# year after affair



## littleone2011 (Sep 22, 2011)

Friday will be a year since my husbands affair. He told me a month later after the affair. 
I stayed with him for the sake of are child who is only 2. 
My problem is it still hurts and i still have a lot of anger toward her and him. I know people say don't hate her. I don't hate her for having sex with my husband. But trying to destroy my family. She tryed to get my daughter to call her mom. Said she was pregnant with twins which turned out to be false. Called and stalked him showed up at my house after he cut things off with her when I was not home.
I just can't get her out of my head. Her daughter is my sister in laws step daughter. So i have to be around her child often if I want to see my nieces and nephews. I try not to hold it against her little girl but its so hard not too. She has been a big factor in my life this year. A lot of people i talk to tell me to just get over it. But i just can't just recently i found out what she looks like. She is a lot skinner then me. I have all ways had a bad body image and had a eating disorder in the past. It is starting to surface back. Since I have seen her picture. Am i just going crazy or do i have every right to be this way.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So is she your sister in laws husbands ex ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

His cheating was never about you or your weight so don't punish your body for no reason. Take your time to heal, don't just "get over it".


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Do you go to the gym? This is not a weight thing. This is a clear your mind thing. Jogging, swimming, elliptical machines all clear my head. So when I would get angry and emotions would get a little off, I went to the gym and cleared myself out. Then my logic could set in and I could at least address things in a civil manner with my H.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Complexity said:


> His cheating was never about you or your weight so don't punish your body for no reason. Take your time to heal, don't just "get over it".


I agree with this. Usually it is the cheaters insecurities that make it happen. 

You don't want to punish yourself and teach your daughter to not love herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Karmabus (Mar 1, 2012)

Honestly, I don't think it's good for you to be around the OW's child- there has to be a way for you to see your relatives without the child.... perhaps they could come to you to visit?

You have every right to set the boundaries that you need to heal. Being around her kid is just too much to ask of you, IMO.


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## littleone2011 (Sep 22, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> So is she your sister in laws husbands ex ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes thats how they met.


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## littleone2011 (Sep 22, 2011)

Karmabus said:


> Honestly, I don't think it's good for you to be around the OW's child- there has to be a way for you to see your relatives without the child.... perhaps they could come to you to visit?
> 
> You have every right to set the boundaries that you need to heal. Being around her kid is just too much to ask of you, IMO.


My sister in law and her family has been preety good about not bring her around when i will be there. But there has been times that i have had to be around her. Birthday parties, Christmas, and Thanksgiving. My sister in law is all ways posting pictures of her on facebook. So i see her everyday.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

littleone2011 said:


> Friday will be a year since my husbands affair. He told me a month later after the affair.
> I stayed with him for the sake of are child who is only 2.
> My problem is it still hurts and i still have a lot of anger toward her and him. I know people say don't hate her. I don't hate her for having sex with my husband. But trying to destroy my family. She tryed to get my daughter to call her mom. Said she was pregnant with twins which turned out to be false. Called and stalked him showed up at my house after he cut things off with her when I was not home.
> I just can't get her out of my head. Her daughter is my sister in laws step daughter. So i have to be around her child often if I want to see my nieces and nephews. I try not to hold it against her little girl but its so hard not too. She has been a big factor in my life this year. A lot of people i talk to tell me to just get over it. But i just can't just recently i found out what she looks like. She is a lot skinner then me. I have all ways had a bad body image and had a eating disorder in the past. It is starting to surface back. Since I have seen her picture. Am i just going crazy or do i have every right to be this way.



I know that people say that you should not hate the OW, but I have always wondered why the hell not? This woman knew she was getting involved with a married man,and she knew she was putting his marriage and his child's future in jeopardy; and she knew she was hurting his wife. She also knew she was taking what she had to right to, how in the hell can you not hate a biyotch like that? I would not worry about being noble about this piece of sh!t. She certainly didn't spend any of her time on being noble about your marriage. My H's OW told me in an e-mail that she didn't care about me or my family, and I told her that this was hardly a surprise considering her behavior. It is very hard to get beyond this kind of betrayal and each time you are reminded of the A via the child or whatever, it reopens the wound. My H's OW is younger than one of my daughters and weighs about 95 lbs soaking wet. She is very attractive physically, but she isn't fit to clean my windows, and my H is truly sorry that he ever met her. Any woman who behaves this way is a gigantic step down, so please try not to compare yourself to this slime mold in human form. It has been over two years since my d-day and it is still very difficult for me to take this into my reality. It can take years to get beyond it, and it will always leave a scar. You will heal in your own time; it cannot be rushed. Those crazy emotions are all normal unfortunately. IC may help some in dealing with them. I wish you the best in your recovery process, my heart go's out to you. ((((( HUGS )))))


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## fourofus (Oct 9, 2010)

I know that people say that you should not hate the OW, but I have always wondered why the hell not? This woman knew she was getting involved with a married man,and she knew she was putting his marriage and his child's future in jeopardy; and she knew she was hurting his wife. She also knew she was taking what she had to right to, how in the hell can you not hate a biyotch like that? I would not worry about being noble about this piece of sh!t. She certainly didn't spend any of her time on being noble about your marriage. My H's OW told me in an e-mail that she didn't care about me or my family, and I told her that this was hardly a surprise considering her behavior. It is very hard to get beyond this kind of betrayal and each time you are reminded of the A via the child or whatever, it reopens the wound. My H's OW is younger than one of my daughters and weighs about 95 lbs soaking wet. She is very attractive physically, but she isn't fit to clean my windows, and my H is truly sorry that he ever met her. Any woman who behaves this way is a gigantic step down, so please try not to compare yourself to this slime mold in human form. It has been over two years since my d-day and it is still very difficult for me to take this into my reality. It can take years to get beyond it, and it will always leave a scar. You will heal in your own time; it cannot be rushed. Those crazy emotions are all normal unfortunately. IC may help some in dealing with them. I wish you the best in your recovery process, my heart go's out to you. ((((( HUGS ))))) 



Wow I was very shocked by your post. I too have had to deal with an affair but my husband is just as much to blame as the other women. He also knew he was married and that he was putting his wife and kids future in jeopardy. Why are you blaming the other women so much when your husband is the one that did his family wrong. I'm not judging at all, I just don't understand how you put all the blame on the other women but have chosen to forgive your husband and keep your marriage. And that would make your husband a slime mold in human form also?? Didn't he do the same thing as the other women. And if he was really sorry he ever meet her. He would of walked away before things got out of control. He's sorry he got caught... Bottom line!!!!


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

littleone2011 said:


> Friday will be a year since my husbands affair. He told me a month later after the affair.
> I stayed with him for the sake of are child who is only 2.
> My problem is it still hurts and i still have a lot of anger toward her and him. I know people say don't hate her. I don't hate her for having sex with my husband. But trying to destroy my family. She tryed to get my daughter to call her mom. Said she was pregnant with twins which turned out to be false. Called and stalked him showed up at my house after he cut things off with her when I was not home.
> I just can't get her out of my head. Her daughter is my sister in laws step daughter. So i have to be around her child often if I want to see my nieces and nephews. I try not to hold it against her little girl but its so hard not too. She has been a big factor in my life this year. A lot of people i talk to tell me to just get over it. But i just can't just recently i found out what she looks like. She is a lot skinner then me. I have all ways had a bad body image and had a eating disorder in the past. It is starting to surface back. Since I have seen her picture. Am i just going crazy or do i have every right to be this way.


I can guarantee the sure way not to get over it, is for someone to tell you to get over it. Agreed?


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

I feel so bad for you that her child is part of your extended family..that sucks! I can only say the farther away from D day you get...the better you will get. 

_-- Sent from my Palm Pixi using Forums_


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