# Husband left me with young baby..... possible reconciliation?



## Becky st

My husband of over two years has left. He said he doesn’t love me or want to be married to me. We have a 7 month old baby.

He is seeing a therapist as he has been behaving very differently. Very unlike himself and my therapist has said it sounds like he is struggling with the birth of our daughter and possible depression. Our doctor had also referred him for help as she thinks he is depressed. 

He had a brief flirtation with someone at work (nothing physical) but he said it was a nice distraction. He has told her he doesn’t want to interact with her anymore.

He says he is happy for us to spend time together with our daughter and eventually if it feels right, just the two of us. The idea behind this being to see if he can find those feelings for me. He doesn’t think he will but he is open to trying. 

How do I play this? Should I paint a smile on and just try and be the me he fell in love with? Thoughts from anyone with experience would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks

B


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## SunCMars

With the big belly come the typical big bug out..

From the father of the baby.

He married, this type marries a pretty women.
When she becomes a mother.....they get cold feet, they get horny for a slim women.

Men, all of them want to load a women's garden with seed, then a few balk when one seed germinates.

They are not marriage material.

He may change for the better, likely will fake and only go through the motions.

If you want the marriage to work out and you are willing to swallow your pride I would get back on the pill and resume sexual relation like he has never seen before.

Sex him day and night. See what happens.

Jeeez, why is this necessary?





Lilith-


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## Becky st

SunCMars said:


> With the big belly come the typical big bug out..
> 
> From the father of the baby.
> 
> He married, this type marries a pretty women.
> When she becomes a mother.....they get cold feet, they get horny for a slim women.
> 
> Men, all of them want to load a women's garden with seed, then a few balk when one seed germinates.
> 
> They are not marriage material.
> 
> He may change for the better, likely will fake and only go through the motions.
> 
> If you want the marriage to work out and you are willing to swallow your pride I would get back on the pill and resume sexual relation like he has never seen before.
> 
> Sex him day and night. See what happens.
> 
> Jeeez, why is this necessary?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Lilith-


Just FYI I now weigh less than I did pre pregnancy and the same as I did when we first met when I was 25. Also most human beings don’t abandon their families because of a fat belly.


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## SunCMars

Becky st said:


> Just FYI I now weigh less than I did pre pregnancy and the same as I did when we first met when I was 25. Also most human beings don’t abandon their families because of a fat belly.


During the pregnancy period many men go sniffing. More than you suspect. If you read many of the stories here on TAM you will see this.

On being slim, staying slim...kudos, congratulations!

I do not know why he married. Sounds like he was not 'really' in love.
Or some other women caught his eye......and never returned it. 
Now he has no eye for you?

Did he ever 'really' love you?

Did the bozo feel he was pressured into marriage?

What changed?
And why?

Lilith-


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## Laurentium

You say he seems very unlike himself. He needs to get his depression treated urgently.


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## Diana7

He sounds like a very immature man. How about you suggest some marriage counselling.


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## Becky st

He is seeing a therapist at the moment and wants to focus on that and his mental health before looking at seeing a marriage counsellor. I think that makes sense to take care of his health first and then look at us when/if he is mentally healthy.

He does sound very immature I agree and that just isn’t the man I know. He has a very successful career and is in all aspects outside of this situation a very sensible man. 

I just don’t know how best to be around him. I’m obviously upset and afraid for me and my child but I also want to remind him why we fell in love in the first place. It feels impossible to know how to be.


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## Openminded

Sounds like he decided to try out someone else (the flirtation at work) and got his head briefly turned. Now that's over (supposedly) so he's open to possibly rethinking you. If you're okay with maybe reconciling, be very, very cautious.


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## SentHereForAReason

He may some depression but let's be clear the issue symptoms, the behavior and the actions all point to his 'affair'. 

Whether it was physical or not, he was emotionally invested into this other relationship and it fudged his mind up and in turn fudged up your life by his selfish actions. At this point, he is untrustworthy and anything he says may or may not be the truth. 

Sorry to say and this may seem inconsiderate to some but no, even in his getting help he is being selfish. He wants to focus on HIS mental health first? He has a young marriage and a 7 month old child that should take precedence over anything else in his life. If he lost his job, had a relative die or was robbed and saw his life flash before his eyes, that is cause for depression and for him to be all in on himself before he can effectively help you guys. No, he's sad and fudged up because of his own selfishness with his Girlfriend. 

His IC may help your situation but the IC may also do what sadly happens in a lot of these situations, where their only job is to suit their individual client. The client then preaches the what makes me happy and I want to be happy script and gives filtered info which provides back a desired answer from IC to justify.

My advice? He agrees to do MC in parallel with his IC, that is the least he can do.


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## Spicy

He's banging the chick from work. 

Sorry you are here.


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## Becky st

stillfightingforus said:


> He may some depression but let's be clear the issue symptoms, the behavior and the actions all point to his 'affair'.
> 
> Whether it was physical or not, he was emotionally invested into this other relationship and it fudged his mind up and in turn fudged up your life by his selfish actions. At this point, he is untrustworthy and anything he says may or may not be the truth.
> 
> Sorry to say and this may seem inconsiderate to some but no, even in his getting help he is being selfish. He wants to focus on HIS mental health first? He has a young marriage and a 7 month old child that should take precedence over anything else in his life. If he lost his job, had a relative die or was robbed and saw his life flash before his eyes, that is cause for depression and for him to be all in on himself before he can effectively help you guys. No, he's sad and fudged up because of his own selfishness with his Girlfriend.
> 
> His IC may help your situation but the IC may also do what sadly happens in a lot of these situations, where their only job is to suit their individual client. The client then preaches the what makes me happy and I want to be happy script and gives filtered info which provides back a desired answer from IC to justify.
> 
> My advice? He agrees to do MC in parallel with his IC, that is the least he can do.


Hi Stillfightingforus 

You are so right. I’m going to give him a few weeks to get comfortable with his therapist and if he isn’t willing to start MC then then he isn’t willing to try or work on anything. Thank you for your straight forward advice.


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## SentHereForAReason

Becky st said:


> Hi Stillfightingforus
> 
> You are so right. I’m going to give him a few weeks to get comfortable with his therapist and if he isn’t willing to start MC then then he isn’t willing to try or work on anything. Thank you for your straight forward advice.


Hold firm on that. This is your life, you can show him compassion, you can show him forgiveness and even give him a chance but when it comes down to it, 'this' is on him and it's on him to make it right, no matter what he says. Which I'm sure it will be he was missing something, not getting all he felt he deserved in some aspect of your lives, etc, etc. He has to own this issue and show true remorse. You can give him time and I hope he pulls through for all 3 people involved. He may not know it now and you can't really convince him of it but he would be making the biggest mistake of his life. Just hope IC/MC can help him realize it.

Is he living at home now?


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## Ursula

I'm not sure if it's the same way with men, but I know that for a lot of women, once they've lost that being-in-love feeling, it's really hard to get back. I lost it for my STBXH, and it never returned. I would say for him to keep going to counselling, but add to that some couples counselling. He really does owe it to you and your baby. I would also be very wary if I were you, and I'd be checking his cell phone usage and digging around to see if he really is done with that gal at work. I'd also be wary if he suddenly does a 180 and wants to rebuild a life with you. While this may seem great, he may do another fast 180 again.


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## Becky st

He isn’t living at home now no, he has an Airbnb near by. My therapist told me to take his house keys away and he has to arrange in advance when he comes to see baby. She said if he wants to leave then do everything you can to revoke any rights he feels he has at home.


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## Becky st

Ursula said:


> I'm not sure if it's the same way with men, but I know that for a lot of women, once they've lost that being-in-love feeling, it's really hard to get back. I lost it for my STBXH, and it never returned. I would say for him to keep going to counselling, but add to that some couples counselling. He really does owe it to you and your baby. I would also be very wary if I were you, and I'd be checking his cell phone usage and digging around to see if he really is done with that gal at work. I'd also be wary if he suddenly does a 180 and wants to rebuild a life with you. While this may seem great, he may do another fast 180 again.


Thanks for the advice. I am keeping an eye on things as much as possible. I want to believe I would know if he was still up to no good but quite frankly the way he has behaved the last two months I have no idea who he is or what he is capable of.


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## jlg07

I hope you are seeing some lawyers at LEAST to get information around what you may need to do, what are your rights, etc.. I would do this as a proactive step just to get yourself prepared in case it all goes south. Sorry you are here - try to enjoy your new baby!


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## Becky st

jlg07 said:


> I hope you are seeing some lawyers at LEAST to get information around what you may need to do, what are your rights, etc.. I would do this as a proactive step just to get yourself prepared in case it all goes south. Sorry you are here - try to enjoy your new baby!


I have an appointment with a family lawyer next week to get things clear on where I stand.


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## Bibi1031

You are doing very well with the mess you are living. Sadly, your husband is indeed immature. I wish you would have seen the signs before making him a father. He should be ecstatic that you gave him that gift and instead he is falling very short of what his family needs. Two years and he is in over his head; not good at all.

Thank goodness your baby has a sensible parent left even if your heart is breaking. I am sure you didn't marry your husband and created a child with him for him to behave like this. It is not fair, but sadly it is common. The not giving him his cake and eating it too is good advice. He can't have it all. He can't leave you with all the weight of parenthood and he can take off to his single pad and chill. If he wants to save his marriage, he has no business living outside the marital home plain and simple. He is pretty much out, you do realize this right? 

No marriage can be worked on if you are living apart. Most of the time separation is followed by divorce and not the other way around. It is good that you are thinking of giving him a couple of weeks to think this over and make a serious decision regarding your life together. If he doesn't want to come home, then file and be free of his immature ways. You lost 2 precious years of your life. He can't afford to lose any more for this man. You have a beautiful baby that deserves better.

May all turn well and he comes to his senses, but if he doesn't; it will be his loss. You need to be strong for you and your baby.

((((hugs))))


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