# Second affair



## musicforme (Apr 12, 2009)

My husband and I have been together since high school. We were very loving and we have seven children together. Since we have been married (10 years) he has had two affairs. I found out about the first one but we were so young that I forgave very quickly and we did the marriage counseling thing and I thought it worked. He told me that he could never put me through that pain again and that it hurt him to much. Now 5 years later he tells me he has a friend of about two weeks and felt so bad that he had to tell his best friend which is supposed to be me...I feel so hurt and betrayed. I do not know how to begin to forgive. We are going back to counseling because he says he loves me so much. He says he wants unconditional love and that he is sorry. I am so hurt that I don't know what to do. My whole life is wrapped around this family unit that we have created and I don't feel like I can walk away. I have no one to talk to and I feel all alone. This forum is the first time I have communicated this to someone other than him....what do I do...


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Music,

DO NOT FORGIVE, NOR FORGET.

Please do research on habitual cheating, do not fall into a spiral of cheat and forgive.

He loves you so much, in 28 yrs I do not have a mirco second thought as "I love my wife".


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

the longer you provide a safety net for him, he knows he has the best of both worlds.
your life depends on what you want from your marriage.
it sounds like an open marriage from his point (in an affair type ) way.
its just what do you want ?
because he wil carry on.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Just,

That is the issue, one of the reasons a cheated on spouse must totally control the other.

If control not possible time to move on.


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## tyrant (Mar 29, 2009)

music,

did he explain to you why did he have that affair? my husband had 3 affairs in 2 years. we are in counselling, and of coz i am in denial that things will work out. though i am not holding high hopes at all.

the difference is, your hubby came clean with you. mine didn't and i found out myself. my hardly show any remorse. though he say he love me.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

did he explain to you why did he have that affair? 


** Unbridled sex is the main cause.

my husband had 3 affairs in 2 years. we are in counselling, and of coz i am in denial that things will work out. 


Why both of you, perhaps he needs a porn star wife (most multi affiars is seeking this). So what you deny it will not work out, that is your choice.


though i am not holding high hopes at all.

So call the shot when ready.

Live strong.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

reidqa said:


> Just,
> 
> That is the issue, one of the reasons a cheated on spouse must totally control the other.
> 
> If control not possible time to move on.


im only asking , but if your H has had multiple affairs ( 3) in such a short space of time, then why havent you moved on.
as you say above , if control not possible, isnt it time you moved on.

my ex cra**** on me vigorously with affairs and one night stands.
i got rid of him.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Just.

Many people are weak, so moving on isn't easy. The user knows the weakness and the affairs continue.

The user will feed and enjoy life, the weak one will suffer.

Then life is over.

Move on.


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## tyrant (Mar 29, 2009)

reidqa,

thanks for answering..

well, i love him, i understand that by forgiving him he will continue, but we have 2 kids and i understand of coz kids shouldn't be a factor. 

you may be right that he wanted a porn star wife. becoz that's wat i used to be. all these mini affairs..started after i got pregnant with first, and got worse after my 2nd. basically i am totally NOT INTO sex anymore. but i still dun think its an excuse to get acquainted with girls outside. though it have never got to sex, he mentioned if i did not intercept early, he also wouldn't know what will happened. we are also loaded with lots of peripheral problems like debts etc. 

I agree that i may be too weak to move on by my own together with the kids. though we are financially independent of each other. but besides that, me & hubby are great together as buddie of life. so how do you view this? 

have anyone see repeated cheaters change??


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Tyrant,

Based on your post (great one) its your call.

Some people live to death as such, some live due to survival and die full of regret and sorrow. The years lost is the regret.

This is your call now, sit back and think it is 2030 and you both are old how do you feel.

That is where in your mind you must go.


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## michelle77 (Oct 7, 2010)

I say do what is best for you. If you can live with his cheating ways than work it out.

If it's going to nag at you for years on end and make you miserable like it would me, then file for a divorce and put this behind you as quickly as possible.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

...digging up old threads more than a year old from the sands of time...


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