# Buying Yourself Expensive Toys and Not Spending That Cash On Your Partner



## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

My Boyfriend wants to get a job, working with drones, and has already spent about $100-200 on 1 drone device, and says if he buys a more pricey-er one like $300+ he can do more things, making more money etc.

To me, I see it like this, he's blowing all of this money, on himself, when he could be using this money on and him and I, having us go on dates, spending time together etc.

But in return he rather spend the money on his drones, or his other hobby, those Magic The Gathering trading cards, going and playing with his friends, or hanging with his friends, buying them things, buying himself food, paying for gas for his vehicle, a van, which apparently costs $40-50 to fill up it's tank.

To me, I just feel neglected and alone, and hurt that he rather spend money on himself, and others, but not for us, or me. Because he says he needs to save his money, he wants a future, so he has to save, every penny he receives in terms of a check.

He was working as a security guard in training, but decided that wasn't smart enough, that he could really think things through, he wants and is in college to get a degree in psychology, and make that his career, as he's trying to get his masters or doctor's degree. 

I know rent in California isn't cheap for a house or an apartment, ranging anywhere from $1,200 and up. But saving straight away, how much do you plan to save up for really? If a house costs $450,000 you want to save up that much and be able to just buy that house right off the market, then what? You gota pay the month's rent and its bills, gas, electric, etc too.

I just don't see his view point on how he wants to save money and spending it his way. He says all that he is doing, he is investing his money. How is he investing it, he isn't playing the stock market here haha. In the end he says he's frustrated about a lot of things going on his life, for one, him and I not having sex, because I am not having sex until marriage, so he doesn't like having to wait, he says he wants that close-ness and bonding experience that comes with sex and being in a relationship with someone etc. I understand that, but he has to understand me wanting to wait until marriage. There are some people that want to get married and want to wait until marriage as well.

He's also getting frustrated over work, and pressure from his parents, siblings, and his friends etc. I am trying to be there for him, but he says I am not being supportive enough, not showing empathy, sympathy, not respecting him, and I should know how to respect him, to me I don't know what he means by respect, because respect can refer to a lot of different things.

So anyway I have all of this going on between him and I, and I am not so sure on what to do. What would you do if your partner went and spent money on themselves, and not on you, and you two didn't go out as much, only once a month, and then it went from once a month, to every 2 months, because they needed to save money and they were frustrated and this and that etc.

What would you do?


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Just as your body is yours and you may wait until marriage if you wish, you have to understand that his money is his to do with as he wishes.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Yeah.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> he says he wants that close-ness and bonding experience that comes with sex and being in a relationship with someone etc.


He wants sex because he likes the sex. He can still have closeness with you even without sex. 



nataly87 said:


> Magic The Gathering trading cards


I won't even ask what that is or why they cost more that $5 total for a year, but he has that as his priority over going out.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> My Boyfriend wants to get a job, working with drones, and has already spent about $100-200 on 1 drone device, and says if he buys a more pricey-er one like $300+ he can do more things, making more money etc.


If he wants to make money by filming from drones he's going to have to spend waaayyyyyy more than $100-$200 or even $300. To sell video it will have to be good, HD and stabilized and you don't get that with the cheap drones. Sorry for the bad news.



nataly87 said:


> To me, I see it like this, he's blowing all of this money, on himself, when he could be using this money on and him and I, having us go on dates, spending time together etc.


What about your money? Why does all of his have to go on dates, you're not married yet so how much of yours goes on the two of you?



nataly87 said:


> But in return he rather spend the money on his drones, or his other hobby, those Magic The Gathering trading cards, going and playing with his friends, or hanging with his friends, buying them things, buying himself food, paying for gas for his vehicle, a van, which apparently costs $40-50 to fill up it's tank.


Since you're boyfriend and girlfriend he is free to spend his money however he chooses even if it is on selfish things like food and gas to get to work and earn his money.



nataly87 said:


> To me, I just feel neglected and alone, and hurt that he rather spend money on himself, and others, but not for us, or me. Because he says he needs to save his money, he wants a future, so he has to save, every penny he receives in terms of a check.


You're upset that he wants to save? 



nataly87 said:


> He was working as a security guard in training, but decided that wasn't smart enough, that he could really think things through, he wants and is in college to get a degree in psychology, and make that his career, as he's trying to get his masters or doctor's degree.


From security guard in training to a Masters or Doctorate? Wow, that's a pretty big change in objectives there. Is that reasonable?



nataly87 said:


> I know rent in California isn't cheap for a house or an apartment, ranging anywhere from $1,200 and up. But saving straight away, how much do you plan to save up for really? If a house costs $450,000 you want to save up that much and be able to just buy that house right off the market, then what? You gota pay the month's rent and its bills, gas, electric, etc too.


No you don't need to save the whole lot, but you do need to save for the deposit and moving expenses and then have some aside for house maintenance or repairs. I think $450,000 ($22,500 down and $422,500 mortgage) for a security guard in training might be a little unrealistic.



nataly87 said:


> In the end he says he's frustrated about a lot of things going on his life, for one, him and I not having sex, because I am not having sex until marriage, so he doesn't like having to wait, he says he wants that close-ness and bonding experience that comes with sex and being in a relationship with someone etc. I understand that, but he has to understand me wanting to wait until marriage. There are some people that want to get married and want to wait until marriage as well.


Just as you have every right to wait until marriage he has every right not to want to, and to leave you over it if he so desires. That doesn't make him selfish or only after one thing.



nataly87 said:


> So anyway I have all of this going on between him and I, and I am not so sure on what to do. What would you do if your partner went and spent money on themselves, and not on you, and you two didn't go out as much, only once a month, and then it went from once a month, to every 2 months, because they needed to save money and they were frustrated and this and that etc.
> 
> What would you do?


You sound extremely young and it doesn't seem that the two of you are on the same page, or even in the same book, in regards to future plans, wants and needs. You need to have a really good discussion about the future and if you have one together.

The idea of buying a drone to make money isn't necessarily a bad one, he may have bought the cheap ones while he is learning to operate one rather than buy a $1500+ one and crash it after a couple of minutes, but if that is his objective then he needs some sort of a plan forwards.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

I just want him and I to go out on dates again, go out to the movies and dinner, or go to a theme part, all my friends and their partners get to go to Disneyland, Universal Studios, and other adventures, and I get to stay at home. I don't want to be at home, and then have to wait 1-3 months to see my Boyfriend, while everyone else around him gets to see him, thats not fair or right, I don't think. I have offered to pay for our outings, his gas and he doesn't want me to pay, he doesn't think thats right, he should pay he's the man, but yet he won't pay for us to hang out and rather save and us hang out when he is good and ready.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Since he is only a boyfriend and if you are not living together, then you really have no say in what he spends his money on.

It's probably time to find a boyfriend that will give you the attention you want and need.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

I am trying to get my Boyfriend to talk to me right now, but he isn't replying to my text messages or phone calls.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

You sound VERY young. You're not married to this guy. He is allowed to spend money on whatever he wants. He has no obligation to spend this money on you. Do you work? Do you spend money on dates? If not, it's time to get a job and pay for your own ticket to Disney. That is the way the world works. 

You say you have to wait 1-3 months to see him, why?

Stop texting him. He will text you when he wants to talk to you. You decide if that's good enough for you. If it's not (and it sounds like it's not) you can't force him to change. You will just need to break it off with him and find someone else more suitable for you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

A degree in Psychology, huh? Unless, he gets a doctorate that bachelor's will be worthless.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

staarz21 said:


> You sound VERY young. You're not married to this guy. He is allowed to spend money on whatever he wants. He has no obligation to spend this money on you. Do you work? Do you spend money on dates? If not, it's time to get a job and pay for your own ticket to Disney. That is the way the world works.
> 
> You say you have to wait 1-3 months to see him, why?
> 
> Stop texting him. He will text you when he wants to talk to you. You decide if that's good enough for you. If it's not (and it sounds like it's not) you can't force him to change. You will just need to break it off with him and find someone else more suitable for you.


Him and I are both 28 years old, living at home, his jobs come and go, and he is in school as I said. I know he is allowed to spend his money however he wants, I just dislike that him and I don't hang out that much. We went from the very beginning of our relationship to hanging out once a week every week to it being now, of us only hanging out once a month, or twice a month, and I know it will end up being, we hung out once this month and probably won't hang out again until June or July of this year.

To me that hurts, I feel neglected and alone. I want us to go out like normal couples do, like we us to do at the start of the relationship etc. But thats all died down and it sucks. I don't work, been applying to places, I have money saved and can spend it on our dates, but he wants to pay for everything, and he wants to save money than spend it and us go out together.

I have money to buy my tickets to Disneyland, but he says he has to save for this and that and blah blah blah.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> Him and I are both 28 years old, living at home, his jobs come and go, and he is in school as I said. I know he is allowed to spend his money however he wants, I just dislike that him and I don't hang out that much. We went from the very beginning of our relationship to hanging out once a week every week to it being now, of us only hanging out once a month, or twice a month, and I know it will end up being, we hung out once this month and probably won't hang out again until June or July of this year.
> 
> To me that hurts, I feel neglected and alone. I want us to go out like normal couples do, like we us to do at the start of the relationship etc. But thats all died down and it sucks. I don't work, been applying to places, I have money saved and can spend it on our dates, but he wants to pay for everything, and he wants to save money than spend it and us go out together.
> 
> I have money to buy my tickets to Disneyland, but he says he has to save for this and that and blah blah blah.


28 years old ??? Really?


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

staarz21 said:


> 28 years old ??? Really?


Yes we are.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Maturity-wise, you and your boyfriend are about ten years behind the curve. Concentrate on getting a job and getting out of your parents' house. It's time to grow up.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> Yes we are.


Sorry, that's just...amazing to me. You guys seem way immature. Honestly, I was thinking you were still a teenager. 

Look, life isn't about trips and vacations. You have to work if you want something. If your bf doesn't want to go to these places, and you do, why don't YOU go? Why do you need him to go with you? 

This guy obviously doesn't want to make the effort to see you and he is doing his own thing. There is nothing wrong with that. It just means that YOU need to go find someone else...and don't expect that next someone else to take you on trips all of the time. If you're 28 and hoping that you're going to get to take a bunch of trips each year, but not fund them yourself - you have the wrong expectations in life. 

Just prioritize things.

1. Get rid of Bf. If he wanted to see/talk to you, he would. 
2. Get a job. That's really important.
3. Move out of parents home. Also important. Independence is something that helps mature people.
4. Start dating again. This is fun! 
5. Go on trips with new date. This is fun!

Hard work first, then fun.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You don't find many 28 year old virgins.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> We went from the very beginning of our relationship to hanging out once a week every week to it being now, of us only hanging out once a month, or twice a month, and I know it will end up being, we hung out once this month and probably won't hang out again until June or July of this year.


Doesn't sound like you have a boyfriend. You guys aren't sexually active...with each other....and you only see each other once every couple of months. Seems like you have a friend that you hang out with once in a while and for some reason obsess over what he spends his money on.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

28 year old virgin who can't figure out why her boyfriend only wants to hang out once a month and won't spend money on her.....

I'll bet it's hard to hold the interest of a 20 something man with just your winning personality.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

You are not living together, so his money is his.

To those who say move out, I live in California, I know how expensive housing is. Living in CA and not having a decent salary eliminates the possibility of living alone! 

I sounds as if your boyfriend is already seeing someone else. Are you two still together? Have you communicated your frustrations with him? You cannot control his money, or what he likes to do, perhaps it is time to see someone else.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
people are what they are not what we want them to be. Early in dating, I think that if someone isn't acting the way you like, its time to find someone else.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> A degree in Psychology, huh? Unless, he gets a doctorate that bachelor's will be worthless.


Lolz  but true.

Depends on specialization, outside the major coursework and experience, and as my story proved, raw dumb luck.


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## Kraquin (May 6, 2016)

nataly87 said:


> What would you do if your partner went and spent money on themselves, and not on you, and you two didn't go out as much, only once a month, and then it went from once a month, to every 2 months, because they needed to save money and they were frustrated and this and that etc.
> 
> What would you do?


He's your boyfriend, not your husband. He has no obligation to spend any money on you or for the two of you. 

What you are seeing out of him and his behavior are most likely symptoms of a sexless relationship. When I was his age it was normal for my wife and me to have sex 3 times a day. Heck I'd even wake her up in the middle of the night. Don't wonder why he doesn't want to spend any time or money on you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you see him only once every 3 months, he is not your boyfriend. He's a guy who takes you on dates once in a while.

You have zero say in how he spends his money and his time since you are hardly dating at all.

He's still in college.. how many of his degrees has he finished yet? Does he have his Bachelor's yet?


This guy is also not relationship material at this time.

Accept that he is exactly what he is showing you. That's reality. So accept reality. He's not what you want in a boyfriend, much less in a husband. Move on.

Start looking out for yourself. Get busy. What are you doing to improve your life? What are you doing to improve your ability to earn enough to support yourself?


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

He's not your boyfriend. He's a guy who's keeping you on the back burner until he finds a chick who'll give him sex. Unless he already did. Saving money should have nothing to do with how often you see each other. There is plenty to do together that's free or is very low cost.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I don't understand why you are hung up on this guy. You barely see each other, you don't have the kind of relationship you want - not even close - and you completely disagree on the role of sex in your relationship.

Do you have girlfriends? Go hang out with them and ask them to introduce you to their single friends. Get involved in some hobbies that you enjoy - that's where you will meet guys who like the same things you do, whether that is music and bands and concerts, or a running club or something at your church.

Basically, get out and meet some people so you can meet someone who is better suited to you and who will actually be your boyfriend.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

norajane said:


> I don't understand why you are hung up on this guy. You barely see each other, you don't have the kind of relationship you want - not even close - and you completely disagree on the role of sex in your relationship.
> 
> Do you have girlfriends? Go hang out with them and ask them to introduce you to their single friends. Get involved in some hobbies that you enjoy - that's where you will meet guys who like the same things you do, whether that is music and bands and concerts, or a running club or something at your church.
> 
> Basically, get out and meet some people so you can meet someone who is better suited to you and who will actually be your boyfriend.


So your saying cheat on him? Ha I am not a cheater. I just want him and I to hang out more and see each other more often but he won't do that, because he wants to save his money.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> So your saying cheat on him? Ha I am not a cheater. I just want him and I to hang out more and see each other more often but he won't do that, because he wants to save his money.


I'm saying find an actual boyfriend. This guy is not your boyfriend. But if you think he is, go ahead and dump him first.

If that's what what you gleaned from my post, then I'm wondering how old you actually are. Not 28.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

This you can not deny: he likes his money more than you. The next test will be for you to see that you don't have a boyfriend - hell, you can't even get a date with him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> So your saying cheat on him? Ha I am not a cheater.


No one suggested cheating. What people are saying is that you do not have a boyfriend. He is a guy who keeps you on a string because you are chasing him.. so why does he need to do anything? I would not be surprised to find out that he's been dating other women to get the sex that he wants. That's how these things work.



nataly87 said:


> I just want him and I to hang out more and see each other more often but he won't do that, because he wants to save his money.


It does not matter to him what you want. If he wanted to spend more time with you, he would spend more time with you. If he wanted to spend money on you, he would spend money on he. He's doing exactly what he wants. Since it's his right to do exactly what he wants, you need to back off of him. Leave him alone.

Here is a video that will explain it to you. What you are doing is chasing him away. How do I know? Well you told us .. because he's not spending much time with you.... even when you offer to pay. You need to develop some pride and self love. It's demeaning for you to be begging him to spend time with you and money on you.

Do what this video says to do....


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=669II2eDQMg&feature=youtu.be


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> No one suggested cheating. What people are saying is that you do not have a boyfriend. He is a guy who keeps you on a string because you are chasing him.. so why does he need to do anything? I would not be surprised to find out that he's been dating other women to get the sex that he wants. That's how these things work.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


So you think leaving him alone, but staying in the relationship, will cause him to want to chase me and go out with me more often? His mind set right now is that he wants to focus on himself, finish school, work, etc. But he wants us to have a future together, and he doesn't want us to break up and wants us together.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Who cares what he wants, he is not giving you what you want.

I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time to believe that a 28 yr old woman could be this naive, not to be rude at all but you seem more like a 16 year old. 

What does this guy give you that makes you want to cling to nothing?


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

There are people in long distance relationships even out of state or country and those relationships last and work, so how come those can work, and mine being in the same state, just 40-50 miles a part can't work? I am 28 and so he is, also 28. I like this guy because he doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, wants marriage and doesn't have or want kids. Thats the type of guy I am looking for, because finding a guy like that in today's day and age is difficult and rare.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> You don't find many 28 year old virgins.


Sounds like somebody's been looking...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> So you think leaving him alone, but staying in the relationship, will cause him to want to chase me and go out with me more often? His mind set right now is that he wants to focus on himself, finish school, work, etc. But he wants us to have a future together, and he doesn't want us to break up and wants us together.


Did you even watch the video?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> There are people in long distance relationships even out of state or country and those relationships last and work, so how come those can work, and mine being in the same state, just 40-50 miles a part can't work?


Actually, most long distance relationships do not work. Those that do work might work while the couple lives apart, but once they move to the same location and even start living together, the relationship falls apart. Been there, done that.

The ones that do work out, work out because both parties are giving the other what they need. They are putting in extraordinary effort to meet the other's emotional needs.

Your 'boyfriend' is not doing much of anything to meet your emotional needs... that's why you are here complaining and unhappy.




nataly87 said:


> I am 28 and so he is, also 28. I like this guy because he doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, wants marriage and doesn't have or want kids. Thats the type of guy I am looking for, because finding a guy like that in today's day and age is difficult and rare.


Na, there are a lot of good guys out there with those qualities. You just need to put in the effort to find one that wants to meet your needs.

There are two books that I think will help you to realize what is needed in a relationship. You should read them long before you marry so that you can do some maturing. 

"His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters"


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

It doesn't matter if he has a majority of the qualities you want if he's only in your life once a month.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Actually, most long distance relationships do not work. Those that do work might work while the couple lives apart, but once they move to the same location and even start living together, the relationship falls apart. Been there, done that.
> 
> The ones that do work out, work out because both parties are giving the other what they need. They are putting in extraordinary effort to meet the other's emotional needs.
> 
> ...


How does reading books really solve the problem?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Read the books and you will understand.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> How does reading books really solve the problem?


Yep, read the books and you will understand.

You clearly have no idea what a good relationship looks like. It's something that you need to learn. Then you will have a better idea of what is really going on and what you need to do.

Did you watch that video I posted a link to?


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Nataly, were you raised in American culture?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sounds like a dud to me. move on


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> A degree in Psychology, huh? Unless, he gets a doctorate that bachelor's will be worthless.


Unless he uses it to get into advertising.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> There are people in long distance relationships even out of state or country and those relationships last and work, so how come those can work, and mine being in the same state, just 40-50 miles a part can't work? I am 28 and so he is, also 28. I like this guy because he doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, wants marriage and doesn't have or want kids. Thats the type of guy I am looking for, because finding a guy like that in today's day and age is difficult and rare.


It is possible that he is not quite what he seems.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Yes I saw the video and I did not really understand it. And again I don't see how reading a book about relationships will really help my relationship. Did reading those books MAGICALLY make your relationships better and have you guys stay together forever and ever?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> Yes I saw the video and I did not really understand it.


Maybe you need to watch it several times.

The point of the video is that there is a pattern to how men behave when they start out in a relationship.

At first they are so in love and want to be around the woman a lot. Then after a few months they pull away.... much the way your bf is doing.

At this point, many women make the mistake of chasing after the guy... like you are doing. The woman will ask him to spend time with her. She will offer to pay for the dates... anything to get his attention and time. And the more she chases after him, the more he pulls away. Until eventually she loses him.

The best thing that a woman can do when a man pulls away is to not chase after him. Just get busy in her own life. 

Why? Because no man wants to be begged, guilted, and otherwise made to feel like some woman is clinging to him.

If you just leave all contact up to him, and you get busy living your life.... if he comes back then you will know that he is back because he wants to be with you.. not because you guilted and pressured him. And if he does not, then you lost nothing and are well on your way to opening up other doors of opportunity.

By the way, the same goes for women... if I was dating a guy and only saw him once ever few months.. and he started saying the thing that you said on this thread... that would be the end of our 'dating'. No one needs someone who is trying to guilt trip them.

Watch the video again. 



nataly87 said:


> And again I don't see how reading a book about relationships will really help my relationship. Did reading those books MAGICALLY make your relationships better and have you guys stay together forever and ever?


Are you aware that when people read books, they can learn from the books? It's true.. that's why we used books in education. And even when not in school, people learn a lot from books.

Does reading a book automatically fix a relationship or make a person smarter or teach someone how to better live their lives? NO.... it only helps if the person who is reading is actually interested in growing as a person.

The books I have suggested have helped thousands upon thousands of people improve their relationships. Why? Because the books teach people what they should do in a relationship and what they should expect in a relationship. They teach how to have a healthy relationship.

Now sometimes, even after reading the books a relationship will not grow better because it's a very broken relationship and it takes 2 people to fix it.

The very fact that you posted what you did here is a strong indicator that you are very naïve and unsure what your own needs are, what his needs are and what you can expect from a man in a relationship in the way of getting your needs met. The books will teach you this.

If you are just here to be mellow dramatic and complain/whine, then I'm sure that nothing will help you.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> How does reading books really solve the problem?


I am very familiar with the two books Elle suggested. Read them and see. Lord knows they would have solved a world of problems for me if I'd read them when I was your age.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingWife said:


> I am very familiar with the two books Elle suggested. Read them and see. Lord knows they would have solved a world of problems for me if I'd read them when I was your age.


I have to quote this for truth. Those books and a few more that I know of should be mandatory reading in high school and/or college.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Well he says, he's saving his money to buy himself a better and more expensive drone, so he can use the drone to invest in getting a job to fly the drone over property's to take video and photos and this will get him lots of money. To me, sorry but thats BS, I want him to take me out, and have us go out like a couple but he wants to save money for a drone! We rarely hang out as it is, and its like come on. I have offered to pay for his gas and our dates and he won't accept that either. I don't know what to do.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

nataly87 said:


> Well he says, he's saving his money to buy himself a better and more expensive drone, so he can use the drone to invest in getting a job to fly the drone over property's to take video and photos and this will get him lots of money. To me, sorry but thats BS, I want him to take me out, and have us go out like a couple but he wants to save money for a drone! We rarely hang out as it is, and its like come on. I have offered to pay for his gas and our dates and he won't accept that either. I don't know what to do.


Yes, you do, you're just not willing to do it. You are completely incompatible with this person and you're wasting your time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> Well he says, he's saving his money to buy himself a better and more expensive drone, so he can use the drone to invest in getting a job to fly the drone over property's to take video and photos and this will get him lots of money. To me, sorry but thats BS,


Why is it BS that he wants to save money to start a business? That's what people do.

I have a business. I had to save thousands of dollars and spend that to start my business. 

Why is it that you have no appreciation for what he wants in his life? 

Could it be that he's stupid and clueless? Sure. Or maybe he's learning what is needed as he explores the business he wants to start.

Which is it?

Is he stupid? or is he clueless? Or is he an entrepreneur with a vision that he is working towards?

If he is clueless/stupid, then why do you want to be with a clueless/stupid man? What on earth is attractive about a stupid and/or clueless man?

Or is he a guy with a drive and a vision ... an entrepreneur who is learning what is needed to start a business that he dreams of having? If this is it, why are you not supportive of him?

Or is he a guy using a hobby as an excuse to push you away? If this is it, again, why on earth are you chasing this nonsense?



nataly87 said:


> To me, sorry but thats BS, I want him to take me out, and have us go out like a couple but he wants to save money for a drone! We rarely hang out as it is, and its like come on.


Always look at a man's actions. It's his actions that tell you where his head and hear it. He is clearly not into you enough to give up is dream (or his hobby-which ever it is) to spend time and money on you. Why can you not see this?

Well


nataly87 said:


> I have offered to pay for his gas and our dates and he won't accept that either. I don't know what to do.


Then it's not the money. It's that he does not want to spend much time with you at all. Why do you have such a hard time understanding this?

Stop chasing him. Stop demanding and pull away. See what he does. His actions at that point will tell you everything.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> I have to quote this for truth. Those books and a few more that I know of should be mandatory reading in high school and/or college.


I feel like giving those two books (with some cash) as a gift for every wedding I go to.

They would fit into a lot of high school and/or college classes well. Like a psychology or sex ed class. They would do more to prepare people for adulthood than a lot of topics.


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## Kraquin (May 6, 2016)

nataly87 said:


> Well he says, he's saving his money to buy himself a better and more expensive drone, so he can use the drone to invest in getting a job to fly the drone over property's to take video and photos and this will get him lots of money. To me, sorry but thats BS, I want him to take me out, and have us go out like a couple but he wants to save money for a drone! We rarely hang out as it is, and its like come on. I have offered to pay for his gas and our dates and he won't accept that either.


He's just not that into you.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Why is it BS that he wants to save money to start a business? That's what people do.
> 
> I have a business. I had to save thousands of dollars and spend that to start my business.
> 
> ...


He is NOT trying to build a business, he says he knows a guy that will HIRE him to fly the drone around property's and take photos or videos or whatever has to be done. He says he does want to come and see me, he just can't because he doesn't have the time. He works everyday 8AM-3PM, then has college classes, and other work around his parents place, and other things that randomly POP-UP. Yes there have been times where he goes and hangs out with his friends, instead of hanging with me, but his friends live closer, and they treat him better. When him and I fight on and off, I give him attitude, put him down, etc. So he then refuses to come and see me, and I gota wait to see him, and when I drop my attitude and all that, and be a "GOOD GIRL" he will come and see me, otherwise if I treat him like crap he won't see me period.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

It's late, I'm tired and may have missed something. Anything good about this relationship? He does not have the religious commitment or values to treasure virginity and is instead plain frustrated. She complains he is making little or no money and spending it on toys. Neither seems particularly interested in making the relationship or in understanding the other's values. Complaining about each other is the only thing they have in common. 

She should look for someone with similar values at a church instead of going with a guy who is constantly frustrated and uses that frustration as a reason not to value her needs or listen to her.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Bobby5000 said:


> It's late, I'm tired and may have missed something. Anything good about this relationship? He does not have the religious commitment or values to treasure virginity and is instead plain frustrated. She complains he is making little or no money and spending it on toys. Neither seems particularly interested in making the relationship or in understanding the other's values. Complaining about each other is the only thing they have in common.
> 
> She should look for someone with similar values at a church instead of going with a guy who is constantly frustrated and uses that frustration as a reason not to value her needs or listen to her.


He does value my needs and listens to me, and him and I do share similar interests and things in common. We both have the same tastes in music, movies, tv shows, video games, like going to conventions, concerts, museums and other events, we get along fine when hanging out in person, when we are a part is when we fight and not get along.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

Are you even remotely sexually active with your BF? On the rare occasions when you are together is there any passion between you? Fine to save your virginity until marriage, but do you hold hands, kiss, BJ's, anal, anything?

If not, it sounds like you two are just occasional friends and he fits you in when possible.


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## Kraquin (May 6, 2016)

nataly87 said:


> He is NOT trying to build a business, he says he knows a guy that will HIRE him to fly the drone around property's and take photos or videos or whatever has to be done.


That is the latest angle in real estate ........... to show potential buyers overhead video/pictures of homes. Also roofing contractors use it/hire it out to show storm damaged roofs. There is a lot of potential with this technology and your BF understands it. Seems the issue is that you aren't taking the time to understand it as well or are just selfish.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> He is NOT trying to build a business, he says he knows a guy that will HIRE him to fly the drone around property's and take photos or videos or whatever has to be done.


I’m not going to argue with you on whether or not he wants to start a business or he wants to develop the equiptment and skills to fly drones for photographic purposes. If he is buying the equipment and learning about it, he’s putting a lot into the effort and has a desire to do it.

The point is that you could give a rats behind about his desires and ambitions. All you see is what you want.. for him to spend time with you and spend HIS money on you.



nataly87 said:


> He says he does want to come and see me, he just can't because he doesn't have the time. He works everyday 8AM-3PM, then has college classes, and other work around his parents place, and other things that randomly POP-UP.


If he wanted to spend time with you he would find the time and make arrangements so that the two of you were in the same place more often. Again, look at his actions. He’s doing everything else.. everything is more important to him than you are. And from what you write here, especially the below paragraph, I don’t blame him.


nataly87 said:


> Yes there have been times where he goes and hangs out with his friends, instead of hanging with me, but his friends live closer, and they treat him better. When him and I fight on and off, I give him attitude, put him down, etc. So he then refuses to come and see me, and I gota wait to see him, and when I drop my attitude and all that, and be a "GOOD GIRL" he will come and see me, otherwise if I treat him like crap he won't see me period.


Really? You treat him like crap? You emotionally abuse you? Now we are getting to the bottom of this. No wonder he does not want to spend time with you. Why would he?

And yes you need the books. Read the book “Love Busters” first. Then after that read “His Needs, Her Needs”. 

You need to read “Love Busters” first because it explains why he does not want to be with you… an abusive woman.

Why do you treat him badly?


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## Kraquin (May 6, 2016)

nataly87 said:


> Yes there have been times where he goes and hangs out with his friends, instead of hanging with me, but his friends live closer, and they treat him better. When him and I fight on and off, I give him attitude, put him down, etc. So he then refuses to come and see me, and I gota wait to see him, and when I drop my attitude and all that, and be a "GOOD GIRL" he will come and see me, otherwise if I treat him like crap he won't see me period.



Surely you are trolling the board if not .......... you might tell him that you do this purposefully.

Is being deceitful and manipulative a tenet in your religion?


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I’m not going to argue with you on whether or not he wants to start a business or he wants to develop the equiptment and skills to fly drones for photographic purposes. If he is buying the equipment and learning about it, he’s putting a lot into the effort and has a desire to do it.
> 
> The point is that you could give a rats behind about his desires and ambitions. All you see is what you want.. for him to spend time with you and spend HIS money on you.
> 
> ...


I treat him badly because he treats me badly. Him refusing to see me, because of the way I am? That hurts mt feelings and I hate myself for the way I am. I am trying my best to change and yet my attitude keeps getting worse and worse. I yell and scream and curse at him and my friends and family, taking out my angry and frustrations on them. 

As for him he upsets me a LOT. He asks me "what you doing tomorrow?" and I tell him nothing, will be at home, and then I ASSUME MAYBE JUST MAYBE he will show up but he does not. Then other times he says he will come over and then never does. Because his mind works like this, he thinks "Okay I am going to go see my girlfriend today" then his mind, makes him think back to the way I treat him, putting him down and yelling at him and then he decides he doesn't want to see me and doesn't.

Him refusing to see me, because of the way I am hurts me. Me only getting to see my Boyfriend once a month or once every other month hurts me. But he says he refuses to see me because of the way I am. Plus he says again he has to save his money for his drone and his future and other things, fixing his vehicles, saving for a house, his schooling, etc.

I think I should just leave everyone alone and stay away from everyone and everything because it would just be better. No one wants to deal with me and my ways or hear what I am going through. I am trying to change and be the person he wants, he wants someone that's supportive, shows empathy, sympathy, and I show him that but it isn't good enough for him.

All I do is cry everyday because of the person I am and I hate being who I am. I want to be nice and kind and treat everyone great, instead I just treat everyone like crap. I wanna be happy again, be able to hang out with my Boyfriend and go out like normal couples get to do.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Kraquin said:


> nataly87 said:
> 
> 
> > Well he says, he's saving his money to buy himself a better and more expensive drone, so he can use the drone to invest in getting a job to fly the drone over property's to take video and photos and this will get him lots of money. To me, sorry but thats BS, I want him to take me out, and have us go out like a couple but he wants to save money for a drone! We rarely hang out as it is, and its like come on. I have offered to pay for his gas and our dates and he won't accept that either.
> ...


And herein is the title of another book that might be helpful generally...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> I treat him badly because he treats me badly. Him refusing to see me, because of the way I am? That hurts mt feelings and I hate myself for the way I am. I am trying my best to change and yet my attitude keeps getting worse and worse. I yell and scream and curse at him and my friends and family, taking out my angry and frustrations on them.
> 
> As for him he upsets me a LOT. He asks me "what you doing tomorrow?" and I tell him nothing, will be at home, and then I ASSUME MAYBE JUST MAYBE he will show up but he does not. Then other times he says he will come over and then never does. Because his mind works like this, he thinks "Okay I am going to go see my girlfriend today" then his mind, makes him think back to the way I treat him, putting him down and yelling at him and then he decides he doesn't want to see me and doesn't.
> 
> ...



Like I said, I can see why he does not want to spend time with you.

He does not make you act the way you act, you choose to act that way. 

If he wants to save money, he has every right to save money.

If he does not want to see you, he has every right to not see you.

If he feels that your abuse is too much to deal with, he has every right to ignore you.

If you do not like what he is doing, you have every right to express your feelings and share your needs with him. but if he ignores that, then you have one sane choice... stop seeing him.

You cannot force him to do anything. So stop trying. Stop yelling at him and others. Start acting like a decent human.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Like I said, I can see why he does not want to spend time with you.
> 
> He does not make you act the way you act, you choose to act that way.
> 
> ...


I am going to stop, end of discussion.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> I am going to stop, end of discussion.


Good


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> Well he says, he's saving his money to buy himself a better and more expensive drone, so he can use the drone to invest in getting a job to fly the drone over property's to take video and photos and this will get him lots of money.


As an aside has he looked into getting liability insurance and an FAA permit to fly drones commercially? Especially if he intends to do so over people and/or property? 

Unless he is a licensed pilot with a registered aircraft he will need to apply for an exemption to FAA Section 333 to operate it for commercial purposes.

If not then he will be committing an offence, which will become evident when her starts publicizing and selling his videos.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Unless he uses it to get into advertising.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A former psych BS and MA coworker is making a killing in online advertising design... Good stuff.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Kraquin said:


> That is the latest angle in real estate ........... to show potential buyers overhead video/pictures of homes. Also roofing contractors use it/hire it out to show storm damaged roofs. There is a lot of potential with this technology and your BF understands it. Seems the issue is that you aren't taking the time to understand it as well or are just selfish.


True this. A couple thousand dollars in a drone and 4k camera make roof or other inspections trivial. In a year or two lots of people will get in, but now it's pretty available. Licensing will be tricky tho so as mentioned he needs to be set up properly- also insurance..


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## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

There is no relationship from his view........when I was young and "into" a girl an hour drive was no obstacle to frequent visits. He seemingly gets little to no pleasure from interactions with you. Find a new, good guy who actually wants to be with you. This guy is just not good with using words to end his time with you.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Him and I did end our relationship and I am moving on.


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## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> Him and I did end our relationship and I am moving on.


Wise decision kiddo........the world is now wide open for you....good luck


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## Kraquin (May 6, 2016)

Do the next guy a favor and tell him on the first date why your last relationship ended.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@nataly87 I will suggest that you seek out some counselling.

If you treated your now former boyfriend so badly and are also abusive toward other friends and family members, then I recommend you receive counselling, including anger management.


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