# Being oversexed



## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

I guess oversexed is the right word I'm looking for ha! But its what was said to me by a friend of mine. 

Anyway, had this conversation last night with a friend of mine while out at dinner. She tells me her husband thinks she is oversexed! I asked her why he felt that way. She tells me she loves sex and she talks about, thinks about it wants it all the time! I know I know, probably hard for some to believe. 

Anyway, I asked her if her husband had a problem with that, and there were lots of men who probably would give their right arm to be in her husbands shoes right now! She tells me he is fine with it, but at times he feels its all she wants. She doesn't show much love, as far as little things like kisses and hugs, etc, He feels they actually have little in common other than sex. They are both big into fitness, and love outdoor stuff, but she says he feels its all about sex for her. He feels she is almost consumed with it, and actually told her there was more to life, not that it wasn't important, because it was very important but she didn't seem to know how to communicate other than through sex. 

She told me, last night she came to the realization that her high sex drive comes from the lack of love and support she got from her parents. She was looking for love, but got it confused with sex. She even stated that in past relationships before meeting her now husband, that the guys she would go out with, she equated sex for love. She really wasn't looking so much for sex, but more for love. She would use her body as a means of trying to get the "love" she never felt or received.

So, I was just wondering if there were other people who feel they are oversexed? If so, why do you feel you are? If there are people who have been involved with others who were oversexed, why do you feel they were? 

Yes, I do feel there are people who just have a high sex drive, plain and simple, but I also have to wonder if there are some people (like my friend) whose high sex drive is based on something they might have lacked or are lacking and its used more of a replacement. 

Thoughts?


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I think there is a chance that I am. I cannot really put a reason on mine though. I think a lot of it for me is my lack of self-confidence. Still not sure of the cause of that either. I had good loving parents, etc, etc.

I was mildly sexually abused by my brother so that may have something to do with it, but if it does it is totally subconsciously. I have always had a mega-high sex drive, however I was a virgin until my Sophomore year in College so I don't think I was out of control with it. To be honest, I don't know if I am "oversexed" or if I just have a REALLY high drive. Is there a gauge for that?


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

frustr8dhubby said:


> I think there is a chance that I am. I cannot really put a reason on mine though. I think a lot of it for me is my lack of self-confidence. Still not sure of the cause of that either. I had good loving parents, etc, etc.
> 
> I was mildly sexually abused by my brother so that may have something to do with it, but if it does it is totally subconsciously. I have always had a mega-high sex drive, however I was a virgin until my Sophomore year in College so I don't think I was out of control with it. To be honest, I don't know if I am "oversexed" or if I just have a REALLY high drive. Is there a gauge for that?


Whats "mildly sexually abused?" :scratchhead:


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

My first wife was like this. She was all about sex and drugs. 

I think with both of those things, it came from things she may have lacked as a child. She didn't have the best relationship with her mother. Her father wasn't there, so there were probably abandament issues there. 

She lacked communication and coping skills. I think in her mind her doing drugs to "escape" her pain, and being very sexual had alot to do with finding some kind of acceptance by men. She always hit me as a person who felt she needed to have sex all the time as a way to keep a man in her life. I think she felt, if she didn't have sex with them all the time, she would lose them. She put very little effort into other areas of our marriage, because I think she truly didn't know how to, she didn't know much other than popping pills, drinking and having sex. 

I divorced her, and have since remarried. However, the last I heard she was still on drugs and probably having sex with other men to get her fix for her drugs. Its sad, and I'm surprised she hasn't wound up dead.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Sheepishly raising my hand as I think this has applied to me as well. I often wondered if I didn't have a sex addiction. It was all I thought about, all I wanted, and it was the only way I knew how to express love.

My parents were abusive so I know I have abandonment issues, problems with true intimacy, and am having to learn how to show love in other ways besides sex. I've been in therapy for a while so I'm learning how to show and receive love in other ways and as a result I've noticed I'm not as obsessed with sex as I used to be. My drive is still high and it probably always will be but adding that layer of emotional connection has actually made the sex better more meaningful so I don't need it as much. Make sense?


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

AgentD,

Meaning I don't have much recollection of it and I can only think of a couple of instances. It wasn't ongoing and long-term. I don't want to get too descriptive but most of it was fairly "harmless".


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

frustr8dhubby said:


> AgentD,
> 
> Meaning I don't have much recollection of it and I can only think of a couple of instances. It wasn't ongoing and long-term. I don't want to get too descriptive but most of it was fairly "harmless".


It's never "harmless" as I've learned in therapy. I was mildly sexually abused by my father and it was very harmful. He didn't molest me but he did and said innappropriate things in my presence. He even encouraged me to start sleeping around at an early age so he could hear details of it. I stayed a virgin for me but it's not what he wanted and he told me so. He actually berated me and called me "frigid" for not wanting to have sex when I was 15-18 years old.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Define 'oversexed'?

I would like sex 2-3 times a week with my wife, she only 'wants' (rather, 'lets me have it') it once a month.

By her standards, that makes me oversexed.....


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Wow, what timing. DH and I were just talking about this last night!

I have a naturally higher than average sex drive, but it fluctuates immensely. That's just always been normal for me, not oversexed in any sense.

However, as I've talked about before, I was the awful wife who refused sex and intimacy in my marriage for the past 4 years. When I finally came around, realized what I was doing to my husband, and changed several months ago, things changed. I vowed to *never* do anything like that to him again and he forgave me. 

The problem? I still haven't forgiven myself. I'm carrying so much guilt over denying him for years, I literally feel like I'm trying to "make up" for 4 years of not meeting his needs. I've put _so much pressure on myself_, I've essentially become oversexed, I suppose. He's already told me he's forgiven me and we're starting over, but I'm still so focused on all the negative things I did and I'm tying to redeem myself.

I'm pushing myself at a sexual pace that I can't keep up with. Maybe part of it is out of desperation, that I don't want to slip back into who I was before. I have a tendency to swing to extremes. At some point I'm going to have to find a middle ground.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

jezza said:


> Define 'oversexed'?
> 
> I would like sex 2-3 times a week with my wife, she only 'wants' (rather, 'lets me have it') it once a month.
> 
> By her standards, that makes me oversexed.....


I would think it means in excessive amounts. ALL the time. 

You wanting it 2 or 3 times a week doesn't hit me as you being oversexed. Although your wife may view it that way!


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Mgirl - your husband is one lucky guy!

And well done to you for realising your 'problem' and your determination to put things right!


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

trey69 said:


> I would think it means in excessive amounts. ALL the time.


:iagree:

This is what I was about to say...


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

My husband mentioned this once to me last year.

Said sex was all I thought about and talked about and he was wondering if I cared about him (without sex)?

Why is it that the spouse first goes to the "sex is all you think about" line of thought when their spouse wants to get it on?

I just don't get it - probably never will.

You would think this would be a good thing - but to some, apparently it's not.

Of course you're going to think about sex and want it all the time if you aren't getting any. It's like air - you don't realize how much you need it until you don't have any.

I didn't use to think about sex all the time, but when the well started running dry - yes - it became my #1 thought.

Now, I've been trying to quit pressuring my husband and trying to support and help him work through his many issues concerning our sex life - while that has helped me calm down about the issue, it hasn't increased frequency at all - in fact, with me not pressuring or saying anything - it's not happening. 

It's like the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about.

I'm just being patient - we'll see if it pays off in the long run - if not, then I guess I'll have to take some sort of action. 

In the meantime, I believe my patience now - will reap bigger (YES) rewards in the future (I hope).


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

jezza said:


> Define 'oversexed'?
> 
> I would like sex 2-3 times a week with my wife, she only 'wants' (rather, 'lets me have it') it once a month.
> 
> By her standards, that makes me oversexed.....


For me when I was oversexed I wanted it daily and thought twice would have been even better. Now we've settled into an average of 3 times a week and that has been agreeable for both of us.

You aren't oversexed by any stretch. If anything she is undersexed.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Said sex was all I thought about and talked about and he was wondering if I cared about him (without sex)?
> 
> Why is it that the spouse first goes to the "sex is all you think about" line of thought when their spouse wants to get it on?


Your situation is different. You got cut off somehow which led to yes you yearning for what you weren't getting. Thats different than say me only wanting sex from my dh and refusing to give him love in other ways. He rightfully could say "sex is all I thought about" and he'd be right. Now he can't because I've fixed it. I now hug him, kiss him, touch him without expecting sex, say things and do things without expectations, that kind of thing.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

magnoliagal,

That's why I put "harmless" in quotes. I meant it never got to actual penetration or anything like that (sorry to be graphic). I'm sure there is some emotional scar somewhere on me because of it (well hating my brother for one) but for the most part I don't see it affecting any part of my life.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

I guess when I mean my post as being "oversexed" it was more about it always being like for some people and the reason(s) behind it. Not so much about the people who aren't getting any sex and want it really bad, because I totally get that if you're not getting sex, then you would really want it.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Ah well I took it a different way. I am fascinated by sex. Sometimes almost consumed with it. I think about it OFTEN. Watch small amounts of porn almost nightly, unless the wife and I are actually having real sex then it tends to wane.

Kinky stuff intrigues me, etc. I have kind of always been this way. I am a bit of a voyeur, etc. So I probably am oversexed. :scratchhead:


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

MGirl said:


> See, this is where we're at...an average of 3 times a week seems to be perfect for both of us, but then I feel _guilty_ on the off days and force myself into wanting it, even though I don't. I'm very selfish by nature(who isn't, though) and I am terrified of slipping back into my old patterns of pushing him away. So I control the situation the only way I know how...by trying to "make" myself want sex all the time so I won't refuse him again. But it's wearing me down and I just can't keep up. I don't trust myself enough to be selfless. It's completely messed up, I know. And I'm *still* making it about me, aren't I? Good thing I'm seeing my therapist today as well


This made me smile. Isn't it goofy the things we concoct in our heads? I too tend to be selfish by nature and while I don't fear pushing my dh away I fear slipping into old patterns of only wanting him for sex so that stops me from initiating beyond the 3 times per week. Now thats messed up. And truthfully the sex is better when we wait a couple of days in between so I don't know why I feel this panic sometimes over the frequency. And he's told me time and time again that he LOVES it when I initiate so I'm sure he's up for more but I can't get out of my own head to figure out exactly what I want or don't want.

And yes I'm still making it be all about me.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

frustr8dhubby said:


> magnoliagal,
> 
> That's why I put "harmless" in quotes. I meant it never got to actual penetration or anything like that (sorry to be graphic). I'm sure there is some emotional scar somewhere on me because of it (well hating my brother for one) but for the most part I don't see it affecting any part of my life.


Oh I knew what you meant I just think these experiences do change us. My parents were heavily into porn, oversexed themselves, walked around naked, screwed in the middle of the afternoon and talked about their sex life a lot.

And I wonder why I grew up oversexed....it's all I know from watching my parents. Then I go and marry a guy whose parents NEVER shared a bedroom. They probably had sex only to conceive then she cut him off. She'll tell you she only married to have kids.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

frustr8dhubby said:


> Ah well I took it a different way. I am fascinated by sex. Sometimes almost consumed with it. I think about it OFTEN. Watch small amounts of porn almost nightly, unless the wife and I are actually having real sex then it tends to wane.
> 
> Kinky stuff intrigues me, etc. I have kind of always been this way. I am a bit of a voyeur, etc. So I probably am oversexed. :scratchhead:


Me too. Mostly I hide that side of myself from my dh. I'm kind of ashamed of it. He's more the vanilla sex kind but occasionally I see another side so maybe there is more there. Don't know.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I'm not ashamed and my wife knows full well my "strangeness". 

I'm not into anything really crazy, I'm just easily turned on.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I could think of worse ways to die than chapping.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

MGirl said:


> My husband is also pretty vanilla as well, but I gave up pretending I am as well. He thinks it's pretty amusing, really, and sure doesn't mind a bit  It helps that he's very open and non-judgmental, so I really don't feel ashamed about my fascinations.


I'm getting there. At almost 45 I find I'm tired of pretending I'm not highly sexual. I've decided to take that risk and find out what he's made of. Either he's game or he's not. I figured better to find out now than spend another 20 years hiding.

So far he's been game.  His responses puzzle me but he sure is quick to get naked when I suggest something different though. Mixed messages. He says one thing but does something different. Does not compute.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> he sure is quick to get naked when I suggest something different though.


Well, I'd take that as a pretty strong message right there


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Aye, me too. I'm lucky to get my wife completely naked at any point much less if I suggested something "different".


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

MGirl said:


> Well, I'd take that as a pretty strong message right there


You sure? Then why does he say differently? He acts like he isn't interested but if I bring it up he practically runs to the bedroom. I don't get it. Like I said mixed messages.

Edited to add he gets more excited about what I'm cooking for dinner (I'm a good cook) than sex. I get no mixed messages there.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I actually knew a girl at college once who talked about the importance of sex all the time. So much so, it made me wonder if something was wrong with her. :scratchhead:

No one in our group doubted or didn't believe that sex wasn't important or didn't play a big role in a relationship/marriage. Because we all agreed it did. But she almost would over do it, on the importance of it. I remember someone had asked her once if she actually had an issue with sex. She was shocked and couldn't believe the question because she made it clear how important it was over and over again. 

I think she truly thought that because she had sex with her fiance' all the time and made out how important it was, that others should have the same amount of importance on the issue and when others didn't she felt their relationships would fail.  It made me wonder if sex was all she had going for her period, and that was all she had to bring to a relationship.

I do think there are some people who know nothing about a true relationship other than sex.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

More Kink, please.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I think sex seems so much more important when you aren't getting any or your needs aren't being met, and that goes for anything. Any type of physical or emotional needs. If somethings not right, it is on your mind a lot and it becomes something you focus on and interferes with the rest of your relationship.

If all of these things are good it is much easier to have a great relationship in all respects.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

jezza said:


> Define 'oversexed'?
> 
> I would like sex 2-3 times a week with my wife, she only 'wants' (rather, 'lets me have it') it once a month.
> 
> By her standards, that makes me oversexed.....


Same here..2 times a week would be great.
Once a month is not enough.
I wish I was "Over Sexed" Damn............:smthumbup:


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Fordsvt said:


> Same here..2 times a week would be great.
> Once a month is not enough.
> I wish I was "Over Sexed" Damn............:smthumbup:


Be careful what you wish for. Being oversexed has it's downsides. Last night we had bad storms roll through so we stayed up to keep an eye on things (we have 3 young kids) and all I could think of was wonder if we can beat the storms (quickie). Or maybe can we have sex while watching the weather channel.

Dh is all serious getting blankets, flashlights and all I can think about is getting him naked. There is something seriously wrong with me.

Oh and no we didn't have sex....I didn't say a word. I just gave him a back rub and had lusty thoughts.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

You should have just flipped him over and taken control.
All men like that!!! Trust Me!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

AgentD said:


> She told me, last night she came to the realization that her high sex drive comes from the lack of love and support she got from her parents. She was looking for love, but got it confused with sex. She even stated that in past relationships before meeting her now husband, that the guys she would go out with, she equated sex for love. She really wasn't looking so much for sex, but more for love. She would use her body as a means of trying to get the "love" she never felt or received.


This is a symptom of *Sex Addiction *>>
Here is a list :


-I look at pornographic materials (magazines, videos, books, Internet, television, even clothing catalogs). 

- My mind is consumed with sexual thoughts. 

- I frequently have mood swings before and after sex.

- I often use sex as a means of escape, tension release, or stress reduction. 

- I've tried to stop or even limit my inappropriate sexual behaviors, but keep going back to them.

- My sexual habits cost me time with my family.

- Even though I have sexual relations with my spouse, I still act out alone or with others.

- I have intense feelings of shame, guilt, and unworthiness.

- I fear rejection and abandonment.

- I struggle with feelings of loneliness, depression, and despair.

- *I think that sex equals love and love equals sex*.

- I spend a good deal of time in chat rooms.

- Secretly I get up at night to watch television or movies, or go online.

- I change from one relationship to another often.





AgentD said:


> So, I was just wondering if there were other people who feel they are oversexed? If so, why do you feel you are? If there are people who have been involved with others who were oversexed, why do you feel they were?


 I feel I am definitely "over sexed" these days and it has been the most enjoyable ride of my life, I am having a grand time with it, but I do have a willing partner, even if he struggles to keep up sometimes, less now than when this started for me. 

I have questioned a # of times If I have an addiction. I even posted on an Addiction Forum once to see what others thought about my crazy situation. (I claim the 1st 2 symptoms above, I rent Porn & enjoy it and my thoughts are often consumed with sex , can't get enough of talking about it, learning about it, doing it & looking forward to doing it again) but the rest is not true of me. 

I am such an ODD case, I never had feelings like this before. I was more REPRESSED for most of my marraige (husband used to Joke I was like a NUN) , and I feel what happened to ME is I went from Repression to Obsession. MGirl understands some of this, she posted on my thread with My personal story. (Wish this happened to me at her age!) 

Like the Damm finally let loose in my life and Now in my 40's I am experiencing what most Teens & young adults do BEFORE they are married with kids. My time coming after I had all of my children, husband never thought he would see the day!  

The down side >> It has bothered me my husband is slowing down, plays on my mind sometimes. LIke we missed too much of our youth. 

I was the good girl who saved herself for marraige, so I never used Sex for LOVE. 

I also never felt this before - but always took my husbands desire for granted. Now with being OVER SEXED & feeling this way, I tend to care more about HIS DESIRE for me than how much he LOVES me. I really don't care to hear "I love you", I prefer to hear "I WANT you" instead. I think this is a symptom of "Romance Addiction" or something. I got a mixture of that going on too. See my name on here truly fits the personality. Ha ha 

The most trauma I have had in my childhood is my mother leaving me at age 10 , so I guess some abandonment things going on deep within, but other than this, pretty normal, never been in counseling or need of anything to fix my head so to speak.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Fordsvt said:


> You should have just flipped him over and taken control.
> All men like that!!! Trust Me!


I got brave and told my husband when he came home for lunch what I wished I'd done while watching the weather channel. He asked why didn't I go for it? Guess you were right I should have taken matters into my own hands maybe then I wouldn't be sitting here a bit frustrated. Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

SA I am so much like you. What is it with being in our 40s. Its all I can think about aometimes. Dh joked the other night that I wore him out. I kinda tempted him into round 2 which rarely happens. Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

SA, so what do you feel changed for you? If you weren't like this before, and were more repressed, what do you feel changed from being repressed to more obsessed?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Fordsvt said:


> You should have just flipped him over and taken control.
> All men like that!!! Trust Me!


Black Out baby boom. Also seen 9 months after hurricanes, ice storms, terrorist attacks and a Hollywood writer's strike.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Magnoliagal, I have tried to find more things to read on this -as it appears NOT all women go through it ! BUt literally some of us turn into the "Mrs Robinsons", that "Cougar" stage. 

In one of my Hormone books, it says many older women are best "sexually" matched with younger men - Oh how I can relate to this, I was telling my husband for a time, I could have taken on 3 men. God I am thankful he does not get offended by the things I say ! Here is something I found on the internet to explain just a little bit hormonally >>>


> *Balance the seesaw*.
> 
> When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
> 
> Again, hormonal changes are bringing the couple into closer balance. Men and women both produce testosterone and estrogen, but the proportion of each changes over the years. The male's shifting levels of estrogen and testosterone may make him more willing to follow than to lead, happy for his wife to set the pace. And as a woman's estrogen declines and her testosterone becomes proportionately greater, she may become more assertive.


CallaLily , you asked what I feel changed me SO drastically. Oh what a loaded question. A # of things : Hormones, a Mid Life Crisis, loosing my religion just to name a few . 

I think I was TOO busy planning, saving , building our dreams, kids, and being too spiritually minded to smell the roses of fleshly PLEASURE to be quite honest, and my husband never being the sexually aggressive type & himself having some good ol' repression going on himself did us NO favors. 

My crazy story & me attempting to make sense of it here >>> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...sets-collide-sexually-repressed-awakened.html


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

SA- I was definitely questioning whether I was "obsessed" a few months ago...I can still identify with a few of the "symptoms" you listed above, but only a few. I think maybe I was just trying to get it out of my system? Does that make sense? I'd held myself down for so long, I kind of went overboard when I finally came out of my shell. I really feel like I've "calmed down" now, though. I mean, calm as in not wanting it every second of the day. There are some days I don't think about it much at all. It doesn't control me like it did a few months ago. That's such a weight off my shoulders. 

My problem is that I've somehow separated sex from emotion, which is becoming a problem. It's all physical for me, which gets pretty boring pretty quick in and of itself. I'd trained myself to separate the two for years, now I've got to figure out how to put them back together...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

As 'addictions' go...let's see; crack, eating, booze, gambling. Oh yeah I choose out of control boinkery.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

IDK what a high drive is attributed to at all but I have a friend who said she is ready to go 24/7, that it actually creates problems in her relationship cause she wants to do it a few times a day and her boyf is worn out. LOL.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> As 'addictions' go...let's see; crack, eating, booze, gambling. Oh yeah I choose out of control boinkery.


:rofl:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MGirl said:


> SA- I was definitely questioning whether I was "obsessed" a few months ago...I can still identify with a few of the "symptoms" you listed above, but only a few. I think maybe I was just trying to get it out of my system? Does that make sense? I'd held myself down for so long, I kind of went overboard when I finally came out of my shell.


 I am no psychologist, but if something is within us all along and held back for other insane reasons, it makes sense to me, if something sexual strikes your fancy, you may go HOG WILD with it for a time-if you dare allow yourself. It is a new exciting pleasure, it has an addicting allure to it. 

I wonder how long it lasted for YOU MGirl?

For me personally, it was more than just mental, I had REAL physical symptoms similar to teenage boys, the fowl underarms (embarrasing I know- I needed clinical strength all of a sudden!), excessive energy, I hardly needed to sleep, I was literally "wet" 24/7, I have never in my life experienced 1 orgasm after another -except during that time, and I craved it 3 times a day. I needed virtually zero forplay! 

I kept a sex calendar and this wonderful lustful feeling lasted a total of 8 months straight. I used to lay there & watch the clock dying for that morning erection that I could take advantage of. 

Now I feel my Libido is pretty much EXACTLY the same as it originally was- but a whole new minset has emerged -what a blessing. I have come down from the insatiable LUSTY clouds, but because of that glorious (but yet at times tormenting) experience, I now "get" what I was missing, and never want to go back to a ho-hum once a week vanilla sex life. 

Now mentally , with some needed forplay-like the olden days , we are keeping it JUST as alive as it was during that very seductive time & spell I was under. 




MGirl said:


> I really feel like I've "calmed down" now, though. I mean, calm as in not wanting it every second of the day. There are some days I don't think about it much at all. It doesn't control me like it did a few months ago. That's such a weight off my shoulders....


 I can identify with the "weight" feeling. Everything became boring to me in comparison. I kept thinking to myself, how in Gods name do young men get anything done, how do they make it through High school /College with their minds like this! ? 

I was seriously undressing every man I seen in public, talk about Oogling - my mind could not dare help it . I have to admit it was FUN, I doubt the men would care ! It is not like they would know, I was not about to go up & ask anyone out for a ride. ha ha My husband got all the benefits of my lusty oogling, so he surely didn't care. He found it all quite fasinating. 



MGirl said:


> My problem is that I've somehow separated sex from emotion, which is becoming a problem. It's all physical for me, which gets pretty boring pretty quick in and of itself. I'd trained myself to separate the two for years, now I've got to figure out how to put them back together...


 This is something I have never done in my marraige -but during that 8 months with THAT HIGH TESTOSTERONE Raging through my body, I KNOW I could have EASILY separated the 2. It is very strange, as I never felt that way before. I told my husband on a few occasions, if he did not take care of me & I was out somewhere and some hot young thing seduced me, I likely would have not been able to resist the urge. And trust me when I say, this is NOT me. I am just speaking about how powerful that sexual pull was for me during that time. 

I NO longer FEEL this way. I know it was hormonally charged -for me.

Why do you feel this way Mgirl -this separation, where do you think this came from ????


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Why do you feel this way Mgirl -this separation, where do you think this came from ????


I'm still trying to figure it out...I think it still comes down to guilt issues from religion, though. In high school, when dh and I couldn't keep our hands off each other, it wasn't just "touching" that made me feel guilty, it was *wanting* to do things I knew I wasn't supposed to that made me feel guilty as well. I resented my own emotions and essentially shut myself down out of self-preservation.

By nature, I am an extremely emotional person. I'm very sensitive and not at all a cold person in the slightest, so it makes it all the more puzzling that I approach sex with so little emotion. I really think I've just put up a HUGE emotional brick wall to protect myself from my guilt concerning sex and I've been unsuccessful in breaking that down so far.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> As 'addictions' go...let's see; crack, eating, booze, gambling. Oh yeah I choose out of control boinkery.


Sure you would  What man wouldn't?

Ha! But look at what MEM's wife did to him awhile back...can you imagine if she kept demanding sex multiple times a day forever? I'm sure a "boinking" addiction isn't quite as *nice* as we'd like to think it may be


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> As 'addictions' go...let's see; crack, eating, booze, gambling. Oh yeah I choose out of control boinkery.


You know as much as I complain about being oversexed I have to say I wouldn't change it even if I had the chance. I kinda like that part of me even if yes it has caused problems in several of my relationships. Helps now that I've fixed what was wrong.

And SA I've rethought the whole age 40 thing. I mean who am I kidding I've been like this since I was 12 and discovered masterbation. My 40's have just brought a sense of urgency in that I'm not getting any younger. If I want a more satisfying sex life I'd better get to it. Time to shake up my vanilla husband a bit if you kwim.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

MGirl said:


> Sure you would  What man wouldn't?
> 
> Ha! But look at what MEM's wife did to him awhile back...can you imagine if she kept demanding sex multiple times a day forever? I'm sure a "boinking" addiction isn't quite as *nice* as we'd like to think it may be


Depends on the man for sure. Mine didn't care for it. He'd go 2 months and not want to have anything to do with me. I heard all I cared about was sex and those words hurt.

What I see now is he wanted the emotional connection to go with it and I just wanted to have sex. I know now the more emotion I put into it the more sex he wants to have. It's win/win for both us.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Death by chapping and dehydration. Hey nobody lives forever. 

I'm sure it's not all that funny but.....addiction? It doesn't cost anything, it's not illegal and you can do it until your penis falls off.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Death by chapping and dehydration. Hey nobody lives forever.
> 
> I'm sure it's not all that funny but.....addiction? It doesn't cost anything, it's not illegal and you can do it until your penis falls off.


Eh, who said anything about dying? Just a long life of...chapping and dehydration?  Geez.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I am sure it's a burden to be on the receiving end of someone who's drive is much much higher than their own. After all that's what many of the people here talk about. I don't get it, I don't understand it. But I can appreciate it. What I don't get is feeling victimized by one's own sex drive AND it's being met. I hate these buttered lobster tails and they're such small portions?????


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> What I don't get is feeling victimized by one's own sex drive AND it's being met.


Sorry but I went probably 7 years without it being met - not even close. Another oh 10 years with it sort of being met but still seriously lacking. It's just been in the last year or so that things have been s l o w l y starting to finally work. So do I have twangs of feeling victimized by my own sex drive? Yes.


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## Boogsie (Aug 24, 2010)

I always thought oversexed women were a myth. Something postulated by guys in sexless marriages to give the rest of us schlubs hope. :scratchhead:

I turned 40 a few months ago. I have the exact same drive I had at my "prime" as a young lad. I would like sex every day. I could even do multiple times a day, or even session. I would settle for once to twice a week. Instead I get full fledged sex about once every 1-4 months with a helping hand every couple of weeks.

I have a friend who complains because this 40s and sex maniac thing happened to his wife. I wish I had his problems.

The real bad thing is I know what it CAN be like because when I was younger I dated a woman who was very open minded and enjoyed sex as much as I did. Logistics ended things for us, but I do know what it can be like to have a fullfilling sex life and I think that is really what hurts most. Maybe I would be in a different state of mind if I didn't know what I was missing?


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## rppearso (Feb 4, 2011)

I was a bit just scaled it back to every other day, since I cum in my wifes mouth 99% of the time its way hotter when the load is huge. There was once she was out of town for like a week and when I came and saw it in her mouth it would have been like 4 table spoons or more. So waiting has its advantages, when you finally blow your load in her mouth its pretty mind blowing.


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## rppearso (Feb 4, 2011)

Boogsie said:


> I always thought oversexed women were a myth. Something postulated by guys in sexless marriages to give the rest of us schlubs hope. :scratchhead:
> 
> I turned 40 a few months ago. I have the exact same drive I had at my "prime" as a young lad. I would like sex every day. I could even do multiple times a day, or even session. I would settle for once to twice a week. Instead I get full fledged sex about once every 1-4 months with a helping hand every couple of weeks.
> 
> ...


Why do you men stay with these woman? Its hard to have sympathy when the complaining goes on and on and on and no divorce papers are ever filed.


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