# My thoughts tonight



## striker711 (Nov 8, 2012)

I have not posted for a while now. A little background. Me 31 my wife 28. No kids although I would love to have a couple someday. Together for 13 years married for 5.5 She left in May. No real reason other than "she didn't love me anymore." She asked for divorce in Nov. but she had done nothing about it. I am trying to move it forward because I will never be able to truly heal until it is finally over forever. 

I look back now and see how far I have come. Those were some truly dark days. I will never look back and question if I could have done more to save my marriage. I did everything I could. I have been improving myself everyday since she left me. I am over the almost constant pain and heartache, but I still miss her everyday. 

I saw her for the first time in months on Easter Sunday when she came to finally pick up most of her stuff. Just seeing her was tough. 

I miss having someone to love and having someone love me. I miss coming home to a wife. I miss the partnership and "us against the world" feeling. I miss the closeness we shared. I also miss the smell and touch of a woman. These are just my lonely thoughts tonight. 

I look forward to someday meeting the woman of my dreams again. 

Thanks for reading I just felt like venting a little.


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

I'm going to be feeling the same way soon. I'm not looking forward to it.


----------



## hank_rea (Mar 13, 2013)

The loneliness is by far the worst part for me.


----------



## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Well maybe I do not understand what "love" is because I felt that within the ebb and flow of relationships, my feelings for my WAW were as strong as ever. When she said she was not happy and left R was all I could work towards.

After telling my stbxw that she should see other people if I can not make her happy, I met someone that same day. I was sincere in my desire to R, and sincere that she should see other people. 

I don't know what the point is except maybe, I remember the paralyzing pain and I do not feel that anymore. I encourage everyone to make sure you are ready start dating to the best of your abilities but I do not think I would hurt anyone's feelings here on TAM when I say delaying dating because you want to feel sorry for yourself or because another well-meaning person tells you should wait a year or five is the wrong reason. Whatever the statistics are regarding R, I think it is safer to believe you will not R, rather than torturing yourself thinking getting back with your WS is around the corner. 

There are days I feel tremendous loss with the death of my marriage but what else can I do but look to the future with some sense of optimism that I can be with someone that gives me as much love as they receive. 

Maybe the woman I am with today is that person, I hope so.

I am not sure this is even understandable but it is my two cents on the subject.

Stretch


----------



## SecretTears (Jul 18, 2010)

Good job striker, sounds like you made a lot of progress! 

I too miss the partnership of us against the world but at the same time I am now wondering if the partnership was not one sided all in my head (he chose to cheat and then leave, not much of a partnership). 

You seem to have a lot of introspection and worked hard on yourself. I am sure you will meet a better woman someday that will give you all you are missing now and more .


----------

