# Am I overreacting



## Punkin (Nov 3, 2019)

Hi everyone

So I need some advice about my husband and social media. Im going to give you a little background first. I have been dealing with my husband for 13 years and I know my husband loves me but he is a private person. He doesn't like discussing our relationship with outside people. He doesn't like taking pictures. He has a huge family but he only takes me around his mother and his one aunt and that's only because his mother tells us she is having a party or something.

Even when we went to his cousin's gender reveal he didn't introduce me to his family his mother did. Now he told me in the beginning that the only family he care about is his mom and brothers and I accepted that. I do know a few of his male cousins but they dont really know me. It kind of bothers me when he talks to his cousins about their wives, girlfriend, baby mamma etc. I feel some kind of way that he knows their significant others but they dont really know me.

Now this is what I need advice about. I want to know if I'm overreacting. So this is an issue that I have been wrestling with for years. So we both have Facebook pages however I haven't been on my page in years. I know that he only posts like videos not personal videos.

Now I originally set up his page and we were friends well he went and made another page cause he couldn't remember his password so with his new page we weren't friends and I didn't care about that because I wasn't on Facebook but when we got engaged I did change my status to engaged. Well one day I was curious and I went on his page and noticed his relationship status said single.

Now at this time he was a way at truck driving school so I called him and asked him why was status single when he wasn't single and he said he didn't care about Facebook and I told him that if he didn't care then why make his status single instead of engaged.

We went round and round about it but he changed it to engaged for about an hour then changed it to in a relationship. I asked him why did he change it and he said because people were in boxing him asking him questions and he didn't want to answer. So I didn't bring it up again. So a few years go by and once again Im curious if he changed his status and I noticed now he doesn't even have his relationship status icon showing on his page.

Again I felt some kind of way but didn't mention it to him. Well when we got married I thought that he would add that he's married but he didn't. I feel like he doesn't want other females to know he has someone. When I see other husbands showing their wives it makes me feel like I wish I had a man who did that for me .

I don't want him to post about our relationship or even my name just let people know he married. It's bad enough he don't wear his wedding ring which he told me before we got married that he wasn't gone wear it because of his job. He works for the city. I didn't like it but i understood.

So am I overreacting should it matter that he doesn't acknowledge me on his social media page?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Your not over reacting. 
All I can say is that I would be pissed if my husband didn’t introduce me to his family, didn’t have married as his social media status, didn’t have a picture of me in his social media, and didn’t wear a wedding ring. If it were me, I would make him change it. I would cause WW3 over that.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He's acting like he's ashamed to be with you. That must be a real downer for you. Don't tolerate it.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

I understand you feeling awful about these things. I believe the 180

*THE 180*

is the way to go.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Punkin said:


> I know my husband loves me


How do you know this?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

TJW said:


> I understand you feeling awful about these things. I believe the 180
> 
> *THE 180*
> 
> is the way to go.


Is this the right link?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Seems to be right.... although, my browser puts the view at the top of the page, and the 180 reference is several posts down in post #47 from bandit.45.

And, I agree with you about WW3.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Your not over reacting.
> All I can say is that I would be pissed if my husband didn’t introduce me to his family, didn’t have married as his social media status, didn’t have a picture of me in his social media, and didn’t wear a wedding ring. If it were me, I would make him change it. I would cause WW3 over that.


Yep. 




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## jimmyrich (Apr 10, 2020)

Punkin said:


> Hi everyone
> 
> So I need some advice about my husband and social media. Im going to give you a little background first. I have been dealing with my husband for 13 years and I know my husband loves me but he is a private person. He doesn't like discussing our relationship with outside people. He doesn't like taking pictures. He has a huge family but he only takes me around his mother and his one aunt and that's only because his mother tells us she is having a party or something.
> 
> ...


Id' say that you are UNDER-REACTING. You need to get a spine and assert your self with him. He's just using you because you are so passive and easy. I'd google: "communication skills" and learn how to ask for AND GET what you want. The communication in your union is very, very ineffective. It might help you to google: "self respect" and begin improving yours so you aren't so "easy" for your selfish husband.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

How do people get to marry some weirdos? And I should know, because I married one...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Rose colored glasses and LSD, I'm guessing.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Punkin said:


> Hi everyone
> 
> So I need some advice about my husband and social media. Im going to give you a little background first. I have been dealing with my husband for 13 years and I know my husband loves me but he is a private person. He doesn't like discussing our relationship with outside people. He doesn't like taking pictures. He has a huge family but he only takes me around his mother and his one aunt and that's only because his mother tells us she is having a party or something.
> 
> ...


Honestly?

If it were me, I'd probably have been thinking about ending the engagement. Marriage is a tricky business that is made near-impossible with a dodgy spouse.

But now you're in this marriage, and he wants to appear single publicly. There's a reason for that. The simplest explanation is that he wants to still be 'on the market,' but there may be other reasons.


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

I normally stay out of this type of post, but I'll chime in.
So far, in my opinion, you've gotten lousy advice.
He don't give a ****. He don't give a **** about facebook. You should be glad. He don't give a **** about his family, other than a select few. He doesn't have a relationship with 95% of them.
I'm not on facebook, cause I don't give a **** about facebook.
I have no relationship with 95% of my family, they never gave a **** about me.
He's a private person, he doesn't discuss his personal life with others. He doesn't care to respond to questions.
Personally, I think you're overreacting. Because I think he's much like me.
You may want to consider this other point of view, either way, good luck.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

shortbus said:


> I normally stay out of this type of post, but I'll chime in.
> So far, in my opinion, you've gotten lousy advice.
> He don't give a **. He don't give a ** about facebook. You should be glad. He don't give a **** about his family, other than a select few. He doesn't have a relationship with 95% of them.
> I'm not on facebook, cause I don't give a **** about facebook.
> ...


If he didn't care about facebook, he wouldn't have changed his relationship status from 'engaged' to 'in a relationship'. If he wasn't using facebook to communicate to people, then he wouldn't have been getting difficult questions he needs to answer when his status was 'engaged.'

Therefore, he cares about his facebook status, and he uses facebook actively to communicate with people.

To add to that, he doesn't want to wear his wedding ring.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

shortbus said:


> I normally stay out of this type of post, but I'll chime in.
> So far, in my opinion, you've gotten lousy advice.
> He don't give a **. He don't give a ** about facebook. You should be glad. He don't give a **** about his family, other than a select few. He doesn't have a relationship with 95% of them.
> I'm not on facebook, cause I don't give a **** about facebook.
> ...


But he is on facebook and cares enough to create a new profile.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

I'm sure that Facebook Messenger would make for some interesting reading.


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

I went back and reread the OP.
I still stand by my assessment.
I also haven't worn my wedding ring for over 20 years. And I don't do that because, 'I'm looking for females'.
Wanda J, I don't read it as though he made a 'new' facebook page, he made a new one because he couldn't remember a password.
Listen, if he's trying to cheat or has, I think he should be hung out with the rest of them.
Have a conversation with him. He's your husband.
There's tons of info on this site to look for evidence he's cheating if you think he is. If you think so, knock yourself out.
I still stand by my opinion.
Just for info, since it's lacking. How old are you two? How long have you been married?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Tdbo said:


> I'm sure that Facebook Messenger would make for some interesting reading.


Absolutely. 


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Marduk said:


> If he didn't care about facebook, he wouldn't have changed his relationship status from 'engaged' to 'in a relationship'. If he wasn't using facebook to communicate to people, then he wouldn't have been getting difficult questions he needs to answer when his status was 'engaged.'
> 
> Therefore, he cares about his facebook status, and he uses facebook actively to communicate with people.
> 
> To add to that, he doesn't want to wear his wedding ring.


He changed his FB status because it would stop his W from haranguing him.

Besides this FB issue, OP, what are your issues with H?

If he's like me, I have a FB page, only check now and then, my last post was Happy Easter to all, and I generally don't post stuff.

Some grand kid pics, some dog pics a good while ago, some motorcycle pics. 

I don't post regularly. I may go a week w/o looking at. One less thing to do.

I don't wear a wedding ring due to job, almost never in 35yrs. 
That doesn't mean I'm looking for a woman, it means I'm married just don't wear a ring.

You're over reacting. 

Pretend FB doesn't exist, do you have other problems with him?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

And I've got to say, the only persons I communicate with in FB are old school friends I've known since 4th grade, and I'm very sporadic there. One less thing to do and so forth. 

It's mostly just keeping in the interestingly know about probably 15 persons, and then some outliers.

But I may go a month w/o posting, and everything I post everyone is welcome to see, who cares. I care more about not posting stuff because of privacy than looking or thinking of things to post.

Mostly we communicate about reunions now, and trivial stuff.

So again, you're over reacting. Unless there are other signs he's a bad or cheating H, FB isn't the concern from the info you've shared.

Just because one looks at social media doesn't mean one "has an evil plan to cheat on a spouse".


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> Your not over reacting.
> All I can say is that I would be pissed if my husband didn’t introduce me to his family, didn’t have married as his social media status, didn’t have a picture of me in his social media, and *didn’t wear a wedding ring. *If it were me, I would make him change it. I would cause WW3 over that.


I've lost three rings, hooked my finger multiple times in network rooms and network cabling environments, work around hot panels (electric) and got tired of taking rings and watches on/off/lose one every couple years, almost lost a finger when ring got hooked, many times, and same with watches.

Because of this I don't wear a watch or ring.

Does this make me a bad person, should my DW want to strangle me about it? (She doesn't, btw).


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I've lost three rings, hooked my finger multiple times in network rooms and network cabling environments, work around hot panels (electric) and got tired of taking rings and watches on/off/lose one every couple years, almost lost a finger when ring got hooked, many times, and same with watches.
> 
> Because of this I don't wear a watch or ring.
> 
> Does this make me a bad person, should my DW want to strangle me about it? (She doesn't, btw).


No of course your not a bad person.

But you have to look at the big picture instead of all these little circumstances. Yes these don’t mean anything when they happen individually, but when you put them all together it’s suspicious behavior.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Punkin said:


> So am I overreacting....?


Yes


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

No. 


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I've lost three rings, hooked my finger multiple times in network rooms and network cabling environments, work around hot panels (electric) and got tired of taking rings and watches on/off/lose one every couple years, almost lost a finger when ring got hooked, many times, and same with watches.
> 
> Because of this I don't wear a watch or ring.
> 
> Does this make me a bad person, should my DW want to strangle me about it? (She doesn't, btw).


The difference being that you have valid safety reasons due to your vocation for not wearing jewelry.
Do you acknowledge that you are married on Facebook?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Tdbo said:


> The difference being that you have valid safety reasons due to your vocation for not wearing jewelry.
> Do you acknowledge that you are married on Facebook?


I do in FB. But I do know it took a few times going back to it, because I originally set up for convenience for an outing, not to be active to any degree.

Bit that doesn't mean on every site I've ever set up that I've gone in and edited any profile data at all. 
Once I get through necessary security settings I almost never add or modify the default generic "profile" settings in the "about me" fields.

All that is just one more thing to do, once one gets on that train.

I could care less that others know "a little more about me".


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> Rose colored glasses and LSD, I'm guessing.


Seriously.

If I had dated some socially and emotionally stunted fool like this guy, I would have kicked his ass to the curb within months. I sure as hell wouldn't have married him.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Marduk said:


> If he didn't care about facebook, he wouldn't have changed his relationship status from 'engaged' to 'in a relationship'. If he wasn't using facebook to communicate to people, then he wouldn't have been getting difficult questions he needs to answer when his status was 'engaged.'
> 
> Therefore, he cares about his facebook status, and he uses facebook actively to communicate with people.
> 
> To add to that, he doesn't want to wear his wedding ring.


I guess admitting he was engaged and wearing a wedding ring is interfering with his 'social' life that the OP knows nothing about. I think I'd be real curious to read those messenger chats too, now that someone brought that up.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I do in FB. But I do know it took a few times going back to it, because I originally set up for convenience for an outing, not to be active to any degree.
> 
> Bit that doesn't mean on every site I've ever set up that I've gone in and edited any profile data at all.
> Once I get through necessary security settings I almost never add or modify the default generic "profile" settings in the "about me" fields.
> ...


That's kind of the issue here, as outlined by the OP.
IMO, Facebook is a petri dish.
The only reason, IMO, for someone in a relationship to be on there and not acknowledge it, is to hook up.
I know first hand that even with the full name of my wife on my page (and linked to hers), I have still been propositioned.
I would never have been involved in it at all, except for job reasons.
After I retired, the only reason I engaged in it at all was to keep up with co-workers, friends, and a few former students that wanted to keep in touch (at their insistence, I might add.)
Even at that, one day I deactivated my page.
Mrs. Tdbo found out and had a cow. Discussion ensued.
She is on FB. The reason she wanted me to stay activated was so that I had access to her page, for full transparency.
I guess she had a point, and I certainly wasn't going to waste energy over that issue.
Frankly, I wouldn't care if I never saw it again.


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