# Exit affair - what do you make of this?



## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

A friend of ours called my WS this morning to tell him his wife of not quite two years is leaving him for another man. He was only told hours ago, by his WW. He had not been suspicious.

WW is a SAHM to her children from a previous marriage; they have no children together and he has no bio kids at all. He is, however, very close to her kids. He describes the situation as the family he never had. He's in his early 50's and was married once before for about 10 years, no kids, marriage basically ended amicably, no cheating that I know of.

Our friend, the BS, works very long hours, is often out of town for work, and said he had no idea his WS was cheating. A few months back his WW went out of town for the day to make a large household purchase and now she's leaving the BS for the salesman . BS does not yet know OM's marital status. However, he has been told the OM rented a house for the WW and her kids in the OM's town, about two hours away. His WW is moving out today and into the house the OM has arranged for. I'm not sure but I'm guessing if the OM is single he will also be moving into this house. The WW's only income is the child support she receives from her first husband. The salesman OM works entirely on commission. 

An added twist to this story and FWIW, the BS learned about a month ago his WW has a criminal record; a couple of felonies, non-violent crimes which surely indicate her capacity for deceit. The BS found this out from someone else, had it looked into, and the story he was told checks out. I'm not sure how they were dealing with that aspect of things.

What I found odd was the WW just woke up this morning and told the BS she had been having a PA for a couple of months, who it was with, and that she was moving out with the kids today. When the BS asked what he had done to "push her into this," she said nothing. She had met the OM, they fell "in love," end of story.....nothing to do with our friend. Per our friend she had not been acting distant or moody, hadn't pushed him away, none of that. 

Why I find it odd is because it doesn't seem to fit into the typical affair mold; getting caught, denial and trickle truth, trying to cake eat, blah blah. She just came out with the confession and said what she intended to do, leave. 

Has anyone experienced or heard of this type of dday?


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

she sounds like a grifter that is just moving on to what she thinks is a bigger mark. 

I'd bet she'll be back when she realizes the salesman talks a big game, but doesn't pull in the kind of loot she's looking for.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

ReidWright said:


> she sounds like a grifter that is just moving on to what she thinks is a bigger mark.
> 
> I'd bet she'll be back when she realizes the salesman talks a big game, but doesn't pull in the kind of loot she's looking for.


I think your friends ww did him a favor.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ReidWright said:


> she sounds like a grifter that is just moving on to what she thinks is a bigger mark.
> 
> I'd bet she'll be back when she realizes the salesman talks a big game, but doesn't pull in the kind of loot she's looking for.


Word.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long did he date her before marrying her?

How long ago was his divorce from his first wife?

You said that he works away a lot. How many days a week/month was he usually gone?

This type of affair/exit is not something we see here often because its such a definite break and exit affair. It probably happens more often than we realize.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Find out if POS is M...if he is expose his worthless a** to his BW.

Then your friend can sit back and watch with some popcorn as his WW scrambles to find a landing place, as he divorces her and POS throws her under the bus to save himself.


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## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

TryingToRecover said:


> A friend of ours called my WS this morning to tell him his wife of not quite two years is leaving him for another man. He was only told hours ago, by his WW. He had not been suspicious.
> 
> WW is a SAHM to her children from a previous marriage; they have no children together and he has no bio kids at all. He is, however, very close to her kids. He describes the situation as the family he never had. He's in his early 50's and was married once before for about 10 years, no kids, marriage basically ended amicably, no cheating that I know of.
> 
> ...



Looks like a MLC, 

Shell be back very soon!

My advise, tell your frient to RUN, file for D ASAP


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## dental (Apr 16, 2014)

Smells like borderline.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

She is no doubt on telling part of the truth. He should check out the om and make a complaint with the furniture store. Tell him to put him on cheaterville.com and send the link to his boss.

Full steam ahead on the divorce.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

TryingToRecover said:


> A friend of ours called my WS this morning to tell him his wife of not quite two years is leaving him for another man. He was only told hours ago, by his WW. He had not been suspicious.
> 
> WW is a SAHM to her children from a previous marriage; they have no children together and he has no bio kids at all. He is, however, very close to her kids. He describes the situation as the family he never had. He's in his early 50's and was married once before for about 10 years, no kids, marriage basically ended amicably, no cheating that I know of.
> 
> ...


* 2 Years - not long - pretty telling that this woman's looking for the next big thing

* SAHM - standard-issue infidelity-symptom, here.

* Working long hours - ditto.

* This is a bit off: just like that, right out of the blue, she gets reeled in by a salesman and falls for him soon after? :scratchhead:


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## z_man (Nov 1, 2013)

Sounds like she is a materialista and found a better deal. This isn't her first go round.


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## JWTBL (May 28, 2014)

How sad for her kids, and your friend who got attached to them.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Well the greener grass never looks as green after they have walked on it for a while.

I wouldn't be surprised if in a few months time she calls your friend to say that she "made a bug mistake" that she "realizes now how much she loves him" and "wants to come back.

If he takes her back she'll probably do it again when her kids are of age and she looses her child support.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> How long did he date her before marrying her?
> 
> How long ago was his divorce from his first wife?
> 
> ...


His divorce took place in 2006 and he casually dated a few others before he met his now WW in 2008. They dated for 6-8 months and then moved in together sometime during 2009, married during latter part of 2012.

His work days can be 12-14 hours and out of town overnight 5-6 days a month.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

TryingToRecover said:


> What I found odd was the WW just woke up this morning and told the BS she had been having a PA for a couple of months, who it was with, and that she was moving out with the kids today. When the BS asked what he had done to "push her into this," she said nothing. She had met the OM, they fell "in love," end of story.....nothing to do with our friend.


It's a classic exit affair and it does happen.



TryingToRecover said:


> Why I find it odd is because it doesn't seem to fit into the typical affair mold; getting caught, denial and trickle truth, trying to cake eat, blah blah. She just came out with the confession and said what she intended to do, leave.


She had probably made up her mind a long time ago that she was going to leave the marriage for this OM and had been plotting it for awhile; you say a house was already secured, so yeah, it prob goes back some time. It's only new "news" to your friend who was seemingly blind-sided. That sucks. 

He deserves better though. Tell him to not try to hang on and let her go.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> Find out if POS is M...if he is expose his worthless a** to his BW.
> 
> Then your friend can sit back and watch with some popcorn as his WW scrambles to find a landing place, as he divorces her and POS throws her under the bus to save himself.


I have made this very suggestion, so we'll see. Right now our friend is still very much in shock.....I think he's known for about 24 hours now and is still very much stuck on the idea the affair is his own fault.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

z_man said:


> Sounds like she is a materialista and found a better deal. This isn't her first go round.


I definitely think she is. Has always been a high maintenance princess type, likes expensive stuff but would rather not work for those things herself. 

Our friend/the BS has money and is actually pretty set up, self-made. Thing is, he's cheap. He's looking toward a somewhat early retirement and therefore isn't a big spender. 

If anything, the potential difference between the BS and the OM is the OM is willing to spend whatever he has. My theory anyway, based on knowing what the WW is about.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

There are people out there that only think about what's best for themselves and have no conscience. 

You can only get away with that for so long before it comes back at you in spades.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

JWTBL said:


> How sad for her kids, and your friend who got attached to them.


:iagree:

This is the third time a couple of her kids have been uprooted from school to have to move to another, second time for the youngest. All due to mom and her moving around.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> She is no doubt on telling part of the truth. He should check out the om and make a complaint with the furniture store. Tell him to put him on cheaterville.com and send the link to his boss.
> 
> *Full steam ahead on the divorce*.


He's been told to get a lawyer ASAP. I hope he does this but he is not functioning well right now .


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

davecarter said:


> * 2 Years - not long - pretty telling that this woman's looking for the next big thing
> 
> * SAHM - standard-issue infidelity-symptom, here.
> 
> ...


This is what we've been told but I'm thinking there's probably more to the story that even the BS doesn't know/hasn't been told. 

A few months ago BS and WS decide on making this large purchase, BS tells the WS to take care of it. What I found odd is she went out of town to a smaller town to make the purchase when she easily could have found what they were looking for where they live. The only thing is the smaller town she went to is very near the even smaller town where she grew up and where she has to go every other weekend to do the kid drop off/pick up with her ex husband. 

I don't think the OM is her ex (her ex HATES her for a multitude of reasons), and FWIW he is also remarried. But I do think she may have known the OM, whoever he is, for longer than the few months she's claiming.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

TryingToRecover said:


> This is what we've been told but I'm thinking there's probably more to the story that even the BS doesn't know/hasn't been told.
> 
> A few months ago BS and WS decide on making this large purchase, BS tells the WS to take care of it. What I found odd is she went out of town to a smaller town to make the purchase when she easily could have found what they were looking for where they live. The only thing is the smaller town she went to is very near the even smaller town where she grew up and where she has to go every other weekend to do the kid drop off/pick up with her ex husband.
> 
> I don't think the OM is her ex (her ex HATES her for a multitude of reasons), and FWIW he is also remarried. But I do think she may have known the OM, whoever he is, for longer than the few months she's claiming.


Hmmm....after thinking this one over, it parallels my marriage breakdown:
*Nov 2012*: WW first _meets _OM
*Jan 15th 2013*: WW wants separation - BS (i.e. _Me_) moves out
*Mar 2013*: I find out via Facebook that WW and OM were together _Jan 21st 2013_.
Just six days after our 'official separation'

Go figure.
Yeah, it happens.
Cheaters are sneaky-as-fcuk.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> She is no doubt on telling part of the truth. He should check out the om and make a complaint with the furniture store. Tell him to put him on cheaterville.com and send the link to his boss.
> 
> Full steam ahead on the divorce.


If the H wants a divorce I'd not bother with revenge on the OM. I think that the OM has done him a favor and the Kahrma bus will be stopping for the OM fairly soon now.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

sidney2718 said:


> If the H wants a divorce I'd not bother with revenge on the OM. I think that the OM has done him a favor and the Kahrma bus will be stopping for the OM fairly soon now.


Right at this moment he doesn't want a divorce but then again, his world's just been turned upside down. 

Our friend isn't used to being chumped, per se, in any aspect of life. He's accustomed to being successful professionally and personally; has a bit of an ego but isn't typically an a**hole. I can imagine revenge might very well be on the table once he reaches the pissed off stage. But depending on the situation, it might be directed more at his WW rather than her OM. If they do divorce and if the BS's personality remains consistent, she shouldn't expect to benefit much.

Speaking of divorce, I am almost certain the BS mentioned that he did have a prenup drawn up prior to marrying his WW. No idea what it contains or anything but if memory serves, she did sign it without issue. I wouldn't describe our friend as particularly rich but certainly well off - has always been a hard working guy and has done very well for himself. He's 50 and could retire now but likes working. 

I'm not familiar with prenups other than very generally. In retrospect, his WW being willing to sign a prenup seems odd given the fact she has always seemed to be a gold digger. That is, unless the prenup was generous toward her in some respect. Have no idea.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

In spite of the cascade of emotions tearing him apart he must immediately get a lawyer on board to protect his assets.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

commonsenseisn't said:


> In spite of the cascade of emotions tearing him apart he must immediately get a lawyer on board to protect his assets.


:iagree:

Both of us have stressed that to him, as I'm sure others in his life have, but I don't know what he's really hearing right now. 

One thing I have noted and I'm not surprised by, he's placing all the blame on the OM right now, saying his WW must have been manipulated into the affair by the OM.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I would think the unusual part of this is that she wasn't caught before she bolted. But I guess it happens more often than we realize.

This WW is simply morally bankrupt; treating marriages as though she were swinging from rope to rope - not letting go of one until she has grabbed another one. People who engage in this type of exit affair are truly despicable cowards. 

Sorry for your friend. I hope he'll realize soon enough that he's better off.


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## squareone (Aug 29, 2014)

badmemory said:


> I would think the unusual part of this is that she wasn't caught before she bolted. But I guess it happens more often than we realize.
> 
> This WW is simply morally bankrupt; treating marriages as though she were swinging from rope to rope - not letting go of one until she has grabbed another one. *People who engage in this type of exit affair are truly despicable cowards.*
> 
> Sorry for your friend. I hope he'll realize soon enough that he's better off.


Cut, paste, print, hang on mirror.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

She saw opportunity and she took it. Very possible she could come crawling back if this fails.

Your friend would be silly if he took her back.

Sounds like she did your friend a favour


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

TryingToRecover said:


> I definitely think she is. Has always been a high maintenance princess type, likes expensive stuff but would rather not work for those things herself.
> 
> Our friend/the BS has money and is actually pretty set up, self-made. Thing is, he's cheap. He's looking toward a somewhat early retirement and therefore isn't a big spender.
> 
> If anything, the potential difference between the BS and the OM is the OM is willing to spend whatever he has. My theory anyway, based on knowing what the WW is about.


If he wants to retire early his best course of action would be to divorce her now. Depending on how is prenup is written he could be protected but she probably doesnt realize yet the prenup that she signed. When they jump into affairland they dont think about things like that in the beginning.

Once she realizes that she will probably attempt to come back. He will probably run into this again with her in the future on the next guy who buys her something shiney and pretty. If he is cheap and she is a spender they will always clash about that. 

Given his job situation and being gone that much she will just repeat this pattern if she comes back. She has too much free time. She will play house with him when he is home and when away play house with someone else. My father worked out of the country and would be gone a great deal and I watched my Mom do this exact pattern to him.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

badmemory said:


> *I would think the unusual part of this is that she wasn't caught before she bolted. But I guess it happens more often than we realize.
> *
> This WW is simply morally bankrupt; treating marriages as though she were swinging from rope to rope - not letting go of one until she has grabbed another one. People who engage in this type of exit affair are truly despicable cowards.
> 
> Sorry for your friend. I hope he'll realize soon enough that he's better off.


Yep, it really seems like our friend had no idea. He said she never acted moody or otherwise out of the ordinary, was still very affectionate up through the night before she announced she was leaving. Sex life had not slacked off either, per what he told my WS. The BS trusted her and I doubt he looked into her internet or cell activity prior to dday. It sounds like he truly had the rug pulled out from underneath him. 

I believe due to him working long hours, trusting her, and being busy with house and kids in their off time, along with the WW not acting suspiciously, all contributed to the BS not having a clue something was going on. 

What's sad is her children are close to him, they have a good relationship with him as well as their bio dad. Two of them are only of grade school age and are probably confused as h*ll to be uprooted once again. Another "new daddy."


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

Sports Fan said:


> She saw opportunity and she took it. *Very possible she could come crawling back if this fails*.
> 
> *Your friend would be silly if he took her back.*
> 
> Sounds like she did your friend a favour


That's what we predict will happen should this blow up in her face. If she were to do this anytime soon, our friend would more than likely let her back. 

Additionally, she has a major problem which prevents her from being employed in the capacity in which she was educated for. The nature of the problem actually bars her from many employment avenues, limiting her ability to earn a decent income on her own. Aside from the fact she doesn't want to work anyway. I don't want to be too specific but other things she has done have also recently come out of the woodwork. It's not been a good time for our friend lately.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

honcho said:


> If he wants to retire early his best course of action would be to divorce her now. Depending on how is prenup is written he could be protected but she probably doesnt realize yet the prenup that she signed. When they jump into affairland they dont think about things like that in the beginning.
> 
> Once she realizes that she will probably attempt to come back. He will probably run into this again with her in the future on the next guy who buys her something shiney and pretty. If he is cheap and she is a spender they will always clash about that.
> 
> Given his job situation and being gone that much she will just repeat this pattern if she comes back. She has too much free time. She will play house with him when he is home and when away play house with someone else. My father worked out of the country and would be gone a great deal and I watched my Mom do this exact pattern to him.


I'm afraid he's going to try and work it out with her should she give the slightest indication it's a possibility. She knows his weak spot is her children, he truly cares about them and she would use this to her advantage, I'm sure.

I hope the prenup protects him, he hasn't said much about it yet.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

TryingToRecover said:


> That's what we predict will happen should this blow up in her face. If she were to do this anytime soon, our friend would more than likely let her back.
> 
> Additionally, she has a major problem which prevents her from being employed in the capacity in which she was educated for. The nature of the problem actually bars her from many employment avenues, limiting her ability to earn a decent income on her own. Aside from the fact she doesn't want to work anyway. I don't want to be too specific but other things she has done have also recently come out of the woodwork. It's not been a good time for our friend lately.


My mother had a "major problem" also so she couldnt work and got barred from working in that field. And she never wanted to work anyway.

When my Dad was home she played the happy wife and everything in married life is good. The day he would leave town right over to the OM and did the same thing with him. 

I wouldnt be shocked if the OM ends up being an old boyfriend who recently divorced or separated. They have probably had an on again/off again relationship for years. When hes available she will run to him.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

honcho said:


> My mother had a "major problem" also so she couldnt work and got barred from working in that field. And she never wanted to work anyway.
> 
> When my Dad was home she played the happy wife and everything in married life is good. The day he would leave town right over to the OM and did the same thing with him.
> 
> *I wouldnt be shocked if the OM ends up being an old boyfriend who recently divorced or separated. They have probably had an on again/off again relationship for years. When hes available she will run to him*.


That's been my feeling since we found out. The town she moved to earlier this week is very close to this really small town she grew up in. I could be wrong but my hunch is it is someone she's known for a long time. Much longer than the few months this affair has been taking place.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

TryingToRecover said:


> That's been my feeling since we found out. The town she moved to earlier this week is very close to this really small town she grew up in. I could be wrong but my hunch is it is someone she's known for a long time. Much longer than the few months this affair has been taking place.


My moms was the old high school "first love". Useless clown and everytime he got divorced guess who popped into her life. He got divorced 3 times I think


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

If your friend is under the delusion that he could work it out with her, then use that to your advantage when you talk to him about kicking her to the curb.

She's still in the affair fog. So, tell him to get the divorce immediately. She'll still be all about living happily ever after with the OM and probably wouldn't contest the divorce. Right now, everything is roses in OM land. If your friend makes THAT much money that it required him to get her to sign a prenup in order to protect his interests, then she won't be stupid to that either. 

If things cool of with OM and she notices that OM commissions isn't that great, she might look to file for a legal separation and not a divorce. Therefore, your friend might be required to pay her while they're separated. Because they're not divorced, the prenup won't come into play. Therefore, your friend might be paying her rent and utilities while her and OM live off of his dime.


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