# Sexless marriage with mixed signals



## Solotex (Apr 26, 2013)

Hello all,

I'm 37 and wife's 35, we have a 1 year old boy and we've been married for almost 2 years.
To give a background, I had to relocate to a different country before we got married and at the beginning of our relationship so it turned into a long distance relationship with meeting up 3-4 times a year for 2 years during which everything seemed perfect.
After we got married and the week that she moved in with me she got pregnant (yeah I know!) and since then it's been a downhill spiral.

To cut a long story short, we haven't had much sex while she was pregnant and after delivery it went even worse. She had no depression but she was overwhelmed with the baby being in a strange country with no family but now she has adapted.
Now to get to the bottom of it, we may have had sex like 10 times since the baby was born and since January 1st this year we had sex twice...
Every night she teases the hell out of me before going to bed, and when I try she shuts me off, when asked why she does it, she don't know is her answer...
She masturbates while I'm at home before she naps and she tells me about it, and she knows I watch porn and doesn't mind it.
I'm at my wits end and well I'm honestly suffering, she says she always had a wild sex life and this is the lowest she ever had but she blames it on the birth and that she has never been stressed like this period, and well I never had such a low sex life ever.
I know this is very serious but I'm hoping for some advice before pulling the plug on this marriage, this is becoming a severe issue and I need to vent but I'd rather divorce then have an affair rather than cheat.

Any advice oh wise people ? 

Thanks


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## marriedmanhere (Aug 2, 2012)

Go take a nap with her and masturbate beside her..


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Just based on what you've written I get the impression she wants you to "take her".


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Games.

They're for kids.

If she wants you she should stop teasing you.

And shutting you down afterwards is insulting. Let her know you dont like it...be firm.


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## RickyC (Apr 26, 2013)

sinnister is right. Not sure why people like to, or seem like they are playing games. Get to the point and tell her exactly how you feel. otherwise, you will end up being 50 years old and asking the same questions (like me)


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

I sometimes wonder if someone in her position would learn anything from the angst expressed by the broken spirits around here. I still want to believe that if she saw what her behavior had in store for you, your children, and her over the longterm, then maybe she'd muster whatever she needs to fix herself, help you fix the relationship, and demand you fix whatever you need to fix about you.


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## RickyC (Apr 26, 2013)

PieceOfSky said:


> I sometimes wonder if someone in her position would learn anything from the angst expressed by the broken spirits around here. I still want to believe that if she saw what her behavior had in store for you, your children, and her over the longterm, then maybe she'd muster whatever she needs to fix herself, help you fix the relationship, and demand you fix whatever you need to fix about you.


And when you have someone who fails to acknowledge that "broken spirits" exists... Then what?
Like most problems, you have to have some initiative to want to change... I can't change it for her. As for the kids,
They already know something is wrong and has been for awhile. My kids are finally. At the ages were they could
Handle it moreso than if they were 3, 6 or 10. One thing I have found out about these forums and post is that everybody's
Problems are more complex that what they start off with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Solotex (Apr 26, 2013)

Thank you all for the replies, going with the head on spilling my beans and telling her the adverse effect this is having on me as a person and on our marriage, knowing that I did tell her numerous times but she says a divorce over no sex is silly, insists she love me and that when she teases me she wants to "do it" but then something is shut off and she walks away.
Moreover, she says her lack of time for herself is to blame add to that the stress she is going through dealing with the house and the baby...
But here goes nothing..


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

RickyC said:


> And when you have someone who fails to acknowledge that "broken spirits" exists... Then what?
> Like most problems, you have to have some initiative to want to change... I can't change it for her. As for the kids,
> They already know something is wrong and has been for awhile. My kids are finally. At the ages were they could
> Handle it moreso than if they were 3, 6 or 10. One thing I have found out about these forums and post is that everybody's
> ...


Yeah, I don't think mine will ever let herself acknowledge my broken spirit at this point. I've died in front of her over too long a time for her to remember how it started, or at least took a fatal turn for the worst.

I'm just wondering if "early intervention" with sad stories from old folk like me would be able to reach her, before the resentment from each for the other grows to an insurmountable level.


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