# Nightmare scenario-Live next-door to MIL



## One_Irish_Rover (Mar 29, 2009)

Through an array of poor decisions on my part, and alot of ill-advised advice given to my wife, we now live next-door to my Mother-in-law. After 17 years of methodical undermining, I no longer have any type of respect or control over the happenings in my household.
My wife has very little regard for me or my desires (not sexual), usually financial, or on how to raise out 7 year-old daughter. She relies on her mother's advice almost exclusively regarding every aspect of our family life. Her mother even has the gumption to lecture me in my own home.
The fact that I've worked the same job for 23 years; raises every year, full medical, dental, vision (a good civil service position) seems to mean nothing. The 2+ hour daily commute means nothing. The back surgery, the hernia... you get the idea.
Recently my wife has been telling me she'd be better off if I just left. This after stating that maybe we should find a new home for our dog which recently did $5,000 worth of damage to my house. (So if it came to me, or the dog...it's me!)
I'm seriously at my wits end. I need to know if anyone out there has had a similar issue. I love my wife, but I fear she may have been poisoned against me to the point of no help.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Bad news dude, Is she Italian or Irish MIL? I grew up in NJ, so I know what you mean...Living next to the MIL is bad news.

I would NEVER EVER live next to her mother or my mother for that matter. As they say good fences make good neighbors, MIL is the worst neighbor possible.

Sorry man, really the worst possible DECISION YOU made by was allowing the MIL to live next to you.

tough decision here, because you will be forced out one way or another.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

Move.... fast....


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

Bad idea, bad bad bad....

Never live next door to Either set of in-laws... even if you think you get along. Inevitabley, they will butt in.

I feel for you.

I know this is simplisitc advice, But, can you just put your foot down when it comes to your wife? 

Tell her how it's gonna be, and if she doesn't like it, she can take the dog, and move next door. LOL.. okay, that is a bit harsh.

But serioulsy, don't tolerate this. You are partners, and as such, you have just as much right to express what you think in your own home. 

Don't allow your MIL to lecture you. Just leave the room when she starts. That's what I would do.

I guess, you need to sit your wife down, alone, without mom in law around. Have a serious heart to heart. Tell her how much this is damaging your marriage, and your pride.

Only way to make her see if to talk to her. And perhaps try to make her see what it would be like, if you did this kind of thing to her, and if your Mother was the one being so rude, disrespectful, and hateful to her.... maybe she doesn't see how bad this really is.

A lot of times the other person, has no clue how damaging a parent in law butting in, can be to their own relationship.


Good luck, update us please...

And , I'd move if you can. Find a different house. IF that's not an option, tell your wife what is on your mind. And be firm....


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## USAF1982 (Jan 27, 2009)

I feel for you man... I know exactly what you're going through, my wife and I purchased our first new home in Nov 07 and everything was great.

We were meeting the neighbors, getting acquainted with everybody and loving our new home, then in Jun 08 my wife comes up w/ the lovely idea that my mother-in-law should purchase the home five-houses down the street from us (on the same street, mind you). I was totally against it and let my wife know exactly how I felt, but it's a free country and who was I to tell my mother-in-law that she couldn't buy it.

So needless to say, she's been living there since Jun 08; her 26 and 33 year old sons live w/ her (I'm 26 years old as well and my wife is 24). Well, my wife is a stay at home mom and she started spending hours and hours of her days at her moms and w/ her brothers, seemed she didn't even need/want me anymore. When we'd be alone at home, she'd be reading a book, then they'd come over and she'd put the book down and be hospitable. I'd be like WTF, you never put that book down to talk to me. Another thing, her 26 year old brother would call her continiously on weekends at 2 a.m. to pick him up from bars after he'd get in fights and stuff....this happend maybe five or six times, rediculious!!!

Basically I felt like she was getting all her other needs met by her family and didn't need to talk to me and at the same time none of my needs were being met. I was miserable for a good while, but now lucky for me things are looking up.

My job informed me that I would be relocating out-of-state permanently and that I have to be there by May 09. Best news I've heard in a long time... I'm hoping that me and my wife can connect again and be a united family again (we have 2 daughters). 

I know that from my wife's standpoint she's going to go from seeing her mother/brothers 4/5 hours a day, to maybe a week every year is going to be tough. I hope that she'll be strong enough and realize that it's about me and her, that me and my daughters are her family....moreso than her mother/brothers, even though I understand that her mother/brothers are blood and will always be family, but we need to be her #1 priority, as she is to us.

To make matters worse, she just found out that one of her brothers has cancer....this is hard on her and leaving her family was hard enough, but now you can only imagine how much harder it will be knowing that he is sick. I want to support her and be there for her, but honestly I cannot wait to leave and hopefully get started with our own life once again.

Of course when we move/arrive at our new location her entire family (mother and 3 brothers) are all tagging along. I never invited any of them, but I'll assume my wife did, or they invited themselves....they'd do something like that (sounds like them).

Anyways, I'm hoping we'll move and put up w/ them for a week more in May (after our move) and then they'll be gone for a long, long time.

It hurts me because I too am leaving my family (parents/siblings), but in my opinion it will be worth it to get my wife back and press forward as a family. As it stands I maybe see my family once every two weeks at most.

The new home we had custom built is not the same for me... I NEVER want to live in it again just because of the experience I've had living next to the in-laws, they've made it that bad for me. I have absolutely no desire to ever move back here. If it was up to me, I'd sell the home, but my wife is scared that things will not work out between us and she wants somewhere she can fall back on if that does happen. Sort of security you can say...

Of course she doesn't want to get rid of it because she hopes to someday move/live next to her family....never in my life will I make that same mistake! The only reason I agree to lease and not sell now is because the housing market is bad....but if/when it gets better I wouldn't hesitate to sell. But of course she'll be against it.

I just hope she doesn't sabatoge our marriage because she will be depressed being away from her family. Being only 24, this will be the first time she'll really have left mom/brothers. In my opinion, it's time to grow up and stand on our own (for both of us). I hope it works out for us.... I'm really praying...

Best of luck to you in your dilema....but to answer your question, yes, there are a lot of us in that situation. I plan on getting out of it and hopefully be smart enough to NEVER be in it AGAIN!

Best of luck...


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