# So he is leaving... now the hardest part



## indistressed (Sep 14, 2009)

Hi everyone, today my husband informed me that we must tell the kids that he will be moving out. I have been crying all morning and looking for guidance on how to go about this whole thing with the kids. My heart breaks everytime I see them and think of how their lives are about to change & I can not do anything about it. I told him that we have to sit down and talk about what we are going to say and how things are going to work. I am very concern on how he will manage to visit the kids he has to work alot so that he can afford the place where he will be leaving. As it is right now the kids have not seen him since early this morning and will not see him until tomorrow. We are going to mc but our sessions have become more of how we make this situation better so that the kids can handle it and be ok under the circunstances. How to co-parent and be able to better comunicate. I feel like a bad Mom because I was not able to keep our family united. As I know that it takes to tango and he has giving up I still feel as I have fail them. I dont know when we should tell the kids cause I know they will not take well. I pray and ask God to please give my kids the strength to be able to move forward. He will be in their lifes but since he has to work i just dont know how he will be able to manage and that will affect the kids so much! I want him to understand the grieving that this will cause to our kids and but i dont know if he understands? 
Please give me some advise I truly need some guidance.

Thank you,


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## indistressed (Sep 14, 2009)

This is so hard never in my life did I imagine going through this yet alone hurt my kids this way. I m concern on how this will affect them in school and overall. I tell my H that once he moves out I want everything to remain the same just with the difference that he will not be leaving under the same roof, I dont know if this will be possible. I am trying to remain friendly for the sake of my kids but know that things will not be the same but GOD how I truly want for all this to go away. pls help me in figuiring away not to hurt my kids.


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## hideandseek (Sep 21, 2009)

You can't not hurt your kids in this situation, but you can minimize it. Put them first, never bad-mouth the other parent and never allow others to bad-mouth them. Tell them that it was you and your husband's fault and not theirs, together. Get them therapy and support, too. When they are old enough, of if they are, write them a promise letter detailing how their lives will be to give them security. One big thing to promise is that significant events in their lives will not have any new boyfriends or girlfriends there, just Mom and Dad. That is very important to kids, they need to know that the marriage is over but not the family. The family is forever. Also, look into a webcam to allow lots of chats with Dad. My children have a better relationship now with their Dad because of it.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

I feel for you so much.

hideandseek has given you some good advice 

It is completlely normal to want to try and protect your kids from the pain of having to adjust to a separation. 

Try to take things one step at a time - concentrate on where you are now - the place where you need to tell your kids something difficult 

Think about all the times you've had to break 'news' to them before 

And just do it as best you can.

Remember you aren't going anywhere 

You can be there for them.


and you will be.....


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