# fiance got excited that hot girl seemed interested.. 'girls like that' arent normally



## Xena (Feb 11, 2011)

My boyfriend always told me he was the most attractive person he'd seen and the most beautiful person he'd been with. I asked him if he meant physical attractiveness or inner beauty or the whole person and he said all of it.

A couple of weeks ago we were at a party and a pretty girl seemed interested in him. When we left I commented to him on this. He got really excited and said 'Yeah I know! I'm not used to girls _like that_ being interested in me. It's like...am I at _that level?_'.

He seemed so proud that this girl was into him. I asked him 'what LEVEL am I then?'. He got really quiet and wouldn't say.

Later he tried to explain that he was referring to some 'scale' that 'other people' would see attractiveness as, but HE didn't subscribe to 'that scale'. He said he 'used to'. I asked if he didn't subscribe to that scale why he got so excited. I also asked what meant this girl was on this scale and I wasn't.

He said on that scale I would be 'average' but this girl would be quite high up. He also has said he thinks he's more on 'that scale' than I am. Mainly because of her body shape (compared to mine). I am a bit overweight but I'm not ugly.

I don't feel like I'm the kind of girl he's into anymore. With probing he's admitted I'm not 'the most attractive person he's been with', and he won't even say where on the list I am. But he also says he thinks this scale is wrong and I'm the molst beautiful to him. He says he sees the 'whole person'. Yet he watches youporn.com which is a homemade porn site with lots of skinny big titted girls (I'm not skinny and don't have big tits).

I asked him what he finds attractive and he said sexual confidence. How am I supposed to be confident after all this?

I don't watch porn, and when I masturbate it's usually over him. When I told him he was the most attractive person I meant it. He said he just said it because he thought it was something you said to the pwerson you're with (in some sense), but in some other sense I am beautiful to him.

I feel sick and I hate my body. I wish he was into me like he is into porn. I wish when I had mentioned that girl seeming to like him, he gave the response *I* would have given which would have been 

'So? Who cares...I'm already with the most georgous person here tonight!'

My self esteem was already knocked by him being unfaithful online; now this. He doesn't seem to understand how much it's knocked me. And then when he tries to approach me for sex I have no confidence and I don't want to...and then he says he feels pushed away and sexually...um I can't remember the word he used, but like 'abandoned' or 'not taken care of'.

I wish he'd at least show me he wants me as much as he wants his porn. He's taken some sexy pictures of me recently, if he put them as his computer desktop or something that would make me feel good. I keep asking him to tell me about clothes he likes on me but he doesn't. I want him to show me what underwear etc I could wear to get him off but he seems more into youporn - that's what it feels like anyway. I just wish he found me as attractive as I find him...

Problem is when I tell him this, he usually just sighs and says 'yeah I know you feel that way'.

And it's not him being into porn that's the issue. My ex of four years was into porn too, but he always made sure I knew *I* was the most attractive for him. But I think my current would prefer I act like a porn girl and be skinny and have big tits, even though he says he wouldn't.

Ramble over.


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## Xena (Feb 11, 2011)

It's not fair!! Whenever we go out he always looks really good then asks me 'how do I look?'. He even made videos of himself 'showing off'...FOR HIMSELF. That's rifht, he masturbates over himself!! But when does he wAnk over me??! He finds himself so hot and loves being told so...but can't see how my self esteem is shot to he'll cause of his insensitivity! Is there any way of seeing this I'm missing here? Pls help! Ivwake up hating my stupid Fat underconfident self, and I hate that he liked that girl better??!!! **** I'm in so much pain right now! I thought we had something really special in finding each other so hot...but it wasn't true from his side!! I don't want him to just see a beautiful person...I want to be his sexual dream girl as well, like he is mine!!! I ****ing HATE this...the inequality and unfairness of it all!!! ****!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Dump him. He's not making you feel good about yourself, he'd doing the exact opposite. I don't know how you can overcome this when you see that he feels this way. You'll deal with this forever. Women have a hard enough time with self image without a partner tearing them down. Add this to the infidelity, and you've got a real loser on your hands. It isn't fair. Find someone who will worship you and kick this guy to the curb. He loves himself so much, he can have himself.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Xena said:


> My boyfriend always told me he was the most attractive person he'd seen and the most beautiful person he'd been with. I asked him if he meant physical attractiveness or inner beauty or the whole person and he said all of it.
> 
> A couple of weeks ago we were at a party and a pretty girl seemed interested in him. When we left I commented to him on this. He got really excited and said 'Yeah I know! I'm not used to girls _like that_ being interested in me. It's like...am I at _that level?_'.
> 
> He seemed so proud that this girl was into him. I asked him 'what LEVEL am I then?'. He got really quiet and wouldn't say.


What an awful thing to do to you. the problem is he knows your relationship is held by a thread, and you could leave him, because lets face it, even if he may look great he's got far to many issues for a good relationship. So h is trying to undermine your confidence and it's working. That is not something you do to someone you love.

If you love someone IMO they are the hottest person, because you love all of them regardless of any flaws.

I know that abusive men do this sort of thing quite often, to try and put their partner in their "Place".



> Later he tried to explain that he was referring to some 'scale' that 'other people' would see attractiveness as, but HE didn't subscribe to 'that scale'. He said he 'used to'. I asked if he didn't subscribe to that scale why he got so excited. I also asked what meant this girl was on this scale and I wasn't.


What a load of rubbish. if we are going on made up scales or what society deems as perfect, very few people fall into that catagory. moreover I don't find men on those "scales" even attractive. You make up your own mind what you do and don't find attractive.

My fiance is the most attractive person I have been with because, he is the type of man I like. he also cares about me and tries very hard in our relationship, and does things to further our relation ship and make it better. I am not attracted to jerks.


> He said on that scale I would be 'average' but this girl would be quite high up. He also has said he thinks he's more on 'that scale' than I am. Mainly because of her body shape (compared to mine). I am a bit overweight but I'm not ugly.


Maybe you could tell him that things can be done to change the inside but ugly personalities seem to be forever and he is definately on your scale of the type of person you would like to share your life with.


> I don't feel like I'm the kind of girl he's into anymore. With probing he's admitted I'm not 'the most attractive person he's been with', and he won't even say where on the list I am. But he also says he thinks this scale is wrong and I'm the molst beautiful to him. He says he sees the 'whole person'. Yet he watches youporn.com which is a homemade porn site with lots of skinny big titted girls (I'm not skinny and don't have big tits)


.
So he makes you feel bad by watching porn and insults you. maybe hes getting his ideas about women from you porn, and hes obviously only watching one type, which is skewing his ideas about women and their bodies.



> I asked him what he finds attractive and he said sexual confidence. How am I supposed to be confident after all this?


Your not, and that's why he's doing it, so you won't have the confidence to leave him.


> I don't watch porn, and when I masturbate it's usually over him. When I told him he was the most attractive person I meant it. He said he just said it because he thought it was something you said to the pwerson you're with (in some sense), but in some other sense I am beautiful to him.


Again manipulative behaviour. telling you he didn't mean something that meant a lot to you. ASS HOLE


> I feel sick and I hate my body. I wish he was into me like he is into porn. I wish when I had mentioned that girl seeming to like him, he gave the response *I* would have given which would have been


Well it's not about you and what you look like, this about him and his need to make you feel like crap.


> 'So? Who cares...I'm already with the most georgous person here tonight!'


And it should have been.


> My self esteem was already knocked by him being unfaithful online; now this. He doesn't seem to understand how much it's knocked me. And then when he tries to approach me for sex I have no confidence and I don't want to...and then he says he feels pushed away and sexually...um I can't remember the word he used, but like 'abandoned' or 'not taken care of'.


You don't trust him and rightfully so.


> I wish he'd at least show me he wants me as much as he wants his porn. He's taken some sexy pictures of me recently, if he put them as his computer desktop or something that would make me feel good. I keep asking him to tell me about clothes he likes on me but he doesn't. I want him to show me what underwear etc I could wear to get him off but he seems more into youporn - that's what it feels like anyway. I just wish he found me as attractive as I find him...
> 
> Problem is when I tell him this, he usually just sighs and says 'yeah I know you feel that way'.
> 
> ...


I feel really sad for you, that you are with this toxic awful person.

You deserve better, and won't get it or the life you deserve untill you leave him.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I'd like to put this into perspective about some of the ways guys think, and how this only shows that he doesn't deserve you.

There is a side of us that wants to know that others would find our wife/girlfriend attractive. However, if it is purely abour face and body, it is only a reflection that the guy is insecure and shallow. It says that he considers himself ugly, and wants his own validation over yours.

I don't know the best way to say it, so I'll just plunge into it. I was a popular guy in high school and college. Even modelled for extra cash. My wife said that she considered me out of her league. I dated some girls who were superficially very attractive. 

When I first saw my wife, I remember the feeling, and telling myself that I was going to marry her. My brother didn't understand it. He thought she was pretty, but didn't understand my behavior. Simply put, it was a combination of traits that told me that she was incredibly beautiful. Things like grace, poise, and confidence. The nice a$$ didn't hurt. When we dated, though, she was so insecure until she finally saw that I was dead serious. 


What I'm trying to get at (and maybe I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic) is that your guy who deserves you will maybe feel a bit of a twinge of craziness when another hot woman is interested, but he'll shake his head, roll his eyes, and forget it within twenty seconds. If this isn't the worst of his reaction, then he's insecure and pretty shallow. He's not seeing all of you - the complete package. The parts that a more confident guy would try to win.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

:iagree: Very good post Halien.


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## anon_4_now (Mar 23, 2011)

Unless he is normally like this, I'd give him another chance but make sure he 100% understands why it hurt. Sometimes men and women say stupid stuff and then say more stupid stuff to try to fix it. This *might* have been one of those cases... 

If this is how he normally is, then dump him.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

The thing that bothers me the most about this is the "scale of attractiveness." Grown (scratch that--mature) men don't actually do that, not even in locker rooms or the golf course. That's something for the movies.

The fact that he's comparing you to other women at this stage of the relationship predicts that it's never going to work out. It sounds like he uses women as a sort of social indicator, always looking for the next rung up the ladder of importance. He also sounds like a first-class manipulator and narcissist. 

My wife's last boyfriend before we got together was just like the guy you're talking about, and that relationship ended up going into some very dark territory because she was unable to get out of it when she she should have.

And people like this don't generally change. My wife and I got together about 10 years ago. We still occasionally see the ex, and he hasn't learned a thing. He's still a complete jackhole ten years later.

I try not to speak in absolutes or be a "line in the sand" kind of guy... But this dude sounds like a tool. Kick his ass to the curb and find somebody who respects you for who you are, not how you look on his arm. And do it quickly, before you find yourself trapped by him.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

:iagree: Good advice from Dr. Rockstar.


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