# She tells me she wants divorce on my birthday - today!



## jas256 (Oct 3, 2011)

I'm new to this forum, but needed an outlet for my disappointment and sadness.

My wife of 4 years (been together 7), tells me she doesn't think our marriage will work. She tells me on my birthday! We have a beautiful 10 month old daughter who I couldn't love more. The thought of not seeing my daughter everyday makes me the most sad.

My wife has threatened divorce so many times, I didn't believe her until she showed me she was looking for jobs and apartments.

She says I don't respect her, but she doesn't acknowledge the good things I do and say to her. She works very hard right now being a full-time Mom. There is no communication in our marriage and she always chooses the "flight" option instead of "fight" option.

We have been to counseling which helped, but she says that probably won't save our marriage now. Great. All of her family lives in another state and they have issues themselves. They never come visit us unless I pay for their plane tickets, etc. They never call and check on their granddaughter or us either. I know that makes her hurt - but she's taking out all of her childhood and adult hurt and frustrations out on me!

Should I just cut my losses and accept a divorce? I guess if I can't make her go to counseling, it doesn't matter what I want. Just wanted to rant some. I feel like I have nobody to talk to or vent to.


----------



## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

You need to read a couple of books - No More Mr Nice Guy, Hold on To you N*TS, and Married Man's Sex Life Primer. These will help you.


----------



## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

Short version, kick her to the curb. 

Long version, kick her to the curb in order to get her back. 

Be respectful, as you have been. Tell her you don't want a divorce, but you also don't want a wife who would leave instead of work on a marriage. Hide the pain and frustration and do your best to help her get out. It will make her head spin. 

The only way to get them back is to let them go. 

If she comes back with the whole, "I wish you would have fought for us", just look at her and say "likewise".

GearHead


----------



## jas256 (Oct 3, 2011)

Thanks! You're correct! I was thinking I should "call her bluff". It's just difficult to commit to something I don't want in the first place. Thanks though- hearing other people give encouragement helps make the decisions easier.


----------



## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Jas Guess what I went through the same thing my wife was having a affair and of course lying about it. I did not want a divorce but I was not going to put up with that either. Go file the papers and act like your moving on in life without her.


----------



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Jas,

Do some reading..start with the books mentioned earlier. If you 
" call her bluff " as you put it, be ready to back your words. The worst thing you can do is say something to her then not follow through...Have a plan. Have one for each possibility and if it doesn't go the way you want it too....go into action.
Be prepared...I didn't think my situation all the way through, she called me out and I looked a fool.....


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

First recommendation is to get a grip on your emotions, they don't serve you well. And my second recommendation is to go to Dad's Divorce and start reading everything you can so that you'll be completely prepared to exercise your rights as a father if your wife files for divorce.

Believe it or not, you do have rights as a father and if your wife tries to deny you those rights, you can turn her life into a legal hell. Hopefully it won't come to that but you are definitely not powerless.

If you want a free copy of Dr Robert Glover's 'No More Mr Nice Guy' just click on the link below and download it to your computer.


----------



## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

The advice here is sound. When my wife started talking separation/divorce, I was scared sh!tless. "OMFG my marriage is ending!!" Once I got a hold of that fear (yes, it may happen, deal with it Jay), things started to turn around. I was working on making MY life better (hopefully, with my wife and being married) and stopped running like hell from a divorce. Good luck.


----------



## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

Jas - Please review the link Morituri included in his header titled "Just let them go". I found it very helpful for my situation and may help you gain some more thoughts on how to move forward.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html


----------



## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

This might help...

I will survive


----------



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

jas256 said:


> Thanks! You're correct! I was thinking I should "call her bluff". It's just difficult to commit to something I don't want in the first place. Thanks though- hearing other people give encouragement helps make the decisions easier.


jas,

Realistically, the chances of new mom with a 10 mo kid divorcing is very low. The chances of hormonal fluctuations making her crazy is 100 percent. She and her new child need protection and safety. It is your responsibility to provide this for them. 

Respect is what she wants and respect is what you should give her. Respect her wishes, respect her decisions and above all respect her feelings. Start by agreeing with whatever she says and explaining back to her all the reasons why she is right and you agree with her. Help her evaluate her potential new jobs and apartments. Don't say you love her, don't set any conditions, don't make her responsible to you and try not to initiate any conversation, especially not anything about your relationship, marriage or feelings.

Make sure you pay for everything, get her anything she needs and take care of all household responsibilities. Drive her to the doctor, buy all the formula, bottles, diapers, sheets, clothes and whatever. Consider hiring outside help especially if you can't be available all the time.


----------

