# ED. Excuses the WP has heard



## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

Some maybe valid medical issues, others may be psychological, others could be gaslighting excuses.

For the WP, what do you believe you were told?

I dated a man that was diabetic, and I researched it first.
Another partner blamed his occasional on “brewer’s droop” ( too much to drink).

I have had Thyroid (hormone) issues, so I am curious, as I never was able to disengage intimacy, unless there were other issues....


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

What does WP stand for?

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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

Lila said:


> What does WP stand for?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk



Wounded Partner


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

a_new_me said:


> Wounded Partner
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Can you elaborate a bit on what you mean by wounded partner in the context of ED? 

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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Occasional ED can indeed be a result of "brewer's droop" (like that phrase)... I'm not much of a drinker, so I haven't had it 
And diabetes is a well-documented cause of ED.

I've suffered from both psychological / performance anxiety ED, in early life, and from atherosclerosis / diabetes ED in later life. 

I've not given excuses for any of it, only the valid reasons. I'm sure glad I've never made excuses. My first wife blamed her affairs on my lack of anatomy and sexual abilities, and my psychological ED began. This was a terribly hurtful thing to me that she did. It began a cycle in our marriage which led to my eventual avoidance of sex, then refusal of sex, even though my ability to become erect returned.

I knew fully well that another man's endowment was not a valid reason for her to commit adultery. I never, for one second, believed this. However, I believed fully that she disapproved of me sexually, and the eventual outcome of that belief caused me to not want to have sex with her.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

TJW said:


> Occasional ED can indeed be a result of "brewer's droop" (like that phrase)... I'm not much of a drinker, so I haven't had it
> And diabetes is a well-documented cause of ED.
> 
> I've suffered from both psychological / performance anxiety ED, in early life, and from atherosclerosis / diabetes ED in later life.
> ...


Sad thing is, a vast majority of people don't understand how this could hurt you so much.
I mean, you only allowed yourself to be vulnerable to one person in the whole world and she used that vulnerability to inflict as much pain as possible.
That's a tough one that completely reassigns your paradigm on interactions BY FORCE.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

There are a lot of reasons why men have ED problems. I don’t believe they are excuses or fake. 
A man having low drive and ED is different. A man with low drive doesn’t want to have sex and will make excuses why they don’t want to have sex in that moment.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

TJW said:


> Occasional ED can indeed be a result of "brewer's droop" (like that phrase)... I'm not much of a drinker, so I haven't had it
> And diabetes is a well-documented cause of ED.
> 
> I've suffered from both psychological / performance anxiety ED, in early life, and from atherosclerosis / diabetes ED in later life.
> ...




It’s difficult when you have needs and your needs aren’t being met. Whether your a man or women. 
Cheating is never the answer though. 

If I find myself in a marriage where my husband can’t have sex for whatever reason, I honestly don’t know what I would do. I would never cheat. But my options would be staying and becoming resentful, or asking permission to have a side piece.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

TJW said:


> Occasional ED can indeed be a result of "brewer's droop" (like that phrase)... I'm not much of a drinker, so I haven't had it
> And diabetes is a well-documented cause of ED.
> 
> I've suffered from both psychological / performance anxiety ED, in early life, and from atherosclerosis / diabetes ED in later life.
> ...


Such brave words, my friend.

Spoken clearly and surely painful.

As men and women, we are often that what is noticeably present at our waist.

This, first-most, that mass above our shoulders, seemingly, an afterthought.

Some men and women later get this order mixed up, with some trying to screw the mind, leaving alone, the rest behind.


The Typist-


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The WP has her needs too, three, four times a month, ah, those not hardly met.

What to do?

If it is *felt as important*, this, Mr. Ed, he being such a deal breaker; then all hopeful and rectified avenues should be visited, and traveled, hopefully, one leading uphill.

If all cannot be e-rectified, then a proper, a tearful goodbye should be laid out before the hapless man.

Life is cruel, and many are left with the leftover, the left-out gruel as one 'thought' imperfect.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> It’s difficult when you have needs and your needs aren’t being met. Whether your a man or women.
> Cheating is never the answer though.
> 
> If I find myself in a marriage where my husband can’t have sex for whatever reason, I honestly don’t know what I would do. I would never cheat. But my options would be staying and becoming resentful, or asking permission to have a side piece.


Interesting.
Are you saying this as "Can't have sex or won't have sex"? Two different thought/views. 
Note, I know you said can't ,but I wanted to make sure the thought process.

If your partner couldn't get an erection, would no amount of oral and/or toys be fine?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

a_new_me said:


> Some maybe valid medical issues, others may be psychological, others could be gaslighting excuses.
> 
> For the WP, what do you believe you were told?
> 
> ...


Ah yes, are not both capable of being wounded?

Technically, while most women can perform, some do so dryly, some painfully, many having no satisfying orgasm. 
With this leading to similar feelings of failure.

Intimacy is very important, failure to perform, by either, is that *Ruer's loop*. 

Living again, each intimate minute, feeling that active failure, as it goes round-and-round in one's sad head.


Lilith-


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

ED is usually fixable with a pill. LD not so much.

A side effect from a BP prescription gives me ED. I get my pills online, problem solved. But I'd say about half the time we have sex (in a broad sense) I don't even take one and everyone still leaves with a smile.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

snerg said:


> Interesting.
> Are you saying this as "Can't have sex or won't have sex"? Two different thought/views.
> Note, I know you said can't ,but I wanted to make sure the thought process.
> 
> If your partner couldn't get an erection, would no amount of oral and/or toys be fine?




What I am saying is that I need my needs met. We are all willing to compromise. There is always a difference with what I want and what I need. 
Whether or not they can and won’t doesn’t matter to me. So if they can’t get it up and are willing to give me oral instead.... it has to give me an orgasm, then I am probably ok with that depending on how often he will do it. 

Imo it’s our job to give our spouse sex. It may not always be as often or the type they want but we have to provide that to our spouse. If a man shuts down sex completely because he can’t get an erection that’s incredibly selfish to me. Things should always be about US. And this goes back to my thread about marriage being like work. If your spouse has a need, you should work on meeting that need even if you don’t necessarily want to. 

And let’s not get selfish..: needs and wants are different.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Had a wife caught in a lie about her AP's anatomy. In order to make herself look not monumentally stupid, she raved about her AP's equipment. That is until her ex started dating. He met a very nice woman. She had been single for a few years after her marriage broke up. Their intimacy was difficult, and took a while in developing. She began asking questions and it came out that he felt that his wife left him for a man with "better" equipment. She asked if he knew the guy. He said he did, he was a coworker. She got a name, and goes, "Him"? WTF??? They begin to compare notes. A whole lot of coincidences. She dated AP as well, apparently while AP and WW were "true" to one another. Then she says, "Unless he went to Asia, and got some back alley surgery, your ex is lying her ass off. He is freaking TINY. She is saving face. Thats all."

My client gets brought back to earth. PDQ. He gets a little more reinforcement from his psychologist. Few weeks later, they are out to eat. When WW and AP walk in. AP spots my client, then tries to turn, as he recognises the date. Too late, WW wants to meet the new GF. Bad move. New GF is a pistol. Tells WW off in the middle of a restaurant. Tells her to stop lying about her AP, she knows that he is TINY down there, Just admit it, you left a great marriage with good sex for a loser with a teeny ****. AP leaves. OH and BTW. Him and I were still ****ing when he started ****ing you. Bet you will be his betrayed girlfriend in a real short time, as small as it is, he can't seem to keep it in his pants. ExWW is gobsmacked. Her ex looks at her and says, too bad we are divorced now, I would like to rethink just about everything you got. She beats a hasty retreat, only to find that AP drove off without her. She returned to the restaurant not in the greatest of spaces. That Uber trip back home must have been a treat.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> It’s difficult when you have needs and your needs aren’t being met. Whether your a man or women.
> Cheating is never the answer though.
> 
> If I find myself in a marriage where my husband can’t have sex for whatever reason, I honestly don’t know what I would do. I would never cheat. But my options would be staying and becoming resentful, or asking permission to have a side piece.


If I may....would you sit and sadly seethe, or would you seek a side piece, with permission, of course?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> If I may....would you sit and sadly seethe, or would you seek a side piece, with permission, of course?




It’s hard to put myself in that situation. I think it depends on many factors. If I was 35 and my husband would never have any kind of sex with me at all then I would 100% seek a side piece. 
If I was 65 and my husband all of a sudden wouldn’t have sex with me I think I would sit and seethe.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

There are sexual choices and a choice.

In a marriage it is always plural.

When good, it is one pulling, the other tugging.

When one pulls forward and the other retreats, the speedier one wins.

When both push away, their is no middle ground, and no winners.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> It’s hard to put myself in that situation. I think it depends on many factors. If I was 35 and my husband would never have any kind of sex with me at all then I would 100% seek a side piece



Classy. 




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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

3Xnocharm said:


> Classy.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Tell me what you would do.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Taxman said:


> She beats a hasty retreat, only to find that AP drove off without her. She returned to the restaurant not in the greatest of spaces. That Uber trip back home must have been a treat.


 @Taxman, thanks for bringing that story. I'm telling it, that I would have paid real money to have a ticket to that encounter.


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

I believe, as a partner, that we need to love and support. Communication is vital.

Intimacy can be shown in many more ways beyond PIV or whatever due to preferences. 

Too many people choose to hide and neglect out of personal shame or stray because they are either selfish and disloyal and lack the capacity of self worth.


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