# Feeling helpless



## williamnorthwet (May 26, 2010)

My wife and I have been married for a long time >25yrs and over that time I have been unfaithful to her. She has taken me back with my promise not to stray that I haven’t kept over numerous times. Most recently she discovered me again and has said this is truly the end. Now in the 11th hour of our married I am being honest with myself on how selfish I have been for so long and I am in counseling to help me understand what drives my behavior as I know in my heart and soul I don’t want to be like this. These affairs have never been what I was looking for, always made me anxious and felt very guilty afterwards. I love my wife and am going to do what ever it takes to make it right with her. I struggle everyday knowing she really has no reason to believe me this time and she has a total lack of trust for me. Help me, I feel lost that the person I love the most and have hurt so much over time will be out of my life forever.


----------



## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

I'm really sorry it's come this far. My suggestion is to focus on improving yourself, and looking back over the years in an effort to find what may have been the real reasons you strayed. 

It is entirely up to your wife in this matter - unfortunately, you knew the consequences and chose to take that chance. Again, I am very sorry. Your hope is to become the man she loved in the first place, allow her ALL the time she needs to see that your words match your actions, and allow her the freedom to make up her own mind.


----------



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

all you can do is prove yourself.......let her take all the time she needs to see that in you.....
you have done the damage now you will have to be patient and learn to live with whatever she decides to do.....
show her your remorse and make sure she knows you have a problem and that you are willing to work on it


----------



## williamnorthwet (May 26, 2010)

Thanks for the advice! I know it's all up to me and how I demonstrate a changed behavior. I am very willing to give her all the time and space she needs.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

William,

I am glad you are trying to get to the bottom of why you were repeatedly unfaithful throughout your marriage. Your wife has been loyal and forgiving and yet was betrayed once again. I believe she is doing the right thing by saying this is truly the end, for her own self-preservation.

By you being willing to give her time & space, it is just a selfish view at this point that you will give her this...so that she will return to you in time. Is this really what is best for her? If you truly love her, don't you want what is best for her? Her happiness?

Why not view this from the angle of her happiness and go from there? Surely your happiness has taken precedence up until now.


----------

