# Wifes Makes Me Use Condoms As Birth Control Method



## Frank Masters (Dec 28, 2014)

My wife makes me use condoms as birth control method. This is super stressful since she was always on birth control before we married and I did not use a condom. I hate it but I don't know what to do since it has been a huge fight when I have brought this up int the past. I feel like I am getting less and less after making her my wife. Any advise?


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Talk to her about getting a Murena IUD. You can get them put in at the doctors office, insurance covers them and they are good for 5-6 years. The women I know that have them experience no issues with them. Tell her to talk to her doctor or research them.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Frank Masters said:


> My wife makes me use condoms as birth control method. * This is super stressful since she was always on birth control before we married and I did not use a condom.* I hate it but I don't know what to do since it has been a huge fight when I have brought this up int the past. I feel like I am getting less and less after making her my wife. Any advise?


Was her birth control causing her problems?

Why is it so stressful for you to be responsible for birth control for a while?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How does she "make" you? How long have you been married? Do you two plan on having kids in the future?

Keep in mind that hormonal birth control can have significant impacts to a woman. So while condoms may be irritating to you during sex, they don't cause weight gain or lose of libido in your wife...

C


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Maybe you should research other options for male birth control. Maybe a nice vasectomy? Or maybe some chemicals that screw up your horomones? Or a birth control chip? Or a foreign object inserted to your genitals? 

Seems likes it is the LEAST you can do if you WANT sex but don't want children. I think the condom is the least invasive birth control next to abstinence.


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## Frank Masters (Dec 28, 2014)

Thanks for the advise. I just feel like things are going down hill. 

I don't know what is ment by "make." She will not have sex if I don't use one. So while she is not making me, lets not make it about my lingo. I think it's clear what I mean.


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## Frank Masters (Dec 28, 2014)

SunnyT said:


> Maybe you should research other options for male birth control. Maybe a nice vasectomy? Or maybe some chemicals that screw up your horomones? Or a birth control chip? Or a foreign object inserted to your genitals?
> 
> Seems likes it is the LEAST you can do if you WANT sex but don't want children. I think the condom is the least invasive birth control next to abstinence.


Or maybe a women who will do things dating that she won't do in marriage? Get out of here.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Wow. Harsh. But I was sarcastic..... so I deserved that. Sorry.

Talk to her about a compromise? Research together? Why did she give up her other form of birth control? Did she say why? It should be up for discussion.... and it's pretty important.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

She had a baby recently? Some women don't want to take birth control for a while after birth, for some it can mess with their milk production or hormones.

Are you planning on having more kids in the future?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

And how long was she responsible for the birth control, and how long have you been responsible now? Maybe some women get tired of having that responsibility. Or at least want their man to carry that responsibility some of the time.


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## ThirtyYearsIn (Sep 20, 2014)

The old bait and switch. It could be worse. Sometimes they just stop having sex altogether.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Frank Masters said:


> Or maybe a women who will do things dating that she won't do in marriage? Get out of here.


Did she have a problem with the birth control she was on before?

For example I could not take birth control pills. The were worse than the worst PMS I ever had. They also very often seriously low a woman's libido. 

I tried an IUD and ended up with a horrible infection. The doctor told me that if I did not want children that the infection would make it permanent. What a creep. He was serious.

Birth control can come with a lot of problems for women.

It's completely reasonable for spouses to switch being responsible for birth controls. At least condoms do not cause the problems that the bc methods women use case.

Why not get a vasectomy?

Do the two of you plan to have children at any time?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ThirtyYearsIn said:


> The old bait and switch.


Just because a woman uses bc before marriage, it does not mean that she is agreeing to do it for the rest of her life.

it's completely reasonable that a man should take responsibility at times. Or permanently by getting a vasectomy.



ThirtyYearsIn said:


> It could be worse. Sometimes they just stop having sex altogether.


Yea some time they (meaning men) stop having sex altogether. Actually men do this as often as a women do.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Why did this change. It seems odd. Was their some medical reason the agreed form of BC changed?


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## Frank Masters (Dec 28, 2014)

Thanks for the advise all. No problems and we do want to have MORE children. Before she was on the patch with slight weight gain but never tried the pill which I suggested. And for the cheap shot takers, I would totally get fixed. No issues there.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

See her physician. There are birth control shots now available. Some of my female college students get a shot, effective for a month or so. They don't have any side effects as I know as weight gain or low libido. See if your wife can take these.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Frank Masters said:


> Thanks for the advise all. No problems and we do want to have MORE children. Before she was on the patch with slight weight gain but never tried the pill which I suggested. *And for the cheap shot takers, I would totally get fixed. No issues there.*


Ok then. So why don't you?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

The Pill is different to the patch/IUD's...a lot of women can't take it. How old is she? Does she have high blood pressure? Is she over 40? A lot of dr's won't prescribe the pill to women over 40. Does she smoke?

There could be lots of reasons, but surely she talked to you about this before she just changed bc form...that seems odd to me.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Its not that odd to most women. 
Listen I was on the pill for 15 years. Then in my mid-30's my body changed and I couldn't tolerate it anymore. I started getting migraines and I'd never had that before. I went off for a year and then tried to go back on with a lower prescription and my BP shot up dramatically. My MD said no more pill. Our insurance at the time would not pay for getting my tubes tied and H refused to get a vasectomy. I didn't want an IUD so he was stuck with condoms. Very likely there is no grand conspiracy, just life.


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## TonyCheshire (Dec 27, 2014)

bc pills can cause loads health problems for women and if I was female then I also wouldn't want cum dripping out of me all the time (but thats another discussion point?).

What about trying the female condom? 

Anybody got any first hand opionon on female condom?


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

I can actually sympathize with her. I've been on birth control forever...but it sucks cuz you have to take one every day at the same exact time. If you don't, your body starts to go into period mode. At times I've forgotten and had two or three periods in a month. Or I'm spotting all the time and that puts a damper on sex big time. Plus birth control has negative side effects. I have developed malasma because of it...which means I no longer tan normal, I just get blotchy dark spots on my face and they look awful. The best birth control I think is vasectomy, but if you still want kids that's kind of out.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> One issue at hand seems like trust? Does you wife not allow you to combine the timing method (infertile times of the month) along with coitus interruptus?


Are we actually suggesting the pull and pray as a reliable birth control method? Also, is he going to be willing to not have sex during fertile times more than he's not happy to wear a condom?

When you were dating, she (like most women) probably didn't want to fall into the "Oops, I forgot one, just this once" kind of trap with a guy she was just dating. 

And for everyone who is suggesting this and that form of birth control has no problems and no side-effects, that varies widely from person to person like any medication. If I was going to recommend something based purely an ancedotal personal experience, I'd recommend Nuvaring. But it can be rather costly. 

And ultimately, it doesn't resolve this (likely age old) debate. 
The OP resents his wife not continuing with BC. But if she gains weight or her general attitude changed or then she wasn't interested in sex at all because of the unnatural hormones, it would be a different thread with different complaints.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Semen is full of chemicals that elevate mood. Your wife would be happier with those in her blood stream. Vasectomy is difficult and expensive to undo.

Isn't it possible to time unprotected sex?

Sex with a condom is not much fun.


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## that.girl (Aug 27, 2014)

The chemicals are present in semen, but whether the woman absorbs and uses them is still up for debate. Data on this is based on a survey that found women who had more unprotected sex tend to be less depressed. There were many other factors involved than just the semen. 

The rhythm method is about 80% effective. That means about 1 in 5 women who use it get pregnant. Condoms and pills average 95-98% effective. 

The more you know...


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Unfortunately with the advent of so many female birth control methods many men have come to see this as a woman's responsibility. How long has this been going on? Is it possible that it's for a finite period until you're ready for another child, then you can get snipped? If this is the case would it really be such a big deal for you to put up with it for a while? Marriage is give and take.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> Semen is full of chemicals that elevate mood. Your wife would be happier with those in her blood stream.


Does that still work when it's counter-acted by the chemicals from the hormonal birth control?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Roselyn said:


> See her physician. There are birth control shots now available. Some of my female college students get a shot, effective for a month or so. They don't have any side effects as I know as weight gain or low libido. See if your wife can take these.


I think you are talking about depo. Depo can have a lot of side effects including weight gain and loss of libido. It can also make it harder for a woman to get pregnant again after she goes off it. 

I don't do well with hormone BC, I ended up getting a copper IUD. Even that is not without issues though. Women can get heavier periods, cramping, and IUDs can move, get stuck and need to be taken out surgically.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

They are trying to start a class-action lawsuit about Mirena.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Roselyn said:


> See her physician. There are birth control shots now available. Some of my female college students get a shot, effective for a month or so. They don't have any side effects as I know as weight gain or low libido. See if your wife can take these.


OP please don't take medical advice from posters on the internet! Can you go with her to the doctor to understand options? I tried all kinds of chemical BC for years. Including this definitely NOT side effect free shot. It was awful.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Starstarfish said:


> They are trying to start a class-action lawsuit about Mirena.


My Paragard (copper IUD) got lost. They had to do an ultrasound to find it. Luckily for me they were able to remove it without surgery- but not without pain!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

In my experience, the side effects of chemical BCs are down played and/or under reported.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am one of those women who didn't like the side effects I read about on ALL hormonal birth control so I never took any of it.. we used condoms our entire marriage (and the *rhythm method* when it was "safe" to forgo them)...

After our 1st son we couldn't conceive for 6 + yrs..those were "rubber free" years...

I read so much about how to conceive, about the consistency of the cervical mucus/ timing of a woman's cycle, how long sperm can survive in our tubes for a viable conception, etc... Basal body temperature, I understood the Rhythm method very well once I became fertile again.. 

We did have 1 accident in all those yrs... I blame it on him as *I knew* it was IFFY that night, we took a chance , he didn't want the condom.. 

Once we had all our kids, I opted for the non hormonal copper IUD....(love it!)... I did feel a great measure of freedom with this..and went a little hog wild for sex. 

He did feel like condoms were a raincoat, but he also didn't want me taking anything to interfere with my health... so I can't say my H ever complained other than the occasional "raincoat" comments....


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## that.girl (Aug 27, 2014)

I took the pill for years and had no side effects. However, i did have a baby!
My friend took the same pills and got so sick she was nearly hospitalized. 

Results may vary. Consult a physician. 

Seriously, go to the doctor with your wife and check out your options. Try a few things, see what works for both of you!


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## that.girl (Aug 27, 2014)

intheory said:


> I took the Pill for 3 years...
> ...
> Then I'm getting a vasectomy...


Wait, what? Is this like when a guy says "we're pregnant"?

:scratchhead:


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

that.girl said:


> Wait, what? Is this like when a guy says "we're pregnant"?
> 
> :scratchhead:


No. Sorry. I'm female.

My last paragraph was as if OP was having a dialog with himself.


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## that.girl (Aug 27, 2014)

intheory said:


> No. Sorry. I'm female.
> 
> My last paragraph was as if OP was having a dialog with himself.


:rofl:

Gotcha. I was about to suggest the term "tubal ligation."


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Frank, I see in your other thread, that you have a 6 month old baby. 

Is this the reason for the switch in birth control? Did your wife go off the patch after marriage to prepare for trying to have a baby? (It's often necessary to clear the hormonal birth control from your body for a while to help in conception). 

And now she doesn't want to go back on bc - is that because she's nursing? And/or planning for another baby soon?

You haven't told us why she wants to use condoms now, so all we can do is guess. It's impossible to advise you without knowing the whole story, especially without knowing her reasons and perspective.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Insist to her that when she wants sex that the two of you do it fully clothed  (JUST KIDDING. LOOK AT THE SMILEY).

It may be true that his wife may have adverse reactions to other forms of birth control, such that the wearing of a condom by her husband is the most logical choice. *The problem may be in how she is delivering this message to her husband*. If she is delivering it in a cold, take it or leave type of fashion, then it is no surprise that the OP is hurt and sees it as a personal rejection.

There may be other undisclosed issues besides aversion to BC pills and IUDs, such as a prior PA by her husband. Or that he may have herpes and has occasional flare ups. In those situations it is perfectly understandable.

Many men have difficulty achieving orgasm while wearing a condom because of a loss of sensitivity that using a latex condom brings. In that case, switching to non-latex type of condoms could resolve this issue. Then again it could be psychological because they may not trust a condom to prevent a pregnancy considering that they do have a failure rate of 18% which is almost 1 in 5 chances of getting pregnant, according to the CDC *How effective are birth control methods?*.

Having a non confrontational talk with his wife could bring a resolution to this issue.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

We've always used condoms and never had an unwanted pregnancy.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Just something else to think about: someone once posted here that in a third of all relationships, men are responsible for birth control. It may not be as unusual as you think.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

could she be trying to protect you from std's

if she screwing around on you she might want you to use one.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> could she be trying to protect you from std's
> 
> if she screwing around on you she might want you to use one.


I was wondering when someone was going to go "there."


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## Kresaera (Nov 8, 2014)

I took hormonal birth control for years with no big side effects. My best friend in high school took hormonal birth control and it made her infertile. It's different with each person. Personally I can't use condoms, they dry me out during the act and it's very uncomfortable for both of us. 

I would try to calmly talk to her about it, but like others have said, it's just a temporary thing until you don't want anymore kids then you can do something more permanent.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There is a new reversible male contraception method lasts 10 years. It's pretty inexpensive to reverse. The last thing I read on it says it should be on the market no later than 2017.


Reversible male contraception method lasts 10 years


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> In my experience, the side effects of chemical BCs are down played and/or under reported.


I agree. It horrifies me that teen girls are given these things as if there is no consequence to taking them. Just at the time when her hormones and reproductive system is maturing so many have these chemical given to them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> could she be trying to protect you from std's
> 
> if she screwing around on you she might want you to use one.


all roads do not lead to women having affairs :scratchhead:


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

intheory said:


> And we are talking about girls as young as 13.
> 
> Given this stuff for cramps or heavy periods.
> 
> ...


I have endometriosis and have had it since my early teens. It causes severe cramping/pain, so I was given the birth control pill. It did help with the pain, but it also landed me in the hospital from complications/side effects. A hot water bottle/aspirin does not do a thing to help for me. I have prescription strength pain reliever and if I don't catch the pain early enough, I am knocked out for the day(pain is too intense and I have a high pain tolerance - been through several surgeries). It has been a lot better after giving birth though. 

I can't use hormonal birth control for medical reasons and IUDs are off limits, too because of the endometriosis, so we use condoms. We've tried a few different brands and have found one that my husband likes best. I can't really tell much of a difference as the woman, but my husband definitely prefers certain brands over others. Try out different brands to see which ones you like best. 

Also if she is nursing, she can't use hormonal birth control because it will cause her milk to dry up. She can take the mini pill, but it's much more risky. It has to be taken at the same exact time every single day and being off by just a couple hours can lower the effectiveness. Just ask my friend who took that pill 3 hours late and is pregnant with their second child. Not worth the risk. She has a lot going on caring for a young baby, so try to be supportive of her in that. She's done her part for birth control for a long time and now it's your turn.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> could she be trying to protect you from std's
> 
> if she screwing around on you she might want you to use one.


How can someone be so bitter and twisted? 

The woman has a 6 month old baby and God forbid she wants her husband who after all is supposed to be a man not a whiny little kid, to take responsibility for BC.


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

You can't make her take bc. Some methods have side effects and some cause pain. Her body her choice imo. That does work both ways though. You don't wanna use condoms tell her you're getting a vasectomy then. She can chose if she wants that or to go on bc. Maybe she just needs to try something different patches, shots, iud etc


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> OP please don't take medical advice from posters on the internet! Can you go with her to the doctor to understand options? I tried all kinds of chemical BC for years. Including this definitely NOT side effect free shot. It was awful.


For SOME women, I happily took the shot every 3 mths for 4 yrs. I had no side effects and was just as horny as I've ever been (maybe more). Best of all I NEVER had a period. That was my second time on the shot. The first time I was able to get pregnant just 3mths after I stopped it. My point Op is she won't know how she will do on it unless she tries it.


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## Vanille (Dec 13, 2014)

I'm confused how this is even an issue. :scratchhead: Are you afraid you will forget to use it?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Vanille said:


> I'm confused how this is even an issue. :scratchhead: Are you afraid you will forget to use it?


This post, and several preceding it, show a surprising lack of empathy and understanding from the women here on the difference between sex with and without a condom for a man.

It's night and day, ladies. It's not just a little different. Sex with a condom is half as pleasurable as sex without one. Not bad enough to say "no" to, but a whole bunch less than the Whole Enchilada. 

The best reproductive decision I ever made was in having a vasectomy. But I was done having children, so it was an easy call. Reversing one is neither simple nor guaranteed, and I would never counsel a man who still wants children to have one.

Those are, today at least, the only two choices a man has for taking charge of birth control in his relationship - forgo his own pleasure, or possibly forgo a future family. Certainly every other birth control option ought to be on the table for discussion. If biology makes it simpler to stop a single egg every month rather than millions of sperm, that's nature, not some vast conspiracy or the collective laziness of the Y chromosome. 

Using condoms sucks, Sucks, SUCKS. If you find you must use them OP, then try a brand that has a balloon tip that allows for a lot of friction, and put some lube in the tip (more than the often recommended drop or two). Durex used to make a good one, but I've been out of the market for a long time now. Thinner don't really work much better and break easier without solving the problem of too little friction and sensation.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Cletus said:


> This post, and several preceding it, show a surprising lack of empathy and understanding from the women here on the difference between sex with and without a condom for a man.
> 
> It's night and day, ladies. It's not just a little different. Sex with a condom is half as pleasurable as sex without one. Not bad enough to say "no" to, but a whole bunch less than the Whole Enchilada.
> 
> ...



Well we all know that his pleasure is paramount, don't we? It may shock you but a lot of women don't like condoms either, I know I don't. Nothing takes the place of skin on skin contact. But marriage is give and take, and it seems to me that his time using condoms is finite. They want more kids and bc is hard on her, so perhaps he can suck it up for a little while until they're done with kids. He's said he has no problem with getting snipped.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Frank Masters said:


> My wife makes me use condoms as birth control method. This is super stressful since she was always on birth control before we married and I did not use a condom. I hate it but I don't know what to do since it has been a huge fight when I have brought this up int the past. I feel like I am getting less and less after making her my wife. Any advise?


Is she nursing your 6 month old baby? Hormonal BC would interfere with that and BF is healthier for your child. So suck it up and use the condoms and be thankful your W is such a good mother to your child

(or you can swear off BC altogether like H did- we have eight children)


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Yep condoms are not great for women either but sometimes in life we have to do what we have to do.

So a mans sexual please is the top priority in marriage? Is that what you are saying cletus? A woman has no right to a break from putting chemicals into her body especially post pregnancy and birth then dealing with a 6 month old. None of this is relevant because the man and his sexual pleasure is all that matters.

No wonder some women get turned off sex if that is the sort of attitude their partners have.


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## that.girl (Aug 27, 2014)

Let's all keep in mind that OP didn't say why his wife doesn't want the pill. We don't know if it makes her sick, or she doesn't like the responsibility, or whatever.

In fact, he said her side effects from the patch were minor, and she never tried the pill.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Holland said:


> Yep condoms are not great for women either but sometimes in life we have to do what we have to do.
> 
> So a mans sexual please is the top priority in marriage? Is that what you are saying cletus? A woman has no right to a break from putting chemicals into her body especially post pregnancy and birth then dealing with a 6 month old. None of this is relevant because the man and his sexual pleasure is all that matters.
> 
> No wonder some women get turned off sex if that is the sort of attitude their partners have.


Ha ha, I was thinking the same thing. Anyone who thinks that's true shouldn't be surprised if their wife isn't enthusiastic about sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cletus said:


> This post, and several preceding it, show a surprising lack of empathy and understanding from the women here on the difference between sex with and without a condom for a man.
> 
> It's night and day, ladies. It's not just a little different. Sex with a condom is half as pleasurable as sex without one. Not bad enough to say "no" to, but a whole bunch less than the Whole Enchilada.


We know it's day and night. 

But it seems that some men have a surprising lack of empathy and understanding of the fact that the birth control methods for women can cause serious problems for the woman.

His wife also had a baby 6 months ago. If she is nursing the baby, birth control can interfere with nursing and cause problems with some babies. 





Cletus said:


> The best reproductive decision I ever made was in having a vasectomy. But I was done having children, so it was an easy call. Reversing one is neither simple nor guaranteed, and I would never counsel a man who still wants children to have one.
> 
> Those are, today at least, the only two choices a man has for taking charge of birth control in his relationship - forgo his own pleasure, or possibly forgo a future family. Certainly every other birth control option ought to be on the table for discussion. If biology makes it simpler to stop a single egg every month rather than millions of sperm, that's nature, not some vast conspiracy or the collective laziness of the Y chromosome.
> 
> Using condoms sucks, Sucks, SUCKS. If you find you must use them OP, then try a brand that has a balloon tip that allows for a lot of friction, and put some lube in the tip (more than the often recommended drop or two). Durex used to make a good one, but I've been out of the market for a long time now. Thinner don't really work much better and break easier without solving the problem of too little friction and sensation.


Again, you are ignoring that the birth control methods available to women can cause women all kinds of problems.

When the OP was asked about why his wife does not want to go on birth control, he did not respond. So at this point I assume that she has some valid concerns that he does not want to address.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

badsanta said:


> I'm reminded of the joke where the guy buys the ribbed condoms for her pleasure, but turns them inside out first!
> 
> I second the balloon tip and lube! I am also out of the market, but I remember my favorite back in the college days was one that had a spiral ballon shape at the end. I just looked it up and it appears you can still get them as "twisted pleasure" but be aware that Trojan appears to be trying to replace it with one that like required no licensing fee as "twisted" but it is not the same.
> 
> Inspiral condoms - buy Inspiral, free shipping


And look.. they are sold out... must mean that they work pretty well...


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> This post, and several preceding it, show a surprising lack of empathy and understanding from the women here on the difference between sex with and without a condom for a man.


Probably akin to the surprising lack of empathy and understanding from men (and sometimes other women if they themselves experienced no problems) about the frustration of something that can cause weight gain, changes in your skin, vaginal dryness, and a change in your libido. Which will then be blamed on you, and your husband will be told to "get alpha on you" and to stop "giving in to your $h!t tests."

You don't wear a condom all the time. It's effect on your life happens solely during the time you are using them. Medication affects you all the time, 24/7. So having them on the table for discussion is great, but it's trying to compare apples and orange. Despite what some politicians feel, you don't indeed, just take the pill when you have sex (and more or less frequently depending on it.)

But for it not being the "Whole Enchilada" - me and my husband have used condoms (for BC and medical reasons) since the birth of our son. (So ... going for 5 years.) We've turned it into it's own adventure, and it encouraged our first trip to one of "those shops" to try different kinds.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Ah the hell with sex. It's just too damn complicated and overrated anyway.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

chaos said:


> Ah the hell with sex. It's just too damn complicated and overrated anyway.


No one is suggesting that.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Holland said:


> So a mans sexual please is the top priority in marriage? Is that what you are saying cletus? A woman has no right to a break from putting chemicals into her body especially post pregnancy and birth then dealing with a 6 month old. None of this is relevant because the man and his sexual pleasure is all that matters.


Ah, we can't slip anything by you, can we Holland?

Those years I used condoms 'cause my wife couldn't tolerate oral birth control? Followed by 15 years of periodic testicular pain from my vasectomy - for her pleasure, not to mention the 30 years of plain vanilla sex I've forced on her, 'cause that's just the way I roll. 

Now if you want to step back from the hyperbole and have a conversation, we could do that. 

Your move.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Again, you are ignoring that the birth control methods available to women can cause women all kinds of problems.
> 
> When the OP was asked about why his wife does not want to go on birth control, he did not respond. So at this point I assume that she has some valid concerns that he does not want to address.


I didn't ignore anything, Ele. Not. One. Goddamned. Thing.

The only actual advice I offered was how to better use condoms, not how to avoid them, if you'd care to look closer at the words I wrote instead of the strawman you want to attack.

Condoms suck. They might be the least-sucky among a host of poor choices, but they still suck.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> And look.. they are sold out... must mean that they work pretty well...


Comparatively speaking, they do. 

Now aren't you glad I gave the OP some useful advice on how to enjoy a **** deal as best he can?


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Take sex with your partner to new highs. Try "Sexy Ganja Personal Lubricant With Hemp Oil and HomeoStativa" from *CONDOMDEPOT.COM* (not for oral nor nasal intake)


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

We had faced the same issue since I could not take hormonal birth control (medical reason and also breastfed each baby). And hubby and I didn't like condoms. We always used spermicidal inserts (Blairex Labs Encare Vaginal Contraceptive, 12 Ct - Walmart.com). Worked great, were cheap, convenient, etc. Not sure why this isn't ever mentioned as an option when this topic comes up?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I didn't mention them because I reacted so badly to spermicide on my honeymoon (or the trip that we counted as it anyways though it was months after the fact) that it totally ruined my trip. 

Like ... to the point where I was given Valtrex because they thought it was herpes (which extensive tests by my doctor later proved to be totally false.) So then I was in terrible pain, weeping because I thought I had STDs, and they didn't decide to let me as a fair-skinned ginger know that Valtrex causes severe photo-sensitivity so then I got to add a second degree sunburn that blistered and bled on my chest as a bonus. 

We should start a birth control horror story thread.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Also, I mean, no one's mentioned this yet, but ... the patch has a weight limit. If your wife gained some weight with the pregnancy (which, come on, that's a given) she might be beyond the range for it's use.

Which, maybe she's too embarrassed to admit that. In combination with concerns about her milk if she's still breastfeeding.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Yikes! Now I'm scared of having sex with a woman for fear that I might accidentally kill her.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

You won't kill her with the Gangjalube at least, they discontinued it.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I also have an allergy to spermicide. I thought it was a latex allergy at first and ya, it's a nightmare. I got swelling, rash, pain


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

chaos said:


> Yikes! Now I'm scared of having sex with a woman for fear that I might accidentally kill her.


Face your fears.
Conquer your fears.
What better way to die.





Then send me pics.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I respect the fact that a women's choice in birth control. After all it;s her oven. i have no prob wearing a rain coat.

At least give me some options in dropping my load in /on another part of her body.

But hey I'm wired different then most.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Kylie84 said:


> Ok then. So why don't you?


You may have missed where he said that they want more children. A vasectomy could potentially prevent that, as they are not always reversible.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I'll second the coconut oil as lube thing. 

But, for ease of use, I'll make a recommendation over the get a jar comment. Get the liquid kind sold over in the supplement department, and transfer some of it to a smaller bottle. 

It works great, smells good, and has the added bonus that it's great at keeping uh ... lady problems at bay. (Not -that- one, unfortunately.  )


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

chaos said:


> Ah the hell with sex. It's just too damn complicated and overrated anyway.



Yup. It's definitely a deal breaker for me. I'd rather (and have) go without. I get zero pleasure from covered sex. Not worth it. And in a monogamous relationship??? Um, no.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Yup. It's definitely a deal breaker for me. I'd rather (and have) go without. I get zero pleasure from covered sex. Not worth it. And in a monogamous relationship??? Um, no.


All about the man's pleasure, forget about what is best for both people in the relationship. 

So what would happen if your wife developed health issues and couldn't take hormonal birth control? Would you divorce her because of that?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Anonymous07 said:


> All about the man's pleasure, forget about what is best for both people in the relationship.
> 
> 
> 
> So what would happen if your wife developed health issues and couldn't take hormonal birth control? Would you divorce her because of that?



Hypothetical at this point as we're long past that. But I simply wouldn't have sex. I'm just not interested in covered sex. I suppose I might give duty sex occasionally if she really wanted it but I'd get nothing from it and wouldn't orgasm.

And best for both? Sorry I don't see it that way. Best for the wife, yes. But for both? No. It's a one sided compromise.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Bodies can change, especially after kids.

I had no problems for several years when I was on hormonal birth control BEFORE having a child. Now I get plenty of side-effects/problems if taking it. Sh!t happens. We currently use NFP and condoms. Condom-free/bare sex doesn't just feel better to the MEN for crying out loud, women can tell the difference too! But if neither of you don't want a baby right now but don't want to permanently prevent pregnancy they or another hormone-free method may be a necessary evil when hormones in B/C start causing problems. 

Spermacide is good for many for PIV BUT a total kill-joy if you switch back and forth from PiV to oral. 

Diaphrams are a great alternative although they ruin spontaneity more-so than condoms. 

The female condom (does anyone use these outside of a sex-ed class?) should be about the same as the male condom in terms of the spontaneous buzz-kill factor.

The copper IUD if well fitted for both partners (the strings can jab at the guy's penis if too long) is probably the best but not without risks as it can perforate her uterus.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Hypothetical at this point as we're long past that. But I simply wouldn't have sex. I'm just not interested in covered sex. I suppose I might give duty sex occasionally if she really wanted it but I'd get nothing from it and wouldn't orgasm.
> 
> And best for both? Sorry I don't see it that way. Best for the wife, yes. But for both? No. It's a one sided compromise.


Do you think that a woman who has bad side effects from birth control should jeopardize her health for 'the good of the marriage' so that her husband can have uncovered sex?


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> Why did this change. It seems odd. Was their some medical reason the agreed form of BC changed?


The OP never answered this. I think this is the most important issue to address, if he wants anyone's help or advice here.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wolfman1968 said:


> The OP never answered this. I think this is the most important issue to address, if he wants anyone's help or advice here.


He was asked and never really answered.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

pills , Sperm killer , Mirena , condoms, etc ...

All are ways that could suit one couple but not all .

After trial over years , Mirena was the best option for my wife ;
The rare complication that has triggered law cases can be detected within 6-8 weeks which is something that The manufacturer recommended ;hence I don't beleieve that any women will win that case...

I advise OP to gently approach his issue ; only his wife can honestly respond to the effect of BC on her ; I recall when time when i pushed my wife a bit toward contraceptive pills called Yasmin ( same could apply to other pills); she ended up not orgasmic at all ; when I called our dear Gynocologist he told me yea this could be a side effect ....


Some men would be more than happy with condoms + BJ ; others could reach their peak with other holes 

At the end it is a spiritual thing that goes into various lifecycles in marriage ; even it varies with same ppl over time .

At the end ; no matter what you use it is a mutual agreement with you and your wife ; 

You are in a young marriage , it is worth all kind of sacrifices; in a young marriage where those little creatures are taking your chunk of care,her breasts and everything , it is worth at this stage to sacrifice;make her feel that you care ; give , and give , and give ...

after pleasing her , try to convey your discomfort ;and let her suggest alternatives ...

you will be astonished that you might change your mind and accept the condoms for a period ....


For me , after 17 years , Any intimacy attempt is appreciated ; we turn with age to be more romantic and appreciate life ....


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Well we all know that his pleasure is paramount, don't we?






Holland said:


> So a mans sexual please is the top priority in marriage? Is that what you are saying cletus? A woman has no right to a break from putting chemicals into her body especially post pregnancy and birth then dealing with a 6 month old. None of this is relevant because the man and his sexual pleasure is all that matters.
> 
> No wonder some women get turned off sex if that is the sort of attitude their partners have.







That is not what he said at all.



He merely pointed out what he thought some here do not know, and cannot possibly have first hand experience.



He then went on to suggest options for making condom more satisfying for the OP. Is that what you object to?





As for me, I have a hard time taking threads from unfamiliar posters at face value. Especially posts that seem ripe for splitting a subset of responders by gender, such as this one seems.



Nevertheless, OP, if you are listening, here is my advice:



1) your wife has a reason, so ask her what it is and be damn sure not to do so in accusatory fashion or you may be back here with more severe a problem (sexless marriage)



2) understand many men wear condoms throughout their marriage, and don't sweat it; many wives make sure the experience as a whole is worthwhile; her preferring condoms is not unusual



3) chemical-based and inserted contraceptives are risky for your wife; you should care; I would never have wanted my wife to use the hormonal ones, for sure



4) if having more kids is desirable, and you both are willing to risk the timing at some point, then using the rhythm method part of the month might make sense to you both; ask her to allow you to accompany her to a gyno appointment to discuss



5) let her know you are trying to understand



6) if you feel rejected by this new constraint, get over it



7) it could be worse (say, not having sexual contact at all for at least 7 - 8 months after giving birth -- it happens); you've got a good thing going; don't rock the boat


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Hypothetical at this point as we're long past that. But I simply wouldn't have sex. I'm just not interested in covered sex. I suppose I might give duty sex occasionally if she really wanted it but I'd get nothing from it and wouldn't orgasm.
> .


Interesting. Hormonal birth control can cause low libido and difficulty (or inability) to orgasm as well. Depo made it so difficult for me it wasn't even worth it in the end. 

So hypothetically, if a woman on BC was not interested in sex so she just stopped, maybe gave some duty sex occasionally, that would be acceptable?


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

This thread is exactly why I cannot wait until the temporary vasectomy shot is available for men.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Interesting. Hormonal birth control can cause low libido and difficulty (or inability) to orgasm as well. Depo made it so difficult for me it wasn't even worth it in the end.
> 
> 
> 
> So hypothetically, if a woman on BC was not interested in sex so she just stopped, maybe gave some duty sex occasionally, that would be acceptable?



I guess it would mean they just aren't compatible and should consider calling it quits.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I guess it would mean they just aren't compatible and should consider calling it quits.


Wow. I am glad my husband did not dump me when it because evident that I could not use chemical birth control!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> Wow. I am glad my husband did not dump me when it because evident that I could not use chemical birth control!



So if he couldn't have kept an erection or have an orgasm you'd have been fine with him going without?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> So if he couldn't have kept an erection or have an orgasm you'd have been fine with him going without?


Holy creative problem solving! So the answer is either she chooses to be a bloody, psycho, miserable, wretch or he goes without? Why on earth would he want me to be miserable? Why would I want either of us to "go without"?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

There are many non hormonal options.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> There are many non hormonal options.


Yup. We tried them all. And he was willing to continue to try condoms rather than dictate from a position of *****iness which was very helpful. And we discussed the pros and cons of each until we were done having kids and we could have our bits removed. Win/win.

Edit: We also added other fun and interesting activities to the mix!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

intheory said:


> Working,
> 
> 
> 
> ...



The fact is, for me, the non condom options are the only options. I'm not making this up. It's as much can't as wont. When it's physically impossible then you look at the other options. It's fine if both partners take one option off the table. But if both take all the options off the table, the only thing left is to go without or leave.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

So if you were single again, you wouldn't be able to have sex with any new partner with a condom on? 
There are ways to practice using a condom so you can get used to it and be able to perform with one.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> So if you were single again, you wouldn't be able to have sex with any new partner with a condom on?
> There are ways to practice using a condom so you can get used to it and be able to perform with one.


Yah it strikes me as kind of odd to consider it a non starter EVER. Unlike hormones, you can take it off and move right along. Strikes me as kind of weird.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Frank Masters said:


> My wife makes me use condoms as birth control method. This is super stressful since she was always on birth control before we married and I did not use a condom. I hate it but I don't know what to do since it has been a huge fight when I have brought this up int the past. I feel like I am getting less and less after making her my wife. Any advise?


Yes, get a vasectomy.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> Wow. I am glad my husband did not dump me when it because evident that I could not use chemical birth control!


Same here!

The only birth control that makes sense right now for my marriage is condoms. I'm glad he thinks about what is best for both of us instead of just himself.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> So if you were single again, you wouldn't be able to have sex with any new partner with a condom on?
> There are ways to practice using a condom so you can get used to it and be able to perform with one.


Hello STD/STIs. 

If a guy can't get or keep an erection with a condom, then he needs to practice how to overcome that mental block and there are different ways to do that.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Anonymous07 said:


> Hello STD/STIs.
> 
> If a guy can't get or keep an erection with a condom, then he needs to practice how to overcome that mental block and there are different ways to do that.


Never been a mental block for me just a physical one. What practice to overcome are you referring to?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

norajane said:


> Why is it so stressful for you to be responsible for birth control for a while?





SunnyT said:


> Maybe you should research other options for male birth control. Maybe a nice vasectomy? Or maybe some chemicals that screw up your horomones? Or a birth control chip? Or a foreign object inserted to your genitals?



Comments like the above are EXTREMELY unhelpful and trollish with the single purpose of turning this into a man vs. woman fight. Nowhere did the OP say that birth control was the woman's responsibility alone. All the OP did was ask for advice, since he doesn't like condoms. When people get married, getting rid of condoms is usually considered one of the nicer parts of the deal. It seems the OP got hit the opposite way. 


Condoms are not as easy as some people think - many times you can't tell which way it's rolled, end up putting it on backwards, which can be tricky to remove and ends up killing the mood. 


From all the horror stories in this thread, you would think the pill is the most toxic thing out there. The truth is, side effects, while they happen, are pretty rare and mild. After all, historically, the pill is credited for sparking the sexual revolution. If anyone read this thread only, they would think the pill was solely responsible for scaring people off of sex! 


Despite the horror stories of yesteryear, today's hormonal IUDs are very safe. My wife got one and it's the best thing ever. I don't know much about the mirena lawsuits, but keep in mind that Americans sue over everything, and Mirena still gets very high user ratings.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> Condoms are not as easy as some people think - many times you can't tell which way it's rolled, end up putting it on backwards, which can be tricky to remove and ends up killing the mood.


That sounds like someone needs practice. Also, if that kind of delay is all it takes to kill the mood, the mood between you and your partner sounds kind of fragile to begin with to be honest.

"Sorry, you missed the two minute window. I'm not interested anymore."



> After all, historically, the pill is credited for sparking the sexual revolution.


The cotton gin and slavery were responsible for the revolution in textile production. Just because something is responsible for a revolution doesn't somehow ignore it can or does have negatives.



> Some men would be more than happy with condoms + BJ ; others could reach their peak with other holes


I was waiting for this one to come up.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Theseus said:


> Comments like the above are EXTREMELY unhelpful and trollish with the single purpose of turning this into a man vs. woman fight. Nowhere did the OP say that birth control was the woman's responsibility alone. All the OP did was ask for advice, since he doesn't like condoms. When people get married, getting rid of condoms is usually considered one of the nicer parts of the deal. It seems the OP got hit the opposite way.
> 
> 
> Condoms are not as easy as some people think - many times you can't tell which way it's rolled, end up putting it on backwards, which can be tricky to remove and ends up killing the mood.
> ...


I don't see how that is very helpful to the people for whom they don't work well. I am not sure why one would want a raging lunatic who bleeds for 2+ weeks a month to have sex with! I tried the pill, Mirena and Depo. They were all a nightmare.

The most interesting thing about this thread is how there was pretty much nothing but the sound of crickets when the notion of actually discussing with his wife what the issues are and working on a solution together. Pretty common around here!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> That sounds like someone needs practice. Also, if that kind of delay is all it takes to kill the mood, the mood between you and your partner sounds kind of fragile to begin with to be honest.
> 
> "Sorry, you missed the two minute window. I'm not interested anymore."
> 
> ...


Why wouldn't it be part of the conversation? Understanding how hormonal BC affects her is important. It seems only GGG to me that if condoms are on the table and not his fave, discussions of other possibilities only makes sense.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Theseus, I was actually giving him the benefit of the doubt that it was the _responsibility _that was "super stressful" rather than using condoms was "super stressful" because they are less convenient or he just doesn't like them. 

The latter smacks of selfish because it doesn't take into account her reasons for the request - which OP has pretty much refused to explain, which leads me to believe his wife has some valid reasons he does not want to address. The former means he's concerned about accidental pregnancy and is stressing out about being the one to bear the burden of responsibility for birth control for the first time in their relationship.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Sure, but the equivalent response to "I can't figure out how to use them, so let's not" is "I can't remember to take it on time."


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> Sure, but the equivalent response to "I can't figure out how to use them, so let's not" is "I can't remember to take it on time."


If a couple is more interested in making excuses than solving problems, then they are ****ed anyway.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Try these if you must use condoms.

LifeStyles Dual Pleasure Shaped Condoms | Free Shipping


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

chaos said:


> Take sex with your partner to new highs. Try "Sexy Ganja Personal Lubricant With Hemp Oil and HomeoStativa" from *CONDOMDEPOT.COM* (*not for oral nor nasal intake*)


This is ridiculous. I wouldn't touch this stuff with a 10 foot pole. No nose jobs? Crazy.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Anonymous07 said:


> Hello STD/STIs.
> 
> If a guy can't get or keep an erection with a condom, then he needs to practice how to overcome that mental block and there are different ways to do that.


Its not that a guy can't get it up with a condom, just no feeling.

It just sucks, that's all. The only condoms I ever used that actually let the man have some feeling was NaturaLamb from Trojan


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> That sounds like someone needs practice. Also, if that kind of delay is all it takes to kill the mood, the mood between you and your partner sounds kind of fragile to begin with to be honest.


Yes, and that helps prove my point. Some couple's sex lives are pretty fragile and they don't need any more road blocks in the way.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

I wear two condoms all the time because when I take one off, it makes me feel like an animal.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Theseus said:


> Yes, and that helps prove my point. Some couple's sex lives are pretty fragile and they don't need any more road blocks in the way.


That sounds like trying to ignore the inevitable. If your sex life is that fragile, you are inevitably heading towards sexlessness. Seems like it would be better to find out sooner rather than later.

But, if it is that fragile, is risking someone losing libido with hormones a smart choice either? 

That seems like a no win scenario anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

chaos said:


> I wear two condoms all the time because when I take one off, it makes me feel like an animal.


What kind of animal? A chipmunk? The majestic platypus?


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## IWantGreatMarriage (May 20, 2014)

Maybe you should read far and wide about natural family planning and be prepared for any mistake that might happen? I don't like condom either but something gotta give


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

that.girl said:


> Let's all keep in mind that OP didn't say why his wife doesn't want the pill. We don't know if it makes her sick, or she doesn't like the responsibility, or whatever.
> 
> In fact, he said her side effects from the patch were minor, and she never tried the pill.


I was scrolling through looking for updates from the OP (of which there are NONE). I just happened to read this post. I also noted she didn't state a reason. 

She doesn't want your junk in her. And she wants to have a ready reason for no sex. No condoms handy? Don't feel like putting one on? Got limp while fishing it out, putting it on and wondering why the hell she is doing this to you? They all result in no sex, right? I mean, birth control exists to promote sex, right? So which method has the best chance of killing the mood?

She doesn't want to have sex with you. Find out why. 

My fallback is "she doesn't love you", but I'm jaded. But there must be a reason...


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

We don't know if she stated a reason. We all asked OP what exactly she said, and we never got a response. 

Also, for all this discussion about "mood killing" and "no sex" - as noted me and H have apparently an average or higher than average amount of sex (at least compared to numbers thrown out around TAM) and use condoms. Maybe he's just an unusual guy that he doesn't seem to have all of these issues with it. Or maybe given that I'm only his second partner and his first marriage was sexless, his bar of comparison is lower. Not sure.

But, we have more sex now that I went off the pill, lost a bunch of weight, fixed my post-partum depression and I'm not having medical problems that led to periods (IE, days/a week) of sexlessness. 

Not all women request condom use as some sly excuse to avoid sex. Or because they don't love you. Sometimes its because they do want to enjoy sex, but need something to change for that to happen. 

If someone is going to avoid sex with you, any excuse is as good as another. Could the change in BC be one? Sure, but then so could anything.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> Not all women request condom use as some sly excuse to avoid sex. Or because they don't love you. Sometimes its because they do want to enjoy sex, but need something to change for that to happen.


:rofl: Because the woman always has come kind of agenda when she wants you to wear a condom. 

My husband and I use condoms for birth control, and we have sex almost every day. It has never been an issue for us. Sex is great, but we don't want to get pregnant right now, so condoms are the best choice for us.


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