# Reformed gatekeeper



## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

I finally am loving sex again after being a refusing wife for years. I have finally woken up and opened my eyes to the deep pain I was causing my husband. How I never really saw it, or looked. I never wanted him to feel unloved, but I was going through a bunch of crap in my own head for a long time. What woke me up? Reading this site, the forgiven wife, & others like them. I came to realize I was assuming that he saw me like I saw myself, with huge self image problems. I was so insecure about myself I projected it onto him. When he would tell me positive things, I would think he was just patronizing me to get laid because someone else turned him on. Idk, irrational maybe, but not uncommon for women. Anyway, now I see the light & really want to make him fulfilled and happy. Our 20th anniversary is next month, & I really want to make it special and very memerabl for him. I've booked the inn, bought lingerie (which is a total feat for me to wear) and now, I need some suggestions. What would be something I could do to really turn him on, spice it up??! Something different, not crazy, but unexpected and really sexy to him that would be welcomed. Unfortunately, I'm still too shy to open a conversation about his personal fantasies, idk why, but I don't want that to inhibit my trying to keep building sexy intanicy with him. Any suggestions on what you men would love your wives to try or do to you???


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Have you talked to your husband about your awakening and apologize to him for the rejection and sexual deprivation? I'm thinking that would mean more to him than any suggestion I can offer.


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

Actually yes. We went through a lot last year.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I experienced this... meaning the awakening, finally feeling what our husbands may have felt for years.... (I wasn't really a refuser in the past though, but we still missed each other more than we should have)...

So much to say... but no time right now.. this could be your hormones going haywire too. I know mine did.. (I was age 42 when it hit me like a train)...but so thankful for the experience.. as I'll never be the same.. I was compelled to open up, share , I even became kinda aggressive with my wants & desires.. I couldn't contain it !! My husband wasn't sure what hit me .. he couldn't keep up but at the same time..he didn't want it to go away.. welcome to TAM .. That's originally why I landed here..


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## Dragunov (May 21, 2015)

How do I get you to talk to my wife and help her understand? 


I'm m happy and jealous for your husband. Just having my wife alone for the weekend in some nice lingerie would be more than enough for me. Sadly it will probably never happen.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Is there anything your husband has asked for but you haven't done? Nothing way out, but maybe a BJ to completion, or, making love with the lights on all the way. Doing a strip tease & end with you grabbing his head & telling him where to lick.

For me, it was my wife actually showing a desire and expressing "I'm gonna f--- your brains out" , she said this while having all the lights on & naked. She didn't like me seeing her naked.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Eat plenty of pineapple or drink plenty of pineapple juice that day.>


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

@Dragunov I wish I ad an answer for you. All I can say is if she would read all the posts by brokenhearted husbands, maybe it would flip the switch on her as well. Maybe I have matured too, having more compassion for him. Realizing this is MY life, and i dont want to live it that way! I want an intimate, sexy relationship w my best friend. I will say though, I wish my husband would give me your kind of reassurance. He hasn't given me much feedback on how he's feeling about our actual sex life yet. I'm trying to be very patient with him reciprocating excitement of my now again found passion . I keep telling myself that I do not have the right to complain about anything after what I unknowingly did to him the last 15 years. He is a good man, w integraty. 
He is exausted from work as of late. And noe, I'm so horney all the time, but I feel like don't have the right to jump on him as I want when he's so tired. Idk.. that's why I'm so looking forward to our get-away! 

As far as refusing to do things he requests, that's why I wrote this post. He doesn't ever make requests. I want him to! I have given him bj's in the past, periodically. Recently, I decided to stop making such a big deal in my mind about it and just go for it. He gives me oral every time, (and he's soooo good at it!) Even though I had given him one a bunch of times, I never did it to completion. A week and a half ago, after 24 yrs together, I finally did. I let him face f--- me. He seemed to really enjoy it. I felt good because I made him feel good. He floated for a couple days. Anyway, that's why I want to know what I can do for him that he may not be comfortable asking me for yet. We are a work in progress.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

One other thing my wife has started to do, is she actually takes my hand or guides my face as to where to go. For years I could tell you everything she didn't like, but nothing of what she DID like. She was either to self conscious or just wanted to get it over with. 

I know forgivenwife.com has written about the fact that her husband did not respond right away, he thought things were to good to be true and was afraid it was all going to end again. Your SO may need some time to start trusting you not to pull the sex out from under him.


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

Yes, I understand that. I love that site too. That's why I'm trying to be patient and not let that derogatory voice in my head take over. It's a conscious effort, but I understand, it's my fault. I ruinded us by not beong interested. 3 kids, a job, etc, i never put him first. I didnt intentionally hurt him, but I was such a *****. Trying to keep up my confidence w/o assurance I desire from him is really har, & out of my box. But I'm loving loving on him, so it's ok......... for a bit.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Did he ever tell you that you were sexy? If so, did you give him a frown & verbally/physically rebuff him? If so, he may still be operating under that assumption. What worked for us was we sent emails to each other for a little while. It was hard to discuss topics face to face at first, as emotions got in the way. By writing it out, it gave each of us a way of making sure we had our thoughts in order, and expressed to the other person. Just a thought where you might express to him what you need.

My wife started working on intimacy, and our marriage is better than it's been in a long time. I was thankful for the forgivenwife.com articles. I too went thru phase once we started being intimate where I was upset with my wife. Strangest damn thing, she would literally blow my mind in bed, and the next morning I would wake up pissed off. Part of my mind was saying, "Why did you waste so many years when we could have been enjoying each other like that more often?"

Having read her articles, I kept my mouth shut and had to work thru those feelings on my own. Joyce Meyer has a 4 part series on YouTube about forgiveness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI89o8s3z1Q
Your SO needs to forgive you for your past actions, for his peace of mind as well as your marriage. Part 4 has a summary of part 1-3 plus a really good wrap up.

Keep working on it, and let him see you naked with the lights on. Start with them low & work up to it if you are uncomfortable. Both of you are wading into uncharted waters, so your defenses may be up, take each other's hands and enjoy the ride!


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

Thank you, I really appreciate your male/husband perspective! You've helped.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You should NOT have posted this!

You rang the Dinner Bell at the Lascivious Inn. You have loosed the Horned Krakens on this blog, TAM.

Debbie Reynolds roll over.........TAMmy is in Love-------> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ew3mtNZFrMY

The damn thing has not been gonged in decades.

I know for a fact that it had two inches of dust and pigeon poop encrusted [on it].

A while back, my friend Peter Little, asked me to give it a mechanical assessment [me being an Engineer, and all] .

Hell, I can see the bell's mushroom Dust Cloud from Lake Erie. What a sight to behold! 

Thuck, thuck, thuck............thong, thong, thong.....GONG,GONG,GONG.....I hear its melodious song clearing its dusty throat. De-Claring it's Joy!

Congratulations, My Dear!

How Righteous it is!-------------> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrK5u5W8afc


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Husbandsapprentice said:


> @Dragunov I wish I ad an answer for you. All I can say is if she would read all the posts by brokenhearted husbands, maybe it would flip the switch on her as well. Maybe I have matured too, having more compassion for him. Realizing this is MY life, and i dont want to live it that way! I want an intimate, sexy relationship w my best friend. I will say though, I wish my husband would give me your kind of reassurance. He hasn't given me much feedback on how he's feeling about our actual sex life yet. I'm trying to be very patient with him reciprocating excitement of my now again found passion . I keep telling myself that I do not have the right to complain about anything after what I unknowingly did to him the last 15 years. He is a good man, w integraty.
> He is exausted from work as of late. And noe, I'm so horney all the time, but I feel like don't have the right to jump on him as I want when he's so tired. Idk.. that's why I'm so looking forward to our get-away!
> 
> As far as refusing to do things he requests, that's why I wrote this post. He doesn't ever make requests. I want him to! I have given him bj's in the past, periodically. Recently, I decided to stop making such a big deal in my mind about it and just go for it. He gives me oral every time, (and he's soooo good at it!) Even though I had given him one a bunch of times, I never did it to completion. A week and a half ago, after 24 yrs together, I finally did. I let him face f--- me. He seemed to really enjoy it. I felt good because I made him feel good. He floated for a couple days. Anyway, that's why I want to know what I can do for him that he may not be comfortable asking me for yet. We are a work in progress.


A plus, in TAM's Educational Bonnet.

God, I hope you are real!

Not a wolf in sheep's clothing.....and not a very clever Ram!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I love my wife, but she has always been the gatekeeper for sex, and I've given up hope if it changing. From that point of view, my suggestions to the OP are:

Let him know that you are changing because you *want* to change, not because of some sense of duty or fear he will leave. 

Tell him what *you* want. Make it clear that you want a passionate sex life for both of you. 

Then do the things you think he most enjoys AND ask for the things you most enjoy. 

It may take him a little while to get used to it, to open up and to trust that this is a real change, and that it won't all go away again. Too many times my wife has tried to improve things, only to have them fall apart again after a few months. It would take a while now for me to believe that things had really changed - but it would work.


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

@SunCMars I'm so confused. Plain English plz.


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

@Uhtred we've done all that work for the past yr and a half, and continue still. At tge same time, we are ready to move on & have fun. Hence my asking for suggestions of adventures/kinky ideas to suprize him with.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OK, has he given you any hints? Can you tell what sorts of things excite him?

The problem is that there really is a LOT of variation in what men like. 

Can you tell if he like dominating or being dominated? The novelty of your wearing a wig, or costume? 







Husbandsapprentice said:


> @Uhtred we've done all that work for the past yr and a half, and continue still. At tge same time, we are ready to move on & have fun. Hence my asking for suggestions of adventures/kinky ideas to suprize him with.


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## bilbag (Aug 3, 2016)

Reading stories here, etc. of pain and sorrow made you crave sex again? Amazing. As to stuff I would like....is to do it in different places, stairs, countertops, couch, deck, patio, under the stars, being awakened orally, maybe grapes and cherries....


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

That's not what I said. Wierd interpretation.


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## bilbag (Aug 3, 2016)

Husbandsapprentice said:


> That's not what I said. Wierd interpretation.


Please correct me. Here is what you wrote:
"I have finally woken up and opened my eyes to the deep pain I was causing my husband. How I never really saw it, or looked. I never wanted him to feel unloved, but I was going through a bunch of crap in my own head for a long time. What woke me up? Reading this site, the forgiven wife, & others like them." 
What interpretation am I mistaking in your turn around and what is weird?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

This is why its so difficult to know what to do. For *me*, none of the things bilbag suggested sound particularly interesting. At he same time, I suspect that he would be uninterested or turned-off by my kinks which tend toward dominance (in either direction).

There is just such a hug variety in what interests people. 




bilbag said:


> snip
> . As to stuff I would like....is to do it in different places, stairs, countertops, couch, deck, patio, under the stars, being awakened orally, maybe grapes and cherries....


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

basically just go nuts over him and make him feel as though you are driven insane by him and can't get enough. there are many different things you can do, but if everything is done with this attitude, you will be doing it right


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

Agreed!


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

uhtred said:


> This is why its so difficult to know what to do. For *me*, none of the things bilbag suggested sound particularly interesting. At he same time, I suspect that he would be uninterested or turned-off by my kinks which tend toward dominance (in either direction).
> 
> There is just such a hug variety in what interests people.
> 
> ...


I didn't think so either. I think he's more like you, into dominance.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> Eat plenty of pineapple or drink plenty of pineapple juice that day.>


Ok, I've heard this before! But is it true? That semen tastes better after the man consumed pineapple before the blow job? Obviously, only a woman can answer this...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

A kiddie pool and about six gallons of chocolate pudding.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

uhtred said:


> It may take him a little while to get used to it, to open up and to trust that this is a real change, and that it won't all go away again. Too many times my wife has tried to improve things, only to have them fall apart again after a few months. It would take a while now for me to believe that things had really changed - but it would work.


I think that if you all of the sudden expect him to trust you after you took 15 years of his life from him, you're insane. Forgiveness takes time, alot of time. All will not be better after just one weekend of sex. I think well before you do this weekend, you should have a LONG talk with him and apologize...even then I don't think he'll believe you.

I understand how this poor man must be feeling, I've been married to a refuser for more than 20 years. If she all of the sudden figured out what you have and now wanted me after all this time I wouldn't be game. I would probably tell her to go to hell.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Husbandsapprentice said:


> I came to realize I was assuming that he saw me like I saw myself, with huge self image problems. I was so insecure about myself I projected it onto him. When he would tell me positive things, I would think he was just patronizing me to get laid because someone else turned him on. Idk, irrational maybe, but not uncommon for women.
> 
> What would be something I could do to really turn him on, spice it up??! Something different, not crazy, but unexpected and really sexy to him that would be welcomed. Unfortunately, I'm still too shy to open a conversation about his personal fantasies, idk why


 Get over it and ask. Doing so would be a microcosm of correcting what you've already identified--accurately--as the #1 problem: your lack of confidence in yourself and your husband's desire for you. FSH has it right: that's what he wants to see, and right now specific fantasies or tricks are secondary (and only he can tell you which ones he responds to in any case, once he's sure this is for real and you won't judge him for the revelation). 

Strive to exhibit confidence in your own allure by whatever means: leaving the lights on, being forward, wearing lingerie, playful/teasing statements that assume his desire as a given, doing just about anything active in the bedroom WITHOUT apologizing for yourself, making self-critical/judging remarks, etc. A pattern of interactions such as this should start a virtuous spiral of increasing confidence and safety for you both.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Work on your overall relationship with your husband, not just sex. What worked for your relationship before, before it went downhill? Can you recreate some of that? It sounds like your husband isn't that into you and that could be the core of why you aren't getting much response from him. You said it's been a year, right?


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

@jb02157: Thank you so much for all of your positive thoughts! Smh Sorry you're so upset with your wife that you had to come on MY post and be derogatory and rude to me! :\ If you wouldn't have been so lazy & read my previous comments on this post, you would have seen that I mentioned TWICE that we have been working on rebuilding our relationship for over a year and a half now. So your "you can't fix 15 years with one weekend of sex..." is just ignorant, and totally uncalled for. Obviously you are beyond fusterated. Sorry you have lost hope. Get over yourself and stop judging me & read all the facts and stop projecting your sorrow/anger on me!

I have been enjoying all the positive, encouraging people here on TAM. I kindly ask you to move on if you have nothing constructive to say!


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> Work on your overall relationship with your husband, not just sex. What worked for your relationship before, before it went downhill? Can you recreate some of that? It sounds like your husband isn't that into you and that could be the core of why you aren't getting much response from him. You said it's been a year, right?


Obviously you didn't read very well either.


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

Phil Anders said:


> Husbandsapprentice said:
> 
> 
> > I came to realize I was assuming that he saw me like I saw myself, with huge self image problems. I was so insecure about myself I projected it onto him. When he would tell me positive things, I would think he was just patronizing me to get laid because someone else turned him on. Idk, irrational maybe, but not uncommon for women.
> ...


Thank you, I will take your advice!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

uhtred said:


> I love my wife, but she has always been the gatekeeper for sex.


Uh, yeah?

She owns the gate...you own the battering ram!

I'm bad.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Husbandsapprentice;16317594 I came to realize[B said:


> I was assuming that he saw me like I saw myself, with huge self image problems. [/B] I was so insecure about myself I projected it onto him. When* he would tell me positive things,* I would think he was just patronizing me to get laid because someone else turned him on. Idk, irrational maybe, but not uncommon for women. Anyway, now I see the light & really want to make him fulfilled and happy. Our 20th anniversary is next month, & I really want to make it special and very memerabl for him.* I've booked the inn, bought lingerie (which is a total feat for me to wear) and now, I need some suggestions. What would be something I could do to really turn him on, spice it up??!* Something different, not crazy, but unexpected and really sexy to him that would be welcomed. Unfortunately, I'm still too shy to open a conversation about his personal fantasies, idk why, but I don't want that to inhibit my trying to keep building sexy intanicy with him. Any suggestions on what you men would love your wives to try or do to you???



Your husband has told you that he finds you attractive; so I wouldn't worry about that.

And I think that you've answered your own question  You're going away for your anniversary and you're going to wear your pretty lingerie.

Take it from there.




> I have given him bj's in the past, periodically. Recently, I decided to stop making such a big deal in my mind about it and just go for it.* He gives me oral every time, (and he's soooo good at it!)* Even though I had given him one a bunch of times, I never did it to completion. A week and a half ago, after 24 yrs together, I finally did. *I let him face f--- me. He seemed to really enjoy it. I felt good because I made him feel good. He floated for a couple days.*


This sounds great. If he loves giving you oral, and is comfortable face fcking you >, then you guys already sound like you are breaking down barriers... maybe try 69, if you haven't already. Warm up by having a nice hot lathery shower, so you feel squeaky clean and confident.

Now that you're feeling really sexy about him; having your face buried in him, while he's eating you will be super exciting.


Bless you. Good luck to you guys.  Nice to hear about someone who is having a positive experience in their sexlife.


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

@SimplyAmorous has already posted, hopefully she will be back; 'cause she has a lot of interesting experiences with "awakening".

Maybe @Catherine602 and @Anon Pink might have insights for you too??


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Husbandsapprentice said:


> Obviously you didn't read very well either.


Rude. When you don't like what you hear, you lash out at people. If that's the way you behave with your spouse, not wonder he's not responding enthusiastically to your new found interest.


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## Husbandsapprentice (Aug 14, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> Rude. When you don't like what you hear, you lash out at people. If that's the way you behave with your spouse, not wonder he's not responding enthusiastically to your new found interest.


Ditto on my last.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

CynthiaDe said:


> Rude. When you don't like what you hear, you lash out at people. If that's the way you behave with your spouse, not wonder he's not responding enthusiastically to your new found interest.




Agreed. It's an attempt at a dominance display. She thinks her husband has dom/sub fantasies but she acts controlling like this? Not a good sign. 

Actually reminds me of my wife who was a gatekeeper for many years. Now she wants sex all the time but on her terms. And outside of sex she's also controlling. Barking orders the minute I walk in the door. 

The op hasn't figured out yet that she can learn more from the critical posters than the ones blowing smoke up her but for her supposed awakening.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Husbandsapprentice said:


> @jb02157: Thank you so much for all of your positive thoughts! Smh Sorry you're so upset with your wife that you had to come on MY post and be derogatory and rude to me! :\ If you wouldn't have been so lazy & read my previous comments on this post, you would have seen that I mentioned TWICE that we have been working on rebuilding our relationship for over a year and a half now. So your "you can't fix 15 years with one weekend of sex..." is just ignorant, and totally uncalled for. Obviously you are beyond fusterated. Sorry you have lost hope. Get over yourself and stop judging me & read all the facts and stop projecting your sorrow/anger on me!
> 
> I have been enjoying all the positive, encouraging people here on TAM. I kindly ask you to move on if you have nothing constructive to say!


I missed that small post, sorry. I'm merely trying to point out to you that even after a year and a half you should expect at least some ill feelings after being a gatekeeper, things aren't going to be puppy dogs and butterflies after doing this to him for so long. It will be very hard for him to trust again. I won't post on this thread again, sorry.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

jb02157 said:


> I think that if you all of the sudden expect him to trust you after you took 15 years of his life from him, you're insane. Forgiveness takes time, alot of time. All will not be better after just one weekend of sex. I think well before you do this weekend, you should have a LONG talk with him and apologize...even then I don't think he'll believe you.
> 
> I understand how this poor man must be feeling, I've been married to a refuser for more than 20 years. If she all of the sudden figured out what you have and now wanted me after all this time I wouldn't be game. I would probably tell her to go to hell.


I totally get this feeling.

he might be angry or he might just find it more absurd than anything, as in "wow, you really think you're going to do this, huh?", as if she just announced she was going to fly out of the window.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Husbandsapprentice said:


> @jb02157: Thank you so much for all of your positive thoughts! Smh Sorry you're so upset with your wife that you had to come on MY post and be derogatory and rude to me! :\ If you wouldn't have been so lazy & read my previous comments on this post, you would have seen that I mentioned TWICE that we have been working on rebuilding our relationship for over a year and a half now. So your "you can't fix 15 years with one weekend of sex..." is just ignorant, and totally uncalled for. Obviously you are beyond fusterated. Sorry you have lost hope. Get over yourself and stop judging me & read all the facts and stop projecting your sorrow/anger on me!
> 
> I have been enjoying all the positive, encouraging people here on TAM. I kindly ask you to move on if you have nothing constructive to say!


I think it's great that you seem to be on a positive track, but hopefully you're not too quick to dismiss the idea that there might be a huge reservoir of pain/loss that you might need to deal with.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

I think you've got to guard against the sense that just because YOU'RE interested now, that it will happen and be awesome for YOU.

I have no idea if this is the case, but if after all of this time and rejection, your husband gets the sense that this newfound interest is a means of boosting your ego, it will backfire.

You may just want to have a genuine connection with him, which is great.

Just remember that his self esteem was likely ground to dust during the years you were rejecting him, so he may have little patience if it starts to seem like this is just the flipside of your prior gatekeeping role.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Husbandsapprentice said:


> Obviously you didn't read very well either.


This is an open forum. Anyone who is polite and follows the rules is welcome to post here.

Your chastising of other posters is rude. Just as your attempt to be flirty with other posters is against forum rules (that post was deleted).

People took the time to read your post and wrote about what they took from it to give you input. Sometimes people see something that the original poster does not see in their own life. Just because you don't like it does not make it bad input.

I doubt many people will want to post and interact with you if you continue to be rude to other posters.


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

You could explore getting some type of adult board game (or similarly themed phone / tablet app.) Essentially, experimentation follows from playing the game rather than asking about fantasies.

You could play this game during your getaway.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Ever thought about not being the gatekeeper any more? Just tell your husband in a loving way that when you two are home alone, that he can have all the sex he wants. That's what every guy wants to hear. lol


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## GoodFunLife (Apr 24, 2015)

I have been in a version of your H's shoes for the past couple years but seeing some daylight recently. Try thinking about it this way - for years he has been starving to feel your desire and to feel real responsiveness instead of resistance and rejection. Give him this regularly but don't force it, allow it to happen naturally. He wants to lead the sex. If you allow your sexy feminine side to open up to him it will feel much more genuine to him than a BJ in the car or something else that might seem contrived. The more exotic stuff can wait until you have re-established a true sexual connection.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

Husbandsapprentice said:


> Unfortunately, I'm still too shy to open a conversation about his personal fantasies, idk why, but I don't want that to inhibit my trying to keep building sexy intanicy with him. Any suggestions on what you men would love your wives to try or do to you???


I feel like this thread went off the rails and hardly touched on answering her question. Which was about how to know what her husband may like. I think ideally, if you're trying to make it a memorable experience, I would want it to last as long as possible if I were him. But, I feel like I need to know a few things. How old is he? Is he done after ejaculation or is he looking to go again in 5-10 minutes. Think of positions that show off your assets. Think of outfits that accentuate those assets. Maybe tie him up and blindfold him, but make it so he can see some... Maybe sit on his face, then reverse cowgirl. Then when he is close blow him to completion, if refractory period is short. If refractory period is long, try to get him close, then stop, and repeat getting him close a few times. It's called edging, and you should read more before trying because it is a delicate balance. But try to finish him with oral since you know he likes that so much. But this is a female dominant fantasy. He may want a more submissive experience. Do you have any clue about which he might prefer? Good Luck.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> This is an open forum. Anyone who is polite and follows the rules is welcome to post here.
> 
> Your chastising of other posters is rude. Just as your attempt to be flirty with other posters is against forum rules (that post was deleted).
> 
> ...


I admit I wasn't being polite in my post either. I want to apologize to the rest of the posters on this thread.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

@Husbandsapprentice I think it's great that you realized what the lack of sex has done and that you want to fix things. 

After years of being rejected he may be a little weary of your motives. 
I like I think most men, just want a partner that WANTS to be intimate and shows desire to do so. 

Like most men I can be up and ready at the drop of a hat but when my wife flirts and shows true desire, that makes it special. I would rather have vanilla starfish sex if she flirted a lot and got me all wound up than porn star meaningless sex. 

Having my wife show she desires me both as a husband and a sexual partner helps me connect with her on many levels. 

Having a lot of sex with my wife is good. Having a lot of meaningful sex is preferred. 


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## Natthewife (Jun 16, 2014)

Husbandsapprentice said:


> @SunCMars I'm so confused. Plain English plz.


I had to re-read the reply 3,4,5 times over also. 

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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

@Husbandsapprentice First congratulation on your turn around. We have similar experiences. I was not a gatekeeper but I did not understand my husband and I was inhibited sexually. I happen to come across two books that were revelations and read TAM post form heartbroken sexually rejected husbands who love and want their wives. 

It is hard to read them and continue to be unloving to someone you love. I think wives who reject their husbands sexually don't know that they are wounding them emotionally. Information gleaned from several creditable sources is a powerful motivation for change. 

I hope women who don't understand are reading TAM and like you and it effects change.


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## SouthernViking (May 7, 2016)

Not sure if anyone has answered your question yet, spicing things up, so I'll take a stab at it. How about something that you've never done or have rarely done like swallowing. Learning to squirt if you don't know how (it's the most erotic thing I've ever experienced). Taking complete control over the night as in, strip tease into masturbation and telling him what exactly your gonna do to him and then throughout the love making you telling him everything you want him to do.
Just some thoughts...


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