# H hit me by accident - now he won't touch me??



## Little Bird (Jan 16, 2012)

Hi guys - I have a problem 

My H tends to get very excited/aggitated/passionate/agressive about his work all at once. I have no problem with this - his 'fire' is partly what makes him so attractive 

On Friday night he was on the phone having a very heated debate with some guys from work. It ended badly and I saw he was upset so I went to hug him from behind, but he was literally just about to pound the table and ended up hitting me instead when he turned around.

It wasn't that bad to be honest (my nose (surprisingly) didn't break or anything) but I did cry a bit because it hurt like hell. But nothing hurt more than seeing the pure horror in his eyes when he saw what happened 

Ever since I feel like he is tip-toeing around me. He hasn't touched me either (which is ridiculous for us!!) aside from holding my hand earlier while we were out this morning, but even then I think that's just habit. Seriously though, aside from when it's that time of month, we have sex pretty much daily... and now nothing for a week?!


Although I'm hoping none of you have ever accidentally punched your lady - does anyone have any idea how to fix this??

I don't know if I should bring it up again or if that would make it worse. Please someone give me some advice on how to make him feel better? I've already told him that it's okay and I'm okay etc etc..

Thanks to anyone who reads/responds 

EDIT: btw that's last friday, not the one that just went... You see people, a week and two days and no action 

Oh and I have come onto him and been flirty as usual but he just hugs me gently or takes my hands or something. Or goes to get me something from the kitchen I didn't even ask for...


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

I'm not a guy so I don't have any real advice, I just want to say that the same thing has happened to me. Dh and I were play fighting (he's a wrestler) and his hand slipped and he punched me in the lip. It really hurt and it swelled up, but it was an accident. He felt bad so I played it off as a joke.

Your DH is probably beating himself up and feels like an ogre. Have a sit down talk with him, reassure him that you KNOW it was an accident and that people get bumped and banged around the house all the time, you're no angrier with him than you would be with the coffee table if you'd caught your shin on it.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Tell him you love him and his passion and know it was an accident and need him to get back to normal because the awkwardness he is feeling is scaring you. He is beating himself up and feels very guilty. Dont let it go on any longer.


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## Little Bird (Jan 16, 2012)

Thanks LadyOfTheLake (love your avatar by the way haha) and Mr Used To Know.

I did tell him several times that I wasn't upset with him at all and that I knew it was a complete accident.

Ugh, I don't ever want him to feel like an ogre because of me  He has always been my man, always been protective of me, and now he just wants to keep his distance 

Maybe I'll try to talk to him about this tomorrow night after work. Sigh...


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Hurting someone you love is hard to come to terms with even if it is an accident.

During our summer holiday in 2011 I was laying on a sun bed at the side of the pool. My wife came back from the bar with a round of cold drinks and as I was sleeping thought it would be "funny" to pop an ice cube down the front of my swim short. She had not counted on my reaction. In shock I sat bolt upright and in the process "head butted" her on the side of her head which knocked her out cold. The life guard who (along with 50 odd people in / around the pool) had seen this happen grabbed his first aid kit and ran over. After a quick sniff of smelling salt my wife came around to see the crowd that had gathered, luckily there was no concussion or broken bones (I have always said my wife is nearly as hard headed as I).

Needless to say I was appalled by what I had done.

OP Just give your husband time to come to terms with this as he is obviously (rightly or wrongly) blaming himself for the pain he caused you.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

> he hasn't touched me either (which is ridiculous for us!!) aside from holding my hand earlier while we were out this morning, but even then I think that's just habit.


This kind of threw me off a bit... (Seems like contradictory messages?)

Anyhow, yes, my husband has hit me by accident and then avoided touching me afterwards, but I am sure for reasons different than your husband's reasons. Perhaps your husband is upset with himself and feeling guilty and he's withdrawn without realizing it? Have you talked to him about what happened?

If he frequently goes to punch something (you or not) when he's upset I'd be very put off by this behavior. It seems impulsive and intimidating... But you know him better than I do...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Anyhow, yes, my husband has hit me by accident and then avoided touching me afterwards, but I am sure for reasons different than your husband's reasons. Perhaps your husband is upset with himself and feeling guilty and he's withdrawn without realizing it? Have you talked to him about what happened?_Posted via Mobile Device_


The withdrawing may be him subconsciously punishing himself. He feels he did wrong and does not deserve to be able to touch you.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> The withdrawing may be him subconsciously punishing himself. He feels he did wrong and does not deserve to be able to touch you.


This is what I feel for OP's husband.

MY husband is a jerk. He hit me by accident, and then afterwards refused to touch me because he was "afraid" he was going to hurt me again somehow. It was an act to deliberately inflict more harm. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Maybe he's freaked out that his excited/agitated/aggressive work behavior had an impact on his personal life. Maybe he feels out of control as a result. That's a lousy feeling that could continue to affect him.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

He's probably still a bit freaked out. I'm sure he'll get over it with time.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Little Bird said:


> Hi guys - I have a problem
> 
> My H tends to get very excited/aggitated/passionate/agressive about his work all at once. I have no problem with this - his 'fire' is partly what makes him so attractive
> 
> ...


Don't know what to say. I've never done that with my wife but it did happen with my oldest daughter. She was taking karate and we were playing around with kicks. I caught the back of her leg and she fell down hard. Hard enough that she cried and she never cries. I think she was stunned as much as she hurt. She looked scared and confused and I had to assure her that I never intended for that to happen. Since I come from a home with an abusive mother, it KILLED me that I had hurt her even by accident. That was a while ago and I still feel terrible about it. She is such an angel and the thought of that look on her face and those tears still breaks my heart. I am now REALLY careful when I roughhouse with her and we don't play pretend karate anymore, lol.

He probably feels terrible, doesn't know how to express it and is completely embarrassed. That's how I would feel anyway. 

As far as the sex goes, maybe he's embarrassed enough to pull away from you a bit. I've only had sex with my wife once this year so I am no expert on that apparently


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

Perhaps you could ask him why he is continuing to punish you (withholding sex) for his accident. Or you might tell him that you need the reassurance of intimacy to confirm it was, in fact, an accident and that everything is ok.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

pb76no said:


> Perhaps you could ask him why he is continuing to punish you (withholding sex) for his accident. Or you might tell him that you need the reassurance of intimacy to confirm it was, in fact, an accident and that everything is ok.


I am sure he doesn't view it as punishing her. She might feel that way but I'm sure he doesn't realize it can be interpreted that way.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I am sure he doesn't view it as punishing her. She might feel that way but I'm sure he doesn't realize it can be interpreted that way.


That is why I suggested she phrase it this way. I agree with others that he is punishing himself or feels like he doesn't deserve to touch her because he feels guilty. But he doesn't realize this is punishing/hurting her too.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I accidentally hit my XW a few years ago, and gave her a bloody nose on accident. 
And for those of you that know my habits, no, it wasn't in a moment of rage like you might be thinking. We were just getting a little to excited for our own good. 

But after she cleaned up, I was pretty much like your husband. Afraid to touch her for a while. Reason being, I didn't want to hurt her again. I didn't do it to punish her, or make her feel bad. I was just over-correcting
And I think it is in human nature to do this. When you're driving on the highway and your car slightly gets off the road, our first reaction is to whip the steering wheel around and get it back on the road. Doing this though makes it worse, as you'll more likely than not send your can into a spin, and likely crash into something. It is better to just ride it out until you can regain control and get back on the road. 

I was afraid to discuss it with her also. Walking on egg-shells with her the first few days after I remember. 
But she told me, while yes it did hurt, that I was over reacting. She still liked my playful and aggressive sides, and expected them. And she told me while I was the one who hit her, she felt like the one being punished for it. Made me realize what I was doing was not the way to fix it.


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## 1977hc (Mar 21, 2013)

Assure your husband that the hit was no big deal, and that you understood he wasn't trying to hurt you. I'm sure he's upset at himself. Speaking to him about it and letting him know *you're* okay should help.


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