# About turn



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

My relationship turned sexless on the day we got married - no sex on our wedding night and no sex on our honeymoon (we had one night at a top of the range luxury hotel). I've been married nearly 2 years (we're both in our fifties and empty nesters) and in the past year we've had sex 10 times. Each time I had to practically beg for it, crying about our relationship and how undesirable and humiliated I feel because my husband doesn't want me. I then found TAM earlier this year and by reading other posts and comments, I realise that we're in quite a dire situation and that addressing the problems we have is going to be an uphill challenge. Firstly I still haven't been able to make my LDH understand just how seriously this is affecting our whole marriage. If he ever does take that on board, I then have the problem of trying to get my H to join in with me to do something about this. This is what I've been trying to do for the past year, with absolutely no understanding or effort from him at all.

Another problem I have is my H's personal hygiene - he has not bathed or showered for 2 weeks now and, although I've changed the bedding four times since he last bathed, I just don't like getting into bed with him any more. I certainly don't want to touch his skin at all and don't want him touching me - the thought of letting him put his penis inside me just disgusts me right now. He has a bad back this week which is making it difficult for him to do anything other than lie on the bed all day (last week it was an upset stomach) and needed help putting on his socks yesterday. I knelt at his feet to put his socks on and his feet were just so covered in dirt that I felt sick - I really didn't want to touch him. I've spoken to him time and again about his personal hygiene, but things seem to be getting worse rather than better. From what I've heard him oversaying to other men when they chat, he thinks avoiding washing is a masculine trait and thinks that men only wash if their wives insist on it. I've tried telling him that all the men I know choose to bathe or shower daily without having to be nagged to do it but he doesn't seem to believe this or realise just how important it is to keep clean. I know lack of washing is a sign of depression, but this is not depression - this is laziness and a misunderstanding of how men are expected to take care of their personal hygiene.

It's been more than 7 weeks since we last had sex and, to be quite honest, if he tried to initiate at the moment (bearing in mind that I am absolutely desperate to have sex) I would turn him down as I've begun to feel physically repulsed by him. I don't want his dirty, smelly skin next to mine. I am pretty devastated at this - I began my marriage with such high hopes for the future. In fact, I would rather move into a different bedroom and sleep alone in a bed that is clean and smells nice. I spend the night sleeping right on the edge of the bed as far away from his smell as I can get and so that there is less chance of our bodies touching during the night.

My sex life at the moment is basically masturbation (hand or vibe) when I manage to get a little privacy. I usually have to do this standing up in the bathroom, with the extractor fan on to cover the noise of the vibe. Until very recently, I would fantasize about my H while I masturbated. However, over the past week or two, that just won't do it for me any more and I've started fantasizing about others instead.

We went out to a local bar last night and again, a man who has recently been showing a little interest in me was there and flirted with me. My husband thought it was really funny that this guy "fancies the pants" off me (as he put it), probably getting quite a buzz that other men were looking at his wife. However, when this guy stood next to me, he smelled so clean I nearly swooned with desire!

I suppose what I'm getting at here is that the lack of desire from my husband, combined with his worsening personal hygiene has killed any desire I had for him and I've now lost my mojo for him. I know myself, know from past relationships just how difficult it can be to put things right when they go wrong. I'm really not sure now that I will ever sexually desire my H again.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

What have you done to address the issues? And if those things have made no difference (apparently they haven't!), why are you staying in the marriage?


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You mean you still sleep in the same bed with pig pen? Ugh! Yuck!

Good god woman seriously, you need to at LEAST move out of the bedroom?

Reading your post was revolting. Imagine if something happened to him and you had to be his care giver, bathing him, toileting him, brushing his teeth. You'd go stark raving crazy.

Move into another bedroom!


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Move into another bedroom!


In another building, preferably!


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> What have you done to address the issues? And if those things have made no difference (apparently they haven't!), why are you staying in the marriage?


What I've done to address the issues:

Asked, nagged, told him about how important personal hygiene is for me. He has taken no notice whatsoever - I've told him that he smells bad and he just says "Oh yes darling, I will have to do better" and that's about it.

The sex issues - we've had the talk several times. I've told him how important sex is to me, told him we needed to do something to improve our sex life, etc. He told me that he feels that at our age, sex is not important, we're too old to be thinking about it much (this is very different to what he was saying about our future sex life before we got married). Has promised to see a doctor next time we're in the UK (that was 6 months ago and we spent 2 weeks in the UK in August and he did not attempt to see a doctor, despite my reminders). This means another 6 month wait at least until he can see a doctor about this. Every time we have the "talk" he makes promises to do something about it and then nothing happens. I really think that he says what he says to calm me down and get things back on an even keel without any intention of addressing the problems.

We're still together because I've only just got to the stage where I no longer fancy him. I've spent most of my marriage (nearly 2 years) trying my hardest to address the no sex situation and have only just reached this stage where I would turn down sex with him (just the past week or two I've been realising). What will happen next time he initiates and I turn it down remains to be seen - whether this will finally wake him up to the fact that we have serious problems, I'm not sure. However, it's now gone on so long with me knowing we have problems and him refusing to accept that we have problems so I've been trying to make things better on my own. This has not worked and the situation is now worse than ever because I've lost my desire for him now.

He's on a much lower income than I am at present, has hardly any work coming in so separation into different households would be impossible - he just does not have enough coming in to pay rent, let alone to live on. We're also living overseas and I just cannot afford to pay to have all his stuff sent back home with him and at present, I cannot even afford the plane fare for him to go. It will be a difficult break up because we're living overseash - neither of us has any sort of support system at all. I would have to send him back to live with his father which I think would probably be unfair on both of them. We will need to separate at some point, but I will need to save up quite a chunk of money first. I have no savings and few prospects of amassing any savings over the coming months unless he manages to raise his income in some way.


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> You mean you still sleep in the same bed with pig pen? Ugh! Yuck!
> 
> Good god woman seriously, you need to at LEAST move out of the bedroom?
> 
> ...


AP - that was my thought exactly when helping him with his socks - if he needed that sort of care, I would have to hire somebody to do it, I can't bear the thought of touching him at the moment. 

As for the move into another bedroom - this is what I'm working on at the moment. My mum is coming to stay with us for a few days next week, so I need to get the spare room ready for her. Once she leaves, I intend to move into the spare bedroom - it's already my office where I work from home, so it makes sense for this to be my bedroom. It's my favourite room in the house and I think we could get on well as housemates rather than as husband and wife.


----------



## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

doobie said:


> ...From what I've heard him oversaying to other men when they chat, he thinks avoiding washing is a masculine trait and thinks that men only wash if their wives insist on it....


I've never heard or thought anything like this, and I'm a guy. I feel gross if I go >24 hours without a shower. I'll usually take a bedtime shower if there is possibility that Wife and I may get some personal time.


Does he just not value you at all? Seems like he married for an assistant, not a Wife.

EDIT: was composing when you replied again, he _DOES NOT_ value you at all.


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Redheadguy said:


> I've never heard or thought anything like this, and I'm a guy. I feel gross if I go >24 hours without a shower. I'll usually take a bedtime shower if there is possibility that Wife and I may get some personal time.
> 
> 
> Does he just not value you at all? Seems like he married for an assistant, not a Wife.


Same here Red, I bathe every night just before bed. I've always thought this is the polite thing to do if you sleep with somebody. It also means that when you do have sex, it can be "access all areas" if you're both properly clean.

I have explained to him that if you share a bed with another person, you do need to be washing all over or bathing at least every 48 hours, preferably every 24 hours. I really don't think he believes me that other men choose to wash without having to be forced into it by the women in their lives.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You are indeed caught in a difficult situation, since you are living in another country.

The other bedroom is a temporary solution while you find a permanent one. His concept of "masculine" may need a dose of reality by reminding him that "real men" earn a living to support their family, so right now you're the man of the house for all practical purposes (and he's not even measuring up in the bedroom).


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I suppose what I'm really trying to find out here is if there are any other HD spouses here who have finally reached the stage where they don't even want their partner any more. I'm wondering if anybody has managed to overcome this impasse and make a success of marriage.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

On second thought, maybe he's being a stinker because that is the ONLY "masculine" trait he can exhibit right now, since he's not the breadwinner nor is he functioning in the bedroom. It's one thing he can control, even if it is counterproductive.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, some HD posters manage to shut down and stay for their children but that's not your circumstance. What benefit are you getting out of this marriage?

Was he like that before you married him or did everything change after? Do you feel he married you for financial support and he uses his lack of hygiene to keep you away?

I remember your other threads. He has no interest in changing. Obviously, you have two choices.


----------



## OnAnIsland (Oct 3, 2014)

doobie said:


> I suppose what I'm really trying to find out here is if there are any other HD spouses here who have finally reached the stage where they don't even want their partner any more. I'm wondering if anybody has managed to overcome this impasse and make a success of marriage.


Good question. I have hit the exact same stage you describe, where my internal thoughts, fantasies and images of sex no longer include my LD wife. I used to yearn for her and thoughts of 'what could be' with her fueled my constant addressing of my own needs. Enough of that and one realizes that _what is_ with their partner is absolutely unfulfilling and sitting in the shower or the basement getting off to thoughts of a person who doesn't even want to have sex with you is a bit ridiculous and sad. To paraphrase the comedian Louis CK: 

I can get off to any woman in the world in my head. That's magical! Why would I think about my wife???

As to your H's hygiene issue... *what in the world*? I can somewhat account for his idea of being unwashed and masculine. In a previous version of my life I had stretches of days at work in Third World hotspots and showering was the least of the worries, let alone possible for days at a time. There was a certain rugged mindset that could embrace doing dangerous things and having no time or need for scented soaps and fluffy towels. The absolute first chance I got, however, I dove in a [email protected]^#!ing shower and stayed there until I felt like a person again! I cannot imagine living with a person that resists requests to simply clean themselves. If this doesn't get sorted out, this is absolute grounds for separation and divorce. This is literally not sane behavior.

I know you have very real issues with finances and having family ties spanning at least two countries. Do you have children? If not, GET OUT immediately. When a man cannot even her bothered to wash, any difficulties he encounters through his wife leaving him are entirely his own fault.


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Openminded - I have begun to worry recently that maybe he did marry me for financial support. I don't earn loads, just really enough to meet my own modest needs - I'm not a big spender at all and most of my leisure involves stuff like walking, gardening, yoga - all free stuff.
He did admit to me when we first got together that he was a "bit of a soap dodger" and I told him then how important hygiene is to me. He promised to change and wash more often. In our first apartment he found it very difficult because the bathroom was tiny so used that excuse. However, we then moved to a house with a huge bathroom and I really expected things to change. We got to a stage where he would bathe up to 3 times a week so long as I insisted. I would have to say to him "You need to bathe tonight" and then he would grumble, but usually he would do it. Sometimes he would put it off for another night (pleading tiredness, feeling unwell or too cold). It was always a matter of me having to tell him to bathe and him verbally resisting. I started to feel like the mother of a teenage boy, having to make sure he does the very basics of taking care of himself. Rather than carry on feeling like a nag, I just gave up several weeks ago on asking him to bathe. Since then he would voluntarily bathe on average once a week but it's now been 15 days since he bathed and the smell is getting dreadful. It kept me awake last night so I slept on the sofa instead. When I change the sheets, his side ends up with a dirty mark after one night because his body is dirty. He wears his clothes to bed most nights too and changes his pants and t shirt every other day on average. I make sure his laundry is done (I usually do his stuff on a longer, hotter wash to try to make it smell fresher) and that he always has plenty of clean clothes. I make sure the bedding is changed at least twice a week too - I run a clean household.

It could be that he mistakes smelling rancid for being manly, but I seriously think not. He's told me that during his first marriage he showered every day. I've told him that not keeping himself clean is disrespecting me and he was horrified at the thought of not being the perfect gentleman but it still hasn't made any difference.

I can't help the fact that I am earning most of the money coming into our household - without it we would have gone under a long time ago. I'm very careful not to make him feel emasculated about this - I'm very conscious of his feelings and when I do have to speak to him about any of these things (like the not washing as well), I find it really difficult as I don't want to hurt him.

I've calmly told him about what all this is doing to our marriage. I've told him that he smells and I've told him I can't live a celibate life in this way - I'm always really conscious that this must be really hurtful for him to hear - I'm apologising as I say the things to him. I'll say "Look, I really am sorry to have to say this and I really don't want to hurt you, but you smell awful at the moment and I can't get in the car with you again until you've bathed". I would be mortified if somebody had to speak to me about hygiene in that way, it would hurt me and I really don't want to hurt his feelings - I love him. However, I just don't want him any more. That is really, really sad.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

So before marriage the frequency and quality of your sexual relationship was good, and his hygiene was never a problem? The as soon as the vows were made he completely switched off? If so, then it was bait and switch and he clearly knows that what he is doing is wrong so it would be completely appropriate to discuss it directly and frankly with him.

As for my own wedding and honeymoon, it was somewhat underwhelming - so tired after the whole wedding I just wanted to go straight to sleep, but we did make love (first time PIV together too). And on our honeymoon I was so amazed to just be on a vacation for once in a very long time, that it was difficult to make the focus about just bonding in bed together.

I would recommend not letting whatever negative feelings you have about that one brief event from your past taint what you have now.

As to the other guy showing interest in you, you need to put up healthy boundaries for yourself and do not accept his advances because for most people when they feel attraction to someone else it starts coloring their perception of their spouse and/or rewriting history (perhaps it wasn't "really" two weeks since his last shower maybe it's been 3 or 4 days, perhaps his injury is in fact more debilitating than you want to think it is, perhaps its been only a few weeks since you came from sex but then there was attempts to initiate by him, or perhaps some other moments of intimacy, etc) I'm not saying you are lying, but perhaps you are exaggerating to make a point, or maybe even forgetting and omitting something that would otherwise be significant if your thoughts weren't turned away from your "disgusting" husband.

But if you are being truly honest with yourself, have identified and communicated your needs and he refuses to even try to meet them, perhaps it is best to end the marrige.


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Lon said:


> *for most people when they feel attraction to someone else it starts coloring their perception *of their spouse and/or rewriting history (perhaps it wasn't "really" two weeks since his last shower *maybe it's been 3 or 4 days*, perhaps his injury is in fact more debilitating than you want to think it is, perhaps its been *only a few weeks since you came from sex but then there was attempts to initiate by him, or perhaps some other moments of intimacy,* etc) I'm not saying you are lying, but *perhaps you are exaggerating to make a point, or maybe even forgetting and omitting *something that would otherwise be significant if your thoughts weren't turned away from your "disgusting" husband.



Basically, classic bait and switch.

Yes it really is two weeks (15 days actually) since he last bathed. Yes it really is more than 7 weeks since we last had sex. I'm not forgetting or exaggerating and I certainly know my own mind and am honest with myself. I've been keeping a note on a small calendar of the times we have sex and the times he bathes so that when I do speak to him about it, I know that I'm being fair and not over-exaggerating about things. He has made no attempt to initiate or to be intimate in any way at all. I've been more than fair with him about all of this, especially during the "talks" we've had as I would hate to hurt his feelings in any way. However, the alternative is that I am leading a thoroughly miserable day to day life. Things will come to a head soon and change, but I need to wait until after my Mum's visit next week - I really don't want to spoil her trip by letting her think that there is anything wrong with my marriage and start worrying about it.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You're kind of missing the point about a divorce/separation. The reason they work so well is because his problems (wait for it...) become his problems. If he can't afford a room, not your problem. If he needs to sell his stuff and move home? Not your problem. 

You're in the situation you're in because you haven't enforced your boundaries. And now you've relaxed them even more, simply reinforcing the idea that he can safely ignore your nagging, because you're not going to do anything about it. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

no sex wedding night, no sex on honeymoon. My wife would have wondered where i went with the car and my luggage on the third day!


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I'm starting to think that your H is nothing more than a childish d!ck. You can't stand his hygiene? He goes above and beyond by not bathing for 2 straight weeks! You tried to address the issue about a lack of sex? He breaks out big time sadist moves to make at least one of your sexual experiences a living hell (biting and pinching your clit, nipples and fisting too???).

Basically, your dynamic is along the lines of this:

You: H, please do this for me because it would mean a lot to me

H: fvck you! I'll do what I want and when I want!

You: This isn't fair to me, I beg you to do this!

H: Either he says 1) fvck you! I'm not doing it or 2) fine, I'll do it (and then makes you regret asking him in the first place).

I don't know how to help you because I think this is a lost cause tbh. Sorry.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

doobie said:


> Basically, classic bait and switch.
> 
> Yes it really is two weeks (15 days actually) since he last bathed. Yes it really is more than 7 weeks since we last had sex. I'm not forgetting or exaggerating and I certainly know my own mind and am honest with myself. I've been keeping a note on a small calendar of the times we have sex and the times he bathes so that when I do speak to him about it, I know that I'm being fair and not over-exaggerating about things. He has made no attempt to initiate or to be intimate in any way at all. *I've been more than fair with him about all of this, especially during the "talks" we've had as I would hate to hurt his feelings in any way*. However, the alternative is that I am leading a thoroughly miserable day to day life. Things will come to a head soon and change, *but I need to wait until after my Mum's visit next week - I really don't want to spoil her trip by letting her think that there is anything wrong with my marriage and start worrying about it*.


Two things then: 1) until you enforce your boundaries, nothing will change - if he isn't going to do what a husband does then leave him. 2) please don't use excuses to put this off such as pretending everything is ok to your mum - If your mom is someone that will love and support you then you are far better off doing this now and when she comes to see you she can actually support you when you need someone to help the most.


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Mm mm - no - my Mum is in her seventies and the last thing she needs is to be worrying about me and my happiness. I just want her to relax and have a good time. I don't have a close relationship with her and would rather not discuss my problems with her - I never have and it's not fair to start now. She couldn't cope with that sort of relationship with me - I've been looking after myself all my adult life and am perfectly able to negotiate a separation and divorce from my H without help and support. I also think the whole process will be calmer and easier to deal with if it's just me and him when we have to face up to this. This stage is very new at the moment - I don't want to rush into anything without giving him a fair chance.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

When you tell him you want out, that's when he's likely to promise the moon. It's less likely it will be a permanent change though and much more likely to be a series of temporary changes where you say you are getting a divorce and he says "wait" and you do. 

How long that cycle plays out is up to you. But he knows right now how you feel about sex and about his hygiene and it hasn't made any difference to him. He's content as things are and assumes you want to be married to him bad enough to put up with it. 

How he will manage financially without you is not your problem but he may bring that up when you are ready to go. My guess is that's important to him -- it makes his life easy. Be prepared.


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

OM 0 "be prepared" - yep, I am. I'm in my fifties, been round the block a few times and am quite self sufficient and able to look after myself. I've faced disappointment in the past and coped - I have a pretty overpowering sense of humour which helps. I think an honest chat in two weeks time is in order - I will definitely move into the spare room at that time to make my point that I'm serious and won't be placated by promises I will probably give him one last chance to make a difference, but will set a time limit on it so that he can't shirk doing something. That's about all I'm willing to do at the moment. I will also make it plain that I'm not willing to stay in a no sex marriage but that I don't want sex with him right now - he will have to do something to change that and make me want him again. If he doesn't come through within my time limit, I know I'll be fine. I've spent most of my adult life single and I know that I'm strong and capable to cope with whatever comes my way. I've always said that it's easier and more pleasant to live on your own than with a partner who is making you miserable.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening doobie
Leave. There is way too much broken here to fix it. 

Don't argue, complain, blame. Just ask for a divorce.


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

doobie said:


> He's on a much lower income than I am at present, has hardly any work coming in so separation into different households would be impossible - he just does not have enough coming in to pay rent, let alone to live on. We're also living overseas and I just cannot afford to pay to have all his stuff sent back home with him and at present, I cannot even afford the plane fare for him to go. It will be a difficult break up because we're living overseash - neither of us has any sort of support system at all. I would have to send him back to live with his father which I think would probably be unfair on both of them. We will need to separate at some point, but I will need to save up quite a chunk of money first. I have no savings and few prospects of amassing any savings over the coming months unless he manages to raise his income in some way.


You know, him not earning enough would not be your problem after divorce. He apparently does not care about you. He thinks he is set for life with you and you will take any crap. He needs to wake up or he will be hitchhiking to UK with duffel bag.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Out of curiosity, is he a tradesman? what type of work does one not have to be somewhat presentable?

Even out of work, he has to be ready for when he goes back to work.
are his skills marketable at all?


----------



## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

doobie said:


> OM 0 "be prepared" - yep, I am. I'm in my fifties, been round the block a few times and am quite self sufficient and able to look after myself. I've faced disappointment in the past and coped - I have a pretty overpowering sense of humour which helps. I think an honest chat in two weeks time is in order - I will definitely move into the spare room at that time to make my point that I'm serious and won't be placated by promises I will probably give him one last chance to make a difference, but will set a time limit on it so that he can't shirk doing something. That's about all I'm willing to do at the moment. I will also make it plain that I'm not willing to stay in a no sex marriage but that I don't want sex with him right now - he will have to do something to change that and make me want him again. If he doesn't come through within my time limit, I know I'll be fine. I've spent most of my adult life single and I know that I'm strong and capable to cope with whatever comes my way. I've always said that it's easier and more pleasant to live on your own than with a partner who is making you miserable.


Doobie, I know you didn't mention in this thread, but his excessive drinking is a problem too. How do you feel about that issue?


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Hi T&T - I don't like his excessive drinking at all. I'm not a drinker myself, never have been. I do enjoy a drink now and again and will get tipsy if we go out sonewhere but other times I order hot chocolate. Sometimes I go for 3 or 4 months without any alcohol at all. Sometimes I feel like getting a bit tipsy - I have been lately when we go out because I find it makes me a little more confident - I'm bright and outgoing and vivacious and a couple of drinks helps me to enjoy that. He likes a drink though and drinks on average 2 bottles of spirits a week in half bottle sessions. He can be quite good natured when drunk and has never initiated sex without being drunk (half a bottle drunk which would have me comatose). He's also on heart medication and his health is pretty crappy so I don't think he should be drinking for his own sake, let alone mine. However, he's an adult and he has to stop for himself - I know I can't make him stop - he's the only one who can do that. Before we married he did cut down on his drinking but that's another thing that seems to have fallen on the wayside. In the earlier days of the marriage I did try to have some hope for the future when things started to go wrong, but that's just about gone now and I'm just looking forward to getting out when the time is right. I suppose that what this thread has stemmed from is that over the past two weeks or so I have emotionally disengaged from my H and my marriage. It wasn't intentional and I'm really not sure if there's anything I can do to reverse this. I did warn my husband quote some time ago that this is what happens with me and that this time would come unless things changed. I guess he's made his choice.


----------



## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

I assume you are in a rental, right? When does the lease expire? Why don't you file for divorce now and just live as roommates (move to spare bedroom) until the lease expires? Let him pay his half of rent and let him worry about making enough to save up to move back to the UK if he wants to. At the end of the lease, be sure your name is removed and if he chooses to stay there, he is on his own to pay the full rent.

If you stay married much longer, you will end up having to pay spousal support.

You have brought all these issues up repeatedly but don't seem to want to really do something about it. It seems obvious by now that he will never change and is actually getting worse. What miracle do you expect is going to occur that he will now suddenly think your needs matter?


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Doobie, I think the fact that you've lost attraction for your drunk, filthy, underemployed jackass of a husband who only gets off on physically abusing you is a fine thing, and long overdue.

Leave.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening doobie
> Leave. There is way too much broken here to fix it.
> 
> Don't argue, complain, blame. Just ask for a divorce.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

This this and only this!


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> Doobie, I think the fact that you've lost attraction for your drunk, filthy, underemployed jackass of a husband who only gets off on physically abusing you is a fine thing, and long overdue.
> 
> Leave.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I'm sorry but a person not showering for 2 weeks would have me running for the hills. Add on all his other problems. Which are all things that are also clear lines for me and I just don't understand why you are still together? Each problem is justified alone to leave, and he has many!

This man is broken, not to mention disgusting, get out while you are still sane. 

I'm a bit of a clean freak, and the thought of not showering for 2 weeks has me seriously on the verge of dry heaving.


----------



## MarriedManInHis40s (Mar 28, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I'm a bit of a clean freak, and the thought of not showering for 2 weeks has me seriously on the verge of dry heaving.


I'm a bit of a slob (if I have the house to myself for the weekend I might not shower for a couple of days). But 2 weeks? WEEKS????  Just... no. That is "mentally ill homeless guy" hygiene. 

And he's an alcoholic too. Charming, just charming.

Honestly, the question here is not whether doobie should leave, it's how she wound up with this loser in the first place. I wonder if it wasn't pity.

I look forward to doobie's next post: "I bought him a one way plane ticket back to the UK and told him to GTFO".

:banhim:


----------

