# what about all his stuff?



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

When he left nine weeks ago he took a plastic shopping bag with jocks, socks and a couple of t-shirts. 
A week later he came and got some more. But that was it.
He has cars, tools, bikes, parts-so many things here.
I packed up all his clothes and they are sitting on the veranda in garbage bags.
Why won't he come and remove his things? He told my son that he had no room for it where he is staying.

He's asked to go to MC- but basically after the only conversation we have really had in all this time I was told I am to blame for all his misery. 
So I don't know whether it's just to make him feel better and he's doing it to look like a 'good guy'.
I'm too scared to ask why.
At the beginning he did not want any councelling at all. I go to IC for me.
I'm trying the 180 and it does help...but every time I pull in the driveway and see all his things I cringe, get angry or cry.

I'd take him back in a minute though- I'm having trouble believing that he didn't love me as much as I'd thought. Noone could fake it that long could they?
I think he's depressed.He is acting like a different person.
How do I handle this? Sorry, I'm just really confused.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

My estranged husband did much the same as yours. Even after almost five years, many of his personal belongings remained. Over the years, he would claim a few more of the items. The house was lost to foreclosure recently. And still he wouldn't come get the items which remained. Although he picked up some items one day, he promised to return the following day for the remaining stuff. He never returned the following day. Part of the belongings are now stored.

As for the marriage counseling, my estranged husband only wanted to go in hopes of getting an amicable divorce. I still, to this day, do not understand what was going through his mind. Depression is most likely part of the equation.

Don't dwell on understanding "why". I drove myself silly for the first year trying to figure out "why". Five years later, I still don't have an answer.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

*sighs. Thanks for your reply Aug. OMg five years! 

its all a bit hard really isnt it?

I think i just might put everything in one of his cars and ask him to come and get it by the middle of next week or I'm having a ebay sale.

Do you think it's worth asking him why he wants counceling now?


----------



## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

Could you rent a storage bin for a reasonable period (2 or even months?), send him the key/ code to the storage area and tell him you won't make any payments after that initial period?

It seems to me that you need to get the physical items out of your line of vision, and it would be best to move them off the property altogether.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

oncehisangel said:


> *sighs. Thanks for your reply Aug. OMg five years!
> 
> its all a bit hard really isnt it?
> 
> ...


It is very hard. For me, I believe it was all part of being in limbo. But, it never made sense. Why leave most belongings behind, but not file for divorce? It's almost like a child leaving home. They leave things and periodically come home and retrieve a few items.:scratchhead: Anyway, don't allow him to do you this way for more than a year. Speaking from experience, it's not healthy. Give him a date, then have a huge yard sale.

Go ahead and ask him what goals does he has for counseling. You really have nothing to lose by asking. However, if he is cheating, don't expect an honest answer.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

i have to sell our home now. and he's supposed to be coming to help fix it to get it on the market. 
I can't afford storage atm. Ive just closed down my business.

In our only real conversation regarding us..he actually said "and Im not having an affair or a midlife crisis" I could hear the anger sitting in that.

I just want to get the house organised. And get his stuff away first.

Ill ask him about his motivations for counceling. He had said "Im ready to talk'.

im just a mess today- and feeling very small


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

He's conflicted and doesn't really want to leave. He hasn't taken his stuff. He wants to go to counseling. Once the relationship is 100% dead, folks have no need for couple's counseling and they usually can't wait to remove their belongings. His property maintains his presence in the home and gives him a handy reason to pop back over from time to time.


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> He's conflicted and doesn't really want to leave. He hasn't taken his stuff. He wants to go to counseling. Once the relationship is 100% dead, folks have no need for couple's counseling and they usually can't wait to remove their belongings. His property maintains his presence in the home and gives him a handy reason to pop back over from time to time.


I can agree with this to a point. My stbxw wants me gone and talks more about splitting stuff than just about anything else. That may be the difference between one with an affair and one without, but in my limited experience a spouse who is "done" is all about getting things separated. 

That said, don't let the stuff sit around for too long. As AUG said, it isn't healthy. You would be giving him what he wants/needs with nothing in return. I don't see a reason to still have any of his stuff once the house is sold and you are in different places.


----------



## 94nole (Aug 2, 2012)

Couleur said:


> Could you rent a storage bin for a reasonable period (2 or even months?), send him the key/ code to the storage area and tell him you won't make any payments after that initial period?
> 
> It seems to me that you need to get the physical items out of your line of vision, and it would be best to move them off the property altogether.


hmmmm...I think you might be setting her up for credit knicks....you certainly can't make someone else responsible for an obligation you commit to.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Morning-I can't sleep.
Im averaging between three and four hour blocks at the moment.
I've actually torn up my sheet on my bed from running in my sleep.
I'ts ripped right down the middle. 
So, if this reply is a little chaotic-It's just because I'm, well, a little chaotic.

I just remembered something else he had said on the phonecall.
He had left his phone at his streetfighting class for a week.
He told me when he turned it on there were so many messages (none from me mind you) It irritated him. Many were from my family-mum, sister, our adult kids, friends-I said sorry-Im not responsible for them-they just love you.

He said 'I just wanted a few weeks to myself. That's it.' He was barely holding it together-I could hear the tears.

I know we have done it so hard-especially this last year.
He hasn't asked to separate anything. 
I don't know-guess I'll just put all his bike parts in his truck and clear some space.
I've got some friends and people at church who are willing to come and have a working bee on the house.
I think if he can see I don't want him having all the responsibilities-it would ease some of the pressure for him and make me feel better that at least the house is progressing.
I owe my mum and one girlfriend a fair bit of money for helping me with an expansion on my business so I won't be filing for bankruptcy. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't pay them back.
The house being sold will cover all debts and hopefully get me a new Harley and some cash for a new beginning. 
And I'll pay off a loan he had made to contribute to the shops. He wanted nothing more than that he said. Just the debt gone.

It's weird- when we had filled out the bank forms to freeze the mortgage-he was shaking. I had said, 'you know this list of hell...when the house sells it'll all be over.This financial stress. We could have the freedom to do those things we wanted.'

He had nodded and said "its going to be alright ok.'

But something happened between then and the next time I saw him. He couldn't look me in the eye and the anger had come. He has this massive wall up-can't get away fast enough-no eye contact-no hugs like his earlier visits.

We have this stupid physical energy between us. On the first few visits-he would stand close after hugging me and you could feel it-sizzling between us. 
But now it's lke he's running away from that-like he doesn't want to remember.

I just miss the bastard.
And his stuff is everywhere waving at me that he's not here.

On a positive note-we are both motorbike riders-I was a big girl and joined two riders in groups in my city yesterday. Im terrified-he's always been my riding partner and we have so many amazing memories. We hadn't been on a ride since April together. 
Funny-my bike isn't starting and I'm going crazy-he said it's the battery I'll come and fix it. But I'm not holding my breath. I feel like I'm the one in lock-down now.

On day three-his first visit after he left. He said "i want you to call me if you go on a ride-so I know where you are and that you're ok."

I said "No-I don't need to do that any more."
He dropped his head, small smile and nodded.

He contradicts himself all the time. For every negative -I'm now throwing him a positive. It's getting longer between contact-but I have to admit-the last few times I have been quite neutral in the way I talk to him. He is used to love from me. Not coolness.

LIfe is too hard. We have done it too hard. 

Thanks for all your advice- it's nice to have other minds contributing to this mess. 
Now-if I could only sleep, hey ?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

lostinspaces said:


> I can agree with this to a point. My stbxw wants me gone and talks more about splitting stuff than just about anything else. That may be the difference between one with an affair and one without, but in my limited experience a spouse who is "done" is all about getting things separated.
> 
> That said, don't let the stuff sit around for too long. As AUG said, it isn't healthy. You would be giving him what he wants/needs with nothing in return. I don't see a reason to still have any of his stuff once the house is sold and you are in different places.


I agree lost- whether he comes home or not-the house is going and so is our belongings. When my son find him staring at the pile of his in garbage bags. He had said "mum said you might need it and because we are moving-she decided to move your things first.'
He didn't say much-just that he had no where to put it and maybe he'd have to throw alot of it out.
I think it did affect him tho-up until now I hadn't shown any signs that I was believing that he may not come home. 
Who knows.
I just want it gone. it hurts.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> He's conflicted and doesn't really want to leave. He hasn't taken his stuff. He wants to go to counseling. Once the relationship is 100% dead, folks have no need for couple's counseling and they usually can't wait to remove their belongings. His property maintains his presence in the home and gives him a handy reason to pop back over from time to time.


Thats what I feel...mostly.
Thankyou.
It gives me a glimmer of hope- I know I shouldn't try and hope because it doesn't help the process of becoming stronger incase it isn't like that at all..
But I have trouble believing his justifications in leaving because we had so much love between us.

I think he's just tired of all the responsibilities-like me.
Wish I could run away with him lol

thanks for your words


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ok so he's not conflicted. he's just a shmuck really. 

i dont know this guy. 15 years later and he's an alien


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ok got all his stuff off the front deck and shoved it into his truck

*wipes hands

grrrrrrrrr going to get pretty and go down the local and listen to the frid night guitarist ALONE! 

o god.... *bangs head .....


----------



## dontpanic (Feb 23, 2012)

Once,
Sounds like he's having an MLC. Needs to focus on himself. Can't handle responsibility. Leaving you to clean up his mess and make his decisions.

If you hadn't packed his things up, he would have left them in your house until you did. He's not taking ownership of the consequences of his actions. He left, so why are you stuck packing up his stuff?

Is he helping to clean up and sell the house or is that all on you to? Are you his Mommy or his wife?

Stop rescuing him from himself. He's abandoning you. You deserve better.

Go to MC to hear what he has to say - to open the lines of communication. But be prepared to hear stuff you wish you'd rather not know. And be prepared to speak honestly about how you feel.

Be strong. Good luck. We're rooting for you.

p.s. in case you think I'm being cold, I really am not. I miss my idiot STBXH like crazy and cry into my pillow at night. But that won't change the fact that he left and isn't coming back. Continuing to Mommy him is a guarantee that he'll never come back. Imho, the only thing that really works is a true 180. But don't take advice from me - I'm headed for D

p.p.s. Tell him that he needs to get the rest of his stuff out of the house by X date. Then, if you still find his stuff after that date, feel free to sell it on eBay, give it to charity or throw it out.

p.p.p.s. What are you going to do about "shared stuff" or joint property like furniture, housewares, etc?


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> ok so he's not conflicted. he's just a shmuck really.
> 
> i dont know this guy. 15 years later and he's an alien


It's (not) funny, but just about every post/story here I read contains some variation of this line : "after x years I don't know this person". 

I guess we never truly know another person ... And that's what scares me about the future the most. How does one "start over" after learning that awful truth?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ok this 5 am waking up is starting to really annoy me.
Looks like I've pulled a whatchamacallit in my back..and I was a bit teary again. I slapped myself out of it. 

I don't want to 'mummy' him- it was just after the things he said-I didn't want his clothes in my cupboard or on my deck. I wasn't very nice with them either. They are squashed in garbage bags into a car he has to tow away-he was doing it up. He can get rid of all his shed crap and other rubbish. 
My clothing is now on his side of the cupboard which is awesome because I have room in there now. 

I was really strong yesterday-but I'm having replays of things he said- and the anger. He was not him, just his body.

Elvis has left the building. 


I don't know if you do ever know someone.. but are we supposed to? 
Isn't there a side with thoughts-that are ours and ours alone? 

I think did he really lie about our love? Our fifteen years of life?

He had my me, my kids, friends, family fooled.

I actually told him I didn't believe him. 
He looked at me like I was a nutta- then dropped his chin when I wouldn't look away. 

He came up with the shallowest replies when I asked about moments.

We used to lie in bed and fight over who would die first-he said that he'd have to because he couldn't stand a world without me in it.'


I'm a challenge to live with, but as my daughter said, he use to like it. "You're mothers a Sara Lee cake. Layer upon layer.' he'd tell her.

I have trouble hiding emotions and I know I use to fake happy sometimes just to make sure the mood in the house wasn't affected by me. But hell, life was hard. Life IS hard. 

I think when he wakes up from this-life will STILL be hard.
(Ill be sending pictures of me in Paris and sitting on my Harley doing all the things we said we'd do when the business was gone. He'll be bringing up someone else's kids.)
One day-he'll remember.
One day, he will have to face the hurt he's caused.
But I may never know.


I don't like cooking. He took over in the kitchen. He's amazing in there. Once when he came home, music was blaring, I was cooking bolognaise in tap shoes. He laughed so hard. I ruined the floor but it made the meal fun. 
He had leant in for a hug and put his forehead against mine, both of his hands on my cheeks, and said with the most gorgeous smile, "There will never be another you." 
These are the memories I remember-the love in his eyes.That is real. To me.
I hold that husband close. He's the one we miss.

Now all he wants to do is tell me how free he feels and that everything professed was because he's a 'good guy'. He stayed so long because he was a 'good guy'.
Rubbish!
There is NOTHING good about this guy today.
He turned into the very man he promised he never would.
He broke our family.

MLC- he claims no.
I think he's snapped into some dark place and in the thick of his affair fog.
BUt it's deny, deny, deny on that.
He tells me his motivation for counceling is to be able to tell someone what 'Ive done to him. Great! *eye roll- and throw tap shoe at his nose!

When he makes remarks like that-in my heart I know he's sick. 
Abandoning his family would be against everything he is as a person.

My one blow out in this after he came and screamed at me about how he was sick of this family. (He actually said this about the family he's raised.)
I yelled back- YOU know it's wrong that's why you hate yourself so much! You know you loved us and we loved you and we felt it. This is not you! You are a horrible person!

Stress got to me too-things/life can change people, or maybe just bring out a side that is lying dormant.
I have no idea, no answers-it's a painful place. 

This man was the hero in our family. 
The man I had never put down.
One of his mates is still in shock that he just up and left. He told me in all the years he'd known him-he had never put me down. He used to listen to all the boys whine about their women-but not mine. He only had lifted me up as a person.
And yet here he was crushing me.

In all of this.....that's the hardest...the poison and venom is spewing forth uncontrollably and yes, everything that I had believed in as him and I is being rewritten.

I don't like people thinking bad of me. I love people. And some things coming back through others is so damn degrading to your spirit. 
But right now, those are HIS truths. Not mine. He can't justify himself walking any other way but by making me into some kind of monster, I guess.
Sometimes he's believed and I am questioned by my own family on things he's told them. And that hurts more than anything.

I won't be a victim to this-this is my mantra. 
(But darn it, sometimes you just are. Grief is a *****. I've had enough of it!)


I can't take this on board; I was and it was leaving me full of guilt and to tell you the truth I didn't want to breathe.
It made me feel defective as a person. Worthless and small.

I know who I am and I am responsible for the way I feel. No one can make you feel anything.
He chose to feel like leaving -and he did.
Is that my fault he had **** inside him he let fester over the years til he ran?
NOPE-you can't meet someone's needs if you don't know you aren't.
Is it my fault he couldn't communicate? Well, maybe to a degree because he was scared to hurt me then. But its a passive aggressive glitch he has. Not me.

Is it my fault he has sex with another person?

NO BLOODY WAY. That one is between himself and God. And I told him this. Let them wrestle it out.

But you have to stop and pull yourself out of this-get mad inside-for this is NOT you.

I have faith that's strong. God loves me. I'm not perfect. Far from it. 

I'm a cheeky girl, who tries to laugh at life despite it's pain- who believes in truth and so I go within now, when I get the knot in my stomach that reminds me of what he sees me as now and remember the past the way I saw it, and let my friends confirm that when he looked at me like he did they saw the love was once real too.

I didn't imagine it.

There is a depth of despair I could fall into if I let it get me and some days, some mornings at 5 am, it is almost a super human effort to detach.
BUt you have to.

They are not themselves. This is not the husband or wife you knew.
Don't kid yourself. They are in a place we are uninvited.
Let them wallow around in their temporary euphoria. But it will end. And even when they look happy-don't believe it. 

Go watch a show you know they hate. Walk slow instead of keeping up with them. Hug your kids and go take them for a milkshake. 
Be thankful there is less washing. Paint you nails, put on make up or grow a goatee if your a bloke-hell, poo with the loo door open. Shave your balls. WHo cares! DO anything, something, to make you smile and be responsible just for you. 
It hurts like crazy this. But then each day...you get a bit stronger. Find a bit more of you.

Do you know how attractive it is? If they see you happy-itll do more good than anything. It's a win win even if they dont come back.

You are right-for those betrayed. We don't deserve it. Marriage is work...it takes two to sort out the mess...but only one to f&^K it up.

I have a house that needs major overhauling, stock from a business lying everywhere. No money and I used to have buckets of the stuff. No response from him regarding house details-now he's thrown a tantrum . An uncertain future, and today-a bad back. It's a mess and some.


But God is good. 
I guess Im married to HIM now-and he wont let me down. 
He wont leave.

The neighbours next door heard my cheating alien hubby yelling at me a few days ago.
They came over and told me that no woman should be spoken to like I was. 
And they would also like to help me get my garden in shape.
THey told the other neighbours on the other side and there are a team of people coming to help lift the weeds and my spirit.

It'll be ok.
It just might take a bit. 


:Love and peace TAMpeople





disclaimer_ these thoughts of mine are often just that. Ramblings in this mess and could change form day to day, or hour to hour. 
As you most probably note in any up and coming posts. )
So take what you will...but it's just one chick doing it hard like you are and sifting through the ****. Hugs


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Oncehisangel -

I was one step ahead of you and grew a goatee this week.

Be strong!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

soca70 said:


> Oncehisangel -
> 
> I was one step ahead of you and grew a goatee this week.
> 
> Be strong!


YAYYYYY
Thadda man!


thankyou-needed that smile )

<<<one for you


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

omg

I'm so sleepy but get maybe an hour or two before waking up again. Its 3-13 am

I have a sleep disorder_ but its a little worse when I'm stressed.
I walk the neighbourhood, cook, shower, drive and once I woke up three doors down, naked on a neighbours lawn with my cat licking my big toe.
It was three am and there I was streaking back to the house with a ginger ***** chasing me trying to cover my bare bum. 

My son has a milder version-he just pees in the washing basket and flushes the banister upstairs.

My mum has it-but she falls asleep if she sees amber lights. She once held up the entrance to a freeway because she was at the lights snoring. 

When he did night-shift I didn't sleep. 

It's scary and my son hides my car keys now.

But now I'm waking up with fright- but I can't remember dreaming.


I just want a hug I think. I don't know. 
Yes, I think that's it.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

i found this site and there's some girl making a fortune as a professional hugger! 

She literally lies with someone and sleeps and they pay her.


I wonder If I could hire myself a hugger?

This is yuch


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

How one woman is making a living from snuggling - but for $60 an hour, would you pay to hug a stranger? | Mail Online


snuggling it's called..... *blinx*


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

F F S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

somebody kill me now......

omg...three days of hedge trimming ...one bad back.....re attacked today and i fell in a rose bush and cut through the frigg*N BOSCH cord MY NEIGHBOUR LEANT ME. AND ITS FROM ENGLAND. 

could this **** get any more complicated??? I feel sick.. 

hate him.....which id cut through his pecker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gone to drown in a cab sav

ps..anyone from uK???? good god.


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Deep breaths Once. 

Know that you arent the only one up at 3-4 am. My goal at this point is to be able to sleep until 5:30. Once I get to that I'll be happy ... I can get up go to the gym and finally be an "early bird" in my life.

Try to find the silver linings in life right now. That helps me sometimes. Going through this has led to me being in the best shape of my life and a much better career. It still sucks, but at least some good has come out of it so far for me. I'm sure there is some good out there for you too.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

i know lost...Im just having a moment..gawd I even posted this on two threads of mine....

Im sleeping about three/four hours at the most... its the hardest thing I think. Because it keeps you in this dazed state when awake.
half past 1 am here now. 


Glad to see your life is having good smiles. Nods..very good. 
5.30...if you get to that time..knock on my door..Ill be awake and come to the gym with you.

*breathes..all good.. ni nis Tam


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Oncehisangel - that cord thing sucks. Sometimes it feels like one thing leads to another and it all quickly spirals downward with anything and everything. Just do what needs to be done to take care of yourself. I'm sure the neighbor would understand that was an accident. RELAX!!!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

thanks soca ...im going to an electrical place tomorrow to see if they can replace the cord so I don't have to buy a completely new machine.


I came home about an hour ago and his darling daddy is up sanding all my white wood for painting. 
We hugged for eons. He calls me, 'pretty girl'

WH didn't turn up-he has gastro . I wondered if it was an excuse but his brothers kid had it a couple of days ago -so I actually do believe him.

Poppy(his dad) and I talked and got a bit teary. He said the only thing he has said to him was that "it was done and over.'
He hasn't said much at all to him really 
(thats cause he's bonking my SIL!!) 

We talked about the past and he said there was a very obvious love between you two- I got a bit teary then because, I told him that he had rewritten 'us' and said the whole thing was a sham to him. 
He shook his head. Not true he said. 
It was good to have validation on the past.

I said maybe if you could suggest councelling for him alone it might help. 
He's pretty angry right now and I seem to be his target and to tell you the truth Poppy, "I love him that much I've let him go and getting on with life-I just want the house gone now-so I can move forward. And he can have the freedom he so needs to be happy."

I mentioned that I loved the old H and the new one was foreign, a stranger. "
He said, "honey we don't know why things happen. It must have been in him a while for him to leave."

I nodded but showed him a letter he's written six months ago. There was nothing miserable in it..Just professions of love."
I said , 'do you know much about MLC's?" 
he said 'nope.' I said H doesnt think he's having one but he's sure showing signs with what he's saying.

So Im going back out and we'll chat about what he's been up to.
He said he'll visit wherever I am and that he holds me close in his heart.  crap it. 

It appears H hasn't really talked with anyone-just that he's done.
I asked Poppy to please remember me as I am-for he knows me well.



When I mentioned my brother and his wife going through issues-he had no idea. SO H hasn't gone there at all.

It's like he has withdrawn into his own little bubble.

So there you go-update.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

OHA,

Which means he's hiding.

All the better reason to expose.

Get the goods on him and do it.

You've said he's with your brother's wife?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Conrad said:


> OHA,
> 
> Which means he's hiding.
> 
> ...


yup-my brother moved her here from another state to be closer to me while he works O/S
She twisted an turned things and my brother had stopped speaking to me-very unlike us. He is my posWH best mate. (!!)

However, my bro just rang (YAY AND YAAAAAAAYYYY!!) and is coming home-told me nothing had changed with her attitude-and he was seeing a solicitor and now even my mum is starting to be sus' of her fav' daughter in law. My mother is going with him. He is installing VAR at my suggestion. I told him I had seen tracks leading into the trees behind his house and that is where my WH hides his car from view of the front road.
Finally!

Tomorrow my old boss, a Private investigator will be waiting for a call from me when WH leaves (after working on our house to get it ready to sell) He will then trace where he goes and for how long.
Its costing me a bottle of bourban. (wicked!)

I didnt hang around today-I just left in the afternoon and said 'catch you later' boys. Took a pic earlier on the way past of his car and number plate (cause I too am a sneaky wench) to send to boss.

My brother I have told about the 180. And he's ok. He's strong.
He wants to expose if we get the proof we need.


We were both a bit sooky- and he asked if this all pans out in a bad way whether id be interested in moving in with him. And I said "You bet I would." My son is rapt. He loves his uncle. 

I have my brother back. Thats all I care about. We come from a fine family-where morals are strong and we were surrounded by love and hard work. 

I told him something that Mr Conrad had said to me which gave me strength. "You do realise this is Her. Not you."


So the clock is ticking-and there's work to be done. 


SO pray your wee hearts out Tammers--cause we got to go bust some cheating families asses )


love and peace 

angel


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

oh, two more things

1/ his phone rang a few times in the morning before I left. He has a phone voice for women. It's softer. Always has been. I can tell the sex of the person 100 percent of the time just by the tone in his voice. You learn stuff about yr spouse after 15 yrs.

I was in the bedroom and heard his mobile ring again and watched and listened as he got down from the ladder, looked left and right, and walked to the front of the property. Heard the tone soften and new it was female.

I walked outside with my bag and keys. My gf arrived. I waved but still had an ear happening. I heard him say "ill see if i can get there 'mate' and I knew it was her. 

My gf talked to him for a minute. They were very close. She told me later it was like he was an alien version of himself. She was quite upset and said "that guy is no friend of mine now. You are my friend." So sad for everyone...not just me. 

she stayed for coffee and i went back inside.

Ten mins later he told his dad he was going up the street to get pies. He was gone about half an hour. 

I met him on the road as I was leaving and he was all smiles (he did the smile thing when I caught him on the road behind her house too-he's a terrible liar-he sweats straight away and gets this shift to his features. )

I said 'seeya' and he went to ask me where I was going but stopped half way through the sentence. I just said "nice car" 

My sis in china, her husband works for Ford and gives me a new car every six months on a cheap as hell deal.. He had organised one for my WH before he left.
But this one goes back after two years and he loses it. I was pretty mad he still got family benefits after leaving us. But I also know sissys hubby will also take it off him if any affair is exposed.

That might smart a bit *grins

The cool positive to him stioll getting the car...its friggin obvious!!! It stands out like bulls balls in this town. His other car--well it was white and every second family has one. SOOOOOO much harder now for him. *grins with dimples



'She' my posSIL keeps her gate shut-unless she knows your coming. It was open when I passed. And I have no doubt he went there for a quick hello. 

2/ On the way home at 6pm I pass by her house and as I do my WH also passes me and waves but I watch as he slows his speed. I smile all the way home.

I go on facebook- and she is on. I have watched this patten and she only comes on when I get too close. 

They both deserve each other....and guess what...... IM ok 

Like Im really ok... Im worth more than this. And so is my hard-working brother.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I write too much--sorry darlings.

I talk alot too-just saying


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Just reading through your threads and I wanted to say that you're an amazing woman! I'm glad you're getting your relationship back with your brother, though I'm sorry it's been through such pain for the two of you. 

Keep hanging in there. It's true you may never know all the answers about your past with him, or why it all changed, but it will eventually get to a point where it won't hurt as much and you'll be able to live your life again. ((hugs))


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

OHA,

Is your brother in denial about this?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

....morning all...my only worry is that he'll stop giving me the measly money he does-and he takes care of bills-once exposed. But I think Poppy (his dad) would come down pretty hard on him if he did.

So I might have to get something written to last us to settlement on house. Get his dad to witness it maybe.

Its wierd how my WH has amnesia.... he bought up his credit card(which Ill pay out til the day before he left) which he used to contribute to the refurbishment of business) 
He was quite resentful and said 'Rememeber Im still paying off the ccard for YOUR SHOP'

I had to bite my tongue..because when we bought this one I had said, "I dunno, bad feeling. WE cant."
He said, "sure we can darling. It'll be right. Let's do it.'

It was his too..fool. 


sighs..fun n games


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

If your brother could set up a few webcams over there, you guys could have some real fun.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Conrad said:


> OHA,
> 
> Is your brother in denial about this?


He was....big time-thought he could win her back with flowers and love letters and promises from Papua New Ginuea til he got home and could sort things out in person. 

I had mentioned the 180. He ignored me. We had an argument.

I warned him she was already gone. She had plans to leave after Christmas and set up home in a neighbouring town. She had told me this over coffee early on when she had first pulled the ILYBINILWY speech on him when we were still talking.

But I finally got a call last night. It has been weeks since I have spoken with my baby bro. I have missed him like crazy.

He's woken up.

He said "I think she's going to roll me sis".
He earns an obscene amount of money. On his last cycle when he was home- he had said to me that a lot of money was missing from the account. I had asked him then to get statements but he didn't. 

It was my brother who first came to me with his thoughts on my WH being involved with his WW. Then he panicked, I guess.

Also our mum-who was "oh they're just friends. Don't be so ridiculus." Is now very suspect of posSIL and my posWH. 
She said she felt that SIL was being overly chummy to her and said she had this feeling it wasn't genuine. 

*I had told mum weeks ago my predictions on what would happen. They would split with both of us-then six months to a year later we would find them living together after all the fuss had settled. And everyone would say "oh well, they were friends and did have a connection." They would get away with it. 

I know this pattern-he did it with me fifteen years ago. 

We started out as friends, he worked his way into the family, it was him that told me of my first husbands own affair and then I let myself fall in love. It was a E/A for a long time. I remember ringing him with my husband in the final week of him leaving, we were sitting on the bed and I had woken up myself.
I had current WH on loudspeaker on a phone call and had said that we could no longer talk or see each other and I wanted to work on my marriage.

It was a final plea to save what was broken but my husband by then was in his own deep fog. He was done. 

WH maintains to this day we have only been together 14 years. I know it's fifteen. I know our truth.

I have had to deal with this in a major way. I outed myself- to my mother, my family, my children and my 1 st XH. I had to face those demons head on in the last three months.

It hasn't been easy-there is a bucket of shame in this, but I've grown up and can only look back now and see what hurt I contributed to the past and the breakdown of my first marriage.

My children's father is a good man. We are great friends and he and his wife (same girl he left me for) are being very supportive. There are no secrets any more. It's been a healing time for all of us. 

It's funny.but the truth will always prevail...whether it be now or in fifteen years. 

At the time-there is always a way of justifying our actions. But the guilt astounds me that I still carry. I have prayed and asked forgiveness so many times I think I've worn out that prayer.


So, they are all starting to open their eyes Mr Conrad. 

I pulled back from telling them stuff I had found out. My brother was convinced by posSIL to not talk to me after she expanded on some stories and made me look like a nutcase. I knew I would have to do this by myself and it was now to protect him and his boys. 

I knew my WH was gone for good. 

We want the truth out. In our father's memory. 
It's a respect thing.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Conrad said:


> If your brother could set up a few webcams over there, you guys could have some real fun.


already on it Mr Conrad.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Just reading through your threads and I wanted to say that you're an amazing woman! I'm glad you're getting your relationship back with your brother, though I'm sorry it's been through such pain for the two of you.
> 
> Keep hanging in there. It's true you may never know all the answers about your past with him, or why it all changed, but it will eventually get to a point where it won't hurt as much and you'll be able to live your life again. ((hugs))



AngelP...Im not that amazing..

Im flawed as you will read. 

But I'm a forgiver and understand that the human condition is weak sometimes. 

But , Im also very very protective of my families name. 

ty darling girl x


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

so quick update while Im having my coffee..big team of peeps here..house is looking good.

and a dash of reverse pyschology

he was outside whipper snippering...and I said ive come to apologise about the things I said the other day. 

And about my SIL
his response was "your brothers a ****-head"

We had a big hug (I really wanted to knee him in the nuts) and as he pulled me in close-I said "I should have believed and trusted you more. You'd have to be the lowest of scum to be with her. Its not a thing you'd do. You're a good man with bloody big morals. And you'd destroy your self respect. I'm really sorry-I know this is about your freedom. Forgive me. "

He got really teary said thanks and then couldn't look at me.


I'm such a liar. 

PI on the highway at 4pm ready with cameras and time.


This is really hard but neccessary.




ps..his dad and brother and mates have been so adorable to me..infact his brother surprised me the most because my WH and him are glued to each other and he is currently living with him.

He said , "Don't be too hard on yourself. My brother doesn't talk. Keeps **** inside him-not your fault."

*big sigh.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

OHA,

I'd really hate to have you on the other team.

Your post made me laugh - even though I know you're hurting.

Better times ahead!


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> so quick update while Im having my coffee..big team of peeps here..house is looking good.
> 
> and a dash of reverse pyschology
> 
> ...


Yeah, I stand by what I said before. You're amazing.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Conrad said:


> OHA,
> 
> I'd really hate to have you on the other team.
> 
> ...




prick has been an angel to me ever since 

only one cry today.. excellent

*winks.... ok..had first call... off to meet PI..and back in an hour


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ok..I got to hand it to the W idiots. They're bloody good.

Her car was and remains in the driveway-it was a no show for my WH. Not sure how she got out-but someone has picked her up and the kids and she's got out earlier in the day before we got there.


She talked to my brother earlier- and said it was in-house movie night, with popcorn and the boys. Lies. 

House is in darkness. No one home at 10.15pm still.

PI still sitting close by eating chips and a pizza I sent him. He said two cars needed for these two. We have undergrounders.
OOh.. I even knew what that meant 

The amount of cash missing from my brothers account astounds me.
Seems we have something being set up or saved for on the side. In under three weeks she has siphoned over thirty thousand dollars.
He has got his boss to hold any furthers monies from going into account. He's so strong and I know his heart is cracking. Im so mad at her. I wish she'd never come here. He said the same today.

One more week and a massive party is at his house for his 40th. She's putting it on for him -despite assuring him that she doesnt love him. NIce.

Shes not expecting me. She thinks my brother and I are still not talking.

Ill be arriving at 10 pm with my three adult kids. Ill wear heels, red lipstick a plate of canapes and carry my armour-'truth'.

I have no fear. I have no shame. I have class.



And I have a little bit of ***** coming out 
which I'm finding quite liberating.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

insert soundtrack song * the heat is on......


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Oncehisangel - you sound MUCH better. More focused and pulled together. I think vindictiveness works for you. Please keep us posted!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

soca70 said:


> Oncehisangel - you sound MUCH better. More focused and pulled together. I think vindictiveness works for you. Please keep us posted!




Thanks Soca.

Vindictiveness ..is that what it is? 

iphone died today-charged up old phones

just got woken up by an old (loud)alarm

playing


***well, here's to you mrs robinson-heaven holds a place for those who pray.,..hey hey hey..****


cracking up laughing at 3.30 am here......Gods having a giggle at me. 

blah... night again 

*off she goes singing kookoo ka choo .......


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Maybe not vindictiveness but on a mission now...like James Bond


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)




----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

soca70 said:


> Maybe not vindictiveness but on a mission now...like James Bond


lol...mr soca.....too funny..ok installing Bond theme as my new ring tone

hey miss angel..i couldn't get that pic to open ...



ooh..guess what! 
posWH fixed my bike!!!!!... I'm on the road again! yeeha..taking my babygirl out tomorrow after I polish her pipes.... 

Nothing better than a road ahead of you, bugs in your teeth and the smell of occasional cow dung. 

Annnnndd..... I'm I just joined two riders groups.... not '***** on bikes' but it did cross my warped mind. 

At least in a helmet I don't have to speak to anyone.



*off she goes with Bond theme echoing in the background....................dunt dunt dun dunt dun dun


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

pps... I feel strong... but my body is defying my mind with this not sleeping thing... been up since 3.30 am ...watching the sun struggling to wake up over the mountain 

Im going to miss this place a bit. The views still my breathing.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Maybe it will work as a link.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ppps. SPEAKING OF THIS HOUSE

When my first husband left. This house was at lock-up. 

It is a double story cape cod home, with three dormar windows and the entire back is glass. Over the last fifteen years, I have watched gumtrees at the back of the property grow tall and eventually block the view of the mountain I call home. 

There was no carpet when I moved in, no curtains or painted walls and I had no job. I was a mum who sat on the floor with her children and played with paints and dough and stuck kinder pictures on the fridge. 

But I did have something- a fire in my belly for survival. 


I must admit, I did go a bit 'Gone with the Wind' on it and vowed to never lose it. It was my dream home. My kids future. 
I first saw it in a movie we were watching and yelled to my hubby, "There she is! That's her! Let's build it."

And we did.

And he left.

Current soWH was in the picture by now of course, but worked around Australia for two years and only came back for a week and was gone again for a month. In essence I was a single mum and had no idea what to do or how to do it- I just knew I had to get on with it.

I wrote a list of options and started trawling the streets while my kids were at school. 


I waitressed, ran bars, did a few t.v extra roles, I became a P.I-did two and a half years until I had to find the head honcho of a MC club, who then came and found me at my home(!!) and I quit the next day.

I got a job at a theatre restaurant for eight years(four nights a week, three characters a night. Two seasons a year) and in-between-borrowed money of my mum and bought my first clothing store.

I paid my mum back within a year. The shop did really well and within the first three years and scored Best fashion and accessory shop in the area with the Telstra business awards. 

Life was good.

I paid for my curtains (it took seven years to remove the sheets. Got the best carpet and furnished the place with cash. Bought an cherry red alfa romeo and was feeling in control.


Weekends always had friends here. It was a house of warmth and fairy lights and candles, good music and a place to gather.

Plants were gently placed into the clay soil, trees grew, hedges matured and two labrador dogs and a beagle we named Lucy came to add fun to the family. 

There were dirt bikes, motorbikes, kids learning to drive, barbeques in summer and wasp nests to run from, a blow up pool every summer and the sound of the lawns getting mowed on a Sunday- but most of all it became a place of laughter and friendships and love. 

This house has a thousand stories- it holds my story of doing the possible when all seemed impossible. 

Its watched as children got stitches from skateboarding the hill out the front, and brown snakes were captured at the letterbox. 

We did a reality show a few years back and I'd come home to a camera man asleep on my couch and directors moving furniture. It hasn't been a boring place-that's for sure. 


There has been tears from holding friends as they went through their own crisis and many bottles of wine. Beer has been brewed in the laundry, two litters of puppies and sneaky lovemaking when the kids went to their dads. The kitchen floor has small pits where I once decided tap dancing and cooking were a good mix and there are pictures of Paris- a place on my list of goals and family photo boards where faces I love smile back at me while I have dusted and polished trinkets from the past.

SO as it gets prettied up to sell _I pray that the next owners will love it as much as we did. 

It is a family home and a place I will have been glad to have raised three children into amazing warm adults.

I will cry I know it- and I am right now-But it's ok.

I will take pictures I will pull out of an album when my emotions are rested and secure in the past-when I can cope.

I know fear-I've been here before.
I am older and more tired and this wasn't in the plan. But it is what it is and I know that fire...sits still in my belly....that it's my turn now. 

And we can not regret the past. We have to take its beauty and lessons-push through the pain....and surf the next wave of what life will bring.

I have another list now. And like last time. I will just get on with it and write new stories and find hope.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Maybe it will work as a link.


omg...looooll....Im bawling and now iM laughing like a hyena... needed that..your a doll angelP xxxx ty ty


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

((hugs)) sweetie.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

well..the kids were busy tonight..my mother was shaking it at some wierd club for the 'wannabe 25 years old again' and I had a moment of feeling very very alone.....

Sooooooo.................


I went to the movies!!! 

By myself!! 

I saw a chick flick in peace.

And I didn't have to share the popcorn.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

good for you! (and your mom sounds like a riot, lol)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I'm unsettled.
Not sleeping still.

I have this feeling it's the calm before the storm.

My brother arrives home in under a week. His WW will go to the bank on Friday-and there will be no money. Just enough to cover expenses and to shop for food. 

She is used to money being a never ending supply. Life is about to change-but then that is her wish, right?

He is 180'ng it without realising it.

I've told him to use the "I'm not ok with ...." line if he feels it's appropriate. He intends to stay in the house.

I'm proud of him.

He has cancelled his fortieth and instead is taking a trip back to Tasmania to get a new tattoo and stay with his biker friends for two days. His wife was nonplussed at the change of events. 

She'll be followed by our P.I and by then cameras and VAR recorders will be set up in the cars, and the house.

We believe there is another property that my WH is staying at, but my brothers money has been used to fund this. We hope this is when she'll lead us to this address so we can confirm this.


The knots back in my stomach.

I know I have my own legal work to take care of now-to ensure security in the house while waiting for it to sell.

My WH is on alert-anything legal will have him running for the hills again. I knew I'd have to get it in writing and witnessed that he would maintain paying mortgage when the freeze stops and his little bit of cash he dribbles to us before any exposing of him and my brothers posWW.

I have to do this in a subtle way and an opening came, this week, in the form of the Australian Taxation office. Surprise, surprise.

My posWH overheard me talking with them earlier in the week when he was here cleaning up the property. I'm glad he did.

I owe outstanding monies from the shop-its a bit hefty chunk of money I don't have. They were about to go legal and take me to court but instead I was sent to the hardship dept where I spoke with a lady called Beth. 

Beth needed the story of why I couldn't pay my taxes that I owed.
I told her the only way was to wait til my house sold. Then they would get every cent. I had no problem paying them. But I had nothing now. 

They wanted it now-this was the issue.

I hadn't taken a wage in the year and a half prior as the shop started to fail-When my accountant rang me this week...I was just over all the crap left from the business- I said to him.. I can't go bankrupt-I owe my mum...I just can't do it. They're going to take everything that's left. I was worn out and scared and over it. 

I felt like I'd worked for a decade with only one week off for nothing. I just wanted a bloody new bike out of all this and a chance to breathe again. Now even that was looking unreachable.

It didn't seem fair.

They are sending me a form- to apply for the debt to be wiped under the hardship loophole. I didn't even know there was one!

When I began telling Beth about the week the shop shut and my WH doing the bolt, I lost it and had to stop a few times to pull myself together. Beth was very quiet and ensured that she would do everything she could in my case to get my debt erased-at least a good portion of it. The form also allowed time. 28 days to get it back to them and another 56 days to wait til my case was to be reviewed. 

I was in shock that I was actually having help and that maybe I was getting a break for once this year. 

I then learnt that Beth's own husband had run off with her very best friend the year before and she had done it just as hard. it was a very similar story and one of courage. I really had new respect for this stranger on the other end of the phone.

I could hear the emotion in her voice as she told me that soon I would be stronger. I couldn't have landed a more understanding ear if I had of chosen her myself.

The forms being sent to me also include a run down of income and costs that I am currently tied to. For that-my WH will list his contribution and commitments to the property and us. If I can get this on paper and witnessed, it will hold as a legal document. This week him, his dad, brothers and friends will be back to work some more on the house. 

I'll have the forms ready and waiting. 

Another prayer almost answered. Cross your bits everyone!

I just want it all over now.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

When I have a drive ahead of me it's seriously weird how my mind goes wandering.....into the past and things that were promised. 

To think he has become what he said he would never.
And do what he'd never do.

Its the lies and deception of someone who knows all your buttons and all your secrets and now...they are like a stranger. 

How do they turn off guilt and remorse? Where does there empathy go for their wife and family?

It still stuns me


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

The worst thing you can give a man is an excuse.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Conrad said:


> The worst thing you can give a man is an excuse.


In what way Mr Conrad?






ps oh angry brothers WW is posting a bunch of "lies lies' posters and the like on facebook.. 
im just putting up dogs in costumes pictures and motorbikes 
Not biting .


The denials are thick and fast.. makes you doubt yourself. 
I hope in a way I am wrong.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Hi OHA, sorry you are going through all this, but it happens.

I've seen your pic and you are a very pretty girl, from your posts you seem intelligent and thoughtful and you possibly wear your heart on your sleeve. Although this can make you more loving it can lead to you being hurt more easily.

I am sure that when you are ready you will find a good man who will make your recollections of this idiot fade into nothing more than distant bad memories.

Wyshing (sic) you all the best.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> When I have a drive ahead of me it's seriously weird how my mind goes wandering.....into the past and things that were promised.
> 
> To think he has become what he said he would never.
> And do what he'd never do.
> ...


hey angle. you wouldn't believe how similar , in ways anyway your stuff is to mine.
your man was too young and took on too much i think , he boiled over.
but we worked , fort , struggled for 5 yrs to get this place , in this spot. i knew it would cost us dearly and i was scared ****less for us , sanity , staying power the lot and i warned her a dozen times.
but she dug her heels in and wouldn't move. so we went through the fight of our lives for 4 yrs and finally got this place 15 mths ago and then this 15mths has also been the fight just continuing on bc the property and finances were both ran down to the max and us.
the fight took so much out of us and pretty well stole our time together for this last 5 yrs. it really taxed us hard.
Thing was though it was all about my daughter's and the families stability in staying , my wifes new job and promotion.

Life was going to get much easier though around the 12mth mark with the house , finances, time fr us t find us and some tlc again , we always swore we'd never split up , she use to say if u ever leave me i'm coming to. we were always a really rare and special couple and people always said stuff.
Well our twelve mth anniversary present from her was a letter saying she wants to separate .
back in a sec.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Well , she stuck to it like steel and moved out 1 mth ago.
Now my daughters moved yet again and has separated parents and two homes instead of the one family home we fort for 5 yrs to get for her.
Whenever I brought that up in our lots of talks befor she left it was - ahhh she'll be right , she'll cope fine. That was her answer.
So even disregarding th e rest , my daughters now moved 8 times and 3 states , she's 11. -- ahh, she'll be right she says.
And then of course htere was us , what this whole 5yrs of crap had been for and about , the property finally and only 12 mths in, even the downhill run we were finally set up for - finally , nothing made any difference .
she was so strange , a totally different and unreachable person , so not her.
so it's been a mth. i see plants and trees all over she's planted only mths ago , paint she's bought, stuff , it's all been and feels like day in and out the most sickening and craziest thing , I've ever ever been through in my life .
yet she came to get my daughter yesterday , came straight over and just fell into my arms and cuddled and wouldn't t break it. That was the first time I seen her since she left.
But we've had to speak on the phone a bit , house, daughter, bills and payments - ****, and everytime there to we usually lose ourselves in a few minutes and ended up just chatting and talking , a few times for hrs , just like we always did.

It's crazy now , I dunnop what she's thinking , it's as if she's fighting her real natual flow , it has been day one. As if she's made herself do it no matter what, almost gone against nature .

Day one , one of the points was that she'd made new friends , met some guy , reckoned nothing had happed and they'd only been friends a mth. She even tried to sneak out in her last few weeks here to go see him.
but ,i did some serious snooping and now , it turns out they are still only just friends and have never touched , i know this now for fact. that makes it even weirder.
besides , NO ONE , could give her what we did , i did , even she said that dozens of times , she said and we were , that we were once in a lifetime time an that she'd always known that - but she still left.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Sorry ohangel , I'm not trying to take over your stuff but maybe the sharing , knowing there's more of us , maybe it helps u a bit , has me reading yours and others so .
nost of her stuffs still here too , as wekk as the other built in things I talked about.
we did agree though on that one to keep everything here the same for when my daughter comes , hopefully it helps her still feel at home.
but i'm still amazed at what she's left though , even make up.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

thats cool whitehawk.

I like hearing about others going through similar.
she left all her things too?

It's hard-its a constant reminder isnt it?

Because we are selling and I bagged everything up....he picked up his things last week. He whined th ewhole time about where he was going to put stuff. I didnt respond

Hes angry now. I hate that the most but it's been easier for me to detatch--because I'm so not attracted to him. He's a really good looking guy and I saw nothing but ugly last time. 

He gave me one genuine smile when I left to go get coffee and that was worse. I cried when my car was out of view.

My son is in the middle of exams but has said "Mum, I dont want you to take him back now."

Poor kid..he had him on a his hero list. It doesnt matter how old they are- it hurts them. 

You're comment about him being too young hit me big. I happen to agree. He was 21 when I first him. 22 when we started seeing each other. I was 31. We both ran from it..or I did. I bolted...bastard kept chasing me...lol.

I gave it three months. Every year he said "Three months hey."

I said, "You know I worry youll bring up this family and have some kind of midlife and run. "

WOW. 
I hope he finds whatever he needs. Ill keep the good him locked in my heart and drag out memories from time to time. 

But I think you're right. It got too much for him. He was burnt out.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> thats cool whitehawk.
> 
> I like hearing about others going through similar.
> she left all her things too?
> ...


thanks angel and yeah your right.if a guy just like a chick takes on that much that young , long term it's gonna bite fore sure. Just too young especially adding the pressure of him or her being older but anyway we won't dwell on that crap hey.
Kiss it off , he's gonna need a couple of yrs of hanging lose now before anyone could trust him again.

My girl was over loaded to I think , I was too actually but I just switched off , she took off.
she never did quite comprehend how tough it was going to be to settle here though , I could see it .
I don't get where she's at now though - with me . spose time will tell maybe but that cuddle yesterday , she started to kiss me and nearly went into tears.
I'm well sorta ' u could say , past the anger now see , i was no saint either and brought a lot of it on. So even though she's done this I also hurt her very deeply and over a few yrs too so just where the anger fits I can't figure right now.
Really feel for u though angel , , it never ceases to amaze me at just how when life decides u need a good kicking , at just how much it sinks the boots in.
You'd think a small prod in the bum would do it wouldn't you , orr no , gotta throw the lot at you.

I think he still feels for you and probably the kids big time too , he prolly just can't go there any longer for now . Sounds like it's ripping him up to maybe , but you can't wait or hope because it could take him yrs to resettle himself and by then you'd have both moved on so .
God I know how tough this **** is but I'm glad you didn't crack with him to, in this I reckon he has to have whatever he has to have , finish his meltdown.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

ps , if you still manage the new Harley just don't forget to come and grab me though , we're goin for a spin.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

whitehawk said:


> ps , if you still manage the new Harley just don't forget to come and grab me though , we're goin for a spin.


that's a deal 


One thing I did do last week was join two riders groups. 

His eyebrows shot up when I showed him their online sites.

He said "That's the way."

But I think he's surprised. I catch him staring at me now and then. But when I look in his eyes it's like the light has gone from them.

I just need to get out and find my path now. The business took up much of my energy and the remaining mess is doing my head in-but I know it's not forever and Ill be ok. 

I'm starting not to really care about what he's doing-like with my SIL. I have no doubt it won't last. What's he going to do do? Raise another mans kids again? Not exactly a great deal of freedom in that is there?

I think because I know my bro and I are in a good place...and I'll probably end up living with him.. it has taken me to a level of peace. Who knows. One minute I'm crying and scared of the future, next I'm as strong as an ox and excited. Rollercoaster is the perfect word, isnt it.

I'm getting the battery replaced on my bike this week so I can hit the road. 

I need it.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> that's a deal
> 
> 
> One thing I did do last week was join two riders groups.
> ...


No worries , deal. I got a new car a few mths before to so I've been taking off all over the place for days on end when I can afford it to, even when I can't . 
oh yeah it's a roller coaster all right , and you've had so much going on , I really feel for ya but hey your doing a great f'n job on it all to , that's a lot of stuff.
Our stuff was all in a mess too , not as bad as yours but it was all on a together thing , it was like a two wage sorta plan but then in a year or two we'd be sitting pretty . But we didn't go into it on a one thing it wouldn't have worked. So 12 mths in she bails , mind blowing. I said if you reckon I'm copping all these bills and repayments just bc you can't hack it your f'n kidden yourself. Anyway she's still sharing it until we figure it all out. Slowing getting on top of them all.
I also bought a new sound system which I've wanted for ages , at least with an empty house I can let it rip till all hours . Man this thing sounds so sweet some nights I haven't gone to bed at all . That's helped a lot .
But yeah , a roller coaster , that's what it is alright , a mind blowing roller coaster . I've also just been going on with the house renos , doing a bit of extra jobs at work to to try and get on top of the money bs. Chucked all her **** outa of the main br too and the old cuboard that we were using and I'm building a nice big new inbuilt in there.
The room stinks of glue till I finish it so I've been crashing in the lounge every night and playing music till whenever.
When my daughters here we stay up all night watching dvs and partying as she loves to call it and just crash on the couches , heaps of fun. She reckons owell , at least mums ot roaring at us to keep it down and go to bed all night.
One of her friends said the other day , no offense guys but it's better now without your mum telling us off all the time. ha I laughed at that one, so it's got it's advantages hey.

Hang in there and don't push yourself too hard , we'll get through it day by day - hassle by hassle one by one . I'm the same , tears , emotion , life hassles , all mixed in all over the place but I reckon I'm doing a good job considering the mess she left.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

oncehisangel said:


> In what way Mr Conrad?


If he has someone to blame (which is his excuse), he can use that to justify all sorts of ridiculously wrong self-indulgent behavior.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Conrad said:


> If he has someone to blame (which is his excuse), he can use that to justify all sorts of ridiculously wrong self-indulgent behavior.


See now...you are ALWAYS correct.

He shoots!

He scores!


Mr C.... I hear you loud and clear..

and anyone considering poking their penis into anyone's else vagina (and vice versa) besides their wifes/hubbies.....GET YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT, CROSS YOUR LEGS, ZIP YOUR FLY UP AND GO HOME!! 
IT'LL BE YOU THAT'S ACCOUNTABLE ..NOT YOUR SPOUSE!


THERE IS NO EXCUSE!! 

YOU AND ONLY YOU ARE 100 PERCENT RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT ACTION. 


And gets some darn therapy!


*steps off box





Right mr conrad? :smthumbup:


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

holy hell! TWISTS AND DAMN TURNS

In our town we have two corner pubs. One is where all the locals go and bet on horses and pick up a cheaper counter meal. Its the first on the corner when you arrive. It's a typical country looking place and is always busy, always rowdy.

In-between are a few shops, and then the other pub. Its a impressive red brick place that house its own boutique brews and finer cuisine. It's the place of visitors in town and those looking for a peaceful drink and the occasional wedding party.

SO, I was out the back of the second one having a wine with some friends. It has a small courtyard with a hedge-that if you were sitting no-one could see you.

From there though, you can watch as people come and go on the main road we call High street. Its the one street which runs through the town.

And it was there, halfway through my glass of white, that I noticed my brothers very distinctive black and chrome four wheel drive complete with large Harley Davidson sticker on the rear window fly by. I'd know that car anywhere.

It sped past and I watched as it veered around the corner of the other pubs road. It was 7pm.

There's a bottle shop on the side street there ...so I waited a bit in-case that's what my brothers WW was doing. She loves her beers. 

It was still a no show five mins later so I jumped in my car to go look for it. I went around the block, didn't see it and decided to go home.

I was opposite the first pub when I looked up my posWSIL was walking into the pub with a guy-and it WASN'T my guy. w t hell? I'm not sure, but I think I saw her falter-I think she may have seen my car.


I quickly went and did another big block but couldn't find his car-as I came around the corner again it was darker and I'm pretty confident I saw the rear of it disappearing back over the hill on the way to her home.

The plot thickens. 

I text my bro in papua new guinea.


My brother rang an hour later and he said he had just spoken with her and she had just came back from driving her seven year old sons friend home. Lie. 

She did not say anything about going to the pub.*omission**blinx*

I described the guy-and my brother said he knew who it was. But there was no way in hell his wife should be with this bloke. She met him at another pub in a neighbouring town. He was even introduced to my brother. 

I can remember her mentioning him once to me as a nice fellow.. He was a carpenter and a few years younger. I think 24-26. She's 34 He's a horse guy-she is an ex rodeo barrel racer. 

My brother said she had moved her horse today to another paddock. He was supposed to help her but she informed him it was already done.

Oh boy.

Between him and her and my MIA WH and men sneaking up the back paddock and well......all of this crap, I really could do with a trip to Bora Bora. Pronto.


o m g enough already.

bro arrives in two days. we are off to get all our spy equipment.
and he'll get to meet PI. He will be leaving on friday for his birthday to Tassie. She'll be alone. 

I hope nothing happens but I don't think it'll be that peacefuL.


I can't wait to sell this house and get on with life. But damn! She's a sneaky one!! 

Wonder if my WH knows about rodeo boy. NOw I'm wondering if WH and bro's WW may have split after my big yelling episode where he said I had him by the balls and I yelled back "the only thing that has you by the balls is satan." *big grins. He didn't like that much.

ok..til the next damn thing...

love and peace x



no wonder we all go a bit nuts. *sighs


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

omg laughing.....

my funny as hell gf and fellow actress...... just rang and said...wonder if your WH is minding the kids while she takes rodeo boy to the pub!>>>


we're all going mental.....


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

it's like being in a fawlty towers theatre show again :rofl:



Fawlty Towers: Top Ten Scenes (Part One) - YouTube


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Oncehisangel - I'm picturing this small Australian town in the Outback with all this action going on. It's like some kind of off-beat comedy in a way (aside from the nauseating hurt and pain).


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

soca70 said:


> Oncehisangel - I'm picturing this small Australian town in the Outback with all this action going on. It's like some kind of off-beat comedy in a way (aside from the nauseating hurt and pain).


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Conrad said:


>


falls off the bed laughing...........










thats NOT FUNNY!!!!! lol




reminds me of the line. "thats not a knife ...THIS is a knife"

just replace knife with willy 









ps. 3.30 am. still can't sleep.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> she had moved her horse to another paddock.


I think that phrase has the potential to become an awesome euphemism. :rofl:


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Are we having fun yet?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

soca70 said:


> Are we having fun yet?


you lot are....


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

No, this is not fun, OHAngel. It's sort of like that hysterical laughter so that you don't cry, kwim?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> No, this is not fun, OHAngel. It's sort of like that hysterical laughter so that you don't cry, kwim?


lol...yep... I guess it is darling girl.




feel a bit fragile again this morn...... its all the unknown stuff.

very wierd.


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Yes it is weird. I'm here today coordinating grocery lists and who's picking up the boys from school via texts. And knowing I will have to do this for THE NEXT 12 YEARS every day with someone who has kicked me in the teeth!!!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

soca70 said:


> Yes it is weird. I'm here today coordinating grocery lists and who's picking up the boys from school via texts. And knowing I will have to do this for THE NEXT 12 YEARS every day with someone who has kicked me in the teeth!!!


yuch


my kid has his graduation ceremony this friday. 

WH wasn't even invited. I asked son if he felt like he wanted to he could invited him.

He said, "No. Just you and me mum."


poor kid. I hate WH for this.

just got a text from him.. will be there wed, thurs, frid for house reno's.


crap but good..moving ahead


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

On the way back from a girlfriends I haven't seen for ages I saw posWH car parked behind in the dirt track lane-way of our single friends house-he is a pilot and travels to China a bit for work. He was a frequent visitor to our home.
The lane way is hidden behind the back and there is easy access to house. His car was out quite far. I t was next to another-but I couldn't see it well because of a truck blocking the view.

I have a feeling that this is where he is staying now. It's a perfect place for him to also get time to himself.

he was supposedly at his brothers-but he hates the concrete and cramped space of a suburban town. 


Pilots house is between posSIL and our home. 

It would make sense him dodging the main town and driving at the back of SIL property because its the back way to pilots too.

Hmmm. Interesting now.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

lies, paint and the proverbial bull$Hit from a cheating EX..........

'Been on any dates', he asks. NO eye contact. Painting the rails of where the dogs have destroyed the back veranda.

I say, "No." (only with a P.I to case your a$$ , does that count numb nuts?}

"Yourself?"( I kn0w 2 x 4 on the head via Conrad.) 

NO eye contact. Mumbles "Nah." (Is it possible I can borrow that lumber back to whack this liar in the family jewels?) 


'Councelling is in a week and half." I say a bit later.

"Oh."

In-front of daddy listening. "You asked for it.. Remember?"

Phone call. Off he goes with his phone in a whisper to the shed. And I know. Tis the other pair of ovaries that has him in a twist.

I come outside with their coffee.

My eye contact >>> I know you're lying.
HIs> I know..or at least I think I know you know I'm lying. (Plus you're looking hot...sorry just added that bit for my own self esteem...heehee)


I walk back inside and find some music to put on while I put more clothing on ebay and they continue to fix the tiredness of our home.

Two seconds later an old Shania Twain album kills the silence with my attempt at humour.

"Whose bed have your boots been under?...." she screams and I feel a little bit wonderful for four and a half minutes.

Am I bad.? 


I know I am.
Couldn't be helped. 


ps...and by accident 'stupid boy' by keith Urban when I wasn't even trying. I swear he got paler by three shades. 

I love the new me though.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

damn it hurts when you see them again though.

He got the battery working on my bike again.

Told me he's service it tomorrow.

The gave me tips on riding with the group. 

I hate him for this.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> damn it hurts when you see them again though.
> 
> He got the battery working on my bike again.
> 
> ...


Why are you entertaining him when this hurts you so badly;;;;go no contact in every possible way;;;and let him know the same as well;;;
take care...be kind to yourself ...

hugs...


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> damn it hurts when you see them again though.
> 
> He got the battery working on my bike again.
> 
> ...


Yes, it does. From your last two posts I would agree with jmb - go NC as much as possible. Don't be there when he is working on things. It will be easier on you in the long run due to the "out of sight out of mind" principle. 

I love the new confidence with the "I love the new me" statements. Keep it up!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

because im here working on the house too..we have limited time.. Ive pretty much kept away from here most of the day. I was outside next to the bike when he came over and got it started. 

And inside when I had to put stuff on ebay. 

I went to the real estate to organise photos. Time is the issue here


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Ahhh, I see. How much longer will that go on? 

It is not unlike my situation with the cohabitation. But let me say from recent experience, that knowing when and how you'll stop being around them (the move in my case) is like a fast forward to dealing with some stuff. It know it might be hard when the day comes, but its like a bandaid - ripping it off fast sure beats feeling every hair come out.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

im having no trouble detatching at this very moment actually... just been verbally abused for a good while when I said

"im not ok with ...." and it was regarding a legal doc for the house. He did it without telling me. I have paid this mortgage by myself for over eleven years and he only started when the new shop was done. 

I'm exhausted and not good today.

180 ..going in hard. Im done. 


ps. update on my brothers situation with posSIL. I saw her today walking from the supermarket to her car. I got out said, "HI SIL"
She ignored me.

I deleted her off facebook just before so i don't have to put up with her crap either.

However very proud of my brother.

He said they stayed talking til 2 am. She wants out and is certain.
He said , "No worries if that's your decision but I'm staying so if you want to go. Then leave. Because im not.And you might want to get to Centrelink..because I'm not supporting something i don't want. "

He said, the girl who spends his money like water was speechless for a long time.

Good boy bro. 
sighs..... ok off to keep painting its almost bedtime for me. 




crap crap day


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Oncehisangel - yes this sucks but you are doing great! Keep strong!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

soca i dont feel strong. BUt thankyou so much. 

IM trying to self talk my way out of the crying bouts I keep having but Im lasting for about ten mins. Last week I was fine.


What do you do when they abuse you? 



He's never been like this. I'm wondering whether he's had a breakdown. 


There is so much to do, paperwork, damn stock everywhere, real estates coming, house upside down inside and out, wet paint. Just a little overwhelmed I think.

And the financial pressure is just enormous. I said, "you know I'm on the same page here. Both get rid of this debt and get on with life."

It doesn't matter what I say-so I have to work out a way of communicating the business side of things and remain detached. 

It's just really hard.


Pain wins today. Trying to get back the strong in me.


I don't like this  

I just want it over.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ok.. he didnt show up for a few hours. But his dad did. We ended up arguing over yesterday. Not bad. I stood my ground and said it wasn't acceptable the way WH could not have a conversation without yelling.

I said at the end of the day we both want the debt gone and to move forward. I told him this was not something I wanted(meaning when WH up and left) but I want to get on with my life. If we could manage to just get the job done without the stress of abuse it would be easier. He said that he was the one who made him get the section 32 for the house. So I just explained that I wasn't comfortable being told after the fact and that future business dealings were between me and his son.


We had a hug but I said if you want a coffee, go help yourself. 
Ugh. Im so used to being a hostess-it was very bloody hard.

WH rocked up and we avoided each other...or I avoided him and I was scraping paint off windows when he came and said hello.

He was different. Eye contact was prolonged and he smiled. NO apology. So I walked away.
He came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder and told me he'd rung my bookkeeper and she was going to take care of the ATO hardship forms. 

Inside I was fuming. I had been trying to get him to commit to paper some form of financial support. 

Made an appointment on tues at midday with my solicitor.

Sneaky ******.


Off to paint more and going out tonight for my son's valedictory dinner as a single woman for the first time. 

At least he'll see me all dressed up ( I know pathetic creatures we are!) and know what's damn walked away from!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ps. my brother is still going to build his dream home. I'm so proud of that man. He went out and bought new clothes today and has frineds coming to his house to celebrate his up and coming birthday before flying out tomorrow to Tasmania. He said, WW (WSIL) was watching as he walked in the door with a lockable cash box and files and on the phone to me.
She still thinks we are estranged and we have decided to maintain this illusion til we can blow this affair into exposure. He's off to buy cameras and VAR this afternoon.

I personally think something has happened between my WH and her. I think it might be done. Or maybe we have other parties involved. WHO knows..guess we are about to find out. 


Happy days *rolls eyes


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

OHA, 

Just spent the last two nights reading your thread...I'm a newbie here...I admire your strength I do! 

I want to know how your dinner goes... 

(((big hugs)))

And by the way...if you go see my thread...i've just been walked out on...I have a small lake house...needs maintenance...and I'm stuck with a big debt...so far he's not coming over to help with anything...
I accomplished putting the lawn furniture away and cleaning the deck before it snowed today... doesn't sound like a big deal..but it actually was...and the other night I had to organize the breezeway...i've been left with an entire mess...and the fuse box keeps blinking out...I have to keep flipping switches...I don't know why... :scratchhead:

I need some damn independance... this is the first time...i've ever been alone...  ...this house stuff....sucks...I can't sell it...I owe more than it's worth...and rent here will be more than my mortg...and I have pets... 

don't mean to hijack...but can relate... 

thanks.


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

I love the idea of the strange person the stbx sees you talking to. Neat idea and one of your brothers' that I might try to find a way to steal.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

lostinspaces said:


> I love the idea of the strange person the stbx sees you talking to. Neat idea and one of your brothers' that I might try to find a way to steal.


That went over my head??? 



ps and stella ... ah darling girl... have you got any family and friends that could help you?
Im so sorry you are going through this too. 

Seriously it breaks my heart and its early days for you. 
dont worry about hijacking..cool with me . big huggs back hun.

and I sat with my first xhub and his wife and a bunch of teachers and kids and had a ball..
excpet my son got upset on the way home because of WH. Poor kids..hes eighteen and feeling it too ... im so proud of him though


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ok...so on the way to the dinner...my brother calls.

His WW left in a hurry and swapped bags.

He went in and had a look and it seems in her haste she left a couple of things in the old bag before shoving it to the top of her wardrobe. He found laywer cards with appointment dates. (surprise surprise)

(Oh and I overheard a conversation today with WH and his dad and he had an appointment this afternoon with a 'doc' . Rubbish..solicitor..I heard them talking. silly men

second thing my brother found was a set of keys to a flat. 
A spare set. Yes, 'spare' was written on the tag.

He said why didnt I listen to you sis.
I said, "Because denial is a safer place at first. "


Love my bro. Got a flat to find ....I knew it! 

*shaking my head
still


----------



## Can't believe it's over (Oct 6, 2012)

Once I might have missed it somewhere, but does he still have personal stuff at your house? If he does I would call some friends over for drinks and have a bonfire and roast some marshmallows! lol ok maybe wait until he helps fix the house.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Can't believe it's over said:


> Once I might have missed it somewhere, but does he still have personal stuff at your house? If he does I would call some friends over for drinks and have a bonfire and roast some marshmallows! lol ok maybe wait until he helps fix the house.


Hi, Can't, 

with the work being done on the house we have managed to get his stuff off veranda and he's clearing areas. 
It's slow but he's getting rid of things. 

No choice really when I just plonk stuff on the grass next to his car door. 

We really loved anything medieval-we both shared a love of the era and there was a small collection of pieces that I had given my "Night in shining armour" , paintings, small statues and one of them was a knights helmet and a replica of King Arthur's sword I had crafted for him by a artist in Ireland. It took almost eight months to get made and sent to Australia.

The life sized helmet sits on a iron stand. It was a valentines gift to him. He loved it and it was pretty emotional moment when he received it.

He had said I was his Guinevere and he was my Lancelot. 

King Arthur, if you know the story was married to dear Guinevere and she had a life long affair with Lancelot who became one the Knights of the round table. The sword, was used by her in the ceremony when he became Sir Lancelot. This love triangle eventually caused the fall of Camelot.


I watched through the window as he picked it up the helmet, looked towards the house for a long time before putting it in the car. 

_Yes, remember that you bastard._

I'm selling the sword if he doesn't ask for it.

I had cleared out an old cupboard, found all these things like cards and big photo boards the kids had made him....I made sure they made it to the passenger seat... 

The workload here is massive. There is mess from one end of the house to the other. Cupboards with years and years of life sit waiting upstairs for the kids to clear. 

I have only a small amount of time to get this place done so it can get on the market. 
If I think about things too much I would probably go nuts.You just have to keep 'doing'. 

It feels surreal right now. Christmas looms but there will be no decorations this year. No presents. 

But there will be love-love of children, and siblings and as always my mothers cooking to fill us. My sister is arriving from China in a week-she is pregnant again and that is the best news our family could have. She is here for six weeks. 

She is fiesty and very moral. 

She has been a support to my WH and myself. But I know when she learns the truth-she will be hard to stop from going to pay them a visit.

I'm a little fearful of what she might do once she knows. If she doesn't like someone, or something unjust, she has never had trouble knocking on a door and letting them know her thoughts. 

Til now-she has told me that there is no way that posSIL and posWH would be more than friends. After all- she said, WH is like her brother-he would never do that to the family. *sighs

It is essential that my brother and I confirm with evidence our suspicions. 

The storm has started with the finding of the keys. It's just the beginning.

Timing is everything here. 

I need the rest of the big things done and his things cleared completely. The legalities need to be taken care of.

And we, my brother and I, need our concrete proof before a very big exposure.

It will not be a happy day.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

One way to find the flat is to put a GPS tracker on their cars. See where they go.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> One way to find the flat is to put a GPS tracker on their cars. See where they go.


I agree...


----------



## Can't believe it's over (Oct 6, 2012)

Once, I knew we were kindred spirits...I love anything historical, I read all the time..well used to, I will again soon. I know all about King Arthur.


----------



## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Your brother should take the spare set of key and hide them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

we were actually thinking of that eli. 

he went and got copies made. 
shh


----------



## Can't believe it's over (Oct 6, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> he went and got copies made.
> shh


I like the way you think!!!!


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Cue James Bond theme again...


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

soca70 said:


> Cue James Bond theme again...


oh boy soca.. I laughed so much then. 

Sooooo..... get that theme music happening.

Yours truely, donned a blond bobbed wig, hat and glasses and with a car hired by my brother .. and an old PI mate...off we went on our mission to catch some more evidence on posWH and posWWSIL.

ANnnnnndd
drum roll please

After a massive lie to my brother I followed our unsuspecting WSil pos x ten....... as she didnt go to her gf's house but after stopping for alcohol and a bag of food....she uturned back into town and headed to a house I had seen my posWH parked in the lane way a week or so ago.

I watched and took pics as posWH car sat on the naturestrip and pos WSIL drove into the garage and the doors rolled down behind her. 

This house is a friend of ours. a pilot who frequents CHina as part of his route. HE has obviously given permission for posWH to stay when he is a way.

Now, he and I already had a small discussion regarding talk of extracurricular friendship about the both of them'

He said he wouln't have much time if it were true. I wonder how he will feel when he is informed of this new development. *eyebrow lift

Ill be going back in the am to get pics of them laving if I can.


Tired girl this end.. night Tamners


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Girl, you cray-cray!


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I'm picturing this:


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

So do you think the pilot friend is out of the loop, or that he knows what's going on and is lying to you?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> So do you think the pilot friend is out of the loop, or that he knows what's going on and is lying to you?


Pilot friend has decent morals. He would have given keys to posWH to allow him some 'space' from his brothers as he is also estranged from his wife and kids )and didnt want to be)

He has no idea. I know this man. 

He wont be impressed.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> I'm picturing this:


ok....close...lol..not THAT blonde ...might go and see if I have a wig like that though...heehee *pokes tongue....

pps...I was walking the back of the property and had a minor hiccup. 

Lost my hire car keys. My eyes were as big as saucers when I realised. 
!!!

The back of the property backs onto a lane way.
I hid the car around the corner and grabbed my camera and tried to see if anything could be seen from the rear.

It took another half an hour on my knees, in the early evening light trying to find the darn things...all I could think of was that posWH was great with a coat hanger and breaking into cars....but I didn't really want to go and knock on his door while he was banging my poSIL and ask for one last 'good old old time' rescue of his disposed fiance, cause she still had blonde moments.

Good grief I was rusty on my old job. lol...ok back soon..early morning here and time for a peek.

brother returns to PNG tomorrow. And hes hit the anger stage...its not pretty


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Under normal circumstances, I loathe drama, but I must admit...

I want to come to Australia and hang out with you, OHA!

You are badass!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Under normal circumstances, I loathe drama, but I must admit...
> 
> I want to come to Australia and hang out with you, OHA!
> 
> You are badass!




Katy...on the simple aesthetic appeal of your cute name...thats a deal mwahs


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

HOLY WAX STRIPS!!!!!!!

Massive massive brother moment.........

posSIL slash 'tart who can't keep her legs shut and seems to want to morph into me by stealing my posWH'.... sorry..had to be said....
took a shower after returning to the marital home where my brother was minding the two boys after she picked a fight and took off. (pfft!)

He tells me he walked into the shower and there was all the evidence he needed that his wife was lying through her teeth and was bonking her way through her separation to him.

A shaved vagina!!!!!! Bald as a badger she was.

Now...I know...its a tacky subject...and I agree... but here's the thing..for eight years he's been asking her to wax, cut or polish her fairy place.....and there was always the 'no way. Im a natural woman." 

And husbands know that visuals like that are pretty damn obvious clues that she isn't finally giving into 'his' little kinky request.

Let's go back to the month prior to her leaving where we got into a girly-girl discussion on the wax on wax off area of "down there'. 
I mentioned that posWH hated any hair and I was cool with being *coughs ....nakey, as we say, cause he liked it.

And there it was for my bro in all it's glory...... he almost threw up.

Poor bloody guy. 


If she dyes her hair brunette IM shaving mine off! 

You just can't buy class can you.





oh and he found four credit cards, maxed out that he had no idea she had. 
Aint she a gem. *still shaking my head


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ooh..on a happy note....my brothers boss rang and told him not to come back til next week.

It enables him the chance to fit the var and gps tracker to the cows car.

Then she'll have trouble using the 'we're just friends' umbrella....won't she now?

Man I can't wait for confrontation day.... going to hand her my "Smooth Away' hair removal kit and tell her it'll stop the 5'oclock rash on his pecker...


seriously this is a bad bad movie script. Im done with it all.


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

At this point, I'm speechless...


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

soca70 said:


> At this point, I'm speechless...


you and me both dear soca- shocker isn't she. I just feel so bad for my brother. My heart aches for him. 

But he's being so strong. He's unbelievable. 

Tonight she told him she was going out. NO questions asked, nothing. 
She added that she was meeting girlfriends.

He informed that she didn't have any. And being relatively new to the town-this is true. 

her car came back at midnight, dusty from some unknown dirt road. The engine was cool.

My brother wants me to come with him-he said, this flat they have can't be far-the engine wasn't hot. 

He has the Var and gps (just needs a sim card) but he's having trouble getting the car away from her.

It'll work out. It has too.

Oh, and I did a quick block and Pilot passed me on his way home (I was in a friends car -yay..so I wasn't seen ) So they weren't there of course. Had to check that first.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Dixie Chicks - Not Ready To Make Nice - YouTube

doing painting with this screaming the house down...


ps. brother said, posWW(SIL) took off again last night and looks like she spent night without my posWH
It appeared as if she'd spent night in car.
Apparently they discussed finances before she left...and basically she's not going to end up as comfortable and she thought....especially when he laid out all the credit card statements she'd been hiding over the last eight years from him. 

He thinks the pos/loverturds are in trouble. She looked miserable when she came home.

ooh....

*plays song again....


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

*They always get sloppy.*

My brother went and visited his best mate Chris. Chris's wife has a wife who just happens to be posSIL best friend.
Amanda and my brothers wife have been glued to each other for months. Amanda thinks I am nuts. Paranoid. You name it-whatever posSIL has told her is enough for her to think that my good old posWH should run hard and fast. She doesn't think my posSIl is an adulterer. She is simply married to a monster-my brother. 

It couldn't be further from the truth.

Deceivers are amazing at monstrifying not only their spouses but the OP's spouse as well. After a while they believe their own lies.
It helps them feel justified in their actions. To face their immorality would just be a little too confronting, wouldn't it?

So, things are heating up on my brothers home camp- posSIL drains his account and leaves twenty dollars in the bank for her innocent hubby. Locks him out of the house and soon we are breaking in to remove important things of his..like laptops..and paperwork in case she does something erratic.

Chris, my brothers buddy, was the original person who one early morning back in September had arrived at my brothers place to see my posWH's motorbike sitting in front of posSIL's car-the pipes cold and appearing as if it was being hidden. My once moral partner was quick to jump on and dissapear down the highway after saying g'day.
"It didn't look good mate," Chris told my brother.

It was a giant red flag and the day that I saw him and he could not look me in the eye. But I was brandished as a grieving jealous XW and my brother chose to eventually ignore instead, as 'there was no way his wife would do 'that''. 

I knew better. Gut instinct is a fine thing to follow ladies. It always speaks the truth.

Meanwhile Amanda and posSIl grew closer.

Yesterday, my brother went to his mates house and listened as Amanda explained how she had received a phonecall from her babysitters mother.
"you might want to come down to the local pub tonight."

And off we went.

Small towns are odd. News travels quick. 
But the community spirit in an aussie country town is loyal to husbands and wives. They love a good gossip and the thrive on shunning the immoral. 

if you pray for revelation-you will be surprised at how you find out. 

So we are at this pub in a neighbouring town and meet a lady named Anna. She remembers my brother as posWSIL's hubby.
I am introduced.

And then the truth.

This pub-we learn, has become a haunt for my sleazy WSIL and my posWH to flaunt their lust.
But Anna...works there...she remembered my brother as 'the hubby' a long time ago in the one time he also visited with his then devoted wife of eight years.

She told us that they were all over each other. And were seen out the back of the pub in the car park 'going for it" Her last vision of them was in the middle of the main road kissing 'their faces off'.

Wierdly I was non-reactive. I knew the truth for months now. It was a relief to have someone else confirm it. My brother on the other hand got his final piece of evidence.
He was mad.
But he calmed quickly. It was sad watching him nod to himself as his last shred of hope vanished under the truth of a local barmaids witness of his wifes infidelity.

Amanda and Chris were with us- Amanda came to me and hugged me. She apologised for thinking I was just some crazy ex.

'It's ok,' I told her. 'I'm ok. It's not your fault. We all want to believe in the good in people.'
She has just lost her best friend. She tells us that all week WSIL has not responded to her calls. She is wiping her. She doesn't mix with liars. Nor adulterers.

I give her my number and say, "come and see me anytime'

Our reputation as monster spouses, my brother's and I, is being restored before our eyes. We end up having a good night. The locals are introduced and learn the story. 

I meet my posWSIL pool table partner. His name is Brad. He is 20. He tells me when he first met her she denied having a husband or boyfriend. She was very flirty with him.
He was shocked a few weeks later when he met my brother, as her hubby, on his one visit there but remained quiet.
Even then, she had shown she was looking for a little extra curricular activity.


The wayward couples hiding place will no longer welcome them when they return. 

Amanda is going to play the game. She wants to see how far my once loved posSIL will take her lies.

My brother sleeps at my house tonight. I can hear him snoring upstairs as I type this. It makes me smile. Amanda told him last night that he had a strong sister. He was lucky. 

I am too. We have always had a unique bond-he and I. 

God answers prayers. I have him back-I will get to see my nephews. 

It's not always a pretty answer when things are revealed... it hurts. 
But he's my family. And for me being estranged from someone who has always been my rock was harder to deal with than my posWH's affair with his wife.

Today-he is going to Alpha up and take the car she has not let him drive. The VAR needs to go on.
He needs more. These two are good at using 'friendship' as their reasoning for being together.

Our confrontation and exposing will be done a little differently.

My sister is on the way from china. My mother is livid now the truth is out. We rang her last night.

We will find their new flat and together as a family, including my three adult children=we plan to visit when we know they are together.

The tiny glitch in this is that posSIL is miserable and we believe something may have happened between her and my posWH.

I tell my brother not to worry-they will return to each other -they have no one else now.

They have pushed the world away in this fog they sit in.


I just want it done. 


love and peace


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I know you already knew what was going on OHAngel, but it must have still stung to hear someone else tell you, and to especially see how much it hurt your brother. I'm sorry. I'm glad that at least _somewhere_ the cheating spouses are seeing some consequences. It doesn't seem to happen often enough.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Hey angel. Yep. It just confirms that these people are not the ones we need. 

My brother just rang and because he bought my nephews. To see me..she punished him by changing her fb status to single.

And that she will remain.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Monday


my brother is here-he has just had a confrontation with posSIL regarding her affair-she denies it but did add "I can have an affair with him (my posWH) now I'm single. 

sighs.

i just listened to the VAR of their confrontation. I doubt my XH will find her foul mouth attractive if she ever shows this side of her character.


On this end-we have not seen heard or received any further help on the house or moneywise for over ten days. 
I believe it's because my brother is in town and my posXH is a coward.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Tuesday am.

My brothers container on his block of land has been broken into. Things that were my fathers have been stolen. Things that could get my brother into trouble have been taken. It is my XH who has taken them-I know his brain-I know how he works.

My brother just rang after leaving this morning to return home to see his child before he goes to school. 
His posWW has her car packed full and is intending to return to Tasmania with his children. They are trying to convince her to stay.

We believe that my posXH and her have split. She is adamant despite my brother telling her we have proof that they have not had an affair. 

My mother is now on the phone demanding my fathers things are to be returned. She is letting her former daughter in law know that nothing is hidden in our family.
We all share this pain, and we all know the truth.


We are all on the phone back and forth. He is trying to break her-to get the truth out.

She is shaking, he said.

It''s an emotional morning.

He said-she has fear and guilt written across her face. But he doesn't want his children in another state. They are his world.

please pray for our family.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Wow, OHAngel, this is really blowing up. You're in my thoughts, sweetie. I hope your dad and brother get their things back, too.


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Oncehisangel - all the best to you and your family.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Thinking of you, lady.

She sounds like a real piece of work.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ps. i love you people...

you are all so very wonderful.

stay strong

love and peace....

sitting here...waiting for next phone call...


Im scared for my brother.... Im scared I wont get to see my nephews.

I'm just trying to be still while I wait.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

You and your family are in my prayers angel.I had been following your posts for sometime.Take care.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

just peeking in...my mother and my sister who has just arrived from China are otw to my brothers.

Im nervous.

I will be called when they arrive... the house is around the corner from me. 

It will be the first time I have stood before her since learning of the confirmation.
My mother and brother have rung him.


Everyone has gone a bit crazy_ I just want to go to the beach and collect seashells or have a swim. Blah...

c u all soon

keep up those prayers please xx amd ps.. thankyou xxx


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> Thinking of you, lady.
> 
> She sounds like a real piece of work.



for this 'piece' that might be a tad understated miss katy....

I think they have both got a Bonnie and Clyde mentality happening.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Well, she's staying in Victoria and returning the stolen goods. Admitted it was a dumb thing. I know she is covering for my XH- a woman knows these things. He has the mind of a wannabe criminal and would do this as a scare tactic towards my brother. Even he knew she was lying-but still he says nothing.

Oddly enough-there is a huge part of me that just wishes we could let her go -let her go back to where she came from =where there was no mess she made. 
I feel wierd.

My mother and sister didn't end up coming. I was waiting for the call. It never came.My brother settled his WW with talking. My mother and sister spoke on the phone with my posSIL. I guess it's the right thing to do. 

But, there's a part of me, deep inside where I feel like she has got away with it-her adultery and destruction of two families-hearts are smashed, a wake of pain left in the eyes of children and spouses, who question their own personalities and at times, their sanity.

We take the blame, becaus of faults we were unaware were so big to them, we keep quiet and we walk away..allowing them to do whatever it is they need to to find a happiness we hope that wont come. When the truth is it is all smoke and mirrors for people who just were weak.


I need to be in contact with 'him' but I dont want to.
Its just business and bills....but I'm not happy about it. I keep stalling. 

It is as though we hold all the unspoken in quick glances. WE zip our lips and hold tight to methods like the 180...but inside there is the little girl or boy who wants to throw a tantrum and demand to know how and why and could someone just see all this pain and understand.


I feel worn by all this today. 

I wanted a chance to look in her eyes. 


I wanted to hold my chin up and show her what a real woman looks like. 
I want to hold up pictures of my babies to her face and say remember these kids..your nephews and neice, all grown up but still children who hurt and wonder what Christmas will be like this year.

There is a pain in letting go when you don't feel you have had the chance to just scream "how could you?"

I want to at least text my XH and tell him how Im starting to hate...and how I'm struggling to forgive as a Christian woman should. Most days I want to tell him how I don't care for someone like him now. 

But still, I remain quiet. 

But there is a grace in remaining still and letting them stew in their guilt. Let them wallow in the bloodbath of shame and God's eyes on their sins.

So, we go on. I go on. Move forward. Keep love in my heart and try and still the anger of today.

I clean out another cupboard I am left with- there is memories of fifteen years across the floor of my loungeroom where there should be a tree and a white teddy which has wings and plays Silent Night. It was bought the first year after my dad died and is bought out every year in honour of his memory. 

I went to get it out-but it was too painful today.


I pray that God's will will be done. That everything that hurts fades into the past, along with the photos of a once happy family.

NOw it is another baby step into the future...where love will find a way back. Where I will be brave enough to let some one hold my heart again and my children's respect and trust.


Til then, there are no answers,. No reasoning. 

It's just life . 

Sometimes people do stupid things and don't think about anyone else or the consequences of their weakness. It is simply the way it is.

We are the dominos in all of this. In their falling off the moral wagon.....they may push us over and not care but we can't let them take our spirit for too long or we may lose ourselves along the way.

Today was one of the hard ones. I'm angry that she can still deny all despite being slapped in the face with the truth.
The single and most important thing I hold on to is my knowledge that we do know the truth, that we aren't terrible, that memories of love were real-and one day....whether it's tomorrow or down the track...their reality will hit them and we will be ok by then.

My son walked in for a moment while I was writing this-he is in an out as all 18 year olds are. He looks at the mess on the floor and the mess of his teary eyed mother and stops and gives me the most brilliant of smiles.... I can't help but laugh through my tears at him.
"What?"

"Life's a bit$h sometimes mum isn't it?"
"Yes son. that it is."
"We'll be right," he says and adds, "What's for tea?"

And then I'm laughing for it goes on, doesn't it?


Life's a bit$h and sometimes it has puppies.....but this too shall pass.


big breathes...now what is for tea?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

_wow!_


_freakin WOW! _

I don't know if I want to hug you because you need it or because I need it to draw the strength you have from you...

x0x0x0x

if I even make any sense right now...


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

you are just bloody awesome, lady. i know you are in a lot of pain right now, but you strength & heart just shine. you will more than survive this. hugs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

stella, angel..... thankyou. ♥

as we say in Australia "it'll work out in the wash ."

keep your grace women and men. It's your power card here. 

love and peace


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Oncehisangel - your words are so poetic and meaningful. You are a beautiful woman with an obvious zeal and enthusiasm for life and your family. The best to you. Please keep us posted.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

crap it!

I hate triggers that pull you backwards.

My sister, visiting home, told me in her confrontation with the posSIL said she informed her she'd had barbeques with my posXH family, while still married to my brother.....I wonder whether they know, but I doubt it. "Just mates,' of course.


It hurt. I loved his family. 
How easily we are replaced without respect.




disgusted.


Meanwhile my brother is on a plane heading back to PNG. It's his 40th birthday. I hear a sadness in his voice and I ache for him. Through all of this he has been so strong, but it must feel like knives in his heart today. 

Her loss. He's a great man.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

They run away a lot don't they.? When they know you know the truth.

It's very interesting.

I have to get our two dogs put down and I keep delaying... we got them when we were first together and now they are ill. 

I sat with them yesterday in the grass for a while-they had both their heads on my lap and I was crying like a baby.

I just don't want to do this. He was going to-but as usual-he's disappeared since my brother confronted his posSTBXW about her adultery, the thieving and all the crap they have caused.

Having our golden lab sidekicks gone is just too heartbreaking to think about. They are the innocent and unconditional loving fluffballs who I have had wagging their tails at me no matter what the days have held. 

This by far, is the worst I have been. I have no strength for what I have to do. But my heart breaks at how ill they are. 

I have to make the vet appointment today and I'm not thrilled.


yuch


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Oh, I'm so sorry, OHAngel. What a blow on top of everything else. But it shows how loving you are that you're putting their suffering above your own feelings of pain. Hugs, to you, darlin.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

saw him at the doctors...we did the drive by finger lift in our cars-just that small "g'day" of a finger over the steering wheels.

So breaking the 180 regarding the pups I rang and left a message.

And surprise surprise-he didn't answer but after ten mins, he rang back.

We talked briefly about the dogs, the house going to auction in Jan_which he wanted to know what the reserve was and asking price.. I ignored answering over the phone and went on to ask him about which vet to go to.

He told me he had gastro again-I never believe anything he says now. He asked about our sons valedictory and I said it was a great night. S looked awesome and I was very proud of him.
He had a dig at me hanging with my xhusband #1-said "bet you had fun."
I replied "Actually, I did thanks."

I hope he vomits for a week.

Done with him.

Anyway a useless convo really-and nothing concrete as usual by the avoider he has become.

I went to dinner at my mums and shared a meal and giggles with my niece- who is a gorgeous distraction at the age of two, my cousin, my sister from China and another friend of my mums and my daughter.

We laughed over vegetarian curry and wine and inter-net stories and marriages and men and ...well..life.

On the drive back home it was then I realised..I had come to a place of acceptance. It still hurt when he didn't reach out-but it was for the kids more than me. It had taken four months. 


And more than that...I realised when we were together I had bought out the best in him and now he wasn't attractive as a person in the least to me. "She' was bringing out his worst. 

I however was complimented on how good I was looking by the girls and thought...you know what....I'm really doing ok....despite all the debris he has left in the wake of his adultery and abandonment.

It's still a rollercoaster some days..but not a fast one...Its more like dodgem cars when I think of it.. a few bumps now and then,some of them enough to give your heart a little thump but still a quicker recovery than the stomach lurching drop of the Big Dipper ride.

I am healing. And you know- I think Im a good chick. Somewhere out there.... my future waves at me.. I'm almost ready for it.


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Oncehisangel - I had to put to sleep our yellow lab, Bailey, last November. I could not stop crying for days. What's heartbreaking is the innocence and wholehearted love they have. 

Contrast with this and I've teared up a few times but that's it.

My heart goes out to you and your friend.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

thanks soca....yup...just such a hard thing to do. I think I'll disappear to the beach ...Im sooooo not looking forward to it. They are so bloody loving aren't they.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

DedicatedDad said:


> So glad to see that you're healing...
> Time is an incredible thing isn't it? It can either be your best friend, or your worst enemy.
> 
> Sometimes those who have been left with broken hearts, allow time to work against them, they glance at the clock and wonder if they can even make it through another second. Can you imagine a person so unhappy?, not knowing whether or not they can get through another second?
> ...


 nods..only way through it is one step at a time

You know what D.D, 
I think you hit the nail on the head..

There you go ....a nice Aussie colloquialism for you :awink:


I don't want to live in his shadow while looking toward the future. He doesn't belong there.
I have to learn to trust again-and that's the hardest..for me and the kids.

But there are decent people in this world too...I really believe this much.....not all are weak. Some still have morals and ethics and believe in the promise of a vow. 

God willing, He will plant them firmly in our path and allow us to grow and thrive again-let these bruises heal. 

I am kind of excited actually....and this is coming from a woman who has lost her man, her business, her planned future goals, her money, and soon her home.

I choose to trust again. I choose to respect myself. I won't let one person strip me of that. It doesn't mean I'm not going to have bad days- or doubts or anger....but I refuse to let those moments sit and stay. 

What's interesting about this-is that when you become strong and detach, it is natural for your children to follow in that strength. 
Mine are adults-but they watch. They are protective but I think I am surprising them with how well I am coping. They ring me often. They choose to naturally 180 on him. They gravitate to the person they draw courage and assurance from. 

In the past-they would go to him first, not me. 

It's nice to show them their mum is someone to lean on and she can take it.


I guess it's true .....you have to have a little rain to appreciate the sunshine.

ok,..edits that last line.....

......you have to have a tsunami now and then to appreciate the rainbows.

heehee...... ah life. 

Its all good.



ps thank-you for your wisdom D.D.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> I have to get our two dogs put down and I keep delaying... we got them when we were first together and now they are ill.
> 
> I sat with them yesterday in the grass for a while-they had both their heads on my lap and I was crying like a baby.
> 
> ...


My heart goes out to you. Nobody with any heart can easily do what you have to do. I know having to put my dying dog down after 14 years broke me to my core. I'll keep you in my prayers. Please hang in there for them and yourself.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Ta' NW... yeah.. Im the delay queen when it comes to my pups.

Im sorry about yours. It's just crap. NO other word. 

Funny, even though they are sick.. they still hobble over and park whatever paw or chin they can on me. 

At least they will be together..it's a small comfort and I have Lucy, the beagle. I'm worried about her..because they are her family..they were there when we bought her home. 

My three furry rascals.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

"Sleepless in Seattle" hey?

Happens to be in my top five chick flicks D.D. 

Thank-you so much for your response-that was really needed and perfect. 
Very humble girl here right now.







ps. you don't have a spare chair on that deck by any chance do you? 


God Bless


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Hang in there.

I've been reading the entire time.

You're doing a great job.

Are you in therapy?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

hey Condrad. Good to see you again.

Yep. I have been in IC. But I haven't been for a few weeks.

I'm doing ok.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

oncehisangel said:


> hey Condrad. Good to see you again.
> 
> Yep. I have been in IC. But I haven't been for a few weeks.
> 
> I'm doing ok.


Twice a week for a month.

Tell me all about it.

Your future is bright.

Believe me

I won't be leaving again.

Count on it.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

nods.

well that's excellent.

everyone missed you.


Mr C-it'll work out for you..the way it's meant to be.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

oncehisangel said:


> nods.
> 
> well that's excellent.
> 
> ...


It was dumb for me to agree to it.

But, I knew that at the time.

Love makes us stupid.

I missed you.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

well. I'm glad you are practising what you preach.

Because that would be giving up yourself if you didn't.

She needs a 2 x 4 Mr Condrad.

I know you love her so. She simply needs to wake up a little more.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Back to IC sweetheart.

If he does not challenge you, I will.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Back to IC sweetheart.
> 
> If he does not challenge you, I will.


*blinx*

oh good grief.... you _are_ back aren't you?


And..... yes sir. *rolls eyes....you do remember my C broke down and it was _I_ who passed _her_ the tissues? 

What hope does one have when your therapist cries at your journey?


Go help the masses of broken in here.... they need your brilliance.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> Ta' NW... yeah.. Im the delay queen when it comes to my pups.
> 
> Im sorry about yours. It's just crap. NO other word.
> 
> ...


 My heart truly goes out to you. Its especially hard after being betrayed by your spouse. 
If my story had been in reverse and my wife told me she no longer loved me, divorced me, then I had to put down my beloved dog. Well I'm not sure I would have be strong enough to get through that. 

As it is I have two puppies I got months after my dog passed away. If it wasn't for those two little devils I'm not sure If I could have made it this far. They give me a reason to keep my head level and also their companionship keeps me from going crazy.  They need me to take care of them and I want to provide the best possible home for them.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Spent the night in hospital with a gall bladder infection..It came on suddenly and violently and for a while there I was terrified. The pain was likeable to my last ten pound baby. No thanks!

Fun and games in the ambulance and a planet sized dash of morphine to keep me still.

I had one moment of "damn it wish he was here" and felt the tears start and got over myself damn quick.

My family went into overdrive and my son drove behind the ambulance, my sister came to the hospital and slept beside me til the wee hours of the morning. 

Daughter picked me up the next afternoon and I spent a few hours with all my kids at my first ex hubbys house with the step mum beofre my 18 year old drove me back home.. 

I missed my middle sons graduation but he was so gorgeous about it and promised me a dozen pictures. Life has bumps sometimes.

I came home and my gf turned up to cook tea and we settled into the night with a quality girly movie and lots of smiles.

It was a foreign way of handling a emergency but in the end I felt surrounded by love. 

It was ok. 

Surgery in the not too distant future.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

take care


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Glad you had so many people there to take care of you, sweetie. I hope you're feeling better soon. ((hugs))


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Feel better, sweet lady.

You'll be in my thoughts.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

thanks everyone.

Still have the pups...and they are still wagging their tails and I swear they grin at me. Going to set up a small pool in the backyard as they love it when its hot.

Im rattling around when I walk with all these drugs Im on.

I feel washed out but fine-pain free today.


My sister had a awesome run in with the posXH.. she says all the things I wish I could. She's not doing a 180 she just goes in and slaughters his screwed up thoughts with a tornado tongue.

Ahhh..I love her so. 

I really miss her when she is in China. She is like having a missile by your side. And she has no fear when telling someone how it is going to be.

Anyway...just another day today-going to try and sell some more ebay things for Christmas and clear some more space....

I bought posXH some boots......Im putting them on first. I dont care now. He hasnt given us money for a month but we are doing just fine. I have so much stuff to sell...we dont need him and his throw away coins.

ps.. your prayers DD are very treasured. Thankyou x

Have a grand day TAMmers.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Wait, hon -- maybe I misunderstood, but did you _just_ buy posXH a pair of boots? Like for Christmas or something? 

If so, why?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Wait, hon -- maybe I misunderstood, but did you _just_ buy posXH a pair of boots? Like for Christmas or something?
> 
> If so, why?


Lollll...nooooo

These are boots I got him before he became Mr Freedom to run off with posSIL... so IM going to sell them because he left them here.

And IM cheeky. 

The only thing he will be getting for Christmas is more of the space he so craves.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Oh, whew!! Yes, sell those right away. :smthumbup:


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

omg omg omg
i hate myself

MAJOR backslide on the 180

I'm hoping its the drugs or the sickness or hormones..or whatever but I totally lost it on a message to him regarding the dogs....and it went on a little wee bit......(just a bit...ok.....a big bit...and I swore and everything..)

oh gawd

*bangs self with Mr Conrads 4x2


Ok a little something like this..... 

message 1 "let me know when we can discuss dogs. I cant watch them like this. Its time."

no reply for an hour then 
HIM "how are you feeling?"

huh??? what the hell? Is this a trick question>? First sign of humanity in four and half months. I answered drugs help. I'm fine.

Then I sat on it. (women do this....its a genetic hiccup)

And sat on it.

And then I cried.

Because..... wtf? Why ask me this when I reaaaaly want to tell him "how do you think I feel a$$hole? Seriously? You left me in so much crap that I have no idea how I am supposed to do this by myself?

I gave up a business for you I wish I never had and now its sitting in four different places and you don't care.

How do I feel?

How the hell do you think I feel? You and your dirty penis went and, like a tsunami, violated and tore through not just me and the kids hearts, but also my brothers and those beautiful boys...you son of a *****....!!!! I feel like slashing your damn Harleys tyres. 

Thats how I feel!!!

I feel like putting up a picture of you on the free-way overpass with the words "This is NOT a good man" in blood red across your chest.
HOw do I feel? I feel duped. I feel small because of you. I want to hate you- instead I still pray for you. And part of me wants to pray for revenge. That's how I feel. 

SOoooo, that's what I wanted to say...but didn't.

I told myself to calm down....but I couldn't .... whatever trigger this pushed..it was a good one. I got mad....I paced back and forth. looked at his "How are you feeling" damn message ten times....I threw my phone on the bed and sat on the lawn looking back at the house I was trying to save.


And then I did it. I sent him a voice message. I could barely contain myself.

It started with 

" you know, every morning I don't know why..but I pray for you. I pray your heart softens. That God will find a way to speak to the old you. The one who loved his family so much. And the one we loved back. This is not a guilt trip-its just a fact. I do this and I dont want to. But nevertheless I do.

I pray and damn I want to hate you and be allowed to... Instead I pray for forgiveness for what you have done. It's not that easy. I sit in this house surrounded by us and memories I dont want anymore either. I"m jealous that you can walk away from them. 

I want this gone. I want to not have to call you. I want you to tell me what I'm supposed to do with our dogs. Its inhumane watching them dying and I cant afford that damn medicine you told me not to worry about. 

You used to be a man of your word.. I pray that inside there still is enough of the old you to come and finish this much at least.

I want this all gone yesterday. We want all the debt gone and the kids want to see me settled. They deserve this much. So what i want to know is whoever is feeding you that ignoring us will make it all go away needs a kick up the backside.....and if its her and shes listening tell the ***** to get fu%cked!"



ok..thats how I ended it.

o
m
g


dying


this is NOT a good digression


help


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

oh lord..its even harder to read....and I yelled the last bit


like yelled



I never swear!!



*grimaces...... just shoot me....


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

oh I do believe the word I called her was w h o r e 


eep


*slaps self with 2x4 again


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Stop kicking yourself..you let loose and you vented. You vented months worths of frustration and she 'is' a ***** and you called her one. So what. You've gone MONTHS with being strong and using hard 180 skills and so you made a phone call and vented on his voice mail...I say good for you!! Bravo in fact! You got to get a few things off your chest...don't you dare feel bad or kick yourself about it or feel bad AT ALL! Girl please...some things at some point just need to be said. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> Stop kicking yourself..you let loose and you vented. You vented months worths of frustration and she 'is' a ***** and you called her one. So what. You've gone MONTHS with being strong and using hard 180 skills and so you made a phone call and vented on his voice mail...I say good for you!! Bravo in fact! You got to get a few things off your chest...don't you dare feel bad or kick yourself about it or feel bad AT ALL! Girl please...some things at some point just need to be said. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*small voice

love you miss stella.....


still feel midly 'lost myself there for a moment or five"



thankyou x ps.. you are doing great btw. very proud of the ovary carriers in this place *love and peace


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ps i really wished i had of called him a damn coward



lost my chance


******


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Oncehisangel - don't be hard on yourself. You've been doing a terrific job on getting stronger. I'm not sure if calling a spade a spade to the WAS is backsliding or not. I agree with Stella some things need to be said (but who I am to say whether that's the right move?). 

STBXW asked me this morning, "Are you doing OK?" I wanted to say "What the he!! do you think?" but just said "Fine." What do they expect us to say - "so glad this is happening, it's just what I wanted and needed"?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

soca70 said:


> Oncehisangel - don't be hard on yourself. You've been doing a terrific job on getting stronger. I'm not sure if calling a spade a spade to the WAS is backsliding or not. I agree with Stella some things need to be said (but who I am to say whether that's the right move?).
> 
> STBXW asked me this morning, "Are you doing OK?" I wanted to say "What the he!! do you think?" but just said "Fine." What do they expect us to say - "so glad this is happening, it's just what I wanted and needed"?



see soca..here's the thing. IN here, in this place. we get you... 

big sighs.

I hear you loud and clear.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> Still have the pups...and they are still wagging their tails and I swear they grin at me. Going to set up a small pool in the backyard as they love it when its hot.


 Before it got cold here I bought a cheap walmart pool and had a puppy party. My babies loved jumping in it and playing. Awesome fun! Of course I was the life guard laying out next to the pool with a cooler of beer. No whistle though. Need to get one of those! :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

OHAngel -- sometimes we just break. You're human, and you've been dealing with a LOT for a LONG TIME without his help. You've been doing so great. I think you were owed one. ((hugs)) to you, sweetie. Don't beat yourself up, no matter what.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

thanks angelP.. x



up the hill
down the hill
up the hill


fun stuff


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

lol..I just told my bro about the blow up on message bank at my posXH and added I really am starting to hate her and him.

His reply, "5000 feet sis. 5000 feet."

Heehee.... Isnt he the best?


ok, back to painting


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

its really hard to not run on rage some days isn't it?


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

I woke up angry this morning (at 3:50am ...it's 5 now). I'm very rarely angry so I actually prefer that emotion to some of the other options. 

The trick is not to get hung up in one of the stages Once. Let the anger go and focus on making yourself happy.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

No Lost.

Once has the right to go off on him. Her STBX has been a complete ahole for months.

Not only that but a coward.

And his actions/inaction to date still cause pain to Once. He should finish the house. He should pick up his crap. He should help deal with dogs.

And most of all he should not ask how she is. He does not really care. If he did have the slightest care he would not have boinked the SIL and helped destroy 2 families simultaneously.

So good for you Once. Get it out. You should drop the dogs on his porch with a note to deal with it.

I think you are awesome lady. I pray that your ordeal will be over sooner rather than later. 

And that you find peace.

HM64


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> its really hard to not run on rage some days isn't it?


Yea it is... 

I even found myself raising my voice in prayer...cos I'm so 'angry'...I imagine all the things I want to say to him...and his parents...the fktards...

I just don't know how to get 'peace'...i long for peace...

I'm trying... I'm so trying... and I'm sick of crying... and the break downs..


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> No Lost.
> 
> Once has the right to go off on him. Her STBX has been a complete ahole for months.
> 
> ...


I agree with everything here but the dog thing...

Don't let those dogs cross the bridge with an unfeeling uncaring [email protected]@wipe of a man... 
you can take care of the dogs...God will give you what you need when it's time...don't involve 'him'...he's not deserving and he's not capable and moreso...the dogs don't 'need' the confusion in their last moments...they are going to need security peach and calmness...and assurance...and 'his presence' won't be giving that. Leave him out of it...as a matter of fact...when it is time...don't 'tell' him...and don't involve him AT ALL! Let him figure it out one day...seriously... seriously.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

peach=peace


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> peach=peace


i love typos in th emiddle of passion filled responses...amazing how simple a woman I am..got me giggling..*off to the green grocer to find a fat peach  
Ps. I think your right-he doesnt deserve to be involved. I guess I love them so much its the hardest in all this for me. I know my kids will come. Nods. There is my answer. 

lost- it's just another wierd day to cope with I guess. You just have weaker days some times. I guess I am very normal. 

happy<< thankyou. I did tear up a bit at your post. Some days...well some days I am a very frightened little girl. Some days I am the strength of every woman done wrong. I wish I could pick the days.


pps. You are all gems. ♥


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> i love typos in th emiddle of passion filled responses...amazing how simple a woman I am..got me giggling..*off to the green grocer to find a fat peach
> Ps. I think your right-he doesnt deserve to be involved. I guess I love them so much its the hardest in all this for me. I know my kids will come. Nods. There is my answer.
> 
> lost- it's just another wierd day to cope with I guess. You just have weaker days some times. I guess I am very normal.
> ...


If we didn't have the days we were frightened little girls we wouldn't have the days we knew we were strong and moving forward and getting better. There's 'gotta' be a time when the roller coaster ride 'ends' and I have no idea when that is. When we were with these [email protected]@'s we were on a different roller coaster ride...but yet a ride...a more destructive one...now we are merely on a healing one...which one is harder? Can we really answer that? But we can answere the question of which one is better for us...and sometimes it's not the answere we want to hear. 

F' him when it comes to the dogs man. He's no longer 'family'...get your support group together and leave that milestone of a day/moment for 'you and your support group'... DO NOT under any circumstances involve him. He is not worthy. It's too big of an ordeal.

...and yanno what...just like him doing what he did to you and your brother...it's going to be a situation...you can't take back. 

Let him deal with the fact he wasn't included...'oh well'.... too bad so sad...


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

ps...I wish I could pick the days too...


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Stella - I have to say to you that you are doing amazing through this! Keep it up!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

today the neighbours next door decided they would like to talk to posXH about the dogs.

there has been no reply.

he is now using the pilots bike to visit posXSIL. 

underground they think they go. I told my brother because she is still in the house while he is away and he is supporting her a little more financially than he has to.

The only ones that suffer while they 'party on' appears to be the ones left behind.

I wont though. Ill move forward by selling the stuff he has in the shed. 

off to ebay i go


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

minor success!!!

neighbour just left me a message after I came back from a ride...posXH had said he will be organising the dogs this week.

I swear I almost fell over with shock...and there was one for me.

Telling me about the dogs and that a mower part was needed and he'd get it when he could afford it. (this is a guy who earns a bucket load!) So, I won't hold my breathe on the last one.

But a response nevertheless. 

Ps. my brother just texted this from PNG 

"Just spoke to the boys then she got on (posSIL) ,she had it on speaker so I couldn't say much (he is trying to find out if my posXH had been over) She wanted to keep cheating (lmaoooo on spell check-it actually said this and should be 'chatting' ) with me but I cut her off and said _got to go_. 
She didn't sound too good with that. 
Like I'm over her. ALPHA MALE dude. (I love how he wrote this )
I don't need her. "



Isn't he awesome?

anyway. there u go update.... off to make a vip sykpe call


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> today the neighbours next door decided they would like to talk to posXH about the dogs.
> 
> there has been no reply.
> 
> ...


Stuff! What stuff???


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

exactly Happy


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

_just got this sent to me via facebook-thought Id share_

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I
have been married for 20+ years. We were
chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes.

We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfrie
nd came over and
found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ''You are the woman of my dreams.. I love you." Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his
office and I was wearing the leather bodice,
heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat.
When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a
word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing
the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a
mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the
door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner,
Batman?"


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

That is hilarious !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

LMAO -- so sad, but true!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

its gold isnt it? heehee


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

yea....might be stealing that one for fb at some point...that is hilarious... :O)


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ok..dead tired here but going to post this wee bit of news..

I paint every day...I'm on enamel at the moment. It stinks and I think I might be high.. but I wouldn't know.. I just feel all airy fairy in my head. 

Although, come to think of it..that may be a normal disposition these days. *winkies

Anyhow, I was feeling a little, "all by myself" and I do believe I actually sang the chorus of that song at full throttle while doing my final skirting board for the day.

I've been a tad emotional this week...fighting off tears and getting up to look after the dogs ten times a night. Memphis, the female is deaf now and barks at walls.. Im sure it is to let herself know she is still ok. The neighbours are very patient. We wait for posXH who is coming this week after all. 

But , It is beyond exhausting.

I receive a text from my closest g/f as I fall into bed. I have known her and her husband since I was eight. 

She is my conscience, my bestie, my coffee partner, the girl I whine to and know she'll still love me and my spiritual mentor. 

She's simply flipping awesome.

So, she's been busy on my behalf....there is a huge team of men and women from our church coming on the 29th to finish this house so it can go to auction. I can't go into right now..but the message had me crying like a little girl in her mumma's arms after being lost.

The feeling of being loved right now overwhelms me. 
There is no grief tonight. 

Just pure hope. 

I am full on people and the care that they can give when the chips are low.

My father, was a fine man. At Christmas time he would anonymously put envelopes full of money into letterboxes of those he knew were doing it hard. He never told anyone. That wasn't important to him. Just knowing someone was going to feel the spirit of love was enough to have him quietly smiling every Christmas. We called our dad the Christmas angel.

A few years ago, when the shop was thriving and money came easily, I carried on this tradition that my father had begun.
It was the right thing to do and the right way to let my kids know that Christmas was also a time of giving to those who needed it the most. They got so excited wrapping gifts and making hampers of food for the drop off when the sky was dark and kids were sleeping ready for Santa.

There was an elderly man who's wife had died. He lived in my street. At midnight on Christmas eve we would sneak down with bags of dirt, small garden tools and petunias and plant them in the garden strips of his driveway. His wife had done this every year til she passed away.
I watched as I drove by day after day. 

The first year after we planted the flowers we grinned all day and spoke of the man whenever we drove past his house. We watched the flowers bloom and one day saw him hobbling over the beds weeding. He was smiling. 
We did this for another two years, despite deciding to change families every year. We always had three. Somehow the petunia man deserved another couple of Angel years. 

We leave a card and a hamper of food signed The Christmas Angels, just like dad did. 

For the first time, I am not able to reach out to others. 

This has been the hardest thing. The kids haven't mentioned it but I'm sure it's on their mind. I was thinking of just cooking, but it hurts we can't continue the way we usually do.

The old man died this year and his house is sold. I am glad he will understand from where he may be right now.

Today, that text..telling me that everything wasn't on my shoulders anymore made me think of them..these families, and what it does mean to have others reach out and extend their hands. It is without a doubt a cherished feeling.

I am blessed.



love and peace to you and yours. xxx


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

That made me tear up oncehisangel. Stop that at once. 

You are blessed.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> That made me tear up oncehisangel. Stop that at once.
> 
> You are blessed.




big whopping hugs to you mr nowhere... you want a tissue? I have shares in the kleenex company now 


lifes ok at times hey...its just a wee bumpy now and then


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Life's road is even bumpier when the person who is suppose to love you leaves tire spikes and a few road side bombs along your way..

And now I'm 'Mr' Nowhere? Where did the Mr come from? :scratchhead:


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

its a lovely title.

'Mr' is for the cool men folks.

ok..so instead of driving over the tire spikes...you get one of those hovercrafts and cruise over them.

Just find a new way is all NW. 

You have a huge heart, a huge sense of humour. That's your gifts. 
These are the things you hold on to.

In Australia, we say , "She'll be right, mate."

And you will be.


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> You have a huge heart, a huge sense of humour. That's your gifts.


 You forgot 'Terribly attractive, brilliant and successful"


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Adam And His Cowardly Sons - YouTube

I watched this and it hit me...so true about my posXH

move on woman! move on. This I will tell myself day after day,


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

posXH came to house today without notice. ( isent him a text telling him in future he his to notify me of any future visits and also asked for a meeting regarding house)

His dad, brother, father and step-mom slash aunty (yes--its seems what daddy does is good for son..His step-mom used to be his aunty and was once married to daddys brother.) came ten minutes before he arrived. 


They came with trailers and took the three dogs and the kennels and bowls. And tools from the shed. 

He swore when he saw the skin on the two older dogs. I told him-yes its bad, and nothing I'm treating them with is working. He can see why I have been at him about them now I guess.

He came to the door. I didnt let him in. 

He asked for his mothers water feature. I gave it to him plus a clock and photos of his I had put away.

It is obvious his family dont know the truth and I am some sort of mad woman to them. I have to let this go as I know who I am and Im sure one day it wont matter what they think to me.

But I know the truth. And I also know a man who lacks courage and is weak. 

Through the fly-wire door he told me he will come and finish the deck. He took the big barbeque without telling me. I paid for it...but obviously he feels he has a right to it. Our eyes met once but I looked away-he is not my husband. He is someone else. A stranger.

I let him go with the past as I shut the door and my poor puppies who sat excited in the back of his ute thinking they were going on an adventure. I am greatful I was home to give them a last cuddle.

I cant stop crying..but this too shall pass.


love and peace


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Hugs, sweetie.

It's going to get better.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I'm just mad he didn't have the decency to call first.

And my son is furious. He came home after they were gone. He has grown up with those animals. It's a struggle knowing that there is no thought for the children's hearts in this. 

My ex husband number one and his wife came after too. They were very supportive. I am lucky to be on such great terms with them. 

And you are right Katy... it will get better.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

oh and another thing which was really odd....his hair has got really grey...since he has left.....in a matter of months it has turned salt and pepper....


my daughter is off to rescue Lucy, the beagle. She said-that dog is healthy and she's not going to stay with that douche.


I really love my kids.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

I love your kids too!

Do me a favor though, the next time he mentions finishing the deck, run outside, grab a 2x4 and finish him with the deck, right upside the head.

It might knock some sense into him.

Have a great Xmas!

HM64


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> I love your kids too!
> 
> Do me a favor though, the next time he mentions finishing the deck, run outside, grab a 2x4 and finish him with the deck, right upside the head.
> 
> ...


heehee thanks Happy..you put a smile on my sleepy face.

grand idea.

He's gone loopy.....obviously cant be around me by himself incase I tell him Satan has him by the balls again. *oopsies


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

My suggestion to you, sell his Evil "balls" on eBay! 
:FIREdevil:


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

d.d...... there is too many highways in my head to stay on one alone for very long.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

merry Christmas from Australia my Tam buddies.....may this year find us stronger, smiling again and dreaming of a new beginning without fear.


LOve to all. Peace to every one of you. 
THankyou for helping me on the bad days, encouraging me on the good and letting me know you 'get' it. 


Stay safe. x


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Merry Christmas to you, dear!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

oh boy....

I have the three kids here clearing their huge cupboards out upstairs and loading lives into their cars.

The comfort is the noise....the sound of squeals and laughter when they find some poem or drawing that the other has done..
lots of "look at this! Here, come see this ma" And then there are a few quiet moments and I know they are feeling it too.

Life's changing not by choice...but because it has too. Because of one man they once thought was a hero. 

I see it in them and I try not to do anything but distract them with my love and support. 

I haven't used the word hate at all....but I will say this..forgiveness is to heal..but it's not an easy journey getting to that place.

Im so tired..my bones are hurting. 

I miss my dogs..I walk outside and there is no puppy to come running or wobbling towards my feet. But I clean up old dog poo and old chewed balls that are sitting still under bushes that my old furry friends hid from the midday sun only a few days ago.

There is mess everywhere, and I mean everywhere, and it seems a huge mountain to climb in such a little time. 

'He' hordes, I've worked this out. I went through his places, the sheds, the yard he dominated....and really saw for the first time how he had begun a hundred projects and never finished one of them. There are cans of chip oil he collected for his diesel truck to convert it, old tyres, racing tyres, sheds in flat layers on the ground-not put up....just left waiting there, like us. 


I'm ok..Well I was, until my daughter broke down over a car they were doing up. It is a panel van...a well known icon in Australia. Bright orange. It belonged to my late father. He had sprayed it and fixed it up and almost had it ready for her 21st. I made a scrapbook of the work in progress and we handed it to her at dinner. 

She cried then too.
Now she cried because it was pretty much left in the weather and all the work on the paint job was hardly worth the effort he had put in those almost three and half years ago. The battery is gone and some parts of the engine. I dont know where they are but it hurt that she knew. That my blue eyed, blonde girl trust was fractured too.

So, we move forward...holding hands in our babysteps and wondering Im sure where all this will lead.

Inside, I try and be still in my God. I try and trust people. Myself.

My church friends came...told me to make a list and email him. I did. I doubt he'll respond. He is currently on a gaslight holiday with my brothers posstbxw. 

'She' asked my brother what he was going to do with his dog. He said, "My sis will look after it."
Her reply, "She cant have it. Look what she did to her dogs."

It was the only time I felt like ringing her and giving her a piece of my mind. It took a long time to calm down when I heard this. I had text him almost everyday about those beautiful sick puppies. I had sat with them and put useless powders and creams on them and watched as they slowly got worse. Still he didnt respond.
And now..now the woman who knifed through my families hearts and her own tells me I am to blame? 
That one hurt.

I feel like I'm slipping backwards in the enormous amount of mess but I know I'm not. This is progress and it needs to be like this to get better. That's what I'm telling myself.

Letting go....well....that's the really tough bit. 
Not of him.
Just of the old. 

I kind of liked it once.

So let's get on with it, then.

love and peace


----------



## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Breaks my heart to read this one....I have to stick with your other thread Angel. There is so much hope in that thread. A favorite saying of mine...when one door closes another one opens...


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

writing from hospital bed-borrowed the lovely indian mans comp to say Happy New Year to everyone.. will post when i get out...
surgery some time this arvo.

two days now on the wait.. 

happy birthday is tomorrow so my brother is breaking visiting hours with cupcakes. 
Cross your bits I can eat them by then! 


HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!! MWAHS
LOVE AND PEACE

ps, zip up a prayer for me. xxxxx


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> writing from hospital bed-borrowed the lovely indian mans comp to say Happy New Year to everyone.. will post when i get out...
> surgery some time this arvo.
> 
> two days now on the wait..
> ...


Happy New year Angel !!
And you are in my prayers and all is going to go well.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

And wishing you happy birthday in advance.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Thinking of you, OHAngel -- I hope everything goes well. Enjoy your cupcakes! Happy Birthday and Happy New Year! Wishing all the best to you in the coming year, sweetie!!


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

:smthumbup: Thanks for the updates, DD! Sending good thoughts her way.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ouch and some.. home now. after a six day adventure and a nasty gall bladder kicked to the kurb.. happy new year my TAMers..got some reading to catch up on and some sleep..

love and peace


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

welcome back.its new year and a new beginning.


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Happy New Year, OHA!


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Glad to hear you're home and well, OHA!

I hope you have a speedy recovery.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Get feeling better soon, OHAngel! Take it easy and don't do *anything* except taking care or yourself and resting. Everything else will wait. ((hugs))


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

hit a bump...

very stressed and trying to maintain some sort of balance.

Still in pain and frustrated because i need to get things done around the house. Alot of my friends and family are away at this time of year.

posXH agreement was to continue paying major bills til house was sold as there is limited income from me...and I'm working on the house.

Phone hasn't been paid nor electricity.....trying to ebay things but quiet right now.

*big sighs

trying to be strong,, but flailing around like a fish out of water,


between prayers I cry. Its a bit much for one girl right now.
Sorry Im on a bit of a down slope....and not wanting to be here.

I HAVE to sell this house before that mortgage freeze ends. Or have a miracle. One or the other 


love and peace


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

stay strong.all will be fine angel.take care.You are in my prayers now.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> stay strong.all will be fine angel.take care.You are in my prayers now.


aww thankyou jmb... means loads to me that my fellow Tamers care.

It's funny I feel like I am near the finish line. I'm trying to be strong. I think getting sick has put me back a little. The mind plays victim and I refuse to let it get me too down.

My son and I are trying to think of ways to come up with the mortgage and not having much luck-it'lll come to me I'm sure.

The world seems to be on holidays and I'm jealous. I think of sitting by the river and stopping you know. We just need a break that's not coming just yet.

I get angry that my body let me down this time when I need it the most. *she laughs..... weird now my thinking...how I am responsible for me and my son...no-one else. 

The hard thing about letting go of the past and 'him' is I keep hearing things through others,like my brother, or sister, or mum. My sister is taking the car off him- it will go to me instead. Good luck finding him I told her. He now loves in some shack his brother financed.

The posSTBXW of my brothers asked about what was happening with the assets inside _my_ house...I told him to tell her this. "What happens between me and the posXH is our business and kindly worry about her own ruined backyard.'

I hate that she's interested in my things. I look around and can only find three things he bought...one of them is the bedroom suite and I will gladly hand this one over.... some nights I find myself sleeping on the couch rather than in this room of lies.

Hasn't she taken enough though? I find it rude that she even has the gall to approach the subject with my brother. I see the past with her more clearly now. I had a shop..she wanted one. So, I helped her build it...helped her with contacts and suppliers and begged her not to go into this trade. But she insisted and she failed. It lasted a year.
She wasn't happy with the design of the new house her then husband, my brother, was going to build her... she wanted one more like mine. Now, he'll buidl what he wants and she can do the same.

And I guess, as you know, she wanted a husband...more like mine too.

Careful what you wish for, hey.

If my posXH wanted an affair or an exit from our fifteen years I wish he had of chosen someone who I didn't know, or once loved...this has made it so hard to continue to remain indifferent many times. I find her input into a life she has rudely intruded on the hardest to deal with.

Woman against woman I guess. I have this side to me that wants to tell her to run fast and hard from him...that all the love that spews out of him to her will mean nothing some day... He is a repeat offender and yet....maybe they do deserve each other after all. 

It is what it is- so we shuffle forward and deal with the lot dealt.

She is a hard girl. She doesn't like talking emotions...she is not very affectionate. I am the opposite. My emotions sit clear and transparent for anyone to see. I don't know if this is a good quality now or not...

I like cuddles and kisses and words whispered into my ears...I'm scared I will let that go...that I'll become more like I see her as. With a wall up. I pray I remain a loving woman...but scars run deep, don't they?

He, on the other hand, as my daughter has discovered and pointed out to me....knows how to put on a show. He knew what to do in-front of our friends and family to make me and anyone observing believe in the depth of our love. I believed him then. 

It is a discovery now that the blinkers have come off my own eyes thanks to an observant 24 year old child of mine. 

'He was a great actor, mum,' she told me. I know he loved...as best he could...but the public show that 'we' became was just that. An act.

Maybe he thought by pretending it would remain as it was in the early days. Who knows, but I have a wise kid. She impresses me with her views.

I don't know why I am working my way through this emotional flotsam and jetsam at the moment....but when I cleared the spare room I found a bag I had long forgotten about. I had kept years of poetry and love letters from our first years together while he worked away. It was crammed with the smell of the past and had lingering traces of a perfume I used to wear which he loved. 

I sat and read words of love and promises, and paragraphs about the pain of being separate. Pictures fell into my lap and pressed flowers from random places we had visited as young lovers. There was a desperation in each letter and I allowed myself a tear or two but the more I read the more the words were just that. Words.

It was like I was reading two strangers lives. I felt detached and then the tears stopped.

I think it was real then. I remember it being real. I just can't work out the day when the act took over and the reality of life crept in.

So, today...today I will try and move this body and finish painting enamel onto the window frames of the spare room. It's a peaceful room...I'm sure the next owners will love the feel of it. There is still a huge part of me that wishes by some divine intervention that I could keep this place I had fought for for so long. But the walls hold a reality that's a reminder of a past I need to walk away from and I think moving is the right thing even if I could stay.

My prayers are that we make it. That I can survive til it's sold. That bills are paid and there is time to cook a roast and bake my sons favourite chocolate mud cake....that we can find time to laugh while we change.

He's had a bad week, my beautiful boy. When posXH left, my darling youngest was about to head into his exam studies. The school had rung me a few times when they noticed he was out of sorts. He had broken down a couple of times and was trying for all his might to ignore what was going on and just get on with cramming. 

He failed to get into the course he had been counting on by one point. It crushed him. I watched that child work into the wee hours trying to get the results he wanted so much.
His teacher rang me and we are going to the uni next week to talk with a co-ordinator.

I feel for him. He has stepped up and become a man since his stepdad left but I haven't seen him cry so much since he was small. We sat on our new deck, finished by the hands of warm strangers from church and eventually worked out that life was tough but we were much stronger for it. He said through his tears, "This year sucks. Nothing went right." I just nodded and held his hands and said, "Yep. It sure did little man."

But, It'll be ok. It might just have a few more bumps, but soon, soon we will have our balance back. And we will find our new peace.

I wish it would hurry up.


love and peace x


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Ach, my child makes me smile. He just walked down the stairs with a loud , "Good morning mum, how did you sleep?'

I said, "Not bad. I feel a little better today....it would be even more delicious with a coffee." (He makes great coffee  )

He winked then left my room but returned a few seconds later with a framed picture of the three of them. My three reasons life is worth it. 
They had taken a shot of themselves and framed it and given it to me for Christmas but it wasn't out as the renovations had got in the way of any decorating. 

He just put the pic on my bedside table. 

I'm smiling. He gets me this kid. He knows how to put things into perspective. So there they are frozen in their youth and smiling at me with hope and love in their eyes. The picture will stay here I think. It's a good spot..I will see them as soon as I wake up...and before I close my eyes. 

Clever lad.

I love them so.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Yes they are D.D.. 

My three heros.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

As predicted posxh has stopped paying bills.

Its almost laughable now.

Off to try and sell more things on ebay.

His ride on is first. *blinx

I don't care.

There are no responses to anything now. NOt emails, texts or calls.. They have 99 percent been about the house/animals...no emotions just business.


Easy detaching from an idiot isn't it? 

Lovely day..boiling here...got home and there was a bunch of pretty flowers sitting in my watering can. I love my girlfriends...they know how to make me smile. 

Life is moving forward step by step...must hold on and have faith.

And sometimes chocolate. *winks


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

hey angel
mines gone pretty quiet this last week to. but then she has dragged mummy up for a few days to and some serious brown nosing to i suspect.

i really admire you though angel my god your doing what a job. hang in there , day at a time - gotta be somem good on it's way for us all after this bs hey


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> Ach, my child makes me smile. He just walked down the stairs with a loud , "Good morning mum, how did you sleep?'
> 
> I said, "Not bad. I feel a little better today....it would be even more delicious with a coffee." (He makes great coffee  )
> 
> ...


shut up will ya your making me bloody cry.

and yea they are amazing aren't they hey. how did we ever get like this :scratchhead:


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I don't know how..but we are here like this.

My sister went to his brothers house and asked for a forwarding address. She has balls, my sis.

Her hubby works for a major car company and as a benefit he receives his choice of three cars on a very cheap deal per month.

As they live in China. He chose me and then my posxh to have the benefit of this. We got one each. It is a humble gift and I pay a small amount for the privilege of a new car. I have been very thankful as it's one thing I don't have to worry about and we go safely from a to b knowing that there are no extra concerns regarding cars. If something is wrong-the company pays. Its a nice deal.

She wants his back from him as they legally must have current details and she really thinks that as he is now not responding to anyone in the family(her hubby was a great friend to him) that he no longer deserves the benefit of a new car. It is placing undue stress on her and her hubby as for the first two months pos xh didn't even pay for it.

She is four months pregnant and doesn't need this stress either.

I am shocked at how many people he has affected. He is a tsunami through this family.

She told me they(his brother and wife) were quite lovely to her but she laid down the law and said we try this way first or the police will get involved and he will be charged. His brother said he is busy fixing up his shack and there is no reception there. He hasn't heard from him in five days. She said, I'm sorry but it's been before Christmas since we have been trying to contact him. This is not a five day thing but I want it sorted. He has lost entitlements to this car. We are taking it back. (They are giving the car to me-its a ute which although I wasn't keen on at first-I have realised with all the lugging around of stuff I do it will be prefect and allow me more freedom in that area. I wont have to find someone with one to borrow. My car will go to mum. And 'he' will have his old piece of crap)

I read three texts she sent to him over the last few weeks and cried. She said everything I had wanted to say. She is my brave my sister-she held back nothing. I love her.

He is supposed to be working on our house but I have a feeling he is trying to force me into bankruptcy. It won't happen. I will find a way. The mortgage is huge....the bills unpaid as I found out yesterday.

But I have ways and means- I have a brain. 

I have grace.

I'll work this out.

I have his ride on on a site and I must admit it's a pretty funny ad and I'm getting interest and laughs from it.

I have a few things left of his which I will sell to get through this month of new financial trouble and I'm sure by next month I will be prepared.

He really has turned out to be a bit of a 'wanker'. (our common aussie slang for loser) hasn't he?

His silence speaks volumes of guilt. Nothing new there.

My sister said when she first saw his brother she said this, "I am not here to talk about posxh and angel. I am not here to talk about my brother and his posstbxw, nor am I here to talk about posSIL and posBIL... this is bewtween him and I)

She said, the silence was brilliant. It'll get them thinking if they arent already.

posXH new shack is a hop skip and jump from the rental my brothers posstbXW moves into today.

HOw convenient.

On a good note-storage has come up regarding the stock I have. It's local so Ill be able to get at it easy to sell.
And the house will look so much better without all the stock on the front deck 

love and peace


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

define irony?

you do your last post on the awesome benefit of having a new car with no troubles and when you next go to fill her up...fuel pours out in buckets from the rear end. *big blinx* wt?

....sooo...you go home and stare and blink again and look up at the sky and say , "Are you having a good old chuckle there God?" 
*ring insurance for company cars with BIL's company. Lovely lot too. Long time spent on the phone though. Too much coffee while waiting. 


Relax because you still have two wheels.

So you then jump on your motorbike and the battery is dead. Like past dead....like a hundred years dead. Look up again at sky and ask "Something you're trying to tell me there big guy?"

G/f rings in the midst of a tiny puzzled temper tanty and while talking to her about the damn potholes I keep stepping into, find dead rat on ground and wonder if I have the courage to pick it up. It is on it's back, I can see it's little sharp front teeth. It is frozen in this running on it's rear position.
I say, "I know how you feel mate,"

It takes four shopping bags and enough quality girly screams that the neighbours yell out , "You ok over there, love?'

"Sure, sure. I say. I'm right." I learn I don't like dead cars, dead bikes or dead rats. 

Blow me down! Seriously?

..lol.... and well, all I can say is... thank GOD Im getting his ute in a couple of days and I have an amazing girlfriend who dragged her very equally talented and mechanical bf to my house to work on my bike. One down. 

So at least I have two wheels and the car gets towed away tomorrow morning to go to the car doctor... side benefit. I pay for nothing. Small but awesome good news in the rubble of today.

got to laugh...


oh... so brother comes by.. posxSIL TELLS him , "you're having the kids tonight while I stay alone at the new place." Bossy little hussy isn't she?

Alone my buttocks. Seriously-the denial and bull is now funny...


Anyway..that was my day... nothing done that was highly proactive and exciting but none the less eventful...and I can do more man jobs than I ever thought. Wicked hey?

love and peace


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Hi Angel, how are you going in the heatwave?

Your updates are inspiring, I find you have great courage, and the ability to see the positive.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

hey bella/neighbour/fellow aussie... Im great. I love the heat... my hair looks awesome all flat and stuck to my scone.


And thankyou so much for that lovely compliment....I assure you i am very human..and have very fragile moments within this ride I didn't know I was getting on.

How is your headspace? And does your hair to wierd stuff in this humidity? Og gosh IM in a mood.... ONe of those days.


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> hey bella/neighbour/fellow aussie... Im great. I love the heat... my hair looks awesome all flat and stuck to my scone.
> 
> 
> And thankyou so much for that lovely compliment....I assure you i am very human..and have very fragile moments within this ride I didn't know I was getting on.
> ...


I have wavy hair that sticks out all over the place at the best of times, the humidity makes me look like I have been electrocuted! Since I live on coastal Queensland, we have humidity most of the time!
Yeah, moods are pare for the course.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Well, posxh just keeps on surprising us.

The brand new XR6 ute returned to my sister (left at his brothers house) was returned but lacking the spare keys, no fuel, filthy and damaged in the front left quite badly. He's only had it a few months. 

He did not inform my sister of this and to get it repaired it needs the spare keys to be returned to the company and an excess fee of 250.

I feel so ashamed of him. 

My brave strong pregnant sister had had enough. She was broken and crying. She had trusted him. So had her husband. He has abused enough of this family.

I'm so mad. HOw the heck do you remain indifferent when you have to witness his continued "shock and awe' treatment of all my family members?

After we bought the ute back here, my sister was just calming down when we received a call from my brother.

His posstbx grabbed the last of her things and his sons and a huge child maintenance agreement and her rent paid for the month.

He is being rolled.

I just looked up what he needs to pay and he is way over. This was taken on her figure that she said they (centrelink) recommended. I said, "Bro, time to toughen those dollars again or you'll have no life. She wants to be independant-then let her."

I heard my brother on loudspeaker crying for the second time since the first day he she pulled the ILYBINILWY line 4.5 months ago.

He kept saying "My boys, my boys. She took my boys."

I don't know what hurts more than this.

I am off to see him in about five minutes. I'm going to help with the mess she has left and fill in the silence.

This officially sucks. 

Ps sold his ride on today.. the electricity and phones will be paid. One mercy today.



love and peace


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

cutest thing... had a nervous call from my brother last night...

I had to go over and conceal a red spot on his forehead as he was going on his first date...

I've never seen my bro nervous over a girl before.... 

I took a spare microwave- he had kept the one from his house and was going to give this one to his posXW.
Her response, "I'd rather go without than use something from your sister."

No toys left for his boys in the house except she left two.... the things I had given for Christmas.

I said to him with a small smile, "This girl seems to have an issue with me don't you think?'

Poor victim she is. *rolls eyes


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can get my dog back?

She was the healthy beagle that was mine and posXH never responded to my daughters text or my email.

I miss her so much.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Not that I advise stealing...but take it. lol Or write it up in the divorce documents. 

Dogs are considered property and usually ownership is based on who has the possession of the animal as well as who has paid for its care.

If you have vet records that show you as the "owner" and statements of the services you have had done to the dog out of your $$, you should have a pretty good chance of it being awarded to you.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

thanks for the response vi
I don't think Im capable of stealing. My daughter is the one that is trying to get into contact with him regarding Lucy. But so far no reply-infact when he spoke to my sister the fruitloop remarked 'I didn't even hear from my kids at Christmas." 

Shaking my head.

On another twist and turn of events I went to a friends house on a road Ive travelled a gazzillion times and passed by her house on the way back home. Didn't stop-but did notice the leased sign and remembered my brother telling me it was there. But off I go on the way home and my brother rings me an hour later and says.... "I was seen driving past her house and shes going to take me to court"
I actually laughed at this and said 'What the heck for?" Driving at 80 k's ?

The funny twist..she wasn't home at the time.

I'm so over this garbage.


love and peace


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

this morning...

my son and his friend are here and cooked me breaky and the cat was lovely enough to bring a dead possum into my bedroom.

nothing to do but laugh here


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Well, at least it was not a live possum. Wildlife can get a bit antsy when it gets inside & break things.
Thankfully, all my cats can find to bring us are lizards & grasshoppers.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

breakthrough......

everyone clap hands.....

he is NOT on my house title

yay..small victory..probably why he stopped paying anything..he swore he was... and I had said quietly, "Um, don't think so.."

And then he got mad, looked confused and I said, "No bother.I'll find out then."

*grins with dimples

annnnnnddd
the nice bank lady said I didn't need him to sign anything til the debt was paid out after the house sells.

Back in the ****pit of control I go.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ooh you cant say c o c * pit...*double blinx*


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ah..and that convo with him was months ago. I haven't spoken to him in weeks. Left an email re dog and his gear but thats it.

I'm done-no need to contact him until house is finished and the banks can handle that. Have one more appointment with them this week and should know where I stand a bit better than I did.

Finish line here I come!!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I got served yesterday. 

My family and I are prepared to go to court.

Everyone is past mad.

The passing of her house on the main road the other day.... states I got out of the car and walked around the property.

I sat in shock as I read of her lies.

The good thing here is that my brother says she has cameras installed. 

I'm going to ask that footage of me 'walking around her property' is shown.

I was in his former bright orange car travelling at a normal speed on my way home.

This is all it will show. 

I think it would be a pretty stupid person who sits this car outside on the main highway and expects not to be seen. Amazed at the extent of the liying.

How can someone continually lie to hurt a family she once loved and who loved her?

I have no interest in this woman. 

if this order is in place I will be prevented from having any contact with my beautiful nephews.

That also means my brother and I won't be able to live together.
Birthdays and gatherings with the family will be without me.

I helped deliver those boys. I love them dearly. They suffer from this. It is past cruel now.

Still in shock. BUt prepared to fight for what is right.

Another test ...just a pothole.

love and peace


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

My goodness you are dealing with some real nut jobs there.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

pray my friends please ♥


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Sure will.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

You have to get legal help and fight.

Get the videos. When her accusation is proved false you should pursue her that she pressed false charges against you.

Good Luck


----------



## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I'm really not surprised by this. That emotional reasoning, the one thay says "I feel hurt..... so you hurt me..... you're an abusive person.... you beat/raped/damaged me and my shrink agrees" Yeah that BS, it'll get ya if you're not very very careful. 

The way I found to handle this out of court is to cater to the crazy accuser by giving them what they really want, ATTENTION and EMPATHY. Not in every case though, here I really think your best bet is going to be your character on trial. Anything you can think of to prove you're a sweet and giving person who harbors no grudge even though you've been hurt. That is where your therapist can come into play with her notes. Other than that I highly recommend exercises in patience so you don't blow it in court by getting pissed off and letting your emotions get the best of you. Just takes practice! 

In all honestly, the party that goes into court and acts like they "deserve" more money because their ex/ex spouse is mean...... Judges don't care! They only worry about what seems fair and even they they deal with grownup brats every day. I'm fairly sure you're going to get off with an even split and your stbxH's new GF will be told to shut up. Watch any live court show if you don't believe me. The ex who tries to take advantage gets shurt down real fast and that scolding takes most of the fight out of them.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> You have to get legal help and fight.
> 
> *Get the videos. When her accusation is proved false you should pursue her that she pressed false charges against you.*
> 
> Good Luck


:iagree:

Fricken genius idea!!!!

If you can get on record she has filed false charges, anytime she tries to file anything against you in the future will work in your favor. 

You got this, girlie. 

Some people are really sick and twisted in this world, aren't they?


----------



## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Better than my suggestion. 

I was going to suggest she get several friends from TAM to paint their cars orange and drive endlessly around her house. REVERSE GASLIGHT! Bet you anything after the first week the police wouldn't take her seriously anymore.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

nsweet Im being served with an intervention order by the stbXW of my brother.

Happy-I agree. It will be asked for. I know those cameras are there-they show the truth. 

My integrity here is being attacked. And my families.

I will remain calm. I have no issue with this.

I have had no contact with this girl since the last time we had a coffee. NO calls, no texts, no emails from either of us.

Not exactly someone to be afraid of am I?


love and peace


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I feel as though I am one of the main characters in a really bad novel.

argh...


surely good has to overcome evil here?


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Just think of all of the awesome books you can write. Make sqillions and be a best-selling author. 
Meanwhile the loonies who gave you the book material continue to live their miserable lives, going from bad to worse.
In the end, no matter what is thrown at you, you will prevail.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

thanks bella....

I personally think I'll be taking a long spoilt holiday once this is settled...


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

My brother rang me last night and asked me what i was doing-he had the boys and wanted to bring them around.
posstbXW had said, I could see the children (even though it is in black and white on the order that I can't)

I said, "No. As much as I want to. I do not trust her honey. She is liable to say we broke the interim order"

He said, "But I'm a witness."

I said 'Since when has that stopped her lies?"


I'll do this the right way, thanks. 

Funny how shes backing up rather quickly on her words.

I'm a bit down- the workload seems to be never ending. 
Yesterday-I lost all motivation...and wasted a day doing not much at all. It is stifling hot here.

On a brilliant note...and a prayer answered...my son called my name and came running down the stairs with his laptop...."Mum! Mum! Mum! LOOK!!"

"Read this...I think I got in! I'm not sure.. Read this to me."

He has been accepted into a major university in rhe city for his course. We sat there on the couch in the heat of an Australian summer with tears in our eyes as I confirmed that, "Yes darling son. You have been offered a first round place."

*grins

I am a proud mumma. 

I told him I wiwshed we could have gone out for dinnner to celebrate. But he didn't care. He just smiled for the rest of the night and we ate icecreams instead.

I have to focus on these moments...the beauty in the fear.


Financially..things look dim. Im quite terrified. I am off to the banks today. About the mortgage and to see if they can help in some way to get me time.

The freeze is up on the 24th. 

The overdraft left from the business is still not paid off. 

We have lived on whatever I sell on ebay. 

The no warning cutoff from my posXH has hurt.

But, I won't give up. 

I just can't.



love and peace....


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

OHA

You will get through. 

You have no other choice. Failure is not an option.

Excellent news about your sons' acceptance.

I know money's tight. I have Been there more than once.

Take one thing at a time.

I will be saying an extra prayer for you.

HM64


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

OHA - tell your son congratulations from the gang at TAM!


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Well done to your son on his uni acceptance.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Nsweet said:


> Better than my suggestion.
> 
> I was going to suggest she get several friends from TAM to paint their cars orange and drive endlessly around her house. REVERSE GASLIGHT! Bet you anything after the first week the police wouldn't take her seriously anymore.


I'm laughing so hard right now... :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

thanks for your well wishes for my boy happy, bella and soca. Hes pretty rapt.


I've worked out that some days are just really really tough.


Can't wait to have a life again. To laugh again...really laugh from my feet.

It feels like it's been forever.


love and peace


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

wee update

My brother took me out, with his new date for dinner. Lovely warm girl and a great night to forget about everything..

Today I'm off to my family solicitor for some legal advice.

Interesting event on the night out.. my brothers posstbXW former best friend was there (I had met her once before when we were called to go to a pub to learn of the confirmation of PA between mine and his pos's) told me last conversation (which she decided will be the last one ever)with her a few days ago-she mentioned the court stuff and said I was driving a 'black' car.

There we go. Says it all really.


love and peace to all

x


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> wee update
> 
> My brother took me out, with his new date for dinner. Lovely warm girl and a great night to forget about everything..
> 
> ...


There are times when the good truimph. Hopefully this is one of them, because the xSIL seems to be a real piece of work.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

my solicitor said this while shaking his head "Seems we have two people who have got caught and need to stay in hiding"

yup... he wins a lollypop.

sighs...what a waste of time this is going to be.

Anyway...Im contesting it of course. 

pray peeps..

love and peace


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> my solicitor said this while shaking his head "Seems we have two people who have got caught and need to stay in hiding"
> 
> yup... he wins a lollypop.
> 
> ...


Thinking of you !!!Take care of yourself!!!I wish everything be very good soon.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ok ....long update.
ive just hard a big darn shaky cry...but I think I'm ok now.

I hadn't had a shower and I Was sanding the bathroom...the one that was his. I made a coffee to have a break and went outside to ring my mum and then there he was with four trailers and four cars and his dad, stepmum and an old friend.

IN they came with anger in their eyes and I said "Did you call to notify me? You can't just land here."

He said, "lost your number"

I said "Ive been texting your phone and the house number is the same as the one we have had for 15 years. This is not right."

He said, "I lost my phone."
I said, "Again?'

He walked past his once former car and said, "Nice car." I said nothing.

They opened the side gates and started grabbing stuff. I was on the back deck-I didn't even have a bra on and I held my arms across my chest. He asked me where the ride on was.

And then it began. "I told him I had no choice. It was in the phone and electricity."

He started screaming how dare you sell my things.
I said "I worte you emails, rang and texted you."

It didn't matter, his anger went skyhigh and his dad and stepmum didn't help."

They took the lawnmower and anything they could. Wheelbarrels, eskys, camping gear.
I bought out his guitar and he asked for a painting a friend had done for us. Mind you she doesn't speak to him anymore. I handed it over.
I rang my brother, my son who was around the corner at a friends house. My brother hasnt seen him at all and was about to take the boys on a trip.

He arrived and parked his car on the lawn. As soon as he got out my posXH yelled, "And don't you f**n start."

My bro said, "I have the kids here mate."
MY posXH said with a fake smile, "G'day boys."
My son arrived. I asked him to take the boys to the park. I was worried I'd be breaking the order and also wanted them out and away from this pain. They are only little. 

My brother was as calm as hell. He said to him in a false friendly, "We should go out for a beer mate, theres a few things I'd like to discuss with you."

MY XH snarled back . "I'm not going for a bloody beer with you."

My brother followed them out the back after noting that 'his' trailer that his posstbXW had asked to borrow 'for hay moving' was attached to my posXH dads car. Lovely. Another lie between EX's to add to the list.

There was some yelling I could hear and I rang the police because I was worried it would get worse. 

Another friend I and my ex were very close to (his bestie)came with a dog. 
I thought 'great, here we go. You too?'. But instead of anger. He was in shock. He said, "honey what the hell I didnt expect this. He had just asked me to come and help get stuff."

I said, "You know me. Youve known me forever. Theres more to this."

And my brother told him about the affair. He had no idea. He was in shock. I said, 'hes angry because of it."

My brother confirmed that it was outside sources who confirmed it.
His friend looked so worried. I just said, "It didnt need to be this way. I've done nothing to deserve this bullying."

And he agreed that this was wrong. I said, "We will be the monsters here. But remember me. Please. Use your wisdom."

Two women police officers came. One i knew well and one my XH knew well. I told them he (my posXH) was a charmer and true to form he came smiling and with an outstretched hand. His was sugar sweet.

When they came back to me and my brother he told them the story. And I told them he was asked to inform me when he was coming and also I asked for my keys to the house. I said I had absolutely no concern with him getting his things. I wanted this calm but I felt very bullied and humiliated. I told them this was the second time he had done this. We told them about the order on me. 

He asked for one dvd through the ploice women. I gave him bags full and asked them to please keep this calm as it didn't have to be like this. This is his choice. Not mine.

She told me, "there was no charming and she could see straight through this." I was pretty greatful for her. The other policewoman remained quiet. She knew the same 'him' I had once known. I wondered what she was thinking. I noticed he walked outside a while with her later.

I was told by the dark haired policeman as I was packing dvd's, "You know. You are a beautiful person."
It was the first time I cried.

She looked at the title and went to inform him that despite sharing a mortgage he was no longer allowed to come onto the property without permission. He didn't say anything but disagreed later with me that he wasn't able to come here. Funnily enough I had noticed a police car early that morning come to a pause outside my home. His other brother works for a police gym. I wonder who has been saying what. 

He has two things left to get. 

My girlfriend turned up and my son came back. My brother left with the boys and I told him how proud I was that he came because I knew how hard that was for him. He is a real man here.

I was shaking the entire time. I asked my former step mum at one stage to please stop taking my things and to step away from the property. She finally did after the police visit.

My girlfriend and I waited on the veranda and then he came over to talk. He asked why I got the police here. I told him that I was scared. He said I'd never hurt you. 

Thats when our eyes locked. He will live with his truth.

I wished him happiness and reminded him that we still had a debt to be rid of and that I wanted the same goal and to move on. I said if you want to meet in a coffee shop to discuss this let me know. He has so much anger. I have never seen him like this.

I wont meet him though. I know this will go legal.

I heard him saying this isnt over yet. 

He bought up alot of petty things. Including the fact the kids didnt text or ring for christmas. I let him talk. Then reminded him that they had rung and text him on numerous occassions and he hadnt rang back. He said, "If they cared at all they woould have known that was my turn. And I got nothing. At christmas!" 

He is the victim in his eyes. He reminded me of the shop debt he still pays for on his two credit cards. I said lets hope we get rid of all of it then hey.

It was hard to stay calm. My eyes filled with tears at one stage and I was angry at myself.

Then as suddenly as they had rolled into my morning they were gone.
He promised to ring before getting the other things.

My son came outside. He had rung his siblings.. When I mentioned the christmas calls convo and the fact that his stepdad had said if he wanted to see me why isnt he out here, he said, "Ah, becuase I don't want to see that douche."

He asked if the kids could send him a Merry Christmas text....and for once we all laughed today.

He also said that the eldest nephew said to him at the park "Mommy and Uncle 'pos' were going to get married but theyre not anymore...but he put my bike together yesterday."

It kind of said it all.

My brother rang to ask if I was ok and he said, "I tried to talk to his dad and honey, they know nothing...but he refused to listen."

The wierd thing, in all the emails he said he only got in one hit this week (not true) he mentioned the one I had sent of a video on cowards. It was by a preacher. It got to him the most and he said, "How could you not expect a reaction."

I said, "Well, nothing else got a response so I figured what the heck, but added I was sorry he felt that way." (ty TAM)

When they all left it was then I broke. The tears came along with the crying. I hadn't seen him for weeks. It hurt. He was long gone and I was starting to become so strong.

I never would have believed that my gentle loving partner would ever have become this angry stranger.

It always gets messy, doesn't it?


love and peace


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

((hugs)). I wish I could do more for you. Just keep your chin up & faith strong.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> ok ....long update.
> ive just hard a big darn shaky cry...but I think I'm ok now.
> 
> I hadn't had a shower and I Was sanding the bathroom...the one that was his. I made a coffee to have a break and went outside to ring my mum and then there he was with four trailers and four cars and his dad, stepmum and an old friend.
> ...


I just want to tell you this.
You cannot lose your sanity and peace of mind for anyone.This life is a dream/And we have to work hard to let it remain like a dream.Sometimes a few people try to turn our lves in to nightmare;it is then when we try harder to turn our lives in to beautiful dream;
Your earlier gentle husband was good hence he was part of your dream ,now that he is what he is-he is turning your dream into nightmare;Just remove him from there;You are a strong and good ,loving woman;Your posts shows it all;But now you ahve to be a styronger woman and start living your dream without that POS;Never ever get emotional;
I also learnt that they are capable of hurting us so much;so let them;they are nomore part of us;
Please create your individual identity;You do not have to be reminded of him by seeing your children.L:et us be thankful of whatever good moments we created with these POS;And with them gone and so many memories lingering in our minds,yet we shall again create beautiful lives without them.This is the promise we should make to our selves.

Please do not cry;That POS is a coward;That was just his external mask(the anger and all);I am sure he is aware how he messed up with life;
But you know it is not about him.You do not have to console or feel better by thinking how he has screwed up his life;You do not have to feel the pain or love seeing him.STOP being EMOTIONAL;BE KIND TO YOURSELF;YOU AHVE TO START A HAPPY FRESH LIFE WHICH IS JUST ABOUT YOU AND ONLY YOU.

Take care.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

It only gets messy with selfish people that act like the cowards they are................


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

by the way, you and your bro were great.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

You are seriously one strong brave chick. If I could just have half of what you are right now I'd believe everything in my world will be ok. Your brother...wow...words just cannot describe what it is you two posses to get through this...but I want some. 

I'm sorry about all this...and yes...you've heard it all before...about how I want to tell you to keep on keepin' on and pick up where you left off before he showed up today...

He will reap what he sows...somewhere down the line here...he and that tramp will regret this destructive path that they've chosen. 

God will never honor their relationship...something is going to back fire...I just don't see 'bliss'...in their future...I just don't.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

my daughter just rang. 

Her brother had rung her in the middle of all of this, so she decided to send her X stepdad a message....while he was abusing me and taking his life.

"I am speaking on behalf of all of us three kids. We have rung and text you time and time again prior to Christmas without any response. ON Christmas day we waited for you. You who loved and left us. You didn't call. While you are back at home we ask you to please have some respect for our mother. "


I love my miracles and that will be the last tear he ever gets from me.


To my ex-if I could say one thing...(yes, TAMmers, Im feeling a little 'GOne with the Wind' on it again-so forgive me)


I am a woman with morals. I am a woman who will stand up over and over no matter how you may try and crush her.

I will move on with my head high...and even if I'm penniless....I will be blessed- I will love again, with a scar through my heart nevertheless to remind me of what is right and what is wrong and I walk forward without guilt...but with pride and God's hand on my back.

Be done with you. I hand you to HIm. 

NOt one more tear I give you. 

Forgiven by me. Im over you.



love and peace


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> You are seriously one strong brave chick. If I could just have half of what you are right now I'd believe everything in my world will be ok. Your brother...wow...words just cannot describe what it is you two posses to get through this...but I want some.
> 
> I'm sorry about all this...and yes...you've heard it all before...about how I want to tell you to keep on keepin' on and pick up where you left off before he showed up today...
> 
> ...


thanks miss stella.... got you all draggin my butt over and thru this ..... I hear all your voices whispering "shhh".....and I agree... I don't believe they will last, infact I think it is already shaky.
lol.. she'll be right. Im a tough nut to crack.

thankyou all for your kind words and yes..my brother rocks.


sometimes


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

the sun is shining here in australia....Im sanding walls and wishing for a miracle. My stomach is strangely doing the stress dance again. Those clenching knots that come out of nowhere and give you that flash of fear that stops everything are back. I guess when you know its crunch time your body gives you the signals.

My main focus is paying the bills and keeping this house on the move. I still have the shop in boxes in different rooms and on the verandah. Storage finding is an issue-but something will come up. Three more rooms to paint and the garden to mulch and Ill be ready to sell.

Meanwhile my first exhusband, who has been fantastic is in talks with my brother about investing in the property.

Otherwise...my kids and their friends, and my friends and family and my skype calls to my favourite person are regular visitors to keep my love cup full.

It'll be ok.



love and peace


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

if this cat of mine brings me one more dead animal I'm going to need specialised care. 

Got into bed with a dead mouse!


*big sighs

night TAMers xx

love and peace


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

:rofl:


oncehisangel said:


> if this cat of mine brings me one more dead animal I'm going to need specialised care.
> 
> Got into bed with a dead mouse!
> 
> ...


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

How are you Angel.Thinking of you.take care.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

hey jmb and everyone. Im doing ok.
My brother has just left with his new g/f and is off to his his financial planner tomorrow regarding this house.
I have my youngest nephews birthday tomorrow and feel angry I can't see him. 
Im praying this contesting of the order will at least allow me to see my nephews. It means my brother and my plans to live together will
continue.
I went away for the Australia weekend but it was cut short and I had to come home early. No rest this week. 

Life is a stepping stone of moments this end.

love and peace to all


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> hey jmb and everyone. Im doing ok.
> My brother has just left with his new g/f and is off to his his financial planner tomorrow regarding this house.
> I have my youngest nephews birthday tomorrow and feel angry I can't see him.
> Im praying this contesting of the order will at least allow me to see my nephews. It means my brother and my plans to live together will
> ...


Yes ,I am with you in your prayer.I wish everything is good again.Take care.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

my brother rang me.
He said, "well sis, they can deny it all they like but when my four year old says, Uncle pos sleeps in mumuuys bed every night-it makes it pretty concrete."

My reply, "Nothing we didn't know, bro. You want to go out for breaky?"

They will do what they do...and we will get on with life with grace.


love and peace


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> my brother rang me.
> He said, "well sis, they can deny it all they like but when my four year old says, Uncle pos sleeps in mumuuys bed every night-it makes it pretty concrete."
> 
> My reply, "Nothing we didn't know, bro. You want to go out for breaky?"
> ...


Nice way to confuse the kids. Nothing you can do but man are they two selfish people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

i know happy...It's awful. 
In our eyes, those little boys come first and foremost..but way down the track they will learn the truth themselves. 

It's pretty sad for them. My brother insists on them calling my posxh 'uncle'. 

I can't imagine that's going to be too comfotable for the pos's.

Posstbxw of my brothers told him that my posXH is still very upset at his ride on being sold. And she also mentioned his concrete mixer being gone. 
I'll wait for him to call.....which means I'll be waiting for nothing..so best get on with things. *winks

Oh well....such is life downunder at the moment. 

I can't wait for this all to be settled really. Im so tired of it. I spy my new life on the horizon............



love and peace to all


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Keep looking on the horizon. Life will improve for you and your bro.

And let those fools continue to act like fools.

That relationship is doomed.......

Peace


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ok this cat is now proving to be the alpha male....just bought me a bunny.


IM LOCKING HIM UP!


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> ok this cat is now proving to be the alpha male....just bought me a bunny.
> 
> 
> IM LOCKING HIM UP!


This is for your cat: :yay:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: .

thinking of you.take care angel.


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Cat is showing you he cares for you.

We have had a lot of rain here, ours keep bringing us baby frogs.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> ok this cat is now proving to be the alpha male....just bought me a bunny.
> 
> 
> IM LOCKING HIM UP!


Maybe he is one of those rare cats that hide in the outback????


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

http://i1283.photobucket.com/albums/a543/angel11118/teddyandmouse_zps6626e97f.jpg

the brat cat of mine


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

And he looks so sweet, not like a rabid killer of wildlife at all.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

dont let the sweet innocent look fool you bella...he's a tiger in diguise!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Well, its friday in melbourne and freezing.
I have court on Monday to contest this intervention order. I rang them today to let them know on my solicitors advice.

I hope I have a judge with fine morals.

prayers welcome TAMmers..... x


love and peace


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> Well, its friday in melbourne and freezing.
> I have court on Monday to contest this intervention order. I rang them today to let them know on my solicitors advice.
> 
> I hope I have a judge with fine morals.
> ...


I wish and pray that you get fair and honest judgement.I wish you happiness and peace.take care angel!!


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Kick their butts in court.

Just tell the judge that you are not angry that your husband abandoned the marriage because he was doing your brothers wife.
Tell the judge you love your brothers kids and wish to keep the relationship intact as their Aunt.

See if the judge comprehends that news on the first go!

Prayers to you Angel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ach.... Ive lost so much weight all my professional looking clothes are hanging off me. 

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. My mother and two sons are coming. 
I pray that this will be thrown out, or at the very least allow me to see those beautiful nephews of mine. I miss them so much.

Thanks for all of your support my TAM buddies. It fills up my heart that you care.

Once again my poor brother has his children dropped off and the first thing out of their mouth is 'uncle verne broke his shoulder"
Then they tell my brother that he stays at their house all the time and his posstbxw is going to a concert tonight with him and her g/f.

Funnily enough I really don't give a hoot.

I'm hoping this will be over and done as quickly as possible and I'm not in there all day. I hate waiting.

love and peace everyone ♥


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

All this mess will be cleared very soon Angel.I pray for you the way I do for myself.I am also in similar situation and just want to get divorced and be done with all nonsense.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> All this mess will be cleared very soon Angel.I pray for you the way I do for myself.I am also in similar situation and just want to get divorced and be done with all nonsense.


I hear you j.....can't wait for peace to reign on down. Ill be praying my hardest for you too *huggs*

Ive tried to write this twice now and keep deleting.


ok..to cut the morning into a short version.....

my posXH turned up for a little extra intimidation. I couldn't believe it. I text my brother and he said don't let them get to you. He was livid and at home minding his sons as she had asked him to. When my sons came they turned their back on their former stepdad and aunty. It must have been so hard for them. My daughter rang every half an hour from work (she wanted to come but couldn't make it)

My posSIL had a top notch lawyer. I had prayers.

I offered them this.

I promised to keep away (not hard as I havent been near her nor contacted her) if she dropped the order completely or I would contest it all the way.


RESULT-Case RESOVLED, AGREED, AND CLOSED. *grins


on the way out..........

my mother...well....she sure surprises me sometimes...my gorgeous classy mother suddenly stepped away from me and marched full bore down the stairs. I looked over the balcony, my eyes as big as saucers for I knew that determined look she'd get sometimes and saw her walk straight up to my posXH. Posformer SIL was infront of him-her back towards my mother. Her g/f stood mouth open from where I could see looking at my mum.
They couldn't exit quick through security. My posXH had no choice but to listen as my mother said her peace. 


Her words infront of whoever was listening, she told me were this, 

"POS you are a disgraceful human being! You are immoral and disgusting for sleeping with your family member-your own sister inlaw....and to think I had to hear this through the words of my grandsons!!! You are a pathetic person for putting my daughter through this and *she took a breath in and eyeballed him intensly* you are NOT the MAN we thought you were."

And there she stood. Not budging an inch. A determined mother speaking on behalf of all of our family. My father would have been so proud of her.
I have never loved her as much as I did right at that moment.

We all went for coffee afterwards and I realised it was all just another test. But God had me covered.

Thankyou for your prayers.

In about half an hour my brother is coming over and I wil get to hugg my nephews and give the youngest his birthday present.

Til then...


love and peace ♥


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Good or you. Your Mom is right. He is a pos.

Have a great day Angel.


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Great outcome. 

I can imagine your mother in full 'mother bear' mode. Good on her.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Thank you Angel for your prayers.

I am happy that the case has been dropped.

My concern is are you going to get to see your nephews.now.I hope there is no issue with that.I did not understand that part when you said you will have to 'keep away';keep away from whom??Though I did read your brother is coming down with you nephews.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

And I am so glad you mother did that. She should have spat on the POS ex of your brother too.That would have been the icing on the cake.I know I sound very bad.But they deserve it ,do they not???


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> Thank you Angel for your prayers.
> 
> I am happy that the case has been dropped.
> 
> My concern is are you going to get to see your nephews.now.I hope there is no issue with that.I did not understand that part when you said you will have to 'keep away';keep away from whom??Though I did read your brother is coming down with you nephews.


Hey jmb....keep away from posXSIL

I can see my darling nephews whenever I want-which means whenever my brother has them. 

I hadn't seen them for weeks and when he pulled up they jumped from the car and ran at me so fast.....with the biggest grins. I had the best time with them. Love them so....


I feel ok today. Friends came over last night who knew I had court and bought pizza and laughter. 
Today is a good day.

I've been putting more stock on ebay and now painting upstairs. I feel like the house stuff will never end but it's good to get my hands back into it without all the other extra worries on my mind. 

love and peace


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

My brother asked me out tonight. I didn't want to go. My son had a get together with friends at a mates place and after three phone calls from my brother with "Sister get out of that house!' I relented.

We went with my former posSIL's once bestie and her husband. 
There was a table I joined...and I must say I have come away very affected and sad that it appears the word 'marriage and til neath do us part' does not hold the same promise that they used to.


I was introduced to a couple. She was one year out of a nineteen year marriage. She was beaten almost every day. Her story and her subsequent growth into her own self had me in tears. Her new boyfriend I also learn had his ex run off with his best friend. This was his first g/f in the two years since his marriage dissolved.

I met a third young man who's wife had taken their young son and moved to Scotland. His heartache was in his eyes. He couldn't hide it. The fourth was a man who had custody of his kids, after his wife ran off with a drug addict and is now a user herself. 
While he was at work, he told me, they broke in and robbed him. There has been accusations of rape which he had to fight against and won, theft and a knife attack to him from the new bloke, and many police calls to his home in the course of his matrimial nightmare. He is still with his kids and had an order against his wife and her new wreck of a man so they can't come near his property. But he told me he was feeling ok about his life. His children were healthy and he had learnt to cook 'fairly decent grub' for the first time. 

There was one couple intact and they was my brothers friends (former SIL's bestie). Her parents turned up. They told me they had been married for 42 years. I said, "Thank God, I was getting hives at this table."

Call me a little pessimistic...but I was really weighed down by the sheer amount of people in this unwanted 'club' of broken relationships.

What has happened to our values? Why does everyone give up now?

I'm a wee bit sad actually.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> My brother asked me out tonight. I didn't want to go. My son had a get together with friends at a mates place and after three phone calls from my brother with "Sister get out of that house!' I relented.
> 
> We went with my former posSIL's once bestie and her husband.
> There was a table I joined...and I must say I have come away very affected and sad that it appears the word 'marriage and til neath do us part' does not hold the same promise that they used to.
> ...


Hey Angel,
I feel the same way you do.I think people have become too materialistic.May be that is why they tend to look just outside instead of inside.May be that is why all the values, all the good things are fading away.I know sooner or later everbody will realize whats wrong.And may be one day society will chnage with people more responsible and sincere towards their relationships .


I am glad to hear that you can meet your nephews .I would like to add that there are people like us in the world who do not willingly give up on relationships .So there is still hope.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Darn Angel what is in the water down there???

Hugs to you and I will add a prayer for you and your entire family as well tomorrow.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

jmb123 said:


> I am glad to hear that you can meet your nephews *.I would like to add that there are people like us in the world who do not willingly give up on relationships *.So there is still hope.


:iagree:


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

hi all. 

Moving boxes of stock from deck to small shed in the backyard yesterday and got bitten by something nasty.

My foot is twice the size and I can barely walk...I am off to the doctors but the pharmacist I saw this morning thinks it looks like a snake bite and not a spider, which I thought it was. 

I couldnt see what jabbed me because I had a large box in my arms and just kept going towards the shed.

Anyway, another 'grr' moment to add to the list this week. One step forward and Im sitting on my butt again!

My brother is here now and is cooking me dinner later tonight. He was telling me when he dropped his eldest off at his new school he was crying alot this time. He told him he was sick of unclepos being around.
This was hard for my brother to hear and he rang his posstbxw and she was actually receptive to his concerns for once. I hope she thinks of her children and acts accordingly.

MY youngest nephew is currently sprawled next to me watching "UP" and eating naughty foods from his auntys naughty jars. *winks

So theres some beauty in the day.


love and peace to all.


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Well, I guess it mustn't have been one of the more venomous snakes or you wouldn't be sitting there updating us.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Thats awful angel.I hope the swelling goes away very soon.Take care!

I just hope your brother's POSSTBXW atleast has some motherly instincts and see would atleast think of their well being and not make them suffer the way they already are.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

fun and games

had an allergic reaction to antibiotics last night.... *seriously of course I would despite never being allergic to anything prior to this!! 

I am now on an i v with a different drug. Have to go back in tomorrow and have more drugs pushed into my system.

foot looks really unattractive ...like fat sausages instead of toes. At least I have pretty nail polish on I guess.

So.. Im having a little spell form house stuff today whether I like it or not...
Still concerned with the house as I dont know if brother is willing to take on buying into it. 

Itll work out. 

love and peace x


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

It's funny how I think Im strong, but because Im so sick at the I moment seem to crash in my head along with the rest of me.

OH, it wasnt a snake--just some dumb spider who didnt want me moving into his space. 

The fever is a tough one to break....a bit like me 


ah crap it.

love and peace and wear shoes outside people...mwahs


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Back at you angel. No thongs in the garden! Hope you recover from your arachnid attack soon. XXXX


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

The pos former SIL of mine has Lucy, my beagle.

My kids are beyond angry.

I am beyond capable of finding the right words for what I'm feeling right now.


Whatever thread of hope that the posXH had any heart left at all has dissolved.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

sorry to hear that angel , maybe l was wrong earlier about him, wouldn't be the first time.
ps , l got bitten by a whitetail 12mths back . made a bit of a mess for awhile, yikes 

hang in there.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I'm not going to give them the satsifaction of a reaction. 


Anyway-off to paint today with sore foot and all. Life goes on.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

look who's coming to our house to stay


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

OHA - how's it going?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

hey soca-Im ok. Thanks for asking-just been recovering from the foot thing and almost done on the house.

Just hoping it sells quick as the finances have hit me hard at the moment. Some unexpected business debris has me a bit panicked-so I'm shuffling through.

Its the same with my brother-he turned down work when the stbxw left and now he hasnt got any...its stressed him alot. BUt there will be more soon then this wont matter but going through it is tough.


I had an arguement with my daughter today---or it was her really just not apporving of me not getting lucy from my x and getting the new dog I couldnt really afford.

How do you explain to your child...you just dont want any more contact with someone because it does nothing but give them another avenue to hurt you, and I really grieved for my pups-it was and remains a dark spot in me. And if by some miracle he turned up with my beagle I wouldnt hesitate in taking her back.

The new puppy was going to be an enquiry only but through circumstance I ended up getting her much early than anticipated. It was a mutual decision with myself and my son that we deserved to have a little hope in our home.

She is currently lying at the bottom of my feet in bed and the source of many smiles for us.

So Im still here..I have no idea what is going to happen..just doing my best on working away the time on the place til it sorts out.

And my son started uni and moved out-the house has suddenly become very large, he will spend the later part of the week back here...so for me having the new furball (who is my shadow) is nice company.

I'm writing in between and trying to get as fit as I can-the foot slowed me down but is almost healed.


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

OHA - thanks for the update. You sound like you're doing OK. Stay strong!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

painted sausage tootsies! 

That puppy...oooohhhhh....I want her! Did you name her???


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> painted sausage tootsies!
> 
> That puppy...oooohhhhh....I want her! Did you name her???


We called her Bear.

She is my shadow....it's love. 


House is officially on the market Friday- Im praying for a quick sale at the right price... soooo much to do this week...

Another of posXH mates rolled into my driveway with a trailor on Sunday- I was in the garden. He was a great friend to the both of us. He didn't talk much-just came to get the front end of a car that he'd left here. 

It amuses me how they can just rock up without calling first and I imagine it was the ex who said "just go around there".

We didn't mention 'his' name but when he was leaving he asked if I was selling...what was going on, and then if I was staying in town. My answer "Don't know yet." I know anything I say will be delivered back to ex to be dissected and distorted and in truth I have no idea what I'll be doing or where I'll be going.

He gave me a hug and told me not to be a stranger but i doubt I'll see him and his wife again. I was down for a while after he'd gone-he and his wife were such a beautiful presence in my life.


I only hope that one day they will be wise enough to look through the stories and lies the pos is spitting out. It's out of my hands. 

Life trudges forward in baby steps.

love and peace


----------



## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Hi Angel! I went to look for updates on yours and DD's thread, but I couldn't find it. Is everything ok? 

Sorry to hear about your foot!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I walked around the gardens of my house this morning with Bear and realised how much I don't want to leave here.

This sucks.


I feel like I have failed myself.


oh well...such is life. 


love and peace


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

oncehisangel said:


> I walked around the gardens of my house this morning with Bear and realised how much I don't want to leave here.
> 
> This sucks.
> 
> ...


I disagree with that perception.


----------



## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Conrad said:


> I disagree with that perception.


:iagree: that I disagree as well.



You have to look at it as closing one chapter and opening a new exciting chapter in life. You know that when one door closes, another one is waiting to be opened. 

Keep your thoughts, positive Angel. You are beautiful inside and out. Look to the future. The past is the past.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Miss Bear claiming her place on my bed...soooo cute.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I disagree with my own perception..it just feels crap lol

having a moment of darn it...Ill get over myself. Always do.

huggs


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

southern wife said:


> :iagree: that I disagree as well.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


yes maam


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

well its crunch time with the house...it's all go, go , go here.
My middle son has come to help for the day and my puppy likes getting involved and currently has a USA chalk white paint strip on her ear from helping. 

Meanwhile....my brother tells me that XHpos and XSILpos are on a four day country music festival holiday. 

It's hard not to be resentful of how open they are now and how I feel trapped here doing all this work with a load of financial pressure on top of it. I know I should remain indifferent...and in a way I am "pfft...whatever!" but inside, way down deep, as I smash through another job on my forever never ending 'to do' list I find myself wondering why I feel short changed.

Despite this my new mantra is "I think I can, I think I can."
But sometimes it's just so flipping exhausting.


I'm just wanting it over.



love and peace


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

ok.apart from a thorough clean...and one more coat of gloss...I do believe I have finished my darn house!!!!!
Annnnnnnnnnnnndddd this is what I've learnt after posXH left me for my posSIL in this fine mess.

I can use 'No more Gaps" with my eyes closed.

Paint your nails with hardcore polish if you use sand paper on a regular basis. That stuff is hard on your womanhood!

You have to be really sharp when using hammers. Do not leave your glasses in the car and think your thumbs will make it out alive.

Stop for breaks often or you do pass out in turps and small confined painting areas.

Being a woman doesn't mean you can't pick up the odd dead rat.

I'm not afraid to get rid of spiders now.

I take out my own trash.

I am brilliant at selling crap I don't need to survive.


I Pray lots....and lots. It works. He is always by my side.

I Put lip gloss and mascara on even when I stay in my jim-jams (girls only) It makes you feel prettier even when you feel like the most plainest you've ever been.

Do not watch soppy love movies for the first three months-it'll just make you want to smash your t.v.

Wear gumboots in long grass-spiders bite and make you lose your temper when you can't walk for a week.

Eat whatever you want...but make sure you get your vegies in --brussell sprouts are important even if they make you gag.

Go for walks and look up-not down. I read some story where it is supposed to help your moods..It does. Promise.

Stop and smell those roses...do not worry about thorns. Life has them. It gets easier when you realise this. 

stay in touch with those you love. Kids need you...so ring them! So does your brother, sister, mum, besties. 

Laughter is good....find things to laugh over...even if it's on you tube.

It is also ok to cry...but prepare for it...grab a box of tissues and howl like you've never howled. Then stand up and breathe. 
This too shall pass. That's one more day of grief you won't have again.

Having breasts does not mean you have to pay more at the bike/car repair place. Study your stuff first, or talk to a family member that knows his stuff and be armed. Knowledge IS power.

Some friends disappear, some stay, some are amazing. That's ok.

On lonely nights play loud music and come on TAM...help others with what you've learnt. If you're new and hurting like you've never been hurt..LISTEN to these people...especially the one's who have come through the hard stuff. There is a theme/pattern/script for this journey-they know their stuff.....take heed and learn!

Do not kick men in the testicles in the spaghetti aisle even though you want to. Try smiling as you pass, not scowling-not all men are your EX. I know this one is hard for a while but it really helps, trust me. 

And as for "him"....if he gets in your head...well get him out!!! He does not..DOES NOT...deserve any space in a future he chose to destroy. 
That's mine now, thankyou!

I'm going to be ok. No matter how this pans out.

Im tougher than I thought. So are you. 


love and peace TAMmers. x


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

just had a call from my brother---he was angry, to say the least.

We had been to mum's for lunch for Good Friday-lovely day catching up with everyone but he had to leave early to drop the boys off because his posstbxw had to go to the airport to pick up her niece and wanted the boys with her.

They meet at a park in our town. He saw her car and parked nearby, got out with the boys only to turn around and see my posxh emerege from her car with a 'g'day boys.'


They have always been disgustingly self rightous in their claims of not having an -pfft. Now she's admitted to being in a realtionship with my posxh-she has the indecency of including him now in the kid drop off. 
My poor brother is so angry.

Anyone have any idea what he can say to his posstbxw so he doesn't have to be in 'his' presence.

I said use the IM not ok with this line. Any better?


love and peace and Happy Easter to all x


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

I would suggest he tries to stay calm and not make snide remarks where possible.
Try the 'I'm not ok with this' line, but from what you have described, it seems like she would rub it in his face anyway.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Why say anything at all.

Put the boys back in his car and drive away.

or

Spit in both of their faces and leave.

Why say anything?

Do your ex's really know how to confuse the boys minds. I hope they get some counseling in the future.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

oncehisangel check in


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> oncehisangel check in


checking in good buddies *big waves and hugs all round xxx

ok... its rock and roll time-house is gaining interest and goes to auction in six weeks. 

I have done it. 

I have renovated a house. A big tired house too. 
She looks beautiful and fresh and clean and young again. She has her mojo back.

I am proud as hell. 

I on the other hand look tied, messy and have muscles in my arms like a tradesman. I can't remember what heels feel like and I haven't worn a dress since walking from my businesses. My mojo has moved to another planet.

I still find things to do I didn't realize needed doing.....like a chandelier above the bed...I lie there looking at it and see the dust that has settled unforgiving in the glass cups and really I'm so worn out, all I fantasize about is a massage and a day I can waste doing absolutely nothing but play my guitar or read a book...or walk a beach with my darling furball instead of worrying about damn dust and paint.

I have not heard from posXH and the longer I do not hear..the more I realize I do not care...


The grass grows and needs mowing...sun comes out, or it rains...sinks need unblocking, wood needs splitting, a new puppy learns new tricks, friends lose children in sickness, husbands leave wives and my own children are reaching for their dreams-and now I get to give back. All this stuff...I have learnt about life ...well, it helps- sometimes.

I am calm most days. No more big panic attacks and waking all night from a fear of being alone.

But...

Im broke (til she sells) and have no idea where or what I'm going to do(after she does)...or where I am going to live. 

I remain single and distant with men-despite interest in people I should be flattered to spend time with. I have a wall up that I have built without realizing. It will take time I imagine to knock it down.

Its been eight months since 'he' left to be with my sister in law. They are in an open relationship now. 

I am beyond exhausted but I'm ok. I feel that it will work out. 

People, friends, old customers and the new, tell me I am an inspiration but I don't feel it.

Sometimes, there are dark days -still. They come left of centre-when I am in the middle of the mundane or another damn song I used to sing because of the tune but now resonates its message because of the lyrics. I change the stations often in my car.

I write a lot. It helps. I write words that pour from wounds I didn't know were coming onto a screen which doesn't judge. It helps. 

I wrote _him_ a letter. Then _her_. Then I cried and deleted the both of them and took my dog to the park and laughed because she learnt to walk on her legs. She is my greatest distraction and my loveliest healing gift to myself and my son.

There are faults within each of us -the confrontation of my own has been a storm of another kind. 

Then there is the quiet of a house with no one but me, and believe me-on those quiet nights when I see the neighbours cars roll into the driveway and hear the cries of "daddys home!" I find myself wistful for the memories of what was. But it is not of him-it's not that kind of lonely now. It is just the lonely times of belonging to a routine that families always find themselves in.

So, we move forward a few weeks and it is all about baby steps and slowing down the frightened spirit. The roses I walk by in the garden I now stop and smell. I walk slower instead of sprinting everywhere. There is no rush to get me right.

Life..well...it has bumps. Big bloody bumps. 
I take nothing for granted anymore-kids, friends, rainbows, money, life-nor love.

My love cup fills now in a different way. A walking puppy or a visit from a long lost mate- a phone call from my erratic mother who loves me the best she can and lots of reflective times with my darling brother. 

I know through all this my faith in God, stands strong and carries me through whatever steps I need to take. He has me covered. I know this much. It's my truth and HIS. 

So, on that rather emotional and fluffy post...I miss you all but watch from the sidelines now and then- my heart bleeds for all the newcomers with similar stories and the pain you must be enduring. 

Be stong-don't give up. You are going to be just fine. 


love and peace TAMmers. xxxx


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm always inspired when I read your posts.

You are someone I admire greatly (and I don't say that often).


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Hi Angel been wonering how your doin.
Great news about the house. Can I just ask you though
for my own which is on the market now -how did you
manage to fund the reno's .
l was meant to finish ours but one I just can't afford
the renos any further and two -- you know that big
empty house your feeling ,me too.
But don't you have the kids still there Angel?
Anyway , just last night l layed awake like you , so 
much house and just one person up the front corner 
in all the space and dark . l cried and I've been teary
all day. Sometimes it just hits you doesn.t it ! 
8 mths for you , 6 for me and like you some days l
just wonder , how much fkg longer.
You've done so well , l know we're all proud of you.
So sorry they've gone publc on you , God do l know
that feeling. Mine have been doing coffees in the main
street since week 2 , believe that !
Their Karma will catch em Angel don't you worry, no way
they're a keeper , no way.
Good looking girl like you , your only worries gonna be
be the big stick you'll have to carry with you to beat them
of with.
l know how you feel though , the thoughts still making me
sick too. l wish it wasn't because I feel so alone and
buried in the mess this has left me in but , like you l
just don't feel like it. l don't know how the ex's or some
here either can just jump back in , really don't. Not that
l'm knocking those with us that can , probly a good cure
but , like you l just don't feel like it.
Well , not long til that auction hey, new start , release from
pressures and responsibilities , new Harleys , who knows.
l think l'm narrowing my new area down although , l"m
also thinking it'd be nice to just rent for awhile too ,maybe
even spend a few winters up in the tropics, there is 
my D though so l doubt that'll happen.
Well you've earnt a break Angel and l hope a bloody big
suitcase full of money falls out of the sky for you to
have one. Never know - could happen , maybe some
loaded city dude decides he just has to have that house of 
yours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

OHA - thanks so much for the update. I realize I have missed your eloquence (and undercover spy antics ). It sounds like things are moving along for you. A slow but sure progress. Take care!


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Angel

Glad you are getting things done and moving forward in life.

And you may call it being lonely or having a wall up



> I remain single and distant with men-despite interest in people I should be flattered to spend time with. I have a wall up that I have built without realizing. It will take time I imagine to knock it down.


But I think you are healing, getting the house ready and building yourself up to start anew. 

Just keep taking it one day at a time.

And do your best to stop thinking of him or her. You know who I mean. 

Give my best to your brother too!

HM64


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I'm so glad you checked in and we got to hear from you...You are an inspiration... I needed to read what you wrote...I'm a wee bit dark right now... 
They are in an 'open relationship'? What? as in they are seeing other people openly? Really? Dang...imo that's just going to bring a world of problems if your meaning it like I'm reading it... 

proud of you for the renovation of the house thing... please come and do mine...I have no idea what to do! lol...you've got some mad skils girl and strength... I wish I had it in me... you are awesome... please don't stop writing.. stop in when you can...

Got teary eyed reading your post.... just needed that...


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

It was good to read an update from you OHA. You are exceedingly eloquent and heartfelt -- I hope you decide to try your hand at writing your story as a book. 

Good for you on the house reno's!! I'm worn out from painting and packing, and the reno's I'm planning haven't even started yet! I want muscles like yours when I grow up, lol!! 

Take care sweetie. I hope the auction nets you a good price on the house -- more than enough for you to get a good new start. Don't be a stranger here. ((hugs))


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

thanks so much my darlings for your words and support...they mean so much....we are all bound by our own stories-what beautiful people you are. And Stella-you courageous vixen....keep going hun...you are going to be ok. xxx

To clarify a couple of things ... the posxh and posxsil are in full admission of being in a relationship-not an *open* one...oops....now wouldn't that be funny? They just don't hide it now. It has happened just as I said it would-they still don't admit to an affair whilst with us. That would be just too hard for them. 

My brother and I know the truth and do not hide it if anyone asks about our once other halves.

As far as finances go, I am fortunate enough to have loads of stock and fixtures and fittings from the businesses which I sell to keep going. Sometimes it's not so good, other times I make a normal healthy *wage*. 

AngelP, just tackle a room at a time honey! Eventually it gets done.

In truth-I sometimes have no idea how I have got through but I just have.

I hardly go out, I don't spend anything unless I really need to.
The church group helped an extraordinary amount by raising funds to get paint, decking rails and odds and ends. They propelled the whole thing forward and I will be having a traditional Aussie barbie for them as a thank-you when I am settled in a new place with my brother.

I thought about escaping further up north-to where my dads family liv,e but decided to be brave and stick around for bro a bit longer. Our dad would be proud that we come together as we merge into a new future.

My brother has a girlfriend who I was determined not to get close to but I'm afraid she has won me over. She is as warm as my previous SIL was cold. I watch the laughter and love between my sibling and her with such happiness. Despite work being on a dry spell for him, he has fallen head over heels and I am proud of the new gentle and respectful man he is. He is amazing with his boys and seriously a much better father. 

I remain an awesome aunty *winks... and my nephews run at me with so much love every time they pull in the driveway that any worries I have in a day simply vanish.

Tonight, my own boys drove up to see me- it's 1.30am...we have been playing the Wii and jamming to Guitar Hero. Lots of bad notes and tons of noise. They make me strong these kids of mine.

I have been a bit fearful this week. I can't put my finger on why so i try to keep my mind on other good things. I am back doing makeup for theatre but know it's also time to look for a full time job.The thought exhausts me actually. 

It's late here and I don't think I'm making sense so goodnight from Australia Tammers and take care of each other.

love and peace x


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

hi all you lovely people... just thought id stop in for a wee update.

auction soon-four weeks away and open days every Saturday til then....banks are coming down hard...so it's a scary time. I am off to see them tomorrow to plead for time and armed with letters and contracts from the real estate agent. She said, "This should keep them quiet for a bit". Let's hope so.
Please pray if you are a praying kind of soul-I need as much knocking on heavens door as possible. 

Haven't heard a peep from the posXH and I like it like that. 

If I see a car that looks like his or hers, or hear his name, I do find myself in a wash of physical symptoms which irritates the heck out of me...I guess the body still gives away signs of stress even though the mind is trying to tell it otherwise. Nothing a little post traumatic stress can dish out that I can't handle any more though. *crosses eyes

I do, however, hear and see things via my brother and his sons I sometimes wish I didn't. 
A picture went up on facebook of our ex's together and one of my brothers son's leaning against my ex-'she' was standing behind my kneeling-smiling-at-the-camera-once-hero, holding his hand...it was a hard day for my brother seeing it advertised so blatantly. I have 'her' blocked but my sis sent it to me-she was furious. 'My ex doesn't have an account and I wonder if he even knows it's there or the side she shows that is quite nasty in her comments.

ITs funny.. I remember staring at it trying to see if he was really happy...but realised it didn't really matter...it was what it was..and is. He is an adulterer on a ride of justification that what he is doing and has done is fine with the world-but we all know different. I didn't cry..I just remember staring at it for ages... he felt like a stranger to me. It was a very surreal feeling. 

A few days later that was to change. I had been clearing stuff on my laptop. I passed by the pic again..and yes I opened it...put it on zoom and looked into his eyes and wondered what had happened to the man who said he would always protect his family. I hadn't allowed myself to feel for a while. I had gotten used to pushing away any thoughts of them in my mind. 
I sighed and closed it and then came across a song he had given to me only a month or so before he had left. 

I had asked him about this song..what the name of it was, after he'd gone in those early days nine months ago- I had wanted to play it.. he said he couldn't remember giving it to me. We were in the kitchen and he looked away. lies came so easy then. 
But I found it two days after the facebook pic went up. 

Alan Jackson - It's Just That Way - YouTube

The rest of the day...I was back in it...the place of disbelief and anger.

But I guess the title of the song now takes on a different slant. It's just this way. So...yep..you still have a bad day now and then. It's called having a heart and yes, perfectly normal. Most of the time I don't actually think of him. I never I thought I'd be able to say that. But there it is.



In an unexpected turn, I have become quite strong friends with my pos sisinlaw's ex bestie. She is a lovely girl and we are off to markets together to try and move some more stock. It was her idea and I'm looking forward to getting to know her even more.
I gave her husband my ex's massive shed that was lying here and never got put together...she started to visit with her hubby when he came to get it load by load and well...there you go.
She said she ran into 'them' for the first time the other day and it made her sick to the stomach to see them together, and she turned her back on the both of them. This girl a few months ago was convinced by my sisinlaw that I was simply nuts and her and my crappy ex were *just mates*. The lies she has found she has been told are astounding. Thankfully she saw through all of it in the end and has had the grace to tell me so.

It is nice to see she now 'sees me'-a normal girl doing normal things all be it under a little stress. She thinks that I am perfectly sane and now there is something definitely wrong with her former best friend.
Anyway-it's odd how things turn when the truth is out. 

Oh, I am applying for work in a few days- a job I had waited for is being advertised. Wish me luck! 

The theatre is fun-it's good to be around people but I have noticed I am more quiet...and the bubbles that usually hold me up are not so...well..bubbly. 
I guess one day I'll find her again...the one part of me that seems to be affected by all of this. I just can't seem to fake being that bubbly girl who appeared to have the world at her feet. I think once I know what I'm doing-she'll be back. 

My brother has til the end of the month and then is officially homeless. I told him while I have a roof, he has a home. He still cannot get work in his industry and financially he is in a dark hole until he does.

Our friendship is extraordinary-we are bound by the cruelty of others and although I remember always being close to him-I cannot fathom a life without him now. We are siblings through and through-our respect and love is tangible. I am proud of the man and father he is. He is wonderful with those boys when he has them and he has shown dignity and strength most of the time. He remains on civil terms with his ex for the childrens sake..she has asked him to coffee recently which he politely declined (yay!) and I always tell him to remain cool and calm. 
On his bad days, which are unavoidable-I will find him at my door. Sometimes we don't speak. There is just this undercurrent of *oh, it's one of those days.*
There is still a lot of anger in him. I wish he would get see someone-but he thinks that seeing me is enough. I am his ears.

Today is our father's birthday. He has been gone nine years now. 
He would be so proud of us.. I know that much. *ach tears again.... look at that..surprise surprise....hold on..give me a sec.....

OK back

I know he would hate what we have gone through...but when I watch my bro with his sons...or we forget for a while and laugh at something stupid...I am greatful for all of this. This is one of our blessings from this stupidity. US. People that carry on our fathers name. Through the adversity we have found a good. Family is good. Brothers and sisters are important when the world crashes down. It is the gift in all of this mess.

God is pretty clever really....
now...it's time for that last big miracle.....come on house....where's your new family  Til then my friends... keep us in your prayers...

love and peace to all. x


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Hi, sweetie. Thanks for the update. I hope you get the job -- keeping my fingers crossed for you. 

Sorry that you're still getting those 'surprises' popping up that bring those feelings back to the fore. I still get those, too -- had one today, as a matter of fact. But it was heartening to see how quickly I've been able to go past it. Time does indeed help with the healing. 

It is so wonderful that you and your brother have been able to pull closer to each other in all this. I'm sure your father would be very proud. I hope your brother's job luck improves, too. It never just seems to rain, but to pour at times. I'm sure he's very thankful to have you, too. 

Your bubbliness is not gone, just a little...submerged? right now. It will come back. 

Stay hopeful, sweetie. (((Hugs)))


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

:iagree: with Angelpixie.

Good to hear an update and will keep you in my prayers.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

All the best for your job angel.And you are in my prayers.You all will be happy and peaceful and content!!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

To you, 

I saw you today. It's been since January that I've watched that walk. Known that face.

You pulled in-front me at the service station. I was on empty. Nothing unusual these days. It's a humbling experience having no cash when you need it. I don't mind-I'm busy and I don't need as much as I thought I used to. It's a fine lesson.

I got a fright when you turned. You were in 'her' car. Funnily though, I thought it was dark purple? This one looked black in the early afternoon light and for a moment I laughed and decided you wouldn't have the cheek to come to this petrol station. I came here. So did my brother. That would be way too risky. 

But then, just when my heart kicked back into gear with relief, I noticed a large smudge on the rear and that dust from our country roads had settled a deceptive mask over the deep bruised grape colour, letting me know it was you, after all.. 

You pulled in-front of me and I had nowhere to go...I was turning to get fuel and my car was now behind yours. I know you saw me. How could you not? I am in your old car..the one my sister helped me get through her husband who works for the car company. Do you think of him? He loved you a lot. He hasn't heard from you since the week you left. Hardly anyone has.

I didn't know what to do. Did I wait behind you and pretend that you are the stranger you want me to think of you as now? Or, do I go? I didn't know what to do. 

'Maybe it isn't you', I remember thinking, and quickly, while there was a break in the cars pulling in, I reversed into one of the parking bays on the side rather than sit behind the possibility that it was.

I look up and I see you get out of a car my brother paid for. I watch as you pretend not to see me- but, I know you well old friend and I know you feel my eyes on you. And surprisingly, my heart doesn't skip, nor race the way it does when I hear stories you are telling others about the horrible mess I made of you and how you needed to be free.

Yet, as I watch you walk towards the rear of her car, there is no happiness in your steps. Just heaviness. You are bigger again, like I remember. Your walk is tough and has that *I'm the hero of the novel here* look. I used to call it your biker walk. 

But it's the glimpse of your face which holds the truth. You have it tilted down and drawn into nothing resembling freedom. Between your eyes is a frown which is dark and looks set to stay. Is this because I am here? Is this what you want me to see? Is it anger at me? Or, is it just life-the way it turned on it's butt after we found out you were a liar like the men you told everyone you despised?

We used to love with such a passion. It was warm and safe. I'd wake up and often you would be staring at me waiting for me to smile into the morning..and you'd say, "There you are, my angel." And I'd feel eighteen again. Your face always was soft when you looked my way.

And as I watched this same face in a spec of time slowed down...the softness was erased in the cool winter wind and replaced with something I could no longer recognize. It was then I realized that some people made big mistakes and life went in such a different direction than we could ever imagine and it wasn't always the right way-but sometimes it took a while for everyone to see this.

I reversed out of the parking space and my last thought was that I felt nothing for that man I just saw in you. He was a stranger and not someone I could ever be attracted to. There was nothing beautiful in that spirit now. Just some angry guy showing an angry face to a girl he once told he'd have to die first, so he wouldn't be alone in this world without her.

When I got home, I sat for a while and a song was playing...it's a new anthem I have screaming at me when I drive now. I don't know it's name...just that it says in the chorus, " I'm better off now that you're gone". 

I don't know if I am better off....but it makes me feel hope...that I will be... that I'm getting there...over the death of the first you-the one I liked so very much. 

You jumped off my life bus. You weren't there for the whole ride after all. And I'm ok. I really am, just in case you were wondering and I know you are because your mate said that you had commented that I wouldn't survive without you. 

Well, you're wrong on that. I am. How about that? I am. And you know what...it was great to learn that I am loveable...even on my bad days. Life...it's a big giant lesson in love, isn't it? 

Anyway, the open day went well. The real estate agents said they had never seen so many turn up after two days of solid rain and still they came....all politely taking their wet boots off. One came again a few days later and has taken the contracts back to peruse.

I am proud of the house but I am ready to let her go. The children, are proud of their mum. That's all I need. I am their constant. They are mine. You really missed out on this part...where they are flying into the world of grownups and dreams fulfilled. The youngest, the one you called 'little man'...he isn't so little anymore. He is my protector-oh and he got into the university basketball team. He will be touring around Australia. But you don't need to know that now, do you? 

We don't talk about you much...we talk about life and God's blessings and brothers making their mum laugh- and the future. Oh, and a small apricot furball who rules the home and now owns my heart and never fails to be happy when she sees me. 

I wish you well, old love. I hope you find whatever it is that you feel I failed you in. One day, when I'm not thinking about you at all...one day, I know in my heart that you will remember and maybe, just maybe, God will show you how wonderful we were and how amazing you had it once.

Til then, I choose to thank-you for the past and to forgive you for the now. May the holy spirit hit you where it counts. 




*Forgive them. For they know not what they do.*


Love and peace, 

angel.


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Beautiful, OHA. Thank you.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

soca70 said:


> Beautiful, OHA. Thank you.


you are welcome soca  *hugs 

just needed to share-you know how it rolls.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

SO beautiful, OHA....wow

Its an eerie feeling when you look at the man you were married to but don't recognize anymore, isn't it?


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Angel, you have the most incredible way with words.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Amazing, OHAngel. You've come so far. It makes me bristle when you say he's told people you wouldn't survive without him. My ex said the same. Both left because they said they needed 'freedom,' yet both immediately attached themselves to vampiric women. 

And instead we are the ones who are increasingly free. Ironic.

It makes me sad that he cares so little for your children, too. What a sad, foolish excuse of a man.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Hey Angel.
One day it'll be you in the car in front but you'll have a happy and light heart and a spring in your step.
The vamps probably gonna end up old desperate and dateless and x well , sounds like things are already hitting home there.

I like to believe life has a way of balancing the scales eventually . 
Good luck with the house


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I went on a date. A real date!

Sooooooooooooooo, another little shared story for those who want a smile. 

In November, I buy a bicycle-it takes me six months to pay it off when the store policy is three. It has a straw basket, lined with floral material at the front and is very old school. Over the back wheels are beaten metal guards and a leather brown and white stitched seat complete the retro feel. I fell in awe with it the very first moment I spotted it.
I can see myself riding on the beach path without a care, smiling again because life is good. 

It is a totally impractical buy and my daughter is mad when I tell her I have bought it, as she thinks I am wasting money I can spend on the house, or bills. She is right. I almost cancel it. I tell her I am going to. But I don't. I can't. I want it so much it is pathetic. I have wanted a bike like this forever. Not a mountain bike, or some flash road racing machine...just a bike I will ride and feel free and healthy on and fill the front basket with market fruits, or a puppy named Bear.

It is on special when I see it....sitting out the front of a huge bike shop. I see it smile and wave at me and say "You so wish I was yours don't you?' 
And I do! It is a bicycle a girl would feel very pretty riding. I look down at my hands that used to have nails painted pink that are now calloused and carry a thousand days of paint and plastering and weeding. I need this bike so much! I want to feel like a girl again.

My car is getting fixed and I have no one to come and stop me from irrational buying this day. I have to wait while they fix some stupid part with a long name and walk the streets in a pair of heels I have put on for the first time in months. 

So I do. I walk like I'm not alone. 

And there she is, across the road and up from the car yard. The sun is hitting the rims and glinting at me as I stand there like a little girl with a stupid longing grin on my face.

But I still have to pay it off. Apart from Bear, it becomes my one physical gift to myself in the last ten months. I refuse to feel guilty. I can sell a pair of jeans, or a dress from the shop and use that! And I had sold my fridge....that was getting paid for next week. I could do this.

As I hand over my deposit and fill out my details we notice it has some small marks on the white frame. It is already reduced so I don't want to say anything but the young man says he'd 'talk to the boss' about a further reduction. 

A few days later I have a phone call. It is the boss of the bike shop. He tells me to take as long as I need to pay it off and somehow, this faceless man and I share a story....and I learn he is a widow and is on his own journey. It is an innocent exchange with a stranger and I know he has done it just as hard as I have-just differently. 

So, over the next six months, I pay it off.

The bike man is lovely, a year younger than I. He blushes when he talks to me as I visit to make payments and seems shy, but manly at the same time. I feel comfortable around him. He isn't sleazy at all. I learn he has three daughters that he is raising since his wife passed. Inside, in a deep place there is a selfish side that is weirdly approving that it is not another breakup through infidelity. I hate my thoughts sometimes, that they have come to this place. On the other side, the usual me...I find myself thinking how sad this is...this life....that love that is good can be taken in other ways we don't understand. It is cruel.


A few weeks ago, my brother needs to buy a bike for his son and asks me where he should go. I tell him to go to the bike man. Afterwards, he comes over and says that the bike man would like to take me out for dinner, 'no strings' and I should say yes. I raise my eyebrows at him and say, 'Does he now, and do you really?'

I like him, he says to me. He's a decent bloke. It's just for dinner woman! 
I ignore him, of course. I don't want nor need a man in my life right now. I am trying to figure out who I am again. 

The small texts come now and then. Letting me know the new handles are on. Or asking how I am. Random small slices of a man saying hello. He is funny. He tells me he rang once and hung up. He got too nervous. Some of these messages make me smile in a day where I need to. 

Then they stop and I find myself wondering about him. This surprises me more than anything, that I should care.

Then comes a text a few days ago. 
"Hi. I have just come back from Italy. "

He went to Italy? Oh. I smile because I realize I have missed these little hellos from a practical stranger.

"Anyway, I'm quite shy but I'm thinking would you care to join me for dinner sometime soon?"
He tells me he will take care of where we are going and that I am just to be ready. I smile as I feel the alpha rising in him and it appeals to the woman in me. A box is ticked on my approval ladder and he is somehow just that little bit more attractive.

And on Saturday, after the show-as I realize I am nervous, I meet him at a small intimate restaurant where he has spoken to the chef and kept the kitchen open late just for us. It is a restaurant I frequented with my ex and I always ordered the steak.
This time I have the chicken I never tried. Change is good, I think.

There is wine and he looks good, this man who sells pretty bikes to strange girls walking past his store. He is dressed in a shirt he has bought in Milan and I see he is nervous too. He switches the wine lid back and forth between his fingers and it makes me smile. I take it from him and laugh when he picks it up again.

And after lots of laughs and stories of Italy and a lone day when he discovered a piece of himself that he thought was lost and dishes we take pictures of with his phone- I suddenly realize how nice it is to be spoiled by a man who thinks I am worthy enough to make an effort for. 

I like him. He has integrity. There are no red flags. I look for them now...it is a scar I carry and do not hide very well. The staff are waiting to close-it is a quick meal because it's so late. I am hesitant to bring him home to finish our wine but I find I want to know more about him and I am suddenly brave and ask him back. There is no undercurrent that this will go further for now. I find his intentions are as he said, "no strings."

I feel safe. I am 47 years old and on a date with a nice man. It is a new world.

My son is home, with his friends and he comes and shakes hands and they 'boy talk' for a bit. I spill wine when I go to sit and I spill it enough that it goes flying across the space on the sofa and splashes on to the Milan white shirt he looks so lovely in. It is my turn to blush.

My life is a sitcom. But he is laughing and so are the kids. I feel so clumsy and stupid but I crack some joke about stain remover. He peels the covers of the white cushions I have also left wine on and I see that he is used to house matters.
I smile when he says my name. 
Then his phone bleeps and he sighs. It is his worker, the alarms are going off at the shop and he is too drunk to attend to it and says "Sorry boss-but you'll have to take care of this."

We are laughing now and there is a small frission of something I remember between a man and a woman as our gazes meet. 
As he leaves, my son is on the way back out with his friends..to a party around the next block. He offers them a lift.

He ushers the boys to the car and comes back to thank me for the lovely night. When he leans forward for a small kiss I am caught off guard. It is strange to feel a mouth on mine again but at the same time it is like water on a summer day. I find myself touching my lips after he has gone. I remember this. I allow myself to feel again and it feels nice. 

My son comes back a short time later and I wonder why he is back with his two friends in tow. They decide to not go after-all and the bike man drives them back home. One of the kids at the party doesn't like one of my sons friends and they think better about going. They are slow to be sensible but it's a funny kind of end to this evening.

He asks for the bike mans number and I watch as my son thanks him for the muck around with the lift. I am proud of him. 

He tells me he is a good guy-that he can tell he's a dad. He asks me if I will go out with him again and says I should. I tell him 'We'll see."

I would. He interests me. When he asks me how long its been since the ex left and I tell him nine months(but it is ten) he lets me know it is too early for me. He says something about twelve months.

He is probably right. But I don't feel like I am not ready tonight.

There is a gentleness about this man. A realness. I don't know what he feels about me but there is a palpable attraction. I am just me- but I hope he does ask me out again. He is someone I would like to get to know.

He calls the next day-while I am in the middle of placing makeup on actors faces for the show I am working for. I find that my stomach does its first flip...and I smile too wide for a girl my age.

He asks how to remove red wine form a shirt. 
He is lovely...and old school. There is a lot to learn from this dating stuff. I feel almost like a woman again. It is a refreshing wave of new for me and the house is forgotten every time I talk to him.

I don't know how this works...whether the girl calls...or what he is feeling..but it's ok... he made me feel like a woman. It's a happy place 'this' kind of not knowing. 

And kind of exciting, really. 


ps. Oh, and that bike.... I look good on it! It makes me smile every time I ride her. 




love and peace to all x


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

No way to like this enough!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I know right Mr C. *big grin


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Bike on Angel!


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Way to go Angel.

Keep moving forward......


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Nice one angel, great stuff.
PS , been trying to think of a line for the girl on the bike , in front at the service station-can't , got nothin ! :scratchhead: -


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Auction this Saturday. 
I'm nervous... there are butterflies pretending to be giant moths in my stomach. They won't leave me alone.



My brother has disappeared for a few days. He is under so much stress and so am I. There are job prospects-but he has to get an expensive license and the cash is finished. My heart hurts for him but I can't help him. I think he feels lost. He says he feels like he is intruding on everyone, but I told him to shut-up and be still.

I said, "Brother, you are my family. Pull your head in and get over it. One day-I'll need you, like you need me right now."

He is very much a man's man and does not cope with being without his own space and after mowing the lawn on Friday, he just left. 

I'm worried about him-about the fear I see in his eyes. 

He tells me that the exW drops the children off in new clothes and boots and looks smug when he comments on them. My ex we learn, is not working after injuring his shoulder early in the year. We wonder how they are coping financially. My mother thinks they are living off the money that EXW bled into her account just prior to leaving. Bills and credit companies still send daily letters to my brother looking for her. They remain unpaid. 
I wonder, if my ex knows how bad she is at pretending the world is free and hers to take from.

Enough of them.... now.....

So, the auction is Saturday-I work at the theatre that night and it is closing night. I am past exhausted at doing both the house and this, but it's also been a good thing because it has got me away from here and back to having conversations with humans instead of just my furball.

The last ten houses, only two sold at auction but the other eight sold within weeks. If I don't sell-the banks will.

I have one chance and this is it. All my life in one moment. It's really scary. 

The last open day had eleven groups through in half an hour. My agent said, she hasn't seen interest like this after three weeks in a long time so I have a quiet hope that all will be well-but you just never really know, do you?

So, now I pray and believe in the best outcome.

The job I applied for, I won't hear about for another week or so. I am hoping to make it to the interview stage. It will be a steady income and allow me to start again without fear and it's a four days on, four days off rotating roster which will be perfect for the other stuff I do. I have everything crossed!

Bike man continues to call or text each day and we are making plans for a not so rushed second date. I am really looking forward to this...

I have outlined a synopsis and rough timeline draft of a small novel which I have put in a drawer and will one day begin on the story of some girl who does it hard for a while but grabs some life lessons along the road back to smiling again. It is fiction, but as my beautiful mentor once said, "Honey, write what you know and it will always work." I think I have a heads-up on the subject matter. *winks. 

One of the actors at the show is also a part-time writer and we are dabbling in a new play idea as co-authors. It is a long term project but I can't wait to get started. It is a comedy/farce and already, as I do his makeup three nights a week, I have ended up with tears rolling down my cheeks as we hash out scenes and characters. It feels so good to laugh from the belly again and not think of shadows and dark places.

So, little glimpses of my 'maybe' future are hinting of their presence. But, today, my mind stays firmly fixed on the now and what I must do to work towards those promising small hopes ahead.


Here we go then, my friends.

Please pray...hard... I need all the help I can get.


love and peace x


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

oh...and for example.....this is what one room was like *before* and *after* I got to it. I am, I have found....darn good at make-overs- but slow! lol


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> oh...and for example.....this is what one room was like *before* and *after* I got to it. I am, I have found....darn good at make-overs- but slow! lol


Good job, looks great.:smthumbup:


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

OHA - don't laugh but that looks very much like the bathrooms in my house!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

soca70 said:


> OHA - don't laugh but that looks very much like the bathrooms in my house!


lol... really? You know, Soca.. when I leave here.. I am NEVER getting small black and white tiles again!!! I spent three days just doing the grout.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

hey Angel , got a job for ya , a bathroom :lol:
Should see mine right now , it's got a camping hose shower plugged into the taps because it didn't have a shower just the bath.
Wow , nice job. Great feedback on the house too sounds promising. Good luck hey you've earn't it. Things are crossed for ya:smthumbup:


----------



## tiamaria02 (Jun 18, 2013)

This whole ordeal should most definitely be written into a novel. It would be tragic but beautiful. You are so strong sweetie! I definitely can't wait for more updates! Wishing you the best!!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Argh...emotional crappy day.... 

Although we have had over thirty groups through the home, I was left feeling very scared after the pre-auction visit to my estate agent.

I have to be prepared for a no sale... especially given the economy as it stands-but I'm praying it won't happen.

Reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallly nervous. (the understatement of the year)

I was with the agent..and guess who rang asking for the sale of contract while I was there... Yes, the wayward disappearing ex..... he finally turtle necked his head out of his fog to put his nose into the house for the first time.
I'm thinking he is either going to buy it back for the woman I once called family----

(bahahaha-funny thought though- and he shares the mortgage he no longer pays)

Or---- a caveat is about to be placed on the settlement(if I get that far) Nothing surprises me. My solicitor was rang there and then and my mum's caveat was secured first. 

I did my maths last night and it was...well.....enlightening...and the advertised price at its high end pretty much leaves me enough for a bike and to be debt free.. but that's it! If it goes over...well yay...I might get a little start to a new beginning..if it's under....I will at least have paid out the banks and my mum(who leant me money when I expanded the store)....but that's all.

My brother just came and said the ex said to him, 'expect a letter from my solicitor. She wants settlement and pronto.' 
So, they are pushing for things to move ahead and are probably very excited at the thought they are going to get buckets of cash...the thing is.... well....there won't be much left.

Oh boy, the things I would have done differently, hey.

On a lovely note..as lovely notes go  ... my agents are women..strong and independent and fighting for me in every way they can. I like them as people...they are teaching me new words and how bids happen and all the things I wish my brain had of been armed with before. 

And as I hit another day of under twenty dollars in my kitty. (wow) I zipped up a prayer and said, "You have got through this far, my God, any chance I could pay my dog registration and buy food?

As I was leaving, my agent asked if I had any hat stands left Inside I had a giggle-those hat stands are driving me crazy--they are annoying and in the way-even in the shed., I have lost count of the times they have fallen on my head while I was getting something from under them. I have failed to sell them a few times on ebay.

Yes, I said and wondered why the heck she would want them anyway.

How many do you have she asked.

I said ten.

How much, she asked back.

Now she's been looking after me so I think it's only fair that I reduce the price, so I say ten each. 

And she buys the lot....only she gives me 170. I tried to give it back and it became a war of pockets-back and forth it went.

And she placed both hands on my shoulder and says, do something nice-for you. But all I could think of was my bear....I could pay now.

On the way home... a lady rang... she bought two mannequins and a ninety wooden coat hangers and could she come and pick them up after four (in two mins)

Another 290 dollars.

You see, He gets me through.... call it coincidence...but I have had way too many now.

Anyway....the house is ready.. my kids are coming up and my mum and a girlfriend from church. 

And now I will simply be still...it's out of my hands.


love and peace
angel x


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

oh..and those hat stands.... shes going to give them to a lady who she makes hats for to cover her bald head- thanks to chemotherapy robbing her of her own hair.

I love people sometimes. I really do.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Angel

Great update. Keep moving forward no matter how hard it seems.

And prayer does work. You are the proof.

Good Luck

HM


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

And I am glad you smiling. And I hope you have many more reasons to continue smiling.

Now sell that house...

HM


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! omg omg omg omg

It seems I have a bidding war between two couples who want my house.

The first offer wasn't high enough so I rejected it. I felt sick but I knew it could and should be more and if I had of accepted I would have walked away with nothing after the mortgage and my mum and agent were paid....

I just had a call.....another couple who came on Sat....have gone to their banks to see what their top price can be.

*big grins......KEEP PRAYING !!!!!!!!!!!!! 

love and peace


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Keeping my fingers crossed for you, OHA!!


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Angel , you so deserved some karma , me vedy vedy happy for ya . :smthumbup:

ps , was that really bikeman :scratchhead:


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

still no word on house..... I'm just trying to breathe really....

yes WH it was bikeman.....


funny thing....this getting to know someone.....I get scared.....and back up a little.....I'm taking this very very very slowly.

The house thing is very frustrating.... but Im expecting great results


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

lt was  that's funny. 
Scary's good don't worry , it looks out for you doesn't it .

Personally l reckon your in for a nice surprise with the house , think l hear a new Harley 
Ours is off market again now because we had a good response so we reckon it's well worth finishing it off , put it back on few mths . Lots of painting , stuff, new shower ha ha .

Good luck


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Still waiting on preapproval for a couple on the home.

Continuing with open days and inspections inbetween (living with a puppy...this is interesting!!)

Bikeman and I are *going with the flow* And that's super slow.

He's a lovely guy, but I am having big doubts if there is a future here. 

I guess time will tell....I'm just concentrating on the whirlwind around me. I have a job interview on Tuesday...and honestly if I don't get this job...I have no idea what direction to take next. It is the hardest place trying to find a new identity....still feel like I'm stepping in quicksand most days.

Finances are the hardest to date....everything is a stretch. 

But forwards I go....



love and peace everyone


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Yep forwards you'll go Angel , step at a time is all we can do right now , gritting a few teeth for good luck


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I'm so glad your smiling girl


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

hi everyone... Im STILL not sold....

bit frustrated now... but hoping for great results.....and fast..I think I have about a month or so to go....before the big guns get nasty.

Bikeman and I are a 'no goer' as they say...... 

I just don't think "it" was there........and that was pretty much after the last post.....lol.... oh well.... moving on....

What's news? my brother has a job coming up-finally.....

I don't. 

I had a major panic attack prior to an interview....I've never had anything quite like it.....and to be honest..it is not something I want to experience again. I felt like an absolute failure and it hasn't been one of the better days to date.

I feel a little like I have slipped backwards actually and have to keep talking myself out of it.

News travels back and forth between myself and my bro and his posstbXW.....she ...well...I do think she has horns coming from her forehead. Seriously-the lies are astounding and still constant.

She sold a property and lied to my brother and her own solicitor in regards to declaring all the assets...kept the money...and interestingly enough.,...went an bought herself a Harley amongst the many things she felt she deserved and then told my brother she was having trouble putting food on the table. 

I have no doubt she would have expected this news to travel back to me....and she knows that really....it's the only thing I would like to buy after this. I laughed for a minute or two... then got mad, as expected and I shouldn't have.....I know my brother was constantly trying to get her on the back of his bike when they were together..but she hated it then...and well..now she obviously doesn't.

My how time changes a person.

Anyway...it seems that the less we do, my brother and I.... the more they are trying to be greedy and nasty......
My pos XH contacted the real estate...while I was actually in the office of all times....to ask for the sale of contract....funny what the smell of money does.....

I'm really tired....and just want to go to Paris....or a beach.....or maybe get a massage........

Friends are great...they are a continuous stream of love...making sure I am ok....but the nights are still quite lonely sometimes...then it's weird...on others...I enjoy the time I have that I now own...but on most days I feel like Job with boobs and am wondering if this will ever end.

But anyway....there it is.. my sad little update.....I wish I could bring happy news.....don't worry I am still smiling in between...still riding.....and always hopeful.

I'll go off and read all your news soon and catch up. I hope you are all holding on and tip toeing towards your own happiness.

angel x


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Hey Angel,

Please do not be sad. We are all together and you are in my prayers.You give you best and hope for the best.Let us live life to the fullest every moment.Let not external situatins rob us of our internal peace and happiness.Take care.


----------



## secndtime (Aug 4, 2013)

Wow, I read all 26 pgs of this forum. Struggling like OHA did in November. My STBX announced last October that he wanted a divorce. I did not see it coming. I had been too busy helping my daughter adjust to kindergarten in new school, long aftercare, and getting up early. I was not sleeping well, feeling like crap, and no energy to coddle him as he needed constant reassurance. Also had buried my dad not 2 months prior. Ex had just started own business and was on trial period with a retainer client. STBX has mood disorder, diagnosed bipolar2 but i never saw the manic part, very passive aggressive, and major low self esteem - would hide it under his bravado, 6 foot 6 stature, and good looks. 

Once he made his announcement, he then proceeded to point out how it was all my fault. The sex that was always great was now bad, my money that upgraded our lifestyle was bad, this of course after i paid for his mba, subsidized his sons schooling, and funded a lovely lifestyle and vacations. This is a man that cried when we first did groceries together after i asked him to move in because we were able to put whatever we wanted in the cart and he had been strapped since his previous divorce. I was controlling, manipulative, etc. I lived a miserable lifestyle (3000 sf home with top amenities, land, a full fridge, and all the comforts anyone could want - i grew up working class, he grew up on the edge of poverty - AMAZING). He had been miserable for the last 7 years. We adopted our daughter 3 yrs prior from abroad. Funny thing is 8 months prior to his announcemtent i got a valentines card that said his love for me had grown exponentially and i had truly become his partner. 3 months earlier he wrote i was the wind beneath his wings. 

We spent 3 wks in this bk and frth. I asked him to try to work things out and he refused. We were in counseling for our daughters behavior (obvious reflection of what was coming) and she even gave us 45 free minutes at 175 an hour trying to get him to invest 3 months to work it out. He took a weekend away to decide, returned convinced that he was moving out so i told him to leave that day. He told me that if he left the house he would start dating right away. A shovel in the teeth would have hurt less. I could barely breathe in his presence, much less the rest of the time. I lost 17 lbs in 8 weeks. Like OHA, i was up in the wee hours. I was nauseous and could not function. He left november1.

Every time i spoke to him, i argued with him and pointed out his inconsistencies. I wanted answers. He denied EA but the behavior and mixed messages were driving me insane. He had the audacity to tell me that we could get back together in a year. He was willing to go to counseling but would date other people. I felt like i was in the twilight zone. I am the type to not take a 2nd look at a man while i am married. It is just disrespectful, even if no one sees you, you diminish yourself and your vows.

Since then, I am the one who has contacted the atty for the divorce he wants and just filed 2 wks ago. We started mediation a few months ago. Got the child agrmt done in 2 hours. I have done my best to be in no contact for months though i lose it when he drops off my daughter and tells me he wants to be friends. I told him his words invalidated 10 yrs of my life. After everything you said, why do you want to be friends? He tells me a piece of him still misses me. Until June, i would still try to reason with him to save our family. My daughter will be deprived of a 2 parent home. Things weren't the best they could be but i was not looking to end the marriage. 

After much reading, i have read about people with narcissistic traits. He is not the worst kind but it is amazing to see how someone who is covering up their true self can destroy someone else and avoid looking in the mirror. I cry less often but have flareups when i least expect it, i have a mental clarity i have not had in years (he was very high maintenance and very low miles per gallon), my daughter sees him regularly and stays over 2 times a week, she does not ask about him when he is not around, and although i miss the good times i know he is incapable of giving anything. He does not have it to give. Ironically, his first ex has been quite supportive. 

I am still unable to see or hear him without getting upset. I am working on letting go of the future i worked so hard for with him (he seemed ok to let me do most of the work- reading boundaries in dating and safe people to help with this - great books. I am 48 and shocked by the poor quality of men i have met - when did it become ok to ask a woman out then not follow through with a place and exact time for thursday night. Have had a few of these and am blown away that 50 year olds act this way. He does not have anything to say though is cordial, i on the other hand am all business. My atty sent him a letter last week to notify him that i had filed. He called and apologized that it had come to this. Wtf do i do with that? 

You are all proof that life goes on. It may not be the life we planned but we‘re breathin' ain't we!!!

Best of luck to you all and thanks for supporting total strangers. No one understands this pain unless they have lived it.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Whoa!!!!!!!!

Hi all......I just checked an old email...hadn't looked at it for a while..and noticed an email headed with 're cars' from the POSXH.

my immediate reaction was my heart kick starting into overdrive and I just didn't want to open it.

I have not heard a thing from him since January when he landed at my house without notice with his posse and abused the hell out of me.

So, I thought it will probably be about money and the house.....and I literally felt ill pressing the open button.

Well, it was a reply to a formal note I had left him from November the 12th last year regarding the things on the property and what he wanted me to do with his things. There had never been a reply..infact there had never been a reply to any of the business like emails.

This was the reply.

Xx or 

I have no idea what to think...except it felt like a slap in the face....

nine months later I get this? A couple of 'x's and a tongue poke??
In 12 days it will be one year since he left me for my sister in law who he still lives with. They have left a wake of debris both emotionally, financially and physically on myself, the children and my brother, mother and siblings.

What the hell am I to think>
This immature code reply......how am I to take it? 
Is he checking the email still works? Or seeing if I give a rats?

Whatever it means I am damn angry.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Wait a minute, he just sent the reply now? or back closer to the November one you sent him? Either way, it's crappy, for sure, but I guess I would have expected it from him back then, not now. 

At any rate, I'm sorry that this came up to hit you. These little 'landmine' surprises really suck. issed:


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Seems like he is forfeiting his stuff. Send a notice that he has 24 hours to respond or his garbage will be donated to Goodwill. Print the series of emails and mail them to yourself or your lawyer. And then follow through.

He is a looney. Makes you wonder, eh?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Actually I would take that as his formal response and sell/dump everything if you have not already done so.

You sold the house right Angel?


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

His 'reply' came nine months later on the 30th of last month.
He knows all his stuff is gone. It's been gone for months. It wasn't about that....he just used my old email as a way of sending his weird symbols.

This is just a message out of nowhere....and about who knows what.
Looks like the mowing of my sisters lawn may not be as easy as my grass was ^^ or he's just being a moron.....


sighs.

I'm still not impressed...seriously this is the only contact he has made since he abandoned his family for my SIL..... who the heck knows.

My brother wants me to reply with '??' but I don't want to.

He says if he responds the way he thinks he might we could have something to send to his xW.... personally I'm done with the garbage and if they are going to 'end' it, it will happen without us interfering.....personally, if they are both miserable with each other..I couldn't care less.

Oh I have about a week to sell my home...it is past the 11th hour and funnily enough I'm still expecting a positive outcome.

There was hope given to me yesterday by my mother's boyfriend who approached my brother at co-investing in the home. But my brother's financial advisor steered him away from the idea. I'm very nervous...I owe my mum and a girlfriend money from helping me with the expansion of the businesses I had...it's why I have fought so long to sell the home.

I did, however, finally get a new job.

Yay....I'm in property development of all things... I work mostly from home, have a few appointments and try and sell land and houses.....I am still in training and won't get paid till I make my first sale but the company and my team leader have been amazing.

Last week I almost had no future to look forward to....I had a really bad flu and was prescribed a med which I had a severe anaphylactic shock reaction to and ended up in the resus' unit at a city hospital.
It put things into perspective and was very scary. 

It's weird the health issues that I've had since he left... I was such a healthy girl before...in fact my doctors told me off as I hadn't been to the local clinic in over two years. But, I'm ok now....still on the mend and work were fantastic. I am back to training on Monday. 

I am also doing make-up jobs and continue to sell stock on ebay. It's been beyond hard but I have never gone without. 

My brother is living with his mate and his job got delayed. He was a stressed man to say the least but I think he finally starts in a week and a half. 

So, that's it really. 

And yes clipclop...he is a looney.


love and peace x


----------



## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> His 'reply' came nine months later on the 30th of last month.
> He knows all his stuff is gone. It's been gone for months. It wasn't about that....he just used my old email as a way of sending his weird symbols.
> 
> This is just a message out of nowhere....and about who knows what.
> *Looks like the mowing of my sisters lawn may not be as easy as my grass was* ^^ or he's just being a moron.....


In case you're wondering, this is called a "hook-line" or just a "hook" and is anything said to elicit a response without showing any interest in what you're doing. Usually with exes this is some sort of "pity me" tactic to gain your sympathy. That's why he said in his words or less "life is hard".:rofl:

It's a good thing you're done with him because the next course of action after something like this is ramp up the sweetness and tug at your heart strings, or the full mean and sweet cycle complete with trying to get your relatives on his side. Don't give it to him. He blew his chances. And he's not going to respect you if you give him any attention right now.... It's all about the chase and reclaiming lost property.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Good update ANgel.

I do hope the house sells and you do need to take better care of yourself.

Ignore the Ex. He is a doofus!

HM


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

newsflash.....


SOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tears,smiles.tears....all of it.....
45 days til settlement 

xxxxxlove and peacexxxx


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Wahoo!!! Great news, sweetie! :woohoo: :woohoo: :smthumbup: :smthumbup:


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

6am.....


I'm scared.....someone tell me,I can do this ok?


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Of course you can!!! You've been through so damned much these last few months, and you're still pretty kick ass!! Now that you have the house sold, you'll have that huge weight off your back and you can move forward. It's not just going to be OK, it's going to be great! Have faith, sweetie. ((hugs))


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Angel

You have already done this.

You just don't realize it yet. 

HM


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

oncehisangel said:


> 6am.....
> 
> 
> I'm scared.....someone tell me,I can do this ok?


Yes you can.


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I've just read this entire thread.... phew!

I reckon you can do this and anything else life throws at you oncehisangel.

Congrats on selling your house and on the start of something new and exciting!


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Big congrats on all that work and the sale Angel.
Ours has just gone back on now , on until she's sold this time. l know how you feel - what if it goes tomorrow :scratchhead:
l know one thing though , you can do anything . Good luck and maybe there's enough for a holiday too hey.
First thing l'd be doing if ours goes is a few mths off and a damn good chill.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Just when you think it's safe.........

My brother is working away a month at a time... he has his new girlfriend who I adore, and vice versa....he comes back for one week...and gets his boys....this was his first week back.....

This morning he asked if I'd mind my nephews for a couple of hours so he could go on a ride with his girl and his mates.....a local ride we have done a few times before.. and being the aunty I am....of course I said,. yes!

Two hours later as he was about to make his way back....he noticed he had received three missed calls from his posXwtb.....
she wasn't happy.....not one bit...and evidently- I was the reason.

She went....well, she went a bit 'off' at him.... (the understatement of the postings on this thread) 
"How dare you leave my kids with that psycho bi*&ch!!!! Leave them with your girlfriend, your mum...anyone but her!!" 
A small morsel for you my friends of the general feel of their ensuing conversation. 
...there was a pic on facebook, one of the riders had posted it..........she knew where he was....put two and two together and rang...

There is no where in our agreement after the court case was dropped, that states I can't see the nephews I adore with all my heart.

I am a proud and loving aunt...and today....in front of big burly men in leather vests and Harleys, and a car trip with my brothers new girl, they jumped form the car and ran towards me with arms outstretched and squealing my name..

We were all grins and excited..it had been a month for me too! And a month for them. They love me and the feeling is very mutual.

My brother rings me....a couple of hours later...after, I have sat and played lego, ate lollies from a jar I keep just to spoil them with sugary treats and ran around the yard as all aunties do when they have energetic boys to watch-I hear the nerves in his voice.

He said, 'I'm on the way....but she is to too." Lock the door, sis.

Yes, the pos xSIL decided to come to my home and retrieve her children from my care.....all because she's just darn angry that they are with me.

My brother arrives in record time with his girl and one of his mates who had come for the ride.....she arrives five minutes later...breaking our 'agreement' to keep away from each other...I have not seen her, nor had the desire to since I last saw her in court in January with my pos XH. 

When I see her.....I turn and walk inside with my brothers girlfriend and we lock the door. My brother walks to meet his X as she makes her way across my lawn. 

There is some talk..but mostly we hear her yelling. My brother remains calm and I am proud of him. He is wise enough to record their conversation on his phone. 

I feel sick for the boys....and tell them not to worry...it's just that everyone loves them so very much....and mummy is a little sad but it's not their fault. They come for hugs. I want to cry....I hate this....I want to go out and say....just let it be...you know me....let us all be now.. Enough.

But of course, I don't.... I just stay and feel angry for my brother too...that she is trying to control him, even now. His girlfriend is shaken....the poor thing loves him..loves us...so much...I hate that this is ruining her day too. She sits with us...a gentle smiling caring woman and I know she is a gift....a slice of happy we have to be greatful for. 

A few nights before I had minded her three girls on an overnight stay....she knows how I am with kids....how much love I have..I don't need to prove who I am to her. She holds my hand as we sit in the quiet with the boys and my brothers mate.

My brother comes inside to say his X has left to get the police...claiming there was no way in hell her boys are allowed to be in my care. 
This is simply.....not true.

I am beginning to feel a sense of de'javu. How she must hate me? For what? Finding out? Is this why? Or that I am moving on? Who knows...

A policeman comes to mediate between the estranged couple.. I don't see him... for this is between my brother and his very angry X.

In the end..after about half an hour, .she leaves the boys to continue their stay with their dad....and lead foots it down the street.

I only cry outside...when I am alone....wondering if this is ever going to end... if they could let go now...as we have...and just get on with it.....

it seems the only crime I am capable of is love.....but I feel deep inside she won't let this go.....she is so full of rage I feel sorry for her.....maybe things aren't so happy in her world.....? 

I am three and a bit weeks away from moving.....tomorrow I am off to the Melb show with my brother and the boys and my mum....I know I just have to continue being strong.....and try and forget today.....but I have this alert system now...that I can't seem to relax to much into the peace I am craving......

So....a surprise visit from a woman who is intent on causing causing chaos, as if she hasn't done enough already....

It is exhausting...and relentless....and in truth....I just want to get on with smiling and living. 

love and peace

xxx


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Angel
Your brothers stbx is nuts. Your ex deserves her. 

While I wish you punched her out while she was on your property you did the right thing. 

Nothing. 

Let those two losers go off to lala land together. 

I think the karma bus is waiting there for them. 

Enjoy Melbourne. 

HM
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Thanks HM, 

Had a great day at the show....

Her response afterwards was to put up a pic on her facebook of her and my posX and a couple of angry statuses-one which stated 'there are just some people you would like to throw a brick at their face" and then blocked my brother, after my mum and sister blocked her....

I told him it's a blessing.

I have had her blocked since last year.....


Anyway, I'm off to pack away 23 years of life in this house.....I still have no idea where I'll be living but all I know it will be out and away from this town!

x


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

After all is said in done..settlement is at the end of the month...

After twenty five years of working my butt off, after the loans are all paid and the caveats are paid...I'll end up with around 23 thousand to start again.

Just received a solititors letter from the posX....demanding 68500 to be paid to him...he has put his own caveat on the settlement monies.....I have nothing to move with...and still dont know where I'm going....

sighs......oh he even charged me five grand on the one and a half days of work he did on the house with his dad on the outside..that remained unfinished til the church group came.

I wonder if I can send him an invoice for the hours I put in....I reckon'it's roughly 69, 000.


Not impressed...so sickof this....and omg..packing one's life into boxes is terribly hard!

love and peace

me again


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Your ex is an idiot Angel.

Did you expect any less?

Look at the current company he is keeping to see where his head is.

You should send him a bill.

For repairs, maintenance, restoration and packing.

For at least double his amount.

Stay strong. You are almost there.

HM


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Thanks HM....
you know.....
I have these really odd moments now.....

...almost like a re-run of the early days when he left...you know-the instant gut twist....the downward elevator drop of your insides. I've mentioned this before I think....

I'll be going along ok...then anything to do with them, whether I experience it...or a friend tells me they saw him in the post office...I mean anything! And I am back to week one and I become this panicked little girl-even now, a year and a bit later.

It's the thing I hate about me now-that I am still affected and that my body isn't listening to all those affirmations of 'no one can make you feel anything you don't want to" every day.

What was interesting...when the postman came this morning and I had to sign for this letter....which my gut told me was coming......it didn't last very long-the stupid panic.

After, I opened it...my heart jumped into overdrive for a bit as I read of the money he thinks I, and he, have landed...and what he thinks his good, moral *coughs* self, deserves. 

I rang my solicitor and he said one thing, which ended up as my fb status. 
***100% of nothing,is nothing.***

I put the kettle on then...made really good café tea....(I have loads left over from the shop)sat outside in the garden I grew and will leave very soon...and sat on what he had said. 

and this time...I actually started to shake my head....because it's so damn ridiculous. These people we once cherished....and how absurdly nasty some of them become. How greedy it all is. Evil.

And then I realised I had come to terms with the fact I had lost everything anyway, but- I was still breathing...I still had family and friends and after this last pneumonia trial-I had my health on its way back.

I still had grace. I had my faith.

I have nothing else. Its true and at times, it's wake-at-3 am terrifying and not able to breathe kind of scary. 

But, deep inside...where the breaks are and the bleeding is, I actually think I am kind of happy there's no darn money.....because *they* won't get anything....not from me, nor my brother and there is a small slice of justification in there somewhere. A tiny yell of 'Ha! Ha!" 

We can start again....my brother and I. it might be hard and it doesn't mean some days I won't be angry at this loss again.....but my mum will have her money back ...and that's important..although, I imagine he will try and fight that too. Expect the unexpected, hey!

I feel older....and now have wisdom on a subject I'd rather not have and truly, its like a marathon you haven't exercised for...and the little girl in me craves for cuddles again and someone to take out the bin now and then....or read a story I have scribbled on the back of the newspaper,r or tell me I'm beautiful. I miss that stuff and when I look in the mirror, I can't see anything.

I've lost all vanity-maybe that's a good thing...I don't have days where I look and think, 'looking good miss'...I just don't see that side of me anymore. That kind of makes me sad...I long for confidence in who I am again but perhaps 'shes' just on hold for the time being.

It all takes time this betrayal and breaking up business. It is not fun. It is not pretty. It is brutal and unkind BUT if you notice, you find slices of beauty...from friends and people....when your trust is low and they are the moments you must cling to for now. It's Like little lifeboats of hope while you hold onto a leaking raft in the middle of a ocean swell. 

Somewhere...soon..the storm has to stop-there has to be a rainbow...and maybe a stronger girl...a better version will be shaking off her wet clothes by then. 

Ok, I'm getting all Yoda on it, so I'm going.... *grins

But to who ever reads this...you might 'get' me.
Thanks HM....I hope I'm almost *there*...hugs for your wise words and the smile I have on this side of the screen.


over and out TAMmers...love and peace x


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

OHAngel, you are still sad and yes, your confidence is low, but each time I read your posts, it is very, very obvious that your amazing spirit is still alive and well. Your posX and the OW can have all the material goods in this world, but they are ugly inside. They have what they wanted, and yet it's not enough. They have to seek more and destroy more. 

You have something they can't get their hands on -- that's what's making them angry. You have your integrity and honor. You have your talent, and yes, you have your beauty. 

You've been through a lot, sweet lady, but you will be back on your feet again. Believe it. ((hugs))


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Yoda I mean Angel. 

When I read your posts and you mention loss let me tell you what I really see.

The only thing you lost is a business, home and lousy man in your life.

Let me tell you what I see that you have found.

Love.

Love of family.
Love of friends.
Love of new opportunities in life.

You found courage.
You found new self esteem.

And you found the courage to tell your story as well as feel empathy for others on TAM.

Now look at all the things you found. And what that idiot your Ex has truly lost.

You.

We all suffer loss in our lives. It is how we overcome it that defines us.

Never look back Angel. Only forward.

Good things are going to happen. Feel it.

HM


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Hy Angel.
Ha , so we're left to go and spend our millions from our lives, living it up at Mcdonalds  Ah well.
l still reckon you'll be the one in front at that service station one day, smiling away and not that we even wanna think about x but - meanwhile !
X has been chewed up , screwed over and spat out like garbage , feeling repulsed at ever being stupid enough to have been tangled up with the trash .

You'll see that girl again , you just watch , you will :smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Thanks AngelP, HM, and WH

Made me tear up then .. ugh..but thankyou so much for your wise words and love.

Just had my daughter visit, who is 25-a ,also at uni doing a degree in media communications....
She's been weird lately...not answering phone calls, or responding to texts...I was getting really worried and rang her dad...he said when he went to her house, he knew she was home..but she wouldn't answer the door. She's withdrawing from the world and I can't seem to reach her.

I decided a few days ago..regardless of whether she'd respond..I'd send her a text, or phone and leave a message every morning and every night....just keep sending out the love..no nagging...just love.

Today, while two men picked up a fountain I sold (hard moment btw..took me a long time to get that piece) she walked up the driveway with a girlfriend....

A long hug followed...lots of kisses
I didn't judge her..but I did tell her my plan.....she admitted she thought it odd..and had said to her girlfriend last night...mum keeps sending me these '[good morning daughter xxx' messages and nothing else...

.her girlfriend said...well, we are around the corner at a party...we should go and see her. (She had studied counselling and knew at that stage a lot more than I did about my little girl)

I told Ash my theory..I wasn't going to stop..I wasn't going away..I was stuck to her...whether she wanted me there or not. I loved her-simple. And I was here...waiting for her.

And as we sat in between boxes I told her I felt something was wrong with her and I was here for her...even for a simple hug...and no words. She cried while I held her. My poor little girl. 

I'm not sure what's going on with my eldest child but her friend said she was struggling with the X not ever attempting to call her or her brothers.

There is a picture she took..

In it, this black and white shot- he sits on a log..facing away from the camera...in a checked shirt and jeans, a cowboy hat perched on his head, ironically overlooking my brothers land.
She had it framed and gave to him for one of his birthdays a few years ago. He loved it. It stayed where it was, upstairs... I tried not to look at it...but it filled a wall space and so I ignored it as much as possible while selling the place.

Today she tookit. I asked her what she was going to do with it.

She said, she'd sell it and title it, "Traitor".

In the middle of my emotions...are theirs...three kids bought up under an umbrella of love and people they trusted. They hurt like I do. They didn't want to leave here either. But the memories are no longer to be trusted anymore and they, like me, are dealing with this in their own way and time.

I look into her eyes...I see pain. I hate it. It's so hard to forgive him for their pain too. 
I told her, "We are still family no matter what. The four of us. And everything will be ok. I promise." ButI don't know, there's these splinters we are left with-I feel like the words are empty and hold no weight. 

I'm sorry for the melancholy post-but this is so hard on my kids and I really just don't know how to bring her back. Her smile is gone.


Ok, back to packing.

love and peace to all xx


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

of course your kids are hurting.

They hurt from the betrayal.

They hurt because their Mom is hurting.

Quite normal.

But remember, you cannot take that hurt away from them.

All you can do is be there for them.

Good move with the daily simple texts.......

HM


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

You obviously did touch her eventually, as she was able to talk to you. She knows you are there for her, and I'm sure that's a huge comfort to her right now. No, we cannot take away our child's pain, but you are doing all any of us can do -- trying to fill that hole with a little extra love.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Spoke with my real estate agent yesterday...If the posX doesn't lift the caveat, the new owners can't move in.

Sighs....and the punishment rolls on....my lawyer is away til the end of the month but is quickly dishing out letters to try and ensure all left over monies will be in trust til further notice. 

It's a head-spin.....there's so much to do everywhere I turn...but...the friends are pouring in and securing their place in the helpers list..for that I am blessed 

I find out if I get the house(the only one that I've come across which will take furballs) I'm applying for in two days and I have found a housemate! 

The house is in the estate I will be working for....very weird! 

me xx


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

OHA, your x really is a pos. I am glad you have good friends around you to help and offer support.

Living in the estate where you will be working has some great benefits so all the best with the application for the house and the new job.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you, OHA. I'm so sorry that this man has turned into such a monster. issed:


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Thanks BV.... and AP--love ya darlin' xxx

Nice smile this morning in between the wee stresses..

It was ME who received a message from the daughter just after 8 am

I couldn't send my early message to her yesterday as I had no credit-looks like she missed her mumma 

I sent back one saying I was laughing and that was the best start to my day.....

ah-I just love my kids ! 

NOw to get this caveat lifted!!!!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Oh,her message was simply...

"Good morning, mother xxx"



Bless


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Just got a phone call......

I GOT THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yayyyy... I have to be out of here by the end of the month and on Friday.....I get the keys to the new place!!!!!!

I'll be working where I live...and ten minutes from the beach....
I've sold the fountain he gave me for my birthday and other pieces and have the bond and rent......


*grinning big 

future----here I come!!!!!!! 

love and peace xxxx


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Some good news for you OHA. Step into your future with confidence and your head held high.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Best news of the day, OHA!! Here's to the start of better things for you!










It sounds perfect for you.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Grrrr! Someone help me stay calm....the POSx won'tsign off on the disclosure for house....which means no settlement.....

going to see conveyancer people at 1pm....

Greed is amazing...there are two other caveats apart from his on property....which includes my mum and a girlfriend who helped with the business...somehow POSex thinks e should come before anyone......

big sighs...my stomach is in knots......does he not realise that it's not our money to lay claim to? 

Meanwhile my brother who has been a way ...his POSx...is not returning any calls to allow him to speak to his sons.

Who do they think they are Bonnie and Clyde?


OK..thanks for letting me vent....


love and peace


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

What the hell is wrong with those two???? They lay waste to their families and act like the most evil people in the world....I mean seriously .... Why are they soooo concerned about punishing you guys???  I hate it. I hate that they can't just let go and move on.

They are the ones that wanted this......so wtf?

I feel for you...you handle it with so much more grace and dignity than I ever could....

You are a person in this world others should take notice to. True love and compassion for fellow man, no matter how bad they act. 

Hang in there.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Hugs VB....you know, you say what I want to **really** want to say....and thanks for the compliment.....I don't think I deserve it some days....believe me, I entertain the most wicked revenge mind movies at times....but a girl has to have the odd fantasy now and then right? 

But,this is the one thing I have learnt from this place...from a bunch of wise people I can call my invisible, learned friends now....

Its not my issue=it's theirs.

But.....blah....it certainly makes it hard to get on with things and certainly even harder to forgive.

I have lost everything...And, I mean everything I have ever worked for....but the bonus aftermath of sifting through this awakening..is that...well, I am free. I might be starting again but I'm doing so as a woman of strength now...not some passive wall flower who will let a bully or two run her down.

He's not free. She's not free. I am.

Personally, I don't think they are as happy as they thought they would be- and....and its a big **and**....I ......don't....care! 

I love typing that! I really don't anymore. 

Here we are, my brother and I.....both have lost all of our assets and have nothing to show, but we are moving forward inch by inch while they it in the quicksand of their adultery and hate.


On a slight move forward, I have signed a letter today stating that all monies be held in trust til my lawyer returns from his holiday and can respond to the, now increased financial demands from his lawyers. It appears I must be paying for their next trip to Tasmania on top of the last claim he made...who knows 

Last time I checked....there was no miracles change in my money situation.....
Oh, and I had some free legal advice from an old neighbour...he was a lawyer for 36 years. After a chat he said, I certainly know one thing dear...he doesn't have a leg to stand on. I hope he is right.

Anyway, I hope to go and poke my nose into a few threads later that I need to catch up on and say hi.... 

If the believers in the midst could pray a little prayer for this wee Aussie..I'd be most grateful once again.

love and peace, me x


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

and how low they stoop

I am at a loss for words right now.

My brother is home and his posXW refuses to let him see his children unless he signs a declaration that I will not see my nephews as I mentally unsound.


Needless to say he will not be signing a thing.

I am in shock. WHo does this???? I love those boys..topunish my brother like this , using me!?? wow


sighs.


I pity them and the hatred they must have to live with. 

will keep you posted...my family is beyond angry but we are waiting for our laywer to return from holiday.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> and how low they stoop
> 
> I am at a loss for words right now.
> 
> ...


Oh those two are made for each other. Crazy and selfish.

What a pair.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Oh my, OHA, their tricks just never seem to end. My theory is that she is still jealous of you. She wanted your husband, and she got him, but she can't have people love her like they love you, including her own children. So, instead of making herself more loveable, she just tries to 'X' you out of their lives. It's not going to work, but the fight gets exhausting for you and your family. It's wonderful how close you and your brother are. I hope that never gets broken. ((hugs)), my girl.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Your post makes me sad....

I hate people that really harm children like that by keeping them away from love


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Oh my, OHA, their tricks just never seem to end. My theory is that she is still jealous of you. She wanted your husband, and she got him, but she can't have people love her like they love you, including her own children. So, instead of making herself more loveable, she just tries to 'X' you out of their lives. It's not going to work, but the fight gets exhausting for you and your family. It's wonderful how close you and your brother are. I hope that never gets broken. ((hugs)), my girl.



Yep l've thought this for mths. Most of this crap is her and she hates Angel through savage jealously.
My guess is her kids rave about you Angel, her x did to , probably people you know and fk knows what your x has been sayin but l don't think she likes that much either - or somem like that :scratchhead: 
One things for sure , must be some affair hey with the two of then full of so much hate and bitterness, wasting time chasing their tails and everyone else - me thinks all is not so rosey in paradise :rofl:

Anyway , what ever the fks going on with the crazy [email protected] l'm sorry your being put through their garbage Angel , damn insane. Not long now though.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

hey gorgeous people....gosh I need you for strength right now....

I have stopped packing to go and sit with my brother for the past couple of hours..I am SO proud of him..He remains at 5000 feet above their actions....but he has had a big cry..and for a tough bloke...it is hard to witness. He was so looking forward to seeing his boys..it has been a month with no contact and he stepped off the plane to this stupid message. He said he was standing in the airport shaking with anger. He misses them so much. 

He said, "She probably expects me to just turn up...but I'm not going to. I'm not reacting. I'll do this the right way.' His boys are his life...he is an amazing father...when he has them..its all about them. I hurt for him.

I read the text 'she' sent...and almost laughed, it is that ridiculous.

It basically says I'm a nutcase and have been calling her a 'f**&*ng b#*^h' infront of the boys and unless he signs that I'm too loopy to be around the kids-he won't get to see them. It's blackmail..pure and simple.

Not once have I EVER put her down...and I certainly would never swear in front of them. I don't use children as pawns against parents. The little one asked me not too long ago if I still loved his mum. My reply, "Of course, because she had you!" I won't be a part of any extra pain for them. 

I was there as they were born....one of the first to hold them as they made it into the world....my bond as their aunt is there as much as my own beautiful children.

She also said that the boys don't want to stay more than two days with my brother....last time they were with him, they didn't want to go home...it is a text of lies and anger and a bitter woman.

Her once best friend came over the other day...it was her I rang to vent to. She said, "Don't you understand you are her greatest threat. She remembers how much you loved him and he loved you." 

I, personally, just think she's got her knickers in a twist and is losing control and their plan to run away and start again with money from their 'horrid' other halves is not materialising as they thought it would.

HP-couldn't agree more...peas in a pod!
AP..I agree....my attitude..is 'you got what you want...bloody have him and leave us alone!"
VI-me too, hun. Me too.
WH- I do believe that there is trouble there..but..pfft....good luck to them. Over their dramas. And thankyou ..I know you're doing it tough too...hard times...but hopefully for not too much longer!

Anyway, just having a coffee and looking at boxes...it's time to start my first load ready for the morning move. My daughter..is ringing all the time..looks like my 'love' messages did the trick. It is she who has organised a truck with her bf and will be by my side and my boys for the big move. My brother and his girlfriend will be here all weekend to help. 

Thanks so much for your support..its so frustrating when all we want to do is get on with our new lives.

love and peace
x


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

My brother sent a text saying he wanted to speak with his sons.
They rang-he was on loudspeaker.

The first thing he found out was that they didn't know he was home from work...thesecond thing out of their mouths was 'mummy said we aren't allowed to see aunty-not even to say hello!'

I know mateys, my brother replied.

The third......'and we moved house.'


She wouldn't tell him where.


Cruel, cruel woman.


sorry-really angry for him.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Isn't there anything that he can do through the courts? This is maddening!!


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

OHA, she really is a piece of work. In the end, she will not win. It might take time, but at some stage, those boys are going to grow up and realise their mother is the one who has betrayed them all of their childhood and they will turn from her. In her old age she will be a bitter lonely old woman.

My BIL's ex was a nasty piece of work like that. He did not see his 2 boys for over 3 years at one stage because she told them lies, she obstructed him at every turn, she made up stories to get him in trouble with the authorities. He had no end of trouble with her.

Now the eldest boy is nearly 17, has left his mother and guess who he stays with? His father. The son found out his mother was telling lies. As soon as the younger one has finished school, he intends to leave his mother as well. I have no sympathy for her, or other women like your brother's posxw.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

That's what these kinds of people don't realize. They can keep their kids away from the other spouse only so long. Then the kids will grow up, and they will learn the truth. They will realize that they were not being protected from anything, they were being lied to and hurt, and the parents will lose the kids anyway. But their anger and vindictiveness won't be quenched until they burn everything in their way. It's so wrong. 

I hope your brother can get some help from the courts, OHA. He must be beside himself.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> My brother sent a text saying he wanted to speak with his sons.
> They rang-he was on loudspeaker.
> 
> The first thing he found out was that they didn't know he was home from work...thesecond thing out of their mouths was 'mummy said we aren't allowed to see aunty-not even to say hello!'
> ...


Is that legal? Your brother needs a kickass attorney.

His STBXW is nuts....

HM


----------



## littlejaz (Oct 17, 2013)

Haven't had time to read this entire thread, but my STBXH left most of his stuff at my house and in storage that I was paying for, so after giving up our first court date because we were supposedly negotiating a settlement and then no cooperation from him or his attorney, I got another court date 6 months down the road. I then removed all my stuff from our storage unit, packed up the rest of his crap from the house and put it in the storage unit, paid for one extra week and had my attorney send him a letter telling him he had one week to either get his stuff out of storage or pay for it himself. Then it rained all week, so he couldn't clean out the storage unit and had to do it all in one day because he didn't have the money to pay for the unit. I have to admit it felt damn good.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

hi all, 

net still isn't connected properly..but quick update while I have it......

Brother still hasn't seen his boys.

He has been to solicitors....family mediation appointment not til the 19th.We still don't know where they are-no address.

He sends texts and calls to mostly no response her end.

Last time he spoke the four year old said (on loudspeaker with mummy in the background) 

"We love and miss you daddy-but you have to sign those papers so we can see you."

Oldest..wouldn't get on the phone-said he felt sick. I have no doubt it is because he doesn't want to lie to his dad.

It's just maddening. So, now she stoops to new lows and my poor nephews are used as tools. 

We all miss them so much....I just pray he gets to see them for Christmas.

Peace and love

me x


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Now you have confirmed it for us. That woman is truly nuts.

I hope he sees them soon.

How are you doing Angel?


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

How horrible for your poor brother and those poor boys. It makes me sick to think that she'd use them like that, and that her vindictiveness is so strong. 

I hope you're at least getting settled in your new place. ((hugs))


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Im doing ok HM.

Little bit down atm. Not feeling Christmassy I think. How are you? 
And thanks AP...(hugs) back

Solicitors between my brothers and his ex have negotiated on himseeing kids for a portion of Christmas. Her end mentions that they are only to be in my company if supervised. 

My brother said his mediation went well and they had told him she'd have no chance at getting a document on me signed. 

He wants it to go to court. I'm so over all of it..but I agree with him.....She has no right to dictate his life now she has gone....nor defame me.'

Guess we'll see.

But...I wish you all a safe and happy Christmas.

Peace and love

angel x


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I know your internet is not always consistent, but just in case you can check in, I wanted to wish you and your brother and all of the kids between the two of you a Merry Christmas. I'll keep my fingers crossed that things get better for you and your brother very, very soon. ((hugs))


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

My brother, nor anyone in our family has still not seen the boys.

There are no words I can bring myself to explain what this feels like.

My mother's Christmas tree remains standing surrounded by presents for my nephews from all of us.

ps thankyou AP...right back at you my friend ♥

I am once more NET connected. 

please keep our family in your prayers

ps on a good note....my boss promoted me.


----------



## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

oncehisangel said:


> My brother, nor anyone in our family has still not seen the boys.
> 
> There are no words I can bring myself to explain what this feels like.
> 
> ...


What happened to him getting to see them part of Christmas?

Wow, angel. Just take comfort in the fact that one day she will reap all she has sown... it is NOT going to be pretty.

I hope everything works out for you and your family soon, angel.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

She pulled the pin the day before Christmas. 

He has a total of two calls and only to the little one-the last time as soon as the weeone said he missedhim and my brother said the same, 'she' cut the call.

My mum rang and left a message and asked to speak with the boys and got a nasty text in response.

Her mediation appointment is tomorrow. Its a slow drawn out process but has to be followed....meanwhile I wonder how they are...my brother has a shadow over him...he is missing them so much. 

How do you forgive this?

Thanks for all your kindness 

love and peace x


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> She pulled the pin the day before Christmas.
> 
> He has a total of two calls and only to the little one-the last time as soon as the weeone said he missedhim and my brother said the same, 'she' cut the call.
> 
> ...


Honestly Angel I do not think this is forgivable.

She not only broke up your brothers family but your family as well.

She holds her children hostage from their father.

Your Ex and his Ex obviously have a few loose screws in their personalities.

All you can hope for is a good coparenting relationship down the road.

And even that remains to be seen because frankly your brothers wife is nuts.

HM


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

If it wasn't already ridiculous, my brother just had a call from child maintenance and she has asked for more money now that she has the children 'full time'.

I'm still shaking my head.

Meanwhile, news on my ex is that he has joined a not so nice MC. His name came up on a police data base as a member.

Funny thing is I actually did tear up at this...I feel incredibly sad that he has gone down this road. Once you are in these clubs it is a life commitment-there is no out.
I just can't believe it is the same gentle man who was such a big part of our lives. 

And it really makes you wonder how safe the kids are with this club being a part of their 'step dad/former uncles' life.

Thanks HM for saying the things I think and Honour (ps. just read your thread..sighs.. I'm so sorry you are also a part of the TAM family)


love and peace to all


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

I guess your ex had better stay away from Queensland then. Motorbike clubs and their members are being targeted bit time here.

OHA, I can't blame you for shaking your head in disbelief, what these two have done/are doing is just crazy.


----------



## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

OP, I have just read your thread, and am actually raging at how disgusting your ex husband is, he is a complete piece of excrement and a sub-human, not a Man at all. Wanker bikie POS loser. 

I feel for you and your brother.

Pity you are in QLD, If you ever get a house in Melbourne, I'll happily do any plumbing you need done absolutely for free. 

In a decent society, evil pieces of crap like your ex, and your brother's ex, would be ostracized for their despicable conduct. I hope you fight tooth and nail against your POSXH's ridiculous caveats, and hope your brother finds the most brutal lawyer possible to fight his psychotic POSXW in the courts. She is pure evil. 

She is engaging in parental alienation against your brother, here is a webpage that might help him
Welcome | Parental Alienation is Child Abuse

I wish you all the best, and hope everything turns out well in the end for you and your brother, you two have been through a lot.


----------



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

The Cro-Magnon said:


> OP,
> 
> Pity you are in QLD, If you ever get a house in Melbourne, I'll happily do any plumbing you need done absolutely for free.


No, I am in Queensland, OHA is not, she is in a different state.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I'm in Melbourne Cro
Thanks for the piece on parental alienation- I have actually seen this before, my brother's new girlfriend had found it.
And I agree- it is abuse.


----------



## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

Bellavista said:


> No, I am in Queensland, OHA is not, she is in a different state.


Ah, got my wires crossed there. QLD is where I would move to had I not business obligations here. Victoria is miserable.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Hi Angel . Oh sh!t yeah it's abuse alright , everything she's doing to those poor kids is serious abuse. She should be locked up if that was the father doing all that he would be. Makes you that damn angry and sick to the stomach reading what some of these people do.

l can't figure out why she's so out to get her ex. He sounds like a good man , no abuse or anything .
They could have easily parted on peaceful terms , peaceful life and most importantly still a happy and shared childhood for their kids out of all this, co parenting. Such a shame , insane crazyness.

PS, so you've moved out then yeah - house all done and settled ?
My place sold yesterday - if it goes through ok . The end of the old life , it's scary as hell isn't it .


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Coongratulations on your house sale WH!! It is scary-but guess what? You are going to be just fine. 

There's no reason, not one, as to why the posXSIL of mine chose to be like this with my brother-but she is a woman intent on revenge, most probably fuelled by being 'caught' by us. She will scream from the roof tops that she never had an affair with my posX....and I mean scream! Despite living with him now, despite video of her rolling her car into a garage at where they would meet for overnight trysts, despite my brothers bank statements showing how she spent his money on her affair partner with trips to places myposx used to take me.....despite all of this.....

so here is what I see.....

my brother has moved on....ignored her for the woman she has shown herself to truly be....moved on stronger than ever....

then found love...love with an amazing woman-love that is deep and right and he can be happy with who he is and the X of his does not like it. 

She simply is going green with the rage that he is happier without her. 

Meh-you make your bed poppet.


However........enough of 'her'


GOOD NEWS.....yesterday my brother got an unexpected non prompted phone call from BOTH his boys and *crosses everything* will be seeing his babies this coming Monday 

I am so happy for him. He is extremely emotional right now at the thought of giving those boys he loves a big daddy hug- he is floating.

Apparently, when he contacted his solicitor to say he was still getting no response at calls and being hung up on when he did-his solicitor was furious and rang her solicitor. This comes post individual mediation visits. We don't know at this stage what transpired in that call.

The next day the call came. 

I can't wait til the day I can see them...miss them like crazy.


On another great note-I sold my first land and house package yesterday and am still flying high. For the first time in over a year I will be stocking up my pantry til it bursts! My youngest son's birthday is in a couple of weeks and I'll be putting on a real birthday dinner. 

 

I feel blessed.


love and peace my friends xx


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Meeting went well.. the posxSIL met my brother at a park and he bought fish and chips. She stayed the entire time.

I think she's scared he'd take off with them. Who knows?

My brother had a quiet word with her about this being ridiculus and that he'd like his sons for the night.

After much toing and froing and him letting her know he'd be more than happy to attend court and fight for his rights, she said yes to an overnight stay.

He took the boys to mums-where they had a belated Christmas. The tree had remained waiting for them. They really loved the giant waterpistols I gave them my mum told me. They were exceptionally happy and very "huggy" and affectionate with mum and of course, my brother-who's ex tried to tell him the boys were scared to see them. This is of course, rubbish. 

My brother returns to the pipelines tomorrow a happier dad. 

I am hoping next time--I'll be able to give them a hug too.


 
love and peace everyone x


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I think I'm going to be in a good mood all day after reading that update. 

So happy for your family, especially your brother.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Thanks for the update, OHA. I was so hoping that things didn't fall apart at the last minute. I'll bet your brother was over the moon. It's a bit of a good sign that threats of legal action makes the exSIL back down -- hopefully, they'll be able to reach a good parenting settlement and he'll be able to see the kids on a reasonable schedule. It seems that deep down, she knows she's just being spiteful, and that won't fly.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

19th July-Saturday morning-still in my pj's.....my furball Bear, nestled in the curve of my leg while I type sideways to old friends...


Hello my lovelies.....Gosh, doesn't time fly!!

It has been a one step forward, two steps back life for me the last six months.

I have woken from a dream this morning-which I hate....the exH and the exSIL both sharing space in my head while I sleep irritates me as I can't control it. 

I don't know why they come to taunt me...I don't think of them much these days....or of I do, I choose the when and how.

Occasionally, out of nowhere, like these dreams-I cry sometimes. Big and hard. 
Big tears of lost love and the fear of being alone I guess.

But afterwards, I get on with it again..on with life and know it's another day I don't have to have where the tears feel like stab wounds reopening. 

I'm not supposed to think of them...that's what I'm told...I'm not supposed to give them any of my time..I am supposed to move forward every day and forget.


But it isn't an easy thing...this forgetting thing. Especially when I am trying to just find some kind of peace-some place where my heart doesn't race all the time and the ground feels stable and whispers travel to me of friends seeing them together, or I heard 'she said, or 'he did.' I still hate hearing of him..and, of her. I'd rather not know. He is not living to me...that man I once knew.

There have been crazy challenges.....the property sales job-well, basically it paid once in the entire time I was working night and day. Although, I enjoyed the mechanics of the job itself and learnt a lot about the real estate world, it appears I worked for a bunch of managers(morons) who like keeping their reps money and buying their own land for a side business....they would dribble money when we stomped our feet or offer retainers that never came. And man, they were great talkers!

By the end of my fulltime work with them, my nerves, and the other sales reps I had become close with, were running high 24/7. The stress of working with managers who were bullies and sly was overwhelming and life took another downhill slide.

But everything we choose or do must have have a reason, right?

I had hurt my foot a while back-in January of 2013-the doctors had told me it looked like a bite. But over the year and a half, I felt something was wrong-I started limping and developed a lump on the inner side. My shoe selection dropped to three pairs that didn't seem to cause unbearable pain.

I must admit, I didn't look after 'me' very well-I didn't go to the doctors-I ignored the pain in my foot and carried on at my job and tried to find rent every week.
I was still trying to get money that never seemed to come-and a lot of this had to do with waiting for land to be titled and plans finished before a client would pay their final deposit. I have jobs that won't settle til early 2015. But a great deal of not getting paid had to do with my shonky managers and one of them I dealt directly with on a daily basis was, to put it mildly, a married sleaze.

When you are broke already-it' hard to wait months to get paid.

In between, mostly engineered by the lack of funds for fuel-I saved that money for the client visits-I became a recluse. A quiet woman and her dog.

I was far away from family and friends in a town I couldn't enjoy and a flatmate who was literally 'a stoner'. This wasn't a world I had ever known.
I wasn't angry, I wasn't feeling like a victim-I was just numb-nothing. I had made my own decisions.

Life became grey and dull. I was officially depressed and I knew it.

And then one day, after a rare visit into town to see my children for my sons birthday-my foot swelled so much I couldn't remove my shoe.

ON the long journey home I pulled over into a petrol station and slowly worked off my boot and even though I'm a tough cookie-I was screaming and crying like a baby in the confines of my car.

By morning I knew I was in big trouble.

So, after a bout of cellulitis and blood poisoning, and a festering wound on the side of my foot, an ultrasound revealed a three centre metre splinter-a year and a half old-was causing all the fuss. 

I had surgery where they reconstructed the side of my deformed foot (scar tissue had caused the ugly lump) and removed the splinter which they handed me in a little jar. A small area had died and that was removed. It was big surgery for a little leftover splinter. But looking at it later I wondered, how the hell did I move house with that thing stuck in me?

I was in bed for six weeks-with a lovely short few days with my sister.

And every day since I have been grateful for this stupid splinter.

Because while I was forced to stop I had the chance to think...and I came to a decision.

I had to find another job firstly....and I had to start living. Despite every single rep from the business calling daily-not once did my demanding bosses call. Not once. I realised then, I meant nothing to them-I was useless to them if I couldn't sell.

But, I wasn't to be gullible anymore and I was going to quit being used.

The removal of that 3cm piece of wood almost became the starting point to my new life, and the full stop to the last 21 months of pain.

As I got better and the stitched were removed....I prayed like never before. As I limped around the house, I wrote and thought some more. I rang people I should have rung months ago. I had lost touch with so many friends.

And I prayed and prayed.

And then I started working on my resume.

My case worker, who had wanted me to leave the sales job had come across a job he thought I could do.
But, when I looked at the title and description-I said...I don't know, I think you need some kind of degree for this one. I didn't feel like I would be able to take this on...my confidence was gone....the old me was buried under memories and time. She was long gone.

Still, he sent off my resume and rang me twenty minutes later.
Can you come to an interview at 1pm? It was in two hours and I hadn't worn shoes for eight weeks at that stage.

But I said, yes. And the nerves kicked in.

I wrapped my foot in a fresh bandage and squeezed into boots. I had a small limp but no bad pain.

The interview went for two hours and for the first time, as the husband and wife asked me questions and jotted down notes, I realised these people were good. I felt immediate trust and it had been along time since strangers had made me feel they were authentic.

Three hours after I left, I was hired.

My title... Business development officer for two 25 year old, very reputable, Hairdressing and Beauty Therapy colleges.

My boss, an educated gentlemen who carries degrees in business, psychology and law and his scientist wife, told me they literally had pulled out the resume of a girl with a degree in their hands to give her the job when my case worker had rung.

I asked, "Why me?" a week later and he said, "Because you have wisdom and experience in your eyes, not just on paper."


I have been with them for almost a month now and for the first time I have a sense of peace. It is truly incredible.
And after four days-I got paid....that also helps. 
But it is the perfect job...I am basically the mouth and face for this amazing company. I am on the road, so I have my freedom. He trusts me and I trust him. I adore his wife already and we are about the same age and often share stories. 
I am so thank full I am bursting.

The only downside is that I miss my furball. But she runs at me like a whirlwind when I come home.

I am public speaking to larger and larger crowds every week and life is never dull. Driving along country roads and seeing the beauty of my country makes me smile again.

I know there will be days I will be tired, and not want to drive three or four hours away but right now, today, it is me.. This job, where on day two I was ushered into the salon and students cut and coloured my hair ( I had cut it myself for the last year and a half) I was given a manicure and massage and basically spoilt rotten.....makes me feel like I have purpose again.

My confidence is being pulled from within and also I work with the agencies which helped me get this very job. I am passionate about the underlying cause my new boss tells me is the real reason he does what he does. To help others.

I am a walking testimony to the groups of unemployed I speak to not to about not giving up. 
He is a clever man, my boss. He knew my story-and he knew how I needed to use it. I had always said to my case worker-I have to do something with this journey, Scott. It's not right to go through this and not be able to be of use to someone else travelling a similar road.

One of the students at the college, a gorgeous girl who has the sweetest smile and kindest voice, is on a scholarship my boss and his wife decided she needed. 
Her story-abusive family and boyfriend.
She has been at the college for two years and doesn't want to leave so she has done two diplomas. When she first came to him she couldn't even look them in their eyes--the day she did my facial she led me confidently and gracefully to my room. I would hire her any day. She was outstanding.

They are fine people.....and I feel like all of my past in the makeup industry and business dealings have led me here.

So, right now....all is well. It will be a while before I feel the affect of having a decent wage-as I am behind on a few bills but all my petrol is paid for and tonight I plan on visiting my children.

Oh, and I am back in heels again.....got my swagger on. 

Love and peace to all....and hugs to the newbies....take a breathe, hang on...but you are going to be just fine.

angel xxx


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Always good to hear from you Angel.

Glad you are back on your feet, on the mend and happily working.


----------



## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

God bless you with his infinite mercy and may every day be better than the one before.
Amen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Ach-does this ever end???

court case for my brother, her asking for a ridiculous amount and adding to it....me sorting out my financial rubbish with the greedy posEx who I just want to disappear....

and we think she may be pregnant


I think I just want to throw up!


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> Ach-does this ever end???
> 
> court case for my brother, her asking for a ridiculous amount and adding to it....me sorting out my financial rubbish with the greedy posEx who I just want to disappear....
> 
> ...


I hope the courts down there are fair.
Bloody hell I hope the best for your bro.


----------



## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

I hope that at least the crazy home wrecker stopped her attempts on trying to depict you as a monster (as if you were gonna harm her kids) and that she is not getting in the way of your brother having time with his boys anymore.

Sometimes it amaze me how this amoral people try to turns others in the bad guys to justify in their mind their disgusting acts.

my thoughts are with you and your brother, both of you deserve much better.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Thanks Tom.

I hope so to.

Meanwhile, my ex-who I haven't spoken to-is trying to get 70 percent of what measly amount is still in lockdown....

Apparently he has bought a house....and 'she' is claming they have never lived together.....he takes my nephews to school every morning and they have been living together for almost two years.
She has lied in an affidavit-nothing is beyond these two.

I can't wait for the day I don't have to hear about them....I just want this over and to get on with living. My brother is holding himself together but I still think he's keeping calm for fear of what she'll try and do next. He only gets them for such short periods of time as he works away for most of the month.

The boys were crying when he had to take them back yesterday..it was heartbreaking for my brother....

I am yet to see them. It's been almost a year.

I miss them so much.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Yes Manti, 
She actually admitted in mediation with my brother that she 'thought highly of me'

*shaking my head here......no, she doesn't. Her actions prove otherwise.
She says what she needs to make herself look like a human.


We are trying to work out if I can see the boys this weekend.....but the court date is in 12 days-I am starting to think it's better to wait and lay low until it's over for my brothers sake. I'll let her think I've disappeared...... I just don't want her to turn on him anymore than she has.

The amount of money she is asking him to pay her on top of child support as well as the usual property settlement allows her to stay at home at not work....if she's pregnant to my ex.....this will be quite convenient.

It doesn't seem fair and I was doing ok emotionally....it's like post traumatic stress when they show their heads.....I try and remove myself....but it just makes me angry lately... and I hate that it brings this side of me out. 

I don't know how to remove myself from feeling like this.....I lost so many babies to him...and she knows this. She never wanted anymore. At this stage, we are only suspecting....and I know there's nothing anyone can say or do....and it certainly isn't a babies fault....it just brings up past pain, I think. 

It reopens that darn pain door I try and keep shut.

I have come so far lately....my job has been an awesome step forward.....but in truth....I miss being a wife... I loved being loved and loving back......but I have to wonder if I ever was at all. 
There's so many layers to work through.... I hate it.

however

Love and peace as always


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

This Saturday....after almost eleven months....I had the very beautiful honour of getting cuddled to bits by my nephews at my nieces 4th birthday party.



One happy Aunty right now.


love and peace x


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

I got served court papers yesterday.....

I don't know why.....nothing but a debt fight......I noticed the cover letter was our anniversary....I did actually laugh at this little dig.

And it was full of exaggerations and over inflation of my 'assets' (aka furniture I paid for....besides the bed and he can have that to burn)
However the money in trust which belongs mostly to my mum and he thinks he deserves more than anyone will be sorted out. 
An interesting line in the affidavit appeals to the high financial and emotional stress he has endured since the separation. *no comment

He just bought a new house on 22 acres with the help of his dad and a friend. 

Wonder if he'll want to pay them back with the money from my house too?

So...here we go...fun and games.....I just don't want to be in the same room as him...

ugh.....well......the grand finale two years later... 

oh and the posxsisinlaw is about 24 weeks pregnant....says it was an accident....
Oh and apparently I have a boyfriend....I must go and see if he's hiding in a cupboard here! And I'm selling real estate.....almost....but nope......they didn't pay so I left.....

I could go on and on with the absolute rubbish I have heard lately....

actually I will mention two things she said to my brother....

1./ I don't even care about your sister hiding down the beach anymore. 

*newsflash...I don't care about you full stop! 
I came here for me...and the bonus is I don't have to run into her and him...my choice...fresh start.

2/ 'the trouble with your sister....is she took 'it' personally" 

*gags.....and find me one woman in the universe where her much looked after sister in law running off with her once hero of fifteen years wouldn't? ps no contact from me to them in almost two years.

Narcissists!

love and peace-mini rant over 
me x


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Angel

Calling those two Narcissists is being kind.

They are both crazy.

I cannot wait for the karma bus to pick those two up someday.

Keep being you. 

HM


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

thanks HM.....

how are YOU?

I've been doing some reading in here...catching up on where everyone's at..


Might go and join in one of the social chats soon.....


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

I am doing OK ANgel.

Sorry to see your crazy train ride is not over.

So not surprised your ExSIL is pregnant.

Those two wackos are made for each other.

I feel horrible for you, your brother and your nephews.

I long for the day when those boys get in their teens and ask their Dad "Why is Mom so crazy?".

It will happen.

Keep your chin up.

HM


----------



## larky (Nov 27, 2009)

I suffer from depression but do not know to the degree he suffers. I would place a bet, he is living in a dark tunnel and matererialism is not as important as the tramma of a breakup of the marriage. my wife has some real anger and paranoid issues and we did go though counseling. A guy should never apply a behavior on the greatest weakness of a woman, of she will file for divorse Like mine did. She is now beng nice to me after I have been finding a place to move to.





827Aug said:


> My estranged husband did much the same as yours. Even after almost five years, many of his personal belongings remained. Over the years, he would claim a few more of the items. The house was lost to foreclosure recently. And still he wouldn't come get the items which remained. Although he picked up some items one day, he promised to return the following day for the remaining stuff. He never returned the following day. Part of the belongings are now stored.
> 
> As for the marriage counseling, my estranged husband only wanted to go in hopes of getting an amicable divorce. I still, to this day, do not understand what was going through his mind. Depression is most likely part of the equation.
> 
> Don't dwell on understanding "why". I drove myself silly for the first year trying to figure out "why". Five years later, I still don't have an answer.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> I am doing OK ANgel.
> 
> Sorry to see your crazy train ride is not over.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your constant and appreciated support....TAM kept me from falling off a cliff there for a while...
And you are right...they are tarnished with the same God complex...

It's funny but the more you don't respond the more they seem to hate it.......the whole incestuous family swap has made it worse....I hate hearing the things they say...but its unavoidable...my brother has to vent too.
He is amazing though..such a great dad. He's doing it tough at the moment....work has slowed down and the upkeep hasn't and he is still paying a ridiculous amount up-keeping all the debts she has accrued so he doesn't go under. His court mediation is in progress to the next level. 
We both can't wait for it to be over really. 

I am nervous about seeing the posx and I have a feeling 'she' will show up...just to flaunt the belly. I lost so many babies to that man, I imagine it will be in her mind...or maybe it won't and she'll just come because she's awful. I hope she doesn't of course. Incidentally, I am surprisingly not so affected by the pregnancy now...I think I expected it. The first day was really bad but now I'm thinking how stupid they are and what lie this poor bub has to hear about how mum and dad met. Is he bringing up his step-kids cousin, or half sibling? It's so wrong to me.

I don't know what I'll be like on the day. I'm just hating the whole circus that those two keep dragging us into. And it feels a whole lot like Post traumatic stress whenever I hear about them....ugh.....Time to be strong, I guess and 'man up'


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

and Larky- I'm really sorry you are going through such a stressful time. *hugs and peace to you


----------



## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Hey OHA - good to see you still on here and making it through! All the best!

Soca


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Thanks Soca....

Well, felt the pressure today and had a wee melt down...had to pull the car over and pull myself together.

All this legal stuff makes me nervous and I have no idea how I am supposed to pay for it.

The thought of seeing him, however brief, on Wednesday is making me feel sick..

someone tell me I'll be fine. I feel a little lost.

x


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

You will be fine Angel.

There is no way around the legal fees. But worry about them later.

Focus on what is right in front of you.


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Its over.

legal system is pathetic. 

no wins -lost everything


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

I am sorry to see that.

Expand further if you want to talk about it.


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

oncehisangel said:


> Its over.
> 
> legal system is pathetic.
> 
> no wins -lost everything


Did he get your mothers trust money? Please tell me your judge at least didn't do that!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Hi all, 
OK I can actually get this on here now..I didn't cope well with the outcome. I was past angry and the following couple of days I literally could not get my mind straight. So I went with it.

It appeared that he managed to clock up six cards while we were together without me knowing. It appears that I have been conned....and he conveniently left most of the statements at home. I asked to see them and the answer was that to do so would mean another day in court mediation....more money....it was always about money...whatever angle you looked at it all from. All emotions were removed...it was all number crunching and crap. 

Basically it came to this....mum and my daughter and my girlfriend were with me.

It costs a ridiculous amount of money for a day in court. My barrister said if we had the finances to get there, in a court room that is...my ex would have been thrown out and the outcome would have been different.

But in an effort to fight this...I would have ended up paying out most of it in fees....I was cornered. We all were.

Basically all debts are paid my end except the big one..my mum.

When you borrow from a family...despite this being a official loan on my bank statements and me paying back under 'loan-mum' every month....it is considered 'personal' and the other party isn't held responsible.

I did get half his super and am trying to get that taken out to give to her which will help...but chances are slim. She was devastated and couldn't even look at me for a while. I felt sick. 

As for him, he got his credit cards paid except for one we found out his dad had paid...so we landed the same rule back at him and now he will have to pay his dad back and not me. My girlfirned got paid....so I was happy about that....I love her dearly...she was a great support on the day.

My daughter waited to see him...it was something she needed to do. I saw him come down the main foyer, watched him walk three steps and decided he didn't deserve to look at me...and so I went back into the mediation room. I didn't see him again. I chose not to. he will see as weak perhaps...and maybe it was.....but I just don't think he deserved to have a moment where he could give me any more emotions to deal with. He is and remains a low life to me. A liar.

My girlfriend got a 'can you believe its come to this look' by him which she returned with her infamous "you're an as**ole" stare. It is terrific...I've seen it wipe many a smile off a man's face as it quickly did with my posex.

My daughter crumbled....my strong little woman....fell in a heap.....as soon as they locked eyes....I hope to God that memory sears his mind forever. He was her bestie, his shadow and even now...she did not even get a 'hello'.

For two years she has held in this awful pain....and she wept and shook and it took thirty minutes to calm her. She said, 'It's real now. He abandoned us all mum."
It was heart breaking and she told me that she took the next day off work to heal for the first time since he left.

I have come out of this experience mad at the system.
I have lost everything but at least I will not go bankrupt. 
I have no idea how I will pay my mum back but I made her look me in the eye and remember our love and I promised to not give up. The weight of her loan sits so heavy on my heart I can feel it with me every minute.

My tax bill is being negotiated and then the paperwork will be dotted and ticked and signed and I'll never have to look at his face again.

Today, my sister rang and informed me that their baby(which was due in December and we now know this is another lie) will be delivered by c section this Thursday- a girl. 

it's time to let go of all of it now.....to move ahead and find some kind of wonderful out of all of this pain....and step by step this is what I am focusing on.

I have been doing a little public speaking for my work and I had an appointment today and have been asked to three events as the guest speaker. I talk for an hour to people who have lost hope...my message is simple..... life is hard....now you know that...let's get on with it!

So be it. 
The end of all of it....the scars are there...sitting just under the surface....memories flash by when I least expect them...and yes, sometimes a song will have me howling like it's that first few months again as I clock up miles of our Aussie roads on the way to another place to meet new people and talk as though my life has no story behind my smiles.

My first husband, the father of my children has interestingly become my rock. His wife, the one he left me for has also been a great source of strength. 
Number one husband has employees that are now my go between to settle the debts accrued over the time I shut the business and the ex left. I am forever grateful for small miracles like this. I don't deal well with creditors and now I won't have to. 

I still am driving my sons car and he is back from an OS trip and needs it...so the loan for new wheels is a priority at present. 

My little girl rang me today...after I told her about the speaking engagements. She told me that I had changed for the better...that she saw me as the strongest woman she had ever known. She was very proud of me and the feeling is mutual. I told her to never change a hair on her head as she was perfect as she is. 

I'll never really know how hard it must of been for her to sit and watch and wait for her once adored stepdad to stand before her...but I know one thing. He lost. 

So we go on....stepping forward with grace and love and are a family on a mission. 
Everything will be ok.


love and peace
me x


----------



## Hopelessus (Oct 29, 2014)

This is the exact situation I am having right almost word for word. We or (I) try to move things out with him using sudle hints. " It would be nice if the bottom of the closet was cleared so I could put the toys there" Stuff like that. It seems to be working now. We have kids 6 and 8. We try not to let them see him taking his stuff. But I really want everything out as soon as possible. I want to move on with my life. He says he doesn't have any where to put it b he moved back to his parents. Sometime I do make piles of stuff I want out, but suggestions seem to work right now.


----------



## Hopelessus (Oct 29, 2014)

It sounds like you are really confused. Of course you would be when she wants to come and go. That's not fair to you and your daughter. It's not a healthy situation for either of you. You want to show your daughter what a stable life is rather then being dragged around. It is hard for me to tell the difference between what. Want for me and what I think is best for my kids. Right now I despise him. But I need to swallow my pride and remember the kids still love him and miss him. I keep the same routine for them everyday school, home, homework, dinner, bath, bed, clean. It's not easy with work also. Basically as a parent you want to show as much stability as you can, even if it means making sacrifices.


----------



## Hopelessus (Oct 29, 2014)

Is it legal to throw the stuff out or sell it?


----------



## Hopelessus (Oct 29, 2014)

Thank you. He is 42 and out of no where he is not happy. Like every month on date night or anniversary didn't matter but he said we had good times but he has been unhappy for 5 years and questioned the marriage itself from the beginning. We are(were) married for 9 yrs have 2 great kids. I can't be with someone that doesn't love me,respect and just doesn't want to be with me. I have to have more respect for myself and take care of the kids. So he (they) need to realize the consequences of their actions before they say something


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)




----------



## Hopelessus (Oct 29, 2014)

Is it legal to sell his stuff? And is everything in the house split 50/50. He has ALOT more stuff in the house that is worth soooo much.


----------



## Hopelessus (Oct 29, 2014)

See now I gave him the date of Martin Luther King weekend bc the kids have a 3 day weekend and I can take them somewhere. He will have 3 days. He says he has no where to put his stuff. Now what? He moved back to his parents house.


----------

