# Need help



## bad day (Sep 6, 2010)

Hi, 
I'm married for many years and I really don know why I have lost the love for my partner, he is a short temper person who verbally abuse me whenever he is angry. 
he tend to hurt my feeling deeply but i have been keeping quite about it. but now i feel that i don deserve this treatment. I am isolating myself and i don know what i'm doing. I've been avoiding my partner. what should i do. 
I have also talk to him on this matter several times but nothing seem to change. 
I'm feeling very hurt as his words have really made me think i'm useless and have failed in life. but to him he feels that its not a problem at all. He says i imagine things. 

what is happening and is it really a problem?????????
help??????????


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

yes, it is really a problem and no you arent just imagining things. he is mean and demeaning to you and you dont deserve it. 

you'll have to find some way to bring positive things in your life. if you continually surround yourself with someone that is constantly bringing you down, of course you're going to start believing them. And after awhile you start becoming that person. But that doesnt mean you cant become the person you want to be. But first you have to surround yourself with people who arent mean to you. 

You dont have to convince him not to talk to you that way. that's kind of a waste of your energy. he's probably not going to change. but you dont need him to change for you to feel better. you simply need to bring more positive things in your life and stay away from him as much as possible.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm no pro but heres my take;
yes theres a big problem
It starts with resentment, I amost lost my marriage becuase of it

it starts with the wedding cake-spouse put cake on other spouses face then spouse resents that and in return put cake on other spouses face, now both spouses have cake on face.

then spouse wants sex and other spouse turns down sex and spouse resents that and now spouse stops asking, now both spouses have no sex

and then spouse stops working around the house so other spouse resents that and stops working around the house, now both spouses have a dirty house

before you know it there is so much resentment there is only anger
and no love 


The good news is a marriage can be repaired if both spouses want it
There are alot of good books out there so start reading and get some help if not for the marriage, for your self. 
This site has also helped me, there are some smart people that post. keep reading

For now say this over and over "you diserve good things" 
As a guy I also was in denial that I had a messed up marriage for 19 years. Until now! So there is hope


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