# Confused about wife sexuality



## theconfusingpart86 (Apr 24, 2015)

I hope someone can explain this. 

My wife and I got married 5 years ago and sex was amazing before and just after marriage, however it was intense, couple of rounds each time. After the birth of our first child, things started to change in an awkward way. 

Our sex life started to die out. then I found out that my wife was into gay porn, and that she was watching gay and dp porn regularly. I haven't told her yet that I knew about it. 

One day she would tell me that she likes hard sex and explained to me how she would like it if I called her with names like a sxxx of cheap xxxx. and during sex ( one to two times a month now) she would pull my hand to her neck to choke her and some times hold my hand and make me slap her breast hard. one week later if I try it myself she would tell me that I was too rough ! 

Some times she takes my hand and slaps her ***** with it, and the while after she tells me not to do that again. Another time she begs me to finish on her face and the other time she tells me how gross it is, one month after she will beg me to do it ! 

She has been sending mixed signals all the time! im not sure what she likes and what she doesnt anymore ! Does she stop having sex for a while because she is not excited anymore ? Is she hoping for me to be tough or soft ? I tried to talk to her but it seems like she doesnt understand herself too. 

She had a rough childhood with verbally abusive mom and from what I understood she used to be physically abusive too. did it impact her sexuality ? is she secretly hoping for me to be the same in bed at least ?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you asked your wife these questions? I don't think that any of us know what's going on in her head.

You might want to find a marriage counselor who is also a sex therapist. You two of a lot of work out here.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

It sounds like your wife has a fetish for rough and humiliating sex, she likes to be roughly dominated. For a woman to admit this takes a great deal of courage. And she has enough courage to get you to do these things but doesn't have enough courage to explain that while she does like it, she doesn't always like it and needs your tenderness also. 

You two need to talk this out. She needs to be reassured that you will be happy to give her the rough stuff; that wanting it doesn't make her a willing punching bag, and you giving it doesn't alter your opinion of her respectability one bit.


----------



## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Track her period cycle. She's most horny during the 15th day after start of period. She may be wanting this at that time and other times she's not as horny she does not want it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

theconfusingpart86 said:


> Our sex life started to die out. then I found out that my wife was into gay porn, and that she was watching gay and dp porn regularly. *I haven't told her yet that I knew about it.*



You need to find a way to communicate about this! Generally porn is overstimulating which causes the primary stimulant to become novelty. 

For example: It is not uncommon for men that have overstimulated themselves with porn so much that the idea of tasting their own semen becomes novel and very stimulating. Then once removed from porn and overstimulation the idea quickly turn gross. 

Since your wife finds novelty BOTH stimulating and gross, it sounds as if she sometimes binges on porn and novelty and then eventually returns to normal. If you are able to talk to her about her porn habits in a non-shameful way, perhaps this will shed some light on your situation.

Badsanta


----------



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Apparently gay (girl-on-girl) porn for straight women is a thing and it does not mean there gay. My wife had this going on for a while until I confronted her with it. It is not that I cared that she was into that, but it exposed the lie that she never felt like sex.

She is trying to reach out to you to tell you what turns her on. there are a lot worse places to be.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

To be clear, when you say "gay porn", are you referring to male-on-male porn or lesbian porn? I'd assume the latter, but you mentioned "DP" within the same sentence, so I'm wondering whether there's something about two men having sex -- either w/ each other, w/ a woman, or both -- that appeals to your wife.


----------



## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

jerry123 said:


> Track her period cycle. She's most horny during the 15th day after start of period. She may be wanting this at that time and other times she's not as horny she does not want it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's what I was thinking, the OP's timing is off and he is not recognizing the signals.

Get with the program Op your reinforcing the sterotype of the clueless male. :rofl:


----------



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> To be clear, when you say "gay porn", are you referring to male-on-male porn or lesbian porn? I'd assume the latter, but you mentioned "DP" within the same sentence, so I'm wondering whether there's something about two men having sex -- either w/ each other, w/ a woman, or both -- that appeals to your wife.


Good point, from what I read it is not unusual for lesbians to be interested in male-male "gay" porn while the same is true for straight women and girl-on-girl porn made for guys. Lesbians don't generally watch much porn I think and almost never girl on girl porn.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

ScrambledEggs said:


> Good point, from what I read it is not unusual for lesbians to be interested in male-male "gay" porn while the same is true for straight women and girl-on-girl porn made for guys. Lesbians don't generally watch much porn I think and almost never girl on girl porn.


Yeah, guys who watch two women getting it on aren't gay. Therefore I assume a woman who watches two guys getting it on isn't a lesbian. It could be as simple as the person has zero interest in seeing somebody of the same gender as them having sex. Not only are they not gay, they're probably slightly homophobic! (that was tongue-in-cheek. Sort of).

I would say in this case, it's all very new to her, therefore some sort of communication needs to be happening (and not surprising her that you know about her porn habits. Leave that alone. Forever.)

She's likely only figuring out what her comfort levels are with this. She obviously has an interest in what you're describing, but she's also alternating with conflicting feelings about it all. As in: "Is this who I really am?"

It's fairly common to have feelings of shame when it comes to sex, especially with things that are out of the ordinary. But the overwhelming urge to do these things usually get the better of us. We're human. We get "in the moment" and let go. Then we feel like we did something dirty.

OP, if you're comfortable with her newfound interests, then communicate this to her. SHE needs to feel comfortable about it, too. Right now, she's feeling the urge to do these things, and is having you do them. Then she feels dirty, or shame, and she resists, and tells herself she isn't like that.

If you genuinely embrace this with her, this will allow her to feel comfortable and she can be herself and not feel bad about it.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ScrambledEggs said:


> Good point, from what I read it is not unusual for lesbians to be interested in male-male "gay" porn while the same is true for straight women and girl-on-girl porn made for guys. Lesbians don't generally watch much porn I think and almost never girl on girl porn.


A lot of women watch porn, of all kinds. A lot of straight women watch gay male porn, probably more so than lesbians. Though lesbians do watch plenty of it. Times are changing.


----------



## FatherofTwo (Dec 6, 2014)

My wife doesnt watch porn often but I've always found it strange or better yet different that when she does I know she watches " gay porn " ?? I guess she enjoys the 2 is better than 1 analogy ??


----------

