# Is My Marriage Over?



## Birdseye View

I'm a newby here. I'll try to keep it brief. Married 14 years with a 12-year old son w/Aspergers Syndrome. Husband comes from disfunctional family lacking any spiritual core and all in family exhibit narcissitic & passive agressive traits.
Unbeknownst to me, husband was meth drug addict when we met and married. (Found out 2 months after we got married.) He has been clean from meth now for 12 years (since son was born) but still smokes pot.
Husband and I both work full time. Husband has some health issues (chronic back pain from old injury, controlled type II diabetes).
For the first 2 years of my son's life, husband slept in another bed (his choice, not mine). He was cold, distant and avoided all intimacy. I was deeply wounded. He was less meanafter taking anti-depressants, but acted then (and now) like he'd rather do anything than be with me. He'll play computer games for hours (I suspect he's viewing porn), stays up late watching TV, and on weekends naps for HOURS. He never initiates family outings, and avoids outings that son and I go on together (dinner out, movies, concerts). He never takes responsibility for anything (he's never wrong), neglects household chores (he "forgets").
Now that son plays foootball, husband goes to son's football practice/games and is generally involved in son's life (previously was grouchy and avoided our son).
He will do anything for a friend, and makes women friends at work easily (can be very charming). He'll even keep in touch with old friends (male) and have very warm and long phone conversations with them.
I finally moved out our our bedroom into the spare bedroom. I told him that I can't take it anymore. His excuse is that I think he's not "good enough" for me. Ugh.
I do not trust this man with my feelings anymore and don't know how to be loving to him when I hurt so much. I don't even think I can show him God's love. I just want him to acknowledge how he has hurt me. Please help me.


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## 20yrs

Do you WANT to be able to love him? I think that makes a difference as when you give up then all you can see are his faults...

That is one reason the Love Dare deal works is because focusing on the postive things works. It simply works because that is how God designed it to work... whatever we focus on is what prospers.

I am not trying to be hard on you at all... *please understand that*. My heart goes out to you!

But I know from experience that nothing just happens in a marriage... either good or bad.... there are often two sides.

There is a really good book available called Created to Be a Helpmeet and you can get it on Amazon... that has helped MANY women in similar situations to yours.

Praying for you..... Remember that your heavenly Father has way more tips and tricks on how to deal with this kind of stuff than most of us humans do. Ask Him to show you.


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## italiana86

I think 20yrs is right, the one thing that I would add is that you should put God first! Don't worry too much about what is going on right now. put it in God hands. be faithful. because God can heal everybody. keep praying and rest because sometimes rest is the test (i heard it 3 weeks ago in church!)

God bless!


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## foolz1

This sounds like a man afraid of commitment. Obviously this is only my opinion, as I do not know either one of you. Life is what you make it, but sometimes we are in an uphill battle, as it appears that you are. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## maynard2121

I am mostly concerned about his smoking pot and calling it, being clean. I was a meth addict fr several years and have been clean from all drugs, including alcohol for 6 years. I am concerned of the late hours he keeps and lack of interest in family outings. That can be a sign that perhaps there is more going on than the pot. You also mentioned porn and the long naps. I'd consider his appetite and any fluctuations in his weight. Where there is smoke there is fire.

Wish you luck


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## foolz1

Birdseye View, it sounds like you have resigned yourself to being a "puppet" for this creep. I would get away from this arrangement, yesterday. Take care and best wishes.


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## Recovered

Birdseye View said:


> I finally moved out our our bedroom into the spare bedroom. I told him that I can't take it anymore. His excuse is that I think he's not "good enough" for me. Ugh.


From my own experience, that sentence right there is probably a HUGE indicator as to one of the real issues. I felt for many years of my marriage that I wasn't "good enough" for my wife....and projected that onto her hundreds of times. Still struggle with those feelings occasionally, but I recognize that "not being good enough" comes from inside of me rather than anything that my wife is doing to or near me.

For me, the key is the quality of my connection to God in my life. If I'm living on a spiritual basis and I feel connected to God....those feelings disappear. If those feelings begin to creep back in....it's a sign that I'm drifting from the path.


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