# Bad Marriage - My Fault



## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

I am a 49 year old male. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 15 years. She is 40. My main problem is gaining employment.

I have a poor work history. My career field is too narrow and I have made some mistakes in my field ( which I feel I have learned from) and I have had some horrible, horrible bosses. Anyway, 13 years ago, we decided I should be the one staying at home with the kids. I did that for 9 years while my wife worked at a job she really didn't like. In 2009, my youngest entered into the first grade. My wife told me I should get a job. I told her the kids weren't old enough yet. I did try a little bit to get a job, but I was discouraged about the abysmal job market. 

The big problem here was I let this drag on for 3 1/2 years! What seemed to be a legitimate concern should have been eroded away, but I still didn't get a job. Finally, she told me she was unhappy with the marriage last year, so I finally got off my sorry butt and started to look for a job. It took me six months, and I had to look in another city, since my city is an employment wasteland. The job is only temporary, pays poorly, and has no benefits. 

Earlier this year, I found out she was having an affair with a married rich man. Not only is she having an affair, but she texts him right in front of me! I told her I don't like it, but she keeps telling me it's all my fault I didn't get a job.

Also this year, she was laid off her job. Now we are in financial trouble. She now tells me that if I can't be a provider, then maybe I shouldn't have a wife and family. I am despondent over this.

We haven't had intimate relations in a month. I am now in a loveless marriage. I have apologized to her several times, but she is still very angry.

I know this is a long story, and I probably left some things out, but I am at a loss for what I can do, except for trying to find gainful employment(which is quite difficult nowadays). Please help with any advice you might have. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you for your attention.


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

I would like to continue my marriage. I am willing to make changes to better myself.


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## H30 (Nov 23, 2013)

It is probably much more than just the job. 
Yes, when your wife is at a job she doesn't like to support you...she is going to be frustrated. Have you tried things to put yourself in a better position to get a job? Additional training? College courses? Have you considered looking in better areas? 
While being a stay at home parent is admirable, I agree with your wife that since your youngest is in school, it is time for you to get a job.
There is something here that bothers me though, you blame your narrow field and horrible bosses for your work history. But I often see that people in that type of employment situation have something else about them holding them back....perhaps this may be intruding into your marriage too.


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

Yes, there is something else holding me back. I have been suffering from clinical depression and anxiety for most of my life. It has held me back in the past.

About furthering my education: I can't afford to do that a at this time. I guess I could take one class, but that's it.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

Is she still seeing the other man? Does she want to continue the marriage? If she's still seeing him and doesn't want to continue the marriage there might not be anything you can do. 

People that are having affairs will try to make it look like your fault and will find fault with everything that you do.

I'm not saying this to be mean but its a mistake in a lot cases for a man to be a stay at home dad. Some women will lose respect for them as men. Not in all cases everyone is different.


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

Thebes:

My wife said people in her family rarely get a divorce. Something has to be really bad for that to take place.
However, she is still seeing that other man.
We both agreed that I should be a stay at home dad. As far as I know, that shouldn't affect her opinion of me.


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

If "trying to Figure It Out" is out there reading this, can you please give me some advice?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Lets put your employement a side for a second and look at the simple fact that your old lady didin't have the balls to divorce you but instead choose the path of deciet and betrayal.......

Stop sharing your wife and just let her go!

See your asking for advise in how to save your marriage when no one here can give you any cuz your old lady has made the choice for both of you.

You can't compete with new love...until the OM is out of the picture and your chick looks at the why of her betrayal then the M is toast.

Sorry brother but your old lady lost respect for you long ago and your begging and crying for this marriag is not going to help you.

I do suggest you get your balls back from your wife and tell her to go pound sand...if its all your fualt then way does she still hang out with you????

I'l tell you why...cuz the Om wants one thing and thats getting her panties off. But far be it from him to be honest with a married women...the guy is string your chick along but as soon as you bail then your wife will want a commitment from him and let me tell you thats the last thing this guy wants.

So this guy won't commit to his new sex toy so your old lady sticks around with the most terrible person she could ever imagine...get it?


Its time you start making some choices your self and have the confidence in letting her go....this confidence just might save your marriage.

Dude, your trying to be a perfect husband but you have been replaced...again until your chick stops all contct with OM the relationship doesn't have a chance.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Even if she does break off the affair you guys have a long road in repairing a broken marriage.

How can you even work on an already unhealthy marriage when there continues to be a 3rd person infecting it...it just doesn't work that way.

You have to wait until the affair is over before you can work on the marriage.

Sorry for the bad news but yout out there trying to compete and you can't compete with a new man that has all the respect your wife has to give....even if the guy will never commit to your wife, your wife doesn;t know that she thinks he is Mr. wonderful....dude you can't compete.

But you can gain some of your self respect back by making this affair as difficult and as inconvient as possible by putting her things in a spare bed room and exposing the affair to the othe mans wife or girl friend, expose this affair for what it really is and that is her taking the easy way out by decieving you instead of putting her big girl pants and leaving you.

Her affair is not your fault, her moral compass is in the fog and her adultory has nothing to do with you or you not working....your old lady is a cheater and choose to betray you instead of doing the honorable thing and divorce you before she dropped her undies for another man.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

JT Ohioan said:


> Thebes:
> 
> My wife said people in her family rarely get a divorce. Something has to be really bad for that to take place.
> However, she is still seeing that other man.
> We both agreed that I should be a stay at home dad. As far as I know, that shouldn't affect her opinion of me.


Ya your old lady is commiting adultery...thats pretty bad if you ask me.

Stop sharing your wife 

Have some respect for your self and stop blaming her lack of morals on yourself.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

JT Ohioan said:


> Thebes:
> 
> My wife said people in her family rarely get a divorce. Something has to be really bad for that to take place.
> However, she is still seeing that other man.
> We both agreed that I should be a stay at home dad.* As far as I know, that shouldn't affect her opinion of me.*


This could not have been teed up any better. TAMmers, anyone got an opinion on the attractiveness of a SAHD??


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

Its time you start making some choices your self and have the confidence in letting her go....this confidence just might save your marriage.

Dude, your trying to be a perfect husband but you have been replaced...again until your chick stops all contct with OM the relationship doesn't have a chance.[/QUOTE]

Whoa! That's a lot to think about!

Can you explain having the confidence to let her go to save the marriage?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Philat said:


> This could not have been teed up any better. TAMmers, anyone got an opinion on the attractiveness of a SAHD??


Ya I do put OP is going thru alot of pain...been there almost three years ago..I know for a fact you can't nice your why out of this when the affair is still going on.

I'm just trying to get him to stop apoligizing to his wife for her screwing around....for now.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

It's been covered on a number of threads. Women do not respect sahd's. As a woman I would agree with this; just as men are biologically driven to look at physical attractiveness, women are driven to seek a provider. Or at very least a partner.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In short...

bad marriage - my fualt

the affair - her fault


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

lifeistooshort said:


> It's been covered on a number of threads. Women do not respect sahd's. As a woman I would agree with this; just as men are biologically driven to look at physical attractiveness, women are driven to seek a provider. Or at very least a partner.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OP's old lady is still screwing OM as we speak.
The damage is done.
Now its time to stop being a doormat, get a job and raise your attraction level for the next one.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

JT Ohioan said:


> Its time you start making some choices your self and have the confidence in letting her go....this confidence just might save your marriage.
> 
> Dude, your trying to be a perfect husband but you have been replaced...again until your chick stops all contct with OM the relationship doesn't have a chance.


Whoa! That's a lot to think about!

Can you explain having the confidence to let her go to save the marriage?[/QUOTE]

Right now, she has no respect for you, and she knows she can do whatever she likes and you won't do anything about it. Until you stand up for yourself, she'll keep doing what she's doing unless she gets a better offer. 

What have you done to try to end the affair? Do you have any proof? Have you let the other man's wife know? Have you researched anything yet?

What have you done to work on yourself? Applying for new jobs, counselling, etc? Are you still working out of town?

C


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

I am applying for new jobs, am attending group therapy and am still working out of town.

I haven't let the other man's wife know. I don't have physical proof, but I know for certain.

What can I research?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

JT Ohioan said:


> Earlier this year, I found out she was having an affair with a married rich man. Not only is she having an affair, but she texts him right in front of me!
> 
> * If it bothers you so much do something about it? Rather than sitting around waiting for things to improve, like you did delaying employment. Don't say a word to anyone and tell the other man's wife about the affair ASAP. *
> 
> ...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

JT Ohioan said:


> I am applying for new jobs, am attending group therapy and am still working out of town.
> 
> I haven't let the other man's wife know. I don't have physical proof, but I know for certain.
> 
> What can I research?


How much are you gone? Or is it just long daily commutes?

Research... Get his wife's contact information. Get proof that you can give her. She might be your biggest asset in breaking up the affair. Talk to a lawyer or do your own research on what a divorce may mean for you financially, in terms of custody, etc. The better you understand your situation and options, the better off you are.

What about exposing the affair to her family? If they're so against divorce, I suspect they won't be big fans of affairs, either.

C


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

JT Ohioan said:


> Can you explain having the confidence to let her go to save the marriage?


If you are willing to walk away from your marriage - knowing you have no say in the matter anyway (you've always only been one half of the equation on whether you two stay together) - she loses the power she currently has over you. Once you are at that point, you are free to take the necessary steps to possibly (1) end her affair and (2) reinvent yourself and your marriage.

It takes guts, though. Are you up to it?


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

The D word scares the hell out of me. I can't afford anything right now. Also, I am afraid I can't afford child support and will not be able to see my kids.

About informing the other wife: I think I might be able to notify her after the holidays. I hear he has to go on a long trip then

Everyone's advice is greatly appreciated. I will try to mull it all over. I will also try to do the 180.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

the guy said:


> OP's old lady is still screwing OM as we speak.
> The damage is done.
> Now its time to stop being a doormat, get a job and raise your attraction level for the next one.



Oh I agree with you, I was answering the question of how women view sahd's. That's all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

JT Ohioan said:


> Its time you start making some choices your self and have the confidence in letting her go....this confidence just might save your marriage.
> 
> Dude, your trying to be a perfect husband but you have been replaced...again until your chick stops all contct with OM the relationship doesn't have a chance.


Whoa! That's a lot to think about!

Can you explain having the confidence to let her go to save the marriage?[/QUOTE]

Poeple want what they can't have, until she start to think twice about what she is about to lose or second guess here choices she will continue to phuck around.

You ain't going anywere..if for one second your old lady thought you were going to bail she would have never of contacted OM infront of you.

I bet your old lady has enough respect for her self to kick your @ss to the curb if you ever pulled half the crap she is pulling.



Sorry bro I have benn here for a while and I can see when guys are getting walked on and it ain't right.

I have been a very bad husband back in the day and On Feb. '10 when I confronted my wife for the second time it was no longer about her and how she has been treated.

It was about me no longer sharing my wife.

See You and me can only control what we actually have control over so do our wives...and if we were all that bad then why betray us, why the deciet, why not just have us served and divorce our @ss?????

Your wife had a choice and she choose the easy way out...and what sucks @ss is she continues to sleep around and do it infront of you.

You can't nice your way out of this until the OM is history, to get the OM gone you have to give them both consequences, and have the cofidence to lose your wife...only then will she start to think twice in what she is about to lose.


BTW I think once this guy sees that your old lady is about to become his problem she will be history.




Just let her go!
Once OM is history then you guys can work on the M.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

lifeistooshort said:


> Oh I agree with you, I was answering the question of how women view sahd's. That's all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm on a roll.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

JT Ohioan said:


> The D word scares the hell out of me. I can't afford anything right now. Also, I am afraid I can't afford child support and will not be able to see my kids.
> 
> About informing the other wife: I think I might be able to notify her after the holidays. I hear he has to go on a long trip then
> 
> Everyone's advice is greatly appreciated. I will try to mull it all over. I will also try to do the 180.


Excuse me but your the SAHD...your old lady will be paying you.

Something tells me your old lady is pulling the divorce card and uses it like black mail cuz I'm sure we aren;t the only ones here at TAM that know you are affraid of divorce.

Be strong man and consultations are free go see a lawyer (go see a few) and ask them cuz what the hell do I know...I'm just the-guy.

Dude get some free consultation and at the very least know your options and stop being emotionally blackmaied by your wife.


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

The Guy: Interesting you talk about consequences. When I confronted my wife about her affair, she said that my not getting a job has consequences. Just throwing it out there.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Well... if she had any integrity then the consequences for you not finding work would have been a divorce.

Cheating on you just shows how f'd up HER character is.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

JT Ohioan said:


> The Guy: Interesting you talk about consequences. When I confronted my wife about her affair, she said that my not getting a job has consequences. Just throwing it out there.


Classic statement to justify the affair.

Honorable women would have divorced your unemployed ass instead of cheating ...

wait a minute...you said you guys discussed you bing a SAHD????

I'll need to re read your original post..

I have a feeling it wasnt a problem being a SAHD...then she met some one and started getting laid by some one other then her old man and now all of the sudden you went from SAHD to unemployed dead beat!!!!!!!


Either way your old lady will continue to rewrite hitory of this marriage and justify the deciet by blaming you.

It freaking amazes me how the cheating spouses can blameshift and gas light and manipulate the infidelity...when it all boils down to dishonesty, lies, betrayal, and the risking of the loyal perent's kids health by exposing them to STD's.


dude go get checked!!!!! seriously


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

I guess if she would have been thinking about a divorce, threatening me with one if I didn't get a job would have definitely motivated me, but that's neither here nor there now.


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

The guy: I didn't get a job for 3 1/2 years. She started cheating on me about 1 1/2 years ago. It wasn't all of a sudden. And she did tell me several times to get a job.

However, I now realize affairs are addictions, and people will try anything necessary to rationalize.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

sunnyt said:


> well... If she had any integrity then the consequences for you not finding work would have been a divorce.
> 
> Cheating on you just shows how f'd up her character is.


what character???????


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

She has also said that most wives would have thrown my things into the street and changed the locks on the doors.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

JT Ohioan said:


> The guy: I didn't get a job for 3 1/2 years. She started cheating on me about 1 1/2 years ago. It wasn't all of a sudden. And she did tell me several times to get a job.
> 
> *However, I now realize affairs are addictions, and people will try anything necessary to rationalize.[/*QUOTE]
> 
> ...


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

He is a British born VP of an Indian IT company. He is in MENSA. That's where he met my wife.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

JT Ohioan said:


> She has also said that most wives would have thrown my things into the street and changed the locks on the doors.


:iagree:
But...she forgot to mention "honorable"

Most honorable wives would have.....your old lady is far from honorable:rofl:

WTF...your chick makes it sound like *she* is doing you a favor by spreading her legs for some strange?

When in fact she is making her self look like pond scum.:lol:

Maybe you might want to stop quoting your wife cuz she ain't looking any better.:rofl:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

JT Ohioan said:


> He is a British born VP of an Indian IT company. He is in MENSA. That's where he met my wife.


Nice...your wife made a premeditaited choice to look for an affair.

Have you Googled OM name?

Your old lady is dripping with STD's by now and yet your the bad guy....thats messed up!


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## evenstar (Jul 26, 2013)

Antone else smell a troll?


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

the guy said:


> Nice...your wife made a premeditaited choice to look for an affair.
> 
> Have you Googled OM name?
> 
> Your old lady is dripping with STD's by now and yet your the bad guy....thats messed up!


Thanks to you folks, I no longer feel like the only bad guy. We both messed up. 
However, I am getting back to not getting a job. You agreed that throwing my stuff in the street and changing the locks on the doors would have been fine.


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

evenstar said:


> Antone else smell a troll?


Who?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

ya easy now there is protocall and SOP for this kind of thing.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

JT Ohioan said:


> Thanks to you folks, I no longer feel like the only bad guy. We both messed up.
> However, I am getting back to not getting a job. You agreed that throwing my stuff in the street and changing the locks on the doors would have been fine.


If you were a dead beat then you...or one could agree with your WW, but since its not the case and a SAHD was established and later recanted it appears that your WW is ...shall we say wrong with her new reality and that most women would have respected the job you do in raising the kids and running the house hold.( I regress..not "respect" but at the very least "appreciate" a SAHD)

I am still confused in establishing when your old lady started labeling you as unemployed versus SAHD?

Child care had to of come into play when this converstion took place?

See the difference? See the point I need clarification on.

When did you switch from SAHD to unemployed?

Correct me if I'm wrong but did you or did you not go from SAHD to unemployed when your old lady started seeing OM?


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

I went to unemployed before she started seeing OM. She considered me unemployed 3 1/2 years ago. That was 2 years before she started seeing the OM.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

JT Ohioan said:


> 13 years ago, we decided I should be the one staying at home with the kids. I did that for 9 years while my wife worked at a job she really didn't like. In 2009, my youngest entered into the first grade. My wife told me I should get a job..


So for a 1-1/2 years you went from SAHD to unemployed dead beat ...in your wifes eyes/mind. And in the next 4 or so years you stayed as an unemployed dea beat in your wifes mind.

How does your old lady justify this? 

After all it was established that you stay at home, but yet when it stopped working for her she thought less of you??? Or was it just more justification? Maybe she has been screwing around longer then she is willing to admit to? Maybe with her own agenda the current time line works best for her own damage control?

After all this new OM might have more to offer then the OM 2,3, or even 4 years ago? 

Something tells me she has been looking for a replacement far longer then you are aware of.

Maybe this new OM has more commitment or even more money then the old one/s.

Maybe this SAHD worked out for her 13 years ago but something happened and I suspect that if you double the time line then her infidelity started way before you thought or what she is even admitting to!

And that my friend makes her look a lot worse then you ever imagined. If my time line is correct then she was bull sh1tting you longer then her actions showed and looking at you square in the eyes...she may have been riding you telling you what you wanted to hear.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Back a page, theguy wrote, "Just let her go."

It made me remember this post here. When I first read it, not long after I got here, it tore me apart. I didn't want to read it. I didn't understand it. What everyone is telling you about SAHDs is true. What they are telling you about letting her go is true. She won't see you as respectable until you become respectable. You will have to change yourself. You still may not keep her, though. In any case, her is the link and I wish you all the best. I'm sorry you are here.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html#post306559


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Try to see this from your wife's possible perspective. I am not trying to make excuses for her but trying to understand where she is coming from might be helpful to realize that this is not all about your mistakes. Self blame can be destructive. Acknowledgement is great and it helps us to move on in a direction with a plan but getting caught in self blame is not good.

You had trouble with employment and the plan was she was to work. I am guessing this put a strain on you financially and probably was no easy on your wife as far as trying to keep up with everything else and her job, it can be very overwhelming. More than liking that is why she told you that you needed to find work. Is it possible that she was thinking of a way out of her situation so she would not have the responsibility of supporting a family? Is it possible she was looking for a way to support herself and her children in a way she dreamed of an desired? Those thoughts are her thoughts. Is it realistic that this man she is having the affair with is really someone she loves or is it what he can provide? My suggestion here is marriage counseling so you can both listen to one another and take the steps, if possible, to move fwd.


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

AVR: I think you might be right. Her main concern is about providing.

As for counseling, she does not want it. However, you got me thinking: Maybe I should see a priest about this.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

JT Ohioan said:


> We haven't had intimate relations in a month. I am now in a loveless marriage. I have apologized to her several times, but she is still very angry.


So she is cheating on you, yet she is the angry one? I haven't seen you address this in any of your responses. Why are you apologizing to her? 

As some other people said, let her go. Or, go find another woman for yourself, and have an open marriage. Either way, problem solved.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

JT Ohioan said:


> I am a 49 year old male. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 15 years. She is 40. My main problem is gaining employment.
> 
> I have a poor work history. My career field is too narrow and I have made some mistakes in my field ( which I feel I have learned from) and I have had some horrible, horrible bosses. Anyway, 13 years ago, we decided I should be the one staying at home with the kids. I did that for 9 years while my wife worked at a job she really didn't like. In 2009, my youngest entered into the first grade. My wife told me I should get a job. I told her the kids weren't old enough yet. I did try a little bit to get a job, but I was discouraged about the abysmal job market.
> 
> ...


JT,

I don't know if your marriage can be saved.
The odds are stacked heavily against you , plus the SAHD dynamic doesn't add value to your case.
Fact is, it rarely does when things go downhill financially or otherwise, in a marriage.
When she cheated, she did it with a man of means , and she clearly stated her dissatisfaction with your inability to provide.

You need to do some serious work on yourself before you can begin to convince her to even start respecting you as a man again. There exist a huge power differential in favour of your wife , in the relationship , and she has lost her attraction for you.

Start looking for a job so that you can contribute financially and rebuild your self confidence. Not in an effort to get back your wife, but do it for your very own self.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

JT Ohioan said:


> AVR: I think you might be right. Her main concern is about providing.
> 
> As for counseling, she does not want it. However, you got me thinking: Maybe I should see a priest about this.


Sorry she does not want counseling. Even if she does not want to go as a couple, do go yourself. It could benefit you a great deal in dealing with all this. I have been thru this and will say that one of the biggest mistakes couples make is leaving their spouse with children. Many won't agree but I have seen what divorce does to children and it is not kind. I only wish your wife could understand what she would be doing to her children by leaving, if it comes to that. Step families are no picnic and as much as we, as step parents, try to love and accept our step children there are too many times when those feelings are not mutual and that creates a great deal of tension between husband and wife. I really feel for what you are going thru and dealing with right now and only hope your wife gets a wake-up call to reality.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I guess if I put the cheating aside and looked at the employment issue from her perspective, what is counseling going to accomplish? Either the counselor will tell you to get a job or he/she will try to convince her to deal with it. Counseling is usually a knee jerk reaction when things aren't going well, but there are times that there isn't much for a counselor to address. I wonder if this is one of them.
The ultimate irony here is that you're going to have to get a job to attract another woman, so why wouldn't you do it for your wife? Just like the women that will lose weight to attract another man after divorce but not for their husband. Sorry if this has already been addressed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> It's been covered on a number of threads. Women do not respect sahd's. As a woman I would agree with this; just as men are biologically driven to look at physical attractiveness, women are driven to seek a provider. Or at very least a partner.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is very true, only in very few cases does this work.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

I have to agree he will have to get a job. Women aren't attracted to men that don't work. His wife probably isn't any different, she's a woman. 

Married people tend to forget their husbands are still men and their wives are still women and that is often when the affair starts or you find yourself in a marriage with little sex. If they could only treat their spouses like they do their lovers.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Thebes said:


> I have to agree he will have to get a job. Women aren't attracted to men that don't work. His wife probably isn't any different, she's a woman.
> 
> Married people tend to forget their husbands are still men and their wives are still women and that is often when the affair starts or you find yourself in a marriage with little sex. If they could only treat their spouses like they do their lovers.


Yep, if you know darn well you'll have to change something to attract a new partner then change it for your spouse!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

I am looking for a better job. It's easier said than done in these times.


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

JT Ohioan said:


> I am looking for a better job. It's easier said than done in these times.


It would be a lot easier if you left, started over, and focused on bettering yourself. She doesn't want you as you are now. So quit talking to her about it. Get out there, and make something of yourself. 

When you are done, she will come scurrying back to you, and you will have the choice of taking her, or going with the other women attracted to the "new" you.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

whathappenedtome said:


> It would be a lot easier if you left, started over, and focused on bettering yourself. She doesn't want you as you are now. So quit talking to her about it. Get out there, and make something of yourself.
> 
> When you are done, she will come scurrying back to you, and you will have the choice of taking her, or going with the other women attracted to the "new" you.


I'm sorry but this is terrible advice.

JT Ohioan, do not leave your home. Doing so could be construed as abandonment and affect your parental and financial rights in the event that she divorces you.

Please consult with a qualified attorney to learn what your rights are as a SAHD.


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

carmen ohio said:


> I'm sorry but this is terrible advice.
> 
> JT Ohioan, do not leave your home. Doing so could be construed as abandonment and affect your parental and financial rights in the event that she divorces you.
> 
> Please consult with a qualified attorney to learn what your rights are as a SAHD.


In the event she divorces him???? He should be the one filing for divorce. Why wait for her. It's no marriage now. Nobody said just abandon your home. File for divorce and don't look back.


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## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

Sorry if I missed it on another post but are you in individual counseling? If you're not then you need to be, why the hell would you try to apologize to her for ****ing another guy and then insult you more by texting him right in front of you?

This makes me angry just reading it...


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Thebes said:


> I have to agree he will have to get a job. Women aren't attracted to men that don't work. His wife probably isn't any different, she's a woman.
> 
> Married people tend to forget their husbands are still men and their wives are still women and that is often when the affair starts or you find yourself in a marriage with little sex. If they could only treat their spouses like they do their lovers.


Thank you. I noticed someone else quoted this, but it really says quite a bit in a short couple of sentences. It's much more basic than we or women want to admit. Isn't it?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What exactly are your qualifications for work? Degree? In what? Years of experience?


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

I have a degree in Chemical Process Technology. It is the applied side of Chemical Engineering. There are no companies within 100 miles of my house that hire them. So, I went into the being a chemist, with little success. I am still trying to find a half decent Chemist job.


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

I have a degree in Chemical Process Technology. It is the applied side of Chemical Engineering. There are no companies within 100 miles of my house that hire them. So, I went into the being a chemist, with little success. I am still trying to find a half decent Chemist job.


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## JT Ohioan (Nov 10, 2013)

I have a degree in Chemical Process Technology. It is the applied side of Chemical Engineering. There are no companies within 100 miles of my house that hire them. So, I went into the being a chemist, with little success. I am still trying to find a half decent Chemist job.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

http://www.csbsju.edu/Documents/Career Services/pdf/What can you do with a chemistry degree.pdf

I work at a high-level scientific editing department at a research/education hospital, and one of our editors has only a chemistry degree. He just also happens to be a great writer/editor. He got tired of the applied and research sides of chemistry.

Lots of places just want that piece of paper, if you are capable of doing their work, if you want to consider something outside the chemistry area (at least for now). Working at anything looks a lot better than just waiting for some research facility to pop up in your area.


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