# Help! Here is what she is telling me.



## missionsman (Mar 10, 2013)

She tells me that she loves me, yet she disrespects me and has told me that. She says that she doesn't want to hurt me, yet she wants a divorce and says she still hopes we can be friends. 
Looks like an affair to me.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

missionsman said:


> She tells me that she loves me, yet she disrespects me and has told me that.* She says that she doesn't want to hurt me, yet she wants a divorce and says she still hopes we can be friends.*
> Looks like an affair to me.


How can you be friends with someone who betrays and disrespects you? Tell her good luck with that.

More info would be needed for responses. 

Why do you think it's an affair? 
What brought your marriage to this point? 
What have you done about it?
What have you done about the affair? 
What do you want at this point?


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Either that or she wishes you would man up and romance her. Are you beta?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

She DOESN"T love you

She DOESN"T care if she hurts you

She wants OUT


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Never mind what she's TELLING you...it's what she's NOT TELLING you that matters.

1.) You can't love someone you don't respect. Not possible, not in a marriage.

2.) She doesn't want to hurt you, but she wants a divorce. Sounds like she's in an affair.

3.) She still wants to be friends. That would be so she wouldn't have to face that she's a CHEATER. Instead, she could view it as 'incompatibility' or 'doing you a FAVOR' since she doesn't love you "like that" or whatever. 

Get an STD test for your piece of mind. Go to the Coping With Infidelity boards for info on how you can find evidence of her affair OR put your mind to rest that she is NOT cheating on you (highly unlikely IMO).


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Didn't you also post elsewhere that she's talking to 2 different guys?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

In the ladies section you mentioned she was talking to a few guys on the side. Why did you leave that out from this one?

Yea she's cheating. But she wants you to stay friends in case her new boyfriends don't get serious with her, she'll have you to fall back on. Do you want to be someone else' back up plan?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

missionsman! This is your chance! Dump her and run for your life!!


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## missionsman (Mar 10, 2013)

keko said:


> In the ladies section you mentioned she was talking to a few guys on the side. Why did you leave that out from this one?
> 
> Yea she's cheating. But she wants you to stay friends in case her new boyfriends don't get serious with her, she'll have you to fall back on. Do you want to be someone else' back up plan?


Sorry I left that out. She went into the garage late one night and was talking in her car. Before she went to the car, we were on the couch. I had fallin asleep, she woke me up wanted me to go to bed, shut the door and turn on the fan. I knew something wasn't right because she had never done that before. I got up after 10 minutes went to living room and found she wasnt in house. I saw her in the garage in car on phone. I didnt say anything when we came to bed to see if she would tell me anything which she didnt. I noticed she got real cuddly with me that night, which she hadn't done in a long time. She didn't want any sex though. When I questioned her the next day,she said she was talking to her best girlfriend in Texas and didnt want to wake me up. LIE! Another time (we were sleeping in other rooms as I had left our bedroom the next night) she said she was real tired, closed her door, locked it and after about 10 minutes I could hear her talking to some man around 10:30pm. I moved out in a hurry last week because she got drunk and saying some crazy crap and calling me names. I confronted her when she was sober and she acted like she didn't say anything and tried to make me think I was imagining it all. I wish I would have recorded it, because I know what I heard.
Anyway I'm out and i will NOT be her backup plan!


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

You should be in the CWI section.

Sorry you are here.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I don't respect you.
Translation: Nearly as much as this other new guy I've met.
I want to be friends.
Translation: Just in case this other thing doesn't work out, so I'll have a backup plan. You're better than nothing.


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## missionsman (Mar 10, 2013)

Update
I moved out filed for divorce and she has the papers but has not signed them and its been over a week. When I ask her about them, she ask me why I was in a hurry,and if I had a woman I wanted to go out with, she said it's ok, you can tell me. Of course I didn't and said i had no one. 
I did notice she has quit calling the guy and she made a comment to me that in her counseling she has learned to set boundaries and made some comment about cutting certain people out of her life. She is unaware still that I have axcess to the phone calls she has.
Last week she still wanted to take me out to eat for my birthday that was passed and she wanted me to pick wherever I wanted to go. I picked our favorite place and on the way I mentioned the divorce papers. She didn't want to talk about them and mentioned that she wanted to enjoy our meal. I had the day off and mentioned I needed to look for some furniture and she said she did too, which was the truth. ( She needed to find some furniture to replace the few things that I took) We went together all afternoon and had a great time. After reading some of the threads on here, could somone post some good links for me to read? I don't understand many of these abbrevations also. I need to man up more and get input from you guys here. Help! I've been surrounded by women a big majority of my life and need some mentoring from some men with wisdom.
I have been married for 2 years now to a woman that has been through a lot of abuse and some affairs.
I feel like Hosea and Gomer!
I do see some changes but I have to see some real openess and transparency for things to work.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

You're plan E right now and if she ever decides she's had enough playing around she'll get to you and tell you that she will "take you back now".

Visit the coping with infidelity section and do some reading.


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