# Parents of cheaters



## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

I was ruminating tonight about personal integrity and how much it means to me to know that mine is intact. Not only does it matter a ton to me, but I can't imagine what it would do to my dad if I had lost it. Anyone out there have a cheater son or daughter? How does it affect you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Cheating isn't the only way to lose one's personal integrity, arguably.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

Ok, agreed. Any comment about cheating children particularly?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

My son is only five, so ... no. 

My father was a serial cheater. I supposedly have siblings all over the place. His mother half encouraged him because she felt he could "do better" than my mother, and his screwing around was a way for him to find someone better. (Usually other men's wives.)


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

TheGoodGuy said:


> I was ruminating tonight about personal integrity and how much it means to me to know that mine is intact. Not only does it matter a ton to me, but I can't imagine what it would do to my dad if I had lost it. Anyone out there have a cheater son or daughter? How does it affect you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It would be a threadjack, but what do you think about including how cheating has affected parents? I've seen people here report everything from "his/her parents are horrified" to "the parents blame me, of course".


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

Forest said:


> It would be a threadjack, but what do you think about including how cheating has affected parents? I've seen people here report everything from "his/her parents are horrified" to "the parents blame me, of course".


Not necessarily a threadjack. In fact that's exactly my point. I would imagine most parents would be horrified/mortified, unless they themselves had cheated in the past.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

TheGoodGuy said:


> I would imagine most parents would be horrified/mortified, unless they themselves had cheated in the past.


I am a wayward and if one of my children cheated on their spouse I would be very disappointed. I can't say that I would be horrified/mortified though. They would have to do something much worse and unspeakable for me to feel that way. 

I of course would still love them the same. I think most people are upset when there relatives stray, but I doubt anyone would seriously disown their child over it.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

Thanks RH. Having lived through infidelity, I can assure you it is both horrifying and mortifying at times.


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## rubymoon (Jul 21, 2014)

TheGoodGuy said:


> Thanks RH. Having lived through infidelity, I can assure you it is both horrifying and mortifying at times.


I've been cheated on and never cheated myself. If my kid cheats (he is way too young for that now), I will not judge. I will love him the same. 

I would never cover for him, and would never approve/support his cheating, but whatever happens between him and his wife, is none of my business.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

TheGoodGuy said:


> Not necessarily a threadjack. In fact that's exactly my point. I would imagine most parents would be horrified/mortified, unless they themselves had cheated in the past.


One of my former coworkers had a daughter who cheated in her marriage. He had an extremely hard time dealing with the affair and her actions. He eventually tried to kill himself and sought counseling and treatment. 

He was absolutely devastated that his daughter could have done this, especially for the trailer trash who became the new mr. Perfect. He had a very good and close relationship with her husband and still does. 

He won't even be in the same room with her now and this has gone on for several years. He is well off financially and has publicly stated she will never see a penny from him. He is "old school" and his word or promise, family name mean more than anything.


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

rubymoon said:


> I've been cheated on and never cheated myself. If my kid cheats (he is way too young for that now), I will not judge. I will love him the same.
> 
> *I would never cover for him, and would never approve/support his cheating*, but whatever happens between him and his wife, is none of my business.


Agreed, and I would be the same way. However sometimes I get the feeling that some of the parents in the situations we read about here don't give a rats ass, or cover for them or rug sweep like it never happened. Or for that matter, who knows if they are getting the whole story anyway

I'm not sure where I was going with this one.


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## rubymoon (Jul 21, 2014)

TheGoodGuy said:


> Agreed, and I would be the same way. However sometimes I get the feeling that some of the parents in the situations we read about here don't give a rats ass, or cover for them or rug sweep like it never happened. Or for that matter, who knows if they are getting the whole story anyway
> 
> I'm not sure where I was going with this one.


I know. My former mother in law covered for my ex. And at the time, she lived with us, so no one fed her any stories - she was a part of our family. She always believed he deserved a better deal in terms of finances (mind you, I was already making more than he, but his OW was even better off than I). I was devastated at the time, but you know what? Now, I don't judge them either. If money is so important to them, then they used their best judgement and did the right thing. And at the end, I am so much happier now than I could have ever been with my ex. 

Back to the topic, I think I love my kid way too much to judge him. Though I always teach him to take into consideration how his actions impact others.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

TheGoodGuy said:


> I was ruminating tonight about personal integrity and how much it means to me to know that mine is intact. Not only does it matter a ton to me, but I can't imagine what it would do to my dad if I had lost it. Anyone out there have a cheater son or daughter? How does it affect you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My children know they would be crucified.

Three out of the four are married and we have had that conversation. 

My Parents would have crucified me.

My mother would have taken my inheritance and have it go straight to my wife and children. (more than 500K)

55


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

just got it 55 said:


> My children know they would be crucified.
> 
> Three out of the four are married and we have had that conversation.
> 
> ...


That's old school 55! I like it. And I think to Ruby's point, I wouldn't necessarily disown my children, but I could definitely see putting some major consequences (like these 55) in place.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

TheGoodGuy said:


> That's old school 55! I like it. And I think to Ruby's point, I wouldn't necessarily disown my children, but I could definitely see putting some major consequences (like these 55) in place.


It would break my heart to do it

But ....my parents never threatened
they followed through on their word.

My children know this by the way they were raised.

Damn if all four didn't turn out just right.:smile2:

55


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

My ex H's parents and mine are all gone and were before he (as far as I know) started cheating.

I think his Mom would be mortified to know he left me - and his son, her only grandson who she adored - for some OW he barely knows. She would still love him, but she would not be happy about it. The ex H's brother is not speaking to him because he's so angry with him about it, and his sister, while she still speaks to him, told him "Don't you dare even think about bringing that ***** to Dad's funeral" (their Dad passed in June - he knew only that we were divorcing, but not about all the whys).

My Dad left my Mom for another woman, and I believe he cheated on my stepmom years later. He would be mad at my ex for hurting me, but wouldn't be in a position to judge.

My Mom didn't really like my ex all that much and thought I deserved someone warmer and more loving. She died when we'd been married a little over a year. I should have listened to her.


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