# Cunnilingus..



## 35898 (Mar 12, 2012)

Oral sex. My husband doesn't want to do it... It's odd to me. We have been married for a little over a year now and until now, I've ignored it. But our sex life is becoming less and less interesting. I am ALWAYS horny, always willing to have sex, so I always give him what he wants. I love going down on him, but since he won't do the same for me, I've stopped, which upsets him, but not enough to do it for me. 
He says that he has a phobia of bodily fluids. He couldn't eat/drink after anyone until he went to Iraq, where he had to drink water from a shared canteen... 

But now he's fine with that, and he loves to kiss me, so I really don't know what the deal is. I always keep it clean down there, I bathe and shave at least once every day. I eat well, exercise, and the doctor said that everything checks out down there, no infections.
What am I supposed to say to him? He says I shouldn't make him do something he doesn't want to do, but he won't even try it. In my opinion it's not fair, because he has an orgasm every time we have sex(and whenever I used to go down on him), but I'm not so lucky.

Oh, also, he doesn't like touching down there with his hands... he says it "feels weird"...


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## contemplating divorce (Mar 12, 2012)

hithereimstephanie said:


> Oral sex. My husband doesn't want to do it... It's odd to me. We have been married for a little over a year now and until now, I've ignored it. But our sex life is becoming less and less interesting. I am ALWAYS horny, always willing to have sex, so I always give him what he wants. I love going down on him, but since he won't do the same for me, I've stopped, which upsets him, but not enough to do it for me.
> He says that he has a phobia of bodily fluids. He couldn't eat/drink after anyone until he went to Iraq, where he had to drink water from a shared canteen...
> 
> But now he's fine with that, and he loves to kiss me, so I really don't know what the deal is. I always keep it clean down there, I bathe and shave at least once every day. I eat well, exercise, and the doctor said that everything checks out down there, no infections.
> ...


WOW! Did you type that or did I? I am in the same boat. Never had this issue with a man before this one. The first time we had sex 5 years ago, I didn't think anything about it when he wanted to lay on his back & I had to be up on my knees while he performed oral for a very short amount of time. I knew it wasn't great or even good, but I chalked it up to him being nervous. I really liked him because he was such a sweet guy, so I thought he would get more comfortable as time went by. Boy was I wrong. He got out the video camera while in the hot tub at the cabin to record me on him, then when it was his turn, he came up w/ the excuse that it has to be completely shaven, which it was & super cleaned by what felt like 200 degree H2O. So now what? He said it hurts his tongue to have to keep it out like that & it hurts his neck & throat to stretch like that. Becoming paranoid that maybe it was an issue w/ me, I went to doc & got clean bill of health, so all is well down there. I even started eating foods that pleasantly alter the flavor down there. After many conversations about it & then many arguments as well, he finally said that he doesn't like to perform oral sex because he doesn't know if he would like how HE tastes & he doesn't want to go there after he has entered there, so I told him to do it first as part of foreplay. He kisses me after I have performed oral on him. Needless to say, I haven't been kissed for a while as I decided not to perform if he doesn't. I am on STRIKE! (which sorta sux for me as I love performing


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## Mike_O (Aug 3, 2011)

First, congrats to you for thinking about hygiene - not everyone is as considerate as you.

Second, I suspect there are other issues (lack of knowledge, maturity, desire, etc.) involved here - these guys need to come to this forum and spend some time reading!

Third, check out this thread for an optimistic story:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/41686-he-has-started-liking-oral.html


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

contemplating divorce said:


> WOW! Did you type that or did I? I am in the same boat. Never had this issue with a man before this one. The first time we had sex 5 years ago, I didn't think anything about it when he wanted to lay on his back & I had to be up on my knees while he performed oral for a very short amount of time. I knew it wasn't great or even good, but I chalked it up to him being nervous. I really liked him because he was such a sweet guy, so I thought he would get more comfortable as time went by. Boy was I wrong. He got out the video camera while in the hot tub at the cabin to record me on him, then when it was his turn, he came up w/ the excuse that it has to be completely shaven, which it was & super cleaned by what felt like 200 degree H2O. So now what? He said it hurts his tongue to have to keep it out like that & it hurts his neck & throat to stretch like that. Becoming paranoid that maybe it was an issue w/ me, I went to doc & got clean bill of health, so all is well down there. I even started eating foods that pleasantly alter the flavor down there. After many conversations about it & then many arguments as well, he finally said that he doesn't like to perform oral sex because he doesn't know if he would like how HE tastes & he doesn't want to go there after he has entered there, so I told him to do it first as part of foreplay. He kisses me after I have performed oral on him. Needless to say, I haven't been kissed for a while as I decided not to perform if he doesn't. I am on STRIKE! (which sorta sux for me as I love performing


some guy are p*$$y$ about eating P*$$ y

and this is a war vet. he can dodge bullets but can't muster the courage to munch your box?

:scratchhead:


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

I think it's funny how people respond to a woman who gives, but does not get, versus a man who gives but does not get.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

I love doing it to my wife and I can stay there for ever,watching her face and the movements her body is making. 

Did your husbands do it before you were married ?If your husband does do it again just go crazy with excitement so he can see and hear how good it makes you feel even if he is not that good at it,so that way he will want to keep doing it[don't go over board,ha ha]. How about have him take a shower with you and wash you then turn the water off and push his head down.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If this is how you orgasm, this will be really really hard on you, not sure what to tell you , I would feel rejected and hurt if my husband didn't want to do that ....and I have a hard time even getting off that way -but still cherish the fact he wants to be there.

I wouldn't give him his anymore... get the whip cream out, pour some chocolate down there, think anything like that might help?

I did a quick google search: 

Can I learn to enjoy the taste of vagina? - sex cunnilingus vagina | Ask MetaFilter

.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I don't know. I don't know how you get someone to do something that they do not really want to do.

I do know that putting up walls and building resentment does not get you any closer to what you want. But being open and caring, taking it at a pace that allows your spouse to feel trusted and safe, and tearing down the walls of resentment is one place to start.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Ahhhhh WTF? I just cannot fathom men who don't like giving oral.. Blows my mind!! And not fingers either??? Sheesh....


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## koolasma (Mar 11, 2012)

nice topiccccccc  heheh interesting replies as well..


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## cgh (Jan 18, 2012)

well, first up not all guys are actually into it. not all women are into oral either.
there is plenty more things to do that can spice things up for you.
dont force him to do something he doesnt want to.
either that or tie him to a chair and facesit him, but i wouldnt recommend that either.

just sit down and talk to him.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

cgh said:


> either that or tie him to a chair and facesit him


Sounds like the start of a good evening to me


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## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

Personally, I love going down on my wife. She seems to quite enjoy plus she will start to play with herself and I will tease her back side, but she does not want me to insert anything anally and I respect that. From previous experiences with other women you could not get me down there for a minute, they stunk!


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

As a male, this does not compute. I love giving oral to my wife, probably more than she likes receiving (which really confuses me as she always has mind blowing orgasms when I give her oral). 
Expecting to receive oral when you are not willing to give oral is a sign of immaturity or of a real psychological hang up (phobia?). I agree that unless he is willing to reciprocate, he should not be lucky enough to receive from you.
The argument about "you shouldn't make me do something that I don't want to do" does not hold water in my opinion. Not in this case.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

hithereimstephanie said:


> ...He says that he has a phobia of bodily fluids....
> 
> Oh, also, he doesn't like touching down there with his hands... he says it "feels weird"...


Well now. I guess you find yourself in quite a pickle.

Much as I think the situation is horrible... you married this guy and knew what you were getting into - now you want to change him? I simply cant resist saying.. 'WHAT were you thinking?'.

anyway... maybe try and get some 'toys' into the act to help out? AT least that would... uhm, 'get you there'. Who knows, maybe he won't think its too 'weird'.


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## Randy52 (Oct 15, 2011)

I also do not understand a guy who does not go down on his wife. This is one of my absolute favorite things to do and when I get the opportunity, I will stay down until wife can't take any more and makes me stop. Sometimes I practically beg her for the chance to go down. The stiff neck and sore tongue the next morning are well worth it!!!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

what burns my britches are people who don't like to give oral but will accept it freely and even request it.

I say you got to give to get! and for women who don't orgasm with out oral well then they should be motivated to get over their hang ups about giving.if not then you wern't compatible sexually


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## Lost in Hell (Mar 6, 2012)

I never really had a problem giving oral to my wife. I most definitely had no idea what I was doing when I started though. Sort of just imitating things I saw in movies. I had no idea what actually got her off. I was blindly going to town. Open communication back and forth over a period of time, and me reading everything I could on the female orgasm made me better understand everything. After I learned what she wanted I made it my personal goal to get her to climax with strictly oral, as many times as I could. :smthumbup: I put her O in front of mine. I was obsessed. 

Try to show him exactly how you would pleasure yourself. Let him watch. Tell him how good it makes you feel. He may be just like I was, clueless. I assume he will be aroused. It was always a huge turn on for me to watch my wife. This helped really learn how to give her what she wanted. I was clueless how to really work the equipment before that. (Thanks Porn) Over time he may get more comfortable with the thought of it. 

Maybe incorporate his hand into yours when you work the spot. Have him kiss everything around it, but leave the final step to him. When he is comfortable he will dive in.

It will be small steps along the way, but when he finally comes around you may need to have a broom handy to keep him off of you.


Forgot to add-if he says it feels weird to him, let him know how good it feels for him to touch you there and how turned on you are. If he really wants to please you he will eventually give in, albeit in small steps, but anything is better than nothing.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you have to ask a guy how he feels about cunnilingus, he probably doesn't like it very much. No woman has ever asked me that question, probably because I was busy doing it. Guys are easier to train than a ****er spaniel. Next time he goes down, act like he's a natural master at it. Almost every guy wants to feel like he's some kind of sexual dynamo. Link that with cunnilingus and you've got your problem licked.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

contemplating divorce said:


> WOW! Did you type that or did I? I am in the same boat. Never had this issue with a man before this one. The first time we had sex 5 years ago, I didn't think anything about it when he wanted to lay on his back & I had to be up on my knees while he performed oral for a very short amount of time. I knew it wasn't great or even good, but I chalked it up to him being nervous. I really liked him because he was such a sweet guy, so I thought he would get more comfortable as time went by. Boy was I wrong. He got out the video camera while in the hot tub at the cabin to record me on him, then when it was his turn, he came up w/ the excuse that it has to be completely shaven, which it was & super cleaned by what felt like 200 degree H2O. So now what? He said it hurts his tongue to have to keep it out like that & it hurts his neck & throat to stretch like that. Becoming paranoid that maybe it was an issue w/ me, I went to doc & got clean bill of health, so all is well down there. I even started eating foods that pleasantly alter the flavor down there. After many conversations about it & then many arguments as well, he finally said that he doesn't like to perform oral sex because he doesn't know if he would like how HE tastes & he doesn't want to go there after he has entered there, so I told him to do it first as part of foreplay. He kisses me after I have performed oral on him. Needless to say, I haven't been kissed for a while as I decided not to perform if he doesn't. I am on STRIKE! (which sorta sux for me as I love performing


Sad, sad, sad. If my wife said you need to go down on me and I'll rock your world, sign me up. Makes zero sense to me, but then again I'm a hd male who doesn't find anything about a woman icky. Someone needs to write a book that helps LD men and women man/woman up in the bedroom. It shouldn't be that complicated. If your mate likes it, go for it and rock their socks off. Isn't turning their crank, rocking their world and making the go crosseyed worth a few minutes of something you don't care for? sex is certainly more fun than dishes, c'mon and take one for the team!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## contemplating divorce (Mar 12, 2012)

phantomfan said:


> Sad, sad, sad. If my wife said you need to go down on me and I'll rock your world, sign me up. Makes zero sense to me, but then again I'm a hd male who doesn't find anything about a woman icky. Someone needs to write a book that helps LD men and women man/woman up in the bedroom. It shouldn't be that complicated. If your mate likes it, go for it and rock their socks off. Isn't turning their crank, rocking their world and making the go crosseyed worth a few minutes of something you don't care for? sex is certainly more fun than dishes, c'mon and take one for the team!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 I am an ORAL ADDICT so I know it's my fault for being addicted to performing oral & that's why I did it so many times for my current husband w/o receiving in return. At least 300 for him compared to 5 for me in 5 years? I was sacrificing & settling, but I refuse to anymore. It's time that he grows up & stops being so selfish. His most recent excuse now is that he is just not that coordinated. He says it's especially hard for him to use his mouth & fingers at the same time, so he just wants to use his fingers. He says he is better with his hands. The few times that he has gone down felt pretty good, but lasted no more than a minute, and then he is ready to enter me. I have now learned that he is so proud of what he thinks his penis can do that he has told me that a woman shouldn't need oral or foreplay from him as his penis can do everything all in itself. "It" is average size so that confuses me. So, I thought I would try his "I am better with my hands" approach & only used my hand & lubrication on him. He kept trying to push my head down there. I said "See, it just doesn't feel quite as good without the mouth does it?" 
I think that I may have spoiled him & created this orally selfish creature myself. He gets oral while driving, while watching sports or UFC, during a movie, when he is sick, when he just needs relief, before he gets in the shower, after he gets out of the shower, every time before sex, when I am on that lovely time of month, even 2 days after I came home from the hospital after major surgery, every room in the house, on the stairs, up against the wall in the master bedroom where sweat marks are still apparent from running down the wall after I tied him up, shoved him against the wall & ravaged him, and last but not least........I studied everything about prostate milking for men's health , & I do that too! Best orgasms EVER for him he says. He ripped a hole in my sheets the other night when he climaxed! PLEASE research this if you aren't aware of it. It is AMAZING. I am completely uninhibited so I have no problem doing this for him & if done no more than 2X a wk, it is great for a man's health. (Worn your wife if she lets you ejaculate during oral as it can be a large amount.)
He still says that I am the best he has ever had in bed of all the women he has been w/ & that was a huge deciding factor as to why he knew he had to marry me, lol. So........hmmmmmm...........lazy? 1) He only wants to do oral on me if he is lying down & I am on my knees over him 2)He would prefer to lay down beside me & use his hand 3) He wants to lay down to be serviced 4) He wants me on top all the time while he lays down 5) When he climaxes, I have to finish him orally WHILE HE IS ON HIS BACK. 
When he has done it, I have told him how good it feels. I am vocal if something feels good, so he had no doubt that I was enjoying it. He has recorded me during sex & you would think I was a porn star, lol. I love to talk dirty during sex so I am comfortable w/ giving him hot & sexy directions. He said he doesn't like being given instructions because it means I am telling him that he doesn't know what he is doing. Which he doesn't know my body & he said all female bodies are alike so he knows what to do. I have always asked the guy explicit details as to how they like oral. Slow, fast, hard, soft, most sensitive spots, one hand, two hands, swallow, money shot, how they like their "fellas" handled, swallow, money shot, or e) all of the above.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

contemplating divorce said:


> I am an ORAL ADDICT so I know it's my fault for being addicted to performing oral & that's why I did it so many times for my current husband w/o receiving in return. At least 300 for him compared to 5 for me in 5 years? I was sacrificing & settling, but I refuse to anymore. It's time that he grows up & stops being so selfish. His most recent excuse now is that he is just not that coordinated. He says it's especially hard for him to use his mouth & fingers at the same time, so he just wants to use his fingers. He says he is better with his hands. The few times that he has gone down felt pretty good, but lasted no more than a minute, and then he is ready to enter me. I have now learned that he is so proud of what he thinks his penis can do that he has told me that a woman shouldn't need oral or foreplay from him as his penis can do everything all in itself. "It" is average size so that confuses me. So, I thought I would try his "I am better with my hands" approach & only used my hand & lubrication on him. He kept trying to push my head down there. I said "See, it just doesn't feel quite as good without the mouth does it?"
> I think that I may have spoiled him & created this orally selfish creature myself. He gets oral while driving, while watching sports or UFC, during a movie, when he is sick, when he just needs relief, before he gets in the shower, after he gets out of the shower, every time before sex, when I am on that lovely time of month, even 2 days after I came home from the hospital after major surgery, every room in the house, on the stairs, up against the wall in the master bedroom where sweat marks are still apparent from running down the wall after I tied him up, shoved him against the wall & ravaged him, and last but not least........I studied everything about prostate milking for men's health , & I do that too! Best orgasms EVER for him he says. He ripped a hole in my sheets the other night when he climaxed! PLEASE research this if you aren't aware of it. It is AMAZING. I am completely uninhibited so I have no problem doing this for him & if done no more than 2X a wk, it is great for a man's health. (Worn your wife if she lets you ejaculate during oral as it can be a large amount.)
> He still says that I am the best he has ever had in bed of all the women he has been w/ & that was a huge deciding factor as to why he knew he had to marry me, lol. So........hmmmmmm...........lazy? 1) He only wants to do oral on me if he is lying down & I am on my knees over him 2)He would prefer to lay down beside me & use his hand 3) He wants to lay down to be serviced 4) He wants me on top all the time while he lays down 5) When he climaxes, I have to finish him orally WHILE HE IS ON HIS BACK.
> When he has done it, I have told him how good it feels. I am vocal if something feels good, so he had no doubt that I was enjoying it. He has recorded me during sex & you would think I was a porn star, lol. I love to talk dirty during sex so I am comfortable w/ giving him hot & sexy directions. He said he doesn't like being given instructions because it means I am telling him that he doesn't know what he is doing. Which he doesn't know my body & he said all female bodies are alike so he knows what to do. I have always asked the guy explicit details as to how they like oral. Slow, fast, hard, soft, most sensitive spots, one hand, two hands, swallow, money shot, how they like their "fellas" handled, swallow, money shot, or e) all of the above.


As a guy I get his POV to a certain extent. We don't want to suck at something so directions can be a turn off. We do have pride and what seems like an innocent comment can be taken to be hurtful even though that's not what you intend. 

It may be a good idea to try the compliment sandwich. Start with something good (you are the best lover), suggest how hot it would be if you did (insert what you want here ) and end with ill be so hot, ill go crazy on you like a wild animal. In other words just change how you bring up what you want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Maybe it is just me but I have no problem with my wife giving me feedback during oral. She knows what feels good at that moment and what feels good one night does not do it for her the next night. So she will tell me, higher, lower, softer, flatter tongue, etc. I don't care. I just want to get her off...to feel her body move against my tongue, to feel the contractions as she has an orgasm and to hear her moan. MMMMM!!!! AWESOME!!!

By the way, she never asks for it. I am the one who just does it. And I don't get it in return (at least not to completion). Actually, I prefer her hand jobs. She has this way of doing tease and denial until I can't stand it anymore!!! She can hold me right there for an hour or more.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

See I'm the exact opposite oddball here. I love giving cunnlingus and I hate bjs! I loved licking my W so much I even ripped the webbing under my tongue on our honeymoon. I had a pierced tongue specifically for this when we met. I could lick my wife day and night but when it came to returning the favor I hated it. She could get me hard but after that I didn't want to be sucked. I do not like the feeling. We're divorcing now but her loss is another's gain.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I love this part of a woman so much that I want to taste it every opportunity I can get. It's so intimate for both parties involved. I too can't imagine the problem but it is what it is and I agree with the suggestions around whipped cream or other things that might make it more appealing to him. However, for me, anything that distracts from the taste and feel of it is a shame. Like trying to improve on perfection. But if he really doesn't like the organ then this might make it better for him.


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## confusedinlife (Mar 9, 2012)

couple said:


> I love this part of a woman so much that I want to taste it every opportunity I can get. It's so intimate for both parties involved. I too can't imagine the problem but it is what it is and I agree with the suggestions around whipped cream or other things that might make it more appealing to him. However, for me, anything that distracts from the taste and feel of it is a shame. Like trying to improve on perfection. But if he really doesn't like the organ then this might make it better for him.


i could do it for days...she moans and loves it...the taste is awesome
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cent130130 (Nov 6, 2011)

I don't get it. It's amazing how many men and women have mismatched desires in the bedroom. I love going down on my wife, including the front side and the back side. Unfortunately, my wife doesn't really share my enthusiasm. She seems to enjoy receiving, but isn't overly enthusiastic about giving. Don't know what to tell you, but you're completely normal to want it.


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## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

the connilingus communicator. talk incessantly, about WHAT you like sexually, BATH yourselves then each other. do these things and give to each other all you have,thoughts,body,mind. become One /feel their thoughts,needs and understand CHANGES. time of year/month=& Jupiter aligns with Mars. don't find fault /find whats GREAT, AND THINK ALONG THOSE LINES.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

As with most things, there are some people really into it, and some who are disgusted. I'm turned off by anal, but love to give and get oral, for example.

No one should do things that make them uncomfortable, or for which they have a real aversion. I don't know if there is any way for him to change, but he'd have to be motivated to want to, first. I'm sorry that you're not getting what you want, though.

Remember too that not so many decades ago, oral was usually rare few people even knew about it, and anal was a crime in some states. Now, many of those things are normal and even desirable! Not that this helps with your problem, of course.

Sexual compatibility is important, yet it seems many people don't even know what that means. I sure didn't when I entered my first marriage, but I learned from my mistakes!


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