# How it happened (my final straw)



## LaundryMan (Mar 17, 2015)

I haven't been on TAM in a couple of months. I had been posting here back in March-April but have stayed away lately because 1) I've been extremely busy with work and 2) I feel completely dead inside, no feelings of any type worth sharing with anybody. I decided to come back briefly for a follow-up about my issue I posted about in March here in the "considering divorce" forum. 

Summary: we moved to an unfamiliar area, she stays home while I work, and in a year she went from a responsible, dedicated wife and mom to someone who screams at daughter over the slightest thing, takes off on solo vacations on a moment's notice, frets about money but refuses to get a job, will not allow me to do most housework but gripes about having to spend all day cleaning, hangs out at park with hillbillies, addicts, and con artists and comes home falling-down drunk on many occasions, has an ongoing EA with a mentally ill youth a little over half her age, and most recently gets a puppy after I specifically tell her TWICE that I will not allow it because we have too many other animals and have not the time, nor the space, nor the money for a dog (and after she got the dog anyway she told daughter I was upset because I "have no feelings" and "hate animals").

So yesterday was her birthday. I asked her last week if she wanted to do something for her birthday. "Die," she said. I didn't let it provoke me, and I finally suggested we go for a nice dinner (daughter is with her grandparents at the moment). She said instead for me to pick up some take-out on the way home and some dessert. "There's a teriyaki place near [store]," she said. "I hear they have Korean food there. If they do, get me hwe dab bap [sp?] if they have it. If not, get me something else Korean. Then go to [store] and get some dessert from the bakery counter." So I left work early and did as she suggested. They didn't have the dish she wanted so I ordered a couple types of soup, figuring she'd like one or the other. Then I got fancy brownies from the supermarket bakery counter (she loves brownies) and came home.

Her reaction: "SOUP!? How could you POSSIBLY think I would want soup? I HATE soup!" She took one bite and said "That's the WORST food I've ever eaten." She then ate the brownie in less than a minute and said "that was horrible. Why would you get brownies? I could make a brownie any time. I wanted CAKE. I just asked you to get me something edible for dinner and you can't do the simplest thing." She then stormed to the bedroom and started sobbing on the bed.

I put my frustration aside and sat down beside her, put my arm around her, and said I was sorry she didn't like what I got, and that I should have called her from the teriyaki restaurant to ask what else she would have liked. She cried "I didn't eat anything today because I was saving room for a nice big dinner, and you got me SOUP and BROWNIES. I haven't eaten ANYTHING today except a Four Loko and wine, and some candy my friends gave me at the park, and you couldn't even get me dinner. Only somebody who is completely &@%(ing retarded couldn't follow my directions."

(Side note: I think the ******** at the park gave her a Four Loko and wine because they think it's funny to get her drunk. They also spread nasty rumors, like she's pregnant with schizophrenic boy's baby. I've tried to tell her these guys aren't friends, they're bullies, but she just says "you don't want me to have any friends at all, so you can own me".)

Since she didn't stop crying, I just got up and went back to the living room. Then she came out and said "I have to leave. I can't stand being around you when I feel this hungry and angry. I'm taking the dog and going camping." So she gathered up her stuff, loaded up the car and got the dog. Then she came back in the house to berate me some more. "You know what I think?" she said. "I think you purposely got me the worst thing on the menu, and the worst brownies you could find, so you could say you did something nice for my birthday and I just flipped out about it. Because you love getting me angry just so you can be all smug and passive-aggressive."  

It was at that point that I pointed to the front door. "You said you were going to leave," I said. "So leave. Get out. Now."

"I can't believe you're throwing me out of my own house on my birthday. You've always treated me like *#&@, but I never thought you'd be this evil."

"GET OUT."

She did, camped out in the country, and came back this morning just to launch into a monologue about how horrible I am. She called me a "sad little man," "psychotic," "abusive," and said I think I get to do whatever I want just because I have a job and she doesn't. She said that she was the only hope I had, and no other woman would ever put up with me because I'm so childish and crazy, and can't take care of myself at all, and that all I ever wanted to do was fight with her and hurt her feelings. I listened to all this without a word, until she finally said "you're just sitting there all smug. You're not listening to a word I'm saying. You're just trying to hurt me. If you cared about me, you'd be answering me."

I left quietly and went to our MC (we had an appointment this morning), alone, and told her everything. Afterward, I looked up a local divorce attorney and put the number in my phone. I then went to work. When I got back, wife was packing her bags. She says she's camping out again tonight, and leaving for Las Vegas tomorrow (we live in the southwest US, within a long day's drive of Vegas, and she goes there whenever she "needs a break," every month or two).

I'm lawyering up first thing Monday morning. I told MC that she (my wife) could have every cent in both checking accounts, both cars, the house, all the animals, all my belongings, my retirement, anything she wants. I just want to get away from her. It's a foregone conclusion that I'm not going to see my kid again (see my earlier post...she's not my biological daughter, but I basically raised her and have been the only adult in her life for some time). I have no feelings about any of that at all. I'm completely brain-dead. 

I just wanted to get all this out while it's still fresh in my memory, because wife has already gone on Facebook and ranted about how evil I am for throwing her out of her house on her birthday. She's getting lots of sympathy, even though her FB is loaded with pictures of her playing at the park and laughing in our living room with the schizophrenic kid she cuckolded me with. I don't have any RL friends, other than coworkers, to back me up. So if anyone here reads this, thanks. You can leave comments if you like but I may not reply because my internet connection is unreliable right now.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

You put up with a lot more than I would have. Chin up you cannot fix her. I really wish you well.


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## SouthernBelle822 (Jul 8, 2015)

Wow. This is a really desperate and horrible situation. I'm new to this forum and didn't see your previous posts, but from what you've said here, she sounds like she is completely mentally unstable and morally bankrupt. I'm so glad you've decided to get out of this toxic drama and begin anew. There are so many things wrong with this story that I don't even know where to begin. It sounds like this relationship is miles past the point of working things out. In your desperation to get away from her, if you can, try not to give away everything you've worked for. She needs professional help or a stint in a mental hospital, and you need peace and sanity to return to your life. Best wishes to you.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Ok you're upset, it's understandable but please take a little bit of time to cool down and plan a logical exit plan with a divorce attorney. You may feel that you are going to be better off by allowing yourself to be financially raped by her, but if you do this, you may regret it for years to come. So cool down a little bit and act with your head not with your heart.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

She wanted a meal and you got her soup? lol. That's not even an appetizer.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

I hope your lawyer has more sense and talks you out of giving her everything.

Take care and don't give her anything more than the law forces you to. Forces you... Nothing more, nothing less.


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## LaundryMan (Mar 17, 2015)

im_tam said:


> I hope your lawyer has more sense and talks you out of giving her everything.
> 
> Take care and don't give her anything more than the law forces you to. Forces you... Nothing more, nothing less.


Except most of our stuff is hers anyway (her family loves to unload unwanted possessions on her). All I really need is my car, my clothes (for work), and enough money to hold me over to my next paycheck. She can pawn everything else, since she's always convinced we're on the brink of financial ruin anyway (but that doesn't ever stop her from taking off to Vegas).

It isn't 100% her. I have my responsibility in this too, so I'm not going to make it nasty and insist on getting as much as I can.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

When you last posted about your situation it sounded pretty grim. I can see it hasn't gotten better at all. 

Your wife is a train wreck, she is an alcoholic and if you think it is still "just an EA" with her young Schizo male, you are delusional. She is sleeping with him, but he can't support her and her crazy ways. That is your job, living in that half @ssed farm she chose hours from civilization and your job. 

Think about it, you came home to a wife who had nothing but Four Loko (I didn't think they made that crap anymore) during the day! Who drinks that besides frat boys, or desperate drunks who will drink anything they can get their hands on. She is mentally ill, and so is her lover, stop with the "EA" crap because you know better.

Go to a lawyer and file, move on with your life and get yourself and your kids into therapy pronto.


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## Shiksagoddess (Jan 20, 2011)

Your wife is mentally ill or personality disordered. You can't fix her.

I do feel sorry for her daughter.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

im_tam said:


> I hope your lawyer has more sense and talks you out of giving her everything.
> 
> Take care and don't give her anything more than the law forces you to. Forces you... Nothing more, nothing less.


Indeed. Please take some time to wake up and come to grips w/ everything before signing your life away.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's hard to deal with mentally unstable people. But please listen to your lawyer and do what he says. If you also go on FB, you might want to put out a couple truth darts there, too.


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## LaundryMan (Mar 17, 2015)

Turns out I'll have to wait a few days for the lawyer, because they' can't get me in yet. She's still out of the house. At least she has the dog wtih her. 



turnera said:


> It's hard to deal with mentally unstable people. But please listen to your lawyer and do what he says. If you also go on FB, you might want to put out a couple truth darts there, too.


I'm not on FB. I'd rather not legitimize her statements by replying. At least my coworkers don't read her posts. I don't have much in the way of friends so there's not much loss there.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

The statistical probability that one of the ******** hasn't made this a physical affair, or Las Vegas, or the "camping" trips...
Is lotto like.

Glad you are divorcing.
Sad for her child.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

LM, I remember your story very well. I hope you really are ending this...check in with us so we know how you're doing.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Dude get the divorce and dump the b1tch and all, but seriously, next time you want to get someone dinner, don't get "soup and brownies" ok?!


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

I'm glad you are getting out. This is one girl who will only learn the hard way IF she possesses the capacity. Protect yourself.


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