# Together 9 Years Married 6



## RTS (Apr 24, 2009)

Hello, 

Things have gotten real bad in my marriage. I was my wife's first serious relationship, and her first and only person she had been intimate with. Every thing was good for the first several years and then in 2006 I took a new job as Vice President of a new finance company, I started the company up with the owner, It has been a lot of work and time but has been very financially rewarding. Also that year we had our first child together. (thus the new job) I have vowed to be a good provider for my family and a hard worker. Nevertheless between the high pressure job and the addition to our family and the changed emotions of a woman that had a child, things are a lot different then they were 9 years ago when I was partying it up in high school. I am trying to keep this as short as possible: So for most of my life I have had a social anxiety, I would cover it up by trying to hide it or as a teenager using recreational drugs( only pot nothing hard) or alcohol to hide the anxiety. When I had my daughter I decided it was time to grow up and make some changes, and leave the drugs and the "party life" behind, I always worked hard and played hard. Well the past 3 years the anxiety has gotten worse and I just started real medication for it because my wife tells me that she is no longer attracted to me because " i am always in a bad mood and tense or stressed out all the time" she is questioning her decision to marry me so young since she never got to be with anyone else emotionally or physically, so now she has stated that she loves me but does not think she is in love with me. yeah ouch. We have changed so much over the years from two high school kids looking for a party and a place to make out to a family with a depressed wife and a anxiety ridden husband. (she has been on depression medication for a year or so). I remember when we would laugh and could not keep our hands off of each other, and now its the total and complete opposite, I feel its my fault because I ignored "her cries for help" over the years and I was so caught up in being the provider for my family and taking care of the house and spending time with our daughter that I let our marriage go and now it looks like its almost gone and I dont know what to do! I have given up most of my hobbies and things I cared about in the past, I dont really have any time for me to find out who i am now, we have a very busy schedule and a active social life, there is no time for me or just us. We have decided to have a date night once a month, and I am working on communicating with her as I have not done in the past, I kept everything in because of my anxiety and need to get things done and not enough time to get them done. I dont know hopefully we have caught this before it went any further, but I am worried we did not, She seems to have a lot of resentment and pent up aggression. We have not been intimate for over a month, it was usually once or twice a month in the last year or so, but she has made it clear that we are no longer trying to have a second child as we were earlier this year, and she is" not turned on by a stressed out always angry person" so there is my life story any feedback would be appreciated.


----------



## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Depression and anxiety is very common with mothers (and fathers) of young children. I lived through it twice with our two kids. I wish there was a secret formula to get out of that rut, but I am still looking for answers myself. Medications, counseling, support groups are very helpful. Often, we try too hard, and just can't relax and just enjoy the simple things. To this date, the best therapy for my bad moods is hugging my son on my lap.


----------

