# Frustrated with husband



## AMcVety (Apr 1, 2019)

So my husband (43) is a very outgoing and charismatic person. Sometimes after work he goes to a local watering hole and has a few bevvys and chats with the waitresses & bartenders, that’s how he met me (I’ll add they are all early 20’s and super cute) 
I noticed on Instagram that he was following 3 of them and they were following him back. Now I know it’s stupid to fight over Instagram, but does my husband have any business following young girls that he corresponds with on a weekly basis? We had an argument about it and I basically said I found it disrespectful that a married man with a family would find it necessary to have any type of correspondence with the cute young girls that serve him drinks....am I being a crazy wife or am I justified in thinking he shouldn’t? (He has since deleted Instagram)


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I think you're right to question him, and I think his attitude about it all is a problem. 

I also believe that married individuals should guard their marriages, and that opposite sex 'friends' are unnecessary and cause problems.

Why does a married man need to go hang out at a bar _without his wife_ and flirt with young women? That's nonsense.

Seems like he's playing bachelor.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

AMcVety said:


> So my husband (43) is a very outgoing and charismatic person. Sometimes after work he goes to a local watering hole and has a few bevvys and chats with the waitresses & bartenders, that’s how he met me (I’ll add they are all early 20’s and super cute)
> I noticed on Instagram that he was following 3 of them and they were following him back. Now I know it’s stupid to fight over Instagram, but does my husband have any business following young girls that he corresponds with on a weekly basis? We had an argument about it and I basically said I found it disrespectful that a married man with a family would find it necessary to have any type of correspondence with the cute young girls that serve him drinks....am I being a crazy wife or am I justified in thinking he shouldn’t? (He has since deleted Instagram)


Speaking as a middle aged husband myself, I can honestly say I would never consider following a cute 20-something on instagram or any other social media. 

Good to hear he deleted Instagram. Maybe he was just clueless and now has a clue.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Good for you for speaking up about it, it really wasnt appropriate.


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## AMcVety (Apr 1, 2019)

Thanks for the replies everyone. I’m very new at this whole online forum thing. 
I’m glad to know that I’m not being a crazy person and that he truly has no business doing what he was doing.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

i have (and had) a number of male friends like this, and it almost always leads to trouble. and then, they wonder why?!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Traveling frequently with business and whether local or on the road following cuties on Instagram is a big no-no for a married man.

Going out to local watering holes without you can also be a constant source of having cuties in a whole other life, at beck and call.

That's a sure recipe for an eventual affair. 

Personal experience, when I was traveling and with business would constantly be at hotel and hotspots "in the guide of building business relationships" fresh opportunities were always present. 

As an outgoing person, well dressed, and have been called attractive by others, there are virtually opportunities to dabble in every locale and every environment when traveling. My business strength is I can talk to anybody any time and make it a point to remember names and interests.

Every barmaid, waitress, or fellow hotel customer were all just opportunities for a drink or date. 

And some are harder to reject than others, especially when traveling frequently enough to the same cuties where I was on a first name basis with airline, rental car agents, hotel staff and local favorite restaurants and bars.

I would dance with others when in a group and we'd see who could get a strange woman to dance, just as a sort of game.

Before my M, I'd always go out to hotel bars than local dance spots just because the hunting was good.

After M, and it still seemed "normal" or at least not wrong, to have phone numbers for interesting parties of the opposite sex to have as dinner partners when in different cities, I had to put the brakes on things, before they got out of hand.

I had to get my head straight and make the conscious decision my actions were dangerously close to "crossing, the line" or what I believed was good behavior for a M man.

I straightened up and flied right before issues. As all married men should. 

All this to say; there are a lot of red flags in your information. 

It's easy to zig the wrong way when there are constant new tasty morsels put right in front of you.

These are things to be concerned about as any normal spouse would.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What are you going to do about it?


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

AMcVety said:


> So my husband (43) is a very outgoing and charismatic person. Sometimes after work he goes to a local watering hole and has a few bevvys and chats with the waitresses & bartenders, that’s how he met me (I’ll add they are all early 20’s and super cute)
> I noticed on Instagram that he was following 3 of them and they were following him back. Now I know it’s stupid to fight over Instagram, but does my husband have any business following young girls that he corresponds with on a weekly basis? We had an argument about it and I basically said I found it disrespectful that a married man with a family would find it necessary to have any type of correspondence with the cute young girls that serve him drinks....am I being a crazy wife or am I justified in thinking he shouldn’t? (He has since deleted Instagram)


You did the right thing.

Your husband can have friends, but they should be mutual friends - people whom you would feel comfortable to be around with. 

If your husband make a new female friend, he should inform you and/or introduce you to her. Not behind your back. And if you disapprove of somebody, then he should respect your decision.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

not appropriate !!!!!!!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

He's a bit long in the tooth for having 20 something cuties on his Instagram. You are right to question him. If he doesn't follow through, get a few young hottie males of your own and tell him that what's good for the gander is also good for the goose. He needs to be watched.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

aine said:


> He's a bit long in the tooth for having 20 something cuties on his Instagram. You are right to question him. If he doesn't follow through, get a few young hottie males of your own and tell him that what's good for the gander is also good for the goose. He needs to be watched.


Yeah that cougar stuff gets those young boys all wound up like a spring >>>>


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

AMcVety said:


> So my husband (43) is a very outgoing and charismatic person. Sometimes after work he goes to a local watering hole and has a few bevvys and chats with the waitresses & bartenders, that’s how he met me (I’ll add they are all early 20’s and super cute)
> I noticed on Instagram that he was following 3 of them and they were following him back. Now I know it’s stupid to fight over Instagram, but does my husband have any business following young girls that he corresponds with on a weekly basis? We had an argument about it and I basically said I found it disrespectful that a married man with a family would find it necessary to have any type of correspondence with the cute young girls that serve him drinks....am I being a crazy wife or am I justified in thinking he shouldn’t? (He has since deleted Instagram)


I concur that it is disrespectful to you and the marriage specifically if you advise your H you are not comfortable with following young women on Instagram. Further, there is no reason for a married man(just my opinion) to be going to bars after work. If one wants a drink to relax after work do so at home with one's W.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

AMcVety said:


> Thanks for the replies everyone. I’m very new at this whole online forum thing.
> I’m glad to know that I’m not being a crazy person and that he truly has no business doing what he was doing.


You are mate guarding. Perfectly acceptable. BTW, your H electronic devices should be open to your at any time. All passwords known. There is no privacy in marriage except bathroom time. So, randomly ask to see your H phone and see what his reaction is. He should hand it over without hesitation.


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## AMcVety (Apr 1, 2019)

Thanks for all the insight everyone. We have spent the last 2 days talking about it. I truly think he was clueless about doing anything wrong. I then put myself in a senario where I was going out and having a few drinks and chatting with young attractive men who I then added to Instagram and it was like a lightbulb went off for him. 
In the meantime, I’ll still be keeping my eyes and ears open!


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

AMcVety said:


> Thanks for all the insight everyone. We have spent the last 2 days talking about it. I truly think he was clueless about doing anything wrong. I then put myself in a senario where I was going out and having a few drinks and chatting with young attractive men who I then added to Instagram and it was like a lightbulb went off for him.
> In the meantime, I’ll still be keeping my eyes and ears open!


If your husband was "clueless" that he was doing anything wrong why did he lie about it? OP you are looking for a reason to believe and trust him, but you are being nieve, he knew exactly what he was doing and why it was/is wrong. He did it because he thought he would get away with it, and it looks like he was right.


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## AMcVety (Apr 1, 2019)

If your husband was "clueless" that he was doing anything wrong why did he lie about it? OP you are looking for a reason to believe and trust him, but you are being nieve, he knew exactly what he was doing and why it was/is wrong. He did it because he thought he would get away with it, and it looks like he was right.[/QUOTE]


He didn’t lie about anything. The fact that he added these girls was out in the open and I saw it. He saw that it bugged me so he deleted Instagram. What he didn’t understand was the big deal about it, which I explained in great deal what the big deal was and he then understood. There wasn’t any lies.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So he lets you check his phone?


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Every relationship is different. I have read about some people that won't meet one-on-one with a person of the opposite sex. (I have no clue how that works in a professional environment, particular with supervisory relationships.) You guys need to work out rules of engagement that leave you both comfortable.

I have lots of female friends and my wife has lots of male friends. We're both very open with each other about our friendships and neither hides any communication. We're very comfortable with it. I know other people that wouldn't be. Every relationship is different.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

> We're both very open with each other about our friendships and neither hides any communication.


That is the key difference


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## Lillee (Mar 31, 2019)

Yeswecan said:


> There is no privacy in marriage except bathroom time.


You get privacy in the bathroom? Man, we haven’t had that for the last 20 years.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Lillee said:


> You get privacy in the bathroom? Man, we haven’t had that for the last 20 years.


If we are taking care of natures processes, yes. Door closed and thanks. Simply a shower and getting ready for the day or bed we share. If my W is taking a bath I don't roll in on her. I stay away so she may have some quiet time. Often she ask me to join in, so much for quiet time. :grin2:


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

AMcVety said:


> If your husband was "clueless" that he was doing anything wrong why did he lie about it? OP you are looking for a reason to believe and trust him, but you are being nieve, he knew exactly what he was doing and why it was/is wrong. He did it because he thought he would get away with it, and it looks like he was right.



He didn’t lie about anything. The fact that he added these girls was out in the open and I saw it. He saw that it bugged me so he deleted Instagram. What he didn’t understand was the big deal about it, which I explained in great deal what the big deal was and he then understood. There wasn’t any lies.[/QUOTE]

My apologizes! Sorry I falsely accused your husband of lying, my little brain combined two separate threads.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

FalCod said:


> Every relationship is different. I have read about some people that won't meet one-on-one with a person of the opposite sex. (I have no clue how that works in a professional environment, particular with supervisory relationships.) You guys need to work out rules of engagement that leave you both comfortable.
> 
> I have lots of female friends and my wife has lots of male friends. We're both very open with each other about our friendships and neither hides any communication. We're very comfortable with it. I know other people that wouldn't be. Every relationship is different.


One woman I heard about always made sure that she left her office door open when she had a meeting with a man alone. There are many wise things we can do to avoid such situations.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

AMcVety said:


> So my husband (43) is a very outgoing and charismatic person. Sometimes after work he goes to a local watering hole and has a few bevvys and chats with the waitresses & bartenders, that’s how he met me (I’ll add they are all early 20’s and super cute)
> I noticed on Instagram that he was following 3 of them and they were following him back. Now I know it’s stupid to fight over Instagram, but does my husband have any business following young girls that he corresponds with on a weekly basis? We had an argument about it and I basically said I found it disrespectful that a married man with a family would find it necessary to have any type of correspondence with the cute young girls that serve him drinks....am I being a crazy wife or am I justified in thinking he shouldn’t? (He has since deleted Instagram)


I do not think it relevant that they are cute. The equation would still be valid if they were not at all cute. The integrity of your relationship with your husband has its own unique bounds which you both should know and respect. 

What was his reason for following these girls and letting them follow him?


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

turnera said:


> So he lets you check his phone?


We actually swap phone every two weeks. If you ring one of us you cannot assume which one is going to answer the phone. The history behind that is when, in 2009, my husband gave his number out at an event where he was one of the speakers. This resulted in some unwanted attention and we solved by swapping phones. The two phones have an app to screen unsolicited calls and we update our contact lists to be the same as much as possible. 

My cousin and his wife also swap phones regularly.


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