# Lost and don't know what to do



## Mayatlc (Jan 23, 2013)

Hello all,
I am so lost and don't know what to do. I just found out last week that my husband cheated on me. I found out that he had an affair with a woman he met onling. Hard part is that we were only married for 7 weeks at this point. I had no idea. We just got back from our honeymoon here in the beginning of January, and I find out he cheated and was planning on meeting her again next week.
We have been together for 4 years and this is the first act of infidelity. I have found out that early in our relationship that he was sexting someone and asking numerous other female friends to come over or send naked pictures. Even found some of his ex and mistress on his computer,
He has confessed to the affair and says he is truly sorry, but hard part is that I don't really believe him. He has actively looked into counselling and we have gone to a session already. We live in a place that has made me isolated from family and friends, so I can't really get away very easily. We have been talking civily in the home, but I don't know if I can ever trust him again.
Right now, I feel sick to my stomach when I think about it and have been going through the range of emotions. Is it possible to get past the hurt and forgive and still be married, or should we part as friends. I don't know what I want or what to do. I don't even know if it is even possible to regain trust.
I am just so crushed and lost right now and don't know where to turn, so here I am with strangers looking for support


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

I'm sorry to hear that What do you mean by "this is the first act of infidelity"? Do you mean this is the first time you've caught him? If he was sexting and flirting with other women early on in your relationship do you think it's possible things like this have been going on for awhile without you being aware?

Also, what has he done to show you that this will never happen again? Cheaters will lie with a straight face and tell you what you want to hear. You have to watch their actions. Has he shown anything through his actions besides offering to go to counseling?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

I am trying to figure out if I have ever seen a case that screamed annulment louder?

Ages? Kids? Assuming young. Sounds like it.


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## Mayatlc (Jan 23, 2013)

By first act of infidelity I mean the first time he has followed through and had intercourse. The texting I know didn't lead to anything because the women were in a different province.
There seems to be a year and a bit between the first things happening and this act. On confrontation, I was able to tell when he was lieing or telling the truth. Caught him in a couple other lies and called him on it, so I do believe this was the first, but I think that if he wasn't caught, it would not have been his last.
There are lots of things that he is doing other than the counselling to try and show he is sorry and willing to work on a relationship. I have been taking them all cautiously and we'll see if it lasts.
We don't have any children together, and we are not really young. We are in our mid thirties.
I am leaving for a month next week for school, so we will see what the distance will do and what have you.
Am I stupid for wanting to try and see if we can work past this, or is there no hope.
We have been discussing alot and I truely feel that he is being forth coming with everything now even though it hurts like heck to hear.


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## Yessongs72 (Dec 6, 2012)

Mayatlc said:


> Hello all,
> but I don't know if I can ever trust him again.


Understatement of the year.

married 7 weeks, four year relationship, multiple EAs (sexting. invites, naked photos). Oh boy! 7 weeks!!! This is going to happen again. You can't trust him again, ever. Sorry.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Yessongs72 said:


> Understatement of the year.
> 
> married 7 weeks, four year relationship, multiple EAs (sexting. invites, naked photos). Oh boy! 7 weeks!!! This is going to happen again. You can't trust him again, ever. Sorry.


:iagree: no brainer :iagree::iagree:

Pull yourself together. Consider yourself lucky. Yes Lucky with a capital L.

You could be like some of the other unfortunate wives on this board that are in your shoes too. Except they have kids, debt, & obligations. 

Get a lawyer and see if you qualify for an annulment.


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## StillLife (Jan 19, 2013)

I'm sorry Mayatic. I wish I could tell you it would be alright, and that you might be able to fight it out, but after dealing personally with a serial cheater...I wouldn't hold out hope or even risk it.

There's a huge possibility even if you forgive this and did manage to reconcile, it will just happen again, and you will have to endure the pain and suffering you are now all over again. 

Anyone who could consciously be cheating on their new bride 7 weeks in doesn't have much of a conscience at all and no amount of counseling or marriage building is likely to change that. Good luck in whatever you decide though, and I am sincerely sorry for your pain. I know what it's like.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Sorry that you married this guy without realizing that his EA's are acts of infidelity. If it's possible to annul the marriage, that would be the best course, in my opinion. Maybe he'll fix himself and you'll be able to decide if he is a man worthy of Re-marriage. But get out of the current situation because it is toxic and won't do you any good.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

Mayatlc said:


> but I think that if he wasn't caught, it would not have been his last.


You said it yourself. You will never be able to trust him.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

I would get an annulment. If you had been married for 20 years and had children to consider I would suggest counseling. This will happen again. Marriage gets harder over time. If you are having this sort of trouble and you just got back from your honeymoon I don't see anything worth saving.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Mayatlc said:


> Hello all,
> I am so lost and don't know what to do. I just found out last week that my husband cheated on me. I found out that he had an affair with a woman he met onling. Hard part is that we were only married for 7 weeks at this point. I had no idea. We just got back from our honeymoon here in the beginning of January, and I find out he cheated and was planning on meeting her again next week.
> We have been together for 4 years and this is the first act of infidelity. I have found out that early in our relationship that he was sexting someone and asking numerous other female friends to come over or send naked pictures. Even found some of his ex and mistress on his computer,
> He has confessed to the affair and says he is truly sorry, but hard part is that I don't really believe him. He has actively looked into counselling and we have gone to a session already. We live in a place that has made me isolated from family and friends, so I can't really get away very easily. We have been talking civily in the home, but I don't know if I can ever trust him again.
> ...


Sweetheart, I really don't want to sound harsh.

Dump him.

Kick his ass so far to the curb he sees freaking stars.

You *just* got married. This is a terrible sign.

I advise you to hold off on having kids, if you do decide to stay. 

Good luck.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

He's obviously a serial cheater. You know that now, so you can act. Annul the marriage if possible like Cedarman said, and get an immediate D if you can't. You deserve a real and honest person in your life. Be thankful you caught it early and before kids. Good Luck.


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