# Imago Therapy during separation?



## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

My husband moved out after being with me for 15 years (married 9) and said he needs time to think things through during a trial separation and wants to go through individual therapy and marriage counseling at the same time. We've had a seemingly normal marriage (with many issues, but no fighting, no break ups) until the last several weeks when things have been very rocky. After meeting with a marriage counselor a few times and reading Getting the Love You Want (I already finished and he's still working on finishing), we know that we definitely have an emotional wall, lost our connection, and have LOTS of work to do. My husband is now questioning whether or not he had any real feelings for me, but his feelings are clouded by the negativity from the past several weeks, even months between us. I was devastated, seeing as we've been together 15 years and have three children - 4 1/2, 2 1/2, and 9 months. 

Anyway, he felt it was best to move out and have time to think on his own. He still wants to continue counseling and attend a weekend workshop. My question is, how do we work on a relationship when he's not living here? He feels like he can't think here. Though he is here just about every night to have dinner with me and the kids and do stories and bedtime with the kids, he feels like this is not his home and he feels like he just can't reflect on his himself and his feelings here with me. 

His plan is to live in this apt, be here for the kids, try and work on our relationship in the evenings, then go home. 

Has anyone gone through Imago Therapy during separation? 

I am so confused. There are deeper issues that I know we are both responsible for. Alot of deeper issues that I think we were in denial about and brushed under the rug, which forced us to lose our connection because we weren't able to deal with our traumas together productively. 

Anyway, that was long and drawn out. So, has anyone gone through it during separation?

Thanks for all the information you can provide. I'd just like to get a shot of optimism from a couple who have gone through it and have been successful.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I am separated and have gone through counseling while in it. It definitely isn't a good situation, but there isn't much you can do differently. 

Things in my story are looking better. It is possible, but very hard.

blessings and best of luck


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

Thanks for the reply. Can you share details? It's hard when you feel alone in your situation. It's hard to find people going through what you are going through.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

"My question is, how do we work on a relationship when he's not living here?"

I have the same problem. I had a session with my therapist yesterday and asked the same question. There is no good answer when the other person is driving the bus. My Walk Away Wife calls me about every other day and will stop by to pick-up a few things about once a week. We will talk and do lunch, but nothing really gets worked on.

And if like me you are doing the 180, you would be breaking the rules suggesting that we need to work on it.

It is frustrating as hell. Our only choices then become staying with it or moving on. Most important is taking care of ourselves, which makes me think it would be move on, but that is not what I want at this point.

Guess we just need to give them time and space and work on ourselves.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

My story is in my profile. Since then we have been doing counseling and been separated.

The situation sucks for me, but there isn't anything I can do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lpsscc (Oct 31, 2011)

My therapist recommended that my wife and I stay separated... been that way for 6 months. It's actually given us time to miss each other and reflect what we want out of the marriage and the problems that lead us there.

Funny thing is my W asked me to leave... now I am rethinking reconciliation and she is moving towards reconciling...


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I had lunch with her today and it was all business and cordial talk. It is bizarre when I think about how just a month ago we were initimate and she repeated she loved me. Who is this person?

At the end she gave me a hug, but nothing was discussed. She is not wearing her wedding band, but had claimed a week ago that her goal is to repair the marriage. Sure doesn't seem like her goal is matching her actions.

Living in marriage limbo is a dead life. God help us!


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