# Question for women



## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

If you rejected your husband for sex when he initiated once a week for example and he replied and said I'm going the toilet to finish mysel off then what would your reaction be and why?


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Why go to the toilet, just finish yourself off right there.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So you are saying that after a week of no sex he initiates and you reject him? If so then I would understand that he wants/needs a release.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The OP is male. Asking ladies. I'll just let that sit there.


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

Blondilocks said:


> The OP is male. Asking ladies. I'll just let that sit there.


Yes sorry I should have clarified that, not that it should make a difference. I just wanted to know if this was a big No No or something that women understood a need for release. Simple as that.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Your thread title was pretty specific. lol


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## Chaotic (Jul 6, 2013)

I think I need more context. Am I rejecting his advances because there are huge problems in our relationship? What are things like between us at this point? If I'm rejecting him because we're not getting along for other, non-sexual reasons and there are significant relationship problems, my reaction to him saying he'd finish himself in the toilet would probably be "fine, whatever". But if we have a good, healthy relationship otherwise, I probably wouldn't be rejecting him to begin with. And if for some reason I did and he said he'd go finish in the toilet, my reaction would probably be something like "no, do it here, maybe I can help 😉"


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Why even make that statement???🤔

Just go do it.

Do you also announce when you are going to pee, etc.?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

If he was the HD person in the relationship and never refuses me then I wouldn’t care if he went to the bathroom to release.


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

i have been in this situation, and had done this (announced to wife I was going to masturbate after being refused by her). For me, as immature as it was, it was all about making sure she knew, not about the act itself. If it was just needing a release, there would be no need to ever say anything. In my case, I was trying to make a point. I assume that plays in to the OP situation


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Married_in_michigan said:


> i have been in this situation, and had done this (announced to wife I was going to masturbate after being refused by her).


If I ever want a sexual partner of mine to believe that they have absolutely no value to me except as a vessel for me to masturbate into, I would do exactly what you did.



> For me, as immature as it was, it was all about making sure she knew, not about the act itself. If it was just needing a release, there would be no need to ever say anything. In my case, I was trying to make a point. I assume that plays in to the OP situation


It's stuff like that, which ensures you get the miserable sex life you have.

Seriously for your own good, next time you try to make a point. Think smarter and try not to go out of your way to cut off your own nose to spite your face.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Married_in_michigan said:


> i have been in this situation, and had done this (announced to wife I was going to masturbate after being refused by her). For me, as immature as it was, it was all about making sure she knew, not about the act itself. If it was just needing a release, there would be no need to ever say anything. In my case, I was trying to make a point. I assume that plays in to the OP situation


I can't imagine what point you were trying to make. Was she in danger of smothering herself from laughing into her pillow?


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> I can't imagine what point you were trying to make. Was she in danger of smothering herself from laughing into her pillow?


I think it was more of a control issue. I felt very controlled by my wife sexually and that it was not a partnership. I think letting it be known that if she was not interested in sex, that did not mean i was going to just go without. She was known for many years in our marriage to use sex (or lack of) in a way to manipulate and control...and it works for a while. I actually had a MC talk about boundaries with me year ago and it caused me to realize I was resentful that I felt she controlled my sexual self. Making a "point" that I am a sexual person irrespective of her was an important boundary. The way I went about it was immature for sure, but the point being made was still something I think was valid.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

BIL310 said:


> If you rejected your husband for sex when he initiated once a week for example and he replied and said I'm going the toilet to finish mysel off then what would your reaction be and why?


Toilet hell, I'd lay back in our master bedroom, turn on alexa. I don't do anything I'd not do in front of DW. It's my house. I'm a grown man. Case closed.

Not worrying about hiding anything is very freeing and stress free.

You should try it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

And, don't feel like you have to tell her what you're going to do, on anything. 

Are you a child?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

BIL310 said:


> If you rejected your husband for sex when he initiated once a week for example and he replied and said I'm going the toilet to finish mysel off then what would your reaction be and why?


My wife would probably laugh her ass off if I said that. If she realized I was serious, she'd think I was weird AF and would try not to laugh as I departed the room. Then "have fun?" would probably come out of her mouth as soon as I came out of the bathroom, along with laughing enough to trigger her asthma/coughing.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

When you made your big threat to masturbate in the toilet did your wife say "good, just take your time"?


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

For the record I never did say it although in anger I felt like it at one stage.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@BIL310 ,

First, I'd like you to know that for me, this is a difficult frame of mind to get into. For me, I'm very well matched with my Beloved Hubby, AND if one of us were in the mood when the other wasn't, we both make the effort to "get in the mood" ya know? So for us to get into the position you describe would just be so unlikely! Not impossible, because stuff happens, but just very unusual. I would feel like a lot of stuff would have to break down for one of the two of us to turn down the other so often that resentment built to the point that they'd announce, "Fine I'm going to go masturbate then!" So the first thing I'd say is that if you get into this position in the first place, a lot of relationship is already in trouble.

Next, using reference from the past, where my exH was into sexual things that I was NOT into, and where he absolutely made it clear he was not into me... I would say that if I had a male partner who tried to initiate and I said 'no' for the umpteenth time and he said he was going to go finish in another room, I would probably think "Okay" and that's about it. Here's the thing: I understand that human beings are sexual and that for some human beings, being rejected for sex means rejection OF THEM and rejection of closeness and intimate feelings. So if I'm the one doing that rejecting (while simultaneously saying I love them) I'm not really thinking of THEM or acting in a loving way toward them at all! So for me to reject would be having all that knowledge and still saying 'no' anyway, and to me that means there is a WHOLE LOT MORE GOING ON than just "I am not in the mood for sex at the moment." Thus, if they wanted to go and masturbate, I probably wouldn't care that essentially that action means they don't care about me either. 

See...if you do love and care about someone, then when they desire you, you'd either also desire them or at minimum be willing to think of them and get your own self in the mood. If you aren't willing to think of them or care about them, then really you're being selfish and thinking only of yourself! And that's not really being very "loving" is it? After all, love is a VERB (an action of treating the other person in a loving way), and not a FEELING (Woooo I feel butterflies with you). If you choose to act in a selfish way, you aren't acting in a loving way (usually) because your focus is not on the one you supposedly love! 

So that's just me. If that's where I found myself in a relationship, and I said 'no' all the time, and he said "I'll just go knock one out then" I would literally think "Okay" and probably not give it another thought...because the whole point is that I don't care. If I cared, I wouldn't be saying "no".


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

BIL310 said:


> For the record I never did say it although in anger I felt like it at one stage.


And THIS is one serious red flag about anyone's relationship -- if you are unable to have your needs met to the point that you are this angry and resentful, and yet you feel unable to talk to your spouse about it because you feel frustrated and hopeless from their lack of care or interest in you and your needs, your relationship has bigger problems than just No Sex.

I believe being sexless and REMAINING sexless highlights relationship issues and deficits that are already there.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Affaircare said:


> @BIL310 ,
> 
> First, I'd like you to know that for me, this is a difficult frame of mind to get into. For me, I'm very well matched with my Beloved Hubby, AND if one of us were in the mood when the other wasn't, we both make the effort to "get in the mood" ya know? So for us to get into the position you describe would just be so unlikely! Not impossible, because stuff happens, but just very unusual. I would feel like a lot of stuff would have to break down for one of the two of us to turn down the other so often that resentment built to the point that they'd announce, "Fine I'm going to go masturbate then!" So the first thing I'd say is that if you get into this position in the first place, a lot of relationship is already in trouble.
> 
> ...


PERFECTION!!!!!!!


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## BIL310 (Apr 26, 2017)

Affaircare said:


> @BIL310 ,
> 
> First, I'd like you to know that for me, this is a difficult frame of mind to get into. For me, I'm very well matched with my Beloved Hubby, AND if one of us were in the mood when the other wasn't, we both make the effort to "get in the mood" ya know? So for us to get into the position you describe would just be so unlikely! Not impossible, because stuff happens, but just very unusual. I would feel like a lot of stuff would have to break down for one of the two of us to turn down the other so often that resentment built to the point that they'd announce, "Fine I'm going to go masturbate then!" So the first thing I'd say is that if you get into this position in the first place, a lot of relationship is already in trouble.
> 
> ...


That is probably one of the best posts I’ve ever read on here! Thank you.

I feel like copying it and emailing it to her!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

BIL310 said:


> That is probably one of the best posts I’ve ever read on here! Thank you.
> 
> I feel like copying it and emailing it to her!


I would say to do that if there was ANY chance it would matter to her...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Toilet hell, I'd lay back in our master bedroom, turn on alexa. I don't do anything I'd not do in front of DW. It's my house. I'm a grown man. Case closed.
> 
> Not worrying about hiding anything is very freeing and stress free.
> 
> You should try it.


And while you were at it, you'd say "While I'm busy, get in the kitchen and make my supper, woman". j/k


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Your actions reflect very immature passive-aggressive behavior.....if you cannot have your way then you are going to do______, and this is to offend her or to make her feel bad. Who should feel bad is you. But oh no, it is her fault. What effort have you given to courting your wife? You just expect her to have sex because you have the urge, you get on, pump a few times and you are done, you roll over and go to sleep. She then feels like a sperm receptacle. You need to look at what you are, or are not doing, on a daily basis to show your wife that you love her and appreciate her and what she does for you. When you were dating (before marriage), did you expect sex and when you didn't get it did you then tell her you'd get some place else? Think about your actions.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Personal said:


> If I ever want a sexual partner of mine to believe that they have absolutely no value to me except as a vessel for me to masturbate into, I would do exactly what you did.
> 
> It's stuff like that, which ensures you get the miserable sex life you have.
> 
> Seriously for your own good, next time you try to make a point. Think smarter and try not to go out of your way to cut off your own nose to spite your face.


Yeah, the only thing I can see that would accomplish is to make your wife feel like you don't care about her at all and only wanted to use her body as a sexual object for your own gratification. It would set her up to reject you next time! It would increase the disconnection you have that has already ruined your sex life.


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