# Was Cheated On Now Have Thoughts of Cheating Myself



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

So I posted my story of being cheated on by my wife years ago. Now 3 years or so after D, I'm in a new relationship where I get treated great, no worries of infidelity but I'm finding myself feeling suffocated. After D I lived alone (had my kids every other week) and got used to being single. I actually got to enjoy it very much. I did what I wanted, watched what I wanted to on TV, ate what I wanted, felt good to be independent with no residual pain from D. Me and ex get along great as far as custody of the kids. She met someone new and is engaged. We both moved on.

About a year ago I met someone who is attractive, treats me great, treats my kids great, and her family is great. We see each other often but don't live together. Only thing is she's a little bigger than what I'm used to. She's not fat, just not slim figured like my past significant others. She has stayed overnight here and there and I'm ok but recently she stayed for an extended weekend and I felt suffocated. I don't know why. She cooks, cleans, is responsible, has a job, pays for her share, is extremely generous in all areas and infidelity is a non-issue. But it doesn't feel right to me. I'm not used to it.

So I find myself wondering if I'd feel better staying single and just hooking up with random girls or developing a FWB scenario with someone. I have also developed thoughts of cheating on her with slimmer more attractive girls and I don't know why.

Does this have to do with being cheated on and seeing my ex come out of this relatively unscathed? Does this have to do with my previous taste in women? Why am I feeling this way now that I finally found someone that is everything my ex wasn't?


----------



## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Time to split up. Don't cheat. Move on from this relationship. Let this gal be free to find someone who can be faithful to her and is crazy about her.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You are not attracted to this woman,if you were you wouldn’t be contemplating cheating on her.
Break up with her,you are not being fair to her by stringing her along.
A word to the wise though.I haven’t read your other thread so I don’t know how old you are but remember this.Your days of attracting young,slim beautiful women may be a thing of the past.
I’m not telling you to settle but you have found a kind,empathetic woman who other than not being skinny meets all of your emotional and physical needs.There are a lot of men,especially on this forum who would gladly take what you have and cherish it.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

You're not in love with her and you sound like you won't be. There's nothing wrong with realizing you picked the wrong woman, especially since you haven't married her. Time to be mature and end it.


----------



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

Well let me ask this from a different angle. Is it possible I am so used to being treated badly that this new type of relationship is foreign to me? Each of my past relationships had the same M.O. Girls are relatively slim, have nice figures, attractive face but treated me lousy. I was the giver and rarely got anything in return. Now I meet someone that is opposite of that and I don't know how to receive it. Is that a possibility? I don't want to throw away a relationship with someone that could last a lifetime because of my previous ones.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

SF-FAN said:


> Well let me ask this from a different angle. Is it possible I am so used to being treated badly that this new type of relationship is foreign to me? Each of my past relationships had the same M.O. Girls are relatively slim, have nice figures, attractive face but treated me lousy. I was the giver and rarely got anything in return. Now I meet someone that is opposite of that and I don't know how to receive it. Is that a possibility? I don't want to throw away a relationship with someone that could last a lifetime because of my previous ones.


You are on to something, something larger than life.

On Slim:

A slim pretty woman.

Slim, this she, does not have to work hard for her supper. She smiles, tosses back her hair, sticks one leg out and crosses one knee with the other.
She poses.

She is sure, cocksure of herself. Sure that your **** will desire her.

Not needing to be honest, she is just skimming along life's living pond.
Not deep skimming, just on the surface, looking for stares.

She has few worries or less worries.

Lose one, oh gee, another one will be along in a second.

He will tell her how pretty and slim she is. 
How valuable she is.
How good she is in bed.

How he loves her.

Being skinny does not mean being disloyal, it means loyalty is weighted heavily in her favor, not her lovers.

When she loses, the next man will carry her water and her baggage, without fail, without fanfare.

When she walks down the street, she gets whistles. 
So do you when she whistles for you. C'mon boy, heel, get to it.


On full bodied:

She has curves on curves, each and everyone warm and yours. 
When she removes her clothes she has to pull them over her beauty.

The slim one just needs to un-snap, the clothes fall straight down. 
She having not a curve in the road.

On a cold night the slim one is cold, the full bodied one wraps her heat around you.

When the slim one holds you tight it is like holding a decorative board.

When the full-bodied one holds you tight, she holds your front and wrapping herself half way around your back.

When you view a slim one without clothes, you see all in one minute.
When the view a full-bodied one, you never see it all, night after night.

When you prepare a great meal, the slim one picks at her food, the full bodied one finishes her plate.
She then licks your lips clean.


I kept this one clean, Thank me very much.


The Typist I-

............................................................................

Ach! You woke him up!

Note: The Typist I, likes em' all. 


Lilith-


----------



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

It's not necessarily just about the body type because my new GF is not fat. She is about 10-15 lbs from being a "hot" slim but has trouble with dieting and working out. It has more to do with the way I am treated. In a way I don't feel like I deserve it. It feels odd being waited on, being catered to, like I said before it's foreign. She likes cuddling, spending time together, I am high on her priority list where none of that applied in the past. It's weird and wholesome to me. I don't know how to receive it. I don't know how to feel ok with it.


----------



## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

I LOVE your take on it, SunCMars. 

I can't help but be offended for all women by the OP's attitude. My X said in a hostile manner that I was obsessed with my weight. It is this attitude from you and so many others that got me that way (including him!)

I imagine that the gf was once "perfect" in body like me and yet is still loving and everything a man could ever want. I mean 10-15 pounds? Why even mention that? I really feel sorry for her that you are so above dating someone so horribly disfigured. What happens when she gains another 10? She's too good for you. That's why you don't know how to receive it. You realize how shallow and selfish you are. Skinny must've known it too.

Wow, you've pissed me off, stranger. I realize I could've misconstrued your few sentences but what the hell. No wonder 99.99% of women have eating disorders. Is there any more a man could possibly want?


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

> ....




If you look closely, those are bite marks. 
I bit my tongue four times.

Well, in truth Lilith poked me four times with her red-nailed index finger.

She made me delete my words, leaving their crumbs for all to observe.

Ugh, she is my Jimminy Cricket conscience.

Yes, SF-Fan needs to leave this woman. Such a fine one she is.
San Francisco does not raise men right, they raise them left.

Or so it seems....



The Typist I-


----------



## NorseViking (Apr 14, 2018)

SF-FAN said:


> So I posted my story of being cheated on by my wife years ago.
> 
> Me and ex get along great as far as custody of the kids.
> She met someone new and is engaged.
> ...


Did your Ex tell her new man about her cheating?
Will you inform him about your Ex's cheating?


----------



## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> You are not attracted to this woman,if you were you wouldn’t be contemplating cheating on her.
> Break up with her,you are not being fair to her by stringing her along.
> A word to the wise though.I haven’t read your other thread so I don’t know how old you are but remember this.Your days of attracting young,slim beautiful women may be a thing of the past.
> I’m not telling you to settle but you have found a kind,empathetic woman who other than not being skinny meets all of your emotional and physical needs.*There are a lot of men,especially on this forum who would gladly take what you have and cherish it.*


QFT. OP, your used to dealing with the "I KNOW I'm beautiful and your a sack O **** I can replace" attitude that SOME of the hot woman have.

Don't cheat, don't inflict that pain on someone else. If you can't get your head straight, be kind and let her go.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

SF-FAN said:


> Well let me ask this from a different angle. Is it possible I am so used to being treated badly that this new type of relationship is foreign to me? Each of my past relationships had the same M.O. Girls are relatively slim, have nice figures, attractive face but treated me lousy. I was the giver and rarely got anything in return. Now I meet someone that is opposite of that and I don't know how to receive it. Is that a possibility? I don't want to throw away a relationship with someone that could last a lifetime because of my previous ones.


The reasons don’t really matter. Get out of analysis paralysis and figure all this out on your own time, not hers.


----------



## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

You need IC to learn how to pick a woman and have a healthy relationship.


----------



## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

OP, I am trying not to be judgemental here, because you must of been thru hell and back with your ex wife cheating and treating you terribly. 

Nonetheless, that does not give you a good excuse to harm someone else. 

You need therapy, you need help dealing with the baggage. That is understandable. Don't get involved with any more women until you have healed. 

Let this woman go and find someone else who can treat her like the prize she is. 

(10-15 lbs?!?!?)

......


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Female perspective: Young, slim, and beautiful does not automatically exclude or include loving and giving--and vice versa. Don't let looks blind you to character, values, and/or selflessness.

What kind of person do you want to share your life with?


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

SF-FAN said:


> Well let me ask this from a different angle. Is it possible I am so used to being treated badly that this new type of relationship is foreign to me? Each of my past relationships had the same M.O. Girls are relatively slim, have nice figures, attractive face but treated me lousy. I was the giver and rarely got anything in return. Now I meet someone that is opposite of that and I don't know how to receive it. Is that a possibility? I don't want to throw away a relationship with someone that could last a lifetime because of my previous ones.


Yes, it could have made you cold and jealous. I mean, why can't you have a pretty face attached to a slim sexy body and a responsible personality? 

Everyone has preferences. Just don't lead this woman on any longer. It seems like you need to get out there and date. Just find out who is out there and what you want to do. 

You'll have to talk to some professional to find the answers to your questions or just live. One might be quicker than the other. 

Maybe you are just feeling selfish because you were not treated well in your marriage? Maybe you want your wife, but with a different personality? 

That's unrealistic, but it is understandable since she has found someone she wants to commit for her life. Does it mean she has changed? Has she become that woman you dream about? It's unlikely, but who knows? 

If your goal is to figure that out, then you need to do something soon. No sense in letting life pass you by. You might find the woman you truly desire, and who knows what she will look like? No one does, but don't settle for a woman you don't really desire.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

SF-FAN said:


> Well let me ask this from a different angle. Is it possible I am so used to being treated badly that this new type of relationship is foreign to me? Each of my past relationships had the same M.O. Girls are relatively slim, have nice figures, attractive face but treated me lousy. I was the giver and rarely got anything in return. Now I meet someone that is opposite of that and I don't know how to receive it. Is that a possibility? I don't want to throw away a relationship with someone that could last a lifetime because of my previous ones.


This is a big fat yes. I have been where you are. 

Now look, if she is not for you, then she is not for you. That is the bottom line. 

But there are several things that you should know:

1) Sleeping around gets old at whatever age, it just gets old. Been there done that. But if you are wanting to cheat, man cut her loose. 

2) If you are at the point that you cannot survive without being cheated on and treated like crap and you want to have all of that drama. Then dude, you need therapy. 

3) Sometimes when you are used to things going wrong, when it is not, you are looking around and for the other shoe to drop. You are waiting for something to go wrong. Man, this is not way to live. Again, if this is what you are feeling you need therapy. 

Listen, I am older than you, and I have had way more than my share of women, been married, raised 3 kids, the whole bit. When I was first with my current GF, I just could not believe it and even then, there was a part of me that was waiting for something to happen. It did not. 

Now, yeah she is a beauty, and she is GREAT in bed, but it is none of that THAT makes me love her so much and feel so good in the relationship. 

Dude, it is the way that SHE loves me. Everything that I give to her, she gives me more. I cannot out love her, because she will return that love and more right back to me. 

It is the way that she touches me, not sex, just affection, just her touch is filled with love. It is like some type of electricity coming through her fingers. 

The thing is that GOOD women are hard to find, and if you have a good one, think about it before you make a change. 

Now if she is not it, then she is not it, ok fine. But if it is just because you miss the crazy drama, I am just saying think about it.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

SF-FAN said:


> It's not necessarily just about the body type because my new GF is not fat. She is about 10-15 lbs from being a "hot" slim but has trouble with dieting and working out. It has more to do with the way I am treated. In a way I don't feel like I deserve it. It feels odd being waited on, being catered to, like I said before it's foreign. She likes cuddling, spending time together, I am high on her priority list where none of that applied in the past. It's weird and wholesome to me. I don't know how to receive it. I don't know how to feel ok with it.


Get counselling. And Get it soon.


----------



## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

With your obsession about your GF not being skinny and your concern that she treats you nice, it sounds like you are concerned that you are with someone beneath you on the desirability scale. Don't take this too badly, OP, but you sound insecure. Guys I know that obsess over their GF's appearance are usually concerned with how it reflects on them socially.


----------



## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

It is possible that after being in a bad marriage, and enjoying living the single life for a while, that you are not ready for someone to invade your space. Unless you just do not see a future with your current girlfriend, why not slow things down, and see if that changes how you feel? 

She doesn't have to stay for extended weekends. If you enjoy her staying the night, but not the weekend, then keep it at a night. Give yourself time to get used to someone else sharing your space. Give yourself time to figure out why you feel the way you do. There is no need to end things, as long as you talk to her and explain why you need to take things slow. 

Be honest. For example: Tell her that you feel like maybe you don't deserve to be treated so well, because you are used to women who are manipulative and unfaithful, and you don't know how to blindly trust someone because of that. Tell her that after being in a bad marriage, you can sometimes feel overwhelmed, and need time alone once in a while. Tell her you don't want to rush into anything too serious with her, because you just aren't ready for that kind of emotional commitment yet. It really isn't a bad thing to tell someone, "I enjoy your company, but sometimes I just need my space." If she is the good woman you say she is, she will understand. 

If you really don't see a future with her, then end things. If it is just fear, and the past haunting you, slow things down, and see how it goes. Whatever you do, don't be unfaithful or lie. You know how it feels to be on the receiving end, so don't be the one who doles it out.


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

SF-FAN said:


> Now 3 years or so after D, *I'm in a new relationship where I get treated great, no worries of infidelity* but I'm finding myself feeling suffocated...


No Worries?

Hmmmm... How quickly they forget. The farce is strong in this one.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

On this infidelity thing......

It comes from picking entitled slim Janes.
It comes from having a preference for arm candy.
It comes from eyes that over power common sense.
It comes from the one eye in the little noggin overpowering the binocular vision of the bigger head.
It comes from vanity, not proper valuation of your partner.
It comes from an afflicted 7th house, or Venus afflicted.
It comes from a hunger within you for the wandering types. 

Your preferred types are fleeting, coy, feminine... Slim, long legged and narrow shouldered.
Their ravenous feelings do not show until they get bored with you.

You likely are an analyzer, an intellectual.
They eventually lose interest, lose heat for you.
They want a hotter man, one who maintains the aura of sensual, never going cool.

Yes, you are cool.
This is not a dig, it is something you must warm up to.

Most women want a warm man, not an analyst. 
Not a [redacted].

It takes two to heat a marriage. One will do, until they tire, they too go cool.
Then you are cold toast.





King Brian-


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

SF-FAN said:


> It's not necessarily just about the body type because my new GF is not fat. She is about 10-15 lbs from being a "hot" slim but has trouble with dieting and working out. It has more to do with the way I am treated. In a way I don't feel like I deserve it. It feels odd being waited on, being catered to, like I said before it's foreign. She likes cuddling, spending time together, I am high on her priority list where none of that applied in the past. It's weird and wholesome to me. I don't know how to receive it. I don't know how to feel ok with it.


Obviously your previous relationship(s) messed you up. See IC.


----------



## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

bluespower said:


> ...
> 
> 2) if you are at the point that you cannot survive without being cheated on and treated like crap and you want to have all of that drama. Then dude, you need therapy.
> 
> 3) sometimes when you are used to things going wrong, when it is not, you are looking around and for the other shoe to drop. You are waiting for something to go wrong. Man, this is not way to live. Again, if this is what you are feeling you need therapy.


this.^^^


----------



## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

Why in the world would you even consider cheating on this woman. How did it make you feel when you were cheated on by your ex? This woman doesn't live with you, so if she's not the one it would be pretty easy to break it off. She sounds like a good one - don't string her along if she's not what you want. It sounds to me like you're bordering on being a cake eater. Keeping this one around and playing the field to see if you can find something better. That's pretty screwed up.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I don't think your issue is your baggage from previous relationships, but really that you just aren't that into this woman and are struggling internally about whether that is a good enough reason to break up with her. You also have insecurities about whether you'll find someone better if you end your relationship with her and aren't sure if you want to take the gamble. If you were honest with yourself you'd admit that what you really want is a slim/attractive woman that treats you well and you've only got part of that equation, so she's not the one for you. It's OK to be honest and admit you aren't attracted enough to her to stay with her long term. There is nothing wrong with not staying with someone that is overweight (even if they are a nice person) because you aren't attracted to them, especially when you aren't really committed (i.e. married). If I were you I'd just break up with her. If she asks why you should be honest with her and tell her you aren't attracted to her enough to progress the relationship and you don't want to waste her time. Remember, either person has the right to end the relationship at any time for any reason and you don't have to justify yourself for it. But you should be honest with yourself about your superficiality and accept that it is part of who you are. I'm superficial too and I readily admit it, just like I admit my other good and bad qualities. That is because I know myself and am secure with who I am, and if I wasn't happy with myself I'd change those things I didn't like.


----------



## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

If she was PERFECT 10 you would probably STILL feel suffocated. 

You are looking for ANY WAY OUT. 

this is an internal issue. YOU DONT DESERVE THIS WOMAN. nope, reason why is you are zeroing in on all HER FLAWS all that is NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR YOU. 

you, YOU, YOU YOU!!!! 

you are gosh darn selfish in the method and train of thoughts you have. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. and you are 100% right. YOU DONT DESERVE HER. 

15lbs IS NOT SOMETHING A MAN SHOULD FAULT A WOMAN OVER. 

Get a swizzle stick.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

She may be a perfectly lovely woman, inside and out, but that doesn't mean she's the right match for you. When I was seeking I found many perfectly nice men that I enjoyed being with very much and had great sex with, but something was "off". Nothing definable, but something inside me told me that those men, no matter how lovely, weren't right for me. Thankfully, I listened to instincts and moved on to find a perfectly lovely man who was right for me.

Some people are happy in relationships where they are their partner's main focus. Some people are happier with a little bit of ...distance. Maybe you're the kind of guy who likes a bit of space.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

threelittlestars said:


> If she was PERFECT 10 you would probably STILL feel suffocated.
> 
> You are looking for ANY WAY OUT.
> 
> ...


Why not? He's free to be as superficial as he wants, same as she does. Heck, if he only wanted to date 103 lb women with purple hair and green eyes, he's free to feel that way and not have relationships with anyone that doesn't fit his ideal. Equally any woman is free to only date guys that are 6'3", 210 lbs with 12% body fat, and seven figure salaries, if that is what they want. I wouldn't shame him for it as long as he's comfortable with who he is and the limitations he's imposing on himself. The big thing that he is lacking is honesty with himself and the woman, and that is something that needs to be corrected for both their sake.


----------



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

All valid points and some brought up my ex's current relationship, which doesn't have much to do with anything. But yes, her new fiance does know about her infidelity and him and I get along pretty well. The ex and I have children together so we have to keep in contact and are pretty civil. She treats her fiance like she treated me, she'll never change and I am glad I no longer have to deal with that. They are getting married soon and I truly hope it goes the distance because he's good to my kids and that's all that matters to me. I don't want her jumping from relationship to relationship because that affects my kids.

On another note regarding my new gf, she's a few years younger than me and though mature, her immaturity shows when it comes to me and the ex communicating about the kids. She hates the fact that we see my ex at the kids' events and that my ex and I communicate about the kids from time to time. The ex and I don't text or talk often at all but if/when we do when my gf is around, her mood instantly changes. It's civil, it's not overly friendly or inappropriate and it's quick and to the point but she comes from the school of thought that exes should hate each other and never talk again. I've told her time and time again I'd never ever go back with my ex but to no avail. If I still had feelings for my ex I would have never gotten with anyone and would have waited out her relationship. I don't know what more to say and to re-assure her. That's a big sticking point.

And believe it or not, I am not insecure after being cheated on. I feel that if my significant other is being distant and underhanded I'll move on. I'm not going to drag it out like I did with my ex. I'm not going to become a detective or attempt to look at their phone or social media. I wasted too much time and emotion on that. Never again so I'm not afraid to be cheated on anymore. D nearly killed me but it made me stronger than I've ever been.


----------



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

Bananapeel said:


> Why not? He's free to be as superficial as he wants, same as she does. Heck, if he only wanted to date 103 lb women with purple hair and green eyes, he's free to feel that way and not have relationships with anyone that doesn't fit his ideal. Equally any woman is free to only date guys that are 6'3", 210 lbs with 12% body fat, and seven figure salaries, if that is what they want. I wouldn't shame him for it as long as he's comfortable with who he is and the limitations he's imposing on himself. The big thing that he is lacking is honesty with himself and the woman, and that is something that needs to be corrected for both their sake.


I am being superficial, I understand that. I'm not running away from that. And that is something I'm wrestling myself with. I know looks will fade and don't know why I'm so into that. I know being single and sleeping around will get old also. My gf is pretty and does get hit on by other guys so it's not that I need a trophy on my arm. I don't know what it is and that's why I posted on here; to get some insight from others. When it comes down to it, I've never cheated and would never cheat on my gf but am trying to get to the root of my feelings.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

On a scale of 1-10 how would you objectively rate and how would she rate based on looks? What about other characteristics? How would each of you rate on success/careers? Just trying to see if there is a mismatch between you two.


----------



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

Bananapeel said:


> On a scale of 1-10 how would you objectively rate and how would she rate based on looks? What about other characteristics? How would each of you rate on success/careers? Just trying to see if there is a mismatch between you two.


Honestly her looks are about a 7. If she lost a little weight she'd easily be an 8 or even a 9. I rate myself as a 6 or 7. Personality wise she's easily a 9/10. Her immaturity and neediness are her only downfall. Personality wise I'm a 6/7. I have issues as well as you can see. She doesn't have a career but she has a good job and saves her money. Her parents are well off so she has financial support if ever needed. I have a good job also and am still working on my career. We're both pretty financially sound.


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

So even though she isn't what you are currently looking for you're the one that is dating up and she's the one dating down. 

For you to attract a better woman you'd probably have to improve your looks, personality, or success, but otherwise she is probably the best you can get at the moment, which is why you are hesitant on ending things with her even though there are things about her that you don't really like.


----------



## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Here's the rub.... She does dote on you hand and foot. And you see that as being trapped and confined no? She obviously sees the good in you that she feels "safe" enough to engage in that type of unrestricted behavior. I mean seriously, she does know about your past....Right?

I would think that she would be good for you and you have a good candidate for listening as well. Why not kindly, ask her to "SLOW DOWN" and respect your space...Your not married yet, she should be able to see that. Why not just have a good "sit down and talk and listen session". Lay it down, gently. But lay it down. Honesty is the best policy. 

And I would hope, that in time, your relationship flourishes and grows. Your "7" just became a "10". Hey, we can all be dreamers you know....


----------



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

Bananapeel said:


> So even though she isn't what you are currently looking for you're the one that is dating up and she's the one dating down.
> 
> For you to attract a better woman you'd probably have to improve your looks, personality, or success, but otherwise she is probably the best you can get at the moment, which is why you are hesitant on ending things with her even though there are things about her that you don't really like.


She's not necessarily dating down as much as my confidence and self-esteem is sky high now. After the D, I started working out and am in good shape, I have my own home, nice car and am confident. I am 40 but look 30. I'm of the opinion that there are plenty of fish in the sea and if she doesn't want me, someone else will. Her confidence is not so high, likely due to her weight. She's younger, still lives with her parents and has a hard time working out and doesn't have much will power. Though guys hit on her she doesn't see how pretty she actually is.

I can attract a "hot" girl no problem. The problem is what the "hot" girl will bring with her. A jealous ex? Other guys hitting on her constantly? Fear of infidelity? Treats my kids bad, doesn't cook, doesn't clean, doesn't dote on me, etc.

To be completely honest, the D totally transformed me. I'm not rushing to settle down. I enjoyed my freedom and don't want to give it up, BUT how long am I going to enjoy it for? This girl won't wait around and I wouldn't expect her to. Will I pass on a great girl to enjoy freedom a few more years to find myself lonely and with few prospects?


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Don't let fear rule your life. Instead of thinking of the negatives of leaving, think about the positives you'd miss out on if you stayed with a woman that isn't the right one for you. For example, you're risking missing out on finding the woman that is the complete package by settling for your current GF. You're risking missing out on being truly in love with your partner by staying with your current GF. You're risking self disappointment by knowing you settled and stayed with your current GF. etc.


----------



## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

SF-FAN, why were you always attracted to girls or women who treated you bad? There are women who are very slim/very attractive who also are nice to their men. So you find a certain body type attractive apparently. No big deal. But that is only half of the equation. You also find a certain personality type attractive apparently, too. One that treats you bad. I have seen men (and women, even more with women) who seem to always pick the same types of women/men. I do believe there is a reason, most likely originating from when you were much younger.


----------



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

OutofRetirement said:


> SF-FAN, why were you always attracted to girls or women who treated you bad? There are women who are very slim/very attractive who also are nice to their men. So you find a certain body type attractive apparently. No big deal. But that is only half of the equation. You also find a certain personality type attractive apparently, too. One that treats you bad. I have seen men (and women, even more with women) who seem to always pick the same types of women/men. I do believe there is a reason, most likely originating from when you were much younger.


I don't know how to answer that question. I think it's because I used to tolerate a lot. I'd meet a girl, she'd see that she could do pretty much anything and I wouldn't leave. I'd just get mad which wouldn't last long so not much consequences. That's how it used to be. I wouldn't tolerate that now. As I mentioned before, D made me into a much stronger person. 

Many "hot" women know they have options so they treat men bad. Not all, but most. The ones with great personalities are hard to find.


----------



## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

SF-FAN What was it that attracted you to her? Who talked to who first? I think you should think about this very hard and it seems like you may,can have a very good female, girl friend etc that cares and maybe even love you


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

SF-FAN said:


> It's not necessarily just about the body type because my new GF is not fat. She is about 10-15 lbs from being a "hot" slim but has trouble with dieting and working out. It has more to do with the way I am treated. In a way I don't feel like I deserve it. It feels odd being waited on, being catered to, like I said before it's foreign. She likes cuddling, spending time together, I am high on her priority list where none of that applied in the past. It's weird and wholesome to me. I don't know how to receive it. I don't know how to feel ok with it.


Ive not read any further but I'm going to take a different angle than what has been posted so far. You are broken. Don't feel bad, so are most of us here. Probably all of us. That's why we are here. What you are contemplating is called self inflicted wounds as a means to an end that you have already made up in your mind is bound to happen. Its a self fulfilling prophecy. Where every relationship must end badly, because you think you aren't worth it. So when someone comes along that questions your belief in this, it's your job then to make sure you are right. Basically, you are going to prove it to yourself and everyone else that you are indeed not worth it. So you want to go out and cheat. 

Every post ive read says you don't love her enough (granted I didn't read them all). I would turn that around and say its your love for yourself that is the real problem here. Until you fix that issue, all of your relationships are doomed. No matter how great of a woman you find.


----------



## Steelman (Mar 5, 2018)

SF-FAN said:


> So I posted my story of being cheated on by my wife years ago. Now 3 years or so after D, I'm in a new relationship where I get treated great, no worries of infidelity but I'm finding myself feeling suffocated. After D I lived alone (had my kids every other week) and got used to being single. I actually got to enjoy it very much. I did what I wanted, watched what I wanted to on TV, ate what I wanted, felt good to be independent with no residual pain from D. Me and ex get along great as far as custody of the kids. She met someone new and is engaged. We both moved on.
> 
> About a year ago I met someone who is attractive, treats me great, treats my kids great, and her family is great. We see each other often but don't live together. Only thing is she's a little bigger than what I'm used to. She's not fat, just not slim figured like my past significant others. She has stayed overnight here and there and I'm ok but recently she stayed for an extended weekend and I felt suffocated. I don't know why. She cooks, cleans, is responsible, has a job, pays for her share, is extremely generous in all areas and infidelity is a non-issue. But it doesn't feel right to me. I'm not used to it.
> 
> ...


You just aren't all that attracted to her. She's just "there". Move on and don't hurt her by cheating. 

After my divorce, I met a couple great girls. Banged me silly, which was something I wasn't used to quite frankly. But I just wasn't attracted to them. Kind of like you- I was always looking around. So instead of continuing the charade and hurting them later, I moved on.


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

SF-Fan; It is not the new relationship, it is you that is still reacting to the betrayal. You do not at this time want anyone too close. It is a defense mechanism. This may be too soon for you, and I would recommend cooling it to an extent, and getting more comfortable in your own skin. The psychological changes brought about by infidelity change our makeup completely.

Explain this carefully, and back off until you are feeling this.


----------



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

The infidelity in my marriage took me to the lowest I'd ever been and I was there for a while. After the separation and through the D I felt completely alone, depressed, didn't want any company, didn't want to do anything. I wallowed in self-misery for a long time but one day it just clicked. I was fine alone. I was free to do what I wanted, when I wanted with who I wanted. I started talking to girls but put a halt to it if it ever started getting serious. I didn't want to lose my independence. 

When I met my gf, I was attracted to her. Got to know her and didn't bring her around my kids until several months had passed. She's someone that is in it for the long haul. She's rare in these times. She's a good girl BUT her immaturity shows at times. That's when I really start second guessing the relationship. Why do I need anyone telling me what I can and can't do when what I'm doing is normal between exes regarding custody. When I was single there was no one telling me anything, getting upset, etc. So my big question is....why is anyone happy in a relationship when at some point there is arguments and someone telling you what you can and can't do. Am I missing something?


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Taxman said:


> SF-Fan; It is not the new relationship, it is you that is still reacting to the betrayal. You do not at this time want anyone too close. It is a defense mechanism. This may be too soon for you, and I would recommend cooling it to an extent, and getting more comfortable in your own skin. The psychological changes brought about by infidelity change our makeup completely.
> 
> Explain this carefully, and back off until you are feeling this.


I can see validity in always wise Taxman's post. There is a natural need to protect yourself from more relationship pain.

Similarly, you are comfortable with her in smaller 'doses', but feel smothered with time-overindulgence. You are at a bit of a crossroads where you will be expected to make a greater commitment or not. You enjoy your solitude and with more commitment you lose some/maybe much of your personal freedom.

I'm feeling that maybe you think she SHOULD be what you want, but your gut is not happy. That is not good. On the other hand, maybe you don't want to let her get away. How would you feel if she fell for someone else and broke it off tomorrow? How much younger is she? Could her immaturity be jealousy or have anything to do with a need for distance you unconsciously project?

So, if she were into exercise and weighed lets say 8-9 pounds less and would likely maintain, how would that change your feelings?

IMO: There is an unknown element missing--are you ok proceeding even with that insight? Your ambivalence may be more telling than you realize.

Just brainstorming here.


----------



## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

SF-FAN said:


> When I met my gf, I was attracted to her. Got to know her and didn't bring her around my kids until several months had passed. She's someone that is in it for the long haul. She's rare in these times. She's a good girl BUT her immaturity shows at times. That's when I really start second guessing the relationship. Why do I need anyone telling me what I can and can't do when what I'm doing is normal between exes regarding custody. When I was single there was no one telling me anything, getting upset, etc. So my big question is....why is anyone happy in a relationship when at some point there is arguments and someone telling you what you can and can't do. Am I missing something?


Why didn't you include this in your original post? It would have helped paint the picture better. It sounds like you're having relationship issues and looking for reasons you shouldn't be with this woman. You'll get much better responses if you can lay out the issues at once instead of trickling them in as the thread goes on.

There is give and take in any relationship, and especially in blended families. It should be 'compromise' though, not being told what to do. If you are being told what to do (ie - no compromise), then you're allowing yourself to be treated badly. That would not be acceptable to me.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

> She is about 10-15 lbs from being a "hot" slim but has trouble with dieting and working out.


Gross

Please just let this woman go


----------



## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

SF-FAN said:


> The infidelity in my marriage took me to the lowest I'd ever been and I was there for a while. After the separation and through the D I felt completely alone, depressed, didn't want any company, didn't want to do anything. I wallowed in self-misery for a long time but one day it just clicked. I was fine alone. I was free to do what I wanted, when I wanted with who I wanted. I started talking to girls but put a halt to it if it ever started getting serious. I didn't want to lose my independence.
> 
> When I met my gf, I was attracted to her. Got to know her and didn't bring her around my kids until several months had passed. She's someone that is in it for the long haul. She's rare in these times. She's a good girl BUT her immaturity shows at times. That's when I really start second guessing the relationship. *Why do I need anyone telling me what I can and can't do when what I'm doing is normal between exes regarding custody. When I was single there was no one telling me anything, getting upset, etc. So my big question is....why is anyone happy in a relationship when at some point there is arguments and someone telling you what you can and can't do. *Am I missing something?


You just need to learn boundaries and how to say no. You also might want to learn about what it means when women argue and what they really want. Often arguments from women aren't about whatever they are arguing about so you just need to learn to listen to them, get to the bottom of their feelings, acknowledge those feelings, and then work through the real issues. It's a bit of an art but very effective.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, immaturity and jealousy are both perfectly valid reasons to decide that someone isn't a compatible partner for you. Believing that your girlfriend is '10 pounds away from being hot' is, though arguably shallow, also a perfectly valid reason to decide that she isn't a compatible partner for you. 

However, neither of those are valid reasons to cheat. 

If you're unhappy with your girlfriend and on the prowl for other women, then I'd say it's past time to break it off with her so you can both find people you're more compatible with. What you're "missing" is a healthy sense of what a compatible relationship looks like, and the proper boundaries that would keep you from remaining in a relationship which has become clearly incompatible.


----------



## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

I think when you dump this nice girl with a couple of extra LBs and find yourself that next waif you'll realize that your tastes have changed and that banging thick girls is kinda fun.


----------



## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

She sounds too nice for you. She probably realises that she can do better but she is giving you a shot. Why does a really hot woman need you? Your ex didn’t. A financially secure 6/7 is hardly a great catch. Some people are unlovable but that is mostly due to their attitude, not their appearance.


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

SF-FAN said:


> . That's when I really start second guessing the relationship. Why do I need anyone telling me what I can and can't do when what I'm doing is normal between exes regarding custody. When I was single there was no one telling me anything, getting upset, etc. So my big question is....why is anyone happy in a relationship when at some point there is arguments and someone telling you what you can and can't do. Am I missing something?


 This girl has nothing to do with it. You want to do what you want to do without anyone making any demands of you. That pretty much means you don't want to be in a relationship, ... so don't if you don't want to. You can't have it both ways, and somewhere down the road you will likely regret cutting this one loose if that is what you choose. @Taxman nailed it. Fix yourself.


----------



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

smi11ie said:


> She sounds too nice for you. She probably realises that she can do better but she is giving you a shot. Why does a really hot woman need you? Your ex didn’t. A financially secure 6/7 is hardly a great catch. Some people are unlovable but that is mostly due to their attitude, not their appearance.


Too nice for me? No. She started out that way but like most girls, she has an attitude. Now, she does do a lot more for me than my ex did. She is responsible and wife material BUT getting mad for little things is not cool. It makes a whole situation awkward when it doesn't have to be. Case in point she wants me to ignore my ex's calls when the kids are with me because if I answer the phone it seems like I'm still at my ex's beck-and-call. That's not true. My ex is happily married and if/when she does call it's a 20 second phone call maximum strictly about the kids. If my ex ignored my calls when I call about the kids, I'd be pissed. I could understand if my ex and I talked all the time or text often but we don't. It's civil and minimal. No reason for that to upset her. 

And here's another conclusion I've come to. MOST marriages have an expiration date. There's only a handful of couples that I know have been married for a long time. Most everyone cheats and/or outgrows their spouse. It's bound to happen. It's human nature. No one wants to be with the same person for the rest of their lives. Look around, look at couples you know. There are far more couples divorcing than are staying together.


----------



## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

SF-FAN said:


> Too nice for me? No. She started out that way but like most girls, she has an attitude. Now, she does do a lot more for me than my ex did. She is responsible and wife material BUT getting mad for little things is not cool. It makes a whole situation awkward when it doesn't have to be. Case in point she wants me to ignore my ex's calls when the kids are with me because if I answer the phone it seems like I'm still at my ex's beck-and-call. That's not true. My ex is happily married and if/when she does call it's a 20 second phone call maximum strictly about the kids. If my ex ignored my calls when I call about the kids, I'd be pissed. I could understand if my ex and I talked all the time or text often but we don't. It's civil and minimal. No reason for that to upset her.
> 
> And here's another conclusion I've come to. MOST marriages have an expiration date. There's only a handful of couples that I know have been married for a long time. Most everyone cheats and/or outgrows their spouse. It's bound to happen. It's human nature. No one wants to be with the same person for the rest of their lives. Look around, look at couples you know. There are far more couples divorcing than are staying together.


Oh, boy. Stop the generalizing with everyone does this and no one wants that. There are indeed many people who don't cheat and who do want one person for their lifetime. Just because you've only seen people who cheat and divorce doesn't mean you should become one of them. If your SO is not cut out for you, then be single and get out before you make choices you'll regret.


----------



## scaredlion (Mar 4, 2017)

My friend you appear to be someone that doesn't recognize when they have something good and are always thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. If that is your true feelings then please don't waste the time of a good woman and hurt her because some other woman hurt you. Go on YouTube and pull up Nora Jones's song 'Cold Cold Heart' written by Hank Williams. It kind of fits what your GF would think. Her are four lines from that song. Do they fit you?

Another love before my time
Made your heart sad and blue.
And so my heart is paying now
For things I didn't do.

Would your GF have cause to think these lines? If you are just using her then let her go so she can find someone that will love and appreciate her. I do wish you well.


----------



## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

SF-FAN said:


> Because of my insecurity and "neediness" we had a huge fight in July. She went to her family and told them how I am so needy but nothing about her actions. Since then things have been cold between us. Another thing I don't like is that she goes to her girlfriend's house in the evenings. With her past, it makes me wonder if she's going somewhere else. I don't have proof that she is having an EA and that she is not going to her friend's house but since things are so cold, I don't know what to do or think.[/QUI have every right to question her but she thinks I am insecure for doing so. When I used to ask for affection and to spend time, she called me needy.





SF-FAN said:


> Getting advice on this website definitely helps because I don't have anyone to talk about it with. I definitely do not want to continue to be a doormat, I want someone that will love me and only want to be with me. The kicker is that when I ask why she is not affectionate, she tells me I need to find a girl that will be all over me because it seems like that is what I want and she is not like that.





SF-FAN said:


> This morning I didn't say much so she just called me and asked why I was so quiet. Told her I'm done pushing being affectionate to which she said "me too." She seems to think she is also affectionate and that I am too needy. That I need affection from her to feel secure in the marriage. I responded by saying "I'm sorry, I thought married couples were supposed to be affectionate, my mistake." I also told her that I'm not needy and that she needs to get off that


Allow me to pitch a theory to you briefly. Above are all quotes from you in your old thread when your wife was cheating on you. I am not saying you are needy, I am suggesting that we have patterns in relationships. If you normally date hot women that treat you like crap and make you feel like you are needy for wanting reciprocal affection, maybe you are just out of your comfort zone with this new dynamic? You may be starting her view as being needy since you don't have to continually pursue her or force her to treat you with respect, like you have in the past. Since being the 'needy' one is your usual role in relationships, you may be starting to wonder what is wrong with her because she is 'needy' over you, instead of being cold, unaffectionate and dismissive of you, like your past partners. Perhaps you get some sort of need met by feeling you are the one 'making' the relationship and being a relationship with someone who does that for you is not meeting that need.



SF-FAN said:


> Well let me ask this from a different angle. Is it possible I am so used to being treated badly that this new type of relationship is foreign to me? Each of my past relationships had the same M.O. Girls are relatively slim, have nice figures, attractive face but treated me lousy. I was the giver and rarely got anything in return. Now I meet someone that is opposite of that and I don't know how to receive it. Is that a possibility? I don't want to throw away a relationship with someone that could last a lifetime because of my previous ones.


This is possible but it doesn't really matter if you can't spend a weekend with her without feeling suffocated. It's also possible that you are looking for reasons to justify breaking up with because she's not hot enough for you.


----------



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

Spoons027 said:


> Oh, boy. Stop the generalizing with everyone does this and no one wants that. There are indeed many people who don't cheat and who do want one person for their lifetime. Just because you've only seen people who cheat and divorce doesn't mean you should become one of them. If your SO is not cut out for you, then be single and get out before you make choices you'll regret.


When I was in my early 20's I met this nice older man out of the blue. He seemed very pleasant but he looked me square in the eye and said "do not ever get married, it will be the end of your life as you know it." I didn't pay much attention to it then but after being married for 10 years, single for a couple years and now in a new relationship, I see what he was talking about. In marriage you lose more than you gain. Think about it very carefully. After my D sure I was lonely, sad, etc. Once I got out of that funk I was doing what I wanted to do, with whoever I wanted to do it with. No one telling me what to do. Free, independent. It was great. Once you have a significant other, you lose that independence. It's depressing. And I think everyone after being married for a certain amount of time realizes that. It doesn't matter who you're married to. Good looking, ugly, rich, poor. It doesn't matter, you grow apart because everyone is growing as an individual.


----------



## SF-FAN (Sep 24, 2013)

Violet28 said:


> Allow me to pitch a theory to you briefly. Above are all quotes from you in your old thread when your wife was cheating on you. I am not saying you are needy, I am suggesting that we have patterns in relationships. If you normally date hot women that treat you like crap and make you feel like you are needy for wanting reciprocal affection, maybe you are just out of your comfort zone with this new dynamic? You may be starting her view as being needy since you don't have to continually pursue her or force her to treat you with respect, like you have in the past. Since being the 'needy' one is your usual role in relationships, you may be starting to wonder what is wrong with her because she is 'needy' over you, instead of being cold, unaffectionate and dismissive of you, like your past partners. Perhaps you get some sort of need met by feeling you are the one 'making' the relationship and being a relationship with someone who does that for you is not meeting that need.
> 
> 
> 
> This is possible but it doesn't really matter if you can't spend a weekend with her without feeling suffocated. It's also possible that you are looking for reasons to justify breaking up with because she's not hot enough for you.



I'm not going to break up with her unless I start feeling like I'm being told what to do instead of being compromised with. I was needy and am not anymore and never will be. I don't want a relationship like that. Bottom line is I will not be told I can't do something if there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing. Not being able to answer the phone when my kids' mom calls because my current gf feels it's a power move? Really? No, if we only communicate about the kids and that's all there's nothing wrong with answering the phone. If my ex doesn't answer the phone when I'm calling concerning the kids then communication breaks down and it's a recipe for arguments.


----------



## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

SF-FAN said:


> *I'm not going to break up with her unless I start feeling like I'm being told what to do instead of being compromised with. I was needy and am not anymore and never will be. I don't want a relationship like that. Bottom line is I will not be told I can't do something if there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing. Not being able to answer the phone when my kids' mom calls because my current gf feels it's a power move? Really? No, if we only communicate about the kids and that's all there's nothing wrong with answering the phone. If my ex doesn't answer the phone when I'm calling concerning the kids then communication breaks down and it's a recipe for arguments.*


Really, not my point. My post was about needs/patterns relationships, maybe you need to be the pursuer and she is not giving you something to pursue. Nothing in there about power moves when the ex calls.

Your original post was about feeling suffocated by her and having thoughts of cheating. Then it turned into her being immature and controlling, then maybe people aren't meant to be married and all relationships have expiration dates. Now it has morphed into something about communication.

Is the girlfriend aware of all these feelings you are having? She may be feeling needy because she senses you are having feelings that you are not communicating to her. For myself, I'd really want to know if my partner was feeling suffocated, or that I was immature, controlling and that all relationships have expiration dates. These are important things to know, if she is thinking of marrying you someday, the fact that you'll likely say we grew apart and my needs as an individual are incongruent with a lifetime commitment to someone are pertinent details in the whole contract of marriage. Basically a bait and switch.

Best of luck.


----------



## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

SF-FAN said:


> When I was in my early 20's I met this nice older man out of the blue. He seemed very pleasant but he looked me square in the eye and said "do not ever get married, it will be the end of your life as you know it." I didn't pay much attention to it then but after being married for 10 years, single for a couple years and now in a new relationship, I see what he was talking about. In marriage you lose more than you gain. Think about it very carefully. After my D sure I was lonely, sad, etc. Once I got out of that funk I was doing what I wanted to do, with whoever I wanted to do it with. No one telling me what to do. Free, independent. It was great. Once you have a significant other, you lose that independence. It's depressing. And I think everyone after being married for a certain amount of time realizes that. It doesn't matter who you're married to. Good looking, ugly, rich, poor. It doesn't matter, you grow apart because everyone is growing as an individual.


Most weddings I've been to, the pastor talks about how the 2 become 1. So of course you are not gonna be able to just go your own way all the time. Marriage involves a lot of hard work, forgiveness of each other, and at times making sacrifices for each other. If you aren't willing, stay single.


----------



## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Sounds like you have a good girl there, and that you mostly have your head on straight. I'd just take your time. Definitely don't cheat. See how this feels a few months down the line, re-assess. Perhaps you are feeling some pressure to commit? If I'm reading between the lines you are looking at the permanency of this relationship. Maybe it's too soon.

I agree with others that finding the hot chick carries so many issues. Some women are "loud hot" and others are "quiet hot". The loud ones have the hot hair style, wear more makeup, higher heels, etc. Quiet ones look nice but aren't necessarily going to snap heads. Maybe only occasionally they deck out and then suddenly you are like, whoa! Those are the types you want to keep. Not the attention seekers who thrive off of getting men's heads to snap.

Suffocation usually comes when you feel things are going too fast. So dial it back just a little when that happens. Ride the coaster and maybe eventually you'll be ready to go downhill.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

SF-FAN said:


> When I was in my early 20's I met this nice older man out of the blue. He seemed very pleasant but he looked me square in the eye and said "do not ever get married, it will be the end of your life as you know it." I didn't pay much attention to it then but after being married for 10 years, single for a couple years and now in a new relationship, I see what he was talking about. In marriage you lose more than you gain. Think about it very carefully. After my D sure I was lonely, sad, etc. Once I got out of that funk I was doing what I wanted to do, with whoever I wanted to do it with. No one telling me what to do. Free, independent. It was great. Once you have a significant other, you lose that independence. It's depressing. And I think everyone after being married for a certain amount of time realizes that. It doesn't matter who you're married to. Good looking, ugly, rich, poor. It doesn't matter, you grow apart because everyone is growing as an individual.


You foolishly seem to think that the ONLY ones who stand to 'lose' in a marriage are men. My *ass*.

Lots of women have become so economically self sufficient and independent that they don't even need men in their lives anymore, whining about not being able to find their socks or constantly having to be picked up after. For a lot of women, it's just a life of being an indentured servant to a man and kids. Trust me - it's not just men who lose. 

I agree with you. Being single is the bomb. So dump your girlfriend and become the Stud you KNOW you were meant to be.


----------



## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

Dude, I have read your stuff for a while. With all the sincerity and good intention I can muster, I say the following: You sound like someone who has no clue about healthy relationships, you make up theories and judgments about relationships and jump into conclusions with no real thorough understanding of why.

You say your ex is happily married. How do you know? You reach conclusions about long term relationships. The claim about being needy, about affection, etc.

You need help. Not random strangers online, whom you also praised because, as you said, you have no one to talk to. That is not healthy. Now you have issues of not being controlled. What are you 15? Of course not, you are an adult with some very immature coping and judgment skills. Explore the reason why with a real life flesh and blood person that you can see and touch that you actually see in person.

Until then, you are gonna flounder. Like a lot. Like you are.


----------

