# Am lost!!!



## K.G. (Dec 7, 2008)

Hi, This is my 1st post here, so still very new at this...

As the title explains,I am completely lost in a marriage and dont know what to do.I have been married to my wife for 3 yrs now and we have a 9 month old little boy.My wife and I have been through a lot since we met each other,almost 5 yrs now...We met while we we both were living in London...She is Spanish and I am from Aus..She was wonderful back then, we both had probably some of the best days of our lives there..Towards the begining of 2005, she got pregnant and we were over the moon. At that time i was in a really good job in London and thought that having a child now would just complete the perfect life. She didnt want to have the baby in London and wanted to move to Spain, after much debates on our futures and the childs future I gave in and we moved to Spain. A few weeks into living in Spain, the most horrible and dreadful thing happened,she miscarried. It was twin babies..Needless to say that it took us a long time to get over that..And for her sake and her recovery I gave up my life in london and settled down in Spain, although job prospects were bleak, I thought we would manage and be happy...How wrong was I...A few months after moving to Spain and loosing the babies, everything just crumbled...She changed completely..I hadnt found a job yet in Spain for obvious reasons, but it didnt stop her from letting me know how useless and hopeless I was..She hooked up with her old mates again and carried on as if she had never left. All that aside, she left me alone, in the sense that i had to maake my own way here, find my own friends, my own way around the city,etc...I let a lot go by because I put it down as part of the healing process for her. We bought a house and during some of her sane periods,we discussed starting a family again..About a yr ago her dad came to visit and spoke to her about some cash that she had borrowed from him b4 leaving for london...it was a nice little sum of 20 000 euros...She hadnt mentioned a word of it to me..so u can imagine my surprise...I had around 15 000 euros in my saving which i gave her to pay her dad and we borrowed the rest from the bank...i didnt mind at the time...time went by and nothing changed with her...last yr she got pregnant again....at the time I honestly had mixed feelings about the pregnancy, mainly because I knew we were in a relationship that was leading nowhere...but she convinced me that once the baby comes...everything will be alright...when he was born...he immediately took over my life...I loved that little guy more than anything in this world and for a time we were a family again...he is now 9 months and from about 2 months ago, she has started her nonsense again...partying with her friends until 8 the next morning, leaving me with the baby at home...i dont mind this because i love him to bits...but 3 da7s ago she has dropped the bombshell on me...SHE WANTS A DIVORCE!!! her reasons are that she has tried and doesnt see herself spending the rest of her life with me.....she refuses to talk anymore about it and says her decision is final....
Man am I in a jam now.....Firstly my boy....what is to become of him...secondly, where do i go???I have no family here, no good friends,all of them are on the other side of the world...she knows this...and lastly NO MONEY to start a fresh....i invested alot of money into our home and the payment to her father...i have tried talking to her but nothing doing....Spanish law basically favours the mum in almost all custody battles,unless the mum is really horrible, which she is not...I am poised to loose my little boy forever.....I am lost,depressed and just dont know what to do...
There is a lot more to this story but this is the crux of it...
Thanks for reading!!!


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

im afraid losing the babies had an obvious affect on her.
i also think the move to spain and the money situation , well i think u were actually being conned. she knew what she was doing.
personally i think there is alot more going on with her.
i wouldnt have paid her debt for n e thing, but now you put her in the clear .
your right in the fact you could lose your little boy.
which is indeed very sad. 
but you dont know n e one or have family around, i would want to go back home and prob have to accept it wil b the hardest decision you ever have to make - to leave.
wht does spanish law entitle you to?
i think thats where you need to start first.
find out what you wil gain and maybe have enough to set up again.


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## K.G. (Dec 7, 2008)

Hi..:thanks for the reply...I have had a look at Spanish law and basically it will give me some visitation rights, ie 2 wknds a month, holidays, etc..almost all judges will give the mother more rights...my biggest problem is that he is only 9 months and i am so afraid that he will grow up not knowing me or not wanting me...leaving spain is not an option i think because it will be to difficult and i dont think i would ever recover...
i am entitled by law to half of everything...but do i really want to contest the house,etc???Its my little boys home and i dont want her moving out with him....


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

well reading your message. 
your already making your own decisions. which is fab.
so you have decided to make spain your home. 
which is an acceptance of what you want for your future and for your child. so atleast you have decided on a place of residency.
if you did leave your right he wouldnt know you.
with regards to contesting - yes i think you should take the half.(my opinion)
because the other side of the coin. you can both move on and your new home will be your little boys home. your setting up for him.
you give her the house and what do you get, stil nothing and she has a new fella move in and your paying for it.
im sorry to be harsh - but thats the reality of what you could face.
you have to generate some investment cash back.
were in a recession , so things wil b even harder.
you cant start with nothing.
i think thats unfair to yourself and to your child.


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## K.G. (Dec 7, 2008)

guess u right...tough times ahead...although she does want to have a sit down 2morrow...about what, i dont know yet...


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

K.G. said:


> guess u right...tough times ahead...although she does want to have a sit down 2morrow...about what, i dont know yet...


Do you want to stay in the marriage? What do you want?


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Honey that is a terrible situation. But the 20 000 euro thing, in itself, is VERY BAD NEWS. The fact you never heard of it and that she borrowed the money off you as well? I'm thinking she was a little devious.

Of course, no matter how a relationship starts, and beieve me I know, love cannot be helped unless one person in the relationship is completely cold, which I dont think is the case here. 

I think you need to cut your losses while still managing some custody.

Tell her family about the money .

I bet they'd be shocked.

Good luck,

S


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