# Ugh... I don't know!



## Shorte85 (Feb 6, 2011)

Hello, as you can probably tell I am new to this forum. For a while I have been trying to decide whether I should join a forum like this or not, and tonight I decided to give it a shot and this forum came up in the search results. I needed to find a place where I would be able to post, get some feedback and talk to people and not worry about what I say, don't say, and etc. If that makes sense at all.

My hubby and I have been together for about 4 years now, and just got married last year in February. So almost 4 years this month. I love him very much, I'm so happy with him and want nothing to ever change... however, when we first started dating sex in our relationship was pretty great. We did have a bit of a long distance relationship, meaning we lived about 3 hours apart. So when he came to pick me up and I'd spend a few days with him everything was great, our sexual relationship was awesome. Then after a while I ended up moving in with him, and our relationship had gotten more serious. I will be honest, my husbands sex drive is great... mine isn't. It was great up until about a year and a half into our relationship, and my sex drive had just went down dramatically and I honestly do not know why.

I don't initiate him, he initiates me and when he does he asks me through "texting" on the phone. To me, I would or I thought initiating someone when wanting to have sex is by going up to that person and being sexual to them or something and not just straight up say "I am horny.. want to have some fun" kind of thing. I hope I am making some sort of sense. For some reason when he does this I sometimes get irritated and I don't know why, I don't know if it is because he asks me this question on the phone or not.

I also want to say that my husband and I are both little people. I think a lot of the times what bothers me is the fact that I am not able to be in positions that average height people are able to be in if that makes sense? So a lot of the times I just lay there while he does the work because I am not able to do a whole lot of movements (embarrassed to say that but it's true).

I don't know what to do, and I want to fix this problem because it's eating at our marriage. I don't know what I need to do, I've been wracking out my mind about why I am like this. I mean at times I'll be sexually active, and then I can go weeks, months even without having sex if I could but I try to also keep my husband happy and have sex with him.

I just don't know what to do. I'm just... I don't know.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

maybe all the anxiety about the different positions shuts you down? 

sounds like he could work on being more romantic with you. maybe you feel like your just a toy and the resentment is building? sorry, wish i could help more but the issues are opposite in my marriage.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

Blanca said:


> maybe all the anxiety about the different positions shuts you down?
> 
> sounds like he could work on being more romantic with you. maybe you feel like your just a toy and the resentment is building? sorry, wish i could help more but the issues are opposite in my marriage.


some people resort to text or email as a way to community because it's easier than face to face. If he feels he has to initiate this way, there must be a reason why face to face makes him nervous? When was the last time he initiated face to face? Was it a good experience?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Hurra said:


> If he feels he has to initiate this way, there must be a reason why face to face makes him nervous?


ya, that is a good point. It could be awkward for him. still, his choice of words, via text or otherwise, show a lack of love and an emphasis on lust.


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## Shorte85 (Feb 6, 2011)

Blanca said:


> maybe all the anxiety about the different positions shuts you down?
> 
> sounds like he could work on being more romantic with you. maybe you feel like your just a toy and the resentment is building? sorry, wish i could help more but the issues are opposite in my marriage.


I'm wondering if maybe that is what it is, but what I don't understand is it never was like that before. Before I was into sex, the one that initiated him all the time and etc. My husband did bring up a good comment a while back that I just thought about, was he said that I was into sex, and very sexual up until I decided to get on birth control and then a while afterward the sexuality from me started to die down. I don't know, it just bothers me very much and I want to fix that. I will be honest, before sex we use a vibrator to get me to orgasm and then we have sex afterward. I'm wondering if maybe we'd get a vibrator that we could use during sex would be better?

I don't know, like I said I am racking at my brain about all this. I just want to get back to where we were before, and I don't know what to do.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Are you still on birth control? It looks like that messed with your libido, a common side effect. 

And yes, using a vibe during intercourse is fun. It actually feels good for the guy too. The little bullet ones work good for that.

Also, I am not sure your being little is the issue since you guys started out having good sex. It seems like the more typical situation where the excitement leaves when you get stuck in a routine and take for granted the things you did not when you were first dating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Shorte85 said:


> I'm wondering if maybe that is what it is, but what I don't understand is it never was like that before. Before I was into sex, the one that initiated him all the time and etc. My husband did bring up a good comment a while back that I just thought about, was he said that I was into sex, and very sexual up until I decided to get on birth control and then a while afterward the sexuality from me started to die down. I don't know, it just bothers me very much and I want to fix that. I will be honest, before sex we use a vibrator to get me to orgasm and then we have sex afterward. I'm wondering if maybe we'd get a vibrator that we could use during sex would be better?
> 
> I don't know, like I said I am racking at my brain about all this. I just want to get back to where we were before, and I don't know what to do.


Welcome! If "85" in your user name is indicative of your birth year then you would be young still so I doubt it is your libido that is slowing down. I think Hubby brought up a good point....are you on birth control pills? This can vastly affect a woman's sex drive. If bc pills are not the issue then yes, it could be that getting a text from him is not a turn on for you so mentally you shut off. Perhaps some more romance is in order? :scratchhead:
Vibrator during sex is fantastic. Don't have an orgasm beforehand, have it during! Once you have "gotten off" it isn't as pleasurable for you. There is one that is made pretty much for this reason and will not "get in the way" it is a brand called Lelo. It is small and thin and has 5 speeds. Perfect for using on yourself while having sex with your husband. It isn't gaudy or gross and actually comes packaged in velvet and with a lifetime warranty.  It is a tad pricey at $90 but consider it an investment in your marriage. I absolutely swear by this device.


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## Shorte85 (Feb 6, 2011)

Yeah, I think it may be because it's the same routine every time. However, the thing is I'm not exactly sure how to approach different positions, or trying different positions if that makes sense.

Also the reason we use a vibrator is because I was never able to orgasm or climax otherwise and I don't know why and it's not that he's not doing anything wrong because it feels good during intercourse I just never been able to get an orgasm or climax sort of thing.

I want to get something that can be used during intercourse, however, him and I are both broke and struggle to get bills paid in order to get something that is that much. If that makes sense. I don't know....


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Shorte85 said:


> Yeah, I think it may be because it's the same routine every time. However, the thing is I'm not exactly sure how to approach different positions, or trying different positions if that makes sense.
> 
> Also the reason we use a vibrator is because I was never able to orgasm or climax otherwise and I don't know why and it's not that he's not doing anything wrong because it feels good during intercourse I just never been able to get an orgasm or climax sort of thing.
> 
> I want to get something that can be used during intercourse, however, him and I are both broke and struggle to get bills paid in order to get something that is that much. If that makes sense. I don't know....


Most women don't reach orgasm during sex. It's about 70%. You shouldn't feel ashamed about it!! Gosh, please don't. It took me until the age of 38 to do so and even then it was limited. God was cruel when he designed the female body. A vagina that is for sex and has limited nerve endings. Ever felt your vagina? It doesn't have much sensation, does it? However you have a clitoris and it is located just and inch or so above you vagina. Cruel, right? Does that have sensation? You bet your butt it does!! Work with THAT during sex and you will find sex very pleasurable. Oh, and get the Lelo vibrator. A well worth investment.


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## Shorte85 (Feb 6, 2011)

It's my husbands and mine's 1st year anniversary on the 28th this month and I've been trying to decide whether I should invest in either one of these:

G-Spot Vibrators-Slender G-Spot -- MyPleasure.com

G-Spot Vibrators-WeVibe -- MyPleasure.com (a little expensive - anyone here use this?)

I'm just looking for something with a long handle so I do not have to struggle to reach as I have shorter arms than normal average height people.

Just to let you know, I am 3'5" tall. So small body, lol equals short arms. Ha

I would love to be able to find something that is in a reasonable price range, long handle and doesn't get in the way of intercourse if at all possible. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Maybe if I find something that can be used during intercourse rather than before intercourse I'd be more into it, I'm not sure.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks to all who are helping me.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

A cheap bullet vibe used during doggie style? You have better and closer access to your goods from that position. The bullet is not long but it is inexpensive and small. 

The two you listed may not be good as the are probably for g spot stimulation which will not work with IC. 

Maybe something like this:http://libida.com/flex_o_pleaser_vibrator.asp

I have not tried this one but something like that would work. 
My wife has this one that almost looks like a long toothbrush with a really small end. It is actually too strong for her . I don't recall the name of it though. It is made specifically for your clitoris during IC.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shorte85 (Feb 6, 2011)

Hello, I just wanted to say again thanks for all your suggestions and helpful tips and what not. I just wanted to say we tried doing something a little different last night and it caused nothing but problems for him and I. Normally when we have sex, we are on the bathroom floor, and last night we tried doing it in a chair instead with me on the bottom and him on the top. But we had trouble trying to get myself aligned so he could get in if that makes sense. I also tried using a vibrator on the clitoris and it felt wonderful but lol I kept pushing him out down there if that makes sense and I can't seem to figure out why it happens (any ideas?).

I don't know, at least we're trying different things if that makes sense. We're moving forward, and that's what I like. But I'm still curious as to why my vagina keeps pushing him out.,


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

Shorte85 said:


> It's my husbands and mine's 1st year anniversary on the 28th this month and I've been trying to decide whether I should invest in either one of these:
> 
> G-Spot Vibrators-Slender G-Spot -- MyPleasure.com
> 
> ...



Good luck with that. I work for one of the biggest vibrator retailers in the world, and the fact is that the selection of a good machine is ENTIRELY dependent on the woman in question, how she's built and how she gets off. 

My standard issue answer is that every woman should have/try at least one brand of the following types of vibes: bullet, Pocket rocket, rabbit, wand, and G-spot. The We Vibe you referenced works absolutely great . . . for a small minority of women. If the proportions or angle is off just a bit, it's an expensive piece of junk. I'd recommend a Hitachi-style wand and/or a pocket rocket, and then try out an inexpensive Rabbit before I'd invest in either of those vibes. Just my two cents.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Early in my marriage I would try to be romantic and flirty when I was in the mood but because of the difference in sex drives most of the time all I got was a snide comment like is that all you think about, theres more to like than sex. Nothing feels quite like being turned down in such a harsh way. and then your left to take care of things yourself. Not much fun after you have been shot down like your some kind of pervert for wanting to make love to your wife.

after a while I would just say do you want to fool around tonight because it was easier or didn't feel as bad when she said no.

then one day my wife said how come you just ask instead of being romantic and I told her because she is hurtfull and mean when she doen't want to make love. then she said I should buy her flowers and candy if I loved her and I said I should get surprise blowjobs and strip teases if she loved me.


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