# Is he worth to keep?



## RGMOM (Nov 7, 2008)

I have a husband who has a terrible emotional problem. I tried to understand that he was abused badly by his father when he was young. He is 51 year old now he still couldn't get over it.
I felt sorry for him but dealing with his anger all he time driving me crazy. I can't stand it any more. He thought that I didn't walk away from him because I can't afford to stay on my own. It's not true. I am working full time and probably can find a decent place.
The reason that I didn't leave because he is a good father to my son. I had tried to do everything to please him but it made him think that he had the power over me.

Everyday he gets worse and worse. Sometimes I wish him have a heartattack from his anger! That would be a big relief for me & my son.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

It's one thing to empathize with him because of his childhood but he is the only one that can stop that cycle and change it for himself. Instead of walking on eggshells with him why don't you say you will walk away from him unless he does something about it for himself...anger management courses and/or individual counseling. You and your son do not deserve to live like this!


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## RGMOM (Nov 7, 2008)

He said it out loud many that he is perfect and he would never change. He thinks anger is a way to vent it out. He thinks it's perfectly fine for him.
Sometimes I feel like he doesn't love me at all. That's why he doesn't want to change for me.

He is a nickle and dime person. 
I keep him happy by paying most of the thing I could, like 1/2 of the mortgage, all our health insurance,all groceries bill, all the kid expenses (toys+clothes+food) and daycare.
He keeps accumating his wealth in his private account. 
Before he married me he had nothing in his saving account plus he had debt on his credit line and credit card.
Since he married me, he had saved a lot of moeny and that made him happy everytime he see the balance on his account.
He many times wants to have the control over my finacne but I didn't let him. I made agreement to have a join bank account which we both transfer money in. I just don't trust him.
I have known him for 8 years and married him for 5 years.
I was stupid. I should have run away from him before I had a baby. That was a big mistake. I hate him so much now and don't know what to do. I don't love him enough to keep forgiving him any more!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

RGMOM said:


> I was stupid. I should have run away from him before I had a baby. That was a big mistake. I hate him so much now and don't know what to do. I don't love him enough to keep forgiving him any more!


I said this to myself a lot. I felt so stupid. I shoudl have known, i should have seen it, i shouldnt have done this or that. but really how coudl you have known it was going to turn out like this? you know the warning signs now, but you have to live it to understand want they meant. you werent stupid. you did what you thought was right at the time and now its not right anymore. so live in the now. what you have to start asking is knowing what you know now, what is the best thing for you now?


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

:iagree: I bet if someone told you 8 years ago that he would turn out like he is today, you would've thought they were crazy. 
My husband resents his father because he used to be a drunk who broke all his promises and was always too busy with something to spend any time with the kids and he used to mentally abuse my husband. Well, guess what? He is doing all those things to our kids now. You think that someone who went through any kind of abuse themselves would understand what it must be like for other people and they would try anything in their power not to bring that same kind of pain upon others but in most cases abused become abusers. Sad but true. 
And for you, don't let him take control of your finance.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

swedish said:


> It's one thing to empathize with him because of his childhood but he is the only one that can stop that cycle and change it for himself. Instead of walking on eggshells with him why don't you say you will walk away from him unless he does something about it for himself...anger management courses and/or individual counseling. You and your son do not deserve to live like this!



:iagree:

And if he doesn't change than it is time to put your words into action because He is calling your bluff.

draconis


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

If he thinks he is perfect, he has some serious reality issues. No one is perfect and I have never heard anyone else consider themselves perfect! 
He is taking advantage of you! Plain and simple!


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