# Men... need some input...



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

So Dh may or may not have had an EA, OW says she felt they were too close "emotionally" (told a mutual friend) and didn't want to do anything to jeopardize her marriage... DH doesnt know that I know this information but knows I suspected something between the two of them, she only recently cut off contact.... anyway... 

We have our issues like most marriages and after reading His Needs-Her Needs, I can see how this could've happened... the last two years have been nothing but medical issues for both of us, and we fell into more caretaker roles, than lovers, twice him to me, and then twice me to him.... what I am saying is I get it if that was the case. And have no intention of even discussing it further at this point. Especially after reading HN-HN

Thing is. I discussed the book and how I had seen it was a good thing for partners to read and discuss together. He agrees, says he even wants to read each chapter himself (I offered to read to him because he hates to read) I'm thinking great, this is progress. 
That was a week ago and he hasn't touched the book. 

Thoughts? Was he just saying that to shut me up? I need some input into the male mind, especially since my husband doesn't read at all for any enjoyment and barely made it through some college courses because reading puts him to sleep.


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

Giving him the benefit of the doubt. He hates reading. He stumbled into saying he would read the book and is now remembers how much he hates reading. Reading to him sounds great to me. Or maybe an audio book version.

So my suggestion is to gently prod him again, perhaps apologise that you forgot how much he hates to read and so would like to read to him.

And you married someone who hates reading. Just realised I couldn't do that.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
when someone slips into or near an EA, I think it is important to try to understand why. EAs are not like physical affairs, (though they can turn into them), I think they are often the result of feeling that something is lacking in a relationship.

When I've started to slide in that direction, its been the result of my wife taking me for granted. Forgetting that we were in love, because there were to many "chores". Our marriage started to feel like a second job when I'd get home and the first think she would say was to give me a list of "tasks" we needed to accomplish this evening. She still loved me, but forgot to show it in any way.

In the OPs case it may help to understand what he felt he was missing. Sometimes that can be fixed in very simple ways.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I understand H's position. I am an avid reader - Kindle, paper - and reading puts me to sleep too. I have to take breaks and move around frequently to keep reading. When I tell DW that I am going to read, she laughs and says "Oh, you are going to sleep then?" 

If he never was a reader, I doubt he will change now. He may really want to read HN-HN but just cannot. Doubt he was just telling you that for you to shut up. I will start reading NH-HN this week and would like my DH to read it but she cannot (there is a valid backstory). So my plan is to read a few pages, section, chapter (whatever is best amount), take notes for myself, then schedule time with DH and me to discuss each section, then repeat until book is done. I will try to limit the discussion to 15-30 minutes each time. I have no idea if that will work but that is my plan. 

As @NotEasy said, reading to him will work too. Another option is to get the book in kindle form. My kindle app has text to speech and it will read the text out loud.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It is probably easier to keep coasting for him.

Improving takes work. I don't know if he is emotionally lazy or maybe empty but he needs motivation.

Telling him you know about the EA and are considering leaving him unless he starts taking his marriage seriously might snap him awake.

The marriage building parts of that book are good.

I have nothing but contempt for his infidelity advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> It is probably easier to keep coasting for him.
> 
> Improving takes work. I don't know if he is emotionally lazy or maybe empty but he needs motivation.
> 
> ...


In a nutshell. Good observation. Better advise. Your H is not interested because in his head nothing in the book pertains to him. We know better. He needs to know better as well.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

livelaughlovenow said:


> she only recently cut off contact.... anyway...


Are they still meeting at the bus stop?


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