# Husband Texting Female Employee - Emotional Affair?



## beingliedto (Jan 30, 2012)

I'm devestated. I've been with my husband for almost 20yrs. I've found that he has been texting a young employee excessively for months. He is 60 and she's early 20's. I had no idea that this was going on like this and the only way I found out it was, and how excessive it has become was because my son asked me to check the bill for something. I never check the bill online, or even look at anything other than the amount when the paper bill arrives.

I knew "something" hadn't been right for a while, but I couldn't pinpoint what the problem was. I finally figured that it had to do something with this girl but couldn't figure out what it could be. She's gay, so I really didn't think there was any hanky panky going on.

He texts her when she's not at work, he comes home and texts her, and he calls her too. I looked at the telephone records, for instance, last month there were 785 text msgs between the two of them and 139 phone calls between them. He says he thinks it's "fun." I realized after finding this out why I didn't realize how long and how much this has been happening because he put his phone on silent, so I wouldn't hear it going off.

I find it excessive and a slap in the face. When he should be spending time with me, he's texting and calling her. On his day off, he's texting and calling her. I know his employees need to call him and text him and this is not a problem, not even with her, but the majority of these texts have absolutely nothing to do with work, they're stupid and ridiculous. 

He's also gotten very nasty, defensive and short with me. I asked him to stop this behavior and he didn't, it's continuing, so this shows me he has no respect for my feelings, or for our relationship. 

Now I'm finding that he's lying to me. The other night he just said "I'm going out" and told me where he was going - I knew he wasn't going where he said he was and I was right, his car wasn't there (yes, I drove by). When I tried to call him, he wouldn't answer, nor would he answer my text. Right before he left he got a call from another employee and said he was going to drop off something for him where he told me he was going. When I told him I knew he didn't go to he said he had a last minute change. Wouldn't you know it right after he left the house, he called her. Between the time he called her and by the time he came home, there were no texts, no phone calls from her. I knew where he'd been but he won't admit it.

He's NEVER just gone out somewhere and said "I'm going out" and not told me where he was going. Now he is doing this. He just left and said he'd be back in 10 -15 minutes and up and left. I have no idea where he went, nor do I believe he'll be back in 10-15 minutes.

Last night I was pleading with him to stop this behavior with this girl last night, after I cried my eyes out, asking him who was more important, and if he had any ounce of respect, care and love for me, he'd stop this. This morning I looked at the bill - lo and behold, he texted her after he walked out of the room. Between them there were 23 texts from that time on. 

Am I crazy to let this bother me as it is? He seems to think so. He thinks I shouldn't be so jealous and accept his texting. He says she's a friend outside of work. He also says that even though there were 55 texts two nights ago that it's a short texting "conversation" that only lasts a few minutes. It was over an hour and a half this back and forth. It's not the texting her that bothers me, it's the excessive texting that takes place while he's with me at home in the evening, and on his day off. It's also this up and leaving that's bothering now too, this is a whole other new story.

I believe this is a clear case of emotional infidelity, does anyone agree?

Anyone have any experience with this happening to them? 

Thanks for any input.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Pleading with hm is not going to get him to stop. 
Its time for you to put your foot down. Action speaks louder than words. Pack your bags and leave. Or better yet, pack his and leave them on the front porch. Some people do not understand STOP, and they must be shown some kind of action. Right now he sees there are no consequences for his actions, thats where you come in.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Any chance you could get ahold of his phone? Maybe make him think he misplaced it? Or get it after he has gone to bed? If you can, you should respond and tell her this is his wife! Maybe she thinks he isn't married? Either way, he does need a wake up call. Leaving even if it were for a few days to try to get your point across of how serious you are might help.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Jamison said:


> Pleading with hm is not going to get him to stop.
> Its time for you to put your foot down. Action speaks louder than words. Pack your bags and leave. Or better yet, pack his and leave them on the front porch. Some people do not understand STOP, and they must be shown some kind of action. Right now he sees there are no consequences for his actions, thats where you come in.


:iagree: Absolutely he is emotionally cheating, if not physically. Any 60 year old guy who can get a 20 something girl to pay that much attention to him is not going to listen to reason. Time to play hardball.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Your husband knows you know something is up. You have even begged him to stop talking to her, and he wont. He texts with or without you around, he ups and leaves etc! I hate to say this, but you are being his doormat and he is wiping his feet all over you! 


He will not listen to you thats obvious, so you are going to need to step things up. If he wont listen then do as some others have suggested. OR get you a lawyer have separation paper drawn up, present it to him, do something, but just talking isn't cutting it.


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## beingliedto (Jan 30, 2012)

Thanks for the replies, and suggestions.

As stated, I don't believe he's doing anything with this girl, like I said, she is gay, this I do know is true, I met her old girlfriend.


He's now texting her in front of me, trying to justify it saying that they had 12 texts and it took 5 minutes. Let's just pour more salt in to an open wound.


Everyone at his work knows he's married, and he wouldn't do something that would jeapordize his position, he's very well liked, and respected. 

I could probably get his phone. What I think he may be texting is things about me probably, complaining to her about me, and then stupid stuff. Do I think anythings going on with them sexually, no, I don't. I do think he likes the attention and I believe that he's got some emotional attachment to this girl that's so strong that he doesn't care about me and my feelings. It just doesn't make sense to me why he won't give an inch. He's risking losing someone who loves him, has been by his side for almost 20yrs,through thick and thin - for someone who has worked for him for 4-6 months. It's sad, and stupid. This is not the man that I know and love. 

We're going to chat with a mutual friend tonight on the computer, maybe she can talk some sense in to him. Let's hope, but I'm not hopeful. Men can be so darn hard headed!


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## PaGuy (Feb 1, 2012)

Does not sound like a good situation to be texting another female, lesbian or not. I would ask him to stop


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Just because she had a girlfriend doesn't mean she's gay. ANd you are definitely right about him being FAR too involved with her, straight, gay or somewhere in between.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

You're already trying to make excuses and justify the behavior. Gay or not, he has no business talking with her. The fact you asked him to stop, and he hasn't is a huge red flag and a disrespect to you. 

Even if he is talking to her about you, that still a disrespect and none of her business. If he is having issues with you then he needs to talk to you, if not he needs to talk with a counselor. 

If you truly want to know whats going on, you will get his phone and read the texts somehow.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Whether anything is going on with them or not and whether she is gay is beside the point right now. The bottom line is, he is putting all his time, energy and attention into someone else, NOT YOU, his wife. That is a problem right there. 

I agree about getting his phone when he isn't around and doesn't know. You have the right to look and see what the texts are truly about. Then you can go from there. Even if its harmless, he is choosing to talk to and confide in someone else and that is taking away from your marriage.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

very possible.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

I feel your pain and I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.
He is liking the attention someone 1/3rd his age is giving him. Why she is giving him so much attention is another question. Also her being gay means nothing. My cousin was gay, then straight then gay now back to liking men only. This woman obviously also seems to like the attention your husband is giving her otherwise she wouldnt continue wit it. Doesn't matter what they are talking about you expressed your concern and he dismissed it as if it were nothing. If he is discussing your marriage that is a line that shouldn't have been crossed IMO. Its like an ego boost for him and hes loving it. No amount of begging or pleading right now is going to make him change his behavior.

Here was my thread about my husband texting women.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/38711-how-much-texting-too-much.html


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

I would call it an emotional affair, when he is at home there is no need for him to text her unless it is work related. I agree you need to put your foot down he sees no problem with it because he is the one doing it and to him its harmless. You need to set boundaries here its gone on long enough to the point he has gone to meet this woman. Its obvious that he loves the attention this woman is giving him (making him feel young again perhaps) its not going to stop on its own you need to stop it.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

He is meeting her, so this may be a PA (or will become one soon). The 'she's gay' line is just a smokescreen, IMO...time to put an end to this, one way or another...


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## lola_b (Aug 28, 2009)

I went through something similar, he told me "she was just a friend" but how many people keep real friends a secret from their spouse? It's the fact that he knows his actions are making you upset, he's disrespecting you. Either he needs to start respecting you and your feelings or he's out.

My stbx started cheating on me a month after we got married and continued to lie and deny it for a year and a half, I knew he was cheating but he was trying to make me feel like I was crazy for "thinking" he was cheating.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your H., is feeling his age, and is probably taking his last fling prior to entering the golden years, when he knows no other women, will pay attention to him.

There is only one way to stop this, and that is to get in his face, and tell him either he stops, or he can go see an atty., and defend a D. action

Anything short of that will not phase him, and if you have to see the atty., do so

Also you might just take all the marital assets, and put them in an acct. at the bank with only your name on the acct.---also cancel all his credit cards, and any joint CC's----he will go crazy, when you do this, and he finds out,---- all you do is simply get right up in his face, and say to him---You will NOT ALLOW him to waste ANY marital assets on his girlfriend---he will downplay, and your answer to that is NO MARRIED MAN IN A NORMAL married RELATIONSHIP talks/texts to a another WOMAN, AS HE IS DOING.

Tell him it stops RIGHT NOW, or you will see a D. Atty.

The only way to end his screwing around is to VERY VERY HARSHLY YANK HIM BACK INTO REALITY, and you have to be deadly serious about what you do

I guarantee you, any other course of action, will get you nowhere, and you will just continue being miserable


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

Why do spouses NOT understand that texting CAN lead to an EF? I don't text my friends everyday. Not even every other day. I don't hide my phone. I could care less who reads my texts.

But a spouse who texts a "friend" more than twice a day may as well get on the phone w/ them. And don't try to hide the conversation from your spouse either. THAT JUST OOOZES I'M CHEATING ON YOUR ASS but I don't want you to know it.

Spouses need to get a damn clue. I agree w/ the poster above. Your H needs a shock back into reality.


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## workitout (Jan 24, 2012)

Tell him you want to trust him, and suggest sharing phones.

This sounds like an emotional affair. That is a ridiculous amount of text messages to go to "a friend". Granted, its not the 3000 in 30 days that my spouse had between the OM, but its excessive.

As my counselor put it, "3000 too much? How about 3? How about 1?"

If he's not willing to share, you are going to have to be prepared to leave.


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## beingliedto (Jan 30, 2012)

Thank you all for your replies, I appreciate the time and your input.

Unfortunately, I don't believe this is going to work out. He's continuing to do this to me. I came home after him this evening and went in to the family room. He ate dinner, came to sit down on the couch, and preceeded to text her. As soon as I said something, the arguing started. I asked him to leave the phone alone for a half hour - he couldn't. Said he didn't want to. Said I was trying to control his life. Blames me for everything. He thinks he's perfect (serisouly) This is NOT the man I know and love, this is not how he talks to me, acts towards me, shows his love to me. I don't know what's become of him.

There is no respect for me anymore, I believe this is over. He said I've been making his life hell for years now. He thinks he's done nothing wrong. Just tonight he blamed ME for him not being able to call his sister who's in the hospital because we were arguing. I lost it, how dare he blame me for his not calling her! I tell him to call her every day. 

I am dumbfounded. I think this relationship is over and it's sad. This is what he wants, he can have it.


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

I'm so sorry for you. 

He is playing the blame game because he knows what he's doing is wrong.

Pack HIS bags and show him to the door. There is no reason you should put up with this behavior.

We are hearing just your side of the story and have to go by what you write (whether it's emotional or a knee jerk reaction from you). So the advice you are getting is based soley on what you say.
And if everything is happening exactly like you say,

LEAVE HIM! Pack his sh*t and show him the door. That simple.

I know it's hard to take advice or put the wheels in motion. Much easier said than done. But don't be a doormat. Only YOU can decide your destiny.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Jamison said:


> Pleading with hm is not going to get him to stop.
> Its time for you to put your foot down. Action speaks louder than words. Pack your bags and leave. Or better yet, pack his and leave them on the front porch. Some people do not understand STOP, and they must be shown some kind of action. Right now he sees there are no consequences for his actions, thats where you come in.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

beingliedto said:


> Thanks for the replies, and suggestions.
> 
> As stated, I don't believe he's doing anything with this girl, like I said, she is gay, this I do know is true, I met her old girlfriend.


Bisexual.

Also pansexual 



> Pansexuality, also referred to as omnisexuality, refers to the potential for sexual attraction, sexual desire, romantic love, or emotional attraction towards persons of all gender identities and biological sexes. Self-identified pansexuals may refer to themselves as gender-blind—that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others. The Oxford English Dictionary writes that pansexuality "encompasses all kinds of sexuality; not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regards to gender or activity."


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## beingliedto (Jan 30, 2012)

I just thought I'd update whats transpired...

Things only got worse, he isn't consistent with what he wants, one day he's lovey dovey, the next he's not. It's like living with
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One day he wants to go to counseling, the next day he tells me he's going so maybe I will change.

He tells me he's perfect and he's not going to change, it's me who has to change. 

The other day he said he had to work. I found out later he worked til 11am, then went out to brunch with "people" and then to someone's house to watch a movie. It was suppose to be his day off. Instead of coming home and spending time with me, he chose to stay out til almost 6pm.

He's saying hurtful things, and things that are not true. Complaining about stupid things.

Saturday, after I blew up about finding out he was with "people" he left. I think he's staying at a hotel. He's off living his life, you know where this is heading.

None of this makes sense - until I found this website about Midlife Crisis. This has his name written all over it!

Midlife Club: HIS Midlife Crisis!

It helps to know some of what I thought is right. Just don't know how to deal with this, if I can, if I will, if I want to.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Have you considered divorcing?


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## HazelGrove (Feb 29, 2012)

You have choices:

- you put up with his midlife crisis and all that goes with it, until it blows over. You pursue other interests for yourself during that time and build a solid shield around yourself. Some women take that route. 

- Without telling him first, you see a lawyer to figure out how to protect yourself financially, and decide on the next steps. Once you know where you stand and have taken some steps to protect yourself, you ask him to leave and let him know that you have legal advice and know where you stand. It might get nasty, so make sure you have your lawyer on call for when this confrontation comes. And don't hesitate to call the police if it gets violent. Or your husband might agree to a separation and divorce. Either way, you follow the steps you and your lawyer have decided upon, and you start taking the emotional steps towards moving on: for that you are going to need a good emotional network. If you have children, that would also be the time to let them know.

Even if you decide on option one, I would advise you to see a lawyer to decide where you stand, in case his midlife crisis pushes him to leave you and punish you financially, which does happen in some cases.

In both cases, protect yourself and know where you stand.


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## HazelGrove (Feb 29, 2012)

Another thing, you will need to know all his financial affairs, so start making photocopies and print-outs asap.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

beingliedto said:


> I just thought I'd update whats transpired...
> 
> Things only got worse, he isn't consistent with what he wants, one day he's lovey dovey, the next he's not. It's like living with
> Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One day he wants to go to counseling, the next day he tells me he's going so maybe I will change.
> ...




Go to the infidelity forum. He's cheating on you. He will continue as long as you put up with it. You've got to see yourself as deserving more respect than this. The first step is for you to acknowledge he is cheating. No more excuses for him. No more discussions about whether or not this is cheating. Once you've come to that conclusion you need to determine if you are willing to stay with a cheating spouse. If you aren't then inform him that you won't tolerate a cheating husband and will be looking to end the marriage. This should not be an idle threat and should be put to action. Also, no counseling while he is still cheating. You deserve better and you need to realize that.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

A quote from that article you linked us to:

"You see, men don’t plan on turning unpredictable. It happens when they look in the mirror or in the eyes of their grandchildren and see themselves as old men. They have, up to this point, believed they were 25-year-old boys. One mid-50′s midlife graduate says it made him a better person. *He remains with his original wife *and their relationship has been redefined to better meet his needs. He has his space and a home in the country that allows him to “entertain” when he feels the need and she has her space and their home in the city that allows her a place to pound on the walls and scream when she feels the urge. Another mid-50′s graduate traded the pressures of family, home and business to drive a camper cross country supporting himself by doing odd jobs. *The wife of a mid-60′s executive still waits for a long term affair with his much younger mistress to end but with each passing year she cares less and her community involvement grows*."

The whole article basically tells women that they have no choice and should just weather through a MLC...What a load of crap. There's no way in hell I'd ever put up with this bullsh!t, and you shouldn't either. This goes against what we here on TAM have been striving for in our relationships. To gain the strength and courage NOT to put up with affairs, whether it's through reconciling, or divorcing...

"He remains with his original wife"...what a saint! Is this what we women have to look forward to after a 30+ year marriage? Some old bozo to come out of it and choose US after all? I think not...!


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## beingliedto (Jan 30, 2012)

It's been over 2 months since I was on here, and soooo much has taken place I don't know if I even have the emotional willpower or desire to put it all down, or (care) to remember everything.

For those who said it, you were right, he was cheating. Boy, did I feel like an idiot, and I wonder how it felt for him to lie right to my face.:bsflag:

He has been gone from the house since the May 3rd incident. 

It was going on from around Thanksgiving on. 

He is living with her (she's 23, he'll be 60 in July) and her 2yr old. He's moving back to the state where we moved from, WITH HER. He is supporting her now as she quit working with him. :scratchhead:

From what I can find out, it seems his life isn't quite cracking up to be what he must of thought it would be. Living in a 1 bedroom home with her in a nasty part of town and his job is in jeapordy he says, though I have no idea why, nor do I want to even know. There's more, and none of it is positive for him. Awwww, too bad. I don't wish him ill will, but hey, he wanted a different life, he's getting it! :loser:

I found out so much information that it made it so much easier to not care about him anymore. I'm not hurt, I'm angry. I'm angry I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I'm angry that I he did this to me. He has really really changed, and it's in a terrible direction at that. 

To this day he's still trying to play mind games and is trying to control any situation there still is. Once he's gone back to FL, should he lose his job, there will be nothing more between us, if he doesn't lose his job, come end of August there will be nothing between us - only thing is a purchase of a bedroom set and health insurance that's between us.

Like I said, there's so much more to this story, but I just don't have it in me right now to spill it all out. 

BUT, I'm happy to say, I'm seeing a really nice guy. It's nothing serious, but he has greatly helped me get over my ex. Life is good - and I'm so happy to be out of my previous relationship - who would have thought?

Thanks again for all the previous replies, this has worked out in the end and will continue to do so in the future.

:smthumbup:


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Wow...I'm so sorry this has happened to you. 

But wonderful you can see a better life and future without this selfish pratt.

Best of luck beingliedto


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## beingliedto (Jan 30, 2012)

Just heard from someone who told me they his job is investigating him and it has to do with his relationship with her! See, you play with fire and are stupid enough to get burned, you can possibly be thrown in the frying pan. 

He must have thought everyone was stupid and didn't see what was going on. I thought I was the last to know - seems his job is trying to be "the last to KNOW!":nono: All his own doing.

Que sera, sera!


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

It's good to hear you are in such a good place. Thanks for the update.


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## beingliedto (Jan 30, 2012)

WOW! So much can, and has happened in just a matter of weeks...just thought I'd update what's taken place...sorta in a nutshell and a condensed version.

He was being investigated for his job, NOT because of him and her, which, in a way, was a good thing because I am sure, if it had been for the affair between a boss and employee, I know they would have thought I had something to do with it, even though it's not something I would ever do, but with her being so immature, and him being so screwed up, it wouldn't had surprised me. But, it wasn't for their relationship at all, it was for sexual harrasement. I still don't believe he's guilty of this charge, but I wasn't there and again, I don't know the man he is today.

From there, and through the investigation, he was fired last week after 12yrs with this company. Not only has he lost his job, he's lost our health insurance.

You think things can't get any worse...but they did. His son called me yesterday to tell me he had a heart attack early Monday morning. I knew the stress of all this was going to take his toll, and it just about killed him. He left the hospital today, his kids don't know if he refused the surgery that they wanted to do, or if, what he told them, that he didn't need the surgery was true. They have no access to find out without a release. 

I've learned, after 16yrs of quitting smoking, he's smoking again (she's a smoker) and I've learned he's now drinking as well. One of my friends said she bet he was prior to knowing it for sure, because this 23yr old likes to go out and party, and he was probably trying to keep up with her, and sure enough, I heard he was drinking. He never really much more than wine, and that started about 8yrs ago and that was only socially, and never in excess. So two more self-destructive things since he met her.

Along with that, the place they are living - it's trying to be sold and they had a showing supposedly today - so if/when it's sold, which could be soon, he has to move. No money, no job and bad health.

It's very sad to see his life, and how it's taken a spiral downward turn since he met this girl, but it's what he chose. He thought the grass would be greener on the other side...


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

beingliedto said:


> But, it wasn't for their relationship at all, it was for sexual harrasement. I still don't believe he's guilty of this charge, but I wasn't there and again, I don't know the man he is today.


Sexual harrassment with a different young woman?

I'm a little confused by what you've said. I'm interpreting you as not understanding what sexual harrassment is.

He probably didn't pinch someone's butt--he just probably did what you described in your very first post, that is, texted come-ons to women 40 years younger than himself. This is PRECISELY what comes of that behavior and frankly it ticks the hell out of me that it doesn't happen more often.

Consensual affairs between co-workers won't always give you enough cause of action to establish sexual harrasment in the workplace. But know that affairs can rise to the level of creating a 'hostile work environment' that is the foundation of a sexual harrassment lawsuit. Affairs that show sexual favoritism for sure are the very stuff that sexual harrassment lawsuits are made of.

I can only assume that a 60 year old man is not the professional equal of a 20 year old woman at his office, and if that's the case, he is almost surely guilty and he had what was coming to him.


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## Valley (Apr 24, 2012)

He sounds like he is paying for his crimes. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. It takes getting burned and burned bad to realize you were a complete and utter fool.

I hope you are happy and enjoying your life without the added baggage of his messed up life.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

oh man, there's no fool like an old fool!!!

glad you're in a good place now!


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Boy, I wonder how much she's gonna still be in love with him in a few more years when the stroke gets him a little harder and she has to start taking care of him like he's a child. Hard to maintain that fantasy life when your changing a 70 yr old's diaper....She's getting what she deserves.


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## beingliedto (Jan 30, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> Sexual harrassment with a different young woman?
> 
> I'm a little confused by what you've said. I'm interpreting you as not understanding what sexual harrassment is.
> 
> ...


Supposedly, the girl who brought the charges is a woman who he hasn't liked from the first day he got there. She was always a source of angst for him. Someother employee is backing her, from what I hear. They claim this happened in Nov. and charges were brought when he was ready to move back to where we moved from in FL.

What he was doing with this 23yr old was also against policy rules, but as far as I know, they didn't bring those charges up - or if they did, he was not going to admit it to any family or friends - they could have, no one would know it. But even doing just that was enough to lose his job.



one_strange_otter said:


> Boy, I wonder how much she's gonna still be in love with him in a few more years when the stroke gets him a little harder and she has to start taking care of him like he's a child. Hard to maintain that fantasy life when your changing a 70 yr old's diaper....She's getting what she deserves.


I don't see this happen for years. He's getting what he deserves too. I'm just glad I'm not having to deal with all this, anymore!!


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

beingliedto said:


> I'm devestated.
> 
> He texts her when she's not at work, he comes home and texts her, and he calls her too...last month there were 785 text msgs between the two of them and 139 phone calls between them.
> 
> Am I crazy to let this bother me as it is?


What makes that last statement/question more incredible is that I deleted out all of the lies and deceptions and just kept it short and addressed these objective facts.

I am glad the OP is moving on and seems to be getting past her husbands crazies. Good luck to you. That makes it easier to use your experience to perhaps help others.

How does an adult obtain those irrefutable facts then ask if she's wrong that she's bothered by it? What type of a sane adults can even THINK to answer to them with "it's innocent", then expect there to even be a POSSIBILITY that it could be believed? This husband went way over the line, but how many people are living this right now because they are gaslighted into thinking it's appropriate? 

No offense to the OP intended. This forum is littered with the souls of those of us with "what was I even THINKING back then" memories for which we'll be kicking ourselves forever. How do we get people to accept that it's OK to make it a concrete boundary on things like this? This was texting and phone. What about frequent lunches? Sharing a hobby a little too much? A little too flirty when they're together? Going out clubbing twice a week with their wingman/woman until 3:00AM? 

No, you are not crazy to let it bother you as much as it did. It obviously didn't bother you ENOUGH that you felt you had to ask that question. Same to all of you asking it about this or other issues you are having. Don't take it any more. Life is WAYYYY too short to live it like that. Get mad as hell and tell him/her you won't take it any more. Yell it from your window if you have to.


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## beingliedto (Jan 30, 2012)

WOW! It's been 5 months since I last posted, and the saga continues. Who would ever thought one could have so much happen in less than a years time.:scratchhead:

I thought I'd give an update once again, since I last posted beginning of June...

June was a hard month, for many reasons. One of the main ones was he health insurance issue. At the time he was terminated from his job he told me as of the end of May (1 day after being terminated) our insurance would cease. This was even after he had that heart attack I mentioned in a couple posts back. Claimed he didn't need the stints, checked himself out of the hospital, etc. Come to find out, insurance was good til the end of June. Here, he claimed he didn't need the stints (I know better, he's needed to do this for years) but since he already lied to everyone that he didn't...

He sent me texts saying I couldn't get insurance through him without him being on the insurance as well, and that since he didn't have any money, I would need to pay for us both I figured I'd look for insurance on my own since he sent me the info with only a few days left (purposely) and have to pay for a month, and then go out on my own. Found out he was lying and called the company and filed for Cobra under my own account. Since I was a beneficiary of the health insurance I was eligible to have insurance through the company on my own!:smthumbup: He wanted me to think I had to pay for both of us - NOT! On the last day to enroll I got a text from him asking me about what I was going to do about the insurance. I texted back after the date that I was able to obtain my own insurance and felt I didn't have to mention that I got it through the company he worked for. 

I didn't hear too much from him for a couple months, thankfully.

Last month, I received 3 texts from him within a short period of time, one on my bday last month (the nerve) and none that I replied back to. Crawled out of the woodwork again. I truly think he was trying to "feel me out" to see if I would possibly take him back, open the lines of communication, but I wouldn't have bothered. I heard from his daughter the man STILL has no job and that he had broken up with the girl and sent her packing back to her hometown in a Uhaul truck. Then late last month shortly after my bday (and those texts) I heard he got back with the girl, went to Vegas and got married.:rofl:

I know this man, and I know him well. With no job, he's living off whatever is left from his retirement/401K and cash advances from credit cards. He can't find a job, and he is now married to a girl that just turned 24yrs old, with a child that will be 3yrs old next month. He didn't want to be alone, so he went and married her. I just thank G-d each and every day since he left that I'm rid of him.

My life has taken a whole different turn. I'm now more active than I've ever been. I have more friends than I ever had. A fantastic support system made up of friends (recently was in the hospital for a week, they were my life savers!) Started a Meetup group for singles who just want to get out and do things and not sit at home feeling sorry for themselves, and have been dating the same man for about 8 months. 

I've always said everything happens for a reason, if it's meant to be, it will be- I truly believe it. 

When this all began, I thought my life was over - boy, was I wrong, it's only just begun!!!!!:smthumbup: I think (or at least hope) now that he's so-called "married" to this girl, I'll never hear from him again.

And that's the latest update, in a nutshell, once again


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## beingliedto (Jan 30, 2012)

*WOW! * I can't believe it's been over a year since my last post. This site/thread just jogged my memory, and I see where life has taken me since the original post, and since my last one as well.

Just a short update...and because I truly believe this is sooooo worth posting....

Haven't heard a thing from him in almost a year...last text was a Happy Mother's Day text in 2013, which I never replied to. The other day, I get a text out of the clear blue that says simply "Hey..." nothing else. I no longer have him in my telephone, but I figured it just HAD to be him. Didn't reply. Did some investigating...

Seems my ex, who got married to the skank that he was fooling around is no longer with her! :rofl::rofl::rofl: Yeah, seems she's moved on to the next victim. No details, but did find that she is definitely with someone else. Boy, that marriage lasted an entire 1 1/2 years! :loser:

So, in just about 2 1/2 years time, look what's taken place...his life went to hell in a handbag and mine has improved immensely. 

He made his bed....:yay:

What goes around, comes around.:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup: 

His entire life has become a train wreck and its a pleasure to sit and watch the crash!!!:smthumbup::smthumbup: Such a pathetic old man.:loser:


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