# When enough is enough



## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Gentlemen,

At what point did you decide to leave/split/divorce? Was it multiple factors that was ultimately tipped by one action? Was it one action?

I'm curious to know because I find myself teetering on giving it "one more time" and flat out leaving and cutting all ties. I keep mulling over the time spent invested vs the bad/good. I think this time I'm more towards leaving for good this time. 

So...what made you throw in the towel?


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

I really think it depends on the issue, personally, I havnt thrown the towel in yet. But I almost did, and it was due to one thing only. As far as the other things I think I'm in it for better or worse. But everyone has their limits. 

What are the issues?


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

Multiple things, over a long period of time.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

A single action that was unforgivable


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Just growing apart, different priorities


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Mine is coming to head as a culmination of many instances...and sadly the last one was something most, i believe, would consider small and not even worth fighting over. I think I've finally hit my limit and I just can't take anymore. The mental exhaustion of fighting for someone who seems to be one foot in and one foot out has taken its toll. 

For those who have answered, was it something you were indecisive about for an extended time OR was it something so unforgivable that nothing could change your mind?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

For me, it was a long term accumulation of rejection, neglect, and disrespect that finally reached a tipping point. Once I reached it, there was absolutely no chance or way I'd have reconsidered my decision to divorce her, no matter what she could have tried - it was too late.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

When her aim improved and bullets got closer...


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Married but Happy said:


> For me, it was a long term accumulation of rejection, neglect, and disrespect that finally reached a tipping point. Once I reached it, there was absolutely no chance or way I'd have reconsidered my decision to divorce her, no matter what she could have tried - it was too late.


This except divorce hasn't happened, just cold cohabitation until 3 teens are out


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

At the time I was hopeful and wanted things to work so bad. After being out (due to her cheating), I wonder why I stuck around so long.

I think people run into problems when they divorce thinking everything will be gravy, only to realize that the problems in their marriage seem to follow them wherever they go. So if your wife is a generally good person, and you married her for the right reasons, I would advise to spend an inordinate amount of time and effort into trying to fix the relationship.

If your wife has personality disorders or is high conflict and your marriage is causing you undue stress despite any and all efforts, then it might be time to throw in the towel.

I suffered from 'oneitis' (google it) throughout my marriage. For me, that was very bad. And I'll never make that mistake again. But I'll also probably never get married again either so take that with a grain of salt.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

It was a gradual process.

I first realized something was amiss when I would come home from a long day working at the Paperclip factory.

My partner would be sitting there with all the lights off in the house, watching Snapped! She would look at me kind of funny, but not say anything.

I got suspicious, because she was always on her computer, so I checked her browser history.

Her search history included

"how to kill your spouse"
"how to make killing your spouse look like an accident"
"cake or pie?"
"17 surefire ways to make your partner die a slow agonizing death"
"how to make your partner die a slow agonizing death while making it look like an accident"
"what kind of barrels work best to hold acid that dissolves the body in them like in Breaking Bad"

I confronted her about this, but she has always been a free thinker, and just explained that her fellow cultists mentioned those sites to her.

I countered that those weren't sites, they were searches.

"Shut up," she explained.

After that, things got better.

She began to shower me with affection, and the frequency of sex increased- at one point, we were getting it on as often as every other month, and it was really good sex, too- she bought some new pillows to rest my belly on and everything!

But even then, I noticed little things. Like how there always seemed to be an electrical gadget plugged in by the bathtub, perched precariously over the tub. With a string attached, leading out of the room.

She put coasters on the bottoms of all 5 ladders in the house. DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME FOR HAVING 5 LADDERS.

The top landing of the staircase was always coated with Vaseline, and she claimed to know nothing about how it got there. Thank God the stairs were carpeted.

Things reached a tipping point when I discovered a Voodoo doll in my likeness, with pins, needles, and a soup spoon stuck in it. It was anatomically correct, and the soup spoon allowed it to stand upright, tripod-style.

At that point, I knew it was over. The man I had pursued so stridently, paid for the entire gender-reassignment process, the person I had cared for so long and so much, didn't love me any more.

I was nothing to her but a, a, a person to make voodoo dolls of and shove soup spoons into their nether orifices.

I left, and never looked back. And to this day, I have never dated a midget again.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Texasoutlaw - this is my off the top of my head opinion. 

In some cases, like in mine, something happens that's so egregious it's obvious. I think even in those times there were likely missed or ignored clues preceding it. 

In the more gray cases, I tend to believe the notion to end it has been tossed around in one's head a while and it boils down to _when the pain to stay exceeds the pain to make the change_. I think that's a typical trigger in many or most significant life changes though. 

Another case is where the person toying with leaving has allowed an external interest to invade the relationship. I wish this group would have more personal discipline and integrity to avoid it. 

A person fitting into any of these groups hopefully would recognize there's a problem and would seek professional help to address it before it festers beyond repair.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

In my case there were young kids involved and so I stayed in the marriage a lot longer then I would have otherwise. In the end my ex's personality disorder and the behaviors associated where just too much to deal with.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

She cheated. 
I OD on oral steroids. Rage followed. 
Couldn't figure out what I wanted. Hormonal imbalance put me on a roller coaster. I called up a lawyer, and planned to divorce. Then would call it off. Then I had her served one day. Then I called it off. 
Tried reconciling. Fell back in love. 
Found out OM sent XWW an email, likely wanting some easy action. This would have been in November. 
I wasn't told. Did some steroids. Got very angry. 
We were divorced before Christmas. 

That email was all it took. I had drawn a line, and she crossed it. I wasn't going to be taken for a fool twice.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Juicer said:


> She cheated.
> I OD on oral steroids. Rage followed.
> Couldn't figure out what I wanted. Hormonal imbalance put me on a roller coaster. I called up a lawyer, and planned to divorce. Then would call it off. Then I had her served one day. Then I called it off.
> Tried reconciling. Fell back in love.
> ...


So are you off the bike?


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

For me it wasn't so much that I couldn't get along with my wife...it was her boyfriend I couldn't get along with. :rofl:


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

I could be wrong, but I'd imagine it's when you just dont care or react anymore. 

I'm not there yet, but I find little things falling off that are probably a bad sign:
-I don't care if she wants to fornicate
-I don't care if she has plans to be gone all sunday with her mom or friend
-I don't care if she notices I'm in good shape (more muscle, less fat)
-I didnt tell her about my last promotion.

etc etc..

I still internally hope things work out. But I've let go of a ton of expectations and hopes I have from her. I haven't quit yet. I'm just not all there right now. Resentment city.

It's over when you no longer look into your spouse's soul, but rather through him/her.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

BostonBruins32 said:


> I could be wrong, but I'd imagine it's when you just dont care or react anymore.
> 
> I'm not there yet, but I find little things falling off that are probably a bad sign:
> -I don't care if she wants to fornicate
> ...


I feel your pain brother. At what point do you just hang it up? That's when I start weighing good vs bad and I become a victim of my own thoughts. That's when I drive myself crazy.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Damn, BB, you must be my twin, or we're married to twins. Spot on. 

- When your wife complains about an ailment, and you don't care.
- When your wife goes out with friends and you're happy that she won't be around, even though that leaves you with two toddlers to take care of and get to bath and bed
- when your wife goes out of town for the weekend, and you look forward to her being gone
- when your wife sings along to a song on the radio, and you want nothing more than to tell her to STFU

Etc, etc


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

I'm not there yet either, but I'm relieved when he ask me for a ride to the airport, as I know the tension will soon be gone and I can be alone with my own thoughts...

-sammy


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