# Survey: Affairs in the Workplace



## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

Hi -- There seem to be quite a number of new posts involving work place affairs, whether EA or PA.

I thought it might be helpful for folk new (or old) to this forum who have experienced the damage caused by a workplace affair to post here....even if it's just a "my WS had an affair with co-worker" so that others who come here looking for help or advice or similar threads to read can reference other's experiences. A repository for those seeking help and relatible material.

So I'll start:

My husband had an EA with a co-worker (subordinate) that was on the verge of a PA. Caught in the nick of time. DD #1 Feb 25. DD #2 Feb 29th. True NC starts 11/29.

Next >>


----------



## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

My husband had a PA with a coworker, moved out for 17 mos, the OW left the job so he wanted to R, he came home for 6 mos and left again (same woman...different jobs didnt stop them). Lived with OW for 4 mos, wanted R again...home for 6 mos..guess what......OW appeared again she I put him out. This time he was gone for 3 mos and then swore he was done and wanted to be a good husband. That was 3 yrs ago we have been in R since but everyday I wonder when Im going to end up with egg on my face again!


----------



## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

MY STBXW had/having A (EA definitely. PA?) with a coworker 6 months after marriage (6 year long relationship for us before that). She says she is going to marry him, start a new life with him, and he will give her everything she deserves. I wish them all the happiness of this world and beyond.


----------



## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

Funny, you really want to do this? All stats show that about 46% of WW have work related affairs and 62% of WH decide to pee in their work water ("Not Just Friends"). I bet it is even more.

Yes my whatever had an EA and PA with a working cochofle colleage. I have no idea how long was the EA since they were "friends" before and the PA he says was about 3 to 4 months (who knows). She left her H for him. Lucky me!


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

My H had an almost year long EA with a coworker. She stroked the hell out of his ego and he lapped it up like a puppy. He'd stay late at work b/c he'd spent so much time talking to her during the day that he wasnt to a stopping point when it was quitting time. send between 40 and 50 emails a day and several in person conversations. They sat 10 ft from each other. When he wasnt emailing her he was talking to her either on the phone or in person. he volunteered for every project she was on just to be near her. vomit. She could do no wrong and I could do no right. He met her in February of 2011, I didnt know anything about her until like July-despite his working VERY closely everyday with her all day long. He kept her name from me and her very existance a secret until he just suddenly couldnt stop talking about this woman at work. ALL the time. Her name over and over... In July he decided he was 'in love' with her.vomit again. But I still didnt know b/c we had a very sick child and I was paying all of my attention there.


Took until late fall 2011 for me to wise the hell up. Started asking questions based on his behavior and attitude at home. "anything I need to know" kind of thing. "No." was always the response. after a bit I got into his work email and there was the motherload! As well as his phone. He finally, after alot of war cut it off. It was Late Feb by the time the big bang came. I call it dweek. It was ugly. Ugly. Ugly.

Took til May 2012 to get NC bc he worked with her still. In may he quit so NC could be established. It took several more mos. for the 'fog' to wear off and for him to start seeing the damage. 

Not a good time. Beware of those "work spouses".


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Grey Goose said:


> Funny, you really want to do this? All stats show that about 46% of WW have work related affairs and 62% of WH decide to pee in their work water ("Not Just Friends"). I bet it is even more.
> 
> Yes my whatever had an EA and PA with a working cochofle colleage. I have no idea how long was the EA since they were "friends" before and the PA he says was about 3 to 4 months (who knows). She left her H for him. Lucky me!


This is funny. I have said to him "everyone knows not to piss where you eat"....too funny that you said that. It cost him a great job he'd worked hard to get where he was and blew it on nothing.


----------



## RaisedGarden (Oct 24, 2012)

WW had a EA probable PA with a subordinate at work for the last 6 months(still hasn't broken it off). In the process I discovered that she had a long term, long distance relationship with someone she met in med school. Also she had a PA with a coworker when she started her residency. We broke off our relationship for a year and half because of that one. So yeah you can say that my WW treats work like Match.com.


----------



## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> This is funny. I have said to him "everyone knows not to piss where you eat"....too funny that you said that. It cost him a great job he'd worked hard to get where he was and blew it on nothing.


Let me list the things it cost him:
1. His job for more than 15 years
2. The respect of a lot of people in his job and his industry that knew him and thought he was a saint (for some reason the rumor just spread like a virus)
3. A promotion he was looking for which went to her the cochofle
4. His home, wife, best friend (we know each other since we were teenagers), the respect of my family/my dad who knows him since he was a kid and sponsored him and his brothers as athletes when he was younger, his sanity 
5. He became a person that only dumba**es could stand
6. His only son would not want to be with him
7. His reputation and dignity and so much more I can not even start!


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Grey Goose said:


> Let me list the things it cost him:
> 1. His job for more than 15 years
> 2. The respect of a lot of people in his job and his industry that knew him and thought he was a saint (for some reason the rumor just spread like a virus)
> 3. A promotion he was looking for which went to her the cochofle
> ...


Yep all that and tens of thousands of dollars. All that and he didnt even get laid(my h) dummy.


----------



## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> Yep all that and tens of thousands of dollars. All that and he didnt even get laid(my h) dummy.


Lucky you, my whatever laid with the dog. She looks like a Pekinese, or however you say that! She is completely the opposite of me, starting with morals of course! God I just pucked in my mouth. 

CTU you have got to stop cracking me up today!


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The work place was a no no for my fWW "don't sh1t were you eat" her words not mine.

Her thinking is #1 the reputation she would get, in fact she heard enough around the job that she new how big the gosip mill around there. #2 the posibility of sleeping with a guy the one of many bosses were already slept with or had there eye on and getting canned for some lame reason.

She did however start up a toxic friendship that took her down a dark path, but the person was a theif and got canned.

I believe my fWW thought of her work as part of her 1st life with husband, kids and family.

So I never had to make my fWW leave her job so that was good. I found it very interesting how my fWW had a SOP/MO in her adultorus life style when I confronted her and we spend the early days going over her second life.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

RaisedGarden said:


> WW had a EA probable PA with a subordinate at work for the last 6 months(still hasn't broken it off). In the process I discovered that she had a long term, long distance relationship with someone she met in med school. Also she had a PA with a coworker when she started her residency. We broke off our relationship for a year and half because of that one. So yeah you can say that my WW treats work like Match.com.


Yep. He has a new job now and we've discussed that work is not a dating service. Go there, get your job done, collect your check and get your ass home.


----------



## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

Just a little depressed after reading how many new posts yesterday involve workplace affairs. Grey Goose -- when you posted "do you really want to do this?" regarding setting up a survey and workplace affairs -- I thought "yeah". But then yesterday got me down, because you're right. This place is riddled with it. Kind of depressing actually.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

thesunwillcomeout said:


> Just a little depressed after reading how many new posts yesterday involve workplace affairs. Grey Goose -- when you posted "do you really want to do this?" regarding setting up a survey and workplace affairs -- I thought "yeah". But then yesterday got me down, because you're right. This place is riddled with it. Kind of depressing actually.


Yep but it makes 'sense'. afterall they spend more time with them than they do with us really. My H spent 10hrs a day 5 days a week 10 ft from her. thats way more time than I was getting. IF they dont keep the boundaries firmly in place, its a disaster waiting to happen.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Don't you all feel defenseless against the workplace affair? I sure do...I mean, it's not like we can sit there with our SOs 24/7, is it? If it's going to happen, it's going to happen.


----------



## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

TSWC don't get down, I knew this would be hard and that is why I included the stats. At my whatever's ex work place it was so common that they posted an article about STDs in their internal newsletter. Pretty disgusting and she had a few other conquers, urgh asco cochofle de mierda!

CTU you are right, but how come I have more than 10 years working and still would never even consider it, while I have been married and single as well. I guess I could not even think of what I would have to deal with if the relationship would not work when I was single and I have never thought of an affair. Just like dating a neighbor, you would have to see them constantly afterwards.

I do not know, I guess I just know in my heart relationships are hard, so I try to avoid anything that would complicate them, including handling one too many guys at the same time!


----------



## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Don't you all feel defenseless against the workplace affair? I sure do...I mean, it's not like we can sit there with our SOs 24/7, is it? If it's going to happen, it's going to happen.


Do not feel defenseless, it is out of your control so try to just let it be. Be on the look out and if you are in R and see something call it out and kick them out! :smthumbup:


----------



## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Don't you all feel defenseless against the workplace affair? I sure do...I mean, it's not like we can sit there with our SOs 24/7, is it? If it's going to happen, it's going to happen.


You should've seen his face early on when the junk hit the fan and I said -- "you know, I need to go back to work, I think I'll go to your "workplace" and apply for a job. That way we can have lunch together and I'll be - right - there." He was still in the fog. He was scared sh-tless.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Grey Goose said:


> TSWC don't get down, I knew this would be hard and that is why I included the stats. At my whatever's ex work place it was so common that they posted an article about STDs in their internal newsletter. Pretty disgusting and she had a few other conquers, urgh asco cochofle de mierda!
> 
> CTU you are right, *but how come I have more than 10 years working and still would never even consider it, while I have been married and single as well*. I guess I could not even think of what I would have to deal with if the relationship would not work when I was single and I have never thought of an affair. Just like dating a neighbor, you would have to see them constantly afterwards.
> 
> I do not know, I guess I just know in my heart relationships are hard, so I try to avoid anything that would complicate them, including handling one too many guys at the same time!


the answer is simple- boundaries.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Speaking of workplace affairs, here comes my coworker's 'office boyfriend'....make me puke.


----------



## AwwSnail (Jul 22, 2012)

my exH had an EA with his supervisor (at the time) I have no idea when it turned into a PA, after we divorced, they married and have been together since. Its been 6 years nearly 7. 

He had been unemployed up until this past summer (never received a dime of CS until now) If history repeats itself...time will only tell.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

thesunwillcomeout said:


> You should've seen his face early on when the junk hit the fan and I said -- "you know, I need to go back to work, I think I'll go to your "workplace" and apply for a job. That way we can have lunch together and I'll be - right - there." He was still in the fog. He was scared sh-tless.


sounds like my H when I told him "hey I spoke to J-HO today..." OH my the look on his face....


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Don't you all feel defenseless against the workplace affair? I sure do...I mean, it's not like we can sit there with our SOs 24/7, is it? If it's going to happen, it's going to happen.


Especially when I hear some of the stories of these *women* saying things like "I like the married ones- bigger challenge"

Holy slvtville Batman!


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Grey Goose said:


> Do not feel defenseless, it is out of your control so try to just let it be. Be on the look out and if you are in R and see something call it out and kick them out! :smthumbup:


True...and really, I'm not defenseless, am I? I'm 42 and experienced in life. I'd have no qualms at all about exposing a workplace affair, and should my husband lose his job because of it, his ex-wife and kids will suffer the most (financially). I have my own money, I own a separate residence, and I don't need him to continue living my life. So thanks, GG, for pointing out that I'm really NOT defenseless.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> True...and really, I'm not defenseless, am I? I'm 42 and experienced in life. I'd have no qualms at all about exposing a workplace affair, and should my husband lose his job because of it, his ex-wife and kids will suffer the most (financially). I have my own money, I own a separate residence, and I don't need him to continue living my life. So thanks, GG, for pointing out that I'm really NOT defenseless.


I think what I took that to mean was that it may take a long time to realize and she's right there in his face every day. so its not like he can seperate himself from the beast. Thats how I took it not so much that youre(or I ) am a spineless wimp who cant live w/o them. More like theres no armor to protect from the predator at work who has full daily access to our H's.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> Especially when I hear some of the stories of these *women* saying things like "I like the married ones- bigger challenge"
> 
> Holy ****ville Batman!


These are pretty much the ones I worry about...I know exactly what those little wh0res are like.


----------



## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> These are pretty much the ones I worry about...I know exactly what those little wh0res are like.


Yeap and to be frank there is nothing you can do. If it happens it is out of your control. Only thing you control is what you do after you learn about it, it took me a lot of time to learn this.


----------



## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Speaking of workplace affairs, here comes my coworker's 'office boyfriend'....make me puke.


me too. (%-*******)


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> Especially when I hear some of the stories of these *women* saying things like "I like the married ones- bigger challenge"
> 
> Holy slvtville Batman!


My wife had a EA years ago and we survived (married 10 years at the time).

But I can relate to what is said here. Shortly after marriage it was like I had a sign around my neck saying "Hit on me". Women I had worked with for years were suddenly flirting with me all the time. I even had several "not so vague" propositions to met after work that left nothing to the imagination as to what they wanted.

I never did anything, but I do remember being shocked when all this happened and the only difference was that I got married.


----------



## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> My wife had a EA years ago and we survived (married 10 years at the time).
> 
> But I can relate to what is said here. Shortly after marriage it was like I had a sign around my neck saying "Hit on me". Women I had worked with for years were suddenly flirting with me all the time. I even had several "not so vague" propositions to met after work that left nothing to the imagination as to what they wanted.
> 
> I never did anything, but I do remember being shocked when all this happened and the only difference was that I got married.


and those my friend, are the headjobs


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

TDSC60 said:


> My wife had a EA years ago and we survived (married 10 years at the time).
> 
> But I can relate to what is said here. Shortly after marriage it was like I had a sign around my neck saying "Hit on me". Women I had worked with for years were suddenly flirting with me all the time. I even had several "not so vague" propositions to met after work that left nothing to the imagination as to what they wanted.
> 
> I never did anything, but I do remember being shocked when all this happened and the only difference was that I got married.


Hearing stuff like this makes me want to be a fly on the wall in my husband's office. He tells me it's not like that at all where he works, whereas where I work, that's exactly what it's like...

There are so many affairs (PA/EA) going on it's a frigging wonnder there's any time left for these people to actually get any work done. The men are all on the make, as far as I can see, and most of the women are no better.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> This is funny. I have said to him "everyone knows not to piss where you eat"....too funny that you said that. It cost him a great job he'd worked hard to get where he was and blew it on nothing.


I had a top job that I walked away from. The problem with all of this is that most often it is not a conscious intent. It is about bonding with a close "friend" in an intense environment. Few folks go into an EA intending to have an EA unless they are a predator.

Most people do not know they are in an EA until a spouse calls them on it and they go through withdrawal. Unless you have been involved in one it is I guess hard to understand the "choices" one makes. But to be clear they are under the influence of strong brain chemicals and their thought process is severely impaired.

IF someone can decide to not get involved at work and do this elsewhere then there is no naivete about it. They are a "cheater". They intend to cheat.

This is why I get into arguments with BSs that are afraid to engage and be firm. They want to be "fair" and to "trust". They just don't get it. Understandably so because their spouse is acting like a diffrent person. The affair IS indeed on the WS. However, IF a couple watches out for each other they can eliminate many of these EAs by engaging early. Engaging early may vene mean saving the job. However, typically the job has to go.

YMMV.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Don't you all feel defenseless against the workplace affair? I sure do...I mean, it's not like we can sit there with our SOs 24/7, is it? If it's going to happen, it's going to happen.


My wife's frustration was that I was working crazy hours and that because I worked in classified areas she did not have access to stop by. She could not get access to where I worked. That said, she enagged with me and got through it.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I had a top job that I walked away from. The problem with all of this is that most often it is not a conscious intent. It is about bonding with a close "friend" in an intense environment. Few folks go into an EA intending to have an EA unless they are a predator.
> 
> Most people do not know they are in an EA until a spouse calls them on it and they go through withdrawal. Unless you have been involved in one it is I guess hard to understand the "choices" one makes. But to be clear they are under the influence of strong brain chemicals and their thought process is severely impaired.
> 
> ...


Yep. I agree. Initially I didnt understand why he was so different. I truly didnt recognize this person I was married to. I could read his correspondance with HER and be like "WHO is this?" It was surreal. 

Its why now when I see BS' trying to 'nice' their ws out it puts me into overdrive trying to get thru to them. IT WONT WORK. 

So yes, the job had to go. He has a new one now and we've worked alot on boundaries. Here's to hoping for the best.

Now for my ignorance to show- what is YMMV?


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> I had a top job that I walked away from. The problem with all of this is that most often it is not a conscious intent. It is about bonding with a close "friend" in an intense environment. Few folks go into an EA intending to have an EA unless they are a predator.
> 
> Most people do not know they are in an EA until a spouse calls them on it and they go through withdrawal. Unless you have been involved in one it is I guess hard to understand the "choices" one makes. But to be clear they are under the influence of strong brain chemicals and their thought process is severely impaired.
> 
> ...


This reminds me of something else...when the person getting tangled up in the EA (or potential EA in our case) is afraid of 'being rude' to the AP...usually the AP is 'just a friend' however....! 

I'm  today! I keep using this 'frownie'!


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> Yep. I agree. Initially I didnt understand why he was so different. I truly didnt recognize this person I was married to. I could read his correspondance with HER and be like "WHO is this?" It was surreal.
> 
> Its why now when I see BS' trying to 'nice' their ws out it puts me into overdrive trying to get thru to them. IT WONT WORK.
> 
> ...


Good! Now he also knows that if it happens again, THAT job will have to go, and all! Might make him think twice.

Do you think it's wrong for them (BS) to be afraid of consequences?


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> This reminds me of something else...when the person getting tangled up in the EA (or potential EA in our case) is afraid of 'being rude' to the AP...usually the AP is 'just a friend' however....!
> 
> I'm  today! I keep using this 'frownie'!


yep. I once asked him about why he did something and his answer was because "I didnt want to hurt HER feelings" nevermind the fact that I was on my knees in the bedroom floor at this point. He said that with a straight face and not a concern in his head for me. That was way early on, right after dweek.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Good! Now he also knows that if it happens again, THAT job will have to go, and all! Might make him think twice.
> 
> Do you think it's wrong for them (BS) to be afraid of consequences?


NOPE! IF it happens again- he can keep the JOB bc the wife is GONE. He knows this is not a threat but a promise. I will not stand for this again. Once is forgiveable, twice is damnable.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I asked because many would say that if fear is the only thing keeping your mate from cheating, why would you want them anyway....? But I don't believe that. I believe that some people NEED to know the consequences. It's not living under threat. It's a promise!


----------



## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> I asked because many would say that if fear is the only thing keeping your mate from cheating, why would you want them anyway....? But I don't believe that. I believe that some people NEED to know the consequences. It's not living under threat. It's a promise!


The truth for me is that it is not the fear that holds them with you but that you have been strong enough to let them know they are not the one and only and they can keep their affairs and w**res if they want to. Once you are out of the shock and the scary feeling, you will find the strength to say and live saying "to hell with them" even if you decide to R.

I have yet to decide the future of my marriage, it will be a year from Dday in December and almost a year of separation and the anger has been here because of the lost, the humilaition and heartache. To me it was more about how can you not remember your son, our life, our dreams and what I have been through with you? Plus, they always end up with someone who has done this already. Is she worth losing everything?


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Grey Goose said:


> The truth for me is that it is not the fear that holds them with you but that you have been strong enough to let them know they are not the one and only and they can keep their affairs and w**res if they want to. Once you are out of the shock and the scary feeling, you will find the strength to say and live saying "to hell with them" even if you decide to R.
> 
> I have yet to decide the future of my marriage, it will be a year from Dday in December and almost a year of separation and the anger has been here because of the lost, the humilaition and heartache. To me it was more about how can you not remember your son, our life, our dreams and what I have been through with you? Plus, they always end up with someone who has done this already. Is she worth losing everything?


the answer is "SHE" is NOT. But the feeling HE got from the A was- at least temporarily. Its not about HER, Its about HIM and his selfishness. IF it were about HER- he'd leave to be with HER. They RARELY do. For example: You are separated, is you H with OW? NO. Bc it wasnt about HER. It was about his own selfishness and greed. The attention she showered HIM with. The ego stroking HE got. SHE could have been anyone most likely. Id bet the farm on that. Men especially tend to 'affair down' bc they are opportunists. Its about the attention, the high not so much about WHO she is but what she can do for HIM. It took me a very long time to get this. THey make HER out to be whoever they want HER to be. Regardless of who she REALLY is. Just like they paint you in a bad light in order to carry out their crap. 

So NO SHE isnt worth losing everything. BUT the high was- or so they thought at the time.


----------



## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> the answer is "SHE" is NOT. But the feeling HE got from the A was- at least temporarily. Its not about HER, Its about HIM and his selfishness. IF it were about HER- he'd leave to be with HER. They RARELY do. For example: You are separated, is you H with OW? NO. Bc it wasnt about HER. It was about his own selfishness and greed. The attention she showered HIM with. The ego stroking HE got. SHE could have been anyone most likely. Id bet the farm on that. Men especially tend to 'affair down' bc they are opportunists. Its about the attention, the high not so much about WHO she is but what she can do for HIM. It took me a very long time to get this. THey make HER out to be whoever they want HER to be. Regardless of who she REALLY is. Just like they paint you in a bad light in order to carry out their crap.
> 
> So NO SHE isnt worth losing everything. BUT the high was- or so they thought at the time.


Than CTU I am having a bad week full of rage that is eating me and you just made me cry, which I needed. 

It's true, he cut it off a week after Dday, it was not that much fun anymore.

Thanks so much!


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Huh! They always affair down is right! The only saving grace I had at the time, was that H's friend, is 15 y older than me, and sorry, but she was butt ugly. Not one pretty thing about the woman.

I am hoping that once she saw my pics (on FB) that she skulked off with her tail between her hairy legs. Not that I'm tooting my own horn, here or anything!:FIREdevil:


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Grey Goose said:


> Than CTU I am having a bad week full of rage that is eating me and you just made me cry, which I needed.
> 
> It's true, he cut it off a week after Dday, it was not that much fun anymore.
> 
> Thanks so much!


So at the risk of Tj'ing can you start a thread so we can talk about YOU?


----------



## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Wow, cheating is much more rampant at your guy's work place than mine. 
Then again, I do work in a grocery store...

Only cheating that happened was a girlfriend cheating on her boyfriend (that happened to be a manager...) 

Do you guys think that cheating is more common place in a white collar environment than a blue collar environment or service industry? Or the same?


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> Do you guys think that cheating is more common place in a white collar environment than a blue collar environment or service industry? Or the same?


I feel like it's more dominant in the white collar environment.People can correct me if I'm off base of course but it seems blue collar workers have far less down time and screw around time than white collar workers have.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> Wow, cheating is much more rampant at your guy's work place than mine.
> Then again, I do work in a grocery store...
> 
> Only cheating that happened was a girlfriend cheating on her boyfriend (that happened to be a manager...)
> ...


I can only speak to my H's place and he is white collar. That company was a regular Peyton Place with the women being worse than the men so far as I can tell. Heavy abuse of email and text. Lots and lots of standing around and flirting everywhere. It was worse than highschool. I was astonished frankly. And we arent talking some mom and pop shop either.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Huh! I work in a multi-colour-collar environment, and cheating here, is rampant. There are high level execs, having their affairs covered up by the company (who also protect the APs by moving them to where no one knows what they've been up to). There are also lowly union workers who arse the dog all day long up here with their girlfriends....they're all protected.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Huh! I work in a multi-colour-collar environment, and cheating here, is rampant. There are high level execs, having their affairs covered up by the company (who also protect the APs by moving them to where no one knows what they've been up to). There are also lowly union workers who arse the dog all day long up here with their girlfriends....they're all protected.


WOW, CG that is some company you work for. Ever thought of getting a new job?


----------



## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Just a couple of weeks ago, using a thumbdrive VAR attached to her keychain, I discovered my wife was engaging in some heavy flirtation with a 20 year old man at the fast food she worked at. Alot of silly talk and giggling and her part, sexual innuendoes about hot dogs, the guy asked if he could massage her, then started asking to go home with her, and she did not object. She just kind of laughed and continued with her work. And this was on the front line in fornt of other employees and even customers. 
Later he followed her back to a sink and asked to go home with her again but it a more pursuasive tone. She laughed again and said, "go away," but she said it in more a playful tone that didn't seem sincere. After that it sounded like there was some physical contact between them like a brush by or touch and she said, "I have to wash my hands."

She went home alone. But I confronted her on this saying a friend of mine who was present as a customer observed and heard this. A huge fight followed, and she quit that job. But it just goes to show how quickly these things can happen. My guess is that she would have given to his requests in the coming weeks because she did not discourage his behaviour, and for an eager young man, that's as good as a 'yes'.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> WOW, CG that is some company you work for. Ever thought of getting a new job?


At this stage in my life? No way. When I leave here, it'll be to retire from the workforce (unless something happens before then). I've jumped around too much already as it is...


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I went for an interview and it turned into a date, followed by another date... but we're both single, so who cares? I don't really give a sh*t about the work. I have other work. It's all project-based, research funded, contract/consulting etc. Personally, I think it's easier to be with someone in the same line of work if it works out that way. In fact, most of the professional married people I know who have good relationships work in the same business or institution, and often collaborate on projects. So having an interview turn into a dating situation is a good thing. Better to establish a personal relationship before any work begins, as he said, vs. ending up ducking into the closet on the work site which would have been the eventuality and just plain out unprofessional and awkward for others.

But married and getting involved in an office affair outside the marriage? No, I don't think I would do that.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Ugh...just had an office couple break up, talk about awkward. I'm against office hookups of any kind. Had one myself that didn't work out (pre-marriage), and I'm still treated to the sight of his smarmy face...yuck.


----------



## Rihanna (Jun 5, 2012)

I met my husband at work. As much as I liked him I didn't open the dating door until he left the company. Also he was too young for me and that gave him time to get a little older. I am nine years older.

His EA was with his supervisor. I don't know the extent of it when he worked with her but after she left they gradually built up to texting and flirting each other via text many times a day. She was dangling a good job at her new company in front of him and that kept him flattering her. He lost control of his view of appropriate and imagined he wasn't doing anything wrong but he did have strong feelings for her. If I hadn't caught it when I did, it could have turned a bad corner. Lucky for me he admitted it early and cut her off. 

It has been six months and I still worry he is flirting with someone new at work but not because he gives me any sign of it. Just feel uncomfortable trusting him again. It will take a lot of time to feel more normal and see he has good boundaries.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I feel like it's more dominant in the white collar environment.People can correct me if I'm off base of course but it seems blue collar workers have far less down time and screw around time than white collar workers have.


White collar workers get to experience the worst of all: travel.

The big killer are conferences and trade shows. Lots of time to kill with people who are away from home. No spouses, and often people kill time in a bar.


----------



## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> White collar workers get to experience the worst of all: travel.
> 
> The big killer are conferences and trade shows. Lots of time to kill with people who are away from home. No spouses, and often people kill time in a bar.


Yup! Mix in booze and clean sheets and you've got danger
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Rihanna said:


> I met my husband at work. As much as I liked him I didn't open the dating door until he left the company. Also he was too young for me and that gave him time to get a little older. I am nine years older.
> 
> His EA was with his supervisor. I don't know the extent of it when he worked with her but after she left they gradually built up to texting and flirting each other via text many times a day. She was dangling a good job at her new company in front of him and that kept him flattering her. He lost control of his view of appropriate and imagined he wasn't doing anything wrong but he did have strong feelings for her. If I hadn't caught it when I did, it could have turned a bad corner. Lucky for me he admitted it early and cut her off.
> 
> It has been *six months *and I still worry he is flirting with someone new at work but not because he gives me any sign of it. Just feel uncomfortable trusting him again. It will take a lot of time to feel more normal and see he has good boundaries.


It'll probably take awhile to get past it...I'm trigger-happy (or is it unhappy???) this week, counting down to Christmas, and I managed to thwart H's could-be-EA...or did I? I'm doubting myself more and more every day - maybe time to get away from this site for a bit...


----------



## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> So at the risk of Tj'ing can you start a thread so we can talk about YOU?


Vacations are coming up so yeah maybe I should do that, it's just I feel more comfortable with you guys than with the whole TAM community learning about my thing.


----------



## Rihanna (Jun 5, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> It'll probably take awhile to get past it...I'm trigger-happy (or is it unhappy???) this week, counting down to Christmas, and I managed to thwart H's could-be-EA...or did I? I'm doubting myself more and more every day - maybe time to get away from this site for a bit...


Sounds like our stories are similar. I am so surprised to find I am not even close to not dwelling on it all the time. F&/$ing triggers!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

My xWF screwed a guy she used to work with while traveling. They had a "connection." Apparently, the had always had a "connection" despite having not been in contact for a few years and my having never met the POS. BTW, his half of the "connection" evaporated the day after she surprised him with the news that our engagement was off.

I can't believe I almost gave this idiot the rest of my life.


----------



## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> Do you guys think that cheating is more common place in a white collar environment than a blue collar environment or service industry? Or the same?


White. Since affirmative action there has been this mentality that if a company doesn't have at least one woman in every department they are going to get sued.

It also strikes me as harder to "multitask" when you are doing something more physical.


----------



## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Lots of time to kill with people who are away from home. No spouses, and often people kill time in a bar.


Yep. I've always wondered why none of the family values types ever say anything about this. These things have destroyed more marriages than any gay rights movement could ever impact.

They are also a colossal waste of money.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Grey Goose said:


> Vacations are coming up so yeah maybe I should do that, it's just I feel more comfortable with you guys than with the whole TAM community learning about my thing.


YOu can tag it onto my "so he hates TAM thread" I dont mind at all if you dont want your own thread.


----------

