# Confused Husband



## spidan68 (Jul 13, 2007)

I just wanted to point out that I am a full time janitor,and not very experienced in writing or posting letters.So please excuse bad punctuation and lack of paragraphs =(.

I am 39 and my wife is 48.We have been married for almost 13 years.She has 3 older children all living on their own,I have one from my previous marriage,and we have our 11 year old together.

I am an alcoholic and have abused alcohol from the time we met.I was never the physical kind of alcoholic but more the subdued withdrawn type.It nevertheless has been a huge problem in our marriage.We have separated,and got back together more times than I can count.My wife is a very understanding,caring,and wonderful mom.Not only was I addicted to alcohol but I was also addicted to online gaming,and needless to say my wife was not feeling she was a priority in my life.We separated last July 2006 on one of my heavy drinking periods.In October of the same year I decided to quit drinking,and got myself a full time job working back in a hospital.We started talking about getting back together in March and I was reluctant but decided to go ahead and do it.We were seeing a pastor for counseling and going to the same church every Sunday.I was reluctant to get back together because I knew I was totally focused on my job and getting to work on time and not calling in sick.I lost my previous job do to my drinking,and scared to death I would mess this one up.I got into another online game at this time and it was taking my mind off drinking late at night do to my hours at work.I am ashamed to admit it but it was taking up way to much time again,and I didn't notice my wife becoming unhappy again.It is now July again of 2007 and she has filed for a divorce.This is not what I wanted to happen though in previous years I did not care.I have been really trying to stay clean and knock on wood I have 9 months sober.This time around I wanted to stay focused on my job and sobriety and make her proud of me.I know now that I should of just dumped the dumb gaming and focused that time on my wife.I really do love her, there are not to many women in the world that would have the kind of patience she has shown.I want to save my marriage because after 9 months sober you wake up and realize that she really is your queen.I have told her that I would just get rid of the games and the computer altogether,but she does not believe me.I think I just made one to many promises and not kept them.She doesn't understand alcoholism and doesn't realize that a sober promise is way different than a drunken one.She is now talking to another man via computer and phone.I have begged,pleaded,and tried to get her to believe I will make her my main focus,but she is set on the divorce.I think I used up her patience and she has none left for me.I am very hurt by all this and would give her anything she wanted if she would stay married to me.I don't know what I am trying to accomplish by this cause I am confused and guess I just need help to figure it out.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

Spidan68,

Are you going to AA? It's a really good place to get support for this type of stuff. I've been clean and sober over 7 years now since I got involved, and it's completely changed my life. I have healthy hobbies now, and most of my time spent behind the computer these days is productive. I find that I have a lot more "free time" now that I don't drink anymore.

I also met my wife in sobriety. Thank God I did, because she never would have thought about going out with me the way I was before. For me, staying clean and sober is the most important thing I do every day, and as long as I keep trying to be a better person, the rest of the stuff seems to fall into place.

AA's given me a "roadmap" for improving my life. My sponsor's been sober 30 years, and I know I can talk to him about anything. There's no problem I have that someone I know in AA hasn't gone through before. Those people are always willing to share their experience with me when I ask.

I hope this helps.


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## juls (Apr 1, 2008)

I am a recovering alcoholic, my dad is also.. He has 21 yrs I have a little over 6..

I remeber to well all the drunken "I won't ever do that again"..I also remeber when ny husband finally relaized after 2 yrs that I am a new person. 

Alcoholism will take it's toll on people, so,e have more patience than others. For instance my mom, she went 12 yrs of it. Getting beat up, him having flash backs, us kids watching it all. 

My advice to you is stay away fromt he bottle and find support like Chris said. This could very well be a breaking point an 9 months of sobriety is a LONG time. Yes it is. I remeber thiking 6 months was a record..

Keep your chin up, I nderstand you love her but right now you need to worry about staying sober the rest will fall into place.

(((HUGS))


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