# Am I too sensitive?



## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

Sometimes I feel like I might be too sensitive or overreacting. But then other times I am wondering if I am HOPING that I am sensitive because that would be an easy fix. I feel like my husband continually puts me down and gets mad at me. So....of course I think it's normal for people to get mad at each other, but its over EVERYTHING. For example...a month ago I wanted to clean the dining room table so we could all sit down and eat. My husband used LITERALLY the whole table for his laptop, paperwork, and other stuff. I asked him if I could put everything in the Microsoft bag that was on the floor and he said yes. So I did. Tonight he came in upset because the bills he put next to the mixer in the kitchen were missing. He was going on about how I always misplace things and not to touch the important things and now we are going to be late on the mortgage. He eventually found them in the Microsoft bag that he put upstairs. I couldn't remember putting them in there because it was a month ago and I thought that it had already been taken care of. It's stuff like this all the time. I have talked to him before but he gets really upset quickly if I display any hint of being upset. So I clam up and don't say anything and he'll say "I know something is wrong. What is it?" and when I finally tell him (and I know how to use the nice language so he doesn't feel threatened or under attack) he get's mad. Yesterday I spent a long time making cupcakes for a BBQ. When it was time for me to bring them he comes around the corner eating one. I was already worried I didn't have enough. Yes it was a stupid cupcake, but I was a little upset that he didn't ask first, or just felt like he could do that when they were arranged on the platter. So I said next time can you please talk to me first because I had been telling the kids no all day because I had just enough to bring. Then he slams the half eaten cupcake on the counter and walks off pissed. I feel like I am damned and walking on egg shells. We have so many issues like this. My step son is autistic and sometimes will throw things. He has broken 2 iPads. I bought 4 iPads for my Kindergarten class and have them at home for the summer. When my SS comes over my husband will give him my iPads to use. I ask that he not use them or bring his own from home and I get in trouble for that. AND he continues to use them. I don't feel like my husband listens to me or actually cares. He is now sitting on the couch waiting for me to come join him so I can give him his night BJ and I just want to run upstairs and hide. Oh and I'm going to see my niece for her 1st birthday party and because I am flying and not driving (14 hours) I have apparently ruined the family vacation and we are not going on vacation this year because I am the only one that gets to fly.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I've read your other posts. Doesn't exactly sound like a very happy life. 

Why are you still with him?


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

He sounds very immature and selfish. By the way you are under no obligation to give him a night anything or in the morning either.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

KM, sound like he has no respect for you at all in any way, shape or form. It is time to be by yourself again. 

By the way he is acting and treating you I can see why his first wife might have left him as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mist42 (Jul 6, 2016)

Is he stressed? He might be getting "burnt out"
Burnout Prevention and Recovery: Signs, Symptoms, and Coping Strategies for Mental Exhaustion

The worst part about hitting the "burnt out" is that even simple questions like "what is your phone number?" or "how are you today?" hit the big red overload button. 

Typical signs are forgetting things, making piles and disorganisation beyond normal, and flying of the handle at even simple things - as the person is simply trying to do to many things, trying to organise, then not keeping up. The not keeping up is frustrating, and it makes _everything_ that happens feel like another kick in the head. So the person tries harder to organise and move forwards but fails, and the stress reduces their ability to cope, and destroys the ability to deal with frustrations gracefully.

Check out the information but it sounds like its him not you. (since work on table is ok at work or in den/workshop but using household table means knowing dinner is going to happen [ie shared space])


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## Married27years (Jun 16, 2016)

Why are you "rewarding" his behavior with a nightly BJ? Tell him you aren't in the mood and go take a nice bath by yourself.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you read the book Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men?

Sounds like you're due.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

Expectations.

You need to clarify them and agree on them. In the absence of that, there's this sense of entitlement.

So, if the dining room table is cluttered with his stiff, ask him to clean it up.

If the cup cakes are out...an obvious temptation!....and you have other plans for them, tell him.

Relationships work based on communication, not mind reading. Work on that directly with him and see if it improves.


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## Rasputin (Jul 26, 2015)

Oh wow. KM, what I saw throughout your entire post is a woman that cowers in fear of her husband. He's a domineering prick and you are meek and timid. Grow a spine and be assertive. I don't mean that condescendingly. I mean for that to be helpful. He's going to hate it and you're going to fight, no doubt. But you MUST stop him from dominating you like this. He's doing it because you allow him to and still reward him with BJ's. And when you demand respect, it has to be firm. Any hesitation, any fear out of you and he'll sniff it out and crush you. 

The BJ's must end immediately. You're rewarding him for being an a$$hole. Do you truly love giving BJ's? Some women do but I get the feeling you simply feel obligated. Reward him when he treats you like a human being. You deserve better.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Let him know that men who behave like spoiled children don't get blowjobs. Why are you rewarding him for his bad behavior?


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> Let him know that men who behave like spoiled children don't get blowjobs. Why are you rewarding him for his bad behavior?


Yeah, I get it. I have a really hard time wanting to just keep the peace. If we start arguing or I feel like he is mad at me I will have a panic attack. Literally. And I get that this is entirely my issue. I have been going to counseling to try and get to the bottom of all this. I feel like most of the time I am strong and strong willed, but he seems to get mad at irrational things and that's where I get stuck and don't even know what to say or do because it just doesn't make sense.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

The panic attacks are probably due to fear of losing him. If you get past that, and think about life without him, you will learn to accept that it might not be so bad, after all. Our greatest fears are usually what give us panic attacks (if you're prone to them) I think that ''losing'' him might not be so bad, actually. lol And he knows you fear this, which is why he doesn't care to change his behavior, or maybe he's just a selfish person and incapable of changing. I would stop giving him 'nightly bj's' and start taking care of yourself. ((be strong, hugs))


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

I have read a few of your other threads.
I see some similarity to my H and I do much what you do just try to keep the peace.

I think though you do need to stand up and say when you treat me like this no more bjs.
I do get it though saying that would probably result in one huge fight.
Just simply don't do it.
Keep yourself busy doing other stuff...go to bed and go to sleep.
I hope it gets better..it sounds like a really sh!tty way to live.



Sent from my iPhone


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Please read the book I suggested.


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> Let him know that men who behave like spoiled children don't get blowjobs. Why are you rewarding him for his bad behavior?





turnera2 said:


> Please read the book I suggested.


I will. I bought it awhile back and will crack it open. Thank you.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Katiemelanie said:


> Yeah, I get it. I have a really hard time wanting to just keep the peace. If we start arguing or I feel like he is mad at me I will have a panic attack. Literally. And I get that this is entirely my issue. I have been going to counseling to try and get to the bottom of all this. I feel like most of the time I am strong and strong willed, but he seems to get mad at irrational things and that's where I get stuck and don't even know what to say or do because it just doesn't make sense.


Start recording his temper tantrums. He doesn't have any respect for you at all and you are enabling him.

The next time he throws a temper tantrum, stand up for yourself and call him out on it. Tell him you will not be treated like this and when he is ready to behave like a reasonable grown up you will deal with him.

Stop giving him blowjobs, he needs a 2X4 not a blowjob to realise he needs to have some respect.


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## Rasputin (Jul 26, 2015)

aine said:


> Start recording his temper tantrums. He doesn't have any respect for you at all and you are enabling him.
> 
> The next time he throws a temper tantrum, stand up for yourself and call him out on it. Tell him you will not be treated like this and when he is ready to behave like a reasonable grown up you will deal with him.
> 
> Stop giving him blowjobs, he needs a 2X4 not a blowjob to realise he needs to have some respect.


This times 1000. Katie, you're weak and he's dominating you. I'm sure you don't appreciate hearing that but it's fact. It's why he continues to dominate you and it's why he won't stop. You need to be strong, assertive, and stand up for yourself. Every time you ask him pretty please...every time you hang your head and tuck your tail when he yells at you...every time you apologize when you did nothing wrong...you're affirming his dominance. You need to break this cycle. 

Marriages aren't about dominating and demeaning your partner. This is not ok. Break this cycle.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Do you think he will physically hurt you?


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

turnera2 said:


> Do you think he will physically hurt you?


If he gets off his medication (that seems to be really helping with his anger) then yes. But ever since he has started meds he has been a lot more calm. He has moments like this every month or two. Its definitely a cycle for sure.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Katiemelanie said:


> If he gets off his medication (that seems to be really helping with his anger) then yes. But ever since he has started meds he has been a lot more calm. He has moments like this every month or two. Its definitely a cycle for sure.


Get help from a woman's organisation who deal with violence in marriages. Start your exit plan.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You are for sure not "too sensitive." You are married to an angry, controlling, abusive a$$hole. You need to find your backbone and divorce this POS. I used to be the same way...meek and timid and conflict avoidant. If I can come out of that, so can you.


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