# I need some advice



## Cichlid (Apr 25, 2011)

Hi!

This is gonna be a lenghty post so, sorry about that (and sorry about my bad English, too).

Anyway... I don't even know where to start.

My husband is a Singaporean and we used to be in a long distance relationship for 5 years before I finally moved over to Singapore to marry him.

He's a wonderful person (most of the time at least) and I love him more than anything.

Singapore is a great country but there are a few things that make living a happy live here very difficult:

-Housing is terribly expensive so even though we've been married for over a year we're still staying with my hubby's parents because we can't afford a place of our own (most Singaporeans face the same problem).
I don't particulary like staying with my in-laws (no privacy) but I know we have no choice.

-For foreigners it is really hard to find a job here (unless you're a Permanent Resident or you're working for a company that has a branch in Singapore and thus got transferred internally to the Singapore branch). Ever since I came to Singapore I've been jobless. I looked through the job ads in newspapers and on the internet many times but they always write that "only Singaporeans and PRs need apply". Companies won't hire a foreigner without an Employment Pass/Work Permit because then they'd have to do the extra effort to apply and pay for such a Pass /Permit for the foreigner. And the only way to obtain an Employment Pass/ Work Permit is by getting employed by a company.

We have applied for Permanent Residency last year but my application has been rejected (no reason provided) so we appealed but to no avail. That left us with no other option than to apply for a Long Term Visit Pass. In Singapore, even though you're married to a Singaporean, you don't automatically get any visa. So, until they granted me the LTVP I was just an ordinary tourist. The LTVP is some kind of visa that allows me to stay here for a year (with an option to renew it yearly) but I am not allowed to work.

My husband is self-employed and set up a business just recently. He's terribly overworked (he works crazy hours from Monday to Sunday) and I feel terrible for not being able to help him (or us) out financially.

I hate it that he works so much and hardly ever gets to rest. Not because I feel he has to spend more time with me (I know he's doing all this for US) but because I fear for his health.

Him being so overworked also causes another problem: a bad temper.
He gets terribly angry over the smallest things and blames me for everything. He sometimes insults me and calles me names and tells me I'm lazy and that I have to help him make money and he also said he regrets marrying me. That's what hurts me the most.

I was thinking about how I can make money for the longest time but I just don't have a good business mind. Recently, I've come up with a business idea though and found someone in my home country who's willing to help me. In order to set up a business I have to apply for another kind of visa/pass and I'm now in the process of doing so and checking whether I'm eligible for such a visa or not.
I planned on going back to my home country later this year (after finishing something first here) to do more research. My hubby was fine with it at first.
Today, we were supposed to meet one of his friends from overseas but got held up in traffic. So, we only made it there with a delay of 15 minutes and by then his friend was already gone. My hubby got so angry that we were late and blamed it all on me again (coz I took 10 minutes in the bathroom) and was insulting me pretty much the whole way there and back. He said he wants me to go back to my home country immediately and set up the whole thing and not waste any more time. Sure enough, when we got home, he phoned up a travel agency and booked a ticket for me in two weeks time.
I know he's really stressed out and I do want to help him out financially but he's putting a lot of pressure on me and I don't know how to cope with that.

Usually, he apologizes to me sooner or later after showing his temper. And even though I know he shouldn't be saying all those things to me I always forgive him because I know he's only doing it because he's extremely stressed out.
It always takes a while for him to "cool down" and during that "cooling down" period whatever I say or do is wrong so, I usually just avoid talking to him out of fear that I might trigger his temper again.

I don't know what to do coz I think this time it's kinda different. Any advice on how to cope with an angry husband?

Thanks for reading and sorry again for the lengthy post.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

He is abusive . Leave.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Can you find a job easily back in your own country? 

Do you have a better life back in your own country?

If you can have a better life back in your own country, please just work in your own country and live your life there. 

A marriage without money is stressing. Please don't learn to put up with an angry man, please don't learn to live with a man who doesn't treat you like a wife. Before he married you, he should have known that it would be difficult for you to find a job in Singapore, he should have known that he has to provide for you. If he can't, it means he shouldn't have taken you to his country!


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

Use the ticket he booked for you, just not the return portion (if he even booked that). You don't need that kind of abuse.


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## lena11 (Sep 16, 2011)

You topic is nice.Where is your marriage and why not asked which place choosing?


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