# resilience



## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

so, some of my soldiers recently asked me what it takes to get through Special Forces Assessment and Selection(SFAS). they had the typical assumptions about green berets, which is basically that you have to be Rambo. they assumed that they have to be a super pt god, extremely cunning, be able to practically ignore pain, and have no problem killing. 

they were thinking about going to SFAS after they get to their next duty station. they asked me because i have been and i was selected. i never finished the qualification course though, i voluntarily withdrew because i knew that my marriage was not going to survive if i didnt take time to make things work and build up a solid foundation. and lets be honest, there are plenty of other cool things i can do in the army. i never defined myself by my job anyway.

it kinda caught me off guard, because thinking about it, none of the things that they were naming off were universal across those who get selected to attend SF training. its not even universal across the soldiers that actually make it through the long training and actually don the green beret. after a while, it struck me that the ONLY thing that they all had in common was that they were all self-correcting. in other words, they are resilient. 

i have heard it said many times that special forces soldiers are selected, not trained. that is to say, they already had the character traits that make them suitable for SF. the selection process is about finding those individuals.

thinking about it, its resiliency. they come from all walks of life. some of them are party animals, some of them are more like businessmen. some are quiet and try to avoid conflict when they can, some go looking for fights. some are bigger than Rambo, some are extremely skinny. some are extremely intelligent, others just tough as hell. some are alphas, some are sigmas, but i would say that all of them have learned not to be betas. 

but none of them will ever give up. they all find it more comfortable to believe that they can always find a way to win, to fight, to survive, than they do the thought of accepting that they have lost or that something cannot be done.

so thats what i told my soldiers. i told them that they have to be able to think positively, they have to be able to bounce back and have faith in themselves. they have to be resilient. when i went to SFAS, i was the smallest person there. nobody expected me to succeed. i was five foot seven and weighed 118 pounds. but i finished it. and i loved it. but i didnt love it because it was full of enjoyable experiences. i loved it because i saw what "false motivation" did for me back when i was into ultra long distance running. and i saw what it did for SFAS candidates.
people who were hurting were laughing and hollering like they just won the lottery. people who had blisters so deep that their boots were stained with blood. by the time i got to SFAS, that was how i delt with "the suck". when i finished, i had a broken foot and blisters so deep that i was suffering a bit of anemia from blood loss. my foot was so swollen i had to cut my boot off. and there were plenty just like me. people were hurting, but grinning from ear to ear. 


then i started thinking, the more and more i think like i did back when i was in SFAS, the happier i am. the more successful i am. the more empowered i feel. the better my marriage is. i mean, i absolutely LOVE life. and life can be TOUGH!

so, i figured i would share my thoughts on resiliency. i think its probably the most important trait for us to culture within ourselves. as long as we spend our thoughts and time looking for the solutions instead of pitying ourselves, we will succeed. we will find out what really works to make our marriages work. we will find out what really makes us attractive to our spouses. we will know that we can be happy. we will find out how to accomplish whatever goals we want to accomplish. 

it will also allow us to be honest with ourselves. for instance, lets say that i am out of shape and my wife doesnt find me attractive and i have low self esteem because of a lousy body image. now, lets say its obvious to me that the solution is to lose weight and get into shape. but, say i keep making starts, but i can never seem to commit. a resilient man will find a way to motivate himself.
for me, thats listening to my favorite music. it used to also be having a buddy drop me off 30 miles from home so that i have no choice but run back(take away the option of quitting). when i dont have music, its the laughing, grinning through my teeth because im going smile damnit! im not going to let the pain make me feel crappy enough to want to stop!

when my marriage was crap, it was what drove me to find out what was really going on so that i could stop my wife from self destructing and me from getting to the point where i was "done". im just too damn stubborn to give up. 

when i learned arabic, its what kept me from giving up after the first time i studied ten words for half a day and couldn't remember a single one the next day. i spent time thinking about the fact that i hadnt tried every learning strategy, and until i go through all of them i wont know what works best. and i was going to keep trying until they told me i had failed, because i have skirted by on the skin of my teeth before. the last thing i want to do is defeat myself when there IS a way for me to learn. and i eventually figured it out.

so what are your thoughts on resiliency? its probably the toughest character trait to develop. its tough because you have to change the way you think about failure. you have do whatever it takes to keep yourself motivated to tackle anything. you have to develop a positive winning mind. 

whenever i have an argument with my wife that just seems defeating, i take time to right myself. i find ways to let go of the resentments and look for a way to come to a positive outcome, one that i am happy with. i know that if i hold crap in it will just pile up in the resentment bin, so i dont do that anymore. its contrary to my goals. 

i used to be terrified of going to a promotion board. i used to get extremely anxious just thinking about it, but i knew that if i didnt go, i would never get over the anxiety and i would never advance. well, in full anxiety mode, i passed both of my promotion boards. go figure, the fear was bigger than the fact. 

im not anxious much at all anymore. its taken years, but one of my goals was to kill my constant anxiety. the little boy in me always wants to hide from things that make me anxious, but the resilient side wants to practice different ways of working through it when i AM anxious. so, i had to put myself in places where im anxious... so that i could learn to not be anxious. 

becoming resilient is tough, but if you can do it, you win.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Hi As'laDain,

Thanks for posting this, since I'm away with the family in a motel room at the moment, I won't respond comprehensively. I agree with you that resilience is so important to building relationships that work well.

In my experience, when I was a kid I used to think I was strong because I would never give up even when I was choked or bashed by my parents. Yet I wasn't really being strong, I was acting out of fear, because I feared so strongly they would crush me. I would always stand against them despite the violence, only because I feared losing myself more than the physical pain and shame of my circumstance.

Later, I came to develop resilience, following the realisation that no-one owed me anything, things don't always work out and real life has no guarantees. I came to accept I could either press on regardless or wallow in self pity.

Having to face Army service at 17, unexpected parenting and marriage at 19 with marital infidelity at 20 leading to divorce at 21. I came to realise that I was not well served by hanging onto pain and building resentment. So instead of wrapping myself in the comfort of self pity. I learnt to get over myself, try for the best, and accept that the worst can happen.

As it turns out, my resilience has served me well.

As long as you can still move you have evidently survived, so you may as well carry on.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

the same is true in the engineering field. If you are developing a new product, for instance, the lead engineer that is resilient, the one that has optimism, but when confronted with serious and real problems, knows how to find alternatives, go in different directions, knows when to ask for and who to seek out help from, knows when it is time for an all-nighter, HE is the one that comes up with the new Apple Watch, or whatever.

Plenty get distracted, despondent, loose their way, just analyze data paralyzed from making a decision. Those are the followers that can be useful, but NEVER as the project leader. The leader has to know how those followers operate, and plan on touching base with them, Some every other hour, some once a month, depending on their individual abilities.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

My cube mate is a West Point grad probably 5 ft 6-7 and slim - made it to paratrooper and Army Ranger among other things 

After spending a decade in Europe commanding tanks he came back and went to engineering school and is a project leader of the software team right now. He's as resilient as they come. Never angry, very resourceful, always finds a way to get things done without lamenting or over analyzing the way we do it.

He's not alpha at all - his 2nd in command, a former Navy squid is that. He's as calm and composed as it gets. A great thinker and doer.

On top of that he's nearing 60 and in better shape than most 40 year olds.

(Don't get him started on Army vs Navy or Army vs Air Force stories or West Point lore )


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

so how do YOU GUYS work on being more resilient? more able to bounce back from adversity?

i think that is what the 180 is all about, teaching people how to bounce back and take control of their lives instead of getting stuck in the rut of "woe is me".


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Different things. I'm very resilient because I rarely get caught by surprise. I plan for things and anticipate actions. At the individual level it works remarkably well. I take risks but I do so knowing what is in there for me.

The 180... Works great in some cases but not everywhere. One does need to have control of their own destiny but sometimes that's not enough. 

The 180 in my view is a tactical move, not a strategic one . Most people don't really know what they're dealing with and to what extent, hence the 180 is overprescribed in my view.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

To expand on what As'laDain and john117 has mentioned, physical stature does not correlate with resilience or leadership either.

As a former Australian soldier I have worked with US Army, Marines, British and Canadian Army personnel. I can say despite all of our differences and egos we had much in common. Resilience came in all shapes and sizes, while all great leaders were calm and composed. Those who threw their weight around, carried on in anger and had to go through their service life needing to usually punish their men and women were largely ineffective leaders.

A lot of short men end up in roles of leadership and special forces. I,m 5'4" tall, yet I was a Section (Squad) 2IC at 21, Section (Squad) Commander at 22 and Platoon Sergeant at 26 all in Infantry and at the appropriate substantive ranks, before I transferred to Intelligence at the encouragement of a former Infantry mate who was in that Corps.

Quite a few of my good friends and former Infantry colleagues were short as well yet they despite being between 5'4" through to 5''7" tall most of them became special forces soldiers with either the SASR or Commando's with the rest at minimum becoming NCO's.

It' very common to have small men leading large men, one of my Scouts was 6'5" tall, yet I used him as a Scout because he excelled at doing that job.

Will muse more later, since the family has some bush walking to do.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

As'laDain said:


> so how do YOU GUYS work on being more resilient? more able to bounce back from adversity?
> 
> i think that is what the 180 is all about, teaching people how to bounce back and take control of their lives instead of getting stuck in the rut of "woe is me".


i think the answer lies in really understanding the nature of things and people. No delusions, no wishful thinking. It permeats your thinking and how you plan and react.

Maybe one example: lets say you are developing a new medical device, maybe using an Iphone to monitor blood sugar level. You have a team. One is writing code, one is making some sort of device to measure blood sugar, one is working on communicating to the device, one is working on lab tests to see the accuracy, on on marketing the product. You, the project leader, notice that the lines of code are not coming...there is trouble, too many "i am working on it but it is not working yet" conversations.

Now you can
1) get mad, accuse the programmer of not working hard enough, make schedules, deadlines, threaten, worry about getting fired, get an ulcer

or, even though you know virtually nothing of programming:

2) sit down with him. Go over the lines of code. Try to understand the programming issues. See if the programmer is missing something by being too close to the problem. See if there is a bunch of code you can buy to do a part he is not familiar with doing, or borrow from a sales representative. See if another programmer can be brought in for a week to review what he did, and suggest solutions. Maybe have a design review with 4 other experienced programmers/algorithm developers to see if he is going in the right direction.

in other words, if you go the route of 2), you are helping solve the problem, helping the worker to succeed, acknowledging that he IS working hard, but just might be stuck on one small thing. Even though you know nothing about programming, you can be VERY helpful still to solving the problem, and helping your worker to not flip out about this setback. 

*the resilient part* is your firm belief that there IS a solution, that you will eventually find it, and you are just on a quest to find it, and use whatever tools are at your disposal to get there. And your resilience is what allows you to defend your team, and get them the resources and time from the customer to actually find the solution! Your resilience, exuded from you to the customer, is what keeps the wolf from the door.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

As'laDain said:


> so how do YOU GUYS work on being more resilient? more able to bounce back from adversity?
> 
> i think that is what the 180 is all about, teaching people how to bounce back and take control of their lives instead of getting stuck in the rut of "woe is me".


I think self discipline is the precursor to resilience.

Facing one's fears and challenging or pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone , helps build resilience. 

These things are not taught but learnt through experiences. 
A person can inspire you to be resilient but not make you resilient , you must develop that " killer instinct " yourself. The instinct that says ,no matter what happens, even though I loose this round , I will lick my wounds , train harder and return better.

Being able to confront and deal with difficult times and difficult people doesn't come naturally.
Although I think it might have something to do with certain types of personality traits. But the way we approach situations i life either makes us stronger or weaken our resolve.
Only when we overcome difficulties as they come, we become more resilient.

It comes down to having a greater self awareness and mental toughness.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Well... My father was as disciplined as they come after going from NCO to OCS (not in the US Army) but his resilience came from his people skills and planning, not necessarily preparation.

In contrast I have the self discipline if a three year old (mmm donuts) but planning and reading people are my thing. 

The part about self awareness and mental toughness really nailed it. I know who I am and what I know and don't know. I don't freak out. Cool and composed does it...


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

My wife and I have been having an interesting conversation about resilience over the weekend.

One of the things my wife mentions is being inspired by someone else's resilience, when she saw others who were resilient when faced with adversity. She felt embarrassed by not being like that when things didn't go her way. So she ended up adjusting her expectations and how she sought to overcome adversity which led to her becoming more resilient.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i think that at its core, resilience is being able to look at your situation and decide that your going to be ok, and then making an effective plan to accomplish your goals. 

it requires a lot of honesty with yourself. lets say my wife cheats on me... if i am resilient, i will tell myself that this will not kill me. after that, i have to decide what my goals are. if it is to remain married, then i have to be honest with myself and figure out what my wife would have to do in order for me to feel that i can trust her again. that may be her exposing her affair herself, or it may just be no contact and complete transparency. 

i also have to be able to see a life without her if she cannot meet my expectations. 

at its core, resiliency is about knowing that i am going to be ok, regardless of what happens to me, because i have the ability to engineer my own future.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

I don't necessarily work on being more resilient. I work on how I handle the problem. I identify the issue and make decisions based on that issue. Once identified, I take steps to meet the end result that I seek. I try not to let emotion cloud my judgment and decision making, but as we all know, sometimes that proves more difficult at times when a man's meddle is tested. 

I envision the steps I'll take and I set out to accomplish those steps one at a time. Once I've reached the result I'm seeking, I identify the process used and I try to build upon that foundation for future problems. If I do not meet the result I want, I identify the crux. I determine if it's something I can change or not. 

So, for myself, it's my problem solving abilities coupled with coping abilities that promotes my resiliency. Life can have a way of kicking a man down, but it's the will power to keep moving forward that allows me to get back up even when the odds seemed stacked.


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## BookOfJob (Jul 6, 2012)

Wow, a lot of knowledge is being shared here.

All this talk about resiliency reminds me of a writing about the Hindenburg disaster. Here is an excerpt from it:


> .... Natural instinct caused those on the ground to run from the burning wreck as fast as they could, but Chief Petty Officer Frederick J. “Bull” Tobin, a longtime airship veteran and an enlisted airship pilot who was in charge of the Navy landing party, cried out to his sailors: “Navy men, Stand fast!!” Bull Tobin had survived the crash of USS Shenandoah, and he was not about to abandon those in peril on an airship, even if it meant his own life. And his sailors agreed. Films of the disaster (see below) clearly show sailors turning and running back toward the burning ship to rescue survivors; those films are a permanent tribute to the courage of the sailors at Lakehurst that day....


So maybe that's all that we need, a small voice inside us to scream "Navy men, stand fast!" when our first instinct is to cut and run.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Whatever allows us to believe that we are not defeated, and act accordingly. I'm sure it's different for every one of us, but it's important to develop.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thumbper (Sep 11, 2014)

As'laDain said:


> i have heard it said many times that special forces soldiers are selected, not trained. that is to say, they already had the character traits that make them suitable for SF. the selection process is about finding those individuals.
> 
> thinking about it, its resiliency. they come from all walks of life. some of them are party animals, some of them are more like businessmen. some are quiet and try to avoid conflict when they can, some go looking for fights. some are bigger than Rambo, some are extremely skinny. some are extremely intelligent, others just tough as hell. some are alphas, some are sigmas, but i would say that all of them have learned not to be betas.
> 
> ...


AD... Good question and interesting thoughts.
Quick question...Are you an only child, first born, middle child or youngest? Do you have older siblings, do you have older brothers?

I ask because I believe that, often, resiliency can be developed simply by the dynamics of your family situation specific to the questions I ask above. Yes, there many other influences to consider and I believe that at any point in life, you can decide to work on and achieve greater resiliency.

As a middle or younger child in the family, you are constantly exposed to bigger and smarter adversarys that physically and mentally challenge your abilities. Especially at younger ages when you are stuck in the house or yard with only superior foes in all contests. At first, you cry, wine and complain that they are not playing fair or cheating against you. Often they are cheating but basically they are picking on you because that is what older siblings do. You first learn that crying, wining and complaining only exaserbates the problem and now you are being made fun of. The teasing commences and further pressure ensues in the competition.

Once you get tired of losing, teased and learn that life is not always fair, resiliency begins to blossom. You work harder than one can imagine to become more competitive. Out in the yard late into the night and after all have retired...throwing the ball against the wall, into the net or running around the house again and again to get faster. Eventually, a simple win against an older sibling and the scowl on their face that follows, is a huge reward and is a memory of a lifetime. Your physical and mental toughness developes and through the years to follow, these habits bode you well and are an advantage in the game of life.

Especially in boys, I have seen the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th brother become most resilient and the most succesful athlete from the years of "pain" inflicted. 

I think many other forms of adversity at a young age can develope these same traits. Alcoholic or absent parent, poor/$ family experience and out-of-work parents to name a few. Often you see the successful person (physically, financially, intelligently, artistically) born of dire means in youth.

What do you think? Tell me the truth now...I am resilient!


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## thumbper (Sep 11, 2014)

Personal said:


> A lot of short men end up in roles of leadership and special forces. I,m 5'4" tall, yet I was a Section (Squad) 2IC at 21, Section (Squad) Commander at 22 and Platoon Sergeant at 26 all in Infantry and at the appropriate substantive ranks, before I transferred to Intelligence at the encouragement of a former Infantry mate who was in that Corps.
> 
> Quite a few of my good friends and former Infantry colleagues were short as well yet they despite being between 5'4" through to 5''7" tall most of them became special forces soldiers with either the SASR or Commando's with the rest at minimum becoming NCO's.


Personal
For many of the reasons I posed just previously, in this thread, in reply to AD's question, I feel that shorter men can develope greater resiliency and success skills in life. The disadvantage (perceived or real...that's another post) of being shorter than your mates early in life, creates a mindset of resiliency and habits that bode well in life's competition.

Especially in men, the disadvantage of height pushes the person to work harder, practice longer and develope creativity to compete with the "big boys."

PS, I am 5'7"...been there done that.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

thumbper said:


> AD... Good question and interesting thoughts.
> Quick question...Are you an only child, first born, middle child or youngest? Do you have older siblings, do you have older brothers?


That's an interesting question, as you go on to say family dynamics and all of the other things you experience plays a big role.

I am the oldest in my family and didn't always have a great time growing up. Whereas my wife who I consider to be very resilient (who is finding out today if she is going to become redundant in her management role) is the youngest.



thumbper said:


> I ask because I believe that, often, resiliency can be developed simply by the dynamics of your family situation specific to the questions I ask above. Yes, there many other influences to consider and I believe that at any point in life, you can decide to work on and achieve greater resiliency.


I concur one can become resilient at any point, I also think that far more people are resilient than those that are not.



thumbper said:


> As a middle or younger child in the family, you are constantly exposed to bigger and smarter adversarys that physically and mentally challenge your abilities. Especially at younger ages when you are stuck in the house or yard with only superior foes in all contests. At first, you cry, wine and complain that they are not playing fair or cheating against you. Often they are cheating but basically they are picking on you because that is what older siblings do. You first learn that crying, wining and complaining only exaserbates the problem and now you are being made fun of. The teasing commences and further pressure ensues in the competition.


And so on etc.



thumbper said:


> Once you get tired of losing, teased and learn that life is not always fair, resiliency begins to blossom. You work harder than one can imagine to become more competitive. Out in the yard late into the night and after all have retired...throwing the ball against the wall, into the net or running around the house again and again to get faster. Eventually, a simple win against an older sibling and the scowl on their face that follows, is a huge reward and is a memory of a lifetime. Your physical and mental toughness developes and through the years to follow, these habits bode you well and are an advantage in the game of life.


That's the thing, once you accept things aren't always fair and don't always go the way you want and no one is obliged to help you. You can then pick yourself up and get on if you are willing.



thumbper said:


> Especially in boys, I have seen the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th brother become most resilient and the most succesful athlete from the years of "pain" inflicted.


It's funny you should say boys, our (oldest who is almost 5'7", I have a tall wife ) 14 year old son is an extremely fit 6 pack and more very fast natural runner. Yet he doesn't care to be competitive at all, lacks motivation in many areas and will often readily give up while being a fair to poor achiever academically. On the other hand our (youngest) 11 year old girl is extraordinarily competitive, never gives up no matter what, is competitive at regional and zone level in a number of sports and is also an academic high achiever.



thumbper said:


> I think many other forms of adversity at a young age can develope these same traits. Alcoholic or absent parent, poor/$ family experience and out-of-work parents to name a few. Often you see the successful person (physically, financially, intelligently, artistically) born of dire means in youth.
> 
> What do you think? Tell me the truth now...I am resilient!


My wife wonders if you are more inclined to have it or not, for one can largely experience the same circumstance as another sibling yet turn out very different when it comes to many things including being resilient.


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

"After all... tomorrow is another day!" - Scarlett O'Hara


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

I am the middle child. Both of my brothers are taller and larger than I am. Both football players in high school.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thumbper (Sep 11, 2014)

Personal said:


> That's an interesting question, as you go on to say family dynamics and all of the other things you experience plays a big role.
> 
> I am the oldest in my family and didn't always have a great time growing up. Whereas my wife who I consider to be very resilient (who is finding out today if she is going to become redundant in her management role) is the youngest.
> 
> ...


*So yes, is it nature or nuture, this is the long standing debate of psychologists and sociologists everywhere. I do believe that the traits we speak of are implanted, to an extent, from the parents DNA. This is only a starting point though, the final product is crafted from the influences around us and mostly at a young age. 

Making change after that point requires years of counseling....HA! *


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

my older brother is quite resilient as well. he certainly wasnt given anything growing up... none of us were. 

we grew up in conditions that would have had us whisked away by CPS today. were just poor though. before i was born, my mother baby sat several kids for extra money. my brother does not remember a time where it was just him. 

i guess thats why both of my brothers are excelling in the military. older brother is an airborne infantryman like me, younger brother is EOD. older brother has more awards than i care to count, younger brother is highly coveted for his mind. units fight for him because he build some of the best training aids the army has ever seen. 

we have all had a lot of difficulties and challenges that we have overcome.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

As'laDain said:


> so how do YOU GUYS work on being more resilient? more able to bounce back from adversity?
> 
> i think that is what the 180 is all about, teaching people how to bounce back and take control of their lives instead of getting stuck in the rut of "woe is me".


In my mind the key is not to ever believe you have all the answers and become committed to a single course of action. You have to be prepared to open your eyes to what is going on around you and be prepared to reassess your position.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Interesting conversation. I’d like to think I’m resilient as hell. Part of that though is my childhood. Judging from your 5’-7”, 115 lbs, (I was 5’-7”/130 lbs in college) I’d bet you faced some of the same thing I did as a boy: The smallest boy in the class (or least in the top 3)? 

As such, you faced adversity early on. Bigger boys, mean girls, classmates and upperclassmen saw you as easier prey. Hell, even adults often misjudged your age and you noticed them treating you like a younger kid. “You must be this tall to ride” was a shaming thing. Basically, one of my friends sort of summed it up; “Never say anything to upset a dude that could knock your teeth out.” How physically intimidating men are treated is different than those who aren’t. 

So you developed a whole enriched set of coping skills that worked for you to find respect and cope with the outside constantly reminding you how small you are. Those skills aren’t significantly different than anyone elses, however because we were targets so often, we had to refine and practice them with more regularity than others. And a lot learn to adapt, learn, and find a way to overcome things outside your control. You essentially learned sh!t happens and just how to deal with it instead of curling up in a ball. Hence resilience….


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

talk about resilience... 

this guy totally blows my mind. 
3rd Special Forces Group (Airborne) THOR3 - YouTube


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Resilient to me is if I run into a big problem that winds me up. I'll walk away, tell myself it won't beat me. I'll come back, look at it from different angles and figure it out. I like to be able to manage what is thrown at me. If I can't do that I'm not afraid to ask for help. After all resilience ultimately means getting the job at hand done.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I used to have a lot of resilience, and plenty of confidence. But I have always lacked a je n'est ce pas quality, offense or assertiveness maybe. That lack of an offense eventually chips away at even the most resilient person, and if things culminate they can break you. What I have found is that even when I had a lot of resilience I wasn't exactly pushing myself forward (though I could have if I had an objective) and now that I've lost the resiliency I find that dwelling in mediocrity gets me just as far as when I was tough as nails mentally, only it feels worse inside. repairing broken resiliency is the toughest thing anyone can do, 10x more difficult than building it up the first time, or even recovering from the biggest of hits when you are in a healthy state of resilience.


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