# New here-



## andrea2828 (Jun 28, 2012)

Hi! This is my first time posting. Here is a brief summary of my situation:
I am 32, married for almost 8 years. I have 2 kids, 5 and 3. Almost 3 weeks ago my husband left. He says he doesn't know what he wants- to be with me or to be free. He harbors a lot of resentment towards me for some things (he doesn't play golf as much as he wants, that I'm not as affectionate as he needs, that we don't go to church, don't eat at the dining room table, he hates our house). The reason he threw into the middle of that list was that he's not sure if he loves me anymore.

We've talked but I feel like I'm wasting my breath and time. The kids and I went out of the country for a few days and got back yesterday. I was really hoping the time away would help clear his head and maybe he would come to the realization that I'm what he wants. I was wrong. He partied the whole time I was gone. He has started smoking and dipping.

He swears up and down that he hasn't cheated, is not currently cheating and is not looking to cheat. I want so much to believe him but with the current situation I just can't.

I am seeing a counselor, as is he, but we aren't going together.

I told him this morning that I love him and am not willing to lay down and lose what I thought was a good thing without trying. He says he's just a different person then he was 10 years ago when we met and now he just doesn't know what he wants. I've been hearing a lot of "I don't know" lately.

I don't know what I'm asking or wanting out of this- it just seemed like a good place to vent.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Wow. Well, first off -- welcome, although I'm sorry you are here for the reasons that you are here. You will find a lot of good support and advice here.

Secondly, I don't see why it's your fault if he doesn't play golf as much as he wants to. Isn't he a grown man with a car? If he wants to go to church, he can go to church, and if he wants to eat at the dining room table, then he can get in there and clean it off. If he hates the house, he can clean it, he can remodel it, he can see about buying something different. 

Really, seems like you are getting blamed for a lot of the generalized discontent he has with his life. And yeah, it does sound a little bit like he's got a little bit on the side -- sorry. He's making up things to be mad at you about, which never bodes well.

I'm glad you are going to counseling. And please do keep posting here -- people have been in exactly your shoes.

I'm sorry. I hope things get better for you.


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## andrea2828 (Jun 28, 2012)

Thanks for your reply. 
I am getting blamed for his discontent- the original reasons were "that he needs to get his head together". But the more we discussed the more the blame came to lay at my doorstep.

I'm willing to work on the issues from my end. I fully acknowledge that we have let our marriage slip with two full time jobs, two small children, a home, going to the gym. There is nothing left for the two of us at night.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Oh the blame game... how well I know what you're hearing. Same here. My STBXH blames me for all the things he is missing in his life, some the same as yours. Don't play golf enough, I don't want to go to church, I like to eat informal meals on the couch, yada yada yada. DO NOT LISTEN to this garbage.

Is he a little helpless boy or a grown man? 

ps. My husband has female "friends" he tells all his intimate details to, instead of me. In other words emotional affairs with other women. Just as damaging, even more so than phsyical flings with bimbos.


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## andrea2828 (Jun 28, 2012)

I think he wants to go back to being the little boy. He is an only child and is adored by his parents. He wants me to be more like his mother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

andrea2828 said:


> I think he wants to go back to being the little boy. He is an only child and is adored by his parents. He wants me to be more like his mother.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh jeezz.... a mommy's boy. Nothing worse


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

andrea2828 said:


> I'm willing to work on the issues from my end. I fully acknowledge that we have let our marriage slip with two full time jobs, two small children, a home, going to the gym. There is nothing left for the two of us at night.


Sorry to hear you are going through this Andrea...your situation sounds almost identical to mine. My stbx wife did the whole same blaming me for everything...it's pretty much the norm any walk away will use to justify their actions to themselves. And yes...the more you try to discuss/fix it, the more blame will come your way.


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

we're living pretty much the same life, i'm sorry to say. i'm new here too and its a great place to vent and feel more at peace. we've been separated for 2 months and still getting the i don't knows. we just started a 4 week no contact. i'm hoping he will miss me and the kids enough to come back and work on us. good luck to you in your situation. and keep going to therapy. it really helps.


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