# Giving up on him?



## gij0j07 (Jun 13, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and we dated for 3 years before that. I love him, but that's just who I am. I love easily. I knew long before we married that I wasn't in love with him, but at the time I was okay with that. I figured that a life-long steady relationship would be better than one that is constantly up and down.

The problem I face now is that he doesn't love me, and may not have at all along the way. Even he's not sure because he's never dated anyone else (which he lied to me about before we married). I know the first piece of advice married couples are given about any problem is to "communicate". Well, we have communicated. We have discussed our issues until we're blue in the face, but neither of us really understands exactly how he feels and he definitely doesn't understand how he should feel.

I've tried to explain to him that if he loved me everything wouldn't be about "us". At least once in awhile he should want to do something for me just because he thinks I'd like it. He should look forward to seeing me. I should excite him. It seems that the more I try to explain what love feels like, the more I believe he's never been in love.

But here's where it gets tricky. He's a drop-dead gorgeous man, but he has ZERO social skills. If we got divorced I'd have no problems moving on and finding happiness down the road, but it would be very difficult for him. He's told me that he doesn't want to have go through the effort of trying to date again, and that that is probably the reason he doesn't want to lose me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, do I stay with a man who I get along with but will never have any passion with? Or do I force him to move on so that we both _MIGHT_ find something better?


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I would say stay. He doesnt seem to be doing anything specially wrong. It doesnt come naturally to everyone. Some people have to be taught and you may not be the best teacher. You need to involve a third person here.


----------



## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

you deserve to be happy. if he cant love you then you should move on. he is never going to learn from his mistakes if you sheild him from it. he might not know what love is right now, but if you leave him, he will either relize he loves you and tell you, or he will have a chance to find true love. you should be able to have love. you dont wanna put up with this and settle and later down the road he wants to move on after all the time you put in. hope you can make yourself happy.


----------



## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

um huh?
I guess I don't understand the problem.

So, what are you saying? He married you for regular, albeit passionless, coochie? 
You married him for easy companionship?

You are not his mother. You are not a brick either. Your motives are more than just protecting him. You want his love even though you are not in love with him. If you didn't, there would be no "problem" because you'd realize you both obviously feel the same way and might as well move on.

And,

I'm wondering if he is in the closet. Unless you married him at 12 years old, there is no way a "drop-dead gorgeous man" had no experience at all and will only marry - and want to remain married - for nothing more than convenience.

Or,

Maybe he's only "drop-dead gorgeous" in your eyes. Otherwise, he'd have women all over him once he turned a teenager. Did he live alone in the forest? LOL


----------



## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

lmao, reading river1977's post gave me a great laugh. you have a great point. most drop dead gorgeous men dont stay with someone they dont love because it is easy. is he gay? he might not be able to feel for you in a sexual way because he is not attracted to women. i would talk more to him and find out what his real motives are. but its not going to work. just be happy!


----------

