# "When they come around..."



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Ok. 

I've decided I'm not ready to just throw in the towel just yet. 

I've finally learned to ignore the words spoken and to watch the actions. 

But I have a question since I'm kind of in "in between the lands" I'm currently dark, NC for 2 days now with no prior arrangements of getting the kiddo. Ignored calls and texts already.

So my question for my future plans. 

When they come around... the wayward spouses, is it a brick to the head kinda sudden change of heart? Or is it usually slowly coming back? 

Some say to take it slow and "Show her the man she needs, the better you and she'll come around eventually" 

What is your take on "When they usually come around"?
How have you seen it?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> Ok.
> 
> I've decided I'm not ready to just throw in the towel just yet.
> 
> ...


Stop this.

You're looking for easy way outs.

There isn't an easy way out of this.

I also gave you the response to this in your actual thread.

But it's clear you cannot contain it to there and branched out simply based on the fact you are hoping to gather a larger audience and statistically gain a larger chance of hearing what you want to hear.

Dewayne.

Do you really want a life where you have to constantly think to yourself "Oh I hope I'm good enough for her, so she won't leave me again?"

What a sick. Twisted. Nauseating way to live.

Haven't you lived that way enough?

When are you going to balls up and start living a life you want.

This is the thing though.

You think far too much in black and white, without adding any gray.

Tricky thing about gray thinking though, if you do not have enough self control, restraint and love it is easily turned into excuses, false hope and all that other 'limbo' type thinking.

Here's a question for you.

When I tell you "Be the man you want to be" do you automatically assume (assumptions are bad btw) that means you need to be some emotionally cold prick to her to get your way?

You often hear the word 'compromise' thrown around.

"Marriage is full of compromises."

Yes .. and no.

Marriage is full of boundaries that are respected and maintained by the individual because that's what makes THEM happy.

Two individuals who come together because they WANT to be together. Not because they NEED to be together and respect each other as individuals all the while recognizing and obeying each others boundaries.

Really do not know what else to tell you to help you get the hint that this is no longer about her and all about you.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

:iagree:

Up is 100% correct here. Stop torturing yourself. Let her go. Do not think about how, what if, when, etc. if it happens, it happens. Right now, you would take her back no matter what. You need to continue to work on you so IF she comes back, you are the one that makes this final decision.


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Dewayne, 

I think Up has it. If she is going to end up back in your life I don't think it will be because you were trying to get her back. It will happen because SHE decides she wants that and YOU decide that you are ok letting her back into your life.

It's not something that can be forced, coerced or planned for, therefor your energies are better spent on things other than trying to make it happen.

... And his is from someone in your same boat.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

..... 


Well I had thought I was asking a legit questions. You're probably right tho. 

I was really wanting to know the answer tho. Is it usually a slowly making their way back, or is it a sudden impact. 

But I get your point. Constant pounding on my thick arse skull is helping. 

My daddy made me this way. Excuse, sure but it's true. LIterally he tried to beat sense into me. Put me in the hospital a few times etc. 

Orrr I coulda just been a slow learner from the get go. I mean, I did get putinto a handicap reading class in 8th grade lol,. I just always thought it was punishment for my treatment of the teachers haha. 

I'm slow. 

Thanks for being as patient as possible while helping me. 

It's getting easier. just veeerrryyy slowly. 

The getting back, no I want to take it slow, WORK on it... but no. I wouldn't just take her back 100% w/o putting in the work. All i want is the "ok, let's do this. what do we do now?" 

But I know that's not gonna happen. I think this has all turned a part of my brain into two separate entities. Maybe.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> .....
> 
> 
> Well I had thought I was asking a legit questions. You're probably right tho.
> ...


Have you been to therapy for this?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> Well I had thought I was asking a legit questions. You're probably right tho.


Anyone who answers you with a timeline can come talk to me.

I have a size 12 steel toed boot that loves booting @sses.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

when I was a kid. 

It doesn't bother me anymore. Truly. 

I've realized more through this that my childhood has probably played a part in this, but I've learnd to let it go. 

I spoke to my counselors a bit about it. They both (diff. ones at a time) said that they didn't think it was a problem for me.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> when I was a kid.
> 
> It doesn't bother me anymore. Truly.
> 
> ...


If it wasn't a problem.

You wouldn't have even mentioned it.

Think about that.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I barely do mention it. And when I do it's jokingly. 

I can talk about it, but rarely bring it up. It's really something not on my mind.

I'm proud of how I was raised. 

Until an unfortunate incident, of no fault of my own, I could say I never been to prison/jail, I never smoked, never done drugs. Never cheated on someone, etc. I was brought up to be a good man. Badly brought up, sure but it worked. It was my life and has no negative effect on me. 

My dad and I get along and it's a good relationship etc. He11, we had a 1.5 hour long conversation about our failed marriages and life at thanksgiving. Something that's NEVER happened.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

You should change your Avatar image into something more positive.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I should. YOu're the 3rd person to mention it. I'll look later. On a friend's computer


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