# I realize I want marriage...



## Cookie crumbs (Nov 10, 2011)

I'm 45 years old, been divorced for almost 7 years, in a committed relationship for almost 2 years and been struggling to understand the "sadness" I've been feeling lately.
He has been separated for almost 7 years, however his relationship with ex is tumultuous to say the least. He has 3 children, 14, 13 and 7 yrs old. Mine are young adults. His ex plays with access for the youngest and divorce is not final. She wants lots of $$$$
He was married once before, when he was very young. No children from that union.
So... getting married again is not on his radar. I am realizing it is on mine 
I want that commitement... We don't live together since I refuse to consider this until his access with son and divorce is final. 
However I'm realizing that I want more than a common-law relationship. For me, marriage is a promise (yes, it can be broken... I've experienced it) yet it remains a promise made to commit to that SO and is done in front of our children, family and friends. Perhaps I'm unrealistic... but I'm afraid if I continue to invest in this relationship and the end result is that I don't get that commitement, that I will resent him. Or worse pressure him into something he doesn't want.
Should I discuss this with him now? If so, how do I approach the subject?
Thanks


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## BMadoff (Aug 1, 2011)

I think you move on. This guy will string you along for a l-o-n-g time.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

There is a fundamental difference here: marriage isn't on his radar but it's what you want.; And you can't marry him because he's...still married. 

My advice is to cut your losses and move on. He cannot give you what you want. Don't waste more years on someone who doesn't want what you do.

In the future, don't date married men. Especially when you want to get married.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Agreed. 

1. Time to move on
2. Dont date married men

Ill add this...

This was a stop along the road to the good place you are now. Dont be sad you have grown into the place you are now. Chalk it up to a rewarding experience that you have grown out of. 

You know what you want and that it is not available. That alone is a worthy outcome of the journey you were on.


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## Cookie crumbs (Nov 10, 2011)

YupItsMe said:


> Agreed.
> 
> 1. Time to move on
> 2. Dont date married men
> ...


I thank you for your reply. He is legally separated. The only outstanding issue is the $$$ to finalize the divorce. I DON'T date married men! However if I had advice to give... I would tell anyone. Wait until their divorce is final. Too much drama until then. 
I was planning on telling him what my long term goal/need is... marriage and see where that takes me. I'm hoping the remarks he has made about "never doing that again" were just reactions to the situation at hand. However, if they are not. I will cut my losses and learn from this experience. Thanks again for your responses 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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