# is spending time with the kids TOGETHER a good idea when separated?



## Philly8 (Mar 16, 2010)

Is it a good or bad idea to spend time together with your spouse (separated) in order to do things together with your children?

We have a 2 y/o son and I suggested we take him to the zoo/dinosaur museum together in a few days. I think it's important that we still do things together with our son for his sake, but am I maybe wrong in thinking that? I'm still trying to save the marriage, so obv I want time with her as well...

Pro's/Con's????


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## sicksicksick (Mar 7, 2010)

Philly8 said:


> Is it a good or bad idea to spend time together with your spouse (separated) in order to do things together with your children?
> 
> We have a 2 y/o son and I suggested we take him to the zoo/dinosaur museum together in a few days. I think it's important that we still do things together with our son for his sake, but am I maybe wrong in thinking that? I'm still trying to save the marriage, so obv I want time with her as well...
> 
> Pro's/Con's????


Tough call. Did your wife leave? If so then the general consensus is that you leave her alone. Sorry my friend I think we need more info. Read other peoples posts to get a feel for your situation.

*sorry just saw you did post, reading them now*


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## Philly8 (Mar 16, 2010)

Yeah she left, currently has a bf....well aware I'm trying to get her back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sicksicksick (Mar 7, 2010)

Well after reading your previous posts I'd say just go to the zoo & enjoy the time with your son. My situation is somewhat similar so I'd advise following that list that was posted on one of your threads. I know its extremely hard to do & I really feel for you man.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Philly8 said:


> Yeah she left, currently has a bf....well aware I'm trying to get her back.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Trying to be available and act like her buddy is the wrong way to roll right now.

She is in her 'cake' phase. I'm assuming you are providing financial support, while she's having sex with someone else.
You need to smash the cake in her face (figuratively)
Instead of being compliant, you would be wise to separate yourself from her and NOT be available. The more painful her life becomes the less she can ignore the circumstances.

To answer your question, as long as the kids know your available and accessible, you are on the right track. However, consistently doing things together can also make it more confusing for little ones
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philly8 (Mar 16, 2010)

Well forget the zoo! She just texted me saying ummm can we do it sometime after Sean (her bf) leaves for training? I've asked her the past 4 days about it making sure we were still on and she always says "yeah shouldnt be a problem." She just now realizes she cant spare ONE DAY away from this kid to take our son to the zoo?

Speechless.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I agree totally with Deejo.

My wife kinda did the same thing. . .like, "Gee, just can't we all be friends?" when she said she didn't want to work on it.

No, we can't.

Friendship has be earned and when you choose to dissolve a marriage, you are dissolving the friendship. THe friendship has to be rebuilt as far as I am concerned.


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## pokergirl007 (Mar 17, 2010)

It will confuse your son... not to mention make you crazy. Go to the zoo with your son alone. Its not your responsability to make sure that their mother/son relationship flows the way it should. Focus on your relationship with your son... BUT you should meet the other guy, you want to know who your son is being exposed to. Good Luck


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

i suggested to my husband that we still have family trips for the kids sake and at first he agreed then when i tried to spend to much time with him he told me that it was a bad idea cuz i will just try to talk him into coming back and he has made it very clear we are through he hates me dont even want to be in the same room with me he looks at me with such hatred in his eyes and anger


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

not a good idea Philly...IMHO...first off she's more into her new man...2nd why would you?..my wife who initiated separation set it up so family (me & 2 daughter) would have the weekend together and in same hotel room...worst time I had..JMO


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## cmf (May 21, 2010)

I am struggling with this issue too. Recently my H has started to invite me to things with him and the children. It's really the first time he's done this in 7 months and I thought it was a good sign. We have both gotten along and even had fun on the 2 outings we went on in the past 2 weeks. I have made it a point to keep things light and stress free on these outings. Now I wonder if this is the " cake " situation and he is getting his needs met by me and his mistress. The kids have really loved these 2 occassions but I do not want to give them false hope and tried to explain this to them. Currently, he is back to being cold and irritable with me. Not sure what to do if he tries to initiate another family outing. I want the affair to end . These outings are really the only time I have with him .Thoughts?


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

cmf..if it's been 7 months and he's asking you to go..I'd say that's a good sign for him..on the other hand it will only be a good sign for you if during that 7 moinths you have stepped back and processed your situation and any issues you had with your marriage and have worked on them..if during that time you have only worried about him and what he was doing without looking at yourself then IMHO you could feel real uncomfortable..only you know inside how you will react..are you strong enuff and at a point ready to take it slowly without resentment or being too clingy?


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## cmf (May 21, 2010)

I have most definetly processed what led to the affair- I also sent him a letter a few weeks ago letting him know exactly what I did to contribute to the marriage falling apart and apologized. I am not clingy , I do not text, e-mail or call him unless absolutely necessary( for the past 4 months at least). I had to start divorce proceedings due to him not paying support. I'm just not sure if I should be doing things with him and the children while he continues covering up his affair.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

That's a pretty honest response about yourself cmf...I hope it all works out..maybe if you go once (with him and kids) at this time you will know more about where you're at :smthumbup:


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## cmf (May 21, 2010)

I've gone on 2 outings with him and the children and we all had fun, ended the evening with just a goodbye. It's been over a week since then. I have no idea where I stand. He still wont admit his affair and I dont know what to do if he wants to go out as a family again. I feel like he is getting to have his affair, and act like he is a great family man when we all go out. It's like he is able to releive himself of guilt by doing it. On the other hand, I do not spend any time with him at all other than these outings. I guess I should just stop going with them.


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