# What could he mean by that ???



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

My husband told me he wants a divorce on Labor Day weekend....mainly because of my failure to handle money and me (not intentionally) ignoring his frustration about it for years....

He said he doesn't love me anymore, just wants to be friends and he needs the divorce to get better (has developed depression, stomach problems, black outs and anger management problems)....

Anyway....after begging and pleading and finally agreeing to the divorce we're doing much better...although he's already had started the D-paperwork.....

His angry and resentful mood has changed to a nice and sometimes even happy mood....

Anyway....I've started making a lot of changes, as I promised, especially in the financial sector....

We are having sex almost daily and so far he didn't orgasm saying he can't and it hurts....

Anyway....yesterday we've had sex and he finished :smthumbup: and he said it didn't hurt this time....

We also cuddle a lot in bed, which we haven't done for years.....

Today I asked him how much a tire for my truck costs, because I need one new one.....

He told me he knows about it and it needs an alignment too, so I asked how much all that would be....but he just told me he will take care of it and I need to save my money !!!

Now I'm wondering....everything else sounds like we'd have a shot at reconciliation, but the money thing confuses me...

Do you think he just said that about saving so I get my finances back in check or could he have said that so I will have money when he divorces me anyway....

I know you're not him, but could you at least try....you're men after all, and you probably understand each other better than women....

Thanks in advance....


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Usually if they are still having sex with you they don't want a divorce. So this is a little odd. Does he still want the divorce?

Also as a routine thing I have to ask - have you ruled out another woman in the picture?


----------



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I confronted him about a possible affair but he denies it and I believe him....we've talked about it looooooooong and hard....

He knows that he could get out of this marriage a lot easier if he had an affair, because I wouldn't be fighting to save our marriage....

He also knows that I wouldn't take him for everything he's got, because he's worked hard for his money and I haven't contributed much to it .......ok, I had our kids and provide clothes and such for them, but he is paying mortgage, electricity, health insurance....everything else....so there's no need to play nice....

As I said we haven't been cuddling in bed for nearly 10 years...(married almost 11) and now it's happening every night (when he's not working).....it started right after the D-announcement (where he still denied doing it though) and then he caught himself doing it one morning when the alarm went off....

Since then we cuddle every time, not just before and right after sex, but he rolls over to hold me in the middle of the night too....we both used to sleep on our own side of our king size bed and now we're cuddled up in the middle.....


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

You know, we are not psychics so it's impossible for us to tell what he's thinking. But just based on observation it almost sounds like he didn't really want a divorce but he DID want a way to sort of "shake you and wake you up" to how serious and important this money issue is. 

Before this, it sounds like he said stuff to you about it and (being as kind as I can) you sort of blew it off -- it didn't strike you as something so deadly serious it could end your marriage. 

NOW, it sounds like you've made the effort to not only change your money habits, but also to do it of your own accord and for a longer term you've been getting your money straightened out. 

I'm not saying, "Woohoo! Have hope!" but more like stating an observation. If he really did want a divorce, he would be long gone by now. It's conceivable you are an easier lay than trying to date (I realize that's a little crude, but it's true)--yet if that was all it was, he wouldn't stay afterward, and he SURE wouldn't "cuddle." 

I'm just saying...keep going. It's not looking all that negative to me.


----------



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Affaircare....you're absolutely right with your observation....at least my part....

I never thought it was that serious....well...I knew I had a serious money issue, but I would always think "Yes, I will change!"...when I'd overdraw again I would say "Next time for sure"....and so on and so forth....

Now I know that the life as I knew it for 10 years could be over by next year and I'd have to do it all on my own....I wouldn't be able to if I didn't get my act together now....

I know that deep inside his heart he *does* still love me, but he's trying to tell himself that he doesn't because his anger and resentment toward me are overwhelming at the moment....

I can tell you though that a month ago or so he was still dead serious because he sold one of his beloved hot rods stating "divorce forces sale"....

I don't know if he's going to reconsider but I sure hope so noticing my changes and all....


----------



## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

I can sort of relate. During the end of the 1st attempt at reconciliation, when I'd asked for a separation, there was a limbo period where my wife was still in the house but moving out. We cuddled. At the time I thought I might as enjoy this because this is the end, in a I'll-really-miss-this-but-I-can't-take-it-anymore kind of way. (We weren't having sex though.)

At the time I felt like she was not willing to be in the marriage in the way I needed, and we were quite emotional estranged, but there was still a desire to seek comfort because of our long relationship.

We then separated for about a year, and then got back together again. This time it's going very well, and I'm optimistic.

Not sure if that helps. But I can relate.


----------



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Thanks.....it does help in a way....

Even if he's going through with it, there is still that hope that he will realize that it wasn't all bad with me....  ....just like it was for you....

Right now I have to take one day at a time, one step after another.....

Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see, que sera sera ....love that Doris Day song....


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

How about asking him outright?

"Honey, we've been getting along nicely lately. I need to know where we stand on the divorce. if you are going through with it, you need to move out now."

I don't like ultimatums but if he intends to follow through with the divorce, he shouldn't be stringing you along for sex.


----------

