# I am so confused



## Rlc307 (Jan 14, 2018)

My husband and I have been separated since October. We have always had a great relationship. We play, we laugh and we do not get bored with each other. But him and I were raised in different settings. To make it short, he grew up in a household where his parents continually give as "unconditional love" so he's never faced real consequences. Also, because he cannot live up to what his dad accomplished (his dad supports the family 100%), he has lied in the past about financial issues just to put a band aid on things.

In October his grandmother passed away and he took it extremely hard and had an emotional crisis. I came home three times to his closet emptied out and him saying we were through, but then he always came back. We decided to separate while he gets his life on track. He's currently going to school on the weekends. Between school, finding a career and helping the family with the grief of cleaning out his grandmother's house I told him that I will be there for him emotionally but I can't see him until he can put 100% into our marriage.

We had plans to repair his credit report and he has claimed he paid off a credit card but won't show me, claiming he has some sort of emotional problem. He claims he was let go from his job a few days ago but wouldn't produce a pay stub and we have separate accounts. I just don't understand. 

He has changed his mailing address but won't take the items that he has here. He says he wants to work on things and is always here if we need anything. Maybe he's waiting to be finished with school to show me he's ready when he can be a provider?


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I don't understand, either. Why do you want to be married to a "man" who has never faced consequences, lies, is financially irresponsible, is unemployed, carrying debt, not actually committed to the marriage, and has "emotional problems"?

Thank the Lord for the separation so early in the marriage and before children, file for the divorce, and seek out an actual grown up to be your mate.


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Although, you don't say how old you and he are, or how long you have been married.

I think his refusal to show proof is extremely troubling. Which means he has shown proof it is a lie.

I have heard people bluster and yell that no one has a right to intrude, but the truth is if you want someone to believe there's a pink elephant in the room, open the door and show 'em. I would say until our husband can calmly show you documentation of every little thing, with no issues, please consider what he says to be lies.

Lies are, unfortunately, very common in life.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?

How long have you been married?

Do you have any children? If so, how many and what are their ages?

The additional info will help.

While you thought your marriage was good, it's pretty clear that he did not. People don't leave a marriage when they are happy with it.

My take on it is that he's telling you that he has emotional problems because he needs something to tell you that is a cover. He does not want to tell you what he is really doing.

Where is he living? Who is he living with? How is he paying for his new living situation?

Your husband has abandoned you. If you have children he has abandoned your children as well.

Have you considered that he is most likely having an affair?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rlc307 said:


> Maybe he's waiting to be finished with school to show me he's ready when he can be a provider?


What degree is he going to school for? How much longer does he have till he finishes the degree?

If he wanted to be a provider, he would be doing that already.


----------

