# Dating younger women, does it work out?



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I am mid 30s, stumbled into someone 28. It puts quite gap between us. 

Short story, had a 4 day camping adventure type event. Friends of the guy I went with all ended up staying with us. I ended up sleeping in bed with her, purely as a place to sleep, nothing more. However, I dig her. We get along really good. She has the exact same sarcastic personality. We hung together the rest of the weekend. 

I messaged her first and she seemed a little not interested. However, I messaged a day later about some hilarious pics we took and we chatted for about an hour about the event. I did NOT pursue her as I don't want any friendship to get weird but it did come up and I just said she was easy on the eyes, nothing more. 

I am curious, does dating with this type of age gap actually work out? I can see where it might be tough to compete here against 20 somethings but... 

I remember when an ex started dating an older guy when we were 21. He was probably 30 or more and I thought it was a little odd. 

I figure with my current prospect I might be best to leave it and see what she does. I feel my reference should be pretty chill but obvious that I am into her. More than anything, I don't want to kill a friendship with stepping over the line...


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I know you want a man's opinion so I hope you don't mind if I chime in with something.

The age difference doesn't seem to be that big. Usually when I think a relationship might have trouble is when there is more than 15 years between the people. Of course there are those who defy age and manage to make it work with a much,much younger or older partner. 

I think the most important thing is where you are in your life. It's going to be tough being with someone a lot younger if you've already been there/done that through life. At least that was the struggle I had when married to a much older man. Nothing was new for him. His life was already set and he had already experienced things I hadn't begun to experience yet. It felt like I was stepping into his life rather than building a life with him.

Anyway,28 for a female isn't terribly different from the male mid 30's. usually late twenties is when women start to really know what they want and who they are and it only gets better from there.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

You will have to put it out on the line and risk the friendship if you would like to persue a relationship with her.

But let's face it, it's not really a friendship if one side is physically attracted to the other, is it?

I'm not sure about your "easy on the eyes" comment, I know you meant well, but it comes off offensive IMO.

Ask her out IN PERSON (not text). See how she feels about it. Chances are HIGH that she would NEVER lay down even next to you if she didn't dig you a little......

Don't worry about the age, worry about THE PERSON in front of you. Invest time and get to know her and see if she is the person FOR YOU. If not > NEXT. If she is, great > progress to relationship. 

Good luck


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

What I am finding is late 20s girls are more playful and fun, which is what I want. Seems ladies my age have went through a hard time and want to "find a mate". 

Regarding experiences, she honestly has more experiences than me. I think I totally crapped 10yrs of my life in an LTR. I am certainly NOT prowling for younger women though. I was really hoping she was older so that did not become a factor. Just can't deny my instincts. Something I have learned over the years. If I am into one, I will know in 5min!!! My first LTR in high school, I met her for like 5min on a porch step while a friend was trying to hit on her. Something just comes over me and I lock in. She would become "the one that got away"... I was an idiot.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Ask her out. 

If she gets weird, or makes it clear she doesn't feel that way about you, then smile, tell her you understand, and you still get to keep the friendship anyway.

Don't ask her out, if she is a little into you ... and focus on being 'friends' and eventually you'll get your wish. She won't see you as a potential romantic partner at all.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

bobsmith said:


> What I am finding is late 20s girls are more playful and fun, which is what I want. Seems ladies my age have went through a hard time and want to "find a mate".
> 
> Regarding experiences, she honestly has more experiences than me. I think I totally crapped 10yrs of my life in an LTR. I am certainly NOT prowling for younger women though. I was really hoping she was older so that did not become a factor. Just can't deny my instincts. Something I have learned over the years. If I am into one, I will know in 5min!!! My first LTR in high school, I met her for like 5min on a porch step while a friend was trying to hit on her. Something just comes over me and I lock in. She would become "the one that got away"... I was an idiot.


Listen to your instinct in this case, ask her out.

You have nothing to lose and this girl is not your friend (simply someone you JUST got to know and spoke with over the internet/chat for an hour).

You don't know her, but certainly get to know her.

Start off with meeting her for coffee or something and chat/see how it goes. If you get a good vibe and feel that she digs you, ask her out for dinner/date that night or another night.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> What I am finding is late 20s girls are more playful and fun, which is what I want. Seems ladies my age have went through a hard time and want to "find a mate".
> 
> Regarding experiences, she honestly has more experiences than me. I think I totally crapped 10yrs of my life in an LTR. I am certainly NOT prowling for younger women though. I was really hoping she was older so that did not become a factor. Just can't deny my instincts. Something I have learned over the years. If I am into one, I will know in 5min!!! My first LTR in high school, I met her for like 5min on a porch step while a friend was trying to hit on her. Something just comes over me and I lock in. She would become "the one that got away"... I was an idiot.


Bob Simmons.

What's more important than if you are "into her', is that she is "into you". Don't worry about "ones that got away", more come around all the time.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It can work. It's not like she's 20 years old and you're 35. 

Sometimes the age gap will create a problem. Sometimes it doesn't. Depends on the individual couple.

I dated a man fourteen years older and loved every damn minute of it. Some of my girl friends said he was "kind of old" but I was hot for him and would totally do it again.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I don't think your age difference will be a big factor. Go for it, if you're interested. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

DOF, you would have to understand the situation. RV camper, limited beds, drunkness, we have air conditioning...lol

These are also small town girls where this sort of thing can be pretty normal. I was hoping for a little sign from her if I should proceed though. Dunno if I would call chatting for an hour a sign though. 

Also, why do you consider "easy on the eyes" offensive? I thought that was maybe a subtle way of hinting? Or does that come off as "you just look alright"?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> At least that was the struggle I had when married to a much older man. Nothing was new for him. His life was already set and he had already experienced things I hadn't begun to experience yet.


How much older was he, Scarlet?


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> How much older was he, Scarlet?


20 years  

daddy issues over here


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)




----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> I am curious, does dating with this type of age gap actually work out? I can see where it might be tough to compete here against 20 somethings but...
> 
> .


I don't see much of an age gap there.

Most people I know agree that 10 years difference is considered within the average.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> 20 years
> 
> daddy issues over here


Lol. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

I haven't met many women my age (34) who share the same sense of fun and humour that I have. The mid to late 20s seems to be best, as most in their early twenties that I've encountered were naive and arrogant in equal measure (still thinking they knew everything about everything, a remnant of being a teen). Did know one 21 year old who was wise beyond her years and we got along very well. Her boyfriend was in his 40s, too.

I think you can't help who you like and are compatible with, and shouldn't worry too much what other people will think.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

bobsmith said:


> DOF, you would have to understand the situation. RV camper, limited beds, drunkness, we have air conditioning...lol
> 
> These are also small town girls where this sort of thing can be pretty normal. I was hoping for a little sign from her if I should proceed though. Dunno if I would call chatting for an hour a sign though.
> 
> Also, why do you consider "easy on the eyes" offensive? I thought that was maybe a subtle way of hinting? Or does that come off as "you just look alright"?


I think so, to me.

If you want to tell her she looks good, do it, but ANY hint of otherwise = offensive IMO.

Find out if she has a boyfriend, if not, ask her out (if you want to ). But don't pull the BS Friend crap whatever you do.......


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't even see it as a "younger woman" when she's 28 and you're in your mid 30s.

I think that would be a good match.

But I'm in my late 30s and my husband is 31. So what do I know.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Maybe I have been out of this too long but I usually try to get some sort of sign. Maybe that is my downfall. Not sure if our playful banter all weekend or an hour of chat is considered interested.


Lila, no, she does not know much about me and I am sort of concerned about the kiddos because she does not have them. Not sure if the recent LTR would really be an issue though. Or would it?


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Maybe she doesn't want to date a man with kids.

If that's the case, she's not for you. But other women don't mind.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> I am mid 30s, stumbled into someone 28. It puts quite gap between us.
> 
> Short story, had a 4 day camping adventure type event. Friends of the guy I went with all ended up staying with us. * I ended up sleeping in bed with her, purely as a place to sleep, nothing more.* However, I dig her. We get along really good. She has the exact same sarcastic personality. We hung together the rest of the weekend.


I think she digs you too and she's probably waiting for you to make the right moves given that both of you shared a bed.

Ask yourself this, why would a woman sleep in the same bed with you if she didn't trust you?

a] She thinks you're a harmless eunuch.
b] She likes trust you .

Don't scare her, just take your time enjoy the friendship whilst telegraphing exactly where you want this friendship to go.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

that_girl said:


> Maybe she doesn't want to date a man with kids.
> 
> If that's the case, she's not for you. But other women don't mind.


You'll learn it's simpler if you tend to date women with kids. Men without kids will more tend to avoid them, and also they are a bit more understanding since they have kids of their own, so they won't run you through a bunch of disqualifications.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

bobsmith said:


> Lila, no, she does not know much about me and I am sort of concerned about the kiddos because she does not have them. Not sure if the recent LTR would really be an issue though. Or would it?


You won't know until you ask her out.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I appreciate it! I don't much know but due to the close small town click, I figure if she is interested, I would honestly think that would make it back to me through the network pretty quick. That seems a bit childish but.... I felt like my subtle hint would have at least told her I was into her. 

I think it would be reasonable to wait till after the 4th.

Trey, to be honest, I sort of would prefer a woman without kids. Not sure if that is realistic but I would sure like to start a new life and family with someone, not end up with the brady bunch. That sounds bad seeing as I have kids though.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> I appreciate it! I don't much know but due to the close small town click, I figure if she is interested, I would honestly think that would make it back to me through the network pretty quick. That seems a bit childish but.... I felt like my subtle hint would have at least told her I was into her.
> 
> I think it would be reasonable to wait till after the 4th.


That's great you are mindful of the "clique", cause that's how it is alot of places.

What's real is if you aren't hitting it off with one you probably aren't with many. You gotta start somewhere. Many of them won't mess with you because the others aren't. So achieve penetration by any means necessary and you will have much better success all over.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I have a husband who's 19 years older than me that i've been with for 9 years. It can definitely work even if it does have unique challenges. It's very difficult to view each other as equals, and a parent child dynamic is a very real possibility if the younger person isn't a strong personality. Unequal baggage is a real issue as well. In our case, we're both on our second marriages, both had kids, and are pretty equal professionally. I laugh every time I see a 30 year old guy that married an 18 year old and b!tches that she's immature. Well yeah, she's 18..maybe if you'd considered something besides how hot she was and how she let you pretend you were really younger you'd have realized that.

I tend to be wary of people that make blanket statements about people their age; this usually happens because they have an unreasonable view of who they are. And you specifically looking for someone without kids even though you have them violates the baggage rule; you might find someone willing but it's going to be much harder on the relationship. You generally can't ask what you can't give.

That being said, your age difference isn't that big so give it a shot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Yeah, I sort of feel like I am screwed here on the kids thing. Probably why I tried hard to save my last LTR. 

And not one, but TWO kids... Super great. I could see where a lat 20s with no baggage would not want in. Hell, I wouldn't. Probably one reason I am not digging my heals in here to get kicked in the face.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

That is sort of my hope. If I find someone without kids, my hope is to be able to have some of our own. Obviously if I step in with 2 kids, the new partner has 2 kids, that makes a pretty full house already. 

I wanted to have more kids by my ex decided on her own to go get fixed immediately after our last kid and looked down on me for not doing it. Now I know EXACTLY why I didn't.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> I think she digs you too and she's probably waiting for you to make the right moves given that both of you shared a bed.
> 
> Ask yourself this, why would a woman sleep in the same bed with you if she didn't trust you?
> 
> ...


c: - don't over analyze it, but in the single and dating world, if you are guy and sleeping over you are supposed to be trying to get some unless you guys are already best buddies.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

intheory said:


> She's 28 and you're mid-thirties. Does that mean 33 or 34---no big deal. Does that mean 37 or 38---okay, but that would be my personal limit.
> 
> Like everyone else says, you're gonna have to "stick it out" and ask her.
> 
> ...


:iagree:
I would also assume that she was thinking that , unless she said or acted otherwise.
I think he's over analyzing thing a bit.

He should just take it easy and let things flow.
She might be interested in more than friends.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> Yeah, I sort of feel like I am screwed here on the kids thing. Probably why I tried hard to save my last LTR.
> 
> And not one, but TWO kids... Super great. I could see where a lat 20s with no baggage would not want in. Hell, I wouldn't. Probably one reason I am not digging my heals in here to get kicked in the face.


Just don't bring them up, be on the scene to have fun and look around like most others. Most of your stuff doesn't have to be seeking an LTR, but having fun.

Later on you can get an LTR, but she will be happier if you've fully built your esteem before her.

So do what singles do.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I'll give you an example. And you can take what you want from it.

My fiance was 39 when he met his (future) EA. She was 28. She told him many times that "she was not looking for anything serious right now." And he knew that she was actively looking for guys in bars. in fact, I uncovered a draft e-mail that he never sent her, in which he said "I know that you are upset you don't get much attention from guys at the bars......"

Since she burned hot and cold with him, he kept looking and then he met me. they stayed in touch and when he told her that he was seeing me, she came on to him with full force..... at the same time she admitted that she met another guy, of all things she said about him, she framed the fact that he was 40 (like my fiance at that point) as a negative.

so effectively, I guess because she was 50 pounds overweight (her words on a social media site), she was unable to get any play from suitable guys closer to her age, so she "settled" for the older guys...... 

So that you, bobsmith, won't be played for a fool. Watch out for women who have "lots of male friends." My fiance took a trip with her and he said her boyfriend picked them both up at the airport. I wonder if the bf was trying to mark his territory.

My fiance said that they had sex 3 times...... during this period when she told him that she was not looking for anything serious. Women can do FBs and FWBs, so the fact that she is sexually attracted to you does not mean that she is in it for the long term.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Since it's common knowledge now that women can have healthy babies well into their 40s, I bet a lot of 20 something women are not fussed if they don't marry before the age of 35.

So I would be careful if you do not want to be the Mr. Right Now for a younger woman who, at the age of 28 might "know what she wants" but feels comfortable putting that on hold for a little fling..... because she has decided that you haven't "ticked all her boxes."


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Well, lets just put a couple things out there. I am NOT actively looking for my next LTR. I am really only interested in dating. However, finding someone I could actually have fun with can really suck. I know plenty of guys that just date to date. I like to have some spark there. I don't even intend to seek something more right now. 

What is odd about me is I have been known to do the ol one night stand plenty of times. However, when something of quality shows up, I don't get too concerned about the sex. It will come and my respect bar goes way up. This IS someone of high caliber, not someone that runs around. She actively hangs out with her family and girl friends mostly. Matter of fact, when they came to this event last weekend, they did not bring one guy with them. I know the family, they are good catholic people. I am catholic so I have to put that as a huge plus in that our religious views will be aligned.

Let me ask then, have I done enough to ensure she at least knows I am interested? I am not sure how many functions we might see each other so it could come down to a more aggressive approach but I am one to be a little more laid back. The way I see it, when I made comment about her looks, I was saying I was attracted. 

As far as sleeping in the same bed, I am not sure what to make of it because, like I say, there were only two beds and my buddy and I made it clear us dudes are NOT sleeping in the same bed. Forced hand....well played!!! lol

However, she sure claimed our bed the next night even though she could have went to the other one. The first night she did make a hilarious comment, "well, now that we slept together, I guess I should get your name"..... The girl is a riot... We can probably have a ton of fun together even as friends.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'm not going to touch on your 'high caliber' opinion but I will comment that you need to be clear and ask her out. 

What would you expect her to do with a hint? 

I wouldn't even consider that an age difference. As for the kids? ...You won't know what her take is on that unless you go for it. Don't even presume to know. Good luck!


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

When I say high caliber, I only mean not a **** that gets around and does not date deadbeats and has her stuff together. I am NOT referring to appearance here. 

Thanks for the opinion. I might try to back door some intel first though. I could be TOTALLY misreading her too. Her sister and friends are good friends with my best friend so I should be able to get something.


----------



## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

bobsmith said:


> Her sister and friends are good friends with my best friend so I should be able to get something.



"I should be able to get something" = ask them if she's into you? 

If yes, I don't always tell my friends when I'm into a man. I find confidence sexy...what's wrong with asking her out? Why do you have to gauge whether she's interested by asking others or making comments via text?


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> I am mid 30s, stumbled into someone 28. It puts quite gap between us.
> 
> Short story, had a 4 day camping adventure type event. Friends of the guy I went with all ended up staying with us. I ended up sleeping in bed with her, purely as a place to sleep, nothing more. However, I dig her. We get along really good. She has the exact same sarcastic personality. We hung together the rest of the weekend.
> 
> ...



You sound like my wifee and I, age gap wise. I'm 41 this month and she is 35. No issues for us at all.

This happened a few years ago, so I was 38 - 39 if I remember correctly. Once at a work party, there was this hottie in her early 20's, hitting on me all night, giving me the tongue, showing her legs and feet. Everyone noticed this and some even said, go for it. Of course when the official party was over, I discretely left but this hottie even knew I was taken and still said, lets go, I won't say anything and your wifee doesn't have to know. Talk about ultimate test right? Then I was chatting one night and out of the blue, some young woman, 21 years old, says hi and we start chatting. She tells me she's never chatted with a guy like that before and loved it. Wanted me as her friend and sex whenever she wanted but no relationship. She was a hottie as well. Nope. Temptation city. And she knew my age and said she loves an older man.

Today, age doesn't matter anymore, but when I was in highschool, everyone dated around their own age, give or take a few years. Times change.

Older guys dating much younger women and older women dating much younger guys. Makes us feel like we still got it.:smthumbup:


----------



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

When you are 16, someone 19 seems too old.

When you are 19, 26 seems 'too old'

When you are 22, 30 seems 'too old'

When you are 30, 45 seams 'too old'

When you get to 45, it does not seem to matter much anymore as long as they can function.

Though old enough to be your father/mother is almost always too old.

Just be honest and relaxed about it. If you both act like adults about it, if its right, it will be right.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

bobsmith said:


> When I say high caliber, I only mean not a **** that gets around* and does not date deadbeats *and has her stuff together. I am NOT referring to appearance here.
> 
> Thanks for the opinion. I might try to back door some intel first though. I could be TOTALLY misreading her too. Her sister and friends are good friends with my best friend so I should be able to get something.


I've always thought that men judge women on their past partners.


----------



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

You are over thinking this bobsmith. Just ask the woman out and see how it goes. 
And I am 28 years older than my wife and we have been together 4 years, married for 3. Just had a baby. Age is only a barrier if you let it be one.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> When I say high caliber, I only mean not a **** that gets around and does not date deadbeats and has her stuff together. I am NOT referring to appearance here.
> 
> Thanks for the opinion. I might try to back door some intel first though. I could be TOTALLY misreading her too. Her sister and friends are good friends with my best friend so I should be able to get something.


Tell her that's what you're looking for..word for word. If she ok with that and still dates you then she's your dream girl. Be real with her so she knows that you're a man who doesn't shy away from "sl*t" shaming. But before you're real just make sure that you yourself aren't a "sl*t". Hypocrites aren't ok so if you want someone with only a certain number of partners make sure that you have that same number or less.


----------



## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> However, she sure claimed our bed the next night even though she could have went to the other one. The first night she did make a hilarious comment, "well, now that we slept together, I guess I should get your name"..... The girl is a riot... We can probably have a ton of fun together even as friends.


Seriously? She sounds awesome. 

You’re a single guy alone in bed with a pretty single girl you get along with. You decide to do nothing.

:slap: 

You had a great chance to see what the score was. Any girl who shares a bed with me gets hugged, unless she specifically says not to. If she lets you, great, you’re hugging a girl in bed. If she snuggles in closer, even better, that’s a sign you can try something else if you like.


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

not an issue at all. where a 10 year age gap might show up is if you are 60, and start having ED issues, and she is 50 and entering the horniest period of her life! But that is a long time from now for the both of you!


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> I've always thought that men judge women on their past partners.


Not always. I'm far less concerned about their partners as much as what they did in their relationship.

OP. I believe age is only an obstacle when one or both people make is that way. I have met incredibly mature 20 something women and the party girl mid 40's who apparently want to dance and drink themselves out of existence. So long as she is a good fit for you don't look beyond that


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

In theory - There is a lot of joking around the modern Catholics. Yes, some are lily white, many are not, including myself but the difference is are supposed to KNOW better... I highly doubt she is lily white because her sis has a kid. However, many less-than-white Catholics are still highly selective. I sort of jumped off the band wagon for a while...

Pilot - Believe me, I thought about it. Catch 22, attempt action and possibly get some get denied and may look like a prick. Refrain and look more like a gentlemen. We were also dead tired, walking 20 miles, drunk, bed at 4am. I did throw a hand on her while sleeping though just to say hi...:smthumbup:


----------



## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> Pilot - Believe me, I thought about it. Catch 22, attempt action and possibly get some get denied and may look like a prick. Refrain and look more like a gentlemen. We were also dead tired, walking 20 miles, drunk, bed at 4am. I did throw a hand on her while sleeping though just to say hi...:smthumbup:


:yay:

Ok good. The little dance when you’re in bed is one of my favourite parts of a new relationship. I don’t mean try for action, I just mean put an arm around and see what the response is. Sometimes it’s been held, sometimes it’s been picked up and removed, sometimes it’s been picked up and placed somewhere sexy. The problem I have when it gets put somewhere sexy is my heart starts to pound and more than one girl has noticed this (none have been put off by it, thankfully!)

You obviously like this girl, I say see how it goes. If you play it too cool she'll think you don't like her back and will lose interest.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Uh, what do you think about no response at all...lol. Seriously, she was dead tired so who knows. However, she sure was not hugging tight to her side of the bed. 

I was not going to grope her or go further without any response. That just isn't me.

Still not sure what to think of the sleeping arrangement. Might be over analyzing that but she had other options and did not seem to mind a bit.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Lila said:


> You don't have to discuss your previous relationship right away but you do have to bring up your kids immediately.
> 
> Some women do not want to deal with the extra "baggage" that comes with dating men with children. I think it's only fair that you mention them to anyone who you might be interested in dating. Doesn't have to be direct. For eg. You and she are talking about travel, you say "I'd love to take my kids there some day".
> 
> As to the previous LTR, some women do not want to be the "rebound". Like I said, you don't have to mention it right of the bat, but probably after the first date or two. No sense wasting their time if you're not what they are looking for.



Dude. From a man's perspective, women date for many reasons, and a good percentage will date to have a fun time on your wallet. So you date for whatever reasons you want, starting to date with someone does not have to lead to an LTR.

So I wouldn't reveal kids when your just at the having fun stages. I wouldn't reveal too much about myself and just have fun.


Over time, you will see which ones you like to keep around. But the dating game is a bunch of BS, trust me. Build your esteem and ego back by having many conjugations, it doesn't have to a be a million folks, but it would be good for your brain and your future girlfriend to benefit from a confidence and attitude in knowing that you can do that if you felt like it.

So find out what works for the guys. Find out what works for the guys in general and find out what works for these "cliques" you are dealing with.

I wouldn't over analyze or pedastalize any of the "babes" your looking at. Just have fun. Your stock will rise without you straining about it and you will be having sex.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

I've dated women as much as 14 years younger than I. The age difference rarely ever came up.

As for the bed thing, I'd have probably made some sort of gray area move, discreet touch... comfortable touch, and looked for how receptive she was to it. If she doesn't respond then you let it go. Dunno, depends on the vibe I guess... but my experience is that women don't crawl into bed with you without some excitement butterflies and a least mild hope that something will happen - so long as it feels natural.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Lila said:


> You don't have to discuss your previous relationship right away but you do have to bring up your kids immediately.
> 
> Some women do not want to deal with the extra "baggage" that comes with dating men with children. I think it's only fair that you mention them to anyone who you might be interested in dating. Doesn't have to be direct. For eg. You and she are talking about travel, you say "I'd love to take my kids there some day".
> 
> As to the previous LTR, some women do not want to be the "rebound". Like I said, you don't have to mention it right of the bat, but probably after the first date or two. No sense wasting their time if you're not what they are looking for.


This. If it begins to tread on getting serious, I've always just weaved such information into casual conversation. I can't say I've ever had a big negative response to it. I typically dated women who didn't want to have kids, and most often they take a sort of attitude that its like getting all the good things about a fun weekend with children, without all the hard things that keep them from wanting kids - the grind of daily caretaking.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Um, there is a high chance she already knows about the kids since we are now friends on FB. Plenty of pics there. I don't see much point in dating if she is not OK with that. 

Thinking how I might be, it would probably come down to the person. If the match is good enough, I could look past certain things or make them work. Hopefully women think the same way.


----------



## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> I ended up sleeping in bed with her, purely as a place to sleep, nothing more.


Why the Hell didn't this ever happen to me? :scratchhead:


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I can't tell if you mean you bang them every time or you can't get one in bed? I guess I can't be that repulsive. Kind of hard to be discrete in an RV though... I knew the second night was spoiled because her sister was sleeping 10ft away.

I guess I really could not get a read on her. Lots of drinking and partying but I did buy her drinks and dinner... :smthumbup:

Guess I was sort of hoping she might just contact me back to say hi or some other excuse.


----------



## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> I can't tell if you mean you bang them every time or you can't get one in bed? I guess I can't be that repulsive. Kind of hard to be discrete in an RV though... I knew the second night was spoiled because her sister was sleeping 10ft away.
> 
> I guess I really could not get a read on her. Lots of drinking and partying but I did buy her drinks and dinner... :smthumbup:
> 
> Guess I was sort of hoping she might just contact me back to say hi or some other excuse.


Lol, no, I meant I've never had a woman want to sleep in the same bed as me "just as friends."


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

You've never camped in an RV then. There was the RV or a sweaty tent...LOL


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> I can't tell if you mean you bang them every time or you can't get one in bed? I guess I can't be that repulsive. Kind of hard to be discrete in an RV though... I knew the second night was spoiled because her sister was sleeping 10ft away.
> 
> I guess I really could not get a read on her. Lots of drinking and partying but I did buy her drinks and dinner... :smthumbup:
> 
> Guess I was sort of hoping she might just contact me back to say hi or some other excuse.


Dont' waste all your time on this one. Be busy and have other iron's in the fire. She will like you alot more for it. Some of the attraction things that singles do.


----------



## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

If there was a shortage of comfortable beds, I wouldn't read too much into her willingness to share with you. She probably just wanted to have the luxury of a soft place to sleep, and wasn't about to deny you that same right. In the world I live in, men and women sharing a bed is not necessarily any sign of anything, except wanting a good night's sleep.

And if she were interested, you'd probably have some sort of real sign by now. But you'll never really know unless you actually talk to her, and put your own cards on the table.

And no, I wouldn't say that telling her she is "easy on the eyes" is enough to convey the level of your interest.

My two cents, fwiw.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I rescind my previous recommendation to ask her out ...

Need to know more about what's going on, on the separation front.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Roger that. In the event that I do wish to ask her out or at least convey my interest, is this a day in age where email and such are acceptable or should this still be done via personal visit? 

Personally, I sort of think I should run into her again just to see how she acts. It seems so simple when you are in the moment. But, I did not exactly get that reciprocation to confirm much.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Well, let me ask this, my last message to her included "you are certainly easy on the eyes". Now I realize that does not say I was a date but no response at all from her, I am wondering if this is a waste of time and web space? I mean I made contact, we chatted about this and that for an hour, she said she was headed off to bed and I dropped a hint that I thought she looked good. Would that not lead to a response of any kind? 

Buggin the hel out of me.


----------



## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I would just like to add my two cents worth on a couple of issues.

The age gap: When my now wife and I first dated she was 20 and I was 28 it seemed a big age gap and we did have different friend circles, musical tastes etc but after 20 years of (mainly) happy marriage and us both in our 40's the 8 year difference in our ages seems of little consequence. 

Sharing a bed: I can see no reason why two single adults of opposite genders can not share a bed without the need or expectation of having sex. As long as you are both open an honest about the arrangement beforehand I can see no reason that it should cause a problem.

Potential for a relationship: You will never know if you do not ASK HER.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

bobsmith said:


> Well, let me ask this, my last message to her included "you are certainly easy on the eyes". Now I realize that does not say I was a date but no response at all from her, I am wondering if this is a waste of time and web space? I mean I made contact, we chatted about this and that for an hour, she said she was headed off to bed and I dropped a hint that I thought she looked good. Would that not lead to a response of any kind?
> 
> Buggin the hel out of me.



Then you have a lot to learn dude.

Can pretty much guarantee during that hour conversation, that it crossed her mind whether or not you were going to ask her out, and you didn't.

To be blunt, and reading the other content you've put up in this thread ... sounds like you want to be spoon fed, or you're fearful. I can understand either, but neither serves you or the outcome you want. Need to step up and be clear about what you want.

You want A date, with A particular woman? You ask for the date. It tragically, and miraculously is just that simple.

If she says no, appreciate the fact that you no longer have to worry about wasting your time, or hers.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I really appreciate the replies. Yes, I am fearful, no doubt! Has been over a decade since I have done this!

Is this something that should be done in person or would I be OK to engage conversation via messaging these days? 

One of my fears, like I say, is contaminating a friendship or make things awkward when we hang out again. There is little doubt that once I "go there", that will spread through the small town like wildfire... I know how small towns are...

Guess these are just risks in the single life...


----------



## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

If you want her, go get her.

Tell her you're interested. If she agrees to go out with you, great! If she doesn't want to but stays friends, at least you both relax knowing the score. If she doesn't want to and is awkward, not much of a friend if you can't be honest with her.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

"Enjoy your 4th of July! By the way, seeing as we have already slept together, I was wondering how you feel about getting dinner next X-day?"

Just that simple. 

Or you could be really creative and say something like, "Wanted to ask you out but wasn't sure how you'd feel about it, a guy I don't know on a message forum suggested I try this; *request above*, what do you think? Do you think that would work?"

Clever and humorous? She's gonna dig it.
And if she doesn't then you totally did it wrong ... I'm just kidding.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Message sent. Guess we'll know soon enough! Plenty of humor. She will at least find it amusing....


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Well done.

Even if shes says, 'no'. 

Well done.

Remember: Fortune favors the bold.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> I really appreciate the replies. Yes, I am fearful, no doubt! Has been over a decade since I have done this!
> 
> Is this something that should be done in person or would I be OK to engage conversation via messaging these days?
> 
> ...


Keep your game going with other ladies. Your single, if you puppy dog behind this one your done.


However if you get your confidence up some more you won't be able to keep her or others off of you.

I tell you from experience, it's much more fun for them to come to you than for you to have to persue them.


----------



## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Deejo said:


> Remember: Fortune favors the bold.


Sometimes. And sometimes fortune kicks bold in the teeth.

But that's okay. The bold can take it, right?


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Figured I would update. She said YES. Now I guess it is on me to make our first date memorable! Not sure what we should do yet. She is a country girl and I am a country guy. Little need for ritzy establishments I think.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> Figured I would update. She said YES. Now I guess it is on me to make our first date memorable! Not sure what we should do yet. She is a country girl and I am a country guy. Little need for ritzy establishments I think.


Dinner and a club with country dancing.

Dancing is a great way to break physical proximity and have a lot of fun.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Girlie girl or active girl? Horseback riding, kayaking/canoeing, shooting, four wheeling, or hiking all make great first dates.

Country girls typically love at least one of these.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Well, I asked her to 'dinner', I did not really elude to a full on date... Suppose that might be coded into the context. I sort of want something somewhat personal but I also know I get nervous sitting and talking. I need to move around. 

I am NOT a dancer and something that is on the list to reinvent myself. My ex was SUPER bad about not asking what she wanted, but telling me after the fact what I did wrong. I did not dance with her. I would probably expect any country girl to want to two step or something. 

She does have a broken foot right now so that might be out...:smthumbup:


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

always_alone said:


> Sometimes. And sometimes fortune kicks bold in the teeth.
> 
> But that's okay. The bold can take it, right?


If they want fortune?

Damn straight.


----------



## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> She does have a broken foot right now so that might be out...:smthumbup:


From kicking the bold in the teeth a bit too hard?


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> Well, I asked her to 'dinner', I did not really elude to a full on date... Suppose that might be coded into the context. I sort of want something somewhat personal but I also know I get nervous sitting and talking. I need to move around.
> 
> I am NOT a dancer and something that is on the list to reinvent myself. My ex was SUPER bad about not asking what she wanted, but telling me after the fact what I did wrong. I did not dance with her. I would probably expect any country girl to want to two step or something.
> 
> She does have a broken foot right now so that might be out...:smthumbup:


Come back to it. You don't have to be a pro-dancer. Take an 8 weeks class on dancing to your country music during off work hours. In a couple of months if you are still dating this one, you will be able to add that to the list of activities.

And if it's not her, you can do it with a nother. Being in close physical proximity with one is a great way to get even closer. And if you don't get even closer it still feels great and is good for your ego.


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> Well, I asked her to 'dinner', I did not really elude to a full on date... Suppose that might be coded into the context. I sort of want something somewhat personal but I also know I get nervous sitting and talking. I need to move around.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Look at it this way, if she does like to dance and the first date works out, you can always sign up for dance classes and let her know you need a partner. What better way to get to know each other.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> Well, I asked her to 'dinner', I did not really elude to a full on date... Suppose that might be coded into the context. I sort of want something somewhat personal but I also know I get nervous sitting and talking. I need to move around.
> 
> I am NOT a dancer and something that is on the list to reinvent myself. My ex was SUPER bad about not asking what she wanted, but telling me after the fact what I did wrong. I did not dance with her. I would probably expect any country girl to want to two step or something.
> 
> She does have a broken foot right now so that might be out...:smthumbup:


All you need is willingness. If she dances... ask her to show you. She'll laugh her @ss off and have a good time, so long as you don't take yourself too seriously or act a fool. A lot of women enjoy teaching a guy how to dance - and your inability can actually be endearing. Fortunately, even the most dance-averse person can pick up some of those country dances.

Don't worry about whether this is a "date" or "just dinner". Just focus on enjoying yourself, whatever it is.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> All you need is willingness. If she dances... ask her to show you. She'll laugh her @ss off and have a good time, so long as you don't take yourself too seriously or act a fool. A lot of women enjoy teaching a guy how to dance - and your inability can actually be endearing. Fortunately, even the most dance-averse person can pick up some of those country dances.
> 
> Don't worry about whether this is a "date" or "just dinner". Just focus on enjoying yourself, whatever it is.


I wanted him to do a class, because even though he won't come out of it a master, he will have more self confidence.


----------



## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

I dated a gal 10 years younger about a year after my wife died(I was 35 she 25). It started good but quickly turned in to a train wreck. That was 10 years ago and now when I look back on my time with her that “train wreck” was one wild ride down the mountain and makes me smile; I would not change it if I could.
After a bit asking the ladies out was the easy part; no was not a problem, yes.. Well thats was game on, it time to perform.


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

OK, I did not understand that. So you are no longer together after 10yrs? I certainly do not want to waste another 10yrs of my life with the wrong one again!!!

I am a traditional guy that just wants one woman for life. This last divorce situation is just about to kill me dead. I don;t know how men do it. 2-3-4-5 divorces.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Max.HeadRoom said:


> I dated a gal 10 years younger about a year after my wife died(I was 35 she 25). It started good but quickly turned in to a train wreck. That was 10 years ago and now when I look back on my time with her that “train wreck” was one wild ride down the mountain and makes me smile; I would not change it if I could.
> After a bit asking the ladies out was the easy part; no was not a problem, yes.. Well thats was game on, it time to perform.


How would you have played that situation differently if you could go back in time?


----------



## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> OK, I did not understand that. So you are no longer together after 10yrs? I certainly do not want to waste another 10yrs of my life with the wrong one again!!!
> 
> I am a traditional guy that just wants one woman for life. This last divorce situation is just about to kill me dead. I don;t know how men do it. 2-3-4-5 divorces.


No, they dated. Length of time wasn't specified.

She was 10 years younger, and their dating occurred 10 years ago. They might have split up after a month of dating. The post doesnt' specify.


----------



## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

Every situation is unique. I was moving on from my wife’s of 10 years death (were were good friend for 9 years b4 that). I felt I needed to start moving forward any way I could and started to look at dateing. The younger GF was getting past her long term EX and his stringing her along. I wanted to get to know her better b4 her moving in and getting engaged. She wanted to be married *NOW*. All in all it was 6 months. I was very hurt by the way she broke it off. But in hind sight it was the 1st time I was dumped. She started dating a lumber jack after me and was married two months later. 
I’m in no way knocking dating a younger person. We had a lot of fun and had she not been in such a hurry; Well I was looking forward to a future with her. Also my late wife was 7 years old then me. 
What would I do differently? NOTHING! I poured my heart and soul in to her I just wanted to know more about her and she just did not want to wait.
I learned a lot from it.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Max.HeadRoom said:


> Every situation is unique. I was moving on from my wife’s of 10 years death (were were good friend for 9 years b4 that). I felt I needed to start moving forward any way I could and started to look at dateing. The younger GF was getting past her long term EX and his stringing her along. I wanted to get to know her better b4 her moving in and getting engaged. She wanted to be married *NOW*. All in all it was 6 months. I was very hurt by the way she broke it off. But in hind sight it was the 1st time I was dumped. She started dating a lumber jack after me and was married two months later.
> I’m in no way knocking dating a younger person. We had a lot of fun and had she not been in such a hurry; Well I was looking forward to a future with her. Also my late wife was 7 years old then me.
> What would I do differently? NOTHING! I poured my heart and soul in to her I just wanted to know more about her and she just did not want to wait.
> I learned a lot from it.


"married a lumberjack".

She wanted to get married right away and when you didn't oblige she moved on.

Was there any long lasting penalty for pouring your heart into her? ( IE: did it restore after some period of time )


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I guess all women are different. All I can say is this one seems to be having a really good time with life right now and I highly doubt marriage is a top priority. I have zero expectations and it could be nothing more than a friendship for her. For some reason, I judge a little of this on how they dress for a date. If they don't play dress up, likely nothing there, IMO. 

It will be the first first date in a LONG time. I am nervous. Just want to make her comfortable and not feel odd.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

bobsmith said:


> I guess all women are different. All I can say is this one seems to be having a really good time with life right now and I highly doubt marriage is a top priority. I have zero expectations and it could be nothing more than a friendship for her. For some reason, I judge a little of this on how they dress for a date. If they don't play dress up, likely nothing there, IMO.
> 
> It will be the first first date in a LONG time. I am nervous. Just want to make her comfortable and not feel odd.


Well ... then do keep in mind that how comfortable she is, or how odd she feels will directly relate your comfort level.

Does she know your story?


----------



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

As far as my recent split? No, not to my knowledge. I specifically deleted her from my life in my social medias. I am not real sure of my date's intentions but I am going in with more of a friendly expectation just due to her responses. Her dinner agreement was something like "dinner will probably work". 

I was actually thinking of taking her to a cool little air field we have that has a bar, dining, and constant small plane traffic. Pretty neat little place! I want to say they have outdoor music events too but will probably have to work our schedules out first.


----------



## MrsStudMuffin (May 11, 2014)

Mr Studmuffin is 10 years older than I. He's a sexy HD guy. Retired academic, but active with freelance writing, family financial management, travel, and his cars. And of course ME. I say get fit, get your swagger on and get going. Most younger women are tired of the juvenile boy-men their own age and want a guy with substance.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Yes to the airfield.


----------



## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

> Was there any long lasting penalty for pouring your heart into her? ( IE: did it restore after some period of time )


not lasting more the a two months. I pulled my self together on moved on. dated 4 more ladies before I found my wife. We have been marred almost 7 years.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Since seperation I dated quite a few very young women with a large age gap (I'm nearing 30 and they were around 20), but since meeting my younger cousin who's grown up I've never been able to look at such a young woman the same way again!

It just feels wrong now, hence now it's 25+ as a rule

Only problem is that I look early-mid 20s still =/


----------



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

I was 38, she was 19. Just a chance encounter. Didn't work out. Also made me realize I actually like women that have been around the block a few times. Experience counts.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'm 46 dating a 28 year old. So far so good. We are not in a rush and I like the companionship. She actually acts like she enjoys being around me and doesn't try to change me.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> I'm 46 dating a 28 year old. So far so good. We are not in a rush and I like the companionship. She actually acts like she enjoys being around me and doesn't try to change me.


What if she was 38, would that mess it up for you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> I'm 46 dating a 28 year old. So far so good. We are not in a rush and I like the companionship. She actually acts like she enjoys being around me a*nd doesn't try to change me.*


Or may be in the euphoria, it *doesn't seem* like she's trying to change you.

I noticed that my fiance was more critical of me when he was in touch with his EA. These days, as far as he is concerned, I am perfect (AND still 21 years older than the erstwhile EA.)


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> Or may be in the euphoria, it *doesn't seem* like she's trying to change you.
> 
> I noticed that my fiance was more critical of me when he was in touch with his EA. These days, as far as he is concerned, I am perfect (AND still 21 years older than the erstwhile EA.)


When they are cheating on you alot of times they are more critical of you.

Also having been on both sides of the fence... When they are cheating on you, many times when you expect an emotional response out of them, you won't get one. It's because they have "steeled" themself and forged themself into the affair. Teflon develops between any old emotions and pain they might have had with you.


----------



## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

Im a believer in staying within 10-15 years, no more. But then again it depends on age. Would I want my daughter of 22 dating a 30 yo, that's about the limit, if she was 32 dating a 45 yo, its easier to accept. If she was late 20s to30 dating late 40s to 50s, nfw. I'd make him go away. As far as I go, if I was in the market at early 50s, I would not even consider anyone under 35 as there are differences in generations. Could I do it if I wanted? Of course, but I think if there is a 20 year gap, what happens when the person is 60 dating a 40 year old, eventually it wont fit. Just my opinion.


----------



## famethrowa (Jul 26, 2014)

bobsmith, you're worried about your girl being 6 or 7 years younger? You're talking like she's 19 : )


----------



## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

depends what "work out" means??
marriage, kids...doubtful, odds are much much less in your favor than usual marriage odds

but dating, it works LOL
I am 46 and am dating 2 mid 20's women right now...i typically prefer older women, mid 40's have always been my target audience, but I am dating too cool girls who are a lot of fun, and know about each other...they arent looking for mr right, they are looking for mr tonight and I am happy to oblige...unlike most of the boys they have dated, I have a job, a home, my ****e together, and I know where the clit is and how to lick it


----------

