# Relationship in trouble :(



## Corgigirl (Aug 12, 2013)

Hi Guys - I am new to this website and I'm just looking for some friends and some support. I've been going through a horrible time in my marriage for the past year and all signs point to divorce. I am really against this outcome as I truly love my husband and I don't want to devastate our two young children but I think my husband does want the divorce. He has been lying to me, pursuing online relationships, posting negative comments about me to these online friends, and avoiding almost all contact with me. We tried counseling last year and he was all about fixing us but he barely made an effort and these last 2 months have been brutal. Part of me questions why I would want to stay with someone who is treating me so poorly but we've been together for 15 years (married for 7) with 2 kids - this is my family and I would do anything to keep it together. I just think my "anything" is no longer good enough. Any advice??


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## temperance (Jul 28, 2013)

What did you counseling sessions revive?


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## Corgigirl (Aug 12, 2013)

I guess nothing. He said that I didn't pay him enough attention, I didn't compliment him, I didn't initiate intimacy enough. So I really worked on all these aspects but it wasn't enough. He made no effort at all. The counseling did help me though. The sessions I did by myself - made me realize that I am worth something. I just wish the joint sessions had paid off just as much. I wish he had realized that I was worth something. So that was a long answer but the short answer is they revived nothing - which is why I'm here.


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## temperance (Jul 28, 2013)

Did the counseling session revive when did he start 'unhappy' with you? How young are your kids? It sounded like there are some deeper reasons other than 'attention' he needs. Of course your worth something! How about you? Did you speak about your needs in the counseling session? How did he react to it?


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## Corgigirl (Aug 12, 2013)

My kids are 4 and 1. We starting having issues last year when I was pregnant with the second child. He began these online emotional affairs and he would say bad things about me to his online friends. He ignored me in lieu of having this online life. He starting losing weight and was upset that I didn't compliment him enough. Even though he was saying such bad things about me at the same time. He even was talking to his online "girl" when I was in labor.

After I gave birth, he said he would give it up. We kept going to counseling and I said I would work on the compliments, appreciation, and intimacy. I would pay more attention to him. But I wanted his love and his attention. I wanted him to appreciate me as well. I tried so hard and he barely tried at all. It was pretty much all about sex for him. When he got it often he was nice to me, but if it was only once a week, he was mean and would go back to his online girls and say nasty things about me. 

The last one was in May. I was so furious because it had happened so many times. I threw my wedding rings at him. A few days later, after I had cooled off, I told him that I was sorry and wanted to work it out. He basically said that I've never been intimate enough for him and he was done. I just don't get it - are all married couples really intimate 4-5 times per week. I mean, I have a full time job, 2 kids, 2 dogs, a house.....I can make an effort but I'm not sure I can live up to his expectations.....all while he is being a complete ass to me.

He wants a divorce. I don't want to be without my kids. He wants to split custody 50/50 but its just not what I want. He wants to settle things without lawyers but I don't trust him. I'm just so mad. I started dating him when I was 16 years old - married when I was 24. He is all I've ever known. Tomorrow is our 7 year wedding anniversary. I'm just so miserable. But I guess I'm getting a divorce. Happy anniversary to me!


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## skb (Dec 1, 2012)

You really don't have a choice. Get yourself an attorney and get your divorce started. Your children will do much better NOW vs LATER going through a divorce. You WILL get custody of the children. Do hit him up for a huge child support settlement.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

I'd say yes, you need to get an attorney if he intends to begin a custody fight. You really don't have a choice. You can still make clear to him that you'd like to save the marriage but if he is going to attack, you need to be able to defend yourself.

Just curious. In the MC, he and the counselor determined things you could do to help make him feel loved/appreciated/respected, but what kinds of things did he have to work on?

Also, 4-5 times per week isn't incredibly excessive, but it is certainly on the high side. I'd say 3-4 times is the ideal for most people but 2-3 times is pretty normal too and I doubt most folks would complain at that frequency.


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