# BJ questions for those in a LTR 15+ yrs.



## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Do you still get or give stand alone bj's? 
(For the ladies) if you did give them and then eventually stop, why?
(For guys) how long into the relationship did they stop? 

Just so I don't get attacked here, I give my wife oral whenever possible (stand alone) but stand alone bj's are about as common as a honest politician. 
What say you?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

All the time - several per week. 30+ years together.

But only because I changed the dynamic in my relationship. Great marriage and all... but over time we had less intimacy and I allowed it... accepted her fatigue, etc. All the reasons were very common and very valid, but that doesn't mean my needs were being met.

I joined TAM to have a better marriage - to figure out how to fall in love again - recapture the passionate love which had waned a bit and had been replaced by LTR love. We were still each other's best friend, confidant, etc.

But then I read His Needs Her Needs after reading about it for the millionth time by the HNHN pushers here  and I realized a couple of things: it's ok to have needs, and it's OK to be forceful about getting your needs met (and of course soliciting your partners needs and fulfilling them).

I found it really helpful to read that having a sexy, attractive wife was such a common need. And sex was #1. So I worked with my W to help her see these weren't just crass or unimportant things. They are as important as having a H who is a financial provider and an emotionally available and supportive partner.

Sorry for the long indirect answer, but you should know that it's ok to make this your #1 need if it actually is. And consider HNHN as a way to convey it to your W.

Btw I was lucky because this is her favorite sex act. She has finally let me go down on her a few times and is finally opening up that way too.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Well, I rarely offer a stand alone BJ. Long story shortened considerably, resentment.

If your wife used to offer them and has stopped, she's not feeling very loving toward you. That's really the bottom line.

Why doesn't your wife feel very loving toward you?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

What's a bj? Baggy jeans?

I hate it when the wife wears those!!!!!


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Honestly, I've never really offered any of my partners regular stand alone bjs. 

I do offer them to H...but they're only once every few months or so. My reasons are physical discomfort. I'd probably do it more often but it takes him longer to orgasm than my face can handle. Lots of foreplay bjs but not many stand alones. It is what it is.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Still lots of oral after 16 years. Wife has insomnia, and wakes up about 2am most nights and has to take medication to get more sleep. Lately, she's woken me with BJs to completion - which occasionally turns into other things if she's in the mood. So, 10 BJs in the past 14 nights - and even before this new treat, they were common at other times.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Well, I rarely offer a stand alone BJ. Long story shortened considerably, resentment.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Actually my wife is very loving toward me. There are a lot of foreplay bj's and oral for her, it's just the stand alone ones are quickly fading from memory. 
Sex wise we are anywhere from 2-6x/wk multiple position anal etc. 

What I find funny is she says she hates shopping and loves giving head but I rarely get them and she comes home almost everyday with bags of things from various places. Go figure.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Married 27 years and yes we each do stand alone oral to each other. My husband has ED so he isn't always able to perform for PIV so oral sex is the next best thing. He came home from work for lunch last week and we were sitting on the couch and I decided to unzip his pants and give him a BJ. He can't do it to completion because he doesn't get hard but he enjoyed it anyway

What does your wife say when you have asked her to give you a BJ? I don't think your situation is that unusual, I notice a lot of posts here where men complain they don't get BJ's from their wife but do give their wife oral. Not very fair IMHO.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Happilymarried25 said:


> Married 27 years and yes we each do stand alone oral to each other. My husband has ED so he isn't always able to perform for PIV so oral sex is the next best thing. He came home from work for lunch last week and we were sitting on the couch and I decided to unzip his pants and give him a BJ. He can't do it to completion because he doesn't get hard but he enjoyed it anyway
> 
> 
> 
> What does your wife say when you have asked her to give you a BJ? I don't think your situation is that unusual, I notice a lot of posts here where men complain they don't get BJ's from their wife but do give their wife oral. Not very fair IMHO.



I won't ask for a bj anymore. If she doesn't want to do it of her own accord, that tells me all I need to know.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I could count the stand alone BJ's on one hand and I've been married 22 years now. 

But that is very much my choice. I love giving my wife pleasure WAYYYY too much to ever have a stand alone BJ. Pretty much every time I've ever gotten a BJ, it is proceeded and / or followed by me going down on her and PIV will follow too. I don't get the appeal of a stand alone BJ; why wouldn't I want to not give her any fun?

When we've been time pressed I've given her a stand alone oral orgasm, but I'll only do that when I know I'll be able to follow up with my own fun within a few hours.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Regular occurrence around here for both of us. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

I stopped because the favour was never ever reciprocated.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

Still get them after almost 40 years!

Best ones are by surprise and when I least expect it.
(Good things can happen when you are laying under the pickup changing the oil filter)

I make it a point to get more than even!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

thenub said:


> Do you still get or give stand alone bj's?
> (For the ladies) if you did give them and then eventually stop, why?
> (For guys) how long into the relationship did they stop?


For some reason my wife does not mind giving BJs, so I can get one anytime I ask. I don't like them though because I somehow end up having to take my wife shopping just afterwards for stuff she wants done to the landscaping.

Badsanta


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I know I will miss them. Whaaa!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

thenub said:


> I won't ask for a bj anymore. If she doesn't want to do it of her own accord, that tells me all I need to know.


You have what most would consider an awesome sex life. Why are you focusing so much energy on getting a stand alone bj? Are you getting bored with the high quality and adventuresome sex you have 2-6 X per week? Are you a goal oriented person and getting stand alone bjs is a sexual challenge?


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Lila said:


> You have what most would consider an awesome sex life. Why are you focusing so much energy on getting a stand alone bj? Are you getting bored with the high quality and adventuresome sex you have 2-6 X per week? Are you a goal oriented person and getting stand alone bjs is a sexual challenge?




I wouldn't say I'm focusing a lot of energy in stand alone bj's. We've been together for over 30 years. In the first 15-20yrs, stand alone bj's were quite common. Now? I would have a better chance of finding a dandelion at the North Pole. 
I'm just curious as to why they stopped.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

thenub said:


> I'm just curious as to why they stopped.


Then ask your wife...


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

My wife didn't get started giving me BJ's for about 5 years after we were married. Didn't slow me down from doing oral on her mind you.

Glad she hasn't slowed down or stopped since!!!

:grin2:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Still lots of oral after 16 years. Wife has insomnia, and wakes up about 2am most nights and has to take medication to get more sleep. Lately, she's woken me with BJs to completion - which occasionally turns into other things if she's in the mood. So, 10 BJs in the past 14 nights - and even before this new treat, they were common at other times.


*My goodness! I do believe that if I could have gotten oral attention like that, I would have been literally force-feeding No-Doz to my old lady!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Capster (Jun 10, 2014)

I was on the same mission a couple of years ago after 25 years and a wife who said that she would never do them. Then I read a book that said this happens all the time, but those same women, if they engage in an affair, would suck their AP dry. It was a wakeup call that perhaps she was not in to me enough.

I read MMSLP, NMMNG, WAH, and others. I got into peak physical shape, took her on exciting dates, became more alpha in the bedroom and outside, and kept a confident frame. Anyhow, I took it in stages, with great success. I got these oral strips to mask the taste, but she doesn't even use those any more for the most part.

Now I get several per week. This after just two years ago her saying that it will never happen! Women...


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

thenub said:


> Do you still get or give stand alone bj's?
> (For the ladies) if you did give them and then eventually stop, why?
> (For guys) *how long into the relationship did they stop?
> *
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Some where between the beginning and the end of the walk down the aisle.


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

anonmd said:


> Some where between the beginning and the end of the walk down the aisle.



LOL, I have to agree with you on that..


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

anonmd said:


> Some where between the beginning and the end of the walk down the aisle.


I would have paid money to go to that wedding.


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## Capster (Jun 10, 2014)

What have you done thus far to try to get them into the rotation?


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Capster said:


> What have you done thus far to try to get them into the rotation?




Not really sure what you mean. During foreplay, a bj is almost a given. Stand alone bj's are all but extinct. 
I will not ask (actions, not words) her why they stopped. I give her stand alone oral in a ratio of at least 60:1 
Maybe I better cut back a little.


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## Capster (Jun 10, 2014)

thenub said:


> Not really sure what you mean. During foreplay, a bj is almost a given. Stand alone bj's are all but extinct.
> I will not ask (actions, not words) her why they stopped. I give her stand alone oral in a ratio of at least 60:1
> Maybe I better cut back a little.


As in have you let yourself go (weight, belly) over the past 15 years? Do you plan exciting dates? Any alcohol or anger issues? Do you flirt with her? Do you have a solid frame and not get angry or mopey? Are you alpha in the bedroom? 

It may be her, but before you can work on her, you have to make sure your **** is together.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

thenub said:


> Not really sure what you mean. During foreplay, a bj is almost a given. Stand alone bj's are all but extinct.
> I will not ask (actions, not words) her why they stopped. I give her stand alone oral in a ratio of at least 60:1
> Maybe I better cut back a little.


See, I don't understand not communicating your desires with your spouse. How else is she going to know you want this? She can't read your mind. In that same vein, how are you going to know her reasons for not doing it if you don't ask? 

Regarding cutting back on oral for her. ...I guess it depends on your reasons for doing it in the first place. Is this a covert contact on your part? Are you giving her oral expecting her to return the favor? Or are you doing it because you enjoy doing it and it's something that nets you positive bonding experiences with your wife? Make sure you don't cut back on something that's netting you gains in other places (i.e. Lots of adventurous sex).


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I still get BJs frequently and always have (been in relationship for approx 19yrs and married approx 14yrs). Most times it is part of foreplay (so not to completion which honestly that is how I would prefer it). Quite honestly, as long as my W is capable of having sex (i.e not on her period) I much rather have all kinds of fun with that then just get a standalone BJ.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Quote:
Originally Posted by thenub View Post
I wouldn't say I'm focusing a lot of energy in stand alone bj's. We've been together for over 30 years. In the first 15-20yrs, stand alone bj's were quite common. Now? I would have a better chance of finding a dandelion at the North Pole. 
I'm just curious as to why they stopped.
OMG I replied again, I'll delete this, but not without leaving you awkward notifications that I have quoted you and then deleted my messages!


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

25 year marriage and I get a BJ every time we have sex, averaging twice per week. BJTC once a month when she is on her period. I love my wife.

BTW- She gets better at it every year. Compared to 25 years ago, she's a porn star.

I just got a twinge in my pee pee


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

thenub said:


> Not really sure what you mean. During foreplay, a bj is almost a given. Stand alone bj's are all but extinct.
> I will not ask (actions, not words) her why they stopped. I give her stand alone oral in a ratio of at least 60:1
> Maybe I better cut back a little.


On thing I did notice was the more animated I am, the more I show my pleasure, the more she is into it.
If I thrash and moan and scream it's almost like she enjoys as much as I do. If I just sit there and concentrate (like I used to do) it's not very interesting for her.

Just something to think about.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

UMP said:


> On thing I did notice was the more animated I am, the more I show my pleasure, the more she is into it.
> If I thrash and moan and scream it's almost like she enjoys as much as I do. If I just sit there and concentrate (like I used to do) it's not very interesting for her.
> 
> Just something to think about.


Well, not sure "thrashing" is the best option for the female in this case lol. 

I try to make it known that I am enjoying it, but obviously not over the top


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Capster said:


> As in have you let yourself go (weight, belly) over the past 15 years? Do you plan exciting dates? Any alcohol or anger issues? Do you flirt with her? Do you have a solid frame and not get angry or mopey? Are you alpha in the bedroom?
> 
> 
> 
> It may be her, but before you can work on her, you have to make sure your **** is together.




I'm actually in better shape now than I was 20 years ago. I lift 3x/week, don't drink, eat heathy, flirt (with her) take care of things around the house good hygiene etc. 
some say I should ask why they stopped. Maybe she should have said they were going to stop? 
We still have great sex (lots of it) I just wanted a perspective of why they would stop, that's all. I want her to do it because she wants to, not because she is asked too. She did it for years then stopped. It's by no means a deal breaker or something to spend every waking moment thinking about that's for sure. I was just looking for insight, nothing more.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

thenub said:


> I'm actually in better shape now than I was 20 years ago. I lift 3x/week, don't drink, eat heathy, flirt (with her) take care of things around the house good hygiene etc.
> some say I should ask why they stopped. Maybe she should have said they were going to stop?
> We still have great sex (lots of it) I just wanted a perspective of why they would stop, that's all. I want her to do it because she wants to, not because she is asked too. She did it for years then stopped. It's by no means a deal breaker or something to spend every waking moment thinking about that's for sure. I was just looking for insight, nothing more.


So you haven't asked her why they stopped  Seems like she would provide you the most relevant insight into this


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Well, not sure "thrashing" is the best option for the female in this case lol.
> 
> I try to make it known that I am enjoying it, but obviously not over the top


I have the ability to thrash my entire body while keeping my penis completely still 
I really do get "over the top." Why not? Hell, it's a lot of work for her. Why not show her how wonderful it is. 
Have a look at any German porn and see how guttural the German men get while receiving BJ's. It sounds like some real cave man stuff.

I want my wife to know, in no uncertain terms, that I cannot begin to express how wonderful a BJTC is for me.

The more I express, the better she gets, the better the BJ.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

UMP said:


> I have the ability to thrash my entire body while keeping my penis completely still
> *I really do get "over the top." Why not? * Hell, it's a lot of work for her. Why not show her how wonderful it is.
> Have a look at any German porn and see how guttural the German men get while receiving BJ's. It sounds like some real cave man stuff.
> 
> ...


Just depends, to me it is pointless if I am just acting for the sake of acting. No different, I obviously want to see my wife enjoying things, but I don't need her moaning like she is in labor or putting on a show just for me. If anything I find that to be a turn off.


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## Capster (Jun 10, 2014)

thenub said:


> I'm actually in better shape now than I was 20 years ago. I lift 3x/week, don't drink, eat heathy, flirt (with her) take care of things around the house good hygiene etc.
> some say I should ask why they stopped. Maybe she should have said they were going to stop?
> We still have great sex (lots of it) I just wanted a perspective of why they would stop, that's all. I want her to do it because she wants to, not because she is asked too. She did it for years then stopped. It's by no means a deal breaker or something to spend every waking moment thinking about that's for sure. I was just looking for insight, nothing more.


I agree, don't ask why they stopped. But you can let it be known that you'd like to get BJTC's back into the rotation.

Two things I did, which I mentioned in another thread recently. First, I initiated just about every night. Solid initiations at that. So very soon it got to the point that she would initiate a BJ for me proactively just because she didn't want to PIV that night. Secondly, I told her several things I wanted to do. I knew she wouldn't do the other two things, so the BJ seemed the lesser egregious one! Just some thoughts.

One other thing comes to mind. I got these oral strips (masks the flavor). Interestingly she used them in the beginning, but now pretty much doesn't bother with them any more.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Just depends, to me it is pointless if I am just acting for the sake of acting. No different, I obviously want to see my wife enjoying things, but I don't need her moaning like she is in labor or putting on a show just for me. If anything I find that to be a turn off.


Honestly, I am not acting at all. It really does feel that good. I am, however, not holding back how I feel. In the past I would just sit there and concentrate on my orgasm. Now, I talk to her and really get into it. It's something I had to learn how to do. It's against my nature. I am typically very withdrawn and do not show much emotion.

Speak of the devil, the best BJ I ever had was this past Tuesday. I got so into it that I was bear hugging her entire lower body toward me in pleasure. When I started to cum I could feel her body convulsing with mine. Afterward, she told me she felt like she "just had sex."
Can't get much better than that.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

UMP said:


> I want my wife to know, in no uncertain terms, that I cannot begin to express how wonderful a BJTC is for me.
> 
> The more I express, the better she gets, the better the BJ.


I find the same things to be true. And we both keep trying new variations on each other so we also give feedback on any improvements we want to have continue. We take very, very good care of each other! And as great as intercourse is for us both (she can orgasm from PiV), just like oral and manual are often much more focused and intense for her, a BJTC is about 10x more intense, and she can make it last about 10x as long as a PiV orgasm.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

UMP said:


> Honestly, I am not acting at all. It really does feel that good. I am, however, not holding back how I feel. In the past I would just sit there and concentrate on my orgasm. Now, I talk to her and really get into it. It's something I had to learn how to do. It's against my nature. I am typically very withdrawn and do not show much emotion.
> .


Makes sense, I guess just stating "over the top" though does imply that there is some acting involve. I am not one to judge though, if that works for you guys more power to you since really that is all that matters. I just hope you don't have any neighbors really close by :grin2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

@thenub,

When you got married, did you sign up for the BJ Protection Plus Plan, this probably would have resolved the issue before it ever became an issue :grin2:


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

UMP said:


> On thing I did notice was the more animated I am, the more I show my pleasure, the more she is into it.
> If I thrash and moan and scream it's almost like she enjoys as much as I do. If I just sit there and concentrate (like I used to do) it's not very interesting for her.
> 
> Just something to think about.


This is the best reason I love doing oral on my wife! Those nipple hardening leg quivering hump my face orgasms she has, spectacular, and drives me crazy!! 

I don't think I'm so animated when she does me, but she disagrees! 

:grin2:


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
My wife used to give me one for my birthday (always followed by me giving her an O somehow) , but a while ago told me that she thought they were disgusting and somewhat abusive. 

I give her oral whenever she wants and am happy to do so. She never wants stand alone oral, and very rarely wants me to give her an O that way.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Makes sense, I guess just stating "over the top" though does imply that there is some acting involve. I am not one to judge though, if that works for you guys more power to you since really that is all that matters. I just hope you don't have any neighbors really close by :grin2:


At first it was kind of "fake it till you make it" when our sex life was in the toilet. Now, it is natural but requires me to let go of my inhibitions. I find that a few glasses of wine does help. 

Funny thing is we live on a 24 acre farm in the country. My closest neighbor is 300 yards away. Actually, you can hear things better in the country. If I am outside on a quite night I can hear people talking 300 yards away. It's amazing.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

UMP said:


> Funny thing is we live on a 24 acre farm in the country. My closest neighbor is 300 yards away. Actually, you can hear things better in the country. If I am outside on a quite night I can hear people talking 300 yards away. It's amazing.


Whoa....good thing we are over a mile away from our closest neighbors!
We 'play' a lot in the yard, and they would sure get an earful if closer. 

:surprise:


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Still lots of oral after 16 years. Wife has insomnia, and wakes up about 2am most nights and has to take medication to get more sleep. Lately, she's woken me with BJs to completion - which occasionally turns into other things if she's in the mood. So, 10 BJs in the past 14 nights - and even before this new treat, they were common at other times.


Nothing personal but just had to let you know I hate you now that you pointed out just how unfair life truly is. (just kidding, but very, very envious).


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

bankshot1993 said:


> Nothing personal but just had to let you know I hate you now that you pointed out just how unfair life truly is. (just kidding, but very, very envious).


 @bankshot1993, given that my first marriage was sexless for 24 years, I'm just lucky to now have a chance to make up for lost time. That marriage wasn't fair either - but would you want to pay that price, not knowing what the future might bring?


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> @bankshot1993, given that my first marriage was sexless for 24 years, I'm just lucky to now have a chance to make up for lost time. That marriage wasn't fair either - but would you want to pay that price, not knowing what the future might bring?


no, probably not. But truth be told I sort of feel like I a couple years into that bus ride myself so I can relate (partially).


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

So you mentioned you give her oral 60:1 ratio? Like you give her oral and get nothing in return at all...no sex, no oral, no anal...nada...

(where the hell are all of these men that do standalone oral on women? wth?)

You also mentioned that she gives a BJ every time you have sex. 

You also mentioned that you guys are pretty frequent with sex 2-6 times a week.

You also mentioned that you guys do anal. 

I'm not saying you shouldn't want standalone Bj's, but it doesn't seem like your sex life is suffering here. 

A big thing I notice here a lot is that if someone (man or woman) is getting a list of stuff sexually, but they aren't getting ONE thing - they focus so much on that one thing that it starts to erode the rest of the relationship a little. 

You refuse to talk to your W so this whole conversation is mute because all we can do is assume a million different reasons. 

* Maybe she picks up on the fact that you are complaining about BJs even though she does everything else for you sexually. Which can be super annoying by the way. Not a turn on to complain about something when you're already getting a lot. She is making an effort to please you in other ways. 
*Maybe over time, she hasn't enjoyed the taste.
*Maybe she thinks you smell? - sorry, but sometimes it does happen, even to the best/cleanest of people. 
*Maybe she is mad at you??
*Maybe she thinks it's too much work and it hurts her now because she's aged?

The point is....WE don't know anything. YOU have to ask HER. That's the only way you'll know.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

staarz21 said:


> (where the hell are all of these men that do standalone oral on women? wth?)


Word! I've seen a whole lotta talk, but ain't never seen that walk.

Genuinely curious about average stats on this.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

(where the hell are all of these men that do standalone oral on women? wth?)



always_alone said:


> Word! I've seen a whole lotta talk, but ain't never seen that walk.
> 
> Genuinely curious about average stats on this.


Hey....we are out there!

Last weekend I did just that! I was sitting on the bathroom floor, in wait of my wife to come out of the shower! (Something I do quite regularly) 
Come out of the shower being the key phrase here!
I always have to hold her up with my face when she O's, a lot of fun. When she was done, I took care of myself all over her, since she was heading back into the shower anyway! 

:grin2:

(So there. That's one!)


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Its really hard to know. Hard to get fair numbers, hard to know if people are telling the truth, hard to know if they really would do what they say they would do. 

I've offered my wife stand along oral any time she ever wants - I've told her it would be fun (which it would), but she has never taken me up on it. She does get oral as part of sex whenever she wants. 

My wife won't do oral, but I know there are women who will, and some who are perfectly happy to do a stand along BJ - as part of an overall happy passionate relationship. 

There is just a huge variation in human sexual behavior. 





always_alone said:


> Word! I've seen a whole lotta talk, but ain't never seen that walk.
> 
> Genuinely curious about average stats on this.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Lurkster said:


> When she was done, I took care of myself all over her, since she was heading back into the shower anyway!
> 
> :grin2:
> 
> (So there. That's one!)


Not sure it counts as standalone when you add this part. :scratchhead:

Close, though.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

staarz21 said:


> So you mentioned you give her oral 60:1 ratio? Like you give her oral and get nothing in return at all...no sex, no oral, no anal...nada...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Actually sex 2-6 times a week I'll get a bj or 69 during sex (multiple positions and anal every now and then. Sometimes she wants me to shoot all over her breasts or a$$ sometimes she'll swallow it mostly I ejaculate in her. 

We have a standing agreement. If she wears a sun dress without panties, I'll give her oral. Since I told I would do that, she has purchased 4 sundresses. I'll go down on her 3-5 times a day if she wears them. I guess that's why she hates winter so much. I have always loved to yodel in the gully.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

22nd year of marriage, they have not stopped. However, I have never expected a stand alone bj, it's just part of foreplay. I'm cool with it, since I don't usually climax from a bj or it just takes too long. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

always_alone said:


> Word! I've seen a whole lotta talk, but ain't never seen that walk.
> 
> Genuinely curious about average stats on this.


I'll ask my wife if you can watch next time.:smile2:


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *My goodness! I do believe that if I could have gotten oral attention like that, I would have been literally force-feeding No-Doz to my old lady!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hahaha! Mr Frusdil confessed to having taken care of himself by hand i the middle of the night a couple of times...I was like "Wtf? Why didn't you wake me up??", I was very put out that I didn't get to join in the fun 

He wakes me up now


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Married 20 years and I don't get BJs, either stand alone or otherwise.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

frusdil said:


> Hahaha! Mr Frusdil confessed to having taken care of himself by hand i the middle of the night a couple of times...I was like "Wtf? Why didn't you wake me up??", I was very put out that I didn't get to join in the fun
> 
> He wakes me up now


*I probably would have been like your DH, @frusdil ~ I'm awfully remiss to ever bother anybody, more especially if they are soundly sleeping, for anything!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

staarz21 said:


> (where the hell are all of these men that do standalone oral on women? wth?)


I'm one.

I'll often grab my wife when I get home from work, taker her to the bedroom and have a quick oral session on her. We'll then have more fun later when we go to bed. It leaves both of us so excited that by the time we're headed to bed we're both going crazy for each other.

If we've been having high frequency, I'll also do it before I leave for work. I tend to do that less because it can leave me way too horny during the day.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'm the opposite of the normal story.. started out on the inhibited side.. didn't give BJs -he never asked or seemed to care.... I was never one to orgasm from Oral sex (PIV was what I wanted)... so I never cared about him going down there.. he kept trying but I had hang ups with that.. ..

And , sorry to say.. hang ups with doing him too. ..

Then after all the kids, I had a sex drive increase ... and wham !! that was the end of that !! Then I was wanting to give him more BJ's than he could handle..couldn't keep the mouth away... but I still wanted mine... so this was mainly to get him started...so most weren't stand alone.. but pretty much any day he's up for it.. and I'm out for the count (2 days a month generally)... I WANT TO GO THERE, stand alone & initiated by me.. I love pleasing him...and could kick myself for not being this way for all those years prior.. I feel I missed out... we both missed out.. 

So yeah.. I've gotten better with age.. I've never had any resentment towards my husband.. he did have some towards me years ago, however... when he wanted more sex and I seemed off in la la land trying to conceive.. then one baby after another after another.... 

I've learned my lesson. (We've been together for 34 yrs.. 26 married)


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

together 22 years now, still get several BJs a week and often without me mentioning anything about it. Sometimes she will even just grab me and say "come here for a minute" then drop to her knees and do it. She HATES if I don't let her do it to completion too. Of course, I never have a problem going down on her either. She actually got onto me last night because I went down on her and then we had sex, and she had planned on giving me a BJ but never got the chance.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

happy2gether said:


> together 22 years now, still get several BJs a week and often without me mentioning anything about it. Sometimes she will even just grab me and say "come here for a minute" then drop to her knees and do it. She HATES if I don't let her do it to completion too. Of course, I never have a problem going down on her either. She actually got onto me last night because I went down on her and then we had sex, and she had planned on giving me a BJ but never got the chance.


The surprise oral, or any kind of sex really, is the best kind!

Like being halfway under the pickup on a creeper, and suddenly she's there unzipping my jeans! 

Or me sitting on the floor in the bathroom waiting for her to get out of the shower, with my tongue sticking out!

Or she's leaning out on the front porch rail watching the sun come up, in nothing but a t-shirt! A quick slide, and away I go at her. (easy access)

Up on a ladder, changing light bulbs, and suddenly find myself groped, and my pants around my ankles, and then....

And, it can happen after 30+ years!


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

MotherOfTwo&WifeofOne said:


> I have no problem giving him a BJ prior to sex or standalone ....... and if anything have had initiated them to wake his ass up on a weekend morning


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I dont agree that its ok to be forceful about having your sexual needs met. If my husband was uncomfortable about something that I wanted, I would never pressure him to do it, I love and respect him far too much.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> I dont agree that its ok to be forceful about having your sexual needs met. If my husband was uncomfortable about something that I wanted, I would never pressure him to do it, I love and respect him far too much.


Forceful is a relative term. Explicitly asking for oral us forceful to many couples. Articulating a heartfelt hurt over bit getting ones needs met is often considered forceful.

We are often more honest with strangers than we we with those closest to us.

Sexual needs are as important as emotional needs. Don't minimize them unless you're positive they aren't needs.

[edit] would you be comfortable having a good discussion with your H on the same frequency as a good sexual encounter? Talk as often as having sex? That's the question couples should be having I'd they want to be honest about what they need on a relationship.


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## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

10 yrs ltr and heck yea I woke him up on Friday at 6am started putting lube on him then using his pocket ***** till he was almost there than of course finished myself. I always try to surprise him n do it, but he knows he can always ask too, he does return the favor on occasion but not nearly as much as I do, but I blame myself from beginning of our relationship I wanted to make him feel good so I always fake atleast 3-4 times during sex don't get me wrong he's still seriously the best I ever had n truthfully 7 out of 10 times he does get me off but if n when he gives me oral I Climax every time just wish he did it more

Sent from my C6730 using Tapatalk


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

HEIDI84 said:


> 10 yrs ltr and heck yea I woke him up on Friday at 6am started putting lube on him then using his pocket ***** till he was almost there than of course finished myself. I always try to surprise him n do it, but he knows he can always ask too, he does return the favor on occasion but not nearly as much as I do, but I blame myself from beginning of our relationship I wanted to make him feel good so I always fake atleast 3-4 times during sex don't get me wrong he's still seriously the best I ever had n truthfully 7 out of 10 times he does get me off but if n when he gives me oral I Climax every time just wish he did it more
> 
> Sent from my C6730 using Tapatalk


I think you owe it to him to be more honest and wean off the faking. Let him know you don't always get off with xyz (whatever doesn't float your boat). We're all different sexually - there's no right or wrong. If he's like most guys in a good relationship he'll want to please you and will change what he goes to do that. 

Maybe oral is more effort sometimes and he feels you're getting the same pleasure from other things. If you're not, grab him by the ears and pull him down there







. Bring some chocolate sauce or whipped cream and make a show of dressing his dessert. There are many nonverbal ways to accomplish this if you're initially uncomfortable letting him know where you're at with this. Put a book on your stomach and tell him he'll be "spending some quality time down there and might need a little reading material". Have fun with it. But be hinest


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## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> I think you owe it to him to be more honest and wean off the faking. Let him know you don't always get off with xyz (whatever doesn't float your boat). We're all different sexually - there's no right or wrong. If he's like most guys in a good relationship he'll want to please you and will change what he goes to do that.
> 
> Maybe oral is more effort sometimes and he feels you're getting the same pleasure from other things. If you're not, grab him by the ears and pull him down there . Bring some chocolate sauce or whipped cream and make a show of dressing his dessert. There are many nonverbal ways to accomplish this if you're initially uncomfortable letting him know where you're at with this. Put a book on your stomach and tell him he'll be "spending some quality time down there and might need a little reading material". Have fun with it. But be hinest


Lmao I love it, that book idea is priceless I'm gonna run tonight and grab a kama sutra book lol maybe then he can really focus haha, but honestly even if I don't get off every time it still feels good

Sent from my C6730 using Tapatalk


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## philreag (Apr 2, 2015)

Another reason I obviously married the wrong woman...


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

@heidi84 I have the opposite problem - W wouldn't let me go down in her... finally made progress recently after decades and of course she enjoys it (big surprise right?) but still only a few times so far. She's very sensitive and timid about the whole thing but we're going to stick to it and get her with the program! Meanwhile she still asks to give me a BJ several times a week - that's her favorite - she really loves it so who am I to deny her that pleasure .


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Well, I rarely offer a stand alone BJ. Long story shortened considerably, resentment.
> 
> If your wife used to offer them and has stopped, she's not feeling very loving toward you. That's really the bottom line.
> 
> Why doesn't your wife feel very loving toward you?


I get it that a wife may not be so inclined to give one if she's not feeling all the love that particular time. Hey I wouldn't want a half Azz one either. I'd rather just not get one. 

But same goes for husband. If he's not feeling the love at that moment, he may also not be inclined to perform oral on her. 

But withholding sex or bj's is not the answer. It's communication...

Anyway to answer the post. I've gotten more BJ's from year 15-18 in my marriage. 

I was too beta from years 7-14 to even realize what I was doing wrong. 

And BJ's to complete and finishing where I want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

When I was married never stand alone because he couldn't O that way. Once a week or so as foreplay...


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I feel somewhat embarrassed even admitting this, but he often rejects my offers for bj's. He has to be in the "right mood."


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Fitnessfan said:


> I feel somewhat embarrassed even admitting this, but he often rejects my offers for bj's. He has to be in the "right mood."


OR, he has self serviced that day The unexpected offer can just come at an inconvenient time.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Fitnessfan said:


> I feel somewhat embarrassed even admitting this, but he often rejects my offers for bj's. He has to be in the "right mood."


That sucks! I have no idea what's going on in his head.

Been a very busy few weeks and W has been exhausted so I've been on nightly diet of only standalone BJs for several days. Aunt Flo didn't help last week.

I didn't used to suggest a BJ - HJ was fine - but I realized W kind of needed to be asked then she was always eager. So I gauge her and ask and she is happy to 100% of the time. Strange. Maybe she thought I wanted HJ. Amazing the assumptions we make about our partners.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

staarz21 said:


> So you mentioned you give her oral 60:1 ratio? Like you give her oral and get nothing in return at all...no sex, no oral, no anal...nada...
> 
> (where the hell are all of these men that do standalone oral on women? wth?)





always_alone said:


> Word! I've seen a whole lotta talk, but ain't never seen that walk.
> 
> Genuinely curious about average stats on this.



Hmmm so 30 years married had oral sex as a stand alone on me, once I think. However, as much as I like it I really need to filled before I feel complete.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Fitnessfan said:


> I feel somewhat embarrassed even admitting this, but he often rejects my offers for bj's. He has to be in the "right mood."


*Next time offer to "NOT give him a BJ,"* but describe what he is missing and be WAY OVERCONFIDENT about your abilities until you make him laugh. Then gently grab his crotch and tell him if he wants it, he will have to beg you for it! 

Then if he goes for it, be excruciatingly gentle and light with your technique and make him beg you to be more aggressive, while giving him ever so brief moments of what you can do. MAKE HIM COMPLIMENT YOU AND BEG!

Then when you finally want to go for it, tell him he can ONLY have ten seconds of the good stuff, and then if that does not do it for him, then too bad! Of course you can give him more than ten seconds, but it will mess with his head in the most wonderful ways!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Hmmm so 30 years married had oral sex as a stand alone on me, once I think. However, as much as I like it I really need to filled before I feel complete.


Same for my wife, she hardly ever seeks it out, is OK with it if I initiate (and she feels she's properly scrubbed clean first), but must be boned after.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Sure I give her stand alone oral regularly. OK usually as 68 a day or two after I got mine but she either didn't try to O or couldn't. 

I do offer at other times too but like Mr. @Fitnessfan she has to be in the right mood/state of mind. Which she was this morning


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'm happy to give her stand alone oral, but the funny thing is, she almost always wants PiV as well, so it seldom ends with oral. Some of the time when she gives me oral, she'll get turned on, hop on for a couple of rounds for herself, and then finish me by doing what she started earlier. Those are extra fun for us both.


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## Ruby210 (Oct 14, 2015)

I do give stand alone bj's, this week it was twice. It's usually once or twice a week for a stand alone one. But bjs are always part of our foreplay too. We have sex typically 3 times a week. We've been together 26 years ( high school sweethearts) married 22 years and we're 43 and have 4 kids. But the youngest is 13 so it's not like we're dealing with little ones anymore...


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Hmmm so 30 years married had oral sex as a stand alone on me, once I think. However, as much as I like it I really need to filled before I feel complete.


Oh, not me. Oral is my #1, and I would be fine with stand-alone oral any day of the week.

But it's never been offered. Nor stand-alone hj which would also be perfectly acceptable in my books.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
And this is why sexual compatibility is so vital in relationships




always_alone said:


> Oh, not me. Oral is my #1, and I would be fine with stand-alone oral any day of the week.
> 
> But it's never been offered. Nor stand-alone hj which would also be perfectly acceptable in my books.


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

I actually have just started enjoying giving the BJ. It's not that I thought it was gross or anything I just though...eh why bother... but there are other issues in my marriage than that.

I don't think I've given many...if any...stand alone ones as it usually turns into fun for both of us. I have never, though, given a BJ to completion....H won't let me.... *shrugs*


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## mravg2u (Apr 27, 2016)

Together 30+ years and stand alone are not very common but always part of our weekly date. As I age it takes me longer and she says she gets tired. She says it hurts her jaw. I always think of myself low average size.

To be honest I enjoy her finishing me off to end our date. I always satisfy her with oral since she can not O with PIV only. We have tried every position, angle and time and it has only happened twice. 

As long as she is willing to provide a bj I can forgo stand alone jobs.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

badsanta said:


> *Next time offer to "NOT give him a BJ,"* but describe what he is missing and be WAY OVERCONFIDENT about your abilities until you make him laugh. Then gently grab his crotch and tell him if he wants it, he will have to beg you for it!
> 
> Then if he goes for it, be excruciatingly gentle and light with your technique and make him beg you to be more aggressive, while giving him ever so brief moments of what you can do. MAKE HIM COMPLIMENT YOU AND BEG!
> 
> ...


Bad Santa, lol!! You're so funny and great suggestions. However, this kind of thing just doesn't work with him. I have to wait patiently...but it's ok...things may not be exactly as I'd like, but they are moving in the right direction!!


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## hairyhead (Oct 30, 2015)

As often as I would like and that's after 27 years. Previously they were delivered as part of our usual routine with some extra thrown in for good measure. Nowadays they are to replace the usual routine as the menopause kicks in unfortunately. 

Sent from my SM-T800 using Tapatalk


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

I have been with my husband for over 20 years. We still have sex regularly but he becomes quite anxious at the thought. I would love nothing more than to be able to drive him crazy this way. He can tolerate it as part of sex as long as I don't spend too long there. I don't know why and am too scared to find out why.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Married 40+ years and never had a stand-alone BJ from my wife, and it's not like I've never asked. But then again I've never had a BJ to completion from her either so guess I'm not missing much.


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## Randy52 (Oct 15, 2011)

Wife and I have been together for nearly 20 years (married for 15) and oral sex to completion is still a regular menu item for us both.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Together almost 11 years.

I created a monster with my husband. Before me he wasn't a huge fan of BJs (I just don't think he'd ever gotten a really good one) 

I can clearly remember the day we were in my bedroom and I was giving a BJ and he said "if you keep going, you're going to get a surprise" and I said "that's the point" and kept going. 

From that moment on, he was hooked. I don't think he'd ever had a stand alone Bj at that point, but he was also only 21. 

Now, he expects them, but he likes to prolong the action for so long my jaw starts to ache. And it actually feels like a B JOB. It's hard work! Every time we have sex there's foreplay Bj involved and oral for me (sometimes multiple) but I do get selfish because one of my favorite things is PIV immediately after receiving oral. It doesn't have to last forever, he could pull out and then receive oral, but I do get selfish in that area. 

If I give stand alone oral and then receive oral, it feels incomplete. 

Confusing, this sex thing.

I just stuck my hand down his shorts and told him after he showered later he may just get a surprise. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Slippin (Apr 30, 2016)

Capster said:


> As in have you let yourself go (weight, belly) over the past 15 years? Do you plan exciting dates? Any alcohol or anger issues? Do you flirt with her? Do you have a solid frame and not get angry or mopey? Are you alpha in the bedroom?
> 
> It may be her, but before you can work on her, you have to make sure your **** is together.




Can you perform after you cum? Are you sure she's not faking all those stand alone oral oragasms? Chances are, BJs get her hot and if you cum, she's left frustrated. She probably not getting off nearly as much as you think when you eat her out and is doing it for your ego but she does get off during sex. 


Great opportunity to find out. Ask her why you get no stand alones. If she says anything along the lines of wanting to continue or getting off too, you know she's not thinking about how you can recriprocate orally and therefor you may be blowing it there. Great chance for some open talk if all parties can be brutally honest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

What is a stand alone bj? Lol when the other person doesn't return the favor

@-->----


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

HEIDI84 said:


> What is a stand alone bj? Lol when the other person doesn't return the favor
> 
> @-->----


yeah. say you're horny but the wife isn't in the mood. she gives you oral sex to take care of you and that's the end of it.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

HEIDI84 said:


> What is a stand alone bj? Lol when the other person doesn't return the favor
> 
> @-->----


I agree, it is very hard to get a BJ if you are just standing alone


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
You are being very good to him and he is being very selfish about it. 

A stand alone BJ is a very nice thing to do - once in a while. Most of the time though I think sex should be mutual. If you enjoy oral followed by PIV he should do that - often. If you give him a BJ, after a few minutes when he has recovered he should offer oral or anything else he is physically capable of. 

Many of us never get BJs even though we are always willing to reciprocate.




LosingHim said:


> Together almost 11 years.
> 
> I created a monster with my husband. Before me he wasn't a huge fan of BJs (I just don't think he'd ever gotten a really good one)
> 
> ...


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

After the kids, BJs stopped cold. My wife is full on OCD when it comes to being clean. When it was just me and her she couldn't keep her hands or mouth off of it.

Now with kids, she's all like, oh hell no, I have to kiss and cook for them and the thought of some type of cooties still stuck to her skin or mouth just brings out the OCD big time. My youngest is almost too old for kisses and stuff so I'll see if it returns or not.

It is frustrating that it just stopped cold turkey but as long as I'm still getting sex it's ok. Now, if she takes sex off the tables then I'm out because I know I'll cheat again if she cuts me off cold turkey to everything.


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## Wantingmoreoutoflife (May 6, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> All the time - several per week. 30+ years together.
> 
> But only because I changed the dynamic in my relationship. Great marriage and all... but over time we had less intimacy and I allowed it... accepted her fatigue, etc. All the reasons were very common and very valid, but that doesn't mean my needs were being met.
> 
> ...



You know its funny. I come back here to ask how to get my wife wanting to do things like this and I get bashed about watching too much porn. Not loving and accepting she doesn't want or like those things. Making me feel like I am bad husband for making her do things she isn't comfortable with. A standalone BJ? What's that? It took her nearly 15 years of being married to start doing them for foreplay. Never, ever received one just because. 

20 years of going down on her and I finally got my first one (more like lick, lick stroke stroke Ok lets do it). Now 9 years after that first one I am lucky if it happens once every other month. Even now it doesn't last more than 2 mins and she quits. Meanwhile has no problem having me go down for as long as she can take. And when you have your wife's hands wrapped around your head not letting you go it can be a while.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Wantingmoreoutoflife said:


> TheTruthHurts said:
> 
> 
> > All the time - several per week. 30+ years together.
> ...


Good. Now you know it's ok to have needs and express them and equate them - both of you deserve to be satisfied, fulfilled and happy.

And I bet her unwillingness to meet your need is WORSE than her not doing the deed - am I right? Because it means she's taking you for granted, evaluating you needs and determining they're not important.

Get that book, read it, think about it, try to figure out if you're missing out on some of her needs maybe you didn't realize she had. There could be things you blew off too as unimportant but find are common needs for women. Find out if that's the case. And use this book as a means to have a dialog.

I found it most helpful for my wife to realize I had FEELINGS about these sex issues - frankly I didn't even realize why they were so important. But it was the feelings of having valid wants and needs and the feeling that my partner loved me enough to try to meet them even though she may be tired or "not really that interested" in a particular sex act that was most important.

When the feelings were discovered, discussed and understood, the obstacles all fell away.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

I think asking my wife for a stand alone bj and then getting one is akin to a woman asker her husband why he stopped bringing her flowers and then he goes out and buys her some. 

And yes, I have brought flowers to my wife on my own accord without being ask to, why? because I love her and she appreciates the gesture. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Wantingmoreoutoflife (May 6, 2016)

thenub said:


> I think asking my wife for a stand alone bj and then getting one is akin to a woman asker her husband why he stopped bringing her flowers and then he goes out and buys her some.
> 
> And yes, I have brought flowers to my wife on my own accord without being ask to, why? because I love her and she appreciates the gesture.
> 
> ...


Right which is why if we as loving husbands do these things and more for our wives. Is an occasional BJ so hard to ask for?


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## Capster (Jun 10, 2014)

Wantingmoreoutoflife said:


> Right which is why if we as loving husbands do these things and more for our wives. Is an occasional BJ so hard to ask for?


So what happens when you ask for it?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Wantingmoreoutoflife said:


> Right which is why if we as loving husbands do these things and more for our wives. Is an occasional BJ so hard to ask for?


The way I view it, if it is something she has never done for whatever reason (maybe it just disgusts her, etc...) then I can understand (similar to if a guy never wants go down on his W). If it is something she (or he) used to do and they just decide they don't want to do it anymore, to me that is the bigger issue, assuming of course there aren't bigger issues in the marriage.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Our first 15-20 years together she would just do it. 
Our relationship is probably stronger now than ever before. 
I guess her just not up and not doing it anymore is something I am used to now so I guess it is what it is. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Married&Confused said:


> yeah. say you're horny but the wife isn't in the mood. she gives you oral sex to take care of you and that's the end of it.


Lol ok F that if I'm giving I'm getting as well 

@-->----


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

thenub said:


> Our first 15-20 years together she would just do it.
> Our relationship is probably stronger now than ever before.


Unfortunately, that's not all that uncommon, either.

I think the little things like BJ's are done during the beginning of relationships or when there's some lack of comfortability with one's partner, almost as a way of saying "see? I'm worthy". As in: they're chasing you, more than you're chasing them and they feel the need to keep up with these types of things. In your case, it seems to have lasted a good 10x longer than it usually does. It probably took that long before she was truly comfortable and relaxed in the relationship. Seriously. Doesn't mean she was always on edge, like "oh, he's going to leave me" or anything.

Point is, some women DO do these things not because they WANT to, but as a way of keeping their partner interested. We know that, and it's common. We men certainly have things that we do early in relationships that subside the more comfortable we get.

I also got them for about the first year with my wife. Not often, not regular, but it happened. Never asked for one, and she also didn't just jump me and do it. But it happened naturally. And it most definitely felt like she WANTED to. Since then (the next 6 years) it's happened 2 or 3 times, and it didn't seem natural. Like I was in the mood for sex, she wasn't, so she threw me a bone. I wouldn't mind that kind of BJ if it happened more often, but the reality is that if I'm in the mood and she's not, 99% of the time it's "too bad". Those few times she did that, it felt like it was out of pity.

Even though it's viewed as a one-sided thing, it's actually really not - or shouldn't be. I love BJ's and I want BJ's, but I have ZERO interest in one when my partner is just going through the motions and doing it for my sake only. It's weird, because many women give their partners BJ's when they're not in the mood for sex, or otherwise unavailable, and they don't mind, or even like it. It's not out of pity, nor necessarily duty - it's just taking care of one's partner. If my wife was like that, it would be enjoyable and nice. Because it's so infrequent, it really does feel like she's thinking she should throw me a bone.

That first year felt very mutual, and she was into it and happy with the result. It always led to some sort of closeness right after, cuddling etc. The few times it's happened since, she gets up and goes on with her day.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

HEIDI84 said:


> Lol ok F that if I'm giving I'm getting as well
> 
> @-->----


That's how it should be, and you'd be surprised at how many men are willing to do this. Not a "tit-for-tat, I owe you one" kind of thing, but a genuinely natural back-and-forth, without keeping score.

I've done it for my wife more often than she has for me over the years, and I don't mind. I actually quite like it. Thing is - she doesn't. I mean she enjoys it while it's happening, but I almost have to twist her arm in the first place. Basically, she doesn't feel comfortable with me getting nothing (though I've explained to her numerous times that I AM getting something...).

She usually tries to get me to have sex with her right away. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

Now whether that's because she's so horned up she needs me inside her OR she's feeling guilty that she got all the pleasure, I don't know. I DO get the feeling she doesn't like it all that much because she feels like she'll owe me one, though. I'm projecting, but I know my wife...

And yes, I've told her I enjoy doing this and that she doesn't "owe" me anything, nor am I keeping score. I truly don't think she believes me, though. I'm guessing that I'm the first guy she's ever known that LIKES doing this and/or doesn't expect something in return at some point. She has told me that I'm the most orally inclined guy she's ever known, though.


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## Capster (Jun 10, 2014)

Seems like a lot of the guys here have the same issue. Why do you comfort your wife that it's no big deal, you don't have to if you don't want to, I'll still give it to you, but then vent online that she doesn't? 

For lack of a better analogy, it's like a car salesman to say "I want to charge you $1,000 more for the car. I mean, it's okay if you don't want to pay that. I'll still sell you the car without the extra $1,000 if you want." You have to at least _seem _willing to walk away from the deal.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

thenub said:


> I think asking my wife for a stand alone bj and then getting one is akin to a woman asker her husband why he stopped bringing her flowers and then he goes out and buys her some.
> 
> And yes, I have brought flowers to my wife on my own accord without being ask to, why? because I love her and she appreciates the gesture.
> 
> ...


This sounds like you want her to read your mind.

That's usually not seen here as an effective method of getting what you want.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

I think I'll just go pick dandelions at the North Pole. Probably have better luck. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

thenub said:


> I think I'll just go pick dandelions at the North Pole. Probably have better luck.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Grab me sum I love dandelion wine lol

@-->----


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

HEIDI84 said:


> Grab me sum I love dandelion wine lol
> 
> @-->----




Never tried dandelion wine, how does it taste?


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## HEIDI84 (Apr 24, 2016)

Omg it's amazing before my father passed we use to make it every year I'm not a big drinker but I love it

@-->----


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## Leroi (May 13, 2016)

20+ years, now in our forties. Last stand alone bj.... who remembers? maybe 8-10 years ago.


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## SeattleWill (Aug 8, 2018)

Married 35 years . The sex was almost no-existent for a decade, but is pretty good now. We have scheduled sex for twice a week. One time PIV, the second involves toys for her and BJ to completion for me. This has worked well for over a year. She never let me cum in her mouth before. Now it is every time. Don’t give up!


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