# My fiance has 3 Baby Mamas and there's drama



## makingmymarriagework

My fiance is actually my first love, and my first sexual partner. We we high school sweethearts, and we reunited almost a year ago. We broke up for about 14 years and within that time he got 3 women pregnant. 

BM#1 was a girl he had a relationship with after we broke up. He has a daughter with her, but he doesn't see her. He pays child support, but that sitation is very tense. 

BM#2 was an occassional booty call that he purposly got pregnant. He had actually asked me to have a child with him about 9 years ago. I said no, and he had a baby with her instead. They have a son together. Again, he pays his child support, and he does speak to his son, and DH and #2 are cordial to eachother. As a matter of fact, his son will come to NY for a visit for about 6 weeks this summer.

BM#3 was again a booty call that became a very ugly situation. They only hooked up about 4 times, and within that time in a 4 month span she got pregnant thanks to her poking holes in his condoms. 4 months after she gave birth to DH's son, she served him with child support papers. He hadn't even known he's gotten her pregnant. Again, he pays his child support, but he doesn't see their son.

Well, despite his baggage, I do love him, and I am planning our wedding, however there are some days that I just find it hard to accept that the man I love has let alone 3 kids, but with 3 different women! I know the children have nothing to do with our relationship, but he will be forever bonded with these women.

Incentially, BM#3 got DH's social security number from his mother (yes, my future MIL) She had gone through his phone and wrote down his mom's number and called and asked her for the ss number which his mother gladly gave her. Needless to say, that caused a strain on DH and his mother's relaltionship, so as a result, he doesn't speak to her.


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## humpty dumpty

Your Fiance choose to sleep with these woman !! and as a result he has 3 children ... the children should have every- thing to do with your relationship if you marry they will become your stepchidren !!! In fact can you be sure he only has 3 children ? id be wanting to make sure before you commit to him with your wedding vows !! what his mother done was totally right he should be supporting his children with child support and regular visits . He has 3 children to take care off with 3 women .. have you thought of making sure he isnt carrying any std ? Think long and hard about getting married its hard to make a marriage work with out loads off baggage ..but if you do good luck


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## makingmymarriagework

humpty dumpty said:


> Your Fiance choose to sleep with these woman !! and as a result he has 3 children ... the children should have every- thing to do with your relationship if you marry they will become your stepchidren !!! In fact can you be sure he only has 3 children ? id be wanting to make sure before you commit to him with your wedding vows !! what his mother done was totally right he should be supporting his children with child support and regular visits . He has 3 children to take care off with 3 women .. have you thought of making sure he isnt carrying any std ? Think long and hard about getting married its hard to make a marriage work with out loads off baggage ..but if you do good luck


Yes, he chose to sleep with these women, and he does want to be in their children's lives but I see firsthand that the court system is not always in favor of fathers. I have thought long and hard about the commitment I'm going to make to this man. He already has my heart, and so do the children!


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## Tim

Hmm... are you positive you guys are emotionally mature enough to marry?
If your not, you would think you are ironically. But I suggest going to a couples counselor before you tie the knot because there are many red flags I'm seeing in your accounts.


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## makingmymarriagework

Tim said:


> Hmm... are you positive you guys are emotionally mature enough to marry?
> If your not, you would think you are ironically. But I suggest going to a couples counselor before you tie the knot because there are many red flags I'm seeing in your accounts.


We're ready for marriage, and we love eachother very much. I have suggessted pre marital counceling and he is willing to do it.


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## marina72

This is only my personal opinion.... 


I wouldn't marry a man of this nature. The definition of insanity, is someone who keeps doing the same thing over and over again... and expecting a different result....

well okay, that is more like a saying, but it's true. Not saying at all that your fiancee is insane... But honestly... he doesn't seem to have been able to learn his lesson... one unplanned pregnancy (baby mama) situation is hard enough... but he's done it Two more times, for a total of Three????

Does he still not know what causes pregnancy? Or what birth control is? 

I am not trying to be harsh... but you need to ask yourself, a couple questions...

1. Do I really want someone with This huge amount of baggage? 

2. Can I trust that he will make decisions responsibly? (I am guessing no on this one, he's demonstrated his inability to be responsible.... three times, it can't be blamed totally on the girls, it takes two to tango)

3. Can you deal with these kids, who deserve their Dad's love, and financial support? And not become jealous, or resentful of the time and effort and money, that is , and will continue to go into raising them?

Look, you're not married yet. I have to tell you my honest opinion.. this is a LOT to take on.... and I admire you for loving someone that comes with that much baggage.. but there is no shame , if you decide you just can't take this on.... 

The biggest issue for me though, is not the fact that he has children. It's the fact that none of them were marriages, all of them were just a "hook Up" and all of these kids were conceived under Extremely Irresponsible circumstances,, not a loving marriage.

This says A Great Deal about his charachter.... he seems like he might be too childish to marry. Clearly, the responsiblity , common sense, good decsions bug,,, has not bitten him yet....

think long and hard. my take on it? I wouldn't have even dated him, much less thought of marrying him... not with that past history of stupid mistakes... over and over and over. 

ps. please don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that a child, or his children are "mistakes" but, we must be honest here. Every child is a blessing. But, any sensible person would admit that what this guy has been doing, is self destructive and selfish, at the very least.... to just randomly keep brining kids into the world.. like it's not a big deal, and is akin to buying a car or a trip to the supermarket....

He just doesn't seem mature enough for marriage, let alone to exercise control over his Dna....


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## makingmymarriagework

marina72 said:


> This is only my personal opinion....
> 
> 
> I wouldn't marry a man of this nature. The definition of insanity, is someone who keeps doing the same thing over and over again... and expecting a different result....
> 
> well okay, that is more like a saying, but it's true. Not saying at all that your fiancee is insane... But honestly... he doesn't seem to have been able to learn his lesson... one unplanned pregnancy (baby mama) situation is hard enough... but he's done it Two more times, for a total of Three????
> 
> Does he still not know what causes pregnancy? Or what birth control is?
> 
> I am not trying to be harsh... but you need to ask yourself, a couple questions...
> 
> 1. Do I really want someone with This huge amount of baggage?
> 
> 2. Can I trust that he will make decisions responsibly? (I am guessing no on this one, he's demonstrated his inability to be responsible.... three times, it can't be blamed totally on the girls, it takes two to tango)
> 
> 3. Can you deal with these kids, who deserve their Dad's love, and financial support? And not become jealous, or resentful of the time and effort and money, that is , and will continue to go into raising them?
> 
> Look, you're not married yet. I have to tell you my honest opinion.. this is a LOT to take on.... and I admire you for loving someone that comes with that much baggage.. but there is no shame , if you decide you just can't take this on....
> 
> The biggest issue for me though, is not the fact that he has children. It's the fact that none of them were marriages, all of them were just a "hook Up" and all of these kids were conceived under Extremely Irresponsible circumstances,, not a loving marriage.
> 
> This says A Great Deal about his charachter.... he seems like he might be too childish to marry. Clearly, the responsiblity , common sense, good decsions bug,,, has not bitten him yet....
> 
> think long and hard. my take on it? I wouldn't have even dated him, much less thought of marrying him... not with that past history of stupid mistakes... over and over and over.
> 
> ps. please don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that a child, or his children are "mistakes" but, we must be honest here. Every child is a blessing. But, any sensible person would admit that what this guy has been doing, is self destructive and selfish, at the very least.... to just randomly keep brining kids into the world.. like it's not a big deal, and is akin to buying a car or a trip to the supermarket....
> 
> He just doesn't seem mature enough for marriage, let alone to exercise control over his Dna....


Hi, yes you've brought up some very interesting points, and I appreciate your opinion. Yes, these children were conceived out of wedlock but he loves each of them and he supports them financially. Unfortunately two of the moms are unwilling to let him see his kids, but that is something he's working on through the court system. I have thought long and hard about being with him, and I love him and in love with him, and he feels the same way.


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## marina72

Well, if you really and truly feel it is something you want to do, then it's something you should do. I just hope you don't second guess yourself. I would hate to see you marry this guy, and then have all this drama, impair your new marriage. 

A new marriage can be hard enough as it is... without all this stuff that comes with this man, but with all that..... it might be tough. However, it could be that he's grown up and learned his lesson, and is a lot more responsible now. I wish you two luck if you decide to marry. But if you decide not to,,, don't feel guilty, you deserve a fair shake, right from the start. So, make sure this is what you want to do for sure, marriage is a huge lifelong commitment...

keep us updated  take care....


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## makingmymarriagework

marina72 said:


> Well, if you really and truly feel it is something you want to do, then it's something you should do. I just hope you don't second guess yourself. I would hate to see you marry this guy, and then have all this drama, impair your new marriage.
> 
> A new marriage can be hard enough as it is... without all this stuff that comes with this man, but with all that..... it might be tough. However, it could be that he's grown up and learned his lesson, and is a lot more responsible now. I wish you two luck if you decide to marry. But if you decide not to,,, don't feel guilty, you deserve a fair shake, right from the start. So, make sure this is what you want to do for sure, marriage is a huge lifelong commitment...
> 
> keep us updated  take care....


Thanks Marina, I sure will keep everyone updated!


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## Sandy55

Sorry to tell you this, but you are just going to be another one of his stupid statistics if you marry this fool.

It is plain you are blind with love because this man's colors are as crystal clear as a Texas sky in June.

He probably loves YOU to pieces! :scratchhead: You've already dreamed up lots of excuses to "cover' for him and faulted his MOTHER and the court system for "helping" a woman get child support. What is it going to be next, you excuse him for robbing banks to pay the rent "well at least he was trying to pay the rent..." boo, hoo, hoo.

His MOTHER is _right_ in giving her the SSN, as SHE probably had tried to get it by asking him and every other way...so SHE could get money to feed a child. And HE is MAD at dear MOM? :rofl: She was likely simply trying to see her GRANDKID got fed because his MOM realizes she has a screwy son!

_Marry this man and you will rue the day._

Boy, I'd LOVE to see Dr. Phil have you and your "fiance" on the show! :rofl::rofl:


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## 1nurse

He's had three different children with three women!! Do you want to be number four??? Get OUT of this relationship while you can. There are huge red flags here. Responsible, mature men don't make babies with 3 different er...women I use the term loosely. You're not thinking clearly and the lovey dovey feelings you have for him are clearly in control. If a friend of yours was in a situation like this what would you tell her? Hopefully not to stay. For I fear if you do you'll most certainly regret it.


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## Sandy55

1nurse: "...mature men don't make babies with 3 different er...women I use the term loosely..."

Psst, 1nurse: you used the word _loose_.:rofl:

As a matter of fact, screw loose comes to mind.....


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## Rhea

BM 1, BM 2, BM 3, oh my! 

You've got a lot on your plate, I suggest you think a lot more. I don't doubt you love him...but woah...it's a lot and I agree w/above poster...what would you tell a friend of yours if you found them in the same sitch?


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## 827Aug

That's more drama that I would step into---In love or not!


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## dobo

Give me a break. He's irresponsible AT BEST.

Does he know what a condom looks like?

And you want to marry him? The past is the best indication of the future. Get ready for a bumpy ride that ends in divorce.


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## Mommybean

BABY MOMMA...the worst phrase in the history of the English language, IMO. Love is one thing, but WHY in the world would you think this man is mature enough to sustain a marital relationship? Mature men don't agree to impregnate their "booty calls"...you would think he would have learned from his first illigetimate child. 
So, by marrying him, you are agreeing that you are ready to be mother number 4 on his list....and has anyone ever thought of how these kids might feel if one day they find out their bio-dad has a plethora of other kids out there that he did not stick around for? 

You're setting yourself up for a long list of problems...3 different mothers, 3 different child support payments...the man must make some serious money to be able to pay for those kids AND enter into a mutually beneficial relationship with you, where you each contriblute equally to the betterment of the household and the family.


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## fairydust

My H has 3 kids from two different women besides the 3 that we have together.

I should have seen red flags before I got into a relationship with him. He paid child support for one but not until his early teens when the court requested it. He has had little contact with any of them. But after almost 18 years with this man I'm done.

He had and still does have alot of baggage and is a pretty messed up individual. Totally not worth it to me anymore. I tried my best to help him but he's too ****ed up for me.

I just think it's a sign you may want to keep your eyes out for other signs that he may not be the right person. That's only from my own experience.


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## diazis here

you still with him. I can not believe it. You really think you could be happy in the future. Think about it honey


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## heartnsoul

Oh my, there are so many red flags, I hope you will take some time to seriously think this through. This man seems like he lacks common sense and has no sense of responsibility. I don't know you but if I were your friend or family member I would be on my knee's begging you not to marry someone who has a track record like this. Men who act irresponsible like this won't ever change. AS far as his mother goes, she was right to give his social security to the baby mothers. He should be paying for all of his children. The fact that you said he wanted a child but doesn't see it, should send up so many red flags for you. Think about this before you walk down the aisle, it sounds like you will almost definitely regret it down the road.


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## makingmymarriagework

Woah, thanks for your feedback posters! I have read the ones that were made over the last few days, and there seems to be a misconception that I want to have a baby with this man. Nothing, could be further from the truth. I decided 4 years ago, that I do not want any children. And as for the the 3 children/3 BM's-BM1 and he were in a relationship,and the relationship got rocky when she cheated on him, it ended when she he found out she frauduently opend a cc with his info, BM2 was a planned pregnancy (he had a baby with her when I turned him down). BM3 was a booty call, and she decided to have a baby by poking holes in the condoms, so YES, he does know what condoms are he used them with BM3, but SHE planned her pregnancy.


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## Sandy55

Your posts repeatedly give your man excuse after excuse for being a loose canon. It is ALWAYS the other women's fault.

Go ahead and have this man, since you know him so well. Next time it will be your fault and he will let you down and blame you, just like he does every other woman in his life.


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## makingmymarriagework

Sandy55 said:


> Your posts repeatedly give your man excuse after excuse for being a loose canon. It is ALWAYS the other women's fault.
> 
> Go ahead and have this man, since you know him so well. Next time it will be your fault and he will let you down and blame you, just like he does every other woman in his life.


Oh, he's no angel, there had to be some reason why he has a relationship with only one of his children. On the outside looking in, he wouldn't be considered marriage material, but we love eachother, and when I decided to enter into a relationship with him again, we talked about his situation. He hid NOTHNG from me and I know full well what I was getting into.


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