# BJ first thing in the morning



## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

Married 11 years, 3 kids, early 40s. My husband has a very high drive, and he wants multiple orgasms, like 3, every time we have sex. That's a source of tension, but it's kind of a separate issue (which I've posted about before). We don't always have time or energy for this in the evenings. So now, we are having more sex in the mornings. I am not usually much in the mood and would rather get some extra sleep, but I try to get into it for his sake. The one thing I really dislike in the morning is giving him a bj. It's not appealing or sexy, and he needs a shower and I'm usually too thirsty to really do it properly--it's just dry and unpleasant. I've told him this many times (in more gentle terms, usually) and I'm happy to give him a bj in the evening. I do it almost every time we have sex in the evening. But he keeps asking in the morning, and I feel like a jerk for saying no, and I'm also getting angry that he won't back off that issue. He does have 1-2 orgasms from intercourse if we have a morning encounter, so it's not like I'm coldly rejecting him. Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

"Am I being unreasonable?" no


"Is he being unreasonable?" yes


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

PenguinCat said:


> .... would rather get some extra sleep, *but I try to get into it for his sake*.


If only all wives were like you!

I think it is every guys dream to be woken up with a BJ.....but I can also understand your reservations because he probably hasn't showered for nearly 24hours.

Speaking as a guy here...so I'm on his side!!!!...how about suggesting that if he wants to be woken up with a BJ then he showers just before bed the evening before...

But I guess that would mean he would have to shower AFTER having made love to you:smthumbup: and before sleeping. Kinda kills the post sex cuddle I guess.

Does he know just how lucky he is that you do things FOR HIM?


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> "Am I being unreasonable?" no
> 
> 
> "Is he being unreasonable?" yes


I agree, Your husband is way too demanding and should be happy you give him a BJ in the evening. I having a feeling if you tell him no he gets angry, acts cold or gives you the silent treatment. Very selfish and immature. He needs to back off and be happy with what you are giving him otherwise if he was my husband he wouldn't be getting anything. Stop telling him in gentle terms and just tell him No, not this morning, I'll give you a BJ tonight.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Does he reciprocate in the same way in the mornings?

I'm with you on this one....


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

it won't hurt him to wack himself off every now and then when he is horny and un showered.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening penguincat
Does he do everything you desire in and out of bed? 

You are doing an awful lot for him. That might be OK if he is also doing an awful lot for you, but is he?


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## feeling lost (Oct 17, 2009)

With you on this one. He is unreasonable. He could at least have a shower before a BJ if you did give it!
Tell him to wait till tonight.
Wish I got a BJ just once a week. He is so fortunate!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

jorgegene said:


> "Am I being unreasonable?" no
> 
> 
> "Is he being unreasonable?" yes


:iagree:


And if he keeps doing this, I predict a sexless marriage in your future. I'd have a mountain of resentment already.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

Compromise means sometime the LD spouse needs to realize that sometimes sex is about your partner's happiness even when you would rather watch reruns or read a book. It also means that HD partners have to realize they are going to have to go without sex and not have an orgasm everytime the mood strikes for the very same reason.

Sounds like your hubby is self-absorbed and inconsiderate.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

A few yrs back I had a sex drive that could match your husbands. When I was feeling LIKE THAT.. I was at his beck & call... I did everything imaginable to make his life easier, carefree.. so I could get AS MUCH pleasurable connecting as possible.. I had to calm my jets though as he couldn't get erect as much as I wanted it.. 

It would have been unreasonable FOR ME to EXPECT sex from him 3 times a day.. 

At the very least...your husband needs to honor your wishes with a shower or being clean ..and maybe you can compromise and forgo a night here & there & give him one in the am.. shake it up a bit.. but to cut them all out.. I wouldn't do that.. 

I took advantage of every AM sex romp I could get, even if had to set my alarm ...as during that spell.. he was most ready to go in the am.... a man's testosterone level is highest when he wakes up...he is wanting it !... but your Husband needs to accommodate you..and how you feel too..... 

One thing you don't want ... is to start resenting him ...if you feel he is pushing too much.. it's a bad place to be.. when sex becomes a chore.. he wouldn't want this either....With a sex drive THIS hIGH... he should be doing some self serving .. if you need a break.... so when you do come together... it's mutually very pleasurable for you both..


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

jorgegene said:


> "Am I being unreasonable?" no
> 
> 
> "Is he being unreasonable?" yes


:iagree::iagree:



richardsharpe said:


> You are doing an awful lot for him. That might be OK if he is also doing an awful lot for you, but is he?


So what does he do for you in return? I'm never a fan of one-sided sex. It's very inconsiderate.


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## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

In response...I think there are a lot of things going on in our situation, but it is good to get some support and confirmation that I'm not completely out of line.

I am having trouble expressing the unappealing/no shower issue because I don't want to be mean or insulting...I don't want to keep saying that I don't want that in my mouth first thing in the morning. Why can't he just back off?!

My own pleasure...yes, I am starting to feel a little resentment creeping in, because I feel like it's all about his pleasure. I'm the "LD" but I hate labeling myself that because I like sex and I'm open to new things and I do my best to keep up with him (frequency, bj's which I know he really likes). But I feel his drive is really pretty high compared with my previous partners. I mean, needing 3 orgasms every time we have sex...i had never encountered that and didn't realize it was possible for men. I want him to work harder to make things interesting and fun for me! Otherwise I start to feel like sex is work, and I don't think it's fair to me. I wish he'd see that I need some romance and pleasure and generosity from him...I feel like I'm running on empty.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

PenguinCat said:


> In response...I think there are a lot of things going on in our situation, but it is good to get some support and confirmation that I'm not completely out of line.
> 
> I am having trouble expressing the unappealing/no shower issue because I don't want to be mean or insulting...I don't want to keep saying that I don't want that in my mouth first thing in the morning. Why can't he just back off?!
> 
> My own pleasure...yes, I am starting to feel a little resentment creeping in, because I feel like it's all about his pleasure. I'm the "LD" but I hate labeling myself that because I like sex and I'm open to new things and I do my best to keep up with him (frequency, bj's which I know he really likes). But I feel his drive is really pretty high compared with my previous partners. I mean, needing 3 orgasms every time we have sex...i had never encountered that and didn't realize it was possible for men. I want him to work harder to make things interesting and fun for me! Otherwise I start to feel like sex is work, and I don't think it's fair to me. I wish he'd see that I need some romance and pleasure and generosity from him...I feel like I'm running on empty.


Can't blame you. I think any of us women would feel the same exact way.


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## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

I think also the thing that's bothering me here is that I don't like having sex "rules." I don't want to be a rigid person who's always saying no. But I don't think I am rigid--I just don't like the morning bj and it's unpleasant enough that I feel like it's ok to have rule. But now I feel dh thinks this "rule" is an example of how I'm too uptight or limiting his pleasure.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

PenguinCat said:


> I think also the thing that's bothering me here is that I don't like having sex "rules." I don't want to be a rigid person who's always saying no. But I don't think I am rigid--I just don't like the morning bj and it's unpleasant enough that I feel like it's ok to have rule. But now I feel dh thinks this "rule" is an example of how I'm too uptight or limiting his pleasure.


Have him read this thread. From what you've said, you're sexual, accommodating, loving, but not a doormat in bed. Nothing wrong with that! You're allowed to have your own preferences. I'm not a man, but I bet most men here would be more than happy with the sex life you're willing to provide.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I love sex and BJ in the morning. I'm extremely sensitive then and it feels incredible. Will he compromise on sex in the morning and not the BJ part or maybe just on a rare occasion for that?


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## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

WOW. I am very jealous... I can even have sex let along get one BJ in the last 3 months... Gosh , You are putting a lot in perspective. I would probably make 10 times what I make today if I was having sex with my wife and she liked it ..even 3 times per week...

Perhaps I need to by myself some toys for me self to drive the POINT home , I really dont know what to do - but your POST has definitely woken me up to what is POSSIBLE !! 

ARGHHHHH


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

PenguinCat said:


> In response...I think there are a lot of things going on in our situation, but it is good to get some support and confirmation that I'm not completely out of line.
> 
> I am having trouble expressing the unappealing/no shower issue because I don't want to be mean or insulting...I don't want to keep saying that I don't want that in my mouth first thing in the morning. Why can't he just back off?!


He could back off because you've already told him your preference, but he obviously hasn't and won't. You really, really have to tell him how you feel about this and why. You're going to spend your life with this man? You have to tell him the truth - "I don't like giving bj's first thing in the morning when you aren't fresh from the shower, and there is nothing sexy about it for me. It's a becoming a job I dread rather than fun." 

You can't keep having this tug of war every day. You have to tell him the truth about why you don't like to do it in the morning. 

And it's perfectly ok for you to have preferences and for him to accommodate your preferences as much as you accommodate his! 



> My own pleasure...yes, I am starting to feel a little resentment creeping in, because I feel like it's all about his pleasure. I'm the "LD" but I hate labeling myself that because I like sex and I'm open to new things and I do my best to keep up with him (frequency, bj's which I know he really likes). But I feel his drive is really pretty high compared with my previous partners. I mean, needing 3 orgasms every time we have sex...i had never encountered that and didn't realize it was possible for men. I want him to work harder to make things interesting and fun for me! Otherwise I start to feel like sex is work, and I don't think it's fair to me. I wish he'd see that I need some romance and pleasure and generosity from him...I feel like I'm running on empty.


Again, if you are to spend the rest of your life with this man, you have to tell him all of that. He needs to understand how you're feeling, otherwise he has no chance of meeting your needs better. 

Marriage is a two-way street. You have a say in your own sex life. The more you talk, the better you'll understand each other. Ideally, you'll each take that understanding and be more accommodating. You are currently doing a majority of the accommodating. It's not sustainable. It only gets worse unless you nip it in the bud. Open it up for discussion with him. Give him a chance to work it out so you're happier.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

I am with you, no shower the night before, no BJ in the morning. Simple, he loves oral in the morning.....take a dang shower so it's fresh! Speak up but overall you sound like a woman that tries to please her man.


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## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

How do you get sex every day and a BJ every day . How old are you - what is the secret .. GOSH !!


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

happybuddha said:


> How do you get sex every day and a BJ every day . How old are you - what is the secret .. GOSH !!


I want to know what medication, diet, fitness regimen that your husband is on so I can give it to my H. Geez, please let me know. Lol, he needs to publish a book or at least a pamphlet.


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## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

I I want to know how to get my wife to want sex...more...we only have it once every 3 weeks


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

happybuddha said:


> I I want to know how to get my wife to want sex...more...we only have it once every 3 weeks


Become the best man you can be. Hit the gym. Excel at work. Treat her well. After you have whipped yourself into shape, take her out for a nice evening. Then come home and throw her on the bed and give her a good ride. If she isn't interested in enjoying the ride despite your pattern of overall improvement, file for divorce and use the new and improved you to find a woman who is. Then you'll have a wife who wants more sex. Might not be the same wife, but it will be your wife.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I Feel the same way, I prefer to do it in the evening too, but like you i occasionally will give in the morning if he really wants it, he knows i prefer it in the evening tho, so he only asks on a vary rare occasion to which i oblige.

No hes not being unreasonable, but i do understand where your coming from.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

happybuddha said:


> How do you get sex every day and a BJ every day . How old are you - what is the secret .. GOSH !!


Just picking well and treating well is the secret. Plenty of women like and enjoy sex. Just have to find them :smthumbup:


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Just picking well and treating well is the secret. Plenty of women like and enjoy sex. Just have to find them :smthumbup:


yes


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## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

He should be happy getting a blow job period ...i haven't had one in probably a year ...

i am super clean...I'm having issues just even getting to sex.....

i wish i had his issues ....lol


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Just picking well and treating well is the secret. Plenty of women like and enjoy sex. Just have to find them :smthumbup:


 :iagree:


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Wanting three orgasms a day does seem excessive. It would be tiring even for HD me!

He should consider himself lucky that he gets a blowjob sometime in the day! I've got just half a blowjob in two decades of a partnership ... though I'm ready and willing (and do give her) to give oral sex anytime she wants it...



PenguinCat said:


> Married 11 years, 3 kids, early 40s. My husband has a very high drive, and he wants multiple orgasms, like 3, every time we have sex. That's a source of tension, but it's kind of a separate issue (which I've posted about before). We don't always have time or energy for this in the evenings. So now, we are having more sex in the mornings. I am not usually much in the mood and would rather get some extra sleep, but I try to get into it for his sake. The one thing I really dislike in the morning is giving him a bj. It's not appealing or sexy, and he needs a shower and I'm usually too thirsty to really do it properly--it's just dry and unpleasant. I've told him this many times (in more gentle terms, usually) and I'm happy to give him a bj in the evening. I do it almost every time we have sex in the evening. But he keeps asking in the morning, and I feel like a jerk for saying no, and I'm also getting angry that he won't back off that issue. He does have 1-2 orgasms from intercourse if we have a morning encounter, so it's not like I'm coldly rejecting him. Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable?


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