# Cant stop myself from getting attracted



## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

Hi, 
I am married to my husband for 6 years. Life is not bed of roses and we dont share very good chemistry. Just staying together in an almost sexless marriage. Recently I met an old acquaintance and met him without telling my husband about it. I have a son and he has a daughter. I just cant stop myself from getting attracted towards him, even though i know all he wants is to get physical with me, We went for a long drive and went little beyond smooch. 
Now this guy wants me to have sex with him or else lets not continue meeting. What do I do? I cant stop seeing him and cant let him go coz he gives me some attention, I deserve which I dont get from my husband.
When I look at my kid, I feel guilty also.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

happynlucky said:


> Hi,
> I am married to my husband for 6 years. Life is not bed of roses and we dont share very good chemistry. Just staying together in an almost sexless marriage. Recently I met an old acquaintance and met him without telling my husband about it. I have a son and he has a daughter. I just cant stop myself from getting attracted towards him, even though i know all he wants is to get physical with me, We went for a long drive and went little beyond smooch.
> Now this guy wants me to have sex with him or else lets not continue meeting. What do I do? I cant stop seeing him and cant let him go coz he gives me some attention, I deserve which I dont get from my husband.
> When I look at my kid, I feel guilty also.


Just so you know, having sex with this guy and hiding it from your husband will be DETRIMENTAL to your marriage. There are some obvious issues in your marriage that need to be taken care of. I wonder if your husband feels that things aren't right with the relationship either?

Turning to receive attention and affection from somone else when you are not getting it from your husband is the easy way of attempting to deal with that problem. This needs to be addressed with your husband.


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

Thanks Brian,, the point is that my husband does not consider it a problem. He thinks that to stay together is good for our son and we are just fulfilling our responsibilities towards our son. 
ALso the guy I am interested in talks to me a lot. AT times I feel there is no harm in being with that guy, atleast I am speaking my heart out and getting cosy. 
He is also very particular and takes precaution that we dont get caught when we r at our respective homes because none of us want to spoil the marriage.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I'll be nice as possible and give the straight facts


Fact 1) You have already cheated on your husband, just because it wasn't full blown sex or even if you hadn't kissed and groped then it was still cheating, emotional cheating (EA)
Fact 2) no marriage is perfect, I have no doubts that yours needed some major improvements as you say but it was in NO way an excuse to cheat. You either fix your marriage or get out before starting any sort of relationship. That said, I'm also sure you have done some rewriting here. In order to cheat (and thereby hurt your husband which is what you're doing) you need to justify it to yourself. I truly question if your marriage is as bad as you say as a result.
Fact 3) Your husband needs to know what you have done to him, he is now operating his marriage without all of the facts and can't make an informed decision. You need to tell him.


My recommendation-

end all contact with OM, no "just friends", no Facebook, no email, no phone, no OM at all. Tell him you never wish to see him again and you need to work on your marriage.

Then tell your husband the truth

all of it

do not trickle truth
do not hold back or lie because you don't wish to hurt him

if he wants to work on the marriage-

1) Remain NC with the OM
2) Be completely transparent, allow him access to all passwords, phone, etc
3) Show true remorse, don't blame him for the affair, do what he needs from you to heal from this. 
4) start spending 10-15 hours a week of alone time


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> Hi,
> I am married to my husband for 6 years. Life is not bed of roses and we dont share very good chemistry. Just staying together in an almost sexless marriage. Recently I met an old acquaintance and met him without telling my husband about it. I have a son and he has a daughter. I just cant stop myself from getting attracted towards him, even though i know all he wants is to get physical with me, We went for a long drive and went little beyond smooch.
> Now this guy wants me to have sex with him or else lets not continue meeting. What do I do? I cant stop seeing him and cant let him go coz he gives me some attention, I deserve which I dont get from my husband.
> When I look at my kid, I feel guilty also.


We all can be attracted to other people,but we don't all jump at the chance to cheat because of it.

You've made your choice and decided your marriage isn't worth the effort.So let your husband go.End the marriage.He deserves at least that much no matter what he has or hasn't done.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

TBT and Almostrecovered have given you the two paths you can possibly take. If you want to save the marriage, follow almostrecovered's advice. If you don't, follow TBT's.

What you can't do, although I'm sure you really really want to, is continue what you are doing, and that is staying married and cheating on your H behind his back. It's unfair to him. You are cake eating. Surely, this is the most painless approach for you, because it is easy. You don't have to suffer any consequences - you just enjoy two men for two totally different reasons. Your H has to be doing something for you for you to stay. Lemme guess, he pays the bills, right? Offers security? See, you are taking what you want from both sources, aka CAKE EATING.

Here's the thing. You can do this for awhile, as I'm sure you will - because I don't sense you have any intention of making this right with your husband. But guess what? Eventually, you will get caught. Promise. And it will be 100 times worse in that situation then if you come out and be honest with your husband.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Yes, you can stop yourself from being attracted to another man. It is called boundaries. If you are not willing to put this energy into your marriage that you are giving to this other man, then you should get divorced.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> He is also very particular and takes precaution that we dont get caught when we r at our respective homes because none of us want to spoil the marriage.


You guys are SO NOBLE! WOW! If only your husband knew how considerate you guys were being!!

Excuse me, while I get my puke bucket.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I knew I shoulda asked for a puke bucket for Xmas
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Gabriel said:


> You guys are SO NOBLE! WOW! If only your husband knew how considerate you guys were being!!
> 
> Excuse me, while I get my puke bucket.


:iagree: It also seems to infer that there's a really a lot more going on than she originally posted.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> Thanks Brian,, the point is that my husband does not consider it a problem. He thinks that to stay together is good for our son and we are just fulfilling our responsibilities towards our son.
> ALso the guy I am interested in talks to me a lot. AT times I feel there is no harm in being with that guy, atleast I am speaking my heart out and getting cosy.
> He is also very particular and takes precaution that we dont get caught when we r at our respective homes because none of us want to spoil the marriage.


Wake up call- you are already having an affair and lying to your husband.

You are officially a cheater.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You're having an affair. End it. You can. Just stop meeting w/ him, stop talking to him, nothing, nada, zilch. 

Tell your husband you want more from the marriage. Resolve that problem first. Don't do him dirty. 

And being attracted to other peope is normal. You are human. Just be wise enough to not act on it. I speak as someone who did act and it was really stupid.


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## marriageinprogress (Jul 7, 2011)

Even though it’s natural to be attracted to other people you can try to not focus on it. The more you day dream about how you are feeling about this person the deeper your feeling are going to become. 

Really, how long are you going to be able to cheat on your husband emotionally or physically before you get caught or the guilt is to much were you can’t live this double life anymore. 

My marriage was/is far from perfect and I tried to talk to my husband about the problems I felt were going on and he didn’t see anything wrong. That was really hard for me, I felt so disconnected and alone. I too turned to someone else that understood me and listened to me. (It’s still hard for me to admit that, or type that. I am still so disgusted with myself) What a stupid decision that I made to jeopardize my family. I was soo selfish!! When in an affair it’s hard to think long term or the consequences of what you are doing because it feels so good to get your needs met at the moment. I will be the first to tell you it’s not worth it. I came to my senses and ended the affair and confessed to my husband (which I said I would NEVER do). I caused him so much hurt and pain. 

What really helped me was going to see an IC. I needed someone who wasn’t going to judge me, who I trusted, educate me, someone who would just listen to me ramble, and someone that was going to encourage/teach me to better my life. 

My opinion is you need to stop talking to this guy and tell him that you need to focus on your family and working on your marriage. My husband and I are still trying to work on our chemistry and it’s really frustrating at times but we will not give up on our marriage and other aspects of our marriage have gotten better. Good Luck!


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

you use the term "can't"... You should have said "won't" or more accurately "I don't want to"...

Since your going to be lying to everyone else, At least you should learn to be honest with yourself.

Someday when your disgusted with yourself, and the things you have done... At least you'll have that to fall back on.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> Hi,
> I am married to my husband for 6 years. Life is not bed of roses and we dont share very good chemistry. Just staying together in an almost sexless marriage. Recently I met an old acquaintance and met him without telling my husband about it. I have a son and he has a daughter. I just cant stop myself from getting attracted towards him, even though i know all he wants is to get physical with me, We went for a long drive and went little beyond smooch.
> Now this guy wants me to have sex with him or else lets not continue meeting. What do I do? I cant stop seeing him and cant let him go coz he gives me some attention, I deserve which I dont get from my husband.
> When I look at my kid, I feel guilty also.


didnt we have a troll emicon? :scratchhead:


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Dump the guilt. It's a useless emotion. What you need to utilize is the "regret" of your feelings as a lesson to stop doing what you are doing with the OM, and get your life back into living happiness.

If your relationship is not filled with unconditional love, it's nothing more than an obligation. Is that the message you want your son to receive?

Your choices are obvious. Seek to get back the unconditional love in your relationship, or end it so that you and your H can start living a happy life individually. As for the OM, you have already seen his opinion of his happiness trumping yours.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> didnt we have a troll emicon? :scratchhead:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> didnt we have a troll emicon? :scratchhead:


Really? I wasn't getting a troll vibe from this one.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Really? I wasn't getting a troll vibe from this one.


Nope, me neither. But got the Post & Toast, One & Done vibe. lol.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


>


ah, thanks pit


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Really? I wasn't getting a troll vibe from this one.


are you kidding me?

coming to a marriage forum and putting all that?
and expecting what?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

last logged on at 2:20, probably a post and run


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Don't become a cheater...don't cross that line. 

This guy must not be all that great if he is willing to guide you to become a adulterer a cheater....has he been involved in affairs before...bet he has. 

Know that you are already an EA cheater, proud?

Do you see a future with him? Do you see yourself making a life with a person who is a demonstrated cheater.

Look it is simple....get out of your marriage, but do so on solid ground, keep your distance from him, file for divoce and then explore possiblities with your OM.

And, don't fool yourself......within a very short time your husband will know...he may not have proof but he will know.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

happynlucky(?) 
If you and your husband are merely living together for the sake of your and his(?) child, you are both wasting your time.
If you want somebody else, get a divorce and find somebody who isn't a cheater like you wish to be.
Two cheaters are just that and in no way material for a good union.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> are you kidding me?
> 
> coming to a marriage forum and putting all that?
> and expecting what?


Expecting advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Expecting advice.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


well, on this one, i will take my chances im right.
i will put up a crisp new $1 bill on it.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Gabriel said:


> You guys are SO NOBLE! WOW! If only your husband knew how considerate you guys were being!!
> 
> Excuse me, while I get my puke bucket.


Well put! So i will just ad this

*I cant stop seeing him and cant let him go coz he gives me some attention, I deserve which I dont get from my husband.
When I look at my kid, I feel guilty also.*

You poor little thing. I really feel for you when you said
*When I look at my kid, I feel guilty also*
It almost broke my heart.. I mean it so difficult
to have sex someone that´s not his father.While
my son sleeps in another room..

My heart goes out for you


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Of course she is not coming back. She got pounced on by you lot and torn apart. All competing to see who can rip into her the most.

If someone comes here it means that at least part of them wants to avoid the affair, they should be given a chance to speak and we should all listen, we might learn something that might help our own marriages.

What exactly have you achieved with your sarcasm?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

johnnycomelately said:


> Of course she is not coming back. She got pounced on by you lot and torn apart. All competing to see who can rip into her the most.
> 
> If someone comes here it means that at least part of them wants to avoid the affair, they should be given a chance to speak and we should all listen, we might learn something that might help our own marriages.
> 
> What exactly have you achieved with your sarcasm?


You need to read her post again. She' ALREADY deep in an affair and it has already gone PA, the OM just hasnt officially banged her yet. While I don't agree with every response here, most are spot on. The WW here need that 2x4 as a wake up call, and not coddled. There have been other WSs who have come here and changed their behavior as result of the opinions given in this forum.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

My point is that we should listen and understand rather than make caustic comments for the benefit of your audience. 

Listening to a WS is an opportunity to learn which is wasted when he or she is chased off by a pack of wolves.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Half the regulars here are reformed WSs. We get plenty of valuable insight from them. The OP is already currently in an affair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

I haven't come across a BS post saying they gained valuable insight from a WS, directly or indicated. There are very few topics regarding the WSs point of view, their pain, their agony, their feelings and half of those topics end up beating down the WSs. I understand that most BSs don't concern themselves with a WSs feelings and pain. Some BSs seem to be here for no other reason than to project their own story onto others, shout at them, yell at them and put them down. I understand there's nothing really wrong with it, every forum has "those" kind of posters, it's a given. There is genuine advice here, good advice but it's not that easy to find. It takes a lot of reading to get to it and venturing a guess, many WSs give up after their first post. One of the first things I "learned" here is that my feelings don't count at all, my pain is nothing but selfishness - basically that I have no right to feel pain and agony. Possible that this is not what anyone meant to say but it came across as such anyway.

There is advice for the WS to understand and help the BS, there's next to nothing on here to help the WS with their own agony. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it but that's the way it seems, at least to me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm a WS, and I've admitted it in a number of threads on here. And yes, often times the threads started by WS's turn into a pack of wolves on a single object of prey. But MOST times that happens, it's because the WS isn't owning up to what they're doing fully. In some cases though,they're not given much guidance before they're torn apart.

In this case... The OP needs to understand and accept the difference between "can't" and "won't", as someone else already posted. You can't necessarily change someone else's behavior, but it's often that you won't change your own behavior. Usually because you feel rewarded by it, or because your other options seem too difficult, painful, or costly.

The OP also needs to understand that just because there's been no penetration, that doesn't mean there's been no affair. Her relationship is derailing her marriage and her husband has no clue why, and no way to combat it until she stops.

Just my $0.02... The same things could be posted in most WS threads, I think. If you are hiding your behavior from your spouse, it's probably an affair. And you have to own your past and present choices and actions.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

There is no excuse to cheat on your husband. Stop blaming him. Cheaters always blame their spouse to justify their wrong actions. 

Tell your husband the truth, that you've had an affair on him. Either fix your marriage or divorce your husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

I just don't see the point in flaming anyone. The comments may well be 'spot on' but that doesn't mean it is a good idea to make them. I would be spot on to say my wife has a big ass, but to say so would not be productive in any way.

The OP got attacked, she left. We now don't have the chance to help her heal her marriage or to understand why she betrayed her husband in the first place. I for one would rather these discussions were productive.

I just think that we shouldn't flame these people. Disapprove, sure, but without the vitriol.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

OP, if your husband isn't interested in fixing and working on the marriage, it might be time for the both of you to move on seperately. Both of you are entitled to happiness but neither of you are going to find it in a loveless marriage or in an affair.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I agree with Johnnycomelately (cool name, btw) that a lot of people come on here & get flamed. She only posted once. 

It reminds me of another thread where someone came on to post asking for help and a poster wrote an entire paragraph about how poor the OP's grammar was bad & to rewrite his post if he wanted advice & blah blah blah, nothing relevant to the thread which was completely comprehensible.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PBear said:


> I'm a WS, and I've admitted it in a number of threads on here. And yes, often times the threads started by WS's turn into a pack of wolves on a single object of prey.


:iagree:


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Really? I wasn't getting a troll vibe from this one.


Me neither, she just obviously has no clue and that's why she's asking. But, she's gone.


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

@Brian:thanks a lot
@TBT: u r right. there is a lot more. we have no chemistry. he(my husband) is so much into his parents that he doesnt love me at all. In India things like this happens.
@marriageinprogress: I know u r right but probably I am not in that state of mind where i stop day dreaming abt the new man. I will try not to contact him. Hope i dnt cross my limits and feel disgusted. I guess I need somebdy to talk to me and share my feelings rather than my body.
@lastbutnottheleast: thanks a ton. Ur post was really valuable
Thanks all....


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> Thanks Brian,, the point is that my husband does not consider it a problem. He thinks that to stay together is good for our son and we are just fulfilling our responsibilities towards our son.
> ALso the guy I am interested in talks to me a lot. AT times I feel there is no harm in being with that guy, atleast I am speaking my heart out and getting cosy.
> He is also very particular and takes precaution that we dont get caught when we r at our respective homes because none of us want to spoil the marriage.


So your husband and you have agreed to an open marriage?


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

India - is this an arrange marriage?


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

Jonesey said:


> Well put! So i will just ad this
> 
> *I cant stop seeing him and cant let him go coz he gives me some attention, I deserve which I dont get from my husband.
> When I look at my kid, I feel guilty also.*
> ...


I havent done "sex" yet. just went out on a date n kissed him and stopped him frm anythign more than that.


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

FourtyPlus said:


> India - is this an arrange marriage?


Yes.arranged one  sparkless


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> So your husband and you have agreed to an open marriage?


Open - as in we decided to stay together so that we can take care of our son properly. There is no emotional stress on our son.
Otherwise we r not open to infidelity


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Nope, me neither. But got the Post & Toast, One & Done vibe. lol.


Its not one and done vide coz Time in my country is different that yours. I read all msgs thoroughly. I am not here to vent out my frustration.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well if that is the case, you don't have an OPEN marriage if you are hiding when you go out with this guy...your own words:

_Recently I met an old acquaintance and met him *without telling my husband about it*._ 

Here's the rub:

_I have a son and he has a daughter. I just cant stop myself from getting attracted towards him*, even though i know all he wants is to get physical with me*, We went for a long drive and went little beyond smooch. _

*Now this guy wants me to have sex with him or else lets not continue meeting. *

Dude has told you straight up: if you don't fvck him, he has no use for you. 

So not only are you violating your "open marriage" by not being OPEN about meeting up with this guy, this guy, the OM, has told you it's sex or nothing.

... 

...

...

This isn't about "being attracted." This is about the fact *you are currently actively having an affair * and your husband has no idea.

Question: if you have an "open marriage" as you say, then why are you hiding all this from your husband?


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> Of course she is not coming back. She got pounced on by you lot and torn apart. All competing to see who can rip into her the most.
> 
> If someone comes here it means that at least part of them wants to avoid the affair, they should be given a chance to speak and we should all listen, we might learn something that might help our own marriages.
> 
> What exactly have you achieved with your sarcasm?


Thanks


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Well if that is the case, you don't have an OPEN marriage if you are hiding when you go out with this guy...your own words:
> 
> _Recently I met an old acquaintance and met him *without telling my husband about it*._
> 
> ...



I said our marriage is not open to fidelity. I got attracted towrds the other guy because I got emotional support from him and not for physical pleasure. I did not take his call today and dnt want to spoil my marriage any further. Hopingz for whats best for me


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> Open - as in we decided to stay together so that we can take care of our son properly. There is no emotional stress on our son.
> Otherwise we r not open to infidelity


So you are already at an unfaithful level that has crossed the boundaries of what is expected by your husband then. This is secret and not approved by him. I would suggest you not use your son as an excuse to be in a secret affair. Either be all in with your marriage or not. You are not protecting your son as eventually this will explode and he will be caught in the fallout.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> Yes.arranged one  sparkless


Okay, that anwers some questions. You might want to see if you can find a place online for spouses in marriages similar to yours.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

If divorce is not an option and the marriage is simply a legal construct for you and your husband, then you seriously talk with your husband about having an open marriage where the two of you will discreetly have outside relationships that will satisfy your individual needs. If he agrees then you have the green light from him to go ahead and have an affair with any man you are attracted to. Mind you that I'm not a believer of open marriages but in certain cases and with certain couples, it may turn out to be a satisfying arrangement, IF there is no secrecy and deception involved.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> I said our marriage is not open to fidelity. I got attracted towrds the other guy because I got emotional support from him and not for physical pleasure. I did not take his call today and dnt want to spoil my marriage any further. Hopingz for whats best for me


This requires full NC with. Not even in a work situation or in a group. You will have to go through withdrawal. This could take some number of weeks with NC. Even after withdrawal, you have to stay forever NC with this guy.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> I said our marriage is not open to fidelity.


No. You said this:



happynlucky said:


> Otherwise *we r not open to infidelity*


Good on you for refusing his call today. Do one better: block his #. Call up your cell phone company and have it blocked.
All he wants is sex anyway, which he told you. 

You want emotional support, he wants to bang. Fundamental difference.


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> So you are already at an unfaithful level that has crossed the boundaries of what is expected by your husband then. This is secret and not approved by him. I would suggest you not use your son as an excuse to be in a secret affair. Either be all in with your marriage or not. You are not protecting your son as eventually this will explode and he will be caught in the fallout.


My son was never and is not an excuse to be in an affair. Its me and only me , not my son and not my husband.


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

FourtyPlus said:


> Okay, that anwers some questions. You might want to see if you can find a place online for spouses in marriages similar to yours.


U r right. hope so


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> My son was never and is not an excuse to be in an affair. Its me and only me , not my son and not my husband.


Yes, of course it is your affair. The point is that what we do effects others. So I was just saying do not let yourself fall into the excuse of keeping it secret to spare your son.

The best thing of course is to stop the affair and go NC. This would be the best for your you, your son and your husband.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> . Hopingz for whats best for me


I don't care, I'm calling it.

Troll.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

FourtyPlus said:


> Okay, that anwers some questions. You might want to see if you can find a place online for spouses in marriages similar to yours.


:iagree:

So many societies in the world that are way more patriarchal than the West.Family honor expectations can turn deadly.A father,son and mother were recently convicted of murdering four women of which three were there own daughters,because of this.In the future I'm going to be more careful before I throw my 2 cents in.Hope you find the help you need.


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## marriageinprogress (Jul 7, 2011)

Ok, I am a dork. 

What do you mean by "Troll"???


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

marriageinprogress said:


> Ok, I am a dork.
> 
> What do you mean by "Troll"???


Troll (Internet) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## marriageinprogress (Jul 7, 2011)

Got it, thanks for educating me : )

I personally wouldn’t want to judge anyone’s post and call “Troll”. 
If someone thinks that a post is bogus, my opinion would be that they should not continue to read or follow it!


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Yeah people said that before to me, funny thing it turned out I was right.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Well, maybe you are right, well done if you are. 

Maybe you have found your vocation, seeking out and flaming trolls, but I still think that we should take posts at face value and try and make a positive contribution or move on to another thread.

Then again, maybe I'm a troll! They _are_ everywhere. You can't be too carefull! 

Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

Come on, look around you! The vast majority of people on here are distrustful. A newbie can't expect to be treated as if they were telling the truth, as if they were asking for genuine advice.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

I would rather risk giving a fake advice than not helping a fellow human in need.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Do what you think is something you can be proud of. You don't want to look back and be ashamed of yourself. Infidelity is dishonesty. It is for liars and cowards. If you have to leave, leave. there are many happy children in divorced marriages. The social stigma is much worse if you ruin someone else's marriage while being married I believe. And imagine your son's reaction when he finds out his mother is an adulteress. It will destroy him. No one wants their mother to be someone that sleeps around ruining other's marriages. Don't be "that woman" in your community. 

And the guy telling you that you shouldn't meet if you won't have sex is making it plain obvious. He is a user and scum. There are better single men around even if you are divorced.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

TBT said:


> :iagree:
> 
> So many societies in the world that are way more patriarchal than the West.Family honor expectations can turn deadly.A father,son and mother were recently convicted of murdering four women of which three were there own daughters,because of this.In the future I'm going to be more careful before I throw my 2 cents in.Hope you find the help you need.


This happened just a few hours from me, they sought help at an agency I used to work for. Yeah, it's scary I followed the trial.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

PBear said:


> I'm a WS, and I've admitted it in a number of threads on here. And yes, often times the threads started by WS's turn into a pack of wolves on a single object of prey. But MOST times that happens, it's because the WS isn't owning up to what they're doing fully. In some cases though,they're not given much guidance before they're torn apart.


Much comes from the newly betrayed, who are still raw from a recent DDay or are still in the anger stage. There's quite a lot of anger projection going on.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I would say you should work on your marriage if divorce is not an option, don't disgrace your family like this, it's not worth it. If you can get to counseling with your husband, try it, at least you can work on some of the issues to make it a better marriage, so at least the both of you can have some form of happiness.

The other man will use you, stay away from him, you'll ruin your life.


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> My son was never and is not an excuse to be in an affair. Its me and only me , not my son and not my husband.


 
I'm not gonna tear you down because there is just no need to go there...... 

Anyway, you said you are very attracted to this man that you knew before and you kissed him but when he told you to give it up or there is no need to see each other- that is when something inside of you should snap out of it. Him saying that to you shows you he is all about when he can penetrate and he will probably try to go there in his car since you'll were driving around and he tried it there. This man is looking for vulnerable prey. If you go there your feelings will be clouded. You are emotionally attaching yourself to a man that only wants you for sex so his feelings arent in it like yours. You're desperate to feel loved and wanted and he is gonna take full advantage of that.

You are vulnerable and wanting to feel loved but don't except what he is trying to give you. It is just not worth it. You are only attracted to the attention he is giving you at the moment and you're only getting that attention because he wants sex from you. *Please don't do it. I'm on the o*utside looking in and I'm telling you, he is only trying to conquer and he will be adding other women if not already when you can't meet him when he is up and ready to release. HE IS NOT WORTH IT. If you're gonna be a sucker (which I don't condone) but be a smart sucker and CUT OFF that predator.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

johnnycomelately said:


> Well, maybe you are right, well done if you are.
> 
> Maybe you have found your vocation, seeking out and flaming trolls, but I still think that we should take posts at face value and try and make a positive contribution or move on to another thread.
> 
> ...


You laugh and make light of a serious subject. 

We've had quite a few trolls here using multiple aliases posting threads that people have invested time, emotions and energy giving advice. And they keep coming back under different names. These unknown people relish the pain that the betrayed spouses here are going thru and enjoy watching them jump. You are late to the party and don't know whats been happening in this forum. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/38085-inagonys-thread-ona-different-site.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/38733-trolls.html


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Do what you think is something you can be proud of. You don't want to look back and be ashamed of yourself. Infidelity is dishonesty. It is for liars and cowards. If you have to leave, leave. there are many happy children in divorced marriages. The social stigma is much worse if you ruin someone else's marriage while being married I believe. And imagine your son's reaction when he finds out his mother is an adulteress. It will destroy him. No one wants their mother to be someone that sleeps around ruining other's marriages. Don't be "that woman" in your community.
> 
> And the guy telling you that you shouldn't meet if you won't have sex is making it plain obvious. He is a user and scum. There are better single men around even if you are divorced.



:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I am from India, our marriage was an arranged one. almost 99% of Indian marriages are arranged ones, but the infidelity is very less when compared to other nations.
People if they want to cheat they will do that and for that definitely they will find an excuse, like lonely, not attracted, sparkles marriage a lot like that.
How can you think that this man can bring back the spark in your marriage, he can only destroy it. I think you too want that. Dont act like a coward walk away from your marriage. He is a nice man who told you directly that he need only a fu*k from you. Tell your husband directly what you want if he cant, walk away from your marriage, dont fu*k on his back by this at least you can save your son from some one calling him "son of a bit*h"

Dont blame on arranged marriage for your infidelity, unfaithfulness and dissatisfaction in your marriage. back.


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Much comes from the newly betrayed, who are still raw from a recent DDay or are still in the anger stage. There's quite a lot of anger projection going on.


 
Yes, just stop with all that. When you come in here telling someone "YOU BETTER TELL HIM" are F- serious!!! People aren't looking for that -they are trying to make sense of their feelings. AND TO BE HONEST- being in a marriage where there is no chemistry and the two have put the son first - it can make your mind justify being with someone that will give you what you have been LONGING for and feel that you as a person DESERVES.

What she did is human nature. When you don't get basic needs fulfilled be spouse you can eventually go into DESIRE survival mode. So ease up on all the tearing down when someone is being honest and trying to get their thoughts mind and body back on track. Geese


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> You laugh and make light of a serious subject.
> 
> We've had quite a few trolls here using multiple aliases posting threads that people have invested time, emotions and energy giving advice. And they keep coming back under different names. These unknown people relish the pain that the betrayed spouses here are going thru and enjoy watching them jump. You are late to the party and don't know whats been happening in this forum.
> 
> ...


 

You think this is a troll thread?


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

lordmayhem said:


> You laugh and make light of a serious subject.


Troll paranoia is not a serious subject. It deserves a bit of satire.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

happynlucky said:


> Now this guy wants me to have sex with him or else lets not continue meeting. What do I do?


You really have to freaking ask? YOU ARE MARRIED! I don't care what kind of marriage you have. If you are thinking about riding this other man, get a divorce.

You really think anyone in their right mind is going to tell you to go for it?

Second, hmmm, lets see. This guy only wants to continue seeing you if you give him sex. Does this not register to you that he is a jerk? As if wanting to mess around with a married woman isn't already so?

But hey, if you don't care all he wants is sex from you, then what can I say?




> I cant stop seeing him and cant let him go coz he gives me some attention, I deserve


Do you?



> When I look at my kid, I feel guilty also.


You should.

If you are thinking about giving Mr. Give Me Sex or I won't want to see you anymore, then file for divorce.

You may have a sexless marriage, but that is no excuse to cheat. Set your husband free from you first.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Lady! Are you serious?!?!?!

The man said to you either you have sex with me or we stop all contact! What the hell kind of Fairy Tale book does that even remotely sounds close to Prince Charming. HE'S GOING TO USE YOU FOR HIS OWN GRATIFICATION! He doesn't care about you! He only cares about what you can give to him. And what you can give to him will cost you your family!


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