# Do I stay or do I go?



## Asanta (Dec 14, 2015)

Hi All,

New to this site and this is my first time dealing with infidelity like this. I'm really looking for examples of people working through these types of situations or if I should really be even thinking of working it out. Every other time I've been cheated on I've left with out question but this time is completely different for me.

*Long long post*

I found out a week ago my girlfriend (25 yrs old) of a year had cheated on me (I'm 26). She had met someone while walking at a park near our house around late November and they started talking about their troubled relationships... a few times meeting up and they got a hotel room together early December and the dead was done...

She tried to break up with me a few days after the hotel room. At the time i didn't know about her cheating. After a few days of space we talked and realized some major issues in our relationship and agreed to work on them. A lot of crying ensued on her part (she realized she had made a huge mistake).. The following morning the guy she had relations with messaged me on Facebook (lovely), telling me about the infidelity and how sorry he was (he is married as well...). Of course I lost it and freaked out. I said some horrible things and left. It's been a little over a week of staying at my friends and we've talked a few times. I didn't want to make a rash decision so I left to clear my mind to look at the situation as a whole. She seems very remorseful, telling me all the details, and saying she's willing to do anything it takes to gain my trust again and make our relationship stronger then it ever was. She even met with the married guys sister to explain the situation to her and give closure to her hurt sister-in-law (the other guys wife).

We had amazing relationship before this mess. We both had amazing careers and pushed each other to excel. We have a lot of the same hobbies and love sharing them with each other. We live together seamlessly and really truly saw a bright future with each other, always talking about marriage and kids.

Back in July I was let go from my job and that put a huge strain on our relationship. I had been laid off a year before as well and to be put in that situation twice before the age of 30 really put me down in the dumps. I was in the lowest point of my life from October to now, not hearing much from prospective employers and took it out on my lovely girlfriend. I stop putting effort into our relationship and stopped appreciating her. I didn't treat her well at all but I couldn't see that, all i could think about was paying our bills with what little money I got from unemployment. After a few months of this she said she couldn't take it anymore. She didn't go looking for someone, she just happened to meet someone feeling similar while watching the sunset at the beach a block from our house one day . She put a band aid on a her problems with out really sitting me down and discussing them with me. I'm not condoning what she did but I definitely know it didn't come out of nowhere and I played a part in it. She made a poor choice. I truly believe everyone is human and makes mistakes.

Again she seems very true, honest and remorseful. She wants to enroll in therapy after the holidays and is willing to do anything it takes to build a stronger relationship then we had before. We both know exactly what led to her transgressions. 

I love her to death but I'm honestly disgusted. I know I can forgive her but could I ever get the image of what she did out of my head? I don't know. I don't know if I should give her a chance to prove herself or just walk away. I know I am young and I'm not scared to start over but I do truly love this lady and was going to marry her. 

Any opinions out there? Maybe an example of your own story and how you worked through infidelity or walked away?

Thank you so much in advance for your replies. I've been reading a lot of different threads on her and it has definitely helped me.

P.s. recently just landed a new job a few days ago and will be working again after the holidays. 5 months off and finally back to work.

Cheers-


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Hmm- her other guy's wife is also her sister-in-law? Is the other guy her brother?

Anyway- easy. You're not married, if there are no kids, enjoy the new job and put her the F out of your life. Also, get checked for STDs.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You are still both so young and not even married though I assume in a committed relationship?
She seems remorseful but what she did says alot about her character. if you neglected her did she make any attempts to let you know how she felt? This could be the beginning of a life of deceit and miscommunication.
You need to consider whether you can stay with someone who seems to be very weak when the chips are down in your relationship, to go off and f*** a 'stranger basically.
i would suggest you make no decisions now, tell her you have not decided whether you want to stay with her or not. 

Go for IC to work through your own issues and maybe get some couples therapy also. At this age I would be very reluctant to settle for someone who is less than committed to me, it could be the signal you need to move on. You have more than enough time to meet a wholesome woman who is mature enough to handle issues when they arise in your relationship.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

The choice to stay with someone that cheated on you is a decision only you can make, there are some questions to ask yourself which are:

( By the way get checked for STD's)

Will you be able to totally forgive her?
Will you be able to totally get the picture out of your head of her laying in a hotel bed getting it on with some dude?
why are you taking some of the blame for her cheating? when it gets tough again, believe me it will life is not always easy will she cheat again? can you trust that she won't cheat again?
Why would you want to marry someone that has cheated on you?

I left my H when he was cheating on me, granted sometimes a person can really truly be remorseful but the thing you really need to ask yourself is can you depend on her to not cheat on you when the going gets tough again?

You are young, I would move on and find someone to marry you who is faithful and will be a strong supporter when you are at your lowest. But as I said the choice is yours.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here my friend.

My advice for you is to get rid of her. She is not worth belive me. You want a girlfriend or wife who is going to be there for you. One little problem like you losing your job and she is already with another man. 

Trust me on this one,once you marry her you are going to have a lot of problems and her solution to that is to bang another man. 

She cheated with a married guy and hurt you a lot,but she also did not care about his wife and children (if they have them).

Stay strong my friend.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Not married with no kids? Dump her ASAP. Don't waste another day with her. She had at least 1 night of wanton sex and wanted to dump you afterward. She does not value you or believes in honoring marriage. She's have porn sex with a married man, who probably has kids. That is more than enough to end it. 

You'll never find the true woman of your dreams as long as your with this "woman."


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Your playing house with her. You are not married...this is practice for marriage...or, another way to look at your relationship is as a preview of your future life together.

She showed you who she was. Believe Her.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Well......ultimately the decision go stay is yours and yours alone.

But, if she's sleeping with some random guy a year into the relationship because times are tough, what's she gonna do 10 years down the road when **** really hits the fan?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

Like others have said, no kids, no marriage, no shared property? I would move on, the headaches and hassle of reconciliation are only worth struggling when you're married with kids and there's really a lot at stake. otherwise it's 6 months of heartache, and then you're back and better than before.

Very few marriages are worth salvaging after cheating, I would wager basically no dating relationships are worth attempting to salvage after cheating, and zero are worth salvaging if there are no kids involved.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Let her go. 

The bumps in the road of your current life are minor compared to what's ahead. I know they're big deals, especially now, but as some of us older folks can tell you, one can't imagine the things to come in the future...... Job losses, KIDS, illness, extended families, it's hard!"

Usually, when someone is cheated on they look to blame the circumstances of life that was the catalyst for one's affair. The circumstances of life have nothing to do with cheating. 

If your girlfriend was having problems in her relationship with you, or with anyone,for that matter, she should have addressed them with you or the offending party. I'm not buying the blame-shift here. She met a stranger in November, trashed talked the mates and then slept together. Very immature and hurtful. 

In a great relationship, the mate must have YOUR back at all times. YOU should be put first as should she. If your girlfriend slept with a married man (or anyone), she did it because she wanted to. She is not marriage material. 

Marriage is basically a huge, never ending list of problems. Marrying someone is what you do when you find someone to weather the storms with, share those problems, trust each other, lean on each other, support each other. 

Marry her and you will regret it. It stinks, I know - but it's a million (literally) times worse when you throw kids, property, and money into the mix. There are so many women who will be better to you, trust us. RUN NOW, thank us later. 

Tell the OM's wife too. She is married to a cheater and probably has kids too. See how she feels. 

Cheaters suck!

Stay strong now and reap the benefits later. I don't see any value in a reconciliation with this gf.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Asanta said:


> Hi All,
> 
> New to this site and this is my first time dealing with infidelity like this. I'm really looking for examples of people working through these types of situations or if I should really be even thinking of working it out. Every other time I've been cheated on I've left with out question but this time is completely different for me.
> 
> ...


This is where I stopped reading.

She's your girlfriend, not your wife.

DUMP HER.

Hard. Immediately. Permanently.

Easiest thread ever.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Asanta said:


> She had met someone while walking at a park near our house around late November and they started talking about their troubled relationships... a few times meeting up and they got a hotel room together early December and the dead was done...
> 
> She tried to break up with me a few days after the hotel room. At the time i didn't know about her cheating. After a few days of space we talked and realized some major issues in our relationship and agreed to work on them. A lot of crying ensued on her part (she realized she had made a huge mistake).. The following morning the guy she had relations with messaged me on Facebook (lovely), telling me about the infidelity and how sorry he was (he is married as well...). Of course I lost it and freaked out. I said some horrible things and left. It's been a little over a week of staying at my friends and we've talked a few times. I didn't want to make a rash decision so I left to clear my mind to look at the situation as a whole. She seems very remorseful, telling me all the details, and saying she's willing to do anything it takes to gain my trust again and make our relationship stronger then it ever was. She even met with the married guys sister to explain the situation to her and give closure to her hurt sister-in-law (the other guys wife).
> 
> ...


Blah blah blah blah blah

None of this tripe matters one iota.

So she met a guy at the park. So the two of you had a strained relationship. Did that mean that she had to continue meeting him? Did that mean that she had to cheat?

No. It didn't. _She did what she did because she *WANTED* to do it._

She's shown you that she's not suited for marriage, at least not if you have any expectation of fidelity.

Do the smart thing and dump her, lest you catch her in another affair once you've got a home, 3 kids, 2 cars, and a pension on the line.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I think if she is truly remorseful.....

But who really knows. You will have to be the judge, and since you love her, you'll be the worst judge of all.

Cheating with a married man and dumping you? Only when he dumped her did she become remorseful, in my honest opinion. 

I think I'd have to have a polygraph test at the very least. And who'd marry a woman you have to polygraph? 

Best money is on moving on. How can you talk yourself into marrying a woman who already has shown you that she has the capacity to cheat?
And never forget she tried to dump YOU!

I would keep looking. You've got to consider yourself as WORTH MORE.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

One more thing--- you WANT to think it's all your fault because otherwise you've got to admit to yourself that the woman you love is a cheating **** that had sex with a guy she met in a park. C'mon, man!
Can you really give her a pass on this because you lost your job and weren't the perfect boyfriend? Guess what, you'll never be perfect, and now you have a gf that has precedent for you blaming yourself and accepting infidelity. Is that a way to start a marriage? I think not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## moto (Jan 24, 2013)

Man she saved you a lot of money in counselling, divorce lawyers, kids and a wedding! All for what? that's right, she got to shag some guy she met in a park! 

You should thank him. Like others have said, you deserve better!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think you should let her go.
Lets see if she can do the hard work in keeping you around.
I have found that when folks have to work hard for something, they appreciate what they worked for.
So lets she what she is made of and if she will do the heavy lifting to stay in your life. Maybe and I mean *maybe* if she works realy hard to be in your life she *might never do this again. She *may* value the hard work she put into keeping you and never do this again.

I say test her character and see what she is made of...see if she has it in her to chase you as you let her go from your life.

At the end of the day it might not be a bad thing to see her drop the ball and bail on you...after all the real question is her character...not so much if you should stay or if you should go.

The real question is can she face the consequences she must face to be worth keeping around.

So in short let her go, except the fact she will go, and with that, see what she is real made of and is she going to fight to save this relationship.


On a side note......have you ever noticed band aids come in a box.....you can't just buy one. My point here is some were down the road she might need to go back into that box of band aids. maybe not with the same guy but someone new!


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

SEEMING remorseful is not the same as BEING remorseful. You've had no time to KNOW if she is, which can easily be done after you dump her and carry on with your life for a year. 

She is not marriage material. Maybe after she's BEEN remorseful to your satisfaction she will be, but to take her word for it is a huge risk, one that I fear you'd be paying for down the line. You're not even a year in. Not a good sign. 

Learn to treat your next relationship with care and move on. That's my recommendation.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Boyfriend-girlfriend is an interview process for the position of permanent relationship.

She has failed the interview.

She does not get the position.

Next.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Asanta said:


> Hi All,
> 
> New to this site and this is my first time dealing with infidelity like this. I'm really looking for examples of people working through these types of situations or if I should really be even thinking of working it out. Every other time I've been cheated on I've left with out question but this time is completely different for me.
> 
> ...


Just wanted to add that she met a stranger in late November and was banging him in 2 weeks. Talk about an easy lay. Don't for a second think it was only that 1 time in the hotel. To top it off, she left you to try to be with married man but that obviously failed and she came back to plan B. That tells you she is not girlfriend material let alone wife material. 

Also in the future, make sure you never get serious with a woman that was ever involved with a married man or betrayed a past boyfriend. Once they've gone down that road, they're damaged goods. As for this one, Drop her like a hot potato.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

OK. I like to strip content down to its bare minimum.

Here is what I see:-

"Oh. My partner is going through tough times. Gee. I wonder how can I help him?

"Oh! **I** know! I can leap upon a married man's penis in a motel room!

"That way I can show my partner what I really think of him and help my lover's marriage to explode, too!"

Yikes. Time to break camp and retreat in an orderly fashion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Oh yeah, and in case you still don't get it ..... She is low-balling everything she says to you.

In weasel speak .... just a few weeks means just a few months, ...... just had sex one time means had sex multiple times, ..... realized she had to break it off means she got dumped, ..... is crying and ever so remorseful and wants things to go back to the way they were means she wants a soft landing with good old Plan B until the next hot guy comes along.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Just a girlfriend?

Ditch her. She will do it again later on down the road.


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## badkarma2013 (Nov 9, 2013)

syhoybenden said:


> Oh yeah, and in case you still don't get it ..... She is low-balling everything she says to you.
> 
> In weasel speak .... just a few weeks means just a few months, ...... just had sex one time means had sex multiple times, ..... realized she had to break it off means she got dumped, ..... is crying and ever so remorseful and wants things to go back to the way they were means she wants a soft landing with good old Plan B until the next hot guy comes along.





****Listen to this post...they met several times...You were at the second she slept with him Plan B...Leave or put her out now...

I had my life wrecked with this [email protected]*T...but i burned everything and everyone to the ground...To this day i cannot understand how a guy can take this crap and think they will get over it...you will NEVER forget it ...never ...

Move on.....Balkarma2013


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Should I stay or should I go now? 
If I go there will be TROUBLE
And if I stay it will be DOUBLE


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZk_HnE-cdU


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Should you give her another chance? You could.

But how risky is that chance?

Consider this:

If she would cheat after one year in a relationship, how much more favorable are the odds that she will cheat again - than if she had been faithful for 10 or 20 years; or after the next time your relationship sowers? Quite a bit more.

She cheated with a married man. Not caring about you; not caring about the OM's wife. Pretty good evidence of her morals.

You're not married to her, no children. That could change; after you've invested years of your life and have to deal with breaking up your family. Imagine how much more painful to dump her after that, than now.

Sometimes your brain needs to take charge over your heart or your penis.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Here is what I see:-
> 
> "Oh. My partner is going through tough times. Gee. I wonder how can I help him?
> 
> ...


This is NOT funny. But I literally laughed so hard I snorted when I read this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

The girl jumping in the sack with another guy pretty much indicates her interest level is too low for her to marry this old boy. (unless he wants someone who grows more and more sick of him as time passes) Loyalty is a system that's on the gold standard when it comes to relationships and ain't no loyalty in her. As a practical matter, however she's keeping a roof over is head so he may as well keep her around until he can get his ducks in a row.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Ok, I'm going to share a story with you. When I was a couple of years older than you are, I met the girl of my dreams- nice looking, bright, educated, outgoing, good sense of humor. She was THE ONE. So I married her. I thought we had a fantistic marriage. So did everyone who knew us. 25years later, she cheated. I tried for another 12 years to keep my family together. But the underpinnings of our relationship just rotted out from under us, and it finally collapsed. Now in my mid-60's, I find myself single again. If you marry this girl, the odds are high that you will find yourself in my position. If you're a gambler, and you're feeling lucky, go ahead.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bananapeel said:


> Should I stay or should I go now?
> If I go there will be TROUBLE
> And if I stay it will be DOUBLE
> 
> ...


First thing that came to my mind, to be honest.


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## Asanta (Dec 14, 2015)

I wish I could tag everyone that replied in this thread... I can't thank you all enough for what you said no matter how harsh.

Sitting on the couch looking at all the replies made me have a moment of clarity last night. Do I want to marry someone that cheated on me? Even if they try their hardest to make it up to me, even if I love them?... No way, no how. I deserve way better then that and theres no way to rationalize what she did. She broke the ONE rule you don't break.

I broke it off with her last night and before I could get one sentence out stuff was flying around the room and our pictures were getting smashed... I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. It definitely felt like I made the right decision. I'm also glad I took the time to really think things through for a week instead of making a hasty decision.

Moved all my possessions out today to a friends house and dealing with giving 30 days notice but all is good!

Thank you all again!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Asanta said:


> I wish I could tag everyone that replied in this thread... I can't thank you all enough for what you said no matter how harsh.
> 
> Sitting on the couch looking at all the replies made me have a moment of clarity last night. Do I want to marry someone that cheated on me? Even if they try their hardest to make it up to me, even if I love them?... No way, no how. I deserve way better then that and theres no way to rationalize what she did. She broke the ONE rule you don't break.
> 
> ...


I often recommend reconciliation, but in your situation? Nah. You do not want to live with an Entitlement Princess for the next 40 years+,do you? No.

Her reaction with stuff flying around the room and your pictures getting smashed? See? Even now she's not really feeling the slightest bit of guilt for ruining your relationship and risking the marriage of her lover.

To use an old British expression: "You are well shot of her, mate!":smthumbup:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> I often recommend reconciliation, but in your situation? Nah. You do not want to live with an Entitlement Princess for the next 40 years+,do you? No.
> 
> Her reaction with stuff flying around the room and your pictures getting smashed? See? Even now she's not really feeling the slightest bit of guilt for ruining your relationship and risking the marriage of her lover.
> 
> To use an old British expression: "You are well shot of her, mate!":smthumbup:


There is an old Mexican proverb that comes to mind....

_*Agua que no has de beber, déjala correr"*_

"Water you are not going to drink, let it run".

If something is no longer useful to you, walk away from it.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

From a strictly biological perspective you were an injured mate who could no longer bring him fresh meat. She was just checking to see if she could replace you. This is the selfish gene perspective.

At least she didn't have sex in the park.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You made the right choice.

Hell you broke up with her and she didn't even have enough remorse to agree with you, understand why, and even mention words like "I'll wait for you" or " I understand and I can except my consequences for my choices"........SHE GOT PISSED OFF AND START THROWING SHYT AROUND?????? 

WTF is up with this chick?

On a side note, I feel sorry for the poor SOB who meets her next! 

What kind of person stabs someone in the back and when that person doesn't like a knife in their back the person that did the stabbing gets mad????????


Dude you are so phucking lucky you are getting out of this relationship!


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Asanta said:


> Hi All,
> 
> New to this site and this is my first time dealing with infidelity like this. I'm really looking for examples of people working through these types of situations or if I should really be even thinking of working it out. Every other time I've been cheated on I've left with out question but this time is completely different for me.
> 
> ...


Seriously you have to take responsibility to what you were doing to your partner - she put up with you while you were the s..tbag from hell for a long time. You drove her away. How long were you expecting her to live in misery for you to beat upon.

So she found a shoulder to cry on. Where else should she get support? You certainly weren't giving it to her.

Yes it is bad that money was tight, especially if she wasn't being supportive/prudent with budgeting. But that is one issue , as a couple you'd have to fix _together_, but it can't be fixed while you're being an ass.
And yeah I've walked in those unemployed twice+ boots.

If she's still around then you have to decide whether YOU want to continue - and setting yourself up with some support so you aren't going to be a ****. Then, and only then, are you in any position to work together to want her real needs are, that she feels she should give sex to people who emotional support/give attention to her.

It is going to take a lot of work, from two people who aren't perfect, but who are both committed to working and communicating fully ("I feels" etc). So I wouldn't blame either of you if either of you wanted to walk away and start a blank slate with someone else - not that it fixes the problem! Otherwise, you both have baggage now, do you share enough goals, create enough cash free fun, in your lives to struggle forwards?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Asanta said:


> I wish I could tag everyone that replied in this thread... I can't thank you all enough for what you said no matter how harsh.
> 
> Sitting on the couch looking at all the replies made me have a moment of clarity last night. Do I want to marry someone that cheated on me? Even if they try their hardest to make it up to me, even if I love them?... No way, no how. I deserve way better then that and theres no way to rationalize what she did. She broke the ONE rule you don't break.
> 
> ...


Smart move


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

the guy said:


> Hell you broke up with her and she didn't even have enough remorse to agree with you, understand why, and even mention words like "I'll wait for you" or " I understand and I can except my consequences for my choices"........SHE GOT PISSED OFF AND START THROWING SHYT AROUND??????
> 
> WTF is up with this chick?
> 
> ...


What kind?

An angry person.
A person who has been through crap with a frustrating and unsupportive partner.

hurt themselves because they are in pain, hurt others to communicate the frustration and pain.....just the same as he did when he didn't have a good income to play the provider role they both wanted.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

spotthedeaddog said:


> What kind?
> 
> An angry person.
> A person who has been through crap with a frustrating and unsupportive partner.
> ...


If I'm reading this right?

I guess if one looks hard enough one can find any excuse for infidelity.:grin2:

I just think that if OP's WW had any remorse for her betrayal her reaction to the break up would have been a lot different.

But what the phuck do I know....I still believe hurting others cuz one is in pain is wrong!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

spotthedeaddog said:


> What kind?
> 
> hurt others to communicate the frustration and pain.....just the same as he did when he didn't have a good income to play the provider role they both wanted.


Am I missing something here?

Is infidelity a long the same lines as being a poor provider?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Some one please help me understand!

Sorry for the thread jack but I need help on understanding spotthedeaddog post.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Asanta, you need to throw a party, because you have dodged a bullet!


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

You did the right thing by dropping that wh0re. How she handled the break up shows you her lack of class. You see in her mind, you were supposed to a grateful plan b. 

Her losing it was not out of love or hurt over losing you but of arrogance that you're beneath her and not worthy of dumping her. POS wouldn't have her and now even plan b is dumping her. Oh the horror. To many people expect no consequences for their actions. 

For now stay single and by yourself for the next few weeks to get your head straight. Reconnect with your boys, get involved in a positive activity, and hit the gym. In time, you can get yourself back out there. Nothing serious for a while. 

Eventually you'll meet the right gal. Make sure that you vet her. You don't want to be with a woman who cheated on prior boyfriends or was involved with married men. Make sure those are deal breakers for you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

E


the guy said:


> Some one please help me understand!
> 
> Sorry for the thread jack but I need help on understanding spotthedeaddog post.


"It was all his fault. His girlfriend had every right to have sex with other men if she wanted to."

That is what I saw.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

workindad said:


> Hmm- her other guy's wife is also her sister-in-law? Is the other guy her brother?
> 
> Anyway- easy. You're not married, if there are no kids, enjoy the new job and put her the F out of your life. Also, get checked for STDs.


She met with the OM's wife's sister, who is the OM's sister-in-law. She had hoped the SIL would talk with her sister, (OM's wife) and help her get closure.

Asanta's wife is immature and doesn't realize she can do nothing to make anyone feel better after her actions, unless she just falls off a cliff, or perhaps forsakes all others by joining a convent and flagellating herself as penance everyday.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Asanta said:


> I found out a week ago my girlfriend (25 yrs old) of a year had cheated on me (I'm 26).
> 
> they started talking about their troubled relationships...
> 
> ...


Neither of you is mature enough to handle a relationship. Amazing relationship? But then you take all your personal issues out on her? And she gets swayed by a sweet-talking swindler looking to get into her pants?

Count your losses and go on your way. Spend some time living life and gaining wisdom before you look for another partner.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*With no kids in tow, your decision is a relatively easy one!

The primary thing to keep in mind here, is that as early-on in your M that this occurred, just imagine exactly how crippling and heartbreaking for a host of other people that would have been, when she cheated on you later on in life?

Trust me! With her lack of faithfulness toward you in your M, it was really only a matter of time before it occurred!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Asanta (Dec 14, 2015)

spotthedeaddog said:


> Seriously you have to take responsibility to what you were doing to your partner - she put up with you while you were the s..tbag from hell for a long time. You drove her away. How long were you expecting her to live in misery for you to beat upon.
> 
> So she found a shoulder to cry on. Where else should she get support? You certainly weren't giving it to her.
> 
> ...


Hey spotthedeaddog,

I wasn't some tyrant jerk who ignored her and I would by no means say I was an a** hole to her. Did I get upset sometimes when she suggested going on an extravagant trip (we both love surfing/snowboarding/camping) when I had no money in the last few months? yes. Did I not enjoy somethings she loved in the last few months like concerts, dinners etc because I was depressed? yes. I did I make her feel unwanted sometimes because my sex drive was non-existent during one of the lowest points of my life? yes.

I was actually still really loving and relatively the same person I was before. Depression just got the better of me sometimes, especially never having to really deal with it in my entire life up until this point.

Does that give her an excuse to go "find" support and screw some random guy? NO. She could have easily came to me and said, "Hey Hun, we haven't really been on the same page lately. You've been upsetting me for reason A, B, C etc.... Let's fix this". But she didn't. She never told me anything and went on like everything was great. Trust me, I was completely sidelined by all of this when she tried to break up with me before I knew she had cheated. I had no clue where any of it was coming from. To go from not clicking sometimes to all this was a big wtf for me.

Did my actions create the perfect environment for her to make a choice to screw another guy? Possibly. Can you say for sure she wouldn't have still done it if I wasn't going through a tough time? No way to know. She definitely needs therapy because to me its clear now she has very low self esteem issues among other family issues (she's still struggling with the passing of her mother).

Moral of the story. Cheating is NEVER a justified choice no matter how bad the situation. If you are in committed relationship you work on your issues. If nothing changes after that, you end the relationship THEN go do what you want.

-AS


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP- you did good to cut the cancer out of your life. She again proved her character when she started throwing stuff.

You are better off without her.


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