# Desperate need of help!!



## lonleycanadianwifey (Nov 22, 2010)

Where do i begin ...And I do apologize now for i know ill be a long over written post, but i truly want to give the readers a complete history of my situation!!
I am 28 year old woman with 1 girl who is 7 
My husband in 39 with 4 girls 7 12 15 18

Okay here it goes......I met my husband in late 2006 ...I was just going through what i would call the most hardest days of my life ...My first real boyfreind and father of my only daughter (whom is 7 now) was cheating and had been cheating the whole relationship ...He was always with another woman when he was with me ...well he lived with both of us...And for that past 2 years i was trying to sort out my life and move on from his lies ..that is when i met my husband... HE wasnt from this country he was here on a work permit...Although i would say i was rebounding now looking back i got with him ...There were a few red flag when i was with him in the beginning ..

He maintained a residence because of his work contract he signed ..but always stayed with me ...Bathed here ate here..watched TV here internet ...you name he indulged and for free...some times he would give me grocery money ...that was all ...he would often say well i am trying to save to go back home and i didnt come here to spend off all the money i made and go back with nothing i never planned on meeting you ..We got in alot of fights over money ...i was a woman and he was taking from me ...i also had a little girl to support , and her BIO father never saw here or helped me with her...The only thing i can say is my husband never cheated or did anything to make me feel messed up he laways was home with us and helped with house work and them things ...and it was better than what i was use to ...so i thought ...i was like an idio back then settleing for the first man that fell in my lap ....I would by him expensive gifts IPOD MP3 portable dvds chains bracetls rings...OMG ....just to make him like me ....Looking back i was soo pathtic ...trying to impress him and his freinds ....making him look like the king all the while forgetting about me and my daughter ...and without fail he took it all ....i also payed for his tranprtation to and from work so he could stay here ....Looking back he only stayed here cause it was conveienent ...food sex and everything payed ...and thats why i did it ....cause i knew if he had to pay for it he wouldnt be here much ...i just wanna cry

SO we talked just before he was to go home for 5 months and he said that when he comes back the next time things would be different and he would stay here in canada and we would get married and finacially he would help and yadda ydaa...

Well it didnt go down like that ....he went back to his howe country in late 07 and never got to come back because they didnt request him back to work ...so then a whole new bag of tricks started ...

I starting going to his home country ...i payed for everything ...Cause he would always say i dont have any money i dont make any money here ..I went first in 2007 he took me far away from where he lived ....told me things like my family would steal from you, you wouldnt like it there i want you to be comfy..things like that ...

When coming back to canada we talked about getting married and me sponsoring him to canada..So then the calls started coming from him about i need money for this or i need money for that ....And i would get OOOHHH i promise when i get back there ill make it up to you i promise ...I must have sent 100 western union reciepts from when he was in Jamaica prbally around 5000 dolalrs was sent in 3 years with all the IMM costs and the money i gavce him to live with ...In mar 2008 we were married in Jamaica ...I payed for it all ...him not one cent ...yet again convinced he has no money ...only person who came to our wedding is his sister and my daughter.....Il filled for him to come lived in canada ...it took 15 months ...i sen presents for his daughter for their bday ...for christmas ....frigg i even sent money for some shoes cause they didnt have any ...some tiems medicine ...all those were probally lies...

In Feb 2010 he landed in canada with his 7 years old daughter ...he landed a job really fast ....GREAT i was thinking ...i can finally start getting some support.....NOT.....

He has been here for 9 months in less than a week ....and he barely gives me any money ....we fight all the time ...

MY bills per month are as follows .....( i only make 1300 dollars a month)

Rent (included heat/water)... 663.00
hydro....120.00
Home phone ...61.00
cable ...67.00
groceries...( 400.00) he wants home cooked meal every night)
Internet..57.00
furinture pyments.......300.00
my loan payment ( i racked up while he was in jamaica to fly there ) 147.00

miselanious payments ....200.00

babysitters .....anywhere depending on what hsifts we are on 100.00- 250.00

so lets say total bills per month......2115.00......How much has he given me this month $ 100.00 towards the furniture payments.. apparently in his mind i have to pay half...

I just wanna cry .....i signed the dotten line for this jerk ....i am responsible for him ...and yet he makes more money than me ...he sends like roughly 300 hundred back home for his kids per month ...Now just recently i find out he saving too ...50 dollars a pay ....i had to quit smoking cause i couldnt afford it ...and i still cant save yet he continues to smoke ciggies and weed...I just payed 400 hundred dollars in bills ...and he didnt give me a cent he always have excuses ....I dont have the money ill give it to when i get payed 

Most months he will give me half rent 300 and half greocerys for 1 time ...100.00..he is like a roommate ....when it comes to him everything is half if it comes down to it ...i ams oo sick of it ....he hasnt done 1 nice thing for me since he come home no flowers no presnts for bday anniversray .....NOTHING ...he always has excuses for that...i dont know what you want or where to go ....

...what do i do ....all he does it treat me bad ....ignore me ...barely talkes to me if he doesnt have his weed and when he smokes he turns back into some sort of human being again ...

Yesturday he treated me badly .....was mean distant ...and for no reason ...and as soon as bed time came and he wanted SEX he became nice ....lets just say ...i told him NO if you cannot treat me good all the time no matter what and not when you just want something dont count on it ....

He said to me last night now ...that he will never ask me for sex again got mad at me ....and rolled over ...i tried to talk ...but he just continued to ignore me....WHat do i do i need help sooo badley ...Please someone reach out ....I am just floating ...and i am scared....

Sex ....OMG dont even wanna go there ...he only last like 4 mintues ....he wont give oral or recive it ...i just am in complete torment ...i dont know why i even married him ...he doesnt care about me watsoever ...and i feel like my life is getting worse


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You're being used. Time to get out of this marriage before he completely drains you financially and emotionally.


----------



## a0330v (Oct 17, 2010)

Hi,
You deserve so much more than that!!!! Unfortunately this man has been using you from the very beginning, thank god the power to divorce him lies in your hands. You can get your life back today!

The way to determine weather you are right for each other or not is by going through this simple checklist. If you are in disagreement in one or more of these points, your personalities are in conflict and can't match up no matter how hard you try.
1. Similar Beliefs 
Do you have the same faith/religion and if not, are you accepting of each others beliefs?
2. Similar Values 
money/food/environment/appreciation/sex
3. Similar Goals 
kids/no kids/place of residence/job goal/financial goals

Just by reading your post it can be determined that you don't have the same values, which is something that is deeply anchored in a persons being and not something you can change just because your spouse disagrees. You can oppress your values for quite some time, but after a while your true self will yearn for self expression and that includes living according to your own values. 

Divorcing the man that has been draining your life is the most LIBERATING experience of your life. Just imagine waking up in the morning in an apartment that is yours, with you beautiful little daughter, knowing that this day is yours. The work you do benefits you, your daughter and your future and doesn't feed someone who fails to show you any love and appreciation. 
The first step to courage is discovering love for yourself again. Being in a painful relationship can lower ones self esteem and that is easier to change than you ever thought by doing these 3 steps every day.

1. Love yourself
1hr of exercise every day. I do a little walk every morning while thinking about all the things that I'm grateful for in my life and I envision what a great, successful and contributing day this day will be and how it will bring me closer to my ultimate goal (weather that be your dream occupation or something else)
Healthy Diet. Diets that are are based around meat, fat, salt and sugar are clinically shown to make a person depressed. Eat at least 3 large servings of veggies a day and snack on fresh fruit instead of processed sugar. Going vegetarian just once or twice a week has shown to have tremendously positive effect on ones weight and overall health.
2. Pursue your personal goals passionately
Think of your job aspirations, what you want to contribute to this world while you are here. Find a goal, weather that be sending your daughter to a great school or taking a trip, getting a new job, running a marathon etc. Take one step towards that goal every single day.
3. Do something you enjoy!
Do something every day that you love. That may be cooking dinner for your daughter or helping her with her homework, or watching your favorite show/reading a chapter in a great book, make a phonecall to a close friend. Anything that you can remind yourself of during the day to keep your mood up and positive.

If you ever feel overwhelmed, do this little exercise. It always calms and relaxes me and helps me refocus on what's really important.

Lay down/sit comfortably.
1. Breathe in through your nose on one count, make sure you are breathing into your stomach, not your chest (if you aren't sure if you are breathing right, place one hand on your chest and one on your stomach, your chest should be almost still while breathing in)
2. Breathe out through the mouth on 5 counts (simply count to 5 while you are breathing out)
3. Do about 5-10 repetitions and it will remove your anxiety.

Get started today, your daughter deserves a happy mother. Even if you think she doesn't notice it, trust me she is going to remember that man mistreating you for the rest of your life and indirectly learn that men are not to be trust and women easily get exploited by them.
Take a stand for yourself and your family you DESERVE a FANTASTIC life!

My thoughts are with you.


----------

