# Use of sex toys together?



## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Shouldnt complain too much I guess because sex life has been crap recently so at least this is an improvement.

Anyway, been together 20 years or so.

Wife has got a vibrator which she admits to using. The other night when we were getting down to it (first time for a while) I suggested she get it out.

She hesitate for a moment but then said she'd feel uncomfortable with me there. Weird or what?

So, is using sex toys like this something that 'most' women enjoy or not? Or is this an added extra?

Opinion?


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

opinion  even though you have been married for 20 years she still feels like she cant open up around you , something is holding her back ? 
She finds it hard to relax enough just to let herself go ... what you need to work on is what you can do to help her open up .. 

maybe you need to be a little more dominate , and just go for using the toys with her .. a few glasses of wine before you make love might help her to relax a little x 
toys are great alone but better when used together . 
Ive been married for 19 years and its only been the last year or so ive been confident enough to open up ! not sure why im like it but its takes a lot off effort for me to say i want to take you to bed ! i guess fear of rejection plays a part  although ive neve been turnt down lol x good luck and keep working at it x


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

humpty dumpty said:


> opinion  even though you have been married for 20 years she still feels like she cant open up around you , something is holding her back ?
> She finds it hard to relax enough just to let herself go ... what you need to work on is what you can do to help her open up ..
> 
> maybe you need to be a little more dominate , and just go for using the toys with her .. a few glasses of wine before you make love might help her to relax a little x
> ...


Hi Humpty,

Shes never been the most forward in the bedroom department. I guess this is just the way she is.

Yeh. Maybe some alcohol would do it? ;-)


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## BuddyL33 (Jul 16, 2009)

Why don't you go out and buy her some new toys. Check out adameve.com or something like that. My wife and I almost always include some sort of toy in sex. She will be totally in awe when you pull out something new on her.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Hmm. Not so sure if she would....


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

There is rarely a time a toy is not involved with the Mrs. and I. Psycho why don't yall sit down and talk about it. In a relaxed setting have you asked her why she's embarrased? Make sure she knows you are up for it, like it and find it fun. You can maybe work her a bit to open up with the idea by saying it's always been one of YOUR fantasies that she uses them (even if it's not).


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

ok, how exactly did you find out she uses a toy? did she "let" you find out?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Toys... Me & my husband do not use them at all. I accually bought my 1st dildo and vibrator a little over a year ago, since I never had either , after all of these years. I learned from a few friends , they have always used them, I was kind of surprised, just something people don't talk much about. I still prefer him, for me, it was no comparison, I found the experience hollow -without him. 

My husband does not seem the type who cares to explore toys , just not into that, and for me, if he is NOT into it, then I can not enjoy it as much. He just wants me to use him , he says toys take away from the intimacy (his words), I am accually more open to using them, but I do not want to ask him to use them, so for now, we are both satisfied without. 

Maybe in the future , we can explore this further. 

I am interested in learning what kind of toys couples use. I know on the Adam & Eve site, they have reviews, I find that very helpful. So many toys out there, where to start! What are some favorites out there.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> So many toys out there, where to start! What are some favorites out there.


I don't know what's popular, but I can tell you what we have in our "tool" chest. My wifes favorite is a bullet vibrator. It can be used in many locations. She also likes anal beads (she likes the almost continuous feel of them. 

I've tried some toys for me but I never really liked any of them. It seems that you ladies have more fun stuff to play with then us guys do.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

The suggestion from Star seems agressive but, may work. I would love to hear what other women say. 

I am in the same boat, my wife admitted to using but, pushes back on using together. I am not sure if this is because: 

1) that deep down some women may feel embarassed about the using toys-one thing to admit to using it (quite another to be seen using it.

Or

2) they may be unconfortable seeing how they respond to the vibrator (that is they may like it ALOT) and not sure how their man may react to it. 

Not sure which is the case with women but, interesting.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

okeydokie said:


> ok, how exactly did you find out she uses a toy? did she "let" you find out?


The object in question arrived in the post and she told me.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Crypsys said:


> There is rarely a time a toy is not involved with the Mrs. and I. Psycho why don't yall sit down and talk about it. In a relaxed setting have you asked her why she's embarrased? Make sure she knows you are up for it, like it and find it fun. You can maybe work her a bit to open up with the idea by saying it's always been one of YOUR fantasies that she uses them (even if it's not).


Yeh. It maybe just a case of waiting till theres a right time to discuss it. Otherwise I feel she might feel pressured.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Toys... Me & my husband do not use them at all. I accually bought my 1st dildo and vibrator a little over a year ago, since I never had either , after all of these years. I learned from a few friends , they have always used them, I was kind of surprised, just something people don't talk much about. I still prefer him, for me, it was no comparison, I found the experience hollow -without him.


You sound a bit like my wife...


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

tjohnson said:


> The suggestion from Star seems agressive but, may work. I would love to hear what other women say.
> 
> I am in the same boat, my wife admitted to using but, pushes back on using together. I am not sure if this is because:
> 
> ...


I think its defintely (1) with my wife... I think maybe you've hit the nail on the head there.

Not sure if the people on this forum are a true cross representation of everyone in society though. LOL 

It seems people on this forum are either those who've got problems in their marriages, or those who are interested in things to spice up their marriage.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

The whole thing is strange women can talk about their rabbit vibrators on sex inthe city and it is supposed to be some sort of liberating thing that women can "take care of their onw needs" which is great by the way. But, they are still somehow uncomfortable with using them with their partner. 

Can women explain so us guys can understand. 

I am considering the bondage suggestion. Not sure if she will be really happy or pissed. Not sure of good ways/devises to restrain that are effective but don't hurt. 

any suggestions welcome


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

Neckties are great. They're soft and they make great blindfolds. I would probably start with blindfolding her and feeding her little bits of sensual food - things that are warm, soft, creamy, etc., like little chocolates and such. Feeding someone is awesome foreplay, and the blindfold adds excitement without threat.

You could try binding her hands or feet, but I wouldn't suggest hogtying her with a rubber hose at least for a while. 

Ease into it - if she likes the blindfold / feeding thing, next time try some blindfolded massage, and then escalate from there. You may find that she starts to tell you more of what she really really wants.


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## JRyan (Jun 7, 2010)

My wife and I sometimes use toys to heat things up a bit in the bedroom. They are never the only thing that goes on though, they are just a warm up for the real thing. I enjoy watching her use them and she has purchased some for me that she will use on me or watch me use myself. I will say though, we never used toys until after the first time she let me watch her masturbate before sex, I guess once that cat was out of the bag, vibators were o.k. Your wife may just be embarassed to masturbate in front of you, some women have told me that they feel that it would send a signal that you aren't good enough and they need a toy. Once my wife and I used them toghether though, it opened up some new activities which we enjoy very much. Maybe try asking her what type of toys she would like to use with you and then shop online for them together, it kind of makes it a more intimate experience that way.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

tjohnson said:


> The whole thing is strange women can talk about their rabbit vibrators on sex inthe city and it is supposed to be some sort of liberating thing that women can "take care of their onw needs" which is great by the way. But, they are still somehow uncomfortable with using them with their partner.
> 
> Can women explain so us guys can understand.


So I'm not the only one. Come on women, explain ????


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## questions (May 7, 2010)

In my playful moment during sex with my H this morning, I took out Hitach Magic Wand. Mind you that I've never used or owned a sex toy until a few weeks ago, and this thing is big, but wow!!! I don't know how many times I've come this morning :smthumbup:. Even though HMW makes me have an orgasm very quickly, it is never satisfactory using it alone (kinda felt empty afterwards). Now with my H using it on me while having sex, wow, it was very powerful!!!

In the past, I didn't own any sex toys and didn't explore much sexually all possibly due to my own inhibitions. I neither enjoyed sex nor have regular orgasms. Now that I threw all my inhibitions out the window, I'm open to anything, and it gets better and better :smthumbup: It seems like that my sex suddenly woke up, and I feel liberated.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

questions said:


> In my playful moment during sex with my H this morning, I took out Hitach Magic Wand. Mind you that I've never used or owned a sex toy until a few weeks ago, and this thing is big, but wow!!! I don't know how many times I've come this morning :smthumbup:. Even though HMW makes me have an orgasm very quickly, it is never satisfactory using it alone (kinda felt empty afterwards). Now with my H using it on me while having sex, wow, it was very powerful!!!
> 
> In the past, I didn't own any sex toys and didn't explore much sexually all possibly due to my own inhibitions. I neither enjoyed sex nor have regular orgasms. Now that I threw all my inhibitions out the window, I'm open to anything, and it gets better and better :smthumbup: It seems like that my sex suddenly woke up, and I feel liberated.



Glad to hear things are working out....


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