# Caught cheating: Was looking for my other thread bu couldn't find it



## mom1.2 (Mar 13, 2014)

I finally got hard evidence of my husband cheating - pictures on the computer. That made him finally confess to having the full-blown out affair. 
He told me everything, well, close to everything...
I have my closure...
Now, I have been planning the exit since I already knew. 
Now he is appologizing and saying that it did not mean anything - was a mistake - and he wants to be with me...
She means nothing, bla, bla, bla...
How did you know that/when you passed the point of no return?


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

When you don't the same cycle to repeat again and again.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

If it even remotely meant nothing, he would have told you most of the truth when it happened. Well, it hasn't ended, but she knows the next lie I am out.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

FWIW, HERE is your other thread.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

What credibility does he still have?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

mom1.2 said:


> How did you know that/when you passed the point of no return?


Well first I assume that you wouldn't be here asking that question if you thought you had already passed that point.

Ask yourself this: If your husband demonstrates sincere remorse; if he accepts all the consequences and "owns" what he's done, if he became loving, caring and faithful for the rest of your marriage; would you consider R? If no, then start the D process.

You can't expect him to be perfect, but that's the bar you should set for him. If he gives you anything less than that; then I would strongly suggest that sooner or later, you will reach that point of no return.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

For me, the whole issue is how it's found out.

IF the WS is overcome with guilt to the point they confess without any prompting etc. from the BS, I think there might be hope.

If the WS denies denies denies, and then is shown the video, then they trickle truth, minimize and lie, I couldn't trust them...EVER. I could and would never trust them again. I would always think they'd still be doing it if they weren't caught, and I'd also think they WERE still doing it, but finding new ways to hide it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> For me, the whole issue is how it's found out.
> 
> IF the WS is overcome with guilt to the point they confess without any prompting etc. from the BS, I think there might be hope.
> 
> If the WS denies denies denies, and then is show the video, then they trickle truth, minimize and lie, I couldn't trust them...EVER. I could and would never trust them again. I would always think they'd still be doing it if they weren't caught, and I'd also think they WERE still doing it, but finding new ways to hide it.


I agree. If I'd stumbled on my wife's affair, I don't know if I could have reconciled.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

*This is a great forum! I had NO idea how many people are going through this...
On August 23 I found out my husband is having an emotional affair and physical I am sure with a young woman at work...
I thought I would die... I did not.
Here we are 7 months later - I still do not know what to do - he is still having the affair with her, she puts her own pictures in his phone, when they go out drinking - EVERY WEEK, a few times a week. He comes home always at 4pm sharp, not a minute before or after 4... Which always puzzled me. 
He used to come with glitter and lipsrick all over his clothes, smelling of bath and body works products, she has taken his house keys before, his phone... Pretty much does whatever she wants...
I have a 2 year old son and am 4 months pregnant. I was a stay at home mom for 2 years and rushed and got a job as soon as I found out about the affair. 
My husband is always lying to me - I have no idea, what is true and what is a lie...
We own the house together... I do want to leave because do not want to allow for the lies to continue.
She calls him from a blocked number a lot, they are together 6 days a week at work and on his only day off she still calls him in am for 40 minutes on the phone - that is the only time he can spend with his son...
Last week she was away on vacation and for a week my husband was his old self - caring, always home, taking care of his son and the house... As soon as she came back - he is gone again...
He is always cancelling our arrangements together to be with her or on her demand.
Constantly switches his schedule...
But when he comes home late at night, early morning he cries and tells me he is suffering, that he loves me and his kids and never wants to leave.
Hearing all that makes me physically sick...
Thoughts?
Is he in love? *


Above is one of your earlier posts.


Now your new post:

*I finally got hard evidence of my husband cheating - pictures on the computer. That made him finally confess to having the full-blown out affair. 
He told me everything, well, close to everything...
I have my closure...
Now, I have been planning the exit since I already knew. 
Now he is appologizing and saying that it did not mean anything - was a mistake - and he wants to be with me...
She means nothing, bla, bla, bla...
How did you know that/when you passed the point of no return? *


He is following the same pattern as before. Begging to stay with you acting like a pathetic fool. Last time he did not end the affair or come clean.


If you are considering staying with him then I would say you have not reached the point of no return.

There is a theory in relationships called inertia. People stay in bad relationships due to the inertia of that relationship. Say you push a large boulder on top of a hill and it starts rolling and you realize that you made a mistake and there is a house with people living in it in the path of the boulder. The boulder is hugh and rolling, how do you stop it or get it onto another path? It can be done but it would take a force equal to or greater then the boulder to stop it, or a force that would be enough to push it onto another path.

Many people stay in a relationship due to inertia. It is easier to stay then leave.


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