# My wife will leave me and take my son Advice?



## jimbob80 (Mar 23, 2012)

Hello everyone,

I am currently in a very difficult period of my life and seeking some advice from anyone.

My wife and I got married three years ago and now have a 7 month old son. We have been unhappy for the past 2.5 years and have had problems with intimacy also.

My wife's personality is one of not needing closeness, intimacy as she can get by without it. My personality is one of needing closeness and intimacy.

My wife is from Asia and we had decided that we would move to her country when I have finished my Masters study. But now, I have serious doubts about this move.

Due to our relationship issues and the fact that I have recently realised something about myself, I do not want to leave the country where I live and have lived most of my life. My wife and I have spoken a lot about these issues and she has said to me that she will be moving whether I go with her or not and the fact that she will be taking our son with her.

My problem is that I have spent the entirety of our marriage doing everything to please her. I have been doing this so that I receive a feeling of acceptance. This problem stems from a childhood/teenage problem I had while growing up. I have realised this and now do not want to be like that any more... I do not want to do something if I am not truly happy about it myself.

I was going to move to her country as I wanted her to be happy. I am studying my Masters in a field to benefit us in her home country, not because I want to study it... You see, I have been doing everything to please her.

I do not want to move and now I feel that I am being forced to make the decision to go with them or loose the family. There is no compromise with her and she is blaming all of this on me.

I also realise that my love for her is not what it once was and I do not know what to do.

Why should I feel forced to move somewhere, when I do not want to? I know I would not be happy there and I know she will not be happy here. So do we go our separate ways?

I know I would not try to take my son from her, as he needs his mum. Babies and children that young depend on their mothers more, so I would not do that.

Her exact words the other day were: "I will be taking our son, whether you come or not. I will not live here any more! Our son may as well not have a father"

Any thoughts?


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

If you want to be in this child's life you need to consult a laywer, file for custody and prevent her from relocating him. You need to protect your rights as a father.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jimbob80 (Mar 23, 2012)

I did not want a bitter end..! I know I have rights and I could take it further etc etc. But he is at an age where he needs his mother, depends on his mother. (Still being breast fed for example).


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## plerner (Feb 28, 2012)

I really feel for you but Sanity is correct. You need to contact a lawyer about custody. Legally she can not move to another country with your child without your consent. That would be kidnapping and she will go to jail if she were to do that which would be worse. There are no laws that state the child is better off with the mom even at that young of an age. The child is a U.S. born citizen so by you wanting to stay in the U.S. I think would give you custody! This is just my opinion though.


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## MrWombat (Feb 16, 2012)

"My problem is that I have spent the entirety of our marriage doing everything to please her. I have been doing this so that I receive a feeling of acceptance. This problem stems from a childhood/teenage problem I had while growing up. I have realised this and now do not want to be like that any more... I do not want to do something if I am not truly happy about it myself."

Uggh. She is right to dump you and take the kid, who barely rates a mention in your post. If you won custody, would you have any clue about how to take care of him/her on a day-to-day basis? I can't believe something this narcissistic was written by a man, but it takes all sorts to make a world. I hope she makes it generally known, when she gets home, that being a mail-order bride ain't all that.

Start seeing prostitutes. They will give you all the acceptance you crave, and you won't be wrecking someone else's life getting it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

She can't legally take the child out of the country. Talk to a lawyer ASAP. She can't get him a passport without your permission, nor can she fly internationally with him unless she can produce a form with your acceptance. Having said that people find ways around it like forging signatures. get thee to a lawyer ASAP!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pokey (Mar 26, 2012)

MrWombat said:


> Uggh. She is right to dump you and take the kid, who barely rates a mention in your post. If you won custody, would you have any clue about how to take care of him/her on a day-to-day basis? I can't believe something this narcissistic was written by a man, but it takes all sorts to make a world. I hope she makes it generally known, when she gets home, that being a mail-order bride ain't all that.
> 
> Start seeing prostitutes. They will give you all the acceptance you crave, and you won't be wrecking someone else's life getting it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is a bit harsh don't you think? You don't know anything about him other than what he wrote in a couple paragraphs.

Anyway, I agree with the others. She should not legally be allowed to leave with your son. If she leaves it is up to her but she should not leave with him. That would NOT be you taking his mother away, that would be HER LEAVING HIM. Maybe if she realizes she cannot leave with her son then she will stay and the two of you can have joint custody and raise him together. Even if she wants to move, well staying is a sacrifice someone with a kid should make. Your son will not be better off without you either, he'd be best with both of you but no one is to say the mom alone is the best for him. Stand up for your rights. And your son's. Let him keep his dad.


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## MrWombat (Feb 16, 2012)

pokey said:


> That is a bit harsh don't you think?


Read the paragraph I was replying to again. It's 100% "other people exist as an adjunct to my sense of self".


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

MrWombat said:


> "My problem is that I have spent the entirety of our marriage doing everything to please her. I have been doing this so that I receive a feeling of acceptance. This problem stems from a childhood/teenage problem I had while growing up. I have realised this and now do not want to be like that any more... I do not want to do something if I am not truly happy about it myself."
> 
> Uggh. She is right to dump you and take the kid, who barely rates a mention in your post. If you won custody, would you have any clue about how to take care of him/her on a day-to-day basis? I can't believe something this narcissistic was written by a man, but it takes all sorts to make a world. I hope she makes it generally known, when she gets home, that being a mail-order bride ain't all that.
> 
> ...



Extremely harsh and unnecessary in this situation. You don't know the definition of narcissism by the way. The OP describes co-dependency issues where he strives to please her regardless of his own needs, morals, etc. Co-dependants sometimes do wake up from their stupor and realize they have been slaves to another persons needs and wants. 

The OP's wife is a narcissist if anything. She is perfectly ok with dumping him and taking the child away from his father. 

Finally, your comment about him getting prostitutes is really childish and not very constructive.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

MrWombat said:


> Read the paragraph I was replying to again. It's 100% "other people exist as an adjunct to my sense of self".


Narcissistic personality disorder - MayoClinic.com

The OP is more than likely co-dependant and his "well" has "run dry".


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