# My ex returned and wants me back?!



## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

Hello. I posted here a few months ago about my marriage going through a rough patch. You can look up my last thread about it.

Just when I thought everything had settled down and everything was back to normal, my ex showed up. Just three days ago, he showed up on my birthday. 

He knows I am married and I was expecting a baby which I lost.

I wasn't over my grief of losing my first child and now this happened. 

My ex with whom I had a week long sexual affair decided to return and the first thing he wanted to do was kiss me.

I wont lie I lost half of my self control on seeing him again. I could never get over his eyes and I just realized this now when I was literally hypnotized by him on just seeing him. 

He hugged me and told me how much he missed me and how he couldn't get over the time we spent together. He claims he tried his best to focus on his career as he never wanted to have any serious relationships but it was impossible for him to forget me and because he was haunted by all the memories we shared during our fling for such a long time, he had no option but to accept he had something else for me.

I didnt know how to react. Part of me was happy because I will admit I have never been so crazily attracted to any man as much as I have been towards him. 

He tried to kiss me but I somehow stopped him. His touch gave me goosebumps. I can't explain. I told him I am married and I love my husband but he clearly said I don't love my husband as much as I love him. 

He admitted that he is here to get me because I belong to him and he isnt going anywhere until I get with him. 

My husband does not know that he is back and I am scared of telling him. I don't know what to do. I tried to ward off my feelings for my ex but I find myself thinking about him. 

What do I do? I am at wits end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

So is this the guy you had the sex fest with before meeting your husband?


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Oh brother.


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> So is this the guy you had the sex fest with before meeting your husband?


Yes. I knew my husband though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Didn't bother reading your previous post . Fact is simple . You are married and expecting a baby . Hello ?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Oh sorry you lost the baby . 

Still you are married .

You mean that's the affair guy ?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Emma24 said:


> Yes. I knew my husband though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, I guess since you're actually pondering what to do here, I think we can see now why your husband was so bothered when he heard about this guy. He has reason to worry, obviously.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Please ask your husband to join TAM, I have some advice for him.


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

tripad said:


> Oh sorry you lost the baby .
> 
> Still you are married .
> 
> You mean that's the affair guy ?


Yes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

OnTheFly said:


> Please ask your husband to join TAM, I have some advice for him.


Please share your advice with me since I am here. He does not know anything about my ex's return and I cant tell him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

My advice is tell your husband.

How is it he showed up on your birthday and had all.this interaction with you and your husband isn't aware?

Commit to your husband! Or.... Give him everything in the divorce.

You are turning out to be about as desirable as green fungus to be married to.

If you won't grow the hell up your husband can, and will, do far better than you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Emma, so sorry about the lost of your baby. I can understand that will send you into an emotional tailspin. 

Emma, you must understand what you are thinking of is wrong and you letting that man back into your sphere is going to be the death of your marriage. 

You are not a young teenager with an infatuation- "his eyes are so captivating and I get so lost in them. I am so alive with him. I can feel the electricity. ". 

YOU ARE A GROWN WOMAN WITH A HUSBAND! Your mooning and stupid fantasies better stop. NOW. '

You have to tell your husband that this man is back. Together, you and your husband call him and let him know, he is not welcome.

If you don't do this and your husband finds out. You are in a world of a mess. AND YOUR HUSBAND WILL FIND OUT. IF YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND, TELL HIM NOW.

Stop acting like a child. You sound like my teenage daughter, for God sake, woman. End this crap. You claim you love your husband. I cant understand how you can show him such disrespect. 

Have some decency and tell your husband everything. You cant have them both. And the OM is feeding you a load of baloney. He is nothing but a slimy snake, crawling into your life to create problems.

Emma, you know what you have to do. You only have a small window of time to make this right. Set things right now.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Emma24 said:


> Please share your advice with me since I am here. He does not know anything about my ex's return and I cant tell him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The advice we'll give you will pretty much amount to the following, just repeated over 20 pages. 

You can either divorce and have the freedom to go be with your old flame,

Or you can tell your husband, and from there, hope he'll help you move on. 


But judging from your refusal to tell your husband and your poor boundaries, you'll end up in an affair, and this thread will probably be moved to CWI.


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> My advice is tell your husband.
> 
> How is it he showed up on your birthday and had all.this interaction with you and your husband isn't aware?
> 
> ...


My husband was on his business trip. How can I tell him? He will go mad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Emma24 said:


> Hello. I posted here a few months ago about my marriage going through a rough patch. You can look up my last thread about it.
> 
> Just when I thought everything had settled down and everything was back to normal, my ex showed up. Just three days ago, he showed up on my birthday.
> 
> ...


You are in a very precarious situation and are well on the way to ruining your marriage if you do not cease contact with this man immediately...It is just that simple.

If you place any value at all on your marriage with your husband, then the answer is very simple. You just need to make the choice. I have to be honest though...based upon how you have "wordsmithed" your post, I'm not convinced you are ready to go NC with this man.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Emma24 said:


> My husband was on his business trip. How can I tell him? He will go mad.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



You call him and tell him. "Honey, slimy snake is in town. I just wanted you to know. He came to see me. He had a lot of sh*t to say. When you come home, we will talk to him and straighten things out. I want you to know. I love you and will wait for you to return home before dealing with this". You deal with your husband and reassure him.


You both tackle this together. OM can say all he wants. He cant do anything with your husband at your side. 

Other wise you are dealing with a boat load of crap.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Emma, how did this snake go about contacting you to see you on your birthday?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Emma24 said:


> My husband was on his business trip. How can I tell him? He will go mad.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You do it by being outraged and mad yourself!

Be angry with this piece of slime that doesn't care about trying to destroy your marriage.

You say you love your husband? Well this man desires to drive a knife in your husband's heart!

How can you not be furious with someone that desires to hurt your loved one so evil a fashion?

If you are friendly with an enemy of your marriage that makes you an enemy as well!

Be a warrior that is angered by enemies of your marriage!

If your husband sees that you are outraged and offended by this interloper, he will see you two are united against a common enemy.

The truth is darker, isn't it?

You are an enemy of your marriage, aren't you?

It is not to late to become a noble woman who fiercely defends her marriage.

I encourage you to become her. You will become someone to admire instead of what you are now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Well I guess we know who sent the pics now.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

GusP., yes, now we know who sent those photos.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Emma24 said:


> My husband was on his business trip. How can I tell him? He will go mad.


Your best choice would've been to tell your husband immediately. Now that time has gone by, there might be doubt on his part as to why you have waited. You're going to have to practice "brutal honesty" if/when you make the decision to tell him.

Just so you know, I am an adulterer and our D-Day was 12/19/14. There was no question in my mind when I went NC with the OW and have remained true to my word...NC whatsoever with the OW.

I was tested a couple of months ago (I wrote about it here on TAM) when the OW attempted to contact me via email asking to reestablish the relationship...Not even gonna go there...I immediately told my wife....immediately.

Good luck my friend, but I will say it again...If you value your marriage, then you need to be open with your husband and make a commitment before him that you will no longer have any contact with this man whatsoever...

And then give him access to your computer(s), smartphones, etc.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Emma, after reading your old post, I have to think that OM sent those photos. He is not thinking about your happiness. He is a selfish man. If you are stupid and restart something with him, you are going to be thrown to the trash heap once he is finished with you. 

Get smart girl. Do as ConanHub said, get mad. Be angry that this snake wants to destroy your marriage. Because that is what he wants to do.

Playing with fire here. Thread lightly.


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Emma, how did this snake go about contacting you to see you on your birthday?


He didnt contact me at all. He just showed up. And to put it really honestly, I have mixed feelings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Mixed feeling about what? Do you want him?


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> Emma, after reading your old post, I have to think that OM sent those photos. He is not thinking about your happiness. He is a selfish man. If you are stupid and restart something with him, you are going to be thrown to the trash heap once he is fished with you.
> 
> Get smart girl. Do as ConanHub said, get mad. Be angry that this snake wants to destroy your marriage. Because that is what he wants to do.
> 
> Playing with fire here. Thread lightly.


But why would have want to destroy my marriage? I mean what will he get by doing so?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Emma24 said:


> He didnt contact me at all. He just showed up. And to put it really honestly, I have mixed feelings.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What's your view on fidelity within a marriage?


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Emma24 said:


> But why would have want to destroy my marriage? I mean what will he get by doing so?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Another notch in his belt.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Emma24 said:


> But why would have want to destroy my marriage? *I mean what will he get by doing so?*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You?


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## IDsrvBetr (Jul 29, 2015)

I feel sorry for your husband. 

You have two honorable choices and one horrible one. NC w/OM and focus on your marriage, Tell your husband the truth and divorce him, or continue what you plan on doing here...in that order.

Pretty sure you knew that already and sounds like you are leaning towards option 3 unfortunately.

I'm with everyone else...grow up


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> Mixed feeling about what? Do you want him?


I don't know. I was happy with my marriage but the moment I saw him face to face once again, I felt weird. I should be feeling sad or threatened ,but I dont feel that way and its not a good sign.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

He gets to smile and gloat to everyone about stealing you from your loser husband. Is that what you want?

I have a feeling that you want Slimy Snake. That you really want to reconnect. You are chasing after that high you got from being with him.
You think its all gonna be a great romance novel. Grow up.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Emma24 said:


> I don't know. I was happy with my marriage but the moment I saw him face to face once again, I felt weird. I should be feeling sad or threatened ,but I dont feel that way and its not a good sign.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You sound like a very immature woman.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

So this guy just magically showed up three days ago, unannounced, and on your birthday to boot...? 

Sorry, but I'm calling bullsh*t on that.

How long has your husband been out of town? Aside from OM "just showing up" on your birthday, have you had any additional contact w/ him? Is he still around? Be honest.

Either way, despite all of the back and forth in your other thread, it's pretty clear that your husband was right to be concerned about this guy.

I'd advise that you immediately tell your husband the truth.

All of it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Emma24 said:


> And to put it really honestly, I have mixed feelings.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah. Like we couldn't tell.

That is why you are an enemy of your marriage. You are unfaithful in your heart and untrue to your husband.

You are not to be desired by honorable men.

That is why you attract dogs like the one that is sniffing around your rear while your husband is away.

What a courageous and noble man you have allowed in your life.

You do not love your husband and you are not a good wife.

You are a thing to be used and used again by disgusting men.

Women direct their hearts. Little girls follow their hearts mindlessly.

Marriage is for women. Give your husband everything in the divorce.

He will certainly find a woman who is ready to be a wife while you get pumped and dumped by losers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> So this guy just magically showed up three days ago, unannounced, and on your birthday to boot...?
> 
> Sorry, but I'm calling bullsh*t on that.
> 
> ...


No I never had any contact with him. He went away and it was over. 
He ll be back tommorrow.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

He said you belonged to him?! Who is he,Svengali? He shows you he has no respect for your marriage,your husband and even you. He assumes your moral code is the same as his. Is it?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Emma24 said:


> But why would have want to destroy my marriage? I mean what will he get by doing so?


Another notch on his belt.

DUH.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Emma24 said:


> No I never had any contact with him. He went away and it was over.
> He ll be back tommorrow.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He'll be back huh?

You are actively cheating on your husband.

How does it feel to betray the one you say you love?

I don't believe you. You are a liar and a cheater.

Goodbye.
_Posted via Mobile Device_

Or do you mean your H will be back?


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Emma24 said:


> I don't know. I was happy with my marriage but the moment I saw him face to face once again, I felt weird. I should be feeling sad or threatened ,but I dont feel that way and its not a good sign.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, its not a good sign. Emma, you are on the verge of falling off the cliff. Stop thinking about this man. You have one choice. Tell your husband. If you don't then, there is nothing else, we can tell you. 

Your husband already has reasons to mistrust you. This here is the perfect opportunity for you to prove your love and loyalty to your Husband.

That what you do when you love your husband. You put him above everyone else. You give the him ability to trust that his wife will be faithful. You give him 110% of your loyalty. You have his back, when someone tries to disrespect your husband, you defend him. That your job as his wife.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Let me ask you something:
This guy used you for a week of sexual excitement before leaving. 

He openly told you he cares about his career, and wants no distractions. That means, bad father, and likely a bad communicator/husband for talking to. 

And now he is back, trying to break up your marriage, which gives me a pretty good idea of his moral character. 

Let me ask you something:
What do you see in this guy? 

Besides hypnotic eyes?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Emma24 said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> > Oh sorry you lost the baby .
> ...


Does your husband know you had an affair ?

Or he knew n he's reconciling ?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Emma, you must stop contact with your ex immediately. He told you he would be visiting you again today or tomorrow. Make sure that you have someone with you, preferably your husband's relative or someone who hates him. You forgot why he left you. He abandoned you and threw you away like a used condom. Do not play with fire or you will get burnt.

Tell your husband everything. If you want to go back to your ex, give your husband a divorce. He will deserve a better wife than you. If you go back to your ex, I assure you that you will not ride together in the sunset. One of you will fall off your horse and I will predict that it would be you!


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Yes emma 

Simple . You are married . Tell the guy to fuvk off .

Unless your husband is abusing you , even at that , you leave but not for another man. 

Just tell him to fuvk off . He will get it . problem is with you .


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Wow seriously how old are you? Wayward women are destined for dementia!! Think about losing your mind cuz you have temp and will start to lose it around 50 permanently!! That's the sad life ahead of u with no one to care for you while you shake from panick attacks


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> Wow seriously how old are you?


She just had a birthday. Sounds like it was her 13th.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

I'm speechless that someone who has internet access would even sound that foolhardy. Here I am on a flight to Vegas hopefully saving someone else's ass. Oh stewardess more wine please to cope w waywardness.

Dude


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

What do you think would happen if you told your husband what he said to you and your husband met up with him? Who would win that fight?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

This is going to be good.....


It will be the Labor Day affair saga.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Dude007 said:


> I'm speechless that someone who has internet access would even sound that foolhardy. Here I am on a flight to Vegas hopefully saving someone else's ass. Oh stewardess more wine please to cope w waywardness.
> 
> Dude


Enjoy the wine .


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma24 said:


> My husband was on his business trip. How can I tell him? He will go mad.


Can you tell us the curcumstances under which you met this ex on your birthday?

Did he call you? 
How did he get in touch with you.
Where did you meet him? Was it in public? at your house?

Was he the one who sent that photo that your husband intercepted?

How long with this guy be in your town? Is he there for a few days? 

Has he offered to marry you can take you to live with him wherever it is that he lives?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tripad said:


> Does your husband know you had an affair ?
> 
> Or he knew n he's reconciling ?


She did not cheat on her husband in the past. This is a guy from before she stated dating her husband.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Yeah it's orquestra cab, not too bad!! I'm definitely gonna need more. This site is better than reality TV. I'm showing all the passengers around me how foolish some people can be when they blow there life up sky high. No pun intended


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Read threads about EAs, and the fog. Your ex is an ass. If you don't 5 or 10 yrs from now your next post will be I am a WW who has been betrayed by my AP. Read elegirl's post about her friend who hated but could not stop loving her abusive husband. 

Straight up he sent your husband pics that almost destroyed your marriage. If this was happening to a friend of your's you would hate the ex. So why don't you? The fog. 

This is the third reversion to my post. I did not post them because they were harsh and "to be tempted is human, to resist is divine". Your actions will define who and what you are. Understand if you fade away, the people here will never know who you are, but will know what you are.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Yeah. Like we couldn't tell.
> 
> That is why you are an enemy of your marriage. You are unfaithful in your heart and untrue to your husband.
> 
> ...


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> What do you think would happen if you told your husband what he said to you and your husband met up with him? Who would win that fight?


How can I say who will win?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Can you tell us the curcumstances under which you met this ex on your birthday?
> 
> Did he call you?
> How did he get in touch with you.
> ...


He didnt call. I was at home when he came over. I am not sure but most likely 4 days. 

He admitted he sent the pictures. He heard about my marriage and was unhappy with it and confessed he tried to sabotage it. 

Yes he was saying he wants me permanently. He is here for a few days
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You're easy for him. All he had to do was show up and you're thinking of having an affair. That's a pretty good reason for him to make this token effort. No doubt he'll go cold after a short time and leave you to pick up the pieces of your life.

Don't listen to this stuff about giving your husband everything in the divorce. Whatever happens, you both chose this path. He chose you and you chose him and come what may, this stuff about possessions shouldn't even come into it. That's between the both of you when it happens. I don't even know why that's a part of the discussion.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I can tell you like apples. I can also tell you want to be fought over.

If your H has nine brain cells to rub together, he will drop D papers on you Tuesday morning.

Your reaction to this punk implies you desire going sexual with him again.

My granny always said, "Proper women know when to cross their legs."

Guess what she said about immoral ones..... yeah

An ex is an ex for a reason. My 1st love from over 25 years ago has chased me for about as long

She always wanted me when I was in a LTR or M. I would laugh at her.

We date now but only as FWB.... I am 100% single and her D is near final. If I were serious

with someone, 1st love would only get a busy signal.

You are M.... either tell your H the truth and R, or D him... he deserves better.

If you keep your little sex punk a secret, he will find out..... I guarantee it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma24 said:


> He didnt call. I was at home when he came over. I am not sure but most likely 4 days.
> 
> He admitted he sent the pictures. He heard about my marriage and was unhappy with it and confessed he tried to sabotage it.
> 
> Yes he was saying he wants me permanently. He is here for a few days


Emma,

You had a 10 day fling with his guy a few years ago. 

I know that it sounds very romantic to have this guy show up and profess his lover for you. 

A few months ago your marriage was in shambles because of this guy sent a picture to try to ruin your marriage. You were pregnant and your husband was ready to dump you over a picture of something that happened a long time ago, before you even dated you husband. The last time you posted here your husband was telling you that he did not want to be married to you. He was doubting that the baby was his. Basically he was treating you pretty poorly. Then you lost your baby. How far along in the pregnancy were you when you lost your baby?

Losing a baby is one of the worst things a person can go through. I know, I’ve been through. I’m sure that you have been shattered. 
How has your husband been treating you? Has is still been mean to you? Does he still not want to talk to you? Does he still say mean things to you?

I wonder if what is happening to you right now is that anything looks better than living in your life where you lost your baby and you have martial problems. I get it. 

But let me tell you something. No honorable man sends a photo to ruin your marriage. An honorable man does not show up at your home when he knows your husband is traveling. And how does he know that your husband is traveling anyway? This guy is in town for a few days. What he wants is someone to have sex with while he’s there. And he figures that you are an easy person to have sex with.

I agree with someone who said that you need to have someone with you so that if this guy shows up you basically have protection from him. Then if this guy shows up, have that person who is with you hand him a note saying:

“I’m married. Leave me alone. You tried to destroy my marriage. And now you are here again trying to do it for your own amusement. I love my husband. This is so disrespectful to my husband and to me. Do not ever contact me again.” 

Or even better, go stay with a friend or family member until your husband returns. You can send this this guy that no contact letter.

If the guy does not leave, call the police.
If you do not act that decisively, your marriage is over. Your husband did not handle the picture thing very well. How do you think he will respond to this? You are no longer pregnant. He can divorce you in a heartbeat now with no worry about his child.

If you want your marriage, that’s what you will do. If you don’t want your marriage. Than go see a lawyer and file for divorce.
But do not do what you are about to do, have an affair. It will destroy you. And the ex will leave again. No he does not want you in his life permanently. If he did, he would have come back long before you married. He is playing some pretty cruel game with you.


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Emma,
> 
> You had a 10 day fling with his guy a few years ago.
> 
> ...


But why is he back now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Tell your H immediately so that you have accountability.

You are emotionally weak now with losing a baby, get yourself out of danger by engaging with your H and fighting this together.

Do not allow this OM to come within 50 meters of you, ignore calls, messages, etc. He is a predator who just wants to use you.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Emma24 said:


> But why is he back now?


Ele tried to spell it out for you, but apparently she wasn't being quite clear enough for you...

He's in the area. He's horny. He knows how you feel about him, so he figures you're an easy conquest. Additionally, he knows that your husband is out of town. Hell, convincing married women to betray their husbands might be his thing.

Sooo... basically, to Mr. Brighteyes McD**chebag, you're both low-hanging fruit AND a (very) slight challenge.

Romantic, huh?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma24 said:


> But why is he back now?


Why was he there when you first met him?

Did you ask him why he's back? If so what did he say?

How many days was he in your town before he came to see you?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma,

I want to you to think this through. 

You feel very bad because of all the hurt that has been in your life over the last few months. Then here Mr. Brighteyes shows up and tells you how wonderful you are and that he loves you. Wow.. now you feel great... why? Because your brain is making all kinds of feel good chemicals.

So now with all the feel-good chemicals you feel better than you have in a long time.

You see him, and you have a fling with him. after all he said that he wants to be with your permanently.

Now your marriage is ruined but you do not care because after all, he said he wants to be with you permanently.

Then Mr. Brighteyes' visit to your town is over. He leaves. Maybe he even promises you that he will send you a ticket. Or maybe he just leaves without telling you.

So now there you are. You are left in your town, alone, your marriage ruined. Your husband hates you. 

That's your future if you do not stop this nonsense with Mr. Brighteyes.

Men lie. Don't you know that? If he truly loved you, he would have come back a long time ago for you.

He sent you the picture because he knew he was coming back. So he sent it ahead of time to start playing games with you. After all he needed an women who he felt he could get sex from easily. And you are it.

Please wake up. No one wants to see you ruin your life and your marriage... well except for your ex. But he does not care about you.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Emma, how old are you and your husband? How old is your ex? A poster here pointed out to you that your ex-lover is a predator. Listen to EleGirl. She gave a very detailed response. Do not wreck your life...your ex-lover is a "Run Around Sue" and will leave you in pain. He is a hit and run type of guy; the very bad sort.


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

You guys are wasting your time, she's made her mind up, ugh!!!


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Why was he there when you first met him?
> 
> Did you ask him why he's back? If so what did he say?
> 
> How many days was he in your town before he came to see you?


He said he is back here and he isnt going to leave until he gets me back! 

He landed just a day before my birthday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

Roselyn said:


> Emma, how old are you and your husband? How old is your ex? A poster here pointed out to you that your ex-lover is a predator. Listen to EleGirl. She gave a very detailed response. Do not wreck your life...your ex-lover is a "Run Around Sue" and will leave you in pain. He is a hit and run type of guy; the very bad sort.


I am 25 now. My husband is 31 and my ex is 29.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Emma,
> 
> I want to you to think this through.
> 
> ...


My husband will dump me the moment he hears about my ex's return. How do I handle this situation without letting him know? 

And my ex can get any woman he wants. Why targeting me again?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma24 said:


> My husband will dump me the moment he hears about my ex's return. How do I handle this situation without letting him know?


How has your husband been since the last time you posted on your old thread? Did he ever go back to treating you like he did before he found the picture?

You cannot do this without telling your husband. Why? Because the chances of him finding out that this guy is in town are too big. Someone else posted a good way for you to tell your husband. That's what you do. If he choses to dump you because some guy showed up at your house uninvited. Than that's on him.

Do you see how your ex does not really care about you? If he cared about you he could not have shown up like he was the great prize with no care for you and your marriage. Him just showing up can destroy your marriage. But he does not care what you want.. he only cares what he wants.

You have to tell your husband. But leave out all the drama about looking into the guys eyes and all that stupid nonsense. Just the facts. Go back and find the post on this thread where someone told you what to tell your husband.



Emma24 said:


> And my ex can get any woman he wants. Why targeting me again?


No he cannot get any woman he wants. There is not any man on this earth who can get any woman he wants.

Why you? Because he was able to get you so easily before. So he figures that you will be easy for them to use for a week or so again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma,

Tell me, are you willing to give up your marriage on the very slim chance that your ex does want you to marry you and that the two of you can form a long term relationship? Before answering, keep in mind that there is about a 3% chance of this working.

Are you willing to give up your marriage for that?


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> How has your husband been since the last time you posted on your old thread? Did he ever go back to treating you like he did before he found the picture?
> 
> You cannot do this without telling your husband. Why? Because the chances of him finding out that this guy is in town are too big. Someone else posted a good way for you to tell your husband. That's what you do. If he choses to dump you because some guy showed up at your house uninvited. Than that's on him.
> 
> ...


He hasnt been the same. His anger had lessened and he starting being nice but the emotional bonding we shared just vanished.
He never shared anything with me like he used to. 

This time if I tell him, I will be shown the door. The photos did half of the damage and once he hears about my ex, he will immediately jump to a conclusion and push me out. 

Still, I ll try telling him in some other way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Emma,
> 
> Tell me, are you willing to give up your marriage on the very slim chance that your ex does want you to marry you and that the two of you can form a long term relationship? Before answering, keep in mind that there is about a 3% chance of this working.
> 
> Are you willing to give up your marriage for that?


I have no clue what to do. I have a husband who will never accept me once he finds out about my ex's return and an ex whose intentions are unclear to me. Why he came back? He was obviously plotting all this hence the photos arrived just a few months before his arrival. 

And he plotted all this just to get free sex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

I knew this post was coming, I just knew it!

Dear Emma,
Firstly I would like to offer my condolences for the loss of your baby. A terrible thing to have to happen to someone. A few things I would like to add. You think brown eye (heard someone else call him that in your previous thread) can have any woman he wants because YOU are so attracted to him. Like ELe said, this is not the case.

I don't want to put you down, but you seem easily played by an intelligent, deceitful player of a man. You are vulnerable right now and are longing for affection and attention, and this is screwing up you ability to see what is. I'm actually in a similar circumstance myself right now, so I can relate to how you're feeling. So please don't wright off others who have belittled you because of your feelings. They are real, but brain shrinking. 

I have developed a huge crush on someone, and have had to remove myself for the situation. I have had to use logic to overcome my emotions in the matter. I'm using my head to beat my heart. This is working for me. You feel for this man, but deep down you know that he is nothing for you, and that you are nothing but easy sex to him. Remind yourself of this.

You are afraid of telling your husband, but you need to and this is why. Brown eye (BE) has already unbalanced things by just sending a photo. BE stated that he is not leaving until he has you. You said that BE is returning. If you don't tell your husband, and he sees this man, a neighbor sees this man, you're fcuked! If I was BE, I would leave a note around for you husband to find saying something like "You look sooo hot with my come on your face baby, leave your husband for me". How long do you think your husband will stay with you if he found a note like this????

If I were you I would call him immediately and be angry on the phone. Tell him that you didn't want to disturb him or distract him from him business but you just can't hold in your anger any more. (A little lie to cover for your delay) Tell him that brown eye came, and said that he wants you back, and that you nearly punched his lights out. How you were enraged at his entitlement, and his arrogance and lack of respect. To think that you would just melt at the sight of him, what a joke (another lie to save your a$$) Tell him if he hears about a woman bashing a man in your area, that it's probable you bashing brown eye. You must be angry on the phone. You must act exactly like a dedicated wife would act! ( I haven't decided weather that last sentence was a dig at you or not, so take it how you please)

Make no mistake, player boy is going to make another move not only to destroy your marriage, but to destroy you. Because once he is done with you, like someone else said, you will be his used condom again, and it will be too late. Please, stay strong, and slam the door in this guys face. Metaphorically and literally speaking!

Good luck!


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Maybe he gets off on breaking up marriages. Why does it even matter anyway? It doesn't matter why he's there, what matters is what you are going to do about it.

It's like someone asking why that person over there just lied to their partner, or why some other person just stole from a store when they have plenty of money. People are f*cked up. If you want to spend your life trying to figure out why, go study it, otherwise, get on with yours.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Yes, as @breeze said, why does it matter WHY he is there? Do YOU realize you are married and made a vow? If he comes back, call the police!! That will show your husband you realize the severity of this situation.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Emma24 said:


> He didnt call. I was at home when he came over. I am not sure but most likely 4 days.
> 
> He admitted he sent the pictures. He heard about my marriage and was unhappy with it and confessed he tried to sabotage it.
> 
> ...


I certainly wouldn't have mixed feelings about an ex that tried to ruin my marriage by having a little boy tantrum to get my attention. The fact that it worked on you says quite a bit. 

Personally, I'd be pissed off royalty that he stuck his oar in. 

Your poor husband.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Emma24 said:


> I have no clue what to do. I have a husband who will never accept me once he finds out about my ex's return and an ex whose intentions are unclear to me. Why he came back? He was obviously plotting all this hence the photos arrived just a few months before his arrival.
> 
> And he plotted all this just to get free sex?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Emma, by doing nothing your husband will definitely not be happy. If you tell your ex to buzz off and talk with your husband honestly, he will either listen or not. 

If your husband can't see reason, then maybe you're not compatible anyway, you should at least try. 

Kick the OM to the curb like EleGirl said. 

Get serious. You're acting like an alpha widow because of a short term affair. Even if you weren't married, I'd say stay the hell away from this guy... He's not the type to stick around. You're a game and a challenge to him. Once he wins you the games over and he'll throw you under the bus. 

Oiy vey.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I didn't read all of the post.....but after just a few post I saw a woman (Emma) who is unhappy with her marriage and thinks her ex (do you even consider him an ex after nothing but 10 days of sex?) is going to re spark her life. After reading a handful of other post I don't believe Emma wants to be married, I think she is going to cheat regardless of the consequences. Heck she may cheat because of the consequences, ie; a reason to end her marriage. I also don't believe this guy magically appeared at her door, he knows she is married, he wasn't going to show up and take a chance her husband was home, there was some prior contact. My guess is the guy used the line "your husband left you home alone on your birthday? What an ass, I'll come make you happy" 

Emma you are not emotionally committed to your marriage, that much is obvious. You are delusional if you think a ten day sex romp three years ago gives you and this guy enough of a connection to live happily ever after. This guy had great sex with you, and that's all he wants, more great sex. He knows you are married so that makes you safe commitment wise in his eyes, you're nothing more than a sperm dump to him. 

Bottom line is you are not acting like a married woman, do your husband a favor and get a divorce, let him find a woman he can trust, and maybe you will even find someone you will happily commit to and not be tempted to cheat on.


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

Cooper said:


> I didn't read all of the post.....but after just a few post I saw a woman (Emma) who is unhappy with her marriage and thinks her ex (do you even consider him an ex after nothing but 10 days of sex?) is going to re spark her life. After reading a handful of other post I don't believe Emma wants to be married, I think she is going to cheat regardless of the consequences. Heck she may cheat because of the consequences, ie; a reason to end her marriage. I also don't believe this guy magically appeared at her door, he knows she is married, he wasn't going to show up and take a chance her husband was home, there was some prior contact. My guess is the guy used the line "your husband left you home alone on your birthday? What an ass, I'll come make you happy"
> 
> Emma you are not emotionally committed to your marriage, that much is obvious. You are delusional if you think a ten day sex romp three years ago gives you and this guy enough of a connection to live happily ever after. This guy had great sex with you, and that's all he wants, more great sex. He knows you are married so that makes you safe commitment wise in his eyes, you're nothing more than a sperm dump to him.
> 
> Bottom line is you are not acting like a married woman, do your husband a favor and get a divorce, let him find a woman he can trust, and maybe you will even find someone you will happily commit to and not be tempted to cheat on.


He can get great sex with anyone.??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Emma24 said:


> He can get great sex with anyone.??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What are you fishing for here when you keep asking questions like this? Us to say, "Well you MUST be soul mates?" Or "You must just be an extra special woman?"

I feel like I need to address you like I do my 6 year old niece when she keeps asking "why? why? why?" So here goes: "Why do YOU think he's doing this?"


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## dental (Apr 16, 2014)

It's interesting what I get from this thread: irritation. My nine your old has more intelligence and empathy than OP. I think that OP is infantile narcissistic, addicted to attention, not the smartest cookie and has the emotional stability of a 5-year old. I emphasize that I don't write these things to spite OP, but I truly think that approaching OP as an adult will not lead to favorable results, simply because she does not present herself as an adult. I notice that the tone of voice of the majority of the posts are like a parent would address a child. Why even bother, OP, you've made clear what your desire is, go for it!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Emma24 said:


> He can get great sex with anyone.??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:|





I think you went ahead and slept with him. Is he still at your house?


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Emma24 said:


> And my ex can get any woman he wants. Why targeting me again?


He knows he can get you to spread your legs with very little effort on his part.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Emma24 said:


> He can get great sex with anyone.??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Probably true.....but he has a history with you, that puts him ten steps ahead in the hunt, and that gives the predator(him) a serious advantage over his prey(you), and again the fact that you are married means no chance of commitment.

Here's a fun idea.....pack several suitcases and go to his house, tell him you have left your husband, filed for divorce and are ready to be "his" forever. And please take a picture of his face and post it here, I would love to see his expression.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Emma24 said:


> He can get great sex with anyone.??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are not telling us everything. I suspect that your husband has reasons why he is thinking of dumping you. You fear your husband because he is no fool. Based on your responses such as "he can get sex with anyone?", this indicates that you are so proud of being this man's sex slave for 10 days. What an accomplishment for the 25 years of your life. 

You have reasons to fear that your husband will dump you. He is an accomplished man with a responsible job. Does your ex have a job or do you have a job as well? You are grasping for any reasons to be with your ex.

Fix your thinking mindset. You are at the verge of destroying yourself.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Ok, Emma, here is why you NEED to tell your husband yesterday. 

This player has shown a complete disregard for your marriage, using old photo's that aren't even relevant to ruin your marriage. So he has no problems lying, cheating, and manipulating to get what he wants. And he knows how to contact your husband. 

The player will either tell him to force you two to split so he can bed you, or tell him just to get revenge for you not sleeping with him when he was in town. 

Your husband is going to find out.

The question is who will tell him the story. 
You, who's truthfulness I am starting to question...
Or the player. Who we all know will lie and cheat and manipulate to get a woman in bed. 

Pick one.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Broken at 20 said:


> Ok, Emma, here is why you NEED to tell your husband yesterday.
> 
> This player has shown a complete disregard for your marriage, using old photo's that aren't even relevant to ruin your marriage. So he has no problems lying, cheating, and manipulating to get what he wants.


And low and despicable


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

My husband arrived last night. I told him about my ex this morning but he didnt say anything. 

Nothing at all. He was quite happy when he came back and was acting normal but the moment he heard about the ex, he had a very serious look on his face and became quiet. 

No talks at all. I dont know what to do now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Did you also follow up the conversation with "...and I don't want anything to do with this man and I was wondering if you would mind taking a stand against him."

Empower him. When the OW attempted to contact me, I gave my wife all the power to deal with it as she saw fit. I told her I would honor whatever decision she made.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma24 said:


> I have no clue what to do. I have a husband who will never accept me once he finds out about my ex's return and an ex whose intentions are unclear to me. Why he came back? He was obviously plotting all this hence the photos arrived just a few months before his arrival.
> 
> And he plotted all this just to get free sex?


Oh, it's more than free sex. It's a game that makes him feel like he can control women. It makes him feel very powerful and very sexy. To him that's what feeds his ego. There is a kind of man who does this. 


I'm also concerned about the way your husband has continued to treat you. You say that the bond is now gone between the two of you. Him finding the picture caused a lot of problems. Now the loss of your baby (I am sorry for your loss.) has caused ever more damage. A lot of marriages never recover from the loss of a baby. 

Why does this have to be a contest between you husband and BE? It should not be. This should be about what you want. Maybe neither man is the right one for you.

Get rid of BE. Write him the letter telling him to leave you alone. Tell your husband. I like the post above that mentions you showing your husband your anger at BE... because you should be angry at him. He's trying to destroy your marriage.

Then once BE is out of the picture. Deal with your husband. If you feel that your marriage is broken, maybe it's time for you to leave him... if that's what you want. 

What do you want? Can you address that?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma24 said:


> My husband arrived last night. I told him about my ex this morning but he didnt say anything.
> 
> Nothing at all. He was quite happy when he came back and was acting normal but the moment he heard about the ex, he had a very serious look on his face and became quiet.
> 
> No talks at all. I dont know what to do now.


Write that letter I talked about to tell your ex to stay the hell away from you. Add an angry tone to it.

Then take the letter and tell your husband that you read that giving a no contact letter to the person is a good idea. That way if he contacts you again you can call the police on him and show the police a copy of the letter.

Tell your husband that you want him to be with you when you mail it to the ex because you want your husband to know your commitment to him.. your husband.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Is your husband a douche to everyone, or just you?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If her husband is an abusive piece of dogsh!t then why are we caring if she sleeps with this other dude?

What she should do is plant an iron skillet upside her husband's head the next time he gets nasty with her and leave his sorry butt. 

Adultery is uncalled for...

Physical and mental abuse is a crime.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> If her husband is an abusive piece of dogsh!t then why are we caring if she sleeps with this other dude?
> 
> What she should do is plant an iron skillet upside her husband's head the next time he gets nasty with her and leave his sorry butt.
> 
> ...


Actually mental abuse is not a crime unless it's things like locking a person in a room, etc.

The reason I care about whether or not if Emma sleeps with the ex is that it would most likely cause her more emotional harm than not for two reasons. 1) her marriage is not settled yet. 2) she's very vulnerable right now because of the loss of her baby and the way her husband has been treating her.

She needs to settle her marriage. If her marriage can be fixed and she stays, then that's ok. If she needs to leave her marriage then she needs to do it with her head held up high... Emma lives in a traditional culture. If she has an affair to help her leave, she will be branded in a very bad way. She does not need this kind of hurt in her life.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Actually mental abuse is not a crime unless it's things like locking a person in a room, etc.
> 
> The reason I care about whether or not if Emma sleeps with the ex is that it would most likely cause her more emotional harm than not for two reasons. 1) her marriage is not settled yet. 2) she's very vulnerable right now because of the loss of her baby and the way her husband has been treating her.
> 
> She needs to settle her marriage. If her marriage can be fixed and she stays, then that's ok. If she needs to leave her marriage then she needs to do it with her head held up high... Emma lives in a traditional culture. If she has an affair to help her leave, she will be branded in a very bad way. She does not need this kind of hurt in her life.



Give me ten minutes in a locked room with her husband and a three foot length of bicycle chain and I will solve half her marital problems for her. She'll have to wait a couple of weeks for him to get out of the hospital...

This sh!t would stop if the community of men would excercise some social controls on their brethren.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Emma, I read your other post. Your ex-lover was in the same "friends circle" with you and your husband. You had a two week, mostly sex tryst, with your lover. Your husband did not know about your affair with your ex-lover until he married you when pictures of you and your ex-lover were sent to your husband. Your husband must have known the type of women who had flings with this man. Unknown to your husband, you were one of your ex-lover's women. I doubt that he would have married you, had he known your connection with your ex-lover.

From your posts, your husband's treatment towards you changed. In this present post, you stated that it was your ex-lover who sent those pictures to your husband with the intent of destroying your marriage so that he can have another fling with you. So far, you have not made the move to cheat on your husband.

If you want to save your marriage, you need to have a talk with your husband to assure him of your fidelity and commitment to stay in this marriage. You also need to see a counselor for the both of you. I would recommend that you see a psychologist to understand your mindset on your attraction to your ex-lover who does not respect you. You need to set your mind straight in a positive direction to have a life that you can thrive on.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Ok Emma, first of all, what exactly did you tell your husband? Did you tell him exactly what your ex has said? And more importantly, how you feel about your ex (all that [email protected] about his eyes etc)? I don't think you did.


Secondly, you say your ex can get sex with any woman - not true - only the ones with loose morals and that are easy! Why is he back you ask - because he wants easy sex with you. He doesn't like the fact that you weren't there available for him now that your husband is in the picture - so he senses that he can destroy your marriage because that is the vibe you give off. He is a worthless piece of sh!t and you need to see him for what he is because if you look inside, you will find something truly ugly.


What do you need to do about your ex ? Tell him to fvck off in as public and vocal a way as possible. In fact tell him in front of your husband. When I asked who would win I was asking if you thought your husband would stand up to this guy and tell him to fvck off and if the POS would fight your husband for you? And more importantly, who would you want to win?


With regard to your husband, it is obvious he was blindsided by your session with the [email protected] and you need to reassure him and build your relationship up back again. Else set him free in a nice amicable divorce and then move on to Mr. Sh!t For Brains.


What is the matter with you? You either want your marriage or not? Make no mistake there is no future with the POSOM and right now you are in an emotional affair (read what I said at the start about telling your husband everything). You need to break out of the EA and then decide about your marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma,

You said that your ex could have sex with any woman he wanted. So you asked why he would be back brothering you when he could have anyone.

Like I said earlier, no, he cannot have sex with any woman he wanted. Most women would not want sex with him. Most women are careful who they have sex with. 

Keep in mind that you were not the first or last woman he had sex with. Now why did he come ask you? My bet is that all those other women told him no... they are done with him. They found that he has sex and then disappears. Then he returns and tries to destroy your life so that he can use them again. 

You just might be the last woman he's left who he's trying.


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Write that letter I talked about to tell your ex to stay the hell away from you. Add an angry tone to it.
> 
> Then take the letter and tell your husband that you read that giving a no contact letter to the person is a good idea. That way if he contacts you again you can call the police on him and show the police a copy of the letter.
> 
> Tell your husband that you want him to be with you when you mail it to the ex because you want your husband to know your commitment to him.. your husband.


My ex showed up again while my husband was out and he claimed we need to get together. I refused but he wasnt bothered to listen. 
He said he can us divorced in just a few minutes and he is back just to get me and isnt going anywhere without me. 
He even said he will speak to my husband personallly if needed. 

My husband on the other hand has stopped talking to me completely.
Whatever I say, he just listens and leaves. 

I dont know why he is acting like this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> Ok Emma, first of all, what exactly did you tell your husband? Did you tell him exactly what your ex has said? And more importantly, how you feel about your ex (all that [email protected] about his eyes etc)? I don't think you did.
> 
> 
> Secondly, you say your ex can get sex with any woman - not true - only the ones with loose morals and that are easy! Why is he back you ask - because he wants easy sex with you. He doesn't like the fact that you weren't there available for him now that your husband is in the picture - so he senses that he can destroy your marriage because that is the vibe you give off. He is a worthless piece of sh!t and you need to see him for what he is because if you look inside, you will find something truly ugly.
> ...


I told him whatever my ex said but there was no reaction from him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma24 said:


> My ex showed up again while my husband was out and he claimed we need to get together. I refused but he wasnt bothered to listen.


Why did you even open the door to talk to him?

If he did not listen, you could have called the police and say that he is harassing you.



Emma24 said:


> He said he can us divorced in just a few minutes and he is back just to get me and isnt going anywhere without me.


How could he get you divorced in a few minutes?



Emma24 said:


> He even said he will speak to my husband personallly if needed.


How long did you talk to him? Did you let him in your house to talk to him?



Emma24 said:


> My husband on the other hand has stopped talking to me completely.
> 
> Whatever I say, he just listens and leaves.
> 
> I dont know why he is acting like this!


You know how your husband acted a few months ago about the pictures. This put him right back there. Only this is even worse because now the guy is here and you are talking to him.

Do you think that your marriage is over? Do you think your husband will ever be able to get over this?

Isn't it very hard to get a divorce where you live? What are the social ramifications to you if you left your husband? Would your family stand by you?


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Why did you even open the door to talk to him?
> 
> If he did not listen, you could have called the police and say that he is harassing you.
> 
> ...


I dont have a clue about what he meant by "divorce in a few minutes" . 
I felt it was some kind of threat because his tone was full of sarcasm. 

It isnt hard to get a divorce here. Which is what I am worried about. My husband has stop talking to me and I dont know about his next move. My family already dislikes my husband because of his recent behavior.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma24 said:


> I dont have a clue about what he meant by "divorce in a few minutes" .
> I felt it was some kind of threat because his tone was full of sarcasm.
> 
> It isnt hard to get a divorce here. Which is what I am worried about. My husband has stop talking to me and I dont know about his next move. My family already dislikes my husband because of his recent behavior.


So your ex was sarcastic? Wow, he has a lot of nerve. It sounds like your not falling all over him is hurting his ego and he's striking out. My bet is that he will talk to your husband.. if that's his attitude.

What do you want to do now?

Are you even seriously thinking of leaving your husband for the "ex"? Or do you see that there is something very very wrong in what he has done with the photo and the showing up at your house? My take is how dare he try to destroy your marriage.

Do you want to stay married to your husband with the way he has been treating you for months now?

If I were you, I'd forget to ex. Figure out what you want with your marriage. You see how your husband has reacted now. What do you want to do?

Does anyone else know what's going on? Do you have a family member or very close friend who you can trust to talk to?


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> So your ex was sarcastic? Wow, he has a lot of nerve. It sounds like your not falling all over him is hurting his ego and he's striking out. My bet is that he will talk to your husband.. if that's his attitude.
> 
> What do you want to do now?
> 
> ...


In all honesty I am tired of everything. I have faced a lot in the last 4 months and no longer have the stamina to deal with all this anymore.

I dont know what my husband is trying to achieve by starting his silent treatment again. 
And then there is my ex who is hell bent on breaking up my marriage. I am tired of everything. I cant live in this fear each day.

I ve told my sister.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Emma24 said:


> I told him whatever my ex said but there was no reaction from him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, but were you honest about your thoughts regarding this [email protected]?

Does your husband know about your thoughts in that you were tempted? 

Also I am reading comments from other posters here that your husband is very cruel and abusive to you ? I seem to have missed that bit. Is this true? I mean apart from being understandably upset about the pictures/your revelation ?

I don't think that you have been honest with your husband regarding your current lust for the POSOM. 

Think carefully about your marriage before taking the next step. As for your considering the POSOM, I would stay clear and as advised before, tell him to fvck off in as vocal, angry and public a way as possible.


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

OMG, I just remembered why I got kicked off your first thread. I realized that you were a fraud and called you out on it. Let me put this very simply to you. You opened the door. After everyone told you who this man is, what this man wants, and what he will do to you and your marriage, you still opened the door. You have been told that you are not precious to him, and that you are just easy to him. You were told not to care about the whys and what he has to say, yet you still opened the door to him. You're either incredibly idiotic, or, quite possibly, you want this to happen. You are looking for any reason possible to justify seeing this guy. The verdict has been unanimous on the situation, but you still opened the door!

Do you want to know why your husband is not talking too you????
It's because he knows that he has lost his wife. You told him what BE said, which means that you listened to him. Your husband would like to think that you would have no reason to listen to anything that BE has to say. Also, you have not reassured him in any way. He can't process what's happening to him right now. His head is fcuked because you are showing no signs of dedication too him, and trust me, he is looking very hard right now.

You have done on Ele's post what you did to my post in your previous thread. You only answer the questions that you want to answer and avoid that ones that show your real intentions. Like, "why did you open the door"!

The thing you need to know is that he has an accomplice in all this. Probably one of yours or his friends. Who took the photo??? Who is telling him when your husband is away on work business. How does he know when to come over to avoid your husband? You are being spied on, or you are telling him. 

I already knew this post was coming, here is my next prediction. Oh great ball of crystal, show me the future concerning Emma and her soon to be new lover BE. Ok, here is what the crystal ball said. BE is going to get the same guy he used to take the photos of you at the airport to record his meetings with you at your house. In fact, he has already done so. When he gets the right photo, maybe he will hold your hand and look lovingly into your eyes, or maybe he will go in for the lip smacker. Then back to his old trick, send the photo to dear husband. This time, husband will know that the photo is recent. Then poof, no more husband. Another reason to not open the fing door!

Crystal ball also said that you are going to totally disregard this post and find a way to see BE. Because deep down, you want to feel special. Here is another idea I just came up with. Go and live with a family member for a little while. One that goes out for a couple of hours at a time. Stay around the house by your self. See who comes knocking. I bet you BE will find you.

You deserve to be happy Emma, BE truly makes you happy, you can't let him go, so go with him. If you truly love your husband like you say you do, you would also want him to be happy, right? Let him go. Let him find a wife who will love him and make him feel safe and put him first. You are you husbands first choice, but he is your second. You are BE's last cho.... ops I meant first choice. Its a no brainer.
:scratchhead:


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I can answer why your husband is not talking about this issue or acknowledging what you say.....he is worn out, he has decided the fights not worth fighting, he has decided talking reasonably with you doesn't work, trying to father you doesn't work, expecting maturity from you just disappoints. Being married to someone who isn't committed to the partnership, who isn't sensible enough to know right from wrong, who you can never fully trust......is just exhausting! I've been there and done that! Your husband probably lives his days wondering what new drama is going to happen with Emma today, and you never fail to prove him wrong.

So now he is just too damn tired to even acknowledge the chaos any longer, it's a waste of his energy. Please do him a favor, let the guy have some peace in his life, file for divorce, pack your bags and go to lover boys house. I will bet you a fistful of dollars your husband won't be surprised, he knows what's coming and just wants it to be over.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I'm starting to think this story isn't even true since you keep saying things like, "I don't know why he is doing that!" 

But, if it is true, how did this man know to just "show up" when your husband was out? Is he lurking around your home? If so, why haven't you called the police?


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

Gonecrazy said:


> OMG, I just remembered why I got kicked off your first thread. I realized that you were a fraud and called you out on it. Let me put this very simply to you. You opened the door. After everyone told you who this man is, what this man wants, and what he will do to you and your marriage, you still opened the door. You have been told that you are not precious to him, and that you are just easy to him. You were told not to care about the whys and what he has to say, yet you still opened the door to him. You're either incredibly idiotic, or, quite possibly, you want this to happen. You are looking for any reason possible to justify seeing this guy. The verdict has been unanimous on the situation, but you still opened the door!
> 
> Do you want to know why your husband is not talking too you????
> It's because he knows that he has lost his wife. You told him what BE said, which means that you listened to him. Your husband would like to think that you would have no reason to listen to anything that BE has to say. Also, you have not reassured him in any way. He can't process what's happening to him right now. His head is fcuked because you are showing no signs of dedication too him, and trust me, he is looking very hard right now.
> ...


All you know is how to judge right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

Cooper said:


> I can answer why your husband is not talking about this issue or acknowledging what you say.....he is worn out, he has decided the fights not worth fighting, he has decided talking reasonably with you doesn't work, trying to father you doesn't work, expecting maturity from you just disappoints. Being married to someone who isn't committed to the partnership, who isn't sensible enough to know right from wrong, who you can never fully trust......is just exhausting! I've been there and done that! Your husband probably lives his days wondering what new drama is going to happen with Emma today, and you never fail to prove him wrong.
> 
> So now he is just too damn tired to even acknowledge the chaos any longer, it's a waste of his energy. Please do him a favor, let the guy have some peace in his life, file for divorce, pack your bags and go to lover boys house. I will bet you a fistful of dollars your husband won't be surprised, he knows what's coming and just wants it to be over.


I had a fling before I started dating my husband. There wasnt anything to feel so bad about. Lots of people have relationships or flings before they marry someone. My husband made an issue out of this.

First read my older post then comment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I'm starting to think this story isn't even true since you keep saying things like, "I don't know why he is doing that!"
> 
> But, if it is true, how did this man know to just "show up" when your husband was out? Is he lurking around your home? If so, why haven't you called the police?


How am I supposed to know why hes doing it? And he hasnt harmed me physically or vandalized anything so how can I call the police?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> Yes, but were you honest about your thoughts regarding this [email protected]?
> 
> Does your husband know about your thoughts in that you were tempted?
> 
> ...


He stopped being nice to me the moment he found out about my past. And he hasnt been the same ever since. 

I havent told him about my feelings towards the ex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Put yourself in your H's shoes.

You are cheating on him. You do not have proper boundaries.

You made vows to him.

Tell your family how badly you have treated your H.

How would you feel if your H was spending so much time, and all his dreams on someone else?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Emma24 said:


> How am I supposed to know why hes doing it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because you are a grown-up with a brain, Emma.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

harrybrown said:


> Put yourself in your H's shoes.
> 
> You are cheating on him. You do not have proper boundaries.
> 
> ...


Keep in mind that her husband started acting this way months ago. He's upset that she had a sexual relationship with another man BEFORE she even started to date her husband.

She was pregnant and lost her baby a few weeks ago.. with little to no emotional support from her husband. 

After months of her husband acting like this. Emma is not sure that she even has a marriage. Then this creepy ex shows up out of nowhere.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma24 said:


> How am I supposed to know why hes doing it? And he hasnt harmed me physically or vandalized anything so how can I call the police?


I understand what you mean here. There are several different reasons I could come up with why BE is doing what he's doing.

All of them have some basic elements. 1) BE is self centered and will destroy anyone to get what he wants. 2) He does not care about you because he's fine with destroying your marriage without asking you want you want. (This means that he's a sociopath.) 

The above is all you need to know. He is trying to destroy your marriage. There is nothing good about what he is doing... nothing. When he's done with you, he will destroy you.

I agree with the person who said that he's spying on you. There is a reason that he's showing up when your husband is not there. Someone is watching you and reporting back to him. That means that he's a seriously, dangerously controlling person.

So it does not matter why he's doing what he's doing. What should matter is the damage he's causing to your life.

Stop talking to him. If he shows up, tell him to leave you alone and close the door in his face. If he keeps bothering you, call the police. You asked why you should call the police if he is not hurting you physically? You call the police because he's stalking you. People who stalk others are dangerous people. You never know what this guy will do. He's a sociopath and will do whatever he feels he has to and that includes hurting you.

At this point, you would benefit from betting a VAR (voice activated recorder) so that you have recorded evidence that you told him to get away from you and leave you alone. Have it on you at all times.

Why aren't you afraid of a man who will chose, on his own to hurt you?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You seem either developmentally disabled, so damaged emotionally that your cognitive abilities are hampered, a 13 year old or not a U.S. resident.

If anything but the last two, seek counseling.

Your husband is not willing or capable of helping you.

Captain fling needs ejected from your life with zeal.

First and foremost, you need help to become stronger and healthier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> You seem either developmentally disabled, so damaged emotionally that your cognitive abilities are hampered, a 13 year old or not a U.S. resident.
> 
> If anything but the last two, seek counseling.
> 
> ...


Emma does not live in the USA.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Cooper said:


> I didn't read all of the post.....but after just a few post I saw a woman (Emma) who is unhappy with her marriage and thinks her ex (do you even consider him an ex after nothing but 10 days of sex?) is going to re spark her life. After reading a handful of other post I don't believe Emma wants to be married, I think she is going to cheat regardless of the consequences. Heck she may cheat because of the consequences, ie; a reason to end her marriage. I also don't believe this guy magically appeared at her door, he knows she is married, he wasn't going to show up and take a chance her husband was home, there was some prior contact. My guess is the guy used the line "your husband left you home alone on your birthday? What an ass, I'll come make you happy"
> 
> Emma you are not emotionally committed to your marriage, that much is obvious. You are delusional if you think a ten day sex romp three years ago gives you and this guy enough of a connection to live happily ever after. This guy had great sex with you, and that's all he wants, more great sex. He knows you are married so that makes you safe commitment wise in his eyes, you're nothing more than a sperm dump to him.
> 
> Bottom line is you are not acting like a married woman, do your husband a favor and get a divorce, let him find a woman he can trust, and maybe you will even find someone you will happily commit to and not be tempted to cheat on.


Any man in this awful situation should just LET HER GO... why fight for being 2nd best... if that's the sort of man she wants.. have at it.. I feel bad for the husband ... just anther sad story of a woman being memorized & drops her panties for a playboy who's probably bed more women than she knows.. oh he now has a "revelation" a change of heart ... I wouldn't count on that TO LAST... 

But who knows ! If she can't get him out of her system.. she needs to give it a ride, life is short after all.... due her husband a favor .. as he shouldn't be living in another man's shadow, while they make love her mind being on another.. this is just NEVER OK... 

Set him free..so he can find someone who truly wants him for who he is.. loves him for all he has to offer and wants to be married/ committed. 

She should have slapped him across the face when he showed disrespect to her man.. that speaks it all for me....the husband deserves better.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Emma does not live in the USA.


That helps understanding. Emma, do you have any sources to obtain help in the form of counseling?

Getting rid of your ex might be as simple as humiliating him publicly.

Letting it be known that he is so pathetic that he has to harass a married woman while her husband is away.

Where do you live?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Emma24 said:


> He stopped being nice to me the moment he found out about my past. And he hasnt been the same ever since.
> 
> I havent told him about my feelings towards the ex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"Stopped being nice" is quite a bit different from abusive and harming to you. He stopped being nice because you had quite an intense fling with somebody he knew and he didn't know anything about it and on top of that, it was a highly sexual but short escapade. He then finds out by receiving pictures. Of course he is not going to be nice.

I am also sorry that you lost the baby and maybe that is why your husband hasn't gone completely off the rails with you. He should however, treat that separately and offer you support for the loss of the baby (but remember that it was his loss too).

I don't fully understand some of your comments which EleGirl is responding to - are you saying you feel you cannot tell the ex to fvck off ??? Or are you saying that you are not willing to because you are considering him as an option ???


Your husband needs to know the truth for both of your sakes - only then can you jointly make a decision as to whether this is worth continuing. Do you mind telling us which part of the world you are in as that may colour your decision to come clean or not (even though it shouldn't).


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

If your H and your ex were in the same circle with you before you got married, then they know one another? Does the ex have an ax to grind with your H?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Your ex is trying to destroy your marriage, so you will go to him. He is a terrible person. He may have just destroyed your marriage. You should be angry, not confused.
Tell the man to leave you the hell alone and to never come back. You do not have to explain anything to him. He is trying to force you to come to him. That is an abusive man.
Your husband is no great catch either. His attitude and behavior towards you is wrong. He is not trying to work with you and he doesn’t seem to have your best interests at heart. He uses the silent treatment and treats you badly while you are trying to make things work with him.
Learn to set some boundaries. Let your husband know that you love him and want to work things out with him, but that is not going to happen if he continues to treat you badly. Also let him know that you are not going with the ex-lover no matter what, because he is not what you want.
You do not need a man who doesn’t value you. Men who want to control you and wreck your marriage or who give you silent treatment instead of trying to work things out with you are not healthy men and the relationships are not healthy either.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Emma24 said:


> Please share your advice with me since I am here. He does not know anything about my ex's return and I cant tell him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you are having sex with another man - then you aren't really in love with your husband.
You are a cheater.

Yes, of course you owe it to him to tell him the truth.

If you EVER loved your husband, tell him the truth.

Meh - even if you never really loved him - tell him the truth.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Emma24 said:


> He does not know anything about my ex's return and I cant tell him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> I don't fully understand some of your comments which EleGirl is responding to - are you saying you feel you cannot tell the ex to fvck off ??? Or are you saying that you are not willing to because you are considering him as an option ???


Yes, this. Please answer these questions, Emma.


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## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

My advice to you: divorce your husband and cut contact with your ex. Your ex is a predator and your husband is a passive aggressive emotionally stunted teenager. The silent treatment is a load of crap and isn't constructive, it's abusive.

Leave them both and be single for a while. It's not so bad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unique Username said:


> If you are having sex with another man - then you aren't really in love with your husband.
> You are a cheater.
> 
> Yes, of course you owe it to him to tell him the truth.
> ...


She has already told her husband... a few pages back.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Emma24 said:


> My ex showed up again while my husband was out and he claimed we need to get together. I refused but he wasnt bothered to listen.


He just "happened" to show up AGAIN while your husband was out? Wow, he has impeccable timing. Or he was hiding in the bushes waiting for hubs to leave.

This whole story isn't even believable. Neither was the mysterious photo. No one behaves this way. Not the boyfriend, not the husband, and certainly not the OP.

I'm out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Emma24 said:


> He stopped being nice to me the moment he found out about my past. And he hasnt been the same ever since.
> 
> I havent told him about my feelings towards the ex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sure you did. The ex mysteriously shows up PRECISELY on your Birthday, when your husband was traveling and you go have a sexually charged conversation. I wouldn't be surprised, as we have threads where this has happened, if your husband left to catch you in a lie. For all you know he didn't travel or had a PI watching you. Heck, sounds like he is doing the 180 so, I wouldn't be surprised if he is reading TAM or another marriage website. 

I will say, at least you confirmed everything that was bickered about when your original thread went gender sideways.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Emma24 said:


> I had a fling before I started dating my husband. There wasnt anything to feel so bad about. Lots of people have relationships or flings before they marry someone. My husband made an issue out of this.
> 
> First read my older post then comment.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Emma you are correct that your husband made an issue out of something pre marriage that was really none of his business. BUT...how the heck would you feel if out of the blue you got provocative pictures of your husband and some ex lover (who happened to be in your friend circle). Wouldn't that send up an entire field of red flags? Wouldn't that shake you up and make you suspicious? Still though, in a healthy marriage that kind of thing can be talked thru.

The way you are acting right now is the bigger problem. Here's the thing, people have or consider having affairs because there is an emotional void in their life, it makes them feel good to be wanted, but that feeling is short lived. You are having a rough time emotionally, maybe it's because of your marriage and your husband, maybe because of the loss of the baby, probably both. It's easy to see why this guy swooping in and showering you with promises and praise confuses your logic and common sense, and he knows this and that's exactly why he is doing it. Having an affair or even playing around with another man will not fill that void, all that will happen is you will feel worthless and cheap, even if you don't feel bad for cheating on your husband you will feel ashamed of yourself, so in the end you will end up feeling worse than you do now. How could it turn out otherwise?

If your marriage isn't fixable or you just don't want to be married any longer then divorce, if you're still healing from the miscarriage get some help. But please for your own sake do not start an affair with this ex lover until you are free and emotionally healthy, and honestly you should write the weasel out of your life even then.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Cooper said:


> Still though, in a healthy marriage that kind of thing can be talked thru.


Depends. Many people felt her lust, through her words, for this guy. Quite a few believe she expressed this to her husband or he picked up on it in her various explanations. Many people were taken to task for not believing her protestations and claims of no feelings for this guy. Heck, IIRC, there were some bans over her original thread. Even a healthy marriage can wither, under the lust for another.

Here's what I found interesting.
Then:


Emma24 said:


> *I dont have any desires for that guy.* I just wrote what I used to feel about him, honestly.
> *
> Just because I wrote it does not mean I still have feelings for him.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Emma24 said:


> *I admit I was madly attracted to him.*
> I don't know what he had in him *but it was really intense.*
> 
> But now I care less about him.
> ...


Now:


Emma24 said:


> My ex with whom I had a week long sexual affair decided to return and the first thing he wanted to do was kiss me.
> 
> I wont lie I lost half of my self control on seeing him again. *I could never get over his eyes and I just realized this now when I was literally hypnotized by him on just seeing him. *
> 
> ...


Yes, the loss of your first child is terrible. I do not know how that feels and I would never try to minimize your grief. I'm telling you this, your husband is grieving as well and this has made it worse. You guys need to go see a neutral party, talk things through and decide if you want to stay married.


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Yes, this. Please answer these questions, Emma.


My husband isnt talking to me anymore. Our marriage hit the rocks ever since something which didnt concern my husband, affected him.
I lost my first child yet there wasnt much improvement in his attitude.

My ex keeps saying he wants me back now. I ll admit I feel tempted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Emma24 said:


> My husband isnt talking to me anymore. Our marriage hit the rocks ever since something which didnt concern my husband, affected him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can you explain what this "something" is, that caused your marriage to "hit the rocks". I will speculate that this "something" is the 10 day sexual tryst that you had with your ex-lover who you are considering of having an affair again.

You have not stated if you have gotten counselling as a married couple to work on your marriage nor have seen a psychologist individually. Have you taken steps to professionally get assistance to address the issues of your marriage?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Emma24 said:


> My husband isnt talking to me anymore. Our marriage hit the rocks ever since something which didnt concern my husband, affected him.
> I lost my first child yet there wasnt much improvement in his attitude.
> 
> My ex keeps saying he wants me back now. I ll admit I feel tempted.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So why are you posting? What exactly is it that you're looking for here?


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

I think your husband knows you better then you know yourself. I am sorry for your miscarriage. How would you feel if the entire time you knew eveytime he held you, talk about the baby he wished it was Mrs Fabtasy ? He s in mourning for the death of his wife and marriage and all you think about is Mr fantasy.

The question is not that he isn't fighting for you, it is YOU ARE NOT FIGHTING FOR HIM AND YOUR MARRIAGE. He has given up because of your actions. He knows the posm, he knows you and your actions. You are in a fog. 

Bandit, what makes you think the husband is doing more then the 180?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Emma... your whole story is a crock.

No rational person would behave this way. NONE of the players... YOU, your husband, your "ex"...

Are we now to believe that the "pictures" that were taken of you at the airport were taken by the OM (ex-boyfriend Lothario -- 10 days of intense sex!!??)

Did he have one of those "selfie-sticks", or did he HIRE someone to take them?? C'mon!!! For realz??

Patience is wearing very thin on this nutty thread.

Folks, I for one think we have been taken for a bumpy ride.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Roselyn said:


> Can you explain what this "something" is, that caused your marriage to "hit the rocks". I will speculate that this "something" is the 10 day sexual tryst that you had with your ex-lover who you are considering of having an affair again.
> 
> You have not stated if you have gotten counselling as a married couple to work on your marriage nor have seen a psychologist individually. Have you taken steps to professionally get assistance to address the issues of your marriage?


Emma,

Are there marriage counselors where you live? What kind of professional assistance is available to married couples there?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma,

I get that your marriage has not been a good since someone (ex?) sent a picture from a few years ago of you kissing BE goodbye at the airport. I get even more that your are torn up about losing your baby. It would not be unusual at all for you to be wanting to run away from your life right now. When I lost my twins, I definitely wanted to run away to a new life. On the one hand, it seems like a very good way to get away from the pain. But on the other hand I knew that that the pain was in my head so it would be going with me no matter how fast and far I ran away.

On top of that, you have no control over the way your mind and body responded to BE when you opened the door and he was un expectantly there. But we humans have an ability that other animals on this earth do not have.. we can step back and evaluate our reaction and decide how to handle it. We are not slaves to our emotions.... at least mature adults are not.

People here are having a strong reaction to the way you describe your reaction to seeing BE. Why? Because the way you described it sounds like an immature teenager. To me, I don't care really what your reaction was when you unexpectantly saw him. What I care about is how you decide to act/react. That's the measure of who you are.

I really do not think that this is a contest between your husband and BE. This is your life and you have control over what you do. When something seems like it's a contest between two men, the healthiest thing that a woman can do it to walk away from both. You husband is not willing to accept you fully once he saw a photo that was taken before the two of you even started to date. He had sexual relationships before he married. So he's a hypocrite for treating you the way he has been treating you for months now. 

So what are you going to do? What does your sister who you told about all of this think you should do now?

I know that you live half the world away from me and you will not be back here until what is tonight where I live... so it will be a while before you will even read this.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Roselyn said:


> Can you explain what this "something" is, that caused your marriage to "hit the rocks". I will speculate that this "something" is the 10 day sexual tryst that you had with your ex-lover who you are considering of having an affair again.


She did not have an affair. 
She was involved with this guy before she was dating her husband. She never told her husband about this man until some photos arrived at their home. The photos were of her kissing her lover at the airport, when he was leaving.

Everyone is tempted to do foolish things. That doesn't mean you have to follow through on it. The man may be good in bed, but he is a heartless man who could doesn't care about marriage and does not hold it in high esteem. He does not care about commitment and love. He only cares about his feelings and what he can get to make him feel good. You are a prize to him. He does not truly care about you or he wouldn't be trying to destroy your marriage. You will be a fool if you have anything to do with him.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Hi happy as a clam,

Yea, except there are three long term members and posters who seem to take her seriously and may have inside info. So my gut says she may be real, but story minified to protect the innocent.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> She did not have an affair.
> She was involved with this guy before she was dating her husband. She never told her husband about this man until some photos arrived at their home. The photos were of her kissing her lover at the airport, when he was leaving.


CynthiaDe: An affair is described by Wikipedia as an "affair of the heart, may refer to sexual liaisons among unwed or wedded parties". OP's intense sexual engagement with her lover was the highlight in her life. Her sexual liaison with her former lover is the reason her husband is alienating Emma. Her ex-lover was a friend of her husband. Her husband did not know of her connection with this friend and she did not tell him about their relationship. Her husband must have known about her (without knowing her identity) from his friend who turned out to be his wife's former lover.

Emma is entertaining the idea of resuming her relationship with her ex-lover before getting divorced.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

CynthiaDe and elegirl, what if the husband is doing the 180? Some men are sensitive enough to pick up on their wive's emotional state. In my thoughts I keep returning to her first thread. She talk about how they would passionately neck, but he did not push for sex. Why? Could he had been mature enough to know great sex and great marriages don't always go hand in hand? Could it be he thought his actions were actually laying the foundation for a great marriage? What if he knew who and what this guy is, and what type of women fall for him? What if he now realizes his wife is one of them? What is all he sees are words, but no actions? 

I believe the first thing a BS needs to see is the hatred of the BS towards the AP. All Emmna24 words and actions I have seen are that of a person in an EA and in the fog. 

How am I wrong? What am I missing? From her all I hear isa ritualistic "I love my husband, everything was great until ..." this has effected me...". Emmna24 what about his pain and grief? The hard part in marriage dealing with the feelings of the SO without sacrificing your core values. 

At this point to you need to read about true remorse, even if you have not done anything wrong, and consider my comment dealing with the feelings of the SO.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Postscript to my question to elegirl, and CynThiaDe,

I recent read Calvin and Cantsitstill joint thread. Emmna24 posts "echo" their's in some ways. Right now she seems to be a girl with a history of having a thing for a bad boy.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Calling her week with her former lover an affair causes confusion because people think it means she cheated on her husband. That is how it is understood on TAM and seldom is "an affair" used to describe two unmarried people in a sexual relationship.

I don't think he's doing the 180, because she has tried to work things out with her husband and he refuses to work with her. That is part of why she is so confused by all of this. Her husband is ignoring her and treating her with contempt, then a former lover turns up and he is acting super interested in her and won't take no for an answer. The 180 is only helpful if a person wants out of the relationship and is preparing for it or if he has already tried to work things out, but was met with contempt or a lack of concern for the relationship. 

Even fake scenarios can help other people who have similarities in their lives, so I don't really care if a thread is fake or not, if it can be of help to others. I won't comment on whether I think this is fake or not, because I would prefer not to get banned.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Emma24 said:


> My husband on the other hand has stopped talking to me completely.
> Whatever I say, he just listens and leaves.
> 
> I dont know why he is acting like this!


 It is what you did not say to your EX that has your husband upset. If you told your husband that you told the EX that you had absolutely no intention of leaving your husband for him, and that you want your EX to go pound sand and leave you alone, your husband would not be upset, but you did no such thing now did you? The fact is you love it that the EX is coming over and fighting for you, and you are not shutting it down the way a woman that understands what it means to be married should. Right now your husband is realizing that you are not good wife material. If you want to save your marriage, shut the EX down hard and make it clear that you do not want to ever hear from him again. If not continue as you are.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

TRy said:


> It is what you did not say to your EX that has your husband upset. If you told your husband that you told the EX that you had absolutely no intention of leaving your husband for him, and that you want your EX to go pound sand and leave you alone, your husband would not be upset, but you did no such thing now did you? The fact is you love it that the EX is coming over and fighting for you, and you are not shutting it down the way a woman that understands what it means to be married should. Right now your husband is realizing that you are not good wife material. If you want to save your marriage, shut the EX down hard and make it clear that you do not want to ever hear from him again. If not continue as you are.


See, I disagree. Even if she shut him down hard he'd be upset and not a hypocrite. The timing is awful, even if we believe she didn't inform him of the trip and birthday. Short of shooting him in the face or calling the police, she was going to look bad. Then she waited to tell him, which I understand after her treatment, until it become unbearable. Sorry, IMO, the mind movies are terrible right now and he may be done. Heck, lets go further. This dude purposely tried to ruin her marriage, nearly did and she is still attracted to her ex and torn. Yeah, how her body reacts is one thing, but to be emotionally confused and not showing anger for what may be a destroyed marriage is another.

This is one of the few times I wish I would have posted early. Yes, to the consternation of many posters, I would have recommended not saying anything. First time I have felt this way in a thread.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

JohnA said:


> Hi happy as a clam,
> 
> Yea, except *there are three long term members and posters who seem to take her seriously* and may have inside info. So my gut says she may be real, but story minified to protect the innocent.


THREE?? Out of the hundreds of REGULAR posters??

:rofl:

I've been here for quite awhile. "Officially" since early 2014. Lurking for a year and a half before that. I would say I'm pretty wise to the ways...


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

I remember your last post. 


How many people told you you were still into this guy? How many times did you emphatically deny it?

IF this is real, you were warned but you wouldn't listen.

On the other hand, if it's not, good job waiting so long to come back and continue the troll!


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Happy as a claim. 

Talk About Marriage - View Profile: happy as a clam impressive list of friends, care to add any info ?

JohnA

Talk About Marriage - View Profile: JohnA can't spell or proof read to save his life. Member since JULY this YEAR. Here is my thing HAC, I listen and hear. Blinded by exWW because I stopped hearing, because I just stopped caring. 

There are three postets here who's comments do not jive with what I have read what they said in the past. When a person, who I am growing to respects, says something SOMEWHAT out of the norm, I wonder what they are seeing what I don't.

Extreme example: I have read perhaps a dozen of your posts. What would you expect me to think if suddenly you told Emmna24. Look go for it with ex, don't tell hubby, keep him on the sideline just in case. you know sometimes an A can do a gal and her hubby good.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

JohnA said:


> I believe the first thing a BS needs to see is the hatred of the BS towards the AP. All Emmna24 words and actions I have seen are that of a person in an EA and in the fog.
> 
> How am I wrong? What am I missing? From her all I hear isa ritualistic "I love my husband, everything was great until ..." this has effected me...". Emmna24 what about his pain and grief? The hard part in marriage dealing with the feelings of the SO without sacrificing your core values.


What you and others are missing is that there is no betrayed spouse here. (or there wasn't before the ex-lover came looking for her) Her tryst with the man who is pursuing her happened before she dated her husband. 


Here is a link to the original thread. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/257650-husband-distressed-my-past.html


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

No, she didn't cheat on her husband. 

What many people were saying was that her husband felt like a second choice. The way she wrote about Brown Eyes was "poetry" the way she wrote about her husband was "accounting". Many of us felt that her husband also picked up on this and combined with knowing she had a no strings, week long, sexual romp with Brown Eyes put 2 and 2 together and knew he was not the man her heart longed for. 

She denied it to the end. Said she wasn't interested in Brown Eyes anymore. Said she had no feelings for him. Said she was not writing praisingly of Brown Eyes and clinically of her husband.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Good afternoon CynthiaDe,

ok per legalese: Ex boyfriend she never got over. Not an adulteress 10 day sexual romp, but a brief an inflamed passionate romantic affair with the one true love never to be forgotten and always longed for. 

She does not owe him an apology for that. She does owe him an apology for marring him while wanting someone else.

Yes I am tempory blind in one eye, and the other some what betteri, but I don't need 300 point, multi color fonts to read,
I have read her first thread. Did you notice I referenced how must she liked he didn't push for sex. That he really wanted to know her first, how passionate their necking was, but he always pulled back? Did you read my post where I told HAC I thought the poster was real, but there was more to the story.

I asked a honest question and did not deserve the flame back I got from you, just as you don't deserve the tone of this post.

Peace ??


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

You are accusing people of having hidden information and using the term affair, after repeated corrections. Of course, some people will become irritated.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> See, I disagree. Even if she shut him down hard he'd be upset and not a hypocrite. The timing is awful, even if we believe she didn't inform him of the trip and birthday. Short of shooting him in the face or calling the police, she was going to look bad.


 I do not understand why you disagree with her shutting the EX down hard. Who cares if she makes the EX upset, or that it may make her "look bad" to the EX. She is married, so it is OK for her to show that she is loyal to her husband even if it makes the EX mad. In fact it is expected of a spouse. That is what married people are suppose to do. Once you are married, the spouse should no longer have to compete with other men for his wife; that is what you are saying when you say "I do". I usually agree with you, so I am very surprised by your post.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

TRy said:


> I do not understand why you disagree with her shutting the EX down hard. .


I didn't nor do I disagree with this, but this isn't exactly what you wrote.



> It is what you did not say to your EX that has your husband *upset.* If you told your husband that you told the EX that you had absolutely no intention of leaving your husband for him, and that you want your EX to go pound sand and leave you alone,* your husband would not be upset,* but you did no such thing now did you?


 I disagreed with this conclusion, no where did I say a spouse shouldn't shut a skirt chaser down hard. I even said as much here:


> Even if *she shut him down hard he'd be upset *and not a hypocrite. The timing is awful, even if we believe she didn't inform him of the trip and birthday. Short of shooting him in the face or calling the police, she was going to look bad. Then she waited to tell him, which I understand after her treatment, until it become unbearable.


If it is still unclear, I am saying she was in a no win scenario short of killing dude or reporting him to the police. He was going to be upset regardless of her actions hard or soft. He came by when her husband was gone and on her birthday. In her other thread, she claims she KNEW he wouldn't marry her because of this guy. Also, she waited to tell him. He is already in a distrustful state because of the pictures and he wouldn't believe her anyway IMO.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

JohnA said:


> Yes I am tempory blind in one eye, and the other some what betteri, but I don't need 300 point, multi color fonts to read,
> I have read her first thread.


I made it that way so that people would notice it, as it seems to be a point of confusion. The large, bold text was not directed at you. I do not assume that people always read my posts and thought it would be helpful for others to see that particular piece of information. 



JohnA said:


> Did you notice I referenced how must she liked he didn't push for sex. That he really wanted to know her first, how passionate their necking was, but he always pulled back? Did you read my post where I told HAC I thought the poster was real, but there was more to the story.
> 
> I asked a honest question and did not deserve the flame back I got from you, just as you don't deserve the tone of this post.
> 
> Peace ??


I am not, nor was I upset with you, John.
I'm trying not to get too in depth or analytical in this thread, so I may not answer every question directed at me. I just unsubbed from a couple of threads to decrease my time spent on TAM. It's nothing personal. It's just that my time is limited.
Also, I'm not going to get into whether or not the poster is for real or if this is a troll. It's against TOS and I don't want to get banned.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Good evening Philly.

I must be having a real bad day and expressing myself poorly to boot

Frist I did not accuse anyone of hideing anything. I suggested that based on some comments, I think there might be more to this story then there appears. I did not specify who's comments, I did not on this thread or though a PM ask or demand if someone holding back info. I have growing respect for these individuals, so i assume they have a dam good reason not to share - EVEN IF THERE IS OR IS NOT ANY INFO. My comment to HAC was a friendly, agree with you but maybe....

While CynthiaDE tone to me was wrong, I was wrong in allowing my irritation affect my tone. But my points are spot on.

As to the term both of us are using it incorrectly. If you want to go down that road few if any use the term correctly. She had a non-adulterous affair. If we use a strict use of word we would have to change AP to AAP (adulterous affair partner. 

Can I suggest her thread title should read "really old pre-marriage pre dating my husband, affair partner, who I still have intense feelings for, is trying to break up my marriage to a really nice guy, and the really nice guy is not taking it well and is doing a hard 180 because I didn't figurative slam the door in his face". Fair enough ?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

The relationship she had with the ex-lover was not adulterous. No one was married at the time.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I didn't nor do I disagree with this, but this isn't exactly what you wrote.
> 
> I disagreed with this conclusion, no where did I say a spouse shouldn't shut a skirt chaser down hard. I even said as much here:
> 
> ...


 I misunderstood your earlier post to mean that she should not shut the EX down hard because it would make the EX upset, when in you were actually saying that even if she did shut the EX down hard, the husband would be upset. Other than disagreeing with you in me thinking that it was the right thing to tell her husband, my faith in you is restored LOL.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

JohnA said:


> G
> As to the term both of us are using it incorrectly.


No, I am not and I'm done with this derail.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Emma, what are you doing to help yourself at the meantime? Are you planning to see a psychologist to assist you in understanding yourself? Have you spoken to your husband out of late?

You need to totally ignore your ex-lover and cut out all communications. If your husband won't speak to you, can you communicate to him in writing? You need to concretely state your commitment to him in writing if you wish to stay in your marriage. My best to you.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> Emma, so sorry about the lost of your baby. I can understand that will send you into an emotional tailspin.
> 
> Emma, you must understand what you are thinking of is wrong and you letting that man back into your sphere is going to be the death of your marriage.
> 
> ...


What BrooklynAnn said times 1,000.

Emma, Emma, Emma... The man is seductive because he is a fantasy. You are going through a rough patch in your marriage plus you lost a child. This is a low and painful phase in your life, but it is just that, a phase. 

And along comes an escape from reality. How can that not have a magnetic pull on you? But it's all smoke and mirrors. It's not real. 

Wake up. Mr. Bedroom Eyes does not care about you. If he did, he would not try to ruin your marriage at a time you are vulnerable. You may feel the attraction between the two of you is the most magical, special thing in the world. But it's not. It's just a cheap, tawdry, dirty, sneaky affair that will lose all its shine the minute it sees the light of day - as in if you tried to have a REAL relationship with this man who wants to conquer you today and will tire of you tomorrow.

*You must tell your husband and you must cut off all contact with the ex and certainly never be alone with him without your husband.*

BTW - Were you pining away for this guy 24/7 before he showed up on your birthday? If not, that is why you need to cut off all contact with him so he can't get in your head like this. And telling your husband will bring this into the light of day and he will immediately be less tantalizing to you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> If it is still unclear, I am saying she was in a no win scenario short of killing dude or reporting him to the police. He was going to be upset regardless of her actions hard or soft. He came by when her husband was gone and on her birthday. In her other thread, she claims she KNEW he wouldn't marry her because of this guy. Also, she waited to tell him. He is already in a distrustful state because of the pictures and he wouldn't believe her anyway IMO.


I agree that Emma is in a no-win situation and I think that her marriage is basically over.

It was actually over 4 or so months ago when her husband saw the picture.

With BE showing up, any hope of ever fixing the marriage is long gone. It does not matter what she did... it only matters that BE showed up.

I think that Emma knows this too. She's actually been pretty clear that she knows this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingWife said:


> What BrooklynAnn said times 1,000.
> 
> Emma, Emma, Emma... The man is seductive because he is a fantasy. You are going through a rough patch in your marriage plus you lost a child. This is a low and painful phase in your life, but it is just that, a phase.
> 
> ...


Emma told her husband. His response is that he will not talk to her or acknowledge her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JohnA said:


> CynthiaDe and elegirl, *what if the husband is doing the 180*? Some men are sensitive enough to pick up on their wive's emotional state. In my thoughts I keep returning to her first thread. She talk about how they would passionately neck, but he did not push for sex. Why? Could he had been mature enough to know great sex and great marriages don't always go hand in hand? Could it be he thought his actions were actually laying the foundation for a great marriage? What if he knew who and what this guy is, and what type of women fall for him? What if he now realizes his wife is one of them? What is all he sees are words, but no actions?
> 
> I believe the first thing a BS needs to see is the hatred of the BS towards the AP. All Emmna24 words and actions I have seen are that of a person in an EA and in the fog.
> 
> ...


I don't think that her husband is doing the 180. The goal of the 180 is to protect oneself until the cheating spouse gives up the affair partner or until the BS is ready to file for divorce.

We need to remember that this all started 4 or so months ago. When her husband saw the photo, his reaction was to stop talking to her, to reject her, to call her filthy names, to deny the child as his, to yell at her, etc. While it sounds like some of the anger has subsided since then (until BE showed up), from what she says, there is nothing left between them. The love and connection is gone. Her husband no longer loves her. Its unclear why he's even there.

Then BE shows up. She tells her husband. Instead of her husband seeking to form a team with her against this intruder, he goes to what is basically no-contact with her. 

The 180 is not 'no contact'. It's not about calling Emma, who did not cheat on him, filthy names, emotionally punishing her, etc.

I really think that her marriage is over. I think her husband only stuck around because of the baby and will not be there much longer. 

I think that Emma believes this too.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Roselyn said:


> Emma, what are you doing to help yourself at the meantime? Are you planning to see a psychologist to assist you in understanding yourself? Have you spoken to your husband out of late?
> 
> You need to totally ignore your ex-lover and cut out all communications. If your husband won't speak to you, can you communicate to him in writing? You need to concretely state your commitment to him in writing if you wish to stay in your marriage. My best to you.


Emma, I agree with the above. If you want to try to save your marriage, you will need to give something to your husband in writing. While he will not talk to you, he might read something.

And if you do write it down, you need to think it through very carefully. Some people have given good words to use on this thread.. you need to tell your husband that you love him and want only him. That your BE showing up has freaked you out and you do not want this. You hope that your husband will form a strong team with against this intruder.


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## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

I am served with divorce papers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I feel for you Emma24, that would hurt, but I can't say I think it's a bad thing. Look after yourself.


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

Emma24 said:


> I am served with divorce papers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm truly sorry to hear that Emma. I do believe it is for the best for both of you. If you husband does not feed your soul and fill your emotional tank, then you shouldn't spend the rest of your life with him. How ever hurt you're feeling now, it will be ten times worse if you take any further action with BE.

You are now even more vulnerable than before. BE will tell you how your husband abandoned you in a time of crises, how he wasn't dedicated, ect ect. Please please please, for your own sake, don't open the fing door to this man again!

I hope you get the emotional support that you need right now from your family and I wish you all the best. Good luck and best wishes.

Gonecrazy


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Emma 24, you did NOTHING wrong. Life can teach us cruel lessons. Sometimes right or wrong we have to deal with people close to us in their perception of "reality" not what really is. You attempted to reassure your husband. In the end the fault lies with him. Regardless the pain of your loses does not subside, I know this. All you can do if take these painful lessons and use them to build a better you. Take time to grieve, and start a new thread, "what I learned, how I have grown, what else should I know". 

Emma 24, I took painful lessons from my loss of my college fiancé and built a better me. Although my only marriage failed it was for completely different reasons. You see Emma I made the original change because I swore I would never be hurt again because of them. And I never have been. 

You have experienced great pain twice. First grieve and then do as I did. 

PS and if I had known about and read TAM, perhaps 80 percent chance I would still be married.


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Emma, I agree with the above. If you want to try to save your marriage, you will need to give something to your husband in writing. While he will not talk to you, he might read something.
> 
> And if you do write it down, you need to think it through very carefully. Some people have given good words to use on this thread.. you need to tell your husband that you love him and want only him. That your BE showing up has freaked you out and you do not want this. You hope that your husband will form a strong team with against this intruder.


Why? It doesn't sound like the truth emerging from her two threads. It was very clear she still had strong feelings for her ex from the first post of her first thread and it is clear now she's still more attracted to him than to her husband, she got shaky at her knees as soon as she saw him again.

Frankly, I think her husband is doing the right thing for both of them, his feelings for her have withered, and it is now quite clear she had settled for him, since her true love wasn't available.

And about that, I think either Emma left out something that would have enlightened us from her narrative, or her husband showed real good intuition catching her feelings from the picture incident. 

I don't think that Emma described her fling the way she did in her first post (well, if she did, the truth would have been obvious to hubby), but her husband reaction was that of a man who finds out he was plan B all the time. And her reaction to her ex return show that he was absolutely right.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma24 said:


> I am served with divorce papers.


I'm sorry Emma. But I cannot say that I'm surprised.

I hope that you kick BE to the curb. What he did to your life is not funny. He decided to destroy your marriage without any concern for what you wanted.

You are very vulnerable right now, so be careful.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> The 180 is not 'no contact'. It's not about calling Emma, who did not cheat on him, filthy names, emotionally punishing her, etc.
> 
> I really think that her marriage is over. I think her husband only stuck around because of the baby and will not be there much longer.


I think Emma will be much better off once she's set free from the controlling, self-centered, unrealistic 'husband.'

I watched my happy, healthy DD turn into an insecure, begging, crying shell of a person after dating a controller for only a few months. He wanted her because she was technically a virgin (no PIV action as yet) at age 21 - as abusers/controllers usually want, since they are insecure and can't handle being compared to another man. But when he found out that she had taken a shower with a previous boyfriend and made out in the shower, he called her a **** and a ***** and kicked her out of his apartment. THANK GOD! She came home to us, and the 'abuse fog' faded away and she saw what ridiculous crap he had been putting her through. When he called her up a couple months later and told her he would 'give her another chance,' she laughed at him.

I'm smelling the same kind of small-minded controlling behavior in Emma's husband. How DARE she have sex before she met him?! And not tell him so he could use it to control her?


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

turnera said:


> I think Emma will be much better off once she's set free from the controlling, self-centered, unrealistic 'husband.'


While all the other points might be debatable, I think her husband was far from "unrealistic" given her reaction to her ex's return.

He was much more realistic than her when she insisted in her previous thread that she wasn't interested in her ex anymore.

Frankly, I think they're both much better off without each other.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

turnera said:


> I think Emma will be much better off once she's set free from the controlling, self-centered, unrealistic 'husband.'
> 
> I watched my happy, healthy DD turn into an insecure, begging, crying shell of a person after dating a controller for only a few months. He wanted her because she was technically a virgin (no PIV action as yet) at age 21 - as abusers/controllers usually want, since they are insecure and can't handle being compared to another man. But when he found out that she had taken a shower with a previous boyfriend and made out in the shower, he called her a **** and a ***** and kicked her out of his apartment. THANK GOD! She came home to us, and the 'abuse fog' faded away and she saw what ridiculous crap he had been putting her through. When he called her up a couple months later and told her he would 'give her another chance,' she laughed at him.
> 
> I'm smelling the same kind of small-minded controlling behavior in Emma's husband. How DARE she have sex before she met him?! And not tell him so he could use it to control her?


I partially agree. I don't think they are right for each other because Emma was not even that committed to her husband or nearly as passionate about him as captain fling.

Her husband has extremely poor coping skills and didn't have the ability to deal with her very obvious lust for her ex.

They both need to grow up a little before getting married again.

Sorry about your daughter. Really glad she got away and now has perspective.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm frankly not surprised at her reaction to her ex's return. She ENJOYED being with her ex, and she seems to have had nothing but pain, confusion, and misery with her husband.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ConanHub said:


> Sorry about your daughter. Really glad she got away and now has perspective.


Thanks. It was really surprising because she normally has such high standards and was so safe. She wouldn't even meet this guy for two months until she was sure he was safe. And once they were together, step by step, it was scary to watch.

She now has an amazing guy who meets all her criteria - sense of humor, self-assured, laid back, just a great guy.


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

turnera said:


> I'm frankly not surprised at her reaction to her ex's return. She ENJOYED being with her ex, and she seems to have had nothing but pain, confusion, and misery with her husband.


Well she had a 10 days sex romp with him and that was it. It would be hard not to ENJOY that.

And to give due credit to everyone involved, Emma herself described the situation with her husband before the picture incident as quite lovey-dovey.

I think that her husband somehow knew or maybe guessed from her behavior that she had married him because mr fling wasn't available, and, frankly, I would be upset if I found that my freshly married new bride has married me as a plan B.

That said he handled his new found bad feelings very poorly. But I don't think there's a victim in this story, neither Emma nor her husband are one, IMO.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Emma told her husband. His response is that he will not talk to her or acknowledge her.


Thank you - I thought I had read through the whole thread, but obviously I missed a lot. That definitely changes everything. If she told her husband and he turned on her instead of drawing closer to her, that definitely says something (bad) about her husband and their marriage.

That sucks.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Emma24 said:


> I am served with divorce papers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am so sorry to hear this but it may be for the best in the long run. Hang in there.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I'm sorry to hear this, Emma. Please do not go to the ex. If he cared about you, he would never have done such a thing to you. He is a hateful person behind those sexy eyes.

Edited to add:
Think of a snake and how it charms it victim. That is what the ex is about. He is charming and dangerous. He has already done everything in his power to wreck your marriage.
Your husband does not know how to deal with adversity. It is very difficult to learn this through rejection, but it is better you know it now than when something terrible happens where you really need him, like a fire, flood, illness, etc.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I know some believe he is controlling, abusive, immature and can't deal with adversity. From what you posted, I can't make this leap. To me, it sounds like you crossed some mutually set boundary and he decided no more. There are gaps that keep getting filled with other people's experiences and problems, but you really won't clarify what is theirs and what is yours. His abject escalation makes me wonder what is missing.

Sorry, to hear it went this route.


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> I'm sorry to hear this, Emma. Please do not go to the ex. If he cared about you, he would never have done such a thing to you. He is a hateful person behind those sexy eyes.
> 
> Edited to add:
> Think of a snake and how it charms it victim. That is what the ex is about. He is charming and dangerous. He has already done everything in his power to wreck your marriage.
> Your husband does not know how to deal with adversity. It is very difficult to learn this through rejection, but it is better you know it now than when something terrible happens where you really need him, like a fire, flood, illness, etc.


I didn't really want to post anymore on here since Emma has suffered a double blow and I don't want to kick a person when they are down. Your post CynthisDe, made me screw my face up, so here I am. I do not know to what extent the husband was being abusive, but to imply that he has a lack of character or integrity due to his actions of leaving, I think, is a poor observation. 

Please allow me to justify. As a man I believe that a woman wants to marry a man for one of three reasons (the most common reasons anyway)
1. love
2. pregnancy
3. wealth
He didn't knock her up before the marriage so no 2 is out. Her actions are ruling out number 1. We know that husband was away on work which may imply a high paying career. 

As a man, if I saw my wife pining so hard for another, I would be led to believe that I had married a gold digger. I would be mad that I had been fooled into marriage and I would feel ripped off. The husband did the only thing a self respecting man should do, leave. 

The ball was in Emma's court, not in his. She had to prove her loyalty to him. She failed, plain and simple, so he left. He didn't challenge to fight this guy (immature), he didn't tell her not to see him again (controlling), he didn't hunt him down (scary?), He realized that Emma is not his, and set her free. Why fight for someone who doesn't want you, and is most likely using you???

Truth be told Emma is not Wife material to any man right now, with the exception to rich cuckold men. While she 'chooses' to try and live the fantasy that BE has created for her, and her refusal to accept reality (did you see her say anywhere in her posts that she knows this guy is playing her after that is what pretty much what everyone told her???). To me this is as bad as a man falling in love with a stripper and questioning his marriage. Strip clubs are fantasy worlds, and the women aren't always naked.

I think the blame shifting you implied was unfair. BE created the dilemma, Emma's actions exposed her true feelings and husband realized his real position in the matter. You may see an immature, teenage, run away for hardship mentality in the husband. I see a realist.


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

I think Gonecrazy has more or less nailed the matter, at least from the POV of Emma's husband. That was my perception too, but she has left too many bits out in her posts to be sure it is objectively the truth


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