# Formally separated



## Cindy Lou Boo (Mar 19, 2021)

So I was here 6 months ago thinking about ending my marriage (please see previous thread, I don’t know how to link it here?). Anyway long story short I asked for a divorce. We are separated but in the same house. Feels like nothing has changed. I have wasted years with this guy and I just want to move on but idk how when we are living together and going on as before as we have not been intimate in some time anyway.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Being separated in the same house rarely works unless you have a mansion with separate wings!
When are you going to live apart and divorce?


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Here is your previous thread:









What am I doing?


I met my husband when I was 22 years old, he was basically my first everything kiss, bf, serious relationship. Red flags started popping up a few months when we first got physically together but at that time I was young, naive and I kept putting up with it. Throughout our relationship I was...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Call some lawyers and ask if they offer a free initial consultation. You need to immediately limit your legal responsibility for any additional debt he takes on. Whether that is possible and how depends on where you are at, but it’s very unlikely this informal separation accomplished anything re. financial liabilities.


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## Cindy Lou Boo (Mar 19, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Being separated in the same house rarely works unless you have a mansion with separate wings!
> When are you going to live apart and divorce?


he thinks he should be able to have enough money to move out by April


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## Cindy Lou Boo (Mar 19, 2021)

While I’m somewhat worried about financial responsibility Im not overly concerned as he has been very responsible and paying bills on time etc. I’m planning on meeting with a lawyer next week. I was just hoping that he would move out because so I can feel all the feels so I can start getting my life back. I just feel that although logically I have made this decision, emotionally it has not hit me yet because nothing has changed really and I wanted the emotional part to be over or at least worst of it before the legal stuff.
Now he is making me feel guilty for wanting a divorce and saying things like I won’t ever find anyone else etc and it’s making my resolve in getting this thing weaker. It’s taken me 10 years to say enough is enough. I don’t want to get weaken and then stay in this for another 10 years. Every time I try to set a boundary he becomes pouty. Like I asked him to knock on my bedroom door before coming in that he was upset about that, he picked a movie for date night and I was like o I was just planning on being in my room and he got sad about that.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You asked for a divorce, but he got a movie for date night ....HUH???? And he's telling you it will take him another SIX MONTHS to get enough $$ together to move. Not to mention his childish behavior and telling you you'll never have another decent partner. How old is this clown?

I can only tell you that the law in the state where I filed for divorce required my ex and me to live APART for one year before I could file. One of my friends only had to wait six months to file in her state, but she had to live apart from her husband too.

Living in the same house isn't furthering your goal to divorce. Somebody better move out sooner than April. Seriously.


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## Cindy Lou Boo (Mar 19, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> You asked for a divorce, but he got a movie for date night ....HUH???? And he's telling you it will take him another SIX MONTHS to get enough $$ together to move. Not to mention his childish behavior and telling you you'll never have another decent partner. How old is this clown?
> 
> I can only tell you that the law in the state where I filed for divorce required my ex and me to live APART for one year before I could file. One of my friends only had to wait six months to file in her state, but she had to live apart from her husband too.
> 
> Living in the same house isn't furthering your goal to divorce. Somebody better move out sooner than April. Seriously.


we are in early 30s. I can’t move out because 1) apartment is in my name only 2) I’m the one who needs to live in this town 3) it will be way too much rent for him by himself

I think he is just hurt, he feels I ambushed him with this. I don’t have any bad feelings for him. I don’t want to hurt him more either.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Do you have a legal separation where you are not held liable for any debts he racks up? Have you figured out what he spent that money on?

Don't listen to that nonsense of 'no one else will want you'. That's the play of a pitiful manipulator.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cindy Lou Boo said:


> While I’m somewhat worried about financial responsibility Im not overly concerned as he has been very responsible and paying bills on time etc. I’m planning on meeting with a lawyer next week. I was just hoping that he would move out because so I can feel all the feels so I can start getting my life back. I just feel that although logically I have made this decision, emotionally it has not hit me yet because nothing has changed really and I wanted the emotional part to be over or at least worst of it before the legal stuff.
> Now he is making me feel guilty for wanting a divorce and saying things like I won’t ever find anyone else etc and it’s making my resolve in getting this thing weaker. It’s taken me 10 years to say enough is enough. I don’t want to get weaken and then stay in this for another 10 years. Every time I try to set a boundary he becomes pouty. Like I asked him to knock on my bedroom door before coming in that he was upset about that, he picked a movie for date night and I was like o I was just planning on being in my room and he got sad about that.


Telling you you wont find anyone else is horrible. Don't let him wear you down.
Has he got family he could stay with? Can't he rent a room in a shared place for now?
6 months of him trying to get you to stay is going to be very hard.

Oh and put a lock on your room. Plus no more date nights.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Cindy Lou Boo said:


> it will be way too much rent for him by himself


So tell him to get a roommate. Tell him to move in with friends for the time being. If you want a divorce, you need to quit caving to his poor-pitiful-me tactics.


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