# He wants some space...



## AliMcBeer (Apr 11, 2013)

I have posted in another forum with regards DH, we have been having some problems, mainly he lied about a friendship with another woman, and im paranoid and not handling it well. 
He says that he does love me (and yes he is still ''in love'' with me) and he cares about me but hes not sure he wants to be with me any more. He moved in with me straight from his parents, he has never lived alone or anywhere else, and is now saying he wants some space and his own independence. He is willing to come to marriage counselling with me as he says he would like to save our marriage and maybe get back together again, but he doesnt know what he wants right now and how he feels and is hoping some time alone will give him some perspective and help him decide how he feels and what he wants. Wether it be back with me or not. He says he feels guilty for all the crap hes done and im just adding to it cos he knows im hurting. Its sometimes like hes contradicting himself, the other night he said he cant imagine his life without me in it, then hes saying he doesnt know what he wants and might decide not to be with me! im confused as hell and hurting even more! were considering a trial seperation to allow him that space, and at the moment i think if he stays it will finish us off. Im devastated but im willing to try for the sake of my marriage. I think were both hurting and confused so maybe some space would be a positive thing? please help? :scratchhead:


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

AliMcBeer said:


> he lied about a friendship with another woman *RED FLAG*,
> 
> He says that he does love me (and yes he is still ''in love'' with me) and he cares about me but hes not sure he wants to be with me any more. *RED FLAG! Most waywards actually do still love their spouses. *
> 
> ...


Look, he may be telling the truth but there's too mant flags flapping in the wind for you to ignore. Do not come right out and ask him if he's cheating. You need to investigate QUIETLY so you'll know what you're up against.

Right now, get access to your cell phone bill on line. Look at the call detail and look for a lot of calls/texts to 1 or 2 numbers you don't know. Also look for a pattern like when he's out of the house at work or late at nigt when you're in bed.

Next, go out and buy 2 VARs (voice activated recorders) and place one under the front seat of his car with heavy duty velcro and keep the other in a room he likes to make/receive calls in and also use it to switch it out with the car one so you can listen to it (cheaters feel safe talking in their cars)

Lastly, get a keylogger on the PC.

Also, have you noticed anything different about him like a PW on his phone?

Again, I'm not saying he is cheating but I would definitely look into it ASAP


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## AliMcBeer (Apr 11, 2013)

thx Toffer, i have already done the looking for clues bit, there was a lot of txting going on but that has stopped and he does let me check his fone and i have all the passwords to anything online, including his mobile bill, so i am confident there wasnt an actual A/EA going on, it was someone to talk to. ( as he knew how he was feeling would upset me so like an idiot didnt talk to me about it) there are some other factors, i have had depression for the last 2 half yrs which hasnt helped, i lost my job to it so im at home 24/7 and i know i can be hard to live with. He feels like his life (marriage and work) are just plodding along, and i think boredom has set in. Of course i have reservations about OW, was there more to it, what was talked about, but he didnt really go out anywhere outside of work, just a couple of nights out with m8s, which i know about. he is quite a homebody really. So i am quite confident this is a space thing more than anything else. still hurts like hell that we may not get through this but i just thought if ppl had already done this sort of thing and its worked, what would be the best way to go about it? what advice would you give for me to try and bring the spark back? im working hard on my depression to try and be more me again, for all of us, but is there anything i can try to make sure this does work out?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Find the other woman
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

AliMcBeer said:


> thx Toffer, i have already done the looking for clues bit, there was a lot of txting going on but that has stopped and he does let me check his fone and i have all the passwords to anything online, including his mobile bill, so i am confident there wasnt an actual A/EA going on, it was someone to talk to.
> 
> *Ali, if he was sharing details of your marriage with another woman, it was at least an EA. *
> 
> ...


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