# My Husband Cheated and got other woman pregnant.



## Mrs. Perez (Feb 28, 2017)

I am devastated to find out my husband had an affair and got the woman pregnant. How does one recover from that betrayal? Has anyone been in this same situation and if so any suggestions..


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I am sorry that you are going through this. I have not been in the position. I am sure some people from TAM have been and will be along to share with you.

Is his just recent? Is the child born yet?
Do you have your own kids?

You can recover from this with help from an IC. Have you told your family, you should.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

You basically kick him to the curb, tell him to take care of his new family and start a new life with someone who loves you enough to not cheat on you.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Vinnydee said:


> You basically kick him to the curb, tell him to take care of his new family and start a new life with someone who loves you enough to not cheat on you.


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## Grapes (Oct 21, 2016)

Sorry to hear this. When you say recovery what do you mean? I hope you mean your own personal recovery and not the recovery of your marriage. In my opinion there is not recovery of your marriage. Your H is going to have a baby with another women. That is just a complete shame and he isnt worth the dirt on your shoes.

You kick is ass out and take him to the cleaners.

Do you have kids?

If youre best friend came to you with this story, what would your advice be to your best friend?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Dump the chump.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Mrs. Perez said:


> I am devastated to find out my husband had an affair and got the woman pregnant. How does one recover from that betrayal? Has anyone been in this same situation and if so any suggestions..


1) Lawyer now- find out your rights - find a lawyer that eats a$$hats like him for breakfast
2) STD check - get a full battery
3) 180 - start it today
4) Eat
5) Drink plenty of water
6) Do your best to get sleep

7) This is an odd one - laugh - laugh at the absolute absurdity of what he did. Laugh hard and long - because if you don't the realization if what he did can crush you.

8) Door - point to it - "Get your stuff. Get out. Don't let the door hit you on your way to your (use what ever colorful word here to describe the OW)"

9) start divorce

Finally - don't know who originally posted this but it is genius:

Just Let Them Go

The end result?

The end result is to respect yourself in the end,
let go of the people that don't value you or respect you.

That is the end result.

The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner.

Seriously, the quickest way to get them back.

Nothing else works better or quicker.

Let them go.

Agree with them and their feelings,
"you should be with the OM, I hope he makes you happy, good bye"

Wouldn't that be true love?

If you really loved your spouse,
and wanted them to have what they really want in life which is the other person they're in love with,
wouldn't letting them go be the approach if you really love them?

Why focus on the affair or the drama associated with it?
Just let them go. Give them their freedom.

You can take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror everyday and improve yourself but do it for you, not for someone else, the changes will never stick when it's done for someone else, do it for your benefit and you will probably make those changes last much longer if not indefinitely - because it's for your benefit and you realize the importance and value in that benefit because YOU are involved.

I will never tell someone to change to entice a WAW back when she's been cheating on him. I don't care how bad a marriage, there is never an excuse for cheating. That is a personal decision that someone makes to cheat on their spouse. If a marriage is really bad, leave, get a divorce, speak up to your spouse and tell them flat out "this marriage sucks and if things don't change I'm going to leave you and find someone better" and if things don't improve, leave that person.

But cheating, no excuses.

Think about cheating.
A wayward spouse who cheats on their spouse goes behind their back, secretly, telling lies, feeling guilty, getting angry at their spouse for getting in the way of their fantasies but never owning up to their actions, never admitting what they're doing. If a person who cheats on their spouse felt justified in their actions, why hide and go behind their spouses backs when they start cheating, why lie, why make up excuses about late nights at work and going to a friends place and sleeping over because they drank too much and any other such nonsense?

Deep down, the cheating spouse knows there is something inherently wrong with their actions otherwise they wouldn't lie about their actions and hide what they're doing.

Fighting the affair? For what reason?
To compete with the OM or OW for your spouse?
What message does that communicate to your wayward spouse?
They have lots of value and you have none because now you have to compete with another person for their love? Competing with your wayward spouse's affair partner never works, it just prolongs an ugly drama filled process.

And for your last point,
The easiest way to show you will not tolerate cheating in your relationship is to let that person go. That is the easiest and most effective way to show this.

"Look wife/husband, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between your affair partner and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with them because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with them and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us and our children, I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."

You give them what they want.
You don't fight them on this issue.
You agree with their feelings,
they want to be with the other person, fine they should be with the other person, let them be with the other person.

You will never convince a person to change their feelings with your arguments and logic. You can not find one member on this website in a situation where they are dealing with infidelity where they got their spouse to change their mind about how they feel about their affair partner.

You can't say "don't love them, love me instead",
you can't say "look at me, I'm better in every way compared to your affair partner, pick me instead of them",
you can't say "you took marriage vows, you promised to love me"

I agree, you don't have to make it easy for your wayward spouse to have an affair, but when you let them go, "lovingly detach", you don't have to worry about making it easy for them. It's no longer your concern, they can have you or them but not both and not at the same time and since they've chosen to have an affair, they've made their choice, there is no profit in fighting that decision. Let them go and move on with your life, that is the quickest, easiest way to get them back.

You definitely don't support them financially and enable them, that would be weak, wussy, clingy, insecure behavior - something in you telling you that you need to support them financially while they're having an affair, hoping they'll realize how nice you are and come back to you.

Just let them go, have them move out or you move out and *live a good life without them*.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Mrs. Perez said:


> I am devastated to find out my husband had an affair and got the woman pregnant. How does one recover from that betrayal?


You don't recover.

At least, not fully and frankly not at all if you stick around to change your husband's babies diapers every other weekend and on Wednesday nights.

File for divorce immediately and save yourself from the personal hell you are about to experience.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have children with your husband?

How long have the two of you been married?


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

So sorry for your heartache.

First thing to do is to talk to a lawyer.
Because this baby is going to be your H's and your(if you stay) responsible for the next 18 to 20 something years. 
Will you be able to accept this innocent child into your life and not blame him for your H's infidelity?

This child is going to be a constant reminder of what he did. Then, your H is going to have to support this child for the next 18 years, how are you going to handle this?

What happens when the child visits? Are you going to help in his care? 

Unfortunately, you are not the most important part of the this occurrence. The baby is the most important, what is going to happen to the baby?

Are you ready to deal with this? If not, the get the hell out as soon as you can.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I agree with others. 
Let him go so he can own up to his responsibilities. Unfortunately they will always come before you now. 

He made his choices. You'll have to make some in your favor now. Sorry for the unfortunate turn of events. 

Are you absolutely certain the child is his? Was a DNA test done?


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## adegirl2016 (Dec 14, 2016)

I would have to leave. That baby IS the most important part of his, and if you are anything like me, you will always have negative feelings toward the innocent child. You won't be able to help it. Do you have any children now?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Dump him and get every fricking cent out of him you can in divorce court. So sorry this happened to you.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

jb02157 said:


> Dump him and get every fricking cent out of him you can in divorce court. So sorry this happened to you.


If you have children with this man, you need to fight for their rights legally. If you forgive him, he will do it again. I see this a lot in my family. Once a man cheats and has children with another, taking them back devalues YOU as a person. Don't lower yourself for this fool. Move on and fast.


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## ilove (Nov 21, 2017)

I'm currently going through the same thing. We have 3 kids together and he decided to have a 6 month affair and now that woman is about to give birth in 2 months. I started the divorce process but he keeps begging me for another chance. I feel completely stuck, my heart wants to stay but my head is saying to leave. This definitely sucks.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

If you don’t have children with him, this one is easy. Kick his sorry ass to the curb immediately and don’t look back. 

If you do have kids with him, not quite so cut and dried. 

As a man? My wife has an affair and gets pregnant....no coming back from that, kids or not. She’s gone. I’m not sure that would change were I a woman, but I am not and cannot speak from that point of view. 

You can get over infidelity. Question is, can you get over the fact your man who is supposed to support you and your children has now taken significant resources from you and your present or future kids because he couldn’t control his impulses? Or worse yet just wear a damn condom? That is no small question, as he has acted very contrary to the most basic animal thing women need in a man....protector and provider for her children. He failed miserably. And that will be hard for you to overcome. 

If you don’t have kids, cut and run. And save yourself a long life of misery with this man child.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Get a good lawyer and take him for all he is worth.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Please tell us more about your situation. My first instinct is to side with the majority here and tell you to castrate him in court as well as destroy his reputation.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

I tend to agree your marriage should be neutralized, but getting the woman pregnant does not, in and of itself and unless done intentionally, add to the betrayal. (albeit, it would make reconciliation next to impossible due to the constant reminder) For your own future peace of mind, ditch him asap.
As for a man in your shoes, and excuse my directness, I wouldn't stay around to raise somebody elses bastard kid. Raising your own is tough and expensive enough. And in the final analysis, without proof who's to say the OW ain't setting your husband up to underwrite her diddling around with any number of guys.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Yeah that one is a tough one and you would have to be a bigger person than I to deal with this one. If you marry someone that already has children, you know that going in and can accept it no problem. He would be this child’s father and would want to have them over for weekends and holidays. While it would not be the child’s fault, it would be awful tough to deal with and more than I could handle.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

For me the hardest thing would be that he would be having contact with his affair partner for many many years due to the child. That alone would make it impossible for me to remain with him. I could not handle that, nor have the child around who would be a constant reminder of the affair. Not the child's fault of course, but these things have terrible consequences. 

I have a friend this happened to. They had 2 young children together and then he cheated and she had a baby. He then lived with the OW for a while and then that ended. So he ended up with 3 children with 2 different women and single again.
She was very mature about it but they never got back together, and their children were deeply hurt. 

Its a horrible thing to happen, to cheat is bad enough, but to cheat with no birth control is appalling. Like anything else though, time helps, and in time you will be able to move on and hopefully find a good man who actually has some moral values.

You dont say if you have children, but this will be very hard on them. You also don't say where he is now. With her? With you?


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