# Need someone to snap me out of this



## manno (Jul 11, 2014)

Hello all! I have been coming here for quite some time and decided to get some input. Husband and I have been together for 18 years and married for 16. I M 36 and he is 35. We are high school sweethearts and got married very young. We have created 3 wonderful daughters together and unfortunately a very rocky marriage. There have been terrible arguments, some of which became physical, separating numerous times, etc. 

We are currently separated but living under the same roof. We have met with a lawyer and should get the divorce ball rolling next week. He seems to be ok with all of this but I am SO miserable I can barely function. He is rarely home, either working out at the gym or running. Every time I see him I just lose it and start crying. 

Today, he left his email open and I checked his messages. I found a few emails with a co worker. They were very flirtatious and he was telling her all about the dreams he had about his new apartment(he is moving out soon). I confronted him about this and he became enraged, yelling and refusing to discuss this. He said they are only friends and he needs someone to talk to. He tried to turn it around and started asking what he would find if he opened my emails( which would be nothing). He said she was a 50 year old counselor from work and that was her job to help him through this. I am wondering how long this has been going on.

I later texted him about this again and he said he was sorry I felt this way but there is nothing going on. I am crushed


----------



## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

Ouch, sorry this sucks. Hope your daughters will be ok. I'm no expert but flirtatious emails are not good; however, since the decision is to divorce even before you found them maybe just expect the worst and not look further as it will only hurt you more. All the best, SOS.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

When they're always at the gym and working feverishly on their appearance, there's no doubt what is going on. He got caught, that's why he got so upset. I'll bet she's not 50 and she's not the only one he's flirting with. You don't flirt with your counselor, or tell them about your apartment.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

If he has been abusing you ... leave him.


----------



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

If you are separated and getting a divorce, who he talks to and how should not matter to you. If fact, unless it affects your kids, it is really none of your business. Especially if you have to go so such links to figure it out. 

You need to put your energy on your own life and ignore him. All you are doing is giving him a massive high to his ego with signals that you need him. It is a waste of your energy.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You do need to work on the 180. It's hard, but it will help you distance yourself emotionally from him. That will help the pain.

How long have you been "separated"? 

C


----------



## Kitten77 (May 9, 2011)

I'm your age and have been with my H 19 yrs, been separated 8 months - physically for 6. 

Got the same story from my H on the work friend. "Needs someone to talk to that doesn't know me" "they're just friends" "she didn't do anything wrong" 

I found out about her from reading his texts. He was also very angry. Your gut is rarely wrong. I never and still don't believe it's anything physical but it's definitely emotional. He gets his emotional fix and doesn't have to give anything in return cause he's still technically married. 

This past April we were getting along fine, dating again but he blew me off to take her out to dinner, alone and lied to my face about it several times. I had to confront him with a bank statement to get the truth. I finally got fed up earlier this month since he had the nerve to ask me if I told her BF something. I sent him and her a text calling them out on the EA and that I was writing her BF to tell him all about it. It's not so fun for them now. lol Her BF gets out of prison in the next couple of weeks. We'll see how thug life likes his baby mama going to dinner with other men. 

Sometimes these things take care of themselves. It's based on fantasy, not reality.


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

She could be the reason...


----------

