# Men's sex drive



## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Men, how often does your sex drive kick in (not just the desire for a stress release, but a real drive to have sex with your wife)?

Wives, how often does your husband show you his sex drive is fired up?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

It doesn`t "kick in".

It`s just always there.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

My H's sex drive is always there...he's always keen. Can't recall ever being turned down. 

Heck it's not even safe to bend over without him offering me 'support' LOL!


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Oh I can have sex just about anytime (maybe not awakened from a deep sleep). For me though there's this drive were you just gotta go find your wife... right... now. 

Lol waiwera, yeah my wife was a dancer for years, so she bends over at the waist. Good gracious talk about an invitation to fire me up!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

As I read somewhere here, I can be suffereing from a gunshot wound and as long as the loss of blood has been stopped, I'm good to go!


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Toffer said:


> As I read somewhere here, I can be suffereing from a gunshot wound and as long as the loss of blood has been stopped, I'm good to go!


Preach on brother!


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

I don't want to give too much information lest I be accused of bragging.

Let's just say that its a good thing Morrigan is quick and agile else she would never leave the bedroom. Come to think of it she's never in a hurry to leave the bedroom anyway.

Damn, there I went and did it. Bragging again.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Toffer said:


> As I read somewhere here, I can be suffereing from a gunshot wound and as long as the loss of blood has been stopped, I'm good to go!


I don't know how many times I've told my wife "I'm not THAT sick!"

Just because I might not have the energy doesn't mean she can't be on top!


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

humanbecoming said:


> I don't know how many times I've told my wife "I'm not THAT sick!"
> 
> Just because I might not have the energy doesn't mean she can't be on top!


Yup, and when we're both tired....well that's why I installed the swing.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> Yup, and when we're both tired....well that's why I installed the swing.


Yeah, but if the neighbors saw us using the kids swing....


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Threetimesalady said:


> As a man ages his sex drive decreases.
> 
> When this happens, it is time for the wife/partner to pick up the slack


Absolutely!!! That's where we are. He doesn't like it as it means he's getting older to which I tell him lovingly to shut up and let me take charge. 

I've got enough drive for both of us. LOL


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## Henry (Nov 20, 2007)

Once after a marathon weekend I told her I couldn't do it anymore. She said, "You just need a helping hand" LOL and on we went. I married her. Now 18 years later I get zilch.


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## Henry (Nov 20, 2007)

my drive is still strong. I am pounding it almost daily. Maybe an anxiety release?


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I don't know if it's normal but I seem to have two types of drives. One is something like a stress release drive... it's pretty mild and I can take it or leave it. The other is really strong and it just fills me with passion and it's great if my wife is available and able, otherwise it just takes a lot of effort to ignore... or I just self satisfy.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I'm just grateful that my husband is 7 years younger than me


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

That's related to something I was curious about (since guys don't typically talk about this type of stuff together). I've heard that sex drive declines in men, yet to be honest I've not experienced anything like a drop in drive since I hit puberty (nearly 40 now).

Is it something that affects a majority of men or just a significant minority?


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Truly such a shame that as we age or sex drive deceases . Its not FAIR! 

it really is not as you age you get way way more sex and getting sex is so much easier. Getting sex in HS (for me at least) was hard and rare and more than half the girls did not have sex until after HS (good school sort of prude). 


Its okay though i am happily married and my drive is still very very high. It just really sucks that we are at our horniest and apparently peak prime like 16-21 and that is an age were most guys are having sex for the first time and than getting a girl they regularly have sex with but even than i find that when i was younger girls were hardly into sex compared to when they age. Without a doubt as i aged i had sex way way more often and with more people as you age as well and more frequently.

I could have sex several times a day and we do sometimes i can finish and be ready to go again in a few minutes or i can finish and keep going till it gets hard again. I love sex but if get off 3 times in 1 day my drive will be lower for the next though.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Browncoat said:


> That's related to something I was curious about (since guys don't typically talk about this type of stuff together). I've heard that sex drive declines in men, yet to be honest I've not experienced anything like a drop in drive since I hit puberty (nearly 40 now).
> 
> Is it something that affects a majority of men or just a significant minority?


A man's testosterone levels do decline as he ages. It also declines after marriage and after children. This is a biological defense mechanism designed to help a man become a better more attentive husband and father. My levels dropped precipitously in my early 30's but that was due to a medical problem and why I take testosterone supplementation. Of course since I inject my sex drive I can be as horny as I want, which is very much and often of course.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Browncoat said:


> That's related to something I was curious about (since guys don't typically talk about this type of stuff together). I've heard that sex drive declines in men, yet to be honest I've not experienced anything like a drop in drive since I hit puberty (nearly 40 now).
> 
> Is it something that affects a majority of men or just a significant minority?


My husband is almost 47. His drive is fine but the equipment doesn't always cooperate. He needs more inspiration from me to get going - just thinking about it doesn't always work. Beyond that though he's good and I don't mind having to work for it. I think it's kinda fun. 

He likely needs some testosterone but sadly that's not in the budget right now. Soon though. Soon.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Browncoat said:


> That's related to something I was curious about (since guys don't typically talk about this type of stuff together). I've heard that sex drive declines in men, yet to be honest I've not experienced anything like a drop in drive since I hit puberty (nearly 40 now).
> 
> Is it something that affects a majority of men or just a significant minority?


It affects all...the effects may depend on what level was your peak to begin with and the rate at which it drops. I think the stat is that most men's levels start to drop by 1% a year in their third decade and continue at a more uniform rate from that point on (you lucky men - unlike women whose levels drop precipitously over a very short period of time during menopause).

Research also shows that overall men's testosterone levels in our modern western world is receding in men of all ages, not just in middle aged and older men. Some theories are that rates of obesity or pollutants in our environment that act as endocrine disruptors could be culprits.

I find it all fascinating and interesting, especially since like Beowulf, my husband also has a 'hyperdermic' desire level, i.e., he takes testosterone injections too.


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

Ok, so I just asked him this question. He blushed and mumbled. I said, "Come on, just tell me". He said "What are doin, a survey"? I said, "Yeah, it's a survey". He finally admitted to every other day. 
Jeeze, it's like pullin teeth


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

OldGirl said:


> Ok, so I just asked him this question. He blushed and mumbled. I said, "Come on, just tell me". He said "What are doin, a survey"? I said, "Yeah, it's a survey". He finally admitted to every other day.
> Jeeze, it's like pullin teeth


That's so funny. I didn't ask because I know - it's every few days.


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

Conversation 1/2 Later:

Him: So how would you answer that question?
Me: Everyday.
Him: Really?
Me: Yeah, really. 

He grabbed my hand...

So, thanks for the survey question


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Just the idea of it seems silly at this point.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Goldmember357 said:


> I love sex but if get off 3 times in 1 day my drive will be lower for the next though.


I'm the opposite. The more I do it, the more I want to do it the next day. Drives my wife crazy, "It's never good enough!"

Why do women get pissed that their men think they are hot and want to make love to them?


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

OK, I am 57 and it is on my mind all of the time. It helps that I have such a hot wife...she is my PERFECT body type! The only thing that I find as I get older it takes me longer to recover...not the erection part (no problem there) just the orgasm part. Once a day is about all I can do, unless it is a really erotic circumstance, like sex on the beach at night. When we get away together on vacation two times a day is normal so I give her one with my tongue in the morning then we make love sometime later in the day for round two.

I did not answer the poll because "all of the time" was not an option. One difference (generally) between men and women is that for men thoughts of sex are always there just beneath the surface whereas for many women it is buried deeper.


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## SA's husband (Apr 9, 2012)

I can't say that I am starved enough that I want to attack her but I look forward to it every day. Once she fires me up, I am that young man again fighting to hold it back.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Enchantment said:


> Research also shows that overall men's testosterone levels in our modern western world is receding in men of all ages, not just in middle aged and older men. Some theories are that rates of obesity or pollutants in our environment that act as endocrine disruptors could be culprits.


Well good thing my wife feeds me really well cooked home meals. 

Seriously though I'm not surprised if in addition to environmental changes, societal changes (people sit in front of TV/computers more in this generation than ever before) might be at play.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

im 51, i would like it 3-4 times a week if everything else was good in my marriage, right now i feel like zero


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Browncoat said:


> Men, how often does your sex drive kick in (not just the desire for a stress release, but a real drive to have sex with your wife)?
> 
> Wives, how often does your husband show you his sex drive is fired up?


I asked my H this question last night.

He said at LEAST once every day he feels 'the urge' (typically more often than that, though) ... but it's not always at a most convenient time. I guess sitting there at work or working out in the gym is not the most convenient of times. 

He certainly doesn't show me that all of the time ... half the time I'm likely not even there with him and he is 'reminiscing' about one of our previous encounters.

We usually are playful in a sexual way most everyday ... even if we don't have sex that day.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Yeah it doesn't come at the best times. Though when I'm in the mood I generally let me know in the form of a very passionate kiss... which isn't hard given how I feel in those moments.

My wife jokes that the sexiest thing I find about her is that she's breathing.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Browncoat said:


> Yeah it doesn't come at the best times. Though when I'm in the mood I generally let me know in the form of a very passionate kiss... which isn't hard given how I feel in those moments.
> 
> My wife jokes that the sexiest thing I find about her is that she's breathing.


"I'm in the mood I'll generally let me know".....


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Threetimesalady said:


> This is very true...However, you must handle this situation with care...He must remain in his eyes the hot stud and not a man in need.


I'm doing my best to handle with care and I'm showing him how much I want him (easy because it's true). I've just recently gotten him comfortable to let me know when he wants sex but needs help getting erect. I think that's a good thing because before he'd just roll over and go to sleep. This is all new so I'm happy he's communicating and opening up.

I've got a ways to go before I get to where you are but I'm seeing improvements everyday. He seems happier and I've got a brand new husband.

Edited to add: His 'problem' may not be due to aging but due to my past treatment of him. I'm aware of that possibility. Either way we are working through it and I'm doing everything in my power to be a good wife.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Threetimesalady said:


> This is very true...However, you must handle this situation with care...He must remain in his eyes the hot stud and not a man in need...Again going to bed naked is a turn on...You can only take charge so much and then transfer this thought to him...He must believe in himself...
> 
> Far too many not only lose hope, but faith in themselves...This is where the lover takes over...Believe it or not, my husband knows and thinks he is a hot man....He now has this new thing going...Before we have sex (which is usually in the master bedroom) I pee...This is in the separate area of the bathroom...I will be doing my thing and he now has chose to come in naked and stand in front of me with a big hot erection and stuff his manhood in my mouth to be sucked off...This is new...I love it...It has shown me that all my work has paid off and that his confidence is back....He is really quite a guy....
> 
> ...


When I walk in while my wife is on the toilet she just says get that thing away from me...


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

discouraged1 said:


> When I walk in while my wife is on the toilet she just says get that thing away from me...


I stole LadyFrogs line and told my husband if he wiggles it near me its going in my mouth. 

......he wiggled. LOL


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Threetimesalady said:


> I believe a woman has a lot to do with her husband/partners sex drive,,,He has to feel wanted to perform or even to approach her....If he is consistently refused then an important part of himself will die out....Actually the best part....He must be made to feel as special as a woman when they are making love...She must stimulate him, just as he does her....These are just my thoughts...Take care...


Wise words and yes I see this now. I always thought my husband didn't have much of a sex drive and I realize now I was wrong. So very very wrong. 

If I make him feel wanted all day long his drive is just fine. 

Can I change my answer to this poll? LOL


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## civilian98 (May 4, 2012)

Threetimesalady said:


> As a man ages his sex drive decreases...This can start as early as his late 20's....This is where nature messes with the sexes...When this happens, it is time for the wife/partner to pick up the slack...Time for her to be the "come and get me" tease and go to bed naked......Time to let him know what a hot stud that he still is....Baby him...Praise his bedroom style...Use some hot erotic words of lust to bring him on....There are so many ways to do this and it is so darn much fun....
> 
> We are older, yet I have noticed the differene after he has had hot sex...I have found like a woman feels, that it too, makes him feel so young....Take care...


Although I like your ideas, I'd have to say that I disagree with your initial point of a declining sex drive. Being a 41 year old man, I find that my sex drive is as strong as ever and frankly I don't remember it waning. In my case it is my wife who's in her late 30's who is experiencing a decreasing sex drive. Maybe I'm one of a kind but I doubt it.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Yeah.. I guess I am one of the creepy old guys here. Im almost 48, and my wife is 46. I am definitely afflicted with a chronic case of _matuto ligni_, or morning wood. (OK, I made the latin translation up)

The good news is that the wife has always been (I thank my lucky stars) on the same wavelength in that respect, so we have groggy, sleepy, slow, comfortable morning sex maybe 5-6 times a week? Maybe 4-5 would be more accurate. Been that way for 20 years.

But yeah - so far, declining or waning? Havent seen that.. thankfully. I guess when I was in my early 20s, there was hardly a time when I _wasnt_ 'ready to go', but things are still pretty... uhm... robust.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Maybe it's 30 years of repressing, to some degree or another in various phases of my life, but I find mine is gone, I suspect it has been gone for a few years and I fear it isn't coming back. I still yearn for the company of an attractive woman, I am still "horny" but it is no controlling force in my life - my desparation is but it wasn't until recently, after my separation, that I realized these are two different things.

I'm hoping I'll be able to jump start it again, because it feels like that is such a crucial part of my life I'm missing, but I'm afraid to turn it on and not have the right person or outlet in my life to express it.

Now I've had a few brief times in recent months where the lust and desire and physical arousal came to life in a big way, but as fast as it came up it has quickly went away.

I've been doing a porn moratorium, and I suspect my "2 minutes a week" habit from before must have been a big factor in whatever sex drive I had. I'm hoping that within a few months, I'll be able to experience arousal and that healthy drive without it.

It feels like all the love and respect I wasn't getting in my marriage helped shut me down, and it broke me quite awhile ago in fact. It feels like I'm not meant to be repaired, and honestly like there is no reason to go on living except to provide for my son and honor my responsibilities. My Doc has little advice other than antidepressants, I haven't gotten into this too deep with my therapist, exercise doesn't really seem to help - it feels like I'm going into celebacy and a part of me is welcoming it (like a tired body would welcome death) another part wants to desperately fight it, and I find it very depressing (on top of all the other things I find depressing) because I don't really know how to fight this.

ok rant over, life isn't that bad, but I sure as hell want this behind me, want to be healthy again (emotionally, sexually, physically etc)


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## Bluemoon1 (Mar 29, 2012)

I could do it once a night no trouble! Just got to find the woman to do it with :smthumbup:


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

The drive is always there. I can literally, physically at least, have sex several times a day. I can easily orgasm 5+ times in a day, and the most we've ever had sex was six or seven times in a single day.

But I'm not totally comfortable with my body's constant ability to have seemingly endless sexual pleasure, so I just ignore it sometimes. I've gotten pretty good at control. I chose not to have sex daily, just like I have to curb masturbation because once is never enough for my body. It's actually pretty funny because sometimes I won't feel like having sex, but my wife "takes advantage" of how easily arousable I am after I've declined sex, almost always wins, and afterward I mock chide her for exploiting me LOL! 

So I think there is a difference, for me at least, between sexual "drive", and how often I give into that drive.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Threetimesalady, you not only live up to your name, but you are an absolute gem of a woman and educator.

And yes, I do view you as an educator. Your ideas are so pro-male, pro-marriage, so exactly what many, many of us need to hear, and desire, from our women. 

I am many decades your junior, but I find myself absolutely loving the way you've aged into your sexuality, and the incredible effect it's had on your sex life with your husband. My wife has some of your attitudes, and I can only hope she holds on to those, and continues to evolve them over time, such as you have.

I am genuinely thankful, not to mentioned floored, at your perspective because it so embodies what I believe a lot of men and women need to take heed to at ANY age.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Browncoat said:


> Wives, how often does your husband show you his sex drive is fired up?


Every chance he gets!!! which is normally on a daily basis!


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> Yup, and when we're both tired....well that's why I installed the swing.


You are a man after my own heart!! Mounting instructions? do they come w/ the basket?
Mouse


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

As a husband, years of rejection, being turned down, pushed away etc has certainly taken its toll on me.

You shy away from ANY physical touch because you will get turned on and (more than likely) turned away. It hurts....so you don't put yourself in that situation.

Sadly it conditions you into believing that women who love and enjoy sex either with their spouse or 'whoever' don't exist.... or when you read/see/hear about wives/women who DO initiate, who DO understand theri husbands need for physical intimacy etc...it makes you feel even more bitter and resentful.....

....sometimes to the point that you just give up 'living' and simply exist 

I'm in my mid 40's.... if I found a lump on a testicle or started having prostate problems etc, I really don't think it would bother me atall...


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

My H and I were home alone today. He asked me what I was thinking about. I answered "how to get you naked". He didn't pursue my thought...


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## Parrot_head (Sep 28, 2011)

I Think about sex only when im awake..


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Very insightful thread.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

7737 said:


> As a husband, years of rejection, being turned down, pushed away etc has certainly taken its toll on me.
> 
> You shy away from ANY physical touch because you will get turned on and (more than likely) turned away. It hurts....so you don't put yourself in that situation.
> 
> ...


Just catching back up on this thread.

I agree 7737, I have felt EXACTLY like that. Being on this forum, while overall a wonderful experience, is often times hurts. I can feel it in my chest (and saying it this way belittles the depth of pain), the sense of loss, the years gone by that I'll never get back, the experiences, etc.

It's all I can do to be hopeful for the future. While really difficult, I find for me all the resentment and sense of loss in the world won't change my past. It can ruin my future though.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I too feel the pain in 7737's words. For me it wasn't just the deterioration in the marriage, though I think that is definitely what brought me back to this place... it was also my many years of being single shy and too afraid to approach women and not having someone to love and make love to. When I first met my ex and got married, those miserable single years faded from memory and I thought I'd have someone to share some amazing experiences (sex) with forever. As it tapered, instead of remembering the past loneliness I just kind of shut everything out and closed up. Then after separating is when those horrible memories all flooded back and knocked my confidence and self esteem way down. Now I suppose I'm forced to deal with how I am and finding out how to get what I need in life without fear and stifling trepidation.


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