# Needs Advice



## losinghope12 (Jan 31, 2012)

I haven't even been married yet for a year, and I'm seriously beginning to question whether my wife wants to be in this marriage with me.

My wife quit her job approximately one year before we got married, I was not really given a say in the matter. She told me as I was literally falling asleep in the middle of the night that she had put in her two weeks notice. I suggested she look for a new job, but that was apparently never seriously considered. I make plenty of money to support us, but I dont think it is the healthiest thing in the world to hang out around the house all day every day, but I digress. I inevitably caved in, and told her to not work if it would make her happy.

I generally work 50+ hours a week (including weekends) and find myself doing all of the housework. I clean up after the pets, I vaccum, do the dishes, dust, laundry, all the yardwork, take out trash, go grocery shopping etc. On extremely rare occassions she might do the laundry, but it is up to me to fold it and put the laundry away. I dont find this to be fair whatsoever and have expressed this viewpoint, but it is met with open indifference or I'm given the spiel of 'I know I'm a terrible wife'. I've actually been told that she means to do housework but she always forgets about it on Fridays. For over the three years we've lived together??

The laziness doesn't end there, after 8 months of marriage she still hasn't bothered to go to the DMV or SS Office to get her last name changed, despite referring to herself with my last name, and always making fun of women who get married and keep their maiden names. She orders fast food probably 3-4 times a week but is too lazy to even pick it up, so its always delivered costing extra money plus tips.

She has always been an online gamer, but over the past 3-4 months it has picked up to the point where as soon as I walk in the door from work she is on the computer and says maybe 10 words to me all night before I go to bed. She used to actually go to bed with me, or at least chat with me before I went to sleep, before going back downstairs to play games. Now, she doesnt even bother to do that. She is up at all hours in the morning (4:30am is not out of the question) playing online games.

I have reiterated time and time again my desire for us to spend at least SOME time together, but that falls on deaf ears. Suffice it to say our sex life is also practically non-existent

About 2 months ago I was up at my normal time and she was still in bed and I heard a text message come into her cell phone at a early hour (8:30am). It was from a guy whose name I have never heard mentioned. My curiousity got the better of me, so I read through their most recent texts. They were extremely sexual in nature, devastated, I looked at the area code of this other man's cell phone to see if he was local or elsewhere. Thankfully, this man is halfway across the country so I dont think there is a serious threat of a physical relationship happening.

I confronted her about this, and she apologized, acknowledged it was inappropriate, and said she would tell him to stop talking to her. She is claiming when she is up late playing games, she gets "loopy", and that is where she met this man. After promising to break off communication, I have caught this man communicating with her on Facebook. I confronted her again, and she denied this was the same man (I am positive it was), and have been called a stalker. I dont know how I am a stalker as this communication was plainly visible on her FB wall. I am positive they still talk.

I know my wife suffers from depression, which I think is a contributing factor to some of her behavior. Not that I am trying to make excuses for her. I repeatedly ask her whats wrong with our marriage from her viewpoint, and she insists shes happy and there is nothing wrong. I dont really believe that, but if she wont tell me whats wrong, what can I do?

Sorry for the long post


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

First off, you do realize that a whole lot of people keep their cell phone numbers, even after they've moved halfway across the country? Just because it's a long distance area code doesn't mean this guy doesn't live on the next block. 

Second, what could she possibly be less than thrilled with about her marriage? You're her maid and her sugar daddy all wrapped into one and she doesn't even have to put out! She doesn't work, she doesn't clean, she doesn't cook...she sleeps when she wants, eats what she wants and buys what she wants. What can she complain about?

You need to make some boundaries. If she wants spending money, she needs to work. Otherwise cut the budget and take her name off accounts so she can't make changes. Cut off the internet and cable. Tell her she can figure out how to pay for them. Wash only your clothes and cook only your meals. Make her participate in adult life or come to peace with dragging her dead weight around for the next 60 years...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Get out now. You don't need that ****. Honestly. 

Leave her to her online games and BS flirting with some jerk she probably met on WOW or some nonsense.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

She sounds sick. She's probably depressed to start and not working, not having any structure and perpetually gaming hour after hour, day after day are NOT good things. 

I play WoW, as does my son (along with every other game out there) but we can stop and become part of the real world whenever we have to. It's like anything else..In moderation it's fun to do but when everything else is neglected or destroyed then it becomes an addiction and sickness and needs to be addressed. 

You wife is in real need of therapy, perhaps medical attention and she needs to get out of the house and get some structure in her life, such as a JOB. She will just keep falling deeper and deeper into the abyss known as depression if something doesn't change soon. You aren't doing her any favors by letting her go on like she is. 

I tend to agree with COGypsy. You have to stop enabling this behavior and establish boundaries in order to get her to realize that she can't keep acting in an unacceptable manner without consequences.


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