# Married with step children; considering divorce



## Crazycorgilady (Apr 30, 2018)

Hi forum,

I've been having a lot of marital problems and I am in need of some advice. 

My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years. He has two children from his previous marriage and we have one together. 

My husband's oldest is very manipulative and I'm not sure how much more I can deal with it. We get lots of phone calls from school, lots of meetings with the principal and school counselor. We'll call his oldest Marie for privacy. Marie bullies kids at school, she bullies her siblings, everything is someone else's fault.In a recent meeting with her teacher she said that Marie has everyone pegged and knows exactly what to say to cause drama and stir the pot with other students. Marie has been seeing a private counselor for about 3 years and everyone always says the same thing. She tells lies just for the reactions. She causes havoc on purpose and no one knows why. It has become a real stressor on our marriage.

Romantic wise is also a struggle. We haven't gone out in I don't even know how long. It's a chore and he never wants to go. Granted, he suffers from depression but I can't even get him to take me out to something that's free. We always talk about it, but I feel like my husband likes the idea of it more than actually doing it.

Back in 2017 he started to become verbally abusive. There was an instance with he pizza guy, where my husband got upset about the service and I encouraged him to still tip him. He told me that I should go **** the pizza guy. We would get in arguments and he'd call me a *****. I'd tell him I want a tattoo and he said "why, so you could do porn?" And things like that. I told him if he talked to me like that again I was done because our parents both raised us better. That was 6 months ago and he hasn't talked to me like that since.

Although every time I have ideas, or day dream about stuff he always puts them down. For example an acrade bar opened up and I said "oh that would be cool to go to" and he said "that sounds stupid. There's a concert coming up next month that I'd like to go to and when o suggested it he said "why would you want to do that?" I could go on and on and it's getting pretty exhausting. 

Everything is also a competition, like of I had a long day at work, he had a worse day. If my back hurts, his hurts worse.

I just feel stuck and I'm pretty unhappy. I don't want to give up on my marriage but I also need to be able to pursue my happiness so I can be a good parent.

Any advice would be appreciated.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are your step children and your child? How old are you and your husband?

How does your husband treat his daughter? Is it anything like he treats you?

Why are you stuck? Are you dependent on him financially?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Perhaps your H is a competitive perfectionist, which is a formula guaranteed to fail and he taught his daughter to be one too.

Why does he put you down? Because your ideas are good, but he doesn't have anything better and since he can't win it's better to make you lose. This becomes a lifelong strategy for some competitive people since everyone we meet is better than you at something it's best to become skilled at put downs and humiliation.

I have a brother in law whos entire sense of humor is pointing out other peoples flaws, however when he is attacked he grabs his wife and wants to leave, this guy is huge btw but has a weak ego. 

Hit your H back verbally and watch him fold like a house of cards, when he does so call him a P****Y.

Tamat


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

TAMAT said:


> Perhaps your H is a competitive perfectionist, which is a formula guaranteed to fail and he taught his daughter to be one too.
> 
> Why does he put you down? Because your ideas are good, but he doesn't have anything better and since he can't win it's better to make you lose. This becomes a lifelong strategy for some competitive people since everyone we meet is better than you at something it's best to become skilled at put downs and humiliation.
> 
> ...


So abuse him back and that solves exactly what? It is entering into a war. There is no resolution in answering foolishness with foolishness. She only gets sucked right into the drama.


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