# Don't feel happy at work, please advise!



## summergirl2014 (Aug 20, 2014)

When our 3 year old son was born, both me and my DH lost our jobs and went trough a difficult period and financial problems, with lost of fights that put a toll on our relationship.

After 1 year I managed to get a freelance job that was a blessing for us in order to pay our bills and keep our heads above the water.

After about 6 months after that my husband also find a new job and I continued freelancing since it was a good thing to do in order to properly find a good nursery to our son and do all the induction period. Also, he was sick many times on the first 5 months in the nursery so it was good to work from home because I could easily pick him and stay at home with him.

In the meanwhile I even won 2 more clients. But after a while my main client started to pass me less and less work and we started to struggle financially. Because my son was only 3 days at the nursery I didn't have the proper time to market myself and gain new clients and so we decided that I should look for a full-time job. 

Well, I started in a full-time job 2 months ago and I'm feeling soooooo unhappy! I miss so much being a freelance, not having a boss or being stuck in an office all week, organising my days myself. I need freedom in order to perform at my best and I just feel I'm drowning. Yes, we now have financial security but I don't feel happy.

My husband loves comfort and stability and makes me a lot of pressure to keep my job. I've told him that I want to get back into freelancing or starting an online business (that is my dream) but he doesn't support me much on that and we even had a lot of arguments about it. Basically he's scared to go trough financial problems again, which I totally understand, but I don't want to have a secure life and be totally unhappy!

I also would like to have more support from my partner which I don't. He doesn't care if I'm unhappy or if my personality doesn't suit a traditional 9-5 office job. He even told me that I have to prepare myself to not go back into being self-employed again!

I just think there's more to life than this. I've asked my employer if I could work from home at least 1 day per week and they've said no. 

Well, I've had "employee" type parents that always make me pressure to just grab a 9-5 job and shut up, not giving a damn to how I am and what I want and now my husband does the same to me? 

I need some advice please. I just don't discuss this with my DH anymore since it always ends with a big fight.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

If you still felt the same way about your job after working there for at least two years, I think your husband would support your idea of quitting. 
Two years will go by fast. Don't give up on it too early. At least I tell myself the same thing.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Based on your recent job history and extended periods of underemployment for both you and your husband, I'd say that he has a pretty good point. A lot of us would love the luxury of not having an immediate boss. But sometimes, we have to make decisions based on the good of our families. 

Have you considered looking for another full-time job while you continue working where you are? Maybe you just need a more flexible employer?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Summer I understand where you are coming from 100%. I have been a SAHM for 10 months and I NEVER WANT TO SET FOOT IN AN OFFICE AGAIN! We are dabbling in house flips for which I do a LOT of leg work and I love that, but 9 to 5 is definitely not my cup of tea.

However, that being said, I would do what I needed to do for our family in a hearbeat whether I like it or not. The team (meaning our marriage) is the priority and we are both willing to do what it takes to make it work. If it ever becomes too much pressure for my husband to be the primary breadwinner, I will put up with a 9 to 5 and be kick a$$ employee while I'm doing it.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

It's a job, you are not suppose to like it or be happy.

Seriously

I doubt there is many people on this planet that wake up on Monday morning and say " I can't wait to get to my job".



Don't sweat it and just do what you gotta do to provide for your family is my best advice.

Even if you found the best/dream job on this planet. You would get tired of it in time. When you do something over and over again, it's just a matter of time before it becomes tiring.......

Personally, I don't believe in "dream' jobs....dream is just that, a dream.

Also there is no such a thing as a job without a boss. EVERYONE has a boss or someone they answer to. When you were freelancing it was your Client.......even CEOs and highest levels in company have to report to someone (shareholders)

Just how it is. Accept it. It's easier that way.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

summergirl2014 said:


> When our 3 year old son was born, both me and my DH lost our jobs and went trough a difficult period and financial problems, with lost of fights that put a toll on our relationship.
> 
> After 1 year I managed to get a freelance job that was a blessing for us in order to pay our bills and keep our heads above the water.
> 
> ...


Wifey and in the same boat. I lost 100% of my 401k in a divorce and at age 45 was dead broke. She lost her low paying job and wanted to be a freelance writer, making 0-15k oer year. We agreed to live as paupers and forsake a retirement in order to be happy. It's a hard decision to make but she loves writing and being involved in many other things. 

All that to say that you can be happy without money but it takes a concentrated effort on both sides. Approach it from that point of view.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

yep the real world can stink some times. You now have a family and the economy is in the sewer. I think stability is best.

is your happiness worth risking your family's financial security?

unless you can make it freelancing......whatever that is?
which you indicated you failed at I'd say listen to your parents and husband.


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## TiredFamilyGuy (Jan 18, 2014)

I truly hate to say this - but suck it up for now. The family needs stability of income more than you need self-actualisation. For now. Also one job is not all jobs: unless it is the mere idea of employment which is so irksome, you can switch after a while - it's usually the best way to parlay experience into reward anyway.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I get that you feel you would be happier working at your own business. But if we look at the history of your previous business, you were not doing well by the time you gave it up. So the fact is that as much as you wish you could still do that, you did not build the business into something that could provide enough income. 

You have children. Your husband is right that financial stability is extremely important for you all right now. You have to recover from your previous financial difficulties.

I find it interesting that you think your husband is required to work a job and support you so that you can follow your dream to not have to work in an office. Suppose he decides to follow some dream? Does he have that option? Or does he have to give up his freedom to dream so that you don’t have to burden yourself with a 9-5 office job? To be honest you are being selfish and mean expecting him to work so that you can follow some dream that you do not even know will work. You need to keep your job right now, just like he needs to keep his.

But what you can do is to start working towards your dream. Start job hunting to see if you can find a job that will allow you to work at home some of the time. 

Why not start setting it up while you are still employed? Do you have a business plan? Can you start by working it part time? Have you ever done this sort of business before? 

What is the internet based business that you want to start? Do you have experience in doing this? What makes you sure that you can generate income in this business?

If you really want to create your own business you can still do it while working at your job.. and then once you are bringing in some income you will have a case to argue with your husband.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I can relate.

A few years ago, I hired on with a small firm, just me, the boss, the secretary and the guys wife. He was a miserable control freak.
He had several predecessors to me walk out on him because he was such a SOB. 

But.......he was paying me really good money when the economy was quite a bit worse than it is now. 
Every day I would dread walking in that door in the morning.
It took everything I had just to walk in there every day. Not only that, several times, I had to really bite my tongue and keep from just letting him have it, or walk out the door.

Him and his wife pressured me into signing up as an employee rather than a contract worker. I thought about it long and hard.
Finally I decided I'd rather be on the street or living in my truck than putting up with this SOB.

He told me if I don't sign up, he'll find an employee. He did, and after 5 months, that guy walked out on him. I kept doing sporadic contract work for him, but eventually he stopped calling me.
GOODBYE!!!

As to your situation though, I didn't have kids. That makes a big difference. I guess I would say keep working until you can set up your business with enough clients to assure an income close to what you make now. Show your husband the financial projections and make the best decision for you and your kids.

There'e few things more miserable than a crappy job, when you have the skills to make a living enjoyable.

Freud was once asked "what defines a healthy person?" 

He answered "you must be able to Love and to work". What he meant was not just going through the motions, but THRIVING at your love and your work.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

What is HIS dream? I think you need to look for another reliable job that you will dislike less and commit to doing that for a few years at least. Talk to your husband and ask what will make him feel secure. Perhaps you can agree after 2 years and $10,000 in the bank that's enough cushion for him to feel good about your trying the freelance thing again. Maybe he wants something that you two can agree on.

But it's time to suck it up and be an adult. I do like my job and don't dread going to work. But I HAVE done that (3 years!) because my family needed health insurance and a regular income.

You can be responsible AND set some goals based on dreams but since things weren't going well before, I think you should at least wait until your child enters school - you will have that time to focus on getting clients, having meetings, etc.

Your needs are not more important than your husband's or child's. They need financial security. You need to look for another job that you don't dread doing and perhaps has more flexibility. But they are out there so stop whining and update your resume.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

There are jobs that let you work from home, find one of those.

I agree with others though, your time for selfish dabbling is over.

If it had paid well enough as a contractor, the you would not have quit.

I worked for a series of tech companies starting in 2004 as an employee working from home.

I liked the freedom for a long time but ultimately switched jobs so I could be in an office surrounded by people. The social and professional isolation was too much.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

OP, I hope you feel better. Being miserable at work is not healthy. I truly wish you the best.


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