# Birthdays's for kids



## lovinhusband (Feb 25, 2012)

Well I guess in this economy it was bound to happen. For me spring time is a time of high bills, and it really puts a strain on the finances. To make a long story short last week we received our second half of the month paycheck. We're paid every two weeks, and our checks depend on the markets. My wife and I are always tight on the budget even on the good months and in the fall we make a 100% effort to pay off any unaccounted for bills from the sale of crops. Usually we can make serious headway and through the winter we're are back to just breaking even again. Well......Febuary being a short month, and production was down our checks were about 5,000 dollars short. 
Then yesterday along comes my daughter's birthday, we are already sweating a nerve racking month and we sincerely want to give our little girl at least some semblance of a birthday party. Her classmates at school all look forward to a party out on the farm, as there is a lot to do, but yesterday I got a call from a parent who was asking when they could bring their kids here for the party! We hadn't sent out invitations because we did not know if there was even going to be enough money for 100 bucks worth of groceries for the next two weeks. Needless to say the parent read me the riot act about how our daughter always comes to their party and we could not even give something in return??? She is only 7 right now and to this date I can count on one hand the number of parties she has been invited to anyway, but this mother had the gall to basicly tell me, my wife and I are cheapskates, and I should be doing more to support my family. (I'm already farming, and running another business to help with the bills and late at night I spend my time with the books, and marketing) My wife works as well, and the balance of her time is spent taking care of the kids, cleaning house and washing clothes. We cannot afford daycare, nor can we afford a lot of the luxerys that others take for granted. Eating out is an event reserved for special occasions like last fall when the crop came in I took the family out for a Sunday out after church. treated them all to whatever I could, and the next day I went to pay bills. stopping first at a couple of businesses that have been real good to me to hold my account for six months. 
My question today is am I doing such a bad job if my kids needs are met, but luxerys are few and far between, and have the younger generation of mothers (this lady is about 23) put so much emphasis on material and social interests that they forget about the basics? What gives her the right to read me off like that? I mean I am really sorry my daughter went to her daughter's birthday party, but this is a financial situation that I have been doing my best to avoid. Sometimes it ends up like this, and I can't do much about it. I want to pass the farm on to the next generation, and I want to provide another business for the other child as well, (thinking for their future already) but all this over a birthday party? right now the other mothers in the "group" all look at us like we are some sort of lepers but continually my daughter makes me proud with her academic achievements that beats the pants off of even the fourth graders, currently she is reading at 5th grade level and mastering math like it's water under the bridge..... (she is in 1st grade) So what gives??????? can they not be happy or at least understand us?
Why the riot act?
Sorry for the Rant, just feeling like a bowling pin and been floored I guess.....


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

What a horrible woman to say such things to you! You don't "owe" her anything. I like to mostly keep my kids birthdays family oriented. I don't feel a need to impress anyone else other than my child. That woman would have got an earful from me.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Stories abound of how friends become used to or entitled to certain luxuries like parties hosted by others. Then when money becomes an issue and the parties must stop they get upset. 

I'm sure your farm is fabulous and people have just grown used to the annual birthday bash and probably look forward to it for months. However this in no way obligates you to continue doing it. 

Don't let one clueless woman get to you. Who cares what she thinks? Its not HER money.


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## lovinhusband (Feb 25, 2012)

well it's not just that one woman...........it's the whole click........girl scouts is out for my daughter, she cannot get to it because we are working and schedules just do not work. Needless to say my daughter is broken hearted every year when we have to say no. the list goes on and on...............


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## lovinhusband (Feb 25, 2012)

Our family is close knit, but we do have our problems too.........just like anyone else. As for standing up for myself and my daughter......yes I do stand up for my daughter....... For myself, not so easy. it's one of those business things.... word travels fast and you never know who is related to who.......... I remember doing just that a couple of times before my daughter was born, and the repricussions hit me ten fold. (it goes out a wave and comes back a tsunami)


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## lovinhusband (Feb 25, 2012)

The town is about 1,500 people..........but size of the town doesn't make much difference these days....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

She's a crazy woman! Don't let your child play with her kid.

Wow. What a piece of crap.


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## lovinhusband (Feb 25, 2012)

that_girl said:


> She's a crazy woman! Don't let your child play with her kid.
> 
> Wow. What a piece of crap.


:rofl: I dunno why, but this one made me laugh!!! LOL crazy woman......... lol Well I do thank you all here I needed to open up I guess..can't seem to always keep all wrapped up sometimes.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm really sorry--and I do understand a lot. I worked at a high end private school and my kids had friends whose parents had a lot more money. I explained that I valued the kind of work I did, that material things aren't very important in life, and while I understood they (the kids) would like some things we could not afford, they could decide for themselves when they got older what they wanted to spend money on. In talking to your daughter--about girl scouts, for example--let her know that it makes her sad but don't be apologetic or act embarrassed. Point out that you are proud your hard work keeps them healthy and mostly happy, and that living on a farm teaches her a lot more than being in girls scouts ever could. Don't harp on it, and try not to make a big deal about it. You could also ask the teacher or school to find out if there is someone willing to transport your daughter-confidentially, of course. But don't tell your daughter and don't feel obligated to do this. It is just an extra thought.

Do not think that all young women are as crass as the one(s) you know. Yes, there can be cliques, but even within those groups will be variations. 

What that mom did is a sign of her own immaturity--she's 23 and has a 7 year old? What does that say about her judgment? (I do not mean she is **** or anything--it's not a moral issue.) She seems to have issues with impulse control, and she has demonstrated a complete lack of class. If she harbors these kinds of thoughts, then she's a pretty delusional person and is probably pretty unhappy herself. If you can find it in your heart, pity her--and her kids. No one in their right mind would ever think--much less say--what she did.


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## lovinhusband (Feb 25, 2012)

sisters359 said:


> I'm really sorry--and I do understand a lot. I worked at a high end private school and my kids had friends whose parents had a lot more money. I explained that I valued the kind of work I did, that material things aren't very important in life, and while I understood they (the kids) would like some things we could not afford, they could decide for themselves when they got older what they wanted to spend money on. In talking to your daughter--about girl scouts, for example--let her know that it makes her sad but don't be apologetic or act embarrassed. Point out that you are proud your hard work keeps them healthy and mostly happy, and that living on a farm teaches her a lot more than being in girls scouts ever could. Don't harp on it, and try not to make a big deal about it. You could also ask the teacher or school to find out if there is someone willing to transport your daughter-confidentially, of course. But don't tell your daughter and don't feel obligated to do this. It is just an extra thought.
> 
> Do not think that all young women are as crass as the one(s) you know. Yes, there can be cliques, but even within those groups will be variations.
> 
> What that mom did is a sign of her own immaturity--she's 23 and has a 7 year old? What does that say about her judgment? (I do not mean she is **** or anything--it's not a moral issue.) She seems to have issues with impulse control, and she has demonstrated a complete lack of class. If she harbors these kinds of thoughts, then she's a pretty delusional person and is probably pretty unhappy herself. If you can find it in your heart, pity her--and her kids. No one in their right mind would ever think--much less say--what she did.


I see what you are saying, when I grew up we missed out on a lot of things because of our farm background, I think that was why 4-H was created in the first place, if memory serves me right. to give country kids something to do on a social level and to interact with other country kids who knew about things like chores, field work (for boys mostly) among other things. 
Earlier on the meetings were held at a time in the evening when farmers were done with chores, and could take their children to the meetings, where as like in this case with girl scouts the meetings are always held at milking time and over before we can get done. 

As for all women being as crass as this one...... I know not all ladies are like that. I'm married to one of the most level headed ladies I know, and it is this basis in common sense that makes me love her so much! On the same note, I also know that there are many many nice young mothers out there who do treat others with respect and are very careful not to hurt others feelings. This group of ladies is of the ladder climbing Kardishian mindset......if you will allow me to use that analogy. 

For the record I don't think less of a person just because they make a bad call as a teenager. It's always how they learn from that incident that makes them a better person. Case in point.....in my business I have a man who works "with" me. He used to drink heavily, he got married, his wife straightened him out and he is now a full time family man. Only trouble is no one will give him a second chance, and his family is constantly in need of money. i do the best I can for him but it's tough and I hate it when I hear people talk about him in such a negative way as he is one hell of a hard working man. I make darn sure that people get it right when I hear things like that. 

Sometimes I get down when I know things are not as rosey as they should be, and would love for my daughter to have it better, This morning was a bad morning I guess, but she seems to be resilient and she is helping dad by watching her younger brother right now too so I think things will be alright with her.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

lovinhusband said:


> Then yesterday along comes my daughter's birthday, we are already sweating a nerve racking month and we sincerely want to give our little girl at least some semblance of a birthday party. Her classmates at school all look forward to a party out on the farm, as there is a lot to do, but yesterday I got a call from a parent who was asking when they could bring their kids here for the party!
> 
> 
> We hadn't sent out invitations because we did not know if there was even going to be enough money for 100 bucks worth of groceries for the next two weeks. Needless to say the parent read me the riot act about how our daughter always comes to their party and we could not even give something in return??? She is only 7 right now and to this date I can count on one hand the number of parties she has been invited to anyway, but this mother had the gall to basicly tell me, my wife and I are cheapskates, and I should be doing more to support my family.


 Ya know, I can't imagine anyone accually getting this upset and saying this sort of thing out of their mouth. IN the 1st part, about wanting to know WHEN, was a nice thing, obviously her little girl loves your parties and they are memorable... but then to go off and say this !! My oh my...what posseses people...that is terribly over the top in rudeness. 

Do not take any bad feelings about this... when people push thier boundaries of "expectation" on others, it only shows their LACK of healthy relationship skills and boundaries themselves. It screams of HER character... not yours or your families. She should have just sighed and expressed a little disappointment that it would be missed, raved about the past and sympathized with the hard times- that many are facing financially. 



> My question today is am I doing such a bad job if my kids needs are met, but luxerys are few and far between, and have the younger generation of mothers (this lady is about 23) put so much emphasis on material and social interests that they forget about the basics?


 Absolutely not. Nothing wrong with you at all, in fact I feel more parents ought to be like that, kids ARE spoiled rotten today with luxeries. 

I don't spoil my kids...one of them really wants a cell phone with a ton of minutes , the best I will offer him is my tracfone, he refuses... I want them to know the value of a $1. This will only help them in life ... They are more appreciative when they do get what they have been longing for... I dont buy them a new game system as soon as it hits the shelves, we get our games off ebay. We use our money very wisely to stretch as far as we can. With 6 kids and many birthday parties for each one to attend, I need to even have presents onhand, or it is alot of $10 cards I give out. If they think my kids are cheap, they can quit inviting them. Their choice. 

Gotta take care of your own 1st. 

I do go all out on Birthday parties for my littler ones...Pony rides, Slip & slide set up, water ballons throwing, silly string spraying , pinata hitting ...but it is always on my property & making a bunch of food. The only cost is the Pony lady & pizza or I do hot dogs. I make my own cake or cup cakes to keep the cost down. If I remove the pony lady & pizza from this... the cost is really low . I have to do it... I know I am giving my kids memories that will last a lifetime. 




> right now the other mothers in the "group" all look at us like we are some sort of lepers


 What makes you think this....Just cause she said that -doesn't mean others would even entertain such an idea, have you heard others complaining? 



> but continually my daughter makes me proud with her academic achievements that beats the pants off of even the fourth graders, currently she is reading at 5th grade level and mastering math like it's water under the bridge..... (she is in 1st grade)


 WOW, that's fantastic ! Amazing. This is something to be very proud of indeed. 

You know, for your daughters close friends, you could just have a sleep over for her party this year.... make a cake, get some ice cream . (this is what all of my older sons want....a bonfire sleep over with good friends).... I suppose some high class parents might find that tacky, I don't know... but really... this should be about the KIDS- thier fun, they don't need all the bells and whistles of "high class politically correctness"... just getting together with friends!! I know my kids wouldn't care at all about the presents, it is the FUN of them getting together. Presents not necessary. 

..... A group of kids, some games, laughing , staying up half the night eating junk food, they love that ! Girls could do a make up session, dance- got a karaoke machine... paint each others nails, you could have a varitey of flavors & they each make thier own sundae- with that ice cream, have them dress up - Lots of fun things to do.

Do you have any $1 theaters in your area.... we have used that as party , we take a suburban full of kids to the movies -costing $1 each (sneak in some snacks) ... then take them all out for pizza right after, we bring our cake with us (the shop doesn't care)

It is good to have some kind of party -just for them. You can't worry about the parents, just invite and let the chips fall where they may . That would be my attitude anyway.


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## lovinhusband (Feb 25, 2012)

Yes we have indeed heard others. for sure! not that we have said anything to them yet, but maybe it is time. up until now our daughter's achievement have been what is been making up for all of it and to this day we don't say anything to them. only let their mouth's fall open when my girl silently does her best. 

As for party favors, yes we have done those things in the past. What should be noted here is that the kids don't even seem to mind, what they care about is getting a tour of the farm, and seeing the animals, they have a blast! something tells me it's more of a jealousy thing than anything and I guess yesterday dealing with one bit of bad news after another it kind of seemed overwhelming which carried into today. I'm sorry for dumping this load on you all here. normally I get up in the morning and put on the tough leather (figuratively speaking) coat and head out into the world, today that coat was at the dry cleaners I think.....lol

Our kids and my wife are what inspires me more than they will ever know!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

lovinhusband said:


> As for party favors, yes we have done those things in the past. What should be noted here is that the kids don't even seem to mind, what they care about is getting a tour of the farm, and seeing the animals, they have a blast!


 WOW, how wonderful is that. 



> something tells me it's more of a jealousy thing than anything


 I think they are jealous too.... in a way, that is a compliment... it is better than being made fun of. Easier to swallow somehow, at least I would take it that way. 

We all have days like that !


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## koolasma (Mar 11, 2012)

The town is about 1,500 people..........but size of the town doesn't make much difference these days....


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Whatever you do, do *something* for your daughter's b'day. I agree with what Simply Amorous said......and LOVE her ideas. My daughter's b'day is in December, so we don't get to do those fun outdoor activities for her b'day, but we do go roller skating, bowling, etc. The kids LOVE it!!


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