# Husband not home again



## waiting in vain (Dec 1, 2012)

My husband and I have been together for 14 years. We have two young children. I don't even know where to start. My husband had an affair five years ago. We went to counseling. Things got better. 
Since then he goes out several times a year without calling and he'll come home around 7am. He's out drinking. He knows how I feel about this whole situation. It's happening again. His job keeps us abroad and he has been under a lot of stress at work. He goes out on Fridays all night and comes home in the morning crying saying he is confused about his career choice and feels bad that we are not happy living overseas. He feels trapped. We are going on three weeks of this behavior. I told him that the next time he does this I am going to book tickets to leave with the kids. He said he understood and that he wasn't going to stay out like he has been. He says he needs me here. He has agreed he may need help because at times he feels like he is loosing his mind. He can't sleep at night. Not sure if this is a mid age life crises, however he has not gone for help yet. 
I have two children and live overseas with not much support. I am at my wits end. I love my husband and want our marriage to survive. In my opinion I have tried to work on our problems, however I can't work on problems with a person that is not here with me. He's not home again. I don't want to leave, however I feel I have no choice. I told him how I felt and he still decided to stay out. I want to be supportive of him and the stress he is under, however I am suffering. I don't know if leaving will wake him up or if I am headed towards a divorce. This whole situation is stressing me out where I can't focus on the kids. I'm starting to feel like a bad mother because I am so wrapped up in my husband not coming home and lack of sleep from staying up all night waiting that I am yelling more at the kids. It's not fair to them . Any advice of should I stay or enough is enough and book the tickets.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

When he comes home, tell him that he either get mental help or you and the children will be leaving. He most likely suffers from a stress disorder and depression. These disappearances are his way to "escape" the stress. That and he may also be an alcoholic now.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Is there no way out of his feeling trapped...returning home,new job or even a career change etc.? I watched a documentary not long ago about people in high stress jobs giving them up for simpler lives and the positive effects it had on them and their families.The "rat race" can get anyone down and it sounds like maybe your H is facing a turning point in his life and he may need to sort things out with the help of experienced counsel.I'm sorry for your situation and understand how hard it can be having virtually no support where you are and I wish the best for you,your H and family.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

First, going out all night without notice is very irresponsible and with a history of cheating doubly wrong and curious, especially with kids. 

Moving far away for a high stress job would never be worth any amount of money for me. Life is too short. See if you can move back together.

TBT had me thinking. This world of everyone wearing multiple hats of responsibility on the job, multiple ways to communicate (text,email phone, fb,twitter....madness), holiday stress, business year end stresses, etc is just nuts. I dream of a simpler life myself.

This past week was very stressful for me at work and then we have to go to the company 'Holiday' (not Christmas anymore...ha) party to boot. I like my co-workers, but really would prefer time away from them as they remind me of all the work related crap. 

I get it. We all need time to ourselves, but with responsibilties like family, running is never right. 


How about IC and or MC?


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## waiting in vain (Dec 1, 2012)

Since my last posting my husband told me he was at a womens house. He says they were just talking about our marriage. He also informed me that he was talking with another women from work and had several lunches with her and they kissed. He emailed the women and informed her that they could not continue what was going on and he had to work on his marriage. After two long days of talking and crying together we decided to try to work this out. Through our talks I have found out some issues that have bothered him for years. I too have some issues I need to improve on to get our marriage on the right track. We will be going to MC ASAP. I hope we can get through this together.


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