# Cheating Situations That Causes BreakUps



## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Which cheating situations would you consider, it to lead to a break up? The person going on another date with someone else, cheating and break up after that occurrence or give them another chance, or the person cheating having some type of sexual interaction and that causing the break up to happen, to other simple things from holding hands, kissing, hugging forms of cheating leading to a break up. Or would you consider something totally different cheating, that would lead to a break up. Or even if the person said what they did was a mistake and they realized it was a mistake and you gave them another chance? What would you do?


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## Slow Hand (Oct 4, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> Which cheating situations would you consider, it to lead to a break up? The person going on another date with someone else, cheating and break up after that occurrence or give them another chance, or the person cheating having some type of sexual interaction and that causing the break up to happen, to other simple things from holding hands, kissing, hugging forms of cheating leading to a break up. Or would you consider something totally different cheating, that would lead to a break up. Or even if the person said what they did was a mistake and they realized it was a mistake and you gave them another chance? What would you do?


For me, no affair of any type, especially PA, and no second chances. She knew how I felt and obviously didn't give a rats ass. 

I must say, something good came out of it, I'm looking forward to meeting other women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

He has a rule when we play Scrabble that is borderline cheating, haven't gone so far as to call him out on it yet and no it won't cause divorce but yeah I feel it is cheating.


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

I would give another chance if I was in love...


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

The person who can answer ANY of your questions with certainty will be an instant billionaire! 
With the epidemic of infidelity going on now, the therapy industry is booming and the reactions to infidelity of any type differ so much from individual and situation there is no cookie cutter answer to anything you asked.

Most of the literature will tell you that a break up that is permanant is MORE likely when a woman cheats. There is a book called "Not Just Friends" that will explain some of that to you.

Probably y 90% of us say cheating of any kind is a deal breaker, but in reality that is not true on the initial event immediately. However, depending on how extensive the betrayal was the odds of remaining in the relationship decrease with the type and duration of the infidelity.

In other words, if you want to put specifics on it, there is much more likely to be a break up if you have sex with someone other than your spouse or partner for 6 months than if you have a drunken ONS. 

But people break up over a ONS all the time and people reconcile with serial cheaters every day of the week. Like I said, there is no formula or situation that you can predict anything with when it comes to the ****storm of infidelity


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As far as I'm concerned, whenever you either consciously or unconsciously endeavor to violate the sacred and sanctimonious tenants of your marital vows made sincerely to your spouse, and in the presence of God, your clergy or magistrate, your family, friends, church. and community, then you have truly "bought the farm!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I would forgive almost anything except an intentional attempt to hurt me - once. If I thought it was continuing, I would give her a choice of divorce or open marriage.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I cannot follow the initial post at all. What is the question?


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> I cannot follow the initial post at all. What is the question?


Question is, which one of those situations would you consider cheating, so badly that you would break up with your partner?

Kissing, hugging, holding hands
Having sex or doing sexual acts

Among others.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Personally, I have a zero tolerance policy about any kind of affair


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

For OP the question is academic. For many of us it is intensely personal and immediate. There are some religious viewpoints that say divorce is only for sexual infidelity or physical abuse. The State of Utah adds any felony. There are days that indifference would be enough for me. 

On a related tangent, there is a t least one study (that I am unwilling to go look up) that says that couples that reconcile are happier 5 years later than couples that divorce. It has come to my attention that couples that attempt to reconcile and fail still end up in the less happy category. With that clarity of thought, I am less and less likely to recommend reconciliation. I'm of the opinion that the minority of people who can successfully reconcile, would be happy anyway. 

Deciding before you are face to face with infidelity, how you would react to it, is not a very good indicator of what will really happen. I have only the tiniest inkling of what I would feel.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

nataly87 said:


> Question is, which one of those situations would you consider cheating, so badly that you would break up with your partner?
> 
> *Kissing, hugging, holding hands*
> Having sex or doing sexual acts
> ...


If I was in an exclusive relationship with a man and found out he was kissing, holding hands and hugging another woman.. I would be crushed.. if he did that.. It speaks a few things very clearly...

He was enjoying it, wanted it & wasn't worrying about that could hurt me, or my feelings...his Passion for the other woman meant MORE in those moments.. it's very telling to where one's heart IS.. or where it wants to go and gravitate to.... so I'd have to break up.. give him his freedom.. knowing I was NOT significant enough to be faithful to. 

I want to cherished and wanted above all.. or basically "F*** off".. that's my attitude.. If I want to give like that, give my all to someone.... I want the same treatment in return, faithfulness is a foundation.. without this.. what can really be built ?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> Which cheating situations would you consider, it to lead to a break up? The person going on another date with someone else, cheating and break up after that occurrence or give them another chance, or the person cheating having some type of sexual interaction and that causing the break up to happen, to other simple things from holding hands, kissing, hugging forms of cheating leading to a break up. Or would you consider something totally different cheating, that would lead to a break up. Or even if the person said what they did was a mistake and they realized it was a mistake and you gave them another chance? What would you do?


Whob is the person concerned? How long have you been together? What have they done?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

At the start of a relationship - where there is no exclusivity - where you are feeling one another out - where you are attracted but have no commitments... there are often ambiguous situations where one or the other might also have interest in someone else.

This is natural and part of dating. But if it's the case, and you are beginning to have feelings, or want to pursue sonething more, then it's on you to express that desire and talk about it. 

Once you are exclusively dating then I think any expressed interest in someone else is a deal breaker. It means you are only an option - a plan B or C - and if you have a strong sense of self worth you move on.

It's not punishing the other person, it's just listening and accepting what the other person is telling you. You aren't number one in their life. So me on. IMO


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Ummm...

I don't get this thread. At all.

What is the question? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Slow Hand (Oct 4, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Ummm...
> 
> I don't get this thread. At all.
> 
> ...


I think the OP would like to know what some peoples limit is, what they would tolerate before breaking it off.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

TheTruthHurts said:


> At the start of a relationship - where there is no exclusivity - where you are feeling one another out - where you are attracted but have no commitments... there are often ambiguous situations where one or the other might also have interest in someone else.
> 
> This is natural and part of dating. But if it's the case, and you are beginning to have feelings, or want to pursue sonething more, then it's on you to express that desire and talk about it.
> 
> ...


Explained very well !


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> If I was in an exclusive relationship with a man and found out he was kissing, holding hands and hugging another woman.. I would be crushed.. if he did that.. It speaks a few things very clearly...
> 
> He was enjoying it, wanted it & wasn't worrying about that could hurt me, or my feelings...his Passion for the other woman meant MORE in those moments.. it's very telling to where one's heart IS.. or where it wants to go and gravitate to.... so I'd have to break up.. give him his freedom.. knowing I was NOT significant enough to be faithful to.
> 
> I want to cherished and wanted above all.. or basically "F*** off".. that's my attitude.. *If I want to give like that, give my all to someone.... I want the same treatment in return, faithfulness is a foundation.. without this.. what can really be built ?*


Especially this. Kissing and hand holding would be especially offensive because it says that it isnt just lust...that true affection is involved and that is a dealbreaker. Holding my hand and kissing me would be meaningless after you've done it with another. 




And


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Thinking more about this, I'd have to add that you could find out that your BF or GF kissed someone or held hands, etc but still not break up if you thought you were exclusive but it becomes clear they didn't understand that.

The biggest relationship problem - probably causing the most breakups and heartache - is miscommunication. Of course we're very sure of what WE meant and we ASSUME the other understands and agrees... but sadly few us us are so direct and clear that this is true.

So I would change what I wrote to say talk and listen first and try to keep an open mind. There are many, many threads here where one partner believes the other has betrayed them but the other doesn't see it that way. It could be an old BF or GF who approaches and gives a hug and your partner doesn't want to offend or is caught off guard. Or an old BF or GF starts an online chat and your partner responds but is really only being polite. Then it's time to talk about boundaries and trust and be clear about what you will accept. My personal boundaries are firm, but I've read enough here to realize that I would have to listen and hold off on judging even if it were hard.


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## Slow Hand (Oct 4, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Thinking more about this, I'd have to add that you could find out that your BF or GF kissed someone or held hands, etc but still not break up if you thought you were exclusive but it becomes clear they didn't understand that.
> 
> The biggest relationship problem - probably causing the most breakups and heartache - is miscommunication. Of course we're very sure of what WE meant and we ASSUME the other understands and agrees... but sadly few us us are so direct and clear that this is true.
> 
> So I would change what I wrote to say talk and listen first and try to keep an open mind. There are many, many threads here where one partner believes the other has betrayed them but the other doesn't see it that way. It could be an old BF or GF who approaches and gives a hug and your partner doesn't want to offend or is caught off guard. Or an old BF or GF starts an online chat and your partner responds but is really only being polite. Then it's time to talk about boundaries and trust and be clear about what you will accept. My personal boundaries are firm, but I've read enough here to realize that I would have to listen and hold off on judging even if it were hard.


My wife knew the boundaries and decided to humiliate me anyway. We talked about it plenty of times, she knew very well what she was doing and to this day will not talk to me about any of it. Each time she breaks down, cries an locks herself away from me. So, I agree, lack of communication or miscommunication kills a relationship.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

nataly87 said:


> Question is, which one of those situations would you consider cheating, so badly that you would break up with your partner?
> 
> Kissing, hugging, holding hands
> Having sex or doing sexual acts
> ...


All the above are deal breakers for me


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