# Recently got seperated Help please



## insomnia255 (Dec 4, 2011)

My wife an i had a few marriage problems (mainly me casuing them) being stressed with work, not spending enough time with her, when i get angry me giving her silent treatment and not talking to her for a couple of days. This has been going on and off for a couple of years but the last two weeks have been worse.

so she went to spend a week at her sisters place. My wife and her parents came this weekend and talked things out with me our problems but due to the emotional hurt i have givien my wife she said she wanted to seperate and she sugessted i get counselling. she took most of her things and left her ring with a note saying "i am not doing this to hurt you but in time, in the future this ring can come back to where it belongs"

She didnt say its over for ever or i wanna divorce. from what i gathered she is pretty messed up emotionally and doesnt know what she wants and she says she cant trust me that i will change, and now says she doesnt trust me at all (she said she had one or two counselling sessions earlier on this week).

My parents and her parents want us to be together and i dont wanna lose her and since this thing happened this weekend i realised what an idiot i have been, i have ruined my marriage by being a jerk. i am ready to change and have made an appointment with a marriage counsellor for myself. i have been texting her everyday but she doesnt respond. i am getting to the stage when im so desperate to get her back. Her siblings have asked me to think hard about what i want and if i want her back then i will have to make the effort. They said they are a phone call away which is good i guess. If i can get their help and support hopefully my wife and i will be able to patch up our marriage. 

I just wanted some help and advice on what i should do, shall i keep texting her everyday and see how she is doing. so it looks like im making the effort or ??

no ground rules for seperation have yet been established i suppose she just wants space etc. when i see the marriage counsellor on tues i will know what i should do and how to approach it


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## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

I'd recommend giving her some space. Let her recover, get some perspective. In the meantime, work on yourself. Find constructive ways to deal with stress...exercise, meditation, eat a decent diet. Show her you're serious about recognizing your mistake and doing better. 

What you should NOT do is pressure her, lay guilt trips on her, beg her, or hassle other people about what she's doing or who she's with. Do not carouse with other women. Just get yourself together.


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## insomnia255 (Dec 4, 2011)

Thanks for the advice, I suppose im just concerned on how I should progress later on in the sense of contacting her to meet up with her etc. Or do I give it a couple of weeks then see how she is doing ? Or just send her a weekly update about what I have been up to in the week.


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## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

That depends on her. You'll have to pay attention to her needs, interpret whether she needs more space, or wants more attention.


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## insomnia255 (Dec 4, 2011)

well guys i got an message off my wife on the 9th of december she asked me not to contact her at all untill the new year. i have been going to marriage counselling for my self now since the spilt occured. i have found it is helping. i just cant help but feel that as each day goes by maybe she will get comfortable in her current surroundings and then not want to talk again. her sister is about to have a child and she has family down from canada and i feel that maybe she will be preoccupied with those activities in the new year that she might not see our relationship as a priority.


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