous note was under the windshield of my car detailing the affair my fiancee was having. My wife knows this happened to me and how it hurt me and then she does it. *It's like a double betraya*l.


NO!


Not double betrayal. Same female "principal", same entity, different flesh packaging.

Some people on TAM will say you have a bad picker...choosing women from the same "batch" "hatch", whatever.

Know this, This "type", "breed", personality is PUT IN FRONT OF YOU.

You may think it is a conscious choice, this "mate picking".

It is not that at all. It is nature playing out it's cards at your expense.......or your benefit...and/or pleasure.

Drive life....do not let it drive you.

Anyone who can "see" this is on the path to freedom and enlightenment.

Just Sayin"


----------



## SunCMars

Formally known as Hoosier said:


> One day taking a shower for work, my then wife jumps in the shower with me. She did this often over our 30 year marriage. This day was different, as she basically asked me to do anal. This was the first time in 25 years. She said she really liked it. Found out later that she was starting an affair with a guy who liked it, she was trying it out with me first..........sound familiar?


Let me count the ways......

Let me count the ways that words slide effortlessly into one's head.

Only to tear out One's Mind..........

On the WAY OUT...

SCM


----------



## Herschel

Man, I've been there. Last ex sent naked pics and the ridiculous sex talk. Took me 3-4 months to wrap my head around it. You can never trust them again. Nobody wants to spend their time stalking their spouse and then still wondering.

It will hurt, just deal with it and move on. She isn't the person you thought she was. That person died when you found out what she was doing. She is someone who is capable of this terrible stuff and be happy you found out now and not months or years later.


----------



## SunCMars

smokefire05 said:


> Yeah I agree the waxing for skype excuse is pure baloney. It is for touch she even asked me how it felt when I touched her that night after she had it done. She wasnt going to tell me about it if we didnt have sex, she did it for him because they planned to mert. It is possible thst their sex plan fell apart but absolutely she intended on meeting him. The intent should be enough, she wanted to meet him.


Not that it matters..

Who says she met up with the Skype Sexter?

It could have been another guy, a co-worker, someone she met before on one of these trips.

It could be that while at the hotel she was going to DO a one-night-stand. With the first desirable dikweed she met during her stay.

Most likely a "familiar". Very physically familiar to her. Women are peculiar that way.



Just Sayin'


----------



## smokefire05

I don't want to add his wife to my facebook friends because my wife will surely see it and she doesn't know that I have contacted her. I still haven't heard back from his wife about his whereabouts during my wife's work trip. 

Slept like a baby last night for the 1st time in a long time. Slept in the guest room away from my soon to be ex. I feel great today, taking the dog for a quick 3 mile run then off to the gym then apartment hunting.


----------



## Sparta

OP does your wife know anything yet, about you contacting his wife because if she finds out that you know she still talking to him. Good job on being strong Man... A good example on what to do when cheated on.


----------



## jewels465

Glad to see you have more peace now. Sorry for what you have been through.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## drifting on

smokefire05 said:


> I don't want to add his wife to my facebook friends because my wife will surely see it and she doesn't know that I have contacted her. I still haven't heard back from his wife about his whereabouts during my wife's work trip.
> 
> Slept like a baby last night for the 1st time in a long time. Slept in the guest room away from my soon to be ex. I feel great today, taking the dog for a quick 3 mile run then off to the gym then apartment hunting.




On the other hand.....if you became friends with the OM's wife on Facebook your wife would literally go crazy. You can just say that you don't know her and that she friend requested you with a message that she has information for you regarding your marriage. At this point you could ask your wife, do you know what that could be about?? Make sure the VAR is in her car, then say you need something from the store but don't have time to go get it. Ask your wife if she could run to the store for you only if the VAR is in her car. Smoke fire, why not play her as she played you? Why not make her feel like you've felt? It's war, put your enemies against each other, let them destroy themselves.


----------



## smokefire05

Holy Ms USA batman there is a fine goddess at the gym Ive never seen here before. Should I go introduce myself?


----------



## smokefire05

Did a walk by "hi" and her response was "meh" shot down in flames lol


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

Don't look for any other woman until all your baggage is properly dealt with. 
Leave, deal with the divorce and get settled before you try to have any kind of relationship. 

It's not fair to the women and you're not in a place where you can have a healthy relationship just yet.


----------



## Herschel

Dude? Seriously? I mean, I get wanting to wet your Willy in something new, but you just, literally just, decided you are going to go through with the divorce. Get your head together first. Get your **** together. Then, go hunting...


----------



## LosingHim

Have you said ANYTHING to your wife? That you're moving out? Divorcing? Anything?


----------



## smokefire05

Last night she asked why I'm sleeping in the guest room and I told her that I wanted a divorce. She has been crying but staying out of my way. I found a 2 bedroom apartment on the 1st floor across from the pool. It is in our child's elementary zone so he can ride the school bus to my new place. The divorce will be easy split everything 50/50 and I will pay child support insurance and spouse support if she needs it. I want out.


----------



## TAMAT

sf05,

I was hoping that you could get honest answers from your WW and recover. You can come to grips with an affair but not lying.

For your childrens sake please read "surviving an affair" "fall in love stay in love" and "his needs her needs" all by Dr. Harley.

Tamat


----------



## smokefire05

I want to wake up next to a woman and be truely happy. My wife's affair and the months of mind***ery in the aftermath after I found out killed that from ever happening again with her. If I stayed it would be an unhealthy home. The trust has been replaced with distrust and suspicion. Love has been replaced with resentment. When I 1st found out and I asked her where he lived she said named a city in NW nearly 2000 miles from us. I left for 2 months and when I came back asked her again where he lived and she was honest this time and named a city in the East about 1200 miles from us. It took a few days before it clicked in my mind that he lived only 100 miles from where she was during her work trip. Then it took a few more days to remember she had a waxing done a couple of days before the trip. When it clicked I confronted her and said you waxed for him he was only 100 miles away and she said no it was for you. When I pressed her and called bullsit she changed the story and said she had it done for the hot tub and swimming pool at the hotel. I hate having these discussions and can only take about 5 minutes of it so I stopped asking her for the truth. 2 weeks later it is still bothering me because I know she is lying so I asked her again and this time she said she didnt meet him in person and waxing was done for skype that was the day I posted this thread. After kicking that around for a day I told her that was bullsit people dont wax for Skype sex so she said she just wanted to try it and she got a 1st waxing free email. I said please just tell me the truth did you wax for him because y'all planned to meet in person for sex. She said no I just honestly wanted to try it and I got the 1st waxing free email. Well I found the email it wasnt a free waxing you prepay for several upfront and get an extra one. She got the waxing for him and they probably had sex and she doesnt respect me enough to tell the truth.


----------



## LosingHim

smokefire05 said:


> I want to wake up next to a woman and be truely happy. My wife's affair and the months of mind***ery in the aftermath after I found out killed that from ever happening again with her. If I stayed it would be an unhealthy home. The trust has been replaced with distrust and suspicion. Love has been replaced with resentment. When I 1st found out and I asked her where he lived she said named a city in NW nearly 2000 miles from us. I left for 2 months and when I came back asked her again where he lived and she was honest this time and named a city in the East about 1200 miles from us. It took a few days before it clicked in my mind that he lived only 100 miles from where she was during her work trip. Then it took a few more days to remember she had a waxing done a couple of days before the trip. When it clicked I confronted her and said you waxed for him he was only 100 miles away and she said no it was for you. When I pressed her and called bullsit she changed the story and said she had it done for the hot tub and swimming pool at the hotel. I hate having these discussions and can only take about 5 minutes of it so I stopped asking her for the truth. 2 weeks later it is still bothering me because I know she is lying so I asked her again and this time she said she didnt meet him in person and waxing was done for skype that was the day I posted this thread. After kicking that around for a day I told her that was bullsit people dont wax for Skype sex so she said she just wanted to try it and she got a 1st waxing free email. I said please just tell me the truth did you wax for him because y'all planned to meet in person for sex. She said no I just honestly wanted to try it and I got the 1st waxing free email. Well I found the email it wasnt a free waxing you prepay for several upfront and get an extra one. She got the waxing for him and they probably had sex and she doesnt respect me enough to tell the truth.


Smokefire, you can be 100% certain they had sex. Your wife is trickle truthing like a typical cheater because she knows you will leave if you know the truth.

I can say, if you do fully want the confession, if you really want to know, tell her coming clean is her last chance to save the marriage. You don't have to mean it, but it may be the catalyst to the truth.

Beware though, once you know, you can't unknow.


----------



## Evinrude58

"i found OM's wife, salty smith, on Facebook and pm'd her. You remember, the one you knew nothing about. She has told me that your OM came clean with her after I told her what I knew, in an effort to save his marriage. She later called me and told me the whole story. I've known for a while now. 

So I ask one last time before I divorce you on the grounds of adultery: Are you even capable of telling me the truth? I now know the full extent of your affair, although it had to come from someone other than you. Would you like to tell me your version of the story without editing or downplaying? Or do you feel I am unworthy of hearing the truth from my own wife?"
Without me knowing the whole truth, down to minute details, there is no hope whatsoever of this relationship being anything but over."

You might try that, but your wife will likely never tell you the truth without knowing the cars already out of the bag.

This affair would have continued had you not found it out. She can't possibly be remorseful YET. She's just running self preservation mode.

Even if I was hell bent on divorcing her, I'd want the truth if I could get it. Out of her own mouth. That's just me.


----------



## drifting on

Evinrude58 said:


> "i found OM's wife, salty smith, on Facebook and pm'd her. You remember, the one you knew nothing about. She has told me that your OM came clean with her after I told her what I knew, in an effort to save his marriage. She later called me and told me the whole story. I've known for a while now.
> 
> So I ask one last time before I divorce you on the grounds of adultery: Are you even capable of telling me the truth? I now know the full extent of your affair, although it had to come from someone other than you. Would you like to tell me your version of the story without editing or downplaying? Or do you feel I am unworthy of hearing the truth from my own wife?"
> Without me knowing the whole truth, down to minute details, there is no hope whatsoever of this relationship being anything but over."
> 
> You might try that, but your wife will likely never tell you the truth without knowing the cars already out of the bag.
> 
> This affair would have continued had you not found it out. She can't possibly be remorseful YET. She's just running self preservation mode.
> 
> Even if I was hell bent on divorcing her, I'd want the truth if I could get it. Out of her own mouth. That's just me.





Which is why they should be Facebook friends, just to make OM and OP's wife very nervous about how you met. You could all but guarantee that they will throw each other under the bus to save their asses. I would also bluff that you know all, OM's wife told you as he is trying to save his marriage.


----------



## aine

smokefire05 said:


> I want to wake up next to a woman and be truely happy. My wife's affair and the months of mind***ery in the aftermath after I found out killed that from ever happening again with her. If I stayed it would be an unhealthy home. The trust has been replaced with distrust and suspicion. Love has been replaced with resentment. When I 1st found out and I asked her where he lived she said named a city in NW nearly 2000 miles from us. I left for 2 months and when I came back asked her again where he lived and she was honest this time and named a city in the East about 1200 miles from us. It took a few days before it clicked in my mind that he lived only 100 miles from where she was during her work trip. Then it took a few more days to remember she had a waxing done a couple of days before the trip. When it clicked I confronted her and said you waxed for him he was only 100 miles away and she said no it was for you. When I pressed her and called bullsit she changed the story and said she had it done for the hot tub and swimming pool at the hotel. I hate having these discussions and can only take about 5 minutes of it so I stopped asking her for the truth. 2 weeks later it is still bothering me because I know she is lying so I asked her again and this time she said she didnt meet him in person and waxing was done for skype that was the day I posted this thread. After kicking that around for a day I told her that was bullsit people dont wax for Skype sex so she said she just wanted to try it and she got a 1st waxing free email. I said please just tell me the truth did you wax for him because y'all planned to meet in person for sex. She said no I just honestly wanted to try it and I got the 1st waxing free email. Well I found the email it wasnt a free waxing you prepay for several upfront and get an extra one. She got the waxing for him and they probably had sex and she doesnt respect me enough to tell the truth.


It is called trickle truthing. If she was truly remorseful she would come clean and take the consequence. The lying is what put you over the edge. She is still more concerned with protecting herself than with the pain she caused you. Even after you move out, she still trickle truths which shows there is no remorse at all, maybe regret for getting caught that is all. You are doing the right thing, divorce her.


----------



## wmn1

the two months you moved out, she probably cheated on you with him during that time too ?


----------



## thedope

Smoke finally came around!


----------



## thedope

She cheated. I'm glad Smoke is able to see it for what t was. She has trickle truthed him from the start. She might never admit to it, but everyone knows she cheated.


----------



## Graywolf2

smokefire05 said:


> Last night she asked why I'm sleeping in the guest room and I told her that I wanted a divorce. I found a 2 bedroom apartment on the 1st floor across from the pool. It is in our child's elementary zone so he can ride the school bus to my new place.


Talk to a lawyer before you move out or sign a lease. Also ask them about bank accounts and credit cards.


----------



## thummper

Just out of curiosity, at this point with you planning on pulling the plug, why don't you want her to know you've contacted his wife. I would think that information would really shake things up.


----------



## Graywolf2

thummper said:


> Just out of curiosity, at this point with you planning on pulling the plug, why don't you want her to know you've contacted his wife. I would think that information would really shake things up.


This is a holiday weekend. It doesn’t hurt anything to allow the OMW ‘s wife time to check and see if her husband was working on the days in question. 
Many BS rush in and spill all their guts about all the proof they have. I understand why but all it does is give the WS valuable information. The WS knows all about the affair and now they know everything the BS knows about the affair. Now the WS knows what story they can make up that will fit.

It’s like playing cards and rushing to show all your cards. “Look here I have two aces. What are you going to do with that?”

Always hold stuff back. If you find two hotel receipts say that you found only one. Guess what, if you say you found two then they only went to the hotel two times.


----------



## Marc878

The only person that can keep you in limbo is you.

Once you've figured this out maybe you can take some action.

Talking won't get you much as you've seen.


----------



## TJW

Talking will get you nothing.



smokefire05 said:


> She got the waxing for him and they probably had sex and she doesnt respect me enough to tell the truth.


You've got the picture exactly. Adultery is borne of self-interest, and out of disrespect for the BS. So is trickle-truth. It's "damage control", to try to get off as "cheaply" as possible, protecting her own interests. Respect would demand that she "come clean", but since she doesn't respect you, she continues to lie.

Go see a lawyer before you do anything. Things largely depend upon how divorces happen in your particular area. Know where you stand before you move. Understand what is meaningful and what is not meaningful in the divorce action, so that you don't waste your time and effort trying to "prove" anything which won't ultimately help you.

Just look out for yourself and any dependent children you have. Don't worry about the cheater. Don't try to be "fair". Just get all you can and keep all you can.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt

smokefire05 said:


> I don't want to add his wife to my facebook friends because my wife will surely see it and she doesn't know that I have contacted her.


I wouldn't so sure of that.

The first chance Casanova GOT, he probably contacted your wife to line up their stories. He likely lied his ass off to his wife and then called YOUR wife and told her to stick to the same story so it would look more believable.

Prince Charming didn't need the whole day off to go to your wife's hotel, so it's very possible he was gone from work for a few hours and it wasn't even recorded in HR - especially if he's an exempt status employee and isn't paid by the hour. So even if his wife doesn't find an actual instance of him being absent for a few hours, that still doesn't mean they didn't meet.

And it's possible you may very well NOT hear back from his wife. He's been doing serious damage control over there and it's highly possible he managed to get his wife to believe you're paranoid and crazy and that you imagined the whole thing. It's possible he's also convinced his wife that you're crazy and possibly dangerous, and she should avoid you at all costs. That may or may NOT have happened in your case. But it's pretty common.


----------



## smokefire05

Trickle truth? What is that? What I have been getting is lying, manipulation, and mindfkery. 

"I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm a stupid a33hole and I'm sorry you got messed up with me. You are such a kind good hearted person, and I am sorry that I ruined your life."

Would the betrayed spouses please run this text my wife sent me this morning through your bullsht detector, my bs detector is worn out and needs a day off.

"


----------



## drifting on

smokefire05 said:


> Trickle truth? What is that? What I have been getting is lying, manipulation, and mindfkery.
> 
> "I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm a stupid a33hole and I'm sorry you got messed up with me. You are such a kind good hearted person, and I am sorry that I ruined your life."
> 
> Would the betrayed spouses please run this text my wife sent me this morning through your bullsht detector, my bs detector is worn out and needs a day off.
> 
> "




More then happy to show you what this really says. 

Wife: I'm sorry for everything I've done.
Translation: I'm sorry I got caught, you weren't supposed to find out and I'd still be doing this if you hadn't.

Wife: I'm a stupid a33hole and I'm sorry you got messed up with me.
Translation: I'm an entitled princess, you have found out about my cake and now won't let me eat it. Woe is me, you should feel sad for me.

Wife: You are such a kind good hearted person, and I am sorry that I ruined your life."
Translation: you are my security blanket, I can always bang someone else and you take care of me. Now you have ruined my life, so I will make the divorce as nasty as I can.

Best of luck.


----------



## TX-SC

Simply put, she is looking for sympathy from you and for you to come rescue her, as you always do. She's hoping your response will be to comfort her and reassure her that she's not really a bad person.


----------



## TAMAT

SF05,

Trickle truth from my experience occurs when your spouse forgets the lies she already told you. For example.

My W told me she could have caught HPV from being in a hot tub with her dad who was a playboy.

A few years later she told me she was never in a hot tub with her dad. 

The stories will drift over time because they are are based on fiction, and told in desperation.


Another time she told me she only knew this one guy for less than a week.

A few years later when someone was describing the fraud he had perpetrated my wife told me "thats not the ******* I knew"

Tamat


----------



## ReturntoZero

TAMAT said:


> SF05,
> 
> Trickle truth from my experience occurs when your spouse forgets the lies she already told you. For example.
> 
> My W told me she could have caught HPV from being in a hot tub with her dad who was a playboy.
> 
> A few years later she told me she was never in a hot tub with her dad.
> 
> The stories will drift over time because they are are based on fiction, and told in desperation.
> 
> 
> Another time she told me she only knew this one guy for less than a week.
> 
> A few years later when someone was describing the fraud he had perpetrated my wife told me "thats not the ******* I knew"
> 
> Tamat


Trickle truth:

"Yes, we were alone for a few minutes in his hotel room... and we kissed... I got out of there as soon as possible because I realized I was going too far"

MEANS...

"I'd been anticipating this meeting for over a month. I got new clothes, underwear, got a bikini wax.... and hung from the chandeliers with him because it was so fun and exciting"


----------



## thedope

Trickle truth is when someone keeps changing their story each time they reveal a little more truth

Ex
1. Had vagina waxed for you.
Becomes
2. Had vagina waxed because it was on sale 
Becomes
3. Had vagina waxed due to pool reasons
Becomes
4. Had vagina waxed for Other guy for Skype.
Becomes
Other guy wanted me waxed for when we met up for sex

The text she sent you is her trickle truthing you more. Vague descriptions about what she did wrong. Denials and outright lies. You know what she did, you feel it in your gut.


----------



## SunCMars

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I wouldn't so sure of that.
> 
> The first chance Casanova GOT, he probably contacted your wife to line up their stories. He likely lied his ass off to his wife and then called YOUR wife and told her to stick to the same story so it would look more believable.
> 
> Prince Charming didn't need the whole day off to go to your wife's hotel, so it's very possible he was gone from work for a few hours and it wasn't even recorded in HR - especially if he's an exempt status employee and isn't paid by the hour. So even if his wife doesn't find an actual instance of him being absent for a few hours, that still doesn't mean they didn't meet.
> 
> And it's possible you may very well NOT hear back from his wife. He's been doing serious damage control over there and* it's highly possible he managed to get his wife to believe you're paranoid and crazy and that you imagined the whole thing. It's possible he's also convinced his wife that you're crazy* and possibly dangerous, and she should avoid you at all costs. That may or may NOT have happened in your case. But it's pretty common.


Don't forget. SF05 sent her copies of her husband's ****pics. And other pictures. With these in her hand, POSOM would be hard pressed to deny anything.


----------



## SunCMars

smokefire05 said:


> Trickle truth? What is that? What I have been getting is lying, manipulation, and mindfkery.
> 
> "I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm a stupid a33hole and I'm sorry you got messed up with me. You are such a kind good hearted person, and I am sorry that I ruined your life."
> 
> Would the betrayed spouses please run this text my wife sent me this morning through your bullsht detector, my bs detector is worn out and needs a day off.
> 
> "


If that is what she wrote....

That is the first bit of truth out of her. She apologized.

And it is a last ditch effort at cracking your resolve. Playing on your good sense of forgiveness. 

Good for posterity. Too late for reconciliation. The Wayward Bridged too Far. 

She overstretched her bald faced lies and bald faced pubes. Her actions will never bounce back to 'straight and true'.


----------



## Satya

Ignore the text. It's gum - flapping.

You need to see behavior action to see genuine remorse. Everything else is yack.

Don't reply. Carry on with life.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

ReturntoZero said:


> Trickle truth:
> 
> "Yes, we were alone for a few minutes in his hotel room... and we kissed... I got out of there as soon as possible because I realized I was going too far"
> 
> MEANS...
> 
> "I'd been anticipating this meeting for over a month. I got new clothes, underwear, got a bikini wax.... and hung from the chandeliers with him because it was so fun and exciting"


 This ^ would actually be minimizing, not gaslighting. Gaslighting is when they flat out lie to you to make you feel crazy or paranoid.


----------



## Graywolf2

Rubix Cubed said:


> Gaslighting is when they flat out lie to you to make you feel crazy or paranoid.


Yes. Example: "You didn’t see a negligee that you’ve never seen before in my suitcase."

Trickle Truth:

Is what the name implies with truth being water from a pipe.

Facts gradually and reluctantly admitted by one's significant other under questioning, especially about having been unfaithful. It's like pulling teeth to get one more small fact.


----------



## SunCMars

Satya;18367553[B said:


> ]Ignore the text. It's *gum - flapping.*[/B]
> 
> You need to see behavior action to see genuine remorse. Everything else is yack.
> 
> Don't reply. Carry on with life.


Satya!

How dare you!

That is so Chauvinist and Misogynist. 

Pretty soon you will be on the Red Queens elevator....heading down.. NO, *UP!

Ah, well, you will ascend to Greatness. 
*It is lonely Up Here.....hear? I am up here, not for any accomplishments, pure thoughts. Nah, an Updraft took my ass North of South.
*


*Her office is two doors down from Beelzebub's Fiery Den. Hell, it is her base, Winter Warfare, Base of Operations.

Just Sayin'


----------



## stillthinking

> Why did it take me 4 months to finally GET IT, the reality, the truth through my thick skull.


Don't beat yourself up man. Over on SI there are guys who have been in denial for a long time. Its interesting to see years of mental gymnastics start to fail. To see the realization that they will never feel the same about their cheating wives.

I hope the other BS gets back to you. Not that it matters in term of your decision. But it would be nice to drop a little shock and awe on your WW when she gets manipulative.


----------



## Satya

SunCMars said:


> Satya!
> 
> How dare you!
> 
> That is so Chauvinist and Misogynist.
> 
> Pretty soon you will be on the Red Queens elevator....heading down.. NO, *UP!
> 
> Ah, well, you will ascend to Greatness.
> *It is lonely Up Here.....hear? I am up here, not for any accomplishments, pure thoughts. Nah, an Updraft took my ass North of South.
> *
> 
> 
> *Her office is two doors down from Beelzebub's Fiery Den. Hell, it is her base, Winter Warfare, Base of Operations.
> 
> Just Sayin'


Easy @SunCMars, that wasn't my intent!


----------



## SunCMars

Satya said:


> *Easy *@SunCMars, that wasn't my intent!



It ain't *easy* being a dusty Ghost.

It ain't *easy* having Martian roots. Roots that PULL HARD to the right of Safe and Sane!

Love ya, just pulling your, ah, ....foot fancy :surprise:
..........................................................................................

By the bye.....I hope @MrsAldi or her DH do not wake up.

I mind shifted back to Eire.
Perilous times....

Not for me, Nay. :frown2: I am harm free. Free from harm...Thank you R.Q. Ulysses will yet throw you to ground.

Perilous for the Feline, Tom or Tam....as I have not lifted it's *Tail* to determine and espied it's workings...inner, slippery envelope or floppy tuber. it's purpose in life. 
And the Cat tells no *Tale*. Even to the lesser god within. 

gods....I wonder Who it is that I rescue?? Hermes messaged me to do this. I am his offspring. 
And I am Cunning. I like that word. It contains my favorite piece of a women's Grand Design. It's lures Men to Anywhere. Anywhere she goes, anywhere she points. And I return a point, roughly one-tweny-seven cum eleven millimeters.

Cats are their own machines. Impervious to all outside forces....save Fleas.
...............................................................................................................................................

*OP has his hands full. His wife's PA is crushing all of his Poster Kids....me three.* Three times hurt.


----------

