# Hello, first post



## TrailTrekker (10 mo ago)

Hi everyone!
Happy to join the board! I’m a mid 40’s dad, married 21 years, Three kids aged 20, 17, 16.

I look forward to chatting with you, and I’m especially interested in empty nest topics and tips. We’re a couple years away from that, but I’m starting to feel the kids growing up and home less, and I want to be prepared for this next phase of life.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Welcome to TAM! Glad to have another voice to share experiences!


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## TrailTrekker (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Welcome to TAM! Glad to have another voice to share experiences!


Thanks so much!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Good to see you.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Welcome to TAM. The best suggestion I can give you about empty nest -- make sure you start (or continue) to do things with ONLY your wife NOW. Go shopping together, go out to dinner JUST the both of you (your kids are old enough to stay home), go out for a drive in the car together and just shoot the breeze.
KEEP making your wife your PRIMARY relationship. 
Maybe even develop a few new hobbies you can do together -- go for bike rides, walks, tennis (or pickel ball!!!) -- whatever you both feel you would like to do together.

If you talk, and continue to do things together, the transition is MUCH easier.....


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## TrailTrekker (10 mo ago)

jlg07 said:


> Welcome to TAM. The best suggestion I can give you about empty nest -- make sure you start (or continue) to do things with ONLY your wife NOW. Go shopping together, go out to dinner JUST the both of you (your kids are old enough to stay home), go out for a drive in the car together and just shoot the breeze.
> KEEP making your wife your PRIMARY relationship.
> Maybe even develop a few new hobbies you can do together -- go for bike rides, walks, tennis (or pickel ball!!!) -- whatever you both feel you would like to do together.
> 
> If you talk, and continue to do things together, the transition is MUCH easier.....


Thanks for the tips! I’ll admit it’s getting easier to get out and about as the teens are getting older. There seems to be a natural pulling away as they pursue their interests and friendships.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

TrailTrekker said:


> Thanks for the tips! I’ll admit it’s getting easier to get out and about as the teens are getting older. There seems to be a natural pulling away as they pursue their interests and friendships.


You might also consider your circle of friends. Any empty nesters in there? Things change for you when you’re an empty nester but it might not change for your friends. Maybe add an empty nester? My wife and I have this issue presently (small town problem, finding the right couple).


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

When my kids were little, we were very busy and life was hectic, I uses to dream about being empty-nesters. Now that we are, I'm finding it actually quite difficult. It also coincided with Covid and separation from my wife, so I have been feeling pretty lonely. That said, you will have more time to spend with your wife and enjoy life together. That's a big plus.


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## TrailTrekker (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> You might also consider your circle of friends. Any empty nesters in there? Things change for you when you’re an empty nester but it might not change for your friends. Maybe add an empty nester? My wife and I have this issue presently (small town problem, finding the right couple).


We have several friends with kids a few years younger, but that will be something to work on … new friends in similar stage of life, good point.


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## TrailTrekker (10 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> When my kids were little, we were very busy and life was hectic, I uses to dream about being empty-nesters. Now that we are, I'm finding it actually quite difficult. It also coincided with Covid and separation from my wife, so I have been feeling pretty lonely. That said, you will have more time to spend with your wife and enjoy life together. That's a big plus.


Similar thoughts with dreaming about life after kids too! We were married, and had our first 10 months later , and we were so busy working and finishing college back then… so we’ve never known anything but parenting … it will be something to get used to for sure!


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

I looked forward to the empty nest. Being able to travel and do things spur of the moment, having sex anywhere in the house, etc. Then, right before I retired, my son and his wife started having children, and for the next several years, my wife volunteered to babysit two or three days per week. Even after they started school, she would be taking them to school and bringing them home. Shot my idea of retirement and the empty nest. So much so that I went back to work for a few years. We're past all that now and I don't resent her having kept the kids (although I did some at the time). I just tell you this so as to not look too far into the future. The empty nest may be further away than you think.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Diceplayer said:


> I looked forward to the empty nest. Being able to travel and do things spur of the moment, having sex anywhere in the house, etc. Then, right before I retired, my son and his wife started having children, and for the next several years, my wife volunteered to babysit two or three days per week. Even after they started school, she would be taking them to school and bringing them home. Shot my idea of retirement and the empty nest. So much so that I went back to work for a few years. We're past all that now and I don't resent her having kept the kids (although I did some at the time). I just tell you this so as to not look too far into the future. The empty nest may be further away than you think.


The only way to have a totally empty nest is to be on your own...


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I wish I knew what empty nest looked like. I was looking forward to it. I had a failure to launch.... my daughter moved back in and is still here. I love her and glad we are in a position to help. MIL also moved in 10 years ago. 

We are like 7 years from retirement though so hopefully by then empty nest


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Anastasia6 said:


> I wish I knew what empty nest looked like. I was looking forward to it. I had a failure to launch.... my daughter moved back in and is still here. I love her and glad we are in a position to help. MIL also moved in 10 years ago.
> 
> We are like 7 years from retirement though so hopefully by then empty nest


My son moved back 2 years ago from Australia because of Covid. He is still here. He has a job, but can't move to London because it's too expensive. He is still working remotely. So, even if I still had a marriage, the nest wouldn't be empty...


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> I wish I knew what empty nest looked like. I was looking forward to it. I had a failure to launch.... my daughter moved back in and is still here. I love her and glad we are in a position to help. MIL also moved in 10 years ago.
> 
> We are like 7 years from retirement though so hopefully by then empty nest


7 years, same here. But my nest is empty and we enjoy every minute.
Grandkids are nice. But nice when they leave too


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