# Advice from the experienced...



## SockMonkey (Feb 18, 2010)

I'm very recently separated, 1 week, living at home, fixing myself a basement apartment for now.

I don't really have much support and if anyone has a moment to read this and let me know what you think I would be grateful for the advice, especially those who have gone through this already.

Short story - married 10 years. After 8 years we rarely have sex, and act as room mates, best friends, rarely fight but nothing more than friends. A few times each year I bring up this "room mate" thing - he even has his own room. Nothing really changes.

4 years go I was very upset and he said he was sorry but "after I had kids he didn't find me attractive anymore". I lost 30+lbs and was close to my pre-kid weight but still nothing, discussed this again every 6 months or so.

2 years ago I told him if nothing changed I would leave.
Nothing changed.

I have been going back and forth, do I stay in a relationship with a friend and know he won't ever love me in the way I want to be loved, or do I go out on my own and hope that one day someone actually will love me that way again.

It seems like a crappy decision no matter which I choose.

Advice from those who have been here would be wonderful. I feel sick and confused and sad. he says he doesn't want to end marriage and he does love me, but it is clear he doesn't, he just doesn't want me to go.


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## Phoenixrfa (Mar 31, 2012)

I am new here and not as experienced as many others. I've only been separated a little longer than you. My advice: set yourself and your kids up apart from him. He is alright with the way things are and doesn't want to change. Change takes work and strength, He doesn't have either. You do. Take charge of you. Chat with others here. There is a lot of good advice here. Read about No Contact and the 180. Do what works for you. You are strong and you can be in control of your future. It is going to be hard and take time but it will be worth it.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

You've got to show him what he stands to lose. My guess is that he will be attracted to you in about 5 seconds if you really do it. 

Sounds like you're not so sure you want it to work anyway. 
Phoenix is right, you have to do what is best for you and your kids. Walk away and see what it produces.


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## SockMonkey (Feb 18, 2010)

Thanks so much to you both for your thoughts. I really appreciate it.


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## soconfused77 (Apr 24, 2012)

wow sockmonkey - i thought i was reading my story - only difference is were seperate last may got back together in october and now seperated again in this feb. its hard. he comes over everyday to see his daughter so that makes it harder. hang in there!


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