# Separated for over a year and confused



## Hiccup (Sep 30, 2017)

My wife and I separated officially last July. It was mostly mutual and I was the one who originally instigated the separation, to the relief of my wife. Since then I have been growing and maturing a lot. I realize all the things I have done wrong and have apologized to her enough times that to do so more would be overkill. I have tried to initiate a reconciliation many times. However, she has told me repeatably that she is not interested or attracted to me anymore. 
I have gotten to a point where I can accept this, but since I have been the only one to initiate any type of movement in any direction, positive or negative. I have decided to let her make the next move. After all, she is the one that wants the divorce, while I do not. She continues to push the subject away every time I ask, saying that she can not talk about it. 
The thing that gets me is she still has our wedding pictures up in the house, she has not cleaned up my nightstand or given me some of the things out of it. She acts like she doesn't like me, but she is okay putting up with me and she is cordial. I have donated most of my time to caring for my son, helping her co-parent, and going to school. 
At this point I am not sure what to do. I want to bring my family back together, but I am stuck in a position where there is nothing I can say and all I have left is being the bad guy and printing the divorce papers for her and having us sign them. I am not ready for a committed relationship with anyone else anyway, so staying married isn't a big deal for me, I just don't know what is in her mind. Her mantra continues to be, "I am not interested, I am not attracted to you, I don't what to get back together."
One kink in this is she told my bother-in-law that we haven't even discussed the future of our relationship, when he asked if we were staying together. I need some advice on how to get her to open up and get myself out of this limbo.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You can't make her do anything. It takes two. Move on with your life in a forceful manner.

Do it for yourself. Quit looking for something that isn't there.

Hard 180 no contact. Take yourself out of the equation.

What you're doing isn't working is it?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Listen your in a stalemate, she has the house, your paying the bills and she can do what she wants..why does she want to disrupt her life, and your the doormat to that life... it's time to put the house in the market, file and get on with your life...she is not coming back...move on and grow up


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Listen your in a stalemate, she has the house, your paying the bills and she can do what she wants..why does she want to disrupt her life, and your the doormat to that life... *it's time to put the house in the market, file and get on with your life*...she is not coming back...move on and grow up


Continuing as you have been isn't going to change anything, time to shake things up. Either go ahead and file for divorce or move back into the house. Unless she's got a court order giving her exclusive use of the house you have every right to live there, and if you really want to fix your marriage you'll have a much better chance living with her than living apart.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Hiccup said:


> I am not ready for a committed relationship with anyone else anyway, so *staying married isn't a big deal for me,* I just don't know what is in her mind.


Why are you here then?

Marriage not a big deal? *No wonder she is done with you.* Wishy-washy, bargain-store detergent.

She has read your book and does not like the plot or the ending.

Let the poor women go. 

....................................................................................
Why has she not told others about her future?

She is biding her time..for some reason.

-Or- she is hoping you change.

She too is in limbo.

Look for ducks in your backyard wading pool.
Are they lined up?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You can sit around even longer than you already have and wait for her to tell you what she's going to do or you can move on. But as far as figuring out what she's thinking -- nope, you can't. And obviously you can't make her open up to you if she doesn't want to. 

You've been in limbo for over a year. And you could be there for much longer if you plan on waiting on her to tell you her next step. So if that's not what you want then you need to take the first step to getting out.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The same thing happened between me and my RSXW when she asked me to depart by means of a "trial separation!"

Thought it was rather legitimate until I found out that during our two year separation, that she only wanted me out of the picture so she could be better able to "bump trolley cars" with her clandestine boyfriends that were passing through town!*


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Hiccup said:


> My wife and I separated officially last July. It was mostly mutual and I was the one who originally instigated the separation, to the relief of my wife. Since then I have been growing and maturing a lot. I realize all the things I have done wrong and have apologized to her enough times that to do so more would be overkill. I have tried to initiate a reconciliation many times. However, she has told me repeatably that she is not interested or attracted to me anymore.
> I have gotten to a point where I can accept this, but since I have been the only one to initiate any type of movement in any direction, positive or negative. I have decided to let her make the next move. After all, she is the one that wants the divorce, while I do not. She continues to push the subject away every time I ask, saying that she can not talk about it.
> The thing that gets me is she still has our wedding pictures up in the house, she has not cleaned up my nightstand or given me some of the things out of it. She acts like she doesn't like me, but she is okay putting up with me and she is cordial. I have donated most of my time to caring for my son, helping her co-parent, and going to school.
> At this point I am not sure what to do. I want to bring my family back together, but I am stuck in a position where there is nothing I can say and all I have left is being the bad guy and printing the divorce papers for her and having us sign them. I am not ready for a committed relationship with anyone else anyway, so staying married isn't a big deal for me, I just don't know what is in her mind. Her mantra continues to be, *"I am not interested, I am not attracted to you, I don't what to get back together."*
> One kink in this is she told my bother-in-law that we haven't even discussed the future of our relationship, when he asked if we were staying together. I need some advice on how to get her to open up and get myself out of this limbo.


File for divorce. Stop being a doormat ATM. Move on.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> File for divorce. Stop being a doormat *ATM.* Move on.


ATM

At the moment.

Automatic Teller Machine.

Ain't this marvelous. :frown2:

.......................................

And that's Moot! :surprise:

Time to scoot. Scat, leave...

Live! :smile2:


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Nucking Futs said:


> Continuing as you have been isn't going to change anything, time to shake things up. Either go ahead and file for divorce or move back into the house. Unless she's got a court order giving her exclusive use of the house you have every right to live there, and if you really want to fix your marriage you'll have a much better chance living with her than living apart.


I would move back in.

You can let her have the big room.

I'm certain there are other places you can sleep.


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