# Not climaxing anymore



## Missmilly (Feb 15, 2019)

Hello ladies! A little background info, I love my husband, he loves me, married a couple of months, together 3 years, we have a 10 month old. Small issues sometimes ( a few mismatched love language but thanks to this forum I was able to fix that) but nothing major. It’s a deep love and a very deep attraction. My problem if you can call it that, is that while I get very turned on by him, very horny and I love making love to him, I don’t climax (orgasm) anymore. It has been this way since I was pregnant. we will try at it for a long time, his hands, my hands, intercourse, oral you name it, but my body will eventually just get tired and I won’t get *there*. It doesn’t bother me at all, as I rarely climaxed ( other than alone) before meeting my husband, but it seems to disappoint him a little. I’ve explained so many times that it’s not him, that even by myself now it’s very very hard unless I put a lot of effort and time ( which I don’t do) and with him it’s just not happening. He will try to eat me for hours and it ends up feeling a bit bothersome. He romances me and we do fun things outside the bedroom, but even at my most relaxed state I cannot get there. I don’t want to try dildos because I believe they already removed Some of my sensitivity in the past. Same as Porn It used to be the only way for me to come many years ago so I don’t want to go back there. I would simply enjoy getting there instead of getting exhausted before getting there. I’ve told him and myself that It must be related to breastfeeding, and once i stop breastfeeding it will come back but I am unsure. This isn’t an urgent topic, I think other members here need much more help but if anyone has had a similar issue please let me know how you solved it. I could spend my entire life not orgasming because it’s not a necessesity for me ( I love the closeness of making love, the affection much more) but it seems that it would make my husband happier if I orgasmed. Thank you


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Why not incorporate a vibrator?

They do not decrease sensitivity, unless you are mashing it down and the vibrations numb the area temporarily.


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## Missmilly (Feb 15, 2019)

Tasorundo said:


> Why not incorporate a vibrator?
> 
> They do not decrease sensitivity, unless you are mashing it down and the vibrations numb the area temporarily.


For me they decreased sensitivity in the past where nothing felt good anymore except that so I’m trying to look for natural ways.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

You made it sound like almost nothing worked before and almost nothing works now, so I don't know how you would get less sensitive.

You could look at something that uses suction. I cannot remember the name of the toy, but I know there is one that uses a light, pulsating suction that many people are really happy with. Using it during foreplay might provide a head start and increase sensitivity enough to make the rest finish you off.


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## Missmilly (Feb 15, 2019)

Tasorundo said:


> You made it sound like almost nothing worked before and almost nothing works now, so I don't know how you would get less sensitive.
> 
> You could look at something that uses suction. I cannot remember the name of the toy, but I know there is one that uses a light, pulsating suction that many people are really happy with. Using it during foreplay might provide a head start and increase sensitivity enough to make the rest finish you off.


Great already googling it! 🙂


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hitachi_Magic_Wand


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

In my wife's experience they do decrease sensitivity. We introduced them into our sex lives many years ago just for variety / novelty, but it gradually got to the point where it was the only way she could O. 






Tasorundo said:


> Why not incorporate a vibrator?
> 
> They do not decrease sensitivity, unless you are mashing it down and the vibrations numb the area temporarily.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I suspect a mental, if not physical, block.

Do you know how your hormone levels are? Have you ever had health problems associated with hormone levels?


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## mhalbert14 (Mar 7, 2017)

I had the same issue after my pregnancy. It’s like my clit died. Lol it eventually came back but with much effort. Have you tried lubes that create sensitivity. The bathtub works wonders also. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Well, I think it's urgent!!! Just kidding.

I know exactly what you are going through though for me it's since menopause and I was put on antidepressants. Despite all that my current guy is the only one I ever DID come with so the few times it happened was super awesome. But just like you it takes forever and then nothing. Just like you orgasms were always infrequent/elusive for me, but guaranteed if I had a vibrator. Now, I can't even come alone with a vibrator 90% of the time. And I've given it a good hour or two of effort multiple times. 

But also just like you I'm having the best sex of my life and I'm super attracted to him and frankly, he's more concerned about orgasms that *I *am. I'm so freaking happy with our sex life that the only thing that is bothering me about not having orgasms is *him *being bothered by it. 

But enough about me - just wanted to commiserate. In my case I think it's partially hormones but mostly the antidepressants. 

I don't know anything about breastfeeding and hormones but I would recommend you talk with your OBGYN about this if you have a good one. I know hormone balances change when women have a baby, it might be something easily correctable. Like very low testosterone. Also, I have not tried this but I have heard of women on antidepressants taking wellbutrin when they want to have an orgasm, I guess it counteracts the effect of the ADs on orgasm. I don't know if it would help someone who is not on AD's but it's worth asking about.

It's nice to have a man who loves you and wants to satisfy you but I wish they understood that what is important to them and would make them happy (an orgasm) is not necessarily the same for us and believe us when we say we are truly happy and satisfied.




Missmilly said:


> Hello ladies! A little background info, I love my husband, he loves me, married a couple of months, together 3 years, we have a 10 month old. Small issues sometimes ( a few mismatched love language but thanks to this forum I was able to fix that) but nothing major. It’s a deep love and a very deep attraction. My problem if you can call it that, is that while I get very turned on by him, very horny and I love making love to him, I don’t climax (orgasm) anymore. It has been this way since I was pregnant. we will try at it for a long time, his hands, my hands, intercourse, oral you name it, but my body will eventually just get tired and I won’t get *there*. It doesn’t bother me at all, as I rarely climaxed ( other than alone) before meeting my husband, but it seems to disappoint him a little. I’ve explained so many times that it’s not him, that even by myself now it’s very very hard unless I put a lot of effort and time ( which I don’t do) and with him it’s just not happening. He will try to eat me for hours and it ends up feeling a bit bothersome. He romances me and we do fun things outside the bedroom, but even at my most relaxed state I cannot get there. I don’t want to try dildos because I believe they already removed Some of my sensitivity in the past. Same as Porn It used to be the only way for me to come many years ago so I don’t want to go back there. I would simply enjoy getting there instead of getting exhausted before getting there. I’ve told him and myself that It must be related to breastfeeding, and once i stop breastfeeding it will come back but I am unsure. This isn’t an urgent topic, I think other members here need much more help but if anyone has had a similar issue please let me know how you solved it. I could spend my entire life not orgasming because it’s not a necessesity for me ( I love the closeness of making love, the affection much more) but it seems that it would make my husband happier if I orgasmed. Thank you


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

https://www.romper.com/p/why-cant-i-orgasm-after-giving-birth-expert-explains-8382587

Read this and ask your doctor. Start doing kegal's now to build up the pelvic floor muscles. Make sure your husband understands it's probably from giving birth and most likely will not be forever. Ask him to just enjoy the time spent together as you still really need that. 

Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

See if you can get a copy of this book. At one time it was discontinued, but it's amazing. I think your issue is that you're not enjoying the moment, with a baby and stressors and wanting to please each other. Just relax. Have fun. Be daring. Go find a deserted road and go park in the dark and have sex in the back of the car. I used to pick my husband up from the airport at night in nothing but an overcoat, and we'd make a pitstop, if you know what I mean.

Anyway this book is a set of 52 invitations - 26 for the woman and 26 for the man. You pick a 'date' and you set up the situation (get the supplies together), and then you 'send' the invitation to your spouse. Anticipation is half the fun. Here's an easy example of one of them: You give your H the invitation, which tells him where to meet you, what time, and what to bring (whipped cream). You get some string, a needle, and some cut-up fruit. String the fruit on the string, long enough to wrap around you several times. When it's time for your H to show up, you take off all your clothes, wrap the fruit around your body, lie down, and wait for him to bring the whipped cream. You get the idea.

It's slowing down and enjoying the sensuality, the togetherness, the discovery of each other's bodies - that's what will get you back to climaxing.

PS: I suggest you line up a dedicated babysitter for one night a week for just this purpose. And maybe a movie date or two.

https://www.amazon.com/52-Invitations-Grrreat-Sex-Begins/dp/0974259918


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

mhalbert14 said:


> I had the same issue after my pregnancy. It’s like my clit died. Lol it eventually came back but with much effort. Have you tried lubes that create sensitivity. The bathtub works wonders also.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


What kind of effort? When did it return?


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## Kay43 (Jan 4, 2019)

It was years before I ever had my first O. It was like holy crap this is what this feels like??!!! I discovered I only could if I was on top. The OB said I had a tilted uterus so not sure if that had anything to do with it or not. Now that was with my STBX. I’m hoping someday things will be different with somebody else after reading so many posts on here of what sex can be like. People going for hours at a time? I think I got jipped in that department.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Kay43 said:


> It was years before I ever had my first O. It was like holy crap this is what this feels like??!!! I discovered I only could if I was on top. The OB said I had a tilted uterus so not sure if that had anything to do with it or not. Now that was with my STBX. I’m hoping someday things will be different with somebody else after reading so many posts on here of what sex can be like. People going for hours at a time? I think I got jipped in that department.


My wife has a tilted uterus as well. She didn't O during intercourse until her mid 30's but could O in other ways without problem. I think the mid 30's was more of a mental relaxing thing
more than any physical aspect of her body. We had 2 children in our 20's. For her on top works best.


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