# I do but he doesn't



## iwantababy601 (Jan 10, 2014)

I want to start trying for a baby but Husband says no. The main reason we got married so soon (his idea) was because I have a limited time to get pregnant without complications or having to have surgery again. How should I talk to him about it? I just want to be mom.
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why does he say no now?

C
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## iwantababy601 (Jan 10, 2014)

PBear said:


> Why does he say no now?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_

Now he's "not ready"


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I hate to say it but this may be a dealbreaker... 

You gotta talk to him and tell him how you feel. 

I don't think there is ANYTHING WORSE than having a kid with someone who doesn't not want them..............


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Interesting that there's no "love" mentioned in the relationship or reason to get married... But he's an ass, in any case. You'll just have to sit him down and discuss this. And how important it is to you. If you lay out a boundary, be prepared to enforce it, though. 

How long have you been married? How long did you date?

C
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## iwantababy601 (Jan 10, 2014)

We've been married since this past June and have been together for 3 years.

I love him with all my heart and we were already engaged I just have problems with my ovaries and have to have surgery to "clean out" my uterus and he was so afraid that we wouldn't be able to have children if I had to keep having the surgery (very likely with this problem) so he asked if we could get married sooner than later (didn't want a baby outside of marriage). The dr gave me 6 months of "extreme fertility" and up to a year after surgery to have a baby before I would have to start the process over again. I'm not saying I can't wait but he was so for it and I was really excited and now he's just wanting to push off until we're "financially ready." I guess I've just got baby on the brain so bad that I don't want to wait any longer. It's not like I'm "too old" (22 and he's 21). I just want to start our own family and share all the love I have for him with a baby.
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Realistically, are you "financially ready"?

C
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw... Having a kid at 21 would have scared the bejesus out of me. But then he was an ass for agreeing to it in the first place. 

C
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## iwantababy601 (Jan 10, 2014)

We are waaay more ready than we were when he started talking about a baby. We both work full time now and at great jobs. We have a house and we make sure the bills are paid and have money left for whatever we want/need to spend it on. It's not like before when we lived paycheck to paycheck. I think he's overwhelmed. At least once a day everyday someone asks him about it and he just wants to spend some more alone time before sharing each other. I understand that but I want more than just us and our dog lol
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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

You have age on your side. Yes you may have ongoing issues to deal with as far as reproductive surgery (is it polops?) But with the advances that have been made in the past decade alone, getting assistance with concieving is becoming more accessable and (slowly) more affordable.
I understand where you are coming from, I have PCOS and have just turned 29. My Dh and I have been married for 2 years and have been trying for over that time now and it can be very emotionally draining. BUT... I would be waiting if I were in your position. He made an a$$ move by changing his mind for the immeadiate future, but I would ask him what his time frame would be before trying for a baby. If you can deal with his timeline and you feel you can sacrifice that time then respect your husbands wishes. If you can't then as Jellybeans said- this could be your deal breaker. 
Good luck


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

The doctor told my sister at 19 she had extreme scarring of the fallopian tubes and probably wouldn't be able to get pregnant naturally. She went into panic mode and had no trouble having three of them without any help. Now maybe if she wasn't in such a panic she could've found sperm donors that weren't pieces 'o sheet, but I digress. Just sayin that nature has a way with these things.
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## iwantababy601 (Jan 10, 2014)

At one point I had 20 cysts on my ovaries and one dr told me she couldn't do anything and that I would never get pregnant. That was at 19. After wallowing I finally found a dr that actually checked everything and found endometriosis on top of all the cysts. He removed everything and said that I shouldn't have a problem conceiving but I should try within the year otherwise we'd have to start over. I'm also in terrible pain almost all day everyday. Dr said once pregnant it should clear up and not happen anymore. It just hurts a bunch and is crappy. I can wait I just want to get a time frame from home. He just doesn't want to talk about it because everyone we know is bombarding us with baby questions and why we aren't trying.
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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

This is where you both need to communicate the most- you need to talk to each other about your expectations and life goals. That is what married couples do. 
Also, you need to learn some come backs when people are bombarding you both with baby questions. You could say anything from 'why is it so important that you need to know?' to 'We are still very young'. While it's natural for close friends/ family to be curious, I feel it's inappropriate to be blatantly asking someone about that when it's not anyone else's business but yours and DH's.
I would be pushing this with your DH, you have every right to know what he wants and where that will leave you.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> The doctor told my sister at 19 she had extreme scarring of the fallopian tubes and probably wouldn't be able to get pregnant naturally. She went into panic mode and had no trouble having three of them without any help. Now maybe if she wasn't in such a panic she could've found sperm donors that weren't pieces 'o sheet, but I digress. Just sayin that nature has a way with these things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Totally get what you are saying, but nature doesn't always work out the way we would assume. 
I was told at 21 I'd have no problem getting pregnant even with having 30 cysts on each ovary and don't ovulate ever on my own without fertility meds... yet here we are years down the track and still no baby. 
At least your sister was very lucky to beat the 'odd's' and has lovely kids out of it.
The process of building a family (or trying to) is different for everyone, you just have to do what is right for you OP. But you do have to respect your husbands wishes too, if you can talk it out and determine what his timeline looks like and if you can deal with that or not.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The timing is not right for him apparently although he thought it was. He's very young and so are you. No one should be questioning you about whether you are trying to get pregnant.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

My friend's husband does not want a baby. She did not tell him she got off birth control pills. She got pregnant. He is a happy dad now.


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