# My responsibility or H's?



## oregonmom (Jan 6, 2012)

Kind of a silly question, but I'm conflicted.

I got a flat tire last night, my H came and helped me change it. It was too late to go get a new tire, so I have the spare on my car right now.

We live in a small town and there are no tire shops here, the closest one is 25 minutes away, and I have to drive on the freeway to get there. He told me to go check it out.

I kind of feel like this is something he should do for me for two reasons. One, I have S5 with me and it doesn't feel very safe to be driving that far at that rate of speed with him in the car; two, I don't know much about tires and don't want to be taken advantage of. 

OTOH, I want to do things for myself and not rely on him. I was very codependent in the past, and am trying to show I am very capable of taking care of things myself.

He doesn't work until noon the next three days. I feel like I have a few options:
1) Ask him to take care of it
2) Ask him to follow me to a tire shop near his work around 11, have him take S5 in his car and do the talking, then leave for work
3) Ask him to wake up with S5, and I go by myself before he works.

Suggestions? #2 is the option I'm leaning towards. Tips on tires would be helpful too if I should do this myself. I have a 2007 Camry. Thanks


----------



## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

Check out the prices for tires for your vehicle online before either of you go to the shop (maybe print off a few of the offers). 

If you have a full sized spare on the car (as opposed to one of those silly space savers they do now) then there is no reason not to drive down the freeway at normal speed with your son in the car. As for it being you, your husband or both that go to the shop why not on this occasion all go but then once you are home get your husband to teach you how to change a flat, every driver should be able to do this for themselves IMHO.


----------



## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I would want my SO to do it.


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I'd do it myself, if your spare is legal (which it should be) there's no problem driving with it.


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

First, a spare tire is only suppose to be used for anywhere from 50 to 150 clicks (kms). It isn't meant for long term nor for big highway trips. It:s dangerous.

It's a short term solution for getting to a garage rather than needing a tow or being stranded. This is straight from a tow truckers mouth (husband did towing for 8 yrs).


----------



## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

I'm a woman and I feel like this should be something you should be able to do for yourself. If you choose to drive you need to be able to take care of the car IMO. Tires are not complicated, there is nothing a man can understand about a tire that a woman cannot. If you don't ask questions or try to figure things out on your own you will NEVER learn and always have to rely on someone else.


----------



## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Soufon is correct. Tires are mot complicated. Knowing how to do it is a good thing. But keep in mind that it can be dangerous if you don't do it right. Parking brake on. Not on an incline if possible. Those flimsy jacks they give you these days can tip, dropping the car on your foot if it happens to be in the wrong place. Lug nuts can be a bear to remove if they're on too tight.


----------



## oregonmom (Jan 6, 2012)

Thanks all for the responses.

Just to be clear, I do know how to change a flat, not speedy at it but it has been done . Main reason I called H was because I told him I was on my way home before it happened, and I was in a sketchy area of town in the dark. I wasn't uncomfortable with the tire change, more the area I was in.

I do just have a donut unfortunately, that is what makes me uncomfortable having S5 in the car with me. H says that is no problem, but I have always been the cautious one.

In hindsight, I should have driven my car back to my friend's house and left it there so I wouldn't have a long drive. 

My dad always took care of the cars in my family, so that is where I got the idea it was the husband's job. 

I talked to him before I checked here, he wants me to do it all and rolled his eyes at the idea of following me, so I guess it is all on me. I can see it's not this issue specifically that is bothering me, it is feeling like I am responsible for everything else since he works. It would be nice if he didn't sleep til 11 when he works at noon, it would be nice if I wasn't responsible for all the financials, housework, yard work, emergencies etc. Most of the time I ask for help, I get the eye roll and I'm just frustrated.

Thanks for the tip looking it all up on the internet first, will do.


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

"Donut" spares can be driven without concern on highways. Stay at 55 and you should be OK.

As for being taken advantage of, the tire store will match the tire you buy to your remaining three tires, assuming you go to a reputable tire store. There really isn't a whole lot of wiggle room in pricing when they do that. Or, just tell them you want the exact same model tire that went flat.

You can also talk to the guy at the tire store and then call your husband, tell him the story and get his "blessing".

It isn't rocket science.


----------



## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Husband should have gone and bought you a tire and brought it home. Donut tires are only rated for 55 mph for a reason. He didn't live up to his obligations.


----------



## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

Enginerd said:


> Husband should have gone and bought you a tire and brought it home. Donut tires are only rated for 55 mph for a reason. He didn't live up to his obligations.


What? He went and helped her change it and now he's asking her to be the one to go to the shop and get it taken care of. Are most women really that in need that they cannot handle replacing a tire? Maybe I was just brought up different but if I couldn't change a tire and get myself to a shop after a flat I wasn't allowed to drive. My dad also taught me how to replace my brakes, change my oil, etc. Driving on a spare on a highway for 20 min isn't a big deal as long as she kept her speed down.

This entire thing just has me replaying Curb Your Enthusiasm in my head :rofl:

Larry David Changing A Tire - YouTube

OP, I know you said you can change a tire  How did it go flat anyway? You realize that in certain cases the tire can be repaired and you don't need to buy an entirely new tire? But as Chris said, if you do have to get a new one it has to match pretty closely with the other three tires and most shops don't have a HUGE selection so whatever they tell you is probably about it. Unless they try convincing you to replace all of the tires, that is them trying to get over on you.


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

I would definitely just go with #2 as a compromise. I don't like dealing with car stuff on my own personally. My H has a lot more understanding about vehicles than I do, so I usually just convince him that he's more fit to deal with things like that.


----------



## oregonmom (Jan 6, 2012)

Soifon said:


> What? He went and helped her change it and now he's asking her to be the one to go to the shop and get it taken care of. Are most women really that in need that they cannot handle replacing a tire? Maybe I was just brought up different but if I couldn't change a tire and get myself to a shop after a flat I wasn't allowed to drive. My dad also taught me how to replace my brakes, change my oil, etc. Driving on a spare on a highway for 20 min isn't a big deal as long as she kept her speed down.
> 
> This entire thing just has me replaying Curb Your Enthusiasm in my head :rofl:
> 
> ...


I should have been proactive about it in the first place - it was low on air a few months ago, I filled it up. Told H about it and he said it should be fine. I knew better, my bad. Was low when I left friend's house, so I stopped to fill it up again and once I started it blew. It was worn on the inside where you couldn't see it until it was off. H said it could not be repaired.

Trying to get one over on me is what bothers me about it, I hate when I bring the car somewhere then they tell me I have to get a million other things done that I didn't go there for. They give me the run around and try to make me do it as I'm saying no thanks. It's a personality flaw of mine, I really hate feeling pressured and like I am not being listened to or treated like a dummy.


----------



## ManUp (Nov 25, 2012)

He did his male alpha thing and changed the tire. Now it's your turn to do your female alpha thing and go shopping. I kid. I kid. Sorta. 

Frankly, his job is done. It's not like you buy the tire and put it on yourself. You can do this
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## oregonmom (Jan 6, 2012)

ManUp said:


> He did his male alpha thing and changed the tire. Now it's your turn to do your female alpha thing and go shopping. I kid. I kid. Sorta.
> 
> Frankly, his job is done. It's not like you buy the tire and put it on yourself. You can do this
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OK . I know I can too. I will stop my b!tching 

I can see now it's not really about the tire. Just one of those little, kind of unreasonable, things that set you off, distracting from the real problem.


----------



## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

oregonmom said:


> Kind of a silly question, but I'm conflicted.
> 
> I got a flat tire last night, my H came and helped me change it. It was too late to go get a new tire, so I have the spare on my car right now.
> 
> ...


You are an adult no? Unless there is a reason why you cant do it, take it to the shop.

Ask for prices prior, to prevent getting gouged.


----------



## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Just go get a tire. Drive over there. Take it easy when driving. It really isn't a big deal.

I think the real problem is you feel you are doing too much and hubby not enough?


----------



## oregonmom (Jan 6, 2012)

Tigger said:


> Just go get a tire. Drive over there. Take it easy when driving. It really isn't a big deal.
> 
> I think the real problem is you feel you are doing too much and hubby not enough?


Yep. This I can handle myself, it would have been nice if he offered to help a little. There are some things, like clearing all the fallen trees from a storm a year ago that aren't physically possible for me to do at 115 lbs. He just doesn't do it because non-work time is relax time or fun time.

It's also frustrating that I called and got all the quotes and decided what to do and where to go and told me no, I needed to do it his way. 

I promised no more b!tching tho, so I'm done


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Go for the medium priced tire when you get there. You don't need a high end one, and don't want a cheapy one. So go for the middle price.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

The issues you will have will be related to the condition of the tires. 

If they are fairly new, then they will tell you if they can repair the tire or if you need to buy a new one. This should be a pretty easy decision. Just get a new tire that is similar quality to the tires you have.

If the tires are worn, they might try to sell you more tires. Get your husband's opinion on this before you go. If you need them, then probably a good idea, to avoid more flat tires.


----------

