# Porn and Photoshop, should I tell her? is it just wrong?



## joe4827 (Jul 3, 2017)

Hi all,


A few years ago I did a media course and I learned how to use Photoshop.
Photoshoping images of women I fantasize about onto sexy porn (soft porn) models was always something that was in the back of my mind but I never acted upon it. For years I believed it was morally wrong.
For some reason last year I let my morals slip. Right now encrypted on a memory stick I have 4 or 5 very convincing high quality pictures of women myself and my wife both know. They are all quite sexually explicit topless images that I'm sure would be devastating to the women involved if they knew they existed. These women will never know as the images will never be copied or distributed in any form. They are for my own personal sexual gratification only.

My question.
Is the Photoshoping a step to far even if nobody only me know they exist. Are they not just an extension of my fantasy's? 
Is it ok to continue to enjoy them or even make more?
Honest options here please.

I have absolutely no secrets with my wife should I tell her about these Photoshop pictures?
Would this expose a side to me that may creep her out?
Considering she is ok with my other quirks do you think it is safe enough to tell her?

Thank you for your time in reading this.
Honest answers only please.
J


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

You need help. What you are doing is not rational or normal. 

If I was you, I would delete the photoshop pictures and never tell a soul. You must put this behind you. You are on a dangerous slope and need help to get these thoughts out of your head. 

Were you sexually abused?


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## joe4827 (Jul 3, 2017)

Wow.
Thats a bit of a shock answer GuyinColorado.
Thank you for your honesty.


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## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

i have used PS many times and it is a powerful tool, maybe getting this out in the open might be a step too far for your wife to fully understand, it might scare her. What you have to ask yourself why you need this silly little game to go on if you have a wonderful understanding wife who is going to be happy to let you enjoy your fantasies with you. My advice to you is get shot of PS and delete these damaging pics, put it down to a inquisitive mind and leave it at that.
Peace and love always
KevinZX


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

joe4827 said:


> Hi all,
> I need some advise on certain secrets I have and weather or not I should share them with my wife. I'm happily married and have a pretty ok sex life with my wife. Very recently I decided to open up to her about my sexual fantasies. I felt that she did not really know what turned me on and that has always been my own fault for not discussing things. Our discussion went very well, we learned a lot more about each other's desires in the bedroom.
> 
> I told her that I had a pantie fetish that she knew nothing about and that I masturbated with my older sisters lingerie when I was younger living at home. I went on to tell her I did the same with her underwear in our own home. She was quite surprised here as she understood and listened to me as it pretty common and that not sexually that unhealthy.
> ...



Nothing wrong with fantasies but your sisters underwear and your cousin and wife's friend?? How would you feel if your wife was fantasizing and masturbating to a picture of one of your friends or her own brother? 
This is way too creepy and I think you are violating your relationship with your wife, you need help.
Come on!:scratchhead::wtf:


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

"Creep her out"... perhaps not.

Question your judgement with boundaries?

Probably.

Delete them and think about the suffering each action will cause, then hold tight to the answer that comes.

Choosing poorly will deal you the lessons you need to learn if you answer incorrectly.


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## joe4827 (Jul 3, 2017)

removed*


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You say you think your wife was ok with your fantasies about your cousin and her friends.I think you probably scared her and if she ever sees these photoshopped images she will run a mile.This is something that could end your marriage and your relationship with your family if they became public.You are leaving yourself open to blackmail here if someone gets hold of them.
Another thing,if your wife ever decides to divorce you she will have this information to lever against you.
Never show anyone these images and if you can't bring yourself to get rid of them store them in a hidden folder in another hidden folder.You don't seem to realise the havoc this can cause in your life.


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## NickTheChemist (Apr 26, 2017)

You've done well by getting this out into the open. I encourage you to seek a safe person- hetero male-who you can speak with openly in person on this. A brother? Best friend? Many may suggest a counselor, but I have never tried that.

Also good that you opened up so much to your wife. 

I urge you to delete the photoshop images forever and look to your wife first for your sexual needs. 

Would she pose nude for you without feeling abused or uncomfortable? Could you have erotic pictures of your wife to replace these photoshop fantasies? Maybe the two of you share a bottle (or 2) of wine and make some fun video just for the 2 of you. Wouldn't that be grrat?! That would be a much better and even healthy thing for any man in your shoes.

Be strong, brother. Continue to turn to your wife and communicate your sexuality to her and also ask questions of her and LISTEN when she shares.

I am pulling for you.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

It sounds like you want someone to tell you this is all fine, normal, and healthy. 
If YOU believed it was fine, normal and healthy you wouldn't be asking the question.


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## joe4827 (Jul 3, 2017)

Hi Spicy.

Yes I can really see where the general opinion on this subject is.
Thanks for your input and to all others.

For me now this has turned out to be an issue regardless of my wife's knowledge or not.

Can I say something in my defense.
What is the difference between a very detailed erotic picture of some woman (my wife's friend or whoever) I create in my head versus the same picture I create with a computer if_ I am the only person to see it?_
No spying, no invasion of privacy. The nearest I got to their personal life was their public Facebook page.


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## NickTheChemist (Apr 26, 2017)

With the photos, you have taken action. You have produced something. All of us fanaticize. We all have vices. These photo shop creations are the symptom, not the real issue. Dig down to the issue at the root and address THAT. Only then will this issue be resolved.

With love.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't have any problem with fantasies of people you will never meet. I wouldn't have problems with drawings, photoshop or animated sex dolls made to look like people you will never meet (copyright aside). 

The problem with extensive fantasies of people you see regularly is that those fantasies can leak into your real life interactions with them, and cause you to treat them differently. 

I would suggest not telling anyone. Destroy those pictures, and instead play photoshop with random actresses etc who you will never meet in real life, but who appear in movies where they seem attractive to you.

Needless to say, under current laws, don't create any sort of image or story of an underaged person.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

joe4827 said:


> Is the Photoshoping a step to far even if nobody only me know they exist. Are they not just an extension of my fantasy's?


In my opinion computers today have so many automated features that require no opt in to let you "undo" "recover" and "share" digital content that it is possible that you could share these photos without even realizing it. 

Just use your imagination! Much safer!

Badsanta


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So you think its ok to fantasize about your ex, your cousin and your wife's girlfriend in this way? Yes it's a step too far, way way too far. You have no guarantee that no one will ever see them either.

If you must do it then tell your wife, I don't believe in hiding anything, but I doubt she will be happy about it. How about you fantasize about your wife?Now's there's a novel thought. You are walking on thin ice here, how can you not see these women in a sexual way when you have contact with them after doing this? How disrespectful to them, and to you wife who is supposed to be the woman you desire. Use some self-control and don't let your mind wander to these women. 
Would you be ok if she did this with some men she fancied? A friend of yours? A relative of yours?


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## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

We are on the edge of a future where today's strong encryption will be smashed. Look up quantum computing. Imagine the trouble you will cause for your ps subjects and your family if those images got out. Delete them now before before the unthinkable happens. Look at the comments here, I'm pretty sure your wife will be totally creeped out of she saw them.


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## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

Oh and do a secure erase so they can't be undeleted.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

joe4827 said:


> Hi Spicy.
> 
> Yes I can really see where the general opinion on this subject is.
> Thanks for your input and to all others.
> ...


It's more likely than you seem to realize that some day these images will be found my someone. No one can ever find, and view, but what goes on between your ears.

People are told all the time that to achieve their goals, to write it down, to journal about it. And that the more they do this, more likely their will achieve their goals.

What this tells us it that the more you think about something, the more you write about it or in your case create images, the more likely that you will follow through with the actions that you are recording.

It's one thing to have some inappropriate thoughts about your female cousins and friends pop into your mind. It's quite another to nurture these to the point that you have.

The very fact that you are wanting to tell your wife about this means that you want to bring it out and into your real life.

Delete the images. That way you destroy the journal of your inappropriate thoughts.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

How would you feel if someone was doing this kind of thing with your wife's image? Violated?

It is the violation that counts here. When you are in a relationship with someone, friends, relatives, spouses, there is an element of trust that is vital to the relationship. By taking images and photoshopping them into sexually explicit scenes you are violating an unspoken trust.

It is creepy. Creepy meaning you've over stepped boundaries that exist between individuals. Unspoken boundaries. Would it be okay or creepy for a strange man to stare at your wife? Would it be okay or creepy for him to reach out and touch her? These are examples of unspoken boundaries and creepy people ignore them and rationalize it by thinking no harm no foul if no one finds out.

When we were kids playing various board games on vacation we used to say cheating was allowed unless you got caught...so then the goal of the game was changed to try to cheat without getting caught and try to catch everyone else cheating. This is another example of poor boundaries. The adults never paid attention to us so we invented our own rules.

You are an adult. Be the adult. Get rid of the images and realize you are violating people you care about.


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## joe4827 (Jul 3, 2017)

Hello All.
Original Poster here.
Firstly I'm slight overwhelmed by the number of responses I have recieved from this post. Thank you to everyone.
I cannot *but* think twice about my actions and any future intentions I may have had planned for Photoshop.

Almost everyone here have made very good and valid points.

Here is what I'm going to do. I will delete the images. I will remove Photoshop from my PC.

This Thread is indeed an eyeopener of what is acceptable and what is not. I'm going back to being (somewhat) normal.

Thank you again to all.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

joe4827 said:


> I'm not a monster.* I could have done this years ago and I did not. * For years something in me said no.
> I dont know for sure why that changed.
> 
> Here is what I'm going to do. I will delete the images. I will remove Photoshop from my PC.
> ...


While I'm very glad to know you've decided to delete the images there is something you need to contemplate.

The statement bolded above is an example of faulty rationalization. 

_I'm not a monster because I could have done this for years, to a lot of women and I did not. So that means I do have some decency._

Yes you could have. And yes you do.

A man's honor is not in holding back from terrible. The honor is in doing the right regardless of how well you can rationalize not.

Do you aspire to honor or just decency?


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

If I was your wife I'd be concerned. Knowing my husband was getting off on pictures of his cousin, my friend and his ex girlfriend would put me over the edge. I personally might be flattered by my own photoshoped picture. At least he'd be thinking of me. 

Sent from my LG-D852 using Tapatalk


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

joe4827 said:


> I did feel strange seeing her I do admit. For the entire evening every time I saw her, her Photoshop picture came to my mind.


If you still have urges in the future, just remember there is SO MUCH PORN readily available on the internet that you should be able to easily find a professional that looks very close to the person you wish to fantasize about. Because the porn is actually someone different, it will actually help prevent what you describe above. 

I personally find when wanting to revisit erotic memories from the past that it is actually SAFER to use porn. One's imagination can be too real and create a desire to actually want something that is real and attainable. Meanwhile porn is all fantasy and unattainable. Because porn stars look different than people from your past/present it will also help keep your desires more manageable.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

badsanta said:


> If you still have urges in the future, just remember there is SO MUCH PORN readily available on the internet that you should be able to easily find a professional that looks very close to the person you wish to fantasize about. Because the porn is actually someone different, it will actually help prevent what you describe above.
> 
> I personally find when wanting to revisit erotic memories from the past that it is actually SAFER to use porn. One's imagination can be too real and create a desire to actually want something that is real and attainable. Meanwhile porn is all fantasy and unattainable. Because porn stars look different than people from your past/present it will also help keep your desires more manageable.


Then he would still be fantasizing about that person by finding someone who looks like them. How about fantasizing about your wives?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> How about you fantasize about your wife?


OP,
This has always worked best for my marriage/the two of us as a couple, and amazingly enough, for me as an individual as well.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

joe4827 said:


> Hello All.
> Original Poster here.
> Firstly I'm slight overwhelmed by the number of responses I have recieved from this post. Thank you to everyone.
> I cannot *but* think twice about my actions and any future intentions I may have had planned for Photoshop.
> ...


I'm glad to read this. 

I've been thinking about your 'hobby' a bit over the last few days and think that you need to internalize how much of a transgression this is. So I'm going to try something that might do it.

How would you feel if you found out that some very close friend or relative of yours... a man... was dong this with pictures of you? How would it impact you if you found out that he was photo shopping your image onto images of homosexual sexual acts where you would be the receiver. And then he was using those images to get aroused?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> OP,
> This has always worked best for my marriage/the two of us as a couple, and amazingly enough, for me as an individual as well.


Great, and us.:laugh:
I don't let myself think about another man in a sexual way. I don't stare at men, not fantasize about having sex with them, nor look at porn. It's a fools game. 
I am not going to compare my husband to other men. It leads to dissatisfaction and that is deadly for a marriage.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Then he would still be fantasizing about that person by finding someone who looks like them. *How about fantasizing about your wives?*


*The point is that he has a preexisting fantasy involving someone other than his wife in real life.* A similar looking porn star would re-imprint that fantasy onto his mind as someone that he does NOT know in real life. Then it becomes a fantasy that is way more benign as opposed to thinking about someone in real life. Then it becomes much easier to dismiss the fantasy and as you say perhaps redirect his fantasy towards his own wife.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Great, and us.:laugh:
> I don't let myself think about another man in a sexual way. I don't stare at men, not fantasize about having sex with them, nor look at porn. It's a fools game.
> I am not going to *compare* my husband to other men. It leads to dissatisfaction and that is deadly for a marriage.


This is an example of black and white thinking I find chillingly common among some fundamentalist religions.

Is comparison the cart or the horse?

To compare is the human condition. Without comparison there would be no innovation, no ethics, no standards. We would all simply follow our instinctive desires without regard to or for any other variable. If we want it we take it, make it happen, demand it, beg for it, lie cheat and steal for it. Doesn't matter what "it" is for without comparison we would have no way to temper our desires with reason.

I know you were specifically referring to comparing other men or women however the human condition remains the same; without comparison we would be without reason. Reason to be content, or reason to be discontented.

Insisting married individuals not ever indulge in comparison is asking a person to give up reason or gratitude, and content themselves with whatever stands before them whether that is an honorable man or an abusive drunkard. Without comparison, we cannot fully love because love requires gratitude and gratitude requires a certain knowledge that what stands before us is something worthy.

To put it simply, I can compare my husband to other men and see ways in which he stands above all, as well as ways in which he does not. Conversely, I would be much more contented to know that I remain above all others due to reasonable comparison and not due to a stubborn refusal to consider others. 

I'd rather be first in a field of many than first in a field of one.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Anon Pink said:


> This is an example of black and white thinking I find chillingly common among some fundamentalist religions.
> 
> Is comparison the cart or the horse?
> 
> ...


I suppose it all boils down to what we mean by "compare" -- how far we take the comparison.

My wife is modestly endowed between the shoulders and the navel. I do notice that other women have a bigger rack than the one I married. That notice cannot be made without making a comparison. 

_but_...

That notice...that comparison...never progresses to the point of assigning "better" to the other rack, no matter how well proportioned or shapely it may be. The comparison never progresses to wishing I had access to that other rack rather than the one I have. 

So yes, comparing is a human thing--we do it all the time with all things--as we must just to survive and advance. It's what meaning we assign to which comparisons that defines whether or not we are doing it in a healthy, or at least neutral, way.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I suppose it all boils down to what we mean by "compare" -- how far we take the comparison.
> 
> My wife is modestly endowed between the shoulders and the navel. I do notice that other women have a bigger rack than the one I married. That notice cannot be made without making a comparison.
> 
> ...



Exactly. We are the purveyors of reason in our comparisons.

I would even go so far as to state that not only can we notice, we can also admire, without reasonably concluding what we have is not sufficient or that we are dissatisfied with what stands before us.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> This is an example of black and white thinking I find chillingly common among some fundamentalist religions.
> 
> Is comparison the cart or the horse?
> 
> To compare is the human condition.



I always find when I compare my wife to other women that it always serves to reinforce why I love my wife and only choose to be with her. 

I also find myself learning from other's experiences in a way that serves to make my own marriage stronger. 

For me the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence, the grass on the other side of the fence always seems to be getting farther away which makes my own pasture feel unendingly expansive and fulfilling. 

Badsanta


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

OK, lets do the "other shoe" ploy.

What if you accidentally found [on her laptop] some pictures of yours' and hers' male relatives and male friends posed in full-length photos with erect penises.

When frantically questioned, she says "Not to Worry"; that the pictures were photo-shopped. She put the male friends and male family members "heads" on male porn stars. 

Would you be happy with that?

I would go bonkers.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Did you ever hear of Anthony Wiener....

Did you, Carlos Danger II ?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I'm glad to read this.
> 
> I've been thinking about your 'hobby' a bit over the last few days and think that you need to internalize how much of a transgression this is. So I'm going to try something that might do it.
> 
> How would you feel if you found out that some very close friend or relative of yours... a man... was dong this with pictures of you? How would it impact you if you found out that he was photo shopping your image onto images of homosexual sexual acts where you would be the receiver. And then he was using those images to get aroused?


I taught you well, Dear!


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

joe4827 said:


> Personally i dont think there was ever anything wrong with a fantasy involving my cousin. She was very attractive and *I never ever had any intention of ever taking it outside my head.*
> My wife understands both the above.
> 
> Do you think the photoshoping is just an *extension of my fantasy* and somewhat ok?


 It seems you have resolved this and made the right moral decision, but I wanted to point out that you contradict yourself in post #7 . In your head was safe (maybe not OK) but as soon as you made it into a physical object you violated your own "safe in my head" rule. A file on your computer that can be printed, up loaded or shared is definitely not a thought, it's physical evidence. you should probably see a IC or psychologist about this to try to get your head straight.


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## JohnDoe23 (Jun 16, 2018)

OP - I think this is the expected response on a marriage site. I haven't dug around much and don't know how gritty the discussions get, but I'm more or less not surprised at the answers. But I'm still disappointed at the lack of diversity of thought on this. 

There are people who live in sexually open relationships, and people who even enjoy the humiliation of watching their significant other cheating on them. Regardless of anyone's particular morals, these all revolve around human emotions and how sexual fantasies are deeply entertwined in them.

I suggest asking in a forum that's dedicated to weird sex stuff to get a wider sense of peoples thoughts and morality on it.... unless of course you chose this forum in order to get some validation or confirmation. 

Good luck


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