# Men! How Do You Prefer a Woman to Initiate Sex?



## jaquen

What approach works best for you?


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## jman

I don't understand, what is this women initiates sex thing?


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## roostr

For me, lingerie is the trigger, when I see that I know she wants it and I'll take things from there. Although once in a while I like it to simply be thrown at me like the come f%&* me approach. Only problem is I'm married and neither one of these things occur, lol.


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## Cosmos

I asked my partner and he said that, although he enjoys the chase, he prefers both approaches, so I voted #3 on his behalf.


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## dormant

I have fantasized my wife unzipping me, getting a firm grip and pulling me to the bedroom.... But, she would have to want sex for that to happen.


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## arbitrator

I prefer to take turns but do not ever want her to be fearful of occasionally taking the lead in this arena. 

This should realistically always be a 50-50 proposition!


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## trex

Just take your pick. The important thing is that it somehow gets initiated!

One of my favorites is the direct route: one night a couple years ago, my wife couldn't sleep and I guess was having some amorous thoughts. So, in the middle of the night she just took her clothes off and cuddled up behind me. Middle of the night on during the work week. I told her she was welcome to wake me up with that any time she wants!


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## 40isthenew20

My wife has a few different panties (regular ones; not the g-string variety which are special occasion wears) that she knows I love and when we kind of plan ahead, she'll wear them. Gives me a subtle hint that she is horny.


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## Caribbean Man

I have observed that my wife has two different " personas " she puts on whenever she initiates.
One is that of a schoolgirl. she pretends that she's shy and innocent,with suggestive attitude.

The other she likes to pretend that she's this domineering woman,and just take full control.

I prefer the second one.


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## waiwera

Shame more men didn't vote on this... but there does seem to be a clear winner here.

Variety is the spice of life is true it would seem!

Also noted that not one man is against his wife initiating... this is something I need to remind MYSELF of at times. I forget to initiate because... I'm probably being lazy and H is always kissing and cuddling and beats me to it.

Must work on that!


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## Lon

I've kinda forgotten how the whole "initiate sex" thing is supposed to go, but in my daydreams it goes - she is subtle but flirty, teases a little but gradually gets bolder and bolder so there is no mistaking her intentions but still get to enjoy the escalation, without any small retreats, until we are both ravenous.


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## jaquen

waiwera said:


> Shame more men didn't vote on this...


Agreed.

I'm beginning to think I should have added a "Initiate? What's that?" option.


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## Zing

jaquen said:


> Agreed.
> 
> I'm beginning to think I should have added a "Initiate? What's that?" option.


Hey nearly 30 registered Male TAM members have voted on this... (they've just not replied) ... that's more than most other threads here...


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## I Notice The Details

I would love for my wife to be more aggressive and just take me, but that is not her personality. 

I do like it when she chooses something provocative to wear...or even something simple like an oversize cotton tank top without a bra along with a pair of silky panties that are peeking out below her shirt as she walks around the house. I love when she teases me...this is her normal way of initiating. She knows I can't take my eyes off of her when she does this.


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## naga75

yes poll results say it.
depends on the circumstance.
if we are out to dinner with no wee ones at home all night, take it easy and make flirty suggestive comments.
if the kids are napping and i happen to be home for lunch and mama needs some medicine, just pounce on me.
works both ways and im happy with either.


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## tm84

Sex? Oh, riiiiigggghhtt, it's a little foggy, but I seem to remember something about it...

Ok, had to get that out of my system...I am a proponent of both parties initiating. It keeps things interesting.


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## Soccerfan73

I prefer to do the chasing. But I voted for a little of both because sometimes I like having her come after me too!


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## Stonewall

Caribbean Man said:


> I have observed that my wife has two different " personas " she puts on whenever she initiates.
> One is that of a schoolgirl. she pretends that she's shy and innocent,with suggestive attitude.
> 
> The other she likes to pretend that she's this domineering woman,and just take full control.
> 
> I prefer the second one.


I would take the schoolgirl shy thing.


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## SimplyAmorous

My husband LOVES obvious ~ overt ~ a little aggressive ~ flirtatiously suggestive ~ groping is welcomed with a  ~ straddling myself over him sitting in a chair/arms around his neck /through his hair / kissing ....loves it ~ unzip the fly ~ handling the package ~ seduction any which way ...... basically for me to show him...."I want you baby".......

He even phrased it like this days ago....he said >> "when the woman wants to use me for her own pleasure".....Yeah, that turns him on... 








from me ...this fuels him. 

He's never been one who needed "the Chase" like so many men....he told me once.. all his fantasies are the woman coming on to him. I just laughed... he's an odd one! 

But this works well for us... because after reading so many posts by men who revel in the "CHASE" ...this need for "subtle" from their wives... I would seriously feel "caged", having to lower my intensity, turn down a part of who I am ...awaiting his pursuits. 

I tend to think a little like a Mrs Robinson (the guy doesn't have to be a Graduate ~ my husband will do )... A good half of my fantasies are taking control ~ playing the Vixen.... He initiates too - of course .. 

It's more of a mutual thing with us....we both know we want it ....we reach for it....and see where it leads.

Though he's told me SUBTLE is good too ~ I put on the lingerie & cook his breakfast sometimes when the kids are gone...he comes after me... I







that.


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## MEM2020

Two options, both are great:
- where anything with a skirt, or that long tshirt comes to mid thigh. Give me that smile. Those two things combined are like nitro and glycerin 
- start some sort of conflict, throw an elbow, say something aggressive but also funny. This produces the cave man response


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## CanadianGuy

Daily.


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## stritle

I chase constantly.
If she wants to initiate she has to pounce.
The more aggressive she is, the better.


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## norajane

Not _one _man prefers to initiate? :scratchhead:

Isn't that kinda _passive_? You're all content to wait for your women to initiate? No "take charge" guys here?

Or am I misunderstanding what "I prefer being the initiator" means?


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## jaquen

norajane said:


> Not _one _man prefers to initiate? :scratchhead:
> 
> Isn't that kinda _passive_? You're all content to wait for your women to initiate? No "take charge" guys here?
> 
> Or am I misunderstanding what "I prefer being the initiator" means?


It's my wording. That choice is for men who don't want a woman to initiate, and would prefer to play that role always.

Considering there are no votes, I imagine most got the gist?


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## Caribbean Man

Stonewall said:


> I would take the schoolgirl shy thing.


The funny thing is that there is some part of me that likes domineering women . [ in bed]

Submissive = Ok
Dominant = Wow!


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## ChuckCanuck

Wow... your wives actually wear lingerie? I've tried to get my wife to wear it...even bought it for her. She says she doesn't feel I should NEED that to be turned on to her..."what am I a hooker, a s.l. ut?". Trust me, she needs to wear it.


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## RandomDude

Meh, I like the chase BUT...
Sometimes it's nice to play games akin to "superior officer"

Now... a dominant woman who TEASES...

... Hell I would be in HEAVEN!!!!
:biggrinangelA:


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## Monarch

how would I prefer it...

Something suggestive whispered earlier in the day...so I have an inkling and I don't stuff myself full of dinner, etc. and I don't do anything that would leave me completely exhausted (i.e., 5 hours of yard work). Then suggestive comments and coy glances now and then as the day wears on. Let me catch you looking at me like I'm a piece of meat (I actually love it; makes me wonder why women don't love it, but that's another thread). Pour a couple glasses of wine. Tickle and tease a little. Act frisky. Disappear for awhile and come out wearing something hot...lingerie, school girl outfit, slinky robe. Ask for massage or something like that. Smile a lot. Show you're into it. This isn't a chore, this is something you _want_. Show that you have sexual desire in you.

I don't know how that fits in the poll. I guess option 2, but it's sort of option 1 as well. If anyone understands what I mean by this, I think I like "obvious and subtle". I think that means (to me) be clear but not crass.

But that scenario isn't going to happen so fantasizing about it won't change anything. But hey, it's fun that someone out there in the vast Internet asked, so I can pretend for a moment that someone actually cared for a brief nanosecond about how I'd like to be approached.


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## 45188

Eep.. I guess I'll go out and buy some lingerie.. Since women -need- it to look sexy -_-


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## Lon

kipani said:


> Eep.. I guess I'll go out and buy some lingerie.. Since women -need- it to look sexy -_-


some women don't "need" lingerie to be sexy... but why wouldn't a woman own some lingerie!?! nicely trimmed intimate clothing on a woman is universally hot, will get any warm blooded man going, it's like women's bodies were MADE for displaying removable decorations.


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## 2ntnuf

When I was in my twenties and the hormones were raging and I had a hot petite sexy blonde wife, I tended to want it quick. I didn't really take too much time getting her to bed. I initiated and wasn't afraid to do so on short notice. It was great. I did want her to initiate some, but she didn't do it much and I didn't care.

As I got older and I suppose the hormones have not been anywhere near as raging, I wanted my ex to take it slow with me and build up the tension. I guess I wanted more romance. She wanted me to take her. I couldn't really do that. I just didn't have that kind of desire like I did when I was twenty. We all know the difference in women going through change of life though. It makes there hormones a little crazy. So we weren't on the same page. I did not realize this was the case with her hormones and I did not understand. It's a real shame.

Anyway, I never did feel like ravaging her. She was not the body type that really gets me going. Trouble is, and I knew this, I wouldn't be able to attract the body type that would do that for me. I know, this is terribly shallow. Sorry it is honesty. I loved my second wife for reasons that went much deeper than sex. I respected and admired her deeply until she showed me her true self. Probably why It's so hard to let go.

I never had this respect or admiration for my first wife and wanted a different kind of relationship. I thought a more mature one. Guess I was wrong there as well or was it the hormones? My first wife was purely about the sex. Probably why I didn't do right by her. Never understood her. 

First wife and I did things which second wife and I never did. I didn't trust after being hurt by first. I must have known second was holding stuff back and she was. She had been with many men. Too bad she couldn't have been more open. I didn't need to know the number, who they were or what they did. I just wanted her to say something like, "I'd like to try this sometime." Then give me a chance to think a little and respond. It may have helped. I believe it would. 

So I never opened up and told my second wife what I really wanted. It could have been quite a lot of fun. I didn't want to share something and get laughed at. I thought sharing meant sharing. She thought sharing meant, "you tell me what you want and I don't tell you anything." Not trust building at all.

It's too late for me. Maybe someone will be helped by this. Maybe someone will help me understand.


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## Jumpnrun

I do not mind initiating sex but like others have said your partner has to also do it or it just feels like she not into you. Most of the women I have dated including my ex never initiated and it really effects the whole relationship I think.


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## CASE_Sensitive

My wife most often only initiates after I've reached grumpy/irritable stage for long enough.


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## Healer

I love it when you're making out with a woman and she starts gently rubbing your sausage through your jeans. And eventually takes it out and slowly, gently rubs/pulls, caresses it. I can enjoy that subtle type of handplay for ever.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening all
Variety is nice. Sometimes a lead-up with hints all day is great. Sometimes just being jumped without warning would be nice.


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## Sunburn

I lived with a Chinese woman for a couple years in my late 20's. Every evening while I was watching the news she would walk from the bathroom, in front of the TV and on into the bedroom butt naked. Funny thing, I never knew what the sports scores were.


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## I Notice The Details

My wife will put on special panties, heels, and a smile. 

Works EVERY time...


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## treyvion

Kiss him on the mouth, remove his shirt, unbuckle and pull his pants down and some oral with a great ravenous desire should get the blood really moving and sex drive kicked into high gear.


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## Thundarr

norajane said:


> Not _one _man prefers to initiate? :scratchhead:
> 
> Isn't that kinda _passive_? You're all content to wait for your women to initiate? No "take charge" guys here?
> 
> Or am I misunderstanding what "I prefer being the initiator" means?


I definitely prefer to initiate most of the time but the thread title is _'How Do You Prefer a Woman to Initiate Sex?'_. That puts a context on the last option _'I prefer to initiate'_ as meaning none of the above.

At least that's how I interpreted it.

EDIT: Nevermind. jaquen promptly answered it.


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## michzz

norajane said:


> Not _one _man prefers to initiate? :scratchhead:
> 
> Isn't that kinda _passive_? You're all content to wait for your women to initiate? No "take charge" guys here?
> 
> Or am I misunderstanding what "I prefer being the initiator" means?


I think you misunderstood, or I did.

I thought of the question having to do with when the woman initiates, how?


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## Thundarr

I picked both approaches but my mood is normally ready for "Tease me a little, make it seductive." There's a million ways to send subtle hints and I like most of them.


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## norajane

michzz said:


> I think you misunderstood, or I did.
> 
> I thought of the question having to do with when the woman initiates, how?


There's a poll, for people to vote on. One of the options says "I prefer to be the initiator in sex."

The other choices give options for her being aggressive, her being a tease, both depending on mood, and the last is, none of the above or "I prefer being the initiator in sex."

I thought that option was for those guys who prefer to, you know, _be the initiator in sex_ - as the poll options says - and would rather she didn't initiate. Since no one, two years ago when this thread was started, had selected that option, I wondered about all the guys who were constantly going on about being take charge alphas or wanting submissive wives and whatnot and why those guys didn't say they wanted to be the dominant/assertive/take charge/initiator in sex.


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## stupidman

I do remember how it was not so long ago when she would suddenly plant a smooch on me and let her hands wander . Better yet, I remember a long time back just driving along and having her take it out and go down regularly. Probably pretty dangerous, but damn that would get me hot for days. If I had to pick just one way it would definitely be the more aggressive I have to have you now approach. Alas, none of that happens anymore so even typing this post has left me frustrated, lol.


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## Jetranger

If we’re in bed, I love feeling a hand run up my side and around me, and then reach down…

If we’re sitting on the couch, moving in super extra closer, maybe legs across my lap, kissing me on the mouth and neck, and touching me over and then under the clothing. Removing each other’s clothing can be sexy, but I find sometimes they wait too long or struggle with it.

These are both obvious/aggressive but sensual at the same time.


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## Runs like Dog

At least not run away screaming


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## RichieBanks

We've been married for 42 years and their are two events that stand out about this survey.

1. We'd been married about 10 years and while I was talking to my mother on the phone, my wife took my **** out and gave me a blowjob. That was just so out of character for her and I loved it!

2. I came home from work one day and the couch was made out into a bed in front of the fireplace. Now that would have been cool enough but..., the video camera was set up on the tripod beside the bed. Way cool!

I can think of a couple of things now that would make me interested in my wife again. But, honestly, I know it won't happen.

1. I'd love to be in some public place and have her take my hand and brush it across her pubic area and me feel the she has a strap-on or our feeldoe on.

2. Her to have a DVD or thumbdrive by my computer some morning with a sexy note to watch it. And, when I do, it's her and some friend that we both know and trust having some form of sex.


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## love=pain

I didn't vote but I needed more choices like she looks in my direction or she is breathing.

I will echo men here, it happens way to infrequently so when it happens I am over the moon and could care less what tactic she uses it is all good.

Just as an offshoot I have told my wife before she doesn't have to be bold, dominant, shy whatever (if it makes her uncomfortable) she just has to drop to her knees and I will get the hint.


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## DvlsAdvc8

norajane said:


> There's a poll, for people to vote on. One of the options says "I prefer to be the initiator in sex."
> 
> The other choices give options for her being aggressive, her being a tease, both depending on mood, and the last is, none of the above or "I prefer being the initiator in sex."
> 
> I thought that option was for those guys who prefer to, you know, _be the initiator in sex_ - as the poll options says - and would rather she didn't initiate. Since no one, two years ago when this thread was started, had selected that option, I wondered about all the guys who were constantly going on about being take charge alphas or wanting submissive wives and whatnot and why those guys didn't say they wanted to be the dominant/assertive/take charge/initiator in sex.


"I prefer to initiate", doesn't answer the question asked by the poll, unless we are to assume that preference to mean "I never want her to initiate".

And not to put too fine a point on it, but if all men had selected the "never" option, the charge leveled would be that those men weren't secure enough for a sexually assertive woman - so its a no win thing in that regard. My preference for initiating doesn't mean I never want her to initiate, or that I'm unreceptive to it.


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## norajane

So what does "I prefer to be the initiator in sex" mean in the poll if it doesn't mean that the guy wants to be the initiator most or all of the time?

What is the purpose of that poll option then?


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## DvlsAdvc8

norajane said:


> So what does "I prefer to be the initiator in sex" mean in the poll if it doesn't mean that the guy wants to be the initiator most or all of the time?
> 
> What is the purpose of that poll option then?


See, you did it too! "most" 

If "most" is true, then there is still an allowance for her initiating and thus a way that one would prefer her to do it when she does.

The poll was poorly constructed. The only wording of that final option that would have made sense is "I never want her to initiate." I prefer to initiate, so I'm technically included in that final option as originally worded... but I enjoy when she does it on occasion. I want to be the majority initiator, not the sole initiator. So given that I'm open to her occasionally initiating, I will have a preference for how she does it. A single choice poll should be composed of mutually exclusive options. The low number of selections for that final options, imo, reflects the poor fit of the option to the question - and its overlap with how one would prefer a woman to initiate, even if only a fraction of the time for a guy who prefers to initiate.


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## jaquen

Norajane, and seemingly the majority of posters, I do believe understood the wording just fine.

This old ass poll asks the question "How do you prefer a woman to initiate". Even if you are the sole initiator "most" of the time, the first three options cover any initiation from a woman, regardless of frequency. The poll wasn't constructed to ascertain frequency of initiation, just type of initiation under any circumstances where a husband would enjoy initiation.

In the context of the poll the wording of the final option is clear, as the previous three options cover any level of initiation from a woman, regardless of frequency. "Never" would be redundant at best, pandering at worst.


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## Horsa

My wife will only initiated aggresively when I was mad/angry about something she did. It was like her way of apologizing, kind of make up sex. And I liked it alot when she took control.
Mostly she will initiated subtly, like wearing a low cut dress/t-shirt that give the glimpse ot her cleavage and breasts. Or asking me to join her for a hot shower. Her subtle initiation start after 7-10 days from our last romp.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## just got it 55

I Notice The Details said:


> I would love for my wife to be more aggressive and just take me, but that is not her personality.
> 
> I do like it when she chooses something provocative to wear...or even something simple like an oversize cotton tank top without a bra along with a pair of silky panties that are peeking out below her shirt as she walks around the house. I love when she teases me...this is her normal way of initiating. She knows I can't take my eyes off of her when she does this.


INTD....Your makin da widdle fellar twitch

55


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## DvlsAdvc8

jaquen said:


> Norajane, and seemingly the majority of posters, I do believe understood the wording just fine.
> 
> This old ass poll asks the question "How do you prefer a woman to initiate". *Even if you are the sole initiator "most" of the time, the first three options cover any initiation from a woman, regardless of frequency*. The poll wasn't constructed to ascertain frequency of initiation, just type of initiation under any circumstances where a husband would enjoy initiation.
> 
> In the context of the poll the wording of the final option is clear, as the previous three options cover any level of initiation from a woman, regardless of frequency. "Never" would be redundant at best, pandering at worst.


:scratchhead:

Did Norajane understand the wording? Because her post calls out doublespeak - claiming preference for initiation elsewhere, but not selecting "I prefer to initiate" in this poll.

I interpreted your intent for the option as "never". I prefer to initiate, but that doesn't mean I don't have a preference for how she initiates when she does. Make sense?


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## ChargingCharlie

I don't bother initiating - there's no point. All that will happen is that she'll lay there hoping that I'll finish right away so that she can go back to her games or go to sleep. 

If she wants sex (which is never), she knows where to find me. I'm not going to initiate duty sex. If I need it that bad, I can use the hand (which certainly isn't the preferred way).


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## xakulax

Ideally you would want it to be 50 50 but if given a choice I would prefer obvious and aggressive


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## jaquen

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I interpreted your intent for the option as "never".


Which is absolutely correct.



DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I prefer to initiate, but that doesn't mean I don't have a preference for how she initiates when she does. Make sense?


Yes, which is why you'd select one of the other options that cover how you like a woman to initiate...when she does.


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## capstone4019

RichieBanks said:


> We've been married for 42 years and their are two events that stand out about this survey.
> 
> 1. We'd been married about 10 years and while I was talking to my mother on the phone, my wife took my **** out and gave me a blowjob. That was just so out of character for her and I loved it!
> 
> 2. I came home from work one day and the couch was made out into a bed in front of the fireplace. Now that would have been cool enough but..., the video camera was set up on the tripod beside the bed. Way cool!
> 
> I can think of a couple of things now that would make me interested in my wife again. But, honestly, I know it won't happen.
> 
> 1. I'd love to be in some public place and have her take my hand and brush it across her pubic area and me feel the she has a strap-on or our feeldoe on.
> 
> 2. Her to have a DVD or thumbdrive by my computer some morning with a sexy note to watch it. And, when I do, it's her and some friend that we both know and trust having some form of sex.


My wife's idea of initiating has changed over the years - before kids I got the dance of a 7 veils one day when I came home from work. The last time, she simply laid her had across my shoulder. I recently read that women are not wired to be initiators of sex. I bought that because my wife has only truly initiated twice (the aforementioned). Her idea is to be available, which she does by coming to bed without panties. Still, I have to reach over to 'see' that she's not wearing them.


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## jaquen

capstone4019 said:


> I recently read that women are not wired to be initiators of sex.


Which makes little sense considering that there are plenty of female initiators. I'm married to one. So if females aren't wired to be initiators than how can so many biological exceptions exists?


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## murphy5

this is sound advice from Grace Jones:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPkhh5JytYE


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## BostonBruins32

my wife is really subtle about it. 

in bed, she'll roll over facing the opposite way and then slowly work her backside into me.. if I dont notice, she'll push it harder into me.

Ive always been the initating one, with like a 90% rejection rate. Sometimes subtlely, sometimes aggressively. I havent initiated in months now, as I've lost interest in trying.


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## Thound

I wish she would be in bed naked in a provocitive position and say " cmon big daddy momma needs some" or just sit on my face. Either way Im good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound

Oh by the way, its never going to happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omgitselaine

After our two boys are in bed asleep and hubby is downstairs watching TV .......

I've found that putting on a teddy , thongs , high heels and a smile ....... then prancing into the family room ummmmm worked very well


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## over20

Your such a great wife E!!


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## BostonBruins32

omgitselaine said:


> After our two boys are in bed asleep and hubby is downstairs watching TV .......
> 
> I've found that putting on a teddy , thongs , high heels and a smile ....... then prancing into the family room ummmmm worked very well


with all do respect OMGITSELAINE... your posts on here remind me of how most women i've dated are in the presence of others.. flirty in public for a reaction or a "wow what a lucky man", then different at home. similar to that old "oh i love watching sports" comment when hanging out with the guys, followed up by growling at home when the husband puts it on.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Ha... a little snarky/bitter... but I had to laugh 'cause it's kinda true of some women I know.


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## omgitselaine

BostonBruins32 said:


> with all do respect OMGITSELAINE... your posts on here remind me of how most women i've dated are in the presence of others.. flirty in public for a reaction or a "wow what a lucky man", then different at home. similar to that old "oh i love watching sports" comment when hanging out with the guys, followed up by growling at home when the husband puts it on.


Understoood .......... though I do hate , hate sports  !!


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## BostonBruins32

Please ignore the ramblings of a bitter husband
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## skype

Time for Omgitsjoe to weigh in here!


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## Therealbrighteyes

BostonBruins32 said:


> with all do respect OMGITSELAINE... your posts on here remind me of how most women i've dated are in the presence of others.. flirty in public for a reaction or a "wow what a lucky man", then different at home. similar to that old "oh i love watching sports" comment when hanging out with the guys, followed up by growling at home when the husband puts it on.


Why is this so difficult to believe? Many women love sex and all that comes with it.


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## jaquen

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Why is this so difficult to believe? Many women love sex and all that comes with it.


Sure they do.

It's just tough for some guys who stay, or stayed, married to sexless drips to believe that the holy grail of a sex hungry woman exists.

I think it's easier, after a while, to cope with your situation if you can just believe that said unicorns don't _really_ exist. 

In my experience it's not much different than fat people who swear that losing weight is "impossible", despite the plethora of people who do.


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## Therealbrighteyes

jaquen said:


> Sure they do.
> 
> It's just tough for some guys who stay, or stayed, married to sexless drips to believe that the holy grail of a sex hungry woman exists.
> 
> I think it's easier, after a while, to cope with your situation if you can just believe that said unicorns don't _really_ exist.
> 
> In my experience it's not much different than fat people who swear that losing weight is "impossible", despite the plethora of people who do.


I agree with you that our only frame of reference is our own experiences. It was just weird to me that it was so surprising to him.


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## jaquen

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I agree with you that our only frame of reference is our own experiences. It was just weird to me that it was so surprising to him.


Message boards have opened me to a lot of people who truly have come to believe that their reality equals objective reality.

Like the one poster who I had a debate with who swore that because she fakes orgasms, all women fake orgasms, and all women can only orgasm the way she does. She really thought all the men, and even women, who offered different experiences were lying. Couldn't be convinced otherwise.


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## Therealbrighteyes

jaquen said:


> Message boards have opened me to a lot of people who truly have come to believe that their reality equals objective reality.
> 
> Like the one poster who I had a debate with who swore that because she fakes orgasms, all women fake orgasms, and all women can only orgasm the way she does. She really thought all the men, and even women, who offered different experiences were lying. Couldn't be convinced otherwise.


Whoa. That is a very narrow way of thinking but as the saying goes, your reality isn't my reality.


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## treyvion

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Why is this so difficult to believe? Many women love sex and all that comes with it.


These type of women deserve praise and glory, halleluh!:smthumbup:


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## Therealbrighteyes

treyvion said:


> These type of women deserve praise and glory, halleluh!:smthumbup:


I disagree. Rewarding behavior that is normal and natural shouldn't be a thing.


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## Personal

BostonBruins32 said:


> with all do respect OMGITSELAINE... your posts on here remind me of how most women i've dated are in the presence of others.. flirty in public for a reaction or a "wow what a lucky man", then different at home. similar to that old "oh i love watching sports" comment when hanging out with the guys, followed up by growling at home when the husband puts it on.


It is such a shame BostonBruins32, that most of the women you have dated have been like that.

That hasn't been my experience at all. I've been married twice and have had a number of relationships with the longest being over 18 years so far. All of the women I have been with, have been flirty at home while most but not all have been flirty in public.

As to sport my first wife was the only one that expressed any interest in sport publicly or privately. Whereas all of my partners (excepting a few women who were one night stands ????) including my ex wife loved art, literature, music and theatre wether home alone or out with others.


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## Personal

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I disagree. Rewarding behavior that is normal and natural shouldn't be a thing.


Exactly! Such behaviour has been very normal in my experience.


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## Personal

jaquen said:


> Sure they do.
> 
> It's just tough for some guys who stay, or stayed, married to sexless drips to believe that the holy grail of a sex hungry woman exists.
> 
> I think it's easier, after a while, to cope with your situation if you can just believe that said unicorns don't _really_ exist.
> 
> In my experience it's not much different than fat people who swear that losing weight is "impossible", despite the plethora of people who do.


Great explanation, in my experience they're not unicorns. It really is normal for women to willingly desire, pursue and enjoy sex.


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## Personal

As to the question of how do you prefer a woman to initiate sex?

I say anyway they want, variety is fun, from a certain come hither look all the way through to the direct verbal I want you/to fick me all work just fine. Not forgetting such things as revealing oneself through to presenting oneself naked as well etc.

It's all fun and it all works, my wife has no problem letting me know when she wants sex as I likewise have no problem letting her know.


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## Lon

*Re: Re: Men! How Do You Prefer a Woman to Initiate Sex?*



Personal said:


> Great explanation, in my experience they're not unicorns. It really is normal for women to willingly desire, pursue and enjoy sex.


...with men that they find attractive.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I agree with you that our only frame of reference is our own experiences. It was just weird to me that it was so surprising to him.


You've never known that woman who exaggerates her sexuality for attention? Its the female version of the guy who brags about how much he gets laid... probably with about the same amount of truth.

I know women enjoy sex, but I also know plenty who play it up as their differentiator from the perception that most women aren't overtly sexual and its virtually always a form of attention seeking or ego boost.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Lon said:


> ...with men that they find attractive.


That goes without saying no?


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## Therealbrighteyes

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> You've never known that woman who exaggerates her sexuality for attention? Its the female version of the guy who brags about how much he gets laid... probably with about the same amount of truth.
> 
> I know women enjoy sex, but I also know plenty who play it up as their differentiator from the perception that most women aren't overtly sexual and its virtually always a form of attention seeking or ego boost.


Of course I have encountered women who are teases but he seemed a bit shocked that there were women who weren't.


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## Lon

*Re: Re: Men! How Do You Prefer a Woman to Initiate Sex?*



DvlsAdvc8 said:


> That goes without saying no?


I was just trying to allude the absurdity of the idea back to a guy that is generally unattractive to women (no looks, no charm, no humor, no cash and no means of providing). For him, of course it makes sense that women are not sexual beings, that the only reason they would exude sexuality is to get one of their "actual" ie nonsexual needs met. It is no wonder why such a guy would also be misogynistic.

Disclaimer: I am not referring to you BB32, you have enough good traits, obviously since like the rest of us on here you've made it as far as TAM.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Of course I have encountered women who are teases but he seemed a bit shocked that there were women who weren't.


Well, he did qualify it... "most women i've dated". So I took it as expression of frustration - and Elaine's post as a trigger.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Lon said:


> I was just trying to allude the absurdity of the idea back to a guy that is generally unattractive to women (no looks, no charm, no humor, no cash and no means of providing). For him, of course it makes sense that women are not sexual beings...


The only problem I have with that, is that you'd think that even if a guy is unattractive, there is some female of like attractiveness out there for him who would disprove the notion that women are not sexual beings.

Else we're to think that less attractive people are all dissatisfied, non sexual beings, because they all demand more attractive than themselves.

I mean, it should all average out right? People finding like partners.


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## BostonBruins32

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Well, he did qualify it... "most women i've dated". So I took it as expression of frustration - and Elaine's post as a trigger.


it just reminded me..thats all

my friends and I always joked, the women we date love the Bruins and Patriots...until the honeymoon period is over, then its back to HGTV  its not universal, it was just that elaine's commentary reminds me of said women that my friends and I joke about.

Surely some of the women here have met men who are heavy hitters at thier job..until 9 months later they find out that the men are cubicle monkeys. same thing. 

Its not universal. It's simply an observation from experience.


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## jaquen

Nobody is universally unattractive. There is literally always somebody for someone else.

The problems arise when people become solely concentrated on attracting those who aren't likely to find them attractive. Then, and only then, does it feel like nobody wants you. Well no, there are people who want you, you just don't want them.


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## Lon

*Re: Re: Men! How Do You Prefer a Woman to Initiate Sex?*



DvlsAdvc8 said:


> The only problem I have with that, is that you'd think that even if a guy is unattractive, there is some female of like attractiveness out there for him who would disprove the notion that women are not sexual beings.
> 
> Else we're to think that less attractive people are all dissatisfied, non sexual beings, because they all demand more attractive than themselves.
> 
> I mean, it should all average out right? People finding like partners.


You have forgotten the 20/80 rule?


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## I Notice The Details

High heels and a feisty smile....and nothing else.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Lon said:


> You have forgotten the 20/80 rule?


Sure, but eventually she's going to stop going after the 20... because most women want more than just getting laid.


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## treyvion

BostonBruins32 said:


> it just reminded me..thats all
> 
> my friends and I always joked, the women we date love the Bruins and Patriots...until the honeymoon period is over, then its back to HGTV  its not universal, it was just that elaine's commentary reminds me of said women that my friends and I joke about.
> 
> Surely some of the women here have met men who are heavy hitters at thier job..until 9 months later they find out that the men are cubicle monkeys. same thing.
> 
> Its not universal. It's simply an observation from experience.


What are you saying? That men who work in cubicles are less attractive than what? Less attractive than executives? Less attractive than warehouse workers? Less attractive than atheletes? Less attractive than cops?

People have to work.


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## Lon

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Sure, but eventually she's going to stop going after the 20... because most women want more than just getting laid.


That is what BB32's concern was specifically about, that TRBE was refuting.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Lon said:


> That is what BB32's concern was specifically about, that TRBE was refuting.


What was I refuting? I said plenty of women like sex. I'm confused.


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## Lon

*Re: Re: Men! How Do You Prefer a Woman to Initiate Sex?*



Therealbrighteyes said:


> What was I refuting? I said plenty of women like sex. I'm confused.


Yes, you were refuting BB32's comment that flirty women are often not after sex with their husbands.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Lon said:


> Yes, you were refuting BB32's comment that flirty women are often not after sex with their husbands.


The sequence of posts. 

Elaine: After our two boys are in bed asleep and hubby is downstairs watching TV, I've found that putting on a teddy , thongs , high heels and a smile ....... then prancing into the family room ummmmm worked very well. 

BB32 wrote: "With all do respect OMGITSELAINE... your posts on here remind me of how most women i've dated are in the presence of others.. flirty in public for a reaction or a "wow what a lucky man", then different at home. similar to that old "oh i love watching sports" comment when hanging out with the guys, followed up by growling at home when the husband puts it on".

My response: Why is this so difficult to believe? Many women love sex and all that comes with it.

I have no idea why you got what you did out of my post. My context was in relation to Elaine having sex with her husband. No, I never wrote what you claimed I did. I wrote the exact opposite of that.


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## lovelost2soon

I'm just here for the comments


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## Lon

Then personal commented sexual women are not unicorns, then I elaborated about with men they actually find attractive, then Dvl commented about like finding like, then I mentioned the 80/20 rule, then Dvl replied about women settling for the 80, to which I suggested just like BB32 Pointed out at the beginning. I just steered the dialog full circle back to your comment is all. Didn't mean to take anything you wrote out of context bright eyes. Just playing on what BB32 was writing.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Lon said:


> Then personal commented sexual women are not unicorns, then I elaborated about with men they actually find attractive, then Dvl commented about like finding like, then I mentioned the 80/20 rule, then Dvl replied about women settling for the 80, to which I suggested just like BB32 Pointed out at the beginning. I just steered the dialog full circle back to your comment is all. Didn't mean to take anything you wrote out of context bright eyes. Just playing on what BB32 was writing.


Gak! I just re-read your previous comment and I was wrong. I misread what you wrote and I am very sorry about that. Lordy, I have been putting off gets some specs and clearly I need them. My eyes aren't as bright as they used to be. :banghead:


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## Lon

*Re: Re: Men! How Do You Prefer a Woman to Initiate Sex?*



Therealbrighteyes said:


> Gak! I just re-read your previous comment and I was wrong. I misread what you wrote and I am very sorry about that. Lordy, I have been putting off gets some specs and clearly I need them. My eyes aren't as bright as they used to be. :banghead:


No biggie, I wasn't being all that careful what I wrote either, and will admit it probably wasn't clear. I agree with you that there are many attractive ladies that actually like sex and sports, but I'm sure you don't need convincing since you are one. There are also a lot of c0ckteases out there.


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## BostonBruins32

treyvion said:


> What are you saying? That men who work in cubicles are less attractive than what? Less attractive than executives? Less attractive than warehouse workers? Less attractive than atheletes? Less attractive than cops?
> 
> People have to work.


oops. the analogy may have been lost here. 

My point was that sometimes people say or do things in public(for attention or to hook someone), but reality behind closed doors is different.


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## Wolf1974

Personally always liked it when the GF straps on the chain mail armor, holds her shield high with one hand while pounding her chest with the other. All while giving her best Scottish warrior yell. Isn't this how all women do it?


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## I Notice The Details

Passionate kissing is always a good way to start in our home. 

My wife wearing something a little provocative to see if I will notice is good too.


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## 4x4

I was flipping through good old rock videos on youtube and one reminded me of this thread.

Joan Jett - Do You Wanna Touch Me

Near the end when she looks at the camera and sings "Touch me there, you know where, yeah..."

SO HOT! I like flirty too, but direct is the best. Tell your man when you want it and the you want him to give it to you!

My wife has 0 libido, so only in my dreams :rofl:


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## JCD

jaquen said:


> What approach works best for you?


I prefer her to initiate as many times as I want her to and not a single time more or less. And if she loved me, REALLY loved me, she would know exactly when and how to do it. She would know exactly when I want normal sex, when I want a change and would be sensitive to when I wanted to be alone.

She should also know (without my telling her, of course) when my refusal means I am not interested and when my refusal means that she should, in fact, try harder.

I believe in gender equality after all...


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## badcompany

I'd like a mix of the 2 and voted as such.
There's times I've fantasized about tossing a gal up on the counter and going after it, and other times I'd like to be pushed back onto a chair, unzipped, and mounted....


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## badder2

My wife has never been comfortable initiating. Just not her. But when she does do it (jumped in the shower with me last week) it is extra special because it is so uncommon.


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## marriedandlonely

A long time ago but fond memories just plonking herself on my lap and a very suggestive wriggle and walk away with THAT look


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## newbees

Teasing, chasing, and seduction that's the way I love to a woman to initiate sex.


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## arbitrator

My all-time favorite is with her being blunt! My skanky XW showed up on one particular occasion in the city I was in. She greeted me in the foyer of the room that I was staying in by bluntly kissing me right then and there, then proceeding to quickly unzip me and "going to town"; not even realizing that we were expecting dinner company at any minute- which really didn't seem to bother her in the very least.

She acted both annoyed and offended when I pulled the "bait" out of her mouth.

Needless to say, she never ever tried doing that again.


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