# How to just "get over" it?



## aqua123 (Feb 3, 2012)

Each day that passes brings new realizations about my new life...a life imposed upon me without my input. My WH left me pregnant with a 3 year old and I'm supposed to pick myself up, dust myself off, and move on? 

His life is going great....new girlfriend, new phone, new truck, promotion at work. All while I cry myself to sleep every night and BEG God to heal my heart. I don't want to love him anymore. I don't want to miss him anymore. I don't want it to hurt when I see him anymore. I don't want to have panic attacks every time I see him. 

How do you TRULY move on? Not just a front that you put on but truly being able to move forward?


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Start by doing things for yourself
Get out with friends when possible
Get you hair done since new clothes aren't best option while preggers
Start a project at the house
Pack his leftover stuff up and get it out of the way
Etc


----------



## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

There is no pill you can take. It's going to take some time. Believe me, a couple of years from now the feeling you now have will be a distant memory. In the meantime, think about what a bastard he is, what a mistake you made ever getting involved with him, and as bad as it is, about how your fortunate that you found out about what kind of jerk you married before you spent any more of your life. I hope youre holding his feet well into the fire on child support and alimony.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Feelings follow actions.

Find things to do that aren't about him. Get involved in something you enjoy. Meet new people. Go out with friends. Do fun stuff with your child(ren). Be busy. At some point, you will look around at your full, happy life and realize that you no longer think about him all that much. You will have moved on.

It's okay to grieve the loss of your marriage and the future you thought you had, but don't let yourself be sucked into doing it all the time. Set aside time to feel the loss. Make even more time to take good care of yourself and build a great life for yourself. Is the man your husband is today really someone who's worth your time?

If nothing else is working, you may find that some professional guidance from a therapist is helpful in getting you moving in the right direction.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's cliche as hell but time is the only thing that is going to help. 

Get up each day, do your thing and keep moving on.

You will come out better on the other side.

Dont' dwell on his life and what's going on with him. Focuson your pregnancy and file for child support at minimum (and divorce if you haven't done that already).

You deserve better than a man who would walk out on your and your child and all while you're pregnant.

You know that. 

You are better off.


----------



## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

He may seem happy, but it won't take long before he's moving on again. Feel sorry for him for being such a loser (u may be on your own but he will truly be on his own in years to come. Either that or with someone as much of a screwed up loser as himself...=not a happy future. Happy and decent people don't do those kind of things to others. He is not happy. And will leave a trail of disaster wherever he goes.), and feel sorry for her who is stuck with one. You know what she has in store. She does not. And follow the above advice...do things for yourself. Best way is to get out and meet new people. Do a college course (if there is any way u can in your current situation. If not, plan one), that is a great way to meet new people and gain confidence.


----------



## jectruc (Apr 11, 2012)

Remains said:


> He may seem happy, but it won't take long before he's moving on again. Feel sorry for him for being such a loser (u may be on your own but he will truly be on his own in years to come. Either that or with someone as much of a screwed up loser as himself...=not a happy future. Happy and decent people don't do those kind of things to others. He is not happy. And will leave a trail of disaster wherever he goes.), and feel sorry for her who is stuck with one. You know what she has in store. She does not.


Focusing on him is not the answer. Hoping he will fail and his current girlfriend is miserable so she can be happy is not the answer.


----------



## aqua123 (Feb 3, 2012)

I have been focusing on fixing up the new baby's nursery and getting everything ready for her arrival. I've been spending lots of time with my daughter, my family and friends, attending church like I always did. 

Regardless of keeping busy physically, mentally and emotionally I can't seem to keep my thoughts from creeping up on me and dragging me down. Seeing him is the worst and unfortunately, there's no way to avoid it. I have to find a way to be at peace with it somehow. 

I think my biggest problem is just actually ACCEPTING that he's not coming back and this is my new reality. I know it in my mind, but since I can't turn the love off I guess I'm just having a hard time getting my heart to come to terms too.


----------



## jectruc (Apr 11, 2012)

aqua123 said:


> I think my biggest problem is just actually ACCEPTING that he's not coming back and this is my new reality. I know it in my mind, but since I can't turn the love off I guess I'm just having a hard time getting my heart to come to terms too.


Look up stages of grief. Specifically the denial stage.

It's normal.

But after a time it's counterproductive.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Think really hard about whether you love him. _As he is, right this minute_. Is he someone, that if you met him today knowing everything he'd done to his wife and chilren, that you would love? Or is the idea of who he was before he revealed himself to be such an ass what you're holding on to?

Because the man you loved, the man you thought your husband was, is gone. Gone and not coming back. And you didn't lose him, he actively _chose_ to go. 

Think on that a lot and let it make you mad. You should be mad. Anger is another of the stages of grief, and it can help you to move on if you let it. Use that anger to fuel personal growth, forward motion, better self-esteem. 

Again, _is the man your husband is today really worth your time_?


----------

