# What did you need from friends and family



## pippen (Jun 2, 2011)

To help you through the first stage of seperation? Were you able to ask for help from them and tell them what you really needed in way of support? I am going O/S to help my brother through his seperation and have no idea what is waiting for me at the other end. I think he just really needs someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on and some looking after and help with the legal and property stuff. What was the things that mattered to you good folk during this period?


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## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

The first thing I needed was someone to talk to. Don't offer solutions or opinions, just listen and let him talk. Whatever stage he is at, agree with him and let him work it out on his own schedule. There is nothing worse than having your support system telling you things you are not ready to hear. It makes you not want to talk with people. He will get to the logical conclusion about what to do on his own. 

It really sucks to have someone you love be betrayed by someone they loved. You will want to make him feel better by telling him things that he doesn't want to hear. In some ways the family of the person going through this is hurt just as much. My parents started talking badly about my wife and I didn't appreciate it. I listened because they are my parents, but I still had resentment because of it. 

So, I would say the three best things that you can do are: listen without trying to fix, help him do things to get his mind off of the separation (fun or self-improvement things like a movie with no marriage stuff in it or just take a walk), and ask him what he would like you to do to help out. Don't push anything, it will be tough dealing with this, but he will be okay in the end no matter what happens.


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

That is great advice, my sister was perfect, cause she is a no nonsense kind of person, she told me that I was not only one responsible for this situation, listened to me, made me come watch movies. Took me for walks. Checks in with me at random times. Says she is sorry, but doesn't talk bad about my H


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## pippen (Jun 2, 2011)

Thanks guys. I was thinking of taking him away on a trip to Rarotonga or Fiji but his lawyer told him not to leave the country. I try to focus my concerns about his ex on her behaviour, which is pretty shocking ATM as she is a lovely person, but very damaged. He doesn't really want me to see her when I am there as he said he needs me on his team and I fully support his needs on that but I do need to maintain a certain level of communication with her so she understands I am not out to get her as she is not that rational at the moment.


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