# Need Advice!!



## Undecided2013 (Oct 4, 2013)

My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years and together for 8. We have a 2 year old. 

We first moved in together when we got engaged in 07 and everything was fine for a while and then we started having problems. He said he needed time to think but since we had relocated and were new to the area he only moved out of our bedroom. We ended up breaking up and I moved back home heartbroken. A few months later he came looking for me. Apologized, moved back home, and we got engaged again. We got married the following year. 

Six months into our marriage, I went out with my sisters to a midnight premire and he stayed home with my brother in law. We came home to find them asleep and they had been drinking. I never checked his email or phone but it was open and on the table and there was a message so it was more of an instint to look and I saw a message to his sister saying he missed his ex. Naturally I was devastated. We were newly weds. Next morning I confronted him about it and he said he was drunk and didn't mean anything and he heard a song that reminded him of her and he didn't miss being with her and he loved me. But now I was uneasy. So I checked his email and found not that he had been keeping in touch with his ex but a whole bunch of email replies from a post he placed online called "Married man looking for thick girl with a booty". I have to say...I'm small figured and obviously don't meet that description so I now felt that cheated and that I wasn't even the type of girl he was attracted to. When I confronted him he apologized and said he was stupid and it was all talk and he never met anyone but he had made a friend at a gas station he was txting cause she didn't live in the area. we went to counseling but I was angry and hurt - rather than keep trying he said that we needed time and he moved out of our apartment. I finally forgave him as I decided to believe it was all talk. We had a son a year later and we were doing fine. 

Now, from a few months ago he seems different. We argue a lot and almost 3 weeks ago he again said he needed time and moved out. However he wanted to go on dates. He said this was because we had fallen in a routine and our relationship and intimacy had grown cold (which I can see). but I just didn't understand why we couldn't work on it together. Anyway so paying the credit cards I noticed a charge I didn't recognize so I text him to ask him if he knew about it and he said he ordered male enhancement pills. In the past, we've had intimacy issues and discussed getting pills so he said that he felt our time apart was helping and he wanted to have them ready assuming we worked out our differences. But he didn't use our regular amazon account. He created a new email account under a different name, and new amazon account. When I first asked what account he used to order the pills he lied and said his friends and when I asked why he said because he was embarrased to tell me. It doesn't make sense since we had discussed it several times before. He swears this time apart was really for both of us to think about our problems and whether we were together for us or our son and that the pills were to enhance our sex life. But the new email and the lying bring back memories and doubt. He wants to come home but I don't know if I can believe not only that he's not back doing online casual dating but that he's not gonna keep leaving every few years. I'm confused and sad and need advice.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My bet is that he's been cheating on you.

Has seriously talked about moving back in with you?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You say that you split up, then got back together. That he screwed up, and you forgave... But where is the part where the two of you actively work on the problems, rather than just sweeping things under the rug and move on? I can only respond based on what you post in here, but I a troubled relationship, if you keep doing the same thing, you can expect the same results. 

Just my thoughts...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Undecided2013 (Oct 4, 2013)

He said that he loves me and that the few weeks apart have shown him he's stupid and hurting the two people he loves most (me and our son). I just don't believe his story about his embarrasement to discuss buying male enhancement pills or why he created an email account under a different name. He gave me the password but of course I wont find anything there he could've easily deleted everything. To be fair, since he left he does come over every other day and pretty much all day on weekends and when he doesn't he's always texting and face timing with our son and he always seems to be at his dad's house. And the pills were ordered only a few days ago when he said he thought we were making progress. In fact they haven't even been delivered. His whole argument is that if he was cheating he wouldn't use the credit card he knows I pay because I obviously look at the purchases. 

But what about him leaving...this is the 3rd time. How many more times is he going to need a break to reevaluate our relationship? And I just don't know if I can believe that this whole thing didn't have something to do with someone else. I love him but I don't know if it's better to just call it quits...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Again though... The two of you aren't dealing with the real reasons why he left. So yes, it will continue to happen if you keep getting back together. Him saying he missed you is the reason he wants to come back, not the reason he left. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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