# Seperation starting, Im tired



## johnathen (May 4, 2016)

Hello guys I need some advice. Backstory: Not going to get all into It. Married 6 years, 5 year old daughter. Most of my marriage I was emtionally unavailible. She wants seperation/Divorce. 5 months agoo she started an EA with a girl. I did all the wrong things, Ie begging for her. Started making changes for me. All of that jazz. Better person now. She stops the affair with Her 500000% sure of it. 

Now our relationship is so much better. She went from sleeping on the other side of the bed to cuddling. She stopped the lieing as far as I know. Feels as if we are on the right track. Seperation is still a go, but she has no clue what she wants. We move out our place Monday, I already found a place, she said at first shes moving In with a friend from work.

I asked her what does she want. A divorce, a seperation while we work on our marriage, or does she wants to live a single life but be seperated. She says why do we have to put a title on It. She says she has no clue. Now the crazy part is our relationship, our marriage has improved dramticly. Its really nice at this point. I feel the affection from her. The touching the everything. We both have allot of fun, wasnt like that at first. Now after all the BS the last few months/years, and she could completly move on. Im giving her her space, SHE DECIDES TO MOVE IN THE SAME APARTMENT COMPLEX. A few doors down. Like wth Is this why? 

Im so lost right now. Idn if family is telling her to not give me another chance but her heart says otherwise. Shes so closed up. I dont know what to do. I love this woman but im emotionally tired. I have done everything to repair our relationship. I have lost 50 pounds, got in shape, got a new job making 3 times what I was making before, I completly done a 180. Litterly through everything, I have done what everyone Is trying to do, but now Im tired. Iove her care for her. But shes so closed out. Please help. 

Sorry english isnt my first language be nice lol.


----------



## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Why can't she put a title on it? Does she want YOU to date others or not? That's not a title, that's an action.

At this point you are not addressing the most important and only issue remaining: YOUR DAUGHTER.
What are the custody arrangements? You do not want her growing up with daddy issues. So what are your short term and long terms plans? 

Then only way a BS moves forward is by setting a goal, establishing how to achieve it and executing it. 

Stop discussing the state of your marriage. It is over. Instead discuss your plans for the future and how to achieve it.


----------



## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

johnathen,

Stop asking her to set the terms and start leading the relationship.


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

That starts with letting her know what you are and are not ok with during this separation.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Tron said:


> That starts with letting her know what you are and are not ok with during this separation.


Was told long ago that a woman who wants that kind of space is already gone. If she moves out, odds are very slim that things will ever be the same.

How do you work on a relationship if you aren't together?


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

True, but it is possible. It depends a lot on the reason for the separation and I am not arguing that she may already be checked out.

There are any number of legit reasons, including breaking out of a co-dependent, an abusive or unbalanced relationship.

If it is to date others, well then you're better off just filing for divorce.


----------

