# Army wife cheated with Sailor



## Depressedjoe (Dec 22, 2013)

So I hacked into my wife's old Facebook account and found out that she secretly met and even took our daughters to meet her ex boyfriend when I flew her back to see her family. She even had an abortion from him (not sure the date on that 1)...now me and my wife are separated and her ex boyfriend is now sleeping with her sister I think... at least she went to visit him and there are a bunch of photos of them together. Right now I'm very jealous/upset I have 74 pages worth of messages from the 2 of them talking about meeting up and him flirting...so I'm an Army Captain and this guy is right now either seeing my kids or with her sister. I asked her sister to give me his number so I can talk to him but she refused. I really want to get this guy...like he knew I was deployed and was messing with my wife. Should I go to JAG with the messages and bring him up on charges..I guess I'm a loser since I wanted to get back with my wife prior to this since I had verbally abused her and cheated on her with a civilian in roughly the same time period but I'm just so mad about it. I would never take my daughters to meet a stranger and she is taking them in fact ...in one message she is disappointed that he didn't get to see them. Now I know he is down there with my wife and her family and I support my wife since we are separated but it angers me that he has pictures up of him and her sister and her brother all hanging out. What would you do? It's 74 pages worth of messages of them sneaking around seeing each other..her going to see his family...etc.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

To be honest, you've been given a taste of your own medicine, now you should just let it go. As for your ex, she just got screwed by her own sister, that should be satisfying for you. All he is right now is your kids aunt's boyfriend. Hardly a big deal. You're still their father, so set a better example than you have been and move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I was feeling bad for you till you said you had cheated on her too. Deal with it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

What goes around comes around.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

Think on this before you turn him into JAG. How would you feel if the spouse of the woman you were sleeping with (just assuming she was married) turned you in to your comander.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Depressedjoe (Dec 22, 2013)

This guy has destroyed my life..I asked my wife when the last time she talked to him and she refused to answer /laughed it off..said what's the big deal we are now separated. I'm so mad at this guy and hurt by her.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

what you did is wrong, but your actions are not related to his, he Works under the same JOB ethics and traditions as you, you should report him, if he did this with your wife he probbly see the women of deployed men as easy target and there is a possiiblity that your wife is not the first, and once he has his found just dump them.

He being part of of the same military traditions and praxis should know that what he did is an act of betrayal of the worst kind to a brother in arms, so yes report him and make him face consequences because again, the fact that you were a unfaithful prick has nothing to do with he being POSOM breaking the moral codes of the NAVY and disrespecting the marriage of fellow camarade.

just to be clear in something, if the the civilian you banged for any reason would have had a boyfriend or husband I will be giving him the same advice of burning you, but right now we are dealing with the POS that messed your marriage knewing that there were consequences and still thought that he were over the institutions he swore to serve.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

His other thread puts this one in better perspective:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/152473-wife-left-me-took-kids-help.html





Depressedjoe said:


> This guy has destroyed my life..I asked my wife when the last time she talked to him and she refused to answer /laughed it off..said what's the big deal we are now separated. I'm so mad at this guy and hurt by her.



This other guy didn't destroy your life all on his own... You're not innocent in this.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

EntirelyDifferent said:


> His other thread puts this one in better perspective:
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/152473-wife-left-me-took-kids-help.html
> 
> 
> ...


Agreed in the part that he is not innocent, but lets not confuse topics here, the fact that he cheated is unrelated to the fact that a Sailor who is bound to follow certain moral codes and conducts should not be messing with married women.

his actions regarding exposure should not change in base of him being faithful or not, *OM is not the force of destiny matching the score to teach him a lesson, OM is a POS who messed with a married woman knewing his husband was deployed and thinking that he could have his fun and then run, free of consequences.*

I get people here getting mad a Joe for being unfaithful, but we have to be objetive I bet that if he had been the perfect husband everybody will be pressuring him to report OM to his superiors.

Joe I encourage you to reaport this POS.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

It is hard to make any objective observations or suggestions given the confusing story this guy tells. His personal life sounds like one bad decision after another.


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## TrustIsGone (Nov 17, 2012)

I didn't bother reading the other thread that someone else had posted. I'm going through a divorce from my husband who is in the military. Our story isn't the same, but I can say that we have both been back and forth for a long time and neither of us have been happy in a long time. Maybe you should just consider this a loss and move toward a better you, then one day a marriage with love and respect. I wish you the best.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

Sorry to hear your wife cheated on you, Joe. I mean that. That being said, take this opportunity to cast a harsh and honest light on your own behaviour, see what it contributed to your marriage, and learn from it.

Use the pain which has now gone all around, and become a better man.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Depressedjoe said:


> This guy has destroyed my life..I asked my wife when the last time she talked to him and she refused to answer /laughed it off..said what's the big deal we are now separated. I'm so mad at this guy and hurt by her.


What this guy did sucks, big time, and he IS a pos. What your wife did/is doing, is also not cool. No questions there.

But, consider that you destroyed your wife's life, first.

All 3 of you have done things that affect one another. How you're feeling now is quite likely how your wife was feeling at one point, too, and you need to empathize with that. That doesn't mean forgive and forget (as she obviously didn't), but it does mean that you don't have much of a leg to stand on, unfortunately.

I don't agree that you should attempt to bring him up on charges, either. That'll just complicate matters, and create even more hostility between your ex and yourself. The principle behind it is sound, but the end result won't make things any better. If there were no kids involved, I'd probably say go for it, but only if you can handle the backlash it will result in. With kids in the picture, I wouldn't go that route, because it will affect them.

Best thing to do now, IMO, is to let it be. You guys are separated, headed to divorce I assume, and at some point in the future your kids will be introduced to other people that mommy and daddy are dating. Just make sure that yours is somebody who can be a good role model to your kids, unlike this guy. Who she dates going forward is her prerogative, not yours, and vice versa.

This is likely what you will be dealing with in the future, but so will she. Best thing to do is maintain a healthy relationship with her, so things go smoothly in the future.

Regardless, any woman who would share a man with her sister is not the type of woman most of us would want as a wife, anyway. I don't think you're losing much here.


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

I am sorry for the hurt and pain in your marriage - you may not like the answer I am going to give. Getting back at this guy will not solve one thing between you and your wife. The issue is between the two of you and that's where everything has to start. I work for a Marriage & Family Ministry and deal with hurting people every day. Your wife got involved with this guy because there was something lacking in your marriage - obvious since you also cheated on her "about the same time."

Honestly, it kind of sounds like you want to get him in trouble because he is in the military and you are offended that he messed with your wife while you were "deployed." I truly believe that if you invest that same energy into fixing yourself and your marriage there will be more satisfaction in your heart than seeing him get what he deserves. After all, you could be turned into a JAG for the same reasons that you want to have him turned in (cheating on your wife).

I believe that you probably have a Chaplain where you are stationed. Have you considered talking with him/her and getting their input? Humbling yourself and acknowledging your own failures can be a great place to start if you want to turn things around for your family. I've had to do it - my anger at the "other guy" was misplaced. I realized that if I had loved and respected my wife the way I should have, the other guy would not be in the picture. Humility and brokenness is where I would start. I am pulling for you!


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

I have to quote myself here again because people seems to think that karma send OM ot to joe's life



alexm said:


> What this guy did sucks, big time, and he IS a pos. What your wife did/is doing, is also not cool. No questions there.
> 
> But, consider that you destroyed your wife's life, first.





manticore said:


> his actions regarding exposure should not change in base of him being faithful or not, *OM is not the force of destiny matching the score to teach him a lesson, OM is a POS who messed with a married woman knewing his husband was deployed and thinking that he could have his fun and then run, free of consequences.*


doing what OM did is not justified under any circumstances, and he obviously is a POS giving the fact that now he is dating the sister of the married woman he banged, the lesson for he will be you can be a bastard and ruin marriages and still you can nail the other sister for the maximun thrill without consequences


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

WolverineFan said:


> I work for a Marriage & Family Ministry and deal with hurting people every day. Your wife got involved with this guy because there was something lacking in your marriage - obvious since you also cheated on her "about the same time."
> 
> I've had to do it - my anger at the "other guy" was misplaced. I realized that if I had loved and respected my wife the way I should have, the other guy would not be in the picture. !


sorry but this is simply a lie not every case of infidelity is becasue the BS lack in doing something or was not commited enough in their marriage.

that is old mentality that now day has proved wrong, and we have many examples here of good partners that got betrayed because their partners were selfish, self centered and bad people in general, you can not go saying that if you got betrayed is because you did something wrong in your marriage or you could have done more to not being betrayed.

if you are giving advices in the Ministry under these pretenses you are misleading people and doing more harm than good.

I suggest you to read "Tears" case she is a Wayward spouse she cheated and she acceted her husband didn'r deserve it he was a good provider, he loved her, they were emotionaly close, he always have attentions and bought presents for her but still she in a momento of selfinesh betrayed him 

she is remoreseful trying to win here now exhusband, I support her but I dont condene her actions, and nobody here thinks that her XH could have done more to not being betrayed (not even TEARS)

many peple is simply selfish and selfcentered, a bad marriage or realtionship is resposability of two persons, cheating is just resposability of the person who cheated.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I don't understand why this other dude is receiving more heat than you and your wife?

Sure, he's an assh0le, but you and your wife are much more responsible for this mess than he is. Sure, go and report him, but in terms of easing your pain, that's as effective as scratching your belly hoping for a relief from a headache.

You and your wife didn't love each other like you should have. End of story. You'll hopefully find someone better than her and she will find someone better than you. There is no 'fixing' this situation. 

BTW, for the record, I find your wife's actions more deserving of criticism than yours. She used your infidelity as an excuse to hurt quite a few people including her children. She will regret this in her later years.


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

"that is old mentality that now day has proved wrong, and we have many examples here of good partners that got betrayed because their partners were selfish, self centered and bad people in general, you can not go saying that if you got betrayed is because you did something wrong in your marriage or you could have done more to not being betrayed.

if you are giving advices in the Ministry under these pretenses you are misleading people and doing more harm than good."


Excuse me - if you had read the whole context you would have seen that I said there was obviously something lacking in the marriage BECAUSE he had cheated on his wife around the same time she had cheated on him. I never said that she did so necessarily because something was wrong in the marriage, but the fact that both of them have cheated on each other "roughly around the same time" indicates that this relationship has issues. Would appreciate it if you calmed down on the "this is a lie" kind of response when you did not read or, at least, did not comprehend the context of my quote.


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