# not coping



## katie1234 (Feb 28, 2009)

I have been with my husband for about 4 years and married for 3, i am still only very young and he is 6 years older than me. 4 weeks ago he started to get weird towards me and started being cruel. A week later he told me that he wants a couple of weeks to get his head together about whether he wants to be with me anymore so he went to stay with his sister. The last 3 weeks have been an absolute rollercoaster of emotions for me, i cant sleep properly, ive lost about 4 kilos and i feel like i cant think straight with all the "what if" thoughts and emotions. In the last 3 weeks he's turned completely cold towards me when we used to have quite a loving relationship. We had our problems which im willing to work through because i love him to death. Ive never been with anyone else and i couldnt bear the thought of us being apart. Ive let him know that i will do anything in my power to make this relationship work but he just tells me that he doesnt want to put himself back in the situation incase it goes back to the way it was. Ive done everything i can to get him home. Ive gone to see him and he shuts me out, ive taken him over his favourite dinner, i send him txt messages. I just need some advice on what is the best thing i can do to save this marriage and cope with these emotions. :scratchhead:


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## lovie (Feb 17, 2009)

First, I would like to say that I'm sorry for your situation.. I really feel for you. Although I have never been in this type of situation, I wanted to be of some kind of help, and give the best advice that I can give.

I think you just need to have a long talk with him. There needs to be more communication as to why the sudden change. You had stated that he told you he needs time apart because he's afraid things will " go back to what used to be". Im assuming that he wasnt very happy, even though you thought the relationship was loving and seeminly ok. Maybe if you talk to him about why he was/is unhappy, and then work on changing thoes things together.

My other suggestion, is maybe just give it some time. He has been away for quite some time, but you keep trying, getting him dinner, visiting etc....which I dont blame you at all. I probably eould do the same myself. But maybe if you leave him alone, he will realize what he is missing.

I hope this has healped in some way, I tried my best. As for you, I know you love him very much, I can see that. I am sure that things will work out for the best Have a wonderfull day.


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## Mr Mom (Feb 10, 2009)

Katie - I am in very similar place as you right now mentally as my wife has emotionally left our relationship of 14+ years. She has asked for a 'trial separation' and this basically will buy her a few weeks to find an apartment while she still resides in the home. I feel as you stated....Can't sleep, not hungry (I have lost 20 lbs in the last 6 weeks), unable to concentrate, rollercoaster of emotions.....Im there with you. 
You will need to take some steps.....first. Find yourself. Im still working on that on my end but you need to be #1. Second, if you are having trouble finding yourself, seek help. PCP first, individual therapy second, meds if needed. Third, keep reaching out for support - family, close friends, call a friend you have not talked to in over a year. 
My heart aches for you as I know you are feeling many of the same things I am. It looks like communication is there from you but not from him. Affection is there from you but not from him. My friends keep telling me to be strong.....and I need to share that with you....BE STRONG. You can work through this and find happiness.


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## sadhusband (Mar 23, 2009)

Stinks. Ask him if you can meet and have him tell you what he wants and why? Wow... stinks.


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