# Reasons For Divorce



## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

To any divorcees what are the main reasons you divorced? Is it always an affair?


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## Bigsigh (Oct 26, 2009)

Well....for me (he left me btw). His teenage daughter and I had issues for a couple years. We worked through them, and found a very loving relationship on the other side. Also, he said I was "disloyal" to him when he got into a disagreement with a friend of mine over her sisters disabled daughter and i didn't tell her off after she basically told him off and walked away.

Ten years later, he says I hurt him and we are done. Go figure....


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## sue1168 (Feb 25, 2010)

My husband left me too. In the 3 years we have been married (again--yes I married him twice after 8 years of divorce), I caught him in Nov. '07 texting a woman and caught him again in July '08 texting a different woman, and caught him again in March '09 texting yet another different woman. In Dec.'09 I caught him texting the same woman from Nov '07. We got into a huge fight and he left. Haven't heard from him since. I am filing for divorce this summer (when I have the money) and I'm done...There definitely won't be a third time.


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## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

sue1168 said:


> My husband left me too. In the 3 years we have been married (again--yes I married him twice after 8 years of divorce), I caught him in Nov. '07 texting a woman and caught him again in July '08 texting a different woman, and caught him again in March '09 texting yet another different woman. In Dec.'09 I caught him texting the same woman from Nov '07. We got into a huge fight and he left. Haven't heard from him since. I am filing for divorce this summer (when I have the money) and I'm done...There definitely won't be a third time.


I think you gave him enough chances! You done the right thing for sure.


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## FreetoFly (Mar 14, 2010)

My reasons were quite different. Married my husband and I had my then 15 year old daughter live with her dad as I was moving 25 miles away,. Gave up one of my dogs because he said I was only allowed one in his community (that was a lie). Gave up my truck because he said it cost too much money a month. A year later, my daughter was having serious problems living with her dad. I was told to move out until she graduate high school which was a little over a year at that time. The year is almost up. My daughter is going to college and I am not going back to him. As soon as I have the money I am filing for divorce. I left out all his accusations of me cheating on him while I was living there. The jealousy he had because of my relationship with my daughter. I looked up insecure men and there he was all over the page.


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

I'm not divorced yet but seems like that's where I'll be heading. For me it's not just the affair(s) it's the constant lies that I just can't live with any longer. Now we're separated and if I message him while he have our son and he didn't reply my mind started playing tricks on me wondering if the OW is there bla bla bla and I realized I could never live like this forever with him. Also to add to the affair(s) is his denial that he did something wrong and just said he wants to stay married but have not make any obvious 'actions' to make it right.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Oh, god. . .where do I start and end?

Well for me. . .you could say that it was lack of intimacy. For her, it was money and not acheiving the lifestyle she had in mind (hobnobbing with lawyers/accountants/doctors, taking vacations, nice furniture).

I decided to leave her so she could feel free to pursue the money that was important to her. 

This is just not my assessment either - my counselor received a letter from her starting with "It's not about hte money. . ." but then went on for money for 4 pages. She told me to throw in the towel as money was very important to her and it wasn't hugely important to me.

So. . .money vs. intimacy was the value difference.


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## onelonelymom (Feb 3, 2010)

I have not filed yet, but I am going to in a month or so, I hope it is okay that I am posting. 
For me, it is not affairs, well okay maybe a little. I swear he is being unfaithful to me, but I am too afraid to find out. All the signs are there, but the fear is stopping me from finding out for sure. He denies it, but something tells me otherwise.
For me it is more the porn addiction. I just can not get past it and it is putting a very large wedge between us and it is making me resent him.
The lying as well, I hate lying and I am being lied to about a lot.


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## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

sue1168 said:


> My husband left me too. In the 3 years we have been married (again--yes I married him twice after 8 years of divorce), I caught him in Nov. '07 texting a woman and caught him again in July '08 texting a different woman, and caught him again in March '09 texting yet another different woman. In Dec.'09 I caught him texting the same woman from Nov '07. We got into a huge fight and he left. Haven't heard from him since. I am filing for divorce this summer (when I have the money) and I'm done...There definitely won't be a third time.


Gosh it seems you still love him alot waiting 8 years after the first time you married I don't know if that is human! and then this he was taking you for a huge ride! 11 years of your life I feel for you big time? Do you feel those 11 years have all been doom and gloom or any highlights? 



Bigsigh said:


> Well....for me (he left me btw). His teenage daughter and I had issues for a couple years. We worked through them, and found a very loving relationship on the other side. Also, he said I was "disloyal" to him when he got into a disagreement with a friend of mine over her sisters disabled daughter and i didn't tell her off after she basically told him off and walked away.
> 
> Ten years later, he says I hurt him and we are done. Go figure....


How did you resolve your issues with his daughter what were the main issues if you don't mind. 



Scannerguard said:


> Oh, god. . .where do I start and end?
> 
> Well for me. . .you could say that it was lack of intimacy. For her, it was money and not acheiving the lifestyle she had in mind (hobnobbing with lawyers/accountants/doctors, taking vacations, nice furniture).
> 
> ...


A lot of women are like that nowadays the media protrays after married living a life of luxary without working and spending all day in a bubble bath with wine. I think you went down the right channels with the conselor and made the right choice well done.



onelonelymom said:


> I have not filed yet, but I am going to in a month or so, I hope it is okay that I am posting.
> For me, it is not affairs, well okay maybe a little. I swear he is being unfaithful to me, but I am too afraid to find out. All the signs are there, but the fear is stopping me from finding out for sure. He denies it, but something tells me otherwise.
> For me it is more the porn addiction. I just can not get past it and it is putting a very large wedge between us and it is making me resent him.
> The lying as well, I hate lying and I am being lied to about a lot.


Have you tried to help your husband overcome this addiction or is it gone that far its pack your bags?


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Well for me it is infidelity. My H has an affair, I caught him, he still denies it(despite overwhelming evidence), he is filling for divorce now. His official story: He has not been happy for 3 years but he has never seriously sat down to talk to me about it. We have a 15 month old child. I hope he spends the rest of his life lonely because the OW right now is clearly in for the money only.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Basically my wife just came apart at the seems. I don't even recognize the woman today that I've been married to for 18 1/2 years. It's a sad Hodge-podge; one part mental illness, one part infidelity, one part venomous hatred towards me. It's a bitter concoction indeed, that sadly has harmed her and our children far more than it ever has hurt me. 

It's all very sad. I'll continue to pray for her, and I've asked most of her "old" friends to do the same. Unless something truly miraculous occurs, reconciliation just isn't an option in my opinion. I still love her, just not how a husband needs to love his wife. Everything can be forgiven, but somethings can never be forgotten. 

LIL


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

Yes, it was an affair she had while she needed "space" to consider our marriage/divorce. In reality she didn't consider anything but her own selfish needs.


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## NotGoodEnough (Apr 22, 2010)

Well, I'm separated but not yet divorced..He left me after I found out about is emails to his Ex. He packed his stuff one day w/o me knowing and after I called him 10x he finally answered saying he wasn't ever happy and he wanted a divorce..He has literally shattered my heart..We're separated and now he's given me a hundred ultimatums and demands. He has said If I want to "keep him" I'll have to be happier (all the time, 24/7, never let a thing bother me and if it does DONT show it), never stress (is that possible?), quit school (I’m trying to get into nursing school), work and continue giving him every single paycheck, get "closer" to his family (when he doesn't even acknowledge mine), cook for him every single day, house MUST be clean at all times, laundry has to be done (all the time) and I must just do and say as he pleases...He's said he's leading and I have to follow.
I've been married 3 yrs.. We've had a rough start going into marriage but for some reason we both still went with it..During these past 3yrs, I've lost my father (Dad diagnosed 12yrs ago w/ Bladder Cancer, he fought for 12 yrs and during my engagement/wedding period he was diagnosed stage 4, terminal cancer).. We lost him 2 yrs ago and I have been told numerous times (even a couple months after we lost him) to "get over it and move on", I've been told I'm too dramatic, emotional, needy, moody, *****y, I'm an idiot, stupid, complicated, complex, manipulative, conniving and I need to change my ENTIRE personality bc he HATES it, IF I want to keep him (every time I think about it I’m in disbelief, like are you serious?). He has disrespected me in more ways than I could count but anytime I bring something up, he just gets furious, raises his voice and tells me to shut up and stop defending myself.
He left and during this separation I’ve had more and more time to think and I’m afraid I’m realizing I don’t love him, I don’t want to be with him, I don’t trust him and that he’s just a miserable, mean, coldhearted man and I can do so much better. Even if I am all those things I still don’t think I deserve to be treated that way.
He wants me to give up school? My passion in life, my dream in life is to be a Oncology Nurse, to help others, to comfort others in time of need and he thinks it’s disgusting that I want to clean up after people.. I don’t see it as cleaning up after them, we’re all going to get sick someday or need help from a doctor or nurse, it’s not a bad thing that I want to do this. I’m starting to believe that he just wants to break me down to make himself feel better. I’ve worked since we’ve been married and I’ve given him all my paychecks, I’ve complied to his rules on spending money on credit cards and have asked for permission to purchase clothes, shoes, etc. He’s had access to my bank account but never wanted to add me to his or get a joint account and till this day I’ve never had access to his bank account or credit card accounts. I’ve always tried to keep our apartment clean, he’d always mess things up. I didn’t cook very much in the beginning because I’ve been working full time (to help him with bills) and have been going to school full time (to fulfill my dreams for a better future for both of us and “our family” someday) but I got a little better with cooking this past year. Still not good enough.
I think I’m reaching my boiling point. I keep telling myself this isn’t normal, this isn’t right, I shouldn’t be treated this way. He won’t see a martial counselor, he just wants me to CHANGE and be how he wants me to be. If we did get back together and I did all that he asked I still don’t think he’ll be happy. I don’t want to waste anymore of my time. He’s damaged me enough! I think my reasons for divorce are valid right? What he’s doing and asking of me isn’t right, right? Is it fair?
I’m young, beautiful, smart, accommodating, friendly, supportive, encouraging.. I’ve supported all of his nonsense hobbies..He wanted to purchase a robot that was $800 bc it made him happy I was like okay, he wanted to get into RC cars and would spend hundreds I didn’t complain, he wanted to sell his paid off truck and buy an 18yr car that I didn’t think was worth 9k but it was his dream car I said okay, he said it was in perfect conditions but a year later he’s had to put in over 8K in it and now another 1-2K and it still needs work..but I said okay bc it made him happy….sure I get stressed at times but that’s life! I don’t dwell on it! I’m stressed and then comes the next day and I’m fine! I’m not always moody, he just says the meanest things and puts me down, of course I’m going to be moody and *****y! He wants to say what he feels, bring me down, be rude, manipulative, ****y and arrogant but I can’t say anything to defend myself or disagree because if I do then he gets upset and starts calling me names and says I’m crazy and asks what’s wrong with me.
I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this..I don’t want to live another day like this!
I just have to accept I’m never going to be good enough! I can’t even have a decent conversation with him anymore, he just gets pissed and mean, he’s just demanding and not communicating in a civil way, he won’t compromise, he wants everything his way or it’s the high way.
Divorce? It’s coming, I can feel it, he’s just not happy and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make him happy…


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

NotGoodEnough said:


> Well, I'm separated but not yet divorced..He left me after I found out about is emails to his Ex. He packed his stuff one day w/o me knowing and after I called him 10x he finally answered saying he wasn't ever happy and he wanted a divorce..He has literally shattered my heart..We're separated and now he's given me a hundred ultimatums and demands. He has said If I want to "keep him" I'll have to be happier (all the time, 24/7, never let a thing bother me and if it does DONT show it), never stress (is that possible?), quit school (I’m trying to get into nursing school), work and continue giving him every single paycheck, get "closer" to his family (when he doesn't even acknowledge mine), cook for him every single day, house MUST be clean at all times, laundry has to be done (all the time) and I must just do and say as he pleases...He's said he's leading and I have to follow.
> I've been married 3 yrs.. We've had a rough start going into marriage but for some reason we both still went with it..During these past 3yrs, I've lost my father (Dad diagnosed 12yrs ago w/ Bladder Cancer, he fought for 12 yrs and during my engagement/wedding period he was diagnosed stage 4, terminal cancer).. We lost him 2 yrs ago and I have been told numerous times (even a couple months after we lost him) to "get over it and move on", I've been told I'm too dramatic, emotional, needy, moody, *****y, I'm an idiot, stupid, complicated, complex, manipulative, conniving and I need to change my ENTIRE personality bc he HATES it, IF I want to keep him (every time I think about it I’m in disbelief, like are you serious?). He has disrespected me in more ways than I could count but anytime I bring something up, he just gets furious, raises his voice and tells me to shut up and stop defending myself.
> He left and during this separation I’ve had more and more time to think and I’m afraid I’m realizing I don’t love him, I don’t want to be with him, I don’t trust him and that he’s just a miserable, mean, coldhearted man and I can do so much better. Even if I am all those things I still don’t think I deserve to be treated that way.
> He wants me to give up school? My passion in life, my dream in life is to be a Oncology Nurse, to help others, to comfort others in time of need and he thinks it’s disgusting that I want to clean up after people.. I don’t see it as cleaning up after them, we’re all going to get sick someday or need help from a doctor or nurse, it’s not a bad thing that I want to do this. I’m starting to believe that he just wants to break me down to make himself feel better. I’ve worked since we’ve been married and I’ve given him all my paychecks, I’ve complied to his rules on spending money on credit cards and have asked for permission to purchase clothes, shoes, etc. He’s had access to my bank account but never wanted to add me to his or get a joint account and till this day I’ve never had access to his bank account or credit card accounts. I’ve always tried to keep our apartment clean, he’d always mess things up. I didn’t cook very much in the beginning because I’ve been working full time (to help him with bills) and have been going to school full time (to fulfill my dreams for a better future for both of us and “our family” someday) but I got a little better with cooking this past year. Still not good enough.
> ...


_He's_ not good enough for you.

P.S. I think you should change your username to something more positive lol


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## addie (Apr 19, 2010)

well i am not divorced. my husband left me 2 months ago, but he says we cant fixour marriage. he said i made him unhappy. i never knew i did till he left. we just didnt communicate like we should have been i guess. but i ended up stressing out and going into a slight depression during this pregnancy and i did something i promised i woudl not do again. so as much as i love him and want my marriage to work. as much as it hurts living without him and raising our daughter and being pregnant by myself i dotn think he will ever wake up and see our marriage is fixable. i hurt him bad.


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## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

Re: Not Good Enough;

Holy crap, I can't believe that you would want to be with that guy. That is not a marriage, two equal people sharing their lives together. That sounds more like jail, where you do what you are told and don't call the shots. Who wants to live like that? You didn't say anything about kids, so assuming there are none involved. I think you should run, not walk, away from this guy. NOBODY deserves to live like that.

I am separated now for 11 days, and yes it is hard. I have also come to realize in that short time that I am already happier. My wife left me years ago emotionally, and physically. Yes, I would go back in a second if she were willing to work on things, I am certainly not perfect, but she isn't interested right now. So, my kids are here with me this weekend (still sleeping right now). We will only get to see each other every second weekend right now, but that will change when I get my own place. Our reasons for splitting up, from my perspective, are that we simply put our marriage after kids, her parents, her dead brother, her need to hate her dead brothers ex. Then her mom left her dad after 42 years, so had to comfort her dad for a year, then hate her mom for a year plus, etc....

Our marriage came last, no time spent together, too many things going on in busy lives, both of our work lives have been stressful, dogs that would damage our yard after I fixed something up, dogs on the bed (after I expressed my dislike of this MANY times, the dog was more important than me), she handled all of the money and I never really know where we were at. She said that I cut myself out of family functions, and she is right, I have always had a hard time with that. But a big part of that is her sister is a b****, and would just insult me everytime she was around. There was no way to win that one, that is how she has always treated her guys, which is why they all left her. But it was lose-lose for me, either I took it and looked like a schmuck, or I gave it back and she escalated it to another level and eventually I had to back off. So I just stopped going when she was there. 

Anyways, there was never any infidelity on either side, although I do think my wife at this point is having an EA with her boss, although she may not even realize it. I guess we simply grew apart through our relationship ignorance, and she isn't willing to try, so we split. Sucks.


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## pochael (Apr 12, 2010)

WOW this is one of the most negative subjects ever. 

So, I have to say, I had an affair, she had an affair, and we have been through just about anything a marriage could be through. But what kept us together was unconditional love. When we realized the time we spent doing things wrong, we also realized that with half that effort invested into each other we have never dreamed a marriage could be so awesome. And yes we have dreamed. In our dreams it was more about the material aspects than the love. And now since we know that no matter the material pieces, we can still not be happy. But when you realize everything outside of her and I are just bonus... Man what a difference.

Sorry, I just think this forum needed some positive. And for the ones that have not divorced yet... YOU CAN TURN IT AROUND... No matter what the position the other is in. As long as you still have something.


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