# Husbands Kids



## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

I am with someone who has two grown kids. I have three grown kids. He is very close to his kids, almost too much. He is very needy. I can tell it gets on his daughter's nerves sometimes. 

I love my kids but we are not that close. We do not talk every day like he does with his kids.

I feel your kids should come first in this situation. If we were married for 30 years and had kids and they were grown and out of the house yes my husband then would come first.

But I have only known my husband for 5 years. If my son drowning and my husband next to him drowning I would reach for my son, mothers instinct I guess. Does this make me an awful wife?


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

face it, we are not talking about making a choice between 2 people drowning.

but.. I have to say.. your comment about 'only known my husband 5 years' gives me pause. Does it matter? Really?

You should be able to manage relationships with kids and a spouse without it becoming a contest of who has higher priority.

So - no. I dont feel that your kids should come first in 'this situation.' I feel that there isnt, or shouldnt be, such a choice being made. In what way are you making a choice?


----------



## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> face it, we are not talking about making a choice between 2 people drowning.
> 
> but.. I have to say.. your comment about 'only known my husband 5 years' gives me pause. Does it matter? Really?
> 
> ...


I am not making an choices per say. This is just something that I have thought about. 

You have to admit you have read over and over and heard over and over that your husband comes first. How can I enter this relationship and come before his kids that he has had and been with for 30 yrs. while I have only been in his life for 5?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

His children are grown. They have their own life.

You are the person who is with him every day and cares for him. It's the same for your children.

There is nothing wrong with him speaking to his children every day. My mom had 8 children. She spoke to every one of us every day that she could until the day she died. If your husband wants to speak to his children every day, more power to him.

And then the rest of the day he can talk to you. I just do not see a contest here.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

DiZ said:


> I am not making an choices per say. This is just something that I have thought about.
> 
> You have to admit you have read over and over and heard over and over that your husband comes first. How can I enter this relationship and come before his kids that he has had and been with for 30 yrs. while I have only been in his life for 5?


 You said yourself that he is needy (read: UNHEALTHY) and that his own daughter sees it. 

So why should you feel bad about expecting equal time and desire from him? What he bestows upon THEM is not something to emulate or enhance. Maybe you could help him realize a healthier standpoint with his own kids, by you standing up for yourself. Or are you too needy or insecure, too?


----------

