# What would you do? Amended Dissolution and WAW not paying her debts.



## ffghtr67 (Jul 23, 2012)

I am struggling with this decision. Hope some of you who have been in my shoes can give me your perspective and opinion. 

You can read my other strings if you want to know all the particulars but the short story is this: wife is a walk away, we had agreed to shared parenting and I was supposed to pay $450/month CS. Six weeks after the dissolution was final, WAW moved 150 miles away with new boyfriend leaving kids with me. 

After she left, I became the residential parent of my 2 kids, yet it took 4 months for the CS to be stopped. So I had the kids, paid for all of their expenses, plus paid CS for 4 months even though WAW didn't have the kids. When all was said and done, I ended up with the kids and the house; she has visitation 2 weekends per month. I now pay no child support or alimony. I was ordered to pay a $7500 unsecured household loan, she was ordered to pay $3K in credit card debt. She also gets a $34K payout from my pension when I retire in 19 years.

My attorney and I figured that WAW would never repay the 4 months of CS (about $1800), but we wrote into the amended agreement that she was supposed to pay $150/month until it was repaid and gave her a year to repay it beginning in October 2013. WAW has missed every payment, I haven't received a single penny of the $1800 he owes. 

I haven't spoke or seen the WAW since May 2013. I emailed her in November 2013 asking when she was going to begin payments and she never responded. She also hasn't responded to pay her share of school fees and driver's education fees for the kids, both which I paid. In total she owes me about $2000. 

So my question is this, do you think the $2K that she owes is enough to go after her in a contempt of court charge? My attorney charges $168/hour, I am finally moving on from the shock and emotions of the divorce, but that $2K would really be nice to put towards that $7500 loan I am trying to pay off.

Should I go after her on this or is this just me trying to hold on to her? I had finally paid off my legal fees, and had began to put my finances in order...I'm trying to decide if this is worth it or just move on and figure this is the last money she will ever get from me. That doesn't seem right or fair though. What are your thoughts?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Usually in a contempt case you can bang the other party for legal fees too.

If I had been in your position I wouldn't have paid CS during the time the case was pending. In my state, you can't get back support payments that were already made, even if they're after the date of the filing of the initial petition.


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## ffghtr67 (Jul 23, 2012)

I'm wondering now if I got some bad legal advice.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

ffghtr67 said:


> So my question is this, do you think the $2K that she owes is enough to go after her in a contempt of court charge? My attorney charges $168/hour, I am finally moving on from the shock and emotions of the divorce, but that $2K would really be nice to put towards that $7500 loan I am trying to pay off.


Do it yourself -- pro se. It's not that difficult. You can find most of what you need online. Ask your lawyer to review your paperwork and advise you on procedure before you do it.

I've done it once already over unpaid shared expenses and unpaid bills on a mortgage that my ex hasn't refinanced yet... And I'm getting ready to do it again. My attorney didn't even charge for the time he took to review my paperwork and answer my questions on the process.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I think it's at least worth looking into. For me, $2K is not something I can afford to write off, even if I wanted to. But then, my entire divorce cost me around $3K because I did some of my own legwork, and parking is free for the first hour, and 50c for the 2nd if you use the downtown ramp by the county courthouse where I live.  Point being, not everyone's situation or laws, courts, etc., are the same. It's *always* worth looking at your options. Look for free legal clinics. If you are lucky enough to live near a law school, you can often find free or very cheap legal help from near-lawyers, working under the supervision of their profs. Or (and some of you won't be surprised to hear me say it  ) you can always see what kind of do-it-yourself legal books are available through your library. NOLO may have published something -- they do a lot of legal self-help books.

You are now pretty much the sole parent/caregiver/provider for two kids. Undoubtedly that money will come in handy sooner rather than later. Weigh your options and see how much you can do without it costing more than you'd gain.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I'd say consult an attorney - a new one. Usually a consultation is a rather reasonable fee. Worth throwing that out there. As others said, look at whether you would reasonably get the court fees back. Research what you have to prove to the court - can you prove you have tried to contact her repeatedly? 

FYI - I use readnotify.com to track all emails to my ex. The delivery certificates are court admissible. I can prove I have advised him of everything I need to. It's worth the annual fee to know my butt is covered. Perhaps a subscription and a final notice to her that you are considering legal action if she does not comply. That alone may do the trick. BUT you should feel confident she has sufficient income to levy and be prepared to follow through if she refuses.

Maybe you can get her to agree to deduct it from the pension payout? You won't have it now (odds are you are going to get small payments anyway) but at least it's guaranteed. And that wouldn't cost you anything.


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## ffghtr67 (Jul 23, 2012)

Thanks for the help! I think I am going to send her an email next week, will then consult an attorney. Pro Se is definitely an interesting option.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I was wondering why the 34K payout can't be modified to reflect what she owes?


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

ffghtr67 said:


> I am struggling with this decision. Hope some of you who have been in my shoes can give me your perspective and opinion.
> 
> You can read my other strings if you want to know all the particulars but the short story is this: wife is a walk away, we had agreed to shared parenting and I was supposed to pay $450/month CS. Six weeks after the dissolution was final, WAW moved 150 miles away with new boyfriend leaving kids with me.
> 
> ...


First of all, how do you get a lawyer that only costs $168 an hour? That seems like a god send compared to what I paid. Seriously though, that makes taking legal action to enforce the agreement feasible.

I would ask the lawyer about writing a demand letter and having a hearing with her subpeonaed. She might pay up simply to avoid attending the hearing, as she was not entitled to the money during that time (I'm assuming you can prove the kids were with you for those four months at issue here).

Is she paying you any support now that she only has what looks like 20% custody (or less)? If not, this might be a good time to wrap this up into one combined issue.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> I was wondering why the 34K payout can't be modified to reflect what she owes?


In my divorce (and as in common in CA) the retirement accounts are split in a straight 50/50 manner. If he wants to change this, that would also require a court order. Also, because he is talking about $1,800 presently and the retirement payout is a future benefit, an actuary would need to be brought in to determine how much $1,800 will be worth in the future.


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## ffghtr67 (Jul 23, 2012)

When we went filed for an amended case only the shared parenting plan was altered. The division of property order and the original dissolution remained the same. 

I agreed to no CS because I didn't want to have her in my life any longer and I didn't want anything else from her. I thought it was the only way to really keep NC in place, I didn't want to have to see her. I never though of the money as being for my kids...I should have considered that prior to accepting the agreement. My attorney did say that the deal was much better than I could have expected in a long drawn out battle, so I accepted it.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Your attorney was not really on your side, in my opinion. I'm sorry you didn't get a better deal. Many courts still hold that the woman in the relationship is somehow, "weaker", as a human in comparison to a man. It flies in the face of accepted norms today. It does color many decisions in divorce, custody, and child support battles. I'm sorry. 

You do have your daughter and can make a good life for you both. You can raise her with good values. You can share in all her achievements without worry of contact. If there ever is contact, though, and I believe there will be, unless your wife has moved far away or you have, you can go back to court and press for NC. Be careful about alienating your daughter, though. It's a tough situation. You can do it! Take pride in your daughter and give her the best life you can. She will always love her daddy.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I'm a bit torn in the sense I would be afraid that this would open up another can of worms. I just hear of several dads being screwed even when they have custody.. 

I'm at a similar juncture in my divorce and I am looking to make some changes. Part of me is afraid to stir stuff up and let sleeping giants lie..


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

ffghtr67 said:


> When we went filed for an amended case only the shared parenting plan was altered. The division of property order and the original dissolution remained the same.
> 
> I agreed to no CS because I didn't want to have her in my life any longer and I didn't want anything else from her. I thought it was the only way to really keep NC in place, I didn't want to have to see her. I never though of the money as being for my kids...I should have considered that prior to accepting the agreement. My attorney did say that the deal was much better than I could have expected in a long drawn out battle, so I accepted it.


Legally, that money is for your kids, as far as I know. Neither of you have the right to permanently sign away something that is for them - only for yourselves.

This is how my settlement worked out. My ex and I both waived the right to get spousal support. Since this is for us, we can do this. I signed the document and testified to my willingness to do so in court. I can't go back on it even if I wanted.

Child support was set at zero (notice the difference in wording). This was done because our financial situations are similar and any award would be minimal. It can be changed later if circumstances warrant. That is the law.

I know some things can vary based on state law. I would be extremely surprised if this was not consistent. Being able to sign away child support would create a situation easily abused. Let's say I was making my old pay and I was on the hook for $500 a month (just a guess). Suppose my ex comes up and says "look, I don't want a monthly check - sign over your 50% of the retirement and we'll call it even". Who takes care of the kids?

If I were you, I'd do two things right now. First, read your settlement documents - critically - and see what exactly they say. Then consult with another lawyer and explain what is bothering you and see what can be done about it.


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## IronWine29 (Dec 31, 2013)

I'd check on the child support with another attorney. In my state, because the child support is owed the child, not the parent, outside agreements are not enforceable. In addition, the payments are garnished from any wages earned -- the other party never sees the money. I know that varies from state to state, but worth checking out.


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