# It maybe to late for me but not for you !!!!



## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

I had a walk away wife (and i consider mysekf a zombie or sleeping husband).i tried to tell her I would change and I did. It was too late for her as all her live for me dried up but instead of me being down on myself I take this as a learning lesson and try to be the best I can be and progress. I'm constantly learning and adapting new philosophies to help me be a better partner in the future.

I found this website and although I'm not religious, I do have faith and It was a good read. So for any women and men that are hurt and no longer communicate with their partner and thinking or going through divorce I feel this may help. (this is not dealing with affairs that's a whole different thing buy if it's a communication issue or lack of emotional support I think this may help).

I wish my ex and I could of worked it out but since she closed that door on us I at least do my part and try to help others.
Hope it helps you. If it does or at least gain insight please let me know. Thanx
http://www.familyministries.com/Reconciling_husbands.htm
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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

oh Fernie... no way. no freaking way a walkaway wife should ever be entitled to such high levels of humility and respect by her left-behind husband. Advice like this is why most of them don't come back.

A walkaway wife needs to be completely let-go, detached from and cut off from all forms of support (financial, emotional, physical).

The love doesn't die, but codependency MUST. Codependency and love are confused on a daily basis by billions of people on earth.

/disclaimer: Walkaway spouses running from abuse, infidelity and addiction are a different topic.


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

What exactly is a "walk away wife"?


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

lovingsummer said:


> What exactly is a "walk away wife"?


A wife who thinks her commitment to her husband is the tight rope that is preventing her from fascinatingly flying towards a happy life in which she won't have to put up with stinky feet and left-up toilet seats.


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

So it's not just a woman that feels like she has everything she can in the marriage? 

By the way, I saw your codependency link on another post and started reading up on it... thank you


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

ferndog... I read the article but I know my H wouldn't, he won't read anything that has God, Jesus, pray, Christian, or scriptures in it.


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

synthetic said:


> oh Fernie... no way. no freaking way a walkaway wife should ever be entitled to such high levels of humility and respect by her left-behind husband. Advice like this is why most of them don't come back.
> 
> A walkaway wife needs to be completely let-go, detached from and cut off from all forms of support (financial, emotional, physical).
> 
> ...


You see synthec every relationship
Is different. If I write a list here about what my ex had to put up with then you would agree with her I'll name a few
She makes 90k I make 10k
She cleaned the house I didn't help
She wanted affection I have none
She wanted to feel loves I couldn't show her
She wanted sex and I didn't sleep with her
I gambled to push my depression in (not knowing I had it, when my mother in law died it did something to my soul).

No I'm not saying keep hope. Not when it's too late. This is however to any person who still has a chance. One that is still in contact with the wife and feels that he made mistakes and will work on them.

This is not for someone who is already divorced because the WAW won't come back.
Take lovingsummer for instance. She's tried. She has suffered through so much and she is about to hit that cliff. I guarantee her H does not expect it. He has no clue and when the S hits the fan. That guy is going to be like a baby and instantly he will realize what he did but it will be too late . 

And also usually in WAW (from what I've read) will quickly jump into another relationship because they crave that attention. And the guy ( like myself wonders how did I lose her). Difference is I accept it and better myself so there won't be another WAW in my life. So I'm fixing all my issues. I've come along way on 10 months but I still have that financial issue I'm working on. Next year I will finish my credentials and that will finally jump me into something decent . I'll hit the 40k mark. I can't date and won't date till then. I want to show my value to myself first of else I'm setting myself up for failure again


Synth I know you make good $ and your wife doesn't make as much. She has issues and is working on them. But then why did you take her back?????
Because your trying to believe her. Yes that's right you want her to be true and real. The person you love. 

You are in the roll of the female in this. Remember you changed and tried and then it wasn't good enough for her so then the D was coming and you flipped roles
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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

lovingsummer said:


> So it's not just a woman that feels like she has everything she can in the marriage?
> 
> By the way, I saw your codependency link on another post and started reading up on it... thank you


Lovingsummer a walk away wife is you. Your at the end of your rope and your H doesn't know it. You will hit him with a text or email or whatever to blind side him and hit him with divorce because your fed up of being neglected and under appreciated (like my ex who got me out the house and a day later sent me an email to divorce and that was it).
Your H will then wonder what the F happened but it will be too late. Hell try to change (and he might or might not ) but by then your gone. Walk away while he wonders what happened
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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

lovingsummer said:


> ferndog... I read the article but I know my H wouldn't, he won't read anything that has God, Jesus, pray, Christian, or scriptures in it.


Cut all that out. Or just type walk away wife syndrome and it will explain it in detail what a WAW is. You'll fit the description
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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

Yes, I read the walk away wife and yes, I fit the description  I hate the "label" I guess. But I am guilty, I screwed this up as much as him but I can only change myself and can't drag him along kicking and screaming to continue our vicious cycle that is making our M unhealthy. I've tried to pull us out of it but I can't do it on my own.

I am so sad and I know that I will grieve my love for him as it continues to die in the future. I'm sad for our kids even though it will probably be better for them in the long run. Instead of waiting until my H and I completely tear each other apart. 

I am like you, I have so many things that I need to fix within myself that I have no desire to date until I get my head on straight. I am as screwed up as they come right now. If I even thought about being with someone right now, I'd make the same mistakes and be in same position I am right now. I need to heal myself, better myself and forgive myself (that's the hardest part). I don't like the person that I've become anymore than I like the person that my H has become.

I don't think that he has any interest to change the person that he is and I'm finally at peace with that. It is not fair for me to try and make him something that he is not. He doesn't want to be different and who am I to say that he should be. 

I can only control me and my actions. I will be a better person because of this as well, I'm finally going to face some issues that I should have faced a long time ago. 

I'm scared as hell but tomorrow is another day...


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

Time and dedication. It won't be easy but if everyday you get up and try to improve that's the goal. Remember start with the small stuff then slowly work yourself up to the emotional part.

Stay focused. After 10 months I'm a lot better . Now I can say i like myself (you'll feel it inside). In time (not sure when because I must feel it) I will love myself and that's when I'll be able to date . That's the day I'll be ready to be a partner to the right person.

I cannot tell you enough stay focused no matter what. Focus and you'll be ok
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