# Serial cheaters



## sinnalo13 (May 8, 2012)

Serial Cheaters - Narcissists

A typical reason for infidelity is that one spouse may be a narcissist who often becomes a serial cheater. The narcissist is most likely to have many affairs and will pursue anyone they can manipulate with their boundless words and actions. 

Narcissists are self-absorbed and tend to be highly charming. They have a constant need for admiration. They view all events in terms of how the events impact them and them alone. They are master manipulators and feel an "emotional high" with each new conquest. Their behavior is often impulsive which can appear exciting. These individuals lack compassion unless it helps them achieve their goals. They are unwilling to see or consider anything from another person's viewpoint. They will continue the emotional control with a target until the relationship becomes too burdensome. They utilize no moral boundaries in their pursuit of admiration and physical activity from the opposite sex; frequently offering marriage, promises, baptism, children, etc. Literally - whatever the target "needs to hear" in order to close the deal is what the narcissist will say and do. Their targets are usually married which heightens the feeling of conquest. They frequently have several affairs going on at once with no regard to the damage caused by their reckless pursuit of self-gratification. Narcissists develop specialized talents such as crying on cue, "elegantly" deceiving without stumble, saying just the right things at just the right time, etc. all designed to aid in attaining their goal. 

Their behavior is more than a lack of self-esteem. It goes to the very core of the individual's personality and is a pervasive aspect of their lifestyle. This character flaw prevents them from keeping marriage vows and in the vast majority of cases narcissists will forever cheat on their spouse(s). It is interesting to note that narcissists rarely divorce and will fight tooth and nail to remain married. This is believed to go along with the "need to be accepted by all" mentality that narcissists possess. As strong as their need is to conquer outside their marriage; they turn into weeping idiots if/when their spouse even suggests divorc


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## MOMMY2ONE (Mar 6, 2012)

Omg , you have described my huband to the tee . I should send it to the ow since she thinks he loves her , well he's 48 and shes 21 she would probably need help reading and understanding this..lol thank you for posting this .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cheese puff (Jul 24, 2011)

what is the best way to make reality hit this type of person


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

The best thing you can do if you are involved with a NPD is to run and have no contact, if possible.


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## May (May 5, 2012)

sinnalo13 said:


> Serial Cheaters - Narcissists
> 
> A typical reason for infidelity is that one spouse may be a narcissist who often becomes a serial cheater. The narcissist is most likely to have many affairs and will pursue anyone they can manipulate with their boundless words and actions.
> 
> ...


You just described my husband.. Is this consider a disease? So, marriage counseling is a big waste of time and money.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

It is a tough diagnosis, May. But, if he really has NPD, yes, counseling is useless.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

cheese puff said:


> what is the best way to make reality hit this type of person


Exposure.

The need to be accepted by everyone and the need to have everyone like them makes them especially susceptible to exposure. They can't stand the thought of people hating them or looking down on them. That's my theory anyway.


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

I agree with Lordmayhem. Exposure and unacceptance by a lot of people would be poison for such an individual. It would be devastating to someone with this nature. Is it 'payback' time? No, just teaching someone one of life's important lesson! That is how I feel!


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## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

What if they are not charming and do not have constant need for admiration - but cheat constantly - will that be described as narcissist too? 

My ex husband was dull as anything, socially awkward and was about as charming as a piece of wood. Kind of a little geeky too. He cheated on me (and on all the other girls) throughout the entire duration of our almost 10-year marriage. He also exhibited autistic traits, so the cheating behavior was always the same.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

sinnalo13 said:


> Serial Cheaters - Narcissists
> 
> A typical reason for infidelity is that one spouse may be a narcissist who often becomes a serial cheater. The narcissist is most likely to have many affairs and will pursue anyone they can manipulate with their boundless words and actions.
> 
> ...



This is a spot on description of my husband,, he is in the "fighting tooth and nail" stage of trying to save our marriage.. even though I had him move out while separated... because of infidelity... Did you find this on a certain web site? If so, where? Would love to read more on it.


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## sinnalo13 (May 8, 2012)

MOMMY2ONE said:


> Omg , you have described my huband to the tee . I should send it to the ow since she thinks he loves her , well he's 48 and shes 21 she would probably need help reading and understanding this..lol thank you for posting this .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No problem. I posted it because this is my husband. & I wanted to let people know why these people do what they do.


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## sinnalo13 (May 8, 2012)

Numb in Ohio said:


> This is a spot on description of my husband,, he is in the "fighting tooth and nail" stage of trying to save our marriage.. even though I had him move out while separated... because of infidelity... Did you find this on a certain web site? If so, where? Would love to read more on it.


I posted a thread of my own & somebody told me that my husband was a serial cheater and I researched and found this and decided to share it. This is a point on description of my husband. Right down to every detail. Just google "Characteristics of a serial cheater" & you will find a lot of information.  Here's the link.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/45781-advice-pleeeease.html#post732267


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## MOMMY2ONE (Mar 6, 2012)

I researched it also a few months back and read something similiar but i googled compulsive liar and serial cheater..


sinnalo13 said:


> I posted a thread of my own & somebody told me that my husband was a serial cheater and I researched and found this and decided to share it. This is a point on description of my husband. Right down to every detail. Just google "Characteristics of a serial cheater" & you will find a lot of information.  Here's the link.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/45781-advice-pleeeease.html#post732267


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rmommy22 (Jan 17, 2012)

Wow, never really looked at this aspect of it, but it describes my STBXH exactly! Now at least I can express clearly everything I have seen and dealt with where others can understand too!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I left my serial cheating husband. It wasn't long after we were married to take note of the horrid decision I made. Plus, having a child by this person that is not a man.

His gf moved in 3 days after I left. Even though she was living with him, he was always trying to get me back. The only reason he wanted me back is that I wanted nothing to do with him and his abusive ways. He blames his misery on me, still to this day, 18 years later.

He remarried to the gf that moved in. I know of 3 women he cheated with on her. I'm positive there are several more. He lacks family orientation and spends most his free time sleeping with other women. He still to this day does not work more then 20 hours per week.

My ex has more problems then just being a serial cheater. I'm glad I made a decision early to divorce him. I'm so much happier with a man that fully respects me. It's nice to relax and trust 100%.

However, my ex was never charming. Just angry all the time.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

It's bizarre to think that a narcissist will spend so much time, energy and effort in trying to control and manipulate their environment and micro manage every little detail and event that happens in their lives, rather than spend just the fraction of effort needed in controling their own behaviours.

Nothing is more liberating and empowering than having the integrity to say, 'Oops, my fault.' and learning from the experience.

Trying to control external influences and other people would drive me mental. Maybe that's why narcissism is such a problem to resolve - the lack of control makes them want to control more.


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## Ariella (May 19, 2012)

This post is so true! My fiance is a serial cheater, and I have been dealing with his cheating for over 6 years. I know he loves me, as crazy as that sounds and would never want to lose me. He will do almost anything to keep me with him. 

A few months ago, I hit my breaking point and we had a big blow out and he has promised me that he is going to stop cheating. After 6 years, he finally admitted that he has a problem and finally decided to be honest with me about many things. It has been 3 months, and I believe he is a recovering serial cheater. It truly is like an addiction. 

I do love him and hope that he truly can stop cheating. Only time will tell. I have many people that do not understand why I stay with him, but I do love him and I know he loves me. I started a blog a few months back and that has been really helpful. 

Im In Love With A Serial Cheater | my life with a cheater. . .


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## Beth75 (Dec 9, 2012)

I want to thank everyone for their posts. I think my husband is a narcissist or at least has narcissistic tendencies. I have been in individual therapy and my therapist thinks so. My husband cheated on me a year ago with my brother's wife. I thought we were doing well overcoming this, but he's been doing it again with an ex-girlfriend from at least 15 years ago. I kicked him out of the house a week ago because he said he was thinking about divorce again. I always seem to get those threats. Well, I found out it seems they are already talking marriage. Oh, BTW, this girl doesn't live close. She is in another state. And apparently going through a divorce herself. Is it normal for them to move on so fast?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Yes, I'd be making plans of divorcing. Your husband is not worth staying married to. He's a serial cheater, he'll cheat on his next wife too.


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## skb (Dec 1, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> My mom has her own issues with men, and strongly reinforced in me that marriage was slavery. Boys/men were dirty and only were good for making babies. Then toss them to the side.
> 
> After my husband (then boyfriend/baby daddy) had our DD, I was told on a constant enough basis, I don't need him. We can raise the baby together...alone. He has out lived his usefulness, and over stayed his welcome.
> 
> Isn't it time to break up yet..?? g my reasonings.


And I thought my mom was the only one that considered husbands as disposable. True to form she divorced my Dad when I was a baby. And all the Stepdads along the way as well. She actually began encouraging me to start an affair before the birth of my daughter. After she was born I went back to work and started my first affair with a co-worker. I think she was prouder than when I graduated from college. Then of course she was encouraging me thru my first divorce. Second marriage was the same. Sixth months into it she began encouraging me to start thinking about divorce. And other men of course.

I think the difference in your mom and mine is the dirty reference. My mom loves men, she just views them as disposable. 

Difference between you and I : you rebelled while I took her encouragement to heart. Now I am my Mom.


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## kruppmart (May 10, 2012)

This is a 100% description of my STBXW, plus she is a sociopath


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

And my STBXW as well! Paraphrasing her own words, she will fastly tell you that "she never meets a stranger!"

And being in the throws of a contentious divorce, I'm greatly thinking that the only real stranger that she truly knows, at least nowadays, is me!


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## Beth75 (Dec 9, 2012)

I know I need to divorce him. It's just so hard. I was doing so well after reading all this information about narcissism. The info was right. No matter what I tried to change about myself that bothered him, it wasn't good enough. I thought he was down because he was not working. Here is a man who has three degrees but yet has been fired twice and quit his last job all within 6 years. It's affecting his work. He said he quit his last job because he hated it so much and it was giving him stomach problems. His doctor did think he had a bleeding ulcer. He had to get a colonoscopy. Although, it's ironic he quit his job just a couple of weeks after he started talking to this girl. And let me ask everyone this...what kind of person goes after a married man??? It's not like he has anything to offer. They haven't been in a relationship since 1995. (I've been doing a lot of snooping.) He is willing to move away from his entire family to be with her. Oh, and one reason he wants a divorce is because he can't stand my family. Even though we had gotten to the point that they don't even see one another anymore. And one more thing...why did he tell me the other day that he misses me? Is he just playing with me? He is living with his sister and she is telling me he's sad, doesn't want to hurt me, and misses me. I guess I am a great target. I follow my heart way too much. Thanks to whoever takes the time to read this.


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## skb (Dec 1, 2012)

Pandakiss,
I can certainly see why you rebelled. Your Mom's a monster. I rebelled too in my early teens but once I discovered men I found myself slowly slipping into Mom's lifestyle. Much to her delight.


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## skb (Dec 1, 2012)

kruppmart said:


> This is a 100% description of my STBXW, plus she is a sociopath


I'll just bet you're happy she's your STBX now!!!!!! Could not have been a marriage that could endure.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Not all serial cheaters are NPD... BPD's are in there too. As are sexually traumatized people. As are the abused. Etc....


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Racer said:


> Not all serial cheaters are NPD... BPD's are in there too. As are sexually traumatized people. As are the abused. Etc....


There're cultural enviroments in wich cheating is almost expected.


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## skb (Dec 1, 2012)

Acabado said:


> There're cultural enviroments in wich cheating is almost expected.


I don't think we're there quite yet in the US but attitudes are changing quickly about affairs. Cheating is certainly in vogue. Would love to see the statistics.


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## goldylox (Oct 15, 2017)

My narcissist husband was no different. His selfish need for attention and excitement resulted in him becoming a compulsive liar and serial cheater. His innocent boy next door appearance and charming demeanor let him get away with all kinds of cunning manipulations. He had me and everyone around him fooled for years. But deep down I knew he was not being honest or faithful. When he was finally "caught red handed" after what turned out to be a year of multiple one night stands, he fully repented and completely gave his life to Jesus. He was completely transformed - his personality, behavior, attitude, character - everything changed. He is the opposite of a narcissist now; he is completely altruistic and selfless. He wishes he would have found Jesus sooner, he wouldn't have hurt so many people and wasted so many years of his life chasing a fake image of himself. That's the good news. The bad news is, I have been hurt so badly that sadly I've lost all trust in him, I struggle with forgiveness, and may never be able to trust a man again. But, from what I have experienced, I can truly say that through God anything is possible... Even a life long narcissist can be transformed, cleansed, and changed completely by Jesus and true repentance. Likely, it's the only way to reform a narcissist


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

goldylox said:


> My narcissist husband was no different. His selfish need for attention and excitement resulted in him becoming a compulsive liar and serial cheater. His innocent boy next door appearance and charming demeanor let him get away with all kinds of cunning manipulations. He had me and everyone around him fooled for years. But deep down I knew he was not being honest or faithful. When he was finally "caught red handed" after what turned out to be a year of multiple one night stands, he fully repented and completely gave his life to Jesus. He was completely transformed - his personality, behavior, attitude, character - everything changed. He is the opposite of a narcissist now; he is completely altruistic and selfless. He wishes he would have found Jesus sooner, he wouldn't have hurt so many people and wasted so many years of his life chasing a fake image of himself. That's the good news. The bad news is, I have been hurt so badly that sadly I've lost all trust in him, I struggle with forgiveness, and may never be able to trust a man again. But, from what I have experienced, I can truly say that through God anything is possible... Even a life long narcissist can be transformed, cleansed, and changed completely by Jesus and true repentance. Likely, it's the only way to reform a narcissist


1. Zombie thread

2. He’s still cheating, and he’ll never stop.

Seriously — many serials do their best work under the cloak of piety.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

LOL...definite zombie thread but I'll bite.


> Even a life long narcissist can be transformed, cleansed, and changed completely by Jesus and true repentance. Likely, it's the only way to reform a narcissist


Hopefully that will actually last.

He kind of sounds like the criminal who's thrown in jail and 'finds God' and becomes the most repentant God-fearing soul out there.

Until he's free again.

Come back in 5 years and let us know if he's still as pious as he is today. Sadly, I'm willing to bet good money he won't be.

You don't have to reconcile with him even if he was 'saved by God.' There's no law that says you have to forgive him. You don't.


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## goldylox (Oct 15, 2017)

Oh yes, narcissists can move from relationship to relationship with hardly the bat of an eyelash. Its what they do best - compartmentalize people, relationships, lies, manipulations, and everything else in their lives into little boxes in their head so they can file them away and move on. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. There is nothing more painful than being involved with a narcissist. My narcissist husband was no different. His selfish need for attention and excitement resulted in him becoming a compulsive liar and serial cheater. His innocent boy next door appearance and charming demeanor let him get away with all kinds of cunning manipulations. He had me and everyone around him fooled for years. Deep down I knew he was not being honest or faithful. I began to suspect he was a narcissist but it took a long time to separate him from the neurosis. When he was finally "caught red handed" after what turned out to be a year of multiple one night stands, he fully repented and completely gave his life to Jesus. He was completely transformed - his personality, behavior, attitude, character - everything changed. He is the opposite of a narcissist now; he is completely altruistic and selfless. He wishes he would have found Jesus sooner, he wouldn't have hurt so many people and wasted so many years of his life chasing a fake image of himself. That's the good news. The bad news is, I have been hurt so badly that sadly I've lost all trust in him, I struggle with forgiveness, and may never be able to trust a man again. But, from what I have experienced, I can truly say that through God anything is possible... Even a life long narcissist can be transformed, cleansed, and changed completely by Jesus and true repentance. Likely, it's the only way to reform a narcissist. If he isn't willing to go "there" then leave him for good and never look back.


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## goldylox (Oct 15, 2017)

I appreciate the concern. You are preaching to the choir in my brain! I wonder the same thing every day and every minute of every day. I find myself trying to 'catch him in a lie' in order to spare myself future disappointment. But, its been a year since he was saved and he is sweeter now than the day he repented and was reborn. He has changed 100 percent - he even cooks, cleans and makes dinner for me every day. He is about as far from a narcissist as one could imagine. But, alas, I am still afraid the old narcissist in him will return. He is adamant that will never happen. Still I'm forever wounded and gun-shy. We'll see. I know the old saying, once a cheater always a cheater... it's almost always true. But what can I say... he might be the anomaly. But only because of God. Nothing else could change someone like that.


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## Loveless17 (Oct 16, 2017)

I know a guy who came to Jesus also. His wife believes he has changed and is doing everything she could ever have wanted. However, he is still cheating during his work hours, as it doesn't take long to screw someone in the office over lunch. His won his wife back but is living a lie. He changed his ways in most ways and found a new affair partner that wouldn't require as much attention to keep his wife off his tracks. Just be careful. Unless you are with him 24/7, there is no guarantee his is being faithful.


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