# A little impressed...



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Things with my ex-husband are actually going pretty well. I have to admit that I love the fact we can text so there is less actual face time/phone time spent with one another. 

He is still adjusting to being a single parent in some aspects. Our divorce decree said that he would get the kids 3 weekends out of the month. I let him run with it for a bit, but you could see how tired he was. I asked him when his lawyer said 3 weekends if he was sure that he could handle it, he said yes so I backed off. That lasted a month. I offered after a month to go back to every other weekend and maybe him taking the kids to dinner once a week to make up the difference. He seemed happy about it and has been doing great. 

Our oldest is autistic, so he has ABA on Monday and Friday. Every other Friday it is his job to pick him up from school at 1145 and then drop him off at therapy until 3. Kung Fu for the kids starts at 4 and ends at 6. Makes for a long day. He forgot the time last week and picked out oldest up about an hour late. I was there for an IEP meeting, so when I saw him I was confused, thinking he had wanted to be in the meeting. When he said he was there to get our son and take him to ABA, I told him he was an hour late, and then said "hey, it is okay, it happens". 

Things are friendly but we are by no means friends. I think this is going really well and that we are both doing well at putting what the kids need first. A few friends voiced concern that I am being too nice, but I don't see the problem. Is there a problem and I don't see it? As far as his "3 weekends a month" thing is concerned, I have emails to show the change was agreed upon and that he can go back to the old way whenever he wants.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

From what you describe, I do not see an issue. If it works for you, him, and the children then other people should leave it alone.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I think you are doing great! I dont agree with your friend that you are being too nice. There HAS to be cooperation when you are co-parenting. It makes life easier for everyone involved. And getting the weekends changed to every other? That just means more time with your kids!


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

3Xnocharm said:


> I think you are doing great! I dont agree with your friend that you are being too nice. There HAS to be cooperation when you are co-parenting. It makes life easier for everyone involved. And getting the weekends changed to every other? That just means more time with your kids!


I agree. I think I feel guilty sometimes. He literally only gets the kids for about 4 full days a month. But his schedule is so wacky that I don't see a way around that. He and the kids were both miserable when he had them 3 weekends a month. 

I think my friends want me to play the wounded ex wife role and I am just not interested. We are both dating and communicating pretty well. I am glad that I am not crazy though, thanks 3X haha.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

movealong said:


> From what you describe, I do not see an issue. If it works for you, him, and the children then other people should leave it alone.


It does work. If and when it doesn't work for him I am open to revisiting the arrangements so he can have more time. Honestly I just want the kids to have access to both of us and it is just easier if we can be adults and handle things together.


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## RealityBites2 (Sep 12, 2014)

movealong said:


> From what you describe, I do not see an issue. If it works for you, him, and the children then other people should leave it alone.


I totally agree with you here. You have to let the "other people" be other people. These are you children and your ex we are talking about! You might have been divorced but it does not give anyone a licence to go to war over...nothing.

Trust me, enjoy what you have. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Sunganani said:


> I totally agree with you here. You have to let the "other people" be other people. These are you children and your ex we are talking about! You might have been divorced but it does not give anyone a licence to go to war over...nothing.
> 
> Trust me, enjoy what you have. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.


Thanks Sunganani. I am usually pretty relaxed, it has to be something pretty serious for me to want to argue. He signed on for a lot that he couldn't handle at mediation. I questioned it but then gave him his way because I knew it would be short lived. Dropping the kids off at school Monday morning hasn't happened once. Keeping them overnight one night a week hasn't either. But I am doing my best. I don't want to fight and I certainly don't want my kids to hear me critiquing him. He can have them when he likes, just give me a heads up. I think my friends are worried that I am being a pushover. Maybe I am. But the kids are happy.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You share children and have to co-parent. The easier that is, the better it is for all of you. Yes, there will be friends who don't understand how people who are divorced can manage to get along. But it's possible and it's good. 

I get along very well with my ex-husband and his new wife (who was not the cause of the divorce). It just makes life easier for all those family functions we share.

Divorce doesn't have to mean bitterness forever (although I had my share of that).


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Sounds like you guys are moving along nicely, divorce can be amicable.

Ex and I are 5 yrs post divorce and get along great, co parent well together and just do what needs to be done for our kids.
We celebrate events as an all in family including my partner and his kids. The only day we don't all have together is Fathers Day as this is a special one for my kids to be just with their dad.

This Christmas will be an all in event, me, ex, our kids, my partner, his kids and his ex wife plus a few of my immediate family. I am just so glad ex and I put in the effort early on to put the kids needs first and get on with life after divorce. Actually I think we get along better than many married couples and our kids are all doing well


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

it's nice to hear two adults after D compromise and remain nice to the other.

Everyone wants to be nice in dealing with co-parenting but it rarely works out that way.

Being nice and cordial should always be the first option.

I sympathize with those who have to deal with their former spouse

and s/he always initiates drama


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