# Should I stay or should I go??????HELP!!!



## sargegonewild (Dec 21, 2009)

Hey everyone,
After reading a few of the other posts, I think this might be the right place to post my problem (s). First of all thank all of you in advance for any advice or input. Well, I will come to the problem.
My wife and I have been married for 9 years now, we have 5 great children, of which I brought one into the relationship ( my oldest son) and She already had my stepdaughter (which is the oldest girl (14) ). Our marriage has always been turbulent throughout the years, but never as bad as it has been in the last 2 years. I have been dealing with all kinds of accusations, that vary from cheating, stealing all the way up the the unspeakable,....well I come to that later. 
I got injured in the Army 3 years ago with a traumatic brain injury & PTSD, and have been unable to work for the last 2 1/2years. Which lead me to believe that all our problems in our marriage has come from my side, due to all the changes in lifestyle we had to go through since my injury. Physical & psychological. So in other words, I've blamed myself for all the problems. I had a realy rough time, trying not to go over the edge (alkohol, meds, etc.), I stayed clean all this time. But throughout the last year there had been a few incident that left me doubt my selfblame. It started with my wife accusing me of having certain interrests in my stepdaughter, since I stepped up for her at times, when my wife had one of her bad days and was yelling at her for no real reason. It felt like she just hit me with a 2x4 after she told me that. I was ready to leave her for good, but I started to think about the rest of my kids and I didn't want them to suffer from that. I love my kids (including my stepdaughter,...and NO, not in that way !!!) with all my heart and would never do anything that would jeopardize their well being. But all the fights, accusations and blame games are getting to be unbearable, and when she accused me of stealing the money out of my sons x-mas card, it just hit me. Why am I here? Life is to short be fighting all the time. We tried counseling not to long ago, but the therapist was sort of an intern and she refused to open up to him. I'm tired and just need the assurance that I'm doing the right thing by leaving her. I have NO say so when it comes to the kids and she feels like I have it out for her, when I tell her that she is going overboard with her discipline of the kids. My oldest son (her stepson(10)) has been the doormatt for her when she's upset with me, but she will not see it. I have to do something before its to late for him. My problem is that I feel like I'm abandoning my other children and I know that she would start badmouthing me, as soon as I leave. How can I make the best out of the situation, anyone had a similar experience? The funny thing is, I still love her, but I feel like staying is the wrong thing to do. I just dont want my kids to grow up, thinking this is what a marriage supposed to be like. God i'm frustrated...........The thing that got me also thinking is that whenever I have friends & family over, they notice her 'high-strong' & controlling behavior with me and the kids, pull me aside and ask if I put up with that....., but I usually dont listen to outsiders when it comes to my family. I just need a neutral opinion. HELP !!!!


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

It's really unfortunate that you all have so many kids but are on the brink of divorce. If it were ordinary problems I'd tell you to stay and work it out, but the things she's accusing you of are appalling, and if she really believes them you all are racing toward a possibly tragic end. My advice to you would be to cut your losses and get a divorce, because it doesn't seem like this relationship is repairable.

Based on what you're saying, it really seems like she possibly doesn't love herself so she lashes out at you and the kids because of her own frustrations. You two don't have to be together, but you CANNOT allow her to keep you from being the father you need to be. You two need to sit down and discuss how you plan to raise the kids after the split, and when the time comes put some terms in writing so that there are serious consequences for her attempting to throw her weight around in these types of situations.

The whole thing sounds really sad though, I'm sorry.


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## sargegonewild (Dec 21, 2009)

Thx for the advise, it just realy sucks since this is my 2nd marriage and it just seems like I always end up with the emotional unstable person. I think I just have to go through with it, not just to protect myself, but to protect my children also. As I said before, I dont want my kids to grow up thinking constant anger and fighting is all a marriage is. 
Everyone is always walking on eggshells and when my stepdaughter comes home from her dads house, the first thing she wants to know is, if 'Mom' is in a bad mood. ....It is so sad that there is almost no other alternative to this. I just hope my kids won't suffer to much from it.


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