# I'm done



## Tangent (Apr 9, 2012)

I think I’ve had enough. We’ve only been married for 13 months, and we have a 3 month old girl together, and she has an 11 year old boy whose father is non-existent. Neither of us cheated or physically abused each other, but this relationship is so unhealthy and negative I really feel like I’m done. 
You can see my other posts for examples of the sh*t testing and disrespect. Today she told me she “invested” $5000 in a scam and lost it. She had asked me if she could money into it, and I explained it was a pyramid scheme. I told her to treat it like gambling (only play what you can stand to lose) and that she could do $1000. Well, she did $5,000. When I got angry, mainly over disrespecting my wishes, she tried to throw it back at me. According to her we either do or don’t have joint finances depending upon whether it suits her argument/mood/situation. Legally we do have joint finances.
I’m tired of rearranging my life taking care of her entitled boy with not a word of thanks or a hint of appreciation. I’m tired of her whole crazy family. I’m tired of trying to make it work only to have her **** on me. I’m tired of her constant **** tests, disrespect and manipulations. I’m tired of no sex in the last ten months (just the occasional bj). I'm tired of death by a thousand cuts. I’m tired of all of it. 
My only concern now is my daughter. 
I know compared to the stories on this board, what I’ve been through seems like nothing, but I don’t want to live my life like this. I feel abused, disrespected, and taken advantage of. I’m done.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Nonsense... your story is just as tough and sad as everyone elses. Maybe not in the same way but you clearly have it rough! Have you tried counseling? Setting your foot down and establishing boundaries with her? Exactly how are the accounts set up? Is there just one account the both of you share? Frankly... she needs to realize how stupid her decision to toss away 5k on a scam was. Did she know it was a scam? I get the feeling that she did.. since you mentioned having told her that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

good on you.


----------



## Tangent (Apr 9, 2012)

Friday we got into it over the phone. I told her I wouldn't be home for a few days; that I was going to stay with my sister or at my parents to cool off. She said if I don't go home then just get a divorce. When I said that wasn't far from my mind she said then just kill her instead (dramatic much?) She said she "invested" the money because it was my fault, because I didn't make enough money to pay for her business expenses. 

I moved some of my things out today, and we spoke for a little while and it was the most productive discussion/argument we've had, since she managed to keep calm and not get nasty.

I realized the pattern and that she essentially verbally abuses me. When she wants something and if I don't agree with it, I realized that I actually make a decision to either give in or to say no knowing it will get nasty. I don't always have the time or energy to fight, so I pick my battles. Over and over. It became normal in such a short time. I miss what we never had. I wanted a real marriage. She claims she didn't even understand the nature of joint finances.

I told her we'd take a break and we could go to counselling. I told her that something like 70% of couples who separate go on to divorce. I took my wedding ring off which really shook her. 

I don't want to go through a divorce, but I don't want to walk on eggshells and spend most of my free time running her son around (for no thanks). We'll see.


----------



## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

make sure while your "seperated" you seperate your financies or she will really drain you.


----------



## Tangent (Apr 9, 2012)

God, reading back through my posts, I'm thinking "what a *****". I can't believe it. I know its part of the problem, but I just wanted the marriage to work. I'm not looking forward to raising my daughter in a broken home, dealing with her family and having her screw with me for 18 years.


----------



## dwaynewilliams (Feb 1, 2010)

I would definitely reconsider leaving the situation. You are newly married, and have an infant child with this woman. This is the most stressful time in a marriage. The two of you haven't been married long enough to have figured a lot of this stuff out. I know that it seems bad and you are frustrated, but give your marriage a chance. I felt out of sorts and angry in my marriage for the first three years. Thought about leaving constantly. But it got better, a lot better. Try being patient with your wife, even at times when you don't believe she deserves it. Hope you are able to work things out. Good luck.


----------



## forumman83 (Aug 12, 2012)

I am in a similar situation. 

I have been in a relationship with my current wife for 10 years; married for 3. 

From day one it has been nothing but non-stop **** testing. Doesn't matter how I deal with it, they just keep coming. I have tried every different approach. I am not a doormat but I'm not an ahole either. 

I found myself being miserable all the time; at work with friends family, whatever.

Anyhow, I realized that I did not want to live this way any more and made the decision to end the relationship after a whole bunch of BS sh*t tests that just went too far.

Funny thing is that since she's moved out of the house (2 weeks ago) I feel like a million bucks and people are taking notice (saying i look happier, smiling more, etc.)

I think often we don't realize the negative effects all these "cuts" eventually cause (ps I love the way you put that: dying from all the cuts, nicely said)

Just be prepared my friend, it will not end; therefore, you must be willing to deal with theses cycles FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. If you can, you're a better man than me!


----------



## jfv (May 29, 2012)

Tangent said:


> I think I’ve had enough. We’ve only been married for 13 months, and we have a 3 month old girl together, and she has an 11 year old boy whose father is non-existent. Neither of us cheated or physically abused each other, but this relationship is so unhealthy and negative I really feel like I’m done.
> You can see my other posts for examples of the sh*t testing and disrespect. Today she told me she “invested” $5000 in a scam and lost it. She had asked me if she could money into it, and I explained it was a pyramid scheme. I told her to treat it like gambling (only play what you can stand to lose) and that she could do $1000. Well, she did $5,000. When I got angry, mainly over disrespecting my wishes, she tried to throw it back at me. According to her we either do or don’t have joint finances depending upon whether it suits her argument/mood/situation. Legally we do have joint finances.
> I’m tired of rearranging my life taking care of her entitled boy with not a word of thanks or a hint of appreciation. I’m tired of her whole crazy family. I’m tired of trying to make it work only to have her **** on me. I’m tired of her constant **** tests, disrespect and manipulations. I’m tired of no sex in the last ten months (just the occasional bj). I'm tired of death by a thousand cuts. I’m tired of all of it.
> My only concern now is my daughter.
> I know compared to the stories on this board, what I’ve been through seems like nothing, but I don’t want to live my life like this. I feel abused, disrespected, and taken advantage of. I’m done.


It is a great thing to have a low tolerance for crap. Welcome to the club!


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Tanget... I hope you two can work through this. Maybe see if she will be willing to go to counseling? If your up for it that is...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Tangent said:


> I think I’ve had enough. We’ve only been married for 13 months, and we have a 3 month old girl together, and she has an 11 year old boy whose father is non-existent. Neither of us cheated or physically abused each other, but this relationship is so unhealthy and negative I really feel like I’m done.
> You can see my other posts for examples of the sh*t testing and disrespect. Today she told me she “invested” $5000 in a scam and lost it. She had asked me if she could money into it, and I explained it was a pyramid scheme. I told her to treat it like gambling (only play what you can stand to lose) and that she could do $1000. Well, she did $5,000. When I got angry, mainly over disrespecting my wishes, she tried to throw it back at me. According to her we either do or don’t have joint finances depending upon whether it suits her argument/mood/situation. Legally we do have joint finances.
> I’m tired of rearranging my life taking care of her entitled boy with not a word of thanks or a hint of appreciation. I’m tired of her whole crazy family. I’m tired of trying to make it work only to have her **** on me. I’m tired of her constant **** tests, disrespect and manipulations. I’m tired of no sex in the last ten months (just the occasional bj). I'm tired of death by a thousand cuts. I’m tired of all of it.
> My only concern now is my daughter.
> I know compared to the stories on this board, what I’ve been through seems like nothing, but I don’t want to live my life like this. I feel abused, disrespected, and taken advantage of. I’m done.


10 months?? yikes.
I wouldnt be there either.

but yes i do think it is sad that she wants from you
when its convenient.
i am going through the same thing over here about convenience.
Its utter bullshet.
Dont live your life ewith her if you are miserable and she isnt working on her problems.

one thing you do need to understand however is that she is going through alot of unblanced hormones.
that is also difficult at this time for her too from just having the baby.
it will take her a bit before she is completely centered from the pregnancy and delivery.


----------



## Tangent (Apr 9, 2012)

Thanks for all of the kind words. The advice I am getting is all over the place. Men tend to say to move on and cut my losses, the women seem to be a bit more sympathetic. I don't like giving up on the marriage, raising my daughter in a broken home, but I doubt my wife will change. I saw the warning signs and ignored them. 

I'm only sleeping about 3 hours a night, and then I just lay there full of anxiety and racing/spiraling thoughts, bouncing between work stress and family stress (a sign of depression).

I have a consult with a shark lawyer this evening, and an appointment with her for a marriage counselor tomorrow....covering my bases I guess. For the lawyer, I'm more curious to learn about the process.

I'd like hear anything anyone has to offer on marriage counselling.


----------



## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

If you file for divorce, it dosent mean you have to follow thru with it, it can always be stopped..MC counselling why not try it,
You can tell her that " We need to work on OUR marriage together, I cant do it alone, will you help me?"

If she wont go, try IC for yourself to help you cope. 

some suggested reading for you
No more Mr nice guy ....take the test, its an eye opener 
Married mans Sex primer
Hold onto your nuts
the above will help with setting boundaries in your life and how to become the best man you can be.

for the both of you
the 5 love languages
his needs her needs


----------



## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Tangent said:


> Men tend to say to move on and cut my losses, the women seem to be a bit more sympathetic. I don't like giving up on the marriage, raising my daughter in a broken home, but I doubt my wife will change. I saw the warning signs and ignored them.


I use the logic that a lot of women use, if you are not happy, then pursue your happiness by leaving the marriage. 70 to 75% of divorces are a result of women not being happy in a marriage. Why shouldn't you be happy too? I was in a miserable marriage, but then my wife left (she was not 'happy'). I think we both ended up a lot happier in the end.



Tangent said:


> I have a consult with a shark lawyer this evening, and an appointment with her for a marriage counselor tomorrow....covering my bases I guess. For the lawyer, I'm more curious to learn about the process.


Be careful of the sharks, what can end up happening is that they are to aggressive and end up pissing off your stbx. Then the divorce becomes contested and the lawyers start to make $$ by keeping you mad at each other. Listen to what they have to say, but take the consult with a grain of salt.

In the mean time, consult the following thread on how to prepare for a divorce, from a Dad's point of view:Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum • View topic - THE LIST (Print It)

If you want a good divorce (is there such a thing?), you need to figure out what you want (custody, material stuff, cash, ect). Develop a strategy to get what you think is equitable, formulate a plan, and then execute your plan. Prior preparation prevents piss poor performance.



Tangent said:


> I'd like hear anything anyone has to offer on marriage counselling.


Counseling will only work if you BOTH want to fix the marriage. If she is only going because the "D" word was thrown out, she will be good for a while then most likely revert to her former pattern. 

If you can find a good MFT (marriage & family therapist), they can do a great job of getting you to see the problems and develop some strategies to work through them. Good Luck.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

67flh said:


> make sure while your "seperated" you seperate your financies or she will really drain you.


:iagree:

When you are separated...focus on protecting yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

Can i asked why you had a baby, was it planned or an accident?

And your baby is only 3 months old, well life is tough with a new born and very tiring, are you taking a full share of the responsibility?

As for the money that was totally irresponsible of her and should not be trusted with money, less it was her own and not joint then that is a different matter entirely. 

My estranged felt entitled to do things like that with my money (he was visiting to see the children) i once lent him my bank card to get shopping and he pulled a ton of money out of my account without asking.


----------



## Tangent (Apr 9, 2012)

We planned the baby. I know its tough...I do whatever I can (I can't breast feed her because she's spitting out hairs for hours if I do). We also have a lot of support (family/baby sitters etc). I watch her whenever I can and on Saturdays when my wife works, and together on Sundays.

The money was in a joint account. We had some in there from our wedding gifts, and from equity her sister paid her back on a real estate investment. She has treated the joint account as her own...putting it in and taking it out. In the last two months she's drained the joint account down to a fraction of what it was using the money to pay off her credit card debt (much of it business expenses, which should have been separate). She even had the gall to throw the fact that she has paid down a lot of her debt in my face-she was using our money to do it. The original amount was to be for a new house down payment. 

We've talked about this before-I wanted to work on our finances together and she didn't want that. I offered separate finances and a post nup, which of course she changed her tune. But on this one she's back to trying to say it was her money. This was the big on that made me realize that I need to split the finances, we don't have a physical relationship to speak of, and I'm just the chauffeur for my step-son, and a target of abuse, so what's the point? I really don't care too much about the money itself...just how she treats this so called marriage.


----------



## Tangent (Apr 9, 2012)

I've got the creeping feeling that this is appropriate "If you're sitting at a poker table wondering who the sucker is-it's you"


----------



## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

Tangent said:


> I've got the creeping feeling that this is appropriate "If you're sitting at a poker table wondering who the sucker is-it's you"


If you decide to go:

You have to batten down the hatches and protect yourself and your daughter. Shark lawyers can be tough. Dont get in fights over furniture or lawn mowers. Make it cut and dry. You can always buy more couches later. Your better off to retain your sanity and whats left of your checkbook.

Set up a safe place, get visitation settled right away, and work on yourself. Hit the gym, play some golf, whatever you enjoy. Lean on your close friends a bit, go out and have a cold beer now and then. Your going to feel like you just got out of emotional prison.

If you stay: 

Seek some MC right away. Sit and write down the issues and tackle them one by one. If she is willing to work on things you will know right away, and of course you have to be willing also.

Your in a tough position but the good thing is you are realizing this early on and not 20 years down the road.

Good luck with everything.


----------



## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

OP,Cyclist... has given you some great advice, listen to it! and............ " good thing is you are realizing this early"


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Tangent said:


> Thanks for all of the kind words. The advice I am getting is all over the place. Men tend to say to move on and cut my losses, the women seem to be a bit more sympathetic. I don't like giving up on the marriage, raising my daughter in a broken home, but I doubt my wife will change. I saw the warning signs and ignored them.
> 
> I'm only sleeping about 3 hours a night, and then I just lay there full of anxiety and racing/spiraling thoughts, bouncing between work stress and family stress (a sign of depression).
> 
> ...


You are both snappy. You are not getting enough sleep, how about your wife, is she sleeping?

Lack of sleep with make any one snappy and ****ty.


----------



## Tangent (Apr 9, 2012)

Lack of sleep was a short term and recent event caused by our fighting. We are a little sleep deprived because of the infant as well, but this pattern of behavior has been going on since I put the engagement ring on her finger. 

We have a disagreement, she says awful things to me, we have a blow up, and then it cools off and she's nice for a week or two, until the next disagreement. I don't mind disagreements, they are expected. I mind knowing that if I DO disagree, I will likely get dragged through the mud. 

We are trying counselling, but I don't have high hopes. She tries to put on the polite and deferential routine, but she can't help letting the dragon lady out once in a while. The last session she let loose on me and said I didn't plan for the future like other men. When I asked her what else she would like me to be planning, besides working to buy a house, paying down debt, investing in retirement, planning family vacations, increasing my life insurance and family health insurance, trying to improve her shop so she can sell it and even talking about what sports we would like the infant to do.It's just bullpucky, and completely out of the blue. 

What she means is I don't have a lot of money. I told her from the time we were dating she'd never be rich with me. I didn't marry her so I could be a slave for her and her son. The fact is, I don't really have any feelings of love for her after all of this. She's pretty, she's the mother of my child, that's about it-I've seen behind the curtain. I'm always on the ready for the next problem or piece of nastiness with her, and I can't enjoy life. I wish it was different. I just read the article about how children of divorced parents don't live as long. I want it to work out, I just don't have high hopes it will.


----------



## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

I was married to an extremely controlling, non-compromising wife for 14 months who was never satisfied. 

2.25ct ring? Needed to upgrade it to at least 3ct at 5 year anniversary. Wanted to live in a $350-$400k home even though she couldn't put anything into it.

Demanded joint accounts and then proceeded to drain it. Accused me of assaulting her when in fact she assaulted me. Called the police and said she was in fear of her life because I had guns in the home. Left the next day and took out the rest of my pre-marital funds. She said she was entitled to half and that if I didn't put my money back where it was, we were over. Sold my home in order to "move us forward" and she barley lifted a finger to help me get it ready but demanded we put the proceeds of the sale immediately into our joint checking account. All in all that 14 months cost me over $60k.

Coming up on finalizing the divorce. It'll be the happiest day of my life. I trust yours will as well.


----------



## scorpion31 (Sep 16, 2012)

that's sucks! all i can say is follow your heart. do the right thing and think of yourself first that will make you happy. if she ain't worth it then do something. both of you need to find peace and happiness. goodluck!


----------



## Tangent (Apr 9, 2012)

Well, it is now 5 years after I last posted here, and no change for the better in our relationship; I've just managed to hang on and deal with the issues, but I'm emotionally exhausted, and I'm tired of her creating complications and conflict where there is none. 

We now have two little ones together (3 and 5) and my stepson. The negative interactions outweigh the good 5 to 1. About a month ago, it got so bad that I just had to withdraw and think about things. I realized these patterns have been recurring since we met. 

We were supposed to see a counselor two weeks ago. Before leaving the house for the appointment, she asked me if I wanted to take separate cars (an ominous sign). The counselor failed to show up due to a scheduling error. We went to get a bite at a Mexican restaurant. 

Right after the chips were served, she said if I didn't quit smoking (I smoke cigars outside, take a shower and change my clothes after each time) and drinking (I drink beer), she wanted a divorce. I said that yes, I could quit those bad habits, but there were other areas of our marriage that we needed to work on as well. She said she had done everything to be a perfect wife and that she could not possibly do anything better. I said in that case, we do need a divorce.

She said that she didn't want my son or stepson to grow up with me as an example because they may grow up to be like me, and doesn't want my daughter to see her married to me because she may grow up to marry someone like me (a man who makes six figures, pays taxes, is a loving father and smokes cigars and drinks beer apparently). This was one of the most hurtful things that has ever been said to me. 

We talked calmly the next morning and she confirmed that she wanted a divorce and I agreed (again). 

It now appears this was a terrible bluff on her part, because she is now denying that those conversations took place as I remember them (I have been researching gas lighting, because it seems I only have a weak grasp of reality when it comes to her). At this point, I just want us to learn how to get along, even if we divorce, so that we can be decent parents. 

I could give hundreds of examples (if I could actually remember all of them) but here a few highlights:

1. We had agreed to travel to both of our extended families on Christmas day. That morning, as we pulled into my sister's house (where my parents were), she stated that we would only stay for a half hour. 

2. My mom was in the hospital for a few days. I told my wife I was going to spend some time with her and my wife wanted to come with me. I clarified that I would likely be there for 3 or 4 hours, and she agreed. The moment we parked at the hospital, she said we would leave after 15 minutes (see a pattern?)

3. Questions my work ethic repeatedly because I took a day off (for mental health). As I said, I make a good living. 

4. Has pushed me for another big vacation this year even though I thoroughly explained why we should not do it this year (finances are tight and we have big upcoming expenditures for the house, and need to improve our position for retirement). In six years, we have been to the DR, Costa Rica, Jamaica, Scotland and UK (3 weeks), Cancun, Florida, Vegas ( three times), Sedona, and numerous other small trips. We can take it easy for a year.

5. House hunting-nothing was good enough-it took me 18 months of spending countless hours per week looking for the "right" house.

6. The wedding blew up from an agreed upon small, family only, to a $30k+ fiasco.

7. She has called my mother to try to talk about intimate details in an attempt to triangulate and get me in line. I'm a middle aged man-give me a break already.

8. We have different value systems (she lies with ease and has no problem trying to pull one over on someone).

9. She constantly accuses me of letting mosquitos into the house (I am the only one who does so apparently-her elderly parents and our toddlers must have eagle eyes to not let any mosquitos in).

10. Taking the stance that me smoking a cigar outside (with the kids inside the house) is exposing them to second hand smoke. I've pointed out that she worked in a nail salon through two pregnancies, and watches the kids there to this day, exposing them to many chemical fumes, she refuses to acknowledge that there are any associated risks.

I know these may seem petty (I've kept a few more serious issues back from this post), but imagine these things happening constantly and consistently. It is driving me insane, and I just don't care anymore; I just want to salvage what we can for the children's sake.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Looks like you're more of the problem than she is.
Not because you're being a biotch, but because you're being a Nice Guy and letting her walk all over you. YOU can change that; you could have changed your marriage. In fact you were given advice five years ago that you didn't seem to have taken (reading No More Mr Nice Guy, etc.). I'll give examples.


Tangent said:


> 1. We had agreed to travel to both of our extended families on Christmas day. That morning, as we pulled into my sister's house (where my parents were), she stated that we would only stay for a half hour. [Your response: Ok, here's some money for a cab. The kids and I will be staying.]
> 
> 2. My mom was in the hospital for a few days. I told my wife I was going to spend some time with her and my wife wanted to come with me. I clarified that I would likely be there for 3 or 4 hours, and she agreed. The moment we parked at the hospital, she said we would leave after 15 minutes (see a pattern?). [Your response: Ok, here's money for a cab; call me when you get home. I'll probably be home by 10:30.]
> 
> ...


Are YOU seeing a pattern? She IS sh*t-testing you and you are failing every single one. Every one of those instances could have been handled with strength and she would have stopped doing them because she'd have been pleased that you stood up for yourself.

Do you understand what a sh*t test really is? It's where the woman does something crappy and waits for you to MAN UP and tell her to stop it. Instead, you just keep eating it and sucking it up and trying to please her. You're doing exactly the wrong thing. 

READ the book. Start saying no. Stop agreeing with her. Do what you want to do. Control the money. And start acting like the head of the family. Everything will change. And if you just divorce her, YOU will still be screwed up and you'll just marry another woman who sh*t-tests you and you'll be just as miserable and all the poorer for having been divorced with child support.


----------



## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

did you see your attorney yet?


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

You KNEW this was a **** show *5 years ago* when you posted here. You were ready to bail THEN and were talking about possible divorce.

So instead of following *through* and divorcing this train-wreck you call a wife back then, you swallowed your pride, gave into your fear, and chose to stay - and have ANOTHER kid on top of it.

Gosh, what a _surprise_ that nothing's changed in 5 years and you're still miserable. 

I guess I'll look forward to another update post 5 years from now where you'll tell us you STILL haven't done a damned thing to change your situation, that you're still too afraid of your own shadow to show yourself any self respect and divorce Miss thang, and you'll probably have even* more* kids on top of it.

Well played. :slap:


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Start living life for you. Get in the best shape of your life. Drop the bad habits. Go buy that fun sports car/truck that you've been wanting. Go buy that Tag or Rolex. Stop worrying about her. I'm dealing with a similar issue in my life now and I just have to keep me focused as #1. I can't control her and she can't control me. If it doesn't work out, at least I'll be in a better position.

To me it sounds like you're wasting time until the kids get a little older and easier to manage. I waited until my two kids were in grade school and pulled the plug. Don't get me wrong, summers, days off, etc makes it hard to fit in kids and work. It actually sucks and consumes my mind every day. But it beats being married and sharing the same bed with a woman you hate and pray will fall over from a heart attack each day.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Women only test you when they aren't happy with you, which from your description sounds like your whole relationship. By not divorcing early on and having a second kid with her you just dug yourself into a much worse financial hole if you divorce and extended your personal misery. How about you take some action and quit the talking/arguments with her. File for divorce and let HER be the one to change if she wants to stay married to you. The biggest position of strength you have is by being willing to walk and never look back. If she knows you are serious then she can do the heavy lifting to be the partner you deserve if she wants to stay married to you. If not, then show her the door.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

You sir must take the first step in dissolving this marriage. And I mean handing your W the D papers. Then and only then may she listen up and correct the marriage or accept it allowing the proceedings to begin. If your W picks #2, then you know where you stand. A rough neck with a paycheck. You will still be a rough neck with a paycheck after D but the difference is you will not have to put up with nonsense such as being accused of allowing mosquitoes in the house and its only you allowing them in.


----------



## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Tangent said:


> Well, it is now 5 years after I last posted here, and no change for the better in our relationship;


At least you came back and gave everyone an update. That usually doesn't happen. 

I won't pile on because it's you who has to deal with the consequences of your decision to stay.


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Tangent,

What would you say to a friend who had to endure what you endured?

I don't think you would tell him to stay.

Given all the lying she does, you might never have a hint if she was cheating because she is an expert at being dishonest.

Get out before her horrible lifestyle bankrupts you and your families financial future.

Tamat


----------



## lonleybride (Oct 13, 2017)

I am a woman, so I hope it's ok I respond.

I am rarely one to ever advocate for divorce, but it does seem as though you have really given this your best shot. If you still want to try to save it, would your wife be open to reading any books? 

-Fascinating Womanhood- Helen Andelin
-Love and Respect
-the Surrendered Wife 

Your wife seems to be extremely contemptuous and disrespectful, and these books are geared more towards that. The first and the third tend to be a little bit old fashioned, some complaints from women that I've heard are they sound like they are written by a 50's housewife. Well... one has. But I think the principles still apply today. 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Have you read His Needs Her Needs and Love Busters by Dr. Willard Harley? 

Had your wife read Love Busters, she would not have spent more money than the $1000 you agreed with. In fact, you would have been able to tell her that you disagree with her spending even $1000, but suggested a smaller amount. If she couldn't agree, then she couldn't spend anything.

Those two books could help put the two of you on the same page, if you (and she) want to remain married.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Just think had you actually taken your advice 5 years ago how much happier you might have been...either on your own or with someone else. 
But in the end you caved and your are no better today then you were 5 years ago...see you in another five years when you have more kids, and more headaches with the wife.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Tangent said:


> Well, it is now 5 years after I last posted here, and no change for the better in our relationship; I've just managed to hang on and deal with the issues, but I'm emotionally exhausted, and I'm tired of her creating complications and conflict where there is none.
> 
> We now have two little ones together (3 and 5) and my stepson. The negative interactions outweigh the good 5 to 1. About a month ago, it got so bad that I just had to withdraw and think about things. I realized these patterns have been recurring since we met.
> 
> ...


Here's a perfect Halloween costume for you.










And here's a little something personal you can give her for the Holidays.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Ah, Yes...

You are done..

She got up on the stage..
She got up on the counter..
She got up on her soapbox..

She bellowed, she roared..
The Lady, the fat-headed Lady has sung..

Sung her farewell Dirge.
The Swan Song


----------



## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Always be extremely wary of single mothers, 9 times out of 10, they're just looking for financial support and they'll be whatever you need them to be until they get the wedding and/or baby tying you to them, then the true colors show. If you date long enough red flags will pop up warning you, but you have to look for them.


----------

