# Need advice, dating, living arrangements ...



## HopeinHouston

Ok, so I haven't been around here in quite awhile. I have gone through divorce after my ex-wife's serial infidelity. I am healed, I am doing very well actually. 

In fact I am in a very serious relationship now, with an extremely faithful Christian woman. We are both deeply in love and I'm going to propose to her on her birthday coming up. 

Here is where I need some advice though. My current job is one that has had me travelling all over the country. I basically do not have a home at the present time. I am in the process of being hired on to a new job, but the income is much lower than I am used to. This new job will give me a new start, close to my girlfriend/soon-to-be-fiance. 

The problem is that the lower income, coupled with child support and many other things will make things very tight for me. My girlfriend has offered for me to live with her, which I love the idea of, but I don't want to do anything wrong. 

My girlfriend is still a virgin, and we plan on her remaining that way until we are married. We have spent the night together several times, and although we are both attracted, sexually interested people, we take our faith seriously and I have never compromised anything. We love to kiss and cuddle, but I have never so much as fondled her breast, we are very careful with our boundaries. 

I like the idea of living together - love it even. But is it wise? It would solve alot of financial issues, for both of us (she has recently taken in her unemployed, divorced sister and niece and this has seriously stretched if not broken her budget, my second income would help her). 

Anyways ... thoughts, hopefully from a Christian perspective, would be most welcome.


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## accept

You seem to be with a lot of women in the house. I wouldnt advise it.


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## jgayle01

Absolutely not. If you truly love her, you will work hard to make sure you can take care of her. Moving in with her, her sister and her niece will NOT help, no matter what the perceived financial relief is. You say your income is getting smaller. How would you feel about that tiny little income taking care of you, your fiance and her family? Have you seriously thought about this living arrangement? If her sister is unemployed, do you think your fiance is going to boot them out so she can move her fiance in?
This is a recipe for disaster. After coming out of a bad marriage, you want the next time to have the best chance for success as possible. Instead of focusing on the short term financial relief, I would put more energy into preparing for life with my new bride as the husband who will move heaven and earth to guarantee her comfort and security. Moving in with her because you don't have a place to stay (let's just call it what it is) does not set that standard.
Your wife has maintained her purity in hopes of meeting the God-man that the Bible promised to her. Do you think THIS (the arrangement you described) is what God has in mind for his daughter? Living with her "fiance", her sister and her niece on piecemeal incomes?
If I were you, I'd truly pray about how prepared you are to be married again. I think you are rushing into this situation because of YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES, not just because of your newfound love.


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## COguy

If you move in with her, you might as well start having sex, since you're already married. Not saying that dogmatically, but you will feel obligated to take care of her and her family, so you're pot-committed at that point.

I think it is a bad idea. Dating and engagement is supposed to be a learning phase where you ensure you and your mate will make good life partners. If you over-commit and start financially supporting her and her family, and get to a point where you feel obligated to stay even if you aren't happy in the relationship, then you won't be in a healthy place to make sound relationship decisions.

Move in for the right reasons, engage for the right reasons, get married for the right reasons. Don't do any of the above for money.


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## luckycardinal

I would not move in the house with her. While it may temporarily solve some financial issues, it could definitely complicate things with your relationship. Also, from a Christian perspective, it could lead to sexual temptation. If you really want to do things the right way, then wait and don't move in together until you two get married.


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