# He seems happier w/o me...



## Lanilla (Jan 20, 2012)

3 weeks of seperation, and everyday seems to be different... Sometimes, I'm happy he's gone (when I think of all I've been through and the little respect he's shown for me) and sometimes I miss him like crazy(when I think of all the good times)... This seperation thing is the pits... I'm not sure he's coming back... He says, "I've already made a decision, I want a divorce... but I'll compromise and seperate to see if my mind will change, here's the ring..." What do I think? I think he's moving on... saying he'll seperate to ease the divorce papers in there... He tells me he thinks about me... DON'T TELL ME THAT CAUSE YOU'RE NOT HERE! Ugh... feeling mopey...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Honestly, it sounds like he just doesn't have the balls to officially end it. Depending on why the separation occured, it wouldn't be a surprise to me to hear he's seeing someone else, although there's nothing in your note to say that's the case. 

You should work on moving on without him. The 180 is a good starting place. Even if you don't feel like it, start acting like your separated life is good, and you're enjoying yourself. Eventually, that becomes your new reality. Keep in mind that it's not being done to change HIS mind, but to help you in building your new reality.

C


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## kenn (Dec 20, 2011)

I would recomment you read "John Gray" Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, "Starting over". It helped me alot in my first divorce, and I'm now re-reading it again now going through my 2nd (looks liKE) divorce. I was married 23 years the first time and had three kids, and I'd swear this time is even harder (9 years and no kids). I'm having a real hard time with it this time. Been separated for over 3 months now and kept having hope until today when she text me and said that if I needed to say anything, to write it down and mail it to her and she would send it to her attorney. I text her last nite and wanted to know if we could talk, I had a real bad day yesterday handling this all. But you'll have days and weeks like this and I hate it.


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

Lanilla, I feel you on this one...I believe my wife was over me before she said she wanted a separation...she told me she wanted a divorce, but then went about things, without filing...

She seems happy every time i hear anything from/about her...and miserable when she talks about us/me....she seems to be concerned about feeling GUILTY...but i think she feels nothing more than guilt for what she's doing and how shes doing it, to another human being (especially one she said she loved, and one that still loves her)

You're right though...this is the pits...it's an emotional roller-coaster and it's a nightmare


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## dontleave_2528 (Feb 1, 2012)

My husband an I have been seperated for 9 days and everyday feels like hell. I feel how you feel almost as if im a yoyo and keep going back and forth with my feelings. He tells me he needs tim to think but it seems like im the only one thinking and stressed out. Hes enjoying this seperation. Keep your spirits up. Just keep thinking of the good times.  There still may be hope. I was taught that marriage is forever. That is why im not giving up.


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## dontKnowMe (Jun 1, 2011)

Yes, he doesn't have the balls to end it. I know this because I'm in the same position that he is.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I don't know if having the "balls" to end a relationship suddenly is necessarily a good thing.

It would be concerning if someone was easily able to break it off with another person. It would imply they have little to no respect for others' feeling.


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

He's keeping you as a backup plan for now. If whatever he does doesn't work out, he'll come back. That's what he means when he said "I'll compromise and seperate to see if my mind will change." 

Because that's exactly what my wife is doing to me right now.


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## Lanilla (Jan 20, 2012)

You all are right.. I don't think he does have the balls to do it! I think he's waiting for me to end it, so that he can be the one in the end who said, "I told her I was separating to try and repair the relationship," or at least, this is what he 's telling me. He just told me yesterday, "We were about to hit the wall of divorce, but I had to do something before we got to that point and I didn't want to make the decision of divorce in such a tense, upset state. So I figured I'd separate from you so that my mind will clear and then I can make a sound decision. But, you know that right now, my decision is divorce..." He says he still loves me and has feelings for me, but the relationship his not on the forefront of his mind... 
This emotional rollercoaster is a ride that I wanna get off of... Because I know exactly how this is gonna go... I'm gonna get to a point where I feel better about myself and being alone and then, POOF! He'll be back again... I see it already... UGH!


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## dontKnowMe (Jun 1, 2011)

Yes, being concerned about someone's feelings is important but more likely than not he's made up his mind and is simply to scared (aka doesn't have the balls) to end it. It's more cruel to drag someone along. I doubt you are a backup plan. He has made up his mind. And yes, you are right, it'd be a HELL of a lot easier for him if YOU ended it. It would absolve him of a lot of guilt and make things much easier. I say these things as I am an ******* that isn't being 100% honest with my feelings to my (legal) wife.


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