# Wife cheated with younger man, how do I come back from,this?



## mikefields183

My wife and I have been married for 19 years. About a month ago we had an agreement and she went cool off at a bar. She ended up at the apartment of a 24yo man. This happened, hard for me to say still. She and I are working it out. I am truly just and devastated. She hasn't apologized and seems like she wants life to go back to normal. I just don't know what to do or believe. I love her more than anything and don't no about her love for me now.


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## MattMatt

What was your argument about?

She hasn't apologised? That's bad as she can provide no evidence that she would not do it again.

Any children?


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## Fleur de Cactus

If you are trying to save your marriage, ask her to tell you the whole truth. Ask her what proofs she has that she will not cheat on you again. How the cheating took place. Who is the other man? is he in relationship? was this one time thing? Also, MC may help you.


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## Lostinthought61

And exactly why does she feel that an apology is not warranted ? Also is there a fear she will continue with it? Because I would suggest to you that the reason she is not apologying is that she is not done yet.


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## GusPolinski

mikefields183 said:


> My wife and I have been married for 19 years. About a month ago we had an agreement and she went cool off at a bar. She ended up at the apartment of a 24yo man. This happened, hard for me to say still. She and I are working it out. I am truly just and devastated. She hasn't apologized and seems like she wants life to go back to normal. I just don't know what to do or believe. I love her more than anything and don't no about her love for me now.


A few thoughts...

1) You had an argument w/ your wife of 19 years and her response was to run out to a bar and pick up another guy? WTF were you arguing about? Have you, at any point in your marriage, cheated on your wife? Be honest.

Either way, I'd be willing to bet that this wasn't her first time cheating.

2) Her lack of remorse suggests that she might still be seeing the guy. Or, if not him, someone else.

3) Who is this guy? Did she know him at all prior to meeting him at the bar?

4) It sounds like your wife is looking to rugsweep everything, and that doesn't quite qualify as "working it out". In fact, it's not even close.

5) Have the two of you attended marriage counseling recently?


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## HarryDoyle

Of course she wants to just forget about it, she royally f'd up and now she's hoping that if she just ignores it, it will just go away. (see "rug sweeping") That's just human nature. Hell, there's a bunch of stuff I'd just soon as forget myself. To bad life doesn't work that way. It's your job to show her that. Until she fully acknowledges everything your marriage has no chance. As it is you're already on very shaky ground. The fact that she hasn't apologized is mind boggling and not a very good sign.


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## ThePheonix

GusPolinski said:


> Either way, I'd be willing to bet that this wasn't her first time cheating.


Yep. this ain't her first rodeo. She didn't go to cool off at a bar. Something else is going on with this girl.


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## GusPolinski

steitnifols said:


> The fact that she hasn't apologized is mind boggling and not a very good sign.


There you go, @EleGirl.


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## Hurtin_Still

.......not getting any kind of sincere apology ....is ...to me .....almost as devastating as the act of betrayal itself.


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## OldWolf57

How often does she start arguments to run out ??
If I was you I would start snooping.


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## NoChoice

OP,
If indeed this is an accurate accounting of the events that transpired I would be very concerned about the marriage. To meet, get acquainted and have intercourse all in one evening shows severe lack of good judgement. Conversely, it could also represent an effort designed specifically to hurt you profoundly. In either case it demonstrates a serious lack of cognizant thought. A person so lacking in thought processing ability would be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to rationalize with. Therefore, if you wish to remain married, you will need to implement strict rules, as you would for a child and impose significant consequences for the breaking those rules.

Since your wife has little to no self governing ability her actions must then be influenced by some outside force. The problem with this is that you must have leverage in order to force her obedience. If she cares to remain married then the marriage may give you some leverage and you could use the threat of D as your tool to force obedience. Lacking that, perhaps you could find another source such as finances or humiliation. In any event, you must use something that she strongly desires and does not want to loose, if such a thing exists, to force her to behave. If no such thing exists, then your chances of controlling her behavior are very slim indeed.

You may wish to consider that this may not be her first trist and she simply has not yet been caught. If this is an isolated event then perhaps it represents her loss of concern for remaining married to you in which case the threat of D may no longer be a tool in your arsenal. Regrettable. I wish you good fortune.


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## RWB

Mike,

C'mon man, as *Paul Harvey *use to say _"Now, the Rest of the Story"._ Ironic... TAMers getting TT.


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## BobSimmons

You had an agreement and she cheated on ya? Hate to think what would have happened if you had disagreement?


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## Decorum

ThePheonix said:


> Yep. this ain't her first rodeo. She didn't go to cool off at a bar. Something else is going on with this girl.


:iagree:

mikefields183,

It is common for women to use an argument to compartmentalize and justify cheating.

If you read on TAM (and you should) you will see it all the time.

This was her "hall pass".

Time to 180!

The correct response to this may seem counter-intuitive, please listen to the advice you are given here.

Here is a link to the nebie thread, you should start reading there as well.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

I am sorry.

Take care.


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## jsmart

After 19 years of marriage, she gets mad about an argument and goes out, meets and has sex with a man so young that she could be his mother. A middle aged woman that can do that must have cheated in the past.

There are way too many missing pieces to this story. 
To help guide you we need to know more. 

1. What are your ages
2. Kids? How many & ages
3. Do you both work. and are you the main breadwinner. 
4. Have you cheated or been abusive, drugs?
5. Has there been hall passes or swinging involved.

I know that last one sounds strange but your story sounds very strange. My spider senses tells me there's more to this.


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## G.J.

For your own sake get tested for S.T.Ds please


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## lifeistooshort

Think OP will be back?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub

Where'd you go Mike?

Got some great posts so far but we need more info.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt

Mike, was it a real argument? Or did she set you up?


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## mikefields183

More details of the night. She doesn't remember leaving with the guy that night. She woke up covered in vomit in his bath tub. Contacting the guy he claims he tried to get oral from her and have sex but she got,sick all over the place. When she tried to leave the next morning he made her stay and clean up the mess. He also made advances and made her fondle for a ride back,to,her vehicle. On the way home she stopped at a friends house to change shirts to not be covered in vomit when seeing the kids. She told what had happened that she can remember that .night. Assisted,me in finding the guy and contacting those involved. We had a doctors exam at the hospital and are awaiting the results now. This will be a six month wait. Tue agreement that night was over finances and very heated and we both said very hurtful things.


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## mikefields183

1. What are your ages 2. Kids? How many & ages 3. Do you both work. and are you the main breadwinner. 4. Have you cheated or been abusive, drugs? 5. Has there been hall passes or swinging involved.
I am 49 she is 43.
Two kids 12 and 13
Both work but I am the bread winner.
Never cheated and never abusive or drug use.
No hall passes and swinging. She was a virgin when we married and she is sexually very conservative but likes it.


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## kristin2349

mikefields183 said:


> More details of the night. She doesn't remember leaving with the guy that night. She woke up covered in vomit in his bath tub. Contacting the guy he claims he tried to get oral from her and have sex but she got,sick all over the place. When she tried to leave the next morning he made her stay and clean up the mess. He also made advances and made her fondle for a ride back,to,her vehicle. On the way home she stopped at a friends house to change shirts to not be covered in vomit when seeing the kids. She told what had happened that she can remember that .night. Assisted,me in finding the guy and contacting those involved. We had a doctors exam at the hospital and are awaiting the results now. This will be a six month wait. Tue agreement that night was over finances and very heated and we both said very hurtful things.


A six month wait to find out the results of the exam at the hospital? Come on, you could live in the Amazon and get the results upon examination...They can visually see any trauma and evidence of intercourse like presence of semen. Something is off with this.

And she "fondled" him for a ride? Dude, if your wife will give a guy a handy J for a ride, she has issues.


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## ConanHub

Yeah. I think she could have just called her friend to pick her up or you. Performing sexually for a ride?

There is no six month wait for std testing.

How do you know she is telling you the truth?

You said you talked with the kid?

How did he justify pressuring your wife into fondling for a ride?

What does "fondling" mean exactly?

Why hasn't your wife apologized for such disgusting behavior and betrayal?

Isn't she at least ashamed for fvcking around on you with a boy young enough to be her son?

Her attitude doesn't add up.

Are you just going to put up with this or are you going to do something about it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikefields183

It is a rape sane kit. Locked up at the medical exam,office. Backlog has it,this way. The nurse doing the exam who,is trained for this exam didn't mention any semn or trauma to,the vaginal area. Alouth my wife said he was well endowed and has throat issues since that night. Sore and strep like symptoms.


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## ConanHub

Still a lot of questions to answer Mike.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102

So, if she was taken advantage of sexually (she was drunk) and forced to do these acts for a ride, then she should have NO PROBLEM having him arrested for sexual assault.

Say this to her, and see what her reaction is. Then you will see just how remorseful she really is about working on the marriage.


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## ThePheonix

mikefields183 said:


> Alouth my wife said he was well endowed and has throat issues since that night. Sore and strep like symptoms.


Give me a break.


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## ConanHub

ThePheonix said:


> Give me a break.


Um....Yeah.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hardtohandle

OP

Realize that your love for her will allow you to accept anything she tells you right now.. But as you calm down and rationalize this month later you will start to ask questions and discover that things are not as she said.. That things will NOT fit in.. Things will NOT make sense..

You mentioned a vitullo kit ( Rape Kit )... 

Make sure you don't go down a road with this where you end up looking like a bigger fool.. 

Remember this is her story about not remembering things.. Which is a very, very, very, ( and one more time ) very common thing people say when cheating and alcohol are put together..

Did she forget where she parked her car when she was SOBER ? 

Was she out of cash that she couldn't call a cab to her car ?

She is clearly feeding off your lead on events here.. If you told her does she think she was abducted by aliens and tested, she would say yes at this moment.. 

Anything to make you feel comfortable with what happen and not what really happen.. Because no man wants to know or realize their wife was fvcking another man but them.. Been there done that..

Keep posting.. 

But learn some stuff about the internet and posting.. Like quoting and using the preview button..


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## bandit.45

mikefields183 said:


> More details of the night. She doesn't remember leaving with the guy that night. She woke up covered in vomit in his bath tub. Contacting the guy he claims he tried to get oral from her and have sex but she got,sick all over the place. When she tried to leave the next morning he made her stay and clean up the mess. He also made advances and made her fondle for a ride back,to,her vehicle. On the way home she stopped at a friends house to change shirts to not be covered in vomit when seeing the kids. She told what had happened that she can remember that .night. Assisted,me in finding the guy and contacting those involved. We had a doctors exam at the hospital and are awaiting the results now. This will be a six month wait. Tue agreement that night was over finances and very heated and we both said very hurtful things.


High class woman you have there. 

She's a keeper.


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## NoChoice

This story has become fantastic.


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## TRy

mikefields183 said:


> my wife said he was well endowed and has throat issues since that night


 The other man did tell you that they had oral.


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## bandit.45

...all that friction must have rubbed her throat raw...

Pure class.


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## Vulcan2013

I believe STDs can be transmitted orally.


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## 6301

Friend your on the verge of not only losing your wife and family but your self respect and dignity if you don't wise up real quick and start thinking.

If you haven't figured out by now that she handed you a story that is so pathetic and unbelievable and you falling for it, only makes her get off the hook but in due time you'll be blamed for it plus since your ready to accept her BS, you just gave her the keys to continue to do what she did and be willing to accept more of it.

My advice to you is wise up, take the bull by the horns and let her know that her story is a flt out lie, your not buying it and if need be tell her to move out and not come back until she's ready to fess up.

Not to mention that she shows no remorse should tell you that she has your number and she know full well you ain't going no where so you lose, she wins and your in for a real rough road for the rest of your life.

If it's me, I tell her that your setting up an appointment for her to take a polygraph test and if she wants the marriage to work, then she'll take it. She gives you grief about it then you SHOULD KNOW that she's lying.

Start acting like a pissed off husband whose wife cheated on him and put the ball in her court. Only then you can see how much you have to gain is by seeing how much you have to lose. Sure beats living in a marriage of lies.


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## harrybrown

She has no respect for you.

Start respecting yourself.

Go see an attorney today.

File and get the process back to get your self respect back.

Your life will be better without her in it.

She is not the person you thought you married.


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## bandit.45

She's nasty really. 

Just nasty.


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## Lostinthought61

Mike she is obviously not that conservative if she is willing to go home with this guy....I would be very worried.


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## workindad

mikefields183 said:


> More details of the night. She doesn't remember leaving with the guy that night. She woke up covered in vomit in his bath tub. Contacting the guy he claims he tried to get oral from her and have sex but she got,sick all over the place. When she tried to leave the next morning he made her stay and clean up the mess. He also made advances and made her fondle for a ride back,to,her vehicle. .


He made her stay and clean everything up.... then there was fondling involved for a ride back to her car?

Why didn't she call you, the friend she stopped to see before coming home, or a cab for a ride?

This doesn't even come close to making sense.


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## Graywolf2

kristin2349 said:


> *A six month wait to find out the results of the exam at the hospital? Come on, you could live in the Amazon and get the results upon examination...*They can visually see any trauma and evidence of intercourse like presence of semen. Something is off with this.


It's six months to be safe.

*HIV test:
*There's a period of time after a person is infected during which they won't test positive. This is called the “hiv window period.”
The window period can be from 9 days to 3-6 months, depending on the person's body and on the HIV-test that's used. 

During that time, you can test HIV negative even though you're HIV infected. You can still catch HIV from someone who is in the window period. In fact, there is evidence that a person in the window period is more likely to pass the virus on. 

*Herpes test:
*The Herpes test looks for antibodies that develop in the blood to fight the virus. They can be detected even if no symptoms or outbreaks are present. The window period for antibodies to develop after infection can be anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months. 

*In the early stage of infection, antibodies may not reach detectable levels, so a "false negative" result is possible. Test 2 weeks after exposure, then retest 3 months after initial test to confirm your results.
*


kristin2349 said:


> And she "fondled" him for a ride? Dude, if your wife will give a guy a handy J for a ride, she has issues.


Looks like it was a BJ


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## Decorum

mikefields183 said:


> I .... don't no about her love for me now.



Vomit is a turn off for me I can even get a twiggy at the smell.

So she "fondled" him in her vomit covered shirt and changed it at the girlfriends house. Can you drive over and get the vomit covered shirt?

Mike I want to be horrified for you, I realty do, but her story has some holes in it (She may just be letting you play her Knight In Shining Armor "KISA" to blame-shift). 

Assuming its true for a moment, most women who openly do what your wife did do so to break the relationship beyond repair, i.e. to end the marriage. (Perhaps by tainting themselves)

If you accept this kind of behavior it will confirm to her that you are not respect worthy.

No women who loves her man would put herself in that situation, not at all. It would be the last thing on her mind.

If you are not going to accept this behavior that what should you be doing?


Mike, I believe you should be asking that question here. What must you do to restore respect, bring accountability and evaluate the viability of the relationship.

What is the plan? What are your next steps?

Declarations of love? of forgiveness? Crying, pleading?

What should you be looking for in her in order to know where this relationship should go?

If this is true you are in shock, and have entered the first stage of grief which is denial. Is denial a position of strength from which good decisions can be made?

You need help, anyone of us would after this.

I really wish you well, take care.


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## Graywolf2

mikefields183 said:


> It is a rape sane kit. Locked up at the medical exam,office. Backlog has it, this way. The nurse doing the exam who,is trained for this exam didn't mention any semn or trauma to,the vaginal area. * Alouth my wife said he was well endowed and has throat issues since that night. Sore and strep like symptoms*.


*It sounds like a primary herpes infection. Primary means that she has never been exposed to that type of herpes before. It’s probably type II but could be type I.

EVEN IF IT IS HERPES THE TEST WILL BE NEGATIVE UNTIL SHE MAKES ANTIBODIES. This first test will probably be negative.*

Initial (primary) infection of the oral herpes simplex virus may cause severe, flu-like symptoms, swollen lymph nodes, and headache. Some individuals experience no symptoms at all. Lesions in initial infections occur around the mouth and on oral mucosa and the tongue. *"ORAL MUCOSA" includes the throat
*
Recurring infections tend to be much milder. Some individuals never have any more symptoms beyond the initial infection. 

The following are the most common signs and symptoms of a recurring oral herpes simplex virus infection. However, each individual may experience symptoms differently. The progression of signs and symptoms may include:
•	Initial redness, swelling, heat, and pain, or itching in the area where the infection will erupt.
•	Painful, fluid-filled blisters may appear. These blisters, and the fluid they contain, are highly contagious.
•	The blisters leak fluids and become sores.


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## Decorum

Ugg!


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## workindad

mikefields183 said:


> Alouth my wife said he was well endowed and has throat issues since that night. Sore and strep like symptoms.




Perhaps the well endowed comment explains the vomit and sore throat- he hit the back of her throat with his well endowed Johnson and triggered her gag reflex.

Imagine this to the back of her throat. :BoomSmilie_anim:

This still doesn't make any sense to me.


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## Divinely Favored

I call BS on her story


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## Graywolf2

Divinely Favored said:


> I call BS on her story


It appears that she gave someone new a BJ. They probably had type II herpes that she had never been exposed to. If his wife has never before been exposed to type II then the OP probably doesn't have it. Be very careful. There is no cure.

*Don't let her tooth brush get anywhere near yours or the kids*


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## jsmart

mikefields183 said:


> 1. What are your ages 2. Kids? How many & ages 3. Do you both work. and are you the main breadwinner. 4. Have you cheated or been abusive, drugs? 5. Has there been hall passes or swinging involved.
> I am 49 she is 43.
> Two kids 12 and 13
> Both work but I am the bread winner.
> Never cheated and never abusive or drug use.
> No hall passes and swinging. She was a virgin when we married and *she is sexually very conservative* but likes it.


Without wanting to get vulgar, you know the reason she threw up was because he was treating her like a trashy *****. I know you want to believe her story because the truth is too painful but you need to realize that the woman you thought was your wife is no longer there. You now have a selfish, vile woman who is definitely not sexually conservative and thinks very little for you and to be honest her 2 kids.

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE HAVE SEX WITH HER.
There is a possibility that she can end up having a STD. 

Go see a lawyer ASAP. 
Protect yourself financially.
It's 180 time. It's to help you detach.


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## tom67

jsmart said:


> Without wanting to get vulgar, you know the reason she threw up was because he was treating her like a trashy *****. I know you want to believe her story because the truth is too painful but you need to realize that the woman you thought was your wife is no longer there. You now have a selfish, vile woman who is definitely not sexually conservative and thinks very little for you and to be honest her 2 kids.
> 
> DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE HAVE SEX WITH HER.
> There is a possibility that she can end up having a STD.
> 
> Go see a lawyer ASAP.
> Protect yourself financially.
> It's 180 time. It's to help you detach.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogKQz285SAs


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## Augusto

You know what?.....This is bullsh!t. Why should you have to work on this at all? She trashed the marriage by going outside of your home. You should lock the ****ing door until she shows that she has cleaned the gutters, walks, and every blade of grass with her tongue. Figuratively speaking here....she should do the lifting.


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## woman

Graywolf2 said:


> It appears that she gave someone new a BJ. They probably had type II herpes that she had never been exposed to. If his wife has never before been exposed to type II then the OP probably doesn't have it. Be very careful. There is no cure.
> 
> *Don't let her tooth brush get anywhere near yours or the kids*


Good lord, really? It could be anything giving her a sore throat. 

Also, herpes is transmitted through skin to skin contact, even if she did contract it, the toothbrushes are safe.


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## G.J.

mikefields183 said:


> He also made advances and made her fondle for a ride back,to,her vehicle.
> 
> *So she prefers to fondle instead of phoning for a taxi ...hmm what's wrong with this.....*
> 
> .


Go see a lawyer and tell her you will be moving on with your life unless she starts telling you what happened and stop being so naïve as to think she can hide behind her 'cant remember because she was drunk' story

Just by going to a lawyer will shock her into admitting I would think....you don't have to follow it through...she wont know that


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## Divinely Favored

Instead of calling, she blew him for a ride. He would not let her leave his house till she cleaned it......that is UNLAWFUL RESTRAINT. 

You want the whole story? SHE AINT TELLING IT!!!!! SHE KNOWS AND IS CLAIMING DRUNK , BUT KNOWS HE WAS HUNG. BULL****! SHE IS JERKING YOU AROUND......

POLYGRAPH


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## Graywolf2

*This is for general information about herpes. 
*
1.	Some people never have symptoms when exposed to herpes (not even the first time) while others have a severe primary reaction. 

2.	It takes up to six months to develop antibodies and the antibodies are what is tested for.

My wife is a gynecologist. She had a patient who started dating a man whose wife had cheated on him. He got a divorce; never had any symptoms and all his initial STD tests were negative. 

*The problem was he wasn’t tested again at six months.* They had sex and my wife’s patient had a severe primary herpes outbreak. She could hardly walk.


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## Constable Odo

This is a "no brainer".

You dump her ass, and find yourself a much younger, hotter woman (even if you have to hire her), with gigantic tits, dress her in the ****tiest clothes possible, and parade her around all the places your now ex-wife normally frequents.


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## Graywolf2

woman said:


> Good lord, really? It could be anything giving her a sore throat.


This is very true but the chances of it being primary herpes has greatly increased due to her recent activity. The clues we have are introduction of a NEW huge [email protected], a sore throat and strep like symptoms. I don’t think stretching of her throat could cause strep like symptoms. She may not have herpes but given the clues it’s the best fit.



woman said:


> Also, herpes is transmitted through skin to skin contact, even if she did contract it, *the toothbrushes are safe*.


Good lord, really? Where did you come up with this?

Here are the conclusions of a study by Richard T. Glass, DDS, PhD*/ Harold G. Jense, PhD** 

"It is apparent that HSV-1 can remain viable on a dried toothbrush for at least 48 hours and in a moist envronment for more than seven days. The organism appears to be transmissible in that it can infect and produce cytotoxicity in Vero cells. 

This study provides more support for recommendations of regular toothbrush changing and immediate toothbrush changing in the presence of disease. Further, the storing of the toothbrush between uses should be in the dryest non-contaminated environment possible"


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## MachoMcCoy

It's really easy for her to go to a bar to find a younger man to screw. How long have you guys been married? Is she a party girl? Lots of GNO's?


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## woman

Graywolf2 said:


> This is very true but the chances of it being primary herpes has greatly increased due to her recent activity. The clues we have are introduction of a NEW huge [email protected], a sore throat and strep like symptoms. I don’t think stretching of her throat could cause strep like symptoms. She may not have herpes but given the clues it’s the best fit.
> 
> 
> 
> Good lord, really? Where did you come up with this?
> 
> Here are the conclusions of a study by Richard T. Glass, DDS, PhD*/ Harold G. Jense, PhD**
> 
> "It is apparent that HSV-1 can remain viable on a dried toothbrush for at least 48 hours and in a moist envronment for more than seven days. The organism appears to be transmissible in that it can infect and produce cytotoxicity in Vero cells.
> 
> This study provides more support for recommendations of regular toothbrush changing and immediate toothbrush changing in the presence of disease. Further, the storing of the toothbrush between uses should be in the dryest non-contaminated environment possible"





Graywolf2 said:


> This is very true but the chances of it being primary herpes has greatly increased due to her recent activity. The clues we have are introduction of a NEW huge [email protected], a sore throat and strep like symptoms. I don’t think stretching of her throat could cause strep like symptoms. She may not have herpes but given the clues it’s the best fit.
> 
> 
> 
> Good lord, really? Where did you come up with this?
> 
> Here are the conclusions of a study by Richard T. Glass, DDS, PhD*/ Harold G. Jense, PhD**
> 
> "It is apparent that HSV-1 can remain viable on a dried toothbrush for at least 48 hours and in a moist envronment for more than seven days. The organism appears to be transmissible in that it can infect and produce cytotoxicity in Vero cells.
> 
> This study provides more support for recommendations of regular toothbrush changing and immediate toothbrush changing in the presence of disease. Further, the storing of the toothbrush between uses should be in the dryest non-contaminated environment possible"


That article's from 1988. 

I've been a registered nurse for 15 years and have never seen a herpes transmission from an inanimate object. It's probably theoretically possible, but I would say very unlikely. If the OP contracts it from his toothbrush being close to hers, I'll eat my hat. 

Anyway, derail over. Good luck with everything OP. Going straight to 'OMG herpes!1' is a bit hysterical. Get her to a doctor and if she hasn't developed antibodies, she can still be tested if she's having what she suspects is an outbreak. 

Also, I agree that her throat wouldn't stretch to accommodate the OM's ginormous wang like a boa constrictor. Lol.


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## MattMatt

ThePheonix said:


> Give me a break.


Yeah. That was more likely caused by her vomiting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor

Oral chlamydia, gonorrhea, and other infections are possibilities too.

She needs a very comprehensive STD screening.


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## Decorum

Op is going to rug sweep this whole thing, kiss and make up, and take the blame.


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## quester

At some point someone explained to me that no matter how drunk you are, though your inhibitions may be down, you are still in control on some level. Alcohol doesn't "make you" do anything. That is to say, have you ever been so drunk that you made out with your grandmother? Odds are, no. 

Don't buy her story Mike. Even if she was VERY drunk, she still landed in this other guy's arms and with his private parts in her mouth. The problem began when she walked out the door after your argument with the intent to cheat.


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## Be smart

Damn man,you are not stupid are you ?
How can you belive her,what is wrong with you ?
She is lying to you and has ZERO respect for you and you are still by her side,damn. 


Open your eyes man,work that brain.

My advice is for you to fill for divorce NOW.
Have some respect for yourself and your kids.

Sorry you are here,stay strong


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## crossbar

Seriously, I'm not buying this story.

A rape kit was run but no mention of police involvement. Finds the guy and the guy literally implicates himself for sexual assault, sexual harassment and possible rape 

Not buying it.


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## lisamaree

She doesn't remember anything about the night but manages to remember how big his member was.

Yeah, right.

She totally had sex with him, and all of it was consensual. 

Dump her.


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## OldWolf57

runner.


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## life_huppens

OP is not coming back for two reasons.
1) truth hurts.
2) He has no backbone.


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## happyman64

Let's not chase him away.


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## mikefields183

Still here and been very busy and hoping for,the best. As for the rape kit, the police were involved, report filed, and awaiting the results. These will not be available for six months at the earliest. I love my wife but don't trust here now. Still trying to figure this out. No apology, she is cooperating at best. Hoping but not optimistic.


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## aine

As i read this rather unbelievable story, i Wondeed if it migh be true. Did the guy slip her a roofie hence the not knowing what happened? I am sorry this happened. Everyone has been quick to judge your wife. If in fact she had been slipped a roofie, isn't this possible. Of course she put her self in a compromising position but that would not in any way justify what happened to her.


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## terrence4159

Ohh he didn't slip her crap, she picked him up at the bar went back to his place had nasty porn star sex and then lied like heck to her husband.

Now she's committed to the lie and hoping it all goes away. Just like that lady in Texas that was cheating in her husband he caught her in the middle of the night in their camper she yelled rape husband shot her lover......she's in jail for a long long time divorced and husband is Scott free.


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## Cara

I recommend you file for D today, if you haven't already.


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## tripad

Graywolf2 said:


> *This is for general information about herpes.
> *
> 1.	Some people never have symptoms when exposed to herpes (not even the first time) while others have a severe primary reaction.
> 
> 2.	It takes up to six months to develop antibodies and the antibodies are what is tested for.
> 
> My wife is a gynecologist. She had a patient who started dating a man whose wife had cheated on him. He got a divorce; never had any symptoms and all his initial STD tests were negative.
> 
> *The problem was he wasn’t tested again at six months.* They had sex and my wife’s patient had a severe primary herpes outbreak. She could hardly walk.


good god .

when i find a man next , I better get him check and then again after 6 months before i think about sex .


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## MattMatt

mikefields183 said:


> Still here and been very busy and hoping for,the best. As for the rape kit, the police were involved, report filed, and awaiting the results. These will not be available for six months at the earliest. I love my wife but don't trust here now. Still trying to figure this out. No apology, she is cooperating at best. Hoping but not optimistic.


Stay strong for you and the children. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fitnessfan

I think everyone has been too quick to judge your wife. It is entirely possible that she was sexually assaulted. I hear no history of cheating...am I wrong? Things don't add up, this is true but perhaps this is because things are sketchy in her mind. It's possible, yes, she is just a cheater, but I don't think we have enough details to being crucifying this woman who quite possibly has been assaulted. Why should she apologize for being sexually assaulted? More details needed...too harsh opinions at this juncture.


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## ReformedHubby

It is somewhat plausible. I have been roofied before. Like the OPs wife I woke up covered in my own vomit and in a different city too. Also, I did not feel like myself at all that morning. Very groggy and out of sorts. Not at all hard to believe that her head wouldn't be on straight the next morning. However, being blackout drunk looks the same from what the police I reported it to told me. OP made no mention about his wife being a heavy drinker though.


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## MattMatt

ReformedHubby said:


> It is somewhat plausible. I have been roofied before. Like the OPs wife I woke up covered in my own vomit and in a different city too. Also, I did not feel like myself at all that morning. Very groggy and out of sorts. Not at all hard to believe that her head wouldn't be on straight the next morning. However, being blackout drunk looks the same from what the police I reported it to told me. OP made no mention about his wife being a heavy drinker though.


A good friend of mine at the time (I met her and her then husband at college, years ago) was a psychologist who had written her dissertation on date rape drugs.

I told her what happened with my OW, she asked me how much alcohol I'd consumed (it was a hell of a lot in four or five different bars and pubs) how I had felt and reacted and she concluded that, based on her expertise in the field, that my OW had slipped a little something in at least one of my drinks. Even though she knew I had a minor heart condition.


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## Hardtohandle

Police are not going to wait 6 months for the results of rape kit.. 

Oh you got raped yesterday ? 
Okay.. NP Detectives are gonna wait 6 months for the results of the test.. 
Plus in the mean time he will rape some more women this way.. It will make our case that much stronger.. *NOT*

As my own expert in the field as a Detective in the largest police department in the country. 

This is NOT going to happen.. 

Your wife should have been interviewed and so would this man.. They would be looking to get DNA evidence off his sheets and cloths from that night.. 

They would not be waiting MONTHS to take action.. The liability alone of letting this man run around is astronomical.. Image if this is true and a woman dies at his hands.. Think of the law suits alone.. Imagine how many people in the police department would get fired and sued.. 

If this is at all true.. The OP is burying his head in the sand here.. 

This woman not only had an affair, but is now going to crush this guy just to save her fvcking marriage and make herself *"pure and holy"* again in her husband's eyes..

The sad part is the OP is just going along for the ride and letting this all happen.. Which is even worse..


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## Be smart

Wait a minute here,your wife didnt even apologize to you WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU !!!

She goes out,picks her date,young stud with big dic.k (she can remember that) and have sex with him. He destroyed her like never before.

Then she comes home like evrything is ok.

I am young guy and I hate this "modern" marriage with swingers,threesomes,cuckolds.
If you love your wife or husband there is no way for you to share her/him,well that is silly me.

Good luck to you friend and enjoy your life with your wife,maybe next time she will let you to watch her.


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## aine

I am sorry but something seems off with OP's story. No previous drinking, affairs, etc then suddenly after a fight the W goes off to a bar to cool down and ends up the apartment of a man half her age, most of which she cannot remember. Something is not right at all, there is much more to this story than we are being told.


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## dental

aine said:


> I am sorry but something seems off with OP's story. No previous drinking, affairs, etc then suddenly after a fight the W goes off to a bar to cool down and ends up the apartment of a man half her age, most of which she cannot remember. Something is not right at all, there is much more to this story than we are being told.


Same thoughts here. OP doesn't present a plausible story. The emotions are not congruent with the situation he is in. Puking, bi's, handy's out of the blue, and his (lack of) reactions to all these thing that supposedly have shaken up his nice stable life. Not one of these things nor her (supposed) behaviour after the facts seemed to have shaken his undying love for this elegant woman. Dodgy.


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## arbitrator

ThePheonix said:


> Yep. this ain't her first rodeo. She didn't * go to cool off at a bar. *Something else is going on with this girl.



*... to be fastly followed up by "warming up" in some young buck's bed!

It is all too apparent that this wasn't exactly her first trip to that "rodeo," if you know what I mean!

Which greatly speaks to the fact that there's lots of things that she ain't telling you about!

This whole expose' smells like a dead mackerel!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral

My understanding is that rape kit testing delays are common. Here's one example that came up when googled.......Rape Kit Testing Backlog Delays Justice


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## happyman64

give mikefields the support he needs and stop bashing him.

He said he no longer trusts his wife. He has a good reason not to.

We had a poster on here or Si a few years ago whose wife woke up with the OM and told her husband she slept with him out of guilt but she really could not remember the details.

The poster was an attorney I believe.

He was pissed. Ready to proceed with divorce. His new wife was very distraught.

Well the poster calmed down while moved out in a temporary hotel.

He used his legal connections to do a search on the OM. He had been accused by multiple woman of date rape.

The poster went to the cops. A sting was setup through the OM's employer since a few female employees were sexually assaulted as well.

The ends result the OM was arrested.

As fantastic as this story sounds it was true.

Lets encourage mike to get to the bottom of his wifes story before we roll the gallows out.

He deserves that. And no matter how this ends up his wife deserves a kick in the ass for being in the bar in the first place.

HM


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## Hardtohandle

Chaparral said:


> My understanding is that rape kit testing delays are common. Here's one example that came up when googled.......Rape Kit Testing Backlog Delays Justice


Chap, trust me there is more to an investigation then just a rape kit.. A case is not just made on a rape kit alone.. I mean think about it.. Anyone woman you fvck that you just didn't realize was crazy can drop an accusation and based on a rape kit alone you would be fvcked.. 

When they have a known suspect, this stuff gets pushed ahead.. Its the I was at a bar and woke up in a hotel room the next day with no suspect that gets put on the back burner.. 

Think M.A.S.H. unit when it comes to analyzing evidence..

They know who this person is.. They would interview him.. They would interview the wife.. The would at least look to get the sheets from his location for further DNA evidence.. 

I have dealt with fake and real rape cases first hand.. I've been part of MANY high profile cases including etan patz.. If you do a Google search for the N.J. search warrant at the suspects house.. I'm the fat guy carrying the computers.. That was me at 315 LBS.. 

So I am starting to have issues with this story a bit ATM..


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## lordmayhem

Hardtohandle said:


> So I am starting to have issues with this story a bit ATM..


I agree. I've refrained from commenting in this thread because my spidey sense are tingling.

I know the other year, I received a subpoena for a suppression hearing on a rape case. I never even seen the suspect nor spoke to the victim and my only involvement in the case was that I was the officer who transported the rape kit from nurse at the hospital to the evidence room.


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## dogman

Hardtohandle said:


> Police are not going to wait 6 months for the results of rape kit..
> 
> Oh you got raped yesterday ?
> Okay.. NP Detectives are gonna wait 6 months for the results of the test..
> Plus in the mean time he will rape some more women this way.. It will make our case that much stronger.. *NOT*
> 
> As my own expert in the field as a Detective in the largest police department in the country.
> 
> This is NOT going to happen..
> 
> Your wife should have been interviewed and so would this man.. They would be looking to get DNA evidence off his sheets and cloths from that night..
> 
> They would not be waiting MONTHS to take action.. The liability alone of letting this man run around is astronomical.. Image if this is true and a woman dies at his hands.. Think of the law suits alone.. Imagine how many people in the police department would get fired and sued..
> 
> If this is at all true.. The OP is burying his head in the sand here..
> 
> This woman not only had an affair, but is now going to crush this guy just to save her fvcking marriage and make herself *"pure and holy"* again in her husband's eyes..
> 
> The sad part is the OP is just going along for the ride and letting this all happen.. Which is even worse..



My parents went through a similar story. My mother lied to save herself.
Check out my thread "my Fathers secret"...fear will make many people lie. 
Sorry I don't know how to attach a link.


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## Truthseeker1

dogman said:


> My parents went through a similar story. My mother lied to save herself.
> Check out my thread "my Fathers secret"...fear will make many people lie.
> Sorry I don't know how to attach a link.


Wow just wow...that has to be one of the saddest stories I've read on TAM....

Here is the thread

My fathers secret

BTW your dad was a man's man....I wish I had that strength...


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## WorkingOnMe

Truthseeker1 said:


> Wow just wow...that has to be one of the saddest stories I've read on TAM....
> 
> Here is the thread
> 
> My fathers secret
> 
> BTW your dad was a man's man....I wish I had that strength...


Ever watch the video of the Brad Paisley and Allison Krause sound Whiskey Lullaby? This story reminds me of that.


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## Truthseeker1

WorkingOnMe said:


> Ever watch the video of the Brad Paisley and Allison Krause sound Whiskey Lullaby? This story reminds me of that.


Dogman's thread should also be a wake up call to cheaters as to what they have done to their children...


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## Voltaire2013

Truthseeker1 said:


> Dogman's thread should also be a wake up call to cheaters as to what they have done to their children...


I think you're all too harsh on the OP, I've seen this happen time & time again on Literotica, another marriage website, sometimes in swingers clubs or adult bookstores. The wife gets drugged, and the next thing you know there is the largest throbbing turgid member you have seen violating her. Yet she does not say no. She says things you have never heard her say. It's like she's been possessed, like an out of body experience.

I feel for him, I really do, but I need more details, it'll come back to her in time, perhaps he had a friend there too? 

Also, nothing to do with the current issue, but I out of Puffs aloe tissues and may be gone for 20 or so minutes.


Cheers,
V(13)


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## Truthseeker1

Voltaire2013 said:


> I think you're all too harsh on the OP, I've seen this happen time & time again on Literotica, another marriage website, sometimes in swingers clubs or adult bookstores. The wife gets drugged, and the next thing you know there is the largest throbbing turgid member you have seen violating her. Yet she does not say no. She says things you have never heard her say. It's like she's been possessed, like an out of body experience.
> 
> I feel for him, I really do, but I need more details, it'll come back to her in time, perhaps he had a friend there too?
> 
> Also, nothing to do with the current issue, but I out of Puffs aloe tissues and may be gone for 20 or so minutes.
> 
> 
> Cheers,
> V(13)


my post had nothing to do with the OP but infidelity in general..perhaps it was an unintentional threadjack but was not intended as a comment on the OP's siutation


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## Nucking Futs

Truthseeker1 said:


> my post had nothing to do with the OP but infidelity in general..perhaps it was an unintentional threadjack but was not intended as a comment on the OP's siutation


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## mikefields183

Well have,been,in therapy and group counseling and it has been great for me. But have a issue with wife and her male friends that is coming up. This is a guy she worked with andh as known for years. I do know they have gotten drinks after work before. But they haven't worked together for five years now and he calls out of,the blue and wants to meet. I said no,to,it but she is going,anyway. About,to call. It done I think.


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## naiveonedave

mikefields183 said:


> . I said no,to,it but she is going,anyway. About,to call. It done I think.


I think that is all the proof you need about any attempt for R.... Easiest boundary in the world and she is not willing to abide.


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## GusPolinski

mikefields183 said:


> Well have,been,in therapy and group counseling and it has been great for me. But have a issue with wife and her male friends that is coming up. This is a guy she worked with andh as known for years. I do know they have gotten drinks after work before. But they haven't worked together for five years now and he calls out of,the blue and wants to meet. I said no,to,it but she is going,anyway. About,to call. It done I think.


This is simple. You've clearly stated your concerns have set reasonable boundaries. If she's unwilling to abide by said boundaries, your only reasonable option is to file for divorce.


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## Clay2013

You can't force her to reinvest into the marriage. She is the one that messed up and your the one trying to clean up the mess. You need to stop thinking that way. That is her job. I would just tell her she can go do what ever she wants but her choices have consequences. If she wants to go to meet up with other men for any reason then she probably should get ahold of a attorney and prepare for her divorce. The more you talk the less she will see you mean what you say. 

Get a lawyer if you don't already have one and put the papers in front of her. Show her your serious. 

If she doesn't want to work on things then just file and move on with your life. You can't force people to want to be with you. 

C


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## happy as a clam

Your wife is behaving like a first-class ho.

If she was blackout drunk as she claims, how would she possibly remember specific details about his genitalia? And I doubt that was vomit on her shirt -- more likely it was semen from him and she went to her girlfriend's house to wash her shirt so you wouldn't see the "evidence".

Not buying her story. She left the bar with him intentionally and it sounds like she's getting ready to do the same thing were her male friend who is coming for a visit.


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## bigfoot

mikefields183 said:


> ...She woke up covered in vomit in his bath tub. Contacting the guy he claims* he tried to get oral from her and have sex* but she got,sick all over the place. When she tried to leave the next morning he *made her stay* and clean up the mess. He also made advances and *made her fondle* for a ride back,to,her vehicle. On the way home she *stopped at a friends house to change shirts to not be covered in vomit *when seeing the kids. She told what had happened that she can remember that .night. Assisted,me in finding the guy and contacting those involved. We had a doctors exam at the hospital and are awaiting the results now. This will be a six month wait. .


Sorry, but this story has too many holes in it for me to be silent. (1) She pukes all over her shirt only and slept in a bathtub. She rode with him, still covered in vomit (?) and then to a friends house to only change shirts?! She does not bathe the rest of her body at all for the rest of the day? Tells you the story, you get the guy on the phone and he confesses to sexual assault immediately?!! Still no bath for her? You go to the hospital and they do a rape kit. The cops don't bring this guy in that night?! Come on, please. 

If the police had a confession to false imprisonment (he would not let her leave) and forced sexual contact (hand job in car) and attempted oral/vaginal copulation with an incapacitated woman (tried to have sex but she got sick), they would not be waiting on a rape kit result. Cops wait on rape kit results when (1) the identity of the perp is unknown, (2) the identity of the perp is in question due to the victim being incapacitated (drunk/drugged) but *not* when (1) identity is known, (2) victim is clear on not consenting and (3) when the perp confesses. I've been involved in criminal law for 25 years. This does not add up. Sorry.

Not bringing him in immediately goes against basic principles of police investigative techniques. They would want to confirm her story, prevent him from absconding, prevent him from destroying evidence or concocting a new story. They would want to get a search warrant or have him consent to search to see if they could find (1) date rape drug items, (2) items that corroborate her story about how the scene looked or how she left it. Police work 101.


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## TAMAT

Mike,

If your WW is going to visit this guy make sure you show up, and bring the OMW, your kids and the OM kids with you. If it is so innocent make it a family get together.

This OM from 5 years ago needs to know who you are.

Tamat


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## Be smart

I dont know what are you waiting for,file for Divorce and keep moving forward my friend.

Your wife cheated on yo,lie to you,she has no respect for you and you are OK with that ???
This is maybe not the first time she cheated on you,belive me.



I am out of this,I keep getting angry for you my friend. If you want to vaste your life then go.

By


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