# she wants another baby, i dont.



## waterboy

married for 5 years now, we both work and have an 18 month old awesome little baby boy. 

before we even got married it was already known that I did not want to have kids at all. anyway, about 3 years after our wedding date, i finally caved in and gave her us a baby. 

now he's a great boy i think that we got lucky with him. dont get me wrong, he has his moments but over all he's good. because of this, im afraid if we have a second one he/she will be the complete opposite. ive seen it way too much in other families (im a child photographer and visit homes to take pictures and have seen too many reasons why having more than one child is just not for me.

but this is just one of the many many reasons why i dont want another baby. my other concerns are:

-wud we be able to afford another child
-im not willing to go through any more sleepless nights
-im not willing to risk having twins (we were both afraid the first time)
-i am happy with the family we have now and feel that overload will make things harder. i like focusing on just one child. 
-jealousy issues between sibling and fights
-the infant thing was cute but could not see myself doing it again.
-although we both consider our little boy to be relatively good, he wasnt always easy at night. he has bad night terrors which came from her side of the family.

i know that there r good things about the firstborn having a sibling but they just weigh less than the negatives. he does have friends and plays with them in the park. he actually sees them most days and will see them even more when we move closer to them so i dont think he will be lonely. i dont think that will be an issue. he is very social, especially at nursery school.

my wife and i got into an argument about it last night, she told me that she wants to love another child and how she's always wanted to have another baby and that im not being fair. i told her that i didnt want to have even one and she knew that but i gave one to her already and how is that being unfair?? she then told me that she doesnt want to be with someone that doesnt want to have another child. 

i know that she will will be sad and frustrated and resent me for the rest of her life and probably leave me if i dont give in. i also know that if i give in i will resent her for forcing it on me and it will never be the same. if she leaves me then i guess thats what will happen.

im not trying to hurt my wife in anyway, what i do want is to be happy with her and our little boy.

i dont know if im seeking for help on this or if im just trying to vent. maybe someone else is going through this i dont know.


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## Sandy55

I've been in this situation. 

I married a man (subsequently divorced him over this very issue) before my DH and I married back in 1980s.

This ex-DH, whom I loved _dearly_, did not want *any* children. But we _*didn't*_ discuss this. I was young and just *assumed * that if a man wants to _marry_ then surely he'd want kids. Besides, I already had a four year old of my own, from a previous marriage, and I _thought_ I'd made it clear she would want sibs. 

The *saddest* thing of my life happened. I became pregnant not _realizing_ he *really* did not want kids at all, EVER. We were using birth control, as I knew it was a "discussion" issue, and NOT agreed upon. 

As I would *NEVER* keep a baby a man did not WANT to be a father to, (I believe it is WRONG to *make* him be a father based on my SOLE discretion once pregnant.

SO, I terminated the pregnancy and we parted company. I was not angry at him, just sad. But that was my decision to move on based on the fact he truly did not have my idea of what family means to me and my DD, four at the time, well, I wanted her to have sibs. He and I are still very good friends and understand each other totally, but the pain of not being able to have HIS baby really hurt for a very long time. I loved him, but I also knew I wanted a larger family, especially since I did not want my DD4 being an only child.

My dd was 10 before I did have more family, and I am so glad I made that choice. It was a good one.

I would HOLD firm on your stance. I think you made it clear to her you didn't truly want any but then she pressured you into another child. At the very least, YOU decide to go ahead and TRY, tell her you will TRY, IF she promises to do a pre-divorce agreement that if this does not work out.

As a mother of four, and three are now grown, I do not think you selfish, or unreasonable. You were truthful and now she is pressuring you. I think your concerns are valid, and you are very mature and honest. You are smart. Children are $250,000 to raise from 0-18, and that does not count college; they are a HUGE financial AND emotional investment. Though, to be honest, with all the work, I love all my kids, but then again, everyone calls me "mother nature" and I take care of neonates for a living.


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## waterboy

hi sandy ty so much for ur response and for telling me about ur own experience yes it is basically the same situation. im glad i can come here to express myself. let me tell u a small portion about myself. im a nice guy that loves his family and wud pretty much die for them both. my little boy just means the world to me i think about him constantly , on the road, at work, in the shower, and even when im in bed. if anything happens to him i dont know wat i wud do . i wud probably become a bitter person. i wrote a letter to him incase something happened to me before he was able to understand me when i tell him that i love him so he wud kno i think every parent shud do this. and my wife, i love her dearly and have done alot for her because it makes me happy to see her happy. 

i think my point is that i feel that i am a loving person and have a lot of it to give but i just feel that having another baby will be too much for the both of us to handle i cant get into something as big as this if there is doubt. 

She really wants this and im usually very sensitive to her needs and even have sacrafised alot for her in the past and will continue to do so as long as we're together but having another baby i believe strongly will most likely not be right for us. 

She has probably forgotten that as good as our little boy is he has made her cry of frustrating sleepless nights it was very hard for me as well and didnt like seeing her like that. She has also yelled at me in front of her family during his tantrims. These things wud happen a long time ago wen he was younger but i dont forget. As i said before he is a pretty good boy overall and this is probably the biggest reason why i refuse to have another one. Aa the saying goes, theres always one. 

Im sorry about my long expressions i just need a place to let it out. 

This morning before leaving for work, i asked my wife if she will just continue not talking to me because of the situation and she said that she is talking to me. Last night she didnt even kiss me goodnight as she usually does. This situation is really hurting me she knew from the beginning i cant believe this is happening to us.


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## GAsoccerman

I really think you two should get divorced and you should move on and give her custody of your son.

You discussed this before getting married and you both did it anyway, She figured you would change your mind, basically tricking you. You knew you did not want children, but you gave in after "pressure" bad move.

I think you should have a friendly and civil divorce so she can find a man that wants children and you can find a woman that does not want children and be happy.

My wife and I have three children, we discussed this ahead of time, we wanted four children, but our move to georgia stopped that, we settled on three....together and I went and got a vesectomy. But it was a mutual decision, we were ont he same page, we discussed it, we respected each others thoughts and came to a equal conclusion.

Sandy did the right thing by divorcing her husband who did not want children, she should not force him to, to make herself happy? not fair to the child.

Someday your wife will tell your son, that YOU did not want him. You can bet on that.


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## LaBella

I understand your feeling and they are legit, but hers are too. So instead of fighting about it, why don't you guys compromise. You both have said what you feel, mid 1/2 way. He is only 18 months right? Then tell her to let him grow just a little more, you do not feel right now that it is the best for your family, finances, whatever. To give it another year or 2 and then you guys can talk about it again, see how things go and then discuss about the pros and cons of having another baby, 2 little ones at once can be a hand full and you fears might come thru, but and older boy will be bigger and a little more independent. It depends on how you raise him to have jelousy issues or not, my oldest was very happy with her sister and even helped with the decorations and with taking care of her sister, they are 5 years apart.

Discuss it this way, tell her that even though you feel that 1 child is more than enought, you have consideration for her feelings and are willing to compromise to "Discuss it again" in a couple of years. That might be a great solution to your problems, for now, who knows in a couple of years you might feel that another one is OK or she might feel that 1 is enough. If after this you guys still in an stand still then think about dicorcing, she is still young and can find somebody else who could give her more kids, like Sandy did. But if you do not want to think of Divorce then this might be a temporary solution to your problem, will the more permanent one can be dealt with later, if things do not change.

Good Luck


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## Sandy55

I also noticed this in your posts: You said your wife screams at you when the baby has a tantrum. What is all that about? 

Also, your wife not speaking to you nor kissing you good night is immature way to resolve this. She is boxing you in and forcing your "hand" trying to coerce you into having another child.

Did you tell her that is "dirty" negotiating and will do nothing but make you resent her? 

Have you two gone to counseling regarding this matter?

On another note: the *second *child is usually easier to deal with (in terms of noise, sacrifice, and "dealing") as you don't have so many surprises, and OFTEN a second child HELPS make raising the first EASIER as you've already adjusted to being a parent. 

For me and my DH it was that way. He wanted one, maybe two, then after the third, he wanted a fourth of his own 

(that would have made FIVE for me, no thank you DH, I don't play basketball).

I had a friend who decided he didn't want kids at 24 years old, and went and had a vasectomy. He thought he didn't have the patience or ability to be a good father...I don't know WHY he thought that, he was an awesome Dad to other children. 

At what age did you decide to be non-father and why didn't you just get a vasectomy at that time. Had you had a vasectomy and your DW married you this would have been a moot point, but then again, your DW may not have married you, either.


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## MrsSchaffer

Chances are this is going to end your marriage. No matter what you two decide one of you isn't going to be happy. This should have been something you discussed before marrying however. 

I however think that you need to stand your ground. You can never take back a child, however, she can go find someone else to have children with.


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## Atholk

When a man marries a woman, he's pretty much on the hook for however many children she wants to have. She typically controls the birth control and can "opps" at will. So any idea that you have any effective control is pretty much an illusion.

Your options are;

1. Enjoy however many children she wants.
2. Damage martial happiness and generally run a high risk of divorce in an unresolved standoff.
3. Have her "opps" with another man and you raise the kid.
4. Have her leave you for another man.

Generally I advise #1. *Never *underestimate the power of a women's sexuality, or the lengths they will go to when they want to pregnant.

Simply saying before marriage "I don't want to have a baby" and even making it agreed upon and clear, is simply all hot air the moment she decides she wants a baby.

You married a woman. They change their minds and stuff. True story.


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## Sandy55

Women change their MINDS, surely you jest!


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## Atholk

Sandy55 said:


> Women change their MINDS, surely you jest!


Well what likely happened was that before marriage she was intellectually agreeable to the idea of not having children. But once in the marriage basic biological drives asserted itself as a core need.

He (or anyone) can come up with a long list of very sane reasons that having kids is a pain in the ass, and make a good intellectual argument to not have any more of them. However logic is a weak argument against non-rational biological drives. Hormones are typically deaf to debate. She "just wants another baby".

He likely feels tricked by her on some level, but to be honest, she is likely no less tricked by her own biology than he is. I think the overwhelming majority of women getting married will want babies from the union - no matter how they think or feel before the wedding day. Any man that understands women should have figured that out before getting married to one.

You'd think people would eventually realize sex and pregnancy have a link...


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## StrongEnough

We had one children when we got married. Six years later we ended up pregnant again, not preventing, it just never happened until our son was 6. 

I told him I was pregnant and he said he wanted a divorce because he did not want anymore kids. He failed to discuss that with me before we married or got pregnant the second time.

Our second child is now four and I think about it now and again that he wanted to leave me over this. I commend you for talking with her up front and honestly about what you want. After the second child he opted for a vasectomy without much input from me. Yes, I had to sign the paperwork, but his mind was already made up and he damn near divorced me over the second child.

Now we are separated and I still feel like this was a big issue in our relationship. 

I'm not offering you any advice. Just letting you know my situation and how when two people don't agree on this, or do and then change their minds, the problems can escalate.


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## Corpuswife

I know more than one woman that said she didn't want kids. Got married and still didn't want kids. Then, biology kicked in around 30 and she suddenly wanted kids! 

So...things change even if an agreement is made.

She will need to figure out what she wants....to be married to you or have more kids without you in the picture. 

This is a discussion in which you will need to hold firm. Although, the other poster is right about the "oops" factor. Unless you get a vasectomy now...there is always a chance.


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## Atholk

StrongEnough said:


> I told him I was pregnant and he said he wanted a divorce because he did not want anymore kids. He failed to discuss that with me before we married or got pregnant the second time


Well by the time you are pregnant the decision to have another kid or not is pretty much made isn't it? Abortion is one option, but I think any husband that forces his wife to abort his own baby... well LMAO at hopes the marriage will survive. His options are either raise it with you, or pay child support in the final analysis.

Speaking as a man, women are pretty damn likely going to want to have kids in a marriage. It's the price of admission. Eyes open, stop whining, be a man.

If you don't want kids, why would you get yourself married in the first place? The whole legal system works like a trap to ensure husbands/fathers at least pay for child support.


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## Sensitive

My husband already had a daughter from a previous marriage and didn't care if we had kids. He pressured me to have them asap as we were both getting older. I wanted to wait until his daughter was 18, so he can focus on our kids, he said no, do it now. First son was a challenge as I had to learn everything. He also had more behavorial/developmental problems. I thought one was too much work, and didn't warm up to the idea of another child until 18 months. I really wanted a girl, but second child was another boy. Hubby was very unhelpful with the second child. Instead of doubling my childcare pains, I quadrupled them, becasue Hubby was absent about 95% of the time. Second son was more textbook, and a perfect complement and playmate for our first son. After 4 years of a troubled marriage, I bizarrely felt heartbroken that I was not pregnant with a third child after I was late on my period last month. Hubby even had a vascetomy, and I still think it would be nice to have a daughter. I think women can't just squash their maternal instincts. I also think neglectful fathers are shameful. Financially, I never knew children can be so expensive, but realistically kids can thrive on whatever you give them. I grew up in a 2 bedroom house with eight members in the family, and did fine. I am very grateful to have 3 siblings. I hope my story helps.


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## Atholk

Sensitive said:


> After 4 years of a troubled marriage, I bizarrely felt heartbroken that I was not pregnant with a third child after I was late on my period last month. Hubby even had a vascetomy, and I still think it would be nice to have a daughter. I think women can't just squash their maternal instincts.


Thanks. This is the perfect example of what I've been saying.


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## dbperryman

Don't do it. I'm in somewhat the same situation, only with our first child, I did not want children at all, and she knew that. I caved in to make her happy and let me tell you it's been 6 months of hell. It has done anything but make either one of us happy. we have fought and argued more than any time in our marriage. It has hurt our relationship tremendously. Please just explain to her that it is not something that you want and are unwilling to go through the pain and suffering for months again.


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## mae

I'm kinda amazed that anyone would marry someone who would state that being a father is "pain and suffering." I am a mother and no matter how bad life is everything bad goes away when my baby smiles at me.

Back to the subject matter, I agree with the poster who said wait a couple years and see how you both feel then. However, if you KNOW you will never change your mind, you probably should just end the marriage and get a vasectomy. Sit down and really talk it out with her and get counseling as needed, maybe she will change her mind or you will but I don't think either of you should "give in" and neither will be happy if you disagree on it. And on the "oops" part, you can use condoms but usless you come to a real agreement on this point you will need to use condoms forever and you'll both be unhappy.


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## mea_3

Hi waterboy. It sounds to me like you are asking all the right questions when it comes to a very big decesion of having another child. Having children should not be taken lightly. It's a big deal. From the moment that child is conceived it becomes your respsonsibility for life. I know this as a mom of 3. And most important here, if a child is not wanted that child will infact sense it some point and that will not be good. So, do not rush your choice here. Talk this over with your spouse, until you have both reached an outcome that your happy with. Good luck.


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## Bob S

I was in your shoes 8 years ago. I agreed to another child and now I find out in counciling today that she felt because I didn't initially want a second child that somehow I didn't love this one and she had to "protect" her. I'm not even sure what this means but my wife is very angry over it. I love my children exactly the same and have never been sorry I agreed to the second child. Please tread lightly on any decision you make.


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## ChimeIn

Speaking as a woman, and a mom, I think every child's first right is to be wanted and loved by BOTH their parents. I can't stand it when I see women who have an "oops" moment... forcing the issue to their hesitant husband. 

Speaking as a mom of an only child, try pointing out all the positives... my son is now five and he's in kindergarten (Free!) for 7 hours a day. I got my life/career back already... not 8 or 11 years later... just five. I think its a fabulous way to have a family.

Speaking as an adult who's worked on knowing who I am and what I want, I realize that I would have been happy adopting a child (DH wouldn't hear of it), and there ARE moments when I realize my son is missing out on sibling moments. I only shrug and say, he's getting benefits that other kids don't have. DH and I have more time, energy, patience, money, EVERYTHING for him... because he doesn't have to share.

I would highly recommend hiring a babysitter, sitting down and talking with your wife and very honestly, in a heart-felt way (so she doesn't think you'll change your mind when you see your beautiful newborn baby.... a LOT of women think this way!), telling her that you believe a baby, toddler, child, teenager, adult needs a father who loves them and wanted them. And you're not able to provide that.

THEN... offer her options. Does she want to be a "Big Sister?" Does she want to be the host family for exchange students? (Something I want to do for my son when he gets older.) Does she want to volunteer with children at the local hospital? Would it be enough for her to be around any nieces & nephews that you have? Then tell her you want her to take at least ONE WHOLE DAY and think long and hard about each of these options. Spend the entire 24 hours just contemplating one option... the short-term and the long term. Tell her you'll do the same. Tell her one of the options would be to have a second child. (You at least owe her your full consideration of having a second.)

Then let it stew for a week and see where you are. If she's like some women, just the sight of a baby will send her into spasms of desire for another... if she's not, she can compromise with you on one of the other options.

If, after your 24 hour period, you're really sure of your course, then you need to tell her you want a vasectomy. It may cost the marriage. So you need to decide how much an only-child is worth to you. 

Good luck.


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## MEM2020

This is my story - and it ended happily - but everyone is different. 

I think Atholk is mostly right about women and family size. His comment was that they decide family size and that mostly they are relentless on this point. 

We had 2 kids - spaced almost 5 years. She wanted "more" - which I believed to be at least 2 more but I could not tell for sure. 

One day when our second was just over a year I has this conversation on a peaceful Saturday afternoon while standing in our kitchen. 

>>>>>>>>
I have thought about family size for 6 months now. I want to stop at 2, you want more. You have 3 options, please don't pick option 3. Either 1 or 2 are fine. 

1. You agree to 3 - this is not a pretend to agree - this is a hardcore commit that when our next baby is 6 months - I go get a vasectomy without further conversation/discussion disagreement. This is my preferred choice. I will never complain about the 3rd, never reference that I did this under duress. I will simply convince myself I want 3 just as much as you. I am certain I can get there. 


2. You decide that 3 is just not enough for you to be happy. I will make you a generous financial settlement, we will part amicably and stay great friends. You may then proceed to have as many children as you like with another man. 

3. You pretend to agree to 1, and then try to go for 2 - with me. If that happens we will divorce, it will be bitter, I will inflict as much misery on you as I am legally able. I will never - if I live to be a 100 - never forgive you for deceiving me. 

I have had 6 months to consider this. You are welcome to evaluate your options as long as you like. If you believe there are other valid options I am glad to listen to your thoughts. 

She selected option 1, and we followed the plan to the letter without further discussion. Number 3 is a delightful child. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
If I had to do it over again I would have added some stuff to this. Specifically that I wanted a promise that I would not be dropped to the bottom of the priority stack after child 3 was born. And that our sex life would not change after number 3. I was really lucky, neither changed. But many, many men find that as soon as wife gets the final child, her motivation to play nice with husband drops very noticeably. I am not bashing women - just describing a very common outcome. 

I would have put it this way: Our marriage will not survive me being treated as the 5th wheel. Your life will be much worse with more kids and no husband, then less kids and no husband. For your sake don't do this unless you really are as committed to me as a man and a husband as you are to making little copies of us. 

Like I said I was lucky. I did not have those issues, but many men do. And your wife - screaming at you in front of family - that is a very worrisome thing. If your physical relationship is not strong now, you are likely giong to be very deprived after the last one arrives. 






ChimeIn said:


> Speaking as a woman, and a mom, I think every child's first right is to be wanted and loved by BOTH their parents. I can't stand it when I see women who have an "oops" moment... forcing the issue to their hesitant husband.
> 
> Speaking as a mom of an only child, try pointing out all the positives... my son is now five and he's in kindergarten (Free!) for 7 hours a day. I got my life/career back already... not 8 or 11 years later... just five. I think its a fabulous way to have a family.
> 
> Speaking as an adult who's worked on knowing who I am and what I want, I realize that I would have been happy adopting a child (DH wouldn't hear of it), and there ARE moments when I realize my son is missing out on sibling moments. I only shrug and say, he's getting benefits that other kids don't have. DH and I have more time, energy, patience, money, EVERYTHING for him... because he doesn't have to share.
> 
> I would highly recommend hiring a babysitter, sitting down and talking with your wife and very honestly, in a heart-felt way (so she doesn't think you'll change your mind when you see your beautiful newborn baby.... a LOT of women think this way!), telling her that you believe a baby, toddler, child, teenager, adult needs a father who loves them and wanted them. And you're not able to provide that.
> 
> THEN... offer her options. Does she want to be a "Big Sister?" Does she want to be the host family for exchange students? (Something I want to do for my son when he gets older.) Does she want to volunteer with children at the local hospital? Would it be enough for her to be around any nieces & nephews that you have? Then tell her you want her to take at least ONE WHOLE DAY and think long and hard about each of these options. Spend the entire 24 hours just contemplating one option... the short-term and the long term. Tell her you'll do the same. Tell her one of the options would be to have a second child. (You at least owe her your full consideration of having a second.)
> 
> Then let it stew for a week and see where you are. If she's like some women, just the sight of a baby will send her into spasms of desire for another... if she's not, she can compromise with you on one of the other options.
> 
> If, after your 24 hour period, you're really sure of your course, then you need to tell her you want a vasectomy. It may cost the marriage. So you need to decide how much an only-child is worth to you.
> 
> Good luck.


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## vasboy1

For about 2-3 years after our wonderful daughter was born my wife really wanted a second. We fought about it a bit and she took up excercise and fitness very agressively. Meanwhile, my daughter has turned out to be such a cool kid. My wife found a hobby (working out) that seemed to work as sort of a surrogate for having another kid and it is fun being able to be a more nimble family - travel is easer, vacations are more affordable and we're even able to send our girl to a great little private school. This morning, i had a vasectomy (doing fine) with the full support of my wife. If you both want 2 kids, that's great but threre is nothing at all that we can see wrong with the one and done approach. Best of luck


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## Mrs.G

Corpuswife said:


> I know more than one woman that said she didn't want kids. Got married and still didn't want kids. Then, biology kicked in around 30 and she suddenly wanted kids!
> 
> So...things change even if an agreement is made.
> 
> She will need to figure out what she wants....to be married to you or have more kids without you in the picture.
> 
> This is a discussion in which you will need to hold firm. Although, the other poster is right about the "oops" factor. Unless you get a vasectomy now...there is always a chance.


I am 29 and I still do not want children. My husband will be getting a vasectomy in January; that was the earliest appointment we could get at this well known clinic. The best urologists in the country work out of there. I religiously take my birth control; I even have a med alarm to remind me to take it at the same time every day. I would never trick my husband into becoming a father by not taking my pill; that would not be fair to him or the unwanted child. 

*I purposely married a man who did want to have kids. *


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## Gemma

I have a similar situation, but I am the one who wants more children, so I feel my advice will be a bit biased. First, it is all well and good to come into a marriage with your beliefs and "stances". But you married a human being. We grow and change. I didn't know how much I would enjoy being a mother until I became one. Marriages and relationships grow and change over time, and priorities change. (I also grew up an only child and it sucks, believe me) You will never look at that second child as he/she grows, and think, "I wish I never had you - I had to work harder, be more inconvenienced, get less sleep, etc." But you WILL regret it if you let your loving marriage and relationship with your child get ruined over this issue. Most dads don't realize they "want" their child until after it is born, that is just nature's way. Children are blessings, not nuisances. Something is a little flawed in your thinking that you focus on only the negatives. Women were put on this earth to be mothers, and deserve the chance. You also deserve the chance to be a father. My suggestion is, table the discussion for now and learn to enjoy the life you have more. Take joy in the life you created instead of harping on sleepless nights and the occasional tantrum. Maybe if you have a more joyous outlook on life, your wife will be satisfied. Or you might want to add to your family later. But if you both get resentful about it you are going to miss out on the precious time you have with your little boy now.


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## COGypsy

Gemma said:


> I have a similar situation, but I am the one who wants more children, so I feel my advice will be a bit biased. First, it is all well and good to come into a marriage with your beliefs and "stances". But you married a human being. We grow and change. I didn't know how much I would enjoy being a mother until I became one. Marriages and relationships grow and change over time, and priorities change. (I also grew up an only child and it sucks, believe me) You will never look at that second child as he/she grows, and think, "I wish I never had you - I had to work harder, be more inconvenienced, get less sleep, etc." But you WILL regret it if you let your loving marriage and relationship with your child get ruined over this issue. *Most dads don't realize they "want" their child until after it is born, that is just nature's way. Children are blessings, not nuisances. Something is a little flawed in your thinking that you focus on only the negatives. Women were put on this earth to be mothers, and deserve the chance. You also deserve the chance to be a father.* My suggestion is, table the discussion for now and learn to enjoy the life you have more. Take joy in the life you created instead of harping on sleepless nights and the occasional tantrum. Maybe if you have a more joyous outlook on life, your wife will be satisfied. Or you might want to add to your family later. But if you both get resentful about it you are going to miss out on the precious time you have with your little boy now.


I'm sure that "procreate and you'll see how it all works out" works sometimes, but not in every case. In my case, my father pushed and pushed to have kids, my mother agreed and then moved out when I was 12. We have a great relationship as adults, but even now she admits that she was just awash trying to deal with two little kids. 

I'm 37 years old and I can sincerely say that I was not "made to be a mother". I love the kids in my family, but I've never wanted one of them in my home...or really around for more than a couple of hours. I've always said that the only way I would have a child is if I could afford a live-in nanny. I can't even begin to imagine the disservice it would be to a child to bring them into the world on the off chance my entire personality would change if I saw them. Why would it be any different for a man? Why would you take that chance with a child? 

I believe that everyone is put on this earth for A purpose and it may or may not have to do with procreating. The OP has already compromised more than enough, to my way of thinking, anything more is just asking for disaster. And besides, who knows when it will be enough? 2 kids? 3 kids? That's insane to put upon someone who made their feelings very clear going into a relationship.


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