# New member, hello everyone!



## acuteanalysis (Aug 13, 2018)

Got divorced about a year and a half ago, around 40 years old.

I initiated the divorce mostly due to feeling that all my requests were being ignored and after 10 years
I had had enough. I was never the paternal type, but my wife really wanted children and toward the
end of things I decided to give in feeling guilt that she probably would not have time to find another
partner and have children and although she never mentioned it prior to the marriage afterward she made
it quite clear that it was the priority. I worked 12 hour days for most of the marriage and part time on the
weekends (she didn't want to work) and she would say things like "I need a baby because I need someone
to talk to and you don't talk to me." Or "I need a baby because you won't take care of me when I get older."
I felt I was fairly open, but obviously considering my work schedule, I suppose she could have felt that way.
Now she claims those were jokes, but at the time I took it seriously and there was no laughter on her part.
This will probably sound like a troll, but I did make an effort, I found myself talking about Brad Pitt and 
Angelina Jolie a lot who I really could care less about, but mostly when I talked about non celebrity topics
she didn't seem to have much interest.

So anyway, we had the children (twins), and I kind of unilatirealy decided I would stay and help her raise them for two years and then I would leave. Naturally I had developed a bond with my daughters, but I still felt I had to go or I was going to regret it. Even though she's independently wealthy I let her keep all the property and moved a good distance away. She agreed to no child support, but I promised to give her a portion of a somewhat substantial inheritance I will be receiving for their upkeep (it still hasn't gone through the courts yet, but I don't think this is a factor in our relationship at this point). She frequently emails me and tells me I need to come back and help her raise the babies and for the past few months she has said that if I don't come back she will cut off all contact and she will move somewhere where I will not be able to see them again. (I have only visited once due to work and distance, but I keep in contact through video calling). 

At first I didn't take it seriously, but after talking with her on the phone recently, I am convinced this is exactly what she will do. So I'm at a loss of what to do here. If the shoe was on the other foot I can't imagine I would restrict contact from her unless she was psychotic. Is this normal for women to do this? I'm concerned that even if I returned for the sake of my daughters, I may not be dealing with a mentally healthy individual. Naturally with her resources she had much better legal representation and was able to secure full custody, but she agreed verbally that I could see them any time I wanted. I have told her repeatedly if she no longer wants the children, I would be happy to raise them on my own, or we could split and she could have one daughter and I could have the other. This is something she rejected completely.

I don't know if the new member forum is the best place for this, but this is why I'm here. I hope I can get some good insight and advice.

Thank you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hi, your thread is probably better in the General Relationship Discussion forum. Once you post here that you have seen my post, I'll move it for you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What does your divorce settlement say about how you are to share legal and physical custody?

Are you saying that in the last year and a half you have only seen your daughters once?

Is your ex a lot better off financially than you are? You say that you are going to get a large inheritance, but it sounds like otherwise, she's better off financially. Is that right?

How far away do you live from your children?

I'm not sure that it's wise to give her your inheritance. While you should be helping to raise your children, to include the cost of raising them, an inheritance should go directly to your daughters, not to your ex.

Have you talked about all this with a lawyer, it seems like this is the first think you should do. And you should do it ASAP.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If you're in the State's, she's literally going to play hell getting carte blanche to take those kids across state lines for residency purposes without a trial or a hearing!

That being said, you need to procure legal counsel to help you insure that that doesn't happen!*


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You need a lawyer, not a forum.


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