# 6 Years Married - Sex issues - Lack of attraction



## 6yearsmarried (Jul 27, 2012)

Hey, I have been married for 6 years now and was with my wife for 2 years before marriage.

We had the typical relationship early on (could not keep our hands off each other), but since a little before we got married we have been growing apart in the bedroom.

We are best friends, in everything we do and I could not imagine life without her but we NEVER have sex.. 

Well never may be a strong word cause we have sex maybe one a year.

We are both in our early-mid thirties.

My problem is, I am not very attracted to her any longer. I love her but am not attracted to her. I want to remain married to her but we are not intimate at all. It hurts to type this but its this truth. 

There is no-one else or anything; I would just prefer to pleasure myself than to be with her. 

I am beginning to get concerned for our future, as I know this is not healthy, we never talk about this issue and I know we have to but I do not want to break her heart.

Does anyone have advice? 

Thanks


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

You HAVE to talk about it. Maybe not by jumping right to the lack of attraction... start with asking why she thinks you guys don't have sex anymore. Ask her if she feels her needs are being met and tell her if she is meeting yours. Only you can decide if being married to a roommate will be fulfilling in the long run. For some that is perfectly fine, while others suffer in silence. I suggest you figure that out quickly, make a decision based on what is important to YOU and make sure you take the necessary steps to live a happy life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

6ym - I know what you mean by lack of attraction. I suffer from it too.


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## 6yearsmarried (Jul 27, 2012)

Thank you both, I have a 3 hour drive with my wife tomorrow, I will try and bring up the topic then. 

I have tried a few times but her response has always been we are fine.. I will be more persistant tomorrow though and try and get some answers..

Is there any way I will get over the lack of attraction ? She is not unattractive, it's just I am not attracted to her.. Sexually. 

Any ideas. ? 

Thanks again


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You have any kids?


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## HereWithoutYou (Jul 26, 2012)

What did you used to find attractive about her? Did something change? (Weight gain, things of that nature)


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Do you watch a lot of porn?

Eventually she will leave you, someone will find her very attractive.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Stop the masturbating for one thing!

at least for a month or two then see if your still not attracted to her


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## [email protected] (Jul 13, 2012)

this sounds somewhat like my situation. also married for 6 years, we were together almost 2 years before getting married. I also feel that I am not attracted to my wife, as I once was. I wouldn't say we are best friends though, and we don't have alot in common - different music tastes, hobbies (using that one loosely), etc. when it comes to sex and being physical, if I didn't initiate things we would probably only have sex once a month if that. most times there isn't much kissing involved, and it feels like she'd rather be doing something else - playing iPhone games if you read my other post.

in our case we have 2 kids, her 12 yr old son and our 3 yr old son.

so I'm also interested in hearing advice


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

Attraction is really easy to build up.

You don't have to feel like it either.

Your brain builds up the "Love Hormone" Oxytocin. So does her brain. It's awesome. Oxytocin builds up the deepest passion for your partner that you have ever imagined.

The formula works like this.

Snuggle, cuddle. Every day, naked if possible. Ideally is 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes at night.

It's fine to get aroused but its' best if you don't have sex during these two weeks.

Do as much eye gazing at each other, hand holding and cuddling when watching TV.

That's it. It's all there is to it. It is quite amazing how your feelings change in 3 or 4 days, and how in two weeks you won't even recognize that you ever had any lack of attraction. You'll be all over her and she'll be all over you. It's amazing becuase it's the power of brain chemistry which makes us really fall for someone. And it's permanent, too. As long as you do some snuggling every day (even 2 minutes is fine some days) you'll be so in love you won't believe it.

This works even if you are cynical. Even if you are skeptical. Even if you don't really want to try it. It works awesomely even if she doesn't want to do it. All you have to do is start. And keep at it. Two weeks. Try to avoid sex. Report back.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

x2startermom said:


> 6ym - I know what you mean by lack of attraction. I suffer from it too.


This is quite common and for many you don't know it is going to happen until after the marriage has been going for awhile. For women the lack of attraction often has to do with how he treats her. For men the lack of attraction is visual. And for many newness and variety in their sexual partners is what allows them to reach enough sexual desire to actually function properly. And marriage obviously kills this for these people unless they become serial cheaters.


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