# My spouse intimidates me



## confuzed1 (Dec 28, 2011)

I love my wife but after being married 20 years I realize I'm pretty submissive to her. I never really argue with what she says so on the outside it looks like we have a perfect marriage. She is extremely bright and makes great decisions but sometimes I feel like the roles are reversed and I am the woman. I wouldn't even know how to approach her. She makes much more money than I do and sometimes I feel like I am approaching the CEO as a lowly employee.

I posted recently about how I was lamenting over missing my youth to marriage. I also asked her, in a joking way(not saying my concerns) if she feels bad that she was never with another man and missed out on her dating life. Her answer was a big no, she said I'm glad I never had heartbreak or STDs to deal with. She also said she had single women friends who were miserable over the dating scene, especially in their 30s. Somehow I feel heartbreak and losing a few relationships is important to your emotional development. Emotional pain helps you grow. She disagreed. She said she understood everything when she accepted my proposal at 20 and she is very happy with the decision.

Last night I had a long talk about sex and she told me honestly I'm not aggressive enough for her. She told me that she enjoys sex with me but its pretty routine and boring, like service from a utility that always works. She also told me that lately her hormones are making her desire more in sex (she is 40-that sounds weird). A long time ago I had to talk her out of having sex under the cover. 

Now I also have a problem that I feel weird acting out any kind of sexual fantasy on her. I feel like she is like a mother or sister. I don't even know how to begin explaining that . I'll go as far as saying she reminds me of my mom physically when she was that age...not good. My mom thinks she is her lost daughter


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

She is telling you what you she wants/needs. Its probably a good idea to listen to it. 

Some women are more aggressive and some men more passive, there isn't really much wrong with that. However, you need to find a middle ground. Just learn to be more assertive, women find that a sexy quality in some men.


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*her hormones are making her desire more in sex (she is 40-that sounds weird*

Totally normal. One of those things that nobody talks about... well, except for places like this...or when it becomes a problem. THIS is your chance to spice up your sex life. It's not about role playing.... but it is about being more adventurous in the bedroom, or ANY other place you can think of. 

It's REALLY good that you two were able to discuss this. Now see if she will give you any input about what would work for her in the bedroom. Different positions? Toys? She may not know what to tell you tho, having not experienced other things. 

Get one of those sex games... like cards or dice, and you do what it says on them. Get some lotions and oils.... THOSE are fun and not too kinky to start with. Shave your junk, and buy some sexy unders for you.... buy her some too! There are tons of things you can do to spice up a stagnant sex life. 

I understand it's gotten boring, and you are fantasizing about others. But here is your chance to really ramp it up with your wife as opposed to looking elsewhere. Believe it or not, you can have an AWESOME sex life with your spouse.... it doesn't have to be vanilla!


----------

