# No Sexual interest from wife



## Hope4love (Jul 21, 2014)

Anyone have any suggestions on ways I can encourage my wife to be more involved sexually? 
We used to have sex 2-3 days a week. We would spend plenty of time with foreplay (kissing, touching, holding). She was multiple-orgasmic every time we would come together sexually. Over the past few years, she has slowly reduced our regular sexual experiences to an occasional opportunity maybe a couple of times a month. She instead offers "quickies" about once a week. She assures me she really enjoys our times together, quick or extended, but she does not get into it with the quickies, basically it feels like her legs are open but otherwise no one is home. I miss the foreplay and mutual involvement 2-3 times a week. On the occasions she does make time for regular sex, she continues to have multi-orgasmic sex that she assures me is totally satisfying.
I just can't figure this out. Any ideas?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Has anything else changed over the last few years? Kids? Stress levels for her? How old are you two? How long have you been married? Have you kept up your "sex rank"?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

What has changed? Did you have kids and she is now mostly exhausted from taking care of them. Did you gain a lot of weight and are not attractive to her anymore? 

Most importantly... What are you doing to make her feel loved and desired?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

the short answer is that you are not communicating. The reason for the low sex drive could be almost anything. You two have to talk it out.

Try this simple experiment. Get some soft music playing in the bedroom. Get some scented massage oil and candles going. Invite her for a full body massage. really take your time to sensually excite her whole body. See if she is turned on by that at the end. If so, she IS into sex...just not the brand you have been offering her.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Some women have a low sex drive, but it's higher during the dating and honeymoon phase of a new marriage - maybe two years. After that, her sex drive returns to it's normal baseline.

Of course, that's influenced either way by life situation and her partner's efforts, but sometimes no amount of attention, love, or affection will increase her desire. It can be very difficult to figure out what the cause is (IF there even is one), and whether anything can be done. Often, she won't know herself, and can at best guess (and usually wrongly).


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## rubymoon (Jul 21, 2014)

As a HD woman, I can tell that sexual desire is not something that comes and goes once a week, when someone nags you into having sex. Sexual desire is always there. 100% of the time minus some time intervals that I am super stressed, upset, scared, etc... - basically, only some super strong emotions can override sexual desire. And as any strong emotions, those go away in a matter of hours or days in some critical situations. To have multi-orgasms, sexual desire must build up. In other words, it has to boil in her all the time to get to the level of triggering of multi-orgasms. And if that were the case, she'd be wanting sex much more often. It can still be a quikie, since she is already ready at any given moment. 

I am not a doctor, but I just can tell how it works in my body. Your situation sounds to me like she really doesn't enjoy it as much as she claims. Maybe you can fix it by getting it out in the open and trying to figure out how to actually pleasure her. But her open and honest input would be required for this to work. And you have to keep in mind that it may be not limited to only the bedroom - she may need to rest more, or to get her confidence up to get there.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

rubymoon said:


> As a HD woman, I can tell that sexual desire is not something that comes and goes once a week, when someone nags you into having sex. Sexual desire is always there. 100% of the time minus some time intervals that I am super stressed, upset, scared, etc... - basically, only some super strong emotions can override sexual desire. And as any strong emotions, those go away in a matter of hours or days in some critical situations. To have multi-orgasms, sexual desire must build up. In other words, it has to boil in her all the time to get to the level of triggering of multi-orgasms. And if that were the case, she'd be wanting sex much more often. It can still be a quikie, since she is already ready at any given moment.
> 
> I am not a doctor, but I just can tell how it works in my body. Your situation sounds to me like she really doesn't enjoy it as much as she claims. Maybe you can fix it by getting it out in the open and trying to figure out how to actually pleasure her. But her open and honest input would be required for this to work. And you have to keep in mind that it may be not limited to only the bedroom - she may need to rest more, or to get her confidence up to get there.


And be sure to tell her you appreciate the quickies, but you want a loving encounter. Hope I said that right. My brain isnt ageing well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Yea, I have a great idea.

Sit her down and tell her you are extremely concerned because she shows 0 desire or care to satisfy your intimate needs.

This is a priority for EVERY WOMAN. 

It's also a priority for men as well, but not as important since to men, intimacy is the ULTIMATE expression of love (and to women, not always).

If your woman doesn't make sure you are completely satisfied (actually, a good one will go up and beyond "completely satisfied).....clearly, she doesn't care enough FOR you and is willing to risk EVERYTHING.

What you need to find is what she is risking it FOR. That will be the CORE of your issues right there.

But first, you have to make sure your end is completely covered. Have you been showing her affection and took steps/be proactive to initiate sex? As long as your end is covered and you have done everything you can, proceed with above.


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## Hope4love (Jul 21, 2014)

PBear said:


> Has anything else changed over the last few years? Kids? Stress levels for her? How old are you two? How long have you been married? Have you kept up your "sex rank"?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yes. There are issues that have an effect, but I'd like to figure out how to work through it.

Married 25 years.
She's in a stressful job.
2 teen kids.
No change in Sex Rank that I can figure out.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Stressful job will do it but it's also a convenient excuse in itself.


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## Hope4love (Jul 21, 2014)

rubymoon said:


> As a HD woman, I can tell that sexual desire is not something that comes and goes once a week, when someone nags you into having sex. Sexual desire is always there. 100% of the time minus some time intervals that I am super stressed, upset, scared, etc... - basically, only some super strong emotions can override sexual desire. And as any strong emotions, those go away in a matter of hours or days in some critical situations. To have multi-orgasms, sexual desire must build up. In other words, it has to boil in her all the time to get to the level of triggering of multi-orgasms. And if that were the case, she'd be wanting sex much more often. It can still be a quikie, since she is already ready at any given moment.
> 
> I am not a doctor, but I just can tell how it works in my body. Your situation sounds to me like she really doesn't enjoy it as much as she claims. Maybe you can fix it by getting it out in the open and trying to figure out how to actually pleasure her. But her open and honest input would be required for this to work. And you have to keep in mind that it may be not limited to only the bedroom - she may need to rest more, or to get her confidence up to get there.


I think you may be onto something with the rest. She tends to burn the candle at both ends and is tired a lot. However, I can't seem to get her to slow down and get some real rest. There is always something else to do. Not home related by the way, I do a lot of the home and family stuff. I'm very successful but have job flexibility. She has a busy, stressful director level job.


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## Hope4love (Jul 21, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Some women have a low sex drive, but it's higher during the dating and honeymoon phase of a new marriage - maybe two years. After that, her sex drive returns to it's normal baseline.
> 
> Of course, that's influenced either way by life situation and her partner's efforts, but sometimes no amount of attention, love, or affection will increase her desire. It can be very difficult to figure out what the cause is (IF there even is one), and whether anything can be done. Often, she won't know herself, and can at best guess (and usually wrongly).


We've had candid chats several times in the past. I have to believe she really doesn't know herself.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Hope4love said:


> I think you may be onto something with the rest. She tends to burn the candle at both ends and is tired a lot. /QUOTE]
> 
> 
> Wifey and I were in our mid 30's working part time and going to college (phd both) full time with two kids under 4. Plenty of sex back then.
> ...


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