# Confession



## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

I confessed to H about the entire AF. I told him everything I was open and honest and remorseful. I have had NC at all with OM. However two days before NC I contacted him.I told my H today and said it was a hard blow to take. I was open and honest with H ,isn't that what I am supposed to do. I did it I told him, even if it will cost me everything! I know I will get bashing for this one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

As a BS I know the pain he is feeling. Your contact with the OM was something to satisfy you and you did not even think of the pain you might cause your husband again. It was very selfish. No one wants to hear that closure BS beceause it is all about you.

Being remorseful means you are going to take your husbands needs and place them first above your own. The BS has all sorts of mind movies and trust issues to deal with.

You need to lay your life open, email passwords and leave your cell phone alone.

Try thinking about how you would feel if this was reveresed. I am sure your husband is taking steps to fix the marriage you would not have considered if the shoe was on the other foot.

If you really want to fix your marriage set aside your wants and desires and place him first above everything else


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Are you still working with the OM?


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## Sweet Tea (May 4, 2012)

A couple questions SOM. What made you confess to your BS? What made you contact your AP before going NC? How long was the affair and was it physical?

And in answer to your question, "Isn't that what I'm suppose do" yes, you are to be open and honest at all times but you are also to do whatever your husband needs and wants you to do to help HIM get over this.

If he wants to R, then it STOPS being about you and becomes all about him and what he needs to gain his trust back in you.

What concerns me is your whole post was about you. You didn't ask what you need to do to help your husband heal. It just seems you want validation for being honest to the person you betrayed. I do hope I am wrong about this.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Good for confessing. That's a very good step.

However, what went on during your last NC? what was the nature of it?


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Are you still working with the OM?


Absolutely not!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

saveourmarriage said:


> Absolutely not!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good.


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Good for confessing. That's a very good step.
> 
> However, what went on during your last NC? what was the nature of it?


This was last week 3 days before I broke NC. It was his wedding
anniversary . I know stupid. But I wanted H to know everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

There is something very important for you to understand. Affairs destroy marriages because they are lies. Their foundation is a lie and to perpetuate them you have to live a lie. Finding out about an affair is crushing. You have pushed your spouse to their limit. Now even small lies may break them entirely. You better dig down and think if you've left anything out. Because if he finds out on his own, he may be done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

Sweet Tea said:


> A couple questions SOM. What made you confess to your BS? What made you contact your AP before going NC? How long was the affair and was it physical?
> 
> And in answer to your question, "Isn't that what I'm suppose do" yes, you are to be open and honest at all times but you are also to do whatever your husband needs and wants you to do to help HIM get over this.
> 
> ...


I am doing all I can for him. I am starting to get out of the Fog. I realize how truly hurt he is that is why I confessed everything to him. In answer to your question it was a PA and it was for a year. I quit my job in order to have NC with AF. Who is a jerk I might add.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sweet Tea (May 4, 2012)

saveourmarriage said:


> I am doing all I can for him. I am starting to get out of the Fog. I realize how truly hurt he is and I am doing all I can, that is why I confessed everything to him. In answer to your question it was a PA
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, I saw your other thread AFTER I posted that. Which I why I think I shall remain a "lurker" 

I do hope everything works out for you SOM. Just remember to be honest at all times and keep giving him what he needs. 

Now, going back into hiding


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> There is something very important for you to understand. Affairs destroy marriages because they are lies. Their foundation is a lie and to perpetuate them you have to live a lie. Finding out about an affair is crushing. You have pushed your spouse to their limit. Now even small lies may break them entirely. You better dig down and think if you've left anything out. Because if he finds out on his own, he may be done.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have told him everything. No more lies, no more cheating even if I lose him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Good for you opening up and being honest no matter the consequences.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Forgive me for being dense but In your last thread, your husband *Gator2012* said that there were 4 DDays, are you saying that there more DDays that he was unaware of and that you just confessed them to him since your last thread? :scratchhead:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

morituri said:


> Forgive me for being dense but In your last thread, your husband *Gator2012* said that there were 4 DDays, are you saying that there more DDays that he was unaware of and that you just confessed them to him since your last thread? :scratchhead:


Yeah, this is confusing. I thought the BS was going to report the OM to the hospital admin.


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah, this is confusing. I thought the BS was going to report the OM to the hospital admin.


He did we are still waiting to here back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

It seems to me that you aren't telling us anything new. Am I wrong?


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

morituri said:


> Forgive me for being dense but In your last thread, your husband *Gator2012* said that there were 4 DDays, are you saying that there more DDays that he was unaware of and that you just confessed them to him since your last thread? :scratchhead:
> 
> Yes I confessed everything to my H I wanted him to know the truth, no more lies.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Did you end the affair because the man was a jerk or did you chose your husband? If he is second best, I think you need to work on why and how you will atone. 

Please walk around in his shoes. You chose your husband as the default person. If this OM were not a jerk would you have broken it off? I am not try to heap more on you than you already have. You made the statement so glibly. I don't think you realize yet what you have done to your husband. It is important that you know the full scope of what he is dealing with. You can't walk in his shoes if you don't know what he sees. 

Ask your self how you would feel if he were unfaithful to you and chose you by default. Then you see how difficult the road ahead will be for both of you but particularly him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm confused by your answers. In your last thread you and Gator said that you had stopped the PA a little while ago. Are you now saying it has continued recently, in fact on the OM wedding anniversary teo days before NC?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

In your last thread it seemed that you finally came clean about everything, yet this new thread makes it seem like there was more. Would you mind sharing the new information that was not on your last thread?


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

morituri said:


> In your last thread it seemed that you finally came clean about everything, yet this new thread makes it seem like there was more. Would you mind sharing the new information that was not on your last thread?


I have come clean since NC told H everything. I was being honest
with him about AF. I told H that I did speak to OM while at work. I have not spoken or seen OM since I broke contact,
which was the day he called work and I hung up on him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Have you started individual counseling yet?


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> I'm confused by your answers. In your last thread you and Gator said that you had stopped the PA a little while ago. Are you now saying it has continued recently, in fact on the OM wedding anniversary teo days before NC?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Absolutely not I would not do that to H, NEVER AGAIN!!' I called him 3 days before NC.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

saveourmarriage said:


> This was last week 3 days before I broke NC. It was his wedding
> anniversary . I know stupid. But I wanted H to know everything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does the OM's wife know about the affair?


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Have you started individual counseling yet?


I have been looking but want a marriage friendly. I realize that I lied to the therapists
because I was messed up with AF. Any advice is appreciated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

So long as you've "officially" maintained NC from the time you hung up on him, then I hope your husband can look past it and you to muster the strength to keep your family together. 

But what a scumbag the OM is, calling the OP on his wedding anniversary,yeesh! I think you should do the moral thing and tell his wife, he will never contact you again after that.


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Did you end the affair because the man was a jerk or did you chose your husband? If he is second best, I think you need to work on why and how you will atone.
> 
> Please walk around in his shoes. You chose your husband as the default person. If this OM were not a jerk would you have broken it off? I am not try to heap more on you than you already have. You made the statement so glibly. I don't think you realize yet what you have done to your husband. It is important that you know the full scope of what he is dealing with. You can't walk in his shoes if you don't know what he sees.
> 
> ...


In answer to your question I chose my H. He is amazing man.This person was a player . I take full ownership of what I have done
and am now suffering the consequences. This is in no comparison of what I have done to my H. I can't Even imagine being in his shoes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

Complexity said:


> So long as you've "officially" maintained NC from the time you hung up on him, then I hope your husband can look past it and you to muster the strength to keep your family together.
> 
> But what a scumbag the OM is, calling the OP on his wedding anniversary,yeesh! I think you should do the moral thing and tell his wife, he will never contact you again after that.


You have it wrong I am the scumbag I contacted the OM. I have had NC since that time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

saveourmarriage said:


> I have been looking but want a marriage friendly. I realize that I lied to the therapists
> because I was messed up with AF. Any advice is appreciated.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Its a role of the dice. You just have to research them, and try them out. You may have to go through two or three flakes before you find a counselor who is pro marriage and who will hold your feet to the fire and hold you accountable for your actions -- not letting you rugsweep.

Go to several sessions of IC first, before MC. You need to get your head on straight before doing joint counseling with your husband. Encourage him to seek a good counelor who is knowledgable about trauma and PTSD. What your husband has gone through has hit him with the same emotional trauma that a soldier who has been in bloody firefights goes through. 

You have inflicted a tremendous amount of emotional and psychological trauma on your husband, and he needs professional help to get through to the other side.


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Its a role of the dice. You just have to research them, and try them out. You may have to go through two or three flakes before you find a counselor who is pro marriage and who will hold your feet to the fire and hold you accountable for your actions -- not letting you rugsweep.
> 
> Go to several sessions of IC first, before MC. You need to get your head on straight before doing joint counseling with your husband. Encourage him to seek a good counelor who is knowledgable about trauma and PTSD. What your husband has gone through has hit him with the same emotional trauma that a soldier who has been in bloody firefights goes through.
> 
> You have inflicted a tremendous amount of emotional and psychological trauma on your husband, and he needs professional help to get through to the other side.


All was going well last night until I started confessing . I felt that I could open up and stop lying and that is what I did. My therapist before talked about
D, but since I was in the fog I was not seeing clarity. I will go through IC and then H wants to go once he is starting to feel safe. I don't blame him I have completely destroyed him and I feel awful of what I have done to him. But he is the center of my universe and we will get through this together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Here's a suggestion. Before you start individual counseling, you need to ask the counselor some tough questions such as "What is your opinion on infidelity, especially female infidelity. Do you believe that the betrayed husband is responsible for his wife having an affair?" If he/she answers in any way affirmatively, then you know right then and there that the counselor is a bad one but if he/she answers negatively and says that each one of us is responsible for the actions we choose to take, then you got yourself a good counselor who will make you own your sh!t.


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

morituri said:


> Here's a suggestion. Before you start individual counseling, you need to ask the counselor some tough questions such as "What is your opinion on infidelity, especially female infidelity. Do you believe that the betrayed husband is responsible for his wife having an affair?" If he/she answers in any way affirmatively, then you know right then and there that the counselor is a bad one but if he/she answers negatively and says that each one of us is responsible for the actions we choose to take, then you got yourself a good counselor who will make you own your sh!t.


Thank you that is a start. I appreciate your advice on this. I really do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

saveourmarriage said:


> I realize that I lied to the therapists
> because I was messed up with AF. Any advice is appreciated.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just want to stress honesty.With your H,your therapists,yourself and just in your life in general.Your life will become so less complicated and happier.I'm happy to see you've made a good start.


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

TBT said:


> Just want to stress honesty.With your H,your therapists,yourself and just in your life in general.Your life will become so less complicated and happier.I'm happy to see you've made a good start.


I just hope that it is not too late .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

saveourmarriage said:


> I just hope that it is not too late .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It might be, but you need to do IC for yourself, to understand what it was that led you down this path and why your boundaries were non-existant.... And it had nothing to do with your husband or what he was or was not doing for you. 

If you don't get to IC and figure this out you will doom yourself to making the same mistake again down the road, either with your husband or a future partner.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

saveourmarriage said:


> I just hope that it is not too late .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If there aren't any more revelations it won't be, just remember, your husband forgave you and was loving to you after your first d-day but you keep crushing him every time something new comes up, there's so much a person can take, it just gets cruel after a while. Make sure you're an open book from now on.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> It might be, but you need to do IC for yourself, to understand what it was that led you down this path and why your boundaries were non-existant.... And it had nothing to do with your husband or what he was or was not doing for you.
> 
> If you don't get to IC and figure this out you will doom yourself to making the same mistake again down the road, either with your husband or a future partner.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Remember Bandit though, just because a person has cheated in their past, doesn't necessarily mean that they will do it again. It's not about a loss of control over oneself, It's about the person's internal happiness at the time of the affair, the situation of the marriage, the lack of communication between the couple etc. I did some indiv. counseling and learned quite a bit about myself, but mostly I learned that I was in a difficult marriage for many years that I didn't even realize, of course I made a horrible decision, but my affair was what is called a "time bomb affair", I was at the point where change needed to take place, and eventually it did, not the way I wanted necessarily.


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

Complexity said:


> If there aren't any more revelations it won't be, just remember, your husband forgave you and was loving to you after your first d-day but you keep crushing him every time something new comes up, there's so much a person can take, it just gets cruel after a while. Make sure you're an open book from now on.


Absolutely he will know everything. Thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Saveourmarriage, your husband has a lot to deal with, a lot of lies. Remember, it's not necessarily the actual act of cheating that destroys one's partner, it's the lie upon lie. My ex was destroyed my my lies, and mostly I didn't want to hurt him with details, but in the end I ended up hurting him more.

Think about ways to demonstrate your remorse, this was tough for me...don't just say things, demonstrate by actions, find out his love language. If you want it to work, it can, but it's a lot of effort even in the most solid marriages.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

saveourmarriage said:


> Absolutely he will know everything. Thank you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good. Wish my wife would say that sometime. 

But wouldn't it be better for a wife to say - "There won't be anything like this for me to hide or him to know".


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

working_together said:


> Remember Bandit though, just because a person has cheated in their past, doesn't necessarily mean that they will do it again. It's not about a loss of control over oneself, It's about the person's internal happiness at the time of the affair, the situation of the marriage, the lack of communication between the couple etc. ..............


Hog wash! It *is* about control of one's self and boundaries. Typical justification speak! I don't care how unhappy you are or how bad the situation is. The decision to cheat is just that: a decision and the choice to cheat over any other alternative action is a failure to control.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

saveourmarriage said:


> I confessed to H about the entire AF. I told him everything I was open and honest and remorseful. I have had NC at all with OM. However two days before NC I contacted him.I told my H today and said it was a hard blow to take. I was open and honest with H ,isn't that what I am supposed to do. I did it I told him, even if it will cost me everything! I know I will get bashing for this one.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good luck!! Too late now, but I wouldn't have wanted to know. If my wife was having a affair and truly wanted out of it, then felt guilty and told me, well that would suck.

I would much rather have her quit the affair, knew there were no STD's etc, go to counseling if need be, and let me live in my blissful utopia.

Principle isn't always better than reality........and in my experience reality says it's better not to know!!


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

saveourmarriage,

Your posts in the other thread are a jumbled mess - very hard to understand. Same in this one.

Your posts don't make sense. For example, you say things like you haven't broken no contact since you've had no contact. A few posts later you say you contacted the other man on his anniversary. Kind of like me saying that I've been on a diet since breakfast and I can't wait for lunch.

This is what I come up with when looking at your posts:

1. Other man contacted you at your job last week, you hung up on him immediately, and cleaned out your locker and left your job for good that day. You maintained no contact for several days until ...

2. A few days ago was the other man's anniversary and you contacted him,(which I remember from your last thread was a day the other man contacted you last year and you were so flattered that you decided to have an affair with him).

3. Last night you told your husband about breaking no contact a few days ago and some other things that you haven't yet posted here.

saveourmarriage, I can tell from the way you are posting that you still are in the affair. I hope I am wrong, but the way I judge whether I am getting the truth is by whether or not the story makes any sense, and your story does not really make sense. It's all jumbled up and follows no coherent logical storyline. 

It's amazing to me how cheaters are such good liars when they have to lie to fool their spouses during the affair, then they turn into such horrible liars after they are caught and have to try to lie about ending the affair. The reason most betrayed spouses are fooled is because they engage in denial and wishful thinking, and want to believe their spouse even though it sounds like a lie.

You are an intelligent woman, a nurse for many years, who was able to hide your affair from your husband for 3-4 months before the first D-day and continued lying and hiding successfully until just last week (supposedly).

You know your husband posts here and monitors what you are posting. You just are posting the same jumbled nonsense here that is the cause of his pain in real life. He wants to believe you, but he cannot, because your story makes no more sense to your husband than it does to me and probably most other people out here in cyberspace who are reading it and shaking their heads.

When your story makes more sense, your husband will start to believe it. A little tip: If you tell your husband the truth, it will make sense to him. If you continue to lie to him, he will be getting the jumbled mess like you are posting here and he will have a hard time believing it. 

You were able to fool him after D-day 1 and D-day 2 because he was in denial and wanted to believe you. He is past that now and you will really have to tell the truth to avoid divorce now.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

KanDo said:


> Hog wash! It *is* about control of one's self and boundaries. Typical justification speak! I don't care how unhappy you are or how bad the situation is. The decision to cheat is just that: a decision and the choice to cheat over any other alternative action is a failure to control.


And that's what I said....I made a bad decision. I was just saying that it's not about the person not being in control, cheaters do make the rational choice to cheat. I don't deny what people say against cheaters. What irks me is that cheaters seem to be painted out as serial cheaters, bad parents, abusive ...etc. 

I don't justify what I did, I only say some of the reasons that made it easier to do it.

Anyway, It's not my thread...sorry if I high jacked it.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Well, if you cheated, then , of course you acted abusively. And, you also potentially damaged your family and thus your children. This calls into question your parenting.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> Well, if you cheated, then , of course you acted abusively. And, you also potentially damaged your family and thus your children. This calls into question your parenting.


Read her threads. Her husband was verbally and psychologically abusive also. Their marriage was a disaster. Not saying what she did was justified, but Working's affair was a symptom of a deeply troubled relationship with her ex.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Read her threads. Her husband was verbally and psychologically abusive also. Their marriage was a disaster. Not saying what she did was justified, but Working's affair was a symptom of a deeply troubled relationship with her ex.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Working_together has never tried to justify her bad choice of cheating on her stbxh. Her husband who supposedly wanted R with working_together, started a PA with a girl (he still married) before he informed working_together that he no longer wanted to R anymore, yet he was still hitting on working_together for sex. She has more than owned up to her bad choice to have an affair.


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Does the OM's wife know about the affair?
> 
> 
> [My H sent her an email and told her about the affair/QUOTE]


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> saveourmarriage,
> 
> 
> Your posts don't make sense. For example, you say things like you haven't broken no contact since you've had no contact. A few posts later you say you contacted the other man on his anniversary. Kind of like me saying that I've been on a diet since breakfast and I can't wait for lunch.
> ...


The only person that I answer to is my H. He knows that I have confessed everything from Day 1. Now we are moving forward, and I am working extremely hard for this marrigage to work. I appreciate your constructive criticism. I will be more clear. My husbands D-Day was 5/19 I spoke with OM on 5/25 his wedding anniversary. Called me at work on 5/28, my wedding anniversary and I hung up the phone on him. Quit my job and have had NC with him since that time., the AF is OVER finished, done... Got it???


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

DXG said:


> still not clear. would you still be with om if he turned out to be somewhat of a nice guy?


The answer is NO, if he was a nice guy he would not be having an AF with a married woman.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Quotes with no replies? :scratchhead:


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## skip76 (Aug 30, 2011)

saveourmarriage said:


> All was going well last night until I started confessing . I felt that I could open up and stop lying and that is what I did. My therapist before talked about
> D, but since I was in the fog I was not seeing clarity. I will go through IC and then H wants to go once he is starting to feel safe. I don't blame him I have completely destroyed him and I feel awful of what I have done to him. But he is the center of my universe and we will get through this together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




How do you not see how this is counterproductive. Words are meaningless, that is why when you make stupid comments like, he is the center of my universe it actually makes things worse not better. No he is not the center of your universe, you were allowing some "jerk" have sex with his wife repeatedly for a year. Kepp those crappy comments to yourself, he will not buy them and will only confuse or push away. earn your penance through patience and actions. Think about it from his viewpoint, you just had a year of sex with some badboy, now you get your husband back too, what does your husband get out of this, you?


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## skip76 (Aug 30, 2011)

KanDo said:


> Hog wash! It *is* about control of one's self and boundaries. Typical justification speak! I don't care how unhappy you are or how bad the situation is. The decision to cheat is just that: a decision and the choice to cheat over any other alternative action is a failure to control.


come on , i mean they even gave her affair a name now, a time bomb affair. it must be legit.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

morituri said:


> Quotes with no replies? :scratchhead:


Replies in the quotes.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

TBT said:


> Replies in the quotes.


Thanks TBT. Experienced a senior moment there


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

You did the right thing confession that last breach of NC before the hung up call. NC forever, mo more lies (by omision) forever.
I'm pulling for you. You can do this.


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

Acabado said:


> You did the right thing confession that last breach of NC before the hung up call. NC forever, mo more lies (by omision) forever.
> I'm pulling for you. You can do this.


Thank you that means a lot to me. I have already read " How To Heal Your Spouse From Your Afair" and I am continuing to read more and still looking for a IC.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

He is deeply hurt from all this and is still home with me, we are in the process of R. We talk about everything especially at night. I am there for him by being open,honest,transparent and answering any questions that he may have of the AF.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

SOM,

I'm the betrayed spouse, my wife serially cheated on me for years. She was caught, she would of gone to the grave with her betrayal.

While your choice to cheat was horrible...you did what my counselor refers to as "Do the Next Right Thing". You confessed. Very Good. By confessing you are risking the very thing that you willing threw away. That concept is confusing at best, but as a BS I get it, it will not be lost on your husband either. That small nugget of honesty, may be the very thing that holds your shattered marriage tight enough to heal. Press on.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Best of luck saveourmarriage, I'm praying you make it through this with your husband. 

I hope you now realize that men that mess around with married women are nothing but scum and you have a person that's taken care of you for 20+ years and still willing to be there with you. Never take him for granted again.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

It takes a huge amount of courage to come on this board and take a lashing from this herd of very jaundiced and scarred BSes. 

As much as I loathe what you did to your husband, I respect you for coming here and admitting the wrongfulness of what you did and your determination to heal your marriage.


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> It takes a huge amount of courage to come on this board and take a lashing from this herd of very jaundiced and scarred BSes.
> 
> As much as I loathe what you did to your husband, I respect you for coming here and admitting the wrongfulness of what you did and your determination to heal your marriage.


I came on this thread for help and that is what I received. Even though I was being bashed by others, I learned a lot here. I cannot thank you enough for telling me like it is and facing the reality of what I have done and helping me come clean.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

Complexity said:


> Best of luck saveourmarriage, I'm praying you make it through this with your husband.
> 
> I hope you now realize that men that mess around with married women are nothing but scum and you have a person that's taken care of you for 20+ years and still willing to be there with you. Never take him for granted again.


I completely do and take full ownership.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## saveourmarriage (May 23, 2012)

RWB said:


> SOM,
> 
> I'm the betrayed spouse, my wife serially cheated on me for years. She was caught, she would of gone to the grave with her betrayal.
> 
> While your choice to cheat was horrible...you did what my counselor refers to as "Do the Next Right Thing". You confessed. Very Good. By confessing you are risking the very thing that you willing threw away. That concept is confusing at best, but as a BS I get it, it will not be lost on your husband either. That small nugget of honesty, may be the very thing that holds your shattered marriage tight enough to heal. Press on.


Yes, I confessed not having any idea what my H would do. I put it all on the line, and I am glad that I did.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

working_together said:


> Remember Bandit though, just because a person has cheated in their past, doesn't necessarily mean that they will do it again. It's not about a loss of control over oneself, It's about the person's internal happiness at the time of the affair, the situation of the marriage, the lack of communication between the couple etc. I did some indiv. counseling and learned quite a bit about myself, but mostly I learned that I was in a difficult marriage for many years that I didn't even realize, of course I made a horrible decision, but my affair was what is called a "time bomb affair", I was at the point where change needed to take place, and eventually it did, not the way I wanted necessarily.


More bullcrap excuses, WT.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> Working_together has never tried to justify her bad choice of cheating on her stbxh. Her husband who supposedly wanted R with working_together, started a PA with a girl (he still married) before he informed working_together that he no longer wanted to R anymore, yet he was still hitting on working_together for sex. She has more than owned up to her bad choice to have an affair.


Seriously, Mori? I read her threads, too, and she was completely passive-agressive. The first thing she would say was that there was no excuse for her behavior, then........ she would begin making excuses for her behavior. You actually believed her performance? Sorry for the T/J.


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