# How to cope?



## lostinthought4ever (Jun 9, 2013)

Hi my name is Carol, I'm 23 years old, and have been married 5 yrs. My husband is also 23 years old and we have three children from age 11 months to 4 yrs. I decided to join this forum looking for help as the last 5 years are been anything but ideal. Within the first year, my husband had started talking to women online and continued to do so, to the point on contacting them for sex via craigslist. I even saw one of his emails to a girl and messaged her and she remembered him! By this I mean he would flirt, set up trips to come visit them tell them they where beautiful, sexy and hot ( and for many of them, they where not his type by that i mean, really tiny/ skinny) 

Last May he started a business, and would work in Ohio, PA, and West Virginia. The guy he worked with, for lack or a better term, was a douche/tool which ever one you prefer he didn't want to really work, but wanted to make fast money From there he started meeting women in person. November of last year, he told me the first time he went to Columbus, Oh he was going to cheat on me with a stripper. They where both naked, and he didn't do it because someone informed him she shot up. Personally I don't believe he didn't do it, seriously who just walks in on two naked people to say ' oh dude she shoots up watch out?' He also made it a point the last 5 years to consistently be away from me and our kids. 

Also in November he decided to ask for a divorce, when I asked him why, he couldn't give me a straight answer. I asked if it was another girl, he said no, he even had a 'friend' tell me that he was working hard for us. Mind you in August alone he had made 4000 and me and the kids where living with his mom, who never had custody of him. The next week I found out he was in fact dating some girl, and had met her in October, once again in Columbus OH. 

Repeatedly he told me it wasn't because he wanted to date other women and I told him that was a lie because our entire marriage he would talk and flirt with other girls. He told me he was 23, with nothing. He had no one there for him, he didn't have a job, a house anything. He had nothing. When I informed him he had the kids and me he scoffed and said I hated him. Which was a lie since he was barely there our entire marriage to actually know how I fell about him, but he made it very clear to me. 

At this time, my kids and I where living in a homeless shelter. They had a 'welcome' room of sorts where people who just showed up could sleep, my husband would stay down there at night so he could see the kids in the morning. Having been there for an entire month before my husband showed up, alot of the people knew us and some I was friends with. One of the girls had told me my husband was down their bragging about his new girlfriend to everyone and didn't realize, at first, that he was my husband till he saw him with our kids. I hadn't seen a picture of the girl, but my husband had shown her off to everyone down stairs. To be nice and supportive or not it was just to be nice, the girl and a few other people informed me the moment my husband wasn't around that his new girlfriend wasn't very cute at all, and she was on the 'fat' side compared to me. ( Nothing bad about that, just this is what they told me). 

When I finally saw a picture of her, my husband started complementing her, saying ' oh this is a small picture, shes only 5'1", shes alot smaller than you, yadda yadda.' It was endless, as if he was trying to cover for her and put me down. She wasn't very small and in fact she reminded me of someone I worked with my husband had thought was ugly. I got tired of it and told my husband that that was nice, but he has a daughter and if anyone else comes after his wife, it was her, not some dumb girl. This shut him up, which I was happy about, not only because I was having a hard time not completely tearing the poor girl up without her being their to defend herself, but also had a hard time not biting his head off. 

Being at the homeless shelter wasn't that bad and alot of people helped me get over him and sadly it got to the point where my husband wasn't allowed back there unless it was to see the children and if I was there with the kids. This happened, for what my husbands blames solely on me, because he would throw full blown tantrums. People could come up to me after he would storm out, and tell me they saw everything and that they where extremely proud of me for holding my tongue with how he would degrade me, and talk bad about me. ( The shelter was Christ centered).

The straw that broke the camels back was when I had to go down to the welcome room, one of the times he did come and visit, to get him to come spend time with his children. He had gone down to play cards after I gave him an ultimatum to choose between his kids, or his girlfriend and gave him the outline of his visitation. He stormed off and i followed and told him to get up there and see his daughter, who he left crying in the cafeteria. She was only 2, 3 now. That day my husband left for good, after he spoiled my birthday by informing me he had bought tickets for him and this girl to go to Italy, France and the Caribbean, i later found out it was only hotel reservations. 

The people that ran the mission informed him he was no longer allowed to stay in the welcome room, something my husband blamed on me and which turned out it was his attitude and how he continually came and went, and his he treated his children. 

During all this I had finished the paper work for the divorce, but having not lived in the state for 6 months I wasn't able to petition yet. Repeatedly, my husband would try to stop me, telling me he still wanted to be with me, but wanted his freedom. I told him I wanted freedom to, the same thing he wanted, just with him not in the picture. He also tried to stop me by setting 'dates' up with the kids, knowing fully well I had told him about the meetings I had to file for divorce. Ultimately I told him to figure out what he wanted, because I wasn't waiting any longer, he could choose me and the kids and we could give it a second try or he could continue dating he girlfriend and never see his kids again. 

Ultimately he choose me and the kids, however he really showed his true colors during those 4 months. The things he did with the girl, where simple things we could have done together, that's the saddest part. Like going to the movies, playing basketball etc, the only difference we have 3 kids. I found out during the time he spent with her, he slept for 3 other women and he and the girl both thought she was pregnant ( is it mean to say I wish she was? Just so I could point at him and go ' nana nana boo boo stick your head in doo doo' ). He says she had text him and told him shes not, but for all he knows she could be. 

I know that after all this, I don't love him like I used to. I still love him, but its not with that burning to spent time with him. If there was another guy or a girl to spend time with and go do fun things, like play basket ball, shop paint pet rocks. I would prefer to do those things with them, instead of my husband. I love him still, but I don't trust him at all. He isn't remorseful about what he did, he hasn't changed. I feel like I made a huge mistake taking him back. There is no love and hes even told me ' there is no need for me to date my wife. I already have you'. Is there any way to cope or should i just move on?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

That's quite a story.

I'd divorce him.

He has to pay child support and some spousal support.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Your H cheats on you, you (quite understandably) don't trust him and he has allowed you and your children to end up in a homeless shelter, but you're still wondering whether or not you should leave him...?

OP, your H's behaviour is not only bad for you, but also very bad for your children. You and your H are very young to be married with 3 children, but your H's behaviour sounds too immature, direspectful and irresponsible for this to be in any way healthy for you or your kids.

I would get an STD test and divorce him.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Give it a year and if you feel the same divorce the cheat. 
He feels no remorse???? That is the worst sign possible. And the memories of him planning to go to Europe while his kids and you had nothing will be very, very hard to cope with if you
stay with him. 
You are way to young to 'settle' for half a marriage. No mistake is irreversible, you have to search your heart and really figure out if this type of 'marriage' is enough for you. 
I would recommend you see a counselor as well, they can give you strength.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Why are you with him?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I'm glad your heart doesn't love him anymore.

This will make it easier for you to divorce him.

Can your parents or other family members take you & your children into their homes for awhile?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> Your H cheats on you, you (quite understandably) don't trust him and he has allowed you and your children to end up in a homeless shelter, but you're still wondering whether or not you should leave him...?
> 
> OP, your H's behaviour is not only bad for you, but also very bad for your children. You and your H are very young to be married with 3 children, but your H's behaviour sounds too immature, direspectful and irresponsible for this to be in any way healthy for you or your kids.
> 
> I would get an STD test and divorce him.


Heck I was thinking "and you went on to have two more kids with this guy????"

Someone call Jerry Springer.

(Paint pet rocks?)


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