# Nobody is forced to cheat. Nobody.



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Yes, a relationship can have problems but nobody is forced to cheat. And I have experience on both sides of the fence, as it were.

Talk to each other. Get counselling. But please, do not cheat.


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## mtn.lioness (Oct 29, 2013)

I agree. Its a decision.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

mtn.lioness said:


> I agree. Its a decision.


Yes. Or a series of bad decisions where you end up thinking:* Now* :wtf: have I done?


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## disconnected (May 30, 2013)

"Too late" for my WH. "I never saw it coming" because he was so secretive. Even though I had vibes that something wasn't right, I was sent into shock when I discovered his 'deep friendship' for OW. Actually, it is one year ago today that I sensed something wasn't right, but told myself not to be so silly, that I was imagining things. On Sat 15 Dec 2012 I managed to get into some "electronic text" ... at that time I was reeling from what I discovered.

3 months later we went to individual counselling sessions ... I wanted desperately to save the marriage ... he used the counselling sessions as a way of distancing himself further away from me (and closer to OW). His view of the counselling was that it justified separation ... that we should always treasure the 41 years that we had together, but that the marriage was now a sinking ship and that OW was a lifeboat (waiting a short distance away to rescue him). (My lifeboat apparently was my kids ... ??) (But at that time all I wanted was for him to come back to me and try to 'salvage the sinking ship' ie our marriage ... but he would have none of it). 

Fast forward to now ... I am waiting to hear if he has lost his job. It's a long process, but it is possible that Head Office will take action either way before Christmas. 

This is probably not related to this thread, so I hope it is ok to add this comment here. I have HUGE issues with OWs everywhere!! (maybe not with OWs who don't know that AP is married ...). THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE for OWs who are aware that AP is married. It doesn't matter to me at all if an OW (or OM) is single, there is no justification whatsoever for an affair with a MM or MW. NONE!! KEEP OUT of other people's marriages. You don't know the full story ... ever!!

(thanks for listening ...)


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Yes, a relationship can have problems but nobody is forced to cheat. And I have experience on both sides of the fence, as it were.
> 
> Talk to each other. Get counselling. But please, do not cheat.


Wait .... you mean my STBXH is incorrect when he states that I drove him to do it and it's all my fault... hmmmm interesting


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

disconnected said:


> "Too late" for my WH. "I never saw it coming" because he was so secretive. Even though I had vibes that something wasn't right, I was sent into shock when I discovered his 'deep friendship' for OW. Actually, it is one year ago today that I sensed something wasn't right, but told myself not to be so silly, that I was imagining things. On Sat 15 Dec 2012 I managed to get into some "electronic text" ... at that time I was reeling from what I discovered.
> 
> 3 months later we went to individual counselling sessions ... I wanted desperately to save the marriage ... he used the counselling sessions as a way of distancing himself further away from me (and closer to OW). His view of the counselling was that it justified separation ... that we should always treasure the 41 years that we had together, but that the marriage was now a sinking ship and that OW was a lifeboat (waiting a short distance away to rescue him). (My lifeboat apparently was my kids ... ??) (But at that time all I wanted was for him to come back to me and try to 'salvage the sinking ship' ie our marriage ... but he would have none of it).
> 
> ...


So true, and yet they do it anyway. Don't worry, this will come back to bite her in the ass. OW aren't getting a prize, they're getting a lying cheater, LOL. The WS will rain down their crazy on the OW all in due time and she'll get what she deserves. These people don't usually change, they didn't all of a sudden inherit a new compass of morality now that they are with their twu luvs. Nope, they're still douches.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

Yes - after my wife left me - my mother kept saying "do not worry - he got what you lost" and I thought that was obvious but she meant "he got a cheating person who connives "......it turned me around.....I realize the sense of loss was just ego....


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Yes, a relationship can have problems but nobody is forced to cheat. And I have experience on both sides of the fence, as it were.
> 
> Talk to each other. Get counselling. *Or get a divorce.* But please, do not cheat.


Here fixed that for you.

Because we've all known that couple: where we hear about how Missy cheated and everyone nodded their head and said to one another that they saw, if not that SOMETHING coming...because Biff was an a-hole.

So yes, there is no excuse to cheat, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't leave a crappy partner.

Of course, no one here is or was a crappy partner.


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## disconnected (May 30, 2013)

JCD said:


> Of course, no one here is or was a crappy partner.


What does that comment mean?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

disconnected said:


> What does that comment mean?


It means I am avoiding disparaging anyone here while holding to the principle.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

I was not a crappy partner, but after learning alpha/beta stuff, I found out I was a crappy attractant.

After 19 years of my being happy and comfortable, I got soft, literally and figuratively. Took "us" for granted. Gained weight. Lost my edge. Bought Hawaiian shirts. LOL

Although the A was entirely of my wife's doing, laying the groundwork to grow increasingly unattractive to her was entirely on me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Who said anyone is "forced" to cheat?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

My EX cheated because she was an attention loving ...

I had to work, travel, and I took the kids to 80% of their stuff... If she had been a better mother and put in her fair share of time helping out with the family then maybe she wouldn't have had so much free time to fornicate with other guys...

It all seems so selfish... It is funny. She got everything she asked for and NONE of what she wanted.

There is NEVER an excuse to cheat, unless of course you are the cheater then I guess anyone you can come up with will do just fine.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

disconnected said:


> You don't know the full story ... ever!!


I know a couple that are still together after 15yrs, the wife ran off with the brother, the brother knew everything he lived in the same house!!! 

Nothing more to add.

Apart from cheating is wrong and it solves nothing only making more problems.


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