# Flirting, I didn't remember how until yesterday



## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Well, 

Yesterday was the first time since my separation that I flirted with a girl naturally, it wasn't forced or anything it was like mmm...don't know, like when I met my x kind of a feeling, just natural. 

I don't know if it happened to you but after my divorce I felt like the ugly duckling, my self-confidence was non-existent, i asked myself and sometimes I still ask myself, "what can I offer to a woman?" "I may die alone," thoughts about never again having a significant other ever crowded my mind. 

It's been 5 months since this whole ordeal started but yesterday I guess was one of the greatest feelings of self-accomplishment I have felt in a long long time. I may never see the girl again, or maybe I will but what's more important is the feeling of, don't know, of being alive! I felt in control of my emotions, confident of what I was doing, making her laugh, feeling relaxed, looking straight into her eyes, looking straight into a girls eyes was something I couldn't do, I wasn't confident, I was shy, didn't know what to do or say...but not yesterday. 

About dating? I don't think I am ready, or maybe I am, it's just that I haven't tried. My divorce and pre-divorce, when everything was going pretty bad, took a toll on me. I feel that these past few months alone have taught me so much. Time will tell I guess. 

How has it been for you to just getting back into the dating scene?:scratchhead:


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

stbx,

I think your feelings after the divorce are natural -- I've had the same thoughts "what could I offer". Heck I'm a single dad and we are a packaged deal and I can't have anymore kids (snipped). So I think it is just another process that time will take care of at this time.

And although my ex w is plowing headlong into another marriage -- which will most likely crash and burn -- I find that I need time before I pursue something. Do I have my eye on anyone -- yes. But I'm not ready. I'm still figuring out "Who I want to be" before I get to "Who will go with me?" And that will take me some time. I know I need to know who I am and what I want to be before anyone else comes into my life. I've got a basic outline of that in my head -- just filling in the gaps. right now I'm just happy being my son's father.



I'm glad the flirting is becoming more natural for you. I've noticed myself being more natural at it as well.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Hi feeling, 

It is natural I guess, it's just that sometimes I get mad at myself because I don't take the lead on trying to be confident again. I guess I push myself too much, I didn't use to be like this, I had mentioned it before, I was freaking confident, I wasn't afraid of anything, but little by little I am remembering. I am even cooking for myself now, getting recipes and just experimenting among other things that used to bring me happiness. During the first months, I just ate outside, I didn't feel like doing anything, life seemed dull, empty.

My x is on the same boat and yours, she started dating somebody after just 3 months of our separation the divorce wasn't even final, for girls is easier sometimes I guess. I wish her luck but I've seen the same pattern repeated over and over, plowing headlong into another relationship without meditating about the deceased one and learning from it, the result? crashed and burned. That's why I am taking my time, although being alone SUCKS! 

I am also glad you are picking yourself up, moreover you have a tiny guy who needs his dad to recover 100% right?


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

stbx,

But are we really alone stbx? Through this I've learned I have some great friends and a great family. I coach my son's sports teams. I play pick up soccer games on Sunday with friends. Play in a rec league now. So I'm not alone. 

Yes, our x's don't care about reflection. At least mine doesn't -- for she truly believes it is always the other person to blame. One day it will dawn on her. Hey at least your x waited 3 months!! Mine was having an affair with at least one guy prior to separation, then 2, and now engaged to number 3. Quite a busy schedule -- no time to reflect. It is called avoidance.

Yes my lil guy, who is getting bigger all the time, needs me. The whole me.


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

I have to admit - your post filled me with a sense of panic. My wife and I have 'discussed' divorce, but agreed to marriage counseling for now.

Her borderline behaviours were very bad after our wedding. To put it mildly, I walked into a few encounters unaware in our early years, and came clean every time. Probably should have kept my mouth shut. These were just situations where women made blatant advances.

My wife went ballistic, so I worked really hard to become stupidly blind. Coworker on a business trip handed me the card to her room recently, so I turned it into the front desk.

Add 22 years of fatherhood, and I simply could not think of myself that way. I really hope I don't have to.


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