# Don't know how I got here.. pre-wedding doubts, is this normal?



## dazed n confused (Feb 12, 2011)

Hi! I'm due to get married in about 9 months and I feel as though I should be more excited about it. We have been together for 4 years, living together and engaged for 2. I have my dress, we have a date, venue ext already but those are the main plans comlpeted. I work full time and am finishing grad school in the next few months, and then wedding is in another state. I seem to be full of angst lately. I have been pushing away intimacy and frustrated easily about everything. I don't know if this behavior is normal or not. I am stressed and exhausted, have talked about this but got a note from my other half that he feels like things are off and wants to fix them. Says we are just co-existing together and our relationship has always been easy and we get along great. I don't know if any of this stuff is just anxiety in general about such a committment or if this is something bigger than that. I do love him and I don't want to walk away, I just am confused. 

He hasn't done much of anything with the planning, and it seems like such a big task right now with so much on my plate. It bothers me that I ask him if he can do something and he says I have to email him to remind him instead of just figuring out a way to remember. We don't disagree on religion, money, children or anything like that. He does help with the dishes and cooking sometimes. I get just get so frustrated when he leaves dishes outside the sink instead of in it, leaves stuff laying around, takes stuff out to do something and then only cleans up half of it.. I have also been having bad headaches regularly so I'm sensitive to everything and edgy. I've told him this stuff annoys me, and I think once grad school is over a lot of this will go away, at least I hope. 

Am I just exhausted and so stressed out I am checked out?! How do I talk to him so he hears what I am saying? Please help with your thoughts!


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You DO have a lot on your plate, so it's perfectly natural to feel stressed out. You have to trust your gut instincts on this one.

About a zillion years ago, I found myself walking down the street during my lunch break (four months before my wedding) and it suddenly hit me that it wasn't going to work out. There was no specific reason for it, just my instincts kicking in. I tried to rationalize that I'd spent all the money on the caterer, had the guest list completed, had ordered the invitations, blah, blah, blah.

Five years later, just before our fifth wedding anniversary, I walked. My husband wasn't a bad guy. In fact, he was one of the good ones. Nevertheless, he wasn't the right one for me. In hindsight today, I realized that I had a lot of growing up to do. Heck, I was 23 and I didn't exactly have a lot of experience with men. 

Sometimes it's just stress, sometimes it's the timing, and sometimes, no matter how great the other person is, he's just not right for you.

Take some time to relax and talk this out with a close friend. It could be pre-wedding jitters. Only you can decide ...


----------



## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

With all that you've got going on, it could very well be stress. That you're asking has me wondering if there may be more there than meets the eye, however.

I want to caution you...you won't find the person that will do *nothing* to annoy you. You have to decide if leaving dishes outside the sink instead of inside it is a deal breaker. And it's not that the dishes are left outside the sink, it's what that *really* means. But you just won't find someone that doesn't have their own way of doing something that is different than yours, hence the annoyment.


----------

