# Does your spouse know about that you're on TAM?



## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

Is anyone's SO on here but they don't know their screen name?

I was just curious. Mine doesn't but I don't think that she'd be upset if she found out I was doing something to better myself for us.


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## pulse (Mar 24, 2010)

I'd prefer he wasn't on here but it wouldn't altogether surprise me if he was as he's always "pretending" not to look at my computer screen when I know he is (I guess we all do that to some extent don't we !!!). 

He may not know my screen name but if he stumbled across some of my threads I guess he'd recognise that it was me. Anyway I trust I've not been in any way disrespectful coz he is, after all, the love of my life but we all have to vent sometimes. 

My main concern would be that he might take some things I've said the wrong way but if in doubt I hope he would come to me directly to clarify. Like you, I'm here to better my relatationship for both of us.


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## stoomey74 (Sep 20, 2009)

I never really thought about it. I don't think she knows I am on this, but she is on sites that I don't know. I am not hiding it, it is just something I stumbled onto while doing research.

So, she doesn't know but i am not hiding it either.

Cheers


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I told my husband I joined a marriage forum to find advice for our situation.

so I guess he knows!


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

"What are you doing here?"

i think this would be my reaction if my wife wound up here, reading n posting.

W does know i am here, as occasionally she's been around when i'm typing. being somewhat ignorant/naive tho', i'd say 
she doesnt fully understand nor appreciates TAM.
perhaps "doesnt care" is an option too.

oh well. 2 left in h.s. tick, tick, tick.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

No and I wouldn't want him to know anyway. He doesn't believe in forums, articles, research, therapy etc. He'd go crazy if he knew and use it against me too. 
And he'd rather join a dating site to talk to "someone" instead of finding a forum like this or a therapist. Yeah he said so himself that he only joined because he needed someone to talk to...when I suggested a therapist he said he doesn't need one. I guess that's what the dating websites are for...therapy.


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## aw5756 (Jul 9, 2010)

Yes, my husband knows and it upsets him. He thinks finding strangers to seek relationship advice from is dumb because for some reason unknown to me, he thinks that our marriage is so different from everybody else's that nothing anybody has to say could POSSIBLY be relevant to our situation or help in any way. I wish he would get on here. It might be an eye-opener. I find this marriage forum to be therapeutic since others can relate.


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## Robrobb (Jun 18, 2010)

I don't think my wife knows but she suspects. I've been making adjustments to how I interact with her based on advice from the forum. Yesterday she accused me of being self-help-booky. Before her EA it might have been me mocking her self-help attitude. Things change.

Our marriage counselor knows; he thinks it's great.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

Yes, my wife knows and reads the posts. I've been trying to get her to sign up and have her own screenname, but she'd rather just lurk. There were a couple of posts where I ended up getting punched in the arm (in fun). If anything comes up that I find interesting, we usually talk about it. She says I'm the loudmouthed extrovert, so she will just let me do the talking.


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## Anooniemouse (May 5, 2010)

Mine has kind of a double standard about it. She sees a therapist once a month, and has a ladies group she gets together with nearly every week to talk about these kinds of issues, but she does sometimes take offense if I'm discussing problems I haven't worked out with her first. (Online or otherwise). Not that it comes up much, the big issues are things that aren't resolvable, and she is well aware of them. 

If you need it, most browsers have a private browsing feature you can access by hitting "control-shift-p", and browsers like Firefox have a handy "delete recent history" option that can clear out 1-8 hours of history if you wish to handle it that way.


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## 55Kerolin (Jul 7, 2010)

Yes, My hubby knows I am registered, knows my nic and that I have been spending time here reading. He is also aware of my original posts. In fact, we both spent about 3 hours on here yesterday, reading, discussing, learning. He thinks it's a fabulous site and is getting so much from all that we read. It's nearly as good as Self Help Books, but these are real life situations, real emotions, real experiences, real stories, not to mention some insightful support, advice and suggestions. He does not feel or believe I am wasting time if I am on here reading, I usually end up discussing with him any posting that caught my attention or touched me in a big way. 
This site is becoming an integral part of our progress, growth and deveopment in our Journey towards discovering intimacy, reconnecting and improving our relationship and marraige. It has given us so much to discuss. It has opened our eyes and we have learnt we are not alone and not the only ones experiencing problems. 1-1 counselling is good and we are benefiting from that also, but this site so far has provided so much more. It shows us through others experiences what NOT to do. What can happen "If" such and such happened. We can both see ourselves in many aspects of others stories and situations here. See where WE DON'T want to be. Hubby now knows I am not alone or unreasonable in my requests for intimacy and emotional connection, many here are hurting the same for the lack of. He can see himself in so many ways. He is reading what he can do and why. I too am learning much about patience, understanding, committment, trust, control, self esteem. The reading and time we have spent on here since discovering it less than a week ago has been invaluable and so helpful to us. We are growing together strongly, living and loving and much to the help from this forum.
Being new to the forum, we are struggling trying to work out many of the acronyms. I wondered if there was a section where these might be explained?
MB, BH, YMMV, SAHM and many more. Some have been easy to figure out, others well, I'm a strugglin LOL.

CHEERS Kerolin


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

55Kerolin if you go to www.urbandictionary.com
You'll be able to use the search function and you'll get answers to all of the acronyms and current slang. 

It's interesting to see how so many of us want to learn from the others on the site to improve our relationships but it's so one sided. If your SO doesn't want to do anything or for you to be getting help, it just makes it that much harder.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Yes, my H knows I am on here. He reads what I post and he reads the responses sometimes. He likes that I can talk in here without any of our "in life" friends having to know all of our stuff. I do wish he would come post too, so I can learn more about him. Maybe in time.....


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## 55Kerolin (Jul 7, 2010)

AmorousWarrior said:


> 55Kerolin if you go to Urban Dictionary, July 12: Obsessive Computer Disorder
> You'll be able to use the search function and you'll get answers to all of the acronyms and current slang.
> 
> CHEERS for the Link  Much Appreciated.
> ...


I am over the moon ATM that hubby has embraced this site and the needed changes WE are BOTH working on. It was feeling hopeless and impossible for me One sided. I fail to see how you can or it can work when one sided. But I am also reading and starting to understand that at least if you focus, concentrate and work on at least you, then it can shift the dynamics and give the relationship a chance. Being a better focused you can NEVER hurt. 
*Reading the stories and people's experiences here, keeps you honest to yourself and your relationship, so you can't slip into denial and the illusional world of "I am ok Mate" It's all you or the rest of the world. (Quoted by hubby) who I am hoping to convince get his own nic and add his own comments.*


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband knows all about this board - from day one. 

I came here to spice up our sex life, we had a few issues over a period of months. He knows FOR ME, writing my feelings/emotions out somewhere, anything I am struggling with, has always helped me gain control over them, give me the focus & peace I need -eventually. He is fine with me coming here as long as it does not cut into our time together. I do it when he is working. 

I have shared all of my threads & answers with him. And other stories, he likes listening. He has zero interest in typing on any forums though, I only wish he did.


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## PoppyRivera (Jul 11, 2010)

Hi, my name is Poppy (not really, but anyway), no my husband doesn't know I am posting, he told me that he doesn't use the computer anymore, but that's a lie. All he knows is that I clean and I get on the laptop. Since I'm disabled and can't drive, this is my only way out of the house on a daily basis, unless he takes me somewhere, which he doesn't. 

Poppy:scratchhead:


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

No, I need to vent and work it out for myself without him influencing my decisions by being able to read my posts. I want to be honest and I feel if I knew he was reading, I would hold back to spare his feelings or say something that could start an argument. I just want to have someone to talk to that isn't going over to my other friends houses and blurting what I have confided to them or for them to think any differently about the hubby.


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## NoBodyAskedMeBut (Jul 25, 2010)

My husband knows that have this account. I don't feel the need to hide this; it's a healthy site. I am disrespectful to no one. Married or single, all relationships have issues. None of us are perfect. We are all here searching for ideas and/or solutions. I am my own person; therefore, I do not hide. I can't grow under restrict controlled conditions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i really dont know if she does, wouldnt bother me if she did


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## wilted_flower (Jul 25, 2010)

I gave my husband the link to this forum, since we are just now beginning to address some issues that have been festering for awhile... but I really don't think that he'll be on here any time soon, much less wondering which one is me. 
If he wants to know, I'll tell him. But I agree with another poster that it's easier when I don't think he's reading any of it so that I am not censoring myself in anyway, even subconsciously. I feel I can be more open and honest if I'm not worrying about his feelings or if I am saying something catastrophic. 

But again, if he wanted to know, I would tell him my SN. It's all things (well not that I've said anything yet) that he's aware of. And I just want to figure things out and make them better, like he does. No fault in that!!


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Simple answer...No.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

My wife doesn't know.

She is the type that feels that any discussion of marriage, sex, etc... should be done in the house. it took the threat of divorce to actually get her to a marriage counselor and even then she hated talking about our problems with a stranger.

I find anonymous advice tho be refreshing. It usually comes from people who have been in the situation before and knows what worked for them and what didn't. 

It also provides advice not clouded by friendships/relationships. People tell you what you may not want to hear and that is probably why my wife doesn't like this kind of forum.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

my husband knows because I have printed off a couple of things for him to read, don't think he has been on the site himself. He was the WS in our situation and I think he realizes what mistakes he has made and he has been very understanding and supportive of where all of this has left me emotionally.....
He seemed to know instinctively what he should have learned and accepts his decisions, so reading and learning is not something he needs. But understands why I would want to know that what I'm feeling is normal and knowing that the forum has a lot of caring supportive people on it.......


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Nope... this is my "safe place" to rant, vent, and get objective feedback before speaking to my wife.


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## housefullofmen (Jul 9, 2010)

I'm with tamara! My hubby doesn't know about it, but I wouldn't deny it if he learned of it. He's of the opinion that if it makes me feel better, then do it!


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

I know this is an old thread, but I stumbled on it and was wondering about it myself.
My husband does not know I'm on TAM. He wouldn't "mind" or have a problem with it, but I kind of would rather he not know because it's therapeutic for ME, in addition to the therapy that he and I are doing together. TAM is definitely not something I'd see my husband doing, as I think he believes it's a way to dwell too much on "issues" instead of "reality." 
That's ok with me. I find it very beneficial to get support from other people's experiences, and I also am very interested in learning about them, and helping other people who are going through similar things.
I feel encouraged when I see I'm not alone in an issue or problem, but my husband doesn't look for situations to identify with, like I do.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

tamara24 said:


> No, I need to vent and work it out for myself without him influencing my decisions by being able to read my posts. I want to be honest and I feel if I knew he was reading, I would hold back to spare his feelings or say something that could start an argument. I just want to have someone to talk to that isn't going over to my other friends houses and blurting what I have confided to them or for them to think any differently about the hubby.


:iagree:


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## Joanie (Oct 24, 2010)

Mine knows and couldn't care less. I found this site by accident but found it so interesting and informative that I continue to read it daily. Right now we are in a really good place but good to know that if that changes, there is a safe place to vent and possibly get help if need be. I think it's an amazing site!


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## Almostthere (Oct 31, 2010)

My H knows, I don't feel I need to keep it a secret, but he doesn't get the site at all or understand why I seem to be in such a better mood since finding it!


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

My husband does not know and I don't want him to. This forum has been an outlet for me to talk about the things in my marriage and life that have bothered me because when I talk about these things with him, he shuts down and doesn't listen. 

If he found out, I would be mildly embarrassed but would state that discussing my problems anonymously helps me to gain perspective, esp. if I am the one being unreasonable. I want to be in a family where you can call each other out if your out of line, one that is honest, and doesn't rely on assumptions and buried grudges. But that family doesn't exist, so I find solace in this forum where honest answers to my questions are given.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

My hubby knows I'm at TAM everyday. It makes him nervous because somewhat it means there's a problem in the marriage, that's why I'm here. The interesting part is he doesn't really care about what I wrote & he never checked my posts because he would like avoid discussions.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband knows that I am addicted to TAM.

He says please don't keep on pressing f5 button to see if there is something new. 

He knows me and he supports me for what I am doing here. He laughs at me for the silly things I did sometimes. He loves it when I share with everyone our sex secrets. And he warns me not to do stupid things. He helps me when I need his opinion. 

He has also registered on TAM, but he only logs in when I tell him there is something HE CAN HELP!


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## dontwanttoloseher (Aug 21, 2010)

don't think so but she does always accuse me of looking for advice on different forums.
Who knows, maybe one time I forgot to delete my history or if she has a key logger program on wouldn't surprise me either.
She is the one that taught me how to go to Verizon and check the phone numbers as she has checked up on me and threatened a few times that any phone number from ex's or female friends that they sent me on Facebook had BETTER NOT be on my phone log..
never were, but did teach me how to look hers up.


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