# My husband is abusive,mentally,verbally and sometimes physically.



## Mentalprision (Aug 10, 2013)

Hello,
I need some support/advice .I have no family to talk to and I have no friends(just like my husband wants it).I have been with my husband for almost 25 years.We are married.I lived with him since I was 16(40 now) He was 19(43 now).We have 7 kids.I have never cheated or even flirted with another man.


My husband is very controlling and extremely jealous.He is very verbally abusive.he says evil things that makes me wonder sometimes.For example,he throws my childhood in my face,the fact that I was abused in EVERY way by my so called father.he talks like it was my fault and I enjoyed it or something.He acts like my father is a ex-boyfriend or something.I was 9 and I ran away from home when I was 13.He is delusional,he gets angry in supermarket if a man looks at me he gets attitude with me and accuses me of giving the guy the "eye" or something.I do not even know 99% of the time what guy got him so angry because I be in my own world.I don't pay attention to men in a "lustful" way.I can't explain it but basically I don't pay men no mind.Anyway,my husband doesn't even want me to go outside in the yard when he is not home and there is so much more but this is my first time telling my business so I will tell in bits and pieces.My boys play basketball and he accuses me of watching "the little boys"on my sons team.They are like 16 or 17.he says "You're sick like your father" Statements like those are what hurts the most than the physical abuse.

I am normally a happy person.I have a growth growing on my pineal gland in the brain.A pineal cyst Dr. thinks it is but not sure because its growing.I am afraid God forbid I have a tumor or something and die before I really get to live.I honestly have not had 2 good happy days in 25 years.he argues everyday,he accuses me everyday of cheating somehow,I am in the house all the time but he says I sneak out in backyard at night or I'm cheating with someone on the computer.He checks the computer history and checks behind me more than he does on the kids.He says he likes to argue,its boring to him if he doesn't.he has mental issues I'm sure he liked to get in trouble when he was younger.

He might see this,I don't care.I just want to enjoy life,tomorrow isn't promised to nobody.I saw a man kill his wife and he put her dead body on facebook.Her friends say her husband was controlling and jealous.Do these type of men ever change?thanks for taking time to read my post and please excuse my grammar.My brain is not working good anymore.


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## Problem_King (Oct 8, 2012)

No they do not change they always stay the same I would run leave because that could be your body on Facebook god forbid


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## motherofone (Jan 10, 2013)

No. They do not change. 

You, however, can change. You can get out. You can be happy.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

They don't change. He has low self esteem. He needs to keep you down so you don't leave.


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## Spinner (Jul 26, 2013)

Just the title of your thread says you know what to do. Get out! File for divorce TOMORROW!

My mom married a man like this. She's still with him after 27 years because she doesn't believe in divorce, but I can't help but realize how much happier her life would have been without him. He mellowed out a small bit over the years, but that's about it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What resources are available where you live? It sounds like you live in a very isolated area.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

This is no way for a human being to live. You don't deserve persecution from this ijdit. Start putting money away on the side. See a lawyer and find out your rights to spousal/child support. 
No he won't change, he's too extreme to change. 
If you can afford it go for counseling or if you can't call the local abused women's shelter and start attending sessions there, they are the experts in guiding you through this and even if you chose to stay they can help you deal with him. 
The things he says about your childhood abuse make me physcially ill, to think you have to listen to this sick talk. I hope a lightening bolt hits him. When he starts this do you tell him that he is sick to say these things and to STOP IT. Or are you too in fear of him?


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## Mentalprision (Aug 10, 2013)

I live about 40 miles from Charleston SC and 1 hour from Columbia.I am from NY though.

I have a shoplitting headache from arguing with him again.I am so tired of this misery,I am afraid I will die unexpectedly from all this stress,from stroke,or brain tumor or something.We just argued because a man was on the tv on news channel.He asked me if I knew the man's name because he says he always saw this man on tv.I told him I didn't know the man's name,the man doesn't have his own show.he asked me 3 times and made me swear on my grandciild that I didn't know the man's name.I did it and he says I'm lying.I then got angry because why would I lie about knowing someone's name on tv.It's just so stupid and frustrating.It went from this argument to him throwing my past in my face.he says I want to be one big happy family with my father again because my older sister calls me sometimes and she talks to her father too.He says he gonna make sure my kids are safe,etc like I would actually want to be around that pervert.I am so unhappn and I feel so helplels and stupid for putting up with this nonsense every dam day.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When he starts this, why do you engage in the argument and stay around when he starts lopping things like your past and your father at you?


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

that is a truly horrible thing to say to your "loved one". my wife had an uncle that abused her, I would never ever even consider saying a thing about it to her to get even at her. I know it was not her fault, I know she did not enjoy it and would do anything to not have it ever happen in the first place. 

I agree with others, while you are there, save up money, do not take any crap from him and research into ways to get out of there. do not let him find out, bad things might happen before you get a chance to leave. we had that happen to someone we knew. was horrible. 

you deserve to be happy all the time, not just a once in awhile thing or have it as a dream in the back of your head. if someone does not want you to be happy then there is a serious issue. I would indeed truly do anything for my wife to make her happy, if that would be for her to be on her own and discover life without me then I would let her do that. it would really be awful to be without her in my life but I would prefer her to be happy. 

I learned a long time ago about free will, you cannot truly suppress it, you can hold it down but you can never really imprison a person or control their every action. others in my life are able to do what they want or feel the need to, I cannot or will not stop them, I might advise against it but it truly is their own mistake to discover. 

try to switch tactics on him. do not entertain his arguing, when he tries to be combative, leave the room. keep your voice cool and calm , tell him when he is interested in talking to you like a human being he can come get you.do not let yourselves feed off each others negative emotions. he is acting like a spoiled child. 

I would not be surprised if there is a few mental issues there. 

good luck


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## noas55 (Jun 25, 2013)

It is rare that an abusive spouse can change. I did, but it took my wife leaving with my kids to even get me to THINK of changing.
It took lots of counseling and understanding my issues. It took time for my wife to trust me again. We were married 8 years before she left after an ugly physical fight between us. I do not blame her and never did blame her for leaving me. I even forgave her because she felt bad for protecting the kids and herself from me.
13 years of happy marriage until these last 3 years. now separated but we are working it out. This separation is nothing about abuse.

I will gladly help in anyway if you would like. Possibly help understand why, possible suggestions on how to communicate.
I am sorry you are going through this. It is the darkest days of my life knowing I hurt the woman and kids I would die for.


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## Mentalprision (Aug 10, 2013)

I had enough.This is what happened today.To make a long story short.My husband was talking on the phone with our 19 year old son.My son doesn't know how to stop his mouth sometimes.He got into it with his father and cursed at him.my husband went ballistic at me because he said I undermine him.I don't understand.my son going to college on a scholarship,his dad was suppose to send him some money to pay someone to take him.my husband was telling my son to let his old high school coach take him cause the coach had offered previously.my son asked the coach and he said he would have to move some things around.now I told my husband it's not the coaches responsibility to get OUR son to college.but he kept telling my son to call the coach.I was figuring if he wanted to actually take him he would.it is 13 hour trip.So my son got angry and used curse words .my husband was telling my son don't go to college and have babies like his older brother.my son said what his brother did has nothing to do with him.my husband cursed me out after he hung up on my son saying it's my fault and told me to suck his you know what in front of my daughter and other hateful things .brought up my childhood and called me a fat hoe and I ain't **** and wished he never had kids with me.He looked like I don't know what when he was saying those things.I am waiting to find someone I can get some money from to leave here and take my son to his college.I have no friends or family so I have to beg his family members.what a miserable situation to be in but I just want to LEAVE.


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## Mentalprision (Aug 10, 2013)

I will sell my stuff to get money to leave.His family not trying to help.It's better I do it on my own anyway.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

you know what you need to do. now do it. get out. go to a shelter. takes your kids who are still at home with you. let your children know that you love them and that you'll always be there for them. tell you son in college how proud you are of him. make your kids proud of you and leave. you call yourself 'mentalprison' and you have been abused and manipulated for so many decades that you think you are in a prison, but you really aren't. you really CAN leave. no one but yourself is making you stay with your H. you came here and told your story, which is brave. now take the next brave step and leave your abuser.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need to find a woman's shelter in your area. They exist.

They will help you get out of this abusive situation.

Do you need help finding one? If you do PM me.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Did you go for counselling regarding this abuse you suffered from your father?

Not to play shrink but you may have gotten yourself into the same dynamic that you had with your dad.

I had something happen to me when I was younger that was basically ignored by my family (this person was a family member)

I am now in the process of looking for resources and filing for divorce, from an emotionally (and financially) abusive man. 

Call a women's abuse hotline and speak to them, they can help you figure out next steps or at least listen.

Also- always clear your cookies and visited sites when you come on here or look for any resources.

This man sounds very unpredictable and controlling. You need professional help making a plan to leave.


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## Mentalprision (Aug 10, 2013)

I never did go to counseling for my childhood abuse but I did go to counseling with my husband to try and save my marriage.The Dr said I created a monster.I let my husband get away with too much.My husband didn't want to go no more because all the counselors said he needed meds.Even the Christian counselor couldn't really help.I stayed so long because somehow I figured as long as he doesn't cheat,he is a good husband.It's just that the bad is outweighing the good in him.He says nobody marriage perfect I get that but this marriage is too miserable.I'm not perfect either.I gained weight,he cooks better than me.I don't like to clean regularly because I feel resentment when he goes drinking with his cousins and expect me to be in the house 24 7 cleaning like a perfect wife and take abuse.I have server e anemia.I need about 9 blood transfusion so I don't have the energy sometimes to clean and I'm in pain 98 percent of the time.I stopped taking prescription pills.They were not working anymore.But it seems the stress adds to the pain.It's crazy because I am not a weak person I feel but weak when it comes to my husband.I told him lots of husbands don't cheat and don't abuse their wives in anyway.He doesn't believe it.I don't cheat or mistreat him I told him.It's not fair.I feel like I let my children down.They are suppose to be enjoying childhood.His dad was abusive too.I think my husband has some type of narcissistic personality disorder.My son says my husband thinks he is God.


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## Mentalprision (Aug 10, 2013)

And thank you all for your comments and support.I am so confused sometimes.I am a happy loving person who heart aches when people are suffering.I am too nice and people take advantage.I am a fairness person.I use to be a correction officer in a max prison.I never had someone disrespect me so much as my husband who is suppose to love me.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

You know what you need to so, get out. He's not going to change. If this is how you want your life to play out, then stay. There are lots of women shelters......


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## Mentalprision (Aug 10, 2013)

I'm still here.I was on the phone talking to my son about moving and later my husband mentioned casually like "yeah I'm tired of this town?" WTH? He claims he doesn't remember what he says.I'm wondering how hard its going to be when I leave.Also he is getting settlement from accident.Am I entitled to half?I mean i actually would want my freedom than money but I feel I put up too much too long and have to struggle with kids.I took care of him for about 22 years out of our relationship.i told him i wasn't signing check unless I get some.He said he wasn't putting money in the bank.I don't know what to do.i really think i should leave him when his money comes .let him keep it.i really want to be happy.


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## christine30 (Mar 23, 2010)

Do you want to continue a life like this- do you want your kids to continue down this path and think its acceptable for someone to treat them this way. Do you want to die over stress - leaving your kids to depend on this "so call Man" - do you want to enjoy your life, and feel FREE again. 
It is one thing to say and its another to do. If you truly want to leave him, go to a friends house for a few or a shelter until you get back on your feet - there are alot of housing assistance for battered and abusive women. 
No one can help you if you dont help yourself.


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