# Spouse Not Finishing Sentences



## sfalken (Nov 10, 2014)

It drives me insane. Every day its the same. Every other sentence is left hanging in the air and I have to prompt her through to the end of the sentence to see what thought she was trying to convey that she forgot halfway through what she was saying. She gets distracted by kids, our pets, birds flying by the window, you name it and thus, she cannot complete a thought with words.

Granted, my wife's first language is not English, but she has been speaking English daily for 15yrs and is absolutely fluent. She has almost no accent anymore, and is a full time engineer with continual conversation all day with other adults.

If its not completing sentences, on the other hand, she also seems to just not respond to me sometimes. She thinks she responded, but she did not. 

Our marriage is very rewarding, and at times, with things like this, maddening!


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

I have this issue and can explain a lot about it. Using this as a placeholder.

And I'm also engineer and have too much education for my own good.

This is classic adult ADHD. Mine is severe. My close friends even tease me about it... But, I have found coping mechanisms and I'm aware of it. This does cause me to avoid some situations socially.

You need to make her aware that she's doing it.

Does she misplace her keys and purse a lot?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

My partner does this and it used to drive me crazy, well actually it still does. At first I thought he was being rude but it is just how he operates. 

When he does it I request an answer or for him to finish his sentence and I do it in a louder voice. If he doesn't respond then I walk away.


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## sfalken (Nov 10, 2014)

We had someone helping to watch our kids a few years back who had the annoying habit of finishing everyone's sentences. I used to joke that she should live with us too, so that together, the two women could form complete sentences.... 

But all kidding aside... it seems to be more intense from time to time, but it never goes away. And she gets upset when I get frustrated from feeling like I'm pulling her teeth!


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

I do this sometimes. I just get so engrossed in what's happening in my head, that the outside world fades out for a moment. Sometimes my BF just finishes the sentence for me, usually with very unexpected results. It snaps me back to it, and he gets a laugh.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

sfalken said:


> But all kidding aside... it seems to be more intense from time to time, but it never goes away. And she gets upset when I get frustrated from feeling like I'm pulling her teeth!


Does this link sound much like her?

How ADHD Symptoms Manifest in Adults

I'm not talking the BS ADHD label. This is a "you know it when you see it" kinda thing.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Adult ADHD, very common among software engineers. At my place of work, you could walk into the engineering floor and mistake it for a camp of retarded adults. Almost everyone sounds and looks like a retard while working there. I do too. I'm sure!


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## sfalken (Nov 10, 2014)

Strangely enough, she does not really match the symptoms of ADHD (from the link). Shes regimented, organized, and systematic in all she does. She interfaces with people and companies on a regular basis, and just about nothing escapes her view in our home. She is literally the "all seeing eye" around here.

Thats whats strange with this. She doesnt match the typical profile for having attention issues except for the inability to complete a sentence. Constantly.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Ever ask her why she doesn't finish her sentences? Very important.

Does she go totally blank or does she have another thought pop in her head? Does she jump topics?

What do you mean by "seeing eye"?



sfalken said:


> Strangely enough, she does not really match the symptoms of ADHD (from the link). Shes regimented, organized, and systematic in all she does. She interfaces with people and companies on a regular basis, and just about nothing escapes her view in our home. She is literally the "all seeing eye" around here.
> 
> Thats whats strange with this. She doesnt match the typical profile for having attention issues except for the inability to complete a sentence. Constantly.


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## sfalken (Nov 10, 2014)

I just mean that she has such an extreme eye for detail in our home, and such complete control of everything in our home life that to me (and the kids) it often feels like there is nothing that happens, ever, without her seeing it, or knowing it. She is so orderly and organized - its like nothing I've ever seen.

I have asked her - many times. Frustratingly enough, she usually blanks out when i tell her its getting bad. She doesnt realize it.

Sometimes I ask her the same question 3 times, and she sites with a blank stare and tells me emphatically that she already responded, when she didnt. 

Its often kids that cause her to switch streams mid sentence. "What are you doing over there.." but it could be anything. Sometimes its nothing.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

How old is she? Has she been like this since you've known her or is this something that has gotten worse?

Does she forget things or is this mostly related to her speech/communication?

Whole range of things could be driving this.



sfalken said:


> I just mean that she has such an extreme eye for detail in our home, and such complete control of everything in our home life that to me (and the kids) it often feels like there is nothing that happens, ever, without her seeing it, or knowing it. She is so orderly and organized - its like nothing I've ever seen.
> 
> I have asked her - many times. Frustratingly enough, she usually blanks out when i tell her its getting bad. She doesnt realize it.
> 
> ...


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## Quigster (Aug 1, 2015)

sfalken said:


> It drives me insane. Every day its the same. Every other sentence is left hanging in the air and I have to prompt her through to the end of the sentence to see what thought she was trying to convey that she forgot halfway through what she was saying.


Holy crap. My wife does this CONSTANTLY. I used to find it positively infuriating. After a while I decided to just have some fun with it, and now I will complete her thoughts... in the most absurd and ridiculous way I can think of. Example:

HER: Honey, remind me that we need to go to the store to get some...

ME: ....

HER: ....

ME: Circus elephants. Got it.



> If it's not completing sentences, on the other hand, she also seems to just not respond to me sometimes. She thinks she responded, but she did not.


I have the opposite problem. My wife will say the same thing to me, several times in a row successively, because she had thought that she was merely thinking it and had not yet vocalized it. I have some fun with this, too. Example:

HER: I think that after work, we should gas up the car.

ME: Okay.

HER: By the way, after work I want to gas up the car. 

ME: Hey, you know what? After work, we should probably gas up the car.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Aphasia.

The inability to find words or swapping of common words with completely different meanings.

It's a language deficit. One that is considered a neurological symptom.

I have aphasia from my MS.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Yup. More common the farther north you live from the equator as well.

Speech or memory then you sort from there as to medical reason.

Jumping topics, racing thoughts, interrupting etc is ADD/ADHD, autistic type behavior.

Took several years to understand why I do what I do. And seeing people above like Holland how they handle it is about the least supportive thing they could do.




CantePe said:


> Aphasia.
> 
> The inability to find words or swapping of common words with completely different meanings.
> 
> ...


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

jdawg2015 said:


> Yup. More common the farther north you live from the equator as well.
> 
> Speech or memory then you sort from there as to medical reason.
> 
> ...


Well considering Mr H is not on the Spectrum then you would be wrong suggesting my approach is not helpful in our situation. Actually it does work for him.

I have a nephew on the Spectrum and I handle him very differently. 

Not everyone that doesn't finish sentences has ADD or ADHD.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

""all seeing eye"" this says a lot in my opinion

Is it possible she is just running on stimulation overload all the time? I do the same thing, it's like my thoughts are running at 100 miles an hour but my mouth only runs at twenty miles an hour, so by the time the words are coming out of my mouth my thoughts are a couple subjects ahead, and my hands are always moving toward something and that distracts as well.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

sfalken said:


> Strangely enough, she does not really match the symptoms of ADHD (from the link). Shes regimented, organized, and systematic in all she does. She interfaces with people and companies on a regular basis, and just about nothing escapes her view in our home. She is literally the "all seeing eye" around here.
> 
> Thats whats strange with this. She doesnt match the typical profile for having attention issues except for the inability to complete a sentence. Constantly.


My exH is as you describe above, yet was diagnosed with ADHD a year and a half ago. He has none of the classic symptoms, and his is more on a "macro" scale if that makes any sense. Always having to be busy to quiet his brain, getting bored easily (with people and things), making impulsive bad decisions, etc. But he's a total neat freak, always early, very particular and fastidious. Maybe it's because those are the things he can control when he feels like things inside his brain are out of control.

There are several different types of ADHD. My daughter has ADD (no H) and she is not like her father in the presentation of symptoms. Hers is more like just being spaced out, forgetful, disorganized, messy, hard to stay focused in class, etc. She sometimes forgets what she was going to say, but not to the extent of your wife.


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## sfalken (Nov 10, 2014)

She's almost 45. I think this has always been a problem to varying degrees. Oddly, if I had to put my finger on it, I think its more prevalent in the fall/winter... 

She's not a forgetful person in any other sense. Nothing falls through the cracks with her.

I just wish there were a way to respond that would convey my frustration maturely, and help her to see where I am coming from - in hopes that it would force some kind of awareness on her part.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Holland I'm telling you that your approach, if someone doesn't understand the reason behind is would be a A-hole to do what you do to your husband to someone like me. 

It's can be quite frustrating.

Of course not everything is ADHD. No idea where you got that idea from.





Holland said:


> Well considering Mr H is not on the Spectrum then you would be wrong suggesting my approach is not helpful in our situation. Actually it does work for him.
> 
> I have a nephew on the Spectrum and I handle him very differently.
> 
> Not everyone that doesn't finish sentences has ADD or ADHD.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

OP, if it's bad enough that it's causing you frustration don't be a jerk to your wife. She's not doing it intentionally.

Personally I would get her in for a doctor's appt and try and see if you can find a reason. 

I also have a lot of attention to detail etc so when people see things I do they always say "wow" like it's a good thing. But I also have issues with not finishing sentences and I have to be very aware at work to finish a topic before jumping to the next. Don't want to thread jack by going on about my situation but I totally understand your plight.

Sounds like it's not impacting her at work, etc. In my case I had to get in front it things as was losing focus and could not concentrate and was impacting my job performance. 

Keep us posted.



sfalken said:


> She's almost 45. I think this has always been a problem to varying degrees. Oddly, if I had to put my finger on it, I think its more prevalent in the fall/winter...
> 
> She's not a forgetful person in any other sense. Nothing falls through the cracks with her.
> 
> I just wish there were a way to respond that would convey my frustration maturely, and help her to see where I am coming from - in hopes that it would force some kind of awareness on her part.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

If she is very intelligent, she thinks much faster than she can speak. By the time some of the words have come out she's already on the next thought. If the next thought is more thinking-intensive, she may juthisst forget to finish the thought she was speaking out loud.

Understand?

Answer whomever asked if this is a recent change, however. If so, depending on her age, you may want to get her memory checked by a medico.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Let me add a suggestion or three as the self appointed TAM sort-of-psychologist... I don't think it's ADHD. I have it and I'm rarely at a loss for words.

If it tends to happen in larger group settings i would look at anxiety disorders. Fall and winter is when people are indoors, you get the idea. Try to collect some metrics on frequency in different settings.

The other would be aphasia. Esp if getting progressively worse. A neuro workup would be useful.


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

I just wanted to say that in my Recent Discussions list, this thread shows up as

Spouse Not Finishing...

And it feels like you trailed off and didn't finish your sentence. :smthumbup:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Are you the only person she does this with?


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## sfalken (Nov 10, 2014)

I think its more often with me, but not exclusive. Between her not completing her thoughts, my kids all three constantly interrupting everyone, and her not responding at times, I understand why my dad so often retreated to the basement when I was a boy. It was a harbor of safety, a place where sanity reigned.

Then there are nights like tonight which - I have to endure the longest, most detailed stories about mechanical engineering, customers, attachment points, kinetic energy and more.... where she doesnt understand when my eyes gloss over, she keeps going, and going, and going, and I am bored out of my skull. Damnit honey, I'm a network engineer... not a mechanical engineer.... <Star Trek reference>


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

It is a lot worse if you and your wife are in semi related fields....


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

jdawg2015 said:


> Holland I'm telling you that your approach, if someone doesn't understand the reason behind is would be a A-hole to do what you do to your husband to someone like me.
> 
> It's can be quite frustrating.
> 
> Of course not everything is ADHD. No idea where you got that idea from.


I never suggested for anyone to do this. Others are allowed input here which is exactly what I did, chatted about what I do in my home. You seem to be the one giving advice, there is no way anyone here can know what is going on with the OPs wife, it could be one of many different things. And actually my Sister will tell her son to be quiet at times, the repetitive talk can be over whelming for her, so people do not have to tippy toe around others on the Spectrum, it is always situation dependant.


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## welldusted (Oct 5, 2015)

My wife does this thing where she asks a question and then doesn't pay attention to the response. It's just one of those things you learn to live with in a mostly good marriage -- little annoyances that don't really need to be a big deal.


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

sfalken said:


> It drives me insane. Every day its the same. Every other sentence is left hanging in the air and I have to prompt her through to the end of the sentence to see what thought she was trying to convey that she forgot halfway through what she was saying. She gets distracted by kids, our pets, birds flying by the window, you name it and thus, she cannot complete a thought with words.
> 
> Granted, my wife's first language is not English, but she has been speaking English daily for 15yrs and is absolutely fluent. She has almost no accent anymore, and is a full time engineer with continual conversation all day with other adults.
> 
> ...


Oh man....this is so my H. I feel ya...super annoying...



Quigster said:


> Holy crap. My wife does this CONSTANTLY. I used to find it positively infuriating. After a while I decided to just have some fun with it, and now I will complete her thoughts... in the most absurd and ridiculous way I can think of. Example:
> 
> HER: Honey, remind me that we need to go to the store to get some...
> 
> ...


HAHAHA...I do this as well.....Sometimes my H gets it...most times he doesn't.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

welldusted said:


> My wife does this thing where she asks a question and then doesn't pay attention to the response. It's just one of those things you learn to live with in a mostly good marriage -- little annoyances that don't really need to be a big deal.


This.

My wife both starts questions without finishing AND doesn't listen to answers. As for the questions, I just keep doing what I am doing. If she wants to/can finish the question I'll listen but it happens so often that I'd spend half my day waiting for her to finish.

And not listening to answers? I think she just wants someone talking to her. We'll be sitting down to dinner and she'll ask what I had for lunch. I'll tell her and 10 minutes later she will ask the same question. I stopped getting frustrated years ago and just answer the question again. Funny thing is if I answered "chicken" the first time and "salad" the second time she will immediately recognize the difference (but then ask again 20 minutes later).


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Quigster said:


> HER: Honey, remind me that we need to go to the store to get some...
> 
> ME: ....
> 
> ...


Well, you certainly seem to have the sense of humor needed to handle this quirk.


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## sfalken (Nov 10, 2014)

You never know so much about a person (or yourself) until you live together for years.

The intensity of this problem comes and goes. Right now she can barely finish a thought before she starts thinking about something else and interrupts herself with a new idea. I and the kids are often sitting there hanging waiting for her to finish what she was saying.

At the same time - she's now in a phase where I often have to repeat what I say about 3 times before she understands me when I talk. There must be a lot of internal traffic going on in that mind of hers.

Shes extremely intelligent - maybe one of the smartest people I've ever known. She has a mind and a memory like no other. Just very odd.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I can't speak for your wife. But I used to have the same problem that she has. I came to realize that it was because I was never allowed to finish a thought without being interrupted, mainly by wife or something she started doing in the middle of my statement.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

sfalken said:


> We had someone helping to watch our kids a few years back who had the annoying habit of finishing everyone's sentences. I used to joke that she should live with us too, so that together, the two women could form complete sentences....
> 
> But all kidding aside... it seems to be more intense from time to time, but it never goes away. And she gets upset when I get frustrated from feeling like I'm pulling her teeth!



I had a therapist who did that as well. And then would judge on me the sentence that she finished.

Is it any wonder that I distrust therapists?


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