# Hard to do - not sure if I can



## saddomaddo (Feb 1, 2009)

Its getting to that point....

Married 20 years. 2 kids. One only 3. Its so sad. We used to get on so well.

Now, sex life is zero. We argue all the time. Wife is never wrong. Some of the things she comes up with are just nuts. I look at her some days and just dont even like her. 

And lets not even go there with her issues with her violent temper - shes on her last warning for that one. Throwing things at me, not unknown to hit out. All my fault because "I wind her up"

Anyway, it worries me that I have so much to lose....

1. The kids. They'd be so upset.

2. Seeing the kids. I know she'd be a right ***** and do her best to not let me see them at all. I'd have to go throught the courts.

3. Money. Same here. She;d screw every penny.

So much to lose here. I just dont want to end up working my nuts off, her keeping the house, me having no money and having to live in **** hole on my own. And never ever seeing my own kids.

I've had depression/anxiety problems in the past. Something like this would probably tip me over the edge and finish me to be honest.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Stop creating multiple threads, you're making yourself look incompetent and people will wonder if the issue is really you. 

You sound depressed/miserable, at the end of your ropes. Are you seeing a doctor? Are you on meds? If not, get into therapy and get on meds. You need it.

I'd divorce her. Sure I know it's hard. I had a 4 and 5 year old. How could I turn their world upside down? 10 months after leaving and 3 months of being divorced, it was well worth it. Having sex with a person you actually love and who loves you back is a great thing. I'll never put up with an abusive/miserable/worthless relationship again. Life is too short. 

FYI, I was in a 100% sexless marriage for the lats 4.5 years of my 8 year marriage. She was abusive, would throw stuff, hit me, and yell at me in front of kids and family. I read No More Mr. Nice Guy and left the witch 3 weeks later. I'll be damn sure my kids get to see what a true loving relationship looks like. You can do it!


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

If you're not willing to change the situation then you need to accept the situation. Has she always been this way or has it been escalating? Has she told you what her issues with you are? I hear you complain a lot about her but what would she say about you? Give us the complete story.


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## saddomaddo (Feb 1, 2009)

GuyInColorado said:


> Stop creating multiple threads, you're making yourself look incompetent and people will wonder if the issue is really you.
> 
> You sound depressed/miserable, at the end of your ropes. Are you seeing a doctor? Are you on meds? If not, get into therapy and get on meds. You need it.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the advice.

I get you with the multiple threads thing. Im just in a bit of state right now.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Are you in therapy and have you consulted with any lawyers yet?

If you can documente her outburst and abuse via text, voicemail, email or whatever, you can probably use that against her. Hence the consultation with a lawyer and if she is violent around the children, being abusive, a children's psychologist is beneficial when it comes to custody.

Remember to keep a mask in her presence and hide all your activities to protect yourself. She is abusive and if it comes down to leaving and losing a lot, it may have to be the road you may have to take. If at least one parent can come out healthy, your children have better chance of being healthy, which you should take into consideration. Her behavior is toxic to you and the children and it will affect their mental and emotional development.


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## saddomaddo (Feb 1, 2009)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> If you're not willing to change the situation then you need to accept the situation. Has she always been this way or has it been escalating? Has she told you what her issues with you are? I hear you complain a lot about her but what would she say about you? Give us the complete story.


To a certain I guess shes always been like this. PErhaps a little worse these days. Or maybe I'm less tolerant who knows.

What would she say about me? Probably that I keep going on about the same things, nag her a lot, and wont let things go.

Which is probably fair. The money thing. If I say look I think you need to calm down on your spending, then I don't expect her to say yes ok just to shut me up then do the same thing next day again. If shes got an issue or disagrees first time then lets discuss it. Dont bull**** me and carry on as before.

And yes I wont let things go. She gets away with murder with me. I'll let slide a LOT. She wont ever. So when it does all kcik off then har luck honey you're hearing what I think now.

Perhaps it is me to a certain extent though. I let things get to me. I stress about arguments way too much. Im already thing jeez what do I do if shes not talking to me tomorrow.


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## saddomaddo (Feb 1, 2009)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Are you in therapy and have you consulted with any lawyers yet?
> 
> If you can documente her outburst and abuse via text, voicemail, email or whatever, you can probably use that against her. Hence the consultation with a lawyer and if she is violent around the children, being abusive, a children's psychologist is beneficial when it comes to custody.
> 
> Remember to keep a mask in her presence and hide all your activities to protect yourself. She is abusive and if it comes down to leaving and losing a lot, it may have to be the road you may have to take. If at least one parent can come out healthy, your children have better chance of being healthy, which you should take into consideration. Her behavior is toxic to you and the children and it will affect their mental and emotional development.


Not started any processed yet.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

You need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy. If you fix your own issues, then maybe she'll fix hers.

You can print it off from this site:

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

saddomaddo said:


> Now, sex life is zero. We argue all the time. Wife is never wrong. Some of the things she comes up with are just nuts. I look at her some days and just dont even like her.


Now you know why marriage is a failed concept. 



saddomaddo said:


> Anyway, it worries me that I have so much to lose....
> 
> 1. The kids. They'd be so upset.
> 
> ...


Well, your fears are reasonable. Good chance you'll get limited access to your children, if your wife wants to throw a wrench in the relationship you have with your kids she could do a lot of damage. 

As far as finances go, she'll get about half of everything you own, she won't get all of it, but she just might get the house and you'll have to find a way to support yourself while most of your take home income is going to her for support. That's what friends and relatives are for. 



saddomaddo said:


> So much to lose here. I just dont want to end up working my nuts off, her keeping the house, me having no money and having to live in **** hole on my own. And never ever seeing my own kids.


That's a fairly accurate summary of what lots of guys go through when they divorce. You'll be part of a special club that nobody wants to join.

Good thing it's not a lifetime membership. 



saddomaddo said:


> I've had depression/anxiety problems in the past. Something like this would probably tip me over the edge and finish me to be honest.


Think positive


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## saddomaddo (Feb 1, 2009)

Not exactly painting it all in a good light.....


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Just remember as bad as it's going to be it's not forever.

My kids were 14 and 10 when I divorced 11 years ago. I was paying through the nose, thousands per month. The alimony stopped a few years ago, and I'm just about done with the child support, then I'm once again a free man.

It's a tough ride and I thought I'd never get through it either but you find a way.

You have to. Maybe you'll start dating again, find a new woman who has her own house and move in with her or something. I know it sounds like a long shot but you never know.


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## saddomaddo (Feb 1, 2009)

Yosemite said:


> Just remember as bad as it's going to be it's not forever.
> 
> My kids were 14 and 10 when I divorced 11 years ago. I was paying through the nose, thousands per month. The alimony stopped a few years ago, and I'm just about done with the child support, then I'm once again a free man.
> 
> ...


Cheers. Just don't know at this moment in my life if I can do it. :-(


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

saddomaddo said:


> Cheers. Just don't know at this moment in my life if I can do it. :-(


You're at a crossroads my friend.

You can roll over and just give up or you can stand up and fight.

It's not a decision you need to make this very second but the longer you go down the path of least resistance, the harder it's going to be to get back on track. I speak from experience on this one. I too was emotionally clobbered but somewhere around round 3 I stood up and licked my wounds and got in the ring and stayed there until it was all over and the dust settled.

I guarantee you one thing: You are seeing this as much worse than it actually is.

It's bad, no question but it's not THAT bad.


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## saddomaddo (Feb 1, 2009)

Yosemite said:


> saddomaddo said:
> 
> 
> > Cheers. Just don't know at this moment in my life if I can do it. :-(
> ...


Yes I guess. Appreciate your comments.

What's not that bad? My situation u mean?

I do tend to see things worse I will admit. Maybe part of issues I have.


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

It's not that bad in that there are options that you have yet to consider.

The anxiety and depression makes it appear that you are trapped in a hole and there's no way to get out of it.

It's impossible to see anything positive about the situation. If I was to tell you that this is just the first step in the beginning of what will ultimately be a new and better life you'd shake your head and say "no way my life is over" but 10 years from now you'll look back at this time and say to yourself "what was I thinking".


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Don't let Yosemite scare you too much, not every divorce ends up being a major screw-job. You have to be smart about things and get a good attorney. You are going to have to stand up for yourself and your kids. If she is violent, make sure you start documenting all of her episodes, and try to go for custody of your kids. The court should not allow them to be where they are in danger. 

Time to grow some balls, dude. Don't roll over and take this sh!t...make a plan, keep it to yourself, and move forward.


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