# Facebook causes problems...



## mr. concerned (May 10, 2011)

i'm 38 married with 2 children, 4 and 2. i'm the general manager of a large business. over the past few years my wife has "friended" many co workers, including my boss on facebook. she then posts pictures of our weekend and personal activities. i have asked her multiple times to either lose my co workers or adjust her security settings to accommodate my concerns. she refuses to do either and says she can do what she wants with her page. she also states that i have no right to tell her. now it has happened again and this time i blew up and got angry as this was about the 5th time it happened. now she is mad because i yelled and is refusing to discuss the real problem, why photos of me keep ending up being made available to my boss and co workers! what do i do now? she's not listening and i've started yelling. UGH!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

FB is not the problem, your wife is.
If she can't understand why you don't want pictures of you available to your coworkers, then you need to quit having your picture taken.

Blaming FB is like blaming the gun, not the person pointing it.


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## mr. concerned (May 10, 2011)

amazingly enough this has already led to me being reluctant to be in photographs when out and i've flat out said that to her. the photos are nothing bad, pics at a bar or an event but that's not the point. I just don't want the CEO of our company to come in my office on a day i may have left early and think "hmmm sure looked wasted in those bar photos, bet that's why he left" and my wife just doesn't get it. on top of it all, she is a stay at home mom and my career supports our whole family. i ask her again and again to stop because one day, the wrong photo may be seen by the wrong person and i could end up looking bad or it could hurt my career. it kills me to think the person i have to worry about stabbing me in the back the most, is my own wife!! HELP


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

I have a very close friend that due to his career field was very reluctant to even open a facebook account. However, everyone kind of pushed him into it. He also has a teenage daughter who spent a lot of time on facebook and becoming familiar with what it was all about wasn’t a bad idea for him. He almost never accesses his account. He has also asked his friends and family to not post pictures of him on face book. Most of us are more than willing to comply with his requests. He still has a problem with a close relative who does post pictures and often tags him in the photo’s. I believe that individual doesn’t comprehend it is a safety issue for he and his family.

He has started to be very direct the moment he realizes or is asked to be in a photo. He will state to the person taking the photo, “Please do not put this photo of me on facebook.” Maybe the moment your wife begins to take a picture with you in it, put your hand up between you and the camera and state, “Please do not take my picture if you plan to put it on facebook.”

If your wife does not respect your wishes, then you two may have some boundry issues which need sorting out.


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## johnboy63 (May 2, 2011)

Ever since my buddy got a facebook page girls have been coming out of the wood work sending him invitations for sex. He was mr. popular back in High School and a lot of the girls who had crushes on him back then are now approaching him with NSA sex. Bad thing is he has a GF who doesn't deserve to be cheated on. Facebook is bad! Even Mark Zuckerberg said he created Facebook primarily to get women. Facebook is more a fantasy world that shouldn't be mixed with your personal life. Having your pictures up for anyone to see is definitely not good practice. dont let your separate worlds (work, friends, family, private) collide!


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Holy cow. Even more so than the pictures, who would want their wife's random status updates going to their boss and co-workers. Your boss will judge you through your wife and he will mainly think you must be an inferior employee because you allow your wife to post these pictures on facebook. I am not kidding. It's hard for me to even comprehend how a wife could not agree with what you are telling her, given that it's your family's income that she is jeopardizing.

What I would do is tell her a) you must unfriend all of my co-workers. If she refused to do this, tell her you can disagree with me but there will be consequences, since I cannot allow you to risk my job. I would then start blocking her access to finances (honey, it's obvious you are not concerned about money since you are hell bent on risking my career with your facebook account). I would also take the computer away and close her facebook account. I know this sounds drastic, but I for one would not allow anyone including my wife to mess around with my job.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Why is the CEO friending your wife?


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

That is a very serious breech of trust and an undermining of the sanctity of your marriage. Nothing should be shared with the outside world that is not agreed upon by both parties. My husband got involved in a very damaging relationship on the internet by sharing things that should have been kept private. If you are paying for the internet service, cancel it until certian rules are agreed upon.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Apparently your wife is getting something from all of that. Attention from others perhaps. Her ignoring your wishes on this isn't a good sign.


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## father-of-3 (Apr 25, 2010)

Mr. C... Your concerns are very valid. Let me be the first to confirm for you what you already know. I hire and promote employees in a corporate environment an FB footprints are one of the many tools used during these considerations. Your habits, behavior, and the company you keep outside of work is a direct reflection on what can be expected from you when you are not closely managed. A social impression that does not put you in favorable light is often enough to be the tie breaker during hiring and promoting. The rules of engagement are quite different in a corporate environment than say retail. It is no different than disclosing publicly information about one's family's finances. It is honest and wholesome but has certain consequences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rider03 (Apr 7, 2009)

I agree, FB is not the problem and your wife is making a very risky choice. Ask her what she'll do if you lose your job over something she posts.

Very bad. I don't know what the solution is though. You can't stop her from doing it I don't guess.


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## mr. concerned (May 10, 2011)

Thank you all for the responses so far, it has be very helpful to see that others share my stance.

@Mom 6457
--My wife "friended" the CEO. He has a daughter about the same age as my oldest so we have done birthday parties and a bbq at my bosses house. Somehow she felt compelled to friend him. Only if she would use his page as an example. He has many friends but his security is set to the max on all levels.

This is all weighing on me very heavily as we have gone down this road before. The last time being only a few months ago. I have asked her nicely, asked her not so nicely, i've been calm and now yesterday i raised my voice. What did she do? she ignored me and the situation and now she is staying focused only on the fact that i yelled at her, and not that she could potentially be undermining my career...

Am I crazy to have asked her to please stop doing this? I've tried everything and we're on round 7 or 8 of this issue, every other time she has apologized and then a few weeks later she is back to doing the same old thing.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

It's weird that your wife continues to disrespect your wishes like that. Someone I work with was fired over some stuff they wrote on face book, so it does happen. 

I would go on her face book and delete some of the photos.


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

Told ya son, you have got to set up groundrules and if they are not abided by, no more internet. I know it sounds harsh and something you would do with a child but like everything else there is probably something more going on here. Why does she continue to disregard your wishes? Is this a factor in other areas of your relationship and just what does Facebook mean to her, is it her only community? Tough questions but they need answers.


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## AniversaryFight (Mar 7, 2011)

mr. concerned said:


> Thank you all for the responses so far, it has be very helpful to see that others share my stance.
> 
> @Mom 6457
> --My wife "friended" the CEO. He has a daughter about the same age as my oldest so we have done birthday parties and a bbq at my bosses house. Somehow she felt compelled to friend him. Only if she would use his page as an example. He has many friends but his security is set to the max on all levels.
> ...



The problem is SHE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU!!


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Syrum said:


> It's weird that your wife continues to disrespect your wishes like that. Someone I work with was fired over some stuff they wrote on face book, so it does happen.
> 
> I would go on her face book and delete some of the photos.


I can understand that, however, that will not prevent her from adding more. Its kind of like throwing out a alcoholics beer, they more than likely wont stop. 

TO the OP, she needs to understand the seriousness of this and the effect on the marriage. Not sure how you may go about that, but sometimes it has to come down to something you might not want to do, to get her attention, and even then that isn't a garuntee.


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## Edge (Mar 30, 2011)

I have facebook and my wife does not. She hates it. I have respected her wishes on this and do not post any pictures of her that she does not approve. I also make sure I do not post personal details that would bother her. I also deleted many people to make her more comfortable. People I did not really interact with but added just for the heck of it. She is much happier with my facebook now.

On the business side many people where I work have facebook and we have a facebook page for my place of employment. I do not add anyone from work nor do I "like" the page for my place of employment. I also keep the highest security settings. My work life and my home life are separate and I want to keep them this way. I don't want to have to worry about what my boss sees on facebook. 

I am not sure how to help you in this. Your wife just seems not to understand. Maybe you could find some news stories where people were fired due to facebook? I know they are out there.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You don't need to have any more discussions that have a theme of you asking, making her understand, convincing.

You have to make it stop. Tell her it has to stop. If she does not stop it, then you physically make it stop by stopping the internet, taking away her camera, phone and money.

This will solve both the problem of your wife screwing up your job, and her disrespect for you.


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## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

My wife is very mellow so I didn't have to bring down the hammer. Would have done it it had been called for. I did find that being a total pain in the a$$ on her FB worked wonders. It wasn't all I did but it helped alot : )


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## mossimo (May 11, 2011)

Have the same problem, You have the right to advise her that you do not want any pictures of you on facebook, it is a legal requirement. Nobody has any right to put your picture on Facebook, ask her to remove it or you will have to take legal action.

Its your identity that is out there. Once out here its hard to stop. I managed to have all my pics removed due request to Facebook

Mossimo


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## loserinlove06 (May 29, 2011)

I have a different Facebook problem...

First of all it important to know that I met my husband of 5 yrs on Myspace. We both are rid of Myspace but Facebook came along and my husband is a huge friend *****. He doesnt care who is his friend he adds anybody.

Myself, I only add people I associate with, know, or went to high school with.

I am reallly bugged by his latest addition...a few girls with sexy pictures. I know down deep these girls are just a number to him, but it still hurts me and to me seems a bit disrespectful!

Am I wrong in asking for some respect on Facebook?? Also, he only represents one picture of the two of us in his pictures.

We have been through this before and I had to delete him because it hurts. I should not have to! There should be respect right??


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## skitterend (May 29, 2011)

On the offending pictures where your name is tagged, use the tab to report abuse to facebook.


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## nicole2009 (Apr 26, 2011)

My husband and I both have facebook accounts. We do add pictures of both of us together but its nothing that could get us in trouble and its just a couple. We don't put status updates or anything like that. I don't want everyone knowing my business. We do play games on there so we have people on there that we are not really "friends" with but we have them on limited profile views. I think your wife is being really disrespectful. If my husband didn't want a picture up or didn't want me to add someone he knew then I wouldnt.


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## skitterend (May 29, 2011)

Me and my wife have a relationship that is defined by we are a team, "us against them" We help each other to build the prosperity of the team. This means she pitches in when I need support to advance my career (late night work, coffee, support taking care of admin etc). Anything that damages or lessens our success lessens the success of us. We both pay the penalty. If your wife doesn't get that, she's out to hurt you and the problem is a lot more serious than your image at work.
Why is she trying to hurt or embarrass you publicly?


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## KJ5000 (May 29, 2011)

Facebook/myspace(well not so much myspace anymore) has turned grown folks into teenagers.
"Friending" cute strangers has become more important than respecting the people we supposedly. Sad.


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