# Please I need good sound advice!! Thanks!



## 1lostintranslation (Apr 10, 2012)

So I have been dating a man for the past 14 months. We both had children. I had 3 girls (8, 6, 4), him 2 girls (11, 9). We moved in together since were so excited about this new family. He had been divorced for 4 years. Planned a August wedding, we ended up canceling. We also in the midst of this were expecting a new one of our own a little boy, he was born in Oct. 

Long story short. The moving in together didn't go that great. He ended up moving out a mere 5 months later. The biggest issue we disagreed on the kids. So we disconnected. I felt abandoned while carrying his child, and he decided to leave. I felt as if he chose the two kids over me, the other kids, and then our kid together. 

We have tried to continue on the relationship long distance he lives an hour away, and it was difficult. I have been the primary caretaker of our child since he was born. He said that he thought that is what we would do until we could all be together. he wanted me to rent out my house and move up there with my kids to be with him in July 2013. Well long story short things have gone downhill. I told him in therapy prior to him moving that if he moved it would be over. Not because I wanted it to, but because of my needs for time i didn't feel it could be worked on from afar. He had been coming down for about a day or so at a time each week at best sometimes less. Due to having kids we haven't gone on any dates. He has never invited me down to his new place an hour away. He would stay anywhere from a few hours to the entire day and stay over. However each time it left it felt like he was leaving all over again. I feel like I have to sacrifice not having the kind of relationship I signed up for due to him feeling it was best for him to leave. I didn't sign up for a "phone conversation relationship" or to just get a visit when it suits him. He said to me the other day joking, "I have you wrapped around my finger" and I think he really believes this. He says he loves me and is in love with me but just doesn't understand what I need. For instance he was coming up pick up our son yesterday I asked him repeatedly to stay and hang out with "us" for the night. I hadn't seen him in a week. He never responded. He then after eating a meal I cooked for him (I always cook for him when he comes) said, "Ok i'm going to get ready to leave". Well I flipped went off on him for being so inconsiderate. He then relented and said he would stay. So I responded by telling him it was over and to leave. I don't want a person that I have to ask to want to stay with me or coach. I felt like if he really wanted to stay he would have responded to me asking or would have asked himself. At the end of it he said well I didn't know if that's what you really wanted. However I had asked though several times. It bothers me that he never wants to talk about issues that we have while we are together. He said at the time he just wants to focus on the good. But for it it's like how can we fit it if the only time we discuss it is over the phone. Due to the way he left I feel very insecure in this situation. I need to feel like he wants this and is really working towards this. That I am "IT" for him, and no matter what he is there and committed to this. His biggest complaint is needing to feel supported. I feel I do that. I take care of his kid day in and day out financially and physically. I try to treat him nicely when he comes. This is hard because of the way I feel internally. 

My questions are:

What should I do try or give up on this?
Do you think he's cheating? He swears this isn't it
How can I communicate my feelings to him and he understand?
He says my biggest issue is my mouth, but when I am quiet my needs don't get met. 
Should I break all contact with him besides our kid?
If so, do you think he'll finally get it?
What could we do in order to satisfy both us in already hard situation? 

I love this man dearly and want desperately for it to work but not sure how. 


Sorry so long wanted to give you all info.


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