# Am I overreacting



## melissab (Sep 22, 2012)

To others this may sound childish but to me it's extremely hurtful and makes me feel horrible. 

Tonight my husband (almost 7 years) tells me he is taking just his mother out for dinner to a fancy place. He then tells me that it's just a mother-son dinner. So I am not invited! She has not done anything or helped either one of us in a long time so I know that it's not a payback or nice gesture he wants to recognize her for. 

About 5 years ago, she invited just my husband over for dinner and not me. I told me husband how much it hurt and he said that he understood but didn't know how to handle the situation. But now he's the one causing it. I said that it would be a different story if we all made plans and something came up where I had to work, or couldn't make it and I would have them keep their plans. 

When I told him that I am hurt and it's not right to purposely exclude me he says "well you can choose to handle it another way". He ended up falling asleep and I cannot sleep because of all this anger. 

We've been together for a long time (15 years and married almost 7). We've had a rocky marriage/ relationship at the beginning but now it's solid. We do everything together. So now this is making me think is something more going on? Is he cheating on me? What else doesn't he want me involved in with? 

What are your thoughts and ideas? Is it wrong for a spouse to purposely exclude the other (not including boy-night out or ladies get together). 
Thank you


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Yes, you may be just a bit over the top here. It's not really about you at all. A lot of mothers revel in attention from their sons. That's just the way it is. I go out with just my mother every once and awhile and it's usually for lunch. I know she appreciates it as do I. Please be happy for him and her. I don't think this is a sign of cheating. 

It's really okay.


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## melissab (Sep 22, 2012)

Thank you for your response. Mother in law and I have been having a struggling relationship and I've been working on it and making a big effort and feel that this could be a step back. Also, She has tried to always exclude me and just spend time with him. It just feels like my husband doesn't care to my feeling or thoughts. He did not once try to comfort me or make it better. I don't want to sound like a major codependent person but my mother just cut me out of her life (2 months ago) and that still burns and would love that motherly love.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

I see. Well perhaps your mother in law finds your relationship strained too ( ? ). Give them some space. It's a gift. I would also add that your MIL will probably not feel pressured to behave in a certain way if it is just her and her son. Make sense? I'm sorry to hear your mother and you have not spoken for a couple of months.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I think a son taking his mother out to dinner (Just mother & son.. no one else) is a very sweet thing to do.
His mother can relax & have a pleasant evening without having to watch what she is saying & infront of whom she is saying it.

Maybe she wants to vent about her husband, her work, or her health.. and she does not want anyone else to know...

Whatever the reason, I think it is perfectly normal.
Yes, I do think you are overreacting. 

Now.. if you find out later that he did NOT take his mother out to the dinner. That it was just a ruse to get out of the house all dressed up without you knowing why... .THEN you have a reason to worry.

But with what you've said.. Just sounds like you are worrying over nothing. You are letting your feelings get hurt too easily. 

It is not up to your husband to make you feel better about this. He cannot control your feelings, only you can. Only you can control your reactions to these feelings of jealousy. I'd suggest going out to the movies with a friend that night.. so that you are less tempted to sit at home & "brood". Does that make sense?


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