# 1 week since I found out my husband cheated.



## xolilmamato3 (Sep 7, 2008)

I am so confused. I have been reading some of the threads, but I can't find my situation exactly. I am 24 years old and married to my high school sweetheart. We have had far from a normal relationship. I became pregnant when I was 18 and subsequently we lost our daughter at 38 weeks, she was stillborn. That alone was a time filled with sorrow and pain. My husband and I made it through and we went on to have 2 more children. They are now 4 and almost 1. He continued with college and has a great job, I was able to go back to school after our loss and with 2 kids and become a registered nurse. We always seemed to have a good sex life. We had our ups and downs for sure, but I put everything into my husband. I always trusted him and knew we would be together forever. I had warned him the only thing that would break us apart was him cheating on me. I had been through it when I was younger and seen it in my own family. I had a crazy childhood and he rescued me from all that. Finally when I felt like my life was perfect, it all came crashing down. Last weekend I found out my husband attempted to cheat on me with a coworker. I say attempted, because he had conversations and flirted and set the whole thing up. He then proceeded to meet with this girl, get undressed and try to have sex with her. In the process he could not get an erection and left. He claims that he felt so guilty he could not do it and he cried the whole way home to me. I actually looked online and found places that did the voice analysis lie detector tests. I have no idea if they are good or not, but I made him take one. I know it sounds crazy, but I needed some kind of piece of mind. Anyway he passed everything that was asked. So what happened was supposedly what really happened. He has been a crying baby ever since I found out. Trying to do anything to win me back. I love this man with all my heart and I have been sick to my stomach with this situation. I just don't get what I could have done differently. I will never trust him again, yet I want to be with him. Wow I am writing a novel. The problem for me is I can't get the image out of my head. The girl is just nasty and the whole way he went about it was so disturbing to me. I was pregnant with HIS son and he just left me at home to go cheat on me. I didn't even know there was an issue. Now I am sitting here distraught and so lost. My children are young and they need me. I just feel like how could I be with the one person who saved me from everything, who got me to trust him and love him more than anyone and then to do something so terrible to me while I was pregnant no less??? And I found out from someone else, he would not admit it until I showed him the proof that I knew. So many lies he has told me in the last year. He promised to never do this to me. And he lied to my face and told me he never cheated on me and never would. I am so crushed.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

I can easily believe the lack of erection story. I would feel too guilty in that situation. He must really love you. Sometimes us men have it all, and we still want more - more kicks. 

I don't believe the kind of trust you want is essential to a good relationship. We can not even trust ourselves! So how can we put that burden on others? I think the most we can demand of ourselves and others is a willingness to put things right again when a misdeed arises.

Please try and forgive him, give him another chance.

Also look at what actually happened, your husband did not cheat. His head wanted to, but his penis was loyal to you!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

At least your husband is remorseful for his actions. That says a lot! Also the fact that he couldn't get an erection with this other woman is a good thing. That will destroy a guy's pride and confidence! He'll probably be scared to try again. However, the lying is another story. Once someone starts that, it gets easier each time. Then finally lack of trust becomes a huge problem.

You stll need to learn why your husband even entertained the idea of having an affair. I would use this "stumble" in your marriage to make your marriage stronger. If possible see a marriage counselor. Also, the book, "The Five Love Languages", could be beneficial to your relationship.


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## xolilmamato3 (Sep 7, 2008)

That is the thing 827Aug, he does not give me a reason to why. He can't remember what was going on in his head. I think the biggest problem for me is the fact he spoke to her before hand a few times to set it up. In between each convo he still slept in my bed, kissed me, touched me...He still went and got himself into the position. Even though he failed in his attemp, I just feel like he was trying to hurt me. Yet he gives no reason to why. I believe he would not do it again I think, but then again I believed all the lies he said before. He literally looked into my eyes after this happened and swore he never cheated on me and never would. I had asked because someone else a few months ago had emailed me trying to tell me he cheated on me. I still fricken believed him then. How could you not break down and tell me after that?! It would eat me alive! I just know that in all our relationship I turned to him when I was sad and mad, but now I feel so alone. I am just really shocked


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

xolilmamato3,

I fully understand the emotions you're going thru. It's not easy. I'll give you an abbreviated version of what I've been thru over the past two years. First, my husband became so consumed with pride I couldn't stand to be around him--let alone have sex with him. He found sex elsewhere and lied about it. Then things completely fell apart. These other women pumped up that darn ego and made him feel great. I, on the other hand, was the voice of reality and he hated that. The lying to me continued until he didn't even know what was true himself. He was only concerned with what made him happy at the moment. So, from my experience, I can say don't even bother to ask your husband "why". He doesn't know. That's why I recommended the book in my previous post. The book will give you more answers than asking a confussed man!

I, too, have been sickened by my husband's behavior. It causes me much pain every time I look at what all he destroyed. After 22 years of marriage we had been thru so much and had accumulated many things. After he moved out earlier this year, we attempted to go to couple's counseling. That didn't work for me. I was in just too much pain to sit there and have him bash me like he was doing. I now see a great therapist and work on "me" every week. She has help me deal with the emotional pain that he put me thru and I'm finally beginning to have a better outlook on life. You might just try seeing a counselor for "you" so that you can deal with the pain.

Hang in there!


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## xolilmamato3 (Sep 7, 2008)

globalpolygraph said:


> I hope you didn't get the VSA (voice stress analyzer lie detector) done over the phone. There is a fraud out there named John Grogan (see John Grogan is NOT a Polygraph Examiner - John Leo Grogan - convicted of fraud, PEOA.us -John's Polygraph Association devoid of substance) who is doing voice stress lie detection by phone, and he is a con man.
> 
> Michael Martin


Do you have any idea what companies are associated with him? The place I went through seemed legit to the best of my knowledge and was not mentioned on the site. I searched it through the BBB and online for scams. I am not so sure I believe the whole thing works, but I don't think it was a scam. I will find a real place too though, because I am not about to have him lie anymore to me. Thanks


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