# To the WS who had a EA.



## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

To the WS out there on Tams who had a EA.
What kept it from turnning into a PA?
Was it morals? Did you realise that things were getting out of hand?
Did you want to get to know the AP better? Or would it have happend eventually but the BS found out?
What stopped you from going all the way?
I'm just curious since my wife told the AP she loved him I pretty much know
She could not bring herself to go that far,at least I like to think that.
I have seen WS's "wake up" and stop what they were doing.
Any feed back would be appreciated.
Mrs.Calvin and I are doing pretty well 15 months into R.
I just can't help wonder if it would have went farther.
The thought of that disgust her,as well as me.
So what stopped you from going any further.
BS's, your responses are appreciated as well.
Thanks guys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

I cannot believe that my WH would have refrained from a PA had she made the first move. Especially since I caught him in the beginning stages of an EA. If they don't have enough respect for you to not engage in an EA, what would stop them from a PA if the opportunity presented itself?


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

distraughtfromtexas said:


> I cannot believe that my WH would have refrained from a PA had she made the first move. Especially since I caught him in the beginning stages of an EA. If they don't have enough respect for you to not engage in an EA, what would stop them from a PA if the opportunity presented itself?


I wonder about that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

calvin, why do you you insist on dredging up "what could have been?"

Asking as a friend here:
Do you want to be upset? Because that's all I see coming from this discussion. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Distance....


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

My response may seem... idk...weird? First, I will answer Calvin's questions. Honestly, what kept the EA from going PA with the AP was proximity. I'm in Michigan, he is in Canada, no passports, etc. And yes, I am very ashamed to admit that it was proximity that kept it from going to PA.

However, when presented with the opportunity to have sex with a man who was local, I couldn't do it. He was good looking. I knew him, etc... and yet, it was something I could not do. Not exactly what that says about me, tbh. 

I also know that, had my husband and his AP been able to meet in person (proximity as well... she lives on the west coast of the US), they likely would have had a PA as well.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

Fear of pregnancy. And sex would have cemented it as an affair, rather than a "close friendship."


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

In my mind at the time, if I wasn't crossing the line, I wasn't cheating, yet I knew what I was doing was wrong. Also, I had no desire to do anything sexual. I was nervous about the whole thing as it was. I was no where near wanting anything physical to happen. I didn't even know him very well. I was happy with talking and texting and getting his compliments for my own selfish reasons. The times I met up with him I was so nervous that 5 min later I left. My nerves were all over the place and I was very uncomfortable.. I am Calvin's wife btw.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

I know an EA is cheating, I told him I loved him at times while texting so that he would say it back. It was all about the attention. I since then have learned so much about myself and marriage and how to have a better marriage. I have total regret for ripping my husband's heart out. It was definately not worth it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

old timer said:


> calvin, why do you you insist on dredging up "what could have been?"
> 
> Asking as a friend here:
> Do you want to be upset? Because that's all I see coming from this discussion.
> ...


I rarely start a thread ot,I'm looking for some different answers and perspectives.
That's all.
I am not looking to dredge up pain but sometimes if CSS can't quite communicate a answer for me I look to others
For some advice.
I'll let this thread go on for an hour or so without comment from me then I will
Tie a couple cinder blocks to it and toss it into Lake Michigan.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

Calvin, I've answered this question several times on various threads, so I'll just re-post my latest response here:

I had the opportunity with 2 of the OWs and had no desire to take it there. Sex or even kissing with them was a do-not-cross line in my mind, and I didn't want real relationships with them in the first place. GF thinks that I could have gotten physical in the right situation, but I really don't think so. I felt uncomfortable being alone with the OWs and made sure to avoid that.

P.S. Another reason I could never have had sex with any of them was because I would never risk GF's health/expose her to possible STDs.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

soulpotato said:


> Calvin, I've answered this question several times on various threads, so I'll just re-post my latest response here:
> 
> I had the opportunity with 2 of the OWs and had no desire to take it there. Sex or even kissing with them was a do-not-cross line in my mind, and I didn't want real relationships with them in the first place. GF thinks that I could have gotten physical in the right situation, but I really don't think so. I felt uncomfortable being alone with the OWs and made sure to avoid that.
> 
> P.S. Another reason I could never have had sex with any of them was because I would never risk GF's health/expose her to possible STDs.


Thanks sp,I'm looking for a couple things to ease my mind.
Half an hour more and I get rid of the thread.
It sounds like your morals kicked in,that's glad for me to know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

CantSitStill said:


> I know an EA is cheating, I told him I loved him at times while texting so that he would say it back. It was all about the attention. I since then have learned so much about myself and marriage and how to have a better marriage. I have total regret for ripping my husband's heart out. It was definately not worth it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ditto...... Same goes for me.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

calvin said:


> Thanks sp,I'm looking for a couple things to ease my mind.
> Half an hour more and I get rid of the thread.
> It sounds like your morals kicked in,that's glad for me to know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're welcome.  I wish it had happened before I did all that damage.


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## Zanne (Dec 7, 2012)

calvin said:


> To the WS out there on Tams who had a EA.
> What kept it from turnning into a PA?
> Was it morals? Did you realise that things were getting out of hand?
> Did you want to get to know the AP better? Or would it have happend eventually but the BS found out?
> What stopped you from going all the way?


Well, since you're going to throw this thread out in a bit, I'll give you my feedback. First of all, I didn't know what an EA was until I came to TAM.

Looking back in my marriage of 24 years, I had more than a few EA's and infatuations. More recently, they turned more physical, but I would say that they did not turn into a full PA because of timing and lack of opportunity - BUT, also because of my morals. As others have said, I also knew there was a "line that couldn't be crossed." That line/boundary kept getting pushed though, especially as alcohol became an increasing influence in my bad decision making.

Basically, I didn't feel married since I hated my husband so much and I figured our marriage was done anyway. I know, I didn't think it through. And, I was acting very selfish.


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## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

soulpotato said:


> Calvin, I've answered this question several times on various threads, so I'll just re-post my latest response here:
> 
> I had the opportunity with 2 of the OWs and had no desire to take it there. Sex or even kissing with them was a do-not-cross line in my mind, and I didn't want real relationships with them in the first place. GF thinks that I could have gotten physical in the right situation, but I really don't think so. I felt uncomfortable being alone with the OWs and made sure to avoid that.
> 
> *P.S. Another reason I could never have had sex with any of them was because I would never risk GF's health/expose her to possible STDs.*


*
*

Not for nothing but when I read that line, I could not help but think the following: How very kind of you?! You wanted to spare your GF the risk of any STD, but to heck with what this affair does to her mental well being. That remark just seems so silly and utterly selfish. Why do WS not think of the mental anguish they are inflicting? When WS's have affairs, it is not just the physical ailments that are at risk, the mind games and aftermath are terrible. Then again, maybe it is their own selfishness kicking in again and they are afraid of contracting an STD for them self *first* and the BS secondarily. :scratchhead:


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

brokenhearted118 said:


> [/B]
> 
> Not for nothing but when I read that line, I could not help but think the following: How very kind of you?! You wanted to spare your GF the risk of any STD, but to heck with what this affair does to her mental well being. That remark just seems so silly and utterly selfish. Why do WS not think of the mental anguish they are inflicting? When WS's have affairs, it is not just the physical ailments that are at risk, the mind games and aftermath are terrible. Then again, maybe it is their own selfishness kicking in again and they are afraid of contracting an STD for them self *first* and the BS secondarily. :scratchhead:


Why do you assume I thought I was kind or not selfish? I always had a bias towards worrying about her physical well-being, and the STD thing is something I'm saying in hindsight, not something I consciously thought about THEN because I had no intention of having sexual contact with anyone else. Also, I didn't sit there and think, "Gee, how can I destroy GF's psyche? Oh, I know! I'll have EAs." That was the furthest thing from my mind.

I'm sorry you're suffering, but hating and attacking me isn't going to help you. Besides, you know nothing about me or my life, only that I was a wayward. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

soulpotato said:


> Why do you assume I thought I was kind or not selfish? I always had a bias towards worrying about her physical well-being, and the STD thing is something I'm saying in hindsight, not something I consciously thought about THEN because I had no intention of having sexual contact with anyone else. Also, I didn't sit there and think, "Gee, how can I destroy GF's psyche? Oh, I know! I'll have EAs." That was the furthest thing from my mind.
> 
> I'm sorry you're suffering, but hating and attacking me isn't going to help you. Besides, you know nothing about me or my life, only that I was a wayward.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I get what broken is saying and I understand what you're saying also soul.
The fact that any spouse would take a chance to hurt someone is pretty bad.
Also if they didn't do "it" when they could have tells me something.
Maybe before they got too deep into it they pulled back?
Took stock of themselves?
They should,running to another shows a amount of weakness and a lack of people skills too me.
To not go all they way does when they could have tells me some morals have kicked in.
At least I'd like to think so.
Carry on people,I won't sink this thread just yet.
Be nice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

soulpotato said:


> Why do you assume I thought I was kind or not selfish? I always had a bias towards worrying about her physical well-being, and the STD thing is something I'm saying in hindsight, not something I consciously thought about THEN because I had no intention of having sexual contact with anyone else. Also, I didn't sit there and think, "Gee, how can I destroy GF's psyche? Oh, I know! I'll have EAs." That was the furthest thing from my mind.
> 
> I'm sorry you're suffering, but hating and attacking me isn't going to help you. Besides, you know nothing about me or my life, only that I was a wayward.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Soul,

I absolutely was not attacking or hating on you at all. If you took it that way, it is your issue and your guilt of being a cheater kicking in. I was simply stating that your remark about not wanting to bring home an STD is ironic. You were so careful to engage in an EA and not go physical due to sparing your partner from STD's. 

The last time I checked, I have not met one person who was not physically affected by their wayward. To say that you had her physical well being as a concern is quite hypocritical. Her physical well being is tied to her emotional well being. You cheated on your partner. How is that being considerate of their well being? It is not, it is just delusional and justifying your behavior.

Lastly, you are correct I do NOT know you and from what I do know about you thus far...I wouldn't want to!


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

calvin said:


> I get what broken is saying and I understand what you're saying also soul.
> The fact that any spouse would take a chance to hurt someone is pretty bad.


I never intentionally hurt GF, but obviously I did so on a grand scale. People might not believe that I didn't deliberately betray and hurt her, but it's the truth.



calvin said:


> Also if they didn't do "it" when they could have tells me something.
> Maybe before they got too deep into it they pulled back?
> Took stock of themselves?


I just knew that that was somewhere I didn't want to go.



calvin said:


> They should,running to another shows a amount of weakness and a lack of people skills too me.


You are definitely right. I have some large flaws, and a boatload of psychological issues. I have always had difficulty communicating and tolerating emotional discomfort. I am good at superficial connections, but intimacy is where I break down and start to exhibit my worst dysfunction. As I've said before, I think most waywards are broken in some way. I don't think normal, healthy people in our society would cheat on their partners/spouses. I'm not saying that that exempts anyone for responsibility for their actions, it's just the way I have come to understand things.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

brokenhearted118 said:


> Soul,
> 
> I absolutely was not attacking or hating on you at all. If you took it that way, it is your issue and your guilt of being a cheater kicking in. I was simply stating that your remark about not wanting to bring home an STD is ironic. You were so careful to engage in an EA and not go physical due to sparing your partner from STD's.


No, it's your unwarranted aggression and hostility. You are not the person I betrayed. My guilt and shame is centered around GF and how I affected her, not random people like you. I did not deliberately engage in EAs, like I said. And again, the STD thought is hindsight knowledge because a physical boundary is clear to me, and I felt strong resistance to crossing that.



brokenhearted118 said:


> The last time I checked, I have not met one person who was not physically affected by their wayward. To say that you had her physical well being as a concern is quite hypocritical. Her physical well being is tied to her emotional well being. You cheated on your partner. How is that being considerate of their well being? It is not, it is just delusional and justifying your behavior.


I meant her physical well-being in the broadest sense. If she was sick, I would take care of her. If someone tried to attack her, I would jump in to defend her. That kind of thing. I understand now that of course the pain and distress affected her physically, but back then I didn't even realize what I was doing to her emotionally, let alone the physical ramifications of those feelings. I am not trying to justify anything. Again, you are just being aggressive to no point.



brokenhearted118 said:


> Lastly, you are correct I do NOT know you and from what I do know about you thus far...I wouldn't want to!


I'm glad I don't know you, either. If you want to start mudslinging...


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## Lebanon Levi (Mar 29, 2013)

calvin said:


> I get what broken is saying and I understand what you're saying also soul.
> The fact that any spouse would take a chance to hurt someone is pretty bad.
> Also if they didn't do "it" when they could have tells me something.
> Maybe before they got too deep into it they pulled back?
> ...


How can anyone know for certain that an EA didn't go PA? I just don't know how one could confirm that with any degree of certainty. I'm not assuming they all do, but can anyone ever know for sure, especially if they last more than a few weeks? When "I love you's " are shared? I for one would need some pretty compelling proof to feel comfortable it didn't turn physical. Sucks any way you lay it out...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Lebanon Levi said:


> How can anyone know for certain that an EA didn't go PA? I just don't know how one could confirm that with any degree of certainty. I'm not assuming they all do, but can anyone ever know for sure, especially if they last more than a few weeks? When "I love you's " are shared? I for one would need some pretty compelling proof to feel comfortable it didn't turn physical. Sucks any way you lay it out...


I'd say it'd be pretty easy to confirm if you have no money to spend on travel, and they are over 1000 miles apart. Fairly easy to verify under those circumstances.


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## Lebanon Levi (Mar 29, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> I'd say it'd be pretty easy to confirm if you have no money to spend on travel, and they are over 1000 miles apart. Fairly easy to verify under those circumstances.


Well, that those are the exact circumstances that existed in my case when the EA went PA. What about when its a co-worker, friend, etc..?


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Lebanon Levi said:


> How can anyone know for certain that an EA didn't go PA? I just don't know how one could confirm that with any degree of certainty. I'm not assuming they all do, but can anyone ever know for sure, especially if they last more than a few weeks? When "I love you's " are shared? I for one would need some pretty compelling proof to feel comfortable it didn't turn physical. Sucks any way you lay it out...


I get what you're saying.
How can you be sure?
A PI helps but just like you relied on your gut instinct when you knew something was wrong
It also applies to this.
Many variables but how many questions has the BS asked? Are they repeated over a period of time?
How are the questions answered every time? A month later,six,a year later?
How good is the BS at reading people? How good is the WS at lying?
I can say with certainty that my wife did'nt go that far.
I know her like no other and I'm not stupid,I knew something was up.
I dragged it out of her,guess you could say it was a half assed confession.
If you have too many doubts or answers change then you know the answer.
It does'nt take a cop with a lie dectecor to figure out the truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Lebanon Levi said:


> Well, that those are the exact circumstances that existed in my case when the EA went PA. What about when its a co-worker, friend, etc..?


When they see each other fairly regularly... there really is no way to verify. Under those circumstances, you either believe it or not. But, even when you accept it, I think for awhile, at least, you would still wonder...


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

So you're a fan of the Amish Mafia Levi? It is a really good show.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

I'd rather do a lie detector than him always doubting or wondering.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lebanon Levi (Mar 29, 2013)

CantSitStill said:


> So you're a fan of the Amish Mafia Levi? It is a really good show.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha. I hate to admit it, but it's just so damn entertaining. (and fake, I know)


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Lebanon Levi said:


> Ha. I hate to admit it, but it's just so damn entertaining. (and fake, I know)


Yeah,I watch it sometimes also.
CSS doesn't miss it.
Give me the Walking Dead.
Everyone has their lie detector in their head,after a lot of comparisons and questions
If you have half a brain you'll know you are being lied too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CantSitStill said:


> I'd rather do a lie detector than him always doubting or wondering.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can't say as I blame ya there, CSS. If the choices are lie detector or him doubting or wondering, I'd do the lie detector, too. But really, what I meant was that he'd wonder for awhile, until he was satisfied he had all the answers to his questions. And,a s Calvin said, too many doubts and changing answers will definitely give you your answers.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

I'm not sure it's all fake but yes it is a good entertaining show, I don't get how Ester and some of them get away with having their faces on camera. Also she said she had a couple kids? Does she have them with her? How could she keep that from Levi? That show has gotten so outa hand, I wonder if it will have another season.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

How does she hide her kids? Or did she get them taken away?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lebanon Levi (Mar 29, 2013)

CantSitStill said:


> How does she hide her kids? Or did she get them taken away?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not sure about the kids. I think you are right, it's not all fake. I did hear it was picked-up for another season. Coming from a part of the country where the real Mafia resides, this is pretty entertaining stuff.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

calvin said:


> To the WS out there on Tams who had a EA.
> What kept it from turnning into a PA?
> Was it morals? Did you realise that things were getting out of hand?
> Did you want to get to know the AP better? Or would it have happend eventually but the BS found out?
> ...


Well, I can answer this question.

I was seconds away from changing my EA into a PA with unprotected sex, when I suddenly saw a vision of my wife and I thought: "Oh, God! What am I doing?!"

And the fog was blasted away in seconds.

And the EA/near PA was 100% over in that instant.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Can't say as I blame ya there, CSS. If the choices are lie detector or him doubting or wondering, I'd do the lie detector, too. But really, what I meant was that he'd wonder for awhile, until he was satisfied he had all the answers to his questions. And,a s Calvin said, too many doubts and changing answers will definitely give you your answers.


Yep Maricha,I can really say I have the truth.
Even the TT only lasted a day or two.
The fog went on for another month,she actually told me "maybe he's a nice guy"
Once I pulled his prison records and all the liens on his pathetic paycheck did she see some of the light.
She also read his text and what he said about her,totally false.
It kinda bugs the hell out of me that sometimes a BS has to do all this crap to prove to your spouse
That you were going to be used and hurt big time.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have let it all run its course.
The bad thing is that she would have been in for a lot of pain,maybe worse.
That and .....I had to do something.
Putting up with his years worth of text and calls too me is not something I imagined though.
Ok,I'm jacking my own thread here.
I honestly believe that it did'nt go all the way because my wife really is a good person who fvcked up.
She did say that she thought down the road he might be a lover.
That hurts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Well, I can answer this question.
> 
> I was seconds away from changing my EA into a PA with unprotected sex, when I suddenly saw a vision of my wife and I thought: "Oh, God! What am I doing?!"
> 
> ...


You knew not to cross that line M&M.
Morals and self control finally kicked in when you knew there was no tuurning back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

calvin said:


> You knew not to cross that line M&M.
> Morals and self control finally kicked in when you knew there was no tuurning back.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But she shouldn't have been in my bed, Calvin.

I did wrong. And I confessed everything to my wife.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> But she shouldn't have been in my bed, Calvin.
> 
> I did wrong. And I confessed everything to my wife.


Yes you did,that takes balls and it shows you have character.
You could have been quiet about it.
You did'nt. You told her the truth.
Then you worked on yourself and your marriage.
Too me once it goes physical,I just could not R.
I respect those who have or are doing R.
As long as both are open,honest and see what they have done.
I secretly have a few heros on here who are in R.
Gives me hope.
It does me good to see couples who have found a way to reconnect and find one another again.
Good night,have to be up in six hours.
I'll just leave the thread open,hell with it.
Good luck all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lebanon Levi (Mar 29, 2013)

Calvin, I wish I could tell you my gut tipped-me off, but it didn't. The OM's wife contacted me to tell me, and it was like the ol' punch in the midsection. I had no clue, as we really weren't having huge issues at the time. It really staggered me. Once all the dust settled, I could see that my marriage wasn't really as strong as I thought it was. I may have sensed her unhappiness, but never would have thought I was being replaced. I thought it had more to do with the "other" issues like money, kids, etc... I certainly did not think the marriage couldn't be saved, quite the opposite. (when it was an EA only) Then she took it underground and it quickly escalated to a PA. 

The OM in my life is not much different than the one in yours. One difference between us is that you have someone that appears to be very remorseful and is more than willing to do the heavy lifting required to repair the marriage. That is something that shouldn't be minimized in your R. (I'm not implying that you are minimizing it) You have an edge that most of us don't have the luxury of experiencing.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Lebanon Levi said:


> One difference between us is that you have someone that appears to be very remorseful and is more than willing to do the heavy lifting required to repair the marriage. That is something that shouldn't be minimized in your R. (I'm not implying that you are minimizing it) You have an edge that most of us don't have the luxury of experiencing.


OT applauds...

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Calvin~

Not sure if you know my story, but OM lived in the state right below mine...a couple hundred miles away. The affair was entirely over the internet, but the day that the light broke through, I was going to get on the train to go be with him. Up to that point, some part of me justified it, ignored what I KNEW was wrong, minimized....you name it. 

But there, at the train station, my Dear Hubby came chasing after me and then sat and cried with his head in his hands, and just like MattMatt, it was like being struck my lightening. I couldn't do it. Not like "I was afraid" but more like "I just can not do this to another human being!" I can't honestly say that all the fog blew away that day, but a big bunch of it burned off!! 

My conscience had been screaming at me for QUITE a long time, and I just finally could not drown it out.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

If you have any conscious, you can rationalize a 'friendship', it is much harder to rationalize a penis in a vagina.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

JCD said:


> If you have any conscious, you can rationalize a 'friendship', it is much harder to rationalize a penis in a vagina.


True. I tend to avoid attractive women at work if I can help it because, unfortunately for some of us, conscience goes right out the window when we're faced with an attractive pair of boobs and endless legs. I like pert noses too


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

brokenhearted118 said:


> Soul,
> 
> I absolutely was not attacking or hating on you at all. If you took it that way, it is your issue and your guilt of being a cheater kicking in. I was simply stating that your remark about not wanting to bring home an STD is ironic. You were so careful to engage in an EA and not go physical due to sparing your partner from STD's.
> 
> ...


This is one of the big differences between men and women. A lot of women like knowing that they can get attention and resources and without even having to "put out" for it. 

So it might be doubly insulting for a partner to have watch their male consort hang out with another woman, do favors for her and pay for her entertainment and possibly more and then come home and treat the regular female partner like the housekeeper / the best buddy when they go out and go dutch / and like the FWB because she "puts out" and the EA doesn't.

It might actually be with all these EAs, if the guy did push for full on sex, a lot of these women would cut off their relationships with these men.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

old timer said:


> OT applauds...
> 
> .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I applaud also,CSS is doing a lot to repair us,she told friends and people at church what she did without any proding from me.
There was not even any sexting.I know if she would have offered to take it physical the POS
Would have jumped at the chance.
Some of the answers I have gotten from you guys has been comforting too me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

What kept it from turning into a PA?
Was it morals? Did you realise that things were getting out of hand?
Did you want to get to know the AP better? Or would it have happend eventually but the BS found out?
What stopped you from going all the way?

It was distance. We were over 1000 miles apart. Things weren't getting out of hand in the sense of getting to the point where the EA could have turned into PA. I never wanted to meet the guy. It would have interfered with my life and family. I didn't see myself sneaking around behind my husband's back physically. I didn't want to be in a physical relationship with anyone other than my husband. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I also knew that there's no way I would let another man touch me and I didn't want to touch another man either, eww. I know I wouldn't have done "THAT". In my mind, at the time, a PA was more wrong than a EA. 

There were times during the EA where I was growing tired of the OM. I didn't care for all the whining how his siblings were unfair to him and him not getting along with his father, everyone treating him badly, whine, whine, whine. I sometimes ended the chats using an excuse just to get away and not having to listen to the self pity fest. I knew the EA was coming to a point where it had run its course and when my husband found out, I was glad. No problem writing the NC letter! I didn't care much for the OM as a person. I didn't find him attractive and I most certainly wasn't in love with him. Yuck!


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

CantSitStill said:


> In my mind at the time, if I wasn't crossing the line, I wasn't cheating, yet I knew what I was doing was wrong. Also, I had no desire to do anything sexual. I was nervous about the whole thing as it was. I was no where near wanting anything physical to happen. I didn't even know him very well. I was happy with talking and texting and getting his compliments for my own selfish reasons. The times I met up with him I was so nervous that 5 min later I left. My nerves were all over the place and I was very uncomfortable.. I am Calvin's wife btw.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What a shame my WS didn't have the same attitude. But she only did the tango with him because she thought he "deserved it" (still pushes this barrow) after being so nice to her. Yes, you read correctly.

Don't beat yourself up fella, I'm doing enough for everyone on TAM


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